#I am so tired and overworked but i want to write for this game so badly holy fuck

[createandconstruct]

Thinking about Peter's absolute cry of anguish after the final boss battle when he finds Harry unresponsive. Thinking about how all he can say is I'm sorry. Thinking about the fact that in Peter's head it was him at May's side sobbing I'm sorry. Thinking about how "with great power comes great responsibility" can never be separated from the guilt Peter feels. Thinking about how that guilt extends to May. How it extends to Ben. How it cripples Peter so much that he tells Miles that he can't do this again. Thinking about Peter's voice as he'd begged Harry to fight - pleaded with him to not make him do this. Thinking about how when consumed with the symbiote Peter had screeched out I'm the hero, I don't get saved! Thinking about how that's not just pride, how that's not just responsibility, how it's guilt. How it's always been Peter and the weight of the world, the life of his loved ones, and their blood on his hands. And now it's Harry's and Peter just breaks. Always the hero, he's done the right thing, but this time it's the last straw. His best friend. The last sacrifice Peter Parker can take...

...and it's then... that Miles saves him.

#peter parker #miles morales #marvel's spider man #harry osborn #insomniac spider man #spider man 2 ps5 #guys the ending blew me away it was so good #I am so tired and overworked but i want to write for this game so badly holy fuck #I just cANNOT get over Yuri's voice acting in that final cutscene is fucking 'harry im sorry' and then his absolute y e l l of pain #aND i DIDNT GET SPOILED THIS TIME SO I WAS LIKE Oh fuck Dont do this to him #like Miles is fucking incredible idgaf #Miles did what Spider-man could never do: Save Peter #spider man 2 spoilers #spider man 2 ps5 spoilers #i just keep thinking about and watching the ending im forever changed

[lovetohate001]

i think a 001 x reader where the reader has a bunch of tattoos and lets the kids color them in and hes just sitting back admiring them would be so cute

(your work is literally amazing bro 😭😭😭<3)

Colour Me In

Peter Ballard (001) x Gender Neutral!Reader | FLUFF

AN: thank you for loving my work! this was the sweetest ask and I hope you enjoy it as much as i loved writing it!

© lovetohate001, 2022. reposting/translating is not allowed.

Working at Hawkin’s National Laboratory was difficult most days. But some days were just worth all the trouble. The children here were all just a bit older than eight, and they simply adored going to the Rainbow Room. No matter how tired or overworked they were from their training in the mornings, they all rushed to the colourful setup to spend time with all the puzzles and games waiting for them inside. And it broke your heart a little, knowing that this facility would most likely be all they would ever know growing up.

“Excuse me…” 011 gently tapped you on your shoulder, her wide eyes looking up at you. “Colour?”

You were confused for a second…looking at 011, and then to the red marker she had in her hand, cap off, and the felt tip poised above your arm.

“Colour? You want to colour on my arm?”

She nodded enthusiastically and wiggled the pen in her hand for emphasis.

You rolled the white sleeve of your uniform up to your elbow and showed her the dainty tattoos across the inside of your arm. They were thin branches, curling around your wrist up to your elbow, cherry blossoms adorning them and falling off in small little petals. The pink ink had faded and was no more than a dusting of colour now. You hadn’t had time for a touch up with how busy you were.

Without a word, 011 began to brush the pen across the small little flowers, the felt tickling your arm in the process. A few of the other children stopped what they were doing to steal a quick glance at the two of you, curious as ever.

After a while, you had three children crowding around your arm, not even bothering to keep within the lines like 011 did. They made small little squiggles all over your arm, even getting a few small dots of ink onto your pristine white uniform. But you didn’t mind. The children were happy and that was all that mattered. Seeing those little smiles on their faces was all you needed. You could worry about the stains later.

The intercom came on to announce lunch. The children “awww’ed” and set down their pens, obediently getting to their feet and making their way to the dinner hall.

You sighed and picked up the markers they’d left on the floor, a small smile on your face as you looked at the doodles they’d left for you.

“You are such a celebrity here, I must say I am impressed,” Peter said, just a small bit jealous of the attention the children had given to you today. He was usually their favourite.

“Aww, do you want to draw on me too?” you cooed, teasing him and waving a marker in his face.

Without a word, he snatched the purple marker from your grasp and took your hand in his. He drew a small little heart on your hand.

“There,” he said, passing the marker back to you with a grin on his face, those eyes of his shining with pride, “now I don’t have to be jealous anymore.”

It was an understatement to say that you spent the rest of your day staring down at that little heart, a foolishly large grin on your face.

MASTERLIST

SEND AN ASK / FIC REQUEST HERE

#stranger things #001 x reader #stranger things 001 #peter ballard fanfic #peter ballard stranger things #peter ballard x reader #stranger things season 4 #001 stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #001 imagine #001 x you #peter ballard #st vecna #vecna x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #eleven stranger things #stranger things eleven #011 #011 stranger things

[abandonedbun]

Hey so Bun also likes the game, she isn’t writing for it but I am so I decided to write smth for Ashton :) Xo, Dollie

Ashton Harlow dating headcanons

He is legit the sweetest partner you could ask for

So respecting of your boundaries, very loving

He’s just a bit shy.. also he has a bit of a limit to talking to people

But for his s/o he can manage a bit more! But if he really is tired he’d like to just relax with them (probs by napping)

His ears are so fluffy… You ever wanna pet them? Or have a little feel?

He might not let you cuz they’re lowkey sensitive, maybe if you’re reallyyy gentle he’ll let you

He’s super tall, so if you ask he could probs carry you around easily since he’s pretty strong

But in his FULL anima form? He’s SUPER SUPER tall! (It’s canon he’s 6’5 when he isn’t in his full form, his full form is apparently 12ft?!)

Giant fluffy bunny… so cute

The fluffy bunny likes cuddles a lot, especially sleepy ones

He’s usually the big spoon but maybe he can be small spoon (goodluck tho, he’s a big dude so unless you’re somehow bigger there might be some trouble)

Sometimes is worried he isn’t good enough, please give him reassurance :(

He loves you sm <33

Also if you get extra sneezy from weather changes (like Bun and I…) he is keeping his dust magic AWAY from you, he hates making people sneeze because of it

Would also ask if you need any meds for it, if you say no he’ll ofc understand, if you do need any tho and you don’t have some he’ll get them for you

If you’re sick or get sick often he is not letting you overwork yourself

Anything slightly tiring is a NO

Ashton is never usually the confident and stubborn type, but if he thinks/knows it’s best he won’t budge

Makes sure you take all your meds, rest well, etc

Even if you hate meds he’s making you take them, sorry

When you get better tho he gives you a lil kiss and a hug :>

ALSOOO if you want/can, you two have workout sessions together! He likes having you near him so if you two work out together he’ll be more motivated!

If you can’t it’s also fine! Y’all can go to the nap club lmao

Or the garden for garden dates!!!

He can get very romantic in the garden every once in a while, shy bb isn’t so shy then lol

Ashton best bf frfr get urself an Ashton

#Ashton Harlow #Saint spells love guide #Saint spells book guide to love #saint spells love guide x reader #sslg #sslg x reader #Saint spells book guide to love x reader #Ashton Harlow x Reader

[kalidoscope05]

Hey, i am currently experiencing 3am random thoughts so I’m going to dump on wir them here.

This does discuss some topics involving smoking, a mentioned surgery, an overworked mother and fear. If there is any other things in here that is triggering to any one please message me and let me know other than that please read if you are able to thank you and stay safe.

With the my current at home life things are a bit strange. My Dad ,with his recent leg surgery and not being able to come home for weeks, is currently staying up a my grandparents due to their home being more… spacious, i guess. That’s not important though but something that is import, especially context wise to the thought/ ideas I’ve had, is that my mom is the only on who works but she doesn’t only work a lot she is going through nursing school. So my point is my momma is a very tired women which goes with out saying she struggles to get any sleep so she sometimes struggles to get up when she does get some but my though come from this one night i had to wake her and it was a moment of my life i don’t think I can forget.

It was a Wednesday night, i had just got back with my grandmother from church. It was about thirty mins before my mom need to be awake so I just went out back and smoked a bit with my dad and grandmother. It wasn’t until about five or seven minutes before she needed be awake when dad said something about needing to wake her and I was like, “ Don’t worry about I’ll take care of it after I go in get me something to drink,” I still relatively a new smoker as in it still bothers my throat and lungs sometimes not important though. After getting my drink and maybe a snack i sat it done where I was sitting the living room and went to wake up mom.

From the time I have spent on the internet no one really talks about how terrifying it is to wake up your parents even at an older age. It make you feel like your doing something wrong and that’s how felt as slow approached her. At the time the only thing I remember feeling and seeing is fear. And it wasn’t like i fear for my life, it was more of a “ i don’t know what’s happening, i don’t want to fuck up i don’t know what I’m doing “ kind of fear. Due to that unknown and that fear I kinda hesitated before I even touched her or said anything. But I eventually just said whatever and woke her up. I went en gentle and just said quiet but loud enough she understood, “ hey its about a 8:30”.. cause that’s when she usually got up but um even with how gentle I was I still scared her. She jumped back real hard which not only scared her but scared me. And I think the thing that got me and what makes this a memory that will stick to me is that… fear in her eyes as she looked at me. Seeing the kinda fear in her eyes that I saw… i got to admit it hurt like hell. I never would have though that wake my own mother would led me to experience something I never want it experience again.

But that is just along winded telling of the idea I had after this experience i guess. It had me think of what remains of Edith finch, A glorious game with a fantastic but intriguing story. I want take different story’s of my childhood and my siblings and cousins, aunt, uncles etc. and turn them into a game similar to that game. Do you know what i mean, like take the way the story of Edith finch and how it was told but turn it into one about my family, u know?

Idk this just one long rant/ talk about a potential game i could work on i guess. Idk. If anyone sees this and has any thoughts of their own they would like to add just reblog with them or send them in to me anyway you can I guess. Idk i just wanted this off my mind and in a write form.

#edith finch #what remains of edith finch #3am thoughts #services no purpose #I’m sorry if poorly written I tried #game concept #game maker

[bardofavon]

Number 18 about the scene where they sleep together pls 😌

weird questions for writers

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

OKAY you need to know that when i first read this ask i completely misinterpreted and went 'they did WHAT???? WHEN??? did I write that???' and then i remembered that they literally slept together. like. in the same bed sleeping side by side. they did not have intercourse. i totally would have remembered that.

So anyway, now that you understand what I just went through in my brain I will definitely take you through this scene.

I can let you know right now it was supposed to be quick banter and i did not anticipate them going on about it for 3k words and for that to be the entire chapter. It just kind of came about that I just knew it had to happen. Like, they're on a fucking boat, they're sharing a room, this isn't a situation where they can continue to go on with just sleeping in a chair or on the floor indefinitely.

I'd been flirting with it for a few chapters and Kaz was at the point where he also knew it had to happen at some point. Honestly, my writing process for this was to lay down on my couch, think about how tired and overworked I am, and then write for two hours without stopping hahahaha.

This version of the Darkling that I'm creating....I want to make it clear that he is a bastard, he is always going to be a bastard, but he does care about Kaz and he's not going to cross those lines without explicit permission. But at this point he thinks it's his fucking room too and if Kaz wants something he needs to ask for it because it's honestly exhausting trying to keep Kaz from going off or getting angry at him about something so at a certain point in this chapter he's decided to stop walking on eggshells and stop having to play the constant game of guessing what Kaz wants and just make him ask.

Like, yes, the Darkling is going to compromise with Kaz. Kaz wasn't sure of this, but it's something I knew from the very start. He is unwilling to put Kaz in a position longterm where he feels physically or emotionally uncomfortable for no reason. Kaz does not know this.

But yeah, okay, the Darkling will play the game of 'what makes this man more uncomfortable, being in bed together half naked or talking about his feelings' (insane because those are both things I would personally like to do with the darkling).

When Kaz has the line where he realizes the Darkling was always planning on doing what he felt comfortable with but wanted to put Kaz in the position of having to vocalize his wants and he says 'this is what love is' he's being sarcastic but at the same time he's...not...? He has a certain respect for the Darkling in this moment and he's growing a little fond of their incapability to interact without manipulating the interaction from both sides.

Compromising to make the other person happy while also never compromising how truly insufferable you are as a person is a petty decent idea of love to him at this point, I think.

The part where they're lying in bed in the dark trying to sleep and the Darkling asks Kaz that question is something I enjoyed writing but felt sooooo nervous about putting in there because anytime I put something that blatant in the story I have to go though the 7 stages of talking myself into believing it's in character.

Kaz would never admit something like that with the lights on and he also would never have admitted something like that if the Darkling had in any way given him any push back on trying to navigate their sleeping arrangements, but I wanted to show the deepening connection between them in that Kaz is starting to trust the Darkling with more. He's no longer the scary monster under the bed, he's the monster inside.

So anyway, that doesn't exactly cover the prompt in that I'm not really talking though how it changed as much as my thought process going into why I made the choices I made, but the honest truth is that it didn't change too much from start to finish.

The changes were me going "okay and now what if" and "okay now they should" and "now they're going to talk about" and so on...I just started writing and it naturally progressed and then I went 'well this is who they are now i guess'

#a good myth is hard to kill #writing #ask meme

[jubileebloom]

Episode lists from the last seasons of MLP FiM except I Made Some Of It Up and then gave up on season 9

I am good at titles I swear

Season 8:

Students Abroad: Part 1 Twilight Sparkle and Cheerilee hope to start off the new school year with some additional students in Ponyville’s high school, but the EEA has other ideas.

Students Abroad: Part 2 Chancellor Neighsay is against the idea of having non-ponies attend a school run by ponies. When Twilight tries to convince him otherwise, she runs into problems with the leaders of other countries as well.

The Maud Couple

Manehattan Monthly Magazine Fluttershy offers to look after Rarity’s boutique while she’s away, but when a reporter comes by looking to write about the shop, she has to figure out how Rarity would want all his questions answered.

Grannies Gone Wild

Surf and/or Turf

Horse Play

The Parent Map

Party’s Favored Applejack and Rainbow Dash volunteer to lead a field trip with the multicultural student program, but their students end up arguing about which pony is better.

idk anything but the god damn miscommunication trope

Molt Down

Marks for Effort The Cutie Mark Crusaders are looking forward to joining the multicultural student program next year for their final years of school, but Scootaloo’s poor grades are putting her in danger of being ineligible to join.

idk anything but the mean 6 that was AWFUL

oh yeah gave up on season 8 too

Season 9:

uhhhhh idk just not the mean 3 and the tree of harmony still gets destroyed but Celestia and Luna aren't certain on retiring yet they're just considering it I really should have written this out before posting but I Am Tired and I Am Giving Up

the main point was me just adding on another season for funsies so here we go (I don't even like half of these but oh well here we are I tried)

Season 10:

Insurrections of Harmony: Part 1 Ponies and places of importance are being targeted by the newly discovered League of Silent Voices, but Twilight wonders if they are truly enemies or allies in disguise.

Insurrections of Harmony: Part 2 After the League goes too far with one of their demonstrations, Twilight and her friends must navigate difficult decisions about how to respond to their protests.

Wings out of Whack Gallus, Gabby, Smolder, and Silverstream are all volunteering to help Derpy Hooves make her delivery rounds when they run into her old childhood bully.

Inside and Outside While working on restoring a garden, Sandbar and Yona confront Ocellus over her recent reluctance to stay in her natural form.

Little Creatures, Big Hearts Pipsqueak finds he might be in over his head after he volunteers in a massive Trottingham community service project and takes on a major role.

Larger than Life LARPing When word gets out about Discord’s unique, immersive way of running Ogres and Oubliettes games, he finds himself suddenly popular among a large community of O&O fans.

Fix-up Mix-up Twilight has called up Tempest Berrytwist and Scootaloo to meet a group of researchers who want to experiment with giving them additional abilities. As they question what they truly want, the experiment takes an unexpected turn.

Illuminated Crystal Skies As Flurry Heart is getting a bit older, Cadence and Shining Armor begin to worry if being raised royal is right for her.

Gold Star Grownup Starlight Glimmer’s old teacher has moved to Ponyville to help with the multicultural student program, and Starlight has to prove to him that she’s managed to become a functional adult after being a disaster in his class.

Have A Nice Daisy Someone has been leaving daisy chains on the doorsteps of every home in Ponyville, and in trying to find this mysterious benefactor, the citizens get a chance to bond with their neighbors a bit better.

Too Tired to Trot Rainbow Dash has to talk Spitfire into taking some time off as it becomes clear that the Wonderbolt is overworking herself.

Far From the Family Tree The League of Silent Voices has started revealing private information about powerful figures publicly. But when they manage to unearth who Celestia and Luna’s parents were, the sisters themselves may not be able to handle the discovery.

Of Trees and Time’s Passage A discovery is made about Celestia and Luna’s connection to the late Tree of Harmony, and the effects of its destruction may be worse than they knew.

Radiant Stage Lights Rarity and Kerfuffle write to each other for advice and support as they each prepare for their own upcoming fashion shows.

Animal Jamming Fluttershy is eager to rejoin the revived Pony Tones, but finds it difficult to make time in her schedule as her animal shelter is in full swing.

Lights Shining Down Starswirl and Twilight gather a large group of unicorns to figure out a pressing question: what to do about raising and lowering the Sun and Moon.

League of Losers Conflict is brewing at the headquarters of the League of Silent Voices, as every member has different ways they want to go about their goals.

Mystery of the Missing Marmalade Applejack receives word from Cherry Jubilee that her farm is in trouble, and she begins to suspect that foul play was involved.

Young Souls, Old Stories The Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Young Six team up with the Pillars for an important mission: correct some things their history textbooks got wrong.

Forever Your Filly Overwhelmed by all her responsibilities, Twilight borrows a page from Celestia and Luna’s most recent chapters and spends the day with her parents to destress, bringing Spike along too.

Ribbons and Wrappings Pinkie Pie worries her gift-giving game has gotten rusty, so she decides to find just-because gifts for all her family and friends.

Interdimensional Re-visitors Sunset Shimmer spends a day back in Equestria, bringing some unexpected guests back with her.

Equestria Reborn, Part 1: Every Voice Calling The League of Silent Voices has finally swayed many ponies of Equestria to their side, but amidst the chaos being spread, some start to question their leader’s motives.

Equestria Reborn, Part 2: Negotiations of Traitors With Frostbiters being spotted all over Equestria, it’s up to the three princesses to try to come to an agreement with the League’s leader.

Equestria Reborn, Part 3: Dawn of Dreams Every creature must choose to come back together after it turns out that Swaying Scales’s plans weren’t as benevolent as they had seemed, while Scales reflects on her own rise to power.

Scrolls and Celebrations Some time after Equestria’s government was reformed, Twilight and all her co-rulers struggle to get their paperwork done in time to join in on the Unity Festival.

#my little pony #mlp fim #long post

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi Kait! Admittedly, I'm a little embarrassed to ask this, since I'm fairly certain you'll recognize me, but I was looking around your page and I saw that match-ups were open, and... given my intense conflict regarding who the literal fuck I'd actually work well within MysMe, I thought I'd give it a shot. It's a lot easier to talk about myself under the guise of anonymity, so I suppose I'll start there. I'm a college freshman diagnosed with anxiety and depression hoping to get my double major in Psychology and Philosophy, and an eventual PHD in Psych. I am prone to overworking myself and tend to use escapism as an outlet for the fact that I'm never particularly satisfied with my own effort. I spend most of my free time outside of class sitting in my room working on art, writing, or trying to socialize with people (be it online or offline). I play a fair amount of games, but barely have the time to do so because of my tendency to overwork myself. I did a lot of theater and performance throughout my life, so I have a passion for watching musicals and assisting in performances backstage. I like being onstage as well, but previously it's proved more trouble than it's worth, especially since I'm always the 'reliable' cast, not the 'talented' cast. I also have an interest in flower language and plants, despite the fact that I kill most every plant I touch. As for my personality... that one is a little complicated. Offline I perceive myself to be an absolute anxious wreck. I'm always tired and always running around in an attempt to keep up with my responsibilities. However, outwardly people tend to perceive me as confident and knowledgable. I do wonderful in my academics and have a love for debate and asking hard questions, even if internally I am screaming at myself for stuttering or seeming silly. Online I tend to be a lot more open about myself and my emotions, but still fairly guarded as I try my best to maintain my privacy. I try to make people happy and build connections online since I feel more 'myself' there. Once I get close to someone I tend to enjoy peaceful silence with them. I'm a very physically affectionate person as words fail me so often, and I like listening to people just not too much. Chatterboxes get on my nerves, especially when someone repeats the same phrase over and over again. I have noise sensitivity issues as well, which doesn't help things. I'm also terrified of water - specifically the ocean. Any mention of swimming and I panic. I also have slight jealousy issues due to past relationship trauma. I'm 5'7 with a brown pixie cut that's admittedly a little overgrown right now, rose gold rounded square glasses with a slight cat eye, and blue-green eyes that tend to shift colors depending on what I'm wearing. I have quite a few birthmarks littered on my skin - most importantly one above my lip and another under my right eye. My ears are pierced, and I tend to wear black hoops unless I'm dressing up. Day to day I tend to look like your typical tired college student, but if I'm going somewhere I try to dress in cottagecore style attire with lots of sparkly makeup. I'm pan, and my love languages are physical touch and quality time. Something as simple as a hug or a hand to hold can turn me from stressed and panicked to melty and calm in minutes. I value intelligence a lot in a person, which is why I tend to like the nerdy types of characters in media. I also need someone who isn't shy about reminding me to not beat myself up. I tend to spiral anxiety wise a lot, especially if I believe that I've hurt my partner. I want someone who'll be there for me despite the mistakes that we might make. Someone long term. I have two partners currently, but I don't think that I'd end up polyamorous in any other circumstance than those two. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Kait. I apologize for how lengthy it ended up being haha. Please remember that you're greatly appreciated! Have a wonderful day. — 🌸

I match you with...

Jumin!

You value quiet intimacy.

You're not looking for a relationship where you feel as though you have to fill in the silence every waking moment. You want somebody that you can be comfortable with and being comfortable means the world to you. That's what you value at the end of the day. You're not looking for something that has way more energy than you can even remotely handle, you're looking for something that is peaceful and brings you a sense of contentment with your life.

You don't want something that's overwhelmingly fraught with energy. You want to be with somebody after a long day, not saying anything, and just sharing a look that says all that needs to be said. That's your ideal relationship. Mutual understanding. No pressure. Just a silence that says, "I'm here, I'm listening, and you're safe" both ways.

Which is why I was torn between Jaehee and Jumin when I looked at your submission without bias. Ultimately, I came to this conclusion as soon as I noted how you felt as though you needed a partner who had the ability to say something when you need a reminder to be nicer to yourself. and Jumin isn't one to mince words. He'll say what needs to be said and he won't hold back.

That is because he understands that if you are close to him, you'll understand where he's coming from when he says things to you in a very matter-of-fact way. He's not the kind of person who will hold back when you need to hear something.

He understands that you're going to know what he means when he says something bluntly. That's the important thing about being in a relationship with him. He said something from the heart, and he won't hold back if you have communicated to him that you need him to be honest. He will expect the same from you because that is what a great relationship is founded on. Communication. You don't have to be afraid of holding back when you’re with him. 

#ask #anon #mod kait #matchup

[anonniemousefics]

Dear Nonnie!

Being in my thirties, I am constantly tired, depressed, overworked and running on coffee and a strong desire to live another day because in the end of it I can finally go to sleep (to be woken a few too many times by a wee baby). Which is probably how all adults live. All that being said, my head is full of ideas, characters, scenes from the books and stupid shit like that. I am bot a writer, I actually love to paint. How do I find time and enough will to do something about that instead of just lie there on the bed at my free moments? How fanfic writers find the time to write all that awesome staff?

Please share advice and wisdom,

Your anonymous admirer, still alive.

PS. That scene in the prison cell in Fjorda between separated Inej and Kaz was hot as hell. Loved it. As all your others fics, obviously.

Dear Still Alive,

I love you! I AM you! Well, except for one key difference, which is that my baby is not so wee anymore. He’s in school now, which is a game-changer, trust me. Getting enough sleep at night just isn’t a thing I have to stress about anymore – and someday, that will be you again, too. It’s true! I know people like to tease parents and say, like, “Haha you’ll never sleep again,” but I promise they’re full of shit! You will have long, luxurious sleeps again, and when you do, I think you’ll find you have the capacity to do so much more than you are able to now.

So, first thing’s first: cut yourself some slack and give yourself some love. You should rest when you need to rest. The fact that you want to lie in bed today is not failure or poor time management. It’s very possible that you’re lying there on the bed because you NEED to lie there on the bed. You’re doing so much already!! The urge to lie down is a very real physical response to the super chaotic world we have to navigate, made all the more exhausting when you have small children, and it’s just as deserving of attention as hunger or thirst or any other physical need.

In fact, you’re not just allowed to rest, you’re encouraged to rest – that’s actually a vital part of the creative process! I have exactly zero ideas when I’m pushing myself and anxious and stressing myself out. Literally all of my ideas waltz in when I’m having a long shower, or I’m driving somewhere and I’ve got nothing better to do with my mind, or I’m trying to grab another fifteen minutes of shut-eye before the alarm goes off. None of the magic happens when I’m spread thin and I’m forcing myself to cram in 30 minutes of writing because I told myself I had to or I’ll never make it as a writer (which, believe me, I’ve tried this route and it’s nothing but pain and suffering all the way down. 0/10 stars, would not recommend).

So, here’s the switch I made for myself to help me to start to create again, and maybe you’ll find it useful, too. But be warned: it’s not a quick fix, and it’s actually taken a couple years of therapy to get here. Anyway, it’s this: I made a conscious decision to stop guilting myself and instead to trust myself. When I want to use my free time to rest, I rest. When I want to use my free time to read a bunch of fic or just scroll through Instagram reels, that’s what I do. I trust that my body’s giving me that urge for a reason, just like it does with hunger or thirst, and I try to pay attention to when it stops feeling like rest or fun. Because none of those things are inherently bad, you know? Do them. Enjoy them. We need them. Don’t guilt yourself over them – just try to notice when your brain makes the switch to “that’s enough.”

And then, after I did this for a while, something started to happen. As my nervous system got used to having its needs met – and I’m talking not just the basic ones like food and shelter, but like rest and connection and freedom from shame etc. – then I started to have more energy. I started to need less time to lie down. I started to have ideas again, and I started to want to do something with them, and not just in like a wistful “I hope to do this someday” kind of way, but in like a “This is what I’m going to do now and here’s when I will do it” kind of way. And it started little! It started so little, I cannot stress this enough! If the inspiration hits you to sketch a little scene on a napkin, that is still art!!! You are still an artist, and you practiced art in that moment, and you practiced it joyfully and authentically and you should celebrate that!!! Even, and maybe especially, if it doesn’t look exactly the way you pictured it in your mind (because chances are it never will). And then do it again!!! It’s like a muscle, and it will grow a little stronger every time you do.

And then here’s the other amazing thing that will happen, if you start practice art this way – just like how after you’ve stuck with a workout plan for awhile, you start to feel more energized after a good workout, the same thing start to happen when you’re able to create art authentically, joyfully, and without guilt. It becomes a form of self-care. And I can’t speak for all fanfic writers, but this is entirely why I do it. I work in moments to do it (a thing which is a hell of a lot easier to do now that my kid is in school), because when I do, I actually have more energy now, having gone through this growth process. A lot of the time (not all of the time, but a lot of the time) I actually feel more like myself than I would have if I’d spent time doing something else. It becomes its own reward – but before that can happen, it has to be treated like a reward, you feel me? And that means no guilt when you don’t have time or energy for it and lots of grace for yourself when you make mistakes and it doesn’t look the way you wanted it to.

So, I wish I could offer you like the perfect time management spreadsheet or like access to the secret nanny-swap service we all use (I wish), but, for better or for worse, it’s been my experience that the time and the will to do creative stuff comes with rest and a lot of self love and acceptance. And a kid that sleeps through the night. Sorry about that part. That part just comes with time.

Wishing you lots of coffee and peaceful nights.

Much love,

Nonnie

P.S. - I may or may not be working on a sequel to that one. (I am. It’s just taking awhile.)

#dear nonnie #living out my fantasy of being an underqualified advice columnist #anon asks #ask box #fanfiction stuff #art stuff #work life balance and other impossible things

[variousincorrectxreader]

hii ! i hope i'm not disturbing you or anything but i was wondering if i could get a male aot & arcane matchup ?? if you're not taking any requests or so, please disregard this hehe

i'm 19 ( turning 20 in a few months ew ), an architecture student, pansexual with a more male preference, libra, and my mbti is enfj if you need all that jazz ! hehe

appearance-wise, i have dark brown eyes, long layered wavy-curly hair that's dyed kinda like a golden-brown ( though my original dark brown hair is showing since i haven't dyed my hair in months hekhok ). i am short ( 4'11 - 5'0 😭 ), i have tanned skin, and long black nails as of the moment ! i also wear these transparent-rimmed glasses, though they're mainly used when i use gadgets or read.

for hobbies, i like to create art ( mainly sketch and paint using watercolor now bc of my major ), watch anime, do makeup, play video games, and read books ! i love anything horror, stephen king and junji ito are my favorites in the genre. i also love true crime and psychology ( would've prob taken political science or criminology if i didn't take architecture ) !

personality-wise, people would say i am very sociable, outspoken, and friendly. they also say that i'm funny and very loud ( in a good way! ). i join a lot of organizations in my school and my friends and classmates would always joke about me being the next president or vice-president of our organizations. i call everyone 'babes' or 'babe' and i can easily make friends or joining in the crowd/bond with someone because i am bond to have at least one similarity with the person, may it be from our likes, dislikes, or experiences. my friends also say that i am a 'motherly' type of person; someone who loves love, who is protective, who tries to help in anyway they can, and who will love someone with all of their heart.

ig my type would be nerdy people who can be your best friend HDKSJDKD i don't specifically have a type bc i tend to go from the soft and cute people to the shy or quiet mysterious people HDJAJDKDKS. though, i like the idea of someone balancing me out, so probably a mix of both where like they're my best friend who teases me but they're more quiet and less sociable than me with other people. behind closed doors or when there aren't that much people around, they're romantic and clingy though HEHEHEH

that's all ig HAHHAHA i'm sorry if this is long but i hope you have a great day, babes ! mwah 💋

- 📐 anon

Hi! First off sorry it took so long, I just put off writing shit bc im just so tired. Anyways, im so sorry but I sort of fell out of AOT so I just wrote the arcane one out :( your arcane match up... I pair you with....

VIKTOR

Hes a nerd as well dw.

bro whenever you’re watching a crime show, or anything actually he figures out the plot and he’ll ask you if you want to know all the plot twists 💀💀. Wont tell you if you say no. I feel like he would love watching romance animes with you, he thinks they’re neat.

wont ask you to draw him but will be really pleased if you do, loves watching you play around with water colors, he finds it relaxing.

when hes really busy with hex tech he’ll invite you into his office and let you sit in silence with your head resting on his lap.

you help him socialize, lord knows he needs more friends. Appreciates your outgoing personality bc that means he won’t have to talk much around people at social functions 💀.

wouldn’t mind if you called other people babe or babes but you have to give him a nickname that you call him and only him.

You make sure he isn’t overworking himself and makes sure he’s getting enough rest, specially with his illness :(

since Jayce mainly covers the public appearances he doesnt mind you being clingy since he doesn’t have as high a reputation to hold so he lets you cling to him

you two cuddle up and read your favourite books ranging from fantasy and science based ones (his choice) or horror books (yours)

#- 📐 anon #anon answered #matchup #personalised post #arcane #Arcane x reader #viktor x reader #x reader

[astrxealis]

Apollo hi hello, I hope you’re doing well <3

I keep seeing your hades II rbs on dash and I am looking 👀 (I love seeing them sm) I remember wanting to get into hades a while ago but I never got the time <//3

So I was wondering what you like about it the most?? I’m considering buying the first game since there’s a discount going on but I was just curious about how the game is and all that, like your general thoughts on it. Sorry if this is random and coming out of no where :’)) feel feee to ignore this if I’m bothering you in any way

Anyways, remember to take care of yourself. Drink lots of water and eat your meals 🫶🫶 remember to take breaks and try not to overwork !!

- tired

TIRED HELLO HI i am doing WELL RN !! but also not because there's so much reqs bcs final week before break but also i am doing mostly good <3 I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL AS WELL !!!!! <33

okay omg YEAH i am currently super obsessed my brain is so -@;!()!-?-&!;/!@,' (sobbing) but TYSM FR WAH ..... >___< and honestly i really do rec hades it's so good (I GET YOU BTW i haven't actually. like got incredibly far in the game but i do have a fair amount of time in it + the only reason why i have it tbh is bcs of a family member <//3)

(OKAY I PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE IF THAT'S FINE I'M SORRY IF THIS GOT LONG i was just replying normally and didn't realize i said so much oh my god)

OKAY SO. okay. tbh i'm not completely sure what i like the most but it's probably a combo of the art design/style + gameplay + characters. the art i'd say is incredibly beautiful and unique !!! the designs are really lovely and all (esp as someone who is a big fan of greek mythology which is one factor as to why i love the game so much!) <3 the gameplay is REALLY fun. and good. it's a roguelike game and it actually ties to the game's concept of death and resurrection ?? (underworld stuff. zag is literally the god of rebirth) and it's REALLY good at what it does. very addicting. no run is exactly the same and i personally didn't think i'd be fond of roguelike games but hades just really hits with it !! (a lot of people who don't like roguelike games seem to think this way too). tbh if hades is your kinda game then it genuinely is. sort of. really a Perfect Game ?? story + gameplay + visuals are like the three pillars of it and as far as i personally know all of that is just incredibly good. the protag is likeable, the other characters are likeable, i don't know some of the most important story bits yet but so far it truly is very interesting, each run is connected to the last (such that if you get a different boss, zag actually says smth abt that! it is a very fluid game. if that's properly describing it). LOWKEY EVERYONE IN THE GAME IS HOT. most likely bcs of the artstyle which is really just so nice <3 BUT YEAH i don't really like roguelikes bcs you kinda restart progress right? but hades really feels productive with each run (i even look forward to dying in game!!!!!) and there's so much failure but i don't really feel frustrated. it's a really rewarding game imo and no wonder a lot of people considered it to be their goty of 2020 (and it won a few awards for that too i think) <33 SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT YEAH .... the game genuinely is just so good. also the voice acting is actually great. ALSO the romance options are super cool (AND POLY IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE I THINK. INCREDIBLY COOL) and yeah the devs are worth supporting from what i know and are very inclusive it seems. might be wrong tho FKHSKDNSJ (EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION THERE IS AN AROMANTIC CHARACTER IN HADES AS WELL. SUPER COOL. actually im not too sure but yeah)

DW THIS IS VERY WELCOME AND I WAS GLAD TO RECEIVE THIS FR !!!!! not a bother at all >;)) lowkey should put this writing for my school work SOBBING BUT NW LOL IT'S JUST A BIT FUNNY TO ME

so yeah SORRY IF THIS IS WAY TOO LONG and TYSM AGAIN !! and for the very much needed reminder gah i should drink water fr >___< <33

#⋯ ꒰ა my galaxy ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა letters of stardust ໒꒱ *·˚ #TY TIRED THIS ASK IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED UHM. SORRY AGAIN IS THIS IS WAY TOO LONG #TLDR: i think visuals story and gameplay of hades are all so incredibly good ?!!!????!! #it's very good at what it does and lowkey a bit of a perfect game fr. enjoyable even if you aren't the biggest fan of this kinda game !!! #also i think a very important thing i like about this game is THANATOS (sorry i just really like him) #tag later

[1eaf-me-alone]

This is my first time doing an ask, so sorry. But I saw your post about matching and I thought it sounds fun, don't feel any pressure btw. I am a female with she/her pronouns, my mbti is ISTJ-A 6W5, I am straight, I am pretty short tbh, I am 5'1. My zodiac sign is Libra but I am not really like one. My hobbies are cosplaying and playing video games, the games I like are either fantasy or science fiction like Genshin, skyrim and Overwatch. As a person I am introverted and can easily get tired when I am in crowded places, I wouldn't say I am shy. Planning and seeing things from a realistic and logical is how I make my decisions. I don't like to show emotion, so if someone asks me if I am ok when I feel low I might just burst out crying not saying a word of what happened or why I am sad. So my ideal partner is someone who won't pressure me with my emotions, someone who is loyal and just makes me feel safe.

(Romantic match up, if it should have one platonic that is up to you🙂)

And don't feel pressure about writing this

your match is ……. Xiao and Kokomi

(Xiao as romantic and Kokomi for platonic)

Xiao:

the two of you can be short together - you won’t be getting any short jokes from him.

sometimes the two of you could just sit there together in silence. Sharing the moment together.

As both of you don’t like loud/ crowded places you usually meet in small quiet places- or above the wangshu inn. On the roof. 

Xiao admires the way you plan everything from a logical point of view.

Both of you don’t like showing emotion. But maybe the two of you could learn to open up together?

He won’t pressure you with emotions, in fact he definitely is very good with personal space 

Whenever Xiao cares for someone he cares for someone. He’ll make sure you are safe at all costs. Whatever it takes. If anyone lays a finger on you he won’t take it lightly 

If Xiao does ever ask if you are ok- and you do end up bursting into tears he’ll just be there patting your back and listening if you when anything to say. 

Both of you are there for eachother

Crouching on the roof of wangshu in as you gaze into the sky and talk 

Whenever you come visit him you may bring him some almond tofu. He really likes that you do that. 

whenever Xiao kisses you, he means it. The first time he does so, he looks you in the eyes, gently cups your face, and kisses you.

You will feel safe with Xiao he will make sure you won’t get hurt.

Xiao looked at you. ”are you ok?” unstoppable tears started rolling down your eyes, you hugged your chest tight, and pulled your knees in wanting to disappear just how Xiao could do whenever he didn’t want to be there . You couldn’t bear to see his expression right now. Xiao hugged you tightly, never wanting to let you go.

— — — — —

Kokomi:

whenever the both of you need alone time, or somewhere to relax Kokomi will lead you to her private cave. the two of you could sit there talking, reading or doing anything you want together.

sometimes she’ll lead you to waterfalls, as the two of you hear the sound of splashing water 

Both of you look and plan things out logically and whenever Kokomi needs help (and sometimes she doesn’t admit so) she’ll come to you- as you also view things in a very logical perspective 

You were surprised at how planned out Kokomi really is. She seems to have back up plans for her back up plans 

You try and tell her not to overwork. You can see when she’s overwhelmed from all the people around her and you try comfort her. 

Whenever you burst into tears, Kokomi will stick by you. She won’t even ask why you are upset. She’ll just be there to make sure you are ok. 

the two of you could go on walks together

Whenever you cosplay Kokomi might help you- or you could cosplay together (as friends) 

Both of you enjoy reading and solitude. 

You worry about how much Kokomi overworks. 

The two of you take care of eachother. Making sure the both of you are healthy, and not too tired. 

Planning and seeing things from a realistic and logical point of view is how you both make my decisions.

Both of you sat under the waterfall, you gasped in astonishment the foot of the boulders sprinkling up bubbles of spray, as it created a breathtaking rainbow mist. The droplets sparkled beautifully in the dying light and shimmered like stars in the sky. The sound of the thrumming waterfall blocked out all your worries and thoughts, as you looked at Kokomi and smiled. — — — — —

I hope you enjoyed reading this anon :)

well that’s all with the fourteenth ask if you want to send an ask click here for more details on the event.

#Xiao #xiao x you #xiao x y/n #genshin impact #genshin x reader #xiao fluff #kokomi #sangonomiya kokomi #koko x reader #kokomi x y/n #kokomi sangonomiya

[linawritesocs]

my ocs' wish upon a star voicelines

okay, so. yesterday i suddenly got inspired to write these, but then tumblr crashed right when i finished. and when i was about to try and write them again, my dog got scared for some reason and i had to calm her down and when i finally started writing, the power went out. yeah. so i typed these in my phone's notes app when my phone was this close to dying and i couldn't charge it. the things i do for my ocs.

vance mintberry.

groovy: "you know, i never really found stars that interesting, but now that i'm watching them.. this actually feels kinda calming."

set home: "i'm so happy that i was chosen as a stargazer! i'm so excited, i promise that i'll do my best!"

home idle 1: "deuce-kun sure is working hard! i admire him so much! oh, but of course, i'm working just as hard as him, hehe~"

home idle 2: "i'm a bit tired.. do you mind if i take a short nap next to you? thank you. wait, why are you patting my head? because you're proud of me? o-okay then.."

home idle 3: "about the dance part, don't worry, i have lots of energy and i'm actually pretty good at dancing! so i just know that i'm gonna do well! thank you for caring about me though!"

home idle groovy: "stop asking me to take a break! i'm not overworking myself, i'm fine! look at others, look at deuce-kun, even idia's been collecting wishing stars! so why are you only worried about me? it's like.. it's like you think i'm weaker than others or something."

home tap 1: "trey-kun really wished for a food processor?" *laughs* "that's so much like him! that's our reliable and caring older brother figure.. hey, do you think i'll be able to become like him someday?"

home tap 2: "hearing idia use all that gamer slang makes me remember just how much i liked to use game-related words in my speech.. ugh, just the thought of it makes me cringe. my pre-overblot phase was kinda embarrassing."

home tap 3: "so ortho-kun has been doing all of this for his older brother's sake.. i know how that feels, i have an older brother too. and he also had not the best reputation back when he was a nrc student.. i worry about him sometimes. i wonder how he's doing without me."

home tap groovy: "it's over, huh.. even though i cried a bit, i still had fun. i think i understand myself a little better now. also, sorry for making a scene earlier, i just.. couldn't control myself. hey, i'm fine, i'm fine, you don't have to hug me!"

merrill gardner.

groovy: "hey, even though i don't look so reliable, i'm still your upperclassman. you can always ask me for help or advice, if it's something you don't want to share with heartslabyul students, i'll always be here."

set home: "let's work together to make this year's star send-off the best we've ever had!~" *laughs* "that was my magicam persona's voice. did you like it?"

home idle 1: "you've been staring at me like this for so long, just tell me if you need something. oh, you think i look beautiful in this outfit? thank you, i can't help but agree. this outfit was the only reason i agreed to participate actually, i just knew that i'd look great in it."

home idle 2: "just when i thought that i'm finally free, i have to work with this guy.. i hope the headmaster knew what he's doing when he chose idia for this event. though we both know that he had no thoughts in his head when he made that decision."

home idle 3: "ortho-chan is so cute.. why are you looking at me like that? am i not allowed to call someone cute? listen, if someone asked me who's the better shroud brother, i'd say that ortho-chan is superior. you agree, don't you?"

home idle groovy: "even though vance-chan ended up crying exactly because we worried about him too much, i still want him to rely on me more. he's pushing himself way too hard, he doesn't have to try and prove that he's stronger than we think."

home tap 1: "hey, I don't want to distract you from admiring my looks, but can you go and tell austin-chan that he looks great in his outfit? i just told him that and his reaction was priceless! come on, let's turn this guy into a blushing mess together!"

home tap 2: "what, my wish was too predictable for you? oh, i'm sorry, is being passionate about my hobbies a bad thing? at least my wish wasn't as bad as trey's."

home tap 3: "do you think rsa also had their own star send-off? if so, i wonder what a certain student's wish was. i'm a nrc stargazer, but i still want to fulfill her wish if i can."

home tap groovy: "i'm tired. we can go back to our dorms now, right? wait, am i supposed to give my outfit back? i mean, it's traditional and all. i like it though.. hey, can you distract the headmaster while i leave with it?"

austin valiente.

groovy: "i don't think i'm ready to tell them the truth yet, i'll definitely get in trouble if i do. but.. there's this one person, i think i can trust them with my secret.."

set home: "ugh, do i really have to do this? what's the point of this event, we all know that most students would never give us their wishing stars!"

home idle 1: "stop staring at me already! do you need any- what do you mean, "you look too good in this outfit"?? did merrill make you tell me this? he really just wants to see me suffer.. "

home idle 2: "thankfully, i managed to get most ignihyde students' wishing stars. they're just either too scared of me or they remember how much i've done for them, so they can't say no to me~"

home idle 3: "it's so hard to move properly in these clothes.. i've ended up hitting merrill during dance practice! wait, that was actually kinda funny, you should've seen his face." *laughs*

home idle groovy: "so it was idia who made the stargazer gear.. how can someone like him make such an impressive thing?? this is so humiliating, it should've been me.. no, i'm not jealous or anything! it's just.. never mind."

home tap 1: "wait, if there's only idia's tablet with us, that means i can spend as much time with ortho as i want and idia won't be able to stop me? hey, i just think ortho is nice! it's not like i want to figure out how he works and see what's inside of him.."

home tap 2: "so this whole star send-off thing is pretty much tanabata, right? our events are not that creative, if you think about it.. how do i know about tanabata? um, i just heard you mention it.. oh, i have to go and get that student's wishing star."

home tap 3: "it feels so weird participating in this event with merrill, now that we know he was megu-chan this whole time.. it's even kinda exciting.. s-shut up, i like his photos, but i hate him as a person!"

home tap groovy: "it's finally over. even though the shroud brothers did, like, this whole thing, i want you to remember that the star send-off wouldn't happen without us too. okay, okay, it wouldn't happen without me, i said this only because i want you to praise me. so don't keep me waiting!"

hayden dahl.

groovy: "oh, i'm sorry for making you worry, i just needed to spend some time alone. i get overwhelmed easily when i have to talk to so many people."

set home: "i'm honored to be chosen as a stargazer. i promise i'll work hard to make this star send-off a success.. i hope my fellow stargazers do their best too."

home idle 1: "azul-san has been talking to me about the way octavinelle dorm can profit from this event.. but i just don't feel comfortable with it. is he really okay with using this traditional event for his own benefit?.. why am i even asking, of course he is."

home idle 2: "i hope deuce-kun doesn't end up overworking himself. he really wants the star send-off to happen. hehe, our freshmen are always so passionate and hardworking.. hm? what was i like when i was a freshman? oh, i don't think you'll find my story that interesting."

home idle 3: "i have to really use my brain when i'm getting other students' wishing stars. the way i ask them depends on their personality, my relationship with them, even their interests.. oh, i just know a lot about nrc students! "as expected from an octavinelle student"? haha, yeah, my fellow dorm members are usually very smart.. usually."

home idle groovy: "why did they want me to make a wish? they didn't even want to hear it, they covered their ears so that i won't have to worry about their reactions. did they ask me to do it only because of the event? hanging up my star with everyone else's felt nice though.."

home tap 1: "dance practice is over! i'm a little tired.. what do you mean, "i didn't know you were so bad at dancing"? you watched us this whole time?? well, i- i just- i don't have that much experience! but i'm sure i'll be able to learn how to dance soon! oh, maybe you can teach me?"

home tap 2: "why is everyone's wishes so.. weird? asking them to give me their wishing stars is one thing, but actually hearing their wishes?? i knew that there's something wrong with nrc students, but that's a whole another level! i hate them so much- ah, it's you! how long have you been standing there?"

home tap 3: "i wonder if my family will see me on tv tonight. you think they'll be proud of me?.. honestly, i doubt it."

home tap groovy: "great job, everyone! you all did so well today! i can't wait until the next year's star send-off! now let me just go back to my room.. what's this? you bought me chocolates to thank me for my hard work? um, t-thank you.."

#YES VANCE'S VIGNETTE IS GONNA BE EMOTIONAL #merrill is out here participating only because of his outfit and roasting crowley and saying trey's wish is dumb. what a king #AND YES i made a reference to esterill #will i post austin's backstory one day? maybe #is austin mentioning merrill too often? yes. i'm making the content i need and deserve #listen hayden being caught off guard when someone is genuinely being nice to him is just. so good #and i suddenly remembered about my very first twst oc back from 2020 who was supposed to be my yuu and i just. #DID I THINK ABOUT MAKING HIM INTO AN ACTUAL OC AND POSTING HIM JUST SO THAT I CAN MAKE HIM INTERACT WITH HAYDEN? YES. #but his personality was very similar to riley's and i promised that i won't make more ocs because i have too many so. so yeah #a gamer skater boy: vance #idia's e boy servant: merrill #the lonely mechanic: austin #the chameleon with a god complex: hayden

[frostbite-the-bat]

vent post where i overshare and complain about my life below because i wanna distract myself from studying because i'm having a hard time mentally motivating myself to do it !! yippie.

fucking hell only 2 days before my last part of finals and i REALLY dont feel like studying not only bc my mental health as of late aint been the best, my mood being bad today in general, but also just. really REALLY wanting to be over with it. to be over with it successfully i have to try, and i am trying quite hard, but man do i not want to. just a few pitiful days and im over with it. i'm feeling the same pressure as i did when i was about to do my first two finals... i've noticed i'm being a bit more distant in general aside from TRYING TO focus on studying (90% of the time im probably not doing much tbh)

and i just wish these finals were a bit fairer. we have 25 questions, right? well, it's a verbal test, we have like 20 minutes to speak to two teachers who **MAY** ask questions about it PLUS some official we dont know of. a stranger. and 20 minutes to prepare. oh, 25 questions? for that? sounds bad! well, it's only one question! sounds good, doesnt it?

well... you don't know which one you're gonna get. THANKFULLY we have the list of questions available to us - but we have no way of knowing what we may get. we have to prepare for literally anything, because if you slack studying even a singular one, you may get unlucky and that may be the one you're gonna end up stuck with. of course, they will ask questions to squeeze things out of you, and hint stuff...but i am just so worried i won't know. every time i study, there's a bit of something i just... skip over completely. i dont have the time or patience for it. it's too hard... and i spent too much time over working the other answers. like, really overworking on them, with pointless detail.

and that's the thing! we have to say as many details for this as possible... and for many of these questions i can honestly say i'm very confident about answering them! but... the rest, most of this, many of this... it's just so hard. it's too hard. i need to approach it from like... an angle of. just fill in everything a little bit. (forgot to mention, im working out each question in a google doc, as if i was answering it. i will then read through it and study it. re-writing things in my own words makes me remember topics better, and i often re-write a thing over and over for this same reason.)

and just... getting even a bit of something in so i feel fullfilled. but...in theory i should study what i don't know, which is what is so hard. i don't know where to begin. these questions are from all over the place....i always need so many confusing tab open just to answer one question - then close them and get stuff for the other question - but oops! the other half of it needs stuff from the previous ones, great...

and it's just a whole mess, and i am worried i may not make it. well...i did rather well on my actual finals. like, exceptionally well. better than i typically do. like, a B. i never ever get those grades. that's an excellent grade. even if i do not define myself by my grades, it feels good to know i did well on that. but...i know my verbal performance is bad... and for that, it was many topics in one test. okay, study a bit of everything and you're fine. but for this i need... a lot of detail for ONE THING. that i will not know what it'll be. and it's a BIG deciding factor on whether or not i pass.

and it SUCKS. i am so tired. not to mention i have been sleeping less to play games with friends, due to timezones, while attempting to manage my horrible attention span to attempt to study. at least...i am doing something? but i am afraid it won't be enough. it won't be valued. it won't be what i need. i am a person who values my breaks a bunch, and i need them. hell, even writing this was a bad idea as my hands are starting to hurt, making my entire self feel horribly exhausted. i wish i could write down those answers this quickly.

issue is the language barrier - i have managed to switch my thoughts to be mostly in english, and i am a native czech speaker. i really need to read things in czech a little bit more. but just...the motivation. the drive. here my drive is to express my feelings an annoyance, and just get it out of my system so i can focus better. but? for that?

a pointless test, where there is a big chance i will be given something i may be clueless about. i may panic and fuck everything up. and... after this. i do not know what i will do with my life. it's scary stuff.

i both wanna get out of here so i can truly be myself, but also, i have not been taught about life by my parents at all. i need them. even if i wish to escape from them and do what i want...do what i need to get better. glares at my dad. glares back at this post. i do not know how the world works.

i have zero plans. anything i'd want probably wouldn't go through - or they would tell me it's a bad idea, have comments on it, and i'd go back into my little shell again. i'm gonna need a job eventually, but i'd really like to see doctors or something first, because i'm like 99% sure covid from last year cause me to have chronic exhaustion (and probably pains? im in so much pain especially in my legs and arms so easily its unreal. i need to study this more) as well. i can't do shit for too long without spacing the fuck out and trying not to cry because of the pain. i perform badly. i am an anxious mess. however anything health related i ask about is met with "oh we don't need a doctor for THAT" or "oh, stop whining! this is what the real world is like. get used to it. don't sit down, you're so lazy. work hard."

and i don't plan on doing what my school taught me to do and fighting jobs is hard enough already. i am sure my parents won't mind supporting me while being unemployed for a while, but... i know that my dad will pressure me a lot. hell, he joked about it even years ago when my best friend got a summer job before me... and also my parents want me to work at their job. okay good might get nepo babie'd, but uh, issue is! that place works like crazy fucking **12 hour shifts**. i already die at like 4 or less hours of something. what.

and fuck i am so grateful to my friends for supporting me during these times... offering their own help. i am so glad. i am so happy. i could not ask for better people. but... i wish this was more available to me in real life. i am rotting my fucking brain online only because the only support i get is here... everywhere else i am unwanted. and i was never taught to ask for help. if i ever wanted anything...or asked for help. it was denied or ignored... they always say you can tell me anything, if there's trouble tell me, but then you tell them and...

all you get called is "you're so sensitive" "oh boys will be boys" "oh come on get over it" "you have to try harder than that". and!! man. it is hard. its so hard. i just wanna lay down... for a whole year....do nothing. hibernate all that time. have zero life worries... everyone has these, but. i hate that life played the cards to make it this difficult for me... and. a lot of it is invisible.

i hide it. i mask it. or it didn't pop up until now... nobody will believe me if i tell them these issues i am facing. it's not enough to need help for them. "there's others who face more pain and issues in their life than you" "you don't seem like you need it". constantly stuck...in this. it does require actual speaking out, yes...but if your whole life, you ask for the smallest things, and it's not delivered upon...you just learn to stop asking. you know who to not ask and who to ask. it's horrible.

not to mention some issues i can get in actual danger with if it comes out. like i don't know. me being queer? that's one of the main things holding me back this much.

like. once i am done with this school. these finals. if i pass them. i am done. i have no plans after. i am sure i will... find something. it wont be easy. but... ill have to do it. sadly.

no plans at all. how am i supposed to be motivated to do even such a simple task as studying when i know in the end it may not even matter... i hate all of this so much. i wish i wasnt this way. i hate these things about myself. i love being a wacky little weirdo, but. i wish the world was easier to live in. i hate all of this shit. i hate that this world is built to be hard for someone like me. especially since it's not seen as hard enough to most... it ends up making me feel even worse. it's not fun.

i just wish it was all easier. i wish that at least today i could do the things i want. but i dont get to it. it sucks so bad. i have like zero energy left and i have to push through. i have to. or else i wont pass. that will cause more issues... it's. horrible. sigh. i'll....i'll stop now. at least i got all these thoughts out of my brain. i am repeating myself. nothing is there. despite my low energy, and me ALREADY pushing myself a lot, it's probably the most ideal time for me to do something. so. i guess i'll try. only because i have to. i hate this. i'm so scared of the future...

#vent

[ahundredtimesover]

Inevitable (01) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected sex but be safe please!)

Chapter Word count: 6.9k

Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

A/N: Couldn’t stop thinking about how Yang Jungwon’s role model is Jungkook and they have similar features (especially as kids) and the sweetest smiles! Hence, the little angel we have here. I hope you enjoy this first chapter! Also, you can message me if you want to be part of the taglist!

Series Masterlist || Previous || Next

##

You stare at the grocery list, eyes squinting to try to read the words you’d half-mindedly written down this morning. 

Your boss convinced you to take Friday off when it slipped that Jungwon has been having separation anxiety lately, as he hasn’t spent time with his mother this whole winter break. 

You’d been doing overtime - on weekdays and weekends - and your boss, a mother herself, knows that overworking would take its toll on you and your son, especially as a single parent. It’s why you’re here now, grocery shopping with the little one, something he enjoys doing with you, too.

Still, it’s just one day and it’s not really enough to compensate for all the other days you work your ass off at the company, but the pay is good and the people are kind; those have been enough for you to stay the past two years. 

A smile forms on your face once you decipher the crooked words on the piece of paper you’re holding up. You can make out the word ‘banana’ right before ‘milk,’ ‘choc’ somewhere near ‘ice cream,’ and ‘bron’ just next to ‘cereal.’ Brown cereal? Did he mean cocoa pops?

Jungwon has improved his writing and vocabulary and you pat yourself on the back for the times you’d forced yourself awake during your Sunday rest time just so you could guide him on his workbook. You congratulate yourself for thinking of showing him flash cards while he scrubs himself in the makeshift tub during bath time. And you thank the heavens for your best friend Taehyung’s bright idea of setting up a blackboard on the wall on Jungwon’s side of the bed so he can doodle until he falls asleep. 

“Am I not the best uncle, muffin?” Taehyung had asked the little one then, who always knew what to answer. 

“You and uncle Joonie are the best,” Jungwon had said. 

Your kid is a ball of fluff, you’d almost think it’s genetic because you definitely are not one, but the other half of him is. 

You brush away that thought before your chest begins to tighten. You choose to think that Tae and your older brother Namjoon, whom Jungwon spends the most time with apart from you, are true softies and he’d definitely gotten it from them. 

You’re still smiling, insides warming enough to brave through the January cold until you realize that you’re no longer hearing your son’s buzzing sound that he does when he plays with his airplane. For all his softness, he does give you a heart attack every once in a while because of his tendency to scurry somewhere that piques his interest. It was probably the aisle that had those chocolates he wanted so you pick up your basket and rush to the one right next to where you are.

Your heart drops to the floor at the sight of your son standing in front of a man who’s crouching down, tinkering with the toy. It probably disassembled again and this does not earn you a pat on the back this time for forgetting to buy Jungwon a new one that’s more age-appropriate, and for not paying enough attention. 

You’re partly shocked and partly curious - he’s a shy kid, tends to run back to you at the sight of an unfamiliar person, wide eyes usually on full display when someone tries to get his attention.

But not right now. He’s still wide-eyed but he’s sporting a shy smile, one he tries to suppress by biting his lower lip. Wonder where he got that from. Such mannerisms aren’t genetic too, right?

The mystery man hands him the toy airplane, which Jungown clutches to his chest. He bows at the man and whispers a ‘thank you.’ If that man wanted to do something bad, he would’ve taken Jungwon already but he hasn’t. You’re glad that at least a kind man has found your son. 

“Jungwon, sweetie. Come here, please,” you call out, moving a bit to try to get the man’s attention to express your thanks but he’s sporting a hoodie that’s engulfing his face. Maybe you should’ve been more scared. 

The stranger shakily stands up and turns as Jungown runs to you with his eyes not leaving his little toy. 

Your eyes, on the other hand, can’t leave the figure standing just a few feet away from you, like a bad dream but that isn’t exactly a nightmare. 

He’s here. He’s home. And he looks just as gorgeous as you remember - expressive onyx eyes, pretty thin lips, defined jawline, muscular build...

His own eyes move from you to the kid next to you, trying to come up with explanations, mind reeling at what this could mean. You sounded so tender, so loving, so… motherly.

“Jung—”

“Your—”

You both say at the same time. His eyes are fixated on Jungwon, probably trying to figure out who the child is to you.

“I’m babysitting,” you panic. 

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow and just as he’s about to open his mouth to say something, Jungwon decides to not be shy in front of a supposed stranger.

“Mama, that man fixed my plane!” He excitedly says, and you hate to crush his little moment of joy. 

Jungkook’s eyes are now saucer-like, not at all minding that you were caught in a lie but that you, the woman who’d broken his heart all those years ago, have a child. A child whose eyes uncannily and painfully resemble his. 

You and Jungkook both seem to be in a daze, your own thoughts swirling in your heads at the situation that neither expected would happen. 

You stopped watching his baseball games about two years ago and had avoided whatever news about him would come up. Except recently when you’d heard about him possibly signing with a South Korean baseball team. Looks like did because he’s here, and he hasn’t been in years. 

You’d heard from your brother that Jungkook had been doing well with the LA Dodgers and you hadn’t expected that he’d up and leave what had been his home the past four or so years to, well, come home. You’re glad he is but you also aren’t prepared for this.

Jungkook, on the other hand, had tried his best to forget about you soon after you walked out on him that December evening, almost succeeding multiple times until he gave up altogether. He came home last week, earlier than what he’d told the media, since he knew they’d be hampering him about his homecoming, given his recent signing with the Doosan Bears, one of Seoul’s professional baseball teams. 

He’d spent the past few days in Busan to visit his mother and arrived from his 4-hour drive just an hour ago. He’d hoped to reach out or run into you but didn’t expect it to actually happen today. He definitely didn’t expect you’d have a son, too.

“Mama, did you get my banana milk?” Jungwon asks, breaking the bubble of confusion and shock between you and Jungkook, both unbelieving at the reality of you finally being in the same space, breathing the same air after so long. 

“Yeah, I—” you start, placing the basket down and picking up your son, suddenly feeling nauseous. 

Your mind is a puddle of thoughts and you just know that incoherent words will escape your mouth if you don’t leave right now so you make a run for it, or at least try. You walk briskly, clutching Jungwon tightly with his arms wrapped around your neck, so you don’t see him smiling at the man following both of you. 

Jungkook calls out your name, prompting Jungwon to state that the man who’d fixed his plane knows his mother. 

There are more people with their pushcarts near the exit, making it hard for your quick escape. Jungkook is catching up and upon realizing you won’t turn back to acknowledge him, he talks to Jungwon instead.

“How old are you, buddy?” Jungkook asks, legs clearly made for this. He’s panting though, you can hear it in his voice. 

You can’t make a scene so you just try to walk faster.

You feel Jungwon release an arm and you know he’s putting out the ‘four’ sign, something he likes to do. 

“When is your birthday?” Jungkook asks shortly after.

Oh god, you think. Jungwon loves this question. “July 6!” He exclaims. 

The footsteps become faint and you’re brave enough to turn back as you near the exit doors. Jungkook stands there, dots connecting, mouth agape at what this means. 

You leave the supermarket and run to your car, hurriedly placing Jungwon on the car seat and driving away, willing the tears not to fall. 

“Who was that, Mama?” He innocently asks. 

You admit that you’d thought about the day you’d see Jungkook and let him know about the little one too many times, but this isn’t how you planned it to happen - in public, when you’re incredibly tired, and when you haven’t thought about what you’d say. 

This isn’t how you planned on telling Jungwon, too, so you tell a half-truth, like what you’d done a few times before.

“He’s a friend, sweetcheeks. He’s just a friend.”

**

The tears eventually fall about 5 hours later. 

You got home from the grocery - without your groceries, watched cartoons with Jungwon, had food delivered, then prepared him for bed. 

You’re now sat on your couch, wine glass in hand, as you try to make sense of the overwhelming emotions of seeing the man that was once your world. Technically, Jungkook still is, considering that your son is half of him. 

But it’s different now. Too much has changed since you broke up with him, since he left 5 years ago to chase his dreams of playing for the Major League Baseball in the US, the dream he’d shared with his father, the dream he’d spent his whole life chasing.

Baseball had always been Jungkook’s world; a given, you always thought, since his own father was a baseball star himself, whose dream of playing for the MLB materialized during a trip to Boston as a teenager, the blinding lights and massiveness of Fenway Park and the roars of the crowd cheering for the Red Sox so alluring that he’d made it a point to watch a live game at least once a year. 

His own career as a professional player for the South Korean league had been commendable, leading his teams to championships and even playing for the 1996 Olympics. That had been the second best experience of his life, the first being Jungkook’s birth two years prior. Marrying his wife was a close third, and it was something the pair always laughed about. You know this because Jungkook raved about his parents a lot, used to talk about them like he just lived next door to his mother - whom he called everyday, like his father was still alive.

His father didn’t have the luxury of getting scouted by American teams because baseball wasn’t as big then, but his dream of playing for the MLB never faded. Just like what his own father had done, he’d taken Jungkook to a live game every year since Jungkook was six, and tried to watch in every baseball park of every major league team. 

They’d only make it to seven though. By that time, the cancer had been debilitating and he had to give up that annual date with his only child. Watching the Lotte Giants in their hometown of Busan had been enough for 13-year old Jungkook, who’d likewise been fascinated by the game, so was waking up in the wee hours of the morning to still catch MLB games on TV. 

Jungkook was 14 when his old man passed. 

He rarely talked about his father’s death. He also rarely talked about his father outside of baseball. He was a father-coach, Jungkook used to say, not the scary, stage father type who pressured him but the incredibly supportive, only slightly critical one. He’d made Jungkook fall in love with baseball, made him have a reason to wake up everyday, made him have something work hard for, fight for. 

After he passed, baseball became something Jungkook hung onto, something he used to remind him of the man that made him who he is today. It became the most sacred part of himself, not for the popularity it gained him nor the praises he received, but because it showed the best parts of him, which were also the best parts of his father - his self-confidence, his tenacity, his grit, and his resolve, his passion for his craft.

Baseball taught Jungkook the value of hard work, of commitment, of focus, while at the same time reminding him of his physical capabilities and limitations. 

It’s why he took his Sports Science course seriously, knowing that until his last breath, he would live for the sport. He’d play until he’s physically able, and do everything else when he can’t. 

Jungkook had always been a good leader - another trait he got from his father, served as the pillar of strength of every team he’d been a part of because of his vulnerability that allowed others to trust him, to believe him.

His self-confidence may border on arrogance, his forcefulness and intensity may be perceived as aggression, but behind his intimidating aura on the field - partly personality, partly physical prowess - is a tender human being who gets excited over sweets, gushes over Ironman merchandise, likes making blanket forts, squeals over baby animals, enjoys bear hugs, and who just loves to love. 

Those were what made you fall for him in the first place. They were what made your naturally cold exterior dissolve until your heart had become bare for him, until your insecurities had become insignificant, until you’d exuded almost the same joy that he had. 

Seeing him today just brought the memories back, as if nothing has changed with what you felt for him, as if the pain you felt when you told him it was over, when you walked out and he let you, was just a breath away. 

You didn’t realize just how much you missed him until you saw him again, until his proximity reminded you how his laugh used to sound, how his wide eyes and sweet smile looked like, how his sensual touches used to feel.

The tears fall again. That pain, that love - it’s like they never went away. 

**

“Uncle Tete!” Jungwon squeals as your best friend picks up your son from the floor, swinging him around in a circle, soft laughter reverberating through the walls of your cozy apartment. It only takes a few rounds before Taehyung puts him down and complains that his arms already hurt. 

“What happened to working on arm exercises?” You chuckle.

“Don’t remind me, you know I hate lifting weights. Plus, like that would make much of a difference,” he exclaims, slim arms out, being swallowed by his sweater. “I’m not an athlete, you know?”

You flinch at the comment and so does he.

“Sorry, too soon?”

“Yes,” you say, rolling your eyes and settling in the kitchen, a bit farther away from Jungwon, whose eyes are now fixated on the TV.

“Hey, I wouldn’t have known Jungkook was back if he hadn’t decided to revive our group chat yesterday after 2 years to ask everyone if they’ve seen you recently because you apparently have a kid and he believes he’s the father.”

“Pretty straightforward, huh?”

“He didn’t wanna waste time. Didn’t even care that your brother is in the same group,” Taehyung shrugs. 

“Probably knows Namjoon won’t check.”

“True. But still, how bold of your ex.”

“What did the guys say?” You ask, curious if they ever caught on. Your twice a year appearance since college graduation seemed to be enough for them.

“Yoongi cursed. Jin spammed with theories because he’s convinced you haven’t had a boyfriend in years. Hoseok sent a video message of his reaction, which was really just him freaking out. Jimin acted surprised.”

“And you?”

“I left the group chat.”

You smack his arm, earning you a scowl. “Real smooth, Kim Taehyung.”

“Well, what was I gonna say? ‘Yeah, Jungkook. Your ex-girlfriend was actually pregnant when she broke up with you and you’re totally the father?’”

“You could’ve feigned ignorance, you know, or like denied it until I figured out what to say.”

“___,” he deadpans. “One look at Jungwon and it screams Jungkook. His name isn’t actually subtle, okay? Look at your kid, he even dresses up and eats like the father he’s never met!” 

You motion for him to tone it down but Jungwon is busy watching the Avengers cartoons in his Ironman pajamas while sipping his banana milk. 

“I’m not projecting!” You say, defending yourself because you know that’s what Taehyung is gonna say. 

“It’s not my fault that my kid chose Ironman as his favorite Avenger no matter how many times I pushed Captain America to his face, okay? He didn’t even mind the shield I bought,” you pout. 

“And he won’t drink plain milk. If it’s not banana, it’s chocolate. And he loves sweets, loves to hug people, has the cutest laugh…” You sigh, still racking your brain on what parts of your son he got from you.

“Maybe the universe is the one projecting, you know? Like it just had to find a way for Jungwon to be connected to Jungkook, if not physically then by other ways.”

“Your theory is sweet but I doubt it, Tae.”

“My theory is backed by evidence. And a father’s instinct because that shit’s real. Jungkook was still around during those first two months, the bond probably developed then.”

“Jungwon was the size of a raspberry. It’s highly unlikely.”

“Can you just stop deflecting? The father of your son is here. What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know! Get my shit together and figure out what to say? You know I’m not ready for this,” you exclaim.

“Funny that you knew exactly what to say when you broke up with him but now you don’t,” Taehyung cocks an eyebrow.

“Are you my best friend or are you out to get me?”

“I’m just saying. You made that decision all on your own. Didn’t even confide in me,” he pouts. “I could’ve thrown some other options that didn’t require you breaking his heart and yours too, and going through all this by yourself.”

“Except I didn’t go through all this by myself,” you pat his head. “I had you and Namjoon. You were all I needed. Still do.”

“We can never take the place of Jungwon’s father, you know that right?” 

“I know, I just… He’s not just my kid’s father, Tae. He’s my ex-boyfriend too. The man I loved.”

“You mean love. The man you still think about, and miss terribly.”

You squint at him as if in question. It’s been years since you and Taehyung had shared an apartment where he’d seen you cry almost everyday. It was something he wasn’t used to because you don’t cry, especially in front of others, not when you found out you were pregnant, not when you walked into Jungkook’s apartment only to walk out of his life. Not when Jungkook skipped graduation and left early for the US. 

Everything changed after Jungwon’s birth. It’s like all the tears you never cried decided it was time. And you had years’ worth of it.

“Your kid’s a lot more perceptive than you think. He tells me sometimes that he sees you cry when you’re in bed or when you’re watching TV with him, and why else would you be crying if it wasn’t for that man?”

Of course he does. Jungwon, again just like his father, is thoughtful and pays you a lot of attention. Seriously, what about you did this kid inherit?

“The dam breaks every once in a while, I can’t help it.”

“Now you can,” Taehyung says as he gives you a hug. “You should talk to him. And soon. You know he deserves it.”

**

Jungkook stares at the ceiling, unwilling to move from the comforts of his bed. Head throbbing from the bottles of SoJu he downed with his older cousin, Jin, last night, the events of the day before are mighty clear in his mind.

He’d really seen you, the woman who once laid residence in his mind and his heart that he could not get rid of no matter how hard he tried, because you’d broken every possible thing you could when you decided to break up all those years ago. 

He remembers that night so clearly, how he’d been excited to finally spend time with you so he could ask you to go with him to the US. You chose to break his heart instead, deciding by yourself that it wouldn’t work out. The only reason he agreed was because he’d been too hurt to even think of another way, but whether he agreed or not, he knew you would’ve walked out of his life regardless.

But there you were yesterday, dressed in your favorite-colored down jacket, hair longer than he remembers, little kid in tow calling you Mama.

Mama. 

He’d just gotten back in Seoul after a visit to his mother. He’d made sure to be sneaky, as he wanted some peace and quiet before all the interviews and events he’ll need to attend because of this “homecoming” that everybody seemed to be making a big deal out of. 

He was doing well with the LA Dodgers, even had meetings and possible offers with the Boston Red Sox, the team his father obsessed over. Jungkook was well on his way for bigger things in the largest baseball league in the world. 

He  decided to sign with the Doosan Bears instead, not even his hometown baseball team. He’ll chalk it up to missing home, maybe breaking ground so he can play in the Olympics, too, just like his father. 

He was gonna seek you out, that was definitely part of the plan. He still considers the breakup as partly one-sided and he wanted to know how you were doing. He also knew he was bound to run into you because there was no escaping your circle of friends, who apparently seemed clueless as well. 

Except for Taehyung, obviously, because he’s your best friend and he definitely would’ve known. But you’re here in Seoul, how did you dodge the rest of them? And Namjoon had really been able to keep everything a secret?

There were so many questions. Jin took it upon himself to be his confidante last night because surprisingly, Jimin, his best friend, had been mum about it. Jungkook and Jin spent the rest of last night scouring through social media for any trace of you and that kid but there had been none. 

Jungkook is desperate, not just because he wants to see you but the child… looked like him. 

The grocery was a few neighborhoods away from his,  but it was next to the bank he was in so he decided to just do his shopping then. He’d been going through the sweets aisle, ready to fill the pantry of his new apartment with his favorite snacks, then he heard a thump and a soft quivering voice. 

He turned to see a little boy looking sad over his toy airplane whose one wing had been clipped off. An adult didn’t seem to be around and he definitely trusts himself more than any other stranger so he’d approached the kid and asked if he needed help.

Curious doe-eyes met his questioning gaze, until the little kid took the airplane and its broken wing in his arms and cradled them. 

“It’s hurt,” the kid had said, and he felt his heart burst at the cuteness and softness of this child. Jungkook took the toy and easily fixed it, the sliding slot probably too hard for his little hands to maneuver. He was about to ask for the kid’s name when he heard a familiar voice call out, the kid looking up and scurrying away from him.

And then there was you. 

Everything felt hazy until the kid called you his Mama. You’d picked him up and started walking away before Jungkook could even greet you. He’d seen your abandoned grocery basket, which he could easily pass up as his own because of the same things he’d buy for himself. 

The wheels were turning in his head and it wasn’t until the kid, apparently named Jungwon, stated his age that Jungkook pieced everything together. Or at least the possibility.

Could Jungwon be his child?

At the thought of this, Jungkook froze, watched your figure disappear from his sight, the eyes of the child boring into him as you walked away again. The kid let out a small smile and Jungkook had seen enough pictures of himself as a little kid in the news the past few weeks to be reminded of how he looked like, and he looked like that. It was unmistakable. 

The scene plays in his head again and Jungkook feels the throbbing of his chest match the throbbing of his head, the need to confirm his suspicions and know the whole truth seeping through his veins. He tries to calm himself down, which is difficult, but he knows he needs a level-head if the truth is what he wants from you. 

It’s just past lunchtime and he calls Jimin for help. As he enters the passenger seat, Jimin asks his friend for the destination.

“Take me to Taehyung’s place.”

**

Jungkook is running on adrenaline. With a sober mind now and a still-aching chest, he’s willing his body to relax but he’s unable, focused only on finding the truth.

There’s concern and an air of acceptance in Taehyung’s face when he opens the door to Jungkook, the idea of him showing up here having something that Taehyung has considered. Jungkook has at least half a mind to reach out to someone else before going to you. 

Taehyung welcomes him in, knowing better not to argue or match the other man’s emotions. Jungkook doesn’t ask questions though and instead heads for the refrigerator, bites his lips at the sight of the same brand of banana milk he’d seen in your grocery basket. 

He walks around the apartment, not missing the small basket of toys by the window. He opens a room that’s actually Taehyung’s art room and sees a paint set for kids, a framed photo of him with Jungwon placed on a shelf and next to it is a painting, the words “Jeon Jungwon” written at the bottom. It’s all the confirmation that he needs.

“Find what you’re looking for?” Taehyung asks, arms on his waist now, a bit of annoyance seeping through at the disrespect being shown to him. He gets that Jungkook is upset, but Taehyung knows him, knows he’s probably coming up with his own conclusions in his mind. 

Before Jungkook could say anything, they hear the front door open, Namjoon’s deep voice calling out. 

“Tae, did you get to drop off the groceries at ___’s? Jungwon’s been asking for his milk since yesterday and—” Namjoon stops as he stands by the door, eyes wide at Jungkook standing there, no doubt trying to keep himself together.

“Are you Jungwon’s father now?” He directs the question to Taehyung, the bitterness in Jungkook’s voice not lost on all the men present, including Jimin who’d been having his own battle in his mind because pretty soon, the anger will be directed at him, too. 

Jungkook is the kid’s father, he’s sure of it now, yet the thought of another man taking that role causes an ache in his chest.

“Jungwon sleeps here? Does art with you? Does he call you—”

“He calls Tae ‘uncle,’ Jungkook. The same thing he calls me,” Jimin says, essentially coming out.

“You knew? This whole time?” Jungkook yells, fists clenched as the anger builds.

“Just a few years ago but—”

“And you said nothing to me?”

“It was just 2 years ago.”

“And you’ve visited me twice a year since then and you never thought to tell me that I have a son…” Jungkook flinches at the word, unbelieving that it’s something he’d even say. 

“Look, just calm down, okay?” Jimin tries, but he knows it won’t do much.

“Calm down? I’m fucking livid. I have a…” Jungkook stops himself, willing the tears not to fall. All this time, you had a child that you’d kept from him, without a care of how he would feel.

“Jungkook, just take a breath, yeah?” Namjoon says this time, walking towards the younger man and pulls him in for a hug. “It’s a lot, I know. But just breathe for a bit.”

Jungkook pulls away, a mix of anger and sadness in his eyes. “How could she keep this from me?”

“Only she can answer that,” Namjoon sighs. 

“I need to see her,” Jungkook states after a long pause.

“I can ask when she’s free—” Taehyung offers, ready to get his phone.

“I need to see her now.”

**

Jungkook finds himself in Jimin’s car, with Taehyung in the backseat talking to you over the phone, saying that he’ll take Jungwon for the rest of the afternoon and that they’re on their way. 

Jungkook listens to Taehyung talk to you with so much care, the way he always had all those years ago. Nothing has changed, really. 

Back in college, people tried to keep their distance from you, afraid of your resting bitch face and usually cold demeanor. Jungkook had heard about you from Jin, a good friend of your brother’s, and couldn’t quite reconcile the incredibly friendly and gentle Taehyung as your best friend. 

It was one of the things that intrigued Jungkook, and he’d find out later on, after pulling all the stops with his flirting and finally getting you to agree on a coffee date, that you really did have a bitch face and you were cold if you wanted to be. 

But you were so unapologetically you that it was refreshing. It wasn’t a defense mechanism or anything, it was just really who you were, but that wasn’t everything about you - you were also caring, protective, generous, extremely hardworking, and very confident. 

Jungkook had fallen in love faster than he could throw a baseball, and he knows he can throw past 90/mph. 

You complemented each other so beautifully that fights were easily resolved, if any, dates were always exciting, and moments together were never boring, even if it was just you quietly working on a paper and him noisily studying his games. 

Taehyung was relentless in befriending you and you caved in pretty easily. “Look at the smile,” you’d said once. “Who can resist that?” You always had a soft spot for your best friend and Jungkook never minded; he’d trusted your relationship and you when you said that he never had to worry about Taehyung.

Except now. Because Taehyung seems to be a father figure to his son, being what Jungwon had needed all these years, while Jungkook had been clueless about it. 

The night you broke up with him, you left him a weeping mess and begging behind closed doors to please don’t go. He felt he’d lost a big part of him, felt the soul-crushing feeling of losing someone again. 

The loss of you was something he couldn’t prepare for and he’d spent years trying to put the pieces again, all on his own, in a foreign country, while chasing his dream. It had been hard but after some time, he rationalized in his mind that maybe you were right, maybe it would’ve been very hard for the both of you given the distance, the time difference, the busy schedules. It wouldn’t have been fair; he’d accepted that.

But keeping his child from him like this? This is too much. This is ruthless. You made a decision again. All by yourself. And he’s angry.

**

Everyone is thankful that Jungwon is asleep, although it’s a chance for Jungkook to see the little one in slumber, looking like the most adorable boy in the world. 

Jimin and Taehyung agree to leave first, Jungkook not wanting them to wait, although he’s unsure how long this conversation with you is going to last. 

You’ve been pacing back and forth since Taehyung called, informing you of the impromptu visit and Jungkook being unrelenting in his decision to speak with you today. You would’ve wanted to wait, although you know that Tae is right - Jungkook needs to know as soon as possible; he deserves that much. 

In your more than 2 years together, you barely saw Jungkook angry - that was more of your thing because he enjoyed annoying the hell out of you every time and you always gave him shit for it. 

But you two barely fought - you understood his busy schedule and were never really the jealous type, despite the presence of his “fans” (except maybe around Sora who’d named herself as the president of Jungkook’s fan club like that shit still flies), while Jungkook always knew how to make it up to you. He rarely complained, too if you ditched him to work on your projects. 

But this Jungkook is different - his nostrils are flaring, brows are furrowed, jaws are clenched you’re afraid he’d break his teeth. 

You’re different, too. You’re nervous, more reserved, not with your usual crossed arms but with fingers fidgeting at the loss of control. 

You lead him in the living room and motion for him to sit down but he dismisses you. 

“Hi, Jung—”

“I need to hear it from you,” he breathes out. “I know, god, I fucking know but I need to hear it from you.”

You take a deep breath and you say the words you’ve practiced in your head. “Jungwon is our son.” 

You see him close his eyes, bite his lips, and tilt his head. It’s how you know he’s trying to control his emotions.

The silence is deafening but you give him time to process.

“How? I mean, you were on birth control and you said you never missed…” He stammers.

“Pills are not 100%, Jungkook. It just happened,” you explain, racking your brain for days right after you took the test over how it might’ve happened. At one point you stopped; it was no use.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

It’s the big question, the one he’s been losing his mind over. It doesn’t matter that it happened; he just doesn’t know how you could make that big of a decision all on your own when it concerned him, the other half of the child.

“You were on your way to the big leagues. I couldn’t take that away from you.”

“But you thought it was alright to take away years with my son?” He seethes. “Fuck, ___. That wasn’t your decision to make.”

It wasn’t, not fully at least, you knew it. But he wouldn’t make that decision, so you had to.

“I made it anyway,” you respond, tone more stern now. 

With all the pain and struggles it brought, it’s the one thing you stand by; it’s a decision you never regretted. Watching Jungkook play in the ballparks his dad never got to take him to, seeing him blow a kiss to the sky before and after every game, and catching him mouth the words ‘I love you, dad’ after his interviews have always been enough to trump everything else.

Jungkook had been living his and his father’s dream. It had always felt worth it.

“Why? I would’ve stayed,” Jungkook yells. 

“Exactly. You would’ve,” you yell back. “I was sure that the moment you knew, you would’ve passed up a dream you worked your whole life for. I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t let you make that decision.”

“So you made it for me, by giving me none at all?” He scoffs. “Real brave, ___. And real fucked up, too.”

“It was the only way for you to go!” You exclaim. “If you had known, you wouldn’t have left, you would’ve settled, stayed behind… You would’ve given everything up.”

“Because that’s our child, ___!”

“And we didn’t plan on having him!” You shout, tears prickling on the corners of your eyes now. 

“You’ve known baseball your whole life, Jungkook. Everything you’ve ever done was so you could play in the MLB and you did. You made it happen because you had the best opportunity and you took it, worked hard, got to where you wanted to be,” you rationalize.

He’s panting as he processes your words, mind going again to that night when you walked out on him, making sense of the reasons why, those you verbalized and those you didn’t. 

“I know you, Jungkook,” you sigh, your voice taking him back to the present. “You’d take responsibility because that’s the kind of man you are. You would’ve insisted on taking care of us, on letting go of everything else for us, for your son. And I couldn’t let you give up on your dream, the one thing left of your father…”

“Don’t you fucking dare bring up my father,” he snaps at you, eyes so cold and you feel so small.

“You wouldn’t have forgiven yourself if you let that dream go for us.”

“Then you don’t really know me, ___. Because the hell would I give us up just like that. The hell would I give up time away from my son.” 

He pulls his hair out of frustration, then lets go, tears now streaming down his face. 

“I was 14 when I lost my dad, ___.”

“I know, and I’m sorry—”

“No, you don’t know. And you aren’t sorry,” he retorts, his back facing you as he tries to get himself together. “I had to watch him wither away, had to stay by his bedside and watch him take his final breath because my mother couldn’t. I was 14 and I had to be strong for my parents. And I cried, every single night, for months,” he heaves. 

He turns to face you, wants you to know how much you’ve hurt him.

“I almost quit school because I wouldn’t get out of my bed, wouldn’t talk to anyone. I told you I suffered, that I lost my way,” he continues, weeping. 

But you didn’t know this, didn’t know he suffered like this, that he lost his way like this.

“But the dream kept you going, didn’t it?” You try. “It gave you purpose; you had something to live for, Jungkook,” you continue, reminding him of what the dream meant to him. 

He’d been young but he had so many memories with his father about baseball; it had been the core of their relationship, the thread that kept them connected years after his death. 

“In return for what?” He barks. “Fuck, I would’ve given anything to have my father again. And that includes that dream, ___.” 

You stare at him, his body now crouching down on the couch, unable to fully lift himself up. You’d never seen him like this. He was never afraid to cry but this is different.

Your own tears are relentless, as if telling you that this is all because of you and you deserve this pain. You had broken this man, and you’d done so without regret.

He looks up at you, wipes his tear-drenched face, illuminating the pain, the longing, the anger.

“You took four years of my life away from my son. You robbed me of that chance. You didn’t even give me a choice. How fucking selfish are you? You had no right, ___,” he huffs.

“I just… I know you, Jungkook. You would’ve stayed and then what?” You say, trying to stand your ground, but even you don’t believe your words, at least not anymore. 

“You’ll regret it down the road? Resent us because you had to stay? How would we feel? How would Jungwon feel, knowing that his father gave up his dream for him?”

“Really? You’re absolutely sure that’s what would happen? As if I’m not resenting you now?” Jungkook scoffs. 

“You don’t know what it’s like to have someone be taken from you, to not have enough time with them. But yeah, you need to have the last say always, right?” He says coldly, allowing the silence to let you take in his bitter words.

“You can’t ever feel like you don’t have control so you make all the decisions by yourself. Hurting those in your wake before they hurt you. But it’s all good right because you stand by it? As long as it’s enough to rid you of the guilt even if it hurts everyone else?”

This is how he hurts you - peeling away your layers and throwing them back at you, until there’s nothing left but all the parts you didn’t want anyone to see. But Jungkook had seen them, accepted them, loved you despite them. 

But he’s standing in front of you. And there’s no love in his eyes. You don’t think you deserve it anymore. 

You give him this, the last say. And he takes it. And he leaves. 

Like countless times before, you fall to the floor and cry. You cry until your sounds are loud enough, until you can no longer hear your own heart breaking.

##

Taglist: @fluffyjoons @jwlmnbt @koremis @mrcleanheichou @kooafraid @purplepommy @btstannies @jeonwiixard @songshin @joondala @hobiade @di0rgguk @fan-ati--c @yn-the-reader @spicybangtanwings @njkbangtan @jeoncookie-bts @miniaturecloud @revehosh @preciouschimine @sherlynxx @dimreads 

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#jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfiction #parents au #exes au #baseball player jk #inevitable #series

[xoxo-teddybear]

What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Physical injuries, cursing

Summary: An argument gone out of hand. Y/N just wanted Katsuki to be home more. They’re married and yet she barely sees him throughout the week. When she finally speaks on her hurt feelings, she gets a reaction she definitely wasn’t expecting.

Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2

A/N:.....I cried while writing this.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

‘He’s gone already. Again. Like always.’

Y/N had awoken to another empty bed. Her husband’s side of the mattress remained cold and empty. This wasn’t anything new. It’s been like this for the past few months. She would wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, spend her day alone, eat dinner alone, and go back to sleep at the end of the day...alone.

It’s not that Katsuki is intentionally ignoring Y/N. He loves her with his everything, he truly does! But villains never rest and neither does he. He’s so preoccupied with hero work that when he does get a day off, his friends drag him away to a bar or game night. Y/N always ran through his head but she had always been so understanding. And besides, she knows how busy the life of a pro is. She used to be one so she gets it. Right?

Wrong. She doesn’t get it. Because even when she was a pro, her and Katsuki always found time for each other. And ever since said man made her quit, claiming he could take care of both of them easily and he would feel better knowing his beloved is safe at home, they’ve seen each other less and less. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Y/N was willing to quit her dream because she found a new dream in Katsuki. She always imagined that being his little housewife would give them more time together but the opposite of that came true. Now she sits in the big empty house with no company for hours on end.

Her sadness builds up every day. She misses her husband. She tries to be an understanding wife but at this point, it’s like he’s not even trying to make an effort to see her. It’s like he’s settled to just coming home to her sleeping form and waking up to her in the exact same state, leaving before he can witness her do anything else. He should understand her though, no? I mean, she had brought it up to him in a very casual way and so he never took it seriously, but she’s mentioned it before. He should have a pretty vivid image of how shes been feeling. Right?

After 6 months of loneliness and being ‘Katsuki-deprived,’ Y/N made her move to speak to her husband about her feelings. She already imagined the outcome. An argument due to Katsuki’s brash behavior and her ‘never back down’ attitude, sad times bringing in the silent treatment for the two of you up until the both of you give in and forgive each other due to the love you have. Finally ending in a compromise. Y/N released a heavy breath as she looked at the time.

1:36 a.m. Just a few more minutes until Katsuki’s home.

—

He was pissed. 3 large scale bank robberies, 10 villain-wannabe fights, an argument with his publicist about his ‘out of line attitude,’ and Deku replacing him on a random ass billboard. The last detail wouldn’t have mattered if it was anybody else but the fact that it was Deku had him riled up. He just wanted to go home to a quiet house with his beautiful wife and admire her gorgeous, slumbering state. However that was not what he was greeted with.

Katsuki grumbled as he unlocked the front door and walked in. He noticed the lights were still on and saw Y/N still awake, seated on the couch. On any other day, he’d be elated to see his wife was still up. They’d talk and cuddle and go to sleep together. If he was lucky, they’d both make love until the sun rose. But tonight, that wouldn’t be happening. He wanted a quiet house with his sleeping wife. Not..whatever was about to happen. He sighed as he dropped his bag at the front door and sloppily placed his keys in the glass bowl near the door.

“What’re you doing up dumbass?” He asked as he walked to the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He needed a drink.

“I was waiting for you, Katsuki. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” you said in a soft voice, hoping it would suppress his for sure incoming anger. Katsuki closed the fridge with a kick to the heavy door and chugged down a quarter of his drink.

“I’m not in the mood. Had a shitty day and I wanna sleep. Just go to bed.” He said sternly while trying to finish his beer as fast as he could.

“Don’t you think I would’ve done that hours ago? I wouldn’t have stayed up and waited for you if this wasn’t important. Please Katsuki, I really wanna talk.” Bakugou was beginning to grow annoyed. Why wouldn’t you just drop it already? He squeezed his bottle hard enough for it too crack before he spoke with a louder voice.

“Y/N! You’re not listening! I’m tired. I had a horrible day and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to stay up anymore, and I don’t want to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to complain and bitch about like you always do!” He screamed. His words made your jaw drop.

“Not listening?! That’s all I do! All I do is listen to your every command so that you come home happy-“

“Well it looks like you failed today!” He said, cutting you off.

“Quit interrupting! And what was it that you said?! All I do is bitch and complain?! I’m trying to talk to you about something serious here Katsuki!” You pleaded, still hoping he would give in and listen. And he did...just not in the way you’d expect.

“Fine then! If this’ll get you to quit being an annoying ass waste of time, then speak! Talk! What the hell do you want?!” He asked, screaming at you, furious at all the dramatics you’ve brought up in one night.

His words kind of stung. ‘Annoying ass? Waste of time? Is this what he thinks I am?’ You grew silent at his insults and Katsuki seethed even more.

“Oh what? I scream at you and you bitch up? Toughen up Y/N, jeez. Quit acting like a baby! Tell me what you wanted to say!” He yelled.

“.......I just....I just wanted you to spend some time with me. .....Be home more.” You said in a quiet and broken voice. You looked down to the now very interesting floor as you played with your hands.

“Seriously? This shit again? I’m a pro-hero, Y/N! I’m busy! I’m not gonna drop saving lives just because your brat ass wants someone to notice you! Since when were you such an attention whore?” He asked while rolling his neck to relieve his strained muscles. Your eyes widen at the ground due to his words and your head snapped back up to face him.

“A-attention whore? I-...I just want my husband to stop working so much. I don’t know..maybe have a day off or two!” She said with a crinkled nose as you screamed.

“I do have days off, Moron. It’s why I’m not overworked, ever thought about that?!” He screamed back.

“And you spend those days off away from me! I’m not trying to act like the world revolves around me but I would hope my own husband would spend a day with me instead of his friends that he ALWAYS sees because you ALL WORK TOGETHER!” You argued. You made a valid point and even Katsuki knew that, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. He was still tired but he had enough energy to put you back in your place. His eyes popped as a vein grew on his neck.

“Well- WELL YOU’RE ONCE AGAIN JUST BITCHING AND COMPLAINING LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET!” He screamed.

“Don’t understand?! You know what? I know you don’t because you never listen to-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WASNT DONE TALKING! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND THE HOUSE, LAZING AROUND, DOING NOTHING BUT TRY TO ARGUE WITH-“

“LAZING AROUND?!” You shouted in disbelief. “WHO MAKES YOUR MEAL PREP THE NIGHT BEFORE SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT AT WORK AND IN THE MORNING? WHO CLEANS THE ENTIRE HOUSE EVERYDAY WHILE YOU’RE GONE? WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A FULL FRIDGE, CLEAN HOUSE, GOOD FOOD, AND A HAPPY LIFE? ME KATSUKI! ME!”

“Happy life? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU BITCH?! NEWSFLASH, IM NOT! SO CONGRATS Y/N! YOU FAILED ONCE AGAIN! AND WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOU PLAY MAID WHILE IM AWAY?! IM BUSY SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE A GOOD WIFE SINCE YOU CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING PRO ANYMORE!” He insulted again.

“because of FUCKING YOU!” You argued once more.

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” He said while throwing his bottle to the wall, causing it to shatter. “I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS! I PAY THE BILLS! I BRING HOME THE CASH! I GIVE YOU THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THE FUCKING FOOD, CLOTHES, AND ANY OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU WANT! AND ON TOP OF THAT, I STUFF YOUR STUPID CUNT TO PLEASURE YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS. AT THIS POINT, YOU’RE JUST A WALKING HOLE FOR ME TO USE!”

His words hurt. They broke your heart. Did he really feel this way? If so, why was he even with you anymore. You notice a smirk grow on his face at your bewildered state. He looked as if he just won something. However, the smirk dropped into a scowl once he saw your eyes begin to pool with tears.

“Oh great! Cry! Go ahead! Just shed your fucking tears like you always do! I’m going to bed! Come join me when you’re done being an annoying bitch.” He said and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to walk away. You didn’t want the conversation to go this way and there was no conclusion. You needed this to be resolved now. You just wanted your husband back. You reached out to stop him from walking but the unforeseen happened.

“Katsuki..don’t walk away from thi-“

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He said and smacked your arms away with a burning palm. Without realizing, Katsuki began to spark his quirk and so when he went in to push you away, he burned your forearm.

A loud blast and smoke filled the room and your screams of pain invaded his ears. The sound made a shocked face grow on him as he quickly turned to see the damaged he had caused. His heart sank as he saw you crying while holding your burnt arm with your other hand. You were slightly hunched over in pain as you took notice of the damage that had been caused. That he caused.

“Y/N!” Bakugou softly shouted as he ran to you. He wanted to help but before he could even lay a finger on you, you flinched. The action caused him to hesitate and hold himself back. He ran to the kitchen sink to get a cold rag and he brought it back to you. “Baby! I am so sor-“

You pushed him away and off of you as you quickly walked to your bedroom with a shadow casted over your eyes. Tears still flowed down your cheeks as sniffles could be heard from your cherry red nose. Katsuki couldn’t believe what he just did and ran to follow you.

“Y/N! Please listen! I didn’t mean it! I don’t know how that happened Teddy Bear but I swear I didn’t mean it! I swear I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I said! I’m sor-“

*SLAM* *click!*

Katsuki realized he followed you out the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs, and to the entrance of the master bedroom you both shared before you slammed the door and locked it right in his face.

“Baby! Please open the door!” He said while knocking in a very rushed manner. He wanted nothing more than to help you and treat the damage he caused to his beloved wife. He had royally fucked up. He began turning and jiggling the locked knob in an attempt to get it open but failed. “Please Y/N! I have to take care of you and that burn. I’m so sorry but please let me in!”

On the other side of the door, you pressed your back against it as you held in your sobs and slid to the bottom. You pulled both lips in to conceal your voice while you held your wrist to examine the burn on your arm. It was so bad. Your skin turned an angry shade of red as it blistered and bled. You were dripping blood all over your carpeted floor and so you ran to the master bathroom in the bed room.

You turned on the sink and placed your forearm under the cold, running water. The water soothed it a bit but it wasn’t enough to cover the pain. You turned off the sink and grabbed a hand rag as you patted down on your wound. You took out the first aid kit and cared for yourself. You had to take the alcohol to clean it and sucked in a breath before you poured the solution over the burn. You screamed as it seemed to have hurt 10x more. After dabbing cotton over it, you wrapped it in bandages and took a breath of relief.

‘What just happened?’ You thought to yourself.

The entire time, Katsuki was still begging for you to open up. He heard your scream and grew frantic. He banged on the door and cried for you, still hoping, praying, that you would let him in. When nothing happened, he resorted back to calling out for you but to no avail.

About an hour went by and it was almost 4 in the morning. You sat on the bed with your arms holding your knees to your chest. You stared at the wrap as the memories of what went down tonight flashed through your brain.

‘Waste of time...brat ass...attention whore...ungrateful...annoying bitch.’

His words struck you right in your heart. Cruel thoughts began to fill your head.

‘He doesn’t love me. He hates me. I’m worthless.’ Your thoughts would’ve continued until a quiet knock snapped you out of you mind.

“....Y/N?...Baby?” It was Katsuki of course, but a softer version of him. A broken one. “..I don’t know if you’re listening or if you’re awake..but I need you to know that I’m so so sorry.” It was easy to hear his muffled and staggered voice that exposed his tears and sobs. “If I could turn back time right now, I would do tonight all over again, I swear. I would’ve came home and listened to you. And we could’ve talked things out. We would’ve came out of this problem being a stronger couple than we were before...because that’s what we always do. We always make it out of the dark together..because we’re a team..and I need you. .....Please...please don’t leave me Y/N. I love you so much. ‘M so sorry that I hurt you..that I burned you..that I’m such a terrible husband. But I promise you I’ll fix everything in the morning...................Teddy Bear?”

He didn’t know it, but you were listening. You heard every word but refrained from speaking. You knew that the second you did, you’d break down and go crawling back to him....but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to leave. He physically burned you and you wanted to leave. You were going to sleep for a few hours, and when you would awaken, you would pack a bag and leave. And so, you began your plan and tried to get some sleep as tear streaks marked your face. It would all be over soon.

You woke up to the morning sun.

6:50 a.m.

You rose out of bed and rubbed at your puffy eyes. You quietly got ready in the bathroom and applied the slightest bit of makeup to look more presentable. You took out a pair of shoes and tossed them to the center of the room. You were in your closet and pulled out a bag. You stuffed it full of a few clothes for you to wear, you couldn’t stay here. Not after what he did. You fought through the pain as you pulled on your jacket and placed your shoes on. You wiped your tears as you picked up your purse and got ready to leave. You were going to stay in a hotel. Didnt matter where or how expensive. You just needed to get away.

Finally, you walked to the exit of the bedroom. You took a breath before you slowly turned the knob and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Bakugou. He had slept in the hallway in front of the bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. His knees were scrunched up with his arms resting there to be used as a pillow. He layed his head atop of his arms and as you looked down into his hands, you saw the rag. The exact rag from the argument. The rag that he attempted to use to help you. Little did you know, Bakugou hadn’t planned on getting rid of it until you let him use it to help you. He wanted nothing more than to fix his mistake and cater to you and your wound.

You shook your head as you felt tears began to fill your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You took a step and sadly awoken the exact man you were trying to avoid. Bakugou had quickly woken up when he heard the slightest noise and was blessed with the beauty that is you. He looked up at you with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Y/N...” was what he whispered before he quickly got up to run to you.

“Y/N!” He ecstatically said with a hint of relief. He was about to wrap him arms around you but you kept a hand at his chest to keep him at bay. “Baby?...”

Bakugou looked at you with hurt and confused eyes when you didn’t welcome his embrace. Even when you were mad at him, you still allowed him to hold you so what gives? He looked at you and your attire. He noticed your jacket and shoes and saw you holding a bag. “W-what are you doing?”

You walked away from him but he snatched your wrist to make you turn to face him. “Y/N! What’s going on?!” He frantically asked with crazed eyes. You snatched your wrist back and ran down the stairs and he copied your actions. He followed you into the living room until he grabbed your wrist once more. You tried to pull away again but found it harder because this time, he gripped it tight.

“W-where are you going baby?”

“Dont call me that.”

“What? Why? Baby, please tell me what’s going on.” He begged as he squeezed your wrist.

“What’s going on? Are you serious? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” Bakugou’s eyes went wide once more and shook his head.

“N-no! No, why!?”

“Why?! Look at my arm!” You screamed.

“I know! I know and I’m so sorry! But..but you don’t have to go! I can fix you up, I’ll take you to recovery girl, I will bring you to the best hospitals around the world to fix that for you! Just please don’t go!” He bargained and offered everything but you weren’t budging.

“It’s not just the burn Bakugou.” You deadpanned with a nonchalant face. His heart felt heavy after hearing your voice refer to him with his family name.

“..I-it’s Katsuki! Your Katsuki! It’s Suki, baby please!” Bakugou stepped closer as he cried once more but you backed away again. His hold on your wrist still strong as his fingers played with the ring on your hand, trying to calm himself down and remind himself that you are still his wife.

You shook your head at his pleading. “Bakugou. You burned me. But not only that, you’ve neglected me for months.”

“I know that! And I’m sorry! I will spend just as much time off of work to make it up to you, I swear I will, I promise!” He once again bargained.

“It’s too late.”

“No it’s not, please, it can’t be!”

“It is Bakugou-“

“KATSUKI! ....please...please don’t call me that. I’m your Katsuki,” he said with a whimpering voice. At this point you felt the tears come through, but you still didn’t allow them to fall.

“Katsuki...I can’t stay here. Too much damage has been done.” You said with a soft voice. Bakugou continued to shake his head ‘no,’ but you already made up your mind. You used your wind quirk in your hand and blew his grip off your wrist. You took the quick opportunity to walk to the door but Bakugou grabbed your bag off your shoulder in a childish panic and attempt to get you to stay.

“Hey!-“

“Please Y-Y/N! Please don’t leave me! I- I know I’ve been a terrible husband! I’m sorry! B-But I promise I’ll do better. I’ll stay at home more, I’ll spend more time with you, Please!”

“Katsu-“

“I’ll buy you whatever you want! I’ll get you all the expensive brands, I’ll find you all the best jewelry, I’ll give you all the money in the world! I’ll give you the whole world! Please stay! I love you so much Y/N!”

“Katsuki, give me back my bag,” you tried to reach for it but Bakugou kept it away from you and pulled you in with one arm and held you in a tight embrace as he cried on your shoulder.

“Please...you can’t do this to me. I need you. I love you! I’ll do better! I’ll be a better husband, I swear..just please don’t go.” He softly spoke with a broken voice and soft hiccups. It was wrong for you to do this, but you sighed and pretended to forgive him as you wrapped your arms around his torso. You hugged him tight and he fell for it as he openly sobbed now. His other arm that held your bag came to wrap around your waist but before it could, you snatched the bag out of his hold and pushed him away. You ran to the door and held a tight grip on the knob as you picked up your car keys. You saw Katsuki attempt to run back to you but you created a strong barrier of wind to protect you. “IM SORRY Y/N! PLEASE DONT!”

You took off your ring and tossed it to him through the barrier. He was quick to catch it and hold it right in fear of losing it. He had to find a way to get it back on your finger. “No..baby...Teddy Bear please!”

“....I’ll send you the divorce papers....Goodbye Katsuki.”

With that, you walked out of the door, still keeping the barrier alive. Once you started the car, you dispersed of the wind and Bakugou opened the door and ran to your car.

“Y/N wait! Please!” He cried out but he was too late. You pulled out of the driveway and drove off quickly down the street. He watched your car go as he began hyperventilating and tugging at his ash blonde locks. He ran back inside the house with your ring in hand as he looked for his phone. He found it on the kitchen island and quickly dialed your number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail but that didn’t stop him from calling about 50x more.

“This-...this has to be some stupid dream. A fucking nightmare...” he said as he tried to hide in denial. “Yeah...a nightmare. This is what it is...I’ll..I’ll wake up soon and she’ll be by my side in the morning...sleeping peacefully...and I’ll take the whole week off and spend it with her. She won’t be mad, we’ll be happy like we always are. S-She won’t leave me.”

Bakugou had an insane smile on his face with eyes of distraught on him. He clumsily made his way back to his bedroom where he flopped onto the large mattress and tried to get some sleep. He would sleep the whole day away if it meant you’d still be by his side when he woke up. The ring you abandoned was held tight in the palm of his hand as he held it close to his chest. His sobs overcame him but did aid in his journey to slumber. Eventually, he knocked out and a smile of bliss adorned his face as he assumed you would still be there in the morning.....oh how wrong he was.

The very next day, he woke up at 5:30 like he always did and quickly looked to your side of the bed. It was cold and empty. He was lonely. The exact same feeling you got everytime you woke up without seeing him for the past 6 months.

6 months. You’ve been married for 4 years and together for 8. Out of those 8 years, Bakugou spent 6 months neglecting you..and now...he lost you.

He stared at the empty space and bawled his eyes out like a baby as he screamed. He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Maybe you were cooking breakfast! You weren’t. Kitchen was empty. He ran to the living room! Maybe you were just watching some TV and reading a book, looking all cute and domesticated like you usually did. No, you weren’t there either. Bakugou checked every room in the house and when he couldn’t find you..he snapped.

His heart beated at a rapid pace as he trashed the entire house. Breaking windows, flipping desks, smashing furniture. He used his quirk to create blasts and burn marks into the walls and floors of the house. He did everything to get his frustrations out. The entire time he shouted and cried as rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks.

When he was done, he sat in the middle of the destroyed living room, laying his back against the flipped couch. He sat with his knees scrunched up as he hunched over, staring at the ground. His nose and eyes and basically his entire face grew puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so was he. Silent tears continued to drop, but his throat was too dry and hurt far too much for him to make anymore noise. However, he did fight through the pain to say one final thing:

“What have I done?”

A/N: hi cubsss! So a lot of you may know that my very first post, writing piece, and short story (He’s Lost) was created around angst, a breakup, and the fact that the triggering point was Bakugou physically hurting Y/N. I’ve been thinking about it and I HATE MY WRITING IN THE FIRST POST! It was terrible! Why tf did y’all like it so much?😭 And so, I’ve created a new piece revolving around the same elements, sorta as a way to check my progress. I hope you enjoyed!

ALSO!!! If you guys like this enough, I’m willing to turn it into a small yandere short story if you Cubs are down for that. Let me know and I’ll make it happen! Love you Cubs! See you next time🧸💗

#bakugo x reader #bakugou fanfiction #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou x y/n #bnha #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha #bakugou angst #bakugo angst #katsuki angst #bakugou katsuki angst #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader angst #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha bakugou #boku no hero bakugou #boku no hero academia #my hero academia bakugou #my hero academia #mha angst #bnha angst

[books-and-catears]

Hi! If requests are open could i request the brothers with a teen MC who's stressed about school?

When they come home they immediately throw themselves to bed, they often have headaches, they become more cold and distant, they often have a hard time submitting homework on time and they're not as lively as they originally were. How would the brothers comfort them?

I'm so fucking tired rn, i know it's the last month (even tho It's more like 15 days) but my teachers are starting a new important project where we have to host an EVENT along with our exam that is coming up in a week. And we're in fucking highschool-

Aw I think I accidentally opened my asks again but I read this and I relate so much to this; I needed this as much as you. Being a student is too hard sometimes. *hugs* Sorry sweetie you must be so exhausted too?

I'll definitely write this. I apologize if it's a bit short but thank you so much for this ask. I'll try and do my best okay?

Exam season has just rolled out in Devildom and Diavolo had recently announced that the Exchange students will not have a reduced syllabus and have to study like the rest of the demons, to get a better understanding of their culture and history. This sudden increase in work hasn't been easy on you.

Lucifer

He notices something off with you when you stop telling him leave his paperwork and get some rest. These days it seems he has to pull you away from your work.

He can see how dull and lifeless your eyes look as you try to politely sit through meals with everyone.

"MC do you have some time to talk?" He asks you one day in the middle of homework. "I'm a little busy Lucifer maybe later. I still have finish three more these essays." Wow how the tables turn.

He was planning to have tea with you, but as you usually leave the tea near him when he's working, he did the same. "Don't worry MC I'll take care of this." He whispers to himself.

You're only a child, why are you being so overworked? This is ridiculous. Immediately takes it up with Diavolo and the authorities at school to make sure you're not given more than you can handle.

Mammon

What do you mean you're not up for movie night? Again? This is the fifth time you've denied him. Mammon starts getting worried about you.

At first he's afraid that maybe you're only mad at him so he asks his brothers who you are spending time with. You are nowhere to be found in any of their rooms.

He reaches your room and finds you curled up in bed, groaning in pain, holding your head. "MC what's wrong?" You manage to squeak out, "Head hurts." It looks really bad from the way you're wincing.

He goes into panic overdrive, going up to Satan and Lucifer, even ringing up Solomon for headache cures. After you get a little better, he found out that it's school stress that's doing this to you.

Godamnit Diavolo! Why would you think it's okay to send a little human to Demon school? They work differently don't they. He will volunteer to do most of your work at school- even though he forgets his own.

Leviathan

Levi was excitedly waiting for you to show up to play his new game. It was the usual routine for you to come back from school, freshen up and then join him gaming four days a week. But you haven't showed up. For the third time this week.

He keeps texting and calling you but don't reply. At first he thinks it's because he's a yucky otaku but then he notices you aren't even getting his messages. So he ventures out of his room and finds you in yours.

You were fast asleep in your uniform, your phone switched off due to low battery, your bed unmade and your bag in a slump on the floor. You look like a game character who got defeated in a fight.

When he hears it is the school stress that is doing this to you, he adamantly hatches a plan. "Levi we have school why anime now?" You ask as he drags you to his room.

"Because you need a energy recharge! So I told Lucifer you'll be staying with me all day and watch your favourite anime." Levi said, handing you a bunch of snacks.

Satan

This is the ninth day in a row you had fallen asleep in the library. Yes Satan was counting. Everytime he finds you, you're curled up in a chair with a heavy bookon your lap and your notebook and pens strewn across a nearby table. Overdue assignments.

"Oh MC again?" He mutters as he puts his jacket on you so you don't get cold. When was the last time you read a book with him? You seem so busy and distant these days. He noticed the way you kept denying all his brothers hence he didn't approach you himself. Now he understood why.

Diavolo must be barking mad in his head if he thinks an adolescent human can work the same way as age old demons. He feels annoyed at how you're being overwhelmed.

You wake up to him sitting next to you, writing down your assignments. "Satan why..." Satan smiles and palms your head, "You need to rest, you've been working too hard. I'll handle the assignments, you sleep some more, I'm taking you to a cat cafe later. Playing with cats will help you feel relaxed."

Asmodeus

Asmo notices the redness in your sunken eyes on the very next day after you pull an all-nighter. He offers you to come to his room but you decline saying you have to prepare for upcoming exams.

He finds it increasingly hard to keep his mouth shut and leave you alone when you look like this. Your skin is breaking out, your cheeks are sinking. You're starting to look like Lucifer.

Look at how school is ruining you! You are only a baby and yet you're starting look a workaholic corporate worker.

One day he's had enough with your lack of self-care and he drags you to his room. You try telling him off "Asmo I have exams-" He snaps back at you angrily, "Today is your day off whether you like it or not. I will not have you mistreating yourself like this. Now come on we're doing a home spa."

Beelzebub

Everything seems wrong. You aren't eating well. And today you look like you're about to pass out while eating dinner. He can't eat when you're like this - he doesn't want your leftovers anymore.

You try to smile at him, "I'm okay Beel. I'm just not very hungry." He isn't buying it but you leave so suddenly he couldn't say anything. You seemed to brush people off and be on your own these days.

He noticed you skip the lunchline at school to scurry off to a lonely table to finish up some work. He gets an extra plateful of food and sets it down next to you.

"Beel I said I'm not hungry." You try to say but Beel is having none of it. He snatches your stuff away. "School can wait, you need nourishments to work. I won't let you work before you eat all of this, MC."

Belphegor

This is heavily annoying to him. He sees you running out of your room, sneaking into the library to study at 3 AM in the night. Did you just wake up and decide not to sleep ever again?

When he tries to approach you about this, you act snappy and cold towards him. He doesn't mind - he understands why you're like this. He's grumpy half the time when he doesn't get to sleep either.

As if he needed more reason to resent Diavolo. Not only did he drag you down from Earth and now's he overworking you in school. Is this supposed to help somehow? Cause the only thing this has done is reduce the smiley chirpy MC to Lucifer version 2.0

One day he sees fall head first onto the floor as you try to flee your room. You stumble and shake as you try to get up again. "Okay that's it. Enough of this." Belphie appears and takes you back to your room, throwing you on the bed. "Belphie I'm fine I just need to finish-"

"You need to finish your sleep. I thought humans had better self-preservation than this. You will not get out of bed until you've caught up on your sleep" He tucks you in bed and stays there until you fall fast asleep.

#obey me teen!mc #obey me fluff #obey me angst #obey me comfort #obey me Lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me imagine #obey me game #obey me asmo #obey me ask