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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

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I saw someone recently accuse Peter of being immoral, of being selfish and ‘gaslighting’ of his friends and family in withholding his secret from them.

My kneejerk reaction to that is to defend the character, but I sat down and really tried to inquire about the question.

My conclusion is twofold:

It depends upon the context and

He wasn’t being very nice in deceiving them...but it was far from immoral or anything else for him to do so.

I really hate cynical hot takes on the character like that so let’s talk about it.

For a microcosm I’m going to be using Peter’s more iconic supporting cast members circa the Silver Age when he was at ESU, specifically up until issue #122.

Why?

Well to examine Peter in high school is rather redundant. However much slack you could arguably cut college era Peter for his youthfulness, you go further for High school Peter. Also he didn’t have many friends in the first place. Finally the college era simply contains the most iconic iterations of Peter’s supporting cast and social group.

I’m also not looking at every supporting cast member because who cares that he didn’t confide in Josh (do you even remember him) or Jameson (obvious).

Before I begin to look at any of these characters we should properly contextualize things.

Peter’s secret is no laughing matter.

It’s more than just his sense of privacy and anonymity being violated.

It’s more even than his ability to have a freer hand in fighting crime and thus work faster and more efficiently, saving more people.

If people find out who he is then between the law, Jameson, criminals and super villains, it’s open season for everyone Peter cares about or is too closely connected to him, not to mention Peter himself.

Peter’s experiences with Norman Osborn learning his secret in ASM #39 alone were a major example of what he risks, of how dangerous and violent, his life could become if even one bad person learnt his secret.

And the fact is the more people who know his secret, the more likely it is that it will become compromised. Even telling just one person, if they are the wrong person, could have devastating results.

Whomever Peter potentially trusts must be able to keep a secret, keep a secret under pressure, not give anything away, be able to deal with that massive burden day in and day out and above all else be loyal to him and stand a good chance of remaining loyal to him.

A great example of what it could mean to trust someone too hastily is provided in MIles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man. The young Miles reveals his identity to his girlfriend Kate Bishop and in turn she reveals it to her parents who are in fact HYDRA agents.

Whilst this is an extreme example it nevertheless illustrates the extreme risk of trusting the wrong person with something like this.

We must keep this in mind going forward.

One final thing to keep in mind is the timeline. We’re bouncing around a bit here but we’re essentially looking at broadly Peter’s start of college to Gwen’s death (ASM #31-ASM #121). We don’t have a pinned down timeframe for that. But we do know Peter’s college years lasted about 4 years, which is standard. 2 of those years elapsed between Gwen’s death and the 1970s Clone Saga. We then got 30+ issues until Peter graduated.

Those 30+ issues combined with ASM #31-121 must therefore account for another 2 years and given how the latter is a larger span of issues than the former ASM #31-121 can logically be presumed to transpire across over a year.

For the purposes of this essay, we are presuming 18 months.

Let’s tackle these guys one by one.

Aunt May: Beyond a doubt from Peter’s point of view absolutely not could he reveal his secret to Aunt May.

Nowdays we might argue it was corny, possibly sexist, possibly just dumb and convenient writing to have May be so frail that learning his secret would kill her.

Nevertheless though, that was genuinely what he believed.

Now for sure Peter didn’t tell May his secret before this...but in fairness to him he was young, dumb and she did mention more than once how she didn’t approve or like Spider-Man. Coupled with his teenage concern that she’d hate him for his role in Ben’s death it’s entirely sympathetic that Peter would keep her in the dark, not to mention he knew how much she already worried about him.

Furthermore whilst the idea of a big shock being fatal to her wasn’t brought up before ASM #39, you could very easily argue that Peter in observing her age, trips to the hospital and frailty made a perfectly sound decision to not put her through any huge shocks or massive concerns for him.

Going forward Peter maintaining the secret can be viewed as a force of habit and to be frank even in Len Wein’s run May in the mid-late 1970s May was keeling over from too much stress and stimulation. Before that in ASM #144 she already went to the hospital upon laying eyes on a seemingly resurrected Gwen Stacy. Learning her nephew was Spider-Man? The idea that very well could’ve killed her was an entirely reasonable presumption for Peter to hold going forward.

Thus not telling her is not selfish on his part, it’s literally saving May’s life.

By extension it also adds fuel for him to maintain his secret in general. It isn’t even that villains could target Aunt May, it’s that merely finding out could kill her as far as Peter knows.

Flash Thompson: This one is also rather easy.

Peter and Flash were rivals in high school. They were rivals still in college but began to mellow. It took Gwen dying and Peter losing his home for the two to truly start to connect and that bad blood was still cropping up from time to time thereafter.

In the silver age though they were simply not nearly close enough for Peter to entrust something as dangerous as his secret to someone who’d shown so little trust and loyalty to him as Peter Parker. Flash may even in Peter’s mind resented learning his hero was the guy who had such a bad history with. It didn’t help that even though they mellowed somewhat in college Flash’s trips in the military meant he and Peter spent less time together TO get to know one another.

Mary Jane Watson: Of course with hindsight we know that MJ was aware of who Peter was and was totally trustworthy.

But Peter didn’t.

He was fooled by the scatterbrained party girl facade, the woman who seemed zany enough to be impressed by a big hole in a wall.

From his perspective MJ also didn’t seem all that loyal. As a friend they were not that close, merely going out a few times, bumping into one another at Anna or May’s, and hanging out as part of the larger group.

Yes MJ was seemingly interested in him due to her flirtations but from Peter’s POV at best this was her having some fun and at worst it was her just being like that with most people.

Also from Peter’s POV MJ crossed the line at times in her flirtations with him given her relationship with his friend Harry. If she was not particularly serious or loyal with him as a girlfriend there was little reason for her to trust her as a friend with a life or death secret.

If anything from Peter’s POV MJ was the most likely to spill the beans inadvertantly. It was a concern he held even up to the 1980s when she did reveal she knew the truth.

Harry Osborn: From a certain point of view, Harry seems like the best candidate for Peter to confide in.

He was Peter’s best friend and roommate after all.

The thing is...people do tend to exaggerate that. For sure they were friends, probably one another’s best friends even. But the term ‘best friends’ denotes images of staying up late to play video games, hitting the clubs, making a routine of catching movies together or regularly shooting the breeze.

This wasn’t the nature of Peter and Harry’s relationship. They hung out together of course, but their studies coupled with Peter’s relationship, work and Spidey troubles meant that they didn’t spend much on panel quality time together, at least not outside the main group.

It happened, but not as much as you’d think.

They cared about each other, but not to the extent the films and TV shows might play up.

In a sense Harry was Peter’s best friend almost by default. As in he was relatively speaking the person who outside of romance or family, was closest to him.

Harry though was also initially a bully towards Peter. He was initially jealous and resentful over Peter and Gwen’s relationship and at times showed similar frustrations regarding MJ’s attraction to Peter. And all that is before you talk about his major drug problem, how many pills would Harry take to cope with the burden of being Spider-Man’s BFF?

All these factors combined made Harry probably too unreliable a candidate for Peter to confide in.

But the single biggest problem...was his Dad.

Harry had major issues with his Dad and was damaged over losing his mother. Peter didn’t know just how deep those scars went but he could tell there were problems even early into their relationship.

Now Harry’s issues alone should realistically have made Peter think twice about confiding in him.

But the fact that his Dad was also one of his villains, the one villain who’d know who he was if not for a case of inconsistent amnesia?

It was a non-starter.

If Peter told Harry, Harry (frequently vulnerable and ever keen to please his father) would be extremely likely to let something slip to Norman. Or worse simply confide in Norman.

If Norman rediscovered his identity it vastly increased the possibility of him regaining his memories of being the Green Goblin and then game over.

In fact given Norman’s sometimes ruthless businessman life (even before he go his powers) along with his connections to J. Jonah Jameson and another senior gentleman we will be discussing below, Norman learning the truth was a huge risk even if he didn’t remember he was the Goblin.

Not to mention to ask Harry to keep this a secret from his own father whom he valued so highly would’ve been a humongous ask of Peter’s. Harry may simply have refused to do it, more than likely believing his father could also be trusted.

Gwen Stacy: Perhaps the most obvious candidate was Peter’s girlfriend.

Gwen as a confidant was a non-starter early in their relationship when she was a bully. And the same goes for later on when she blames Spidey for her Dad’s death. She was so hung up on it from Peter’s POV convincing her otherwise wasn’t really an option (this was confirmed by Gwen’s clone’s reaction to learning his secret in Spec Annual #8); also Peter’s decision made particularly more sense in light of an issue discussed below.

But later on when they had grown closer and were making no secret of how much they loved one another?

Shouldn’t Peter have told her?

Shouldn’t he have been fair to her in letting her in on the big secret?

Well actually...he did....and she took it terribly!

In ASM #87 a sickly and dazed Peter revealed his identity to Gwen, MJ, Harry and Captain Stacy.

Gwen broke down in tears, arguably becoming borderline hysterical. She didn’t want Peter’s news to be true.

Her dialogue and reaction pretty much indicate when confronted with the truth her instinct was to believe the worst of Peter.

To believe not that the stories of how horrible Spider-Man was were in fact lies because she knew Peter, but rather her loving boyfriend was in fact a pretense in truth being the menace Spider-Man.

Now this issue alone would have both confirmed Peter’s worst fears of compromising his identity on simply a social level (he would be rejected) and also persuaded him that it’s best NOT to confide in any of the people in that room, all of whom were his closest friends.

But was he being unreasonable in lying to Gwen even before this issue?

Not really no.

Gwen’s character had come to show itself as a woman who broke down in tears very easily, someone who needed her Daddy’s shoulder to support her, someone who couldn’t look after herself all that well and just...not all that strong of a person.

Asking someone like that to shoulder the huge burden of a life or death secret, over someone they are in love with no less, is practically cruel.

From Peter’s POV, Gwen wasn’t made of strong enough stuff to shoulder that burden; arguably the same went for Harry.

Even if she just couldn’t handle the stress of being Spider-Man’s girlfriend and they broke up and she left NYC, she’d still wander through life having to keep in a secret that could get Peter, Aunt May, her, and her friends murdered.

A horrible fate for the type of person Gwen seemed to be, but more importantly from Peter’s POV...she didn’t even seem that capable of handling it. Nevermind she’d suffer if she kept the secret, she simply didn’t come across as though she’d ever be able to.

This was the woman after all who, if memory serves, was concerned over Peter merely taking pictures of Spider-Man. How was she going to cope over him being Spider-Man?

Well there was one way she could cope. The same way she coped with alot of things.

Turning to her father for support.

And that...was yet another major reason NOT to tell her!

Captain Stacy: We know now George Stacy knew Peter was Spider-Man and protected that secret.

But Peter didn’t.

Captain Stacy seemed like a nice, honorable man though. An upstanding citizen through and through. And he liked Peter a lot.

So, why shouldn’t Peter confide in him?

...Because he had major police connections.

Spider-Man’s relationship with the police was testy at best. They’d been after him more than once.

Peter liked George Stacy but he had no reason at all to believe George would be a good secret keeper, especially when the secret he was keeping was in essence being an accomplice to vigilantism. Peter couldn’t be 100% sure that George wouldn’t value the law over Peter’s own brand of justice. Or that he wouldn’t trust the authorities to keep him, Gwen, Peter and Peter’s friends and family safe, which would involve even more people knowing. Possibly even Peter going public.

On top of all this, telling George would mean either telling Gwen or else asking George to lie to his own daughter which wasn’t going to happen. In fact Peter asking GWEN to lie to her own father wasn’t going to happen either. Gwen and her Dad were simply too close, with Gwen arguably caring more for her father than for Peter. Asking either of them to choose between Peter and their closest family would be cruel and just a non-starter.

So with the Stacys, Peter’s dilemma wasn’t that he’d have to trust one of them, but both. One who seemed like he could keep a secret but had close connections to people who could ruin his life, the other someone who didn’t seem like she could keep a secret at all.

Remember what I said, the more people who know the more likely it is for a secret to get out.

Mathematically either Stacy was a bad bet.

It didn’t help that George, Jameson and Norman all knew one other and that George more specifically had connections to someone else...

Joe Robertson: Robbie is another guy we know with hindsight was totally trustworthy, but at the time, he just didn’t seem that way.

He seemed like a nice guy of course, but how well did Peter actually know him?

How close was he to him?

A lot LESS close than Robbie seemed to be with Jameson.

Jameson, he of the Spider-Man smear campaign infamy. He of the Spider Slayers and Scorpion creation business.

Robbie wasn’t just close to Jameson on a social level, he literally worked in the same building with him, interacting with him regularly.

And, similar to George, Robbie seemed a man of integrity to the point where him lying to the public about who Peter was would be a questionable bet to place on him.

Compounding everything we’ve looked at is two key factors.

The first is that Peter grew up lonely and bullied. He didn’t have any peers to really trust and so when he got them, trusting them with his most valuable secret, the thing that could destroy him, Aunt May, them, everything in his life, would likely have been something he’d have found hard to do.We might also argue that in finding friendship and a social group for the first time in his life Peter might’ve been inclined to do what he could to not push them away, which he (not unreasonably) believed revealing his identity would do.

The second more important point is...he hadn’t known any of these people for that long.

For sure, you can forge a deep connection with someone in a short space of time for various reasons.

But given how Peter wasn’t spending most of his time with these people, and what time he was was hardly intimate quality time in most cases...would he have a truly ‘deep’ connection with any of these people?

No...they are just people he’s known for less than 2 years, probably around 18 months tops. He wasn’t even friendly with all of them for all that time either.

So all in all...Peter wasn’t nice in deceiving his friends.

But...it was also an entirely reasonable course of action to take.

#Spider-Man #Peter Parker #mjwatsonedit #Mary jane watson Parker #Mary Jane Watson #Gwen Stacy #George Stacy #Captain Stacy #Joe Robertson #J. Jonah jameson #Norman Osborn #Green Goblin #Aunt May #May Parker #Harry Osborn #Flash Thompson

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furkanandiceng · 5 years

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ALL MEN MAGAZINE (FEBRUARY) INTERVIEW TRANSLATION

How was your involvement in the project “Kardeş Çocukları”?

We had a meeting with Gold Film at the beginning of last summer before I went to America. We had actually come across many times for three years and wanted to work together, but we didn’t have the opportunity. It happened this year. I feel very lucky in that sense. I loved the script when I first read it, because each character has a depth, a story and a conflict. It’s very critical, because it gives us a lot of materials to maintain the flow of the story and not let the story get stuck somewhere. Our scriptwriter really knows her craft well. Dialogues are meticulously and carefully written. You can see it very clearly when you read them. When we had our first meeting, the scriptwriter was also there. I asked the questions in my mind and she explained the character, story and her thoughts with me. She even told me a scene from the 20th episode. It’s something very valuable and efficient and gave me extra assurance. Because during the course of filming, it can be very tiring for scriptwriters to find new stories. I don’t think our story will get stuck. I was also very excited when I saw the cast and found out that the director is Faruk Teber. This is how we started our journey. It’s a very good project, I hope our viewers like it too. It’s up to their discretion.

Can you tell us what the character Volkan is like?

Volkan’s most interesting characteristic is that he’s totally a hedonist. He makes fun of life, is fond of his own pleasure and is full of himself. And all of this is a mask that he wears as a result of a trauma he had at a young age. He’s talking to everyone behind that mask. Although he’s a fun guy, he’s actually not truly open to anyone. He’s the stepson of the house and family. He’s an architect, studied abroad and has an active social life. He has his secrets and mysteries. I love that while the general story has a sad and serious tone, the character Volkan adds a nice color to the story and breaks the seriousness.

What attracts you in your character when you accept a project?

I try to make sure that it’s a new character, one that I haven’t played before and that it’s a strong character. While preparing for a character, you have to know everything about it. You also have to create the information that wasn’t given to you, by adhering to the general outline of the character’s story. Every character that I’ve played so far has become like my friends whom I know very well. And they helped me experience new things. I also think that always trying the new and difficult will be educational for the actors.

Do you think that addressing violence against women on TV raises awareness in people?

We’re in show business and our job is, by its nature, to be in the public eye. I think it has a real impact on the public. That’s why we shouldn’t underestimate the power of messages we give. It’s a conscious and appropriate idea to address a sensitive topic like violence against women on TV, in my opinion. We can create a perception by drawing people’s attention with the right messages. Recent regulations also support this. I hope that we can make great improvements in fighting violence against women. It’s an action that cannot be considered legitimate under any circumstances. We must always react to it.

Among all of your projects, is there a project that you think opened a new path for you?

Of course every project opens a new and different path for you. The doors opened to you through every one of them are very valuable. I can say that I started a fun romantic comedy adventure and journey after “Kaçak Gelinler”. This project included me in the world of romantic comedies.

What do you do when you are all alone?

I’m actually a very sociable person, I have a lot of friends. Most of them are from my childhood. Even when I work long hours, it feels good to spare 1-2 hours to them and talk about my day or the topics we couldn’t talk about recently. This even feels like meditation to me. But later, as a person spends more time alone, he rediscovers himself. Lately, I spare more time to myself. I read and paint. I’ve been working on a script. In fact, I’m trying to be productive like this recently.

Is there a characteristic of you that we don’t know about?

I make very good omelette!

We always talk about the harmful side of social media. But very fast aid campaigns are organized and we have quick access to the news through it. What’s your point of view about this new way of communication?

Social media is really a subject that can be discussed forever. It’s a world of communication that has both plus and minus sides and we are all a part of it. Yes, its pluses beside its minuses can’t be denied. We can have amazing access to people in social responsibility projects and campaigns. I witnessed its powerful impact in some campaigns that I was involved in too. We had access to a great number of people. Also, people can share their ideas, show their reactions and have their voices heard. But this has its unpleasant sides too. People don’t share their opinions with their real names. They open fake accounts and use other people’s photos. This makes it feel unreal. But for me, the most important criteria of communication is sincerity. This is why I think people should go out more often and have more eye contact with other people. Similarly, we shouldn’t be too attracted to the tempting effect of social media. I don’t think this would be good for us.

How well do you do sports? Do you think that the new generation confuses healthy lifestyle with exercise obsession?

I’ve been doing sports for as long as I can remember, actually. I played basketball as a licensed player for 10 years. I’m interested in thai boxing and crossfit in recent years. I believe that it’s a lifestyle, rather than an obsession. Doing exercise is a physical and mental gain. Exercise is a part of healthy lifestyle, but it isn’t enough by itself. We also can’t say that a person who does exercise is living healthily. As in everything, obsession wouldn’t give good results in sports either. Unwanted problems may occur. It’s good to be careful.

Will we be able to see you in a movie?

I really want to take part in a movie. But I have this TV series project this year, so I don’t think I will have the time. I hope we can meet in a good movie next year.

Backstage: http://video.all.com.tr/mp4/furkan-andic---backstage-91406-4032019111633.mp4

#furkanandıç #furkanandic #furkan #andıç #heryerdesen #seldem #interview #translation #all #allmen

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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 5 years

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Madness | Chpt. 13

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Once Upon the 40′s”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 6,850

Warnings: ???

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

Summary: Eva recalls her past with Loki and runs into some very familiar faces along the way, faces she’s never been able to forget.

A/N: Like I’ve stated previously, I’m taking a lot of creative liberties with this fic, and I hope you understand. I’m definitely taking more within the following chapters. Thank you all for being so patient. Once again, I’ve heard a lot of really good theories about what might happen next, so I’m definitely excited to hear what you guys think of the story going forward. I’ve poured my heart and soul into this fic, and all I can do is hope that it shows. You’re all so phenomenal. I love all of you so, so, so much. PLEASE NOTE: this will likely be my final time posting an update for this fic before Endgame is released. I have a few other oneshots that I will release throughout the week before Endgame. I know everyone has said it at this point, but PLEASE if you see the movie, do not spoil it for anyone. I heard about the recent leak, and I refuse to scroll through any forms of social media at this point. I got on here just to post, and I’ll be getting right off. If you do have spoilers already, I ask that you please not share them here <3 -Ellie

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu @mynameisyara @j-j-ehlby-writes @jillilama-blog (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

“We’re still going dancing after this, right?” I asked, gazing up into his blue eyes that matched the color of the sky. Midgard was beautiful as it was, but he made the world around him that much more beautiful in my eyes. My dress-a material that matched the color of his eyes-swung around my knees as we walked toward the expo that Loki had been speaking of for weeks since our last trip to Midgard. He smiled down at me, his eyes still glistening with a hint of excitement that he always tried to hide whilst in the midst of his father. Odin never treated him fairly and always scrutinized when Loki was happy “for no reason.” He knew that he never had to hide any piece of himself from me, though, and that he need not even try. We had known each other for nearly a thousand years, ever since I could remember, and I knew everything there was to know about the young prince of Asgard.

He snickered, “would it be a trip to Midgard without a little dancing?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. Dancing was something we always did when we made any trips to Midgard, regardless of what our trip was for in the first place. Loki was born with a grace and talent for dancing, and it showed in the way he moved. He walked with the same purpose and grace as he did when he danced, and that paled in comparison to the way he held me when we danced. The only thing it could be compared to was the way he held me at night after we spent hours rediscovering one another in the most intimate ways. Those were some of my favorite moments with him, when we were both so vulnerable to each other, but we were comfortable with it because we knew that our insecurities, our fears, our needs would never be exploited by the other. We trusted each other implicitly, and that would never change.

I smirked, remembering the one time that we didn’t go dancing. Loki had been so tired after the full day of mingling and running about the garden with me that we cancelled our plans to be at the wedding and celebrations of Mary, who I had taken a liking to for her fiery attitude, and Francis. Mary was beautiful and gentle, but she was also regal with a sharp-tongue, which was something I admired her for greatly, especially as she grew older. I visited her often with Loki, looking after her as if she were my own. Loki often admired her for being powerful in the face of adversity. People were reluctant to seeing a woman upon the throne, but Loki and I had seen too much to hold prejudice against someone simply because she was a woman. It was a terrible shame when we discovered what happened to her. Still, she had never let us forget that we missed her wedding, often bringing it up lightly to tease Loki and I, “do you remember the 50’s?” I asked, reminding him of a time that didn’t seem that long ago, a time that felt simpler in a way. We could spend hours running through the courtyard of the tudor style home Loki had built for us. It was our place to escape to when we left Asgard.

“Almost 400 years, and you still bring up that one time,” he reminisced, a smile breaking out across his face. I watched the memories dance across his mind, gazing up at him as I longed to revisit our old life. We had always been happy, but the days seemed to move slower then. We could just exist together. He drew himself closer to me, his face growing closer and closer to my ear. I could feel his warm breath cascade across my neck, “perhaps I can make it up to you later tonight?” he whispered, his voice low and smooth as velvet.

“Loki!” I gasped, pushing his chest in a playful manner. He began laughing, and the sound was like music to my ears. There had never been another song more beautiful than the laughter of my love. I stifled my own laughter, not wanting to draw attention from the passersby, but I couldn’t help the smile which tugged at my lips. I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing that he wanted to get that reaction out of me, “you won’t have any of your fun unless you take me dancing. If you back out, you’ll be sleeping on the couch,” I teased him, accepting the challenge to see which one of us would back down first. He rarely brought it up if he wasn’t fairly confident that he would win, but I knew how to beat him, how to make him tick. I loved winning for the simple fact that I loved watching Loki blush.

“I know what to do to get you to sleep on that couch with me, darling. I know how to make you quiver,” he murmured, his voice resembling a growl, causing my most primal urges to bubble up to the surface. I gripped his arm tighter as we continued to walk. He traced a slender finger of his free hand along the skin of mine, and I shivered beneath his touch. I found his eyes once more to see that he looked hungry, as if he were eyeing his prey, “you should enjoy that pretty blue dress because I’m going to have fun tearing it off of you later,” he remarked as a mischievous grin tugged at his lips.

“Watch what happens to you if you tear my dress,” I challenged him, cocking my eyebrow at him.

“You should watch your tongue, my love,” he chuckled, thinking that he won the unspoken challenge, that I had somehow run out of ways to make him blush.

I didn’t.

Without missing a beat, I veered off into an alleyway that left us barely visible to the passersby. No one would take notice of the two of us, especially since we knew how to blend in with the general public for the time period we found ourselves in when we travelled to Midgard. I pressed Loki against the stone wall, taking care not to hurt him as I held him against the cool surface. I leaned in close to him, allowing him to shiver with anticipation. I brought our faces as close together as they could be without partaking in a kiss that would relieve so much of the tension we were both feeling. I leaned into his ear, my breath hitting his neck. I grew close enough so that my lips brushed ever so lightly against his ear, and I felt him tremble beneath me, “you want me to watch my tongue? Make me,” I whispered before removing myself completely from his space just in time to see the color rise to his cheeks.

I won.

The moment he lunged for me, ready to admit defeat and ravage me with kisses, I pulled away from him and walked back out toward the street. That was part of the fun. We knew each other well enough to know what made the other tick. I knew how to get under his skin, and he knew how to get under mine. I knew that not allowing him to kiss me was my way of building up that tension. The lust within him would continue burning until we were alone that night, until I was able to lose myself in him and him in me. Before I could walk along the sidewalk alone, he resumed his place by my side, and I looped my arm through his once he offered it to me. We walked along, falling in perfect stride with one another, as if nothing had happened, but we would remember it later. The tension never died, but it just became like a smoldering fire, which would continue to burn until we extinguished it.

As we walked, we passed by a man and woman, and I noticed the rings on their fingers, symbolizing their eternal love, which was something Loki and I had talked about from time to time. The woman was pushing a baby carriage, and within it, there was a baby who looked no older than 3 months. He was dressed in a little blue outfit that matched his blue eyes. His hair was light, and his skin was fair, much like Thor’s. I smiled into the carriage, feeling my heart flip within my chest as my sudden urges came to light once more. I could feel Loki tense up next to me, and I knew why. It was something we had only talked about briefly, but I knew he wanted that life just as much as I did. His grip on me tightened, and I could feel his eyes lingering on me, so I turned my gaze up to meet his. He smiled down at me so sweetly, just like he used to when we first fell in love. The thoughts crossed his mind, and he didn’t even need to say a single word because I could always read him like an open book, “You know what my answer would be,” I stated, grasping his arm with my free hand. We had already been in the stage of our relationship where we wanted to get married, but we were also coming to the stage where we were both thinking about what would come next: a family.

He sighed, gazing once more at the baby in the carriage before gazing back down at me, “father has always treated me poorly, and he’s never been particularly kind to you. I can’t imagine what he would think of our…” he trailed off, his eyes beginning to water as soon as he even thought of the word. It was a difficult thing for either of us to think about. I was abandoned by my parents, and Odin never treated Loki as one of his own from the very beginning.

“Children, Loki,” I finished for him, giving his arm a gentle squeeze to regain his attention. Once his mind wandered, so did his eyes. Once our eyes locked, I knew that he was focused on me, “they would be our children and ours alone,” I reminded him, wanting him to understand what I had already accepted. I didn’t have to follow in my mother’s footsteps, and I wouldn’t. I would love my children endlessly, and I would never abandon them, not like my parents did to me. Loki’s fears and insecurities were justified because he was terrified of being the father to our children that his father was to him. As upsetting as it was to think that he was self-conscious about failing our future children, I always silenced his doubts about everything as soon as they arose, “you would be the most incredible father, in spite of how you were treated by your own father.”

Once I said my piece, he fell absolutely silent. I gazed up at him, trying desperately to decipher him. There were moments when he was an open book to me, but there were others where he was like a puzzle with dozens of pieces missing, and I became more and more stressed because I couldn’t figure it out. There was the alternative method of reading his mind, his thoughts, but that was something I saved for only the most dire circumstances. He was my lover, my soulmate, my best friend, not my experiment. I couldn’t just pull apart his mind whenever I felt like it to get answers to a question I didn’t want to bother him with. It was my job to read him as any woman would read her love, the way I had read Loki all along. When our eyes met, I knew exactly what he was thinking, as if it were painted across his blue eyes. He was picturing them. A wide smile spread across my face, “the first one would be a little girl, a little princess. I imagine her with your hair, wild and unruly and black as a shadow at night,” I murmured, my eyes flickering between his.

He snickered, “my hair is not unruly!” he defended himself, acting as if he had been terribly offended at my comments about his wild and unruly hair, which it was.

I cocked an eyebrow, ready to challenge him, “have I simply imagined the times when you struggle to brush it out and keep it in place in the morning?” I asked, a sly grin taking over the smile on my lips, “have I imagined the dozens of times when you beg me to brush it because only I can undo the tangled mess that you manage to get it into throughout the night? You always go to sleep with perfect, silky, beautiful hair-and I know because I brush it and look after it-but you wake up the next morning as if you fought four wars all on your own in the middle of the night,” I teased him, grinning up at the man who owned every piece of my heart. We hadn’t lost that spark between us. Sure, we argued with each other and had our fair share of disagreements, but we had been together for hundreds of years, so we knew how to make it work through all of that. Still, no matter what, I always looked at him as the boy I fell in love with. I still got butterflies when I talked to him. I still blushed when he paid me a compliment or looked at me for a prolonged period of time. I still giggled when he called me beautiful.

“That’s only because of you!” he argued, raising his voice only slightly. He wouldn’t yell at me, but he was clearly trying to defend his wild and messy hair. Whenever I closed my eyes and imagined our future children, though, they always had his hair. My hair was dark, but his was exceptionally dark. His hair was darker than the forest on a dark night when the stars didn’t even shine through the trees. The darkness would envelope me, and I wouldn’t be able to see my hands had they been directly in front of my face. Each of our future children, as I saw them, had his wild hair. It would fall in curls, and they would all wear it the way he did: long. His light chuckle pulled me from my daydream, “you keep me up far too late, or have I simply imagined the times I’ve nearly fallen asleep at the breakfast table with my mother?”

My mouth hung agape as I recalled one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, “that-!” I stammered, trying to find a way to defend myself. It was true that it was my doing which left him embarrassed at the breakfast table with Frigga, and it was the moment she understood how deep our relationship was, how serious we were about each other, “that happened one time, and it was only because you wouldn’t stop looking at me the way you are right now!” I blamed him with a smirk as our eyes met once more. Mine danced along his face before I lost myself in the oceans of blue that pooled up against the dark pupils of his eyes, like land masses that felt like home.

His eyes flickered between mine, and his smile fell. The solemnity that overcame his feature worried me for a moment as I wondered if I had gone too far; however, when I saw the tears well up in his eyes, I knew that he was thinking about them. He thought about them just as often as I did, even though he didn’t like to admit it, “they would have your eyes,” he murmured, pulling me closer to him, “a green that matched the colors of spring when the land is reborn after the cold winter, a green that feels like the warm breeze in the middle of the forest when it ripples through the leaves, a green that feels like home. They would wear that same look in their eyes, too. They would have that determination and ferocity but also the love and appreciation of life and all living things. They would have your nose, your cheekbones...your laugh because Gods know there is nothing sweeter or more poetic and beautiful than the sound of your laugh,” he said, tearing up at the thought of our future children. I knew, without the shadow of a doubt, that he would be the best father to our children, and I knew because he loved them already, just like I did.

I stopped completely, not wanting him to focus on anything but me. I reached up and grasped his chin in my hand before turning his head until our eyes met, “I have told you for hundreds of years that all you have to do is ask me, and I’ll be yours for the rest of eternity, Loki,” I reminded him, knowing that all he would have to do is ask for my hand, and I would accept his offer in a heartbeat. He didn’t have to write a speech or plan an elaborate proposal because he was the only thing that mattered.

“I’m just worried that I could never be able to offer you all that you want in life,” he murmured, his eyes acting as windows into his very soul. I knew that he always felt unworthy of me, of the love I gave to him, like he didn’t deserve me. It was the same way I felt at certain times in our relationship, when I wondered why someone who could have anyone or anything he wanted would choose me. He always silenced those doubts, and I did the same with him.

I shook my head, “all I want is you,” I insisted once more, grasping his hand in my own as I gazed up into those uncertain blue eyes, “I want to marry you and start a family. I want to see you with our baby, to watch you hold him or her, to watch you fall in love with the way they laugh, the way they dance, the way they look at you. I want to raise children with you, however many we decide. I want to get up early in the morning and rock our baby to sleep and be reminded that they are the product of the two of us, that we created something that was bigger than ourselves, that our love created life,” I reminded him, my eyes stinging with the hot tears as I thought of a life we had yet to begin. I watched as his eyes brimmed with tears, and I gave his hand a gentle squeeze “we’ve been together for hundreds of years, and you have given me all that I could ever want and all I could ever need, but that is the one thing that’s missing. I want that life with you and no one else,” I finished, stepping closer to him.

“That’s what you want?” he asked, his focus becoming firm, and I knew that he would be focusing on picking out any hints that I was being dishonest, as if I would even try to with him after so long together.

I nodded, “it’s what I’ve always wanted.”

He nodded once, continuing to gaze down at me. Upon seeing that I wasn’t trying to mislead him, his gaze lightened, and he gathered me in his arms in one swift motion. I gasped at the sudden and unexpected action, but before I could speak, his lips crushed mine, silencing whatever words I was about to utter. He kept my body pressed to his firmly but not aggressively. His hold on me was all encompassing as his right arm snaked around my waist, arching my body into his. The fingers of his left hand caressed my cheek and jaw, holding me steady as we kissed. The moment he pulled his lips from mine, it was as if my very breath left with him. Luckily, he didn’t let go of me, or I was sure I would have fallen to the ground. He pulled his head back only slightly to take in my reaction to what just happened, but I had no words, no emotion to give. He took my breath away with that kiss, and it felt like we were at the very beginning of our courtship once more, like we were still naive lovers who saw nothing but one another.

Without warning, he began laughing lightly at what had just transpired. Had we put our love on full display in the streets of Asgard, Odin would have forced the two of us away from each other. It would have been improper for him and unladylike for me. However, on Midgard, people seemed to pass by without taking much notice. Of course, I could still feel eyes on us because it was still a rarity, but we would not be punished for a kiss. I saw, once more, the boy I fell in love with, my Loki. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to contain my laughter once he began laughing. Rolling my eyes, I turned on my heel and pulled him along, “come on, love. We don’t want to miss the expo. It’s the whole reason we came here,” I reminded him as we walked toward the crowds of people.

Upon reaching the large groups of people, we began making our way to the front of the stage in the pavillion where we saw the most commotion. Everyone was talking, and the buzzing of life around me left me with a euphoric feeling in my chest. Warmth spread from the depths of my chest all throughout my body, leaving me gasping for the sweet air to fill my needy lungs. I loved the sensation of life, the vibrations of the energy around me. Loki’s hand found mine, and he intertwined our finger, his fear of large groups becoming more and more clear. Whenever he needed to find his footing once more, he reached out to me, and I was always there. His grip on my hand tightened whenever the noise in the pavillion increased, and I accommodated it by pulling the two of us closer together. I knew where his fear and anxiety stemmed from, and I would always comfort him when that was what he needed.

Once we reached the front of the stage, we watched as young women in matching outfits lined up in front of a car. Shortly after Loki and I took our place, another man with two young women at his side broke through the crowd and stood beside Loki and I. The man in the group was tall and built like a warrior. I took note of the uniform that seemed to hang from his broad shoulders and knew that he was one of Midgard’s soldiers. He smiled up at the stage as the two girls beside him began conversing amongst themselves in their excitement for what was to unfold. Trailing behind them was a smaller man, but I could feel the vibrations within me begin to grow stronger and stronger the closer he grew to me, and I just knew there was something about him, something I couldn’t place my finger on. Our souls were connected somehow, similarly to how mine was connected to the souls of Loki, Ephinea, Hjalmar, and my father. I didn’t even know his name, but I knew his soul.

The taller of the two men glanced over at me, a playfulness in his eyes that matched Loki’s, and I knew that it was a light the world so desperately needed. He smiled down at me, though I was only slightly shorter than him, “good evening, ma’am,” he greeted me with a tip of his hat before turning his attention to Loki and doing the same, “sir,” he greeted politely, causing the God of Mischief to bow his head in a friendly greeting.

I stepped closer to the young man, breaking away from Loki’s side and feeling a chill run through my body at the sudden lack of warmth he brought me, “you can call me Eva, and this is Loki. He’s not much of a talker until you mention literature,” I laughed, gesturing over to Loki before offering my hand.

The soldier took it and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my hand. I knew it was what was considered respectful and courteous at the time. Loki still did it to me when we were in the company of others. The soldier lifted his head and released my hand, “it’s a pleasure to meet you, Eva,” he stated before turning his attention over to Loki once more and sticking out his hand for him to take, “Loki...that’s not a common name,” he noted, trying out the name on his tongue.

Loki chuckled, “I’m not a common man,” he replied as he took the soldier’s hand and shook it.

“The name’s James, but most people just call me Bucky,” the soldier finally introduced himself before turning to the shorter man beside him, “and this is Steve, he’s like my unruly, rebellious sidekick who likes to look for trouble,” he teased his friend with a wide smile.

I smiled and stepped closer to the newly introduced stranger, “it’s nice to meet you, Steve,” I replied, reaching my hand out. Instead of taking it and kissing it, he just gave it a quick shake, and I could tell that he was nervous about the sudden introductions. The moment our hands touched, an electric current surged through my body, as if a piece of his very essence was transferred to me and a piece of mine was transferred to him. It was a strange occurrence, an event that had only happened a small handful of times in the past, but it always forged a powerful connection to the person it happened with. The energy surged through me as I felt his essence intertwine with mine, pieces of our souls coming together to form one. I wondered, for a moment, if he felt the same thing or something similar, and the sudden wonder in his eyes told me that he had experienced it as well.

He tried to shake off the awkward silence between us, his cheeks becoming flushed, “So, where are you two from? Your accents sound...foreign,” he asked, trying to propel the conversation forward after a powerful experience we both shared.

“Smooth,” Bucky teased him as he gazed up at the stage that was continuing to be prepared.

I smiled, “it’s alright. We’re from Westminster in England,” I lied, recalling a place Loki and I had visited dozens of times in the past. It’s not like I could tell him the truth, that Loki and I were from a completely different realm altogether, that there was life beyond Midgard. They would discover our existence at some point during the course of humanity, but it didn’t need to be today, “what about you? Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn,” he answered with a kind smile. It was clear that not many people gave him the time of day, but I wanted to. I wanted to learn everything about him because I was certain he would play a large part in my life. He gestured between Loki and I, “and you two are...married?” he asked, and I could sense the boyish bashfulness rising within him.

Bucky snickered, “wow, how subtle,” he teased Steve again.

“Not yet,” Loki answered before I had the chance to speak.

I furrowed my eyebrows at his confession, taken aback by his answer. Steve and Bucky raised their eyebrows as well, but I knew that their surprise came from the forwardness of it. They didn’t know Loki like I did. I knew that he was rather bold, but I just never expected that answer because I didn’t know if he truly wanted to marry me the same way I did him. We had been together for hundreds of years, the better part of a millenia, and he still hadn’t asked me to marry him. I cocked an eyebrow, “should I be expecting a question soon, or will I be waiting another thousand years?” I asked, teasing him about how long it had already taken him.

Bucky and Steve both laughed in unison, thinking that I was exaggerating the length of time I had been waiting. It was only slightly exaggerated, since our thousand year milestone wouldn’t happen for another 67 years. Loki’s grin at me caused my heart to flutter as I thought of how and when he would do it. After a short amount of banter between the four of us, Loki and Bucky began having their own conversation, leaving Steve and I with a comfortable silence that fell between the two of us. As we gazed up at the stage together in anticipation for the upcoming show that was sure to be put on, I could feel his eyes on me. Loki made a habit of doing the same thing early in our childhood, before he even began courting me, but it remained something he did even after so long together. He would always watch me. It was never in a way that made me uncomfortable, but it was the same reason I watched him, to memorize every little piece of him, how the rays of the sun sat so delicately upon his eyelashes, how his slender fingers would swim through his raven black hair when he pushed it back into place, how every smile started at one corner of his mouth, how the tears rimmed his perfect blue eyes whenever he read something I wrote for him, or how his eyebrows pulled together in fascination whenever he looked at me. I committed every piece of him to memory just in case there was a day when he wasn’t mine, when his body returned home. Though I wished for us to meet our end together, I knew that one of us would outlive the other, and my selfish dream was that he would be the one to do so. I couldn’t bear a life without him, so even if he went before me, I wouldn’t be far behind.

As I felt Steve’s eyes on me, I also felt the familiar warmth of Loki’s gaze as well. His conversation with Bucky had become a conversation about me, and my suspicions were confirmed when I felt the unfamiliar eyes of the soldier on me again. I glanced over at Steve in an attempt to keep myself from blushing at the attention that I was getting. As soon as I turned my head to interact with Steve, our eyes connected, and a blush rose to his cheeks almost immediately. It was exactly what happened when Loki and I first began our relationship. He would be caught in the act of studying me, and his cheeks would flush with color in his bashfulness. It became less of an occurrence the longer we were together, but there were times when it presented itself once more. Steve glanced down at the ground, trying to seem like he wasn’t watching me only seconds prior. I smiled to myself, thinking about how endearing it was, but what he did next was even more shocking and endearing. He extended his hand with the paper bag filled with popcorn in an attempt to offer some to me.

That was the moment I knew.

That was the single moment I figured out exactly who Steve was, almost as if I could see straight into his very soul. It was one of the purest, most beautiful things I had ever seen in all my life. The innocence and innate goodness he had within him made me want to cry. There were only a handful of moments in my life that left me so emotionally overwhelmed, whether by the sheer beauty I witnessed or sorrow I felt, that left me unable to contain my tears. That was one of those moments. It felt like Steve and I were just made to find our way to one another, like we were created for the soul purpose to run into each other at some point, but the reason was unclear. With Loki, our bond with each other was clear, but with Steve, I didn’t understand it. Why us? Why him? As I tried to sort through it, he maintained his outstretched hand. I gave a polite nod and collected a few of the pieces of popcorn, maintaining eye contact with him and trying to suppress the smile that only continued to grow on my face.

Knowing that the only way to silence the parade of questions through my mind was to talk to him, I ate the popcorn in my hand and spoke, “what are you doing out here on a night like tonight? What brings you to the expo?” I asked, looking for any way to stop falling into a platonic type of love with him. It was the strangest, most unexpected feeling, but I could feel the love within me growing for him with every passing second. It was as if my soul recognized his, and I couldn’t help it.

He shrugged his shoulders, “well, it’s Bucky’s last night as a free man before he ships out. You know, he’s my best friend in the world, so when he wanted me to come out, how could I say no?” he asked, trying to minimize his act of kindness toward his friend. He forced himself to be uncomfortable just to make his friend happy. That was love, pure and untainted love. I smiled as he continued, “it’s not really my cup of tea, though. I’m not really into crowds, but I know it’ll make Bucky happy.”

Nodding my head, I reached out and grasped his arm, “everyone needs someone like that in their lives. He’s lucky to have you.”

He shook his head, not fully convinced by my words, “I think it’s the other way around. I’d be nowhere without Bucky. He’s the only family I have left after my mom died. He’s like a brother to me. I owe him everything. The least I could do was come out with him tonight,” he spoke, his voice soft and full of sincerity. Suddenly, a wide smile formed on his lips and he cast his gaze to the ground once more as a blush overcame his cheeks, “I mean, I got to meet you out of the deal, so it wasn’t all bad,” he complimented me with a quivering voice before trying to laugh off his clear embarrassment. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I realized just how genuine the compliment was, and I couldn’t help but step closer to him. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, and I didn’t take his compliment as a flirtatious one; all I wanted was to feel closer to the warmth his very essence provided. He was like the light of the sun-all encompassing, bright, and warm.

Before I could respond to Steve’s remark, the voice of a female announcer silenced the crowd, “ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark!” she announced, her voice leaving the audience even more lively than before. As the crowd began to cheer and applaud, the man who I presumed to be Howard Stark, the man of the hour, sauntered onto the stage wearing a tuxedo, a top hat, and a grin. The women on the stage all presented him, holding their arms out as he passed by them. One of the brunette girls stepped out of line to take his hat and trade off the microphone she had in her hand. As he took it, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and pulled her close before pressing his lips to hers in a quick, suggestive kiss. Once he wiped the lipstick from his lips, he spoke into the microphone, his voice echoing throughout the calming crowd, “ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

The two girls Bucky and Steve arrived with were two of the many people in the audience who covered their mouths and gasped. Loki and I shot a knowing glance at one another that this was no new technology to us, as Asgardians had perfected similar technology so long ago. However, it was a remarkable achievement for Midgardians to be making. I turned my gaze back at Howard Stark as the women who once stood in front of the car pulled the wheels off of it and walked away with them. He glanced out at the audience, holding the microphone up to his lips, “with Stark gravitic reversion technology, you’ll be able to do just that,” he promised before stepping aside and allowing everyone in the audience a clear view of the spectacle that was about to take place. With the flip of a switch and the press of a button, the car began hovering above the stage with a gentle hum. I glanced around at the small group I was with to see that everyone wore looks of pure astonishment at the idea of flying cars. No matter how advanced our technology was, Loki was still impressed by the humans, just as I was. They showed great promise, and that was one of the many reasons why we swore to protect them.

Howard’s eyes scanned the crowd as he looked truly proud of what he had accomplished. I watched him intently as everyone else watched the car. All I could do was study how his pride grew more and more as he witnessed what kind of reactions he could elicit with his own genius. Suddenly, without warning, his eyes connected with mind, and his scanning of the audience stopped as those brown orbs focused on me. They felt familiar, like we had met before, like I knew him from another lifetime. I sensed something within these humans that felt surreal, like I could have been dreaming it. I had such an intense connection already to Steve, and I knew Bucky on a level that should have been impossible, given that we had only spoken a handful of words to one another. Then, there was Howard. All we shared was a prolonged moment of eye contact, but something within me came to life in that moment, and I knew that this would be the beginning of something. What that something was, though, I had no clue. All I knew was that Howard and I-like Steve and I, or like Bucky and I-would be bound by a silken cord that was strong as a chain of steel that would never break.

The one thing that pulled our gaze from each other was the sudden crash that came from behind him, and my eyes found the car now on the floor where it had once been hovering over. The crowd gasped but slowly started to clap, and I did the same. It was a true accomplishment, regardless of how long the car managed to hover. He was the first Midgardian to discover that technology, and while there was no way he would be the last to tamper with it, he made waves on that night. He chuckled into the microphone, laughing off his “failure” before speaking, “I did say a few years, didn’t I?” he asked, his eyes flickering to mine again before winking at me.

As the expo continued, Howard showed off more impressive technology that he was working on, but nothing was more impressive than his persistence, considering he didn’t even know who I was. Every chance he got, it seemed like he caught my gaze, and the playfulness would sneak into his brown orbs. I could sense a childlike wonder about him, something I hadn’t experienced much, especially not with the Midgardians. However, Howard seemed to exude those playful, childlike qualities just as much as his confidence and self-assured attitude. Once Howard’s portion of the expo was finished and the crowd applauded him, I felt the sudden absence of Steve’s warmth as he broke away from the group without a word. I wondered to myself if something had happened that upset him, or if he just needed to be alone. Bucky smiled to himself, “hey, Steve, what do you say we treat these girls to…” his voice trailed off as he turned around to see that Steve was no longer present. He sighed to himself, and I could sense his distress. I knew that he only wanted a night with his friend, especially considering the hell he was about to walk into.

Then, there were screams.

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years

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Michael in the Mainstream: Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel is one of the MCU’s most powerful characters right now, one of the few heroes who can even have a hope of defeating Thanos, so of course she needs to have a movie. Throwing in a bunch of heroes into an ensemble film without properly setting them up is what amateurs do, and at this point Marvel is no amateur; they know how to properly set up heroes… kind of. You see, Marvel Studios has a bit of a problem when it comes to origin films: they’re all very, very similar, very formulaic, and sometimes even predictable. That’s not to say they’re bad, far from it! Films like Black Panther, Ant-Man, and Doctor Strange are all rather formulaic but they all have interesting twists to the formula that makes them feel fun and exciting. Marvel is a lot better with quirkier fare, ensemble movies, and sequels than they are with solo origin films, Iron Man notwithstanding, but they usually find a way to make things feel fresh.

Captain Marvel… does and doesn’t achieve this. Captain Marvel is probably the most “Marvel” Marvel movie yet made; it feels like a film they would have released a decade ago, during Phase 1 or Phase 2. And there is actually a good reason for that; this movie has been in the plannig stages for a long, long time, but racist, sexist, cheapskate CEO Ike Perlmutter wouldn’t let this film be made because he didn’t think non-white, non-male leads could sell (a laughable sentiment when looking at superhero films nowadays), only relenting to let the film be made if Kevin Feige made an Inhumans movie, which fell through when Feige managed to get rid of the meddler and get him exiled to the Marvel TV department. This film has been a long time coming, and it feels like it.

But I can’t say the film is bad; it’s most definitely not, and there’s a lot to love in the film. At the same time though, it’s easy to see why someone might not find themselves sucked into this; it’s a film coming out in Phase 3 that feels like it belongs in Phase 1. Where it would have been one of the best Marvel films of the early phases, it struggles a bit to stand out in the current MCU where the past few films have been nothing but home runs, and competing superhero cinematic universes have also been producing quality films, with Spider-Verse and Aquaman in particular bringing a lot of new stuff to the table. It just feels like Captain Marvel is almost irrelevat in the current landscape aside from introducing Carol Danvers to the MCU.

And yet… this is still a good, fun movie, because it delivers exactly what it promises, and it does the one thing I consider the saving grace of any film that would otherwise be average: it is wholly, unabashedly cheesy.

So let’s talk about what I loved first. The Skrulls are easily the very best part of the film, particularly Talos. Talos is one of the most interesting and complex antagonists in the MCU so far, and there’s a lot more to him than it initially seems. Just the fact that in general the Skrulls are now part of the MCU is absolutely delightful, as it seemed for so long they’d be exiled from continnuity due to Fox owning the rights to the most famous Skrull, Super-Skrull, due to his close ties to the Fantastic Four (though this is no longer a problem). To say much more about what makes the Skrulls so great would be to spoil one of the few genuinely good twists the movie has to offer, but it is a pretty neat twist on what you’d expect from Skrulls.

Carol herself, as played by Brie Larson, is a mostly enjoyable character. I think Carol is a bit shaky right now, having to deal with the tired amnesia plot and not getting to use her powers all that much, but for the most part she’s an enjoyable hero. I think she’ll fare a lot better in ensemble films and sequels, because Larson does a really good job, it’s just that so much of the movie is spent with her being limited. However, this is mitigated by the fact that she has great chemistry with Samuel L. Jackson, and pretty much every scene with Fury and Carol interacting is amazing. Speaking of Jackson, the effects used to de-age him are nothing short of stunning; you can’t even tell its CGI, it’s that good. Far better than the de-aging effects used in films like Rogue One, that’s for sure

The soundtrack is pretty good, though sometimes it’s a bit too on-the-nose. The usage of “Come As Your Are” is so literal it hurts, and the usage of “Just a Girl” is so utterly cheesy. But I think stuff like this helps add to the film’s charm, as does the fact that this movie is honestly, genuinely funny, especially due to the aforementioned banter between Carol and Fury, as well as the presence of Goose the cat, who Fury dotes over and who plays quite an amusing and cool role in the film, shockingly enough. Goose might be one of the best characters in the film honestly, which is not often something you hear about a pet cat.

Of course, not everything is perfect. A lot of the action is nauseatingly shaky and weirdly poorly choreographed, with the exception of the final battle and perhaps Carol’s escape from the Skrulls near the start. For a superhero movie, having such wonky action is inexcusable, though thankfully there’s not too much fighting… or not thankfully, since again, this is a superhero film, the sort of film where you expect superhero action. It’s not all bad, but when it gets bad it gets really bad.

There’s also the underutilization of characters. You know how the return of Ronan and Coulson was hyped up? Well, unfortunately for everyone, both of their screentimes are incredibly limited to the point they are essentially cameos, though Ronan feels like a cameo moreso than Coulson. Korath, too, is a bit wasted, though he at least gets a little more prominence with him being part of Carol’s initial squad, though he’s still not exactly focused on to any great extent. It just feels so pointless to have these actors come back to these roles if they’re essentially playing meaningless bit parts, especially in the case of Korath and Ronan, seeing as we know they end up dying anyway. It just seems like a huge missed opportunity to do something with these characters.

And of course, the whole amnesia plot kind of holds things back. Not that it’s done poorly, but it is a tired trope that is tricky to pull off, and considering Carol’s amnesia holds back the plot and holds her back from using her powers to any great extent, it does feel like more of a burden than anything that leads to interesting developments. It doesn’t help that most of the stuff revealed over the course of her rediscovering who she is is stuff that you could easily figure out on your own from nothing more than promotional material and the obvious hints throughout the film; it just feels like a contrivance to keep Carol in a weakened, vulnerable state instead of letting her let loose. Say what you will about Superman movies, but he at least gets to be Superman for vast swaths of the film in his origin story movies. Here, Carol’s big Captain Marvel moments really only come at the end, though I can’t stress enough that the final battle is a pretty cool sequence.

Still, nothing in this movie is done excessively poorly; there’s nothing here as bad as the Iron Man sequels or Thor: The Dark World. On the other hand though, there’s nothing here as innovative or impressive as in Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, Black Panther, or Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, with the exception of the Skrulls. There’s a lot of good elements here, obviously, but most of the stuff really just doesn’t elevate this movie to greatness; it’s merely a good, even very good film, but not as great as it should be nor as bad as some make it out to be. And this isn’t entirely the film’s fault; as I said, Perlmutter’s meddling did keep this on the backburner for a long, long time, so it’s frankly amazing the film is any good at all.

Really, whether you love or hate this is going to boil down to how much you can tolerate cheesiness. I live and breathe cheesiness, I have been exposed to cheese since I was young, so of course I’m pretty fond of this film. I’m also a huge fan of Skrulls so it’s a given I’d like a film with them in it. But if you don’t like this film, if you just don’t connect, well, it’s hard to blame you. It’s not an amazing or groundbreaking film, and really that’s a shame, because it could have and should have been. But on the other hand, not every film needs to exist to break new ground, not every film needs to change the world… sometimes films can just exist and be good.

Captain Marvel is a film that has attracted a lot of controversy, vitriol, and debating over it, making it one of the most controversial superhero movies in recent memory. Beyond that sentence I’m not going to even bother addressing any of that, because it is all the most idiotic drivel I have seen in regards to film in years. This is an utterly harmless superhero movie through and through, and any argument otherwise is just pointless drivel.

I really wish this could have come out years ago, because this would have been a game-changer back when superhero films were first breaking through. In this day and age? It’s just a good, fun movie, nothing less. I have faith Carol’s next outings, in Endgame and her inevitable sequels, will be a lot stronger and more polished and full of interesting developments, but her first outing is simply a fun time before the inevitable heartbreak and mindblowing that Endgame promises. I’m kind of okay with that; it’s nice to have a little calm before the storm.

#Michael in the Mainstream #review #movie review #Captain Marvel #MCU #Marvel #superhero movie #Brie Larson #Samuel L. Jackson #Nick Fury

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davidjjohnston3 · 3 years

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Might be last 'typing for a while... I f--king hate myself for not taking that job; the principal was sincere; they called my former employer. The landscape was beautiful like 'The Place Promised in Our Early Days' with the dark pines. Paju is a center of the publishing industry although books / fiction and the whole 'condition of fiction' by which people think their own children, neighbors, selves etc. are anime characters is pozzed from here to Eternity along with personality-politics. There is a poem or 'hymn' or 'psalm' or 'cry of the heart' I wish I could write spurred partially by Servants of Christ's video with the river in Korea and 'I Need Thee Ev'ry Hour. I don't know why I took myself for a failure for so long or put down roots in this poisoned Babylon when in retrospect people were sending me little 'Evangelical Satanism' messages in the form of brand-slogans et cetera for like 5 years instead of reasoning honestly. That's why I sincerely say nuke Milwaukee - that's not pedagogy, neighborliness, love, family, friendship. It's nothing but a swap-meet. I got sad today looking at a picture of a celebrity from a famous rigged girl-group that I always defended the rigging of due to aesthetic opinions about 'composition' and realizing something that my college girlfriend's roommate realized about her back in the day but then I felt, 'The condition of prostitution in some respects is preferable to the condition of Germanic / Teutonic purism, which leads to pedophilia and homosexuality on the one hand and mass-murder on the other.' Moreover you can just look at a f-cking hostess-bar and talk and it prepares one for love IMO better than Western movies although I don't know anymore. I wanted to cancel all my projects like 'Stepfather' (about a teacher getting sick of his colleagues for innuendos, careerism, negativity in the lounge, everything that ppl KNOW is bad but no one ever fixes)... just 'cause I don't know if I can even live and moreover I started to intuit the different endings idle vain people would want to see. I keep saying again and again a key component of the 'Covid culture wars' is 'anti-belief' as well as people's wanting to duel one another to the death over past grievances micro or macro. At day's end and at bottom 'anti-belief' - or attempting to convince people that truth is a lie; ex. that Koreans are unreal - compels people to pare themselves down to their ultimate solipsism or, I realize, inability to distinguish Flesh from Spirit in any fruitful and abiding way. I was reflecting on how talking about 'The Meaning of Marriage' led someone to cohabitate which totally failed for me as well as wondering whether my gifting this book was interpreted as a 'magic sign' rather than simple no-hidden-message offering. One thing I loved about Koreans at least at my first job was there were no hidden messages at least from the senior administration. I drove to Bethlehem College and Seminary and felt a power radiating from the church but am in no position to assist them or join their Global Studies program which I'd wanted to intellectually. I haven't really done anything with my life but study EAS, K-Studies, languages, etc. I had visions and dreams of stealth-bombers honestly, Russian drills planting nuclear devices deep in the Earth to destabilize the orbital axis - Putin could kill any or all of us at any time, I am convinced. I wondered if the Russians or 'Varangians' were the 'last people.' They decide. In Milwaukee, in Germany people joke about things like Hitler's dog, racism, homosexuals and amuse themselves waiting for people to get hoist by their own petard.I also remembered how for years I thought about Cordelia in 'King Lear' but despite reading this play like 30 times I still don't understand completely how a 'Christology of Cordelia' could be articulated to make people understand their blindness to Charity.Also related to Mary HK Choi's 'Yolk,' a novel which disappointed me but which I felt could be one of those 'ultima novels; last words.' I keep remembering despite whoever wants to make me forget that Covid is or was an opportunity to pursue better international relations / build connections and relations not dependent on blind policies like IMO American NK policy or other official diplomacy. I had big dreams about avoiding war as well as people holding goods more in common by my attempts to donate a few laptops and some money stripped me of my net worth and were not proportionately matched. Everyone seems so determined to live their own story and cling to things when they could be dead in 24hrs from Delta variant Covid 19 and everyone knows it. Tornadoes, hailstorms. Man spent the last hundred years of more building trillions of dollars of weapons of war while schooling problems are the same as they were back in 1881 - as are the problems faced by graduates particularly orphans and minorities and, also, any intellectual in a society which still despises these three categories. Maybe I just gave people dreams in the past and maybe I was too free in the past or stopped wearing the right clothes too soon. I gave up on the future long ago - I reflected recently as I had always felt but not articulated - that as Koreans say the favored child is favored outside the home so too the hated child is hated - but I kept getting chances even without understanding others' points of view to be a part of their past. But I don't even know if Education is the point or Build Back Better or anything like that when 4 million people died and the '3rd world' variants from India as well as South America are basically destined to come to the 1st world. I tried to convince people that there could be a beautiful future in which everyone lived more lovingly, courageously et cetera and rediscovered God. I also felt, however, from a long time ago that when it comes to US Korea policy and perhaps to the salvation or deliverance of America's domestic population from a worse Covid variant the most caring organization literally is the military and not any philanthropy; I don't know if anyone else could step in, though by that same token, I was thinking about IXK / anti-racism which I embrace as an alternative to Obamaism, and couldn't help feeling like the 'Grand Alliance' of this day has something to do with abortion-culture (which [Chancellor] John Piper summarizes as men playing God the Father and the strong preying on the weak; and for which I formulated the term 'unconditional evil' or the attitude that powerful men possess a lifelong veto over the lives and wellbeing of anyone else), though coefficient with race-relations or rather 'recognition' of other people as beautiful, beloved, perhaps chosen. I was telling someone 'Language is a phenomenological...' My favorite songs other than 'I Need Thee,' 'This Is My Father's House,' some older stuff, have been 'Make Me Love You' by Kim Taeyeon which is a song about the 'shared gaze' and 'Clover' by Fromis which embodied my desire to help kids 'get life right the first time' through teachers and structures that would 'save people from themselves.' But then my mind traveled to Japan, swords, halberds, maidens, all kinds of new birth-defects and problems in the new age, and I couldn't help feeling that some things will be very much the same and in a way it is my fault for losing my fire. I'm dreaming in dark red and am incredibly frustrated reading Eric Feigl-Ding on Twitter that the West - Canada, America, UK - is perpetrating this corporatist mass-sacrifice.. I want to just fly away to KR where at least they count the bodies honestly but wish Americans would go home, get married, go to Church more often. Everyone seems so unwilling to put their stories on hold or discard their fetishes / idols (Healthcare, Money / Mammon, Science, The Past, Ultimate Communist Utopian Social Justice, Almighty Meritocracy...). Some ambrosial(?) explosion, the Face of Jesus, with or without me may the 'Grand Alliance' prevail.

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wineanddinosaur · 4 years

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VinePair Podcast: What Makes a Wine “Good”?

You’ve seen the headlines: “The Legendary Study That Embarrassed Wine Experts Across the Globe” and “Wine-tasting: it’s junk science.” These articles, and many others, address the notion that experienced wine drinkers, be they sommeliers, winemakers, or other professionals, struggle to produce consistent results when blind tasting — particularly when subjected to certain tricks or confounding factors. However, since it is clearly not the case that all wine is interchangeable, how do we determine what makes wine good or bad?

That’s what Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe dive into in this week’s VinePair Podcast, prompted by a listener question: “Can we objectively determine what makes a wine ‘good?’” If so, are blind tastings and wine competitions the best way to go about determining that? We cover all that and more on this week’s episode.

LISTEN ONLINE

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OR CHECK OUT THE CONVERSATION HERE

Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: from Jersey City, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. What’s going on today? How are we doing? Feeling OK?

E: Yeah. Doing alright. It’s getting cold here, but that’s our weather topic that some people complain about.

A: I didn’t even notice. I thought it was warm, but anyways …

Z: Well, when you never leave your house, the temperature doesn’t change a whole lot.

A: No, but I mean, you guys get into anything cool recently? I know we always talk about at the top now what we’re drinking, but before we get into that, is there anything else on your minds, or do we just want to get right into talking about drinks?

E: Man, it’s been work and drinks and moving. So I don’t have much beyond that.

Z: Yeah. I’ve been grappling with, and Erica I’m curious about your thoughts on this, I’ve been grappling with whether to take my son trick or treating this year. He’s just over 2. So he’s not really old enough to anticipate Halloween.

We did it last year, but he didn’t really know what was going on and it’s not like he could eat candy this year. We would maybe give him a tiny little bit, and I’m sure he would enjoy some of it, but it’s a really shitty year to talk about going to other people’s houses and knocking on the door.

A: Are they allowing it?

E: I don’t know if places are able to forbid it, really. But I think that I’ve seen some advertising for festivals and these things are just going to be packed. And so I think we’re going to skip it this year and we may do a little backyard thing with some friends, but I think it’s just going to be very small. And, I think we’re just going to recycle last year’s Halloween costumes for the kids.

Z: Yeah. I mean, again it’s the privilege of having a kid this age, he doesn’t know what he would be missing out on yet. So if there were a year where we weren’t doing anything, I don’t think he would really care. We had a costume picked out, so we’ll dress him up in that. And I don’t know. Maybe we’ll go for a walk. I think there are people talking about ways to do socially distanced trick or treating. And I think if I had a 7-year-old that might be more of a thing that I felt I needed to do for them. ‘Cause they would probably not appreciate missing a Halloween, but with a 2-year-old, we’ll just start at 3, I guess.

E: Yeah.

A: Yeah. And that’s not my problem, but I am wondering if I’m supposed to have candy at my apartment, but I think our building is forbidding it. So I have no idea. Our buildings, they’ve been very careful. So I don’t think I’m going to see much of that this year. And then all the parties are not going to happen. So that’s a bummer. So I’m just gonna watch scary movies and try to freak myself out.

Z: Do you need any help freaking yourself out in 2020, man? Just turn on the fucking news.

A: No, I mean yeah. There’s “freak yourself out” in a way that’s fun to be scared, then there’s “freak yourself out” to be really, truly scared. I’m already really, truly scared. I mean, I don’t even want to think about this fucking election anymore.

I just want it to be over, obviously in a positive way. So yes, I’m freaked out in that way already. But I would rather just watch some scary creepy shit and think about that and go back to a time when that was the thing we were scared about. This idea that zombies could roam the Earth. So instead of the one that’s in the White House As we call them: The good old days, the good old days. Yeah. What are you guys drinking, though?

E: I just this week published a piece on VinePair that was about the Pinot Noir revolution in New Zealand. The central Otago Pinot Noirs that were actually the wines that I mentioned in last week’s podcast, really made me fall in love with wine.

So, I was sipping through some of those, and the top contender for me was Rippon, which is this beautiful winery right in Wanaka and it’s on this incredible lake. It’s one of the most photographed vineyards in the world. And the family there has been making wine for many generations.

It’s the Mills family Nick and Jo Mills are the winemakers and it’s incredible. I think if you saw this place online you would be blown away, but the family has been farming vines there for three generations. And it’s biodynamically farmed, it’s without irrigation on its own rooted vines.

I mean this wine that I’m drinking, which is their mature-vine Pinot Noir, is dense and precise. It’s got these incredible layers of flavors that evolve. It’s just this beautiful, beautiful wine. And it’s an example of one of the wines that I talk about that has really been a benchmark in the revolution of Pinot Noirs in Central Otago.

A: Very cool. Zach?

Z: Well, what have I been drinking? I think the thing that I’ve been drinking the most lately has been a lot of California Zinfandel. For some reason, around this time of year, fall into maybe the beginning of winter, is a time when I really start to transition into these more robust red wines, but Zinfandel to me, good Zinfandel has this characteristic where it’s definitely red wine. It’s pretty powerful. Some of them are pretty high in alcohol, but they have this interesting, fresh quality to them. That feels like a fall afternoon to me. And I dig it. And so, I think probably mostly some combination of Ridge, Turley, and Rafanelli ’cause those are the ones I tend to buy. But there are other great producers out there and when I got into studying wine, it was one of the things that you could get on a blind tasting exam and I was always, “Oh, Zinfandel who cares?” and a lot of other things that I thought, when I was younger and maybe more of an asshole, I’ve come back to and been like, what? I really actually like Zinfandel. It has a place and I enjoy drinking it from time to time.

A: Cool. So in the course of the last week, I on two separate occasions at two different bars, wound up ordering the Jungle Bird. And it’s a delicious cocktail and I’ve rediscovered it. I was like wow, how have I not had this more often? And I think it’s one of those cocktails where if you’re trying to understand tiki, it is just one of the easier ones to make.

It’s five ingredients. So it’s, it’s super simple, right? It’s Campari, rum — I mean, specified Jamaican, but whatever – simple syrup, lime juice, and pineapple juice, and it’s just absolutely delicious. And so, yeah, it’s just so funny that that happened to me twice in one week. And I was like well, why haven’t I been drinking this more? So I would encourage everyone else to drink more Jungle Birds. It also made me feel like I wasn’t stuck in New York, worrying about numbers rising. So that was also nice. That was also really nice.

So as we get into today’s topic, Zach, we had a little listener email recently that piqued our interest and made us talk about what we’re going to talk about today. So you wanna give a little summary?

Z: Absolutely. So thanks to Matt, for listening first of all, and then emailing us, which you all can do [email protected]. and his question was basically he’s seen these various stories — we’ve all seen these stories from time to time — that pop up on, whether it’s, social media, a publication we frequent, whatever, that essentially make some claim about one of two related things.

One is, “Oh, some study shows that wine professionals can’t tell the difference between good or bad wine in a controlled setting.” Or alternatively, “Oh, people who are rating wines for competitions; if you pour them the same wine twice, they’ll give it two different scores.” Or at least there is no strong correlation that if you have them taste the same wine multiple times, that they will give it the same score over and over again.

And, all of these pieces get at a fundamental argument, I suppose, which is that wine professionals are full of shit. And as to the wine professionals, I’ll be honest: For me personally, there’s a natural instinct to be a little defensive in these settings. And people are taking shots at what I do for a living in one form or another.

But, I think that it does raise a very interesting question that I think we’ll probably get to in a minute, which is, well, how do we decide if wine is good or bad? What is it? What is that about? And so I think maybe we can start by talking a little bit about these questions and these examples, and then we can each talk about what makes a wine good or bad to us. ‘Cause I think there’s room for different interpretations.

A: Yeah. I mean, so first of all, I’m not a professional. I’m an enthusiast or someone who’s interested, and loves wine, but I feel like that’s where a lot of this can get tricky. I think there is a lot about most things when it comes to food and drink that are subjective.

Do I think that it’s very easy to be able to tell something that’s mass-produced or just not well made? Yes, I absolutely do. I was just having this conversation earlier today with another writer, I think being able to pick out when something is definitely unbalanced or just bad when you’re judging a food competition, you’d be like you just didn’t follow a recipe.

You “overcooked the beef”-type thing right? That’s easy. And I think there is something to that. I do think, though, I’ve been in situations where I’ve watched wine competitions and things, judges judge things differently two times. And I think that I’ve been involved in conversations where there’ve been massive arguments between those judges in terms of what constitutes something as being good.

And every time the people never agree. There always seems to be a lot of subjectivity, which I don’t think is bad, which is why we’ve always said at VinePair you need to find a wine merchant you trust or another wine professional you trust. If you’re looking for someone to help you with discovery, follow what they like because it may be very different from what someone else likes.

And that’s OK. Unless you’re at a place where the one person at the top’s palate has been decreed to be the palate everyone is supposed to follow, which, we know was true with Robert Parker at Wine Advocate. We know to some extent it’s pretty true at Wine Spectator with Marvin Shanken’s palate.

But for the most part, it’s very subjective. Even among tasting groups in terms of what people’s palates say and what one person likes over another. So I don’t know. That’s why these studies are always really funny to me because of course people are going to have different opinions.

E: Yeah I’d say from my perspective, I think that you could break it down. So there’s the technical side of wine and winemaking, and that would be having high-quality grapes, but that’s some combination of vintage, the terroir where it’s planted, and probably the vintage conditions.

So, I think I’ve seen a quote somewhere from Mondavi, who said you can never make great wine from mediocre grapes, but you can make mediocre wine from great grapes, or something like that. But the point being that you have to have the good material to create a great wine.

You can’t ever start out with bad material, bad grapes, and end up with a fantastic wine. It’s just not possible. So, you’ve got high- quality grapes, that’s a threshold. And then I think there’s great winemaking, so winemaker’s skill. And when winemakers were focused on making a wine that really expresses a sense of place, I think those wines, to me, stand out.

So those are the tangibles. And then I think the intangibles are this style or this X factor of wine, which is very personal. It’s the reason that some people collect first-growth Bordeaux wines, while others are coveting the grand crus of Burgundy. People just like different styles of wine.

Both of them are super-high-quality wines, some of the best wines in the world. but some people look for opulent wine. Some people look for mineral-driven wines. Some people want wines that are precise and detailed. Other people want power. So these are all qualities in wine that some love and others like.

And in a competition setting, you can really see that come through. So in a lot of the competitions that I’ve judged, you may be trying 60 wines in a day. And there’s no question that there’s some palate fatigue and after a while, things are starting to really, taste alike and then you’re looking for the outlying wines but do those outliers denote quality? I don’t know.

So there’s a lot of questions in that. And I think one successful thing I’ve seen competitions do is to have six or eight tasters tasting through the same flights of wine, and the top and bottom scores are thrown out. And then there’s a discussion with all the other judges about the numbers that remain.

So what number can you get to? Let’s say it’s judged, someone gives it a 90 and someone gives it an 84 and the 84 isn’t budging. So, sometimes you’ll go back and forth. You can go back and forth for a while defending the different attributes of that bottle.

And then sometimes it’ll get taken out of the room and they’ll say OK, you guys are done. This room can’t come to an agreement and it will be taken to a different team of tasters. So I think that’s one successful way that I’ve seen of mitigating that bias. But yeah, I mean there’s a huge amount of subjectivity in wine that is the beauty of wine, frankly.

Z: Yeah. Well, I think Erica, your example of competitions, ’cause I’ve judged a number myself, too, is a really good one and an important thing for our listeners, especially those who maybe don’t have as much personal experience with that to take note of, is blind competitions, in my opinion, are pretty much worthless.

A: I agree. I’ve judged plenty.

Z: And the honest truth of it is, Erica has given a very, very, professional, explanation of how these things are handled. But honestly, a lot of the competitions I’ve been a part of, it’s “Here is your day-long slate. Here are hundreds of wines potentially, or at least a hundred wines.”

A: Yeah when you said 60, Erica I was like, “Whoa, that’s a very good number. I’ve judged 300 in one day.”

E: That’s too much.

A: Way too much. But they don’t want to turn anyone away who wants to pay to submit. So anyways, sorry, Zach?

Z: That’s OK. No, no, you’re bringing up good points. One of them is that many of these are pay-to-play competition in the first part.

And the second part is, as Erica said, as we’ve all said in one way or another on this podcast and previous ones, wine, as with all things drinks-related, is inherently, at least largely, subjective. And I do think, and maybe we’ll come to this in a minute, that there are some objective criteria that can to some extent delineate bad wine from good wine.

But frankly, a lot of those things are hard to distinguish. In the context of a wine competition, the things Erica talked about, the provenance of the grapes, whether wines are made in an organic way or made from organic grapes or, what labor practices the winery uses.

I mean, sadly those things don’t often or always translate into the glass, especially blind. And so, I think informed buyers and consumers, and frankly journalists, should be aware of those things in most settings. But the point of wine competitions or wine judging is to strip all that away and just put the wine in the glass and have you rate them.

And again, I don’t really know what the point of it is, right? Because, and this comes back to something that I came to when I was working as a sommelier, and became a very important thing for me when I talked to and trained servers, and talked to guests frankly, which is: Everyone wants to know, Oh, what’s the best wine?

And I mean that whole concept is to me ridiculous. And you think about it and in many of the other aesthetic pursuits that we take on, I mean, who says, what’s the best painting on the planet? You can say well, such-and-such van Gogh sold for the most money at auction, but I don’t think any of us would say, that’s a criteria that we want to stick to.

There are the most expensive wines on the planet. I don’t think those are inherently the best, we could say. There are the rarest wines on the planet. Again, I’m not sure those are the best. There could be a wine that gets the highest score in a review setting or in a judgment setting.

And again, I don’t think those are particularly inherently good because the beautiful thing about wine is we don’t have to pick just one, right? You can drink lots of different wines in a given day, in a given year, in a given lifetime. And when we get too fixated on, well, is this better than that? To me, you lose the point of the whole thing. Again, it’s just if you only could look at one painting for the rest of your life, it would be a really shitty life. Thank God we’re not stuck with that.

A: At least it might be a painting that you like, right? So maybe it’s the wine you like. I think your painting example is a really good one. So I learned something recently about the gallery world and I never knew this, and I think that it’s really applicable to wine because I find people can understand.

I think a lot of us really understand that we don’t understand art. Right? And that there are some people that claim to in certain ways, whatever. And a lot of people feel intimidated by art. I never realized that there are some painters who are at this point on the market selling, let’s say a million dollars apiece, right, that are not considered to be serious enough to ever be shown in a museum. And that sometimes that’s a career choice that an artist has to make. Right. Make art that is serious enough that museum curators take it seriously, but maybe collectors don’t because it’s not pop-y enough or it’s not, in the style of the day right now.

So they don’t make that kind of work. They make work that shows their sense of place, if you will. But they’re not ever going to sell for millions of dollars, or maybe it’s going to take a long time throughout their career until they get there. Whereas there are certain people that immediately come on the scene, and make millions of dollars.

The market throws them up, up, up, up, up. We know lots of wines that that’s happened to, too. But there’s people that just never think that artist is serious and that artists may, or may never have a major show or if they do it may come only because eventually the market’s just so robust.

And the example for me is Murakami. Right? The market’s just so robust that finally the Brooklyn Museum decides to do a show. Because they feel, well, now we’ve got to bring people in because they’ve all heard about this person. So I think that that can happen as well in wine.

Just because a bunch of people are excited about it, doesn’t mean it’s the best wine. It means that there’s a bunch of people that will tell you about it. There could be other people that aren’t excited about that wine. And one of the things — could also be a podcast we title “What’s Wrong with Wine Competitions?” but, I mean it is interesting, first of all, I’ve never been in a wine competition where one personality doesn’t dominate the table. Usually, it’s the person who is either the MS or whatever, that everyone just defers to. And I don’t mean dominate, they can be “bullyish,” just that people start deferring to them because that’s just what happens, and group-think takes over the table usually most of the time.

And also there’s always disagreement about what was a flaw and now may not be a flaw, right? There’s a lot of people that still very strongly believe that brettanomyces are a flaw. And then if that’s on the wine that the wine should get scored poorly. There’s now other people, because of the explosion of natural wine, that think that that is an acceptable characteristic and that it adds to the complexity of the wine.

And I’ve seen fights breakout. Among people who’ve been like, I don’t agree with you. You’re wrong. The winemaker allowed a flaw to come into the wine, the wine is flawed. The wine should be sometimes thrown out. And then the people who say, no, this is adding complexity. This wine to me is a 95. So I think that just illustrates that it’s very hard.

And when we start saying, this group likes when these things happen, and these scores happen, it can be very difficult. Which is why I think the only way that it works is when it’s one individual critic or one individual person and you’ve come to trust them. Right. So you tend to agree with their palate and you bought other things that they’ve recommended.

And then you’re like, OK, cool. So for example, Keith, our tastings director, I like what Keith likes to drink and everything that I’ve ever had that he’s rated well I thought was absolutely delicious. So I’m going to keep trusting the things that he recommends, but you could find someone else that is a polar opposite of Keith and recommends things that Keith never recommends, and follow that person instead. And I think that’s more of what’s true in terms of when you’re looking at wine scores or wine reviews, than just thinking that one person’s — Keith’s 100 must mean that everyone else would agree that the wine’s at 100.

Z: I also think an important point to remember here, and this question I specifically wanted to ask Erica, is setting and context are hugely important for how we enjoy wine and that, to come back to the question that Matt posed at the beginning, some of these studies, not so much judgings, but either actually scientific or quasi-scientific studies are trying to get at, can people actually distinguish between things? From a sensory perspective, wine, in particular, is something that is so sensitive to the context in which you enjoy it. I mean, Adam, you and I did a podcast a while back about, talking about glassware and whether that shit mattered. And I think we mostly said no, but if you get your wine served to you — and I’ve had this experience and Erica I’m wondering if you’ve had it — if you go to one of these sensory labs where people are learning about wine more academically, you can do these things where you get wine poured to you in a black glass. So you can’t tell the color of it at all. Or you can get wine served to you in a room that they’ve completely purged of any smells. So there’s literally nothing in there. There’s nothing else in there that you could get confused by. Or you can get wines with various extracts added to them that affect that smell or taste. Have either of you ever had that experience?

E: I haven’t tried that in a sensory lab, but I have sipped out of black glasses before just to see what it would be like. And from my perspective, I think it is very reliant. Trying two wines, one in a black glass, and one in a glass where you can see through. I think our brains function in a way of — we’re very predictive. So you look at a glass of red wine, for example, and you’re already thinking of red berries, blackberries. You’re thinking through the different flavors that you’re about to encounter.

And when you’re just sipping from a black glass, you can be smelling it, but then you’re questioning what you’re smelling. So you’re wondering if really those things were there. When you see it in the clear glass you’re pretty sure that it’s there. So then you feel much more confident in making that assertion about what’s in the glass. Because no matter what, if you go with whatever the characteristics of red wines are there is no wrong answer. Everyone tastes a little bit of something different. And if you were to say, no, no, no, this is all red fruit. This is raspberry and currant and whatever. And someone else was oh, no, no, I’m getting plums all the way. It’s not like someone would tell you that you’re wrong.

A: Right.

Z: I agree. And I think also, to that point, this comes back to this whole question of these attempts at disproving wine expertise, no one drinks wine out of a black glass in a dark room for pleasure.

So I mean, this comes back a little bit to a gripe that I have in general, which is: There are some objective things that you can say about wine and maybe some things that I think that most people would say are hallmarks of quality, versus maybe not hallmarks of quality, but so much of this is experiential and driven by everything else around us and our enjoyment or lack of enjoyment of a wine is driven, not just by what’s in the glass, but who we’re with what we’re eating. If we are eating, how hungry or how tired we are, are we angry already? All this other stuff is so important to our experience, not just with wine, of course, with almost anything.

But to say that because you can fool people through whether it’s opaque glassware or misleading scenarios or all that stuff like of course, right? None of us are a sensory machine. We are not designed to be able to consistently respond to the same sensory stimulus the same way. Life would be very boring if we did that. So again, I think that there’s an attempt in these things to discredit the idea of expertise and look, a little bit of taking the piss out of wine professionals is fine, we can be a pompous group in general. So I don’t mind that, but I do think that it’s important to still note that that doesn’t mean that there isn’t any difference between wines. Wines are different things and there are different levels of quality. And some of that quality is objective in some sense. Some of it is maybe aesthetic or even political.

You might consider organic wine to be an important thing to champion because of what it means for the future of agriculture on our planet. And you might be willing to say that an organic wine is inherently better, even if taste-wise it’s indistinguishable. I think I would maybe make that argument, frankly, but again, to come to this idea that because you can trick people it means that there is no such thing as expertise is, I think, silly. Even if many of the applications for that expertise are, I think, also silly.

A: So I agree with you, but I think we have to also wonder why is there this obsession amongst other publications – usually not publications that write about spirits, wine, spirits, et cetera, but among the Buzzfeeds of the world, et cetera, to publish these articles about how so-and-so got tricked.

And I think what it comes down to is that there is this lack of — something we can all learn — there’s this lack of willingness amongst professionals in a lot of areas to admit when they are wrong or just aren’t really sure. Or, maybe could see someone else’s preference compared to theirs.

And because that doesn’t happen that often in a lot of industries where someone is paid to be an “expert,” people want to go after them. So that’s why it happens so often. I mean, I think about, I think we’ve talked on the podcast, Zach, about that one sommelier on Instagram a few years ago, who had posted a bottle, a very famous bottle of wine. And someone said they were pretty positive that it was a counterfeit. And the somm responded, “Don’t tell me, I’ve drunk so many of these wines” and it was DRC. You know what I mean? They could have just written back, “Hey, that’s a really interesting point, I’ll have to look into it.” or “Not sure, it definitely tasted like it to me, but you could have a point.” It turns out, actually, that later on someone realized that they saw the markings, and it was one of the counterfeit ones. But it’s just that unwillingness to just say, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m wrong,” or “I totally see what your opinion is,” as opposed to saying, “Oh, I can’t understand why you like that. This is just not good.” I think that that is why other publications and other people want to see some of those personalities taken to task. ‘Cause it’s a fun environment to say so you don’t know everything. So stop making me feel shit about it.

E: Right. And I think the key thing for our listeners to know is that good wine is wine that you like. And as a professional, I find a special joy in finding the best value wines. So when I find Carignan wine from Broc Cellars in Berkeley, Calif., or something made from somewhere on the coast that delivers for under $20, I’m way more excited about sharing that with people and getting people excited about that wine, then I am about a $100 Barolo. It’s just a more exciting find for me to be like, “Here’s an amazing value. I love it. I hope you’ll love it.” And that’s, I think that’s where the joy of wine comes for me that maybe doesn’t come for other people. Because I dunno, I’m just not a trophy-hunter type of wine drinker. I do love to try good wines, but I just don’t think that, as a writer, as an editor, I get as much joy out of recommending expensive bottles. I just don’t.

Z: Yeah, and I think this is actually one last good point to come back to why there’s always such interest in terms of upturning the apple cart in wine. And it’s that we already have done that. The hierarchies that existed in the world of wine 40, 50, 60 years ago have largely been overturned. I mean, not necessarily price-wise because as Erica mentioned earlier, first-growth Bordeaux, grand cru Burgundy, those wines still sell for more money than basically anything else out there, maybe some Napa Cab, et cetera.

But from the consumption side and from where most people are oriented, which is not the collection market, the world of wine is much bigger than it used to be. The established hierarchies are much less meaningful in a lot of ways. And someone like Erica can legitimately reference and recommend a pretty obscure southern French variety — or actually maybe technically Spanish variety, from a place in California that most people have never heard of. And consider it to be on par with or better than a very famous wine region in Italy. And I don’t disagree with Erica at all. I think the point, though, is that when you have this world of, or lack of an established hierarchy, you have a lot of people who want to step in and say, “Ah, allow me to be the expert. Let me be the one who will reimpose hierarchy.” And a lot of people recoil against that. They don’t want to be told by someone who they don’t know and don’t trust that they’re wrong, and they want to continue to enjoy what they enjoy.

And that makes wine professionals, obviously, an area where people are already sensitive to the idea that they don’t know what they’re doing, because that’s something we all hear more than anything else from wine drinkers, it’s that they’re concerned they don’t know what they’re doing. So anything that helps level that playing field for them, I think is going to get clicks. It’s going to get us to talk about it. Does that make sense? And I get it, but I also agree with what Erica said, which is in the end, you as a wine drinker out there need to decide what you’re in this for.

And if you’re in this for enjoyment, then take everyone’s recommendations with a grain of salt. Or like Adam said, find a reviewer or a professional whose palate you seem to align with and try multiple people’s suggestions. Maybe you don’t like Carignan and you don’t like Erica’s recommendations, and maybe you prefer someone else’s. That’s cool, too. But I think what it comes down to is just, there’s so little point in just blindly following someone’s lead without fact-checking. But you can fact-check, or you can address these questions critically without dismissing the whole idea that anyone knows anything.

A: Exactly. It’s OK if you’ve been told that everyone loves Riesling that’s in the wine community and you don’t. That’s OK. And you shouldn’t be made to feel bad if that’s the case. That’s your preference. I feel we should be encouraged to like the things we like and get to explore those things in wine more, because that’s what’s going to make for a better wine community. As opposed to everyone being told that we have to gravitate to these core wineries or these core regions or whatever. And that that’s just the way, because that’s just going to continue to leave people out.

Z: Definitely. Absolutely.

A: All right guys. Well, this has been another very great conversation. I can’t wait to talk again next week. And for everyone out there, like Zach said, we love getting these emails. They’re great conversation starters for us. And oftentimes, they do turn into the topic of focus on a podcast. So please email us at [email protected] and let us know what you want to hear about. And Zach, Erica, I’ll see you here next week.

E: See you then.

Z: Sounds great.

A: Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy, and me, Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout-out to my co-founder, Josh Malin, and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: What Makes a Wine “Good”? appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/what-makes-wine-good/

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johnboothus · 4 years

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VinePair Podcast: What Makes a Wine Good?

LISTEN ONLINE

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

OR CHECK OUT THE CONVERSATION HERE

Adam: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: from Jersey City, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And in Seattle, Washington I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair Podcast. What’s going on today? How are we doing? Feeling OK?

E: Yeah. Doing alright. It’s getting cold here, but that’s our weather topic that some people complain about.

A: I didn’t even notice. I thought it was warm, but anyways …

Z: Well, when you never leave your house, the temperature doesn’t change a whole lot.

E: Man, it’s been work and drinks and moving. So I don’t have much beyond that.

A: Are they allowing it?

E: Yeah.

Z: Do you need any help freaking yourself out in 2020, man? Just turn on the fucking news.

A: Very cool. Zach?

A: I agree. I’ve judged plenty.

A: Yeah when you said 60, Erica I was like, “Whoa, that’s a very good number. I’ve judged 300 in one day.”

E: That’s too much.

A: Way too much. But they don’t want to turn anyone away who wants to pay to submit. So anyways, sorry, Zach?

Z: That’s OK. No, no, you’re bringing up good points. One of them is that many of these are pay-to-play competition in the first part.

A: Right.

Z: Definitely. Absolutely.

E: See you then.

Z: Sounds great.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: What Makes a Wine “Good”? appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/what-makes-wine-good/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/vinepair-podcast-what-makes-a-wine-good

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sabrinamichele · 6 years

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F is for Finding Yourself Again

Do you remember what it was like? When you were a kid. The summers that felt like they were endless…carefree days when things were much simpler. I’m not saying growing up isn’t without its own set of problems, but I think that most of us can look back at a younger version of ourself and miss that season of life. For me, I know that I can’t look back without it being bittersweet. But with that bitter, there is at least the sweet. I remember me as the incredibly goofy kid who practically lived in stretch pants (the incredibly ‘fashionable’ kind with stirrups at the feet…yes, regrettably, that was a thing) and fantastically mis-matched shirts from Goodwill, baggy sweatshirts, or some other combination of hand-me down clothing. Regardless of whether it was considered ‘fashionable’ or ‘cool,’ I remember I absolutely loved me…what I wore was just an extension of that; it honestly never even registered ‘til later when I was in high school that people could define you by the clothing you wore. I remember running down long hallways in high school, shoeless, so that when I stopped suddenly, mid-sprint, my socked feet would slide along the recently polished surface for what felt like forever (and what was probably just a few feet, looking back now); I remember the absolute sheer joy I felt in those moments…the laugh so hard your sides hurt kind of moments. I remember these moments now not wishing to be back there again, but to acknowledge and remember what it was like…to be that young, to feel that sheer joy, and what were some of the things that brought me so much happiness when things were so much simpler.

After my ex left I needed to remember. Remember that girl. Before the after…before the beginning…before him. I needed to find myself again…because the sad truth was that I wasn’t sure who that was anymore. So much of my identity had been wrapped up in being with my ex, my marriage. I think that if you give 100% of yourself towards your partner, your marriage, that it’s almost inevitable that it becomes a huge part of who you are, and your identity. So I can’t look back and say, “Wow. I wish I hadn’t done that.” No, that’s not at all what I’m saying. What I am saying is that I lost a huge part of my identity when my ex left, when ‘we’ ended. We shared more than the same zip code, the same towels, etc. We shared our fears with each other, our hopes and dreams for the future, our families, our friends (when you’ve been together that long it no longer becomes yours or mine, it becomes our family, our friends)…all of these things were broken when we split. Dreams that we had shared together since we had dated as teenagers…now had to be let go of. I can’t begin to tell you how much that hurt. Everything that had seemed certain a few months before, was now gone forever. Even though I didn’t know exactly what the future would look like, I had known that I would be facing it with him, and I knew we could get through it together. We had faced and gone through a lot together already: both my parents getting cancer (and surviving), jobs lost, a home lost, etc. My dream of having kids and raising them with this man…was gone. Not just that, but I then faced the possibility that, based on my age and how long it might take to find someone else again, I may never have the opportunity to have kids with someone. That is a much longer conversation that is really best saved for another day, but suffice it to say, a huge part of me felt like it had died that day, and in the coming days, with the realization of each dream that died with my marriage ending. So, I had to rediscover who I was now. And so I wanted to remember who I was before. What were some of the things I remembered about myself that I loved; and how can I get that carefree, happy-go-lucky, laugh out loud girl back?

How did I find her? I started finding her again by rediscovering all the things that I had loved, as well as discovering some new things I loved doing. By doing them, I found they brought me back those feelings of sheer joy; and each time I did those things, I felt just a little bit happier. I was, without maybe realizing it at the time, finding my ‘new normal.’ With each new thing I was doing (and loving) in my life, I slowly found this new Sabrina. And no, she isn’t the same girl that she was before, but I think, in many ways, she’s actually better. As much as it has hurt (time and time again), I wouldn’t be the strong, resilient, beautiful woman I am today had I not experienced every moment of the past thirty-three years. As odd as this might sound, I definitely believe I would never be as complete or as whole a person had I not gone through my divorce. Going through that has forced me to grow in ways I could have never imagined; so, despite what happened not being something I had ever wanted to experience, I will always be grateful for having gone through it. I was forced to grow, to learn, and to have my life stretched in ways I could never have seen possible before. I know I haven’t arrived, but I’m also left with this overwhelming feeling that I can (for the first time) truly live my life intentionally, completely, honestly, and with absolutely no regrets. How can I not be grateful for that?

With all that said, in all of the changes I was going through in re-finding and re-defining myself, it was also important to not lose sight of the pieces of myself that I shouldn’t let go of. The good parts. My closest friends sat patiently by watching the transformation, but a few also gently reminded me to try to not lose sight of the girl they knew, deep down. I will confess that it has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn these past two years. Discovering “What is it that I want?”…”What do I deserve?”, and not accepting less than that. I am, by nature, a giver, so I give, and I give, and I give…and sadly most of the men I have met simply know how to take, giving little to nothing back. As hard as that has been, I am proud of the fact that I am finally aware of this and now asking for what it is that I actually want and need. I am getting comfortable with being up front and honest about what I want, even if that means I lose that person in my life. I know that the right person will want those same things…and want to give them back.

Even almost two and a half years later I am still learning and I am still finding me. I think, in a way, we are all still finding ourselves, our entire lives…at least I hope so. I know that I want to always be continuing to learn and to grow in my life. If I could give someone heartfelt advice, based on what I’ve learned these past two years, on how to find yourself again, it would be this:

1. It’s okay to be selfish. This moment is about you. You have to put you first; no one else is going to do it for you. What do you want, today? What do you want your life to look like? What kind of people do you want to bring along on this new journey? (Choose carefully.) Don’t apologize for what it is you decide that you want. You don’t owe anyone anything. You are your own now. Embrace the beauty and liberating sense of freedom that comes with that. All you have to do is decide. So, decide. Then watch what happens next. 2. Be honest, always; with others and, most importantly, with yourself. You won’t do anyone any favors trying to be someone that you’re not, or telling them what you think they want to hear. So don’t. I’m not saying it’s always going to be easy, but I will say that it will always serve you well. In a world full of so many people who never truly learn how to be honest, if you can?…Well, you will attract those who will love your honesty, and who will be honest with you in kind. Life is too short to not be completely honest about who you are and what you want. Everyone else who isn’t is just wasting time, theirs and yours. 3. Be unapologetically you. I know you’re finding yourself again, but, deep down, you know what you want and what you’re comfortable with. Trust your gut, your intuition…if something doesn’t feel right, say no. If someone wants you to change, and it isn’t what you think is right for you, say no. You shouldn’t feel you have to change to be with someone. Granted, there are some changes you may want to make in your own life, but it should be a red flag if you start something with someone and they don’t like and/or want you to change something that is fundamentally you. You are unique, and amazing…even in your imperfections, you are imperfectly you…don’t ever feel like you have to change who you are just to be with someone. That person isn’t right for you. It is so true, as Stephen Chbosky put so well in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” I know it’s going to take time if you’ve never experienced that before…but trust that it will happen. You do deserve more. You deserve the best. Don’t accept anything less. 4. Never stop loving you. I know all too well what it is to have self doubts. But through all of it, don’t ever doubt that you are deserving of love. I know that someone who claimed to have loved you has left, and how much that hurts. But don’t for a second doubt that you are deserving of love. You are. And one day, you will have it again. Until then, keep loving you. Take this moment to give yourself all the love that you truly deserve. Buy yourself those flowers you love each week (guys: find your own equivalent here). Take yourself to that concert or movie you are dying to go to. Learn to have a relationship with yourself. Here is the hard truth: You will never be able to accept the love of another ‘til you have learned how to love yourself. I know that you know this…but I’m saying it because you need to truly get it. I want for you to experience that kind of love. I want it so much it hurts. Don’t settle for anything less in life. Please.

So, I’m still finding myself…but I’m incredibly proud of the woman I have seen walk away thus far. She is so much more today than I could have ever hoped for or imagined two years ago. Even if I still feel there’s so much more for me to learn, to grow in, I’m still proud as hell of the strong, resilient, and happy woman I am today. I’m only excited to see what's next for me. No matter where I end up in this incredible journey that is life, I can see the woman as a whole now, and not just as a half anymore…and I know she’s going to be just fine. More than fine. She’s going to do big and amazing things. Because she can, and she will. I just know it.

#finding yourself #vulnerable #my story #my truth #love #relationships #divorce #finding you #this is me #love my life #writer #writing #vulnerability

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somethinglantern2 · 5 years

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Tropes in manga and anime that I wish would stop, occur more, or be altered

I recently rediscovered my passion for manga/anime and because of that I rediscovered anime tropes so as the title says this is a list about personal tropes I wish would either happen more in the manga/anime community, stopped or not used so often, or altered a bit.

More what if episodes/ alternate universes- Some shows make arcs and even movies based on characters being in an alternate universe. I like this as not only do we get to see something mostly used for comics in something where continuity is key, but we get to see what could have been if something different had happened in that series. I think this should be used more, at least as either a filler arc or manga omake(s)

More interesting one shot episodes/adventures in filler arcs- Though some hate them, filler seasons/arcs can be interesting as not only do we get to see something new and original, but since the things in it aren’t going to be referenced later on, it gives the writers the chance to do whatever they want, though I hate it when the filler time is used to focus on one specific arc that is similar to what usually happens in the canon arcs instead of something different.

Personally I think instead of getting the same old, there should be more one shot episodes that explore something different, like what the characters do when there’s nothing big is going on or put them in a unusual situation like going to a dance in order to do a mission, or have the main cast go on multiple adventures in one arc instead of just one big one, kinda like in season 3 and 4 of Naruto though maybe not as many as that.

Other characters using skill main character uses- I find it kinda odd that in some action manga/anime series we never see many characters use abilities commonly found in there series, like how no one in Naruto uses the shadow clone jutsu as much as Naruto even though its a common jutsu, I know his version is different then others but still. I know everyone in these kind of series is suppose to have a specific skill set but I don’t see the harm of some people having some abilities as the main characters, though at the same time they shouldn’t do what One Piece is doing with Haki or make that character be a copycat. Maybe doing more of this could also make the show’s world a bit more realistic.

Stop 2-3 minute recaps at beginning of episode- I personally don’t see the purpose of anime episodes recapping what happened in the last episode in this day an age by replaying scenes from a previous episode following a intro, which can be pretty long in some. Sure it had its uses in the past when you couldn’t watch your favorites shows whenever but now that you can with ease its just seems like a waste of time, time that could be used to show more of the current story. Writers should either stop doing this or make recaps shorter, like Avatar the Last Airbender short.

More decisive fights between main/side characters- In a series when fights are common it’s a bummer that we never see certain fights happen, like instead of Naruto fighting a one time villain, he should fight with Rock Lee, or instead of another fight between Natsu and Gray, why not Natsu vs. Juvia or another water wizard. Of course it is hard to get every fight combination while also advancing the story but still, maybe for the future writers could try and make more decisive choices for fights.

Side effect to the protagonist newly discovered power/ability- You’ve probably seen this before, bad guy is about to win but after something happens, the protagonist gets a new power (or something like that) and uses it to defeat the bad guy with ease, even though its there first time using it.

Though tired and predictable, this could be fixed if instead just of the good guy just winning after using it, there were scenes where there are negative effects to the new power the protagonist has obtained. Some examples I can think of are the protagonist loses there other abilities for a period of time, they severely hurt themselves or an ally (maybe even kill someone) because they don’t have full control over the power or scenes where though they win due to him he almost didn’t due to lack of experience, causing them to train in order to use it properly. I have seen theses examples used in shows before, like in Avatar the last Airbender and My Hero Academia, and if played right can make the series more intriguing.

Stop making it seem that the protagonist are going to lose/die- There’s only a certain number of times this can be pulled before it gets really fucking annoying. Either writers need to stop doing this every time a fight happens or make the protagonist actually lose/die. Stuff like this could be GREAT for the story. If they lose from time to time it shows that they need training as well as get development and if losing involves getting knocked out by the opponent in a series about fighting, it could also mean a side character can jump in and save the day which causes that character to get some development. Same for if a protagonist dies as it means other characters can get screen time and character development, plus you can always bring back that character after a while.

Protagonists with more then one dream/goal in life, either make it happen before the series finale, or change it/ find a new one later on- Its good for characters to have goals and dreams but how come they always just have one that always come true at the very end of the series, isn’t there anything else they want to do ? If characters in a series showed that they wanted to do more with their lives and achieve them along the way, the series as well as characters would be a bit more interesting and more relatable. No one complained about Usopp getting more dreams in One Piece or Sanji achieving his dream so why not do that more often ?

While there at it maybe in future stories we can get characters who at some point change there life long goals, one example is about a story where after half of the series is over the main character finds outs the organization he always wanted to join are working for the series antagonist, so he decides to change his dream to starting his own organization that follows what he believes is right. I also think having more goals would be good, cause if we see them finish the goals it at least shows progression in the series story.

Making characters who are romantically involved get together before the end of the series- When 2 characters show clear signs that they love each other they usually get together at the end of the series. I am FUCKING TIRED of this as it’s not only predictable as fuck but the outcome of the characters getting together is really small compared to how LOOOONG it took for them to get together, as again when the characters do get together (if the writers want them to) they usually just admit there feelings and/or finally kiss and that’s it, course some series show more of what happens afterwards like the characters getting married, having a child, or a picture of them in the future living happily ever after, but its usually just the former.

Again we often never get to see what happens after they get together like see them try and be more then friends after being so for so long, how other characters in the series react to there relationship, or see if they even stay together. Course this is for drama but showing more of the relationship might be good for the story. For romance series it can lead to seeing the characters grow as a couple instead of just being friends as well as break the cycle usually used in it, I mean the manga My Love Story was praised for doing this.

This would also be good in action adventure series as well, which though has the same problem, gets a small pass as they focus more then just romance. I bet we’d get some good fights and drama if characters that liked each other were in a relationship. I’m not saying they should make all the couples get together before the series ends but maybe they should just do couples that either wouldn’t change the story that much or the 3rd or 4th most popular character couple/ship. Star Vs. The Forces did this for both examples, making there main ship canon twice and made a minor ship canon for over a season, both (with the exception of the breaking the main ship up the first time) were liked by the fandom so why not do that more ?

The following are tropes from romance and harem series.

Make harem protagonist get with someone in series- This genre has a similar problem as the previous trope, but its much worse as pretty much all shows (with SOME exceptions) end with the male protagonist, even at the end of the series, still having no idea which girl he loves more/would want to date/marry, even if its clearly shown he likes one girl more others, even mature manga/anime do this. Again this is for story but it wouldn’t kill the writers to make the protagonist end up with someone, heck maybe if a series did do this (or one where a guy marries all the main girls unless its illegal to publish fictional polygamy, even in fictional mature manga) it would be praised.

More relatable male protagonist in harem/romance series- Most male protagonist in theses all seem to have one trait that describes there personality and usually its one of a small list of traits used in harem/romance series like the dumb guy, shy guy, or stoic guy sometimes they have 2 traits but there also the same like “the nice guy who gets afraid when the slightest sexual advance” or “the dumb/oblivious character with a heart of gold”. I just think it would be more interesting if the male protagonist had more personality. I mean I know there are some that aren’t like this but those are outnumbered by protagonist with traits that I just described.

Give the male protagonist in harem series a true male friend- Another thing that bugs me a bit about male harem protagonist is how he never has any guy friends and when he does there also predictable, whether it be ones he only hangs out with at school (not during weekends/adventures), the jealous/perverted one who either hangs out with the protagonist to get to a girl(s) he likes or complain about how lucky he is, or someone who is related to one of the girls in his harem in someway.

I’d like to see a series where the main character has a true friend that not only appears often, but also can help the protagonist out, or for humor willing get him into trouble from time to time. A benefit of the main character having a friend is that he could become a possible love interesting for one of the girls in the harem, thus adding more drama to series.

Mix up the tsundere trope a bit- There are two types of Tsunderes but I’m talking about the one where the girl always fights with the guy they like, even hurting them physically depending on the character. This has been used a lot in romance and harem series and I know it will continue to be used in the future, but I wish someone would at least try to change this trope a bit somehow.

I have 3 personal ideas to how to change this trope. One is instead of a tsundere we get a character similar to Centorea from Monster Musume who though loves the main character puts her duties/responsibilities before that, though she still does things to show that she like him like get jealous when other girls are near him, happy when he says or do something nice/romantic or mad when he does something inappropriate. Another is to make it so that the tsundere’s anger is actually out of her hand, as in she has either some medical/psychological condition, or was cursed with magic at a young age that makes her hate people that are close to her (like friends, family and boys she like). That would not only be interesting as seeing the tsundere have more trouble control her anger then usual, but would add more drama to the series. And the 3rd is that the girl isn’t always a tsundere. Maybe in one scenario she just hates the boy in question for a good part of the series but after something big, she turns into a tsundere or in another scenario she’s the opposite as that she is a tsundere at the beginning of the series but later on accepts her feeling and does whatever it can to date the boy. Either of these ideas would make this trope a little bit likeable to me.

That or make it so that there are consequences to there actions, as even in the most realistic anime series the tsundere can get away with a lot of things that would result in consequences. Make her pay for her actions like have her get grounded, detention or get a bad reputation for it. I’d like to see that happen as this could result in her trying to be nicer, be a good change of pace for the show, or to make things more dramatic as another consequence could be that her attitude drives the boy she likes away to a point where he doesn’t want anything to do with her or date a girl the tsundere hates, thus breaking her heart.

Episode where guy or girls are mysteriously gone/don’t act like themselves- I always wondered what would happen if the routine of the male protagonist or the girls in a harem series just stopped for an episode.

What I mean is what if we got an episode where after the male protagonist had a bad day caused by the girls in his harem, he gives a rant to them eventually saying he wished they would stop bothering him (or disappear) and the next day it comes true and this lasts for a few days. It would be interesting to see how the male character would react to this this and see him try to get use to his life after dealing with the girls for so long. This could also work for the girls as well, which I think would be more interesting because we would see what the girls would do if the guy they liked wasn’t in there lives anymore.

Episode where other people cause harem to stay apart- Similar to my previous idea but this time a known outside force is causing the characters to be apart as I also wondered if there were people in harem shows that got tired or angry at the shenanigans the main characters in a harem always got into, especially characters like the parents, the students, or teachers. So what if they did something about it, like make a rule or get restraining orders prevent the characters from hanging out. It’d be interesting to say the least.

Girl in harem falling out of love with protagonist- Again what would happen if a girl in a harem fell out of love with the protagonist, what would happen ? Would she just try and stay friends with the boy or try and avoid him at all cost ? Plus would she rejoin the harem later on or fall for another character ? Would it be as good as any other couple where one falls out of love for a bit or not ? I say a show should test this to see what happens.

Which of these tropes would you like to see change ? Are there any tropes not on this list that should change ?

#manga #anime #tropes

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geek-gem · 7 years

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Fake Sonic Movie Trilogy SCU

12:29 pm so I didn’t copy and post this for some hours. A bit nervous also took a shower and well hold myself up in my room cause cleaning ladies are here. Really I was nervous and just remember like the title says this is mainly fake. Including to have some fun. I was watching some Sonicguru. But God damn two bags of popcorn and four Diet Dr. Pepper’s checked with left hand the four isn’t finished get and cleaning ladies are here man. So got tags down and put Sonic Boom as the first tag by mistake yet put sonic the hedgehog twice.

Again this is all fake just I hear Sonicguru’s voice I’m just swaying back and forth standing. 12:32 pm

Starting this at 6:42 it’s 6:43 am for a few seconds….gonna say nervous mainly and…hope I can reblog this to Tumblr. Yet I’ve been wanting to make this for a long time. Then maybe I will kind of take a break from this. Including I’m having changing thoughts. But all of this is mainly to be silly and fun. Yet also kind of show hey what about this oh my nose…yeah it’s early but here we go man 6:44 am also almost put the start of this in the other info 6:46 am

In 2019 a movie based upon the Sonic franchise is slated for release. Announced on June 10th 2014 and has been delayed to 2016 to 2018 to now 2019. It is being produced by Neal Moritz on his Original Film banner alongside Takeshi Ito and Mie Onishi. Toby Ascher is executive producing, and the film is being written by Evan Susser and Van Robichaux. It is being produced as a joint venture between Sony Pictures and Marza Animation Planet. The film will be a live-action and CGI hybrid. The movie is scheduled to premiere in 2019 with Tim Miller as the executive producer alongside with his Blur Studio collaborator Jeff Fowler set to direct the film.

Mainly in secret and due to the public demanding of more info. Things have been changing a bit. Including plans of what’s beyond the movie. Yet the focus being centered on the first film.

What’s been going on is plans are changing a bit such as a person only known as, “GeekGem” with a part of his name sake being a fan of Steven Universe yet also a geek. A fan of the Sonic franchise. Has been brought onto mainly the writing table. To discuss plans for the Sonic franchise on the big screen which will surprise everyone. Whether Sonic fan or not. Including talking about and announcing certain things no one might be expecting.

“I’ve been a long time fan of Sonic. Even if their have been at times I haven’t been. Yet it’s a franchise I honestly like a lot. The idea of Sonic having a cinematic movie to me is a dream come true. Along with working on it, it’s amazing. Including because you need the right kind of people with talent. We honestly want to change things. Including since this is a movie based upon a video game series. We want to show even me just make a great movie. Theirs a lot more surprises too” - GeekGem.

Their have been talks of a trilogy which is reasonable for certain franchises yet also the talks of a Sonic Cinematic Universe which GeekGem named it the SCU similar to that of MCU and DCEU.

Even talks of GeekGem wanting to bring aboard Zack Snyder for possible directing yet with a writers help if he’s not too busy.

Including now a synopsis for the first film that people have been waiting for.

Sonic The Hedgehog or just Sonic. One of the working titles Sonic The Blue Blur yet the name needs to be understandable.

Info: Rediscover the gaming legend known as Sonic The Hedgehog in this epic film reintroducing the character to mass audiences.

The world’s changing as the arrival of a blue hedgehog known as Sonic, a being with super Sonic speed as his power. Including at the same time his recent enemy he’s been fighting for some time Dr. Ivo Robotnik or Eggman which Sonic insults him by saying that, has been rising up each more after each loss. This time plans something bigger.

Sonic along with the help of his friend Tails, Amy Rose, and an autistic young adult human named Gabriel who has the skills of a soldier. Along with others they must stop Robotnik before he unleashes what is possibly his most dangerous plan to have this Death Egg. Along with surviving against a warrior named Knuckles working with Robotnik. With also what is Robotnik’s greatest creation Metal Sonic. More then a robotic copy, but a robot built with the sole purpose to kill Sonic. Who goes beyond his regular programming and realizes how important of who is the real Sonic.

Prepare for a story about courage, family, and what it means to do the right thing despite facing something corrupted, brutal, and beyond anything or anyone has ever faced. Including what it truly means to be a hero.

Cast: Ryan Reynolds as Sonic and Metal Sonic, Tom Holland as Gabriel Garfield, Jeffery Dean Morgan as Dr. Ivo Robotnik/Eggman, Anna Kendrick as Amy Rose, Grant Palmer as Miles Tails Prowler, John Boyega as Knuckles, Catherine Taber, Collin Dean, Patti LuPone.

Other cast members in talks and possibilities. Such as Ben Affleck, Della Saba, Henry Cavill, Deedee Magno Hall, Lisa Hannigan, Kimberly Brooks, Noel Wells, and more. Mainlys actors and actresses for new characters. Including mainly looking at actors and actresses from cartoons such as Steven Universe and The Loud House and other cartoons to go with stars mainly from other movies. Also mainly plans for the SCU Sonic Cinematic Universe.

Including it’s confirmed that the film will be animated. Mainly CGI with some 2D involved. It depends on how it’s done.

“I feel like with the first movie you need to focus on the first movie first, so you don’t get distracted by the bigger picture. The thing we’re focused on it making a great movie based upon a video game. Along with the first I wanna set up this idea. Sonic is still a character but what he means. The way he is, along with his attitude. It’s the positivity he brings. He brings this hope to people.

Including his actions and words how they change and empower people around him. They inspire them to do something good or better. Including it gives a challenge when Robotnik, Metal Sonic, and anyone Sonic and others will meet in their life will make them question and challenge their beliefs. Yet also thrusting throw the toughest of challenges.

Mainly I want people to understand why people take a blue hedgehog seriously. I don’t want Sonic to mainly be a joke. I’m gonna be honest while a Sonic movie by Disney might be better. Yet with the PG-13 rating we can take more risks. To really have people understand what I mean” - GeekGem.

The film is slated to be rated PG-13 with mainly Junkie XL scoring the film. Along with if Hans Zimmer joins.

Including the film is slated for the same release date in 2019 in the month of June around the 28th anniversary of the Sonic franchise.

Characters featured: Sonic, Dr. Ivo Robotnik/Eggman, Metal Sonic, Miles Tails Prowler, Amy Rose, and Knuckles. Mainly those confirmed for characters from games.

Sonic God Of Destruction.

Info: A year has passed since the events of the Death Egg being destroyed. Sonic is now a world renowned hero. Yet as time passes people start questioning even official’s and world leaders question this one idea.

Do we really need a Sonic the hedgehog.

Including the mass destruction caused at many places, and Metal Sonic existing because of Sonic, including Metal Sonic still being out there. With Robotnik still doing terrorist attacks which Sonic and others stop.

Yet the blame is mainly on Sonic. Including as he has interfered with official matters.

Now with a being know as Chaos the God Of Destruction, a creature made out of water. Unleashed by Robotnik and hoping to get the Chaos Emeralds which they still wonder about but they mainly give power.

But during all of this. With some of the world now watching him, and actually critizing him. This time despite being full of confidence. Now starts to question if he should even try anymore if people are blaming him for these messes and not siding with officials. Even if he’s admitted to them that he’s saved their lives.

As it goes on, with learning what Chaos is, and the rise of a robot named E-102 Gamma. Including visions of a girl named Tikal he and others have. Including why Chaos wants to destroy the world.

As it goes down, and the countdown to Chaos begins, they will realize that we might need a Sonic the hedgehog, along with maybe a bit more positivity in our lives. Including other ways instead of violence of what else we can do.

Cast: Ryan Reynolds as Sonic and Metal Sonic, Tom Holland as Gabriel Garfield, Aulii Cravalho as Tikal, Jeffery Dean Morgan as Dr. Ivo Robotnik/Eggman, Anna Kendrick as Amy Rose, Grant Palmer as Miles Tails Prowler, John Boyega as Knuckles, Paul Bettany as E-102 Gamma, Catherine Taber, Collin Dean, Holly Hunter, and more depending.

Big the cat’s voice has not been chosen due to not finding someone who fits the role. Yet Big is still in the movie. But his role not as BIG a joke there is not a huge one yet with the story focusing on the others. People from the last film return yet not in a big role and Amy, Gamma, Tails, Gabriel, Chaos, and Sonic having important parts like others. Metal Sonic as well including his story mixed with a bit of Gamma’s and Amy’s.

“Just saying I’ve been wanting to do the Adventure games cause I like them a lot, a lot of other people do to. Including their important to the Sonic universe. Along with I wanted to do Adventure 1 first cause it makes sense because I want to go into Adventure 2 a lot easier, no rushing, yet just it makes it much better.

Yet I had a problem with how are we gonna go with it. I like the story, such as Gamma’s, including Chaos who’s perfect after Eggman and Metal Sonic. Including expanding more on Sonic’s universe of their being other beings.

Including we would have to change some stuff yet to make sense to help it as a movie. Yet I felt their wasn’t something that might drag people into it. That it would feel connected that much into the last one. Then I thought of this. Including I was inspired by films like Man Of Steel, and Batman V Superman which helped inspired me.

The idea how would people react to Sonic if he was real. Mainly him. Because the games don’t really do that. Despite he’s saved the world a lot of times. Yet when are people gonna question mainly the officials such as world leaders. Including this kind of relates to the case with Chaos and I’m gonna spoil some Sonic Adventure here. It kind of relates to Chaos how he reacts to the world and how bad it went. Including he was angry in that moment. Also it was a personal reason.

But back to Sonic, the idea of people and these aren’t just regular people. These are people who have to make bog decisions for us. These aren’t people he can’t hurt, or just outrun from. The people he has to deal with even some of the public will make him question what is he doing in his life.

Despite he’s so full of confidence, and so sure of himself, going against injustice when he see’s it. He can’t go against the anyone he’s gonna try to protect. Or mainly people he will live with. I know that Sonic is always running and he has no home. Yet it’s a world issue.

Including the idea that some people would look at him at him as some sort of God with power beyond ours. It makes him uncomfortable, and he just wants to be treated like us, he just wants to help people, he wants to do the right thing. So these people putting him down, and Eggman is honestly enjoying this too, maybe also Metal Sonic, and Chaos moving about. He starts to question are these people right. Should I keep trying or should I just listen. Even when theirs danger.

Also theirs a scene during the movie where it’s kind of a joke Sonic goes to court. Yet Sonic goes there to talk with these people of how they feel about what he’s doing and what he represents. Including they kind of break him. Yet they don’t really yet he is just mad at the fact why can’t they just let him do what he wants. Including he even questions should I even do this anymore.

Theirs also Chaos who’s angry at the world. Along with Tikal wanting to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I kind of want to make the story like Gamma’s story connected to the main story which is why Metal Sonic is still around.

Including in the end despite the questioning. That we might need Sonic. Yet it isn’t just that, we need to realize of what we’re doing, and maybe more pacifist, maybe less violent. Including Chaos represents the other end of that, the way we would go if we don’t make peace with each other. But don’t worry Chaos will be okay” - GeekGem

The film is rated PG-13 with the score being made by the same people. Most of the cast are back. The film is slated for a June 2020 release around the 29th anniversary of the franchise.

Characters featured: Sonic, Chaos, Tikal, Amy Rose, Miles Tails Prowler, Knuckles, E-102 Gamma, Big The Cat, Dr. Robotnik/Eggman, Cream, Cheese, Vanilla, Metal Sonic. Mainly anyone else who appeared in Sonic Adventure.

Their are rumors and it seems confirmed for a post credits and end credits scene of a character named a Rouge the bat who first appeared in Sonic Adventure 2.

Sonic The Ultimate Lifeform.

Info: Three months after the events with Chaos who is now at peace with Tikal in the Master Emerald. Now things are changing since Dr. Robotnik had raided Prison Island for a secret hid away from the public.

Now all of a sudden, Sonic being captured and on the run by GUN. Yet even the public knows that Sonic hasn’t done anything wrong. Including when see why are GUN capturing Sonic and putting the blame on him when black hedgehog named Shadow is now unleashed. With the news and GUN saying it’s Sonic but the public knows better.

As time goes on. Things are revealed such as the Space Colony Ark, secrets hid for 50 years, and who are really the good guys. Along with a jewel thief Rouge helping out Robotnik, Metal Sonic, and Shadow.

Including who is Shadow and as his true intentions are revealed makes people wonder. How far would you go for your family. Including in a adventure that will make you question things. The emotion of family and how it affects you, that wishes are eternal. Along with giving others like you and more a chance to be happy, that people can still good, forgiveness, love, and what it takes on the responsibility of what it really means to be the Ultimate Lifeform.

Cast: Ryan Reynolds as Sonic and Metal Sonic, Tom Holland as Gabriel Garfield, Sebastian Stan as Shadow, Catherine Taber, Anna Kendrick as Amy Rose, Jeffery Dean Morgan as Dr. Robotnik/Eggman, Grant Palmer as Miles Tails Prowler, John Boyega as Knuckles, Scarlett Johansson as Rouge, Collin Dean, Jeremy Irons as Gerald Robotnik, Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, and more.

Mainly the rest of the cast members returns but in smaller parts. Including the casting of Maria Robotnik has not been decided because chosing the right one is difficult and needs to be at least child like and I guess have this innocence.

“Now Sonic Adventure 2 is a game I know it has problems which with a movie which can fix upon. But the story itself which I felt could of been worked better but I understand what it’s trying to tell. I wanted to tell the story much more clearer.

I really like Shadow as a character. The way his story is in Sonic Adventure 2, and how I think Sonic Adventure 2 is more of a Shadow game then his own game. It’s a bit more mature too. Also despite people saying it’s dark yet…the way it is and how Shadow is developed it could be better which is why we’re taking some stuff from Sonic X since Sega is allowing us to do that.

The story of Sonic Adventure 2 I’ve said is basically the birth, fall, redemption, and death of Shadow. It’s a story that honestly has made me cry just thinking about it and how his character is. This film we really wanna go deep into that. Enough with the jokes of the whole edgy thing. Theirs reasons why people love this character. Including this it shows who he is and why he is.

Including I remember I felt like crying yet I think I almost did cry spoilers for Sonic Adventure 2 seeing the sight of Shadow on the Earth. Even the scene which we are gonna make better and make more sense which is inspired by the Sonic X adaptation scene where he realizes of what he’s become, and he’s pushing away what his sister Maria really wants when he’s so angry. He’s like a child acting like an adult, has PTSD and just can’t let go then he realizes he needs to do what he promised her and what he thinks is the right thing. Including with some of the story we put with this was some theories of mine like GUN knew everything and try to keep it hidden but they can’t, and Shadow was the one who set up some of this stuff for Gerald. Along with seeing he’s become the one thing he hated.

In a way the film is like a tribute to Shadow. I or we basically wanna make people cry about a black hedgehog like I cry over it. We wanna show why people like this game and it’s a film along with the score show why this story matters like the others”

The film is slated to be rated PG-13 with a release date on June 23rd of 2021 of Wednesday celebrating the 30st anniversary of the Sonic franchise and the 20th anniversary of Sonic Adventure 2, which is Shadow’s first appearance in the franchise.

Including the score again scored by the same Junkie XL and possibly Hans Zimmer.

With the talks of the SCU Sonic Cinematic Universe. The ideas was brought when GeekGem thought of it and more of it was thought about it when talking to a friend he was hanging out one time.

Mainly the film ideas are of.

A Team Chaotix Mystery Comedy, Shadow The Hedgehog but not with the Black Arms, Knuckles Chaotix, and a Tails spin off. Also possibly Sonic Riders if possible and more it depends.

“The idea of it is honestly fun. Also we not afraid or I’m not afraid to admit were gonna do the whole post credits scene and end credits scene. Because hey it’s not just Marvel’s thing, and it honestly helps. Including it’s a treat to any fans or anyone who wants more like the easter eggs we put in the films.

Yet it’s not gonna be like Marvel’s game plan with what they are doing or even the DCEU films, the Monsterverse films, and others. Their mainly gonna be like spin offs focusing on other stories. Yet characters from the main series like Sonic could appear yet their not the main focus. Including I think the Team Chaotix one with Knuckles Chaotix has quite some potential. With the first one the Team Chaotix one mostly involving like forgotten characters Sega and Sonic Team don’t use in their games much. It’s mainly a fun idea, and makes it’s own thing which is the point of some of these films.

While I work on the main films the spin offs are mainly their own things. It depends on what material we are using.

Including talks about a fourth film mixing the story of Sonic Lost World, Sonic Rush, and introducing Silver the hedgehog who first appeared in Sonic 06 which the team does not want to go with yet could reinvent the story if they want to. Meaning the story of the game won’t happen. The other part is Shadow returning.

While GeekGem realizes this is too much. He thinks it insane enough and just enough so much. People want Blaze, Silver, and even Marine, and he too along with the Deadly Six. Also possibly a Colors adaptation, and Sonic Forces adaptation. Yet we have to wait and see with Sonic Forces.

Along with the idea of having the first film being Sonic Adventure instead or just leave it to the professionals and I’ve been writing enough to reveal this shit huh mate 9:09 am 9:10 am picked category I’ve finally wrote this ha mate

Edit 12:38 pm since I oh right hip bed but…I can’t edit the DeviantArt version on my phone…will mention will make this official Chadwick Bosemen as the president cause reasons. Including had to check Youtube search twice to see if I got his last name right. Back listening to, “Infinite” from Sonic Forces now 12:40 pm it’s still awesome 12:41 pm sorry I just need to update edit 12:42 pm I’m sorry this was awkward edit 12:43 pm had to refresh again I'm sorry

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic movie

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ciathyzareposts · 4 years

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What’s Your Story – Mr. Sack

Answers: Mr. Sack Introduction and Captions: TBD

And today, we have somebody who sent in their What’s Your Story answers before commenting on the blog. It’s time to welcome the self-described “long time fan, first time caller,” Mr. Sack!

My home country is… USA! USA! USA! Heh, sorry. I’m not jingoistic, but I couldn’t resist.

My age is… 40, but I still feel 23…not physically, but mentally. I remember turning 23, graduating college, 5 years into legal adulthood, expecting to be a full-time adult and yet not knowing if I was ready for that privilege or responsibility. It seemed like I was faking it and everyone else had it together. Now that I’m 40, with a wife, two kids, and a job that isn’t exactly dead-end but isn’t exactly fulfilling, I realize everyone is pretty much faking it; I still feel young and irresponsible, but at least I’m better at faking it.

The first adventure game I played was… Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards…when I was 8 years old. My dad brought home his work computer for my little brother and me to play the casino games and exploring the virtual world (making sure we didn’t wander off into the dirty parts…not that we would even understand it). Years later when we got our own computer, I tracked down just about every available Sierra game both old and new. I ended up playing all the Leisure Suit Larry games before ever having a girlfriend. In a way, the games helped to shaped my attitude towards sex and masculinity (both are HILARIOUS), and taught me to respect women, to see them as people with their own needs and desires that should be fulfilled before I get what I want (and sometimes I don’t get what I want, but I make the best of it).

I’m surprised you can get past the title screen without finding some dirty parts!

My favourite adventure game is… really hard to pick. Growing up, I almost exclusively played Sierra games both out of ignorance for any other quality games from other companies and satisfaction from their catalogue. When I discovered LucasArts games, the whole world opened up and it amazes me I managed to do anything as a kid other than play these games. At one point, I would have said King’s Quest VI was my favorite, though it is my favorite of that series. Leisure Suit Larry 3 is the perfect balance between a real adventure game and Larry’s comedy trope of dating and societal mockery and the best of that series. For a time, Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers could not be dethroned because of its dark story and incredible style. Space Quest V is criminally underrated among that series and I’m surprised it doesn’t get more love. Really, the golden age of adventure gaming, from King’s Quest I to Grim Fandango, those games are the games I remember so fondly.

As for my “gun to the head” answer, when I think of the game that I enjoyed from beginning to end, that was the perfect blend of hilarious sharp writing, visually pleasing, and just plain all around fun, it’s probably Sam & Max Hit the Road. I loved that game so much, it made me a fan of the Steve Purcell comics and visual style. While I enjoyed the Telltale series, the Lucasarts entry is just so good and I lament we never got to experience the cancelled sequel.

A lot of people with guns to their heads pick Sam & Max – I wonder why?

When I’m not playing games I like to… keep myself entertained. I watch movies and online videos like The Spoony Experiment, read books, comics, blogs, cereal boxes, anything that stimulates my mind. Boredom is my worst enemy. Having two young kids has helped me rediscover playing with toys.

I like my games in (a box, digital format)… young me would have said box with all the trimmings of manuals that seemed like they came straight from the game and devices that either served as copy protection or simply cosmetic dressing…but now that I’m older and space is limited, plus having games easily portable on my phone and my Nintendo Switch, I’ve no problem with digital format. In fact, having replayed classics like Day of the Tentacle and Full Throttle on my iPad, not to mention so many new adventure games from Wadjet, Zojoi, and the new Leisure Suit Larry game, I want every single adventure game past, present, and future available on my digital platforms of choice.

Unavowed from Wadjet Eye Games – available now on most digital platforms!

The thing I miss about old games is… the risks of experimental games by big studios. Sierra and Lucasarts brought out some incredible pieces of work in their glory days before they went seriously corporate and eventually disbanded. Even other companies like Capcom were much better when we got games like Darkstalkers, ones that developed cult followings and had real character. With games having blockbuster-sized budgets and a need to recoup such high production costs, they tend to play it so safe and formulaic, especially with things that, for their time, would have been considered bold. Also, I miss the sense that I had so much time to play them all. Becoming an adult has really made me aware of time and responsibilities that must be fulfilled before I can do anything else, and that usually leaves me with little time for gaming.

The best thing about modern games is… the stigma of gaming being for nerds who don’t leave their parents’ basements is gone…for the most part. There are games for everyone, and despite what blogs on both sides of the political spectrum say, we can all unite over our love for them, regardless of genres and flaws. It baffles me that there are those who seem to want to dictate what gaming is, who believe games on phones are not “real games”, or that games from the past are terrible due to either gaming conventions of the time or the lack of inclusion and pandering to the “old guard”. Gaming shouldn’t be so divisive. Preferences in genres will be there, but it’s our differences in preferences that should bring us all together. Also, I love the indie gaming scene that allows for blockbuster games from the big studios and small, experimental pieces from everyone else.

The one TV show I never miss is… Mystery Science Theater 3000, no question. My all-time favorite television show. It pretty much shaped my sense of humor and outlook on life. While it’s never quite managed to evolve past being a cult show (albeit one that has a lot of big name fans and the idea of a bad film being “MST3K-worthy” is parlance I am glad to see), its influence is undeniable in this era of online cynicism and critique. Whether that’s good or bad is up to each person’s interpretation, but for me, the world can take itself way too seriously, and sometimes I just want to hear the riffs of a guy trapped in space with two sarcastic robots. I’ve said that, in the era of DVD commentary tracks, every film, regardless of quality, should have a mandatory MST3K track, complete with silhouettes (the Ghostbusters DVD had this, so it’s possible).

Unfortunately, the MST3K revival was recently cancelled after Season 2

If I could see any band live it would be… Gorillaz, just to see how they pull it off.

My favourite movie is… The World’s End. When I bought it on Blu-Ray, I probably watched it at least once a day for half a year, making it easily my most-watched movie. The dialogue is so sharp (no surprise if you’ve ever watched any other Edgar Wright production) and the fight scenes so impressive, and yet most people mark this as inferior to Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, which baffles me; those two films set the bar very high, for sure, but The World’s End matched it. But again, that’s a gun to my head choice (though a much easier one to declare than my favorite game), I’ve grown up watching movies from all eras, and I’m always up for watching a good (or bad) movie with friends, no matter how many times I see it. In fact, the best way to experience a film I’ve already seen is with someone who hasn’t.

If this is the guy with a gun to your head, I think he was hoping for a different World’s End movie

One interesting thing about me is… I joined a local community theater just to be in a production of Avenue Q, and that pretty much opened up a whole new world of interest for me, allowing me to fulfill an acting bug I never knew I had.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/whats-your-story-mr-sack/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

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hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff · 5 years

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https://ift.tt/2TIg6iM A NATIVE NEW YORKER, Victor LaValle has been publishing startling and incisive works that feature people of color since his 1999 debut short story collection, Slapboxing with Jesus. His books tackle mental illness, poverty, and parenthood in a variety of genres. LaValle’s most recent publications, the H. P. Lovecraft–inspired novella The Ballad of Black Tom and the American Book Award–winning novel The Changeling, are being developed for the small screen by AMC and FX respectively. In 2017, LaValle created a modern-day Frankenstein story for BOOM! Studios in the form of a graphic novel that has achieved critical and popular acclaim. His exploration of horror, starting with his 2012 novel, The Devil in Silver, pays homage to the genre that first inspired LaValle to write. Though his work has transitioned from the so-called literary to the realm of horror, it still remains lyrical and complex. There’s also been a marked tempo shift, a preference for the slow burn. And yet, perhaps because of his work in genre fiction, LaValle remains an underappreciated sculptor of compelling narratives. We spoke over Skype twice. ¤ AYIZE JAMA-EVERETT: It’s funny. I’ve been writing for years, but I’m just now getting into what it’s like to do literary writing as opposed to genre writing. VICTOR LAVALLE: What made you think about them as distinct things? I think early on I just wanted to get published. But, then in trying to make a career out of this — which seems insane — I know literary authors tend to get better advances than most genre writers … That’s funny because I’m coming at it from the literary side. We don’t know what the comparisons are. We used to talk about science fiction, mystery, thriller, and romance as the four genres that people read. One of our things — that we acknowledged as literary fiction writers — was that if we were really serious no one would ever read us. That was sort of the mantra, at least for some of us. Your badge of honor. Yes, that’s right, and also to make peace with it. You’re going out into the world knowing the thing you’re doing just ain’t going to give you a cushy life. We might joke that we’d sell books to our friends from workshop, but that was it. So some of us would talk about genre writing like, “If we could just figure out a plot that would have people wondering what came next instead of the beauty of the sentence, we’d really get paid.” [Laughs.] Interesting. And so from our perspective, speaking again from basic anecdotal MFA experience, the narrative-focused writers, seemed to be the ones who have people reading them. Walter Mosley talks about that. I’ve heard him say there are a lot of literary cats out there, but people read my work. That’s right. But then, what’s this whole literary fascination with ambiguity, which sometimes seems like it goes against the very nature of engagement with the reader? I think that in almost every genre, including literary realism, you can detect a point of view. A writer’s point of view, and what that writer imagines the reader’s point of view will be. There’s a great deal being communicated about the writer’s expectations, and assumptions. Totally. And so I do think, again speaking very broadly, that literary realism is largely the story of middle-class life. Some common life events occur, but others often do not. You’re talking about individual, life-changing events, like an illness or a divorce to name the top two clichés, but you’re not necessarily talking about war or life in the bottom 20 percent where the whole bottom could fall out of a society and you could all be drawn down into the whirlpool. There are instances of such things in literary fiction, of course, but they’re less likely. This becomes a signal about the writer’s point of view, and what that writer’s imagined reader will find relatable. The joke about The New Yorker: without cancer, divorce, and the suburbs, The New Yorker would have nothing to publish. I think that’s, like, 75 percent true. And then there’re the outliers like Karen Russell, who writes super weird fantastical stuff, and Zadie Smith sometimes publishes the occasional less fantastical piece. Chimamanda [Ngozi Adichie] and Edwidge [Danticat] are regulars in their pages, and they’ve got a different beat. So there’s an outlier wing of the magazine, but it’s about 20 percent. I don’t have any position on this, but it feels like that construction is — you called it middle class, but I want to race it. In the United States, it feels very white. When I read literature from Africa, even from the Caribbean, the concerns are different, and as a result I feel like the stylistic approach is different. There is more of a call for something to happen. It doesn’t seem so interested in maintaining this mythical status quo. I think that white and middle class would be the definite, clearest signifiers, broadly speaking, of that literary realist tradition in the United States. But in more recent years I’ve been making friends with folks in the horror genre. And horror, fantasy, science fiction, romance, every genre, really, is still pretty white and, often, middle class. It’s not a trait of literary fiction alone, that’s all I mean. That’s not to defend The New Yorker, but to indict everyone else too. Let’s make it a class action suit against the monolithic nature of whiteness in publishing. You were being interviewed about your first book and you spoke about writing in resistance to misery porn. I believe it was one of your friends who told you, “But yeah, man, we have some good times, too.” Was that you? I can’t claim that I was writing against misery porn back then. In fact, I leaned into it pretty hard. Misery literature as a particular-path-that-is-rewarded in fiction by “minority” writers is a problem I’ve become more aware of as time passes. I was doing it in my first book, but didn’t realize it. My first book was a set of stories about growing up in Queens mostly, and it was just a litany of bad things happening to black and brown kids and their loved ones. Not every story turned toward the grim or the violent or the hopeless, but a hell of a lot of them did. And then it took an old friend, who I’d hooked up with on Facebook, pointing out those bad things were some of experience but that sure wasn’t all of it. Where was the happiness, the silliness, the dull-ass parts of being working-class folks in Queens? Those parts are just as valid as the misery, and they tend to paint a fuller picture of one’s life, so why didn’t you include them? He didn’t mean it as a smack in the face, but that’s how I felt. Because I knew he was right. And then I had to ask myself what, exactly, I’d been peddling. And why I’d been rewarded for it. Where do you think that inclination came from? Was it fostered in your writing program or in publications? I think many writers are, just by nature, pessimists. A lot of us are misanthropes and sad sacks. As a result, many of us come to believe that a story is only “serious” or “adult” if things don’t go well for people, and then continue to get worse, and then the story ends with some truncated moment of lyrical beauty. Now give me my literary prize. Melancholy is the natural inclination of so many writers, but that doesn’t mean it’s the “truth” of life. Not anymore than optimists who demand that life have meaning and ends happily. It’s all perception. Life itself has no inherent qualities. Consciously or not, I took that on. I thought about my undergraduate program and I thought about which came first, the chicken or the egg. And I have to say that I can’t really blame my MFA. I showed up and said, I’ve got some rough stories for you. I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s and the movies that I saw that had people like me were Beat Street and Juice and Belly, you know, things like that. I love Belly. It’s an underground classic but the beauty of its imagery gets to give balance to the misery of the lives depicted. That’s the thing the written word can’t rely on. If there’s going to be beauty or joy or surprising tenderness, we actually have to write it into the text. But so many of us don’t. And yet you’ve gone more toward horror. I’ve definitely gone more toward horror, but that was embracing the thing that made me love writing as a child — it was horror, being scared. And in my own strange perspective, that is one way I’ve embraced joy. Being scared is a blast, at least for me. It makes me happy. My first two books are literary realism. They have lots of weird wild stuff happening in them, but there’s nothing fantastic or capital-W Weird. But after I’d finished my second book — my first novel — I felt completely drained. I’d mined a great deal of personal material — all the bad stuff — and didn’t want to keep tapping that vein. So I had to bypass the instincts of the 27-year-old who wanted to be taken seriously and rediscover the 10-year-old who simply wanted to devour books. The one whose excitement held as much power as a nuclear reaction. And that child loved vampires and werewolves and ghosts and more. Writing was not making me rich, and it was not making me famous, so it should at least make me happy. Makes sense. The nicest part is that the more I have embraced horror, the more I’ve embraced the joy that comes from horror, the more readers I’ve reached. That was counterintuitive, because I thought I’d be cutting my own throat. Instead that choice gave me new life. One of the things people forget about horror is that it’s not just the fear — it’s people surviving the fear and coming out on the other side of it. Yes. Often. Although there are some times when no one survives, when people don’t make it out and that can be bracing and powerful too. Like a rough massage. You shouldn’t do it to yourself all the time, but once in a while it feels perfect. What were the early horror books that got you excited? Clive Barker, the Books of Blood series, hit me at the right age and I fell hard. Also, he was one of the first people I encountered who actually wrote horror stories that took place in cities. Not exclusively, but it could be kind of tough to find that kind of thing back then. Stephen King was a gateway for sure and his study of the genre, Danse Macabre, helped me discover writers like Richard Matheson, among many others. Shirley Jackson was a foundational writer for me. I can’t overstate how much her stories and novels have meant to me. My mother bought me D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths as a kid, and it remains a favorite. The stories are great, of course, but the illustrations were even better. They border between horror and fantasy, and I couldn’t get enough. What’s the role of myth in your stories? Does it provide structures? Do you find influences in your voice? Definitely with The Ballad of Black Tom there’s a sort of mythos, and even in Big Machine. In The Changeling, there’s an overarching myth that’s present but not fully articulated until about halfway through the story, and even then it’s not fully articulated because the person is just living through it. The Changeling is where I made the most conscious use of fairy tale and myth. Previously, it was certainly there — Big Machine was the beginning of that. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true, because in a way even my first book of stories was me writing the myth about myself. I called them autobiographical at the time, but it’s not entirely true. After all, it’s a parade of pain and disappointment, and that’s not all my childhood consisted of. But there’s the temptation, especially when young, to make yourself seem serious by making yourself seem wretched. I fell victim to that. As time has gone by, book to book, I’m writing a new creation myth for myself. Each book I’ve written has been, in a way, an attempt to figure out who I want to be now. I’m one person at the start of the book and, hopefully, another by the end. I don’t mean that I’m exactly like the character, but that on some essential level I’m mirrored by this person. I want to tell a story, but I also want to work some shit out for myself. Changeling is the most thoughtful about myth and fairy tale, but it was also me trying to write an honest version of myself, both the good and the bad, as father and husband and son, but writing toward that version of Apollo that I could essentially learn from by the end. If I could write him succeeding at becoming a good husband, a good man, then maybe I could become one. Do you find that to be a challenge for you? Being good? Oh, sure. I’m selfish and vain. At times I’m short-tempered with everyone around me; often I’d prefer to be alone. But, I’ve got a wonderful wife, and two wonderful kids. I have friends and co-workers. I’m constantly navigating between my most selfish and vain self and that version of myself that’s selfless and giving. And, is that how you see Apollo? As selfless and giving? No. I see him trying, just trying. Early in the book he thinks he’s succeeding, but he’s deluded himself. He’s got a lot to learn. I hoped other people might identify with that. It’s just a personal thing for me but for some reason, whenever I see a black father with his kids, it just fills me with this sense of joy. I didn’t grow up with my dad or anything, but when I see that scene I think, “Yeah. You know you’re doing something.” And for the kid, I’m thinking, “You don’t know what you’ve got. The longer that guy’s there, the happier you’re going to be overall.” There’s one scene in The Changeling, I think he’s in a basement, and he’s looking through records, and he has the baby on something … On a little blanket. Yes. And, I’m a crate digger. I collect comics and I used to collect vinyl and I’ve been to those swap meets. I’ve been to those yard sales where that dad comes through with the kid and there’s that divided attention: trolling through the garbage to try to find the gold and keeping an eye on the kid at the same time. And I feel like you did that tension so well. You had to have lived it at some point. I still do. I take my son to the comic shop. We go semi-regularly to get my pull list and he comes with me. My daughter’s not quite old enough yet, but he comes with me and he walks the aisles. He walks the length of the new comics, and we have a deal that he can pick one, so he has to look at them, check out the covers, see what looks good to him. If you take it down, let’s look at it together so you don’t rip it. But at the same time I’m like, “Where’s the latest issue of B.P.R.D.? And what’s the new thing to get into? What’s this company do? What’s that company do?” So, that’s the kind of divide. I’m there with my son, but I’m also just a comic-head trolling for the goods. But, to your point about dads. I also didn’t grow up with my dad, and have felt, and assume always will feel, a great deal of pressure to give my son and daughter what I never had. And what a gift that I get to do it. But if I do the job really well they’ll never know what I gave them. The sign that I did it well is that they’ll take it for granted. I lean close to them often and say, “I’ll tell you a secret.” And they roll their eyes and say, in a weary tone, “You love me.” It’s become annoying to them. But, they know. And how amazing is that? Of course, I’m also benefiting from the fact that the bar for good father is so low. Just show up and you’re good. Yeah. The danger in being the dad who does those things is ego. It’s easy to think, “Has there ever been a man as good as me on this earth?” And, to make it worse, the world rewards me for doing the bare minimum. When they were really little I’d walk around with my kids, and people would come up to me and say, “God bless you.” And I’d think, “Yeah, God bless me. I deserve extra blessings from the Lord.” Of course race impacts that as well. And I guess I wonder how your wife deals with that. Does she tell you to get over yourself, or that you can feel that for like 20 minutes and then move on? A slight eyeroll now and then, but really she’s happy for me to receive praise for my parenting. Why not? She thinks I’m a good dad, too. But the nefarious side of all this is that being a “good dad” is easy, being a “good mother” is practically impossible. The par is ridiculously low for the former, impossibly high for the latter. Constant, endless criticism, that’s motherhood. There was a piece in The New Yorker last week that my wife corroborated. Scientists did a study: if a woman goes to the doctor with her partner, her male partner, the doctor will take her complaints more seriously. This is a fact. And it’s awful. So, all of those discrepancies are baked into fatherhood and motherhood too. I think she’s just very tired a lot of the time, because she gets extra layers of criticism. But, it’s not necessarily tension between us. How do you avoid that, given that writers tend to be the worst people to be married to? I’d guess that marriage can be difficult no matter who you’re married to. It’s just the reality of making compromises with another person. There are so many benefits to it as well though. She does nonfiction? She writes fiction and nonfiction. Her last book was nonfiction, but her first book was fiction, a novel, and her next one will be a novel as well. So, the downsides of us both being writers are that we are both moody at times, solitude can be vital to both of us, and we take our projects seriously. But, here’s the nice side: today she and I had lunch before splitting up to do work for the day, and we talked each other through our writing projects. That’s the side of two writers being married that isn’t always talked about. There is a degree of intellectual and artistic back and forth that’s very nurturing. I’d never want to give that up. So, you’re nurturing not only your children, but also your ideas together? Yes. And, having writer friends who are not married to writers is see the other side: the great part is that the non-writer spouse bring something else into the life, into the family, some other interests that aren’t just writing and books. But, the downside can be that they don’t understand what it is to be a writer, and they don’t have a particular care about stories or storytelling, and that can be maddening. Do you believe that? That there are people who don’t care about stories? Definitely, in the technical sense, taking stories apart. If they’re watching a show or reading a book, they don’t want to say, “How could that have been better?” or “This is the moment it all paid off.” As far as they’re concerned, look, that thing is just a show. Why are you taking it apart? Why are you overthinking it? It’s done already. Yeah. It’s just a stupid show. And that would be maddening to me. Even the stupid stuff has been thought through, planned out, and if it’s working on you there’s a reason. McDonald’s thinks quite a bit about how to make you keep eating their french fries. Do you think that writing can be taught? Yes. For example, Ernest Hemingway didn’t go to college. A high school graduate, super well read, but with no writing classes, obviously. But, he was a journalist for years, and he worked under an editor. And that editor pared down the prose, simplified, helped him learn how to communicate his ideas in a way that was better than the original. Essentially, that’s just what a writing class is meant to do. He also sat at the feet of Gertrude Stein, who instructed him as well. They were in her home, but that was a place of instruction. So, to me, writing has been taught forever. Whether working as a journalist or reading the slush pile at an agency or a magazine, that’s all a form of learning writing. Friends who have done that, after they’ve been reading for a month or two, they say that they see the mistakes that people make. They see how people do this, or this, or this, and they say, “I’m not going to do that.” Seeing what doesn’t work. Seeing what doesn’t work and seeing how many people do the same things. And so you think to yourself, “Okay. How am I going to make myself stand out? What’s my angle?” I consider all of those things aspects of teaching writing. What can’t be taught, I think, is personality, a point of view. Teaching writing, as I see it, is no different from teaching painting or teaching sculpture or music. In all those other arts people know you have to take lessons, or if you’re self-taught you have to practice a hell of a lot before you get good. But somehow people think that writing is meant to just come to you. It doesn’t. One way or the other, you’re going to have to apprentice to someone and learn. But, make that choice. Make a choice. Gertrude Stein at her most experimental isn’t just sitting down and writing any word that pops into her head. There’s always a method to it, a structure, some deeper idea. Teaching writing to me means helping the person learn the skills, the craft, that will allow some personality, some point of view, to be communicated. Let me ask you about that other side of communication. When you write, I always think you’re writing to me personally, and I appreciate it. I grew up in Harlem; I was born in 1974. Ah, yes. So, if we weren’t friends then, we could have been. We could have been. So, when you write, do you have an ideal reader in mind, or do you write for yourself? I have this trick. Every single book, I pick a specific person that I’m writing the book for. It’s not someone I’m extremely close to and it’s not a stranger. If they’re too close, then we have a private language, shorthand, that will keep another person out of the story. If it’s a stranger, then I won’t sound like myself because we share no intimacy. So, I pick a person who I’m medium-range intimate with, someone I went to college with that I don’t see anymore, but we’re still in touch on Facebook. A kid I grew up with, someone like that. And I specifically say, “This book is for Aki. This book is for Cameron. This book is for Genene.” When I sit down to write, I am thinking of that person. So, there’s a way that I’m making jokes that sound like jokes I would tell to him or her. I’m describing things that would make sense to that friend. I’m using slang or not using slang that would talk to them. If I’ve done a good enough job, then my hope is anyone who picks up the book will, essentially, be sitting in my friend’s chair and that reader will feel like a friend, too. I came up with this method as a way for me to get around a problem I was having early on: how to sound like a “real” writer. Well, what does a “real” writer mean? Does it mean high lyricism? Does it mean Shirley Jackson? Stephen King? Octavia Butler? The risk is that I’ll only be imitating one of those people and I’ll never sound as good as they do. So, this method of telling the story to a friend was a way to trick me out of my own insecurity, vanity, and hero worship. And to find your own voice, it sounds like. And to sound like me. I heard that. Before I knew who you were, I was like, “This dude’s from New York.” I just knew it. “That’s a New York cat. I don’t care what anybody says. That’s a total New York cat.” New York for sure. I can hear this continuity in voice, even in books as different as The Ballad of Black Tom and The Changeling. You’re very assured. You have so much authority — you take these huge chunks of time to set up the plot, but it’s not time that’s wasted. It’s time getting to know your main characters intimately, and I think you can only do that if you have total assurance in what you’re doing. Well, I’m very happy if it sounds that way in its final iteration. But it takes time to have the confidence to take your time. My earlier books didn’t have that kind of assurance. Instead, they lead with bluster and try to swagger through till the end. I’m very proud of them, but they are definitely snapshots of a young writer. Back then, I had this idea that every sentence had to be a killer. I still have that idea. Nowadays, my idea of what’s a killer sentence has changed. I used to think it has to be like a punch in the face. First sentence kinda thing. The first sentence in a story in my first book, this story called “Slave” that’s about a child prostitute — the first sentence is “Rob eats pussy like a champ.” And I was like, “Yeah! That’s what I’ve got to do!” [Laughs.] I’m still proud of the story; the story goes in interesting directions, but then, nowadays when I see a thing like that, my first thought is, “Come on. What are you trying to prove?” That’s why it’s good that I wrote that story then, because I couldn’t write it now. Right. It would have to come out a different way. I don’t have to do that now. I can say, “Hey. You wanna hear this thing? It’s interesting, but if you want to hear it I’m going to have to go back to like 1862 for just a little while to tell you these things, but I promise you it’s going to mean something to the story I gotta tell you.” That’s a different kinda energy. What’s your rush? We’ve got all night. If I do my job right, you won’t want to get away. I think because you have such a mastery of craft, even that, “Hey, let me tell you this story,” even that’s such a convention that’s used very well, but it’s the confidence with which you present that, it’s the same confidence as “Robby eats pussy like a champ.” It doesn’t have to be so, I don’t want to say vulgar, but it doesn’t have to be so … Vulgar. I think that’s right. I mean, I didn’t write that line because I wanted to be demure. The content doesn’t have to be so arresting, because you have a greater control of the form. And I was thinking about Alfred Bester. Have you ever read his stuff? I know his name, but I haven’t read his stuff. He’s pretty cool. He says the book is the boss, and you’ve got to let the book go where it wants to go, and you just follow along with it. The book is the boss. I like that. Do you agree with that? I would say that, at a certain point, the book is the boss. I don’t know his method of writing and I don’t know yours either. My old way of doing it is that I would just have an opening line, or an opening scene, and I would just write that scene and I would go from there. Go, go, go, go, go. And I would just write everything, everything, everything that came out. And then, at some point, a hundred pages, three hundred pages, whatever it was, I ran out of steam. Then I’d figure the book was done. But that’s not a book, that’s just a bunch of pages. For me, it takes two or three drafts before a real spine, a real idea, a real character became solid. “Okay, this is the territory…” That you’re going to map out. Yeah. And, where I feel the spark of energy and where I feel like I want to explore. And then that shapes the book. So, I would say that the book is eventually the boss, but it first it has to be a book. And not just a catalog of ideas. I’d like to go back to race for a second if that’s okay. Please. So, there used to be this idea that white people don’t read books by black people. Black women don’t read books by black men. Black men don’t read. Yes. These were the assumptions. Probably still are in certain circles. None of that has ever seemed to impact your career or at least the stories that you tell. You tell stories from lots of different vantage points, and I wonder if that has ever impacted you. Anyone editing your stories is like, “This doesn’t seem like a black guy story”? Do you get any of that? Well, I will say two things. We have a storage closet where I keep all of my old papers because our apartment’s not big enough to keep it all here. You’re in New York. It’s New York. And I found, just yesterday, I was looking around at all of the old rejection letters for Slapboxing. My agent sent it around the first time to eight or 10 editors. All of them rejected it, and what was interesting to look at now is that some of them were like, “This isn’t for me,” and with some distance now I respect that because I can appreciate someone who will say, “I’m not even saying that these are bad, I know I’m not the reader for this.” And then there were the folks who were like, “He’s clearly a talented writer, but these stories seem plotless, aimless, and there’s just a lot of atmosphere and place.” And I don’t think that’s wrong, but aren’t you publishing lots of MFA fiction? I’ve seen your list, that’s why we sent the book to you. Lack of plot is what you’re giving me shit for? But then, one of those eight rejections basically said, “These are powerful stories, but they are essentially not as gritty, not as grim as Push, so I can’t buy it.” At the time that the book Push came out by Sapphire. I’ve met Sapphire, did an event with her many years back, and she’s wonderful. I mean from top to bottom, she’s an excellent person and a writer I respect. A wonderful mind. So, this is not about her. But it was the first time that I had felt that thing from the establishment, the “machine.” The idea that there was a “black” story and it could be clearly delineated and, for this editor, it was Push. Now the messed-up part is that if I lacked perspective I might’ve turned my anger toward Sapphire instead of that editor. But I’d taken a few Africana courses as an undergrad and had my coat properly pulled. Sapphire’s success has nothing to do with my rejection except in the mind of this person who rejected my book. And yet, that person’s perspective wasn’t simply a “difference of opinion.” It had real-world effects. Namely, that I didn’t get my stories out in the world, and I didn’t make a little money to help me live as a writer. If enough editors think that way then, effectively, there is only one kind of black story. And if a few years, or decades, reinforce this perspective, then how many other black stories have been silenced or overlooked? The editor who finally bought my collection was a white woman who was super smart, astute, and thankfully did not have those hang-ups. Her thing was all about, “We need to make a sense of structure, some sort of feeling of movement even if there’s not a plot.” And so that helped me, number one, to see that here was this white woman who was willing to take the stories as they were, treat them seriously, not demand that I make them “blacker” or more “miserable” or more redemptive or ask, “Where’s the good white person?” She didn’t ask for any of that, and that was a great gift. She published that book and started my career, and I’ve remained eternally grateful. Then the second great luck of my career happened. I met Chris Jackson. He’s been my editor since my second book — my first novel. He’s a black man who grew up in Harlem, worked as an editor at a religious textbook publisher and is now vice president and executive editor of his own imprint at Random House. My man is a force. But he’s also someone who is familiar with my voice, my context, my history, in a global sense. There were so many things in my books that might’ve been flagged as confusing or unbelievable or not relatable by a different editor. But Chris is quite familiar with the complexity of black life, of all life, and that’s exactly what he encourages in his writers. So when I gave him my novel, Big Machine, he was like, “This is kind of Ishmael Reed and Gayle Jones.” And I’m like, “Exactly. That’s exactly what it is. Plus, the X-Men.” Right. There’s some people for whom the critiques are sometimes not about the work, they’re about not knowing the lineage in which a person is writing. And that’s their critique. It’s not about the work. Yes. It’s just them saying, “I don’t know enough about this.” But, the hard part is that they don’t realize that’s what they’re saying. There’s always the argument about representation, about diversity in who’s published. But what matters just as much is who is at those editorial desk. Who gets it through their transom and says, “I recognize this. I grew up in Alaska. I understand native culture there. I see how this fantasy novel is actually talking about native life in Alaska. And, I see how to make this thing better within that understanding.” But, if you don’t have that person on the editorial side, on the publishing side, it becomes a tougher sell. Even the most well-meaning person can’t understand every canon, can’t understand every experience. And they shouldn’t have to. But if there’s a greater variety of experiences at the publishing house, there’s at least a chance that book will find a person who can understand it. Did you read The Luminous Heart of Jonah S.? Really great book by a Persian-American novelist, Gina Nahai, and it’s the history of a curse on an Iranian Jewish family from pre-Shah times to modern-day L.A. And it’s such a Persian tale. You know the history of every character; every character gets a full history, and it comes back, a hundred pages later through their child or grandchild. It’s not structured like an American novel. And because of that — not just because of that, because of great writing, it’s a brilliant book — I’m thinking more and more about how the writer is one part, but it’s also the community around the writer that supports the book. Changing gears. Why did you choose comics, why did you choose an updated version of Frankenstein? The first independent reading that I did was comics from the spinner rack at the candy store. In a way, I’ve been spending my whole life trying to get back to them. I had to write novels in order to get to write comics. I never read Frankenstein when I was younger. I just read pieces of it here or there, and I watched movies and I read tons of comics that were inspired by it. But in 2014 or so my wife, the writer Emily Raboteau, taught a course on the literature of birth. She included Frankenstein in that syllabus. One night she said, “You think you know the book, but you don’t. You should read the whole thing.” So I read it, truly read it this time, and she was right. It was weirder, and more boring, than I remembered. It was clearly such a work of genius that I came away feeling energized, inspired. The iterations of Frankenstein that have existed follow some paths that make sense and have been wonderful in various ways, but I thought I could see a new way to play with the material. On top of everything else, Frankenstein is definitely a political work by a young woman who had been raised by an incredibly political mother. This was not a person who wrote something fantastical because it seemed like simple fun. She meant to talk seriously about the world she lived in, the times. I wanted to do the same. Why did you choose BOOM! Studios instead of trying to do something with Marvel or DC? I like BOOM!. I like the stuff that they do. They did a fun version of the Santa Claus story with Grant Morrison and Dan Mora. It’s called, simply, Klaus. I like the work they’ve done with creators like Delilah S. Dawson and Cullen Bunn. They’ve done a great comic with Saladin Ahmed called Abbott. That last one came out after my comic, Destroyer, but I mean to say I liked their sensibilities. Also, I wanted to own this idea and this property, and with Marvel and DC, you don’t have that option. That makes sense. Just tangentially. One of the things that I find fascinating with Frankenstein is that she wrote it while she was taking care of her infant son who would later die. God, yes. She found him in the crib. Yes, and it adds this extra layer of tragedy to the whole narrative. This woman writing a story about this man creating a child by putting together the pieces of the dead while her own child has died. It kills me. And her mother died giving birth to her. Right. So, she was definitely a person who was acquainted with death and also the desire to cross the boundary between the living and the dead. She might’ve been young, but she’d already been through more than many experience in a lifetime. What comic books are you reading now that get you hyped, that you want to tell your students, “Ah. You gotta check this out.” I’ve been enjoying a lot of independent comics these last few years: Manifest Destiny, Southern Bastards, Infidel, and The Wilds. Evan Narcisse’s recent run on Black Panther. My boy Mat Johson’s Incognegro. Paper Girls by Brian Vaughan. I enjoy Tom King on Batman. There’s Warren Ellis’s Injection that I think is amazing. I like Kelly Sue DeConnick’s Bitch Planet. Gabby Rivera had a fun run with America — I wish it hadn’t ended. And Shade, the Changing Girl. What are the differences in writing a novel, writing a novella, and writing a comic? You can write comics where people just talk and talk and talk and talk and you can write so that every panel is just talking. But as someone who reads comics, frankly, I hate when I open one and see 40 panels of dialogue bubbles. I put those down, because I feel that’s a writer who doesn’t understand that the words aren’t as important as the image. I’m a prose writer, I live and die by the word, but images are simply the most important part of a comic book. You read Alan Moore’s scripts From Hell and you see how much description goes into what should be in the panel. Oh my God. It’s insane. It’s insane, but it’s worth pointing out that the amount of dialogue doesn’t match the amount of description in the script. He goes on so long so the artist knows what to put inside the panel, but the characters themselves don’t need to be as long-winded. I feel this is related to the critique of literary fiction versus genre. There has to be some impetus in genre to keep the plot going. You can’t really have two people sitting at a cafe talking about whether or not to have an abortion, you know, as you could with somebody like Hemingway. That’s probably true, but I would also point out that in Lord of the Rings no one ever shuts up. They talk and talk and talk and sing and so on, and no one is doing a damn thing. I’m looking at you fucking Tom Bombadil. That said, rather than thinking of plot or action, think of visual storytelling instead. Paying attention to what people are doing, where they’re located, this kind of thing is vital to any good story. It sounds simple, and it is. So simple that most writers, in any genre, forget to pay attention to it. But those things aren’t simply about moving characters around, but about communicating something essential about each character through the actions they take. Salinger, to use a very old example, could do more with two characters smoking cigarettes than most of us do with a whole novel’s worth of story. So then there’s a lot of crossover, there’s a lot of similarity with visual storytelling. There’s no difference, if you look at it schematically. Really good literature, really good genre fiction, whatever you want to call these things, they might use different story elements, but the actual structure, the craft, is all the same. Do you think that’s the common understanding of storytelling, or do you think you’re unique in that approach? I wouldn’t say unique, but I don’t think that’s the common take. I’m thinking about the literary/genre divide here. There are a lot of people who only read one thing or another. They are well read within the genre they prefer — historical fiction, literary realism, zombie novels, but they’ve got very little experience outside of that narrow vein. And yet, almost all of us hold strong opinions about genre that we have hardly encountered at all. We swear we know what’s good or bad, when really we only know what we’re used to. Did you ever read Hellblazer? There’s a Garth Ennis issue where it’s just classic, beautiful, literary horror, where he doesn’t show it, but there’s this constant threat of a priest who is a weirdo. And then, off panel, he says, “And then the priest took out two pencils and shoved them in his eyeballs and headbutted the pew in front of him.” And I threw the comic away because, it literally shocked me, disturbed me. And it’s one of those things with comics; you can only do these things with comics. All the visual horror earlier of this priest set you up to see this guy do something horrific. And then to not see it made it even worse. Right. It is maybe a cliché of the genre but it’s usually better to keep the worst horrors just outside the panel, just off screen. How do you start a project? I used to start with a great first sentence. If it sounded like a gunshot going off, felt like a slap in the reader’s face, then I knew I was ready to begin something. Right. These days I see that tendency as a sign of my ambition but also my insecurity. I wanted to show my swagger right from the first words. But I was also deathly afraid that you wouldn’t keep reading unless I made a lot of noise. That can be effective when you’re 27, but when you’re 46 it’s just … kind of sad. You can’t be a bad boy of literature once you hit middle age. So these days my process is less about having the killer opener, and more about creating a story that will, in its entirety, affect the reader deeply. I use a book called The Anatomy of Story by John Truby as a reliable way to think about the many different aspects of a story I need to know and understand before I write. I work faster and smarter these days. My younger self would be impressed. Who’s your team? Who looks at your work before it’s polished or before it’s done? It’s my wife, Emily Raboteau. Then my best friend, Mat Johnson, my agents (Gloria Loomis and Julia Masnik), and then my editor (Chris Jackson). Those five people. I don’t tend to show it to any of them until I think it’s done. Like I mean, it’s ready to be published. And then I brace myself because it is never ready to be published. It’s only as good as I could make it on my own. That’s why I need, and cherish, every single one of them. They make my books better than I could have done on my own. I find it very interesting when authors know their stories are not working. And I guess I wonder if you have a metric, or if it’s other people’s reads on it, your team’s reads. There are plenty of times when it’s obvious to me that a scene, or a chapter, or a character, isn’t working. By that I mean they’re unconvincing. It doesn’t matter if we’re on Mars or in Montana, I simply don’t believe these characters in their actions, thoughts, or dialogue. That’s the easiest to deal with, in a way, because if I can see it’s false then I know other readers will, too. The harder part is when my readers can see the problems, but I can’t. Of course, in the end, the book is mine and I have to feel right about all the choices within it. But if readers I trust are telling me there’s a problem, then I’ve learned to listen to the critique rather than always taking their solutions. They’re telling me they’ve sensed a weak spot, but their ideas of how to fix it seem off to me. When I was younger, I might assume this meant I should just keep it the way I originally had it. Better my own flawed choices than someone else’s incorrect solutions. But now I see that they’re telling something true — this part isn’t working — and it’s not their responsibility to also tell me how to repair the issue. I go off with the pages for a while and usually, with a few days of thinking, some third option will come to me. Even if it’s not perfect, it’s usually better than what I had originally. You said Chris Jackson has been your editor for a while, now. Five out of seven of my books. How did you establish that relationship? He was the only person who wanted my second book. The rest of the world said, “Meh.” Part of this goes back to our conversation about the importance of having people on both sides of the desk, people who understand you on both sides of the desk. Chris Jackson is a black male editor. There aren’t too many of those, not in big or small publishing. So when he read the manuscript, he saw the story of a black weirdo, a black weirdo kid who is just breaking down and falling apart. And he said, “I’ve been a black weirdo kid. I can do something with this.” And my gift and curse was that most of the people who the book went to had never been a black weird kid, and had never even known a black weird kid. And so they couldn’t empathize with in a way that, say, generations of white women can understand, and mytholgize, say, Sylvia Plath, just to be specific … Yeah. They can understand the dilemma that Plath’s in and when they find books that in some way echo that experience, they go, “Oh. It’s just like The Bell Jar. That was so formative to me. I want to publish this so that it will be formative to other young women like me.” And thank god for that. That kind of continuity is vital. But if the only people in your office identify primarily with The Bell Jar, then what are you going to be publish? Lucky for me, Chris gets it. And he’s at Little, Brown now, right? No. So, he started his own imprint under Random House. One World. He’s had a really good run. Ta-Nehisi Coates, Michelle Alexander, Eddie Huang. Go to the One World website, it’s a squad. You’ve come up as Afrofuturism has been gaining steam. And yet, I don’t hear your voice in that conversation, and I wonder how you feel about that. Is that your experience, do you know why it is? I think it hasn’t come up terribly much because I don’t write Afrofuturism. I write horror. Afro-horror, is that a thing? Because I’d gladly join that crew. I just never read sci-fi or fantasy as a kid. I found sci-fi too optimistic and fantasy too, capital-R Romantic. Sci-fi, to speak way too broadly maybe, presumes that human beings will live on into the future and do things. Good or bad, humans are usually there. I’m skeptical that we will be and always have been. And fantasy seems to find a misty, storied past to be worth living in. But whenever I read books that are set in a quasi-European or North American past, I know exactly how people like me would be living. We’d be fucking orcs, if we were in the books at all. So fuck that, and fuck them. Though I admit I have been dipping into fantasy much more in recent years as folks like Maurice Broaddus and N. K. Jemisin and so many others are making their presence felt. Like, I can’t wait to unwrap Marlon James’s new novel, too. An African Lord of the Rings? Yes, please. Can I push back just a little bit? I do think Afrofuturism is a weird umbrella term that isn’t accurate; Tananarive Due is a total Afrofuturist, but all of her stuff is horror. And none of it is all that positive. And Octavia Butler: all of her projections into the future around black people generally tend to be linked in some shape or form with a new form of slavery. There’s a biological form of slavery, or a psychic form of slavery, and the polemic is, “How much are the people participating in their own slavery and how much are the struggling to get out of it?” You know what I mean? Right. So for me, Afrofuturism has very little to do with sci-fi. It’s not spaceships and faster-than-light drive, but the same themes that we’re dealing with in the present day, in the past, projected into the future. And that’s why I was putting you into that box a little bit because I see you in that. Well then I’d love to be included, if that’s the definition. For a number of years now I have been saying that I write horror, and I still embrace the term. I feel purposeful in saying this. As a result, if there is any crew of black writers who I find myself blending with they’re usually black horror folks. Tananarive Due is absolutely one them. Also, Chesya Burke, Wrath James White, Linda Addison, who has been great for a long time. But maybe none of us all fall into one category alone. It’s almost like, whoever’s making the list determines who’s Afrofuturist, who’s black horror, who’s black sci-fi, and so on. I also wonder how useful those lists are. The best use of those lists is if they can introduce readers to someone new. You love Octavia Butler? How about Nnedi Okorafor? Or you might try Justina Ireland. Tade Thompson. The danger is just for anyone to think, “I’ve written the definitive list.” Without fail, people will be making lists of their interesting but still limited reading. Right. Which is a problem that we all have. So. It would be better to choose 10 great Afrofuturists knowing that if you’re just sticking to 10, you’ve already made this list way too small. But there’s no pretense of being complete, or definitive. There are always more great books, great writers. And that’s a beautiful thing. Right. Just say that and that’d be fine. Even at this point I’d say you’re not allowed to say Octavia Butler. She’s elevated to a form where she’s just taken for granted. You’ve read her, so now what? Just like with black essayists. You can’t keep saying Baldwin … ¤ Ayize Jama-Everett is the author of the novels The Liminal People, The Liminal War, and The Entropy of Bones, and of the graphic novel Box of Bones. Originally from New York, he now calls the Bay Area his home. The post The Craft Is All the Same: A Conversation with Victor LaValle appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books. from Los Angeles Review of Books https://ift.tt/2r2ctr2

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katesjourneytofindhappiness · 6 years

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Sunday, May 6th 2018 Day 1

I feels ridiculous to be back on this silly website. But I think during the next few months it could be very therapeutic to get my thoughts in order and in the past this has been a really good outlet for me. So. Anyway. Due to recent events I am beginning a quest for self betterment. Today is Day 1. And it will go on for the rest of my life I think. It starts with me journaling again. Something I've wanted to go back to for a long time. Let this be the first accomplishment of many to come.

It feels surreal.

But I’m okay. Everything I thought I was so sure of is cloudy now, but it’s okay. I’m pretty angry with myself. But I also feel incredibly driven, angry in a positive way, if that makes sense.

It makes it that much worse that I also truly saw all of these things during the past couple weeks. And I was so ready to let all of it go, to start over, to move forward with new purpose, direction, and confidence. Stress has been eating me alive, and the jury is out on whether that is something you can control. Can you just chose to get over it? To put on a smile and actually believe it? Or is it something chemical, beyond my ability to reign in. I’m sure it’s probably a mix of both. Is it an excuse to say it’s something you can’t control? Probably.

It’s funny because everything I had put so much pressure on myself to achieve seems so insignificant now. How does any of it matter anymore? I know of course that it does, and of course I still want to make the best future for myself, but it’s as if my eyes were closed for the past year and now suddenly they’ve opened. I think the hardest pill to swallow about all of this is that I had this epiphany while watching Hector’s Journey to Find Happiness or whatever the hell it’s called, and you know that feeling when it just HITS you? Not in the typical way when you have little flashlight moments and you’re like, “ohhhhhh, hmm there’s a thought”. No, I mean one of those rare, major, life-changing moments when it’s like, “HOLY SHIT THIS IS IT!”. Well that’s how I felt a few days ago, and when I came home that over-the-top stress and anxiety should have hit me. But it didn’t. I felt really happy honestly. Aside form the unshakeable feeling that something was off. On Friday I watched this Bat-dad video and I was laughing with such care-free joy and I realized that it was all okayyyyyy. And sure, people have been telling me that for the past year of my life but this time I really felt it, really knew it.

And I was so damn excited to just start over, to be free, and happy, and lighter, and turn over a new leaf and all that cliche bullshit and I did my hair in the morning, and had real conversations with patients, and I had so much to tell him and then he started down that road and I just knew. It was all too little too late. And that really fucking sucks. I feel like I rediscovered him the last week. I realized that he was what matters, what I wanted, and whatever work I had to put in to make it work on any level was completely achievable. The previous weeks I KNEW that I was blowing it and I had that “WOAHHH RED LIGHT” conversation with myself after which I was SO DAMN READY to go a whole new direction.

I really liked who I was in the beginning. I wasn’t stressed about anything then, aside from going to acting auditions. And I was open to everything, and so excited to learn new things and try new things and see simple things. My god, that seems so long ago. And I remember I was worried about a relationship getting in the way of everything that I wanted to accomplish. And I remember at some point just completely letting go of all of my concerns and giving myself totally and completely to him because he was the best thing life. And somewhere along the line I let everything I wanted for our future get in the way of where we actually were in the moment.

It’s almost laughable because it’s like this event has completely cured me of all the stress. Like it just seems so SILLY! I guess it put everything in perspective. Like it’s all just so unimportant compared to things like friendships, relationships…. you know, the real shit.

So where to go from here…..there are a lot of things about myself that I had recently been thinking about bettering. Self betterment. And I feel like such an event forces you to face the reality of how important these things really are. I just lost the most important aspect of my life and it’s my own damn fault. Damnnnnnn, right? Fucked up. Well, I don’t want to accept that this has happened. That that’s just it. Maybe I’m not accepting it, maybe that’s why I’m surprisingly composed right now. Well regardless of what is driving this sudden alarming motivation right now (I just worked out for an hour, tf???) I’m going to run with it. Points of self betterment that I am choosing to work on now, not in the future, not when it’s convenient, now because I’ll be damned if I am EVER letting this happen again.

1. Stop being so afraid of everything. I am so afraid of dying, of terrorist attacks, of everyone I care about dying, of people not liking me (that warrants its own separate point), of cars, freak accidents, etc. This is another point that the Hector movie really made me think about. The woman who was dying on the plane said, “people who are afraid of death are afraid of life”. I used to be fearless. And thirsty for adventure. Free, reckless, light, honestly I think I used to have a really beautiful soul. Creeping on my old tumblr makes me realize that. I used to be bursting with poetry because I thought everything was so damn beautiful all the time. Where did she go? Now the idea of climbing mountains, or driving in the fast lane, going to concerts scares me because something bad could happen. Someone could die. Well you know what that’s always going to be true. But someone could also have the time of their life. They could see the most breathtaking view, share it with the most breathtaking person. They could….omg… feel alive?? And isn’t that what life is? Risking everything to get the most out of a time that’s limited no matter how cautious you are? I want to get that lust for adventure back.

2. Learn how to deal with stress. I think a lot of my first point is relevant here. I’m just generally very worried. Sometimes not even about something specific. Just generally worried, and I think a lot of that comes from fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of losing someone, fear of getting hurt. Everything always works out. The work always gets done. I know that. So I need to learn how to embrace this knowledge in the moment and let it be.

3. BE HERE, NOW. I live in the future. It’s the classic case of pushing happiness off into the future, instead of appreciating what is now. I set deadlines for myself to get things done. And I don’t mean concrete things in the sense that school work has deadlines. I mean I set deadlines for myself to have everything lining up. Like having my friend circle be healthy at the same time that both of my houses are perfectly clean at the same time that I am proficient at all of my instruments at the same time that I am working at the perfect job etc etc etc and none of it is realistic. Everything here, right now is enough. It is perfect. And it is everything that I need.

4. Learn how to cook. I need to stop being so damn helpless. A funny aspect of this situation is that I suddenly realized I have to feed myself this week. Bring it the Frick on.

5. Make time for hobbies everyday. I feel upset when I feel like I’m not doing something to better myself in a well-rounded sense, meaning I am not improving artistically. This also all goes back to a previous point I made about getting STRESSED when I don’t feel like I’m moving forward, and I mean in EVERYTHING! So even if I get a lot done in one field, I feel stagnant in another. And the problem is that I have a hard time allowing myself to take on multiple things at once. And that might sound like the opposite of what a stressed, anxious person needs but actually I think it is exactly what I DO need. I think it’s more of a stressor to expect myself to only be devoted to ONE thing all day everyday and not take any breaks or think about anything else. In this case I mean studying. There’s no reason I can’t study while also taking some time to play an instrument, or sing, or spend time with friends. It’s funny because I’m always so upset that I never write anymore. And now it’s the only thing keeping me sane.

6. Sleep. This is major. Probably the underlying root of all issues. Actually its hard for me to not blame a lot of things on lack of sleep. For example it would be easy to say that if I could just have slept then none of this would have happened. And honestly in part maybe that would have been true to an extent. Even if other issues were in play you could make the argument that it at least would have bought me some time to get my shit together. To realize what was happening. Lack of sleep causes me to be irritable, which may take life in the form of being judgemental, or moody, or passive aggressive, or getting way too upset about something small. But ultimately there are plenty of other things I need to take responsibility for and I am going to do that. By working on a lot of these other things, I think sleep will also improve. Because it is definitely largely linked to anxiety. I’ve already made an appointment with a psychiatrist who specialized in behavioural therapy for insomnia and I am very excited to start this new chapter of ZzzzzZZZzZZzzs.

7. Express vulnerable feelings. When I feel sad or hurt I often express it passive aggressively or through anger. This is not acceptable and it needs to change. It is something I am going to be working on daily, and I have decided to begin keeping track of each time I succeed and each time I fail. Additionally, sometimes I fail to express feelings of gratitude, love, or appreciation. Sometimes I feel silly telling someone I really care about them or appreciate them. I think it’s really important to express these feelings and not assume people always know how you feel.

8. Take care of my body. Start working out, build endurance. Live a long and healthy life.

9. I meant to go back to this earlier. Stop worrying about what other people think. I mean this in that I put a lot of pressure or myself when I know that it’s really important for someone to like me. I read into everything that they say and I worry about what I’m going to say back. I worry that I’m not funny enough or I won’t say the right thing and that really holds me back from having a good relationship.

10. Write poetry again.

It all just hit me and it hurts.

So. Badly.

11. Keep going.

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