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celestialrequiem · 3 years

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Days of Candy Chapter 2

Warnings: CreepyDark!Duncan Shepherd, sexual harassment, dubcon/non? (just to be safe) touching, dirty talk, possessive Duncan, abuse of power, manipulative Duncan, male masturbation, forced kiss, cockwarming, mention of rape and abuse (but none in the chapter), housewife kink, implied age gap, corruption kink, innocence kink, implied homophobia, mention of anxiety, depression and mental disorders, misogyny kink, corruption kink, sexism, implied age gap, Duncan‘s dirty thoughts, sir kink, praise kink.

Summary: In the small town of Willowdale, Y/N finds her dull life as a waitress at a mediocre diner get a little more interesting when the mysterious and daunting Sheriff takes an interest in her.

Pairing: Duncan Shepherd x Naive/shy reader

This is the first thing I ever written and posted so sorry if this is bad, please give me any constructive feedback/criticism to improve! I am new to this please don’t hate it too much lmao.

Author’s note : This series will have dubious consent and sexual harassment. It is a dark story about a Corrupt Sheriff’s who manipulates people so if you are uncomfortable with that please don’t read! This story deals hugely with sexism as its based in the late 50s/60s.

Thanks to @bloodcoatedeclipse for reading through some parts of it and giving me feedback lmaoo.

I didn’t use a lot of 50s/60s slang just two besides swell and gal

Flip your lid - go crazy

Nifty/groovy - cool or cool vibes

Word count: 5.6k

“what a perfect view doll, bend down, y’ur ass stickin out, all for me all in this lonely night”, a familiar voice said seductively

You quickly get up, feeling flustered, adjusting the hem of your skirt as you hold the mop close to your body

“Sh-sh-sheriff what are you doing here?”, Feeling nauseous because of his presence, alone, at night…after that previous incident.

“What does it look like doll? I am here to pick you up.”, Duncan says with confidence as if the question you are asking him is the stupidest he has heard

You immediately, look up to him. He was wearing a brown greaser jacket, you felt it is similar to jacket Xavier might have had…this made your heart sink, what didn’t help is when you realized how attractive he is because of the result of the rain, his beard is glistering from the reflections of the diner’s lighting despite it being dull.

You felt your heart beat.

“No, its okay its a walking distance”

“I can’t let a beautiful young dame like yourself walk alone now can I? Hop in the car once you’r are done.”

You blinked at him not knowing how to respond, you feel shy when you talk to him, always not knowing how to answer him back..maybe because he knew Xavier?

Or maybe because he had so much power as a sheriff..and you are sure he is going to be re-elected again next year. He apparently helped a lot of people to get out of debts but that makes you wonder how does he get all this money? Did Xavier know?

He seems like he is waiting for your answer, as his hands are on his waist, around his handcuffs and keys, and his lips playing with the toothpick lingering on his mouth

You easily get stuck in your head, you snap back to reality: “it is okay, you don’t need to do - ”

He interrupts your sentence, “is there something you would like to say to me doll?, cause it looks like you just don’t want my company is that it?” You felt his chest vibrate from how he uttered that question, it sounded nearly unintelligible.

You felt your heart pounding, sweat forming on your forehead. You didn't want to make him angry. “No no of course I want your company!, let me finish up and I will meet ya outside.” You agitatedly vocalize your statement while looking at the ground

He loves that he can always get his way with you. You make it so easy.

He hums in approval

“No its alright I will wait for ya, love seeing you doing those house chores like a pretty little housewife. It is a sight dollface”, he chuckles while eyeing you up and down.

You pause, feeling tensed.

“Go on, continue” as he gives himself a seat, across from you to see you working and see your face.

He does love seeing your rear, but he loves seeing you flustered when he gazes at you.

You shakily start mopping the floor, every second feels like torture. Hoping he doesn’t realize the effect he has on you.

But however he has noticed, he is mused that he has power of you, makes his cock excited

��Am I making you nervous babydoll?” He cooes, shifting his toothpick on his lip, left to right with a slyish grin

You ignore him, giving him your side angle, while mopping away from him. You give him your back figure which makes me angry and hard at the same time.

“eye on me little lady”, he says in a harsh tone, punctuating each word slowly

You respond back to him surprised with your confidence as you look at the door behind him, scared to look at him in the eyes, “can you please let me finish and you can take me home…”

“Watch your manners baby, or you are in it for a spankin’, declares it with raised eyebrows.

You blush, why is he talking to you that way? it’s not like you were his wife….

Was he that touchy and talkative with you when Xavier was your boyfriend?

Carissa has told you no, he started acting differently ever since Xavier went missing and then declared dead.

“S-sorry sheriff”, you shift back to your older position, so that Duncan can see your face, and continue mopping

He likes when you are eyes are engaging with his eyes, he is waiting for the day when you touch yourself on his bed with your legs spread wide open for his wolf-like eyes to take in the view as you chant his name like prayer to give you the command for you to finally cum, while staring at him with your chastely eyes.

As you mop the floor, motioning it back and forth towards Duncan, your curvy body was in motion as well. He hoped you didn’t re-button your dress again, as he can take in the view of your breasts jiggling again. His eyes lingering slowly all over his favourite parts of your body, your neck, lips, neck, waist and hips . He noticed how nervous you are, there were fear in your eyes, you felt naked in his eyes because of his alpha-like eyes, giving you goosebumps.

You saw his pupils dilated not sure why.

After 15 minutes of awkward silence and Duncan forcing you to look at him as you were mopping the floor, you hoped the floor looks fine and that your boss Bob doesn’t get mad the next day.

You are not going to lie, you always wanted to be in his car. It was a dream car. You have seen them a lot in magazines, you don’t know much about cars but you do know this one, 1956 Chevy Bel Air, with a unique colour. White with purple around the edges, elaborate taillight and chrome highlights.

This was the first time you got close to the car, Your head started to hurt, you stood your ground, as you remember fragments of Xavier riding a similar car but in red.

Duncan realizes you might have remembered something…fuck fuck fuck, he hoped you didn’t remember what he didn’t want you to remember..

His hands grips your hand to make you snap out of it before you dig deeper into your suppressed memories.

“you alright there, doll?” Faking his concern you don’t know that, as he opens the door for you to hop in

“Ye..ah..” I am fine” you softly respond. His hand leaves your hand and goes to your back to shift you to get into his car.

You hop in his car, the car felt new, smell of leather with a mix of aged.. cigarettes smoked probably by Shepherd.

The car ride was silent.. he has an old song playing which makes it even more unbearable.

Midnight with the stars and you

Midnight and a rendezvous

Your eyes held a message tender

Saying "I surrender all my love to you

“How old is this song anyway?” You mention in annoyance with your right hand on the the rest that is placed near the door handle

Duncan has a wide smile on his face, happy that you are finally making a conversation with him.

“it’s from the 1930s I believe.....besides I don’t like the weird music you youngsters listen to nowadays..what was it Elvis Presley and The Beatles? They aint manly, jiggling all around with their bobby haircuts” removing his hands from the steering wheel to motion with his hand the disapproval.

You giggle, and his heart skips a bit. Fuck. He couldn’t believe he made you giggle. Xavier always made you giggle and it frustrated him.

“The Beatles are swell….but James Dean has my heart. I loved his style in that movie, particularly his red jacket in Rebel Without a Cause.. it’s nifty.” You state swoonly as you gaze out of the window.

Midnight brought us sweet romance

I know all my whole life through

I'll be remembering you, whatever else I do

Midnight with the stars and you

He thought maybe that’s why you liked Xavier, he bought a similar red jacket as James Dean from the film several days after meeting you. Xavier also had that rebel vibe to him. He remembered his friend as well being a fan of Marlon Brando hence why he wanted to be an actor. To move out of the suburbs, to go to the dreamland..to Hollywood with you. You used to always want to be around him, he didn’t let the deputies patrol the drive in, since he always saw you there with him. He hated seeing you with his friend but he can’t help himself, he wanted to always be near you, see you and to one day feel your skin on his skin.

His jaw clenched and his brows furrowed as he starts to get jealous over a dead man.

You noticed his face seems boiling from rage as his hands gripped forcibly the steering wheel…you don’t know why. Scared to ask so you just continue gazing at the view in locomotion from the car window, as your sheer scarf around your head blowing from the impact of the window.

You loved the aftermath of the rain, the order after the chaos.

After a few minutes, The sheriff parks in front of your house. It’s 12 AM.

The house you lived in was basic, owned by your deceased father. It was a small house with a small balcony, it looks a little bit like a tree house. Wooden with no paint job. With a white door to enter the house, two small front steps and a small terrace, where you tend to read the Woman magazines.

He can’t wait for you to live in his house. Especially since he is a veteran who served in the Second World War, the government provided him with the perfect suburban American Dream home.

“Thanks for the ride, Sheriff.” you shyly state, about to open the door of his fancy car.

“Nah -ah -ah not too fast, you have to be punished.” He sings in a mocking tone with a daunting smirk.

You were nervously fidgeting, you don’t know why maybe because you are worried you might have done something that might be incriminating especially with your memory loss situation.

“What? What for?” you gullibly ask, looking up to him.

“You lied to me, you told me you had a doctor appointment when it fact you finish your shift late, kitten” , you see him remove the toothpick that was on his plump lips and put it on the ledge behind the steering wheel.

Oh thank God-

but why should I be punished for this? You didn’t know what to say to him so you just look at his eyes, waiting for any instructions.

He remarks that, he loves how obedient you are to him.

“Come closer, suga’r ” he taps his chest motioning you to come closer to him

What is the punishment? Is he going to spank me?

But we are not married why would he??

You timidly move close to him, refusing to make eye contact with him.

He lifts up your chin, bringing your face near his and your gaze to his.

“Kiss me or else I won’t let you leave this car”, Duncan whispers seductively as he shuts your window’s car seat and secures that your door is locked, trapping you in.

“..N…no..o” Duncan this isn’t right”, you respond back.

As you shift back to your seat, Duncan aggressively grips your waist with his right hand and grips your chin with his left hand, forces you into a kiss and he goes deep and sensual, demanding access to your mouth but you instantly deny him entry.

This angers him, he aggressively yanks your hair, you gasp giving Duncan the chance to insert his tongue, he needed to taste your mouth.

You try biting his upper lip, he decides to lift up your weak body from your seat, manhandling you, without breaking from the kiss, you feel his strong hands spank you harsh. You whimper loudly.

This made his cock twitch, lust filling him at the thought of your spanked, bare ass turning into crimson-like imprints by his own hand; or by the paddle with his name engraved, so that his name can be imprinted on your ass…maybe next time.

He is waiting for you to make a bad move again so he can discipline you this way, even if you weren’t his bride yet.

You break the kiss gasping for air, “D..Duuncan..stop” you panted with watery eyes, trying to break away from his grasps, with your hands pushing his muscular chest. He didn’t take no for answer. Removing your hands out of the way with his claw-like hands and putting them around his broad back. He then forcefully dragged you onto his lap to straddle his thick thighs, “be a good girl now, you don’t want to be spanked now don’t you?”

He linked his lips with your lips with urgence and dominance. His tongue dancing with yours, wet and minty from the flavoured cigarettes he tends to smokes.

You felt one of his hands leave your waist and lingering underneath your skirt to cup your clothed sex.

A deep growl leaves his chest

He dreamt of touching this pussy for years. Your soft and squishy puffy lips felt so good on his rough manly hand.

You let out a soft gasp with eyes wide open in surprise, and broke away from the kiss to come up for air, a string of saliva connecting your lips.

Duncan grabs your chin, not giving you a second to breath and continues his assault on your lips and your clothed pussy. His middle finger going from your slit all the way to your swollen clit while his index and his forefinger are on your lips, touching you slowly with his hand. He wanted to make you wet before you left.

Your face flushed, you don’t remember if you reached that base with Xavier yet or not…he was your first boyfriend.

This felt forbidden, having his hands all around you.

You felt like you wanted to go to the bathroom, you were worried it might have been your period?

His tongue feels like hot water burning your skin. He claimed your mouth with intensity. You feel your knees weakened, Duncan filling all your senses.

You are so close to his body, your head in the crook of his neck, eyes closed, you feel his warmth and felt his heart beating quick. You put your hands on his golden badge situated on his right chest, reflected in the moon light, to try and push him away, but he didn’t budge.

he left your assaulted mouth, hearing you panting heavily, and started licking at the column of your neck, his hand leaves your pussy and goes to your bared fleshed upper thigh, his hand moving in a reciprocating motion.

You felt his beard tickling your left check and your neck, His hot soft grunts and warm breath sends shivers down your body and to your aching pussy

Not sure if it’s lust? Is this how you felt with Xavier ?

You bit down on your bottom lip trying to hold back a sob or was it a moan?

“Duncan, I don’t feel good”

He knows he is making you feel good, you just need guidance that’s all.

“Why are you moaning then huh?” He chuckles, you felt his chest vibrating from his laughter, giving you goosebumps.

“give in baby, let me take care of you, that’s what Xavier would’ve wanted” he mutters darkly

your stomach twisting into a nervous knot, is this what Xavier would’ve wanted?

“Re-ally?” You utter quietly with a blush heating up around your neck and cheeks.

He didn’t hear you. Thank God

he gets closer to your ear and whispers,“Knew you’d taste so sweet, just like candy, I wonder what’s the rest of you taste like hm?”

He aggressively bites your earlobe, his hot breath danced on your ear, “I bet just like those pancakes you serve me every morning, thick and creamy.” In a lustful tone.

You squirmed uncomfortably on his lap, felt something touch your stomach, he lets out a profound loud rumble, you look up at him out of shock, his wide blown eyes have now darken.

He looks at your lips that is now glistering and swollen from the kiss, he finally marked a part of you with his spit, he can’t wait to corrupt your other holes.

He decided to let go, this was enough to get him by in the meantime.

You felt his hand loosening around your waist. You take that chance to go back to your seat.

“I….I.. think you need to leave Sir, thanks for the ride”, your hands nervously twist with each other on your lap as you mentally facepalm yourself

“Sir” where did that come from?

Hearing you call him Sir made him groan silently and made his cock stir painfully against the zipper of his pants.

His already rigorous cock getting harder. Duncan trying to recollect himself and not fuck you for the first time in the backseat of his car.. he thought you deserved better than that..a shy innocent young server…probably a virgin.

Well he hoped you still were a virgin, he hoped that fucker didn’t take your virginity. he wanted to claim you for himself, every part of you.

“Why don’t you leave then birdie?”

You felt your thighs automatically clenched and your pussy tingling.

he never called you that, why did you like him calling you that?

Duncan saw your legs clamping together and took note of that. He also didn’t realize you can blush harder than that….you realized you were in his car….idiot

You got out of his car and you heard Duncan tsk out of annoyance, “where is your manners kitten?”

Whats up with him? You thought to yourself.. you thanked him before why do you have to thank him again?

You did not care anymore, you just wanted to back home without any problems and arguments

You huffed in annoyance, “Thanks for the ride Sheriff.”

You uncomfortably felt him linger at your figure as you walked back to your house.

He loves seeing you in motion.you move better than the waves of the ocean, smoothly and flawlessly. His steel blue eyes scanned you up and down, consuming in your body with hunger; that waitress dress in pale blue making you look even more innocent and seductive, an odd combination. He believes only you can do that, besides Marilyn Monroe.

He hoped he can see you from your window, with no curtains or an open curtain, so that he can watch you domestically, wondering how you look like touching yourself when you feel needy at night, if you did touch yourself.

You entered home safe and sound then the realization hit you…. how does he know where you live? You didn’t give him your address? But then again he is the sheriff, he probably has access to all that information but …does he know everyone’s address by hard?..you doubt that. Maybe he visited you with Xavier?

After he saw you close the door, he paused for a second to relish the taste of you left on his lips and was about to put his key back to the ignition, until he saw something interesting.. that made him much harder than he already was… your arousal on the seat of his car.

He reclined his head back to the head restraint,

“Fuck.. you are trying to kill me doll?"

He was so tempted to taste your arousal… he felt like an animal as he brought his index to his seat that was tainted with your nectar and brought it back to his lips.

A hungry growl grumbled in his chest, “tastier than any fuckin candy”

His chest was full of pride, he was glad he made you wet. Not Xavier. Him

He opens his car’s compartment, there lies a stolen panty of yours covered in blood from that day, he didn’t want your fresh arousal going to waste, mixing it with your bloody panty.

After arriving home that day because of sexual urges, he relieved himself to thought of you for a second time, with his left hand holding your used panty from a year ago and his right hand unbuckling his belt, to reveal his throbbed cock. He smeared on his long length, the pre-cum leaking at the head.

Working on his cock, he brings your panty to his nose to sniff your dried blood blended with your womanhood scent, it smelled pure and sweet just like you. To make himself cum faster, he thought of you coming to his office one day during your break and cockwarming him on his lap while he finishes up paperwork, imagining your painful whimpers, you fidgeting in his lap because you are finding it hard to adjust to his cock because of how big he was, he imagines his cock bottoms out in your tight pussy, and how you wet walls clenches around his big cock.

“Dun..c.an, you are too big”, you whine with a giggle, shifting it into a squeal

“Call me sir, love it when you call me sir darlin’”, he growls in your ear

“Sir” , he imagines you whimpering through tears from his cock’s intrusion in your narrowed pussy

“Dollface, you are taking me so well, taking me all in” he praises you in a slightly low deep voice

A groan leaves his chest as he starts pumping his erected length harder, going from the bottom all the way to the top, twisting his tip, and then back down.

He envisions his pelvis rubbing against your mound and clit, your pussy being pink and wet engulfing his cock, while his right hand is feeling your soft and pulpous butt cheek. Your chest is heaving right in front of his predatory eyes, he decides to save the lustful images of him sucking your tits and nibbling your areola another time.

He imagines your voice in his ear, calling him sheriff, sir, daddy and begging him to start fucking you.

As he is about to reach his high, his thrusts gets sloppier with his sticky hands, chanting your name like a prayer over and over again.

Groaning louder as his cock twitches, moaning your name louder as ropes of white soaks his hand, and soaking your panty a bit with his cum.

Tired to change out of your clothes, you quickly go to your bed situated on the left side of your room. You feel the most peaceful in your room, the only time you don’t feel like someone is watching you despite the reoccurring nightmares ever since the incident.

With the floral window curtains. Roses and daisies on a shelf next to a concealed window, giving floral scents all around your room to help calm your nerves and help you fall asleep. At least that was what your doctor had recommended as repression memories if stayed long-term can cause emotional health problems like anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

You immediately shift to the deep slumber of sleep, out of exhaustion.

You wake up the next day 10:30 am. You slept well that day oddly enough, a peaceful sleep. You were happy since you haven’t had any nightmares the past few days. That happiness shifted when you realized the sensual incident that happened in public, and you don’t know how you will be able to work in the diner again, especially how small this town is. You will be the talk of the town again, because obviously that situation had to be with the fucking Sheriff.

At least for today, you had the day off today. You told your Boss Bob that you have an appointment with your doctor at 1 pm, and since you closed the diner yesterday he decided to leave you off the hook.

You made yourself some coffee, and went to your closet that was attached to the wall to choose an outfit. You decide to go with a yellow pastel cardigan with a yellow gingham dress that has a spaghetti strap, wear some rouge lipstick and yellow pale eyeshadow with your hair tied into a pony tail.

You then passed sometime on TV watching Bewitched re-runs, and called Carissa at around 12:30 pm during her break to check in on her brother.

Your hands swirling around the cord waiting for someone from the diner to pick up.

Selma answers, “Hello, Welcome to Jukeburgers, the best milkshakes in town!, what can I do for ya today!” You could hear Venus by Franke Avalon playing and muffled voices in the distance, seemed surprisingly busy today.

You answer loudly, “hey Selma, it’s Y/N, can you pass the phone to Carissa!”

“Oh, Y/N how you been? I heard from Adam about what happened with the Sheriff, so y’all a thing now huh?… You went for the old powerful friend.” Selma teases, her laughing echoing from the speaker.

Your heart felt like it was going to burst from your chest, you knew this was going to happen. Trying to sound strong and not in the verge of crying, “Whatever Selma, pass the phone to Carissa” your fingers twisted the cord nervously.

Selma just snickers and you hear her shouting out Carissa’s name to grab the phone

“Hey Y/N?”

“Cari!, I wanted to check up on you with Richard… you didn’t get to tell me what exactly happened…. is everything okay?” You utter in a concerned tone, gripping the phone handle harder.

“yeah yeah, we had to go to the hospital again, he got beat up again, but he didn’t wanna tell me why” you hear her voice quivering on the other side.

You know Carissa is worried about him, as well as about his town finding out about his lifestyle.

She continues,“ You know Richard, I don’t want him to get locked up again, especially this town…views anyone that goes to the mental hospital… as lunatics”, you hear her voice quivering on the other side.

You remember Richard telling you that the Sheriff bailed him out the first time so now he owes the sheriff twice.

Why twice?

Was it because of his relationship with Jim Mason?

Does his sister know?

To not worry his sister, he sometimes tells you things that she doesn’t know and you were like Carissa to him. His big sister.

You snap out of your thoughts when you heard Carissa sniffling.

You hated hearing your friend’s sadness echoing from her voice, hoping you were there to hug her. “ I am glad he is okay at least, I miss seeing Richie, I will talk to him whether I get the chance… and you are right.”

You thought about what Carissa thought.

This small boring town feeds on gossip. It made you worried about Xavier’s parents…finding out about yesterday’s incident. Between the last girlfriend of their deceased son and one of his friends in an intimate scene.

What doesn’t help is that Xavier’s parents invited you and Duncan for dinner next week.

“He actually didn’t come today its as if he knows you might-“

You look at the time while you were on the phone, It was 12:40. Your eyes widen out of anxiety of being late. You cut your friend off without letting her finish the sentence.

“Oh shoot Carissa, I have to go now, my appointment is in 20 mins!”

“I really hope all goes well with the appointment, I know I tell you a thousand times but…I don’t really trust that doctor to be honest with ya” she admits assuredly

There was a small pause, because you didn’t really know how to react to that. He was the cheapest Doctor that you can afford. You really had no choice.

Carissa breaks the awkward silence, “well let me know what happens, hope it goes well!” She suddenly sounds different..and hopeful. Makes you happy that you can at least end the call with her tone shifting positively.

“Yeah.. I hope so.. bye Cari” you say weakly with a soft smile

The line goes dead.

You have been going to the doctor 11 months ago, it was recommended by the doctor who helped with your bruises and aided your surgery, Matt Rogers. Since there was nothing particular wrong with your brain scans. He thought it might be something psychological, and he was right. Your neurologist doctor Dr.Barnes, said it is due to trauma that your memories are repressed. Dr. Barnes said it is possible to have specific memories of people, locations and events repressed when it is too hard to bear. He also said It is possible for memories of abuse that have been forgotten for a long time to be remembered….you hope it isn’t related to abuse.

You feel nervous going to his office, you are honestly terrified of the idea of regaining back your memories, what if you find something really disturbing about yourself? About Xavier? How did you get those bruises? Why were some of your clothes missing? Why going to the doctor all those months didn’t help as much? Actually at all?

His office is located not that far off from the the Police department, in the neurology department of Willowdale public hospital.

“Welcome back Miss Y/N, please have a seat” signalling you to take a seat in front of his desk.

It doesn’t help that his office has muted painted walls, changed from age and a faint smell of mouth wash.

“So Y/N, has there been any recent changes?”, He asked while he scanned over your file.

“I finally have a small fragment of Xavier..in my head..” You pinpoint to right side of your forehead.

He knew about your relationship with Xavier and that you don’t remember much of it. It's weird how your brain almost erased that incident and Xavier out of your head.

“Finally some great news, please tell me more!” He lowered your files to give you his undivided attention

“I..I don’t remember the incident, or any memories that I shared with him, just that Xavier had a similar car to Sheriff’s car, but a red version of it.”

There was a torturing pause, you look at your doctor, he seemed lost in thought with brows hollowed and biting his lower lip, he seemed anxious while clicking his retractable pen

You felt tension in the air, when you mentioned the Sheriff..but why?

He breaks a heavy smile,“Well, that’s great news to hear, maybe being around the Sheriff might be in your favour huh?” he chuckles with a Chesire’s smirk on his face

Oh fuck. He probably heard about the incident that happened yesterday.

Your cheeks turn red as you turn your head to the left side of the room, focusing on the wall full of his certificates and accomplishments.

“Oh sorry, Y/N, that was unprofessional..covering his face with his hand, and then went back to look at your files

"No it’s all good Dr.” You gulped and nodded.

He clears his throat and asks, “ any nightmares lately?”

You shake your head, “I haven’t had one the past few days”

He nods while holding your file, “Good, Good. Are you taking the medications regularly at the appropriate time?”

“Yes…. but I haven’t remember anything that much sadly, is it supposed to take that much of a time?” You ask confusedly

“the brain is a complex neurological system, you can’t force its responses.” thrusting out his lips in displeasure

You feel like you are wasting not only your time but also your money. But he is a doctor that you can afford so you have no other choice?

“Ah, I see, well as long as I get some answers pretty soon.” You look down on his Brintons carpet.

You felt your chest tightened out of sadness, will you ever find out what truly happened?

“So far, we are not sure if it is going to be a short term memory or long term memory loss Y/N, so what you can do is keep taking the medications, and you will be eventually get better Miss Y/N”

You nod with a fake smile.

Do you have a choice?

Duncan knew you were at the doctor today, he wish he was able to follow you, but he had a huge workload today. He wanted to see what kinda doll-like outfit you wore today. He particularly liked you in pastel colours and plaid skirts.

It was his break now. He was waiting a call from a certain someone.

Clock ticking, and his legs bouncing up and down waiting for that fucker to call.

Phone rings once

Duncan takes the call.

“Whats the update?”

“Hi Sheriff, he continues "Well, your sweet gal remembered something..”

Duncan eyes widen, and his hands grips the cord aggressively

“What does she remember?”, Duncan says in a threatening voice

“She remembers he had the red car….. the one you got rid of”

His Adam apple gulps out of nerve but he is relieved you still don’t remember what happened that day.

“You fucker, you said those medications well help her not remember a fucking thing-“ his voice getting louder.

“Hey, hey, hey calm down there sheriff, no need to lose your temper, she hasn’t remember anything the past goddam 11 months! And I haven’t even tried hypnos-

“Listen you fuckin cunt, if she remembers anything I swear to God- I will put you in jail for your multiple-“ he chastised with a harsh tone.

“Alright Alright! No need to flip your lid! I will see what I can do to not make her remember a thing”

“You better, or else I will make you lose your fuckin job and lose your pitiful wife” Sheriff expresses in an authoritative sound and hangs the phone stridently.

The Doctor had multiple rape attempts done. Duncan was called several times because of noise complaints, hearing ladies crying or screaming in multiple occasions at night, in drive-ins, parks and carnivals. 4 out of 10 times, it was Duncan who stopped the rape from occurring but he didn’t bring it up to the police department, and instead used this knowledge in his favour and out of power to gain information about his girl, when he discovered that he was going to be her neurologist, and to use him to manipulate her medications or her so that she doesn’t remember a thing.

He will do anything to make you not remember. He is shaping you to be his perfect little housewife. He got this far and he is not going back.

some songs mentioned in the chapter

https://open.spotify.com/track/3dDtXviPnTfLUg111MuTic?si=0d4f2a331a244100 - Midnight and The Stars and You by Ray Noble

https://open.spotify.com/track/2uwP4d0aVAo90aet6UnaRK?si=dc41f548d3324c9d - Venus by Frankie Avalon

Taglist: @instincts-baby @9layerdevilfoodcake @beautyiswithinchaos @langdons-pinkyring @bloodcoatedeclipse @plymptxn-reborn @5am-cigarette @anakinsslag @michaellangdonstanaccount @rexellaaa @jimmason @devilish-hecate @angelicmichael @car241 @kitty4860 @deliciousartpoliticsdean @sojournmichael @ritualmichael @darkladyslytherin

@luciahoneychurch @saamwilsonn @chicaluna2410 @honeyblossom56

@codysprincexx @thatbit5 @wasteland-babe

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drummergirl231 · 3 years

Note

Hey DG! Been following ur blog for a year now, and i love your positive support to this fandom :)

Do you think Apritello in 2012 was in any way abusive/toxic looking back not that the show is over?

I don’t think this myself at all, i just wanted to know your opinion on this claim because i trust your judgement.

Oh wow, thank you so much! Sorry I’m not really active on this blog anymore (though I’m still around and still compulsively check it lol). But I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my past posts! (My apologies for my lack of gifs in this post; my Apritello gifs aren't on this computer.) As for Apriltello being toxic or abusive, I wouldn’t label it as such. They certainly had their moments where each of them said or did the wrong thing, but they’re teenagers who have no idea what they’re doing, romantically or in life in general. But they learn and grow as individuals over the course of the show, and in doing so, they grow closer together.

Let’s start with Donnie. One of the major complaints I’d hear about him was that he once kinda wound up stalking April back in Season 2, which we all agree wasn’t healthy for either of them.

Now, disclaimer/PSA: Ladies, if a guy is following you around without your consent, do not try to rationalize it. You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s head in real life. If someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, don’t gaslight yourself, or try to justify his behavior, or try to see it from his perspective (which you can’t be sure of anyway). Just get away and stay safe.

With Donnie, he’s a fictional character, so we, the audience, did get to see things from his perspective, and he wasn’t following her with creepy intentions. He wanted to talk to her and patch things up, but he wasn’t totally sure how to approach her, and used that time hopping from rooftop to rooftop trying to figure that out. What he should’ve done is figure that out from home while giving her space. But he’s a teenager who grew up in isolation from the world, not even watching as much TV as his brothers, and he's learning how to socialize for the first time. It doesn’t make his behavior correct, but it makes it easy to forgive so long as he learns and grows from it, which he did. Besides, there was an alien race after April. Keeping an eye on her wasn’t a completely terrible idea. He should’ve just gone about it differently.

Another complaint I’d hear about Donnie was that he still wanted to protect her, even after she’d learned to fight and control her powers, like in her fight with Shinigami, for example. To which I offered the counter-argument: what kind of jerk would Donnie be if he just stood there and didn’t care that the woman he supposedly loves was getting her butt handed to her? The writers needed to show Donnie distressed over April being hurt, but they also needed to have Raph hold him back, because it really was April’s fight. His desire to protect her wasn’t because he thought she was weak or incapable. It was simply because he loves her and hates to see her hurt. A third complaint I’d hear against Donnie was that his feelings persisted a long time. One blogger even referred to Mikey’s crushes on multiple girls as the most “realistic,” out of the turtles’ romances. It may be more relatable to that particular blogger, but it’s not unrealistic to have feelings for one person that persist a long time. I had a huge crush on a guy friend from 5th grade through 10th grade, and that crush resurfaced briefly during my senior year. Some feelings can’t be switched off at will, so what matters is how you handle those feelings while you have them. And while Donnie didn’t always know the best way to handle them, he was a teenager, perfectly entitled to his mistakes, and not toxic or abusive towards April.

Now it’s April’s turn. This teenage girl lost her mom under mysterious circumstances at a young age, then lost her dad (multiple times throughout the series) to an alien race that was ultimately after her so they could terraform the planet. She lived alone a lot of the time, and still had high school, extracurricular activities, and massive secrets to keep. That’s a lot for a minor to deal with. Now add having a big mutant turtle friend awkwardly crushing on you. Would any of us have known how to handle that at that age? Most of us didn’t even know how to handle crushes on fellow humans at that age. For much of the show’s earlier seasons, Donnie’s flirtations and near-confessions came at times when April was up to her eyeballs in chaos she didn’t know how to handle.

She got a lot of crud from fans in particular for kissing Donnie right after he’d told her he understood he was making her uncomfortable and he’d back off, especially because Donnie said after the kiss he understood nothing and he was even more confused than before.

As a fan, I love the kiss. As a grown-up, I gotta say it wasn’t the best decision she could’ve made in that moment. Actions may speak louder than words, but for someone like Donnie, words would’ve been a lot easier to understand. I think what went on in this scene was that April finally realized she did have feelings for Donnie. She wasn’t ready for a relationship with everything going on, but she didn’t want Donnie to give up on her just yet. At the start of the next episode, a still-confuzzled Donnie tried showing off in front of her again (“Check me out, April!”) and she ignored him and walked right on past, further confusing Donnie and irritating the fans. But I think April was trying to overcorrect. Maybe even she thought the kiss was going a little too far, and she was trying to make sure Donnie knew she didn’t want a relationship yet. April’s biggest crime as far as Apritello goes was just not verbally communicating with Donnie. She was young and it was a weird situation and she didn’t know how to handle it.

But after that moment, things did change between them. They really started getting closer as friends, which became a wonderful foundation for them. Donnie started to relax around her a little more, which helped her relax around him, and her feelings were allowed to develop without pressure. They care about each other, protect each other, fight for each other, and respect each other. Things were awkward between them at first, and they did inadvertently hurt each other here and there, but they just needed to grow up a little. I mean personally I don’t think anyone should even date before their prefrontal cortex reaches maturity at age 25, but I don’t think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could ever go on that long. lol

#apritello #long post #tmnt 2012 #tmnt donnie #tmnt april

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catzula · 4 years

Text

》 Kiss it better

a/n: 200 followers guys, thank you so much for that! I feel like I should do something to celebrate, but I have literally no ideas. If you have any suggestions, please tell me!

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem!reader

Warnings: Bullying -a lot-, angst, tons and tons of fluff

》Synopsis: You, one of Nekoma’s cheerleaders, made a bet with the captain of the Nekoma Volleyball team, that they’re going to lose to Aoba Jouhsai in the upcoming match. And- you’re failing chemistry.《

"Sensei, please don't do this." You begged. "I really want to go!"

Your teacher's eyes wandered on your pleading face, and she sighed.

"I don't get any say in this. You're failing chemistry, and if you don't pass this make-up exam, I can't let you go to the match."

You knew her answer was final, so you sighed, trying not to cry. This was supposed to be your first match, and you couldn't even go! "At least let me attend the training? Just so that if a miracle happens, I'll be ready?"

She shrugged. "If you think you can pass the exam and attend training, why not? I don't really care what you do, to be honest, as long as you pass."

Yeah, that's not happening, you thought but held your tongue.

"Oh, come on, don't look so grim. You're a smart girl, I'm sure you'll do it."

Though it did feel nice having her believe in you, you just couldn't be as positive as she was, but you managed to fake a smile. "Yeah, I'm sure it'll be okay. I still have to go back before I'm too late, though." This was the first time you were going to train in your cheerleading outfit, and you were too excited to see it on yourself.

She sent you a sympathetic look as she ruffled your hair slightly and went her way. You sighed. Chemistry was something you just weren't able to comprehend. Regardless of how much you studied that damn subject, you could swear you just got worse.

You quickly changed into the bright red two-piece outfit, it had black stripes on the sides and a big NEKOMA right on your chest. The black and red skirt was a little too short for your liking, but who were you to complain? You were just happy you even got to wear it.

"You're late." The captain told you as she saw you entering the gym. The rest of the team was already in their places, practicing, but stopped when they too noticed you.

"I'm sorry, I was with sensei." You apologized with a smile. "What did she say?" She asked, her large, green-blue eyes looking at you curiously. She was the same age as you, though she had a way of making you feel... smaller next to her.

"I- uh..." You looked at the girls that stared back at you with slightly narrowed eyes, making you feel a bit self-conscious. "I- I'm failing chemistry, so I have to take the exam next week. She told me I can't go to the match if I fail."

You thought the topic would be over, but apparently not. "And?" She asked, confusing you with the question. "And?" You repeated.

"Are you going to fail?" She questioned, looking at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I hope not." You faked a giggle, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of the girls, judging you.

"You should tell us if you're going to fail, you know. So that we can add you to the choreograpyh."

"O-oh, don't worry." I'm sure I'll do fine." Oh, you were anything but sure, though you figured it was better if you didn't tell her that.

"Good. Then get to your position. You have the choreography memorized, right? Last time you were a bit... sloppy." You tried to ignore one of the girls giggling. "Yeah, I know it all by now."

Finally, she smiled. You weren't sure if the smile was genuine or not, but just seeing her smile made you feel relaxed. "That's really nice, Y/N-chan!" She clapped her hands to gain attention. "Now, let's start before the volleyball team comes."

Everybody knew that was the opposite of what she actually wanted since her crush on the volleyball team's captain was now more than known, but you chose not to call her out. You knew she wasn't a fan of you already, so it was better to keep your mouth shut, you decided.

You didn't know why, but the girls seemed to have something against you since they always did their best to exclude you from things, though you tried not to think much about it.

When the captain started to count, you stopped thinking and danced along instead.

***

"Aah- that was tiring. She's too ruthless sometimes!" A girl from your team exclaimed as she sipped on her water, eyeing the pretty captain. The captain was known to be one of the prettiest girls in school and was frequently asked out by guys, though most were aware she only had eyes for one man. It had been a big surprise to everyone when Kuroo had rejected her, though.

Almost every girl in school had a crush on Kuroo, thinking of him as this cool, cold guy that had rejected even the prettiest girl in school, but in reality, he was just too busy with volleyball and his lessons. To be fair, you wouldn't have known he was a huge dork either if you weren't in the same class with him and had this weird friendship/arch enemy thing going on, either.

You weren't exactly friends with him, though. More like bickering constantly, but also having weird inside jokes. You were close but also...not friends. Maybe that was why the girls didn't like you, since you always argued with the guy they wanted to date. But it wasn't your fault he was too much fun to tease!

Teasing Kuroo was something you couldn't stop yourself from doing, and you weren't the only one that liked to make fun of the other, since Kuroo always managed to pick a fight with you, too. It wasn't genuine arguments, more like challenges, dares and bets, -you joining the cheering team was a dare you had with Kuroo, too- and because of the constant challenges you had with their captain, the volleyball team loved you, too.

"I think they're coming!" A girl whisper-yelled, causing everyone's eyes to turn to the door. She was right since the loud laughs, footsteps, and jokes were hard to miss as they approached the gym door.

Kuroo was the first to enter, his hair as messy as ever, one of his arms was on Kenma's head, just showing how much longer he was than him.

You watched as Kenma's eyes averted to the big group of girls watching them, his eyes widening with anxiety as he turned his gaze immediately to the ground, causing his hair to fall in his face and hide him.

"Oh, hey Kuroo-Kun!" The captain exclaimed with a bright smile as she went towards them, hopping like a bunny.

"Hey." He greeted her back, the sleazy smile on his face causing your heartbeat to double, even though you didn't want to admit. "I thought you said you were going to be done with training by four." You knew Kuroo didn't mean it negatively, though the captain looked like she was panicking, looking around frantically to find a good excuse.

"Ah, w-we have a newbie, you see. We kinda had to move slower for her to catch up." She finally answered as her eyes found yours, though instantly turned back to Kuroo's cat-like ones.

You grimaced at the sudden attack, trying to stop yourself before you blurted out that she was lying. You understood why she would do so, but you hated it when people used you in their lies. "Oh, a newcomer," Kuroo muttered, his eyes wandering in the room lazily, as he tried to find your figure. Of course, Kuroo knew you were new in the team, he was the one who challenged you in the first place, but the cheerleading team didn't know that, and neither of you had the intention to tell them.

"She just came, so she's still pretty slow." The captain continued with a small giggle, her words making your heart sink. It was true, you were new, but you had been practicing the last few weeks, and you had almost caught up with the rest, so it wasn't fair of her to say so.

Though Kuroo seemed to pay her no mind, instead, he walked towards you with a grin on his face. "New meat!" He joked -it was really bad, though you managed to force a laugh out- and the captain followed him, now both standing next to you and watching your every move like animals watching its prey.

Kuroo seemed like he wanted to chat with you, though before he could do so, the captain sighed. "Though we're not sure if she's even going to be able to come to the match."

Your eyes narrowed, but you chose to stay silent.

"Why is that?" Kuroo asked, confusion evident on his face with the sudden and unwanted information. "Oh, she's failing chemistry, so sensei didn't let her come to the match."

"If I fail the exam, I won't be able to come." You added when she talked about it like you had already failed. "Oh, yeah! That's what I said." She told you with an innocent smile.

You would have said something, but before you could do so, you heard the familiar sound of a volleyball hitting the ground. The captain's eyes gazed at Lev, who had just done a spike and was screaming victoriously. "Guess that means our time is over." She giggled like what she said was funny.

"The practice is over girls, go get some rest!" She ignored the grunts of relief coming from your team and turned back to Kuroo. "You know, it was nice seeing you. Don't you think we should do this more often?"

You really didn't want to hear them flirting, so you went to change your clothes without saying anything to them.

***

You were the last one to finish changing and stepped out of the room as you tried to detangle your headphones. You were so concentrated on doing so, that you didn't even see the boy leaning to the wall, watching you.

"Hey," he muttered, making you shriek in surprise. The way your widened eyes looked at him, he couldn't help but giggle.

"What the fuck, Kuroo!" You exclaimed, trying to get the shock wash away as you breathed deeply. "Hey, I'm the 6'2 (187 cm for people like me hehe) one here, how should I know you're dumb enough not to see me?"

"How should I know you would creep up on me like that?" You shot back, and although you knew it was kind of your fault, you weren't going to admit that to him.

He looked at you with a fake I'm offended look. "First of all, I didn't creep up on you."

"Then what are you doing here?" You asked, though your voice was a little softer this time. He hadn't actually waited for you, did he? No, he wouldn't do that, unless...unless he wanted to tease you about the chemistry thing.

You sighed as you finally understood why he was here, looking at you with that lazy smile and taking your breath away in the process. "Ah, look if you're here about me failing chemistry, please shut it." You told him as you rolled your eyes. "The captain already had a lot to say about it." You murmured, your words not really intended for him to hear.

"Well," his hand went to the back of his neck, blush dusting his cheeks ever so slightly, his odd hair falling to his face, making you wonder what would it feel like if you were to run your finger through them. Would it be soft? Spiky? Or maybe-

"I was actually going to tell you I could... uh... help you with that, ya know." The lazy smile now resembling a little boy's grin, you would have thought he was embarrassed if you didn't know better.

Your narrowed eyes found his, trying to understand the motive behind his words. " What do you mean, help me with that?"

He giggled at your question. He had an expression on his face, one you were so used to see, though couldn't yet understand what it meant. It kind of looked like he wanted to ruffle your hair and pinch your cheeks, but not quite. "Help you with chemistry, how else?"

You bit your lip, trying to find out what he was up to. "And what are you getting out of it?" You finally asked as you gave up trying to understand him.

"I’m a good person too, you know." He told you with a huff, he still had his teasing manner, though. "Can’t I be doing this out of my goodness?" If it were anyone else saying this, you might have believed them, but not with Kuroo. Sure, you joked around and teased each other, but your whole friendship -if you could call it that- was based on challenges, bets, deception, and who would trick who.

"No way I'll believe that. I'm not dumb, you know." You murmured the last bit since it kind of bothered you since it seemed like everybody thought so.

"Though you're failing chem, arent you?" He teased, causing you to send him a glare. "I-"

You were ready and steady to fight with him over that comment, but he only giggled and put his hand on your shoulder as if he was trying to steady or calm you. His hand was unconventionally warm, fingers calloused and hard, though it didn't bother you the slightest bit. It was rather scary how much you enjoyed his touch.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." He told you, laughing as he shook his head side to side. "You're too easy to rile up, ya know? I'm offering to help since it's me who challenged you to join the cheering team, so you might kind of say it's my fault at this point."

When you kept looking at him, he furrowed his brows. "I'm telling you I'm just feeling guilty! It's nothing too complicated." He looked rather hurt at how suspicious you looked.

"And?" You pressed on, knowing too damn well it wasn't only his conscious that led him to reach a helping hand at you. There had to be something else.

He sighed finally, obviously giving up. "And- I kinda wanna see you cheering for me." He grinned. "Call it 'satisfacting my ego'." He only grinned wider when you shot him a disgusted look.

"I knew there was something else." You just muttered.

"Eh," He shrugged. "I'm gonna need every boost I can have if I'm going to play against Oikawa." He said it so casually, you couldn't perceive what he said for a second or so.

"You're- you're playing against Aoba Jousai?" You blurted out, mouth agape. You hadn't even realized till now that you didn't even know who they were playing against. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.

"You didn’t even know? And you're supposed to be our cheerleader." He clicked his mouth in a disapproving manner and shook his head side to side.

You ignored his remark. "There is no way you can win against him, you know."

He snickered at your blunt response. "I see you've become especially good at cheering and motivating."

You grinned. "Shoot me for telling the truth. It's Oikawa we're talking about."

"And? What about him?"

"He's one of the hottest and most talented men around, and you know it." You told him as you watched his grin fade to annoyance. "He's not hot!"

"No need to get all jealous, Kuroo." You giggled when he grimaced. "Me? Jealous of that- that... guy?!"

You shrugged just to piss him off.

"Well then, what will you do when we beat your oh-so-great Oikawa?" His playful grin was back, now wider than ever, and it pissed you off, how good he looked.

"Is that a bet?"

"Of course it is." He answered, like it was only normal.

"I'm not betting against my own team!" You exclaimed, feeling your cheeks heating up a bit. How did teasing him come to this, anyway?!

"What will you do?" He pressed on, and you were aware he wouldn't let it go until you bet with him, so you sighed as if you accepted defeat. "What do you want me to do?"

"Hmm," He tapped his chin as he considered the choices (he had been trying to make this bet with you for a week and had been planning how to get you to agree to it, it was surprisingly easy, though, since he was a mastermind at planning and stuff, even though he didn't show it much). His honey-colored eyes glistened when he decided what he wanted you to do. "You're gonna wear those cat ears for a week."

By those cat ears, he meant the ones that were a part of the cheering costume but were excluded since they were too hard to dance with. The first time you tried them on, Kuroo had laughed ten minutes straight and would've taken a photo if you hadn't ripped them off your head and threw them right in the middle of his face.

"Oh, it’s on." You shot back without thinking much about it. "Only if you wear them a week if you lose against them, too, though." You added with a smile that warmed his heart.

"Deal." He grinned.

You had no idea that he had been planning this for a long time, so what seemed like an innocent, fair bet was actually almost guaranteed you to lose. The penalty was the first thing he had thought about the bet, the rest came later to him, so he was literally planning how to get you to wear those cat ears for... a month. Not that you needed to know about that, though.

"Deal." You smiled.

***

You watched as Kuroo jumped, so high, that it made you wonder if he could secretly fly. His hand up in the air, coming down so fast to spike the ball. A grin was on his face, knowing damn well what you were probably thinking, as you watched him.

He smacked the ball with so much force, you gasped. You always knew he was strong, and he was fast -he was the Nekoma team captain, after all- but you never knew he was... this good.

When he landed back on his feet, looking at your flustered face was the first thing he did. Your mouth still slightly agape as you watched the ball that was now on the other side of the court, Kuroo thought it was one of the cutest things he saw.

"So," he asked with a cocky grin, "Still think Oikawa is better than me?"

You stood silent for a few seconds and then looked at his golden eyes. "Are you kidding me?!" You exclaimed, and just when he thought he was finally going to see you admitting he was, in fact, better than that Oikawa guy, you chuckled. "Oikawa could murder you, Kuroo. Don't get too full of yourself."

"What?" He asked in a rather cold voice that sent chills down your spine, though knowing it was just Kuroo, you ignored the threatening tone. "Don't try to intimidate me with that look, you asked the question, so you should be prepared for the answer, too."

"Did you- did you not see my spike just then? It was amazing!" You shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, knowing he was fuming inside. He was going to keep on arguing, if it wasn't for Lev, who was cheerfully calling out for you.

''Y/N-san, could you throw me some balls, too?" He told you when he came next to you in two long strides.

"Sure-" You answered, but Kuroo interrupted. "No."

It was the threatening, cold voice he used that always managed to frighten Lev, just a little bit. "But Kuroo-san! She's been throwing you balls the last hour!" He whined, making you giggle. "He's right, you know. It's only fair if I help him, too." You told Kuroo, desperately trying not to laugh when you saw him pouting.

"No! He can work with Kenma, I'm the one that's helping you with chemistry, aren't? So you should help me with this." He told you, his hand pulling you away from Lev and closer to himself.

"You're the one who suggested helping me! And you forced me to throw you balls, too."

You shook your head side to side when Kuroo ignored you. "Lev, you either go practice spikes with Kenma right now, or you're running laps the rest of the practice."

You saw Lev's eyes widening as he hurriedly walked towards Kenma, though muttering to himself, "This is no fair. He gets to practice with the pretty girl!"

Kuroo took another ball from the basket and gave it to you, though he was still pouting. "I can't believe you were really going to choose him over me. You should be happy you're getting to practice with me. But no, it's always someone else, isn't it?" He mumbled under his breath as you bit your lips to try and not laugh. You knew he was only joking, he always was.

You sent the ball to the air, just a bit over his head as he jumped and hit the ball, harder than the last time, and with the sound of his hand hitting the ball, you also heard a pained grunt coming from him.

He sat on the floor, clutching his hand to his chest, and you felt your heart beating rapidly in your chest at the sight. "K-Kuroo, what happened? Are you okay? We should go to the infirmary!"

You tried to get him to stand on his feet, but he shook his head side to side, rather pulling you to sit down next to him. "I'm okay," he told you with a small smile. "It came straight down on my finger, so it hurts a little, but it happens more than you would believe. I should just bandage it, putting some ice on it would help, too."

Hearing it wasn't a big deal did have its effect on your crazy heartbeat, slowing it a bit, but you were still worried more than you would like to accept. You stood up, quickly gathering some bandages and ice, and walked back to him.

As you took his hand and analyzed the finger, you noticed it was only a bit red and that he was right, it wasn't a big deal, but you were still mad at him. "What the fuck, Kuroo?!" You muttered angrily as you pressed the ice on his hand, he hissed with the sudden contact.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" He shot back.

"You have to be more careful! What if something else had happened? What if it wasn't just okay with ice and bandages?! The school and your team need you, you know they do!"

You sighed when he stayed silent. "I thought you wanted to beat Oikawa, and you can't do it injured. You want to wear those cat ears, I presume?" You joked, and he smiled.

"So you think I can beat him if I'm not injured, huh? I think it's you who wants to wear the cat ears."

You noticed your mistake, your cheeks burning slightly, but chose not to answer him since you knew he would just tease you further if you did. "Here you go, it's all better." You told him when you were done with bandaging.

"Aren't you gonna kiss it better?" He asked with a teasing grin, and you rolled your eyes. "In your dreams, you big baby."

"But it still hurts, Y/N! It can't get better if you don't kiss it! The team needs me, you said it yourself!"

"Kuroo," you groaned, but he just pointed at his cheek. "Come on, no need to be shy." That jerk and his stupidly good looking grin. You weren't really sure why, but you leaned in, your face getting closer to his cheek. You only noticed what you were actually doing when you were so close to him that you could smell the light scent of smell mixed with his natural, woody scent.

"You stink." You lied.

"But you were about to kiss it better!" He whined as you stood up, and internally screamed at yourself for actually considering kissing him. "Shut up, I'm tired. Just text me when you're done with the practice." You told him as you walked to the exit, you needed the fresh breath of air.

***

"I deem you beyond hope. These are the basics of chemistry. How -the fuck- are you so bad at them?"

"I don't know!" You groaned for the millionth time. "I just can't do it, okay?" He rolled his eyes when you pouted. Maybe you were acting a tad too childish, but no one liked to be reminded of how dumb they were, especially not from a guy as hot as him.

"Okay, okay." He finally said when you kept pouting. "Let's take a break." He didn't miss your cute smile when you heard the word 'break'.

"How are you so bad at it, anyway? You're not as bad in the other subjects..." He then realized he had no idea how your other subjects were. "Right?" He asked, this time a little less confident.

"No." You told him with a glare. "It's something between me and chemistry, we just don't get along." You sighed, and without thinking much about it, you added, "chem is a mystery to me." Not expecting his eyes to widen and gasp at your small word game, you quirked your brow. "What?"

"Did you- did you just do a joke?!" He looked so genuinely shocked, you pouted.

"I am capable of joking!" You answered his accusation, noticing his grin. "Huh," he mumbled, "Since you never laugh at mine, I thought you just didn't understand them."

"I'll strangle you, Kuroo." You answered though you were smiling. "You were about to kiss me an hour ago, what's with the attitude?" He teased, and he thought it was the best thing, how horrified you looked at the accusation.

"I- I didn't- I wasn't going to-" As you choked on your words, he was having the time of his life. You faked a cough to try and hide how flustered you were, a pathetic attempt, really.

"Huh? You weren't going to kiss me? Is that what you're saying? Are you a liar, too, Y/N-chan?"

"Kuroo, shut the fuck up." You mumbled when you finally found it in yourself to form words. "How rude, princess." He giggled, dropping the topic and not even realizing the effect the pet name had on you.

"Don't call me that, jackass." You tried to be as rude as you could to hide the soft part of you showing, but he noticed, he always did.

"What, princess?"

When you didn't answer him, he grinned and leaned a little closer to you. "Is it making you excited, princess?"

"No way!" You blurted out. "Why should I get excited over you? It's just- weird." You answered, and he didn't press it on, though you could still feel his mocking eyes on you, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

***

"Hey!" You called out when you saw one small and one abnormally tall silhouette. "Kenma, Lev, could you guys help me out a bit?" You had two large boxes on your hands, hiding your face from them, but they instantly knew who you were.

"What are you doing?" Lev asked as he took the larger box from you, Kenma was holding one of the small boxes you had left behind to get on a second trip.

"Oh, it's the cheerleading equipment, they asked me if I could take them."

"All of them?" Kenma asked, a brow quirking questioningly. "Yeah, you know, being new and stuff I guess." You told with a little giggle.

"Yeah, no." Kenma told you with a monotone voice. "It's not being new and stuff, and don't think we missed how they're acting towards you." He looked at Lev. "Even he noticed it."

"Hey, what does that mean?!"

"They're not the kindest people around, that I admit." You answered. "But it's not unbearable, so..." You sent him a cheeky grin.

Kenma shrugged. "Whatever you say, just know what they're doing is not normal, and it's probably just gonna get worse."

You knew he was right, but the topic made you uncomfortable, so you just shrugged.

***

Hanging out with Kuroo was fun, you had to admit. Even though you were just studying, it was too much fun.

"How are you feeling? Are you stressed? Do you think you're ready? Do you think you'll pass? Oh my god, why am I so stressed?!" Kuroo blabbered on as he shook you by your shoulders with every word. "I'm okay, Kuroo. I'm feeling pretty good, actually, I think I'm ready."

He looked at you with worried eyes, though they looked a bit more relieved than they were just then.

"Okay, then. Go break a leg? Is that what you're supposed to say in situations like this?" Oh, shoot. Did he have to look so damn cute, worrying over you?

You chuckled as you shrugged, ignoring the warm feeling spreading through your body. "I'm not sure. You knew you didn't have to come all the way here, though, right?" He had insisted that he was going to drop you to the exam, and wait until you came back. He said he might even buy you a slice of cheesecake after if it went well, and who were you to say no?

"I wanted to come." He looked at his phone screen to check the hour. "Okay, you have to go now, but I'll be right here."

You weren't sure why, but that sentence filled you with a confidence you never knew you had. You felt like... you felt like if he was right here, supporting you, you could even overcome your greatest enemy, chemistry.

"Y-yeah, okay." You mumbled, turning around to go to school, but stopped when he suddenly shouted, "Wait!" You turned around, worried there was something you forgot -there was always something you forgot- but your worries died when you saw him grinning.

"Aren't you gonna ask for a good lucks kiss?"

"Oh my god, Kuroo." You rolled your eyes, once again turning to go, but this time he didn't let you walk away, not without a hug. "Well then, here's a good luck hug instead." As you felt his long arms around your body, you froze in your place, forgetting to even breathe.

He was warm, not a disturbing warm, though, the kind that caused you to smile, that made you feel safe, that made you think if he kept his arms around you, nothing bad could happen. So instead of pulling back, you wrapped your arms around him too, closing your eyes with the feeling and not even realizing that you were nuzzling your face in his neck.

You didn't notice the relieved smile that was on his face when you hugged him back, since he was half-sure you were going to push him away, he closed his eyes too and wrapped you even tighter, trying to etch this feeling in his mind so he could remember forever.

You could feel his face touching your hair, your bodies pressed together, you wondered if he could hear how hard your heart was beating. When he pulled back after a while, you felt a bit disappointed that it ended but hid that expression nonetheless. Now you couldn't stop thinking just how good he smelled and felt.

"Uh, thanks for that, I guess." You told him with an awkward giggle. "Sure thing, all you gotta do is ask, princess." He told you with a wink, causing you to roll your eyes and walk away.

***

Kuroo was a man of his word, so he waited two hours on exactly where you both had hugged each other.

When he realized he could still feel your lingering scent when the wind blew slightly and smiled, Kuroo knew he was in deep. He had never meant for it to go this way, he liked this weird thing you both had, constant teasing and challenging each other. He had no idea when he had caught feelings, but Kuroo wasn't a simple man, he knew that when he had feelings towards someone, it was too damn hard for him to let go.

He couldn't stop thinking about the hug that had passed just then, how you felt between his arms, how amazing you smelled, how good of a fit you two were.

So when he saw you exiting the school, he couldn't (didn't) suppress the smile that was forming on his face, and it only grew wider when you smiled back.

"How was it?" He asked when you came towards him. "It was gre-" Before you could finish your sentence, you found yourself pulled into a tight hug once again, though this time you didn't fight it one second.

"That's very nice to hear." He muttered into your hair, and you giggled. "I remember a promise about a cheesecake." You told him with a cheeky smile when his arms let go of your figure, that looked tiny next to him.

"Huh, cheesecake? Nope, can't think of anything related to that."

"Kuroo!" You whined.

"What? I don't even like cheesecake! How could I have known your exam was going to be okay when you suck this bad at chemistry?" He protested.

He still took you to eat cheesecake, and not only one slice, but as much as you'd liked.

"So, you're gonna cheer for me, huh?" He told you as he watched you chew on the giant piece of cake you had just gotten in your mouth. You could swear he was only asking questions when you were chewing, cause it was a little too often his questions had caught you munching on food, at this point.

You glared at him as he shot you an innocent look, he grinned like a mad man the whole time you tried to swallow your bite. "I don't know, I haven't decided yet." You finally answered.

"You can't tell me you're going to cheer for that Oikawa guy." He huffed, though you knew he was damn serious at his question. "No, I'm going to cheer for Lev." You shot back, and he groaned.

"You're forgetting that I'm paying for all these." He grinned, causing you to choke on the bite you just took. He laughed and passed you the water, watching you drink it down.

"Yeah, you're right." You told him with a cheeky grin.

***

"Oh, shit, I'm so fucking stressed, I'm going to die." Yaku mumbled. "You don't have to be stressed, Yaku-san! You practiced so much, I know you're going to win!" Your captain cheered excitedly. (you forgot about her, didn't you, haha)

Huh, you thought. Maybe Kuroo was right about you sucking at giving motivation.

"Thanks." Yaku mumbled with an awkward smile, trying to escape from her overly cheerful manner.

"Kuroo-san, how are you feeling?" She asked as she walked towards him, making the girls in your team giggle with anticipation. "I'm okay, thanks." He mumbled, his eyes searching through the crowd, stopping when they found you. Without even noticing that the cheerleader captain was talking to him, he walked towards you with a mocking grin on his face.

"I need to get my good luck kiss before I go on the court, you know. And this time, I'm not settling for a hug." It might have been something you could laugh at, if you weren't in public and both of your teams weren't looking at you, mouths agape, eyes widened with shock.

You could hear Kenma face-palming himself.

"Sh-shut it, Kuroo! It's not the time for teasing." You told him, feeling your cheeks heating up.

"Come on, just one kiss." He continued as he leaned in, caging you and leaving you breathless. You knew he was joking, but no one else did, and sometimes, you weren't so sure either, especially when he looked at you like that.

So you did the best thing you could.

You ran away.

Not bothering to look back or answer his questions, you ran until you couldn't see him. You had no idea how you were going to explain this to your team, especially to the captain. She didn't like you already, and this was probably just going to make everything worse.

So you stayed there until you heard Nekoma being called out on the court, leaving the room half-heartedly, scared of what you were going to face.

You could feel the lingering eyes on you, hear the whispers following you, and you did your best to ignore them, but you knew you could break down crying any second now. When you saw the captain glaring at you, you bit your lip, trying to focus on the dance.

You could feel the boys looking at you to see if you were okay or not, trying to get you to look at them too, but you refused to do so since you were a little scared of what you would see.

Though the whispers and glares toned down and died when the game started since the game took all your attention. You watched as Kenma passed the ball to Lev, he jumped so high and hit the ball so hard, you gasped. The ball passed between Aoba Jouhsai and Nekoma, neither of them looking like they were going to accept losing.

You could see everyone giving their bests, even Kenma looked fired about the game, Lev blocking the ball like his life depended on it, Oikawa using tricks and strategies that just amazed you.

The game was breathtaking, every touch on the ball had you gasping, making you sit on the edge of your seat, turning your knuckles white.

The only times you could hear the whispers running after you were the times there were breaks, and the cheerleading team was dancing on the court.

Wasn't this supposed to be fun? It felt like torture, instead. You could feel your teammates nudging you with an elbow every once and then, causing you to lose your balance, snickering when you stumbled. At this point, you were just counting minutes till the game ended.

Kuroo must've noticed something was wrong since, at one point, he started to wave at you until you saw him, and when you looked at him, he sent you a thumbs up as if he was trying to ask if you were okay, not noticing he was the problem.

You just plastered a smile on your face and nodded your head, trying to make him go back to the game. He sent you a cheeky grin in response, now more determined to win more than ever.

The game went on, and it was finally the third and the last set. To give the team more of a boost, the cheerleading was going on on the side of the court.

You would've enjoyed this, you really would, if it weren't for the now rougher pushes you've been getting from the other girls. It was starting to hurt, you had to admit, and not only physically, too. No one liked being laughed at, especially when they had no one to help them get through this, and you were feeling more alone then you have ever felt before.

Though all your thoughts disappeared when you saw Kuroo jumping with all his might and hitting the ball Kenma had just sent him. The ball went straight down, without anyone on the other side of the net being able to receive it.

He had scored the match point. They won, you realized.

Your eyes wide, hands up in the air, shaking the black and red pompoms in your hand as you cheered with the rest of your team, beaming with happiness.

You suddenly noticed the cat-like eyes on you, and your eyes found him too. He was grinning widely, everyone around him screaming with victory, and it somehow felt like the time had stopped as you looked at each other. His arms were wide open as if he was inviting you for a hug, his lips were moving like he was trying to tell you something, and you focused your gaze on is lips, narrowing your eyes and leaning a bit closer-

You felt a sharp pain on the side of your body, leaving you breathless for a second or more, making your eyes water, and because you were leaning forward and your focus was fully somewhere else, you couldn't find your balance, falling forward.

You would've fallen right on your face if you hadn't put your hand on the ground in instinct, but now it was your hand and your ankle which had twisted badly when you fell, that had taken the blow. You looked up, just to find one of the girls looking at you with an uninterested pout, though you weren't sure who it was that had pushed you.

You could feel your eyes stinging with tears unshed, your ankle and wrist throbbing with pain, and it wasn't even the pain that caused you to tear up. You felt so self-conscious, falling in front of all these people, in front of him, you wanted to run away.

Trying to stand up, you gasped as you felt the pain in your ankle, just making the stinging in your eyes and the lump in your throat worse. You knew you would've fallen once again if it wasn't for the sudden support under your arms.

You couldn't recognize him for a second with the cold, almost scary look he had on his face, his eyes looking threateningly sharp as he helped you stand on your legs, walking you out of the gym.

Neither of you talked until you were finally alone in a room, and he had sat you on the bench. He sat right next to you, and the silence was unbearable, but you knew the second you attempted to talk, you would break down crying.

He somehow seemed to know that, so instead of trying to make you talk, you felt his hands wrapping you in a tight hug, and that was when you lost control over your emotions. You couldn't help the tears running down your face, wetting your cheeks, the sobs shaking your body between his arms, your arms hugging him even tighter as you replayed everything in your mind.

"I'm sorry," you managed to mumble between your sobs, "I'm so sorry, Kuroo." You didn't know why exactly you were apologizing, maybe it was because he had to be here with you instead of celebrating his victory, or maybe something else.

You stopped apologizing when you felt his hand touching your hair so softly, you almost couldn't feel it. "Shh," he whispered, "it's okay, no need to be sorry."

You nodded, you weren't even sure how long you stayed in that position, but you had already stopped crying when he talked again. "Are you feeling better now?"

You nodded, not even trying to pull back since it felt too good to be between his arms. His hand was still caressing your hair, though it was a little different this time since you felt something sliding between your hair, something that suspiciously felt like a headband with a pair of cat ears.

You tried to suppress your smile, but couldn't, so you just giggled. "You asshole." You mumbled and felt the laughter bubbling in his chest.

"I love you too, princess."

Epilogue:

You were sitting on the couch as Kuroo gathered the snacks. It was movie night, though as you surfed through the channels, you found something even more interesting.

"Baby, come quick! It's live from Oikawa's game." You told him as you watched the game a little too closely, Kuroo noticed. As an attempt to keep his girl, Kuroo sat right next to you on the couch, an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You could feel him pulling you closer and closer to himself every time you gasped or cheered for Oikawa until you were almost on top of him.

"Tetsu, are you jealous?" You finally asked, desperately trying to hold yourself from laughing at his pouting face.

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous?" You were going to say something, but he answered his own question. "Because my girlfriend is far more interested in a guy on tv than her boyfriend that's sitting right next to him?"

"I'm not interested in him!" You protested, trying to ignore the amazing spike Oikawa just did, but he noticed it. Pouting and looking away -though not attempting to get away from you whatsoever- he looked like a little boy.

"Ah, come on, you know you'll always be my number one." You told him with a giggle, and you knew when you pecked his cheek with a light kiss, he couldn’t stay mad at you.

"You know, you really hurt my feelings there." He muttered though he was grinning as he leaned his face closer to yours.

"Did I?" You asked with an equally cheeky grin, and he nodded, now even closer that you could feel the heat radiating from him.

"I kinda need you to kiss it better."

Kiss it better, you did.

#kuroo x reader #kuroo x y/n #kuroo tetsuro x reader #hq kuroo #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #hq x reader #hq x you #hq x y/n

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 4 years

Text

Imagine:

Reader/ OC trying to keep her orgasms on the inside because she doesn’t like how she sounds.

This is going to be pretty long and detailed. Figured I could add this bit into an idea I had. I wanted to write it out just like this 😩.First time using an OC. Enjoy lovelies xoxoxo

Hello, it’s your girl Ebony here and you’re listening to The Love Zone. We already have a caller number one on the line...

“Hello?” Élise timidly spoke into the phone while seated in her dimly lit living room. There was a 100% chance of showers that evening and rainy nights were the perfect nights for her. Alone in a home she inherited from her grandmother in Marigny, New Orleans, Élise decided to call The Love Zone on WQUE-FM, New Orleans mainstream urban radio station. Ebony Starr was a famous Sexologist and radio personality from Bywater, New Orleans. She inspired Élise to start her own podcast that she titled Finally Exhaled which discusses overcoming past toxic relationships and starting new ones.

“Caller number one?” Ebony said into the microphone. Her voice echoed since Élise could hear it twice.

“Yes,” she licked some cocoa butter from her lips, “I’m caller number one.”

“Alright, love, do you have a question for me?”

“I’m a huge fan,” she nervously laughs, “Just...I didn’t expect you...to answer my call.”

“You’re so sweet, honey, thank you,” Ebony made Élise smile, “what’s your name?”

“Yolanda,” that was her mother’s name.

“Yolanda, Pretty name. I know a lot of Yolanda’s.”

“Yeah,” she toyed with her long dreaded hair.

“Why are you up so late, Yolanda? No work for tomorrow?”

It was 11:00 pm. She worked as a waitress in a bar and grill but that was just to keep busy. She was an only grandchild left with her grandmothers money. Her Father didn’t like the fact that she got everything. Typical. He wasn’t around so why did it matter to him?

“Work tomorrow evening,” she pondered for a moment, “Now I remember my question.”

Ebony laughs, “go ahead, what’s your question?”

Wiggling her toes at the fireplace she opens her mouth to speak, “How do I overcome being embarrassed by the way I sound when I orgasm and moan? I’m nervous to even ask this question but it’s been bothering me and I just...I don’t like it.”

“Hmm,” Ebony’s smooth hum reassured her, “Why don’t you like the way you sound, Yolanda?”

“It’s-its because I was told it was ugly mainly. My last boyfriend-shitty boyfriend by the way, told me I sounded like a dying animal,” Élise chuckles, “I want to move past that and embrace the way I sound whenever the moment happens for me again but...”

“You’re afraid the next man will find it just as ugly and look at you weird?”

“Yes, ugh,” Élise closes her eyes, “What the hell should I do?”

“Honestly? Embrace it. That sound is a beautiful sound, Yolanda. One of the sounds of love making. When it’s real and sudden like that it makes you stutter out incoherent words and sounds but only a real man, an experienced appreciative man, would love to hear those noises. How old were you when he told you this?”

“I was 20 years old. That was when we first started dating. A start to a long toxic relationship.” She didn’t mean to vent like that but she couldn’t help it. Her ex, Sean, was such an emotional abuser. He shot her down every chance he got to make her feel ugly. That was for four whole years. She was 25 now and wanted to heal from that.

“Oh, that explains it,” Ebony made a noise of disapproval, “See, boys don’t know a thing, honey. I’m happy you’re not in that toxic relationship anymore and there is a man out there that will love every screaming orgasm you have. Especially if he’s the cause.”

“I know you’re right but gosh,” what man anyway? The closest she’s ever come to a man since then was working at that bar and they all were too pushy and drunks. She was loosing all hope honestly.

“Yolanda, when was the last time you had sex?”

“Over a year ago.”

“You’re craving sex heavy, sweetie. You want to give yourself to someone badly and a year can do that. I don’t think it was only the way you sound it’s a trust thing as well. Sean betrayed your trust.

Bingo.

“I’m better now. I can trust but I just don’t know where to start.”

“There is no rush. Let it come to you, honey. Once it does...accept it. Feel it. If you can listen to yourself moan and shout when you orgasm alone then you can definitely do it in front of a man again. I bet you sound angelic.”

Élise blushes.

“I actually heard that smile through the phone, Ebony laughs, “Sweety, let that moan out, snatch a man’s soul, and feed that craving.”

Élise laughs pleasantly, “I really needed this thank you so much, Miss Starr.”

“Please, If you need to talk you could always come to my meet and greets and workshops in The French Quarter.”

“I’d like that,” Élise smiles wide with her high cheek bones, “thanks again, Ebony.”

“Thank you, Yolanda. Enjoy the rest of your evening, love.”

The line disconnected. Élise places her phone on the carpeted floor and thought about their conversation. She was pining for sex. She wanted her year back. A year of no dick or lips on her pussy. Sex toys over used and calling her name as we speak.

Let’s take it slow with some Beyoncé- Dangerously in Love 2...

Baby I love you/You are my life/My happiest moments weren’t complete if you weren’t by my side/You’re my relation/In connection to the sun/With you next to me/There’s no darkness I can’t overcome/You are my raindrops/ I am your seed...

The rain was coming down in sheets, banging against Élise’s rough top like bullets. There was no lightning or thunder. She was glad that she got the lighting in her grandmothers home fixed because if she didn’t the power would be out and Élise did not want to go into that cobwebbed basement to find candles. Last time she went down there she saw a possum. Élise has on nothing but a retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt while seated in front of the fireplace. She finally stands, the heat of the flames warming her butt before she walked back to the couch where her crinkled copy of Roar of Thunder, Hear My Cry rested on top of a quilt.

She couldn’t sleep and Beyoncé had her singing with her eyes closed. Grabbing her Walt Disney World coffee mug that had lukewarm herbal tea in it, Élise snuggled into the couch while facing a small window just above the heater in her living room.

I hope everyone is being safe on this stormy Friday night. We have another caller on the line, caller number two?

Élise tunes in.

“I’m still unfaithful to my husband. I can’t shake the need to be with the other man. Just tonight I came home after frantic car sex in an open lot. I want to tell him...I want to tell him I’m happy with the other man.”

“Wow,” Élise loves this juicy talk. She could faintly hear Rihanna-Unfaithful play in the background which causes her to giggle. Ebony was hilarious.

Whew, honey, juggling two men?

“SHIT!”

Élise’s head shot up from the couch. The angry shout came from outside. Maybe someone was locked out the house, she thought. Élise covered herself with the quilt further to listen to more of The Love Zone.

You are killing this man. Just tell him the truth. I can hear the pain in your voice. If you want to end this the right way stop stringing him along and communicate...

Thump

A rather loud kick could be heard from outside. Now, her interest was peaked. Élise tosses the quilt back , tiptoeing to the window with her mug still in hand. She could see a little better only because the house had a porch. But it was still foggy. A man was outside with his hazards flashing. He had to have been out there for a minute with how drenched he was messing under the hood of his car. No lightning or thunder. Just the rain, but the rain was more than enough to make the situation extremely uncomfortable.

Élise couldn’t see him that clearly as he hopped in and out of his car every minute or so, probably trying to warm up before trying something else to get his car moving again. Thanks to the street lamp about twenty feet from where he parked she could make out the type of car. A Ford Mustang 2006. It was parked beside a neighbor of hers that she didn’t like at all. His name was Kevin and he was a white supremacist. Nothing new in the South. No family but she could have sworn she heard screams from his house...

“Fuck!” The man shouts again. Élise felt kind of guilty. She had no idea why. She was sure most of her neighbors saw him stranded out there as well. As quiet as her neighborhood is, something out of the ordinary rarely goes unnoticed. However, the fact that the man was still out there struggling on one of the worst nights, weather-wise, of the year didn’t sit right with her. What harm would it be to offer to let him into her home so he could properly make a call for a Tow service or have a nice cup of tea and a hot meal? Loan a flashlight, or let him warm up by the fireplace for a moment?

Élise stares down at what she was wearing again. That retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt. Élise went to the closet to grab her red longline puffer coat and black Hunter rain boots. She grabs a flashlight from the closet shelf, trying it out to see if it worked. A couple slaps with it to the palm of her hand made the old thing ignite and she was headed for the door. Élise swung the front door open like a women on a mission. She stomps across her front porch and right down the steps, pulling the back of her coat up over her head to keep from getting her dreads wet.

“Excuse me!” She yelled out from the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street from where the man was parked. He looked in her direction, and she could finally make out his soaked face. She was not disappointed.

“Wassup?!” He responded loudly, “This rain is a bitch!”

“Yeah, it is! Do you need some help?! It’s pretty cold out too my place is warm!”

He kept a steady gaze on her from under his hood. He had this look on his face as if that were a bad idea. Now, Élise was regretting it.

“Are you waiting for someone?!” She started up the conversation again. Her legs were so wet now.

“Nah!” He shook his head and from what Élise could make out she saw short dreads fall over his forehead, “Listen, it’s bad out here, sweetheart why don’t you go back inside, huh?!”

“You sure?!” She pointed her flashlight to the house, “My offer still stands if you change your mind!”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, ma!”

Even though it was dark she could see his smile. Damn, he was good-looking. All that out here melting in the rain. Élise turned to run back to the porch only to fall right on the concrete. She felt both her knees hit the ground. She wailed in pain. Her hands planted to the ground and she tried lifting up but her rain boots slipped right from under her. She could feel hot tears prick her eyes.

“SHIT!!! Hey, Ma!” He called out. Élise could hear heavy feet splashing in the flooded streets and then a pair of wet hands grabbing her waist and lifting her all the way up into bridal style. She squinted her eyes up at the nice-looking man with the fucked up car. He started walking back to her porch. He sat her down on an old chained swing chair before removing his black hoodie and tossing it on the swing chair with her. It was probably uncomfortable walking around with heavily soaked fabric. One thing was for sure: he was built. He had on a charcoal gray tee that was hugging his body something fierce. Élise could make out his physique thanks to him being up close and personal now. Then there was those dreads. They fit his rugged look so perfectly. He definitely wasn’t from around here.

“What are you doing out here? It’s bad, sweetheart, you could have cracked your head open on the ground instead.”

She blinked up at him with timid eyes. He softened his stern ones before his eyes closed. His hands finger combed his dreads back before he shook his head to stop the dripping water.

“My bad,” he looked down at her on the swing chair, “you’re probably thinking who the fuck he think he is talking to me,” he laughs awkwardly.

“Not at all,” Élise looked away and down at her lap. He was right. She was so quick to come running to the rescue. It was almost flooded outside.

“Let me see the damage,” He crouches down to look at her knees, “just scraped skin but it needs to be cleaned off.”

His onyx eyes landed on hers before turning back to his car. Élise studies the back of his smooth neck and the curve of his ears. It seemed like forever that he was staring at his car.

“I have everything in my house I can take care of it. Thank you though.”

He turned back with a tilt of his head. His eyes looked up at her house while his fingers lazily drummed on the swing chair.

“My name is Erik.” He reached out to shake her hand.

“I’m Élise,” she grabbed it and noticed some cuts on his knuckles, “looks like you need some help too.”

Erik drew his hand back before covering his knuckles by folding his arms, “Shit, I forgot that was even there.”

“No worries, I’m not afraid of blood.” She clarified.

“You must not be afraid of much talking to a stranger at 12 in the morning in the rain.”

His tone was serious. Élise looked away from him with a shy smile.

“I have a big heart and my shitty neighbors wouldn’t help you out so I figured what the hell I can do it.”

“Not much happens around here, huh?” He asked with attentive eyes.

“No, it’s pretty quiet,” she took in every inch of him with her eyes. The tight charcoal gray shirt was damp and exposing every single muscle. She liked his short dreads, almond colored skin, and long, sexy eyelashes.

“You could have knocked on someone’s door to give you a jump.”

“Ha,” his chuckle was dry, “You don’t answer doors when strangers knock, baby girl. And I don’t trust knocking on doors in this neighborhood. I’m lucky you even stepped out,” he smiled faintly, “like a breath of fresh air.”

“I agree,” she changed it up, “it’s just-“

“Don’t explain yourself. It’s cool,” Erik stands, stretching out the muscles in his arms. His eyes were studying her home with a new found curiosity.

“In this world we live in, you never know what you might find knocking on someone’s door. Most people are suspicious, especially of us black men.”

“True,” she stood with him, wrapping her coat around her, “so...do you wanna come in?”

He licked his lips and placed his hands in his black cargo pants pockets. He looked like he was freezing and she could see his cold breath.

“Erik, I have blankets and dry shirts,” she beemed up at him.

He squinted his eyes playfully at her before his head fell forward with defeat. Success.

“A blanket does sound nice. But, as tiny as you are, I doubt I could fit into one of your shirts.”

Élise thought she saw a flicker of lust in his eyes when he said that. At least, a part of her hoped she saw lust.

“Unless...” He gave her quizzical expression, “your boyfriend got some shirt he left behind.”

Élise blushes, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

She could tell he was fighting a grin. Élise finally turned to lead the way back into her place, Erik grabbing his hoodie and walking through the door. The second he ended up in there he felt his body defrost and dry.

“Fuck,” he ran his hands over his short dreads, “I’m glad I let my pride down for once and let you help me. A nigga was cold.”

“Uh-Huh,” Élise laughs, “I see your skin warming up, Erik.”

“Oh yeah, I’m nice and toasty now,” He smiles flirtatiously.

“Hungry? Thirsty?”

“Nah, I’m cool.”

“Tow service?”

“Not available and...I’d rather not,” His jaw clenched.

“Well...” Élise shrugs, “looks like you’re staying the night, Erik.”

Erik raised a brow at her before looking around him to get acquainted.

She felt comfortable with him even though he was considered a stranger. Her grandmother would have higher blood pressure than what she already had if she knew what she’d just done. The thought of having some kind of company that night made her feel a lot better and less lonely. Élise finally locks her door and went to her closet to take off her boots and coat. It was all or nothing.

“Closet is free to put your boots and hoodie in.”

She was so damn comfortable around him that she forgot about only being in her T-shirt. Erik stood back with his arms folded watching Élise move and the fabric of the shirt sink in between her ass cheeks. She was sexy for sure. The second she kicked off her boots Erik could see the flesh of her butt... bare flesh.

This girl is serious? He thought.

Ass swinging while she moved. She was a cutie with a nice body. Alone in this big home. All that alone with no man. Shit didn’t make sense. Maybe she was just fucking someone. Erik began walking up to her while she took off her puffer coat to hang. Long slender dreads with shells in it. He wanted to pull on the coarse hair.

“Thanks, Élise,” He was so stealthy that she hadn’t noticed how close he had gotten to her. Elise’s back stiffened and her body tried to step away to give him space but Erik was already taking off his boots and hanging up his hoodie. She caught a whiff of his cologne causing her to nibble on her bottom lip. He didn’t smell like liquor and cigarettes like the men at the bar and grill she worked at. He smelled like rain, sweat, and what she recognized was Gucci Guilty men’s cologne. She remembered that smell from when she was in Macy’s sniffing around in the perfume section. It was intimate and warm at the same time.

“Don’t worry, your blankets will smell like me even when I leave, baby girl.”

She was caught red handed.

“I’m sorry,” she stroked a few dreads from her face, “Your cologne smells really good.”

We’re they really standing in the closet? She dropped the flashlight on the floor when Erik leaned in towards her to smell her now. He was more than comfortable around her. He acted like he knew her.

“You smell like coconut oil,” He gave her a coy smile, “I like that.” Erik crouched down in the small space to pick up the flashlight.

“T-thanks.” Élise licked her dry lips. She needs more cocoa butter.

“So, nice closet,” He teased.

“Yeah...very spacious,” she awkwardly tried to joke back.

Just show me around, ma, since I’m gonna be sleeping here tonight. Unless...you changed your mind?”

He leaned in toward her with a slight raise of his brow and parted lips. He knew he had hers shooken up.

“Yeah, I have a spare bedroom and the couch pulls out into a bed.”

Erik’s eyes trailed up and down her body, “Pull out couch is fine.”

Élise finally let out the breath she’d been holding once Erik stepped away and into her living room. She watched him look around like he was in a museum, staring at her family photos and the art on the walls. Élise has redecorated since moving in two years ago.

“This you?” Erik had a wide smile on his face while pointing to a photo on the ledge of the fireplace. Élise walked over, spotting the photo in question. Oh, yes, when her hair was in a kinky fro, nose piercing, college T-shirt on two sizes too small, tiny denim shorts, and laying in the grass with her ass sitting out and ready to be grabbed.

“Looking like a little rebel,” He picked that photo up studying it with unrelenting eyes. She shuddered.

“Very sexy,” Erik commented and then he gave Élise that look. She turned away from him; she didn’t want him to see the desire in her eyes. She was beginning to have second thoughts about kissing and possibly fucking a complete stranger. No need to deny herself her own thoughts. She’s been thinking that the second he looked up at her from across the street in the rain.

“Where are you from, Erik?”

He placed the picture back on the fireplace ledge, “California.”

Élise was intrigued.

“Why New Orleans?” She followed him to the couch where he started pulling it out into a bed.

“Business,” He kept it short. She didn’t pry further because she sensed that he didn’t want her to know the nature of his “business.”

“How do you like it so far?”

He gathered the bottom of his shirt, bringing it up and over his head while his zealous eyes never left hers, “It’s cool, I’ve been before during Mardi Gras.”

She froze. Was his skin naturally like that? It wouldn’t make since with how neat the bumps were. What would make him do that? He didn’t seem bothered by her eyes taking it all in or the wondering crease in her brow. He wouldn’t tell her, she knew that. The shit was going to eat her alive.

She snapped out of her daze, “I haven’t been to a Mardi Gras since I was 21.”

“Why?” He settles down shirtless on the pullout. His body bathed in the fire. She could feel her tongue tingling to taste his skin. Erik is so sexy.

“It’s so damn wild.”

“Please, girl,” He laughs, “Drunk white people acting a fool ain’t our kind of wild.”

They both laughed.

“When I came that shit was dead i was not partying with them. So, me and a friend hit up some urban spots and listened to some upbeat jazz and ate Cajun food. I met a chick and had some fun with her.”

What kind of fun?

“Sounds a lot better than the time I went.”

Élise stares down at her scraped knees. The crimson peeked through the tiny scratches. Now that her attention was there it was beginning to burn.

“Where’s your bathroom so we can get those cuts cleaned, baby girl?”

Élise pointed to her stairwell, “Upstairs. I can bring it down you don’t have to come with me.”

“Well,” Erik had a roguish expression on his face, “what if I wanna see what upstairs looks like?”

Her wary eyes stared at his wry expression. Erik was definitely being very coy with her.

“You won’t find anything interesting upstairs except for my bedroom.”

Élise’s wistful expression let Erik know without even saying it flat out that she wanted him in her room. He fixed his eyes on her for being that bold with him. She wasn’t so shy. She was a little rebel.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Élise tries to play it off, “I should probably shut up.”

“Let’s go,” Erik stood up, holding his hand out to her. Élise grabs his hand, leading Erik to the staircase and up the creaky steps. It was dark and chilly in the hallway since she didn’t turn on the heat upstairs. She could hear Erik shiver even though his hand was still warm. They made it to her bathroom, Élise turning on the light. She hadn’t changed it around much. Her grandmother still had Élise’s potty from when she was a baby in there. She never let go of things.

“My guess is this house belonged to your grandmother?” Erik finally spoke while standing at the sink.

“Yep. She passed away from breast cancer two years ago.”

“I know how that shit feels, trust me,” Erik opened her medicine cabinet to find a withering first aid kit, “I lost my mom and my dad so I understand.”

Erik motioned for Élise to come to him. When she did he picked her up and sat her on the edge of the sink. Her short yet thick legs swung back and forth reminding her of when she was a child. Erik opened the kit and grabbed some gauze dressing, peroxide, and neosporin.

“You must really enjoy picking me up, stranger,” Élise’s playful eyes sought out Erik’s and the second he smiled revealing those deep dimples in his cheeks she crossed her legs to simmer the heat growing between them. Even the grip she had on the edge of the sing became firmer.

there is a man out there that will love every screaming orgasm you have. Especially if he’s the cause.

Ebony’s words spoke to her again. She was thinking about the sounds she would make if Erik fucked her. He was still shirtless, his cargo pants riding low on his hips showing her that chiseled v-cut of his, and those lashes with his onyx eyes blinked at her like he was trying to read her mind. Lord knows Élise wanted to read his. He was so mysterious and unreadable and that didn’t scare her. It made her want to stake her claim on him. He was visiting New Orleans and maybe she could show him around and they could have some fun of their own. Élise was lonely and friends weren’t enough to fill the void. Not really much family left either. She needed the warmth and comfort of a man.

But Erik looked like the type to break you down piece by piece. She wouldn’t mind him turning her out. Élise didn’t know how long she was staring but Erik’s soft fingers tapping the sides of her thighs broke her out of her dreamy state. Staring down, she could see the fresh gauze covering her wounds. Élise bit into her lip and without being able to control it her high cheek bones puffed out. He made her blush over everything. Why couldn’t he be from New Orleans and not California? Once he left she wouldn’t find another guy around like him. She already crushed on him and she hardly even knew him.

“What did I do to make you blush, pretty girl?”

“What didn’t you do, Erik,” She reaches out for his hands, “let me see.”

He came in closer between her legs, giving her permission to grab his hands and examine his scarred knuckles. It looked pretty bad. Did he beat a brick wall or somebody’s face? She glanced up at him briefly and without saying a word she tended his wounds. His searching expression made her belly flit like butterfly wings. Now, she was rubbing neosporin in carefully. She could feel his eyes leering at her in a sexually suggestive way.

“These are pretty fresh,” she muttered. Élise’s eyes looked from his Adam’s apple bobbing from swallowing spit to his teeth nibbling the corner of his full pouty lip. He didn’t look at her when she said that.

“That’s because they are, Élise,” he says with a low voice. She started wrapping the gauze dressing around his hand. After she was done she didn’t let his hands go. Élise surely didn’t want to. They stood in a comfortable silence and it gave her time to think about his fresh wounds. He didn’t look like the type to go around beating brick walls but faces? That was definitely the answer. And surprisingly, Élise wasn’t afraid. If Erik wanted to rob her or kill her he would have done that already. Instead he was kind to her and he looked at her like he wanted to fuck her. She liked that look a lot.

“Élise.” Erik spoke earnestly.

“Yes?” She said with a soft-spoken voice.

“You’re not afraid of me. Why?”

“Because I know you won’t hurt me.”

She noticed him watching the way her lips moved when she said that. He was admiring the shape of them. Her lips were the perfect proportion. Perfectly symmetrical on the left and the right. Full lips with volume and a plump pout.

“Yeah, baby girl, I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“...but you did hurt someone...”

Erik glides his tongue over his upper teeth, responding but completely ignoring her question, “what if I kissed you right now? That wouldn’t change your mind?”

“No.” Élise said gazing into his eyes.

Erik leans in with his hands bracing the sides of the sink. His lips sparingly touched hers as he spoke. Élise clings to every word while her low eyes stared at his mouth.

“If you lettin’ me put my mouth on yours then you’ll let me put something else on you...am I right?”

Élise has an anxious feeling and Erik wasn’t helping when the flesh of his bottom lip tickled hers every time he spoke. Now, her eyelids were fluttering. Still in nothing but that retro Voodoo Fishing T-shirt and no panties. She wondered if he could smell her arousal towards him.

“Erik-“

“Just answer the question, Élise.”

“Yes, I would.”

“If you’re not afraid of me you would answer my questions,” Erik moved his lips to her ear, his hard chest touching her clothed one. Élise shuddered when his warm breath tickled her ear, “Why are you so comfortable around me with this little ass T-shirt on and no panties?”

“H-How do you know I don’t have on panties?”

“Because,” the hair from his beard touched her neck, “I could see that ass from the back when you were in that closet, ma.”

She hung on to his captivating voice while staring at the side of his neck. Élise was sweating from how turned on she was and he didn’t even kiss her yet.

“That’s what I’m talking about. You act like you know me...what if I would have pulled that shirt up to get a better look at that ass?”

Élise gasps at his words, turning to look at him with alluring eyes. What if he would have done that? He was already so close to her. Now she was imagining him bending her over in that closet and going deep in her pussy from the back. She found that to be very sexy and thrilling. Élise’s grandmother was probably turning over in her grave right now. Her granddaughter letting a strange and clearly very dangerous man into her home and allowing him to seduce her.

Erik takes his hands to rest on her thighs. He moved them up and down in a slow motion keeping a steady gaze on Élise to see if she would flinch away. No, she was enjoying the firmness of his hands. He knew exactly what he was doing. Élise could feel his fingertips hit the bottom of her T-shirt. Damn...he was so close.

“Élise, you so damn thick, girl.”

“Thank you.” She bit down on her tongue to fight her ugly moan. At least that’s what she thought it was. Her eyes descended when she felt Erik lift the bottom of her shirt. Unhurried and gentle Erik lifts that T-shirt up to reveal Élise’s shaved mound. The phat flesh sat between her plush thighs like a surprise treat.

“Damn, you just letting me do this, huh?”

“Yes,” she let out an airy sigh, “I am.”

“Been too long, ma?” Erik had a wolfish expression on his face, “shit, you nice and phat down there too.”

Erik pulled her shirt back down and Élise’s heart sank before his pillowy lips finally connected with hers so suddenly. Her head almost collided with the mirror from how alarmed she was. Her hands reached up to cup his face while she allowed this man to fuck her mouth with his tongue. She tried to keep up with him but in the end Erik conquered her. His mouth tasted amazing. Now, he was gripping her curvy waist with his forceful hands and practically pulling her into his body. Their heads moved from side to side and their lips smacked and sucked on each other’s. A tiny yelp escaped her mouth when Erik sank his teeth into her bottom lip before drawing back. He licks his lips in one motion all the way around his mouth and Élise was officially hungry for more of him. A man coming in from the rain. A man she would have never expected would be kissing her on her bathroom sink. It was so risky.

“Ahhhh!” She moaned instantaneously. His lips and teeth were on her neck. Shit, Élise actually moaned. Why was she even worried? She actually sounded quite nice. Erik was bruising her skin with the right suction of his lips. If it felt like that on her neck it would feel just as good on her hard nipples and clit. The surface of the sink was moist from her pussy rubbing and gliding along the surface.

“Taste so goddam good, girl,” he flattened his tongue and licked her neck, “so sweet.”

“God, Erik,” she moaned, “I can’t believe I’m letting you do this to me.”

“I can,” He chuckles, “You like that I’m doing this to you. I can tell you’ve been loosing out, ma, got you all sweaty and breathing deep.”

“I just can’t...believe...fuck, Erik.”

His hands grabbed her breasts, circling them and tweaking her nipples through her shirt. He was torturing her at this point. Élise wanted him to rip that shirt off her body.

“You’re driving me crazy,” She whispered, “Erik,” her voice was so hushed and heavenly. The man in question was just as frazzled as her. Panting, a sheen of sweat on his skin, his dick hardening and thickening against her inner thighs.

“Élise...I wanna fuck you.” He grabs her hips to keep her still, “listen to me,” his thumb came up to stroke her dimples chin, “...I wanna fuck you so good, girl. You need to take some good dick.”

“It’s been so long,” she bit into her pouty lip.

“Shit, how long?” He was running his hands through her dreaded strands.

“I feel,” she shivers, “I feel so embarrassed saying it,” Élise’s murmured like she was telling a huge secret.

“You can tell me...don’t be scared, girl.”

“A year,” she closed her eyes.

What the fuck. An entire year. Élise was yearning, longing, craving, and hungry for some dick and attention. Part of Erik wondered if that was one of the reasons why she let him into her home.

“Aye,” Erik soothes her, “that’s a long time, baby girl, but I can help you out with that,” Erik takes her hand to kiss it gently before speaking against her knuckles, “I can make you feel better....”

“Erik.”

“You know you want me to...let me make you feel good...” He kissed her hand again while staring into her eyes. Erik felt her thighs quiver around his waist.

“I got you, ma.”

“Erik,” she kept whispering at him and it had him grunting and painfully hard, “I’m so wet, I can’t believe it...Erik.”

She’s so beautiful. God, Erik needed this right now. He needed her ass.

“Élise, girl, I swear to fucking God-“

“Erik, please, Erik.”

Élise unexpectantly lifts both of her legs to the sink, her entire T-shirt bunched up around her waist now showing Erik all that wet juicy pink. Pussy looking like a wet piece of fruit. A peach drizzled in honey. Tight slit with puffy suckable lips. Erik’s eyes were vicious. He reached out to keep her thighs back since she wanted it that way. Then, in a blink of an eye, he had her pushed back against the mirror with her ass hanging over the edge of that sink.

“Oh? You itchin’ for me, ain’t you? opening up your fucking legs like that. Just telling me I can have it? Girl, I will beat this pussy up right on this motherfucking sink. Fucking playing with me if you want...”

She caved when she saw him spit thickly on her pussy. She drew her lips into her mouth. Élise could feel the saliva practically slap her clit. He was so fucking nasty. She just knew that Erik would have her making all types of noises.

“Still ain’t scared, huh?”

“No.” Her voice shook even though she said no.

Erik’s head went down between her legs. He stuck his tongue out as far as it could go and began licking the underside of her clit back and forth. Élise clenched her teeth, the sounds begging to escape her mouth.

“I don’t hear nothing. If you ain’t afraid why don’t I hear you moaning, baby girl?”

Erik went in again slurping her up and licking in a deadly pattern. She felt him tug on her clit and inner folds. She was ready to cum already.

“Erik, Erik I-Stop it, I’m-Erik, please, please I’m-oh my God you’re-you’re making me-Ooooh you’re making me-“

Like it wasn’t in her own control, Élise moaned as her orgasm erupted from her. Her eyes squeezed shut and the so called animalistic sounds escaped her mouth. She was choking on her moans and she hated that she couldn’t control it but this fucking man...he was eating her. Making up for that year. Every month fueling him to suck and lick on that pussy some more. Even after she came he still covered her with his entire mouth and spit. She waited and waited for him to say she sounded ugly or look at her bizarrely but no. Instead he says...

“Good fucking girl. That’s right, cum in this mouth. Shit, cum all you want, do it, baby girl.”

Thank god for his car breaking down.

“Yes!”

“Uh-Huh, you want some more!”

She nodded her head with vigorously.

“Look at you,” Erik bit his lip while thumbing her clit, “look at you shaking and moaning,” his motions increased, “cumming again? That pussy cummimg for me? she ready to bust for me, Élise?”

“Mmmm, Erikkkk, baybeee!”

“You just keep on going?” He smiled.

“I-I’m sorry,” her body spasmed, “I can make a lot of mess.”

Élise was referring to her squirting habit.

“You can squirt all over Daddy whenever you like,” He inserts two fingers inside of her. She rolled her eyes shut, body vanquished but feeining for more.

“Grabbing my fingers like that? Gon’ head and cum...better yet fuck these fingers. Get you some, ma, pop that pussy on these fingers.”

Her hips lifted to get all of his fingers as he dug deep.

“Ooh...ooh...look at you...got my dick heavy in these pants.”

Élise watched him grab his dick. He was so long. She couldn’t wait to see it. And fuck it. And suck it...

“Damn, shit, I can’t wait to pound that puss.”

She shouted out again, pussy convulsing around his thick fingers. Her throat was raw from how hard she screamed.

“So fucking beautiful. Shit don’t make no sense.”

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh@chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold@njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi @sheisexcellent1@chocolatedippedinhoney@brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy@soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted@harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone@bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo @truglori @queenflaws @ljstraightnochaser @nickidub718 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark @rent-emspoons @abluesforlyssa

#nahimjustfeelingit writes #killmonger smut #killmonger fic #killmonger x reader #killmonger imagine

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ghost-writer-rights · 4 years

Text

I wrote this from the hours of 10pm to 3:30am

warnings: hurt/comfort(?), Toko's scars, non despair au, this was super self indulgent and if it's bad blame it on my insomnia brain, drug use(its just marijuana)

"I just have to do this,Toukocchi" the clairvoyant had brought Toko back to her room.

She wasn't known as a klutz or anything. in fact she almost never fell. But somehow as she was up at lunch that day her skirt got stuck and she hit her head on the floor. It wasn't enough to give her any severe head trauma but she did have a slightly open wound at the back of her head.

Yasuhiro had volunteered to help Toko.

He had confessed that he liked the author a while ago, but she dismissed it and (kinda of brutally) shot him down.

■■■

"W-what do y-you m-m-mean you like me?" Toko was in a shocked and seemed disgusted

"Y-y-you're a liar. You're l-l-LYING!!"

"Why would I lie about this?"

"To hurt me! You wanna g-get my h-hopes up and then hurt me w-when I get vulnerable"

"Toukocchi, I-"

"YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM"

■■■

While Hagakure was hurt that Toko thought that he would do something like that, he knows that it's not his fault that she thinks that way. He also knows that there's no way to change her mind so there's no reason to try.

But he could at least try to earn back her trust and be friends again. Well, acquaintances as Toko called them.

"You don't h-have to do anything" the purple haired girl stuttered

"Of course I do. Your head's bleeding and I don't think you can see it by yourself" Yasuhiro was calm as he spoke, deep voice sending tremers down Toko's spine. Not in a h o r n y sense or anything like that. He just has a deep ass voice. Like holy shit. like wow. you can cause an earthquake with that bass.

They sat on her bed back to chest

"I could have at least tried" Yasuhiro sat down the peroxide he picked up from the infirmary.

He also had cotton swabs and cotton pads. As well as bandages.

The tall one carefully traced the wound with a cotton swab to get the blood out of the way.

He was really close to Toko. Her face was no where near his chest but she could still tell

"You smell"

Hiro huffed some air out of his nose at that. She wasn't wrong. He did smell of lemony mint. He always had a small amount of weed on him in case if stressful situations.

"Oh yeah? Is it a good smell or a bad smell, Toukocchi?" He could feel her shoulders relax and he said that. He dipped a new swab in the peroxide. He didn't touch her wound yet though. He wanted to hear her answer.

"I-it doesn't matter! It's smelly"

"Hmm. Hey, aren't you the one who doesn't shower?"

"Shut up"

"Okay well. This may sting a bit" He cleaned her wound. Toko gasped at the contact from the cold liquid.

Silence.

"It's not that I don't bathe" Toko had suddenly spoken up

"Hmm?"

"I bathe. it's just" Hiro stayed quiet. He didn't wanna say something in case she wanted to stop her confession.

"I have to build up enough confidence to get in the bath sometimes it gets here to late". Hiro supposes that makes sense the water does cut off at a certain for billing reasons but

"Confidence?" It was a simple question. She didn't have to answer. It was less a question for her and more to himself. He kinda meant to only say it in his head.

"Well...My legs th-they"

"Hey, you don't have to say anything you don't want to. You know that right?"

"I need to say this otherwise I'll be by myself forever. My legs are c-covered with scars" Hiro was shocked by this.

But it was enough to bring him back to what he was doing before. He had totally forgotten to put a bandage on

He slowly pealed the protective layer off and spread it carefully at the back of her head.

"Are you n-not going to s-s-say anyth-thing?"

"I didn't realize you were finshed, my bad"

"Well?"

"Well, I think that you have real reason to not want to bathe. But, I'm kind of confused. Do you not want to reopen the scars or?"

"I don't like looking at them"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Toukocchi" Hiro didn't want to overstep his boundaries. But he did want to help

"Should I help you?"

"W-w-w-what!"

"So you don't have to look at them. I could wash you. Not in a weird way or anything! I just"

Hiro seemed to whisper that last part. He felt awkward. He wasn't tryna be pervy he really just wanted to help.

Hagakure stepped aside to the window in Toko's room and lit the pre-rolled blunt. He inhaled the lemony smoke and exhaled it through his mouth and nose.

Toko looked at the stressed man at her window. His long dreads in a ponytail

Bags under his eyes.

Ance scattered on his tanned skin

Blowing smoke

The sun shining on his deep brown eyes.

Elbow sitting in the window ledge as he brought the marijuana cigarette to he lips.

He looked beautiful.

But he also seemed sad.

Hagakure was embarrassed with what he had proposed to his crush. He just wanted her to feel safe... and clean.

"H-hey, Palm Tree?" This made Yasuhiro smile and he brought his face down and puffed outward.

"So I have a nickname now?"

"Do you promise to not do anything weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I let you help me. I-I wasn't gonna bathe today but If y-your o-offer is.. ya know"

"Toukocchi," Hiro turned to look at Toko who was still sat fidgeting on her bed, "I promise from the bottom of my heart, I would never and will never do anything to make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable"

"okay but... I don't. I. would it be possible for you to do this without you seeing my body?"

"Honestly I think that impossible. But it could be a bubble bath so I can't see under the water"

"t-th-that-that works. Also if you tell anyone about this you'll regret it. you already convinced me to tell you about my insecurities" she spoke in an angry tone but it was obvious she wasn't mad

"Actually if I'm not mistaken I believe it was you that pressured yourself into telling me"

"SHUT UP"

□□□

"Okay, Toukocchi, hop out" Hiro had looked away as he held an out spread towel in his hands for Fukawa to walk into.

Although he looked away she had subconsciously covered her chest until she got wrapped in the towel.

Hiro looked at her. Her long purple hair upbraided, cascading over her shoulders. He could see the little marks on he nose from where her glasses usually sit.

She's so gorgeous. I hope she realizes that one day.

"Can you get out so I can change?"

Oh shit. Right.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry" Hiro walked out closing the door behind him. As soon as he closed it he heard a locking noise.

He stood out in her room and looked around as she changed in her off room bathroom.

He saw her bookshelf. There were copies of her own books. Hiro was actually a big fan of her work. His mom had gotten him into romance novels. it's one of the things they truly bond over.

There were also some manga comics. Surprising considering Toko made a huge deal of manga not being real literature.

I guess we all have our guilty pleasure

The lock on the bathroom door had turned and the door opened.

Hiro's head and turned to see Toko in her underwear. He was awestruck but quickly turned his head back.

"I forgot m-m-my clothes out here" She quickly grabbed her clothes

"I'm sorry you had to see my ugly body" Hiro couldn't let that slide

"What are you talking about" He turned to look at Toko and his voice sounding of mild annoyance.

Toko was shocked

"W-what?"

"Ugly? Toukocchi, you one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen"

"I doubt that" She dismissed. awkwardly smiling. Hiro walked over to Toko. He looked at where her eyes are.

"Toko. I wouldn't lie to you. I would kiss your whole body if it would make you realize how amazingly powerful you look"

"y-you shouldn't k-keep empty promises, Idiot"

That's when he kissed her. Not on the mouth or anything. It was on the forehead. He held her in his arms.

"I love your skin. It's soft but rough at the same time. it compliments your aura so much."

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed what was in his palm

" I love your hair. It's a beautiful color and it's so shiny"

"probably from how greasy I am"

"probably from how healthy it is"

He brought his head down to kiss her shoulders. He lifted her arms and kissed her hands and wrist.

"I love your hands. You've written such nice material with them and it shows. Sure they're callosed and rough but it just goes to show how much you care about what you produce"

He kneeled down so his face was to her tummy

"Is this okay with you?"

"mhm" Toko had covered her face from embarrassment. She looked like a rose.

" I need a verbal yes or else this feels weird, Toukocchi"

"I-I- I'm okay with this"

He kissed her tummy and she suddenly felt tense

"My- my legs"

He kissed her thighs. He kissed all over where he saw a scar.

"Your legs are beautiful. If you didn't have them right now you wouldn't have have anything to hate. I wouldn't have anything to make you feel better about."

He stood up and kissed her, on the lips this time. His hand held the side of her face. Her cheek leaned into his touch.

"I love you, Toukocchi" Her rose face was now a bright ruby. The brightest to ever be seen. She hid behind her hair

"You love me for my body? Or do you love me because you feel bad for me?"

Once again he chuckled at this.

"Toukocchi, I love you for so much more than that" He brushed her hair our of her face.

"I love how determined you are. Even if you don't feel like it or realize it. You really do more than what you're capable of if the task is important to you. You're sweet, and quirky and you're always there for the rest of us in your own weird way. I love the way you portray the world in your novels. I love the way you smile when you feel truly at peace. Ya know when you think no one is looking? it's that genuine and pure happiness. Even if it's small it really shows how much you care for all of us and enjoy being around us. Like we're all your family"

"Y-you said a lot of words just then"

"I know you don't like me back. And I'm okay with that. But please know that I will love you for the person that you are no matter what. And anytime you feel like you're ugly remember this moment and remember how beautiful you are"

"Yasuhiro, I-"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise"

#hagafuka #toko fukawa #Toko x Yasuhiro #touko x Yasuhiro #danganrompa #trigger happy havoc #touko x Hagakure #toko x Hagakure #Yasuhiro Hagakure #Hagakure Yasuhiro

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violetsystems · 3 years

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#personal

I’m not in a terrible mood this week although I am completely exhausted with everything. Home is great when you have internet. Not so great when people try to disrupt it by setting up service on top of your address. People can be terrible communicators especially when they are focusing only on themselves. We live in isolated times I understand. The idea that people ‘project’ all the information you need is incredibly exhausting to have to read into all the time. Especially when no one bothers to read what you project back. I often wonder if it will get exponentially worse when people feel safer returning to a public facing world. I’ve been public facing throughout all of this and for many years prior. You can’t travel the world alone and develop some sort of toughness. The real trick is being able to turn your defenses on and off. It’s a reflex. Like how in one breath I can tell somebody to fuck off then turn my head and help a kitten from the sidewalk. If it were called acting then I would have a job already. I often have to look back at how I’ve grown over time to figure out the headspace. I’ve always been sort of awkward. Mostly because I was sensitive to what others thought of me. I’ve always been bullied as long as I can really remember. I grew up in an Irish Catholic suburb filled with white people, white pride and whiter drug problems than they cared to admit to. Most of my friends were losers and rejects. I kept to myself and listened to hip hop on a broken yellow sony walkman. People would call me the n word every morning on my way to school proudly claiming I was going to hell. I was a shy and nerve racked honors student. I grew up an only child who wrote poetry and science fiction. I played pen and paper role playing games by myself because nobody shared the same interests. At times, the friend groups that I did find had group agendas that dwarfed my social needs. This never really changed. I spent most of the last ten years revisiting this sort of solitude. I travelled Korea, Japan and China by myself. I stayed in hostels in group situations where I still felt uncomfortable. I developed skills to talk to people. I met a lot of weird people. I met a lot of nice people too. In Seoul particularly, I found a normal that I’d never really understood before. I’d go out and actually do things with people I didn’t know. I went to a guitar cafe once in a basement in a small neighborhood called Hyehwa. The group was myself, a hostel owner, a soccer fan from Dalian, and a random guest. We sat in silence as a small old man played “Goodbye to Romance” on a small guitar as silent Pink Floyd concert footage played out on the tv behind him. I escaped to Korea for a long time. I’d go every six months for two to three weeks on vacation. At the time I had the vacation from my job to use with impunity. If I stayed home in the states, people would follow me. I realized this later when I switched my trips to New York. My boss and my CIO would stop at nothing to contact me on my vacation to write emails they couldn’t formulate. Ask questions about things they already knew the answer to. Looking back on it, there are so many times people made my life miserable enough to make me quit. I never really got the message because I’ve been so bullied over my life that I learned to ignore it. My CIO famously cornered me in a hall once and asked what was wrong. He told me point blank I didn’t have a good poker face. I replied I wasn’t aware we were gambling. It was so subtle I don’t think he understood I wasn’t bluffing. I lost that hand six months later when he fired me over video chat. Nine months later I’m dead to an entire twenty years of friendships and professional connections. If I don’t look surprised or scared, it must be the poker face I’ve been working on.

This is to say I understand or process none of anything that has happened to me anymore. It hurts beyond hurting. And I’ve become an expert at dealing with it all alone and in silence. So much so that people follow me around like lost puppies thinking I can offer them clarity. Or treat me like a practice dummy in their attempt to haphazardly attack the real problems in society. I’ve never been so tired, done and particularly bored with everything until now. And yet the bitterness never really gets me anywhere except physically sick and depressed. Throughout all of this as the situation in society starts to worsen, I see people looking to me for leadership or guidance. This is often without even asking or having consent. They think I’m part of some revolution that they’ve never asked about. Nobody has ever asked my name. They just know me as the guy they see around all the time. That I’m some wise and silent protector of things when I’m just some regular person suffering just like everybody else. If you really added it all up and put these chapters I write together, you’d see an alarming trend. That for whatever movement people include me in, I’m expected to fight all of this alone. And me knowing full well how well movements and revolutions have left me completely insignificant and invisible after the things I have done is disheartening. People enjoy getting a reaction. Pushing all the buttons every time you step outside your door. Sometimes it’s a hundred yards before someone starts trouble. Sometimes it’s the minute you step outside either porch you share with your neighbors. The lack of dignity and respect is something I deserve because of my supposed position of power. America is like that. There is so little to go around that everything is a Hunger Games glorification. Classes need to provoke each other not identities. And yet we measure each other’s value by our differences and not our common strengths. America has always been a paradox in this way. The magical chaos of Anarchy that allows everyone to be free at the expense of others. The real way to be free in America is money. And money locks us out from the dialogue more often than not. It’s a great narrative that people can start their own businesses here in America when all the contract work is locked behind corporate recruiters, headhunters with signing bonuses and worse. That somehow at the end of a pandemic I’ve survived almost completely alone in I’m supposed to give in at the end. It’s like the clown in It gnashing it’s teeth as it shrinks into a harmless baby. I feel a bit sorry for America right now. And yet that clown has become less menacing to me and has been forced to feed on others. After all I’ve seen and been through I have no luxury to be afraid of anything or anyone. I have completely lost my innocence in that respect. And the face I put on for society when I walk out the door is one of stone. It is futile to expect that anyone can engage me with respect, humility and courage. Nobody can ever say my name. I have not heard my name spoken in forever by people I know well. I hear it spoke when I get Korean food down the street. My neighbors simply tell things to me. Or give me a longing glance like I’m supposed to read their mind, their agenda and trust their nosy intentions of being there at exactly the right time. We’re all in this together. We’re all connected. And yet after all of this I’ve realized no matter how well and good that may seem, it’s a liability to be social without a proper level of respect for your right to be human. Acting like the neighborhood secret police is not revolutionary. Acting like I owe anybody anything in this city after what IT has put me through is subliminal torture. I’ve told it like it is more than often about my life here in America. So much so that it echoes around the globe at this point as an anomaly. Is it really true that this guy clearly does not give a fuck about what anybody thinks of him? Yes. This is how I stay the fuck alive out here. I need you to understand just how desperate that sounds. Then I need people to realize that the only thing I’m desperate for is to be left alone at this point.

The reason I’m invisible to many people is that I’m not worth shit. We are all technically not worth shit. This might be news to all of you who read these. Because I generally feel the most care from people on this platform. I’m baffled by my own thoughts on this. How a click can mean more than the world to me than a bunch of people in real life shouting or glaring at me with hidden intentions. A glare and a hidden message on the internet is most likely spam. A glare in the streets with a knowing look is basically an invitation to fraud for me at this point. If you’ve seen me all over the place maybe you should ask my name or introduce yourself. And yet in Nazi Germany, you wonder if the secret police felt the same. The overall effect of having people follow, watch and keep tabs on you has this lofty narrative. Don’t you feel important now that secretly you are being watched? Don’t you feel special? I have travelled all over the world by myself at this point. I paid off the credit card bills to prove it. Do you think I don’t know what it is like to be surveilled and followed? Do you think in an era where white people actively target people and hurt them I feel any safer than anyone else? I am appalled at what I’ve heard in the news. And yet it is always the same root. White extremism. White culture. White people. Power abused. Defenseless broken down worthless trash in rebellion. Poor me for having a bad day. In my admonishment of my mother’s call for information for Ancestry dot com, we had a conversation about family. There are huge segments of my family I stay away from. My cousin who I have not spoken to for years lives out west. I learned last night that he sells guns for a living. My mom told me a story of his father who was an avid gun supporter. My parents approached him about being godparents. He replied that he would only accept on one condition. That when I came of age he would teach me how to shoot a gun like a real man. I’ve never touched a gun in my life. I’m a registered conscientious objector. I swing a hammer in game more often than not though I’m known to creep around with a sniper rifle in Cyberpunk. That’s a fucking game. My cousin is out there somewhere at a gun show with a Trump flag and an internet connection just like every other right wing troll on the internet. And I have to deal with the Fallout just the same. Everyone bangs away at their status messages and twitter feeds and accomplishes more of the same. Fear. It froths over. It never goes away. It burns into hatred. It becomes a righteous cause for which to stand behind. My rights to be free. As if holding a gun protects you. As if wasting your prayers on causing harm to others really heals the world. As if playing power and mind games on people you don’t know is somehow an act of liberation. As if boring me the fuck to death with how cool you think you are by thinking you on anywhere near my fucking level helps my situation. I have a right to be exhausting with all this performative bullshit. And yet the world keeps upping the ante. Like we’re in some high stakes Hunger games casino and the reward is your freedom at the expense of others. We are not all in this together until we can look each other in the eye and understand the cause of each other’s pain. The pain is that we do not communicate like human beings. We skitter and prey upon each other like animals. Animals remember when you feed and protect them. Humans are worse. If I know one thing about Planet of the Apes is that not even Mark Wahlberg can save you now. Just let me exist outside the dome and forget I’m somebody important. I’ve got my own life and loves I have to protect. You don’t know what I go through daily to honor that. And that secret is nobody’s business but mine. Since there are no jobs left in America, I’ll settle for that one. I don’t need a letter of recommendation. I write one every week. Yeah we all float down here. You’ll float too. Better than sinking. <3 Tim

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yoolee · 4 years

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Hey, so I’m thinking I may be ace but not entirely sure? I have zero desire nor interest to have sex nor do I see people in a sexual light (not very often anyways). I keep doubting myself that since I haven’t been in a relationship that perhaps I just “have to wait for the one” but I really couldn’t care less about who I get with (man or woman, I don’t really have a preference)or when. I think that I *am* ace but then again I keep doubting myself. Any advice on how to figure out such things?

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY I HAD A LOT OF THOUGHTS ON THIS SORRY.

TL;DR - BRAINS ARE WEIRD. BODIES ARE WEIRD. BOTH ARE INVOLVED IN SEXUAL ATTRACTION and both are dynamic - so try not to worry about fitting a single definition for all time, and go easy on yourself - your body feels what it feels and what’s right for you.

In this LITERAL SIX PAGE ESSAY I will ramble more:

CAN I CONDENSE THIS into bullet points let’s try:

It’s okay not to define yourself. We all learn things about ourselves as we grow and experience things, and (as a whole) sexual attraction isn’t a one-time-done-deal (though aspects may be)

It’s typically easier to know what we DON’T WANT than it is to know what we DO, so don’t feel weird about not knowing for sure

The media has NO IDEA how often or how little people think about sex and trust me the answer to that question varies WILDLY.

Check out AVEN to read about experiences and see if any of them feel like yours.

Know that level of sexual interest fluctuates over time based on all kinds of inputs (age, medication, other people, stress), so don’t worry too much about changes from your baseline limited/no interest - it’s a bucket, not a pre-measured dose.

If you DO decide to try a relationship or try physical intimacy, do it for YOU not because you feel like you should, and be upfront with your partner about your baseline interest levels before you make it to a bed (or wherever else you choose to instigate)

If you decide it’s not something you want to explore, but you still want an intimate or romantic relationship with someone - know that it’s absolutely possible, more common than you might think, and definitely doable. It may take a few tries, and a few awkward conversations, but those get easier.

OKAY NOW THE LONG ASS VERSION SORRY

It’s okay not to define yourself. We all learn things about ourselves as we grow and experience things, and (as a whole) sexual attraction isn’t a one-time-done-deal (though aspects may be)

I don’t think how you feel about sex is something you figure out once and are done with, so I’d encourage you to be open to the idea that your definition for yourself may flex a little or change with factors like age or medication that you’re on or the people you’re with, and that’s okay! And it may not, that’s also okay! Bodies and brains are weird and also dynamic, sometimes things are hard coded (whether or not cilantro tastes like soap!) Some things vary over predictable pattern (generally, kiddo taste buds are wired to prefer sweet and this, generally along a predictable sort of timeline, decreases as they age) and sometimes WHO THE FUCK KNOWS (why does person A prefer A dark roast coffee and person B a medium roast and person C thinks both taste like mud and would like to stick to their peppermint tea, please, which person D - Lee - can’t even stand the barest, faintest, tiniest sip of it?) and sometimes the right circumstances make the difference (Person F may hate brussel sprouts - unless grandma makes them with her magic balsamic vinegar, but it’s not the same when Aunt E tries) point being - give yourself some grace if you don’t feel like you perfectly fit one single bucket at all points in your life.

Consider, to go back to food - Sally KNOWS she’s allergic to peanuts and that cilantro tastes like soap. These are hard coded. So even without trying a Thai stiryfry with peanut sauce, she knows it’s not for her. Less clearly life or death, she’s not a fan of catfish, just because the texture is kind of rubbery, even though her sister loves it. How does she feel about seabass? Dunno, she hasn’t had it. If she has a general idea that seafood’s not her thing, cool - plenty of other things to eat (in this metaphor, plenty of other kinds of relationships to have with people! Physical intimacy is only one) if, one day, she decides to try it, she may learn she likes it, and she also may learn she likes seabass EVEN LESS than catfish. But she can also live her whole life not knowing for sure, and--who cares what her seafood preference is? Why does she have to tell anyone - unless she’s going over to someone’s house and they ask what she likes so they can serve it, and she can tell them, definitely no peanuts or cilantro, not a huge fan of seafood (or, not a huge fan of seafood but if you have a recipe you really like, I may be willing to try it? Both are okay). It may also turn out that the first time she had it, she kinda liked it, but then she had it prepared by someone else and, nope, gross and weird. There’s all sorts of reasons why what tasted one way today will taste different tomorrow. Not everything changes like that (see, peanuts - or, in this metaphor, your kind of baseline) but it may fluctuate a bit in a number of directions, based on a number of factors, internal and external (who prepares the seabass! Is it fresh?)

The internet is often one of the few safe spaces for people to openly, proudly define themselves from a sexual identity perspective, so you see a lot of folk doing so - and that’s GREAT. But I PROMISE YOU there’s a HUGE POPULATION who is right there with you going...am I this? Or that? Why don’t I know?

It’s typically easier to know what we DON’T WANT than it is to know what we DO

Seriously. It is. Maybe you aren’t sure if you want to kiss someone or not. I bet you DO know that you DON’T want to kiss rusty chainsaw blade dripping mysterious green goo. While there are personalities that are very good at clear decisions and classifications (I want to eat at Restaurant A because I want tacos and Restaurant A is the first restaurant I know of that serves tacos) there is also an equally common personality that is wired towards possibilities. (I could eat tacos. But pasta also sounds good, and so does baingan ka bharta.) For the latter, it’s usually easier to focus in on, I don’t know what I want but I know I do NOT want a sandwich. And that’s okay

(related - sometimes our bodies don’t even know we’re hungry. Are we? Or are we thirsty? WHO KNOWS)

Hopping back to Sally and her seabass. Sally knows for sure she’s not into catfish. She’s never eaten catfish, but they freak her out and her stomach flips over just thinking about it. Cool. But seabass? She doesn’t feel that immediate stomach flip aversion. But her mouth doesn’t water either. She KNOWS her sister tried it and love it. But you know what? Her sister also likes reality TV so her judgement? Different than Sally’s.

Whether she wants to try it one day or not doesn’t change anything except what tense she can use when talking about it. If she tries it, maybe she’ll learn she LOVES seabass. Maybe she’ll learn she only likes it when a particular chef makes it, and only if it’s seasoned with chili flakes first. And, also, honestly, maybe she will try it, and it will make her sick and lead to a miserable 24 hours in the bathroom and a wish she’d never tried it. That’s a risk. It’s up to Sally if she wants to take it, and whether she does or not, NOBODY ELSE’S BUSINESS except hers and the potential chef making it.

Society is weird about this SO WEIRD and puts SO MUCH PRESSURE - ignore it. There is no ‘normal’ when it comes, specifically, interest level in engaging with sexual activities

If you find yourself pressured to ‘try’ - ask yourself how much of it is YOU and how much of it is SOCIETY. It’s okay to try if you want to, or you’re curious. BUT if you’re trying because you think you ‘should’ I’m gonna tell you flat out and point blank that you are probably going to be in for a very uncomfortable experience, literally and figuratively. And y’all listen. Media does NOT align with reality. It does a lot of people a hug disservice with its prevalent narratives about sex drives. Some of the horniest people I know are cis women in their forties, and I knew teenage cis guys embarrassed and worried that all they wanted was to cuddle when movies were shoving down their throats that they should be thinking sex 24/7. Don’t assume anything about your potential partners.

You don’t have to try something if your gut says, not for you.

Personal experience? I’ve had to break off relationships with some good people (and some shitty ones) because I was hoping for something to click into place and it never did. Those were harder to end than the ones where the other person did something bad or dumb or stupid, because there wasn’t any one thing I could point to. But as much as it sucked to dump people I liked but didn’t connect with on levels I had hoped, I think we both learned stuff, and it wasn’t time wasted. Others, I was better prepared to say up front, and we explored other options together that we both got something out of, and they ended for other reasons (....usually me being like, ugh, other people and their emotions, no thanks, but, I’m also kind of a self-centered bitch, full disclosure, which you could probably guess from the fact I am STILL TALKING)

Communication is key

To that point, if you ever find yourself in a relationship that seems to be drifting from casual to serious, COMMUNICATE. Tell your partner up front that hey, you’re not sure sex is for you, you’re not into intimate touch, are they okay with that. If NO, you’ve saved both of you some future heartache, if YES, then it’s on the table to talk about later and explore--or not--together. And you don’t have to worry about how or when to bring it up for the first time. The earlier you do it, the less stressful it will be, promise, because you can lay that casual tidbit, and it’s out there. Communication is key.

You don’t owe society sex, and you don’t owe your partner sex, not even to see if it’s for you or not. But you do owe them communication and honesty. If physical intimacy is something your partner needs to feel fulfilled in a relationship, and it’s not for you - then a romantic relationship may not be right for you both. It’s okay not to know that up front as long as you communicate it may be a possibility and get their buy-in, and communicate when you ARE sure. As much as that sucks, it’s a thing just like any other (like, person A wants kids and person B doesn’t - there are some things were there isn’t exactly a compromise, and everyone ends up miserable - baseline expectations around sexual needs can be one of them).

It’s easier than it sounds - Hey, not gonna lie, you’re cute and this is fun but kissing is as far as it goes for now. Hands there don’t really do it for me. Before this goes further, I just want to be upfront that I consider myself ace, so I don’t really see sex happening. Before this goes further, I’m pretty new at the whole sex thing and honestly not sure it’s really for me, so I need you to go slow. Etc etc etc. Most of the time you get an ‘okay’ and life goes on. Sometimes they ask questions in which case, shiny! Communication! Answer honestly, and ask in return.

You’re not drawing up a legally binding contract about you will or won’t do - you’re just aligning expectations, and check in with them when they change.

Check out stories!

Check out AVEN. Even within asexuality, there’s a lot of variability in how people define themselves - read some of the experiences and see if any of them feel close enough to yours that the definition feels ‘right’ for you. If not, don’t sweat it! Just means you’re still exploring. Some people find they can masturbate but once another person is involved, it’s a no-go. Others find that it takes a long time to ramp them up but it’s possible with a patient partner they trust. Others never feel anything. Others are okay with it in the moment, but don’t spontaneously feel their own desire to instigate it. Asexuality is a pretty welcoming variety!

Sex drive is impacted by a lotta things

Know that lots of things impact sex drive in particular. Like. Again, for cis women, the data suggests the more you have sex the more you want it - it can ramp up like that. Also, some people get going with visuals (pictoral imagination, porn, naked people in front of them) but a LOT of people need WORDS (legit, why do you think romance novels are such a booming business?) this can come in things partner says or, you know, written erotica (Just like with porn though you have to be careful - recommend Smart bitches, trashy lit)

It doesn’t necessarily remain static over time. For example, medication and age are both two big inputs to this (ask any nursing home staff - I’m deadly serious. It’s honestly a little concerning because of dementia and consent issues, but like, it’s a thing for sex drives to WILDLY SPIKE in 80 somethings) you could be in a lull, or impacted by meds (for example, hormonal BC is pretty well known to suppress sex drive, and yet, being pregnant--which hormonal BC supposedly mimics to an extent--tends to make some folk absolutely and unexpectedly nutters for physical sensation)

It can be kinda shocking to go, like, years without any interest in sex as an activity or people as sexual partners, and then all of a sudden hormones whallop you upside the head and scream at you do something about them - that doesn’t mean WHO YOU ARE has changed. It just means your biology is responding to something. ANd listen

L I S T E N

If we knew HOW, consistently, to turn attraction on and off? That would be a thing.

We don’t.

Like. One of the weird ass symptoms of SLEEP PARALYSIS of all things, which is basically, a nightmare you have where you think you’re awake but you aren’t (you ARE semi conscious) and you can’t move, is the idea of an incubus hanging out in the room, because people feel like spontaneously aroused. And we have NO IDEA WHY. And it’s NOT ALL THE TIME. ANd yet it’s documented across CULTURES across TIME, it’s a THING.

So.

If your body is not doing something other bodies are doing - well, it’s doing what it needs to to be your body. If your body suddenly stops or starts doing something, and it concerns you (sudden appearance of sex drive! Sudden vanishing of it!) talk to a doc.

Otherwise - your hair gets longer, sometimes you get freckles where you never had them before, your tastebuds change. This is just one more thing on the list of shrug.

#omfg lee stop talking #this is not troll advice #I couldn't give troll advice on this one I just couldn't #Anonymous

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chaeryybomb · 4 years

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july comebacks review

CHUNGHA ft. CHANGMO: PLAY

holy shit this is definitely my favorite song of the month!!!

the entire song just screams F E S T I V E

the music video, choreography and outfits were all so amazing

and it’s only a pre-release

honestly I can’t wait for her album to come out

I love how she interpreted Spanish elements in this comeback

I love the tango part in the dance and when the hip hop dancers come out!!!

and at the end where everyone just comes out like it’s a huge fiesta!!

this song also has quite a lot of high notes but chungha’s voice gets a rest during the rap part

speaking of the rap part, her expressions during that is amazing!!

overall, definitely my favorite song of this month (maybe this year), its so colourful and festive and its perfect for summer!

IRENE & SEULGI: MONSTER

this song exceeds my expectations

when I first saw the teasers, I thought the song would have quite heavy edm and maybe some bad boy/peek-a-boo elements

while the song does have some of those elements, the entire thing is literally not what I expected

the music video is very aesthically pleasing and it reminds me a lot of a dreamcatcher mv

the mv was also delayed because I heard that they needed to edit some parts out. for example, someone said that if according to the teasers, there should be a scene where Irene stabs a doll with scissors but that part has been cut out I think

ngl I wanted seulrene to perform in the white corset outfits because holy shit those outfits s e r v e d

it also definitely proves that Irene is not just a visual, she’s a very talented rapper and singer so people need to stop seeing her as “red velvet’s visual”!!!

irene has sort of a husky voice like Jisoo’s, just not as deep

I also love Seulgi’s part after the first chorus?? she’s literally g r o w l i n g

as much as I love blonde Irene, why did they give her the wig dhshdhd I bet she was uncomfortable dancing in that

especially she has to bend her back at one point. and speaking of that part, there was one stage where she “winks” while doing it it but Irene said she was actually wincing in pain. (also the mv scene of it where her part morphs into a monster scared me dhshd)

which is why I think irene likes performing “naughty” more instead. maybe it’s because it’s more a mature concept but Irene seems more natural doing so

do not get me started on “naughty”’s choreography,,, it’s SO PLEASING to watch, all those tutting w o w, it looks so hard but Irene and Seulgi make it seem effortless

and when they released the “easy” version on tiktok 😭😭 it still looks so hard please

overall, I hope they make another Irene and Seulgi comeback in the future like EXO-SC! I also hope they try this subunit thing with the rest of RV as well, I’m looking forward to a Seulgi Wendy Joy subunit and Irene Yeri subunit!

ATEEZ: INCEPTION

*inhales* what does seonghwa ACHIEVE by SHOWING his ABS every performance

like hongjoong come collect your MANS

waiting for an episode where yeosang calls him out for over doing it

speaking of yeosang, he’s improved so much! he’s gotten more than one part of the song this time and I’m so proud!

and I’m in love with their “I’m in love” during the beginning and chorus

also woosan is out for my bias list-

ngl I find it kinda weird there’s a mini breakdance in between the the song cause usually breakdances are at the end

I also hope Jongho isn’t overworking himself as it seems he’s just recovered from his injury, I hope none of the boys will injure themself like during wonderland era

also yunho and hongjoong exchanged hairstyles from wave era dhshdh

per usual, hongjoong and mingi’s rap parts are my absolutely favorite

the music video honestly has a lot of theories going on and I’m still waiting for the smart atinys to decipher them dhshd

honestly, ateez reminds me a lot of bts, they’re both from small companies and I hope like bts, ateez will be able to rise to fame

overall, I like this comeback a lot but I wouldn’t say it would be my favorite era of them. Again I hope none of the boys overwork themselves this time

SOMI: WHAT YOU WAITING FOR

ahhhh I’m so glad she’s back!!!

I love this song a lot and somi seems more comfortable with it too!

at first, she looks nervous performing it but I can see her getting more confident through out promoting the song

and it’s definitely more different than “birthday”

personally I like this song more than “birthday” (but “outta my head” will always be my absolute favorite)

somi’s “ring the alarm” has the same energy as “oops you’re not invited” dhshhd

I also love how she interpreted her name in the music video as “ennik” means sword in Dutch

I’m also glad that this time she isnt matching outfits with her backup dancers

personally, I feel that this song fits somi’s vocals better than birthday and she switches from high to low in the chorus

the chorus is 2nd verse is my favorite part of the song

overall, this is a really nice comeback from somi and I hope next time she’s back with more songs

GFRIEND: APPLE

HUGE GODDESSES VIBES!!!!

the entire mv just SCREAMED Greek Goddesses to me

the dresses were so beautiful this era

I especially love the black dresses

and all the accessories made it 10x better

personally I feel very wrecked by yuju and yuju alone

(and maybe sowon's red eyes but shhh)

I was kinda hoping they'd make a comeback like "labyrinth" but boy this comeback was amazing

ever since they joined with big hit, everything has become so much better

plus umji getting her lines and centers!!!

I'm addicted to the "wee o wow wow wow" and the "kiss dance" parts

I'm honestly quite impressed that gfriend was able to perform in long dresses but I feel its better than performing in fitting short dresses

overall, I really like this comeback and the entire album is a bop. my favourite song is "eyes of the storm" because it sounds so much like an anime opening

APRIL: NOW OR NEVER

omg I'm so glad I started stanning them after lalalilala era

also yena said she wanted to do a beach concept next in an interview during lalalilala as well soooooo

the song is soooo catchy and I can't help notice how smiley chaekyung and yena are this era!

I'm so glad that yena and rachel has actual lines this time (also I noticed rachel kinda has a lisp?)

chaekyung was rlly smiley during lalalilala so I thought a cute/fun concept would suit her and it does!

she's shinning during now or never era!!

I feel like the line distribution is pretty fair for 4 vocalists and 2 rappers

plus yena's "eottae" is really adorable!!

my favourite part of the song is the "nunbushin nunbushin" parts and I find the choreography for it rlly cute

and paradise is really catchy b-side!

overall, the comeback is very refreshing and it's nice to see them back on stage again. personally I'm not a huge fan of some of the outfits because I like matching sets instead but other than that, I really like this comeback!

LEE HI: HOLO

did this song make me weep?

yes, yes it did.

queen lee hi making me cry with another song again

I just find lee hi's voice very emotional okay

it reminds me of the time when I first listened to "breathe"

honestly the song is such a breather for anyone's who's having a hard time

listening to the words "one day it will stop, and I'm gonna stop crying, stop feeling, stop thinking about you my baby" is quite comforting to hear

it really makes you think that is being alone really a bad idea?

I've listened to song on repeat ever since it came out

#meg.reviews #kpop review #comeback reviews #july comebacks review #kpop #chungha #ateez #gfriend #lee hi #somi #red velvet #irene seulgi #april

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howrry · 5 years

Text

ice

a/n: finally! i’m settled into skool lyfe and bella is back in business bitch (we love alliteration) here is that full fic of ice i’ve been hinting at :~)

w/c: 4.2k

warnings: this fic has an age gap of about 4 years and one of the characters is an older teenager! this is totally legal where i’m from but if it’s not where you are or it makes you uncomfortable then maybe don’t read this? also smut

***

Waiting for that one Facetime was like watching a huge pot of water boil. It was cliché, but you were running out of mundane things to do since you’d gotten home from uni. Seriously—laundry, reorganizing your soulless childhood room, even fully unpacking despite having weeks to get comfortable. Of course, as soon as you came back, you had your reunion with your parents and other family, but you hadn’t quite reached the seeing-friends phase of coming home.

At least, not until that lovely ringtone hummed through your room and you pounced on the bed, swiping on Gemma’s beautiful face. “Babe!” you cried.

“Hush,” she joked, crunching on a red apple on her side of the screen. You could hear her turn down the volume by clicking the buttons on her phone.

“Are you ready for me, then?” you asked, bouncing up and down on your tippy toes.

“No, don’t want to see you,” she crunched again, “just wanted to call to see how your mum’s doing. Of course I’m ready, twit!”

“Watch your language!” you chastised. “But I’ll be over in a New York minute.”

Getting ready was a rush—at this point you were just ready to get down the street. You shoved your feet into your Birks and grabbed your phone and keys, and once you’d padded down the stairs, your parents merely got a “be at Gem’s, later!” before you slammed the door.

When you got there, it was Harry who greeted you. You’d knocked and waited, since their house was always locked anyways. He threw the door open so fast that his cross necklace was still swinging when he rested his head on his forearm propped up on the doorframe. “Sorry, we don’t want any Girl Scout cookies,” he joked, smirking around his own jab.

“Ha ha ha,” you sarcastically bit. “Move it, Fisher-Price, I’m here for your sister.”

“I had a great semester, thank yeh for askin’,” he smiled, moving back and letting you in. “What about y’self?”

“It was productive, actually. Good to see you again, H,” you responded congenially. Ahh, the smell of your friend’s home was so nostalgic and inviting. It was fall all year round with the pumpkin in the living room, vanilla in the foyer, pine needles upstairs…

“Likewise,” he winked just before you went upstairs to your friend’s room.

Harry had always been a little charmer. Anne raised him to be very polite and he was naturally entertaining despite his introverted tendencies, but he’d always been Gemma’s annoying little brother to you. He always tried to butt into your hangouts with her, as far back as when he was four and you were eight and he wanted to play outside with you two, up to when he was 15 and you were 19 and he tried to buy beer from Gemma.

But soon, things changed. Harry got taller and his voice dropped and his skin got clear, and suddenly he wasn’t just the annoying little brother anymore. He was almost an adult, and he certainly developed a way with girls. The first time you went to see Gem and Harry had a girl over, something you couldn’t describe churned in your stomach. There’s no way Harry didn’t notice the way you cut your eyes when you initially saw her.

Ever since then, he just took a different light in your eyes. Going to Gemma’s house suddenly had double the benefits since you were seeing your best friend and her stupid hot little brother. If she left you alone for any period of time, you’d do anything to get Harry’s attention. He would chat with this amused smirk, one hand in his pocket and the other fiddling with his cross necklace, as if he knew you were subtly pining.

It was honestly kind of pathetic. He was still in high school, and you were in the home stretch of university. You had a potential hook-up pool that was at least five times the size of his and a much better selection, yet you were yearning for a guy who can’t even buy his own cigarettes.

But you didn’t care, and obviously Harry didn’t either. He humored your goofy flirting and gave it right back to you. For the most part, it was just harmless compliments and light schoolyard jabs and never escalated past that, until, well, it did.

You were going to go to brunch with Gemma that day. She’d gotten a part-time job as a photographer’s intern downtown that year, and invited you to try a new café with her. It was the perfect excuse to wear that flowy Free People dress you got, so you agreed.

While getting ready, Gemma called you in a panic. “Y/N! I forgot my wallet on my vanity at home,” she breathed. “Do you mind getting it before coming over?”

“Not a problem,” you hummed, checking your lipstick.

“Thanks, love. My mum left the front door unlocked when she got in this morning so just make yourself at home looking for it. See you soon!” Gemma blew a kiss into the phone before hanging up.

Her front door was open, just like she warned, and you hopped up the stairs to her room. Unfortunately, Gemma was more of the messy type, so finding her wallet was no easy task. Her vanity was covered in makeup and hair care bottles and papers from the previous semester. Where the hell could the wallet possibly be?

“Looking for somethin’?” Harry asked, leaning on the door frame with a Coke can in hand.

You looked up, pushing the hair that had fallen in your face to the side. “Need your sister’s wallet. It’s brunch time.”

“Ooh, bring me back a ricotta toast,” he ordered, reaching into Gemma’s Louis purse hanging by her door and pulling out her black wallet.

“You’d be lucky if I brought back a napkin,” you sneered, taking the wallet from him and going to shove past him.

He blocked your exit and held a hand up to your shoulder. “Wait, doll. Your earring is twisted backwards.” The hand that stopped you trailed up to softly ghost across your face and fix your earring, which must have gotten tangled in your wild goose chase.

Fuck, he was close. You could hear the soft breaths fanning out from his nostrils, his almost disinterested gaze slowly morphing into his classic smirk, and hand not leaving your skin in a timely fashion. His piercing green eyes rendered you stupidly frozen.

And the tension snapped. Within minutes he had you out of your dress and was fucking you into Gemma’s floral duvet. Everything was happening so fast; you didn’t even stop to think about how wrong it was. The feel of his teeth dragging across your neck and the stretch of his cock inside you were really the only things on your mind at that point.

It was rough and quick and dirty (and quite possibly the hottest thing you’ve ever done) but by the time you two were adjusting yourselves and catching your breath, you were twenty minutes late to lunch. You blamed it on traffic and Gemma didn’t care to push it.

So that’s how it started. It wasn’t anything exclusive, it wasn’t intimate, and it certainly wasn’t something you talked about outside of the bedroom. “The bedroom” being figurative, of course, since Harry and you liked to get it on whenever you had the chance. It wasn’t weird if you ended up bent over a washing machine or on your knees in front of him pressed up against the wall in a hallway.

When you thought about it, like reallypondered in a hot shower, you knew it was fucked up to be doing what you’re doing. It’s not like it was illegal—you just felt like you were betraying Gemma. You were closer to her than anyone else in the world and you were sneaking around with her brother.

He didn’t make it fair, though. He was so poised and smooth and fucked like he wasn’t still in AP Physics. The way he bantered with not only you but his sister and mother was definitely more witty than most boys his age. It only made sense to let him rearrange your guts.

So you had a bit of an internal dilemma. Frankly, if your little affair is well kept from Gemma, it shouldn’t be a problem at all. So you thought.

***

“So, do you have lice or something?” Gemma asked, raising an eyebrow from behind her magazine. The two of you had finally settled into winter break time and were taking turns spending at each other’s houses. Today, it was girls’ night at the Styles’ home.

You froze, one hand ruthlessly digging in your hair. “What? No. There’s just a wicked knot in my hair and I can’t get it out.” It was in the most unfortunate location on the back of your scalp, and your fingers could make no sense of the mat of hair.

“Do you need some help?” she offered, setting down her literature.

You reared back even though she was sitting at her desk across the room. “Gross, you just painted your nails! No thanks. Besides, I think I’m getting it.”

She shrugged and blew on her soft blue nails. “Whatever. I’m getting a yogurt.”

“I want one too,” you hummed, sliding off her comfortable duvet and gently pulling out a few strands of broken hair. A tiny plopaccompanied your feet on the rug and you spun in confusion. The noise was too soft to be a phone, but you still checked that yours was in your pocket. Barely visible in the fibers of the shag rug rested a solid black metallic ring. It was Harry’s.

You stared at it in horror. The ring had been in your goddamn hair. Earlier that day you’d given Harry a blowjob that left him slack-jawed and pink-cheeked and his hands had been so tangled up in your hair that your hair stole his ring. Which just fell out onto the floor in Gemma’s room.

“Is that Harry’s ring?” she hissed, gaze locking on the ring standing out from the white rug.

Oh no. Oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck—

“He’s such a twat. Why does he leave his jewelry everywhere? You could’ve stepped on that!” she continued, reaching down to pick it up. “I’m gonna throw it in the trash.”

When she moved to her trash bin, your eyes widened and you squealed a “don’t!” That ring was really nice and you knew Harry would be devastated if she threw it out.

Gemma turned slowly. “Why?”

Your mind raced to think of a good excuse. “Because, if you throw out a ring he wears all the time, he’ll throw out something of yours that youcherish.” You gestured towards her vanity where the Tiffany box sat. She’d just bought herself a necklace for doing so well on her exams and you knew that Harry would retaliate with it.

Your best friend eyed the necklace and then the ring in her fingers. “You’re right,” she finally agreed. You let out a huge breath—there was always the risk of being too weird about Harry and blowing your own cover, but once Gemma ducked into her brother’s room and pinged Harry’s back with the ring, you knew the cover was totally intact.

***

God, you didn’t want to party. The break ended next week and soon it’d be books and schedules and debt again. Who could be shotgunning 4Lokos at a time like this?! Plus, none of the bars were open this day of the week so the only option was a freakin’ house party. What uni students over the age of 21 go to house parties?

But Gemma wanted to, and what she wants, she gets. Though you loved her tenacious attitude at times, all you cared about right now was taking off your revealing top and climbing into bed.

You nursed on straight Coke in the kitchen and absentmindedly watched Gemma go hard. You trusted her and vice versa; she knew her limits but still could have a really, really good time. The men of the party were in awe as she threw back tequila and slapped the bag right after, and even the inside of yourmouth was feeling withered just watching her.

“Hey, there,” you heard from off to the side. You casually lulled your head over to see a shockingly attractive guy. He had thick, dark hair with a sprinkling of light brown freckles on the bridge of his nose.

“Hi. You lost?” you joked, moving to make room on the upholstered bench next to you, where the mystery man joined you.

“Not anymore.” Mm. The faint scent of alcoholic breath wafted to your face but this stranger was keeping his composure quite well. “I’m Russell.”

“Y/N, pleasure,” you hummed, shaking his hand.

He started chatting you up, but to be fair, it was in one ear and out the other. He was clearly throwing words to the wind, and not even his good looks or nice cologne could draw your attention. It wasn’t like Harry, who could entice you with conversations about chopped liver if he so wanted to.

Ahh, Harry. You wondered what he was up to right now. He was probably at a party himself, drinking watery beer and flirting with any bird with eyelash extensions that gave him attention. God, why were you getting so jealous of him? You certainly didn’t owe him any loyalty and neither did he. In fact, if you so desired, you could go out and get laid right now and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it!

Your attention drifted back to the cute boy next to you. Somehow, as Russell droned on about his recent physics prof, you started to see Harry in his features. Certainly not in anything coming out of his mouth, but the curls that flopped down into his face were just like H’s after he’s played footy all day. Russell’s hands had prominent veins on them, just like Harry’s hands when they were grabbing at your skin and smacking your ass. Even the way he toyed with his bottom lip while thinking aloud.

Though H was really the last person you wanted on your mind right now, all these physical thoughts were making Russell more and more attractive by the minute. He wasn’t Harry, but maybe he could be Great Value Harry. You reciprocated his flirty chatter and got touchy with him, and things quickly devolved into kissing in the corner of the kitchen you two occupied.

Things were happening surprisingly fast for how sober you were. You went upstairs with him, you made out with him on a random bed, you undressed each other, and before you knew it he was rolling on a condom and pushing himself into you.

It wasn’t necessarily that it was bad sex. Russell had soft lips that kissed your neck as he thrusted and he certainly wasn’t small, but it didn’t really blow you out of the water. Your toes didn’t curl and your eyes didn’t roll back into your skull. He even lasted a decent amount of time, but once you made your mind up about not getting an O, you kinda just wanted it to end.

Once it did, he got busy falling asleep and you tried to not take it personally (c’mon, it’s pretty taxing for a guy to cum). You tugged your clothes back on and went out to look for Gemma, and of course she was upstairs as well, throwing up into a bathroom trashcan.

“Hey, Gem, how you feel?” you asked, rubbing at her back and tucking your hair behind your ears.

“Better now that this is out of me. Wanna go home?” she mumbled, sighing and wistfully staring at the toilet that she was seconds from making it into.

“Yep. C’mon, I’ll call an Uber,” you said to no one, hoisting a lackadaisical Gemma onto your shoulder and out of the house.

Once home, getting Gemma situated was the most difficult part. Her mother worked late and Harry was probably out, but even without the chance of running into one of her family members, she was still heavy. Her choice to not use her legs at all certainly didn’t do you any favors, either.

When the front door opened and the familiar smell of her abode hit Gemma’s nose, she perked up. It became minimally easier to hoist her up the stairs and into her bed. You did your best to scrub at the makeup that had lasted through her dancing and puking without waking her, but she was so tired and lulled to sleep by her drinks that an earthquake wouldn’t make her stir for at least eight hours. You nodded at the unopened cheap water on her nightstand, reminding yourself to get her a reusable bottle.

Your work was done. Gemma was snoring smoothly within minutes with a clean face and a drink waiting for her in the morning. You got laid, even though you were completely sober, it wasn’t exactly a great dick review, and you’re a 21-year-old who got fucked at a house party. Maybe it was just time to go home and accept the night for… whatever it was. You padded downstairs softly despite the minor coma your best friend was in. Common courtesy, you supposed.

Thump.

Face first into a chest. It was totally dark in the house and you definitely didn’t expect there to be a solid torso in Gemma’s living room for you to bump into. A sharp gasp filled your lungs and the figure reached behind and clicked the lamp on. Harry, of course.

“Jesus Christ, you scared the hell out of me,” you breathed, slapping a hand to your chest.

“It’s my house,” he grumbled. As your eyes adjusted to the light, you saw his puffy eyes and messy hair and wrinkled clothes. He’d been sleeping.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you? I thought you’d be out.” Just seeing him in such a soft state made your lower belly swirl.

He shook his head a bit. “What are y’doing here?”

“Went to a party with Gem. She got too wild so I put her to bed,” you bluntly explained.

Harry pursed his lips, crossing his arms and eyeing you focusedly. “Did you have a good time?”

“No,” you answered quickly, because you didn’t. “I didn’t drink and I had to take care of Gemma and I fucked someone.” That last part fell out of your mouth before you had a chance to think twice.

There were a few beats of a heavy silence and you wondered if you made a mistake. “Did they fuck you good, baby?” he finally asked, no emotion inflecting his words.

You couldn’t have been less prepared for that response. “No,” you whimpered, face getting hot at his critical stare.

“Oh, doll, they couldn’t fuck yeh like I can, huh?” His voice was pure sex—every response he had to you threw you off more than the last. Everything he said just floated off his tongue and danced into the room and onto whosever’s ears they were around.

“No, they couldn’t,” you choked out. You felt like your throat was closing. “No one fucks me like you do and I can’t understand it. I shouldn’t be seeing you because it’s so wrong but...” God, shut up shut up shut up. Your word vomit amused Harry beyond belief. The smug look on his face was making you feel even smaller than his height already did.

“Oh, I know what you’re sayin’, doll,” he laughed. “You wanna do the right thing by m’sister but yeh just can’t. Deep down y’know you’ll always come back to me, hmm?” Harry took a step towards you, and you completely froze. You thought that he was about to bend down and kiss you but he surprised you yet again by snapping a hand up and gripping it around your neck. “I own you, y’hear me?”

You nodded, or at least the best you could with his vice grip on you. Every breath you tried to take stopped short in the back of your throat, and it almost felt like your feet were about to lift off the ground. Your own hands flew up to claw at Harry’s hand before his grip finally softened. A thick gasp sucked in and your legs threatened to not support your body, but he grabbed at you and steadied you. His fingers grazed your quivering lips. “Who’s mouth is this?” he asked, intently staring.

“Yours,” it came out as a whisper. Normally he’d be much meaner and wouldn’t accept such a quiet response, but he was feeling generous, apparently. He leaned down and kissed you, sucking in on your bottom lip and biting the red flesh.

The two of you made your way down to the couch, such that you were straddling Harry and he was cupping at your ass. Your hair kept falling in your faces, but he didn’t care and continued to kiss you and grab at your throat.

He took a break and leaned back on the couch, taking his time to lazily cup at the soft skin behind your thighs. “Mmm, and who’s ass is this?” When you breathed out another “yours” he smacked it audibly. “Goddamn right, pet.”

He didn’t take your shirt off, nor any of his clothes. He lifted you just enough for you to tug your shorts and panties down, and for him to pull his leaking cock out of his dark sweats. You tried to tease for a moment, grinding your bare center against him, but he put a stop to that. “Do I even have t’ask if this is mine?” he growled, assertively cupping your cunt with his big hand. You shook your head and he smirked, guiding his tip up and down your slit.

“Nope, because I know it’s mine,” he whispered, letting you slip his whole length inside your wet pussy. He shoved his hands up the back of your shirt, dragging his nails down the soft skin. Once you’d bottomed out and you were desperately grinding your clit against his pubic bone, he put a hand flat on your chest. “Lean back and ride me, pet.”

You obeyed to the best of your ability. You put your hands behind you on his knees and shifted your weight back, allowing him to fully watch himself disappear into you. The coarse, dark curls at the base of his member lightly stimulated your clit on the downstrokes, making you helplessly whimper while you fucked yourself on him.

“Are yeh sure you fucked someone?” he grunted. “So fuckin’ tight, I just don’t believe it.” His fingers snaked down and played around with your clit, which undoubtedly threw off your bouncing. Your hips begged to stay down and enjoy the circles he was tracing over your button, but he wouldn’t let you. His free hand went to your hip, just above where it bent into your thigh, and guided you to start moving again. “Uh-uh. Keep ridin’ me, love. I know yeh can keep a rhythm, hmm?”

So you kept riding. The pressure of his tip ghosting around your G-spot combined with him stimulating your clit was making it difficult to stay quiet. Sure, Gem was asleep, but she wasn’t dead, and if you made a ridiculous amount of noise, she’d definitely investigate.

“Gonna cum, aren’t yeh?” he asked, and fuck, he was right. That knot was already starting to form in your lower belly.. “I can tell. Yeh gonna let go, all over m’cock? Gonna make a mess fo’ me?”

His words caused you to spill over, and you were no longer able to hold yourself up leaning back. He was very forgiving of this, and let you grab at his shoulders while riding out your high. Once you’d stopped shaking and panting into his neck, he thrusted his hips up into you once, twice, three times and came inside of you with a grunt and some more nail-digging, this time into your thighs.

And then it was silent. You meekly got off of him and shakily pulled your shorts back up. You two quietly redressed, Harry nearly dead from his draining orgasm and you weak in the legs from your sexual workout. The only noise was the scratch of fabric on fabric and your shared heavy breathing. Finally, when you were gathering your things to leave, Harry spoke in his sultry, hoarse voice.

“I like when you come around,” he smiled, and you immediately returned it. It didn’t seem like much, but this was Harry’s way of expressing affection. Regardless of how good he was in bed or how witty and charming he came off, he was still a goofy teenage boy who had trouble talking about his emotions.

A little giggle came out of your nostrils. “Thanks, Haz.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, hmm?” he asked, pinning that unconfident noise at the end despite knowing you’d be back. He was already relaxing, crossing his arms behind his head and lazily eyeing you scramble towards the front door.

“Yeah,” you dreamily affirmed, giving a quick wave to Harry (which he goofily returned) and floating out the front door. “Tomorrow,” you said to the empty street in front of you, toying with your car keys in your hands.

#yahtzeeeeeee #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harryforvogue #permanentcross #jawllines #haroldloverboy #inwhichitrytowritesomething #adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy

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thiswasinevitableid · 5 years

Text

Grave Danger

The prompt for the 26th was: Graveyard Shift.

This is set in what’s basically a reverse!AU. It is not suitable for work.

Barclay shouldn’t be out here.

Not in the “he’s going to get in trouble if he’s caught” way. In the “if the world was fair, he wouldn’t be doing a graveyard shift in a literal graveyard” way.

But the network demands more episodes of “Chasing Bigfoot” and unless he wants to be fired and broke, he must deliver them. It’s not that he completely hates his job; the money pays the rent, paid for top surgery, half-paid for phallo, and sometimes nets him fans who are actually interested in the science of investigating the unknown rather than night-vision camera footage of blurry objects. But much of the fanbase loves that second category.

That’s why he’s here in Kepler, WV, investigating a viral Bigfoot sighting (Barclay is 95% sure that the video is someone in a Chewbacca costume). That’s why he’s staying at the Amnesty Lodge, still slightly visible down the hill and through the trees.

The Lodge is actually the best part of this whole trip. The residents were wary of him at first, but they’ve been warming up to him.

And there’s one in particular that he’d love to warm up. Joseph Stern, blue eyed and dark haired, fastidious and charming. Barclay’s done his best to flirt with the other man, but so far has gotten only to the point of a casual friendship.

He sighs, adjusts the settings on his camera. It’s a tiny, handheld one, as the ratings suggest that audiences love grainy, shaky footage of him being out in the woods at night. Or a graveyard. Specifically, a graveyard where earlier in the day he’d spotted some footprints that were really, really weird. He loves cryptozoology, even if he knows much of it is faked, and he’d love to be the one to finally find proof of previously unknown species.

Bushes rustle further up the hill, and he hops the run-down stone wall at the edge of the cemetary to investigate. It’s probably just a deer, but it might make for some decent B-Roll.

He ducks under branches, looking through the viewfinder as he enters a small clearing.

A huge shape, covered in black fur, is surveying the ground. It raises its head up, then stands on its hind legs.

A werewolf. An honest to fucking god werewolf.

This is amazing. This is going to make his whole career. He can make millions, he can retire from this shitty show, can open his own restaurant, just as soon as he sells this footage of, of….

Of a werewolf looking directly at him, eyes glinting in the moonlight.

It growls and, without thinking, he runs. The creature howls once, then gives chase.

He doesn’t even make it ten yards. Strong claws connect with his back and knock him to the ground. Ripping fabric and short, aggravated growls fill the air as the monster paws at him, rolling him this way and that. He curls in on himself, protecting the camera and his vital organs.

“Where is it?” The wolf snarls in his ear.

“Wh-where is what?”

“The camera.”

“I, it’s.” Another growl, a clawed hand tightening on the back of his neck and he realizes that even if he hands the camera over, he’s a dead man if he doesn’t get away from this thing first.

“I don’t have a camera, so fuck off.” He kicks his foot back, catching the wolf in the ribs, and starts crawling away. It yelps, grabs his ankle and drags him back. He throws an elbow, gets his wrists pinned beneath one massive paw for his trouble.

“Give. Me. the. Camera.”

With mounting terror, he understands that a fight would be pointless.

“Inside pocket of my jacket. Please” the werewolf flips him over, rifles under his coat, “please, just take it and let me go. I, I really don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die as some z-list reality star, I haven’t even gotten to ask the cute guy at the lodge out yet.”

The werewolf, camera in hand, blinks at him, “cute guy?”

“Uh huh, uh, he’s, he’s sorta the manager of the place, he listens to me when I talk about foodie stuff and my dream restaurant, and he’s really funny and I, I really like him, and I wanna ask him out, which I can’t do if you eat me, and uh-”

“If you wanted to ask him, why haven’t you?” The werewolf crosses it’s arms, sitting back on its heels. The disapproving look on its face has him stammering to explain himself.

“Be-cause I, um, I’m not totally sure how he feels about me. Sometimes he’s really friendly and flirty, then he gets kinda stand-offish. I just don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me. But if you don’t kill me, I swear I’ll ask him to dinner, first thing tomorrow.”

“That won’t be necessary.” The wolf leans closer, grinning.

“Fuck.” Barclay squeaks out, shutting his eyes because he really doesn’t want to see his organs leave his body.

The clawed hand cups his chin.

“Look at me, Barclay.” The command is quiet.

He does, peeking out from his lashes to see the wolf gazing at him with clever, blue eyes.

“Stern?”

The wolf nods, but doesn’t let go of his chin.

“Are you gonna kill me?”

Stern lets go and sighs, prolonged and put-upon, “No, I’m not. I just needed to get this” he holds up the camera, “and there’s really no way to chase someone in this form that doesn’t make them think I want to eat them. But I couldn’t risk you getting away and someone seeing that footage. I never wanted to hurt you, or even frighten you.”

“But aren’t werewolves supposed to be, like, mindless killers when they transform?”

That disapproving look is back, “In pop culture, yes. In reality, no. And we don’t need the moon to transform either. We just look like this.” He gazes at Barclay, fangs showing in a smile, “Now, do you have something you want to ask me?”

Barclays brain stalls out and Sterns shoulders fall, his ears flatten, and he stares at the forest floor.

“It’s alright if you’re not interested in me after learning what I am. I understand.” He says softly. Barclay recognizes the way his face struggles to stay neutral; he’s seen it happen a few times when the other man got bad news. It’s odd, seeing Sterns mannerisms mapped onto such an intimidating form.

Odd, but endearing.

Barclay reaches out, touches his fingers to Sterns left arm.

“Hey.”

Stern looks at him, ears perking up.

“You wanna grab dinner with me tomorrow?”

“Yes.” He takes Barclays hand in both of his, fur lush and radiating warmth, “I kept hoping you’d ask, even if I knew it was better that you didn’t get too close to me.”

“Because of the whole werewolf thing?”

“In a way. Me being like this is part of something...much bigger. And Mama and I, we have to be careful about what people find out about Kepler and the lodge. It’s our job to keep them safe. Having someone whose whole job is finding monsters learn the truth is an immense risk. So even though I was, er, am attracted to you, I knew it was best to steer clear. Unfortunately, my heart didn’t get the memo.”

“Aw, babe.” Barclay draws his other hand down Sterns cheek.

“I do wish we’d been able to clear the air some other way.”

“You wish? I’m the one who thought I was gonna be torn apart.” Barclay teases.

“I’m sorry. If I had my enchantment on, I’d offer an apology kiss.” Then he grins, leans forward, and nuzzles the crook of Barclays neck. Barclay snickers, then full-on laughs when his tongue darts out.

“What’s so funny?” He does it again.

“It kinda tickles, and it, uh, it feels nice AHhey.” He laughs harder as Stern continues snuffling and licking at him, one arm looping around his waist.

“I do sincerely apologize for such poor customer service.”

“Gonna ah!, ha, leave you a bad yelp review.” He does his best to wrap his arms around Sterns shoulders.

“Oh no, the horror.” Stern deadpans, nuzzling his cheek. Barclay absentmindedly scratches the thick, dark fur on the back of his neck. Stern is sleeker than most depictions of werewolves he’s seen, and that combined with his coloration makes him striking to behold.

“You never had a bunch of people mad at you online have you-what’s that noise?”

“Ah, well, um.”

“Is your tail-?”

“Please don’t say wagging. It’s just a physical expression of the fact that I feel good.”

“That so?” Barclay scritches the same spot and the soft thumping increases, so he skates his nails over Sterns shoulders and down his chest. He presses them down firmer on the next pass.

Stern growls; a guttural, terrifying noise.

But in place of terror, something hot and dark Barclay’s his system and he freezes.

Stern pulls back, “I’m so sorry, that noise can be really unnerving, it’s mostly a reflex.”

“Unnerving. Right.”

Sterns eyes go wide, and his nose is once again against Barclays throat. He sniffs, hot breath raising goosebumps on his skin.

“Barclay, would you like to know something else about this form?” He murmurs.

“Sure.”

“My sense of smell is extremely good. And I can pick up on things like fear. And….” one claw trails gently on Barclays stomach, “arousal. I sense that second feeling coming off you. Am I picking up the right thing?”

“Uh huh. I gotta be honest babe, this is the horniest and the most confused I’ve been in awhile.”

“I’m a bit surprised myself.” He’s rubbing his hands along Barclays arms, comfortingly, “And if you’re not interested, or need more time to adjust, say the word and I’ll back off.”

“And if I want you to, uh, keep going?”

Another growl and he’s flat on his back, Stern looming over him, teeth bared. He tries to move, finds he can’t as strong, clawed fingers dig into his shoulders.

“Fucking-A, that’s hot.”

Sterns’ laugh is deeper than normal, but it’s still bright and happy when he stares adoringly down at Barclay.

“Do you like being my prey?”

“Now that I know you’re not actually gonna eat me? Yes.”

“Mmmmmm” Stern traces a clawtip along Barclays lips, then down his throat, which he bears as he arches his back, “Glad to hear it, even if it means I owe Duck ten dollars.”

“What? Ohfuck.” Stern drags his tongue along Barclays collarbone as he rather daintily undoes his shirt.

“We were all relaxing one night and there was some, um, speculation as to how various people we know are in bed. I maintained that you might like being the dominant one, since you’re so gentle normally and could enjoy the chance to cut loose. Duck insisted you “look like you wanted me to bend you over and make you cry.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Duck can be rather blue.” Stern zig-zags the very tip of a claw down his chest

“Is he, shit, also fucking psychic?”

“No, though he can see the future and, wait, oh, oh of course” he shakes his head, “he looked at the future to see what you’d be into.”

Barclay’s about to ask why Stern makes bets with someone who can see the future when Stern growls again, dropping down and rolling his hips against him. Paws his legs lovingly, licks and nips at his chest.

“That, oh fuck, that feels so good babe, just don’t go turning me into a werewolf.”

“That’s not how it actually works.” Stern huffs.

“Uh huh, sure. Maybe I’ll just-” He sinks his teeth into Sterns upper arm. There’s a snarl, and Barclay is flipped onto his stomach. He moans, tucking his knees underneath him.

“Look at you, putting your ass in the air for me like a good boy.”

“Joseph” He whispers.

“I’m right here, don’t worry. I’m going to make such good use of you, I’ll make you feel so good.” The barest hint of teeth brush his neck, Stern surrounding him on all sides, warm and heavy. He feels safer than he has in years.

“Undo your jeans.” He’s gripping Barclays hips.

Barclay obeys, and they’re quickly yanked down to his knees, taking his boxers with them.

“Now” something slick and solid teases at his ass, “in case it isn’t obvious, there is no way this is fitting without some serious preparation. So, you won’t be getting it that way tonight.”

Barclay whines. Claws clamp down on his neck, “That is not negotiable, no matter how badly we both want it. Spread your legs.”

Barclay does his best, is rewarded by Stern stroking his hair, growling softly, “good boy.”

A cock, thick and already sticky with pre-cum, slides between his thighs.

“Close them.”

He does, and this time a strong arm slips beneath him. When Sterns hand circles his cock, he whimpers, pushing back instinctively. Stern gives a sharp growl.

“That’s it. Oh lord it’s wonderful, having you underneath me like this. Maybe we should just stay like this. I could hold you this way all night.”

“Joseph, baby, please, I’ll do anything, just move.”

The grip on his cock tightens.

“You’re not the one giving the orders, Barclay. Remember that.” Stern nuzzles his ear, voice dripping with menace.

“S-sorry, fuckfuck” he pulls up fistfulls of dirt as Stern pounds against him, the movement of his thrusts forcing Barclay to fuck into his fist over and over again. He gasps when finds Sterns cock is long enough to brush his own as he fucks his thighs.

“See, I was right not to try to shove that into this” he paws Barclays ass.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” Barclay chants in time with the movement of Sterns hips.

“Say it”

“You, you were right, you’re always right, I’ll listen to you for the rest of my life because of how right you are, shit, shit.”

“That’s right, you will. Because you like having someone who could tear you to shreds do this instead.”

The pressure on Barclays cock is the best kind of too-tight, Stern thumbing at the tip relentlessly. It’s efficient, calculated, so very Stern.

“Oh yeah, fuck that feels good, babe, gahfuck, where did you learn to give such an amazing handjo-ohhhhshit.” He thumps his fist on the ground as he comes, trying and failing to bury the whimper he makes as Stern refuses to stop fucking him.

The hand that moments ago was jacking him off settles by his head as Stern hunches further forward, chin resting on Barclays shoulder as the jerks his hips. The precision is waning, the thrusts between his thighs growing ragged and stuttery.

Stern pants in his ear, “You’re taking me so well, your thighs feel delicious, nnh, I cannot wait to fuck your ass, I cannot wait to make you scream.” His voice is stuck in a deep growl and he mouths at Barclays skin hungrily.

“Whatever you want, babe.” Barclay says dreamily, resting his hand atop Sterns own, leaves crunching as he does.

“That’s right, whatever I want, because you are mine, all mine, and I cannot believe it, ohlord, yesyes.” He thrusts as far as he can, the thick, flared base of his cock pushing through Barclays legs for the first time. Come spurts on Barclays belly, drips down his thighs, as Stern holds him close, growls giving way to higher, sweeter sounds.

They collapse onto their sides, still tangled together. Barclay manages to turn, bring them face to face. Stern is grinning at him, claws coming up to carefully brush his hair from his face, and there’s the tell-tale thwup-thwup of his tail on the ground.

“Well, that was a first.”

“Never fucked a human before?”

“No, not that part. You, ah, you called” his voice goes shy, “you called me babe. Not really a pet name I’d ever thought someone would use on me when I looked like this.”

“Does it bug you?”

“Not at all.” He brings Barclays right palm up to his face and nuzzles it, then catches sight of his appearance, “oh dear, we should get back to the lodge so you can clean up before that...hardens.”

They pick their way back through the trees, unseen, and slip through the back door. When they reach Sterns room, Barclay strips off his dirty clothes and Stern picks up a small necklace. As soon as he puts it on, it’s now a purely human face that smiles at the other man.

“I don’t usually forget it when I go out on a scouting mission. It just slipped my mind this time. Careless, really.”

“Dunno, think it worked out pretty well. Oh, here” Barclay takes the camera, pops out the chip and hands it to Stern, “that’s all the footage of you I got. Plus, like, some B-roll that I can retake tomorrow.”

Stern takes it, kisses his cheek, which turns into a tender, promising kiss on the lips. Reluctantly, Barclay breaks away to go shower. When he returns, Stern is in a set of matching, X-Files patterned pajamas, reading. He flips open the covers and Barclay crawls beneath them, the silk of the pajamas wonderfully cool against his bare skin as Stern nestles in his arms.

“I must say, it is nice to find someone who’s bigger than me in at least one form. It makes for excellent cuddling.”

“Glad to be of service.” Barclay rests his cheek on Sterns forehead, “you still wanna go out tomorrow night?”

“Of course. Though I request that any fucking take place in my nice comfy bed. I keep finding leaves stuck in odd places.”

“You got a deal.”

“And, if you like and Mama is comfortable with you learning more about the lodge, I think I may know where you could find work as chef. Since it’s apparent to anyone who talks to you for more than five minutes that’s your true calling.”

“That’d be amazing.”

A final, sweet kiss.

“Goodnight, Barclay.”

“Goodnight. Babe.”

#agent stern/barclay #sternclay #promptober #werewolves #reverse!au #TAZ Amnesty #trans Barclay

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rewind-reviews · 4 years

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So I'm Playing... Pokemon Sword

So I'm playing Pokemon Sword and I have somethings to say. I am by no means a huge Pokemon fan, in fact I'm the stereotype, gen one is by far my favourite, Squirtle is the best Pokemon ever created and not only do I still play Pokemon GO regularly I think the let's go games are some of the best pokemon games around not only for fans of the franchise but newcomers alike. But that's not why we're here.

I really wasn't all that excited for sword and shield before release for a few reasons. I was left really disappointed with the last Pokemon I played (Pokemon X) and only really being dragged into the let's go games because it's a pokemon game I already knew and I had the Pokeball plus. On top of that, the directs around the game really didn't interest me all that much, don't get me wrong I did watch them and thought some of the designs were cool but nothing really grabbed me and made me really want the game. It did, however, make everyone I knew want the game so of course, I succumbed to peer pressure and got the sword while my girlfriend got shield.

Going into it I really wasn't expecting much, I thought I would play it for a few hours and then just stop when I couldn't be bothered to grind anymore but I couldn't have been more wrong. So far I am loving this game I will admit i have only beaten the first two gyms so I still have a long road ahead of me but man I am looking forward to almost every step of it.

First off the setting for sword makes me so damn happy being a British boy that was raised in the country myself makes seeing all the farmland, sheep pokemon, and really inconvenient train travel just feel like a breath of manure scented fresh air and boy oh boy do I love it. The wide-open fields of the wild area, small little market towns, and huge people filled cities (or let's face it big towns) really do capture what it's like living in the country in the UK or well to me at least. Plus the facts that the game looks great, runs smooth as butter (most of the time, the wild area can make it dip just a tad every now and then) and the soundtrack is so damn good I seriously love every track I have heard so far are all just bonuses. I know a few people that really don't like the dialogue in these games but I love it, seeing English slang in a game like this is hilarious be it the overuse of the word "mate" or even one trainer greeting me with the classic "'ello, 'ello what's all this then?" I find all of this just so charming and honestly it works so well.

I have also enjoyed some of the changes sword brings I know they might not be new to the franchise but they are sure as hell new to me so go easy on me here. During battle, you can obviously see what attacks you can do pretty normal right?? WELL NOW YOU CAN SEE HOW THE ATTACK WILL AFFECT THE POKEMON YOU ARE FIGHTING!!!! and not only for the pokemon you have selected it shows up while you are swapping a pokemon from your party to. This one little feature has saved my little dudes from getting wiped out more times than I can count its such a good idea for kids just getting into the games or well people like me...Ahem. Being able to bond with the pokemon you have in your party while out adventuring is now possible to thanks to the hobby I never understood camping. While out on your quest to be the very best you can whip out your tent and camp out anywhere you so choose. while doing this you can play with you Pokemon, talk to them and even cook for them. Doing this will help you become closer to your team making them help you during battles and help earn a little bit of EXP too. While I think this is a great addition that you don't have to do if you don't want to I wish the EXP gained form this was a little higher and the cooking mini-game is just so boring, yeah sure it was fun the first few times I did it but I don't want to do this every time I need to heal while I'm on the road.

Gyms have changed a little bit too there are now challenges before each individual gym leader called gym challeneges creative I know. these are basically little mini-games that range from herding sheep to solving puzzles all the while fighting trainers along the way. I adore these way more than I should, I get way more excited to do these than I do the gym leader and getting through them just feels great because your reward is a fight you aren't going to forget. From what I have seen they are the perfect balance and would provide the perfect difficulty for new and old players alike.

I do have a small gripe with some of the characters too. Most of them are totally one hundred per cent fine but there are a few that really get on my nerves. No Team Yell isn't one of them... I think they are funny. Leon and Hop are where most of my issues lie. Leon is too dumb I mean come on he is the god damn Pokemon champion and he is so "useless with directions" he would get lost in his home town when its a straight line to his house?? dude come on. Plus what's going on with his design?? did he get that weird coat when he became champion?? does he ever take it off?? it's weird. I have a love-hate relationship with Hop, sometimes I find him funny and fun to read but other times he is so god damn annoying. He is just all energy all the time and just reading it tires me out. His gestures are so strange and sometimes look downright inapropriate he just looks so out of place and weird all the time because of his constant over excitement. I don't like his design either the denim jacket he wears that just stops at his wrists makes it seem as if its too small, his tousers are uncomfortably skin tight in my opinion (weird thing to notice I know) and I just don't like his face it seems way too simple even for Pokemon. Some of the designs for the pokemon look kind of gross too I mean Sobble starts looking gross, becomes an emo kid then is just a skinny man that somehow has a beer belly. They ruined Zigzagoon and Meowth, one pokemon is just a pigeon and many many more that just don't sit well with me.

Overall Pokemon Sword is a pretty great game and I'm looking forward to seeing what comes up next and even if I will actually finish the Pokedex this time... screw the Currydex though I'm not that committed. Now if you will excuse me I have a fire gym to beat.

Here have a cute little scorbunny by the amazing mousieex over on instagram https://www.instagram.com/mousieex/

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plounce · 5 years

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hugely nerdy and self indulgent cr2/doctor who crossover widomauk rambling, as promised. under the cut you will find: caleb the time/space travelling atoner, nott & jester & fjord & beau the companions, molly the jack harkness/river song figure, and as always: ludicrous romantic tension.

caleb is the doctor because it’s the most obvious choice and sometimes the most obvious choice is the most suitable, and also the easiest. repentant, keeping other people around for their utility and how they keep him human, kind of a pushy know-it-all weirdo bastard, etc. the whole doctor deal. destroyed his whole planet! but probably for less noble reasons. oh caleb you bastard etc. is currently trying to gather the tools and knowledge from across space-time to “fix” his mistake.

nott, jester, fjord, and beau are his companions. nott was his first companion, because she's what really opened him up to the idea of having someone with him, someone that can keep him in line and human, and that it's good to have a friend instead of being alone.

after nott leaves (probably doesn’t die? just. Has To Leave for some reason, she’s okay) caleb is despondent and HERE COMES JESTER! GAP YEAR! and also on the run, but that’s less important. she’s an alien! jester and fjord’s tenures overlap slightly, and then jester leaves to go back to her mom. later on caleb abandons fjord back home after fjord almost Awakens a very bad being to obtain Great Power and caleb is like yeah... this dude should not be around me and the power i have, i’m bad enough already, two of us hopping through spacetime is. not a great combo for all life in the universe

he’s not looking to have another companion after that but look who it is! beau. and beau doesn’t want to be there and caleb doesn’t want her there but she’s STUCK in the tardis for some scifi reason and ZANY ADVENTURES AND ETHICAL CONUNDRUMS ENSUE and she’s the best companion (she’s caleb’s donna). they fight so much and caleb appreciates it. beau like... realizes that she has power in her life! she can affect change! she’s meaningful and can achieve great good! and she turns out really cool and good. hell yeah beau i love her

molly is a sort of jack harkness/river song figure, except better because i’m not steven moffat. jumping around spacetime with a vortex manipulator to have fun and see everything and indulge in all the luxuries the universe has to offer, popping in and out of caleb’s timeline in haphazard, shuffled order. it’s always sort of ambiguous if they’re in a romance or not? because they’re trying to avoid unstable paradoxes and oversharing information, but there’s lingering looks and dropped hints. they eventually start keeping little timeline journals to figure out when the other is. (if you know penumbra, throw in a dash of peter nureyev as well.)

when caleb first meets molly, molly’s known him for a good long while at that point. nott’s with him at that point, and when he meets her molly's face lights up and he goes "so THIS is nott the brave! i've heard so much about you! mostly good things." because in molly’s timeline, this is the first time he’s met the famous nott! up until then, from his perspective, nott had left the tardis. and nott is like ........who? the fuck? are you? and caleb is also like........ ah fuck this is weird. ok. ok

molly travels with them for a month or so, and then bids them adieu and flounces off to live his own life. “it’s what we do,” he explains to nott and caleb. “i live my life, and you live your life, but it’s always so good to see you.”

right before he leaves, he pauses and considers caleb, a hand tapping his chin and a smirk curling up his mouth. then he leans in and drops a peck on caleb's lips. "you told me i do that when i first leave," molly says, winking. caleb isn't quite sure if molly is telling the truth, or if he's just making up an excuse as to why he kissed him, but he's bright red and he can't really react or even process it. because he’d noticed molly was pretty - how could one not - but he’s never even considered having romantic relationships, what with the weight on his shoulders, but - but???????

then molly says, "i'll be seeing you later, mister caleb." and he walks into the packed spaceport they’re in, and caleb is standing there stunned, and then nott returns with two cups of coffee, and she looks at caleb's face & posture and the last flicker of riotous color disappearing into so many people, and she goes, "what just happened?! what did he do?! do you want me to follow him?! make him pay?!" and caleb absently reaches up to his mouth, then curls his hand into a fist at the last moment. "no... no, nott. let's go back to the tardis, ja?"

the next time caleb sees molly, it’s a month after that. so caleb has known him for two months. but molly says he’s known caleb for a long, long time, and looks at him so sweetly and caringly for a moment that caleb has to look away. molly asks how long caleb’s known him, and caleb says “two months.” and molly goes “oh!” and seems to consciously put whatever feelings he has in a little box in his head, and acts very normally and courteously towards him, seems to purposefully distance himself from him. there’s still some lingering looks and unconscious touches that he can’t seem to help, and everyone knows what’s going on, but caleb just does his best to ignore it and everyone else doesn’t acknowledge it. it’s a weird, kind of awkward situation.

“i don’t want to make caleb uncomfortable,” he tells nott at some point. “the poor man has enough stress in his life already. i just try to bring some laughter and light into his life when i see him.” caleb and molly almost have a talk about some things, but they get interrupted with no small amount of Dramatic Irony, and then...

that adventure closes with molly dying to save caleb and nott’s lives. stands in front of the evil alien of the week, scifi weapons flashing even as he’s near death, listing to one side but still spitting out curses and quips, just enough time for the safety of an airlock door to close in front of caleb and nott. and when that door opens, the room is empty except for a huge sword plunged through molly’s chest and into the floor, and molly is already cold. his coat is in tatters and his eyes are still open. there were no goodbyes.

they push his body out to drift in space, free and untethered. they take his coat and hang it up in the closet of the room molly stayed in for that first month, because molly loved that coat and they can’t just... let it freeze in the vacuum of space.

caleb is tempted to save the little journal that molly said he kept their timelines straight in, is tempted to read it and learn and know and have control over that so he can stop it from happening so molly doesn’t die for him or get involved with him - but nott stops his hand and says third rule: no unstable paradoxes. and caleb nods, and huffs out a weak laugh at the callback to his crash-course time travelling guide, and leaves the little book in molly’s pant pocket.

the next time he sees him he's shocked - he stands stock still as molly lopes up to him, and molly goes "mister caleb! so excited to see you, hello darling! lovely as always to run into you. let's compare notes, shall we? line ourselves up?" and caleb stops - stutters backward - and then walks away, heedless of molly's confused, unknowing "caleb? caleb, what's wrong?" and he goes back to the tardis and tells nott they have to go somewhere else. they can't stay in this time and location. they have to leave. caleb can't let molly interact with him again. he can't. he's too dangerous. not after he got molly killed, and nott barely escaping with her life.

so time goes on, and nott helps caleb continue on, and one night as they float through an asteroid belt she quietly says, "it's okay to be sad about him. even though you know he's kind of okay, right now and before and after. everyone dies, caleb." and caleb doesn't say anything, just fiddling with the console.

"did you love him?" nott ventures.

caleb sighs. "nott, i barely knew him. we'd only met twice."

nott shifts uncomfortably where she's perched among the columns. "well, it seems like you probably will, judging by how he was, yknow, looking at you and touching you. hugging you and all that. yeah. and, yknow. you should let yourself have that. because you're going to. or something like that. whatever, time travel is weird."

and caleb weakly chuckles, then sighs, and slumps against the controls, and stands there for a long, long moment. then he says, "we should get some sleep. i'll take you to one of the best vineyards in the six nearest galaxies tomorrow, i promise you."

the next time caleb sees molly isn't for a long time, and caleb despairs that he wasted his last look at molly with running away from him even though he knows that’s not how their timeline works, but it goes to the back of his mind as he continues learning and having adventures and gathering the knowledge and the tools he needs for what he wants to do.

nott leaves, and jester arrives. and then one day they’re in a packed, crowded market square on a trade planet, and jester is calling caleb over to a little stall by a tent and there, sitting at the counter and fanning cards in front of jester’s eager eyes, is molly.

caleb is so relieved to see him, to apologize for how he acted before and to see a dead man walking and to apologize (even though he can’t say why - but he remembers molly commenting you’re always saying sorry to me for things i have no idea about and you always refuse to tell me! it’s kind of cute. a little tic you have.), but molly doesn't recognize him. molly is chattering away with jester, schmoozing, trying to get her to come to fletching and moondrop’s space-travelling carnival of curiosities, and jester is tugging on caleb's arm saying pleeeease please can we go caleb pleeeeeeaaase it sounds soooo fun!

molly winks, glitter drawn in swirls on his face, and caleb notices he doesn't have his coat or all of his tattoos and scars yet, and there’s no spark of recognition in his eyes. "caleb, is it?" molly says, and caleb's breath catches in his throat. "i'm sure at least one part of our collection can put a smile on that handsome face of yours."

blah blah blah it continues on. there’s an adventure, gustav gives molly his vortex manipulator after the carnival gets shut down and molly travels with caleb and jester for a bit while he figures out how to fix it. then he does, and strikes out on his own. and then things weave on from there, and caleb is always afraid that this is the last time in his timeline that he’ll see molly, and he’s tightroping between wanting to savor it and wanting to push him away and wanting to deny that there’s anything there.

hm... i imagine yasha is like. from a planet that is kind of. daleky? caduceus is a cool alien with a fixed-point shop and stuff. angel. i’ll add more to this post if i ever think of anything. yeehaw!

#chirps #robcr #critical role #widomauk

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k-llama-llama · 6 years

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Get It

Stray Kids AU: 10th member

Tori x Stray Kids

During an end of season award show, Tori performs with a group of girl idols, and the boys see Tori in a way that they never have before.

A/N: Someone requested this a while ago and it has been bouncing around in my head...it was too good to ignore! Watch the performance that inspired this HERE

Requests are OPEN : I love hearing all of your requests! They honestly make my day!

Make sure to tell me what you thought?!? I love hearing from all of you!

MASTERLIST

“How are the practices going?” Chan asked as Tori came into the room.

She tossed her bag on the floor and hopped onto the couch next to him. “Good. I’m really excited about it.”

“I can’t believe that you’re going to be performing at an award show!” He exclaimed.

She nodded. “I know! It’s amazing.”

“Hey Tor,” Hyunjin entered the room. “How’s the lady-dancing?”

Tori had been asked to perform a cover performance with a bunch of female idols. JYP had contacted her about it, and she’d never been so excited. It was her, Momo from TWICE, YuQi from (G)I-DLEm, Yeri from Red Velvet and Lisa from Blackpink. Tori didn’t think that she fit in with that group of amazing idols at all, but JYP was confident that she would do well and promote her group while she did it.

“That’s so weird, don’t call it that.” She scolded him as he sat next to her and slung an arm over her shoulder. “And it’s going great. I can’t believe it’s tomorrow.”

“I know...I’m going to cry.” Chan fake wiped a tear.

She swatted him. “I hope you guys are ready for this.”

Cut to the next day, and the boys of Stray Kids were sitting at their table, waiting after an intermission for the next performance. They were pretty sure it was Tori, but they wouldn’t know for sure until she was literally on stage.

“I think I’m going to have a stroke.” Chan fanned himself.

“You and me both.” Hyunjin replied.

Felix tossed a peanut at them. “It’ll be fine. Tori’s amazing, there’s no way that she won’t kill this.”

“Can everyone just be normal?” Minho asked. “They’re going to show us on camera during the performance, and we don’t want to embarrass Tori.”

Felix responded by tossing a peanut at him. “We happen to be mature individuals.”

An announced took the stage. It was Chen and Kai from EXO and they held up their mics as the cameras came back and it was signalled that they were live.

“Today, we are thrilled to present a performance by some of this years most promising female performers.” Chen started.

“Everyone, please give a warm welcome to these wonderful ladies!” Kai finished and the lights came on on the MainStage.

“(G)I-DLE.” A robotic voice announced. Lights came on, highlighting YuQi posing against a red backdrop.

“Twice.” Everyone cheered, including the boys, as Momo was revealed.

“Red Velvet.” Fans were freaking out. There obviously weren’t any fan chants, so it was just incoherent screams of support.

“Blackpink.” Probably the loudest cheer so far, fans were going crazy when they could see Lisa.

“This is it!” Seungmin exclaimed.

“Stray Kids.”

Maybe it was just because they freaked out more than before, but it seemed like the cheers for Tori were deafening. She was standing against a red backdrop, wearing a leather skirt, fishnet leggings, black heels, and a little black crop top. Her head was cocked to the side ever so slightly, and she looked so different from how any of the boys had ever seen her.

“Noona.” Jeongin gasped.

The girls took slow steps forward, taking formation in the middle of the stage. To everyone’s surprise, Tori took centre position. Lisa spoke the first line of the song, and then Tori leapt into the intro vocals.

Most of the boys quickly overcame their shock, cheering and clapping loudly for the cameras that hovered around them. Chan was clapping with a proud smile on his face, watching Tori work that stage like she’d been born to do it.

Hyunjin, however, was standing there, hands still together mid-clap, with his mouth hanging open. He’d never seen Tori like that before. In such a blatantly sexual outfit, and moving with so much confidence. He was absolutely shocked.

And, on the other side of the table, Minho was clapping quietly with a huge grin on his face. He always knew that Tori had it in her, but he watched as she sometimes struggled with the Stray Kids choreography. But this...this was what she was amazing at. She did every step with precision, and she was absolutely glorious.

It seemed like the performance passed in a blur. One second the girls were dancing, absolutely owning the stage, and the next they turned their backs dramatically and the crowds went wild as they marched off the stage.

Tori didn’t see the rest of her group until the award show was over. They hurried backstage, all eager to see her. She got Felix’s text and darted out of the dressing room she was sharing with the other girls, still wearing her stage outfit.

Jeongin was the first one there, giving her a gigantic hug. “You were amazing!”

“It was okay?” She bit her lip nervously. “I wasn’t sure if I was hitting some of the notes quite right.”

Chan swept her up in a hug. “Vocals...perfect. Dancing...perfect. You were so good.”

She thanked them all. “There’s snacks down the hall if you guys want?”

“Yes!” Jisung shouted. “We want.”

“Then go.” She shooed them away.

Minho hovered back for a second. “You were really good today.”

She smiled, nodding thankfully. “Thank you. I had so much fun and I’m glad it went well.”

He nodded. “You were really in your element. Next time we work on a choreography, we’ll try to give you more stuff like that, where you can really dance your own style.”

She jumped excitedly and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you! I’m so excited.”

He chuckled, hugging her back before letting her go. “We’ll work on it. I’m login to get food. You coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be along in a minute.” He walked off, leaving her to turn and look at Hyunjin. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the wall, and he looked nervous.

“Are you okay, Oppa?” She asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He said through gritted teeth.

She crossed her arms. “Then why don’t you sound fine? Did you not like the performance.”

“You were good.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

He swallowed. It didn’t matter how uncomfortable that performance made him, it wasn’t Tori’s fault. He wasn’t sure why he felt so off about it. She’d obviously done amazing, and while he wasn’t used to seeing her do sexy dances, it wasn’t like it had shocked him to the core. It just felt so wrong seeing her up on stage without them. And of course that wasn’t fair to Tori.

He smiled. It was a little forced, but it would have to do. “You did a great job. I’m proud of you.”

She relaxed a little. “Thanks?” She looked down the hall. “Want to go get some food?”

He nodded. “Sure.”

They made their way down the hall, things feeling a little awkward. Of course, it wasn’t anything that they couldn’t work through, but it was so strange. Tori knew that there was something off about how Hyunjin was acting, but she couldn’t figure out why. And he knew that he was being weird and he couldn’t quite explain it, other than that he knew it wasn’t her fault.

When they reached the snack room, the boys cheered again, ushering Tori over to the table and filling her plate with sugary goodness.

“They’re proud of her. They’re happy for her.” Hyunjin thought. “So why aren’t I?”

Tori had promoted the group like a champ. She’d proven herself as an individual.

And it still seemed wrong.

379 notes · View notes

wineanddinosaur · 3 years

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VinePair Podcast: Lift Collective Presents a More Inclusive Hospitality Industry‬

On this episode of the “VinePair Podcast,” Adam Teeter and Zach Geballe are joined by Rania Zayyat, founder of “Lift Collective.” The nonprofit organization seeks to change the wine world through promoting thoughtful discussions, mentorship, and opportunities. The three discuss Lift Collective’s recent 2021 Virtual Conference.

Zayyat explains how inclusivity in the hospitality industry is important in establishing a forward-thinking culture. Examples, she says, include treating hospitality workers with more respect, accessible health care, and the acknowledgement of women in the industry. Tune in to hear the three recap the 2021 Lift Collective Virtual Conference.

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Or Check out the Conversation Here

Adam Teeter: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Zach Geballe: And in Seattle, Wash., I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the “VinePair Podcast.” Zach, next week is April. This is nuts.

Z: We’ve been doing this for a while, and the dilation of time during the pandemic has been real. I’m sure it’s true for you in New York, where you go quickly from being dark all the time to getting lighter and lighter, to Daylight Savings Time. That is a big, weird shift. It’s definitely throwing me off a little bit. The Seattle weather is cooperating, so that’s always nice. We’re doing well here. How are you doing?

A: I’m OK. Just ready for some nice, outdoor, warm-weather hangs, and I’m excited for more people, including myself, to get a shot and move forward. It’s such an interesting time because we’re all thinking, what’s next? There’s still so much happening now. Yeah, I’m really excited to start making Margaritas again.

Z: I can’t believe you stopped.

A: Yeah, I don’t know. I just did. I think I over consumed them in the summer and fall of last year so I took a break. Now, I’m getting back into it. Let’s do this.

Z: Yeah, that’s fair. I haven’t quite hit my spring-summer cocktail groove yet. I’m still drinking Manhattans. That first semi-nice day, I will be all about it. I want to ask you what have you been drinking lately?

A: I actually have been drinking some Margaritas obviously as I said. Besides that, last night, I had a very good beer and now I’m forgetting the name of it, but it’s brewed by Bell’s. It was a session-like version of a juice, citrus-hop- forward IPA. It was absolutely delicious. I almost want to run to my fridge and look at the name of it because I’m embarrassed. It was really, really tasty and I love it. It was 4 percent alcohol. It was nice to have one beer and feel very chill. It also went well with the cheese plate that I put together for dinner because I’m a big fan of a cheese plate once a week for dinner. It’s super easy, so that’s been delicious. Besides that, not a lot, actually.

Z: OK, but we need to have the cheese plate conversation because you brought it up. In your opinion, what is the minimum number of cheeses to call it a cheese plate, and are there any absolutes to have on a cheese plate?

A: The minimum number, I’ve never thought about this before. I’m going to go with three because that’s what I usually have on the plate.

Z: I agree. Three is the bare minimum.

A: I’m not about a grazing board, because that’s all the rage on Instagram where it’s completely full. I like to have some space between the cheese and then usually something super creamy and funky. That’s usually something hard-ish. Anything that can run the gamut. Again, I go by my taste with Naomi’s taste. We like all the same kinds of cheeses, but either a Comté or maybe it’s cheddar or a gouda but something somewhat hard. Then, we move into the blues.

Z: OK, so my blue cheese thing…

A: I know you’re going to say.

Z: Is it butter on blue cheese?

A: You showed me it.

Z: I think that’s right. I have already shared this with you. For our listeners who aren’t familiar, I learned in France that what you get with your cheese plate is you get blue cheese and some butter. It made total sense to me when I tried it, because one of the things about blue cheese that can be really hard for people is that there’s not a lot of remaining fat in blue cheese. The mold consumes a lot of that. You add a little butter to add some richness back in, and it makes a big difference. I’ve converted several blue skeptics with that trick. I’m with you on the cheese board. To me, the only thing that I would say is that I’m a big fan of having one non-cow’s milk cheese at a minimum just for flavor difference.

A: I love a cheese plate, though. It’s a very easy dinner with some really fresh bread. It’s a very delicious thing. It’s no muss, no fuss. I am a big fan of that. But let’s get into today’s discussion.

Z: Let’s do it.

A: Welcome our guest again, Zach.

Z: I will, which is apparently my role on the podcast. But we are super thrilled to be joined again by Rania Zayyat, who is the co-founder of Lift Collective. We’re here mostly to talk about the just-completed Lift Collective Virtual Conference, which both you, Adam, and Rania were participants. Rania, thank you so much for your time.

Rania Zayyat: Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Z: Our pleasure. I want to ask first of all, how did it go?

R: It was better than any of our team could have expected or imagined it to go. Feeling all the feels today and last night, being inspired by the engagement, the attendance, the speakers, the conversations throughout the two days, and conversations that I know and hope will continue to happen within the community post-conference.

A: Very cool. Obviously, I was lucky enough to be able to attend some of the sessions. I thought that the conference as a whole was amazing. It was really cool to watch the conferences. This was obviously virtual, which it had never been before, but I thought it was really cool seeing all of the conversations happening in the chat, which made it even more powerful in a lot of ways. To see how the speakers or panels brought up to the fore issues. Then, watching people react to those issues and share their own experiences. That was really amazing because I know that often happens at conferences, right? There’s a speaker and then people go out of the lecture hall and have their side conversations. To see that happening in real-time, I think was pretty amazing. What have you heard? It hasn’t been 24 hours since the close of the conference but from people who have attended, were there some conversations that were really memorable to you that people were having? Or reactions?

R: To your point about the conversations in the chat, that to me was one of the greatest parts of this event because we never had the intention or idea to do a virtual conference, simply for the fact that we felt it wouldn’t be as engaging. On the contrary, people being able to have those chats while these conversations were happening just would not have been possible at an in-person event because everyone’s silent and we’re listening to the message. To have that going on and to feel the energy that was happening through the chat and the connections and watching people provide resources that dove a little bit deeper, that was so inspiring. I was so pleased with having so many people there who have not felt they’ve had a voice or a safe space in our industry due to all of the issues that we were discussing throughout the conference. People finally felt that here is an event, here is a community where they felt seen, valued, respected, and safe in these conversations. That’s all that we really wanted to do with this event. I’m so grateful that people spoke up about that.

Z: Absolutely. I know that sense of being heard and seen is hugely important. I know that there’s going to be a longer answer here than we could possibly fit on the podcast. As far as takeaways and actionable items coming out of this, are there a few things that came out of either the panel discussions or those side conversations that our listeners can take forward and say, here are things that we can be doing in a concrete sense moving forward. In addition to just making space and listening.

R: I think one of the biggest messages and takeaways is “action.” I think that we have been in a place, especially in the last year in 2020, where it was all about, “OK, we’re going to listen. We’re going to learn. We’re going to read. We’re going to try and figure out how to better understand and be better allies.” Now, the conversation is shifting over to “it’s not enough to just be an ally. We have to be an accomplice.” That was something that came out of the de-colonize wine panel with Jirka, Jahde, and Eti about what we are actually doing? When are we standing up? When we are witness to harm and abuse that’s happening in real time, in a space that we’re in, we can’t sit back and be silent anymore. We can’t provide the excuse that we didn’t have the verbiage or know what to say. If we actually want to show up and continue to do this work, we have to take action. We have to speak up. We have to say something. To me, that is the biggest takeaway of all of this is “yes, it’s a learning opportunity, but are we asking the right questions? Are we putting ourselves in, quote-unquote, uncomfortable situations? Are we getting comfortable with that discomfort? How are we using the unique privilege that we have, which is different for everybody. but how are we using that to stand up for people who don’t necessarily have that same privilege and who experience trauma and harm on a daily basis?”

A: In some of the sessions, I think there was a mixed take on how Covid has impacted people showing up and paying attention to some of the speakers on the panel I was on. It felt as if Covid has made us all pay attention more because we’ve had more time. Then, reactions on other panels I listened to, people paid less attention because they’ve been more focused on what’s happening in their day-to-day life and surviving. However, now that we seem to be coming out of Covid, what do you think is the biggest thing people should be thinking about as they are either going back to work in the industry or going to take part in dining at restaurants where people in the industry work; shopping in wine shops that are more in-person interactions. What are some lessons and rules that we should be taking with us as we go and do that?

R: That’s a big question. I think it’s important that we understand what we don’t understand. Being able to know that we don’t necessarily have all the answers about how we can show up for people but needing to ask those questions. “What do you need?” Dr. Hoby Wedler, one of our speakers this year, is a blind wine professional. He’s mentioned this several times, that we don’t always know how to cater to the needs of others but we can’t make the assumptions of maybe if I do this, then that will be helpful. We just have to say, “Hey, what do you need? How can I best support you.” And being able to just educate ourselves through really intelligent questions is a great way to do that.

Z: I know that the conference obviously focuses on lots of different dimensions of the beverage alcohol industry. We are in this period of time now as the Covid pandemic is not over, but places are starting to reopen fully. People are getting vaccinated. We’re in this period where I think for a lot of people in the hospitality industry, they’re either looking at potentially going back to work for the first time in a year, people who are employers are perhaps hiring. Employment is not the only place where these issues are important, but it’s a huge area where it is a big point of impact, where being conscious of these issues is so important. I’m wondering, was there something to be said about this idea that we’ve had this industry-wide pause, reset? Are there ways to come out of this Covid-related period and make substantive change in the hospitality industry?

R: Yeah, I definitely think this is such a great time because we’ve had such a pause, a long pause. I won’t get into all of the issues with the hospitality industry and protecting workers. There’s a whole set of issues that have needed to be addressed for a while with that. However, this is such a great time to actually start implementing those changes slowly as we’re starting to reopen and set new precedent for what those structures of positions will look like. How can we better protect our employees? Shifting the dynamics of restaurant culture. I think it’s really important to acknowledge that with this event, we put on a code of conduct at the suggestion of Jirka Jireh on our de-colonize wine panel, to say that we have a zero-tolerance policy for these types of violence and discrimination and really setting the tone for creating safe space. This is something that I’ve mentioned before, but zero-tolerance policies are something that we as an industry have not fully adopted yet, particularly at a restaurant because you are engaging with so many different people. Often, there can be this sense of entitlement for guests to come in and either bring their own problems into their dining experience projecting those onto their servers, or feeling like they should get everything that they ask for, even if that’s not what the restaurant typically provides. Then, being able to go out and make public complaints or give a restaurant a low rating, which can really affect the jobs, income, and livelihood of restaurant employees. I think it’s really important that as restaurant owners and managers, that we are setting up systems to protect our employees and to say “the customer is not always right.” We need to say “if there is an issue with the guests, how are we showing up for our employees?” Also, something that Ashtin touched on during her keynote, was that we can only dismantle what we can name, but we often only name things that can be proven through physical proof. If somebody has been violently or physically harmed, we can start to dismantle that, because there’s proof. Other types of harm that occur could be more nuanced or more subtle; we often don’t have the understanding or the verbiage to really start to dissect those behaviors and protect people to show up for them and dismantle those things. I think that’s such an important part of what we can start doing. If you have an employee that comes up to you and says, “This guest made me feel really uncomfortable,” how are we validating those concerns? How are we protecting the people that are showing up and making our restaurant operate on a day-to-day basis? Hopefully, that is something that I would really love to see the hospitality industry start to prioritize as we reopen.

A: I think what you’re saying is really important. I also wonder if it’s as much about all of us — VinePair being important because we’re a media platform — educating the guest as well where this culture of the “customer is always right” is no more. If that’s what you expect as being high-quality service, you’re wrong. High-quality services, meaning that you’re getting a great experience, but you’re also just as respectful to the people who are serving you as they are to you. I believe there’s so much media out there that reinforces that idea. As much as an industry talks about how we need to show up for the people working there, that’s great, but if we’re not also changing the behavior of the guests, then it’s just going to be this one-sided thing. We’re going to continue to show up for the people and say this isn’t OK, but the guest still thinks, “screw you, I’m not going to leave a tip. I’m not going to support a fair wage and I’m going to go leave a bad Yelp review.” Was there any conversation about that? How restaurants can better explain to their guests what’s expected of them? Is it potentially notes on a menu? I hate to say there should be a code of guidelines, but it was pretty amazing in the early aughts, if you will, when the craft cocktail bars were putting out rules. They would say to the guests that you will not approach another table. You will not speak at this level of volume. You will speak to the bartender in a respectful manner. At that point, they were combating against the culture that they were creating bars against, which is the loud, party-bar culture. We should just do that moving forward for everyone. Let guests know when you show up that this is what’s expected of you. Is that something that anyone chatted about, and what’s your reaction to that?

R: I don’t recall that specific conversation coming up in the chat. It might have when I wasn’t fully engaged. I will say that I think that is such an important way to move forward. I live in Austin, and there are a group of restaurants here that are part of an organization that is really working to create long-term change for restaurant culture and hospitality culture. They are providing things such as mental health services to their employees. Those early adopters of these policies are often the ones that can take the biggest financial hit because oftentimes they’re standing alone. If somebody doesn’t like something or the way that they’re being told this behavior is not OK, then it’s easy for a guest to just say, “OK, I’m not going to go back to that place, but I’m going to go somewhere else that can cater to the needs and the demands that I have.” I think it’s important that more of us are getting on this train and are supporting each other through that. I think that it is going to take collective action for these changes to start resonating with guests and diners across the country. We can certainly start small. There are obviously a lot of restaurant groups that are starting to remove tipping culture. We’ve seen that in New York and restaurants here in Austin and I’m sure many other cities. But it’s about providing fair wages. It’s about providing mental health services. It’s about actually naming the actions that we don’t want to accept and don’t want our workers to be subjected to. I think it’s really important that, even if we start small, even if it’s some small thing that we put on our menu saying that we don’t accept this type of treatment or behavior or words, we’re still starting somewhere. The best time to do that is to start today.

Z: Rania, you mentioned a piece of it, and Adam you did, too, that I think is really important. I know you mentioned there wasn’t a ton of conversation specifically about this idea of codes of conduct or ways to inform guests of what is and isn’t allowed. You mentioned, Rania, the central importance of tipping and tip culture to this toxic potential environment, where, because the front-of-house workers in most places, their wages are so tied to tips; tips are at the discretion of the customer and the customer expectations are that they will be indulged in a variety of ways, many of which are, as it turns out, harmful to the service staff. I know when we spoke beforehand that one of the things about having the virtual conference is it allowed for more international participation. Obviously, there are lots of other countries that have strong cultures without tipping or much tipping. Is that something that’s been discussed, or does getting rid of tipping or greatly minimizing its importance disarm some of that power imbalance that we find in restaurants and bars?

R: Yeah, I definitely think that is exactly what it comes down to. It is this power imbalance of who has the power and who feels they can dictate what someone gets to take home at the end of the day or at the end of the week, simply because something wasn’t in line with their expectations. I don’t necessarily think that it’s fully possible to remove tipping in general. Unfortunately, the structure of the restaurant and hospitality industry, I don’t think that we’re prepared to put that burden on restaurants being able to fully compensate all of their staff, because unfortunately, it really is a structural issue with restaurants and the pricing of food. Unfortunately, if we were to build that price into the food, for instance, so that there is maybe more distribution of wages being split between back and front of the house, people would find restaurants to be too expensive. That would ultimately lead to the demise of restaurants in general. I think there are ways around that where you can have automatic gratuity added to that check as a line item. I’ve seen in the Bay Area that there is a 3 percent charge on the tab that supports healthcare for restaurant workers. It’s those types of things that if we get used to seeing them and knowing that is going to be on the bill when we go out to eat, it’s going to really help people understand that this is something that is expected. If you feel you can afford to go out to eat at a restaurant, that means you can afford to pay 20 percent gratuity to the staff.

A: One of the things that Ashtin talked about towards the end of her talk was looking to other industries for examples and what they’ve done. For people who didn’t hear what she had to say, what industries should we be looking to? Obviously, no one’s doing it perfectly, but here are some things that they’ve done. Here are ways that we can borrow what they’ve done and make it better. I know that she was really talking about the bar industry compared to the wine industry, and also looking towards the coffee industry. Are there other places for us to point to that work and we need to adopt it in the world of wine and then in the world of sort of hospitality as a whole?

R: Certainly. She did mention specifically the cocktail industry and coffee. While those are definitely two industries that I’m unfamiliar with, I think that as consumers of those products and even the chocolate industry — I’ll throw that out there as well — I don’t know about anybody else, but when I’m going out and buying coffee or chocolate, I often look for things like Fair Trade Certified or these transparent organizations and initiatives that I know when I’m buying this bar of chocolate or whatever it is, that the people who are harvesting these products are hopefully being fairly compensated and are not in abusive or exploitative environments. They are being treated humanely. There’s been a lot of conversation in recent years and brewing under the surface of exploitation of migrant laborers, vineyard workers, and the unsustainability of harvest in general. Also, a shortage of laborers. I think that there are a lot of people trying to do good things that are starting small, but being able to look at the models those industries had in place for many years and building upon that. I would certainly love to see more collaboration on how we can make those changes a little bit faster and more impactful from the beginning, rather than starting off super small.

Z: Part of the issue with wine, in particular, is that when it comes to this idea of morally or ethically oriented purchasing, people are more fixated on organic agricultural practices and may not be as attuned to the idea that these are also products that do require a lot of labor? I think there’s sometimes a misconception in general with wine, that the wine makes itself. It doesn’t really get talked about as an agricultural product. Is that part of the issue here?

R: Yeah, definitely. This is a storytelling industry, right? There’s so much power in how we tell these stories. Often, we’re starting the story halfway through the process. We start it with harvest. We started with the winemaking process with the winemaker and what’s happening in the winery. We completely leave out all of the work that happens throughout the year to sustain this vine and to grow these grapes. Even after the wine is made, the distribution of that wine and how we’re shipping these things, who is doing that work. We’re leaving out so many fundamental parts of the story. As we begin to shift that narrative and take those conversations into the dining room, when we’re selling wine to guests or even putting them out there on our e-commerce platforms, there’s so much power in shifting the way that we talk about the whole product.

A: It makes a lot of sense. Obviously, there were so many conversations and presentations that happened during the conference. Were there any others for you that really stood out that people who were not able to attend should be aware of?

R: There are so many great things to take away. I think some of my key highlights, aside from what I mentioned earlier about taking action, is during our Shifting Women and Wine Culture panel moderated by Elaine Chukan Brown, we talked about this idea of “womanism” and giving credit to those who actually started these movements. When we look back at the suffragist movement, which was actually started in the 1800s by Black women who unfortunately did not get the right to vote until the 1960s. From there, when gay rights started in the ‘60s and ‘70s, that was actually a movement that was started by the Black trans community. The trans community is still so far behind in receiving the rights, dignity, and humanity that they deserve. Yet, they have carried so much of the burden in starting these movements, but unfortunately are not benefiting from their labor. I think that was a really important topic. Shifting over to the entrepreneurship panel and making space for self-made, moderated by Regine Rousseau. Understanding that there are a lot of barriers to entry for getting funding and understanding how to create a business plan, how to market, and how to use social media to your advantage as a business owner. Once you can figure those things out, utilizing some of the resources that were provided. The power that comes out of being a business owner, being able to advocate for yourself, but also advocate for others. Because you get to start something new, you get to build something from the ground up. You really have full control of saying this is what I’m going to adhere to as a business owner, and this is what I’m not going to adhere to. Being able to create those changes business by business is really important.

Z: Rania, I have one last question for you. This is for people who either were not able to attend or were able to attend some of the sessions: Are there ways to get to view the recordings, to engage with the content, even if they couldn’t be there live in real time?

R: Yeah, I’m so grateful that we were able to record all of the panels. Those will be available to everyone that registered for the conference in having access to those videos. Thankfully, somebody on our team brilliantly collected all the links that were shared throughout the chat that day about other resources and cool initiatives. We’ll be sharing and distributing that information, and will most likely have the conference panels available for viewing to people that weren’t able to register this time to view a little bit later down the road. I do want to throw out one more thing. We were talking about entrepreneurship, how money is power, and being more comfortable with conversations about money. I was so proud that, we were not able to do this in our first year, but we were able to actually pay all of our speakers and moderators this year for the conference. I think that’s a really important thing to mention because as a nonprofit, it is often very hard to gain the funds needed to be able to host an event like this that really greatly impacts the community. Everyone that participated in this conference put in so much time, labor, and preparation to really bring these conversations to life. I’m just really grateful and hopeful that we can continue to do that. Hopefully, other organizations will be able to recognize the importance of actually paying people for this work, because even though it is for a good cause, it’s something so many of us do every single day. It is work, time, emotional labor, and a lot of energy goes into it. There are so many moving parts behind the scenes of running a nonprofit, and a platform that’s been really helpful to us is Melio, because we’ve been able to automate scheduling and receiving all of our payments through our sponsors and speakers that we’re paying without actually having to write and mail physical checks. Yeah, I want to shout out to them. Thank you, Melio for simplifying that process.

A: You actually led me up to my final question. I’m sure you’re already thinking about the conference for next year, but what else is on the horizon for Lift Collective? What are your plans in the next year, and how can people support you?

R: Thank you. There’s a lot that we want to do. I think that one of the things, just based on the conference, is we would really like to formulate some sort of ongoing tool or resource on our website where people can continue to share resources. If that’s related to mental health for industry workers, if that’s for ways to get funding for starting your own business, just mental health support, all those things, we want to be able to build something on our website. We also want to have these conversations more than once a year. We are trying to work out some sort of way that we can continue to host webinars or host these conversations. I think a lot of the topics that we cover could really take up so much more time than we were able to give within that platform. So just being able to really dive deeper into these topics, understand them better, and continue to educate industry workers and consumers about the issues that we’re facing and the adaptability of how we can actually take action.

A: And you’ve got to answer me again. How do they support you?

R: Yes, 501(c)(3) nonprofit. So we do accept donations, which is very, very helpful for us to continue to do these types of programs. Through our website, they can go onto liftcollective.org and click “donate.” They can also support some of the other inspiring initiatives that we have listed on our website. Follow us, engage in the conversations that we’re having, purchase tickets to the conference in the future or any other programs that we’re hosting.

A: Amazing. Rania, thank you so much for your time, for everything that you do for this industry, for the creation of Lift Collective. And to all of your partners, associates, everyone that helped put this conference on and helps this organization exist, we really, really appreciate it. Please keep doing what you’re doing.

R: Thank you so much for hosting me and also for being a big supporter of our organization.

Thanks so much for listening to the “VinePair Podcast.” If you love this show as much as we love making it, then please leave us a rating or review on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever it is you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show.

Now for the credits, VinePair is produced and recorded in New York City and Seattle, Wash., by myself and Zach Geballe, who does all the editing and loves to get the credit. Also, I would love to give a special shoutout to my VinePair co-founder, Josh Malin, for helping make all this possible, and also to Keith Beavers, VinePair’s tasting director, who is additionally a producer on the show. I also want to, of course, thank every other member of the VinePair team who is instrumental in all of the ideas that go into making the show every week. Thanks so much for listening, and we’ll see you again.

The article VinePair Podcast: Lift Collective Presents a More Inclusive Hospitality Industry‬ appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/lift-collective-recap-podcast/

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johnboothus · 3 years

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VinePair Podcast: Lift Collective Presents a More Inclusive Hospitality Industry

Listen Online

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Or Check out the Conversation Here

Adam Teeter: From Brooklyn, New York, I’m Adam Teeter.

Zach Geballe: And in Seattle, Wash., I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the “VinePair Podcast.” Zach, next week is April. This is nuts.

Z: I can’t believe you stopped.

A: Yeah, I don’t know. I just did. I think I over consumed them in the summer and fall of last year so I took a break. Now, I’m getting back into it. Let’s do this.

A: The minimum number, I’ve never thought about this before. I’m going to go with three because that’s what I usually have on the plate.

Z: I agree. Three is the bare minimum.

Z: OK, so my blue cheese thing…

A: I know you’re going to say.

Z: Is it butter on blue cheese?

A: You showed me it.

Z: Let’s do it.

A: Welcome our guest again, Zach.

Rania Zayyat: Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Z: Our pleasure. I want to ask first of all, how did it go?

A: And you’ve got to answer me again. How do they support you?

R: Thank you so much for hosting me and also for being a big supporter of our organization.

The article VinePair Podcast: Lift Collective Presents a More Inclusive Hospitality Industry‬ appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/lift-collective-recap-podcast/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/vinepair-podcast-lift-collective-presents-a-more-inclusive-hospitality-industry

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