#and no amount of correcting by me or anyone else has changed that

[coconutredbulllover]

little rant type shit about azzi and paiges current and kinda future media presences

i think azzis reposts are like her way of letting people know shes gonan be okay without having to be actually present and ibteractive on socials. she was literallt just comibg back from her drought/break/pause (wtvr u wanna call it) and likely wont post for a while because dawg camp and the draft content was like the most we’ve had from azzi in so long. i think shes probably doing alright considering the amount of support shes surrounded by and honestly she didnt really seem like in any hurry to suddenly become active like an instant unpause after not beibg active for so long, like i dont rlly think her being “on a break” was all that deep she was probably convinced to post but didnt really seriously care to upkeep not postibg in the first place so itd be practically no change in her lifestyle to go back to not posting i dont think she was like resisting the urge to post or anything. specifically now post-situation it might not be “i dont psot often but i sometines do wheneveb i feel like it” instead she might purposely stay away and actually jsut take time away from media focus for a little and we’ll get like a crumb once and a while.

and i think paige being active rn is a mix of moving on from the incident and also the fact that the season is over and shes back on media and does like beibg on it like for example on lives and stuff. i feel like shes trying to show that shes moving past it as well as not letting it effect or stop doing what she enjoys. i also think that if paige had gone media silent after what happened it mightve brought even more attention to it with people speculating the effects it had or twitter running wild as it always does. i think her vague-ish thanking for support tweet near when it happened was good because it further fueled people who had been covering the timeline and helped speed up efforts to get tweets taken down but didnt actively add crap tons of spotlight on it. plus her normally posting and tweeting helps spread around what people are focusing on when she appears or if shes mentioned and it js moves the crowd on. we also know shes been described as/has said about herself that shes the type to put on a strong front in stressing times so even if shes beibg active on media and seemingly doing alright she could be doing it for all the reasons i just mentioned about moving the public on (like damage control/reputation padding) and still be literallt depressed behind the scenes and js doing it bc she feels she has to. either way we have no way of knowing whats actually happening and we will probably never know, i can only guess abd assume just as much as everyone else, i could be insanely far off or completely spot on, even if it doesnt match how any of us assume or imagine her acting just remember that we literally do not know any of these people!

i hope things settle and we can see them together again i dont think the situation would have effected their relationship with eachother theyre like ride or die and its not like its their fault it happened. obviously no one wouldvt wanted it to happen but i like to think that behibd the scenes theyre supporting eachother or they could be givibg eachother space but all n all i dont see this being the reason they suddenly drop eachother and i have ful lconfidence theyll come out the other end still side by side.

if anyone has any thoughts or responses feel free to add on or share or if i left smth out or got smth wrong feel free to correct me bc its literallt 6:30 am rn and im suppsoed to be awake in less than 2 hours 🤣🥲

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #azzi fudd #pazzi #rant #my eyes burn #im tired and not at the same time

[ahurumustdie]

it sucks how sometimes you lose people when you come out, whether you mean to or not

#i just realised how often i avoid being around my uncle bc i always leave every interaction feeling emotionally bruised #he's not a mean person or a bad man but. he still hasn't seemed to fully grasp the fact that i am not a girl #and no amount of correcting by me or anyone else has changed that #and its very hard to love someone who hurts you so easily when theyre not even actively /trying/ to hurt you #i used to see their house as a second home #id ride my bike over there and just hang out by myself until someone got home #id watch footy with him even if i didnt understand it bc i enjoyed spending time with him #now i go out of my way to avoid interacting with him at all #transgender #transmasc #stevie speaks

[kaijuposting]

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

#moral ocd #mental health #mental illness #ableism #scrupulosity #scrupulosity ocd #abuse #emotional abuse #communication

[fuckyeahisawthat]

I think Crowley falls into two of the classic pitfalls of people who see that the problems are systemic long before anyone else around them does: impatience and despair.

(Yes yes I know, “Crowley was an optimist.” Book Crowley is an optimist. I don’t think that line is particularly useful for analyzing TV Crowley. Stay with me here.)

Let it be said that 95% of the time, Crowley has the patience of a fucking saint (ssh don’t tell him) around Aziraphale. He knows that Aziraphale needs to build his little plausible deniability rationales in order to do something that they both know he wants to do (because it’s right or simply because he would enjoy it) but Heaven wouldn’t approve of. And most of the time, Crowley is happy to help Aziraphale get there, asking the questions Aziraphale is afraid to ask, offering excuses and justifications until Aziraphale finds one he can accept. He does a lot of work of parsing out when “no” means “you haven’t convinced me yet, keep trying” and pushing through all the “I’m an angel, you’re a demon, we’re on opposite sides and mine is the good one” talk that Aziraphale gets up to all the way through s1. Because he knows that Aziraphale doesn’t really believe that stuff, right? He just needs some time to talk himself around his own cognitive dissonance, and most of the time Crowley is not only happy to facilitate that but sees it as part of his role in their relationship.

But then when the chips are down and Aziraphale is still dithering, that’s when he gets frustrated, because HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE what’s been blindingly obvious to Crowley for millennia, that Heaven is just as cruel as Hell and no one is going to step in and fix it because the system is working as intended. And that’s when he says things like “how can someone as clever as you be so stupid?” Which is a surefire way not to convince the person you’re arguing with of anything.

And then there’s the despair. I really think the running away thing is not about cowardice or selfishness or some kind of unhealthy level of avoidance of hard or scary things, but about hopelessness. They’ve spent their lives avoiding very very real danger, and of the two of them Crowley is much more constantly aware of the danger that they are in from both sides. Yes he’s hypervigilant but he is also almost always right about the amount of danger they are in. Trying to get as far away from danger as possible is not an irrational response, even if it’s not always the correct one for a given situation.

When you feel like you’re the only person who sees how rotten the system is, how it needs to be dismantled entirely, but you are also VERY aware of how strong the people in power are and how ruthless they are about crushing dissent because you experienced it personally…well that gets fucking depressing after a while. Because even if you think the whole system needs to go, that feels like a completely unattainable goal when it seems like no one else even sees the problem, or if they see it, they are too afraid to do anything about it. And can you blame them? You know exactly what happens to people who speak up.

So it’s very easy for your goals to shrink from systemic change to just taking yourself and the people you love and finding somewhere for them to be as safe as possible, for as long as the system will let you exist. Because reforming the system is a fool’s errand, and dismantling it entirely seems impossible. I think this is where Crowley is at. Even if on some level he knows it’s an imperfect solution, because both of them have enough compassion that they would feel guilty abandoning Earth and humans to save themselves, and because Heaven and Hell really can find them anywhere in the universe. He just doesn’t see another option.

And look, I think Aziraphale is 100% wrong that Heaven can be reformed. But he is not wrong to want to stay and fight to make things better, even if it means sacrificing the Earthly comforts he loves so much, and even if it means doing it without Crowley by his side.

Ultimately they both need each other. Aziraphale needs Crowley for his willingness to ask questions and to see the scale of the problem, even if it’s terrifying. But Crowley needs Aziraphale for his hope, his stubborn determination to believe things can and should be better, and to fight for that. In the right hands, hope is an enormously powerful weapon.

#good omens #good omens s2 #crowley #my good omens meta

[sugarnspice630]

Dark Room - Wooyoung

"Working these late shifts with you has only made that urge grow, and I can’t contain my thoughts about you anymore."

•pairing: photographer!wooyoung x fem!photographer!reader

•word count: 1.9k

•tags: mdni, nonidol, dark room sex, wooyoung and reader are photographers, sensory deprivation(?), praise, fingering, wooyoung and reader have secretly liked each other for a long time, dirty talk, slight choking, ...did I miss anything?

Summary: Wooyoung and you work late shift at a photography studio and things gets a little risque in the dark room.

A/N: Inspired by my job honestly. Had this fantasy while working late one day and thought..mm yes Wooyoung would do this. I would like to preface that the dark room where I work is NOT the traditional, red lit, dark room. It's literally pitch black when you shut the door. Please be sure to drop a like, reblog if you enjoyed it, and comment your favorite part! Happy reading!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆───

“Ah shit,” You curse out as you see the message on one of the printer computers. “Wooyoung, can you grab a Color Developer chemical for me? I need to change paper real quick, and my hands are kinda full!” Softly shouting from across the studio in hopes he could hear you from his desk.

“Yeah, I got it Y/N!” 

“Awesome! Thank you!”

Both you and Wooyoung have been working the late shift at your photography job for a couple weeks now. You’ve been behind on processing orders because you were understaffed or everyone else had kids to take care of and had to be home by a certain time. This year has been crazy for school and sports pictures; taking on more schools and leagues, needing to train the new hires that only stay about a month and then leave, managing two printers that constantly need either paper changed or chemicals added to the bins, or the printer deciding to eat the photographs, causing you to have to reprint them—it was hell. You and Wooyoung however, were the perfect combination to take on night shifts! Naturally being night owls, not having kids to take care of, and working well together, you got more done than anyone else in the office could from their 7-3 shift. Hell, for the amount of work you do, you should be getting a raise or double pay, but alas, your boss doesn’t think that way. 

Taking the empty paper cartridge back to the dark room, you snuck back out and browsed the shelf for the correct roll of paper, grabbing it before you turned around. You snuck a glance at Wooyoung grabbing the chemical off the shelf just down the hall. You shot him a quick smile before going into the room. Setting the paper down on the ground and moving the chair close to the wall so you could get a feel of your surroundings before entering complete darkness. The seal on the door wasn’t the best, so slamming it was the only way to ensure no light would get into the room. You flipped the lightswitch off and sat down in the chair.

While opening the paper case, you couldn’t help but think of the way Wooyoung’s long, black hair framed his face perfectly, when his bangs would occasionally get in his eyes, and the way he would tossle his head to move the pieces out of his way. Sometimes, when it was hot outside on a sports shoot, he would tie it up into a cute ponytail with such ease. The way he interacted with kids while on shoots, seeing his childlike nature come out and the kids getting along with him, was great. It absolutely melted your heart to see him so good with the kids. Always getting the best smiles out of them and staying on schedule while making the kids feel comfortable. On the opposite side of the spectrum, he really knew how to run the show. The way his voice commanded all the other employees on the job, telling them exactly what to do and making sure they were doing everything correctly. He hated to see people getting yelled at for taking “bad” photographs, but really it’s just the head photographer having a stick up his ass and being hard on everyone else while he does the same level of work, so he just wanted to make sure he appeased everyone. 

Being in your own head, thinking about Wooyoung while changing the paper, you hear three knocks on the door.

“Helloooo? Y/N? You alright in there? Did you get swallowed by the dark abyss?” Wooyoung’s voice rang out from the other side.

“Shit.” You mutter to yourself. “N-No Wooyoung, I’m fine and perfectly alive! I just uh..had trouble closing the…lid.” You faked slamming the “lid” shut to make your statement seem believable.

“Oh gotcha, yeah, that thing is a bitch sometimes. Well, could you hurry up? I haven’t been able to finish the chemical cause I have to grab water and well uh…you’re in the room with the sink.”

“Oh right! Sorry!” You scrambled to clean the area up, almost forgetting there is a giant box in front of you and hitting your foot against the top of it, causing you to almost fall forward onto the door handle, but you caught your balance just in time. You pick up the cartridge and set it on the chair you were just sitting in to make room to open the door. You grabbed the handle, slowly turned it, and pulled the door towards you, hoping not to scare Wooyoung. You peaked your head around the side of the door and smiled.

“She’s all your’s~!” You stepped into the light and looked at Wooyoung to see his hands were empty and not carrying the water jugs. Your eyebrows contorted. “Uh.. your hands are empt-.” Your words were cut off by Wooyoung pushing you back into the room, grabbing the door from your hands, and slamming it behind him. The darkness of the room settled in, and you felt uneasy, not knowing where Wooyoung was. “W-Woo?”

“I’m right here~.” He said lowly and you felt his breath against the side of your neck. His hands softly trailing down your side and stopping right above your waist.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You protested and tried to squirm your way out of his grasp. His grasp on you only tightened as he had no intention of letting you go.

“Y/N I can’t help myself. Ever since the first time I saw you, I’ve had the biggest crush on you. Working these late shifts with you has only made that urge grow, and I can’t contain my thoughts about you anymore.” You felt your cheeks get hot and your thighs clench together. Did he really think about you this way?

“W-Wooyoung..” Your voice trailed off, not knowing how to feel about his confession.

“I think about you every night before I go to bed. Perhaps in ways that I…shouldn’t, but you’re just so beautiful.” Wooyoung brushes the stray hairs off your face and tucks them behind your ear. His breath feels warm against you and sends chills down your spine. You feel Wooyoung lean closer to you and his lips are right against your ear. “I touch myself to the thought of you. My name coming out of those precious lips of yours. I want you so bad Y/N. Please.” 

“Fuck.” You mutter softly. His hands playfully sliding up and down your waist. You couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of Wooyoung thinking about you this way. 

“If I may have your permission, Y/N.” You softly nodded your head, allowing him to touch you in whatever way he wanted to. “I can’t see you love; I need you to use your words for me.”

“Y-yes Wooyoung…please.” You beg, and not a moment later, Wooyoung is kissing down your neck, occasionally nipping at your skin, causing you to groan. You tilt your head back so it is resting on his right shoulder. The feeling of his lips against your neck is intoxicating and you couldn’t get enough. He continues to kiss and suck at your neck, making sure to mark you up nice and pretty. A few kisses later, he grabs your hips, giving you a heads-up.

“Turn around baby.” His hands allow you to spin in place, not leaving your side and once you are fully turned around, he places them back onto your hips and you feel him lean into you again. Your lips search for his through the darkness, bumping into his cheek accidentally, and you let out a soft giggle. Soon your lips meet and you are passionately making out in the dark. His hands continue to feel up and down your body, one hand snaking its way to your ass and he grips it harshly. A soft moan leaves your mouth into the kiss. You feel Wooyoung’s lips form a smirk and he continues to grip onto your ass.

“You like that, huh?”

“Fuck, y-yes I do~.” You pant out, slightly out of breath. Wooyoung’s other hand, not playing with your ass, begins to toy its way down your waistband and slips through down to your underwear. His fingers tease the wet patch in your underwear that has been forming since he slammed the door, causing you to moan and tilt your head back against the door.

“So wet for me already babygirl~. You’ve wanted this to happen for a while, haven’t you?” You can only moan in response, his fingers pressing into you and you hear Wooyoung groan softly, his hips rutting against your thigh as he fingers you. “Making me so…fuck…fucking hard.” 

“Woo..p-please stop teasing m-me. I need you.”

“As you wish~.” He wastes no time pushing your underwear to the side and slipping his fingers inside you.

“Fuck!” You cry out. His fingers stretching you more than your own or any toy ever has. You bite your lip and grind against his hand.

“H-Holy shit you do need me.” He chuckles at your body reacting this way to him. You’re absolutely driving him insane. “Wish I could see that pretty face of yours. Watch your face as I fuck you nice and good with my fingers.”

“W-Wooyoung~.” The dirty talk was getting you to your climax faster than you thought. His voice ringing through your ear like a melody you wanted to listen to on repeat forever.

“Fuck Y/N, you’re taking them so well.” You can’t see his face, but the way that sentence came out sounded like he was gritting his teeth together. You could feel your head spinning and you knew you were close to your release.

“Wooyoung, I-.” Your words are cut off by a moan slipping from your throat. “I need your hand on my neck.”

“Ho hoh~ kinky are we~? I always knew you were a whore.” Wooyoung quickly takes the hand that was playing with your ass and grabs your neck—not too hard, applying just enough pressure that you were seeing static.

“Y-Yes! Just like that.” You manage to choke out and feel the knot forming in your stomach. Your pussy clenches around Wooyoung’s fingers.

“Want you to cum on my fingers princess. I know you can do it.” Wooyoung’s demanding encouragement was all you needed to hear for the knot in your stomach to release. Wooyoung’s grip on your neck lessens, and a string of curses mixed with his name come out of your mouth. "Fuck, you sound so beautiful. Exactly how I pictured it.” Wooyoung pulls his hand out of your pants and kisses your lips gently.

“W-Wooyoung~.” Your voice is no louder than a whisper.

“Sshhh sh sh darling, I know~. Take your time recovering.” Wooyoung caresses the side of your face and wraps his other hand around your waist. He gently moves you out of the way and opens the door slowly, letting the light from the hallway come in, and you squint your eyes from being in the dark for so long. Wooyoung turns around and looks at you. "Fuck, you’re gorgeous even after your insides get rearranged by my hand.” You softly chuckle at his remark and lift your hand to swat at his shoulder.

“Not my fault; you know your way around~.”

“Guess working these late shifts together helped me get to know you better~.” A soft smile forms on his face. You feel yourself blush, and you shy away from looking at him. “Come on. Let’s get back to business.” He offers his hand for you to grab and you gladly take it. He walks you out of the room and down the hallway into the main area of the building.

“So…you working tomorrow~?” You ask playfully.

“I most definitely will be if you’re here.”

“Always.”

#wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung x reader #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #wooyoung imagines #wooyoung smut #ateez smut #kpop writers #ateez #ateez fic #ateez imagine #kpop #wooyoung fic #jung wooyoung fic #wooyoung x y/n #wooyoung #jung wooyoung #smut #ateez wooyoung #kpop fanfic

[stormy-river]

Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 7

As I finished this, I discovered it's been exactly one year since I posted the last Transcript. A lot has happened in that year; I've graduated college :) . I want to thank everyone for the support I've received, and I hope to get back into some of my creative projects and give you guys an opportunity to laugh, and maybe learn something. This one is inspired by a request from @a-romantic-twst from forever ago; I hope it was worth the wait (sorry about that). (It's about periods if anyone's uncomfortable with that and wants to skip this one.)

------

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller: "Hello, Mindy, I am very concerned about one of the humans on my ship."

O: "What seems to be the problem?"

C: "Well, I'm the chief medical officer and this particular human has been on the ship for just over two Earth months now. On two separate occasions during that time, she has requested strong painkillers citing 'Shark Week' as the reason. I looked into what 'Shark Week' is, and found an Earth television special about certain aquatic predators, and I'm unsure how that could cause a human physical pain lightyears from Earth?"

O: "Interesting, is there anything else you can tell me about this human during these events?"

C: "Yes, I've also received reports from other crewmembers around these events that this human is not as outgoing as usual, and shows signs of discomfort with facial expressions and changes in appetite, but does not respond well to the standard psychological protocols for team building and social connection."

O: "What about the timing? You said this has happened twice, correct? How much time was between them?"

C: "Yes, I've documented both with dates. The human requested the painkillers twice, 28 days apart. The crew reported signs of distress for a few days following each request, and two times in the day before the first request."

O: "Alright, I believe your human is using the phrase, "Shark Week" as a euphemism for the start of the menstrual cycle, which is often referred to as a 'period'. To put it simply, one of the female reproductive organs sheds its inner lining roughly once an Earth month, lasting anywhere from a few days to a full week."

C: "Similar to how the Rythyani shed and replace their stomach linings?"

O: "Yes, though the uterus has blood vessels that extend into that lining, so shedding also causes bleeding."

C: "Bleeding? How much blood is lost? Why has she not requested bandages or a transfusion?"

O: "For most, a period is not life-threatening. The amount of blood loss does not require a transfusion to replace, or bandages to stop, though iron deficiency may be a concern for some that can be easily remedied through their diet. Ultimately, your human will know her body and how to handle her cycle best. We learn to deal with periods from a relatively young age. You should have received a human anatomy and physiology textbook when the first human joined your crew. Do you have it?"

C: "Yes, though I do admit I have not yet had the time to read it."

O: "That's alright. The chapter on human reproductive systems goes into more detail about the biology of the menstrual cycle than I can tell you. For the time being, make sure your human knows that she can ask for support if needed, and inform your crew that not all humans will be happy all the time, and they don't need to be. Over time, you will gain a better understanding your humans' patterns. Until then, trust them to express their needs, and talk to them if you have specific concerns. I can give general advice, but they will know themselves best."

C: "Thank you for clearing up the confusion, Mindy, I will look into this and update the protocols as necessary. I have no more questions for you at this time."

O: "You are very welcome, please don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

End Transmission

#humanity hotline #humans are space orcs #humans and aliens #humans are weird

[aziraphalesrevenge]

Good Omens fandom, can we talk about their names please?

Crowley's name is to him what yellow is to Aziraphale. Let me explain.

So, we all know that Crowley's name has changed during the 6000 years he's spent on earth, and I haven't seen anyone else talking about this, but it's absolutely fascinating to me.

I want to start by looking at the first name change he made from Crawley to Crowley. This change happens after the Job incident and before the Crucifixion. That's significant.

Why? Because the goats had been turned into crows. The very crows that started bleating like goats and alerted Aziraphale that all was not as it seemed. The incident in which Aziraphale ate the majority of an ox while Crowley drank and watched him. And they talked.

It was also here that the two of them worked together and implicitly trusted each other which allowed them to safely return the kids (HA KIDS->goats) to Job and Sitis. Together, they pulled the wool over the angels' eyes and most importantly: Aziraphale lied. This is when "our side" started to take shape and we get a moment of the two of them sitting together as two (lonely) beings that "go along with Heaven/Hell as far as they can".

I have been FERAL about this. This demon literally renamed himself after the birds that revealed he hadn't actually harmed the goats (THE KIDS). The amount of trust they have in each other here is extreme. This is the first time they've truly trusted and worked together, and Crowley NAMED HIMSELF AFTER IT.

Next, in 1800: Aziraphale's bookshop was opened (re: named). Then, in 1941 we discover Crowley has added more to his name. His human name: Anthony J. Crowley. We don't know exactly when he started using it (after the 1862 fight, perhaps?), and neither does Aziraphale. This is where the angel first hears the name and we get the infamous "What's the J stand for?" interaction.

(FUN FACT: Apparently the name Anthony is: "Derived from the Roman family name Antonius, it means "priceless one." Saint Anthony of Padua is the patron saint of mislaid items and is often prayed to by those seeking something they have lost." Taken from here.)

Now, let's lay this out a little bit differently for comparison purposes.

-Anthony J Crowley. A.J. Crowley.

-Aziraphale's bookshop: A.Z. Fell & Co.

It's now my personal headcanon that Crowley purposefully went out and named himself so that the initials were similar to the bookshop's name.

And it's also worth mentioning that in every way, shape, and form, Crowley's name is always chronologically before Aziraphale's/the bookshop's. Anthony is before Aziraphale. J is before Z. Crowley is before Fell.

CURIOUS. Although, Crowley would never outright admit any of this if my headcanon/observations are in any way correct.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 #go2 spoilers #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #yellow because it's pretty #aziracrow #air conditioning #a/c #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots

[schizopositivity]

how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:

correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)

correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)

correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)

do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)

when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)

do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)

dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)

dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)

dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)

dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)

dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)

dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)

dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)

dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)

dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)

dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)

dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)

dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)

dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)

learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)

learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)

TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do

#schizophrenia #psychosis #schizophrenic #nd #mental illness #neurodivergent #actuallyschizophrenic #pseriouslypsychotic #mental health awareness #mental health #sanism #ableism #tw delusions #schizo #schizo spec #crazy #advocacy

[disniq]

i havent read all of the comics post urban legends to gotham war with jason, but as far as i remember between them jason didn't really kill anyone? tfz is on my mind (he tried to kill 'bane' but didn't). i suppose he couldve been murdering off screen as well but i also have no idea if that's hinted at

anyway with tmwsl and the beast war stuff having him kill it means:

urban legends -> stops killing

gotham war -> is brainfuckedup by bruce. cant do shit

tmwsl -> joker unbrainfuckedups him, he proceeds to go ham and kill some goons/tries to kill the jokers

beast world -> still killing in larger amounts

so if bruce had left his ass alone would he still be in a holding pattern with the bats? way to fuck it bruce (though im happy. so.)

obviously the doyalist explanation is they probably realized jason was in a bit of a limbo atm and decided to shake it up again. but watsonian is soooo funny to me. good job b

Thank you for bearing with me anon, I'm finally free from work and mostly compos mentis at the moment, so!

My initial instinct when I got this ask was to disagree, because I didn't read Jason's behaviour in the last issue of MWSL as any more or less violent than he was in the earlier issues, I don't think he ever actually killed anybody in that run (though do correct me if I'm wrong on that), and I'm extremely reluctant to take the Beast World characterisation into account because it's a, uh... reductive view of Jason, at best.

But.

BUT!

As I was turning this over in my head, I realised why it was pinging at my brain.

It's because this exact thing *has happened*, back in RHatOs Rebirth.

Pre-rhato 25 my beloathed, Jason had been consistently using less-lethal methods in exchange for Bruce's implicit approval and regular interaction with the batfam. He specifically says this on panel in The Trial of Batwoman, this is a choice he chooses to make against his own beliefs;

Detective Comics #975

This holds until six months later, when Jason shoots Penguin. And then Bruce famously snaps and beats the everloving shit out of him in a brutal and notably one-sided fight.

After which, Jason changes up his outfit, swaps the guns for a crowbar and a katana, and becomes significantly more lethal again.

RHatO (2016) #25, RHatO (2016) #26

And when I thought about it, well. I think you could argue that each of Jason's more lethal spells are proceeded by an altercation with Bruce.

Brothers in Blood, where Jason plays a murderous, knife-wielding Nightwing to annoy Dick, is the first Jason story after the infamous Under the Hood showdown wherein Bruce chooses to cut Jason's throat instead of... doing literally anything else instead.

Batman: Under the Red Hood, Nightwing (1996) #118

And after working relatively civilly with others throughout Countdown, Jason goes full murder gunbats in Battle for the Cowl after Bruce's delightful little "you're broken and you'll never be fixed" hologram speech.

Battle for the Cowl #3 , Battle for the Cowl #1

Now, I absolutely do not want to come across like I'm saying Bruce is responsible for all Jason's more extreme actions at all, because I'm not about that lack of agency shizzle at all. Obviously Jason was already very much down to kill prior to his final confrontation with Bruce in UtRH, and I think he does genuinely believe some people deserve to die.

But I think this pattern of Jason reacting to Bruce's outright and often violent rejections by escalating the very behaviour that has Bruce repeatedly rejecting him is super interesting as a facet of their continuous cycle of abuse.

So regardless of Beast World, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Jason does lilt more lethal for a hot minute before he inevitably makes consessions to get back into Batman's good books.

#asked and answered #jason todd #bruce wayne critical #my meta

[veebarnes13]

Melt winter away

Context: Bucky's heart is crippled by ice, it has been for so long that he doubts it will ever melt; until she brings heat into his frozen soul.

TW: slight sexual scene (detailed kissing)

Era: TFATWS

(English isn't my native language, feel free to correct me!)

Enjoy! :)

☆☆★☆☆

From the moment he had seen her, Bucky knew she was the one. On a random Wednesday, he saw her on the tip of her toes, reaching out for something on the top shelf. He knew she was the one for him. When he handed her what she was reaching for and locked eyes with her, he knew there was not anyone else than her.

It was her.

Every Wednesday night since then, they went on a date. It was their little ritual. He surprised himself circling every Wednesday on his calendar, his heart pounding at the pace of his wild thoughts.

Bucky didn't expect much of these dates at first. He thought to himself she would end up running from him because of his past, his scars, his frozen heart. Instead, she did the exact opposite.

Every Wednesday night, Bucky found his way back to her, and she welcomed him every time.

Her laugh, her smile, the spark in her eyes, her hair, her perfect face, every inch of her, changed something inside of him. He felt something change. Every second spent in her company made this feeling grow stronger until he was able to put words on it. Every little thing about her was warming up his heart. Every little thing about her made the thick ice he had been wearing for so long melt.

He was stuck between the enclosure of frost, trapped inside a prison of which he didn't have the key, and she had it. When was the last time he felt heat? Even the smallest amount of heat? He truly didn't know. All he recalled was the cold, the winter, slowly setting in, killing everything under its lethal breath. His fingers were numb from scratching in the walls surrounding him, his lungs pained him at each inspiration. No more fire, not even a spark.

But there she was, bringing with only a smile enough heat to warm up his blue fingers.

Bucky couldn't believe it. How could he? He was used to battle against his demons. Some of the scars has worn off over time, but there always were knew ones to carve his sufferance on his soul. He knew his demons by heart, still, he had no idea how to tame them. He had given up this hope - until she brought it back. Her presence kept Bucky's demons on a leash. He could breath without feeling the cold creeping in his lungs.

Rubbing shoulders with demons made him forget what angels looked like, but she reminded him.

Because she was an angel.

His angel.

Each Wednesday, Bucky battled his way back to her, back to her wide smile and her loud, beautiful laugh. He was convinced she was an angel. He could easily picture her with the softest wings, the brightest halo, her figure appearing from the lightest cloud. He didn't understand why she had left Heaven for his Hell, but she had walked in the winter as you would walk in the summer. She didn't flinch, she didn't look back. She got inside his Hell and battled for him. And each Wednesday, Bucky contemplated her angelic face, wondering how he could've been this lucky. He couldn't get tired of looking at her. It was like staring at the sun without it burning your eyes. He tried his best not to blink when he looked at her, scared she would fade away, and he'd end up waking up from a dream. It was too good to be true. She was too good to be true. But still, she came back every Wednesday.

And this very Wednesday, it had been eight weeks since they met. Eight dates. Two months.

To celebrate it, Bucky had bought the biggest flower bouquet he had found. He always gave her flowers, but never that much. He was a bit disappointed by his pick - roses -, but he knew it would mean a lot to his angel. He could've picked up tired flowers from the road and she would've smiled brightly anyway. But she was worth more than that. She was worth all the flowers on the goddamn planet.

Tonight, they were going stargazing. She had a convertible car, so she was the one picking him up, for the first time. He didn't mind. The thought of watching her drive made him smile.

As he was waiting for her to pick him up, he plucked out every single thorn from the roses with his left hand. The simple thought of her getting hurt by his fault was making his heart clench under the layers of ice. He knew he was going to harm her one day, but he wanted to push it farther, until he didn't have the strenght to anymore.

He was meant to harm things.

When she pulled into the drive, he rushed to the passenger seat before she could make a move to open the door for him. He looked at her beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking figure and face, and his stomach did the thing. It always did it around her.

"Good ev-" she started, but the sight of the flowers cut her sentence.

She widened her eyes.

"Bucky, you didn't!" she exclamed.

"I did." he replied, smiling.

She giggled as he handed her the bouquet. She buried her nose into their scent and for a split second, Bucky got terrified by the idea that he might have forgotten a thorn. But she looked back up at him without a scratch and he sighed, relieved.

"It's trice the size as those you usually buy me." she quipped.

"Maybe more twice..." he replied, smiling.

She nudged him gently, making him chuckle.

"It's... I don't have the words." she whispered.

He smiled again. God, all he did around her was act like an enamoured teenager.

"Will they last the night? Or maybe I'd better make a stop at mine to put them in a vase." she said.

"They should last. If they don't, I'll buy others." he shrugged.

"No way! I won't let you do that!" she laughed.

So she drove to hers, put the flowers in water, and got back behind the wheel. He watched her drive, his breath gone at the sight of her. When she smiled at him at a red light, he felt a jolt strike his heart, and a spark lit up in the winter ruling his soul. He couldn't believe it. She was too perfect to be true.

They finally reached their destination, the top of a hill where the light pollution from the city was the lowest in town. He rushed to her door to help her out, as the perfect gentleman he was, and grabbed her hand.

He lead her to a spot where he spread out a blanket over the damp grass and gestured her to take place. She sat down and entwined their fingers to make him join her, pulling him close. He felt the thaw inside him when she rested her head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, still holding her hand, and he held her close, his heart quickening its beats.

She pointed constellations, guessed shapes between the stars, and he listened to her yap about everything that crossed her mind. She knew he wasn't good to fill the void that silence created between them, so she made sure she always had something to say, and he felt very grateful for that.

At one point, they laid down on their back to get a better view. She held his hand tightly, not letting go at all, and he brushed her knuckles with his thumb. They stopped talking to listen to the night. The celestial vault sprawled before their eyes, not a single cloud in sight.

He couldn't help himself. His eyes always went back to her. He contemplated her face turned towards the stars, the curve of her neck, the smile tickling her lips. She was ethereal. He was convinced even the angels still in Heaven could not compare at all with her. She was above beauty, above ethereal, even. Looking at her this way woke up a spark between his ribs. Looking back at the sky would tear him apart, so he kept admiring every perfect inch of her.

He was "hergazing" more than stargazing.

She bit the inside of her cheek and turned her head to look at him. He felt his beartbeat go wild. His thoughts scattered away as she started into his eyes, leaving only her on his mind.

"I thought we were stargazing." she sneered.

"You're brighter than the stars, doll." he stuttered.

She blushed and giggled.

"What an awful cheesy sentence. I love it." she laughed.

He cupped her cheek gently. He felt the heat of her face against his palm, warming up the cold inside of him. She smiled and he kept his hand there, letting the hotness of her blush sink in his fingers, travel up his arm and land on the ice over his heart. He could feel some water forming over the layers, dripping down his ribs, turning into mist as they reached his feet. She was warming him up, chasing the winter, and he absolutely loved it.

From that angle, as the moon was still low and the hill slightly higher than it, it hovered over the back of her head. It conferred her a halo, the halo she deserves, as if the moon was picturing the angel Bucky always believed she was. His stomach did the thing again. She looked like she had fallen from the cloudy word above.

His palm got sweaty against her cheek and he wanted to wipe it on his jeans, but she grabbed his wrist and kept his hand on her face. His breath catched in his throat.

In this instant, when she looked back at him this way, with a flame burning in her eyes, he felt the warmth get the best of him. The ice became water, the water mist, the mist steam. The smile on her beautiful lips made the steam even hotter and it became a spark. It sizzled in the cold world that was his ribcage and came to life. His mouth turned dry, the blood in his veins boiled up.

His angel parted her lips, a silent invitation, and Bucky couldn't hold himself back.

He brought her face to his and brushed her lips with his. The spark became a flame, burning its way in every inch of the frozen land that was his heart. She slid her hands through his hair and kissed him harder, almost in a desperate way. The flame exploded into a strong, powerful fire, and he lost control.

He wrapped his arms around his angel's waist and rolled on his back to lay her on his chest. She never stopped the kiss, didn't even pull back. They tangled their legs as a blaze was melting the ice in Bucky. He panted against her lips when all the layers turned into water, and all the water evaporated into a hot, burning steam. Everything catched on fire and he wasn't crippled by his ice prison anymore. The kiss went on, and on, and on, until they couln't breathe anymore.

They broke their embrace to catch their breath. He rested his forehead against hers, finally aware of how hot he had gotten inside. How hot she made him. The flames had licked away every last drop of water, leaving nothing but heat. Her heat.

His trembling hands caressed their way up her back until he cupped her face and brushed another kiss on her perfect lips. She was flushed, barely breathing, as shaking as him, and she was even more perfect than she usually was. Was it even possible?

He gently rolled on his side to lay her down on the blanket again. She snuggled into his chest, her nose buried in the crook of his neck, and they stargazed again. They shared a tender kiss every now and then, their bodies so close they almost look like one. Bucky felt his heart, finally free, hammer against his ribs at each kiss. He had reached his angel's Heaven.

When the sun roze up from its nap a few hours later, they were waking up from a night on the ground.

Bucky looked at the sun as it caressed the hill with its rays and reached for the moon, skimming lovingly her craters. He contemplated the two lovers of the sky being finally reunited as he and his angel had just found eachother's lover of the earth.

He almost feared God would take away from him His angel, claiming her back, but she kissed his temple and he cuddled her closer to him, his heart finally beating freely next to hers. He had his angel, all to himself, and she wasn't going back to Heaven, as she had created her own paradise between Bucky and her.

And among all the angels, she was his.

The only one able to melt winter away.

☆☆★☆☆

Thank you so much for reading this! I hope with all my heart that you enjoyed it.

If you like my writing, you can take a look at my Wattpad account, "WinterBarnes13", but my works there are mostly in French. I only have one Fanfic in English, it's short and was written two years ago.

Lots of love!

- Vee

#bucky #james barnes #fanfic #bucky barnes #marvel #winter soldier #james bucky barnes #oneshot #fluff #romance #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #the falcon and the winter soldier #cute fluff

[terra-feminarum]

When women weren’t oppressed

Recently I got a private message asking when there was a time in history when women weren't oppressed. So, when was it?*

*I’m not a historian and my knowledge of this subject is far from complete. I welcome additions, corrections and conversation. This is a subject where you will find contradicting interpretations and as far as I’m concerned, attempts to silence anyone who dares to suggest patriarchy isn’t inevitable. Vetting of information isn’t easy without a background in relevant sciences. This is not a comprehensive look into female-friendly cultures as I’m not an expert at all on this subject.

Men want us to believe patriarchy is inevitable

At lot of us take patriarchy for granted. It has always existed. The past was even more horrible to women than the present day, right? The cave-men grabbed women by the hair and dragged them to their caves to rape.

We tend to consider males aspiring towards dominance as inevitable and natural, an inherent part of the behavior of Homo sapiens males.

This view of the past benefits the patriarchy. If we believe women have it better now than ever before, we settle for what we have now. If we believe the patriarchy is the natural social order of Homo sapiens, we might be satisfied with small changes that give us some relative safety and don’t pursue true liberation.

Rape is not inevitable

Rape is one of the main ways men oppress women.

We take rape as inevitable. It’s not.

Among Mosuo people, where women are the heads of the households and inheritance is matrilinear, the concept of rape doesn’t exist. I’m by no means an expert on Mosuo culture, so feel free to correct me. As far as I know, they consider rape an absurd concept – or at least did in the past, as nowadays patriarchal mainstream Chinese culture has started to affect the life of younger generations.

Imagine a life where you can’t imagine rape more than you can imagine someone forcefully stuffing food in your throat, which would be a violent and completely absurd act. I believe countless of women have lived at places and times where rape wasn't a thing.

The past is re-written by men

In the 19th century it was surprisingly commonly believed humans had a matriarchal past, but at some point the idea was ridiculed to oblivion so that it was (is?) basically impossible to study that subject and be taken seriously in the academia.

Later, continuing to present day, signs of matriarchal societies tended to be ignored or explained away. In contrast, rule of men is often assumed in historical findings from very little proof.

This assumption hasn’t been always right. A sizeable amount of prehistoric graves, assumed to be of male rulers or hunters, have now been proved to belong to women. Just lately scientists have realized the whole assumption of only men being hunters in historical hunter-gatherer societies is false. Women hunted too, as much as men.

The problem with researching the past were women weren’t oppressed is that we have centuries worth of interpretations based on the biases of male scientists who saw their own patriarchal worldview reflected everywhere they looked. Their imaginations simply couldn’t (and can’t) stretch to understand anything else.

Minoan culture

Minoan culture is one example of misinterpreted ancient culture.

This Bronze Age civilization based on Crete revolved around women. For a long time, male scientist refused to understand what their discoveries meant. Meanwhile they were completely capable of interpreting similar art and other findings elsewhere as prove of male rulership. But when the findings pointed to female leaders, it was assumed to be symbolic.

An interesting detail from Minoan art is how men are depicted to be very athletic and always wearing very little clothing – a bit like women are today.

It took a long time before men admitted women held high positions in Minoan culture, when it was very obvious from the evidence, had they been able to admit it was possible. Men tend to interpret the evidence to support their idea of a man the provider, man the ruler. And even most women accept it as the truth.

The patriarchal household isn’t inevitable

We often take it for granted that the natural human family structure is a male-led nuclear family. In the recent past and still today in many parts of the world, women move to their husband’s household, therefore ending up lowest in the social hierarchy as they are surrounded with the man’s family. When everyone else is related to the husband, it’s clear they more often than not take his side.

This is hardly the only way to arrange a relationship between a man and a woman. For example, the Mosuo people have a thing called walk-in marriage. Households are organized around a matriarch and her offspring. Both sons and daughters stay with their mother. Men and women of course have relationships, but the men simply stay for the night with their loved ones and then return in the morning to contribute to their mother’s household. Traditionally men haven’t taken care of their own children, but the children of their sisters. This is a practice that’s common in female-centered cultures.

An another alternative is matrilocality, which I understand has been or is practiced within certain Native American people. In a matrilocal system, the husband moves to his wife’s household. I believe this in itself causes a very different dynamic than a woman moving to a man’s family – the whole family now looks after the wife. Would you abuse your wife if you lived in the same longhouse as her whole extended family?

Venus figurines & Kurgan theory

There are signs that at some point in the distant past, Eurasian culture was very woman-centered. Venus figurines, depicting old women, have been found all over Eurasia.

At some point the Venus figurines disappeared.

The archaeologist Marija Gimbutas (1921 -1994), whose work has been ridiculed and largely forgotten, proposed Kurgan theory to explain the prevalence of patriarchy in Eurasia. Kurgan culture originated at the Black Sea and they are assumed to be the first speakers of proto-Indo-European language.

It is assumed Kurgan culture was more violent and patriarchal and violently spread over other cultures that were female-friendly.

Terra Feminarum

A text written in year 1075 describes a Northern European area called Terra Feminarum, Women's Land. Terra Feminarum was described to be located east from the Swedes and west from Russia. It was told the residents were Amazons of the Baltic Sea. "When Emund, the king of the Swedes had sent his son Anud to enlarge his powers, he arrived by sea to Woman Land. The Women immediately mixed poison to spring water and this way killed the king and his army."

It seems likely Terra Feminarum was located in Finland and/or Estonia, where Indo-European languages were never adopted (re: Kurgan theory). Maybe this area was one of the last female-friendly cultures in Europe. This is pure speculation at this point. Our traditional cultures have been disrupted by Christianity and patriarchy.

It might have been Kaarina Kailo – a Finnish scholar in Women’s studies - who I think said something along the lines of her taking some liberties when interpreting our past. That sometimes her interpretations might be speculative to a degree. You know why? That’s what men have been doing the whole time. They take the proof of men’s societal power as granted, even when the evidence is scarce. If the scarce lines written of Terra Feminarum described rule of men, no one would doubt it was true. But now Terra Feminarum is a myth, not history.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

This was only the tiniest scratch to the subject and I hope others have more to add. I don't have time to write a more comprehensive piece.

It's often said patriarchy originated with agriculture and the concept of ownership. Whether that's true or not, patriarchy hasn't been here forever.

#matriarchy #patriarchy #feminism #terra feminarum

[digitaldoeslmk]

I apologize if you're not the right person to ask but I've been wondering this for a while and since you both enjoy (but are critical of) lmk and also enjoy/know a lot about jttw I figure you may be a decent person to ask. And I mean this is as an entirely genuine question.

Jttw has so many different adaptations and parodies and, for lack of a better term, spinoffs, why is it that LMK in particular seems to get so much more criticism? How is it different from any other story that uses jttw as a base?

I was under the impression that while a lot of events and chatacters have been changed or tweaked in some ways (looking at red son in particular, as well as seemingly replacing Buddha with the jade emperor, I could go on) it was still relatively faithful at least in spirit. It has a lot of callbacks and mentions to the book, even if it's more or less an AU of the original story.

So why is it that its adaptation in particular seems so...disliked I suppose? Or at least takes a lot more criticism than other adaptations. I could take a few guesses (fandom (and its lack of knowledge of the source material) being a big one, or otherwise being more western than the story probably should be) but as someone who was introduced to jttw by lmk (reading the book now and having a blast with it) I'm curious and confused as to why it seems to be disliked when there are so many other jttw adaptations that also change fair chunks of the story, and those don't seem to garner the same level of criticism.

And I apologize again if you're maybe the wrong person to ask, but I wasn't sure where else to start, if you know anyone who can maybe answer this better I'd love to hear from any of them as well, I've been so curious about this for a while.

no worries at all, and i appreciate the ask!

i do wanna preface this by saying that i have very little interaction with the LMK fandom, and mostly heard the horror stories through the grapevine or by others telling me their own experience with it. and make no mistake, this sideblog is very much me laser focusing on the few stuff i enjoy of the show and expanding on those and filling in the rest with a lot of plaster and spite ajdhawjhbdh

i will keep most of my vitriol to myself though, and that the opinion i'm giving is my own. there's a lot of good folks who are more than welcome to pitch in with their own criticisms here, for a larger poll of voices.

read more cus this is long xvx

as you have said, JTTW has an overwhelming amount of retelling, rewrites, sequels, prequels, adaptations, what have you. trust me, there is a JTTW adaptation for everyone out there and it's part of the beauty and appeal of it. and equally, everyone has their pros and cons for each of them.

one major point to keep in mind is that LMK has a very online fanbase, and it's an abnormally large one. it also has fans on the west and in china, and the language barrier tends to keep both rather separate, for better or worse. so a larger fanbase means a larger pool of criticism simply by law of averages.

another thing to keep in mind is that, because it is so large, a lot of people are getting into JTTW thanks to it, and it's exactly those changes that make it even more of a hurdle for people to meet JTTW where it's at. and by that i mean, a very different worldview and belief system than known in the west.

i've been in the JTTW fandom properly for, three months now?? three and a half lol and the amount of reading and studying i've been doing to just scratch at the depth of centuries of cultural context is not insignificant. and i'm only just starting! it's a wonderful experience, but not many in the LMK fandom are as eager or willing to learn all that, much less listen when people correct them on things that they believe, that are factually false. and that can be deeply frustrating for those who simply want to share in the joy of learning.

it's incredibly demeaning and patronizing, to have such an old and rich culture reduced to a single adaptation that rly lambasts the roots of its entire premise for existing. no other fans of other adaptations have that kind of attitude that i've come across; those are all understood as AUs and not to be taken as gospel, but some of the fandom treat LMK as the end all be all of JTTW media and it's, infuriating.

beyond the fandom leaving one hell of a bitter taste, there's the fact that LMK is a very westernized view and parody of JTTW. it breaks not only with the lore of it, but with the very fundamentals of Buddhist and Daoist cosmology. those changes you mentioned, like the JE replacing Buddha and then the guy getting killed, the absence of several concepts and deities, and sometimes the very change of them, are incredibly disrespectful on their own. it's very hard to remove JTTW from its religious roots (it can be done but those usually read more as "inspired by" rather than proper adaptations), and to do so by filling the empty space with a Greco-Christian view of cosmology is... A Big Ol Yikes.

while we in the west might be okay turning stuff like Christian, Norse, Greek, etc. mythology upside down for our stories, it comes off as disrespectful to do the same for an overall dismissed and ignored religion in the west like Daoism, and even more so for such a sprawling one as Buddhism. that attitude does not translate well at all, and to be faithful only in spirit is simply not enough. you wouldn't (i hope) say that about people who appropriate Indigenous or closed faith beliefs for their own use; it's 2023 surely we don't need to revive the W-nd-ig- debate again, or the Lilith one. (i can for further context but i'd rather not, but you're than welcome to google it)

at the end of the day, an AU is just an AU until you're using it to sell toys and it has turned into a massive entry window for many western fans into a foundational piece of literature for an entire country that has been and still is routinely degraded and discriminated against.

i hope this hasn't come off as too harsh, but this is smth that rly grinds my gears and i tend to be a bit stern when discussing it. none of it was aimed at you anon, i know you're just trying to understand the situation and i do appreciate the effort you're making!!

[mueritos]

I find it funny you post things about the wrong people becoming therapists yet you want to be a social worker and actively defend rapists and abusers 💀

CW: mentions of SA/cycles of abuse.

you must think you're really clever. the therapy industry has a huge amount of problems (like any other industry built on service to other humans, like the medical industry), and i think even the people who want to work within the therapy field (whether as a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, a social worker, a sex therapist, etc) can still critique the many issues within it, mainly the racism, eurocentrinism, and the individualistic values that much of talk therapy promotes. I don't know where you got the second part of your statement, because not only is it widely inaccurate of what I was thinking of doing in social work, it also is just not a great idea to hold about people who work with people who do harm.

there are therapists/social workers who work exclusively with cops/law enforcement, and ethically those people CANNOT work with people who are victims of law enforcement or people who "break the law" (incarcerated folks). It just doesn't work, because if you work with both, it can create a conflict of interest. this is the same with people who work with victims of assault (SA or not). these therapists/etc who work with victims of assault/abuse CANNOT work with abusers. The same is vice versa, as in people who work with those who do serious harm cannot work with their victims.

I think your self righteousness is misplaced. You clearly have a lot of work to do in regards to removing your own feelings and judgement from the work that many therapists and social workers do. I don't know if you know this, but everyone (yes, even people who do serious harm) are deserving of basic human necessities, like oh i don't know. Housing, healthcare, or therapy. It is not my job as a future social worker to judge people, that is wickedly different from holding someone accountable. Judging is like sending someone to prison for 25 years, further removing them from the communities and resources that could generate accountability. Further, no one can hold anyone accountable unless said person consents to being held accountable. There are different procedures for whether they do or not. My job, as a future social worker, is to help people, because I believe all people deserve to ask for help and receive the help that they need.

Not sure if you know, but I'm against incarceration/punishment. I believe we hold punishment as the way to "teach people a lesson", but if you do not work with people and actively step in and disrupt cycles of trauma (housing crisis, hunger, substance abuse, interpersonal abuse, racism, ableism, etc), you will only find that people re-offend unless they are given the resources they need to be better. Yes, there are people who genuinely want to do harm, but harm does not exist in a vacuum, and if you are unwilling to acknowledge that, then I genuinely wish compassion to anyone who slips up around you and shows you that anyone is capable of any level of harm.

People who do serious harm are victims of the same cycle abuse as everyone else. You white knuckling your self righteous black and white morality is the reason why you cannot understand that even the worst kinds of people deserve the same access to care as victims of harm. You think that people who work with individuals who do harm as them defending them, when the reality is many of us with the brains built to do this kind of work want to stop this harm and correct abusive behavior. Unfortunately for you, people are capable of change. No one is asking you to like anyone or their actions (because I don't have to like the people I work with either, freak), but what people like me are asking you is to accept the fact that all people do harm, and when people are given the community and resources to, they can change for the better and recognize the serious harm they have caused.

Not everyone who goes into this work wants to aim their energy into the "socially acceptable" work. I think social justice morality and the sanitization of revolutionary politics has rotted our brains into believing that we must do and be the most "woke" person ever, channeling our energy into victims of harm. But what we fail to recognize through that is that some people would rather divest their energy into de-radicalization of fascists, or others want to put their energy into theory, others want to learn how to connect with the land and be sustainable, and others want to learn how to help others. And just like them, there are people who are willing enough to use their skills and compassion for conflict/resolution, accountability practices, and to help those who have harmed. Because, unfortunate for you, activists should NOT be juggling being the theorist, farmer, therapist, spiritualist, leader, mediator, protestor, rioter, etc and etc. Some people are simply built to put their energy into what they are good at. This doesn't mean that the farmer does not encourage the theorist to continue thinking and writing their theory. And I am sure the theorist, one who cannot farm and till, is grateful for the skills the farmer brings once dinner comes around.

it's funny really because I still am not sure about what I want my focus to be in social work, and for you to assume that I am "defending" abusers/rapists by thinking about working in extremely hostile, tense, and exhausting environments in the attempt to disrupt cycles of violence is me "defending" these individuals...it just reveals more about you than myself, anon. Many people already work with abusers/rapists (many of those therapists being victims of abuse/SA as well), so you may as well call the ones who are actually doing the work rn "defenders" of abuse. see how that bodes for you.

that's all I have to say.

#muertoresponds #hope that helped for anyone else to understand #for further context im an anarchist who is also an existentialist #and those two codes of living have greatly affected the way i think and interact with the world #if anyone else has any questions feel free to ask them #someone somewhere has to do the dirty work #you dont have to like it or like the people who do it #but there are spaces and communities where these people are needed and necessary to disrupt cycles of abuse #words r important as well so take my usage of the word harm as a general term for all systems and cycles of harm #but harm may not be abuse #as in that it is cyclical and intentional and pre-meditated cycles of abuse #like man i havent even started doing social work training or education yet and youre already on my ass #anyway if anyones interested my MSW intership is with immigrant children and families so no i am currently not working in restorative justi #but who knows i could be one day idk #anyway #thats all

[interlunium-opus]

Enhypen Hyung Line as Taylor Swift's Songs from the Midnights Album: Jay as Midnight Rain

⎡ Check out other members: Heeseung as Lavender Haze ||| Jake as Labyrinth ||| Sunghoon as Snow on the Beach ⎦

This guy, to me, is someone who takes dating and love very seriously: essentially someone who dates to marry. Pair that with his apparent proclivity to be selfless and his nature that tends towards being empathetic and nurturing, you get him as the other party in Midnight Rain, the one who got his heart broken, the one who wanted a bride.

"I broke his heart 'cus he was nice He was sunshine, I was midnight rain He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain He wanted a bride, I was chasing my own name Chasing that fame, He stayed the same All of me changed like midnight"

So so imagine you two have been best friends for so long and while deep down you two always felt that perhaps your feelings for one another exceeds that of friendship norms, you two always repress it.

While he was ready and eager to take it to a more serious level and settle down, he was far too considerate of your feelings. He knew you weren't ready for a relationship, not with anyone including him. More than fearing the possibility of being rejected however, what deterred him most was in not wanting to put you in such a difficult spot. He remembered how distraught you were whenever you received such confessions – how easily you paint yourself as the 'bad' person for having to reject them or ghost them. So he decided to repress them, satisfied enough with being able to be around you and spend an inordinate amount of time with you.

Jay was indeed correct. Dating has never between something of priority or interest to you. You didn't like being tied down and more importantly, you had great ambitions and were a workaholic essentially having no space nor time to spare. Not even for yourself, let alone for others.

That being said, feelings, no matter how repressed will usually seep through. For Jay in particular, whose language of love revolves around acts of service and gift giving, it was very evident as it was also amplified to great heights by his proclivity to be selfless.

Like he could be running on zero sleep, but he'd still be outside your door early in the morning with your coffee. He could have just arrived in Seoul after a long flight but he'd immediately shop for groceries and stop by your place to cook you a full-course meal as a surprise for when you come home. He could have been sick but would still run out of bed when you called him to go outside and play snowball fights with you. Heck, you could even tell him you crush on someone else and he'd still root for you all the way: helping you to win the guy over no matter how much it breaks him.

But the selflessness eventually grew too excessive for you.

Now, you had always told him off for being so selfless to a fault – that if he kept it up, he was bound to be taken advantage by others. Combined that with the fact that he's very softhearted – he is pretty much setting himself up for a heartbreak. But then you realised that his selflessness and affection towards you was treading that very dangerous waters.

He'd get food take-outs delivered to you since you hate going out during lunch; he'd bring you to dine at expensive restaurants but always beat you to the bill despite your insistence not to; he'd gift you branded items that costs an arm and a leg; when it's busy or stressful week for you he'd take you out to ease your mind but it's always to a resort, spa, etc – all the pricey destinations that somehow already get paid for. As if making your life as pain-free as possible was his life goal, he would strive hard towards it whether it is by spending more of his time or money.

You have consistently told him that you didn’t need any of it, that you cannot give him the same in return but each time, he would shrug it off, saying it was nothing, saying how he never wanted anything in return. This banter would often resurface, again and again, until you've had enough one day and decided to confront him about it. It turned into an argument to which you realised that as long as you're around him, he would willingly let himself razed to the ground for you.

"You deserve someone better," you finally said, "I don't think you'll even try to find one as long as I'm around." "You're my lifeline y/n," head buried on the crook of your neck, his arms tightened around you as he hugged you close, voice weak, "you don't have to love me the same way, you don't have to repay me in any kind, you don't have to do anything else – just be you and be in my life. That's all that matters for me." "I know you Jay, you won't change, ever," you sighed, letting yourself sink in his embrace possibly for the last time, "but I'm not selfish and I won't let you continue giving up what you deserve like this. Please, find someone else – you're meant for someone better."

Fast forward to 5 years later, all the grind pays off and you were more successful than you could ever imagine - reaching the pinnacle of your work.

One evening during a formal networking event, you found your eyes wandering around the bustling crowd, landing upon a familiar tall figure that. It was Jay, already staring back, gaze soft and lips curved into the sweet smile you've just only realised to greatly miss. Almost on auto-pilot, you smiled back, lost in the moment before suddenly getting wheeled back to reality by your director, who was eager to introduce you to yet another person of importance.

You soon discreetly slipped out to the balcony, overwhelmed by the amount of socializing you have done tonight – finding solace in the quiet and darkness of the night. You were soon interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. You put on your best customer-service smile as you spun around, ready to put on the extrovert facade and begrudgingly indulge in yet another tiresome round of small talk – only to see that it was Jay who looked amused at the way your smile drop.

"I don't know if I should be offended that you immediately dropped your customer service smile when you saw that it was me or be grateful and take it as a sign that I'm special enough that you're not putting the facade up for me too," he raised his brows before his expressions softened into that of resignation, "you haven't changed y/n. I mean, apart from looking more beautiful and getting more successful, that hermit is apparently still alive inside of you as evidenced by you escaping like this."

"Nor you. Apart from losing the baby fat and having a much sharper jawline, you still show up looking like old money," you quipped, shaking your head dismissively as you eyed him from top to bottom, “I bet what you're currently wearing have yet been released.”

"You know me well, it's for next season."

“Bet it costs a fortune too?”

“Well, without you – my voice of reason – I’m floundering my cash like a fool,” he shrugged, wiggling his brows.

“Oh wow, look at you. Gone for 5 years to the US and coming back as a full-fledged flirt huh?”

“Or maybe, turning more honest?" he smiled softly, taking a few steps closer towards you, "I've missed you."

You stared back at him in silence, revelling in those soft gazes, "I've missed you too."

"There is something else that is unchanged," he muttered softly and his gaze softened.

"Don't tell me you still buy those-"

"I still love you."

Suddenly, the whole world went quiet and you feel all choked up – remembering the self-sacrificing Jay that you hurt from years ago. Truth is, it was only after Jay left to the US years ago that you belatedly realise how your feelings for Jay all those while also went beyond friendship norms. It took you his absence to realise and confront but by then, it was far too late and you eventually accepted that letting him go was your biggest life regret.

But here he was, standing before you, professing how his feelings had never dimmed. How he still loved you. You knew the you from years ago would have immediately jumped into his arms, telling him how you were sorry for being so negligent and ignorant of his feelings and of depriving him of his too from your side. Unfortunately, as if the stars are never aligned for you both, it was too late this time too.

"There you are."

You two whipped your head towards the direction of the voice and you found your boyfriend, Sunghoon, standing by the door, "I was starting to get worried when I couldn't find you anywhere inside-" he muttered softly as he took his blazers off and wrapped it over your exposed shoulders, knowing how susceptible you are to the cold. He snaked his hand over your waist, pulling you close towards him possessively. You could see the surprise and confusion in Jay's eyes and it was starting to gnaw you from inside.

"Jay is it? I've heard a lot about you," Sunghoon smiled amicably as he turned his attention to Jay and offered his hand. Jay, always so amiable and diplomatic returned the gesture, smiling and shaking his hand firmly, "Yes. It's nice to meet you. I must have been gone for too long, I didn't know you two have become an item."

You swallowed thickly. To anyone, that voice and the gaze may have looked normal but as someone who knew him well, you could hear the sadness and dismay in his tone and gaze. "We've been together for two years now," Sunghoon gave you a slight squeeze, "actually, we should all go out together sometime. I am pretty sure there are a lot of things you could tell me about her since you two were best friends for a long time."

"yeah, we were indeed best friends for a long time," he beamed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he shot you his signature soft gaze, "I'm just happy that she is in good hands now."

Not long after, as Sunghoon ushered you back inside with him to catch the Executive Director's closing speech, you turned around briefly to bid Jay goodbye. He was still staring at you while leaning back against the bannister and as you met his eyes, his lips curved into the softest, most genuine smile though the glistening eyes told you otherwise. As if registering your guilt, he mouthed, "I'm happy for you," with a hand on his chest as if to emphasize it. 

That expression and gesture would forever haunt you – resurfacing during the midnights when you tossed and turned, serving like living reminder how you had hurt someone who has been nothing but kind, generous and loving to you, not once, but twice.

#Enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypenwriters #enhypen jay #enhypen jay imagines #Park Jay #Enhypen scenarios #enhypen fluff #kpop imagines #Jay imagines #Jay scenarios #enhypen jay scenarios #kpop scenarios #Enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen as songs #Spotify #enhypen angst

[talisidekick]

My life is on Tumblr. Not all of it, but enough. Why? Because I finally broke out of the illusion I made for myself growing up. I felt like a monster because thats how I was told to feel for feeling what I felt, and so I lied to myself until I believed I didn't feel the things I did. It was a self-made, bunker thick, mysoginistic and misandristic shell of toxicity that made me miserable for the purposes of others convenience in upholding a fantasy world of simplicity. Upon rediscovering truth and having to face all I'd lost in making unappreciated sacrifices, I started to learn how to reclaim and rebuild myself. I want to show people it's okay to be yourself. That being transgender doesn't make you inherently evil. That I, at the end of today, am human, a person, like any of you.

I've shared my thoughts, my frustrations, some of my joys, my hardships. I've made statement pieces, analysis, and even science posts. I've, on occasion, written papers on here with citations/links to my sources. I've put a sizeable amount of time and energy into letting everyone on this site into my life in some small way to combat the idolization and demonization political actors on the local, provinicial/state/territorial, national, and global stage are doing to transgender people. Because the term "transgender" is not synonymous, a thesaurical equivalent, or a replacement for the words "predator", "pedophile", "rapist", "adulterer", "monster", "assaulter", "victim", or "survivor" to name a few. It means "to identify as any gender other than the one assigned at birth". Thats it. Someone could literally decide "I'm just not the gender the doctor said I was" or "I'm not just what the doctor said I was" or " I'm just me" and that's enough. Those are people you know, love, talked to, interact with, laughed with, but maybe also argued with, had a heated discussion with, fought with, or got mad at in traffic for not using a turn signal to change lanes (we've all done it by mistake). Transgender people are just people. Capable of making mistakes, helping others, needing help, and fucking up like everyone else. We all make bad calls, and stupid decisions. We learn, we correct, we hold eachother accountable.

Logging in today to see a long-standing transgender persons blog getting nuked for the either the stupidest idle threat ever made (or so thats the official reason by the Tumblr CEO) or for simply being transgender (as other and numerous members of the public claim) has made me personally a bit wary. The way I see it, it's both. An idle threat was made to a Tumblr executive and because of the prejudice thats become common place world wide, Tumblrs CEO felt vindicated in going to the excessive lengths of full account deactivation on a transgender persons blog. It's absolutely expected to have a zero-tolerance policy on issuing threats, especially to staff. It's not okay in an online forum of supposed neutrality to utterly silence a person completely without fair warning of a Terms of Service failure and a chance to remove, redact, or re-edit a response. We ALL get heated, even myself, and do stupid things in a reactionary moment of passion. What the issue here is, is the disproportionate response. Given I and numerous other transgender people have recieved threats, those on our very lives in fact, which have gone completely ignored, why is there suddenly a zero-tolerance immediate ban policy on a threat that was, in comparison, the kind of insult you'd expect from a grumpy five-year-old?

I see why this is blowing up, because it's a clear display of power privilege. And rather than going through the established review path, as far as anyone can tell, this was a direct response. This sends, whether intentional or not, a clear message: if you're transgender, you're on thin ice here. And it's not just transgender people and queer and cisgender allies who are getting the message. The transphobes, the so called 'gender critical' crowd, the terfs, are seeing it too. That is why I'm calling for Predesterone's account, all associate blogs, be reinstantiated.

The constant misgendering, libel, misinformation, verbal violence, abuse, and conjecture transgender people of all identities face on this site without any reprocussion to those responsible has, for a long while, helped set a clear standard that users of this platform are afforded the privilege of a degree of disrespect towards marginalized groups and minorities. Ableists attack the disabled and neurodivergent, Nazi's attack Jews, Transphobes attack Transgender people, homophobes attack the gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, and racists attack people of colour with -very- little the victims of such hate can do to make it stop. The bigots know this. And this ... this is going to make it worse. Bigots are going to try and instigate harsh responses from minority groups with the intent of forcing queer people and other minority groups off Tumblr. It has already begun in the reblogs of several posts like this one directed at transgender people. Predestrogen is already getting misgendered and disrespected outside the scope of the issue. Conjecture is already being made enmasse.

I'm on Tumblr because Reddit and Twitter were too unsafe. I'm not on any other blogging sites because Tumblr has, for the moment, a supportive queer community. That can change, given this whole situation has been done in such a way that it's being interpreted on all sides as an attack on transgender people.

Tumblr has no obligation to listen to me or others, but Tumblr has always struggled to get by, and I have to ask: is one persons dumb 'threat' really the spark you want to make to get people to leave. Is becoming a truly unprofitable cesspit and hate-haven like Twitter what's desired? Because this is the exact kind of rallying cry to make if you do.

I'm adding my voice to this. Bring back predesterone, this response is out of proportion. No, the CEO does not deserve to be threatened to have hammers thrown at his car until it explodes, or whatever. The point has been made: DO NOT THREATEN TUMBLR STAFF. But neither does a long-standing account deserve to be wiped off the face of Tumblr permanently for a blog post that is so benign compared to what the average transgender site user has to deal with on a regular basis with no recourse. Someone threatened to actually shoot me, kill me, if I was walking down the sidewalk and they saw me, and that post is still up and so is the account despite being reported. It's been 2-3 months or more. If I'm expected to stomach that, you can stomach someone saying they'll throw hammers at your car from a person who in all likelyhood is paying so much into transition she can't afford to buy one tiny kids-sized hammer. The person who threatened me actually openly admits to already owning guns.

#predesterone #trans #transgender #talisidekick #talisidekick things #2slgbtqia+ #lgbtqia+ #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #Love Every Trans Woman You Meet Before It's Too Late

[echo-rambles]

Fuck it- it's fine!

words: 1830 summary: inspired by the general vibe of bad idea right? by olivia rodrigo. tags: past established relationship, ex-boyfriend bang chan, best friend felix, suggestive content but nothing explicit note: first ever reader insert fic I've written! that's probably why it's pretty introspective and there's not much chan. I just wanted to get the feeling of writing reader insert so I hope it's not too terrible! please enjoy~

-o0o-

To be completely fair, you were the one who messaged him first. Could it be seen as slightly desperate? Maybe. But in your defense, you were pretty drunk and left unsupervised.

That doesn’t mean it’s not a complete shock to your system when you wake up the next morning and notice that he messaged you back. Which, ok. What an absolutely wild turn of events seeing as how he’s meant to be the mature adult of the relationship. (his words, thrown out midst argument) 

Once you blink away the hungover fog and wade through the low lying panic, you find it a little funny, actually. Your text, the first between the two of you in months, is embarrassing and filled with a few too many emojis- it’s the epitome of a drunk text to your ex who you might have been missing at the peak of your intoxication. 

The funny part is that he had texted back, playing into your theatrics. Maybe it’s not funny in a haha way. Maybe it’s funny in an ironic sort of way. The guy that once told you that you’re incredibly impulsive and never think things through, replying to you and not even scolding you. 

Ok, so maybe he was a little bit correct and you are impulsive, because the next thing you know your fingers are tapping away at your phone screen and you're replying to his reply as if this is something the two of you still do. There’s been a whole lot of maybes filling up your head far too early in the morning, but maybe this could be something you two do. Like, maybe it can become normal again. 

>I hope you’re drinking water to combat all the vodka you must have drank to use seven whole emojis in a row. 

<I demolished an entire water bottle when I got home last night but sadly it wasn’t enough to save me 

You’ve crawled your way out of bed and are in the middle of trying to wash up to feel human again when your phone buzzes. Thankfully you’re alone in your bathroom or else it would be embarrassing how quickly you check who the new text is from.

Before you can unlock your phone and reply to the notif saying something about ‘RIP you should’ve drank three…’ another message pops up, staring at you from the lock screen, half of the message fading off in an ellipses. 

You still have his contact saved. Somehow that’s the first thing you think, so incredibly belatedly. In your defense you thought deleting it would be stupid, seeing as how you share friends and what if Felix was in trouble and the only way anyone could reach you was through your ex-boyfriend? It’s a flimsy excuse but you clung to it at the time. 

For a while his contact was changed to HEARTBREAKER, all in caps with broken heart emojis book ending it. At some point you changed it again, hating the reminder the name would elicit every time you scrolled past it. It just made you feel bad, to be honest. Not in a guilt way, but in the way of it settling all weird in your stomach. 

So now he’s filed under a very polite and professional Bang Christopher Chan. It feels safer this way. The least amount of intimacy possible. 

Looking at it now, knowing that there’s multiple messages attached to it because you were drunk and then half asleep and he’s apparently a child who can’t just ignore you- it feels like a stupidly personal inside joke. Which is stupid. It’s his name. 

>I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if we c…

This is not something you can read by yourself while still hungover and sleepy. Absolutely not. Any sort of question he has will have to be dealt with once you’ve consumed a sufficient amount of caffeine. 

“What do you think it says?” You ask, a little bit later after your second cup of coffee. 

Felix barely even moves his head from where it’s resting against the table. He’s clearly just as hungover as you are, but you feel like you’re in the middle of making a very bad decision and you need a second opinion. You shimmy your phone under the seam where his forehead meets the wood. 

With a little pout and deep groan, he’s shifting around and waking up your phone to stare at the lock screen. The silence stretches on as he stares, blinks, and blinks some more. With a start, he’s sitting up straight, pulling the phone closer. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to talk to him-”

“I’m aware of what I said! But that was also like, months ago, and we’re both totally over it-”

“It felt like you two went through a divorce, I don’t know if a few months is long enough-”

“I’m over it!” You proclaim, a little loudly. A little desperately. “And he is too if he’s talking to me.” 

Felix says your name, with that specific tone like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. So, like a normal, emotionally stable adult, you completely ignore him and instead scoop up your phone. Suddenly the nerves over wondering exactly what Chan wanted to ask you have been replaced with a confidence only born from needing a distraction. 

Finally, you read the text he sent. 

>I know this is last minute, but I was wondering if we could maybe grab lunch? Or, if you’re still too hungover for lunch, maybe something later? 

Oh. Definitely the beginning of a very bad idea. 

<you paying??

>Of course I am >When was the last time you paid?

Uncalled for, but also completely fair.

<then sure count me in

It all feels way too easy. Like the last few months have just been- what, erased? Ignored? Boxed away so you can talk about it later? But hey, that’s a problem for the future version of yourself. 

“Did you just agree to spend time with him?” Felix asks, because of course he does. Are you really that predictable? 

“Maybe.”

Shaking his head, Felix sits back in his seat. “You know I love you both, but I don’t know if this is a great idea.”

“It doesn’t have to be romantic! We’re just meeting up, like friends do.” The silence is practically palpable. “We can be friends! We’re both adults- we can totally be friends.” 

Felix gives you possibly the most pitying look you’ve ever seen on his angelic little face.

-o0o-

Ok. Maybe you can’t be friends. The two of you started off as friends, definitely. You built your whole relationship off of being friends. But somewhere along the way something got all gummed up. Being together dissolved into months of barely even talking to each other. 

You were hoping that could change tonight. After getting all dressed up- because you wanted to feel pretty and you couldn’t remember the last time you got dressed up, thank you very much Minho. With his judging eyebrow and the way he clicked his tongue when you told him about the text messages and your dinner plans. Just because you were meeting up with someone who you used to give hickeys to had nothing to do with the dress you wore. 

(it absolutely did but no one had the right to know.)

It started off as just something casual. Stilted awkward conversation as you both tried to remember how to be civil around each other. It came a lot easier to Chan, as always. But you missed this. You missed being in the same space as him and hearing his voice and god Felix was right, you’re so incredibly weak. 

You wanted to try and be friends again so badly. But you were absolutely lying to yourself, big time, because the second that he smiled- that small little smile where he ducks his head and bites at his lip, oh you were gone. 

Currently you’re being pinned to the wall with his tongue down your throat and you can’t really think straight. 

Somehow you went from a casual get together to this. Attacking each other's faces like starving animals who haven’t eaten in weeks. It’d be embarrassing if it weren’t for the way Chan is so clearly feeling the exact same things you are. Your hands are running through his hair and his hands are anchored to your hips, and he still tastes the same. He still makes the same little noises when you drag your teeth along the edge of his jaw. 

It’s so fucking familiar and you already feel like you could drown in it. 

You should probably talk about this. The making out, yes, absolutely, but also the last few months and the texts and him asking to see you out of the blue. It should be talked about, right? Except what would you even say? You’ll just rehash the same things you’ve been saying. You felt ignored and he felt suffocated and you could never find a way to meet in the middle because you’re both stubborn. 

You should say something though, right? Right? 

The press of his hand against the dip of your waist, pulling you closer, has you losing any semblance of what language even is. Words? Who needs them? He’s hooking his other hand behind your knee and hiking it up, guiding you to wrap your leg around him, and really all you can think about is how you aren’t close enough.

You sneak your fingers up under the hem of his shirt, feeling the expanse of his skin, and the sound of the breathiest gasp leaving his lips settles along the curve of your spine. 

“Is this a bad idea?” You ask, once you remember how to use words. 

He stops short, as if he’s just remembered not only did he leave the oven on but he also left incredibly flammable items near it. A little shocked and worried and second guessing. Which, you’re not really sure what sort of reaction you were hoping for but you should have expected this at the least. He’s a chronic over-thinker sometimes. 

It’s fine, it’s cute even. When it’s not annoying you to no end. Sometimes you need his specific brand of cautious energy, a voice helping you recognize when something actually is a terrible idea because you didn’t realize before he pointed it out. Other times, like now, you already know the answer to your own question and you seriously do not need him to answer. It was rhetorical, thank you very much. 

“Um, well- I-” He stumbles over his sentence, breathing hard and face flushed.

“Nevermind, don’t answer that. Just kiss me.” 

Thankfully Bang Chan is very good at going along with your bad ideas. 

You can deal with whatever all of this means after. Right now, the both of you are wearing far too much clothing and you need to fix that immediately. 

#stray kids #skz #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #echo writes #I actually had a lot of fun writing this #maybe I'll make a part 2 or write something else if i get inspired! #i promise bang chan is my bias vgkjdfkfjgd