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thevindicativevordan · 3 years

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On Maxima

Every time DC wants to put Supes in a relationship with someone other than Lois, I always wonder why they don't just go with Maxima.

Especially since she's basically what they turn Diana into every time they try to hook the two of them up. Why not just go with the actual Superman Rogue/supporting character who is also a warrior-queen? Who is already almost as violent as she is horny, forcing Clark to try to get her to chill out, even as he's tempted to join her? If it isn't already clear, I like Maxima. Her character archetype, the supervillainess who tempts the hero with sex appeal, is one that's pretty damn popular for obvious reasons. Also for obvious reasons, this kind of character can provoke a backlash nowadays.

Personally I think she can still work just fine, she just needs some revamp. The basics of her character and backstory are still solid and offer storytelling potential. She's the Queen of the alien Empire of Almerac. Maxima is drawn to Superman because of his power. The real big fix is changing why she's attracted to his power, and why she came to Earth in the first place, shifting it away from eugenics to something else.

What I'd Do With Maxima

So I'm going to take some cues from the DCAU incarnation of Maxima in that the reason she seeks Superman out is because she's been deposed.

DCAU Maxima got deposed after she met Superman, but she lost her throne because her people judged her too self-absorbed and immature to lead them. Which she totally was, and changing that formed the crux of her character development over the course of the episode. I'd take a similar route with reworking comics Maxima's backstory.

Maxima has just taken the throne when the Interstellar Empire of Almerac comes under the assault of Mongul of Warworld. Crushing Almerac's defenses, Mongul gives the world an ultimatum: Turn over a selection of their greatest fighters to fight for Almerac's continued right to exist in Mongul's gladiator arenas or he'll reduce the entire planet to ashes. He also demands a sizeable portion of the population be turned over as slaves tasked with keeping Warworld running, and he wants Maxima to be among those slaves as a symbol of Mongul's authority over Almerac. Maxima angrily refuses, but her people don't trust in her leadership on account of her youth and immaturity, and Maxima is overthrown. She's handed over for transport to Warworld, but while en route she breaks free and seizes control of the transport. Alone and without allies, Maxima sets a course for Earth to seek out the one person she's heard is a match for the Lord of Warworld: Superman.

Only interested at first in his power, and planning to use and dispose of him afterwards, Maxima at first presents herself to Clark as a potential mate. Her hope is that will entice him to support her on what could be a suicide mission, and that offering power and wealth via marriage will cement his loyalty. Being betrayed by her subjects still stings her though she takes great pains to pretend otherwise. Superman turns down the marriage offer, but agrees to follow her to take down Mongul and free Almerac. The two travel back to Almerac which is in the midst of choosing who will fight on Warworld. Clark pretends to be a native of Almerac and is chosen as one of the champions. Initially planning to stay on Almerac and purge those who betrayed her while Clark fights on Warworld, Maxima chooses to give herself up to Mongul, after he announces that he will be vaporizing an entire continent as punishment for the Almeracans failure to turn her over to him. Amused at her compassion for those who betrayed her, Mongul adds Maxima to the roster of gladiators, and she departs with Clark to the arenas.

Over the course of a series of battles, Maxima and Clark butt heads, watch each other's backs, and gradually fall in love with each other. Maxima admires Clark's resolve, restraint, and maturity, traits she's forced to admit she lacked. She's skeptical of his idealism however, seeing it as a flaw that undermines his effectiveness, particularly when it comes to killing. Clark admires Maxima's passion, bravery, and refusal to settle for anything less than the best in anyone including herself. All traits that make him ponder if perhaps she does have it in her to be a good leader. He dislikes her arrogance and entitlement however, particularly when it comes to her royal right to rule. A frequent source of fights between the two is whether the common person should have any voice in government with Maxima scoffing at that and point at how the mob gave in to Mongul, with Clark countering that Almeracans had long felt unheard and cut off from their rulers. Obviously that they're both super hot doesn't hurt as part of why they end up sleeping together.

Ultimately through a series of events Superman and Maxima succeed in freeing Almerac and driving Mongul away. Then everything promptly goes to hell. Having fallen for Clark for real over the course of their adventure, Maxima repeats her offer to him of marriage, except genuinely this time.

The two have had sex a couple times already, and Clark is genuinely tempted at the prospect of sticking with Maxima. He's grown to enjoy her company (having sex tends to do that), he enjoys the freedom to be himself without having to hide his powers, the Almeracans embrace him as their champion, and as Maxima's consort he could take an active hand in shaping society. At the point in Clark's career where I'd want to do this story, he's growing out of his youthful rage, but he's still not at peace with his lot in life. Earth's inability to meaningfully change at the pace he wants frustrates him, and leaving behind the restrictions of life there does entice him. My point is that I think the appeal of Maxima to Superman should and can be more than just breeding little Clarks as has been the case in the past.

However Clark ultimately rejects the offer. He can't bring himself to cut ties with Earth, Maxima's unwillingness to cede some of her power to her people isn't something Clark can accept, and Clark is also concerned that taking up her offer would compromise his ability to be a hero. As you would expect, Maxima is pissed at his refusal, treating it as another stab in the back. Due to his help in freeing her people and reclaiming her throne, she spares his life but exiles him from Almerac, declaring him persona non grata throughout the Empire.

Unbeknownst to Clark, who leaves after it's made clear the Almeracans don't want a civil war, Maxima is pregnant with his child. The child allows her to avoid entering into a political marriage, maintaining her independence since she now has a heir. This daughter will be groomed in hidden to take over the Empire, which Maxima now has plans to expand. The humiliation Mongul visited upon Almerac has had a big impact on her mindset. Now she's focused on eliminating any potential threats to her people, and she wants to transform Almerac into the greatest Interstellar Empire in the Milky Way. Then it will never be at the mercy of a foreign power ever again.

For stories, Superman and Maxima are clearly going to clash given she's become an imperialist herself, no better than Mongul. You can tell stories about Clark foiling Maxima's attempts to conquer other worlds, or Earth itself. Maxima would occasionally dispatch assassins or go personally to attack Clark, for the purpose of preventing him from getting "soft". The public reason for this is that he's become a roadblock to her aims, and needs to be eliminated. Secretly, her goal is to constantly push him to be stronger because she wants him to meet his daughter one day. Not for any sentimental reasons mind you, Maxima wants Superman to teach their daughter to be his equal in ability and resourcefulness. After learning everything she can from Clark, said daughter will be charged with leading the invasion of Earth. Conquering Earth, and defeating Superman, will be the girl's rite of passage into cementing herself as Maxima's heir. The world of her father, Superman, is destined to be her own Throneworld as Almerac's is Maxima's.

Think you could have a lot of fun in giving Clark a "Damian" of his own to deal with. Personally I'd have it so that the "daughter" would be akin to the New 52 Maxima who I thought had some potential. You could have Maxima and Maxima Jr. argue about the morality of Almerac's expansion, with MJ ultimately taking her father's side which causes enormous problems for her mother since she can't disown her daughter without a replacement heir. I think that could be a fun family dynamic to explore.

Wondering where Maxima will show up next. Part of me was hoping Almerac was that part of underdeveloped Superman lore PKJ talked about fleshing out, but that seems to be either Warworld or the Phantom Zone. I still think Maxima and Almerac have a lot of potential to be major players in Superman's world, but it's going to take someone being interested in fleshing them out. Maybe the upcoming Superman cartoon will accomplish that? If not I'll just have to hope someone will down the line.

#superman #maxima #mongul #dc comics

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nanakah · 3 years

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about Ishigami, his growth and Miko's role

most people, myself included, thought at some point that Tsubame's rejection (or acceptance) could wrap up Ishigami's arc and even his past's flashbacks neatly, but Osaragi's arc suddenly revealing there was more to his relationship with Miko made me reflect more and think nah...if anything we're halfway there. It also showed glimpses of him already struggling to find his place in the world by quitting his clubs, even though he was successful at them and there was no Ootomo incident yet to undermine his self-image.

It seemed odd that despite everything he went through he still has his "hair=shield/averting eyes" theme going strong, but it makes sense if you consider even though Tsubame helped him see the way to be more accepting of people and cleared his name, his self-esteem still is super low. I spoke of this in my "sutera" meta, but to Ishigami, his life still has been a sucession of failures and almosts. At his core, he still hasn't fully opened up to people or learned to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage.

If I have grabbed your interest thus far, keep reading for more considerations!

Tsubame is kind to anyone and attempted to do good for him, but ultimately he was never fully himself around her, nor she tried/he alllowed her reaching out to the deepest parts of his insecurities. She doesn't show her own flaws to him either and to this day we get the feeling we don't know her well, just the best parts that Ishigami wanted to see. Kaguya, Miyuki and Chika contribute a lot in a sibling-like way, but there's a limit to how much Kaguya in particular can inspire him. Miko however, has scratched a little beneath the surface and has expressed an interest in helping him with that, even if he himself is still avoiding the topic. She's also more relatable to him in the sense that the rest of the stuco has a history of successes in their lives, while he was able to watch Miko's hardships and failures closely. Their panic attacks even look similar and they're always watching the other to provide backup (in a very roundabout way, at least before) when they happen.

While their personalities are fundamentally different, his arc and struggles remind me a lot of Miyamura from Horimiya and today, as I was musing on what is so different about them as of now, I believe it's how Miyamura didn't have a single *traumatic* mistake to get over, so he goes down his development road much faster. Putting it another way, it's ultimately that Ishigami hasn't yet learned to be kind to himself like Miyamura has through Hori. Like Shirogane and Kaguya are through themselves. In Miyamura's case, sympathizing with how Hori despite her strong exterior can be very fragile inside but still support him (fight for him, defend him, accept his true self, not judge him, hear him, make him feel good enough) made him feel compelled to grow stronger to protect her back.

Miko as she was at the beggining of the story couldn't provide Ishigami this sort of stability (and that's where Osaragi's "prettier story"/"you weren't there for him" reasoning fails) even if deep down she wanted to, but now after making many mistakes, learning from them and becoming more flexible, she absolutely can. Both Ishigami and Miko have deeply rooted issues that took them more than just each other to flesh out and develop, but they're very much the missing puzzle piece the other needs.

Miko still very much has room for growth as well, mainly concerning finding a middle ground between her "bad girl" and "good girl" personas that Ishigami can easily see through, as demonstrated by the consolation chapter. She tried being "bad", she attempted lying but was still saying half-truths, because her love of justice isn't just out of parental abandonment issues or loneliness - she does believe them sincerely. The moment Ishigami headpated her and shared genuine, spot-on words of concern and admiration (thus a hint of fondness), it was all over for her trying to keep up the love-warfare upper hand.

That's not actually new - Ishigami has always demonstrated he was able to see glimpses of her true self, be it teasing how she's an otaku or a closet pervert and such, he never fully bought the strait-laced image she aspired to make real. But it did take him being around her more to see she could be sweet to him and as he puts it, that smiling more is not a bad look on her. Miko says to Osaragi your true self only comes through interacting with others, so given how lonely she has always been (and how the one person close to her - Osaragi - was actually keeping things between them superficial because of her own problems), it's no surprise she's only finding out now who she is. Ishigami can help Miko find a better compromise of good/bad after both not following any rules at all for so long and recently learning that hard work can pay off. Miko immersing herself in his hobby will clash with her rigid study schedule sooner or later, and he'll know how to help her with that better than anyone else.

On the other hand, Ishigami's moral compass, romanticism (love for flowers, planing dates etc) and idealism aren't things he is proud of...yet. He protects himself with layers of cynism, especially in his first appearances, but he is always being contradictory and letting it slip how idealistic/pure he is at heart. He also is only now learning to like his outward image with things like fitness/studying and finding out it's not like he never cared about it - it's just that he was scared shitless of failure, thus never even tried hard in the first place to avoid being hurt. And as I have advocated for in the Sutera post, I expect Miko in some level to help him come to terms with seeing good in himself. Heck, even being able to game with her now and showing off how good he is and having her appreciate it is gonna do wonders to make him feel more "adequate". Tsubame's arc had a lot of him changing himself to become "better", but Miko on the other hand is trying to put herself in HIS shoes to maybe go "hey, I like you as you are. I'm trying to understand you more and put effort in for you".

Ishigami and Miko start out watching out for each other behind their backs - which instead of helping their relationship, drives them further apart because they think the other side is showing no appreciation. As the story progresses, they're slowly learning to make each other more aware of their support, and it is making them open up more in general.

They have a strong belief the other wants to be rescued and there is truth in that. Both want help and to be recognized for their efforts, but won't cry out for it. In the unplugged earbuds chapter Ishigami takes it upon himself to protect Miko's reputation in spite of himself, the election arc has him actually putting effort into the campaign just for the sake of protecting her and at first posing as a rival of hers to Shirogane only to reveal he's trying to "make Miko smile", he is constantly fending off men from interacting with her as protection (while also sounding jealous), he was way more protective of her when she was wearing that cast than needed and is now being able to openly headpat her and sounds almost like her "soothing sounds" from the days of yore lol Sure Tsubame seems like his start to becoming "a better man", but all the way back on the election, it was for Miko's sake that we first SEE him putting effort into *anything* without being coerced by anyone to take action.

And while it's more discreet compared to Ishigami's "white knight" attitude, Miko also tries hard to protect him - cheering him on during the sports festival race and wanting to console him before the stuco intervened, telling him he should study (but he thinks it's just nagging), christmas (which I'll elaborate bellow), making sure he was able to graduate middle school by actually confronting school staff and, of course, their very first meeting as recently revealed.

Many people hated the entirety of Osaragi's arc, but 232 gave very juicy info indeed. Ishigami's reason for supporting Miko from the shadows comes from admiration AND part gratitude for her attempting to talk to him and listen to what troubles him, and seeing they actually had a "falling out" argument was game changing.

He looks sad and troubled to have shut her down there, not simply angry, and so does she (there's tears in her eyes when her face is shown in the next page) - despite her black and white sense of justice at this point of the story, she still wanted to listen to him. And even after that outburst she still believed the rumors weren't real, unlike Osaragi sees it - otherwise she wouldn't have made the effort for him to be able to move on to high school. Why would she care, if she truly hated him and thought he was in the wrong?

If any further proof was needed at all that this info is important, I'm happy to say we have more. I noticed the Christmas stairs scene mirrors this exact falling out moment: "Go away"/"Suit yourself"

But this time Miko had already decided to change, had already seen the mess their relationship became the last time she did not reach out to him and thus already had their previous falling out in mind - meaning she decides to chase after him.

I don't like how the scanlations handled this scene because reading the japanese raws, my interpretation was that Miko was sounding "annoying" because she was still kinda drunk/unfiltered and freaking out when talking to Ishigami, not outright berating him like the Jaimini's box translation made it look like. She also sounds too angry after the fall, so I generally thought Viz's version (the panel shown above) was closer to the original.

"I always have to take care of you! You keep putting youself in danger. You can't make it on your own." is a better translation than Jaimini's, and also parallels better what Ishigami is often telling Miko as well (That she keeps putting herself in danger and that he has to be around to keep her in check). But with 232 in mind, I think it misses a nuance of the original line: "ほんとあんたは私が居ないと危なっかしく駄目ね" - "Honto anta wa watashi ga inaito abunakkashiku dame ne" - while I'm a novice at japanese studies, gathering from what I can read and trying to get a feel of the whole sentence, it's closer to "So it really is dangerous to you if I'm not there/ It's no good if I'm not around you". You can take that as her being full of herself, which is the route Jaimini's goes ("You'd be screwed without me") but that's too hostile - Viz's got the spirit of wanting to protect him better, but the original has an implication that she has "tested not being there"/failed being there before (due to not fully siding with him in middle school) that's absent elsewhere.

IMO the reason Ishigami's "closed his eyes" arc is not over yet is because he hasn't accepted or gotten over or fully learned from his past yet, he simply shut it down. That's why briefly during the sports festival his eyes are in plain view, then go back to their usual for the balloon gag. I'm not sure if Ootomo herself will make a comeback, may or may not - regrets are regrets and sometimes the only solution to them is letting them stay in the past. But the topic of how he saw Miko in middle school and the letter certainly are being set up to still show up in the story.

If I compare him to Miyamura again, he'd still be at the point before Miyamura's haircut - not wanting to face the parts of himself he doesn't like, not quite ready to change. Not quite ready to patch up his own wounds yet and instead silencing everything from his past.

In this sense, Miko does wonders to make him feel more confident even if he hasn't realized it yet, and she's always dropping little hints she'd like him to worry about his future not in a naggy way, but because she genuinely prays for his success. He unconsciously wants Miko to think well of him and it fills him with confidence and a more prideful image of himself he doesn't really display to anyone else, not even Tsubame - like his usages of "ore" (a more manly/confident way of addressing himself) around her (AND HER ALONE):

( I don't like the available translations to the staircase scene either, lol. Zaibatsu has conveyed the tone of the second scene up there perfectly. For the staircase line, I've seen "I'll be there to catch you" and "I'll save you" which are contextually correct, but to me the original "俺が絶対守る" - "I (ore) will absolutely protect you" carries a much more romantic nuance or ambiguity, regardless of him realizing it at that point. It's like, the title to one of the most romantic moments/songs in the CCS Clear card anime ost, for instance. OF COURSE MIKO LOVES HIM. The narrator doesn't overexplain or take apart Ishimiko's interactions like for Prezguya, but all the evidence needed is there. And I gotta add the very next chapter to the staircase one is the "eternal love" x "real love" I'm super fond of that says fate is irrelevant and to find real love you must use your head to realize/understand things, so makes the romantic subtext even greater.)

This whole affair is also making me open my eyes that I should try to study japanese more...of course I'm happy to have translations and scanlators working hard, but there is something inherently lost in adaptations because it robs you of connecting with the author's intentions unless it was the author who wrote the translation in the first place

Thinking back on Ishigami's early "i wanna die/i'm going home/don't look at me" role, it seems unbelievable we're at the point he's now able to directly confront a "stranger" (lololol) or make serious promises with so much confidence.

PLEASE DON'T END SO SOON MANGA, I NEED MORE.

( off-topic kind of, but i'm lazy to make a separate post just for it: Since I mentioned things lost in translation, I saw something on Discord about Ishigami having an unreliable narrator moment in the "compliments" chapter/Iino Miko cannot love part 4 and holy molly, it is true. He first says something akin to "You're just too beautiful" out of context, Miko HEARS IT - and that's why she looks so shocked before asking for clarification - and he DID SAY IT in the speech bubble, but after she's nice to him and he thinks back to what he said he adds a "Your handwriting is just too beautiful" to his flashback. I'm ONTO HIM. ONTO HIM I SAY. It is what he meant, but it's like his mouth betrayed him. Whether it's unconscious or denial...it totally is something. The scanlation completely skips this and had the same line both times it's mentioned.)

#kaguya-sama #kaguya-sama spoilers #meta #ishigami yu #yu ishigami #ishimiko #it's ishigami focused but i'd be a dirty liar to say i'm not at least a lil bit biased #longpost #spoilers #yes i am an overthinker and overanalyzer did u notice #horimiya spoilers #yeah i kinda mentioned miyamura lol #i'm not even procrastinating anything this time i just rly care for them #kaguya-sama meta #this is a clown here that procrastinated 3 months to write a thesis but is churning out meta after meta for manga #plz forgive typos i'm still lazy to spellcheck this one lol #ishiino #ishigami using ore again to invite miko to the dance makes this post qualify for fridge brilliance now

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 15)

I'm posting this on time! Yay! I'll try to be timely tomorrow as well. Be patient with me if I can't ;-;

This will be the final part of the New Year's Arc. Natsume and his friends reunite and fight to save Aoi. Unfortunately, this fight will take a victim, and for once it's not Natsume.

Chapter Sixty-Six

We see Natsume again, still in a stand-off with Yakumo. Things change, however, when Nobara “wakes up” in a trance. All thoughts of getting Natsume out of the dungeon are gone from her mind now. She’s just another of Persona’s weapons, ready to fulfill her orders without any pesky hesitation or guilt.

And even later, when Mikan rejoins the group, we can see that Natsume is guarding his friends with his alice while Nobara’s rages on. He suggests he and Mikan work together to stop Nobara. He can use his alice to protect them from the ice, and she can use hers to stop Nobara’s alice completely. It’s interesting that Natsume has gotten to such a nonviolent point. He doesn’t even like Nobara, since she’s a teacher’s pet and he doesn’t trust her at all. But he knows she doesn’t mean any ill will and it’s not her fault that she’s attacking them now. He could think first of trying to attack her, but it would be much safer for her if Mikan simply nullified her instead.

He’s come such a long way, from attacking Hotaru and Iinchou so Mikan would spill her alice to now choosing a less violent approach to tackling a person who should be an ally. Now, he won’t be nonviolent in every regard, and there’s little reason he should be, but moments like this are noteworthy. Even more, he’s the one to suggest to Mikan that they work together. They could be a team, like she’d wanted in the Z Arc. They could work together to beat Nobara, and Natsume is willing to admit he won’t be able to do it alone. Ultimately, he’s asking for help, and Natsume never does that.

"Let's do it together," because he can finally ask for help.

But really, for Mikan, it doesn’t take much effort at all. In fact, Mikan uses her nullification to get Nobara entirely out of the trance in no time at all. Nobara runs away, ashamed, and Persona emerges from the woodwork, irritated that he has to do all the work himself.

Mikan breaks Nobara out of it without any help, all on her own. It's foreshadowing for all Mikan will do by herself in the rest of this fight. Natsume wants to work together, but he would never want her to take on everything by herself.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Persona’s presence has only inspired anger. Natsume attempts to attack him, but he’s no match against Persona when he’s carrying Nobara’s alice stone as protection. Persona then informs Natsume that he’s lost the deal. After all, Rui and Hayate weren’t defeated by him, rather by the people who followed after him. Therefore, Natsume won’t be allowed to leave the dungeon or ever see his sister again.

Despite all his best efforts, he's failed. All these risks he's taken in the past two days have been for nothing, have even caused more of a mess. And if he's stuck in a dungeon, not only will he truly never be able to save Aoi, but he won't be able to see Mikan or Ruka either. It's not like Persona doesn't have the power to do this, either. This is a genuine threat, and if he and his friends lose here, then Natsume will be screwed for good.

Mikan stands up for Natsume, but Persona attacks her, only stopped by one of Ruka’s mice, who quickly demonstrates what happens when someone is caught by Persona’s alice, the touch of death or corrosion alice. Only Natsume (and we, the readers) knew what his alice was prior to this, and it creates a new atmosphere of danger. Getting hit could get you killed. Any misstep could be deadly.

Something interrupts the fight, though. Aoi is shuffling down the hall, gripping the walls since she is blind.

She calls out to Persona, to Mikan, to the very few people she’s had in her life for the past two and a half years.

This is the first time Natsume has seen her in just as long, and he calls out to her. He wasn't supposed to see her. This was a trap, after all, and he'd been told he'd never see her again. To be able to see her despite that is excellent luck (and because of Mikan's help). He nearly can't believe that it's really happening. What follows should be a dramatic and emotional reunion. Sadly, that's not the way it goes.

Natsume failed Aoi so much. Look what he's done. She's blind and has amnesia all because of him.

He approaches, but before he can reach her, she asks nervously who he is. She's blind, so there's no way she'd recognize his face, but she can't place his voice either. It's like a sucker-punch, not being remembered at all by one of the most important people in his life. It's not just that she's blind--that's shocking news too--or that she's been held captive in a dungeon for years. She also can't remember him at all. To make matters even worse, Aoi asks instead for Persona. Natsume is immediately shocked. He’s been putting himself on the line tirelessly for years, and she has forgotten him. It’s just another way in which he’s failed to protect her, since she doesn’t even remember her life anymore. And for his role in her life to be filled instead by Persona is even more cruel.

Persona has been abusing Natsume for years while manipulating Aoi into feeling pity for him. One moment, he seems to treat Aoi with kindness, and the next he goes to Natsume and threatens her safety if he doesn’t obey. It’s enough to make anyone’s blood boil, and Natsume is understandably hurt.

Mikan, who has met Aoi already, tries to remind her that Natsume is her real brother, but Persona is eager to get back to business, so he dispatches Yakumo to immobilize Ruka, Hotaru, and Mikan.

Persona goes right back to manipulating Aoi, lying to her and telling her that Natsume is responsible for her loss of sight and memories. But Natsume doesn’t care about being hated or loved, he only cares about protecting. He stands in front of Aoi and tells her to run. This time, no matter what, he will protect her. He won’t ever let her be hurt again.

Natsume has been blaming himself for what happened to Aoi for years. The job of protecting her was put on his shoulders since he was little. It’s always been his duty to keep her safe, so if she is unsafe, it means he failed. He’s just a little kid. He may have a powerful alice, but he is ultimately powerless. He’s up against government controlled entities and adults with influence. He couldn’t do any more to protect Aoi than he already did, but he’s been living with the guilt of not doing the impossible, because he was told that was his duty. Natsume feels like a failure whenever he can’t properly protect someone because he thinks that’s all he’s good for. He will take the hits for everyone else, will take responsibility for everyone, put himself in the face of danger and death to keep everyone but himself safe.

To be hated or loved or entirely forgotten has nothing to do with his life's mission anyway. Natsume gives unconditionally. He doesn't want anything in return, because it's not an exchange to begin with. The people around him are precious, and their happiness and safety is important. They should have long, pleasant lives. He's just a soldier in comparison. His life was always going to be short anyway, so why shouldn't be dedicate himself entirely to preserving the happiness of others? Protect, protect, protect. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. It's all he knows. How other people feel about him doesn't change his purpose at all. Whether he does it openly or in secret, he exists only to protect.

Aoi was his biggest failure, in his mind. He won’t allow anything to stop him from protecting her this time, to make up for the time he failed. His determination and promise of protection triggers memories in Aoi. She knew her brother very well, knew all his nuances and quirks. She's the one who first explained to Ruka that he's endlessly selfless, always protecting. If Natsume is anything, he's a martyr. He will make a bold proclamation of protection, or stand in front of somebody to guard them, or take a hit in somebody's stead. She can't help but recognize it, his most outstanding character trait. Nobody in the world is quite like Natsume in this way. She says his name, shocking and distracting him. He hadn’t meant to have her recall him. He was just doing his job as her older brother to protect her. Again, Natsume is resigned to being hated, disliked, and even forgotten, so long as he can do his job of protecting people. Of course it surprises him when it’s exactly that loyalty and protection that reminds Aoi who her most important person is.

Natsume just needed to be as much himself as he could and it triggered Aoi remembering him. If only this sort of thing could work every time.

But Persona isn’t as touched as the rest of them are. Aoi has lost her utility. She remembered Natsume and can no longer be effectively manipulated. Before he can turn his alice on her, though, Mikan saves the Hyuuga siblings. It's Natsume who initially told her in the Z Arc that she has to be vigilant, always watchful, when you're in a dangerous situation after all. If Natsume is distracted, and can't be vigilant, then Mikan will be in his stead. The danger persists, and despite Natsume's readiness to protect his sister, it's Mikan once again who tackles him, nullifying him, but also knocking his alice restraining mask off his face.

Now that Mikan has touched Persona directly without his mask on, she’s certain to die.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Even Yakumo is put off by Persona’s actions. He obviously never expected to actually be involved in the murder of a little girl. Persona shrugs it off, calling it nothing more than an accident, but that sets Natsume off.

Mikan got in the way to protect him and his sister, and now she will die.

He was willing to work as a team, but he is not willing to watch her completely take on his duty as the resident martyr.

Natsume doesn't like being protected. It's his job, after all. His life is meaningless in comparison to everyone else's. Not only is it destined to be short anyway (so who cares if it ends earlier than later?) but being protected by somebody else means he failed. Somebody is hurt because of him. Natsume is angry at Persona more than anything, but he's also disappointed in himself. Mikan should never have to take an attack for him. She got hit because he was distracted and because he didn't stay vigilant. She's hurt because he didn't do his job correctly.

He goes berserk, his fire alice raging on, despite the barrier. He screams at Persona, but it’s not enough. He hunches over in pain and gasps. Keeping up his alice like this with the barrier is difficult, and even in his anger he can’t keep it up for long.

When Hotaru tries to attack Persona, he moves to get her instead, and Mikan, already struck by his alice, decides to hit him again. Natsume is horrified. He can yell at Persona all he wants, and could even kill him, and it wouldn’t undo the damage Mikan has just now taken for her friends. She’s done for already, but each hit of Persona’s alice has her that much closer to death.

This must feel awful, Natsume. Watching somebody hurt themselves ceaselessly to protect others and not being able to do anything to help. It's a good thing you'd never put anybody in that position, especially after experiencing it for yourself, right? RIGHT?

Mikan bravely declares that she will take all of his hits, to do anything to protect her friends. She tells them to run for it and leave her to face Persona, but Aoi rushes to confront Persona. She still mistakenly thinks there’s a bond between them, that maybe she can get through to him, but he quickly proves her wrong, telling her that he won’t hesitate to use his alice on her as well if she doesn’t move aside.

He’s about to attack her, but Mikan gets in the way, not keen on her sacrifice being for nothing. She protects Aoi, perhaps in Natsume’s stead. In her final sacrifice, she is able to crack his earring, which protects him from “looking like a monster”, and now he looks on the outside the way he does on the inside, entirely corrupted by his own alice.

Now Persona is no longer a threat, as he has run away, but there remains the problem of Mikan, who has been directly hit by his alice and doesn’t stand a chance of surviving.

This whole thing is quite interesting. Natsume is practically useless here. He doesn't protect anybody: not Mikan, not Aoi, not anybody. In fact, he's the one who has to be protected. Mikan did in one day what Natsume has been doing his whole life, and she's paying for it with her life, which is what happens when somebody always chooses the happiness of others over their own.

He's so physically unwell that even his anger and rage can't assist the situation. He can't do anything. Mikan gets hit over and over and over again and all he can do is watch helplessly. You'd think an experience like this would perhaps inspire some understanding in him. Watching somebody die for you is horrible, especially when you feel so powerless as it happens. You cannot stop it from happening. You just watch as they die. But Natsume does not come away from this, thinking about the potential consequences for his martyr complex. Instead, he will do everything he can to make sure nobody ever hurts themselves to protect him again. He will protect everyone even more, to save them from the death that awaits them if they have to protect him.

If they protect him, after all, it's his fault for not being as observant, for not doing a better job. He's the soldier, the martyr. He's the one who should die for others.

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Natsume went into the dungeon, willing to give up his life, fully aware that he might never see his friends again, because it was worthwhile to him as long as he could save his sister. Despite his determination, Natsume couldn’t protect anybody. Mikan protected him, protected Hotaru, protected Aoi. The girl he loves is going to die now, and it’s his fault, because he couldn’t actually protect anybody and in turn had to be protected.

Mikan was also saying very Natsume-esque things, like “it doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as the people I care about are safe”, and willing to give up her future for the sake of Natsume and Aoi’s futures together. He’d never wanted to be on the receiving end of selflessness. That’s his job. He’s supposed to be the one sacrificing and dying for everyone else.

In this moment, he’s powerless, because for all his talk, Aoi is free because of Mikan, and now Mikan will die, and he can’t do anything about it.

Because of this, when they all rush to Subaru and Sakurano to get Mikan immediate medical help, Natsume speaks up and takes responsibility. He promises to take Aoi and leave the academy so nobody else will suffer because of him anymore. Besides, he won’t be allowed to live normally at the school anymore anyway (he'd be in a dungeon), and it’s best for everyone, in his mind, to have him out of their hair.

His determination crumbles when Mikan wakes up just enough to sadly ask him if he’s really leaving. She looks upset at the thought of him gone, and all his resolve falls apart.

He was supposed to be protecting her and he failed. She had to take it all on because he messed up, and now she's dying. And on top of that, he's hurting her, telling her he's going to leave her. He put her in this situation and now he's just gonna leave? What kind of monster is he?

Well, he was going to but how is he supposed to do it now when you look so sad?

He can't ever leave her.

But the upperclassmen rebuke his plan anyway as unrealistic and unsound. Natsume is physically distressed and Aoi is blind, so escape will not be so easy. Besides, there’s no guarantee that Natsume taking all the blame will mean anything to the ESP, who will simply punish everyone else involved in his stead. His plan was idealistic.

But Ruka brings up a good point: why should Aoi be forced to stay in the academy when she isn’t even an alice anymore? This leads to a better plan: cause a much bigger scandal around the academy than what happened in the Hana Hime den dungeon. They’d force the school’s hand and possibly be able to get out of the situation largely unscathed.

He stands by Aoi's side. He's going to protect her and save her, because he couldn't do it before. More than that, he knows he can't leave. He'll do what he can to prove to Aoi how much she matters because he won't be coming with her and she might not see him for quite some time, if ever again. If Aoi is safe, he can focus more energy on protecting others, especially Mikan, who will need all the protecting she can get now that she's upset the academy higher ups.

For now, what matters is that they start a scandal around Aoi being held captive and abused by the academy for years.

As a result, a riot breaks out, with people either outraged that a non-alice was allowed in their midst for long or because the Hyuuga siblings suffered so much so that Natsume could become a child soldier. Thus the ESP is distracted with trying to suppress that, though he does still blame Mikan for the whole thing.

Chapter Seventy

While Mikan recuperates, strangely saved by her mysterious stealing alice, Natsume has been causing mayhem with his sister. The school is unhappy and there will be serious consequences to come, but at least he won’t be trapped in a dungeon, and Mikan won’t die.

In fact, because this scandal has exposed the truth about Natsume's situation, on the surface, the school will have to put an end to the abuse they put him through. No more beatings. No more missions. It's all about PR, and apparently people don't like seeing that kids are abused by their school. For a moment, it might really seem like things will be looking up for him. Unfortunately, nothing is quite so simple.

It is time to say good-bye to Aoi, because she cannot be forced to stay with all the scandal surrounding her. Many kids are there, which Natsume points out since it was supposed to be a secret send-off.

So many people came because they wanted to meet Aoi and because they have come to the conclusion that because Aoi is leaving, Natsume has no reason to stay either. After all, he only came to the school to keep his sister safe. Now that she won’t be held over his head anymore, why would he stick around?

Yes, he stayed for Mikan and all that, but Natsume is somehow still somewhat surprised that so many other kids in Class B care about him and don't want to see him go.

And then we see a flashback, where Aoi begs Natsume to leave the school with her, even pleading that he doesn’t leave her on her own anymore. But Natsume doesn’t have a choice. Like Sakurano and Subaru said, even if it was feasible for him to leave the school, leaving would only put the rest of them in danger. They would be held responsible for what happened in his stead and they’d be punished for his sake. And Aoi was not the only person being held over his head to begin with. Ruka and Mikan and even Yo-chan are incredibly important to him, and they have also been used as blackmail for Natsume to perform on missions.

And more than anything, Mikan almost died to protect him. He failed and she got hurt, and he can't ever allow something like that to happen again. He will do anything he can to keep her safe going forward, and that will involve a great deal of sacrifice in the future. But he's always been the protector, so he is willing to throw himself into the role of being Mikan's guardian angel. From now on, it's all about her. He simply won't allow himself to fail her again.

He tells Aoi that he can’t leave. His friends are here. But he promises to see her again, when he leaves the academy. Aoi understands, and she’s happy for her brother that he has so many people he cares about who care about him too. She used to be the only one who really understood him, how selfless he was and how many burdens he was carrying. But now he’s properly understood by so many people. She can count on them to look after him.

Natsume grew up with the idea that he has to look after other people. Aoi tells his friends to look after him, letting it be known that Natsume needs to be protected sometimes too, and that he can’t be allowed to sacrifice himself forever.

Then, Natsume is able to see his father again, for the first time since he told the driver to speed up. His dad hugs Aoi, and the gate is closed, but Natsume still goes to hug them both through the gate. The moment is touching, as it’s the first time Natsume has been able to contact his family at all in more than two years, but it’s cut short. He can’t stand by the gate forever, after all.

Listen I tried my best but this picture got me bursting into tears.

This whole moment in time is just like the family visit: too short. It should be enough that we can see Natsume happy, right? He will get everything he wants for one split second, and then he will go right back to suffering, because that's how he was always meant to be. Eternally suffering for the sake of everybody else.

Mikan is then reminded that they all have to be on their best behavior going forward or they’ll risk losing stars, but losing any stars for Mikan would send her right back to being a no-star again. In response to her panic, Ruka tosses his stars. It’s only symbolic. He’s still a triple, of course. But tossing them is supposed to represent solidarity with Mikan, and understanding from Natsume. Those stars symbolized Natsume’s suffering and endless trauma. By throwing them, Ruka is telling him that he understands what Natsume went through for them, and that he’s okay with a no-star status if Natsume is less burdened. After all, Natsume shouldn't be going on missions anymore. If Ruka's star rank is lowered, it's worth it, because Natsume will be safe and happy in exchange.

Ruka is now intent on helping to protect Mikan’s smile, no matter the cost. He then thinks, “You’ve been ready to do that for a long time, haven’t you, Natsume?”

Natsume is very smiley for a kid whose gonna go "volunteer" to suffer endlessly for his friends and the love of his life.

After all, Natsume is staying, more or less, to protect his friends, namely Mikan, who almost died to protect him. He won’t let her give any more up for his sake. That’s his job, and he’ll go back to serving it with no hesitation. His missions are supposed to stop. Coercing him will no longer be about holding Aoi over his head. The school instead will shape it like it's his idea, his choice. He can stop, if he wants, but if he chooses to continue, very good things will happen for his friends.

His suffering in the DA class is about to get a lot worse.

Conclusion

Natsume put his life on the line, risking everything to save Aoi, but in the end Mikan is the one who paid the price. Instead of viewing Mikan's sacrifice as affectionate or touching, he's angry with himself for having put her in the situation to begin with. He will never allow her to be in danger again. No matter what happens, he will be there to protect her. It has just become his life's mission. Though Aoi is safe and his missions and abuse under the school should end, they have really only just begun.

Like I was saying, Natsume doesn't do very much at the end of this arc, which is kind of the point, but it also leaves some chapters' analysis somewhat threadbare. I apologize for that.

Going forward, we'll see that Natsume has a new attitude. The illusion of choice regarding the abuse he faces from the school has given him some semblance of peace, because he's content with his duty of protecting Mikan. Every smile from her means he's doing his job right.

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #honestly how dare mikan try to take over natsumes job. THATS HOW HE MAKES A LIVING MIKAN #im joking #sometimes i look at natsume and wonder if hes so used to sacrificing himself for others that he sometimes PUTS himsef #in dangerous situations unconsciously #hes very reckless at times #the other times him being so willing to die for everyone else rly makes it seem like he actually has a death wish #but he rly cant stand being on the receiving end of it #it drives him crazy #sacrifice as the ultimate show of love.....#but only when he does it!!!!!!#if somebody else does it then he FUCKED UP #editing these tags to drop a song rec #times infinity by mexicolas #its from the movie keith which i have strong feelings abt

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buckyodinson · 4 years

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Pedro boys (or who ever your most comfy writing for) reactions to trying to woo a girl not easily impressed/doesn't trust dudes easily??? I feel like a lot of ppl get this vibe sometimes or maybe its just me, love your blog btw keep being ah-mazing! 💖💖💖

Hi!!! Thank you for requesting, I had fun with these - sorry they took a while! :)

Din would bring little things back to the ship for you while you looked after the Child. He would make mental notes of things you mentioned that you missed about home or things you craved, and if he ever saw them on his travels, he would buy them for you. Din is very awkward about dealing with his feelings, and it doesn’t help that you don’t seem interested at all. He carries on regardless even if you don’t feel the same back, living for the little smiles that light up your face when you see what he’s brought back. But he comes back from a bounty one day and you don’t hear him, and he’s about to climb the ladder to the cockpit, when he hears you up there with the Child, telling it that you think you love Din but you’re worried. His heart hammers underneath the beskar and before he knows it, he’s climbing the ladder to reach you, confessing his feelings once you turn around in shock at his sudden appearance. You admit your worries but that you can see what a softy he is under the armour, and he hugs you tightly, with the child pressed between your bodies. He speaks quiety through the modulator that he’ll prove to you he is worthy of your love (in your mind, though, you know he already is).

Whiskey is a charmer. But once he realised his flirting was getting him nowhere with you, he toned it down, and tried to just be friendly with you. You were much more receptive to that, and he enjoyed your little passing talks in the corridors of the distillery, or when you’d just sit and have lunch together. You didn’t really trust Whiskey at first, seeing the way he flirted with just about any woman he laid his eyes on. But you definitely opened up to him as time went on, and the pair of you grew closer. He’d remember the little things about you that you told him in passing, and he would try to bring them up as naturally as possible in future conversations to prove he really does listen intently to everything you say. After a while, you started to develop feelings for him, and you were glad you were initially resistant to his flirting, because it allowed you to really get to know him first and fall in love with him for himself, instead of the flirty persona he seems to have turned on all the time.

Javier was notorious around the DEA for his sexual exploits. The other agents constantly teased him about how he got his information, and whether he had to pay for it this time. When you learnt that he often frequented to local brothels and fucked the girls there for information, it put you off Javier (which was a shame, because he was so attractive). But you knew you wanted no part in joining the long list of women he’d taken to bed, so when Javier took an interest in you, you made an effort to seem like you had no interest in return. But you did start to notice that Javi wasn’t getting as much intel as usual, and the other guys would still ask and tease him about the various brothels in town, but he didn’t have his usual banter with them. Steve was pretty tired of watching Javi pine over you (which you were seemingly oblivious to), that he pulled you aside one day and told you Javi had feelings for you. You snorted rolled your eyes, “Nice one, Murphy.” you spoke as you tried to walk away, but he grabbed your wrist and told you to really pay attention to Javi. You narrowed your eyes at him, but did as he said, and noticed over the next few days that Javi was different. He seemed a little sadder, and he had no new information either. You confronted him one night after he left the office, and he confessed to you. You were still wary about his tendencies, but you agreed you were willing to give it a go.

Pope introduced you and Catfish and you really fell for him (and vice versa).You were a bit wary, knowing a little about his past. You knew they were both in the army, and that didn’t bother you, but Pope had told you about that fateful ‘mission’, and you saw him in a little different light after all that had transpired, but you knew they must have been desperate to do what they did. But Pope was still a close friend of yours and after you were introduced to Catfish, you hung out with the pair of them a fair bit, and you really enjoyed Frankie’s company, and you were slowly coming to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the man he used to be, and he was actually a real sweetheart. When Frankie noticed that you kinda shut off from him a bit when you all hung out, he assumed you didn’t like him and was only appeasing Pope. He quickly dipped into his self-loathing tendencies. One night, you had fallen asleep on Pope’s sofa, and you stirred and went to grab some water from the kitchen when you overheard Frankie telling Pope how he was stupid to think you could love someone like him, after everything he’d done. You knocked softly on the door, alerting them both to you presence, and Frankie’s face dropped, but you simply walked over and wrapped your arms around him.

Ezra and his partner came across you on the green moon, and offered for you to join them prospecting for a three-way split of everything you make. You were fairly new to the profession, and you leaped at the opportunity, hoping you’d make a little more money than you expected. However, you were wary of Ezra and his silent partner. After a tense stand-off with other prospectors, Ezra’s partner was killed, and it became just the two of you. He flirted with you a lot (at least you think it was flirting, you didn’t really understand half he stuff he said to you), but you still didn’t trust him very much, wondering if any day now he’d kill you and take everything for himself. You couldn’t deny the nagging feeling burrowing it’s way into your chest when he spoke, or so much as looked at you, however. The night he lost his arm, you did your best to help relieve the pain, and he was lying in his cot, pretty delirious after the medication you had given him. He stared at you while you were putting the gems from the day away. You asked him if he was okay, and he smiled in response, telling you that if he died because of his injury, he’d be glad you were the last thing he sees, before promptly passing out. You blushed and told yourself you would ask him about that when he woke up the next morning.

Oberyn seemed like quite the gentleman to you, but you weren’t so sure about his sexual exploits. You couldn’t deny the attraction you held towards him, but the many lovers he had, and the constant orgies that could be heard from all corners of the Sunspear did put you off slightly. He tried to charm you a lot, complimenting you any time he saw you around the castle, often asking if you’d like to join him and Ellaria. You would deny his offer and scurry off quickly. He will admit, he was confused by you, most people were gracious to accept the invite to his chamber. It made you all that more interesting, and he wanted you even more. He would never overstep your boundaries, though. He respected you too much. But he would have things sent to you - flowers, fruits, poems he’d written. Eventually, Ellaria came upon you in the gardens. She asked you whether you liked the prince or not, and you replied truthfully, telling her you certainly found him attractive, but that you were worried he would fuck you and then never want to see you again. Ellaria told you that Oberyn had not stopped speaking of you in weeks, wondering what he had done to offend you, and hoping he had not upset you in any way. You smiled at that, and she walked you to Oberyn’s chambers, where he enveloped you in an embrace.

Maxwell takes it like a challenge. Most of the women he hires in his company seem to throw themselves at his feet (most likely due to his money), but not you. You keep to yourself, and you do a pretty damn good job of your work. But if he ever offers to take you out for lunch or for a drink, you kindly decline his offer. He doesn’t give up though. He admires that you hold your place, and don’t just give in to him for the sake of it. Eventually though, he starts to just buy you food and bring it to you, sometimes sitting opposite your desk and eating with you. He spends more time getting to know you, and you open up a little more as time goes on. He figures out you probably didn’t trust him very much, so he tries to be a little vulnerable around you, telling you personal things and testing boundaries. Eventually, you agree to a drink with him, and you admit that you were worried about his advances. You figured it would be a bad idea to get involved with your boss, especially if it was just a sexual thing, for fear of the judgement from others, but when you realised he was genuinely trying to get to know you and get closer with you, you realised you quite liked Maxwell too. And it took off from there.

#headcanons #pedro pascal x reader #mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #agent whiskey x reader #jack daniels x reader #javier peña x reader #javier pena x reader #catfish morales x reader #catfish x reader #frankie morales x reader #francisco morales x reader #ezra prospect x reader #ezra x reader #oberyn martell x reader #oberyn x reader #max lord x reader #maxwell lord x reader

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bumbershots · 3 years

Text

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER THREE: WHO ARE YOU?

Author’s note: Hello! Once more I would like to thank you all for the love this story’s been getting, it truly blows my mind. I am also looking for a beta reader so if anyone out there is interested let me know! (: Let’s pick up right where we left off...

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.3K **

Two souls don't find each other by simple accident, Harry thought after taking a seat for the first time that night, his feet were probably going to be swollen tomorrow, they were killing him already. But he wasn't keen on turning down a dance from the girl collapsing in the settee right next to him. A slow Amy Winehouse song was their cue to rest.

"Do you want a beer?" Her voice sounded a bit hoarse, probably from all the giggling and singing she did while dancing the night away.

"Yes please."

He watched her trot to the small bar on the other side of the flat, focused on how the multiple bracelets bounced in her left wrist as she instructed her brother which beer to give her. As she came back to take her previous seat, he felt a small wave of anxiety for wanting nothing more than to start a conversation with her, as she handed him the beer. Usually it was the other way around, but in most of the cases, people wanted to know his persona.

He knew the silence was becoming awkward, but he was still debating whether to ask about her upbringing or what she did for work, whatever the case was, he didn't want to make a fool out of himself, he almost never seemed to be that lucky.

"You're not used to people being calm around you, are you?" Alma’s frown os curiosity is a mirror to the one on the musician's face.

"Yes and no?" Harry's coy tone makes her smile warmly and shake her head in denial, "so, I'm Hampstead station guy?" Her eyes widen, a shy smile appears on her full lips before she takes another large sip of her drink.

"It's unlikely to find the same person thrice in the tube! I told my friend Laura, it felt like a glitch in the matrix." She answers and he lets out an amused laugh.

"For the record, I wasn't following you, at all..."

"I know, you just had to take the same line I did and it was a happy coincidence," she interrupts him, the new song gathers a few more dancers and Harry wonders if she will ask him to dance again, "although it would've made a great anecdote for my YouTube channel; story time, a famous musician follows me around the city possibly plotting my painful death." She joked as she gingerly flashed her hands before the two of them, as if presenting the latest play from the West End.

It was Harry's eyes turn to be wide and smack his hand into his forehead.

"You have a YouTube channel?" His interest was genuine and Alma made herself more comfortable on the sofa, before proceeding to fill him in about what that was about, just videos about her 'sort of interviewing remarkable people' or so she claimed.

It was something that started as a class project back when she was seventeen, trying to get good grades to win a scholarship and study abroad —none of those things happened. She kept doing it afterwards because it was too much fun, once she interviewed all her friends, she moved onto her family. "Believe me when I tell you, that I have more relatives than I should!" With a smile as big as hers, he sighed before breathing 'lucky' as his heart sped and she continued.

Restaurant owners, chefs, firefighters, barristers, doctors, accountants, waitresses, sexual workers, sex shop employees, bankers, homeless people, hairdressers and apparently every person from her home country had been on the informal interview series. Harry was impressed with the whole concept and her.

"I sort of abandoned it a little when I moved here last year, it was crazy busy the first couple of months and the whole bureaucracy... and I was a little homesick to be honest." For the first time in the night, her voice is thinner, he has to lean in a few inches to hear better, "I miss my parents, my cousins, my aunt, my grandparents. But this is something I've wanted for the longest time you know?" Her eyes bore into his, allowing him to see the vulnerability swimming in them, "I've never felt like an outsider here, never got lost in the tube, took the wrong bus or anything like that. Isn't it weird?" Harry smiled at the sentiment, thoughts of his latest trip to Japan flashing before him.

"No, I think it's marvellous that you feel that way." He cannot be real, is the only thing running through her mind like a restless hamster in its wheel.

Harry and Alma talked about everything they didn’t have in common, despite the brief interruptions to do some shots and drink champagne with the birthday boy. Their families were discussed, their favourite things to do in the summer. Alma even asked him how was work going, as if she didn’t know that he was one of th world’s most successful artists. Harry was thrilled to joke through their drinks and the girl wasn't shy to ask him for a couple more dances. None of them noticed the partying dying around them, it was only after Fernando said his goodbyes to his laughing sister, that they noticed how late/early it actually was.

Before they knew it, golden hues streamed through the window behind them as Freddie walked out of his room and offered them coffee.

"I'm never drinking straight vodka again," Freddie mumbled to himself after finishing his cup of coffee.

"At least it wasn't Vodquila like last time," Alma's words make him groan but agree. "I should go now, need a shower and a healthy breakfast."

After Harry also admitted he needed to be on his way, with all their belongings gathered and after saying goodbye to a very ill Freddie, neither Harry or Alma looked forward to their imminent separation. He had spent hours hearing how busy she is, when not recording content, she was working at Wenzel's and teaching Spanish to her neighbour's daughter on the weekends. Still, he was determined to meet with her again.

As soon as they started moving down the street, Harry noticed the next one was where he had to turn right in order to go home. It wasn't a short walk but the most effective route for sure.

"So, the bus stop is that way," Alma nodded her head to the left, smirking knowingly as she stuffs her hands in her coat pockets.

"Of course," they had come to a rolling stop at the corner. Harry suddenly felt beyond nervous about asking the girl for her phone number. "Thank you, for keeping me company last night." It was amazing he wanted to add, but licked his lips quickly instead.

"You mean keeping you from catching up with all your friends," she corrected him.

Harry shakes his head and smiles, the dimples graciously adorning his cheeks, his racing heart giving him the last push needed to finally ask. "Do you think we could go, like for coffee... sometime?” With that she laughed, immediately memorising the sound of it, her loud cackle is one of the nicest things he has heard in awhile.

"Only if I can buy you something from the selection of pastries." Harry laughed loudly, completely relieved by her answer. She dug around her purse for a moment before taking out a pen and what seemed to be an old receipt, quickly scribbling down her number and handing it to him.

"I'll call you," he beamed, carefully placing the piece of paper in his wallet. He'd be an idiot to lose such a precious fragment of information.

"Looking forward to it," Alma smiled at him for one last time before she started walking to the opposite direction. "See you around Harry." His face was a bit puffy from not having slept properly, but she would be lying to say he didn’t look adorable at the same time.

He waved and watched her walked away, her sweet and tired morning smile seemed to be engraved into the musician's mind as he headed home.

The air was still a bit cold, but the heat was starting to rise and plague London for the rest of the day, the hot summer everyone's been yearning for was finally here, even Harry could feel it in his bones as he continued down his path. He was still highly enamoured by the amazing night he spent sharing a piece of himself with Alma. His feet felt heavy, were even burning a little, but it was nothing as he made his way through his home gate twenty minutes later.

He decided to get some toast and a cuppa for breakfast, his high spirits not faltering even one bit although he could feel the consequences from the all-nighter already with each yawn. After eating he decided to take a shower that got him ready for a well deserved sleep in his comfortable bed.

Waking up around six o'clock startles him at first, Harry is well rested now but a bit grumpy for the weird taste on his tongue, something usual after drinking beer. He scolds himself for not brushing his teeth earlier as he walks in his bathroom. The cool tiles against his bare feet wake him up a bit more. After some needed dental hygiene, Harry gets dressed to go out and pick up his sister for their weekly dinner. Hopefully he can convince her to stay in, that way he can go on and on about the events from the night before.

His feet still hurt, he can even feel a blister underneath his big toe. But it doesn't bother him, it's actually a nice reminder of the incredible things that miraculously happened. Harry knew that since Alma was related to Fernando, someone that was bound to be in his life for the next six months or so, there was a big chance they would've met at some point. But he'd rather think it was fate, some sort of good karma coming round, he stared at her contact on his phone, still charmed by the fact that she gave it to him on the back of a receipt. Ignoring that she only did it that way, because the thought of asking for his mobile to enter it herself, was a very bold move. And Alma wasn’t really that confident, not when his green eyes were boring into hers anyway.

"When are you gonna call her then?" Gemma's voice snaps him out of his daydream for the third time during their quiet dinner in her flat. "What is it? You've got that look."

"What look?" He asks before his sister frowns and pinches her bottom lip with her thumb and index finger. It's his nervous quirk, he sighs, "I don't know, I'm just so nervous." Without a valid reason, he knows the girl is so lovely, maybe that's why.

"You're afraid of fucking it up," she knows, Harry nods. "Well, you could tell her that, perhaps on a text—

"—I want to call her, texting her will make me feel a wanker." Gemma smiles at her little brother, he looked uncharacteristically unsure of himself but nonetheless excited. It was endearing how the first thing he told her after crossing her home's threshold was 'my life is officially a chick flick!' Before proceeding to explain with detail about the whole situation.

"What about a text that reads: hello, this is Harry please save my number so when I find the guts to call you, you don't think it's a telemarketing scam," Gemma might be joking and mocking him all at once, but has a point. A text so she also has his number, makes the situation more even, she can call him too. "Assuming she gave you a real phone number."

"What?" Harry is mortified.

"I'm kidding, you should've seen your face," his sister wanted to drag a bit more her joke, but the preoccupied look on his face stopped her. Gemma couldn't wait to tell their mum, knowing that she would be just as absorbed. "There's nothing wrong with showing interest right away. If you want this to be honest and genuine, set an example." She finished before taking the last bite of pizza.

Harry knew that to be true, but now he was left wondering if it was the right time for him. Had he really left behind all the ghosts and baggage from his past? Or was he still carrying them in the new tattoos of his knees?

Despite his sister's encouraging words about how nothing could go wrong this early with Alma, he couldn't help but wonder if his still grieving heart was ready.

He takes his time walking back home, not caring if it was a really long one, he was aware of the curious eyes once he reached the Southbank but paid no attention to them. He welcomed the chill breeze, hoping for it to cool his boiling mind. Remembering the last time he walked along the river arms around his former flame, her laughter still ringing in his ears, her tender kisses in his knuckles, her delicious scent flying away with the airstream into London's sunshine.

Missing someone is not wrong, Harry reminds himself.

There's no point going down the rabbit hole of what ifs about their relationship. Harry can admit his mistakes, no matter how hard it comes to him, he can also apologise wholeheartedly. He did all those things already, months ago. Which is why he was able to keep her as a friend, not a close one, more like an acquaintance. And she's happy, he can see that, knows it.

Why does he feel like he's still drowning? He's already been pulled from the vast ocean of hers. Harry groans, struggles to open his gate, his good spirits from this morning nowhere to be found.

He doesn't know if it's the memory of her, the fear of loneliness, coincidence and laziness, or a bad habit? But he doesn't text the girl with warm brown eyes, instead he plays the voicemail that sometimes haunts his nightmares, on repeat, for the rest of the night.

///

Let me know if you like the story! *** Join the taglist!

///

TAG LIST: @laurxn-robinson // @mellamolayla

Next chapter

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles oc #harry styles series #harry styles #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles fandom #harry styles fanfic #a certain romance #harry styles ou

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borathae · 3 years

Note

I was waiting for this chapter to come out so I could break down the masterful way you've portrayed the transition of OC and JK getting back together.

Firstly, Chapter : Pancakes and orchids, was so beautifully raw in it's emotions, it was the so human and flowed with the most realism in the way it was written.

1) The awkwardness at the beginning, the yearning from within.

2) The way Jungkook takes the plunge and begins speaking and the emotions hit both of them like a landslide.

3) The emotional growth Jk has shown from running away from uncomfortable emotions to laying it out for the Oc because he truly loves her

4) The Oc transitioning from being defensive and apprehensive to slipping into her compassionate understanding persona that always held Jk up and supported him

5) The tense and riled up twist in the atmosphere when he says he's leaving again, pulling the readers into their turmoil of push and pull (chef's kiss)

6) The way a single piece of paper single handedly weaved them back into remembering all they had hoped to be and all that they meant to each other. The most pivotal part of that chapter I think.

7) Lastly the moment Jungkook realised Oc still cares when she keeps asking how he would get back.

It was just such a whirlwind of emotions but they unravelled in such a natural way. I think you nailed that encounter and you should be PROUD.

Chapter :Half past nine

I think this chapter was such a deep look into OC's apprehensions , it was was brilliant move to have Namjoon come in to sort out her thoughts and give her perspective she doesn't have ( like he always does)

1) Fear : it's the most prominent thing you feel when you attempt something again that has once failed. I think that coupled with her fear of Jungkook never coming back and the way it was ripping her apart was very well written

2) Her wanting to tell him to f**k off so she wouldn't have to try at it again is the MOST relatable feeling, I think anyone who cared deeply about someone or something will know what that's like, to rather run way than face it all

3) The way Jungkook was crystal clear with how much he wanted Oc back and didn't show a miniscule of doubt was so on par with his character. He may take time but once he makes up his mind he's stubborn and deeply in love and will not turn back.

4) The moment the OC turns off her brain and gives into her heart , that was so surprisingly ACCURATE I didn't even realise that's what most of us do. We ultimately let the brain or the heart win and silence the other.

5) The cuddling oh lord the cuddling. The skinship, the familiarity they slipped into so quickly it was SO GRATIFYING. It reiterated just how much they love each other and how strong their bond was.

This story is genuinely so so close to my heart. I want you to know how talented you are and how deeply you affect people with your writing. If I had a relationship I would want it to be us open and strong as what the Purple Rain couple seem to have. Thank you for this!! All the love to you ♥️♥️♥️

( I have so much more to say but this ask is already too long so I'll save it for later. Just know I love you and am always rooting for you. 🥺♥️)

I don’t even know what to say. I am literally blown away. This is just...

THANK YOU

Holy shit, seriously. THANK YOU!!

Thank you isn’t even enough to show how much your message/review means to me. Holy shit the depth you went into, how perfectly you analysed them, all those sweet words. I seriously don’t know what to say. Seriously, I’m lost for words...All I can say is that I genuinely started crying in happiness because that review just made my entire day, no, entire year. Seriously I am so, so, SO grateful for you. Fuck, I love you so much my dear. I am definitely going to reread this message whenever I feel down or sad.

Also just so you know this part “He may take time but once he makes up his mind he's stubborn and deeply in love and will not turn back.“ And also this part “If I had a relationship I would want it to be us open and strong as what the Purple Rain couple seem to have.” made me cry extra hard, just know that (they were happy tears though so no worries) Holy shit I can’t thank you enough, I really really needed that. And I love you so, so much 😭😭💜

#asks: purple rain #when sad #fave #gukbeoki #asks #reviews

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arreisstorm · 5 years

Text

BTS' Map Of The Soul: Persona

I am always in a continuous state of shock and awe whenever I even begin to contemplate the in-depth philosophical, psychological, and just overall intellect these boys possess.

Not only have they used various works of literature:

Demian- Wings

The Ones Who Walk from Omelas- Spring Day

but they have also been incorporating theoretical science:

Carl Jung's 4 major archetypes

since the very beginning!

And then to use a music industry as big as K-Pop to highlight the importance of knowledge and connect everything together...

That's beautiful.

It's genius!

So let me try and break some of it down now:

Carl Gustav Jung was a famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist who once proposed the theory that everyone's personality consisted of 4 separate entities:

The Shadow

The Anima/Animus

The Persona

The Self

and it was these 4 traits, or archetypes, that were believed to be the reasoning for why we as individuals developed personalities and certain behaviors. He also theorized that when an individual recognized and experienced all 4 archetypes that it would lead to self-fulfilment. So now let's break this down even further but from BTS' viewpoint.

The Shadow

From their debut through Dark & Wild, you can see that these were more chaotic times for BTS as they were trying to let the world know who they were, yet also trying to remain genuine at the same time. It's hard thing to do because, especially when referring to K-Pop, you are told you have to look, act, and exist in a certain way. You are to be idols and to model what's most popular when it comes to societal influence. This is exactly what Carl meant when he introduced the Shadow archetype. It's known to be the darker side of ourselves; the wildness and chaotic version that we use to try to repress some of our more negative thoughts.

BTS experienced the Shadow because they debuted with this "bad-boy" imagine and basically said F the system! Although they still had their personal beliefs and stances on life, they did kind of let themselves become manipulated by others wishes. Even some of the boys have had regrets towards the way they first acted. I mean RM, then Rap Monster, openly expressed how he wanted to change his name because he felt that title no longer applied to who he was. Same for the rest of the boys. They had just started out and were naive and some easily impressionable, no one should blame them for their early days, I mean I'm sure we all have times we look back on not too fondly as well.

The Anima/Animus

Jung believed the next step after the Shadow was the Anima/Animus, which represents the feminine (Anima) side of male's unconsciousness, while the (Animus) is the masculine side for the female's. This aspect was said to bring order or balance to an individual's life. Because we live in a society that is so concerned with separating one's gender as a way to normalize behavior as a whole, it has become almost impossible for us to have said balance because it is "not acceptable"; however, it's important to have those two separations to a person's behavior because it allows us to have positive and negative aspects for each.

Imagine if you had a man who was nothing but competitive and dominating all the time, yet lacked the nurturing skills of a women when it came to showing compassion towards a child or loved ones. Then imagine on the other hand, there's a women who has all the emotional capacity yet let's herself be pushed around and stepped on because she lacks an assertive nature due to said generosity and compassion. Neither one would be able to make it long in this world because they do not possess the balance from both sides to do so.

Relating this back to BTS, you can see the Anima appearing during the Love Yourself highlight reel, although it wasn't so clear to some until now. Most ARMY or casual supporters of BTS simply thought that these girls that appeared in the video were simply some type of love interest or previous relationship they had because including girls in idol groups' videos is nothing out of the ordinary; however, knowing about the archetype Anima/Animus, I have pieced together that these girls were actually not love interests at all, but they represented the boys' feminine part of their unconsciousness.

The reason I say this is because during the HYYH era MVs, you can see the destructive nature BTS are going through. Whether it be destruction of self or of personal relationships, it's obvious that they are still experiencing the first stage, the Shadow, and in order to move past it they must recognize the next one. The girls in the video are seen when the boys are at their happiest, AKA when they are experiencing balance from the uncertainty surrounding their lives. It is here we can see the growth of each member taking place.

(Photo credit: stussyjimin on Twitter)

The Persona

After we have the Shadow and Anima/Animus we move onto the 3rd stage: the Persona. This archetype is one of the most common ones that people find themselves unable to move past.

Societal constructs yet again have a huge part to play in this because we are constantly seeking validation from others in order to appease our own self-conscious tendencies. You see, the word 'persona' in Latin literary means 'mask', which is appropriate because when we reach this archetype we often force ourselves to wear a mask so that others might accept our perceived truths over the actual ones. Whether it be at work, home, in other public situations, or even online we all make the decisions to put on that mask, contradicting our own beliefs in order to seem likeable. These decisions don't even necessarily have to be life-changing, but any minor ones also alter an individual as a whole.

You see, where the Shadow's job is to let us repress our unacceptable behaviors to appear more relatable, the Persona highlights those new changes to keep up the charade of being accepted from what others expect from us. This could more easily be known as "people-pleasing". In order to reach our next stage the most important thing to keep in mind is that we as humans are not simply a sum of our Personas and we must find our true identity within ourselves.

Again, relating this back to BTS, it reminds me of 2 different concepts: Wings and Love Yourself: Tear.

With Wings, I mostly see it in the solos because each one specifically deals with some kind of pain or sadness due to outside influences. For example, in Jungkook's BEGIN, he mentions how helpless he felt during their debut and then how much it hurt him to see his hyungs going through dark times. In Jimin's LIE, he talks about his struggles with starvation and body imagery and how listening to negativity made him spiral out of control. V's STIGMA explains how he often feels like this absent family member to his brothers because of BTS' busy schedule and his inability to be there for them. Suga's FIRST LOVE expands on his depression and how he almost gave up his dream at one point, also turning his back on his first love which is music. RM's Reflection is almost like a conversation with himself conveying his insecurities and how hard he finds it to love himself because of how he's been perceived in the past. Hobi's MAMA, although the more happier track of them all, serves as a love letter to his mom confessing his hardships as well as how much he appreciates his mom for always having his back. Then finally we have Jin's AWAKE, where he pours his heart out about feeling inadequate compared to everyone else, yet he still is going to try his hardest. The boys showed us their personal struggles and how keeping up these charades for so long would end up tearing them apart. They knew they were missing the final link.

Love Yourself: Tear can also be seen in this way. In fact, RM explained that when writing and designing the concept for one of their most popular tracks from the album, Fake Love, he was trying to communicate the fact that, in life, we constantly find ourselves trying to fill a void in order to deem ourselves as whole, and often times this can be filled with love, but that doesn't specifically have to be about relationships. "We're saying that if you're not true to yourself, your love won't last forever. The love could be person to person, it could be between me and myself,".... "It's kinda deep."

See here he means that love doesn't necessarily have to be about a physical relationship, just like the Persona doesn't just have to be about the relationship you have with others. Even if the simplified version is often seen as "people-pleasing", it can also mean, in an inadvertent way, changing yourself or donning a mask in order to fool your own mind into loving those alterations you've made personally. Learning to love yourself and acknowledging your flaws is the only way to reach the final stage.

(Photo credit: dailyhoping on Twitter)

(YAJR#jkc at aminoapps.com)

The Self

The 4th and final stage to achieving personal fulfillment is known as the Self. This means that after having gone through all other areas of self discovery when reaching this stage there should no longer be any traces of doubts or identity loss left.

According to Jung, the Self is most often represented by the wise man/wise woman, especially when it comes to dreams. He once said that if there was a ever a time when a person dreamed of a wise figure, then it was an indication that self fulfillment is right around the corner. This is a lose interpretation though, it doesn't necessarily have to be an old man or old woman, some even think that people who serve as mentors to an individual, regardless of age, can also fit the profile. In the case of BTS however, I do believe that Jung's original idea was more of the inspiration.

If you recall during one of the trailers for Fake Love, there was the Magic Shop where the boys went to trade in objects for others. The vendor in charge of the shop could be considered as a sort of magician, which just so happens to be another character that is said to represent the Self. So knowing that and then if you see in the video that the objects traded by each boy connects them back to previous storylines, or sticking with Jung's theory, previous archetypes that can be used to remind them of hurt, pain, and darker times. The symbolism of this exchange can be interpreted as the boys relinquishing their previous lost identities to finally take that metaphorical step and receive the solution that will finally lead them to the Self.

Actually, if you look at the next MV that follows Fake Love extended version, you will see that it is the last song from BTS' latest album Love Yourself: Answer, Epiphany. The literal definition of the word 'epiphany' means a sudden realization, revelation, or insight, which in terms of the archetype, the Self, this could be a representation of the defining moment that shows BTS finding the final path to self fulfillment and true happiness. I'm not saying they've 100% reached the very top of the pyramid, but I do think that in deciding to make this the last track on the album, they are also treating the words as a personal message to all of ARMY.

This is their genius way of letting everyone know that the only true solution to achieving that final level of a well-developed Self, you must first experience a culmination of all previous archetypes and then integrate them all alongside the last:

One must learn to express hurt and emotions (the Shadow) before they can find a balance within (the Anima/Animus) to help counteract the mask and preconceptions (the Persona) others make us develop throughout life. It is only then will we be wise (the Self) enough to find the hidden truth.

Final Thoughts:

First of all, I want to say thank you if you made it through this whole post, I know its a little long and I truly appreciate it. 💜

Secondly, I want to reiterate that none of this is to be seen as a concrete answer to BTS concepts, song meanings, or their entire creative process as a whole, this is simply my thoughts and opinions and nothing more. That being said though, I am more than open and willing to hear both your theories on the symbolism BTS uses, as well as any constructive criticism you might have concerning this post. So please feel free to leave a comment ✌

Lastly, I have one more thing to touch base on and that is the recent announcement that was the inspiration behind this post being created in the first place. It's been blowing up the internet since it was first released, but in case you might have missed it, BTS has just dropped their comeback date (April 12th!) and the title is Map of the Soul: Persona.

See because I have such an interest in psychology/philosophy and especially loved studying Jung's work, when I first saw the title, and knowing how intellectual these boys are, I couldn't help myself from thinking that this new era could possibly have ties into Jung's 4 Archetypes. This then brought me to revist everything BTS has done up until now to see if I could be right, and that's when I realized they had already tackled the theory on the down low, or at least for most people; hence why I made this post, I wanted to create this in-depth analysis to help others understand the pure genius aspects that goes into BTS' concepts.

Now with that being said, if this new era and concept truly is going to draw inspiration from Carl Jung and his theories, then the above post is nothing more than a simple a taste of what's to come. Trust me, if it's BTS we are talking about, then everything I've said pales in comparison to what their truly brilliant minds can come up with. Either way I can't wait to see what's in store!!!

Thank you again if you read this and please feel free to share or leave your own comments. I would love to hear what you guys have to say! 💜💜💜

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oumakokichi · 7 years

Note

Aren't you at all frustrated with the ending? You seem to really like the reality show/everyone's memories and talents are fake twist and take Shirogane at her word for the truth. Doesn't it annoy you that everyone else except the survivors, Tsumugi and Amami are basically rendered irrelevant in future installments or worldbuilding because they were literal nobodies outside the game? It sure as hell still frustrates me that my favorite characters (especially ouma) will not be important at all.

No, I quite like the ending. And while I think Tsumugi wascertainly telling the truth about some things in the Chapter 6 trial, I’mrelatively certain she was lying about others. In fact, there’s plenty of proofto suggest that she was absolutelylying about having “scripted” Momota’s illness, as well as that she couldinfluence emotions and feelings for the characters. Tsumugi may have been ableto set certain “scenarios” in mind or had something of an idea of what shewanted each character to perform or embody on the show, but she certainly couldn’tcontrol them or bring them to mind.

I simply don’t believe that the reality show twist being trueor that everyone’s memories and talents are fake immediately makes them “irrelevant”or “unimportant.” If anything, the ndrv3 ending and epilogue stresses thenecessity of lies and their importance. The ending is very straightforwardabout the fact that “even if everything is a lie, even if everything isfiction, that doesn’t negate the very real impact that it can have on the worldaround us or on our personal feelings and growth as people.”

That’s a wonderful message that I felt very personallytouched by. From a realistic perspective, not just a meta perspective, fiction is,after all, a lie. Regardless of how much we enjoy Danganronpa and itscharacters, it is absolutely true that every single part of the DR franchisewas just a fictional, made-up story written by someone else, and that itscharacters consist of nothing more than a bunch of colored pixels and words ona screen. Does that automatically negate the enjoyment that we have by watchingor playing DR? Does that mean that its characters aren’t genuinely fun, good,or well-written? Not at all.

Fiction is a lie. Fiction is made-up. But fiction, lies, andmade-up stories aren’t necessarily any less important than the truth. “Truth”is, after all, very rarely objective, and much more often simply an agreed-upon“fact” acknowledged by most people. To say that something being fictional orfake automatically negates its importance would be like saying that we cannever be truly impacted by that fiction. It’d be like saying we’ve never criedor laughed or gotten genuinely emotional over a fictional story.

Even if everyone’s talents, memories, and backstories arefake, that doesn’t mean that they’ve automatically become irrelevant to futureinstallments or worldbuilding. If anything, there’s even more room forworldbuilding and growth than there was in previous DR games, in my opinion. Weknow about the characters’ in-game, “wacky Danganronpa backstories,” but weknow relatively little about them, as people. If there were ever a spin-offnovel or side materials delving into the characters’ pre-game backstories,their motivations, their personalities, etc., I guarantee that tons of peoplewould read it. The Japanese fanartists I follow on Pixiv and Twitter who drawtheir own interpretations of what the pre-game characters were like could easilyattest to that.

There’s also tons of proof that those pre-game personalitiesaren’t necessarily “the opposite of” their in-game personalities, either. Tonsof evidence, including the characters’ likes and dislikes, as well as theprologue, suggests that Tsumugi’s “in-game personas” for each of the characterssimply took what was already there and… expanded upon it. The in-game versionsof the characters feel like caricaturized versions of their real selves, ratherthan “entirely different people.”

After all, Miu and Tenko, for example, act very similarly inthe prologue to how we see them in-game. Tsumugi can claim all she wants inChapter 6 that “the people they were before don’t exist anymore,” but that’spretty clearly a lie. There’s certainly no way for them to check for themselves what they were like before orwhat kinds of memories they used to have, but we, the players, can reread theprologue for ourselves, and compare the characters’ likes and dislikes and allthe information we’ve compiled on them enough to know that their pre-game andin-game personas are similar, not drastically different.

I’m not really sure why you think Ouma “won’t be importantat all” in future spin-offs, either. Kodaka and his staff have clearly alreadycaught onto the fact that Ouma is wildly popular—with his birthday coming up,the ndrv3 crepe café has already announced a plan to launch a 5-day specialcrepe and birthday drink for him. Anything about Ouma, be it merchandise or additionalinformation, becomes a trending topic almost immediately nowadays.

As the character who best represents ndrv3’s themes of “liesvs. truth,” it makes sense that Ouma would still be the biggest enigma even atthe end of the game, and therefore the one who people want to know the mostabout. I can understand Kodaka’s desire to keep Ouma in a catbox of sorts,refusing to give too much explicit information about him for now. But Kodakaalmost always clarifies is characters and provides answers on things he left asa deliberate cliffhanger beforehand. I don’t doubt that we’ll definitely seesome kind of Ouma-related side materials or spin-off in the future, becausepeople are definitely curious about him.

There are so many mysteries as to what Ouma was truly likepre-game, what his motivations were for entering the killing game in the firstplace (for example, did he enter specifically to stop the killing game evenfrom the start?), whether DICE actually existed or not in the real world,whether he’s an orphan or not, etc. These mysteries make for infinitely more opportunities for futureinstallments, not less.

I can’t make everyone like ndrv3’s ending, nor do I want to—everyonehas the right to experience the game for themselves and decide what it means tothem. But I personally found the ending’s message and themes very uplifting, ina sense. That message of what fiction is, what it means to us on a personal andindividual level, and how lies can themselves be just as relevant and importantas the truth, is something I can understand due to personal experiences. Theworld is a tough place to live in, sometimes, and the truth can be harsh andpainful—fiction are “lies” that we use to help us cope with that harsh andpainful world. And while it’s important that we cope and lessen the blow fromthose truths, it’s just as important that we don’t completely immerse ourselvesin fiction or lose sight of reality around us. Both truth and lies arenecessary, in the end.

That’s what I took from the ending, anyway. I’m not sayingthat ndrv3 is a perfect game, because it definitely isn’t. It certainly has itsflaws, and there are things I would change about it if I could. But I honestlyliked the ending, and all the questions and mysteries it posed. Thanks forasking, anon!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #ouma kokichi #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #anonymous

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ryntaia · 7 years

Note

can you write more shuake in which goro self-loathes due to what he did to akira and the phantom thieves and also because he believes he doesn't deserve akira's affection at all? but of course akira always proves him wrong :3 thank you, i love your writing!

Well guys, the feels train never stops on this ride to Shuake Land -- its time for me to try and make you guys hurt again!

Okay so this one KINNNNDA may have gone from ‘drabble’ to actual fic since it clocked out at a little under 3k letters, so I’m sorry to anyone looking for a drabble or to anyone who feels cheated because I overwrote this one. I’m bad at this drabble request thing, hahaha. But I mean, like, guys, we gotta keep the Shuake Feels Train going.

So WITHOUT FURTHER ADO....

He had survived.

It had taken all he had to drag himself out of that decadent wasteland of a ship with a bullet lodged in his shoulder, but Goro Akechi had survived. Granted he wasn’t sure what happened from there—being in reality with a bullet in your shoulder and no power from a Persona to keep you standing upwards had been an immediate blow once he found himself outside the Diet Building. All he could do was swear at himself as his knees buckled under him, gasps of distress and confusion coming from around him as his face went to meet with pavement.

In the blur of pain and half-consciousness, he could’ve sworn he saw black hair and a Shujin uniform watching him as he fell. He could’ve sworn he saw thick glasses staring mercilessly at him as he lay in his own blood with a crowd of people clamoring around him and frantically dialing for the police. It almost made him smile as he faded out. The idea of Akira being there was somewhat soothing.

But it was a bitter salve.

He realized this quickly as he woke up in a hospital bed to find he had been a four month long coma. Doctors clamored wildly at the sheer fact that Akechi had woken up – he could catch enthused offhanded statements about how they hadn’t been able to single out the cause of the coma despite fixing his wound, that they hadn’t been sure if he would wake up, that they had done a great job despite having done nothing but pull the bullet out of his shoulder and lay him in a bed for days on end.

His hand ghosted across the stitches marring his pale flesh. It was a loud and noticeable wound and he could halfway hear the doctor telling him that it was guaranteed to scar. The man’s words were laden with unasked questions of how the teen had gotten a bullet wound in the first place, and the looming presence of the matter of paying for month upon month of hospital care for his coma. As if Akechi had even asked for these people to try and save him. As if he wanted to be here.

As if he hadn’t just wanted them to leave him to bleed out in the road, or at least die before he got to the hospital. There was no poetic justice in this, he thought, nothing he had sacrificed to make up for the horrible things he had done. And now all he could do was live with those things for the rest of his life. He could just distantly watch the development of the past few months on a small TV provided to him.

Apparently they had been eventful.

Shido had collapsed, resigned, and went into hiding after performing a public apology—Akechi’s own name was mentioned once or twice but at this point he didn’t really care anymore. It had been publically known that it was the work of the Phantom Thieves, shown by reel after reel of footage of a country-wide television hijacking they had used for the calling card. He had to admire the method; the Thieves hadn’t shared it with him and in the back of his mind he was always wondering how they would get a calling card to someone who could so easily squash it. Apparently, probably with the help of the young hacker girl, they had managed it so that Shido could not possibly escape from his time of judgment.

They had made the public remember. And Akechi sat here, forgotten. For once he appreciated it—everything he had ever believed, that innate nagging feeling that he wasn’t worth the affection of the adoring masses, had been confirmed. Their eyes had been opened and in a way his had too. But while their reaction was rightful indignation and fear to that which could destroy them, Akechi could only feel an empty acceptance towards his wheel spinning in the mud as he faded back into nothing in the minds of others. In the minds of the Phantom Thieves.

In the mind of Kurusu.

A sudden, sharp pain gripped Akechi’s heart, the first real feeling he had encountered since waking up from his coma. Akira Kurusu, the Joker, the leader, the teenager who had risen from his ashes like a phoenix to guide his group towards truth. Like the last flickering street light at midnight, with all the people he met like the moths innately drawn to that flickering light covered with soot but never dying out. Akechi had lost against that flickering light; everything he had believed had been burnt out by Akira’s resolve and genuine empathy.

And once it had all burnt away from him, Akechi could only be left with the one truth he still held: his genuine affection towards the leader of the Phantom Thieves. That buried and suppressed understanding that everything Akira had displayed to him was real. The reality that the other teen had cared furiously about him, and after all the trust he had placed in Akechi’s words, the brunette had still turned around to shoot him in the back. And even then, after all of that, Akira still held his hand out earnestly to the disgraced detective, compelling him to come back to the Thieves.

Akechi lurched forward at the thought, grabbing the emesis basis at his side as he dry heaved. Tears prickled at his eyes, running into the watery vomit, all bleeding together. Akira Kurusu and his affection. The boy had so much affection, so much caring, so much LOVE in his heart for someone who the world had functionally turned around and kicked out of their respects. There was a genuine feeling to every bit of affection that Akira gave to every single person, and it was hard to avoid the care that he had in his slate gray eyes as he listened to the concerns and opinions of each person around him. He was never gone away from them, spiting them in the back; he was always there for them, loving them. Loving him.

Akechi coughed on the last bit of spit filled vomit, laying back in frustration. The affection he held for Akira Kurusu wasn’t something he could deny anymore, and in a way he couldn’t help but feel that it was so much better he realized it now instead of earlier. If he had realized it earlier, he contemplated, then he might have acted on it and won the favors and purest affections of someone who deserved so much better than to have to deal with him. It was better this way because Kurusu would never have to deal with the feelings of someone as corrupt as him. He could find affections in someone who was good enough for him.

Or someone who hasn’t functionally killed him. Akechi laughed bitterly to himself. His thoughts were interrupted by knuckles rapping lightly on the door; his hair spun lightly when he looked up cautiously. Brown eyes widened as he recognized the woman at the door—blonde hair so light it almost seemed white, dark and sharp eyes, pursed red lips, and eyebrows forever furled into an expression of irritation or anger. The immaculately groomed, impeccably stubborn Sae Niijima.

“Akechi.” She said, tone clipped.

“….Ms. Niijima.” He replied, not able to bring himself to use his first name. He could see her eyebrow quirk at this but she didn’t point it out. She only closed her eyes in frustration. The prosecutor had come by several times since Akechi had awakened but her quick temper hadn’t faired well against his half hearted current nature. Half the time she left agitated, while the other half she left flat out irritated. He didn’t care. Sae Niijima was just another person who had gotten dragged into his selfishness and he didn’t want to see any of those people anymore. The more she went away the better.

“…You stubborn child.” She muttered under her breath. He didn’t pay her any mind, just looking back down to the emesis pan. “I shouldn’t be doing any of this, but…you have been granted a special visitor. I granted you a special visitor, specifically.”

Akechi looked up at this; the hospital had been very keen on keeping Akechi in isolation at the hospital after the news had apparently gotten out that he was Shido’s son. The combination of enraged members of the public alongside his old and devoted fans would’ve been enough to drive a man to suicide, or at least that was the hospital’s theory. So they closed visiting to everyone besides government officials and family. It basically meant only Sae Niijima had been willing and able to come visit. For someone to be allowed in, they would’ve had to come through her.

And as the guest walked in, Akechi knew exactly why the prosecutor had done it.

“I’ll leave you to talk.” Sae said, her tone almost hesitant and she strode past Kurusu into the hallway. The clack of her heels disappeared into the fray of the hospital. Akechi had zoned them out already anyways, his ears filled with a deafening silence as Akira closed the door behind him. Even the old news tapes playing on the old television were completely out of his perception—it wasn’t until Akira clicked the set off with the remote at Akechi’s side that the brunette realized it had even still been on.

Silence reigned over the pair for a moment. Akira sat in a wooden chair across from the detective, legs splayed out and elbows balanced on his knees. His hands clasped together in front of his mouth as he studied every feature of Akechi’s shocked face—as if he was seeing something important, but was afraid he wouldn’t be able to ever see it again. The detective had no answers to break the stare they shared, only the returning feeling of hot bile in his throat.

“Goro.”

He blinked rapidly, his name bringing him back to attention. “A-Akira?”

“Yes.”

“What are you…”

“I’ve been working against this hospital for a few weeks now to get in for a visiting session.” Akira replied easily, as if he read the other’s mind. Because of course he had. Akechi flushed a slight pink and directed his eyes away from the teen and his stupid messy hair, stupid askew glasses, stupidly knowledgable and calculating and kind gray eyes. “Goro, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” Akechi replied through grit teeth. What was this boy here to do? To rub it in? He hadn’t taken Akira as that sort of person. The back of his mind reminded him, almost childishly, that he had been offered to join the Phantom Thieves again when he had betrayed them—but it had all been fanciful talk. They hadn’t ever meant any of it.

You’re so much of a liar that you can’t even admit the truth to yourself. His mind taunted him. You know that Joker meant exactly what he said and does exactly what he intends. Sae is right….you stubborn child.

“Sae explained to me. What’s been going on, I mean. We all knew you woke up…it was all over the news. But…” Akira paused, as if considering his options. “…she told Makoto and myself recently about her visits with you. That you’ve been rejecting anything she has to say. That you’ve been progressing into a further depression the longer you stay here.”

“Oh, is that what she told you and your little girlfriend?” Akechi snapped nastily; Akira’s eyebrows rose a bit and immediately a pang of guilt hit the detective’s stomach. That had not been the right thing to say…and it had told Akira too much. Well, if he knew a little, he might as well get the full brunt. “Get out. Go back to your little group. I don’t need—”

“Is that what you think?” Akira immediately interrupted him. Akechi fumed; he could tell his face was growing redder and redder but he couldn’t help it. It was so many months worth of frustration finally unleashing itself somewhere. “Goro. I know I can’t make you want to feel needed by us…by me. But if it means anything, then I can tell you what is actually real.”

“…And what’s actually real, Joker?” Akechi said, admonishing himself for how soft and inquiring his voice came out. Like a child being told a fairytale asking if the prince saved the princess.

“You don’t have to feel needed by me. But I need you.” Akira’s tone was so genuine, so sharp, so brutally honest that it took the detective back. “You’re angry right now and I get that, but Goro…when Sae came back to Makoto saying that you had been found, I was overjoyed. You don’t have to believe me but I was. And I felt like all that joy was gone when I realized that you were still gone, that you had slipped out of our grasp and into a coma. I hated it. So I spent those long months thinking and thinking to myself.”

“A….about?”

“Why. And when you woke up, I figured it out.” Akechi knew what was coming; he hated it. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t DESERVE it. He wanted to clasp his hands over his ears and scream so he didn’t have to hear it. “Goro, I—”

“STOP. Just stop, for Christ’s sake, Akira, stop.” Goro slammed his hands against his lap, bowing forward towards the fists in front of him. He couldn’t bring himself to look the black haired youth in the face. “I know what you’re trying to say but you CAN’T. You just can’t. I won’t…I DON’T….I killed you, I tried to kill you again, I tried to kill all your friends. You CAN’T.”

“But I do.” Akira was quick to pick up the new train of thought. His voice had lowered to a tone unfamiliar to the detective, a soft and reassuring tone.

“No. Don’t. If I say please like those kids you hang out with, will you not? Will you NOT give all that affection to someone who doesn’t…who doesn’t…” Akechi coughed a bit, unable to force himself to say what he meant, hands itching for the emesis pan so he could let out all the nausea building in his stomach. Looking at the spit covered vomit would be better than having to deal with—

“Don’t act like you don’t deserve affection.”

Akechi stopped, finally looking up to the teen with incredulous eyes; he was met with the most sincere expression he had ever seen. No smile, no frown, no anger, just a flat expression that screamed Akira’s sincere honesty. The brunette sat up and bunched into the corner like a wounded animal trying to escape a fox—except really, he realized, Akira was no such predator. His affections were genuine, as genuine as his own, despite everything he had done…

A hand weaved through his chestnut brown hair. “You deserve it just as much as other people. I’ll be the one to decide how much I can take from the people I love. If people don’t like it then I don’t care. If you need to shoot me five or six more times to make it better than I don’t care. I’ll survive every bullet and come right back for more. Because I’m not going to let you chew off your own leg to get away from the fact that people can love and care you.”

“Why…” Akechi choked out, hands balling up in the thin fabric of the hospital blanket. “Why? Why are you…why?”

“Because I care about you. Because I LOVE you.” Akira said matter-a-factly. And there it was, he had finally said it, finally it hung in the air like an unopened letter. “You don’t have to love me back, Goro. I’m not asking for that. I just want to help you. I just want to be there for you.”

Be there for him. No one had ever BEEN THERE for Goro Akechi. He had always been there for others, to be used, to be a tool in everyone’s game, to be the thorn in their side by the simple merit of existence. No one had ever wanted him there just by the merit of that he was HIM. The shock took a moment to pass through his system as he processed everything that the other boy was saying, barely listening as Akira rattled on about how Akechi didn’t even have to remember that he had said anything about loving him and—

“I don’t want to forget.” Akechi murmured, hands playing across each other. Akira looked at him questioningly; the detective couldn’t find the strength to look at Akira with his red face and hopeful eyes. “I don’t want to forget you…said that. I want to…say it too. Because I do, too. But, I…”

The hand in his hair carded downwards to the detective’s shoulder to squeeze it reassuringly. Akechi looked up carefully to the slight smile on the other boy’s face, the surprising pink tint peppering underneath the thick rims of his glasses.

“You can say whatever you want when you find the words. I’m just glad.”

I’m glad I can be here for you, and that you’ll let me.

#Persona 5 #Akeshu #Shuake #Akira Kusuru #Goro Akechi #Kusuru Akira #Akechi Goro #KEEP THE FEELS TRAIN COMING #WE CAN MAKE IT SADDER U GUISE #'drabble' request #Anonymous

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psyclownsis-a-blog · 7 years

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Can you elaborate a little on how Joker helps Harley because given their canon history it really doesn't seem like he does more than stunt her mental growth and harm her

okay well the thing you have to keep in mind when i’m talking about this stuff is that i’m talking specifically about my interpretation of harley and my interpretation of her relationship with joker, not harley in general as a character, and you also have to keep in mind that there is a difference between harley being emotionally stable and happy and harley overcoming her mental illness and living a healthy life with healthy relationships. as for canon interpretations of her relationship with joker, they’ve had just as many fun moments as they have un-fun moments, and the way their relationship is written varies massively from series to series. you can argue all day one way or another about their relationship using nothing but canon evidence and you won’t get any closer to having 100% agreement on whether it’s good or bad (“bad and acceptable/enjoyable” or “bad and must be stopped immediately” are probably more accurate terms). something else to keep in mind is that i am talking specifically about joker helping harley come back to baseline after some kind of mental breakdown or upset, as opposed to joker helping harley become a better person or something (he doesn’t). so i’m? not? really sure if you’re genuinely asking or trying to be passive aggressive? but either way i’m gonna give you a genuine answer¯\_(ツ)_/¯

harley is delusional, her delusions are extremely pervasive and warp her entire grasp of reality, reality as she knows it is built on the concept of Good Guys and Bad Guys that joker instilled in her when he was her patient, okay, we’ve established this. the factors we have to look at to answer your question are:

harley’s mental illness and how it affects her daily life

joker’s relationship with harley/joker’s feelings for harley/the revenge arc

how being around joker affects harley’s mental health

how people other than joker tend to handle her mental illness and emotional needs

1. okay so! we’ve already talked about that first one a lot, but i’m gonna talk about it a little bit more just to clarify. the Good Guy/Bad Guy delusions were shaped and fostered by joker when she was his doctor (however, they did not originate with him; the best way i can explain it is that she/her pre-joker trauma planted the seed of her own delusions and he watered those seeds until they bloomed), but i don’t think he intended for them to become so strong, and he certainly didn’t intend to have to deal with her delusional ass for presumably the rest of his life. regression as a coping mechanism is also something joker tends to encourage in her, but it is something she was already doing before she met him. both of these things contribute to her inability or unwillingness to fully comprehend death/her inability to fully understand that she is hurting people, but that issue was initially shaped by trauma that occurred mostly outside of her experiences with joker (guy kopski’s death and arnold wesker’s death). these issues manifest as a regressed and childish persona: she has a very simplistic, childlike worldview, and a very simplistic, childlike resistance to unhappiness. on the level of daily life, this puts her at odds with some people, because they require her to act like an adult and take responsibility for her actions (ie, batman telling her she needs to be serious because “this isn’t a game” or something like that). joker is perfectly content to let her act however she wants as long as it doesn’t interfere with his own work/plans/whatever, so in that sense, he “helps” because he doesn’t challenge her worldview. this is not a healthy dynamic at all, but it’s a dynamic that allows harley to function happily within the parameters of her delusions and psychosis.

2. which brings me to the second point: joker and harley have been together on and off for about seven years at this point in my blog-canon timeline. they know each other better than anyone else. they can rely on each other. it hasn’t always been pretty, and it has certainly never been a healthy relationship, but they are more or less constants in each other’s lives. the fact that they have a relatively stable relationship at this point is entirely due to the revenge arc. the revenge arc takes place after the events of mad love and after harley’s recuperation time with poison ivy and catwoman. once she had recovered to mostly fighting-fit, harley took off, kidnapped joker, and spent several weeks methodically torturing him and inflicting every wound on him that he’d ever inflicted on her before dropping him off half dead at the gcpd. she was doing this out of anger, yes, but it wasn’t just anger. if it was just anger, she would have killed him. she still loved him. (is that healthy? no! this is fiction! relationships in fiction do not have to be healthy or unhealthy to be well-written or well-developed or interesting or even enjoyable! you can enjoy something in fiction while recognizing that it is unacceptable in reality and not wanting it to ever be reality! for example: zombie apocalypse scenarios!) her reasoning was that if he could go through all that and still want to be with her– if he felt the same way about their relationship as she did– then she would go back to him and they’d figure things out. if not, then she’d leave him in the dust. after some time, he did come back to her, and they’ve been (mostly) equal partners in crime ever since. their relationship is tumultuous and unhealthy, yes, but it’s more or less a constant in both their lives. they’re used to relying on each other and working with each other– they feel at home with each other in ways they rarely feel with other people. so in that sense, joker “helps” harley because they have a very well-established rapport, and he provides her with (relative) constancy and the sense of having a home she belongs to.

3. harley thinks and acts differently with joker than she does with other people. harley desperately needs to be liked and accepted, and in order to achieve that, she often compartmentalizes and puts on different “faces” with different people. (every human being on the planet does this, whether they realize it or not; it’s called facework and you probably have it to thank in part for getting your job, starting your relationships, and a bazillion other things). being with him, and thus being exposed to his mindset and manifestos, pushes her to adopt a more violent and less empathetic face. that being said, being with him encourages her to fall deeper into her psychosis, to view the world in extremely simple and child-like terms. she doesn’t have to think about who she is as a person or what she deserves or what she’s truly capable of doing; she can just fall into this old familiar role. and this role fits her. this role was created for herself, by herself. so in this sense, joker “helps” her by not putting her in situations where she feels some kind of internal struggle, which can lead to mental upset as i have discussed before.

3.5. note: being with poison ivy pushes harley to be a better person and adopt a less destructive and more empathetic face. joker may “help” harley by not challenging her at all, but ivy could help harley much more by constructively challenging her. however, their relationship (again, as i interpret it) does have obstacles to this end, and those will be discussed in the next bullet point.

4. people other than joker tend to react to her mental illness and emotional needs very poorly. they often expect her to be able to support herself completely on an emotional front, to function perfectly fine when alone on a mental front, and essentially seem to believe that harley is under some kind of evil influence from the joker which will magically remove itself with zero fallout once they break up. let me make this perfectly clear: harley had mental health problems long before she met joker. he did not somehow “make her crazy”; she had been prone to neuroticism and dramatic mood swings ever since she was a child, and the more severe psychosis she has today had been developing from the time of guy kopski’s death, several months before she ever met the joker. while the joker did influence the final shape and nature of harley’s mental illness, he was not at all the cause of it, and thus, his presence in or absence from her life is not going to dictate her ability to function. it is also worth noting that, due to her mental state, she would have fixated on anyone the way she fixated on joker-- she needed for someone to take care of her and make her feel part of something the way guy kopski did--, developed the same type of delusions and psychosis, and turned to a life of crime. all joker did was provide harley with an opportunity to act out the way she wanted to. so! that addressed, let’s move on to how people other than joker tend to handle her mental illness and emotional needs: most notably, batman, bruce wayne, poison ivy, and catwoman.

batman. batman constantly exploits her mental illness and her emotional weaknesses. while this is understandable as a way for the hero to get the upper hand in his conflicts with the villain, that does not make it okay, and it certainly does not do anything to make harley’s lifestyle healthier. batman does not come from a perspective of wanting to help harley. batman comes from a perspective of wanting to hurt and disorient harley enough that he can take her out quickly and easily. this happens so often that his go-to method for handling harley at this point seems to be “if i can’t take her out within the first three hits, i’m going to start pushing buttons until she breaks down”. it’s cruel. it’s unhealthy. it pushes her further and further down the rabbit hole of “i am just a Bad Guy doing my job and the Good Guys take things way too far and make everything hard for everyone else”. batman reacts in incredibly negative ways to her mental illness, and he dismisses her emotional needs entirely in order to reach his end goal of catching joker or ivy or whoever harley’s working with, seemingly with no care over how his actions are going to affect her mental or physical health. additionally, he justifies these actions-- which, personally, i classify as going past the realm of standard hero/villain damage and into the realm of straight up abuse-- by victim blaming her for her own psychosis and drastic emotional needs (both of which are almost entirely the result of some kind of trauma or neglect in her life), essentially, if not literally, saying “normally, i wouldn’t be this mean to somebody, but since she’s boning my greatest enemy, she must be insane, and we’ve been doing this for so long that she must be a lost cause, and since joker’s not here, i’m just gonna take out all my rage on her, and like, if she didn’t want me to do this, she should just stop being mentally ill and doing things in ways that are dictated by her mental illness and unfulfilled emotional needs”. (see: mad love, where he manipulates her into calling the joker even though he knows it will certainly result in her being hurt, and then does absolutely nothing to address the fact that joker pushed her out of a 4-6 story window which probably killed her. like, i’m not trying to be a villain apologist here, that’s the last thing i want, but that is? a really shitty thing for batman to do? and if he didn’t treat harley like that over and over again i would say it was super out of character for him to (a) let it happen in the first place and (b) not seem to care if it killed her at all? but he does treat her that way? repeatedly? constantly? i’ve made a post about it before and this is already getting super long so i’m not gonna list all the other times he pulls this shit on her but like. trust me when i say “batman exploiting harley’s mental illness in ways he knows will get her hurt and then not caring about how badly hurt she gets and justifying it with the grossest victim blaming logic” is pretty much the go-to routine for their fights now.)

bruce wayne. yes, bruce and batman are the same person, but harley doesn’t (consciously) now that, and the two personas react to her mental illness in drastically different ways. batman comes from a perspective of violent and impulsive exploitation, but bruce comes from a perspective that’s... well... almost a calmer and more calculated exploitation. does bruce want to help her shape up re-enter society? yes. does bruce put personal investment into helping harley do that? sometimes, yes. is he doing it more or less out of the goodness of his own heart? yes, absolutely. but here’s the thing: bruce only tries to help harley once harley is no longer perceived a threat to batman. bruce’s good will towards harley is entirely conditional. he has left her to rot in arkham just as much as, if not more than, he has come to her aid about parole. he follows the fallacy that joker has some kind of evil influence on her, and that once that influence is removed, she’ll be perfectly normal. that’s not how it works. a good example of this is in the detective comics issue where harley and batman team up to defeat ventriloquist ii: bruce, as a member of arkham’s board, denies harley parole at the beginning of the comic, despite her being clearly desperate to prove she’s ready to re-enter society. later, as batman, he has no sympathy for her mourning of the original ventriloquist or her anger that his title and m.o. has been taken by someone else-- not even with the knowledge that the original ventriloquist was her only friend in arkham, and were it not for him, she probably would have committed suicide. it’s not until the very end of the comic, after harley has acknowledged that arnold wesker was a criminal and turns herself back into arkham-- essentially, after she submits to batman as the moral standard who is always right in his eyes (not “after she admits that she has made poor decisions and is trying to atone for her actions as a criminal” or “after she explains to him that her perception of morality may be different but that does not mean it is entirely wrong and invalid”, both of which she does if i’m remembering correctly, but “after she submits to him as the moral standard who is always right in his eyes” by acknowledging wesker’s villainy and not resisting when he brings her back to arkham). again: bruce’s actions do fall into a pattern that is more or less default for hero/villain dynamics, but given the context of these interactions and the way they repeat over and over again, his actions begin to move outside the realm of standard hero/villain interactions and into the realm of abuse.

poison ivy. ivy loves harley! harley loves ivy! that does not change the fact that they both have their own individual problems that can foster an unhealthy relationship dynamic at times! ivy wants harley to break away from joker entirely because ivy has been in an abusive relationship (jason woodrue) and broken out of that abusive relationship and understands both how difficult it can be and how much better your life will be if you do get out. that’s awesome! that’s great! ivy loves harley and she wants to see harley grow as a person, to be more independent, to be stronger emotionally. those are all honorable and good and altruistic and healthy things for ivy to want for harley. however, in order for harley to achieve that, she needs someone who understands that the joker isn’t just her partner, he’s part of her backstory that cannot be erased. she won’t ever be able to leave him behind and say “i wish i never met him” or “i am what i am because of me and he had nothing to do with it”, and she would never want to, because it simply isn’t true. but, that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t ever want to leave him behind, period. the problems with harley and ivy’s relationship stem from ivy’s inability to understand the full extent of harley’s relationship with and feelings for the joker; thus, when harley expresses something to the extent of “this man was a huge part of my life and it wasn’t super horrible and it made me who i am so i’m not going to dismiss it and may even remember it fondly”, ivy hears something like “i owe this man my life and because of my perceived debt to him for ‘creating’ me i am reluctant to completely break away from him”. so ivy tries to force harley to cut joker out of her life, which harley can’t do, and since ivy does not understand the full extent of harley’s relationship with joker, she can’t provide adequate emotional support if harley needs it in the process of breaking away from him, and it is just. a huge mess. and i hope and pray with all my sapphic heart that one day harley and ivy will sit down and talk frankly and get this all out in the open so they can live happily ever after without joker coming in to fuck everything up. or ivy/harley/joker happens. like-- i’m not picky. i just want harley to be happy. but yeah, anyway, back to what i was saying: ivy reacts to harley’s mental illness and emotional needs pretty well, except when it comes to stuff about joker, which comes up a lot, and so whenever they come close to making any progress they kind of sabotage themselves and it all falls apart.

catwoman. selina and harley’s dynamic here is pretty similar to ivy and harley’s in this sense, i think, except that selina seems generally content to live and let live wrt harley and joker as long as he/his relationship with harley doesn’t become a problem in her own life. the problems with selina and harley come from harley being unable to reconcile selina’s gray morality with her own Good Guys vs. Bad Guys worldview. selina may not understand harley’s psychosis or her relationship with joker entirely, but she doesn’t have the same bias that ivy does about it, and that allows selina to be more supportive of harley emotionally. however, selina and harley have had various fights and falling outs over the years, and given harley’s mindset, it’s easy for harley to convince herself that selina is either 100% A Bad Guy And Safe To Be Around or 100% A Good Guy Who Is A Traitor And Deserves To Die. it also doesn’t help that harley sees selina’s relationship with batman almost the same way selina sees her relationship with joker: acceptable as long as the man remains at arm’s length, because if he gets too close, the woman will choose him over her friends. the basic issue between selina and harley, i think, is that selina does not address and often does not acknowledge harley’s relationship with joker until it becomes a problem, and by then, it is no longer a discussion, it is selina telling harley what her options are. harley sees this as a double standard, given selina’s relationship with batman, and from there it is very easy for her to see selina as a Good Guy in disguise and deem them enemies. it’s not something selina does; it’s harley’s inability to process what selina does in a healthy way. (note: imo, selina has every right to handle harley and joker’s relationship this way, and she is one of very few people in harley’s life who provide her this kind of “me or him” discipline in a way that’s not an ultimatum. she lets harley do her thing and she doesn’t want to be involved in that thing and when that thing is over she and harley can get back together again, and as long as that thing doesn’t infringe on selina’s life, she doesn’t really pay it any mind. compared to harley’s other relationships, that’s actually a pretty healthy dynamic.)

so! wowza! this got really long! now you see why it was in my drafts for months on end! to summarize: i am talking here specifically about joker helping harley return to baseline operations after some kind of mental upset, not about joker helping harley on a more holistic level, because he really doesn’t. however, there is a difference between him not helping her and him actively sabotaging her. he does not actively sabotage her (anymore). joker and harley have known each other for the better part of a decade, and they know each other better than anyone else; they have an established rapport and they are essentially each other’s home. because of this, joker often understands her mental illness and emotional needs better than others, and is better able to give her what she needs in regards to grounding and support after a mental breakdown. many people in harley’s life react to her mental illness and emotional needs very poorly or even exploit it for their own ends, or they may unsuccessfully try to support her because they do not understand her needs. this is not to say that everyone except joker is terrible at helping harley recover, nor is it to say that joker is the only one who understands harley’s mental illness and emotional needs-- for example, jonathan crane has known harley since she was in college, and given his profundity in psychiatry, he’s probably better at helping her recover than joker is. arnold wesker, when he was alive, also helped her just as much if not more than joker does. ivy could help harley much more than joker-- on all levels-- if she and harley addressed the miscommunications and misunderstandings between them.

i hope this makes sense and i hope it wasn’t too hard to read orz and thank you for sending this question and the other ones before it, they were very involved and have made me delve into harley’s character much deeper than i have been lately. peace dude ✌

#Anonymous #answered

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moiraineswife · 7 years

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so? everyone doesn't like lucien because he tries to force feyre to go back to spring? BUt he doesn't know what the night court is actually like? everything he tells feyre about it is what he believes? so,, in his mind,, this guy this rhys is manipulating her or forcing her or ect. and he wants her safe and tamlin isn't safe but its safer than the sadistic killers he tells feyre about in tar?? and he saw how rhys treated feyre in utm - and it was noT. nice. he's just trying to help her?

Yeah?? I think people kind of...struggle seeing things from Lucien’s perspective? Feyre is their main character, concern and focus so they just...Look at things from her POV and focus on her needs and situation and don’t really...Think of anyone outside it? I don’t think the Inner Circle helps in this instance because they were, all of them, almost as instrumental in Feyre’s recovery and understanding of her abuse as Rhys was. They just consider the character’s surface actions not the context behind them (like the fact the IC are in a position to help Feyre and will face 0 negative consequences for that which...isn’t exactly what Lucien is facing here)

And then, as you point of, Lucien doesn’t know what Rhys is like really? This is the man who has put on the public face of the High Lord persona he uses in the Court of Nightmares for years before Lucien was even born. As far as Lucien knew/was aware of he was the right hand and whore of the woman who gouged his eye out and cursed his High Lord, himself, and his people. This is also the man who held Lucien’s mind and was ready to crush it and completely strip Lucien of his self and identity. This was something that Rhys was capable of doing while Amarantha was holding a good portion of his power in thrall so it’s not really a surprise that Lucien believes Rhys is fully capable, both in terms of his powers and his morals, of manipulating Feyre, making her love him, turn her back on Tamlin for the purposes of hurting Tamlin. (because...using Feyre to hurt/use Tamlin is something Rhys has done before)

Rhys was playing a part, yes...but it’s a part that he played extremely well and revealed to few. That has consequences. While I agree that Tamlin wildly overreacted when he went to Hybern for help the fact remains that his reasons for doing that actually comprise...pretty sound logic. Look at it from their point of view.

Rhys forced Feyre into a bargain UtM entitling him to take her for a week per month. He turned up to enforce this bargain during their wedding (Lucien had no idea that Feyre was panicking at this point and begging for help - he’s not a mind reader) He basically kidnaps Feyre as far as Lucien is concerned and this time she doesn’t come home...she sends them a letter but, like, what’s the more believable scenario for him? That Rhys forged said letter to taunt Tamlin or that this all powerful, malevolent, sadistic lord of night taught the young, illiterate girl how to read and write so she could send it herself? Yeah. Add to that Tamlin’s...instability and Lucien’s desperation to keep his court and his home together, plus his worry for his friend in the hands of this sadistic court who plants severed heads in their fountains for the hell of it and it’s...not entirely surprising that Lucien is fearful for Feyre’s safety and wants to bring her home (by force if necessary because she can’t see past Rhys’s influence) Rhys made this bed, frankly, in ACOTAR and in the centuries before cultivating a reputation that keeps his people safe but incredibly isolated. Lucien just seems to be the one fandom is forcing to lie in it.

Also I feel like people focus on what Lucien didn’t do rather than what he did (and what happened to him as a result)

Like, he’s known Tamlin...pretty much his entire life, let’s say 350 years for easy counting shall we? Tamlin took him in, gave him a place, a position of respect in his court and protects him from his sadistic murderous family. And has done so for three hundred and fifty years. Feyre on the other hand he’s known for, what? less than two years certainly at this point, she showed up after she killed and skinned one of his friends (something Lucien feels guilty about) Plus the fact that Tamlin. Is. Abusing. Him. Tamlin has been emotionally and physically abusing Lucien for centuries that kind of thing isn’t something you can just switch off and overcome for the sake of bettering someone else’s situation? If it was he’d have left that court and that influence years ago (if he even recognises the situation he’s in which is...sadly doubtful)

And in spite of literally all of that Lucien still helps Feyre??? Repeatedly??? He’s willing to let Rhys wipe him out to protect her name (and he’s only spared because Feyre intervenes). He saves her life and is brutally whipped for it. He nearly dies alongside her in the second task because he’s someone that no-one will mourn and more importantly that no-one will help and he knows that and accepts it. He tells her not to make him pick...Not to make him pick between her, someone he’s known less than a year at this point, who killed his friend but that he’s befriended anyway and his High Lord, the man he considers a friend, the person he’s sworn to obey and the person he completely and utterly relies on for everything. And he still stands up to him. Repeatedly. Even when Feyre won’t, when she’s given up effectively Lucien pushes back again and again and again. He gets dismissed, belittled and physically harmed as a result of this. Yet he still promises to try again in spite of that.

And guess what? Fandom saying that Lucien should do more? That he isn’t trying hard enough? That he’s sitting back letting this happen in spite of his position, in spite of his abuse, in spite of the consequences of him pushing back even a little. Lucien feels like this too. Lucien feels guilty for not doing more.

Thoughts slammed into me, images and memories, a pattern ofthinking and feeling that was old, and clever, and sad, so endlessly sad andguilt-ridden, hopeless—Then I was back,blinking, no more than a heartbeat passing as I gaped at Lucien.His head. I hadbeen inside his head, had slid through his mentalwalls—

People, myself included, have focused on this passage as showing that Lucien is likely depressed due to his situation, that he feels ‘endlessly sad’ and hopeless which isn’t really surprising. But in this moment he also feels guilt-ridden, not just feeling a little bad or a little guilty, fully guilt-ridden. This is the moment where Feyre encourages Lucien to push back because they’re right and Tamlin is wrong and she wants him to fight for that and instead he backs down.

And this is how he responds to the situation. He feels sad, he feels guilty and he feels hopeless. He feels guilty about not pushing back, not standing up for Feyre (not himself) but he also feels hopeless. There is nothing he can do. There is a limit to what he can do, the impact he can have and he knows that. Lucien isn’t stupid, Lucien is actually pretty damn switched on and intuitive when it comes to people and he knows Tamlin well, he knows what’s going to happen if he and Feyre keep pushing and he knows it’s not going to be pretty or pleasant for either of them.

This isn’t laziness, this isn’t silence, this isn’t complicity (that argument genuinely disgusts me tbh) this is survival instinct. This is a person who has been trapped in this situation for a very long time and has learned when to shut his mouth for his own good. That isn’t selfish; that’s just what he’s been forced to become to survive this situation and I don’t know how anyone can truly blame him for that.

Feyre needs help in this situation and Lucien can’t give it to her (though he tries, puts himself at risk to try for her) because Lucien needs help too. A little bit of compassion wouldn’t go amiss tbh, Lucien is suffering from PTSD and depression, is being emotionally and physically abused by someone he’s indebted to and completely relies upon....and he still tries to help Feyre. Let’s just...think about that for a minute before we start accusing him of ‘supporting Tamlin’s abuse’ please and thanks.

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m0th-punk · 3 years

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This is something that's been on my mind for a long time. Long ramble under the cut

TL;DR: Grazer-razor has some of the worst black and white mentality I've ever seen and I can tell he has never critically examined his biases a day in his life.

Because I'm a terrible little gremlin who can't leave well enough alone, I've been reading these posts

Ignoring the absolute stupidity of these statements (I'm pretty sure the lack of rainbow logos is because in many middle eastern countries, homosexuality is a crime and these companies just want to make money. But I'mnot going into the nuances and implications of rainbow capitalism today.), something stood out to me.

Does Grazer... genuinely think nobody has ever criticized the Muslim faith? That we all ignore the homophobia present within the religion just because they're a minority? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen even some of the most staunch leftists criticize things like their horrible treatment of homosexuality or the rampant sexism often sanctioned by radicals. Even other Muslims, especially women and lgbt+ Muslims, have been critical of these things.

It wouldn't shock me if Grazer believedthat anyone who supports Muslims believes they can do no wrong. After all, he thinks any criticism of Christianity is hatred, and dismisses any harmful things Christians do as not being "real" Christianity in a classic case of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy.

Note how he didn't even respond to the first asks comments, just accused them of being me (because obviously any time someone sees his blog it's all my fault /s)

So it seems like in Grazer's mind, there are only two options when it comes to religion: Uncritically praise and defend everything a religion does no matter how heinous it is and justify it because it's done in a God's name, or condemn anyone who practices it as hateful terrorists. Because he doesn't see people doing the former for Christians, he automatically assumes that they're doing the latter, and vice versa for Muslims.

Also note how he gets mad when muslim faith is "respected" (again, homosexuality is criminalized in many of these areas) but then demands a secular children's show cater to his religion for the sake of his precious childhood.

(Also, can we just talk about the absolute fucking cruelty in this answer? There are people out there that had their childhoods ruined by abuse, illness, losing loved ones, homelessness, poverty, bullying, near-death experiences, having their countries torn apart by war, a shitty foster care system, teen pregnancies, and so many other things that can absolutely destroy a life. Grazer's was ruined by… *checks notes* a cartoon character supporting gay rights and a drag queen singing a cutesy children's song. So yeah, if that's the worst part of his childhood he's pretty damn lucky, and the fact that he has the gall to still complain absolutely makes him selfish and ignorant. It's disrespectful, plain and simple, and if he were truly a good Christian he'd have some compassion.)

Okay, so Grazer has some weird "rules for me but not for thee" shit when it comes to religion. This isn't news. Where am I going with this?

Well, turns out he has this opinion about more than just religion. Know how I know this? His response to ESRB ratings and trigger warnings.

So it seems like Grazer sees the ESRB as some sort of moral compass, in a way. Something being rated E or E10 means it's pure and good and wholly unproblematic, while anything higher means it's evil and disgusting and he can't even look at it.

This is further confirmed by this post, where he flat-out states he sees the ESRB as deeming what things are and are not morally acceptable.

Now Grazer, I'm gonna explain this as best as I can, because it seems like you don't quite understand this. Read very carefully.

This is not the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

I repeat, this is NOT the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

The ESRB does not decide on what is and is not morally correct. It simply says "This game contains these topics, and as such is most suitable for people in this age group.". That's it. It's a guideline, not a rule.

Let's take cartoon violence, for instance. It's a very common warning the ESRB puts on games. Almost every game from Mario to Sonic to Crash Bandicoot and even Monster Tale has this warning. These games are all rated E for everyone. Does this mean those games are promoting violence to children, or claiming things like Bowser kidnapping Peach or Pinstripe trying to gun down Crash are perfectly okay and morally correct? Of course not. It's simply saying that these games contain mild, non-graphic violence, but most children should be able to handle seeing it.

On the other side of the coin, let's take a look at the warnings for nudity and sexual themes. Most games that contain these topics are rated T at the lowest and AO at the highest. This obviously isn't saying that nudity and sex are inherently bad or evil. All it's saying is that these topics are best handled by adults (And, regardless of morality, it is illegal to distribute sexual content to minors unless it's meant to be educational, like a health class textbook).

A few extra points:

. Games can be rated different things in different countries. Different countries have different regulations. Do you know why the blood in Danganronpa is pink? It's because in Japan, games with excessive amounts of blood and gore are given a Z rating (Japan's equivalent to an AO rating). They got around this by making the blood pink, securing the game its desired M rating. Meanwhile here in America, Mortal Kombat is allowed to show as many graphic, brutal deaths as it wants and still receive an M rating.

. ESRB ratings are not legally enforceable. I was so convinced as a 16 year old that the employees at gamestop would try to card me or something when I was picking up a copy of Bayonetta, and I was surprised when they simply rang me up in two seconds, no questions asked. It doesn't happen. For fuck's sake, one of the first games I ever played, at the tender age of four, was Soul Edge. A T rated game. The only instance ESRB ratings are legally enforced is in the case of AO ratings, as these games often contain incredibly graphic violenceor sexual content. If this outrage is coming from the idea that certain ratings will keep younger people from playing these games from a legal standpoint, don't worry. A nine year old is not gonna get arrested for playing Among Us. Just don't buy them GTA San Andreas or Leisure Suit Larry and everything will be fine.

. No two consumers are exactly alike. While one 13 year old may be perfectly fine with the jumpscares in Amnesia, another may be too scared to even go near the piano in Super Mario 64. That doesn't mean either of these games is rated incorrectly. The ESRB is there, once again, as a recommendation for the average consumer, and doesn't take individual experience into account. An individual experience is not their responsibility. It's also on parents (or you yourself!) To decide what the consumer can or can't handle.

"But Haley," I hear you say, "What if this piece of media DOES contain something morally bad?"

Well it's simple. You are allowed to like things AND still criticize the bad parts of it.

Hold on now, I'm not telling you that it's perfectly alright to enjoy things like Birth of a Nation or anything like that! Contrary to popular belief, there are some pieces of media that are truly too steeped in hatred and morally reprehensible things to be supported, even through a critical lense. The only merit things like that have is to serve as a warning: This is a terrible thing made for terrible reasons, and we should not allow it to happen again.

But outside of those rare circumstances, it's not so cut and dry.

Let's take a piece of media i actually enjoy, for instance, so you know I'm not a hypocrite: Persona 5.

Persona 5 is easily one of my favorite games in the Persona series. It does a lot of interesting stuff, the artstyle and soundtrack are (in my opinion) the best in the series, and overall it's very enjoyable for me.

But, like anything, it's not perfect. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with the hypocrisy the game has in regards to the sexualization of teenagers. While Kamoshida is rightfully condemned for his sexualization of teenage girls and Ann's persona awakening comes from rejecting this objectification, the game and story undermine it by not only putting Ann in a sexually revealing outfit, but also making light of Ryuji's sexual harassment by adult men (Allegedly Persona 5 Royal tries to fix this by making the men drag enthusiasts who think Ryuji would look good in drag and giving them more sympathetic personalities, but it's still really weird and hypocritical of the game to do this.). The teenage protagonist is also allowed the option to date adult women, including his teacher, and the game rarely if ever touches on the problems with this.

The game's homophobia also left a bad taste in my mouth. Aside from the aforementioned men who sexually harass Ryuji, the only other canon LGBT+ character is a bar owner who is either a drag queen or a trans woman (or both?). Sure, she's portrayed as being kind and protective of the protagonist, but there isn't much room to interact with her or learn more about her. On top of that, not only can the protagonist not romantically pursue his male friends (A feature that even the SECOND persona game had), he's not even allowed to give them gifts or platonically show affection towards them without the dialogue mocking him. The game that allows a teenage boy to date his teacher won't allow him to simply give his male friends a present.

And yet, despite those criticisms, I do still enjoy the game. I don't consider the game irredeemable garbage based on those poorly handled topics alone. And I also understand that for some people, those topics make them so uncomfortable that they don't want to play the game at all, and I completely respect that.

Criticizing the things you enjoy is not only normal, it's oftentimes healthy. Being able to step back and say "I like this thing, but I don't like the bad things it's done. This thing would be better if these issues were fixed." Sure, sometimes some people tend to complain a bit too much about the media they supposedly enjoy, but for the most part being able to acknowledge the bad with the good is a good skill to have.

Oh, wait, all of this means nothing because Grazer thinks that critically enjoying things is nothing more than an excuse to consume media he doesn't personally agree with. Okay then.

So if he can't even realize something as simple as "it's okay to criticize some parts of media that you otherwise enjoy", how can he be expected to look critically at a religion that he's been raised in and around all his life?

Soooo yeah, Grazer has some serious problems with black and white thinking that he refuses to acknowledge, further worsened by the fact that he's practically been brainwashed into believing that Christianity is the ultimate moral compass that everyone should follow. I understand that this tends to be an issue for neurodivergent people, but it's not an excuse for the actions he does that are related to these things (sending death threats to the ESRB, antagonizing others, etc.

#dirty napkin #long post

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