#bro became uncle sam

[violetvalval]

Why this panel lowkey give off "I WANT YOU FOR THE U.S. ARMY"

Like- I can't be the only one.

#red hood #jason todd #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #batman #robin #second robin #uncle sam #bro became uncle sam #jason todd is red hood #under the red hood

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e11 first born (w. robbie thompson)

this reminds me a bit of teen wolf in the plot overload disorder. i don't think i even bothered mentioning abaddon last episode. too much shit going on! also makes me laugh that we're in the 1800s, teen wolf also had this very weird (not good) flashback for the history of the argents (in the 1700s) 😂

all right, i know it's cain here, but i don't know anything really beyond that. except the mark at some point.

CROWLEY So...is that boudoir smile for me?

crowley's back in his sweet spot of evil but also maybe helpful but also probably trying to fuck you over. much better than just flat evil

CROWLEY I've been chasing that blade for decades. The closest I got to it was when one of my droogs -- Smitty -- got wind of a protégé demon of Abaddon's who claimed knowledge of the blade. Sadly, before Smitty could nab the guy, a hunter by the name of John Winchester nabbed the protégé. I'm here to see if there's anything in the John Winchester memorial library that might lead us to the first blade -- to killing Abaddon. DEAN You want to hunt? With me? CROWLEY I do love a good buddy comedy.

i know people talk up how crowley feels about dean but to me crowley is just horny for literally everyone and/or no one. sheppard is just so charismatic in this part

why is this so cute!

laughed out loud, good one. i'm the BEST liar, i totally fucked you both over, don't you remember??? don't besmirch my lying abilities, bro

i thought being totally sober would make me less loquacious but sadly, no ;(

CROWLEY Is all this really necessary? I mean, I've been inside your brother. We're practically family. DEAN Listen to me. We are the furthest thing from family. You got that, dickbag?

while dean does like to adopt every stray he comes across, the king of hell apparently doesn't qualify 😩

cas seemed disappointed about the lack of an actual guinea pig. understandable

sam barely keeping it together haha

hello sarah connor 🔥

CROWLEY I can help. Dean? DEAN He wants Abaddon as dead as I do. TARA If your daddy could see you now.

stop the doom spiral of guilt, dean. it's complicated, okay??? and shooting the floor in her own shop to break the devil's trap, what the actual fuck 😂

CROWLEY Would you care to join us? TARA Him? Anytime. You? Never.

hot lady who banged his dad, of course she wants to jump dean too. reminds me of this

s7e19 of grave importance

SAM Annie's not usually this late, is she? DEAN No, never. She's totally compulsive. I'll try her cell. SAM You know, uh, you know she and Bobby had a thing, right? DEAN Yeah. Yeah, I knew that. Really? SAM Yeah. Kind of a foxhole thing – very Hemingway. DEAN Huh. She and I kind of went Hemingway this one time, too. SAM All right, well... that happens. DEAN What, you too? SAM Look, it was a while back. We ended up on the same case. She was stressed. I-I-I... I didn't... have a soul. DEAN That's a lot of foxholes.

what a pretty face! i don't know much religious lore but i wasn't expecting cain to be scary for crowley. i have no idea where he lands in the food chain, in fact

DEAN Why don't you just zap out of here? CROWLEY I'd never leave my domestic partner in crime. DEAN [snorts] Yeah, like your heart grew three sizes. You can't zap out of here, can you?

i wonder if crowley could make it an entire day without flirting with anyone

CASTIEL Sam, the trials. You chose not to go through with them for a reason, didn't you? You chose to live rather than to sacrifice yourself. You and Dean... You chose each other. SAM Yeah, I did. We did. And then... Dean made a choice for me.

😔

how does finding gadreel fix things?

cain became a demon, okay (aha things are clicking that i know from fic lol). so with the whole dean and sam are descended from cain and abel, does that mean cain is grandpa? uncle?

CASTIEL No. Why must the Winchesters run toward death?

good question, cas

sometimes i wonder how things are lit (in all media, not just spn), if they're trying to give the appearance of someone being on the verge of tears. when you got that highlight near your lower eyelid, it really looks like it regardless of actual tears accumulating. anyway,

SAM My life's not worth any more than anyone else's -- not yours or Dean's...or Kevin's. Please. Please, help me do one thing right. Keep going.

oh, sam.

@shinelikethunder linked this fight scene with rhianna's s&m over it, i may not be feeling the vibes op is talking about but i can appreciate it nonetheless :) it's a really good fight scene for jackles and great song choice. i'm always mourning the spn that could have been with better music 😔

looking to see if there was a clean version on spotify of s&m out of curiosity and laughing that there's a kids version of the "sex in the air, i don't care i love the smell of it, sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me" song

DEAN Right. Yeah, except I didn't kill my brother. CAIN You saved yours. Why? DEAN Because you never give up on family -- ever. CAIN Where's your brother now, then?

ouch.

also, cain is retired, other demons didn't know where he was, but apparently he still gets the hot gossip on the winchesters somehow.

CASTIEL Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do. But nothing is worth losing you.

oh i see

ah fucking hell speaking of music, this melody is back. what did i associate it with last time. twilight and something. i think when dean was praying in his room to cas. it's at the very end of this post, i included video of it - s8e16

something about this mushy music has me feeling twilight or hunger games and i'm not sure which. ugh. bella's lullaby / rue's music (but that doesn't even have piano but it does have that plucked acoustic guitar like day before yesterday's s8e14 princess bride-esque music)

and apparently it really was time for sam and cas quality time. but anyway this melody is so familiar, kicks in when cas says the thing about him screwing up more than sam. is it a slowed down version of some spn theme? urgh. question may go unanswered until i rewatch from the beginning.

so anyway, that was a nice moment. i like how robbie is writing cas this episode

DEAN The jawbone of an animal. The jawbone you used to kill Abel because he was God's favorite. CAIN Abel wasn't talking to God. He was talking to Lucifer. Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet. I couldn't bear to watch him be corrupted, so I offered a deal -- Abel's soul in heaven for my soul in hell. Lucifer accepted... As long as I was the one who sent Abel to heaven. So, I killed him. Became a soldier of Hell -- a knight.

listen i don't know these stories except for very broad strokes but okaaaay interesting twist

ABADDON We could have been forever, but you chose her. Well, if I can't have you, then neither can she.

i see. ex and you're her... creator? complicated

welp. i didn't know dean was getting the mark in this episode, wheels are in motion

aw. sweet sammy

CASTIEL As far as I'm concerned, Metatron is the key to fixing everything that's wrong. I'm gonna find him. You know, Sam, we could use all the help we could get to find Gadreel and Metatron.

--

CROWLEY You don't mean that. We're having too much fun. Listen up. Even with the Blade, we're gonna need all the help we can get against Abaddon. DEAN Go find the Blade. CROWLEY It's always something with you boys, isn't it?

cute. but yes, show sure likes to do it!

i'm sure it's fine

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 9x11 #spn clip #mark of cain #castiel #robbie thompson #spn musical score #spn mushy music

[dannyphantom-justiceleauge]

As much as I believe Vlad to be an iredeemable asshole in cannon, I like the idea of a begrudging mentor Vlad. Like, say in an alternate universe everything starts of the same but he's not got some evil plan to kill Jack and marry Maddie. He's bitter and resents them for turning him into this abomonation, resents them for being happy when he can't, he tries to stay connected, but he just can't stand being near them and fears their reaction to his ghost side. (1/3)

(2/3) He takes advantage of his new powers, he steals and cheats his way to power, living life lavishly, but it doesn't make him happy, none of it fills the emptiness in his heart. He spends most of his life miserable up until one day he invites the Fenton's on a whim, perhaps in some desperate attempt to find happiness again, where he meets Danny. It goes similarly how it went in the show, Vlad discovers he is a halfa like him, see's how his parents treat him... ~ ~ ~ i think part 3 got eaten, bro, but i'm gonna work with what i got.

Vlad sees this kid who's like him who's parents still talk about killing ghosts and destroying them in front of him. not knowing that they're threatening Vlad. that they're threatening their own son. he see's these so called scientist haven't learned anything about ghosts in the years that they've been estranged and that they've managed to make the same mistake twice.

and he see Danny, a moody teenager, going through the traumatic process of dying and gaining hard to control powers on top of being a highschooler and social pariah. he sees this kid in desperate need of guidance and sees his parents who are neglectful and unaware of a fact he learned within a day of knowing Danny. and he says, "if you can't handle the responsibility of having a kid, he's mine now." yoink

except, obviously, he's really, really bad at it. being a mentor, winning Danny over, being a good person. all of it.

initially he just straight up offers to help Danny learn his powers and that works, Danny agrees, because Vlad isn't trying to kill danny's parents or attacking him, or stalking them, so Danny has no reason not to accept the help. Vlad seems okay for all his rich guy eccentricities.

but then the lessons actually start and danny realizes. oh. this guy has no idea how to teach. and oh this guy has the moral compass of a rotary fan. and Danny initially goes with it. in canon danny's can be swayed by petty stuff and money up to a point. he can let a lot of shit go and is even willing to do some soft crime if he thinks it's for the right reasons. and Vlad might beat him up when trying to teach him to fight, but that's part of training, right? and he might be changing a little under Vlad's influence but danny doesn't see that as a bad thing, until Sam and tucker basically call him out and he accidentally hurts one of them. something that Vlad had told him to do.

so danny bails. basically confronts Vlad and tells him he's a shitty mentor and that he's gonna peace out. suck eggs, fruit loop.

but Vlad had thought things were going well. he's gotten attached. he doesn't want to go back to being alone and he and danny are the only two of their species in the world. so typical villain/stalker stuff happens between them for a bit. Vlad tries to win danny over with money, with manipulation, with blackmail. and Danny isn't having it. (he has blackmail on Vlad too). Vlad is growing increasingly desperate and looks and acts a mess. this is a vulnerable Vlad. we're not getting well kept always cocky and put together except when danny embarrasses him Vlad. we're getting a pathetic man trying to cling to the only human(ish) connection he has and slowly falling further into depression and insanity.

and Danny pities him. because Danny had that human connection too. in the early days before he decided he got to see vlad's dorky and cool side. Vlad was generous with his money. vlad only swears in food. he lights up when he watches a packers game and is a total fanboy.

and Danny kinda gets how he became like this. how his isolation and loneliness and fear drove him further and further down the road of corruptness and evil. Danny learns what he would become without his friends and if anything Vlad is better than that. it's almost similar to how he is with val. he understands where she's coming from and sees that she's a good person even if her actions have taken a turn in the wrong direction. he feels the same about Vlad. he thinks maybe he can convince Vlad to be better.

so redemption arc/reverse mentor relationship because danny is gonna be trying to teach Vlad how to stop being a fruit loop and start making some friends his own age. the comedy potential of that is amazing. i have the mental image of Danny convincing vlad to go on a date with Harriet Chin and coaching him from behind her even though he has next to no dating experience either. pure shenanigans.

i also see there being several back and forth instances of kidnapping. Vlad locks Danny in his house because he doesn't want to be alone (Danny eventually escapes and gets mad. Vlad learns never to do that again). Danny kidnaps Vlad to be a chaperone at a school event, mostly to get Vlad to lie for him. another time Vlad kidnaps danny to go to a rich person party because he said he had a kid in a pathetic attempt to make a friend (moral of the episode is lying to make friends doesn't work) so he just has Danny pose as his son that whole episode and they're trying to get along and seem happy, meanwhile snipping at each other in whispers. they think no one is buying that they're related but ironically them arguing at the end of the night is one convinces the person they're family. "me and my daughter would fight all the time, especially at events she didn't want to come to." probably muddies the moral but that's common enough in dp.

just gradually develops into a weird redeemed uncle/mentor dynamic. Vlad really isn't teaching Danny much. he still occasionally has his moments to shine with explaining new powers and showing danny how to commit tax fraud or lie to the police. but he's mostly just this weird guy who's first friend in twenty years is a teenager.

- Hestia

#dpjl #hestiawrites #danny fenton #vlad masters #danny phantom

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Being Peter Parker’s Little Sister Would Include

Even as a young boy Peter knew to protect you with his life

He hated seeing you upset

So, he always made sure you were happy

Sure, he was the kind of brother that would tease you to no end

But he was also the kind who would hold you when you cried

He’d help you while you studied

Always gave you first pick

And he made sure you’d never feel a lack of love or acceptance

Him along with Uncle Ben and Aunt May made sure your childhood was a happy one

You were lucky enough to be so young that you don’t remember your parents

But you felt guilty for it

That you couldn’t remember the people who gave you life

So, you were always asking to hear stories about them

You and Ben would be curled up on the couch while he told you about your mother and father

You and May would bake and cook and clean together, always trying out new things and forcing the boys to eat it

Even though your life didn’t have such a good start

It was perfect

Until one day

A burglar broke into the house and held you at gun point, telling Ben he’d shoot you if they didn’t show him whatever was in the house

Your uncle Ben tried to reach for you but you heard a shot by your ear

Even though you shut your eyes you still saw the bullet hit Ben and felt his blood on your face and heard his body hit the ground

May and you saying your goodbyes to him, crying on the floor, covered in his blood

When Peter came home you were wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the edge of the ambulance where they were loading Uncle Ben

The next few days passing by in a blur

Crying in Peter’s arms while he tried to stay strong for you

One day after crying your heart out you managed to fall asleep in Peter’s bed

Seeing your face, he just broke down apologizing for doing this

You met Spiderman a few days after the funeral, at Uncle Ben’s grave

“I’m so sorry, if I had stopped the burglar before then this wouldn’t have happened to you. I promise I will find him and make him pay.”

“It was.... horrific. I saw it with my own eyes. That someone wouldn’t need to blink before taking someone’s life. That someone lacked so much humanity that they broke into a home and killed someone’s family. He’s a monster.”

“I’ll make him pay for what he did to your family.”

“If you kill somebody then you’re no better than he was. Don’t blame yourself, Spiderman, Uncle Ben wouldn’t have wanted it. Blame yourself for a very short time, but in turn, remember it forever. Don’t forget about him.”

“I promise.”

Just as Peter was about to leave, you spoke up again

“Uncle Ben always used to say that there wasn’t a point in becoming a new you if you forgot who you were.”

Suddenly Peter felt extremely nervous and sweaty and you turned to him with a small smile

“I’ll get my life together, I have my aunt and my brother, but I won’t forget who I used to be with Uncle Ben. You should do the same.”

He smiled awkwardly under the mask but you obviously didn’t see it before leaving without another word

You watched him shoot a web and swing away, chuckling

“Come back home safe tonight, Peter.”

Things get better after that

The man who killed Uncle Ben was caught and turned over to the police

And you begin to start paying attention to Peter’s alter ego

Being quick to accept his half-baked excuses and even giving better reasons to Aunt May

Sometimes you wonder just how stupid Peter thinks you are though because he expects you to believe these excuses of his

Always coming to the rescue when he forgets to do something because he was so busy

When he left Aunt May and you waiting at a restaurant for him, you conveniently remembered how he had a school project right when you saw Spiderman swing by the window, trying to catch a few criminals

When he forgot to bring Uncle Ben’s cake home, you picked it up saying that you took the reminder off his phone because you were planning to choose the best looking one

When you saw Harry waiting at the library for him, you told him that Peter got sick so he went home early

Keeping the first aid kit always stocked should Peter need anything

Teaching him to sew but telling him it was part of a home ec exercise so he could learn how to stitch up his own suit

Always silently looking after Peter

Whenever the three of you see a news report about him and Aunt May says that he’s awesome

You chuckling and saying

“Behind every amazing man there’s an equally amazing woman.”

Peter totally agreeing and then being nice to the two of you for the rest of the day

Things take a turn however when an Osborn gone crazy trying to get his hands on Peter finally turned his head to see you

And in his twisted goblin brain, he finally gets an idea

Peter’s DNA is too difficult to get his hands on because he has super powers and has been mutated because of the spider bite

But yours?

Blank slate free for him to manipulate

And you couldn’t fight back

It was all too easy to pluck you right out of their hands and bring you to his lair

Peter goes crazy trying to find you

Begging Nick, nearly in tears to help him find you

And Nick is actually kind of worried because he’s never seen Peter this way

Dispatches as many troops as he can afford trying to look for you

And as per Spiderman’s daily routine, he begins blaming himself

If you got hurt because he wasn’t there to protect you again, he’d never forgive himself

When they find you, you’re in a stasis chamber, nearly dead

There were vials of blood all over the place, and you looked severely malnourished

Peter definitely cried when he saw you

The team trying to comfort him, trying to get him to eat something while you’re in the med bay but him not moving

Although one day they notice something weird

Your heart rate suddenly spiked for some reason and you began tensing and struggling in the bed

Peter tried to get you to relax and immediately called a doctor

When they tried injecting you with a tranquilizer however your body was covered with a blue slime before slamming the doctor against the wall

It wasn’t difficult to figure out

You had been infected by a symbiote

It wasn’t long after that you woke up

Peter and Aunt May cried when you opened your eyes

They told you that Spiderman and his team saved you and even though you wanted to meet the team something told you that Peter was reluctant to get back in the suit

So, you continued to pretend you had no idea of his alter ego

Even though regular coma patients have to go through physiotherapy to get back their physical strength

You never had to do anything of the sort

They S.H.I.E.LD. doctors assume it’s because of the symbiote

You noticed how closed off Peter became and one day sat him down

“What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t deserve to be in this family.”

“What?! How can you say that?!”

“All I do is bring bad luck and people end up getting hurt because of me!”

“It wasn’t your fault Peter. How could you have known that the Goblin would have taken me.”

“It is my fault. Because of me, Uncle Ben was killed and because of me, you could have been too. I bring misfortune to everyone I ever loved.”

You see the way his face falls and your heart breaks

To see him blame himself this way and hate himself

To see him questioning his identity

The reason he became Spiderman was to make sure no innocent ever got hurt but because he was Spiderman his baby sister nearly died

So, you gently took his hand in yours

“I already told you, didn’t I? Blame yourself for a short time. But remember it forever.”

His eyes widened, remembering what you told Spiderman nearly a year ago

“You knew?”

“I’ve always known. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you, Peter. You risk yourself every day to protect other people.”

“And I couldn’t even protect you.”

“I’m okay now. I know how you must feel but I hate seeing you like this. Uncle Ben would’ve hated it too. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m responsible for keeping my family safe.”

You didn’t know how to help him

You knew he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders and that it was difficult to live a life like this

‘With great power comes great responsibility’

But sometimes things are out of your control

So, you don’t say anything else and just pull him into your arms

The way he did when Uncle Ben had passed

And gently rubbed his back

“I love you, bro.”

And he just breaks down in your arms, apologizing for everything and you just held him tight and trying to calm him down

And in the middle of his crying he managed to stutter out an ‘I love you too.’

And then the two of you become the Spider Siblings

Dance Parties on the ceiling and swinging around town in the morning because you both slept in and now you’re late

Swining races that he claims to let you win

Talking about life while hanging from the side of a building

Going to Uncle Ben’s grave to keep him updated and tell him not to worry because now there are 2 superheroes there to protect Aunt May

Him training you and being extra hard on you during training because he wants you to be better than him

But also becoming sugary sweet after training and offering to piggyback you home because you’re so tired

Will let you take naps in the corner of the training room while he trains

Hates it when you get along with Sam

Also gets super stressed out when you’re on the field and tries to double the amount of people he fights so you don’t have to

But he knows you can hold your own

And gets really proud when you do but won’t tell you

Always makes sure you’re eating well and sleeping well

Now if you ever brought a boy home you never know what to expect

Sometimes he just teases you to no end 

Or he completely freaks out and goes totally papa bear over you

In conclusion

Peter Parker as a big brother isn’t the type to be completely like a guardian

He has a lot of things going on in his life so he ends up relying on you a lot

But you wouldn’t trade him for the world

#Ultimate Spider-Man #ultimate spiderman #ultimate spider man #ultimate spiderman x reader #ultimate spider man x reader #peter parker #peter parker headcanon #peter parker sister #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #spider man x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #USM #usm x reader #USM x you

[the-invisible-queer]

RANT:

Steve Rogers is a friendship deserter

All that "I'm with you to the end of the line" was BULLSHIT

The first chance he got to dive into some British pussy he abandoned his best friend.

Because the woman he knew for a few months was the "love of [his] life".

Keep in mind, based on what we've seen it doesn't seem like he's met and dated many women.

But yet he abandoned his best friend WHO HE STARTED A WHOLE WAR OVER MIND YOU

I understand. Peggy Carter is gorgeous and wonderful and amazing. I would kill many men for her.

BUT WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ME

We're talking about Steve Grant Rogers who went against protocol to save his best friend.

Who went against protocol to protect his best friend.

WHO WAS WILLING TO TRY THE IMPOSSIBLE TO BRING HIS BEST FRIEND BACK

And let's not fucking forget how he started a support group after the blip to help people who lost loved ones AND INSTEAD OF TALKING ABOUT HIS BEST FRIEND WHO HE LOST IN THE BLIP

Pussy whipped Mr. Rogers talked about the woman he buried YEARS ago.

ALSO by him going back and living life with Peggy means he had to bury Peggy a second time. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF

P L U S by him marrying Peggy, he became Sharon's uncle. And he still fucked her in his timeline.

So like now as Sharon's uncle, he probably watched her grow up. How fucking weird is that?

His bitch ass left Bucky to navigate the modern world almost alone. Sure Bucky had Sam but Sam only understands the struggle so much.

Like Steve knew firsthand the culture shock of being in the modern world.

He broke the "bros before hoes" rule and for that he shall never be forgiven.

It's 5pm and I'm hungry.

This is a joke. I love Steve. It's not his fault he made a decision with his dick instead of his heart.

I blame the Russo Brothers.

I'm not saying Peggy isn't worth that stupid decision. She deserves the world. Which she got to live after the war before Steve's dumbass fucked things up.

I love Peggy Carter with all my soul and I would drop Bucky for her in a heartbeat. But again, I am me. Not Steve. I don't have the history he has with Bucky.

#steve rogers my beloved dumbass who broke every time traveling rule for some puss #the cons outweigh the pros of him going back to be with Peggy

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.” 

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

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As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

#fanfic #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield x reader #tom holland #fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #harrison osterfield fluff #harrison osterfield

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Wolves (A White Demon’s Love Song, Part 5.)

Series description: A new job was what the reason you found yourself on a lonely roadtrip on the western coast, ending up in the woods of Olympian Peninsula. Yet a sudden car malfuction was what cause your unplanned stay in Forks. To your surprise, there was a lot of sinister things going on under the veil of fog.

Part summary: The wolves now had to come up with a different strategy since the vampires coming so close to the town was a thing no-one expected so soon. Yet, a secret was to be revealed that night.

A/N: Heavily inspired by the Phascination Phase (Carter Burwell for the Twilight movie), because... Idk, there’s something so ambient about the track. 

Tagging: @missdictatorme​

Word count: 3.7 K

Twilight playlist: ✨ Twilight Crackheads ✨

Series masterlist: H E R E

A few hours ago, La Push, Emily's house:

Jacob stood in the opened door for not longer than a moment, watching you leaving the garage in his black towtruck. For the most part, you should be safe. Why the hell was Jacob so stressed about keeping you safe? You were, for now, just a normal Forks citizen like everyone else. Maybe it was just that you were his personal responsibility for some time now. He offered you a place to stay - naturally, you accepted the offer because you counted on being safe. And just ten minutes ago, a leech almost made you their personal lollipop or worse, they might've made a newborn out of you. Thanks to God, the shifter scent was too strong for the vampire. She saw Jacob waiting for you in the opened back door, but it was the typical stench that made her stop.

Jacob saw her for a fragment of a second, just standing there and watching you laying on the ground. Then, she gave Jacob a teasing smile and in the next second, she was gone. It was at that moment the man knew he had to send to some location which was overseen by the shifters all the time. There was also a second reason to keep you at Charlie's - that bitch surely smelled your scent. Since you didn't really live at the small flat, the werewolf scent wasn't covering you enough - and the raincoat didn't help much anyway. At the end of the day, it was you, who was still just a normal human being.

As soon as the truck disappeared behind the high school, Jacob walked to the back of the building and walked into the woods. Fuck the motorbikes, he was way faster on all four. He could borrow something from Sam, so he just bound the tore sweatpants around his upper thigh and let the animal take the lead. Of course, Leah and Quil noticed immediately - there was confusion in the group shared telepathic web. - 'Did something happen?' - Leah asked, but hadn't moved from her spot. She knew better than to annul the formation because Jacob had just shifted. At first, Jacob didn't answer and just let both her and Quil to look inside his mind. At first, both of them got way more confused when they saw the strange girl jumping out of the woods - yet then they felt it. The humongous smell of rotten tomatoes, the wolves could feel her presence and they saw her, just standing there with her eyes wild and hungry, the grin on her face was threatening.

'Okay, now I get it.' - Leah muttered after a moment. Sure, there was still a hint of confusion and curiosity regarding you in the shared consciousness, but honestly, you weren't that important in the bigger picture. - 'I can't believe she came so close! She was trying to get through here... I guess the cold one must've caught her scent. Are we going after her?' - Quil asked immediately, getting ready to run to Jake's position. - 'They're just trying how much closer they can get and top of that, that leech has already run away. I'm on way to Sam, we'll be trying to figure out a different system of watching Forks.' - Jake said in a calm voice, running in the direction of La Push at the highest speed he was capable of. - 'I'll be checking on the southern part of the city... Quil is on the west. Sam has five boys here today, so there will be no problem to run in circles around the town.' - Leah told Jake and since Quil caught on what she was doing, he immediately started to assure their leader as well. - 'No chance they're slipping, boss.'

Since that moment, both of them kept their thoughts silent. Quil and Leah were a good team - ever since Leah left Sam's pack, she became quieter and calmer. Now, she wasn't such a pain in the ass. And Quil didn't want to disturb with too much of empty thoughts in case something might've happened. For once, it was nice not to deal with Seth's endless sunshine energy. - 'I won't tell my little bro a thing, but thanks for the compliment.' - Leah laughed inside Jake's head. The phase where he was rolling his eyes after every word Leah said out loud was far behind him, now, he snickered lightly as well. - 'I would appreciate that. Okay, I'm at Sam's. Once we figure something out, I'll let you know.'

Jacob didn't wait for their answer and changed into his human form. Hastily, he put his old sweatpants on and ran to the house and knocked on the door. The twins, Emily and Sam's small girls, were running around the place and as Emily approached the door, she tried to calm the kids down. Yet as soon as they saw Jacob behind the door, they started to yell excitedly again. Emily wasn't stupid - as soon as she saw Jake visiting them during the day, even if Sam and Jake usually met during the nighttime watch, she knew something happened. The woman let Jacob inside and put cookies on the big plate in the middle of the table, saying... - "Give me a minute, I'll wake Sam up." - With that, she disappeared inside the house.

Sam was always taking his time getting up - yet when his wife said Jake's name and that he came just so he could talk with him, he tried his best. When he finally walked into the kitchen, half-dressed uncle Jake was sitting at the table with a muggle full of fresh coffee and watched small Brianna and Ellie drawing with various colors of wax crayons. It was just a small, peaceful moment that was not to last long. As soon as Jacob looked up to Sam, the older man could see the emotion in Jake's face. It... It wasn't fear, not even horror - it was rage. The younger man wasn't shifting, he was just angry. - "Angels?" - Sam smiled tiredly and kissed both of the twins on their temples. Both the girls smiled at their dad, but before Sam started talking again, Bri was already babbled at him, because both her front teeth fell out. - "Daddy, look! I drew you and mamma. And this is uncle Paul, auntie Rachel and... Auntie Leah and..."

The picture was more or less a formation of stickmen - each of them had a crazy hair color... But sure, it was the La Push family. - "You should go play to your room for a bit, my birds. Come on, I need to talk to uncle Jake. You can have him later." - Sam smiled. The girls hadn't got a favorite - but they were super pumped when Jacob came back to La Push since he was now living in Forks for the most part. Rachel and Paul were taking care of Billy, so he had more time for himself and his love for cars. - "Okay!" - Ellie cried out happily, picked a few crayons, and ran to their room with loud, happy squeals, Brianna following right after. These kids were always happy. Jake could see all the things Sam was fighting for. He had a lot to lose.

"Start talking. I know you're not here just to say hi." - Sam muttered out with a loud yawn, pouring some coffee into a mug as well. Emily was standing behind the stove, preparing some eggs and bacon for both the men. At that point, she didn't even ask - Jake just had to eat everything Emily had served. - "Yeah, something like that. That vampire bitch just showed up behind my house. Not even an hour ago." - "Did you try to catch her?" - Sam fired back immediately. Even though they had their differences back in the day, even if they argued a lot when Jacob left his pack, Sam was still worried about his brother in arms. For God's sake, they knew each other since they were small boys. Sam was just five years older. - "Unfortunately... Listen... She wasn't hunting me down, she was after someone else." - "That girl who's car crashed here? I've seen her in your head, just a glimpse." - Jake nodded.

"Well, this is getting worse and worse, I'm not going to lie. How did the girl get into trouble?" - Sam asked just when Emily served the breakfast; then she quickly kissed Sam's cheek, smiled at Jake, and left to the children's room so she would make sure they don't hear anything. - "I think she just went on a walk, she seemed off when I found her. Sam, Y/N realized something was in the forest with her." - "What did you tell her?" - "Well, I tried to misguide her, tell her that it was just a mountain lion." - For a moment, both the men fell silent. - "She might be on the target list now." - Sam muttered out after a moment. It took a while before everything clicked in Jake's brain. - "That girl borrowed my raincoat, but her scent was still too strong..." - "And if she saw you there, she might figure out that she's our weak spot. Where is she now? Is she safe?" - Sam didn't care who the hell you were - it could be anyone from Forks, La Push, Port Angeles and he would still care the same. The Protectors committed to protecting everyone in the town, no matter if they were a tourist or a local.

"Y/N? She's at Charlie's now, but he'll be coming to La Push later this afternoon. I asked him to take her with him. My people are here, your people are here - if they'd feel the slightest hint of the leech's stench, they'd go right after them. Leah and Quil are helping with watching the city boundaries." - Jacob leaned his back to the chair. His back was hurting really bad, but there was no time to rest now. - "How could the bloodsucker just slip past us? I don't understand?" - "We should call the doctor finally, ask him about the things regarding this group of leeches... I don't have a single good feeling about them."

Just ten minutes after Jacob proposed the idea, Sam was debating with Carlisle on the phone, describing everything about the group of vampires living near to Forks now. Carlisle said to Sam that this behavior can be considered normal - except the noticeable skills, these had with hiding their smell and tracks. Such vampires tended to be old and experiences - they had most probably encountered their first group of extremely good trackers; ones such as James was. After some time, the vampires who lived too long already wanted to feel the thrill of the game. James's talent was tracking - yet such things could be learned through hundreds of years of experience. It could be significantly harder since the shifters hadn't estimate how many of the players were out there. Sam's pack had encountered one, Jacob was one hundred percent positive there was a second one... But there could be one more. And once the vampires would figure out the right formation, there was nothing that would stop them. Well, this wasn't any good news. Fucking trackers.

"Do you think these old vampires might show here, doctor?" - Sam mumbled, listening to Carlisle's calm, enjoyable tone on a speaker. - "The Volturi?" - "Yes, I mean these we had already met. Can these be sent by them?" - For a moment, Carlisle was quiet, yet both men could hear chatter in the background. - "Hardly." - Alice's jolly voice answered suddenly. - "I can't see them even thinking about Forks or going there, or sending their people there. Aro is still hoping that he might get us, but... No. He doesn't choose to send his people your way." - She explained quickly. - "Are the vampires too conspicuous? I hadn't seen any news reporting murders in Forks." - Carlisle muttered after a moment, audibly going through some newspaper. This made Jake grin a bit; the man was still looking after his former place of stay. - "No." - Jacob said simply, which made Carlisle sigh. Well, that didn't mean anything good. - "Then the Volturi will hardly come to dismantle them, unfortunately. As long as the vampires aren't violating any laws, they won't be stopping them. Do you think that you need help?"

Clearly, Carlisle was asking 'should we come to help you?'. If there would be any sign that the pack can't do it on their own, they would spend no time sitting around. No matter what were the pack's members' opinions on the Cullens, Jacob had to say that the liked this family of leeches. - "No. We're doing just great, I just wanted to be informed. Have a nice Carlisle, nice hearing from you." - With that, Sam hung on the phone after the doctor said his goodbye and wished the men good luck. The news wasn't good at all. A pack of damn tackers who wanted to play a game with the pack.

After all, they were there to hunt - yet they were willing to take their time, wait for the pack to grew tired and then slip by in the dead of the night. What could've been worse? And the Volturi were neither behind this operation or about to stop it. There were dark clouds on the horizon, which wasn't making them any calmer. Both of them went for a short walk around Sam's house, trying to figure out... Something. And the only solution was... - "No. Sam, this isn't happening." - Jacob put both his hands on his chest, having the typical expression of an angry five-year-old. - "It's just a t-shirt." - Sam answered back, rolling his eyes. - "I already told her there are mountain lions... Sent her to a stranger's house and to a place she never been at. Now, I'll be stealing her clothes?" - Jacob snickered, shaking his head.

"She's the weak spot right now. They want to start a game, we will start a game, then - and on our own terms. All we need is her scent." - Jacob knew Sam was right, but... Seriously, you've been thinking about his ill intentions (killing you, let's be honest for a minute) since the first moment you saw him. And now, he was supposed to steal a piece of your clothing? Well... - "Okay. Okay. I'll try to get something. When we're talking about clothes, can you lend me some for the afternoon? I'll be picking her up on the beach." - With this question, both men walked back to the house for Jake to keep the promise. He spent playing with the girls a huge portion of his day, just before he fell asleep on Brianna's bed, snoring on the whole house.

To get to the beach, he certainly didn't use his human form. That would be too slow. He called to Billy's, making sure you're still at the beach - or if you decided to take off and maybe run away from Forks. Jacob wouldn't flinch at that. He wouldn't be surprised if you did. Yet, you still were there - with Rachel. The man groaned at that, as all little brothers do, rolling his eyes. He could only imagine everything Rachel told you about him. Dear Lord. Now, you could justify thinking like a killer when talking about him. Rachel didn't spare his good name at all, Jacob was positive there.

It was a busy day at the beach. Normally, Quil would spend his time there with Claire - yet the boy knew that sometimes, protecting the place because of the people you love is important as well. For a moment, he was just standing there and watched the sea lazily waving around - he knew that somewhere in the woods, there was Jared looking after the La Push territory. And just when he was thinking about that, he saw you and Rachel walking out of the forest side by side, laughing at something. Great. He could only guess how many stories did Rachel pull out.

Of course, he wouldn't Rachel walk home alone - it was almost six miles to their home after all. But he didn't plan on stopping on a visit either. Billy, who was in the elder council, naturally understood that Jacob was rather busy in the last few days - but Charlie did come to the car and made you roll down the window. - "I just wanted to ask... Hm... How was the beach?" - It looked like genuine interest from Charlie's part, which made you grin. It was nice of him to ask. - "Rachel showed me around... It was pretty impressive. I need to tell my friends about it, definitely." - Then, the cop shot a quick gaze at Jacob. For the love of God, he was hoping that the boy won't drag you into some funky business with him. - "If anything happens, I'm at the phone number all the time, okay?" - Charlie reassured himself before patting the side of the truck and leaving without waiting for you to answer. You were just watching him leaving back to the house, with a small smile on your face.

Jacob tried to ask you about your day, but you could tell that the 'worse' Jacob was now in the position. He didn't seem to smile a bit, he was kinda mumbly and quiet for the most part. As you walked into the garage again, you knew you had to do something. This couldn't wait two days. No. You had to do it immediately. As soon as he would sneak out, you'll follow right after. Yeah, mountain lions, sure... This made you grin as you worked on the paperwork once more. Throughout the whole time, you hadn't seen Jacob - the whole time, he was outside and worked on your Beetle, changing the smaller parts he had with him. It was obvious that you will have to visit a wrecking lot soon - in search of working components, hustling the best prices out of that. By the way, the components were even on sale - those which your car needed so desperately. The wrecking lots were your last chance.

Around the same time as the previous day, you've just told Jacob you're going to take a shower and go to sleep - which he only barely acknowledged. He was too busy working and thinking about Sam's theory. It wasn't right. The vampire girl saw Jacob looking out for you and even though she didn't know you two have nothing in common, she most likely connected you as partners of sorts. He could steal one of the t-shirts you've put into the laundry, couldn't he? All it took was an article of clothing to lure the leeches somewhere where they wouldn't be in advantage - like a huge plain, the one next to Ozette Lake. Fuck, this was uncomfortable. He couldn't even look you in the face.

That night, when he was leaving for the watch, he didn't even lock the door - it wouldn't be functional against a vampire. He was to stay nearby the town, looking after the damn house - while Embry and Seth, as humans, got their orders from Sam. Jacob didn't know what the strategy was - he had only Jared and Brody on the watch in Forks. Jared could be only barely counted in since he was sleeping while walking. The boy took a 24 lasting shift, no wonder he was so done.

As soon as you noticed Jake marching to the woods, you put his raincoat on, since it was raining again, and went after him, lurking in the shadows. If Jacob would be in his normal human self, he would hear you. He wouldn't smell you, since the rain and wind was making the scent trail fade away rather quickly, but he would know somewhere's there based on the sounds. You weren't as dumb to walk straight after him - you could barely see him, hiding behind the trees, but you could still hear him breathing. Dear God, was he breathing loud? You hadn't noticed before. Suddenly, he stopped and started to breathe quicker and quicker.

Curiosity got the better out of you, let's be honest here, as you sneaked past a few trees, getting closer to him, finally catching a good look at the man. He was... Breathing really quick, shaking. His muscles were visibly tensing under his skin, but you knew that something wasn't adding up here. Was he having a seizure? Was he chanting himself before another kill? Or was this the ritual after which the second part of his split personality came out? Fuck, you were confused. Your nails dug deeper into the tree and your breath hitched as the tension got the better out of you. Unknowingly, you pressed to the wet, cold tree and didn't blink from that point on.

It was fascination at its best. You didn't even jump when growls cut through the silence, resonating through the whole, quiet forest. The man fell on his knees, growling and grunting in immersive pain. And that was when you saw it - a strike of russet fur flying out of his body, traveling on his spine. And then... Jacob exploded. He quite literally was torn to shreds, just like his worn-out pants and instead of a man... There was a wolf, bigger than you. This animal could eat you like an appetizer and barely blink about it. No matter how beautiful the animal was, your brain couldn't grasp what was happening at the moment. In combination with holding your breath for the last minute, it resolved in one thing. As you forcefully grasped for any air, your head spun. Once, twice, and then you felt your body falling to the ground. Maybe, you would've got up, but you felt the back of your head hitting a root on the ground. A dull thud sounded through the forest as it started to fade away.

You fainted. This caught Jacob's attention as he realized something terrorizing - he had a lot to explain now.

#it's just a t-shirt #imma getting this tattooed hoes #sam uley be a legend #sam uley #emily young #sam and emily uley #jacob black #jacob black x reader #leah clearwater #seth Clearwater #embry call #quil ateara #the twilight saga #twilight saga #twilight crackheads #twilight renaissance #we be getting spicy here #la push #forks washington #charlie swan #rachel black #paul lahote #billy black #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #james the tracker #oh yeah baby

[timeless-hollywood-classics]

Rose Joan Blondell (August 30, 1906 – December 25, 1979) was an American actress who performed in film and television for half a century.

She began her career in vaudeville. After winning a beauty pageant, Blondell embarked upon a film career. She established herself as a Pre-Code staple of Warner Bros. Pictures in wisecracking, sexy roles, and appeared in more than 100 films and television productions. She was most active in film during the 1930s and early 1940s, and during that time she co-starred with Glenda Farrell in nine films, in which the duo portrayed gold diggers. Blondell continued acting on film and television for the rest of her life, often in small, supporting roles. She was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in The Blue Veil (1951).

Near the end of her life, Blondell was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in Opening Night (1977). She was featured in two more films, the blockbuster musical Grease (1978) and Franco Zeffirelli's The Champ (1979), which was released shortly before Blondell's death from leukemia.

Rose Joan Blondell was born in New York to a vaudeville family; she gave her birthdate as August 30, 1909. Her father, Levi Bluestein, a vaudeville comedian known as Ed Blondell, was born in Poland to a Jewish family in 1866. He toured for many years starring in Blondell and Fennessy's stage version of The Katzenjammer Kids. Blondell's mother was Catherine (known as "Kathryn" or "Katie") Caine, born in Brooklyn, Kings County, New York (later Brooklyn, New York City) on April 13, 1884, to Irish-American parents. Joan's younger sister, Gloria Blondell, also an actress, was briefly married to film producer Albert R. Broccoli. The Blondell sisters had a brother, Ed Blondell, Jr.

Joan's cradle was a property trunk as her parents moved from place to place. She made her first appearance on stage at the age of four months when she was carried on in a cradle as the daughter of Peggy Astaire in The Greatest Love. Her family comprised a vaudeville troupe, the "Bouncing Blondells".

Joan had spent a year in Honolulu (1914–15) and six years in Australia and had seen much of the world by the time her family, who had been on tour, settled in Dallas, Texas, when she was a teenager. Under the name Rosebud Blondell, she won the 1926 Miss Dallas pageant, was a finalist in an early version of the Miss Universe pageant in May 1926, and placed fourth for Miss America 1926 in Atlantic City, New Jersey, in September of that same year. She attended Santa Monica High School, where she acted in school plays and worked as an editor on the yearbook staff. While there (and after high school), she gave her name as Rosebud Blondell, such as when she attended North Texas State Teacher’s College (1926–1927), now the University of North Texas in Denton, where her mother was a local stage actress.

Around 1927, she returned to New York, worked as a fashion model, a circus hand, a clerk in a store, joined a stock company to become an actress, and performed on Broadway. In 1930, she starred with James Cagney in Penny Arcade on Broadway. Penny Arcade lasted only three weeks, but Al Jolson saw it and bought the rights to the play for $20,000. He then sold the rights to Warner Bros., with the proviso that Blondell and Cagney be cast in the film version, named Sinners' Holiday (1930). Placed under contract by Warner Bros., she moved to Hollywood, where studio boss Jack L. Warner wanted her to change her name to "Inez Holmes", 34 but Blondell refused. She began to appear in short subjects and was named as one of the WAMPAS Baby Stars in 1931.

Blondell was paired several more times with James Cagney in films, including The Public Enemy (1931), and she was one-half of a gold-digging duo with Glenda Farrell in nine films. During the Great Depression, Blondell was one of the highest-paid individuals in the United States. Her stirring rendition of "Remember My Forgotten Man" in the Busby Berkeley production of Gold Diggers of 1933, in which she co-starred with Dick Powell and Ruby Keeler, became an anthem for the frustrations of unemployed people and the government's failed economic policies. In 1937, she starred opposite Errol Flynn in The Perfect Specimen. By the end of the decade, she had made nearly 50 films. She left Warner Bros. in 1939.

In 1943, Blondell returned to Broadway as the star of Mike Todd's short-lived production of The Naked Genius, a comedy written by Gypsy Rose Lee. She was well received in her later films, despite being relegated to character and supporting roles after 1945, when she was billed below the title for the first time in 14 years in Adventure, which starred Clark Gable and Greer Garson. She was also featured prominently in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945) and Nightmare Alley (1947). In 1948, she left the screen for three years and concentrated on theater, performing in summer stock and touring with Cole Porter's musical, Something for the Boys. She later reprised her role of Aunt Sissy in the musical version of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn for the national tour and played the nagging mother, Mae Peterson, in the national tour of Bye Bye Birdie.

Blondell returned to Hollywood in 1950. Her performance in her next film, The Blue Veil (1951), earned her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. She played supporting roles in The Opposite Sex (1956), Desk Set (1957), and Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957). She received considerable acclaim for her performance as Lady Fingers in Norman Jewison's The Cincinnati Kid (1965), garnering a Golden Globe nomination and National Board of Review win for Best Supporting Actress. John Cassavetes cast her as a cynical, aging playwright in his film Opening Night (1977). Blondell was widely seen in two films released not long before her death – Grease (1978), and the remake of The Champ (1979) with Jon Voight and Rick Schroder. She also appeared in two films released after her death – The Glove (1979), and The Woman Inside (1981).

Blondell also guest-starred in various television programs, including three 1963 episodes as the character Aunt Win in the CBS sitcom The Real McCoys, starring Walter Brennan and Richard Crenna.

Also in 1963, Blondell was cast as the widowed Lucy Tutaine in the episode, "The Train and Lucy Tutaine", on the syndicated anthology series, Death Valley Days, hosted by Stanley Andrews. In the story line, Lucy sues a railroad company, against great odds, for causing the death of her cow. Noah Beery Jr., was cast as Abel.

In 1964, she appeared in the episode "What's in the Box?" of The Twilight Zone. She guest-starred in the episode "You're All Right, Ivy" on Jack Palance's circus drama, The Greatest Show on Earth, which aired on ABC in the 1963–64 television season. Her co-stars in the segment were Joe E. Brown and Buster Keaton. In 1965, she was in the running to replace Vivian Vance as Lucille Ball's sidekick on the hit CBS television comedy series The Lucy Show. Unfortunately, after filming her second guest appearance as Joan Brenner (Lucy's new friend from California), Blondell walked off the set right after the episode had completed filming when Ball humiliated her by harshly criticizing her performance in front of the studio audience and technicians.

Blondell continued working on television. In 1968, she guest-starred on the CBS sitcom Family Affair, starring Brian Keith. She replaced Bea Benaderet, who was ill, for one episode on the CBS series Petticoat Junction. In that installment, Blondell played FloraBelle Campbell, a lady visitor to Hooterville, who had once dated Uncle Joe (Edgar Buchanan) and Sam Drucker (Frank Cady). That same year, Blondell co-starred in all 52 episodes of the ABC Western series Here Come the Brides, set in the Pacific Northwest of the 19th century. Her co-stars included singer Bobby Sherman and actor-singer David Soul. Blondell received two consecutive Emmy nominations for outstanding continued performance by an actress in a dramatic series for her role as Lottie Hatfield.

In 1971, she followed Sada Thompson in the off-Broadway hit The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds, with a young Swoosie Kurtz playing one of her daughters.

In 1972, she had an ongoing supporting role in the NBC series Banyon as Peggy Revere, who operated a secretarial school in the same building as Banyon's detective agency. This was a 1930s period action drama starring Robert Forster in the title role. Her students worked in Banyon's office, providing fresh faces for the show weekly. The series was replaced midseason.

Blondell has a motion pictures star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for her contributions to the film industry. Her star is located at 6311 Hollywood Boulevard. In December 2007, the Museum of Modern Art in New York City mounted a retrospective of Blondell's films in connection with a new biography by film professor Matthew Kennedy, and theatrical revival houses such as Film Forum in Manhattan have also projected many of her films recently.

She wrote a novel titled Center Door Fancy (New York: Delacorte Press, 1972), which was a thinly disguised autobiography with veiled references to June Allyson and Dick Powell.

Blondell was married three times, first to cinematographer George Barnes in a private wedding ceremony on January 4, 1933, at the First Presbyterian Church in Phoenix, Arizona. They had one child, Norman Scott Barnes, who became an accomplished producer, director, and television executive known as Norman Powell. Joan and George divorced in 1936.

On September 19, 1936, she married her second husband Dick Powell, an actor, director, and singer. They had a daughter, Ellen Powell, who became a studio hair stylist, and Powell adopted her son by her previous marriage under the name Norman Scott Powell. Blondell and Powell were divorced on July 14, 1944. Blondell was less than friendly with Powell's next wife, June Allyson, although the two women would later appear together in The Opposite Sex (1956).

On July 5, 1947, Blondell married her third husband, producer Mike Todd, whom she divorced in 1950. Her marriage to Todd was an emotional and financial disaster. She once accused him of holding her outside a hotel window by her ankles. He was also a heavy spender who lost hundreds of thousands of dollars gambling (high-stakes bridge was one of his weaknesses) and went through a controversial bankruptcy during their marriage. An often-repeated myth is that Mike Todd left Blondell for Elizabeth Taylor, when in fact, she had left Todd of her own accord years before he met Taylor.

Blondell died of leukemia in Santa Monica, California, on Christmas Day, 1979, with her children and her sister at her bedside. She was cremated and her ashes interred in a columbarium at the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California.

#joan blondell #golden age of hollywood #classic hollywood #classic movie stars

[omnivorousshipper]

Shobbs- Shovel Talks: Part 3

Hello everyone! Here’s the latest chapter of Shovel Talks! I’m super happy everyone has loved it so much. This would have been the last part, but my mind decided it would have been a good thing to add an epilogue as well. So there will be a part 4 some time. This is also on my AO3: Omnivorous_Reader.

 I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Deckard really is the worst at giving Luke the Shovel Talk. But his family isn’t.

Part One: Hattie

Part Two: Owen

Final Part: Epilogue (Or Deckard’s Revenge)

Magdalene

“Bye Dad!”

“Have fun, sweetie!” Luke Hobbs called back as he watched the front door being slammed shut, and leaving him completely alone. Cocking his head to the side, he stared for a moment, still not sure what had just happened. 

For the last few weeks, Owen and Hattie had been staying in Los Angeles, both giving loose reasons as to why they were there. Luke had been able to see through the pair’s bullshit, but Deckard had just laughed at Luke’s concerns. 

“They always do this,” Deckard sighed and shook his head. “Every time I get with someone, those two freak out and try to scare them away. Just ignore them. They’re mostly harmless.”

Luke did not particularly like the playful wink Deckard had thrown at him after that last comment, but he decided to take it in stride. He did not say anything as he noticed the two almost became a natural occurrence in the Hobbs home.

It had started with Sam asking them to stay for the weekly Hobbs’ movie night. Luke still could not stop laughing at the look of horror that crossed Hattie’s face. Apparently she was not as good as her brothers when it came to children, and she had immediately started to panic when the thought of sitting through a children’s movie was mentioned. Luckily, Sam had chosen Moana, and Hattie had visibly relaxed. 

Since then, Sam would invite “Uncle Owen” and “Aunt Hattie” to help her with homework, to practice soccer, or anything else she could think of. It was obvious that the younger Shaw siblings adored Sam just as much as their older sibling, and that they were also just as much wrapped around her little finger as Deckard was. Luke had been happy to have another two people in Sam’s life, but he had put his foot down the third time Owen had let her skip school. 

Slowly, the small branch of the Hobbs family had fused with the Shaw family, giving Sam an even bigger support group, and Luke two more annoying younger siblings. And even though it had taken time for him to adjust- specifically to Owen- Luke had to admit he was glad they were in his life now. But that did not mean he did not get suspicious once in awhile. Like now.

For the last two weeks, he would walk into a room and see the two Shaws with their heads together and whispering. Once they noticed him, they would whip around to look at him and say nothing until he left the room. Again, Deckard just shrugged and told him not to worry.

“They’re probably plannin’ a heist that they don’t want you knowing about.” Even with that non-reassurance, Luke did not let his paranoia go away and watched the two closely. So, he knew immediately they were planning something big when they had asked Sam if she wanted to go to the zoo. Of course, she had accepted. Luke was not surprised by this, but he was extremely surprised when they begged Deckard to go with them. And then started to try and convince Luke to stay home.

“Come on, Luke. You just got back from a mission, do you really want to go out and about now?” Hattie asked, looking innocent.

“Yes,” he had responded flatly.

“She has a point, She-hulk. You just came back from Korea, you shouldn’t be runnin’ about,” Deckard piped up. Luke had raised his eyebrows in surprise, but the look Deckard was sending him was real concern, unlike the faux expression Hattie was sending him. So, Luke had conceded, and let the four go without him. 

And out the door they went, leaving Luke to just stare after them, wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Luke went to the living room, hoping to catch up on a few football games he had missed. Dropping onto the couch, Luke got comfortable and put his feet up on the coffee table. 

Maybe Hattie and Owen were actually concerned about his health. Or they just wanted to keep Deckard’s attention on them. Or they were planning to convince Sam to change her name to Shaw. Either way, Luke was happy to have the rest of the afternoon to himself, just to watch mindless television and not have to deal with any other human being for the next few hours. 

Turning on the TV, Luke leaned back into the couch and rested his arms along its back. I’m definitely going to enjoy today, he thought, letting a lazy smile spread across his face. 

That was until the window on his right exploded into a million shards of glass and sprayed across the whole living room. Luke let out a surprised shout and jumped off the couch, as a canister of tear gas landed in the middle of the room. Smoke started to fill the room, causing Luke to start coughing and eyes to water. Struggling to move around the furniture and get away from the smoke, Luke heard several more crashes from around the house.

Before he knew it, there were several bodies surrounding him. Luke could only see blurred figures as he tried to fight back and swung his arm wildly. He cursed when his punch met thin air. He could feel hands on him, trying to push him to the ground, but he thrashed out of their hold and was able to grab one of the intruders around the waist. Pulling them down, Luke pulled his arm back, ready to pummel the intruder. However, just as his fist was about to connect, pain exploded through his skull and everything went black.

~~~

Slowly, consciousness started to come back, along with a rhythmic pounding in his head. Luke’s body felt heavy and sluggish as he tried to blink his eyes and try to look around. When the darkness refused to recede, he shook his head slightly to help clear his sight. That’s when he felt the cloth of the bag on his head softly brush against his skin, and causing him to jerk his whole body.

All over Luke’s body, he could feel heavy, thick ropes holding him in place on the sturdy, steel chair he was sitting in. It felt like a large amount of the rope was criss-crossed over his chest, secure and forcing him to calm his breathing, unless he wanted the mass of rope digging in every time he took a breath. 

Taking several slow breaths, Luke gathered his thoughts and tried to assess the situation. Clearly, he had been kidnapped from his home. Whoever had him knew his abilities and had taken them into consideration and knew perfectly well how to counter them. What Luke did not know was who had taken him, or why. Racking his mind, Luke could think of dozens of people who would want revenge, but not many who could actually pull it off. 

And then it hit him. There were two people who he nearly saw daily that could have pulled this kind of stunt off. Who had been sneaking around the last two weeks, and were conveniently out with their big brother and had a perfect alibi.

“All right, you assholes. I get it- you don’t like me dating your big bro! But guess what? We’re not going to split, no matter what you do! You can threaten, beat, stab me all you want, but I’m not going to break up with him just because we have some kind of beef. So, if you untying me right this second, I might even consider not beating your asses too badly!” 

Luke’s had started off with him yelling, but by the time he was done, he was growling his threats, completely done with the two younger Shaw siblings. He waited a minute, hoping to feel his bindings loosen, but nothing happened. Jerking in the chair, and not being able to move it an inch, Luke let out a vicious snarl. 

“If you two don’t get your asses moving in the next three seconds, I will make sure that not even Deckard can recognize your faces. Because if I’m not out of this bullshit soon, I will crush your heads in so far, you won’t be able to tell your mouth from you asshole,” Luke ground out, patience completely gone. “And once I’ve done that, I’ll celebrate by having rough, extremely flexible sex with your brother, just like we have every night. And I’ll take him over, and over, and over, until he can’t even remember anything except the feeling of my dick. And even if you two somehow don’t get pummeled by my fists today, I’ll still get down and dirty with your big bro because he loves me and that’s not going to change anytime soon.”

Letting out a breath, Luke glared at the blackness still encompassing his vision. He was ready to start thrashing and fighting, but the bag over his head was swiftly removed and he was blinded by a harsh light. Blinking, Luke could see that he was in a big, empty room, with only one bare light above his head, the rest of the room shrouded in shadows. Squinting, Luke started at the figure sitting across from him in a chair that must have been the partner to the one he was in. His eyes slowly adjusted and he was finally able to see who was probably the one who kidnapped him.

“Well, while it’s not my main concern, I am glad to hear Dex has a very vigorous sex life,” Magdalene Shaw chuckled, taking a sip of her tea. 

Luke could feel his jaw drop by several inches. The matriarchal Shaw was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, one hand resting on the chair’s armrest, and the other delicately holding an expensive tea cup to her lips. She was smirking back at him, waiting for his mind to reboot. She raised her eyebrow at him.

“While I don’t doubt Oh and Hat could pull this off, I was hoping you’d give me a little credit. Who do you think encouraged my children to gain the skills to take men like you down?”

Shaking himself, Luke snapped his mouth shut and could only stare. He had heard from the Shaw siblings and even Dom Toretto that Queenie Shaw was not someone you pissed off. And it seemed like he had a front row seat to just how dangerous she could be.

“Cat got your tongue, love?” She sneered.

“Not particularly. Just realizing why all your kids are bat shit insane,” Luke said, side-eyeing the woman across from him. Luke honestly had been expecting some kind of retribution for that comment, but instead, Magdalene just laughed at him, her eyes crinkling in surprise and laughter.

“My, not what I was expecting from you, Agent Hobbs,” she gave out one last chuckle, her voice suddenly turning icy. “And here I thought you’d be down licking my shoes, begging my forgiveness for the comments about my son.”

Luke could only cringe. “Didn’t mean to say those things in front of you, Ma’am. I thought it had been Owen and Hattie. I was just trying to scare them.”

“Then I think you should give up on that,” she said nonchalantly. “I doubt any of my children would even find you a sliver of indimidatin’, love.”

“You really know how to butter a man up, don’t you,” Luke responded, his voice extremely dry.

“Oh yes, dear. How do you think I kept my husband around for so long?” She said, giving him a wink. One that reminded him of the ones Deckard would send him when the Brit shared an inside joke with his siblings, one that Luke did not understand. He was not sure if he liked the eerily similar action between son and mother.

“Look,” Luke started. “Would you mind getting your boys hiding in the corner there to cut these ropes? It’s a bit odd to be talking to you tied up, Ma’am.”

“Ah, no can do, love. Those stay on,” she said, smirking and took another sip of tea. “I rather like having my men at a disadvantage. No matter what I’m doing with them at the moment.”

Luke tried to hide the look of horror and disgust that took over his face, but by the laugh the matriarchal Shaw gave, he was not very successful. “Ma’am please. If you brought me here to threaten me about Deckard, could you hurry it up? I would like to get back to enjoying my afternoon.”

“Well, bugger me then-”

Luke made a choking noise.

“I guess we’ll just have to move on to the boring part then,” she sighed and stood up. She made a signal to someone who Luke assumed was behind him, because the next thing he knew, there was a thick wire digging into his throat. He desperately tried to shake the person off, but no matter how much or which way he jerked his head, the wire kept digging in and cut off his air. Opening and closing his fists, Luke tried to flex his muscles to break the ropes, but nothing worked. He was completely, and utterly stuck. Gasping for air, Luke could only stare ahead at Magdalene, as she just stood in front of him, delicately holding her tea cup and smirking down at him.

“Now, I’m sure Oh and Hat already gave you the typical spiel, but let’s just make sure it sticks in that big, thick head of yours.”

Luke tried baring his teeth at her, but it felt ineffective as he could feel his face straining as he still kept trying to alleviate the pressure on his neck. He could feel himself becoming lightheaded, but that did not seem to deter the woman in front of him. She roughly grabbed his face, making sure he stared into her eyes.

“If you ever lay a hand on my boy, I’ll make sure that you never see daylight again. The last thing you’ll ever feel is the weight of a hundred thousand kilos of shite crushing you to death. Or maybe, I’ll have me boys here crush your head in so hard, you won’t be able to tell your mouth from your arsehole. So, are we understood?”

Black spots were slowly encompassing Luke’s eyesight as he tried to stay awake. Magdalene gave his head a small shake, demanding an answer. Luke gave a small, shaky nod.

“Good.” She smiled at him. Suddenly, the wire was gone from Luke’s neck and he began to gulp down air. Patting his face, Magdalene continued. “Because I have several rings already picked out that Deckard will love.”

Luke lifted his head up from where he had let it drop in exhaustion, and just stared at the older woman, still trying to catch his breath. Weakly, he asked. “What?”

“For the wedding, of course, love!” She smiled down on him. “Welcome to the family, Luke.”

The smiling, insane face of Magdalene Shaw was the last thing Luke saw before pain exploded in Luke’s head and everything went black again.

~~~

Blinking slowly, Luke woke up to the setting sun softly shining on him from where he was stretched out on his couch. What happened, he thought and slowly sat up. Looking around, he could see that the window in the living room was perfectly intact, and there was not a single piece of glass on the floor. And the TV had turned itself off because of inactivity.

Carefully standing up, Luke started to make his way around the house. Nothing seemed out of place, even though Luke could have sworn that he had heard other crashes when Magdalene’s men had taken him. Entering the bathroom, Luke examined his neck in the mirror, but there was nothing. No mark, no bruises to show the abuse it had taken probably a couple hours before. 

“That crafty bitch,”  Luke mumbled to himself and let out a near silent chuckle. He could not wait to see what else she had in store for the future. 

Hearing the front door opening, Luke left the bathroom to see the three Shaw siblings and Sam coming into the house. Deckard was leading the group, with a sleeping Sam resting on one of his hips, her arms wrapped around his neck. Behind him were Hattie and Owen, who closed the door softly as not to wake Sam up. 

All four were sporting different headbands that showed off the ears of various animals. Sam was wearing tiger ears, Owen had black bear, Hattie had snow leopard, and Luke was not absolutely sure, but it looked like Deckard had panda ears. 

“Well, aren’t all you adorable,” Luke whispered as Deckard walked towards him. Luke gave him a soft smile as he saw Sam’s eyes flutter open.

“Hi Dad,” she yawned and snuggled closer to Deckard. 

“Hey there, sweetie. Did you have fun?” He brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. 

“Yeah,” she giggled softly. 

“How ‘bout you tell him all about it tomorrow, yeah? You need to go to bed, love” Deckard whispered down to Sam.

“Ok,” she mumbled into his shirt, already half asleep. Sharing a smile with Luke, Deckard moved past him and towards Sam’s bedroom. Luke watched them go and waited until Deckard disappeared from view before he whipped back around to glare at the other two Shaws.

“Did you have fun today, Luke?’ Hattie asked, giving him a toothy grin. 

“Very funny. Did you help her plan that whole thing?” Luke demanded steely. 

“Don’t know what you mean, mate.” Owen smirked.

“Oh, don’t you dare start that bullshit with me, boy. While your guys’s mom is a very capable woman, I don’t think she could have timed it that perfectly,” Luke said, extremely irritated. 

“I didn’t think you’d be so paranoid. We were at the zoo with Deckard and Sammy the whole day, you know that,” Hattie said, her impish look not diminishing at all. Owen let out a little snicker next to her. Opening his mouth to let the two siblings have it, Luke was instead interrupted by Deckard. 

“Oi, Sam wants to thank you two for today,” he said, jerking his head in the direction of Sam’s room. Both Hattie and Owen gave him twin smirks as they brushed by him and into the bedroom. 

“What was that about?” Deckard asked, giving Luke a confused look.

“Nothing. They were just showing off their new ears,” Luke said and moved toward Deckard and wrapped an arm around the smaller man’s waist and let the other one stroke the artificial ears Deckard was wearing. “Speaking of which, are these supposed to be a panda’s?” 

“No, they’re a lemur’s,” Deckard huffed. “We let Sammy pick them out. And apparently she thought I would be a perfect lemur.”

“I can definitely see it,” Luke commented, adjusting the ears to sit better on Deckard’s head. “You’re just as tricky as one, equally as fast, and you’re about the same size, too.”

“You dick,” Deckard laughed, lightly punching Luke’s arm. 

“And just as adorable,” Luke said, waggling his eyebrows at Deckard, who let out a snort. “How about you and me act like animals and get wild tonight?”

The smaller man just stared at Luke, before his face almost split in half with the smile he flashed Luke. “That is by far the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard.”

“But it worked, didn’t it?” Luke smiled back.

“I can’t believe that it did.” Deckard grabbed the back of Luke’s neck, pulling him down to let the bigger man ravage his mouth. They stay connected for some time, barely letting each other have any air before they went back at it. But, finally, Luke pulled back to stare at Deckard, whose face was a nice pink.

“Come on, Princess, let’s get wild,” he whispered against Deckard’s lips. Deckard gave out another amused snort before leading the way to their bedroom. The siblings might have not actually heard his threat earlier, but he was definitely going to deliver on it. Because their room was right up against the wall Luke and Deckard’s bed was facing. Letting a small smirk on his face, Luke let the promise of tonight purge any thoughts of manipulative mother-in-laws and annoying little siblings.

#shobbs #deckard shaw #luke hobbs #hobbs and shaw #deckard shaw x luke hobbs #owen shaw #hattie shaw #Samantha Hobbs #magdalene shaw #fanfic

[katsens-writing]

Exchanged Love, Part 2

Summary: Peter meets a sweet exchange student. Kind of like a summer love story except it’s during the rest of the year.

Pairing: Peter x Exchange Student!Reader

Content: A little emotional angst, some pining but lots of fluff and feels. One instance of slightly adult humor, very small. Maybe one small bad word? Please let me know if I need to add anything!

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: Part two of a piece requested by an anon some time ago. It took longer than it probably should have but I already had a few wips going when I received it and then I discovered Good Omens. It’s a bit different than what I’ve written before but then again I still haven’t written much so everything is a little different. It's also my first ever request so yeah, different. My taglists are open if anyone would be interested in joining any of them. Enjoy!

Request: “I wish you would write a piece where Peter Stark is falling in love with the international student. And yes I meant Stark. (For the sake of length and sanity I wrote it as an exchange student. Hope you like it anon!)

---

     By Monday morning Peter was feeling a lot better. When he returned to school the week went by quickly but he had no trouble catching up with the work he had missed, thanks to Ned, MJ, and Y/N’s help. Between the three of them, they had him caught up in all his classes and up to speed on the group project. They all worked so well together on the semester project that they started inviting Y/N to hang out with them. By the time the midterms came around, it was like they had known her as long as they had known each other. They had movie nights together, studied together and Y/N even became an honorary member of the decathlon team.

     Whenever Y/N was around, Peter’s heart fluttered. It bothered him at first but after a while, he didn’t even notice it anymore, until one week when Y/N was gone. Peter went to school the week before spring break and found out Y/N had left early because she was going out of town. That whole week he seemed to be in a fog. He lost several assignments, showed up to class late and skipped lunch a few times. When he missed decathlon practice, Ned and MJ cornered him in the hall one day before science class.

     “Hey man, you haven’t been yourself this week. What’s up? Is something wrong?” Ned asked.

     “I can tell you what’s wrong,” MJ snorted. “Y/N isn’t here.”

     “W-what?” Peter asked, confused.

     “Oh...” Ned’s eyes widened. “I get it now.”

     “I don’t,” Peter retorted.

     “You need to get your crap together,” MJ crossed her arms. “Because this is painful to watch.”

     “I think what MJ means is she thinks you should talk to Y/N when she gets back,” Ned offered.

     “No, I think what I mean is he needs to get his crap together,” MJ snarked. She turned back to Peter. “You need to man up, tell her how you feel, and ask her out already!”

     Peter opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. Thankfully the bell for the next period rang then. “Um, I gotta go... yeah,” he replied slowly with a frown, leaving quickly. He was thoroughly confused. What were they talking about?

     He came home from school that afternoon and the second he walked in the front door, Harley immediately knew something was up.

     “Hey squirt,” Harley teased Peter. “What’s with the face?”

     “I dunno, what’s with your face?” Peter replied instinctively.

     Harley’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. “Hello to you too,” he scoffed with a shrug as he turned back to the counter.

     “Sorry. How’s college?” Peter asked a little guiltily without looking up as he sat down across from Harley.

     Harley took a sip of his energy drink before answering. “Good. I think Mr. Barrows finally got over the lab incident. He said hi to me outside of his office last week instead of grumbling like he usually does. It only took him a semester and a half this time. I think it’s a new record.” Harley looked at Peter nodding absentmindedly and humming to whatever he said. Harley’s brow furrowed before a small, mischievous smile started playing at the corner of his lips. “Oh, and the school board picked me to be the residential advisor in the freshman dorm in the fall. That should be fun.”

     Peter nodded distractedly and mumbled. “Oh, that’s good.”

     Harley sighed and put down his drink. He tilted his head at Peter with a raised eyebrow and a faint smirk. “Ok, who is she?”

     Immediately Peter’s head snapped up and his full attention was on Harley. “What?”

     Harley’s smirk widened. “You heard me,” he grinned.

     “She- she’s no one,” Peter replied.

     “So there is a she,” Harley arched his eyebrows.

     “No,” Peter scowled.

     “He?” Harley quirked an eyebrow.

     “No!” Peter sighed exasperatedly. “There isn’t anybody!”

     “Mm, ok bro,” Harley grinned as he got up to put his cup in the sink. “Whatever you say.”

---

    Once school was back in, Peter and Y/N hardly saw each other. They didn’t have any classes together and all of their classes seemed to be in different hallways. They still managed to get together in the evenings with Ned and MJ, but the more time they spent together, the more Peter curiously found himself wanting to spend time with just Y/N.

     The semester went by so fast. It seemed all Peter did was blink, and suddenly it was almost over. He couldn’t believe it, but he didn’t have much time to think about it because, before finals, Fury had Tony gather all the Avengers for a mission in South America, including Peter. When Peter met Ned, MJ, and Y/N to study one more time at the library before finals, he told them he was going to be out of town for a little while.

     “Oh? Are you going on vacation?” Y/N asked, a little surprised.

     “Uh, no. It’s- it’s for my dad. He, um... he wants me to meet with some of his co-workers.” Peter replied. Well, it’s not a complete lie. I’m going to be meeting with Uncle Bucky, Uncle Steve, Aunt Nat and...

     “Oh, that sounds exciting!” Y/N replied.

     “Sounds boring,” Ned scoffed.

     “Sounds like the beginning stages of nepotism,” MJ raised an eyebrow.

     “Believe me, it will be boring,” Peter rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “Dad does this every year. I’d much rather be here, but ‘this is my future’,” Peter pretended to quote Tony sarcastically. “I don’t even get out of finals.”

     “Well, I wish you safe travels!” Y/N smiled, her eyes shining in the soft light of the library. She looked so pretty that Peter was caught off guard.

     “Uh, thanks,” Peter’s cheeks flushed a little and his heart fluttered so much, it was almost like he was meeting her again for the first time. He didn’t have much time to think about it though, because the next day he was on a quinjet to Sout America with his dad, Captain America, Bucky Barnes, Hawkeye, and Black Widow.

     The mission ended up taking longer than they had initially expected because the targets called in more security at both of their facilities since Rhodey and Sam had reported in, and the targets had since split up. The team divided into pairs, and after nearly a month in the Brazilian jungle with Hawkeye, they managed to locate and capture both of the targets, as well as most of their people.

     “Good job on this mission, Peter,” Tony congratulated him. “Nice work on tracking that guard through the river.”

     “Thanks, dad,” Peter mumbled tiredly as he flopped onto a couch. He was really enjoying the air conditioning after four weeks in the jungle.

     “Yeah, bonus points for not murdering your uncle,” Natasha grinned.

     “Hey, that’s not fair,” Bucky argued. “I didn’t murder him either.”

     “I’m gonna murder him if he doesn’t get out of the shower soon,” Natasha muttered crossly.

     Peter frowned. “He still owes me $20.”

     “Don’t worry, you can take it off his body once I’m done with him,” Natasha assured him.

     Peter snorted as Bucky made some comment about Natasha being careless and leaving Clint’s body behind. Peter glanced at his phone and sighed. The service had been spotty at best on their mission. He’d been so tired since they got back in the country and so busy making up his finals that he forgot to check it. He had a few dozen mixed texts from Ned alone, about four from MJ, and a few missed calls from different people. He opened his messages from Ned and his heart sank when he began reading them.

     “What is it?” Natasha asked, immediately turning her attention from her conversation with Bucky to Peter when she noticed his change in demeanor.

     “Nothing,” he frowned. “I- I gotta make a call.” He walked to the sleeping quarters in the back of the quinjet and called up Ned.

     “Hello?” he answered, the sound of a party in the background.

     “Hey, Ned. I saw your texts but I didn’t read ‘em all. What’s up? You said something about Y/N? Is everything alright?” Peter asked with a hint of worry.

     “Oh man, I wish you’d called sooner,” Ned groaned. “You just missed her.”

     “What’s going on?” Peter asked, his stomach sinking. He was starting to worry.

     “She’s leaving tonight man,” Ned replied, sounding pained. “I’m sorry.”

     “She’s what?!” Peter cried, loud enough for Natasha and Bucky to hear him in the main cabin. His mind and his heart started racing.“I thought she wasn’t leaving for another two weeks!”

     “I tried calling you to tell you. Her flight home next month got canceled so she had to take an earlier one if she wanted to be home in time for her little sister’s birthday.” Ned answered. “She said goodbye to everyone yesterday at school. She asked about you.”

     Peter’s heart sank. “Wh-when does her plane leave?”

     Ned shrugged. “Hold on, let me ask MJ.” There was a pause on the phone as Ned asked her. “She said either 10 or 11.”

     Peter glanced at his watch. 10:38. “Let’s hope it’s 11,” he muttered as he hung up. He walked out of the sleeping quarters and headed to the cockpit, passing a few curious looks.

     Bucky looked at Nat, confused. “Okay... what was that all about?” Nat just shook her head and chuckled.

     “Hey Dad, how much longer ‘til we land?” Peter asked as soon as he was in the cockpit.

     “About 20 minutes,” Tony replied casually, not missing the edge in Peter’s voice.

     “Do you think you could go a little faster?” Peter asked, slightly anxious.

     Steve turned to Tony with a slightly raised eyebrow before looking at Peter. Peter was tapping his foot and looking around nervously, flexing his fingers. Clearly, the kid was agitated by something.

     “Faster?” Tony scoffed without looking over his shoulder at Peter. “Kid, landing is the time when you slow down. You sure you’re my kid? Because I could’ve sworn he passed his physics class last year.” Peter sighed dejectedly, ignoring his dad’s not-so-subtle brag disguised as teasing.

     “Why? You got somewhere to be?” Steve asked, watching Tony’s face for any reaction. Tony had the faintest smirk on his lips.

     “I- I just found out that... that a friend of mine is moving,” Peter swallowed hard, trying to control his voice. It sounded a little strained as he fought back the tears that were forming in his eyes. “They’re leaving tonight in a few minutes and...”

     “You want to say goodbye,” Steve finished for him.

     “Yeah,” Peter confirmed softly, no longer trusting his voice.

     “Hmm,” Steve turned and glanced at the altitude reading on the instrument panel in front of him. “Well, we’re low enough to the ground and you have plenty of fluid for the webshooters...” Steve glanced over his shoulder at Peter. “If you leave now and keep to the rooftops, you might make it in time.”

     “Leave now?” Peter’s eyes widened incredulously at what Steve was implying. He was going to ask him exactly what that was but the ramp was already lowering.

     “Hey!” Came a shout from the main cabin. Peter glanced out to see Clint standing there, struggling to hold down a towel wrapped around his waist.

     Natasha turned to the cabin, cringing. “How about a little warning next time, huh? That was more of Clint than I wanted to see right now.”

     Bucky turned to her, looking like he was about to be sick. “That was terrifying. Why would you ever want to see that?!”

     “Well, she did marry me!” Clint snapped.

     Peter grabbed his bag and walked to the ramp and hesitated, looking nervously at the city below. He groaned inwardly once again at the irony of his situation. He was Spider-Man. He swung through the city at ridiculous speeds and equally ridiculous heights on webs. He would free fall and swoop up at the last minute just for fun. And he was terrified of heights. Doing his Spider-Man stuff was one thing, but jumping from a plane was entirely different.

     Steve looked over his shoulder with raised eyebrows. “This is your chance, kid.”

     Peter took a deep breath and pulled on his mask. “This is a bad idea,” he muttered as he jumped out of the plane.

     Steve smirked and closed the ramp once Peter was gone before turning back around in his seat. He felt Tony’s eyes boring into him and he glanced at him.

     “You did not just tell my kid to jump out of a plane,” Tony deadpanned, giving him a flat look.

     “Of course not,” Steve replied nonchalantly. “And you didn’t just lower the ramp for him.”

---

     A minute after Peter jumped out of the plane he shot a web out and swung to a skyscraper below.

     “Whew, ok, still alive. That’s good. First step, check,” Peter spoke, his heart racing. “Next step, the airport,” he prepared to leap off the side of the building but froze. “He didn’t tell me which airport!”

    Peter swore before his eyes widened. “Wait! Karen, how many flights are leaving for Italy from New York tonight?”

     “Three flights. The last one arrives in five minutes from JFK.” The AI informed him.

     “Is there any way you can stop it or delay it or something?” Peter cried, his stomach lurching, but not from the heights.

     “No, I’m sorry Peter. Your father has only authorized me to do that in an emergency.”

     Peter groaned and started swinging faster. Within minutes he landed at JFK. He glanced at the time in the corner of his display. 11:02. He was late. “What gate?” he asked Karen, his heart sinking. Maybe his time was a little fast. Maybe Karen forgot to adjust for the last time zone. He couldn’t be late, he just couldn't. He had to see her one more time, he had to.

     Peter was starting to pace along the roof when he saw a familiar yellow bag standing on the sidewalk below and his heart stopped. He dropped down just around the corner from the people and took off his bag. He glanced around the corner and saw Y/N close the trunk of the taxi and thank the driver. He grabbed his sweater out of his bag and yanked it on over his suit before stuffing his mask in the bag. He didn’t have time to change completely but he didn’t want to miss his chance. He took a deep breath and stepped around the corner.

     “Y/N! Y/N!” He shouted over the hustle and bustle of the crowd, trying to make his way to her.

     She turned at his voice just as she was getting ready to step through a revolving door. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Peter!” She cried.

     She quickly walked over to him as he made his way through the throng of people. As soon as he was within reach, she threw her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. Peter’s eyes widened as he instinctively put his arms around Y/N. He couldn’t tell if his heart was racing or if it was even beating at all. All he knew was that there was a warmth spreading from the left side of his chest. He rested his cheek on her head and closed his eyes.

     “I thought you weren’t coming!” Y/N gasped, her unseen sadness vanishing in her surprise as she pulled back to look up at him. As she did, his arms slipped away a little and his hands came to rest on her sides.

     Peter gave her a lopsided grin, masking the pained look in his eyes. “You really thought I’d let you leave without saying goodbye?” Y/N looked away embarrassed, her cheeks flushing. “I’m really sorry,” he lowered his gaze guiltily, his smile fading. “Honestly, I almost didn’t make it. Ned called me, but...” his voice trailed off.

     “You are here now,” Y/N lifted a hand from his shoulder and placed it comfortingly on his cheek. “And I’m very happy you are.” As soon as he was looking at her, she lowered her arms to rest along his.

     Peter’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes met Y/N’s, sparkling in the light coming through the airport windows. For a second he forgot everything, how to talk, how to breathe. He was certain that if it hadn’t been for Y/N’s arms resting on his, he would’ve fallen down because he’d forgotten how to stand. What was going on?

     Maybe I did fall, he thought. I mean I jumped out of the jet. Maybe I hit my head on the way down or something. That would explain it, wouldn’t it?

     He looked up at Y/N and he swore his heart stopped altogether. Suddenly it all made sense to him; how he felt when Y/N was around, even more so how he felt when she wasn’t. How could he have not noticed? He loved her. He loved her and she was about to leave forever.

     “Y/N,” he looked into her eyes, his heart beating a mile a minute. God, he was so nervous. Why was this so hard? He took down Vulture single-handedly, he went toe-to-toe with Thanos, got turned to dust, then faced the purple alien’s army without giving it a second thought, but this? This was terrifying to him. “I have something to tell you. I-”

     “Shh!” Y/N quickly put a hand to his mouth, much to his surprise. “I know, Peter. You don’t have to say it.”

     Peter’s eyes widened. She knows?

     Y/N stood on her toes and Peter instinctively tightened his grip on her waist, not wanting her to stumble. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear softly. “You’re Spider-Man.”

     Peter’s eyes widened even more and he immediately let go of Y/N. She shifted her weight back to her heels and looked up at the panicking boy before her.

     “What? Uh, no- no, that’s not what I--” he stopped as his gaze fell back on Y/N. The look in her eyes told him there was no use. He sighed again and looked at her with mild amazement. “How- how did you know?”

     “I told you not to stay out too long,” Y/N’s face broke into a dazzling grin as she looked up at Peter and his heart melted. “You were so sick the next day. I thought at first it just had to be a coincidence, but then I thought about how you gave me directions to the auditorium. You were the only one to stop and help, just like Spider-Man,” she looked away, her cheeks flushing a little. “That is why I was staring at you at lunch, because I thought you sounded familiar.’

     “Well to be fair, I was probably the only one to crash into you,” Peter reasoned with a shrug.

     Peter and Y/N both chuckled at the memories. Y/N’s smile widened as she looked up at Peter. “And whenever you missed a study group or hanging out with us at night, the next morning Spider-Man would be in the news, saving the day.” The two chuckled again but their laughter faded as a light air of sadness settled over them.

     Peter hesitated. “Y/N... you’re right, but that’s not what I wanted to tell you.”

     Y/N’s eyes grew and her lips parted slightly in surprise. “It’s not?” Her surprise was quickly replaced with a look of concern. “Is something wrong?”

     Peter chuckled weakly, smiling at her fondly. “No, nothing’s wrong,” he sighed. “Y/N, I--”

     “Attention passengers, Flight 742 will begin boarding in 30 minutes. Again, Flight 742 will be boarding in 30 minutes. Thank you.” A male voice announced over the PA system.

     Y/N’s eyes widened a fraction further and Peter’s heart sank. “That’s your flight, isn’t it?” he asked softly.

     “Yeah,” Y/N bit her lip. “I have to hurry or I’m going to miss it.” She held her arms out and gave Peter one last hug. When she pulled away she lifted her eyes to meet his one more time. “Goodbye, Peter. I’ll call you later, ok?”

     “Yeah, ok,” Peter smiled though he felt like doing anything but. “Talk to you then.”

     Y/N gave Peter a small, sad smile, her eyes misting faintly before turning and disappearing into the crowd. Peter watched until she was completely out of sight before turning away with a heavy sigh. He shuffled to the curb and waved over a waiting taxi. He just didn’t feel like swinging home and he didn’t want to bother Happy on a Saturday night. Once he got back to the tower, he paid the driver and took the elevator up.

     When the doors opened up, he walked through the hall toward his room. When he got to the living room, he saw his dad and the Avengers relaxing and talking. As he was walking by, his dad saw him and called out to him.

     “Hey, Pete! Did you catch your friend?” he asked, setting a drink down before rising to his feet and casually striding over to his son.

     “Yeah, I did,” Peter sighed. He was hoping to get to his room without having to talk to anyone. He felt like his heart had sunk to the floor and he looked like it too.

     “Yeah? Then why do you look like someone ran ‘em over instead?” Tony asked, holding a water bottle out to his son. “Here, drink up. You look a little dehydrated.”

     “I’m just... just gonna miss ‘em is all,” Peter mumbled, taking the bottle from his dad. He kept his head lowered as he fought back the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

     “Well, you have their number, right?” Tony asked before frowning. “Wait, do kids still exchange phone numbers?” he shook his head, dismissing it.

     “Yeah, I have it,” Peter replied, unscrewing the cap from his bottle.

    “Well see? You’ll be fine then. Anyway, you’ve got more important things to worry about, like your internship.”

     “Internship?” Peter frowned, pausing with the bottle raised half-way.

     “Yeah, your advisor called to give me a heads up, said I may be getting an increase in applications soon,” Tony answered nonchalantly.

     “Oh, great,” Peter mumbled as he brought the bottle the rest of the way to his lips and took a drink. His throat was sore. He turned and slowly started toward his room again, but if Tony noticed, he didn’t seem to care.

     “Yeah. Now I’ve already got your internship set up if you want it, but if not that’s ok too. I’d understand if you don’t want to spend the summer working for your old man,” he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly as he followed his son.

     “Uh, thanks dad,” Peter closed his eyes and suppressed a groan as he turned away back toward his room. He really didn’t want to talk about anything right now, let alone his internship. “But I really just want to go to bed right now.”

     “I understand. I wouldn’t sleep long, though. If you want the internship, you’d better start packing, you leave Tuesday.”

     Peter froze mid-step with his hand on his bedroom door. “What? Leave?” he asked, turning to face his dad.

     Tony shrugged. “Yeah, I’m gonna spend the summer finishing up some old projects around the tower. Your mom’s been bugging me to fix the dryer on the guest floor for months and I have a few design upgrades for the team. I’m really not gonna have enough work for an intern in the lab this year. Stark Enterprises International just opened a new Research and Development floor at the headquarters in Italy though, and they’re gonna need help setting up, calibrating, and testing out all the equipment.”

     Peter stared at his dad completely stunned. After a minute, he blinked and replied. “I-I-I’m- I’m going to Italy?!” he gasped, wide-eyed.

     “Uh, yeah?” Tony’s eyebrows arched a little. “I mean if you want to. If not, I’m sure you cou--”

     “I gotta pack!” Peter cut him off, shutting his bedroom door in his dad’s face. Tony grunted in amusement, his eyes glinting with a smirk on his face as he turned and walked back to the living room. Black Widow noticed as he entered and looked up at him.

     “So, how’d it go?” she asked before taking a sip of her drink.

     Tony opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a soft clattering coming from down the hall towards Peter’s room as he dug through his closet. He quirked an eyebrow with a smile. “Does that answer your question?” Natasha chuckled and shook her head lightly.

     “Thanks again, by the way,” Tony turned to her as he refilled his cup.

     Natasha shrugged. “It was no big deal, I’d been meaning to catch up with an old friend in Italy for a while, anyway. He’ll be perfectly safe, you have my word.”

     “I know, I had to check more for Pepper’s sake,” Tony replied casually with a slight eye-roll. Natasha brought her cup to her lips and hummed, hiding a disbelieving smile. “I’m just glad May was able to come on such short notice and set it up.” Tony continued.

     “You can thank her tomorrow when she comes by for dinner,” Pepper spoke as she walked in. Looking at Tony, she nodded her head toward Peter’s room and arched her eyebrows with a chuckle. “I take it you told him?”

     “How did you know?” Tony looked over his shoulder and smirked.

     “Speaking of knowing, how did you know?” Bucky asked, cocking an eyebrow at Tony from his seat across from Steve.

     He just shrugged. “Karen alerts me whenever Peter has her run a scan on him and tells me the results.”

     “One of the few remaining Baby Monitor protocols he still has in place,” Pepper added.

     “Yeah. One night I got one with some odd readings, but no apparent cause. It was Pep that suggested I playback the footage.” He nodded to his wife. There was another thump from Peter’s room as he hurriedly packed.

     “Aww, his first crush,” Pepper smiled, sitting down her cup of tea.

     “So let me get this straight,” Clint frowned. “You can delay a plane for so your kid can see his crush but you couldn’t delay it so I could sleep in last year in Marrakesh?”

     “Yeah, pretty much,” Tony shrugged. Clint grumbled and the rest of the team laughed.

     “To be fair, he did warn you about the drinks in the minifridge,” Natasha grinned.

     Tony smirked before he furrowed his brow. “Do you think he’ll realize it’s not a coincidence?”

     Pepper chuckled as she walked up behind her husband. She put her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. “What? You don’t want him to miss out on the knowledge that he has the best wingman for a father?”

     Tony chuckled as he turned to his wife and slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him before giving her a kiss. “He’ll figure it out.”

---

Part 1    Buy me a coffee?

Tags: @parkerspicedlatte @xmarveled @jll72-blog

#Avengers #Avengers fanfic #Marvel #Marvel fanfic #Spider-Man #Iron Man #Tony Stark #Spider Son #Iron Dad #Iron Family #Iron Fam #Captain America #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #Natasha Romanoff #Black Widow #Clint Barton #Hawkeye #Fanfic #my writing #insert reader #writeblr #pepperony #clintasha #Exchanged Love by Kat

[thebibliomancer]

50 More Days of Comics! 27/50: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero! #30 (1984)

Somehow I forgot that Marvel had the license to make G.I. Joe comics.

Marvel sure handled a lot of licenses back in the day! Doctor Who, Transformers, GI Joe, Star Wars, ElfQuest, Groo the Wanderer, 2001 Space Odyssey, Micronauts, ROM Space Knight.

And people have fond memories of a lot of these. I guess Marvel licensed good and then probably crossed the license over with X-Men for good measure.

Interestingly, Marvel basically created the premise that G.I. Joe became known for. Writer Larry Hama took an unused pitch for a special anti-Hydra SHIELD team called Fury Force and repurposed it. Hydra became Cobra. And G.I. Joe became at one point Marvel’s best selling comic.

Its both super easy and weirdly unsettling imagining G.I. Joe existing in the Marvel universe though. Cobra would fit in with a lot of their weirdo evil groups like AIM and Hydra. But, I dunno, I can’t as easily see the Joes co-existing with SHIELD for some reason. I try to imagine them existing as separate entities and they just glorrrrrp together into the Venture Bros OSI in my brainmeats.

But look at me trying to talk around the book. Which has a cover where three shirtless dudes in vests beat up an airplane.

Are we sure this isn’t a Street Fighter comic? Street Fighters love beating up parked vehicles. Its inexplicable.

The three airplane dudes from the cover (apparently motorcycle riding henchmen called Dreadnoks?) and master of disguise Zartan are loitering outside McGuire airforce base for reasons I’m sure would be perfectly reasonable if I had read G.I.JOE: A Real American Hero! #29 when they spot a familiar helicopter landing.

It is a helicopter that raided their lair in Florida. And is now landing at McGuire. In New Jersey.

Goddamn the Joes are uneconomical.

Anyways, yes, it’s a Joecoptor (sold separately) and Zartan disguises himself as boss-Joe Hawk to investigate. He finds that the helicopter is unloading a wounded Wild Bill to place on an ambulance. Wild Bill reports that they lost a copter but also burned Cobra’s Florida operation off the map.

Zartan as Hawk awkwardly salutes Wild Bill, trying to cover that he doesn’t actually know the man’s name.

Zartan calls Cobra Commander and tells him about this choice intel and Cobra Commander is faiiiirly sure that G.I. Joequarters are hidden somewhere in McGuire so he cobra commands Zartan and the Dreadnoks to keep an eye on the place.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, on Staten Island, some Cobra operatives (Cobratives?) under cover of being a Normal Family purchase a house near Fort Wadsworth and fill it with an excessive amount of surveillance gear.

“It’ll be set up and operational by midnight. We’re not going to miss anything!”

Aaaaaaaaas the ambulances carrying the wounded Joes drive into Fort Wadworth and take a secret elevator from the motor pool down into Joequarters.

Waa waa waaaaa~

Cobra comedy.

Of course, the Joes have their own moment when Wild Bill sees Hawk in the Joequarters and wonders how he got here from the airport so fast. But Hawk has been in the base all day! So who did Wild Bill see at McGuire?? (It was Zartan)

Meanwhile some more, in Springfield, at the offices of the Arbco Brothers Circus, a young boy or maybe a teen boy named Billy is snooping at the circus records because under guise of circus is how Cobra has been moving troops and tanks around the country!

In fact, a contingent of circus trucks driven by Cobra Commander is on its way to McGuire right now. God forbid he get pulled over because he is wearing the full reflective visor while driving.

Anyway, Billy gets caught by the Baroness but she seemingly wants Billy to join her against Cobra? I dunno, maybe she was splinter factioning.

Meanwhile, back at Staten Island, Cobra Fred finally finishes setting up all the surveillance equipment just to receive a call recalling him back to Springfield because Cobra Commander believes that he’s found the GI Joe headquarters and doesn’t need spies all over the place anymore.

And as Fred and his wife or maybe the person undercover as his wife smash the surveillance equipment in rage at the ten hours wasted setting up the equipment, Fred bemoans.

Fred: “Ten hours it took to set up this gear – and I didn’t even get a chance to turn it on for one minute!”

As a convoy of GI Joe vehicles pass his house and his now broken surveillance equipment that would have revealed a heavy Joe presence at Fort Wadsworth.

Waa waa waaaaaa~

In the intervening hours, the Joes contacted the McGuire sentries who saw ‘Hawk’ come onto the base and they reported a glowing and shimmering. Which clues the Joes in that the ‘Hawk’ was actually Zartan under holographic disguise.

Better safe than sorry, they mobilize a few tanks and assorted vehicles (sold separately) to McGuire.

Meanwhile, AGAIN, the Dreadnoks have finished cutting a hole in the McGuire fence so that when Cobra arrives they can just drive on in. But they’re dumb and bored so against Zartan’s orders, they decide to sneak onto the base to break stuff just for the sake of breaking stuff.

So a rare occasion: the cover of a comic being 100% truthful! Some dudes break a plane just because!

A Dreadnok: “Zartan said Cobra Commander was a stickler for detail! I’ve just de-tailed this plane!”

Another Dreadnok: “Detail? De-tail! I get it! Har!!”

These guys have fun.

The circus trucks arrive and start unloading Cobra Hiss Tanks and Snap Helicopters (sold separately). Cobra Commander wants this done clever and quiet. The tanks and helicopters are to stand by to cover withdrawal by the insertion unit.

But here’s something: Dreadnok Buzzer accidentally caused a loud, obvious explosion while vandalizing a plane cuing the control tower that something is going on. Obviously, they signal the alarm.

With stealth kaput, Cobra Commander makes an ehxecutive decision and goes eh whatever, full frontal assault and has the tanks and helicopters charge the control tower.

Cobra Commander also spots the Dreadnoks fleeing the mess they made and realizes that they’re the ones that botched his plan. But he’ll Deal With Them Later.

As for the Dreadnoks, they run right into the Joes. But since the Joes just got the alert from the tower, they let the Dreadnoks go so they can deal with the more obvious problem.

The control tower blinds the Hiss tanks with the searchlights but the Snap copters shoot out the lights.

Speaking of the Snap Helicopters. Nothing looks quite so blatantly toylike as them. They’re ridiculously small for a helicopter and the blades are right above the pilot’s head in the OPEN COCKPIT. It looks like the slightest turbulence would lead to chunky salsa.

Anyway, after all this meanwhiles and goof and counter goof, the actual battle is over quickly. The Joes quickly take out the Cobra attack force and the last Snap copter swoops down so Cobra Commander can escape under cover of explosion.

The next morning, Hawk jokes to Ace that Uncle Sam will buy him a new Sky Striker while Ace grouses that he had just broken in this one.

And in a tiny boat, Destro and another silhouette plot revenge against Cobra Commander’s treachery in Florida by rejoining him in Springfield and pretending they suspect nothing. And then when he least suspects it: revenge probably!

Geez this is a very continuity dense book. Gotta give it to Larry Hama because this is a book in which a lot of things happened. Hence the meanwhiles meanwhiles meanwhiles. But because it was all leading up to one event: the Cobra attacking McGuire and getting repelled by the Joes, its all condensed into one book instead of drawing it out. Probably for the best. We know that the Cobras are operating under false assumptions so imagine waiting several months for the farce to fully pay off.

But it was a very dense book and it doesn’t really have a recap page or a character page or remind you who is who and why and what they’re about so its very dense and very impenetrable to the poor idiot that jumps on at issue 30. Why would you do that?

I dunno. The box willed it.

#50 More Days of Comics! #G.J. Joe #Marvel G.I. Joe

[nikolestilinski24-blog]

Wincestial

Day 7 of Stetopher Week.

Oct 30th 2018-Halloween Theme

Wincestial

Summary: It was custom to find your soulmate on October 31st, via matching costumes.

“I'm gonna change it up this year Scotty!” Stiles exclaimed excitedly.

They were walking around in a Party City that just opened up two towns over.

“Oh yeah? Really?” Scott asked sounding dubious that Stiles would change it up by dressing up in anything, but what he always went as for halloween.

“Yep!” Stiles said popping the p. “I am going to go as the coolest fucking character ever…” before Stiles could finish telling Scott who he was going as, his best friend interrupted.

“Spiderman? Captain America? Wolverine? Chewbacca? Batman...again?” Scott said sarcastically.

“NO! Okay...no I am going to go as Castiel!”

“The angel? From supernatural? Why? I mean that’s….cool.” Scott looked at his friend like he was an odd duck.

“Hey, I have to change it up Scotty. I'm now 21 and haven't found my mate yet, it's ridiculous really, but every halloween I go as a superhero and never find my mate. So why not try something else out. Maybe, just maybe I'll have luck. You should try it dude.” Stiles said.

“Yeah maybe you're right. Hey look at this…” Scott trailed off looking at something an aisle over. Stiles walked over, rounding the corner to see Scott holding up a costume that had an image on the front of it that looked like a big boob in a bikini top meant for couples.

“Wow Scott. Please don’t tell me you are going to buy that as your costume?” Stiles asked, practically begging his best friend not to buy such a ridiculous costume.

“No of course not, but it did give me a good idea for something else.” Scott said while they were heading towards Stiles jeep.

“Well then what dude?” Stiles looked to Scott in question.

“A testicule.” Scott said serious much to Stiles cackling amusement.

“Oh my god you're serious?” Stiles immediately stopped laughing. “Well that is definitely a change bro!!” Stiles and Scott laughed out loud before Stiles put the jeep in gear and headed to Walmart.

Stiles ended up getting a tan trench coat and a blue tie. He already had slacks and a white button-up shirt.

Scott bought white sweatpants that were two sizes two big and a round basketball pillow that he could stuff in his pants to resemble a testicle and a burgundy clothes marker to write ‘Testicule Left’ up above where the pillow will be seated.

-----

Allison and Lydia were costume shopping.

“So I have to get a costume for my dad as well, because he is being stubborn and I am forcing him to go this year. He thinks he is too old which is just ridiculous.” Allison commented while looking at a 1950’s poodle skirt, but moving on shortly after seeing it, it wasn't feeling right.

“Okay. Do you have an Idea for one?” Lydia asked looking at a 2 broke girls Max costume that she thought might work but then saw a sexy pirate outfit not knowing which one to choose from she moved on to see if she could find something else.

“Yeah but no. I know he likes Supernatural but I don't know if they have anything for that show here or if I should go for something else. What do you think?” Allison asked finding her costume and all the accessories. She walked over to where Lydia was also with costume in hand with a few accessories also.

“Yeah I could so see that, you know the whole hunter thing fits your dad, especially since he was a hunter.” Lydia said making Allison laugh.

“Alright so hunter it is, but now which one Sam or Dean?” Allison asked.

The two girls walked off in search of a hunters costume that best fit Allison’s Dad.

-----

Derek was out buying his halloween costume-Jack Skellington-along with his mate Erica’s-Sally-and planning to grab something for his uncle Peter and help Isaac find one.

“I have no Idea what to get for Peter?” Derek commented hoping that they would have ideas.

“What costumes has he wore before?” Erica asked at the same time that Isaac said in a very sarcastic tone “Why don’t you get a hunter's outfit?” and proceeded to laugh his ass off at the idea.

However Derek tilted his head and said “ Why not?” so that is how they ended up in the Supernatural aisle in front of where there was only one brother Winchester left to choose from, grabbing it for Peter.

Once done Derek and Erica helped their best friend Isaac trying to help him decide on either The Joker or Superman.

Finally they all had their costumes and were now ready to leave and finish getting the Hale Manor ready for tonight's party.

-----

Melissa McCall had just turned 44 and she felt that this would be her last ditch effort to find her true soulmate.

Rafael McCall had not been her true soulmate but when they had met neither one had a mate, they were lonely, and had, had too much to drunk to stop themselves from fumbling into a bed in one of the many rooms in the college dorm that they were at one halloween night. Later finding out that she was pregnant.

They had stuck it out with each other for a few years for the soul purpose of Scott until one night Rafe had pushed Scott down the stairs in a drunken state. Melissa had kicked him out and told him not to come back until he stopped drinking. By that time he had joined the FBI and she was a nurse who wanted a hell of a lot more in life than Rafe and no mate bond.

So she was shopping at the last minute for her costume and was stuck with three choices that were in her size. She grabbed one on chance and left to get ready for the Hale Manor Party.

-----

The Hale Manor Party

Melissa had just gotten to the Hale house and was now sipping a ‘Vamp Julep’ a play on the mint julep. She was wearing the best costume that she had to choose from a 2 broke girls Caroline waitress uniform. When she first saw her son and his best friend who was practically like her son from all the nights that he had stayed with them after his mother died.

“What the hell are you two supposed to be?” Melissa asked. Pointing to the huge bulge in Scotts pants.

“I’m an angel in a trench coat.” Stiles said.

“More like baby in a trench coat Bilinski.” Someone said behind them.

They all turned to look at who the massive asshole was when they turned and saw Jackson who was oddly enough…(and Stiles and Melissa were 100% sure that it was absolute fucking fate) Jackson was wearing the exact matching costume as Scott. Except that his said ‘Testicule Right’ at the top of his grey sweats in black clothes marker.

And really what were the chances of that match…

“Uh...I guess you could say I am his left testicule to his right.” Scott said being in shock of finding his mate with such a weird and unique costume.

“Hey testicule left and right! Maybe you should go and talk, somewhere more quiet?” Stiles said all with sarcasm.

“Yeah maybe?” Scott asked hopeful, looking at Jackson.

“Yeah whatever!” Jackson said but everyone could tell he was covering his true feelings with a grimace-smirk combo.

As they headed towards a empty balcony on the first floor Melissa noticed someone who was wearing the matching costume to hers.

“Your fucking kidding me?” Stiles heard her mumble and look up to the roof or possibly to god in disbelief. He then looked to where Melissa was now staring.

“Lydia Martin!!!” Melissa and Stiles said at the same time. Though Melissa was in shock of finding her mate in Lydia who was her sons age and who her son and Stiles had past relationships with, if only brief ones. Whereas Stiles was trying to not laugh at the irony of it all.

“She’s amazing you know. And she won't care about the age gap mom. Plus if she hurts you she won't just have Scott to worry about hurting her, banshee be damned.” Stiles said hugging Melissa or really his pseudo mom before kissing her cheek and pushing her in Lydia’s direction.

As Stiles watched Melissa approach Lydia with trepidation, she touched Lydia on the shoulder making the girl turn around. The group that was surrounding Lydia all became silent. He could see Allison in a Harley Quinn costume, Derek and Erica in Nightmare Before Christmas costumes and Isaac who was in the matching costume as Allison as the Joker. It was apparent that Allison and Isaac were mates.

This was one thing that was hard for Stiles. Couples tended to be matched up faster than the blink of an eye, especially once parties got started, which tended to be hard on those without mates or those who hadn't found theirs that year or had yet to find them before midnight.

Sad but wanting to be uplifted he went to the kitchen for a drink. He started to grab the last mummytini, of course a play on the appletini with coconuts instead, when a hand fell on his.

“Oh sor...God…” Stiles said when he looked at the culprit whose hand now held his, to see the one the only Dean Winchester or rather Chris Argent or rather his...mate.

“Your..My..Mate?” Chris asked unuciating each word. “How do you feel about this? I am much older than you and I haven't had a male partner since….” Chris started to ask Stiles his feelings on the matter before being interrupted.

“Ahh those were good times Christopher. Hello Stiles! Nice to see you both.” Peter spoke sounding smug as ever.

Stiles finally saw what costume Peter had on and saw that his was the other famous Winchester-Sam- and thought how crazy it was that the three of them had found just the right costumes to make them the perfect mates. The Angel and hunters for the ex hunter, werewolf, and human.

“Wait did you say...and you said…??? You have to tell me the story of how you both got together and like now please!” Stiles said over the top excited. Asking for the story once they had grabbed a drink and headed off to a room, that Stiles suspiciously thought was Peter’s, to talk were it would be more private.

#stetopher week 2018 #Soulmates

[annonabright]

HEADCANON: annona's two biggest projects !!

ANNONA & JOE (2004-2009).

A quirky kids show about a precocious ballerina (Annona) after she moves into a new house inhabited by a lonely ghost, Joe (originally played by a boy Annona’s age named Danny Joe Bradley), who starts to follow Annona around when he finds out she’s the only person on Earth who can see him.

The show started as an innocent, offbeat but light-hearted little sitcom, with one or two gallows humor jokes (usually related to existentialism) thrown into the season for the parents who are watching with their 6-year-olds. (Think EERIE, INDIANA if anyone has ever heard of that.) They originally never touched on the logistics of how Joe died or why Annona had the ability to see him.

Annona gained a lot of attention for doing her own dancing for her character. She was classically trained in ballet from 2002 until 2010.

It was a success with children, but it gained massive attention when someone popularized an internet fan theory that the character of Annona was schizophrenic. Suddenly everybody was watching the show through the lens of it being about a deeply disturbed girl who’s too mature to connect to anyone her own age, and the writers of the show decided to embrace that in the following seasons.

The show’s dark humor became less subtle in season 2, with more hints of Annona’s mental illnesses and existential crises. It was still marketed as a show for children and popular among the alleged target audience, but it was clear that it was being written for adults. By season 3, the show had become one huge allegory for SOLIPSISM. The controversy around the show only helped it become more popular. It was too big to cancel.

But while filming season 3, Danny Joe Bradley died while they were filming their Hannukah episode in a ski lodge in December 2008. (I’ll make a headcanon post about how he died if anyone is interested but I’m trying to keep this bio condensed!)

Because the show was too successful, the studio decided they needed to milk a full 4 seasons out of it, and so the role of Joe was recast.

The show ended on a high note. The boy they cast as Joe looked close enough that the child audience didn’t notice. But headlines and buzz about the dead actor who played a ghost turned the show into a cultural staple, and the recasting was the last piece of controversy it needed to go down in history.

7 years after it’s ended, people talk about about as much as they talk about shows like The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, but everyone who lived through the tabloid stories and urban legends surrounding the show will remember it whenever it’s mentioned to them. It has a tremendous cult following on the internet and at geek conventions, but it may be more of a distant memory to the average teenager, since it aired when these kids were about 5-10 years old.

But it’s still very popular among stoners who watch shows like Adventure Time and Courage the Cowardly Dog. It was and still is HUGE in Japan.

SPITTING IMAGE (2015).

A sundance darling psychological thriller that became an instant classic in the horror genre, akin to the likes of The VVitch, It Follows, The Babadook, Hereditary, and so on. Super atmospheric mystery movie about human cloning; big themes and ethical questions involving duality, replacement, artificiality, identity.

94% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Annona played the main character’s daughter, Dolly (maybe the clone of his dead wife? idk I’ll figure out the plot to this movie as we go), and there’s a big base of people who say she was snubbed for an Oscar nomination for her performance.

There’s a line in the movie that’s probably really well-acted and powerful in context, but it’s so dramatic and over the top that it became a meme for Youtube Poops and shitposts all over the internet. (Think Leonardo DiCaprio’s “MAL!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!!!” wailing from Inception.) The iconic line is probably something like “HE’S DEAD, DOLL, DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!” and maybe the youths thought it was funny because of the alliteration. If you shout this quote at her she’s very likely to try to smack you. It’s been three years. She’s tired of hearing it.

She’s been in a lot of horror movies (both artsy and trashy) and made cameos in some tv shows but these are the two she’s most known for. She’s done a lot of quirky-weird-dark indie movies and a Hocus Pocus-esc halloween kids movie back in 2012. Her career slowed down after 2015 when she started to really spiral into depression. 

She’s not in the public eye too much anymore, and doesn’t frequently get noticed in public. But she’s become a kind of idol in Japan and has cult princess status in the horror movie fanbase.

her family’s credentials.

UNCLE: Grant McKean. Critically acclaimed director specializing in thriller movies. (think: Christopher Nolan logic/storylines meets David Lynch atmosphere!) He’s slowly turning into the next stereotypical film bro’s favorite director. Not quite Tarantino/Fincher level, but he’s getting there. MOTHER: Linda McKean Bright. vapid indie/arthouse director whose career never really took off. FATHER: Sam Bright. middle-aged actor who hasn’t been in anything widely successful since he was 22.

#i swear there'll be context to all of this and my last post when i put up her bio tonight but for now here's;;;;: this. :j #✕ ░ h e a d c a n o n. ░ #I'll say she's more of an obscure indie-tier celebrity? #really big deal to some circles (indie film buffs and horror fanatics) but she doesn't have to be recognized by everybody in NYC #it's possible that characters in the age group of growing up on her show wouldn't recognize her if they don't pay attention to pop culture #it would be like recognizing one of those kids from the naked brothers band. they might look familiar but they aged out of their baby faces #I always feel guilty playing this character in roleplays because I feel like celebrity muses are kind of spotlight hogs #but I feel like an NYC rp is perfect for that. Especially here because there are other kind of middle tier celebrity muses. :) #And speaking of those middle tier celebrities/actors/models --- I would love to plot with characters like Cece or Connor! #And Isabelle! Maybe she could be Annona's new ballet mentor since Annona has to train in dancing again for her show's reunion season? #and non celebrity muses too good golly please! #i'm off to dig up the old intro post i made for the last time i played this muse and then i'll be back here to plot and writing tonight! #(speaking of the last time i played annona. can you fellas believe i had to slap an s at the end of my own character's url #because @annonabright was apparently taken by some spam bot that pics up on url changes. #this url makes me look like a fanblog for my own fictional celebrity character. i feel preposterous. this would only happen to me.)

[alittledropofheaven]

On the internet, where people become data and popularity is conveniently quantified, it’s easy to learn what a community values most. Twitter embraces celebrities and #brands. Reddit stans for Barack Obama and elaborate pop-culture GIFs. Quora is an asylum of techies questioning their morality and their stock options; its second-most-upvoted answer is a “soul-satisfying” account of a sales bro helping a homeless man.

On the Bodybuilding.com forums, the two most popular threads of all time are not about deadlifts, intermittent fasting, or maintaining motivation. They’re about women. Specifically, women Bodybuilding.com members would “love to pound.” While one thread features pictures of “petite/slim girls” and the other of “athletic girls,” both are an endless stream of lightly Photoshopped near-nudity and predictably lecherous comments. Both have been viewed almost 3 million times. And both are on the lone section of the Bodybuilding.com forums that’s explicitly unrelated to fitness: the Misc.

“Participate at your own risk, some content NSFW,” reads the description of the Misc. on the forums’ homepage. “U Aware?”

The number of people who are Aware, it turns out, is over 16 million. As of January 2018, these members of Bodybuilding.com have made more than 137 million posts on the forums, including 90 million on the Misc. The forums first became active in 2000, a time before Wikipedia and when “Skype” was neither app nor verb. Myspace—Myspace!—didn’t exist until three years later. The Misc., as the predominant section of an internet community with such immense popularity and longevity, has cemented its place near the top of Google’s search results for any query imaginable. To appropriate Rule 34, if it exists, there’s a Misc. thread for it. Online, at least, the Misc. is inescapable.

A cursory scroll through the Misc. reveals what it has in common with the still-popular internet communities it predates, Reddit and 4chan. There are the memes, comics, copypastas, acronyms, and slang recycled endlessly in a digital echo chamber largely devoid of moderation. There are the forum members—Miscers, they call themselves—who post, and post in, intentionally incendiary threads about whether tongue rings scream “cum dumpster” and how “Crossfit is gay,” then fan the flames for entertainment’s sake by doubling down on their inanity. There are moments ofuproarious, absurd, gut-busting idiocy. There are ideology-clarifying usernames (RICHSTRONG, MinisterOfLust, weightsb4dates, WishIWasJawBrah, MericaThatsWhy) and statement-making profile pictures (deliberately titillating yet invariably off-putting abdominal shots, monochromatic selfies, strategically underlit bicep closeups). There are trolls surely seething and/or laughing maniacally, their keystrokes like machine-gun fire, as they launch poorly punctuated ad-hominem attacks and, at their most destructive, encourage people to commit suicide. There are sexists, racists, xenophobes, and homophobes. There is the sense of being in a parochial, patriarchal madhouse where decorum has gone to die.

What emerges, when you spend enough time on the Misc., is a ghoulish portrait of a place that embodies the white, male id currently at the helm of S.S. America. The Misc. is a stone-faced Uncle Sam with Popeye’s forearms and a cocked pistol in each hand. It’s a screeching bald eagle with a foreign Bad Thing in its talons. It’s everything that defines America’s bro culture, magnified and weaponized. But it’s deeper than that.

“Bro-merican” culture is largely defined by the stratification of power and status, both real and imagined. So, too, is Bodybuilding.com, where a power imbalance is embedded in the structure and design of the site’s forums. Unlike on 4chan, where all posts are anonymous and ephemeral, or on Reddit, where the grand sum of a user’s upvotes has little value, Bodybuilding.com members’ reputation points, or “reps,” mediate and deeply influence community interactions. While reps are similar to Facebook likes—weighted such that getting either “repped” or “negged” by a user with hundreds of thousands of reps will drastically affect your own rep count—they function as the Misc.’s de facto currency. Your rep count is displayed next to your every post. It’s like your bank account balance flashing on your forehead whenever you speak.

Bullying by those with power (high-rep Miscers) and obsequiousness by those without it (low-rep Miscers) is rampant. Getting negged by a high-rep Miscer means potentially becoming a “red,” a user with negative reputation points, displayed beneath your username as a gradated red bar as jarring as a stop sign. If you’re a red, you’re a second-class citizen. Your posts might as well come with a disclosure: “I’m a worthless idiot. Please listen to absolutely nothing I say.”

The opinions and caprices of high-rep “green” Miscers, then, dictate the forum’s personality. Any Miscer brave enough to post contrarian ideas—including, and especially, those that are liberal and feminist—is often negged into oblivion. Bad joke misses the mark? Negged. Sincere comment comes off as sarcastic? Negged. The Misc. is an echo chamber in which “greens” are given a megaphone and a gun.

But in contrast with Reddit and 4chan, the Misc. has been filtered through and molded by bodybuilding subculture, a set of beliefs and customs rooted in the many manifestations of stereotypical masculinity: egotism, aggression, hypersexuality, über-competitiveness, entitlement. Insecurity, intolerance, misogyny. Bodybuilding, after all, is not about functional strength but about vanity and surface appearances, how masculinity is projected to the world. It fosters narcissism by trading in cosmetic superlatives: the highest bicep peaks, the most vascular calves, the most extreme V-shaped back.

The Misc. applies this dog-eat-dog frame of mind to every topic. Everything is a masculinity- or dick-measuring contest. Including, of course, the actual dick-measuring contests, because Miscers are nothing if not cripplingly aware of their own inadequate manhood. Swears and slurs are censored but their creatively misspelled phonetic workarounds are not, which makes for a forum full of “kunts” talking “chit” and menacingly telling each other to “pepper your angus” (prepare your anus). The most recurrent insults all concern perceived masculinity, or lack thereof. “U mad bro?,” a popular retort, juxtaposes one-of-the-guys slang with the notion that showing emotion means demonstrating debilitating weakness. A real bro doesn’t get mad, he only gets testosterone-fueled revenge.

Near the bottom of the masculinity totem pole are “low-T beta manlets”—that is, short, shy, effeminate guys. Lower down are “phaggots,” a word that gets tossed around the Misc. like salt at a Sichuan restaurant. Lest any Miscer think you’re a “phucking phaggot,” all posts about personal care, fashion, home decoration, or how to look like a certain actor/model/bodybuilder are appended with “no homo.” Yet shaky Misc. logic dictates that even if you’re a gay man, there’s still someone you genetically out-alpha and who is, therefore, below you: a woman.

While the entire internet is teeming with horny men whose dark loneliness and insecurity wears the cloak of misogyny, they seem to be especially vocal, and in especially high numbers, on the Misc. Every other thread is a depressing question (“Think she’s faithful to him?”) or a charged statement (“Drunk Sex > Sober Sex”) about women—their bodies, hitting on them, their innate tendency to cheat—and sex—where to find it, how to go “no contact” after having it, why she is fucking him.

The Misc.’s ties to PUA (pickup artist) forums and Reddit’s /r/TheRedPill, a perniciously misogynist, anti-feminist Reddit community dedicated to “discussing sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men,” are as well documented as they are unsurprising. One of PUA’s most frequent suggestions is to acquire “inner game,” or self-confidence through self-improvement. Miscers, being on what is ultimately a bodybuilding forum, have inverted that mantra—they’re going from the outside in. Look good, feel good.

Other elements of the manosphere, from cries of societal misandry to sexual techniques like kino escalation and shit-testing, permeate the Misc. All women are “thirsty sloots” to be conquered, their emotions and physical well-being to be toyed with for internet strangers’ entertainment. When, to the forum’s delight, a Miscer posts about a sexual conquest in lurid detail—a surefire way to rack up the reps—the verbs employed are barbaric: “took down,” “smashed,” “hit.” To have “oneitis,” or an obsessive and unrequited crush on one woman, is to be afflicted with a masculinity-destroying emotional disease, one that can be cured, naturally, by sexually subjugating another woman. Regardless of whether a Miscer is successful or is rejected in the pursuit of sex, the response is the same: “Sloots gonna sloot.”

Despite the Misc.’s obsession with women, it has the latent homoeroticism you’d expect of a website devoted to a male-dominated sport in which bronzed, muscled competitors get smeared with oil and put on thongs before preening onstage in front of other men. This is no more obvious than when discussing a “Chad.” While there is a 5,000-post thread asking what, exactly, defines a Chad, the consensus is that he’s shorthand for a tall, built, strong-jawed, big-dicked, thick-haired, financially successful, athletic, confident, funny, sociable man who, because of these eminently desirable qualities, has his pick of the XX-chromosome litter. You look at a Chad and say, “This guy fucks.” (The prototypical Miscer might be a “Sheldon,” minus any TV-driven connotations of high-level intelligence.) Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski is a stone-cold Chad. Chad Johnson of The Bachelor is a Chad, and not just in name. It’s no accident that “Chad” is one of the most generically white and straight names imaginable, nor that archetypal Chads are nearly always white and straight. The etymological origin of the name Chad is the Welsh word cad, meaning “battle,” a fact that would surely delight Miscers to no end.

The Misc.’s resident Chad is an Australian bodybuilder known by his Bodybuilding.com handle, Zyzz. In early 2010, Zyzz began regularly detailing his “aesthetic” lifestyle on the Misc. As the so-called and self-proclaimed “king of aesthetics,” and with the zingy catchphrases “U mirin’ brah?” and “U jelly?,” Zyzz became the preeminent demigod of the Misc., where he and his “Aesthetics Crew,” acolytes similarly lacking in shirts, body fat, and social grace, were #bodygoals and #squadgoals come to life. Pictures and videosof Zyzz fist-pumping shirtless in public, wrapping his tanned arms low around the waists of nipple-pastied ravers at festivals, adopting a Herculean pose while standing in a shopping cart—these were the icons of the Misc. religion. When Zyzz died of a heart attack in 2011 at the age of twenty-two, his death became the sixth-most-searched death-related topic in Australia that year. His Facebook page, still regularly updated, has over 400,000 likes.

Zyzz’s masculinity showed itself in vain but harmless demonstrations of grandiosity, but other headline-making Miscers have expressed theirs through violence and morally indefensible acts. Gable Tostee first became a Misc. star by posting screenshots of his Tinder and text conversations with women he “rooted,” or had sex with; he entered Misc. lore after creating an ill-advised thread titled “Regarding the balcony tragedy” in the wake of news that one of his Tinder dates had been found dead from a fall from his apartment balcony. (Tostee was later acquitted of murder and manslaughter.) A Miscer known as YaBoyDave secretly filmed himself having sex with women—“whale-smashing,” in Misc. parlance—and posted the videos on the Misc.; he served 10 months in jail and is now a registered sex offender.

Still worse was Luka Magnotta, a wannabe model whose desperately misguided attempts at fame led him to asphyxiate kittens on camera and, later, live stream the brutal murder and dismemberment of a Chinese student while music from American Psycho played in the background; he was arrested at an internet café in Berlin, alternately surfing for pornography and reading news stories about himself, and it was later revealed that he’d posted on the Misc. Most infamously, Elliot Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter, was active on the Misc., starting threads like “Why do girls hate me so much?” and “I’m tired of seeing losers with hot chicks.” In the latter thread, he recalled being “disturbed and offended” by seeing a “short, ugly Indian guy driving a Honda Civic” with a “hot blonde girl in his passenger seat.” It’s the bro’s classic sense of entitlement: Why should someone less masculine than me have what I know I deserve?

Miscers reaching toxic masculinity’s most violent nadir are mercifully few and far between. Yet the obvious connection between these people is one shared by the vast majority of the Misc. They’re young, white men whose social and sex lives are marked by absence or humiliating rejection, and their worldviews have likely been shaped by those failures. Rodger, for one, admitted in his autobiographical manifesto to having “never even kissed a girl.” He was an “incel,” or involuntarily celibate. “Not getting any sex,” he wrote, “is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth.”

A pervasive negative sense of self, of disappointment about one’s past and simultaneous anxiety and hopelessness for one’s future, is to the Misc. what the iceberg was to the Titanic: visible if you know to look for it, destructive if you don’t, and lurking below the surface all the same

The running joke about Miscers is that they’re all sad, awkward, forever-alone virgins who don’t lift and are on the only non-fitness-oriented section of a bodybuilding website because they can’t get their shit together. It’s revealing that one of the Misc.’s celebrities—there’s a 24,000-word condensed version of his “saga” on a fan-made website dedicated to him—is a weird, often clueless Everyman. He’s neither egregiously out of shape nor conventionally “aesthetic,” and his videos show a distinct lack of social awareness, a trait cultivated, presumably, by a life spent behind a computer screen and under a barbell.

Users of other Bodybuilding.com sections and other internet communities entirely propagate this idea of the Misc. as a cesspool of beta males with hopelessly futile aspirations of being alpha. “They have to be some of the most insecure dudes out there,” a Hypebeast forum user said of Miscers. On another forum, a user wrote that the Misc. is “filled with people [who] make fun of autism, while at the same time they themselves complain about their jobs, women, etc.”

More often, however, the call is coming from inside the house. Miscers reveal their vulnerabilities and problems in earnest with critically self-aware, self-deprecating posts. There are countless threads about “beta” topics like being a virgin (a Google search of site:bodybuilding.com “virgin” yields nearly 70,000 results), undergoing hair loss, not knowing how to normally interact with women, and giving up entirely. The Misc.’sRelationships and Relationships Help sub-forum would be more aptly titled “Sex: Help.” The “Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III” thread is “stickied” by moderators at the top of the Misc., indicating that it resonates with the community; “Part II,” before it got so long that a new thread had to be created, had 10,000 posts and 1.6 million views. After the two aforementioned pornographic threads of “petite/slim girls” and “athletic girls,” the most-viewed Misc. threads are one about “Beta/cringe” moments of social awkwardness and another that documents the 350-pound weight-loss journey of a Miscer named Wetbreasts. For many Miscers, undoubtedly, browsing those threads is either motivational or like looking in a mirror. Or both.

It might appear counterintuitive that unconfident, sex-deprived, socially awkward young men would congregate—by the millions—on a bodybuilding website. But that paradox is precisely what’s responsible for the Misc.’s enduring allure.

It goes like this: A young guy thinks that improving his body will improve himself, that lifting weights will make him more confident, which will make girls like him more, which will make him happier, which will get him laid. And so on. In search of guidance, he finds Bodybuilding.com, where, after analyzing fat-to-ripped or skinny-to-jacked transformation stories, he ends up on the most popular part of the website: the Misc. But in the Misc. he finds a different kind of self-help: a vibrant, active community of like-minded guys. Guys who’ve felt inadequate and lonely and somehow less than manly, who’ve struggled with women and friends and money and body image, who’ve laughed at internet jokes and self-referential image macros that no one found funny, much less comprehensible, in real life. With a newfound sense of solidarity, this young guy wades deeper into the Misc., a community that gets him, his worldview increasingly shaped by this bodybuilding subculture, his mind warped by the community’s devil-may-care, “LOL, nothing matters” ethos.

It’s this last quality of the Misc. that Miscers themselves most readily use to characterize the forum. They see the stupidity of getting worked up over little green internet squares. They don’t take themselves seriously—it’s a motley crew of dudes on a bodybuilding site, bro—so nor should anyone else. Their attitude, one adopted from the bro culture with which they’re intertwined, is predicated on actions not having consequences. Break shit and someone else will pay for it. Get blind drunk, scream offensive things in public, and your boys will carry you home. Sexually harass or assault a woman, more than one woman, dozens of women, and you’ll still be revered, promoted, elected. You’re just “bro-ing out,” man, be easy, be chill, have a beer, have a protein shake.

“bro that forum is a fucking laugh man, just need a sense of humour,” a Hypebeast forum user wrote, in a thread titled, “The misc section of the bodybuilding forums is full of clowns.” If you’re young, white, and male, with a sense of humor shaped by the internet and a sense of privilege shaped by, well, everything else, the Misc.’s “clowns” can certainly be hilarious. But the further you are from that in-group, the more those clowns start to look like a horde of disturbing, misogynistic Pennywises.

Zyzz was once your standard insecure teenager with bad hair and spaghetti-thin arms. “I remember feeling like a little bitch when I was out with girls, walking next to them and feeling the same size as them,” he said in an interview. Becoming “aesthetic” hid a profound insecurity. His no-fucks-given attitude hid a fierce desire to be wanted.

Miscers see only the mirage. To them, Zyzz was living, walking, flexing proof that an average guy could eventually open the door to the HBB-filled alpha-male kingdom by gaining confidence and an aesthetically pleasing body. But the king is no more. And not every guy in search of personal fulfillment finds the key to that door by picking up a barbell. Not every young, white male who’d otherwise troll Reddit or 4chan becomes, through bodybuilding, the type of bro who doesn’t spend time on internet forums because he’s too busy crushing it, whatever “it” is, in real life. The Misc.—an online fraternity of the average and awkward, a safe space of the resentful and lustful and doubtful—is for the bros still searching.

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