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lttleghost · 1 year

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The Thematic Relevance of Jesse Pinkman as an Egg 🏳️‍⚧️

(I wrote this analysis awhile back and wanted to make a fresh post to update it!)

While not intentional, there is a lot in Breaking Bad that supports reading Jesse as an egg. This reading of Jesse has a lot of thematic and narrative relevance and also doesn't create any conflicts with the canon material. Jesse being someone who hasn’t realized he’s not actually a man yet could quite literally be canon.

This analysis is heavily based around parallels between Jesse’s character development and what Breaking Bad thematically associates with gender. It’s also heavily interconnected with the show's overarching theme of change, and also, at least for our two main characters of Walt and Jesse, the revealing of true self. There’s plenty of evidence that each of them already had the traits we see them with at the end of Breaking Bad. Jesse being this very kind and compassionate young adult and Walt being this egotistical monster.

But I would consider Walt's self-deception to be more shallow than Jesse’s self deception. While Walt did end up in a lifestyle that was opposed to who he truly was, he consciously knew what he wanted to some extent, whereas Jesse fully convinced himself that he was a different person than the one he truly is because he never really got the chance to actually figure out much about himself.

There are a lot of examples of Jesse’s disconnected sense of self throughout the show, but the first one that comes to mind has to do with his superhero OCs-

EDIT: YO! if you find video essays more engaging than reading a bunch of text, this analysis now also comes in video form [link]

I think that Jane’s observation that all of them looked like Jesse was, in fact, correct. I wouldn’t consider him doing this as a conscious decision but I feel that he almost admits it. After initially denying that his OCs looked like him and after Jane affectionately teases him he ends up saying to her “like you never wanted a superpower.” And while you could interpret this as just a response to her teasing, I’m convinced that there’s an additional layer to it. Especially because when Jane leaves to check the door, there's a moment where Jesse looks at the sketchbook with his drawings and it seems like he’s considering something, and I’d bet you anything that what he’s thinking about is whether or not he had actually drawn himself and this is REALLY interesting since-

Jesse is a criminal right? And while superheroes themselves are technically criminals as well, as vigilante justice isn’t actually legal, they’re still typically known to be ‘crime fighters’, and Jesse describes his characters as being such. So with his OCs subconsciously being depictions of himself and them being superheroes (crime fighters) and his current life as a criminal, you get the image of someone who doesn’t know who he is or what he wants deep down.

There’s no way that Jesse’s current delinquent lifestyle was his truly… preferred path. It’s much more likely it was the only thing he thought he could do successfully. It’s evidently been the one thing he’s made a decent living off of. He has no support from his parents, and doesn’t seem like he has had it since he was a highschooler. Jesse is shown to have no support outside of the drug trade. Most of his personal skills and interests are artistic or honestly domestic in a world that assigns more value to academics and he’s a highschool graduate who doesn’t have any job experience.

I also believe Jesse is very aggressively ADHD coded, and the combination of having virtually no support, struggling with addiction, and having undiagnosed and improperly self medicated ADHD would make slogging through any “respectable” job that he has access to, or any job that his parents might encourage him to do, unbearable.

So the drug trade was his best bet, Jesse even views cooking meth as a form of art, something that he’s passionate about.

I can’t in good faith ignore that doing something that is... generally frowned upon, didn’t factor into what Jesse chose to do on some level, as society and the structures that it’s built on failed him and there’s an inherent sense of rebellion that often forms in a person when they’re failed like that. Granted, superheroes also tend to often contain some commentary on societies failings as well. Jesse just couldn’t actually be a real-life superhero. So with the few benefits it had in practice compared to any other job, Jesse played into the rest of the role of a criminal, and convinced himself that the aspects of it that conflicted with his personality... didn’t, probably without even noticing.

Even more to this disconnect; When Jane asks “and that’s a superpower?” in response to Jesse explaining Backwardo’s powers Jesse responds with “come on, I was a kid when I drew these, it was like four years ago.” And Jesse is 24 years old in that scene, meaning that he would’ve been 20 when he drew these characters, and when I first wrote this analysis I was wondering whether or not Jesse had gotten involved with the drug trade other than buying drugs by that time, but there wasn’t really anything I could confirm any theories with.

But now I've got the Better Call Saul episode “Waterworks” where Jesse has his second cameo, where he is in fact, 20, and in that cameo Jesse accompanying Emilio, a person we know is his partner in cooking meth, to Saul’s office makes me certain he’s in it by that point. And I just have to wonder if Jesse’s superheroes were almost a… subconscious vent, a manifestation of how being a criminal in the specific way Jesse is, is not what he wants. Something that suggests that Jesse’s actual identity and his current view of his identity don’t line up.

Another thing to point out about the cameo that could be seen as additional evidence of Jesse’s discomfort with being more than just a customer of the drug trade is that he was hanging out outside of Saul’s office, and until Kim gave him one he didn't have a cigarette, so he wasn’t out there to smoke. And while there could be other explanations to why he was outside on his own, I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say, other than just his general skepticism of Saul, he was just not particularly jazzed to be where he was at that moment and not comfortable going inside.

So relating all of this to gender; that narrative of convincing yourself that you are the person that you’re supposed to be for your best chance of survival instead of being able to truly be yourself already works pretty strongly as an allegory for being trans. But to add onto that even more, thematically Breaking Bad associates “manhood” with the drug trade in one way or another, and paralleling how Jesse realizes he doesn’t fit into the drug trade like he thought he did with how he might not be a cis man like he thought he was makes for a really solid queer reading.

The whole show is pretty explicitly about toxic masculinity. Obviously in real life masculinity and manhood do not have to be toxic, and in Breaking Bad’s original intended story Jesse is a cis man who ends up not fitting into those toxic ideas of manhood.

Things that the rest of the male cast don’t blink at or at least have more mild reactions to, just tear Jesse apart. He’s also targeted at least a couple of times for having emotional vulnerability that is considered to be “not manly”. It’s much easier to point out the differences between him and the male cast than it is to point out similarities between them and this just gets more pronounced the longer the show goes on. He doesn’t really have any positive ties to being a man and I don’t think we can say we ever see Jesse actually reclaim his own sense of manhood. And I think that lack of reclamation gives even more legitimacy to the reading that, along with leaving the drug trade and all of its toxic masculinity bullshit behind, maybe Jesse just leaves behind being a man altogether, and maybe it was something that wasn’t really ever a true part of him, just like his life as a criminal.

Even at the start of the series Jesse’s attempts at hyper-masculinity come off as really goofy and performative. In episode one Krazy-8 mentions that Emilio thinks that Jesse might’ve ratted on him Jesse first has a much more genuine response of “that’s bullshit” which makes sense with his strong character trait of being loyal, but then he goes to say “I should kick his punk ass for even thinking that.” and it just sounds like fake bravado to me. There’s no way Jesse actually thinks he stands a chance against Emilio since Jesse has a body type that resembles a small bird and there's no way he has that little self awareness. He's just playing out a script that wasnt even well thought through, and while some of his other performances of masculinity don’t come across as that fake, there aren’t many that feel like they actually come from Jesse himself, they just feel like something that he just thinks he should do.

And while not every experience with men Jesse has is negative, there always seems to be some distance between him and the men he does have good relationships with. Jesse forms a parent-child type relationship with Mike that is healthier than any other he’s had up to that point other than probably his aunt, but there’s a part of Jesse that Mike never seems to fully get. When Jesse doesn’t want Lydia to be killed Mike says that 'this woman deserves to die as much as any man' and I think he misses that Jesse just still isn’t that keen on killing people even with everything he’s gotten involved with. Even if there are some acts of violence and even some people’s deaths he is fine with and thinks are justified, Jesse never fully adapts to “the job” the way Mike does, and Mike is just not quite able to understand that, or at least not why.

Jesse and his friends have a distance between them as well. Though they’re arguably not as entrenched in toxic masculinity as any of the other prominent men in the show are, and aren’t nearly as involved in the violence of dealing drugs despite being in the trade. Yet still Jesse’s interactions with them most of the time feel different and more withdrawn than their interactions with each other. Like Jesse really wants their presence and company and wants to fit in but there ends up being something that he can’t connect with alongside them, and this also gets more prominent as the show progresses. There’s parts where Jesse seems to be withholding how badly his “high rank” in the drug trade is affecting him when Pete and Badger seem to sort of idolize him for it and want in on it. I think Jesse sort of considers saying something to them about it, but he hesitates and doesn’t. He repeatedly doesn’t confide in them even though, while his friends do perform some facets of hyper-masculinity, they don’t really seem to target or reject vulnerability in the way most of the other men in Breaking Bad do. And Jesse’s distance from even the more harmless side of the male cast makes it feel like it’s not just the toxic masculinity that he’s disconnected from.

Jesse’s relationships with women even further separate him from the men of the show. His romantic relationships with Jane and Andrea read much more as relationships between equals, compared to Walt and Skyler or Hank and Marie. While Jesse does throw the “nice job wearing the pants in the family” insult at Walt in episode two of the first season, after Skyler almost caught him moving Emilio’s body, in Jesse’s own relationships he never actually tries to take control and doesn’t have any problem with Jane honestly being the person making more active choices for the both of them in their relationship, which Walt comments on by throwing that same “nice job wearing the pants” insult back at Jesse.

Another interesting thing found within Jesse’s relationship with Jane that ties them to specific gender roles happens after Jane doesn’t really introduce him to her father. Jesse asks about it and after a bit this Jane ends up saying “What am I supposed to say? Hey dad, meet the stoner guy who lives next door and by the way I’m sleeping with him?” and Jesse replies “Is that all you think you’re doing?”

It’s been pretty common for “the guy” to be considered as the one who sees a relationship as just being sex and “the girl” to see it as being romantic, and this is a very very dumb aspect of traditional western gender roles that this scene even has to subvert, but I think in the context of Breaking Bad’s dealings with gender roles the fact that Jesse is put in the role much more typically associated with women could be viewed as significant. And this significance can be extended to the show’s most prominent dynamic, dealing with the relationship between abusive men and women, Jesse is a victim. I’m not implying men can’t be victims of other men's abuse, but it does make Jesse easier to associate with women in the story, and while the narrative association comes from a negative place, the negativity is directed towards men. But the connection it forms between Jesse and women is a sense of camaraderie and even comfort, at least on Jesse’s side.

and with those connections with women I’d say the most accurate egg interpretation of Jesse is that she’s specifically transfeminine in some way.

I think in this analysis its important to specifically examine Jesse's journey with gender questioning as I think it follows the rest of the ups and downs in her learning more about herself in the resr of her character arc. My personal interpretation of Jesse is that she is a non medically transitioning nonbinary transfem person. The not medically transitioning bit is largely because I enjoy bringing attention to the existence of no-med no-op trans people and to push the point that not seeking medical transition doesnt make a person any less trans, though I do feel that since Jesse's relationship with gender is focused on the societal side of gender roles that don't really relate to physical form that it's a reasonable interpretation that she may not medically transition. I think she uses he/him and she/her pronouns, and is maybe a futch lesbian. I’m saying all of this because it'll be the lens through which I’ll be talking about Jesse’s journey with questioning his gender and how that progresses during the timeline of Breaking Bad. However I don’t claim this to be the only version of transfem Jesse that works with my analysis, or that it's necessarily better than any others that do work. I’ll also be mentioning concepts of “offscreen” additional scenes. That being said, if you’re someone who likes to stick 100% to the text given to us, the “offscreen” scenes aren’t exactly necessary for this interpretation to work as a part of the existing story as the general emotions behind them still stand.

I don’t picture Jesse as having any definable Gender (™) experiences when he was younger other than just a general sense of not belonging, though gender wouldn’t be the only thing playing into that. But as Jesse got older and struggled more, he started to purposefully play the part of what he saw as “a man” to survive in the only role that he thought he could. I see the thought “I wish I didn’t have to be a man” crossing his mind every so often though. I think he just deals with his place in the world for awhile, but after Walt enters the scene and Jesse experiences shit he really didn’t bargain for because of his old teacher, someone who is settling into a personification of toxic masculinity, Jesse’s frustration with being a man becomes more prominent and harder to ignore internally.

In my opinion Jane is the person that helped him start to solidify what exactly those thoughts were indicating. Her approach to relationships would be considered not traditionally cishet, and so is the way she presents herself in general, so I think Jane has some sort of knowledge about the complexities of gender, if she isn't actually queer herself in some way.

And she’s one of the only people we see Jesse truly, truly open up to and so I think at some point later in their relationship Jesse might actually say something about wishing she wasn’t a man around Jane, and I can see Jane saying that Jesse doesn't have to be a man if she doesn't want to be.

But then Jane dies, and I think as a result of that and the lesson Jesse learned from rehab “I’m the bad guy” he goes into just total repression mode. Embodying this new belief Jesse very much dips into the hyper-masculine behavior of the drug trade, he is much more concerned with money beyond paying bills and having nice things, and he plans to do the one thing in the entire show that makes me truly angry at him because of this whole thing, attempting to sell drugs to the rehab group. I don’t think he would’ve ever thought of doing something like that before. He’s trying very hard to be something that’s even further from his actual nature than we’ve seen up until this point.

Part of Jesse’s grief over losing Jane, a person who he confided in probably more than anyone else at that point, was to just completely close up, even to himself. Forget all of those parts of himself that resisted the rougher aspects of the drug trade he was getting dragged into and definitely forget about wondering if he really is a man or not.

At least until meeting Andrea and Brock, which snaps him out of that “I’m the bad guy” mindset, but by that time I think just, too much starts to happen for Jesse to have much time to question her gender. I wouldn’t consider her to be as actively repressing any sort of “I wish I wasn’t a man” thoughts but the amount of turmoil and danger that she’s in, just really really doesn’t lend itself to that sort of gender introspection as much.

I’ve got some additional thoughts on Jesse’s journey with gender that are more headcanons than actual analysis of the show so I didn’t include them in the text above. But I still really wanted to share because I like them and think that they really add to the analysis, so here they are;

I mentioned that I don’t think that Jesse had any particularly notable moments that might’ve suggested that she was trans when she was younger other than feeling out of place, but maybe he did have some interest in playing with “girls stuff” and her parents discouraged it because as we know they’re the shitty type of people who value their child being “normal” at the price of that child’s happiness, but I can also see her being one of those kids who just didn’t even grasp the differences between boys and girls stuff for a longer time than others, or I can even see Jesse’s last connection to the "male" side of gender being from when she was a little boy, before he was aware of the concept of what being a man was, and that it would be expected of her.

But later, in his adulthood, after the idea and pressures of "manhood" became very present in his life, one of the more certain instances of gender questioning I picture Jesse having is at some point while hanging out with Badger, Pete and Combo, Jesse screws around and puts on a dress. And he's like “haha I look like such a queer don’t I?” but is internally thinking something more along the lines of “ I will die before I tell anyone how this makes me feel” (that being that it makes him feel happy).

And then, as we enter into the timeline of the show itself; when Jane first tells Jesse that he doesn’t have to be a man if he doesn’t want to, I don’t actually think that Jesse would be receptive of it at first. I think it’s more likely that he’d decide he suddenly doesn’t want to have this discussion anymore and change the subject. Jesse would still have the misconception that you need to medically transition or at least be required to fit some sort of ‘criteria’ to be trans, instead of just identifying as a different gender than your assigned sex, and I think that would play some role in his not wanting to talk about possibly being trans. And even more because, while he could opt out of telling anyone that he’s trans, Jesse’s in a world in general that isn’t trans-friendly, but the drug trade he’s in specifically is very lgbtq-phobic. Jesse himself is definitely gonna have some internalized transphobia, we’ve seen his homophobia, and I definitely read that as a result of his environment rather than actual hatred considering at Jesse’s true core he’s a pretty caring person. But there are definitely people in the drug trade who would be violently homophobic and transphobic, and Jesse would know that, and would probably perceive even realizing that he is trans to be a threat to his safety. But, later on, further into her relationship with Jane I think she’d open up, even if only to Jane.

And that’s what I like to focus on the most with this analysis, all of the happiness and freedom and healing that Jesse gets to feel detaching himself from manhood, something that honestly contributed so much to every part of his suffering. And god does this girl deserve some happiness.

Then when for the most part too much is going on for Jesse to consider whether or not he’s trans, I still sometimes think of a situation where Jesse might’ve suggested? Her gender questioning to Mike, and while I don’t think Mike’s personal reaction would be technically negative, I think he’d tell Jesse to ‘please not share that with anyone else kid’. Which would be discouraging to Jesse, and she’d quickly backtrack, some because of the reaction on its own but also because he really already knows that it’d be stupid to say anything to anyone else, but it’s not until Jesse’s really free from the drug trade that she can finally crack that egg. I really like to think about the comfort and relief Jesse would get to feel no longer having to try and be a man, cause she finally realizes that she isn’t one.

#breaking bad #jesse pinkman #jesse breaking bad #trans jesse pinkman #queer analysis #breaking bad analysis #brba #jesse brba #this is my girlfriend don't touch him #meat.txt #this is a shortened and edited bit of my video essay script #i just like.... HAD to update my inital text analysis while im working on figuring out how to successfully record my video #cause the old one is so jumbled and stufff #or it feels jumbled to me now at least

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spacedlexi · 3 months

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I am madly in love with your artstyle and its been a big big inspiration for me as of late. Also, what are your thoughts on Jane and Bonnie? Do you like them or not

AAA thank you so much thats so flattering to hear 🥺💕!!

my feelings on jane and bonnie are nuanced just like my opinion on many of twdg characters. but i love twdg for all its messy fucked up characters :) its fun :) so while i dont hate either of them they definitely still do things that piss me off

in janes case, i think her mentorship/sisterhood with clem came more from her guilt about her sister than actually wanting to have this 11 year old around. so while she would teach clem important survival skills, she was also always quick to leave or act selfishly (clems "i thought you believed in me 🥺" always makes me sad). and this is just solidified by her actions in her S3 flashbacks. i do think she TRIES to work with the group, but she just gets in her own way and is never able to fully integrate, especially since the S2 cast is a fucked up mess in and of itself so its understandable. her actions at the end of S2 are born of pure selfishness, leaving a newborn infant in a random freezing vehicle so she could "show clem what kenny was really like" when clem is WELL AWARE of the thread this madman is hanging on to (having already faced the brunt of his frustrations MULTIPLE times at this point, and is desperate not to lose anyone else). she wanted a fight and she got one. i think maybe she told herself it was about saving clem, but honestly i dont think that was really ever her goal. again i just think a lot of her motivation comes out of the guilt of leaving her sister behind, so she saw clem as a second chance to make things right. but depending on clems actions, she can end up on her own without either of them, and jane can be the sister left behind to die. its interesting to see clem kinda pick up janes personality in the first half of S3 now that shes also at a point where she has no one and trusts no one, and is deep down lonely and longing for community. the difference is clem is not selfish (while still caring about self preservation), and actually likes being able to help people when she can. shes more so just afraid of caring for people again to protect herself from what she sees is the inevitable pain of losing them, as opposed to janes "theyre all just gonna bring you down so you should be on your own instead" outlook. but i definitely saw jane (and luke) as a bigger mentor/big sister(/brother) figure to clem than kenny was to her. jane actually taught her how to take care of herself. kenny was just someone from her past she didnt want to let go of

in bonnies case, she can be really horrible to clem if she listened to luke and stayed back instead of trying to grab him, so i'll literally try to save luke just so i dont have to hear it 😭 but also i like the convo her and clem have on the steps if you tried to save him. its an important character moment for clem, being asked what SHE wants instead of what the people around her want, and that she should start thinking about that, which is formative to the decision she makes (or fails to make) at the rest stop. the way bonnie is initially dismissive of carvers behavior i think is supposed to mirror the way clem can be dismissive of kennys behavior after leaving howes. will they come to see the man they once respected is becoming someone unstable? (i used to be in the "kenny might be going crazy but he'd never hurt clem" camp UNTIL i picked the "lee shouldnt have tried to save me 😔" option in the car and kenny threatened to smack her for it AFTER giving it a moment of hesitation so he KNEW what he was saying there. my jaw was dropped. but kenny is just another interesting flawed character in a game of interesting flawed characters (although they Heavily backtracked on the kenny/carver parallels in the S3 flashbacks. you can make the argument hes happier now but idk he cant come back from the threat for me he MEANT that)). bonnie leaving with mike is fucked but understandable, and she can show real concern after clem gets shot before getting chased off by kenny. i hope her and mike are still out there somewhere i dont hate either of them, even tho it was horrible of them to steal ALL of their supplies when they knew they were leaving TWO children behind. like cmon. but overall i liked bonnie :) shes a bit of a mess but i like her for it

in the end i am a twdg woman character forgiver :) i do love all the fucked up ladies its refreshing let them do dumb shit and make mistakes!!! i love mess :)

#replies with lexi #plamglam #twdg #all the misogynists in this fandom GET BACK these female characters are refreshing for being so fucked up #if your fucked up fave men are “understandable” you can understand the fucked up women too 😐

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yujo-nishimura · 5 months

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The Escape - Part 13

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

Luffy had really made it - with his gum gum fruit abilities he had swung you both from rooftop to rooftop like Tarzan and Jane. He seemed highly entertained by the Marines not being able to catch up and your screams in panic. As you finally reach the outskirts of town, Luffy lets go of you and you both just run, towards the harbor where his ship supposedly sat anchor.

You are panting, finally slowing down, you are at the end of your strength for today - the fear while being thrown through the air was a bit too much for you to handle.

Luffy's finger extends towards a magnificent vessel, adorned with a striking figurehead resembling that of a sheep's head. The ship stands tall, graced with two towering masts, its caravel design exuding timeless elegance. Awe washes over you as you gaze upon its impressive form, captivated by its sheer beauty. “Where did you get such a beautiful ship from, Luffy?”

“I was lucky to find the right crew members!”, he grinned proudly and made an inviting gesture.

“Wanna come on board with us?”

Just as you want to accept his invitation you hear a familiar voice behind you:

“She belongs to our crew, straw hat!”

You both turn around, realizing Buggy, Cabaji, Mohji and even Richie had been quicker than the marines and had already boxed you in.

“Oh, the clown guy, Bobby, right?” Luffy scratches his head over this encounter and you take a step back, ready to hide behind your friend.

“The name is Buggy, you little brat! I came here to kill you and now I even have a better reason to do so, since you have someone with you, who belongs to me.”

“Y/n said you abducted her..”, Luffy replied, still with confusion in his face.

“Well, that was what I wanted to talk about with you. Initially we helped each other to survive and find his crew back, but then he got very mean and forced me to stay on his ship…”

You mumble this from behind Luffy's back and he nods while listening attentively.

“All lies!” Buggy yells, his face red in anger just like his nose.

“She rescued me from a sea king and helped me to even find my crew. She is a valuable crew member and I think she does not know yet that she actually really likes me…”

“Really likes you?”, Luffys face is just one big question mark. He cannot follow anything the clown pirate is saying. He just feels that you are grabbing on to him and you are intimidated. He turns around to you and genuinely asks you now: “What do you want to do?” You gulp, actually not sure what you want to do. But you know one thing: “I don't want to take orders anymore!”

“You come back with me!” Buggy yells and steps forward. Lufffy immediately gets ready to fight, shoves you back behind him.

Buggy who expected that things would turn out like this has prepared for a fight as well. Drawing his knives, he detaches his arms and lets them fly towards you and Luffy in a chop-chop cannon. Luffy grabs you so you both are able to dodge the attack, you being less quick and agile than Luffy and just simply falling on the ground.

Acting swiftly and decisively, Luffy harnesses the power of his elastic abilities, delivering a powerful strike known as the "Gum Gum Pistol" directly to Buggy's face. The impact of the blow sends the clown pirate hurtling backward, his comical facade temporarily shattered as he crumples to the ground. Mohji rushes to Buggy's side, concern etched across his face as he checks on his fallen captain.

Seizing the chance amidst the commotion, Cabaji makes his move. With unwavering resolve, he swiftly propels himself towards you, deftly balancing on his singular wheel. Without hesitation, he seizes hold of your shoulders, forcefully pulling you towards him. The cold steel of a sword presses against your throat, making you gulp. “Fuck!”, you whimper, knowing that this will give Luffy a big disadvantage. More than about yourself you worry about your friend.

Buggy gets up, the blow just having him temporarily knocked down. Cabaji smiles at his captain, you can feel him close to your body, his grip tight, knowing he would be ready to hurt you if necessary.

Momentarily diverted by the precarious situation unfolding before him, Luffy's attention shifts from you, held captive in Cabaji's grip, to the looming presence of Buggy. He reacts a bit too late, as he narrowly evades another swift knife attack from the cunning pirate. A flicker of concern flashes across Luffy's face as a small gash appears on his cheek, a testament to the imminent danger that surrounds him. You clench your fist, trying to wiggle yourself free from your abductor. “Luffy” you yell at your friend, “Don't worry about me. I will be fine. Beat them up!”

With a self-assured smile playing upon his lips, Buggy interjects. Rising to his full height, he surveys the unfolding scene, reveling in the advantage he now possesses. The grasp of Cabaji, still firmly holding you captive, grants Buggy a position of control.

Leaning into the moment, Buggy issues a chilling ultimatum: "I strongly advise against any resistance," he asserts with a sinister edge. "If you refuse to surrender, we shall take great pleasure in inflicting slow and agonizing pain upon your dear Y/n. Cabaji is in no mood for jokes today."

A surge of adrenaline courses through your veins as Cabaji applies additional pressure, causing the blade to inch perilously closer to your vulnerable skin. The sensation of pain intensifies, sending a sharp pang through your body, while your racing heart serves as a constant reminder of the danger you're in.

Luffy's eyes widen in alarm as he witnesses your distressing sight. His gaze fixates on the droplets of blood, slowly trickling down your neck and staining the edge of the sword. Time seems to stand still as the gravity of the situation becomes starkly apparent to him.

“Don't listen to them, Luffy..” you whimper and unfortunately do not sound as convincing as you had hoped you would. Luffy stops his movement, looking directly at Buggy now. “What's the matter with you?” “I will give you a choice, Straw Hat.”, he laughs, realizing he has full control of the situation again.

Buggy's voice cuts through the tense atmosphere, his words hang in the air, offering a choice that feels inherently unjust. "You have a decision to make," he taunts. "Surrender yourself to me, and your friend shall be set free. Alternatively, you can leave now, and I will claim Y/n as a captive on my ship." You bite your lip over this unfair deal. Luffy looks at you, not sure what to do next. He knows that both options for him were something he could not agree on.

You look into his eyes, the first time they look seriously at you today. He does not show fear, but hesitation. You decide to make a decision for him.

“Luffy, you will be the king of the pirates. You should not give yourself up to a stupid clown in this situation. Let me go with them and I will break free and meet you later again at the Grand Line…”, you suppress your tears as you say that. But you know this is the only reasonable solution - Buggy who has somehow grown fond of you would never hurt you more than he does right now, but he would definitely try to kill Luffy, understanding what a threat he could be becoming stronger and more experienced with the time.

“I would listen to Y/n, she is just so much smarter than you!” Buggy laughs, holding his hand towards you in an inviting gesture.

“Bring her over here, Cabaji. She has made her decision.” Cabaji, not letting the sword sink from your neck, shoves you towards Buggy and away from Luffy, your childhood friend standing there, frozen in hesitation and frustration at being unable to help you. With a last strong push, Cabaji shoves you towards Buggy, you fall directly into his arms, which he held open for you. The blood from your wound on your neck is staining his shirt as he pressed you close to his chest. You can feel his warmth and hear his heartbeat. You feel too ashamed and helpless to turn around you and you just hold your breath.

“Y/n!”, you hear Luffy yell, “Take good care of yourself until we meet again. I will beat these guys up, if they hurt you any more than they have already done.”

You nod, unable to face Luffy, you again feel this whirlpool of emotion dragging you down, the sudden physical touch of Buggy had stirred something in you, but you also feel humiliated again, having again lost your way to freedom. Buggy lifts you up, surprised and without being able to say anything he just lifts you on his shoulders, like a package, carrying you slowly away from the encounter with Luffy.

Cabaji and Mohji stay behind for a bit longer, watching Luffy that he wont plan any attempt to try getting you back. As Buggy turns around with you you can see Luffy. He is smiling now, waving at you. In his eyes there is no more hesitation but determination to see you again. And you see something else - hope and the conviction that you will be fine. He seems to know more than you at this moment. You close your eyes in order to not cry.

#one piece #one piece buggy #buggytheclown #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #buggy x you #long fanfic #nanowrimo 2023 #long reads

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celaenaeiln · 9 months

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(different anon) i appreciate u mentioning the context from our world aka the editorial’s decision behind dick going to college thing. like, regardless of the, whats the word, questionable?? handling of bruce & dick character in old or golden/silver/bronze comics, the fact remains that 1) the dick going to college stuff was caused by homophobic panic -> led to decisions (which i wont list one by one and it can be easily browsed on the internet) and 2) that the handling affected people’s perception of the characters, which circled back again to number 1 aka it affected the editorials’ decisions

YES!!!! You're so right!

The worst part is I loved Dick and Bruce's relationship in the medal ages. The way they interacted was so natural and fluid and it may have seemed weird but honestly it was just sweet and endearing!

When they redid everything, they couldn't properly distance the two of them because they were so intertwined. And since Dick obviously wouldn't be an asshole (since it goes against his whole persona), it had to be Bruce who initially started off as a lone avenger. This was also easier to do because Bruce was constantly worried Dick was too young in the comics so the editors played it up and started having Bruce act arrogant to Dick which made it a part of his personality. This is the Bruce we know now-an angry, controlling asshole who only expresses that he loves his children when he thinks they're dead.

They messed up so badly that writers are STILL trying to figure out how to write Dick. Most of them got it right. Some of them should find a new career.

I miss what they used to be written as and I miss when Bruce openly showed emotion. Even Alfred wasn't just a stoic butler.

The fan reaction and editorial response led to a horrible rabbit hole which leads to now where DC is frantically retconning everything to make Bruce not seem terrible.

Additionally, I know we're talking about Dick and Bruce but this also is the exact same situation that led to the split of Kory and Dick. Kory and Dick actually used to be almost the number one comic book pairing in the late 20th century. They were so popular that in the 1990s, they were considered the Peter/Mary Jane of DC. Their relationship was the epitome of grand, sweeping romances equivalent to dramatic balcony love stories and legendary greek myths. Readers loved them.

But if they were so popular, why did they split?

Because of the editors of course!

The Batman office really wanted Dick back so they took him away from the Titans office. But the problem is they ripped Dick away from Kory without producing a proper backstory for either of them, especially her. They then continued writing comics that degraded Kory and Dick's relationship into a lust filled romance in order to promote Barbara as Dick's true love.

Other writers for comics more recently continued diminishing the original pairing to support their own agenda or included it to support it.

HOW CAN YOU BALDLY CALL THIS LUST:

Anyway, the Dickbabs was well received which led to a strong divide between fans in Dickkori and Dickbabs. In return DC started altering between different stories based on fans' interest which led to a confusing mess and inconsistent timeline where Dick is torn between multiple love interests. Which is why they would characterize Dick incorrectly or break things off abruptly so he could more easily be torn from the lover he was with to the one of their choice. *cough* Bea/Helena/Shawn/Bridget (especially) *cough*

While I don't like the back and forth, as a Dick Grayson multishipper, I can say I greatly benefitted from it 😅

#retcons are DC's pencil eraser #thanks for the submission!#dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #koriandr #barbara gordon #dickkory #dickbabs #asks

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nix-whythisfilm · 1 year

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Long-Running Shows I Urge Everyone to Watch

Long-standing shows are known for their continuation of the story, it gives depth to all the nuances of characters and story that we can discover in the course of the story. With these shows having over 70 episodes, it is pretty sure to leave anyone with an impression.

The Mentalist (2008-2015)

This award-winning show was one of the classic shows with psychology being used in crime, and the protagonist here is a mentalist. A mentalist can be briefly described as a person with good knowledge of psychology, with other things like cold reading and general knowledge of people's behaviour and society. This show is family-friendly with minimal gore, a fair amount of violence and a running plot for seven seasons. The episodes moved in a fashion where they had active cases to solve in the CBI, but there was also a bigger case that was the big picture throughout the season. This show has a good pace and very rarely tires the audience.

This show is a personal favourite considering it was the first-ever series I ever watched nearly six years ago, it was engaging back then and is exactly that captivating even now. The main character was a con man initially but has now joined as a consultant for the CBI department investigating murders. The characters are all original and fairly do not fit into any stereotype. That makes it interesting because Patrick Jane, the protagonist, is constantly poking at them with his observations of them that they might not always be candid about. It actually gives a new outlook and perspective on people and the human mind through the course of this show.

Merlin (2008-2012)

A curious perspective to the classic story of King Artur and the wizard Merlin, this series is extremely old-school and a genuine change of pace from the mainstream shows. The show is set in Old England with the characters just stepping into the world as youths and trying to find their place in the world. Being a relatively old show, the graphics of the fantasy elements are a little obvious, but otherwise, it is a good series for a family watch. The story moves slowly, each episode being moralistic in nature, till the plot moves into the details for much more of the structure of the myth.

It was slow at the start, which made me think it would be a tedious watch. But then, the show connected in a way that cannot be explained in simple sentences. The slow lives that are shown on screen, with a lack of technology and simple dreams of living, get alluring. While I didn't like the ending of the series it makes sense considering everything in the plotline. But then again, there is always a possibility of an alternative story. Merlin is light-hearted but also has the immense pressure of being the prophecy. Then there is Arthur, brought up with everything at his beck and call, despite having no real companion. What really made them a great pair in this show was that Arthur always stood by Merlin, and Merlin was the only one to call Arthur's bullshit.

Teen wolf (2011-2017)

A show that was heavily called out for the stereotypes and cliches it represented in the media, it knocked off all my close-minded expectations when I watched it. While the show is about teenagers who gain supernatural powers in high school, it also involves the stories of other characters who are more than just stereotypes and give an insight into a different scenario. The series is slow in the beginning and moves much faster after the first two seasons. It is mostly fantasy and romance drama, including bits of horror in the later seasons. It is an incisive and heartful show. Something that stood out in the series was the friendships, the decisions they had to make, and everything that felt homely old-school.

The series quickly became my favourite after I got attached to the characters. And I find everyone who watched the show does get attached to the characters. Another favourite thing about the show was how stupid they all were. Yes, stupid and petty. But it was what made it more authentic and believable because as much credit the adults might give teenagers, they are still kids learning the way of the ways of the world and their roles in it all. And this show spoke very well for most communities included in the show.

Suits (2011-2019)

Having heard so much of this show from everyone, I know the hype was well-maintained. The first episode blew me away and everything thrown into the show was like an experience in itself. A genius hustling boy and an experienced lawyer looking for growth in his business. Being one of the first shows on law and business that I watched, I still believe that it is one of the best of its kind. The show has incredible women in power and nuances of business that can be easily recognized and appreciated. The characters are all unique, and each case that the duo learn to handle feels like a lesson that anyone can learn.

Unconventionally, I watched the Korean adaptation of the show prior to watching the original show. While all the original fans judged me for it, I liked the order I watched it in. The adaptation has the actor blowing us away from the beginning, and the show also has a different arch for the romance. Another significant thing that the series stars is the Duchess of Sussex, Megan Markle. It is an insightful perspective into the world of lawyers, corporate and hustlers. And as such, the show might always stand as a standard for its calibre.

Game of Thrones (2011-2019)

Highly spoken, the game of thrones is based on the book series of the same name. The books are written by George RR Martin and are collectively called the Song of Ice and Fire. The show had raged across the internet and popular culture for over a decade, it is completely outlandish with its authenticity and the story it brought. While the setting is similar to the world of the Inheritance Cycle written by Cristopher Paolini, this show is much more raw and mature than the latter. Fans and critics have plenty to speak of in this series, but one thing that can be mentioned is the individuality and details that were given in each scene for every character in the tale.

This show was a rebellious genre for me, having been so restricted for its nudity and age restrictions. While the show does have ample nudity and sex scenes with more than enough violence and gore, I believe it was all pieces of the puzzle which would have seemed vacant if it were all left out. The nudity in this show invoked my way of seeing human bodies aesthetically rather than something so precarious and objectified. While there are all sorts of things included in the show, from incestuous relationships to betrayals and found families, this show won over the hearts of over eight million people for a reason. A reason that can only be found by experiencing this show of a lifetime.

The Vampire Diaries (2009-2017)

This show was a sensation when screened and is still running on numerous OTT platforms. It has vampires, witches, werewolves and more. Now, while it is common for this genre to be attractive to teenagers and horror enthusiasts, it can also be watched by anyone interested in drama, romance and fantasy. The show has elements that are more than just one genre by having spanned over that many years it also had an evolution of the characters. What initially started as a horror and fantasy teenage series went on to become a fantasy show that showed incredible stories that were more.

I was sceptical while starting the show, with the books that I read being extremely taxing and disappointing. But the show was many folds better than the book ever was. It does have questionable morals in the beginning, but nearly all the characters have turned out better than the written archetype of them. The show also evolved considering the trend each year and the maturity expected of the characters as they grew up. There are innumerable opinions on the show everywhere, but to be honest it is a good watch. Numerous audios are trending that are from this show, and truly the dialogues were exceptional. There are times it gets tedious with the drama and then there are times the show exceeds expectations to leave an effect on us.

The Originals (2013-2018)

This show is a continuation of the Vampire Diaries series and starts off with the story of a complicated family. Initially antagonists in the prequel, the Mikaelson family is over centuries old and vampires that have an enthralling history. This show unpacks more of their history and the impact they have on their community, along with the head member of the family being a unique type of a vampire. The protagonist is cunning and morally questionable throughout, which is what keeps the story gripping and outlandish. There are similar family tropes in The Vampire Diaries but what makes this different is that The Originals is set in New Orleans and is NOT a high school drama.

This show was wildly different to anything that I had ever watched before, and the protagonist was an art connoisseur. He spoke of the city and his favour for painting which really put a perspective on how I perceived both. They have shown parts of history that were affected by vampires and the supernatural which makes so much sense. Though the books written by E.J Smith do have the characters, the story does not have the same trajectory. Another thing that was emphasized repeatedly is how every family is complicated but sticks through thick and thin.

How to get away with murder (2014-2020)

Having finished this show just now, I can say it was as intense as any show I have ever come across. There was plenty of violence, gore, and sex, considering it is a crime show involving law students who work for a criminal lawyer. While the show seemed very flaky on the morality of their actions throughout, in hindsight, the show makes much more sense and connects all the possible dots without any plotholes. The show ended with a lot of emotions and a full of the journey of the characters, just as a friend mentioned.

The show was a lot considering it throws us headfirst into a murder in the first scene. It had a narration style that was addictive and mind-boggling at the same time. The characters started off flimsy with bare personalities that all seemed stereotypical. But as the plot enhanced, every individual grew into people that could not have been predicted. The violence and the gore are a little outrageous, but in the end, it all fits like an intricate puzzle. The show focuses on the lives of numerous women, with the protagonist being an ambitious older woman who also has a disastrous personal life. It also showed perspectives on people of colour and queer sexualities. It inherently normalised homosexual relationships and an outlook of how closeted people function.

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ladyriot · 2 years

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Back to Comparing Maura Isles & Temperance Brennan Because I Can't Stop...

So, I kind of see both as enneagram 1s (meaning their personality is defined by the core fear of being esesentially corrupt or by having a moral fixation of sorts), but the way I see it they inhabit them completely differently. There are probably multiple enneagram-adjacent explanations, but I don't fully understand those (different instinctual stackings or something? Tritypes?). So I'm going plain old character analysis.

I've been thinking about Maura's relationship to morality this whole rewatch and I think my tentative conclusion for now is that her moral fixation is based on a deep, nearly intrinsic belief that she's bad inside. It serves as an explanation for her. It's why her birth parents didn't want her. It's why she didn't have many friends growing up. It explains why people have so much trouble connecting to her, loving her. It seeps into her decision-making at every opportunity. What's a job you can do that does good for others but doesn't put you in a position where the bad inside you can cause harm? What's the line between ethics and the law - is it okay to help someone like Ian help underserved communities even if it breaks the moral code that US law tries to impart? When can you break the rules? She has a mountain of self-doubt, much of it moral (the rest, social). And that comes to conflict in her relationship with Jane at times. Jane, for the most part, thinks herself capable of doing good even outside the law, even bending the rules. She doesn't need a guideline because she often has an internal trust. She sometimes pushes Maura to bend rules, work in the spaces between the lines of the letter of the law and the spirit of them. Which is a challenge specifically because Maura doesn't trust that the core of herself is good. She needs an external guideline. She needs something to hold herself up against to prove to herself that she's good.

Brennan's moral fixation is so very different from that because it isn't quite as deeply internal. I genuinely believe that even with the few times she tries to frame herself as an unempathetic person, she can feel her internal empathy and questions it only because she has never expressed it in a way that's read by others on the outside. I believe that she thinks of herself as mostly good inside, but instead seems to almost fear being misunderstood as immoral. I won't say that she never internally doubts herself. I distinctly remember her saying something like "I don't have your good heart" to Booth. But I think this displays an essential disconnect between how she experiences herself internally (how she feels her emotions) and how others receive them. In my opinion, she has so much doubt about being a good person because people keep not seeing her as one. She's told she's cold and unfeeling. But she doesn't see herself that way. She feels her feelings. She knows she's misunderstood. She's told she doesn't show enough care (but Angela and sometimes Booth point out that she does). She's told that she doesn't feel the right things or act the right ways and watches it hurt people. But she thinks she's good. Her doubt is just so different. It's turned inwards only in search of an explanation for that disconnect. Can I be a good person if people keep seeing me as cold, emotionless, arrogant, and hurtful? How is it that there can be such an error of translation? How can I keep doing things wrong by accident in ways that hurt people? Does some part of me want that?

Essentially, she feels like she's not doing good despite the good place she knows she's coming from, so she turns back and questions her internal positioning. Am I actually good? Are my intentions more flawed than I initially believed? It's basically the exact opposite of Maura who feels bad inside, so does all this good, in a way, to make up for it. She's sure there's bad in her, no question (no evidence). She just has to resist acting that way, not let it accidentally come out, which obviously she can't control because she can't even find a true urge to do bad in herself. Which, for someone like Maura, is terrifying because then it can only come as a surprise.

I think this is what breeds their opposite stances on psychology. Maura is fascinated with the field, apparently has some formal training in forensic psychiatry, and seems to have a particular interest in abnormal psych. She's trying to find what's wrong in her. Honestly, it's almost unrealistic for a character like Maura to not have looked into things like cptsd and autism and questioned those things for herself (not that they're wrong at all, just that they would explain her feeling of incongruity with the way she sees herself versus how she's treated, her essential doubt). Brennan, on the other hand, isn't trying to explain something that feels off for her. In a lot of ways, she likes herself. She sees her value. Her insecurity comes from other people not understanding her. She's terrified of being misconstrued as a bad person. It makes so much sense for her to be against psychology... a field that might find something "wrong" with her to confirm everyone else's misreadings of her (with no evidence). For her to be told there's a reason for her to be read so wrong wouldn't be an immediate comfort, though it might grow into one. It would force her to confront something she doesn't want to see. She just wants to be seen as true to who she is.

In summary, I think that Maura comes in with this belief that she's bad and immoral at heart and is constantly trying to make up for it, seeing some disparity as she's treated as essentially good and wanting answers or explanations through psychology. Temperance does not believe herself immoral, but believes herself essentially good, so when she's read as cold or a bad person, that's where she finds disconnect. Her dislike of psychology allows her to avoid looking that in the face, allows her to maintain her image of herself by not making her question what's inside.

I wanna bring in like 80 gifs and references, but that would take forever, so take this as a preliminary post. Complex characters are endlessly fascinating.

#i'm gonna compare and contrast them forever because i love both of these characters an insane amount #probably because i'm lowkey a maura that gets misread as a brennan which reinforces the brennan fear in me and makes it more true #rizzoli and isles #maura isles #temperance brennan #bones tv

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gildinbainas · 6 months

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❋

if you thought i'd not jump at this opportunity YOU'RE WRONG

Our muses’ are drunk and making bad decisions leave a ❋ in my askbox for our muses’ to share a stupid, drunken kiss

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ || @crowiley

It was a rarity though not uncommon for the angel to find himself sipping glasses of wine. That part wasn't rare at all. What WAS rare was the indulging in multiple glasses --- as he had learned once before that he didn't quite like the feeling it gave him. That feeling was a sort of euphoria that left him with little control of his actions. Quite frankly it was terribly frightening not knowing only to come to with little to no recollection.

Of course, it was becoming a lot easier to relax around Crowley and that too was a bit frightening. As one who prided himself on not giving into EVERY whim he had at the drop of a dime, it seemed so out of character for the angel to simply indulge. That isn't to say he disliked the idea of indulging in things that potentially gave him pleasure. On the contrary, he liked it very much. But his penchant for thinking too much often kept him in check as it were.

Except for tonight when delicious fruit tarts were washed down exquisitely with glasses of sweet red. He'd only had two. Maybe two and a half. But they were tall glasses --- the skinny, champagne kind that didn't LOOK like they held a lot. But the angel liked sweet things --- the sweeter the better. And good food? Pfft that much was too obvious. And so how does one go from picking the fruit off of a ripe tart to snogging the best friend?

Had to be the wine. Because there's just no way it would have happened otherwise. He couldn't imagine snogging as a past time that Crowley enjoyed although one could argue he'd never seen Crowley snogging so… was it truly fair to make the assumption? As for the angel… well, he wasn't one for going around smushing his lips against someone else either. At best, he might have self inserted himself into a Jane Austen novel, imagining himself as some self righteous but curious young maiden pretending to dislike the advances of some older, mysterious man. Eventually the protagonist would share in a bit of a smooch but always one that left the angel dabbing his eyes.

Ah, young love.

But this was no Jane Austen novel. They were not two young adults on the brink of self discovery. They were a pair of ancient, other worldly beings who, simply put, should know better.

And maybe he wouldn't have felt so ominous about it had it not happened twice. Oh, no. The initial action came complete with a set of impromptu giggles --- likely an awkward, knee-jerk reaction to off set how REALLY awkward it was at first. But then it happened again. Faces remained close… glossy eyes were locked and loaded and then… it happened again.

Lips met with a fury ( as if the first time wasn't enough ) and it felt…

It felt like starving. But finally receiving a bit of food that you couldn't help but scarf down quickly just in case someone was out to steal it. Or maybe more akin to being thirsty and getting the first drop of sweet salvation that may have very well saved your life. Kissing was NOT going to save any lives, but he could describe it no other way. His lips, after some initial shock wore off, matched the demon's fury though he was likely the first to break the kiss.

Because THINGS were happening. Things he didn't understand. Goosebumps that he only ever felt by eating something good or hearing good music. There was a chill. A feeling in the pit of his stomach. A swirling sensation that, at first, had him wondering if he was sick. But it wasn't a BAD feeling. More like…a heightened feeling; a 'what can i do to keep it there', but also knowing deep down it was something so irrevocably taboo that it was best not to follow that train of thinking.

And so the kiss was broken leaving them with quite the suffocating silence. Aziraphale looked down into his wine glass and after a moment he downed the last of it. There. No more. And with that---

"I think I might go dust the shelves."

Because the follow up to THAT moment was probably best swept under the rug. He was sure they'd carry on like always and tomorrow? Well, it would be like it never happened at all.

#crowiley #﹂ ʾ . ⭒ ❝ a rose by any other name would smell as sweet — answered .#﹂ ʾ . ⭒ ❝ the angel — in character .

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disneymbti · 1 year

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Princess Eilonwy x Alexander x Jane Darling from The Black Cauldron, Pinocchio 1940 and Peter Pan 2 : Return to Neverland ?

Hi there, sweetie! I really hope you like this a lot!

Jane Darling's MBTI Type, Big Three and Enneagram Type

MBTI Type: ISTJ [The Logistician]

Introverted ISTJ types process the world internally. They tend to feel drained after social events and need time alone to recharge.

Highly pragmatic, they tend to focus more on the details, rather than the bigger picture. They make decisions based on what they see and know right now.

Investigators prioritize logical thinking and are more concerned with facts than emotion. They believe the truth is more important than people’s feelings.

They are very structured and organized, preferring to plan ahead and follow rules and processes. They are disciplined and have a strong work ethic.

Big Three: Virgo Sun, Capricorn Moon and Virgo Rising

Virgo Sun: Governed by communication planet Mercury, Virgos are the thinkers of the zodiac. Virgos process information with diligence and use facts to solve problems.

Capricorn Moon: The Capricorn Moon is reflective and contemplative, working to build a better foundation with those they care about.

Virgo Rising: Virgo ascendants are the fact-finders and checkers of the zodiac. They are fair-minded and slow to anger.

Enneagram Type: 5w6 [The Troubleshooter]

Basic Fear: Five wing sixes fear being useless or incapable. They seek to improve the world around them in order to feel worthy.

Basic Desire: Their basic desire is to be competent and useful. They usually show this by picking up new skills and pieces of knowledge that can be of benefit.

Troubleshooters may withdraw from others to cope with stressful situations, which can tend to make them feel lonely.

Princess Eilonwy's MBTI Type, Big Three and Enneagram Type

MBTI Type: ENFJ [The Protagonist]

ENFJs are high-energy people who dislike spending too much time alone. They take initiative and tend to talk more than they listen.

They usually trust their intuition and focus on the future. They are good at analyzing complex ideas.

Protagonists are motivated by feelings and values. They work to avoid conflict and are very diplomatic.

They like to make lists and schedules, preferring to follow a plan. They are hard-working and responsible.

Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon and Gemini Rising

Capricorn Sun: Capricorn is ruled by authoritative Saturn, which is why they tend to work hard toward advancing themselves in earthly matters.

Cancer Moon: The emotions of Cancer Moons have no limits, restraints, or depths. This is a cosmic placement that often leads to sweetness, kindness, emotional awareness and responsibility.

Gemini Rising: Gemini risings are quick-witted and fast communicators, always looking for unique ways to express themselves.

Enneagram Type: 2w1 [The Companion]

Basic Fear: Enneagram type two-wing-ones fear being unwanted by those they love. They tend to take on a caretaker role to serve others and avoid feelings of insecurity.

Basic Desire: They desire love and acceptance above all else. They are service-oriented and humble, seeking to help better the lives of those in their community.

Companions tend to stifle and repress their negative emotions and personal desires. They may feel internally conflicted as they work to meet everyone else’s needs but their own.

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the-rewatch-rewind · 10 months

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Happy Christmas in July!

Transcript below the break.

Hello and welcome back to the Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today I will be celebrating Christmas in July by discussing number 18 on my list: Liberty Films and RKO’s 1946 holiday classic It’s a Wonderful Life, directed by Frank Capra, written by Frances Goodrich, Albert Hackett, Frank Capra, and Jo Swerling, based on a story by Philip Van Doren Stern, and starring James Stewart and Donna Reed.

George Bailey (James Stewart) has always had big dreams of traveling and building things, but instead he’s stuck in his small hometown of Bedford Falls, New York, managing the family building and loan business. When his absent-minded Uncle Billy (Thomas Mitchell) misplaces $8,000 of company money, George feels that he is worth more dead than alive and plans to end his life on Christmas Eve, when he is stopped by Clarence Oddbody, Angel 2nd Class (Henry Travers) who has been sent from heaven to save him. George tells Clarence he wishes he’d never been born, so Clarence shows George what the town would be like without him.

As I’ve mentioned before, my family didn’t have a VCR in the ’90s, but we did sometimes watch movies together when they came on TV, so we caught It’s a Wonderful Life pretty much every year. I don’t know exactly how old I was when I first watched it, but I do remember being confused that it was in black and white. Once we finally got a VCR, we taped it one year so we could watch it whenever we wanted, and then eventually we got it on DVD. At some point we decided that it made a good Thanksgiving movie in addition to a Christmas one, since it’s about being grateful for what you have, so I tended to watch it once or twice a year for a while. I’d probably seen it about 10 times before I started keeping track, and then I saw it once in 2003, once in 2004, twice in 2005, once in 2006, three times in 2008, twice in each year from 2009 through 2012, and then once each in 2013 and 2014, and then once in each year from 2020 through 2022. I don’t remember exactly why I took such a long break after 2014, and I think it was probably a combination of factors, but I do remember reading an article probably around then arguing that Bedford Falls actually would have been more fun without George and that he should have gone to jail anyway that kind of ruined the movie for me a bit. While I recognize that there are legitimate criticisms to be made of the story and message and other details (such as the nonsensical decision to make AS2 the abbreviation for Angel Second Class), for me, the good definitely outweighs the questionable.

For one thing, the acting is superb. Everybody’s at the top of their game, with character actors such as Ward Bond, Frank Faylen, and Beulah Bondi doing some of their best work, and some very impressive child acting, particularly from Bobbie Anderson and Karolyn Grimes. Thomas Mitchell knows exactly when to play Uncle Billy’s memory issues for comic relief and when to reveal how devastating they can be. Henry Travers similarly gives the audience a perfect balance of chuckles and tears. Frequent femme fatale Gloria Grahame makes the initially shallow Violet Bick surprisingly sympathetic. The character of Mary Hatch Bailey is also deceptively simple on the surface, but Donna Reed brings her to life with so much warmth and depth and complexity that it takes several rewatches to fully appreciate her. Lionel Barrymore perfectly embodies the evils of capitalist corruption as Potter, in one of the most diabolical villain performances of all time. And then there’s James Stewart. My man Jimmy. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t had an opportunity to talk about him on this podcast before now, since he’s definitely one of my faves. His performance as George Bailey is SO. GOOD! Just thinking about it gives me chills. We see George go from a young man full of hopes and dreams to a frustrated, drained, broken middle aged man at the end of his rope, to a man trying to make sense of the reality of his non-existence who ultimately learns that he’s a better and more important person than he thought he was. It’s a major emotional roller coaster, and Jimmy Stewart absolutely nails every moment of the ride. It’s rare for a Hollywood film to let a male protagonist get anywhere near as emotionally raw and vulnerable as George Bailey is at several points throughout this film, but Stewart was clearly not afraid to cry on screen, and it’s beautiful to watch.

The sets and visual effects are also beautiful and noteworthy. Falling snow on film used to be created with cornflakes painted white, but a new snow effect using fire extinguisher foam mixed with soap and water was developed for It’s a Wonderful Life. Using this allowed the sound to be recorded live, which had been impossible with crunchy cornflakes, and I feel like it enhanced the performances to not have to record the dialogue separately. The Bedford Falls set was one of the longest sets that had ever been made for an American movie, and the streets and buildings do an excellent job of bringing the audience into the town. Apparently three different cinematographers worked on this movie (they kept getting fired due to disagreements with the director), but the look and feel of the film is remarkably consistent and unique. Plenty of movies set in small towns were made during this era, but somehow none of them feel quite like this one. That could just be my own nostalgia, since this was the first one I saw, but there’s just something about Bedford Falls that sets it apart from other movie settings, and that’s a big part of what I love about this movie. The sets and the lighting and the performances are so engrossing that no matter how many times I rewatch it, I still feel like I’m part of the town, and like I’m interacting with the characters, in a fresh and unique way.

It's interesting that I’m talking about two 1946 movies in a row because I think that, like Notorious, It’s a Wonderful Life could really only have been made that year. James Stewart had left Hollywood to fight in World War II and was considering giving up acting for good when Frank Capra asked him to star in this film. Capra had spent the war making documentaries and propaganda films, and this was also his first post-war movie. Now, I’ve never fought in a war, and my parents are baby boomers so I definitely wasn’t around for World War II, but it stands to reason that their wartime experiences significantly impacted the people involved in making this film and were still fresh on their minds. Stewart apparently said that his PTSD and depression from the war helped him relate to George Bailey, and that acting out George’s anger and frustrations was cathartic for him. The US was also at its most anti-fascist at this time, as James and I briefly discussed last week, which I assume is what allowed this movie to be so blatantly anti-capitalist. Building and Loan associations don’t really exist anymore, but based on my understanding of the Bailey business from this movie, they seem kind of like mutual aid mortgages. Because George holds onto this institution, the people of Bedford Falls are able to afford to buy decent homes for themselves. The alternative that Potter wants is everyone paying him exorbitant rent. By capitalist standards, George is a failure, and was incredibly foolish for turning down Potter’s lucrative job offer in the middle of the movie. But the film portrays him as a hero precisely because he values people over money. When he’s at the end of his rope, Potter has the power to save him (especially because he’s the one who has the cash that Uncle Billy lost) but he refuses; it’s George’s friends and family who rally around to help him. And that sounds like something that would have been considered dangerously close to socialism in the McCarthy era. The Hollywood blacklist started in 1947, so I feel like It’s a Wonderful Life couldn’t have been made even a year later than it was without significant modifications.

One of the main focuses of the story is the romance between George and Mary, but I feel like even that is used as a demonstration of the shortcomings of our capitalist society. They are clearly drawn to each other, but George initially tries to pretend otherwise, in large part because he doesn’t feel good enough for her. She has a college education; he does not. Their wealthy friend, Sam Wainwright, is interested in Mary, and George feels like she would be better off with Sam, even though all she wants is George. They spend all their honeymoon money on supporting Building and Loan clients during a bank run, at Mary’s suggestion, but George later regrets that he couldn’t afford to provide for both his clients and his wife. Mary is perfectly happy with their life, but George feels like a failure by society’s standards and can’t see anything else, so he needs Clarence’s reality check to show him that he has always been enough for her. If George wasn’t constantly being bombarded with the message that he should be making more money, that he should have been able to leave Bedford Falls and make something more of himself, that he should be able to buy his wife and children extravagant things, maybe he could have been happy without divine intervention.

But also we need to talk about what happens to Mary in the alternate reality when George doesn’t exist because I have some very mixed thoughts about that. Earlier, right after George turned down Potter’s offer, he asked Mary why she married a guy like him and she replied, “To keep from being an old maid.” So when George doesn’t exist, she is an old maid. I remember as a teenager who didn’t know that being aroace was a thing and didn’t want to examine why I only ever had “crushes” on celebrities who were already dead, thinking that Mary’s attitude made perfect sense: if you can’t marry Jimmy Stewart, why get married at all? The part that has always confused me is when George begs Clarence to tell him where Mary is, and Clarence says, “You’re not going to like it, George.” Wouldn’t he like it less if she had married someone else? Isn’t it good that she’s consistent with her assertions that he’s the only man for her? I like to think that Mary is on the aromantic spectrum, and feels romantic attraction so rarely that if she hadn’t met George she would never have felt it at all, but even I have to admit that the movie isn’t really trying to say that. It seems to be implying that Mary ending up a librarian with no husband is the worst possible fate for her, which is an infuriatingly amatonormative attitude for a story that otherwise encourages resistance to societal pressures. But overall, I give George and Mary’s romance a pass, because I do think they have a fascinating dynamic, and also because the movie focuses a lot on community and other non-romantic relationships too.

There’s a lot of emphasis on family relationships, and the brotherly bond between George and Harry that is slightly tinged with envy is particularly well done. Harry gets a lot of opportunities that George wants, but George chooses to be happy for and supportive of him rather than resenting him too much. And Harry’s toast at the end – “To my big brother, George, the richest man in town” – is one of the moments guaranteed to make me cry every time. When George is young, he kind of looks down on his father, but finally starts to appreciate him shortly before his death, although not quite enough to understand that it’s good that he follows in his father’s footsteps. His relationship with his mother is very sweet, and the part when she doesn’t recognize him is perhaps the most devastating moment in the movie. I really wish we got to see George interact with his children a bit more; we mostly see them when he’s taking out his work frustrations on them, which doesn’t seem like a typical interaction. His scene with Zuzu and the flower is adorable though. And then there are all the friendships. I don’t know if the Sesame Street characters were named after them, but Bert the cop and Ernie the cab driver have a fun relationship with each other and with George, and I appreciate that we get glimpses of how miserable they both are in the alternate reality. Violet is another interesting character, and at some points it almost seems like she’s being set up as a romantic rival for Mary, but she and George remain a rare good example of male/female friendship. And there are so many other great interactions between the townspeople; it feels like a real community. And it is that community of friends and acquaintances that come together at the end to help George and show him that he’s not alone, and that he has made a positive difference in all their lives. Granted, it’s very clear that Mary is the most important person to him, so the movie does reinforce the relationship hierarchy established by amatonormativity, but at the end, what does Clarence write in the book? “No man is a failure who has friends.”

I want to talk a little bit about representation in this film. There is only one black character, Annie, played by Lillian Randolph, who is, predictably, a maid, and while she is a pretty awesome character, she’s not in very much of the movie, and all the other characters are white. Disappointing, but not surprising for a 1940s Hollywood film. Similarly, while we get a few fabulous female characters, there are a lot more men than women. However, I feel like this movie has better disability representation than the average 2020s movie. It’s a Wonderful Life shows that it’s not that hard to incorporate an actor’s disability into a movie without it being the main focus of the story or the character. They really said, “You use a wheelchair? Awesome, your character uses a wheelchair now.” Of course, they were probably willing to provide more accommodations for the legendary Lionel Barrymore than they would have for an unknown disabled actor, but even he had been replaced in the 1938 film version of A Christmas Carol, in which he’d been slated to play Scrooge, because he couldn’t walk anymore. So I really like that It’s a Wonderful Life showed how effectively he could play a Scrooge-like character without walking.

I also really appreciate that It’s a Wonderful Life is very similar to A Christmas Carol, but kind of flipped. A Christmas Carol motivates the wealthy miser to change his behavior by showing him how happy people would be without him; It’s a Wonderful Life motivates the poor man to change his self-perception by showing him how unhappy people would be without him. A Christmas Carol’s message is that nobody is beyond redemption, which I do believe, but It’s a Wonderful Life responds with, “Let’s be realistic: the extremely rich aren’t going to change their ways; we need to do what we can to limit their power.” Which is a message that, if anything, has only gotten more relevant in the last 77 years. Most of my top 40 movies are fun, silly, entertainment that I use to escape the harshness of reality, but while this movie does have some fun moments, it’s less of an escape and more of a reflection of that harshness. I watch movies like Emperor’s New Groove and Mamma Mia and Bringing Up Baby and Ella Enchanted when I need to laugh; I watch It’s a Wonderful Life when I need to cry. Sometimes I have trouble regulating or understanding my feelings, and a big part of what I love about movies is the way they let us experience deep emotions in a relatively safe and controlled environment. It’s a Wonderful Life has been scorned by some film critics as overly sentimental, and perhaps it is, but I guess I don’t see anything wrong with being overly sentimental every once in a while. Sometimes you just need to feel feelings.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched movies. Next up is the shortest in a 4-way tie of movies I watched 22 times in the last 20 years, which is another one that I had seen many times before I started keeping track. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “This is yet another example of the late neoclassic Baroque period. And, as I always say, ‘If it’s not Baroque, don’t fix it!’”

#it's a wonderful life #james stewart #donna reed #lionel barrymore #frank capra #the rewatch rewind #finally caught up on posting these!#sorry i got behind

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lttleghost · 2 years

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The Thematic Relevance of Jesse as an Egg

(no significance to this picture I just think he's pretty here)

This headcanon is one that I have become increasingly passionate about as I have rewatched Breaking Bad, the more I think about it the more I feel that this headcanon is the most supported version of Jesse being trans based on direct observations of canon. It is primarily based on parallels, and largely focuses on "what if Jesse realizes he's not a cis guy like he thought parallel to realizing he's not cut out to be the criminal he thought he was?" also I will be pointing out how Jesse's initial sense of self, or who he tries to be, is disconnected from who he actually is and how that also works very well as support for Jesse realizing he's trans during the story

in Breaking Bad there is a common pattern of characters being introduced in a way where their first impression is at least somewhat different from the character that we come to know. While I myself liked Jesse from the very start, I wasn't quite expecting just how much of a kind, empathetic and conflicted young adult he ended up showing himself as. Each character whose initial introduction contrasts who they end up being generally has some aspect of themselves believing the mask that they put up to others, but I think Jesse has a particularly strong disconnect between who he thinks he is, who he thinks he should be, and who he really is.

I think my most solid example of this has to do with Jesse's superhero characters-

furthermore when Jane leaves to check the door, you see Jesse looking at his drawings and he seems to be considering something, and I think it's likely that he is further considering the idea that he was in fact drawing himself

NEW UPDATED POST, PLEASE READ THIS ONE INSTEAD: https://lttleghost.tumblr.com/post/701123507095027712/i-wrote-this-analysis-awhile-back-and-wanted-to

I do believe that Jesse's superhero drawings were either 'sonas' of himself - whether or not he made the conscious decision to draw them that way. I think this because his response to Jane mentioning they all looked like him, and after initially denying it, was "like you've never wanted a superpower," which felt to me like an admission that he has wanted a superpower, and that his drawings might've been a manifestation of this

and I think it's interesting because currently Jesse is a criminal right? and while superheroes are as well, I feel most people would categorize them as a different type of criminal than Jesse is; but in any case he's got all of these drawings of what seems to be himself as a superhero, while in the present he is simply a criminal, and not the vigilante type that a superhero is. and considering he used the exact words "fight crime" when describing what his superhero characters do, it might show that inherently he wants to do something good

I think a large part of why Jesse ended up as a criminal is it was likely the only thing he thought he could successfully do for a decent living, since he has no support from his parents, or anyone outside of the drug trade. Not only that, but he's aggressively ADHD coded. the combination of having so little support, battling addiction, and having undiagnosed ADHD would make slogging through any job he seemed to have access to, or would be encouraged to do, a complete nightmare. So I feel like much of him falling into the drug trade was because it was something he could reasonably achieve and live off of, as well as it becoming something Jesse, an artist, has some enjoyment doing as he stated that "cooking is art." Another factor could be that there’s a sort of rebelliousness stemming from how normal society failed him. but I think that to deal with the more harsh aspects of that life, even before Walt re-entered his life and made everything increasingly worse, Jesse had to play into a specific role, a criminal, and convince himself that that was who he really was so that he could survive

I'm also curious as to when Jesse started making meth because he said he drew his superhero pictures four years ago, specifically phrasing it as "I was a kid when I drew these it was like... four years ago", and he's twenty four in that scene, meaning he would've been twenty when he drew them. I think it would've been even more interesting if he had just started making meth around that point and if his drawings were almost a subconscious vent about how he wishes he was sort of doing something different, something still rebellious in some way maybe but also something that directly helps others since Jesse's care and empathy surfaces time and time again throughout the show even when he tries to hide it, but that's more speculation on my part

so relating this all to gender: while in reality masculinity and being a man isn't intrinsically tied to criminality at all, Breaking Bad does tie them together in some ways, and though it is specifically toxic masculinity it's still reasonable to parallel Jesse not fitting in with the criminal world with him not being entirely a man, if he ends up having any connection to being one at all. Other than Jesse having dissonance in terms of his identity and how it becomes more and more apparent throughout the series that being the type of criminal that he is doesn't suit him well, looking back, even at the start of the show his attempts to act in this hyper-masculine way that is more or less the norm in the drug trade comes off as really fake for the most part. Even in episode one when he's talking to Krazy 8, who mentions that Emilio thinks that Jesse might've ratted him out, while Jesse responding with “that's bullshit” sounds genuine, when he goes to say "I should kick his (Emilio's) punk ass for even thinking that" I not only personally think his tone of voice sounds like fake bravado, I also believe that there is no way Jesse actually thinks that he can take on Emilio, considering Jesse has a body type that resembles a lil twig and I seriously doubt he has such little self awareness that he wouldn't consider that.

I also think Jesse's romantic relationships are telling in his separation from other characters in terms of toxic masculinity. While in episode two Jesse does throw the insult "great job at wearing the pants in the family" at Walt in regards to Skyler coming and confronting Jesse, when it comes to his actual actions in a relationship he doesn't show any need to be in control over his partner. In another area regarding relationships there is a scene having to do with Jesse and Jane that I think separates Jesse from the typical idea of toxic masculinity even more - when Jesse asks Jane why she didn't really introduce him to her dad, which evolves into discussing their relationship in which Jane suggests that they're just sleeping together where Jesse clearly was under the impression that they were dating, it places Jesse into a role that is stereotypically assigned to women or female characters in media, and I think that in the case of Breaking Bad, that can be seen as significant

and tying all of those things together forms a solid base for it being thematically relevant and fitting for Jesse to realize he's trans at some point as the story progresses. Jesse discovers his gender identity as he is learning and discovering other parts of his general identity as a whole. I don't have any true "proof" for this headcanon, as Jesse was not written to be lgbt+ and this headcanon is drawn from parallels that weren't intended, but those parallels can still be observed regardless and are relevant to Jesse's character arc as well as not bringing up any conflicts or questions with canon material that we are given

I also have my own ideas of the progression of Jesse discovering his identity as a trans person when he questions and represses his gender more and more. this will be told through the lens of my specific interpretation for Jesse, where he's a gender nonconforming transfem person (even before I started to consider that he could be trans I always found him to be "inexplicably feminine") who doesn't medically transition. I think he is a butch lesbian personally as while his connection to "manhood" is nothing but negative, he seems to have some expressions of masculinity that are fine with him, and approaching them as a transfem lesbian would cross into those few aspects of masculinity feeling comfortable again, but since I believe any identity where Jesse realizes he's trans during canon can equally be supported by this analysis, I feel some events could be altered to fit any identity that falls under that category

I don't think Jesse had many notable Gender (™) experiences other than just generally feeling a little out of place, though maybe he couldn't identify how he felt out of place since a lot of things could have contributed to it. Maybe he could've been interested in "girls’ stuff" as a lil kid but with his parents being the shitty type of people that just seem to want a "normal" child, I imagine they discouraged it. I can also see Jesse at some point when he's older screwing around with his friends and putting a dress on and saying something out loud along the lines of "haha I look like such a queer don't I" but internally thinking "I will die before I tell anyone how this is making me feel"

but in the show, up until he's in a relationship with Jane, I think he had fully convinced himself that he is a cis man, but after meeting Jane and starting to date her, I can see how she might have started to introduce him to more gender-related stuff. I do believe Jane is bi and maybe trans, I don't have any solid evidence for my hcs relating to Jane, except for maybe her approach to relationships feels very not straight, as does her fashion sense. If you want to interpret her as trans I think her gender identity could reasonably be within a wider range than Jesse, I personally think her appearance is what she prefers as far as presentation, but it doesn't put any limits on her identity, she could be transfem or gnc transmasc or transneutral, I think there's at least something reasonable to interpret her as any of those things.

In any case, I can picture Jesse mentioning to her something about how he sometimes wishes he wasn't a man, but that he doesn't want to change anything about himself physically or anything so he thinks he is stuck as one, and I can see Jane sort of trying to nudge him in the direction of "the only thing you need to not be a man is to feel like you aren't one" which in all honesty at first I don't think Jesse would be all that receptive of, he still is in deep with the drug trade and it… isn't particularly lgbt friendly and Jesse might subconsciously recognize some danger in realizing he's trans, even if he could opt out of telling people that he is. But as he and Jane continue to get close I think that around her specifically he gets more comfortable questioning and talking about his identity at least to a small extent

but when she dies I think Jesse just goes into total repression mode, more so than ever. as he falls into the persona of "the bad guy" he also dips back into that hyper-masculine behaviour that is so prominent in the drug trade, which also coincides with him seemingly acting more selfish for awhile during large sections of season three (at least until he meets Andrea) because he lost someone so important to him; and, whether or not we're including the headcanon that Jesse was starting to realize he was trans, Jane was still the only person Jesse ever seemed to fully open up to, or at least open up to more than he does with anyone else, so it makes sense that losing that would cause him to close up, even to himself

then after meeting Andrea and everything that follows, I imagine that Jesse drops the full on repression of his gender identity but also isn't trying to actively consider it because there is simply too much going on in his life that is way more of a priority. I sometimes think that maybe he might've told Mike, and while I think Mike himself wouldn't respond negatively from a personal end, I do think he'd probably tell Jesse to please not share that with anyone else, which would technically be good advice but would still likely be discouraging to Jesse

I'd say that Jesse eventually fully figures his gender out is once he is safe after all of the canon events of BrBa, and I like to think about how he'll find a lot of comfort and healing in no longer having to try to be a man, because now he knows he isn't one.

#breaking bad analysis #brba analysis #breaking bad #jesse pinkman #jesse breaking bad #jesse brba #brba #transgender #transgender jesse pinkman #im not used to writing long ass analysis posts like this sorry if anything is like off #this is my girlfriend don't touch him #meat.txt

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writerofblocks · 1 year

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ANGST BE UPON YOU. Boss meme: IV - Troy, 8, 10, 15, 16

Bridget my beloved [meme here]

IV. What is or was your Boss's relationship with Troy like? (Thank you, Melissa)

They initially butt heads in SR1, but Bridget’s still grateful for Troy saving her ass from getting shot, so it eventually develops into friendship. Then a romantic relationship gets sparked, despite Troy knowing that once the Saints are done with taking over Stilwater he’ll have to arrest her. This causes a rift when Bridget wakes up in SR2 (along with, y’know, the whole gang leader thing), with Bridget feeling like he strung her along. And on Troy’s end, Bridget’s increased sadism and sociopathy horrifies him. But by the end of SR2 and the break between SR2 and SR3, they’re both too tired to pretend they completely hate the other. For better or for worse, they’re the only people who understand the situation they’ve trapped themselves in, and the only people they can turn to for comfort on that front. They can’t put things back together the way things were, but maybe they can make something of the rubble.

8. Do they have other sexual or romantic connections?

Depends on the universe! I like to throw Bridget into everything, to be honest.

- In some universes, Bridget gets together with Johnny Gat instead. Or possibly both him and Troy 👀

@nocciolinafelice’s Dahlia Morelle

@vicekings’s Brynden Stark

@autumnyte's Alair Cabrera

…Subway Boss Ingo from Pokemon Black/White. (Brainrot from Pokemon Legends: Arceus got me. Send help. They have kids now.)

10. How has your Boss changed throughout the games/years?

She’s mellowed out considerably since her SR1/SR2 days. Therapy helped considerably, along with actually being diagnosed with/receiving medication for ADHD. She knows it undermines her authority as the Boss, but the truth is, she’s tired. She’s made so many bad mistakes, so many choices made in anger. It’s why she’s a lot… calmer’s not the right word in SR3 and beyond, but less feral and sadistic and more thinking about the consequences.

15. Are there any small things about them in the canon that you've really run with in your headcanon?

The Boss’s love of Jane Austen ended up multiplying into new headcanons. Bridget’s favorite book is Pride and Prejudice (though she rarely admits it), and she actually has a BA in English from Stilwater U (it’s up to you whether that really counts as an education, given the college’s, uh, distinct lack of accreditation.

Also the fact that she’s a fucking lightweight. Never fails to make me laugh.

16. Is there anything from the games you've drastically avoided or downplayed in your headcanon?

Johnny’s disappearing tats, for one. Give him his tats, you cowards.

Also in my main timeline I avoid the whole World Blowing Up thing. On the one hand, avenging the earth does give the crew a driving force. On the other hand, I like my earth not blown to shit. It’s always felt like a product of the rushed writing to me, that they needed a reason why most of the old saints couldn’t help/be in the game. Plus the idea of pissing off Zinyak by ruining his shit while going “I’m still in the Simulation, I didn’t violate your ‘don’t leave or I’ll blow up the earth’ ultimatum, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching yooouuu” is hilarious to me.

Also I have ignored Volition’s collective decision to ignore Troy’s existence and he is integrated into Bridget’s canon more closely.

#oc: Bridget summers #saints row #ask memes #edit: I almost forgot the OG Alair im so sorry

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prettyangie2 · 5 months

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Sparkling Pathways: Nurturing the Entrepreneurial Mind and Embracing Endless Possibilities

By: Angelika Jane Mejos

12/10/2023

In the realm of education, there are subjects that leave a profound impact on us, shaping our perspectives and contributing to our personal growth. One such subject for me has been the Entrepreneurial Mind. This subject has not only broadened my horizons but also instilled in me a sense of confidence and self-belief.

The first thing I learned in this subject was the importance of having an entrepreneurial mindset. This mindset is not just about starting a business, but it's about thinking creatively, being innovative, and taking calculated risks. It's about seeing opportunities where others see obstacles. Even though my major is in Secondary Education with a focus on English, this subject has been instrumental in my personal growth.

Our advisor, Mr. Reymark Angelio Menguito, played a significant role in this journey. His understanding nature and vast knowledge made the learning process enjoyable and enlightening. His guidance helped us navigate through the complexities of the subject with ease. I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to him for his unwavering support and encouragement.

My experience in this subject would not have been complete without my groupmates. Working together on various activities, we learned the importance of teamwork and collaboration. We shared ideas, learned from each other's experiences, and supported each other through challenges. I am grateful for their companionship and contribution to my learning journey.

How did the Entrepreneurial Mind subject contribute to my personal growth, despite my major being in Secondary Education?

Even though my major is in Secondary Education, the Entrepreneurial Mind subject has contributed significantly to my personal growth in several ways.

Firstly, it has broadened my perspective. It taught me to look at situations from different angles, to see opportunities where others see challenges. This mindset is not only beneficial in business but also in everyday life. It encourages problem-solving and innovative thinking, which are valuable skills in any field.

Secondly, it has instilled in me a sense of self-confidence and independence. Through various activities and projects, I learned to take initiative, make decisions, and take responsibility for those decisions. This has boosted my confidence and made me more self-reliant.

Thirdly, it has enhanced my communication and teamwork skills. Working with my groupmates on various activities, I learned to effectively communicate my ideas and listen to others. This has improved my interpersonal skills and made me a better team player.

Lastly, it has taught me the importance of resilience and adaptability. In the entrepreneurial world, things don't always go as planned. Learning to adapt to changes and bounce back from failures is a crucial lesson that I can apply in all areas of my life.

The Entrepreneurial Mind subject has been a transformative experience for me. It has equipped me with valuable skills and knowledge that I can apply in my personal and professional life. It has taught me to be resilient, to embrace change, and to always strive for excellence. I am excited to carry these learnings forward and apply them in my future endeavors.

#reflection #entrepreneur #education #technology #science #business

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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

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“Harry’s stylist, right?”

Summary: Harry and his personal stylist are great collaborators, on screen and off. She helps his visions come to life and in turn they’ve become close friends. As she helps him to bring his fashion dreams come to life during the Fine Line era, will some other dreams come to life as well?

Harry and his stylist go from colleagues to friends to lovers because they’ve been in love with each other from the jump

this fit is very important to this part lmaooo - I literally have no idea what to call this lol, anyway I've been sitting on this for forever and I wanted to get something out for yall and i love this story there will be a part 2 when i get to a writing mood. I love this story bc its my literal dream - anyway!! pls enjoy and reblog and lmk what you think :)

Word Count: 14k | Warnings: swearing, drinking, tame for now, should be smut eventually - aka slow burn (what else would you expect from me at this point i guess)

part 2

“Hey, H, I just had a question about one of the SNL outfits? Do you have a sec?”

Harry looked up from his phone and raised his brows at his stylist, Y/N.

Y/N had worked with Harry previously. In photoshoots for Another Man magazine and his most recent Gucci campaign. As well as some other random times, such as one-off award show looks and specific appearances. However, this past summer Harry had hired Y/N to work fulltime for him, exclusively. He had told her that he was planning on releasing his second album in the winter and he wanted someone there to help him plan his clothes for music videos, award season, interview appearances, as well as tour outfits.

Y/N stood just inside the doorway of the room, leaning her back against the wall, looking expectantly at him. Her eyes were wide and her lips were pursed. She was dressed simply in a white satin skirt and a matching cropped button-up, they both had cream flowers embroidered on, paired with horsebit slim Gucci mules. Her style was eclectic, but she had definitely noticed an increase of Gucci in her wardrobe since starting her employment with Harry.

Y/N’s passion in life was fashion and clothes and she constantly worried that one of Harry’s outfits wouldn’t deliver as much as she wanted it to. He was quick to tell her not to worry so much though, as long as they both were happy with it, how could anyone else not love it. Plus, he’d always add, it didn’t really matter what anyone else thought. But as more and more events began to crop up, Y/N’s worry over her work grew. She had only been the head stylist for Harry on projects that were still underwraps - except for Lights Up which had been released a couple weeks ago now.

The first project she ever worked on with Harry as his full-time personal stylist was the Lights Up music video. She had never worked so closely with one person for so long on just one project. Harry was insistent in vision and came in the first day filled with ideas, what he imagined for the video's concept and how he wanted to incorporate clothes. She had been happy to make his dreams become reality.

The two of them spent hours at his house for weeks, pouring over every detail of every outfit he planned to wear. They both wanted it to be perfect. And eventually, it all came together, exactly how they had planned. All of the garments for the video took up two entire garment racks. Y/N had made Harry pose in every single outfit for polaroids that she dated and then put into a lookbook she started for him. She had told him she planned to document every outfit she styled for him and Harry had been so excited. The outfits he wore in the video were received with praise when it was finally released, and Harry and Y/N were overjoyed. There was already a party for its release, but they both were especially happy that night. Throughout the evening, Harry and Y/N would gravitate to one another and fall into side conversations about the outfits and what people had been saying. Even if Harry said it didn’t matter, he and Y/N both knew, at the end of the day, they loved when people were happy with their work.

“Sure,” he bounced to his feet, but Y/N made a hand motion telling him that he could stay seated. He settled back down as she crossed over and sat beside him on his couch.

She was at his house in London today planning his next few appearances that were promotion for the upcoming album, Saturday Night Live was next. Harry had been taking a break from their work until she had come in.

It wasn’t unusual for Y/N to be at his house, they had been working together for months now. First, it had been for his outfits in his music videos that were filmed in late summer and early fall, like Lights up, but also a few other ones. Now, it was clothing for promo appearances, interviews, and listening parties. Next, it would be tour outfits, which she had already started planning, but officially, they hadn’t started discussions yet. Harry had helped her to get a flat closer to his house in London just for her to be able to head over and help with the planning or fitting of his outfits more easily. She also was constantly traveling with him to his appearances, making sure outfits were perfect right before whatever show it was or making last minute adjustments in case either of them decided something wasn’t right.

While Harry was a big guy, his waist was far trimmer than a usual man built to his size, this meant she had to take in a lot of his trousers at the waist. As well, with his shirts and coats, she’d have to take them in or out depending on how Harry wanted the fit to be - either perfectly tight or perfectly oversized. He was particular, but she appreciated his drive for fashion and how he cared for his appearance. Before performances, she often had to take things in or out based on any body fluctuation that had occurred since the initial fitting.

She was looking at her sketchpad that held all of her notes on his clothes - which was different from the lookbook of polaroids - including patches of the actual colors and little Harry figures dressed in what he was going to wear. Right now, she had the pad opened to a page titled “SNL Opener - November 16, 2019”.

“So I was thinking with your opening monologue outfit, it might look better to have a different colored blazer? A matching yellow would be great, but if you did more of a toned down - maybe light tan or beige - blazer with gold embellishments, you’d elevate it to look sophisticated and stylish, rather than just stylish. It’d be exactly like the runway look - which I know you sometimes don’t like, but I think it’s what looks best.”

She ran her finger between two swatches of what she thought would be the better blazer color and the one Harry had originally wanted. He wet his lips and gazed at the page as he thought about what she said. Normally, she liked monochrome on him, but she thought the deep blue underneath a completely yellow suit might wash him out on the stage.

“Yeah,” he pointed to the top beige swatch, “I think I do like this better.” He paused and turned his head to Y/N, looking in her eyes before asking, “Is that all?”

“Er...no,” Y/N ran a hand over her unstyled hair, slightly fluffed by her constant musing of it. She often fiddled with it while she worked, better than biting nails she always said when confronted about her tick. After a sigh Y/N continued, “I was just on the phone with Jane from Gucci and she said that for Look 57 they could only send your technical size, for some reason they can’t custom make it. Meaning, I’ll have to tailor the whole thing to you when it arrives. Is that alright? Or do you want to choose something else?”

She flipped to a page that said “SNL WS.” Harry followed her hands and nodded realizing she was talking about the Gucci suit he wanted to wear for Watermelon Sugar. It was a watermelon’s inside red. When he had found out the suit came in that color, he had danced around the dining table for what Y/N had felt like was an hour, humming the tune of Watermelon Sugar excitedly. Finally, she had coaxed him to sit back down and get back to their other work, which was still picking out clothes.

“No, that’s fine,” Harry shook his head and used his thumb to scratch under his lips absentmindedly, “It really needs to be that color.”

She nodded, she knew what his answer was going to be, but she also knew he still liked to make the final decision.

“Alright, we’ll just have to meet for longer when everything arrives, to tailor that one. Then the rest of them should just be making sure the fit is perfect.”

She rose up from her seat and patted Harry’s shoulder, leaving him to his thoughts, as she went back to finish up the calls with Jane and the designers.

He caught her hand in his before she completely walked away, “Thank you, Y/N.” He was so grateful he had hired someone who was as driven as he was and understood his fashion sense and wanted to help enhance what he was thinking, rather than someone trying to control him or just going along with whatever he said. Neither would be productive or helpful, thankfully Y/N loved her job and cared to do things right.

She grinned before exiting, “H, you’re going to be this century’s style icon if it’s the last thing I do.” He laughed as she walked out of the room, leaning back on the couch to continue his lurking on Instagram.

One week later

“I’m here, H! I come bearing Gucci and more!” Y/N said as she shuffled through Harry’s front door, she held a deconstructed rack and a garment bag filled with heavy suits and things. Inside were Harry’s four most important outfits for SNL, some other garments for SNL, and some clothes they had talked about for his upcoming listening sessions later in the month. Y/N needed to check the fit on all of them and begin tailoring the Watermelon Sugar suit. The key Harry had given to Y/N, previously, had let her in, but she assumed he was home. He said he’d be.

When Y/N rounded the corner she found another empty room. Confused, she set down her large items and went to search for Harry. Y/N literally needed him to be here for this part. It was the only real time she actually needed to see him in person - but that was beside the point.

“H?”

She wandered through the different rooms of his home. Normally, Y/N didn’t go into the other rooms, she was always mainly in his lounge area, the dining room, and a little casual office room he had - sometimes the kitchen for water, his bedroom once. Still not finding him, she decided to venture to the furthest door, Harry’s bedroom, she remembered.

Harry groaned at the sound of a knock on his door, he rolled over in his bed. After a few moments of hearing nothing else than his groan, Y/N felt like she had to go in and check on him.

“H, it’s 12:30 and we agreed we’d meet at noon. Are you feeling alright?”

Y/N moved into the room and found a shirtless Harry surrounded by rumpled sheets, clutching at a pillow. He groaned into his pillow again in response. Her legs bent at the edge of the bed and she reached out to smooth some of his chestnut hair out of his face, “What’s wrong?”

He moved his head to allow his eyes to look at her, “‘M so tired, don’t know why. My stomach kind of hurts too…” Y/N looked at him quizzically, before running her hand over his tan forehead once more, this time checking for a fever. “You don’t have a fever. When did you go to sleep? Have you eaten anything today?” With her help, Harry moved into a seated position, head tilted back against the bedpost. He sat silent for a moment before blowing air out of his mouth. “Went to sleep kind of late for me, I guess...Haven’t eaten.”

“Ok, you’re just tired from staying up late, you old man, and you might be a little dehydrated and hungry. Listen, I’ll go make you some food if you get up and prepare yourself for the day. We need to get all your clothes fitted so that I can fix anything before next week.” Y/N was always good at getting Harry back on track when he got distracted - or even out of the station, when he wasn’t in the mood to work on something. She slid from her perch on the bed and walked to almost the edge of the room before Harry called her back.

“Can you pick out my clothes for me?” His soft, tired voice whined. “So hard...and you’ve got the best eye. Pleaseeee,” he pleaded softly.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N sighed and made her way back into his room. Crossing to the door that led to his walk-in closet, she set to work. As silly as he was being, she could never pass up on a chance to pick out an outfit for Harry.

“You’re literally going to be changing the entire time, H, you could have just thrown on sweats,” she called back to him once inside the smaller room. He repeated how she always picked the right thing, even for just around the house. Again, Y/N rolled her eyes at Harry, but she also couldn’t hide the warm smile on her face that was due to his compliment.

She couldn’t believe how dramatic Harry could be sometimes. Right now, he was a lesser form of hungover and he was acting like his life was ending. Y/N had made a note a while ago to never agree to a meeting on the day after any partying. She learned the hard way one particularly terrible Sunday. She had come round his house at a similar time, noon-ish and found Harry dead asleep, backwards in his bed. When she had roused him, his only responses were grumbles and groans. She had to not only pick out his clothes, but also help dress him. Then, after providing water and aspirin, she moved all their work into his bedroom so they could work from there. Harry had proved to be a baby when it came to hangovers. But, she hadn’t realized he could get like this even without being truly hungover.

After settling on his live aid t-shirt, that Y/N was eternally jealous of, located at the front of his drawer and his favorite corduroy trousers, she walked out and threw them in the direction of his toned, but slumped body. “I will not get you boxers, that is most definitely not in my job description, Boss.” Y/N sent a pointed look in his direction, moving to finally leave the room. While he was technically her boss as her employer, their work relationship was extremely collaborative and it never felt like he was in control of her, she just liked to give him shit for being a drama queen.

“Guess I’ll be going commando. How’s that going to work with me changing in front of you a bunch of times?” He teased right back, taking the clothes you had thrown at him and giving them a onceover. His teasing signalled that he was already feeling better.

Y/N shook her head and walked out of the room, “For the love of God, Harry, please put on underwear before you come out and continuously strip in front of me!”

The words he shouted after that were muffled, but they were something along the lines of how the human body is beautiful and shouldn’t be covered up. Unbelievable. As she set to work on making both of them some lunch, she finally heard Harry begin moving around. They had a lot of work to do as it was and whenever Harry was in a mood, whether it be a good mood or a bad mood, they always seemed to have a hard time focusing.

One night, that could be seen as the poster child for Harry and Y/N’s procrastination, was during the planning for the Adore You music video. Harry was in a super good mood that day and he had brought that energy to their meeting at his house. Y/N was supposed to be fitting him for the various outfits, but Harry, in his mania, ordered an overzealous amount of Chinese food. It took her and Harry hours to even make a dent in the food. And while they passed the time with eating, Harry and Y/N got further and further from their tasks, opting for conversations that included more fun topics than work. They had gossipped about some of the other people they worked with, Harry had begged for “the tea” about some of his other staffers and Y/N was happy to oblige. As much as Y/N would hate to admit it, she loved when they got off of work subjects and talked about how their day’s had been and what has been on their nerves lately. It was a nice way to decompress, it was like hanging out with a friend, except it wasn’t, not really.

Harry shuffled into the kitchen wearing what Y/N had picked out for him. Her smile grew knowing that he hadn’t changed what she’d picked. His confidence in her and her abilities never failed to feel like the biggest compliment.

“Go sit at the dining table, I’ve made us some little sandwiches and then we can decide the order we want to go through the outfits in.”

Before following Y/N’s orders, Harry continued his shuffling around, first to the cabinet for a glass, then to the fridge for water. At the end of the table, she set the plates between the head of the table’s spot and the one to its left. Harry took the side spot, so Y/N was on the end. After a bite of his food, Harry moaned loudly in contentment. This caused an amused look on Y/N’s face, there had been nothing special in his house so she had just made what was possible. This meant that Harry’s satisfaction was a little over the top.

“You’re acting like you haven’t eaten in a week. What did you do last night that got you in such a twist?” Y/N asked as she took a sip of her own glass of water. Harry nibbled at his lower lip after swallowing, trying to understand why he was particularly tired today.

“I guess I forgot to eat properly yesterday and then I went out running. And I stayed up late on the phone with,” he paused, eyes flashing to Y/N and then away again, “someone for SNL.”

Y/N hummed at his words before going back to her own eating. She didn’t understand why he hesitated about telling her he’d been on the phone last night, it especially irked her that he wouldn’t even say with whom. Professionally, it wasn’t really her business, but Harry was never secretive with her. Plus, it seemed to be work related so why was he being so flighty about it.

Moving forward, Harry peppier from eating and simply moving around, the pair set to work. They decided on trying on everything else first and then saving the Watermelon Sugar suit to the end. The other three main pieces for the night fit perfectly, Y/N had to only do minor reworks of certain areas.

“H, I need you to hold still…” Y/N interrupted Harry’s ramblings as she was crouched beside him.

She had to take up the hem on the pant legs so right now she was trying to pin them in the place she and Harry had agreed upon, without messing with the pleats.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, straightening out his back to stand taller.

He stayed quiet for a bit until Y/N popped back up, she looked at her notebook for reference on what she still had to tailor.

“Okay, next, the pants crotch is looking pretty fitted, so I assume you want it taken down a bit,” Y/N said as she got back into her crouching position. “Look in the mirror and tell me where you think letting it out looks best, I don’t have the best vantage point when I’m up this close…” she trailed off, placing her measuring tape directly on top of Harry’s crotch and running it down his leg a ways.

Once done with her first attempt at where she thought was best to let the pants out, she turned her eyes to the mirror that showed Harry in his suit with Y/N on her knees before him. Harry cleared his throat as he looked in the mirror, seeing Y/N with her eyes wide in anticipation in the position she was in made him want to run and hide. Her hands were extremely close to his dick, but it was literally her job, he knew he had to shake the thoughts that were running through his mind.

“Maybe just a bit further up actually, as much as I like the high waist with dropped crotch, I want this suit to have that specifically tailored look,” his hands motioned for Y/N to bring the drop up a ways.

Her hands then brought the measuring tape up, once again grazing over his area. Again, Y/N looked at Harry through the mirror for approval, and this time he gave it and she placed a single pin in the place where the pants would be let out to.

Standing up, Y/N hoped Harry didn’t notice the blush gracing her face. She was a stylist and used to being around naked bodies as well as touching around a man’s crotch when working. But Harry in this suit must have been magic, because she had felt extremely vulnerable on her knees in front of him in it. She had felt flushed the minute he hadn’t liked what she had done initially and she hated that she felt that way for some reason. Beginning to work on the sleeves of the suit set her at ease, Y/N was thankful to no longer be kneeling or in such close proximity to what was under Harry’s pants.

“Anything on your mind of late?” Harry broke the silence.

Y/N hummed with a pin stuck between her lips, folding up the suit jacket’s right sleeve. Plucking it from her mouth after a few silent moments, she said, “Not really, haven’t had time to do much else lately. Always thinking about you,” Y/N flushed as she realized what she had just said. “I mean, thinking about you like about your clothes and when they’re going to arrive and what I need to do about them, not you personally, sorry that came out wrong,” her blush intensified as she rapidly fumbled through her last sentence.

“Ow!”

“Oh my god!”

While Y/N had gotten flustered with her words, she managed to stick the pin she was using straight into Harry’s flesh. She immediately removed the pin from where it had stuck him.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, H, we’ve got to get this off. I need to make sure you’re not bleeding onto the suit.”

Y/N rushed around to Harry's backside and began slipping off his suit jacket as Harry chuckled and began to unbutton the shirt as carefully as possible.

“‘S alright, Y/N, if there’s any blood on the shirt it’ll blend in, blood is practically the same color.” She glared at him through the mirror and Harry continued to laugh, “That is not funny, H, I shouldn’t have stuck you in the first place.”

“No, no,” Harry hushed Y/N as she began to slip off his shirt from one side to the other, taking off the sleeve on the side she hadn’t poked, “you’ve got so much on your plate with all the planning for the upcoming events. Then you worked yourself up over a little slip.” As Y/N carefully unbuttoned the cuff of the sleeve to try and slip off the shirt with the least amount of blood on it as possible, Harry finished with, “I wouldn’t mind if you were just thinking about me, though, an’ not the clothes.”

This time, Y/N was very in control, not willing to let herself slip up a second time today. She didn’t know how to respond to what Harry had just admitted. It wasn’t like this hasn't happened before. Both of them were guilty of making little comments that made it sound like they were interested in each other in a way that was a little different than professional or friendly. But every time the other person always had the responsibility to shut the idea down or completely blow past what their counter had just said.

“Harry…” She began, it was soft and pleading, like she was saying she couldn’t entertain that idea. Examining his forearm, after pulling the shirt completely away and resting it on a nearby chair, she saw a little spot of blood protruding from the pin prick she had caused. “Where do you keep your bandages?” Y/N decided that it was best to brush past Harry’s words this time and went off to find his first aid kit. Harry stood there, shirtless, staring at the blood on his arm. It really wasn’t a lot and it wouldn’t have done anything to the suit, but Y/N was always so careful and never wanted to ruin any of Harry’s clothes.

On her return, Y/N came upon a shirtless Harry perched on the edge of the table, with one arm crossed and his other - that was bleeding - being held slightly away from his body, as if Harry was afraid to touch it. His posture was slumped so Y/N could see his spine curving beneath his tanned honey-soft skin and his shoulder blades slightly flexed. While most of Harry’s body was covered in tattoos, she noticed how the closest tattoo to his back was the small line drawing of a guitar on the back of his left shoulder. Other than that his smooth back was bare. Y/N found it interesting that Harry had never chosen to ink his back. She jogged lightly back into the room and Harry’s head turned to watch her approach. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he regarded her. She noticed he was being particularly quiet, but she had no idea why. Maybe he was still tired.

Y/N set to work on finding the correct tissue, neosporin, and bandage for Harry’s small wound. As she worked on fixing up her mistake, Harry’s eyes followed her movements. Green eyes flickering between her hands on his arm and her own eyes focusing on her task.

“After this, I actually can just head home and finish the rest of the work,” Y/N said as she unpackaged the bandage, “I already know where I need to take in the suit sleeves and the shirt’s sleeves were looking fine. So, I can get out of your hair and you can get to sleep early tonight.” She placed the nude toned bandage over Harry’s arm, she was a little sad to find he didn’t own fun bandages. That was something that she expected from Harry, but she resigned that maybe she didn’t know everything about Harry.

Before Harry could speak, Y/N continued, “Don’t rehearsals for the show start tomorrow? When are you flying to New York?” She ran her hand over the bandage, smoothing it in place. Her hand lingered there as her eyes looked up and met Harry’s. Harry twitched his arm away from Y/N’s touch and scratched his nose slightly.

“Yeah, I’m flying out tomorrow morning. When are you set to fly out?”

“Friday. I’ll get in before the final dress rehearsal and then I’ll be there for the show.” Y/N stepped back and began to rehang the suit jacket and shirt that they had discarded in her haste to not get blood on them.

Then Y/N stood there staring at Harry. He looked at her slightly confused by her doing nothing when she said she was leaving. “Pants, H.” She said finally when she realized he had forgotten he was still wearing the suit pants. “Oh! Sorry,” Harry exclaimed as he began to unbutton and remove the pants he was wearing. He handed her the pants and she exchanged them with his live-aid t shirt. He took it graciously before slipping it on and disguising his toned body beneath it. Then he took his pants from earlier and fully redressed himself.

“Damn!” Y/N said and Harry’s head flipped to watch her as she began to put all of the clothing back in their garment bags and take down the rack.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just pinched myself with the rack, I’m all left feet today.”

“Here,” Harry chuckled as he walked over to help Y/N, “let me help you with all this. Just in the boot of your car, yeah?” Y/N nodded and smiled in appreciation for Harry. He grabbed her keys laying on the table and then took the rack and a garment bag. Even if things sometimes got tense between them, for whatever reason, he was always quick to move past it and be thoughtful and kind in the best ways for Y/N. After shaking her hand out, she grabbed the last garment bags and followed Harry out to her car. Harry shut the back of her car softly and turned to face Y/N, she stood beside her car door, ever so slightly leaning against it. He walked to her side and smiled.

“I’ll see you in a week,” he said before wrapping his arms around Y/N’s much smaller frame. His body was radiating heat and it felt good against Y/N in the crisp night air of London. She pressed into his hold and wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him hard. “Less than...Can’t wait to see you make an absolute fool of yourself out there.” Harry protested her tease with a small, “Hey!” but mostly focused on his hands on her back and the way her hair felt especially soft under his chin. Finally, Y/N pulled away, “Kidding! You’ll be amazing and you’ll look killer while doing it.” She winked before opening her car door and driving off. Harry was left with the lingering scent of her perfume and shampoo mingling in his nose.

It was the Saturday night, November 16th, 2019.

Harry and Y/N were in his dressing room before the show started. His outfits for the night were lined up, except for his opener one that Y/N had just dressed him in. His first change would be for Light’s Up, then a couple skit outfits that had to be moved elsewhere for quick changes, then the Watermelon Sugar suit, and then finally his end of the show casual look. The opener looked incredible, it’s fit was impeccable and Y/N knew people were going to love it.

She stepped back from Harry to give his whole body a once over, the SNL hairstylist had just blown out his hair and given him a sort of middle part. It definitely looked good and paired with the suit - Y/N could already tell it was going to be a hit by all accounts. Harry grinned back at her, doing a little dance to show just how much he was loving his clothes and how excited he was.

Grabbing the lint roller, Y/N gave the lapels of his suit jacket a once over and then moved it slightly out of the way to roll the big collar of Harry’s shirt and the bits of the body of the shirt that were showing underneath the jacket. Basically, Y/N was lint rolling over Harry’s clothed abs. Apparently, that was a ticklish area for Harry because he began to squirm and giggle under the tool’s touch.

“Seriously, H?”

She smiled as she said it, so excited for Harry that she couldn’t be mad at his relestness.

“Can’t help it. ‘M so giddy. Plus, I’m a wee bit ticklish.”

Y/N gave him a single laugh before removing the lint roller and smoothing over the shirt against his stomach and then over the lapels when she put the jacket back in place. She adjusted the Gucci reader’s she was wearing today, that were more for decoration than anything, but she liked to pretend they made her see better.

“You look smashing, Mr. Styles. Absolutely gorgeous, if I do say so myself.”

“Are you talking to me or the suit?” Harry asked as he flipped to look in the full length mirror in the dressing room.

“Can’t it be both?”

“Sure,” Harry said, he noticed the clock and realized it was his time to get in places. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on Y/N’s cheek, “It’s my time, thank you, Y/N.” She blushed at his words and actions. As he walked out the door, she called after him, “Break a leg, H!” He sent a final air kiss in her direction before completely disappearing.

She looked at the clothes hanging on the rack in the room and palmed over the fabric. Checking the lapels and brushing the lint roller over the, she finally stepped back and was happy with how they looked. When the show was just about to start, she flitted to the part of backstage where she could watch Harry perform. She giggled along to his monologue and grinned whole-heartedly when the crowd would roar with approval. Y/N had heard all of the jokes already because of the dress rehearsal yesterday, but it didn’t matter. Harry was killing it. She also took time to appreciate how good Harry looked in his suit on stage. In front of the lights and all the people, his suit shined brightly with the pops of blue and yellow and the oversized grey-iege jacket. His soft chestnut hair billowed perfectly to frame his forehead as he sipped from the faux martini. Y/N bit her lip to stifle her laugh. The fact that Harry, her boss and friend, was up on the Saturday Night Live stage with pink and blue nails sipping from a faux martini, it was perfect.

When Harry came back for his first performance change Y/N was right there waiting for him.

“Hi, that was really good,” she smiled up at him as he began to take off his coat.

He smiled brightly back at her as he exhaled a hefty breath, “You think so?”

“Yes! C’mon, everyone loved it. You delivered it all perfectly…” she took over undoing the buttons on the shirt because Harry was moving too slowly. “I’m in a man band now…” Y/N mumbled under her breath before chuckling.

“Did you just imitate my accent?” Harry said, now pulling off his sleeves.

Y/N moved around his back to take the shirt to hang and grab his Lights Up outfit. They worked like a well-oiled machine together, constantly taking over roles to get things done more efficiently, but never stepping on each other’s toes.

“Nope,” she winked before handing him the black sequin jumpsuit and exchanging it for his yellow pants. After rehanging the pants and bringing over Harry’s different set of boots, Y/N said, “Y’know, I’d have to say that your hair is giving your suit a run for its money.” She placed the shoes on the table beside Harry and began to fix into the place different parts of the jumpsuit, moving to zip up the back and then coming to the front to smooth it.

“What do you mean?” Harry looked in the mirror and delicately touched the edges of his hair, considering Y/N’s statement.

“No one ever really sees it how it is, nicely blown out but not too much product so it falls to frame your face. What’d you tell the hair person you wanted?” Y/N stepped back to allow Harry to change his boots from one Gucci pair to another, like he did with most of his wardrobe.

“Just told them to make me look mature. You think it looks good?” He looked up at Y/N when he asked the question.

“Think it looks sexy, that’s what I’m saying, no one’s gonna be able to focus on your clothes with how good your hair looks.”

“Ah,” he deftly runs his hands down his suit as he looks in the mirror.

Y/N just stares at Harry, checking him over one more time. She wasn’t lying about his hair, it was sexy and she wanted to run her hands through it to feel how soft it was. In a complete friend way of course.

“I like it…”

“It looks like you just rolled out of bed, but the bed was made of angel feathers.”

Harry laughed at Y/N’s description. He shifted his body to face her more and moved closer to her in the process.

“Alright, you should probably get back out there,” Y/N closes the gap between them and adjusts the chain of his jade and silver crosses and brushes over his broad shoulders.

They’re professional touches, but her movements hold an undercurrent of intimacy that neither of them realize. If anyone had been looking on, they would see how Y/N’s fingers delicately caressed Harry’s skin right before she cradled the pendants to move them in place. They would also see Harry instinctively lean forward into her touch and breathe slightly deeper to take in her scent. When she brushes over his shoulders, he straightens up at the touch and shows he’s ready to get back out there. It’s as if she prepared him to go.

Harry sings Lights Up and the crowd loves it. Sarah kills her drumming and Mitch eats up lead guitar. The backup singers bring out a different tone to the song. It is all around an amazing performance.

As Y/N clapped along with the crowd from backstage, Aidy Bryant approaches her.

“You’re Harry’s stylist, right?”

Y/N turns her head at the woman next to her, “Yeah?”

Aidy smiles, eyes slightly gleaming, “Well, you’re wonderful at your job.” As Y/N is about to thank her, Aidy continues, “And Harry knows that too, he talked about you all week. We all thought you were his girlfriend at first.”

Y/N laughed lightly and had to keep herself from letting her jaw drop at Aidy’s words. She even choked a bit on her own spit and had to cough slightly before even being able to think of a response, “Well, um, yeah...no, H, Harry is just my employer and...friend. No dating, we just get along well. Which is important since we spend a lot of time together - for work of course!”

Aidy smiled sweetly at Y/N, “Yeah, Harry explained that when Beck asked him how long you’d been together. At first he had said a couple months and then said ‘wait, Y/N is just my stylist, we’ve been working together for a couple months’ and then we all felt really dumb.”

“Don’t feel dumb,” Y/N reassured her, unsure why she was actually continuing this conversation, “He loves to talk about clothes and that’s where I fit in to his life, so I’m sure my name would come up a fair bit. Was that it?”

“Yeah I guess, but-” Aidy began to say more, but Y/N cut her off.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, but Harry’s finished and I’ve got to go help him change for his next song.”

Aidy was left in Y/N’s wake, chuckling to herself, fully reassured about the reason that they had all thought Harry had been dating Y/N. Because they already acted like a couple. And they were both helplessly in love with one another and neither of them knew.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch. Harry continued to wow the crowd and Y/N sent him off from his dressing room always looking fabulous. Just as he was about to walk back on stage for his final farewell, Y/N noticed a tiny string on his trousers zipper. Unable to stop Harry and unable to grab at the string without looking odd, she had to let him walk on stage with it. It wasn’t actually a big deal, but Y/N sighed in annoyance because she knew that string was going to bug her for the rest of the night.

“Treat People With Kindness!” Harry finishes off his farewell.

Applause begins to sound and the cast is out front hugging and chatting, while Y/N is watching from the side still fixated on the string on Harry’s pants, now simply dangling. Finally, they begin to clear the stage because it’s time for the after party. Y/N knew there was no stealing Harry away to fix the problem that was now fixated in her mind. Every cast and crew member was trying to talk to him, congratulating him, hugging him, anything to spend time with the incredible man. Y/N couldn’t blame them, but she also wanted to be able to go some place quiet and debrief with Harry about his outfits. She wanted to look up what people were saying about his clothes and discuss the critiques with Harry. She also wanted to start discussing what was coming next with Harry. But most of all, she just wanted to hang out with Harry.

What Y/N wanted wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, which she knew, but it still only grew her annoyance with that string. If only she could get it off of him, maybe then her mind would be able to relax a little.

She meandered backstage, resigned she wouldn’t be talking to Harry for a while. There she went to find the band’s dressing room, knowing she would find Mitch or Sarah who she’d be happy to talk to. They weren’t ones for the spotlight and no one ever really seemed to want to brownnose with them at events like this. Y/N had met them a few times.

The first was when Harry had asked Y/N to meet him in the studio in mid July, Mitch and Sarah had both been there helping Harry finish up something for the album. Y/N never asked what, she liked music quite a bit, but when it came to the technical part of it, it went completely over her head. Harry had introduced them both and they seemed lovely. After that, she had seen them around for an event or two of Harry’s. It wasn’t much, but it was more than any of the other people around right now.

Just as she was about to knock on the door it swung open, revealing Harry’s entire backing band. “Hey,” Y/N said sheepishly, “Harry’s being fawned over by the masses and I don’t actually know anyone else here. Is it alright if I hang out with you all at this after party? I doubt there’s going to be anyone really dying to meet the stylist.”

She smoothed her own clothes as she spoke. Y/N wanted to look professional tonight because sometimes when she was dressed in more fun or “young” clothes she got mistaken for someone who had snuck in. The only thing that got people to not question her authority to be where she was, was a card that read ‘staff’ that she would clip onto whatever she was wearing at places like this. Tonight, she chose a pair of purple plaid pants, a sleek lilac tank underneath a cream knit shawl, and cream Gucci mules. Ever since Harry took an interest in Y/N’s pearl necklace, she had largely stopped wearing hers because she hoped never to be photographed matching with him. However, she had known the pearls would have completed the look, even putting them on in her hotel room, twisting a pearl in her hand as she looked in the mirror, and then taking the necklace off again and settling on a different silver necklace instead. The ‘staff’ card was clipped to her pants pocket tonight.

“Of course!” Sarah said as the band began to file out of the room, “You might want to take your tag off now, though, you’re done working for the night.”

Her laughter rang sweetly through Y/N’s ears and she smiled back before removing her identifying card. She hated the piece of plastic and was glad to take it off, it never went with her outfits, but she had gotten tired of taking out her business card every time someone asked what she was doing. Y/N was sure that during the tour she’d be fine without it, but as Harry’s show appearances were beginning to ramp up she knew it would be helpful to have.

“Thanks...you all were amazing out there tonight. Second time on the SNL stage right?”

The group of you began to walk in the direction of where the after party was being held. Mitch piped up, “Thanks. Yeah, I love their box stage setup, it’s pretty cool.” Y/N was happy that she had people who were easy to talk to so that she wouldn’t be alone tonight.

Arriving in the room of the party, they were all quick to grab the alcohol that was being provided at the pop up bar. Y/N wasn’t normally a fan of drinking at events like these, mainly because she was not usually invited to this part of the night and when she was she wanted to be alert. But she figured there wasn’t much else to do so she took a hearty sip of the champagne. It was a little sweet, her face scrunched.

“Too sweet?” Mitch questioned when he saw Y/N’s face.

“Just a little for my taste.”

“Harry’s not going to be drinking tonight then. So particular about his alcohol,” Mitch continued.

Y/N laughed, “Well I’m glad, then I don’t have to deal with him being a baby about his hangover tomorrow.”

Mitch quirked an eyebrow at Y/N’s statement. Sarah and the others in the band had dispersed to mingle with the SNL party goers, leaving Mitch and Y/N to their conversation.

Realizing what she said could be seen as slightly weird out of context, Y/N quickly started again, “because I’m supposed to go shopping with Harry tomorrow. He wanted to go to Gucci and a couple other stores here before flying to LA. I’m going back to London until the listening parties, so we need to figure out the finishing touches for those and..” Y/N trailed off trying to remember which looks weren’t completed yet for the next few shows, Mitch waited patiently, “a few of the suits for the Late Late Show. He’s not happy with one of them so we might switch it. But anyway, you know how he is with a hangover. Proper child.”

Mitch threw his head back in laughter at Y/N’s serious look that she gave him. “Yeah, he can be...a lot. I meant to tell you, Harry looked great tonight. All of the clothes were fantastic,” Mitch added.

He was kind and Y/N appreciated him sticking with her. The two of them had rested themselves against a wall near the bar, sipping their champagne and enjoying each other’s company.

“Thank you.”

Mitch opened his mouth to say something else, but Heidi Gardener, another SNL member interrupted.

“Y/N, right!?”

Y/N and Mitch both turn to her, equally taken aback by the sudden burst of energy from this person they didn’t really know. Y/N nodded.

“Oh my gosh! You have to tell me where you got the jacket Harry is wearing!”

Heidi even goes as far to point in Harry’s direction. Y/N knows what she’s talking about, but her eyes still wander to where she pointed. Harry stood in a clump of people, surrounded by Ben Winston, James Corden, and the Gerbers who had all come to watch. She sighed as she watched his eyes shine as he laughed with a smile on his face. She hoped that by now the string had fallen off his pants by now, if not she was going to kick herself later.

“Oh, it’s Bode,” Y/N’s eyes coming back to meet Heidi’s happy face, “but it’s custom made from a vintage blanket. There’s only two that exist.”

Y/N and Mitch watched as Heidi’s face dropped.

“And I’m pretty sure the designer owns the other one,” Y/N added, “Sorry.”

Heidi smiles and jokes, “Know any ways I could possibly get Harry to give me his?”

“He loves that coat. I have no idea what you could possibly do to convince him he didn’t need it anymore.”

“Sex, probably,” Mitch says under his breath.

Heidi doesn’t catch it as she walks back off and Y/N turns to swat him with her free hand.

“What? He always gives away his clothes to girl’s he has crushes on.” Y/N rolls her eyes at Mitch’s words.

“Probably best if you don’t inform the masses about that,” a new voice says.

Unbeknownst to Mitch and Y/N, Harry had broken away from his entourage to steal a few minutes with his two friends, his best friends if he was being honest. They laugh together as he wraps his arms around their shoulders and pulls them both into his chest. Y/N feels the warmth radiating from Harry’s body as she snuggles into his side. Her hand wraps under his jacket and around his waist to squeeze right about his hip bone. His face is gleaming with a small sheen of sweat, but his smile is so big she barely notices his perspiration as he looks down at her.

“Heard you were talkin’ shit?”

Mitch quips, “Us? Never.”

Harry scoffs, “Come off it!”

When he releases Y/N and Mitch from his grasp, Mitch straightens up while Y/N’s eyes immediately go down to Harry’s crotch. She’s not paying attention to their conversation as she tries to make out in the dim light whether the string is gone or not. The men realize she’s not listening and they both follow her gaze.

Confused, Harry asks, “Y/N, any particular reason you’re staring at my dick?”

Her head shoots up, eyes wide and cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

“I wasn’t!”

Mitch laughs and decides he wants another glass of champagne right then, mumbling something about how that was his cue. Harry smiles, knowing she wasn’t doing what he had said, but still intrigued to know what was going on in her mind.

“You had a string right on your zipper and it’s been bugging me since you went out for your outro. This is the first time I’ve seen you on your own and I couldn't exactly go up to you in a random crowd and grab at your crotch. But now I can’t see in this light…” Y/N bit at her lower lip and furrowed her brow still trying to see if the string was there.

“Have you really been thinking about it this whole time?” Harry asked, slightly concerned.

“Yes...I know it doesn’t matter, but I just want your clothes to look perfect.”

Harry takes a deep breath as he makes a small smile at Y/N. Then he brushes over the front of his pants, hoping he removes the string if it's still attached to him. “There, I’m sure it’s gone now. I’m sorry you had to worry about that. Just know everyone I’ve talked to has been raving about the clothes.” He placed his ring-clad hand on Y/N’s upper arm and squeezed it.

“You did an amazing job,” Y/N said.

Harry pulls her into his chest one more time. This time without Mitch so both of Harry’s arms go around her shoulders and both of hers go around his slender waist. Again her hands disappear under his coat and thumb over his warm white t-shirt, her face resting on his chest right next to the word ‘Sex’. His arms tighten around her back as they rest there for a while. Y/N always has to make herself pull away, knowing that Harry will stay there for as long as he can - in anyone’s embrace - and remembering they’re in a public setting, she didn’t want anyone to assume things, even if she had already been made aware that people had.

“We’ll debrief more later tonight, yeah? The champagne is terrible so I won’t be drinking,” Harry said.

Y/N laughed under her breath as she smiled at his words. Mitch and her knew Harry too well. She nodded about getting together later, “Alright. Get back to your fan club.” Harry narrowed her eyes at her words, not sure if she was trying to sound sarcastic or not.

Hey, I’m back at the hotel. Just let me know when you want to debrief :) x

Y/N texted Harry the minute she got back to the hotel, she had no idea if he had left before her or was still at the after party. All she knew was that it was late and she was starting to get tired. Still, it was important for them to talk about their plans for tomorrow and she also really wanted to just be with him alone. Whenever they would debrief after big events Harry and Y/N would laugh at all the outrageous stuff they had seen go on throughout the night.

When she was still a freelance stylist she had helped Harry to plan his Camp outfit at the Met Gala. That night, they never even went to bed and had to debrief about the clothes the next afternoon over tea at the Palace. Both her and Harry were recovering from their exhaustion and nursing equally terrible hangovers. But there they were, sitting in the center of the dining area of the hotel, being served some of the nicest tea and sandwiches Y/N had ever had. It was amazing. Y/N had never felt that rich in her life before and Harry had told her the craziest stories about the most famous people in attendance. It was almost unbelievable what these people would reveal to Harry and Y/N was happy to listen to all of it, promising to never tell anyone else. That outing was probably the first time Harry realized he really liked Y/N and wanted to work more closely with her.

While tonight wasn’t quite as wild as the Met Gala had been, Y/N was still excited to hear any funny stories Harry might have in addition to their clothing talk. They really hadn’t had much time to chat since she had gotten to New York yesterday so it would be nice to just be alone together. Even if Y/N chalked their debriefs up to ‘shop talk’, she was always very excited for them.

As she reached her hotel room door, her phone buzzed with a message from Harry.

I’m still out, but should be heading back soon. Up to you if you want to wait up or we can just debrief in the morning while we shop. x H

Y/N sighed at the message, she wanted to wait up and debrief before tomorrow, if not for alone time with Harry but professionally for being able to plan out their shopping tomorrow. Where Harry was carefree, Y/N was meticulous and planned out. She liked to have fun, but she knew when she had to get her work done, even when Harry was off in his own mind. Their work styles mostly coincided, Harry could be serious and focused, too, but often when he was surrounded by all his famous friends he had a hard time saying ‘no’ to whatever came up. So Y/N knew that Harry’s definition of ‘soon’ could range from actually soon to almost dawn. She really hoped he actually meant soon, so she shot him a text saying:

Just knock on my room and if I open it we can debrief lol x

Harry smiled down at his phone when Y/N’s text came through, slightly chuckling before double tapping and placing a heart reaction of her text. Then he was pulled into the limo that one of his friend’s had gotten them and was handed a flute of champagne.

Back at the hotel, Y/N threw her phone on the bed and decided to change and simply settle in for the night. If Harry made it back, he made it back and if he didn’t she’d wake up well rested.

Maybe thirty minutes into scrolling on her phone, Y/N heard a rough knock on her door. She was actually quite surprised that Harry had indeed been back soon. Rising from her snuggled place in the bed, she shifted around her night clothes and padded to her door. There stood, rather hung, a slightly disheveled Harry. His hair was whipped into disaster, something was smudged on his face, and she noticed a stain on his t-shirt that hadn’t been there the last time she’d been with him.

He slurred her name as he stumbled through the doorway. Y/N closed her eyes and sighed in exasperation. She was in awe that somehow Harry hadn’t gotten off his ass in the past hour and a half.

“What happened to not drinking tonight?”

She walked beside him and helped shove him into a sitting position on her bed. He flapped his arms, chaotically trying to get his plaid jacket off. Throwing her phone in the direction of her pillow, she moved to help Harry with his jacket. After quite a bit of strugglings, Y/N finally got the Bode jacket off of him successfully and threw it onto the nearby chair. Sighing, she settled beside him.

“So, Harry, care to explain?”

“Hi, Y/N…” He swayed slightly, attempting to face Y/N more. She threw out a hand to his shoulder, gripping him tightly to try and steady him.

“We went in this limousine, and they had champagne - good champagne - and I drank a bottle or so pretty quickly.”

“Or so? Oh Harry...I mean you’re free to make your own choices, but I don’t know if this was one of your best.”

“Wasn’t...wasn’t my idea. I was planning on just going back to the hotel. Then James convinced me to come out for a bit. Then the champagne was looking good so I went for it.”

“Like I said, you can make your own choices,” she patted his arm and went to the en suite bathroom to wet a washcloth to clean off his face.

“So, is it champagne on your shirt or am I going to have to go through hell to get the stain out?” She called.

Harry groaned and leaned back on the bed, fingering at the crisp white sheets. “Champagne,” he finally muttered as Y/N reappeared into the dim room, only the outside world and the light in the bathroom lighting this area.

“And on the face?”

She climbed onto the bed and kneeled beside Harry’s prone body, beginning to swipe at the smudge on his face. He tilted his head to face her, bringing the cheek with the dirt to lay facing perfectly up. His jawline showed perfectly and she felt the strength that laid beneath the skin she was washing.

His eyes flitted up to her face, trying to stop the spins he was currently experiencing. He hadn’t thought he was that drunk until he had been required to find his way up to their floor on his own.

“Lipstick?”

She sighed, running the washcloth over his cheek once more, and tried to push the image of some woman (or man who wore lipstick, she guessed) with her lips all over Harry’s face. She didn’t want to know who it was or why it was. It was too hard, especially after the day of people asking her about Harry and her relationship and insinuating things about him and his romantic life. She just liked to keep the words Harry and romance apart as much as possible, it made her life easier that way.

“It was only from-”

“It’s ok, Harry, I don’t need to know who you were…” She stopped herself, not even wanting to say ‘kissing’ or ‘snogging’ or even worse ‘shagging’. Adults were human beings and they could do a lot in an hour and a half. And again, she didn’t want to know.

“You keep doing that. Are you mad at me?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Calling me Harry, not ‘H’. Is it because you’re mad at me?”

“No,” she sighed, shifting to sit more casually, “No, I’m not mad at you. I just wasn’t expecting you to show up at my door like this. I try not to worry about you, but then when you show up like this, it kind of affirms I had reason to be concerned.”

She took a hand and smoothed over Harry’s tousled hair, he rolled his head back to face the ceiling. “Like I said, you’re an adult, capable of making his own decisions. And, I am just your stylist. I’m just glad you made it up here and knocked on my door. Probably would have given someone else a fright.”

He laughed, starting to sober up as the spinning in the room stopped. Her hands on his face and hair were soothing and sobering.

“Thank you for caring about me, love. And going beyond being just my stylist, you’re my friend Y/N.”

His eyes flickered shut and Y/N stared at his soothed features. His words were still slurred and she was sure the use of love was just his britishness slipping through his drunken state. The part about being more than a stylist, she tried to push it away, telling herself not to read more into it than her heart would like to. Even though he said she was a friend as well as a stylist and not anything more, it still sent so much joy through her body. He didn’t just see her as a work colleague and he had said it. But in his inebriated state, Y/N didn’t want to take everything he said as gospel.

She moved him up the bed with a little bit of his sleepy self’s help into a more comfortable position. It was pretty late now and she wasn’t going to kick him out. It would have been rude and unkind and that were two things Y/N rarely was. She went and grabbed the extra blanket from the cabinet and draped it over Harry’s large body for extra warmth since he refused to get under the covers. She also slipped off his boots and stained shirt per his request before getting into the other side of the bed and falling asleep.

She awoke to a shifting body beside her and she sat up confused as to who it could be. Quickly, Harry showing up drunk at her door came flooding back and she turned to look at the groaning Harry beside her. His arm was thrown over his face as he moaned, just waking up as well and experiencing the first bits of his hangover. This was going to be a long day.

“Hullo,” his voice was especially low, groggy and hoarse from the night before. He peaked over at her from behind the crook of his elbow. His eyelids barely open and his eyelashes weighing them down so much so that she could barely see his sleepy jade eyes.

“Good morning, H. Have a nice rest?” Y/N sat up and began to ready herself for the day, rummaging through her suitcase for an outfit and moving about the room.

Harry’s arms went to his sides as he worked to sit up, eyes following her figure as she moved around, seemingly not groggy very much unlike him. “Erm...I’m sorry for showing up pissed.”

“S’fine, H. Just glad you didn’t end up in a ditch or someone’s bed - someone’s that you might regret…” She barely regards him, throwing a single glance his way before shuffling to the bathroom to change. She knows they’ll be photographed today, it’s almost inevitable right now. Everyone knows Harry is in New York and people are buzzing to see him after his performance last night. She slips on the 70s inspired dress, the v-neck and long sleeves settling perfectly on her frame, it hugs her curves and lands around mid-thigh. Rolling on the bold mustard yellow tights and strapping up the brown leather mary jane heels, she looks herself over in the mirror. She then tries to tame her hair and do the rest of her routine, knowing she needed to get on with the day, shopping first and flying home second. Making sure Harry was okay was also on that list, but she couldn’t pretend like she wasn’t a little disappointed in him after last night.

When she returns, Harry is sitting with his legs hanging off the edge of the bed, head hanging as he’s hunched over himself. “C’mon, you gotta get going, kid. Lots to do today.” She’s pacing over to Harry’s deflated figure to pick him up and prompt him to get moving. When she arrives by his side his head lifts and his now more awake eyes stare up at her.

“I’m sorry for yesterday, really. I mean it.”

“I told you already. It’s fine.”

“It’s not - or it wasn’t. You called me ‘Harry’ last night. I don’t think I’ve heard you call me that to my face since we started working together. I took your answer last night because I was swimming in it, but now, thinking about it. I know you were upset.”

She huffs, taking a seat beside Harry on the bed, choosing to not look at him, slightly confused why she had been so upset and why he was pushing it. “Ok, yeah I was annoyed, but I was also genuinely worried. I didn’t know you could physically get that drunk in that small amount of time. And then you show up at my door with somebody else’s…” Y/N falters, catching her slip up and deciding to fix her gaze on her shoes and their intricate design built into the leather.

“You’re upset that I had lipstick on me?” He’s trying to meet Y/N’s gaze, but her eyes are really interested in her shoes. His tone is confused, he’s trying to understand what’s going on in her mind.

She scoffs, risking a glance to Harry but then returns quickly back to her dress this time. “Please...it was just inconvenient for me, okay? Thought we were going to debrief and stayed up late for you. Then I had to take care of you after you hung out with your famous pals and I had barely even seen you all day. Felt a bit used.”

Harry shifted in the bed, turning to face her by tucking one leg beneath him. He places a hand on hers that was placed on the end of her dress. Her eyes finally meet with his and she feels her breath slightly catch in her throat. His eyes are piercing, his gaze intense, maybe even a tinge of anger. “Y/N, I would never have come to your room if I even had an inkling that this would be how you’d interpret it . Even though I was drunk, I wanted to see you, that’s why I came up here, because I wanted to be with my friend, one of my best friends, not because I just needed some pushover to care for me.”

She sighs, feeling icky still about the whole situation. She sometimes found herself in fights that she never intended, she wished she hadn’t said anything at all. But she also knew that wasn’t healthy either. Flipping her hand, she intertwines her fingers with Harry’s and smiles for the first time that morning. His expression softens at it. “Look, I’m sorry too, H. It honestly wasn’t that big of a deal, but I appreciate that you’re such a great guy and boss to want to truly apologize and make sure I’m comfortable and happy… Oh, and I promise I’ll never call you anything but H from here on out - unless you tell me otherwise.”

He cackles unabashedly at her words, before suddenly clutching at his temple with his free hand. “Fuckin’ hangover,” he mumbles. She smiles and stands up, beginning to throw his shirt and shoes from the end of the bed at him, “You need to get ready. Go pop some advil or whatever. My flights at 5 so we haven’t got all day, H.”

“There she is,” Harry grins, beginning to put back on the stained ‘Sex’ shirt.

As he hustles out of the room, shoes in hand, she calls to him one last request, “When you’re in fresh clothes make sure you bring me that stained shirt. Gonna have to spot clean it when I’m back in London!”

“Of course! And we’ll debrief as we shop, yeah?”

“Yes!”

The two of them were shouting to each other as the door continued to close on them. Chuckling to herself, she begins to pack up her room, knowing she had to check out before they left. Her spirits already lifted, she doesn’t even notice as she throws Harry’s forgotten Bode jacket into her suitcase with some other items that had been on her chair. She wouldn’t notice it until she was back in London unpacking from the trip.

Shutting the case, she springs back up from her crouched position and walks to look in the full length mirror again. Her fingers run the length of her dress, leafing over the slightly darker brown embroidered flowers that were woven into the tan fabric. She squints as she turns sideways and pops a heel up behind her. It looks good, but something is missing. Rummaging through her carry-on she pulls out her old butterfly bandana she used as a head scarf and begins to fix it into place on her head. Placing large sunglasses on the bridge of her nose, she feels like the look is complete and gives herself some poses in the mirror; a peace sign, an air kiss, a Marilyn Monroe. She laughs at herself.

A knock on the door shakes her from her childish fun. Straightening up, Y/N saunters over to the door, swinging it open with ease. “H?”

“You ready?” Harry stands in a fresh pair of Marni trousers paired with a striped orange and mauve Marni sweater. He, like Y/N, had this thing about wearing the brand you planned to shop at. He didn’t always stick to his rule, but he usually didn’t like to wear Gucci when he shopped at Gucci.

“Yeah, just need to check out and drop my baggage at the front to be held for later.” Y/N slips through the door and notes how his outfit compliments hers. She wouldn’t mention it, but it's something to think about since he had known what she was wearing. She wasn’t sure why she noticed things like that, if asked, her answer would probably be that it was the stylist in her, just her job.

Stepping out of a black town car on the side street next to Gucci to go in the side entrance would never get old for Y/N. She had never really enjoyed the idea of fame, but from a young age she had known she wanted to be able to afford the finer things in life. Going into the Gucci store now, especially with Harry, was like going to the candy store once you’re a grown up and can buy whatever you want rather than what your parents will allow you to.

Today, Harry and Y/N didn’t have as much time as they would usually like to spend in the store, but they were just happy to be doing what they loved. Y/N had been ecstatic to find out Harry found shopping to be an essential part of his life and that he liked to do his outfit shopping in person rather than online. Trying on clothes and picking out things you liked just was so much more fulfilling when you were in the physical store. Then make that all happen with Harry Styles as the buyer, then it was a real party. The stores liked to pull out their Champagne and clear the store to allow him privacy, specifically when it was for clothes for projects under wraps. In the beginning of her employment, it was only ever Harry who would do the trying on of clothes, but as the two of them got acquainted and comfortable with each other, she found herself trying things Harry would pick out for her. At first, she would veto some items saying they were too expensive for her, but eventually she learned that her new salary covered whatever it was. She had always enjoyed designer labels and choosing to be a stylist meant she had nice clothes, but only working for Harry had caused her closet to double in size and triple in value.

“So we are looking for some trousers today,” she tells the worker at the store, reminding them of what she had already called ahead about. The employee nods and proceeds to lead them into the room where they had laid out an assortment of pants for Harry to pick from.

“What do you think of these?” Harry walks out and strikes a pose, popping one of his hips to the side and his hands on his hips. The pants strain around his thighs, but fit practically perfectly everywhere else. His slim waist is perfectly encircled by the fabric and he’s decided the sweater he was wearing didn’t match them and he’d rather go shirtless. This choice technically should allow her to solely focus on the pants, but it actually makes her focus that much more diverted. She makes a spinning motion with her pointer finger as she purses her lips. He takes a quick spin and the boot cut slightly flares with his movement. The pants are a dark brown with a single plaid crossing in a lighter brown. They are only lightly flared, which she prefered to the extreme flare that some of Harry’s suits had. She narrows her eyes at the pants to keep her gaze from shifting to the taut muscles of Harry’s arms and torso or the dark ink that licked over his skin in the beautiful designs of his choice.

“They’re nice,” she pulls up a picture of the top part of the outfit he was planning on wearing, “Do you think they match with this though?” Harry walks over to her seated position and bends to look at her phone. His skin radiates heat and the smell of his cologne and she sniffles slightly with her sensitive nose. His eyes flicker to her face when he notices her little noise, but returns to looking at the phone when she doesn’t spare him a glance. She felt his gaze on her, but couldn’t bring herself to look from the phone. She knew his proximity would make it even harder for her to keep her eyes off his naked torso. The expensive smell of Harry mixed with the expensive smell of the store was a lot to handle.

“Yeah...no. You think they’re not right,” she widens her eyes at Harry’s words when he pulls away. He turns to the mirror in the open dressing room and fiddles with the waistline of the pants. “I agree,” he finishes before stalking back into the room and shutting the heavy velvet curtain that worked as the door to it.

He tries on five more pairs of trousers and finally settles on two pairs for the two different listening parties. A heavier, wool-tweed pair that was dark brown and then a lighter brown tweed pair. He was still in the lighter pants as he stared into the mirror. He beckoned to Y/N, and she quickly set down the flute of Champagne she had been sipping at lazily as he admired himself.

“Is it possible for you to take it in a bit more,” he says in a hushed tone to her, not wanting the workers to overhear. They were helpful but if they overheard they would wait for the store to tailor the trousers and he preferred for Y/N to do it. He rubs at the waistline again and she moves closer, her hands going to his sides. Her fingertips graze the naked skin above the trousers and Harry shivers at the coldness of the new touch. She ghosts softly over the waistline herself and smooths the fabric until she’s pinching a small amount on each side. She hums, pulling back from Harry and looking at the fit of them now, examining whether that makes them look better.

Then she nods and smiles up at Harry, “Ever the slender waist,” he grins right back as she admires him. She knew how much he liked praise and she was happy to give it to him, especially when he was so deserving. “I’d say size down, but then your thighs and bum might strain the fabric too much.” His face turns to a smirk as she blushes at her words. She releases the fabric and takes a hand to pat Harry’s smooth chest before walking back to her seat on the lovely couch.

“You sure you don’t want to try anything on, Y/N? Saw some killer boots when we walked in that screamed you.” Harry calls from behind the curtain, presumably getting redressed. Her laugh comes through the curtain slightly muffled, yet still a sweet melody in Harry’s ears.

“Definitely not now, we’re leaving any minute. Plus, I’ve got plenty of Gucci boots, don’t even show me them or I’ll be tempted.”

His laughter rings through the curtains, loud and unrestrained. She smiles to herself, unable to discourage the pleasure that weaves through her at the sound. His presence in all the different ways she experienced it was instantly comforting.

When she arrives back to her London flat, she practically flops on her couch once she’s inside the door. Her luggage forgotten at the door, as she shrugs off her coat. It was around 7 am because she had chosen to take the red eye for some reason. She groaned as she thought about the day ahead of her. Even though Harry was halfway across the globe, she still had plenty of work to do. She had to finalize the outfits for the listening parties now that they had the pants to complete the looks. Then she had to start thinking about Harry’s December appearances. She had sent ahead his Late Late outfits that he had needed in Los Angeles for the pre-filming, but she still had to deal with the outfits for the live part of the show.

Today, she was set to go pick up the other pieces needed for the listening parties as well as items for the Graham Norton Show and Jingle Ball. She was most excited for her travels because that meant looking at brand new clothes that were perfect and gorgeous. She also knew she needed to spot clean Harry’s shirt, which didn’t spark as much joy in her tired mind.

The idea of the shirt staining with alcohol was what brought her out of her snuggling with her comfy couch. Sure, it couldn’t get that bad, but still she was a worrier and it would pain her if the iconic shirt got ruined. She padded back over to her luggage, now without her jacket or shoes. Her major suitcase got flipped on its side and she began to unzip it. It came open easily seeing as it was stuffed with her clothes and various items. She had to rummage a minute for Harry’s shirt that seemed to have run away inside the bag. Finally, the large white shirt made itself known and she grasped it happily.

As she looked over the stain near the collar of the shirt, her eyes traveled to a piece of fabric peeking out of her suitcase. It was a familiar blue, cream and white. A specific fabric she would never misplace, would never not recognize. Harry’s plaid Bode jacket. It was iconic and she loved it, but why did she have it in her suitcase. She definitely didn’t mean to have it, it’s genuinely just one of Harry’s jackets so it wouldn’t make sense for her to bring it back with the show's wardrobe. She tries to think back to yesterday, when she was still in New York. Thinking about why she would have it, she places the memories of Harry coming to her room, taking off his coat, and accidentally leaving it in her room all fit together. She must have just absentmindedly placed it in her suitcase without even realizing. She’s sure Harry wouldn’t mind, she’d shoot him a text, though, to tell him she had it. So he wouldn’t worry about whether he’d lost it or not.

When she gets ready for the day, she finds herself being drawn to blue and cream. Her outfit is understated and she just knows the jacket would finish the look. She loved that jacket and now that she had it, would it be a big deal if she wore it out. She figured it was fine. After she grabbed her purse, keys, and other essentials, she slipped on the coat. Harry was very broad shouldered and it hung oversized on her. She loved the look and snapped a selfie in the mirror before she headed out. While it felt a little narcissistic to constantly take photos of herself, she felt like as a stylist it was important to document her looks just as much as she documented her clients.

What she didn’t think about is just how much the rest of the world liked to document her client and those who were seen with her client. She didn’t think about how she had just been seen with Harry yesterday. That thought didn’t even cross her mind as she walked around the streets of London picking up her work. As she saw some photographers out and about (whom she assumed were for famous celebrities, not her). How it might seem with her wearing the Bode jacket Harry had worn on SNL two nights ago. The Bode jacket that there were only two of.

None of it crossed her mind. Not until it was the end of the day and she had a whole slew of texts from Harry’s manager. A few from Harry, and others but the other fifteen were solely from Jeff. She was a bad texter so as she walked into her flat and finally looked at her phone after putting down all of her garment bags her eyes went wide.

Please tell me you’re not out in London right now!

What are you wearing??

That cannot be Harry’s jacket Y/N

Seriously?

Please call me.

CALL ME. NOW.

- All from Jeff.

She grimaced. The others from her friends including Harry would have to be ignored right now. Even if Harry was her boss, Jeff was who she had to deal with when it came to public appearances and it didn’t seem like she could get around this one. Normally, she never had to deal with him, but it seems today wasn’t normal.

part 2

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