#did you know? icarus too fell blazing from the sun

[7th-place]

for his own good

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha hawks #hawks #takami keigo #keigo takami #fanart #7scribble #scopophobia #SORRY I FORGOT TO TAG THAT;;;was gonna post these separately then I was like nahhh #mannn I still can’t believe he [redacted] #ugh I actually liked [redacted] too #i still love hawks tho he’s very interesting #i wanna see how he reconciles with what he’s done #bnha spoilers #? ish #xD #did you know? icarus too fell blazing from the sun

[saturndivine]

The Ferality of Mars

»»————-　➴　————-««»»————-　➴

Feral: "Existing in a wild or untamed state"

When I think of Mars, I think of the Greek god, Ares. I think of the heart pumping blood throughout the body to keep it alive. I think of passion, ferocity, and rawness. Mars is the planet of emotion, similarly to the moon but with a more sinister twist. Mars wants you to feel everything and create with that energy, Mars wants you to be overwhelmed with emotion, so much so it consumes and guides you. Mars wants you to feel everything. It is known as a Malefic Planet because of its inability to be tamed and controlled but Mars isn’t about having control, its about intuition and allowing yourself to be guided by the invisible force that encourages you to nuzzle into your most primal and authentic state and honor that part of you. 

[Yes I will be using Hozier lyrics that represent the ferality of each sign]

Aries Mars [Mars in 1st]

When I picture Aries Mars at its most feral state, I visualize a forest fire consuming everything in its path, absorbing nature to feed as fuel. With Mars in its rulership, Aries Mars has no issue releasing, guided by their heart throughout it all to overcome whatever may stand in their way. They move quickly and harshly, striking first and questioning later. You mold life into what you want it to be so there is no need for you to even plan right? As an unstoppable force, you have to let your heart take control. 

“There's no plan, there's no race to be run

The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the sun

There's no plan, there's no kingdom to come

Sit in & watch the sunlight fade, honey, enjoy its getting late

Theres no plan, theres no hand on the reign,

...As Mack explained, there will be darkness again”

Taurus Mars [Mars in 2nd]

When I picture Taurus Mars at its most feral state, I imagine a bear tearing its way through a beehive, grasping at the honeycombs and devouring it in a matter of seconds. With a venus-ruled mars or mars in detriment, you all look for the sweeter things in life and insist that you are worthy of goodness and don’t mind taking it for yourself. Conflict is stupid to you because you have your own morals and studies and firmly believe in what you desire and if anyone steps to you, you have the power to throw it right back in their face. You are the raging bull, undefeated once you’re committed. But you represent the tamer, earthy side of Mars.

“I have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me.

I have never known hunger, like these insects that feast on me.

A thousand teeth, and yours among them, I know.

Our hungers appeased, our heartbeats becoming slow.” 

Gemini Mars [Mars in 3rd]

When I picture Gemini Mars at its most feral state, I picture the rebirth that spring offers. The energy of this mars sign matches the intensity of the rising sun and falling rain that causes the flowers to blossom and fill the earth with its aroma. It is quite impossible to stop a determined Gemini, they want to leave their mark on this earth and do so in many different ways as they are indestructible, powered by the combination of their mind and their heart which creates an explosion upon collision. To get in the way of this placement is to stand in the way of the changing seasons, impossible. 

“Each day you'd rise with me, know that I would gladly be the Icarus to your certainty.

Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight.

Strap the wing to me, death trap clad happily, with wax melted, I’d meet the sea,

Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight.”

Cancer Mars [Mars in 4th]

When I picture Cancer Mars at its most feral state, I visualize the crumbling of the earth into itself, only to grow back in a healthier form. A resilient placement that can have the worst thrown at them and come back only more beautiful. In the introduction, I discussed how both Moon and Mars share a common goal but the Moon goes about it a different way, as Cancer Mars goes about martian energy in a different way as well. With mars in fall, Cancer takes the soft approach to ferality, embracing the harsh energy and converting it into tenderness. 

“And I love too, that love soon might end, 

be known in its aching, shown in the shaking,

Lately of my wasteland, baby. 

Be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking,

Though quaking, though crazy

That's just wasteland, baby.” 

Leo Mars [Mars in 5th]

When I picture Leo Mars at its most feral state I see a blinding white-hot light overcoming anyone and everyone in its path, forcing others to bend to its will simply by doing what it does naturally. As a fixed mars, Leos energy is continuous and bold, quite difficult to escape if a Leo Mars has you in their eye line. They are everywhere, they rule the heart so they rule ferality in a way, diving back into their lion roots and fully delving into the fact that they are the rulers of the jungle and rulers of the world.

“Be love in its disrepute, scorches the hillside and salts every root 

And watches the slowing and starving of troops

And, lover, be good to me.

Be there and just as you stand or be like the rose that you hold in your hand 

That will grow bold in a barren and desolate land

Oh, lover, be good to me.”

Virgo Mars [Mars in 6th]

When I picture Virgo Mars at its most feral state I can clearly gaze upon an open field, a deer nosing at grass only to be pounced on by a random predator, yet Virgo represents both the predator and the prey, enforcing balance and really honoring nature fully. Virgo Mars is one of the most ferocious and determined martian placement because they understand how to use the life around them to their advantage. Failure is impossible because they are always ten steps ahead of everyone else. They understand balance, both aggressiveness, and peacefulness. 

“With the war of the fire, my heart moves to its feet

Like the ashes of ash, I saw eyes in the heat

Feel it soft and as pure as snow, fell in love with the fire long ago

With each love I could lose, I was never the same

Watch it still live in roofs, be consumed by the flame

I was fixed on your hand of gold, laying waste of my lovin' long ago”

Libra Mars [Mars in 7th]

When I picture Libra Mars at its most feral state, I see a person walking into a mossy lake only to never come out again. There is a slight underestimation when people first get to know the Libra Mars.  This martian placement matches up with tricky Aphrodite, Libra mars has secrets they dont want unturned, they have a hidden past that they want to be kept to themselves because they are never the people they were a few moments ago. They are evolving and healing, rubbing soil on their open wounds to grow into a new version of themselves. 

“I had a thought, dear, however scary about that night, the bugs and the dirt.

Why were you digging? What did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth?

I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you. 

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.” 

Scorpio Mars [Mars in 8th]

When I picture Scorpio Mars at its most feral state, there is a black burning tree in the middle of the falling snow, crackling and popping and falling to the pieces onto blankets of snow only to keep burning. Mars takes a different approach in this rulership, it is calculated, ready, and sure of whatever move is to be made as if it has been practiced for quite some time. There is no defeating a Scorpio mars, only succumbing, bending to its will, and praying that they will take mercy on your soul. 

“If I was born as a blackthorn tree, I'd wanna be felled by you, held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies.

Ain't it warming you, the world gone up in flames?

Ain't it the life you, your lighting of the blaze?

Ain't it a waste they'd watch the throwing of the shade?

Ain't you my baby, ain't you my babe?”

Sagittarius Mars [Mars in 9th]

When I picture Sagittarius Mars at its most feral state, I see the serpent in the garden of Eden sliding on its belly and offering an option of freedom, going against the grain of submissiveness. Sagittarius Mars tends to ooze this raw sex appeal that stems from their confidence & their need to question the life around them, never satisfied by what is given to them, instead they leave their own mark on the world before them by embracing individuality and moving along their own path. 

“I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found. 

I'd be the choiceless hope in grief that drove him underground.

I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee that made him turn around.

And I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice,

Imagine being loved by me.” 

Capricorn Mars [Mars in 10th]

When I picture Capricorn Mars at its most feral state, I imagine the fall of an empire, a civilization, a society, forced to come to terms with the fact that its reign has come to an end. Mars in exalt, arguably one of the most powerful placements to have in the natal chart, there isn’t a way to prevent the energy of a Capricorn Mars, they are backed by Saturn, two malefic energies combining to create an unbeatable power and manifesting as strength in the native who claims this energy. 

“It's the light, and it's the obstacle that casts it

It's the heat that drives the light, It's the fire it ignites,

It's not the waking, it's the rising.

It's not the song, it is the singing.

It's the heaven of a human spirit ringing.

It is the bringing of the line, It is the bearing of the rhyme

It's not the waking, it's the rising.”

Aquarius Mars [Mars in 11th]

When I picture Aquarius Mars at its most feral state, I visualize a group of nude women, dancing around an intense fire, the full moon shining only for them as they howl out into the wind. Aquarius Mars is a placement that understands how to honor their roots and get back in touch with themselves to move to the future. They use their past to propel them into new opportunities and to become a higher version of themselves. There is no obstructing this futuristic placement, eyes steady on the prize that remains up ahead. 

“When you move, I can recall something that's gone from me

When you move honey, I'm put in awe of something so flawed and free.

So move me, baby, shake like the bough of a willow tree,

You do it naturally, move me, baby.” 

Pisces Mars [Mars in 12th]

When I picture Pisces Mars at its most feral state, I envision a floating sailor, sinking in with each song that leaves the siren’s voice only to realize that it is too late as the last of air leaves their lungs and they now become one with the siren. Pisces Mars has the gift of “innocence” that people project onto them and they understand how to use it to their advantage and come out on top. Deception is a mastered tool but doesn’t negate the fact that they are simply seductive and persuasive and hold power that many are unaware of. They should continue to move carefully and use their “faults” to their benefit. 

“Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, 

I lay my heart down with the rest at her feet.

Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile

It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet. 

In leash-less confusion, I'll wander the concrete,

Wonder if better now having survived.

The jarring of judgment and reason's defeat. 

The sweet heat of her breath in my mouth; I'm alive.”

Link to Website [Services, Blog, & More!]

#aries mars #taurus mars #gemini mars #cancer mars #leo mars #virgo mars #libra mars #scorpio mars #sagittarius mars #capricorn mars #aquarius mars #pisces mars #Zodiac Signs #astrology #astrology memes

[saintchaser]

here's what they don't tell you: icarus laughed as he fell

they grabbed regulus and dragged him under. he was going to die, he was sure of it. and, in some way or another, it was a part of a plan.

he had taken into consideration the idea he might never return.

threw his head back and yelled into the winds

he took one last breath and he went down, under the water. it was cold, colder than anything regulus had ever experienced.

colder than his mother's screams or the disapproving glares of his father and the one last hug from sirius.

arms spread wide, teeth bared to the world

if the noble house of black, all of them would have only known that regulus had betrayed them. after sirius ran away, he had to keep his head up. keep an appearance. clean the dust off your family's name and make them proud they are wearing the name, an heirloom entirely, that some had recanted, tainted, thrown away like it was merely nothing.

but it wasn't. it lurked behind you even after you cast it away, like a shadow. you never get rid of it, it follows you everywhere, silently, whispering words of hatred and disgust at the person you have always wished ardently to be

(there's a bitter triumph in crashing when you should be soaring.)

in the last minutes, that was regulus thought about. he was nothing better than sirius. but he didn't want to be, because sirius was who he aimed to be one day. he would have loved to know that being brave felt like.

and the last thing that regulus wanted was sirius to be proud of him. but he was going to die alone, and his brother would never know about the sacrifice, about switching sides. about anything.

the wax scorched his skin,

ran blazing trails down his back, his thighs, his ankles, his feet.

the inferis slow, sinuous hands cut through regulus' fragile skin. burning, gripping at the flesh, a last scream for vengeance of a betrayed master.

feathers floated like prayers past his fingers, close enough to snatch back.

the blood around him didn't even scare him anymore.

it did, when it was sirius' and their screams echoed around the house.

it did, when it was james and lily's and they were tired and in pain.

it did, when it was from his shoulder where his mother was gripping at his shoulder a bit too harshly, a reminder to not mess up what already was.

it did, when it came with a burn and a dark mark.

but right now, it didn't anymore, because he knew what was coming.

death breathed burning kisses against his shoulders, where the wings joined the harness.

it was going to come to an end, just like everything else.

and in his opinion he deserved it, because he had hurt people and looked them mercilessly in the eyes and killed them, all for nothing. everything was in vain, and now he was in the arms of his lovers, a comfort, a preparation for what follows.

regulus closed his eyes.

the sun painted everything in shades of gold.

everything went black, like during the night, for one last time.

regulus drifted off one last time, into the sleep of forever.

(there is a certain beauty in setting the world on fire and watching from the centre of the flames.)

#gore tw #death tw #mentioned murder tw #the italic-bold words are from the poem 'icarus laughed as he fell' #now #*goes back to lurking from the shadows* #jegulily #(mentioned) #regulus black #regulus black angst #my writing #sobbing shaking crying

[hqamore]

boreal star ✵ a preview

general kirigan’s past has always been shrouded in secrets. what if one of those secrets step out of the shadows to sabotage his plans? 

series genre: romance & angst

series pairing: [past?] general kirigan (the darkling/aleksander) x reader

preview word count: 607

note: hello! i just watched shadow and bone and was obsessed with the story and the characters. i heard some people on ao3 aren’t overly fond of self-insert/oc stories, so i thought i would try my luck on tumblr. let me know your thoughts!

here’s the masterlist

people will always fear what they do not understand and, when people are consumed with fear, they are blinded to answers that would bring them clarity.

a never-ending cycle the grisha are caged in. but, for moments, the grisha saw a light.

aleksander morozova was a blazing fire shrouded in the shadows of greatness. he was a burning star that one could not bear to get too close to lest they wish to fall as icarus had.

every breath you planned to take, he stole with every blinding smile that graced his lips.

the countrymen could scream and riot, “black heretic!”

it would only fall on your deaf ears. for how could they perceive such a man as so radical and evil? he only ever sought to protect others from the oppression of their reality. he fought at the side of the king and now his people. he should be revered, not forsaken!

at least, that’s what you had initially believed when you had gazed upon the darkling, a god amongst mortals.

“we cannot expose you to the world, [y/n]. you are our ultimate protector. you protect the people when there is protecting to be done. and... you are also my most precious hope. i do not want to acquaint myself with the pain that comes with losing you.”

it was the sweet caresses and soft affirmations that drew you in. all was hopeless for you without him. he was your everything as you were his until you realized you weren’t. the gap between him and you grew colder, starved, though your vision became clearer, sharpened.

after hundreds of years by his side, you could not say you believed anything that left his silver tongue anymore. you could not listen to the ambrosia-soaked promises he fed to his soldiers. you could not bear to witness as each grisha was forced to be a pawn in aleksander’s play for power.

so, with the help of baghra, you ran. you ran as far as your money would take you. you did not fear retribution because how could a ghost be labeled as a traitor?

when your funds grew shallow, you found yourself in a remote village in shu han. as luck would have it, your racially ambiguous appearance made you welcome — more or less.

the initial responses to your presence were ambivalent. though, as long as you continued to slander ravka, the shu couldn’t be bothered to throw you out. obviously, you hid your grisha nature whilst subtly practicing it as much as possible to stave off weakness.

interestingly, the monsoons were quite endless due to the perpetual summer in shu han. but, as if being blessed by the saints above, all the buildings and trees stayed put. the village people fell upon their knees after each one, praising their generous saints, while you were able to let out a sigh of relief. practicing your gravity manipulation was a big risk in shu han but the village people wouldn’t ask too many questions if it benefited them.

the next thirty years were quaint. you were able to live peacefully. that is until you caught wind of a sun summoner. and, just like that, your peace came to a close.

would aleksander whisper the same nothings to this sun summoner? would this sun summoner fall on their knees at the darkling’s manipulative prowess? would you see another lose so much of themselves to a false deity?

not in this life, not if you could help it.

thus, you packed your belongings and set out for the little palace. it is time the grisha found themselves a gravity summoner.

continue to chapter one? yes

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan imagine #the darkling x reader #aleksander morozova x reader #grishaverse fanfiction #shadow and bone fanfiction #the darkling imagine #boreal star

[rikorene]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮. // ushijima wakatoshi [reader insert]

EDITED: OCTOBER 21, 2020

synopsis: supporting and loving him unconditionally was something that you did to him as if it was second nature. he was like the sun, unreachable, warm, too warm almost blazing hot. you, icarus, flee too close to the sun, and it all ended up in flames.

genre: angst, fluff (slight). idk man just one big sAD. ily ushijima 😔✊

note: this setting took place in you and ushijima's first year at shiratorizawa. lower case letters everywhereee hhh.

wakatoshi

you had known the young giant since middle school, on your last year in middle school you had been asked to be ushijima's girlfriend by himself.

not caring if you were too young, you agreed and dated him.

he was soft, a literal puppy. would always show small gestures of appreciation because you knew that ushijima couldn't exactly voice them out, he respected you as an individual and loved you unconditionally despite dedicating most of his time to volleyball.

but you understood that, and it was okay.

you appreciated the small things that ushijima did for you. holding open doors, taking your bag and carrying it himself, always leaving your favorite drink inside your bag in case you needed it, he also sticks notes in your textbooks for a motivation boost

"good luck, you can do it."

was often what was written on the notes with a small heart on the side. and you appreciated that, it made your heart swell with delight to know that ushijima cared about your education as well and that pushed you to studying even harder.

you both made it to shiratorizawa highschool, you being in a college prep class and ushijima being in the next.

you both knew that ushijima would dedicate his life to volleyball, and you supported it. you went to his after school training sessions to help out with handing the towels and water bottles. coach washijo didn't mind, in fact, it was refreshing to see that someone did those things without expecting anything in return.

the volleyball team adored you.

it was fine in your first years in highschool, you've been dating ushijima for a over year now, everyone knew that. no one dared to interfere with what you and ushijima have.

you knew ushijima loved volleyball more than anything else, some would say that he loved volleyball more than you.

but you didn't care, it never bothered you.

it was late at night, you were waiting on the steps outside of the gym for ushijima who was overworking himself once more, it had been always like this since you first started dating. but these days, the distance between the two of you grew. phsyically and emotionally.

but you still held on. you absolutely love him.

semi gave you a sympathetic smile as he walked past you with a few members of the volleyball team, you replied with a wave and a smile. it has been a tiring day.

after seeing the volleyball team leave and give you smiles of sympathy and concern, you stayed behind, waiting for ushijima outside the gym.

everyone knew how the two of you grew apart and you trying to make up for it, it's been going on for a month and a half now. they knew how tired you've been and how much you needed to rest. but you see, you still held onto what was once you believed to be love.

soon enough, with your head in between your knees, the sound of balls hitting the walls and floor stopped. you looked to the side and saw ushijima staring at you with those cold and unfamiliar eyes that no longer held warmth.

"what are you still doing here?" he asked, wiping his face with a towel.

"i was waiting for you" you said as you stood up and smiled at him, he replied with a stare and sighed, walking out of the gym with his bag and locked the door.

you followed him from behind and waited in front of the club room door. usually, ushijima never made you wait, since he lived in the dorms with you, he would usually walk you to your room and leave with a kiss. but for the past month, he hardly even looked at you in the halls.

of course it made you upset that he didn't give you the attention that you wanted, but you understood him, and you loved him anyway.

"we need to talk."

his deep voice cut through the silence of the night, you were snapped out of your thoughts and looked at him with a small smile.

"sure, what is it?" you asked, you had a gut feeling that he would say something that would affect you badly, but you quickly kicked the thought away.

"you should let go."

there was suddenly a painful ringing in your ears. you blinked up at him, still leaning against the wall. you couldn't even process the things he was saying right now.

"we've been holding onto nothing for a month now, the guilt is suffocating. seeing you wait even after curfew and for what?"

all these days and weeks that passed made your heart ache, he no longer gave you small notes with heartfelt messages, he no longer sneak candy or small food inside of your bag before going to class, he no longer looked at you with love.

you know that more than anyone. more than ushijima himself.

he was tired. you were tired as well.

sometimes he would give you rude or cold remarks whenever you tried talking to him, he dismissed you often, keeping himself busy.

"i think it's best if i focus on my career, and you focus on yours."

"i care about you and your well-being. so please."

"let's just let go."

you finally snapped out of it, blinking when ushijima was in front of you now. slowly, you held his hands. it was cold.

you didn't mind.

disregarding the fact that it was cold, you put his hands on your cheeks and looked up at him with a sad smile.

"one last request, please?" you asked, keeping yourself together. ushijima sighed and nodded, looking at you.

"please tell me that you love me."

you pleaded with tears brimming from the side of your eyes, you refused to cry in front of him. yet your ears were red as you held it in.

maybe it was for the best. just maybe.

"even if you don't mean it, even if it's a lie, it's fine. just please."

you leaned into his touch, your hands slightly trembling holding into ushijima's larger ones that you held place on your cheeks that grew warm.

"tell me that you love me, just one last time, please, even if it’s fake."

you mumbled, ushijima sighed, he knew that it was hurting you. he wanted to become the person that his father couldn't be when his father was in highschool. he wanted to fulfill his dream.

he knew of no other way but to give up his time on one thing, but he never knew how it would effect his emotions if he chose volleyball over you.

"i love you."

you forced out a smile and let go of his hands, he still kept his hands on your cheeks, seeking warmth.

"i love you too, toshi." you replied. he leaned closer and kissed your forehead.

just one last time. he thought to himself and pulled away.

you smiled, propping yourself off of the wall and walked away, ushijima stared at your retreating figure.

and your first tear fell onto the ground signalling the end of your first love.

part ii. 

#ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #reader insert #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smut #haikyuu angst #ushijima wakatoshi angst #ushijima #wakatoshi #sad shit #angst #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu hc #haikyuu au #haikyuu reader insert #without you

[elsanna-shenanigans]

August Contest Submission #10: in my chest, a garden made for you

Words: ca. 6,000 Setting: Canon Divergent Lemon: no CW: Brief mention of blood, angst

—————————————————————

Elsa was three years old when her world changed forever. 

It was high summer, and the castle had reached a fever pitch of frenetic activity as the entire kingdom awaited the birth of the queen’s second child. Her labor was longer and more fraught than that of her first child, the crown princess; Elsa was an easy baby from the moment she came into the world as Arendelle’s heir.

The princess sat quietly in her room with a nursemaid while they waited for news. When the king came to get her hours later, Elsa took her father’s hand, a strange premonition building with each step closer to her parents’ room. 

Her mother was propped up in bed, looking drained but radiant. Instantly, Elsa’s eyes were riveted to the swaddled bundle in the queen’s arms. Her hand fell from her father’s grip, and she padded up to the bed in hushed anticipation. The bundle was titled towards her so she could see, and a scrunched little face with a head of bright, strawberry blonde hair came into view. 

“Her name is Anna. She’s your little sister, Elsa.”

Elsa held out a hand, pushing up on her tiptoes to reach one impossibly small fist, gently running a finger over the baby soft knuckles in awe. She gasped; those miniature digits moved, wrapping themselves around Elsa’s finger and holding tight. 

Elsa felt her world shift, and something in her young heart knew in that moment she would never be so taken with another.

—————————————————————

Elsa was nineteen when her world changed forever, again. 

Golden summer light streamed through the castle kitchens, adding to the humid warmth from recently used ovens. Lunch was being served upstairs, leaving it perfectly deserted for a pair of princesses who were sneaking off for a secret lunch of their own. 

Elsa set aside a couple fastelavnsbolle from one of the dessert platters, hesitating for a moment before plucking out another. Anna’s appetite had always surpassed hers; all of that natural exuberance required more fuel. The cardamon flavored buns were cut in half and filled with whipped cream— one of Anna’s favorites. 

She jumped when there came a bang, followed by a muffled ‘ouch’ that echoed from the one of the store rooms. The one where Anna was currently searching for the cook’s private stash of chocolate.

Elsa paused. “Are you alright?” She called softly. 

Anna’s head appeared from behind the pantry door. “Yup! Totally fine, nothing to worry about over here!” She eyed something inside— probably whatever had fallen. “Pretty sure those dents will come out,” she muttered under her breath. 

An eyebrow inched up Elsa’s forehead and her lips twitched fighting a smirk. “Just try not to make it too obvious we’ve been here, please,” she said, her voice leaking exasperated fondness. 

“Don’t worry Elsa, it’ll be like I was never even here. A ghost.” She waved a hand in front of her face, fingers wiggling. “Poof.”

Elsa snorted delicately, more of a forceful exhale through her nose, and gave her sister a pointed look. 

Sunlight caught Anna’s face as she smiled back innocently, burnishing her hair and illuminating her freckles, flashing more green than blue in her eyes. She glowed as if the sun had sought her out, or perhaps, and more likely, that radiance simply came from Anna, as she gave Elsa a cheeky salute and ducked back into the pantry. 

Elsa shook her head, smiling softly to herself. 

She had just finished wrapping the smørbrød with smoked salmon when she felt an odd ache in her chest. Elsa frowned and brought a hand up to rub at her sternum. Brushing it off, she continued packing the rest of their picnic. Not a minute later, an itch sprang to life in the back of her throat. That was Elsa’s only warning before she was coughing roughly into her palm, and pulling something from her mouth. 

She looked down and froze. 

A petal, blush pink, lay in her palm. Alien and accusatory, it looked like an omen in a language she had never seen before. There was no time to begin questioning how and why; a rustling from Anna’s direction had Elsa snapping her fingers closed, the silken flower petal crumpling in her fist. She slipped it into the folds of her skirt, knowing without knowing how she knew that this was not something she could share. With anyone. 

Anna reappeared, concern pinching her face. “You okay Elsa?”

Elsa cleared her throat with a quick smile. “Perfectly.” She uncurled her fingers and let the petal fall to the bottom of her pocket, masking the tremor in her hands by fiddling with the tablecloth in the picnic basket. Tying off the corners over their food, she glanced up at Anna, who still hadn’t moved. “Well?”

Her sister blinked. “Well what?”

“I don’t see any chocolate.”

Anna rolled her eyes with a grin and ducked back inside. “Yeah yeah, hold your horses your highness, I’ll get you your chocolate.” 

Elsa chuckled, but the mirth slipped from her face as soon as Anna was out of sight.

She shivered and rubbed at her chest again. 

It no longer felt warm in the kitchen. 

—————————————————————

It was six months before Elsa found another petal on her tongue. 

She was troubled by the occasional tickle in her throat, sometimes a lingering congestion, but for a while everything seemed normal and she could almost forget the strange thing that happened on that summer afternoon in the kitchen. 

Elsa’s twentieth birthday came and went, and so too did any illusions that the first petal had been a fluke. 

One morning, in early spring, she woke from a dream she couldn’t remember with a petal in her mouth. After that, one appeared every few weeks, until she could no longer deny the truth. 

Something was growing in her lungs. 

—————————————————————

It was becoming obvious to everyone that something was not right. 

The unease in Anna’s eyes deepened every time she had to supply a fresh handkerchief, or ran to fetch a glass of water, or rubbed soothing circles over Elsa’s back. 

Their parents had finally summoned the royal physician. He would be there first thing in the morning. 

Elsa stared up at the canopy of her bed, heart pulsing with dread. 

She thought of her last fit— the one in the library. Curled up on the plush loveseat with Anna tucked into her side, Elsa had been reading from an anthology of old fairytales. Anna had looped an arm through Elsa’s, leaning her head on Elsa’s shoulder with a sleepy sigh. She’d only made it through two pages after that before her lungs seized and Elsa had to excuse herself. 

Before that had been during a state dinner. To escape boredom, Anna had resurrected an old game: first one to smile lost. Her tried and (mostly) true method was to make increasingly absurd faces at Elsa when no one was looking. Elsa rarely lost, but that night she’d cracked, fingers shielding her lips to avoid offending the present company with an inappropriate smirk. Except it wasn’t a giggle that came out of her mouth next, but a cough. With a few murmured apologies, Elsa was gone, necessity forcing her to duck into an empty room to clear her lungs. 

Elsa worried her lip, trying to remember the last time her lungs had bothered her when her sister wasn’t around. She came up blank. 

Could …proximity to Anna be making her worse? 

The idea was impossible, absolutely ridiculous, and yet…

Elsa thought of her sister. Anna. Little Sun- the king called her- Arendelle’s summer princess. Full of relentless enthusiasm and joy, who had a kind word for everyone she met and would go out of her way to help anyone who needed it. Any situation was made better, simply for her being there. Anna was loyal and selfless and fierce and sweet.  

She thought of the way their hands fit just right, like when Anna reached for Elsa’s because she had something to show her and couldn’t contain her excitement. How she rambled with passion about whatever caught her interest, or stuttered adorably when she was flustered. The way her freckles accentuated the charming slope of her nose, or the appealing silhouette she made in her dresses. The way her lips…

Elsa convulsed, her body curling into a ball as a bright flare of pain twisted in her chest. When it passed, she was left gasping raggedly, clutching a fist full of petals. A flood of horror turned her stomach.  

When had she started feeling that way about her own sister?

How could this have happened?

Fingers twisting in the fabric of her nightgown over her heart, Elsa thought suddenly of Icarus. Was there a moment he’d missed, a sign he had ignored that could have stopped the undoing of his ambitious flight? When the sun seared a warning into his skin as the wax began to soften? Or was there no discernible line between safe and deadly, between one moment and the next before he was plummeting towards earth, crashing to the swallowing sea in a blaze of feather and flame?

Plants need the sun to grow.

Like Icarus before her, Elsa had flown too close to her sun.

She turned her face into the pillow, and wept. 

—————————————————————

The royal physician pulled the dressing gown closed over Elsa’s chest, a frown tugging at the wrinkles bracketing his mouth. He removed the stethoscope and set it on the bed, where it lay, limp and sinuous as a snake. Rocking back in his seat, he chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment, then turned to address the monarchs who stood on the opposite side of the bed. 

“There is an… obstruction in her lungs.”

The king and queen shared a look, distress painting their features. 

“An obstruction?” Elsa’s mother wrung her hands fretfully. “What does that mean, what kind of obstruction—”

“—can it be removed?” Her father’s deeper baritone interrupted. 

“Is it contagious?”

“Is it consumption?”

The physician held up a hand. “Forgive me, your majesties, I wish I had more answers to give but…” he glanced at Elsa. She stared at the patterns in her comforter, spine rigid, hands folded primly in her lap. “At the moment I don’t know more than that. All we can do for now is continue to monitor her, make sure her diet is healthy, and see that she gets fresh air and sunlight.” 

Elsa flinched. 

“It may go away on its own,” he added. 

The look on his face said he doubted that very much. 

—————————————————————

Their parents were reluctant at first, but eventually Elsa convinced them that isolation was the safest option for everyone, including Anna. At least, she reasoned, until they could be sure she wasn’t contagious. 

For a little while, things seemed to improve. Less coughing, fewer petals. If the staff caught Anna lingering outside her door they were instructed to shoo her along; Elsa tried not to hear the desperate cajoling and entreating as their voices faded down the hallway, leaving behind a cavernous silence and an even larger ache. Breathing marginally easier afterwards was the smallest of comforts. 

Most days, it really wasn’t a comfort at all.

It became a concerted effort to keep Anna occupied and away from Elsa, but that didn’t mean there weren’t nights when Anna camped outside her door anyway. In hushed tones she’d tell Elsa about her day, what she thought about her studies, the latest gossip she’d overheard— anything she could think of to draw Elsa into conversation. When those nightly monologues were interrupted by more frequent bouts of coughing, Anna reluctantly conceded her sister wasn’t fit enough for visits. 

Letters and notes started appearing under Elsa’s door instead. 

Elsa tried to keep herself busy with her own studies, tried to keep thoughts of her sister as far from her conscious mind as possible— when she wasn’t inundated with endearing slips of parchment containing every thought Anna wanted to share. 

Dreams however, were out of her control.

The petals she occasionally found on her pillow in the morning made that abundantly clear. 

A year went by and still, Elsa tried. 

—————————————————————

It’s been such a perfect summer and we’ve had so little rain, I can’t help spending every possible moment outside. But then I remember that you’re in there, sick and miserable, and I feel awful that I’m enjoying things you can’t. Remember when we used to sneak out and have picnics by the fjord? Gosh it really sent Kai and Gerda into fits didn’t it? Don’t think I never noticed how you always packed more dessert for me, or claimed you couldn’t finish so I could have yours. 

I’m sure you know mother and father are leaving next week for that coronation down south on the continent. I bet the summers in Corona are even warmer. Maybe when you’re better we can go,  just the two of us! You’re twenty one now, plenty old enough for us to travel alone. Apparently the princess is around our age, though I guess she’ll be the queen soon. 

I wish I could see you Elsa, I don’t even care that I might get sick. I just miss you. 

—————————————————————

Their parents went to sea and never came back.

Anna attended the funeral alone. 

Elsa lay in bed, sheets strewn with handkerchiefs and the corollas of a flower she still had no name for. Her tears had been exhausted and she stared listlessly out the window at grey skies heavy with unspent rain. Emptiness carved a cavernous hole inside her, hollowing out all other feeling.  

Except, that wasn’t exactly true. Guilt slithered inside her, making its presence felt lest she forget her sickness was adding to Anna’s pain.The one thing that might give them both a measure of comfort— finding solace in one another — Elsa’s curse prevented. The one thing she wanted so badly to do was the one thing she couldn’t, because she wanted it so badly. She couldn’t hold Anna, or dry her tears, or squeeze her hand as they stood at their parents’ empty graves and the last rights were spoken. 

She was bound to her bed with a corrupted heart and damaged lungs, useless. 

Anna came to her room late that night. She sat with her back to the door, not speaking a word. Frozen between fear and longing, Elsa waited. Eventually, her sister slumped over and fell asleep, right there in the hallway. Elsa stumbled out of bed and sank to the floor, the unforgiving hardwood digging into one hip as she lay facing the gap between them. It was only about an inch, but she could see a swatch of black fabric and the red of Anna’s hair, muted in the darkness. She was still in her mourning dress from the funeral.

Elsa splayed one hand flat on the floor as close to the crack under the door as she dared. Close enough to touch, almost. She watched the rhythm of her sister’s breathing until sleep pulled her under. 

When she woke there was an entire flower beside her lips, and Anna was gone. 

—————————————————————

For a while, there were no notes or letters.  

And so, for the first time in more than a year, Elsa wrote Anna back. It no longer mattered that it cost her more petals and sometimes an entire flower, she just needed Anna know she’d been listening, that she was still there. Regardless of her… illness, Anna deserved more than silence. 

It only took a few days for Anna to respond. Soon they were writing nearly every day. 

With her letters, Elsa began including flowers. Kai or Gerda were gracious enough to fetch them from the garden, which had been cultivated rather extensively under their mother’s direction. One of the books she’d kept since those first frantic searches in the library was a piece of literature called The Language of Flowers. Elsa had read it so often that she knew the illustrations and their corresponding meanings by heart. 

So, when she could, Elsa added an extra sentiment to her letters, a veiled meaning that Anna would never guess at. 

That summer she sent honeysuckle often. Devotion and affection. 

In the autumn, the pansy. You occupy my thoughts. 

For winter, cyclamen. Sincerity and love. 

Nearly every morning Elsa tossed handfuls of her own petals and the occasional full bloom into the fire, burning the evidence of her heart’s indiscretion to fragrant ash. If Kai or Gerda noticed a lingering floral scent amongst the metallic tang and wondered at it, they said nothing. 

As time passed, Elsa found herself slipping in flowers that were more revealing of her true feelings, things she could not, should not ever say, even if her heart desperately wanted to. Not that Anna would ever know. They were hidden in a language she would never think to learn, and probably wasn’t aware existed. 

That next spring her letters were perfumed with orange blossoms. Eternal love. 

For summer it was lilac, for first love. In some of her weaker moments, the cornflower. Hope in love. 

In fall, the intoxicating scent of jasmine. Romance and sensuality.

Primrose for winter. I can’t live without you. Sometimes, when she was feeling melancholy, a daffodil. Unrequited love. 

Now that she was expelling entire flowers, Elsa finally understood what was growing in her lungs. 

Camellias. 

They meant deep longing.

—————————————————————

I never realized how much you enjoyed flowers. Did we ever spend much time in the gardens? I don’t think we did, at least not together, though I know it was one of mother’s favorite places. 

Either way, I love them. Each one is so different and beautiful. But that’s not surprising. I think beautiful people have an eye for beautiful things. Or actually, maybe that’s just you. Being beautiful I mean, not that you only have an eye for— never mind, you know what I mean.  It really is just the two of us now, isn’t it? Though, there are some days it feels like it’s just me.

I miss hearing your laugh. I miss seeing that intense face you make when you’re concentrating, or hearing your voice when you read aloud. I miss the way I could talk about anything and you’d listen, even if I went on forever about something silly or stupid. I miss how safe I felt when you were with me, like no matter what happened things would be okay, and you’d catch me. I miss watching your eyes light up when you try to hide a smile.

I miss you. 

—————————————————————

Elsa tugged her thick dressing gown more securely around herself. It was only the cusp of winter, but already a permanent chill had seeped into her bones, agitating her lungs. Her strength leeched out of her a little more each day; time that wasn’t devoted to official paperwork or Anna’s letters, was lost to sleep. 

Elsa fidgeted with the handkerchief on her desk, folding it into a crisp square. The creases in this one were so deep they had become permanent guides, a map she followed to sooth anxiety and pain. Hand stitched in one corner, the words: To Elsa, love Anna. 

I do.

Like a lightning bolt, her lungs rebelled; Elsa’s forehead nearly touched the desk as she bent over, expelling her floral inhabitants into her hand. She scrambled for another handkerchief, fingers reaching blindly across the desk until they encountered cloth, bringing it quickly to her mouth.

Only after she’d caught her breath did she realize, too late, that she’d used Anna’s. She unfolded it, picking out a handful of petals and one full bloom, setting them to the side in a small pile. Elsa stared at the painstakingly stitched cloth, full of slightly crooked flowers and missed stitches. Anna hated embroidery. It required a patience and precision her energetic spirit did not often allow. 

This had been pushed under her door in the early hours of her twenty first birthday, wrapped in blue tissue and silver string, along with a letter and a handful of crocuses.       

I know you’re going to be queen soon (well, I guess technically you already are) and I thought these were appropriate. Or maybe giving you our national flower was dumb? I don’t know, but Gerda said they mean cheerfulness and hope, and that’s something I think you need right now. Happy birthday Elsa.

The letter was still in Elsa’s bedside drawer, next to every other letter Anna had ever given her. The flowers had been pressed between the pages of her favorite book, and the handkerchief she kept with her always. Though never used— for this very reason; now it was stained in blood that would never come out, not completely. An indelible corruption on something otherwise pure.  

Slowly, Elsa folded it back up again, allowing the clean sections of linen to obscure the lurid evidence of her deviant heart, until she could almost pretend it wasn’t there at all. 

She picked up a pressed flower from the desk, one for her next letter to Anna, twirling it between thumb and forefinger as she watched the snow drift down. 

Purple hyacinth. Forgive me. 

—————————————————————

Elsa was losing time. 

Dizzy and weak, she’d find herself suddenly in bed, or slumped in a chair. A handful of times she woke with her cheek pressed to the cold floor, body aching all over. 

Sometimes she thought she heard Anna’s voice, but the line between reality and dreaming were blurring, and it was impossible to know if her sister was truly there, or figment of the visions that clung to her like cobwebs after waking.

Elsa didn’t write many letters anymore, but the flowers said what she couldn’t. 

Pressed gladiolus. You pierce my heart. 

Dahlia. One true love. 

The red tulip, pressed and preserved. I declare my love for you. 

—————————————————————

A knock on the door. 

Kai let himself in, calling softly, “Your majesty? You wanted me to deliver Anna’s gift?” 

Elsa stirred, rousing from a half sleep. Anna’s gift? Her mind fumbled, trying to understand what he was talking about as a tide of lethargy fought for her consciousness. 

It was still December… wasn’t it? It must be Christmas. 

“On the desk Kai,” she wheezed. Was that her voice?  

“The stack on the corner ma’am?” 

“Yes…thank you.” Sleep was dragging her under. “… Merry Christmas Kai.” 

She did not hear him leave. 

—————————————————————

Elsa was having a rare good day.

They were few and far between, but when she was able to rise in the morning, lucid and aware, that was a special thing. Elsa reclined in bed while nursing a cup of tea, a book of poetry propped against her knees. She couldn’t find her copy of The Language of Flowers, which she’d been in the mood to peruse. It was nearly always on her desk, but it came as no surprise that she seemed to have misplaced it. 

Knock knock kn-knock knock

The blooms, the heart in her chest strained towards the sun. 

“Elsa?”

Anna’s voice, sweet and painful; ache and salve both. Grey winter light flickered through the gap underneath the door, Anna’s footsteps throwing off distorted shapes. Elsa stared at Anna’s shadow, heart shuddering at her closeness. 

After a moment there came a big sigh, and her sister sat down against the door with a thump. 

“I hope you’re doing okay in there.”

Elsa slipped out of bed and padded silently over to the door, sitting down against the wall. She tucked her legs under her, arranging the velvet dressing gown over her bare feet. 

“I’m here.” Elsa winced. It sounded like she’d swallowed gravel.

There was a sharp intake of breath. Clothes rustling, Anna scooted closer, and her voice sounded from mere inches away. “Hey.”

Elsa could hear the soft smile in her sister’s voice, could picture the charming curl of her mouth. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, savoring the warmth that flooded her chest like a gentle fire, even as it clenched in warning. She couldn’t bring herself to care. 

“Hi.” Elsa chuckled, feeling shy and a little giddy. It had been so long since they’d done this, actually talked face to… well, door. 

“So…,” Anna said after a beat of silence. “Christmas was nice. We sent out an invitation for an open brunch cause I thought, might as well right? No one’s using the space and we have food to spare. It was nice to see the place so full, but…well, you know. It’s not the same.”

Without you, she didn’t have to say. 

Elsa toyed with a lock of her hair, winding it between her fingers. It hung in loose platinum waves to her waist; she hadn’t braided it in days. At least she’d brushed it. 

“I’m sorry.” For all of it, she wanted to say. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. 

“You don’t have to apologize Elsa, it’s not like you can help being sick.” 

Couldn’t she though? If Elsa had just tried harder? When had she stopped trying to fall out of love with Anna?

There was a huff of a laugh behind her. “Do you remember that one Christmas when we snuck buckets of snow into the ballroom? We had just enough to make that one lumpy snowman, what was his name again?” Anna snapped her fingers. “That’s right, it was—”

“Olaf!” They said together, dissolving into giggles. 

Elsa wiped at her eyes. “They were so furious with us. I’d never heard them run down that staircase so quickly.” She winced as her lungs pinched briefly. 

“Honestly I think father was secretly impressed we managed it. Just a shame our little guy melted so fast.”

Elsa hummed in agreement. “It was worth it though.” 

“Sure was.” 

“You always had a talent for finding fun that involved trouble of some kind.” 

Anna laughed. “You loved it. Besides, you were always there to get me out of it.” 

“Of course.” 

Pain, sharp as a thunderclap burst inside her breast. Elsa’s lips parted in a soundless gasp, her hand flying to her sternum. Her lungs roiled. 

Not now. Please not now. 

“…Elsa? Are you okay?”

Elsa staggered to her feet with a whimper, camellias already occluding her throat. She suppressed the first few hacking spasms, but this was so much worse than usual. A few steps into the room her knees buckled, as the flowers came and came and came. Her legs gave out and Elsa crumpled to the floor at the foot of her bed, unable to stem the floral tide from her lips. Faintly she registered Anna pounding on the door, calling out, but then it was lost to the darkness. 

—————————————————————

Elsa

Elsa!

A voice, calling her from above a dark ocean as she sank. It was so hard to breathe, her limbs weighted with lead and useless while the sea seeped into her mouth. In her darker moments she’d imagined what it would feel like to drown, what it must have felt like when their parents were dying. The pressure, the ache, the burning breathlessness—

But no. It wasn’t water in her lungs. 

A living thing clamored in her chest, growing where no living thing should grow. Roots… she was rooted to the earth, not adrift in the ocean. She was being swallowed up in dark soil, a garden ready and waiting to burst from her ribs as soon as her body was finished struggling. Then she would finally be free. 

And Anna would be alone. 

Anna.

—————————————————————

“No…no, no, no—”

She was being lifted, jostled into someone’s arms. Hands, fluttering and frantic, ghosted over her, soft as butterfly wings, unable to settle. Words filtered in and out. The voice sounded incredibly upset. 

“Elsa… oh please, Elsa…”

Confusion snagged thoughts adrift in a heavy fog. That couldn’t be right… Anna wasn’t supposed to be in her room. She was on the wrong side of the door. There was something she wasn’t supposed to know, that Elsa had to make sure she didn’t know. 

It drifted away. 

—————————————————————

She was in bed. 

Elsa felt the familiar weight of her comforter and the pillows at her back. How had she gotten there? How much time had passed, and what had she been…? 

Anna. 

Her eyes fluttered open with difficulty.   

She froze.

Anna was perched on the side of the bed. On her bed. In her room. 

“Hey.” Anna’s smile was soft and hesitant, and a little sad. 

Elsa pushed herself upright on shaky arms. Reflexively she touched her mouth, but found it free of blood. Anna must have lifted her into bed and cleaned her up. “Hi.” Her voice was a painful croak. 

Anna quickly reached for a glass of water on the nightstand, pressing it into Elsa’s hands. Elsa gave her a grateful smile, studying her as she drank. 

Anna’s thick russet locks hung free over her shoulders, the hair near her temples braided in a circlet around her head. The dress she wore was deep green with plum embellishments, a matching sash cinched at her waist. A sharply tailored black jacket with their autumn wheat motif embroidered on the shoulders finished the ensemble. She looked older. Beautiful. 

Elsa set the glass back on the nightstand. There was too much to say and Elsa had no idea where to begin. She looked at her sister and found herself blurting, “How did you get in?”

Anna gave her an exasperated look. “I learned how to pick locks.”

“Oh.” 

“Elsa…what is all this?” She looked confused and unsettled as she gestured to the flowers scattered on Elsa’s floor. In her hand was a camellia, spotted with blood. 

Elsa’s throat tightened. She felt suddenly, unbearably naked. 

“It’s…” Elsa waved a hand over her chest, feeling small and ashamed. “They’re in my lungs,” she finished in a whisper, shrugging helplessly. It was not even close to the whole truth, but how could she explain the nature of her affliction? How was she supposed to tell Anna that her sickness had manifested as a reflection of her perverse heart? 

If she did one thing right in her life, it would be to take this truth with her to the grave. Anna had enough burdens to carry. 

Anna gaped at her, then down at the flower nestled in her palm, her brow pulling into a deep frown. “Wait… what? How is that poss— I…I don’t understand.”

The absurdity of it all struck her then, startling a faint laugh out of Elsa that ended in something closer to a sob. She quickly pressed a hand her lips. “Neither do I.”  

One of Anna’s hands gripped the comforter, twisting the fabric until her knuckles turned white. She struggled for a moment, and Elsa’s heart squeezed painfully when Anna’s eyes turned glassy. “I… I can’t lose you Elsa, not when I—” 

Elsa reached for her, but something behind Anna caught her eye and she stopped. 

At the foot of her bed was a bouquet of flowers. Not just any flowers. 

“Are those…” They couldn’t be. Elsa was fluent in the language of flowers, but Anna wasn’t. Her sister had no idea what those meant. No idea what they said. If she had, she wouldn’t be giving them to Elsa. 

It was a bouquet of Camellias. 

Pink and red camellias. 

Pink, like hers, for longing and red for—

Desire. Passion. 

Romantic love.  

A mistake. It was a mistake, there was no other explanation. 

“Are those for me?” Elsa rasped, weak with disbelief and a shameful pang of longing that slithered out before she could stop it. 

“Yeah Elsa, they are.” 

She shook her head in denial, staring at those impossible flowers. “But—”

Fingertips settled against her lips, and Elsa’s heart stopped.

Soft and warm, it was the first skin to skin contact she’d had in longer than she could remember, and it sent shockwaves through Elsa’s body. Suddenly every sense that had been dulled over the years, though intention or neglect, came alive. She had the irresistible urge to press a kiss to those fingers, had only to apply the slightest bit of pressure to do so, but that beautiful teal gaze had turned her to stone. 

“Yes Elsa,” Anna said quietly. Unshed tears lingered in her eyes, her expression solemn yet underscored by a quiet resolve that blazed just beneath the surface. So unlike the girl Elsa remembered; a queen in her own right. Seeing it now broke her heart as much as it made her proud. She was meant to protect Anna from that burden. She had failed in so many ways. 

Anna’s thumb grazed the corner of her mouth, and Elsa’s breath hitched. “I know what they mean.”

How could you? Elsa’s gaze drifted to her desk and the designated corner where The Language of Flowers always sat, now empty. The last time she’d seen it… was three days ago, when Kai had retrieved Anna’s present. Which had been sitting on top of the book. Elsa’s heart stuttered. Had he…? 

Anna reached down and clasped Elsa’s hands. “Every flower you gave me… I finally understand what you’ve been telling me all this time.”

“That wasn’t… that wasn’t my intention, I— ” Elsa stammered. She could hardly breathe, her heart was beating so fast. “You weren’t supposed to know. Ever,” she whispered thickly, too laid bare to even deny it. 

Anna’s smile was rueful. “I kinda figured as much when I got my Christmas present and your Language of Flowers was there too, with all your notes and bookmarks.”

Elsa squeezed her eyes shut, a single tear streaking down her cheek. Shame raged inside her, hot and hungry. She felt lightheaded.  

“Hey.” A hand brushed her face, encouraging her to open her eyes. “It’s okay Elsa, I promise.”

Anna reached back, liberating a red camellia from the bouquet. She held it up between them. “It’s okay because… I love you too.” Anna took her hand and closed Elsa’s fingers around the stem. “And when I say ‘love’,” she continued gently, “I mean in love.”

“How… why?” This can’t be what you want. You aren’t broken, like me.

A fond smile curved Anna’s lips. “Because you’re you, Elsa. Beautiful and kind and smart and thoughtful and loving, and so many other things. You’re perfect.”  

Elsa most certainly was not, but it was difficult to argue when Anna was looking at her like that. And then she was leaning in, dark pupils fixed on Elsa’s mouth.

“You could get sick,” Elsa hedged weakly. 

“I don’t care,” Anna murmured. 

She was so close now and Elsa couldn’t think; words deserted her as those flushed pink lips drew her into their orbit. 

Anna’s lips brushed hers in a whisper, her kiss ghosting over Elsa’s mouth in a touch so sweet, so unerringly devastating, it shattered the last crumbling walls Elsa had erected around herself. Her foundations fell away beneath her, until the only anchor was that forbidden touch, more perfect than anything she’d experienced. Frisson rippled along every nerve, shivering over her bare skin.

Elsa reached out a hand and found Anna’s neck, the delicate pulse beneath soft skin thrumming in time with her heart, accelerating under Elsa’s touch as she allowed herself to claim Anna’s lips like it was the last thing she’d ever do. 

Maybe it was. 

A noise, soft and high, caught in Anna’s throat, and her mouth parted to allow Elsa in. Elsa took what she offered, losing herself in the lush warmth of her, caressing Anna with a purpose she never dreamed she’d have the chance, let alone the right to do. 

Anna broke away first, her gasps falling heavy against Elsa’s lips, amplified in the quiet room. Elsa cupped her cheek, stroking it with her thumb as she gazed back into eyes heavy lidded and bright. 

Anna closed the distance again, her nose brushing along Elsa’s as she brought their foreheads together.

“I love you, Elsa,” she breathed, voice breaking. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t, not now.”

Elsa opened her mouth to respond and stopped. Something had changed. She’d almost missed it in the overwhelming euphoria of kissing Anna, but now a stunning absence was made plain. The revelation echoed through her like silent thunder. 

“You won’t,” she said, her voice possessed by certainty, and filled with awe. Elsa lifted their hands, placing Anna’s flat against her chest. The heartbeat under Anna’s palm was no longer weak and thready, but strong and sure. 

Elsa stared at Anna in wonder and inhaled deeply, from lungs that were completely empty for the first time in six years. 

#elsanna #submission #august 2021 contest #prompt: flowers #cw: blood #cw: angst

[littlx-songbxrd]

TSC song recs

Part 2

So it seems y'all enjoyed this and wanted more which I am HAPPY to obligue, thought it gets more.... theatery as I go on. Lets go!

In the embers/Sleeping at last

Jesse Blackthorn

"We live and we die, Like fireworks. Our legacies hide, In the embers. May our stories catch fire, And burn bright enough, To catch God's eye"

"May we live and die, A valorous life, May we write it all down, In cursive light, So we pray we were made, In the image of a figure eight,May we live and die"

Icarus/ Bastille

Will Herondale

"Standing on the cliff face, highest fall you'll ever grace, It scares me half to death, Look out to the future, but it tells you nothing,So take another breath"

"Icarus is flying too close to the sun, And Icarus' life, it has only just begun, This is how it feels to take a fall, Icarus is flying towards an early grave"

Two/ Sleeping at last

Jem Carstairs

"No, I don't want to talk about myself, Tell me where it hurts, I just want to build you up, build you up, 'Til you're good as new, And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too"

"Tell me, is something wrong?, If something's wrong, you can count on me, you know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat"

Monster/ Imagine Dragons

James Herondale

"Ever since I could remember, Everything inside of me, Just wanted to fit in , I was never one for pretenders, Everything I tried to be, Just wouldn't settle in"

"Can I clear my conscience, If I'm different from the rest, Do I have to run and hide? I never said that I want this, This burden came to me, And it's made it's home inside"

The projectionist / Sleeping at last

Lucie Herondale

"When I was young I fell in love with story, with the eleventh hour with the blaze of glory. The theater lights dim and all goes quiet. In the darkest of rooms light shines the brightest"

"Though truth is heavier than fiction, Gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls tape. And it makes us brave again"

Line without a hook/Ricky Montgomery

Kitty

"You're a pond and I'm an ocean, Oh, all my emotions, Feel like explosions when you are around, And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh"

"He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook", Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you, I need you here to stay, I broke all my bones that day I found you, Crying at the lake, Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh, And if I could take it all back, I swear that I would pull you from the tide"

Dream/ Imagine Dragons

Clary Fairchild

"And I watch from a distance seventeen, And I'm short of the others dreams of being golden and on top, It's not what you painted in my head, There's so much there instead of all the colors that I saw"

"We all are living in a dream, But life ain't what it seems, Oh everything's a mess. And all these sorrows I have seen, They lead me to believe, That everything's a mess. But I wanna dream, I wanna dream, Leave me to dream"

One of the drunks/ Panic at the disco

Mathew Fairchild

"This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks, Searching for a new high, high as the sun, uncomfortably numb, This is what it feels like when you become one of the drunks"

"Every day you're thirsty, bourbon high, Sip up 'til you're tipsy, night's young, Searching for a feeling, big fun, Dancing with the demons, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, Grips you like a pistol, wet the whistle, wet the whistle, abyss of ice crystals"

I'll be good/ Jaymes Young

Alastair Carstairs

"I never meant to start a fire, I never meant to make you bleed, I'll be a better man today"

"My past has tasted bitter, For years now, So I wield an iron fist, Grace is just weakness, Or so I've been told, I've been cold, I've been merciless, But the blood on my hands scares me to death, Maybe I'm waking up today"

Emperors New Clothes/ Panic at the disco

Sebastian Morgenster

"Welcome to the end of eras, Ice has melted back to life, Done my time and served my sentence, Dress me up and watch me die"

"Heroes always get remembered, But you know legends never die"

Little Miss Perfect/ Taylor Louderman

Ariadne Bridgestocks

"I was adopted when I was two, My parents spoiled me rotten, Often I ask myself, "What did I do?"To get as far as I've gotten. A pretty girl walks by my locker, My heart gives a flutter, But I don't dare utter a word, 'Cause that would be absurd behaviour, For little miss perfect"

"Deny the truth, that's easier, You're just confused, believe her, When she says there's nothing there, It's never worth it"

Starchild/ Ghost Quartet

Grace Blackthorn

"When  I  was a baby, I was blessed by a stranger, In waters  I  didn’t understand. And now  I ’m infected, With disbelief and blasphemy, I’ll never have a holy land. I am ghost, In the eyes of my god"

"And the starlight  I  see, Is a billion light years old, A ghost just like the rest of us, Nothing  I  see, Is there anymore"

First Burn/ Hamilton

Charlestairs

"Heaven forbid someone whisper, He's part of some scheme, Your enemy whispers, So you have to scream, I know about whispers".

"Don't take another step in my direction, I can't be trusted around you, Don't think you can talk your way, Into my arms, into my arms

I'm burning the letters you wrote me, You can stand over there if you want, I don't know who you are, I have so much to learn"

She/ Doddie

Arianna

"Am I allowed to look at her like that, Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at"

"and I'll be okay, Admiring from afar, Cause even when she's next to me, We could not be more far apart, Cause she tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall, But to her I taste of nothing at all"

The astronomer/ Ghost Quartet

Christopher Lightwood

"I am the astronomer, When i look through my telescope, I am certain of the universe, I am filled with wonder from the stars, And i never saw anything, I couldn't blame on my mind, So I don't believe in ghosts"

"I'm confounded by music, And stories and laughter, Goodness and babies, Infinity and luck. I'm confused by the notion, That somebody loves me, And drugs make me crazy, And a clairvoyant told me i've got an old soul, Oh lord I wish I could sing like that, But i don't practice enough"

Part 3? Mayhaps? If anyone want to leave their recs in the comments I'd appreciate it

#part 3? #Maybeeeee #This is genuinly so fun to do #tlh #tda #tsc #the shadowhuter chronicles #kitty #sebastian morgenstern #clary fairchild #alastair carstairs #christopher lightwood #jesse blackthorn #grace blackthorn #arianna #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #song recs #playlist

[hualianisms]

YOUR MOST DEVOTED BELIEVER: a hualian playlist

(books 2, 4, the 800 year separation) (books 1, 3, 5 here)

listen here

track annotations under the cut:

someone to stay - vancouver sleep clinic

You were alone, left out in the cold/Clinging to the ruin of your broken home/Too lost and hurting to carry your load/We all need someone to hold [...] Hear you, falling and lonely, cry out: / Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?

an act of kindness - bastille

An act of kindness/Is what you show to me [...] It holds me 'till I ache/Overflow and start to break [...] But you warm me to my core and you left me wanting more

carry you - ruelle & fleurie

I know it hurts/It's hard to breathe sometimes/These nights are long/You've lost the will to fight/Is anybody out there?/Can you lead me to the light/Is anybody out there?/Tell me it'll all be alright/You are not alone/I've been here the whole time singing you a song/I will carry you, I will carry you

saturn - sleeping at last

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite/How rare and beautiful it is, to even exist/I couldn't help but ask/For you to say it all again/I tried to write it down/But I could never find a pen  

die young - sylvan esso

I had it all planned out before you met me/Was gonna leave early and so swiftly/People would weep, "How tragic, so early"/I was gonna die young/Now I gotta wait for you, honey/I was a firecracker, baby, with somethin' to prove/Now I gotta contend with the living blues

strawberry blond - mitski

All I need, darling/Is a life in your shape/I picture it, soft/And I ache

花雨落 - xun (translation)

Flowers fall into the city as you look back/Horse's hoofs are far away from your gentleness/Who is still outside the building/Empty rain

do it for her - steven universe

You do it for him/And you would do it again [...] What they don't know/Is your real advantage/When you live for someone/You're prepared to die [...] Deep down I know/That I'm just a human/But I know that I can draw my sword and fight/With my short existence/I can make a difference/I can be there for him/I can be his knight/I can do it for him)

small hands - radical face

If you need come build your home in me/And you know I won't complain/And I can't fix what was done to you/But I'll shield you from the rain/And if the walls they build become too high/Then step up on my back and climb [...] And though my hands are much too small to hold you up/I will be there to pick up the pieces

angels - the xx

If someone believed me/They would be/As in love with you as I am [..] And with words unspoken/A silent devotion

the last of the real ones - fall out boy

I was just an only child of the universe/And then I found you/You are the sun and I am just the planets/Spinning around you [...] I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you/But not as much as I do [...] I will shield you from the waves/If they find you/I will protect you

alive - gabrielle aplin

When your kingdom falls/And your family fades/But it wasn't your fault/It was never your fault [...] All your worries will escape through the door/And you'll wake up all alone on the floor/It's not too late/Just rely on me now

everything i wanted - billie eilish

As long as I'm here/No one can hurt you/Don't wanna lie here/But you can learn to/If I could change/The way that you see yourself/You wouldn't wonder why you hear/"They don't deserve you"

take me to church - hozier

The only heaven I'll be sent to/Is when I'm alone with you [...] Take me to church/I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies/I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife/Offer me that deathless death/Good God, let me give you my life

sunlight - hozier

A soul that’s born in cold and rain/Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/And at last can grant a name/To a buried and a burning flame/As love and its decisive pain [...] Know that I would gladly be/The Icarus to your certainty/Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/Strap the wing to me/Death trap clad happily/With wax melted, I’d meet the sea

light - sleeping at last 

With every heartbeat I have left/I will defend your every breath/And I'll do better/Сause you are loved/You are loved more than you know/I hereby pledge all of my days/To prove it so

box of stones - benjamin francis leftwich

I am young, and I am yours/I am free, but I am flawed/I am here and your heart/I was here from the start

you’re the only good thing in my life - cigarettes after sex

Everything is wrong, but it's alright /You're the only good thing in my life

dirge - perfume genius   ((ch 190))

Boys that held him dear,/Do your weeping now,/All you loved of him lies here,/Do your weeping now.

shrike - hozier

I couldn't utter my love when it counted/Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now/And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted/Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now [...] Remember me love when I'm reborn/As the shrike to your sharp/And glorious thorn

NFWMB - hozier    ((wu ming))

If I was born as a blackthorn tree/I'd wanna be felled by you/Held by you/Fuel the pyre of your enemies/Ain't it warming you, the world gone up in flames?/Ain't it the life you, your lighting of the blaze?/Ain't it a waste they'd watch the throwing of the shade?/Ain't you my baby, ain't you my babe?

gone, gone, gone - phillip phillips

And I would do it for you, for you/Baby I'm not moving on/I’ll love you long after you're gone

(during the 800 year separation)

south london forever - florence + the machine

And everything I ever did/Was just another way to scream your name/Over and over and over and over again/Over and over and over and over again

hanahaki (bloom) by molly ofgeography

A braid of love and longing in the taste of rose and pine / A fatal growth belonging to the want you couldn't hide / Bloom / I don't believe in much but I believe in you

staring at the sun - MIKA

Here I stand, staring at the sun/Distant land, staring at the sun/You're not there, but we share the same one/Miles apart, staring at the sun/Distant town, staring at the sun/One thing's true just like you/There's only one

always - francois klark

Cause you are/Always in my mind/Always in my heart/Always the one that waits for me in my dreams/You are always the one I long for/Always the one I feel by my side even though you’re gone/Cause you are my always

finding you - kesha

after this life, I'll find you in the next/So when I say "forever, " it's the goddamn truth/I'll keep finding, finding you/I'm gonna search for your love/Right through Hell and Heaven/Millions of years yet to come/And in all dimensions

遇见 - stefanie sun (translation)

There is a person waiting in the future./To the left, to the right, to the front I look./How many corners must love turns before it arrives?/Who will I meet, what are we going to say?/The person I’m waiting for, how far away is he in the future?

#hualian songs #otp: my dream is only you #mine: tgcf

[inkjackets]

City Lights and Wine

Here is my piece written for @theninozine! Go check out the whole thing HERE! And a huge thanks to @thelastpilot for organising and putting it together!

AO3

‘Wayzz!’ Nino yelled, excitement thrumming through him. ‘Where are you?’

It had been two years since Wayzz had first been given to him by Ladybug, and he was now Nino’s permanent companion. They were the best of buds and made a great team, though the little god still struggled occasionally with Nino’s rebellious nature.

Wayzz hesitantly peeked out of his hiding place in the bookshelf. ‘Master, are you sure you want to do this? Won’t you get in trouble for breaking the rules?’

‘Nah, li’l dude! My fam won’t even know I’m gone.’ Nino gave him a mini noogie and Wayzz couldn’t help but giggle. ‘Besides, you know Adrien needs this more than I do.’

Wayzz struggled to argue with that. The stress of exams had eaten away at everyone this year. But with his father’s pressures only increasing and his schedule growing evermore busy, Adrien hadn’t been coping well.

Wayzz exhaled as he took in Nino’s pleading eyes, failing to hide his smile. ‘Oh, very well then.’

‘Yes, Wayzz!’ Nino exclaimed, pumping the air with his fist. ‘Shell On!’

~~~

Nino stood at the base of the Eiffel Tower, Wayzz tucked safely under his cap, and smiled. Summer was here and he loved it. The city bustled with late-night Parisians and tourists alike, the air was lovely and warm — not too humid and no cold breeze, and the atmosphere was fun and relaxed. He breathed it all in and waited for Adrien to arrive. 

The two of them had been planning this night for a while now. Adrien had let slip that he’d never been out late in town, or rather, his father had never let him, and Nino had been outraged. So they’d come up with a plan to sneak out and meet up.

Nino’s smile widened when he spotted Adrien moving through the crowds, a look of awe on his face as he took in the glittering city around him. He laughed when Adrien spied him, waved enthusiastically, and ran over.

The two boys embraced each other. 

‘Nino, this is amazing!’ Adrien breathed as he stepped back. 

‘Summer evenings; I tell you it’s when Paris comes alive, man.’

‘I know, like I’ve looked down on the world like this before, but to actually be a part of it…’ He shook his head and stared hungrily at the sights around him. ‘It’s amazing!’

‘And tonight, it’s all ours!’

Nino grinned as Adrien’s eyes blazed.

Nino’s smile never left Adrien’s face as he watched his friend drink in the vibrant world around him. Adrien’s grin was infectious and it lit up the night as they explored the city; wandering through the busy streets, eating ice creams and crepes, chatting and laughing and simply enjoying themselves for the first time in a long time. 

At one point in the night, Nino pulled out a bottle of wine from his bag. He had laughed as Adrien spluttered saying there’s no way he would be allowed to drink that.

‘We’re seventeen!’ Nino had cried out, ‘We need to be a little rebellious!’

‘Maybe my father was right when he said you’re a bad influence.’

‘Hell yeah, he was!’

Both boys had burst out laughing.

Nino felt the stress of the last few months melt away as they revelled in the evening air. He could tell Adrien felt the same too. He hadn’t seen his friend this alive in a long time; eyes alight and full of a carefree energy that came with being drunk on city lights. And maybe a bit of wine.

Eventually, the boys found themselves sitting on the walls next to the Seine, gazing out at the shifting water, lights casting strange but alluring patterns on its surface. The relaxed sounds of people chatting drifted over and the gentle pounding of music bled out from the bars and clubs and into the evening air. It was a beautiful night.

Nino picked up the bottle of wine sat between them and took a sip. Adrien fell onto his back with a sigh and smiled up at the stars. 

Nino lay down next to him and turned his gaze to the night sky. It was a surprisingly clear night for the city; a patch of stars shone overhead and a few stubborn ones glimmered further out. The light pollution illuminated the horizon in a soft orange glow, adding its own strange beauty to the darkness.

‘One day,’ Adrien said softly, ‘I’d like to get out of the city, go to the middle of nowhere, and see the stars for real.’ Nino nodded in agreement. ‘Did you know,’ Adrien continued,’ without the light pollution we’d see about two-thousand stars.’ Nino whistled. They both fell silent.

‘Hey, you know how the sun we see is from about eight minutes ago?’ Adrien piped up once more, ‘Well that star there? Sirius? It’s from eight years ago.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Crazy right? And the furthest star that’s ever been observed, called Icarus, is nine-billion light-years away! Scientists saw it at a time where our galaxy didn’t even exist yet!’

Nino sat up and stared at Adrien, dumbstruck. ‘I don’t even know if I understand what you just said.’ Adrien laughed before sitting up and reaching for the wine. ‘How do you know all this?’ Nino asked, amazed.

Adrien took a swig from the bottle and shrugged. ‘I had a huge space phase when I was little. Couldn’t get enough of it. I like legit wanted to be an astronaut,’ he smiled to himself. 

‘What changed your mind?’ Nino asked.

Adrien’s smiled slipped. ‘Nothing, really. I just don’t have a choice anymore.’ He gazed out at the river and took another little sip of wine. Nino’s heart fell.

‘Okay but say you did have a choice,’ Nino asked. ‘Would you still want to be an astronaut?’

Adrien thought about it for a moment. ‘You know, I think I wouldn’t mind being a professor. My father’s pressure ruins it a little, but I actually like studying. It’s something I can just throw myself into, and forget about real-life responsibilities for a while.’ He spun the bottle in his hands. ‘That was the one benefit of being homeschooled. I could study pretty much whatever I wanted and just lose myself to it. And part of the whole space thing was that I loved learning about places that were far from home. It was like, a form of escapism, discovering all the amazing things in the world, in the universe.’ He looked down at the wine bottle and sighed. ‘I dunno, it sounds kinda nihilistic I guess, but it’s comforting knowing that what’s going on at home isn’t the end of the world. That there’s more to life than just the Agreste brand.’ Silence swirled between them. Adrien lifted the bottle to his lips and took a sip.

‘I have the same deal with music,’ Nino said eventually.

Adrien shifted his head to look at his friend. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Nino went oddly quiet. ‘It helps me escape the world. Or rather, it lets me create my own worlds. Worlds where I can be free. I dunno, places where I can just be, without scorn or judgement… you get me?’

Silence fell between them and the stars twinkled down on them as both boys got lost in their thoughts.

‘Remove the “dunno” and that’s some solid lyrics right there,’ Adrien said. 

Nino laughed and gestured at Adrien to give him the wine bottle.  He took a swig, letting the rough tannin of the wine rinse out the bitterness in his mouth. 

‘Is everything all right, Nino?’ Adrien asked softly.

Nino looked up. Adrien’s eyes were warm and filled with concern.

He hesitated. ‘I’ve just been doing a lot of soul-searching lately.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Nino said quietly, not saying anything more.

The water lapped gently at their feet.

‘Well, you know I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about it,’ Adrien said gently.

Nino gave him a smile of appreciation. ‘Thanks man, I mean it.’

The boys fell into silence once more, but their silence wasn’t quiet. Laughter and music drifted down from the street behind them and the soft hum of cars reverberated from across the river. The city lights shone brighter than the stars and lit the world gold, their reflections merging and blurring on the river’s surface as it lapped beneath their feet; its soothing noises lulling the boys into contented peace. Yet still, a knot tied itself in Nino’s stomach. He closed his eyes and breathed in the warm summer air. It smelt of fruit, and heat, and friendship. He should tell Adrien now, he really should. He stretched his fingers and sighed. But it was scary. He turned his focus back to the glittering world around him before looking at Adrien, at his friend’s easy smile and untroubled expression. 

A wicked glint appeared in Nino’s eye.

‘So,’ Nino asked, faking casualness as he broke the silence, ‘How’s everything with Marinette?’ 

Adrien blanched. Nino grinned.

‘I don’t know,’ Adrien groaned, ‘I messed up, man. I messed up big time! I can’t believe she had a massive crush on me for like, two years and I didn’t realise!’

‘How did you not know?’ Nino cackled, rocking back and holding his sides.

‘Cause I’m an idiot!’ Adrien cried to the river. ‘You hear that? I’m an idiot!’ Nino howled with laughter as the water lapped the walls indifferently. ‘But then! But then!’ Adrien continued, ‘You wanna hear what’s worse?’ 

Nino giggled into the wine bottle, ‘She falls for someone else?’

‘SHE FALLS FOR SOMEONE ELSE!’ Adrien flopped onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes. ‘Right as I fall for her.’ Nino patted Adrien’s head, still chuckling. ‘I don’t even know who this mystery lover is,’ he said.

‘Beats me,’ Nino shook his head. ‘She turns bright red every time I ask her. Not even Alya’s been able to get it out of her.’

Adrien sat back up and reached for the wine bottle. ‘Ugh, my love life is too depressing.’ He took a big mouthful of wine. ‘Let’s talk about yours instead. How’s everything going with Alya?’

‘It’s…it’s going well.’ Nino winced. He hadn’t meant for his words to come out so sombre.

Adrien shifted his head. ‘Is something wrong?’

‘No, no, Alya and I are fine. More than that actually. We’re in a great place.’

Adrien cocked his head to the side. ‘Then why do I get the feeling you aren’t telling me something?’

Nino gave a wry smile. ‘Because I’m not telling you something.’ His smile dropped. 

‘You want to talk about it?’

Yes? No. I don’t know,’ he hesitated, ‘I do but… I don’t know.’

The silence swelled between them, broken only by the splashing of water and the gentle background noises of people partying and enjoying the beautiful summer night.

Adrien didn’t say anything, but Nino felt his support and comfort fill the space between them.

Again, it was the perfect moment; the moment he’d been waiting so long for. If he didn’t do it now, he didn’t think he ever would. And that thought terrified him.

Nino’s throat grew tight and his heart thumped in his chest. He inhaled deeply and prepared to lay his heart out bare.

‘Hey, Adrien?’ his voice was low and trusting and held the weight of the world.

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m bi.’

Adrien gave a soft smile, ‘Oh.’

‘Don’t tell anyone, okay? I’m not ready for the world to know yet.’

‘Okay,’ Adrien said simply.

‘What…What do you think?’

‘What do I think?’ Nino felt the tension break inside him as Adrien’s heartwarming smile lit him up from the inside. ‘Nino, you’re my best friend. I love you.’

Nino felt a lump rise in his throat. ‘Thanks, man. I love you too.’

Adrien passed him the bottle and Nino downed the last of the wine.

‘Woo!’ he cried as he planted the empty bottle down. ‘What do you wanna do now?’

Adrien’s eyes widened with surprise. ‘Our night isn’t over yet?’

‘Hell no, our night is just beginning!’

Nino blinked in worried surprise as tears appeared in Adrien’s eyes.

‘Thanks for this night, Nino. I really needed it,’ Adrien said quietly.

Nino pulled Adrien in and embraced him. ‘Right back at you, bro,’ he said, holding him tight. ‘This has honestly been one of the best nights of my life.’

#miraculous ladybug #ml #nino lahiffe #adrien agreste #the nino zine #ml fic #ml fanfic #bisexual nino #writing #my writing #city lights and wine #i'm actually really happy with how this turned out #and i hope you guys like it too!

[thespacenico]

klance fic recommendations!

some good kl fics for the soul (more under the cut)

a bullet just to meet you (petalloso)

lance spiderman au!

completed (1/1)

“What color are your eyes?” “What?” “It’s just, I can’t tell. I think about it a lot, your eyes and the color. You know how we can only see the barest portion of the electromagnetic spectrum? Even bees can see more of it than we can. I feel like whatever color they are, people can’t see it, like it only exists on you.”

a mighty ocean or a gentle kiss (cityboys)

super soft keith comforting lance

completed (1/1)

"You don't have to keep coming here, you know." Keith frowns, settling back with his hands at his sides. "Are you sending me away?" "No," Lance says, too loud too fast. "Just—you know—you have a choice." Keith lets silence fall back for a moment. Then, flatly, he says; "And I'm choosing to be here."

and, we dream of home (mothpoem)

keith visits lance while he’s with the bom

incomplete (2/3)

Keith feels his breath catch at the sight and has to forcibly remind himself that he’s not staring down a desert mirage, that Lance won’t wink out of existence up close and at exactly the wrong angle. He’s real. Not a pipe dream. Real boy. Blue and breathing. And beautiful, Keith’s brain adds, almost unwillingly. “And beautiful,” Keith mutters ruefully as he approaches at a silent soldier’s tread, and then he has to repress a big, dumb smile.

aprovechar el sol (speaks)

keith meets lance’s family

completed (4/4)

"Because I love you," Lance said, and Keith was floored by the way it just fell out of his mouth like he'd said it a thousand times before, the way it carried the same inflection it had when he said it earlier to each member of his family. "And there's nothing in the universe that could change that.”

better than coffee (anonymous)

keith is a barista and lance suddenly needs boba every day

completed (4/4)

“What’s in a name?” said Lance. “That which we call a rose—” Keith wrinkled his nose (rather adorably, Lance noted). “Don’t call me a rose.” Lance clutched his chest on one hand and held out the other to Keith. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Keith is the sun!” Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why did I ever give you my number?”

call me, beep me (orphan_account)

super sweet texting fic

completed (10/10)

(19:12) Update: Muffin is safe. (19:13) We found him in the park with a group of cats. Mildly worried he might be part of a gang. This big one with one eye tried to claw my face off when I went to grab Muffin. (19:20) This is the greatest news I've heard all day.

due west (europa_report)

krolia’s pov on keith’s and lance’s relationship

completed (5/5)

“Why did the blue lion choose you?” Lance’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. He was an expressive boy. He wiped the shock away quickly though, smiling easily as he took a small sip from the drink he held. “Dunno. We had a connection, I felt it the second I stepped into that cave. You know, the one Keith-“ “I know,” Krolia said tersely. “I found it.”

eternity (was in our lips and our eyes) (thespacenico)

post s7 feud episode

completed (1/1)

Lance feels like he's on the cusp of a life-changing revelation. "I told him not to tell you." And this time, Keith doesn't seem to have trouble asking the unavoidable question: "Why?" Lance looks at Keith, and everything falls into place. A life-changing, mind-blowing, head-splitting, earth-shattering revelation.

hearts don’t break around here (klancekorner)

lifetime best friends to lovers

completed (13/13)

“You could do the deep dish pizza place next to the park?” “Deep dish isn't sexy, Snickers.” “Does it have to be sexy?” “Of course.”

hey, mom, i met a boy (mothpoem)

keith sees visions of his future with lance

completed (1/1)

“What did you see?” Krolia murmurs. “Nothing,” Keith answers, voice rough. And then: “Everything.”

home is a feeling (thespacenico)

post s6, lance feels guilty about shiro and keith has nightmares

completed (3/3)

Keith has never felt so vulnerable. But in this moment, his head on Lance's shoulder, Lance's arms around him, he feels safe. He feels home.  He didn't know that home could be a feeling up until now.

if i had one wish (thespacenico)

for keith’s birthday; found family

completed (1/1)

Shiro seems to realize what's happened before Keith does. "You forgot," he says softly.   Keith stares at them. It's his birthday. He forgot his birthday. "Oh my god," Lance says.

just come to me once (laallomri)

keith writes lance letters on the space whale

incomplete (2/3)

Hi Lance. I hope you are okay. Today I hugged my mom for the first time. It wasn’t very good cause she’s kind of awkward about hugs and so am I. But I still liked it. I think I get it now when you said you missed your mom’s hugs so much. I hope you get to hug her soon.

let me melt under the heat of your sun (akaeijis, esbis)

lance and keith fall in love pre-kerberos mission

completed (1/1)

Keith’s lips are chapped, but they yield and they welcome and Lance feels like the ground gives way and he’s trapped in a freefall in slow motion. It’s so warm, the sun in his hands—moths burn up in flames, Icarus hurtles to the ground in a blazing trail, nothing gold can stay—Lance allows himself to burn.

mail me your heart (you already got it) (crystalklances)

basically a love, simon au??

completed (1/1)

You’re making me blush, Red. You don’t even know what I look like, how would you know I’m cute? Either you’re just messing with me, or you really are trying to flirt.

never saw you coming (dimpleforyourthoughts)

E M O T I O N A L   R O L L E R   C O A S T E R

completed (1/1)

If it were anyone else, Keith would figure he’d be dead in a minute. But he knows, as soon as he gives in to the beckoning unconsciousness, exactly what’s going to happen. He’s only been watching Lance’s stupid goddamned martyr complex play itself out for months now. He knows exactly how this story ends.

nothing’s quite as sweet (dimpleforyourthoughts)

keith is a barista and lance volunteers at a cat shelter

completed (1/1)

Keith grabs the collar of Lance’s hoodie and pulls him back down. Keith thinks, please catch me please catch me please catch me. And Lance does.

say my name (and every color illuminates) (talking_bird)

dream soulmate au

completed (1/1)

“Well, that’s what you are, right? My subconscious talking to me? That’s what my aunt says dreams are, but it’s kinda weird that my subconscious hasn’t seen the ocean before since I’ve been around the ocean my entire life.”

the light the water reflects (auras)

the softest and most poetic thing you’ll ever read

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Lance says, “When I think of home, I think of something that makes me feel content and warm inside. Metaphorically speaking.” Lance’s hand doesn’t move from his, even after the other boy dozes off, filling the silence with his gentle snores.  (It makes Keith feel content, and warm inside.)

the love you left behind (thespacenico)

adam, keith, and lance post-kerberos mission

incomplete (1/3)

"Do you still love him?" he asks quietly. Adam laughs softly. "Of course I do." He takes his glasses from the counter and pushes them back onto his nose. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed as hell." Keith snorts, and Adam instinctively brings his hand up to the chain around his neck as he looks back out the window, at the stars. "But, yeah. I still love him. That much hasn't changed."

the stars, the moon (they have all been blown out) (talking_bird)

hogwarts au

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Lance started, voice so quiet, Keith wondered if he even wanted him to hear it, “whenever I conjure my patronus, you’re my happiest memory…” In a ghost of a voice, Keith whispered, “And you’re mine.”

there, nestled against his pulse (hiuythn)

soulmate au that literally murders your soul. 

completed (17/17)

The words on Keith’s right wrist say, hey kogane you alright. The words on his left read, stop why are you doing this to me stop it stop it stop

when the lights go out (dimpleforyourthoughts)

date and a fifth

completed (1/1)

“You know,” Keith says quietly, “You’re not a bad dancer. I expected you to constantly step on my feet.” “That may be the nicest thing you’ve said to me all night.” “Don’t get too comfortable there, cowboy.” “Cowboy.” Lance grins, hopelessly endeared.

you’re lucky that’s what i like (zenstrike)

collection of absolute fluff

incomplete (12/?)

“Uh, Lance?” Lance felt his eyelids drooping. “Yeah?”     “I may have asked for tickets to the least crowded movie.”     Lance considered this. “And we didn’t even make out,” he said with a sigh. “...they didn’t tell me no one had bought a ticket.”     Lance smiled.

#klance #klance fics #voltron #vld #keith #lance

[playing--koi]

Oh, Icarus

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: In which Bucky Barnes is Icarus and you are his sun.

Warnings: SMUT (Ages 18+)

Word Count: 3.2k

MASTERLIST

It had always been a horrible idea; the two of you like oil and water, but somehow still moth to flame. He was your strength, weakness, and necessity all at once.  

You were both such complicated people; your relationship doomed from the start. All blazing fights that lasted hours until your vocal chords were raw and pained, both of you preferring death before surrender. Yet with touches so sweet that you could barely remember what you’d been fighting about to begin with.

It was toxic and you both knew it. But you gladly let the poison course through your veins until the very last fight.

 ~

Labored breaths, slamming doors, and quickened heartbeats: the sound of a typical fight. The only unfamiliar sound was your raspy voice, weakened from all the yelling, whisper, “I’m done,”.

It was like someone had slapped him right across the face; like an alcoholic immediately turned sober. “What?” He asked, almost in a state of disbelief.

You couldn’t look at him across the kitchen counter. Every ounce of willpower would shatter the moment he successfully made eye contact. “You heard me, Buck.” You sniffled, wiping away a single tear that escaped your waterline. “We can’t keep doing this to each other.”

He couldn’t move, afraid you’d run at the first quiver like a scared doe. “Baby, please. Don’t do this. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Please. We can talk about this.” You’d never heard him plead like this before. It was like a switch had been flipped in his mind, everything holding so much more weight now.

“This isn’t your fault. I’m just trying to set us both free.” Your voice kept cracking under pressure. Your mind was made up, but your heart was begging and screaming for you to reconsider. You were shattering your own heart, so you couldn’t even imagine what you were doing to his.

“Y/N—please. Think about this.” You could hear his footsteps sound against the tile floors of your kitchen as he approached you. “Baby, I love you.”

You sucked in a deep breath and looked up at him. He’d stopped about 3 feet in front of you; close enough for you to see the tears welling up in his eyes. “I love you too, Bucky.” A ghost of a hopeful smile formed on his lips, but after seeing your helpless expression remain, it quickly fell again. “And that’s why we have to break up.”

You watched the life drain from his usually vivid features. Like his appearance was dulling, while the knife you’d driven through his heart remained sharp and polished. You were killing the love of your life, and in return, yourself as well. His head dropped and his shoulders slumped.

He started to walk towards you aimlessly. Before you could stop him, his arms encircled around your waist and he pulled you closer. He deeply inhaled, no doubt memorizing your scent and the feel of you in his arms. “I love you more than anything.” He whispered in your ear. “And that’s why I’ll walk away if you want me to.”

You choked out a sob and he began to rub your back, still comforting you even though it should’ve been the other way around. “It’s not that I want this, Buck.” You pulled back from him to look into his eyes. “I just can’t hurt you anymore.” You pulled both hands back from around his shoulders and cupped his face tenderly. “Please forgive me.”

And that was the day you walked out of his life, thinking it’d be forever. But life was a cruel, cruel thing.

~

You’d just walked into the closest florist, trying to find a beautiful bouquet as quickly as possible, so you didn’t look like the worst best friend on Earth while congratulating her on her engagement.

You were overcome with all of the different scents surrounding you the moment you’d walked through the door. The sea of colors overwhelmed you and, right then, you’d forgotten what you’d even come in there for. You were now within your own fairytale the second you laid eyes on the red roses. Bucky’s favorite flower to give you. A symbol of love, beauty, and passion.

It’d been 8 months since that fateful day, but you still couldn’t seem to get him out of your head. You hadn’t even attempted dating yet, knowing that no one held a chance with who you’d inevitably compare them to. Sure, you’d both fought hard, but you’d loved hard too. Like a fire burning so bright, the beauty consumed those around it, but harmed those who got too close.

You walked over to them, delicately brushing a single rose with your fingertips and admiring it.

“Well, if it isn’t the two most beautiful things in the world.” Your movements stopped abruptly and you flinched at the voice. Your shoulders perked as you straightened your spine in preparation for the blow you were about to take.

You slowly turned around and saw him. He looked good. He just wore a t-shirt and some sweatpants. His hair was still long and his body was still muscular, although he looked a bit paler. As if he spent less time outside than he used to. You also noticed that the bags beneath his eyes had deepened. “Hello, doll.” His lips wore a smile, but his eyes were painted with regret.

“Hey, Buck.” You sighed, just staring at him. Every atom was just itching to move closer. Just walk back into his arms and never leave them again, but you knew you couldn’t let that happen.

“So what brings you to the flower shop?” He asked, lightly cocking his head to the side in curiosity.

You hesitated a moment. “I guess I just missed the smell of roses.” As soon as you’d said it, you were mentally scolding yourself. He smiled in response. Really smiled. But there was still a shadow of pain. The moment was bittersweet. You both clearly felt the ghost of a love so fiery, the crimson flames still dwindling, still desperate to be ignited once again.

You’d just then realized that he was holding a bouquet of his own and your heart sank. “Who’s the lucky lady?” You questioned and you wished more than anything that your voice hadn’t cracked.

He looked down at his hand and smirked, looking back up at you once again. “No lady, doll. The commandos.” He chuckled sadly. “I try to pay my respects as much as I can.”

Your heart grew at least 10 sizes. Bucky Barnes was a truly good man and you couldn’t help but despise the universe for not allowing you both total bliss when you were together. “I’m sure they really appreciate that.” You spoke softly.

His phone rang in his pocket and he moved to answer it. Once he was distracted by the other line, you made your way out of the shop quickly, not knowing what to do with yourself any longer.

You never did pick up those flowers.

~

It was 11pm and you’d just gotten home from your best friend’s house, exhausted from all of the socializing. Engagement parties really weren’t your forte and you were so thankful that, with all of the gifts, she didn’t even notice your lack of flowers.

You threw your keys down onto the counter and went to take off your jacket before you heard 3 loud bangs on your apartment door. You wondered who in the hell could be visiting at this hour as you tiptoed closer. You checked the peephole and you were sure your gasp could’ve been heard on the other side.

There he was again, for a second time that day. Only this time, he was holding a single red rose in his hand and an expression of pure fear. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve and giving you every bit of power to crush it.

After unlocking the door, your trembling hand reached for the knob and twisted, pulling it back towards you. It was almost like your shield in that moment, protecting you from the unknown as you used it to cover the right half of your body.

“Bucky?”

“I don’t really know why I’m here.” He whispered, not even looking at you. “I just turned around at the flower shop and you were gone. I tried to shake it off, but apparently that didn’t work considering I’m standing here with a red rose and no fucking clue what I’m doing.”

“Buck, I—”

“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m here. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it work. I’m sorry that you’re the love of my life and we still can’t seem to get this shit to turn out right.” He was rambling now, using his free hand to tug at the long strands of his hair in frustration. “I miss you more and more every goddamn day.”

Your breath was caught in your throat as you pulled the door open further to allow him entrance and he slowly walked past the threshold, almost lifelessly.

You shut the door and followed behind him, keeping a safe distance. He walked over to your counter and turned around to face you, leaning his back against it and crossing his arms to avoid a full sense of vulnerability.

“I miss you.” He sighed. “And there’s not a fuckin’ thing I can do about it.”

You’d been searching for your voice this entire time and you were relieved to have finally found it. “I miss you too.”

He visibly perked at the response.  “I think about you all the time.”

“Barnes, you don’t leave my fuckin’ head.”

He lightly pushed back against the counter, finding his own footing. “I know we can’t work out.”

“Never.”

He slowly started to walk over to you, careful to watch for any signs of discomfort, but you remained still. “This is a bad idea.”

“Horrible.” You whispered, but didn’t budge in the slightest as he began to invade your space, his cologne still the same as the day you’d left. He abruptly stopped in front of you.

“But we both want this? One last time?” The unshed tears glistened, creating waves within the cerulean oceans, as his voice cracked. You nodded gently.

Your breaths were both invading the other’s space, labored and needy as you stared, lost in the regions of pain and desire in each other’s eyes. He inhaled painfully, shutting his eyes and resting his forehead against yours. “Please just lie to me right now. Tell me we’ll be together forever. Tell me we’re fireproof.”

You couldn’t answer him, your mind too jumbled with thoughts. So you did all you could do. You kissed him.

He dropped the rose and instantly pulled you close, hugging your body tightly against his own as he kissed you in a way he never had before. No tactics, no gimmicks, no tricks. Just you and him combining souls as he unleashed every bit of passion he had. You could hear your own heartbeat, the fast-paced thuds deafening in your ears, as you became almost lightheaded, overwhelmed with emotion.

He moved his hands from their positions on your hips to the backs of your thighs, hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. His body was on autopilot, walking you to the bedroom that he hadn’t seen in 8 months, yet still fantasized about nearly every moment. Kicking the door closed behind him, he dropped you down on the bed.

Once you were settled, he rid himself of his t-shirt, not breaking eye contact once as he stared down at you. You took the hint from him and pulled your own shirt off, throwing it carelessly out of the way. The air in the room was thick with tension, both of you so desperate for a sliver of what used to be, of what could’ve been.

“Still as beautiful as can be, doll.” You preened under the praise, so starved for affection in your time apart. While still holding his gaze, you unbuttoned and unzipped your shorts, pulling them down your legs and discarding them on the floor. You glanced down at his nether regions then returned your eyes to his own, hoping he would understand your light coaxing.

He dropped his sweatpants quickly. Standing there in just his boxers, he placed his hands on your knees and gently guided your legs apart before holding your waist with one arm and guiding you back further on the bed, so your head was pressed to the pillows.

He was now settled between your legs and moved his mouth to your jaw, hesitantly nipping and sucking at the skin there quite gently. Your breath hitched when he found that particular spot beneath your ear and, knowing your body like the back of his hand, he zeroed in on that area. His movements became harsher as he wrapped one of your thighs around his waist and grinded his hardness against your clothed core. He was determined to leave his mark on you.

Your fingers were pulling at his hair as he got your body all worked up, craving the feeling of your satisfaction. Everything he did was for you.

His hand slithered between the two of you, massaging the heat of your covered pussy and pulling new sounds out of you. He applied the perfect amount of pressure to remain teasing yet still irresistible. You started to grind up against his hand, desperate for any form of release after so long untouched.

His lips had now begun assault on your clavicle as he used his idle hand to expertly unclasp your bra and yank it from your body as if the article of clothing had offended him in some way. His mouth continued its descent down your body, kissing the flesh in between your breasts and down your stomach until he reached your panty line.

He stared up at you beneath thick lashes and halted his pleasurable torture with his fingers, instead using them to pull down your underwear and he was met with the sight of your glistening cunt.

“Oh, my baby missed me.” He whispered, his hot breath against your core annunciating each word deliciously. “Let’s see how well I remember.” He winked before diving straight in.

He was like a tiger starved, and you, his newest and most delectable prey. You could barely think straight as he devoured you, paying close attention to each of your reactions and putting the feedback to good use. However, it didn’t take him long at all to get back into the movements and ministrations of your body.

His name was like a prayer on your lips, spoken with such trust and care. You were sharing your most private parts with him yet again and he would die a thousand deaths to remain in this moment forever. But, if he couldn’t have that, then he needed you to remember. Remember your last night of pure bliss at his hands.

His noises were obscene: slurping, kissing, sucking. And you loved it. It was dirty and passionate and filled with raw desire; you wouldn’t have it any other way. He worked your clit with his tongue until you were so close, that you could feel your spine arch before he pulled away, leaving the coil tightened in the pits of your core. The moment he pulled away, he discarded his boxers so fast, you weren’t even sure how he’d done it.

You groaned at the loss of sensation and he chuckled in between kisses up your body. Once he was hovering above your lips once again, he kissed you softly with an elegance that you hadn’t yet seen that night. It had all been about passion and fervor and this was a welcome addition.  

He blindly reached for the side table, pulling open the drawer and grabbing a condom, knowing exactly where you kept them without even a slight glance. He tore the packet open with his teeth and made quick moves applying it.

“You ready, baby?” He asked and you could see the emotion pool in his eyes once again. This was it. The last time you’d be as connected as physically possible. Your final time making love.

You nodded. “I love you, Bucky. Never forget that.”

He entered you and you gasped, getting used to his impressive length once again as he bottomed out. “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

You let out a moan at the combination of his words and his movements. He began to thrust into you with shallow movements, forming a rhythm that you could match easily. Soon after, his thrusts became deeper. Each hitting that perfect spot within you that coaxed you to ecstasy. Sensations that made you delirious with adoration.

A sheen of sweat glistened on you both as your bodies once again intertwined and made love. It was like no words were needed. Everything had already been said. Each noise you both made alluded to something different.

I’ll miss you.

I love you.

I’ll never forget you.

You are everything to me.

I would do anything for you.

Your world flickered at the end; a cheap trick of the mind. Like a flame so desperate to ignite, to spark, to explode. It was almost as if your mind was showing you the blazing forest fire that you and Bucky could’ve been. But just narrowly missed. Like a cruel joke.

But your body. That was anything but a flicker. It was a blood-red glow that surrounded you as you entered heaven. The feeling of you, your lover, and the fire. The only three things that mattered in the universe at that very moment.

~

“I love you,” he whispered as you both laid in silence. His voice was so quiet, as if one loud noise would crack the edges of your shared creation. But, what he didn’t know was that it’d been shattered long before it could be fully built. “This doesn’t have to end.”

You could hear a sniffle, but you didn’t dare take your head off of his chest to look, too petrified to gaze upon the man you were hurting yet again. “Yes, it does, Buck. You know that.”

He cleared his throat and you could feel the vibrations of his chest against your cheek. “You think we could ever try again someday?”

“Buck, it’ll just burn us both all over again.”

“I’d burn for you any day, angel.” You finally lifted your head from his chest, offering him the full attention he deserved in that moment. His features were somehow softer as he donned a sad smile, eyes darting around your face, as if trying to memorize every pore.

“I love you,” you whispered.

You were his sun. Beautiful, bright, essential; and yet, every time he got too close, lethal.

So maybe you two were never oil to water, nor moth to flame. You were Icarus and the sun, destined to find each other. And melt.

Oh, Icarus, look what you’ve done.

Taking flight so close to the sun.

 fin

A/N: Hey guys! I know I’ve been a little bit MIA for a bit and I’m so sorry about that! I just got really busy and couldn’t get into my groove, so I didn’t wanna put out stuff that I wasn’t proud of/ready to post. I really hope you guys like this one! I randomly thought of those last two lines in my head a few weeks ago and have been itching to write a fic around them, so VOILA!! It’s a bit different than my previous ones, so I’m a bit nervous about this one, if I’m honest! As usual, if you guys see any glaring mistakes on this fic that hinder your experience as a reader, just let me know and I’ll be sure to fix them! So sorry if it’s bad!!

I’m an absolute WHORE for feedback, so if you’d like to leave some, I’ll love you forever (I probably already do)! Hope you all have a lovely day and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading! I hope you enjoyed. x

 tags: @netflixa @sanjariti @retroasgardian @cassandras-musings @blazeshira @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @jurassicbarnes @thewinterswimmer @feelmyroarrrr @atari-writes @gizmospacerocket @soitmightgetweird @4theluvofall @bladebarnes @stephie-senpai @do-you-mind-if-i-slytherin1 @justreadingfics @sharonisantisocialimagines @debbielovesbucky

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #smut #reader insert #reader insert smut #the winter soldier #the winter soldier x reader #fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes

[gentlelewis]

Burn

Why did she do it? Why did she post that online? His parents were out with his sisters so he could tear up. His eyes scanned the document in front of him. It had paragraphs of an explanation. Meaningless words all said the same thing. She cheated on him. She cheated on a guy that did nothing but give her love. His eyes started to tear up as his hand shook, reaching up to close the screen. Then came up to his mouth. Unable to believe it. Claire cheated on him like he didn’t mean anything. Like what they had meant didn’t exist in her mind when she went with another.  He looked down at his drawers, opening one slowly. There, was a small pile of letters. Each one from Claire. Lewis’s bangs thankfully covered his bloodshot eyes as the tears streamed down. 

I saved every letter you wrote me From the moment I read them I knew you were mine You said you were mine I thought you were mine

Despite the technology they lived in, letters were a common thing between the two. It only took a few hours to get to each other, so they got it quickly enough to write back on the same day. She sent the first to ask him out. He remembered that day very well. 

Do you know what my mother said When we saw your first letter arrive? She said “Be careful with that one, love She will do what it takes to survive.”

Lewis raised an eyebrow at the letter in their mailbox before walking in with the newspaper and other envelopes in hand. Placing the others on the kitchen counter as he took a seat on one of the high chairs there. Opening it up and pulling out two pages filled with words. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, his head lifted up to meet his mother’s eyes. They looked worried for him. “Sweetie? Who’s that from?” He bit the inside of his cheek before smiling. “Claire Vanessa Mom. You remember her?” She nodded, but in a way that seemed like she wasn’t on board with this. “Just...be careful my dear. She might do anything to keep her reputation” Then she moved her hand to his cheek. He nodded, before taking her hand and kissing it. “I promise mother.” She nodded once more before kissing his head and slipping her hand out of his grip as she moved back to leave the kitchen. He watched her before looking down at the letter, smiling brightly as he began reading the letter.

You and your words flooded my senses Your sentences left me defenseless You built me palaces out of paragraphs You built cathedrals I’m re-reading the letters you wrote me I’m searching and scanning for answers In every line For some kind of sign And when you were mine

Lewis looked down at all the letters in his hands. All of them opened and read. He picked them one by one, tears staining the ink on the paper. Remembering the first 7 were purely love letters. Every word made roses for him and fluttered his heart. But after those 7, they seemed to drag on. They were missing something. He stood up with these letters and started walking down the stairs. So slowly.

The world seemed to Burn Burn You published the letters she wrote you You told the whole world how you brought This girl into our bed In clearing your name, you have ruined our lives

His steps weren’t loud, they were quiet as a mouse. His eyes stared at the blazing fire that burned in the fireplace. Gripping the letters in his hands as more tears fell down his cheeks. His knees were shaking so he had to lean against the wall. Holding the letters in one hand while the other held the wooden railing. 

Do you know what my mother will say When she read what you’d done? She will say “You have loved an Icarus She has flown too close to the sun.” You and your words, obsessed with your legacy… Your sentences border on senseless And you are paranoid in every paragraph How they perceive you You, you, you…

Lewis had gotten down to the main floor and had crushed the letters in his hands. Now the letters he had gotten were just meaningless. The document now public talked about her reputation. Nothing of how she felt with Lewis or how they were. Simply blamed it all of the other that she herself went home with. That she decided to cheat on Lewis with. Everyone could see it was entirely Claire’s fault, there was no blame on the other. He slammed the letters that he held on the floor, probably making a small dent in the floor. It will go un-notice unless someone was really bored and looked really closely. 

I’m erasing myself from the narrative Let our friends wonder how Lewis Reacted when you broke his heart You have torn it all apart I am watching it Burn Watching it burn

Lewis had found a candle nearby and lit one of the letters on fire. Shaky knees let him to the fireplace, leaving the others on the floor behind. He kneeled on the ground and threw the letter in. Watching the paper burn from the hot flames surrounding it. Hot tears dripped on the wooden floor under him. His hand held him steady by supporting him from the ground. He then stood up and ran back to the other letters, picking them up.

The world has no right to my heart The world has no place in our bed They don’t get to know what I said I’m burning the memories Burning the letters that might have redeemed you

His knees gave out on the floor once he got to the fireplace. Breathing heavily as he threw one by one in before throwing it all in. He would cover up all his heartbreak. He couldn’t break down in front of his friends and family. he couldn’t. Lewis knew he had to be there for them all. If he broke, then where would they go for support?

You forfeit all rights to my heart You forfeit the place in our bed You sleep in your house instead With only the memories Of when you were mine

Lewis held his chest with one hand. Crying so hard that there was little puddle forming below him. Thank god no one was around to see him like this. Such heartbreak could only do this to a big fellow like himself. His hand ripped off the necklace she once gave him, his hand shook as he held his hand over the fire. 

I hope that you 

His hand lets go of the necklace, watching it as it fell into the flames. Hitting the logs and quickly melting away. Now his cheeks were stained with his tears. But his eyes were angry.

burn

He didn’t stay there, he got up. Wiping his eyes before turning around and heading back upstairs to wash his face. Hoping to clean up the mess before anyone came home. So no one had to know how much he was hurt. Of course, he knew his friends would first ask him how was he doing then his parents would ask and they would ask. He would simply have to say he was fine and that he could now relax more with his friends and family. No one had to know the scar in his heart. No one needed to know how much it burned. 

#little drabble thingy #cause... am inspired #sorry if it sucks #; Much like a novel...shots do the same ( Shots/Written Works) #Bold means lewis is singing #Bold and italics means I changed the lyric to fit the moment #So this would be like in high school #maybe his first girlfriend? #Like his first everything expect sex #So it hurts a lot