#hes just a senile little guy he did nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

[latenightsundayblues]

I just finished Saw X and john literally looked like this throughout the entire movie

How am i supposed to hate that unhinged son of a bitch when he has the aura of a nice old dementia patient who's got no idea whats going on

#girl help they got me feeling bad for the god-complex having serial torturer😭😭😭 #hes just a senile little guy he did nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!! #not gonna spoil anything but #tbh i didnt really like the movie as much as i thought i would #its not as awful as spiral of course but like........ kinda mid #john and amanda were still wonderfully written imo #a bit boring in my eyes but it could definitely be worse👍👍

[wambsgansshoelaces]

Something Sweet; Chapter 6

Kendall Roy x Reader

a/n: huzzah, a chapter has dropped! don’t let it flop or else :) enjoy x

p.s. I’m open to incorporating your ideas into the plot! go ham guys

Word Count: 3.366k

You wake up, head tucked into Kendall’s neck. The soft gold of his chain tickles your face. You close your eyes again, pressing yourself further into him, and his arms tighten around you. One hand is sitting comfortably on the small of your back, the other keeping your head pressed to him. One of your legs is draped over his waist, your arm thrown over his chest.

You contentedly drift in and out of consciousness, curled against him. He murmurs a bit in his sleep, none of it which you catch. You feel like you’re in heaven. You kiss his shoulder gently, and he stirs.

“Hey, you.” Kendall kisses you on the lips. “Sleep well?”

“Amazingly,” you say. He moves to pepper kisses all over your face. A soft smile morphs your mouth. “You’re happy this morning.”

“I don’t have to be in the office ‘till one, and I woke up next to you.” You sigh, burying yourself into his chest. “You know, Roman told me that me and you are the ‘same breed of asshat’ yesterday.”

You laugh. “He was only ever talking to me when I was doing something else. I was focused, okay?”

“I don’t blame you,” he murmurs back, thumbing circles into your back. “One time, when we were kids, I hit him because he said my dress shoes looked stupid.”

“Kendall!”

“I was seven. My ego was fragile.” His other hand travels to thread through your hair. “He also needed to be humbled.”

You laugh, and don’t say anything back, falling into a comfortable silence. It’s short lived. “You sure nothing else happened yesterday?”

Kendall sighs. “Dad was… on the senile side.”

“How so?”

“Well, every holiday, he spews classist bullshit, so that wasn’t new. He went on some incomprehensible rant about me and Roman and the company, which, again, isn’t new. But then he started talking about my kids.”

“Ew,” is all you say.

“Specifically my son. He’s not developing as fast as he should, and he’s just a little behind socially.”

“That’s perfectly normal, you know.”

“Yeah, it is. But Dad’s old fashioned, and it just… left a bad taste in my mouth.” His fingers trace up your spine. “Then he and Roman got into this massive fight. Roman wants more control at Waystar- he thinks Dad’s just giving him a title to keep him quiet and complacent. I mean, he is, to be honest.” He rubs his thumb along the nape of your neck. “It’s family drama you shouldn’t have to think about.”

“If you have to deal with it, I want to help.”

“I don’t want to put that on you. You’re too kindhearted for their garbage.”

“If you need to talk, come tell me, okay? Please?”

“Yeah. I will. Don’t worry.” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss to your hair. “And if anything ever bothers you, come to me. I’ll take care of it.”

You press a kiss to the spot where his jaw and neck connect. “If you’re serious, I need someone to taste a new recipe.”

“That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Sometimes I think you got with me just for the baking,” you laugh.

“I did, actually,” he jokes back. “Anything for those fruit tarts of yours.”

He rolls over, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. “Do you want to come over?”

Your hand stays set on his stomach as he stays twisted to scroll through his phone. “Mhm..” You feel his muscles tense under your palm. “Ken?”

“I’m really sorry, I need to go.” He slides out of bed, before doubling back and giving you a distracted kiss on the lips.

“What’s wrong?”

“Dad’s in the hospital. They think one of his arteries clogged up.”

You sit up and watch as he pulls together some of his things scattered around your room. “Oh my god. Hey, don’t leave yet, let me give you something to take with you.” You run, pajamas and socks, downstairs into the bakery. You quickly put together a to-go box of sweets, praying Kendall doesn’t leave before you make it back upstairs.

Thankfully, he’s waiting patiently at the door when you come back up. You press the box into his hands, stretching onto your toes and giving him a short, but deep kiss.

“Thank you,” he murmurs. “I’ll call you later, okay? I’m really sorry.” He kisses you again.

“Don’t apologize. Go. Be safe.” You give him a final kiss and a squeeze on the arm, then he’s gone.

You spend the rest of the day worrying. You open the bakery a little late, deciding it’d be a good distraction. And you wouldn’t mind the money, no matter how little the amount. The customer flow is barely a trickle, but you don’t mind. Maybe you’ll close early on top of the late open and spend time on a key-lime pie for Logan.

You’re interrupted from your thoughts when a man power-walks into your shop. His face is sharp, his styled hair graying. Even his sweats look expensive. “Y/N Y/L/N. That has to be you, right?”

You blink. “That’s me.”

“I want you to cater my wedding.”

“Oh. Okay.” You pluck a notepad and a pen from the counter. “Well, congratulations!” you say, forcing your voice higher. “What date are we looking at?”

“Valentines Day. The one coming up.” He folds his hands and sets them on the countertop space in between you both.

“That’s kind of last minute,” you admit. “You know people usually start this process a year in advance?”

“Well, I proposed yesterday. We don’t really want to wait to get married.”

You sigh. “As long as you’re okay with the fact that some changes won’t be made when you want them to, just because we don’t have as much time to experiment.”

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t care. I like the way your desserts taste, and so does my fiance. That’s all that matters to me.”

You jot down the date. “I’m so sorry, but what’s your name? So I can put it in my books.”

“Connor Roy.”

So now you’ve met all of them.

“Again, congrats, Mr. Roy. What kind of menu are we thinking?”

“Everything. I want it to be elegant, extravagant.”

You suck on your teeth. You’re beginning to wonder what’s wrong with this family. “O-kay. I meant like basics. Do we want cookies, eclaires, brownies…”

“I, uh, didn’t think that far ahead.” He rummages around in his coat pocket. “But I brought a deposit. To make sure you keep yourself available for the entire month of February.” He drops a fat wad of cash in front of you.

“Oh, Mr. Roy, there’s no deposit required. I have you written down, I’ll make sure not to take anything during that month.”

“What? No, this is me being sure. Besides, Kendall insisted.”

“Did he tell you to come here?”

Connor goes red. “Um, no, not exactly. I was talking to him during dinner yesterday, and I asked about the desserts. He said they were done by you, and he had this stupid look on his face talking about it… If anything, I’m just hiring you so he has an excuse to take you to the wedding.”

You hadn’t realized the entire family was privy to what you and Kendall had going on.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m hiring you because you’re the best in the city. But also for Kendall.”

“Okay, here’s what we can do. Why don’t you and your fiance come in a few days from now? I can bake some samples for a wedding cake and you guys can figure out what else you want served.” You drop your notebook and pen and hand him one of your business cards with your work email and phone printed on it. “Tell her congrats for me, okay? Drive safe, it’s starting to snow.”

He leaves, the money seemingly forgotten.

If you had a nickel for every time a Roy had tipped you way too much money, you’d have two nickles, and now $15,000. You couldn’t believe it when you were counting the bills.

The rest of your day is slow, so you start on the pie for Logan. You close up shop- you have a feeling you’re going to be taking a break from the bakery for a little while.

The sun sets, the time leaks away from you. As you’re kneading the homemade dough out, your phone rings, Kendall’s caller ID flashing across the screen. You quickly wipe off your hands and pick up, putting him on speaker.

“How are you? Are you okay? Is he okay?” you ask immediately. You hear a sigh on the other end. It’s like he’s letting go of the strain that’s been building up in his body.

“Y/N, I’m fine. He’s… not awake. I don’t know if it’s a coma or not.”

“Ken, don’t think about it.” You begin to shape the dough, and you feel strangely reminiscent of when you and Kendall had first met- rather, the second time, when he’d introduced himself and asked you to Logan’s. “Where are you?”

“The waiting room. They won’t let any of us in.” He sounds tired, tense.

“I’m sorry, Ken. Let me bring you all something. Does anyone want anything?”

“No, no…”

“Ken,” you chide. “Ask.”

“I mean it, we’re fine.”

“Put Shiv on the phone.”

He sighs, and you hear the rustling of clothing and a ‘Shiv!’ from Kendall. “Hey, Y/N. Kendall calls you?”

“Hi, Shiv. Are any of you hungry? What can I bring you? Can I get something for your dad?”

You can hear Kendall’s voice faintly saying, “Don’t make her bake anything. She’s exhausted enough.”

“Could you bring coffee? Pretty please?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll bring some sweets, too, okay?”

“You’re the best. I love you.”

There’s a pause and a bit more rustling, presumably Kendall wrestling the phone back. Shiv blurts the hospital name to you. “Sorry.” From the noises coming through the phone, you can tell Kendall’s moving away. “I don’t know what’s happening. Shiv thinks everything will be fine, but… I’m just worried, Y/N.”

Your heart cracks. “I’m coming, okay? Give me like an hour.”

“I… You don’t…” He pauses. “Okay.”

You pick up the pace on the pie. All you have to do now is stick it in the oven. After Kendall hangs up, you hurry upstairs and grab your purse and coat. As the pie bakes, you take everything that’s leftover from the workday and toss it all into a to-go box. You settle those boxes into the backseat of your car, along with the now freshly baked pie, and buckle the seat belt over them. You decide that it’ll be easier to get coffee from nearby the hospital- so that it’s hot and it doesn’t spill.

Your teeth chatter as you get into the driver’s seat and set your GPS. You shoot Kendall a text once you’re outside, and clutching your pastry boxes, you shuffle inside and the receptionist points you in the right direction. As you struggle to press the button to the elevator, the doors open on their own and Kendall steps out, heaving a relieved sigh when he sees your face.

Without saying anything, and ignoring your protests, he takes the boxes from your hands. “I told you not to bring anything,” he says quietly, the tease in his voice not reaching his eyes. “You gave me more than enough in the morning.”

“Do you want to take those up and then come with me to get everyone coffee? I need the extra set of hands.”

He nods, then makes the journey back up in the elevator by himself. You didn’t really need help- cup carriers had been invented ages ago -you just think it’d be good to keep Kendall distracted.

He’s back in no time, and he absentmindedly takes your hand in his as you walk back outside. You trace patterns onto the back of his hand with your free fingers. There’s a coffee shop right across the street, and it wasn’t too cold that you both couldn’t walk.

Kendall pulls you closer to him as you cross the street. Neither of you have said anything, and you weren’t keen on forcing him to talk. You put in the order, and fight him quietly over who will pay. You somehow win, and it upsets him.

“You’re already doing so much,” he tells you.

“And I’ll do more,” you say back with an air of finality. “It’s okay. I want to.”

He lets go of your hand and instead grasps your chin, pulling your head towards him so he can press a tender kiss to your cheek. When all the coffee comes out, with a wild mispronunciation of your name that gets Kendall to crack a smile, the two of you make your way back to the hospital, clutching the carriers.

When back in the warmth of the lobby, he shifts the one in his hands into one palm and takes the one from your hands. “Do you want me to come up with you?” you ask quietly.

“I… I don’t know. Everyone is still processing. Shiv kind of… realized what was happening right before we left, Marcia’s being kind of a bitch, Roman had a panic attack… And I don’t even know where Connor is. I haven’t seen him all day.”

You swallow. “Um, he came into the bakery today.”

Kendall doesn’t say anything. “For what?”

“He wants me to do his wedding. I didn’t question why he was there… I’d thought you knew, honestly, because… because of your dad.”

“I’ll, uh, have to talk with the others.” He leans in to give you a quick kiss on the lips. “Wait for me to come back down before you leave.”

You do.

You both settle in an empty waiting area, both of you squished together on a small love seat you think is eighty years old. His arm is wound around you, and your head is set on his shoulder.

“So your family. They know about… us?”

“Yeah. Pretty much,” he murmurs back. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I should’ve asked you first.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” With everything going on, you really didn’t.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says into your hair.

“I’m glad I came.”

Any time you fall silent with each other, it’s comfortable. You don’t feel like you need to fill it. Sometimes, things don’t need to be spoken out loud for you both to understand.

“Roman ate the entire pie,” Kendall admits after a while.

You bark out a laugh. “That was meant for your father.”

“Nobody had the heart to stop him.”

“I’ll make them both another one.” One of your hands drifts to sit on his abdomen. “I’ll bring more tomorrow. I’ll bring breakfast.”

“Y/N, no, you don’t need to.” His free hand goes to sit on top of yours, pressing it into his skin. “Stay at home. Take a day off. Connor’s going to put you through hell.”

“You’re so encouraging, Ken. I feel so ready for the entire wedding I’m about to cater.”

He takes your hand and lifts it to his lips, letting them graze your knuckles. “Preparing you.”

“What’ll possibly happen? Someone will throw a pineapple?”

“Roman just has that effect on people,” Kendall says, amused.

“Who’s Connor getting married to, anyway?”

Kendall scoffs. “I don’t even know why she said yes. I mean, we all do- for the money.” He looks over at you. “They, uh, met through… lewd services she provided for him.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Her name’s Willa. Connor will kill you if you bring it up.” He litters kisses across your shoulder. “So… don’t.”

“Noted. Any other crazy shit I should know about?”

“Oh, there’s lots. But nothing that’ll blow up in your face like that,” Kendall tells you. “Shiv’s with this guy, Tom. I’m pretty sure she’s cheating on him.”

“That’s horrible.”

“It’s… complicated between them. And he’s… willfully ignorant, so to speak. Out of sight, out of mind.” Kendall takes a moment to think. “Rava and the kids will probably be there,” he says cautiously.

“I don’t mind that,” you say truthfully. “It’s not like I can avoid her forever.”

He sighs. “I don’t think she’ll cause issues for you. I hope not, anyway. If she does, just tell me, okay? Even Roman. He finds confrontation ‘engaging and fun’.” He makes air quotes with his hand.

An hour goes by, the two of you chatting idly. Kendall tells you about how Connor’s probably going to have his wedding in Croatia on the beach and how everyone’s going to be staying in the same gargantuan old timey palace.

“We’re going together, obviously,” he says. “It sounds selfish, but I want to show you off.” You feel the heat rise to your face. “What? You’re fucking gorgeous, Y/N. Own it,” he teases.

Another hour leaks away from you two, and Kendall’s phone buzzes. “Doctor’s out. I’ll be right back.” He kisses your forehead and disentangles himself from you before throwing open the door to the stairway and hurrying away. You stay seated on the ancient cushions, waiting patiently. Deciding to be productive, you type out some recipes you’d been meaning to try out. You already have in mind what flavors you’re going to put out for Connor and Willa to taste- thankfully, you were an organized, put together baker. Their time crunch probably wouldn’t affect your work that much. Or so you hoped.

After an increasingly worrying twenty minutes, Kendall is back at your side. “Everything okay?”

He immediately pulls you back into a cuddle. “It’s what they thought it was. Fatty clogging in his artery.”

"Which one?”

He pauses. “The one to his brain. They’re worried he’s going to have a stroke in his unconsciousness.”

You give his arm a squeeze. “He’ll be okay, Ken. Don’t worry. You can always transfer him to a specialist institution if you get more concerned.” You give his bicep a kiss.

His muscles flex lightly under your touch. Despite everything, it makes you giddy. It gives you butterflies.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything will be fine,” he says, trying to convince himself. “Everything will be fine.” He rubs across the small of your back. “It’s late. Go home, Y/N. I’ll call you in the morning, okay?” Kendall kisses you on both cheeks and then your forehead.

“Promise you’ll get some sleep?” You offer him your pinky finger. He smiles, light that had been devoid from him the duration of this hospital stay returning in this instance.

He hooks his pinky around yours, then leans in and kisses you. “Pinky swear. Scouts honor.”

You cup his face in your hands and give him a final, short kiss. “Good night, Kendall. Tell everyone to take care, okay?”

He walks you out to your car, refusing to let go of your hand until you close your car door on him and drive off.

Once home, you quickly check your work emails. You find one from Willa, succinct and polite. She asks to meet you the next day, so the three of you can go over the menu. She kindly tells you that she doesn’t expect you to have any samples- she’s made it clear she just wants to talk. You have a strange feeling it’s going to be more than just about dessert.

You send her back a response, giving her confirmation, and sink into your couch. Despite your exhaustion, you can’t bring yourself to go to sleep. Kendall had texted you, asking if you’d gotten home safe, and now you were absorbed in a conversation on how he wants to buy a pocket square for the wedding to match your dress. His messages come in between large increments of time, so you turn on some trashy reality TV show to distract yourself. You hope he’s okay. Maybe you can convince him to let you stay longer tomorrow, or the day after, or maybe force him to go home and get a good rest.

After a particularly long pause, you send him a text good night. You fall asleep face down on your couch, a sweater Kendall had left behind cradled in your arms.

#succession #succession fic #succession hbo #wambsgansshoelaces #kendall roy #succession x reader #kendall roy x you #kendall roy x reader #something sweet #x reader fic #x reader fanfiction #succession fanfiction

[justaghostingon]

The Yiling Laozu’s Lost Spells part 2 AKA Chaos in Canon

 part 1 

Wei ying and mo xuanyu were originally planning to just run away, but alas, the Mo family plus the lans plus a freaky hand get in the way

Seriously, what was with that freaky hand? Mo Xuanyu’s used to working with weird stuff but nothing like that. Was that what normal cultivators deal with?

He tries to ask Wei Ying, but Wei ying is to busy freaking out over Hanguang-jun showing up, and what if he saw me???!

Mo xuanyu (excited to see his OTP happening): If you’re worried about looking your best, I can help with that.

Wei ying: I don’t want to look my best! I’m the fourth most handsome master! He’ll recognize me! I want you to make me look so different he’ll never guess it was me! Can you do that?

Mo Xuanyu, who both the soul of a theatre kid and literal years of petty frustrations to work out, was more than willing to take up the task. (But not too bad, he does want his OTP to reunite after all) Thus Wei Ying becomes his “Poor old senile grandpa.” Complete with artfully drawn wrinkles and a shawl for warmth.

Wei ying is having way to much fun pretending to be senile though, so Mo Xuanyu guesses he lost there. 

As they travel Mo Xuanyu asks him about the talismans. The Radishes, the release statements, the grass butterflies, he’s had literal years to study these talismans and he doesn't know how they work fully, he has questions. 

Wei ying is thrilled to see someone respects him for something other than his demonic cultivation or the sword path he can no longer follow. He is happy to tell him what he remembers, but its not much, he wrote most of them in a sleepy haze at 2 in the morning, and he kind of suspects Mo Xuanyu knows more than he does at this point.

Is Mo Xuanyu mad that his whole job is the result of a guy’s sleepy 2am ideas? A little. But at least the Yiling Patriach seems mostly interested in sticking around and helping him instead of going off to form his own cultivation path with all his fake-ass fans. Take that Xue Yang. They’re gonna do their own thing, and it’s gonna be awesome

Then they run into Jin Ling

Jin Ling does not take well to seeing his Uncle who one day was there, serving him tea with a peacock tail, and the next day was gone and everyone started calling an incestuous cut-sleeve. He didn’t even say goodbye!

 Wei ying does not take well to Jin ling not taking well, and proceeds to insult him. 

Mo xuanyu slaps a hand over his mouth and says to ignore his “poor senile grandpa”

Wei Ying: Yeah! Respect your elders kid!

Mo Xuanyu: shut up I am begging you

Wei Ying then tries to use a talisman to release little apple but grabs the wrong one

It was the peacock tail one

Mo Xuanyu tackles Wei ying

Jiang cheng comes into the scene to see his nephew and his nephew’s weird uncle have peacock tails, the latter of which is wrestling an old man under a donkey still caught up in the nets.

Jiang Cheng: ....Weird shit?

Jin Ling (nodding): weird shit

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Hanguang-jun appears to free Little Apple, and see Mo Xuanyu and “the old man” rolling around in the dirt.

There’s no way Mo Xuanyu can reveal to him who the old man is now, Not when he saw him rolling in the ground with the love of Hanguang-jun’s life. The assumptions he’ll make!

Mo Xuanyu: I”m taking my very old and totally senile grandpa back on the night hunt now! Bye!

Lan Sizuhi: A night hunt? With a senile elder? Are you sure you don’t want us to look after him until its over? We have Tea!

Mo Xuanyu (shoving Wei ying forward faster): NO thanks! We’re good!

They should have left right then, but they didn’t want to draw any suspicion. That was a mistake

“Did you make this?” Mo Xuanyu yells to Wei ying as they are running from the giant fairy statue.

“No! Why would you think I made it?” Wei ying yells back. “I don’t make every weird thing that happens to us!”

“Yes! Yes you are!”

The statue grabs Jin Ling, and to save him, MO Xuanyu pulls out his most dangerous talisman: the cooking one. 

Now the statue is trying to cook and use jin ling as an ingredient.

Wei ying summons Wen ning just as MO Xuanyu tries again.

Now Wen ning is hit with the cooking talisman. 

There’s a cook off, Wen Ning is winning. Wen Ning makes rock soup out of the statue. Wen Ning is now trying to force the juniors to eat it. The juniors are crying. So is Wen Ning.

Mo Xuanyu realizes one of the is going to have to hug the ghost general to make this stop. He is not doing it. Even if the ghost general is kinda hot for a corpse. He’s not risking getting fed rock soup.

Wei ying does it.

And jiang sheng comes in. Again.

Jiang Cheng: Wei WuXian! 

Mo Xuanyu: NO it was to release the spell I swear!

Jiang cheng whips Wei ying. Mo Xuanyu watches with baited breath, terrified he’ll have lost his friend before he even really got to know him. Hanguang-jun jumps in to Wei ying’s side but its to late, he’s hit. He goes down, But to the shock of all of them, Wei ying gets back up.

“You whipped me!” He says in his absolute worst old man voice. “Unfillital! No respect for your elders! Hitting old men who can’t defend themselves, what has this generation come too? Humph!”

Hanguang-Jun gently helps him to his feet, placing himself between Jiang cheng and wei ying. Wei ying blushes

“Oh now here’s a polite young man,” Wei ying leans into Lan zhan’s space. “And so handsome too! I could eat you up!”

Wei ying thinks he’s being that annoying type of elder who pinches your cheeks and makes lan zhan want to leave quicker. Mo xuanyu wishes Wei ying would stop flirting with his boyfriend before he gets them caught.

“Mark your words,” Goes Lan Zhan, sweeping up Wei ying in his arms.

Mo xuanyu wants to faint.

“why is Hanguang-jun taking that old man?” one of the juniors mutters

“It’s a cutsleeve thing!” MO xuanyu blurts out. “We like older men!” then winces at the very stupid excuse. 

“You would know.” goes the junior nastily. Mo Xuanyu wilts, remembering for the first time in a while what all these people think of him.

Jin ling proceeds to hit said junior in the back with his bow. No one insults his uncle but him. 

 “You’d better come with us,” Lan Sizuhi offers, slipping beside Mo Xuanyu. “You'll be a welcome guest at Cloud recesses, and you’ll want to be with your grandpa of course.”

“I’m allowed?” Mo Xuanyu asked, remembering that Lan Xichen was close to Jin Guangyao. He’d been certain they’d heard the rumors and didn’t want him anywhere near their precious pure cloud recesses. 

“Of course,” Lan Sizuhi smiles. “As if we’d ever ban the brave hero who saved Hanguang-jun and all those rabbits.”

“And the flowers,” Mo xuanyu reminds him, and follows. 

#the yiling laozu #yiling laozu lost spells au #mdzs au #mdzs #mo xuanyu #wei ying #wei wuxuan #hanguang jun #lan zhan #lan wangji #lan sizuhi #Jiang Cheng #jin ling #I thought i could get all the rest of my ideas in one part 2 but I was wrong.

[the-travelling-witch]

HOLLY HATES GRANDPAS (zhongli) CONFIRMED/j

I actually really like the thought of Xiao and his relationship being a bit darker I mean didn’t Xiao kill thousands of “people” and creatures for him? I’m not educated on his lore but I know Xiao was some type of warrior to Morax when he was a god? Archon?

Holly I would love to hear your thoughts on it

okay where do i start with this… no seriously where do i start

You said you don’t know much about Xiao, so let’s start there (coming from someone who might know a little too much about him jshsh).

Basically, yes, you are correct that Xiao was fighting for Morax alongside the other Yaksha and Adepti during the Archon War after Morax saved him from his enslavement to an ancient god and gave him the name “Xiao”. Because of his gratitude to Morax, Xiao took on the duty to protect Liyue, something he still does to this day.

Now, what I think is important to mention here is that Xiao is still referred to as a “young adeptus” even in present times, so during the Archon War approximately 2700 years ago, he was much younger still, meaning he was enslaved from a very very young age. (My personal headcanon is that he had golden wings originally and that they have been cut off/ clipped/ ripped out by the ancient god when he was first enslaved.)

But Xiao was not alone in protecting Liyue. He had four fellow guardian yaksha, who were all very dear to him, but who tragically passed after succumbing to what is known as “karmic debt”. Karmic debt is the residual wrath of slain gods, whose hatred and power remain after being defeated due to them being immortal. It causes a physical and mental toll on those who are subjected to it, especially continuously over long periods of time, like the yaksha.

(There were more than these five yaksha, of course, like Pervases, but I’m talking mostly about the five guardian yaksha.)

In the perilous trail quest line we learn more in depth about what happened to the four other yaksha; Indarias succumbed to madness and fear, Bonanus and Menogias killed each other in battle and Bosacius fought in the Chasm during the cataclysm after even forgetting his own name.

Xiao wasn’t unaffected either. Had he not heard Venti play the flute, he would have lost himself to his karmic debt too, which is not unsurprising considering he has been fighting the remnants of gods from the Archon War all this time.

(I feel we are now leaving hoyo’s plane of storytelling and entering my plane of angst, so everything from here on out is interpreted through the messenger that is me… but you guys love my angst right)

And Zhongli isn’t the harmless, senile grandpa who forgets his wallet all the time (which he totally does on purpose) as he makes himself out to be. When Xiao first met him he was the Warrior God, Morax.

Surely, during a war, for someone like him, the first thought on his mind wasn’t how the people around him felt but how he could best utilise the weapons at his disposal to ensure victory.

And Xiao happened to be one of those weapons.

If you look at what Xiao did during and after his enslavement, it’s not much different, is it? He still, as you said, slaughtered and slayed countlessly, just under a different leader.

And sure, the difference here is that Xiao accepted it willingly this time around, yet, as I explained earlier, I think that he was still very much within his formative years (decades? centuries?) back then, where he, for one, learnt that apparently killing is what he was good for. But also, of course, he would perceive Morax as this “good” person who freed him and who he wants to support; and at first glance, there’s nothing wrong with that.

We also see, however, that Xiao holds Zhongli in a higher regard than pretty much anyone else. Even nowadays he still refers to him as Rex Lapis and dares anyone to speak ill about him (or Morax for that matter) though Zhongli has retired both of those names already. Yet Xiao of all people clings to it.

Also what kind of (good) father would let his son literally work away to the brink of insanity?

Yes, I’m aware that Zhongli inquires about how Xiao is doing and that he has medicine made for him (which he doesn’t deliver himself), which is fine and all but also… too little too late huh? It also means that Zhongli is aware of the state Xiao is in and he never bothers to walk his old ass over to Wangshuu Inn and tell the guy to stop? We went over how loyal Xiao is to Zhongli; you’d think he’d listen if he earnestly told him to rest, the old geezer is the reason Xiao does all this protecting in the first place.

And don’t think I forgot about the chasm quest, oh no. I know Zhongli saved Xiao just in the nick of time and we all cried at the cutscene, and I cried so much but also… why does this retired grandpa have to show up so late? He couldn’t have stopped looking at silk flowers two minutes earlier, before Xiao took on the physical and mental toll of sacrificing himself? Sure… if you say so…

(Though probably not his intention, you could read it as another sign of “You are still here because of me” or Xiao could be encouraged in feeling like he once again owes his life to Morax.)

But, what is even more heartbreaking, is how Xiao had been ready to make the ultimate sacrifice this entire time (shown by how he asked Yanfei about what a will is and if anyone could make one). Where do you think that mindset came from?

(Okay, Holly, calm down. Don’t throw hands with the geo grandpa… leave some for Neuvillette.)

And I’m not saying that Zhongli would still make the same decisions today that he made back then or that he is proud of what he has done. Actually, I think he’d feel quite guilty now that peaceful times have been established and he is in the position to take a step back and reevaluate, which is probably where his attempts at healing come from. I’m not saying he is a fundamentally bad person.

(Zhongli: “We did not measure right and wrong during the days of the Archon War in the same manner as we do today.”)

I’m saying that the circumstances of their first meeting lastingly formed the base and nature of their relationship.

I don’t think Zhongli has bad intentions, yet he also doesn’t address their past dynamic either and after what we established, we can assume Xiao wouldn’t either, which is probably why Zhongli reckons it is okay to let the topic rest.

(comment by @watatsumiis: “i feel like xiao literally isnt equipped to bring up these sorts of conversations. he just thinks how hes living is totally normal. like if you were to really twist it, YEAH their relationship could be like a father and son dynamic but in the way that like.. zhongli is a more mature and well rounded person than xiao is and because of his emotional experience he should be the one taking the lead and helping to guide xiao in these situations, even if that means starting the hard conversations.” Thank you for putting into words what my 1am brain couldn’t <3)

When he tells Xiao to go and make and meet friends he probably has very good intentions and there is care there. But we also know making connections is something Xiao is very afraid of, no matter how much he craves having a connection to someone, because he is scared to taint them with his karmic debt.

I also want to reiterate that the god who helped Xiao most with fighting against his karmic debt was Venti, who Zhongli labels as a useless drunk… just saying.

You could say that Zhongli tries to move their relationship from master and weapon to something more familial but his attempts are a little clumsy, probably because their history just runs very deep and old roles are hard to let go of.

To me, Xiao is a character with childlike curiosity but also the resoluteness and stoicism of someone who was forced to grow up too fast. And in a happier ending, someone close and dear to him (me, it’s me) can help him reevaluate his purpose and bring more nuance into a pretty black and white view on things.

However, @/watataumiis and I have been moving into a completely different direction ofc and I won’t spoil what it is here but I’ve been thinking about it a lot since then (and naturally I immediately started self shipping shenanigans bc I can’t not insert myself when Xiao is involved :])

And with that I conclude my crazed ramblings <3

(Again, not saying Zhongli is a bad person or anything, and this also not necessarily the basis on which I write him in x reader fics; you know me, I just like exploring avenues like this. Also I feel like I’m forgetting half of what I wanted to say, but that’s kinda typical; just know that I feel like there are more angsty thoughts under the smooth surface of my late night brain.

And while it’s not my cup of tea, I’m not trying to put down anyone who does see them as a functional father/son dynamic; there is nothing wrong with wanting that fluffy found family comfort ^^)

#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡ #┊✩彡 unsigned letter ♡ #i have a draft somewhere where this is somewhat topical #but i scraped it lol / didn’t finish the other characters #anyway #an ask where i get to be angsty and a hater? sign me up #also didn’t really proofread this #don’t @ me #/lh #genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin zhongli #zhongli #xiao

[giogio-gucci-gangstar]

Melone came to me in a dream and told me to write him some smut. So here’s the first part of this monstrosity, I’m sorry.

Cyber Sex: Melone x Reader PART ONE

Warnings: stalking, medical kink, porn, very dark humor, reader thinks it would be kind of sexy to be dissected there’s nothing wrong with her she just thinks it would be kinda fun and in no way relates to the author (me) and my mental state (will be explicit in coming chapters)

Summary: when you get bored you like to message men on tinder unhinged things and see how far they’ll go trying to hook up. So far your best was getting a man to say he’d cut off three toes if you bought him six shots, which was kind of pathetic.

——————————————————————————

It was one of those night, the really dark long boring ones. Like most of them were… no one told you grad school in another country would be so isolating but fortunately your trusty undergrad boredom solver was able to continent hop with you.

You called it “playing tinder”. You started freshman year of undergrad in the states with the boys who lived above you. You’d take one of the boys phones, swipe right on every girl, and say the most unhinged things you could come up with and see how long it would take for them to unmatch. It was like mad libs but for drunk people who wanted to fuck. A great, morally neutral, pass time.

You scrolled through your matches with a glass of wine. For the man on ice skates who “liked the Beatles” you sent “how many beetles can you fit in your mouth?” To the man with fiery orange hair who had messaged you “shiiiiiit yes pls” you replied “omg amazing I didn’t even have to ask, thank you so much for letting me harvest your organs”. For the special looking man who had multiple ponytails and started with the ever boring “what’s up?” You replied “my little sister just poisoned our whole family, except me and my senile uncle, by dousing the sugar for blackberries in arsenic :,(“. And lastly to the shockingly pretty purple haired man on a motorcycle you messaged, “Wanna role play going through the Egyptian underworld?” That was good enough for now, should reap some interesting conversations in a few minutes if Italian men were as horny as all the American ones.

You put your phone done for a second to pour some more wine. It was fine, you definitely weren’t an old lonely lady using men for entertainment. If anything it was more morally acceptable than going out and fucking them all. Your tension eased as your phone buzzed a few times against the table. The bait had worked for someone.

“Beatles, not beetles. Why would I know how many beetles could fit in my mouth? It would vary wildly depending on species” Clearly not a real Beatles fan. Next.

“Lmao idk I like my body as it is but I like yours more” kind of sad? You just said you wanted his organs and he’s still trying to hit it? Next.

“That sounds terrible” boring, where’s the drama? Why did he not know you just summarized We Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson? Clearly illiterate. Next.

“Anubis, is that you?”

Oh? This one piqued your interest. This was someone you could have some fun with. You swiped back to look at his profile, a guy going by Melone, the pretty purple man on a motorcycle. Looking more closely you saw he also had a sheer eyepatch, which was a fashion choice, and was often depicted working on a computer. He must be in tech or something. Weird for a guy like that to be in Naples though, usually they were all up in Rome. Oh well, who were you to judge your source of entertainment for the night.

Melone: Anubis is that you?

You: okay wow you’re really starting in the middle of things. Before I can measure the weight of your heart against a feather I’m gonna have to remove it. Just protocol.

Melone: Of course of course, but wouldn’t sucking my brain out of my nose with a straw come first? Do you even have enough linen and salt to preserve it properly?

He was brilliant. He could banter AND knew exactly what you were talking about? Perfection. You cozied into the couch and prepared for a long night of texting.

~~~~~~~~~~

Melone was dangled over the kitchen counter messaging you until you fell asleep and stopped responding. He knew you had fallen asleep because in the few hours you had been chatting he had been able to pin point your IP address (and silently judge you for not having a VPN in case someone scarier than him should come along). But now that he wasn’t distracted by all of your cute little texts, the real work could begin.

He started prowling through your social media. So basic he knew, every sorority girl with half a brain could fact check someone on Facebook or Instagram. He just wanted to see your face from different angles, and to confirm that your personality and wit followed from platform to platform. He was very pleased to find that you had several fake instagrams, twitters, and tumblrs. Different names, but same general tone of character, never interacted with each other. A crude but simple system, all it would take for someone to link the two would be some simple tracking, but that was more than a recruiter or school would do so he supposed you were safe.

Your more professional and less used sites showed your undergraduate degree, what you studied, what you were studying, boring things that you’d be asked at any forced mingling scenario. He wanted to know more, he wanted to know what you were posting on tumblr when you first joined in 2011, he wanted to know everything about you, not just the curated photos you wanted people to see.

Next was your search history, just basic things like summaries of the last House of the Dragon episode, best espresso bars near you, etc etc. but then they got a little more interesting, human tongue, lobotomy, live lobotomy, ice pick for sale, is grave robbing legal in Poland, shibari, homemade cyanide, antique Etruscan poison pendants. I’m your defense you had searched these on private mode, but nothing could ever be private between lovers could it? And you certainly were his style of fun.

He saved the Twitter account with no photo, no description, and no followers for last. Something told him it was where you would keep everything you didn’t want even your online personas associated with. He nearly started drooling when he saw the first porn gif. A little basic, just some tits bouncing, but that could be improved. Namely they could be your tits bouncing and his face could be between them, but he enjoyed knowing you were at least a little perverse.

#jjba #golden wind #Melone #Melone x reader #this is essentially self insert #these are all things I’ve sent to men on dating apps #I’m not a horrible person I just think it’s funny #wish I’d met a Melone tbh #jjba melone #melone jojo #jjba part 5 #vento auro #jojo giorno #bruno jojo #la squadra

[omentranslates]

Owari no Seraph chapter 122 full english fan translation

PLEASE BE AWARE OF SPOILERS, THE OFFICIAL ENGLISH WILL NOT RELEASE UNTIL THE 10TH!!!! I've gone through the chapter for anyone who would like to read it before then, thank you for reading!

Chapter 122: Calories Spent on the Journey

Mika: Alright then, I'm going in.

In a beat up shack within the sea of trees (Aokigahara)

Mika: We're gonna go take a look at the past.

Yuu: Yup.

Mika: I'm going then.

Yuu: Oh, he vanished. Guess I should get going too then.

Mika: ….what time period is this??

-

Ancient Greece

-

Mika: Oh, Yuuchan

Yuu: Hey, Mika

Mika: Why did you turn into a kid?

Yuu: Could ask you the same.

Mika: Oh, I guess it's more energy efficient this way, being small like this. It's almost like you have the desire somewhere to go back to when you were this small.

Yuu: Ah, well yeah. Since everyone was alive then. So, where are we? It looks like we've gone back SUPER far. I sure have lived a long life.

Mika: It's like it belongs to someone else entirely. These are all more or less your own memories, nothing looks familiar at all?

Yuu: Maybe I went senile from living so long.

Mika: Oh true, you do always kinda look like your head's empty.

Yuu: HEY.

Mika: AH, AH WAIT YUUCHAN. HIDE!

Yuu: What

Yuu: What's wrong-?

Mika: SHH!! The first is here!

Yuu: Huh? Oh, for real.

Mika: I wonder if they'll notice us here…

Yuu: How is he here? Aren't these OUR memories?

Mika: Well, yours.

Yuu: Feels like your memories as a demon are mixed in here too though, to me anyway.

Mika: Oh….well….

Yuu: Here they come.

Mika: Shut up!

Mika: Yeah….I guess it's ok to come out now?

Mika: Hmmmm….still scary. Didn't he find us the last time we were looking in the past like this?

Yuu: Well he was really close already that time, wasn't he? Do you feel it now, do you feel him?

Mika: Just a little. It's super far away though, like he's become incredibly weak. I wonder why?

Yuu: I wonder…

Vampire Scientist: KEEP UP THE RESISTANCE, DON'T GIVE HIM AN INCH!! MORE MEDICINE, HURRY UP, DO IT NOW!! ONE MISTAKE AND LORD RIGR IS DEAD.

Rigr: Now then, First. I'll be looking inside you.

Yuu: HEY, OLD GUY. CAN YOU SEE ME? He can't, right?

Mika: So then, he can't bump into us or anything either?

Mika: OOF

Mika: NOPE, WE CAN STILL GET KNOCKED AROUND.

Yuu: They can't see us though, what's with that?

Mika: The things in our memories can't see us because they're just memories. But we can still touch them, they're the same as the ground we're standing on I guess?

Yuu: So the First and them can't see us either then? Since that's the First from the past?

Mika: I think so. But….

Mika: If we can be touched, we can take damage in an attack. So I still think we'd better not get too close.

Yuu: Yeah? Alright, well if he finds us out we'll just run anyways then.

Mika: Right, let's do that.

Yuu: And while we're running we can get a feel for this memory of the past. So where to next?

Mika: Shouldn't we see where the First's group was coming from? In the memory we just saw there was that giant mansion over there.

Yuu: Oh, true, there's that.

-

The Court of the First

A massive space in the ground underneath it, containing a single coffin.

-

Mika: Oh, this place! We've seen this before!!

Yuu: Oh, yeah, where your super beautiful doppelganger is! In that box, right?

Yuu: Look he's here, Mika: beautiful edition!

Mika: Is that really me?

Yuu: Doesn't it look just like you?

Mika: Well-

Yuu: And he has wings. He's an angel.

Mika: This is the First's child, right? That's what he said?

Mika: ….hey, what's wrong Yuuchan?

Yuu: Oh…I just remember this somehow. I used to be stuck to this glass like glue.

Mika: Really? Can you remember any more than that?

Yuu: ….no dice. I can't remember. I know it, though. I was always pressed up against it talking.

Mika: Talking to who?

Yuu: To him.*

Mika: He can talk? I thought the First said he was dead.

Mika: Hey, Mr. Looks Like Me, can you please say something??

Mika: What kind of stuff did you talk about?

Yuu: Hmmm….I can't remember. This is kinda painful, I remember it like up to my throat, but it won't reach my brain.

Mika: I'm pretty sure your throat isn't where you remember things but

Yuu: Come on, what did I say??? It's….it's….no good. I'm not getting it.

Mika: But you were talking? To the corpse?

Yuu: Yeah. Don't you remember anything?

Mika: Huh?

Yuu: Well if this kid IS you, won't you have his memories?

Distant voice: Miiiiikaaaaaaa, Miiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaa

Mika: Maybe…..there might? Be something? Or not? Maybe some massive idiot who wouldn't shut up going "Mika Mika"

Yuu: hey isn't that me….?

Mika: Yeah well it could be a recent memory too. You do this a lot.

Yuu: I do not.

Mika: Sure man.

Yuu: Anyways, I think that's all we'll find out from staying here. Let's go further back.

Mika: Yeah. So how far back can this thing go, I wonder? Just how many years HAVE you been alive?

Yuu: Who knows?

Yuu: I wanna find out too, so let's get going. How do we go further back?

Mika: I let loose the power I get from your desires. And force us back.

Mika: …ah, Yuuchan you're running on empty.

Yuu: What, already? I was just doing nothing but eating, though.

Mika: I know, but go eat some more. I'll keep trying to go further into the past.

Yuu: Mmk, got it. See you then!

Mika: Laterrrr

Yuu: Aaaaaah, hell yeah! Going on adventures just the two of us is so fun!!!

stomach growling

Yuu: Oh damn, I was hungry. I'm gonna pass out.

Yuu: I'll have to eat a lot so we can go SO far back.

Mika: Yuuchan, Yuuchan!

Yuu: Oho?

Mika: You've eaten enough, we're good now. The path to the past has opened up, it goes SO far back.

Yuu: Ohoho?

Mika: …I have no idea what you're saying. Just hurry and come back. This….this is so far into the past…it's scary.

Yuu: unintelligible food in mouth noise

Yuu: Ok.

Yuu: Wow, you've sure been working hard, huh?

Mika: Because that door to the past wouldn't budge for anything.

Yuu: Door?

Yuu: Oh, that. So that's connected to the memories deepest in the past?

Mika: Yeah.

Yuu: You sneak a peek?

Mika: Only a little.

Yuu: What was it like?

Mika: You should see for yourself, it's totally fucked in there. If these are your memories, I have no clue what you are.

Yuu: I'll take a look then.

Yuu: Open up, past of mine. Let's see what the hell you are.

The past even further back than Ancient Greece, what's inside it is….!?

To Be Continued

*T/N: Yuu uses an affectionate term to describe the angel Mikaela, （子）. It means child or sometimes girl, but can be used generally for anything you're fond of and is notably distinct from everyone else using the more general term for a child when talking abt the corpse.

#owari no seraph #english translation #spoilers

[the-firebird69]

If something's wrong going on here I see what he's saying he goes in there and every single person has something stupid to say it's the same with me but I'm kind of used to it but he's not in any way at all he's saying to shut the f****** get out of his way and you're dead I'll tell you what I see most you die cuz you're old to crap and you lose your s*** and that's what they need to fight Tommy f just like you signed him to so he's using you as a basket eggs and you're stupid enough to not to know it now I know cuz I seen you in the stuff go somewhere

Garth

It's probably shared between myself Tommy F and them and foreigners and as you guys why don't you complaining threatening terrorism to get your stuff back that you can find a way this morning without our permission and you all left severance check in hand

Mac

Who is Mark you finally noticed it's the end of it

Thor Freya

I sort of get that statement I can't believe it's so f****** boring for him. Yeah I can he's just sitting there and misery and heat listening to our f****** stupid senile yammering. I got all sorts of things to do and I'm sitting here talking about the stupid s*** again he's retards are on the way f****** around with everything in this stupid that's what it is and everyone says it does nothing even talks about it kind of people talking and talking tell him stop talking about and do something and start working

Mac

It's me but they're having me do it you're like what are you having to do that for it's started up again and all sudden they said a little bit so going after it. And it's them these retards. So they like bugs okay you got to go out and get a rip them out I get a spray down some poison to get rid of the ones that stay in other words so they're all gone I agree with you she's still have to go there so dumb and sit there and bother you you need to be paid for that so he said the last part I agree I'm working on something to do to them here I can't stand them being so insulin and us doing nothing and he's ordered it he cannot let them do that to us so I'm going to stand up to him because people need to see

Thor Freya

I'm staying up to him I stand up to John Reema Lord everyday you get to my way and move them out of the way he's staying there and I can get away with pushing him out of the way I push him out of the way he starts taking my stuff I start having people kill us so stupid son of a b**** and these people and I don't want to do that I want my people to get in here and do the work

Zues Hera

Haven't talked to respond to this like this I'm coming in there to do the work because we must and our Superior and you have been ordering it and we've been doing the work as you know but out there and really these people so dumb and so mean and so lame nobody's going to care as a matter of fact they want to replace them so their arguments our moot. We've ordered several teams to come in here and examine it closer because of reports that you're sons and daughter-in-laws and daughters and sons-in-law said it's a perfect report the details what they're doing and how they're acting and we find it very strange because they said when you're going in there and you're doing day-to-day stuff it seems very weird what they're doing seems odd when you see him doing it as a spire agent it seems normal so the contrast is very steep and our son says well they're trying to locate using the contrast and they turn it off and on and we do see something that's what they're doing and I did the experiment Thor Freya say and we did hand it out but it is a brilliant observation because they're still doing it. This curious cuz he knows about it but the part that he stated that was on was he's very annoyed by it is he still in spy mode he's just acting normal and they are horrendous assholes when you're in that mode they're massive assholes to you they want you to blend in or get out that's I started saying a****** stuff, he looked at me in the eye and said are you quite prepared to die grab them by the throat it started squeezing it I said are you. And said no and said you're going anyways and it's by my father's order I don't want to hear you anymore so I crushed his throat the guy died staring at me trying to say stuff my father had the listeners tell me later when he was thinking all those idiots that I killed like that and that guy I was appreciative cuz I don't want to hear all that stuff unless it's important they look me in the eye and said I don't want to ever hear from these idiots again they're so damn dumb they're begging for it to the last second. Now my father said it should be an easy out when you come in here and you're looking around all day what are you saying what are you saying. Now that was abomination and she abomination in the background and they say this we can't stand these people in their joke and waiting for them to fall dead and he don't seem to want to or be able to I'll be able to want to. Something's holding them alive and it's not us and they're messing up their entire realm trying to say are they let us go from the stupid s*** are you going to pay for it and they're not saying it out loud. That's what I got from now part of it is the other part is just s*** everybody on Earth for stuff they want and it's dangerous we have to act on it most of it was the last part like 95% it's a waste of time doing what you're doing here and put the Gorda in Port Charlotte you're a bunch of puke ass lazy pieces of crap I'm going to take advantage of it right now

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

We're going to do that too right up your razoo

Olympus

[wolfpawn]

The Nicest Asshole in Hollywood

A story I made up last year but only finished today.

Summary - Tom is known as one of the nicest men to work with and when he finds himself on the set of Loki for Disney+, doing a few scenes with Ben Cumberbatch when his friend speaks with a member of the behind the camera crew who is openly hostile to him. Curious as to why that is, he learns she has a nickname for him, the Nicest Asshole in Hollywood.

NOTE - Swearing. Niamh is pronounced Neev. 10K words.

Tom Hiddleston had a reputation as the nicest guy in Hollywood, in film and the world in general, as of course, he did not simply do Hollywood films, he did shows on the West End, Broadway, etc, he would do anything for the fans, do ComiCons even though he had done all the required ones from his Marvel contract, he was happy to meet the fans and allowed his agent sign him down for more. He knew everyone on every set’s name, from the incredible directors he worked with to the catering staff and errands crew. He personally thanked them all after every production with a bouquet of flowers, or chocolates and a card or something similar that he knew they liked from some passing comment. Film crews were elated to hear when they were working with him, from the camera crew to the costume department. He was always polite and good-natured and the only reason he was ever tardy is because he was being nice to his legions of fans and did not wish to say no to them and when he did arrive, he would be perpetually apologetic with regards to the matter.

*

Benedict chuckled as Tom relayed a story of how Bobby decided he seemed to require a bath in one of the ponds of Hampstead Heath on their last walk there by the manner in which he circled his lead around Tom’s legs and seemed to be trying to cause him to fall into the water. “No offence Tom, but your dog is not an evil genius.” Ben dismissed.

"No, he's not but there are days I am convinced he's not as innocent as you'd think either," Tom countered. He stretched slightly. "I'm getting old," he groaned as he felt his body creak slightly.

"It's the hours sitting around in make-up and costume that's the hardest part, I think." Ben rubbed his Dr Strange goatee before getting to his feet. "I can't believe they dragged me here for this."

“We work too well together,” Tom sighed. “We’re our own worst enemies.” “Yes, I...Well, hello, Stranger.” Ben got out of the chair and embraced a woman who had walks towards them smiling brightly at him. He kissed her cheek as she stepped back. “How are you? I have not seen you in some time.”

“Not since Hal was about to turn two, I think. I’m great, How are you? How is everyone?” She looked directly at Ben as she spoke.

“Good, they’re great. Wow, has it been that long? No, we’re great. Sophie will be elated to hear I saw you. She told me you emailed her last week. We were wondering where in the world you were these days.” “Well, Kate asked me for some help on this and who am I to say no to her?” She smiled. “No, I am starting to get a few new jobs around these parts so I jumped at the chance to get into the MCU again.” “Right, yeah, you helped with the first few movies didn’t you?” “Back before this juggernaut came about. In ye olde days of Paramount doing them. God, if I’d have known this when Favreau asked me onto the first Iron Man set that it would turn into this...it’s insane.”

“You did a few of the first ones, didn’t you?” “Everything up to and including Avengers Assemble, then they went for bigger names when Disney bought in and left little old me to go do my own thing elsewhere,” She confirmed.

“So you know Tom, then?” Ben turned slightly looking to Tom who seemed to realise where he must have recognised the woman from, though he would have thought he would recall her better if she was something to do with directors and they had, at the very least, worked together on two projects with Thor and Avengers. He stood forward slightly to say hello to her but stopped when she looked at him, or more actually, the way she barely even glanced at him.

“Yes, sure I was on War Horse too, you twat, or did you forget that?” She laughed at Ben.

Ben winced. “Fuck, you did. How did I forget that?” “You’re getting senile, what are you now, nearly fifty?” “Fuck off.” He growled. “How dare you? What about you, hit thirty yet?” “Sadly thirty and I met and parted ways a long time ago. I guess I had to grow up and act like an adult at some stage.” Her face was stoic and her eyes flickered to Tom for a moment again before turning to Ben and smiling again. “Well, I best leave you both to get ready for work. It’s great to see you again Ben, hopefully, we’ll have a chance to catch up before you are dashing off again somewhere else for whatever great new thing you do next is.” Her face became more neutral before looking at Tom and giving a slight nod before walking off again.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Ben turned to Tom. “What was that about?” “What?”

“The look she gave you.”

“You’re asking the wrong person there. Why are you asking me as though I’ve done something wrong?” “No one who has worked with Niamh that is in any way nice has ever had a bad word with her, the only ones that she is cold to are the assholes, so why is she cold with you?” “I have no idea. I didn’t even remember her until you mentioned she worked on War Horse with us. Who is she?” “Niamh Murphy, Irish, obviously. She is the ultimate in producers. She can juggle anything, blockbusters, Indie movies, anything. She knows her shit. A director wants something, she has it sorted in nanoseconds, she is literally the best I have ever seen and going by the way you’re looking now, you know the name as well.” “I’ve worked on several movies with her but she never seems to be on set. I only get given scripts and such by her assistants.” Tom recalled seeing her in passing a lot but she rarely seemed to be around.

“I...Niamh is incredibly hands-on. I mean, Spielberg always tries to have her on his work. She was on 1917, she never missed a single day. Same with Imitation Game. She is great. I remember when I was on Atonement, she was the one to help me deal with the scenes where I had to be creepy with Juno Temple. She is great.” Tom frowned slightly. “I don’t know…” “Now I’m curious. Did you shag her once?” “Considering I didn’t even know her name, what do you think?” Tom scanned his memory for the limited times he met her. He recalled sending the thank you card and a small box of chocolates to her assistant on every production he did with her, which albeit did not seem as many as Benedict but he always made sure to think of her, even if he could not tell what she looked like. “I don’t think we even ever shared a conversation.”

“That’s peculiar, I thought you would have gotten on with her, she is a very amiable person. Light-hearted and well-read. I genuinely thought you two would be good friends.”

Ben’s bewildered frown caused Tom to see that this was the honest truth. “I don’t know.” Tom wondered about what he had done.

* “Is that everything, Kate?” Niamh walked over to Herron, handing her the permits she had secured for the use of the town the next week.

“Yes, I...where are you going?” “I have to sort the scripts reprint, there was an issue with Wilson’s, three pages were missing.”

“Just so you know, I am never letting you leave.” Herron declared.

“You know me, I won’t until the last roll of film is packed off to the studio.” Niamh walked around the corner laughing before accidentally colliding with someone. “Shite, I’m sorry.” She pulled back to see who she had crashed into. Her apologetic face became neutral once more on realising who it was. “Sorry.” She sidestepped and made to walk off.

“No, apologies, I…” Tom watched as she did not even look back and walked off without so much as another word, making him wonder what her problem with him was.

* Tom studied the manner in which Niamh Murphy reacted with those on set. It was clear she was well-liked. Everyone she interacted with smiled brightly. Ben was only around for a few days but the interactions he saw between them indicated to a true friendship. Wilson and she rarely spoke, but when they did, it was with smiles and laughter. He watched as she interacted with Kate Herron and again, the pair seemed to get on incredibly well, yet she rarely found her way into his company. A script with the added pages that were missing from a previous copy was handed to him by a set hand yet he watched as she gave Gugu, Wilson and everyone else theirs. He felt equal parts offended and genuinely hurt that he did not seem to even be considered to speak with by her. He wondered if he should mention something to Feige on his next visit to the set but knew better than to do so, there was no chance of getting to the bottom of it if he did. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding on her behalf. He did not wish to risk a woman’s career on something so simple so he decided to see if he could catch her for a moment sometime and see if there was something that needed to be aired. He could think of nothing, he genuinely rarely recalled seeing her. He knew her name but not the face as they never really interacted so he could not think of any such even. She was pretty, not what many would accuse of being a supermodel but she was not ugly by any means. He tried to recall if he drunkenly made a fool of himself in her presence or attempted to come onto her, a recollection of either scenario did not come to the front of his mind.

* His first two attempts failed miserably. She seemed to have an extra sense that seemed to know when he was around and would swiftly scarper on the sight of him in some other direction or if they were on set, she would find herself quickly in need of discussing something of some manner of importance with someone to prevent him from being able to speak with her.

Finally, he decided to grasp an opportunity while she and Ben were saying their goodbyes to one another. Tom walked over purposely before Niamh could realise he was there. When she ceased speaking to Ben for a moment, he smiled politely at the pair. “Ben, I know you need to speak with Ms Murphy, but I was wondering if I may have a moment of her time?” He gave his friend a pleading look.

Ben, knowing Tom’s attempts to get to the bottom of the Irishwoman’s lack of time for him, nodded slightly. “I’ll…” “That’s alright, Ben. You don’t have to go anywhere. I cannot think of anything Mr Hiddleston has to say that cannot be said in front of you.” She looked at Tom challengingly.

“I would rather…” He decided that it did not matter. “Very well, I must ask, Ms Murphy, have I done something in our time on set here to offend you in some manner?” Her face was unreadable for a moment before she answered. “On this set, no, nothing.” Tom studied her words. “And on previous sets on which we have shared employment?” She did not answer which in itself was her answer. “Can I ask as to what I did to cause you to do everything in your power to not have anything to do with me?” She seemed to contemplate saying something as she chewed on her cheeks. “Please. I only wish to right a wrong if there is one. I cannot recall such an occurrence but since it clearly had a lasting impression on you, I rather just understand how best to rectify it.” “And were I to not wish for any such rectifications?”

“Please, I just want to know what it is that caused this animosity towards me, surely if you are to actively avoid me, I should know as to why?” Tom felt himself get slightly annoyed by her dismissiveness. The look she gave him made him see that she genuinely disliked him. Part of him hoped it was she had some form of crush or something on him and was keeping her distance as a result but such thoughts died a swift and brutal death on seeing how she looked at him.

“Of course, you would not even remember. I need to ask, Mr Hiddleston, do you recall working on Thor with me, do you remember me being on set? Do you recall that I was there the day you came in for the Thor audition before Ken suggested instead that you try for Loki?”

He frowned and tried to recall those that were in the room, the casting director, Kenneth Brannagh, and two of the screenplay writers, Ashley Miller and Don Payne. There may have been more but he could not recall them odd the top of his head. He shook his head slightly.

“I recall you, though. I remember saying to Ken that you’d be a terrible Thor but you could be dangerous as Loki. You’d give the character sympathy from the audience. To this day, Ken reminds me how right I was.”

Tom did not know what to say to that. Her clear pride in her prediction was blatant.

“Then came time to actually film it, you and Hemsworth, no one knew who either of you were, not unless they watched Home and Away or that show you did with Ken, the name eludes me now. I came to you to give you your schedule, not usually the duty of a producer, I know, but I stated I was heading to the costume department, which was quite close to your trailer and Ken asked me to do so. I was too new to the career to decline such an easy request and Ken is a lovely man, why would I decline such a reasonable one? I get close to your trailer and hear you talking through an open window of it and am elated to know I won't be waking you from a nap or anything only to hear you speaking to Megan, one of the makeup girls. Only I was accidentally made privy to a little conversation between yourself and Ms Reynolds, more accurately, your combined thoughts of those you found yourself working with for the production.”

Tom swallowed slightly, he could not recall the conversation itself but he recalled the very pretty make-up artist he had slept with early in production, something he regretted later. He did it because he had broken up with his long-term girlfriend not long before and was feeling a little lonely over in the US by himself and she was beautiful and fun. He worried about what was to come, he glanced slightly to the side to see Ben looking at him very curiously to see if he knew what was to come next. To his shame and worry, Tom didn’t.

“So Hemsworth got a pass, Hopkins, Russo, Portman, all lovely things. Ken got a glowing review, as did the writers, then you came to, and I quote ‘That girl who looked like one of your little sister’s stupid colourful ponies from when she was a kid’.”

Tom bit his lips together. That was why he did not recognise her as well as he should have from Thor. When she did Thor, she had bright-coloured hair, pink with purple and blue. Most of the set thought it odd. Such hair was common now but she did it before such was popular but he remembered saying it now, he remembered his bed partner laughing as she had made the initial comment on Niamh but he had added to it. Looking at the face of the woman he had so rudely ridiculed now, he could see she had clearly been hurt for a time before she turned such hurt to utter indifference of him. “I…” He looked at Ben who seemed both shocked Tom would say such a thing and slightly angered that he had. He could not think of something to say bar the obvious. “I can only apologise, wholeheartedly. I’m sorry.”

Niamh said nothing in return.

“Niamh,” Ben interjected. “It was years ago, please don’t allow one stupid remark taint working with him. He’s not usually that much of a twat, I can assure you.” “I didn’t. After all, when Steven mentioned what he wanted for Captain Nichols, who do you think recommended one of the most talented emotionally expressive actors they had worked with for the job once I saw the name on the list of potentials? I pleaded with him to listen.”

Both Tom and Ben did not know what to say to that. Working with Spielberg was something Tom had only dreamed of, doing so when he had only been working in Hollywood for a mere moment seemed surreal yet he had and it remained a defining moment in his life. To think the woman he had insulted so horribly had fought for him to get the roles. He could not even force himself to speak.

“Tom is a great gentleman, Niamh, I know you have been exposed to something to the contrary, but he is.” Ben gave Tom a slight glare as he spoke but beseeched Niamh to consider not being so focused on the past.

“Yes, hence my nickname for him.” Niamh gave a false smile.

“Nickname?” Ben knew her cutting wit, he feared what was to come.

“Yes,” She turned to look at Tom, who was considerably taller than her in the eye. “The Nicest Asshole in Hollywood.” With that, she turned and walked away. “And stop giving me cards and chocolate when we work together, don’t waste your money.” She called behind her as she walked off.

Tom and Ben remained in silence for several moments before Ben turned and looked at a suitably embarrassed Tom. “Well, there’s your answer.”

Tom looked at his hands. “I just...I never knew…” “It was unfortunate for you that when you were ridiculing someone, she just so happened to arrive.” Ben was forced to admit it was terrible timing. “I didn’t put you down as someone to bitch people.” “I don’t, you know me.” “I do and the guy I know wouldn’t ridicule a woman in her early twenties for having some fun by colouring her hair, yet you did that. I can’t imagine how hurtful that was, then to add insult to injury, you gave her cards and chocolate after saying those things, acting like it wasn’t a big deal all while she recommended you to Speilberg and in turn, began our friendship even though she was insulted so deeply by it.” Ben shook his head. “You never even remembered saying it.”

“I didn’t recognise her.” Tom tried to justify himself. “Her hair was short and rainbow-coloured before.” “She dyed it back to normal about six years ago if my memory serves me correctly. That doesn’t excuse you saying it though.”

“I need to make this right.” Tom paced back and forth for a moment.

Ben eyed him warily. “How do you mean ‘make it right’? Tom, I love Niamh, she is a wonderful person and a true friend, but she is the most incredibly stubborn person I have ever met. If she doesn’t want to know you, then you are not going to change that, especially with her reaction just there, I don’t see her warming up to you any time soon.”

Tom’s head fell slightly. “I have to do something.”

Ben said nothing more but slapped Tom’s shoulder before walking off.

*

“I have the permit right here.” Niamh pulled out the required piece of paper and looked it over. “Yes, it has the times specifically on it and states we can shoot at that hour, stamped and everything.” She turned slightly to see a shadow beside her, when she noticed who it was she gave a polite smile. “Yes, I will fax that over as soon as I can so you have a paper copy but I will email it to you this second as well so we are all set. Great, thanks, bye.” She took the phone from her ear. “One second, Ben. I just need to sort this, then I am all yours.” “Don’t let Sophie hear you say that.” He joked causing Niamh to laugh slightly. When she sent the email she wished to send, she looked at him to show he had her undivided attention. “This is a great script, but is it the one I was supposed to get because it matches no one else’s? Is this like the movies where we all don’t know what anyone else is doing?” “Shit, let me see.” She scanned the details on the second page. “No, this was actually the original plan for the episode but it was changed because, as much fun as it is, it makes about as much sense as an elephant on a unicycle.” Ben chuckled at her analogy. “This has been missing and an aide is at risk of losing their job because of it so it is great to have it back and for it to have been with you so we know none of the details will get out.”

“The secret is safe with me.”

“Your lines were one of the few things not changed, so if you’ve learnt them, great, if not, I will deliver your actual script to you myself in half an hour. I just need to find the Gaffer and threaten his life first because he is giving lip about doing his actual bloody job.”

“No better woman.” Ben paused for a moment. “Niamh?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She didn’t look at him as she spoke.

“I’m sorry, for what he said.” “You don’t have to apologise for other people’s words, Ben. When we met, you joked about my hair to my face, with a playful smile and no malice. You know I don’t care about other people’s opinions, I never cared if anyone else liked my hair or not, it was the two-facedness of it I had an issue with. Lovely to my face before, saying that and polite smiles and cards after. No, you know me, I am completely okay with people not liking me. I respect honesty.” Ben conceded it was true. He had heard her talking to Sophie before about a director that she worked with that was professional with her at work but made no effort to pretend they were amicable outside of it and she was entirely happy with that, she knew where she stood and was alright with it. “It’s not like him.” “It doesn’t matter. I will murder the Gaffer, hide the body and have that script to you in the half-hour, alright? Excuse me, and if you’re talking to your wife, tell her I will post them to her tomorrow, she knows what I am on about.” “Stop buying our sons everything you see, you’ll be broke and we’ll need a bigger house,” Ben pleaded.

“Never.” She laughed before walking off.

Ben could only shake his head.

* “Coming.” Niamh rushed to the door and opened it before even looking to see who was on the other side, when she saw who it was, her light smile became cold. “Mr Hiddleston, is there an issue that cannot wait until set tomorrow?” Her voice was professional but very much making it clear she was not overly interested in speaking with him.

“I just wished to ask you something on the third page of my script…” Niamh stepped to the side to allow him to enter. Tom did so, noticing that, unlike his big suite, she was in a normal small room which startled him. The small table and chair by the window were covered in all sorts of paperwork as well as binders and folders and paper trays filled with different sheets and booklets and the small desk area that held the tv and tea and coffee supplies was set up like a desk with a laptop, a tablet and a printer, along with further paperwork. “Excuse the mess. I apologise, the man on scripts is new to the scene so he is still finding his feet. It has led to more than a few errors. What seems to be the issue?”

Tom was startled by her professionalism even with the new knowledge that she was anything but fond of him. “There is a significant portion missing. I go from being confronted to being in handcuffs without any form of explanation or even a scene cut.” He pulled out the script. “I apologise for bothering you but Karen is dealing with another matter and asked that I come to you.” “It’s fine, it’s my job.” She took the script from him and scanned through it. “Yes, this is indeed missing an essential part of the scene, I can only apologise for that.” “So this isn’t the only script with issues?” Tom took the small moment to speak with her.

“I wish. No, we are just having a few speedbumps with him being so fresh. I am not sure how he is doing this so early but he isn’t a bad guy, just inexperienced.” “Weren’t we all at the beginning?” Niamh paused and looked up, noting the smile on his face, it was polite and friendly. “Indeed.” She found another copy of the script for the entire episode and scanned through a few pieces to see if they were all there. “That should be correct. I can only apologise to you, Mr Hiddleston for the cock-up.” She extended her hand with the script in towards him.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologise, it’s not even your job. You’re just the one cleaning up all the messes.”

“Well, that is the role of the Producer.”

“I don’t know how you do it. We learnt behind the camera roles in college but seeing what you do...I could not do it.” “Perhaps it is fortunate, then, that they fall to my lot instead of yours.”

Tom paused for a moment as he thought of where he knew that phrase from. “That’s...Pride and Prejudice, isn’t it?”

Niamh’s brows rose, impressed at him for getting it right. “You are correct.”

Tom’s chest puffed out slightly in pride at being correct. He saw at that moment what Ben had been saying when he said that he would enjoy Niamh’s company, she was an intelligent and able woman, someone he could genuinely enjoy the company of.

Niamh watched Tom’s reactions carefully, something she had done after hearing his mocking words about her years before on the set. He had been so polite which angered her all the more. Even now, after being told why she was not overly fond of him, he was being sickeningly polite. “If that is everything…” She half regretted saying it the moment she saw his face alter slightly.

“Ms Murphy, I feel I need to apologise…” “I honestly do not wish to hear it. You apologised already.” “And you do not accept it?” “I’m not obliged to. I accept it, I simply do not wish to be overly friendly with you, Mr Hiddleston. We have very different ideas as to how to interact with people. I have no time for two-faced people, never have.” “But you recommended me…” “My personal thoughts on you do not take from your abilities as an actor. You were ideal for the role.” “Thank you. I...With everything that happened, you may not realise it but you caused me to fulfil a life’s dream to work with Spielberg.” “Steven is an incredible man. I can’t imagine that many would not wish to work with him.”

“I’m sorry,” Tom repeated.

“I honestly don’t know if you realise how much you apologise.” It had been something she realised he was prone to doing.

“I think it more warranted now than ever. I sincerely apologise for saying such horrible things about you. I know you don’t believe me, but I never should have said them and my reasoning for such makes it all the worse.”

That caused Niamh to frown. “I know I am going to regret asking, but why did you refer to it like that?”

“I was never the most attractive person.” Niamh’s brow rose. “No, I am serious, I only had two girlfriends in my life before I became famous, well, even fewer now but I was never overly popular with them. I broke up with my only ever serious girlfriend before Thor because our lives went on different paths and I did not wish to hurt her. It was clear after Wallander, she did not want to wait around, you know?” Niamh found herself nodding, wonder if he would ever get to the point. “Then suddenly, women were interested in me, very beautiful women, and I thought I should entertain their thoughts so they would remain so, even when they were unfounded and wrong.”

“Wow, so you had no issues with my rainbow, or as it’s called now, my ‘My Little Pony’ hair, but said you did because you wanted a good ride?” Tom nodded ashamedly. “You’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.” She walked over to the door. “What makes this worse is I actually liked working with you before that. Ken spoke so highly of you, I looked forward to it. Having to politely smile as Ben spoke of you with nothing but the highest of praise, knowing you were an ass behind it, now to know it was only so you could get some cow into bed that I know from hearing it with my own ears that Ms Reynolds thought little of you too, only the size of your dick preceded you and her curiosity got the better of her. You’ll be glad to know she seemed satisfied with your size.” She put her hand on the handle of the door. “If there is nothing more.”

“I’m sorry.” Tom walked forward. “So you said.”

“But for the added insult also.” “Well, I always wondered why. I wished to find out why me but as they say, be careful what you wish for,” She opened the door slightly. “But I appreciate your honesty, even if it is ten years after.”

Tom felt worse. “I’m so sorry. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Can I ask why this matters to you now? In ten years, you never cared, why now?” “Something Ben said, about how he always thought we would have got along well.” “He said that over the years to me also but such is life. I doubt you will lose too much sleep over it.” “Well, it made me realise something, how I lost out on something great.” “I am not an easy lay, sadly. Unlike Reynolds, I tend to choose my partners with some manner of standard, she simply goes for everyone.” “It is not that I wished to sleep with you.” “Then what about me could ever have possibly interested you?” “Your friendship. Ben swore you were a true friend and I truly feel like I messed up my chance to have one in you.” He walked towards the door before looking at her. “I honestly feel terrible for what I said and for their effect on you. I should never have said them. I apologise for my insulting you further with my gifts of thanks when I had been so callous so unjustly. I am sorry.” He swallowed hard. “I wish I had been a better man and not been so stupid, I let my crotch dictate over my mind and I hurt you and ruined my chance to make a true friend and for that, I don’t think I will ever stop apologising.” He toyed with the script in his hand and walked closer to the door. “I am sorry for taking up so much of your evening.”

“It’s fine.”

Something came to Tom at that moment as he went to walk past her. “I don’t recall see you at Ben and Sophie’s wedding.”

“Perhaps you were not looking well enough. I was there. We actually were staying in the same hotel. But then again, I am good at blending into the background.” She opened the door. “Good evening, Mr Hiddleston.” “Good evening, Ms Murphy.” * “Mr Cumberbatch, I come bearing gifts.” Ben turned and chuckled on seeing Niamh holding a takeaway coffee tray in her hands. “One oat milk latte, ethically sourced, no cow, children or ants harmed in the making of this coffee. Only the environment from shipping it from South America to our pathetic asses here.”

“Thank you. And what about your drink? I would wager you negated all my good work with that. Is that cow’s milk I smell?” “Full-fat cow’s milk.” Ben’s nose scrunched at the thought. “Hey, I don’t shit on your diet, you have no right comment on mine.” “You mock mine all the time or are you forgetting the time you actually paid money to have a bag of rabbit food made and my portion requirements printed onto the damn thing?” Niamh snorted at the memory. “That was brilliant. I am so glad I was able to finally use those stupid maths from school and put them to some use.” “How did you get my weight?” “Your lovely wife.”

“Was she in on it?” Ben asked, remembering Sophie’s reaction to the bag he showed her.

“Hell, no. She’d never have been able to keep it quiet.” Niamh laughed for a moment before noting someone close by. “Mr Hiddleston.” She saluted politely. “I am not aware of your coffee preferences, so I hope you don’t mind if I only got you a plain black coffee.”

Tom frowned, unsure if it was some sort of joke but seeing her extend her hand with the beverage in it, he took it. “Thank you so much. I take a little almond milk usually.” “Oh God, don’t tell me you’re a vegan as well. Has he forced you to?” She indicated to Ben. “Blink twice for yes. I know he’s a pain for that.” “No, thankfully he sees me as half trying.” Tom chuckled, noting Ben’s frown at the two of them.

“I don’t even try. My mother is okay with a lot. My lack of partners has even had her sit me down and ask if I am and I quote “more interested in women” and how that would be fine but if I went home to my beef and dairy farming father and said I was a vegan, I would be disowned.”

“I really don’t know if you’re kidding when you say that,” Ben commented, drinking some of his drink.

“No, I’m serious, even vegetarianism would not be overly welcomed. I wouldn’t do it anyway, dinner is not dinner if it doesn’t have some form of meat on the plate in my opinion.” “My father says the exact same thing. One of my sisters is vegetarian,” Tom didn’t know why but speaking to her seemed so easy. Usually, his guard was up when speaking to new people at first but she seemed so honest.

“Smart man.” Niamh didn’t even look at him before taking her own coffee and throwing the cup holder in the recycling bin. “I better go and pray to some ancient God that no one is looking for me to perform miracles today. I mean, I am probably more likely to find gold or the secrets of the universe, but I can dream, right? See everyone later and if you have a script issue, I don’t actually care anymore, ad-lib it. You know the general gist of the scene at this stage, just wing it. Just don’t come to me about it.” “Was the coffee merely to tell us that?” Ben laughed. “Yes, yes it was. In the kindest way possible.”

Ben chuckled again. “Tom wouldn’t say no to my drink next time, just so you know.” “I’ll keep that in mind,” Niamh called back.

“You’ll need to start a tab though,” Ben warned.

“I’ll just add it to yours. I think you owe me circa two hundred thousand at this stage.”

Ben scoffed as she left. “I think that to be a conservative estimate.” He turned to Tom. “Right, explain.” “What?” “Don’t ‘what’ me. Why is the woman who as she likes to put it ‘Wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire’, getting you coffee?” “I honestly have no idea. I had a script issue, a genuine one and I was told by Herron to go to her about it, so very coyly, I did. There was some talking, mostly me apologising and her indicating that she was not interested and then I left.” “What exactly did you apologise for?” Ben asked.

“I said that I regretted my actions, how I should never have been so shallow and that I wish I had not cost myself the opportunity of such a good friend. That you never stopped singing her praises, how she is a true friend and I messed up the chance of such, for no good reason and that was a pity.” Tom regaled him. “She seemed more annoyed than anything at my explanation.

Ben did not know what to say. “It appears to have meant something to her if she actually acknowledges your existence now. Look, Niamh likes honesty, no BS. She’ll be entirely honest with you. She has a saying she picked up somewhere. ‘I can be honest or I can save your feelings, I can’t always do both’ and she means it and not maliciously. Sophie always feels her opinion means a lot because it’s never out of wanting to hurt you or placate you but actually being honest with you. You don’t get that much on our lives. It’s refreshing, really.”

Tom nodded. Through most of the worst decisions he made, people around him had mostly remained silent. When said bad decisions erupted or fell apart, they then made comments about how they knew such would happen or they had seen it coming but yet had said nothing to him. When asked why they had not said anything, they mostly said that they were his mistakes to make or that they didn’t see it as their place even when more than once, he had specifically asked for their opinions. He wanted a friend like Niamh, who would tell you to your face that she loved you deeply, cared for you and would be there for you as a friend but that what you were doing was fucking stupid. More than once he had heard of her saying that to Ben or Sophie and was envious, he hoped the day would come he could have such words with her too.

*

“Ms Murphy.” Niamh was visibly wincing as she turned to face him. “If I could have a moment of your time, please.”

“Is it about the script, because I honestly was not joking earlier when I said to start ad-libbing.”

Tom chuckled. “I gathered such, and no, it’s not about the script.” She sighed in relief. “Then how can I assist you?” “It’s about my dog.” She looked at him curiously. “I am needed to film on the next location soon, as you, of course, know since you booked it but I don’t want to leave him behind here in a strange kennels in a strange country for a fortnight, it’s not fair on him but according to some of the staff, he is not insured to be on the next location and I was told that if anyone could sort that...” “Okay, get his details for me, age, breed, name and I will have him added but I am going to have to warn you, if you’re easily offended, you’re not going to like that he comes under the same category of property as your laptop and phone and such and I know he’s a living breathing thing and family and all but he is legally classed as property. Also, you will have to sign a form stating that should he become harmed on site, it is your responsibility as a dog is the responsibility of the owner, so he has to be in your control at all times and if he bites, you are entirely liable, not the studio. Understood?” “Perfectly. He’s a great dog, you won’t have to worry. Thank you so much.” “It’s fine, email me the details. “ She handed him her business card. “And I will have that sorted immediately. I will print the form there now, in a minute.”

“Thank…’now, in a minute’...that makes...that doesn’t make any sense.” Tom frowned at the words she had used.

“Nope, not to your lot but in Ireland, it’s a completely acceptable sentence. Welcome to your first class in Hiberno-English.” She shrugged before making a note of what Tom needed.

“Hiberno?” “Comes from the Latin, Hibernia, meaning…” “Winter, well, hibernus, hiberna, hibernum, pending gender of it.” She raised a brow. “I studied Latin in college, sorry. So what is winter-English?” “I studied it in secondary.” She shrugged. “And yes, they mean winter, but Hibernia is the Latin for Ireland so Hiberno-English is a subsection of Irish specific English language.” She explained.

Tom, having never known that, decided to check if that was true or if she was pulling his leg as soon as he was alone. “I didn’t know that.” “They don’t teach you everything in your fancy posh English colleges, in fact, they teach you nothing when it comes to Ireland, hence the blissful ignorance of most British people to your close neighbour.”

“I cannot argue that, my knowledge comes from my brother-in-law who was born there but moved to Britain when he was young and the one time I was there for filming a movie, High-Rise.” “J. G. Ballard’s book, right?” “Yes.”

“I read that, very...obscure.” “Definitely, but fun to film.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” She received an email on her phone. “I won’t take up any more of your time, Mr Hiddleston. I will have that matter dealt with immediately so to ensure your furry friend is allowed to join you and I will again reiterate, don’t bother me with scripts. I am at risk of going sniper in a belltower at this stage from it all.” She joked.

“I will run and hide. And thank you for sorting Bobby, and for the coffee earlier.”

“It’s my job so don’t worry about it.”

*

Tom found that slowly, Niamh was not avoiding him as noticeably. Her assistant handed him the form for Bobby and when he had signed it, told him that if he had any concerns, that Niamh would deal with them directly. A definite step in the direction he had wanted. Slowly, the small talk started, then some joking. Her initial hesitation decreasing and her smiles and playful looks increased.

When it came time to go to the new location a month later, the jeeps were being packed and he was surprised to go to the one he was meant to be brought in only to see the Irishwoman in the driving seat. “Hello.” “How are things?” “Good, thank you.” Tom opened the back door and told Bobby to get in before using the harness he was wearing to clip him into the centre seat. “Is it okay if I go in the front or would you rather I sit here with him?” “Are we the only two for this car?” “I think so. I think Natalia was meant to come too but she hates dogs so she is going with Kate instead.” “As long as he is okay in the back by himself, I can’t see why you can’t.” Tom ensured Bobby was secured and then went to the front seat, securing his own seatbelt as he did. “He is used to being in the front seat next to me but he’ll be fine. Thank you again for securing his coming with me.”

“Sure, it’s not fair on him to be shoved into kennels.” She looked back at the dog who seemed to be incredibly eager to get on the road. “He’s cute. Bobby, wasn’t it?” “That’s him and he’s great.” Tom beamed brightly. “Aren’t you, Boy?”

Bobby sneezed and continued to sit with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth immediately after as his response.

“I think someone needs some air conditioning. It is sort of hot here for four-legged passengers.” Niamh started the car and turned on the air. “Fix it according to his needs, it’s only fair.” “Thank you.”

“Any time.” * The journey to the next location was a good five hours long, made longer by Niamh getting out of the car every hour or so to stretch her legs and to allow Bobby a few moments to relieve himself.

“He can hold it a little longer between stops.” Tom offered. “It’s not nice for him. He needs a drink and some stretching. I wouldn’t do it with my own.” “You have a dog?” “Yeah, he’s with my parents on the farm while I’m here. Long-haired German Shep. Too used to his temperate Irish climate for this hellish climate. He likes to lie on frozen grass, not scorching heat so I thought it would be cruel to bring him over.” “Do you miss him?” “More than I could ever miss a person.”

Tom smiled at how she spoke. It was the same for him with Bobby. When he had a few days of work that he could not bring him on, he only cared about that first moment they were back together again, Bobby excited to see him and that rub and kiss to the top of his head. “I understand that. They’re honest. They like you or hate you. No…” He stopped and realised the irony of his words.

“Don’t you dare apologise again or I swear, I will leave you at this rest stop,” Niamh growled. “I couldn’t be listening to you. I get it, you’re sorry.”

“I am.” She glared at him. “I didn’t say it.” “Say what?” she challenged.

“I am not falling for that.” Seeing the playful grin on her face as a result, he chuckled. “Ben was right about you.” “Ben tends to be right about a lot of things, other than food choices.”

Tom laughed. “I am not disagreeing.”

They got Bobby sorted back in the car and started their journey again.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Tom enjoyed comfortable silences. He did not need to fill every minute with chat and noise for the sake of it but he did want to learn more about Niamh. They had worked together more times than he had realised. She had gone out of her way to actually push his name forward for more than one role and now that she was not giving him hate-glares, she seemed genuinely very interesting.

“That sounds incredibly dubious.” “It’s about your career, not your intimate personal life, I promise.”

She glanced at him for a moment. “Most people would assume my answer to have meant ‘go ahead, ask about my intimate relations with others’ or something to that effect rather than reassure me it is not as worrisome.” “I pride myself in not assuming the meaning of a non-straightforward answer.”

“Well, so long as it is not about my very personal parts of my personal life, you may.”

“How did you manage to get into producing and get so far so young?” “You mean how did I get to achieve what I did before being ancient with no actual links to Hollywood?” Tom nodded. “I actually do. My godfather.” Tom frowned. “My mam’s big brother is a Dublin man by the name of Brendan Gleeson, you may know him.”

“Ah, yes, I know of him. Large red-haired fellow. His son is in a lot of movies too.” “Yes. I got into a film school back home, studied what I needed to, then was very fortunate to have worked with Uncle Brendan and Domhnall when they did a few bits and was able to learn what I needed to learn on the job and was very lucky that a low budget movie wanted someone with a bit of cop on and a small price tag, I was recommended and it snowballed. I was very lucky. Right place at the right time to get my name in the hat and the fact I actually get shit done means I got great names liking me and boom, here I am, no dodgy black leather casting couch moments, thank God.”

Tom’s eyes widened at the reference she made.

“Yes, I know that may seem crass but I know how many people are forced to do such things just to get their name in the door and I was so lucky that Brendan promised my mam he would look out for me. It’s not always the nicest industry.” “Sadly not.” Tom acknowledged. “I know for women especially, there’s a far shadier side of the industry.” “Now, of course, I am accused of nepotism by some, but I obviously have a different surname and my dad’s brown hair negated my mam’s ginger so people don’t realise it but Uncle Brendan just kept an eye on me, he never had the big enough name to demand I get work. People just realised the working our asses off is a family trait when they realise we’re related.”

“It’s not like you can help that he’s an actor. A producer is different.” Tom pointed out. “As I said before, I did some of this in college and being honest, I cannot, for one-second grasp how you do it. Looking at a camera and running lines seems so easy in comparison.” “I couldn’t do that, I love organising too much. My dad used to laugh at me for how I organised the calf registration every year. Apparently, the local vets were gutted when I moved to London because my dad’s forms went back to making no sense and don’t even start on the Department of Agriculture, I got more calls about those forms the first Spring I lived in Britain. I had to actually start taking a week off in Spring to go home for a week to help Dad. Especially when they put everything online, he was gone altogether then.”

Seeing her laugh at family memories, Tom smiled. He had absolutely no knowledge of farming practice, he was not of that background, but clearly, Niamh loved it. “Do you find your name causes issues?” “Only for idiots. I mean, when I first start on a set, there can be a few mishaps. I have been called. Nie-am a lot or Nie-am-huh but when you tell people your name a few times and refuse to acknowledge incorrect versions after that, you find they learn it very quickly then.”

“I find Irish names fascinating. They don’t sound like they are spelt.”

“It’s not a phonetic language.” She shrugged. “My cousins, my family, all of us, we all have Irish names. My brother Aidan, most people get that. Then there’s my idiot cousin Domhnall, you all know him from the few things he is in, he’s sound. Tara is my sister, her name is easy too.”

“Yes. I’m afraid my mother and father kept it very simple. Emma, Tom and Sarah.” “Nothing wrong with that either. So, now, my turn. How does the son of a pharmacist or something to that effect, according to Ben, become an actor?” “My mother was a stage director for years.” “Ah, that explains it. Got the bug from that, then?” “Yes, was it like that for you and your uncle?” “Yes, we went to see them filming Michael Collins when I was a teenager, it’s an Irish film and I was behind the camera watching everyone running around. I am shit at acting, I can’t do the small nuances needed but I love behind the camera and there was this man by the name of Stephen Woolley, I worked with him a few times since he explained to me what was going on. He knows Uncle Brendan and he saw I was interested so he explained what was happening. All growing up, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I got the usual nudges you expect from your Irish farming parents, nursing, teaching, you know but they never appealed to me and that day, it all just clicked immediately. I figured out what I wanted. I did all the research, my mam literally drove me to Uncle Brendan’s the day I told her and he had me go through everything. Domhnall is the same age and he already had it in his head that he was going to be involved in film too so we both ended up studying filming in college and both ended up on opposite sides of the camera in the end, both very happy with our respective decisions. He started in directing and writing but found his way in front of the camera while I am still incredibly happy behind it.” “That’s great that you have family support, I found that important too. Though, my dad took some convincing.”

“I suppose he blamed your mum?”

“Yes, actually. That and my flair for dramatics as a youngster. Dad’s side are…”

Tom began into his background, keeping an eye on Niamh’s reactions to see if she was merely placating him or bored but the polite questions from time to time implied she was paying enough attention to spur him into speaking more.

“I am sorry if I bored you.” “It’s fine, I actually liked getting all this dirty lowdown on you so I can now force you to do as I say on the sets we share in the future.”

It was clear that she was joking causing Tom to chuckle. “So, that’s your secret.” “Yes, people don’t like me, they fear me and being actors, they hide it well.”

Tom laughed again before shaking his head. “Ten years, I missed ten years of your sense of humour for a stupid comment.”

Niamh threw her head back in frustration. “God, I am going to go back to not talking to you if you keep harping on about this, I swear to fuck.” Tom looked at her guiltily. “I’m serious, Elsa, let it go...I...oh, I am definitely going to call you that from now on if you don’t stop apologising.”

Tom hoped she was not being serious but he was grateful it was better than her last nickname for him and he looked forward to seeing if she was because she genuinely seemed like a good friend and it was unusual to feel as though he could be open with someone. He had not felt he could leave his walls down to a new person in years.

When they arrived at their destination, Tom made a slight joke about her driving.

“You know you’re an asshole, right?” She scoffed.

“I may be, but at least I am the Nicest Asshole in Hollywood.”

#Tom hiddleston fic #Tom Hiddleston #The Nicest Asshole in Hollywood #Long fic #one shot

[nalgenewhore]

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

“Lorcan,” snapped a sharp voice. He groaned into his pillow, screwing his eyes shut at the threat of sunlight. 

“What do you want, Maeve,” Lorcan bit out, not in the mood for his aunt’s conniving bullshit this early in the morning. He was here as a favour to his father and nothing, nothing more. “I’m sleeping.” 

“It’s almost eleven o’clock and Miss DuBois will be here at noon,” she hissed, trying to rip his duvet away. Lorcan swore and pulled it back, just remembering that Maeve was forcing him to take Remelle DuBois of all people as his date. He turned onto his back and sighed through his nose. 

“So? The fucking thing doesn’t even start till one, let me sleep,” he protested, flinging his arm over his eyes. “You lost, Maeve. The title is Elide’s.” Neither missed the fact that he said ‘you’, further confirming that his stake was not as… passionate in his aunt’s cause. 

Maeve scoffed dismissively, glaring out the windows into the gardens where workers were setting up for the garden party. The guest list was filled with Terrasen’s elite, all joining to celebrate Elide and Fenrys’ upcoming nuptials. “It’s not over until she puts that damned ring on his finger, the little sneaky bitch.” 

“Don’t call her that.” The words escaped him before Lorcan’s brain could catch up with what Maeve was saying. She paused, looking at him curiously. Lorcan rolled his eyes and got out of bed, “I’m going to change now so do you think you could possibly fuck off?” There was no lost love between nephew and aunt. 

“We are not finished here.” 

“Get out of my room.” 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Fenrys kicked his feet as Elide sat patiently. Lysandra chastised the man, who was already dressed in a grey suit. His tie and pocket square matched her sage green tea dress. It had flutter sleeves and a modest v-neckline. The dress cinched at the waist before the chiffon skirts fell elegantly to just beneath her knees. 

Philippa pinned Elide’s old school, Hollywood curls so they tumbled down one shoulder. She stepped back after applying a light layer of hairspray to ensure it would stay in place during the afternoon. “Now, you’re all ready for the party.”

Elide chuckled. She stood, slipping her hand into Fenrys’ elbow, “You’re a true artist, Philippa.” 

“Oh,” the older woman waved her hands, “nonsense. I had a beautiful subject to work with.” Philippa handed her a lace fan, a sage ribbon hanging from it.

“That you did,” Fenrys said, dipping his head to kiss his fiancée’s cheek. He grinned at Elide’s blush when she pushed him away. 

“Stop flirting with me.” 

“Ugh, I love it when you tell me I’m not allowed to flirt with my betrothed.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and turned on her white and strappy heels. She tugged Fenrys along, shouting a ‘thank you’ over her shoulder to Philippa. Fenrys kept her laughing the entire way to the garden with witty jokes and snarky comments. Elide snorted, trying to keep her composure when they turned the corner and ran into her uncle. 

“Your Grace,” Fenrys said, bowing. Elide curtsied a bit, murmuring his name. 

“Lord Marama, I see you’re still here.” 

“Well, yes, sir. I wouldn’t abandon my fiancée three weeks before the wedding,” he answered smoothly, slipping his arm around Elide’s waist and resting a somewhat possessive hand on her hip. She suppressed the shiver, shuddering for all the wrong reasons, even though Elide knew it was all for show.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” 

Elide nodded, nudging Fenrys towards the doors, “We’re leaving now, uncle. I hope you enjoy the party.” She grabbed the hand Fenrys had on her hip and pulled him away. 

“I doubt it,” Vernon called after the pair as Elide pushed the door open. 

Feeling Fenrys stiffen, Elide dug her white painted nails into his hand, “Leave it. He’s a senile old man.” She glanced back at him, staring him down until he nodded, the muscle in his jaw clenching. “Hey.” Elide stopped short, gripping his chin, “Fenrys, I have lived with him my entire life. You have known him for a week and a half. Don’t, for a single second, think you know what is best for me and how I should handle my abuser.” His eyes broke and she softened, “Fen, I know you have a good heart and that you want to protect me and I-I love that. Really. But, please, don’t try to do what only I can do for me.”  

He nodded, his full lips quirking up at the corners, “Yes, ma’am.” 

Elide clicked her tongue, “Come on, we have a garden party to host.” They walked powerfully to the entrance of the gardens. Before they turned the hedge that would put them in full view of the guests they could hear chatting lively, Elide paused. 

“Hey,” Fenrys said, his brows - lightened to match his hair - furrowed, “are you alright?” 

“Mm-hmm,” she replied, closing her eyes for a second. “Just need a second. I’m fine.” 

The blonde man nodded and slid his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited. A few silent moments later, Elide plastered on a cheery smile that he cringed at, “For fuck’s sake, that’s so scary.” He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, pasting on an equally jarring grin, “Ready, honeybunch?” 

“Let’s knock ‘em dead, sweetie-pie,” Elide chirped, giggling like she had gone mad. Fenrys held out his elbow again, graciously leading her around the bend. 

Someone announced them and they spent what seemed like an eternity smiling, waving, and thanking people for coming. Elide’s cheeks were burning from the strain of her beam when they had finally wrapped up the greetings. 

“Drink?” 

Turning to the bright voice, Elide sighed in relief to see Lysandra there. Aelin and Rowan were standing a few metres off, speaking to some elderly couple - no doubt royals of some kind. “Yes, gods, please,” she said, taking the champagne from Lysandra's hand. She had the grace to not chug it like she wanted to and sipped politely. 

A server passed by with a tray of smoked salmon and cream cheese cracker bites. Elide took one, about to pop it in her mouth when Aelin and Rowan walked over. A flurry of something caught her eye and she peeked around Fenrys and Rowan to see who it was. “Oh, he did not just do that,” Elide cursed, narrowing her slender eyes. 

“Who,” Aelin said, turning to track her cousin’s gaze. When she saw Lorcan standing at the entrance, she figured that was the only thing to set her off. But then a pale skinned, pale haired, and pale eyed woman stepped out from the shadow of his broad frame and Aelin went red in the face. “Remelle? He brought Remelle?”

The boys coughed, quick to turn and stare. Lorcan caught their gazes and sent them a pained look, subtly indicating Maeve, who was standing at a table with a smug look on her face. “Oh, well, that makes more sense,” Fenrys muttered, nudging Rowan, who nodded in agreement. 

Lysandra frowned, scrolling through her iPad. The woman never went anywhere without it, “Maeve… did not tell me who Lorcan’s date was. And I made sure everyone knew who was not permitted and Miss DuBois is–” 

“Lys, please, don’t worry about it,” Aelin assured her dear friend. “It’s not your fault, you’ve done an exceptional job, as usual. It’s just… Maeve being Maeve.” Lysandra nodded, but quickly excused herself. As she left, they all heard her speaking tersely into her earpiece, wanting to know who exactly had been at the entrance when they arrived. All security details were required to know the guestlist. 

When Remelle looked their way, Rowan quickly turned away, his skin crawling as he felt her predatory stare burn into the back of his neck. The king consort twined his fingers through the queen’s, tilting his head to the side, “I’m sure there are more stuffy lords we haven’t said hello to yet. Let’s go do that now.” 

Aelin nodded, flashing him her signature golden smile, “Of course.” She looked at Elide, who was still glaring at Lorcan, who was smiling back at her. To the untrained eye, it would look like a smirk, but Aelin knew Lorcan a bit better than that. His eyes sparkled with delight and affection. 

She glanced at Fenrys, sharing a look with him. Have fun with… that. 

He rolled his eyes, shooing her away, “Go, enjoy yourselves, kiss a bunch of old white guy ass for me.” 

“Oh, I will, I know it’s your favourite, Fenny,” Aelin quipped. With a flourish, she marched off, pulling a somewhat reluctant Rowan behind her. 

+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Hellas, she looks amazing. 

“There’s the little cripple girl,” Remelle said, waving her fingers vaguely. 

Lorcan rounded on her, pulling his attention away from Elide, “Excuse me? Don’t say shit like that, what is wrong with you?”

“Oh, testy, aren’t we,” she purred, reaching a slender hand up to tweak something about his hair. He moved, his reaction swifter than her motion. Remelle rolled her icy blue eyes, huffing slightly and looking down at her sharp nails, “Are you still anal about your hair? It’s just hair.” 

He didn’t even deign to respond to her, knowing she would never get it through her dense skull. Must be all the bleach damage, Lorcan thought to himself. There was no way someone’s hair could be that white, naturally, at her age. “I need a fucking drink,” he muttered, not bothering to see if Remelle wanted anything before stalking off to the bar. 

His aunt was waiting for him there and Lorcan pointedly ignored her as he ordered a whiskey sour. “Lorcan,” she hissed, his name sounding like a curse on her tongue, “why aren’t you with your date?” 

“Because she’s an unbearable cunt of a human being,” he grumbled, thanking the bartender and digging out a green twenty for the tip. He had worked shit jobs like serving and knew how stingy the one percent was. “Thanks, man.” 

“You’re welcome, sir,” the bartender said, smoothly putting the tip in his pocket and turning to the next guest. 

Lorcan took his drink, taking a long sip before addressing his aunt, “Maeve, what do you want?” 

Her dark, creepily dark, eyes flashed dangerously, “Boy, get yourself in line. She came here as a favour, got it?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Lorcan saluted her sarcastically, his gaze jumping over her head when a vision dressed in gentle green caught it. Elide glared at him, pointing with her closed fan to a path in the hedges. This would be fun. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more pressing matters at hand, auntie.” 

He stepped around her, striding through the partygoers to Elide. “And to what do I owe the pleasure for this?”

Elide glared up at him, actually having to tilt her head back to even look him in the eye. It was cute, even if the glare was murderous. Elide turned neatly, walking angrily into the path. Lorcan followed, biting back his smile. “Are you going to murder me, sweetheart?” 

No answer. They came to a fork in the road and Elide turned left, leading him to an opening with a bubbling fountain. There, she whirled, “You brought Remelle as your date?!” 

“Why, yes. She’s a fine young lady,” he said, delighting in the way he was able to provoke her so easily. 

“She’s a heinous bitch,” Elide spat, beginning to pace back and forth. 

“Why do you care who I bring as my date?” 

She paused, deciding to step onto the stone lip of the fountain. There, now she was almost eye-level with him, “I don’t.” 

Lorcan raised his brows, looking at her in disbelief, “Seems that way.” 

“Well, you seem to care a lot about my relationship, it’s only fair that I care that much about yours.” 

He scoffed, draining his drink and putting the empty glass down on the edge of a bird bath. “Your relationship with Fenrys is no more real than mine with Remelle.” 

The fan caught between her hands was gripped so tightly Elide’s knuckles were white. Still, her voice was calm, collected, “Fen told me you were friends. I was surprised.” 

He looked at her suspiciously, willing himself not to look at her lips and hold her gaze, “Is there a reason for your surprise?” 

“Well, it seems to me that if he were your friend, you would support it. You know,” she shrugged, her smile saccharine sweet, “for his happiness.” 

Cool anger flowed through his veins and he didn’t bother thinking before he spat words he might’ve come to regret, “You couldn’t make Fenrys happy if you were married to him for a hundred years. I told you already, he will never love you.” Elide would never love Fenrys either, but Lorcan didn’t bother telling her what she no doubt already knew. 

In her eyes shone hurt that was quickly replaced with heated rage. Elide hit his shoulder with her fan, “I loathe you.” Her face was centimetres from his, he could smell the intoxicating scent of her elderberry and cinnamon perfume. The delicate and spiced fragrance had haunted him for weeks now. 

“Well, I loathe you,” Lorcan murmured, the tone too low and too enticing for it to be anything but a bedroom voice, "sweetheart."

Elide’s breath hitched and in that moment, Lorcan would’ve done anything she commanded of him to make her do it again and again and again. Her eyes flicked to his lips before dancing back up to his. Neither knew who moved first and neither cared as Elide’s arms slid around his neck and Lorcan’s slipped around her waist. 

The kiss was hungry and biting, but a perfect harmony anyways. She tasted like champagne. Lorcan swore he could get drunk off her embrace as Elide nipped his lip, her tongue flicking over the small sting to soothe it. 

Lorcan pulled her closer, craving the feelings of her feminine curves and softness against his harsh contours and planes. She sighed delicately, melting into his hold before she realised what they were doing and tried to push herself away. 

Only, on the ledge, Elide didn’t have anywhere to go and she fell backwards, not relinquishing her hold on his charcoal suit. Lorcan was pulled into the fountain with her, their clothes and hair instantly sopping wet. 

“You kissed me! You- you can’t go around kissing engaged people, Lorcan. Do you have any sense at all,” Elide whispered harshly at him, quickly standing to climb out. He went to stand up, but Elide pushed him back down again, her hands on his chest. “You’re just trying to make me like you so that I won’t marry Fen and you’ll get the throne! You- oh, you’re evil.”

With an indignant huff, Elide Lochan marched off, throwing him one last glare as she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight. 

Lorcan was so, so, so fucked. 

+*+*+*+*+*+* 

Elide kept her head high as she walked back to the palace. She managed to avoid the garden party, but caught Rowan slinking around the bushes, no doubt trying to avoid a certain someone.

“Elide?” 

The delicate fabric of her dress clung to her skin and she shivered despite the warm sun. Elide nodded, waving vaguely as she passed him. He scrambled after her. “Ellie, do I want to know what happened?” 

“He happened,” she snapped, picking up her pace. A quick glance down told her that her dress was indeed rather transparent. Elide swore, crossing her arms over her chest. Rowan quickly shucked off his suit jacket, draping the large garment over her tiny frame. 

“That doesn’t sound good.” 

“Well, it’s not.” Elide closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. All she could think about was the kiss and how she had never felt anything like it. An unwarranted thought of if and when he would kiss her again popped up in her mind. Elide shook her head, desperate to forget about it. “It’s nothing. We just fought again and ended up in the fountain.” 

He held in his snort and they arrived at the side doors. Rowan opened it for the woman, letting her pass before he shot a suspicious glance around them and closed it. They didn’t need any more media attention and certainly not with Remelle in the vicinity. “Good thing that Aelin is wrapping the party up now. You can go warm up and hide out in your room.” 

Elide flashed him a grateful smile and slinked off to a hidden stairwell. It used to be used solely by servants and the staff, but now it was used by anyone who wanted a discreet escape to the private wings. 

Rowan smiled at her as well, keeping the pleasant look on his face until she had disappeared from view. Then, he let it fall, gritting his teeth as he seethed. It seemed that he needed to have another little chat with Lorcan. 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

“El?” The door of her bedroom burst open and Fenrys appeared, looking concerned. It didn’t fade when his eyes fell on her curled up in a nest of blankets. A cup of tea sat on her nightstand, steam wafting from it. “I just saw Lorcan, are you ok?” 

“‘m fine,” she muttered, turning her eyes back to the show she was watching. “Just cold.” 

Fenrys smiled, “Mind if I join you?” Elide grinned, scooching over slightly. The dark skinned man made quick work of divesting himself of his shoes, jacket, and tie. He popped a couple buttons open, sighing as he flopped down next to her. “What, I don’t get any blanket?” 

Elide rolled her eyes and flipped a few of them back so he could cuddle under them. Fenrys wrapped his arms around her, “You’re freezing, El.” 

“I know,” she chattered, her teeth still clicking together. “The chef said she’d make me something warm to eat.” Elide leeched Fenrys’ body heat away, burrowing herself deeper into the mattress. After a few minutes, the warmth made her drowsy and Elide slowly drifted off. 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Hello, Rowan. Lovely party that was,” Lorcan replied evenly. He glanced in the mirror. Rowan was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, his jaw set and ticking. “Can I help you with something?” 

“What are you doing to her?” 

There was no reason for him to say who he was talking about, they were both well aware. “I’m not doing anything to her.” 

“You drive her fucking crazy, Lorcan,” Rowan said, moving out of the way when Lorcan stalked out of the toilet. 

“And?” 

Rowan sighed, shaking his head. “Lorcan. Just- fuck. What is going on with you two?” 

“Nothing is going on with me and Elide,” Lorcan answered, pulling on a hoodie. It might’ve even been one of Rowan’s, he wasn’t sure. 

“You told me you would never lie to me. Don’t you dare start now.” 

Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Lorcan looked up at Rowan, but all he could see was Elide’s face the second before they kissed. “Ro…” He gestured vaguely with his hands, unable to articulate his swirling thoughts. “It’s just what it is. I can’t explain. We’re just- someone is pushing us together, I can’t stop it.” I don’t want to stop it.

“Oh,” Rowan breathed, his stark green eyes wide like saucers. His mouth dropped open and he gaped at Lorcan, blinking once in shock. “Oh. Oh.” 

“What,” Lorcan snapped, his hackles rising. He had a premonition that he knew what Rowan was going to say. “Spit it out, bastard.” 

“You’re falling for her.” 

“No, I am not.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

Lorcan just fell back on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. He sighed, his voice completely unconvincing, a little dreamy, even, “No, I am not.” 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide slinked into the kitchens, smiling thankfully at the chef who passed her a bowl of xaimoko, a Blackbeak rabbit stew. It was her favourite comfort food. She remembered once, when she was young, after being disciplined by her uncle, the old cook, a kind woman, had found her hiding in a corner. She had spoken in Blackbeak to Elide, coaxing her to the kitchen for a nice dinner. Vernon had ordered that she wasn’t to have dinner, but the cook had served her a bowl of rabbit stew and fried cornbread anyway.

Ever since then, the cook, who had retired a couple years after, had made sure every chef in the castle knew how to make it. 

Elide ate as slowly as possible. Lysandra had texted her, telling Elide that Aelin wanted to see her after she had eaten dinner. After her nap, Elide had spent her time avoiding Aelin but it had seemed like her luck had run out. 

She washed her own dishes, stowing them away in the cupboards. Gaze downcast, Elide made her way to Aelin’s temporary office, just set up for her time in Perranth before she and Rowan returned to Orynth. 

Elide knocked reluctantly on the door, wishing Rowan or at least Fenrys were with her. The meeting was only to be with Aelin, though, so she wasn’t hopeful. 

“Come in,” the queen called, her voice muffled through the heavy doors. 

Elide pushed the door open, softly closing it behind her. Aelin’s face was set, her lips tightening as she folded her hands atop her desk. “Elide. Sit, please.” She glanced at Lysandra who was sitting in the other chair. 

She felt like a schoolgirl in trouble with the principal. Elide sunk down in a chair, keeping her gaze down. 

“Elide,” Aelin sighed, clearly not happy with her cousin. “What is happening with you?” 

Elide shook her head, looking down at her hands, “Nothing.” 

“That’s not true.” 

She nodded, “Yes it is. Nothing is happening with me.” Elide finally dragged her eyes up to Aelin’s. “I’m fine.” 

The blonde sighed, drumming her fingers on the desk, “Elide. I know we aren’t the most traditional country and you have more liberties than most, but you can’t do stuff like this.” 

“Stuff like what?” Her voice cracked and her bottom lip trembled. “I’m not doing anything.” 

“Elide, you are engaged. You can’t hide in closets with people who are not your betrothed and you cannot climb out of a fountain, dripping wet, with the same person who is not your betrothed!” 

“Aelin, why don’t we–” 

“No, Lysandra. Elide is not some high school girl, who gets to run around doing whatever she wishes! She is a royal and is expected to act like one.” 

Elide flinched, shrinking back at the volume and sharpness, “I’m sorry.” If Aelin had noticed how Elide reacted, she would’ve stopped immediately, but the stress of battling parliament and the media were wearing on her. “I didn’t mean–”

“Yeah, I know, you didn’t mean to.” Aelin’s hands dove into her hair, gripping the strands on either side of her head. She laughed humorlessly, the sound icy and hollow. “I am trying to save your crown, do you get that, Elide?” 

Elide stayed silent, willing her body to keep her tears to herself. Unconsciously, she started scratching a nail up and down her forearm, over and over and over until blood was drawn. It was a habit she had picked up as a child and years of therapy hadn’t undone it. 

However, Lysandra noticed and she reached over to take Elide’s hand subtly enough so that Aelin didn’t see.

“I’m sorry.”

Aelin looked at her for a moment and glanced away, “Just tighten up, Elide. You can’t afford to be doing things you don’t mean and if you think you can… you might as well give Lorcan the crown already.” 

“Can I go now?” Elide asked, her voice trembling. In shock, Aelin’s eyes snapped back to her, as if realising the memories she had resurfaced for Elide. Lysandra held a hand out to Elide, but Elide moved so Lysandra’s touch fell short.

“Ellie��” 

Elide stood up abruptly, “If there isn’t anything else you have to say, can I go, your Majesty?” 

Aelin nodded meekly and Elide left. The halls were empty and because of it, Elide ran back to her rooms, locking the doors behind her. She managed to keep from letting the tears fall until she was in her bedroom. 

Bear looked up at her from her bed as Elide crawled into hers. The dog stared at her for a moment, laying unmoving. Elide wiped her cheeks, chuckling tearfully, “Oh, are you mad at me too?” 

Bear just turned her head, tucking her nose beneath her tail.

Elide felt her heart crack in two and cried harder, hiccuping as she buried her face into her pillow. In the darkness of her room, Elide slowly cried until she had exhausted herself into a deep sleep.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: omg !! royal scandal sksksks !! 

@mythicaitt @tinywolfofeyllwe @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @empire-of-wildfire @ladyverena @ttakeitbacknoww @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse  @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou @cursebreaker29 @empress-ofbloodshed​ @b00kworm @hizqueen4life @silversprings98 @amren-courtofdreams @minaidss @superspiritfestival @sanakapoor @ireallyshouldsleeprn @spyofthenightcourt @januarystears @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @magicalunicorngypsy @elriel4life @sensitiveillyrian

#knowing me knowing you #kmky chapter eight #princess diaries au #elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #isa writes #nalgenewhore #woowwwww would ya look at that. kissing. that's cray cray !

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Spotlight: Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Ch 4

Word Count: 4,140

Colson had temporarily moved Y/N's Mom to his house in Cleveland. He was staying in New York because he had some business to take care of. He told Y/N that he would send for her on Friday morning because they had to attend a charity dinner together later that day. Melissa would have to take her shopping as usual and she was looking forward to it. Afterwards she would be meeting up with Liv and Lisa for lunch.

"So tell me about this thing you have with Colson?" Mrs Y/M/L/N patted the seat beside her and Y/N sat down.

"It's nothing Mom. I'm just helping him out." Y/N said eyeing her shoes.

"Is that all?" She pressed gently.

"I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you? Can we not do this? It's awkward. " Y/N frowned. They never had an open relationship where they could talk about everything and anything. She only had that kind of relationship with her Dad-but he was gone.

"Look Mom, I know you're trying but I need more time..but just know that Colson and I are not together. We have a great friendship and I don't expect anything more."

"But you like him or he likes you?" She squeezed Y/N's hand.

"Yes-no-look I don't know." She sighed as she stood up.

"Just be careful honey. Don't get your hopes up. Don't get me wrong-" She raised her hands, "I'm just concerned okay? Guys like Colson.."

"I know, I know." She mumbled. "You don't need to say it."

Jax came and stood at the door, interrupting the conversation.

"Good morning, Miss and Mrs Y/L/N." He bowed slightly.

"Hi Jax." Y/N smiled at him.

"Listen honey, I had forgotten that I have to attend a conference this weekend. I will be leaving tomorrow, so can we talk some more before I leave?" She asked, hopeful.

"I'll be waiting in the car." Jax announced and left them alone.

"Yeah, sure. Maybe when I get back okay? I'll probably be gone when you get back anyway." They embraced and Y/N left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Slim, get in here." Colson said over the intercom. He was in his New York office and trying to think of ways to spend more time with Y/N, without being too obvious.

"Hey Col! What's up man?" Slim bounced into the office and threw himself on the corner coach.

"Are you and Kinky free tonight?" Colson asked as he typed something on his iMac.

"Yeah, Sommer and I have plans..why? Wanna join in? Tired of being a pro-golfer whenever you sleep with Bambi? " He cackled as he smacked his knee.

"There's more to relationships than sex dude." Colson scoffed, still staring at the computer screen.

"Ahhh..so you're admitting that you're in a relationship are you??" He nodded slowly.

"Shut up." Colson responded.

"You're too uptight this morning..maybe you need a hit?" Slim dug his hand in his pocket and produced a tiny vile of cocaine to Colson that he had tried to stay away from for five straight days now. He looked away and felt his resolve slipping away.

"C'mon..you know you wanna." Slim coaxed him as he dangled it in front of Colson's face.

"Set it up while I lock the door." Colson said, as he sighed in defeat. He convinced himself that this would be the last time. After this he wouldn't go anywhere near drugs-including his sleeping pills. Besides it wasn't going to hurt anyone..was it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colson woke up and found himself on the floor in his office. Slim was passed out a few feet away from him. He didn't remember how he got there though. There was a soft, incessant tap on his door and his body felt so heavy, he could barely lift his head. The knock continued and it became rather irritating.

"Go away!" He groaned with the little energy he could muster.

"Colson, it's Byron here. We had a meeting with that film producer remember?? A verry important meeting. We need to leave now or we won't be able to make it." Silence.

"Colson?" Byron sighed and shook his head as he walked away from the door.

He knew that he had to try and re-schedule. Whenever Colson and Slim got together they got high. Byron had been standing knocking at the door for more than an hour. Unfortunately Colson's office was sound proof and there were no glass walls or windows to peer through. Numerous times Byron had tried to get them to counselling or rehab but they always brushed him off. It was all in the name of fun they assured him but this was becoming a problem that would affect Colson's career. He had already been arrested and he was still trying to do damage control. This couldn't go on, it had to stop.

"Y/N, Byron here. Hope you're good." He smiled into the phone. "Sorry to drop this on you but-I need you to come to New York earlier than planned-like today."

Colson dragged himself off the floor and staggered towards the bathroom. The drugs were wearing off but he was feeling the after effects now. The coke was much stronger than before, he was totally knocked out. A cold shower usually sobered him up a bit and he needed to pull himself together. He had a stool in his shower for such instances and he pushed it against the wall then fell onto it as he opened the cold water tap to maximum. He stripped his soaking clothes off as he began to feel better, then he adjusted the water to luke-warm.

"Why? Why? Why?" He screamed at himself as he pulled on his hair.

The guilt came at him like a flood and it brought along its cousins. Tears coursed down his face and mingled with the water and he let them flow. Why couldn't he stop? He wanted to but he just couldn't bring himself to break the addiction, especially when he was surrounded by it. It seemed like everyone in the entertainment industry was hooked on drugs, sex and alcohol. It was proving to be difficult to stop altogether because he had no other means of escape. At least when he was high he could forget-even for a short moment-he could slip into oblivion and escape from it all; the pressure, the high expectations, the fake people that constantly surrounded him.

Although he always had people around him he always felt so alone. Nobody loved him. His grandparents were senile and didn't remember who he was half the time. So he was totally alone in this world. Everyone just wanted a piece of him for selfish reasons. No one showed any genuine interest in him without a hidden motive. Well, until Y/N..

He smiled as he thought about her while he dried his hair. His heart swelled and his stomach muscles constricted. He missed her dearly, more than he cared to admit. Maybe he would send for her earlier than planned or he would fly to Cleveland and fetch her himself. Yes, that's exactly what he would do he thought with a renewed purpose. He walked into his closet and got dressed quickly and went to check on Slim.

Slim was still passed out on the floor and it was beginning to bother Colson. He bent over him and shook him but he didn't budge. What was even more worrying is that that he was frothing at the mouth and his nose was bleeding.

"Byron! Get here now!" Colson shouted into his cellphone. He unlocked the door and waited anxiously for Byron to come.

"I'm here. What's-" He froze as he took in the sight in front of him. "We need to get him to the hospital. Get out of here, I'll handle this." He locked the office door again.

"But I can't just leave-" Colson protested.

"Go! You know the drill Colson. You can't be seen here okay just leave through the secret passageway. Now!" He pushed Colson towards the private exit point. "I'll call you." He said before closing the door.

Colson made a run for it and found a car waiting for him.

"Bro, please take me to the hanger I need to fly to Cleveland as soon as possible. Call the pilot and ask him to get clearance or whatever." He instructed the driver.

"Sure thing Colson." The driver replied.

He bounced his knee and bit on his nails, something he always did when he was super-stressed. What if Slim didn't make it? How would he live with himself? He promised himself that if Slim survived then he would never-

"Yes." He snapped as he answered the phone.

"It's handled. Slim has been taken to a private hospital so he's in good hands." Byron said calmly.

"Great." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Listen we'll have to meet in Norway-I'm going to Cleveland. Can you check if the jet is cleared?" Colson gripped the phone until his knuckles turned white.

"Yes. I had it done earlier, had a feeling you might want to go." Byron said. His instincts were right after all.

"Thanks..for everything." Colson said.

*******************************************

"Hey."

"Colson?" Y/N tucked the phone between her ear and her shoulder. Liv and Lisa squealed in delight. She had met them for lunch.

"Guess what? I'm in Cleveland!" He said trying to sound dramatic.

"Oh..I thought I was supposed to come there this evening?" She put down her cutlery and held her phone.

"Yeah, but there was a slight change of plans..You don't want to see me?"

"No, of course I do. I-I'm glad to know-that you're here?" She said flustered. Her appetite was long gone by now and she grabbed a glass of wine and gulped it down. Did he fly all the way down here especially for her or he was here for another reason? Lisa and Liv had stopped eating and they were staring at her.

"You're still there sweets?" He asked.

"Yeah..so where are you?"

"I just jetted in. Was hopping I could join you for lunch?" He pressed gently.

"Yeah of course..I-we're at The Capital Grille on Superior Avenue. I'm sure you can find it?" She replied, avoiding looking at her friends. Their faces lit up with excitement at they shamelessly listened in to the conversation.

"See you in a bit sweets."

"Hold the phone! He's coming here isn't he?" Liv exclaimed, not knowing what to do with herself.

"Yes. You do know that it's rude to listen in to someone else's conversation?" Y/N said as she gulped down a glass of water.

"So should we go? Should we stay?" Lisa added, her eyes shining.

"Let's go to the bathroom and regroup shall we?" Liv suggested. "Besides your face needs a bit of work babe. You look like you were running a marathon." She threw her napkin on the table and held out her hand to Y/N as they stood up.

"I'll stay." Lisa offered. "Just in case-you know?"She shrugged and tossed her hair back.

"You know this isn't necessary." Y/N protested as Liv powdered her face. "He has seen me without make-up and probably knows what my morning breath smells like..so.."

"Overshare alert." Liv rolled her eyes. "He must really like you, you know?"

"What makes you think that?" Y/N frowned at her reflection in the mirror.

"Well..you've slept in the same bed on many occasions and he didn't try to take things further. I mean who does that? He's Colson Baker! He could have had you just by blinking in your direction but he hasn't." She observed.

"I know right? But what if it's an angle? All part of his game?" She voiced her thoughts.

"Sweetheart, this is Colson-freakin-Baker. what could he possibly gain from having sex with a college student? If I was in your shoes I would have been all over that hot bod! You're wasting a perfectly good dish.. Just let me at him!" Liv clawed the air and they burst into laughter.

They had just settled at the table when Y/N's phone rang again.

"Hey sweets. I'm parked outside. I can't come in because I don't have any guards with me and I don't want to cause a commotion. So do you and your friends mind if we go some where else?"

"Okay sure." Y/N said.

"Great. I'll pick you up at the front entrance." He replied.

"Hey, listen..Colson wants us to meet him out front like now-so let's go." Y/N stood and hurried her friends along.

Colson pulled up in his black matte Aston Martin DB11, looking hotter than the sun. He was dressed in full white, shorts and a white v-neck t-shirt and completed the look with his Ray Ban police sunglasses, his hair messier than usual because the drop-top was down. They all jumped in with squeals of delight from Liv and Lisa.

"Oh my days!! I'm in Colson Baker's car!" Lisa kept saying over and over again. She sounded like a scratched record.

"Careful there, you might just inspire me to write a new song." Colson laughed.

"Hi! By the way I'm Lisa and this is Liv. Oh my days! I still can't believe I'm-Ahhh!" Lisa screamed like a typical groupie. Liv just sat with her hands on her head chanting "Oh my gosh." repeatedly.

"Interesting friends you got there Bambi." He stole a glance as he fixed his eyes back on the road. Gosh, he had missed her. " You miss me much? Or I didn't stay away long enough??" Colson threw a smile at Y/N.

"You should have stayed away a little longer Baker." She smiled at him. She had missed him but she was never going to tell him that. Her heart was racing just by being so close to him and her stomach was in knots. She had it bad. This was more than a crush.

"Aww you two are so sweet!" Lisa gushed.

"I know right?" Colson winked at Y/N.

"So where to?" Y/N asked.

"We are going to leave your friends at the mall to do a bit of shopping on me of course- because-they will be coming to spend the weekend with us in New York." Lisa and Liv let out loud screams and it was difficult to contain them after that. They started talking in excited whispers at the back.

"And then we are going to spend some QT alone..seeing as you my bae and all that." He squeezed her hand. He played it down. He really wanted-no he needed to be alone with Y/N right now. She had this calming effect on him and he needed that right now. He just wanted to enjoy this time with her and just forget about everything and everyone else.

"Oh, sounds good." She said. Did he really want to spend time alone with her or it was just to appease the media? Either way she didn't mind the logic behind it, she would milk it for everything it was worth.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought the press would be curious as to why we hardly make public appearances." He lied but it caused untold damage to Y/N's heart.

"Yeah. I understand." She said with a smug smile.

"But don't get me wrong I don't mind. In case you didn't notice, I kinda enjoy your company sweets." He lifted their joined hands and kissed hers.

"Did you see that?!!" Liv exclaimed to Lisa as she pointed to the front..

"You ain't seen nothing yet babe." Colson chuckled as he turned up the music.

*********************************************

Colson drove his car into an estate located within a forest and by a lakeside. It was a private wooded lot with it's very own well maintained pond. The house was stunning, a two-story home which stretched for miles and a serene lake shore which was sure to take your breath away.

"In case you're wondering..this is my childhood home. No one lives here besides the hired help of course." He said as he pulled into the garage and turned of the ignition. "I usually come here to de-stress. Thought you might like it. Let's go inside." He held the door open for Y/N and she stepped out.

"It's beautiful." She sighed. "So is this like your happy place?" She asked, her face full of mischief.

"Bambi-you are my happy place." He turned and held her face.

"Oh." Her cheeks reddened.

"You look so cute when you blush" He laughed softly. Come on, there's something that I need to show you." He tugged her hand and led her to the back of the house. They came to the top of a hill and just at the bottom was an encased tree house. The only way to get there was by sliding through a tunnel.

"Baker are you a fan of Alice in Wonderland?" Y/N grinned at him.

"Not me but my Mom was. We would sit here together for hours you know. Reading, playing board games or we would have a picnic. Actually..she kind of inspired my plans today." He pulled her towards the tunnel and he slid through and she did the same.

"So how do we get out of here?" She looked around, confused.

"Aahhh..You will just have to wait and see." He said in a mysterious voice as he gently tapped the tip of her nose with his finger. "Welcome to my magical world." They stepped inside and she twirled around, taking everything in. This tree house was way too fancy to be called that. It was more like a luxurious cabin in the woods. There was a plush Persian rug on the floor and a worn L-shaped brown leather couch, with a large wall-mounted flat screen TV, a small bathroom and open-plan kitchen. There was a separate door that led to the bedroom which contained a comfortable queen-size bed.

"FYI..this is not a tree-house." Y/N said and Colson laughed.

"Go big or go home right?" He threw himself on the couch and switched on the TV.

"So are we going to sit around and watch TV all day?" Y/N asked as she sat next to him.

"And what would you rather we do sweets?" The look he gave her made her blush because it clearly stated his intentions.

"I would rather-explore." She blurted out and her hands flew to her mouth.

"You walked straight into that one didn't you?" Colson gasped as he held his stomach.

"Not funny Baker." She folded her arms and pretended to sulk.

"I'm sorry but that-" He laughed "was epic Bambi."

"You know what I meant but as usual you twisted it in your perverted mind."

"You know what I'd like to do right now?" His face grew serious and he inched towards her.

"No." She knew exactly what he wanted but she wanted to hear him say it. His face was a whisper away from hers and she could feel his warm breath caress her face. She kept reminding herself to breath otherwise she was going to pass out. He stared deep into her eyes, trying to read her expression before pulling away suddenly.

"Let's play a little game?" He cleared his throat and walked over to the TV and the remote. "You're in?"

"Yeah." She pushed back her hair and shifted in her seat.

"We're going to play our own version of Karaoke." He scrolled down the screen and connected to the YouTube homepage. "You know that music speaks right? So we going to choose songs that speak to each other. Got it?"

"I'm not sure I do.." She frowned.

"Look sweets-you and I have chemistry. There's no denying that right?" He tilted her chin up and looked into her eyes.

"Correct."

"So..we're having a problem communicating our feelings to each other right?"

"Yes but I can't sing." She bit her bottom lip.

"Who cares? You're not here for an audition sweets." He brushed her off. "This is the best way for us to tell the other person what we're feeling or thinking. By choosing a specific song and singing it-word for word. Don't worry it won't be so bad. I'll go first." He selected his song and she smiled.

"Interesting choice."

"Dance with me." He pulled her close and sang the song to her, meaning every word and she knew it. This wasn't an act. This was exactly how he felt. She was thinking how she was going to top this.

𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍, 𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉, 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊��𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 (𝑺𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖), 

𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒉 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍, 𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉-𝒐𝒉, 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 (𝑪𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖), 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖

'𝑪𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 

𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 (𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆) 

𝒀𝒆𝒂𝒉, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑰 𝒔𝒊𝒏

𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒇 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 

𝒀𝒆𝒂𝒉, 𝒊𝒇 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔

(Credit Angel by The Weeknd)

"Your turn." He handed her the remote and she thought of the perfect song.

𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑰𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈

𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒐 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑰'𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆 

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔

𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏

𝑶𝒉, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆 '𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒆 

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆

(Credit Gravity by Sarah Bareilles)

He looked at her with such passion in his eyes as she sang, his arms circled her waist and brought her closer until they were chest to chest. All he wanted to do was feel her soft cherry lips on his and he hoped she wouldn't turn away.

"I'm going to kiss you now." He simply stated before his lips came crushing down on hers. He kissed her possessively until she was limp in his arms.

"I've been dying to do that all day," He smiled into her lips and kissed her one more time.

"What took you so long." She panted and placed her hands on his chest.

"That's what I've been asking myself." He laughed, his blue eyes shining. "Let's get out of here before I take you right here and right now." She gasped and he laughed.

He took her through a trap door that led to another tunnel that went straight to the dock.

"Would you like to go on a boat ride or do you get seasick?" He asked as they stood on the gangplank.

"Let's go!" She pulled him towards the speed boat.

"Alright, alright." He untied the boat and help her get in. She stood beside him as they took off, her head resting on his shoulder.

"We're just in time to watch the sunset." He pointed to the orange horizon. "The best way to take it in is if we relax in the cockpit." He turned of the engine and allowed the boat to float. Fortunately the boat had a dual console deck and the lounge area had comfortable u-shape leather seats, where could lie down or sit with your feet up.

Colson lay with Y/N in silence, her head on his shoulder as they watched the sunset.

"I have one last song to play for you." He slipped a pair of blue-tooth headphones over her head and put his on afterwards. She snuggled close to him and they were face to face as he sang the song to her.

𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 

𝑵𝒐 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅 

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒑 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒎𝒆 (𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖?)

𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍? 

𝑨𝒎 𝑰 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆? 

𝑰 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 

𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰'𝒎 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑴𝒚 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒔 (𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖?)

𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 

𝑰𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆

(Credit Sweet Surrender by Sarah McLaughlin)

She smiled at him and he caressed he cheek. No one had ever sang to her before-like this. She didn't know how to feel or how to react. Her heart wanted to burst out of her chest. How could she not fall in love with this person when he did such things to her. Little things meant a lot to Y/N. Such small gestures hooked her and reeled her in.

She was a goner-she thought to herself before falling asleep on Colson's broad chest.

Tagged: @kellysimagines

#machine gun kelly #colson baker #mgk #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly imagine #colson baker x reader #colson baker imagine #fan fiction

[atinybitofau]

[ateez] M I N G I ↝ enemies to lovers

EMPTY PROMISES (FT. WINGMAN SAN)

format: oneshot , wc: 1700+ , tags: fluffy-angst

• “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

• you roll your eyes at the impeccable hell raised demon named Choi San,

• who somehow someway,

• ended up being your college seat mate in almost every class.

• “A reminder is the last thing I need.” you feign a senile smile. “Not when I have a body mirror just egging to show me how beautiful I look every morning.”

• San chuckles bring the chair out for you to sit. “Well that may as well be the second most disgusting thing you wake up to anyway.”

• “The first?”

• his eyes roll in one direction, his tongue the other. “That.”

• god damn.

• how torturous it was to look at Song Mingi tonguing down the university’s female frat doll across two seat rows.

• “Great.” you sigh reaching for his notes from the other day. “Now would be a good time, San, to convince me to keep renewing my college registration please.”

• Song Mingi..

• where to begin right?

• well it all started when you two ended up as lab partners last spring.

• decent work; A+ for effort.

• besides that, a fat F for restraint.

• cause Mingi’s hot as hell, you knew that.

• one spectacular night and the next morning over?

• it’s, “Sorry babe. But you’re just not my type?”

• it’s humiliating for you.

• gut clenching at most.

• how the hottest guy in the University uses you like a voodoo doll.

• it isn’t embarrassing because you think you aren’t good enough,

• it’s embarrassing because you were stupid enough.

• stupid enough to let him break you just like that.

• “He’s just jealous.” San reminds you as class ends and Mingi walks out.

• “Yeah?” you reply in the most sarcastic way possible.

• “Yeah..”

• San’s a good guy though.

• unfortunately, one of Mingi’s better friends.

• but he knows more secrets than of what he can tell.

• some of which that revolves around, “— Mingi’s insecure. He just doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

• “I told you I’m over that.”

• you really are stupid.

• San knows you’re lying, hell, and so does the rest of the entire student body (a big body let me tell you)

• are you really over Mingi as much as you say you are?

• maybe not..

• “Hey hot stuff. What’ll take to get you to go out with me this Saturday night?”

• you smile at a potential date ready to say, “Free dinner and free cuddles?”

• instead what’s being said is, “A better pick up line maybe and a better face. Beat it, loser, or I’ll shove your head further up your ass than it already is.”

• you glare at the tall what.

• the keeper of your sole sanity,

• the keeper who refuses to give it back.

• “Mingi, what the hell?” you seethe pulling at his shirt. “That’s the eighth date you cost me!”

• “The eighth date I saved you from you mean.” he rolls his eyes leaning mindlessly next to your locker. “Every guy that asks you out obviously just wants some of your ass.”

• “Says the guy that’s already had it and thrown it away.”

• Mingi doesn’t do what he does to torture you.

• far from that in fact, it’s the opposite.

• and just because he’s everywhere but with you,

• doesn’t mean he wants to be.

• “Don’t you have somewhere to be, Mingi? Like I don’t know, t-bagging somebody over Professor Kim’s desk?”

• Mingi lets out a guttural groan before rushing to tail behind you. “If I’m here with you, why would I need to be somewhere else?”

• “Because I hate you. Now leave me alone.” you push back at his chest from where he walks reversed in front of you. “I have labs at 2.”

• Mingi’s frustrated at most.

• the secrets that San keeps making it worse for him.

• cause Mingi just wants to be with you.

• but he doesn’t deserve that right, he knows that.

• so does everybody else including you.

• but unlike everybody else, you hope too high.

• “I’ll pick you up.” he tells you breathlessly eyes stern on you.

• but you swerve around him not saying a word.

• “Y/n, I’ll be there!”

• yeah right, you mumble under your breath.

• like each time he says.

• like each time he chases you.

• he raises that bit of hope that you have deep inside.

• but face the facts, y/n, you love him.

• one miserable year of pining and regret turned into this terrible devotion,

• of him and you picking sides.

• picking sides of which you can’t even define.

• “Asshole..” you mutter shaking your head turning to walk back home.

• alone.

• and you should’ve expected it.

• for him not to show up.

• sometimes you do wish he does.

• sometimes you do wish you woke up feeling good and looking that way too.

• waking up without sore eyes.

• “Don’t you look stunning this mor—“

• “San, I’m transferring.”

• “–ning. WAIT YOU’RE WHAT?!”

• you sigh noticing Mingi hasn’t walked in for class yet.

• “I was offered another scholarship overseas. And they offer a great summer program.” you bite at your lips not daring to look into the devil’s eyes. “I didn’t want to but.. there’s nothing really I’m giving up here.”

• “um ME? HELLO?!”

• you want to tell him he’s not enough.

• well San at least.

• it’s not him you need or want for that matter.

• that what you stayed here for was more than just a stupid college romance.

• but you fell so deep in love with someone who promises too much.

• to be short ended every time?

• “I need a break.” you mutter instead. “Maybe the short program will be good for me. Plus, if things don’t work out, I can always come back?”

• “You don’t plan to though, do you?”

• “Nope.”

• San tries to spend as much time as possible with you.

• trying to convince you to stay otherwise?

• actually trying to buy enough time until he tells Mingi to man the fuck up.

• calling him with ends tied saying, “Y/n’s leaving you jackass. No thanks to you. She’s going overseas and if you don’t do something about it, she’s not gonna come back.”

• Mingi scoffs.

• wanting not to care.

• cause it’s only so big his determination of loving you.

• it’s funner with different people, not the same thing over and over again.

• why he decided not to have you.

• he’s happy between satisfied and that.

• what’s better than being satisfied and happy?

• he doesn’t know yet.

• “San, can you help me pack?” you begrudgingly beg over speakerphone. “God there’s just— so much.”

• you’re already crying.

• how dumb you are to expect Mingi to convince you to stay by now,

• how wrong you always are.

• “How many times?” San asks you while you pack empty minded.

• you wipe at your sweat taping up a box. “W-what?”

• “How many times, y/n?”

• “How many times what?”

• “How many times did you wait? Wait for him to come to you whenever he says he will.”

• you don’t need him to specify or elaborate what he meant.

• you know exactly what he’s talking about.

• you roll your eyes going back to the task at hand, ignoring how much of an eyesore you must really look like right now. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, San.”

• “Oh yeah?” he stands up and pulls your arms away from that blasted box. “Then at least answer me this. How many times have you tried to go to Mingi instead of wait for him?”

• how about never?

• your back hurts.

• your head hurts.

• your heart hurts.

• actually how about, “Answering that isn’t what I need right now.”

• “Then what about Mingi? Is he what you need?”

• if San only knew what kinds of pain you felt..

• and to think this was gonna be the last hurrah.

• sometimes hate does overpower love on levels too high.

• like your hope for example.

• “I don’t need to be told twice when I’m not wanted. And Mingi doesn’t need to say it more than once either.” you’re convincing yourself more than you’re trying to at San.

• the clocks ticking y/n.

• that hope you have left starts to cycle back into intuition.

• if he doesn’t want to man up, y/n, you have to.

• now San’s that little devil on your shoulder that gets in your head.

• “M-Mingi..”

• his breath is rushed, haggard when he picks up the phone. “Yeah?”

• “Can you come over? No, you need to come now.”

• “Y-yeah. Okay yeah. I’ll be there soon.”

• for once, he does do something he promised to.

• looking like a complete shit storm almost as bad as you.

• what’s worse than a sight for sore eyes?

• two of them.

• “I love you.” you tell him as soon as you open your door. “You piece of shit. How many times I wait minutes for you outside the labs thinking you were gonna actually show up? The many times I’d wait for you at restaurants thinking you were actually gonna treat me out like all the dates you rejected for me? You piece of shit. How many times do I have to wait? No I’m not gonna wait again, Mingi.”

• his eyes blink resurfacing from his clouded mindset only to find you. “You actually wait for me?”

• “Well yeah I do!” you pout at the tall man who pouts back at you like a reflection in a mirror. “You say you’ll be there and of course I wait. Even if you were shoving your tongue down a poor girl’s throat minutes before, I’ll always wait.”

• Mingi’s lips twitch. “And you were waiting for me now. Before you leave to go somewhere without even telling me. You were waiting for me to tell you not to go.”

• he wants you to say it first.

• even if he doesn’t deserve it,

• he wants you to say it.

• “I am waiting for you to tell me not to go.” you grip at your door handle as if waiting to close it shut. “But I’m not waiting longer than I did for your stupid I love you back.”

• Mingi, come on, you idiot.

• just say it.

• “So you’ve been waiting a year for me to say I love you?” he reminds you as if he needed to.

• but that’s not what you want right now.

• no, you want him to tell you to stay.

• to stay for him.

• “I’m not gonna wait more than ten seconds. Ten seconds then I’m closing this door and saying goodbye.”

• “I just need five.”

• he takes you by your waist, fast and slow.

• like the whole year it took for him to do it again.

• to kiss you again.

• to hold you like this again.

• and god did the wait make it worth it cause you taste like heaven sent on a Monday morning,

• paradise to the undeserved.

• he cradles your cheeks in between the palms of his hands,

• for that 5 seconds he promised,

• only to finally say,

• “I do love you back.” he mumbles against your lips. “So please don’t go. I promise I’ll stay. Just— for fucksake don’t go.”

• satisfied,

• you between happy and that.

• him feeling past both satisfied and happy.

• no actually completely in love,

• you tell him, “I’ll stay if you keep that promise.”

• and for once in his entire life,

• he does.

@atinybitofau

#it’s one of the better drafts i had lol #i just realized i suck at endings #jk i been knew #ateez #ateez song mingi #song mingi #mingi #ateez x reader #mingi x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez preferences #ateez oneshot #mingi oneshot #mingi reactions #mingi scenarios #mingi imagine #mingi enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers au?

[mst3kproject]

Magic Christmas Tree

I thought I’d try something different this year and find a bad Hannukah movie, but everybody I asked had the same recommendation: Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.  I know for a fact that is a prohibitively awful film, because I know people who’ve watched parts of it (I have not to date met anyone who could sit through the whole thing), but it just doesn’t feel like an MST3K feature to me.  Anyway, I have standards.  My conclusion is that people need to make more Hannukah movies… and until that happens, I’m watching Magic Christmas Tree, which comes specially recommended by RiffTrax.

This is the only Christmas movie I’ve ever seen which starts with cheerful holiday music over footage of… Hallowe’en decorations. Obnoxious bully Mark and his two pushover friends decide to go investigate a supposedly-haunted house. Naturally the old lady who lives there is a witch, and in exchange for Mark rescuing her cat, she gives him a seed for a magical tree that will grant him three wishes.  Two months later, with the tree fully grown, his first wish is to have magical powers for one hour – he uses them to torment unfortunate people who were already having to work on Christmas Eve.  His second wish is to kidnap Santa Claus and extort unlimited presents from him, but that attracts the attention of the spirit of Greed, who intends to keep Mark as a slave forever!  Good thing he’s still got that third wish.

God, I hate this movie.  I’d say it’s the worst Christmas movie I’ve ever seen, but Elves exists, so instead I have to say it’s the worst Christmas movie that didn’t have any Nazis in it.  It reminds me more than anything else of Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, in that it’s an absolute mess that seems to have been put together by people who have no idea what they’re doing.  It spends most of its time on boring, annoying irrelevant bullshit, and then when it gets to the plot, that’s boring and annoying, too!

Magic Christmas Tree is only an hour long, but that’s twice as long as it needed to be.  A plot summary makes it sound like most of the film will be dealing with Mark’s three wishes and how he uses them, but it’s half-over before we even get to that point.  The time leading up to it is spent watching Mark follow the witch’s complicated instructions on how to grow and activate the tree, and his parents dealing with this unwanted thing appearing in the middle of their back yard.  All of this is presented in excruciating detail.  We watch Mark dig the entire hole to plant the seed in.  We see his Dad struggle with the lawnmower at unbelievable length, while the Mom yacks about nothing on the phone with her friend Betty.  The Dad tries to cut the tree down with no success.  Mark has to say a set of magic words over and over and over.

It goes on so long, it passes the are you fucking kidding me? point and wanders into territory where you wonder if there’s something wrong with the disk and you’re playing the scene over and over.  It actually starts to feel like it’s on purpose – especially when the slowness is repeatedly emphasized by shots of Mark’s pet tortoise, Ichabod, who seems to be eating his patch of clover far faster than anybody else is accomplishing anything.  You’ll swear the movie is making fun of you.

The sound that accompanies all this is sometimes very peculiar.  The old lady has exactly the voice you’d expect from a witch in a cheap kid’s movie, but Mark’s Mom sounds like she’s being dubbed by a twelve-year-old boy, possibly the same one who provided the voice for Mark himself.  The tree speaks (oh, yes, it does) in the voice of a smarmy stereotypical gay man.  Santa Claus sounds like he’s half-senile and wondering what’s for lunch.

The lawnmower makes some very strange noises indeed. I guess they’re meant to be cartoonish and funny.  They’re definitely the former but they’re never the latter, possibly because they never sound remotely like a lawnmower.  When Mark’s Dad is trying to get it started it sounds like the ghost of a consumptive horse, and three hours later when it actually gets going, it makes noises like a traffic jam in Whoville.

Besides sounding weird, the actors are just plain bad.  The guy playing Santa Claus is half-asleep.  We’re told that the tree’s magic means he’s trapped in the chair he’s sitting in, and I honestly do believe that actor could not have gotten up if he tried, no wishes necessary.  The woman playing Mark’s Mom looks like she’s high as a kite and only barely keeping her grip on reality.  Maybe that’s why they had to dub her.  Mark’s Dad recites his lines like a guy on a game show reading his own life story off a teleprompter, and does his yard chores in a way that’s probably supposed to be pantomimey but is the opposite of entertaining.  The Dad gets an inordinate amount of screen time, which I can only chalk up to the fact that he’s played by director Dick Parish.

The worst of the lot are, of course, the kids, who are predictably terrible 60’s child actors.  They yell all their lines, with the volume and exaggerated emphasis you expect from a school play.  It wears thin very, very quickly.  The kid playing Mark is the worst of the lot, although I might just think that because he’s the one we spend the most time with.  He’s a huge part of why this movie makes me so mad.

I think the best way to describe Mark as a character is to say that the first time I watched this movie I assumed his name was ‘Billy’, despite the fact that everybody kept calling him ‘Mark’. He just seems like the type of nasty little brat who’d be named ‘Billy’ in a bad 60’s Christmas movie.  We meet him having lunch with his two friends by the playground, and learn that he’s a greedy little shit when he drives a hard bargain in a sandwich trade.  Greedy-little-shit-itude continues to be his primary character trait and is, of course, the core of the movie’s lesson.  His attempt to monopolize Santa Claus makes him such a greedy little shit that Greed himself takes an interest in him.

Greed is a huge hairy man who takes delight in kidnapping little boys.  I think he’s supposed to look like a fairy tale giant.  Watching him manhandle a child is an intensely uncomfortable experience.

I guess ‘don’t be greedy’ is a standard message for a children’s movie, and it seems like a particularly appropriate one for Christmas, which presents children with a great opportunity for avarice. What seems a little odd is that Mark never actually suffers any consequences for his selfishness, only the vague threat of them. There was a perfect opportunity for some of this when Mark kidnaps Santa Claus.  Santa, after all, brings toys to good girls and boys… surely by this point, after his brief reign of terror with his magical powers, Mark has been naughty enough to deserve only coal.  Apparently that’s not how it works, though.  Mark just wanders off into the woods in search of small animals to shoot with his new rifle, runs into the giant, and immediately repents even though Greed is offering him all the toys and candy he wants.

What supposedly prompts Mark to become a better person is seeing how the world has responded to Santa Claus going missing.  Curiously, there is very little emphasis on the children who are sad because they didn’t get any presents.  Maybe somebody thought that would have made them seem greedy? Instead, the vision Greed presents to Mark is of the United States military mobilizing to locate Santa and bring him home, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians-style!  So… I guess Mark becomes a better person because he’s afraid of what’s going to happen if the army finds Santa trapped in a chair in his house?  I guess that is pretty terrifying.

Another thing that blunts the lesson is the fact that Mark is given his three wishes as a reward for a good deed.  He got the witch’s cat down from the tree, so she offers him the magical seed and doesn’t let him refuse.  What then was he supposed to use his three wishes for, if not to get stuff for himself? Was this intentionally a poisoned gift, because you shouldn’t accept things from witches?  The witch insists that there are good witches as well as wicked ones, but she’s not exactly an unbiased source.  The movie never tries to blame her, though.  The situation is presented as Mark’s fault, and Mark’s alone.

Finally, at the end Mark wakes up and finds that of course the whole thing was a dream – there was no witch, no magic tree, and no Santa Claus.  This is less annoying than it could have been because at least it’s not a surprise. Mark did hit his head when he fell out of the tree the cat was in, and the movie changed from black and white to colour.  We’ve seen this before in The Wizard of Oz and we can guess where it’s going. The audience might assume that Mark will wake up and immediately take the opportunity to be generous instead of greedy, perhaps by giving his friend something to make up for the lunch trade. Instead, the woman who owns the cat (who is not actually a witch, but looks even more like one in this part of the film than she does wearing the Hallowe’en witch costume in Mark’s dream) offers him milk and cookies, and he delightedly accepts.  This just gives the impression that he’s learned nothing.

Is there anything in this movie I didn’t hate?  Well… among Mark’s school friends is a token black kid, who is not differentiated in any way from his peers.  He talks like them, he dresses like them, and the writers did not use either his lunch or his Hallowe’en plans as a way to demarcate a class difference between him and the others.  So yeah, the movie sucks, but the writers tried really hard not to be racist.

Happy fucking holidays.  I want to say hooray for surviving 2020, but we’ve still got a week to go.  That’s plenty of time for oh, I don’t know, an alien invasion, or a giant meteor, or the Yellowstone supervolcano, or zombies, or whatever.  At this point, if most of us aren’t dead by this time next year, I’ll count that as a win.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #magic christmas tree #fuck this movie #holiday reviews #60s

[thingswhatareawesome]

suitcase of memories, almost left behind

title: suitcase of memories, almost left behind fandom: Tiger and Bunny pairing: Barnaby/Kotetsu word count: 2890 summary: flung back and forth through time by a NEXT’s power, Kotetsu views memories of his past...but also of his future--a future with Barnaby?

For the March Flash fiction eleventh prompt: "You remembered?” and twelfth prompt: an anomalous time event

“Get away from me!” the NEXT, a middle-aged woman, screamed.

Kotetsu, hands raised in an attempt to show he meant no harm, tried to make a calming gesture. “Lady, ma’am, we’re not here to hurt you. We’re here to help.” He’d taken an right turn into the alleys, while Barnaby had swung left, and he could hear approaching footsteps. “Hey, hey, it’s all right. We know you haven’t done anything wrong. That power’s probably really surprising to you, yeah? Didn’t expect it to show up when you’re our age, right?”

The dark-haired woman continued to back away, eyes wide with fear, almost crying, “I don’t, I— I try to stop it but it keeps happening! Why won’t it stop?”

She’d backed into a dead end, the road cutting off between the back entrances of two shops, and Kotetsu tried to scoot just a bit closer, but as she backed away in response, she thumped against the wall behind her and startled, then gestured frantically at Kotetsu with a panicked shout.

A wall of invisible force slammed into him, and distantly he heard her yell, “Get away!” as he went flying, tumbling dizzily head over heels until he slammed hard into something with a crunch of metal and glass.

Head spinning, Kotetsu pushed himself upright only to jerk to a stop, mouth agape, as he stared around him. The alleys, the building, the car he’d no doubt crashed into, all of it was gone—and he was in a classroom, looking at himself, and Tomoe? They were high school aged, and she was in glasses, and the way the younger him was smirking at her, he’d no doubt just called her by that nickname she’d disliked so much—well, there’d been two, Ms.Class Rep and Ms. Glasses, and she’d gotten so annoyed at both. What the hell…? Wait, was this the first time he’d told her about wanting to be a Hero?

A blink, and suddenly he was at the factory where he’d fought Antonio, where he’d saved Tomoe from the fire, that time she’d decided his Hero name should Tiger—and where he’d first called her by her first name, even if she’d socked him hard in the stomach for doing so.

More scenes came them, like he was hopping from place to place, faster and faster. Their first date, when they’d moved in together, when they’d moved to Sternbild, their wedding day. When he was hired by Top MaG, the first time he officially acted as a Hero and appeared on Hero TV. Kotetsu covered his eyes, truly dizzy. It was like a slide show gone wild, like countless film reels were unspooling before his yes.

A weird hiccup noise, and everything paused. It was a sunny day by the hospital, and he saw himself helping Tomoe from the wheel chair the nurses had brought her down to the entrance in, nestling her carefully into the passenger seat of the car. Wait, wasn’t this—? Then he could see into the backseat of the vehicle, where an infant seat had been strapped in securely.  

“Kaede,” he murmured, tears springing to his eyes. She was so tiny. Could he hold her, just for a little bit?

But then like a snap, it was all gone, and he was flying through visions again: Kaede’s first word, the day she started to walk, the time he finally became King of Heroes, event after event, memory after memory—

And then suddenly he was falling—right into Barnaby Brooks Jr.’s arms. Or, the version of himself Kotetsu was watching did.

More and more followed—Kotetsu’s first day with the new company, that first day they were assigned to be partners; Barnaby saving Kaede, abruptly switching to when he saved Barnaby by jumping in front of Lunatic’s fire bolt; healing himself after the fight with Jake Martinez and racing to help Barnaby, arriving just in time to catch his partner as he nearly crumpled; the very first time Barnaby called him Kotetsu.

Then came the absolute agony of fighting with Barnaby, and he felt all over again the utter desolation when nothing he did brought back Barnaby’s memories of him, but also the overwhelming joy when calling him Bunny made his partner finally remember.

Kotetsu watched himself at the moment he’d realized how he felt about his partner, watched his own face as he was nearly overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings, struggling by the immensity of it all. Then watched himself mentally box it up and stash it away after finding out about Maverick kidnapping Kaede and the other Heroes. He remembered thinking back then that he could wait to break down about it later—only to accept that there would be no later when he sacrificed himself to help Barnaby defeat the robot Wild Tiger, doing whatever was necessary to save the city, his daughter, his friends, the man he loved, even if it meant…. And then he saw himself inexplicably surviving, and finally saving his little girl.

He saw then the first day of his retirement, saw himself walking away from Barnaby, remembering how he swore to give his partner the chance to focus on himself for once, to finally live a life that was free, that was his.

And then he saw his first day back as a Hero, watched himself fall into Barnaby’s arms again, watched them become partners again. At last.

Time suddenly rocketed forward, as if Kotetsu was launched from a sling shot, he shouted in alarm but he couldn’t hear a thing, and these weren’t memories anymore.

Scenes flashed before his eyes: his first date with Barnaby (?!), when he first said I love you to the other man (!!), when Barnaby first said I love you back (!!!), moving in together, then an image of each of them in matching grey tuxes at their wedding.

“What? What?” He was yelling without a voice, he was heaving for breath, so, so very dizzy, stomach swooping with shock and amazement (and awe and wonder and what could be…!)

He was ass on the pavement in some dusty back alley, laid out flat in his hero suit in the midst of metal debris and safety glass. And someone one was shaking him, calling his name. “Wild Tiger! Kotetsu! Kotetsu, wake up!”

Kotetsu blinked, then shot to a sitting position with a deep gasp, nearly slamming into Barnaby as he did so.

“Is she okay?” he demanded, wobbling as he tried to get to his feet. Barnaby grasped his hand and pulled him to a standing position, steadying him, his eyes scanning every detail of Kotetsu’s face with laser focus.

“Are you okay? Kotetsu…?”

Kotetsu patted Barnaby reassuringly with his free hand, scanning the people milling around in search of the NEXT. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” Then he spotted the woman a short distance away, flanked by Sky High and Blue Rose, and being eyed warily by a nearby cluster of police. “Hey! Don’t apprehend her! She wasn’t being aggressive, she hasn’t learned to control her powers yet and I scared her. It’s my fault!”  

The woman, who still looked almost like she was cowering, straightened and stared at him, then her face crumpled and her eyes filled. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice wavered. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t mean for this to happen. I can’t make it stop.”

“Your powers, they’re time related, right?”

Swallowing, she nodded jerkily, lip wobbling. “I. Yes. Sort of. I can make people see memories. Or, they for an instant go back in time? But it comes out like, like a blast? I don’t mean to hurt anyone. But I can’t hold it back, it just happens.”

“You’ll be all right,” Sky High comforted the woman. “We’ll help you, and you’ll be okay!”

“Excuse me folks, pardon me, can I get through,” Ben’s voice came from behind the officers, and they parted to let him through. “Ma’am, I’m Ben Jackson, with Apollon Media. And no, I’m not trying to pressure you into a job, I just oversee these guys.” He gestured with his thumb towards Kotetsu and Barnaby. “But I am here to help you. If you’d like to come back to our offices, we can discuss assisting you in finding resources to help you as a new NEXT. The Hero Academy generally is for younger people, but they do have instruction for adult NEXTs, even older adults, and we can put you in contact with them.”

The woman looked around her, glanced over at Kotetsu who gave her a thumbs up. “He’s right,” Kotetsu called out. “A little training, and that blast will be just a breeze. And you could help so many people with that power.”

“Help people? Do you really think so?”

“Yeah, like folks with Alzheimers or senility, elderly people? You could help them see all their treasured memories, even the things they’ve forgotten.” Kotetsu saw the woman straighten, could almost see the curiosity and confidence coming back to her.

Barnaby added, “Or you could help those with amnesia or other brain traumas regain their memories.” His partner was still grasping Kotetsu’s hand, so he gave it a bolstering squeeze. Of course, this would be something Barnaby would find personally affecting. It had been a handful of years since Maverick, but Kotetsu knew the younger man still struggled at times with what had been done to him. Powers like these could have helped him so much back then, when truth and reality battled behind Barnaby’s eyes—and in his nightmares—against Maverick’s brainwashing and lies.

“Yes. I. I would like that, very much.” The woman nodded to Kotetsu and Barnaby, then turned to Ben. “My name is Anvi Mangal. Please, I want to be able to help others, not hurt them.”

Gradually the crowd disbursed. Ben escorted Ms. Mangal to his vehicle, and Sky High and Blue Rose departed with a salute and a wave.

Barnaby turned his attention once again to Kotetsu. He carefully removed Kotetsu’s helmet, pressing gentle fingers to the sides and back of Kotetsu’s head. “You’re certain you’re all right,” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I just was stunned.” Kotetsu rapped a knuckle against his temple lightly. “Got my bell rung, is all. Mostly it was just being inundated with a few decades worth of memories,” he shrugged.

“What did you see?”

“A lot of Tomoe, Kaede. Some of the high points and achievements of my life.” Kotetsu paused. “And you, Bunny. A lot of you.” Hesitating a moment, he reached out and clasped Barnaby’s hands, holding them. “Bunny, I…I didn’t just see the past.” He met Barnaby’s gaze, steady, let himself marvel again at how beautiful and green his eyes were, how long his eyelashes were. He felt like he was at the top of a skyscraper, about to step off in a leap of faith.

It was time to trust that Barnaby would be there to catch him once more. “I saw the future, I think. I saw us. Together. Together, together.”

Barnaby’s eyes went wide, his lips parting on a silent gasp.

Taking a deep breath, Kotetsu wet his lips, and continued. “I’ve never said anything. I’ve always cared about you, so much. But, to tell you, how much, I…. You had so much on your shoulders, with what happened to your parents, trying to piece your life back together, after, after everything. Trying to heal from it. Always having to support me, with my powers disappearing, and my retirement. Even after coming back and getting to be your partner again, I just…I wanted to tell you. But, I. Everything felt so delicate, right?”

“And you didn’t want to ruin things,” Barnaby murmured. “We were partners again, and friends again. After so long, we were back together, and you didn’t want to risk it falling apart.” His eyes were shimmering, and he looked like he was on the edge of smiling or crying—but the smiling was winning.

God, Kotetsu had hoped…seeing all the not-yet-memories in his glimpse of the future, it’d struck Kotetsu that maybe, maybe all this time, Barnaby was hiding the same feelings Kotetsu was. And now, to hear these words from him, about Kotetsu, but at the same time obviously about himself. How could Kotetsu be this lucky? How could he be this lucky a second time? He released Barnaby’s hands only so he could take off his partner’s helmet as well, letting it slip to the ground. He ran still-gloved fingers along the sides of Barnaby’s face, trailed a gentle thumb beneath his eyes to catch the stray tear that finally dropped, wiping it away.

“Bunny. Barnaby. I’ve…I’ve loved you a really long time. I always thought I just had Tomoe in my heart, then one day you were there too, like you’d always been there.” He swallowed, feeling the moisture on his own face. “If the future I saw here was real…god, I want it. I want that with you, Bunny.”

Then Barnaby, skittish Barnaby who’d always shrugged off Kotetsu’s hugs, who always complained or fussed if they went on too long, embraced Kotetsu with a loud clatter of their hero suits, squeezing him so tightly Kotetsu thought he could feel his ribs creak even in the armor. He was laughing wetly, but sounded so relieved. “Me too, it’s the same for me too. Old man, it’s been driving me crazy, I’ve wanted to say something for so long.”

Finally he pulled back, just far enough Kotetsu could see his face again. And it stole Kotetsu’s breath away, the sheer joy in Barnaby’s wide, wide smile. He’d never seen Barnaby more beautiful than at this moment. “How long’s it been for you?”

Barnaby chuckled softly, wiping under his eyes. “It first hit me that time, after Jake Martinez. When you said you trusted me to believe you.” And there was that beautiful smile again. “It was like a good luck mode punch to the chest. I don’t think I ever quite recovered.”

“I don’t know that I can point at a specific day, or event,” Kotetsu mused. He shrugged one shoulder. “It was like you snuck in on quiet little rabbit feet and just waited for me to finally notice.” He grinned. “My li’l Bunny.” Barnaby huffed, but he still held Kotetsu, and Kotetsu realized then, now that he knew, Barnaby was never going to let him go. And Kotetsu trusted in that, one hundred percent.

“So what now,” he asked, affection a warm, glowing thing beneath his sternum, and he tapped lightly at the chestplate of Barnaby’s hero suit. “Do we…should we go out? Dinner and…?”

“Definitely. Yes, let’s do that.” Barnaby’s hands hand slid down to rest at Kotetsu’s waist, and Kotetsu found he really liked them there. “Maybe something quiet and small. How about that barbecue and Korean barbecue restaurant Ben recommended?”

Kotetsu nodded as he recalled Ben mentioning his cousin and her husband’s new business. He’d always wanted to try—  TIngles flashed over his scalp, and Kotetsu did a jaw-dropped doubletake, staring at Barnaby in shock. Wait, that was, that was the exact place! Their first date! Barnaby looked momentarily confused, then stared at Kotetsu in wonder.

“Really? You saw…?”

Now Kotetsu was beaming and he didn’t think he’d ever stop smiling again. With a whoop, he grabbed Barnaby into another hug, so giddy he couldn’t help but spin them both around until they both dissolved into laughter. Staggering to a halt and helpless with giggling, Kotetsu had to wipe his eyes for an entirely different reason this time.

“Y’know what’s the best part? Today’s the date we were first partnered together.”

Barnaby’s face brightened, “it is!” His smile grew impossibly fond as he looked at Kotetsu. “You remembered.”

“Of course, always.” God, he loved Barnaby so fantastically much, how had he ever kept it tucked away and secret in himself so long? “I can’t wait to have a ton of anniversaries with you.” He sounded like such a sappy fool…and he loved it. “Wait, I thought of another one!”

As Barnaby looked at him curiously, he took Barnaby’s face in his hands, then leaned in and brushed their lips together, once, twice, and by the third, Barnaby met him in the middle for a lingering, thorough kiss. When they finally parted, Kotetsu announced with a wink, “First kiss!” And he learned then that a blushing, delighted Barnaby was his absolute number one favorite thing.

Kotetsu didn’t know what the future really held, but when it came to love, he couldn’t wait to experience every moment of it, now that it would be a future with Barnaby.

#tiger and bunny #taibani #fanfiction #March Flash Fiction #getting back on the horse again...again again

[champagne-bucky]

Prescription For... (Just a Touch)

Summary: Steve learns the basics.

Warnings: pre-serum Steve x reader, crude language, masturbation (male and female), dirty thoughts

Notes: Soooo this is kinda late (by like a month or two) but this is kinda my thank you for 1,000 on Tumblr!!! Thank you all so so so much for your support and love towards me and my writings!! Enjoy!!

After Bucky’s interesting visit with Old Man Rogers, he had to go back for more. He honestly did not believe a word his older best friend spoke to him. Was he going senile? Maybe he was lying? Or, maybe he was telling the truth…

“Back for more?” The older gentleman chuckled at the impromptu visit from his childhood friend.

“I just gotta know, are you pulling my leg? Because if you are that was a pretty fucking good gag, Steve,” no matter how many times Steve told Bucky about her, Bucky really thought the old captain was lying to him.

“I assure you, it was all real,” Steve smirked at Bucky and Bucky was a little squeamish at that.

“So, then what else happened between you and her? Did you visit her while you returned the stone? Did you ever keep in touch with her like you did with Peggy? C’mon Steve don’t leave me hanging,” Steve chuckled at his friend.

“All in due time, Buck. Head home now, I’ve gotta take my meds and head to bed,” Bucky gave Steve a hug and pat on the back.

“I’ll be back,” Bucky called out.

“You always do,” Steve responded.

—

Later that night, Steve laid in his bed and dreamed of his woman. The woman before the shield, before the title, before his name. He dreamed of her.

*flashback*

“So, Rogers, them boys been giving you trouble for a while now, huh?” She sat across from the nervous young man while sipping on her drink.

“Just the usual stuff. This always happens to me, ya know,” he responds as he plays with the collar of his shirt.

“You don’t listen to those boys. All they are is scared little boys who got no business picking on a guy like you,” Steve scoffed at that.

“Then why do they always come after me?”

“Depends, your pal Bucky out of town or something?” It did dawn on Steve that whenever Bucky wasn’t around he did get picked on a lot more.

“I don’t like the way they spoke to you today. Sayin’ that you and your momma are,” she shuddered in disgust, “are like that. I find it charming that a man can be that close with his momma,” Steve blushed at that. All his life people would tease and taunt him for being a momma’s boy. Bucky was the same with his mother. However, when there’s a guy as big and buff as he is the guys don’t pick on you as much.

“They’re probably just jealous cause they can’t find any lady around her to screw around with. Probably touch their you know what’s to a peach and imagine a lady attached,” Steve choked on his drink. He never heard a woman speak such vulgarity.

“What?” She looked at him curiously.

“Ya know,” she started doing the motion of a closed fist going up and down.

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. What was she doing?

“Oh, Oh my gosh! You’ve never…” she trailed off as she looked at Steve’s expression. Poor Steve started to blush out of embarrassment.

“No, no, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Didn’t you ever learn what that was,” she tried her best to not be crude, but she knew it wasn’t gonna work.

“I’m not following,” poor boy.

“Steve,” she let out a little chuckle, ��I’m talking about masterbating. You’ve never heard about that before?” Steve choked back his shocked expression as she whispered the last part.

Of courses he’s heard of that word before. He remembers how his momma sat him down one day and told him that good boys don’t do dirty things like touch their privates. She scarred poor Steve at such a young age about the evils of self pleasure.

“I-I have, I just thought I w-wasn’t supposed to d-do it,” Steve was entirely red at this point.

“Oh, Stevie. My poor poor boy you’re mistaken’,” she shook her head and placed a hand over his. “There’s nothing wrong with touching yourself,” she had confidence that Steve had never seen before, not even in Bucky. “It’s a good thing, a really good thing. It’ll prepare you for later,” she winked as Steve’s eyes blew as wide as the moon.

He forgot about the offer she had made. Oh god, just knowing that made him feel ashamed of himself, he didn’t know anything about masterbating let alone sex. He’s a fraud!

“H-How do I-I do it,” he was looking everywhere except her face.

She smirked and began to tell him the rundown. Steve was baffled by how all this worked. He didn’t know how his mother would feel about this if she ever caught him. Oh god, what if she caught him, Steve thought.

“Listen, just try it, there’s no need to rush or overthink it. However in the event that you do do it,” she smirked and played with the hair at the nape of his neck, “let me know every little detail,” she winked and gave Steve a kiss on the cheek as she left the little diner they were in.

-

Steve had been nervous all throughout the night when he returned home. Every time his mother asked him a question he would start to get nervous. Thinking that he was starting to come down with something, she abruptly sent him to bed, alone with his thoughts.

Now flash forward to Steve in his room, laid out on his bed, stripped down to nothing but a pair of boxers and his pale little chest heaving up and down in the moonlight. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought. What should turn him on? He laid there for what felt like hours, only it was mere minutes, before his mind wandered back to her.

Did she do this too? Did she lay down in her bed every night and do dirty things to make her feel better? Did she tug her nightgown up to her hips and play down there until she felt euphoric? Would she not wear her undergarments to bed, maybe discard them so they wouldn't feel so dirty?

Oh, so this is how you start, huh? Steve felt himself get harder at the thought of her doing that. Her sweet little nightgown resting above her belly button, undergarments taken neatly off her heating body as her sweet little center starts to slick. She’s featherlight with her touches, she hisses when she applies pressure to her sweet and sensitive breasts.

Quiet moans escape past her beautiful lips as she rubs her thighs together for some relief. That’s not enough to quench the increasingly burning fire. Her one hand leaves its place, pulling and pinching the dusty pink nipple that is way past its usual sensitivity limit.

It’s wet down there, so wet. She feels a light sheen of sweat gloss over her perfect skin. Her fingers make hasty work as she plays, pulls, and rubs the sensitive little nub. Her moans start to get too loud, she has to put her other hand over her mouth to silence them. She fails quickly as she slips a finger in her center, then two. It’s mind blowing, the sweet and slick core pulsing at every rapid movement. No room for teasing tonight, she has to be quick before anyone hears her.

Three fingers, she’s never done this before. It feels so good. Her back arches off the bed ever so slightly out of pleasure. She’s going faster now, so fast she hears little noises coming from down there. It’s so hot. So hot that she can’t take the amount of pleasure anymore. She lets go and it's an amazing feeling. Her bed sheets are soaked as well as her thighs. She’s heavy breathing now as she scrambles to get up.

Her legs are shaking with every movement as she strips her sheets and wipes herself down. The air feels nice and cool against her burning skin. She needed this tonight and she’s glad it happened.

Finally, she changes her sheet and lays back in bed. All cool and rested thinking about the skinny boy who visits her father's pharmacy every day.

-

Steve is sitting up now, hand around his painfully aching cock. He’s pumping up and down so fast. The precum spilling out the top was enough to coat his big shaft. He’s holding back his grunts with clenched teeth.

It feels good, it’s so good that he needs to stop himself a few times so the pleasure doesn’t end early. He’s starting to make sweet sounds on his glistening member too. His other hand is making a tight grip on the edge of his mattress. He can’t hold on for long, he’s gotta do it.

He lets go. The mess ends up on his chest and dribbles down his abdomen. He’s coated in his own sheen of sweat and he is breathless.

Steve couldn't believe what had just happened. He feels a mix of shame, but not as much as he feels the missing fulfillment of pleasure. This sweet delicacy should’ve been a part of his life way earlier. Screw it, he wants to do it a second time, third time, so many times, but he knows he can’t. He needs some sleep since this activity drained him of all his energy.

He sleeps like a baby for the first time in years. He’s cooled down and feels less stressed. Steve can’t wait to do it again.

-

Her phone rings a numerous number of times. Her mother yells for her to come near as she says a young gentleman is asking for her. She trudges towards the phone and smirks as she hears her soon to be lover's voice telling her that the deed has been done.

“So you ready to learn more, Rogers?”

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers smut #pre serum steve #pre serum Steve x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x y/n #captain america #captain america smut #captain america one shot #captain america x reader #captain america imagine #captain America x you #captain america x y/n #marvel smut #marvel one shot #marvel imagine

[pog-through-the-suffering]

ive . never made an original post on this blog besides being completely head full of thoughts regarding the dream smp these past months so, 🎉here’s to my first og post

The Traitor!!!

(yeah i know it's already been a day and none of this stuff is new hsjfhj just let me be a drama queen that really likes analysing characters)

can i just say before i get into it that i love the descent into pretty much grey morality for most of the "characters" involved in the smp. like. pretty much nobody is morally correct! other than niki nihachu because niki can do no wrong :) also i'll be referring to the characters... of these people? and not who they are

now, i've got a couple people that i think are traitors and i'll explain them a little further down but here's some things i noted when i was watching the vod that might be interesting owo

dream says, quote, "[you] may have traitors in your ranks" which,

could be a double jebait; he knows there's a traitor but he wants to sound like it's up in the air

there really is no traitor and this is just a ruse to get pogtopia to implode on itself

the traitor still hasn't made up their mind on whether or not they will betray pogtopia

and i think the last one is the most interesting, at least from a semi-meta perspective, to have a traitor that's not fully into the role and doesn't decide until last minute. idk, something about the angst really fuels me :)

either way, here's my predictions on who could be the traitor ranked (more or less) most compelling to least compelling, and i'm not accounting for realism because... this is my tumblr post and i get to pick how i order things :) i'm hiding the (long) analysis in read more because... i just realized how much i have to say and i am Not concise.

tl;dr

tubbo, while unrealistic, makes for an interesting twist and, for angst reasons, would also be cool to write about if he betrays pogtopia

similar to tubbo, tommy betraying is unrealistic, but for angst reasons would also be cool

technoblade is kind of obvious, but the continuity (if he’s the traitor) would make me pretty happy.

wilbur soot would be a little null, since he’s already planning on blowing everything to smithereens either way, but would be another step in his spiral downwards (jeez how far can this guy go) so i’m not mad.

georgenotfound would not be super surprising per say but would continue with his general characterization as an arbiter of chaos (i’ll maybe elaborate in a different post) it would be :)

badlands folks would... not be surprising. they never formally aligned with pogtopia, and aside from sam never really... offered their help? concretely, at least.

fundy already used up his secret traitor card.

same with eret, i love her, but his betrayal wouldn’t be super impactful. plus, they’re more aligned with badlands?

niki nihachu... i said i won’t care about realism but i sincerely cannot in canon imagine this. but if she did... oh the angst would be *chef’s kiss*

hbomb, ponk, purpled, itsalyssa, punz, other people? they never really were involved with this season aside from like,,, maybe helping schlatt hunt down tommy and wilbur right at the beginning. so the betrayal wouldn’t. matter.

tubbo - look, ik i said i don't care about realism, but the chances of this actually happening are... pretty slim. i love tubbo. i support tubbo. but they... like, the confused "no?" when he first came on VC with tommy makes me think it probably won't be him, unless they're really that good at acting. which, i mean, i guess would make for a fantastic surprise. but there's something deeply compelling about this kid, who largely has been relegated to third in command/less important than his friend, and who has been treated like a work horse a lot of the time (being asked to farm netherite for this upcoming war, being forced to decorate what ended up being his fucking funeral, otherwise grinding for shit in the earliest war only for it to get ruined by dteam), fucking snapping. plus, it's not like tubbo hasn't demonstrated his penchance towards chaos. also, i think there's something to be said about the lingering effects of manipulative authority/paternal figures and how that would manifest in tubbo, but that's a post for another day.

tommy - okay, yeah, maybe i just like kids my age popping the fuck off because of terrible parental figures, but shhhhhh. for real though, i think it would be really interesting for the person who up to this point has largely been the moral compass or otherwise the hero of the smp. for him to turn out to have always been as bad as the "villains" he's fighting... i dunno. also, something about him betraying because he's so fucking done with the people who are supposed to protect and lead him? mghhghh. but i like this probably mostly for the pop off factor LOL

technoblade - i mean... this one's a little obvious innit? i'm not mad at this, for sure, because techno's always made it clear he is ultimately here for chaos and anarchy. plus, i'll be able to stew in the dynamics of dream and techno fucking the server up LOL. all that aside, if techno turns out to be the villain i will be happy about the (now) fired chekhov's gun. like, i appreciate the continuity between "schlatt suggests techno is a pogtopia spy when he joins" to "techno admits he's just an anarchist" to techno's accidental or forced, depending on how you read it, betrayal of pogtopia by killing tubbo, and it all culminating in techno's final betrayal. while not the most surprising, it would be narratively fitting. and that's always nice isn't it? when things end with a nice bow on top-

speaking of nice bows on top, wilbur soot! i mean,,, as the man has said himself, there's really nothing more he can do to betray (if not pogtopia) tommy's values. the bitch wants to blow up manberg! and that's super fucking sexy. i love his corruption arc, it's *chef's kiss.* so... is he gonna be the traitor? probably not. but something about being driven to the very brink, that you've got nothing else even after you want to destroy it all that you seek out your former mortal enemy to cause even more pain and destruction... very compelling, very nice.

speaking of brunet british twinks,,, georgenotfound. even if george wasn't really on the smp or never formally betrayed manberg, i think they kind of accepted that he's on their side. and while this wouldn't necessarily a surprising twist, this would continue with dteam's (accidental?) characterization of themselves as arbiters of chaos. maybe i'll write a whole nother post about that, stay tuned :)

any of the badlands people - i mean... i love them. i love what they stand for. but they never really aligned with pogtopia, did they? so one of them, any of them, except maybe sam, would make for a pretty weak sauce twist. like, perhaps with skeppy? and it continuing the trend of enemy between tommy and skeppy? but really the most compelling is sam in that he agreed to help tommy but as a final reveal he doesn't join tommy's side when tommy does whatever with the creeper head.

as for weak sauce twists, fundy being the traitor would be pretty fuckin' weak. i'm sorry! he already used his secret traitor card, and everyone knows, once you've used it once you can never (until the next season) use it again.

other characters on the smp... yeah, i love eret! i love her! he's fucking fantastic! their gay castle? best fucking build! but like i said, already used secret traitor card. plus, she's part of badlands, so i don't think his betrayal would be surprising. and niki nihachu,,, i know i said i wouldn't care about realism, but i honest to god cannot imagine her being the traitor. i guess if she was there'd be some nice angst about her realizing that everything is shit, no matter where you turn, pogtopia's being run by a fanatical JD, manberg's run by a dictatorial senile goat man, badlands isn't even strong enough to have its own territory. so, what can a woman do when she has nothing left to lose? but for real, within canon it just... wouldn't really make sense to me. hbomb hasn't been involved in the plot, punz + ponk + purpled + alyssa + others haven't really been involved in the plot aside from. like chasing down tommy and wilbur that one time.

and... yeah! those are my thoughts :)

#og posts #long post #mcyt #dream smp spoilers #dream smp #the swearing happens after the read more #so if that's triggering for you pls stay safe <3 #(and if this somehow gets popular enough that people want a clean version...) #if any of this doesnt make sense.... send me an ask!! #i would love to brain dump more #plus #this was all written in like... half an hour without revisions #tommyinnit #tubbo #tubbo_ #technoblade #wilbur soot #georgenotfound #badlands #badboyhalo #awesamdude #skeppy #antfrost #fundy #itsfundy #eret #theeret #nihachu #hbomb94 #punztw

[dracula-in-purple-story]

Trick and Treat

The benefits of being underground heroes means no one would recognise you. A fact that three certain heroes (plus a sentient quirk) exploit it mercilessly. 

Halloween. An event where people of all kinds get to excuse themselves for pranks and indulged themselves with tooth-rotting candy. It’s also a certain event where two gothic-theme heroes are free to cursed their mothers for bringing them to life far too soon or far too late.

“That’s not a reason to cursed my in-laws, Fumi, Shi.” Shoji Mezou huffed before turning two of his appendages to mouths as to pecked his gloomy husbands. Shoji-Tokoyami Fumikage, who draped himself with a dark cloak and held a handmade scythe, fumed pettily alongside with Shoji-Kuroiro Shihai, who decided to wrapped themselves an equally as black bandages.

“Mezou love, I didn’t agree to marry you to hear you stand in defence for our mothers who let us down for the first time in the beginning of our lives.”

“Fumi’s right in a way. If only they could at least put in more effort on giving birth before the sacred event had ended-”

“Or wait a bit more longer-”

“Okay, guys. I kinda didn’t agree to waste my day off on listening to your brooding. So, could we get moving?” Ojiro Tooru wiggled around in her plain-white cloth while exaggerated her frustration, earning some laughs among her husbands.

“Take care and have fun, Ruru,” Mashirao softly spoke as he setting up the makeshift pillow fort around Hitoshi. The Ojiro husbands decided to spend their rare day off to watch horror marathon with the main Shoji patriarch. 

The invisible lady just giggled before dragging off the other Shoji husbands for their play dates. Mezou waved them off, even blew the sentient quirk a kiss back, before settling down besides the pillow fort. 

“Five thousand yens they come back with more candies than they are allow to have.”

“Six thousand.”

“Bet.”

“Toshi! Mezou!”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Any gummy packets? All I got is candy corns.” the boy with four arms and dressed as Red Riot grimaced.

“Nope, I only got two packets of strawberry marshmallows and some Miruko-branded carrot candies, Red Riot Junior. What about you, Deku Junior?” the green-skinned girl dressed as Shemage quietly answered before glancing at the bulking boy with scales that dressed as the Symbol of Hope.

He smirked before lifting up his bucket, making the other kids jaw dropped. In there, three huge packets of Bakusquad-branded fruity gummies, five king-sized Fatgum-branded chocolate bars, two swirly red and white lollipops, and a box of bite-sized candy bars themed after Pre-Debut UA Class A.

“Impressive, huh?”

“No jokes, Ken- I mean, Deku Junior! How?!” the Red Riot ‘Junior’ tried to reach out before getting his hand slapped by the now-sneering boy.

“Don’t touch it! Anyways, I just roamed around the neighbourhood that filled with old farts who got too much money to spend. One glance at my mega awesome costume then they throwing me prizes after prizes!” The scaly boy exclaimed proudly as he showed off his goods, “Wish you have this amazing influence than some two-bits characters you two decided to dressed as!”

“You got some nerves insulting the chivalrous hero and the mushroom heroine, kid.” All three kids quickly turned towards the voice down the alley. Seeing that it’s someone who decided that draping a white blanket is a good enough costume, the boy scoffed rudely.

“What, blanket girlie, you think you have the rights to tell me off when you have a lame ass costume?” “Wrong, it’s an awesome costume!” the blanket girlie huffed out her chest proudly, “You just didn’t see what is under these ghost sheets.”

“Ghost sheets?” the green girl snickered, “Yeah, right.”

“Why don’t we check it out, eh?” the four-arms boy grinned at the Deku cosplayer, who smirked back as he reached out to pull the sheets. As he did so, the kids paled. There is... nothing under the sheet. Not even the girl who is supposed to be draped over. 

Suddenly, eerie radio screeches can be heard behind the ghost(?). Two little lights are flashing red at where the head are supposed to be located. The lackeys, scared out of their wits, dropped their buckets as they ran away, leaving the leader behind. 

“You took a look under my sheet, and now...” the ghost(?) floated even higher, “YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED! MUAHAHAHA!”

“AAAAA!” the scaly brute dashed off immediately after throwing his bucket at the ghost(?). As the boy disappeared down the street, Tooru immediately emptied out the buckets into her Invisible Bag, which is almost filled to the brimmed with her delicious loots. Hearing another group of little trick-or-treaters coming in her way, she immediately set into her position.

~~~~~~~~~~

This is just plain stupid. This horror story telling is too repetitive. The dead girl in the toilet. The spooky piano that plays on its own. The suicide forest. Sure they can scared and spooked Hanako at first but listening to these stories over and over again seems to lose its charm.

Her peers didn’t seem to think so. Sitting in a badly formed circle in the middle of an empty park with an electric candle right in the middle of the said circle. Some third-rated spooky music supposedly to put people in the mood to get scared. 

“... and there she sat, drinking the boy’s blood like a drug!”

“You sure this is a true story? Sounds fake.”

“Totes not! Search ‘blood drinking girl’, man!”

Even if it’s a true story, Hanako doubt the legality of the story. If this T.H. girl supposedly love this guy, she should kill those girls instead of the boy. Eh, she shouldn’t question it.

“Sooooo, who’s next?”

“Can I have a turn?” 

“Sure!”

A husky voice chuckled, making the horror-numb girl trembled. That was new to her, not one of her peers sound like that. Even her seat partners shivered too.

“Let’s see, anyone ever heard of a certain narcissistic man who killed anyone who said he’s ugly?”

Oh, this is new. Perhaps her peers didn’t disappoint her yet. After affirmation, the rasping voice continued. Due to the light is too dimmed, she was unable to see who’s telling the tale with such voice.

“There was once a man, with a face no one could ever compare to. His visual is second to none. Women praised him, loved him, worshipped him. Men hated him, cursed him, and some even fell for him.”

Hanako lighted up. A total original story! She listened with rapt attention, ignoring how her horny peers groaned and moaned at the suggestively rough voice.

“One unfortunate event is all it took for people to turned away from the man. An arson planned by envious men who couldn’t take it anymore, seeing their supposedly lawful spouses dreamed and loved a man that isn’t them. How envy drove them mad. The damage is dealt. His entire body is burnt to crisps and yet, he lived.”

The music stopped. Before the person in charge of it could fix it, it suddenly played an ominous song that she had never heard before. She didn’t know that the harsh-sounding peer have good taste in music. 

“Truly unfortunate it is. The once handsome man lost all his supporters in one whole swoop. His haters jeered and hurling faux-pity at him. He couldn’t take it anymore. Wrapped in his measly black-burnt bandages, he asked each and every single one of the people, ‘Am I handsome? Am I gorgeous?’. People jabbed jokes at him before they get stabbed to death.”

Hanako is curling into her jacket as the air getting chilly. Weird, as inattentive as she was, no one have a quirk related to wind. Now she think about it, not even one of them have a husky voice, even the her male peers are just getting their puberty hit on them.

“One by one, they dropped to their death. Even children and the senile were not spared. The man went mad with his vanity spiralled out. He asked, he cried, he stabbed. Then, he came onto a group of teens who sat around in a circle telling stories after stories. Can I ask?”

The girl suddenly felt dread coursed over her body. She thinks some of her peers piss themselves. Before anyone could react, the electrical candle went off. Hanako quickly reached out to turned it on and, lo and behold, a man wrapped in black-burnt bandages stood in the middle of the circle.

“Am I handsome?” the man who owned said husky voice gleamed at them with flashing black eyes, “Am I... gorgeous?”

Screams could be heard throughout the neighbourhood. When people found the source of said scream, teens would either huddled up or straight up fainted. The only thing missing among them are the candies they collected. Hanako might cried a bit, but whoever that man is, he earned himself a fan.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Happy Halloween!” 

Waving off the kids, Mrs Gokudera beamed at her almost empty candy-bowl. Ever since her grandkids started their high schools, they almost never visit her in this lonely home, which makes this holiday truly joyful. Just as she was about to filled the candy-bowl with her homemade striped candy balls, her doorbell rang. Sighing blissfully, she opened up the door.

Instead of little children, few masked people appeared the other side of the door. Mrs Gokudera usually pleased to see that other people enjoyed the good old trick-or-treating but her quirk, Intentions, alerted her as she saw them with dangerously black aura. 

“Heya, old lady. Trick or-”

“Definitely trick, imbeciles.”

Interrupting the one who started to sprouted blades out of their arms, the group of masked people turned towards the other side. Mrs Gokudera couldn’t see who it was as the malicious people blocked her sights but she saw a white aura coming out from that person. Knowing she was in good hands, she immediately slammed her door and dialled the police. As she dare peeked out of the window, she gawked at a hooded figure fighting against people with an obviously fake scythe and a manifested shadow(?) that seems to basked in the chaos.

When the police arrived, the fight is over. The hooded figure and his shadow companion came out unscathed but his prop is broken. Sensing his frustration through a grey aura, Mrs Gokudera beckoned the bird-headed figure, who seems to finished his statement to the police.

“Hello, dearie. You okay?”

“Don’t worry, madam. We are perfectly fine. Although we had to cut short our fun due to this unholy festive spirits that decided to bother you.” the hooded figure solemnly nodded.

“Oh dear. Sorry to cause you trouble.”

The shadow companion seems to beamed at her loudly, “Don’t worry, lady! We are heroes! This is nothing!”

Ah, that explains why the police didn’t bother him for vigilantism. Clearing her thoughts up, she thanked him by giving most of her stashes. It’s really funny seeing how the bird-headed hero humbly accepted while the shadow just cackled in delight as they dumped the wrapped candy balls into their goody bags.

~~~~~~~~~~

“We are back, hubbies!”

“Welcome ba- why are there ten gigantic bags? Did you guys steal them?”

The three trick-or-treaters sheepishly chuckled as they got stared down by the tail hero. Behind Mashirao, Mezou handed a few paper money to Hitoshi, who tried to snickered quietly before got stared down by his disappointed husband too.

#Boku no Hero Academia #BNHA #Shoji Mezo #Tokoyami Fumikage #Hagakure Tooru #Ojiro Mashirao #Shinso Hitoshi #Kuroiro Shihai #Shotoko #Shitoko #Shokuro #Shotokokuro #Shinoji #Ojitooru #Shintooru #Shinojitooru #draculainpurple