#hopefully i'll be back soon. just need 2 take care of some personal stuff [a truck is speeding towards me. ''BPD'' is painted on its side]

[jinmukangwrites]

Weep little lion man (2/14)

First-previous-next

Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order/Survivor Rating: T Warnings: kidnapping, minor discrimination of injury Ao3 Notes: update schedule for every Thursday somehow going strong. Hopefully I keep on track for next week.

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-------

Bode told Kata to pack. Even as he walks into Denvik's office, he can hardly believe it.

He feels like he's living in a daze, walking in a dream. He... actually did that. He has the compass, Kata packing, Denvik none-the-wiser...

And Cal stuffed into the small storage compartment of his fighter jet.

That last one wasn't a part of the plan. The plan was to convince Cal out of giving the compass to the hidden path, or maybe go on a solo "scouting mission" with Cal to Tanalor and reveal everything then. What he just did was impulsive. Foolish. Once Cal wakes up long enough to process everything he's going to hate Bode, he's sure.

But it'll be worth it.

He'd rather have Kata lonely if it means she's safe.

He'd rather have Cal hate him if it means he's alive.

"It's not often you visit in person, Bode," Denvik says, leaning back in his chair with his hands folded neatly on the table. "Something must be important. Tell me, how's the mission? Good news I trust."

"Plans have changed," Bode says. "In our favor."

Denvik grins; predatorial, stomach-churning. "Do tell."

"Kestis had an argument with the rest of his crew," Bode begins the hastily put together lie. "He's planning on returning to Saw Gerrera to work off some steam."

"And how is this in our favor?"

"Cere Junda is not the only one you want, yeah?" Bode says, and Denvik's smile sharpens. "Kestis is in a position right now where he's cut communications with his friends. If he goes, let's say, missing, no one will notice until it's too late."

"That certainly is a development..." Denvik says coyly. "What was the nature of the argument?"

Bode shrugs. "Same thing that caused them to split in the first place. Kestis has made it his life's goal to resist the Empire, the others can't match the mindset. He thinks they're doing nothing, and he wants to feel useful."

"Interesting," Denvik says, "however, this could still be a risk to the operation. The Jedha invasion is not for a few more months, so much could go wrong in that time."

"We have to act soon," Bode insists. "A few months is risky, but he'll be back with Gerrera in a few weeks. It'll be impossible to get him after that, especially once he finds out about the assault on Jedha. Besides, I know what you plan to do with him, you might even be able to have an extra soldier for the attack. All I'm asking for is some... proper equipment for capturing a Jedi. I'm sure you have some Force resistant stuff."

"Oh I do," Denvik assures. "I'm still not convinced this is worth the risk, however."

"You want Kestis under your control don't you?" Bode asks perhaps a bit too coldly, but Denvik doesn't waver. "I'm close to giving you just that. Give me the things I need and he'll be your pet, not Vader's. Surely you know how useful a Jedi under your control is. Imagine having two."

Denvik doesn't say anything as one hand raises to his chin in thought. He stays silent for a few moments, before he looks Bode in the eyes. "And it will not affect the Jedha invasion?"

"On my word."

"And on Kata's safety?"

Bode bristles. "I wouldn't suggest it if that was in the question."

Denvik takes another moment, then he nods. "Very well. I'll see to it you have access to all the equipment you need. I expect results, and quickly."

"You'll get them," Bode assures, careful to not release a breath of relief quite yet. "Trust me, this'll go off without a hitch."

-o-o-o-o-

As much as he wants to, he doesn't go to Kata right away. It's been a long while since he's last seen her in person, but he has other things to do right now. What's a few hours added to weeks of waiting?

No one stops him as he travels through the halls of the ISB base, Denvik had already given orders to let him through without question. Various trooper helmets do watch him as he passes, however it doesn't bug him none. For all they knew, he's just another bounty hunter working for the IBS. For all they cared, he's just an order to follow.

There's no one in the supply rooms besides a few guards posted at the door, so he practically has the lines of shelves all to himself. He passes by the various stored weapons, armors, and tools until he gets to where the more useful stuff is. Restraints, ration supplies, survival gear.

He drops a duffle onto a nearby counter and begins gathering what he needs. He goes to the food supply first. He didn't get much from Zee's head about Tanalor, but he at least knows that there is local wildlife that are safe for domestication and consumption. The soil is good for plant growth, and even has local edible species of its own. The problem is that starting up a renewable food supply on an uninhabited planet would take time, so a few months' rations should do them just fine for the time being. Then, he goes to the gear, grabbing blankets and hydrophobic gear and some rope, first-aid.

He grabs other supplies here and there, things he doesn't quite know if he'd need but doesn't hurt to anyways. He only realizes as he's trying to stuff a fire-starter into his bag that he's... procrastinating.

He forces himself to look at the restraints. All shapes and forms stare back. Cuffs for various sizes of sapients. Collars. Muzzles. Some look quite simple, others look like they're made to be painful.

The sight makes him sick.

He's pretty sure the adrenaline was the only thing that made it possible for him to restrain Cal in the first place with his makeshift bindings. Somehow, imagining these... things... locked around Cal... it all feels so much more serious.

He almost wishes there was another way. That Cal didn't care so much. That Bode didn't care so much. He wishes Cal took the options Bode tried to give him. He wishes he never started to worry for Cal's well-being.

Most of all, he wishes that he could go back to his ship, untie Cal, and have Cal understand what he was trying to do here. The good he's trying to do. He doesn't want to restrain and imprison his best friend. The thought makes him sick.

But he has to do what he must. It's only a precaution. Once they're safe on Tanalor, then he can take the restraints off when Cal realizes the situation he's in. This is just to make sure he keeps secure until then, so that he won't attack Bode or stars-forbid Kata.

Kata.

Bode has to make sure Kata doesn't know about this quite yet either. When he introduces them to each other, he needs it to be under Cal's free will. Kata can't know about this, she's a pure soul and she might not understand if he shows her the unconscious body he has in the storage compartment.

He forces himself to move robotically, tactically.

He grabs the things strong enough to hinder a Jedi, and a few worst-case-scenarios. Before he leaves, he grabs a handful of tranquilizers, stuffs it in his duffle, then leaves before regret can catch up with him.

-o-o-o-o-

He's never been more glad for a private hanger to park his ship. There's no guards, no droids, to watch as he approaches his ship and double checks he parked it strategically enough to hide the cargo-hatch from view of the one camera located near the airlock.

Once he's satisfied nothing will catch him off guard, he approaches the hatch and stops to listen for a few loud heartbeats.

He hears nothing, no shifting, no shouts. Nothing.

He takes a deep breath, then opens the hatch.

The sight that greets him is like a punch to the gut. Cal is almost exactly how he left him; stuffed into the compartment, bound hand, arm, knee, ankle. He's curled up in a way that Bode definitely doesn't think would be comfortable, even for a guy half his own size, but it's the only way he could get Cal on the ship other than having the poor guy sit in Bode's lap as he flies. And well, considering how angry Cal might be once he's awake it would be a horrible idea to do that.

So yeah, the sight that greets him is a punch to the gut, but it's also exactly what he was expecting to see. His eyes are still closed, even.

That makes it a bit easier for Bode's sake-of-mind to place down his duffle and dig out various medical tools and a knife.

He begins by carefully cutting the makeshift rope around Cal's knees, however he pauses when Cal suddenly shifts and groans when Bode tries to get at the blaster wound.

He watched Cal's face, heart drilling into his ears, as Cal's eyelids squeeze and another grunt leaves his slightly parted lips. His arms tense... and then he falls still.

Bode knows how light of a sleeper Cal is, but he also knows what a blaster-grip to the forehead could do to a bastard. So either Cal is starting to wake up naturally, or his knee really hurts.

He considers his options but only for a moment. He can't have Cal waking up too early.

He reaches into the duffle and grabs one of the tranquilizers, bending his upper-body into the compartment to press the tranquilizer into the crook of Cal's exposed neck, just below the corner of his jaw.

The prick of the needle has Cal flinching, his breath catching as his eyes fly open.

Bode can't move as Cal startles, eyes flickering wildly. His hand is still under Cal's jaw, and it's like he's been frozen in carbonite as Cal meets his eyes for just a moment. His lips groggily move, his eyelids flickering and closing more and more each time as the tranquilizer takes hold.

"B-Bode..."

And he's out.

Bode stays still for a few moments before he releases a breath.

Get back to work, soldier.

He returns to working on Cal's knee, cutting away the rest of the bindings and some of his singed pants, rubbing bacta on the wound before wrapping it. He doesn't have enough light to see the full damage of the wound, but he'll get more time to check again later once they're on Tanalor.

Once they're on Tanalor.

Free from the Empire.

He swallows, the thoughts euphoric despite how his current actions feel like poison.

He moves on to cutting the rest of the bindings, taking some time to rub Cal's limp wrists where the bindings had dug into his skin before stepping back and... and reaching into the duffle to pull out a simple pair of silver Force-suppressant cuffs.

He takes a deep breath, then maneuvers Cal's arms back behind his back and locks them in place with two twin clicks. Then, it's just a matter of replacing the makeshift with the official.

Soon enough, Cal's arms are not only behind his back, but also his elbows are roped to his sides to prevent Cal getting his hands in front of him. His ankles are shackled, however this time Bode ties his legs together at the shins and thighs to avoid rubbing on the bandages with more rope. Bode feels horrible adding so many restraints, but he out of anyone should know what is needed to properly restrain a persistent Jedi.

Then, once he's no longer restraining Cal's limbs, he moves on to unbutton the collar of Cal's jacket and inspect the lightsaber wound. Even in the dim light of the compartment it doesn't look pretty. The edges of skin around the wound are blistered and irritatedly-red, too red for Cal's skin-tone. He doesn't see any infection, but if left untreated the possibility of one forming is likely. He would curse Dagan Gera's name as he spreads bacta across Cal's chest and tapes on bandages, but as his eyes travel down to his knee, then to his temple, he decides that now isn't the time for hypocrisy.

Not when everything feels so much like regret.

After securing the bandages on his chest, Bode finishes up by adding more bacta to Cal's forehead. He didn't break skin with the blow, but it is bruising. He doesn't think there will be a concussion to worry about but the risk is always there no matter how careful you are.

While spreading the bacta along Cal's temple—the wound he gave him—his eyes can't help but trail down to the constellations of topaz decorating his face. The freckles, Bode's sure, cover every square inch of his body, but seeing them up close like this is like seeing the entire Galaxy from space for the first time.

He blinks, then clears his throat despite no one, not even Cal, being there to witness the moment of... whatever that was.

Get it together Bode, he thinks, finishing spreading the bacta and wiping his hands off on a cloth before stepping back from Cal's prone form.

He looks down to the duffle then sighs.

One last thing.

Sitting neatly at the top of the duffle are two last restraints, though only one will have to be used. He doesn't know Cal's tolerance for tranquilizers, and while a single dosage should keep him out for twelve standard hours, the trip back to Koboh, to Tanalor would take just about that time if not longer.

He can't have Cal waking up and trying to shout while he's flying, not when Kata should remain ignorant of his presence for the time being. He fights off a wave of nausea as he lifts the Imperial-grade muzzle sized perfectly for the facial structure of humans and other sapients of similar build, meant to gag and silence. It latches behind his head, locking in place over his nose, jaw, lips, chin; shaped similar to a work mask or a mask for the sick and contagious, but the material is metallic and seals perfectly to the skin.

The second, Bode swears to himself, the second Kata is safely out of earshot on Tanalor, he will remove the muzzle and hopefully never find the need for it again. This is his best friend and he's demeaned him down to a beast, a wild feral mutt. He almost considers taking the muzzle off—his stomach hurts and it looks so wrong on him—but he knows he doesn't have any better options.

The second piece of equipment... the collar is programmed to recognize measurable shifts in the Force then promptly punish its wearer in the form of electric bursts. However the function isn't reliable, and the electric burns are brutal; the collar is more useful for its second purpose. There's a small compartment where the right corner of the wearer's jaw would be, where one could insert whatever drug, or poison, into the collar and have the collar itself track and administer doses on its own.

The collar's shock function doesn't sense the Force well, not as well as the IBS would hope, but the ability to administer hands-free sedation or depressants keeps a Jedi wearer subdued enough to not be able to use the Force advantageously anyways.

Bode grabbed it as a worst-case-scenario.

As useful as it would be to have more tranquilizers automatically put into Cal's system as Bode's flying to Tanalor as the first dose wears off, he doesn't want to humiliate Cal with the indignity of a collar, even when he's unconscious. He'd rather Cal come-to earlier than planned, but be silenced by the gag and too restrained to make much sound that way.

Besides, tranquilizers aren't fun to wake up from, let alone after multiple doses. Bode's also not sure when the last time Cal ate or drank was, and a second dose would knock him out far longer than what Bode would like.

As much as it looks like it, he doesn't want Cal to be miserable. If Bode had confidence Cal wouldn't try to fight back, take away the Compass and probably try to kill Bode in the process, then he would have gladly not even have considered going this far in restraints.

Cal can be angry with Bode. He can hate Bode. He can kick, scream at, fight, insult Bode all he wants. Kriff, he really could try and kill Bode. Bode deserves it; but he has a daughter to protect. Kata is number one. Bode will make sure nothing can hurt himself so nothing can hurt her. So, for now, until he and Cal can come to some sort of understanding or truce on Tanalor, it's going to have to be this way.

He stuffs the previously removed makeshift bindings into the duffle—so anyone who happens to be checking the camera for this hanger doesn't wonder why he has a bunch of torn up cloth—then seals the duffle. He pushes it into the storage compartment next to Cal's unconscious, restrained, muzzled form, and then forces himself to close the compartment.

He stares at the latch for a moment, letting out a breath he has no idea how long he's been holding.

Next step. He needs to move on to the next step. It's nearly impossible to turn his heels from the ship, like he's stepped in a puddle of tar dragged into the Saloon or into the Mantis by none other than the person he now holds captive.

But he turns anyway. Kata will need his help finishing packing up, then, they can go before Danvik is any wiser. Besides, there's two trackers in his pocket he needs to plant before leaving.

-o-o-o-o-

"I can't find Mookie," Kata whines, searching around the sofas and her little play corner.

Bode laughs quietly to himself. Seeing her again in person, to hold her in his arms, it's made everything worth it. That shame, the regret, the fear of losing his best friend, it's nothing compared to seeing her smile, or the way her nose wrinkles when she's thinking hard like her mother had always done, or hearing the frustration in her voice as she searches in all the wrong places for her favorite stuffed animal that usually always ends up in the same place.

Bode kneels under the central control board and lo-and-behold, there it is. He grabs the little plush and straightens back up, his fingers rubbing the soft synthetic fibers that make the orange halo of hair around the creature's blue head. He chuckles, stepping towards Kata before kneeling to be at her eye-level. "You know," he says, "I have a friend who looks like this."

Her nose wrinkles as she takes the plush into her hands. "On your super secret missions?"

He nods, crossing his arms and resting them on his forward bent knee. "Maybe you'll meet him someday."

Her eyes brighten at that, and his chest fills with warmth. She looks down at the plush and pulls on its horns.

He stands and ruffles her hair. "C'mon kid, we've got places to be."

She grins at him, then rushes back to her bag to finish packing her meager belongings. While she does that, he reaches into his pockets and pulls out two locator devices. He hadn't forgotten about them when he took Cal, and honestly he's not sure if one is able to be tracked without the other. Yet it doesn't hurt to have a backup plan. If any of Cal's friends survive whatever is about to happen on Jedha, then they'll come looking for Cal... if they're not already looking for him. If they manage to track these locators, it'll lead them to where he can kill two birds with one stone.

Denvik and the rest of Cal's crew would tear each other apart.

And Bode, Kata, and Cal?

They'll be long gone.

He places them both on the center console, going as far as to hook one up into it and allow it into the IBS system. If anyone's looking for the signal, it being connected to a minor IBS base should make it all the easier to track.

"Come on, princess," he says as he finishes his minor task. She zips up her travel bag and gives him a soft smile, clutching Mookie to her chest. "We got to travel one last time, okay?"

She nods. "Okay."

#jedi fallen order #cal kestis #bode akuna #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #jin writes #fanfiction #sw jedi fallen order #sw jedi survivor

[yoiku]

Just feeling like unpacking and sorting out some thoughts on this wonderfully rainy morning (begone, roadside dust!!)

Now, I've always been the type to post new art the moment it's done. Posting stuff only on Patreon has still proven easier than I expected. Perhaps since i am still posting stuff -somewhere- it doesn't feel as weird, even though I do miss the interaction from posting on socials. But that'll be back once I have a buffer big enough to keep Patreon relevant. It's also getting easier on letting posting on social wait as time goes by, lol. Actually thought that what if I make the publish gap with the comic even bigger, like several months between Patreon/other sites. But aaaah, I really do want to get it out. It might create more of a gap with time anyway. And the best way to get new people interested in my Patreon is to have interesting stuff out there in the wild. And I'll be honest, it feels validating af to see even a few people willing to spend money to access my Patreon.

It's still conflicting sometimes, because I would really want to keep my stuff available to everyone without paywalls. Art in general is meant to be shared and should be accessible to everyone, this is something I feel on a larger scale. Things like commissioned, unique pieces are luxurious though. They are after all often personal as well. Artists don't live on grants and stipends, hell, even those are usually available for artists who have already made a name for themselves on a larger scale/are well connected. Majority I know struggle with part time jobs, unemployment, studying or are disabled, barely scraping by what they can get in terms of welfare etc. I'm no different. I'm on welfare due to health reasons + in debt, so basically I don't have any "extra" money at the end of each month left for nice things™. And if I do, it usually goes to paying a larger portion of debt away. Sometimes I spend and always regret it later, lol. But if you -never- get to treat yourself even a little, life starts to feel quite depressing. I know so many people are in the same kind of position, where it's just not possible to pay for more than 1-2 subscription services monthly, or none. So having my art behind a Patreon paywall of any kind feels bad, knowing I would likely not be able to afford it myself, lol. Will it ever be easy to combine the thought of art + money without having dreadful crapitalism thoughts creep in? Probably not.

I still want to do my best to pick up some commissions as well, I need to create some sort of hidden stash of money now that I have the cat. Because when (inevitably at some point) a trip to the vet happens, that's going to be at least a hundo no matter what. And when the last trip to the vet arrives, that's gonna be closer to 300-400 with all the cheapest options. (hopefully not anytime soon, but something i have to take into account) I am currently working on a painting comm and might have another one coming up as well, which is giving me much joy. Watercolours are a lot of work, but they're less taxing in the sense that there's only so much detail you can do compared to digital, and tradi allows the happy little accidents with the medium. So it's easier to feel like I did my best wihtout having the thought "ah... i should've kept fixing it"(without asking for more money bc I gotta do better ad infinitum) So I'm really happy peeps have shown interest in tradi comms, even though I'm not very well versed in techniques with those. Learning tho!

My head's been in a relatively good place for a good while now, all things considered. But I have to pull the brakes on myself every now and then because I know it only takes one hard hit in the old mental health for all of it going to shit in the blink of an eye. So I'm trying to tread carefully, prep and plan while keeping the bar set low enough.

Mom has moved to hospice care, which also means that getting the phonecall about her passing can also be any day now. I feel like I've made my peace with it, but even if it doesn't initially hit hard, I'm pretty sure it will bring some mental struggle later. And there will be the whole episode of handling her stuff afterwards. Thankfully there won't be any wealth to distribute, so likely all the mandatory/legal expenses will be handled by welfare. How dreadful that even in that, money is the first thing to have to worry about, huh.

At least the sun has returned from the winter jail, bright days lighten the mind.

#behind a cut just because i think it might get long #shut up yoi #mostly just art thoughts #some mom updates at the end

[corysmiles]

Could you believe I actually am back with some Runnaway Experiment WRITING??? :D

This takes place very early on in the story, and gives some more insight into Tommy's life before they escaped (in the comics). Enjoy :D

-------

The experiment was growing years after years, to everyone’s delight. It seemed the first laboratorial human had a decent enough lifespan so that it could be studied in the long run. And so, 14 years, it has been since T0M saw the light of day, and it acted in a similar fashion a 14 year old human would. .

Of course, the many researchers failed to take in consideration an alteration of the most cumbersome. T0M looked human, could understand the english language, followed orders and didn’t complain, asked some questions but the specimen…. was big.

Too big to fit in a human bed.

Too big to fit comfortably in a room.

It went in spurts, which was terrifying the first time. It kept on growing and growing, as scientists hoped it wouldn't take long for it to stop, otherwise, it might lead to a lot of problems. But for the past 2 years, no noticeable change really occurred, which was a relief when the thing was already 25 ft tall. It never seemed to be challenging personality wise, which was a relief, but they still needed to keep him in line.

Hopefully, the Doctor Soot, as well as Doctor Puff took part in daily check ups and made sure he didn’t rebel.

So, every 2 day, they took turns to visit T0M in the room accustomed to its needs.

And both’s reports were excellent! T0M learned more while being as obedient and compliant as ever. Phil couldn’t be more happy with those results.

However, as time went on…. Wilbur failed to mention another kind of teaching he had going on with the subject for the past months.

“And this is called ‘Sadness’.” He held an A3 size paper with a moody smiley drawn on it, the word being written below. “It’s that feeling when our sessions are over and I have to go and you say ‘oh noooo’ in that voice.”

T0M was sitting on his knees in front of him, paying the utmost attention to what Wilbur was showing and saying.

“I hate that one.” He pouted.

“I know,” Wilbur chuckled. “No one likes to feel sad. But it’s a part of life.”

A single hum. Wilbur’s smile turned more sympathetic.

“Do you remember the other ones?” He stood up from his place and put the sheet in one of the dark grey metallic drawers.

T0M nodded, excitedly. He took his hand and poked his fingers as he counted. “ there’s “Happiness”, it’s the good one. And “Disgust”, it’s when I have to eat the weird green stuff.”

“Brocoli”

“That. And then there’s excitement, it’s when I smile real big because you come early.”

Wilbur clapped “Wonderful!” T0M’s eyes were shining stars at every approval from Doctor Soot. Even though T0M’s enjoyment was very appreciated and contagious, but it could be a bit… much, to handle at times.

“Since you understand the basics, I think it’s time for us to start a whole new lesson.” He clapped.

T0M gasped and cheered from the top of his lungs “YEAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!”, throwing his arms in the air and effectively making the room shake from the sheer volume of his voice. When he looked back at the scientist, his eyebrows were pinched and the brunette was covering his ears and curled up, almost in pain.

“...Doctor?” He brought his head close to the man who, after making eye contact, scrambled back until he hit the same drawer he put the papers in earlier. T0M looked at him confused, face still too big in Wilbur’s peripheral.

“I… Tom, I appreciate your enthusiasm when we do our lessons, but if you could prevent yourself from screaming, it would be nice.” He tried in the most gentle voice he could muster without it shaking.

“What’s screaming?” T0M asked, crouched so his face was almost on the ground at eye level with him. He brought a hand closer to the doctor who was still breathing heavily. When his head shot to look at the hand, his body on alert, he froze before saying.

“... Is it a moment when I can’t touch you?”

Wilbur’s eyes were locked on the now frozen hand for a good second before returning to T0M, nodding. “Uh, yeah.”

“... Okay.”

The hand retracted in the following seconds, and soon, he was back in his initial position.

The doctor thanked before regaining his composure. He looked back at T0M, and his expression held remorse. A guilt twisted Wilbur's guts at the view. Thing is, as T0M grew up, people quickly realised he was the equivalent of clingy. He would constantly grab people into hugs and had a hard time keeping his voice down which resulted in a large noise blocker investment. And so they had a rule. T0M couldn’t make any sort of physical contact with anyone without being given explicit permission first. Obviously, most workers considered T0M as a test subject and therefore, wouldn’t give him that pleasure.

Wilbur, though, was not in the same vein. Once he realised how empathic and emotional and human T0M was, he started teaching him things a human teen should need, and started giving him a sort of affection a human teen should have. Which included some sort of physical affection.

When T0M was sad, he would sit next to him or pat his back. It quickly evolved as Wilbur accepted being held by the boy and brought to eye level as long as he was careful when doing so, and ever later, they would hug and wilbur would try to brush his hair at times.

Still, that didn’t make him immune to any of T0M’s carelessness which’s consequences were amplified ten fold due to his scale.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked pitifully.

“I- no, it’s not your fault. It can just be a bit overwhelming is all.” Wilbur explained.

“... what does that mean?”

“It means… when something is ‘too much’. Like when you want to bring Techno very close, but he keeps reminding you about the rule.”

“Oh.” T0M let his head fall. “... I don’t like that.” Wilbur scratched his head. “I want to be so close and show that I’m very happy and it’s all inside and I can’t let it out.”

“Well, here, it’s a bit more of the opposite. When outside, there is a lot and you’re incapable of letting it in.”

“... I’m sorry Wilbur” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, I’m not angry.” reassured the brunette. “I just have sensitive ears.”

“...Everyone has sensitive ears.”

“Well, when you’re a small guy like me, you’re sensitive on pretty much all fronts.”

“... It’s not fair.”

“What’s that?” Wilbur perked.

“When I stop getting big and strong, I want to hug you with all of my will. Like you do with me. It feels nice. I want you to feel nice just like that. I want you to be overwhelmed with happiness. I want to hug you so, so bad but I can't and it's shit. I don't want to be strong, I hurt you if I’m strong. I want to hug you."

Tommy vented, more to himself, and when he looked at Wilbur, his eyes shined, not with joy.

"Oh Tommy…."

It ached. It ached Wilbur to his core that something as simple as a hug was something he craved and still couldn't get. Because he knew. He knew all of the things T0M was missing out on. All the life he could have lived if he was granted freedom. How much he could live and appreciate. It kept him awake at night.

But he was here. Trapped. In a room barely tall enough to contain him, treated like a circus monster. And the worst thing was, T0M wasn't aware of it. Of all the life he wasn't living. How his life was no life and how he thinks this absence of everything is what life should be.

Plato would probably laugh in his grave.

"I promise you. One day, you will be able to do that. I promise you that I'll find a way for you to hug me just like you are a small man too. I promise you that I'll make you discover all of those joys of life, Tom. I Promise you. I will help you. And I'm sorry for not being able to provide it sooner. And I'll apologize for all the years it took for me to get it."

They stared at each other, and Tommy nodded, throat tight and eyes wet.

"And a promise makes sure that it's gonna happen." T0M croaked.

"Exactly, tom." Wilbur smiled. "You are going to live many more things."

The bell rang, and both faces fell a bit.

"I'll see you in 4 days, Tom. We're gonna have a little recap over the emotions you learned and then I'll teach you about relationships."

"Oohh, that sounds nice! What is it?"

As Wilbur packed his little bag, he looked at T0M and simply replied "it's all around you. But I'm not gonna spoil the next session. On that note, I wish you a nice week, Tom."

"Have a nice week, Wilbur! " T0M waved with a smile. "It's nice talking to you."

"It is my absolute pleasure, Tom."

And thus, they parted. As Wilbur walked down the immense corridor (just tall enough Tom could run through them.) He wore a satisfied smile. His small steps resonated, the only sound in the room, yet peaceful enough for his ears to listen to them as carefully as silence. Halfway through, the sound was doubled.

"Helloooo."

"Oh, hey techno! How are you?"

"Doing fine. You seem very happy."

"I am. I made some good progress with T-he subject. I feel like he's learning well. The next tests should have fabulous results."

"Ahh, wonderful. Let's make sure it doesn't learn too much though." He joked.

And at that, Wilbur chuckled, his hand on the man's shoulder. "Oh don't you worry about that, my friend. I can assure you that'll never happen"

"Amazing" techno replied, deadpan. Both nodded their conversation away and walked the rest of their ways.

As he got further away, the doctor's smile turned to an amused grin. His steps resonated, so much smaller than what could be, in a corridor in which the boy just next door should walk through.

"Don't you worry about a single thing."

MEL YES I ADORE THIS AU SO MUCH ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!

Poor Tommy but at least Wilbur is helping him :”]

#runaway experiment au #melissas writing #mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #g!tommy #t!wilbur #YES YES TES #XJWJXJWNNX #SCREAMS AND YELLS AND CRIES #BUT IN A GOOD WAY #:D #I LOVEBTHSI AU

[not-poignant]

Through a set of circumstances very different from Ef's, I developed a pretty serious trauma centered around therapy and mental health professionals in general. I know I need therapy but it's incredibly hard on me mentally and physically leading up to appointments. Do you have any advice on how to manage trauma surrounding therapy, or at least to make it so you can still pursue it?

Hi hi anon,

So I have a few suggestions, as someone who has been abused by two therapists (not like Henton though, he's in a league of his own) and so has had to overcome some issues with therapy and actually still has some issues with therapy due to 'therapy trauma'.

1. Consider seeing a different kind of therapist to the one who traumatised you. For example, if you've only seen psychologists or psychiatrists, see a psychotherapist, a social worker, or a mental health occupational therapist. Consider completely switching up the job itself as a way of easing back into it. All of these professions have different ways of approaching people's issues, and you might actually find a complete switch up also helps your brain. I switched from psychologists to psychotherapists and mental health / trauma-informed social workers, and haven't looked back. For you, it might need to different, but it's worth a try.

2. Consider letting new therapists know that you have trauma specifically from therapy in the past as a heads up, and ask if they've worked with anyone like that before. You can do this in an email! But it might help you find the person who will be a good fit.

3. Write down a list of potential red flags for yourself re: new therapists based on past experiences. Also write down what red flags you are willing to talk through vs. immediate 'termination' red flags: i.e. 'red flag: therapist keeps ignoring me. solution: I am going to bring this up and if they still ignore me, I will leave, but if they get better, I will stay' vs. 'red flag: they touch me or violate me during therapy. *Immediate dismissal.*'

It's good to highlight for yourself which issues you're willing to work through, because therapists do make mistakes, or sometimes suggest unhelpful things, and that can be triggery if you have past mental health trauma. So if you have a sheet that says 'okay I'm meant to bring this up and see if I can get a resolution instead of just hiding the truth from my therapist' that can help a lot. It can also help you realise when you're triggered and what is triggering you.

4. Tell whoever you see that it's hard on you physically and mentally - just the act of going to therapy, and having appointments, and being so afraid. Let them know in advance. This isn't something you should hide from a new therapist, especially once you have a list or a barometer of what you can do to keep yourself safe in the future. It's okay to not have this stuff figured out, and ideally, a new therapist will be patient and gentle with you, and work with you at your pace. If you don't want to open up for a while, you don't have to.

5. Take breaks. Once you start seeing a therapist, you don't have to commit to once a week, or once a fortnight (fire any therapist who insists on weekly sessions outside of crisis management or inpatient care). You can see them regularly, and then you can take 6 months off! Or one month! Or two months! Or 6 weeks! If it all gets overwhelming, you can say 'right, I need time to process all of this, but hopefully I'll see you again soon.'

Your inner compass may need longer between therapy sessions, or may need breaks between clusters of sessions. This is okay and normal. It's perfectly natural for you to not have your anxiety or fears completely managed before you see a new therapist, and it's perfect natural for you to expect therapists to actively help you with your fears and trauma in this area, and be okay with you taking breaks.

6. Look for someone who is trauma-informed, or at least knows what that means. (That's not mandatory, but in this day and age, it helps).

7. Consider alternative therapeutic bodywork in the meantime, if the idea of seeing a therapist is just too hard. Things like yoga, massage, pilates, meditation classes, physiotherapy/physical therapy. Anything that gets you to get in touch with your body in a caring, supported way, that sort of reconditions you to the idea of working with yourself around someone else. It helps that these things can be helpful anyway. You can even try online yoga, or free meditations through apps like Insight Timer or (my personal fave) Smiling Mind.

8. Telehealth sessions online may make you feel safer, but that's very much a ymmv thing depending on how safe you are at home.

9. Knowing you need therapy is great, honestly. It can help to write down what you want to get from therapy, what you need from therapy, and if some of those needs can be met in other ways in the meantime. Maybe some can, maybe some can't!

10. Finally, as much as possible, remember that you are employing them. You have the right to terminate therapy at any point with no explanations or apologies. You have the right to tell your therapist 'I don't like that' or 'I don't like it when you talk to me this way' or 'this thing you're saying isn't helpful to me' or 'I feel like you're minimising my issues' or 'I don't feel validated' or 'I don't feel safe.'

That communication doesn't have a useby date, so you can also wait and send an email after a session, or a few sessions later go 'actually I've noticed you tend to talk to me about this issue in this specific way, and it's not helpful to me. Could you explain why you do this, and would you be open to trying another way of doing it?' or even: 'This thing you did made me feel unsafe, I don't want to experience that again' (keeping in mind that you won't always feel safe in therapy, I mean, when a therapist keeps being late to sessions, or expresses a view point that's actively damaging).

If you meet a therapist who cannot roll with that kind of collaborative communication, terminate their services. Therapists are only people, and some of those people are crappy at their jobs.

But at the end of the day, you're hiring them. Yes, they have some authority over the area of mental health, but they don't know you as well as you do, and they never will.

*

I hope one or some of these things help anon! Be patient with yourself, it's really really hard when you have trauma from therapy, I still have issues with it even though I've been seeing therapists for years and some of it is still coming up even today. That's normal, even though it's hard, and you're definitely not alone in having this experience, and quite a few therapists are experienced in also being gentle with clients who have been traumatised during the therapeutic process. It doesn't matter what caused the trauma, it's most important that you are acknowledging it (which you are), trying to be safe (which are you are), and trying to make sure it doesn't happen again (which you are!)

You're doing your very best, it's only fair that you expect the same from someone you hire to help you <333

#asks and answers #pia on mental health #pia on mental illness #therapy stuff #ymmv with what helps you anon #you have to do what is best for you #also people can heal without therapy #it might take longer or it might take faster #i know i need it #but it's definitely worth exploring lateral options <3333

[manonamora-if]

And what a year it has been. I have decided to not be original and follow the steps of other IF authors and have a little final updates on this year.

I don't really talk much about personal things on this Tumblr (maybe I should, maybe I should leave it like this), but it has been a strange year. I moved across the world early 2021, had to deal with a terrible administration to have my papers in orders (it took for some 8 months you guys...), lost some people and almost lost some more, was hella bored waiting for things to come through (completely out of my control), met some new people, had a small culture clash along the way... and, most importantly, survived another year (even with the C-panini looming over our heads - get vaccinated and boosted).

One highlight of this year was coming to this hell of a website and interacting with cool people, exchanging ideas and information, and working in even cooler projects. I think what saved my sanity was starting creating IF stuff. Sure I had to take a (long) break or two along the way, but helped so much with keeping a semblance of a routine (with M's help too).

Since April-ish, I have worked on a bunch of stuff (see the Master list). There is probably too much I want to say about these projects, so I'll limit myself to a few words each. Meeting the Parents was a RIDE, that taught me a coding language or two and some cool praises. Crimson Rose and White Lily has been and still is EXCITING, and reminded me to keep things simple and organized. Exquisite Cadaver was QUICK but not easy, and took me in a deeper dive into coding and macro use. TTTT was PAUSED as soon as it started, but it will come back hopefully sometime next year. And other ideas and projects that are still in the infant stage.

As I dived back into writing, something that I had forsaken for too many years, I learned a lot about myself and what I liked doing. I worked hard... and also barely. I wrote much more than I thought I would, and also barely finished NaNoWriMo. I failed many, many, times and also succeeded (unless you are called Tweego, I will master you next year!). I have given up and started again. I have been excited and annoyed, infuriated and ecstatic, and felt so much that I thought I would not feel as deeply again (fuck you, depression). And I have worked a lot on myself. I don't think I can completely stop comparing myself to other people, in how much or well I write or the numbers I get; or stop myself from feeling undeserving and out of place in this space. But sharing some stuff that is not always shared here and be vulnerable here has helped me tremendously. I can still be afraid to fail, but it is getting easier to get over with it.

This year has been great. This year has been terrible. It is ending just fine, around people I love and care, with some lovely food and drinks. I hope you are able enjoy the passage into the new year as happily as I definitively will.

Boy-o-boy am I excited for this new year!

I can't wait to get deeper into the IF Ocean and its wonderful games. I don't think I have been trying out as many games as I wanted, but I have already set myself some time to look up fun demos to try out and be excited about. I have a saved list already on itch. I also want to be more part of the community in terms of supporting other authors (as much as I can, cause we are all #broke here). Expect some bunch of reblogs maybe?

There are a few projects that I have on the horizon:

First, CRWL Chapter 2 should be out some time in 2022 Q1 (depends on how fast the re-drafting/proofreading goes).

I do want to finish and submit TTTT to the next IF Comp, the code is there and works, I just need to do the hard part of actually writing characters and backstory.

M has been hard at work with his Lovecraftian-inspired IF, which I will code (yay for less work!); I will take whatever is done and probably submit it to a Halloween-themed jam on itch later this year. I have read his file and I have to say... THIS IS SO COOL. Unfortunately, he is going to have busy days ahead so progress will be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some other stuff I am looking forward to:

I think one of my games will be hitting a milestone soon.

Next month will be the 6-month anniversary of CRWL, and like MtP I am planning on doing a small retrospection on how well it is doing and some stuff I've learnt working on this project.

Some other IFs I am following are getting an update or are releasing their demos.

Finally making Tweego my b*tch (hopefully... it's really not easy 😭)

My birthday will be coming up sooner than I'd like it too. But I've stopped being afraid of seeing my age grow and not feeling like I am keeping up with my peers. I am really looking forward to my favourite meal 😂

Finally, I've been toying with the idea of getting some sort of Kofi or add a Donate button to my itch page. And a Discord for beta testers. I'd need to mull it over a bit longer.

Anyway... see you all in the new year! Luv ya!

#personal stuff #milestone #retrospective #2021 #2022 #new year

[funkymbtifiction]

This pandemic has brought out the worst in me. My sleeping schedule is a mess (I go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 2pm), I'm barely able to get out of the bed, I can barely do the dishes and take out the trash, I spend too much time on YouTube and inside my head, thinking about all the stuff I wanted to work on but being unable to do it.

My memory has also gotten worse - if it's not something I'm not obsessed with then I'll not remember the details. I was trying to snap myself out of this hazy floating by trying to focus my mind at least on reading, which is something I absolutely love, but now I'm unable to focus even on a plot I find interesting and intriguing, my mind immediately starts to wander, or I need to do at least 2 things at once (reading and checking Reddit, or reading and listening to some ambient music). I've also started to not finish stories where I once used to read a book a day.

I know the theory of what I should be doing, but that's it. I'm unable to JUST DO it. I think my Te is trying to motivate me by trying to wake up my conscience, but it's not enough. I hate this because I know I can do things and concentrate and be responsible and productive, but because I'm fine and all my basic needs are met I don't have the need to pull myself together. I used to fuel my 7 by travelling and observing people, but now that we need to stay home, and I have covid (so my friends bring me groceries), my 9w1 core sloth is all too happy to be left alone, with my devices.

I know that this pandemic brought pandemic fatigue with it, plus it's spring and I'm always tired in spring (plus my years-long medical issues with thick blood and low blood pressure), but it's driving me crazy that I could've gotten better at my hobbies and could've reached some of my goals by now only if I DID things. Things that used to work don't help anymore. And then I don't even stay mad long because some new video distracts me.

Is there something from a mbti perspective that can help to start doing things and concentrating on them? (For context I'm an ENFP 9w1 7w6 2w3)

Also thank you so much for this blog, thank you for helping lost souls find their way and be better people, both inside their head and outside when interacting with the outer world ❤️ I haven't been studying mbti for that long but so far I've seen so much valuable information on your blog, and for free!

Are you mad enough at yourself yet to change your behavior?

That's really the bottom line here, because you KNOW that YOU have to start being responsible and doing things and not just wasting your time... but YOU are the only person who will force yourself to do things.

A couple of thoughts. First, I recognize this phenomenon / brain fog. It happened to me several times last year during the pandemic (where I am, things are opening up, so hopefully they will soon for you as well) and I hated it. My mind was unclear, I had lots of things I needed to do but could not focus on any of them. It was, to be honest, a Si grip, which yanks you out of Ne-dom (possibilities, excitement about doing projects, seeing things made real) and turns your intuition into a "fog." There's no access to Fi (do I care about this? if I care, am I a principled person enough to do it?) and no Te (how am I going to prioritize my tasks?), just Si (I'm comfy doing nothing and feeling depressed) and flits of Ne, which only show up as being bored, easily distracted, etc. So some of this is a Si grip, and some of it is general depression (being unfocused, sleeping in late, not taking care of yourself, no motivation even for things you love, unable to finish things). You need to approach it by dealing with both -- getting back into your stronger functions (Ne: envisioning possibilities and finding a purpose, Fi: drawing upon your character and who you want to be and what you care about, to take action, Te: making a plan, forcing yourself to do what needs done, and keeping track of your progress to self-motivate) -- and by recognizing and admitting that you are depressed, and asking what you can do about it.

Second, you have built up some BAD habits during the pandemic. I get it. I fell into some of this as well last autumn, when I ceased being my usual productive self and started leaving work (from home) at 3pm every day. I developed a bad habit of just watching television, which numbed my brain and ultimately bored me. It's only now that I have hope and can go to the store without a mask on that I am feeling happier (my little 7 wing rejoices and has PLANS) and can work through into the late afternoon. I'm re-establishing a schedule that is productive throughout the day instead of allowing myself to "meander" in life. So what you need to do is look at your habits. Make a list of them. Look at what you told me: basically, it is I have become undisciplined, my sleep schedule is bad, and then I wake up late and feel lazy so I don't do anything. What is ONE THING that would jolt you into a different routine? Go to bed on time. Set a time every night, shut off all your devices an hour ahead of it, read a book until you get sleepy, and go to sleep. Wake up at a decent hour. If you wake up at 7am instead of 2pm, your body won't fall into its usual "welp, afternoon is half over, guess I'll watch YouTube" habit. It will go -- wait, what new habit are we forming? Breakfast? Then work?? Okay!

Lastly, and this is HUGELY important for an ENFP -- decide the night before what you are going to accomplish or work on tomorrow. Why? It prepares your brain to know what is expected from it. Unless I do this each night, and have a notion of how I am going to spend my time, my Ne goes ?!?! and I get very little done or waste three hours trying to decide what to do. But if I say, "Okay, tomorrow I am finishing chapter four," I usually finish chapter four (and then some). Today, I have to work at my paying job. I knew this last night, so I am mentally clear and prepared to focus only on the task at hand. I don't treat today as "mine." It belongs to my employer. I know what I am going to do, I intend to do it, and when I get home, I know what else I can work on. Learn to create this habit each night before bed. Decide what tomorrow is going to be like and commit to it.

As for tasks you don't want to do that still need done -- just do them. You can spend 2 weeks avoiding them, or spend an hour and get it over with so you don't feel like crap about yourself because you have kept avoiding it for weeks. Decide, "Tomorrow, I am doing that thing first thing in the morning," and then do it.

You will find that when you start setting yourself tasks (Te) that your Ne starts working properly again -- it will become more focused, less hazy, and more interested in what you can contribute, rather than just mindless "consuming." It's fine to have a down day now and again (even so, it's also useful to have a vague idea the night before of what this day will contain, even if it's fun -- it's fun and exciting to anticipate things) but your life NEEDS structure, or you won't do anything.

I hope you can pull yourself out of this, because you won't be happy unless you do. ENFPs need to get things done, contribute, feel like they are moving forward, and have something to show for their time. Without it, they will get angry at themselves -- as you well know.

#question #mbti #enfp #depression #self growth #spiritual development

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

#Trans #Lgbtq #blog #daily blog #Dollar Tree #Dollar CD #Dollar Tree Cd #receiver #pioneer #fisher #audio #music #CD #cassette #iBroadcast #nerd gurl #nerdy girl #ramble #rant #please read this to figure out what my life is like even though it quite honestly doesn't matter at all but might still be kinda interesting #Spotify

[spookybreadstick]

I'm sorry, Breadstick. I will be praying for your grandmother, for sure the doctors will be taking good care of her. Family fights are inevitable but everything will get better, at that moment they are the closest people physically to you so enjoy, stay close and take care of each other. Family is one that is united even in the most difficult moments.

about your important decisions, I know you made the best possible choice, sometimes there are decisions that destroy the heart but fix our lives, so always try to look on the positive side of things

I'm going to take my afternoon off to study some school subjects that need my attention too. I went through the height of humiliation last week, I cried while studying because I couldn't understand the subject that the teacher taught in class. When I finished I just put my things away and went to take a nap

I had a lot to do at the restaurant that I work at last weekend. I take the orders for delivery (I don't think I've ever taken so many orders). And when the shift ended I went to help organize the invetory

my face was bruised after the shift, I have to wear two masks together (a simpler hospital one under and a thick fabric one over it) and a face shield

my classmates made fun of me at school this morning because i have a huge red mark on my forehead and my hair is still not big enough to cover it (at least the mask covers the bruise on my nose)

I have plans for tomorrow, I'll take my little sister to see the sunset in a clearing nearby, I'll take the opportunity and draw a little bit

I think I talk too much, sorry.

I'm sending you kisses and hugs! 💖💕💓💜🧡💚💖❤️💜💛🖤❤️

good luck with your schoolwork! I'm sure you'll be able to catch up. Don't demand too much of yourself

ily 💖💕💞💝💖💞

-dancing parrot 🐦🎶

Aw, thank you so much dancing parrot!! This means a lot to me <3

1)  It is extremely kind of you to pray for my grandmother, so thank you. I will give an update under the cut on her health, so anyone who doesn’t want to hear about it can skip that. 

2) Yes, my family and I have all made up by now! It’s just hard when you’re living in the same tiny house and there’s nowhere to go. 

3) The more I think about it, the more sure I get that I did make the right choice. Whatever happens next is out of my control, but I did my best to make the best decision possible and I know that I’ve done what I can on my end. 

4) Oh God, raise your hand if you’ve ever cried in school✋✋✋✋✋

I cried once in fourth grade because I didn’t understand and once in seventh grade. I also cried once in third grade, like full on sobbed, because my mom was sick and the doctors didn’t know why (it was like a really bad flu, except it wasn’t the flu and it lasted a while, and to this day the doctors aren’t sure what the hell that was but it certainly scared little-me). I’ve also very nearly cried in class, like I had to leave the room, for math-related issues a couple of times in the past. And I’ve cried not in class, but in the school building, for anxiety reasons, many times. I try my best not to do in front of people, but sometimes people know that I’m tearing up and need to leave because I’m about to have a panic attack. Shit happens. I know it’s really embarrassing, but crying is a natural human reaction and you know, like I said, shit happens. Crying it out isn’t the worst thing in the world when you think about it. And sometimes you just gotta stop and take a nap after. Rest and refresh. 

5) I have a friend who used to work at a pizza place as the person who handled the delivery and to-go stuff, and she quit after a week, so props to you! She told me that she’s never been so stressed and also her manager really sucked and didn’t teach her how to do the job properly so she had to figure things out mostly on her own. The final straw for her was when the manager wanted her to train the new hire after she hadn’t even been here for a week yet. She was way too stressed so that just sent her over the edge and she quit. I feel for those who work in the fast-food or restaurant industries. I could never do that. When I had my pre-pandemic job at the grocery store, I got stressed out when it got busy, but grocery store busy is nothing compared to fast-food or restaurant busy. 

6) If people were honestly making fun of you, then fuck them honestly. You’re working hard and they probably don’t even know the definition of hard work. A bruised face from the masks just means you were being responsible and caring for the safety of others while you did your job. Nothing wrong with that at all. 

7) I hope you and your little sister had fun!! Sounds like a great little trip for the two of you!! 

8) Sending you kisses and hugs back!! And don’t worry, you don’t talk too much :) 

- breadstick 🥖

~~~~ Update On My Grandmother’s Health Under the Cut ~~~~

 Unfortunately, the doctors gave a diagnosis: Stage 3 Lung Cancer.

 It doesn’t come as a huge shock, she’s been a HEAVY smoker for decades, but it’s still somehow surprising too :( Like even though we all kind of knew at the back of our minds, it’s still unexpected in a way. She will be undergoing treatment, and that will give us hopefully a few more years. But it could potentially be a few months, depending on how her body reacts to it, which is a scary thought. The doctors are learning towards a positive outlook with a couple more years though, so that’s good. It’s just sad to know that like, this is what will kill her. There is no cure, and the doctors are certain that one day the cancer will kill her, whether it’s in a few months or a few years. It’s weird, because the last time I saw her she was fine. She’s been so careful about pandemic, and really never leaves the house, so we got to see her every couple of weeks since we’re both not going anywhere and being safe. And our last little visit, she was totally fine. It feels sudden and not real, but I know the reality will set in soon. I think it’s like that for my dad, too. We’ve never been super close to my grandmother, not like some people have deep bonds with their grandparents, but we’ve been close enough and she’s our family, you know? So it’s just sad. Trying to be hopeful about it, but there’s also just the facts that we need to face, too 💔

#dancing parrot #🐦🎶 #🐦 #🐦 dancing parrot anon #dancing parrot 🦜 #dancing parrot anon #dancing parrot <3 #<3 #🥖 #breadstick speaks #breadstick 🥖 #spookybreadstick

[fijiangecko]

When the Sun Rises in the West

Prologue

A/N: AHHH IT'S HERE!! I'm so excited to finally share this! I'm planning on posting chapters every couple days so I make you all wait for it 😉 this whole series was entirely based off of this playlist, and every chapter will have a theme. This one isn't super edited but I actually love this series. Heavily based off of GoT (locations and dergons) but no spoilers. This story doesn't use the same plot or same characters.

C/N = City Name

Word Count: 1,700+

The barren wasteland of Essos was home to many people for the past several centuries. From dry deserts to scattered mountain ranges, the people couldn't have been happier to be alive and not in Westeros, dealing with the war of the iron throne. Blood shed, tears, agony and resentment are what wars left behind, not the virtues of peace and prosperity they promised. You, for one, would never want to experience anything like it. As heiress to a city newfound within the last century, your heart is only filled with love for your people. Never in your life would you wish to put a sword in a child's hand and tell them to fight for your honor, and not their own.

There's a reason your people haven't had to fight yet. Both the natural defenses that C/N holds and the ferociousness of native animals. C/N lies in a valley between several mountains. It is deep enough to have its own water supply, and no sane ruler would have his army climb over such steep mountain tops. Plus, they've only heard rumors about you, but no one would dare see if they were true.

The people of C/N love your family and care for you deeply, wishing you good health and even better prosperity. Children walk with you through the streets as you treat them to exotic fruits and pleasantries. The adults are thankful to all gods that they have found this Oasis, this sanctuary of peace and happiness. After trekking across the Red Waste and the Dothraki Sea they found a home for both themselves and their families. They smile as you walk by, greeting you and presenting you with their wares. Oftentimes, they will want you to take it for free - a gift, but you refuse every time. You live with the head family, there's no need for you to get freebies. Everyone lives in simple splendor with their everyday lives; content at the opportunity to have an easy life until they die.

"Y/N!" You snap out of a memory where you're dancing around a great pyre to an ancient song with the town elders. It was the celebration of your fifteenth birthday, an important day in a young person's life as they graduate from childhood to adulthood. "You know you have to leave soon, right?" Your mother walks around the grand table to you, and tests her hand on top of yours. She smiles sweetly as she waits for a response.

"I know, I just don't want too." Your eyes travel downwards at the new memory. Your birthday was in two months, and the 22nd birthday through your family lineage meant marriage. Although you wouldn't be taking over C/N anytime soon due to Fathers good health, there's still a need to have good trade relationships with other cities across the nation. You know that they wouldn't force you into a relationship, as their parents didn't, but let something grow naturally with one of the children of other head families. Out of so many there was bound to be one that caught your favor… or so they hoped. 

"It'll be okay pumpkin, we didn't want to send you away for so many months, but Masaru's son is the only person in the world that is like you. There has to be a bond there we don't know about." In the past few months, head families have traveled to meet you and hope that they can tie the knot with you. They were all turned away, due to a couple big factors. 1) they were too young, 2) they had a stick up their ass, 3) they didn't give a shit about what happened to the citizens of their towns and would profit off of their tragedy and 4) there were allegations of slave trade among them. True or not, you would not stand to put a price on human life. If there were allegations, then that means someone connected to them was either in or around the trades themselves. It was sickening to think about. As far as you know, the Bakugou bloodline doesn't have any affiliations with slave traders, their son is your age, if not a little older and cared about his people in an odd way. 

"Why am I going for so long? I'm going to miss my 22nd celebration…"

"Well, the Bakugou's haven't been sending us a lot of materials lately, so you're not only there for personal interest but diplomatically. We need these materials for more homes. Those children you live are becoming adults, but we don't have the means to help them." She squeezes your hand. "You can help them. Missing your celebration will suck, I know, but we'll have it as soon as you get back. Plus we'll need to talk about who's going to marry who."

Anxiety bubbles in your chest, but you pop it with a calming smile. "I know. I don't like any of the other candidates, but if the rumors about the younger Bakugou are true than I shouldn't have to worry. If we are the only two in the world that are this way, isn't that a sign from gods old and new?"

"That's the spirit Y/N. We'll finish packing your stuff. Go finish saying your goodbyes." Your mother smiles sweetly and give you a tight hug before letting you go. The rest of the night you reminisce with old friends. You all talk about old shenanigans and pranks you used it pull on older people, but now you're the older people having pranks pulled on them. It is a great night of food and friends with a light dusting of sadness topped off with tears. You were gonna miss everyone, but you must do what they need you to do. They weren't crying because they were acted for you, more like they didn't want you to leave. 

At first you misinterpreted their tears, "Guys, I'm gonna be okay! I'll have Rhaegal and Viserion with me."

"No Y/N, we don't want you to go!" Mina cries from across the tavern table. The tears were appreciated, and broke your heart.

"I'll be back before you know it. Maybe I'll even have some eye candy at my side." Everyone laughs and you take the rest of the night to enjoy their company. You wouldn't have been able to sleep anyways, so this was a pleasant alternative.

The morning sun is bright when your eyes crack open. They hurt for a couple seconds, but it passes as your body adjusts to new circumstances. The sun itself is only cresting over the mountain tops, creating a golden glow around everything the light touches. That's when it hits you - this is last sunrise you'll be seeing for who knows how long. If all goes well diplomatically, then you'll be able to return home within a month, but if conflicts arise… you try not to put much thought into it and just watch the hues of peach and orange dance across the sky.

Softly, someone places a hand on your shoulder breaking your stream of thoughtlessness. "It's time to go." Your mother spoke quietly, as though cooing a newborn. Her velvet voice helps calm you even further. It'll only be for a little while. I don't even have to focus on Masaru's son if I don't want too. "C'mon, let's go grab Rhaegal and Viserion."

Walking towards the edge of town, a cart with all of your things lies ahead on the path, waiting to be pulled by 2 horses and their carriage master, Kota. He smiles at you, and you back to him. You can't help but wonder how such a sweet stable boy would want in Mereen, but maybe he just wanted to take Clyde and Grumm out for a walk after being cooped up for so long. You and your mother walk around the base of one of the surrounding mountains to a cave entrance. It's too dark to see inside, but you know the two are there; waiting to be set free since the last incident.

"Ñuhyz zaldrīzesse." Screeching bounced off of the cavern walls, the cacophony animalistic gurgles and grunts echo both out and further into the tunnels. An orange flame lights up the room suddenly, and the scale from the beasts glisten in the fire light. Large cuffs are wrapped around their necks that have chains bolted into the mountain walls. "Ñuha riñar, Rhaegal se Viserion. Iksan vaoreznuni." You walk over to the chains and unlatch them. Their large bodies tower over your own, but you can feel that they mean no harm. Rhaegal nuzzles his chin on the top of your head, as if saying "I know". His green scales shine Viserion bellows out another flame. Altogether, you exit the cave.

"They don't seem agitated." Your mother stands back quite a ways; she knows that they would never harm her but they are very large creatures.

"No, they learned their lesson." You run a hand over Viserion's cream colored scales, looking into his golden eyes. "Daēz." Upon the last sound leaving your lips, the spread their massive wings and take off, spurring dust clouds at their feet.

"Hopefully the Bakugou boy is as caring as you are." She laughs as you both walk to the wagon. Kota stares at the beasts in the sky, marvelling at them as they sore and howl.

"If he's the only other person in this world who has one, then he better be taking care of it as if it were his child."

"There is a reason they call you Muña Zaldrīzoti, my dear." You both laugh for a second and you look up at her.

"I'm going to miss you." You take her hands in your own, and squeeze them. She reciprocates it by releasing your hands and going for a hug.

"You'll do great. I know it and so does your father." She squeezes her arms before releasing. "Now go off and do amazing things." Tears prick the corners of you eyes, but you hold them back as best you can. With one last glance at your smiling mother, you hop on the carriage next to Koda and start on your journey to Mereen.

~

Ñuhyz zaldrīzesse - My dragons

Ñuha riñar - My children

Iksan vaoreznuni - I'm sorry

Daēz - Be Free

Muña Zaldrīzoti - Mother of Dragons

#writing #storiesforall #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha fanfic #got #game of thrones #crossover kinda #katsuki bakugo #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki #dragons #game of thrones soundtrack #house targaryen #fanfic #fan fiction #fanfiction #fandom

[robinrunsfiction]

okay one more thing and i'll shut up: what about a human!gerard x vampire!reader?? i've literally never seen one anywhere. "What's your tragic backstory?" "My what now?" "Y'know, you're a fuckin vampire, isn't your past supposed to be dark and tragic?" "Listen, dude, I've literally only been a vampire for a total of three months and that's because I fucking ASKED to be one." "You're the strangest person I've ever met." "Indeed I am. But you're the one who asked me out."

My Monster

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Vampire ReaderRating: GeneralRequested by: @pest-ill-enceWord Count: ~2,700Author’s Note: So I started writing this in July (Does that seem right?Because that seems like… really long ago… But I started writing it on tumblr,and had it saved as a draft file and when I go to it, it says July 12th which is bananas, but ok!), but I left off writing it. Then I got the above request and I still had this and I’m actually finishing it off! It’s set circa Bullets era, hence the Umbrella Academylevels of technology haha

Gerard scanned the crowd of the small venue as he sang. Thecrowd was rowdy, fired up, but in the back of the room he spotted you at thebar, drink in hand, watching with a smile.

Feeling the singers gaze on you, you locked eyes with him andsmiled even more. He was gorgeous you thought as you sipped your drink.Throughout the performance his attention kept coming back to you.

After the set, crowd dispersed, and the band members talkedto the fans who stuck around. You had turned back to the bar to pay your billwhen someone sat down on the next stool. You glanced up and the singer from theband was sitting next to you.

“Umm hey, I’m Gerard, thanks for coming out to the show.” Hesaid running his hand through his hair.

“I’m (y/n). You guys are really great, you know?”

“Thanks,” he said with a bashful smile and your stomachflipped. He was even cuter up close.

You two continued talking for quite a while before younoticed the time.

“Hey Gerard, I really want to continue this conversation,but I have to go get ready for work.”

Gerard looked up at the clock above the bar, it was almost 2AM and looked back at you with a confused look.

“I own a bakery,” you explained. “I have to get the breadand pastries baking for the day.”

“Can we meet up some time soon?” He asked hopefully.

“Yea, that would be awesome,” you said with a smile beforereaching over the bar to grab a pen and a napkin.

“Hey, don’t just go grabbing shit,” the bartender calledfrom the end of the bar behind you. You whipped your head around and shot him aglare that made his blood run cold. Gerard saw the look of fear on thebartender’s face and looked over his shoulder trying to figure out whatelicited such a look. He shrugged when he didn’t see anything out of orderbehind him and turned back to you as you held up the napkin with your phonenumber on it and a sweet smile.

“Call me,” you said as you got up to leave.

“I will,” he replied as he watched you walk away. Gerard waslooked at your phone number on the napkin when the bartender approached him.

“Hey man, watch yourself with that chick, she’s scary,” hesaid.

“What the fuck are you talking about man?” Gerard asked incredulously.The bartender just replied by holding his fingers over his teeth like fangs andsnarled at the singer.

“Ok,” Gerard said as he waved him off and went back to thestage where his bandmates were starting to pack up their equipment. It had beena great night in his book.

~

The phone ringing on your nightstand woke you from yourslumber. Sitting up against the pillows in your cool dark room you answered,trying to shake the sleep from your voice. “Hello?”

“Hey, (y/n)? Its Gerard, from the bar.”

“Oh hey, how’s it going?”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, it’s ok. What’s going on?”

You and Gerard talked for a while about life, his band, andsome new songs he was working on. You agreed to meet up for coffee in a coupledays before their next show.

The night of your date, you got up early to do your hair,and makeup. Your signature look was a bit mod; winged eyeliner and a neutrallip. It wasn’t exactly the trendiest look, but you knew what you liked. Youpulled on your coat and headed out.

When you arrived at the coffee shop, Gerard was out frontsmoking a cigarette looking a little nervous. You smiled as you approached inthe cold early dusk air.

“Hey, how’s it going?” you asked as you approached.

“Great,” he said with a smile as he snuffed out hiscigarette under the toe of his boot. He held the door open for you as youwalked into the small coffee shop. You both ordered black coffee and settled inat a small table a silence overtaking you both, until you both started takingat the same time.

“So you own a bakery?” He asked as you asked “How often doesyour band perform?” You both laughed as Gerard ran his hand through his blackhair.

“Umm yea, I’ve owned the bakery for a while. It’s been afamily owned since the 30s.”

“Wow, that’s really cool,” Gerard said with a smile. Therewas something about him you really could not put your finger on. You just feltso comfortable with him.

“Are you excited for your show tonight?” You asked aftertalking about your bakery for a while.

“Oh yes, we have a couple new songs. You’re coming tonightright?”

“Of course! How soon do we have to go?”

Gerard glanced up at the clock on the wall. “Oh yea, weshould get going.”

You both grabbed your cups and headed out into the coldnight. As you walked down the street, you felt his hand brushing against yourstentatively. You glanced up and he glanced down shyly and took your hand.

When you got to the bar they were playing in, a line wasstarting to form out front and you both slipped around to the back.

“I got to help set up, so I’ll see you after the show.”

After the show, you found Gerard and he was grinning andfull of energy, as the show was just as energetic and exciting as the last one.He threw his arm over your shoulder and introduced you to the other guys in theband. After they finished tearing down their equipment, Gerard offered to walkyou back to your car.

“Thanks for the good time tonight Gee,” you said as youleaned against your car. Gerard had been much more confident about taking your handas you walked the blocks back to where you parked.

“Thanks for coming out, I’m glad you had fun,” he said,looking down at your hand in his, then looked back up at you. You bit your lipas you glanced at his and Gerard took the hint you were not so subtly sending. Heleaned in, pressing his lips softly against yours at first, until you reachedup and pulled him in a little more strongly and then he was wrapping his armsaround your waist.

You instantly felt a spark, the connection you felt fromback in the coffee shop solidifying even more. When you pulled back the look inhis eyes told you he felt the same.

“Wanna do this again soon?” He asked quietly. You nodded andsmiled at him. “Good, then I’ll call ya.”

“I’ll see ya around,” you said as you got in the car. Youwaved as he watched you drive away. But then Gerard did a double take. Heglanced at the rear-view window, he didn’t see you. His eyes quickly scanned tothe mirror on the door and again saw nothing but the interior of the car. Hechalked it up to the adrenaline in his veins wearing off, or the dim light. Butsomething nagged at the back of his mind that there was something else goingon.

~

The next night Gerard ventured back to the bar where he hadmet you. The bartender that was working that night was still behind the bar, dryingglasses when Gerard approached.

“’Scuse me,” Gerard said to get his attention.

“What can I get you?”

“Nothing, umm, I was here the other night, I was talking tothis girl and you said to be careful,” as Gerard spoke a look of recognition spreadacross the man’s face.

“Oh yea, now I remember you, she try to bite you?”

“No, what? No, that’s what I was wondering about. You saidto be careful around her.”

“Yea, she’s been coming here for years, never ages. Rumorhas it she’s a vampire.”

Gerard looked at the bartender like he was nuts, but his curiositywas piqued. “You really think?”

The bartender nodded. “Why not. I’ve seen a lot of crazyshit over the years. Why not believe in vampires too?”

Gerard thanked the bartender for the information and headedout, his head spinning. He was always intrigued by vampires, but he thoughtthey were the stuff of legend. Now this beautiful girl that he really wanted tosee again was supposedly one of them, and he was even more intrigued.

~

You and Gerard had been going out for a couple months nowand growing closer. After your first date, you felt like he was watching yourbehaviors a bit more closely at first, but he seemed to have gotten used to theway you lived. You noticed that unlike other guys you tried to date, Gerard didn’tinvite you out to eat, which really made life easier. You didn’t eat likepeople, because you weren’t people. In fact, you ate people. Not really,though. You had a friend at the Red Cross who brought you what youaffectionately called your juice boxes from their donated supply.

After another late night with Gerard, you had hurried home.When you got in, you saw you had a message on your answering machine. Pressingplay, Gerard’s voice filled the room.

“Hey, I just noticed you left your scarf here, if you want,I can drop it off when you open your shop up this morning. I don’t want you tonot have it when we’re out of town for a few weeks. Umm yeah, I’ll see youlater.”

A smile crept across your face as you changed into freshclothes. You didn’t need that scarf, but any chance to see Gerard again beforehe left town was welcome. You quickly called him back and told him to come tothe back door any time after 6 AM.

You went downstairs and set to work on the day’s baked goodsas well as a special-order birthday cake. You opened the store when youremployee, Martha, came in to work the counter. As you placed the finishingtouches on the top layer of frosting you heard a quiet rapping on the backdoor. “Hey, come on in,” you said opening the door for Gerard.

“Thanks, here’s this” he said handing you the scarf. Youtook it from him and with a glance toward the front of the store, pressed yourlips to his for a brief makeout session before redirecting your attention backto the cake.

“It looks great, you’re really good at that,” he repliedsitting down on the stool across the small kitchen watching you get back towork.

“Thanks, I’ve had a lot of practice. I should be done soon.”

The bell above the front door rang as a customer came in andMartha greeted them.

“You see sweetie, I used to bring your mother here when welived in this neighborhood” you heard a familiar voice say. It had been a longtime since you heard that voice, and it had aged.

You glanced up from the cake, and without meaning to, metthe old woman’s eye. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Lorraine? Is that you? No, no it couldn’t be, you haven’taged a day since we moved!” She babbled and you felt a rush of irritation andembarrassment wash over you. You glanced nervously over at Gerard who lookedbetween you and the old woman with a confused expression on his face.

“Oh, ah, no sorry, that was my Grandmother. She owned thebakery before me” you said with a smile.

“My goodness, I’ve never seen a family resemblance sostrong!”

“I hear that a lot, excuse me won’t you?” you said with awave before turning and hurrying down the stairs to the basement. You heard asecond set of footsteps behind you.

“Are you ok?” Gerard asked as you paced the dim room.

You hung your head as you stopped pacing. You thought enoughtime had passed, that you had changed your hair enough, your modern clotheswould disguise you, that you wouldn’t actually be in the store when someone recognizedyou from before, from impossibly long ago. But it happened. No one would give asecond thought to a doddering old lady thinking you were practically a twin ofyour supposed grandmother, but it unnerved you especially with Gerard there towitness it.

“What is going on?” Gerard asked again, placing his hands onyour shoulders. You looked up at him and sighed. May as well rip off thisbandage.

“I- I, didnt want to tell you because I really like you, whichsounds really fucked up and backwards, but,” you took a deep breath and sighed.“I’m going to tell you something, because I trust you. And you can leave andnever come back if you want but promise me you won’t tell anyone else.”

He furrowed his brows even deeper.

“You may have heard some rumors about me. And depending onwhich ones you’ve heard they may be true.”

“So, the rumors about you being a vampire?”

“Are accurate.” You stated and let your gaze fall to thefloor. Gerard gently placed his hand under your chin and tilted your face up tolook you in the eyes.

“My girlfriend is a vampire? That is the coolest fuckingthing I’ve ever heard!” He said with a grin before planting a kiss on yourlips. When you separated you laughed.

“I should have known you would react like that,” you repliedwith a laugh. “And I promise I will tell you everything, but I have to finishthat cake and you need to get on the road to your next show.”

~

When the band returned from their short tour up the coast,you as you found yourself outside Gerard’s apartment door, a wave of nervesrushing over you. You knocked and heard him on the other side before he openedthe door.

“Hey sugar, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he said pullingyou against him, lips connecting. “You want anything?” he asked politely when you separated,shrugging off your coat.

“No thanks, I’m ok. How were the shows?”

“Awesome! We got some real fans coming out now.” Gerard saidleaning against the kitchen counter and you hopped up on the counter acrossfrom him.

“So I suppose we should have that talk now?” You suggested apprehensively.

“Yea. I was wondering what’s your tragic backstory?“

“My what now?” You asked, slightly taken aback.

“Ya know, you’re a fuckin vampire, isn’t your pastsupposed to be dark and tragic?”

“Listen, I’ve literally only been a vampire for like 40years and that’s because I asked to be one! I kinda fell in with a crowd thatreally knew how to party back when I was… really younger, and I didn’t want theparty to ever end and they gave me the opportunity to do just that. The problemI after about 30 years, I really was ready to grow up, or at least leave thatlife behind, but I was stuck. But at least I’m always gonna look like I’m in my20s. People pay good money for this and I got it for free. Well, free plus thecost of my humanity.”

“You’re the strangest person I’ve ever met.”

“Indeed I am. But you’re the one who asked me out,” yougrinned.

Gerard pushed himself up from the counter and crossed thesmall distance between you and put his hands on your waist. “(YN), you may be avampire, but I fucking love you.”

You gasped lightly then a grin spread across your face. “Eventhough I’m a sixty-seven-year-old monster?”

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to your lips. “You’re not a monster, you’re my monster.”

“And you say I’m the strangest person you’ve ever met. Haveyou ever looked in a mirror?”

“Have you?”

“Low blow, Way. Low blow.”

Gerard cracked up at this.

“Ugh I love you too, you weirdo,” you laughed, and he kissedyou again.

Masterlist

#requested #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #my chemical romance fan fiction #gerard way imagine #pest-ill-ence #my chemical romance fan fic

[kippentrash]

(1/?)The fact that I thought them saying long distance was a metaphor for how the relationship is slowburn is probably far fetched right? I think Rachel will show up in 3x14, that would be some conflict possibly because Marty is shown running with Buffy :o If I'm gonna be honest I think Muffy will get together romantically but once I meet Rachel I'll either be like "love this new character!" or "i want to cry why are you this way" JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU

(2/?) Tyrus tangents always welcome! My heart broke for both of them. Cyrus is already insecure as we’ve seen and this can’t be good for his self esteem :( TJ is obviously going through something and I’m worried for what it is. Did Kira make him insecure? Or was it something different? Either way this emotional conflict (as you pointed out) feels almost bigger than the gun. Because Cyrus trusts Tj at this point, the gun situation was the thing to cement that

(3/3) Totally agree with being outsold like this episode, while hurtful in aspects was so GOOD. We’re seeing Jonah growth, Muffy and Tyrus growth and I am here for it!! Bexie not having a wedding I was actually okay with? Hopefully Andi’ll be okay too. My cats a Burmese! He just reached his 1st year yesterday :) you have a dog??? What breed? How old? Sorry I love dogs they are great animals -ghostie anon

So like this turned out pretty long bc I addressed pretty much everything you mentioned (most elaborately the buildup and teardown of Cyrus) plus more here and there. Like, I’ve typed a lot before, and I’ve put things under a cut before, but this is LONG. Like when I first got into the fandom and typed a weeks worth of responsed for the Andi Mack Month prompts long. SO UNDER A CUT IT GOES LOL (I’m sorry again for it being practically a 5 page essay ;w;)

To summarize: Rachel will definitely be an interesting aspect of the ep, the things showed of Cyrus’s insecurities plus the fact that somersaults are ‘their thing’ makes it all the more painful, I’m really excited to see what specifically they chose to do with TJ and his insecurities, Jonah’s doing better and I don’t want Jandi to ruin that, this episode has some cool parallels to 1x11, and this episode set up so much with each of the relationships I’m ready to see unfurl. Oh and rip Andi bigtime this episode.

Oh and so you don’t need to scroll all the way down, THAT’S SO CUTE MY FRIEND HAS A BURMESE TOO!!! He always looks like he’s constantly terrified lol I don’t think he likes me. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!! Doggos are amazing I have a yellow lab and I wub her sm

OKAY ONTO MY HELLA LONG RESPONSE TO YOUR ASKS I LOVE YOU AND IM REALLY SORRY IN ADVANCED 

Ooo that’s a cool thought! Maybe maybe! All I thought about the long distance thing is it was to show that Marty has changed a little during their time apart and that it was a plot device to show that Buffy’s competitiveness can cause her to get in over her head still, as well as you know the Marty worrying stuff. But that’s actually really interesting I hadn’t thought of it that way! I wonder how slow burn they can make it though considering how little is left for them to work with.

Pretty much anything Muffy related will cause conflict when it comes to Rachel tbh. Like just them standing next to one another with her knowledge will be something because of the sheer amount of sparks flying between them when they so much as look at each other LOL (You can see my Muffy stan jumping out). And I’m all for it! No offense Rachel, I know you probably make Marty happy and stuff but like… Muffy. I’m honestly kind of curious how Marty and Rachel’s relationship is going to be portrayed considering it’s going to be sunk FAST and I’m pretty sure Muffy will happen extremely soon after so. We’ll see how that goes. Because Muffy is definitely endgame at this point in my opinion, whether it be ambiguous because Rachel and Marty just broke up and they want to find security in the newly rebuilt relationship they have before starting anything or something they show with full confirmation and commitment on screen.

I’m trying my best to have NO expectations of Rachel so we’ll see what happens when I meet her lol. There’s no character in this show at this point I have ZERO opinion on I think (watch me remember some as soon as I finish posting this lol), so I’m pretty sure that I’ll definitely form some feeling about her in the single episode she’s in. But I’m kind of hoping they’re not that strong of feelings. So we’ll see how that goes I don’t want to feel bad for her but I also don’t want to just despise her for being a buffer between Muffy so. WE SHALL SEE WE SHALL SEE.

As for Tyrus, oh my GODS right? Looking at it from Cyrus’s perspective might pain me even more than looking at it in TJ’s. 

TJ’s the one person who’s constantly believed in him and never seems to be ashamed of Cyrus, and then this happens. He was the first one to tell Cyrus not to let anyone, even himself, tell him what he can’t do. Then take into account that somersault is one of those big moments in Cyrus’s life where TJ was there and believed in him and didn’t seem to be ashamed or put off by it, even though Cyrus and Andi had insisted it was something Cyrus was incapable of. Both him and his best friend tried to warn TJ against it, yet TJ didn’t give up on Cyrus and was so proud when he was able to do it. But now that same thing that TJ had once been proud of and shown no judgment towards and is something Cyrus considered to be their thing is what TJ winds up opting out of. 

It brings me back to s2 when Cyrus said “He wants to be friends with me. Who knows why.” And it makes me really want to cri everytiem. Like you said, the gun situation built up their friendship even more and established its solidarity, and you can tell they got even closer after it. He thought they were comfortable and that he was as important to TJ as TJ was to him (which he IS), especially after the whole “only person I can talk to like this” thing. So TJ not telling Cyrus something, along with that ‘something’ negatively having to do with something he thought was special to both of them, must be a real punch in the gut.  Maybe Cyrus is more secure in himself than I’m giving him credit for and is just feeling betrayed, but I think it’s more of both betrayal, humiliation, and questioning of their whole relationship (which I think I’ve posted about already lol). 

AND THEN if you take when he and Jonah were supposed to wear matching jackets together and compare that to him and TJ in this scenario, I’d think that this feels even worse. TJ was the one brought up doing a matching costume in comparison to him bringing up the jackets with Jonah, and instead of just being a jacket from a random sports game he didn’t care for, this was an inside joke that he emphasized was their thing. So it was bigger and more important. This may be me reading into it too much, but considering being ditched in a situation like this is now something that has happened to him before due to the Jonah thing, he might feel even worse about himself for letting it happen to him twice.

I’m putting a lot of emphasis on the fact that it’s their thing, because even though Cyrus and TJ both saying that in the episode was cute for the simple fact that they say they have a ‘thing’, I feel like by saying that it also draws attention to the importance of what the costume was in their relationship. It was them both being proud of having a ‘thing’ and ‘inside joke’ together. And I kinda keep in mind that Cyrus and TJ had been talking about the costume and its importance to two different people trying to stand their ground against two different costumes. They know both of them found the costume funny and was a cool joke between the two of them, but they didn’t necessarily know how much importance it held for the other. But one party backed out of something that actually holds importance and emotional value for someone they claimed they didn’t really hang out with much and with no warning at all. If it were me my anxiety would make me wonder whether it had actually been important to them at all or if it were all in my own head. ;=;

This scene just feels so built up from so many different times we’ve seen Cyrus feel insecure, and now that TJ’s become someone he doesn’t find himself feeling insecure around and someone he instead finds comfort in, having it all compound into TJ no longer being someone who he can feel he trusts makes it so much worse. Especially since it related to something he felt was important enough to them that he’d opted out of the GHC+Jonah costume.

And on TJ’s side I feel so bad that he feels like turning down Kira for Cyrus is something that wouldn’t normally be accepted, and I’m really curious what route they’re going to go in terms of which aspect of what she said had caused him to change his mind, because really there are a few different things they can go about using. They can draw it on the lines of peer pressure and social hierarchy, fear of being too obvious with how he treats Cyrus, make him question himself/his sexuality, etc. and whatever route they do take will essentially come back to TJ’s insecurity. 

But like I said, TJ’s never seemed to be ashamed of being close to Cyrus before and has never seemed to care about how being friends with Cyrus (or ‘a person like Cyrus’) might affect his image before, so I’m really interested to see what part of his insecurities caused him to ditch Cyrus. He’s in so much pain when he sees Cyrus (Luke OUTSOLD) that it makes me wonder what pushed him to even consider hurting both himself and Cyrus in the process. Especially when you consider the line from 3x7 where he talks about how if he knew Reed had a gun, he definitely wouldn’t have brought Cyrus. So yeah, I’m really curious and hope to see them actually specify what part of her threat caused him to decide to change his mind. They pretty much need to have him give some explanation to Cyrus in order for things to mend themselves.

I also wonder if TJ will feel bad enough about this to avoid Cyrus himself or if TJ’s insecurities will cause him to feel like he doesn’t have the right or can’t talk to Cyrus without it being risky, or if Cyrus will be avoiding him after this or anything. This seems like a big argument type of thing. No TJ next episode means no confrontation for at least a period of time in-universe, and I don’t think it’ll be Buffy and Andi policing Cyrus again this time. Cyrus is his own person, they know that and acknowledge that more than ever after the gun incident, and I think they know whatever he does in regards to TJ will be his own decision and will support his decision like the good friends they are. People are upset at them for jumping to conclusions about TJ ditching Cyrus but fact of the matter is their friend is extremely upset over something TJ caused, and they’re being protective. Sort of like when Amber had done some bad things to Andi, it took Cyrus and Buffy some time on their own to lower their defenses. Plus, looking at Cyrus’s face when he was about to cry after TJ leaves with Kira tells me that while the gun thing wasn’t that personal, this definitely was.

Please say that it’s not a plotline they shove offscreen for an episode like they did with Jonah and Libby before coming back to it. At least show Cyrus having some distress about it and talking about it with maybe Buffy or something. And please please please Andi Mack I beg of you stop hurting TJ like this he’s already gone through so much and he’s NOT EVEN A MAIN CHARACTER SALKDJASKLDJ Anytime he does something like this it will give me flashbacks to “classic TJ” and I DON’T WANT IT TO (okay yes I do because it shows it’s a powerful line and they’re using it to provoke me properly but you know what I mean)

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. This poor boy. He’s growing into his own person and becoming more understanding that while he should take others feelings into account he also needs to pay attention to himself instead of just always putting on a brave face which I love. But jfc he has the worst timing to make these decisions. Andi already had so many other things just crashing down around her, adding his anvil to the pile was definitely an oof.

I really hope that now that they’re emphasizing both how Andi does not want to be the next ex in the lineup as well as how Jonah finds being in a relationship too demanding that it’s actually building up to a single Jonah endgame, or at the very least an ambiguous endgame. They have it pretty set in stone at this point that Andi and Jonah are fine with their friendship and that Jonah’s been getting himself into relationships he is most definitely not ready for, so with so few episodes left I can’t see how they can turn that on its heel and result in Jandi endgame without some major logic gaps. 

For the love of EVERYTHING Jonah take some time to be single. Amber always needing a boyfriend pales in comparison to you always getting a girlfriend even though you don’t even seem to want one???

Also random but I really like how his decision to not partake in the group costume paralleled 1x11 where Andi decided to not just make decisions to make Jonah happy. I feel like this episode in general paralleled bits of 1x11 here and there tbh. Maybe I’m just reading into it too much but not just Jonah and Andi making their own decisions instead of making everyone happy, but the whole costume aspect vs the prison uniforms, Cyrus wanting to back out of Mt Rushmore vs wanting to change into his own outfit for picture day, Buffy helping Cyrus find an replacement vs Buffy helping Cyrus find a way to use the prison uniform well for his picture, and Jonah not participating in Mt Rushmore just for Andi vs Andi not giving up on her movement and taking off the uniform just for Jonah are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head! I haven’t seen anyone mention it and it’s not like its a big obvious parallel, but it’s just some things I started thinking about after comparing Jonah and Andi’s ‘were we ever’-esque speeches.

AND FINALLY MUFFY, TYRUS, AND BEXIE PLOTS OPENING. 

Like you said, I love the develpoment they’re giving Muffy and Tyrus! Muffy’s being given time to show that they fit like puzzle pieces even after not talking for awhile and that even after they haven’t talked for awhile and left on not the best of terms, they still clearly care for eachother whatever way that is at the moment, and I can’t wait to see how they add to that care and their dynamic as we get to see the rest of Marty’s episodes in the season. Tyrus getting angst specifically related to their relationship like Muffy’s ‘I want it to be real/I don’t want it to change’, Bexie’s proposal(s) and last name decision, and Jandi’s… well Jandi’s everything since pretty much it’s always something personal blown out of proportion for Jandi is something I didn’t expect and am actually excited for the more I think about it! Like yes it’s going to pain me until the show is back, but I’m not opposed to the angst itself lol. So I’m ready to see how they grow and to what extent they grow by the finale!

Bexie not having a wedding I’m actually okay with too. Like there’s really no rush to get married, if they decide later down the line they do want to have a wedding or just want to officiate it that’s fine. They’re engaged, and they’re committed to eachother, and that’s enough for them if they can be a family. Of course, eventually they’ll probably want to go through with at least something small in the future (if you think hypothetically not with the confirmation they’re gonna have a wedding in show) that’s fine too. Honestly, considering they didn’t even go through the process of beginning to date again before proposing, I sort of think it’d be good for them if they prolong the wedding. There’s no time frame a wedding needs to occur post engagement, right?

I do feel bad for Andi though, since she was so excited and working so hard with Cece to plan for the wedding, only for it to not happen since of course it’s not her wedding and she can’t make them get married if they don’t want to. This episode was just so mean to her oh my gosh, from her parents’ marriage to her group costume, they were things she was so excited for but had to rely on others which ultimately fell through and she just can’t do anything about it really. PLUS trying to work out a friends’ relationship and make it work for them even though it’s really not something she should need to get involved with must’ve exhausted her. Trust me, I know. I know the feeling for both the being excited for something but commitments fall through and the feeling of how tiring it is trying to help friends in a relationship understand their own relationship. Lmao.

I think that was about it in response to what you said. Sorry again that it’s so frEAKING long and if you read this far (whether you’re ghostie or you’re just a random passerby on this LONG ASS POST) you a real one and I love you

I should have applied to TyrusChat with this much commentary i stg SLKAJDLKSAJ except I was too socially anxious to apply and have such disorganized thoughts to dump. Whoops.

I hope this made sense. It took me like 2-3 hrs to type this all out while discording my friends (not related to Andi Mack), so yeah. Hope this was a fun read and is somewhat coherent since it’s 2am. No proofreading we die like… dead people.

OVERALL: As you put it best...

“JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU “

#andi mack #muffy #tyrus #askcan trashcan #ghostie anon #i'll reblog this tmrw since you're prob asleep ghostie lol #holy shit this is nearly 3000 words #i pasted on a google doc and it is literally a little over 4 pages long #im so sorry #i love you to whoever winds up reading this #i swear i only type this much on my personal website normally #nobody cares trash #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #jonah beck #andiman #am meta #ig not really meta but analysis? #idk the word #long post #s3e13 #am 3.13 #3x13

[geek-gem]

I've rewatched Godzilla 2014

It's been a long time since I've seen the film. At one point it was tv but it wasn't at the start and I just didn't wanna watch it. It was in the first half where Ford and Joe are finally at Joe's apartment or something.

Yet yeah I just watched the film after a long time basically.

I watched the DVD version that was included with this package. To be honest weird the Warner Bros DVD menus all look the same in a way. First Rampage, San Andreas, now Godzilla 2014.

But back to the main point. Now that I'm older and what are my thoughts.

I liked it.

But I wanna share something that Gareth Edwards said about this movie. Okay I looked in Wikipedia and Google. I am not sure if Gareth Edwards said it. But it was something about making The Dark Knight of Godzilla.

Gonna tell you that saying....is something.

Yet I feel compared to The Dark Knight, a film I haven't seen fully for a long time. I appreciate the direction the film was going for. Especially because of that 1998 mess of a film from TriStar.

But also...compared to The Dark Knight....which is when I look at it a awesome film. Godzilla 2014 could be a lot more better. But also I wanna make a joke where King Ghidorah starts saying shit, "Wanna know how I got these scars?" I was gonna say Kevin should say it but let Ichi say that shit instead. Or it would most likely be like, "Wanna know how we got these scars?"

Let me tell you I don't mind and I do love more serious Godzilla stories. The original 1954 film and it's 1956 American version are classics that hold up to this day.

I weirdly wanna call Godzilla 2014 a more serious version of Godzilla 2000. But there are no aliens in this.

Let's get some positives out of the way. Godzilla and the Muto's are pretty damn cool when they are on screen.

Including the score is good while it's at it. Especially my favorite characters were Serizawa, Vivianne Graham, and even Ford Brody. Everyone does do a good performance in there own right.

But I should just get to the point. Especially what the problem I have with this film now. I understand build up and what the film is trying to do. I remember now, here's the problem I have with this film.

The characters aren't the most interesting. I'll be honest the film gets better once the Titans start coming out. But again the characters and while I did like Joe Brody and what was going on with his character. Despite even if it was for a short time.

But the characters don't pull me in that much. I understand as a fan of Kaiju and other stuff like that. We are here for the monsters. Yet while they are gone the humans are around and they can be good characters. Really there is nothing wrong with many of the characters.

Yet they don't pull me in. The film doesn't feel that exciting. Basically I need more of a reason to care for certain characters.

Including to be honest as I watched the film. I don't mind Ford as a character. Who's our main protagonist. He isn't a bad character, and I like certain moments with him. Also I know the whole shit that soldiers need to control their emotions and stuff.

Also towards the end I loved the little moments where he and Godzilla there are parallels with them. Such as them looking at each other, and when they fall.

Yet the point is Ford isn't a character that isn't the most exciting.

I'm gonna be a hypocrite and say something like I think this film was being a bit too serious. Which is absolute bullshit considering we have the original film. That's the idea it's the human characters.

Including I'm bothered by stuff like the lighting when it's nighttime on the monsters. Where they blend in with the buildings.

Also I'll say this I know the comparisons to Jaws and Alien. But the problem with that is those two are especially Jaws are some of the greatest films of all time. With characters that you gain interest in and you like them.

Godzilla 2014 tries that and I understand the direction they went with. But when you have characters that don't interest you as much. I just felt like I was watching the film.

Including watching the film now I understand why many people were displeased with this film. To the point they liked that 1998 film much more. Which I'll mention again later.

Along with the fact no wonder why I think with each installment of the Monsterverse gets better. Because of the different takes but also showing the monsters more. Including more entertaining characters.

I'm sorry I sound like an action junkie. Especially as someone who understands the seriousness of what Godzilla is as a symbol of quite some things.

In fact I wanna say this and almost forgot. I wanna be honest and I want to talk about this with some folks.

Is it possible everyone's bitching about Ford Brody as a character is the reason why we don't get more soldiers as main protagonists? It depends on the story the person is talking about. But it just makes me think. Mainly that Sonic movie but whatever else.

It can be about any film especially Transformers and whatever big franchise that has action or whatever. It's just me theorizing that I feel is the reason there isn't more soldier protagonists in films like these. Yet I could be wrong.

But I wanna say this. This is a alright start to the Monsterverse. I'll be honest too, I feel this year's Godzilla King Of The Monsters is truly what I wanted from an American Godzilla film. Such as the characters, story, score, monsters, and other things. Hopefully Godzilla Vs Kong continues that trend of being better each time. Especially the fact KOTM 2019 did actually make me cry which I've mentioned before.

Along with the important fact, despite my problems with this film. This is a Godzilla film, Gareth Edwards and everyone who worked on this film treated the character with dignity and respect. Even though I had problems with the film in my mind I feel like a good comparison might be the 1970's King Kong remake. But I think that's stupid considering we have Kong Skull Island.

The point being everyone who worked on this film made a Godzilla film, and again treated the character with dignity. Especially compared to the 1998 meme of a film that is TriStar's Godzilla. Where it was made by two guys Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin who actually said there were no good Godzilla films. Despite how iconic and important the original 1954 film was.

I know it's repetitive to mention Godzilla 1998 and the way I see it, it's basically the Sonic 06 of the Godzilla franchise.

But I wanted to get my point across. The 2014 film did it's job to redeem itself what happened with the first American remake. Now we have the Monsterverse, a worthy sequel fans and audiences love, and an upcoming crossover with Godzilla and King Kong himself.

I will mention the reason I haven't watched this film earlier during vacation because was worried it would bore people. My brother and his friend watched it with me, but my brother went to bed soon, and the last 15 minutes his friend went to the bathroom.

For a lot of the movie it was just me experiencing it. Even told them I was worried it would of bored them, before that heard someone said because it was too scary or whatever.

During the movie my brother asked if I liked Godzilla 2 which he means KOTM, or the 2014 film. I told him I liked the 2nd one more. This was again during the movie. Basically was realizing why I liked that film more.

It was fun seeing his friends reaction to how huge Godzilla was. Strange he thought the male Muto was Godzilla, had to correct him. But yeah the size thing was fun and my brother thought he didn't look that huge. Despite his friend literally searched up Godzilla's height in the 2014 film after I mentioned his height in the 2019 film, and what he possibly was in the 2014 film.

I got the tags dealt with, it's 1:24 am, I'm not going to bed now. But this is my thoughts on the film after rewatching it after a long time now. 1:25 am

Edit 2:39 am I'll mention this when Godzilla finally showed up, my brother's friend said Godzilla's legs were thick or something or that he was thick, whatever just wanna share that. 2:40

#godzilla #godzilla 2014 #monsterverse

[acescreations]

Moody Manipulations - Patton

[Part 2 to the Connected Youtuber Ego Universe(CYEU) stories I'm doing on Amino.]

Characters: Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Roman Sanders, Thomas Sanders, Elliott (Cartoon Therapy), Kai (Cartoon Therapy), Lauren (Cartoon Therapy), Missy Sanders [background character], Pranks Sanders [refrenced], Mitchell (Cartoon Therapy) [mentioned]

Warnings: Patton has a really bad day, cries, and hides his emotions, Patton also has a retail job I feel like I should mention that, Mitchell is implied to be a little b*tch, Patton gets verbally abused

Word Count: 1798

It really didn't take me long to figure out what my emotions do. Whenever I was happy, things went right in the world, and when I was sad things went wrong. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but the correlation was too obvious to be chance. After that, I always did my best to stay in a good mood. I'd do things I enjoy, and avoid people and things that upset me.

I have to admit, staying happy became a lot harder. It almost seemed like a job at this point, since it was my responsibility to be happy. I still tried my hardest despite this, and when I was happy, hearing about all the good things happening in the world put me in an even better mood. Though that did go both ways, and hearing about bad things happening made me more upset, so I eventually decided to not look at the news when I was already uspet.

This was all a pretty good strategy for keeping my mood up, but one day everything went wrong, and I had no idea how to stay happy then.

I was heading down to my job at the local retail store and I bumped into someone on the street. "Whoops! Sorry about that." They said nothing, and just kept walking. I was surprised I didn't see them sooner. They had a head full of messy green hair along with bright blue eyes. I didn't really think much of it, after all, it was a busy street, people run into each other all the time. Once I got to my job, I saw my best friend getting his stuff. It looked like he was leaving, but we were supposed to be on the same shift today. I walked up to him as he was putting his hat on. "What's going on Chase? Are you leaving?" He turned to me with a sigh. "Yeah, I just got fired. I have no idea how I'm gonna pay for my date with Stacy now."

"Oh, geez." I was pretty disappointed myself. I always looked forward to the days when we worked together. "Well, good luck on finding a new job, I guess." Chase nodded as he walked past me. "Yeah, I guess."

I sighed as he left. This job was going to get a lot harder without him here. But, I still had my job to do, so I put on my name tag and I clocked in.

After a while of uneventful work, a woman came in and slammed a box of party supplies onto the counter. "I need to return these," she demanded.

"Okay ma'am," I said, a little nervous, "do you have the receipt?"

"No, but I don't need this anymore. I never needed it, so give me a refund on it!"

"I'm sorry, but can't return anything without proof of purchase." I had never had one of these conversations before, and this lady was really intimidating.

"I'm not keeping stuff my husband bought as a prank! Of course you teenagers don't care about how much money all this costs, you probably get handed money just so you can spend it all on stupid parties, don't you?"

Of course, I didn't actually do any of that, but she didn't know that, and I wasn't allowed to tell her that. "I want to help you, but I can't give you a refund on anything without a receipt."

The woman let out a frustrated growl. "I don't have time for this." She stormed out of the store, leaving the box on the counter. I allowed myself a sad sigh as I picked up the box and moved it off the counter, putting on a brand new smile as the next person in the line brought up their stuff. "Good afternoon, did you find everything you were looking for?"

~ ~ ~

By the end of my shift, I was exhausted. I wanted to call someone for a ride home, but my phone had died, so I had to walk. To make matters worse, I saw a cat that had been hit by a car on the side of the road. By that point, I was barely holding back tears, although I kept telling myself to stay cheerful, which only made it harder. I decided that I'd have a few cookies to cheer myself up when I got home.

I walked through the door, and saw Logan and Thomas sitting on the couch, watching the news. Obviously, it was all bad news. Logan turned off the TV as they both turned to me. "Bad day?" I must have looked pretty upset, because I never told Thomas about what my emotions do, but something must have prompted him to ask that. I just shrugged. I didn't want to talk about it, because I felt like I'd break down in tears if I did. I walked past them wordlessly and went into my room to change out of my work clothes. When I walked back out, I was determined to improve my mood, so I put on a smile and went to get that cookie, but I opened the cookie jar to find that it was empty. "When did we finish the cookies?" I asked to anyone who was listening. Thomas spoke up from the living room. "I'm pretty sure Lauren finished them with Roman and Virgil." I wanted to be upset about this, but I was determined to stay positive.

It's okay Patton, you can just make some more. That should be fun, that should make you happy.

I began taking out ingredients, but it turned out we were out of a flour, sugar, and eggs. That was definitely a disappointment. I told myself I'd be able to get through it anyway.

After that, though, was when I completely lost composure. Elliott walked out of their room, their shoulders hanging as they sat down next to Thomas on the couch. Logan looked up from where he was reading on the other end of the couch. "Mitchell left another message today." I overheard them saying. My heart broke in sympathy for my parent, and I quickly walked out of the kitchen and into my room, barely even trying to hold back tears anymore.

As soon as I was alone in my room, I collapsed to the floor, letting out all the sobbing my day had been leading up to. I don't know how loud I was being, but after wiping tears from my eyes, I looked up and I was surrounded by my family, all with faces of varying levels of concern and sympathy. Once my crying slowed, Virgil, eho was sitting in front of me, said "Hey, what's wrong?" I lowered my head onto my knees. "Bad day," I muttered, overcome with guilt for how many people I must have gotten hurt today. "Patton," I heard Logan say at my right, "you can't keep getting upset at yourself for being upset." I shook my head. "No, you don't understand," I said.

"I'm pretty sure I do, and Patton," Logan continued, "you're going to have your ups and downs, and it'll be less... disastrous if you just let the bad days be just a little bad. The world can take a little bit of misfortune, believe me."

I looked up at him, confused. "Are you saying you-"

"Yes Patton, and for your information I regularly keep up on the news so I can tell how your feeling. And yes," Logan continued, "everyone else knows too."

"Oh." I looked around at everyone, unsure of how I never found out.

"So why don't you just tell us what's going on today?" Virgil asked, scooting over to sit next to me. I shrugged, not really sure when exactly my day started going terribly. "Well on the way to work I bumped into this guy, which I really didn't mind that much, but after that I found out my friend got fired," I then just started stating everything that happened that day. I didn't mean to, really, I just started talking and then I couldn't stop myself. Once I was finished, Roman gave me a thoughtful look. "What did the guy on the street look like?" I blinked at him, confused as to why he was questioning that. "Well, he had blue eyes, and really messy green hair."

"What was he wearing?"

"I dunno, this big wavy coat?"

"Roman," Logan sighed, "what does this have to do with anything?" Roman didn't answer, despite everyone beong equally confused. He just stood up, muttered something about "Marvin" and walked out. "I have a hunch about something, I'll be back, hopefully with good news." Thomas sighed and shook his head after Roman left the house. "That boy, honestly. Anyway, how about me and Elliott go get those ingredients you were needing? You can just stay here and relax."

"No!" I said, a little too frantically. "I-it's just," I mumbled, "you could get hurt."

"It's fine," Logan said. "Camden's got an eye on the TV, and things are improving. They should be able to get there and back safely." Camden was the name Logan gave his familiar. I slowly nodded, and Virgil stood up and grabbed my hand. "All right, now you come here and watch some TV." I stood up and followed him as he led me to the couch, Logan, Kai, and Lauren following behind while Thomas and Elliott got ready to go to the store. Me and Virgil sat next to each other on the couch, Logan sitting a small distance away while Kai and Lauren sat near us.

After a while of watching Steven Universe, Roman burst back through the door. "Patton, you will have to worry about this misfortune no longer!"

"O-okay. Um, what did you do?" I asked.

"Well that person you bumped into, I'm actually acquainted to him. He calls himself Marvin the Magnificent. He claims to be a magician, but for as long as I knew him he couldn't do any actual magic. Turns out he got magic powers through a deal with a demon or something, and he had to agree to curse you with misfortune." He sat down on my other side, so now I had one sibling at both of my sides. "I talked him into releasing the curse," he said, probably more casually than what the situation would call for.

"Okay, thanks then," I said, despite Roman already being immersed in the show. We continued watching until Thomas and Elliott returned with the baking supplies, then Virgil, Thomas, and Lauren joined me in baking cookies. Once I tasted one of the cookies from out of the oven, I figured that the day wouldn't be as bad as it had been.

#patton sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #cartoon therapy #marvin the magnificent #elliott #kai #lauren #chase brody #stacy brody #missy #pranks #missy and pranks #mitchell #bad writing #writing tag

[suetuke]

SUE TUKE HERE Works at sec hand chances.

WELCOME to my mewe page. I'd appreciate an emoji if you come across my bio. A follow would be great.

POSITIVITY.... only here any disrespectful comments will be removed. Kindness does wonders for everyone. Let's not fight and please I'll only say this once. If we do not get on. You'll be added to a block list... So let's not go there yeah? Great.

MESSAGE ME anytime if you want to talk..

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[BIO STORY]

[Day 1] it was a good day back from a meeting with Janet. Got a lot done.

[Day 2] volunteer kersch was given small jobs around the shop. To see if she has potential of working in the shop. It may be head offices job to get staff working here. But I'm the one that has to put up with no effort. So i want effort.. Overall good day.

[Day 3] viki another volunteer was given small jobs to start off. Late start due to being out most of the day.

[Day 4] late getting back due to being out. Shop wasn't open today. Hopefully longer day in the shop tomorrow. Getting those figures up is what i want to see.

[Day 5] great day today got a lot done today. Happy with everything. Doing a donation event tomorrow. Giving little tasks to the volunteers to see potential.

[Day 6] the 5 pound donation went as cording as plan. Happy with the figures. They're looking better as the days go one. Great day.

[Day 7] longer day at work today. Good figures. Decided to do a bootsale event at the centre. All went as planned. Chose volunteer kersch as assistant manager. Because of her care in work.

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the week is done. Now onto the big reveal. Got some people coming in. As we will start filming our journey.

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[Day 1] new member Edward will be filming the entire process of this. The figured were high today due to little tricks or two. Got a lot done today. Shit night but that's expected. As it has happened before.. Wondering how far we'll get with this. Excites me everyday because that middle point is where it'll all take off. I'm looking forward to that. Introduced the girls to the new member. They're very excited to be going through this with me. Overall good day.

[Day 2] lovely lady got a makeover today. Volunteer vera needs to sort her shit out because it's getting me down. Her behaviour is terrible. Figures are good in the last few days working in the shop. Got the poster done last night. Happy i got it done. Let's hope tomorrow is just as good.

[Day 3] been a really low day. Personal reasons only. Figures are still good. I went over the refurb with Edward and staff. I gave them a chance to decide how the refurb should look like in they're open ideas.. Obviously mine was to everyone's taste. Let's hope all goes great when Janet gets here. We win the refurb and everything will be just great. We need this. Got involved with a pop video. Madalliecat363 was the lady who put the song together. Viki music player. And of course being the best of everything i was the dancer. Edward will have recorded everything so it'll be uploaded to tiktok tonight.

[Day 4] really long dull day. Not happy about the figures today. Laziness with the staff is annoying me big time. Joe came in with his wifes bits and bobs. Sorry to give him bad news but that's just how it is around here. It's not a royal laydeh. Bernie was making excuses to have mable stay at home. I haven't had her back at work for a while now. This can't go on! Not feeling the vibe... At all.

[Day 5] day off took today off filming.. Needed a day to sort stuff out. Got the customer to fill out a survey on they're experience in the shop. I think everything went well. Got a good feeling today. Had to send vera home as her lack of effort was annoying and getting in the way of a successful day. Figures were great tonight. Keeping things going.

[Day 6] today was a short day due to being out.. Hopefully a longer day tomorrow to figure out the challenge tomorrow. Its gonna be a good day. Can't believe I'm nearly at the half way point with this. Successful day even though we were out most of the day.

[Day 7] rot test challenge was done perfectly. Good vibes today. Out with my sister tonight overall a great day. Figures are still good. Let's keep this going.

[Day 8] its been a short day today and because of that the figures are crap today. Not happy with explaining to the staff the lack of effort Vera and viki is putting in. Not happy at all. Antique hunt is tomorrow. Got a lot of other work done today which lifts any day up. Let's keep this going.

[Day 9] Antique Hunt was great. Everything went to plan. Didn't make a lot which let me down. Because of the staffs stupidy at looking at a crapy map.. Annoyed at Vera trying to beat me at scores. I'm not having it! I'll have to play it back to show her who is boss!

[Day 10] got a lot done today. Figures are high today not bad at all. Didn't get round to doing this last night so I'm posting it tonight. Gloria was acting up again to bad she'll have to go.

[Day 11] got things a bit mixed up due to the un tidy back of the shop. Nothing was sorted the morning before by Mike. So I thought of a plan to side track kersch into thinking we were lazy workers. Not at all. We'll it backfired. Vicky handled it well. Great day overall.

[Day 12] went over some things around the shop. An okish day. No figures were made today I'm annoyed about that. Felt ganged up on today by staff. Not happy with the confusion of who's the manager around here. Didn't even need to say that again to the. An item had be vandalised. My guess by Vera since she has been saying shit about me. Trying to let me down. It's not going her way!

[Day 13] mables funeral is today. Its been a good day today. Not feeling great today. We keep going forward. Figures weren't counted up but that'll be sorted in the morning. Out all night. Rip mable

[Day 14] shop was closed today. Didn't make anything due to being out at the funeral

[Day 15] really low day not a lot got done today. In the middle of sorting other people's problems out. Which hasn't gone to plan. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[Day 16] a lady came in for a refund that didn't happen to her using and getting things customers don't get. No books no coffees and certainly not out of our mugs! Got a phone call from Mrs stubs dealing with the loss of the items they brought it as they were gone. Got big things planned ahead. Night out wasn't as expected.

[Day 17] its been a great day today. Got a lot done and got plans coming up. I know they'll be successful. Golden bag came in with awesome clothes.

Closing the shop for 3 days

[Day 21] Went over some things with the staff. With Janet coming tomorrow everything had to be cleared and check on. Can't disappoint her otherwise. Head office can't complain.

[Day 22] head manager Janet came to the shop. Everything went well till she took me into the back. I'm not sure where we'll be going from here. But it doesn't look good at all.

[Day 23] its fashion time in it. Everything went as cordially to plan. Everything went great. Didn't get any money though :( staff were injured that's hardly my fault. I got told bad news on the phone. The store will be closing.

[Day 24] the last day. Vicky mcculre was in the shop going over her charity in the children's hospital. Nothing better then Christmas and this beauty. Any awesome day ended on a un forgettable moment. Which I will post that in the next post. It's been a long journey but we finally made it.

this is the last of the updates. And I'll see you soon x

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will be adding as i go along in this one.

Link to this one.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdbLAq5d/

#bulwell #nottingham #Charity shop sue #Bio #Pinned post

[19agbrown]

Returned Part 1

Series: Returned

Supernatural fan-fic

Chapter: 1

Pairing(s): Dean x Cas(eventually)

Warnings: language, violence, mention of child abuse, sibling murder, some deancas fluff and angst, hinted deancas smut(nothing too bad, but I thought I should mention it anyway), dean nightmare, and let me know if there is something I should've put but didn't.

Note: This is my way of celebrating my blog hitting 200 FOLLOWERS. I'm very excited about this, and I've had this idea for a while, so I figured that I'd write it for my 200 celebration, but I'm delighted to say that that came far sooner than I expected. I just wanted to say thank you SO much for following me! And please let me know in the comments how you feel about chapter 1 of "Returned". If you want tagged for further chapters, let me know, and I'll see if I can figure out how to work the tags. If you have any suggestions for further chapters, let me know, and ill see what I can do to put it in! Once again, thank you all so much for following me! Chapter 2 will be posted soon!

(Dream in italics)

At 11:32pm, a black 1967 Chevy Impala pulled into the garage of an old Men of Letters bunker, carrying 5 weary passengers. The driver, a tall man with startling green eyes, sighed upon entering. "Home sweet home." This man, was Dean Winchester. And the other 4 passengers, of course, were; Sam and Mary Winchester, Castiel the Angel, and Jack Kline the Nephilim. The very odd family had just returned from a fairly tough Werewolf hunt.

Bruised, bleeding, and just plain exhausted, the family exited the car, and entered the seemingly endless hallway that would deliver them to the Bunker proper. "Who wants pancakes?" Mary asked with a falsely cheerful smile. "I do!" Jack replied almost at once. Mary gave Jack a tired chuckle and a fond smile. Sam said as he dropped the dark blue duffle bag onto the war room table, "I'm sure Dean does too." Dean shook his head, and said through a yawn, "No, I'm good." Sam frowned at Dean, and laughed when Castiel put a hand to Dean's forehead. Blushing a deep shade of pink, Dean spluttered, "C-Cas, what exactly are you doing?" Castiel squinted at Dean, and tilted his head to the side as he replied, "I am checking your temperature." 

Ignoring Sam's extremely loud laughter, Dean asked, "And why are you doing that?" Dropping his hand, Castiel replied, "You turned down food, so I thought you might be sick." At this, Sam laughed so hard that Dean was surprised that he wasn't running for a bathroom. Dean's blush deepened from pink to red, as he said, "No Cas, I'm not sick, I'm just tired. I just need to sleep a little. Get my 4 hours in, ya know?" Castiel frowned, and said, "No, I do not. But I will take your word for it." Dean cleared his throat, and said, "Alright then. I'm going to bed. Unless... you would like to come with me?"

Dean said this with a slight hopefulness that did not escape the attention of Mary and Sam, but Castiel noticed nothing. In his typical confused fashion, Castiel took Dean's offer to be a joke. "So, this is sarcasm." He thought. Not knowing how to respond to what he took to be just Dean's sense of humor, Castiel treated it as a serious request. "No thank you, Dean. I will just go and read some lore in the library."

With sadness that was obvious to everyone in the room, Dean nodded, and turned on his heel. Thinking hopefully that Dean had not been just joking, Castiel reached his hand out to stop him from leaving. But Dean was already slipping moodily through the doorway, and into the winding hallway that lead to Dean's room.

Dean sped quickly to his room, cursing his own stupidity the entire way. Slamming the door behind him, Dean went in. Not bothering to even undress, Dean dropped down to his bed, and sprawled himself out on top of the covers. Dean thought that, as usual, he would be kept up by thoughts of Cas, but much to his surprise, his eye lids began to droop as soon as his head touched the pillow.

The few feet between them might as well have been miles. Dean started as his sweeping gaze caught bright blue eyes, blinking slowly in the dim light. "Hello Dean." The gravelly voice behind the eyes that he so loved spoke. "C-Cas?" Dean's voice echoed in the small space. Suddenly Cas was under him, and smiling a shy, but perfect smile.

Dean couldn't believe that this was happening. Cas was here, and Cas was his. He HAD to be dreaming. It was with a pang that he realized he really was dreaming. If this were real, Cas would never be here, or be his.

But, Dean decided to make the most of the most beautiful person he had ever seen, laying completely naked beneath him. Even if it WAS only a dream.

Cas gave of a cute little gasp as Dean's mouth crashed against his. Dean shuddered as Cas' long fingers dug into his back. "C-Cas?" Dean said shyly. Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair as he replied softly. "Yes Dean?" Dean gulped before saying the one thing that he had wanted to tell the real Cas for years.

"I love you." Cas offered Dean a shy smile and Dean studied his face as a hint of pink lit it up. "I love you too Dean." Dean sighed in relief. Dean's sigh turned into a growl as Cas ran his hand down Dean's back, going lower and lower. Dean gasped in shock as Cas' hand found it's destination.

Cas laughed a gravelly laugh that Dean could listen to forever, before pulling the blanket up over their heads.

When they finally reemerged from under the blanket, Dean's face was a mask of joy, and Cas' face was lit up with bliss. "That was..." Dean began before he trailed off. "I know." Cas said quietly. But just as Dean's arms wrapped around Cas' glowing frame, everything changed.

A whirlwind the color of blood spiraled across Dean's perfect dream, and Cas was ripped away from him. "Cas!" Dean shouted desperately. But Cas was unable to answer as he was carried away on the wind. Dean screamed as the whirlwind swept him up, and he was tossed all around the red vertex.

When the whirlwind finally dropped Dean, he was standing right smack in the middle of an old nightmare that he hadn't seen in years. This nightmare was something that Dean used to dread, but over the years, the event that lead to it had become so faint that Dean could almost pretend that it had happened the way he and John had told Sam it had. 

Dean's tear filled green eyes were locked onto her blood shot brown ones. She was no older than he was, in fact she was 12 minuets younger, but she looked like she was years older. Dean knew her to be a very cheerful person, but the dark circles under her eyes told him that her story lately had not been so bright. Dean tried his best to keep his eyes averted from the scarlet blood that had been forcefully smeared across her mouth, but to no avail.

Dean started as his father's cold words bit into his brain like knives. "Do it Dean." He had said. The tears which Dean was struggling to hold back threatened to spill over as she begged him, "Dean... don't do it. Please don't do it." She wasn't crying, and Dean was not surprised. She was made of tougher stuff than that. His hands were slick with sweat on the leather covered handle of John's revolver. "Dean. Now." John Commanded.

Dean couldn't breathe. Her calm eyes bore into his, as she said in a reasonable tone, the same tone she had used when coaxing Sammy to finish his dinner, "Dean, you don't have to do this, you're better than this." His hands began shaking. He didn't want to do it, but what other choice did he have?  "Dean! Do as I say!" John shouted angry at being disobeyed. Dean flinched, expecting the rough hit that would usually accompany his disobedience. But the hit never came, making Dean realize that John didn't want this either. Not really. But he had asked it to be done, so it had to be done. Slowly as he could, Dean reluctantly slid his index finger to the cold, steel trigger. 

"Dean, you don't have to do what Dad says, you can walk away from this." Her soft and gentle tone did nothing to soften the implication of her words. Did she think he couldn't do it? Did she really think that he was that weak? He wasn't weak, and he meant to tell her that, but what came out instead would tell her just exactly what he had decided to do. "Shut up Alley! Just shut up! I'm not like you! I'm not a weak, insufferable coward! I don't abandon my family when they need me! I didn't take Sammy and run, leaving behind the only other 2 people who cared about me! No, Alley. I can't walk away. I won't walk away. I'm so sorry Sissy, and I hope that you'll forgive me in Heaven, if we make it there. If not, then see you in Hell."

Her brown eyes widened, betraying the first sign of terror. Her voice was pitched overly high as she said, "Dean..." BANG! Dean gasped as the tiny revolver recoiled in his sweaty hands. Dean screamed in anguish as he saw the perfectly round bullet-hole in her forehead. "You had to do it son." John said grimly, ignoring Dean's cries. Dean walked stiffly over to where she layed, rigid as a board. Dean fell to his knees next to her, and let his tears fall freely. Dean, gently as he could manage, cradled her head in his lap. 

Dean then began rocking numbly back and forth. "I'm so sorry Sissy, I had to do it. I'm so sorry." Dean repeatedly whispered to her deaf ears. Dean's whispers slowly got louder as she just layed there, unknowing and uncaring that his very soul felt like it was shattering. John reached a shaking hand over Dean's shoulder and closed the glassy, sightless eyes of his only daughter. "Bye Princess." John whispered faintly. 

Dean's whispers rose to screams of "Sissy wake up! I'm sorry Sissy! Please wake up!" Then he began repeating at the same volume, "Sissy no! Sissy no! Sissy no!" A deep rumbling voice that had never been there before yelled, "Dean wake up!" Dean heard the slightly familiar voice as if from the other end of a long, long tunnel. Dean watched in shock as Alley did something she had never done before. She woke up. "Dean." She said angrily. Dean's screams didn't stop, but his heart nearly did as she stood. The bullet-hole was miraculously gone, and she looked at him with none of the love he remembered seeing in those eyes, even when they were blank and glassy. 

"Dean wake up!" the voice cut in again, sounding closer this time. "Dean," She said to him, some of the old love seeping back into her voice and eyes. "Beany, you've got to wake up. And you can't dream about me anymore okay?" Still screaming, Dean nodded. "There's my good -" 

But her good what, he would never know, for at this moment, Castiel finally succeeded at waking him up. Dean sat up, still screaming her name. Castiel's arms enveloped him instantly. And mere seconds later, Sam's hand clamped onto his shoulder. Tears poured down Dean's face in streams. Great, wracking sobs ripped through Dean's body. "It's okay Dean. Shhhh... You're okay. You're safe, I promise." Castiel's voice soothingly rumbled. Dean shook his head, and burried his face into Castiel's shoulder. 

Mary's voice sounded from somewhere to Dean's right, and she sounded worried. "What's wrong with Dean?" She asked. Dean dug his fingers into Castiel's back as he thought that she wouldn't care if she knew what he had done. Nobody answered Mary.

Castiel tilted his head a bit to the side and asked Sam, "Who is Sissy?" Cas and Sam immediately felt Dean tense. Sam took a moment to gather his thoughts, and then answered slowly, "Sissy is the nickname that Dean had for our sister." Mary nodded and said, "Like how he calls you Sammy." Sam shrugged, "Not exactly. He always called her that because she wasn't a sissy. She was tougher than Dean or I, and we all knew it. I think that calling her Sissy just made him feel better about it, and she never minded much, so he just kept doing it."

Castiel squinted at Sam. "You have a sister?" Sam nodded. "Yes. Well... had a sister..." Castiel tilted his head even further to the side. "Had?" Sam cleared his throat and said, "She died when I was 13. Vamp got her. Dad and Dean saw the whole thing, but couldn't stop it. She was Dean's twin." Castiel's arms tightened even more around Dean as Sam finished.

Miles away, the ground beneath a 23-year-old oak tree began heaving and moving. In a matter of minutes, a girl was crawling out of it. All 6 feet of her stood on the edge of the patch of churned earth, staring up at the light purple sky, just visible through the tree branches. It had been so long since she'd last seen the sky, but just how long, she had no clue.

"Dean," She whispered to the heavens with an edge in her voice. "I'm coming for you brother."

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 2) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

SEB

I'll be happy if I never have to see another fucking Robot Unicorn for the rest of my life...

NICHOLAS

Hey guys! So I am going to send it here so it's easier, but I already LOVE my tribe! Everyone is so sweet and easy to talk to (something that isn't always the case in these games). I am really trying to be super active and friendly and supportive towards people so that they feel like they should keep me around,,,, and i think it's working well since I got added to that fun alliance! I'm working hard for this reward challenge so I can prove my worth to all of these people on my tribe! That's about it for now! xoxoxoxo Nicholas

AMANDA

OK i have found that i hate this unicorn game. Like HATE IT.  I am so over it. everyone seems cool so far. there is some people that i am already kind of nervous  about because they just seem like they are already trying to play games and stuff. IDK but they just have me on edge but oh well. I think i am going to try to become close with them but idk i don't really want to be close with hem bc i don't trust them.

JARED

Honestly I am PISSED I was not put with Daniella or Trysten, and I’m stuck with the damn furry! But this will not bring me down, I am here to WIN and I will do whatever it takes to do that. Right now my goal is to just be social and try my best to talk to everyone, because god knows I do not want to be the first one voted out!

CHRISSA

we won that reward which is cool there's a reason i like that game, I hope we win immunity too so nervous still. I am hoping i am safe if we don't win either though. Voting if we had to, would be so hard.

ELENA

I am so happy that we won reward! I am a little bit confused about what exactly they are able to do at "the summit" but hopefully Dani and Darian will share with us when they get back! So far as tribe relations go, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but I have made a couple of friends it seems in Seb and Darian. I hope to speak with everyone at least once before Immunity challenge is over.

DANI

I WANTED THAT GODDAMN IDOL CLUE! ME! I did! But my freaking Papa Jabari or whatever that dish was called didn't have jack SHIT! Grrrr.... I Didnt even eat that shit it tasted like acc trash! So I'm starving and now I'm stuck on a fucking mountain peak with a furry, someone who plays the victim all the time, a photographer piece of shit who I'm targeting, and a few other assclowns I haven't had the privilege of conversing with. GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

MATT

My lord Seamus got angry over something I called toast. I need to do that more *eyes emoji*

CHRISSA

flag challenges are ugly but I am here for it and the summit twist is cool that's all

JARED

Honestly, I’m mad.  I wanted to go to the summit because I wanted to talk to Daniella… *starts sobbing* I just feel so ALONE! It’s not fair….

TRYSTEN

I'm not going to lie. I feel defeated a little. I just feel like the weakest link, and I'm not going to be surprised if they vote me out.

KENDALL

Okay I just found out newlyf's name, it's Ally. I was right the first time, which is weird because I am usually never right at all. So chances are we are in the Matrix, sorry to shatter your fragile reality :/. Now on to more substantial things: 1. The Reward Challenge Yeah fuck that challenge man. I'm not going to lie, for the first ten minutes it was sort of fun. I like addicting things and the music was pretty good but everything went down hill and it went down hill fast. I still have the bloody song stuck in my head. :( 2. Summit Interesting concept and I like the idea of having an excuse for not being as social. Unfortunately I couldn't jump at the opportunity because that would be stupid. It would put a target on my back if I did, as the possibility of me having an idol would increase. Plus the odds of someone from my group going was very high considering we make up 4/7. And low and behold I was right. Two of the people I trust the most went to the Summit and I got to keep my hands clean. I guess this also means that the idol thing was fake which leads me to say, really guys, really? I stressed out about this.  3. The Immunity Challenge Flag making challenge, I volunteered because nobody else knew how to use photoshop and I am really good at drawing. I'm no Picasso (early Picasso, not late Picasso, I could do that shit) but I think it will work. Not to mention I hate relying on other people because people are gross and that I need to prove myself of some use. If I'm not careful, they'll catch on that I am virtually worthless in most scenarios. Like I wouldn't even be good bait for the wild animals, I taste too much like arsenic.  Anyway that's all folks, I'll be back with more scheming, paranoid ramblings and zombies. Well, maybe not those first two.   

DARIAN

SHIT HIT THE FAN kinda. I got an idol on my first try today. But it wasn't for my tribe... I know..Im sooooo lucky that I find someone else idol. So I was than told that I had 45 min to decide who I was going to give it to. Instantly I had two ideas in my head Keyonjay or Ally. Keyonjay- He clearly is decent in challenges and would be a string partner to attempt to align myself with. He has also agreed that if he finds my idol that he will give it to me. So theres a win win there for me.. maybe Ally- She did really bad in the first challenge and that honestly puts a huge target on her back because she is the easy vote. The team stays strong and no one gets butt hurt. But if she has the idol she can make a move and take out a big player EARLY... Like Keyonjay hahaha. After talking it out with keyonjay and getting his opinions and than a little self reflection I decided to give Keyonjay the idol in hopes that he could be the one to find my idol and maybe even become a strong alliance member!! Ahhhh so stressed!!!!

KEYONJAY

Okay so a couple things. I got the best score on the first challenge out of pure luck. Like just somehow I literally got to like 55k on level two when the previous times i played i couldn't get over 10k on all three levels. Unfortunately we still didn't win which fucking sucks because I didn't wanna go to the goddamn summit at all, but the other tribe chose me because i got the best score apparently. Didn't really wanna be away from my tribe for anything to change with my alliances, and really didn't wanna be put in a position that complicates my game. Ofc immediately that changes because Darian just gave me an idol. like dsfsdsf wtf. I just met the kid. It's really nice though and obviously from my last game I see that you can't abuse people's kindness like that so I'm not gonna use it against him or anything or brag and call him dumb (I'm sorry Mitchy D:) but this definitely complicates things because if I had an idol, I'd rather be the only person that knows about it and now I have to contend with the fact that this idol is basically mine AND Darian's and I have to use it in a way that benefits both of us or risk a pissed off juror. God. DONT GIVE ME IDOLS! I DONT WANT THEM! THEY COMPLICATE THINGS! He wants me to use it on Ally if my tribe loses the first immunity, but hopefully I can protect her and make that not happen regardless, or we can win, which I doubt since it's a flag challenge and I fucking suck at these.

ACE

Alright we got 2nd on the challenge which is decent. And then the next chall is a flag making competition and considering Kendall and Jared know of my abilities hopefully they can leave it up to me. I'm gonna make a wicked gif. Anyways the Summit twist is kinda cool, I got food that gave me an idol clue but it at least told me where NOT to look. I'm probably gonna stick to mountainside since random.org told me to. The Summit is Me and Keyonjay, Matt, Darian, Dani, and Johnny. I already know Dani and Matt, Darian talked with me a bit and they seem alright. They use phone emojis a lot and Im not use to seein those on my computer so its weird a bittttt! Johnny isn't online yet so idk about them just yet. Before I left Jared wanted me to talk to Keyonjay about making an alliance with them. When I heard keyonjay would be at Summit I decided to volunteer myself so I could get the question in. Keyonjay said they were ok with Jared and wanted him to join the alliance with Kendall and Nicholas... uhh no I think we just meant something between us 3 we don't need that big of an alliance even though our tribe is amazing and we'll probably barely lose anybody =') Also Kendall and I sorta already settled Jared as our possible first tribe boot so that'd just make things a bit harder maybe? WHo's even left? Ally and Amanda... that's it rofl also I don't think Ally is Mega anymore lol delete it

JOHNNY

Since joining the game, I’ve found it really difficult to legitimately communicate with people. I can’t help but think a lot of these people are dweebs, who just sit behind the computer all day blogging on tumblr and obsessing over Survivor games online I’m sure, and there’s no way I can compete with no lifes who do nothing but scratch their ballsacks all day. Any who, I do kinda know Dani, who is in the Summit with me right now, and i recognize Jared from a few other games I’ve played, but I’ve yet to approach him yet about the game, but I’m glad I have that in my back pocket. I’ve really gotta start forming some bonds with people, because the conversations I’m having with most of these people are not strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these try hard motherfuckers already have a majority alliance, but all I can do is contribute in challenges and hope for the best since my social game isn’t going to be too strong this early on. I’ve made a bond with Crimson on my team because we have a mutual friend, so hopefully that can take me a long way for now. My plan is to just bond with Matt since he’s the only one from my tribe I can talk to, maybe strike a deal, let him think he can do anything with me in this game, when tbh I’ll probably slit his neck soon enough anyways

tbh I get the very scary feeling that a lot of people know each other in this game, and I honestly don’t have anyone in this game that I can truly rely on like some do, and I’m never going to know who is friends with who. Now I know what it feels like to kinda be a newb in the games I play when I just target the people I don’t know… Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine here

DANI

Darian is getting on my nerves so badly. Like ugh, shut up for like two seconds nobody cares if you're a photographer. 

So Darian's dumbass comes up to me saying Carson/Julia have an idol in the game. Do I believe him? Yeah. Do I not wanna believe him? Yeah... But that's just how the game works. Oh how I wish I had that idol... *licks lips* Oh the things I would do to it... Grrr....

CARSON

Ok so I'm pretty sure Darian just exposed that he has the idol by trying to give me a fake clue. On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > I got a clue to an idol On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > It wasn't much but it's something On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > omg On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Don't search the Forrest On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Or the mountainside On 1/4/17, at 7:27 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > I guess that can be kind of helpful lol So apparently you get clues to the idol at the Summit. Hell, there could even be an idol at the Summit. But regardless he got a clue... but he should have quoted it if it was real. Plus I went to the mountainside already and got THIS: On 1/3/17, at 9:24 PM, carson (tibet host) wrote: > You come to the spot where an idol looks to have been hidden, but there's nothing here! https://media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif He told me not to go to the mountainside because he already went there and got it and he didn't want me to find out its gone! And I guess its safe to say he's working with Dani now, who I also wanted to work with. I would go to her about it, but idk if she'd leak to Darian that I'm onto him. Right now, I'm just going to lay low with this until I need to use it. It sounds to me like Dani, Seb and Elena already know each other, and if Darian goes with them, they'll have majority. I wanted to work with Julia (and by extension Chrissa), but idk if it'll work out. Once again, I don't want to pry at all because no one really has a target yet. There isn't an easy first boot, so one slip up could cost me the game. OK THE PLOT JUST THICKENED Apparently, the Namtso idol is gone... which means all the tribes are searching the same area. So maybe Darian doesn't have it... but he could be protecting someone that does. I mean he's probably in cahoots with the ppl at the summit, And we can find the other tribe's idols. I'm so fucking shook.

JULIA RAE

ok so right now i dont know what im doing bc i dont really play survivor ,,, but i think im doing alright. i talked to everyone and i rly like carson and darian but that just my opinion! also darian told me that he'd be willing to get rid of seb if it came down to it ,,,, which is ok with me idk that dude and he kinda weird ngl! hopefully we win immunity bc if we dont idk what to do!! hehe love survivor!!

TRYSTEN

Holy Shit! I fucking did not expect us to get first, but thank yoouuu Johnny! *blows a kiss to the camera* moi!

CHRISSA

I am so glad we are not going to tribal, fuck the people who said those things lol just kidding it's their opinion honestly we just don't know who will judge and what they will like. it sucks.

DANI

I feel good I feel nice I've never felt so Satisfied I'm in love I'm alive Intoxicated Flying high It feels like a dream When you touch me tenderly I don't know if it's real But I like the way I feel Inside

DARIAN

Yasss we won immunity! No tribal! Which is great because no one really is on the outs rn so no one can really be an easy vote and that's scary! But I don't have to worry about that so yay!

KEYONJAY

So we lost the first immunity challenge and this really sucks, but luckily I'm in the majority alliance and then we kinda have Jared as an extra number even though he's not really IN the alliance or the alliance chat. I still have my idol that nobody knows about so I could make some kind of move if I wanted. Darian wanted me to use it to "take out a power-player" but I'm like, not gonna do that. It's WAY too early to make a big move like that and it would be completely illogical and senseless. It's better to just go with the numbers right now and not rock the boat. Plus I don't really see anyone on our tribe as a power-player necessarily. Kendall is definitely the leader of our alliance but I wanted it that way so I can continue flying UTR and focus on my social game. Now to see who will be the first to go from our tribe. :( Sucks because I really like everybody.

MATT

Well damn. Johnny is actually the MVP for this one. We can literally just relax and pretend like we give a shit about who's leaving only because it's none of us lmao.

ACE

I'm sad we lost, I like everybody on this tribe. I don't feel like bringing Jared down just yet, I brought up that Ally had the lowest score on the Reward challenge so we could possibly just go with her. Everyone in the Mofos alliance said they wanna keep me and Kendall for doing good work in the challenge but we'll see about that. I think I'm good with mostly everybody except for Amanda and Ally. I just spoke to Amanda and she said she'll vote Ally bc they haven't spoken at allll. Amanda doesn't seem to be in any alliance whatsoever. Kendall is a strong leader in the Mofos and I like that she's more leading than I am even tho I'm the one who suggested Ally. Hopefully that'll keep the target more on her than me later on in the game. Kendall just told me Keyonjay gave her an idol clue and it's the same one I got. So that didn't help any. I guess I gotta continue filling up that mountainside grid.

ELENA

I am so happy that we aren't going to Tribal Council because I really like everyone on our tribe right now! It will be sad if we lose any time soon because they are all just very nice and interesting people. I am so greatful for Carson for doing the most of the work on the flag, I do wish he had somehow incorporated the Yaks since I did the research on Tibet, it felt like my idea was ignored a little bit. But what matters the most is that it was a very good outcome! I can't wait for the next challenge!!

KENDALL

Welp, I might have fucked myself. Why did I volunteer? Why did I think that combining two mediums is a good idea? Dear lord, what have I done? Well anyway, here's a quick recap: Ace and Keyonjay went to the summit and when they came back Keyonjay told me he had an idol clue. He gave it to me because he really didn't want an idol, apparently they are more trouble than there worth. Ace didn't tell me anything about the summit and only talked about making the flag. She only brought it up when I revealed my idol clue. This proves to me that my loyalties should lie more with Keyonjay than Ace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway after we lost the challenge I typed in the alliance chat "well at least we know it's either me or Ace". I meant it as a joke but they freaked out and thought I was pulling a Zane. I managed to clear up the misconception but I am still not sure if they still doubt me. In order to repair some sort of relationship with her, I showed Ace the idol clue which was the same clue she got. And now I'm nervous maybe she will show receipts of the conversation to Keyonjay and shift the target on to me. It wouldn't be too difficult, I'm a bit of an unusual person to talk to and I mostly hogged the challenge that we failed. Though chances are I'm being irrational so I'm not going to risk it. If I do start panicking and try to get my alliance mates out, I'll end up putting the target on my back that I've been trying to avoid. God I hate feeling fear, it's very gross. Well, all feelings are gross... it's just this one is inconveniencing me the most currently.

#wostibet #confessionals