Tumgik
#i feel like the only thing that’s changed is i have long hair 😬
Text
Part 3 of the Steddie Vegas AU!! Is it okay if this is a weekly thing? I know most of it is already written but it's finding time to edit it 😬 this summer is killing me istg
Part 1 --- Part 2
Steve awoke groggily sometime later to a sleep-rumpled Robin telling him they needed to get ready because they were being picked up in half an hour. Directing a confused frown at his best friend, Steve searched his mind for an answer, being picked up…?
It took a second for the past few hours to finally filter through but as soon as thoughts of Eddie flooded his mind, Steve's face slowly split into a sunny grin. He couldn't help it, no matter how much Robin scoffed and rolled her eyes, the butterflies taking flight in his stomach made him feel giddy.
He hadn't been this excited to see someone in a long time! Jumping up, he took his best outfit out of the wardrobe heading toward the bathroom to get changed and start taming his hair; kissing Robin playfully on the cheek and humming a merry tune as he practically skipped by her.
Robin tutted and rolled her eyes at him through the mirror above the desk, "Stop! God, you're gross when you're in love," she grumbled.
Steve laughed, "That's alright, so are you," he teased, pulling products out of his toiletries bag onto the side by the sink.
Robin scoffed, "I'm not in love!"
Steve's eyebrows jumped up sceptically, "No? That's not what you said at the cafe," he countered.
He heard more than saw her slam something on the desktop, "When did I say I was in love?" she squawked indignantly.
Steve's eyebrows furrowed at himself in the mirror as he thought back to that morning, "When me and Eddie arrived?"
She snapped the lid of something and snorted decisively, "I didn't say anything!"
"I know!" Steve agreed because she hadn't said anything, she didn't have to.
Robin sighed heavily, "How did I say it then?!" she retorted.
"With your eyes!" he shrieked, rolling his own in exasperation.
Robin huffed out a laugh, "Oh my god, Evie! You're such an idiot! Now shut the fuck up before I ruin my eyeliner!"
Steve did as he was told, pumping serum into his hands and smoothing it into his hair; running his own fingers over his scalp didn't have the same enjoyment now he knew what it was to have Eddie run his hands through his hair. He sighed wistfully, how do I miss him so much already?
Shaking his head to clear it in the hopes of not letting his thoughts run away with him, he rinsed his hands before poking his head around the doorway to check Robin was done with the pencil.
"So you don't like Chrissy then?" he asked curiously, leaning back into the mirror to check for stray eyebrows.
Robin let out a prolonged groan, "I never said that!"
Humming in understanding, he yanked out a hair with the tweezers, "You're just not in-love?" he clarified.
"Duh! I've known her a day!" she insisted, sighing heavily.
Steve chuckled, swapping the tweezers for a blob of moisturiser, "I've only known Eddie a day!" he argued, rubbing the cream gently into his skin.
She whined huffily, "Yeah but you're different! You're all…" Steve could practically hear her wafting her hands around.
He knew she didn't mean anything by it and he tried not to be offended but his voice came out all squawky anyway, "I'm all what?" he wanted to know, popping his head back around the doorframe.
Robin puffed out a frustrated breath, opening and closing her mouth a few times before settling on, "Romantic?"
Steve rolled his eyes, leaning back into the mirror checking for imperfections, "Why'd you say that like it's a bad thing?" he asked, his tone not as neutral as he'd like it to be.
"I didn't!" she argued with a sigh, "It's just… that's not me. I'm more…" she lamented, and whimpered, unable to find the words.
Steve flicked on the tap, washing the cream off his fingers, catching sight of his wedding ring and smiling softly to himself. Okay, maybe she has a point!
"Reserved?" Steve suggested the word having popped unbidden into his head.
"Exactly!" Robin agreed.
Steve smiled fondly to himself, a reserved Robin was nothing new, but neither was her denying the strength of her emotions. What was new was the way she was with Chrissy but maybe that wasn't as good as he'd first thought, "But you had a good time with her?" he checked.
Robin made a giddy little squealy sound in the back of her throat, "Oh my god, Steve! I had the best time! She's amazing! Did you know she's a three times cheer champion? And she won gold in the regional gymnastics championships! Do you know what that means?!"
He had no idea what that meant, Robin couldn't care less for sports, or medals, or winning things, "That she's incredibly flexible?" he guessed, only half joking, stepping away from the mirror to get changed.
Robin huffed exasperatedly, "No! I mean yes but not what I meant!" she grumbled.
Steve was halfway through changing into his jeans when he paused to think about it for a second, standing abruptly as it hit him, "Oh! Oh, you like a jock! Robin Bobbin Buckley! You like jocks!" he taunted jovially.
Robin tutted, "Shut up! You've married a dork!" she grouched.
He couldn't stop the little giggle crawling up his throat at the thought of being married, at some point it'd stopped being scary and just started feeling exciting.
"We already knew I was into dorks! This is brand-new information! Have you ever dated a jock before?" he wondered aloud, bending back down to finish pulling on his jeans. He knew none of the girls she'd dated while he'd been around had been but she'd never really mentioned a high school love life.
"No!" she whined, sounding unsure and a little upset.
"Aww Bobs, don't worry. If it helps we're very easy to please," he told her, trying his best to be reassuring, "Plus, I don't think you've got anything to worry about, she seems pretty obsessed with you!" he added absentmindedly as he pulled on his shirt, concentrating on doing up the buttons.
Robin let out a hopeful little whine, "You think?"
Steve stopped what he was doing to huff a gentle laugh, thinking about how Chrissy had barely been able to keep her eyes or hands off his best friend, the way Eddie had found it adorable; it seemed Chrissy's attraction was obvious to everyone but Robin, "Yeah, I do yeah," he assured her gently.
She hummed softly and then went quiet, deep in thought and smiling to herself as she ran a brush absentmindedly through her hair, pretending she wasn't when she caught Steve sneaking a glance around the doorframe.
Steve popped back into the bathroom before he ended up with a hairbrush launched at him, chuckling as he twirled a stray strand of hair around his finger, that particular one always had a mind of its own.
At least chatting with Robin had somewhat calmed the jitters he was feeling! Just the thought of Eddie on the other side of the door, looking all pretty and wanting Steve to get involved in something that was important to him was making him want to jump up and down, or dance a jig, or maybe both at once.
He'd never had that before, someone who'd wanted to include him in their recreational activities. Nancy had thought him too stupid to help her with her journalism and decided for him that he'd find the library too boring, without ever actually bothering to ask him. He was never invited to hang out with her friends or to join her study groups, he was pretty sure he was only there to bolster her social standing at school and to keep her folks off of her back.
He and Billy shared a love of basketball but other than school sports, he was never invited to do anything other than "dates" with him, which usually turned out just to be an excuse to hook up. But Steve was certain Eddie had known from the look on his face that he had no idea who they were going to see, Steve wasn't even sure whether they were going to see a singer or a band, but Eddie had still wanted him to come anyway, was on his way over to share this experience with him. Steve couldn't wait!
He was just doing a final mirror check when Robin asked, "You want eyeliner, Dingus?"
Steve wandered out of the bathroom, smoothing down the front of his shirt, smiling to himself when he saw Robin was wearing the dark plaid shirt that was now hers but had once upon a time belonged to him. "Do I need eyeliner?" he asked curiously, he was never sure whether it did anything for him.
Robin stared bug-eyed at him through the mirror, then whipped around to stare directly at him, "what the fuck are you wearing?" she squawked.
Steve looked down at his outfit and then back to Robin with a confused frown. He loved this shirt! El had chosen it for him the last time she and Hop came to visit, short-sleeved and paisley in colours that really complemented his complexion. Pairing it with his favourite pale blue jeans that hugged his arse perfectly was a no-brainer and he always wore his trusty Nike's, surely she knew that by now.
Robin tugged on her hair trying to dampen her frustration, "Holy crap! Evie! You absolutely cannot wear that tonight!" she yelled. 
He knew she wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, she just had no filter when she was overstimulated, didn't make it sting any less though; on a normal outing, she wouldn't even bother to glance in his direction, she'd just tell him he looked hot (mainly, so they could make it out the door before Steve went back to his wardrobe to change, and the day was officially over) and off they'd go, but apparently not for one of the most important dates of Steve's life.
"I look fine!" he muttered indignantly, just for the sake of it because now he felt the need to be grumpy. He wanted Eddie to think he was pretty and he didn't bring anything else that made him feel as good as his SuperEl shirt did, or it had before Robin said that.
Robin rolled her eyes exasperatedly, "You're dressed like my dad!" she exclaimed, eyes going wide and immediately covering her mouth with both hands in shock. Clearly she hadn't meant to let that thought out!
Steve gasped involuntarily, and Robin immediately tried to backtrack, muffling an apology through the hands that were still clamped over her mouth.
There were only so many places to sulk off to when sharing a hotel room with your supposed best friend and honestly he really didn't want to hear it! Eddie would be here any second and now he felt like crap. He flopped face down on his bed determined to never move again, what was the point when your nicest outfit apparently means you're dressed like a pensioner.
Steve heard more than saw Robin turn back to the mirror, her hands landing heavily on the desktop, she sucked in a deep breath then jumped up, pacing in the small space; Steve could picture her wringing her hands as she moved around the room.
She was letting him mope because it was better to get it over with, that way he could change before the others arrived, which would be any second and she really thought it best for everyone involved if Eddie didn't see that monstrosity of a shirt just yet because he might be obsessed with Steve but the shirt was horrendous!
What Robin never seemed to realise was that she had this tendency to mutter her thoughts to herself aloud, especially when she was stressed. Steve rolled his eyes to himself and sighed, he thought Eddie would like the shirt, even if she didn't.
Robin sighed heavily, "You know I love you Steve, but you absolutely cannot go to this concert dressed like my dad!" And of course, Robin had to be shouting that just as there was a knock at the door! Steve groaned loudly and dragged himself up to answer it. 
He couldn't just leave them standing in the hallway! Robin said he was a perpetual people pleaser, said it had something to do with being left too young, that he'd learned the best way to get his parent's attention or approval or whatever was to be well-behaved. He didn't know if that was true or if he just enjoyed making people happy. Right now he was just battling with wanting to see Eddie and maybe getting a hug and wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 
Steve hid himself behind the door as he opened it, only letting them see Robin, just while he gathered the last of his courage. Not that she gave him much of a chance to do that when she immediately screeched, "Eddie, tell him he can't go out like that!"
Eddie said nothing as the door slid shut behind him and Chrissy but it was obvious they were both trying their hardest not to laugh, at Steve or at their bickering Steve didn't know, but even though Eddie was physically biting his lip, his dimples were still poking through.
"Eds?" Steve whimpered pathetically.
And Eddie, sweet, wonderful Eddie, smiled his warmest smile, took Steve's hands into his own to stop him scrunching in on himself, and told him "You look beautiful, sweetheart!" humming and grinning in return when Steve preened. "Perhaps you could wear that when I take you out to dinner instead?" he suggested, cheekily waggling his eyebrows, making Steve feel all blushy and bashful.
He knew Eddie would like the shirt! Robin may be the brains of their pairing but her ideas of fashion left something to be desired. 
Steve wanted to snark at Robin about it but that was when he noticed Eddie was wearing eyeliner! And at least three necklaces, a leather one with a pick dangling from it and two different chains. A black t-shirt with an indistinct pattern because the fabric had been slashed as though he'd had a fight with a wolf or a tiger. Black jeans that were so tight they might as well have been painted on with chains and studs and safety pins attached with Docs and a leather jacket.
Is it warm in here or is it me?
Eddie had his head tilted, surveying Steve from head to toe, contemplatively he said, "Maybe if we just... come with me," he urged, tugging on Steve's hands, pulling him out of the room, leaving the girls behind. 
Eddie dragged him into a joyful skip to the end of the corridor, straight up the stairs, taking two at a time. Two floors wasn't far but it'd been a while since Steve had kept up with his fitness regime, so he was huffing and puffing. Coach would be so disappointed! 
Eddie just grinned at him fondly, told him, "You do look beautiful, Sweetheart, if it were up to me, we'd cancel the concert and I'd take you to dinner instead, but we can wait, can't we?" he asked, with such sincerity in his voice, and not nearly out of breath enough for Steve's level of embarrassment.
All Steve could do was nod, he couldn't speak even if he wanted to, and he did, he wanted to tell Eddie that of course they could wait, that he didn't want Eddie to miss his concert, that he too looked incredible but Eddie was happily tugging him down a corridor, unlocking one of the many doors and shoving Steve straight into their room.
A feeling of awe swept over Steve as he skidded to a halt, standing shellshocked just inside the door, because Steve'd thought his and Robin's room was nice but Eddie and Chrissy had a suite and it was fucking gorgeous! 
The door opened straight into a living space, a beautiful kitchenette with dark wood counters and a marble worktop, chocolate leather sofas and dark furniture and gold furnishings in front of floor-to-ceiling windows. And the view! Wow! 
The Strip lights were vibrant even against the setting sun, even though it wouldn't be long before she tucked herself behind the mountains for the night, Steve had this absent thought appear in the back of his mind that he hoped he and Eddie would have time to stop and just sit and watch it set together before they had to head back to Indy. Eddie squeezed his hand, smiling so affectionately at him, as though maybe he was sharing the same hope, before gently drawing him through one of the open doors that led into a bedroom.
The bed was huge with neatly made golden-coloured sheets, the decor just as ornate as the main room had been. Not even the mass amount of clothing covering the expanse of the room could make it look any less magnificent, if anything, the touch of Eddie just made it all the more beguiling. Steve just sort've stood there in wonder, taking in the space and watching as Eddie rifled through the wardrobe, finally coming out with a hanger that held what was once a black t-shirt with an "ah ha!"
The shirt was at least two sizes too big for either of them and had had the sleeves completely removed all the way down to the waist. Steve couldn't even call it a vest because he wasn't sure there was enough fabric left to be classed as one, convinced one of Robin's camisoles (that he'd once used as a windscreen chamois and got yelled at for) would cover more, and although it wasn't his usual style he liked it.
He definitely liked it more than the unsure smile Eddie was now shooting him, Steve grinned his brightest grin as he reached a hand out for the garment, making sure to fully appreciate the way Eddie’s breath hitched before his smile grew until it nearly split his face in two. Steve was expecting Eddie to just pass him the top so he could get changed, what he wasn't expecting was Eddie pulling him into his arms, trapping the fabric between them, Eddie cupping his jaw, gently caressing his cheek with his thumb.
It was his turn for his breath to hitch, Steve had seen pretty eyes before, but none of them held a candle to Eddie's; rich coffee coloured, lightening towards the pupil like the growth rings of a tree and speckled with gem coloured glitter that shined like diamonds, so expressive and full of life, he wished he could spend the rest of forever looking into them. 
As close as he was he could see the crinkles in the corner of his eyes as he smiled affectionately at Steve, then Eddie was glancing purposefully at his lips, practically begging Steve to lean in and who was Steve to refuse? 
He let his eyes flutter shut as soon as Eddie’s plush lips touched his own, as they both sucked in a breath neither of them realised they'd been holding out on taking as they melted into one another.
Steve had never been handled so delicately as he was by Eddie, with gentle caresses and soft kisses; the girls he'd been with always expected him to be the one to treat them gently and the guys, well it was obvious they were after one thing and getting there the fastest way possible but Eddie kissed him like they had all the time in the world, like all he wanted to do was just be here in this moment with him and Steve couldn't get enough.
They were interrupted, far too quickly in his opinion, by their best friends, standing in the doorway to Eddie's bedroom with their arms folded and matching raised eyebrows to go with their "ahem!" Robin couldn't keep up the ruse though, laughing at the guilty look on his face, even as Eddie pressed his forehead to Steve's unwilling to separate, glaring daggers at Chris while she laughed along with Robin.
Steve kissed Eddie on the corner of his mouth, reluctantly stepping out of his grasp, shooing the three of them away with a promise to get changed. Eddie stepped away only to scuttle back over to kiss Steve tenderly on the cheek, Chrissy calling for him exasperatedly from the living space. Eddie chuckled, chasing after his best friend with a "I'm coming!" leaving Steve alone in Eddie's bedroom. 
He took a minute just to centre himself, taking a deep breath to slow his beating heart, wondering how on earth they'd ever function when they had normal every day things to do like get to work on time. 
Steve could hear Robin getting antsy about being late and quickly started on the buttons of his SuperEl shirt, throwing on Eddie's top and heading for the door; an anxious Robin was not something he wanted to induce by dawdling.
But just as Steve was about to leave the bedroom, he could hear Chrissy teasing Eddie, "I can't wait to tell Gare! Jeff's gonna lose his shit, they were already pissed that they couldn't come with us! When they find out you almost missed the concert of the century for a boy! Minds will be blown!"
Eddie muttered something in response that Steve couldn't hear but both girls gasped audiably.
"Really?" Robin asked softly, something really hopeful in her tone, and Steve wasn't sure if Eddie replied verbally but he could see him nodding and Robin grinning as he finally left the bedroom.
"How do I look?" Steve asked bashfully, fully getting to enjoy the way Eddie's eyes darkened as he spun around to face Steve.
"Wow!" Chrissy complimented.
"Evie!" Robin breathed.
"Um, uh, looks- it looks great! You look great, just needs a little..." Eddie mumbled, trying hard for nonchalance and missing by a mile. He swooped forward and started adjusting the safety pins at Steve's hips, he'd originally assumed they were an aesthetic thing but as the fabric tightened the whole top seemed to settle better. "Of course, you're skinnier than me!" Eddie grumbled as he fixed the shirt in place, stepping back to admire his work.
With the bottom of the fabric tight around his hips, it draped loosely off his shoulders, the excess swinging freely around the pockets of his jeans, the round neck showing off the v of his pecks, the straps just barely covering his nipples. It was sort've... freeing.
No one said anything for a few moments, the three of them just stood staring at Steve, it was really disconcerting and it didn't help that he couldn't really decipher the look on any of their faces. Robin was the easiest to work out, she just looked bemused like something was missing, she pulled that very same face when she was trying to write a shopping list. Chrissy looked kinda impressed, like the difference between the two tops was that surprising. And Eddie had the same abstracted look he'd had back in the waffle house, like he was in a world of his own.
"Eyeliner!" Robin blurted, snapping everyone's attention to her as she handed Eddie a black pencil.
Eddie blinked rapidly before taking it from her and stepping back into Steve's space, gently forcing his eyes closed with his fingertips. Applying the makeup with practised ease and rubbing his thumbs gingerly over the lines he'd created.
When Steve next opened his eyes, all three of them were full on, jaws dropped, gawping at him. A shiver ran up his spine, causing goosebumps to break out and all the little hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. It wasn't like Steve wasn't used to the attention, he was Prom King, he'd been hit on and chatted up and propositioned in every club he'd ever stepped foot in, hell he'd been called pretty for as long as he could remember, but the look in Eddie's eyes was so intense Steve felt almost pinned by his gaze.
"That's just not fair," Robin whispered to herself.
"We should go!" Chrissy decided, grabbing hold of Robin and Eddie and physically herding them out the front door.
Steve took a moment to just shake himself off, he wasn't an idiot he knew he was attractive but he'd never felt that before, although feeling new things just seemed to be a reoccurring theme since he'd met Eddie. Then he heard Chrissy call his name from the hallway, his legs kicking back into action leaving the suite and following her to the lift, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror at the back and having to do a double take.
Because holy fuck! He looked hot! Like really Hot! Like HOT! And it wasn't like he was the only one, he took a look at the four of them in the mirror and holy shit! Together they looked incredible! They looked like something you'd see on the cover of a magazine, or like a band on a red carpet, or like the leads in that vampire movie with that handsome bloke from that show.
Eddie with his slashed band tee, his leather and chains, Chris in her little black dress and thigh-high boots, Robin head to toe in black with her trademark dark plaid, and him in a skimpy bit of black fabric, showing off muscles and moles and chest hair.
It wasn't a look any of them could get away with in Hawkins, they’d be branded Satanists before they ever had a chance to so much as smile, but Vegas was special and as the four of them stepped out of the elevator into the lobby, they just looked like they belonged, not just on The Strip but together.
Part 4
------------------------
tag list @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @adhdsummer @newtstabber @nerdfighteratheart @anaibis just lmk if you want removing
152 notes · View notes
nyxlaufeyson · 1 year
Note
I have a one shot request? 😬
Loki and y/n live in the avengers tower, they’ve been getting closer in the last few months. Y/n is a tough nut to crack and doesn’t like to be vulnerable with people till one day Loki finds her asleep in the library, a book on Norse mythology resting on her chest…
Oneshot Masterlist - Main Masterlist
MY FIRST REQUEST GUYS AHHH!!! I hope I wrote this somewhat to what you imagined, great idea!!!
POV: Second
SYNOPSIS: You have been living in the Avengers tower, curtsey of your uncle Tony, and have been becoming closer and closer with Loki. One day, he finds you asleep in the library with a book on Norse Mythology lying on your chest.
TYPE: Fluffy fluff, maybe a lil tiny bit of angst if you squint
WORDCOUNT: 1,890
TW: Light mentions of not-good parental figures but not really super relavent to the story
~~~~~
You had been living in the Avengers tower for several months now. Your parents weren’t the best role models in your life, so when you decided to move to New York and started looking for your own place, your uncle Tony offered for you to stay in the tower. 
You had gotten along with everyone, quickly establishing friendships with everyone. You even managed to befriend Loki, as he was staying at the tower since he was forced to help the Avengers to repay for his crimes. 
You always seemed to wear a smile on your face, despite the never-ending college assignments your professors seemed to give you. 
You and Loki had been getting closer the past few months, and you were one of the only people he would enjoy talking to in the tower. Sure, he enjoyed pestering the others, but he didn’t mind having a simple conversation with you. 
Despite your appearance as an open-book, Loki noticed that there was more to you than it seemed. 
He noticed how you would sometimes overwork yourself as a distraction from reality. He picked up on the way you seemed to deflect certain questions, and the way you managed to change the subject of a conversation.
Of course, he didn’t just notice the bad. He noticed the good things too. He noticed the days when you decided to do something with your appearance, whether it be fixing your hair or doing your makeup. 
Not that you needed any of this to be beautiful, he knew that. You just appreciated that someone noticed when you did these things, and it made you giddy whenever Loki would compliment your eyeliner or hairstyle. 
Just the little compliments and gestures of kindness Loki would give you made you fall head over heels for him. Of course, you doubted he would feel the same. 
You weren’t very experienced with romantic feelings, so you hoped they would eventually go away. However, as the days passed by, your feelings built up and became more complex. 
Loki also seemed to develop some feelings that were unfamiliar to him. At first, he mistook it as friendly love, as he had not had many true friends before, but he began to realize that it wasn’t just friendship sprawling in his heart. 
Unfortunately, you struggled at expressing your feelings. You weren’t used to a lot of affection. In fact, when you first moved to the tower, it took a while to get used to people checking in on you. 
Due to this, Loki wasn’t sure how you felt about him. He was happy just to have you as a friend, but inside he longed for something more. Something more than the friendship you already shared. 
~~~~~
“Stark, have you seen Y/n?” Loki asked, walking through the living room. He had looked in your room, but you weren’t there. He wanted to return a book you had lended him. 
Tony scratched his head before answering. “Uh, no. I do remember she said something about studying though… Maybe check the library?” Loki nodded in thanks and started towards the library. 
“Y/n? Are you in here?” Loki called, walking towards the middle of the library where you two would often lounge on the couches, reading with each other for hours. 
He smiled as he found you lying fast asleep on one of the couches, strands of hair resting on your face and a book pages-up on your chest. 
Loki brushed some of the loose strands of hair behind your ear, enjoying the way you looked when you slept. You found it embarrassing, but he couldn’t help but think it was cute. 
Conjuring up a bookmark, Loki grabbed the book and marked your page before closing it. 
His eyes skimmed over the cover, and then he went back and reread it, breath hitching. 
Norse Mythology 
You hadn’t told him you had been reading up on Norse mythology, and Loki decided to flip through some of the pages. 
He smiled at the illustrations of Asgard and the rainbow bridge leading up to it. He flipped through some more, sitting down on a nearby couch and losing himself in the pages. But don’t worry, he made sure to keep the bookmark marking your spot in place. 
After who knows how long, you stirred to the sounds of pages flipping. Your eyes slowly fluttered open and you looked around, realizing you were in the library. 
You gradually sat up, realizing Loki was across from you. He looked up from his book, smiling as you rubbed your eyes. 
“Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.” He said, and you blushed slightly with a chuckle. 
“What time is it?” You asked, not sure how long you had been asleep for. “It’s eight in the evening.” Loki responded, and your eyes widened slightly. 
“Damn…” You muttered, surprised. “I slept for 4 hours.” Loki nodded, flipping a page. The sounds of his book made you remember your own, patting around the couch for the book. 
You looked around, confused when you couldn’t find it. You could have sworn that the last thing you were doing was reading your book on Norse mythology. 
Loki smirked as he watched you look around, and you finally caught his eye, glancing down as he showed you the cover of the book he was reading. “Looking for something?” He asked, holding up your book. 
Heat rushed to your face as you quickly stood up, running over to him. “Give it back!” You whined, but Loki stood up and held the book above your head, leaving you trying to jump and grab it. 
“Come on Loki…” You pleaded, but Loki still held the book, smiling down at you. “You didn’t tell me you were studying Norse Mythology, love.” 
You sighed, knowing it was no use to try to reach the book, and flopped down on the couch. Loki finally handed your book back to you and sat next to you, and you were happy to see that your page was marked. 
“What class is this for?” He asked, and your face turned red, yet again. “Uhm… History. We had an, erm... Religion paper.” You lied, and Loki raised his eyebrow. 
“While it is amusing to watch you try to lie to me, I would like to know the truth.” You hugged your knees to your chest and buried your face in them, trying to get out of the situation. 
Loki gently pulled your head back, moving your gaze to his. “Darling?” He asked, and you huffed, giving up. “It wasn’t for school.” You admitted, embarrassed. 
His face lit up, and he tilted his head. “That means that-” He started, but you interrupted him. “Yes, I read it on my own, okay? I just wanted to know more about you.” 
You averted his gaze, and he chuckled. You began to worry that he was going to make fun of you, but you were wrong. “Well dear, you could have just asked.” He said, and you once again met his gaze. 
“I didn’t want you to make fun of me.” You confessed, fumbling with one of the buttons of your shirt. Loki chuckled again, grabbing one of your hands and taking it in his. “Darling, I would never make fun of you.” 
You felt the sincerity of his words, and gave him a soft smile. “Really?” You asked, and he nodded. “Really.” 
You and Loki sat there for a minute, hand in hand, basking in the silence. Your breath picked up as he brushed a strand of hair and tucked it behind your ear, causing your face to flush. 
Loki noticed, chuckling. “My my, it really doesn’t take much for you to get all worked up, does it dear?” You grabbed a pillow from the couch and slapped him with it. “Oh, shut up!” You said, laughing as he fell back onto the couch from the pillow slap. 
You continued assaulting him with the pillow, eventually ending up on top of him as the pillow fell to the floor, leaving you two face-to-face in a rather intimate position. 
Your heart had nearly exploded, realizing that your lips were mere inches away from Loki’s.
Loki’s heart rate also sped up, watching you as you bit your lip and your cheeks became that familiar shade of pink. 
Without thinking, he pulled your head down and kissed you softly on the lips, and then pressed his forehead against yours. 
Your eyes widened after the kiss, and Loki quickly pulled away with a worried look on his face. He was about to say something, but then you pulled your head back down, colliding once more with Loki’s lips. 
This kiss was more heated, proving how long both of you had waited for this moment. His tongue found yours, enwrapping it. Eventually you had to force yourself to come up for air, mesmerized in the moment. 
“Wow.” You breathed, processing what just happened. Loki caught his own breath, relieved that you hadn’t stormed out of the room yet. 
“Wow indeed.” He chuckled, sporting a blush of his own. 
“I was not expecting that.” You said, shaking your head, still finding it hard to believe. Loki shrugged. “I have a tendency to be sporadic.” You laughed at his comment, letting your body rest on his. 
“What does this mean?” You asked, head leaning on his chest. Loki smiled, stroking your hair with his hand. “It means, darling, that next time you want to learn more about me, you can come straight to me.”
You buried your face into his chest, causing him to laugh. “Don’t be embarrassed, I find it adorable that you want to learn more about me.” 
You brought your head up, remembering something you had read in the book. “Well, I do have one question.” 
Loki nodded for you to continue, and you hesitated before asking him. “Is it really true that you birthed a horse?” You asked, causing him to laugh.
“No. That was an illusion, which made for an excellent prank. Especially if it made it into your Midguardian books.” He said, and you laughed. 
“What did Thor say?” You asked, finding it hard to imagine Thor seeing Loki give birth to a horse. 
“Oh, he didn’t say anything. He screamed and then went to get Mother.” Loki said, smiling, still playing with your hair. 
“Yeah. He would do that, wouldn’t he?” You chuckled, and Loki nodded. “It was hilarious. Frandal made fun of him for screaming so loud for a whole month after. Rumor has it the entire realm could hear.”
You snorted, not even beginning to imagine the ears that must have broken from Thor’s scream. After all, he was the god of thunder.
“Now, how about we get you some dinner?” You nodded, recognizing that you were hungry, and Loki picked you up bridal-style, carrying you to the elevator. 
“Loki, put me down!” You squealed, grabbing ahold of his neck. He continued to carry you, pressing the button of the elevator to call it down. 
“We can’t let the princess tire herself from walking when her prince can carry her instead now dear, can we?” You blushed and playfully slapped him on the arm. 
The elevator dinged, and the doors opened, revealing one very surprised-and-pissed-looking Tony Stark, glaring at you and Loki. 
“What the fu-”
~~~~~ I really hope you liked this! Have a great day everyone!
163 notes · View notes
povlvr · 2 years
Text
5 • Operation: Charity Gala ... A Rescue Mission & Performance Review | OPERATION: FAKING IT ...?
Tumblr media
5 • Operation: Charity Gala … A Rescue Mission & Performance Review | OPERATION: FAKING IT …?
Description: The morning after the night before, how will things change between you & Bucky, will the sexual tension finally be resolved or will you slip out of Bucky's grasp before he's even told you he loves you?
Pairing: Beefy Bucky Barnes x Female Avenger Reader
Word Count: 10k 😬
Warnings: NSFW, angst, abduction, guns, worried Bucky, Cute Bucky, Fluffy Bucky, Bucky with children, swearing, all the smut, p in v, unprotected, oral sex (M + F), public sex, Daddy kink (only twice), mentions of choking, unprotected sex.
A/N: One more chapter left after this, thank you for all the comments & likes on this, this does have the D-Word kink but I kept it down to a minimum but beefy Bucky kind of embodies it.
Series Masterlist
[Previous Chapter] [Final Chapter]
A firm set of lips on your neck pulled you from your sleep, you were entirely warm, wrapped in a pair of strong arms, one noticeably cooler than the other. It didn’t take long for the smile to spread on your face as you heard Bucky’s gravelly morning voice.
‘Morning Sweetheart’
‘Morning.’ 
You giggled as he held you tighter & peppered you with kisses anywhere his lips could reach, this was heaven & the best hangover cure you’d ever had.
‘How you feeling? There’s some water & adville there for you.’
‘Hmmm the kisses are helping, you do take good care of me Bucky Bear.’
‘Always.’
‘What time is it? Should we get some breakfast? There’s a place near my apartment that would fix us up good & proper.’
With a kiss to the back of your neck he let out a long sigh, ‘Fury called, I have to go on a mission. Quick & easy, they don’t have anyone else that can speak 30 languages on call, so it has to be me.’
‘Oh, ok.’ You were disappointed, you wanted to spend every waking minute with him & then every minute of sleep in his arms, maybe your co-dependence with each other might need to be worked on if the thought of being away from him for a few hours was making you miserable & the temptation to beg Fury to let you join him overwhelming. You twisted around so you were facing him, like always he cradled you head in his hands running his thumb over your pout.
‘Don’t sulk darlin’, I’ll be back tonight & I plan on taking you on that date. Can’t waste another minute with my pretty girl.’
You nodded & leaned in for a kiss, another scorcher to add to the growing list, hungry yet tender, as he pulled away he wanted to make sure last night wasn’t some sick twisted dream that his fucked-up brain fabricated, ‘you still my girl?’
‘Always.’ You ran your hand through his hair, maybe he needed as much reassurance as you did that this whole thing was real.
His lips were back on yours whilst he spoke, ‘Gonna miss you, told Burtie to keep you safe.’
You giggled at him being such a teddy bear.
‘I’ll be fine, probably get some actual work done without ya.’ Your finger crawled up his chest as you said it, his lips moved straight to your neck, you were practically humping him as he did it. Nick Fury you motherfucking cock blocker.
‘Not my fault I’m irresistible Bambi.’
‘Hmm, guess not. What time you goin’?’
‘Now darlin, just wanted a kiss before I left.’
‘Ok, be safe & come home to me.’
You attached yourself to him, arms crossed around his neck, legs crossed around his back & your lips locked to his, he had rolled you over on your back & you could feel his whole length rutting against you.
‘You make it hard to leave darlin’, I’ll be home before you know it.’
‘Ok’ you wanted to say you loved him but instead you watched him get out of bed, try to tuck his very impressive erection into his tactical pants & with one final kiss leave you for the mission. This sucks.
You had been keeping Bucky updated on what you had been doing all morning, turns out he was as much of a distraction over texts as he was in your lab, not that you were complaining. You had caught up with Thor & Scott over breakfast about the rest of their nights after you & Bucky went to bed, apparently Nat gave Steve a lap dance after Scott dared her & you were told there was a recording which included a very red Steve & a very obvious Steve junior making an appearance once it was over. The re-enactment by Thor had you crying laughing, who knew he had such snake hips, Jane was a lucky lady. You of course updated Bucky with the story & promised to forward the video once you were in possession, he immediately reassured you it was to see Steve’s face not Natasha’s dance, like he knew the thought would be sat in your head the minute he asked. He was too sweet to you.
With the rest of the morning to yourself you decided a walk in the park with Burtie would kill some time whilst your Super Solider was otherwise occupied, you had both decided on a low-key night in date, so you wouldn’t be disturbed, nothing to do with the proximity of your bed. Nothing at all.  
The mission was dragging, all Bucky wanted to do was get home to you, cook you dinner then start something called Game of Thrones that you insisted he needed to experience & afterwards spend the night buried in you until you couldn’t take any more. 
Unfortunately, the ambassador he was currently listening in on was taking his sweet time in the bathroom, he had all the information they needed but had to stick around until he left, just in case he spilled any more state secrets to the obvious bad guy he was meeting with.
He quickly checked his phone to see if you had messaged him after he had gone incognito, there was a few texts detailing your walk to the park & all the random things your brain concocted, he loved you so much because he found it utterly adorable whereas Steve often said you were draining, not that he’d tell you Steve said that, he was a punk & didn’t know how amazing you actually were. There was a voice note too, he loved the idea of you sending him them, all for him, your beautiful voice memorialized permanently on his phone, so he could listen to them whenever he wanted. He pressed play waiting for the inevitable random thought you plucked from your brain to be narrated to him.
‘Bucky’ Oh how his heart soared hearing his name come out of your mouth.
‘I think I’m being followed.’ In a split second it dropped to the depths of hell, lower even. He continued to listen to the message.
 ‘I’m just on the corner of 8th & West 29, I was in the park with Burtie & this guy was watching me, I figured he probably recognised me & was trying to work out who I was. So, I set off & every time I look back he’s still there.’ You sounded shaky & Bucky wanted to tear his hair out at the thought of you being afraid.
‘He’s tall, dark hair, slim build, kind of like a capybara.’
A capi-what? Bucky thought.
‘They’re like the largest rodent.’
So, a rat.
‘But don’t think he looks like a rat, his face isn’t pointy enough, they’ve got a rounded snout, they’re cute, the baby ones look like humbug sweets, they’re adorable. I watched this programme once where this British dude was saying they …’
Focus Bambi.
‘.. Not the time, he looks really average. I’m gonna speed up & try to lose him but I’ve put my location on for you to track if you don’t hear from me. I’ll be fine ok? I … I’ll see you when you get back’
That was 30 minutes ago. His heart had ceased to function & he was running on pure adrenaline, he could feel it pumping in his veins fuelling his need to find you & blocking out the urge to breakdown & fade into nothingness at the thought of being without you, the mission was done, he had to get to you.
He took off running, it was just an intel gathering mission, no one was in danger he later justified to himself so it would be fine to leave his post. His bike wasn’t far from his station at the speed the Super Solider Serum blessed him with, his body on instinct manoeuvred all the obstacles within his path without need for any kind of conscious thought, that was all focused on you & finding you. The tracker had stopped 15 minutes after you sent your message, you could be anywhere, taken without a trace from a rat man whom probably had a vendetta against The Winter Solider. How could he fuck this up already? To not even have you for a day before it all went wrong, think Bucky … Bertie. 
You had insisting on adding something called a tag to his collar after Peter & Thor kept taking Burtie for cuddles, it meant you could pin point his location to the meter within a building let alone the street, it took him a minute, but he found the email from when you had shared the log in, ‘just in case’ he ever needed it. Bucky recognised the street name but couldn’t recall why, once he got to his bike he rang Tony explaining the voicemail & abandoning the mission, Tony immediately got to work trying to track your location whilst Bucky set off. 
His mind was racing, imagining the worst-case scenarios, seeing you in every state he had ever seen a victim, he couldn’t stop some tears from escaping blurring his vision as he rode to you as quickly as his bike allowed. His mom had taught him to never leave important things unsaid, you’d think he’d have fucking learned that in his hundred years on the planet but apparently, he was a complete idiot. He should have told you he loved you before he left, it was on the tip of his tongue but why would he tell you that when he was seeing you in a few hours. 
Why were you even interested in him? He was dangerous, he put you in danger just by associating with him, he knew something would come along & fuck all this up, it was too good to be true. Even if you survived this why would you stay with him? You deserved more, you deserved someone stable with no enemies ready to take you when you were walking the dog & his brain couldn’t even process Burtie in all this, his sweet little boy, he would never forgive himself if he was hurt. 
None of his conjecture mattered he knew, what happened after could only happen if there was an after for you, he just needed to get to you, to get you safe, that was all that was important.
He smashed through the entrance to what looked like an upmarket block of apartments, he would answer questions later if necessary & Tony could foot the bill for the damage, every second counted as he raced up the stairs two at a time clutching his phone like it was the only lifeline he had to you. His eyes darting constantly between where he was heading & the app on the phone leading the way, he seemed to pass floor after floor, door after door, it appeared to be residential, several people moved in horror out of his way with panicked murmurs of avengers, he probably should have reassured them, Steve would have, but there was no time. Finally, he found the door the tag had guided him to, he pulled out his M17 & was begging his training to kick in, instead of the overwhelming panic & fear he was experiencing. His knuckles sharply knocked on the frame, he pulled up his gun to shoulder level & braced himself for the worst, a single tear escaped his eye as he waited, white noise clouded his brain & when the door swung open he swore he saw your face & heard your beautiful voice.
You looked at Bucky who was clearly going through something holding a gun up & looking distraught, ‘Bucky, are you ok?’
‘Bambi?’
‘Yeah?’
He grabbed you, smashing his lips into yours like he couldn’t believe you were in front of him. You were slightly perplexed by his behaviour but went with it, I mean he was kissing you & had his hands all over you, you pulled back when you felt the tears on his face.
‘What’s going on Bucky, are you ok?’ 
He was panting, darting his eyes around your face, your body, the apartment he found you in. ‘Am I ok? Are you ok?’
‘yeaaah, why wouldn’t I be?’
‘The voice note.’ He noticed the confusion on your face as the adrenaline still pulsed in his veins.
‘Which one?’
‘There was only one.’
‘I sent another telling you it was ok.’
‘Oh’, he drew in a breath to calm his nervous system back down to earth from high alert, he rested his forehead on yours to ground himself & make sure you were really with him.
‘Oh Bucky, I am so sorry. I should have called to tell you I was ok. I just didn’t want to jeopardise the mission.’
‘Yeah about that, I may have abandoned my post. One sec.’ He let out a firm breath & dialled Tony to let him know you were fine, you took the phone & explained how you thought you were being followed but it turns out it was Loki who stopped by for a visit & was fucking with you, you were near your apartment so nipped in for a catch up & to water your plants. 
Tony stopped laughing long enough for you to say your goodbyes & you turned to the slightly embarrassed Super Soldier ‘Oh honey, I am so sorry.’
‘No, it’s me I panicked & went on instinct, I just thought I’d lost you.’
‘Hey, come here.’ You wrapped your arms around him, holding his head & letting him have a minute of calm in your embrace, ‘I’m right here.’
He was muffled as he spoke, ‘I thought someone had taken you to get to me & I just leapt into action without thinking, I just had this instinct to come & save you, the thought of you hating me because they hurt you was killing me.’
He pulled his head from your shoulder & you looked into his misty azure blue eyes, you held his face in your hands. ‘I love you so much Bucky, absolutely, entirely, every ounce of you, nothing or no one will change that, ok?’
‘Oh thank fuck, I love you too Bambi, more than anything.’
He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he needed to be as close to you as possible. He latched his lips to yours, firmly & with intention, you felt how different it was to all the other kisses. He immediately relaxed, he needed this after the agony of thinking he had lost you, he promised himself he would be as upfront about his feelings with you every second for the rest of his life, he couldn’t waste any more time with you.
‘Great apartment you have here Bambi.’ You noticed him not even looking at it, you knew where this was heading & you were squealing inside at the thought.
‘Thanks, Burtie’s asleep in the study, you’d love all the books in there. I’ll give you a tour’
‘Show me the bedroom.’ You glanced up at him & shyly nodded. 
It was so you, Bucky couldn’t think of any other adjective, it was peaceful, calm, yet chaotic & bright somehow, he noticed there were plants everywhere & it was everything he wanted, he couldn’t face returning to his grey dull apartment having seen the alternative.
He softly closed the door behind him & reached to you to pull you back in his arms, your back was pressed to his chest & he slowly traced his lips from your ear down your neck & sucked on the spot that turned your legs into jelly. He hadn’t even touched you, yet knew exactly how to make you crumble, he ran a finger up your side making you shudder, he could see every laboured breath you were struggling to steady, your eyelids fluttering at the thrill of being touched & the anticipation of finally having each other, he was teasing you, wanting you to be so desperate for him that you would beg for it.
 His fingers moved from your side to your front, painfully slow he traced your curves, cupping your tits & pinching your nipples as you jolted forward from the pleasure, they moved further down your body & as your breath hitched his fingers cruelly ghosted your mound.
The whine you let out was music to Bucky’s ears, ‘Don’t be a brat Bambi, you’ll get everything you want I promise. I just can’t decide what I wanna do to ya first.’
‘Touch me Bucky, please.’
‘I’m gonna touch you, taste you & fuck you til you can’t take any more.’ Maybe he wasn’t as innocent as you thought he was.
You turned around so you could face him, you were both fully clothed, he was still in his tactical gear & you quickly began unclipping his suit to get to him. ‘Wanna suck your cock Buck.’
He almost came in his pants just from you saying it, he could talk the talk but there would be a very good chance the first time would be a 2 minute job he wanted you so much.
‘Best get on your knees & be a good girl for me.’ Without hesitation you dropped to the floor & your hands were scrambling to release the hard dick being constrained in Bucky’s pants, running your fingers over it as your other hand tacked the belt & buttons. You practically drooled when you finally reached into his boxers & carefully pulled out the long thick cock waiting for you, it was perfect, just like Bucky.
‘Fuck.’ You looked up at him as you wrapped your hand around him, not even being able to get your fingers all the way around & began pumping the silky smooth skin, he was looking down at you transfixed, his perfect girl so delicate & soft being so careful with him & your beautiful hands giving him so much pleasure but when you glanced up & brought his tip to your perfect mouth he almost lost it.
You placed your lips on him, kissing gently before running them down the thick shaft on the underside of his cock, then tracing back up with your tongue & finally taking him in your mouth. He was by far the biggest you’d had & you struggled taking him fully but with some careful teeth placement you manged as much as you could with your hand pumping the surplus. Bucky was in heaven, he would worship your mouth until the end of time with the things you were doing with your tongue, he gently held your face in his hands & slowly pumped his hips taking over.
‘Fuck Bambi, tap me if its too much.’ You attempted to nod with your mouth full & he sped up his movements & somehow managed to fuck your throat with minimum choking, you would have to tell him later a bit of choking wouldn’t hurt you.
He could have easily finished right there in your pretty mouth, but he promised you his cock & he would deliver on that, he pulled your lips off him & dropped to his knees desperately kissing you, his tongue intertwined with yours, you knew you’d both be absolute messes after this.
‘Wanna taste ya Darlin.’ He lifted you to your feet & guided you to the bed pushing you down as the backs of your knees met the frame, he wasted no time stripping himself down to nothing & set sights on you. Your leggings were roughly ripped off your person taking your knickers with them in their wake, he paused admiring how you looked, so debauched, riled up & yet so pretty, his good girl patiently waiting for him. 
You scurried back on the bed to make room for the broad man crawling in sync further up & you whipped off your hoodie leaving you both bare, ‘perfect, Jesus Bambi, fucking perfect you know that?’ He kissed your inner thigh before settling in between your legs, anchoring you with his Vibranium arm & gently moving your legs over his shoulder, he wanted complete access. 
He dove right in, his incredibly nimble tongue lapping against your clit, circling your entrance & then fucking you with his tongue. Back & forth, it was heaven, all thoughts were numbed & all you could do was surrender yourself to the unwavering pleasure building at each flick of Buck’s tongue.
‘You taste even better than I imagined.’
‘God, you’re so fucking good at this.’ You were hurtling towards your climax, embarrassingly quickly, he traced his finger around your entrance as he focused on sucking your clit, you were in Nirvana, your head thrashed back in pleasure & you could barely hang on, he quickly added another digit stretching you so perfectly with his thick fingers.
‘Gonna cum Bucky, don’t stop, please ... d-ddon’t stop.’
‘Let go doll, fuck, can feel you squeezing me.’ He was practically fucking the mattress as you ground down on his tongue & fingers letting the building pleasure overtake you sending pulses of euphoria to every extremity until you were a twitching mess.
Without hesitation you pulled on his arms to bring him up to you, kissing him deeply & tasting yourself on him. ‘hmm you like that Bambi, here.’ He pushed his fingers up to your mouth & let you suck on them, his cock twitching as your tongue twirled around them, ‘you like your mouth stuffed don’t ya Doll?’ you nodded pushing his fingers further down practically choking on them ‘Next time you’ll be taking all my cum down there honey.’
Whenever guys you’d been with in the past had attempted to talk dirty it always fell flat, Bucky of course blew them out the water & you had no doubt he would do exactly what he described at the earliest possible moment. You’d do anything he told you to if he spoke to you in this dominant tone, anything.
He moved his hips upward to be level with yours, you were both writhing, his cock at your entrance, your pussy wet & waiting for him but he paused for thought. ‘Shit, don’t we need protection or something’
‘No, I’m clean & can’t get pregnant’. He immediately stopped his movements at your words.
‘Oh Bambi, I’m so sorry, was it the bullet?’ His fingers grazed your side where your scar sat, mocking your stupidity every time you looked at it. You giggled at his reaction; he was so God damn sweet.
‘No, you silly flapjack, I am on contraception.’
‘Oh’ his face scrunched up in a smile & then like a switch he was back to the dominant man ready to fuck your brains out.
He carefully lifted is hip & pushed himself to your threshold, it was such sweet torture as he slowly filled you up with his thick cock. There was no coming back from him, he held your entire being within his as he bottomed out stretching you like nothing you’d felt before, he stilled his hips waiting for you to adjust all the while peppering you with kisses trying not to breakdown that this perfect angel in his arms loved him & was giving herself to him.
As you began moving your hips he focused back on you, kissing you deeply & fucking into you slowly & deeply, hitting spots you’d never felt before, saying the most delicious filth in between sucking on your lips, tongue, skin, ‘God you’re my good girl’, ‘taking me so fucking good. Knew you would.’ ‘so fucking tight.’, ‘can feel you clenching me.’ 
It was like nothing you’d ever experienced but you knew he was suppressing his urges trying to make your first time tender & soft, it was Bucky in a nutshell, but you wanted him to let go entirely. ‘B-Bucky, do what you want to me, don’t hold back.’
‘No Bambi, wanna make love to you.’ He kissed you, pushing in gently, enjoying every second he was connected to you.
‘You have, now fuck me like you’ve imagined, let me be your good girl.’
‘Fuck, don’t say that to me Bambi. You wouldn’t be able to handle it.’ 
‘I can. I can handle it …D .. Daddy.’ You had an inkling he would enjoy being called that during sex, from twitch of his cock you felt you were right.
‘Fuck, don’t call me that Doll, you have no idea what you’ll start.’
‘I want it. All of it, whatever you want to do to me. Please let me be your good girl Daddy, please.’
He sped up his movements, his resolve snapped the way you so beautifully begged, he was feral for you. ‘You asked for it Bambi.’ 
Your hips were lifted & he drilled his cock into you deeper & harder, the sounds of your skin slapping together & the guttural grunts & moans from you both filled the apartment.
In one quick motion he pulled his cock from you, leaving you hollow & crawled up the bed straddling you pushing his cock in your gaping mouth, gathering your hair into his hands & holding you still with the other to fuck your face, you were pinned to the bed taking him so perfectly. 
‘Touch yourself Bambi, but you will be punished if you cum.’
Your hand moved down to your swollen mound before he had even finished his sentence & you were switching between fingering yourself & massaging your clit, your climax was building but you kept yourself on the brink. You kind of wanted to experience his punishment but also wanted to be his good girl, he took the choice off you when he ripped himself from your mouth panting ‘on all fours Bambi.’, you had unleashed a beast.
The dominance of his tone had you moving swiftly into position, you could feel him running his hand up & down your thigh, gripping your ass cheek & releasing, then bringing his palm down sharply to your skin, the shock & sting was thrilling, you moan was music to Bucky’s ears, you were trembling not knowing his next move was. He pressed his lips to your tingling skin making you whimper. You looked over your shoulder, his eyes were wild ‘Please Bucky, fuck me.’
Like a flash he slid inside you, filling you back up. ‘This what you wanted Doll?’ his thrusts were relentless, you were completely fucked out being jolted forward at each snap of his hips. He raised his hand & connected it to your behind practically cumming at how much you pussy gripped his cock on contact. ‘Answer me Bambi, was this what you wanted?’
‘Yes, yes sergeant.’ 
Fuck he should have been doing this since the moment he met you, you took him so fucking well & shared all his filthy desires to be his good girl. You were like putty in his hands when he so easily pulled you back & sat back on his thighs, holding you by your tits as you bounced up & down on him.
‘Fuck yourself on my cock Doll, you’re taking me so well.’ You ground your hips, enjoying every inch of him, ‘Ne ..need to come Bucky.’
He couldn’t get enough of you & yet again pulled you off him, you were so compliant as he lifted you turning you around & sitting you back on his cock, fucking up into you brutally as you were mummering how good he was making you feel. ‘Not yet Bambi’ He latched his mouth on to your neck & connected his thumb to your clit circling it gently in complete contrast to him fucking the life out of you, the pressure building inside you was screaming to come out & you used every bit of clenching you could to stop you climaxing before Bucky told you could, he could feel you desperately hanging on for dear life & the intense grip your pussy had on his dick had him hurtling to his finish.
‘Cum for me Doll, fuck you pussy is so fucking tight.’ One final pump & you screamed in the pleasure rippling through you, ‘don’t stop, fuck fuck fuuucckk’ Bucky was right there with you painting your walls with his seed, lost in the unwavering ecstasy that fucking you brought him, muttering complete filth into your ear as you both hit your peaks.
‘I love you so fucking much Bambi.’
‘I love you too. Forever.’ Crying after sex was probably frowned upon but Bucky was on the brink, he had everything he had ever dreamed about in his arms looking blissed out on another plane of existence, your hair was plastered to your skin, your lips red & swollen & your mascara smudged. You had never looked as perfect. He leaned down to kiss you gently, it was like you both breathed some form of life back into each other, you were staring at him exactly the way he was you, allowing yourself the moment to let what happened truly sink it.
A smile spread on your face, you were still on his lap impaled on him but lightly giggled remembering what he had said earlier ‘Hey Bucky, where do you think the ovaries are?’ 
He shrugged trying not to smile, ‘I dunno why?’
‘The whole ‘was it the bullet?’’
‘I panicked. Thinking it was a terrible thing for you.’ You cackled laughing in his arms, you didn’t think it was possible to love him more.
‘Must you laugh so much when my cock is still in you?’ he tensed his thighs shifting his cock inside you.
‘It’s so funny though, you were so worried, you’re a cutie pie Bucky Barnes.’
He paused for a second, picking you up & laying you both down on the bed, stroking your face with his thumb ‘Have you ever thought about kids Bambi?’
‘Yeah, I would have to retire though, you?’
‘It would be nice to have a family & raise them, I agree with the retiring, I’ve spent my life fighting, would be nice to have some peace … someday.’
Bucky opening up to you somehow managed to fill your heart with joy that he trusted you with his dreams but smashed it in two for being so heartbreaking ‘Have you ever told anyone that?’
‘Nope’ he tried to hide the melancholy on his face with a smile, it only made you more determined to give him the life he deserved.
‘Why not?’
‘I guess I figured I have a debt to pay before I can think about my life, everyone has done so much for me, taken me in, removed the programming, given me freedom, a new arm. Figured it was my way to pay for it by helping save the world or whatever.’ He shrugged & you hated how dismissive he was of his own needs, he was a good soldier doing as ordered without thinking of himself.
You could feel the tears falling on your cheeks that this victim of unspeakable atrocities still felt he owed the world a debt, ‘You were deserved those things Bucky, you were a prisoner for so long, you deserve peace.’
He swept up your tears with his thumb ‘Don’t get upset Doll, I met you because of it. I’d live it all again to be right here.’
‘You would?’
‘Of course, I would, to be here with you, the woman I love I’d live it a thousand times.’
You shrugged, ‘I think you deserve more after what you’ve been through.’
‘I don’t know how many times I need to spell it out to you sweetheart; you are my great love, it doesn’t matter if we just got together, you have been mine since the moment I set eyes on you, I’d walk to the ends of the earth if you asked me to.’
He could see you struggling to accept his words, to truly believe how much he loved you, but he knew he would spend every day showing you, actions speak louder than words & his would be shouting from the rooftop that you were his girl.
Life was good once you got back to the tower, your routine didn’t particularly change apart from being pulled into various cupboards & offices multiple times a day to fool around, turns out Bucky really wasn’t as innocent as you thought, the opposite in fact. He worshipped every inch of you & didn’t seem to get bored of telling you either, whether it was storming into the gym & picking you up half way through your work out with Nat then fucking you senseless over the crash mats in the equipment room or throwing you over his shoulder after watching you bend down in the kitchen & marching you through the compound making it as far as the cleaning closet then ripping your leggings off to eat you out, pausing only to order Gerald to make a coffee because Bucky swore he was watching. You felt bad violating his home.
You also finally had your first official date, he greeted you with flowers, this time daisies & you went to a hole in the wall Pizza place in Brooklyn that he swore was the best, then you walked around arm in arm around all his old stomping grounds like he promised he would show you, it was perfect. He was perfect & didn’t hesitate to show you all the affection he had been holding back on, you were kissed, snuggled & nuzzled until you were drunk off him, being fucked against a brick building in an alleyway was just inevitable, in fairness he managed to find the cleanest one in the city. You headed back to your apartment giddy & hungry for more of each other, Thor & Scott were on dog sitting duties so you knew you had time to explore each other fully, in-between the intense bouts of pleasure you talked about everything & anything until you fell asleep in each other’s arms excited for all the plans you had made.
--
Another day, another event. Today a gala to raise funds for a children’s charity, the gardens of the upstate Avengers compound had been transformed, cute little round tables sat underneath a giant white gazebo, wildflowers were scattered on the ground forming pathways to the various activities & groups of kids dotted about in their little dresses & suits, it was adorable. You had been dressed by Valentina again, a gorgeous white form fitting dress with flowers climbing up the body, it all felt a bit too dressy for a garden party, but Tony had insisted it be formal hence the babies in suits.
Bucky had already been tackled by three rambunctious kids & proceeded to hold them all up at once on his vibranium arm like he was a set of monkey bars, it was ovary aching sweetness & you noticed Tony pointing it out to the press who lapped it up, their camera shutters being put into overdrive at the sight. It had all started to feel icky, forced, you & Bucky had both decided that after this you’d call the PR nonsense off, it was literally pointless now you were together.
Whilst Bucky was occupied, you had noticed a young mother with two children struggling between holding her baby, keeping the other in check & trying to enjoy the food that was being served, she looked like she needed a lie down let alone a short reprieve from the pair, you approached her trying to put on your friendliest of smiles without looking like an attempted kidnapper. ‘Can I take them off your hands whilst you grab a bite to eat?’
Her eyes lit up at your offer. ‘That would be wonderful, thank you.’ She looked completely relieved at your offer. ‘This is Ben & Maisey.’
You held out your arms & the baby so sweetly reached out to you for you to take her, as you rested her diaper padded bottom on your hip you leaned down & took the hand of the chaotic child at her side.
‘Come on honey, lets give mamma a break. I know someone who will wear you out in no time, we won’t go far.’ You walked with him towards your Super Solider who had been watching you the minute you held the baby in your arms, he couldn’t lie, it made him feral, he had never seen you with kids & you appeared to be a complete natural. For a second, he let himself imagine you were his wife, they were your kids & it filled him with such hope for the future, he’d never dared think he could have everything he once dreamt of, but knew he’d fight to the death to make it happen with you.
‘Let’s say hello to Uncle Bucky shall we?’
He greeted you with the biggest smile, connecting his lips to yours appropriately for once, his big palm reached out & cradled Maisey’s little head stroking her cubby cheek & it made your ovaries melt, he was so gentle with her. The toddler clung to your leg as he looked up in awe at the superhero in front of him. As per the norm when you were with Bucky you didn’t hear any of the commotion or flashes surrounding you as the photographers went wild snapping pictures of you both, Bucky collected the toddler off the floor & held him high in his arms. You’d never seen him so relaxed.
‘My name is Ben.’
‘Hi Ben I’m Bucky, this is Bambi.’
‘Bambi?’ His head whipped around trying to spot his mother. ‘Mamma, dis Bambi.’
You were all laughing at his excitement turning around to a very proud looking mother gasping in surprise.
‘You know why I call her Bambi?’
He shook his head.
‘Well, she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world with those big doe eyes & gorgeous smile, she’s so strong & smart but so incredibly clumsy. Thought it since the second I looked at her & she tripped over her pyjama pant leg trying to shake my hand.’ 
Bucky knew the child wasn’t understanding a word he was saying but he wanted you to know, even back then he thought the world of you.
You laughed out loud at his admission, you couldn’t believe he remembered that, he had only started called you Bambi after you had mentioned the cabin in your demands so assumed it was linked to that. Apparently not. Somehow every time he spoke he managed to remind you how much he loved you, how much he had always adored you.
He ran off with Ben before you could kiss him senseless, probably a good thing with a baby in your arms, you sat down on a bench with the gorgeous little tot on your lap facing the party, she was fascinated by all the people & you watched the love of your life zooming around with an uncontrollably giggling toddler in his arms. You were practically a puddle on the floor, you teared up not knowing how you could love someone so much so quickly. You knew he wanted a family & you swore you would fight hand & tooth to be the one to give it him, he deserved it. Of course, Tony had to come & sit next to you on the bench having seen you swooning over your man ‘You guys don’t half put on a show.’
You managed to tear your eyes away from your Super Solider & looked to Tony raising your brow as you so often did to him, ‘How so?’
‘Well I’d bet money that the headlines tomorrow will be all about the two additions to the Barnes Clan, you both are playing happy families flawlessly Kid.’
‘Just giving their mom a break to eat something, not like it’s hard looking after this gorgeous girl, can you make sure the press doesn’t print their faces please.’ You bounced Maisey on your lap.
He nodded, smiling to himself, ‘Speaking of reproducing, I’ve had some strange reports from around the tower, various storage rooms & offices not accessible at weird times of the day, odd noises being heard too. Wouldn’t happen to know about that would you?’
‘I would not. No’ You tried to hide your smirk but failed miserably.
‘hmmm.’ He shook Maisey’s little hand & she grabbed his finger holding on to it tightly. He gave her his best smile ‘Tony Stark, nice to meet you kid, ever think about having one?’
Your eyes darted back to Bucky, he was holding Ben looking at you in that way he always did, ‘Not until very recently.’
Tony put on that fatherly tone he always did when he was talking about something important instead of his usual cocky smirk, ‘You should, it suits you.’
‘We’d have ... I’d have to leave the team.’
He shrugged ‘Wouldn’t be the worst thing, sure I’d lose my best hacker but fewer accident reports to fill out, you know I hate paperwork, less chance of friendly fire & I bet my insurance premiums would plummet.’
‘Might do it sooner with that sass. Move to Wyoming, live off the land.’
‘As long as grandad has unlimited visiting privileges.’
‘That could be arranged, although the grandad part not for a while yet.’
‘So, still time to make a mini Ironman suit for them.’
‘Plenty’ you watched Bucky spinning Ben over his arm & the little boy joyfully laughing & begging him to do it again, ‘but maybe start on the prototypes soon, yeah.’
‘Will do.’ He stood up, buttoning his suit back up & leaned down to give you a kiss on your forehead. ‘Happy for you both Kid.’ 
As per usual you never needed to say anything to Tony, he just knew & always accepted your decisions like the supportive adopted dad you needed. 
Eventually you both relinquished the temporary custody of the kids with overwhelming thanks from Janice who invited you to babysit any time, Bucky wore out Ben as promised & helped carry him to the car & strap him in safely.
Upon his return you felt two arms snake around your waist & a set of lips at your ear, ‘Dance with me Bambi.’
He led you to the little dancefloor that had been laid over the grass, the sun was setting as the party was dying down, you were too busy with the kids to notice the fundraiser going on in the background but knowing Tony Stark it would have been a success. 
As Bucky twirled you around the parquet floor he couldn’t help asking. ‘Is it too soon to ask you to marry me?’ you giggled.
‘Yes.’ You ran your thumb over his little pout that had appeared on his gorgeous face. 
‘Well I don’t know how long I can keep it in for.’ Oh this man, he was just trouble for you, you couldn’t say no to him.
‘I mean, I’d say yes if you asked, but people will think we’re nuts.’
‘They already do darlin’’ 
‘True, promise you’ll marry me someday?’
‘Wild horses couldn’t stop me Bambi, you promise you’ll marry me someday?’
‘Thanos & his army couldn’t stop me.’ He leaned in to kiss you, somehow smiling at the same time. If all you ever had was each other for the rest of your lives that would be alright with you.
‘Good, that should keep my inner 40’s instincts at bay ... for now.’ 
You giggled & danced away until you were the only ones left, the band had dismantled but you didn’t need music to sway in his arms. The floodlights were removed & your surroundings were gently lit with strings of fairy lights, you didn’t need to see to kiss the night away, you would always find him in the dark.
Tumblr media
--
You thought about whipping your favourite Jean Luc Picard line out when it came to the review meeting Tony had arranged, ‘The line must be drawn here. This far and no further!’ But Bucky told you it was a bit dramatic for a casual chat & the accent you were adding wasn’t going to be as effective as you hoped if they were all laughing when you said it.
You both quickly learned that if you had somewhere to be together you needed to set off earlier than necessary because you always seemed to end up waylaid in a storage closet enroute to your destination, today was no exception & you found yourself being dragged into a dark cramped space with your Super Soldier on his knees in front of you manoeuvring your leg over his shoulder.
‘Fuck, you can’t be wearing this kinda dress around me honey’
You shrugged innocently ‘Thought it looked cute.’
Bucky shook his head at you, you knew exactly how to look as fuckable as you could for him in your little summer dresses ‘It looks fucking adorable on you.’ He wasted no time, flipping the skirt over your hips & saw what was waiting for him ’Fuck no panties Bambi.’
Again, you shrugged your shoulders batting your eyelashes at the man on his knees ‘Wanted you to fuck me with your fingers in the meeting.’
He tipped his head back & his eyes fluttered shut as you slipped your foot over his growing cock, ‘Fuck, my filthy girl.’
‘Only for you.’
He got to work, pulling your hips to his face by your bare bottom, running his tongue along your soaking folds, lapping up everything you were giving him, it didn’t take long for your hips to aid his efforts & grind down on him. 
‘Feels so good, fill me with your fingers James.’
He slowly inserted his metal forefinger into your gloriously soaking pussy & couldn’t help pulling his hard cock out of his jeans to stroke himself, you couldn’t hold in the moan as he pushed up further curling his finger up to connect with that spot that drove you wild, you could feel lightening up & down your spine as the permanently cold tip stroked it, god he was good at this, but you needed filling properly.
You reached down & ripped his hand away, ‘need you to fill me’, he could see the look in your eyes. Wild. He sat back on his knees & you lowered yourself onto his lap, lining up his thick cock & readying yourself for the wonderful stretch only he could bring.
You both groaned as you struggled to take him fully ‘Come on Bambi, you can take me, all the way down.’
One last shift of your hips & he bottomed out.
‘Fuck baby, so full.’ It took your breath away how you could feel every inch of him, every ridge & vein, it was utterly delicious albeit somewhat painful, but it all added to the glory of being fucked by this man.
‘Such a good girl taking me so well, like you were made for me darlin’.’ He felt your pussy clench at the praise, ‘you like me calling you that, don’t you my sweet girl.’
You could barely form words as he fucked his solid cock into you, the stretch of him seemed to send you to another realm of pleasure. ‘yes, fuck, you feel so good.’
It was embarrassing how quickly he needed to blow his load as soon as your warm tight pussy was around him, but he didn’t care when it felt this good & also kind of the point of a quickie in the closet. He picked up his pace & connected his thumb to your clit whilst you bounced up & down on his lap, you were a goddess of that he was certain, the noises you made whilst trying to be quiet he wanted playing on repeat.
A few squeezes from your pussy had him in heaven, he knew you were close, he’d been on the brink the entire time but needed you to hold it a little bit more, make it that much sweeter when it hit you, ‘Hold it a little longer Bambi, then you can make a mess on my cock.’
He continued to snap his hips against you, spearing you with his length, you were clenching for dear life trying not to tumble over the edge, hold it for him, be his good girl but you were on cusp of not being able to control it before you heard the glorious words ‘Let go Bambi, cum for me.’ You sped over the threshold of pleasure, white hot lightening took over your body, he locked his lips to yours to muffle the sounds of your climax, your pussy clenching around him & with one final thrust of his hips he was past his limit as he spilt into you, hands roaming your curves, making sure you were really with him in his arms twitching & writhing as you came down with him from your pleasure induced high.
‘I love you beautiful.’ The scrunched-up nose smile on his face took your breath away, how was this man yours? You needed to count every lucky star in the night sky a thousand times over that you were here with him.
‘I love you too gorgeous.’
You tamed each other’s wild hair giggling at the thought of walking into a meeting filled with his cum, he gently ran his fingers under your eyes to sweep up the slightly smeared mascara.
‘Good as new Bambi. They won’t suspect a thing.’
You strolled into meeting room as casually as possible hoping you didn’t smell like sex, Tony was surprisingly on time & sat with Rebecca & the HR director. Shit. Maybe the quickie wasn’t the best idea. After sharing some pleasantries & fixing you & Bucky a coffee you sat beside your Super Soldier, it felt foreign to not be sat on his lap or touching in any way, you shifted your seat closer to his, just in case he needed grounding with your touch at any point.
Rebecca got straight into action with her PowerPoint of praise detailing how well the plan was going, ‘We’ve seen a dramatic shift in Sargent Barnes’ profile & public perceptions over the last two months & as we hoped most of the uptake has been via social media & sharing their interactions with you both.’ The slide show was moving as she spoke displaying the positive comments, tweets & photos you were constantly stopped for in the street, so many people loved Burtie & wanted a picture of him too, he was the star of the show. 
‘We have formulated the next steps in the plan starting with a sit down interview & photo shoot with the two of you to discuss the rumours of you being parents to the two children in the photos that are currently circulating in the press, the Gala seem to have shown the softer side of Sargent Barnes so we’re keen to keep the momentum going with a visit to a children’s hospital & Tony mentioned moving in together, maybe appearances at some open houses will solidify the idea of the relationship being serious & moving forward.’
You could see Bucky rubbing his face trying to get a word in edge ways to stop this going further & wasting the time of everyone in the room, the presentation was clearly rehearsed & timed perfectly with the movement of the slides, you couldn’t help smiling at the pictures of you both sharing a kiss with the kids in your arms, you really looked like a family. She finally stopped speaking & he jumped in before she could carry on ‘Thank you for your hard work Rebecca in all this, it’s nice to know people care about me & want the best for me but we have talked about it & don’t want to carry on with any more of this going forward.’
‘Oh, I would ask that you think about it especially the latter of the ideas because it will solidify everything you have done so far.’
‘I mean I’ll visit a hospital any time & hang out with the kids & yeah will probably be looking at houses but …’ he was struggling to say something without saying anything to scare you off or tell the people in the room too much. 
You helped him out & just laid in down for them, ‘Sargent Barnes & I have decided to pursue a romantic relationship, so any further input isn’t really needed.’
Tony couldn’t help himself now that you had said it out loud, ‘I would haven’t ever guessed it from the four bleach baths my eyes have had to endure to erase CCTV footage of the two of you before I instructed Friday to turn off the cameras whenever you two are in the same space.’
The smile Bucky was trying to stifle the smile & shrugged ‘I mean you didn’t have to watch.’
You laughed & pointed out the obvious, ‘It’s kind of your fault for encouraging this, you told us to kiss for the cameras.’
The HR lady Paula chimed in, ‘Pardon me? Mr Stark when the idea of this public relations stunt was brought to me you were under strict instruction not to suggest anything physical between members of staff.’
‘I think we’re due some compensation, don’t you Sargent Barnes?’ you turned & winked at him.
As you listened to the HR director sternly put Tony in his place & school him on appropriate work place etiquette Bucky’s hand was situated on your thigh, as you crossed your legs he moved closer to your centre & his middle finger toyed with your pussy, he could feel the combination of both of you leaking out of you, he gathered some & pushed it back in. The struggle to keep a straight face & not react was intense, he looked unaffected but from the tent in his pants forming you could tell he was enjoying this.
As you were manoeuvring your palm to lay on his bulge the squabble between the two died down & you were yet again the focus.
‘Ok with the new information we will have to go through some procedures in regards to you both, I will consult with some stakeholders regarding missions together & any potential issues that could come to light there. I understand you have both been living in the tower, this will be re-assessed now that the stunt is ending, I need to be informed with any details that would pertain to you not being able to carry your duties out & absolutely no fraternisation in the public areas of the workplace. I will also need to be informed if the relationship ends & any issues that would arise in that scenario.’
Bucky butted in, ‘That won’t happen.’
‘& I would ask that you treat my child well, she will require the best of the best, I expect to be asked for permission for her hand in marriage plus a ring & a wedding befitting of her.’
‘Jesus I’m not up for swaps with the next village for some fucking goats Tony.’
‘Me demanding you to be given a big diamond isn’t exactly trading you off Kid.’
‘Well, it feels like it, I don’t need a diamond.’
‘Yes, you do, Barnes don’t listen to her, no child of mine is getting anything under 3 carats, Tifany’s is acceptable … just, but Harry Winston is ideal. You know what I know a guy I’ll give you his number.’
‘Tony, he’s from the 40’s I’d be married to him with a baby on the way by now if it was up to him. He needs discouraging, not you goading him into buying a diamond ring.’
‘It’s true I do. I nearly got down on one knee last week when she made me some cookies & wore an apron.’
You smirked ‘Well, you did end up on your knees.’
‘Nope, no, not even funny, that incident made me re-program Friday & a close the kitchen for a full decontamination.’ You rolled your eyes at his dramatics; it was a great morning & the cookies being ready after your second climax was the icing on the cake so to speak.
‘Maybe this is a family discussion rather than a HR issue.’ Paula added before packing up her planner & notes, Rebecca had long since checked out & was enjoying witnessing the squabbling after you had confirmed your relationship.
‘Well congratulations to you both, glad this worked out on all fronts. I will put out a press release to say the kids aren’t yours & if you have any further announcements just give me a call.’
You smiled at her attempts to keep it professional, ‘Thanks Rebecca, I appreciate it.’
As the meeting was drawing to a close Tony piped up as always in his Tony Stark nonchalant fashion, ‘Oh before I forget, Barnes you’re suspended for a month for abandoning your post & leaving a mission early, you are too Kid, for hanging out with the enemy, I suggest you use the time wisely.’ 
He was just so smug; you knew exactly what he was doing & you loved him dearly for it. Of course, it went without saying that if either of you were actually needed you’d be on the next quinjet to the action but a whole month free together to do what you liked you couldn’t wait.
You turned your attention to your Super Solider who was still sat down looking baffled at the meetings conclusion, you got up from your chair & returned to your rightful place, snug in his lap, his hands supported your legs & your fingers raked through his hair, it felt so nice to be free of any obligation to be together. You were choosing this, choosing each other, a soft press of your lips to his gave you a great idea of what to do with your time off, ‘So, what’s Wakanda like this time of the year?’
Tumblr media Tumblr media
AN: Thank you so much for reading, don't forget to reblog & comment, so far it's been a bit of a flop compared to all the notes the master list got but that wont stop me from writing!!! see ya next week!
Random thing of the week: Sebastian Stan's hair stylist followed me on my beauty blog instagram page & I have no idea why, so I've practically run my hands through his glorious hair by association! So random!
Tag List
@captain-asguard @clockblobber @marvel-fanfic-writer-8675 @lily-clark163 @kingfleury @mochie85 @val-writesstuff @enchantedbarnes @anonymously-ominous @criticaltrinket @enlyume @getofffmydick @sebsgirl71479 @nash-dara @tanyaspartak @cjand10 @spicoli-waves @ifilwtmfc @happytimeunicorns @sarapolare @buggy14 @kaiparker-avengerssmut @ka-x-in @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @justab-eautifulmess @openup-yourmind @namelessav @queen-mal @nikkig496-blog @mooievis @julesclues @l3itchy-but-cute @beware-my-thorns @giftedyoungster3000 @capswife @morganmofresh @buckyslucky @dev76ser @likeit-or-leaveit @blithecapricorn @redbarn1995 @intense-sneezing @littlelizardlizzie @lindsayslittlethoughts
357 notes · View notes
casuallivi · 1 year
Text
The Midnight Kiss
Azriel took a hike this chap 😬😬 his inner thoughts were secluded from me😓😓 Fear not, Elain had no problem in blabbing for three two . Enjoy your Elain-fest, i guess… Adopte an author today, and win the privilege of helping to keep the flame alive! See ya 😻😽
Enjoy. Comments are welcomed and cherished :)
Tumblr media
Part 6: In need of a Scotty to beam her up
Hands roaming each other's bodies in a hurry, a trail of discarded clothes leading to the bedroom, ragged breaths and frantic steps finding the way towards the bed, two bodies rolling around the sheets, her soft moans and his rough groans matching the “thud, ” of the headboard denting the wallpaper, a symphony of,
“Faster,”
“Harder,”
“Deeper,”
“There. Right there,”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
loud enough to haunt her nosy neighbor for days to come!
Had they been a regular couple, that’s how their third date would be coming to an end; in a steamy encounter between the sheets.
Since they were Azriel and Elain, their third date came to an end with the couple talking in his car, the engine roaring smoothly on the background.
Elain Archeron had been away from the dating scene for five years, yet the rules had not changed much: People expected to get laid by the third date. Sometimes on the first date, or even before having a first date! Bottom line is, go down dirty and hard in the first opportunity you have, put all the chemistry to test to avoid settling down with someone you have no interest in sleeping with. Despite not understanding the appeal of sleeping around, Elain agreed that a couple’s sexual life played a big part in the relationship. She also knew good bedroom chemistry turned into shackles when a guy treated you like shit outside of it. Worst bargain coin ever. Elain had been in one of those relationships before. It took so long for her to see how shitty her last relationship was, and finally break free from it, that once she did, Elain retracted from men all together. Hence the birth of her Crush Land.
Elain’s Crush Land was her happy place, a safe space where she could fantasize about the men she found attractive, without actually having to get involved with them. After all, it was much easier to crush from a distance than to get close and end up disappointed, especially when she had no confidence in maintaining a healthy relationship. In her Land the men were all perfect, flawless, fulfilling all of her expectations without her having to explain a thing. As every good sovereign, she establish ground rules for her Land, two unbreaklabe rules that kept her reign peaceful for years:
1º)This cannot be a one-Crush-land;
2º) The maximum of days a Crush can remain in his throne, is seven days. After that, he's trouble.
With time, Elain grow attached to her delusional lifestyle, content with her fantasies, her Crush Land providing all the male interaction she needed. Until she met Cassian.
Goddamn Cassian Marino, with his massive size and perfect round ass, sauntering into her life flaunting his silky hair and megawatt smiles, destroying everything she worked hard to perfect.  Cass refused to fit into her equation, shattering her one-week-crush mold, frequently appearing in her mind till he was the only guy she could fantasize about. Funny thing is that was her wake up call. Ah, Elain thought sadly, I must be lonely.
Loneliness was a bitch. Especially for someone like her, who had been in relationships more than she had been alone. That’s why her Crush Land was important. No matter how silly it sounded, it helped her to learn to be alone, feel fulfilled by herself, not depend on a partner to give her worth. Elain was worthy. And her ever growing infatuation with Cass was proof that she was ready to get back into the dating world, preferably with him.
Life was also a bitch, slapping her, laughing at her pathetic hopeful plans, rubbing Cass' smoking-hot grilfriend in her face, before she could even have the chance to embarass herself with a confession. Cassian deciding to start when Elain decided to start dating, only to end up dating someone that was not her would be hilarious, had it not happened to her. It did happen to her, and Elain was devastated. But no matter! She would not let that stop her from taking a leep of faith with another guy.
Did she expected for this guy to be Cass' brother? No.
Did she expect for this guy to be her work-nemesis? Also, no.
Did she expect for this guy to be both, and despite the fact she knew that, to accept dating him anyway? Absolutly not!
Sometimes spontaneity made her do crazy things.
Elain would be the first one to admit Azriel's credentials were not looking good. But no matter! Azriel had showed he was interested in moving on too, and Elain was nothing, if not an optimist. She was confident about her abilities to move on, ready to conquer any challange life throw her way! All she needed was a guy who was willing to take her, not tame her, and everything would work out.
That’s how she found herself in boss-turned-boyfriend situation. What Elain and Azriel were doing was different from everything she had ever tried. This time she started dating her boyfriend before even liking him properly, going on dates to get to know each other. And Elain was enjoying this “get to know me” stage, enjoying discovering the little things she would not know simply by working with him.
Despite not having his brother’s easy disposition to accommodate strangers and make everyone feel comfortable with a flash of his white teeth, Azriel wasn’t the cold-hearted tin man she anticipated. As she got to know him, Elain discovered Azriel had no problem in being open and honest about his feelings, his expectations regarding their relationship, his desire to fall in love with her.
Elain was surprised to know he wasn't just interested in moving on, he was interested in her too! Initially, she thought they would help each other get over their exes, gain confidence with the opossite sex, and move on to find actual partners. Azriel nearly blew a fuse when she told him that.
"Let me get this straight. You wanna date me, to date another guy?" "Yeah, we," "No." He stopped her. "You'll date another girl, too," "No." "Let me finish," "No. You are not dating another guy! Are you out of your damn mind?" He interrupted, a vein popping in his forehead. "I warned you, Elain, I warned you I don't do casual. You date me, you are mine, and I do not share what's mine. Fuck no, you'll not date another guy."
Elain thought women's hormones sure worked in mysterious ways, because she had no business finding a domineering man that sexy. So, she changed routes, treating him as a real boyfriend, trying her best to box all his annoying bits to focus in his qualities –a feature she spent the better part of a year believing he did not have. Turned out he did.
It pained her old self to admit this, but Azriel was excellent in his job. He was also beautiful –she was dying to get him in front of her lenses– educated –when he wanted to be– from a good family, with good values, and apparently, extra sexy when he claimed his domain of her. It would be a lie to say a man like that, showing interest in you, didn’t send butterfly into a frenzy in a girl’s belly. Azriel being an attentive boyfriend didn't hurt either.
Even busy, he made sure to text her here and there throughout the the week, matching his free time to hers so they could go on dates. Since their relationship changed from coworkers to lovers, he started watching his tone, policing himself to not lash at her as he usually would – in fact, Azriel was treating the entire team better. Taking did breaths to control his temper while rejecting ideas, reducing the number of times he indiretcly called them stupid during a day, and he had only told her to shut up twice this week – a progress if she ever saw one. It was her fault, honestly. Elain couldn't help it, provoking him was fun.
Plus, bantering didn't end with her wanting to punch his teeth out anymore, now they ended with him cornering her in the empty pantry, his office, the elevator, he parking lot, deseert corridors, Azriel tracking her down to bite the snarkiness out of her lips.
“Jesus, you are such a biter,” she pointed out one day, after a particularly sharp nip. “Learned from you,” he breathed in her mouth.
Guilty. Elain couldn’t get enough of his plushy lips, nibbling and sucking on them till Azriel lost his stark facade, self-control thrown out the window, forgetting they stood in company property to press her on the nearest corner, groaning into her mouth, closing his long finger around her throat, making a mess of her hair. The man seemed obsessed with her hair and her neck. Elain was quickly becoming obsessed with his neck too, tip-toeing to fill it with wet kisses, leaving hickeys at the base, just shy from the collar of his dress shirts, like a little secret hidden in plain sight. It felt good to brand her teeth on his skin. A small punishment for all the times he made he want to punch his face.
At the end of the day, Elain wasn’t in love with Azriel, but she sure liked being his girlfriend. So much so, that when he pulled up in front of her building, she began to stall, coaxing him into conversing a little bit longer, not wanting to part.
Now she sat in his car, asking him endless questions about a subject most girlfriends would avoid like the plague: His ex.
“So you never had a girlfriend? Like, never, ever.” She asked for the third time, stunned with the complex and crazy history of her boyfriend.
Elain knew it wasn’t proper to use their date night to play 21 questions about his ex, but she was a curious person.
“If you want to get technical about it. She didn’t want labels. Had no problems getting the advantages of one, tho.”
His eyes dipped to her leg, which was bare, courtesy of her peach pleated skirt, a question clear in his hazel orbs. Elain allowed silently, watching as he gently ran his knuckles over the longitudinal scar dividing her kneecap in two halves, the line of scar tissue lighter than her skin.
"Does it still hurt?"
"Only if it gets too cold. My doc said it’s psychological, I said he isn’t the one feeling the pins burning. I swear to you, my orthopedist is whack, never trust your knee to Edgar Montero from Beacon Hill, never."
"How many pins?"
Elain lifted two fingers. Azriel removed his hand.
"It's fine, most of the time I forget about it."
He reached for his jacket on the back seat, draping it over her legs.
“Thanks,” Elain undid the straps of her sandals, not noticing him adjusting the temperature, and crossed her legs under his jacket, snapping a quick pic of her covered legs, catching the shoes on his carfloor. Then she returned to the subject of her interest. “Oh man, that’s a lot of responsibility, being someone’s first girlfriend. Just so you know, I had a lot of boyfriends, lots of experience.”
Azriel turned on his seat to better face her. “I have a decade of experience.”
She used her hand to make and “0” shape, saying, “stil had zero girlfriends. Were you lonely?"
Elain was. In her last relationship, Elain felt lonely even though she wasn't alone. She never wanted to experience that feeling again.
Azriel merely shrugged. “Work kept me busy enough.”
“Life is more than fashion, Marino. Life is bitter without the sweet frosting of love."
"Let me guess: that's why you fall in love easily."
"touché." She winked at him.
His raven-hair touched the headrest, Azriel closing his eyes. "How many boyfriend are we talking about?" he asked casually.
"You sure you wanna know?"
"Mmh."
"Most people prefer not to know about their partners past..." she taunted.
Azriel opened one eye, giving her an incredulous look. "You are so full of shit. You literally spent," he looked at his watch, "one hour and twenty minutes interrogating me."
It was her time to shrug, playing it cool. "I'm confident like that." Bullshit. Freaking curious enough to put George to shame, that's what she was.
"Stop stalling." Damn it, he knew her antics.
"Since you insist. Don't go crying later!" she gave him a last warn, putting a hand on her chest. "Just so you know, I'm extremely loyal. Got my first boyfriend entering high school, dated him till senior year. We broke up, I started dating this other guy in college, we were together till I turned twenty-four – he kind of traumatized me a little, but that's story for another time. Then I met this cute guy on tinder, he was stinky rich, but I think his mom wanted to bone him." Elain grimaced, using air quotes to repeat the nasty words she had to hear. "That lady was not happy to see her 'precious golden boy' with a 'lousy photographer'. I am not lousy. A goddamn amazing photographer, that's wha I am. Dumped his ass and won a contest later that month, thank you very much, mama Vanserra.”
Six months after breaking up with Graysen, Elain got into a bad funk. She missed intimacy, missed sex, and the worst part, she missed Graysen. To avoid crawling back to him, she tried a dating app, finding Lucien Vanserra on the first swipe, who she got involved with for three blissful months. Then his crazy mother started wanting to compete with Elain for her son’s love and affection. The woman acted like her son was her late husband. Yikes.
“And?” Azriel urged to go on, his voice bringing her out of memory lane.
“And what?”
"You said you dated a lot, I'm waiting for the "lot" part."
Elain grabbed the front of his shirt, twisting the fabric. "How dare you criticize my lovely love history? You never had a girlfriend. You are like, like – a dating novice!”
Azriel made sure his eye roll was a deliberately slow one, grabbing her chin to bring her closer. “You dated two guys and a half.”
"Why a half?"
"You never dated the third asshole."
“Still dated more than you.”
“Questionable.”
Elain snorted, impressed with his audacity to judge her when he never managed to get a single girl to date him. Before she could tell him to shove it, Azriel ran his thumb across her lower lip. He knew just how to shush her, because Elain went inert instantly. 
“Are you done interrogating me, now?” She nodded. “Or do you wish to reminisce about your harem a little longer?” She shook her head.
There was no need to think about a witty reply. Azriel wasn’t actually interested in an answer, didn’t wait for on either.
He kissed her with all the patient she didn’t have, taking his time in tasting her lips; and there they were without fail, the goddamn fireworks blowing behind her lids like they did every time he touched her. Elain melted into him. His kiss was unhurried, throughtful, lips moving with the same tender assurance of the hand palming the beck of her neck, finger tangling in the waves at her nape, tugging in delicious way that was neither too harsh nor too tight. Perfect. His touch was perfect.
Elain endure the slow tempo the best she could, the kiss lingering like the sweetest of punishments. She let him conduct the pace till she was tingling all over, goosebumps coating her skin, Then she exploded, untamed and unleashed.
Where Azriel was calm, Elain was the storm. She wasted no time with gentleness, sticking her tongue in his mouth to deepen the kiss, delighting in his small flinch of surprise. Elain throw her arms around his neck like a desperate drowning girl in search of a life jacket to cling to, Azriel shuddering under her embrace, matching her wild pace with no struggle. Elain loved how versatile he was, changing from one type of kiss to another with easy, allowing her to guide him, to coach him as she saw fit. Heavy panting soon filled the air, the peculiar couple getting lost in the erratic kiss. When Azriel released her, his voice was lower than usual, rough on the edges, a black ocean smothering the beautiful hazel of his eyes.
"Is the experienced up to your standards, madam?"
She barely nodded, lipstick smudged all over, eyes glazed with need, searching for his mouth again.
Few were the things capable of turning Elain silent and compliant.
Azriel's kiss was on top of that list.
.
.
.
Elain sidestepped into the conference room carrying four colorful binders, arms feeling like jelly under the heavy weight, huffing from the small walks from the room to her desk. Okay, maybe the material wasn’t that heavy and she was the one out of shape. Christ, she needed to exercise more frequently. Elain could not remember the last time she did some cardio, except for running to the bakery two blocks down from her place. Fine, she needed to exercise, period.
She dropped her cargo on the long table, organizing the variety of fabric swatches, reference data and sponsoring proposals Nuala left in her care, snapping a quick photo of it all. Nuala caught a nasty flu she was trying to nurse before their business trip, leaving Elain, Miguel and Azriel to run their last meeting without her.
Speaking of Azriel…
Elain glanced expectantly at her boss, who was casually leaning against the table, focused solemnly on his tablet, scribbling over the interview draft Miguel presented to him. The assistant writer stood by him, eyes moving furiously from the object to his boss face, fidgeting like a child who waits for parental approval. These days Elain wasn’t much different, constantly rocking on her heels as she waited to snatch his attention.
The reminiscence of daylight seemed to clung to him, highlighting the deep navy of his dress shirt, the color making his profile stand out. The top button was undone, giving her the smallest glimpse of bronzed skin, Elain biting her lip as she remembered what was hidden by his shirt. At the height of his second button laid a little purple bruise, made by her. Elain sighed. How come he was able to stand there, doing nothing but breathe and be serious, and look as good as a seasoned model posing for the camera? Life was unfair. Well, not so unfair since she was the one who got to enjoy this big, sexy, handsome,
“Did your toddler redacted the last questions?” Azriel’s sharp remark interrupted her silent inspection of him. He didn’t raise his voice, didn’t have to, directing his piercing stare at Miguel, who scratched his head, saying,
“I don’t have kids.”
“Figured. A toddler knows better than to ask Wang personal questions. Keep it professional, focus in the progress of her career, she’s prone to be volatile if you don’t. Tis last page is useless. Do it again.”
“Yes, boss man. Will do.”
Behind them, Elain rolled her eyes at Azriel for ruining her sweet memories with his unwanted crudeness. Moments like this, she didn't like him one bit. Azriel wasn't lying when he said it was hard for him to connect with people, and once he got hyperfocused in his job that little detail shined light a beacon. The man was in serious need of an interpersonal relationship coach. Learning the difference between constructive criticism and public humiliation would do wonders to his character.
Elain slammed a clipboard on the table, making a grand show of pretending to sneeze three time, just to slip in the words, “quit,” “being,” “a jerk,” in between. She could hear Azriel taking a deep breath before his neck turned like the little girl in the exorcist.
“Excuse me?”
“You should say “bless you, love”, but thanks.”
Elain could swear the lights flickers. "Are you doing that?" Shuddering, she made the sign of the cross.
Azriel scowled harder. “Are you out of your meds again?”
Oh, the nerve of this man. Liked being his girlfriend her ass. Elain gave him the sweetest smile she could muster, ending up looking like a psycho on the loose.   
“Of course not, Marino. I have my medicine right here,” she pinched his cheeks, Miguel sucking his lips inwards to avoid laughing. “How could I look at this face and not feel healthy and energized? Don’t be a jerk, love, scowling gives you winkles, and God did not make me this hot to date a wrinkled old geezer.”
“I’m not old.”
"You are. Age is a state of mind, and yours show in your grumpiness." She tapped his cheek lightly, smoothing the frown from between his brows. "Relax for me," she said, then, a bit quieter, "that sounds awfully sensual doesn't it? Relax for me."
He seemed peeved, but Elain was positive he wanted to laugh. She could see his lips twitching in the corner.
"You know I'm still your boss, right?"
"So you've told me. Now stop scolding the poor boy, I don't his beautiful soul to be crushed by corporate world. You done with the interview, yeah?" she pushed the remaining binders closer to Azriel, explaining their contents. “Nuala asked to pass this along. This one has partnership proposals. She said to email her if you have any doubt, she’ll be glue to her phone in case you need her. This one has secured sponsors. Take a look at these gorgeous Jacobsen settees we can display on set.” She flipped all the way to page twenty-four, showing him a variety of furniture to choose from, watching him overseeing the selection with keen attention.
“They look rigid,” Azriel commented absently.
“You know all about that, don’t you?” See? Easy to provoke. “I’m aiming for uncomfortable. Is part of the first act. Nuala and I were playing with a couple of scenarios, and I did some sketches. My goal is for it to be hard on the edges, unpleasant, transitioning into a more and welcoming atmosphere once her apprentices come into the picture, color bleeding in. They are her missing piece, her equilibrium.”
She located the blue binder, spreading it open in front of her boss, displaying all the confidence and grace that she had mastered dealing with her previous clientele. Anxious brides needed reassurance, and Elain was an expert in gving it, gently guiding them into her vision with steady steps, making sure to accommodate their hidden desires to create the perfect shooting.
She showed them the pages, giving visual representation of how the model would look in the set, how the poses would convey the message. Azriel analyzed each page quietly, lost in contemplation, contrary to Miguel, who silently shook beside him, clutching his fist to his mouth.
Elain reached in front of Azriel to slap Miguel's arm. “What are you laughing at?”
“You said you sketched.”
“I did.” 
“Angelita, you drew a bunch of stick people.” He lifted the tip of a paper, trying to discern what the heck she had done there. Lots of circles and lines, that's what. “It’s impossible to understand this.”
Elain gasped out loud, dramatically clutching a hand to her chest, gluing the back of her other hand to her forehead.
"Here we go," Azriel muttered, getting out of her way.
Elain staggered towards Miguel, clinging to his jacket, shaking him left and right.
“My own friend. My brother in army!”
“Brother in arms.” Azriel corrected with a shake of the head.
Elain ignored him, way too deep into her theatrical redemption of a betrayed person, continuing her absurd discourse.
“My ally! Here I was, defending your maidenly honor, and you, you! You throw me under the bus! Thou shalt not kill, Miguel, thou shalt not kill! Why do you murder me like this! Have you no compassion? Have you no honor? Why do you betray me, why?" With a final cry, she sobbed into his shirt.
"Alright, alright. Get up now." Miguel held Elain up right, who was still pretending to be weak on the knees. “Couldn’t you have cut some old mags or something?”
“And give you some else’s vision?” her face twisted with horror, Elain pushing away from him to clean her fake tears. “No, thank you. This is an original shooting, with original concept, so we needed original drawings.” She tapped her index on the paper. “You have to look with your third eye, friend.”
“I have that?”
“Everyone does.” Fixing her hair in a ponytail, Elain wiggled herself between the two man, preparing to give a class they would not forget. “Pay attention, por sabor.”
“Por favor," he corrected amused.
“That’s what I said. Look, these are all different poses, kneeling, standing, laying down. I gave my blood for the stick people! Look! Here, she’s falling from a cliff into darkness, see, her arms are trying to grab salvation. Here, they are lying down, bored to death, in desperate need of something new, excitement. Then, boom! Wangsalvation. And here comes Vera," her passionate speech mellowed, for a shadow was casted over her, a strong frame trapping her between his body and the table. Elain wondered if Azriel had an inner furnace, because he always seemed to run hotter than her.
She cleared her throat, struggling to remain professional. "Vera is – Vera...? Yes! Vera. Vera will be waiting for her pupils, reaching her hand like the statue of a goddess, teaching her ways to the youth.”
The heat of Azriel's body seeped into her naked arms as he gently took a hold of her wrist, long soft fingers wrapping around her skin. Mouth-watering muscles flexed as guided her, making her point at something she could not care less.
"What's that one?"
Elain licked her lips, imagining how much prettier he’d look holding both of her wrists, pinning her hands above her head, binders dropped to the ground because she’d be the one spread on this table, harsh hazel eyes darkening with desire as he bent over–
“Models in opposite sides, touching each other’s faces.” She mumbled bewildered.
“Mmmh.” His purring vibrated on her back, Elain gulping at the awareness that she was straight out resting against his front. Her cheeks heated, eyes darting quickly to the witness in the room, only to find him distracted by his phone.
“Hey, Jerry read my email. He'll see me first thing tomorrow,” Miguel said casually. Jerry was their chief-editor, responsible for all the journalist aspects of an issue. “I’ll cut the last page and brainstorm new questions tonight. Maybe he can finish proofreading before we fly out.”
Azriel's hand moved from her wrist to her waist, resting casually at her hip. "I rather you proofread the winner's interview first. Wang is the last to go, there’s time to fix hers.”
“You sure?”
The two exchanged more words Elain didn’t pay an ounce of attention to, too busy digesting her latest daydream. The fact that her fantasies were now starred by a different Marino still caught her by surprise sometimes.
Surely, all that making out, like a couple of unsupervised horny teenagers, was messing with her brain chemistry. Because Azriel went from being nothing but a cranky boss, who made her blood boiling with impatience after their interactions, to be the protagonist of her x-rated story lines, sending her spiraling simply because he touched her wrist –not even her ass or titties, her goddamn wrist! This man’s touch needed to be studied.
The more she thought about it, the clearer it got: Elain not only liked to be Azriel's girlfriend; Elain liked Azriel.
A kiss on top of her head startled Elain back in the present, Miguel long gone from the room.
“I can smell your neurons burning.” Azriel joked, smelling her hair, kissing the same spot from before. The little excited thing in her chest went crazy. “Why is your heart beating so fast?” he whispered in her ear, “I can feel it in my chest.”
Crap, he could feel it?
Elain groaned.
At first, she thought Azriel Marino didn't had a flirtatious bone in his body, later, she understood he simply wasn't into cheesy reckless pick up lines like her. No, Azriel enjoyed other ways to take her off her feet, generally pointing things a gentleman should pretend he hadn't noticed! Sometimes it felt like this man was put on this earth to humble her. Christ, how was she supposed to flirt her way out this? Elain was in need of a Scotty to beam her up and away from here, before this man discovered her weakness. He was already way to powerful for her taste.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that my boss being inappropriate during office hours.”
“Now, she remembers I'm her boss. And you are inappropriate all the time.”
“Yeah, but it’s weird when you do it. I'm the funny partner in this relationship.”
Azriel used her jeans beltloops to turn her around till her ass was pressed on the table “Are you?” Since when had this man confused face been so adorable? "You are fun, but funny, tsk tsk. Funny is a big stretch."
His fingers dug in her in waist, cutting her cognitive abilities, stopping her from registering the insult. Was he going to put her up the table? God, she hoped he would. "Cute shirt."
Elain looked down on her white tee design, where two potted plants were having a conversation. One saying, "Aloe, how are you?", the other "Hey, long Thyme no see."
"Thanks."
He traced her lower lip, muttering. "No lipstick, today?"
Before she could control herself, Elain let her tongue dart outside, meetind the pad of his thumb. "Didn't want to smear you," she replied in a daze.
"Glass walls. Office hours." Came his low warning.
"Technically, we are past office hours. I'm friends with Marie, you know, the cleaning lady. She gave those glass walls an extra glow this morning, I can guarantee you'll find no germs in it. Now, if you wanna put some germs in it, I have a few ideas about what we could press there. Who. You. could press there. But I should warn you, the dress code suggestion may get a little skimpy."
There was no hidding his smile now, except he wasn't amused. His smile was wicked, smoldering hazel eyes hiding delirious promises. Azriel cleaned her saliva over her cheek, finding her neck.
Knuckles rapped against the glass wall; a melodious voice calling his name. Worse, calling him by a pet name.
"Az." The affectionate sugary tone made Elain grimace. And she wasn't the only one.
One blink and the burning desire in his eyes morphed into anxiety.
"Az?" His face paled. As if he couldn't believe the sound reaching his ears. Elain looked from him to the gorgeous woman in the doorway, checking her from feet to face.
Black stilettos, red strapless jumpsuit and sunglasses greeted her. Manicured red coffin nails clutched a tiny mini purse, beach blonde hair gathered at her nape in a low, elegant, ponytail, once again making Elain feel inadequate in her jeans and tee. Morrigan took her sunglasses off, giving Elain a view of her red swollen eyes.
"Az... Azriel." Her trembling voice calling his full name seemed to wake up Azriel from his trance. He withdrew from Elain completely, turning to Morrigan at last
"Hi." Uncomfortable silence stretched when he didn't greet her back. If Morrigan was saddened by his stiff reaction, she did not let it show. "Can we talk? Please. I really need to speak with you."
77 notes · View notes
radical-ghostface · 2 years
Note
Ryan Erzahler NSFW Alphabet 😆✊🏾 my boy barely gets any love and i dont understand why😭😭 love your fics btw😌❤️
No cause you're literally so right. I barely ever see any ryan smut or nsfw content so here you go! I hope its good!
☆ RYAN ERZAHLER NSFW ALPHABET ☆
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
I think ryan would be the type to be really sweet after sex. Like he would caress your face and give you that lil smile he does, and kiss you really gently. Ugh i just know hes the cuest thing.
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
His favourite of his own would be his hands. He knows they're hot.
And for his partner I think either smile or eyes. And a lil ass 😏
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
Hes for sure a cum in your mouth kinda guy. Either that or i can see him wanting to cum on your back.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
I think he listens to nsfw audios. And would maybe even secretly make a few himself 👀
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
Honestly i dont think Ryan is very experienced. Hes not a very social person and i can see that affecting his relationships/sex life. So i feel like he only really has sex with people that he connects with.
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)
Doggyyyyyy. 100% you cant change my mind. Giving AND recieving.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Ryans more of a serious guy when it comes to sex. Not a lot of joking around or bing goofy but hes not all serious. The right partner would bring it out.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
Clean shaven for sure.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
I feel like he would start out kind of stiff or awkward and then once he eased into it and got more comfortable he would be super passionate. Very into the moment, and possibly very heated.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
Ryan doesn't jack off very often at all. Maybe once a week? If that. He doesn't have a super high sex drive.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Neck. Biting.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
Almost always at home or in a bed. He would turn down a car fuck though 😏
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
Nerds. Lol no but like someone intelligent, we all know this man is a himbo okay? He need someone smart to balance him out. So i can see him sitting there listening to his partner talk about something he has no idea about (ex. Quantum physics 😏) and literally all he hears is gibberish because all he can think about is how hot the words sound coming out of their mouth. Know what i mean? Does that make sense? 😬
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Bondage. Its deffinitely not something he would feel comfortable with, like it just wouldnt turn him on at all.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
This man would never turn down a good blow job. Hes nore of receiver than giver but he knows what hes doing with his mouth
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Ryans the kinda guy who likes it intense, like passionate af. He loves to get really into it and just kinda lose himself to the passion and his partner.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
Hes not really a quckie kinda guy but he'll deffinitely do it if his partner asks.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Not a huge risk person, but he would experiment. Especially with threesomes. Dont ask me why, it just makes sense lol
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
I think ryan could go a solid 3 or 4 rounds before he couldn't cum anymore
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Hes always down to try different toys. He even has a few himself.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
This boy LOVES to be teased and over stimmed. To the point where his jaw is clenched and hes drooling just a lil 😏
But not much of a teaser himself.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Pretty quiet, he grunts and moans a lil but hes pretty tame.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
This man likes fucking in water. Period.
Also a slight mask kink 😉 cmon he loves horror, tell me he wouldnt love to be fucked my ghost face or michael myers.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Im gonna say hes somewhere around 7-8 inches, with it being more lengthy than girthy
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Again ryans sex drive isnt too high but it really all depends on his partner and the situation.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
I feel like he would stay up for a sold hour or so to cuddle and make sure his partner felt comfortable and loved ❤ few face/head and shoulder kisses and when he feels satisfied he'll let himself drift off.
172 notes · View notes
floralcyanide · 2 years
Text
10,000 Miles
Long Distance Relationship Austin Butler x Reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media
>> finally finished one of my WIPs! I had this idea one day and just had to write about it. PLEASE MIND THE WARINGS. I don't suggest reading this around other people lolll. also I'm sorry if this is formatted weird I'm posting from my phone 😬
pairing: Austin Butler x Reader
warnings: smut, minors please don't interact!! please!!!, oral (f and m receiving), mutual m*sturbation, squirting, dirty talk, I hope I'm not forgetting anything
word count: 3715
masterlist || add yourself to the taglist HERE!
Austin Butler. Your boyfriend of almost two years that you have yet to ever see in person. When the two of you met over Tinder, the pandemic had just hit, and Austin was all the way in Australia filming Elvis. He wasn’t able to come home, and you weren’t able to fly to Australia. In the beginning, you were genuinely shocked when the two of you matched. You had swiped right and thought nothing of it- you figured it was one of those too good to be true things in life and that he would never swipe right on you. But one day, you woke up, and there the notification was that Austin had, in fact, matched with you. Shock didn’t even describe what you were feeling. You knew who Austin was, and you had seen him many times on television as a teenager. You always thought he was charming and cute, and it turned out he was exactly that. Except you only know that because of texts, phone calls, and facetime instead of face-to-face experience.
Today, that’s about to change. Austin is finally coming back to America after finishing filming. You’re at the airport in the waiting area at his flight gate, scrolling through your phone. You anxiously look up from it every minute to ensure you haven’t missed him leaving the plane. It’s almost time for his flight to land, and your nerves are torn up. So many questions are running through your head. What if Austin doesn’t like what he sees? What if I look different in person? What if I’m not what he wants? What if he’s different in person? What if, what if, what if? Austin is a big celebrity now, and you’re just, well, you. You have a job and go to college, and that’s about it. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that, but in comparison to Austin, you don’t have an exciting life.
The screen that shows what time the plane is landing changes and now says Austin’s plane is in the process of landing. It feels like your heart skips an entire beat. It’s going to be about ten more minutes before Austin actually exits the plane. Those ten minutes are dragging by ever so slowly. You swear you’ve looked up from your phone every thirty seconds on the dot. You get sucked into a TikTok rabbit hole and forget where you are for a few minutes. Until in your peripheral, you see a large number of people walk past you. You hurriedly shove your phone in your pocket and stand up from your seat, eyeballing the crowd of people leaving the terminal.
You’re a reasonable distance away from the terminal, so you can easily spot Austin from afar and give yourself a second to have an initial reaction without being seen. A tall man with a beanie stands out in the crowd, and you recognize his face. It’s Austin. You gasp- you can hardly contain your excitement. Finally, he makes eye contact with you, luggage in hand. He stops and drops his bags, and a rush of adrenaline fills you as you all but run in his direction. You throw your arms around Austin’s neck as he pulls you as close to his body as possible in a crushing hug. You squeeze him back as hard as you can. Now that you have him in your arms, you never want to let go. But after a few minutes of holding each other, you both eventually pull away.
“Let me look at you,” Austin smiles, holding you by your face as he studies it.
You gaze up at him lovingly with the biggest smile on your face. This is everything you imagined it’d be.
“You’re more beautiful in person,” he tucks some hair behind your ear softly.
Your face burns at the compliment, even though Austin has told you that you’re beautiful more times than you can count. But this time, it’s different. This time it’s in person, in front of you, and to your face.
“And you,” you slide your hands from around Austin’s neck to his face, “Are far more handsome in person.”
He hums with a smile before leaning in to kiss you. When your lips meet, it’s gentle and soft. You have to contain yourself and only kiss him for a few seconds because you’re still in public. Pulling away almost reluctantly, you take in his face immediately after kissing him for the first time. Austin’s eyes are still closed, and there’s a content smile on his pretty lips. You planned on having your way with those lips later on. But for now, you’ll enjoy the simplicity of being in his presence.
“We should get going if we wanna beat traffic,” you whisper, causing Austin’s eyes to snap back open.
“Yeah, we should get out of here,” he says before grabbing his bags.
You grab some of his luggage for him despite his protests, and the two of you leave the airport and head to Austin’s apartment. You both live in L.A., which means you’ll be seeing each other whenever Austin isn’t away filming. However, for the next week, you’ll be staying over at his place, so you won’t have to worry about going back and forth from your apartment every day. Austin’s palm and fingers take up almost your whole thigh as you drive. He keeps his hand there the entire way to his apartment as he sneaks glances at you when not looking at his phone. Austin had to be touching you in some form since he went without being able to for so long. Two years of just texting and calling were sometimes miserable. Especially if either of you needed comfort or intimacy. Both of you are incredibly touch starved at this point between the longing and separation. Of course, there were times the two of you had to compromise. Phone sex wasn’t out of the equation entirely. It embarrassed you the first time you had touched yourself with Austin on the phone listening, but over time it became easier. Facetiming while getting off was far more intense. You could see each other while doing that, at least. Sexting wasn’t rare- it was actually the easier form of sex between the two of you, especially when you both were busy all the time. If you had to choose from all three, you would prefer facetime. But now, it’s safe to assume you and Austin will prefer the real thing over all else.
Even though you’re both ready to jump each other’s bones at any second, today will be spent getting to know each other a little more and resting. You know each other inside and out despite being ten thousand miles away for two years, of course, but getting to know someone face-to-face is a whole other deal. Plus, Austin is incredibly jet-lagged, so he probably isn’t as energetic right now. Finally, you reach his place and bring inside all of his luggage. You insist Austin get some rest, and you can just chill out while he does, but he refuses.
“Let me shower, and I’ll just stay with you in the living room. I’m not that tired,” Austin argues.
You sigh, “Fine. But you’ll be super tired tomorrow, pretty boy.”
He strides over to you in the living room from where he’s standing in the hall, grabbing your face again, “Pretty boy, huh?”
Heat shoots up your neck at his sudden proximity, “Yep. Now go shower before you get distracted,” you chuckle.
“Too late for that,” Austin mumbles before connecting his lips to yours.
Now it’s just the two of you alone in Austin’s apartment, and you can kiss however you want for however long you want. It’s a dangerous game when you’ve never been around each other. Austin has you pulled as close to him as possible, his hands gripping your face like you’re going to vanish from his touch any second. He deepens the kiss, running his tongue over your bottom lip. You pull away, much to his disliking.
“Baby, I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Go shower and unpack. I’ll still be here,” you say, putting a hand on his cheek, to which he nudges his face into your palm in response to your touch.
“Fine,” Austin drawls before kissing your nose and walking towards his bedroom.
You remain in the living room, where you sit on the couch and surf through streaming platforms until you finally settle on your favorite show. You’ve seen it tens of times, but you don’t care. Just something to do until Austin finishes what he needs to do. After a while, you nearly forget where you are from being so engrossed in the show. It isn’t until your boyfriend walks up next to you that you’re shaken out of it.
“Why am I not surprised you’re watching this?” Austin chuckles before sitting next to you.
You roll your eyes and playfully shove his arm, “It’s my favorite. Of course I’m watching it.”
Austin just smiles at you. He can’t get over you being here with him right now. He pulls you into his side, burying his face in your neck. He stays like that for a while, and eventually, you feel his breathing calm. He’s fallen asleep. You decide to wait until the episode finishes to gently wake him and get him to bed.
“Aus, baby, it’s time to go to bed,” you whisper, stroking his hair to make him stir a little.
Austin groans and buries his face deeper into your neck, his arm around your shoulders. You slowly remove his arm and pull away from his face before standing up. He sleepily blinks up at you, a little upset you disturbed his sleep. You offer a hand out to him to pull himself up from the couch. He begrudgingly walks behind you with his hand still in yours as you turn off the TV. Austin makes a beeline to the bed, and you go through your bag to get into comfier clothes. It’s dark, and you’re pretty sure he’s already passed out, so you start stripping. It’s not until you’re fully undressed that Austin lets out a low whistle.
“Beautiful,” he says, his voice still hoarse from the little bit of sleep he got.
“Go to sleep,” you joke as you pull on a t-shirt and shorts.
“Not until you’re next to me,” Austin says.
You nearly melt into a puddle at his words. When you climb into the bed, you’re immediately pulled into Austin’s chest. He wraps his legs around yours as he snakes his arms around your waist. You can’t move, but you don’t mind. There’s nowhere else you’d rather be.
When you wake up, your face is squished into Austin’s chest with your arm thrown over his torso. He’s sound asleep, light snores leaving his slightly opened lips. You can’t help but admire how absolutely gorgeous Austin is, even when his hair is an absolute mess, and stubble covers his face. You could get used to waking up to him every day. You’re so lost in thought you don’t realize Austin is now awake and peering down at you through barely opened eyes.
“You know, it’s weird to stare at people,” Austin mumbles, his voice deep from sleep.
“But you’re so pretty,” you smile, tracing shapes on his abdomen.
Maintaining eye contact, the corners of Austin’s lips curl up into a small smile, “I love you.”
You inhale sharply at the three little words. You’ve said it over the phone and texted it many, many times. But this was the first time he’s said it in person.
“I love you too,” you say back before facing your head away from Austin, nuzzling into his shirt.
He pets your head as a happy warmth fills your body. In your line of sight, you notice the covers dip just below Austin’s stomach, revealing a morning bulge. You can’t tear your eyes away from it. It’s only the second day, but after two years of being unable to touch each other, maybe waiting can be tossed out of the window. Besides, now you’re here to do something about his problem instead of talking him through it over the phone.
“Need some help with that?” you muse out loud, rubbing your hand over Austin’s lower stomach, dangerously close to his hard-on.
“No, baby. It’s fine,” Austin kisses your head before sliding up into a sitting position, “I’ll take care of it.”
You’re now sitting up too, hovering over his body slightly, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Austin waves dismissively before getting up from the bed.
You put a hand on his chest to stop him, “Can I watch?”
His breath hitches in his throat for a moment before he nods, settling back into his sitting position. After removing his t-shirt, Austin pulls his cock out from his briefs and gives himself a few pumps as you watch intently. He runs a hand up his abdomen slowly as he gains a rhythm with his hand, running his thumb over the tip to gather the precum that has gathered. You can’t help the wetness that pools between your legs at the simple sight of Austin getting himself off. Sure, you’ve seen it through your phone many times, but it happening in front of you was far more erotic. You bite your lip, wanting to touch him so badly, but you resist the urge. Instead, you sit beside him and mirror his posture as you start sliding your hands along your thighs. Austin throws his head back and sighs, his eyes closed in pleasure. He was absolutely flawless like this.
You dip a hand into your shorts, pushing your underwear to the side as you circle an experimental finger around your clit. Your gaze doesn’t leave Austin’s hand, slowly guiding itself up and down his length. Matching the pace of his hand, you take two fingers and start rubbing the bundle of nerves. A quiet moan escapes your lips, and Austin rolls his head to the side to look at you. His eyes are glossed over, and his eyelids grow heavy from looking at you touching yourself next to him.
“Fuck,” Austin mutters, quickening his strokes.
You quicken yours as well, sneaking a hand up your shirt to grasp one of your breasts. Quickly, you pull down your shorts and underwear and kick them to the side. You toss your left leg over Austin’s right one, and you let your other leg dangle off the side of the bed, giving you easier access to your slick pussy. Inserting a finger into your entrance, you use your thumb to flick your clit. You add another finger immediately, already incredibly wet as you fuck your fingers in time with Austin’s thrusts into his hand. You and Austin are gazing into each other’s eyes as you fuck yourselves, breathless moans, and gasps coming from your mouths. Removing your hand from your breast, you meander your way to Austin’s available hand on his chest, grasping onto it.
He uses the pad of his thumb to play with his tip, eyes still not leaving yours, “I’m getting close, babe.”
The deepness of his voice turns you on even more, but you decide to stop touching yourself and climb over to Austin’s lap.
“I want you to cum in my mouth,” you say, lowering yourself onto his legs as you hover your face by his cock.
Austin guides his length over to your mouth, where you take the tip into your mouth and suck as he continues to pump himself.
“You’re so beautiful like that,” Austin smiles, blissed out, “Gonna swallow for me?”
You nod as you kitten lick the precum that’s continuously leaking. He squeezes his cock as he pumps faster, his breathing getting quicker. You feel Austin twitch before he releases into your mouth, a hot stream of cum running down your throat. You keep sucking on his head until he’s done riding out his high.
“Come here, babe,” Austin motions for you to sit up.
You lift your body off his thighs and crawl back over to your spot in the bed next to him. He pulls you onto his lap, where you’re facing away from him, your back against his chest. Austin slides his hands along your hips and waist, tugging up your shirt before completely removing it from your torso. You didn’t sleep with a bra on, so you’re both now completely naked. Austin pulls your legs as far apart as they can go, pushing your right leg into your side, so you’re splayed out for him. He runs his hands across your thighs before putting his index and middle finger on either lip, spreading your pussy open further.
“So perfect. All for me,” Austin whispers in your ear, sending a shiver through you.
“All for you,” you gasp as he slams two fingers inside you, instantly curling them.
With his other two fingers, Austin draws circles on your clit as he relentlessly finger fucks you. Your breathing picks up as your abdomen tightens, waves of pleasure shooting through your body as his fingers hit your g spot. Austin feels you clench around him, and he removes his fingers. He prods your mouth open to put his fingers covered in your slick against your tongue. Austin starts furiously rubbing your pussy as obscene wet sounds echo in the room.
“Oh fuck,” you cry, arousal spreading around your core and thighs from Austin’s hand moving at an alarming pace.
“Who’s pussy is this, hmm?” he growls in your ear, not letting up on his assault as he pulls his hand from your mouth.
“Yours,” you choke out pitifully, your eyes beginning to water from the intense ecstasy.
Austin pushes your bent leg flat against the mattress, allowing your core to spread impossibly wider and allowing him to swipe his hand over more of your pussy. You’re about to cum, and hard. No one has ever touched you like this, and although it’s downright filthy and off the rails, it’s going to send you into overdrive. The sound of your drenched pussy being rubbed furiously overtakes the sound of your labored breathing. You can feel an intense warmth forming in your lower stomach as your eyes roll into the back of your head.
“I’m gonna fucking cum,” you whimper, your hands finding purchase in the fitted sheet as you grip it.
“You wanna cum?” Austin bites your ear lobe, “Cum for me, baby.”
Everything turns white as your stomach contracts, a powerful gush of arousal leaving your body. As your orgasm takes over, your body convulses while Austin is still not letting up on his unrelenting pace. You open your eyes, and as your pussy twitches, you squirt everywhere again, much to your boyfriend’s delight. You gasp as your body finally falls limp, and Austin pulls his hand away.
“That,” he pauses with a breathy chuckle, “Was so hot.”
Your face burns when you notice how soaked the bedding is.
“God, I’m sorry about making a mess,” you say, your breathing evening out, “I’ve never done that before.”
“It’s okay, babe,” Austin kisses your neck softly, “Was it worth the wait?”
“It was definitely worth the wait,” you laugh, “I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard.”
Before you can say or do anything else, Austin gathers your hair in his hand before he pushes you off. He forces your face down into the mattress with your ass in the air, your thighs still glistening from your fluids.
“Wanna do it again?” Austin asks, running his free palm from between your shoulder blades down your back until it reaches your asscheeks.
“Fuck me,” you wiggle your hips, your voice muffled.
Austin grips your hips as he lines up with you, plunging in easily.
“Still so wet.” he moans.
You push yourself against him every time he thrusts forward, causing him to bottom out and his tip to hit your cervix. Austin presses his hand to your lower stomach, feeling himself inside your abdomen with every snap of his hips. The pressure causes both of you to moan.
“Can feel you in my stomach,” your face contorts into a look of outright pleasure as Austin speeds up his thrusts.
His hand that’s in your hair has an unforgiving grip, your head being pulled back every time Austin moves. He pulls you up completely, wrapping an arm around your neck and holding you to his chest by a headlock. Austin’s other hand finds your clit as he pounds up into you.
“Please,” you beg, a second orgasm creeping up on you.
“Please, what?” He asks teasingly while biting into your neck.
“Please, I wanna cum again,” you whine with both your hands gripping Austin’s arm.
“Wait until I tell you, baby,” he says, his voice completely wrecked from the excursion.
Austin is merciless as his hips snap forward. You feel him twitch as his thrusts become more erratic and off rhythm. His arm that has you in a headlock presses against your neck, cutting off airflow slightly as he begins to lose himself.
“Go ahead, and cum for me, doll,” Austin grunts in your ear, and stars fly behind your eyes as your second orgasm takes over your body.
You clenching around him sends him over the edge as he moves in and out of you. Austin pulls out and watches with hooded eyes as his cum and your arousal leak from your pussy. He takes a finger and runs it up your slit, causing you to shudder. You collapse onto the bed, turning over on your back before looking up at your boyfriend. Austin runs a hand through his hair lazily before laying down next to you.
“That was amazing,” you exhale.
Austin pulls you to his sweaty chest, wrapping both arms around you, “That it was.”
“I think it was worth two years of waiting,” you say as you draw circles on his skin.
“I love you so much. You know that, right?” Austin says offhandedly.
“I love you too,” you grin.
Whether it’s 10,000 miles or 10 steps away, you would do anything for him, and he would do anything for you.
taglist: @cozacorner @onxlymnsn @anangelwhodidntfall @butlersluvbot @jolovesfandoms @austinbutler17 @slutforblueeyes @mamaspresley @mirandastuckinthe80s @bobbykennedyfan @sodonebruh @lizzymizzy-blogg @defnotreadingfanfics12 @izzvoid @homebodybirkin2003 @kaycinema @thatonemoviefan @kittenlittle24 @tubble-wubble @annamarie16 @adoreyouusugar @csmt-m @apparently-sunshine @amiets2 @emchickynuggies @mrs-butler @mesbouquins @ari-nicole @xmusse @austin-butlers-gf @feral4austinbutler @inlovewithchrisevans @shynovelist @mommy-maia @popeheywardssecretgf @Venxfinn3 @westwoodcoast
Tumblr media
251 notes · View notes
souryogurt64 · 6 months
Note
if you feel comfortable talking about it, was accutane worth it for you? I’m about to discuss it with my derm but am worried (confidence-wise) about showing up to my people-facing job during the initial flare
Yeah I'm pretty open about it and am happy to answer any questions you have as well as Write A Manifesto. Accutane was 100% worth it. I finished in April and I've had perfect skin ever since. I wish I had gone on the meds much earlier in life.
I will say I broke out pretty bad on the meds and I did not completely stop breaking out until I went off the meds after 6 months. My derm wanted me on it until my skin cleared but I could not handle it anymore so I said I wanted off and then my skin magically became perfect.
To be completely transparent, the side effects are pretty bad. Bone pain, brain fog, suicidal, crying, short temper/general mental instability, rosacea, dry eyes, hair loss (telogen effluvium after meds are over and extreme breakage), chapped lips, dry nose, eczema, worse vision, headaches, styes, everything. You can't wear contacts for as long either. You are also drinking a ridiculous amount of water and peeing constantly.
I will say I was doing utility at a brewery and it involved a lot of heavy lifting and harsh chemicals. A lot of the side effects got better once I quit and started taking it easy.
A side effect I was not prepared for is that your body stops producing any oil. You basically never "need" to shower, but you also can't really wear makeup because it's like your skin isn't skin. It's like trying to smear dry paint on concrete and your skin also starts coming off. This made the breaking out and rosacea thing hard to deal with. I also stopped menstruating and wouldn't really get "wet". I was also not prepared for the whole asshole ripping thing but that's only like month 2 or 3 then it goes away.
Also, your hair and skin type are permanently different after which means a lot of makeup and other cosmetic products like shampoo aren't going to work for you anymore. After the meds I also had to like relearn how to drink water -- because I wasn't dying of thirst all the time I would forget to drink anything and basically fainted a few times.
All this being said, Accutane was one of the best decisions I've ever made and I strongly recommend it to anyone. I tried all OTC products as well as minocycline, birth control, spironolactone, retinol, clindamycin, azelaic acid, chemical peels, everything and nothing worked. I did have to ask for it and push pretty hard to get on it. I also refused to go on birth control so I had to jump through a lot of hoops. Some states are stricter than others on that.
This also might be weird to say but I feel like being on the brink of like medical insanity made me figure out what I wanted to do with my life and I feel like I made decisions and took steps I wouldn't have had the motivation to do otherwise, which was good as well
If you stock up on stye relief eye drops, Aquaphor, Cerave, lotion, Chapstick, Ibuprofen, and fingerless gloves it should be easier to manage. I wish I deep conditioned my hair more on the meds too.
Anyway here are photos
This was what my skin looked like for all of college ( in the flourescent dorm bathroom lighting too 😬)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This was midway through meds then what I looked like a few weeks after I finished the meds — you can see the rosacea
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This was me probably 2-3 months post meds
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Then this is me around now including Literally Right This Second lol. As you can see it is life changing medication
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
16 notes · View notes
shutupptara · 2 years
Text
Change Your Ticket - Brandon Tanev
summary: you wake up early in the morning, prepared to head out to catch your flight home. Brandon has other ideas
word count: 1,374
warnings: none, maybe sleepy Brandon bc he deserves his own warning
Blame my 5hr flight home in which I had One Direction on shuffle. It’s not necessary, but you might want to listen to change your ticket by 1D while reading - it’s the true inspiration here. Unedited so all mistakes are my own 😬
Brandon groans when he hears an alarm cutting through the peaceful silence of his bedroom. He just squeezes his eyes shut and tries to tighten his grip on his girlfriend’s waist, though she’s squirming in his grip.
“I gotta get up bubs,” she whispers to him. Eventually, she’s able to wriggle herself up into a seated position and shut her alarm off. He can feel the shift in the bed as she climbs out of it, heading straight for the bathroom without a word.
Brandon lets his head slump down in his pillow, mind still groggy and nearing sleep again. He knows he needs to be getting up too; her flight is supposed to take off in a few hours, and he wants to be there at the airport to see her off. This is always the hardest part of her visits, and each time, it only seems to get worse. Brandon hates having to say goodbye, tries to avoid it at all costs really, but that doesn’t make it any less frequent. Long distance sucks, but he’d take that over not having her any day of the week.
His eyes open slowly when he hears her step out of the bathroom. She flicks the light on in the room, and he squints. He doesn’t bother lifting his head from his pillow, just looks on as she starts gathering all of her belongings and getting them into her bag she’s got resting at his feet. She doesn’t pay him any attention, and he knows she’s thinking the same thing he is. They’d shared a wonderful long weekend in Seattle, but it went by too quickly. It always does.
He watches silently as she gets dressed, stuffing her pajamas into her bag haphazardly. When she’s got everything in order she slings her bag over her shoulder, finally turning her attention to where Brandon is still beneath the covers. She quirks an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look. “I thought you wanted to come with me?”
“I do,” he assures her. “But we’ve still got time left, sweetheart. Come get back in bed...” he lifts the comforter up for her, widening his soft brown eyes.
She sighs, shaking her head. “Bran, you know we don’t. The traffic is going to be nuts-“
“Take that bag off your shoulder,” he insists. He pushes himself up until he’s sitting against the headboard, arms crossed over his chest. “Come here.” He can tell she’s frustrated; she certainly doesn’t want to leave either, but Brandon prolonging their goodbye just puts unnecessary stress on her. She can’t miss her flight, and while he’d never actively try to make that happen, he wouldn’t be entirely imposed to the serendipity of it.
Despite this, she concedes. She drops the bag at her feet and climbs back into bed, crawling up until she’s situating herself in Brandon’s waiting arms. He holds her close against his chest, his face pressed into her hair, breathing her in while his fingers trace circles on her back. She sighs in contentment, and lets her resolve slip, just a little bit.
Brandon feels like home: safe and comfortable, and the last thing she wants to do is have to leave that again.
“I can’t believe this weekend is over already,” she frowns.
Brandon hums in agreement. He knows he shouldn’t complain. It was a blessing in itself that she was able to come out for opening night, and they’d spent two months of the recent off season together. A wonderful two months, though it still wasn’t enough for him. While he cherishes the time they do get to spend together, he wants more, and he knows he probably always will. But that’s a difficult conversation for another day. He doesn’t want to push and run the risk of her leaving upset with him. So for now, he just holds her close to him, and nuzzles his face against her neck.
She groans, pouting. “You’re making it really hard for me to leave.”
“Don’t go,” he says immediately.
This draws a sign from her lips. “Brandon...”
“It’s not the same when you’re gone,” he cuts her off. He lifts his head until his eyes are locked with hers. He can see flecks of gold in the soft color of her eyes, catching the sunlight streaming through the window, and he smiles shyly. “And I don’t want to send you all the way back to the east coast to be by yourself. You know it’s not good to be all alone.”
She rolls her eyes. “I live twenty minutes from my parents. And I’ve got my friends; you know I won’t be alone.”
He’s quiet for a moment, considering this. Obviously she’s going to be able to poke holes in any argument he makes. She’s got responsibilities back home, just as Brandon has responsibilities in Seattle. It’s just not plausible for her to drop everything to be with him, but that doesn’t mean he can’t wish for it. “What about me?” He mumbles.
“You’re constantly surrounded by your teammates, don’t give me that,” She deadpans. She reaches a hand up, cupping Brandon’s jaw lightly. “Please don’t make me feel worse about this. I don’t want to leave, but I have to.” He nods. Every part of Brandon is so proud of her for building a life she loves. He knows she’s doing work she’s passionate about, and he would never stand in the way of that. He just wishes her dreams didn’t have to keep her so far away from him.
“I’m sorry. You know I’m so proud of you,” he reminds her. “I just hate saying goodbye.”
“I know, I do too,” she assures him. She leans in to rests her forehead against his, her eyes falling shut. “Especially since there’s barely any sense in my going into the office right now. But heading back just means we’re getting closer to breaks: Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here so soon.”
The hopeful part of Brandon seems to light up as she tells him this. It’ll be a long shot, but he figures it’s at least worth the offer. “If it’s not that important for you to be there, you should probably stay here with me a couple more days...”
“You know I can’t,” she says.
“Just play hooky on Monday. You have to come to the game against the Canes,” Brandon reasons. The more thought he gives this idea, the better it sounds. If she takes Monday off, she’d be able to stay with him in Seattle until Wednesday night, catch the red eye out after the game against the Blues. It would give them an extra two days, and Brandon’s prepared to fight for that time as much as he can.
Much to his surprise, she appears to be considering it. She has her lower lip drawn between her teeth, and her brow is furrowed. “I don’t want my supervisor thinking I’m unprofessional... we haven’t discussed working remotely while working from home.”
He shrugs slightly. “Tell them your flight got cancelled.”
“Karma is going to kick my ass for this.” When she lets out a long sigh, Brandon knows she’s going to give in. He suppresses his smile by trailing her jaw with kisses.
“Let me change your ticket, baby,” he breathes. He drags his lips down the column of her throat, sucking on the sensitive skin gently. “Please, stay with me?” He peers up at her through his lashes, and he slides his hand further down her back, toying with the hem of her shirt. He slips his fingers underneath it, drawing goosebumps as he ghosts his fingertips over her skin.
“Okay,” she breathes, finally letting her heart win out over her head. She could deal with the logistical nightmare she was creating when she got back to reality, but for now, there was just her and Brandon in the haven they’d created for themselves.
Brandon’s whole face lights up when she agrees. He lifts his head up and captures her lips in a deep kiss, pulling her body even closer. “I love you,” he whispers, sighing in content.
“I love you too.” She nuzzles her face into the crook of his neck, letting her eyes fall shut.
65 notes · View notes
allthingsfook · 8 months
Note
I'm gonna keep this anonymous cause personal but not really hehe!
I am a 21-year-old woman who's 5'5 and with light brown hair, fair skin, and Brown/green eyes (they change color in different lighting). I have a little mole (beauty mark) on the left side of my face, kind of full lips, and where little to no makeup daily. I'd say my body type is mid-size (192 lbs and I can fit into M/L/XL so it's hard to tell) and I'm not too curvy.
I'm an Aquarius Sun, Virgo rising, Capricorn moon, and Venus in Aquarius. My hobbies are painting, drawing, and any kind of visual art. I love rock music, both old and new, and will sometimes listen to folk music. I'm entering my fourth year of college as an Arts Management Major and Comm minor (still got a way to go till I graduate cause shit's expensive) and ideally would love to be a part-time artist and work in PR or Journalism.
I come off as shy and particular with a little stubbornness, but as you get to know me I open up and will laugh with you and share things I'm passionate about whether it's big or small. I will always try to hide my emotions around you and if we are really close you'll be able to get me to talk about it cause you know how I try to mask it all.
Extra facts: I love cats, I love pasta so much it's what I eat the most, I am a caffeine addict, and I have never dated anyone.
Who would you ship me with?
Sorry if this was long 😬
Hiiii!!! I am so incredibly sorry this has taken me this long to get through my inbox, BUT good new is…. You are last, but MOST DEFINITELY not least!!! I won’t make this drag out any longer, so lets jump into it!!
I ship you with….
Daniel Robert Wagner
Let’s start with the zodiac compatibility… Both Capricorn’s and Aquarius’ are intentional with their love lives. You are cautious, yet open-minded. You take time to build a trusting relationship, and slowly approach each other’s vulnerabilities and insecurities together. Danny would be the best partner to help you through that. He is incredible patient and kind. He would wait as long as you need him to for you; just to feel safe with him. He’d assure you along the way, not only with his words, but with his actions. Once all the walls are broken down, you’d share a stable and positive life.  
With the foundation of your relationship being extremely strong, it’s easy to see how the rest of it can fall into place. Your hobbies are things I could easily see Danny eager to do with you. Clearly Danny is a very talented man, not just with drumsticks in hand… maybe a paint brush or marker. He’d jump at the chance to hunker down into a cozy corner of the house with you, skim through pages of an activity book and color you a purple monkey. He’d hold it up to you like a proud 1st grader and sport a cheesy smile. You’d giggle and tell him you love it! I could see you discovering an old rock song one day. Playing it in the shower, the car, and around the house. Danny would recognize the tune and quickly learn how to play it on the guitar. One night while he is playing around, he’d start casually playing that song. You’d slowly catch on and begin dancing around, singing the lyrics with him. Those are the moments he would live for with you. So innocent and playful. Just what he needs after years of rigorous touring and creating.
Danny, per usual, would be extremely supportive when it came to your education. He’d understand the need to take things slow or even taking time away from it. For someone who didn’t have to go to college, he’d seem to know a lot about the woes of it. Or maybe he is just that insightful to your feelings. He’d be your biggest cheerleader on the days you get stellar grades. Then he’d be your shoulder to cry on when things get tough. No matter the circumstance, he’s always going to stand beside you. When you do complete your academics, he’ll be blushing over you. Showering you with reminders of how far you’ve come and how smart you are. When you are ready to step foot into a career, Danny would be hyping you up on social media, and getting your name out with his contacts. We love a supportive man!!!
I suppose it is the Aquarius in you that identifies with being shy and stubborn. Definitely a few things Danny would be able to handle. Compared to the other boys, Danny is certainly a little more reserved. That may be the very thing that unites the two of you when you first meet. He’d notice you behind your drink and subtle smirks over the obnoxious gal in the room. Once the two of you have been together for a while, he’ll get a taste of that stubbornness. Again, Danny is so understanding and not very quick to temper. He’ll have his ways of taming you. Not in a dismissive or demeaning way either. He’d be kind and understanding. Giving you reason and words of affirmation. Once you come back down to earth, your passionate, loving, beaming soul will shine again. The very reasons Danny would love you!
To address your tid bits:
Danny would adopt any cats you may have now, and if you don’t have any (or want more) I could see him coming home with a tiny kitten in the palm of his hand with a bell on it’s collar. He’d insist on naming it something like Ludwig or Ramone.
Danny would also love a good bowl of pasta. As I am sure you know, he is a great cook and the minute you beg for a pasta dish, he’ll be in the kitchen boiling it up.
Danny would share and feed into your caffeine addiction. If that is in the form of coffee, he’d always be making early morning coffee runs. Greeting you with a cup in hand.
And finally, Danny would be so accepting and understanding of you not being in a relationship. He’d agree to take things slow and guide you through everything. His want for you to feel comfortable and safe is so profound. You will quickly understand how deeply he would care for you!
Alright!!! I so hope you are happy with this ship! As always, let me know what you think! I always love to hear back!!!!
Tumblr media
7 notes · View notes
andreafmn · 2 years
Text
Heartbeat - Chapter 3
Tumblr media
Word Count: 3.7K
Story Description: (Y/N) Marks had no free time. From studying for med school, working her rounds for clinical, and the occasional babysitting her sisters sprung on her, she was all booked up. But none of that stopped her from aiding her sister and their best friends to rob a grocery store. She could have never guessed those couple of minutes would be enough to change her life forever or that it would lead to her meeting the man that would catalyze that shift.
Mood Board/Character Face Claim
Chapter: 3/?
Warnings: graphic mentions medical procedures and possible death, mentions of blood and violence
A/N: Had to repost chapter three for some reason. But, here it is. Give some love to this story, please 😬 I love it too much
If you enjoy my writing, I’ll also be posting them with original character inserts in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories. You can request at any time any story or one-shot you desire. Hope you enjoy, and all constructive criticism is encouraged.
Follow 😊 -> TikTok • Instagram • Business
Let me know if you’d like to be tagged or if you have any requests! My inbox and comments are open. Remember that to be tagged you must allow tagging on your settings.
<- Previous | Next ->
Chapter 3
“Before getting to what you need to do,” he licked his lips. “I’m gonna need to make sure you don’t got anything on you that can be used against me.”
“I have a bag full of medical equipment that could harm you,” she retorted. “Need I remind you I am here as a doctor. And if you contacted me, it’s because there is someone that needs medical attention.”
(Y/N) knew she was pushing her luck, but she had the upper hand at that moment. And she was going to play it.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared of a little body check, (Y/N),” the man chuckled. “Or is there something you’re hiding from me, sweetheart?”
“I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“Then you won’t oppose to a little body search.”
“Fine.”
The girl set down her bag on the floor, spreading her arms and legs into a star pose. He neared her slowly, his eyes perusing her body like she was the last drop of water in the desert. The man stalked his prey, taking his time to drink in her image before placing his hands on her.
He started by the arms, making the hairs on her body stand upright, directing chills all over her veins. His hands were rough, a little calloused. He drove up her arms, kneading her skin softly through the long-sleeve T-shirt she had on. He landed on her shoulders before falling to the sides of her breasts, earning a strangled breath from (Y/N).
She had been holding her breath since she first felt his touch, but the closeness of his hands to such a sensitive area drew out an unconscious sound from within. (Y/N) felt his breath on her neck as he chuckled at her reaction. He was so close she wasn’t sure where his body stopped and hers began.
The man continued the search, sleuthing for something he knew was not there. The most dangerous weapon the girl had on her body was her smile – one glance of it and she could have whatever she wanted, not that he’d tell her.
They both knew he was toying with her, coming up with a baseless excuse to feel up her body. But neither minded much. If there was a speck of honesty between the pair, they would confess that they’d rather forget there was a person in need of medical help and engage in a more… physical activity.
A minute later, the man was standing in front of her. “I need to check the front too,” he said.
She nodded her head slowly and gulped loudly. His eyes never left hers, that cocky grin plastered on his face.
He repeated the same steps he’d done from behind. He started at her arms, slowing down on (Y/N)’s most sensitive spots – her chest, her hips, between her thighs. The only thing keeping her up was the knowledge that once he was done, she had to treat a patient.
“Well, Ms. Marks,” he cleared his throat. “It seems you were telling the truth.”
“You may be surprised, but I often do,” she retorted. “Now, can we go see if my patient is still alive?” 
��I’m sure everything’s fine,” the man chuckled. “Someone would have already told me if they were dead.”
“I’m sorry, they?”
He motioned for her to follow him, and she scrambled to grab her bag. He led her down two corridors, ending up in front of a room with a closed door.
Behind, there was a scene (Y/N) wasn’t quite prepared for.
Five men, all with different emergencies, were loudly arguing about who was at fault for their injuries. The man with a knife in his leg was being yelled at by a man with a dislocated shoulder; the man with a deep laceration on his arm and chest was yelling at the man with a wound on his shoulder; another man with a wounded shoulder was yelling at all of them. The mix of Spanish and English had (Y/N)’s head spinning, unsure of where to start.
“Excuse me,” she managed to peep out. “Excuse me!”
“YO!” the man yelled out, earning complete silence from the room and their full attention. “The lady is speaking. Go ahead, sweetheart.”
“Thank you,” she sighed. “I need to know what wounds I’m treating, and I’m gonna need a clean room to perform whatever procedures I need to.”
“Alright, you heard the lady,” he commanded. “Blaze, Philly, make sure the room next door is completely clean. Don’t want these fools getting an infection. Anything else, ma?”
“I’ll let you know if I need anything else,” she smiled before turning to the man she recognized from his visit to Beth’s house. She took out a notebook to create a makeshift patient intake form. “Alright, I need to know which wound I need to treat first. So, what am I dealing with here?”
“These two, GSW to the shoulder. The bullet went right through, no major arteries hit,” he started. “That one obviously has a knife sticking out of his leg. My guess is nothing major was hit, there wasn’t much of a bleed. The other one has deep lacerations on his arm, chest, and back – I think closing him up with a suture is fine. We were able to get everyone’s bleeding under control. And, obviously, there’s the dislocated shoulder.”
“You seem to know your stuff. Any medical training?”
“Nah, I just watch a lot of medical shows,” he shrugged.
(Y/N) made her way to the man with the knife stuck to his leg, the only one whose condition they weren’t certain of.  “What’s your name, sir?”
“Do I look like a sir?” he spat aggressively.
“Sir, I’m gonna need you to calm down,” (Y/N) asserted herself. “Or I can deal with everyone else and leave you to possibly bleed out right here. It’s your choice.”
“It’s Francis,” he grumbled. “My name is Francis Kirk.”
“Alright, Francis. I’m student doctor Marks,” she smiled forcefully. “Since you were wounded to right now, has there been any massive bleeding in the area?”
“No,” he groaned.
“Okay, that’s a good sign.” (Y/N) then called out to the room. “Do any of you know how big the blade on this knife is?”
“It’s four and a half inches,” the man with the dislocated shoulder answered. “Can I get it back when it’s out of this fool?”
“Okay, that’s deep enough that it may have nicked an artery,” she spoke to herself. “Twitch, I’m gonna need to check on his leg here. Move everyone else to the sterile room. I’m gonna need your help here in case the knife did pierce through an artery. I’m certain you guys want to keep this out of the hospital. So, I need your boss to know that if it did get that deep, and I’m not able to cauterize that vein in time, he could die.”
“I’ll let him know,” Twitch scrambled. “Okay, guys, let’s go to the next room.”
As everyone left what (Y/N) could only make out as a storage room for… Christmas wrapping paper, Francis started fidgeting. She could tell he was worried about the reason behind everyone’s departure. But what worried her was that he was beginning to show signs of going into shock – clammy and pale skin, rapid breathing, and his eyes were looking frantically around as if he was dizzy.
“Francis, I’m gonna need you to keep very still, okay?” (Y/N) instructed as she pulled out sterile gloves from her bag before checking the man’s pulse. “The knife is deep enough that it could have nicked an artery and I need to act quickly if it did.”
“Oh my god, I’m gonna die,” he breathed out. “I’m gonna die, aren’t I, Dr. Marks?”
“Not if I can help it,” (Y/N) tried to ease. “I’m gonna need you to lay down, okay? And remember, try not to move too much.”
“The room’s spinning, doc,” Francis panicked as she helped him lay down. “I can’t… I can’t breathe.”
“HEY! I need someone in here!” (Y/N) called out to anyone. Francis was losing consciousness and there was a possibility he could stop breathing. She needed to ensure that the knife didn’t move even a millimeter more. “Francis, I’m gonna need you to stay with me now. Keep those eyes open.”
“I can’t, doc,” he slurred. “They’re so hea…”
As Francis started to flutter his eyes closed, his boss burst through the doors, Twitch following behind.
“What’s going on?” he worried. “Francis was fine.”
“He’s gone into shock,” (Y/N) explained. “I’m gonna need you to hold his leg very still while I check his pulse.”
The man knelt and held onto Francis’s leg, his eyes following the girl’s every move. She placed two fingers on the injured man’s neck, checking his pulse.
“Fuck!”
“What’s wrong?”
“He has a weak pulse,” she answered as she placed a finger under his nose. She quickly sprung to action and started hands-on CPR. “His breathing is too staggered.”
“What can I do?” Twitch asked.
“Do you know CPR?” He nodded. “I’m gonna need you to continue compressions on his chest while I take care of the stab wound. You,” she pointed at the boss. “Sanitize your hands and put on some gloves, I’m gonna need your help if this starts to bleed hard.”
She took scissors out of her bag, cutting the man’s pant leg carefully around the wound as the man in front of her slipped on a pair of gloves. The fabric was already soaked in blood as she discarded it to the side, a slopping sound following it hitting the ground.
“In the bag, you’re gonna find something labeled clot gauze,” she directed. “If when I pull the knife out there is a massive bleed, I’m going to need you to press the gauze into the wound as I prep my materials to stop the bleed. You’ve gotta be quick. Can you do it?”
“Yes,” he affirmed. The man rummaged through the bag and pulled out the gauze. “I’m ready.”
“Okay,” she breathed. “I’m gonna pull the knife out now.”
(Y/N) wrapped her hand around the handle, tugging softly upward. She breathed out and prepared herself for the worse. And speak of the devil and he shall appear. As soon as the blade was completely unsheathed the wound spurted blood, splashing her sweater and face with blood.
“Go,” she commanded. “Put it in, now.”
“How much do I put in?”
“As much until we can stop the bleeding.” (Y/N) let him stuff the wound, rummaging through her bag for some iodine, a scalpel, a stretch band, and a suture kit. “Twitch, can you check his pulse?”
“I-I don’t know how.”
“Just count it out until I tell you to stop.” As he started, she looked down at her watch. She only needed fifteen seconds. “Alright, stop. His pulse is getting a bit low – it’s at 58. Keep those compressions going, Twitch. Don’t stop.”
“Wh-what’re you doing?” the boss asked as (Y/N) wrapped the stretch band carefully around the leg. He was clearly getting worried about Francis.
“I’m applying a tourniquet to his leg to stop the flow of blood to it. That way I can find whatever is causing the bleed and close it up,” she explained. Her hands worked gently, but swiftly. He wasn’t sure how, but she was making everything look so easy. “This will also alleviate some of the pressure on his heart. Once I stop the flow it won’t need to try so hard to pump more into the leg.”
“Look, the bleeding has stopped,” he mused.
“Perfect,” she breathed. She drenched the area with the iodine solution and the scalpel, making sure it was as clean as possible. “Once I open this up more, I’m gonna need you to hold the wound open until I find the nicked vein.”
“Yeah, alright.”
(Y/N) could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She had done many of these procedures whilst working in the emergency department, but she had always been accompanied by someone that knew more than her. In this situation, she was the professional and all the pressure fell on her.
She took steadying breaths before pressing the tip of the scalpel onto the skin after removing the clot gauze. She needed to move quickly, and there was no room for mistakes.
“Okay, take your index and middle finger and spread the area open, enough to let my hand fit through.” After he did as told, (Y/N) slid her hand in and felt around for the wounded vein. “I’ve got it. I’m gonna need you to open this up a bit more while I sew this vein shut.”
She packed some more gauze around the nicked vein, clearing her way for the sutures. (Y/N) opened the new kit and set to work on closing the nick. Suturing had become second nature after all the practice and all the patients she’d had to close up at the hospital. Making sure to do the right sutures was the hard part. But with the forceps, she closed the small incision the knife had left on the vein. As she looked at her work, she took in a breath she didn’t know she needed. The hardest part was over.
“Check his pulse again, Twitch.” Fifteen more seconds. “Alright, heart rate’s going up, but keep compressions going. You can take your fingers out. I’m gonna close the incision now.”
Superficial sutures were easy enough, she had done a couple just mere hours before. It only took a minute before she was relieving the stretch band and starting to dress the wound.
“Wow,” the boss breathed. “Is he gonna be okay?”
“Stop compressions,” (Y/N) instructed. She removed her bloodied gloves and checked Francis’s wrist for his pulse. “His heart is beating steady. It seems he’s gonna be okay for now. Let’s transport him to the clean room so I can start an IV line. I’ll start treating the others after. Now, on three, Twitch, you’re gonna grab him by his armpits. You’ll grab that leg, and I’ll take this one.”
On her count, the trio lifted the man and carried him to the room where the rest of the injured were quiet for the first time. All conversation ceased when they saw their friend unconscious.
“Place him on this table, carefully,” she mandated. “And get me something to perch the IV bag on.”
“Does that lamp work?” Twitch asked.
“Yeah.”
After finding a vein, (Y/N) started an IV drip with 10 milligrams of morphine. The man would be in enough pain as he recovered. She then clipped the bag to the highest part of the lamp and allowed the drip to do its work.
As Francis recuperated, (Y/N) set to work on her other patients. Marcos and Willie were her GSW patients, followed by Danny the laceration victim, and finally Ethan with the dislocated shoulder and the loudest mouth. Not once had he stopped complaining about his pain. She was suturing men with a simple lidocaine shot and he was crying over a popped shoulder.
“You know if it was so easy, you could have put my shoulder into place first,” he mumbled.
“I treat people depending on the emergency level,” she gritted her teeth. “Your popped shoulder is at the bottom of the list.”
“You could’ve at least given me something for the pain,” Ethan argued.
“The man you stabbed almost died an hour ago,” she exasperated. “My face, my clothes are drenched in his blood. Instead of complaining of a little pain, be thankful you didn’t lose someone from your side.”
At her outburst, the man finally quieted down, his head falling in shame.
“I can give you some Ibuprofen for the pain right now,” she sighed. “If the pain continues, continue taking it every six to eight hours and you’ll be fine.”
“Alright,” he answered sheepishly. “Thanks, doc.”
“Sure.”
(Y/N) needed a breath. She could feel the walls around her closing in on her and the eyes of everyone on her. She just needed a second.
She pushed through the door and closed it behind her. In the empty hallway, she allowed her back to hit the wall and she breathed. She closed her eyes and breathed.
“You did great in there,” his voice brought her back. “I would’ve thought you were already a doctor.”
“We could’ve lost Francis back there,” she sighed staggerdly.  “And I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
“You should go home,” he blurted.
“No, I’ve gotta wait until Francis wakes up to make sure nothing happens,” (Y/N) retorted. “After he wakes up, I’ll go.”
“(Y/N)…”
“Look, I need to make sure he’s okay!” She felt a tear fall from her eye. “Look, um, if I’m gonna continue treating your workers like this I’m gonna need you to get some medical equipment and medications. I took these things yesterday from the hospital, just in case. Once or twice I can probably get away with it, but if it becomes recurring…”
“You could get in trouble,” he finished. “Get me a list of what you would need in stock, I’ll make sure we have it for you.”
“Yo, he’s waking up,” Twitch interrupted.
(Y/N) followed behind the man, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. All she could hope for was that she didn’t damage his leg further than the initial wound.
“W-what happened?” Francis choked out before trying to sit up.
“Woah, Mr. Kirk,” (Y/N) stopped him. “I’m gonna need you to stay lying down for a sec.”
“Why am I hooked up to an IV? And why are you red, doc?”
“Well, Mr. Kirk, you went into shock,” she started. “When I removed the knife it revealed that your femoral artery had been nicked — there comes in this lovely hue you’ve painted me. But luckily we were able to get the bleeding under control and the vein stitched up. Now, I’m gonna need you to do something for me, Francis.”
“Anything, doc.”
“I’m gonna need you to push on my hand with your foot as hard as you can.” And he did. (Y/N) could feel a weight leave her shoulders — she didn’t paralyze him. “Good, that’s very good, Francis. Now, I’m gonna leave you some detailed instructions on how to care for your wound, alright?”
“Yes, thank you, Doctor Marks.”
“Sure thing,” she smiled. “No more stupid fights, alright?”
“Promise, doc,” rang out through the room from the ashamed men.
“Okay, you guys,” (Y/N) chuckled. “Take it easy now.”
She picked up the instruments she couldn’t sanitize and put them in a biohazard bag – probably would need to sneak it in with the hospital’s trash. Her rush was finally coming down and she could feel her hands starting to shake. It was no secret where she worked that she was always quick to action, a great diagnostician, and a proficient treatment doctor – most of the doctors she worked with told her that she had a gift. But there was a danger to doing all of this by herself. (Y/N) knew a lot, especially about the theoretical side of medicine, but what scared her was everything she didn’t know in practice.
“Go clean up your face,” the man interrupted. “I’ll pack your stuff up, ma. Twitch will take you to the bathroom.”
“Uh, sure,” she stammered.
She let go of the vials in her hands and turned to follow Twitch out of the room. Her breathing was staggered, and she felt her limbs going numb, tingling running through them. The crash after an adrenaline rush.
“You okay, doc?” Twitch asked before she nodded. “What you did in there was incredible, man. You could skip med school and just come work with us here.”
“As tempting as that sounds, I do need to at least finish up the last year and a half of med school,” she chuckled dryly. “But who knows? Maybe I’ll skip my residency and come straight to you guys.”
“Sounds good,” he laughed. “Bathroom’s through there.”
With a smile she disappeared through the doors, allowing herself to let out a strangled sob.
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she wasn’t sure who was looking back. The image was straight out of a horror movie. Her face was splattered with dried blood, her auburn hair streaked as well. The grey t-shirt she had on was darkened by the crimson liquid. At the hospital, she was able to remove any sign of being involved in surgery before she looked at herself again. But these were her clothes, the way she had to walk into Beth’s house inconspicuously.
She ran the water, washing her hand furiously before rubbing her face. (Y/N) stared at the water running red down the sink, all evidence of the treatment disappearing with the stream. She gripped the edge of the counter, listening to the water droplets dripping onto it, focusing on her breathing. But a knock startled her.
“Yeah?” she called out.
“I got you some clothes, so you don’t have to go home looking like that,” the man offered. “And, uh, thank you for helping Francis out. We didn’t know it was that bad.”
“Thanks,” she responded. “And that’s what I’m here for. Please tell me this takes care of what I owe you.”
“Yeah, we square.”
“Great,” (Y/N) breathed out.
“But I’m guessing you’re not done here,” he chuckled. “You gonna come back? Start making some real money?”
“I was serious when I said you’d need to get some supplies. They cost a shit ton of money, but it’s better than having your people die,” she started. “Francis could have died today, bleeding out over a pissing war between your subordinates. And I understand why you would rather let him die than take him to a hospital, but I’ve seen far too many people pass because of gang violence. If you can’t control your own people, it’s not worth it.”
“A’ight,” he surprisingly affirmed. “Just get me that list.”
“I’m gonna have to text it to you,” she teased. “But I’m not allowed to contact you first.”
“I can make an exception,” he grinned. “Get home, (Y/N). You did some good work today.”
“Wait,” (Y/N) stopped the man. “I need a name, your name. I can’t keep calling you boss or that man in my head.”
“Rio,” he grinned. “You can call me Rio.”
96 notes · View notes
newtthetranswriter · 2 months
Note
Hello may I request a match up for Black Clover, Demon Slayer, and Jujutsu Kaisen please? :) I’m a straight female and my pronouns are she/her.
I’m very shy, distant, quiet, and a little awkward. Basically a huge introvert at first. However, once I get to know you better or I at least see that you’re comfortable around me, I’ll get comfortable as well :) And once that happens, you could say I become slightly more extroverted. I get louder, laugh more, and am overall less shy, distant, quiet, and awkward. I’m also very sensitive and have tons of trouble speaking up for myself. When getting yelled at or just insulted, I try and act unbothered but I think everyone knows that I’m holding in my tears at that point… (it’s really embarrassing ok don’t judge 🫠) But one thing I can say is that I’m somewhat funny. When I feel comfortable around people or just someone, I usually let more witty and funny comments out. The same goes for when I’m like shy Y’know? Its just that it’s much more less cause the last thing I want is awkward silence. Hobbies I have are photography, gaming, golfing, bowling, board games, jigsaw puzzles, and listening to music! My appearance usually consists of grey sweatpants, grey sweatshirt, and black boots— it’s usually my go to outfit since it’s pretty comfortable. At home, my hair is tied in a low ponytail. Outside however, my hair is let down. I let my hair down outside because I’m hella insecure about my side profile. I have a round face, curtain bangs, eye-bags, black hair, and really dark brown eyes :) some people say they look soulless but idk 🤷‍♀️ I think the only thing that’s preventing my eyes look completely soulless is the fact that I commonly express myself through reactions. I also tend to speak using a lot of “uh” or “um” because if usually when I don’t say those two words, I end up mixing up my words and my whole sentence just ends up sounding confusing 😬
A/n: Hello, I’m sorry this took so long but I hope you enjoy it. You are the first person to request Black clover so that was a nice change, I really enjoy it and hope more people request it soon. Anyway, have a great day and remember to hydrate or diedrate.
Black Clover: Finral Roulacase
Finral may come off as a player and like someone who cares to much for appearances at first but deep down he just wants someone who is kind and understands him
He doesn’t care that you like to wear sweats and relax all the time listening to music or reading, he loves relaxing with you
I can definitely see him trying to encourage you to get out of your shell and wearing your hair up outside of the hide out, but he won’t push it if you tell him to leave it alone
Finral just wants to take you to the most amazing places and show of his amazing girlfriend
If you’re at the hideout and Yami yells at you for something or Zora starts being an asshole, you bet Finral grows a back own for once and tells them to back off, he just doesn’t want to see you cry
He does enjoy when you start making jokes with Magna or Luck, the smile you get while laughing at their random arguments is the best thing in the world to him
Finral also loves your eyes, even if you or anyone else tries to say they look soulless, he just brushes it off and goes on to list how beautiful they are and that when the sun hits them just right they shine so magnificently.
Demon Slayer: Inosuke Hashibira
Inosuke is confused at first as to why you’re so quiet around him but after talking with Tanjiro and finding out you are probably shy, he tries to make you feel more comfortable
Making jokes and being his normal idiot self, somehow worked out the best way to make you comfortable is just be himself
When you start opening up and joining in on his jokes, he is so happy
Loves to try and get you to prank Zenitsu with him even if it’s just you distracting the blonde while he dumps water over the boy’s head
If anyone and I mean anyone makes you cry or almost cry they face his wrath, that includes the Hashira
Tengen makes a dumb comment that could be interpreted as an insult, Inosuke is trying to beat his ass. A demon calls you weak while out on a mission with him, that demon didn’t get another word out before its head was rolling across the ground
He’s very protective and will make sure you know he has your back
Also you are the only person he consistently call by their actual name, he never gets it wrong
Jujutsu Kaisen: Toge Inumaki
Toge completely understands being shy at first, after all he has to be careful around new people, cause they may find it odd he speaks in such a unique way
Once you are both comfortable around each other, Toge is his usual playful self and loves that you enjoy making jokes with him
He loves that you have such a wide range of hobbies, it means more fun date ideas
Going to the park and taking pictures of random things or each other, staying in and playing games while a collaborative playlist blasts in the background
Even if others may find it weird that you use filler words like ‘uh’ or ‘um’ all the time, he loves it because it show you are doing your best to communicate clearly even if you don’t have the same limitations as him
Toge just all around understands having trouble articulating what's on your mind so if you just need a break from talking he’s down to just cuddle or if you still want to express yourself he hands over his phone with an open notes app so you guys can type what you want to say
Also if he finds out someone made you cry or insulted you to the point you almost cried, they better hope he doesn’t find him because he will rock their world and he won’t even have to speak to do it, he’ll just beat their ass
4 notes · View notes
beeejayy · 7 months
Note
🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ 😇🧸👻👽💤💝🫂💔🪢👗📓🔪🌟🥇🍫🎭❤️‍🔥💄🖕😺😬😭😶
Marie mjolnir soul eater (apologies for so many, I understand if you don’t have much as most people don’t tend to think about marie)
I smiled seeing this because I love Marie . And this many emojis shows you do as well LMAO
This is longer than the spirit one sooo
🏳️‍🌈 a sexuality hc- this woman is a lesbian. There's nothing else to it. She definitely pushed her "I need to be straight" thing onto Stein and had a pretend crush I forget the word for it though.
🏳️‍⚧️ a gender hc- I dooonnnt think she's trans (btw if you do I love that she deserves it) BUT girl does have a lot of body hair. That doesn't mean she's trans or whatever it's normal for anyone to have body hair I just wanna talk about it lol. She gets insecure about her body and such when there's a woman who she likes.
😇 a hc about her religion/lack thereof- okay okay so I don't think she grew up as religious as Spirit did. She probably does have a cross in her house and has faith and shit it just doesn't mean every decision she makes is around it. She totally went to church every Sunday tho.
🧸 a hc about her childhood- Marie was a only child and totally was spoiled to be perfect. She NEEDED to be a straight A student and NEEDED to be straight. Just a lot of responsibilities. Her parents definitely bragged about her looks and how she behaved to the neighbors. By her teenage years and getting puberty her parents would shame her for her sudden change in weight/hair. They were dicks about her chest size. She was a young kid when she found out about her being a weapon. I feel like her father was also a weapon, her parents supported her there and she did a lot of manual things in her childhood.
👻 a hc about what scares her- losing the people she cares about. Marie's whole thing is being a empath LMAO. She's very insecure and she does fear dying alone. (another thing she has in common with spirit....😒)
🎶 a hc about music- she LOVES radio music. She's like every mom she will listen to those sad break up songs and genuinely feel connected to them she will sing around the house she will sing in the shower she's always humming a tune.
👽 a hc about a weird quirk of hers- JUST SAY AUTISTIC. Anyways.. she'll chew on her nails, she'll pull on her hair when she's stressed and sometimes play with the band of her eyepatch
💤 a hc about her sleep- she has stuffed animals, she likes holding things in her sleep, she'll even hold a pillow. Marie gets REALLY cold in her sleep and just pile blankets. She's a light sleeper anything can wake her up tbh...
🦾 a disability hc- her eye. Even after how long she's had an eye patch she still has trouble using only one eye. Sometimes she'll trip over things, it's not obvious though just a minor inconvenience.
💝 a hc about her love language- DEFINITELY physical touch. She wants to hold hands, she wants to give kisses and hugs LET HER!!!!!!!! Another one would just be spending time with another. Marie just wants to be loved.
🫂 a friendship hc- well since I mentioned the Spirit and Marie one last post I'll talk about Marie and Stein. They ARE besties. Stein feels comfortable with her he genuinely likes her!!! Neither of them will ever feel romance for the other or any sexual desire. They're just friends, Marie can talk to Stein freely about ANYTHING (to his dismay....) she cares about him deeply and on her bad days WISHES they could like each other romantically because she really just wants to be "normal" and have a family.
💔 an angst hc- oh boy. She definitely had a crush on Maka's mom. I've talked about this A LOT. Marie is a pushover when it comes to her crushes, she despises Spirit to just be able to do the shit she wishes she could do, he had a family with Kami, a child too, got married and then he threw it away! How could he do that? To the best woman ever, to the love of Marie's life! Marie longs and wishes she could be with Kami. It's quite sad. She'll never get over her first crush.
🪢a hc about her family- I feel like Marie's parents would be disgusted if they knew/found out about her eye. They're very judgy about looks. They want her to be their perfect little girl! She can't grow up and if she DOES grow up she should marry a man.
📓 a hc about her hobby- she probably likes to scrapbook. She doesn't take pictures so uses the academy year books and photos she finds around the place. Let a girl have fun!!!!
👗 a hc about her clothes- Marie honestly likes wearing things that are black, yellow or pink. She likes her zigzag shape she feels like it's a part of her and doesn't like change much. Pink is an exception tho she loves pink.
🔪 a hc relating to fighting/violence- considering she's a death scythe I feel she is VERY VERY capable of fighting but she isn't violent she will try to find a more humane way to deal with things. That being said she's definitely had a human soul before.
🌟 a hc about her desires/wishes- she makes it VERY clear that she wants to be a mom and a wife. I don't have anything to add...she knows what she wants.
🏅 a hc about what she's good at- honestly, being there for people. She may not like it but she's a good teacher, a good person to go to for help. Over all she's just pure hearted.
🍫 a hc about food- uhh I have no idea I'm not much of a food person so I have nothing to go off of. Marie likes to go out when eating food, she likes the fancy shit.
🎭 a hc about what she lies about- HER SEXUALITY!!!! 🗣️
❤️‍🔥a romantic hc- Marie is VERY romantic. She's a hopeless romantic she makes it VERY clear that she wants to be loved and to give love. Marie would be a GOOD partner, maybe a bit overbearing and overly attached but STILL!!!!!
💄an appearance hc- Marie is a gal who likes her appearance! She likes dressing up, to wear makeup! She likes feeling pretty!!!!
🖕 a hc relating to anger- okay. She's been shown to be violent when angry, without thinking if you're an asshole she'll just punch without thinking. Don't be a jerk, don't ruin her fun that's just not cool.
🐱 an animal related hc- her favorite animals are dogs, she will stop to pet EVERY puppy. She has to avoid shelters or she'll want to keep every dog. She also likes cats but not as much as dogs.
😬 a hc about the worst things she's done- oh okay I could go on about shit like this but this is getting WAY too fucking long. Marie is a flawed woman, something I could think of is her being such a people pleaser, she's probably done things she didn't want to do especially in battle.
😭 a hc about the worst thing that happened to them- definitely whatever happened to her eye.
😶 a random hc- Marie found out she was a hammer because her dad was looking for a hammer and her hand kinda turned into one and she hammered in the nail while he was gone. She was VERY young when this happened
6 notes · View notes
blupengu · 5 months
Text
Oh my god I just finished Lucas’s route… oh my god I’m so mmmmmmmm I don’t even know bruh y’all oh my god 😂 big fat spoilers for virche and long ramblings as usual under the cut
Oof where do I even begin my word vomit like, ?!??!??!?!?!?? The funniest thing to me is still the fact that they they didn’t bother trying to hide him being Bourreau with the exact same fucking sprite poses lmao, but I guess that wasn’t really the mystery
CAPUCINE BETTER WATCH THE FUCK OUT THOUGH IT’S ON SITE 🔫🔫 (and whoever this mysterious benefactor is… better not be some shit like, it was Salome all along lmao)
Like okay I know Lucas is a lil extremely way cracked in the head in his despair ending (oh boy oh boy) but… he’s so pretty? When he’s in his Bourreau outfit and his hair is tied up?? Covered in blood??? Stab me harder please 👀 … Do I have a problem? Perhaps… but I’m just keeping true to my dubious taste in anime men 😌
You can’t give me a pretty character with long hair and blue eyes with a gentlemanly “oh ho” personality who’s such a sweetie, while everyone thinks he’s delicate but is secretly (obviously) super strong and very sus, and then tell me how super fucked up his situation is and *NOT* expect me to fall in love????? Boy you had me at the first “ehehe” laugh, you saint-germain-esque motherfucker, I 100% have a type in these games I am very predictable 😂
Aaaaaah I don’t wanna think about Nadia… 😩 girl, sweetie, honey, GIRL. Girl. Too good for this world. Too pure, too innocent… Girl I am so sorry you’re in this game LMAO jeez. I knew… I knew shit was gonna be bad, but oh I was so hoping it was not gonna go that way………. But with everything being all about despair you knew it was gonna happen…….. Big FMA fucking “big brother Edward” and oddly enough hatoful boyfriend vibes… I DID NOT WANT IT THOUGH NO I DON’T LIKE IT!! 😭 I am so scared about what Lucas’s salvation ending is gonna be now, and where it’ll start changing from this end… because BOY. IF THIS DOESN’T GET FIXED…! I am going to be so heartbroken, family in fiction just get me y’all ;-;
… God I know it’s not all gonna get fixed though, there’s just no way, there’s too much shit going on, something’s gotta give, especially in a game like this? If it was your normal otome game maybe, but… I don’t think Nadia’s making it… and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas didn’t either… even if they both do, they’d barely be able to live another year so I can only see bittersweet endings lmao I’m very worried 😭😂 I NEED THAT FANDISK LOCALIZED NOW!!!
Also I did NOT expect Ankou to suddenly show up at the end?? Aight sir I see you, don’t worry you’re right behind Lucas for me… knowing he got his ass absolutely demolished by Lucas though is kinda hilarious, like I thought Ankou was gonna be some all powerful magic dude but nope. Lucas cut him into little bits LOOOL rip in pieces literally 💀 humanizes him surprisingly for me 🤔
And wtf was Ceres’s plan…? Like… hey lemme go die?? Hope Lucas snaps out of it after he stabs me??? GIRL PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE’S ALREADY DEAD. That’s such a shit plan how was Ankou okay with this 😂
At least uhhhh…. We’re his wife now………? Consolation prize… sorta…………?? 👀😬 yikes lmao but at least all his CGs are so pretty 😌
Wait I just checked his CGs actually… there’s… three left??? And 11/18 (oh shit that’s today’s date LOL). Oh yes, oh hell yes that means more for the salvation ending with variations, give me MORE!! I’m kinda sad now that the “good” endings are locked behind the final route… I need to know what the “good” ending is (BIG quotes around “good” lmao)
I’m gonna need to make one of those “do it for him” memes now to feel better, but I guess I’ll have to hold off until I get all his CGs LOL
OH MY GOD WAIT THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON I DIDN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT THE CAGE HOLY CRAP 😂 ah how could I forget?! Actually, after finishing his route I don’t have a lot to say about it… it was super hilarious when I first saw it and my only thought really was “not this shit again” lmao, but at least in this case it made more sense…
Ah okay I’m think I’m done venting… off to do Scien’s route next… maybe I’ll give Lucas a day to cook in my head though, this is the longest rambling text post I’ve ever done lmao… or maybe I’ll finish up the happy bits I have left to do from the even if tempest fandisk 😭
Tumblr media
These two are so precious I can’t 😭
2 notes · View notes
slay4000and2 · 2 years
Note
I'm the last anon. Actually I changed my mind. Any chance you'll repare our hearts? 😬
Tumblr media
:)
Its been 2 years of going jobseeking and the only reasonable answer was a 24 hour home video store.You have no idea what the point of it staying open for so long,other for horny drunks,but it was a good paying job that pays a dollar fifty more if you work at night and you could listen to music while working.
There were 3 other people working there the owner,a girl called robin and a guy called steve,who both went to your school,who all did the day shift. There was one unknown guy that worked night with you. You probably should of found out who the guy was before getting the job.For all you known he could be some creep old guy who jerks off while his working. But when you step out of old car ,with your favourite blue walkman in hand, and pushing a pull door you enter the dim,dark room, only then you realise it was a lot worse then a old creepy guy.
It was a guy you're most likely going to spend most of your time with in awkward silence and pure embarrassment.
“Edddiiiiieeee its nice to see youuuuuu?” You said in a ‘god please give instant death , right here right now,’kind of tone. “Y/nnnnn its you.” He jazz-hands waves to you in the same kind of awkardness.
Its only been five minutes behind the counter and it all ready felt like five hours. ”I'm-”both of you break the silenced.
”Sorry,you go first.”Eddie smiled slightly.
”Um just wanted to say im glad you finally graduated.” You said,squeezing your hands tightly between your thighs.
”Thanks.Um sorry about you know.Being a dick to you,never attending your games,talking about you behind your back-” Your heart dropped not being able to hear the rest of his shitty apology.
You always knew that he never really liked but you never knew he talked shit about you. ”Wait you talked shit about me?To who and what?”
“Oh um I thought that was why you slapped me.”He scratched his head and then tucking his ,still long, hair behind his hair. ”No , I didnt know I slapped you because you were a massive dick to me. Now I wanna know what you said about me and to whom." You swivel your chair to face him. “May have spread some rumors that you were i dont know a slut,an anorexic ,etc, etc.”He said at record breaking speed and then faking a coughing fit.
“Well damn thats a bit fucked up isn't it.” You widened your eyes at the lies he spread, and the fact it probably was stuff way worse then he is currently saying.To think that you guys used to be friends is mind blowing. “You know I used to really like you. And I never even told you. But I ment every nice thing I ever did to you. I dont get why you ever hated me that much.” You eyes filled with tears. “I dont know. I think deep down I was just scared to admit that I actually loved someone.”
“No.No dont say that Eds.” You shake your head.”Dont make me hate more than I do.Dont make me cry more than I used to. Beacause the fact that you just said that you used to love me back makes me fell like shit.Like if someone said if I don't give them all of my money they would kill everyone. When in reality i have every right to have my money and not feel like a piece of crap." Your eyes watered, you hated the fact only now he tells you this. Only now you find after you expect to never see him again.
“You know,I only realised how much I really liked you after you said to never speak to you agian.It felt like you ripped my heart out and crushed it into a million pieces. ”
“No you dont get to say that.Its not even the shit that you did in highschool anymore. Its the fact you never admit you wrong. And even when you do you still make the situation about you. You are not the victim here. You don't get to feel like shit because it's your actions that caused this. "
Honestly you never thought you could get more disgusted with the man but he always did push the boundaries.
“whatever man I'm gonna stock some shit on to the shelves.” You didnt know where your going or what you’re going to stock. All you knew is a soon as this shift ended you were switching to day shift.You ou couldnt help but wonder if he's the reason no one else works night.
32 notes · View notes
gen-x-genderqueer · 1 year
Text
I have a pre-intake call with someone at the gender clinic tomorrow, they have care coordinators, so I guess this is about that. Anyway, I'm making a list of concerns. This is long and pretty personal, so it's going to go under a cut....
The Major Problems
My PMDD is bad. This is the biggest reason why my therapist is pushing me to at least talk to someone about hormones. I had a history of being seriously suicidal (as in actual attempts) when I was a teenager and then things settled down for a while. Now that I'm actually going through perimenopause though, it's gotten really unstable. The level of PMDD I'm having right now is close to that bad; although I have better coping tactics so I'm not actually suicidal.
My cycles are often 18-21 days long, sometimes as short as 16 or 17. Even with two LONG cycles (over 36 days), I still had 15 cycles in 2022. That means 15 rounds of severe PMDD.
I am experiencing "vaginal dryness" (more specifically vulval dryness) that periodically makes me feel like I'm about to come down with a UTI. Ick.
Hot flashes.
Based on the PMDD alone, I think it would probably be a good idea to shut down my cycles (at the ovarian level, so not uterine ablation). Probably this means some sort of oral contraception, progesterone minipill or testosterone. But the last two symptoms are usually treated with estrogen so... I don't really know this is where I need a doctor who has more knowledge & expertise.
The Big T
Part of why I'm specifically looking at going to a gender clinic for treatment is that I want to be able to talk to them about T. I had always said "Oh, if I had known that I could be nonbinary and take T when I was 25 I would have totally done that." But I'm also really resistant to medicalization, and without any other motivators, I really would rather just not see a doctor. At all. (OK, maybe if I have pneumonia or a UTI.) This was a major reason why I put off having breast reduction surgery for many years, I just didn't want to have medical care if I didn't absolutely have to.
Anyway... back to the question at hand... If I need to see someone for perimenopause reasons, then I want it to be someone I can talk to about low dose testosterone without them running away screaming. Apparently, using small amounts of T in menopausal cisgender women is useful, but controversial because everyone is so worried about "masculinization." Like... No. I'm really not worried about that. But I don't want to have to sit in a sterile little medical room and have to educate my provider.
So, here's how I feel about possible effects of T...
Menstrual cessation: Uh... see above! This would be a good thing.
Voice changes: YES PLEASE! This would be my number 1 positive!
Bottom growth: I would be into this, but it wouldn't be a major goal.
Facial/body hair: This one I'm kinda on the fence about. I mostly do not want facial hair for the sole reason that I pull it out with my fingernails. It's not a healthy fidget. 😬 Hair other places, I'm cool with it, I don't really care that much. Right now, I choose to shave my armpits, but literally only because I feel like antiperspirant works better if I do and I don't like damp pits.
Hair loss: Oh HELL NO! And this is a huge one because I'm old enough that if I was a cisgender guy, I would be having hair loss right now. Big no on having that happen.
Body changes: Look, I work out. I lift heavy. I already have a good deal of muscle and I'd be stoked to increase that. (If you didn't know I was a GenX gymrat before, the word "stoked" would be a major clue.) Changes in bodyfat distribution are more ho-hum. I'm not dysphoric about my butt or anything, but I'd be OK with subtle changes.
Facial structure/jawline changes: I'm alright with this. I might be more enthusiastic if I understood what it will look like on me.
Vaginal dryness/atrophy: Uh... I'm already on the road to this and it's one of the reasons I'm seeking perimenopause care. So this is going to need to get dealt with one way or another.
5 notes · View notes
Note
Hi there! I am in Florida, and at this very moment, trying to dissociate from hurricane Ian that is beginning to hit my town. 😬 So I figured I'd distract myself by asking for ships. If you see this elsewhere too, I just...don't like talking about myself very much so I'm writing this once.
She/her, INFP, Hufflepuff. 5'2, generally pale, curvy, but not overweight (yet, lol), blonde hair (but it's currently The Little Mermaid bright red, lol), blue-green eyes. I love my hair and my eyes and this is the only thing you'll ever hear me say I like about my appearance.
My favorite thing about myself is my sense of humor. And to a lesser extent, my sarcasm. I never really feel I have much to offer people, especially in difficult times, but I can make my friends laugh when they are crying. And a few weeks ago one of my good friends said to me that every time she goes home after spending time with me, her husbsnd says she is always in such a happy mood. And that was just like...the nicest thing anyone could say to me. 💜 I am an introvert until I am comfortable with someone and then I can be loud and frequently silly. Years of customer service in my past made me decent at bullshitting small talk, but ugh, it drains my batteries. I will get along with anyone who isn't an asshole, but I do not get close to most people easily. I don't like conflict, so I can get passive aggressive with people I'm close to if I have any issues over something. Trying very hard to change that, as I know it's not a great look.
Other random shit about me: I have anxiety, but (I think) I've learned to hide it well in public most of the time? My brain is just a fucking mess, but I will joke about it all day! 🙃 I love all animals. I'd cuddle an alligator if it wouldn't eat me. I've got cats, dogs, rats and a bunny. I've wanted a horse my whole life. My favorite author is Neil Gaiman. I love going to the beach and swimming in the ocean. I love museums and history and learning about lore/fairytales/monsters/cryptids. I love Marvel movies/comics, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. I occasionally do conventions and cosplay, though I'm not very good at the cosplay bc I cannot sew. Lol. I've been Rose and Amy from Doctor Who and Kate Bishop (Hawkeye). It's really fun! I wish I were better at it. Love bowling and mini golf. Sadly, none of my friends do.
I love music and going to shows used to be my thing! Like I've seen over 100 bands and concerts. I don't have the time/money/energy to do it anymore, but those were absolutely the best years of my life. I've traveled to other states and across the country for a couple of bands (The Matches and Motion City Soundtrack) and made some of the best friends just waiting in lines. I have one tattoo and it's a crow with a blue button eye that the singer of my favorite band drew for me.
I'm gonna shut up now. Lol. Sorry I got carried away. I'm REALLY trying to distract myself from thinking about this hurricane rn. Thanks in advance if you made it through the rambling and decide to do anything with it. 😁💜
Firstly, I hope you and your family are doing OK since the hurricane and that it didn't cause too much damage! Secondly I'm so sorry this has taken me so long to get to, I've been all over the place lately between graduating and starting my new job🙈
I ship you with Johnny Martin
He's obsessed with your red hair, like he thinks it's the coolest thing ever and it looks so good on you.
You're alike in the sense that you both need to be comfortable with someone before you feel like you can really be yourself.
Of course you two seemed to click right away. You both made a few sarcastic teasing comments and it was like you'd been friends for years.
He's always quick to remind you of your worth, and how you always seem to brighten people's lives without even trying
He totally get that sometimes you just need time to yourself to recharge, and he's always happy to just sit quietly with you or leave you do your own thing in your own space. You'll come find him when you're ready.
No matter what you say, he thinks your cosplays are great and he's always super encouraging.
He's ridiculously competitive, and loves nothing more than trying to beat you at mini golf. He scoffs and acts annoyed when you beat him, but really he just loves seeing you smile.
He definitely intends to start taking you to concerts again, cause he knows you loved going to them.
Hope you like it x
5 notes · View notes