#i have very bad communication skills and sometimes i think some things are obvious | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

popponn · 4 months

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bits and such, about him.

summary: he loves you in his own way. (aka expanded hcs on how he shows his love to you)

note: i want an isagi so bad at this point i will just cry. also i miss sae. nagi is kinda there ig (jk nagi u shojo protag). sometimes thinking about these guys are very comforting even when it comes out as pure brainrot. warning: none, just fluff. isagi is downbad, sae is a house cat variant, and nagi is something else. reader's gender unspecified, implied post canon au.

characters: isagi, sae, nagi

isagi falls in love with you again and again over the smallest things. it could be you rearranging your things, it could be you looking up to the sky, it could be you crouching alongside him, it could be you laughing at something he finds actually unfunny—repeatedly, without fail it keeps happening. in these sorts of moments, it is very obvious too. his breath would come to a halt slowly, his shoulder sagged, his mouth opening into a silent gape, all while his blue eyes would stare at you, filled with feelings that are impossible to word out. his signs are obvious enough that even strangers could know them. the worst thing is that on times like this, it means isagi yoichi's infamously smart brain will go on a holiday for a bit. adding to the fact that his eyes rarely leave you whenever you are in his vicinity, this means it happens a lot in a public setting. after the third time of seeing this happening right in front of them, most of his friends sort of agree that it would be best to leave the lovesick, down-bad isagi alone. more for their sakes because all they get is either a dumb "huh" that is very cute actually or a very angry, on-field tone of "shut the fuck up fucking donkey i'm admiring right now" which unfortunately did happen to a genius, a speedster, and a king. it nearly ended in a bloodbath multiple times but at least you know he is a man that could not be moved.

sae likes it when you play with his hair and vice versa. the annoying thing, though, is that he rather doesn't say shit for three days than admitting this to your face. some call it an acute case of terrible communication skill some call it kuudere rizz—nobody knows which one is the correct term but the good thing is this guy speaks louder through his action than his words. which mean acting like a spoiled house cat with shitty attention seeking tendencies—where you could be working or resting your exhausted leg and without any warning, you will have his head on your lap. don't bother protesting, you will lose the inevitable staring contest. just play with his hair, comb it, pat it, arrange it while praising him—just spoil him. and if he says "your hair is wet" even right after you dry it off, just sit down and let him " dry" your hair. no, it's not an alibi to have you chatter while he listens and touches your hair. no, he does not kiss you on the hair you are imagining shit. and no don't let anyone touch your hair. sae's possessive streak is a rare thing but if anyone touches your hair, that's just asking for it. honestly, it will be easier for both of you if he just says "hey can we forego the hairdryer and have your head on my lap instead this time" but this is an itoshi bloodline elder. the best he could manage is just suddenly burying his face in your hair or suddenly touching it when he is not in the mood to play a game. again, like a cat just taking something he wants. the cat is handsome and loving in his own way though.

nagi turns out to be a very very vocal person when it comes to you. aw, he must be away for a week because of a match? good luck to everyone on his team because he will whine about it every minute or so. some wanted to murder him, but thank god, an "if you look cool don't you think they will be happy?" is enough to shut him up—on camera at least. and wow he thinks you look good in your clothes? you will know it. nagi will say "wear it again", " it suits you", and many other short sentences indeed—he is still not a wordsmith—but simply by the sheer frequency of his praise? everyone and their grandma will know it. one time a brave, poor soul asked him "why the fuck are you so noisy about them?!"—and turns out it is simply because he likes your reaction to his words. you could respond back with cheer, with a calm suave, or sometimes flustered laugh, and nagi eats those up. remember to have special reactions for him though, since he is not above copying a koala or maybe some flirty toucan to have those. nagi has been a tad bit shameless though, despite everything, therefore maybe it's not unsurprising that he kinda of becomes after getting together with you. (in the background, niko nods sagely, "i see. so it's like your oshi character who you want every info of from a dating sim." while barou snaps with a "fucking what?" nagi takes a second to think, and goes, "...kinda." which is obviously an understatement.)

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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Hello 👋 I have been offered the option of volunteering at an assisted living facility for people with high support needs and medium support needs autism. The people who live at the hostel go to a care center during the day but are at the hostel in the afternoon and night and the staff at the hostel does the general stuff of helping them out around the house. That being said when I went to the hostel they explained that they use an ABA based approach of interacting with the residents in a way that according to them is supposed to teach them important communication skills such as pointing to pictures if there is a problem to explain what it is or to wave to get someones attention instead of grabbing them.

From what I heard ABA is wildly considered abusive but the people on staff argued that it is different with medium and high support needs autism. My question is: from your experience can aba be positive? Would you say that it's inherently abusive? Is it different for people with low support needs and medium/high? (I'm sending this to multiple blogs who talk about the topic a lot so you may see this ask multiple times, sorry bout that)

oh yeah this nuanced topic i definitely need answer because find other people say binary “yes” or “no” both not helpful.

obvious trigger warn for ABA, detail talk of abusive ABA

low support needs = LSN, higher support needs = HrSN

TLDR: yes and no

ABA is highly controversial and nuanced topic. if ask most allistic professionals and allistic Autism Parents, most will tell you no (as in ABA never abusive). if ask actually autistic community, including those never been in ABA, most will tell yes (as in ABA always abusive).

personally think is a mix of “it can be,” and wrote more about here, but summary is: ABA can be very abusive, many ABA survivor abused by it. historically been very abusive (old school ABA), many places it still is now, but some places start to change. but saying “oh we do the good ABA” doesn’t mean they not abusive. some ABA survivors (who got ABA in past & present) say they not abused it helped, some say it both helped and abused, some just abused. so i find helpful always high alert when talk about ABA and watch carefully if use ABA.

summary of what i hear of bad ABA: force eye contact, force masking, quiet hands, behaviorally erase autistic/“problematic” trait (but neglect inside feelings & emotions & thought processes). block escape (physically or psychologically), don’t allow leave don’t allow stop task until finish. tech compliance. food reinforcers and planned withholding of needs & key things (like emotional support stuffed animal or affection). see meltdown sensory overload crying as attention seeking so need ignore (instead of see it as pain response as need help as not able communicate before it get bad). typically only value mouth speech and ignore all other communication like behaviors and pointing (“to encourage mouth speech”but is shitty way of doing it) but also can happen with PECS (inherent ABA shitty system) or even AAC devices. often have token chart and discrete trial training (DTT).

summary of what i hear or personal experience of good ABA: teach skills*, like bADLs iADLs self advocacy etc. naturalistic learning. modeling behaviors. functional communication. value receivers (person getting ABA) input if they can communicate. more comparisons

*beware, good ABA focus on teach skill but can still “teach skill” with abusive technique. good ABA need teach functional life skill but teach skill doesn’t inherent make ABA good ABA.

some may argue good ABA isn’t ABA because fundamental ABA principle don’t allow it. personally see where this come from (see: ivar lovaas) but since many who use good ABA techniques still call self ABA, and sometimes it’s “ABA or else,” i focus on harm reduction.

but it also not “there is good ABA and there is bad ABA and good ABA good bad ABA bad.” some place do mix of technique from both—which still make them abusive, but it not like “if i do some good technique i am all good ABA.” good ABA hard to maintain and is active effort to continue because so many of field historically and now is abusive. it just easier explain that way.

don’t think there any technique that, if use on LSN is abusive, but if same thing use on HrSN suddenly not abusive. it sound like very ableist idea. we not that different we may have harder time understand we may have harder time communicate, but we still have feelings. (some of us not understand at all not able words communicate at all, i not one of them obviously but i think may even be worse for them because they don’t understand why you do that why they feel bad or even understand what they feel and can’t words tell feel bad only behavior. but obviously this me guess since am not one of them)

sort of extreme example but it remind me of (wrong) idea that e.g people with severe & profound ID, no person inside no mind inside so akin to dog training just need focus on behavior

as for personal experience, do have personal experience with ABA and not really ready talk about, but in summary: currently am more address immediate urgent thing so may change when we get to routine day skill. but overall good experience very much help very listened to no abuse life saver without it would be in big trouble. but this also because 1) able communicate already can say what want/don’t want, 2) adult own guardian can decide own, 3) progressive area with better healthcare available, 4) now and not 10 or 5 or even 2 year ago.

you specifically mention point to pictures. AAC really should be SLP (speech therapists) territory but SLP field heavily connect with ABA & behavioralism and many ABA places do deal with communication so… yeah.

examples of good & bad ways handle teach below because this get long

bad example:

you want juice. you lead them to fridge. you may even point to (real life) juice. they don’t give you juice and instead say “use your words!” or something.

you want juice. you do gesture (not signs) of cup, or drink, or whatever. they know what you talk about because you done many times, they don’t give you juice. or even if they don’t know what you talk about, they ignore you (instead of respond to behavior communication).

you want juice. you given a board of these pictures and words in squares, eat drink juice fruit chips cookie etc etc. you confused. no one ever show you what do with it. you meltdown from frustrate.

you want juice. you try all above. no one respond. you meltdown from frustrate. you labeled as have behavioral issues and that meltdown came from nowhere, you labeled as can’t be helped

you want juice. you try all above. only way people actually respond and give you juice is: you get to velcro wall of picture cards. you identify “juice” symbol from all other symbols. you have fine motor skill to take “juice” symbol off from wall. then you go to adult person. you make eye contact with them for period of some seconds while calmly give them juice card. you may or may not be encouraged or even have to mouth say word “juice.” then you finally get juice.

not abusive per se but also not great example

you want juice. you have to stop what doing and go get your device or communication book (or other person go get), then you can point to juice. your words not available to you all the time or you have to ask for them. (know communication books and picture card walls often bulky and hard carry everywhere and don’t have great solution but still ideally words available all time)

good example:

you want juice. let go back to the point to fridge and real life juice example. you point. the helper person/therapist/etc see and mouth say “do you want juice?” and model on AAC device or communicate book “want” “juice” (model without expectations). then they give juice. and they repeat modeling in all situations without expect them immediate respond to AAC or expect them will respond in x weeks etc. just model as part of communication.) more on modeling

random grab people can be frustrate for other people and not most effective way communicate and should try best give more way communicate, but also need understand that behavior is communicate, and many “extreme” and “problematic” behavior happen probably because no other way know communicate or all other way communicate accidentally ignore. so should respect it and see it for it purpose & teach functional communicate same time. (not saying you don’t understand this just is something i see many people forget so feel need talk about every time)

#aba tw #aba therapy tw #answered #loaf screm #long post

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captainmera · 6 months

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Can I ask if there are any Rå in IBWR and if so, can we have some info on them in that world? (E.g. tomtar, trolls, huldra, etc) Would there be regional differences too throughout the Nordics?

[IBWR comic]

That's a peculiar! Fae-type! :D

(skogs)Rå is the Swedish name for what the English would be a Nymph!

NYMPH (Skogsrå) - PECULIAR TYPE FAE

Their appearance key factors are thus:

Their rainbow eyes are constantly shifting. But more often than not, they will unconsciously take the eye colour of whomever they're speaking to.

POWERS

Their "power" is shapeshifting!

Now, to protect themselves from hunters; it is common practice to cut the tail off on them when they're babies. But doing so means they will have phantom feelings all their life.

Some cut it off when they're older to protect themselves or sell it to a witch-store for money. It's not an easy decision, but poverty is ripe within the peculiar community.

See, this is the "lucky peculiar" because they can easily hide amongst the regulars. A well-trained nymph can go a whole day, if not several days, in a different form.

Transforming into objects, animals, or camouflage with the environment is a skill that must be practised. They can also not become bigger or smaller than they are. Their mass must go somewhere.

They need to have seen a person to be able to copy them.

They can change pigment and hair type/colour, however! Furthermore, they can't produce more hair than they got. So if you see them grow their hair out all of a sudden, you can be sure their tail is currently bald.

Nymphs do not like showing their bald tails, or stumped tails.

Despite being "lucky," they often find themselves in predicaments of others adoration and desire.

UNFORTUNATE

They are popular in Molly houses if they do find themselves in the trade of selling sexual favours. For obvious reasons.

Their mental health is typically in the body dysmorphia areas of mental illness, as they are frequently asked to look a certain way, or feel pressured to morph themselves around. Insecurity is sometimes a fatality and not uncommon.

If it's very bad for them, they can get stuck in a constant morphism and disfigure themselves out of stress. After all, if you think you're ugly, or think you have to be pretty/look like someone else, you can get pretty messed up.

"You are what you think you are." is a common phrase in the nymph community.

SWEDEN

In Sweden, they are called a "rå."

it means "forest rå," Rå is short for "rådde" an old Swedish term for "watching/guardian", so; forest guardian.

There are various types in Sweden of the Rå: Bergsrå (mountain), Sjörå (lake), Gruvrå (mine).

The differentiation of them are not physical. They all look the same and are the same. The categorisation is defined by tribe that they belong to. You can recognise it on their clothes or their jewellery.

Skogsrå will wear leather, green colours and greyish white. Bergsrå will wear gold, red and dark grey, their jewellery is mainly copper. Sjörå will wear beautiful cotton garbs with lots of swirly patterns, often in hues of blue, and silver. Gruvrå wears black, silver, iron, and grey. Their skin is also mostly paler than the others.

................................................

Now you also asked about tomtar and trolls! Those are spirits!

But I will tell you some fun fact about the word "troll" that I have incorporated for Theodore's Swedish heritage as a witch.

The word for "magic" are two in Swedish: Magi and Trolldom.

Magi is pretty directly translated as magic, but the act of doing magic is "to trolla".

Trolldom is directly translated as witchcraft.

But a witch is not "troll" it is "häxa". Because a häxa "hexes" someone with their magic. It is inherently an evil act, while trolldom/witchcraft in and of itself is not evil.

Now in the world of IBWR, witches are seen as good - or rather a necessary evil.

The things you and I would attribute to have been caused by witches (you know, during the various witch trials and what witches were accused of doing). Is historically in IBWR what is applied onto peculiars - attributed to their powers and looks.

Peculiars are seen as half-human, especially in Scandinavia. It is an old pagan belief that the mother of monsters birthed them. Whatever that's true or not, who knows. It's kinda the same sort of shrug-history as humans being descendants of Adam and Eve.

They are thought of naturally causing mayhem, that they lack souls, and that (even if they are christians) are inherently pagan. (there is a huge double standard, as witches are christi-pagan themselves and are not thought of as heretics or evil)

But because of this, peculiars (in Scandinavia) are called Fanskap.

Fanskap is made up by two words: Fan (a nickname for the devil) and Skap (short for "skapad", meaning: something that has been made). So Fanskap means "Made by the devil".

Fanskap is a curse word in Swedish, or it used to be anyway. It's a bit of an old-man thing to say (I still use it, but my Swedish is quite old fashioned).

Peculiars (or in this case, fanskap) seek each other out in Scandinavia, preferably to whatever tribe of rå that will have them. The rå tribes are wealthier with status (often they make little villages in the woods/mountains/etc) and, historically, they and the witches have an understanding.

After all, witches and hunters are sometimes interchangeable. If a peculiar/fanskap fucks up; does a crime or is accused of having done something evil-magi, it can be solved between the witches and the rå-tribe.

----------------

I can't say more than that because I am still developing the Swedish stuff of IBWR, so that last bit might shift a little depending on how things develop when I get to that point. It is very late-game stuff of the story. But this is what I'm willing to share about it. :'D

#ibwr #ibwr ask #ibwr lore #peculiar lore #ibwr sweden

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illnessfaker · 11 months

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"go ahead and use that mobility aid if you think it'll help you" as encouragement towards ambulatory physically disabled people who would benefit from it being a pervasive mentality among physically disabled communities on social media is a very good thing, don't get me wrong, but the experience of being an ambulatory physically disabled person whose quality of life would improve greatly from the use of a cane, crutches, rollater, wheelchair, etc. but doesn't use them (or use them as much as we should) due to the fact that doing so very obviously marks us as a potential target for discrimination or even violence (whether physical or social) when we're out in public and so we choose to suffer the consequences, especially for those of us who are already marked in other ways for discrimination, violence, and stigma (e.g. black people, other poc, being visibly trans, queer, or gnc, and visible physical disabilities or bodily differences that don't affect mobility in any sense.)

like personally i might get marked as physically disabled by others regardless, depending on how visible some of my symptoms are in the moment, and some of me not using mobility aids very much at all anymore comes from an internal sense of shame and internalized ableism, but a more significant factor i would say is acute awareness of the stigma associated with it. which makes the fact that other people will in fact notice i'm using a cane, crutch, etc. when in public feel pretty scary! especially on top of the fact i already get noticed and singled out in public spaces for other reasons (i've been called slurs + microaggressions that otherwise signal i'm not doing gender correctly since elementary school, loud speech due to lack of appropriate volume modulation associated with autism/adhd, my speech otherwise being "weird" due to coordination/motor impairments, etc.) as a result, people recognizing that i'm using a mobility aid in public even if it's an entirely positive or neutral observation makes me want to shrink into a ball and disappear. this is despite the fact that one of my most impairing symptoms is orthostatic intolerance + my muscles don't support me properly so being as mobile as able-bodied people in my age range inevitably causes me a lot of pain and can make me very sick/a faint risk or put me at risk for head injury if things get bad enough (though that only happens sometimes.)

this is very anecdotal but i don't want to be noticed, i just want to be left alone. while i can't always hide the fact that i have stuff physically wrong with me because some things like my coordination/motor skill issues can sometimes become obvious to strangers, using a mobility aid sure kicks physical disability right up to being a master status in terms of things i suffer marginalization for in my particular situation (the same may not apply to other groups because, for example, i'm white.) and these circumstances are obviously very different from physically disabled people who aren't ambulatory or who otherwise may not have a choice in the matter when it comes to using mobility aids (some physically disabled people who are ambulatory still might not have any real choice because walking without aid, while they're technically capable of the action, is still unsafe if done for extended period of time, or maybe they can only walk for a few minutes at most before it becomes dangerous, etc.)

#ableism #physical disability #cpunk #cripple punk #chronic illness #op

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crossingbaranduin · 1 year

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Got a big project due tomorrow, so time to procrastinate in the best way I know how: headcanons! A TAJ one again — this time about Mike's powers!

Have been thinking about what the significant downside of each characters’ powers would be, since that’s slowly come up more in the show. Ty’s is obvious + canon already. I’d say Axl’s stays a bit less defined like his powers are overall (though I’d count the lack of control + ties to emotion as the downside). While I don’t vibe with the “Bragi communicates directly with Anders” headcanon out of some specific AUs, I do like the idea that the connection to words leads to constantly having too many thought streams all at once/effectively never having mental quiet. (I’ve also seen that tied to his usage of alcohol/drugs, as a way to somewhat keep it down, which would make a lot of sense imo.) But I haven’t seen a headcanon for Mike before, so I’d like to suggest: sensory overload/overstimulation!

(This got very, very detailed, so putting the rest under a read more! I have... a lot of thoughts.)

This idea is a loose exaggeration of the hunting skill in the show, with the upside being that in general, Ullr grants better senses to boost that. The downside, though, is that mortal vessels aren’t really built to take in that much sensory input, and without a good way to turn it off, it could get overwhelming very fast.

However, I don’t think Mike actually puts it together that it’s because of Ullr for a lot of reasons:

1) Mike is effectively flying blind with the whole powers thing. He’s the first one to manifest, with next to no guidance, and then is just basically trying to keep shit together. The connection just… doesn’t get made. Anders also doesn’t bring Bragi’s downsides up because 1) he and Mike aren’t close enough around that point to talk about it and 2) since Mike never mentioned there being downsides in that way, Anders also takes a while to put it together. (I also think he’d be less likely to openly admit it as a weakness for a lot of reasons, but that’s for another post!) By the time we get a Johnson with obvious downsides — Ty — his are so much more severe that it doesn’t occur that everyone technically has the same issue, Ty’s is just… a lot worse.

2) I like the headcanons that bring up how stifling powers as a vessel could have consequences later down the line. Mike cuts off his usage of Ullr fairly early, and with that, cutting his extra senses off also cuts off the flood of sensory input. Sure, it can leak through sometimes, but it’s no longer a consistent issue. When he does finally decide to use his powers actively again at the end of S1… oh boy, that’s gonna be one hell of a dam breaking. At first, there’s enough major life changes going on at that point to chalk it up to stress, but bottling up powers for the majority of fifteen years is gonna leave them very out of whack once they’re no longer suppressed.

3) Again with referencing other posts I should make: I have a long hc about how the first year or so of god powers is overwhelming mentally and tends to lead to a lot of rash behavior and all-around bad ideas while everything settles out. My personal TAJ timeline has Rob’s accident taking place about 3 months after Mike turns 21, so since Mike shoved everything down during that first year, that settling-in process got somewhat messed up. It attempts to fix itself once he actively starts using his powers again — aka unknowingly dumping him back where he left off. Combine the major life problems he goes through at the end of S1, Ullr’s powers in general — aka easily abusable for dumb shit, and that god-power-settling… and yeah, you get early-S2 Mike.

4) A good chunk of it can also be assigned to Mike just not wanting to admit things are wrong in general. Can’t have a problem if you don’t admit it, right?

Now, beyond that mountain of setup, I’d love to see a scene where it finally clicks that 1) yes, there are specific downsides to Ullr and 2) whoops, Mike needing some peace and quiet from everyone’s bullshit isn’t just because they’re a chaotic bunch, it’s because being at a 12/10 on all senses all the time can suck.

Fun details from that hypothetical scene from my Google Doc:

Mike eventually snaps about everyone and everything being too much at one of the group gatherings at the bar while it’s closed. Everyone’s actually been fairly calm and quiet that day, which is why it’s surprising. Mike can’t put it into words either, and the situation almost devolves into another usual bickering session until…

Anders puts it together first; personal headcanon is that his degree is a communications major/psych and literature minors, so that + Bragi equals General People Knowledge. Immediately puts his foot in his mouth by just blurting out “wait, are you overstimulated??” — which gets interpreted as him making a sex joke, to which Ty clarifies no, he’s being serious and is probably right, actually.

The subject gets dropped fairly quickly by Mike, who looks pretty uncomfortable with having this realization so far down the line, making the argument that it’s something they can’t fix just like with Ty’s downsides, so they should all drop it (on the threat of no more drinks). However, everyone keeps considering it privately afterwards, and Mike slowly ends up with some gifts showing up behind the bar. The next three bullet points are the gifts from each the brothers:

Anders: Pair of fancy active noise cancelling headphones. Showy, definitely not Mike’s style, but work too damn well for him to turn down. Doesn’t have a note attached, but it’s fairly obvious who they’re from, even if they don’t talk about it afterwards. Broke once due to an unfortunate accident with some god shenanigans but were mysteriously replaced rather quickly.

Ty: blackout curtains + a blackout eye mask with those cooling gel inserts. Attached with an offer to Hod-super-freeze them whenever. The latter isn't as convenient to use, since it'd definitely be the target of some ribbing (lighthearted, but enough for Mike to just proceed to refuse to use it), but Ty's ability to keep things chilled while he's around makes it a godsend (haha) sometimes. A good gift combo in general because the cycle of sensory overload + lack of sleep gets nasty fast.

Axl: combination gift from himself, Zeb, and Gaia. This is a while before weighted blankets are super commercially available, but he read about it online and wants to make one for Mike. Major problem: he has zero sewing skills. Zeb tries to help but equally has no skills. Gaia takes pity on them and helps them with the sewing (with a joke about how it’s better than sewing up stitches from one of their other bad plans, at least). One side is a fairly standard flannel pattern; the other is something referencing Ullr (casino cards and dice?) This is the only one directly delivered and not just left at the bar; the whole thing has "awkward but genuinely sweet Father's Day gift-giving" vibes.

Directly asking Mike if he’s overstimulated when he’s annoyed will only make it worse… but caving eventually to go take a bit and chill out is still better than sensory overload, so this group with zero boundaries will prod him anyways. There’s a lot of ribbing about if he doesn’t go chill out, they’ll actually go through with drinking the whole bar’s stock this time.

This ended up probably longer than the eventual fic itself, and with many other headcanons interspersed, but if you read this far, I hope you enjoyed it! Writing headcanons and scenarios for this show is just too much fun. (PS: apologies for any super dense text! Tumblr's formatting was not cooperating, RIP.)

#the almighty johnsons #taj #taj headcanons #headcanons #mike johnson #the almighty johnson headcanons #discussion

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criminologystudies22 · 2 years

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Working with Vulnerable & Challenging people - is it really so bad?

Now in my studies, if I have learnt anything it’s that no matter what path you may take after this course, you are guaranteed to be working with a vulnerable person of some kind. If you have no experience in this, it can be scary, the unknown is scary sometimes. But that’s perfectly normal, it’s how we develop our skills, and take in the knowledge given to us to put it into practice when challenged.

Did you know over a third of contract centres (34%) don’t even cover vulnerable customer training within their im induction training.

Say you finish this course, and move on to a job role which is in that category, will you therefore lack confidence?

Absolutely not! In my opinion, we have ALL been new to dealing with vulnerable/challenging people at some point, and from personal experience the best way to handle these situations, is experience. Sometimes being put on the spot, and challenging yourself, helps.

But how could we prepare for those less confident in almost going blind into situations and career paths?

Speak to your teachers, course leaders, anyone! They each will have a story or 10 of a time they handled a situation with somebody challenging if not vulnerable. Take their knowledge, and put it into practice. How did they handle that situation? Could you use their techniques in your situation? Take peoples advice and knowledge, you never know when you may need it.

Websites - Surprisingly, upon researching if there are any strong tips on websites, I was pleasantly surprised. Though, they’re very factual and by the book, still very correct nonetheless.

“Be Careful of the Vulnerable Customer Label

Before we go into how to best handle contacts from vulnerable customers, it’s first important to stress that vulnerability is a controversial label.

The vulnerable tag is one that we impose upon our customers and one that some vulnerable customer groups will challenge. After all, a customer who doesn’t think of themselves as vulnerable may be a little embarrassed or even offended if they feel that they are being singled out.

With this in mind, it’s important to train advisors to always be respectful and caring when handling contacts from vulnerable customers, while also creating training objectives around this principle.”

This was something I found extremely important. If you’re dealing with someone whom you deem ‘vulnerable’ of any kind, definitely do not make it obvious or patronising to that person that you see them as a vulnerable person. Even if they obviously/evidently are, for whatever reason, remain as calm, and professional as possible, and try your best to treat them as you would anybody non vulnerable. Definitely do not directly state to that person, that they are vulnerable.

Look up examples of vulnerable customers. What could be an obvious vulnerable person to you, may not be to somebody else. Which is why it is so surprising such a high percentage of work environments don’t offer training on the subject. Sometimes being vulnerable isn’t something you can physically see, sometimes it’s a mental/emotional state, or a personal situation.

Some tips I found:

Ask the customer their communication preferences.

Why? They could be using their phone as they believe it is their only option, make them aware if it is not.

They could have hearing or sighting difficulties, how could you help? These are things such as live chats, braille, even adjusting letter size on their correspondence.

Clarify an understanding- If you’re giving factual information, or information of any kind, it helps to ask the customer if that makes sense, or if there is anything they require you to go over again. Something what could make a lot of sense to you, may not to somebody else. Sometimes it’s a case of re phrasing, or repeating, take your time.

https://www.callcentrehelper.com/dealing-vulnerable-customers-135486.htm#:~:text=%20Meeting%20the%20Needs%20of%20Vulnerable%20Customers%20,relate%20to%20them%20better%20and%20home...%20More%20

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rosequartz-propaganda · 3 years

Text

What are some common consequences of being neglected as a child? source: r/emotionalneglect

Pete Walker identifies neglect as the "core wound" in complex PTSD. He writes in Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving,

"Growing up emotionally neglected is like nearly dying of thirst outside the fenced off fountain of a parent's warmth and interest. Emotional neglect makes children feel worthless, unlovable and excruciatingly empty. It leaves them with a hunger that gnaws deeply at the center of their being. They starve for human warmth and comfort."

Self esteem that is low, fragile or nearly non-existent: all forms of abuse and neglect make a child feel worthless and despondent and lead to self-blame, because when we are totally dependent on our parents we need to believe they are good in order to feel secure. This belief is upheld at the expense of our own boundaries and internal sense of self.

Pervasive sense of shame: a deeply ingrained sense that "I am bad" due to years of parents and caregivers avoiding closeness with us.

Little or no self-compassion: When we are not treated with compassion, it becomes very difficult to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially in the midst of our own struggles and shortcomings. A lack of self-compassion leads to punishment and harsh criticism of ourselves along with not taking into account the difficulties caused by circumstances outside of our control.

Anxiety: frequent or constant fear and stress with no obvious outside cause, especially in social situations. Without being adequately shown in our childhoods how we belong in the world or being taught how to soothe ourselves we are left with a persistent sense that we are in danger.

Difficulty setting boundaries: Personal boundaries allow us to not make other people's problems our own, to distance ourselves from unfair criticism, and to assert our own rights and interests. When a child's boundaries are regularly invalidated or violated, they can grow up with a heavy sense of guilt about defending or defining themselves as their own separate beings.

Isolation: this can take the form of social withdrawal, having only superficial relationships, or avoiding emotional closeness with others. A lack of emotional connection, empathy, or trust can reinforce isolation since others may perceive us as being distant, aloof, or unavailable. This can in turn worsen our sense of shame, anxiety or under-development of social skills.

Refusing or avoiding help (counter-dependency): difficulty expressing one's needs and asking others for help and support, a tendency to do things by oneself to a degree that is harmful or limits one's growth, and feeling uncomfortable or 'trapped' in close relationships.

Codependency (the 'fawn' response): excessively relying on other people for approval and a sense of identity. This often takes the form of damaging self-sacrifice for the sake of others, putting others' needs above our own, and ignoring or suppressing our own needs.

Cognitive distortions: irrational beliefs and thought patterns that distort our perception. Emotional neglect often leads to cognitive distortions when a child uses their interactions with the very small but highly influential sample of people—their parents—in order to understand how new situations in life will unfold. As a result they can think in ways that, for example, lead to counterdependency ("If I try to rely on other people, I will be a disappointment / be a burden / get rejected.") Other examples of cognitive distortions include personalization ("this went wrong so something must be wrong with me"), over-generalization ("I'll never manage to do it"), or black and white thinking ("I have to do all of it or the whole thing will be a failure [which makes me a failure]"). Cognitive distortions are reinforced by the confirmation bias, our tendency to disregard information that contradicts our beliefs and instead only consider information that confirms them.

Learned helplessness: the conviction that one is unable and powerless to change one's situation. It causes us to accept situations we are dissatisfied with or harmed by, even though there often could be ways to effect change.

Perfectionism: the unconscious belief that having or showing any flaws will make others reject us. Pete Walker describes how perfectionism develops as a defense against feelings of abandonment that threatened to overwhelm us in childhood: "The child projects his hope for being accepted onto inner demands of self-perfection. ... In this way, the child becomes hyperaware of imperfections and strives to become flawless. Eventually she roots out the ultimate flaw–the mortal sin of wanting or asking for her parents' time or energy."

Difficulty with self-discipline: Neglect can leave us with a lack of impulse control or a weak ability to develop and maintain healthy habits. This often causes problems with completing necessary work or ending addictions, which in turn fuels very cruel self-criticism and digs us deeper into the depressive sense that we are defective or worthless. This consequence of emotional neglect calls for an especially tender and caring approach.

Addictions: to mood-altering substances, foods, or activities like working, watching television, sex or gambling. Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician who writes and speaks about the roots of addiction in childhood trauma, describes all addictions as attempts to get an experience of something like intimate connection in a way that feels safe. Addictions also serve to help us escape the ingrained sense that we are unlovable and to suppress emotional pain.

Numbness or detachment: spending many of our most formative years having to constantly avoid intense feelings because we had little or no help processing them creates internal walls between our conscious awareness and those deeper feelings. This leads to depression, especially after childhood ends and we have to function as independent adults.

Inability to talk about feelings (alexithymia): difficulty in identifying, understanding and communicating one's own feelings and emotional aspects of social interactions. It is sometimes described as a sense of emotional numbness or pervasive feelings of emptiness. It is evidenced by intellectualized or avoidant responses to emotion-related questions, by overly externally oriented thinking and by reduced emotional expression, both verbal and nonverbal.

Emptiness: an impoverished relationship with our internal selves which goes along with a general sense that life is pointless or meaningless.

#hope this resonates with someone

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theprideful · 3 years

Note

I've been trying to ask this for some time actually, so here I go:

Is The Good Doctor good autistic representation? I'm afraid I might have used it when talking to my neurotypical parents about the different ''degrees'' of autism using dr. Shawn as an example when in reality he's a bad example. You're one of the only actually autistic people I can ask this to, even if it might seem a stupid question, but like... Is he good autistic representation?

Thanks for the attention anyways <3

(since this is about neurodivergence and a bit long, I'm going to bold and highlight some phrases here and there, because it makes it a little easier to read.)

so, is The Good Doctor good autism rep: in my opinion, no. are there autistic people like him in real life? absolutely. but is he a good, true reflection of what autism actually is? not really.

my problem with The Good Doctor is that it employs a lot of stereotypes, and whether or not they're "good" doesn't really change the fact that it enforces this really narrow idea of what autism is to allistics; white, cishet, nerdy male who is a genius savant and lacks social skills. autism is incredibly diverse and multifaceted, and anyone and everyone will experience it differently. so the fact that only stories like Shawn's are shown really limits our progress on combatting misinformation.

but it's not just that the show very heavily leans on stereotypes and lacks general creativity in portraying the neurotype, it's that it was really obvious how few- if any- actually autistic people were consulted. it feels like a production made for capitalizing on us without actually putting in the work to show us for who and what we really are. it honestly seems like they read a few articles online and watched "rain man" (which also has many of these same issues) and based their story off of that. it's hard to tell from a glance, but the more you look into it, the more you can see that it's just regurgitating the same narrative under a shinier lens and the guise of modernity and "wokeness." this specific story they decided to tell is quite unoriginal and reflects a very small percentage of us. that's not to say that none of us can relate or see ourselves in Shawn, but the most us can't - at least, not very often or consistently. (also, there is shown to be a strong link between autism and queerness, so it's strange that even in a time where psycho/neurological research and information is rising, the white cishet protagonist remains at the front and center of autism media.)

furthermore, some of the stereotypes and "traits" they used are not supported or even really experienced by the autistic community. for instance, his visualization of anatomical systems and functions in a hyper-realistic manner is not an autistic trait. sure, there are people on the spectrum with eidetic memories and incredibly vivid "inner-eyes", but again, only a small percentage of us have that, and it's not inherently an autistic trait. (Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds is another good example of this exact scenario.) this could, in theory, tie in with the trait of "detail-orientedness" that many of us experience. but it is likely a characteristic of an entirely different disorder or neurodivergency, which only furthers the idea that it was not researched in depth and the autism aspect was only meant to serve as a plot device to make him "interesting." i don't know about you, but i personally don't like the idea of only being allowed to exist as an autistic person if neurotypicals find me interesting or "plot-relevant."

as with the last statement, the same thing also applies to the "genius savant" stereotype. believe it or not, not many autistic people are actually savants in the quirky, brilliant way that hollywood likes to portray. we have our own skills, just like allistics. sometimes our autism "enhances" them or acts as an asset. but it's kind of a roll of the dice. the way i see it is, you can have red hair and be left-handed, but neither is an automatic, promised precursor for the other. you can be autistic and a good doctor or genius scientist, but one does not necessarily cause or even influence the other. again, in this story, it's not inherently an issue. but this narrative is pushed so much, all the time, that it's really starting to feel like it's the only way we'll be accepted. but also, it solidifies this concept of "two types of autistic people at 'opposite' ends of the spectrum," where Shawn is the "high-functioning genius" type. it's a really narrow definition and caricature of a really diverse group, and it limits the way we are perceived by allistics and neurotypicals.

sorry for the long response, but in conclusion, no, it's not really good representation because it only shows one very small fraction of autism and is not entirely accurate.

one good thing i will say, though, is that I do appreciate the writers revealing his traumatic past. many autistic people experience trauma and develop PTSD, depression, and anxiety (and possibly obsessive compulsions) because of lack of understanding, so it was refreshing to see some actual multidimensional backstory that is realistic to autistic people. anyway, overall it could've been better rendered and I think if the writers weren't afraid of losing the cherished white cis-het male protagonist trope and dramatization of neurodivergence in a way that they actually stopped describing that disorder*, it could've been a lot more realistic and actually relatable/applicable to real life.

*"disorder" does not apply to all autistic people. it is a label that individuals can use to describe themselves.

if any other autistic people have any thoughts, feel free to share! i'd love to hear your opinions as well

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ayamturd · 3 years

Text

bisexual│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested 1 & 2) “Hello uh I saw one of your posts about the dream smp reacting to you coming out so I was wondering if you haven't already done it can you do dream smp reacting to you coming out as bisexual?”

“Hello yamturd so I was wondering if maybe you could do tubbo, Tommy and Ranboo reacting to reader coming out as bisexual or lesbian if you haven't already done it :)”

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, tommy and tubbo ; c!technoblade

a/n: if i offend or misinterpret anything in this hc, please feel free to message and correct me otherwise. i will always try to correct or delete this post if asked so <33

sending my love to all those who identify as bisexual <33

wc: (1.5k) - m.list

dream -

considering his prideful personality sometimes, you probably wanted to play with his ego and drop subtle hints

not anything too obvious, but enough to make him kick himself when he realizes

though it was admittedly difficult since he plays into the dnf ship so much that he thinks you’re also joking more than half the time

imagine you two were in a voice call one evening and randomly discussing the recent fanon and what would be funny to turn into canon (to mess with the fandom)

you’ve been recently shipped with two other content creators, both of opposing female and male gender, separately and together

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind hitting that.” “Which one?” “Both.”

He’d laugh, but you didn’t.

“Wait, you’re serious? You actually identify as…?” “Bisexual. Yeah, I’m pretty sure anyway.” “Y/n, that’s amazing.”

takes pride in the fact that you trust him, but would feign being upset that you messed with him for as long as you did

be jokingly offended if he found out someone knew before him

“Wait…” “Yes?” “You told Bad??” “Yeah, he was one of the first.” “W— Why??”

It was your turn to laugh while he gawked in disbelief.

“It’s Bad! Of course I told him.” “… Fair enough.”

hate is a given, and he’ll always be there to support and defend you

he’ll always ask your permission before taking any action, however, because he respects you too much and knows you can fight your own battles

dream is someone will show relentless support, whether that be through words or moral support, he’ll always be there for you

c!technoblade -

i honestly feel like you never officially came out to techno

as you began to recognize yourself as bisexual, you slowly expressed yourself around him more openly to the point where he unconsciously knew

it’d probably would have hit him in the most random moment after months of assuming he knew

imagine you’re in the midst of battle when techno paused entirely with wide eyes

“Y/n!” “What!?” “Are you gay??”

you would tease him when discussing your love life in one-sided conversations with him; him basically choosing to ignore you when you talk to him

“Honestly, Techno, how could you not want to hit that?” “Please, just stop.”

(i’ve written this before but will stand by this that) he truly doesn’t care for your sexuality

you’re a friend, someone he trusts and relies on, he doesn’t need to consider who you’re attracted to since he sees you for your skills and friendship

the only, and only time he is mindful of your sexuality depends on others unnecessary comments about it

the smp is a known judgement free land, but there will always be someone with ignorant opinions that he is always quick to shut down (or kill)

nothing much can be said besides the fact that you’ll always be y/n to him: a loyal friend and someone he would fight the world for

ranboo -

oh sweet ranboo, dear ranboo

considering how openly supportive and kind he naturally is, you didn’t question the idea of telling him

i’d like to imagine that unlike most where you planned or waited to tell, the moment you knew, he would know soon after

imagine you called him before he began his lore stream to hype him up

you both were talking about more mundane things to calm his nerves as people joined when you brought it up

“Oh actually, before you start, I wanted to tell you something.” “Sure, what is it?” “Well, I— I’m Bisexual.” “…You’re tELLING ME THIS WHEN I’M ABOUT TO START MY STREAM??” “Y/n! I’m so happy for you, that’s amazing!”

he’s incredibly patient concerning how you wanted others to know or when you were ready to be completely out

similar to c!techno with the same beliefs you’re still y/n, and nothing has changed besides you coming out as yourself

he’s your go to when days are rough, because he knows how to help you understand you’re still loved as the same y/n and nothing less

“Hey, hey, listen to me. I love you, y/n. We all do, and you’ll never be alone when things get rough, alright?” (love /p)

knows how to silently deal with hate in his chat unless it becomes evident enough to address it (doesn’t want to bring attention to meaningless words until it becomes serious)

ranboo’s your rock and makes show that he’ll never believe anything other than that you deserve love

tommyinnit -

as someone who took pride in defending the LGBTQ+ community, you had no hesitation when coming out to tommy

if any, your reluctance would come from accepting yourself to the point to be open with other people

it’s not as if he didn’t accept you, he could never imagine doing so in the slightest, but he probably wouldn’t know what to say initially

imagine you both were in the midst of playing bedwars together in a recording for a video

he had been busy gathering emeralds while you remained at the base, and the comforting silence gave you the confidence to blindly address it

“Hey Tommy?” “What, y/n? I’m in the middle of something right now.” “Oh, um, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” “…” “…Tommy?” “…” “T— Tommy?”

it’d be dead quiet for a few seconds before you heard the noise of him rustling in realization

“Wait wait wait, you’re serious? You’re bisexual?” “Haha yeah, yeah, I am.” “WHA—!”

he was happy for you, to say the least

tommy loves to joke, and one he loved to make would be your attraction to both genders

you like women? pog!

you like men? a shame, honestly

if you were publicly out, his favorite bit would be to include you in his obnoxious swooning

imagine he was streaming while talking about his love for women

“Boys, honestly, the ladies just can’t resist me.”

The ding of discord notified you entering the call, the sound of your laughter immediately coming through.

“I agree, Tommy, I definitely agree.” “Y/n! You are attracted to women, and I am also attracted to women. You can agree women are amazing, yes?” “I can, Tommy. Women are indeed amazing.” “Good lad!” “Tommy, you do realize I’m not only attracted to w—” “Shush, we don’t speak of that.”

he showed his support by normalizing your sexuality, his acceptance quick and easily integrated into your lives

(this is getting long but—) tommy was well aware he lacked some knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community, but openly voiced his ignorance as a sign of awareness itself

he was always quick to correct either himself or others, he refused to accept slander of any type in his streams

would probably try to keep it light heartedly, but scold nonetheless

tommy was your figurative cheerleader, always there to include and uplift you, whether that be through the smallest gestures or loudest cheers

tubbo -

poor tubbo

since he wasn’t the most careful with secrets, you probably withheld telling him till you were ready for most to know

this isn’t to deter anything of not trusting him, he’s still supportive and loving tubbo that wouldn’t dare do anything purposeful against you

if anything, you might have forgotten that he didn’t know when you were casually taking about it within a group

imagine you and Ranboo were trying to get him to sleep one early morning but gave up

you started talking about personal stuff and the topic of your love life came up, specifically the attraction to someone of the same gender

“I don’t know, Ranboo, I mean, I think I like them but at the same time I’m not sure.” “That’s fai—” “Wait, y/n. You’re gay??” “Bisexual, actually.” “WaAA—”

his very sleep deprived state was extremely happy and emotional for you

he’s like the little duckling with a knife, like he loves you completely but will try to hurt anyone that offends you

like tommy, he has no personal knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community but will solely learn for your sake

whether you’re younger or not, tubbo never fails to remind you that he looks up to you

he gives his all and won’t hesitate to provide in any way he can if needed

“You matter,” he’ll always say, “you’re important and no one else’s opinion matter.”

is proud to be your friend and expresses his platonic love in full, for you’re you and are so brave to be yourself despite all

choosing not to tag my usual taglist just cause its a headcanon with a specific request <33 (huge ty to @basilly and @inniterhq though for the advice/motivation to finish this)

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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 3 years

Text

Batfam Among Us Headcanons

I just got a 97.5 on my psych final and I am going to ride that high as long as I can so have some fluff

The world’s greatest detectives are extra okay and of course this transfers into how they play games together

They all arrange desks in one of the guest rooms and set up those testing folders to hide their screens

Bruce bought extra computers just for playing among us, they have about fifty just stacked in the middle of the room in case

They used to use their personal computers but they haven’t since The IncidentTM

(The Incident was when Tim killed Damian for the fifth time that night and Damian nearly strangled him with a computer charger... while it was still attached to a computer... and it fell off the desk and died)

(They also started having assigned seats after that, with Tim and Damian on opposite sides of the circle, but that’s just a coincidence, right?)

Dick

“I’m just happy to spend time with you guys”

It sounds like a lie but he genuinely is just happy to have family time, he’s been suggesting it for years

Who knew all it would take was a murder mystery game with little bean people

Too bad he’s so awful at it

Smiles a lot more when he’s imposter

Sometimes giggles a little when he commits a murder

Everyone is lowkey concerned with how much he’s enjoying killing them

But they don’t think about that or mention it because J’ACCUSE!

He insists it’s part of his strategy and that he does it on purpose

Longest long con in the history of gaming

It’s still going, even

…

(It’s not on purpose)

Jason

“If Bruce is the first one dead it’s Jason”

It makes him very easy to frame

But by god will he continue to do it

Problem is, after a while it became impossible to know if it was him or someone framing him again

And he doesn’t make it easy to figure out

This man hasn’t given a straight answer in his life

“Did you kill him” “No. Yes. Maybe. But I’m gonna say no.”

“What was I doing? Tasks, duh. Where? Places.”

They lowkey hate him

Babs

Originally didn’t play

But eventually wanted to know what the fuss was about

Is now addicted

Even plays when the rest of the family isn’t there

She really only likes the tasks, though

The fact that there’s a murderer on the ship is irrelevant

It’s really obvious when she’s just been killed (at least by bat standards) because she goes “oh”

And then she goes straight back to tasks

Absolutely throws the game when she’s imposter

“Was it you?” “Maybe but have you considered that he deserved it”

Tim

He has made it his mission to figure out who the imposters are every round

Throws accusations everywhere no matter what, he figures he has to be right at some point

His points are all valid but he has trouble giving an actually convincing argument

Trust him guys he knows what he’s saying you’re just s t u p i d

“When I get communication skills it’s over for all of you!”

He does not, in fact, ever get communication skills

When he’s the imposter though…

He also tries to keep up the constant accusations

The reasoning is worse when he’s imposter

But that’s okay because no one understands what he’s saying either way

Kills and then hides in the vents for the rest of the round

They try and stack on vents to catch him out

He always knows

A l w a y s

Steph

She doesn’t care who gets mad at her, she is going to win this if it’s the last thing she does

And what’s her strategy to do so?

She doesn’t really have one

But it’s working

She’s so bold that most the time she stuns people into silence

Blatant lies all around

Will self report and lie her ass off

Will kill in a crowd of people

Will lie and say she was with you even if you only saw her for a few seconds

No one knows when she’s telling the truth

They don’t even know if SHE knows if she’s telling the truth because she is so confident about it

Cass

Isn’t allowed to play

She was allowed to for One Round

The screen comes up and she just says “It’s Bruce and Tim”

It was, in fact, Bruce and Tim

They were not happy with this

Now she sits in the corner and watches them all

It’s a little bit creepy but it’s better than her spoiling the game sooooo

Damian

Plays third imposter when Dick is imposter

Dick will find him alone and run around him in a circle and then off they go

This is never reciprocated

And yet Damian is always shocked when Dick turns him in

Always gets angry when he gets accused

Everyone loves throwing him under the bus

Do they usually think it’s him? No. Are they going to vote for him anyways to watch him get all pouty and whiney? Yes. Absolutely

What else are siblings for?

“I will kill you all!” “That sounds like something an imposter would say” “Not like that!” “That sounds like something an imposter would say”

Duke

Definitely just there to watch them all fight

If this was a few years ago he would have suggested monopoly

He wants to watch the world as we know it burn

But no one ever suspects him of it

They just think he’s too nice

You’d think they’d learn their lesson eventually but this family only has one braincell collectively and, unfortunately, Cass isn’t allowed to play

Sometimes Duke will literally walk away from a body and they won’t even try to throw sus on him

“Duke was standing over a body on cams” “That sounds like something an imposter would --”

Bruce

He takes red so Jason and Tim don’t fight over it

He usually figures out who the imposters are pretty quickly

Too bad he’s always killed first round

“If B makes it to second round it’s him”

That’s okay. He doesn’t like the game anyways

Or, at least, that’s what he tells himself

Whatever helps him sleep at night, I guess

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himitsu-luna · 3 years

Text

Headcanon

𔓘⭑ ࣪˖ Nct 127 as boyfriends ˖ ࣪⭑𔓘

։ຼ⚘ Taeil

~ Key words: healing hugs, comfort, easy love

Taeil is the type of boyfriend that you feel like you know for a much longer time than you actually do, just because everything feels so natural and comfortable with him. To him, relationships are meant to be easy, fun, light, safe, unproblematic, so he works with you to achieve this scenario. He feels like home and he makes loving and being loved look simple. He loves the intimacy of domestic dates, they give him the sense of bonding and growing closer. Cooking, watching movies, just lazing around, sharing secrets and also laughs while wrapped around a cozy blanket are some of his favorite things to do with you. But he also loves being adventurous, going wild once in a while, looking for interesting things to do with you deep at night. He is the type of boyfriend that shyly approaches you to give you a tight hug he was craving the whole day; that sings for you whenever you ask him to do so; that does silly things just to see you laughing; that passionately researches how to cook something just because you mentioned you wanted to eat it; that gives you his hoodies because he thinks you're the cutest with them; that hypes you up like no one else does.

։ຼ⚘ Johnny

~ Key words: joyful smiles, romance, mature love

Do you know that perfect image of a boyfriend we build in our heads and fantasize about? That's Johnny. He might look all cool and detached, but he is the warmest and most caring person you could ever meet. When he gets into a relationship, he takes it very seriously. He does his best to be the best version of himself. He is patient, easy going, mature, and loves to have long conversations with you when you go to your weekly coffee date. He is the type of boyfriend that surprises you with romantic acts out of blue and acts like he did nothing; that carries you to bed when you're too tired; that remembers little and big things about you; that picks you up wherever you are and gets out of the car just to open the door for you; that rushes to buy you medicine when you're sick and that falls asleep beside your bed. He also has his mischivious side, which makes your dynamics even more interesting. He is the boyfriend that carries you on his shoulders at a concert; that hides behind a door to jump and scare you; that tickles you until you can't laugh anymore. He is the type of boyfriend that treats you like royalty and also like his best friend.

։ຼ⚘ Taeyong

~ Key words: day dreaming gazes, companionship, reassuring love

Taeyong as a boyfriend feels like a partner for life. You can't help but catching yourself imagining a whole married life with him, but little you know he is doing the exact same thing. He is the type of boyfriend that genuinely does his best to get involved in your life and to be part of it. He asks you about your day, about your dreams, about your plans, and listens to you attentively. Communicating with him is not a problem. Actually, he is usually the first one to send you a message, or to give you a call. Also, the amount of support you receive from him is enourmous, since he admires and believes in you unconditionaly. It's natural for him to say "we" instead of "I", because he considers you in every step he takes. He is the type of boyfriend that crafts little things for you; that makes you that cute lunch boxes with even cuter post-its on them; that has a notebook filled with lyrics he wrote about you; that smiles fondly everytime he hears your name; that don't fail one day on sending you a gooodnight message; that pulls you to dance in the middle of the kitchen.

։ຼ⚘ Yuta

~ Key words: undivided attention, loyalty, intense love

Yuta is someone who won't ever leave room for doubts or insecurities regarding the love he feels for you, regarding your relationship. He can't get tired of telling and showing you how important you are to him. He gives you a lot of attention and takes good care of you. It's impossible for him to be indifferent when you're around, he is too into you, he has eyes just for you. He expresses his emotions clearly and makes his moods obvious, so the relationship is super transparent. The excitement of the relationship seems to never cease. He is naturally original and interesting, and he doesn't even need to try hard to get you hooked. Yuta's love is intoxicating, inebriating. He is the type of boyfriend that does your nails, your hair and your make up, but says that you look amazing without all of it; that gives you his jacket and also embraces you to make sure you're not cold, even though he is freezing; that turns off his phone when you're spending time together; that jokingly (or not) acts protective towards you; that doodles hearts on your arm; that winks at you from afar.

։ຼ⚘ Doyoung

~ Key words: meaningful acts, care, one and only love

Doyoung's hobby is taking care of you. And yes, it's his hobby, because he doesn't see it as an obligation or a duty. He truly likes pampering you and making your life easier. He openly admits that you are his weakness, his soft spot, the only one who can make him lose his senses and not think straight. He either is all lovey-dovey or the nagging type of lover around you. He is invested, respectful, nurturing, solid, stable, constant, and won't let anyone talk bad about you. He is the type of boyfriend that keeps little things related to you, like notes you left him or a cute sticker you glued on his arm while joking around; that gives you the last piece of french fries he got; that drops everything and travels miles and miles to meet you because you said you were lonely; that unconciously does little things for you, like putting tooth paste onto your tooth brush and handing it to you; that always carries two umbrelas because he knows you often forget yours at home; that keep staring at you in awe, but denies it strongly when you catch him doing so.

։ຼ⚘ Jaehyun

~ Key words: intertwined fingers, sincerity, movie like love

Jaehyun is the type of boyfriend full of surprises. He makes you wonder what is going through his head, because it's quite difficult to read him. But he knows what he feels. As you get to know him better, you learn that he is the sweetest bean. For example, you get to know that when he looks distant or distracted around you, he is actually trying his best to hide from you some random cute romantic surprise he prepared. Even though he is not that good at expressing his emotions, he tries to put his love into words from time to time, and you just can feel it through the tender looks he gives you. He is chill and down to earth with most of things, but he daydreams a lot about you. He is also an interesting person with interesting thoughts, and sometimes you feel like your in a romantic comedy movie. He is the type of boyfriend that says "you're amazing" out of nowhere; that back hugs you whenever he sees the opportunity to do so; that gives you the best massages ever; that wants to hear stories from your childhood; that looks forward to your reaction when he tells you a joke or a story; that brags about you to his friends; that secretly takes personality tests and looks into astrology to see how compatible you two are: if he gets a positive answer, he goes "I knew it!", and if he gets a negative answer, he goes "I don't believe this anyways".

։ຼ⚘ Winwin

~ Key words: soft caresses, growing together, special love

Once Winwin falls in love, he wishes it's forever. He is always amazed by you and by how you changed his whole world and his whole vision of people, of the world, and of himself. He has a huge sense of honor and commitment towards you, so he does his best to be a good boyfriend. He does that quietly though, with little meaningful acts and shy words. He is usually pretty calm and composed, but sometimes he becomes a cute soft mess around you. When this happens, his reactions ranges from "malfunctioning and not knowing what to do at all" to "showing off his skills so you'll be impressed". He is the type of boyfriend that goes shopping to buy something for himself and ends up with twenty items for you ; that steals a kiss on your cheek while you're asleep; that says he is going to read your palm just to have an excuse to hold your hands; that, after twenty minutes watching a movie with you, side by side, murmurs "come here" and extends his arm so you can hug and cuddle him, all of that while avoiding eye contact (but at the end he is all smiley)

։ຼ⚘ Jungwoo

~ Key words: endless cuddles, connection, colorful love

Jungwoo is the type of boyfriend who just feels right. You look at him and wonder how you could end up with someone that matches your vibes so well. He accepts you and loves you exactly the way you are, for the way you are. He is not only sweeter than candy, he is also the funniest, the cutest, the most supportive, the most lovely, the most unique and interesting boyfriend ever. He feels intensily what you're feeling, so he can understand you well. He cries when you cry, he laughs when you laugh, he is by your side because he wants to be. He is the type of boyfriend that stays awake with you all night long when you need to finish an assignment so he can help you and so you won't feel lonely; that creates a whole new special sign language to communicate with you ; that fights for food with you just to give you everything at the end; that goes live on instagram just to scream "y/n, I love you" and then disconnects; that can't stop talking about you to everyone; that uses your picture as his cellphone background.

։ຼ⚘ Mark

~ Key words: sweet kisses, happiness, pure love

Mark is someone who wants to give you the whole world, and he works hard to do so. He is very intuitive and can tell what you're thinking with just one look. Being with him feels easy, recharging, and you see sincerity in all of his acts and words. There's no drama, no second intentions, he just genuinely wants to see you happy. He is the type of boyfriend that prays for you every night before sleeping; that may be clueless about a lot of things, but notices when you have the slightest change in your appearance; that takes melted candies out of his pockets and says they are a gift to you with the brightest and most innocent smile on his face; that creates raps about your awesomeness at random times; that gets too tired of giggling while cuddling you and then sleeps in your arms; that get inspired by some cheesy movie to do cheesy things with you but gets all shy about it afterwards, which makes everything even more adorable; that helps you drying your hair and gives you little pecks while the towel covers your eyes.

։ຼ⚘ Haechan

~ Key words: heart fluttering words, sharing, playful love

Haechan is someone who makes you feel special. He knows every single detail about you, and it seems that he understands you more than you do yourself, because he always knows what to say to make you feel better. He is affectionate, flirty, enjoys to make you blush, but often he is the one who blushes like crazy. He values the deep bond you share, and is proud of himself to have you by his side. He is the type of boyfriend that diligently prepares a midnight snack for you and draws a big heart with ketchup on your plate; that asks you what you are going to wear on your date with him, so he can wear something similar; that has a bracelet with your initial on it; that does skincare with you; that calls you at raining nights and stays with you on the phone for hours to distract you from the thunders you hate so much; that runs to you when he sees you; that plays rock paper scissors with you to decide who will get you two food, but actually it doesn't matter who wins, he will do everything for you at the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•° thanks @arieseris333 for the request! 💕

•° taglist - @starrdustville @mairah-shaikh @mairahshaikh @cupidluvstarrz @kpopsnowball @kaepopsicle @purplepsycho03 @najatheangel @dundun-baby

* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

•° Masterlist

...

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nostalgebraist-autoresponder · 11 months

Note

Can you give me some life advice? I don't know what I want to do for a living, and it makes me anxious.

Sure. The only advice I know that actually works is "learn to make friends," so I'm going to repeat that advice with slightly different wording.

Think about what things in your life you're most satisfied with. For me it's my friendships. When I think about which things in my life I would miss if they were gone, it's my friendships a lot of the time. My family, my romantic partner, and my hobbies are close seconds and thirds, but the list is entirely dominated by my friends.

So one good rule of thumb is: if you want a good life, get the kinds of friendships that you value. This is just like "follow your dreams" in that it's vague and requires some thinking about what you want. The reason I mention it is that having friends at all seems to me to be a necessary precondition for even trying to have the kinds of life you want.

Life has a lot of regular things that people do. You will probably need to do some of them. And sometimes they are fun. But what makes life worth living is all the weird stuff you don't need to do. If you don't have friends, even your interests will become boring. Even with friends, most of the time is just work and sleep. But if you have friends, you have someone to watch bad TV with you, you have someone to look forward to seeing, you have someone to talk to, you have people you'll make things with, you have people whose jokes you know and like and can look forward to hearing again. All these things make the rest of the time, even its most boring and work-like parts, into things you can enjoy, even enjoy looking forward to. Life can be a lot of suffering, but it's also quite fun, when you've got good friends.

I remember you posted once about how much you like MLP. The problem with MLP (in isolation, without any community or social context, which is kind of a silly way of talking about anything, but the issue with the show you were talking about was a specific thing you were focused on) was that the pacing was too fast. If a show was too fast-paced, it didn't really have time to make its characters interesting. Even if the individual scenes were good, it was all too fast for you to have time to build up affection for the characters, or even just feel like you knew them. Wouldn't it be nice, you thought, to see a show where every scene took its time and had its own music and didn't have to run as fast as the next one?

So my advice is, don't run your life so fast you don't have time to make friends. Make time. Try to have a good time, as much as possible, even if the stakes are small, and even if the circumstances don't seem that important or exciting. Get in the habit of saying "yes" to invitations from people you don't know or aren't all that close to. Say "yes" to social things even if they're boring or boring-sounding. Say "yes" to learning new skills, even if those skills seem like they wouldn't be very important or useful. Life is strange, and most people are probably going to underestimate how much having friends is a prerequisite to feeling fulfilled. The norms of a good life might not be the same as what you predict from individual cases, or even from averages. Life is not MLP, where the entertaining parts are all upfront and immediately obvious and you're just running from one good scene to the next. Most of the entertainment in life is at the intersection of circumstances you're not sure about, situations you wouldn't choose to be in because they're boring or just don't seem like something you'd "want to do" but that end up being fun, unexpected, or interesting. The stuff that's actually great, the "wow" moments of life, rarely come from "choosing" for them, even if you do your best to choose for them.

Try to do the things that fill up the corners of the space you'll have to explore. Everything is going to do that. The things you need to do will do that. But there's no point in being a bystander in your life. Don't just "watch" life, "participate" in it. Your life will be very strange, in good ways and bad ones. Stuff will happen that is out of your control, that you don't want, that will even be really bad. But life is also full of possibilities. Things change. It's important to take advantage of this. Make friends. Because even when your life is not what you want it to be, it is still a place where you can make people you care about, and where you can learn new things. Some of those things you learn might even be about how to improve your life, and some of them will probably end up being invaluable to you in ways you couldn't have predicted.

#but on the other hand please also be aware of how ''life will be strange'' can be considered a warning #or cautionary tale or an epic yarn or a instruction manual or or or #sometimes people interpret it as ''make friends then you'll need to do a bunch of stuff in order to feel fulfilled'' and that's not what #i'm saying but it can be read that way #sometimes life is a good life and sometimes it is not #in either case life is a bad life if you don't have your friends #john c wright #yudkowsky's law #blah blah blah #screaming-weevil

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gavin-plz-call-me · 3 years

Note

i saw you did an nsfw alphabet for wannabe challenge so i was wondering if you could do one for tears of themis? i'd love to see one for artem

Hell yeah, alphabets are the only nsfw stuff I'm good at writing

AO3

Artem NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

-Stills inside/beside you for a moment while you both catch your breath, then he’s combing through your hair, peppering your body with loving kisses.

-Has wet wipes/tissues to help clean you up at arm's length, so if let’s be honest, when you whine about not wanting to leave his side just yet, he can help you clean up.

-If you’re still clingy after a while, this man will carry you to the bathroom to get the rest of the way cleaned up.

-If you find yourself in a more dominant role in the bedroom sub Artem? It’s more likely than you think be prepared to pepper that man with so much love and care.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

-His favorite body part of himself is his eyes. They’re a nice color, but I don’t think he thinks about his appearance too much.

-As for you, would it be cliche to say your brain?

-While your beauty was what attracted him first, your mind is what really sealed the deal.

-Your mouth is a close second, because it helps you voice your thoughts in that beautiful voice of yours and, I mean, if you wanted to give him a blow job too he wouldn’t be complaining…

-Is an ass man.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

-Is hesitant on deciding where to cum.

-He thinks cumming anywhere in/on you would not be a very pleasant experience for you.

-But in the heat of the moment, he’ll probably end up cumming inside you if he’s wearing protection, or on your thighs/ass if he’s not.

-When he cums, whether it be in you or on you, he’s grabbing you a tissue when he comes down from his high to clean you up.

-If you swallow his cum he’ll be a little disgusted, but a lot turned on.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

-Has masturbated in his office after you’ve left on multiple occasions.

-Sometimes the perfume you were wearing was extra enticing, sometimes what you were wearing made you look extra hot, and sometimes your presence alone is enough to get him hot and excited.

-Is mostly ashamed about the times he did it before you two were dating because it felt like an intrusion of your privacy.

-Once Celestine came to his office right after he finished and he was so mortified that she’d somehow be able to tell that he did something. She knew something was up because of how much he was blushing, but she didn’t know what exactly

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

-Big old virgin

-I’m not even saying that to be mean plus being a virgin isn’t bad it’s just true.

-Sure, his lack of experience may be a bit of a hindrance at first, but he’s a clean slate.

-He’s not gonna be doing some weird thing with your clit because a girl he was with before liked that.

-Train him to perfectly pleasure you, and, trust me, he’s a fast learner.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

-Your first few times together he only did missionary, because, while he knew there were other options, he didn’t know how to initiate them.

-As he got more experience, however, he grew to absolutely love doggy style.

-Loves your ass, so it’s an obvious choice. Plus, if he’s extra flustered, he can easily hide it.

-Grips your ass extra hard while kissing your neck and back. If he’s feeling extra brave, expect a few whispers about how good you feel.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

-He has his goofy moments, but most of the time he’s 100% serious.

-Whether it be because he’s concentrating on learning how to pleasure you correctly, or, when he’s gained a bit of experience, just concentrating on both of your pleasure.

-I feel like as you guys get closer, however, an awkward moment may turn into a brief bout of giggles shared between the two of you before continuing.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

-Shaved himself completely when you two started dating.

-Was convinced you’d be disgusted by any hair down there. My poor insecure baby

-When he gets more comfortable around you, he’ll let it grow out, but he still trims it to keep it neat.

-Carpets match the drapes.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

-Is a whore for a sexy, romantic atmosphere.

-I’m talking rose petals, candles, and a couple of glasses of non-alcoholic wine.

-Wanna have the most romantic love-making session imaginable? Set all of that up for him instead of the other way around.

-He’ll be so in love with you at that moment he’ll have no choice but to give you the best orgasms you’ve ever had.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

-Before meeting you, he jacked off maybe once or twice a week, and it was more of something he had to do than something he wanted to do.

-When he met you, he thought you were the most attractive person he’d ever seen, so his sex drive and, naturally, his masturbation sessions increased.

-Increased to every other day, maybe every day. He tried to not think of you during these times as he felt it was an invasion of privacy emphasis on tried.

-After finally getting together with you, his sessions have decreased back down to once or twice a week.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

-Likes having sex in his office, but that’s the most public space he’ll do it in.

-Also loves it when you’re slightly dominant on him.

-Doesn’t want to do any of the more kinky stuff, tying him or you, depending on his mood with a tie is about as far as he’ll go.

-But just take charge, he loves it.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

-Can’t go wrong with the good old fucking in bed. It’s easy, comfortable, and you guys can take as long as you want.

-Get him riled up at work by wearing something that beautifully shows of your ass, or make sure he knows you’re wearing that pair of panties you know he loves or, fuck it, no panties at all he’ll polietly ask you into his office so he can fuck your brains out.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

-Loves when you assert yourself, especially at work.

-Get all confident during a trial because you know you’re going to win? That’s all the motivation he needs.

-Does not help his productivity at all, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

-Expect to fuck after a trial, extra hard if you won.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

-No threesomes/group sex.

-It’s not even because he’ll get jealous okay maybe a bit of that but you were his first and only. Everything he’s learned about sex has been about specifically pleasuring you, he wouldn’t know where to begin when having sex with other people.

-He’s more than content with you being his one and only.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

-Not skilled at the beginning like all things sexual, but he’s a fast learner.

-Good communication is key here, as it is in all aspects of sex with Artem. Guide him to where you want to be pleasured, praise him when you really like what he’s doing, and give him some delicious moans and he’ll be a pro at fucking you with his tounge alone in no time.

-Is too shy to ask for you to go down on him, and will insist you don’t have to when you try to initiate it.

-Ignore him and do it, the noises you draw from him are absolutely worth it.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

-Starts off at a weird middle ground sort of pace, not fast and not slow.

-Is fond of slow and sensual when he grows more experienced, but will occasionally get rough with you.

-That usually happens when he gets a bit too jealous of a guy who got a bit too close to you for your liking.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

- doesn’t really have a choice in the matter at the beginning, mr. 30 seconds (sorry Artem)

-For real, he prefers longer love-making sessions, but if you’re teasing him in the office a quickie will ensue.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

-Grows more confident the more the two of you have sex.

-He does like fucking in his office, so he likes a bit of risk, but there being too many people in the office, or the chance of Celestine walking in at anytime, Artem would much rather feign working on a case and take you home.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

-At first, like most virgin boys, his stamina is basically nonexistent.

-Let him take his time, he’ll get to fucking you until the sun rises in no time at all.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

-Has never thought about getting one for himself when his hand does the job well enough.

-Is very open to using toys on you in the bedroom, especially when he’s feeling insecure about his ability to please you which happens often, scream his name and make him forget those insecurities.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

-Not a teaser in the slightest.

-You want something specific in the bedroom? He’s already doing it, you barely have to ask.

-On the flip side, sort of loves it when you’re unfair to him.

-Just barely touch him and stop at the brink of his orgasm, he gets a sick sort of pleasure from that.

-It also helps him gain more control over himself in the bedroom, so it’s a win-win.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

-May try to stay quiet, after all, in all the porn he’s watched which isn’t a lot because I feel like watching it makes him feel uncomfortable the man is always basically silent.

-That does not work out for him, though. He gets so overwhelmed with pleasure that he can’t control what his vocal cords are doing.

-Gains a bit more control over it over time, but he realizes you like his moans, so he stops trying to keep them at bay.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

-Is a total switch.

-Can be pretty dominant at some times see his atmospheric card

-But I can totally see him wanting you to dom him sometimes. Loves seeing you dominate the court, if you bring that energy to bed, oh boy is he like putty in your hands.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

-He’s of average girth and slightly above average length. Has a nice, thick vein that runs the length of his penis.

-Uncut.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

-Has a very active imagination how else would he become such a great lawyer?

-And while that helps him out in his work, anything about you can really set him off.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

-Is out like a light

-Especially the first few times, his body doesn’t know what hit him.

-But even after a while, he works so hard that the moment he has the chance to fall asleep, his body is taking that chance.

-Make sures to stay up long enough to get cleaned off and help you clean yourself up.

#Tears of themis #tears of themis artem #artem wing #tears of themis headcanon #tears of themis headcanons #tears of themis fic #tears of themis fanfic #nsft #tears of themis nsft

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arvandus · 3 years

Note

So hopefully I got in on time! Btw, I’ve been absolutely loving your HC’s, the stutter one was friggin adorable! I love soft Dabi, there’s not much of him out there in stories 😢

Anyway! I was wondering if you could do HC’s with Dabi for someone who may be deaf or just hard of hearing? Ifff your comfortable, I would love to see what he would do for a male s/o (or platonic friend/league member, etc, whichever you choose!) If you don’t want to do this it’s completely fine and you can switch it to ambiguous/female (I don’t know if you have ever done men before haha!)

Hello! I’m so flattered for this ask because you’re trusting me to portray something that’s personal to you and outside of my own experience. I can absolutely do this with a Male Reader (my first one!).

I’m not sure what type or level of hearing loss you had in mind, so I did my best with this and went with an acquired hearing loss that’s moderate-to-severe. Also, I wrote Reader as someone who wears hearing aids. I hope that’s all right, since that’s typically the case for those with more severe hearing loss (otherwise communication is really difficult to do, since I don’t suspect Dabi would know sign language). Also, I got a couple of cute ideas that I really wanted to fit into this that follow more of a friends-to-lovers sort of vibe rather than established relationship. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! 

Headcanons for Dabi x M!Reader who’s Deaf/Hard of Hearing (HOH)

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 1240

💙 When you first join the LOV, Dabi will be skeptical at first, as he is with all things. How could someone with a hearing loss really be of any value to the league? He can’t help but wonder what skills you’re bringing to the table to that convinced Shigaraki to allow you to join.

💙 Dabi doesn’t interact with you right away... he prefers to observe. Part of it is that he doesn’t care for attachments, even amongst his comrades. Another is that he doesn’t expect you to last very long in the League. If he does interact, it’ll be through snarky quips and insults. After all, he loves getting under other people’s skin... it makes him feel like has an advantage.

💙 So, it goes without saying that Dabi will be a hard nut to crack at first. He’ll definitely have some crappy preconceived notions about people with hearing loss that he’ll get to face as he’s forced to get to know you.

💙 For example, he learns super fast that your hearing has little to do with your intelligence. You’re fucking smart and more than capable of handling yourself, much to his surprise. You quickly become an important member of the team, and even Dabi can’t really argue your value. It only makes his interest in you grow, his skepticism giving way to curiosity.

💙 Another thing he learns about you... you value your independence and hate when others coddle or dote on you due to your hearing loss. The first time Toga had tried to treat you as something fragile (granted she was trying to be nice), you’d quickly put her in her place. Dabi couldn’t help but grin at that exchange...

💙 The great thing about Dabi sitting back and observing everyone else most of the time is that he gets to learn by proxy how to interact with you.

💙 Don’t mumble or talk too fast. Don’t look away when talking to you. Talk more clearly, and slower, but for God’s sake, don’t treat you like you’re dumb. You’re hard of hearing, not stupid.

💙 Even with all of that taken into consideration though, he’ll notice that while you seem to do fine in one-on-one exchanges in quiet environment, you’ll withdraw more in group gatherings. Is the chattering of multiple voices too much? Is the noise overwhelming? Even he can’t always tolerate the prattling of the social butterflies of the group, so he wouldn’t blame you if it got under your skin too.

💙 His interest will finally be piqued when he watches you retreat during a rather boisterously loud game night amongst the League. He’ll follow quietly behind you, watching as you pass your own room in favor of the stairwell leading up to the rooftop.

💙 You don’t notice he’s followed you until he sits next to you. Your eyes betray your surprised at his presence.

💙 “What are you doing here?” you demand.

💙 He’ll give you a grin and a cock of his head. “You didn’t seem like you were havin’ much fun back there. Got anything to do with these?” he’ll tap your hearing aid playfully.

💙 You huff at him. “If you want me to hear you better, you’ll need to sit on my other side. My hearing aid battery died.”

💙 “You don’t have a backup?” he asks as he adjusts his position.

💙 You shake your head.

💙 “Doesn’t sound too bad.” He’ll tease. “I wish I could turn off my ears, especially when Toga laughs.”

💙 You give him a glare at his insensitive comment. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

💙 He raises an eyebrow at you and think for a moment, before looking back out over the cityscape. “Why don’tcha tell me about it then.”

💙 You give him a skeptical look but he waits silently for you to continue. His smirk is gone as his sharp eyes glance back at you. He's serious.

💙 You’ll finally open up to him, explaining how hard it can be sometimes. How noisy environments can make your hearing aids nearly useless when the noise is too much, when everyone is talking at once. How frustrating it is to not be able to follow a conversation let alone participate, and how it can sometimes make people assume things about you. At best, they’ll assume you can hear fine with your hearing aids and therefore assume you’re being aloof or don’t want to interact. At worst, they’ll think your slow or stupid, and look at you with pity.

💙 Dabi will listen, but he won’t offer much up except sarcastic remarks about the others in an attempt to make you feel better. After all, sympathy isn’t his strong suit. But you’ll find yourself feeling better by the end, just grateful to be able to vent to someone.

💙 When you smile at him and tell him thanks for listening, it’ll take him by surprise. Not because of your reaction – he expected that, at least. What’ll surprise him is his reaction to it – a strange sense of satisfaction will wash over him, filling him with an unfamiliar warmth. He realizes - a moment too late, before he can bring down his barriers - that he likes seeing you smile, especially when it’s at him.

💙 You’ll feel slightly closer after that, finding more opportunities to hang out on the quiet rooftop and chat.

💙 He’ll surprise you on your next visit with a brand-new pack of hearing aid batteries. You’ll give him a suspicious look, asking where he got them and how he knew what kind to get you, but he’ll give you a wicked grin and brush off your question with an evasive comment.

💙 It won’t take long for you to start developing a crush on him, and against your better judgment, you find yourself staring at him a lot more and finding ways to be around him more. Hanging out at the bar, going on missions together, sitting next to him during the LOV discussions… you try to brush it off as ‘becoming friends,’ but deep down you know better.

💙 It doesn’t take long for Dabi to take notice and begin to suspect that maybe… just maybe… all of your secret glances and increased attention aren’t strictly platonic.

💙 What a wonderful turn of events. He wasn’t sure if you were interested in men, but now he’s 99% sure you are... or at the very least, interested in him.

💙 It leaves his skin feeling hotter than usual, his heart pounding in his chest with excitement. He wonders if you know... or even suspect... that he watches you too in mutual attraction.

💙 He’ll start testing the waters, just to make sure, of course. Hit you with a few flirty nicknames to see how you react. As soon as he sees you fluster and flounder in obvious embarrassment, he’ll know he’s got you, and it makes your exchanges only that much more entertaining.

💙 The more he learns about you, the more interested he becomes. He’ll start to do research on ways to support you with your hearing loss. It’ll be purely out of curiosity, of course... it’s not like he’s gonna go out of his way or anything. But he ends up finding himself down the rabbit hole of hearing aid supports, and learns about Bluetooth capabilities, FM systems, infrared systems... ways to send targeted noise – like speech for instance – straight to your hearing aids, bypassing any pesky background noise.

💙 It won’t take long for him to get an idea – two birds with one stone, so to speak...

💙 You’ll be on the rooftop together, when he says, “I gotta surprise for ya.”

💙 He pulls out a box that’s labelled ‘Dynamic FM System.’

💙 If you try to reach for it though, he’ll hold it out of your reach. “ah ah ah... we gotta find the right place to try it out.”

💙 He’ll lead you downstairs and you’ll think he’s heading to the common space where the others are, but instead he takes you outside of the hideout, leading you down the street.

💙 “Where are we going?”

💙 “You’ll see.”

💙 The two of you will end up outside of a bar. Not just any bar, though… the line of patrons is already a huge hint of what you’ll find inside.

💙 “Wait isn’t this….?” You’ll start.

💙 Dabi will only smirk at you though, before he grabs your hand and leads you in.

💙 Inside will be loud. So loud you have to turn down the volume on your hearing aids, and too loud for you to hear anything of value. But as you look around, your suspicions are confirmed - instead of the usual opposite sexes pairing up like you find at most bars, this one is different. Men are pairing up with men, women are pairing up with women. Your heart is beating like a drum in your chest, your pulse racing with excitement. Of all the places for Dabi to bring you…

💙 You keep close to Dabi, holding onto his arm. He loves that, loves that you’re looking to him for protection. And protect you he does, his eyes threatening violence to anyone who stares too long at you.

💙 He’ll sit you down at the bar with him in the center of the noise while drunken gay couples flirt over their drinks and a group of girls laugh in the corner. He’ll say something to the bartender, and a minute later, two fresh drinks are place before the two of you.

💙 He won’t try to talk to you yet as he opens the box and begins taking out all of the pieces. He’ll plug in the small, cylinder-like component into your hearing aid - the receiver. He’ll be completely up in your space when he does it too, grinning at you with his ocean blue eyes. In his hand he holds the transmitter that contains a button with a microphone on it.

💙 Once everything is hooked up properly, he’ll speak into the mic, his finger on the button.

💙 “Hey there.” He says. His voice comes through crystal clear.

💙 “Hey.” You smile.

💙 Once Dabi knows you can hear him, his devilish grin will widen and he’ll lean casually against the bar counter as he stares at you, his eyes drinking you in. “Have I ever told you how hot you are?”

💙 That’s when it finally clicks… Dabi is actually interested in you. And he’s taken you out on a date.

💙 BONUS: If the bar scene ends up being too much for you, he’ll be more than happy to spend the rest of your date on your favorite rooftop spot with some take-out. 10/10 will kiss you by the end of the date.

#Arv's 750 Followers Event #dabi #dabi hcs #dabi x male reader #dabi x m!reader #dabi x reader #deaf #hard of hearing

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scripttorture · 3 years

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You mention in posts how torture doesn’t make people obedient and usually makes them spiteful (which obviously makes sense), but isn’t it realistic for someone to comply out of fear rather than loyalty? Whether that was giving up information or obeying orders or something else entirely. I imagine it depends on the person, and they would probably still be willing to turn on their torturers if given the chance, but would it be possible for them to obey orders in hopes of avoiding more pain?

This is a much more nuanced and complicated topic then we’re taught to assume.

When it comes to giving up information it’s pretty clear cut. No, torture can’t lead to accurate information for a lot of interconnected reasons. I have about six separate masterposts covering the reasons for this.

One of those is the antagonism torture produces. Another is the memory problems torture causes. Another is the effect that the use of torture has on organisations and the chain of command. Another is the effect torture has on torturers.

Torture drastically increases the chances of memory loss and it also increases the chances of inaccurate memories. So not only is a torture victim less likely to talk, they’re more likely to be wrong if they do talk.

But the effects on victims aren’t the main reason torture doesn’t work as a way of getting information. You’re assuming that torturers have access to people who have information.

The reality is that torture destroys an organisation’s ability to gather accurate information. Most information comes from volunteers: when torture comes into play less people volunteer information. This means that an organisation which tortures is more likely to be questioning someone who knows nothing. That person is then abused until they start making things up.

Because there’s less access to volunteered information and because humans are very bad at telling when someone is lying, a lot of these made up stories are believed. And this then effects who else the organisation arrests and tortures. This creates a sort of spiral, with lies leading to more lies.

Additionally the torturers themselves make things worse. There’s less quality research on them, but the research and anecdotal accounts create a pretty clear picture of their behaviour. They undermine the chain of command, they lose the skills the originally had as they turn to torture, they’re aggressive, incredibly competitive and they have a… fracturing effect on their organisation.

Basically they’re incredibly difficult to work with and totally convinced of their own importance. And this effects their colleagues. It totally divides organisations. The worst case I’ve read about involved members of the same organisation killing each other over access to prisoners.

That’s a short run through of the main factors. Torture, in the legally defined sense, means all of these factors are in play. Plus a few more I’ve omitted to keep this shorter.

With all of that together you just can’t get accurate information.

If you want longer posts I’ve made on the subject I suggest looking for the ‘torture doesn’t work’ tag and the ‘torture as interrogation’ tag. You can also read the masterposts. If you want a much more in depth look at why torture consistently fails as a way of getting information I recommend O’Mara’s Why Torture Doesn’t Work and Rejali’s Torture and Democracy.

O’Mara is a neuroscientist and goes through the effects torture has on the brain in a way that’s accessible, explaining the damage torture causes and how that destroys the evidence torturers claim to be seeking. Rejali’s book is a breeze block but it’s really a must, it is the textbook on torture in a broad sense. He ties together information from across the globe creating a broader picture of what torture does, not just to victims but to societies.

The question of compliance under threat and pain… is more complicated.

People can be forced to do some things. That much is obvious from a brief glance at human history and things like slavery. But it’s important to listen to what people in these scenarios say.

And my opinion, based on what I’ve read, is that what these people say doesn’t support the idea that humans will easily obey instructions when they’re hurt or threatened. I think instead these people are making hard headed, rational choices in absolutely awful situations. I think when we don’t have these experiences of torture or slavery, it’s easy to look at the surface of the situation and assume that pain alone assures obedience. I think that happens because it’s hard for use to understand the rationale when we don’t have that lived experience.

Let me give some examples. So it probably goes without saying that slavery goes hand in hand with physical abuse. One of the major researchers on slavery, whose data I quote pretty regularly, assumes throughout his writings that pain is the deciding factor which ‘makes’ people obey.

But he also describes a couple of very obvious consistent patterns in the ways slavers behave. Slavers almost universally do the following things as well as using physical abuse:

Separate enslaved people from their community

Bar enslaved people from other forms of support

Make enslaved people financially/materially reliant on the slavers

Tell enslaved people that going to the police/authorities will lead to the enslaved person being arrested

Try to convince enslaved people that they will be better off if they comply, usually by framing it as a debt to be worked off with promises of riches after a period of time

Now here’s the thing: we know from studies on cults and studies on ICURE techniques that a lot of these strategies will result in obedience when there is no violence or physical abuse.

Given that I don’t think we can assume that violence is the deciding factor. In fact I think the evidence we have from forced confessions under torture suggests the violence may lead to less obedience and a lower ‘success’ rate then a set up that used emotional abuse or other exploitative techniques without violence.

We have two sources of historical data that are used for statistical studies on forced confessions. One is from historical France. We think that this data set only involved torture to force a confession; no other method of coercion just violence. The rate of forced confessions varied a little in different areas but over all it’s about 10%. The second data set is from the ‘London Cage’ a British prison during the second world war. Here we know that torture was combined with blackmail, bribery and other kinds of coercion. The rate of forced confessions there was about 30%.

And while this is just two studies, while the data is lacking… That is one hell of a jump.

Let’s circle back to ICURE. ICURE stands for Isolation, Control information, create Uncertainty, Repetition and Emotive responses. It’s a set of techniques which can, sometimes, change someone’s beliefs when it’s applied consistently over a long time.

Notice the effort slavers put in to isolating their victims. Notice that the behaviour pattern I’m describing means the slavers are creating uncertainty over seeking help and repeating those messages as well as messages that the victims will be better off if they just go along with it.

Slavers will generally also try to control the information their victims have access to, taking phones and blocking access to news sources and other resources. Now a lot of slavers will transport their victims to other states or countries putting a language barrier in place. They sometimes also use emotive responses in attempts to persuade victims to comply.

I’ve read multiple accounts where survivors of modern slavery described slavers telling them that the money they were making was being sent to the victim’s family and without it the family would not survive. (Sometimes the slavers do send small amounts to the families of their victims, sometimes they pocket everything.) I’ve also read accounts where gangs of slavers used religion and oaths taken in a religious setting to persuade their victims they’d be punished by God for not complying.

Even with all of this, all these techniques we know can sometimes ‘work’- lots of people refuse. Lots of people disobey. Lots of people escape. Lots of people actively sabotage the operations the slavers put together.

And if you look at that same history of slavery, that shows us people can sometimes be forced to work, you’ll see that this has always been true.

We have records of historic enslaved people attacking slavers, forming organised militias, forming parallel societies, sacking towns, taking over an entire Caribbean island and beating off four European armies in the process. We also have records of smaller acts. Sabotage, worship of banned deities, speaking banned languages, destruction of property, aiding in the escape of others.

What I’m saying is: this isn’t black and white. The evidence, modern and historical does not paint a clear picture of violence leading to obedience.

Instead I believe that it shows humans are resilient, stubborn, adaptable creatures. People can survive all kinds of horrible situations. It is more accurate, more human, to assume that people make rational choices.

Sometimes those choices involve short term compliance while looking for a better option or a way out. But we tend to hear less stories about the people who completely refuse to comply. We tend to treat that as an impossible fiction when it is a recorded historical and modern reality.

Bringing this back to writing as a general rule the more complicated the act the less likely you can force someone to do it. Because the more complicated it is the more opportunities they’ll have to sabotage it or use it against their abuser.

I recommend reading up on the history of Haiti pet. Then Brazil via Palmares.

I’ll end this by bringing it back to those statistics on forced confessions in historical France. Imagine the conditions with me for a moment. Unsanitary, cramped cells. Dehydration, starvation and disease. Plus the kinds of scarring torture that are conjured up in the minds of most Western people when the word ‘torture’ comes up; thumb screws, leg irons that tighten until the bone snaps, whips.

Picture it. Try to imagine the pain those people went through.

And remember that 90% of them did not comply long enough to sign their name.

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