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kooksbunnnn · 8 months

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Lost cause? 3: Who is it really that you're trying to fight?

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Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word count: approx 6.5k

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband, that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you.

Authors note: Hello everybody, thankyou for waiting so patiently, I have a long message so I will put it at the end of the chapter, here is chapter 3, I hope you like it. Enjoy! Hehe~

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"These sunflowers just look happier than the roses, don't you think?" you point at the various vases and bouquets as Jungkook holds your hand listening to your confused queries.

"But didn't you find the roses pretty the moment you walked in?" He teases you with faux confusion and you stomp your feet like a toddler. "I am not buying both of them, kook." You pull him by his hand and he chuckles.

You didn't want to buy both of them, they're ridiculously expensive and he won't even let you pay. You tried taking your clutch but he kinda snatched it and shoved it back in your luggage. Although your little playful squabble suddenly turned into a makeout session against the hotel wall, he still successfully hid your wallet.

"Fine, baby, whatever you want." He pecks your cheeks and pulls back, fixing your scarf around your neck. "I'll get the sunflowers wrapped, you go check the gift shop for that snow globe you saw earlier, okay?" You smile and mutter 'okay', happily walking towards the gift shop with your hands in your coat pockets.

You reach the gift shop and ask for the snow globe along with some fridge magnets and keychains for your friends as souvenirs. Jimin and Hobi love magnets, and it was specifically mentioned in the group texts you got the night before your flight.

'HAPPY HONEYMOONING, Y/N AND JUNGKOOK!! Bring souvenirs tho, tc♡'

You get all the stuff you want and turn around to look for your husband. He walks towards you with a smile on his face, Oh, that pretty face, the prettiest amongst the flower lanes.

You give him a big smile when he hands you the sunflower bouquet, and your eyes crinkle looking at the yellow flowers. Looking up at him you find him looking at you with hearts in his eyes. You giggle with pink cheeks and turn towards the counter with your face half hidden by the bouquet.

"How much is it for everything, ma'am?" He asks the cashier when someone comes from inside the flower store and hands Jungkook a bouquet of roses making your eyes widen.

"Jungkook!" You whisper-yell at your husband and he looks handing his card to the lady. "Yes, baby?" He asks with love filled in his voice, You tilt your head towards the red flowers and he follows your gaze moving his neck dramatically and exclaims, elongating his words,

"Ohhhhh, the roses?"

You raise an eyebrow biting your inner cheeks, a smile threatening to appear on your face at his cuteness. "I got them for me, You said you don't want them but you know, I loooove red roses, so I got them for myself. The red makes me feel pretty, you know?" He explains with comically wide eyes and a coy smile, shrugging with the red roses in his arms, and you can't help but laugh and hug him.

He pats your head and kisses your hair, chuckling. The lady hands hands him his card thanking him and gives him the items you both bought in a cloth bag with mountains painted over it.

Heading out of the shop you both hold hands while you walk towards your car. After keeping the stuff in the back seat and handing you both the bouquets, he opens the car door for you but before you get inside he stops you and turns you towards him.

"I love your laugh, you know? and I love it the most when you laugh because of me." He says with his gaze fixed on your scarf while covering it around your neck carefully. He boops your red nose and you playfully scrunch it making him chuckle.

"I love you, kook." You say leaning in to kiss him.

"I love you, too, baby." He smiles against your lips.

------end of flashback------

Your face has a sad smile as your gaze lingers on the newly replaced sunflowers in the vase on your kitchen counter. The memories of the warm winter you spent in Switzerland cuddling with your husband make your heart feel chill and cold. You sip on the herbal tea with bags under your eyes due to the many nights of crying.

You hear the couch in the lobby rustle and your gaze shifts to your sleeping husband. Yes, he slept on the couch not wanting to make you uncomfortable in any way but still being close to your room, since you felt very nauseous the night before.

Your mom asked him to sleep in the guest room but he preferred sleeping near your room in case you needed something.

It has been 4 days since you both decided to give your relationship a chance. Since then you have not talked much about anything other than the therapist's recommendations you got from Namjoon, Taehyung and their wives.

Jin was supposed to return in 2 days from his trip with his wife to her house, his brother-in-law getting engaged. You feel like a lot has happened in the last 5 months and you were so clueless, you felt guilty for not being there for everybody.

Apparently, Yoongi broke up with his girlfriend after 3 weeks of constant arguments. He seems okay, but you never know how a person actually feels from their face now, do you? You don't know what the arguments were about but you just hope he is fine.

Hobi's girlfriend just moved in with him, they wanted to hold a get-together but postponed it saying you were not well since you went to the hospital 2 months ago. Somehow you know that is not the reason. You would also prefer not making anyone awkward with all the tension that you've been going through, You suggested them doing it without you but they refused, stating they want everyone there.

Jungkook has been trying to be silently available and you can notice every one of his efforts, You feel your heart shatter every time you look at him but you try not to cry. You don't succeed.

This was the decision you made, your doctor and therapist both suggested you start couple therapy, soon. Are you ready? No. But would you run away from your problems? Nope.

You have your first combined session in 4 hours and you feel nauseous already. You haven't talked much to Jungkook in the past four days except for thanking him whenever he helps you with stuff like getting up, switching the fan on if you feel hot suddenly, helping you with covering yourself with the comforter, putting your feet in your slippers and many more things.

You both finally decided on a therapist that your doctor and Namjoon, both suggested.

You absolutely feared this, you have no idea what outcome is waiting for you on the other side of the journey you chose. But you have to try, for the baby. Finishing your coffee you straighten up and walk towards the sink.

Suddenly you hear three loud knocks on the door and the mug slips from your hand.

Hearing the mug hit the floor Jungkook jolts up and comes running towards you, "Hey, you okay?" He inquires holding your hands, speaking groggily, still sleepy. His eyes search you for any burns or injury.

"I am fine. It's okay." He hears you and it's like you both realize at the same moment that he has your hands in his, you both lift your heads at the same time. His eyes are swollen and red, with dark circles and slight stubble.

Your eyes lock and you feel a weird feeling in your stomach.

The knocks on the door intensifies while your mom came into the kitchen to take a bottle of water. Your dad and mom are supposed to visit your family doctor for your dad's regular checkup. He has been having fluctuating blood pressure and you feel like its because of you.

Jungkook opens the door and a grumbling Jimin walks in along with a sheepishly smiling Namjoon holding some paper bags. "Get your door bell checked, I rang it four fucking times- oh shit, g-good morning everyone." Both men stop in their tracks and bow awkwardly greeting you and your mother as she giggles greeting them backward.

"It's 10 am, Hyung. Why are you guys banging at the door so early?" Jungkook asks rubbing his left eye and you smile looking at their banter.

You missed this.

Namjoon comes around the kitchen island and gives you a side hug while Jimin and Jungkook just argue about how 10 a.m. is not very early for some people.

"I'll go get ready for your dad's appointment and then come make breakfast until then you kids have juice, I'll be out in 10 mins-" Your mom says while she pats your head but Namjoon interrupts her by telling her they brought some sandwiches you would love according to his wife.

You wanted to accompany your mother to the doctor's appointment but she insisted you focus on the day that awaits you, Her being the most honest person, she told you that today wouldn't be easy, it would be heart-wrenching. You would feel uneasy and maybe you might feel relief unexpectedly. Don't fight it. If the decision you both have made is something you both want to work on, don't fight your feelings.

"Oh! you brought the tomato and cheese sandwiches, yay!" You say a little too loud the whole room goes silent and you feel too aware of your voice, you gulp, chest deflating and the room getting bigger around you. Your eyes glisten slightly, which namjoon and jungkook notice immediately. Jungkook, notice the way you shrink physically, if that's even possible, after showing a little light on your face.

It's something inside you, that makes you want to withdraw from anything slightly happy. Guilt? Of smiling? You dont want to think about it.

"Yes!" Jimin says cheerfully and Namjoon joins him yelling for him to bring the sandwiches to the table. Your mom smiles at the yelling grown men while Jungkook just watches his hyungs trying to cheer you up. You walk up to the table and join them, lifting your head to look at Jungkook. You wanna tell him to join, but suddenly your face heats up and you can't talk.

He must feel your eyes on him coz he looks at you and your eyes widen when you make eye contact. You can hear the bickering of the two men in the background, You try to speak, and he looks at you with hopeful eyes. hopes that you talk, to make a conversation, anything.

"Jun-" you start

"Dude, the sandwiches are getting soggy, I already put the mustard, come and eat them," Jimin says and you sigh feeling weird again and you notice how Jungkook's eyes shut for a second before he looks away.

"I dont like mustard in sandwiches, hyung. Thanks." He starts to walk away towards the guest bathroom with a sigh and you panic. You dont know what happened but you suddenly blurt out, "My sandwich does not have any sauce."

He stops in his tracks and turns to look at you with wide eyes. Seeing him turn you look down immediately. "You can t-take this, I'll eat the one with mustard."

The room falls silent again and you feel like you could cry, you wanna run away. Thats what your brain tells you to do, you almost get up already thinking of an excuse to run away but then you see your plates being exchanged. "Thankyou." He mutters looking at you, more like, looking at your head facing the table.

You chose this, you need to be strong and have to at least start making full sentenced conversations. You need to make this work, for your baby. It's just not very easy to look at your husband and not think about it- you just don't want to think about it.

The breakfast ended with slight conversations between the guys. At least someone felt comfortable around each other, you, on the other hand? You felt like you made everyone around you awkward and the fact that you could've sensed their pity everytime they made eye contact with you made you want to bury your head in the ground.

You could hear the small talks and the hums they let out, it all settled in your brain, it even made sense but you couldn't move your mouth any more than chewing the sandwich on which you almost choked on due to trying to eat fast and get away.

The breakfast ended with the guys leaving after you excused yourself for the shower you planned 30 minutes later in your head, but still escaped the situation to breathe. Now that you see yourself in the bathroom mirror you watch how your chest rises and the tears burning the rims of your eyes. You didnt want to cry but you also know that crying helps you breathe these days.

You can clearly see how your decision is affecting you, you're miserable. Which is definitely not good for the baby's health.

Would you really be a good example of parents to your baby?

You can't decipher if it's because of the betrayal you feel, the guilt of missing him even though he cheated, the regret of regretting giving him another chance or just the fact that you feel guilty by feeling better around him?

You don't know how to give another chance, your past has been full of abandonment and ignorance towards you making heartbreak a bitter and sour feeling. Immediately forcing your heart to want to hate him.

The guy you loved, still love, are you in love? Of course you are, that's such a stupid question to ask, you love that guy to death. The main question that lingers in your head is, should you be in love with him? Is that correct?

Your doctor adviced you to keep your anxiousness at bay for the sake of the two lives you are now held responsible for. Your therapist advised you to respect the decision you have made but also respect your personal boundaries. Both of the professionals telling you to prioritize both of your mental peace, only then things would work.

The concept of mental health confuses you at this point. Is putting your mental peace as your priority staying away from him and feeling the panic take over you? Or sit around him feeling better for some time but worsen later since you owe this to your past self.

You feel yourself zoning in onto the flowing water from your tap in front of you. Your thoughts are disrupted as you hear your mom knocking on the bathroom door, quickly wipe your tears and taking deep breaths, a sad try to stabilize your voice.

"Y/N baby, I am heading out for the clinic okay?"

"Y-yea mom." You cringe as your voice breaks, silence filling the spaces on both side of the door.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" She says and you want to sob hugging her but you don't want to stress her more. You feel the pain in your throat, the knot making your vision blurry with every second passing by.

"Yea." You reply with a shaky voice expecting her to leave but then you hear her sniff. Your stomach clenches and you feel that you might vomit out the sandwiches from the morning.

"Love you, baby, take care." She says and you murmur the affectionate phrase back. Turning off the tap you hear her retreat to the door and the door closes with a thud. Your mind reels over so many thoughts and you just need some silence from all the noisy voices in your head telling you shit about yourself and your choices, him included. Your mind wants you to answer questions, about feelings and your family's future, the questions only you and your husband sitting and waiting for you in the lobby could solve.

Maybe you can get some help from the therapist you so dread to meet.

___

The ticking of the clock, the beating of your heart, every passing second is making your eyes blind towards the white wallpaper of the waiting room. You wait for your husband sitting on the couch, fiddling with the rings on your ring finger.

The room is decorated with plants and a lot of flower vases on every side table, and the reception desk is unattended since the lady who sweetly smiled at you went inside with a cup of something, you couldn't see clearly though, you guess it's for Dr. Shin.

Out of anxiety, you start fiddling with your rings. You still remember the day he proposed to you, promising you to never leave you alone and always be by your side, no matter what ups and downs.

You never knew the ups and downs would someday lead you to the thought of divorcing him. The ring he wed you with on your wedding day shines along with the promise ring making you force your eyes away.

The session hasn't even begun and you already are on the verge of crying.

The glass door slides open and you watch a middle-aged lady approach the L-shaped couch you were sitting on. She smiles and calls out your name along with his making your heart drop.

"Mr. and Mrs. Jeon?"

This stings but also gives you comfort. It's so fucked up.

You're scared. You don't know what's gonna happen after this session, are you afraid of being alone? You have this war going on inside you between morals and what your heart wants. You feel nauseous, however, you take a deep breath and get up.

When you enter the counsellor's office, it seems way more comfortable than you thought, it gives you more of an art studio vibe, with plants and canvases lying around, paints on a desk along with an almirah full of books and files.

You smile as your eyes meet Dr. Shin, and she smiles back. Her face radiates a professional persona but it is not the kind of personality that could make someone uneasy, it makes you feel safe somehow.

She sips on her coffee and keeps the mug on a coaster, clearing her throat. She was really pretty, sophisticated and she looked really smart. Her husband wouldn't cheat on her, would he? She seems perfect, unlike you with your baggy and red eyes.

Were you ever attractive?

"Would you like some water or tea?" She offers with a smile.

"Some water would be good, thank you." You say and she nods, calling her someone, probably the receptionist for the glass of water.

"Are you here just by yourself today?"

"No-no he should be here any minute, he must be in the traffic, I am so sorry." You frantically start searching your bag for your cellphone to call Jungkook.

"It's okay, we can start the session when he arrives."

"No, please, you don't have to do that, you must be really busy." You say looking at her with an apology on your face. Finally finding your phone, you check your messages and yes, he has texted you about being stuck in traffic.

"He is on his way, in traffic." You say to which she nods and mutters a 'It's okay'. She resumes sipping her coffee while noting down your details in her notes. While she scribbles your head can't help but think about certain scenarios as to why Jungkook is late.

You feel anxiety fill your nerves, you clench your fists tightly at the thought and shake your head slightly. You don't notice but Dr. Shin notices how you start to shake your leg, so she starts a conversation putting her notepad down.

"Do you paint, Mrs. Jeon?"

"Please, it's just Y/N and yes, sometimes." You say straightening your back, your baby belly very visible.

She opens her mouth to say something but gets interrupted by the receptionist knocking on the door. Dr. Shin lets her in and she informs her that Jungkook arrived, asking if she should send him in.

She nods and the receptionist leaves.

"You know the best thing about art is that when you understand it, you can fix a mistake in a painting as many times as you want. Being able to do good art doesn't mean you wouldn't make mistakes, but you could fix them at any time you want. The only thing that matters is do you still want the results you wanted before you started to paint or will the excess anxiety to finish the art piece make it worse?" She says and you feel confused, before you could ask if she meant what you think she meant, Jungkook enters.

He is wearing a black button-up tucked in his pants along with checkered trousers, a black blazer in his hand and his black hair slicked back. He had an important meeting today and you think he came directly from work. He looks good too and you hate that you feel that way.

"Good afternoon doctor, I am sorry I got late, I got stuck with a client and then the traffic, I am really sorry." He bows apologetically and quickly takes a seat beside you. You look at him and he mouths an 'I am sorry' with beads of sweat on his temples. You smile slightly and nod to tell him it's okay.

"It's okay Mr. Jeon, you're just 4 mins late." She chuckles and picks up her notepad and pen.

"Shall we start?" You both nod in unision.

"So, I wanna assure you that this is a safe space and the information told or discussed here would not be disclosed unless there are any legal or medical emergencies which we hope wouldn't happen. Okay?" You squeeze your fists shut, you don't even want to think of all that. You notice how his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps in nervousness.

"Shall we start?" She asks and you both nod in unison.

"Mr and Mrs Jeon, how long have you known each other?"

"6 years"

"6 years." Dr. shin nods at your answers.

"..and how did you two meet?"

"We met through mutual friends, Taehyung, his best friend, he was her roommate's boyfriend at that time." You explain.

"I wouldn't call that boyfriend." He whispers and you smile huffing a breath.

"Yeah, they were in a 'situationship'." You air-quote the word with one hand and smile, the other hand tracing the water ring, your glass is forming around it.

"They used to wanna hang out with someone because she had a strict aunt as a guardian. So we spent time at Taehyung's place, Y/N used to live with her too, at her aunt's place, for the last year of her graduation." He says, smiling slightly at the memories of you creating excuses for your friend.

"We could simply say, they ended their relationship soon after graduating, she started her Ph.D., moved out and we still remained friends." You point your thumb towards him and then you.

"After some months we started dating when he asked me out.." your eyes are still zoned in on the glass while Jungkook stares at your face.

Clearing your throat you give a small smile to the therapist and through a sniffle you speak again, "After 3 years of dating we finally decided to get married. We got married in his home town, Busan..."

You pause, your heart aching at the irony of you taking the vows in Busan, the same place where your husband spit on your 5 year-long relationship. You feel tears rising in your eyes but you blink them away, ears getting hotter by the second.

"..And then I broke my promises." He nods slowly, as if owning up to his acts, eyes glossy and his Adams apple bobbing trying not to cry.

You hear him say it and you feel nauseous. Yes, he did, and now you're sitting here in front of a therapist. Back to square one.

"Yes." you whisper without raising your head, nodding. A lone tear slipping through your eyes.

The only thing you could hear after you said this was Dr. Shin's pen scribbling something in her pad, the clock ticking and the aquarium motor producing bubbles.

There was an aquarium in the room?

You feel Jungkook's gaze on you, but you don't dare lift your head.

"Mr. And Mrs Jeon.." Your therapist keeps her pad down and looks at you, making you both lift your heads and pay attention to her. "..this is your first session, so I would only talk about things you are comfortable with, we'll take things according to the pace you both want, but if you want to make things work I would suggest you be honest and open with me, it might make you feel vulnerable and 'too exposed'." she emphasizes on her last words and continues, "It would be hard considering you both have a lot going on but trust me it would definitely be better than how it is now."

You both listen to her carefully, slightly nodding your head whenever she adds a question mark in her statements.

"Before I address the situation I would like to ask you if you are comfortable in continuing this relationship?" she asks and he nods but you feel hesitant. There it was, the question that you know the answer to but still feel weird to say out loud. Your husband cheated on you, you can't change that. You have a life growing inside you, yours and Jungkook's flesh and blood, you can't change that. You decided on never giving cheaters a chance but why do you want to now?

Do you think it would be good for the baby? Would it be good for him? For you? You love him, but what about the morals you promised you would never give up on? Would love be worthy enough to let go of the beliefs you have?

"Mrs. Jeon? It's okay if you're still a little skeptical, you can take your time-"

"No ma'am, I am sure. I wanna try again." You say it out loud, for your baby's sake, at least that's what you want to believe. Jungkook breathes a relieved sigh and you look at him at the same time he does. He raises his eyebrows hesitantly trying to ask if you are sure, you nod softly making him give you a grateful smile.

"Its good to know that both of you are on the same page. Now, I would like to hear what caused this distance.."

As you let it out of you, how the last 5 months changed the trajectory of your life, the 5 years of your relationship, the trust, the bond, love, your self-esteem, your and his moral values, both of your belief systems, the trust on each other, the trust on yourselves, the honesty, the loyalty all bruised up and on the ground. What were you fighting? Each other? Society?

Maybe it's you who you're fighting.

You told Dr. Shin how you have faced this many times in your life, She nodded and explained to you how certain incidents affect our brains and the way we think, changing the way we live, think and even breathe.

She explained how going through this would be tough for both of you, considering the pregnancy and the emotions you and your husband are feeling. She explained how your mind should be made up before going through with this because sometimes withdrawing from therapy or quitting in the middle of the process or sometimes going with it without a made-up mind might cause mental problems and since you were with a baby, you should be extra careful. You both try to assure her that you will make sure this goes well.

You cried looking away from him while you told the events that happened, he sobbed agreeing to them. He cried covering his face while cursing himself for what he did to your relationship and the happy family you both deserved. You both cried as she wrote and noted in her notepad. In the end, you reached out to hold his hand with tears running down your faces, admitting how you want to give your family a chance.

With red eyes and shaky footsteps, you both leave the office. You get in the car since you've been taking cabs ever since you started showing. The car feels oddly comforting, the same fragrance mixed with the leather seat cover smell, the car having water bottles on each side, just like a few months ago. He used to keep them in the car just in case you felt car sick like that road trip in the hills where you were nauseous the whole time.

The bottle beside you looked new since it was sealed so you couldn't help but think that he bought them today, maybe for you. You wanted to ask him but before you could say you felt the soup and the tofu stew you had in lunch come up your throat.

"Stop the car, Jungkoo- f-fuck stop the car. Pull over!"

Jungkook pulls over to the side and opens his side of the door to runs over to your side, he holds your hair up as you vomit your food and feelings out. You have been feeling uneasy ever since you left your apartment for the clinic.

'You might feel physical changes as well, Mrs Jeon. You may feel everything at extremes, mood swings, food cravings, agitation, maybe sexual desire, frustration, or morning sickness might hit you at any time, Basically the anxiety is not gonna help you with the hormones and staying away from your husband might also not do any good. So I would suggest you be strong and try to get through this.'

You remember Dr. Shin's words coughing as your throat feels sore, your stomach aching from the pressure you put in puking. When you're done, Jungkook opens up a bottle of water for you as you tilt your head towards the seat resting it there. He helps you drink and wash your face. Feeling better you look up at Jungkook who makes sure your breathing is better and even now.

"Jungkook..?"

"Hm?"

"Are those new bottles?"

"Huh? Ye-yeah. I bought them on the way to work this morning knowing you get car sick often and n-now...because of your nausea, I just wanted to be sure. There's more in the back, do you want? Wait-"

He takes a step back to walk to the back seat or the trunk you don't get to know where because you hold his wrist freezeing him in his steps. You notice how he tenses so you hesitantly let go of it.

"I-I'm sorry, I just, I don't need it right now I feel better." He nods when you look down retracting your hand, you smile slightly at him and turn back in your seat. He comes up and closes your door helping you pull your seatbelt so that you can plug it in yourself, not wanting to make you feel weird by getting close.

Sitting back in the car, you expect him to drive but he doesn't. Instead, he takes your hand slightly turning in his seat. He looks at you with glossy eyes making yours widen.

"Y/n, If I need to apologize my whole life and still you dont feel comfortable with me?.." he breathes shakily holding your hand tighter, its killing him to say this but he needs you to know this.

"You can still leave me, I don't deserve to be forgiven, I know. I betrayed you, I don't deserve you and her.." he almost sobs and you feel tears rise in your eyes as he mentions your daughter as well. Sometimes seeing how sure he is about a daughter makes you forget how you still don't know the gender and it's just both of your assumptions.

One hand in his and the other one on your tummy you listen to him, "You are giving me another chance to live Y/N, this means so much to me, by trying again and giving us a chance, you are giving me another life. You don't know how much it means to me, I-I am so grateful for having you in my life but.." he breathes sharply and his hands start to shake.

"You can still leave if you wish, I love you. I want you to be happy. He sniffs and you notice his nose getting red. "Being a normal human I would prefer it would be with me but.." he chuckles sadly tears falling down his cheeks, "I would let you go if you ever feel like you don't want this."

He knows that statement is risky, he might make you think that he is having second thoughts but when he sees your lips in a small ssmile he feel like you got the message.

You squeeze his hand and mutter, "I know kook, but we're gonna make it, for everybody in this car, you her and me." You chuckle as your tears fall as well.

Jungkook holds in a whimper sniffling and then he nods. You feel slightly lighter after today. Not completely okay but still a little better and hopeful. You are gonna get through this, you both are gonna be strong. Your child will be okay, he will be okay, your relationship and family will be okay.

Everything would be okay.

Reaching home, You take a shower wanting to clean the sweat and the slight vomit smell you have on you. You brush your teeth and head out to have dinner that your mom cooked. You told her that you would talk to her after your shower about the day you had.

You sit at the table and ask your parents how their appointment went, She tells you how your dad needs his medicines changed, of slightly lesser power and doze. You tell your dad to take care while he drinks his soup for better blood pressure. You all wait for Jungkook to join while having light conversations while you tell your dad a slightly less stressful version of the session.

Jungkook joins you on the table with wet hair, a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His body wash smell hits your nose comforting you just like you remember. You don't question your feelings, something was pulling you back but you still decide to find comfort in your husband's presence.

After Dinner, Jungkook decides that he will do the dishes and clean up, your dad goes to sleep after wishing you and your baby good night. Your mom discussed the session with you encouraging you to stay strong, making sure that you wanna go through this. You smile and assure her that this is your and his choice. You hug her goodnight when she finally decides to sleep after Jungkook refuses her help with the cleanup for the second time.

Sitting in the lobby as you watch him clean up the kitchen, like old times. Date nights with him were generally filled with laughter and kisses, cleaning and cooking, bickering over recipe ingredients and sometimes giving up and ordering takeouts. You smile at the memoriesthinking, would things ever be like they were? Would they be better or would they worsen?

Helping you get into your bed, Jungkook places two bottles of water, a coaster and a glass which was filled with water and covered with a lid. He plugs your phone into your charger, your AirPods next to it. He tells you to call him if you feel any type of uneasiness but still places a small bin if it gets too late to run to the washroom or call for him. You smile at his efforts, never wanting this feeling to end, the way you feel.

Comfort.

"Good night Y/N.", he says looking into your eyes, you can smell his body wash as he kneels in front of you, holding your hands gently. He tells you things like call me if you need something, again. But..

It's weird, you can't focus. Somehow the little circles his thumb creates on your palm are distracting you. Looking up at you he notices how you zoned out so he calls your name softly, flicking his wet hair.

Fuck, why are you feeling like this? You've seen him with wet hair so many times and why is hair still damp?!

Since you were first bullied in high school, you generally question your instincts and always do things rationally. But this time, you don't know why your hand unconsciously reaches his hair and cards through it. Call it muscle memory? but you both freeze when your hand rests on the back of his head, his wet locks in between your fingers.

Never breaking eye contact you do what you never thought you would in the past 4 months. Jungkook gasps with eyes wide as you just look at him like it's something you commonly do.

Did you just pull his hair?

He still looks at you confused and when you do it again with a tighter grip this time, he groans with his eyes shut. The sound he makes helps you realize what you just did and immediately withdraw your hand.

"Um..are you okay?" He asks, voice low and soft but with wide eyes.

"Yeah, just sleepy." You quickly say cover yourself with your duvet, lying down immediately, not too fast because it is physically not possible for you, but you still try hiding.

"O-okay. Good night." He awkwardly gets up and leaves the room switching off the lights. Closing the door just enough to let you have privacy, not locking it for emergency purposes. As soon as he leaves, you search for the reasons of why you might be feeling this way.

You type in the search bar, your friends who have had their babies sometimes mentioned about this but..

Search: Can you feel aroused during pregnancy?

Eyes wide you scoff at the results, gritting your teeth you feel frustrated. This is not how you should feel about him, you decided to try again but this is not right. Right?

Top result: It is a common symptom to feel sexually aroused in the late first trimester and the second trimester.

Another result: You might feel a little sexually heightened during your pregnancy.

Another click: You might feel your clitoris and labia are sensitive making you feel aroused which might be healthy too, so we would suggest you not miss this opportunity to have good orgasms-

You read on your phone with wide eyes and grit your teeth. Switching your phone off and throwing it to your bedside, you snuggle in under the covers, fists clenched. The touch of his damp hair still lingering on your hand and you stomp your feet under the duvet, irritated. Dr Shin was right. If you wanted to get through this, you need to be strong.

Very strong.

-------------------------------------------------------

Next chapter series masterlist main masterlist

taglist: @skzthinker @whoa-jo @aznstoner @aloverga@bids97 @slut4jeon @whipwhoops @bearr02 @jojowantstocry @jossabelle88 @prajusstuff @gloriouscollectionpainter @tatamicalreadyexists @bonsaithings

Authors note: Hey everyone, I hope you all liked the chapter🦋 I would like to apologize again, I am sorry for the late update, I was really held up between my internship and assignments, I really tried to write a good chapter and I really hope it was good and maybe worth the wait? 👉👈

Um, also, it has been one year since I started writting on this blog so, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY and a BIG THANKYOU ALONG WITH WARM AND TIGHT HUGS to all my readers who love my stories and give me the motivation to keep writing. I love you all so much🫶 Thank you for waiting so patiently, I will try and be better next time, hehe~

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apteryxparvus · 8 months

Note

hiii congrats on 100 followers! may i rq kaeya x reader angst. something like reader getting jealous of kaeya and rosaria drinking til late together

Thank you! Here's the request, hope you like it! 😊

Part of my ✨ 100 followers milestone event ✨ running from September 2nd to September 9th.

Pairing — Kaeya Alberich / Reader

Word count — 1,225

Content warning — angst • drinking • unrequited loved • mentions of smoking cigarettes

You can't help but feel a pang of jealousy, even thought you know it's wrong. After all, you are just his friend, his loyal confidant. You're merely the person he'd turn to for advice on wooing yet another Tinder date, and the one he'd dial up in the middle of the night whenever heartbreak soon follows.

And still, that persistent feeling lingers deep within you.

You're perched at a table inside Angel's Share, sipping a cocktail tasting of harsh alcohol and unresolved bitterness. Jean rests her head on your shoulder, letting out a tired yawn as she absentmindedly plays with her empty glass.

Lisa's voice, sultry and slightly tipsy, breaks the silence. "Another round on me," she purrs, swaying as she rises from her seat. She makes her way towards the bar, where Charles meticulously polishes glasses, weariness evident on his face. "And perhaps some shots," she adds playfully, her giggles trailing behind her as she approaches the counter.

"She sure has a penchant for drinking," Rosaria comments, her raised eyebrow conveying her amusement. She's siting beside Kaeya, directly across from you. She runs a hand through her choppy wine-colored hair, ruffling it. Despite having consumed twice as much alcohol as you, she remains composed, her sharp magenta eyes retaining their intimidating gaze.

You remain silent, an uncomfortable know forming in your stomach as you watch Kaeya and Rosaria lean in closer to each other. Their conversation is hushes, effortless. It upsets you, how natural they seem together.

Your feelings for Kaeya have been brewing ever since that rainy and windy evening four years ago. He had spotted you struggling with your broken umbrella as you exited the Favonius University library after a late-night study session. He offered to walk you to your metro stop, insisting it was his duty as a gentleman.

Of course, you were initially hesitant accepting help from a completely stranger, but you soon discovered you shared a web of mutual friends. Like Lisa, from your classical literature class, and Albedo, your shy roommate's biochemistry lab advisor.

From that point, your friendship blossomed — you'd go on barhopping adventures and various parties across the city, indulge in movie marathons (sometimes just the two of you, other times with his friend group, who quickly became your friends too).

Back in those university days, he would always share his lunch with you, despite his campus being quite a distance away from yours. It was a simple gesture, but to you, it spoke volumes about his thoughtfulness, and perhaps even, the bond you two shared.

And there would be moments when you couldn't help but believe your feelings were reciprocated. Like those nights when he'd snuggle in closer to you after a tiring day at work, claiming your place is conveniently closer to his job, and he didn't want to bother with the inconsistent late-night public transport. Or those times when, amidst the pulsing music and the swirling crowd inside the club, his gaze would always find yours, a playful smirk gracing his lips.

You often found yourself soaring in your imagination, your hopes like wings made of paper and dreams soon to be crushed. You'd believe you could almost reach out and touch the deepest part of his soul, but just like Icarus, you'd inevitably get burned by the reality.

A sudden snort and the clattering of glasses shatter your little daydream, snapping your attention back to the scene around you. Lisa playfully nudges a shot and a cocktail in your direction as she settles back besides Jean.

Kaeya and Rosaria each take a shot glass, clinking them, waiting for the rest of the table to join in.

You bite down the inside of your cheek, but silently grasp the glass and raise it. The little glasses clink in unison and the table cheers, but you remain quiet, unable to shake off the unspoked emotions that linger deep within you.

You down the shot, barely suppressing a grimace at the the strong juniper-flavored liquor.

"I'm going out for a quick smoke," you announce, rising from the table. Kaeya shoots you a concerned glance, but you respond with a polite smile.

Outside the dimly lit bar, you fumble with trembling hands to light up a cigarette. You inhale deeply, and savor the light head rush that accompanies the exhale. The wisps of smoke dance under the glow of the soft yellow lamps.

"Smoking is bad for your health," a gruff voice interrupts your solitude. You glance up, met with deep red eyes and fiery red hair tired in a high ponytal.

"Diluc," you greet the man. "I thought you weren't working tonight."

"I'm merely checking up on my establishment."

You nod, and the two of you fall into silence as you finish your cigarette.

"Is Kaeya inside?" Diluc asks as you extinguish the glowing end of your cigarette on the nearby trashcan.

You nod. "Yeah, he's in there, having drinks with Rosaria, Jean, and Lisa." Your voice quivers slightly when you mention Rosaria's name, and you hope Diluc doesn't catch your subtle slip. If he does, he doesn't acknowledge it.

"And you're not joining in on their antics tonight?"

"I am," you reply, "but I just felt like I needed to clear my head for a bit."

A silent understanding flickers in Diluc's eyes.

"Listen," he begins, "I know you have deep feelings for my brother. You must realize that he can be quite oblivious at times, and he might need a little nudge in the right direction."

You let out a dry laugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Diluc doesn't press further. Instead, he heads toward the bar's entrance, waiting patiently for you to follow. With a grateful nod, you join him.

Your friends have finished their drinks during the time you spent outside smoking, and Kaeya and Rosaria are nursing another round of alcoholic beverages. Rosaria seems unfazed as she downs her Death After Noon, while Kaeya squints at his remaning drink.

Lisa and Jean wave you over, and you notice they've already packed their belongings. It's clear they're ready to call it a night.

You have yet to finish your cocktail, so you insist that your two friends head home, promising them you'll text the moment you arrive home safely.

However, the drink refuses to go down, and becomes an uncomfortable lump in your throat, as you watch the friendly banter between Kaeya and Rosaria.

A surge of bitterness and jealousy rises within you as you watch Kaeya tenderly move a strand of hair from Rosaria's face. To mask the feeling, you down the remainder of your drink, trying to ignore the unpleasant taste of the beverage. You slam the empty glass on the table and stand you, swaying slightly.

"I think I'll head out. Goodnight. Enjoy the rest of your night," you mumble, voice strained.

Barely a few steps away from the bar, you feel the tears stream down your face. In an attempt to stifle your sobs, you retrieve another cigarette and light it up.

Walking down the cobbled street, a lone raindrop lands on your nose, and the wind begins to pick up. You hadn't brought an umbrella with you.

That night, you allow the heavy rainfall to drench you, letting it numb your other senses, providing a temporary solace from the turmoil in your heart.

Author's note: not exactly proofread, sorry 😋 will probably do that sometime over the week

Smoking is bad kids, I say as I discard yet another empty pack of cigarettes 🤡🤡

#genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you #genshin imagines #kaeya x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya x y/n #kaeya imagines #genshin angst #kaeya angst #request

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moonstruck-poet · 5 months

Text

For All Time

Pairing - Loki x fem!reader

Summary - the reader was Loki's bestfriend since childhood until teenage and he was in love with her but maybe they were just never meant to be.

Warnings - death

Requested by - @akshinayak I reaally hope it was good enough and tysm for the request!

They say breaking up with your partner hurts the most. That's not true, Loki thought to himself. They say falling out of love hurts the most. That's not true, he thought.

"What really hurt-" he whispered to himself and clenched his jaw. His crown of long, black horns feeling a lot burdensome. "-Is knowing that you would've had a chance, would've had a future together. But you didn't. All because of your own selfish reasons and insecurities".

He scoffed, leaning back onto his new throne, one that he ironically had no intentions of wanting and gripped the handle.

The frustration about himself melting away to make way for deep, agonizing pain and heartbreak as he caught onto a thread of your lifeline.

Loki's lips were tightly pressed together when he decided to watch over you, something that he had done last night itself. He couldn't help himself, seeing as your condition was deteriorating day by day.

With a deep sigh leaving his lungs, he closed his eyes, head leaning back against the throne as a certain memory drifted into focus. Putting everything else on hold.

"Fancy any one of them, do you?" Your playful voice asked when he looked at various pictures of princesses.

"Absolutely not," he slammed the last one on the table.

"Pity. I would've loved to see my best friend getting married".

Best Friend. He gritted his teeth, running a hand through the long locks and looking out of the window. That's all he would ever be. A best friend. Nothing more. Never.

Despite being able to sense emotions and read people well, the God of Mischief failed to recognise your feelings. He somehow never took notice of your lingering touches, of your constant staring and looking at him as though he had hung the stars."

Do you have anyone in your mind Loki?" You asked quietly and stood next to him. His emerald irises clashing against your golden-brown ones. "You can tell me, you know?"

You. Its always been you.

He wanted to scream it out loud, wanted to yell and make the whole world know the fact that it was you whom he had fallen for.

"There's no one," he answered abruptly and completely avoided your gaze, and in the meanwhile also not noticing the way your eyes seemed to dull.

He had loathed himself for every passing second after that incident. How different would life have been had he confessed his feelings right then?

He would still have to go through everything, but at least he could've had you right by his side. And that alone would've made all the difference in the world.

He swallowed the misery before regaining control and finally looking at you from high above. But in an instant his facade broke, face contorting in pain upon seeing your weak and frail body. A startling contrast to the strong and regal woman that you had once been.

"Oh my love," he whispered to himself, his eyes raking over every little change that had taken place in the short course of twenty four hours.

You had injured yourself, heavily. A group of oursiders had somehow managed to invade your territory, catching everyone off guard and naturally you had taken the lead.

Fighting alongside Lady Sif and your husband, Alvis.

Another painful wound struck his heart when he saw the said person entering your room, his face drowned in sorrow and desperation.

"How are you, my queen?" Alvis sat down next to her.. Next to his queen, Loki said in his mind.

"I am fine," you smiled back, your expression the epitome of exhaustion.

"Rest, yes?" He said and took her hands in his, caressing the skin. "I will be back soon enough, have to go through some work".

Loki watched as you barely managed to nod, he watched as your loving husband pressed a kiss on your forehead, something that he was supposed to do.

A harsh breath escaped his throat and he let go of the branch, his heart not being able to see its other half being in immense pain.

He had no rights, absolutely none to want himself to be in the place of your husband. He was selfish, arrogant, entitled, pessimistic whereas Alvis was the complete opposite.

You had found yourself a man who loved and worshipped you exactly the way you were supposed to be. He could've never been able to do that. You deserved someone so much better than him. Always.

"Would it be so bad, hmm?" You questioned softly, searching his eyes for an answer.

"I fail to understand what you are talking about," he muttered and looked anywhere but at you.

"I think you understand perfectly enough".

He didn't answer and walked away, because what else was he supposed to do?

"Is the idea how us getting merried so bad that you can't even look at me?" You asked, a small smile on your face.

"I did not say that".

"You surely implied that".

"I-" he cut himself off and turned to face you, his expression holding anger. "I do not wish to get married," he stated, his eyes glaring into yours but you were barely fazed.

"Okay," was all you could say and Loki immediately noticed the way your face changed drastically. You tried to offer him a smile, but for once he saw right through that.

"Okay," you repeated again, backing away from him, taking one step at a time which lead to a huge barrier between the two.

He merely watched you leave, rooted the spot. He probably didn't know it, but he had lost you at that moment. Not as friends no, you would always continue being friends. No one in the universe could possibly break one of the strongest bonds between two people.

"I love you," he whispered to the now empty room, falling down to his knees as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. "Always".

Loki let out a bitter laugh at the memories. Out of all the things he could've said, he uttered the most bitter lies.

He was a changed man now. He replayed all those moments in his head, being able to see all the chances that he had lost. Seeing just how hurt you had been from every selfish comment he had made.

What would he give to go back and change everything instantly.

It was unfathomable, the amount of love his entire being held for simply one person. Nobody ever came close, and never would. He may have been a narcissist, an arrogant liar, a tricking asshole.

But there was one thing that nobody else could do other than him. And that was to love you, adore you in such a way that a mere hiccup in your life caused him pain. To care for you like you held his lifeline in your rough, scarred, but soft hands. To want you in a way that nobody had done before.

Because that's how Loki has. If he loved someone, he loved them enough to terrify himself about the lengths he would go for, namely for the person's happiness.

He had done so countless of times for you, and unknown to him, you had cherished every single minute of those special occasions. Keeping them so close to your heart that they bloomed whenever you were happy and blocked your breathing when you were devastated.

He was lost in thought, but a sudden tug in his chest pulled him out. Loki frowned at the strange feeeling, his intuiton telling him something terrible had happened.

His breathing quickened as he gripped the branch, your branch, noticing the fading green light causing sweat to erupt on his forehead and neck.

"No, no no no," he chanted, feeling as though the world had collapsed upon seeing the scene in front of him. "No," he whispered, heart slowly but surely shattering.

He watched Alvis, tapping your cheek frantically and gently shaking your body as he yelled for the doctors to be brought. "Stay with me, my queen. The doctors are coming, please, stay with me!"

Sif was on your other side, holding one of your hand in hers, pressing the back to her lips. "I'm sorry," she whispered in between tears as her body shook.

Your face, Loki saw and swallowed. It was still as beautiful as ever. Those golden-brown eyes that made him catch his breath everytime he glanced your way, those sharp eyebrows arching whenever you narrowed your eyes playfully and that gorgeous smile that you presently held.

"I'm okay," you croaked out, "I'm alright".

The two people surrounding you simply cried harder at that, bowing their heads and pressing the back of your hand to their temple. Their way of paying respect to the bravest warrior they'd seen.

Loki's chest felt empty, as though his heart too was slowly dying, following his soulmate to the afterlife. Silent tears were flowing down his cheeks without a halt. There was only one thing he could think of to do now and he did just that.

Your eyes were half open, understanding that your end was nearing soon and you didn't have any regrets. You had lived a beautiful life inspite of the hardships.

But then a sudden warmth made you open your eyes completely for one last time. Your head tilted to see the rays of light gushing in through the open window, bathing your entire body in its glow.

You didn't fail to notice the green tint that was present and your heart skipped a beat, despite already being in a fragile state. "Loki," you whispered, your voice barely audible but the one who needed to hear it heard his name clearly.

And you took your final breath, a content smile on your face as your eyes closed.

His soul shattered next, everything suddenly feeling cold all of a sudden as he slumped back in his throne, breathing heavily and swallowing harshly.

"Rest easy, my love. I will love you, for all time, always," he said to the skies.

===============================

#loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x female reader #marvel fanfiction #loki fanfction #loki angst #loki x oc #loki x reader angst #loki laufeyson #loki odinson

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versadies · 2 years

Text

CHAPTER EIGHT || CONEY ISLAND

SYPNOSIS (of chapter). in which you try to move on from something you thought lasts forever.

SYPNOSIS (of series). breaking up with your first love was heartbreaking, but not as heartbreaking as getting invited to his wedding after years of not seeing him. that is, until things seem to be easier when you encounter a certain guest, who could end up being more than just a blooming friend to you.

CHARACTERS. kamisato ayato, diluc ragnvindr (w/ gn!reader)

CONTENT. angst/comfort, modern!au, ooc (?), breakup, lots of crying, reader makes themselves suffer a lot, self deprivation (?), mild swearing

PENPALS. @scaraslover @dawgimsohot @kazu-topia @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @luv3rxcha @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @zuyoo @nejibot @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotato @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @lumiinere @elychee @rion-s @denkineptune @franini @sophisticatedleslie @thedivinepriestress @smashsubs @httpmitsuya @bl6o6dy @cottonkendi @uchihaeirin (come visit this post / send an ask if you'd like to be tagged !)

WORD COUNT. 10k words

LINKS. EVERMORE MASTERLIST \ MAIN MASTERLIST \ EVERMORE SURVEY

POST-SCRIPT. super sorry for the delay on this chapter but here it is <333 ill try to start posting the next chapters once a week since my school is finally over, hope you enjoy the longest chapter of this series so far !! (ik i said i was done by the time the word count was 9.7k but i added some scenes and here we are)

PREVIOUS || NEXT

4 YEARS AGO, SPRING.

One of the things that came up on your mind back when Ayato was busy for two weeks before he broke up with you was the thought of him planning to break up with you.

It was subtle at first, the anxious thought waiting to come out in the open, and your doubts made sure to keep the key. That was when you kept convincing yourself that he’s just as busy as always and will come back as always.

Then a week had passed.

The padlock was cracking, on the urge to just explode, and a little stream of that anxious thought sneakily went through a crack and went to your mind, but your optimism overcame said thought and put it back to its place. That was when Ei and Miko reassured you that maybe he’s planning something good.

Then it happened.

The padlock is destroyed, the door is too wide and everything went out, leaving nothing but so many questions, so many wonders, so much sadness, so much pity, and so much pain.

You were left with nothing but questions, disbelief, and a broken heart.

It honestly felt as if Ayato took two weeks thinking if he wanted to break up with you or not, and he made his decision.

One of the things that you thought of as soon as Ayato walked away towards his car after the breakup was when was the first time you’ve seen such an emotionless face from the man you loved?

You’ve seen almost everything from your lover, the one who showed you his most lovable and clingy self, the one who showed you his mischievous and playful self, the one who showed you his anger and disappointment, and the one who showed you his exhausted and sleepy self.

But never have you seen the one who showed you his emotionless and blank self.

You see him smiling when you first saw him since the breakup, and deep down you knew it was nothing but fake. A mask that hides his true self.

It made you think he didn’t want your relationship to end too, if it weren’t for the fact that you knew long enough that he never had regrets on his decisions.

And so, a part of you had long given up on hope and optimism.

One of the things that changed majorly ever since the breakup was how you don’t often see most of your friends anymore in college for so many weeks.

Most of your friends are mutually friends with your ex, so the chances of encountering him is big. However, encountering your ex isn’t the main reason as to why you want to avoid them all–

It was the fact that you couldn’t face them with your current state.

Whether or not you’re a great liar, your friends will still see through it otherwise. The last thing you want is to ruin the mood with them thanks to your misery from Ayato. So you decided that it’s best to avoid them for now – with an excuse about how you just need some space and focus on your piled up projects despite already being finished with them.

In reality, you just needed space to go through a break-up that no one even knows about.

It was frustrating to go to different routes on your destination around the area for the sake of avoiding both your friends and ex – who’s already avoiding you to begin with – but you often told yourself it was worth the hassle.

There were times when you had the urge to come to your friends when you’d catch sight of them hanging out together, only to stop yourself from doing so because you thought they’re better off without your miserable self.

So you find yourself spending the rest of your days being alone, your mind clouded with worries and insecurities all because of the fact your ex didn’t want to tell you why he fell out of love. It’s obvious to some people that you’re going through something, be it because of the eyebags in your eyes, the way you solemnly space out in the open air instead of listening to the lectures, the way you walk around the university like a zombie, or even the fact that you’re always found alone.

It feels like you’ve lost something you had for a long time, and it hurts that you know you’ll never find it. How can you relearn how to live a life that he’s no longer in?

You sometimes find yourself making way more food that’s for more than one person until you realize you’re the only one in the dorm. You sometimes expect something to happen, as if someone has something in store for you, only to realize that Ayato will no longer throw pebbles at your window to take you out somewhere. You sometimes reach out for a warm hand to hold, only to feel nothing but the cold air and nothingness.

You found yourself studying way more than you should be.

You frequently open your notes and read them all whenever you have nothing to do in your class, memorize everything in your reviewers despite the fact that your tests are nowhere near, and even make a beeline towards your study to start studying yet another topic whenever you enter your dorm to the point where you often forgot to eat or do chores, something that puts you at a disadvantage since your roommate is away for emergencies the whole time throughout what you’re going through.

Eventually, music became your new lover.

You don’t usually bring your headphones to the university, solely because you’re always with your friends or your ex, giving you no reason to bring your music and listen to it in classes. Now that you have no one to talk to, you decided to bring it back and start listening to songs everyday, causing you to go deeper into your own little world.

Deep down, you knew both studying and music won’t keep your burdening thoughts away forever.

Lying down on your bed to sleep is one of the things you hate doing. The moment you put your weight on the soft mattress, all your thoughts flooded as if a dam broke, making you spend sleepless nights overthinking.

Why were you not enough? Was it because you don’t have a company like him? Or the fact that you couldn’t understand a single word that comes out of his lips about businesses? Or… Does he have someone else?

The thought hurts your heart. To tell the truth, you thought Ayato wouldn’t do such a thing, but you used to think he’d never break up with you as well, so what are the odds that he found someone, who’s possibly better than you?

You start to try and exhaust yourself more.

Everyday, you decide to walk towards the dormitory from the university through the longest routes instead of the shortest ones, ignoring the way your legs are aching so much from how long you’ve walked. It worked a couple of times much to your relief, so you continued doing such things. You’ve also tried to use sleeping pills every once in a while when sleep couldn’t catch you despite how exhausted your body is from how much you’ve been walking.

Unfortunately, walking too much led your muscles to ache a lot.

Since both Ayato and your friends always eat by the cafeteria during breaks, the university’s rooftop became your safe haven in the university. Not only does the area not contain many students, the cold temperature and peaceful atmosphere makes it all the more better for you. The most hassle thing about it is the amount of stairs you had to climb up, which was something you didn’t mind back then. However, since you started to drastically walk so much, your legs ache even more.

Hence how you now found yourself sitting by one of the benches in the rooftop, wincing in pain from your aching lower body as music continues to play through your headphones.

Why did you have to do this to yourself? You thought, massaging your legs in hopes of making the pain lessen.

Suddenly, you see a hand giving you an ice pack, causing you to flinch and notice a man standing in front of you.

He gestures to you to remove your headphones, a smile forms on his face when you reluctantly remove your headphones away and look at the man questioningly. You’ve seen him around the area every now and then, but never around other places in the university, is he a freshman in a different department perhaps?

“Take this ice pack, it’ll help you with your leg cramps.” He explains, gesturing to you to take the ice pack.

You look at both the man and at the ice pack, unsure if you should take any chances in getting an ice pack from a stranger.

He then proceeds to clarify himself in hopes of making you take the ice pack. “I visit the rooftop everyday before you and I couldn’t help but notice how you always look like you’re in pain from your legs. I uhm.. I thought that maybe it would be good if I gave you an ice pack from the infirmary the next time you came up.”

You look away from his eyes, still hesitating. It took you a minute to think about it before you gave in and grab the ice pack from the man.

“...Thanks.” You spoke quietly, applying the ice on your aching legs. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your name?”

You didn’t notice the way his eyes light up, delighted that he can possibly have a new friend.

“My name is Kaedehara Kazuha, and you?”

Since then, you no longer find yourself being alone.

You’ve started seeing more of that seemingly freshman everyday during break times, with him lending you things from the infirmary that could help your aching legs and talking about whatever goes on in his head.

Kazuha is polite and open-minded, something that made him quite likable. He prefers to go outside than stay indoors all day, hence why he likes to spend time around the outskirts of the campus and the rooftop.

You later found out that he loves to make haikus and even recited some to you. He also has a good understanding of music, something that the both of you first bonded about when you mentioned how you like to listen to music more these days. Overall, he’s a great guy to get along with.

The one thing that’s strange to you about Kazuha is how you’ve never once seen him around the campus besides the rooftop, even more so when he made you promise to not tell anyone about your encounters with him. You assumed that maybe it’s because he has a reputation that could affect you, or maybe his reason is something personal, so you didn’t see any reason why you shouldn’t oblige to his small request.

The two of you would mostly talk about things that aren’t related to your personal lives, so neither of you know each other’s past nor do any of you even know what you both do in your lives besides coming to the rooftop during break and your likes and dislikes. Yet despite that, it felt like you knew him for so long.

It’s safe to say that he felt the same.

You slowly stopped hurting yourself in the process. This time, you had an easier time falling asleep – though the overthinking is still there, but it’s better than what you went through back then. Although you still study, you made sure it wasn’t enough to make you forget to take care of yourself and your dorm.

Although there’s progress, it still didn’t stop you from avoiding the people you care about.

Thanks to Kazuha, you also decided to just go back to walking in your usual routes, but at a certain time that your friends nor Ayato wouldn’t be at, which is an hour or more before and after classes end.

When Kazuha heard of this, he was willing to offer to walk with you in the morning and at night, much to your relief and dismay.

“I don’t want you to go home late because of me. I’ll be fine, there’ll be guards patrolling around the routes and maybe some students too.” You spoke with a frown.

He didn’t fail to let his guard down, already making up his mind. “I insist. The dormitory is quite far and I wouldn’t know what to do if something were to happen to you.” He insists. “And besides, my dorm is actually near yours.”

His words didn’t exactly persuade you to let him go with you. “You’re not doing this out of courtesy, are you?”

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

You roll your eyes. You might as well accept his stubborn offer. “Alright, fine. But if you change your mind, you can tell me, alright?”

A victorious smile appears on his face. “Who said I’ll change my mind?”

And so began your strolls with Kazuha.

It didn’t hit you that the university at night is scary until you walked out of the campus, the skies were already dark and there wasn't a single student around the area. If it weren’t for Kazuha, you honestly would’ve thought about going back to the long routes the next day.

Thankfully, you felt safe with Kazuha, who somehow seems to reassure you with his company and the conversations between the two of you.

This went on for about a week, and slowly but surely, the both of you got closer.

The both of you started talking about your lives, all of which you’re comfortable talking about. Kazuha talked about how his family owns a business just like some of your friends, though unlike theirs, his business isn’t as big and famous. He expressed how he doesn’t mind taking his family’s business and wanted to try and do something to make the business back to its prosperous state like how it was back then in his grandfather’s time, something that made you respect him more.

In return, you talked about how you’re just a simple person with no business that your family owns and opened up about how you’re anxious of what the future has in store for you. You didn’t mention anything about your relationship with Ayato though, still unsure whether or not you’re ready to talk about it.

It wasn’t until you encountered Ayato nearby while you and Kazuha were on your way back to your dormitory, causing you to feel overwhelmed.

Fortunately, your ex lover didn’t seem to notice you, but it didn’t help you stop yourself from having the urge to cry right there, something that made your new friend worried and take you to a bench where Ayato wouldn’t be able to spot you both.

“It’s alright, ( Name ). Take deep breaths.” He spoke in a soft tone as you clutched your chest and tried to calm yourself as soon as you sat down. It suddenly hit you that no matter what you progress in taking care of yourself, the heartbreak is still there.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered as you covered your face to prevent him from seeing your pitiful state. “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to see me like this – I don’t want to bother you or anythin–”

“Shh, shhh. It’s alright. You don’t need to apologize for this.” Kazuha reassures you, sitting down next to you. “You’re not bothering me at all if anything. You don’t have to force yourself to tell me why you’re crying.”

“I.. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not a burden, friend.” He spoke with a comforting smile. “But you have a burden, and sometimes, burdens are too heavy for one to carry on their own. It won’t hurt to talk to someone who’s willing to take the burden with you.”

You look at the man to see if his face says otherwise and was doing it out of pity, only to see how genuine his sincere expression seems to be.

So for the first time, you gave in and talked to someone about it.

You talked about how your lover for countless years suddenly broke up with you for falling out of love with you and refused to tell you the reason, causing you to assume that the reason is terrible enough for him to be ashamed to say it. You also told him about your situation whereas you’re avoiding your friends for a while due to not being ready to face them after what happened to you and your ex.

By the time you finished, Kazuha was processing everything in deep thought.

“It’s understandable that you can’t bear to face your friends after what happened, you need space to process your unfortunate breakup. But your way of spending time with your space back then only ended up hurting you and your legs, so it’s a good thing you’re trying to feel better now.” He comments.

He then frowned. “However, it didn’t completely do anything to your heartbreak, did it?”

You shook your head slowly, shoulders now relaxed. “It didn’t..”

“No worries, what matters is that you’re trying to move on from him.” He reassures you, leaning back on the bench. “You don’t have to rush on moving on, and I’m sure that when you’re ready, your friends are willing to lend an ear and help you go through with it.”

You look at him. “How… How can I face him?”

“You don’t have to.” He spoke, crossing his arms. “If he refuses to tell you, that’s not your fault and not something you should force yourself to find out about. I’m sure that at some point, he’ll have no choice but to tell you as it is your right.”

You stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking of what to say.

“...Thank you for listening, Kazuha.”

“Anything I can to help a friend in need.” He replied, standing up from his seat. “Would you like to go back to your dorm now? I’m sure that he’s no longer around to see us.” He lends you his hand for you to grab.

You slowly grab his hand. “...Alright.”

By the time you get to bed at the same night, you thought about coming back to your dear friends after not interacting with them for weeks.

The first people you wanted to go to are Ei and Miko, who you’re sure misses you more than most of your friends in the group. When you told them about how you’ll be busy with your tasks, they were tempted to offer you help just so you would be able to hang out with them, only for you to reject them because you wanted the space you need to process your breakup.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss them.

For as long as you could remember, you’ve been friends with the two since childhood – way back then before Thoma even – it’s a wonder for most people how someone like you is considered the best friend of the two most mysterious and intimidating women in school.

Just thinking about them makes your heart’s longing grow stronger.

You hug your pillow closer to you, wishing that they’d come visit your dorm someday when you finally get yourself together.

It seems whoever heard you wanted the same thing, because the next day, you received a visitor.

Or visitors, rather.

As soon as you opened the door, you immediately saw Ei and Miko standing in front of you with a basket filled with items, taken back by surprise from their sudden visit.

“...Ei?... Miko…?” You called in confusion.

Without another word, Miko immediately wraps her arms around you, causing you to let out a yelp in surprise.

“This whole time… You didn’t need space to do your projects, did you?” She asks.

…

You blinked a few times, processing what your friend just said. How did they find out?... Did everyone find out already..?

You couldn’t find the words to speak, unsure if you want to push Miko away and lock yourself in your dorm, or hug her back and tell her and Ei how much you missed them.

You felt her pulling you closer to her. “You’re always dealing with everything on your own.. Were you planning to avoid everyone until that foolish brute tells everyone about your breakup?!”

Your heart sinks from the confirmation, thoughts of who else knows about the breakup swirl around your head as–

Suddenly, you felt Ei join in on the hug. “We missed you, ( Name ).” She told you, her gentle voice didn’t fail to soothe you as a mother’s comforting voice would to a crying child. “I… I overheard a conversation from Ayato’s father and mine about Ayato being… single, so we just had to come and check up on you. We’re sorry if we’re disturbing you–”

“I missed you too,” You confessed, hugging them back. “I… I don’t know how to tell you about it – i-it was just so sudden and I was taken back and–”

“It’s alright.” Miko reassures you. “We can’t imagine how alone you must’ve been – don’t deal with this on your own forever, you know you have us, we wouldn’t hesitate to drop our things and come to your aid.”

“Miko’s right, you’re not a burden to us as we aren’t to you. Even if we… Even if we can’t help you, we can cry with you and listen to your feelings.” Ei adds, unsure if her choice of words are okay for you. “But if you still need space, we understand and leave you alone–”

You shook your head, not wanting to let go of the hug you didn’t know you needed. “No, no. I… I think I already had enough space.” You slowly close your eyes shut. “I just need this hug right now.”

Those words were enough for them to stay on their ground, not wanting to let go of your hug either.

After so long, you finally felt the comfort and warmth of a loved one’s hug.

Since that fateful moment, music is nothing but the past.

Instead of walking around the campus alone with music being your company, you found yourself walking with Ei and Miko by your side, who are both happy to finally spend time with you after so many weeks.

Though, despite how you now have them, you still spend your breaks on the rooftop and continue walking back to the dorm at a late hour with Kazuha, who was delighted to hear the progress of your situation with your friends.

As much as you’re delighted as well, there was still more to deal with.

Specifically…. A certain man.

Thoma is another case in your situation.

A part of you couldn’t face the man who’s considered as both you and Ayato’s best friend, not when you knew he’d have a hard time dealing with you and your ex’s break up. Yet a part of you wanted to face your dearest friend who’s always there for you and not make you feel as alone as you were when Kazuha wasn’t around.

You just want everything to go back to the way it was.

But you knew everything will not be the same as it was.

You find yourself getting ready to visit Thoma’s cafe, wondering how your dear friend has been. Did anyone bully him again? Is he eating alright? Is his cafe business going smoothly as always? Your heart anticipates meeting him again, missing the comfort of his presence and the atmosphere of the cafe.

It only takes a few steps to cross the road and reach the cafe. A few more steps to open the door and go to Thoma. It only takes a few words to talk to your friend. A few more words to tell him you’re back and you’re ready to explain everything.

Yet, it felt so long and so much.

You felt hesitant, the feeling that crawled up on your spine the moment you decided to visit the place you’ve longed to come to but couldn't.

“Just take a few deep breaths and think nothing but how much you want to go there.” Kazuha told you the day before, fully supporting you on your decision to visit Thoma and the cafe. “If you hesitate for once, ignore it and just do it, or else you’ll never be completely ready for it.”

You took a few deep breaths and took a step forward, reaching out towards the knob of your door–

Only to stop when someone started knocking on your door.

Has your roommate come back already?

In confusion, you turned the doorknob and opened the door slowly, and the hesitation that crept on you was soon replaced by surprise.

“..Ayaka?” You called.

Ayaka smiles at you as she stands in front of your door. “...Hi, ( Name ). How have you been?” She asks.

You weren’t surprised that your ex’s sister is one of the few people who knows about your breakup with Ayato, but it hurts to know that he didn’t show up at your doorstep to get his things. Does he really not love you to the point where he doesn’t want to face you?

You smiled back, but it didn’t reach your eyes. “I’ve been… doing fine, I suppose… What brings you here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Her smile slightly drops, now avoiding your gaze. “I’m uh.. Here to pick up my brother's things.”

Suddenly the atmosphere became awkward.

You tried to keep your smile up, opening the door wide for her to come through. “Sure thing, I can take you to where most of his things are and help you out.”

She gives you a grateful smile, entering the dorm. “Thank you, I hope I’m not bothering you and your day.”

“Ah it’s fine, I wasn’t planning to do anything today.” You reassure her as you close the door and walk towards your bedroom. “If you don’t mind, could you wait here while I find his items in my bedroom? It’s not… tidy per say since I didn’t expect your visit.”

Ayaka nodded. “Of course, of course. Take your time as much as you need.”

You let out a small “thank you” before entering the room and close the door.

You let out a breath you didn't know you’ve been holding.

You glance around your room, and it doesn't hit you how chaotic it was. It didn’t look as if you’ve turned it upside down, but it’s certainly no longer as tidy and organized as before. Scratch that, your entire dorm wasn’t as tidy and organized as before thanks to how you used to not take care of both yourself and your place.

Let’s just get to work, I can clean everything up later and visit Thoma. You thought to yourself.

You started looking for items that belonged to Ayato, specifically his clothes, stationary items, pictures, his extra toothbrush, even the things that he gifted to you, and all have hit you with memories that your heart wanted to shut off ever since the breakup happened.

You felt sick by the time you finished.

When you placed all of his items together, you placed them inside a box that you grabbed under your bed, thinking that Ayaka will definitely need it from how many items Ayato brought to your dorm throughout the years of your relationship together.

By the time you opened the door, your eyes landed on Ayaka, who was standing in front of a certain picture that you forgot to put down from your wall.

“...Here are his items in my room.” You spoke, watching as the woman woke up from her daze and looked towards you with wide eyes.

“O-Oh, thank you, ( Name ).” She spoke, walking towards you and grabbed the box from your hands. “Are these the only items he has here?”

You shook your head, looking around the area. “I’m going to find some around here now, you can help me if you’d like.”

Ayaka nodded in response. “Allow me to help then.”

That was the last time the both of you talked.

It’s safe to say that it was awkward between you two throughout the whole thing.

Every time a minute passes, the awkwardness grows. You aren’t sure if it’s because of how the woman’s embarrassed of getting caught by you staring at the picture of you and Ayato, or if it’s because of how the both of you could no longer face each other after what happened with you and her brother.

Meanwhile, it’s a different case for Ayaka.

“Forgive me if I’m stepping over the line but I…” You stopped finding more of the items when you heard her starting to talk. “I lied about coming here just to pick my brother’s items.” She confessed.

You look around to face her, surprised by her words.

“I… I look up to you a lot just as how I look up to my brother, you see.” She explains, looking down at the ground. “I’ve never seen someone who could make my brother so happy, I really admired you for bringing out a side even my family didn’t see of Ayato. I honestly didn’t expect him to break up with you.”

There was a flash of sadness in her eyes, fiddling with her fingers. “When he did… I was worried for you. So when I heard from Thoma and a lot of people talking about how much they miss you and haven’t seen you around, I just.. I couldn’t help but want to check up on you. So I told Ayato I was willing to get his items from your place when I overheard him talking to one of the staff about it.”

Her words caused your eyes to widen. Is this why she came over with no box? Because she’s worried for you? And the others miss you?

“I-I’m sorry if it seems like I’m not minding my business and I have no right to lie to you!” She quickly bows in apology, reaching out towards the box to head her way out. “I can leave out from your sight if you want–”

Without a thought, you immediately stopped her from grabbing the box, not intending to let her leave. “...I don’t want our friendship to end just because of what happened to me and Ayato.” You spoke up, a pained smile forms on your face. “I… I’m touched that you really came all this way from where you are to check up on me, I really am.”

She turns around to face you in shock, and her shoulders start to shake.. “I… I don’t want our friendship to end either.” She breathed out with a relieved look, holding your hands together. “I wish you happiness and luck in your future from now on, ( Name ). Please don’t be sad for the rest of your life over someone like Ayato.”

You nodded, squeezing her hands a bit as an assurance. “..I will, thank you, Ayaka.”

You didn’t come over to Thoma’s cafe in the end.

Instead, you’ve spent the whole day catching up with Ayaka while grabbing every single item that belongs to Ayato. The woman is a pleasant company you like to admit.

To your surprise, the woman was accepted in your university and will start next year, causing you to congratulate her happily. You also took the opportunity to ask her about Thoma and the others, causing her to quickly explain how they all often talk about you, especially the blonde-haired man – who never once didn’t talk about him being concerned about you whenever he spends time with her, causing you to feel bad for avoiding them.

You felt even more bad when you heard of Ei and Miko.

Apparently, the two women started spending more time with your friends everyday to see if you decided to come around from your projects and always expressed how they wanted to visit your dormitory to help you out, only to stop themselves because they knew you needed space “to focus.”

Eventually, Ayaka had to leave before sundown, causing the both of you to share farewells before the women left with Ayato’s items and gifts he gave to you.

By the end of the day, you decided that you’re not ready to come to Thoma just yet.

Thinking of how Ayaka knew already about your breakup made you wonder if the blonde haired man knew about it as well, and you’re honestly worried that he wouldn’t talk to you anymore simply because of how Ayato doesn’t.

It’s a silly thought, you’d admit, knowing that Thoma would never do such a thing. But you no longer know what to expect anymore.

You’ve expressed your thoughts towards Ei and Miko about how you miss Thoma dearly, asking them how he’s been while you were gone, to which they reply with honesty and tell you how he misses you too.

Surely, with their words, you would start planning on visiting him and the cafe again, right…?

So what’s stopping you?

You aren’t sure. Perhaps it’s how you often overthink about how Thoma is completely fine without you and you didn’t want to ruin it for your feelings, or maybe it’s how you doubt and hesitate in coming over after avoiding him and the others for so long.

Throughout your internal struggle, your progress just… stops.

You stopped doing everything you want, all you do is go on auto-pilot and immediately head towards your bed as soon as you arrive at your dorm.

Somehow, everything is just tiring. To the point where you just want to cry all. It’s probably because now that you're back with your closest friends that it made you come back to thinking about Ayato, who you’re sure has long moved on from your relationship.

You didn’t realize how Ei, Miko, and Kazuha noticed your sudden change of demeanor, nor did you realize that when they said they’re gonna get something while you were spacing out by the window, they meant they’re gonna get a certain man who you’ve been longing to see.

You immediately catch his presence when he first enters the room, causing you to slowly turn around to face him.

“...Hey ( Name ).” Thoma spoke with a smile on his face. “How have you been?”

You stare at him in shock. Is this a dream of yours? Are you finally losing it?

You felt tears forming in your eyes again, your shoulders shaking from the overwhelming feeling of finally being able to see your best friend again.

You hid that fact by saying another reason. “He… He said he doesn’t love me anymore…” You sobbed, covering your face from Thoma, not wanting to let him see such a state from you. “He broke up with me and left me! A-And he keeps on ignoring me whenever I try to talk to him and I… I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me anymore and I don’t know how to face everyone else when Ayato and I are–”

You softly gasped once more when you felt Thoma’s arms wrapped around you into a comforting hug.

“I would never want to stop hanging out with you, ( Name ). You won’t lose me.” He said in a reassuring tone, rubbing your back (something that he often does whenever you hug the man). “It must’ve been rough for you to go through so much, I’m sorry for not coming up to you sooner.”

You slowly hug him back and close your eyes, sniffing as tears continue to come out. “I missed you, Thoma. I want to go to the cafe everyday like before but.. But I’m scared that I… I might see him again and breakdown and look like a fool in your cafe and–”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, don’t worry,” He spoke softly, “I can visit here everyday with your favorites. I’ll make sure you won’t see him if that’s what you want. Plus, the cafe’s trying out delivery now and I can just deliver it to you.”

Your heart warms from his thoughtful words, shoulders relaxed from his assurance. “...Thank you, Thoma.” You whispered, still hugging him with no intentions of letting go just yet.

“Anything for you, ( Name ).” He mumbles. At this moment, you could care less of the fact that he still hangs out with Ayato, not when he’s still the man you consider as your best friend. The only thing you prioritize the most right now is to continue being friends with him till the end of your life.

“Anything for you.”

And just so you realized, even when you no longer have the person who was by your side for so many years and feel as if a half of you is gone, you are still you.

With Thoma, Ei, Miko, and Kazuha, your progress slowly but surely continued. This time, you actually have hope that you can move on from Ayato and forget about him.

You eventually came back to talking to all of your friends in the end, and they’ve all welcomed you back with open arms.

“I really missed you, ( Name )!” Itto said as he hugs you. “You should’ve told us it would take this long – I would’ve offered to help you and your projects! You’d definitely be finished early if I was there to help!”

Sara scoffs from his words. “You don’t even know what their projects are about, you’d probably fall asleep throughout the whole thing.”

“Hey, that’s not true! I would never do that!”

You laughed, patting Itto’s back as you hugged him back. “I appreciate that Itto but what matters is that I’m done now.”

“( Name ), you should go with us to the upcoming school festival!” Yoimiya said.

Your eyes brighten at the mention of the event. “Oh, I’d be glad to join! Did they move it to an earlier date?”

“Yep, the student council decided to celebrate it by the end of spring.” Kokomi explains, joining in on the conversation. “We were planning to visit your dorm to invite you next week.”

“Yeah, we missed having you here!” Gorou adds.

Your heart warms from his words. “I missed you guys too.”

As you continue to spend time with everyone, you couldn’t help but think about talking to Kazuha about going with you and your friends to the festival, thinking that he’d get along well with everyone if he’s okay with it.

Unfortunately, your friend has other plans in mind.

You quickly noticed a change when you entered the rooftop, something that struck your curiosity that’ll turn to disbelief.

“I’m sorry, ( Name ).” Kazuha apologized, watching as you stare at him with dread upon hearing those words from him. “I… I don’t think we’ll be able to see each other anymore.”

…What?

Your heart sinks to your stomach. Was your situation… overwhelming him? “...Why?”

He gives you an apologetic look. “I’m afraid my stay here is long overdue. I’m requested by my family to come back to my home that’s unfortunately far away, so you won’t see me anytime soon.”

“We can just chat online.” You quickly spoke, gesturing to your phone. “I don’t mind if you won’t be studying in this university anymore if–”

You stopped talking when you saw him shaking his head.

“As much as I want to, there’s no other way for us to interact .”

Your shoulders slumps, saddened from the fact that your newfound friend, who is nothing but understandable and supportive, is going to go away and won’t come back. “...So this is it?”

“I’m just as sad as you are.” He commented softly. “If anything… You’re the only person I could talk to for a long time. I’m honored to be able to somewhat help you with your situation just as how you helped me with my loneliness.”

You then open your arms slightly wide, a gesture if you could hug the man.

It took a few seconds for him to nod in acceptance, and instantly wrap his arms around you as you hug him.

“...Thank you as well, Kazuha.” You spoke softly. He was cold, but it was oddly comforting. “I’m glad to have you when I was at my lowest point.”

“I wish you happiness, ( Name ).”

And I hope we meet again someday, if there even is one for us.

A FEW MONTHS LATER, SUMMER.

Hiiragi Chisato is a familiar name.

Her family is just as famous as Ayato’s, if not as famous as Ei’s and Miko’s, but unlike the rest, she isn’t a part of your friend group due to how she’s in a completely different department of the university that’s far from everyone’s.

You never expected her to come to your life like this.

It didn’t hit you just how perfect their relationship is until you see them often. They’re like prince charming with his true love and have a happily ever after, unlike you and Ayato. His parents would definitely accept her to the family given how her family owns a successful business, unlike you.

It’s honestly like Chisato is showing off that she now has Ayato from the way you kept seeing her in her own little world with him, giving each other affection or laughing along as if her lover’s ex isn’t a few meters away.

What’s worse is how you couldn’t bring yourself to hate her at all.

Just like her beauty, her kindness and thoughtfulness is just as sincere. Chisato helped you carry stacks of papers towards the professor’s office back then before she dated Ayato and even greeted you when she saw you while entering the student council room once. Ayato’s lucky to have a lovely woman such as Chisato as his new lover.

But that was it, you’re nothing but a stranger to her, and she to you.

The only thing you have in common is your love for Ayato, something that she isn’t aware of thanks to Thoma.

Often, you wonder what goes on in Ayato’s head.

How did he move on so quickly? Could you do the same as well and be just as happy as he seems to be now? Or… Did you take your relationship too seriously and he didn’t?

If Kazuha was here, he'd be sure to clear your thoughts off with his haikus and wise words.

You sigh heavily at the thought of your friend.

Maybe a walk to the newest restaurant near the dormitory wouldn’t hurt to try and push your thoughts away.

Until it started raining out of nowhere, that is.

Thankfully, you brought a compact umbrella with you given that the clouds looked cloudy today, so you see no reason to not continue to go to the restaurant. Though, you decided that going to the bus is better for you during these circumstances, hence how you find yourself standing by the bus stop waiting for the next bus to come.

It felt like an hour had passed. You sat on the bench in boredom, looking around the road to see if you’ll see the sight of a bus that can take you to your destination, only to see a small figure, a kid perhaps, walking his way towards the bus stop, causing you to slightly furrowed eyebrows from the fact that he doesn’t have any umbrella and how he looks strangely familiar.

“Ack, great, just great.” The boy – or man? You thought he was a kid until you heard his voice – mumbled under his breath as soon as he arrives to the bus stop. “Should’ve gotten that stupid umbrella before I left.”

Indeed he should’ve, given that he’s literally dripping wet from the rain pouring on him. Fortunately, the bus stop has a roof, but it didn’t do anything with his now wet clothes.

You look down at the bag you brought with you that had a hand towel, something you brought with you should you underestimate the distance of the restaurant and sweat from the walk. Should you give it to him…?

When you slowly look at the guy beside you, you realize just why he looked so familiar now that you have a closer look on him. You could recognize those eyes and purple hair anywhere!

“...Scaramouche?” You called, watching as Ei’s brother quickly looks at you with the same expression you have.

“....Shit.” He spoke aloud, taking you back by surprise from his cuss.

And so began your journey with the mysterious and strangely amusing Scaramouche, the brother of one of your best friends.

You offered your hand towel now that you know it’ll be returned, to which the man quickly took with a small “thanks” before trying to dry himself. You were delighted to hear that he’s actually going to the same destination out of curiosity for what the new restaurant has to offer, causing you to invite him to eat with you on the same table.

He agreed to your relief, but on the condition that you’ll be the one to pay much to your dismay, but agreed nonetheless. Better than eating alone miserably, you thought now that you considered the possibility of the place having lots of people and maybe having your ex around.

Despite the differences between the two of you, you’re surprised that you got along with him in a way that you and Kazuha did. Though unlike Kazuha, Scaramouche is far from nice and gentle, but not cruel really, especially when he instantly apologizes when he asks about your relationship with Ayato.

Perhaps it’s because of your kindness in lending him your hand towel that made him become less rude to you, or from the fact that you scolded him every time he shoots you a rude comment, but either way, you’re glad the man is tolerable to talk to.

Overall, it was.. An interesting experience.

By the time the bus drops you two off to your destination, you let Scaramouche share your umbrella together as you enter the place. You eventually find yourself sitting in an exquisite reservation room that Scaramouche reserved for himself beforehand, making you remember just how rich Ei’s family is.

Over the delicious foods that the restaurant made, you and the man bonded a lot, to the point where it seems as if you’re talking to an old friend catching up. You were grateful that you decided to go out, it surely made your almost overwhelming thoughts away at bay.

By the time the fun had ended, the both of you went towards the bus stop (you wanted to ask why he uses the bus stop unlike Ei, who has her own personal driver and all, but decided to keep your mouth shut about it) and waited for the next bus to arrive.

“Are you going to the after-finals in a few weeks?” He asks curiously, causing you to look at him in surprise.

“O-Oh, uh… I’m still not sure… I don’t know if I wanna go there.” You spoke with a light laugh.

Scaramouche didn’t look surprised. “It’s not because of… Him, is it?”

You looked away from his gaze, and that was enough for him as an answer. “You shouldn’t stop yourself from trying to have fun because of him. That donkey doesn’t even deserve to be thought about if he’s that shitty.” He commented.

“I know, I know. I just.. Can’t help it. I feel like I’d feel miserable and ruin everyone’s fun.” You replied with a soft sigh.

“And what will being miserable do? He’ll be like Dora and won't see how he’s making you suffer.” He inhales sharply when he realizes he sounded as if he was irritated. Well to be frank, he is irritated, just not towards you of course. “Personally? I wouldn’t let whatever that he did to you slide.”

Those words made you look at him.

“If anything, you should use this party as an opportunity to do something – make a change or whatever those live-laugh-love people would say. If you’re doing nothing and stay the same, nothing will happen.” He explains nonchalantly. “But if you really don’t wanna go to the party then be my guest–”

“When’s the party again?”

You didn’t know what on earth just happened, but whatever Scaramouche just told you, it hit you like a train.

He’s right, if I just continue to do the same thing with my progress, how can I change and move on? You thought.

You don’t usually attend the after-finals party that your batchmates throw since you spend time with Ayato in the cafe, so it’s technically your first time attending one.

You found yourself standing in front of the location that Scaramouche gave you, surprised to see how many people had attended the occasion.

There’s no doubt that your ex would be here too.

“( Name ), you made it!” Thoma says as he walks out from the front door with a smile on his face. “I was waiting for you! Come, come, the others are waiting for us.”

You let your best friend grab your hand and drag you to the party, smiling at the sight of him ranting about the party.

The party is honestly decent to say the least. People were around the place either playing games provided by the host, dancing to the music the DJ’s playing, having conversations with one another, and even drinking everything in one-go.

By the time you arrived in the kitchen, you were instantly swarmed by your friends.

“( Name ), what a pleasant surprise!”

“Do you want some drinks, ( Name )?”

“You’re just in time for my next eating competition with Yae!”

“Who told you I accepted the challenge?!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, trying to hug every single of your friends who came up towards you to greet you. “It’s nice to see you guys too.”

You’ve underestimated just how great the party is.

You find yourself having fun with everyone, with Miko, Kokomi, and Ei talking about the latest light novel they’ve been obsessing with you, with Itto dragging you to where the games are held and made you play with him and his gang, with Gorou and Sara playing board games against each other as everyone cheers them on, with Yoimiya letting you use sparklers and play with other people in the backyard and so much more.

There was not one thought about Ayato that came to you throughout the night.

Right now, you find yourself sitting by the counter taking a long rest, sipping a cup of juice as Scaramouche and Thoma sit next to you.

“I gotta say, Scaramouche, I really wanna thank you for convincing me to come here.” You confessed happily.

Scaramouche nods in acknowledgement. “It’s no problem. Take it as my payment for that hand towel you gave me.”

“How did you guys meet, if I may ask?” Thoma chimes in.

You stayed silent as soon as Scaramouche started talking to Thoma, your attention somewhere else than your two friends.

Not too far from where you are is Ayato, who was busy talking to his other friends with a drink in hand.

You held your breath when you saw how he noticed your gaze, exhaling when he instantly looked away and excused himself from his friends.

Isn’t this the best opportunity to confront him…?

You slowly put your empty drink on top of the counter when you see him heading outside of the house. “Excuse me for a moment, I’ll uh… Be back.” You said to Thoma and Scaramouche, who both stopped their conversation from your words.

“Where are you going?” Scaramouche asks, watching you stand up from your seat.

You hesitated for a moment. “I… I want to confront someone.”

The look on your face was enough for Thoma to know who you’re talking about. “...We’ll be here when you need us then.”

That was enough for you to immediately head out towards Ayato, who now realizes you’re following him.

“Ayato!” You called despite the loud music blaring in the background, watching as he passed through the crowded room trying to lose you.

“Ayato, please.” You call him as you try to follow him outside the house, desperate to finally make amends and understand him. “You still haven’t given me an explanation! Why can’t you do this one simple thing? Don’t I deserve to know why you left?”

“I’ve told you already, I’ve fallen out of love with you–”

“But why?”

“Isn’t it obvious already?” He snaps, stopping his tracks and turns around to look at you. The both of you are now outside, with everyone being too busy to notice the commotion. You couldn’t help but flinch at his attitude. Since when has he been this mad? “I have too much on my plate. You know how much the Yashiro Company depends on me, and I cannot let something such as you burden me–”

“What about Chisato?! The last time I checked–”

“This is different,” He interrupts. “You are different.”

You scoffed, furrowing your eyebrows at his words. “What does she have that I don’t? Is it the money? Her reputation? Her company?!”

He stays silent for a moment, and despite being with him for so many years, his expression right now is something you have never seen before.

“My love.”

Those words made the world stop.

His love…?

“...What do you mean?” You breathe out, watching as something flashes through his eyes when he realizes what he said. It must’ve been regret for confessing what he said.

“Unlike you,” He hesitates for a moment before letting out a sigh of defeat, “she has my love.”

It took a few minutes for you to process what he had just said, when it did, you felt like the whole world – your own world – was crashing down around you. Your heart ached in a million ways you’ve never felt before. Does this mean that all this time… All this time he didn’t–!

Ayato didn’t even let you speak, he continued talking more,

“For the past months ever since I’ve broken up with you, I have tolerated every single time you try to come up to me in the university and outside.” He explains. “I thought you’d stop when you get the hint that we’ll never get back together, but you just had to be this desperate for me to say it again and again.”

“Stop it.” You whispered, shrinking yourself as you held back a sob. Was everything meaningless? Did you really waste so many years with him for him to think it’s nothing?

He didn’t stop. “No, you stop this. This will be the last day you and I will talk to each other about this again. We’ve been officially over long ago and we’re nothing more than just friends–”

You just want everything to stop.

“You’ve gone too far for me to even consider you as a friend,” You snapped, lips trembling as you feel like you want to bury yourself down to the ground. “I can’t believe it took you this long to tell me the reason why you left me!”

You took a step forward towards the man, who was taken back by surprise from your sudden change of attitude. “From now on, this will be the last day I’ll ever talk to you or see you again.”

Just when he opens his mouth to speak up, you place your index finger against his chest. “Whether you like it or not, it no longer matters to me. You can tolerate it, right?” You asked.

You exhaled sharply, moving your finger away as you looked away from his gaze. “Even if… Even if I really didn’t have your love from the beginning like what you said.. You had mine.” You whispered in defeat. “But now? I think I’m done with you from how you keep on running away from this.”

You then turned out. “...I hope you’ll be happy with Hiiragi.” Because I’m not the happiness you needed.

As you walked away from the man, you never dared to look back.

You spent almost an hour in one of the bathrooms, trying to stop yourself from crying more as you keep washing the tears away in frustration. You’re done wasting your time crying over him, you’re done wondering what-ifs and why over him, you’re done thinking about him and everything about him–

You inhaled sharply, closing your eyes shut.

…I need a drink, you thought.

It took a long minute before you walked out of the door, causing everything around you to become louder, not that it mattered to you. You find yourself making a beeline towards the kitchen, spotting Thoma being at the same spot while Scaramouche is nowhere to be found as well as the seats – which were all taken by people who are participating in the musical chairs game by the backyard.

“Are you alright, ( Name )?” Thoma asks as you stand beside him by the kitchen with your eyes narrowed.

“I’m done with him.” You mumbled, glaring at where Ayato was. “I’m sick and tired of him.”

You didn’t notice how he grabs an alcoholic bottle before pouring it on a new cup until he nudges you. When you looked at him, you saw him handing the cup over to you as an offer.

“Care to drink with me and tell me about it then?”

Without hesitation, you grabbed the cup he poured and took a quick sip, unbothered by the burning sensation in your throat. “Gladly.”

Since that night, you have never cried.

By the time your senior year started, you’ve long moved on from Ayato (or so you thought). Sure, thinking about it still makes your heart sting, but you’re better than ever. You focused more on your studies, and love was pushed away to the back of your mind for the next few years.

But that doesn’t mean you’re alone.

You have your dear friends by your side. There wasn’t a single moment when you felt like you’re alone, not when Ei and Miko often visited your dorm to spend time or study together, not when you and Yoimiya started walking towards the university together when you two found out you go to your destination by walking, not when you spend time in the cafeteria with your group, and certainly not when you spend time in the cafe with Thoma after classes.

With them, you feel complete. But not completely moved on.

Not when you’re scared to take the first step to finding love again.

FOUR YEARS LATER, AUTUMN.

As everyone started to head their way outside from the venue once the joint bachelor party ended, you hesitated to stand up from your seat and leave as well.

You may not know it, but Diluc feels the same way.

“We had a good talk, Mr. Ragnvindr.” You spoke with a smile as you slowly got out of your seat. “I enjoyed our conversation a lot, I hope we’ll chat again like this the next time we meet.”

“Likewise, Mx. ( Last Name ).” He replies, giving you an acknowledged bow. “And please, Call me Diluc.”

Your eyes slightly widen, pleasantly surprised. “Oh? First name basis already?”

He instantly clears his throat, embarrassed. “Is… that fine with you? I could always call by your last name if you feel like we’re not on that–”

“It’s fine, no worries!” You quickly reassured him with a laugh. “You can call me by my first name as well in return.”

Diluc opens his mouth to say something else, but decides to nod from your words. “Very well. It’s nice talking to you, Mx. – I mean, ( Name ).”

You beamed. “It’s nice talking to you too, Diluc.”

And then you let go and walked away.

As soon as you walk side-by-side with Zhongli who’s busy talking to Tartaglia about businesses, you couldn’t help but mouth the bartender’s name once more, trying to be familiar with it.

You couldn’t help but think when was the last time you had a good conversation like this with someone, only to remember a certain white-haired man who you haven’t seen forever.

You hoped that just as you are now, Kazuha is alright somewhere out there.

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morkofday · 1 year

Photo

Pick Your Vice Versa Outfit ↳ Puen Pranon Edition

My Top 10 Puen Outfits for @stormyoceans [x] layout insp. [x]

+ bonus:

(some thoughts under the cut!)

am mostly writing these rambles for you monica, so i hope you’re looking over here. i was supposed to make this into a simple text post with a couple of screenshots but well, this happened instead. i hope you like it :’D

TOP 10 Puen Outifts explained:

10. Home Alone an all-black slacks and dress shirt + gray jacket -combo. i am obsessed with how puen looks in all-black here, especially when he takes the jacket off. he just looks So Good. i can almost ignore the pain and heartbreak. i can almost forget that talay is not there with him. tbh am questioning why he needs to wear something so sexy when he’s missing, yearning, longing, grieving, lamenting.

9. Kannes Film Festival suit a green-brown striped suit with a black shirt under it. out of all the suits puen wears during his time in the other universe, i like this one the most. i also like the one he wears to their first movie premiere (the gray gradient is cool) plus the magenta suit he wears to the wedding, but i do not like his white slacks. tbh in that wedding, talay outshines him so i had to leave that one out. this one however comes with the most fashionable friendgroup, a beautiful bf (in navy blue), and a chest pin i find fascinating. am so sad we see so little of it.

8. The Yellow Jacket a simple jeans + a sleeveless shirt -combo with a light yellow jeans jacket. from my favorite episode, from one of my favorite scenes. i love the soft yellow on puen and how it makes him light up. he absolutely beams when they’re filming the interview video and he gets to tell talay how much it means to him that they got to meet. the outfit also seems to make him extra playful and i love it. a big minus is that this outfit is the one puen wears when we last get to see joob.

7. All denim an all denim outfit with matching jeans and a jeans jacket + a one colored shirt under it. puen wearing denim on denim makes me go wild. every time i see this outfit i just drool a bit bc he looks so fine. what a man. i think he should wear all denim more often, mix it with all the shirts he owns, maybe get a couple of color variations; a faded blue, a darker blue, maybe an all-white one... the options are infinite.

6. The Green Shirt a simple dark green long sleeved shirt and dark jeans. nothing special really but i love how the shirt looks on puen. it shows off his body and arms, makes him look fashionable but super cozy. his hair looks darker and the outfit comes with a plant! also am just very fond of the “love confession” puen makes in this shirt and the satisfied smile he gives when talay ends up looking at him with his mouth open. i support my menace of a man in all of his chaotic life choices.

5. Moonchild a combination of black pants, a dark blue shirt, and a gradient black & white jeans jacket. the jacket here is truly a legend. i love it so much. but the outfit also works so well without the jacket, and i think that makes it even better?? two outfits in one! so handy. puen looks sinful in the plain blue shirt, and with the jacket on, just very cuddly. one hug is all i ask for, dear sir.

4. The Suspenders black slacks with a simple white dress shirt and suspenders. someone really said here, “we’re going to introduce puen in the first part of the first ep and leave the whole audience reeling” and got away with it. they really had to give puen the most glorious five minutes of his life and i think i am still somewhere in the ditch bc of it. this outfit has everything; it looks snazzy, his waist is snatched, hair is styled, tits are out. it comes with the smirk of a pleased cat and the fond look he gives to talay’s antics, truly the best thing ever.

3. First date dark jeans and a simple, v-necked red t-shirt. puen owns three variations of this same red shirt for all the big events of his own love life: the first date, falling in love in the glass house, and the big realization after the bucket hat. each shirt has different length sleeves: t-shirt, long, and sleeveless. my favorite is the first date outfit with a simple red t-shirt bc i get to see all of puen. there’s so much leg and the characteristic hand-on-cocked-waist -lean. i love the flirtiness. less is really more with this guy.

2. Reunion tastes sweet light blue jeans and a sleeveless, light gray-brown top. it’s really a tie between this sleeveless shirt and the orange one that comes later but am obsessed with this episode so. also i love, love, love the scene where they’re sitting on the stairs bc puen’s hair looks like that. he looks so cool and pretty and cute, and then makes me so sad bc am so soft for him. someone really decided to put all the comfort in this one man and then dress him like this and yeah, i really get it talay, i also would count every minute without him.

1. Drunken night out a dark blue button-up with black jeans. tbh the biggest reason i even wanted to make this list was this outfit bc how could you not mention it?? my absolute favorite outfit on puen hands down. the blue denim shirt! the skin tight jeans! the goofy smile and drunken stumble! the soft hair! gosh he looks so good but is also such a baby. i don’t want to talk about him sprawling on the stairs like that bc i have a reputation to keep. bonus points for the snacks bc puen gets to enjoy too little of those! and gosh don’t even get me started on those puppy eyes, my heart is melting.

Bonus: Homecoming pajamas a set of light blue-gray pajamas, didn’t include this one to the list itself bc pajamas don’t count as proper clothing right? but god, i never really thought about what puen wears when he sleeps so i remember just squealing when i saw him like this. he’s so soft! so baby!! idk how talay isn’t just instantly cuddling the heck out of him. he looks so huggable it makes my hands itch. and he’s so happy like this! i bet he never wants to change out of his pajamas again.

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saturninesstuff · 1 year

Text

What happens when a surten cadet gets caught with a surten captains little sister?

Ship : armin arlert x reader ackerman

Summary : armin gets involved with the younger lieutenant after meeting her a few months ago. But what makes this lieutenant different? Well she's the captains younger sister. Will they get caught?...

Warnings : NSFW. slightly smutty ig, all characters are 19+. Sn 4 AOT. Cussing, gore, all that jazz. Might be a series?.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been just after noon and armin was studying in the library when he heard someone walking his way, which was odd. He was sitting all the way in the back of the library by the corner tables hidden far away from public view. " Thought I might find you here. " Y/n giggled. Armin's eyes widened and a smile appeared on his face almost instantly " y/n! Hi, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you? ". Y/n shrugged sitting down next to armin and leand her head on his shoulder. Which wasn't out of the ordinary for her, she was good friends with armin, and when they weren't in public she was very clingy, like a lovesick puppy. Armin chalked it up to her being very friendly, not entirely convinced that she'd even consider anything other than a brother-like Friend, since her brother, levi ackerman, wasn't too affectionate. Armin smiled at her bored face as she stared at his book

"Armin?", "Mhm?", "You intrested in anyone here?". Oh no, had someone told her? He instantly thought that eren had ratted him out but decided to play dumb in hopes of saving some dignity. "Ehm..not particularly, are- are you?" He stared down at her with questioning eyes that hid a glint of nervousness. "Yeah actually". Oh. Ouch. Armin looked away from her before she looked up at him, "oh, that's uhm, nice?" He said, eyes darting around. "Yeah, sucks that he doesn't really like me though. And my brother would kill me for getting with a cadet." She rolled her eyes. A cadet? That's weird. "Uhm, who's 'he'?" Armin asked not really intrested in knowing who stole the attention of the woman he's been head over heels for, for months. "You." Y/n shrugged again. She'd always been a blunt person, no concern for others feelings or thoughts. She said what she thought and called it how she saw it. That's something Armin loved about her, she was a confident and strong person, much like her brother, who was much less nurturing than y/n. See y/n atleast had a motherly vibe to her, levi more of a stern father vibe. Y/n would always pep talk the cadets, always treating their wounds with the gentleness of a mother, and saving their asses out on the field. Armin couldn't process thoughts right now. He was stunned beyond words. Y/n looked up at him from his shoulder, seeing the light blush on his face made her laugh. And armin snapped out of his trance. "Me..? Y/n. Are you joking around..?" Armin asked in a saddened voice, "absolutely" y/n started, seeing the heartbreak in armins eyes she laughed again "not" she ended. Armin didn't know what to say or do. "You okay baby blue?". That was Armins special nickname only she called him, something intimate with alot of meaning behind it. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine, but y/n, who told you I didn't feel the same? I thought eren had ratted me out." Armin said, seemingly serious but playful tone present in his words. "You, you just said you weren't intrested in anyone you dunce" She slapped his arm giggling. "So. Does this mean I can kiss you now? I've waited monthssss" y/n groaned playfully at armin, dropping her head on the table and smirking at him. "I- yes, yeah- uhm.." Armin was a stuttering mess now, much to y/ns amusement.

Y/n turned herself to face armin completely, slinging her legs over his lap while staying on her own chair, leaning forward and connecting their lips, his lips were so soft. It started out as an innocent kiss, soft and tender. But y/n slowly started leaning in closer and getting greedy. Armin gripped at her knee and the side of the chair as she grabbed him by his collar, forcing him closer to her, what started out as just a press of their lips together was now a slowly heating make-out session. Armin whined into the kiss, whimpering, trying to pry y/n off, but failing miserably. He didn't want to stop, fuck no, he was worried someone would catch them. "Y/n-" kiss. "We're-" kiss. "Going to-" kiss. His words were muffled by her lips, no progress at all, "stop.." He whined again, softly grabbing her wrist that still had a grip on his collar. Y/n slowly pulled away. Leaving poor armin panting. "Whats the matter sweet boy." Y/, cood innocently. "What if someone walks in?" Armin said between heavy breaths. "Alright." Y/n smiled, standing up, armin watching her with curious eyes. She grabbed onto his wrist pulling him with her, into the library's supply room, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. "Think they'd catch us now?" Armin merely shook his head.

"Have any of you seen y/n?" Levi asked annoyed at your constant absence and sneaking away. "Think she's with armin in the library." Jean said shrugging, levi's face contorted into suspension. Why would she be hanging around with his cadets. His suspension was enough to make him march off to the library. Already planning a scolding for y/n. Reaching the library he walked in quietly. Stalking through it like a predator looking for it's prey. When he saw no sights of her he decided to look for you by hanji. Which Is where you usually were. He slowly made his way out the library, not as quietly now as he didn't see anyone around.

A small noise of surprise left armins lips, luckily muffled by your own as he heard someone walking out. Both now pulling away, panting again. "Y/n.." Armin whispered in a hushed tone, "they're gone." She whispered back. Sliding her hands to armins blazer. "We shouldn't-" Armin protested. "Then tell me to stop" y/n stared up at armin with amused eyes. Armins breathing only got shallower. Uniting armins blazer, she slid her hands over his chest pulling him closer, kissing him with more neediness this time. Pulling sweet whimpers from the boy, tangling her hands with his hair softly gripping it, armins hands made its way to the back of her neck and lower back, pulling her in closer. "Please.." He whined. "Hm?" Y/n hummed into the kiss. Only to be interrupted by someone running into the library. Y/n immediately covered armins mouth with her hand. Staring into his eyes. "Y/N IF YOUR IN HERE YOU BETTER GET OUT QUICKLY. LEVIS LOOKING FOR YOU-" hanji yelled. Running back out, not waiting for a reply. "Ugh" yn whined, pulling Armin into an embrace. "We'll continue this another time my love." Yn whispered to armin. "Does this mean..we're, dating?" Armin asked very confused with the current situation. "Duh" y/n flicked his forehead. Opening the door and starting to leave only to turn around and point down at armins crotch. "Oh, and sorry about that" She giggled. Armin looked confused for a second, looking down, and immediately tying his blazer. Blushing like crazy at the embarrassing hard on he had.

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Note : YEAH SO. uhm. Idfk. Part two?? Anyone?? Idk. This is my first time writing any fanfic. And I had no idea where to go with the plot in one "part" so like yeah if we want a part two das possible. Hit my line for any suggestions or requests I take em all.

#fanfic #fiction #aot smut #armin x you #levi ackerman #attack on titan #armin smut #reader insert #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #jean krischtein #armin arlet smut #armin x reader smut

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casinotrio1965 · 6 months

Text

Western Disney AU: At the Stables by friend Levi

Being in the Wild West only meant adventure, or that's what someone would assume. Gunslingers and all sorts, but not in this little town. The folk there were far too friendly, though that never stopped chaos from brewing.

The sun peeked in through the windows and onto Lampwick's drooling face, snoring away without worries. Suddenly, a little girl barged in with an irritated expression. He was supposed to get up earlier to help his sister with the chores while their mother was busy. Unfortunately, he had no plans of getting up any time soon.

"Hey! Lampwick!" she yelled.

He jolted awake and looked around in alarm.

"Huh..? Is there school today?" he'd yawn.

"No, you big oaf! You were meant to be getting the groceries by now!"

He'd scratch his head before snapping his fingers.

"My bad! I totally forgot!"

Rushing to get dressed, he ran around to get some bread for his breakfast and a basket to place all the shopping. Before anyone could complain, he was already out the door. On his way to town, he recognised some familiar faces that were already up and about. The townsfolk tended to their business in the distance, but he easily got sidetracked, changing course to stop by the horses at the stable nearby. He couldn’t resist the urge to bother them.

Waiting for him on his path was a pretty girl from the native tribe that they often did trades with. She glanced around as she kicked a pebble, huffing impatiently as if she was waiting for someone. He was surprised she was wandering about like this, but was pleased to see her.

"Tigerlily! Great day for mischief, right?" he called out with a snicker.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head with a giggle.

"You on your way to bother the horses again? One of these days they're gonna knock you out!" she exclaimed back.

He approached her, grinning as he usually does.

"What're you doing around here? Did ya miss me or something?"

Her cheeks turned slightly pink at the comment, rolling her eyes despite the fact he was right. But she wasn't going to admit that. He'd tease her for the rest of her life.

“In your dreams!” she’d scoff. “I’m only here to wait for Peter and then I’m going to pick up a few things for my dad. The usual checkup on our trades and stuff.”

He cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms with a playful chuckle.

“How heartbreaking. Thought you actually wanted to see me.”

“If you keep saying that, I’ll assume that you’re the one who’s seeking me out.”

He’d raise his hands to surrender, running out of retorts to throw her way.

“Fine fine. I’ll stop teasing ya.”

The pair shared a familiar warm smile with each other. They had been friends for a while, when Lampwick’s mother, Carina, would visit the friends she had made as a saloon girl in the past. The two troublemakers would often mess around and crack jokes, often bothering the adults around them with their antics.

“Anyways, where is Peter? Doesn’t he come to look at the stables around this time?” Lampwick inquired.

“He asked me to get him a wooden practice gun, and I was hoping to see him to discuss more details about it. But I’m getting bored sticking around here”, Tigerlily would sigh before the auburn haired boy nudges her.

“Let’s go have some fun! We can put our duties on hold for a little bit. Nobody will know!”

“Hmmm… I don’t know… You said that last time and my dad ended up lecturing me for an entire hour once I got back home.”

“Come on! We can get groceries for me and do your trade stuff while we roam around. I’ve been itching to do something entertaining”, he grinned, which was enough to sway her into playing along with his plan.

“Alright, you’ve got me convinced. What type of shenanigans did you have in mind?”

He’d wrap his arm around Tigerlily, making her heart skip a beat from the sudden closeness. Of course, he was too oblivious to notice how flustered she was, and she was rather good at pretending she wasn’t.

He started dragging her to the stable of one of the most ferocious horses… Tinkerbell. She was infamous for her stubbornness, driving away any potential buyers. Despite that, it was said this Arabian mare could run so fast it was like she could fly, much like a fairy. Though she had often thrown her riders off her back whenever she was irritated, making her rather dangerous. Tigerlily’s eyes widened in disbelief and looked at him with a mix of concern and intrigue.

“Isn’t this that horse that Peter wanted to get for himself?” she asked.

“It is in fact that horse. I’ve no interest in getting one as you already know. But… We can have a bit of a bet while nobody is looking.”

“What sort of bet?”

He’d check the area and his surroundings, to ensure they won’t be caught. He knew he’d get grounded if his mother found out about this. In the corner was a block of hay to feed the horses, and he hastily took two handfuls of it before placing some in Tigerlily’s hand.

“I bet Tinkerbell will accept my hay!” he exclaimed.

She smirked at his cockiness and held her head high.

“I see how it is. Well, I bet she’ll accept mine first!”

“Oh really? Then how about this. Loser has to eat hay like a horse.”

“You’re on!”

The two fist bumped to solidify this deal before turning back to the uninterested mare. Lampwick fearlessly stepped forward with a confident beaming smile and shoved the clump of dried grass towards her snout. Tinkerbell snorted and sniffed him, but she didn’t dare take a bite. It’s as if she knew he was up to no good. She simply turned her back on him, swishing her tail around almost sassily.

“Doesn’t look like your smile charmed her at all”, Tigerlily teased.

That simple statement was enough to fuel his competitive behaviour. He stuck his hand into her stable, trying desperately to get her attention.

“Hello!? C’mon, Tinkerbell! Don’t be like this! I don’t wanna eat this straw!” he begged.

All the ruckus aggravated her, causing her to neigh loudly which alarmed them. She spun around and snapped at Lampwick, causing him to yelp and fall onto his behind. He groaned in pain as his companion howled with laughter.

“Haha very funny”, he scowled.

Feeling gratified, what worry Tigerlily had washed away. She calmly and carefully presented the hay to an upset Tinkerbell, awaiting what she’d do. At first, the mare was sceptical, glaring at the petite native girl. But she sensed her sincerity, and she was rather peckish. She slowly extended her neck and took a nibble of the hay, then she turned her back to them again. Lampwick’s mouth went agape, unable to process the fact he just lost.

“What!? How!?”

Tigerlily cackled and clapped in amusement. She dumped the hay onto his lap and crossed her arms.

“Eat up. You must be hungry.”

He grimaced, reluctantly picking up a strand and let it hover in front of his lips. He closed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, shoving it in his mouth and swallowing as fast as he could. The taste was ghastly, like the driest leaves in the world with a strong aftertaste of soil. It made him gag, and the regret had him wishing he just left for the groceries.

The End

#disney descendants #pinocchio #pinocchio 1940 #disney pinocchio #lampwick #descendants #peter pan #disney peter pan #peter pan 1953 #tiger lily #tiger lily x lampwick #western disney

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spookyscarydemonbabe · 1 year

Note

so i was just thinking

doing a little bit of being dumb

what would r and Gareth's first real big fight look like? i feel like the fights over band practice and dnd are like baby fights, almost playful and they don't really matter... but i'm curious to see what the big ones about and how they both react

hope you have a great day!!! <3

i’m not a huge fan of angsty stuff but because he reminded me so much of my ex i got really into this 🫣 i’m gonna be honest i cried a little thinking about this cause this was the biggest argument me and my ex had but i know Gareth would react a lot differently than he did 😅

Fights with Gareth would be rare at best

He hates conflict with the people he cares about, so it isn’t often that you would have an argument

Most of the time it’s little playful arguments here and there but sometimes they escalate a bit more than he thought they would

It would be over small things like him being late a handful of times to important dates you had planned but it’s only ever gotten bad once and he’s never let it get that far again

He forgot your birthday

Completely on accident of course, he would never intentionally forget something like that

He had way too many things going on and it overwhelmed him so much it just slipped his mind

You’d call him once you knew he’d be home from work to ask if he was excited to see you next week and if he requested the few days off you told him about

And he would have no idea what you were talking about

You could hear that he was exhausted after his long day and that’s totally fine, he was allowed to be exhausted, but you were hoping that it was all just an act

But still, he’d ask why you needed him off those few days. What was so important that he needed to be off those days for?

And your heart would sink because you would know then that he was being honest

He completely forgot after you’d been telling him for weeks how excited you were to spend the day with him and your family and have fun together with everything you planned and he just forgot

He’d hear you start to tear up on the other end and immediately ask what was wrong or if he did something and all you had to do was mention that specific date and he’d suddenly realize what he’d done

He’d apologize over and over again for forgetting, saying that he didn’t mean to and that he had so much done up that it just completely slipped his mind but at that moment there wasn’t much he could to do make you feel better

You’d just tell him you’d talk to him later and hang up

For a few hours you’d be locked away in your room, trying to cheer yourself up with some of your favorite movies and other things to get your mind off of it but the tears just kept coming

Knowing that your boyfriend forgot your birthday would be so heartbreaking, especially after how many times you mentioned it to him

After a while you’d calm down and collect yourself, cleaning yourself up and realizing that though Gareth did have a lot on his plate it was no excuse to blow off something that important to you

And suddenly your doorbell would ring and when you went to answer it Gareth was there at your doorstep

You could tell he had been upset too but he had shown up with flowers and a little present for you and of course your favorite takeout place for dinner

He’d be apologizing still and he’d give you your flowers and say he feels so awful about forgetting and he just doesn’t want you to hate him because that’s the last thing he’d want

And you can see how horrible he feels about making you feel like that

Especially for making you cry

He would never forgive himself for something like that

You’d let him in and tell him you didn’t hate him, but you were upset and he would understand completely

He’d do anything to make you happy again

And that’s why he decided to give you anything and everything you asked for all the way until your birthday

He’d buy you anything you asked for, he’d be your chauffeur and drive you absolutely everywhere, he’d always be bringing you flowers and little gifts and it’s not like he didn’t do those things already but this time he’d go into high gear and be the best boyfriend he could be to you

And of course on your actual birthday he makes sure to make a giant deal about it

He gets to your house bright and early with all your presents

And his mom of course gave him a dish of cinnamon rolls and his sisters hand made you birthday cards because they wanted to make they got you something too

He’s got another bouquet of your favorite flowers for you and he’s not only ready to do every little thing your heart desires with you for your special day but he planned out a whole other list of things he wanted to do with you

And if you couldn’t fit them in that day then you’ll do it all the next day

He wants you to know that he would never do anything like that to you ever again

He loves you so much and knowing that he did something that made you cry made him never want to see you like that again

He will do anything and everything to keep you happy

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x y/n #gareth emerson headcanons #gareth emerson x reader #gareth stranger things #gareth hurt/comfort

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staticl0ve · 2 years

Text

The Boy Next Door: Heartbreak Prince Pt. 2* (Sixty x reader)

A human AU for the RK boys

Parings: Human!Sixty / Female Reader Rating: Explicit/ NSWF 18+ Chapters (AO3): [ Part 1 ] [ Part 2 ] Word Count: 4.9k (Phew!) Warnings: Smut, so much smut, oral (f!receiving), masturbation, switch Sixty Summary: Lunch with the skater boy, a time to chat and reunite.

Tap-ricka-tap-tap.

Sixty was only a few sips into his cup of coffee and he was already jumpier than a spring rabbit. Fingers strummed on the top of a cafe table, blunt nails hitting wood with dampened taps. Dark brown hair swayed to a different tune than what the cafe was playing. He was waiting for your return and with every passing second, his body was heating up until he was melting back into a nervous, sweaty teenage boy all over again.

He hadn’t seen much of you since high school, your interactions filled with empty promises of eventual reunions. Time stretched on, you stayed in your college town for a masters degree, occasionally making small talk on important days like birthdays and holidays. He was a little disappointed but it wasn’t like you guys were best friends or anything, you owed him nothing.

As for Sixty’s crush on you…real life was not like a romance movie. There was no waiting, no sweet longing, and resisting the urge to seek other sources of affection. With his newfound independence, the self proclaimed Casanova had taken a slew of lovers and then some. Nothing long lasting came from it, except a few bitter exes and forgotten names.

His attention always shifted back to his skate shop dreams and despite his best efforts, his thoughts would slip to you. On some nights he was restless, finding himself locked in a staring contest with his bedroom ceiling, wondering if you were doing the same and thinking of him. Some nights he dreamed of the late evenings spent lying in a mess of sheets, your laughter in his ear and your head resting on his shoulder. Whenever he went back to his dad’s house, he’d always make time to swing by his old room. Even if it had been years and countless of laundry cycles, Sixty swore he could still smell the scent of apple and vanilla lingering in the sheets—sweet, like the pastries in the cafe.

The cafe! Oh god, was he sweating through his shirt? Sixty had half the mind to check until a shift in the table weight interrupted him. A ceramic plate clattered on hardwood and was the cue he needed to face the music. His fingers still moved with a will of their own, the drumming beat continuing as you sat down across from him.

Tap-ta-tap-tap.

Be cool. Be cool, man.

“Sorry for the wait. I couldn’t find the napkins,” you said before smiling back at him.

His fingers finally caught wind of what his brain wanted and ceased their tapping. “I prefer my coffee room temp, thank you very much,” he joked while bringing his cup to his lips.

A sharp exhale rushed out of your nose in place of a laugh, your smile widening. It had been ages since you’ve heard his terrible jokes in person. There was something about Sixty that always relaxed you, even when he was sitting across from you looking shakier than jello in an earthquake. He changed over the years; his band shirts were less tattered, he got a little taller, and a few more freckles but the rest of him still had that devil-may-care attitude. You blew on your drink, the ripples gently hitting the other side of your cup before taking a sip of the hot beverage.

“I hope it’s okay that I’ve dragged you away from your shift at your shop,” you said.

Sixty shrugged, his body slouching to one side with one arm propped up on the top of his chair. “Ralph’s a reliable dude, he’s all set to run the shop without me. Besides, I can’t refuse a lunch with you.”

He winked at the last bit in the hopes that his playful nature would mask the butterflies trying to escape his gut. It was unfair really, you looked calm and collected, your expressions polite and friendly.

“How long are you…back for?” He asked.

“I…well. I’ll be honest, I haven’t decided yet,” you replied hesitantly. Your head turned to look beyond the window by your table, targeting a building of impressive height in the distance. “I’m sure you’ve seen all the construction on that gigantic tower they’ve built downtown. The company gave me a job offer and I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“What’s stopping you from saying yes?” Sixty straightened up to lean forward, propping his elbows on the table and resting his face in his hands, his toothy grin projecting his eagerness to hear your answer.

“I’m not sure,” you began, taking another sip of your drink between thoughts. “The work would be challenging and interesting. I just haven’t decided to make the jump yet.”

There were so many other opportunities outside of Detroit. You could be another sardine in the can that was New York City metro, or enjoy the mild climate of Silicon Valley and immerse yourself in talks of startups and venture capital funding. On the other hand, you had your old life, friends that remained in the city who were dying to reconnect, family that volunteered to help you settle comfortably, and a man with freckled cheeks with all the hope in the world twinkling in his eyes.

“I think I just need a push in the right direction,” you concluded.

Easily distracted by his mind twisting words into fantasy, Sixty’s imagination conjured a vision of you face down in a mattress with his hand on your back pushing you before he—Oh shit.

Your lips were still moving, your words however, had wizzed through one of his ears and promptly vanished through the other. He must have looked ridiculous with his eyes wide and head hanging stiffly over his broad shoulders.

With a small laugh you said, “You haven’t changed a bit!” He opened his mouth with an apology but you cut him off. “Six, I’ve spent enough summer nights hearing you say ‘what?’ And then repeating myself over and over. It’s okay, honestly.”

The tips of his ears went red, the color quickly reaching his cheeks. “I…uh, I think…I heard something about your cousin?” He tried.

“Yeah! I was explaining how I found your store. My cousin’s a skater too. While he was helping me move in, he talked a lot about a local skate shop and I recognized the name when he brought it up.”

He latched onto the part that perked his interest the most. “Move in? I thought you said you weren’t sure about staying in the city.”

Your phone buzzed with an endless scroll of messages, little glimpses of the words: couch and leaving soon. Sixty’s fingers resumed their nervous drumming when your eyes left his face to check your phone. After a brief apologetic smile, you continued. “The job is really close to my aparment which happens to be my aunt’s old place so I’m living there before her lease is up. If I take the job, I’ll stay.”

You’ll stay.

The table buzzed again, two more messages.

“Sorry, it’s my cousin. I’m supposed to be at my apartment soon so I can get this couch brought in,” you replied while furiously typing back a reply. “I gotta go but—“

Both of your mouths opened at the same time, an echo of the same two words.

“Do you—“

“You first,” you said.

“N-no, go ahead.”

“Do you wanna grab dinner sometime? I feel like there’s so much to catch up on.”

He must have hit his head while skating because, was this real life or was this just fantasy? …Holy shit. Yes, fuck yes. Oh my fucking god—

“Yes,” he answered as calmly as he could, his teeth biting into his lip to hold back his excited grin.

One dinner led to a movie night, a gallery visit, and today, a park stroll with his dog, Sumo. A few laps around the park and the Saint Bernard was pooped. The three of you rested below the shade of a red maple, the sounds of distant children at play and happy dogs generating a soothing ambient soundtrack. A blue leash was held loosely in your hand as Sumo napped with his head on your shoes, your feet becoming his new favorite pillow. Sixty was resting his head on the backside of the bench, his eyes closed and head tilted back, dark locks flowing with the breeze. You could get used to this, a cute boy and his dog.

Sixty’s impulsiveness must have rubbed off on you, the tranquil scene being the push you needed. You wouldn’t be starting your new job for another two weeks so you figured you could surprise Sixty when instead, he came over to your place with a surprise of his own. He was gleeful, of course, to hear that you were staying and even more excited to present his housewarming gift.

“That’s not going to fit,” you said with a glass of wine swirling between your fingers.

He laughed while grunting and moving to slot his gift in place. “You know, I hear that all the time.”

If you were glaring at him, he couldn’t see it but he did hear your exasperated groan as he finished the adjustments needed for the framed artwork. Your apartment was airy and bright even at night, the living room layout large enough to fit the essentials of any young bachelorette’s home. On one side of the room was an entertainment center, a television mounted on a wall and on the other side was a modular L shaped couch pressed against a boldly colored wall. His estimates were correct, the painting centering perfectly on the accent wall behind the couch.

“It’s amazing. Thank you, Sixty.” You took a few steps towards it, sipping on your wine before setting it down on a coffee table. There was something familiar about the drawing, the graphic illustration featuring a guitar and pink bubblegum circles floating around it. In the corner of your eye, you caught him staring at you instead of the wall. Your hip playfully bumped into his, which earned you a chuckle.

“What?” You asked, still facing the wall with your head tilted up at him.

“Do you remember the summer we shared as teenagers?” He asked.

“Of course!”

The master of sliding into anything, be it DMs or personal space, moved so slowly you didn’t notice his face inching closer to yours. Sixty wasn’t an idiot, the spark between you had ignited like a fuse to a dynamite and he wasn’t going to wait for the blast. With a half lidded, lazy gaze and his signature smirk, he finally brought up that which had been plaguing him since senior year.

“You used to leave your blinds closed all the time. Did you suddenly forget that summer?”

“No. Why? Did you enjoy the show?” You asked, running a finger up his shirt and watching him tense like a trap ready to spring.

“I did. You know…my door was always open, I didn’t need a whole show,” he replied with a smirk.

It was so obvious to you, his reputation in high school for wanting to sample the entire student body. You laughed, “Sixty. Seriously?” A moment elapsed before you realized he didn’t understand. “They called you the Heartbreak Prince. Did you know that unlike Anthony, you managed to sleep with half of my team and their friends? You may not have recognized them when they weren’t in cheer uniforms but they remembered you.”

That may have been true, his recollection of fleeting, steamy moments of his youth being all but a blur. Once again, he was but a fish far out of his element, his mouth dry and lips parted with nothing to say.

You continued, “There were so many broken hearts to tend to. I thought it’d be better to be friends and keep the flirting to a minimum.” Or more like giving him a taste of his own medicine. You weren’t an idiot and could tell he was teetering on the edge of his self control every night you laid in his bed just to talk.

“That was…I was…a stupid kid then. I’m not like that now,” he insisted. Well. Starting today. No time like the present right?

“So what? Do you think you can be good?” You teased with a flutter of your lashes, not entirely oblivious to the implications.

He had to bite back the groan that threatened to spill from his lips. “So good. If that’s what you want.”

You sank into the couch, your hand patting the cushion in an invitation. Before Sixty could have a chance to pull you into his arms, you scooted back when he joined you, your knees going from touching to a full cushion width apart. Your hands worked to unzip the side zipper of your dress, the material splitting open across the expanse of your ribcage in a slow reveal.

“Did you ever touch yourself when you watched me?”

His throat bobbed, brown eyes following your nimble fingers revealing new patches of skin with a predatory gaze. “After,” he responded hoarsely.

“Show me.”

Sixty was impatient, going straight for the part of him that was the neediest. Sweaty fingers fumbled with buttons, zippers and an elastic band, his hand finally freeing his erection from its cotton cage. He watched you almost breathlessly as the dress got tossed aside, your skin glowing from lamplight, soft shadows caressing your curves.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he moaned. His fist gripped the head of his cock, pulling down his length to coat himself in his own lubricant. He cursed as he pumped himself while you unhooked your bra, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. You looked good enough to eat, his eyes honing in on your hardening nipples. “I bet you’d taste so good.”

The low vibrations in his husky voice struck you to your core, your thighs falling open further with every filthy promise that continued to spill past his lips. You didn’t miss the way his mouth parted into a grin at the sight of soaked lace.

“Should I take this off?” You teased. Your fingers swirled over your clothed sex, rubbing into your clit and pressing the material taut enough for him to get a hint at what was underneath.

“Yes-s. Fuck, I really want to kiss you,” he panted.

His shirt wrinkled and stretched with his flexing muscles as he stroked himself harder. Normally his brain would be running a mile a minute, his attention flipping more frequently than a playlist full of hated songs. Sixty had never been more focused, his lizard brain drowning out the noise of other distractions. He was enchanted, clinging onto your every word at a chance to get close, to feel you with his mouth, his fingers and if you’d let him... He pleaded your name, leaning forward on the couch to feel closer to you.

“I don’t know, it’s really not fair that you’ve got so much on,” you countered.

Sixty didn’t think he could move so fast, his body springing off the couch to rip off his clothes while you laughed softly as you slipped off a single pair of panties. He returned to hover near you, kneeling into the cushions and sandwiching your legs with his, unable to withstand the distance you silently enforced. If karma was real, he would like repent for the trail of broken hearts he’d left behind. Maybe pray to some deity for the opportunity to put his face between your thighs just once. His nose dug underneath your collarbone, dark brows pinched in pain as he pleaded again.

“Let me kiss you,” he muttered.

“Six…” you teased.

“Please,” he said more eagerly, his left hand ghosting over the back of your neck.

“Oka—mph!”

Calloused fingers lightly gripped your head, holding you in place to plant an eager kiss on your mouth. His moans tickled your skin, a pink tongue escaping his parted lips to lick across the seam of your lips. Sixty might have been too into his own head, but he swore you tasted like bubblegum, your tongue tangling with his until he felt the rush of a sugar high. He gasped as soon as your hand gripped his length, your thumb drawing circles over his red and swollen tip.

“A-ah! Shit…” He chuckled and rested his forehead against yours, his breath hot on your face. “Do that again, p-please.”

You hummed and placed a kiss on his cheek as you leisurely pumped him in your fist, your palm damp and slick with his precum. His hips jolted forward when your fingers skimmed past the skin at the base of his cock, his face digging into your shoulder to muffle his whine. While he was rock hard in your hand, the rest of him was putty, his eyes almost rolling into the back of his head. He was so close, it was almost embarrassing if he had any bit of his brain left to think about it.

“Did you daydream about bending me over a desk in the music room…with your hand up my skirt, your jeans barely pushed off?”

“S-sometimes,” he gasped. “That day you came in w-with Anthony’s varsity jacket, I…I wanted-d to fuck you on h-his locker.”

You felt him smirk on your shoulder when you made a surprised sound at his admission. He was a hair trigger from painting his abdomen and your hand in his release before he pulled his hips away and pinned you down onto the couch. You weren’t expecting a deep chuckle after he caught his breath, his face rising level with yours.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to give me a chance to play, sweetheart,” he breathed into your ear.

He moved until he hovered over you, his legs sliding around your hips, his cock rutting thoughtlessly against your thigh. It was your turn to squirm and blush as his face was inches from your neck, his lips pressing kisses in all the ticklish spots.

“Six!” You pleaded with giggles as his fingers skimmed up your rib cage and to the underside of your breasts.

He mimicked your playful line from earlier. “Mmm, I don’t know…” His tongue curled around your nipple before his gaze snapped up at yours. The softness and warmth in those honey brown eyes were consumed by his irises and suddenly narrowed on a spot between your thighs.

“As much as I love hearing your laugh, I might like hearing…” Sixty licked his lips, forgetting the rest of his sentence as his body slipped further away from you and down onto the couch.

“W-what? Hearing what—“

A chocked sob took your breath away as his mouth latched straight onto the nerves above your sex. There were a couple of exes that attempted to shove their faces between your thighs and some of them clearly missed the TED talk because his tongue managed to swirl around your clit in a way that made your toes instantly curl.

“I’ve never…” you gasped, the words dying in your throat when he began to suction his lips around the nub, his tongue flicking circles in tandem. The hand on your stomach made a ‘go on’ gesture and if your brain cells weren’t busy getting sucked and scrambled out of you, then maybe you’d have said something witty to him. “Never f-felt this good…like t-this.”

Sixty almost stopped to ask you about it but just seeing you like this, limp and tense all at once from his mouth alone. Shit. Well, you can forget about your exes because this was just the appetizer. Your confession only made him work harder, his tongue dipping past your folds for a quick taste. At some point, you could only whimper and grip the back of his head, your nails raking up his scalp.

While your compliments would fuel the supernova that was his ego, he buckled at the chance of sharing this new experience with you. This wasn’t about him, this was about having you feel as good as you deserved to feel. The edge of a storm still lurked in your eyes. He saw it the moment you fumbled around the pressure of staying in the city, the deep sighs that you thought you masked by slipping away to a different gallery room or letting Sumo drag you away from him to stare forlornly into the middle distance. One bad joke and the clouds would clear, your laugh light and flirty, your smile directed at him.

Okay, a little bit—some of it had to do with his ego.

He moaned when you squirmed again, your thighs trembling as you neared the edge. His lips massaged your clit, tongue feverishly lapping the tender nerves. His finger teased your folds, collecting the dampness that was dangerously close to seeping all over your brand new couch and pushed into you as you screamed.

“Sixty!”

He let you ride out your high, slipping in a second finger to stretch you open and feel you pulse around him. Then, he rose with the help of his right arm to capture your lips again.

“Sweetheart. Do you think you could do that again?”

His cock was still throbbing on your thigh and you realized he was asking for permission. Your head was shaking no, mildly delirious as your ears finally stopped ringing but your voice did not agree with your brain fog, “Yes, Sixty. I…yes.”

There was that mischievous chuckle again. Your eyes snapped up at his smug, proud grin, an arrogant comment on the cusp of escaping his big mouth.

“You sure? This is a rare case of a body saying no but a person saying yes—“

“Sixty.”

“Alright. Message received,” he laughed. His arms slipped around your back and thighs and before you knew it, you were lifted off the couch.

“Sixty!”

“Hey, don’t wanna get the new couch dirty,” he said and added, “Your bed’s new too right?”

“Yes, why?” You asked as you passed a hallway and a doorway before being placed on your bed.

He took a moment to appreciate the sight you splayed out on your bed, legs wide open, your folds glistening from his saliva and your slick. He bent down to place a palm on your back and front, coaxing you to turn over onto your knees. His voice returned at your ear, along with the heat of his skin grazing over your back.

“Because we’re going to break it in. But first…”

You heard him fumbling with some plastic crinkling and said, “I have an IUD.” Your head turned to grin at him. “That is…if you’re...”

He caught the hint, he did call himself a Casanova after all and if there was one thing he treasured the most about his body, it was his dick.

“I’m clean. I promise,” he said with a soft smile.

He brought his hand to your back with light pressure and pushed you into the mattress. His gaze followed the tilt in your hips, the curves up your waist and your shoulders pinched together. Maybe on a different night, you’d let him draw you. His cock bumped the back of your thigh, the velvety firm texture dragging back and forth on your soft skin. He brought his left arm around your waist, slipping down to dip into you and back out to rub your clit.

“Fuck, you’re so wet. Tell me you want this.”

“Y-yes,” you said.

His sweaty forehead came crashing down on your back, his arrogance melting the closer his hips got to yours.

“No, I…I need to hear it. Please.”

“Six, I want you. Just you.”

He kissed the dip between your shoulder blades and nudged into you slowly, easily gliding in halfway before easing back out as you adjusted to him. This was unlike his many other conquests, his dick being the only thing that ever felt good during sex. His heart thrummed with an unfamiliar energy, your twitching muscles sparking up his nerves and driving deep into a primitive part of his mind that screamed for him to claim something and to give his all.

His left hand was still between your thighs, tracing over your clit and skimming over where you were joined, where you swelled as he filled you. Sixty was already hitting a spot that made you incoherent, your mouth stuck open and pressed into a pillow but somehow it wasn’t enough. He heard you whine, your back arching further to take more of him.

“What’s the rush?” He murmured while trailing up your spine with his tongue, your skin salty and scent as sweet as apple pie. “You’ll humor a man who’s only had dreams of this?”

You moaned his name as his hips nuzzled closer, his toned chest pressed flush against your back. He was lighting up a fire with every forward snap of his thrusts, only for the flames to be doused by a torturously slow withdrawal. When his finger rubbed firmer circles around your clit, you clenched around him and he almost lost sight of his goals for the evening.

“F-fuck,” he groaned. “Sweetheart, I’m trying to take it slow.”

Oh, you were beyond that now.

He heard you plead, the sounds growing more desperate when he pulled out to flip you onto your back. Your hand smacked his arm lightly when he laughed at your eagerness.

“I…ow, I was going to say something sexy but now I forgot what I was going to say,” he grinned. His eyes rolled when you glared back at him.

“Sixty. I swear to god…a-ah!”

In a flash, he went from kneeling over you to pulling your hips flush with his and burying the full length of his cock into you. A grin was still pasted firmly on his face but the rest of his features relaxed from his usual cocksure sharpness. He bent forward until your legs folded around his waist, his arm scooping you up off the mattress to press your hot skin to his chest. As your hips found a steady rhythm, the room grew more and more saturated with the sounds of moans and bed creaks like a debauched duet.

The further he fell, the more Sixty really felt like his heart might burst, his guitar and craft roughened hands digging into your tender skin. You didn’t seem much better off, your nails clamping painfully into his shoulders. It was a good kind of pain, a chance for him to see you lose a little bit of the perfect composure you had. Your eyes were clamped shut but he kept his open. He wouldn’t miss seeing you, your back arched, neck taut and sweat beading down the valley of your breasts. No, he wouldn’t miss this for all the parties in the world.

“Sixty!”

He muttered your name back to you like a prayer and left a trail of sloppy kisses down your cheek and lips. His hips pushed your thighs open further, plunging into you at a rapid pace. It seemed impossible but he managed to reach deeper, his fingers still masterfully strumming your clit. Every crash of flesh was joined by the soothing tone of his praise and added more fuel to the flames scorching up your limbs, your back arching off the mattress. With a cry, you came around him, collapsing back into a moaning heap of flesh and bone.

“Fuck—“ he groaned. He freed his hands to cradle around your face in a kiss that muffled his moans as he frantically chased his end. In a few messy thrusts, he spilled inside you, his release warm and satiny as the excess seeped out. Beyond satisfied and his heart having leapt over the moon, Sixty’s hips continued pumping lazily while he caught his breath.

“I…I have actually never…done that before,” he admitted.

You squirmed underneath him and he got the memo to gently ease out of you. “What do you mean?” You asked when he plopped himself next to you.

He buried his face into your neck, two strong arms tugging your tired body to slot next to his. Beyond having not finished in anyone since his young, dumb brain had used the pullout method once and the one scare that had him never attempt it again; he didn’t think sex could feel this intense.

A nervous chuckle rumbled near your head. “I’ve never…You know, had sex feel like more than sex?”

Sixty was not going to say it. No ma’am, it sounded too cheesy to say ‘make love’ and he was not going t—

“You mean making love?” You giggled and pulled his hand to rest on your stomach and away from the nipple his wandering hand decided to attack. He sputtered from behind you and you didn’t even need to look to know his face was beet red.

“Y-yeah, that,” he replied before taking a deep breath. “Look I…fuck. I wanna be your boyfriend, if you’ll have me.”

When you didn’t immediately reply, his heart went from the orbiting the moon to crashing down into the Mariana Trench, but he didn’t stay there for long.

“I don’t know,” you cooed. “It took you a while to ask.” You heard a playful growl before he tickled you into the bed, his body pinning yours like a massive blanket.

“Yes, I meant yes! Ah—no! Sixty! Sixty!”

For years, you avoided using his real name, always preferring to use the one he liked more. He would tell you one day that it was like being on cloud nine, just hearing you huff it out when you were laughing or angry, just as long as he could hear your voice. You did reserve his real name for when he was in real trouble.

“Caiden!”

He hummed while he held you in his arms with a massively stupid smile and there you were, glaring at him with the biggest pout that he’d inevitably kiss away.

“I’m glad you chose to stay in Detroit,” he confessed.

“Me too.”

As predicted, he swooped in with his nose digging into your cheek to press a kiss on your lips, your pout dissolving instantly. One hand intertwined with yours, the other shifting to rest between your head and the pillow. He broke the kiss to look into your eyes and huffed out a small laugh.

“What?” You blinked at him.

You looked like you were floating on a cloud of sheets, soft white ripples piling up around you, your head sunken into a marshmallowy pillow.

“Nothing.” He shook his head and dipped back down to join you on your pillow. You whispered his name one more time and melted into another kiss, the tug of his grin pressing into your lips.

Ah. Cloud nine.

#my writing #detroit become human #dbh fanfic #reader insert #rk800 60 #dbh sixty #reader x sixty #sixty x reader #reader x rk800 60 #rk800 60 x reader #the boy next door

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stay278 · 1 year

Text

Not ever. (HJG)

Warnings: ANGST, sad ending, Han Jisung x Fem!Reader, best-friends-who-secretly-fell-in-love trope, Han Jisung astronaut au

A/n: Sorry that this took so long to post. I've been stressing about school. You definitely deserve a better explanation than that, but, that's all I have. I hope you enjoy this, and look out for my Marvel reference! Also, please do not repost my work as your own!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n's POV

It was wrong.

It was all so wrong, and you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.

You we're about to lose your best friend (and mega crush,) for two years straight, and you couldn't even bring yourself to speak.

But for him, his happiness and dreams,

it was the right thing to do.

At least, that's what you told yourself.

You see, you and Jisung had grown up together. Physically and mentally. You were with each other to, the end of the line, as some might say. You were with each other through the thick and thin. The heartbreaks, small crushes, first kisses, exams, summer vacations, goofing off at a relative's wedding, (although you both agreed to never speak of that again.)

And now, navigating through your twenties, with a massive crush on your best friend.

Classic K-Drama story, right?

Why were you losing him for two years?

Oh, simply because of his dream of becoming an astronaut.

Yeah. You were a writer, and he wanted to be an astronaut.

Such opposites, right?

One wanting to be out there, discovering, and one wanting to be curled up on a couch, pouring hard work into a quiet life.

Jisung was selected by a special program that was run by the top recruiter and business in space exploration. Needless to say, Jisung would be set for life if he took this mission.

And after making sure that you were okay with it, he accepted the offer.

But you were acting, of course. Anything so that he could be happy.

Both of you, though in different senses, were ambitious.

Just not in the face of love.

The truth is, both of you had fallen for each other ages ago. But each of you were to scared to admit it. Both of your willpowers were surprisingly strong when it came to this topic. Neither of you wanted to scare off the other, and both of you were too scared to take the next step.

The two of you were so in love with each other that even Chan, one of the other people selected to join the mission-research team and one of Jisung's closest mission-team members, could see it, clear as day.

The two of you were fools, he thought, seeing you give each other you last hugs and farewells for the next two years. You were both so clearly in love, that he was almost in agony, trying to push Jisung to confess. But he also wanted Jisung to confess of his own accord. So he wasn't necessarily forcing him.

Necessarily.

"Promise me that you'll still be my idiotic Jisung when you come back? Two years in space better not take you away from me," you warned playfully.

"Y/nnie, I'll be fine! I'll miss you a lot though. Man, someone should have brought the internet to space. I don't want to go two years without hearing from you!" Jisung whined, as you gave him another quick hug.

"Sungie, I'll be fine. I'll miss you too. Now go before they leave you behind!" You giggled, slightly at his antics, and slightly at how quickly the two of you had switched roles. You shoved him gently in the direction of the rest of the team.

"Hey," he said, dropping his playful grin for a serious expression. "I'm serious. I will miss you."

"You act like I'm not going to miss you. Now go!" You said, shoving him a little harder this time.

"Fine, fine. Love you!"

"Love you."

You wished that Jisung had meant that affirmation of affection in a romantic sense, as he walked away to join his team, waving back at you one last time.

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Jisung's POV

I walked away from my crush/best friend with a heavy heart. I loved her so damn much, and she probably didn't even feel the same way. I did want to go on this mission. I was sure about at least that. But I didn't want the two years away from her.

Y/nnie would want me to go.

So I'll go.

For her.

"You know, you two are really obvious." Chan said, as I caught up with him.

"Chan hyung, we've talked about this. She probably doesn't like me back."

"And that's where you're wrong," Chan exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air and carelessly waving them around, nearly hitting a passerby in the face.

He mumbled a quick apology before continuing.

"That's love if I've ever seen it."

"What is?" I asked, incredulously, and exasperatedly.

"ALL of that! They way she looks and acts around you! Go for it Jisung!"

"Fine, fine, but there's no time now hyung! We have to prep and get on board."

"You're not seriously going to make me wait two years for you to confess right?"

"..."

"Oh my god. You are."

"Well...-"

"-Well, you better confess when we get back." Chan said, teasing me.

"Okay, hyung! Can we just not?!" I said, having had enough with his teasing.

"Fine. Catch up with you later."

As we parted ways, it clicked. Chan was right, as annoying as that is to say, he was. Y/nnie looks at me the same way I look at her. Every memory we've had always leads me back to notice that she likes me too. Chan's only known her for 6 months and even he could tell that she liked me.

Man, I really was stupid.

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Y/n's POV

I watched the countdown for takeoff, each second made my heart feel heavier and heavier, its ache making it feel like I had an anchor in my chest.

You had endured so much in life already, and you gave up another one of of your loved ones for their happiness.

What were you thinking?! You wanted Jisung to go!

...right?

Two years. Would you ever survive without him?

Maybe not, but it's not like he's leaving you forever.

Tears began to well in your eyes, and cloud your vision. You blinked them away, but they came faster, and faster, until they started to fall.

It hit you. Like a punch to the gut. He was leaving. He would be gone. Would he be the same when he came back?

Yeah. He promised right?

You replayed all of your best memories with him in your head. Laughing at shows and movies with him on Friday nights, going to cafés and goofing off until you got kicked out, laughing at him when he got rejected by a girl after drunkenly attempting to woo her. All of them, were all you had until he came back.

You stared at the thrusters of the rocket, glued to your spot as they lifted the mechanism into the air, ever so slightly, as if to goad you into yelling and screaming for anyone, anyone, to stop the aircraft and bring you best friend back.

Two years, twenty-four months, it wouldn't be so bad right?

You couldn't watch anymore. You turned away as everyone around you erupted into cheers, as the rocket lifted off of the ground and gravitated to the sky.

Two minutes later though, was when it happened.

"Hey, what the heck is that?"

"What do you mean?"

"That! That thing right up there!"

Another voice arose from somewhere else.

"OH MY GOD! It's the rocket! It's falling!"

"What?!"

"WHAT?!"

...What?

You turned back to the screen, and what you saw crushed you.

The rocket was engulfed in flames, free-falling into the bay, just outside the launchpad. The pristine white aircraft was now covered in orange and red flames.

No.

No. No. NO!

JISUNG!

Your heart shattered into a million pieces. Your vision blurred, and then you realized that you were dissociating again.

When you came to, the room that was formerly filled with proud, and happy cheering, was now filled with anguished and desperates cries and pleas, as you all helplessly watched the flaming aircraft delve into the water.

The aircraft, that had become your beloved's tomb.

You let out the most heart-wrenching cry ever heard. You desperately clutched at your shirt and fell to your knees, replaying all of your happy memories with Jisung.

And then you froze.

You were replaying these memories as a filler. In hopes that your beloved Jisung would come back to you.

But he wasn't going to.

He wasn't coming back to you. No matter how badly you wanted, no, needed him to.

Jisung wasn't going to return to you.

Not now.

Not ever.

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A/n: Hi again! I apologize if this was bad. Feel free to tell me how I can improve, and shoot me requests! I won't take smut since I'm really bad at writing pieces of that topic.

#love #angst #stray kids han #stray kids imagines #chan #skz angst #skz fanfic #skz jisung #skz x reader #stray kids #straykids han #skz han #jisung imagines #han jisung astronaut au #astronaut #stray kids han jisung

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georgiapeach30513 · 2 years

Note

I liked the fact Arleigh did mention it is too much when Story tried to convince her of the future her Five year old has planned for himself & Birdie Mae & How Arleigh had a thought to herself noticing that when Raiden and Birdie Mae are playing he is not being overly aggressive about them being married. she herself has fought in her family to not get under the shadows of the big & strong personalities of her siblings and parents, & be her own person. I really hope she helps her daughter be the same, someone who finds joy in little things and be her own person first than entertaining the idea of being someone's future wife. But when Arleigh mentioned Beau that Birdie Mae wouldn't ever have to work if she marries Rai even if teasing or joking was so out of character for her, I could never imagine her saying so, a character like Lucy could but not her. She has been raised an independent woman herself even if she is soft, tiny & carefree she wouldn't want her daughter to ever be dependent on someone & Beau too wouldn't want that.

And I hope that at some point of time Story (not Carter because she is the one encouraging him and spoiling him a lil) talks to Raiden that if his feelings are not reciprocated he should be accepting and respectful of other people's choices.

Arleigh is a great mom, very minimalist and she will advocate for them. She’s very empathetic and can see if her kids are worried about things. Don’t worry, Arleigh kept her eyes on the two of them, and if she felt he was being too much and not being kids, she would say something to his mom.

Raiden has his moments. It’s like he has all this he’s feeling inside and needs to get it all out at once. And once he does, he goes back to being all boy. They can play and not ever bring up the baby doll or their future. While football becomes a bit of his life. He also likes being a kid. And Raiden really does care about Birdie Mae. He says he’s going to marry her, but he doesn’t ever call her his girlfriend. Just his friend. He watches her, and as he gets older, he will know what she needs from him without her saying anything. Even if it’s she just needs him to walk away.

The Adler’s will continue to be very simple people. They’re shown a lot of love from all their family, and will continue to have all that. Birdie Mae is very much her mother with the outdoors and hippy vibes.

Again, we’ve just seen Beau and Arleigh get together, and at that point they’re learning each other. Or we’ve seen them switching with Blade and Lo. But think about this…Beau and Arleigh were together ten years before having children. Beau did not grow up with money. They lived comfortably. He is a saver. Arleigh didn’t grow up with money. They waited until they were fully secure in their relationship, they finished the cabin which took time because they weren’t in a rush, they saved, and they had no debt when they had children.

Arleigh does like teasing Beau. She also knows that money and making sure his family has enough and then some is one of Beau’s worries. She doesn’t expect Birdie Mae to be a football wife. But teasing him about how at least they won’t have to worry about money, is a way to soften Beau to the idea of the two together, if there’s a future. Neither want her to rely on a man to keep her up. They want her to be self sufficient on her own. But if she chooses to just be a wife, that’s her decision. It’s playful banter, and this is 16 years into their relationship. People change.

Think about how he was so in love with Story. And he got his heartbroken. Beau is looking at his sweet daughter, and like any parent, he doesn’t want her to know heartbreak. In his mind there’s this cycle about his family and the Drysdale’s. Frank and Kitten. Him and Story. And now his baby and Raiden. So of course, he’s going to pick at everything wrong.

Yes, I am wanting to work on something for this evening about each of the kids talking to a parent. I don’t want to say Raiden isn’t emotionally mature, but he is a five year old boy. Have you ever been around one? They’re rash, they’re simple minded and even on track minded. He gave her the baby doll. Showed her the house, and then they played in the pool. He said what he needed to say and moved on.

And he’ll get used to is. Because while Birdie Mae thinks he’s cute, she doesn’t want a boyfriend right now, and you’ll see that when that drabble is up. Birdie Mae is far more mature than the wild Rai man, who has been described as a cave man.

#desperate lives #desperate lives au #desperate verse #da au #dau #da au chat #raiden x birdie mae

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bettybebettern30z · 1 month

Text

Love might be real for some. A soulmate might even be tangible for others, But love is only a myth when it comes to me.

I thought that maybe the world was putting a path in front of me and a chance to reach for something, but yet again it was only a fleeting moment of the thought to finally overpower the sense of loneliness. I thought that maybe it was my time to fully see my potential of a worthy partner to someone for life. But the like all the ones before, the feeling grew slowly to false hope and was ever so fleeting. I find better comfort in my solitude. I know how to treat myself. I know when it comes to my own pain, I can be the one to heal myself. I continue to pick myself up and learn about myself little by little with each moment. And knowing that the connections I make are so valuable to me.

I know that I hold the moments dear to those who are worthy enough to witness my true honesty and care. I know I won't just let anyone in anymore. And I know better than to hold on to things that were never there. I'm strong on my own. I find more peace being alone. I use to be so scared being single for so long. Now that I've learn to understand myself more, I know that I'm not ever truly alone when I'm with myself. Sometimes she hides, but every so often she'll come out with that wonderous mind beautiful smile. When she does I say to myself...

" There, there she is. "

She's amazing when you find her. And a when she shines, she is a true glimmer finding the light. It's still a long road ahead, but I will never have her hide away for too long if I can ever help it. And even so, no one will truly find this beauty or even know she's there, but I won't keep her from finding happiness. No matter how small or simple.

What she finds in this world is the amazement of it all, and I've learned to not call it childish anymore but a since of wonder and playfulness. Something that none of us should loose. Yes, it's important for all of us to feel, and know we are valid. Trying to be numb from all the pain we might have endured is how we try to protect ourselves and stay strong. But our pain is valid. Our feelings our cries, our past, our future, our presents, our LIVES are valid... Perhaps all of it or none of it can truly be explained or understood, but we have every right to be. Just be..

I won't find myself crying over loneliness or heartbreak tonight. I will process this emptiness and understand that even if I live with this, I will find happiness and I will keep on. I can't abandon myself anymore. I'll find her again soon enough.

#personal thoughts #calm #fighting depression #finding myself #finding my peace #breathe #love is a myth #no heartache #strength #beauty within #honesty #life #sadness #pain

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lets-talk-spirituality · 1 year

Note

Heyy :) I saw you answering some asks. If you could answer mine, I would be really grateful ✨️🤍

Could you tell me about my soulmate/divine counterpart? Anything that I need to know? Timing or any steps and changes I have to make?

I'm a person who is highly intuitive and all, and I can just look at a person and know that they aren't the one. I had a few significant dreams the past few days, but in the end I'm a person who doesn't trust or believe in dreams because they are just random thoughts playing out. I am kind of tired thinking about finding love. I had very significant feelings for someone in the past because he was different than anyone else I ever saw (kinda fresh out of a heartbreak). Now I feel better and energized in other areas of life. But I have little to no thoughts about finding love.

I would be really grateful if you could read for me.

Immediately I feel like you shouldn’t just dismiss your dreams and should see if they have some deeper things they are trying to show you, either about yourself or about what’s happening in your subconscious. Okay, that said, I’m gonna see what I can pick up.

When I see the white heart, I do get this like feeling you may be here on a highly spiritual mission, like I see angels, not saying you are one but that you seem to be here to help humanity in some capacity and I think whomever you’re partnered with would have a similar purpose, I think you do have someone connected to you, because of the level of understanding you need to be here on this sort of mission, but I’m not sure if you know this person and I think they aren’t what you expect, I’m getting dark hair and skin, like dark brown sort of like Indian, they may be from India or somewhere in Southeast Asia or they may be tied to ideas from there like really big on yoga, Theravada Buddhism, Hinduism, Vedic astrology, I think they spend a lot of time meditating, like I’m seeing a Tibetan monk, I don’t think they are one but they approach life like one, very calm, very detached in a positive way, very much someone who sees the value and power of spiritual pursuits, I really get Indian vibes, like I’m hearing that accent in my head, and I’m thinking of Indian food, seeing the Taj Mahal. This person is very spiritually advanced and when you meet them, they may share an extremely hard life story with you but this experience has given them deep wisdom. I think they will actually help you develop more in your spirituality and it’s part of why you come together, oh I think maybe you open a school, maybe your counterpart is gonna be a guru like Thich Nhat Hanh (look into his teachings and books if you haven’t) and I think you may be instrumental in this, you may lead classes, help make videos or marketing materials, but like I see you both in white in front of a garden smiling like you would on a website welcoming people to your school, this feels like it’s not in India but the west so maybe Europe or America, Canada, beautiful colorful flowers and gardens, wow, you both are at peace and very fulfilled and joyful and you will be teaching others how to get there.

Counterpart Message

Rashish? (Something like that came through, maybe look into that names meaning and similar names, may not be their name but will give insight on traits they have) Hi my beloved, I am journeying through life, spending so much time in communion with divine, you can thank me for some of your insights. (Laughs, playful cockiness) I’ve done a lot of work for me and for us, we have such a great life ahead, very fun, I’ve seen glimpses of it, I’m sharing with our friend so you don’t lose hope, in Buddhism hope shows a desire and desires create expectations that can lead to suffering, I don’t want you to suffer, just to trust. All the we are and have gone through will give us the skills we need to lead in the future it’s just you can’t see it yet. That’s okay, you may get glimpses if you let yourself be still to look within, let yourself do nothing, let yourself find the peace you already have when you allow it. I love you dearly and am so happy we are here now! Look at what we’re witnessing. Fucking insane. Don’t worry so much. It’s scary being blind but you aren’t really blind, just turn on the light. I love you and we will figure it out together, not too long but soon feels like it may get your hopes up, in divine timing everything is soon because it is already yours. Remember my words when logic plagues your mind and soul.

Starseed Oracle

You are not alone— isolation, physical connection, community

Pages 130, 131– numbers 4, duty, responsibility and 5, change, new beginning, something you put your energy and dedication into will lead to a new beginning for you and I keep feeling yoga, like go to yoga classes where you may meet community, heal your body and mind, and you may find passion there, theres so much in this reading about yoga,

From the guidebook— “the older the soul, the deeper the cave; spending time alone helps fill your energetic resources, especially with under active root chakra or if you find it hard being human, many starseeds prefer being alone to meaningless conversation but we are not meant to go through life alone, we don’t know the energetic impacts of social media yet (immediately this makes me think you may want to look into and adjust your social media habits); this card is asking you to physically reach out to people in your life and stop isolating”

I’m telling you! I get very like powerful spiritual vibes from you, there’s a reason you chose the white heart, you have a pure and like quietly dominant and powerful energy, you may not know or feel that yet, but you do, and baby, you’re a healer, maybe along with yoga look into massage or learning reiki because something about your physical touch (head tingling and getting goosebumps) I think you heal through physical exercise, maybe yourself but you can give this to others as well, adjusting them in your classes, maybe learn physical therapy, get educated on nutrition, personal training, I feel like your counterpart will lead spirituality from the heart and mind, you lead from the physical and emotional and together you offer full body healing to people. It’s beautiful.

Work your light oracle

Immediately when shuffling I got that you need to go to a sacred space, whatever that means to you, if there is somewhere you’ve been dying to go, you need to because it’s calling you energetically for a reason.

You’re already doing it— stop overthinking (cough cough I don’t trust dreams) keep facing your true north

You are on the right path, you are doing what you are meant to, don’t worry!

#channeled message #channeled reading #soul mates

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ahundredtimesover · 3 years

Text

Inevitable (02) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. ot6)

Genre/Tags: exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK; angst, fluff, smut (18+)

Series Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption, minor character death, explicit sexual content in future chapters (oral, unprotected sex but be safe please!)

Chapter Word count: 7.2k

Summary: You convinced Jungkook to break up years ago so he could pursue his lifelong baseball dream. Now he’s back home, staring at you, and the little boy next to you who looks unmistakably like him.

A/N: So appreciative of your love for this story! I’m quite nervous with this one because I had to make changes last minute so I hope you still enjoy it. Also, you can message me if you want to be part of the taglist (or if I missed tagging you)!

Series Masterlist || Previous || Next

“Thank you again, Mr. Jeon. Quite frankly, this still feels surreal but we’re so glad you’re back.”

Jungkook bows at the man, one of the executives of the Doosan Bears, one he’d just had a meeting with, which followed an interview with a sports writer.

For the past week, Jungkook’s days have been filled with meeting and talking to many people, forcing smiles and making conversations that quite frankly tire him but he welcomes this, knowing that any beat of silence will just force his mind to settle on you. And his pain. And his anger.

The man stops him in the hallway to point at a frame of the elder Jeon holding up the team’s 1999 championship trophy.

“Hopefully you’ll have one, too, and we’ll place it right next to this,” he says, a statement that Jungkook’s been hearing in a variety of forms the past few days of interviews and appearances.

It’s different this time because his father had achieved so many things back here, a national hero if people wanted to stretch it. Here, Jungkook has to live up to expectations, which many people believe he’ll exceed. His father, a good player and an even better leader, had been loved by many in the sports world, and it’s an honor they get to watch Jungkook play in the flesh, reminiscent of the man that many adored.

In the US, they didn’t know his father, so Jungkook was able to pave his own path there, make a name for himself guided only by the thought and dream of his hero, and not living in his shadow. It’s a dream they shared and one he’d achieved.

But for the first time, it doesn’t comfort Jungkook. For the first time, it angers him. It’s that dream that took you away from him, that took Jungwon away from him. It’s this dream that essentially broke his heart in ways he never imagined.

Everyone is quiet as they absorb everything that Jungkook has said. Since that day at your apartment, he’d been radio silent when it came to his friends, but he’s here at Jin’s loft now, with Jimin whom he’s still cold towards, and Yoongi and Hoseok who complete the group, as they’re Jin’s and Namjoon’s friends from college who’d gotten close to the young ones, too.

They’re glad they finally have the time to just be together after a crazy week. Ironically, it’s a somber event. This isn’t how they imagined welcoming the young one home.

They’re incomplete though. By nature of the concern at hand, Taehyung isn’t around; he’d left the group chat anyway so he wouldn’t have known that Jungkook messaged - finally, after a week of bombarding everyone with messages about you only to stop after he stormed out of your apartment. Namjoon is also not here, still not checking their group chat.

“Wow, I can’t believe ___ was pregnant all that time and had been able to keep the kid from us for years,” Hoseok finally speaks up, shock still evident in his voice. He’d been the one most vocal in stating what everyone else was thinking, the rest opting to just shut up and leave the talking to Jungkook, who’s now allowed himself to once again feel all the emotions in the presence of his friends.

They know that very little things get to him - whether they’re external stressors, outside pressure, naysayers, envious people, or school, he’d always been able to manage them.

He rarely gets angry, too, and doesn’t really let negative feelings fester, so Jungkook with a piercing gaze, pursed lips, flared nostrils, and clenched fists, as he is right now, is an unfamiliar sight to them.

And it’s all because of you.

Jungkook never took the very few relationships he had before you seriously; he’d been too focused on the sport ever since he was a kid.

But you captured him immediately and since that day at the field when he’d thrown a baseball and almost hit Taehyung on the arm and you’d shouted at Jungkook relentlessly for being a careless jerk, he knew that he’d want to shut you up with kisses just so you could get mad at him again.

He’d been a cheeky sophomore then, enjoying the bit of popularity he was gaining in Seoul for being an immediate standout of their university’s baseball team - the Pride of Busan, he’d been called - and he hadn’t expected this beautiful woman to almost knock him out for almost hitting her friend, even if Taehyung had been adamant that the hit was several centimeters off.

“I have better aim than that,” Jungkook had told you smugly, and his heart fluttered at the gagging face you made.

He wasn’t usually that bold but he felt it was worth it, especially if it was to see you scowl then try to hide a smile after. It took a few days until you’d given him more than 5 minutes of your time, then another few weeks before you finally agreed to a date, and then just two months to convince you that he was definitely worthy to be something more.

You both knew you’d fallen in love with each other even before either of you said it, the words always catching in your throats whenever you tried, but then he finally did, and he was over the moon when you’d said it back and he’d never been happier.

Even when you walked out that door and out of his life that December evening, he��d held onto you, your lingering presence enough for you to still be his anchor, his love, his guiding light.

He never thought that at one point, he’d beg for that to not be you. Just the thought of you sends him into a spiral, not of heartbreak or despair like before, he reckons that was even better; but of the feeling of resentment and betrayal.

Everyone’s chatter faints into background noise for a while, with Jungkook’s friends saying maybe you’d come back to Seoul only recently, hearing from Namjoon that you stayed in Daejeon with your cousin to work at a tech company. It had been a mystery how none of them caught up sooner, having only seen you twice a year at most and not knowing anything else.

“Ask Jimin,” Jungkook chimes in bitterly. “He was in on it anyway.”

The three older men turn to the man in question, Jimin meeting their curious gazes with a guilty look, knowing at some point Jungkook would grill him.

“Remember that woman I dated two years ago, the teacher?” He sighs.

Everyone nods.

“I surprised her one time at the daycare center where she was working. That’s how I bumped into ___. It was pretty obvious at first glance that Jungwon is Kook’s kid. I mean,” Jimin smiles, thinking about the little boy who’s taken his heart as well, reminding him of the best parts of Jungkook that's laid dormant for years. “Wide eyes, shy smile, puffy cheeks and soft features. It was unmistakable.”

Jimin remembers that day well, how flustered you’d been, arriving at the daycare an hour late and profusely apologizing to the staff. He’d stopped you then, his shocked face enough to let you know what he was thinking as you held the boy in your arms. It didn’t take long for you to tell him the truth, begging him not to tell his best friend.

“He’s finally playing in the major league, Jimin. There are too many good things going on for him there. I mean he— he’s happy. It won’t do good for me to tell him now,” you’d told him.

Jimin could’ve pressed more, should’ve gone to the root of your decision to hide it in the first place, or maybe even convinced you to tell Jungkook the truth, but you looked too stressed, a permanent fixture on your face, he thought, and he didn’t want to push it.

So he left it at that, knowing as well that between the pressure to do well and the rumors going around, this type of news would be a big hit to Jungkook. Ultimately, Jimin didn’t think it was his place to meddle; the most he could do was support you any way he could.

“How is he, the kid?” Jin questions, knowing his cousin would want to know but is too stubborn and angry to ask.

“The sweetest,” Jimin beams. “He’s pretty shy but becomes playful once he’s warmed up to you. He’s smart, just like ___, and is so caring, he's very affectionate and even talks to insects and—“ he pauses, as Yoongi nudges his knee and motions for him to stop.

Jungkook is still, jaws clenched again at the thought that these are things he doesn’t know and for obvious reasons. Thinking about how Taehyung and Jimin have done so much more for and with his own kid hurts him.

He loves his friends, knows he should be thankful that they’d been there for you and Jungwon but he can’t shake off the frustration, the jealousy. He wonders if any other man had the privilege of getting to know his son that way, of getting close to him.

He wonders, too, if any other man had gotten close to you. That’s a pang in his chest he doesn’t want to dwell on.

“Look, I’m really sorry, Kook. But a lot of things were happening with you then, too and I didn’t want to just drop that news to you. It would have been too much and—“

“You too?” Jungkook huffs. “I fucking hate it when people think they can just decide on such things about my life without me having a say. Wouldn't that piss you off if it happened to you?”

He’s met with silence.

It’s what gets him, really, the fact that people he trusted couldn’t afford him the decency of letting him decide, of trusting him that whatever happens, he was gonna figure it out.

“Wanna know what I think?” Yoongi speaks up.

“No,” Jungkook responds.

“That was hypothetical,” Yoongi says and shifts in his seat. “We all know ___. She’s very self-assured, sometimes to a fault, but she’s not rash, she’s not selfish. She might have decided on her own but it doesn’t mean she didn’t consider you.”

“She still should’ve talked to me about it. It was too big of a decision to not include me in it,” Jungkook retorts.

“But she was right, wasn’t she? You would have stayed. She knows you too well that you would’ve given up everything.”

“Why does everyone make it sound so bad? Of course I would’ve. That’s my son! I’m not the kind of person who would turn his back on that responsibility,” Jungkook bites back.

“It isn’t bad, but that’s precisely the point. Did you ask yourself why she thought it was worth it? Why she believed that the better option was to not be truthful for as long as you got to live out your dream? For as long as you got to reap the benefits of what you’ve worked so hard for?” Yoongi posits.

Jungkook stills, lips starting to quiver as he processes his friend’s questions.

“Baseball has always been your whole world, Jungkook. She shared you with it. It was all you talked about - the dream, what it meant to you, the connection with your father, the joy you’d feel when playing and hearing the cheers… We knew that, she knew that,” Yoongi continues.

“Your dream made you, Kook. It was all you knew, and she never complained. She loved you the same. And even with all your anger towards her right now, you know she wouldn’t try to take that dream away from you. Even if it means hurting both of you in the process.”

“But she meant so much to me, too. I would’ve done anything for her, and I thought she knew that,” Jungkook whimpers. He’d never once doubted what he felt for you and he always thought it was enough.

“Yeah, but do you think that was her first thought when she found out she was pregnant? That you’d give up your dream for her without any consequences down the line? She knew you would’ve stayed because you’re the kind of person to do that, but she also knew what that would mean, what that would do to you, and what that would do to them.”

Yoongi, ever the wise one of the group, makes everyone think.

The silence is deafening, but Jungkook doesn’t miss the way the guys have taken to slight nods and furrowed brows.

“Baseball was too important to you. She probably believed you’d lose more if you didn’t take the opportunity then. Not being there for her and your son was something she maybe thought you could always make up for,” Yoongi states.

Of your brother’s friends, Yoongi had always been the one you were closest to, spent the most nights at parties with, talking and agreeing on things. This is probably why he gets it, gets why you felt like you had to do what you did.

“Kook, don’t think she never planned on telling you. She never meant to keep it a secret forever,” Jimin says, recalling your claims that you just needed the right time to eventually tell Jungkook. “Maybe that’s why you’re even more frustrated; maybe you think she never wanted to involve you. Of course she does. You were her whole world and—“

“Baseball was mine,” Jungkook finishes, resigning to the idea that that's what you always thought, and you weren’t wrong. “She thinks I’d resent them down the road if I stayed and gave up on my dream.”

“I love you, Kook, but that fear is valid,” Jin says. “I’m not saying I agree with her decision but I think I get where she’s coming from.”

“But hey, you have all the right to be angry,” Hoseok says, disrupting the silence that’s enveloped everyone again. “Just don’t be so consumed by it, okay? You’re back, you have more of a reason to stay, so just think of where you need to go from here. You have all of us, you and ___ and Jungwon have all of us.”

Jungkook wipes off the tears that have silently fallen down his cheeks, the most he’s cried in front of his friends in years. It had been a change on his end after the break up - the walls he put up, the control he had over his emotions, the once soft heart hardening in places to make sure he wouldn’t hurt as much again. He hates to admit that it had all been because of you.

Jin’s phone rings and cuts through the silence that’s tainted with short sniffles.

“Namjoon saw the chat, wonders if he could come,” Jin asks.

“No need, I’m gonna leave soon,” Jungkook responds.

Jin relays the message to Namjoon who sends his own, then finishes the call.

“He said he wants to check up on you, too. You should meet up with him, I think it’d be good. It’s Namjoon, Kook. He loves his sister to death but you know he’ll be objective about it, too. Think about it, okay?”

Jungkook nods then lets some time pass before he leaves.

He thinks about it that night until the wee hours of the morning. For the first time, he thinks about what you felt the moment you found out, about what you were feeling and thinking that led you to decide to break up, and if you really planned on making him believe that you didn’t think it’d work out to cover up the truth.

Everything the guys said tonight rings in his head. What made you think this was the better option? What made you think he’d lose more if he gave up on the dream instead of being in your and Jungwon’s life? Why did you think his dream was more important than his life with you? Why did you think he’d resent you down the road?

It’s not lost on him that his dream seemed to trump everything else. It would always go back to that, it would always be about that, how even during that life-changing moment of you finding out you were carrying his child, what you considered was him and baseball.

He recalls the days leading up to the break up, how your conversations had been about his move, but never about the two of you. He chalked it up to thinking it was a given, that of course you’d stay together. He never realized that it wasn’t actually clear to you; it had been a given to him but not to you.

Jungkook doesn’t remember fights about lack of time because of training, or him not being in the mood after a bad game. Everything you’ve ever been to him was patient, understanding, and accepting of the sport he’d dedicated his whole life to, like it was a given, like it was the most important thing, like it was the third party in your relationship. And you never complained.

He loved you for that and more, for the fighter that you were, for the strong and goal-oriented woman that you were, for the thoughtful and warm-hearted person you’ve always been. He loved you so much. He’d fallen so hard that he willingly gave you his heart and let you do whatever you wanted with it, as long you had it. Because of that, you hurt him so terribly, he didn’t know how he could recover.

He thinks now that maybe it was on him, too. Maybe he didn’t tell you enough just how much you meant to him. Maybe he could’ve done more, appreciated you more, or at least let you know that you were just as much a part of his plan the way baseball was.

Maybe then you would’ve trusted him that you two would work it out, that it would be okay if he had to let go of his dream to be the partner that you needed, to be the father you needed him to be for your child.

But maybe you both didn’t know any better, he also thinks. You were so young, maybe it was too much to ask you to trust him, maybe you were also right not to. He’d definitely grown up the past years, and maybe he wouldn’t have if you didn’t break his heart the way you did.

He thinks about how you’d been the past years, too, how you took care of Jungwon on your own, how hard it must’ve been for you. But any more and he knows he’ll break down, and he doesn’t trust himself doing that alone.

He sighs at all the thoughts in his head and his mixed emotions. But his friends are right. He’s home now - he has all the resources, the time - what matters is what happens next.

He wants to understand better, and to know what you went through but he can’t bring himself to ask you. He knows you’ll brush off the sacrifices, the struggles; you never wanted to make others see your vulnerability, know of your weakest moments. So he decides to ask someone else. It’s 4AM but he doesn’t care.

[To: Namjoon]: Can we meet up? Jin’s bar at 7pm. See you.

“Uncle Tete, I choose this one!” Jungwon excitedly says, pointing at a toy submarine on the shelf. Taehyung is quick to retrieve the item then puts it in the cart.

“Okay, what else does this muffin want?”

“Tae, I said one thing,” you sigh. “Also, can you make sure that toy doesn’t have removable parts so he doesn’t attract kind strangers to help him?”

Your best friend rolls his eyes but Jimin chuckles next to you. “___, that broken airplane brought you to Jungkook. Plus, Jungwon wandered away; imagine if some other stranger found him,” he says.

“Shut up, I’m traumatized. That wasn’t the best way to let Jungkook know. Plus, I was so flustered that I lied and said I was babysitting,” you groan to yourself. You always knew how to carry yourself but it was really only Jungkook who ever made you feel nervous.

“I made it seem like I really meant to lie and you know that’s not true. I just didn’t know he was gonna be back. And you didn’t tell me,” you glare at Jimin.

“You think I didn’t give him shit for not telling me?” He replies. “Only Jin knew. Even I didn’t think he’d actually sign with the Bears. Everything was so fast. Before I knew it, he was already boarding a plane back home.”

“Well, he did say he didn’t wanna bug you since you’ve been so busy with your show,” Tae says from the shelf next to you. “Jungwon wants this puppy towel, by the way. Can I buy it for him?”

“Tae, I said just one thing. Stop spoiling him. We’re supposed to buy his school supplies,” you whine.

“Right, his father’s gonna hate me even more,” he mumbles.

“Okay, muffin. Mama said just one thing. Let’s go look at crayons now,” Tae tells Jungwon who smiles back at him and agrees.

“How’s rehearsal by the way?” You ask Jimin.

“Good. Just a few more weeks and we’re ready to go,” he says, excited over the Swan Lake show that his company is putting on. You’re excited, too, certain he’s going to do well. Being a professional ballerina is so much work but he’s always exceeded expectations. You know it can get stressful so maybe that’s why Jungkook didn’t bother informing him earlier.

“You’re watching, okay? The first show and the last, it’s when everyone is watching, too,” he says.

“You don’t have to ask, Jimin. Of course, I’ll be there. Sucks that Jungwon won’t get to see his uncle perform though.”

“Okay, just making sure, since Jungkook is here and all.”

“You should ask him, then. He’s the one who detests me,” you sigh.

“He doesn’t detest you, ___. He’s just angry, and with reason.”

You don’t miss the stern tone of his voice. You always felt the disappointment that Jimin felt towards you with what happened, even stayed away for a while after the breakup. Moving back to your parents’ home had been a good escape, seeing as how you didn’t know how to face your friends after everything.

It wasn’t until 2 years ago when Jimin bumped into you at the daycare that you two got to talking again. You know he decided to stick around for Jungwon, but it always worried you that he’d eventually tell Jungkook but he never did, which you were thankful for.

“I never said it wasn’t justified. I mean, after last week, I hope he stays angry at me, you know? And for a long time. I deserve that.”

“Hey, don’t talk that way.”

“You think I’m wrong? That I don’t deserve his anger?”

Jimin sighs. The department store really isn’t the best place for this but he proceeds anyway.

“It’s not that. I mean, it’s one thing to hurt him by suddenly breaking up with. And I won’t lie to you, ___, you broke him. That night, I found him curled in a ball by the door, unmoving, kind of like how I used to find him when we were younger… after his dad died.”

You release a long breath, not even wanting to imagine a balled-up Jungkook, sobbing. You heard him that night, how he begged for you to please don’t go. You walked away from the closed door then, as any moment longer would’ve just made you take it back.

“But it’s also another thing to lie about his son,” Jimin continues.

“You know I had to do it; he wouldn’t have agreed to break up if I didn’t make him believe that I didn’t want him anymore. And I had to keep Jungwon from him because I couldn’t let him stay. I mean, Jungkook and I just couldn’t be together, it wasn’t that easy.“

“Weren’t there other options?” Jimin wonders. “Maybe like, I don’t know, going with him?”

He’d heard Jungkook mention in passing before about possibly asking you to go with him but he doesn’t know if his best friend ever got to ask.

No one really knows what happened that night; Jungkook never said anything more than it’s over. No explanations, no follow-ups. Three days later, he talked to the school administration and requested for an early completion of his requirements so he could leave for the US as soon as possible.

“It never really entered my mind… I mean, I got pregnant after the deal was finalized and that was not an option at all,” you explain. “It would’ve been too hard, too scary. I mean, we were still so young and to be in a foreign place, by ourselves, with a child? And we were just together for 2 years, that would’ve been a huge step and—“

“Did you doubt what he felt?”

“What do you mean?”

“You talk as if you didn’t think you were ready as a couple for that step. You two loved each other so much. He loved you so, so much, ___. Doesn’t matter how hard things would’ve been, he would’ve done everything he could to make sure you two would make it, he would’ve done whatever he needed to make you happy.”

“It’s not that simple, Jimin. He needed support there, needed someone to help him and make things easier, not someone - more like two people - to take care of and what would have I done for him? What would have I offered?”

“That wouldn’t have mattered though, right? He always wanted to make you happy, being with you would’ve been enough, I mean, he loved you that much.”

Jimin is met with silence, and it hits him what Yoongi was pointing out the night before, and it crushes him. Maybe if you knew just how much you mattered to Jungkook, maybe you would’ve trusted him, maybe you would’ve trusted the both of you.

You let out a deep sigh instead. You never doubted Jungkook’s love for you; you just knew there were other more important things, things he‘s dedicated much more time on, unlike you.

You shake the thoughts away. You know that dwelling on the what if’s won’t help your mind and your heart, especially now.

You and Jimin settle on watching Taehyung help Jungwon decide on which crayons and colored clay to choose for art class, smiling at the little boy who’s been nothing but the sweetest angel.

Your smile fades away though, at the thought of how it must be for him too, meeting all these men who always introduce themselves as his uncle, never his father.

Jungwon had asked you only twice - one time when he asked if he was made of magic because there was this older kid in the playground who said that her mommy and daddy made her but Jungwon didn’t have a daddy; the other time was more straightforward, just where is Papa.

That kind of pain is truly unmatched, you think, and you settle for telling the little kid that his Papa is somewhere doing good things but that Papa loves him even if he isn’t around. No promises, no false hope. You made the choice and your kid shouldn’t suffer too much for it - you know Jungkook would love him no matter what.

“How has Jungkook been, by the way? And I want the truth, Jimin,” you ask as you save your sad thoughts for another day.

Since you reconnected two years ago, you never really talked about Jungkook and Jimin had always made sure to only bring him up when you asked. Which was never.

Everything is now out in the open though so you think there’s no harm in asking.

“Like I said, you broke him,” he sighs. “He hasn’t really been the same. We were all so worried, that’s why Jin made sure to go with him when he left; it’s why I made sure to visit him twice a year. He just became different, you know? Like a light was put out.”

You let this process for a bit. It had been the same with you, only you had a child to remind you of Jungkook. It had been hard to get over him - you didn’t break up with him because you didn’t love him anymore, anyway; it was the opposite, in fact.

But you had to try to at least move on because at the back of your mind, you knew that things weren’t going to be the same after that. You knew Jungkook would never abandon your son, would never not love him; you are altogether a different story.

“He was doing pretty well though, wasn’t he?” You shift the discussion.

You recall having watched games for the first few years. He’d been signed to the affiliate team of the LA Dodgers and was playing in Oklahoma City. He was an immediate standout and was chosen by the major league team to play in the roster the year after. It was almost meteoric, considering that he was a foreigner and thus, largely unheard of, but he was in tip-top shape, eye-hand coordination impressive, batting skills a dream especially as a rookie, and ran like Flash that it was a nickname the locals used to call him.

“Oh, he was great. Even the man who scouted him didn’t think he would be that great. But that’s expected, I guess, if you spend every waking hour in the gym or in the batting cage, if you follow a strict and intense schedule even during the off-season, and if you have no distractions like friends or girlfriends,” Jimin explains, pointing out all the sacrifices behind the success.

“But Maia—”

“Was probably the first friend he made outside of his team. You’d expect her to be his girlfriend too, right?”

You pause at this. You knew that at some point, Jungkook would move on from you; you did make him believe you didn’t want to be with him anymore, anyway. Yet, it was still a bitter pill to swallow when you found out about his relationship. She was a model-actress, so her presence in the games would often cause a buzz.

“He just changed in a way. There were all these walls up, even from us. You took a very big piece of him, ___. I’m surprised he even got to recover. I was afraid he wasn’t gonna be able to move on from you.”

There’s a pang in your chest at the seeming finality of Jimin’s words. Of course Jungkook would move on from you, of course at one point he’d realize that things would be better without you. You just didn’t think it would hurt like this.

“That’s good for him, then.”

“Have you?”

“Yes, of course,” you say. You hope he doesn’t miss the uncertainty in your voice, that he doesn’t detect the lie.

Jungkook enters the venue and heads straight to the bar where Namjoon is already waiting.

“Scotch, please,” Jungkook calls to the bartender, earning him a remark from the older man about how even his alcoholic preference has upgraded.

“It’s smoother,” Jungkook says, fixing himself on the barstool.

There’s an air of silence between the two men that is almost uncomfortable.

It had never been like this. Namjoon is a protective brother but given that Jin is one of his good friends who’d vouched for the young man, it had been easy for Namjoon to go soft on Jungkook. He saw how much Jungkook cared for you, made you happy, and as your brother, he’ll always be grateful for that.

“How are you?” The older man asks, sipping on his Martini.

“Great. Just found out my ex-girlfriend was pregnant with our son whom I didn’t know existed until a week ago. You?”

“Not great. My parents have been calling me, asking how ___ is and how you are and if things are okay. Don’t exactly know how to break the news that things aren’t actually fine.”

“They must hate me, huh?”

“Nope. You know our parents always stayed out of our relationships. They always liked you, though. But is that what you really wanna know?”

Jungkook exhales, trying to calm himself. He had time to think things through, but facing the emotions had been difficult.

“I just wanna try to understand. I want so badly to justify what she did so I could stop being so angry. I just want to stop feeling… this,” he says, clutching his chest, lips quivering. “It hurts so bad, I just don’t want to feel this anymore.”

Namjoon weakens at the sight of Jungkook like this, desperate to feel something else other than pain, other than anger. He’d heard from Jin how it was so hard for the young man to accept losing you, and then all this? It’s a lot for one person to handle.

“She was so selfish, leaving me like that, thinking I would be okay on my own. And then I finally accepted what happened only to find out that we have a child all this time? Please, please make me understand,” he begs, eyes glassy now.

“Look,” Namjoon says, turning to Jungkook, who, even with his build, has never looked so small.

“I won’t defend her and say that I think she made the right decision. It’s just that she made the best decision she could make at that moment. She knew what was at stake and she felt that choice was the better one,” he explains, similar to what Yoongi had posited.

This is your brother who always had a good read of you and it’s the closest to your thoughts that Jungkook could get.

“She tried to comfort herself everyday by justifying what she did - that you did well, made it to the major league a year later. You did what you set out to do. And I’m sorry to bring this up but when your mother got sick, wasn’t it that you had enough to pay for it all? No debts, no added stress for her? Life was good for you and your mother. It wasn’t the best, but what if you had stayed?” He asks, the question ringing in his head.

How would things be if Jungkook stayed?

“Again, I’m not saying she was right, I’m just saying that things happened the way they did and she made a choice. Any other decision would’ve had other consequences and she made the one she could stand by, that she could live with. I mean, it was all she could do.”

Jungkook thinks about this, how he’d felt comforted, too that he was able to pay for all his mother’s medical bills when it got too much. But life wasn’t good; it was excruciating being away from you, thinking all that time that you really didn’t believe in the both of you, convinced that it wasn’t going to work out.

All he had was the love and joy he got from baseball; it had been enough for him that time. Of course, with what he knows now, it’s different.

Jungkook goes back to what Namjoon asked, about what he really wanted to know.

“Did… did she have a hard time?” Eyes pleading. “Tell me, please.”

Namjoon sighs at this, not knowing how to answer. “It wasn’t easy.”

“Don’t simplify it. I need… I need to know. I need to not feel this. I need to not be angry,” he says, voice strained.

“She won’t want your pity, Jungkook, you know her.”

“Please, Namjoon. You know she’ll never tell me. But I need to know.”

The older man lets out a deep breath, knowing that you indeed wouldn’t tell Jungkook any of this.

“She stayed with my parents in Ilsan after graduation. She was four months along then but was adamant about earning on her own so she took several jobs online. There was a lot of stress but that’s normal, I guess,” Namjoon narrates. “My parents, Taehyung, and our neighbor all took turns staying with her because she’s so stubborn, you know? Wouldn’t tell you if something’s wrong.”

Jungkook knows that all too well, that you really are like that.

“Knowing that, though, my parents had her checked every week. That’s how they determined fetal distress,” Namjoon slows down, tone more somber now. “It was early detection so they were able to perform a c-section right away.”

Jungkook turns to him, fear and worry etched on the younger man’s face. “She… she had surgery?”

“Yeah. It was pretty tough and Jungwon had to be monitored for any disabilities or delays. But yeah, he managed, she managed,” Namjoon recounts. The events are so far away but it’s like the worry and the relief still feel so real.

“The kid’s strong, Jungkook. He has a soft and sweet soul like you but he's definitely a fighter like his mother. Perfect mix, if I should say so myself,” the older man smiles, trying to turn the conversation to a lighter one.

He means it though, how Jungwon personifies the best parts of you and Jungkook.

“But they were okay after?”

“Somewhat. She was required to rest for several weeks so those two bonded like crazy,” Namjoon giggles. “Good thing that Jungwon was a quiet one, barely cried, didn’t give ___ too much of a hard time. It just… took time away from her earning, you know? So once she was capable, she took this job at a marketing firm that was way too hectic but paid well and it just… It was hard.”

“How hard?”

“Hard. Jungkook, she was a single parent. A stubborn and proud one at that. Worked over 12 hours a day, took online jobs during the weekend, took Jungwon to daycare everyday, taught him to do everything, made sure he got to play and all…” Namjoon narrates.

“It’s why my mom visited her every month for those first 2 years, why Ara and I would babysit often, why Taehyung set up a place for Jungwon at his apartment on days when ___ had an event until early morning. She only ever asked help if it was about Jungwon, never if it was about her,” Namjoon sighs, recalling how painful it had been for him as your brother to watch you do it all, never taking a break, never asking for help.

“Stubborn and proud, like you said,” Jungkook states.

“Yeah and well, she made a choice, Jungkook. She made a choice to leave you, to have this child on her own, and she made sure to give him everything while being the best parent she could be, taking on both roles for him and she never complained, not once. She just kept going, you know? Never made Jungwon feel any less or that he was a mistake or that he wasn’t loved enough. She made a decision and she stood by it. I’ll always admire her for that,” Namjoon states, holding his own emotions back.

Jungkook lets this all sink in, suddenly wishing that he was there for you, that you didn’t have to go through all that by yourself, that even with friends and family, he’s hoping you didn’t feel so alone.

He knows how you are, knows you’ll exhaust yourself before you even ask for help. That’s how he knew you truly loved him, when you would tell him you’re tired, or that you need help, whether it was something as simple as fixing your broken light bulb or using his charms to get the administration office to agree on this event proposal you had. Being open to him let him know you trusted him. Until you didn’t.

You never minded asking him, and Jungkook knows that if he’d been around, you wouldn’t have minded him helping you, making it easier for you. And it crushes him that he’d wanted to be everything you needed him to be for you and for your child but you didn’t even give him a chance.

He lets out a deep breath, the anger slowly dissipating and being replaced with longing, with a kind of sadness that he now doesn’t know how to deal with.

Namjoon picks up on this and pats him on the shoulder. “Look, I know that you’re still upset and you have the right to be. Just don’t be blinded by that. You’re home. You have a son that I’m sure you want to get to know. Four years is a lot but it’s also just 4 years. Don’t waste any more time that was already taken away from you.”

“Okay,” Jungkook says softly, knowing that it’s still going to take a lot of getting used to.

“So, what do you wanna do now?”

“Maybe meet up with her? I mean, I was yelling at her the last time we saw each other and I just want to ask to see our son.”

“Of course, Kook. I’m sure she’d want that, too.”

You’re sitting on one of the benches at the park the next day, watching Jungwon play with Namjoon and his wife, Ara, from afar. Even from here, you can make out the doe eyes of your son and his smile that reaches his eyes.

He likes the cold, just like you, and he’s been running about with his toy airplane and submarine, which he almost threw in the fountain. You’re smiling fondly, thinking of how the universe had been kind enough to bless you with the sweetest little angel that it could create.

You feel a figure settle next you, not too far away. Namjoon had told you late last night that Jungkook wanted to meet you, perhaps to ask for a workable schedule to spend time with Jungwon.

“Hey,” he says. You shiver, and you know it’s not because of the weather.

“I never got to tell you but I’m so, so sorry, Jungkook,” you say, turning to him, your eyes taking in the sight of him properly for the first time. “There’s so much I need to apologize for and I know it’s gonna take a long time for you to forgive me.”

You’re unable to rein in your feelings again, but after that first conversation with him and then the one you had with Jimin yesterday, you can’t help the guilt that you’ve been trying to temper bubble to the surface - for hurting him, for not trusting him, for not giving him a choice.

“There’s no point dwelling on what happened. It’s done. I’m here. I have time. And I’d like to spend it with Jungwon as much as possible,” he responds.

He doesn’t look at you; he just keeps his eyes out on the little boy still running about. His little boy, his son. And he can’t wait to finally hold him, get to know him, fall in love with him.

“Of course, but we need to take it slow. He’s a shy kid and it’ll take a while. Let’s follow his pace, okay?”

“Sure. We can grab lunch on Saturday, then?”

You can’t help the hope that bubbles in your chest. “That sounds good, Jungkook.”

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