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writingmeraki · 2 months

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unsaid, unkept, ugly emotions.

a seventeen vocal unit imagines !

IN WHICH, the uglier side of feeling too much getting more messier than it already is for both parties involved.

(or in which for different reasons, it just seems you aren't meant to be.)

pairing : svt!vocal!unit! x gn!reader, bestfriend!jeonghan, popular!joshua, ???jihoon, fwb(?)seokmin, enemy!seungkwan.

genre : angst, no comfort, everything is messy.

warnings : cussing, messy, heartbreak, contemplation, arguements, miserable people, miscommunication, everyone gets hurt, a lot of unspoken feelings, like emphasis on that you may get annoyed.

author's note : here's my attempt at angsty feelings ( i hope it was done well enough, really i tried but it might not be for me )<3 the potential to turn each into a fic is there but for me it'll be zero ( for now!!!!) kinda nervous to post this haha it's my first svt work but also a first of this kind of work, let me know if you want more of the units! and what you thought of this :) also peep the cute colours contrasting the fic lmao

HIP HOP UNIT VER. | PERFORMANCE UNIT VER.

word count : 2.9k

˖° ✰ ┆JEONGHAN.

The signs that something was wrong were there. For a while now. But you being the problem runner you were, you chose to ignore it.

You also knew one day they’ll catch up to you, and it seemed today was it.

“Jeonghan?”

He raised an eyebrow at you. Though it was his name, it sounded so foreign coming from you.

You who never called him by his full name. It left a sour taste on his tongue as he answered,

“Yes?”

“Do-do you think we’re good?”

Did he think you were good? He was feeling good, great even. But you asked in plural and in the plural it included you. Your relationship.

What was your relationship?

“Uhh…I’m…I think?”

You smiled at his answer. It didn’t reach your eyes, nor did it hide away the bitterness in them. “You know what I think? I don’t think we’re good. I think- I think it’s all a mess. It’s me, isn’t it? I should have never told you how I felt right?”

There. You ripped the band-aid off right from the wound. You had to, otherwise you knew your heart would be the one shattered, sooner or later, so why wait?

You knew there’d be consequences on confessing to your best friend. You knew there was always a risk to confess but the risk felt higher if it was someone you considered your best friend. A few sentences and it’s either having a stranger who you shared a past with or someone to create more memories for the rest of your time together.

The issue gets more complicated when you don’t know where you stand.

He couldn’t answer you, he didn’t know how to answer you. On one side, he wanted to yell at you. Yell at you for regretting confessing when it may have been the one thing he wanted to hear since the day thirteen year old him saw you beat up a guy who was bullying your brother.

On the other hand, he felt the fear consume him of the future, what if you broke up? You would never be the same, no matter what. He didn’t want to lose what he had, so he rather left it unanswered, thinking with time, it’ll fade away. Like everything does.

His feelings for you never did. A wonder how he could think yours would.

Taking a deep breath with your eyes shut,you nodded knowing your answer,

“Alright then I see.”

“Let’s take a break from each other.”

Break of what? You didn’t date, you were in a one-sided love scenario with your best friend.

Before he could reply, he watched you walk away. Your heart felt heavier when you didn’t hear a single word or even footsteps follow you.

His mind was the loudest and one thing he was for sure, as you walked away with each step, he could feel his heart slowly crack.

And just like that. It is over.

・₊ ‹𝟥 ┆JOSHUA.

Perhaps your biggest mistake was wanting someone who everyone wanted. But was it really your mistake because technically you were also part of everyone.

You could feel his stare burn into your side as you ate the horrible cafeteria food in your college. You could somehow hear his voice, somehow know he was likely calling you to talk.

What went wrong?

Everything you’d answer if he ever asked. It began going downhill when you felt those feelings you knew you didn’t feel around anyone. Certainly when you hung out with Yeonjun or with Jimin, you didn’t feel them.

You only felt them around him. The weird butterflies, the warm cheeks, the sweaty hands. At first you thought maybe you were actually scared of him, the intimidated type of scared. Who knew it ended up being scared of how you felt for him, how probably no one made you feel the way he did.

Finally looking up at him, you hid all your emotions as best as you could. You certainly hoped he wouldn’t be able to know.

But as your gaze fell to the girl beside him, you couldn’t hide them.

Choi Seora, the younger sister of Choi Seungcheol who was Joshua’s best friend since you could know. Well since that time he told you himself he knew the Choi siblings since they were kids. Childhood best friends. Knew them before you.

And she was also the girl who loved him. Anyone could see it from the way her eyes would look at him like the way one would at a treasure they’d been searching for. What she’d do for him, from what you’ve heard, what you’ve seen. There never was a chance.

It seemed as though the sign was already there. How could you compete with someone who knew him longer than you ever would? It’s not a competition if you already know you're losing.

Your unused hand clenched under the table, nails digging into your palms, leaving crescent marks that would bruise. Perhaps it would be in a similar state to the bruise inside your chest.

It fucking sucked when you could still feel his gaze on you as you turned back to stare at your half eaten bowl of pasta. Well, excuse of a pasta.

Suddenly you felt your phone ring from beside your bowl and you knew who it was before you even looked.Without looking at the name, you moved your hand to the switch off button and shut it off.

You wished there was such a button for emotions.

“Shua? Who are you calling?” It was empty in the cafeteria and you thought you might just puke out the pasta when you heard her sweetly call out to him as she looked at him with concern.

But for now, you’d do what seemed right.

Leaving your bowl of uneaten pasta, you grabbed your bag and phone. With one glance at Joshua whose attention was on you but now turned back to Seungcheol and Seora as they said something, you walked away.

The last thing Joshua heard was the sound of the cafe doors closing and when he turned his attention back to what or specifically the one who had been in his mind since the first time he met, he found you were gone.

At that moment, Hong Joshua felt more miserable than he ever did before.

₊✧ ┆JIHOON.

The lump in your throat got bigger as your vision got blurrier. You knew you should have listened to your friends.

Jihoon isn’t the type of person to be in a relationship with, babes, he doesn’t want that commitment stuff.

It’s what Karina had told you when you told her you were in love with him. Head over heels type.

But when it came to you, the determined type, the one who stood their place no matter what. The unwavering pebble in the ever-so drifting waves of the ocean. You believed that perhaps if you tried hard enough, surely the boy would see your efforts.

It wasn’t just a one-sided thing you knew. Otherwise another thing he was known for was being honest. If he didn’t like it, you were sure you’d have stopped. You didn’t think you were insane for thinking he may just like when you saw him smile at you for bringing him coffee. You didn’t think you were insane for thinking he may just reciprocate your feelings when you saw him hiding his face from complementing his work ethics. Perhaps, it was all in your lovesickness you drew these conclusions and many others.

So where did you mess up?

“Fucking hell! Just leave me alone and stop acting like a clingy partner!”

That’s what it got you. It was as though the words slapped you in the face. You surely did feel like it when you flinched taking a step back and your cheeks warmed in a mix of embarrassment as well as hurt. It wasn’t the kind of warmth that pleased you, it was the kind that burned you. Harshly so you felt it in your entire body.

Maybe it was your fault after all, you noticed he was having a bad day and you made the effort to go and comfort him. As you did.

Maybe maybe maybe, always maybe your fault and always yours.

Maybe you should listen to him then.

Inhaling with what dignity you had left, picking up the pieces of your heart that seemed shattered the minute he finished the sentence, you glared at him and spat out words laced with an equally venomous tone.

“Fine then! You’re saying it's my fault but you know what, maybe everyone is bloody right about you! You’re nothing but a coward scared of commitment!”

“The day you’ll realize you’re nothing but a coward who gets scared at the mere thought of being in a relationship and pushes someone away because maybe there is a chance you like them, it’ll be too fucking late because guess what? I’m tired of this stupid push and pull game with you,Jihoon.”

“Goodbye.”

You hated how your voice cracked when you finished speaking. You hated how you could not stop the tears. You especially hated the look on his face as he saw what he did, what his words did.

With what energy you had left in you, you turned around and walked away.

Enough was enough, you couldn’t win over someone’s heart who wasn’t even sure whose hands it should lay in.

Yet one thing was sure, yours laid in his hands and right then, you sure felt like he crashed it into pieces.

♡₊˚ ┆ SEOKMIN.

Seokmin glowed like the moon solely rose up to soak in his light, like the stars twinkled off his radiance. Maybe,you just got too close to the sun, enchanted with its brightness, to not realize just how much it could burn you. He was your sun. No actually the sun,stars, moon whatever celestial body existed perhaps dimmed down compared to him.

You think it messed you up completely when you kissed him in that truth or dare game surrounded by your mutual friends. You think about the stolen kisses, never more, just kisses in between the times you’d pass by in the hallways, pulling him in a cramped space and leaving with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Again, just kissing.

Simply put, you were addicted to him. To the way he made you feel. To the way he made you tingle when he kissed you so gently.

You didn’t want to address the elephant in the room. Or in this case,

What were you two?

Mingyu asked when you were sitting down in the same circle, just like the first time you’d kissed each other, with the same people.

You hesitated and then said, uncharacteristically enthusiasm lacing your voice,

“Friends of course! Don't be ridiculous Gyu.”

You didn’t like that word, and it seemed he didn’t either as he looked away,gulping in distaste and a scoff on his face that was usually unnatural for the sunshine like a boy. Seemingly going unnoticed by you but said boy who asked the question noticed and glanced back at you to see if you noticed. He sighed when he saw you not looking at Seokmin but raised an eyebrow as he saw you in a dilemma.

Right. Friends. Friends who kiss. But still friends…friends?

You tried convincing yourself the rest of that day that adding a label would ruin things. It always does. You should enjoy it while you can, right? It was all in fun?

So why did you feel terribly down when Seokmin refused to talk to you for the rest of the day?

“Seok?” You asked gently and he sighed exhaustingly as he looked at you,

“Please, please don’t…don’t call me that.”

The look of hurt on your face made him hate himself more because why would anyone like to hurt someone they loved?

Before you opened your mouth to speak, he continued,

“I don't think I can do this anymore, this…whatever this is. I am…sorry.”

And without a chance to ask more questions or give any answers, he turned around and walked away.

This was your fault. You hurt him because you couldn’t admit it to yourself that you…that you loved him.

You loved him more than the universe, you loved him since the day you saw him. You were just scared you'll lose him like the way you lose all your loved ones. You were scared of risks. You were…a coward.

And now it seemed, it was too late to do anything about it.

⠂୨୧ ˚.┆SEUNGKWAN.

Seungkwan and you were fire and water. Milk and lemons. Politicians and caring for the country’s people- Okay too far perhaps and enough of these metaphors of incompatibility to get a point.

You were sworn enemies. Despised each other in the true forms of hate. You hated him so much for the emotions he rose in you that you couldn’t stand him ruining another poor innocent soul with his devious eyes and cunning smile.

Which was exactly what he was doing with the girl wrapped around his left arm, additionally whispering probably lame jokes that made her giggle as though they were the funniest thing on earth. Lee Yuna was her name, you knew her as a cheerleader due to seeing her during your basketball games and also being somewhat acquainted because as a captain, it was apparently in your duty to know everyone especially those involved in the sports sector of your university.

You wish you could cross off knowing Seungkwan but alas, being the midfielder of the boys’ soccer team and the apparent star as well didn’t help in your case.

“I smell something burning and oh! Would you look at that! It’s an ugly green color too!” Sakura said as she smirked at you, pretending to take a sip of her drink when you directed your glare at her.

“Fuck. You.”

“You wish-”

“Oh! hey cap!” A voice said before you could retort to Sakura and you turned to see Vernon smiling at you in greeting. You knew him, of course you knew all of Seungkwan’s little friend group. You frowned at him eyeing him in suspicion. He was Seungkwan’s friend after all.

“Why the frown?” Sakura snorted as he asked you,his attention going to your best friend before she pointed at him and it was as if he understood and nodded.

“Ohhh, I see what’s the matter now.”

“Someone’s” Coughing very fakely, he added, “Jealous.”

Shutting your eyes, you looked at him with a glare enough to make him shut up on his own but still you added,

“Say that again and I’ll-”

“Already giving death threats huh? Maybe you should really go check up on that stick up your ass.” Of fucking course, now is when he decided to show up.

As though his eyes had not been searching for you the moment he stepped in the party. As though he hadn’t noticed you the moment you did. As though it wasn’t just an elaborate plan to rile you up.

You looked at him and fuck. Fuck he made you so angry with how fucking good he looked despite the conditions of the party. His blonde hair shining in the colorful lights and the darn smirk on his face.

“Kwan. How nice of you to show up! Just the person I was waiting for!” Your sarcasm could be sensed by those around, Sakura’s attempt at hiding her snort and Vernon’s brows raised not going unnoticed. They looked at each other briefly and a knowing look was exchanged.

Here we go again.

“Aw you were waiting for me darling?Hope I wasn’t too late, just got a little busy you see?”

“Clearly.” You said before thinking, the scowl on your face visible and the smugness on his face only grew larger.

“Not fond of me with someone else?” You didn’t even notice how both Vernon and Sakura had left, seemingly only Seungkwan and you, in the midst of drunk teenagers and perhaps lovesick ones, perhaps loners.

He got closer, closer that made you clench your hands that hung on your sides, leaning down.

“Not fond of me with anyone but you?”

It was as though his voice put you in a trance, or maybe it was how his warm breath tickled your neck. And for the first time in a while you thought of what he said, deeper than you would have ever.

You weren’t sure if you liked the answer. Or what it exactly implied too.

“Stay in your limits Kwan. Don’t fucking- don’t play this shit with me.” You pushed him away as harshly as you could, even if it felt like your hands burned when you thought of what you did. Purposefully ignoring the look in his eyes. Visible hurt and a frown on his face, you turned around, having enough.

“Don’t come after me. Stay with Yuna or whoever, I don’t fucking care.” You don’t know why you said the last sentence. You also don’t want to know why it felt bitter saying it.

With that, you began to walk out, gulping the fresh air that was much needed after being in that suffocating place, suffocating feelings.

As you shut your eyes, you gulped thinking of what you were doing. Why were you so pissed off?

And maybe you realized, you needed to check on the line that was drawn between Seungkwan and you. Perhaps it’s become too blurry to distinguish it from hatred and love.

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

feedback is always appreciated 💌

links : main navi ! | svt masterlist !

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fallenrocket · 6 months

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cw: suicide

Something I felt about this show after season 1 (and Good Omens after season 2) is how OTPs get broken up/pulled apart all the time, but it's often for the flimsiest of reasons. Stupid miscommunications, dumb fights about trivial shit, unexpected job offers in different countries, and so on and so on. It's so rare to see an on-again-off-again breakup that feels like it's about something.

But that's just what we got with OFMD and GO. On these shows, the breaks matter. They feel inevitable, because they're so rooted in who both characters are as people. Even as you yell at your screen for them to avoid the train wreck, you know that this couldn't have gone any other way.

Hi, "Man of Fire."

Obviously, I don't want to see Stede and Ed making these mistakes with each other, but as much as I hate them hurting themselves and each other, I love they're they're so complex and messy, that they're dumbasses with their feelings.

And more than that, I get it. It makes too much sense. It's "Act of Grace" all over again, because they're still not saying the things they really need to. Even as they've been opening up, they've been staying in the shallow waters of what they're really going through.

"You shaved your bead off, for me," not You gave up being Blackbeard, everything you are, for me, and I didn't think I was worth it. "I'm sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much," not I let you see what was under the persona I've been trapped in for years, and you didn't want it.

"Here's the news, I'm leaving," not I have to escape being Blackbeard because I buried myself in it until I wanted to die, but I can't ask you to come with me because what will I do if you reject me again? "You're a coward," not I know this move. I've done this move. Please just talk to me instead of running, because I know how much I wrecked things when I ran.

In this episode, Ed tells Stede about his mermaid vision, but not about why he needed a mermaid in the first place. Stede tells Ed about the letters he wrote, but not about what he left out of the letters, not about the fears he only told Ed's wanted poster.

It bugged me earlier in the season when characters seemed to giving simplified explanations for complicated issues--Stede left because he was scared, Ed 'went mad' after Stede left--but now I'm hoping those omissions have been intentional. Given all that's been left unsaid between these two, of course they have a big fight after having sex at absolutely the wrong time, and of course neither really understands what's been going through the other's head.

But when the break matters, the reconciliation stands to be so much better. We already saw this once across "Fun and Games" and "The Curse of the Seafaring Life," and now, hopefully, we're going to get it again in the finale, but even better.

But all that said, please tell me the show has gotten all its gentlebeard breakups out of its system. Whether season 3 finds them as pirates, innkeepers, or something else, I want them to spend the whole season doing it together.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #our flag means death #edward teach #stede bonnet #fallenrocket

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nyaagolor · 7 months

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what do you think of Carmine and Kieran so far? My stance is that even though neither of them are abusive and do care deeply about each other (and seeing people say they are abusive, especially about Carmine, makes me really sad), I do think that their relationship is definitely NOT a "normal sibling relationship" and both of them do have a bunch of Capital I Issues. But them having Capital I Issues that complicate their relationship while still caring (which FURTHER complicates things) and not being bad people at all is what make them so interesting to me and it's a vicious cycle I LOVE VICIOUS CYCLES OF MISCOMMUNICATION AND MESSY RELATIONSHIPS!!! I'm so normal (lying)

absolutely adore them, Pokemon has really filled this game to the absolute brim with characters who 1. Behave like real people 2. Have actual personalities with arcs that don't act like complete archetypes. God fucking Bless.

The general reaction to the DLC tho has surprised me in the worst way possible. The characters in these games are significantly better written than any pokemon characters in the past but ultimately, they are still pokemon characters. Most of their personality traits are made abundantly and explicitly clear to the audience by the story's end. There is not much digging you really have to do here

And yet! I'm sitting here watching Carmine's reception and thinking back to Nemona, because both of them have a pretty clearly defined personality that I really didn't think were possible to misinterpret. Despite the fact that they are laughably easy characters to understand on a fundamental level people STILL have managed to mischaracterize them to the point of consistently putting discourse on my dash about it. "Carmine is abusive" Carmine is like 15. She is a teenage girl with a younger brother. This is how teenagers behave, especially insecure ones like Carmine is implied to be. She overcompensates and is kind of rude like 3 times and lets her caring nature slip constantly because she feels things extremely strongly. She gets really worked up over everything Because She Is A Teenager. I don't understand why this is difficult

I'm not even sure I would go as far as to say Carmine has Capital I Issues (tho that's a lil subjective, ymmv?) because everything just kinda feels like pretty typical teenager stuff? Like yeah she has issues but they're pretty much exactly what happened to like half the people I knew in high school. And honestly I adore that, it resonates with a lot of people and feels like a good representation of actual teenagers and their problems. It's not especially grandiose but it IS real. Her and Kieran's relationship having strain because they are both kids figuring out how to deal with each other and their emotions is a dope conflict to display in a pokemon game and I think fits in with the more grounded arcs and conflicts we've seen in the base game. It's nice

Kieran's fucked in the head tho idk what that bitch's problems are but I wanna watch him lose it. it'll be funny as hell. I hope his relationship with Carmine gets better but I want it to get worse first

#mod vex #ask #sorry this got long #i need people to be normal #please god.

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apollo-cackling · 9 months

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🔥 is it cheating to give 3 options? anyways: sff, she-ra, or hollow knight?

oh, not at all I love rambling about things

Hollow Knight

idc how lore compliant or noncompliant it is, Hornet is transfem (transed her gender from genderless to female). to me.

She-Ra:

I think folks tend to make adora a little too perfect within catradora's dynamic lol it makes her less interesting like don't get me wrong I love her but for example let's take Taking Control (because it's the one where she's the most in the wrong)

ever since Corridors, adora is fixated on getting catra back to the extent that she forgets to consider the 'after' (sort of "if I can just rescue catra from Horde Prime [then everything will be as it used to be]", where 'as it used to be' is some version of perfect that exists only in adora's head and was never real), so when confronted with the messy aftermath (catra's reaction), adora reacts really badly. the resolution of their conflict that episode isn't as much catra asking for forgiveness as adora letting go of the idea of "perfect" in her head and taking a step back, and catra being given the space to figure out what she wants, and bridging the gap.

(pretty sure I wrote a post sometime ago about how Taking Control parallels Stranded that talks about this in more detail, but from my memory it's pretty bad lol so)

+ what I've said about the miscommunication in Promise. (the posts are from a few years ago but still mostly hold up)

like a lot of the actively fucking up is done by my beloved failgirl catra, but adora's not a passive agent. she has her own issues that conflict badly with both her feelings for catra and catra's issues (very clearly seen in Promise where the crystal castle plays them against each other)

SFF:

see, I have a bunch of opinions about SFF that's probably objectively unpopular, but if I say them on tumblr I'd probably get accused of saying anodyne things to clout-chase /j

(for example "I wish SFF, especially the ones with a focus on worldbuilding, would show more trans and/or nonbinary people bc a lot of them are rather fixated on gender, and it would've been soooooo interesting to see trans folks in there")

hm... here, have a few. one of these's got to be unpopular right

I don't think parts of a story being one dimensional/simplified is inherently bad I think the issue moreso comes from story elements with differing levels of simplification interfacing with each other. so for example I don't mind the Horde under Horde Prime being an evil empire that is evil bc it's the same level of abstracted and symbolic as everything else in She-Ra, but I hated the Liao Kingdom in Y u w u bc Y u w u at least nominally tries to flesh out a complex political system and to tell a story about a corrupt system, so any time the Liao Kingdom enters the story it acts as this vortex sucking out any and all potential complexity

a lot of the posts you see floating around talking about SFF books as a whole are clearly by folks whose only interaction with the genre is close to only LotR and GoT, likely not even the books but only the movies/show

a lot of the time, when folks here refer to GRRM, it feels like they're really invoking an idea of grimdarkness than anything to do with his work, I assume due to the show. like take the often mocked "what's Aragorn's tax policy" line. folks take it as meaninglessly pedantic when, if I'm remembering this correctly, GRRM's point is that a king being kindhearted and good doesn't always translates to that king being good at governing. shrug folks usually use it as a starting point to make good posts but yk. feels a bit unfair to the guy

in general, I have a rule of thumb that if something is often labelled grimdark but still has lingering popularity, it isn't actually grimdark (or specifically, 'grimdark as it exists in the popular consciousness'). it's worked more often than it didn't (malazan, berserk)

fantasy is watercolour. I have no justification for this but it just feels like fantasy should be drawn/animated in watercolour

#no idea if the she-ra bit makes sense at all ask me to elaborate if it doesn't #my rambles #thanks for the ask!#ask game #ask #spop #hollow knight #books #got excited and talked about all of them lol #there is no consistency to what I capitalise it's completely based on what I find aesthetically pleasing <3 #also I'm self censoring y u w u bc I don't want it to appear in tags #mutuals!

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tineteenieworld3 · 1 year

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Since today I’m in my loving Mike Wheeler era, I’m still irked by the idea that Jonathan would corner Mike and defend Will. I personally just don’t like it cause, again, if I was Mike I’d be so peeved off about it. Idk why.

Maybe it’s cause Jonathan has known Mike since he was 5 years old. Like, he’s obviously seen Mike not make the best choices, but he’s also seen Mike make many many many great choices. Like the van scene, Mike was so sweet while Will was talking and absolutely adored the painting. I don’t think Jonathan is sitting there thinking Mike is dumb or something. It’s possible they both saw Will crying and understood, since he turned away, that he didn’t want attention brought to it.

Also, we know he watched Will and Mike talk in his room. He saw how sweet they were being with each other. We focus on the mistakes Mike has made, but forget that he has a billion more good moments than bad. Also, Will and Mike are WillandMike they are extremely close. They don’t need anyone getting involved in their relationship. That’s what makes them so mature and different than El/Mike. We see other characters giving so much input into that relationship, like almost every character does. That’s what makes it feel so messy and immature (one of the things.

With Will and Mike it’s the complete opposite. the fight they have in season 3? Mike doesn’t need any prompting to go after Will, check on him, and apologize. We don’t see even a second of Lucas questioning it or wondering what happened or having him and Mike talking about it.

Season 4, almost the same exact thing. Mike goes to Will and apologizes and (very beautifully may I add) expresses his feelings perfectly as to why he’s sorry and why Will is important to him. I love their relationship for many reasons, but I’ve always appreciated how intimate and private it is. It’s no one else’s business that they fight or have miscommunication or other issues. Will doesn’t need someone to defend is honor from Mike, he can either do it himself or Mike will reach out and they’ll talk.

I’m probably talking about my ass lmao, but what I’m saying is basically what I said in an earlier post that Will isn’t a baby that needs protecting and he would be livid if anyone was going around saying, ‘you chose Mike? Really?’ or that he can do better. Mike is his best friend above anything else and that’s straight up mean. Again, no hate to people who do that or write that, it’s all for fun and everyone is allowed to do whatever they want absolutely this is not me bashing that I support you. I mean in actual canon I don’t think it would happen or I hope it won’t.

Jonathan has no right cornering Mike or getting up in his business or Will’s business. He also probably cares a lot about both of them and obviously knows Mike isn’t some dick that’s hurting anyone on purpose. What I’m saying is that I think it’s so special that Mike and Will have such privacy in their relationship because of how much they respect eachother and handle issues without outside input.

(Disclaimer, if you DO like the idea of Jonathan stepping in I completely support your opinion 100% and don’t think it’s wrong or stupid whatsoever, this is all for fun and I am all here for people disagreeing with me because my opinion is just an opinion and not fact or the right answer. I am not saying you’re misunderstanding the characters or anything like that, this is just something I think)

#byler #love everyone’s takes on this tho #I’m here for whatever you like no hate ever

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alaynestone · 2 years

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hey vicky happy wincest wednesday -- this is a thing I am unilaterally starting to get some kind of conversation happening in this fandom -- so, random wincest quesion: if Dean's done sex work, do you like Sam to find out? If so, when do you think is an interesting time for that?

💗💗💗💗💗

hi liz! that's an excellent idea, though i'm a day late and it's thursday now.

for me, sex worker dean is one of those set in stone headcanons that i'm unable to separate from my understanding of his character in canon. i think it informs and complements so many of his issues and attitudes about sex and his perception of his body as a tool. frankly, every time someone tries to argue against it it only ends up reinforcing my belief in it. no, he wouldn't have better options, he wouldn't believe he's "too good for it", his clientele would not consist of milfs because women do not buy sex to the extent that men do and he'd have no way of meeting rich housewives on the road. plus, i see that last argument as an attempt to sanitize the kind of sex work a kid like dean would have to do and present the dynamics involved as less predatory. i have no interest in that.

unfortunately, i think he was exposed to predatory men early and that being dean, he'd have learned to embrace it early. if he's gonna be stared at or propositioned or threatened he might as well get back control and make some money off it. he's always looked directly at the things that scared him and tried his best to be brave and say i'm comfortable here, i have agency here. it's one of the most admirable yet heartbreaking things about him.

and while i've read and liked fics where he's only resorted to this once or twice, i don't tend to find it particularly realistic as an interpretation of canon dean. i think he started early and got good at it and learned how to hide it. i definitely think he's still actively doing that in the first seasons.

so keeping all that in mind, i generally tend to headcanon that sam found out pretty early but suspected even earlier and just wasn't ready to confront it directly. it would fit right into s1/s2 and the theme of sam getting to know his brother better as an adult and discovering new things about him or things that he had viewed differently as a teenager.

preseries up until s3 is also the time period where this discovery would cause the messiest reaction from sam and i love messiness and miscommunication when it comes to these two. i love knowing that his anger is not in fact directed at dean but at john/himself/the world, but that his guilt and protective feelings have no way of coming out pretty at this point. i love them navigating all that and coming to an understanding.

by s4/5 they have bigger issues and secrets to discover about each other so i tend to think sam knows about the rest by the time the apocalypse happens. from s6 to s15, they've been through hell and back for each other and with each other, so that's when i tend to think sam's reaction to finding out about this aspect of dean's past would be more mature. that's something you pulled off really well in "pragmatics" and that version of sam with his quiet acceptance has its own appeal and is generally really lovely to read about.

tl;dr sam finding out about dean and sex work is one of my favorite tropes and i think that there are many different ways to make it new and interesting but for maximum drama i tend to prefer this happening in the first 3 seasons.

#zmediaoutlet #wincest #supernatural #whatever this is #csa//

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unravelingthepages · 2 years

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To Get to the Other Side- Book Review

Hi! To Get to the Other Side by Kelly Ohlert is a read I don’t know how to feel about. It was a really great read after the first 20% and I felt so happy for the characters at the end!! But I also had quite a few criticisms with it. So here’s my messy review, I personally give this book 3.5 stars!

The Plot

Trixie isn’t sure what she was thinking when she stopped her car in the middle of downtown Chicago, scooped up a chicken, and drove off… but she does know that she has to find a new home for herself and her new feathered friend, considering her current apartment doesn’t allow pets.

Bear likes his quiet life with his close-knit family, but he’s in for a rude awakening when his meddlesome sisters post an ad to rent the spare room in his home, without asking him. Still, when Trixie responds to the ad, he agrees to let her move in, despite immediate worries.

Determined to befriend Bear, and give her rescue chicken the care she deserves, Trixie fights to keep her walls up and resist her feelings for Bear. But it’s not long before the pair’s proximity and chicken parenting ignite flames that have them testing the boundaries of their platonic ground rules.

Book Review-

Things I loved about the story-

The easy writing style. I flew through the story in one sitting!

I loved that Bree and Bear were well-fleshed out characters and I especially loved Bear’s family as characters.

It was definitely refreshing to see Bear as an understanding and compassionate human in general and I loved the lack of misunderstandings and miscommunication. Angst is great but drawn-out miscommunication just isn’t it.

The niece and the chicken!! They made the story for me. This is a very character-driven story so it makes sense that I would love a lot of the characters.

Now a few things that didn’t sit very well with me. 1) The insta-attraction. The trope works great when done well but- I mean Bree is showering (a normal human thing to do) and you’re sitting out fantasizing about her and saying it’s pure torture??

2) That neither of them went to therapy or worked out their trauma properly. I loved that they both had issues since it made them more tangible as characters but.. there was absolutely no importance given to it after they worked out their relationship.

3) The starting was a bit slow. The concept of the story, while great, could have been executed better.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for my free e-ARC of this read in exchange for my honest review.

purchase this read: https://amzn.to/3DFiU9Z [this is an associate link]

did it hurt?? when you realized that you can never go back in time and fall in love with reading all over again???

#blog #book blog #book blogger #book recommendations #book review #book reviews #reading #romance books #NetGalley #bibliophile #bookworm #booklr #bookblr #bookcommunity

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kirascottage · 3 years

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dating jj maybank

jj maybank x gender neutral. reader

word count: 1.8k

cw: headcanons, overall domestic fluff, angst if you squint till ur visions blurry, mentions of poor emotional expression, mentions of sex / sexual innuendos, mentions of fighting / injury, strong pda, kissing, consensual groping, swearing, soft!jj

okay so this is the first time i’ve ever written dating headcanons so i’m gonna try my best

• jj and expressing emotions are a very complicated duo and almost everyone knows it, including you. he knows how he feels for you, and feels it strongly, but the way it comes out of his mouth is like gibberish and completely not understandable.

“so you know — like — i don’t know, man. i feel heavy for you, like do you feel heavy for me, too?”

“jj, i don’t even know what heavy means in this context and what you’re referring to.”

• but he comes from a good place, and you come to know, learn and love that, because well he loves you, and with jj you just have to infer by his mess of words.

• this boy tries to be as romantic as possible but he’s literally never had a s/o before. the only thing he knows are one nighters so there is a lot that pope and john b advise him on because miscommunication is quite literally the worst. (stated by john b himself)

• for this instance and the sake of the headcanons: you are a member of the pogues, through and through.

• so most of the time you’re together, the pogues are there too. even dates. they love to occupy and jj could shout at the top of his lungs how they are the biggest cock-blockers to ever exist and they would not care.

• so at that point he doesn’t even try to keep his hands to himself, he will touch you or quite literally make out with you in front of anyone and everyone he can.

• i mean he can get a little protective. (also considering he would never let you around his dad because he wants to protect you and would never let you near anyone that could hurt you)

• i mean this guy would fight for you till the very end; punches thrown countless of times and harsh words absolutely shouted more times than you could count on your fingers, but no matter how many times you chastise jj, he would never stop to defend your honour because at the end of the night you’re the one playing with his hair and kissing his cuts and bruises.

• especially after everything as well with rafe, topper and the kooks he just wants everyone (including the tourons you see once a millennium) to know that you and him are romantically involved and you are very much taken.

• he even lets the most irrelevant people know the both of you are dating because he loves you that much:

“okay, babe, here me out—”

“jj a whole group of kids just asked me about our relationship! i love you, but the whole population does not need to know that we’re together.”

“obviously we can't tell the whole population! or I would, duh.”

• even though he could blabber on about everything about you, including what shampoo you use and which perfume of yours is his favourite, affection is more his style:

• this includes walking around with his hand in your back pocket because wearing anything but jean shorts is really not an option in that heat, (and this does include ass grabbing at every opportunity he can)—

• — his hand gently placed on your thigh while driving / while he’s next to you, interlocking pinkies 98% of the time as you walk together —

• — and peppering kisses is always happening. whether they’re ticking at your checks, suffocating your neck or affectionately placed on your forehead he’s always kissing you.

• other key, and essential, things that come to mind are that his arm is always around you; after everything that’s happened to him he just needs to physically know you’re there and that’s enough to subdue him.

• it’s almost routine for him arm to go around your waist or your shoulder, whether you’re tall or short, tbh he doesn’t really care, his arms and lips are always on you.

• dating jj is dating a teenage boy with absolutely no impulse control and zero control over what he says—

“I mean, dude, if you think about it, why isn’t a banana called a yellow if an orange is called an orange? and why are phones called ‘telephones’ like who the fuck came up with that crap?”

“i mean, hey, we could bang out here and it’s not like anyone would know. like jb could be out in the living room and be like clueless.”

“jj, there’s two windows pointing directly at us. i think he would know.”

• —if you don’t understand then he definitely does not either.

• you also flip each other off a lot and people are like ??? but you both are like — fuck you —(affectionate & full of love with my middle fingers)

• one thing he does know is how to flatter you, whether he’s obnoxiously winking at you or bringing you flowers with his tips from work, or he picked them himself, it’s all in the effort.

• any effort from you is like kids getting their favourite toy they’ve been wanting on christmas, for instance: anytime you bring him food, or offer to stay with him at john b’s is like swelling up his heart to the maximum.

• so when he’s not with you, or the pogues, which is rare he is outside. and jj is like diego the explorer he always finds little places just for himself, or for this instance with you.

• so a lot of dates include going to these secluded spots: sometimes it’s a picnic, or a walk, and stargazing is his absolute favourite as he listens to you drone on about the constellations and even just watching the sky with your presence next to him is so comforting and makes him feel safe.

• of course when the pogues find out they’re brutal with their teasing.

“awww, look at the cute and happy couple!”

“my wittle babies, growing up so fast.”

“god, kie, you make it sound like we’re five?!”

• speaking of alone time, jj loves to cuddle when you guys are alone and that’s one thing he’s not fond of being teased about.

• his head is firm on your chest, his arms wrapped around your waist and his leg flung over your hips. to him it’s just a perfect way to start and end the day.

• he also loves to watch movies while cuddling and he has a set of movies and their genres completely memorized for the occasion.

• he has such a good memory to the weirdest things. like he can state in the exact order your makeup routine, or talk about all the caves and sinkholes in yukatan but ask him how many states there are in america and he’s completely bummed.

• back to what i was saying, cuddling and movie times together.

• he’s the little spoon i will not argue with anyone about this, especially if something happened that day.

• like if rafe pissed him off, some kooks stepped on his toes, his dad had been particularly agitated that day or he was just frustrated. your embrace is what keeps his together. he just loves the feeling of your arms around him, essentially protecting him.

• and the pogues always get a kick out of it when they see you too snuggled in the morning. they even take pictures, a lot of pictures of everything and anything they can.

• their fav times to take pictures is when you both are off guard: like when he’s putting his hat on you, he’s sharing his juul with you, you guys are laying together on the boat or maybe your surfing together in the water.

• he’s surprisingly intimate about everything even though they’re such mundane things for him.

• he expresses his love for you by actions rather than words. for example, he has a guitar (an absolutely beat up one with missing strings and chipped wood, but he says it has more character that way as well as your signature on the back of it)—

• —and just strums it for you absolutely whenever and however your mood is because no matter what its always calming. sometimes he even hums a little tune or starts singing a bit.

• another few ways he depicts his love for you is by shoving his baseball hat on your head (the one that absolutely nobody is allowed to wear) because he doesn’t want you frying in the sun or dying of heatstroke.

• a lot of his tank tops are now yours because they’re so comfortable and you can wear them literally anywhere.

• he shares, only with you but, he shares. his rings are on your fingers, his bandana is around your neck, his boxers are your sleep shorts, and he absolutely eats that shit up.

• he also gets extremely comfortable with you, like even more than john b in a way. example: you could just be chilling, his arm wrapped around your neck and — boom — he’s shoving your face in his armpit and trying to tickle you.

• it gets to the point where the pogues are so used to it and sometimes even they join in because they even like being included in on your affections but would absolutely rather drown than admit it. they love watching their two best friends love grow for each other, and they're happy jj has found sanctuary to love and be with someone freely.

• speaking of love, jj is also like a puppy: praise, reassurance and kisses are the way to his heart and staying there.

• i’m gonna say it, jj has self confidence and love issues. they are not detectable at all but with his mother gone and the way his father treated him, there’s shit buried in his heart that it takes awhile for him to open up about.

• once he does: he cries, and he cried a lot. but after that it was like never letting go again. he trusts you with his whole heart and soul and he knows you won’t take advantage of that.

• the way you both accept each other into each others lives is so important to him no matter where you live, who you are and what your family is like everything counts for him and that just makes you the person who you are.

• dating jj can be complicated and messy and wonderful and passionate and relationships aren’t easy but he would def be worth it <3

#jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x plus size reader #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fic #jj maybank hc #jj maybank headcanon #outerbanks fic #outerbanks smut #outerbanks fanfiction #outer banks

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emsylcatac · 3 years

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I guess, for me, the reason I feel like everything for Chat is always about his romantic feelings, is that last shot - Ladybug reflected in his eyes. She is literally his whole world. I *guess* you could argue that doesn't have to be romantic, but realistically, that sort of imagery in tv/movies is always romantic. So while at this stage of the season, I'm not expecting any sort of fallout or confrontation because everything is still building, like you said, I still feel like this episode was laying the groundwork for how Chat's going to react in the future - he's not going to be upset about the unfair (and arguably accidentally cruel) way he's been treated. He's not even going to be upset about potentially losing someone he cares about, feelings that are compounded by his neglectful and abusive upbringing that make him cling to the people he cares about. His pain is going to be because he loves Ladybug and she doesn't love him (that way) and he doesn't want to lose her.

I would like that final scene IF that last shot didn't exist, because then I could theorise all the other things it was about. But with that final shot the way it is, it reframes the entire scene as being romantic and only romantic.

I really HOPE I'm wrong, but that tends to be the way the writers have treated Chat's feelings in the past - his love for Ladybug is the only thing that really matters. Ladybug is the main character and Chair Noir is the main love interest. He gets more plot significance outside of that through his parents and their connection to the plot, but even in Chat Blanc, they still have Chat reframe everything that's happened to be about his feelings for Ladybug. '[Their] love destroyed the world.' No... His love for Ladybug had nothing to do with why he was akumatized. You could argue that his powers backfiring the way they do was because he loved Ladybug too much to hurt her, so he tried to turn them on himself, but still. The MAIN point of that episode SHOULD have been about the way his father had hurt him, but it still gets reframed to be about his feelings for Ladybug.

I guess that's my point - if given the chance, the writers ALWAYS reframe everything in Chat's life to be about loving Ladybug. We the fandom can write all the meta we want and psychoanalyse WHY that might be the case, and I love that, but within the actual show itself, I don't trust that they're ever going to get any deeper than 'coz Chat loves Ladybug' based on the way they've written everything up till now.

I'm so, so sorry. This got stupidly long, so please feel free to ignore this! I guess I just needed to vent. Once again, I HOPE I'm wrong, because I really would love to see all these things fandom is theorising about explored, but I don't wanna be disappointed and still want to enjoy the show, so I'd rather be prepared

(this was a continuation of this ask I presume)

The thing is, I don't see that last frame as being romantic. I could be wrong of course, but there are a few things that tell me there's more to it than simply romance there:

the fact that we don't see Chat Noir's expression at all, only his eyes. I doubt he's smiling there

Ladybug framed in his eyes shows more that he has so much hope in her and the promise she's making to him. She's really important in his life and he needs that confirmation that she won't go away, like other important people in his life did

The other thing that tells me this whole ladynoir conflict won't be about his unrequited love is that this season hasn't really been focused on that for them. And that it seems that this will be dealt with in the episode prior to Hack San.

If it turns out that they make it only about romance then yes, I'll be disappointed, but I feel like it's really not gonna be the chore of the problem because there has been too much things unrelated to romance framed by the plot regarding their miscommunication issues. We'll see..!

As for Chat Blanc, the reason he didn't say his father was the one hurting him is quite simple: it would give Ladybug too much information and it would make the plot too easy. So it was a writing choice, not to make it romantic, but to make it so Marinette doesn't know that 1. Chat Noir has big homelife problems and isn't being treated right by his father 2. she has no idea his father is Hawkmoth 3. it adds another layer of the "superhero can't date" drama going on. They purposefully left that out not to reduce Chat Noir's akumatisation to his romantic feelings for her, but to make it so Ladybug has absolutely no idea what really caused it.

Anyway, sorry this is getting long too! Don't apologise, it's also normal to be worried about where this season is heading because we have no idea and we see that there's more and more at stake so it's normal to be kinda afraid that our expectations are too high. And to be frank that messy schedule with the episodes being released at random isn't helping us to see the big picture clearly. I'm staying positive because so far, apart from maybe a thing or two, I haven't been disappointed this season so I don't see a reason to be by the ladynoir conflict!

#ask #anon #ml spoilers #hack san #hack san spoilers

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utenthy · 2 years

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ok well i might as well get into my full review criticisms this is my very own blog after all.

1. ed and stede’s relationship just wasn’t solidified enough to me like it didn’t feel very big or deep yet. this is like an issue i have with a lot of “canon” gay material is like so many other older gay medias who had to code in behaviors and histories and use really heavy subtext to get across the message “these people are gay and in love with one another” whereas if you do not need to do such work, you can just use the mechanics of a typical television “straight”romance, it comes off more shallowly. not saying this is bad that they actually got to kiss it is obviously a win just saying i think i would have liked a longer build up or any established history between them. this all takes place within the span of a few weeks and there are seldom moments of love and understanding between them not underscored by some sort of miscommunication. i wanted them to be better friends and love each other more to earn these dramatics you know

2. it needed to go harder on the betrayal. coming from the vrisrezi school of thought myself i was expecting the stabbings to be much better. i mean the drama could have been intensely amplified of the final scenes if ed had had some sort of argument with stede or even stede outright denying him before running off home to mary. why doesn’t he assume that possibly stede was just caught up or whatever or put in some sort of danger. why wouldn’t he wait and see. as it stands i felt the reactions were undeserved which sucks cuz that scene where ed is folding clothes and his beard is shaved and he is so tired and vulnerable was my favorite scene of all.

3. they can fix it if they implement a five year time skip between season 1 and season 2 where stede becomes as known and powerful as blackbeard and becomes like an adversary for him chasing him all across the globe trying to right his wrongs and convince him to take him back. i think the biggest thing im wanting is time. they need time for the yearning and resentment to simmer into the perfectest angst. PLUS i think something awesome could happen with jim and oluwande being on opposing teams and being leopika and everybody being torn apart across the globe. that’s what i would do if i was the creator of our flag means death. then ed and stede are on like the same level also which i feel is important. i think stede needs to get his hands dirty and get more messy and in the darkness. now that he has completely renounced his life at home like he needs to commit to this pirate thing and if they want to have a black lagoon esque message about violence corrupting then he needs to find himself lost in it

4. i think it’s really funny but i need it to be like 75 drama 25 funny rather than 75 funny 25 drama cuz it makes it hard to take the drama seriously like it wants me to. like i seriously just want it to be a little seriouser. I think that’s my big problem with stede is i find him to be cartoonish and ridiculous whereas they have all this ed stuff set up so dramatic but like if stede really went back and established he feels he cannot fit into regular life he needs to prove he’s not too bumbling and naive to be a pirate.

idkzie. sorry to be a hater like i swear i literally liked it i just always have to get my editing pen out. that’s all love you bye my askbox is open for dissent

#op #ofmd

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spencers-renaissance · 3 years

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let him be soft (and let him be mine) p2

Summary: After Derek pulls another self-sacrificing stunt at the culmination of their most recent case, Spencer runs out of their apartment as he desperately grapples with how it makes him feel

or; Derek's self-sacrificing tendencies meet Spencer's abandonment issues. It gets messy before it gets better

Tags: hurt/comfort, crying, abandonment issues, injured!derek, hurt!spencer, miscommunication, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective!derek

TW: abadonment issues, allusions to grief/loss, some religious imagery (a catholic church and a priest have a small role in the plot)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.1k Total Word Count: 4.5k

Part One // Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Emily's Edit 1 2 3

Emily (@criminalmindsvibez) and I have worked together on a project based on this poem. Her edits and my fic go hand in hand, so go and check hers out! She posted part two yesterday and just posted part three! It's been so fun to work together, so please go and reblog her beautiful edit <3

Spencer smiles, feeling a little bit lighter after getting everything off his chest. “Thank you.”

As he watches the priest walk out of the nave and into what Spencer suspects is the Sanctuary, he hears something that simultaneously warms his heart and twists his stomach in anxiety.

Derek, calling his name.

“Oh, God,” Derek cries as soon as he’s rushed over to sit next to Spencer, wrapping him up in a tight hug, “baby, I was so worried. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you come back to me but I just couldn’t do it. I had to get Pen to track your phone in the end.”

“I’m sorry, Der,” Spencer says, pulling away and blinking tearily at the anxiety mixed with relief written across his boyfriend’s face. Guilt floods his stomach as he thinks about the terror he’s just put Derek through: the exact same feeling he’s been lamenting over Derek inflicting upon him. How is he any better? If anything, he’s only worse; Derek does what he does to serve others, Spencer’s been nothing but selfish all evening.

“No, baby,” Derek protests, lifting a hand to his face and brushing away a falling tear, “you don’t need to apologise, just… talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

Spencer doesn’t waste any time in agreeing. It’s the least his boyfriend deserves. “Can we go home? I want to eat that Thai food in bed while I tell you. I’ve already cried one too many times in a church for the day”

Derek chuckles at that. “Of course, pretty boy. Come on. Let’s get you home.” He takes Spencer’s hand gently and leads him towards the exit, and when Spencer turns back briefly before walking out of the building, he doesn’t miss the smiling priest lingering near the altar.

⭐️

Derek doesn’t let go of his hand the whole drive home, clinging tightly even on the elevator up to their apartment, and it only serves to make Spencer feel guiltier. How had this not clicked earlier? He never stopped to think about the worry his boyfriend was going through back home, only prioritising himself and his own selfish feelings.

He starts to wonder whether he should actually tell Derek after all. His boyfriend is so endlessly kind and selfless and wonderful and Spencer wants to point out his one flaw? After he’s left him panicked and concerned for his well being all evening?

He anxiously gnaws on his bottom lip as Derek tucks him into bed, seemingly oblivious to his distress as he kisses his head gently before making light work of reheating the take out he’d ordered earlier. Spencer’s stomach spins and turns with anxiety as he burrows himself under the covers, desperate to hide from all that’s to come, unable to escape the helter-skelter of emotions consuming his mind.

Soon enough, Derek makes his way into the bedroom, turning off the main light in favour of their various cosy lamps and flicks on the TV, setting it on reruns of Fawlty Towers with the volume turned down before arranging the takeout on trays before finally slipping under the duvet himself.

“Baby, I know that for whatever reason you don’t want to tell me what’s really going on,” Derek says softly, turning Spencer’s chin to face him and gazing imploringly into his eyes, “that poor lip of yours will be bitten off by the morning. But I want you to know you can trust me with whatever this is. I promise that there is no problem, no issue, no stressor that we couldn’t overcome together. Me and you, we’re a dream team, aren’t we? We can solve this, but not if you’re not completely honest with me.”

Damn it, now Spencer’s going to feel guilty no matter what path he chooses. He either lies and breaks Derek’s trust, or he tells the truth and breaks his heart.

But the priest’s words from earlier flash through his mind, and he takes a deep breath, knowing what he has to do. “I’m scared,” he admits, tentatively. It feels like a good place to start.

“Okay,” Derek replies soothingly, eyebrows knitted in concern as his thumb traces the side of Spencer’s face. “What are you scared of, Spence?”

“I’m scared… I’m scared of losing you,” he whispers, casting his eyes downward.

He feels Derek tense next to him, but he doesn’t know whether it’s because he’s confused or something worse. “Baby boy, you have to understand that you’re it for me, I’m never going anywhere—”

“No,” Spencer interrupts, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes again, “not like that. I know you love me, I’ve never doubted that for a second. I’m scared of losing you to something worse than another person. I’m scared of losing you to a gunshot, a stab wound, a bomb blast. I’m scared of losing you to the job, Derek.”

“Oh.” His thumb falters in its soothing movements against Spencer’s cheek before it retracts completely.

“You’re a hero, Der,” he says tearily, not bothering to try and fight them this time, “you’re an inspiration. You’re strong and powerful and the kindest, most selfless man I’ve ever met, but I— I’m gonna need you to start being a little more selfish.”

“I don’t… What do you mean?”

“Remember back in 2007 when that woman was trapped in her car with a bomb under her seat? You stayed right next to her the whole time, even though you knew that if that bomb went off, it was taking you with it. Because in that moment, looking after that woman was all that mattered.”

Derek nods hesitantly, his brows knit even tighter.

“Well, I could deal with that. I accepted it. We were newly in a relationship, and I knew the kind of man you were when I started dating you. I didn’t think you’d give that up for me so soon. But, Derek, it’s been seven years now. We’ve been together for almost a decade, and you’re still the same man. You run headlong into danger with no regard for how it will affect you. And I love your selflessness and generosity, I really do, but I need you to know how that makes me feel.

“It makes me feel like I’m not important to you, Der.”

“Oh, baby, no,” Derek says, distraught as he wraps Spencer in a tight, urgent hug, hand flying to run his fingers through his curls.

“But, no, it does, Derek. Because it feels like one of these days, you won’t be as lucky as you always have been, and I’ll be alone again. You’re all I have, and I can’t lose you, I just can’t.” The tears are joined by heaving, desperate sobs as he cries into Derek’s shoulder, both of them holding onto one another with clawing fingers, impossibly close as emotions fill the room.

When Spencer finally calms down enough, he pulls away to find Derek’s eyes red and his cheeks wet, too. “I— I had no idea you felt like this, baby boy,” he says earnestly, looking deeply into his eyes as his devastated emotions play across his open expression. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like you were anything less than the most important person in the whole world to me, because you are, Spencer.”

“It’s okay,” Spencer whispers sadly. “You didn’t know.”

“No, but I do now. I never stopped to think how this was affecting you, and I’m so deeply sorry for that.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence as they fall against one another, both accepting that the Thai is going to go cold again and they’ll probably end up with a greasy 2am pizza instead.

“It’s because of my dad,” Derek admits eventually, breaking the silence. “When I watched him bleed out in front of me, I swore I would never let that happen to another person. I would never let another person die on my watch, not unless I was going down with them. And that was an easy principle to live by when I was a cop, it translated well to the FBI, and it worked great when I was single. But now… I have you. And you’re more important than a promise I made to myself when I was ten.

“The thing is, though, that I don’t know how to override an instinct that I’ve built and enforced for my entire career. Spencer, you’re everything to me, and you’re more important than this, but I… I don’t know how to change.”

Another tear slides down Spencer’s tired, puffy face at Derek’s words, mostly because they were exactly what he was expecting. The only reason he’s kept this to himself for so long is because he knew that no possible resolution could make this okay.

“It’s okay, Der,” he says sadly, “I get it—”

“I think I should leave the BAU.”

Spencer sits bolt upright at that, turning to his boyfriend with shock written in every line of his face. “What?”

“Listen, I’m 43. I’ve been on the job for twenty-one years, and I’m getting tired, Spencer. I was planning to bring this up at a much better moment, but I’ve just finished that house on the Mount Pleasant border, and I think we should move in there. I’m ready for a quieter life, Spencer. I want to do things that make me happy, focus on the future of our family, me, you, and Clooney — kids, too, if we decide that’s the way we want to go — and leave this life revolving around death and crime and the bad in the world behind.”

“You’re serious?” Spencer asks, completely in disbelief as he stares at Derek like he’s grown an extra head. This was never a possibility he considered. Not even a little bit.

“I am,” Derek promises. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and this just seals the deal, really. I don’t want you to be feeling this scared all the time, especially not if it’s set off even by a couple of bruised ribs. Diving in front of a bullet when wearing a vest is hardly the most dangerous thing I’ve done.”

Derek chuckles but Spencer just smiles sadly at just how true that statement is. “No, it isn’t.”

“I’d love to focus on the property business full time, renovate more houses and really make a career out of it. Build a proper business, live in the suburbs, be happy and safe and alive with the love of my life for as long as possible,” Derek says, eyes warm and serious as he brushes his hand against Spencer’s face again. “I’m so in love with you it hurts.”

Spencer’s heart melts and he presses into Derek’s side, burying in as close as he can get. The tears that leak from his eyes this time are at least happy ones. “If you leave,” he says, after considering it for a moment, “I think I want to leave, too.”

“Really? You don’t have to, Spencer. You can stay at the BAU if you want to.”

“I know. But I’ve given over a third of my life to this job, and it’s given me all it can, I think. Before Gideon recruited me, I always thought I’d end up teaching, and I always knew I’d love it. Researching and teaching others what I’ve found out for a living sounds like a dream, and the thought of coming home to you, knowing that you’re safe every night as we sit down for dinner and chat about our normal, civilian lives… well, it’s everything I didn’t know I’d been longing for.”

A kind of peace that Spencer hasn’t felt in years settles over his chest as he basks in the thought of a safe and happy future with Derek, one not plagued by the trauma they’ve faced willingly for far too vast proportions of their lives, and he knows it’s the right decision.

“Wow,” Derek says, and woven in with the shock in his voice is relief, clear as day, “we’re leaving the BAU.”

“We’re leaving the BAU.”

Spencer eventually packs the Thai away and orders an extra large pepperoni pizza for delivery, letting Derek rest in bed as he takes over the beavering around. Fawlty Towers continues to play across the TV screen throughout the course of the night, Spencer resting his head on the top of Derek’s chest, careful to avoid his injuries. In that moment, with his favourite TV show playing, and an empty pizza box on the floor of their bedroom, cuddled up safely with the man he knows he’s going to spend forever with, Spencer thanks a God he’s not sure he believes in that Derek, right now, is soft, happy, and most importantly, his.

Let him be soft, and let him be mine.

— Please, let him be happy.

If you haven't already - check out Emily's post, and give some love to the original poem source here!

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @doctorenby @suburban--gothic@strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @jellejareau @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch (taglist form)

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds writing #cm fic #moreid #moreid angst #moreid fluff #moreid fic #derek morgan #jennifer jareau #derek morgan/spencer reid #derek morgan x spencer reid #spencer reid x derek morgan #spencer reid/derek morgan #my writing

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veliseraptor · 3 years

Note

What is your top 5 fav ships (canon or not) in mxtx 3 novels? And why?

you don’t even have to include the “and why” there, anon, I’ll do it all on my own because I can’t shut up about my opinions.

1. Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen. I rolled into this canon and clearly went ‘why would I devote my attention to the canon main pairing when I could go to the messy fucked up pairing to the left that occupies a tiny fraction of the narrative” and rode that train all the way down to hell, where I live now.

It just...this pairing hits so perfectly so many of my buttons all at the same time. It’s fucked up and dysfunctional and full of misery and tragedy and violence and all those good things that I love to see in a relationship. Xuexiao showed up and delivered me a delicious dinner on a platter. And then carved my heart out and ate it.

And I think one of my favorite things about it is the living on borrowed time aspect of it all. While I yearn for fix-its and will write them forever, one of the things that drew me to this pairing first was the way that it is a ticking time bomb that’s doomed from the start.

And at the same time you can see the ways in which it could have been different, if only.

One of the other things is how much it’s like. You’d think Xiao Xingchen is functional and Xue Yang is dysfunctional but you’d be wrong. They’re both dysfunctional messes of bad emotional coping mechanisms.

2. Hua Cheng/Xie Lian. I’ve talked about how these two are my favorite main pairing in the three MXTX novels that’re out so far, in large part because of the way that they feel like friends to me long before they get together. And I’m not usually a big ‘friends-to-lovers’ person, but their dynamic is just so...playful, and they so clearly like each other and respect each other and think the other person is just the coolest.

And yes, on Hua Cheng’s end of things I am still like. Please get some sense of self-worth that’s a little detached from Dianxia, please, buddy, you deserve nice things for yourself, but...I think it helps me that Xie Lian is pretty clearly, I think, on the same page. He doesn’t want worship from Hua Cheng. He wants a partnership. And that’s I think what their relationship ultimately feels like to me: a partnership.

3. Shi Qingxuan/He Xuan. I have a type of pairing and a shipping aesthetic and this one landed squarely in it with such force that I was genuinely surprised that it happened as a thing in something I was reading. Like! The betrayal! The friend who turns out to be an enemy who got attached! The contrast between them as near opposites, but prior to the Black Water arc they’re still in tune.

But yeah, I’m here for that sweet, sweet dysfunction, mostly, and the conflict between He Xuan’s desire for revenge and their attachment to Shi Qingxuan, and Shi Qingxuan’s sheltered life and relative innocence.

And did I scream in book four when the fan came back? Oh, you betcha.

I think I also have a...thing for relationships that feel unfinished. That tends to be what drives me to explore a relationship in fic, for sure - a sense that things aren’t done, that there’s more to be dealt with, more ground to cover. And this is definitely that, when it comes to where canon leaves things.

That’s always going to pull me especially in fandom terms toward getting more absorbed in a relationship and spending more time thinking about it.

4. Jiang Cheng & Wei Wuxian. Speaking of unfinished relationships! I was debating whether to put this one on there or to stick with more ‘typical’ romantic/sexual type ships, but I decided that it’s so important in my head and my feelings that it deserved a spot here. I mean, me and sibling relationships are always going to be a thing, and me and fraught sibling relationships are going to be even more of a thing, and me and sibling relationships where everyone loves each other very much but is failing at expressing it and miscommunicating/communicating past each other is going to have me lying down on the floor screaming.

So here I am! Lying down on the floor screaming.

I just...there’s so much there, in these two’s relationship. In the way that they relate to each other and the way they feel about each other. So much baggage, so many complicated intersections of insecurity and emotional damage that collide in really unfortunate ways. Issues of debt and obligation and shared loss.

It’s such a mess and if you have gathered anything from the majority of this list you may be picking up on the fact that “it’s a mess” is a #1 qualifying trait in most cases for me to pick up a ship.

5. Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao. Speaking of “it’s a mess!” Oh boy. How does one talk about a problem like Xiyao? I feel like I don’t write much about it only because I feel like others do and better than me, whereas I look at them and just start going “ahhhhhhhhh.” at length and loudly.

But again there’s a lot of ways this aligns with other pairings of mine, both on this list and elsewhere. The mutuality of it and at the same time the underlying darkness. The genuine care set against the ways in which that care is undermined by other factors. And of course the absolute tragedy and suffering of it all.

Reader, I was doomed.

I feel kind of bad that Wangxian didn’t make it on here but it’s only because I tend to spend less active brainspace thinking about them as a pairing, though every time they are on screen doing things together then I do fall in love all over again with how much I love them.

Still weird! Still don’t know how that happened. Them and Hua Cheng/Xie Lian are very much pairing outliers for me.

#anonymous #conversating #top five meme #xuexiao #xiyao #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #beefleaf #the sad queer cultivators show #hua cheng #xie lian #tagging for my own organization sorry guys #dysfunctional gods and ghost kinks

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

Text

I Like You, Say It Back.

Ao3, MasterPost

Wow, Same ship twice in a row? Fuckin sue me, it’s underrated. Plus it’s short so it doesn’t count.

Relationships: Dukexiety/Intruxiety

Warnings: Crying, perceived one-sided relationship (it isn’t!! he was Mistaken), Mentions of some Remus-y thoughts/ideas/habits, hurt/comfort, Remus angst, brief miscommunication, cursing. Short and Sweet, for the most part :3. One kissy ^x^

Word Count: 1,585

Remus stilled in shock, his hands tensed up against his partner’s back.

“What did you just say?”

Virgil shifted back from their close embrace, eyes wide and nervous. Remus was too busy losing his mind to be concerned about his boyfriend’s mounting distress, unfortunately. What had Virgil said? He must've misheard, surely.

“That I love you? You- uh, you don't have to say it back, if it's, like, too soon, or whatever,” Virgil rambled, confirming that yep, nope, Remus hadn't misheard anything.

Too soon! Now, that was the furthest thing from the issue. They'd been dating for two months, after all. Though Remus didn't typically prescribe to social standards, that was probably more than enough time to use the L-word. In fact, there were plenty of times where the Creative facet himself had to actively prevent himself from blurting it out (be it by swallowing cement or suturing his mouth shut, and various other means).

Remus’ brand of affection did not mesh well with someone as easily spooked as his partner. But God, he tried to get it under control, because Virgil was worth it. Virgil was worth patience and gentleness and holding his breath, waiting and waiting. He’d even waited until he was 100% sure his and Virgil's fractured friendship was fully mended to attempt to ask the trait out, despite having been in love with him since they were young. Very few things scared Remus- really scared him, to the point of breaking his pledge of constant bluntness and honesty- but losing the people he cared about easily made that short list.

But Virgil had agreed to go out with him. 'Yeah, sure,' he'd muttered, face a little pinker and back a little straighter than normal, 'Sounds fun, I guess.'

To anyone else, it would've sounded noncommittal, lackluster, but to Remus- fuck, it was the best thing in the world. Virgil was really going to give him a chance!

Remus never expected it to last long. One date, maybe. When said date had actually gone really well (Vee had even let him kiss him!), he'd amended that they might have a week in them. Lo and behold, ten weeks later, and Virgil had yet to dump him.

The end, Remus had assumed, was going to come soon. He was okay with that- don't get him wrong! He adored his boyfriend, reveled in their time together, but he'd already gotten so much further than ever thought he would. It only made sense that Anxiety would eventually get frustrated and fed up with humoring him. Remus had made peace with that, long since appeased with whatever he’d already gotten out of this.

At least, he had thought he was at peace. Now there was this fucking curveball.

“You love me? Like, actually?”

The nervousness dropped from Virgil’s face, replaced by bemusement. Remus got a close view of it from his seat on the other’s lap. His favorite place to be, typically, but at that moment the proximity bordered on overwhelming. Not like he was going to move, though.

“Ye- yeah? Is that a surprise to you?”

Remus barked out a laugh, throwing his head back to distract from the slight stinging he felt at the corners of his eyes. A surprise? That was one hell of an understatement! Virgil was so cavalier about it, too, like it wasn’t the strangest thing Remus had ever heard. Like it didn’t make his heart leap up into his throat, and not even in the cool, literal way.

“You love me! Two months of-” he made a sharp gesture between them, “-this and you’ve come to the conclusion that you love me,” it wasn't quite believable in Remus’ mind. His face was splitting in a grin, but he shook as he grasped at Virgil’s shoulders, tears steadily clouding his vision. It felt like his insides were exploding, and not at all in a bad way. Like someone had pumped his chest full of Build-A-Bear stuffing and bright-colored candy, his skin splitting at the seams to try and hold it all. Which was unequivocally fun and amazing, of course.

Virgil, for one, seemed floored by that reaction.

“Okay, I'll be honest, I had no idea how you were gonna react- I never do, really, but- you're laughing?”

Remus leaned his head back down, more cackles escaping him. The look on Virgil’s face was a mask of shock, from what he could make out through his haze. Oh, he was crying in earnest now, for sure. Big, gloopy streams of salt-water pouring down from his ruby-red eyes.

“I never, ever thought that you would say it,” he made a noise between a snort and a sob, “And you did!”

Suddenly, Remus was jostled from his boyfriend’s lap. Virgil had his back pressed against the arm of the couch, one leg stuck out to maintain distance between them. Remus went silent instantly, the only noises left from him being soft hiccups from his ugly crying.

“What the hell is this- us- then? Why are we together if you think this isn't- fuck, wait, you’re crying now? What is happening?!”

Remus gawked, watching his boyfriend coil up with anger across from him. He scrambled for what to say, and for once found it to be a struggle. He scooted forward, fully aware that he was probably cornering Virgil but too frantic to be concerned about it.

“No- no, I wasn't laughing at you, Vee, I didn’t mean it to look like I was!”

Virgil was wary. Remus didn't blame him; he knew his little Jack-O-Lantern wasn’t very good at reading people.

“What’s funny, then?”

“It isn't,” he struggled, “I was- surprised? I just never thought you’d be saying- saying that,” Remus cringed internally at his wording, because wow this was not coming across right. Frustrated, he tangled a hand in his hair, wishing he could just pluck out his eyes to stop the crying. That probably would only freak Virgil out more, though.

Or perhaps not, given that he didn’t seem like he could get much more distressed. There was an uncomfortably quiet moment where he seemed to be carefully analyzing what Remus meant- which made it all the more relieving when it did click for him. Remus was sure he couldn’t explain any better in the state he was in.

“You-” Virgil’s expression turned to dismay, “Oh, fuck, did you mean… you thought that I just… didn't?”

Opening his mouth to speak, Remus found all he could manage was a small nod.

Without further warning, Virgil jolted across the small distance between them and crushed Remus in a hug. The Duke reeled, his hands just barely ghosting over the other's arms. He must have been off his game, letting so much sentimentality get to him. He was the most unshakeable being in the whole MindPalace!

“It- it just didn't make sense, ya know? When you agreed to go out with me. I was basically 100% sure you'd be grossed out, or just ignore me- I only really asked because I couldn't not. You know how I am with filters! And you were so- so you,” his ramble started softly, growing steadily louder and more pitchy.

Virgil didn't respond more than tightening his grip around Remus, resting his chin on Remus’ head. The side carried on anyway.

“I knew we were friends, I knew you cared about me- I'm not the sharpest scalpel in the patient, but I don't hate myself nearly enough to tell myself that you still hated me- so I figured you were just humoring me. Obviously, I'm like ‘hell yeah, let's see how long it takes for him to get sick of this’,” it wasn't funny, but Remus laughed again anyway, “Which I guess will take a little longer than I thought, huh?”

Virgil pulled his head back, fixing Remus with an intense gaze. The eye shadow beneath his eyes had sunken and darkened, creeping down his face in inky spiderlegs of ‘makeup’.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” he hissed, “You’re the most annoying person I've ever met, and I’m never getting sick of you,” he slid one of his hands down to where Remus was barely resting his own on Virgil's waist, twining their fingers together. “And if you think for even a second otherwise, then you're also the dumbest person I've ever met.”

A fresh wave of tears ran down Remus’ cheeks, the saline taste creeping into his mouth. He squeezed Virgil's hand once, then twice, just to bring himself to some semblance of stability. Eventually, though, he caved into what his mind was really screaming to do, shifting forwards to kiss his boyfriend. It was messy, salty, and broken up by bouts of Remus' relieved giggling. Regardless, neither side let the other go for minutes on end, until both were breathless and light-headed.

“Hey, Scarecrow?” Remus’ breathing was shaky in the way it only gets after settling down from a good cry, not to mention shallow from the kissing. Virgil's two-tone eyes met his, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“Mhmm?”

Virgil was wrapped around him with all his limbs, surprisingly clingy. The presence was warm, something he hadn’t expected when they first got close. Virgil was always cozy like a fire, one that you’d be happy to burn to death in. Remus nuzzled into the anxious trait’s shoulder, tired and excited all at the same time.

“I almost forgot to say,” he traced his claws, gently, up Virgil’s arm, “That I love you, too.”

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu

#i have one trick and its this #character laughs cuz they r surprised and other character thinks they r laughing at them #its my one think i do #u could also call it #lackluster writing devices #my writing #fanfiction #fanfic #sanders sides #ts #tss #dukexiety #intruxiety #virgil #remus #sanders sides fanfiction #ts fanfic

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polluante · 3 years

Text

a lot of people are complaining about the episode, about how it doesn’t seem to make sense ; but to me, it seems to be logical. Fatou feels overwhelmed, right? The lack of communication on social medias brought up by Kieu My on the last clip is kind of emphasizing this feeling of not being able to control anything ; the miscommunication with Ava, how she lets her mother on read, how she answers Kieu My with almost no interest ; everyone is looking up to her to do something, and it’s just too much for her, and then she cannot even concentrate on one of them, because she loves all of them, no one is more important, not even love yeah. the clip is messy, it seems to have incoherents moments, we don’t seem to recognize Fatou in her actions, but that’s the point. to the people still reading (oops), here’s what i understood : (at least read the last paragraph it is dear to my heart lol)

a lot of people complained about the « date » supposed to happen between Ava and Fatou wasn’t talked again between the two of them. because yeah, why didn’t they talked about this « date » again ? we know just a little about Ava’s life, but we know she has issues with family, maybe she didn’t have time to talk about it again with Fatou, or also since Ava told Fatou she had to talk about something important to her on the second clip, you don’t expect people to bring in up on a social media conversation, because it is serious. Ava cared a lot about talking to Fatou, maybe she expected her to ask herself when they had to meet for example on the meeting day, but she didn’t, so, yeah. i understand that one.

but how Nora couldn’t talk about that meeting in the bar with Ava ? It is just simple. you know the issues in the Cashqueens, they know it themselves. first, Nora knows the background story Ava has with the Instas, including Kieu My, so maybe she concluded talking about it with Ava would maybe increase the awkwardness in the group, which she already acknowledged in her texts with Mailin’s. for me, Nora thinks Mailin is trying her best to make up to Ava, so maybe she supposed Mailin invited her to start a beginning of redemption. but no girl, no.

let’s deviate a little and talk about Mailin. yeah she doesn’t take responsibilities for nothing, like the door on Monday or talking with Ava alone, LIKE SHE WANTED TO DO 3 EPISODES AGO (i think) or even asking for Ava if she wanted to go to the meeting or the list (wow i realize that’s a lot). to me, she is just stubborn, like a child ; « problems? nah, i don’t see them, but the others do, so they will solve it ». i just think she is afraid of confrontation, and she just wants Ava to come first, to not have the responsibility or the weight of the problem (yeah the awkward thing with the video was perhaps a attempt to try to talk about it but naahhh) It doesn’t excuse anything, i know, but at least i can (KIND OF) get why the character acts that way.

let’s finish with Fatou. see how i talked about everyone else before, to finally end with her? yeah, there’s a lot to process around her. there’s a lot of little plots that sometimes people brought up in a negative way. but, that’s how Fatou’s experience things. everyday, we are focused on one plot, either the turtle issues, or the Cashqueens, or school, or Kieu My. the only time we stayed on the same plot was when Kieu My and her started a relationship together. so yeah, Fatou can’t clearly focus on two things at a time, this last clip clearly shows she can’t proceed that way anymore ; everything was brought up at the same time, and look at how Fatou is exhausted. things started to mix up and get confusing when the School thing happened, because it mixed School and Kieu My. then, it was Cashqueens and Kieu My, school and turtle issues, etc etc... probably this episode still feels odd to you, but to me, it clearly shows that Fatou is starting to have a breaking point, and the plot getting messy has clearly a relevant purpose.

#druck

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