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unaesthetic-writer · 23 days

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OKAY I don't rlly post much here but I saw this gorgeous au for jegulus from @ashshmee and I wanted to try writing it(my other acc is the one that commented) skshhsjdjshsbe SORRY IF ITS NOT PERFECT 😭

JAMES POV:

I had been waiting a while now for Sirius to finally be ready. Even though I'm the one who asked to go, he's taking longer than me to get ready. I had never gone to the ballet before, but it always intrigued me how those dancers were able to seem so graceful while using up more strength than I could ever imagine. Sirius had said it was his little brother's show, which really had me curious. Sirius doesn't talk about Regulus often, but when he does he's always sounded so... Surreal. Like not even Sirius fully believed he had a brother so unlike him. Sirius, even as my best friend— I can say he's a graceful as a rat. But he makes up for it in other ways; He's an amazing singer, the best I've ever heard in my 22 years on this earth. And Sirius has this presence to him on stage... It's unmatched. But for Sirius, who barely has uttered a non- sarcastic compliment to anyone in YEARS unless he was flirting, to praise someone like that... Regulus has to be spectacular.

But finally, Sirius steps out of the bathroom, his hair and makeup finally finished. It's much more elegant than his usual get up, but it still feels like him. Instead of his usual washed out black jeans and a leather jacket, he's wearing black dress pants and a black button up with only a simple smoky eye for makeup. Even his usually long wind blown hair is pulled back into a low ponytail, small strands framing the front of his face. "I'm ready, prongs! You good to go mate?" He nonchalantly says, as if he hadn't spent the last hour in the bathroom. I roll my eyes at him, "I've been ready Siri, you're the one I was waiting for." He drinks at me like that will stop us from being late. "Well what's done is done, and I'm ready now so let's go!" He shrugs on a nice black trench coat he has and walks towards the door, "We don't wanna be late, now do we prongs?" Chuckling and shaking my head, I follow him, knowing he knows full well that if we're late, it's his fault.

When we reach the theater the show had just begun. But luckily, Sirius said that Regulus doesn't come on for a few more minutes. The skill of the dancers can be seen from miles, they move in time with the music in a way I've never seen before, but would love to see up close. It would be a cool idea for a music video if we got a ballet dancer. Just as I'm about to whisper the idea to Sirius, he comes onto stage. There's no mistaking it— That is Regulus Black. And he is nothing short of an absolute dream. His short black hair, even if it's not half as long as Sirius' flows like the wind as he- "What are those turns called?" I whisper to Sirius. "Pirouettes," He replies, looking at me curious, "Why?" I don't answer him—I can't. How could I answer when Regulus was dancing? I had no idea what the ballet was about, but the aura Regulus exuded was nothing short of prince. Not even that. He was so much more. He glides across that stage with the likeliness of a star gliding through the sky. He owned everything he touched; Every step he took, every turn, every thing he did was magnificent. And the look on his face... It could put even the most beautiful of things to shame. It was delicate, like he was protecting something, but just as fierce and focused. His shining eyes look as if he has been given the world in his hands, and honestly in this moment... He could rule it and no one would protest. But just like that, the shining star, left as if he was never there. My heart doesn't slow, even as he leaves the stage. Not even as the show itself finishes. I don't even remember if he came on stage again after that. I didn't realize the show was over until Sirius was shaking me out of the trance I was in. "Prongs. Prongs!" I stare at him, still feeling dazed and heated "Yeah? What's wrong?" Sirius sighs and eyes me worried. "You were completely spaced out, mate? And you look red as well... You sure you're okay?" I nod. "Yeah, yeah of course... It was just..." I trail off, my mind immediately going to Regulus. Sirius moves his hands, trying to prompt me to say more. But there's only one thought on my mind. "You have to let me meet Regulus. Please Sirius." With a suspicious expression on his face, Sirius opens his mouth to say more but closes it and sighs. "Fine, we'll meet up with him once he finishes getting ready."

SORRY TO CUT IT SHORT GUYS BUT I GTG, SO I'LL MAKE A PT. 2 TMR I PROMISE, HOPE U LIKED JAMES PINING OVER REGGIE ALR

#mauraders #jegulus #starchaser #james fleamont potter #james potter #james x regulus #jegulus fic #jegulus au #regulus black #marauders era #marauders fanfic #marauders fic

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ryxiez · 1 year

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HI!! I dont know how I found you literally as you just posted your masterlist, but its nice to run into another new obey me acc! :]

could I request some headcanons/drabbles for the demon brothers (or whichever characters u would like, Im not picky) with a super like. Fragile MC? IDK HOW TO PUT WHAT I MEAN—Ig an mc that's prone to getting hurt, bruises easily, is on the weaker side, etc etc. Maybe the demons are kinda like?? Anxious that if they're not gentle enough they'll accidentally break them or smth.

Thank you for requesting! I hope this is what you meant cause I kinda took different styles with a few of them. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, I’m writing this half asleep >_<

Obey Me! Brothers with fragile!MC (Headcanons)

Fluffy Comforting Headcannons

Mentions the reader/MC getting hurt in some way, no blood mentioned at all

this is kinda how the brothers would react/treat you after you got hurt or they realized you were hurt

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

Ever since you were little you were always called clumsy. Often tripping over your own two feet, bruises and scraps covering spots on your skin.

Lucifer

- Often took notice of the discoloration in your skin, yet never brought it up with you.

- Basically knew what was happening and what was wrong right away

- During your time down there, he always seemed to be coincidently there whenever you would fall, or bump into something, even at school.

- However sometimes he didn't make it in time to catch you, or redirect you, but would always help you up.

- You reasure you that you are okay and only IF no one was around, he would plant a small kiss on where it hurts.

Mammon

- Wouldn't notice until he touched you (like a hug) and you pulled back with a hiss.

- Was very startled and thought he somehow hurt you with his "demon strength".

- He became all panicky with tears in his eyes when you told him you were fine when he knew you weren't.

- Finally he convinced you to show him what you were hiding and he was basically speechless. He couldn't believe he was letting you get hurt when he was supposed to look after you.

- Mammon then pulled you into a hug, avoiding the certain bruise, and told you to call for him whenever you were hurt again.

Leviathan

- You would honestly trip over stuff in his room a lot. Boxes and items on his floor that he didn't want to put away yet because he was gaming.

- He would pause his game right away if he could as soon as he heard a loud thump from behind him.

- Rushing over, he saw tears in your eyes as you held onto your ankle for dear life, rocking back and forth slightly.

- He apologized a million times, stuttering, as he held you close to him, and tried to take a look at your foot after your breathing slowed down again.

- Promises to clean his room for you, which he did, but only a little bit.

Satan

- Same as Levi, has a very messy room but with him he has scattered books and papers everywhere you can't even walk right.

- However, when he first heard you fall, anger struck him more than concern as he turned around with sharp eyes

- That was until he saw you in your weakened state on the floor and he immediately softened up.

- He rushed to your side and asked you were it hurt and how he could help.

- Definitely put a numbing or healing spell on your wound because he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

Amsodeus

- He found the discoloration in your skin on one of your many spa days.

- You then had to explain to him how you just seemed to bump into things or just fall a lot and couldn't help it.

- He would almost cry as he caressed your skin with lotions and creams, trying his best to sooth the pain, and it worked.

- Promises to try his best to stay by your side to help, and he even starts carrying bandaids and bruise cream in his purse for you.

- Let's just say you would be having spa days way more often so he can take care of you as much as possible.

Beelzebub

- Both of you made your late night trips to the kitchen as your stomachs rumble. (More so his)

- While stumbling around in the dark, you managed to walk right into the edge of the counter.

- You let out a yelp before holding down on the now pulsating spot, probably scrapped and bruised.

- Beel immediately had a candle lit in your direction as his big hands worked to slowly pry yours off yourself so he could see the wound.

- Would act like he wasn't panicking but he really was on the inside.

- Gave it a kiss before placing a bandaid on it after carrying you to the bathroom.

- Cuddles for the rest of the night while he protected you.

Belphegor

- Tried to cuddle closer to you while he was in your bed one night

- You we’re almost fully asleep until your felt his fingers press too hard on one of the fresh bruises you got this morning.

- You squirmed out of his grasp you you could sit up, trying to get away from the pain

- Belphie was confused and tried until you brought up the bruise he touched

- He apologized with caring eyes before laying you back down to cuddle, this time offering you to share his cow print pillow.

- From now on he was more careful and gentle with his touch

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

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mi-rae07 · 1 year

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Kim Hong-Joong : Moonlight

Pairing : Kim hongjoong (Ateez) and named character (Lee Hana)

_______________________________________

A/n note : this is my first post and i thought I should dedicate it to my bias. Since I wish to make things a bit different, i will do only random oneshots on this acc, only fluff and angst. There will be no warnings given before any posts so please be aware of that.

_________________________________________

Lee hana opened the door to hers' and hongjoong's penthouse, sighing deeply as she noticed that the lights were off. This was the 11th time in a row she had come this late to nothing but emptiness. Hongjoong was probably asleep, she thought.

Hana was about to turn on the lights when it turned on by itself, the living room lighting up. Hana's eyes fell on her boyfriend who was leaning against the glass wall that overlooked Seoul beneath them, his hands still on the switchboard next to him.

Hana : hongjoong. You aren't asleep.

Hongjoong : no, I wanted to have a talk with you.

Hana put her bag on the couch and said

Hana : at this time of the night?

Hongjoong : it's the only time of the day I get to see you, hana.

Hana sighed and nodded, motioning hongjoong to continue.

Hongjoong : I don't want to sound immature about this, I really don't. I know you have work, I know I'm supposed to understand and I did, for the past month, I did. But not anymore.

Hana : hongjoong-ah, I just have so much to do.

Hongjoong : so do I hana! I am an idol for lord's sake and I still make so much time for you.

Hana : I have an entire company to handle, joong. It isn't easy-

Hongjoong : so you just drop me? You decide that it's okay for me to be completely alone in this house that we bought for us? For our future?

Hana : I don't wish for this to happen-

Hongjoong : do I even exist in your life anymore, lee hana?

Hana paused, looking at hongjoong. Hongjoong chuckled and stood straight, walking closer towards hana.

Hongjoong : it's not like I existed much before either, I've always been the one to beg for your love while you got it without trying from me.

Hana : kim hongjoong.

Hongjoong : is it not true? I talked to you first, I asked for your number first, I texted you first, I asked you out on a date first, I bought you gifts first, I proposed to you first, I introduced you to my parents first, I kissed you first, I did everything first hana!

Hana looked down as she realized it was all true. She was always the one who kept quiet and remained cold despite being in a relationship with hongjoong for 5 years now.

Hongjoong : you never initiated anything first, hana. Hell, you don't even reciprocate whatever I give you. May it be kisses, or hugs, or even talking! You just continue making me feel like a pathetic animal whimpering and begging for some sort of love and care.

Hana just continued looking on the floor, letting hongjoong talk everything out. She knew she was in the wrong, she had always known that. She expected this to come someday, just not today, just not on her birthday. She didn't blame him for forgetting, she never would. She had done a million things to him like this, she didn't deserve to put blame on hongjoong for this one thing.

Hongjoong : hana, I'm tired.

This was it, this was the end. Hana looked up at hongjoong as he shook his head and said

Hongjoong : I know you love me, I know you do things for me but even then…I feel like I don't matter to you. I feel like if I die, or if something happens to me, you'd find it so easy to move on. You've never once told me you loved me, you haven't even touched me willingly without me begging you to even just hold hands. You never talk to me about anything, you make me feel like…you make me feel unwanted and worthless hana.

Hana felt like someone tore her apart, she felt the world crumble on her at that last sentence, was she really that bad?

Hana : so you wanna break up with me, you want me to leave, is that it?

Hongjoong : hana-

Hana : I will leave. If I make you feel unwanted and worthless then you should be throwing me out because you're anything but that.

Hongjoong looked at hana as she said

Hana : you deserve the entire world, hongjoong. And I'm sorry I wasn't able to give that to you.

Hana chuckled and looked down before whispering in a low voice

Hana : I should've known no one could love someone like me.

Hana turned and left, leaving hongjoong in tears.

________________________________________

Hana slid down the corner wall in the master bedroom, looking at city below the sky that she could see through the glass wall in the room. She remembered the time hongjoong laid on her chest in the bed, looking at the stars and whispering sweet nothings while rubbing his finger on her palm that day she had accidentally burned herself. Hana hadn't cared about the immense pain she was in after looking at the stars reflecting on hongjoong's eyes, making him look like the moon itself.

The moonlight was always their thing, it was the one thing that made both of them look ethereal.

Hana felt tears threatening to fall she continued gazing at the stars above her. She was sure her mom and dad were one of the stars above her, she was sure they could hear her as she whispered, her voice breaking as tears rolled down her cheeks

Hana : I love him so much eomma, what do I do.

Hana sniffed and wiped her tears as she wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing it close to her chest and resting her head on it.

_______________________________________

Hongjoong let out a shaky breath, plopping on one of the couches after he heard the bedroom door slam shut. He knew he wasn't wrong, but even then he felt himself hurting. He saw the emotions in her eyes, she couldn't hide that. Those eyes were what made hongjoong stay, those eyes were the only proof of the love hana had for him. And that was more than enough for him because he knew those pair of blue bambi eyes could never lie.

And today, he saw pain in them. Even though hana agreed to break up with him without him asking for it, even though hana took all of what he said without uttering anything back, he could see the pain and love in her eyes that was caged by her past. He wanted to help her, he did. But she never let him, saying her pain was nothing.

Hongjoong sniffed and looked around, trying not to cry. His eyes fell on hana's black Birkin bag that was lying on the couch next to him, the zipper accidentally having opened, revealing a small velvet box inside. Hongjoong frowned as he took the box from her bag and opened it, his eyes widening at the two promise rings inside. They were made of diamond and platinum, with the initials H engraved inside both the rings. One of the rings had 3 blue diamond stones shaped like a moon attatched to it, the ring looking more manly than the other one which had a feminine look to it. This ring had three brown diamond stones in it, shaped like a star. Blue, the color of hana's eyes and brown, the colour of hongjoong's eyes. The moon stood for hongjoong, because that was what hana had told him he looked like the first time she talked to him. And the star, which was what hana had always been in hongjoong's life.

Did she mean to give me this? Hongjoong thought. He ran his hands along the smooth cut stone as tears fell freely this time, hongjoong making no attempt to stop it this time.

Hongjoong flinched as he heard a notification from hana's phone, the iPhone lighting up by itself. Hongjoong looked at it and realized that the lock screen was a picture of hongjoong smiling, a picture hana had probably taken that day when she took him to the beach on his birthday last year, knowing how much hongjoong had loved the beach during the night. She had rented the whole beach and given him the best night of his life with all his favorite foods.

Hongjoong looked at the message with blurry eyes

"Secretary Park : Miss, I have cancelled all of tomorrow's meetings as per what you said. Fortunately, the partners were most understanding. However as you expected they have all shifted their meetings to this Sunday and Saturday, which are the only less packed days you have. I hope it isn't too much for you, I will bring your schedule to you the day after. I hope you have a good day tomorrow, thank you"

She had taken a day off tomorrow, oh god. Despite knowing that the work would pile on her, she had done it.

Why was he always so stupid, why did he never understand the love hana had for him. He had now realized, it was all him, he was the person who didn't deserve hana. He was the worst boyfriend ever and he had to fix it, no matter what it took.

Hongjoong shut the box and put it in his pocket before walking swiftly to their room, to hana.

______________________________________

Hongjoong entered the room, his eyes falling on hana who was sitting on the floor, her back against the corner wall that faced the city below them through the glass wall. The moonlight shone on hana's face, making her blue eyes appear even lighter than they were. Hongjoong felt his heart race at her sight, it never got used to how beautiful his girl was. Hongjoong closed the door behind him as hana said, not turning away from the window.

Hana : I will leave tomorrow, it's too late now. Do you mind?

Yes he did. He didn't want her to leave at all. This was their house, this was hana's and hongjoong's house, only two could live in this house. If she was going to leave, so was he because without her, this house was nothing to hongjoong except cement and glass.

Hongjoong walked towards hana's figure without saying anything, sitting next to her on the floor and laid his head on her shoulder. He loved how his head fit perfectly into her shoulder, it was like he was made for her. Hana only looked at hongjoong, who closed his eyes and whispered

Hongjoong : you feel so warm, hannie. You've always felt so warm.

Hana pressed her lips and looked away before saying

Hana : it must be quite opposite to my cold heart and it's actions.

No it wasn't, her actions were the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

Hongjoong : hana, have you ever loved me?

He wanted to hear her say it, finally and maybe for this last time.

Hana : what change is it going to bring now, hongjoong.

Hongjoong : all the change in the world. I wanna know hana, tell me.

Hana decided to let go of her walls for this once. It was probably the last time anyway. She sighed and bent her head down before whispering

Hana : I have always loved you kim hongjoong. You're fucking stupid to think someone could hold themselves from loving a man like you.

Hongjoong clenched his hands as hana continued

Hana : from the time I met you on that bridge, I have loved you. I refrained myself from talking to you because I was afraid of this, what we have become today. I knew you deserved someone better than me and I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be any better than this bitch I am.

He didn't want anyone except the woman next to him, he'd rather rip his heart out than love someone who wasn't Lee Hana.

Hongjoong : I don't want someone better hana-ya.

Hana : you should. You know, whenever you do this, leaning against me, kissing me, touching me, or simply just existing in my life…hongjoong, your love gives me so much happiness.

Hongjoong pressed his lips together as tears fell from his eyes. He felt like exploding, like kissing hana and never letting go of her. How was he so stupid.

Hana : I never talk to you about my problems because I only wish to listen to yours. I want to protect you from the entire world so…so I listen to everything you say without breaking in between because I want to kill the person who hurt the man I love. I don't care about my problems, that's for me to deal another day. I only care about you, hongjoong. I don't even care for myself as much as I do for you.

Hongjoong sniffled, nuzzling deeper into hana's shoulders as hana said

Hana : I prefer listening to you than making you listen to my stupid problems that shouldn't matter. I push you away every time you try to kiss me because it makes me feel so fucking overwhelmed, it makes me feel like I'm going to fall apart because that's how much I feel.

Hongjoong was trying hard not to break down completely now. He never knew she felt all this, if he had…if only.

Hana : hongjoong if something happens to you, I will kill the cause of your pain before killing myself. If you die, then I will shred myself to a million pieces for not having protected you from harm. I could never live a life without you, ever.

Hongjoong sobbed, the sounds getting muffled as he pressed his head against hana's shoulders, kissing it. He heard hana say

Hana : hongjoong-ah, look at me.

Hongjoong shook his head, he couldn't. not when he was so ashamed of himself.

Hana : look at me, baby.

At that hongjoong lifted his head, looking directly at hana. His heart stopped as he looked into his girlfriend's tear filled eyes, the moonlight making it seem like diamonds. Because that's how precious those tears were to him. He had never seen her cry before, and now that he had, he felt like burying himself six feet under.

Hana : hongjoong, I love you.

A small gasp left hongjoong's lips, because despite everything he hadn't expected that.

Hana : I love you so much I could fucking die for you.

Hongjoong : hana.

Hongjoong crashed into hana's arms, sobbing on her shoulders as he pulled her to his lap. Hana smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, inhaling deeply as she tried to blink her tears away.

Hongjoong : god, I love you so much lee hana.

Hana : I love you, joong.

Hongjoong pulled back, putting his hand into his pocket and pulling out the velvet box before opening it. Hana's eyes widened

Hana : hongjoong-

Hongjoong : shh.

Hongjoong took the ring with blue diamonds on it and held it out for hana to hold as he said

Hongjoong : put it on me hana-ya, make me yours.

Hana sniffled and took the ring from hongjoong's hand before sliding it into his ring finger, kissing it after. Hongjoong smiled and took out the ring with the brown stones on it as hana held out her hand for him. Hongjoong chuckled and slid the ring into her finger as well, looking up at hana as he whispered

Hongjoong : happy birthday, love.

Hana looked into hongjoong's eyes, the eyes that still glowed under the stars, the eyes that made him more beautiful than the moon, the same eyes that looked at her like she was his everything.

And hongjoong looked into hana's eyes, the eyes that had brought him to her, the same eyes that had made him stay and the eyes that was his ray of light in the darkness. She was his star, she always would be until the day he died.

Hana smiled at hongjoong before leaning down, capturing his lips in hers and wrapping her arms around his neck. Hongjoong smiled and pulled her impossibly closer to him, reveling in her warmth and love.

And so they kissed each other, the blue stones in hongjoong's ring and the brown ones on hana's shining against the moonlight.

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#hongjoong #ateez hongjoong #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #kim hongjoong #fluff #kpop fluff #ateez angst #hongjoong angst #hongjoong fluff #kpop angst

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godlytransurfer · 2 years

Text

Lol I just had a random epiphany and I had sorta thought of this before but I’m gonna leave it here anyways in case someone needed it. Do you ever want to manifest enough money for a life change, yet don’t know exactly what imaginal scene or simplified feeling to use on repeat if that makes sense?

I often though that when I thought of having big amounts of money I’d be seeing a whole life travel movie or something very positively dramatic. Don’t get me wrong I always knew it didn’t have to be that long of a scene at all, and I don’t necessarily have an issue with imagining very cinematic things cuz i love to add a little ✨spice✨ to my experience. I know all about the knowing, the sustained feeling, etc. But sometimes I just wanted to make my “triggers” of the feeling of the wish fulfilled as fast to loop and feel as possible, and in a simple way so when I start getting sleepy or doing something else in the middle of the day, I wouldn’t almost forget the scene.

I have heard stories of people counting money and so on, and I’m guessing money in paper and finding it on my closet and stuff is great but I probably wanted much more than what a closet could fit. At this point i started to create a scene where I wake up to check my bank acc and I have the desired amount, and that it was a very specific day where one of my sps comes to pick me up and we start an amazing day, etc. This makes me feel all that peace, safety and positivity that I can be independent and fully enjoy life knowing I would never have to depend on someone else, and therefore I wouldn’t have to micromanage or pick my actions and performance with people apart. Don’t get me wrong it’s not something that I currently do but I never want to let myself into a situation where I could possibly sabotage myself like that If I ever had a rougher patch about my expectations for myself. I really want to manifest things in a way where I know that just besides my belief in myself, it would seem “hard” to logically undo, because it makes it feel sturdy.

(Note: ofc with more interesting things like spawning objects and other very obvious out of thin air stuff you can’t really do that and I have learned to accept it gladly but that’s not the main point of this post in my journey.)

Then although that quick scene is giving me amazing feelings, I quickly realized that also feeling it would be “next morning” perhaps continued to imply to me that it was a future thing. So I simply changed it to the feeling that when I am falling asleep, I already have seen those digits during the day as fact, and there is no waiting to do, because there never is. And it makes it a very specific thing to me as opposed to something “I have never experienced so I wouldn’t know for sure” type thing. Immersion goes a long way.

I know for some this might seem like a really obvious thing, maybe it’s not news for many people. However sometimes I feel like there’s a subtle but strong difference in logically creating an end vs actually start feeling something, specially if you have a history of dismissing things or not being selective with strong feelings. I used to work very well with creating long stories that even tho unlikely would make some sense to my somewhat esoteric brain and not impossible but with time I also had to learn how to make that into a more condensed, quick thing or else I’m gonna be all over the place and exhausted. That’s proof ur subconscious literally doesn’t care what methods u use sometimes as long as u don’t oppose but still... time to update for something less consuming in that sense maybe?

#godlytransurfer #law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #shifting #manifestation #self concept #joe dispenza #live in the end #sammy ingram #law of cause and effect #law of attraction #manifesting journey #the quantum field #the subconscious mind #the power of your subconscious mind #joseph murphy

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qwizzers · 9 months

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so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

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mairyuu · 2 years

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💕 + subkam

@traditionalartist (this is my other acc) @thiective since I got 3 subkam asks and this was first one, I’ll be replying here. They’re getting popular :D

I wrote this mainly with X timeline in mind, but I added other AUs somewhere in between. Since long + some nsfw I’ll keep it under-cut:

How did they meet?

In X they met after Kamui fell into catatonia. Subaru went within his heart and mind to try to persuade Kamui to come back to reality. Perhaps, beside obvious shared experiences and general compatibility, that’s also why they bonded instantly - because Kamui felt like he already let Subaru see depths of his soul, so there was no reason to conceal anything from him. In Horitsuba however, it was something out of shojo manga. One tripped down stairs and fell on top of another or something like that. Bonus if accidental kiss.

Who flirted with who first?

Both and neither? Subaru has no idea how to flirt so even if he said something flirtatious it was accidental (Kamui blushed that day away however). Kamui wasn’t bold enough to even try at first. Then gradually gained courage to compliment Subaru or tell him how much he cherish him. Subaru liked those compliments and confessions of devotion yet was uncomfortable at first by it because he doesn’t view himself as anything ‘good’ or ‘worthy of affection’ and privately assumed Kamui was idealizing him. Some of that turned to be true, but just after initial idealized view crushed down by reality of how flawed Subaru actually was, Kamui started loving him for real. Physical touch was never an issue between them however, they never shy away from it.

Was it love at first sight or a slowburn romance?

Interest and connection on first sight but feelings developed over time. So something in between. Kamui caught crush in next to no time, but it took him some time to fall in love actually as mentioned above. Still he fell before Subaru did, but he was gradually opening up more and more too. Certainly had a soft spot for Kamui.

Did they start dating right away or were they friends before things became romantic?

They were friends at first. Then emotional intimacy soared past above what ‘regular friendship’ ought to be like. But neither of them have much common sense so to them cuddling on bed with someone for half an hour is your normal friendship thing to do. After they realized they were dating not much changed, except open words of affection and kisses.

What was their first date?

Not much different from their regular hanging-outs (which were dates, just they didn’t know it). Kamui was nervous because of “officially dating” status. It lasted 5 mins however because Subaru noticed his anxiety, instinctively wanted to ease the discomfort, cupped Kamui’s cheek and asked what’s wrong. Kamui explained after some stuttering and evading the topic. Subaru ruffled his hair, kissed forehead and told Kamui he doesn’t have to worry about such things as long as he is in question. It eased Kamui’s worries and date continued tension-free.

What are their favourite things to do on date nights?

Since they’re both introverts they either go somewhere secluded (like coffee shops, parks, places on campus etc.) or stay inside. It’s dinner night (ofc Kamui cooks something), then silent cuddling on sofa; they enjoy each other’s company in relative silence. They even fell asleep like that once.

Do they still go on dates after being together for a while?

They do, but frequency depends on whether they live together. If they don’t, then beside sleepovers and drop-bys they regularly go on dates. If they live together than probably bit less. In case of post!X, Sakurazukamori!Subaru would probably want to keep his whereabouts a secret thus him and Kamui would regularly go on late night dates. Late dinner at local restaurant, long walks around the city until they end up in vacant park late at night. Some heart-to-heart talk or just wordless touch and comfort. Subaru would offer to walk him home afterwards.

What is their love language?

Comforting touch and silent reassurance. Words do provide comfort as well, but it’s mostly silent gestures that spell “I’m here for you, you’re not alone” that mean most to them.

Who kissed who first?

Kamui did. He kissed either in moment of desperation or after he became so overwhelmed by love that he couldn’t keep it in check anymore. In TRC it was Subaru after seeing Kamui stare at him with devotion and affection for nth time already; it encouraged him. Then it was - “Kamui can i try something? You can pull way any second if you don’t like it”

Who started the relationship?

Subaru couldn’t accept the confession at first, but he didn’t reject it either. He offered things such as “I’m no good for you, you deserve better”. Kamui got angry, not because of dismissal, but because Subaru thought of himself like that. They got into semi-fight, didn’t speak for few days, then eventually made-up and decided to give dating a try.

Monogamy or Polyamory?

Monogamy

Are they/do they plan on getting married?

Is gay marriage a thing in Japan? I don’t think they can legally get married but they live together and share everything with each other so it’s as close to being married as they can get.

Who proposed? Was it a yes or no?

Subaru suggested one day while cuddling on sofa that they can get each other rings. Nothing extravagant or too eye-catching, just simple silver rings. Kamui shouted yes instantly, then grinned for rest of the week.

Do they want kids? Who brought it up first?

In TRC no, for very obvious reasons. In X also no, given the apocalypse, Kamui’s age and all things going on in manga. In post!X scenario where world is saved, maybe a decade later they might consider adopting a kid but it depends on their mental states (how trauma affected them till then; they’d probably worry if they’re competent enough to take care of a child emotionally and mentally) and Subaru’s job. In Horitsuba however, there are no such drawbacks so they’d probably adopt a kid when in late twenties.

Do they already have kids, together or from previous relationships?

They don’t.

Do they have any routines/rituals in their relationship?

Every morning they cuddle in bed before getting up. No coherent words except brief sweet nothing into ears followed by tender caresses. If Subaru wakes up before Kamui he'd gaze at him lovingly, place a peck on forehead and get up. If it's Kamui, he'd seek warmth and snuggle up to Subaru, then purr delightfully. If post!X, then whenever Subaru returned from his assassination jobs, Kamui would detect his low mood and allow him space for hour or two. Then he'd wordlessly embrace Subaru, silent reassurance that he'll always be loved despite everything. They spend half of night like that. Subaru never commented anything, but Kamui knows being shown unconditional acceptance is something he privately cherishes.

How do they take care of each other when they are sick/hurt?

Kamui had better immune system and somewhat takes care of himself so he's more likely to get injured than sick. Subaru is systematic about taking care of him. Is concerned and worried (especially about how easily Kamui breaks bones) but deep down knows Kamui would be alright due to his powers. He dotes on Kamui, holds his hand and strokes hair while he's asleep. If possible, that devotion makes Kamui get better sooner. Subaru however, due to self neglect (he still has tendency to hide from Kamui, but not as much as before) he sometimes collapses or suffers from magical backlash. Kamui gets really worried and somewhat panicky. He refuses to leave Subaru's side until be gets better. Subaru reassures him he'll be fine but privately melts at devotion and affection.

How do they like to spend time together?

Study dates! Gazebo on campus became safe haven to them, because when there both of them are present in a moment rather than caught up in past tragedies or what is to come. It gives them sense of normalisy. In case one got injured, other will be by bed side as much as possible. Also ice cream dates are a must! They both prefer quiet settings where they can have their peace, so anywhere they can have their own ‘little space’ is a nice place to go.

What are their favorite non-sexual forms of intimacy?

Comforting touch and words of reassurance. Cuddles provide them with solace and passes ‘You can allow yourself to be vulnerable for a little while’ as silent message. They sometimes resort to mushy talk but both tend to get embarrassed by exaggerated love declarations so they use it as teasing only. Subaru loves caressing Kamui’s hair and face; Kamui instantly leans into touch and lets out hums of approvals (or purrs). Similarly Kamui loves cuddling into Subaru’s body warmth, so if they’re embracing each other Kamui would snuggle into his chest. Subaru finds it adorable. Subaru on other side, loves handholding; Kamui found that out in next to no time and ever since used every chance to entwine their fingers together. Even during tutoring seasons.

What are some of their favorite things about their partner?

Kamui loves how patient and caring Subaru is and how he always manages to find a right thing to say when Kamui is feeling low. Sometimes Subaru just knows no words would fix the situation so he just cuddles him and shows him that he’s there. On more mundane things, Kamui adores watching Subaru sleep; generally loves seeing him relaxed and not melancholic for once. Also Subaru once smiled for real and Kamui thought his heart might stop. As much as Subaru adores Kamui’s cute and uncertain side, he loves seeing him bold and resolved. It doesn’t happens often so when it does Subaru cherishes it even more. Subaru finds Kamui ethereally beautiful and sometimes catches himself staring at Kamui (who adores it privately).

How do they comfort the other when they are upset?

Tender touch, kind words and tiny silent gestures. We’ve seen in X how Subaru offered comfort so naturally, but it’s a bit trickier when Kamui tries to reciprocate. Subaru doesn’t believe he deserves comfort and tries to deflect it. It took Kamui a bit to realized what Subaru was doing, and then a bit longer to understand why. Since then he decided to be discrete about offering Subaru comfort so his ‘ah, this is too much for someone as ‘worthless’ as me, I don’t deserve it’ alarm wouldn’t go off. He prepares meals Subaru likes, gives him massages and silently hugs without asking why he’s feeling low out of sudden, thanks him for little things he’s done before; even sometimes says “I love you, even if you think you’re not worthy of it”.

Who buys the other spontaneous gifts?

Subaru. Kamui does sometimes too, but it’s minor things such as food (because he just knows Subaru sometimes forgets to eat) or house items such as decors. He just, doesn’t have money for anything more expensive. Subaru however, he lacks common sense about what reasonable prices for things are, especially clothing (ahem, Hokuto’s doing). He’d see a necklace that’s totally overpriced, think how elegant it’ll look on Kamui and buys it as a gift. Kamui is speechless by such gifts of course. Once Subaru forgot to remove price tag from piece of jewelry, Kamui saw how much it cost and nearly died on spot, both from shock and realization how much he was cherished and doted on.

What position do they sleep in?

Usually cuddled together: Subaru wraps arms around Kamui’s frame and brings him into his chest; Kamui snuggles beneath his chin and holds onto Subaru’s shirt. Sometimes Subaru falls asleep on back and Kamui cuddles into his side, places head on chest and listens to heartbeat; it calms him down and lures into slumber too.

Do they bathe/shower together?

Yes. Showers are usually brief (unless they’re doing something else there) while baths serve as relaxation to them. They don’t take long baths together often but when they do, they stay there cuddled for at least an hour.

Do they do anything else in the bath/shower other than wash?

They had sex few times in a shower. Subaru would be taking a shower and Kamui would knock on door asking if he can join; if tone wavers, Subaru knows what Kamui really wants. They’d either get each other off, or Kamui would wrap legs around Subaru’s waist, Subaru would pin him to wall and take him. Once they’ve gotten into an argument and Subaru went into shower to cool head off; Kamui was having none of silent treatment stuff and went after him. Emotional pent-up frustration turned into sexual, Kamui shoved him into wall and started kissing and groping rather roughly. Then provoked Subaru into being rougher and more dominant as well. In the end Subaru pushed him face into shower wall and took firmly. They once tried sex in bath - didn’t account how thrusts would splash water onto tiles. Instead of having fun they ended up cleaning up bathroom. Never again.

In the bedroom - Vanilla, a little spice, or kinky af?

All three. In beginning it was only vanilla, until they got comfortable not only with each other, but own body and desires as well. Little by little kinks were introduced (mainly by Kamui but Subaru gladly accepted it all). All until Subaru ended up handcuffed to bedframe and blindfolded one night. Kamui went down on him and edged for an hour. After that there was no stopping them kinks, not when Kamui’s hormones were raging and Subaru discovering his repressed kinks and fetishes. However from time to time they have emotional or comforting sex, where they mainly focus on love and passion. So in the middle ground: little spice.

In TRC and Horitsuba they switch regularly, but Subaru tops a bit more often since he has more patience and endurance than Kamui. In X since Subaru is older (and Kamui discovered he has a thing for submitting and being dominated by him, yes thank you) and has more calm patient demeanor, he also tops more often. But curiosity got best of both, so Subaru coaxed Kamui into topping him few times. Even if Kamui dreamed sometimes secretly about it himself, he was uncertain of both own skill and Subaru’s comfort. Subaru reassured him during sex that he’s enjoying it. They savor little dynamic shift from time to time.

For applicable ships - who tops/bottoms?

For applicable ships - who is more dominant/submissive?

They often have sex where both have equal amount of power, so to speak. But when dom/sub undertones settle in, they switch about roles. If Kamui is feeling bold, he’d either seduce Subaru, dominate him, then climb into lap and ride like a champion, or he’d lose it completely, push Subaru down and have his way with him. Either topping or bottoming, Subaru gladly submits and enjoys every second of Kamui’s bolder side. Kamui sometimes provokes Subaru into taking the lead too; coy behavior, revealing or suggestive clothing, alluring touch or overall being desirable. When bait is taken, Subaru would be more upfront and dominant, Kamui would melt and yield instantly. Subaru is usually calm, composed and somewhat passive - seeing him out of sorts and authoritative is major turn-on for Kamui.

What is their favorite sex position?

They prefer to face each other during sex, that way they notice every change in expression, intake every silent grunt and emotion flashing over face. It’s the ‘show me everything, I want to see it all’ sort of thing, as well as byproduct of affection and devotion they share. Beside that they love to wrap arms around each other and sometimes even kiss during sex (if they’re not to breathless, but even then messy make-out is more than welcomed). So either Kamui ridding or one laying on top of another.

Do either of them enjoy bringing sex toys into the bedroom?

Yes, but not all. They avoid impact play toys, such as whips, floggers (unless used for stimulation) or things that can turn dangerous. Kamui loves penetrative/anal toys, such as vibrators, dildos, butt plugs (fever dream of his that he’s too embarrassed to even consider suggesting - fur tail butt plug) and restraining gear such as handcuffs or straps - it’s because he enjoys giving up control and showing Subaru how much he trust him. Subaru shares those kinks too. He enjoys toys that serve as sensory deprivation such as blindfolds or bondage; especially if combined with body worship, that really gets him going, especially if he’s one restrained. Kamui loves being tied up too but has far less patience. Once Subaru used cock-ring on him and Kamui got so frustrated that tears of total desperation emerged on eyes’ corners. Subaru was alarmed by that (even if nothing serious happened, just a reflex) that he put halt to things. They’d probably try it some time again after Kamui works on self-control a bit more.

Favorite place to have sex?

Any soft surface such as bed or couch (even carpet can do it).

Most adventurous place they’ve had sex?

In TRC they probably had more sex in risky places than in private ones. They probably did it in a forest, in a desert, in river or some cave, out on filed in middle of the night. In acid Tokyo word probably behind some stone slab after three years of separation. In X either in school library (between bookshelves or closet room next to it) or in Seals’ dorm while everyone is there. During lunch Kamui did something to accidentally arouse Subaru on sight. He blushed slightly, excused himself and went into bathroom. Kamui put two and two together, got turned on by turning Subaru on and couldn’t resist following him. They had to be really quick and really really quiet. Kamui still wonders somedays if Sorata and Karen know what happened that afternoon.

How often do they fight? What about?

Not often. They don’t fight over mundane minor stuff. But when they do it’s probably fight triggered by something relatively minor but actually indicator of major issue. Which usually come down to one being self-destructive, Kamui being stubborn from time to time or Subaru implicitly distancing himself by habit. For example: Subaru visibly neglects his own wellbeing (not sleeping, skipping meals) and becomes sort of depressed (punishing and harming himself due to trauma). Kamui gets worried, tries to point thing out and mentions how Subaru promised he would take care of himself for both their sake’s; but Subaru distances himself and deflects the issues (becomes dissociated completely). Kamui, being so young and raw, lashes out due to feeling hurt and says something rash in heat of a moment. Subaru would pull back into self-destructive barrier even more then. Kamui would engage in self-punishing and isolating behavior too; until Subaru comes to him (maybe even after few days) and points out how it hurts seeing Kamui like that, how both of them are hypocrites and how he wants to try to get better for Kamui’s sake but still can’t find self-worth to do so for own. Kamui apologizes for angry outbursts, being insensitive in a moment and explains himself too: how he wants to offer Subaru space but is hurt when Subaru distance himself and closes off. Those issues root deep, they can’t be changed overnight, wounds might never heal, but at least they’re openly talking about it now; neither of them are abandoned to own pains and hardships anymore.

Have they ever broken up?

If they started dating during X timeline, then post Rainbow Bridge would be type of implicit ‘don’t seek me out, you’re better off without me’ type of break-up. However following what I wrote above, if such fight occurred it’s possible Kamui would break up with Subaru in a heat of a moment or that Subaru would once more decide that Kamui is better of with someone who’s not “broken and sick” like he is (depression, on top of trauma and low self-worth would cloud Subaru’s mind, make him hyperfocus on own ‘worthlessness’ and how Kamui ‘deserves better’; so thought that he’s selfishly deciding what Kamui wants wouldn’t cross his mind due to bad mental state because he sees no reason why Kamui would want to stay with him). Break up might last some time, especially if Subaru went into seclusion, but they’d instantly crave each other’s company. After gathering courage and pinning hard and long enough, Kamui would seek Subaru out and after some difficult talk and maybe even tears they’d make up.

Messy breakup, amicable split, remain friends, ride or die or til death do us part?

It’d be silent breakup if tragedy in X separates them, or Subaru takes role as Sakurazukamori and totally disappears from Kamui’s life (in misguided attempt to protect Kamui but also himself since it’s ‘better’ for him to close off than risk to be emotionally hurt again). If they meet again they might start off as friends however but yearning and leftovers of feels would persist. Whether they’d act on those emotions and tension is debatable (depends on many factors). But otherwise it’s ride or die type of thing - “anything and everything for you”

#thanks for ask!#subkam #kamui shirou #subaru sumeragi #x/1999

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meowmeowmessi · 1 year

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and they're trying to take away from AlbicelesteTalk's credibility now just because they can't accept it 😭 like frst of all, it's not even their info, they're only reposting from the interview??? second, what did they expect lmao? yk that one cmvnga or whatever acc that's always posting shit about messi despite the 50 diff players in his carrd? they're the ones obsessed like be fr now. if your fave really is the best (lol) then why are you getting so worked up? reeks of insecure imo. i KNOW it's the face card more than anything (which i rly dont see im sorry but to each their own 😭😭) bc how can you genuinely look at both careers even only up to 24 and decide messi isn't better... don't even get started on the actual playing like??? he's not real and no one will ever compare, least of all someone who declined his 'dream club' for psg's bank account and look where that got him 🤥. also about the rent-free thing,,,,, he was asked in an interview and actually spoke pretty well about m*appe (i dont wanna potentially get jumped 😭) and y'all wanna pretend he insulted him or was salty just because he didn't say he's the best?? which he isn't???? again: reeks of insecure.

HE DID SPEAK WELL ABOUT MBAPPE gosh i totally forgot to mention this in my previous response shsjdjsk like of course he brought him up they were literally teammates back in PSG 😭 he literally said mbappe is a good kid why are yall acting like he murdered your dog be serious now 😭

i actually don't know who this cmvnga person is (and judging by what you're telling me maybe that's a good thing lmao i do appreciate retaining my braincells) but yeah i'm going to keep saying what i've always been saying: the recency bias regarding mbappe is insane. like, comparing mbappe to any version of messi is the closest thing you can come to blasphemy in football i think, or even sports in general, but especially if you're comparing him to what messi was like at his age: messi had FOUR ballon d'ors by the time he was 24. FOUR. and he won them back to back to back to back. i don't think people realize just how absolutely ridiculous that is. it's a record that's probably never going to get beaten in the history of football ever.

moreover, after his loss in the 2014 wc final, messi was an absolutely demon at club level- like a man on a mission. meanwhile this is mbappe after the wc:

(the 10 rating was in a match against psg ultras 😭 his own fanboys 😭)

face card aside, i do think another reason people latch onto mbappe is bc there hasn't been a black "it boy" like him in football? (do tell me if i'm wrong, though!) his fanbase has a noticable split (on social media at least) between ronaldo stans who jumped ship after his "fall from grace" (so to speak) and tiktok girlies who take the kpopification of football a bit too far 💀💀

bottom line is- messi's comparison only exists in pelé and maradona, and i think these weird fangirls and media outlets with their agendas aside, most people have actually accepted this fact now. and we can all thank la scaloneta for that. they actually saved football tbqh

#i've seen people saying mbappe actually loves psg which is so funny to me like bro that's a retirement club be serious now..#he was planning on going to real madrid before they bumped up his wages and made him stay pls #ppl talk about mbappe's pace a lot but ankara messi would've left him in the dust #new footy fans who can't fathom what messi means to the sport are the bane of my existence on god #asks

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soobnny · 2 years

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GUESS WHO?

☆.｡.:* as an idol, you have a myriad of responsibilities. among these are maintaining a good image and pleasing the fans, having a stan twt acc? maybe not so much. not that you and sunoo are admitting to anything. then again, you don’t exactly expect to find each other as fan accs undercover and you equally don’t expect to start catching feelings.

note: after a conversation w my bffies i have decided to post a chapter of guess who

previous ⟡ masterlist ⟡ next

taglist: @amakumos @giyyuzz @ja4hyvn @candidupped @ily-cuz-i @clarakyunisageek @jalnandanz @sqnwo @hakuyeo @fairybinie @jungwoniics @sunoo-bby @jungwonerz @mitsukifilms @iyeonjuni @pixyseeun @yougeans @rikibae @ni-kiminajj @odxrilove @onedreampalette @pr0dbeomgyu @coolcloudpsychichumanoid @i-m4rk @c9tnoos @hyuckslytherin @prettysweet02 @primorange @yjwfav @kuro-kuromi @prettywon @xayaya @soobin-chois @knrejj @sukirene @vanillxangxl @baekhyunstruly @you-njinhwang @from-xero @acciomylove-blog @jjunis @angelicncity @sunarindior @clar-iii @xtra-cheese @heeseunqie @ceoyjw @cwsana @countlessmoons @meijiamikas @meiiiwa @ferxanda

chapter 24 — wrong number? damn fr?

It takes Kim Sunoo a longer time than he anticipated to click the call button. Before the major task of clicking the call button, you had exchanged phone numbers (which neither of you were sure to be a good idea, but you reasoned you could always change your number if your identity was revealed).

When he finally does it, he throws his phone on his bed before jumping after it. Every ring elicits a sweat to drip down his forehead despite the cold season, and his roommates are (not) slyly exchanging glances before staring at Sunoo to see where this would go.

There is a moment of silence after you pick up before you speak — Sunoo swears it’s the longest second he has ever encountered.

“Hello… is this Sunwoo?“ Your voice comes out from the other line and it’s way more beautiful than Sunoo imagined it would be. He wishes to put your voice on record and replay it over and over in case this was your first and only chance to call.

“Sunoo! Tell her it’s the wrong number. It’ll be funny.” Riki whispers loudly, blowing his cover and jumping beside Sunoo on the bed trying to listen to as much of the conversation as he could. He was the first to give up of the 4 roommates.

“Sorry, who? He must’ve given you the wrong number.”

Sunoo’s voice comes out more shaky than he would have hoped, which Jungwon giggles at. He closes his mouth the moment Sunoo throws him a glare.

“Y’all there’s no way… no way deez nuts are gonna believe you, shut up Sunwoo, you would never give me the wrong number!”

Your response elicits loud laughter from the boys. Riki whispers ‘you’re a keeper’ to Sunoo which gets him a throw of a pillow in response. “Stop listening in on our conversation!” He whispers at them, covering his phone speakers with his hand to make sure you can’t hear.

When the boys refuse to leave, and instead continuously tease Sunoo by bumping shoulders with him (and Riki singing ‘Sunoo and Angel sitting in the tree!’), he’s forced to put on a hoodie and walk towards the balcony of their dorm to get a little bit of privacy. And when the coast is clear, he’s left to wonder what to say to you.

He tells you the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Hi.”

The both of you laugh at the initial awkwardness, and Sunoo doesn’t know why but he finds himself blushing at the sound of your voice.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so nervous talking to you. I’ve literally been saying the weirdest shit to you on dms and suddenly I’m so shy.” You scratch your head even though he can’t see you, but by the tone of your voice, the both of you can tell that you’re both smiling softly.

“No, it’s cute, you’re really cute.”

His response makes your smile increase tenfold, coughing out nervously as your face feel your face start to heat up. “Shut up, loser. You’re just saying that so I’ll keep talking to you.”

You sound really cute. Sunoo realizes he wouldn’t mind listening to your voice everyday.

“So… we’re calling, huh? Can’t believe we’re getting this intimate already. Sunwoo, how could you suggest such a thing?”

“You agreed so we’re both to blame for this.”

When you laugh, Sunoo’s left to think what it could possibly feel like to fall asleep to the sound of such a beautiful laugh.

“You sound like you’re outside?”

“Yeah, just for a little bit. I’ll be back inside the dorm soon.”

“Okay, just be sure to keep warm okay, the season’s kind of cold lately.”

Sunoo feels warm at the idea that you care about his well being. “I will, you too, okay? How are you? Tell me everything. I like hearing your voice.”

Sunoo moves to get back inside the dorm, getting comfortable while continuing to talk to you, and he finds that he can’t stop listening to you. There’s something about the way you speak that captivates him, and he finds that he wants to hear more of you.

He’s thankful he has found someone who got along with him so terribly well, and understands him — as if you’re a reflection of himself. There’s a comfortable silence after you speak for what seems like hours, accompanied by an absence of needing to pretend to be awkward because you know you feel safe with each other, and you know you understand each other well despite only knowing each other for a few weeks.

“Do you ever wanna run away sometimes?”

Sunoo gets cut off of his own thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Like… well, you love your life, and you don’t ever wanna feel indifferent to the happiness it’s giving you. But at the same time, don’t you ever wanna run away?”

Sunoo laughs a little before falling silent as he thinks about it. “Sometimes, yeah. Things can get really overwhelming sometimes, but I just think of the reason why I started. I do wanna run away sometimes too though, even for just a few days.”

“Me too. I wanna go home and just be, even for a few days sometimes.”

Sunoo allows himself to think about it — really think about the words you had told him. And in a way, he resonates with you (more than he thought he already could). Running away… sounds great if it was with you. Even for just a few days.

You’re his safe space, and he is yours, even though the pair of you haven’t realized it yet. And Sunoo thinks he wouldn’t mind running away with the one person he feels he can just let out a long deep breath with when the world caves in on you.

“Run away with me.”

“Okay, Tomorrow by Together.” You both laugh. “I would if I could though. How fun would that be, to go places together?”

“Really fun if it’s with you.”

You smile fondly.

“Sunwoo, you really have to stop saying things like that before I catch feelings.” You say jokingly (and if you think you’re no longer joking anymore, you don’t say anything). Sunoo grimaces at the name you call him, he forgot you didn’t know who you were actually talking to.

“You know, on this topic, you kind of sound like Kim Sunoo. Are you really going all out to make me fall for you Sunwoo? You know, you could just do that with your personality, right?”

And if Sunoo thought you sounded a little bit like his favorite idol, he didn’t say anything either. I mean, what are the odds you both were idols undercover? He thought the probability was less than likely.

You laugh before you fall silent at the realization of your words. “Not that I’m in love with you and your personality or anything.”

“Sure, sure. Didn’t know you were that in love with me, Angel. It’s okay, I kind of like you too. And uhh.. on the side note, I get that comment a lot.”

“Shut up.”

“I do! You’re my favorite thing these days.”

“Again with your words! How are you so good at that?”

“Jake.”

Sunoo’s eyes widen at the slip up before he coughs. “My friend Jake is really smooth, I learned it from him.”

Sunoo hopes you don’t think much of it (you don’t).

“Well, I have to go and rest. My roommates are nagging at me, and I’ve still got lots to do tomorrow. Wish me luck.” You laugh a little. “I’m still a little scared of disappointing everyone.”

“Good luck tomorrow. I'm willing to bet you’ll do great in whatever it is you’ll do. You’ve got this! I’m willing to carry with you all the weight so don’t be afraid to tell me anything. I got you, always.”

“Thanks, Sunwoo. It really does mean a lot. Goodnight! Get lots of rest, okay?”

“I will. You too. Goodnight, Angel.”

Sunoo smiles at his phone long after the call has ended. He grips onto it tightly before letting out a tiny squeal. Jungwon smiles softly at how happy Sunoo is, and hopes for more moments like these.

Jungwon likes the happiness that replaced the exhaustion Sunoo usually felt at the end of the day.

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autisticcassandracain · 2 years

Text

The reason the portrayal of Orion as a bad guy/his corruption arc in the Orion solo worked whereas pretty much all other similar portrayals of him have failed and failed miserably is because a) Orion’s corruption arc was based on outside manipulation and his own choices, rather than an innately evil nature, and b) throughout the arc, Orion’s goals never fundamentally change. Also, of course, the redemption arc afterwards helped, but that’s not what I’d like to focus on in this post.

The biggest problem with bad portrayals of Orion is pretty much always the way they stare themselves blind at Orion’s supposedly ‘evil’ nature, without considering just about any other aspect of his character. They see the way he struggles with anger, with bloodthirsty impulses, the way he can be gruff and battle-hungry and even, at times, cruel, and they say ‘well that must be all there is to his character!’ and somehow manage to miss the part where literally his entire character is based on rejecting that nature.

Orion is a character who struggles with anger and bloodthirst, but who has chosen to be good. He wants to protect others, above all, and he does everything in his power to do so. He enjoys fighting, yes, but the reason he does it is not because he enjoys it, but because it is his primary way to help others. Reducing Orion to the impulses he is constantly fighting against, rather than the choices he makes, and how those choices make him a fundamentally heroic person, is a gross misunderstanding of his character.

The Orion solo doesn’t do that. Orion’s goal, throughout his entire corruption arc, is to help and protect others. It never changes. But the choices he makes in service of that goal get progressively more morally dubious, until they finally land at a point where they are inexcusable.

Throughout the arc, Orion exhibits a pattern of constantly moving goalposts of morality. What I think is very well done in this arc is how, at least in the beginning, all of his choices make complete sense, and are so understandable that the viewer likely won’t even question them.

Orion throwing his motherbox away for the fight with Darkseid is completely reasonable; he agreed to fight without outside aid, and the motherbox is a powerful tool in battle. But later in the fight it is revealed that, in fact, he was not without aid; his bracelets still allowed him to summon the astro-force, which gave him the ability to protect himself when Darkseid cheated and used his omega beams, winning Orion the battle. The choice to keep his bracelets as a safeguard is also completely and utterly reasonable; Darkseid, known schemer, was likely to try something during the fight, and keeping the means to use his power close at hand despite promising otherwise provided Orion the means to counter this and win. Both the choice to throw away the motherbox and to keep his bracelets were completely logical.

And they were wrong! By throwing away his motherbox but keeping his means to battle, he symbolically rejected the peace of New Genesis and accepted the battle of Apokolips. Rather than choosing to rely on a tool of kindness, he chose to rely on a tool of destruction. This was his first mistake, and his motherbox stops functioning afterwards.

And it’s a brilliant moment, because chances are, you won’t question it the first time you read it. Orion isn’t making any callous or needlessly cruel choices here; he is thinking like a warrior, first and foremost, and his choices make complete sense. There isn’t even any real moral dubiousness here, aside from the symbolism. And if this was where it had stayed, there would’ve been a good chance for things with motherbox and Orion to be fixed without it escalating.

But that’s not where it stayed. Darkseid sets a plan in motion to manipulate Orion into darkness, not realizing that he’ll end up completely in over his head. With the manipulation of Mortalla and fatherbox, Orion is subtly influenced to move the goalposts. First, he accepts an Apokoliptian fatherbox in place of his New Genesian motherbox, again, a symbolic exchange of values. Then, when a bunch of overpowered Billion Dollar Bates clones escape, he is convinced by fatherbox that a weapon of mass destruction is necessary to destroy the clones, lest they destroy Apokolips. And it works! And the situation was dire enough that it was difficult to imagine what else could have stopped them. And again, it’s absolutely the wrong choice, something that Orion himself, even at the time, seems to be somewhat aware of:

[Image: a panel of a newly-made firepit, with Orion, off-panel, saying “A firepit! The hellborer’s legacy! Another mystery of Apokolips is solved. My first official act as a ruler of this dark world is to save her population... and rupture her very fabric. And ill omen? I wonder.”]

Orion’s willingness to use a weapon of mass destruction, so powerful it ruptures the very surface of the planet he’s trying to protect, is an example of how he moves the goalposts of morality in a dire circumstance. Earlier in the series, he refused to seriously harm humans attacking him, even before he realized they were being controlled by the anti-life equation. Now, he’s using a weapon of mass destruction. The clones are dubiously alive at best, yes, and Desaad told Orion they had no minds of their own; but after the clones broke free, something Desaad openly said he didn’t think they could do, Orion should have stepped back and evaluated the situation, realizing that these clones may be more alive than previously expected. Even if they weren’t, using a weapon with this level of destructive power is not something he should have done.

But, at the end of the day, he did it to protect the people of Apokolips. His goals have remained unchanged.

As the series progresses, this moving of the goalposts continues, until it starts becoming less and less acceptable. Only an issue later, he drops Mantis into the Unholy See, after threatening to do so if Mantis didn’t reveal who helped him enter New Genesis. The thing is, Mantis did reveal this. And Orion dropped him anyway.

This is in contrast to what happened only two issues earlier, when he threatens Desaad for information. Desaad says he’ll give it to him in exchange for protection, which Orion promises. And he keeps his promise, even after Desaad tries to trick him.

And thing is? He directly references his success with threatening Desaad when holding Mantis above the Unholy See:

[Image: text balloon reading “This approached worked so well with Desaad recently, I thought to try it a second time.”]

The difference in morality between Orion when he threatens Desaad, vs when he threatens Mantis, is even remarked upon by Desaad. These two panels are only an issue apart, the first after Orion fails to fall for Desaad’s scheme or be corrupted by the promise of power, the second after Orion drops Mantis into the Unholy See:

[Image: panel of Desaad thinking “All my work for naught! Can you never be seduced by darkness, Orion? Then die.. a martyr to your cause!”]

[Image: panel of Desaad saying “How very ruthless, Orion... you’re becoming more and more like Darkseid with every passing day.”]

Orion keeps spiraling, becoming more ruthless and cruel with each issue, until he gets the anti-life equation. He did not seek it out; it was given to him. But once he has it, you can see how he quickly escalates in using it. And this escalation is very easily identifiable as unsafe and even evil, because we, the readers, have the distance needed to realize that using a mindcontrol tool, even with the best of intentions, is a very, very bad idea.

Regardless, the escalation makes perfect sense when you look at Orion’s chain of actions, and their perceived result by him. His very first act with the equation is to ressurect Desaad, but this is more to test the waters than anything. Still, Orion immediately plans to use the equation to force Apokolips to his will.

And yet, the first actual time Orion uses the equation on a living being, is to save those previously mindcontrolled, and return their will to them. He didn’t do this because he wanted power; he did this solely because he had the power to help them, so he did. And it worked! The humans returned to proper life, and were ecstatic about it. Using the equation had positive effects. And thus, what should prevent Orion from using it again, later, on Apokolips?

Before he restores will to the humans, he thinks this:

[Image: panel of Orion thinking “The humans - more casualties of Desaad’s mad quest for power, burned out by his demonic devices. Soulless automatons... as I have made Desaad... and yet... there may be something I can do for them!”]

Orion directly acknowledges that Desaad did the same thing to them has he is currently doing to Desaad. But while he recognizes Desaad’s actions as despicable, he does not apply that same concept of morality to his own. Why?

Because Orion had made a distinction between the ‘innocent’ and the ‘guilty’, and how they should be treated. To an extent, this has always been in Orion’s character; he goes out to battle the guilty, to protect the innocent. But his stay on Apokolips, the manipulation by fatherbox and Mortalla, and his own increasingly immoral choices have already lead Orion to loose sight of the base humanity you should display to all, even your enemies. His own control of Desaad does not count and is not equivalent to Desaad’s own control of the humans, because the humans were innocent, and Desaad is not.

This mindset is reinforced throughout the rest of the arc, and it escalates. First, when Orion returns to Apokolips, he forces dozens if not hundreds of Granny’s troops to commit suicide for trying to murder innocent children; then he progressively keeps escalating, until finally, we see Orion cruelly taunting his father, prolonging his ‘execution’ even as Darkseid has no means of retaliating, before finally trying to force Darkseid to kill himself.

And he revels in it. He is clearly enjoying the cruelty. Orion has finally moved the goalposts so far that he has lost sight of all humanity, the kind of peace and kindness he has spent his whole life trying to choose above cruelty and destruction.

And yet, through all that, his goals never change. He is trying to protect others. He, likely unintentionally, orders Granny Goodness’s pupils to be happy, to be friends. He continues on to order the whole of Apokolips to have peace, to stop their destruction, achieving what was his goal from the moment he became the ruler of Apokolips: to bring them peace. Then he realizes that Earth may be a threat, but rather than destroy it, he forces everyone to “do no harm, love each other, and lay down your weapons”. At last, he realizes that he has the power to eradicate war and strife from the universe, and sets out to do so.

This is a very logical escalation pattern, especially when you consider that Orion does not see any of the negative effects his orders have on people. He doesn’t see a driver swerve and kill himself to avoid hitting pedestrians. All he sees are adoring people, finally free from hurt. Adoring people who are accepting him, after a lifetime of struggling with fitting in.

[Image: page showing Orion surrounded by adoring people, all flocking to him. The narration says: “Meanwhile, on Earth, the cherry blossoms are blooming around the tidal basin, the streets of Washington DC are filled with smiling faces, and Orion has gone out to walk among mortals.” The people flocking to Orion are saying “He’s got the common touch!”, “There he is!”, “Gee... thanks, Orion! The bullies are my friends now!”, “It’s just like he said! Peace on Earth!” “Good will to men!” Orion smiles, and says, “I can’t believe it. After all this time, I’ve found the two things I’ve been searching for... Harmony and acceptance. At last, I am fulfilled.”]

Throughout his corruption arc, Orion’s goals never fundamentally change. All he wants is to create harmony for others, to protect them from harm, and to be accepted himself. What changes is not his goals, but the lengths to which he’s willing to go to reach them, and the level of cruelty he’s willing to employ in the process.

And the reason that changes is not because of any innate evilness he has, but because all the increasingly immoral choices he makes continue to pay off. Throwing away the motherbox and keeping the bracelets enabled him to defeat Darkseid; using fear and dirty tactics against Desaad got him the necessary information; using a weapon of mass destruction to destroy the clones saved Apokolips; using fear and dirty tactics against Mantis got him the information he needed and rid him of a dangerous enemy; using the anti-life equation to return the will to the humans gave them happiness; using the anti-life equation to force Granny Goodness’ guards into committing suicide saved innocent children; using the anti-life equation to force peace onto Apokolips did successfully create peace; etc. etc.

Who cares if he’s listening to a fatherbox from Apokolips instead of a motherbox from New Genesis, Mortalla instead of Lightray or another New Genesian; he is getting results. Who cares if his choices become increasingly immoral; he is getting results.

The reason this arc works so well is because it never changes Orion’s goals of peace and harmony for all, and has his increasing immorality be the result of outside manipulation and his own personal choices, rather than an innate ‘evilness’ in his being. This makes the arc infinitely more compelling than other shitty/evil Orions, since Orion’s actions in this comic make sense for his character, and make logical sense as well.

What this comic understands that many others seem to miss is that while Orion can be cruel, angry, and bloodthirsty, he is none of these things without reason. He directs them towards his enemies, who are people who threaten innocent lives and peace as a whole. Never once, in this entire arc, does Orion knowingly attack an innocent. But he becomes increasingly ruthless and immoral towards his enemies, and eventually, he looses sight of what real peace, real happiness, entails, inadvertently harming those he seeks to protect.

Essentially, this comic understands that while Orion may, at times, be a monster, he is always a noble one.

#this is kinda rambly and i should probably give it a re-read but no im tired #orion #dc orion #orion dc #the fourth world #my posts #infodumping

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sckyie · 4 years

Text

wish we never met | tsukishima kei

word count: 1.1k

genre: angst if you dont look too close?

pronouns used: female insert

a/n: this is from my wattpad acc lol so im posting it here; im still writing star dust, it comes out this monday so if anyone wants to be on the taglist pls msg me !

✎...

"God you could be such a needy brat sometimes!"

"Is that what you think of me? A brat?"

"Yes! Y/n, you're an annoying brat who is always needy for attention! I don't get why we're even dating!"

"Argh! You're such an asshole!"

"Oh yea? What are you gonna do leave?"

"Yea Kei! I'm leaving!"

"God I wish we never met!"

With that, you slammed the door behind you with those words echoing in your ears. You loved him, you did but wishing you never met? That's what stung. You found yourself at the empty park. You sat alone by the water fountain, trying to stop the tears. You turned and stared at the glistening water streaming in the fountain with all the coins at the bottom.

"If you throw a coin, your wish will come true," You whispered to yourself. You remembered your change from earlier and pulled out a coin. "Make his wish come true."

The night came to an end with Tsukishima sleeping, not knowing his actions from the night before had created a ripple in his life.

The morning came around and something felt different to him. You weren't next to him, your scent was gone, and something was off in his room. Nonetheless, he got up early and began to get dressed for early practice. As Tsukishima pulls open his drawers, he noticed that your clothes weren't in there like normal. He shrugged it off as if he was imagining things but then noticed the photo by his bed wasn't the same. It was a family photo instead of your first anniversary.

Tsukishima believed he was just imagining things and left to go to school. Usually in the morning, he'd pass by your house to say good morning from your window. He stood at your doorstep to find, well nothing. Your window was shut and the cars in your driveway were missing. "Tsk, she's still mad at me?" He mumbled to himself. He went on his way to school and found the third years already changing in the club room.

"Tsukki, you're early?" Suga pointed out. "You didn't walk with Yamaguchi today?"

"No," Tsukishima said bluntly. He walked over to where he usually puts his bag and noticed that the keychain on it was missing. It was a little heart with your name on it, it was gone from the zipper.

While Tsukishima was in his thoughts, Daichi decided to ask him a question to get him out of his head. "Hey Tsukishima, why haven't you gotten a girlfriend yet?" He asks.

"Huh?" Tsukishima whipped his head towards the captain. He does have a girlfriend, you.

"You don't seem to like anyone and I've seen you turn down multiple girls," Daichi says.

"You're delusional," Tsukishima scoffed and he began to dress for practice.

After practice he noticed how off things were, your locker in the front was replaced with another name. The posters you made for art club weren't up. Then once class rolled around, your seat was empty. What took the cake, was your name wasn't called during role call. Tsukishima knew something was wrong. Why did you suddenly go missing?

Then during lunch, Tsukishima had lunch with Yamaguchi and some of the players. "I have a question," Tsukishima says. "Do any of you know a L/n Y/n?"

"Hm? Where'd you get that name?" Tanaka asked.

"Is she cute?" Nishinoya munched on his snacks. "She sounds cute."

"No? Tsukki who is she?" Yamaguchi says.

"No one, I guess," He says.

"Oh! Did you hear? The Seijoh manager is a cute first year!" Tanaka exclaimed. "Apparently many girls applied to be a manager but she's related to the coach."

"Ooo! Maybe we could talk to her later today!" Nishinoya smiled.

After school, there was a practice match against Aoba Johsai. As the boys set up the volleyball net, the doors were opened slowly. You pushed the door open with the cooler of cold waters behind you. Everyone stopped and turned their attention to you. "Hello everyone," You bowed. "I'm L/n Y/n, I'm the Seijoh manager. I was wondering if you could show me where I could set up my teams things?"

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and the second years perked up once hearing your voice. "Tsukki is that who you meant?" Yamaguchi whispered. The tall boy was silent. For once in his life he was speechless.

You were different. He watched as the third years helped you find your place in the gym. Your hair was shorter and styled differently. You had a different necklace on, not the one he gave you. The only thing the same was your bracelet. The same flower bracelet your grandmother gave you.

Tsukishima watched you exit the gym and impulsively decided to follow after you. "Y/n!" He called out. You turned around and was confused.

"Can I help you? Did I forget something?" You worried.

"You don't know who I am?" Tsukishima scoffed.

"Am I supposed to?" You tilted your head.

"I know who you are," He chuckled. "Call me crazy but I know alot about you."

"Like what?"

"You like drawing hearts on your papers when you don't listen to the teacher, your favorite color is f/c, and you love f/food," He says.

"Pft, anyone would know that," You turned around to leave.

"You have a mole on the side of your hip, you always say goodnight to your grandmother by sitting in front of her photo," He started. "You have a baby photo of yourself where you had a rice pot on you with chocolate smeared over your face."

"Who are you?" You whipped around to look at him. "Oh I know you. You used to tease my friend in middle school! Listen, I don't know how you know all those things about me but stay away from me jerk!"

You turned and began walking towards your team. Tsukishima took notice of how close Iwaizumi was to you. How he was standing close to you, how his hand rested on your lower back, how you smiled around him. That was how you smiled when you were around him, not Iwaizumi.

The entire practice match, Tsukishima was distracted by you. How could you not know him? You were his world. You were head over heels for him. Why did you suddenly forget him?

Once everything was over, everyone went home except Tsukishima. He went to the fountain in the park. Only to realize what his last words were to you. "I wish we never met," He whispered as tears fell down his face.

✎...

#haikyuu!!#hq #haikyuu x you #haikyuu imagines #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x you #haikyuu tsukishima #forbes dreamz

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ackerbuttslut · 3 years

Text

as if it wasn’t apparent enough, i’m no longer active on this account! Had a good run with attack on titan, but the manga really ruined it for me. The ending to me felt completely pointless to what the whole build up was about and really rubbed me the wrong way. I realized I was only into AoT purely for the ereri nostalgia, but what was the point if I didn’t even enjoy the story anymore? I’ve just logged out of this account on all my devices so i don’t see what’s up anymore. I moved on to the genshin fandom fully after i officially fell out of the AoT loop.

However, I can’t thank you guys enough for the amount of support I’ve gotten on this account! I’ve met so many wonderful mutuals who have supported me in many ways! For the future of this account it’s just gonna sit here, I already switched gears months ago. My new, active account is @mirukimoonie where i post (mostly) genshin comics/fanarts and original art! As always, I’m very active on my instagram https://www.instagram.com/mirukimoonie/ and also my twitter https://twitter.com/mirukiimoonie

btw! if you still want to repost my art, feel free! tag me under THIS account’s name please! please do not tag my main accounts bc ereri antis are viscous people and i’m really trying to avoid them on my mains! (honestly i think of this acc as a deadname at this point for whatever reason i dont like associating w it anymore ;_; )

Some updates regarding my career as an artist: I have an art shop!! It’s genshin content as of now though, so sorry if you’re not interested!!! you can find me on https://mirukimoonie.bigcartel.com/ ! I’m applying for summer jobs right now, so I’ll start thinking about putting more items up on my shop :)

My patreon is still a thing!! It’s here!!! However if i get one more patron I’m not going to be doing individual rewards anymore bc it’s starting to take a lot out of me!!! you can find my patreon here https://www.patreon.com/mirukimoonie

I have a webtoons! (two, actually)

1) HOW 2 LIFE, a biweekly comic about funny moments in my daily life, and

2) Shards of Destiny, an original comic about a girl named Lucia who navigates a new world she was thrown into, hoping to find answers regarding her family’s name and at the same time, help a mysterious young man save his world.

if you read my fanfics, (i dont know why) sorry, but Dedicated to You will be dropped because I have zero motivation! It was a very sporadic fic and it’s honestly, very poorly written. I’m sorry for your eyes. I’m very much a oneshot type of writer, can’t for the life of me manage a multi-chapter fic.

again, thank you so much for the support I’ve gotten on this account! I will treasure the memories I’ve gotten here :) If you’d like to commission me (for art), feel free to email me at [email protected] or dm me on twitter or instagram^^ and now i’ll be officially logging out of this account, never to open it ever again!

#i still dont know how i have over 800 followers on this acc when i do nothing

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werezmastarbucks · 4 years

Text

Interlude: Kai Parker falls in love

Whitmore Guy masterlist

word count: 2710

music: down by blink-182, famous last words by my chemical romance

Y/N stood her back to the car on one foot, rubbing the other against the ankle.

“What about the picture? You showed me the picture of you and Martha”.

“Spell”, he said casually. She raised her head.

“I thought you were a vampire”.

“I’m both”, Kai shrugged with pride, “they call me a heretic”.

“And the whole bleeding then… I watched you, precisely because I wasn’t sure, I was watching how quickly you’d heal after the attack on the bar…”

He nodded.

“Kai, did you turn all those people?”

Another nod.

“I had a very elaborate plan which you will have to figure out for yourself. We gotta go”.

“Why’s the rush?”

He puffed like he didn’t want to say.

“Ma-.. Kai, I can’t go away with you for good, you know that, right?”

Interesting how about five hours ago she thought the opposite.

“We’ve had this conversation before. And then you went away with me. I take over every time, don’t waste your energy, baby”.

He opened the door of the car with the motion of his hand. Y/N was used to seeing Bonnie do that, so it looked eerie. Lie, the whole three months she’s known him, were a lie. But then again… who’s gonna throw a stone at him?

“Why did they decide to get rid of you?”

He was getting annoyed again. This guy had a very short fuse. True, he was much nicer when his mouth was glued to hers. Y/N moved her shoulder uncomfortably.

“Do you want my jacket?”

“What happens to my friends now?”

“Oh god, the interrogation again”, he moaned.

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know, a long kiss, passionate sex, us running into the raspberry sunrise, the town burning, something like that”, he crowed.

“I don’t know you, Kai, and they’re my…”

Not to blow up, he took a deep breath of night air. The night air is sweet and nice, not quite like lemonade, but still. He tuned out for a second, only catching the ‘I don’t know you’ part.

“I can fix that”, he said, putting the hand on her neck. His palm was warm against her skin covered in goose bumps. August was wearing out slowly, and, though it’s generally mild in the south, occasionally cold nights happened.

She fell down into the car and onto the seat as if something pulled her. Kai lifted her feet and tucked her in carefully, and closed the door. Y/N was asleep, drowning into the vivid vision he cherished, perhaps his favorite memory of her.

They drove in the car. She sat at the wheel but she had no idea where she’s going. Oh, wait, it’s the Whitmore again! What the hell? But it’s daytime. Y/N looked down on her hands holding the wheel and it didn’t really feel like a dream; it was something in between sleep and reality. She just drove, realizing slowly that there was somebody next to her, talking. She turned her head and saw Kai. As soon as he came into her vision field, she heard his voice.

“…you know? And turned out, it was so easy. You literally go online, click this one thing, and you’ve got an acc. Wow. And then followers just…” he made a funny face, “swarmed me. You should follow me, too. They find me hilarious, and when I post selfies, girls, they start messaging me!”

“I’m not on twitter”, she said, or rather, the meat suit she was stuck in, said for her. She felt her lips move and heard her own voice. But the sentence wasn’t formed in her head. She was a mere, silent, helpless spectator. She looked at herself into the rearview mirror. And saw her own eyes, completely calm, joyful, even. She realized she was in a good mood. The car was happily speeding down the road, past the college. Kai (this name was still new) was wearing a childish blue and white tee which made him look years younger.

It was past. It wasn’t a dream. Kai must have inserted one of his memories in her when he touched her.

“You are, now”, he shook his head and waved her phone in his hand, “I just created you an account”.

“Kai, leave my phone alone”.

She stopped the car at the brink of the forest where she’s been thousands of times. She left the car, and suddenly, she said,

“Great idea, by the way, with the blue and white shirt”.

Kai widened his eyes, not understanding.

“What do you mean?”

“What if something goes wrong, and you will be all covered in blood”.

Just as she said it, she felt a sting on her right forearm. She looked down and saw a fresh cut, the type they usually made for a location spell.

Her feet carried her into the forest. Kai was walking behind her with a coil of rope over his shoulder, and he looked very energetic. The way even Mal never looked. He was pretty, lively. He smiled, looking around, he had that kind of a happy smile that a kid has when it knows that they’re going somewhere exciting.

The old her also noticed it.

“What are you so happy about?”

He shrugged, stepping over a knot of green moss,

“I love me some outdoor activities, if you know what I mean”.

“I really don’t”.

Her foot got caught in a root, she grabbed on a thistle and cursed. Kai hummed. They walked on, and then she stopped abruptly, again, to her own surprise.

“You have no idea where to go, do you?”

Kai leveled with her and made a thinking face. He seemed so nonchalant, and she felt the same. She knew this version of her was way more careless. He took her hand and suddenly there was a zip she already knew too well. This time she felt it very clearly: something weird was happening. It felt like energy was streaming right from her body, and into his, like he was sucking the life force out of her. Only, it didn’t feel painful, and it wasn’t wrong. More like, she was feeding him.

A vision inside a vision: she saw through somebody else’s eyes. A cliff, falling down in a sharp turn, the waterfall and the forest below; it was the Nine Brothers’ Waterfall not far away from where they stood.

Kai pushed her away quite rudely.

“Don’t ever do that again!”

In a second his face changed. She looked at him, a capricious boy, and felt the familiar (for the old her) irritation fill her.

“Do what?” she snarled.

“Sneak on me!”

“You’re the one who grabbed me! You know I can’t control it, prick!”

Kai looked her up and down and closed his mouth. He was genuinely worried about her reading his mind. The witch was super concerned about the safety of his pot. There must be some awful things residing there. Finally, apparently after some inner monologue, he let go of it.

“He’s at the waterfall”.

“Yeah”, Y/N snapped, “I know”.

Kai didn’t know how to hold a grudge – now she, the new variant, could throw her fists up victoriously, because she knew something the old her didn’t: Kai is very good at holding grudges. Anyway, he started chatting in five minutes again. He was talking about what he dreamt about last night, and the plants he saw as he went, and how back in Portland he tried to take care of their garden, but they kept interrupting him and soon wouldn’t let him out of the house – and it’s so hard to do gardening when you’re inside! LOL. He talked and talked, until they came out into the clearing they’d seen previously – and she finally remembered the day.

It was the day Shane Atticus died. She remembered vaguely this place in the forest. She even knew where the Waterfall was because she’s been there that day. But she had no other recollection of what’s happened.

She turned to look at Kai. He was the reason she hadn’t. They took it all away. The sound of the water, and the smells of the forest, the prick of thistle, and the cut on her arm.

Atticus was walking around in the clearing, and then he bowed to a big sports bag, taking out a huge ass hunting knife.

They produced sounds simultaneously: Kai gasped, impressed, clearly instantly desiring the knife for himself.

She hummed, annoyed. She hadn’t seen a single Predator running around.

“What’s he doing?” she asked.

“Looks like he’s about to sacrifice…”

At that moment she heard a loud scream. It was animal: Atticus lifted a cat, tied like it was a freaking sausage, yelling for its life, slapping its loose tail on his hands. She saw red. Even though Kai tried to stop her, and even grabbed her by the hem of her jacket, she ran out, yelling,

“LEAVE IT ALONE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

Funny thing happened. She ran out, but then again, she stayed where Kai was. Because it was his memory. It was like she floated around next to him, but not inside his body. She could see her own back, and how she hopped as she ran. Jesus, is that how I look when I attack somebody? Like a mantis! she thought, cringing.

“That was about the time I fell in love with you”, Kai said, to nobody. She saw everything without turning her head; she didn’t have any. She wanted to ask him to put her back into her body, but she had no mouth, either. She could only observe, locked away, spread everywhere, until the vision was over.

They charged at Atticus (Parker had no other choice than to follow her), and tied him to a tree. Kai knocked him out with a powerful throw and knocked him out. As she was untying the cat, crying with fear and pain, it bit her right hand through. That fucking scar! She was looking at it, from time to time, and had no idea where it came from! It was the cat in the forest!

She saw herself cradle her bitten hand, pale with pain, trying to keep it cool in front of Kai. And him, his eyes, crawling slowly over her, as he expected her to cry out, too. He was like a slow insect, when he was like this, almost inhuman in his delusional obsession with pain. He wanted to see every second of her agony and not miss anything. He almost forgot about Shane.

“Get the water”, she hissed, wincing with pain, and finally, Kai walked over to the bag and pulled a bottle out.

He poured some over the bright red bite, and she moaned quietly.

“You do something good and that’s what you get”, he muttered musingly. “That’s why I never do good anymore”.

She found it in her to snicker.

“You’re doing something good right now”.

Kai’s face lit up with amusement.

“You call this good?”

“You’re helping me, and I’m a good person. Sorry to bust your super villain party”.

He smirked, charmingly, the corner of his mouth went up. He looked so nice.

Then they tried to make Atticus talk. She had no idea what they wanted. She remembered, about five or six years ago, when her dad died (was killed), she was in a car accident. Maybe it was about that. When you think about it, the whole summer of that year was extremely blurry, she just didn’t think that far back. It was horrifying. It meant Kai was there all the time. Her memory of that year was all but a big gaping hole.

Shane rolled his eyes out and cursed at Parker.

“You’re the boy with no powers”, he smiled with his bloody mouth. Kai tilted his head,

“Do I look like I don’t have powers?”

He made Atticus yell out in pain.

She didn’t know why she stood there and just watched them. Pressing her hand into her stomach, she approached them.

“Just get inside and look. We don’t have that much time, Kai”.

Shane was wailing.

Kai clicked his tongue.

“I don’t have enough magic”, he admitted, and looked up at her. She sniffed impatiently.

She put her hand on his shoulder and nodded. This time she couldn’t feel anything, floating around. She could as well be a leaf slowly falling down from a tree. But she saw them two together, crouching next to Atticus, like two weasels. Shane quietened down as Kai penetrated his mind, accelerated by the force her touch brought to him. His shoulders shook a little as he chanted under his breath. It was effortless, she didn’t seem bothered in any bit. The only thing that unnerved her was her own hand.

Shane opened his eyes and moaned,

“Taurus!”

“No way”, Kai jeered. “No! Fuck you!”

“They will come for you, they mustn’t know she left the town if you want to keep her alive…”

Then something happened to him, and his head snapped on his shoulder.

There was a moment of silence, and she removed her hand from Kai. The boy turned to her very slowly, his face full of unreadable expression.

“Oh. You killed him”.

“I killed him?” she yelped. “What… how?”

“I think you shot too much magic through me, and his heart stopped”.

He was sitting, one knee to the ground. She stood up, like she wanted to jump away. Her bitten hand was shaking violently with pain, but the rest of her seemingly went numb. The second Y/N was waiting, watching them both. The noise of the waterfall filled everything.

“Cut off his head”, she said finally.

Kai’s eyebrows went up.

“You want me… you wanna… cut his head off?”

“Yes, make it look like it was a ripper. Whoever they are, they can’t know we’ve been here. And if Damon learns I was here, he’s going to kill me”.

Kai looked at her for a second more, and then turned and gazed straight at her, again. Like he could see her in the air. Like he knew exactly where she was.

“Yeah, I definitely fell in love with you then”.

She blinked with the eyelids she didn’t have.

They were sitting in the car again, and she drove with one hand.

“Remind me again”, she panted, “why the hell I am driving?”

She looked at Kai, and if she could, she’d scream. He was covered in blood from the top of his head to his ass. All his blue and white shirt was soaked in it, like he was running under the rich splatters of it. Her mind wondered, but her old self just winced.

“Because I don’t drive, I told you”, he moaned.

“Jesus, Kai, stop touching everything! Put the phone back!”

“I want to change the song! This one is good”.

The drops of rain they fall all over This awkward silence makes me crazy The glow inside burns light upon her I'll try to kiss you if you let me

“Aren’t you too old for blink?” she asked.

Kai shrugged and rubbed his cheek.

“I knew Mark by the way. Yeah, when I was studying in Cali”.

“You liar!”

“Pfft. I don’t lie to you, you know that”.

“No way you knew Mark fucking Hoppus when you were studying in Cali!”

“Yeah, he had green hair back then, I remember telling him he has to ditch that drummer if they wanna be famous one day”.

Kai motioned towards one of the speakers as if saying, and there we are.

“This is…”

“Yes, I am very cool, I know. You’re welcome”.

It was the first time he didn’t feel like he was showing off, strangely. He sounded pretty sincere. Because he was all covered in Shane’s blood, it was hard to concentrate.

“How did you even get so dirty while cutting off a head?”

“Have you ever cut off someone’s head?”

“Nope, I usually have people do it for me”, she smirked.

You’re already into him, she thought. Kai smiled back.

“No further questions. I must say, it was pretty hot. How you were like, cut it off. I even got a little bit of a…”

“I know Kai, I was there”, Y/N interrupted.

I was there

I was there…

#kai parker #kai parker imagine #kai parker x reader #vampire diaries #vampire diaries imagine #legacies #tvd imagine #whitmore guy

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nillawrites · 4 years

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MACARONI & GLUE [Teacher!Henry]

In which Mr.Cavill’s kindergartners come up with a master plan to set him and Ms.Y/L/N up.

— A/N: hi! this is the first oneshot im posting here, if you recognize it it’s because this is actually something i’d previously posted for somebody else on a diff acc but just rewrote it for henry haha. anyways, requests are open and i plan to fill them within the next week! thanks for reading!

— WORDS: 1.8k

— WARNINGS: n/a

Henry shuffled behind the wall as he eyed the woman just down the hall. Her legs looked great in her beige skirt as she bent down to give each of her first graders high fives as they walked into the classroom. Her smile was bright and her love for her students radiated throughout the entire school, brightening everyone’s day. Brightening his day.

When all of her students reentered the classroom, she stood to dust off her outfit and was about to follow behind them, but something caught her eye. A mysterious brown curl peeked out from the wall just a few feet away. She chuckled to herself and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Good morning, Mr.Cavill.” Y/N called out, knocking him off his balance a little. He presumed he was being sneaky but that obviously wasn’t the case, and now embarrassed wasn’t nearly a good enough word to describe how he felt in this moment.

He pocketed his hands in his khakis and stepped out from behind the wall, a bashful smile on his lips to match hers. The blush on the burly man’s cheeks was impossible to miss and he swayed back and forth on his toes as he replied huskily, “Good morning to you too, Ms.Y/L/N.”

She considered teasing him a bit more but decided against it when one of Henry’s own students came up to tug on the side of his tucked-in button up shirt. Henry looked down at the brunette boy who was staring right back at him with expectant eyes considering he hadn’t come back to the classroom in all but a minute.

Henry lifted his head back to Y/N as he pointed towards his door and began to back away with a lopsided grin, insisting, “I should probably get back to my own class now, eh?”

Y/N shut her eyes and grinned, “Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea.”

By the time she’d finished her sentence the little boy had pulled him completely behind the wall but she didn’t fail to hear his “See you at lunch!” before his door was slammed shut. She rolled her eyes and laughed before ducking into her own classroom.

Henry tortured himself over that moment for the rest of that morning. His kindergartners were clever enough to realize something was wrong with him when they noticed him staring down at his demo macaroni art project, his face stoic. While the classroom buzzed with life around him, he remained sitting at the too-tiny table with a few of his other students, cheeks still ablaze.

And the brunette boy from earlier, Liam, knew exactly why.

“I think teacher has a crush on miss Y/L/N.” He said to his friend nonchalantly, hands messy as he attempted to expertly place a piece of macaroni onto his masterpiece.

His friend Jamia perked up at his claim, her eyes going wide and ginger curls bouncing. “How do you know?”

Liam shrugged, tipping his Elmer’s glue bottle and letting out a lot more than intended. “He acts weird around her!”

Jamia smiled and swooned, holding her hands to her heart. “Are they together?”

Liam only shook his head, peacefully continuing to add onto his art. It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Henry stood that he came up with an idea. The little boy ordered Jamia to get him some construction paper and stickers, the girl excitedly coming back with the “secret supplies” a minute later.

He explained the plan to his friend and they both got to work, Liam leading the operation. His tongue stuck out from his lips as he tried to keep his hands steady, writing out a few words to the best of his ability. He tried to sound out the words which helped him a little, and when they were done, the two folded the letter they’d created and placed a Thomas the Tank Engine sticker over it. Jamia added the final touch by gluing a random piece of macaroni to make it look more presentable.

Just in the nick of time, as well. Henry walked around the class to check that everyone was doing their work correctly, and when he got to the two’s table, excitement was written all over their faces. He should’ve known then and there that something was suspicious, his eyes flickering down to the sealed letter. However, he thought nothing of it, giving them a thumbs up and walking back to his desk.

Y/N wiped her hands, sighing to herself as she looked over her empty classroom. Everyone had been dismissed to recess and it was rare that she experienced silence like this, so every time she did, she made sure to take advantage of it.

Leaning back in her seat, she rubbed over her eyes. She loved her students to death, but jeez, did they wear her out. Her silence was broken when she heard some kind of rustling, causing her to begrudgingly open her eyes. She did so just in time to notice a tiny finger pushing a pink folded piece of construction paper underneath the crack of her door.

This brought a small smile to her lips and she stood from her squeaky seat, short heels clicking against the marble flooring. She bent down to grab the paper with the Thomas the Tank Engine sticker, her manicured fingers peeling it back and carefully opening it.

DeEr Miss Y/L/N

Yu ar s o beeOtEfull and s mart. I lov yu.

Frum, mister Caveel

An uncontainable laugh ripped past her lips as she read over the letter that was so obviously written by one of Mr.Cavill’s kindergartners. The spelling gave that much away immediately.

She couldn’t deny how sweet it was, though.

A knock on her door caused her head to whip back up, meeting the eyes of none other than Mr.Cavill himself through the window of the door. He wore his signature good-guy smile that only got wider once he noticed that he’d startled Y/N the slightest bit, the woman holding a hand to her heart.

She quickly folded the letter back up and went to swing the door open, allowing Henry to walk into her classroom. He took the liberty of shutting it behind himself and admired the view as she walked back to her desk, plopping down in her chair again.

“Long day, huh?” Henry asked, walking over and pulling a chair up to the other side of her desk.

“You have no idea.” Y/N sighed, biting her lip and watching as his perfect hands began to unpack the lunch he’d brought along. Her stomach growling was what jolted her from her trance and made her remember one of her current frustrations. “I forgot my lunch at home and the tiny bag of Cheetos I had isn’t really helping me either.”

Henry jumped into action at her words and he pushed one of his dishes her way, insisting that she take it. “It’s only two tacos, but it’s better than a bag of Cheetos.”

Y/N frowned and looked down at the food, “Are you sure? I could totally just get more chips.”

“I’m sure.” Henry reinforced, his heart racing at her reluctant, kind attitude. He brought his leftover restaurant chips and salsa out and set them down on her desk, the two beginning to eat in comfortable silence.

He would sometimes catch a glimpse of her when she wasn’t looking, admiring how she tried to eat politely in front of him while still unknowingly having a piece of beef on the corner of her lip. This made him chuckle and her gaze shifted back to him, confusion written over her face.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing.” Henry quickly shook his head, sporting a playful grin which she reciprocated.

The two’s relationship was strange. It was a constant push and pull, an almost there but never really. He’d made it very clear from the first week of school that he thought she was amazing and she reciprocated those feelings, but no matter how the conversation went, it always ended with a “We’re co-workers, we can’t”.

Obviously, that never stopped Henry from trying.

“What’s this?” He cocked his head and wiped his mouth, recognizing the Thomas the Tank Engine stickered letter from his own classroom.

Y/N licked her fingers and laughed, nodding towards the paper. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Henry pursed his lips at her semi-scary words but reached to grab the paper anyways, opening it and quickly reading over the broken English. Y/N watched with a smirk once he set the letter down, trying to stifle his grin as he rubbed his temples.

“Anything you’d like to say for yourself?” She teased, leaning a little bit closer to him.

Henry let out a hearty laugh and shook his head. “Kids and their wild imaginations, right? But maybe it’s not wild. I heard kids are good at sensing things, ya’know? Like ghosts and stuff.”

Y/N gave him a puzzled look and Henry realized what he’d just rambled about was strange so in an attempt to redeem himself, he clarified.

“B-But maybe instead of ghosts, it’s love. They can sense love. Maybe.”

Y/N laughed at his desperate attempt to regain his composure and explain himself but it was fruitless and Henry realized this too, laughing along with her. This fit went on for about 30 seconds before she was wiping her eyes and leaning back in her seat, tapping on her desk with her nails.

Her rhythmic pace made him nervous as he leaned back as well, awaiting her next words. It was obvious that she wanted to say something but something was holding her back, and Henry knew exactly what it was.

“Y/N.” He whispered, not willing breaking their eye contact for a mere second. “Say it.”

She bit her lip and took a deep breath, scared to let the words leave her mouth. They’d been beating around the bush for so long and this isn’t the only time he’s offered her his lunch at all (She was a forgetful person), but today felt different and they both felt it. Everyone around them knew it- Even five year old kids, it seemed. It was time to stop the games.

“..Maybe it is love.” Y/N nodded, the corners of her mouth lifting ever so slightly. “I guess we’ll have to find out over dinner and a huge glass of wine, huh?”

Henry’s eyes widened as she finally allowed him in- gave him a chance at the one thing he’d been yearning after for so long. “A-Are you serious?” He stuttered out, his smile that of an excited child’s.

“Yes, I’m serious.” She confirmed happily, beginning to help him pack up his lunch. “I think I’m finally ready to put myself out there again.. And to be frank, I really like you.”

“Well duh. Who wouldn’t like me? I’m tall, funny, and incredibly handsome.” Henry jokingly rolled his eyes just as the bell rung, signifying the second half of their school day. When she scoffed, he continued, “So, uh, I’ll pick you up at seven?”

Y/N smiled widely and nodded, shooing the man out of her class just as kids began to pour back in.

“Sounds great. Now get to class, Mr.Cavill.”

#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill imagines #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #henry cavill smut #henry cavill oneshot #henry cavill oneshots #geralt of rivia imagine #geralt x reader #geralt of rivia #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fluff

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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09. That’s How Hope Died

My apologies friends and familiars, but I absolutely don’t think that I can continue to do this story as standalone pieces anymore and to add on to the possibly not great news, there’s more chapters of story to be told here. But, those who can stay, I’m glad to have you here. 2721 Words, Trigger Warnings: Mental health issues, abuse, child death, grief

The key to having a successful “challenge” video or a hot “remix” was to have a plan proactively. Grace would have about a dozen different new choreos in mind at any given time, and she worked on beats a lot when she probably should be doing other things. She had various number outfits in mind. She had remix beats in mind and the clips of videos that she might want to add to such remixes. This was her happy getaway. The hours that she put into all of her dance training, her classical music instruments, and her academics made her feel like she earned a few to just create things that she enjoyed. And she had an outpouring of creativity from 14-16.

Whenever a new hot song would come out, she would hear it and wonder how it might sound if she remixed it with the R747 (she named all of her creations with “stock numbers” until they became associated with a released song). She might think to herself, the choreography C929 will be perfect for this! Even her performance outfits, “And if I wear the W23… well… This is gonna be fire!”

So, she might hear, for example, a new song by Ghairrisahn ft Fr8-Tre/in (for the old folks, that’s pronounced Garrison, ft Freight Train… See, Garrison is how it’s pronounced, but she spells it that way to stand out and well, Fr8-Tre/in’s name is Treyvon, they called him Tre growing up and you know, Freight TRE and add the “N,” sound like a play on words?) Her parents absolutely wouldn’t have listened to her explain. The hired help often had to, though, especially if they happened to be around while she was creating or putting together creations for presentation…

She would hear the song, decide and type into her phone’s notes: Shucky Ducky by Ghairrisahn ft Fr8-Tre/in. R747. C929. W23. As soon as she got home, she would check to see if any challenges or remixes of the song were released yet, because the Internet was fast and she was at school all day and sometimes, rehearsals well into the night. If it wasn’t already a thing, or if it was a thing, but the thing was null, she would make the remix of the song with her remix beat, then play it as she wore the outfit she prepped and performed the choreography she created. Then, she would post it, atting the artist, and hashtagging the song, TheApex, ApexChoreo, ApexBeauty,ShesBeautyShesGrace,Gracecore, (song title)remix and challenge, among others.

All of those would always skyrocket. Her favorite artists would always eventually see them, sometimes soon. Ghairrisahn even said that she wanted her to be in one of her videos. (Her mother was attentive to that bit of information when she shared it).

When she called Simon to tell him, he already knew. Of course he did. That dude was always on his computer. He always had hella tabs open. He was working on maybe 4 assignments for school, at least 2 of his stories, keeping up with his favorite fandoms, and checking social media - which he hardly ever got on to talk to people that he knew in real life, but he still was entertained by many of them and usually kept watch of all of her pages, whether or not it dawned on her.

When they were 15, she was invited on a summer tour with Ghairrisahn, to dance. It was a dream come true for her, even though her parents were very reluctant to agree to this. Filming a music video was one thing, but gallivanting across the country all summer was another thing entirely. “Mom, this would be just like if I had gotten the ballet spot in Germany!”

“No it isn’t. THAT was a world renown dance troupe and you BLEW it. THIS is some girl who sounds like she’s singing underwater, never wears a full sized blouse and almost unquestionably engages in recreational smoking.” Simon was typing on his phone. He didn’t get involved.

“She is a Grammy award winning icon! Everybody knows her. You know who knows that dance troupe? Ballet heads. That’s who. Mom, to be successful, in this day in age isn’t just about money and high standing. It is about fame and visibility! AND, if I’m on tour, I have that many places to use my products and promote the brand and bring in revenue to the company!”

Mrs. Monroe sighed, “Alright. That sounds like a good idea. But, I’m sending you with your team. You’re not to be in the same vehicle as that marijuana girl. You’re to only interact with her and her team for business purposes and you will adhere to the schedule that your team provides.”

She clenched her fists and jumped up and down, excitedly. Simon’s eyes looked up from his phone to watch her, but he didn’t react in any other ways until she rushed over and hugged him, “We’re going on the road with Ghairrisahn!” She squealed.

He sighed and wiped a hand down his face, “Grace, I can’t go on the road with you this summer. You know I have like 6 different major things that I need to do this year.” Her face fell. “I wish I could. I love Ghairrisahn. She’s my top five celebrities whose hair I wanna smell…” Grace and her mother both made disgusted and confused faces that he ignored and kept talking, “But I literally have a major engineering program, a science camp to prepare for this upcoming school year, the journalism workshop, orientation for the early college courses path, the Dean’s meet and greet, and I’m heading some things for the scouts that I signed on to before I realized that I’d have to do some of the other things. I can’t go right now. Junior year is the most important year of my high school career. Not to mention, you know that I’m being emancipated next year. I just… I don’t have time to tag along this time, Grace.”

She nodded her head, sadly. “Well, that’s cool. But, I mean, I’ll be able to fly you out to a show or two, right?”

He shrugged, “Send me the tour schedule when you get it, and I’ll let you know.”

“What’s your mom gonna do while you’re doing all of that?” She asked. He frowned and stared at her. She was concerned. He knew that she didn’t mean any harm. But, asking about his mother while her mother was still around was pretty inconsiderate, even for her. She must’ve realized from her face that it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss. Because she fell back and clasped her hands together, “Well, since we’re both still around, let’s go do something in town together. You do have a little free time right now, right?”

“Yeah,” he said defeatedly.

“Yeah,” she imitated and reached out for him with her hand to pull him up off of his favorite cushioned lounging chair. “Mom, we’re going!” Grace called. Her mother had stopped paying attention to them several minutes ago, pretty much whenever the conversation no longer concerned her. She didn’t even hear Grace excuse herself.

“It’s hot! Why do you ALWAYS have on a hoodie?” Grace asked.

“I don’t have one at school.”

“Because they aren’t allowed.”

“Exactly. We’re not at school. Nobody can tell me what I can and can’t wear,” he said.

They were quiet for a moment. She didn’t know what was wrong with him, but she knew that something was. “Hey, do you wanna record ourselves doing skateboard tricks?” She asked.

“Is that your way of asking me to record you doing some skateboard tricks, Grace?”

“You can do yours too!” She laughed.

“I just wanna walk right now,” he said. She bit her lip and danced alongside of him, singing Shucky Ducky. Simon looked over at her and the smile of his features returned. She was good for that. Making him feel better about things that really just didn’t feel good. After a while, some thought, letting it rush around in his head, he said, “She’s going to go live with my grandmother.” Grace stopped dancing and stared at him with wide eyes. “She refuses to go to a hospital. I can’t get dad to come home right now and I just… don’t have the time to care for her. I was gonna be gone in a few months, anyway. Leave it to her, I never did anything to even help her over these years. The story that my grandmother believes is actually quite different from the events that my mind has collected.” Grace rubbed his back, but didn’t say anything. Simon had tears welling up in his eyes. “Do you know how many times she’s taken a swing at me, and I’ve had to restrain her to keep her from connecting? How many times she’s yelled at me, berated me for innocent missteps and mistakes that children simply make? All of the times that I wanted to just put that pillow over her face and not let go until she stopped moving?” He was shaking. “Now, apparently she has bruises all over her that I supposedly put there and my grandmother just believes that I’m capable of it, because I killed my sister, why not try my mom too?” He roared at the sky and covered his face with both hands.

Grace looked around for some place to sit, and just decided on the grass under a tree. She led him over, sat him down and rested on her knees, looking at him, but not knowing what to say. He didn’t really talk much about his sister. What she knew about it was what she had looked up on news sources on the Internet (only to understand more, not to be sneaky or harm him in any way), and she never brought up what she learned, because she knew it would be very painful for him.

According to every source that she had found, the little girl’s death was an accident. She and her brother had been playing, they got into an argument, she ran off, he gave chase, she climbed up a ladder to try to hide in the attic, he pulled her leg and she fell and hit her head. It was an accident. A freak accident. She shouldn’t have been able to die from the fall. There were a few reports that the boy had possibly “thrown her hard” to the floor, but even knowing how angry Simon could get and not actually putting it past him to accidentally get that angry, she rationalized that even still, at 10, he wouldn’t have had the strength to cause reasonable damage to a 4 year old. She wanted to tell him that right now, but he didn’t know that she knew that much about it and it seemed like it might only upset him more to find out that she looked into it.

He was red in the face, hot, breathing hard, and crying, and he didn’t want her near him or looking at him at the moment. But, there she was. Where else would she be?

“Simon, I’m so sorry that your mom… is the way that she is. But, on the bright side, she’s not gonna be your problem anymore. She’ll be your grandmother’s and I mean… that’s her daughter. Who knows what she might have done to contribute to the person that she became…”

He looked up suddenly and stared at her in horror, “Do you think I’ll be like that? Do you think… I mean… I get so angry and I get violent, and I lash out… Do you think I’m like her? Am I gonna treat my family that way? My kid?”

Grace leaned forward to place her hands on Simon’s shoulders and said, “I think that you’re the best person I’m ever going to meet, that is of course until you have kids, because then they’ll be the best people, because you’re not going to make the same mistakes your parents did. I think for what you’ve been given, your anger and violence and lashing out is totally justified. And it isn’t like you just go around beating up the defenseless. I mean, yes, sometimes… we’re a little quick on the draw and maybe hurt somebody that probably didn’t deserve it that much, but there are actual school shooters and like… pedos and stuff out there. A kid who beats on people who deserve it every now and then, destroys some stupid property or whatever is like nothing compared to like… those types.”

“So… I’m not a good person, just not the worst,” he said.

“You’re the best person I KNOW.”

“You know like 3 people.”

“I know plenty of people!”

“Outside of your immediate family and me, name ONE.”

She stammered and he laughed a little. She was grateful for that, even if she was flustered. “The red… um… shirt… Cameron!”

“Cameron… The… guy who works at the Target right outside of the gated community?”

“Yes! See… I know people.” Now, he laughed heartily and threw his head back.

She knew kids at school who gave her presents’ names. She would always thank them and say something nice to them about their presents, whether or not they liked them. It was a trend to give her things and IF someone noticed her using or having the thing later, they had bragging rights, though no matter what anybody gave her, she preferred anything that Simon gave her over all of them. They never understood why, but she did. She knew that their presents came from wanting her to love them. His presents came from already loving her.

“Hey… do you want to go visit her?” She asked.

“Visit who?” he wondered.

“Hope,” she said. He looked startled. He knew that he never told her his sister’s name, but now that he was calm, she was testing the waters to see how he felt about her having at least some portion of knowledge.

He whispered, “I never go there.”

“I won’t try to force you,” she said.

After a moment, he said, “I want to…”

His hands were shaky until Grace took them in hers and smiled up at him, “Then let’s do it. We’ll stop by a shop and get her a nice bouquet.” She let go of one of his hands and pulled the other to follow her. He still didn’t want to say more about his sister, but some part of him wished that the visit would change something inside of him. He didn’t want to think about the word “Hope,” to describe his desires. It felt wrong.

He cried a lot. Grace smoothed her hand across his back and remained quiet. After a long while, and he was seemingly out of tears, she said, “Maybe I should skip the tour. I’ll probably have opportunities like this in the future. I’m pretty hot right now.”

“You always are.” He wanted to tell her not to do that. That she deserved to go on the tour and that she should have fun, but just like when she wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to write about his family to get into the academy, he didn’t have the nerve to openly oppose what was best for him.

What was best for him was that the one person that he could cry in front of was there for all of the summer nights that he was already certain that he would cry from stress alone. But it was up to her, just like it had been up to him to decide that he wanted to be at school with her, even if he was going to have to hurt a little to get there.

The difference was she ultimately decided that it was best that she went. He didn’t like it, but they had been apart before in the past and even if she had been in town, he was going to be constantly busy anyway. Still… he emotionally logged it as a time that she was not there for him when he needed her to be. Was it fair? Maybe not. But… it was simply how he felt about it.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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