#today? its 2:30 am so technically yesterday but

[crvstybowlofcereal]

i literally love this song so much and they played it at the goodwill i went to today and my brain short circuited, my friend was looking at stuffed animals and i was just singing and dancing (more stimming than dancing but yk) and could not focus on anything else i was so shocked they played it.

people were staring but idec i was having fun

#today? its 2:30 am so technically yesterday but #me being goth in the wild #ALSO A COOL ALT EMPLOYEE COMPLIMENTED MY OUTFIT #AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I WAS LIKE #“THANK YOU.. SO MUCH” #and i complimented them back when i passed them again #um so i literally meant to post this like a fucking week ago #and i did but i posted it to THE WRONG BLOG #so act like i posted this saturday night/early sunday morning? #i am deleting it off the sideblog i originally posted it to #you guys arent allowed to know about that one #Spotify #edit: this was from fucking 2 weeks ago not just one i am so dumb #i never even realized i had it posted to the wrong acc

[wonyvcts]

LABYRINTH

this is chapter 2 of my series, labyrinth. I recommend you reading chapter 1 first if you haven't.

also, i know its been 5 months since i have posted 😭 im so sorry guys i have been so busy and i did not have the time to write. thank you to those who have been waiting patiently for a new chapter and happy reading! 🫶🏻

tw/ arranged marriage, cursing, angst,

in this series, you would be playing as hwang hana.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2

"This girl...told her to control her drinking and now she has made a fool out of herself in front of hyunjin and his family. GET UP YOU SLEEPYHEAD!"

my mom's shrill voice rang in my room as i immediately jolted out and sat up.

"what's going on? Am I late for school?" I asked frantically, half awake half sleeping.

"Well, technically yes but you're not going to school today. I called your school earlier, saying that you're down with some flu today. That's not the point right now, get up we need to talk." she said as she left the room, closing the door behind her for me to get ready.

I groaned in my bed as I saw my phone lying on my bedroom floor.

32 missed calls from yesol.

my head started to hurt as I tried to recall the events that happened last night. How did I even get home? Who was I even with? Hastily, I typed a 'explain to you later' to yesol and got up to wash up and change out of my clothes.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking down the stairs, my mom sat on one of the couches with her arms crossed, clearly unhappy.

"All you do is cause trouble young lady." She started.

"sorry mom but what did I do? I really can't remember." I replied sheepishy.

"you got drunk last night and hyunjin had to send you home."

Oh. so that was how I ended up at home- wait so that's it? I didn't cause anyone to lose $1000000 on their credit card or something?

"that's it? what's wrong with that?" I asked.

"Are you crazy Hwang Hana? You know how big of a bad impression you left on the Hyunjin's family? The first time he sends you home is when you're drunk? Are you nuts? He has a whole list of girls waiting to marry him. You're lucky his family chose you and here you are, taking it for granted." she scolded.

"So? It's better than him finding me in another guy's bed instead and plus, I don't want to marry him even, it's a blessing if his family chooses someone else. That's my main aim anyways." I retorted as i rolled my eyes.

My mom shook her head as she opened her mouth, wanting to say something but closed it back as she knew it would not end well. Avoiding another argument, she immediately left the living room. I sighed as I looked at the clock, 12:30pm. that means schools almost over. Looking at my phone, I saw a notification from Yesol.

'oh you better explain to me what the fuck is going on ms hwang. lotus café @ 1:30 pm.' I stood up and went back to my room to take a shower before leaving the house.

Upon reaching the café, I saw that Yesol was already here. Hurrying in, I immediately sat down on the chair opposite hers. She looked up from her phone and rolled her eyes.

"Got your favourite Ice brew coffee. Figured you haven't ate anything yet so I got you some glazed donuts."

"Aw you know me so well." I winked at her as she rolled her eyes.

"Seriously thought you got kidnapped last night. I almost wanted to call the police when you didn't came to school today and even more didn't picked up my calls."

Bursting out into laughter, I replied "Imagine how stupid you look if you actually called the cops."

"Shut up bitch." She replied while laughing. "So what's going on, did you hooked up with a hot guy?"

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. I shook my head and went on explaining how I was in an arranged marriage with hyunjin and how he brought me home yesterday and now my mom is upset that i have left a bad impression on his family. She listened with bated breath, mouth wide agape throughout the whole story.

"YOURE JOKING!" She screamed as everyone in the café turned to look at her. I immediately hushed her down withe embarrassment as I mouthed a 'sorry' to the other customers.

"okay so you're telling me that you're in arranged marriage with THE hwang hyunjin and he was the one who sent you home last night and- oh my god my head hurts just from all this information, and it all happened within 3 days? what the fuck?" she looked at me with confusion.

I nodded my head slowly, letting yesol process all this information.

"wait, isn't hyunjin dating kim sohyun? The one who acted as juliet in the play earlier this year for orientation and all the guys in year 1 and 2 had their eyes on?" She asked.

"yeah. so we're trying to call off the marriage but we don't know how."

"just say that hyunjin is dating sohyun! that would solve everything!" she exclaimed.

I shrugged my shoulders as I replied. "That's what I thought so too at the start but hyunjin's parents would probably break off their relationship." Motioning yesol to come closer, I looked around and whispered.

"I heard sohyun's dad passed away when she was young and her and her mom lives in an old suburb. all these dresses and branded bags she owns are all from hyunjin."

yesol nodded her head as she sipped into her mint tea.

"whatever," I continued. "I will not let this marriage happen, no matter what."

------------------------------------------------------------------

When I opened the front gate, I saw an unfamiliar range rover parked inside. Did mom got a new car? I wondered. At the front door, I saw a more amount of shoes and heels. Hm...Mom didn't told me she was having guests over tonight.

Shrugging my shoulders, I opened the front door and to my dismay, it was my greatest nightmare. Hyunjin and his family was here.

"Oh there she is!" My mom exclaimed excitedly. "Hana was at the bookstore reading some books! Right Hana?"

When she realised she didn't get a response, she nudged my shoulder harshly.

"Y-Yeah that's right!" I gave a fake smile as I laughed. I was so trained for this.

"Alright darling, I got you a new dress. Hurry up and try it on and come down for dinner!"

oh god. i swear i cringed so hard when my mom said darling. she never called me that in my 18 years of existence.

I gave a fake laughter as I turned around and walked up to my room, holding the dress tightly. Throughout the whole conversation, i could feel hyunjin's strong gaze on me but i ignored every single one of them, not even batting him in the eye.

Upon reaching my room, I closed the door and locked it. Closing my eyes, I took deep breaths as i cursed.

'fucking hell, why did she thought it was a good idea to have them over for dinner? i swear to fucking god."

I threw one of my cat plushies (named bibby) on the floor angstily.

"it's not even your fault bibby, i'm sorry." I patted her head softly as if she was a real cat.

After contemplating on the floor for awhile, i decided to just get tonight over with. It shouldn't be that bad. I thought to myself. I headed over and wore the dress mom got for me.

It was a black tight fitting dress and it was pretty, i must admit. Putting on some lip gloss, i fixed my hair and went down.

"There you are! What took you so long? Hurry up sit down!" My mom ushered me to my seat. Looking up, i accidentally made eye contact with hyunjin. Hurriedly, i looked away as the chef placed the last dish on the table.

"You look so pretty Hana!" Mrs Hwang complimented.

"Thank you Mrs Hwang." I replied while smiling as she smiled back.

"This looks fabulous Mrs Seo! Thank you for having us over tonight!" Mrs Hwang added.

"My pleasure, Mrs Hwang." my mom smiled as she motioned for everyone to dig in.

"Hana! Heard you want to be a fashion designer." Mrs Hwang asked.

Looking up, I immediately replied. "Yes, that's right. Im currently taking up a fashion course at school too."

"Hyunjin wants to be a professional dancer. But, I have been convincing him to take over the business." Mrs Hwang smiled and looked at Hyunjin, who seemed to be feeling down about this topic.

Glancing at Hyunjin, I saw that he was lost in his thoughts, playing with his food.

"Hyunjin, so what dance do you major in?" my mom asked him with a wide smile.

Everyone waited for an answer but hyunjin seems to have not heard her. Saving him from trouble, i kicked his legs from under the table slightly, making him to jolt back to reality. Looking up at me, hyunjin apologised for his behaviour. I motioned him to my mom as i cleared my throat.

Immediately getting the hint, hyunjin apologised and said, "Sorry Mrs Seo, what was your question again?"

"Oh that's alright. Which dance do you major in again?" She asked for the second time.

"I major in hip-hop. But on and off, i do try other dance styles." He answered politely.

"Oh i see. Hana also major in dance. Do yall see each other often?"

"Not really, she majors in contemporary dance, it's in different sections and besides shes in year 1. we do see each other in the hallways sometimes but that's about it."

"Alright then. please do take good care of her, she can be quite a hassle sometimes." my mom said as she thanked hyunjin.

i swear to god. did she have to.

------------------------------------------------------------------

After much more talking and laughing, i swear i could feel my cheekbones dislocating from faking my smile and laughter.

"We have a vast collection of wine here. would you guys like to take a look?" My mom asked.

"Sure!" Mr Hwang answered excitedly.

"You two have fun!" Mrs Seo winked at both of us as we smiled back awkwardly. Once they were gone, we just shifted in our seats uncomfortably.

However, this time, it was Hyunjin who broke the silence first.

"Not going to thank me for bringing you home last night?Okay, rude much." Hyunjin chuckled.

"Shut the fuck up I saved your ass earlier on we are equal now." I replied.

Smirking, he said, "okay whatever you say wifey."

I immediately let out a snort while covering my mouth. "oh god please don't use that, i almost puked out everything I ate."

"oh please, i'm sure you liked that."

"yeah you wish."

i don't know when and i don't know how but we started talking comfortably. it was actually not bad talking to hyunjin. he might seem like those typical play-boy kinda thing at the start but he's not that bad to pass off as a friend.

"so, how are we going to call off this marriage." i asked.

"I do have some ideas.." hyunjin started.

"speak."

"you're friends with han jisung right?"

"mhm."

"you can tell your mom that you developed feelings for him and that you want to date him."

Bursting out into laughter, i answered, "oh please, my mom would never fall for that. jisung and i have been good friends since kindergarten. we have never liked each other and never will. we might seem like a couple but trust me, we are just playing around. Besides, my mom knows how much I want to call off this stupid marriage."

At that moment, the three of them came back with wine bottles in their hands.

"Did the two of you have fun?" Mrs Hwang asked.

"uh yeah, we did." Hyunjin replied.

"Thats good to hear, alright thank you for coming over Mr and Mrs Hwang, come for dinner again next time." My mom said as she bowed to them and I did the same too. The three of them then bowed back.

"goodbye Mr and Mrs Hwang and Hyunjin." I said as I opened the gate. Before heading out, hyunjin whispered at my ear swiftly.

"goodnight wifey."

I shivered as I sent him a death stare. he just smiled back cheekily. As expected, he might have a girlfriend but he's still a fuck-boy-play-boy who just wants sex. Rolling my eyes at him, I smiled at his parents as me and my mom bid them goodbye and wished them a pleasant night.

Once they were out of sight, my mom started.

"So me and Mrs Hwang was thinking.."

'oh god this could not be good.' I thought to myself.

"We've decided that we let you and hyunjin live together!"

"WHAT THE FUCK"

#skz imagines #skz hyunjin #stray kids #kpop #skz x reader #enemies to lovers skz #skz

[lucysweatslove]

Vyvanse Day 4 today! Just took the 20mg.

Yesterday was my first day on 20mg, and I seemed to be doing okay. However, I somehow decided that a cold brew coffee (with ice so idk how many oz really) after the museum + 32oz Diet Dr. Pepper a few hours after that was a good idea. I didn’t finish all of the coffee (honestly, I forgot about it), but that’s still like 250mg of caffeine. One Ghost is 200mg, and a Rockstar is 160mg, and I can only handle like one of those in a day and I still get jittery (even before starting any ADHD med).

Suffice it to say, I did get some high HR notifications and in the afternoon I just felt… a little off I guess. I can’t quite explain it.

It was still much better/more tolerable than the Strattera. Ironic to me that a non-stimulant med was worse than the actual stimulant that turns into actual amphetamine via red blood cells*

It also didn’t seem to have much effect in keeping me awake or keeping me more “alert,” but it didn’t increase somnolence either? Like the Strattera had me taking 2 hour naps no matter what, but the Vyvanse at that dose didn’t seem to impact me on that front.

Attention wise, the jitteriness made it a little hard to focus on its own. I also just… decided I didn’t want to read. I finished an audiobook and got some online shopping done, though.

Today I am going to be mindful of my caffeine intake and only have some of a Rockstar (I just feel like I need something since even 2 hours after waking, I’m pretty tired this morning). Tomorrow I meet with the PMHNP again to check in, so I’d like to get a good feeling for how I’m doing on the 20s.

An annoying thing about these scheduled drugs: you can’t write for titration very well. For Vyvanse, my insurance has a dispensing limit of 30 pills every 30 days inclusive of strength. Idea being that it’s harder to share/sell them, or take more than intended, if you’re limited and cannot get more. Given that Vyvanse is available in 10mg increments you can technically do all titration with one pill/day. This works out well if you’re on an established dose or only going up 10mg or whatever in a month etc. The problem is that when you’re determining dose, especially when somebody is historically very sensitive, you’re stuck with the dose prescribed for as long as you have pills. I got 14 pills of 10mg for a 14 day supply, but I’m taking 20mg now, so I will “run out” of 10s before the end of the 14 days. They may not approve a new rx before 14 days, or only approve 16 pills until Aug 5, etc. And we may even want to go up to 30mg eventually which makes it hard to know how many pills to send in of the 20s and when. Which means I will NECESSARILY have to take the drug “not as prescribed” (skipping some days) until we find the right dose.

* I’m not kidding; Vyvanse is basically amphetamine with a lysine added to it, and the lysine part makes it relatively inactive. It goes into your blood, and there is an enzyme in red blood cells that will cleave the lysine away from the amphetamine and then you get the nice stimulant effect from the amphetamine! It’s designed this way because the cleaving is a slow step so it slows the rate you get dextroamphetamine, reducing a sharp high and abuse potential + somewhat increasing time of effect. Also should note that dextroamphetamine =/= methamphetamine. Methamphetamine has a small methyl group at the end (where Vyvanse has lysine) and this changes it a lot. Vyvanse primarily becomes dextroamphetamine via a very specific enzyme that only removes lysine (it won’t remove just the small methyl group). Much of methamphetamine is converted to a different amphetamine compound, not dextroamphetamine, so it’s *not* the same drug.

Also Vyvanse’s generic name is lisdexamphetamine: lis (lysine) + dex (dextro) + amphetamine. Generics do generally have a logic behind them yeah?

[keywestlou]

TODAY IS A DEMOCRATIC WAVE IN THE MAKING

TODAY IS A DEMOCRATIC WAVE IN THE MAKING - https://keywestlou.com/today-is-a-democratic-wave-in-the-making/Oh, the abuse which will be heaped upon me tomorrow if I am wrong. I believe today will be a Democratic wave. Not the Republican one most believe will occur. First, I do not accept the polls as valid. To use a Trump term, I believe many are "rigged." They are controlled by far right monies. Recognize also the stupid things said and positions taken by Trump selected Senate candidates. No matter how out of line, they continue to run neck and neck with their Democratic opponents. Then the ladies. How upset they were just a few months ago when Roe v. Wade was reversed seems to have been forgotten. We are told the price of milk, eggs and bread is more important to them. I don't buy it. Forget not the saying involving a woman scorned. They never forget. Memories like an elephant. My mother was that way. My former wife also. Years later and they still recalled. The Republican Supreme Court in reversing Roe made women aware that certain men and groups consider them second class citizens. The ladies may not talk about it. However, they have not forgotten. They will express their innermost feelings as they cast their ballots. Another consideration is Trump himself. People are becoming increasingly sick of our divided nation. A division lead and promoted by Donald himself. Even to this day. The people of the United States are a family. Disharmony at the dinner table cannot continue on a daily basis. Trump has to go together with those who support him. Election surprises are not uncommon. Truman's 1948 victory an example. He kicked the Republicans in the ass royally on November 2, 1948. Several days later on November 8, Truman arrived for a vacation in Key West. He was greeted by a crowd estimated at 25,000 who lined his route from Boca Chica to The Little White House. It was the largest crowd ever assembled in Key West up to that time. Keep in mind the hurricane season is not over. Technically does not end till November 30. Nicole is on the way. A subtropical storm. Expected to become a Category 1 hurricane, nowhere near the strength of Ian. Nicole will hit landfall on the Florida east coast wednesday night bringing with it wind, rain , storm surge and flooding. Landfall is not expected to involve Key West. Landfall presently estimated to be somewhere between Hallandale Beach and to a point 200 miles north. Governor DeSantis has already declared a state of emergency for 34 counties in Nicole's path. Syracuse won its first game of the official season last night defeating Lehigh 90-72. Boeheim said after the game that the score would have been higher had he just played his usual 7. However the game was going so well he didn't want to run the score up and the opportunity presented itself for him to play many more. Which he did. Syracuse's next game is November 15 against Colgate. Jean Thornton telephone yesterday to invite me out for stone crabs last night. I begged off. My back has been out for several days. I opted to remain in. I would have enjoyed the company and the meal. I'm going to try getting out today. The walls are closing in. Enjoy your day!  

[ur-favorite-queer-queen]

Magic

For Maribat March day 16 theme magic

Master List

“50 bucks says she is,” Dick walked in on Jason saying, “there is no way she’s with Demon Spawn otherwise.” 

“I agree with Jason, there’s no way she isn’t.” Tim agreed. 

“So how much are you betting Tim?” Babs questioned, getting ready to write it down. 

“20 bucks.” 

“What are you guys betting about?” Dick interrupted. 

“If Marinette is magic or not.” Steph responded.

“Why?” Dick asked. 

“Cause there is no way that she’s not magic if she is able to not only hang around Damian but date him!” Jason accused. 

“We really shouldn’t be betting on this sort of thing.” Dick tried, and failed, to reason. 

“Too late,” Duke spoke up, “30 bucks says she isn’t magic.” 

Dick sighed, “What has everyone else betted?” 

“I’m keeping track so I’m not betting.” Babs clarified, “Steph betted 20 bucks that she isn’t magic, Duke just betted 30 bucks that she also isn’t, Tim betted 20 bucks she is, Jason betted 50 bucks she is, and Cass and you haven’t betted yet.” 

Cass then signed, “I bet 20 bucks that she is magic, just not in the way we think.” Leave it to Cass to be that cryptid. 

“I’ll bet 10 bucks she isn’t, why not.” Dick finally gave up his internal struggle, yeah it wasn’t nice betting on his little brother’s girlfriend, but hey there was no way she was magic. 

- 

“I still can’t believe you’re magic.” Damian admitted. 

“Well technically I’m not magic. I just wield magical jewels that house tiny gods.” Marinette corrected. 

“Is there really a difference?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

“Yes, yes there is.” She replied, cuddling closer and leaning into him. 

“Are you sure you parents are gone?” He questioned, Jagged and Penny claimed that they had business they needed to do but he wouldn’t put it past them to lie and spy on them. 

“Yes they trust me because I’m responsible. Plus it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong, just cuddling.” 

“YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING ANYTHING OTHER THAN CUDDLING!” Stompp shouted from the other room. If they had to guess, the other kwamis were stopping him from barging into the room they were currently in. 

“WE’RE NOT STOMPP! YOU CAN STOP BEING SO PROTECTIVE!” Marinette yelled back. 

“More like paranoid.” Damian muttered. 

“Like you can say that.” Marinette laughed. 

Damian tried to scowl but couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face. While she may not have believed it, she truly was magic. To him at least. 

“So does your family know yet?” She asked once she stopped laughing. 

“No, they have no clue.” 

“Really, we’ve been together for a year. Shouldn’t they know by now?” 

“They started a bet on whether you’re magic or not. If that counts.” 

“They did not!” She broke into another giggle fit. 

“They did.” He smiled at her as she grinned up at him. 

“Oh the chaos that will come from this.”

“Don’t let Plagg let hear you say that.” 

“You’re scared of what might happen if we ever teamed up.” 

“I am very scared.” 

“As you should be.” She looked like she was having a very serious internal battle as she tried not to laugh. 

“So are you still coming over this Saturday?” 

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.” 

-

Marinette enjoyed these dinners at Wayne manor. Dinner with her bio parents usually consisted of silence and conversations about the bakery or school. Dinner with her adopted parents consisted of Jagged doing or claiming he did something that Penny wouldn’t approve of then him getting scolded. Sometimes she would add in her own disappointed face. But dinners at Wayne manor were different. 

Because there were so many people there was so much going on at once. Different conversations somehow managed to flow smoothly and they managed to jump from topic to topic like lightning. Yet when something interesting was brought up they all managed to stop and listen before continuing their other conversations. 

They were all so different but they managed to get along so well (most of the time). In a way they reminded her of the kwami. While it was a weird comparison it made sense in her head. All the kwami were different, different personalities, opinions, and views of the world. But at the end of the day they were still a family. 

“Hey Pixie!” Jason called from across the table. 

She quickly swallowed her food and replied, “Yeah!” 

“Where’d your nose ring go? I haven’t seen you wear it in a while.” 

“Oh I stopped wearing it. The side effects were so annoying and I just didn’t see the point anymore.” 

“Wait what side effects?” Dick asked, “You weren’t allergic to the material or anything were you?” 

“No, but the magic part of it was tiring to try to keep under control.” Marinette was met with silence. She was very much aware of the chaos she was unleashing and she couldn’t wait. 

It was Cass that ended up breaking the silence, a small grin on her face, “Pay up.” 

“Wait, I betted that she was magic too!” Jason shouted. 

“Yeah, but Cass said she was magic not in the way we think. So technically she wins the bet.” Babs observed. 

“We really should stop betting.” Duke mused, pulling 30 bucks from his wallet and handing it to Cass. 

“Marinette, what do you mean that the magic became too tiring to keep under control?” Tim questioned. 

“And Damian did you know?” Steph butted in. 

“Yes I did know.” Damian answered. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Dick asked, placing a hand to his heart to show how betrayed he felt. 

“Because Stompp gave him the shovel talk once he found out.” Marinette giggled. 

“Stompp?” Duke repeated. 

“Yeah my kwami at the time. His miraculous is the nose ring I used to wear.” 

“Kwami? Miraculous?” Bruce finally decided to add into the conversation. 

“Oh yeah. This is gonna be a long explanation.” Marinette chuckled to herself, Damian let a small smile onto his face before replacing it with a scowl. 

“Wait, I wanna know about the shovel talk Damian got?” Jason interrupted. 

“Why is this Stompp called a kwami and why is your nose ring a miraculous and why is Stompp connected to it?” Tim voiced. 

“Okay how about I start at the beginning.” Marinette reasoned to the agreement of the family. 

“Which beginning?” Damian smirked, much to the confusion of his family. 

“I’ll start at the very beginning.” Marinette smirked back at him before launching into her story. Needless to say it was a long night. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my god I’m so sorry I was late. If you didn’t see my post from yesterday I was supposed to post this yesterday but life kinda hit me with a train. Then burned down the hospital I was in and sent me to hell. Life hasn’t been to great. But here I am with the final part to this mini series. It’s no masterpiece but its something and I promised I would post today. Thank you for all of the support I’ve been getting! All of those who like, comment, and reblog, I’m thanking all of you. Honestly seeing that so many people like what I’m doing is one of the only motivation factors I’ve got going, so again thank you! Tagging all the people that commented on part 2 which you can find in my Master List. It will be Maribat March day 6 and 12. If you want me to link parts 1 and 2 ask me. I didn’t want to at first because I’m lazy but if you want me too I can.

@maribatmarch-2k21 @lunarwolfspn @myazael  @birdiesthings  @northernbluetongue @thecaptainthunder

#maribatmarch2021 #maribat #maribat march #magic #daminette #final part #final part to ox miraculous marinette #hope u enjoyed #part 1 was day 6 miraculous side effects #part 2 was day 12 second chance #find those in my master list #sorry for posting late! #ill do better

[sarnie-for-varney]

aah i have another request, if that's okay? 😳 could you please write an "imagine dating tommy" (from bernie cliftons dressing room) ficlet? thank youuu : >

Ahhh @lapis-lazuliie! This took way too long and I'm so sorry! In this, technically you aren't dating because you're married but you have been dating a while and you only just got married so it kinda counts. Anyway, thank you for the suggestion! It should not have taken this long 😂😭

I Really Miss Him - Inside No.9 Imagines (Thomas 'Tommy' Drake x Reader - Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room)

Your eyes flutter open, a beam of daylight radiating through a small opening in the curtains. You squint against it, rubbing the sleep away and turn to look at the time.

9 am

From the sound of running water, you concluded that Tommy was probably already in the shower. You sat up in bed and smiled, thinking of your husband. A feeling of safety and reassurance gripped you as you fumbled with your wedding band.

A loud clunk came from the bathroom, indicating that the shower was now off and he'd be coming out at any moment. Knowing this, you slide out of bed onto the soft carpet and slip yourself into a dressing gown. It was Saturday, you don't have anywhere to be.

Gazing back at the bed, you remember the night before. Him, clutching you in bridal style as he carried you home from the after party. Only yesterday morning, you two were simply dating. Now you were bound to each other, and it made your heart melt knowing you'll be spending the rest of your life with him. The way he kissed you at the front of that church, so youthful and energetic. The way his stark blue eyes bore into yours when he said his vows, the way he effortlessly slid the ring onto your finger. Clearly there was no hesitation. He loved you and only you.

Then laying in bed, side by side, just like any other night. Yet it felt so different. His scent, his touch. Everything about him to you was perfect. And everything about you was perfect to him.

Across the room, the bathroom door clicked open. Tommy stood in the doorway, rubbing his silver hair with a towel. Seeing you were awake, he flashed you a smile. "Good morning, beautiful" His deep, soft voice drifted through you, still groggy from sleep.

You return the smile, "Mm... morning"

A yawn erupts within you and he giggles, showing his teeth. "Still tired?"

"A little bit"

"Me too. We got back quite late" He said, walking closer to you and moving the hair out of your eyes. "And I suppose I did keep you awake"

"Oi, cheeky!" You laugh, playfully hitting his arm.

Tommy's hands trail down to your waist, and he draws you in closer. "I love you" he mutters, wrapping his arms around you.

You place your head on his shoulder, taking in the smell of soap and basking in the warm, slight dampness of his skin. As if reading your mind, he cups the back of your neck and places his lips on yours. His fingers reach for your hand and he holds it in his, your free hand travelling to his shoulder. "I love you too" you say when the contact is broken.

"Oh, that reminds me. I've got an online meeting today" His face changed, a sadness showing behind his eyes. "Its about those... YouTube videos"

"Don't tell me you're still getting rid of them-"

"I have to! They-" He stopped and lowered his voice. "They're an embarrassment to me".

You notice the melancholy really set into his face, his small wrinkles becoming even deeper as he frowns. You couldn't bear to see him like that. A heavy burden hung over him, you knew, but you wish he wouldn't hide his emotions.

"When is your meeting?" You ask, changing the subject. You wanted to sit and talk to him, but you knew it would upset him.

"9:30. So in about 20 minutes"

"Then I'll go put the kettle on" Smiling, you take his face in both of your hands and kiss his forehead. This simple movement made him light up slightly, but not enough to wipe away the darkness behind his eyes.

...

You press down the small lever on the kettle and spoon 2 sugars into a mug. Plopping in a peppermint teabag, you look back and admire him as you wait for the kettle to boil. He looked so handsome when lost in concentration, moving his hands so quickly across the keyboard. However, the anxious look on his face showed that it wasn't concentration he was lost in. It was thought. And those thoughts didn't seem pleasant.

A slight click sounded behind you and you lifted the kettle off of its base, pouring hot water into the cup. The sweet aroma of tea wafted upwards. "You did want peppermint, didn't you Tom?" You call, snapping Thomas out of his worried trance.

"You know it's my favourite" He says, looking up at you. The cold glow of the computer screen lit up his face and reflected off his glasses, making him look like some sort of technological angel. Opening the fridge, you take out the bottle of milk. There's only a little bit left in the bottom of the bottle.

"That's what I forgot. Milk" You give an exasperated sigh, scolding yourself for your mistake.

"I'll get some after my meeting, darling"

You pour the last of the milk into the two cups and carry them to the table, putting one on a coaster next to Tommy. He reaches up and pecks you on the lips before fixing his eyes back on the computer. Knowing you'll have to be quiet for the duration of the meeting, you decide to sit on the couch.

"Hello! This is Thomas Drake, founder of Angry Tomatoes" He sounded so professional when he introduced himself, "I called you not too long ago about some YouTube clips"

"The ones about 'Cheese and Crackers', was it? The double act, not the food" The anonymous man joked, not even bothering to introduce himself.

Thomas didn't laugh back. Instead, a tinge of pain spread across his face, "Yes, the double act" He sighed, placing his hands on the desk. "I'd like them removed"

"And why is that? Are they offensive in some way?" The man opened a notebook, "We have to see if they're legible for removal"

"Legible for- Okay. They're an embarrassment to me, I don't want people in my company knowing about... my mistakes"

"Your- bloody hell, you're Tommy!" The man chided, not knowing the damage he was doing.

"Yes..." He closed his eyes and exhaled a shaky breath, "I was. But I'm not anymore. I want them taken down"

You watched this interaction from the couch, watching the man goad him. Part of you wanted to go over there and give him a piece of your mind. But instead, you tried to stay quiet. You'd only upset Thomas more if you raised your voice.

"Well, that seems like a logical explanation. I'll see what I can do"

"Thank you" He didn't say goodbye, he just closed the laptop lid. He hid his face in his hands and a shuddering breath escaped him. You immediately stand up and go over to him.

"Tommy-"

"Please don't call me that" Now the shakiness of his voice had become clear, and you noticed the small droplets collecting on the table.

"Look at me" You say. He doesn't move. "Thomas, please look at me". He looks up at you, tears forming in his eyes. Jaw clenched and face twisted in sorrow, all of his pain was now flooding out. Old tears mixed with new ones as all of his emotions bubbled over.

Your arms wrapped around him and he places his head on your shoulder, his cries tearing through your heart. This was the complete opposite to the man you knew, but you didn't care. His deep-seated agony was being surfaced, and all you wanted to do was be there for him. After a while, his cries turn to sniffles. Then you speak, barely able to hide your own tears as they slide down your cheeks. "Why do they embarrass you?"

"They don't. I just... don't want to have to remember him anymore" He wipes his eyes, his voice cracking.

"...Len?"

He nods, choking back another cry. "I just... I miss him so much" he breaks down again. "It hurts to see us... so happy when I remember all the shit we went through"

You bend down and take off his glasses, now knelt next to him. His eyes, now red and puffy, don't break contact with yours. You skim a finger across his cheek, wiping away his tears. "Thomas, it's okay to remember. It's good to remember"

"It hurts-"

"It will! He was your best friend, it's something that will never go away!" You say, now tears also flooded your eyes. "But don't try to forget him. And don't shut me out"

He smiles, taking your hand in his.

"He thought the bloody world of you, you know?" You continue.

"I know he did. He never let me forget that"

You stand again, pulling him up. "Let's go for a walk, eh?" You walk across to the bedroom door. "We have to go get milk anyway"

"Alright"

With a smile, you say "And you can tell me all about him"

Hope you enjoyed! Sorry that it was so depressing but... it is BCDR we're talking about so 🥰

#ask #asks #ask response #question #questions #suggestion #suggestions #lapis-lazuliie #inside no.9 #in9 #bernie cliftons dressing room #bernie #bcdr #thomas 'tommy' drake #inside no.9 imagines #in9 imagines #bernie cliftons dressing room imagines #bernie imagines #bcdr imagines #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

[backtobackbakubabe]

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 9)

Bakugo x Reader 

Have you seen this man

**** Warning**** This chapter has a bit more graphic violence than the others. 

Words : 2810

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

You actually got pulled to duty today, so naturally you just had to be feeling under the weather. Any other day of the week you could sit at your desk or hell just lay on one of the many couches in the break room, but nope. Not today. Today you need to go assist in a bank robbery. It was a simple call. They just needed you to pop in and get the hostages out. Piece of cake. From what you understood there was only four hostages and only two villains. Walk in the park.

But because you were already having a bad day it would only make sense if it got worse from there. So you arrive on scene and guess who’s already there? Bakugo. And guess who is yelling like the mad man he is that you don't need to go in there? Again Bakugo. 

“Nope. No. I don’t think so! This feels all too familiar. Nope. Cant do it. Go home. I think I can hear Zuko crying from here. You should probably go check on him. I can take care of this...” He probably didn't even know he was doing a full on Deku rant but you weren’t about to point that out to him right now. 

“Ground Zero... I appreciate your concern but I was called here specifically. I assume because they knew you’d blow up the building. I’ll have them out in five minutes. Now you can either help me or pout. That part is totally up to you.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, probably not appreciating be called Ground Zero. But you were in pubic and trying to be professional. “Okay Adsum..” He threw a little extra sarcasm on your name. “What do you want me to do?” 

You gave him a victorious smile, “I’m glad you asked. I can do this a lot faster if the villains are distracted. So do what you do best. Yell at them, blow things up, get their attention. And once I’ve got them all out you can go Lord Explosion Murder all over the place... Sound good?” 

He ground his teeth, “Yeah whatever just hurry...” 

Before the accident Bakugo wouldn't have bated an eyelash at you doing something like this. Now it was like pulling teeth. 

You ended up pulling everything off flawlessly. Only minor damages but that’s only to be expected when Bakugo’s involved. 

You endured the strobes of flashing cameras as the press yelled praise and questions. But neither you nor Bakugo paid them any attention. In fact you wanted to get as far away as possible. You started to feel light headed and you thought you were going to vomit any second now. Once you were far enough away you bolted towards a trash can and emptied your breakfast. 

Bakugo was at you in an instant holding your hair and rubbing your back, “Oi... you okay? You pushing yourself too hard again? I don’t care how small she is, I’ll fucking fight Dylan.” 

You pulled a tissue out of your pocket and wiped your mouth. “I dont think it’s Dylan. I think I’m just sick. I wasn't feeling too hot before I even came in today. But now that I think of it, We did have a harder day yesterday than we usually do. She had me pushing myself to see how many times I could teleport in under a minute.” You gave him a proud smile, “I got all the way up to 30. Thats once every two seconds.” 

He brushed a few hairs out of your face, “As proud as I am of you, you need to take better care of yourself. I know you say she knows your limits and everything but I still dont think there’s a chance in hell she knows your limits better than you do.” You went to protest but he gave you a pointed look, “Can you please take the rest of the day off? Just go home and get some rest. You clearly need it. ” 

“Ugh, fine... but only if you bring home some ice cream later...”

He laughed, “You and your damn ice cream. Yes I will bring you ice cream. Cookies and cream or chocolate chip cookie dough?” 

You gave him puppy dog eyes, “Both?” 

He smirked, “How could I say no to that. Alright you got yourself a deal. Now get out of here before I throw you over my shoulder and drag you home myself.” 

You wagged your eyebrows, “Oh yeah?” 

He thumped you between the eyes, “Oi! We are at work women! Contain yourself.... you also just threw up...soooo I will give you a professional hand shake goodbye.” 

He held his hand out and you just rolled you eyes. You held your hand out as well but before it met his you popped behind him and smacked his ass. “Report me to HR... I dare you.” And then you popped away in the direction of your apartment before he could scold you. You ended up ditching the costume and packing it away in your backpack. You called a cab because you really were not feeling well. 

You didn't know if the cab driver was staring at you periodically because he recognized you or if he thought you might throw up in his cab. Either way he didn't make any attempts at conversation which you were thankful for. 

You quickly took a half ass shower and brushed your teeth before going straight to bed. You passed out a soon as your head hit the pillow. 

You woke up hours later to the loud ringing of your cell phone. You checked the time before you answered. It’s a little past midnight, Katsuki should have been home by now. 

The caller ID said Kiri and your heart sank. With shaky hands you clicked answer, “He..” You cleared your throat, “Hey Kiri? What’s with the late night phone call? You wouldn't happen to know where Bakugo is would you?”

“That’s actually why I’m calling! I’m on my way to get you. I’ll explain everything when I get there. Just get dressed and get ready to go. Zuko too! Dont answer the door for anyone who isn't me!” 

He hung up before you could ask what was going on. Truly panicking now you jumped out of bed and started digging around for clothes. You were pulling on your shoes while simultaneously trying to locate Zuko’s leash when a loud bang came from the other side of the door. 

“Hey Bitch! Open up the damn door! We know you’re in there! Dont make me break this shit down!” 

Zuko started growling as you looked through the peephole. You gasped, it was the cab driver from earlier. He did recognize you. And he brought a friend. 

“Your little boyfriend aint here to protect you now is he! Not like he was the night he killed my brother! My brothers dead because of you!” 

You had no idea what the mad man was talking about but it was enough to send chills down your spine. You didn't want to risk having to fight them one on one. You still felt too sick for that. You knew Kiri was on the way so you could wait util he got there... *CRACK*

They had started kicking at the door now. “Shit...” 

“We’re going to make you pay for what you did you little bitch!” 

*CRACK*

“Then when we’re done, we’ll take out that that little shit stain Ground Zero!” 

*CRACK*

“Then we’ll track down every girl you saved that night!”

*CRACK*

You ran to the kitchen and took one of Bakugo’s really expensive knives. Surely he’d forgive you for fucking it up. You returned to the door that was only about one hard push from coming off the hinges. You focused really hard as you squeezed the knife in your hand. Then there was a slight pop and the knife was gone. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!” You looked through the peephole again but this time the cab drivers buddy had a knife... Bakugo’s knife, the one you were just holding, lodged in his chest. You did it.... You had teleported the knife through the door.

Before you had a chance to back away from the door, the cab driver threw his shoulder into it, effectively taking it off its hinges and throwing you to the ground. “Fuck!” You tried to scramble to your feet but he caught your ankle. 

You kicked him in the face twice before he let go. You had barley gotten to your feet when Zuko lunged for him. Bakugo spent a lot of time training him... so it didn't surprise you when he went straight for the throat. But watching as your dogs teeth sank into another man’s throat... it was hard to watch. 

The man cried out in alarm but Zuko just dug deeper and growled. You eyes went wide, “Zuko! No! Get back here!” 

Zuko let go and ran back to you. The man’s blood was pooling around him now as his eyes began to droop close. 

You sat down in shock staring at the scene before you. Two dead men. Blood. so much blood. Your breathing was starting to get shallow.

“Holy shit! What happened to don’t open the door for anyone but me?! Y/N! Are you okay?” 

Your eyes slowly met Kirishima's, “Where’s Bakugo?” 

He grabbed your hand and started pulling you out of the apartment and down the hallway. “I’ll tell you in the car... Come on Zuko!” 

You sped off with Kirishima checking his rearview mirror periodically. He didn't ease up until he was almost to the agency you worked at. “Okay so here's the deal. So as you just discovered some quirkless cabdriver found out where you and Bakugo live. He sent a threat along with some pictures of you walking into the building to Bakugo.” 

You gasped but Kirishima wasn't done, “Yeah but what's worse is he also sent it to the league of villains. Told them you were the one who messed up their human trafficking deal and Bakugo was the one who blew up some of their best men. You both have pretty big targets on your back right now. And Bakugo being Bakugo... he....” 

Your hands gripped the leather armrest, “Kiri don’t tell me he went off on his own... KIRISHIMA WHERE IS HE?!” 

He gave you a sad look, “We don’t know. He called me and told me to get you out of the apartment and then hung up... That was an hour ago.” 

Your eyes welled with tears. He’s so stupid. always yelling at you for not waiting for back up and now he thinks he can just show up alone to fight the League of villains of all people! 

“Where are you taking me?”

“Technically I’m supposed to bring you to the agency while we wait this out... but...” 

You leaned forward, “But what?”

“But we’re going to meet up with Deku, Todoroki, and Denki and where going to go get him.” 

“I thought you said you didn't know where he was?”

He gave you a shit eating grin, “I dont. But we happen to know where all the League of Villain hideouts are. All we need now is for you to teleport to each one. Find him and report back. They’re all within a few miles of each other. I know it’s kind of pushing it but Bakugo told me you once teleported 15 miles.” 

You nodded, “By accident sure, but my range has gone up! Its almost to three miles now... He’ll kill you for this you know? He won't want me involved in this at all.”

He rubbed his neck, “Well that's a risk I’m willing to take to get his dumb ass home.” 

Half an hour later you along with the others were huddled around a map with all possible locations circled. Todoroki pointed to a spot almost exactly in the middle if the others, “That’s where we are right now. This spot is about 5 to 10 miles from all possible locations. Y/n. We need you to teleport to each of them until you find them. When you do, do not engage. Teleport back to us. You’ll take me first, then Midoriya, them Kaminari, and lastly Kirishima. Do you understand?”

You nodded, “I’m going to be honest.. I don’t know how efficient Ill be. I’ve only been working on this kind of thing for a month or so. I’ll likely have to teleport two or three times to get to each location. Do you have pictures?” 

He shook his head, “No I apologize we do not. Are you sure you’re up to it?”

You cracked your knuckles, “Which one first?” 

You popped in and out. Running into trees, and ponds, and whatever else was in your way. You had to stop to throw up nice or twice, but you never did it in front of the other heros. They didn't need to see you were sick. You were on to the fourth location when you made a mental note to thank Dylan profusely when this is all over. Without her intense training you don’t know if you could have done any of this.

This stretch only took you two teleports to get there. You were breathing heavy with a sweat soaked shirt when you heard it, the familiar sound of an explosion. “Katsuki?” You were hiding in a couple of trees that surrounded a barn. You teleported to the top of the closest tree and look down. Sure enough there he was. You were itching to go to him. To drag him out by his ear. But you had a job to do. You took one last look at his blonde head. Hoping he would still be here when you got back. 

In one long stretch that made your muscles scream in protest you teleported back to your friends, “I found him now lets go. We need to hurry!” 

Shouto stepped up and you spat a quick, “Hold your breath.” And you were off. You dropped him by the same tree you had just stood under and pointed in Bakugo’s direction, “Hes that way. Just listen for the yelling and the explosions.” 

Without waiting for a response you went back to get Midoriya. When you dropped him off you started to feel dizzy. Not good. You leaned on a tree and gripped your head. Through gritted teach you made it back for Kaminari.

When you came for Kiri you couldn’t help it. You threw up. 

“Shit Y’n are you okay?” 

“Yeah I just have the flue or something. Just give me a minute.” 

A minute turned to twenty and you could still hardly pick your head up. Kiri came and knelt next to you. “Hey they made it out okay. They took him kicking and screaming, but they got out. I just got off the phone with Midoriya. What do you say we get you to a hotel room and get you something to eat huh? My treat. It’s the least I can do after I basically volunteered you for this.” 

You wanted to protest but your stomach gave you away. You hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and you had thrown that up a long time ago. “Yeah I could really use some food. I’m fucking starving.” 

You called ahead and ordered a room as well as enough food for a small family. Kirishima got the room next to yours and told you to let him know if you needed anything. 

You opened the door and the smell of pizza, chicken nuggets, and mac and cheese hit you. You couldn't decide what you wanted so you had ordered it all. You needed a little comfort food. You deserved this. 

You had devoured the mac and cheese and was about to dig into the pizza when you heard the click of the door.

You grabbed your fork tightly as you stepped over to see who it was. 

“They didn't have cookie dough, so I could only get you cookies and cream.. I hope thats okay..”

You dropped your fork and flung yourself at him, “You’re so fucking stupid you know that! You cant do that to me. I was so scared!” 

He slowly wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his nose through your hair, “I know. I’m sorry. I just.... I saw red. I couldn't let them get to you. The only thing on my mind was to protect you.  And then Kirishima told me they went to the apartment anyways. SHIT are you okay? I heard you stabbed a guy..?”

You flinched, “Well not exactly. I teleported the knife through the door... Zuko handled the other guy. Speaking of which he needs a bath... He has blood in his fur...”   

He cupped your face in his hands, “Later when were both not emotionally exhausted I’d like to talk about how badass and impressive you are. But nows not the time.” He looked to Zuko who was wagging his tail at his feet, “Thank you for looking out for our girl.” He gave him a quick pat on the head

You pulled away from his embrace and ran to the bathroom and threw up for probably the fifth time today. 

“Damn Y/n I’m sorry. I was the one who asked you to take the day off and then you had to go and work so fucking hard just so you guys could find me. I’m such a dumbass. I’m sorry.” 

You leaned against the tub, “You're not a complete dumbass. You still remembered the ice cream.” 

#bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugō #bakugo imagine #mha bakugou #mha #mha imagines #mha x reader #bhna #bhna bakugou #bhna imagine #bhna x reader #my hero academia

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

NOLA marathon recap!

-now that it’s over I know it all worked out but in retrospect new orleans was a horrible place to pick to run a marathon lol the race itself was great but it’s definitely a party city and especially because jared’s parents are here with us (and not running) it kinda felt like we were missing out on the full experience (for instance last night we were at a jazz club but had to leave early and didn’t get drinks, etc. but we still have 24 hours of fun!)

-I was STRESSIN about what to eat yesterday/this morning because I really did not practice that while training because I just wanted to live my life and not worry about eating a certain way for a long run every weekend (plus on a normal run its no biggie to stop to use the bathroom) so I was feeling very ahhhhh!!!! yesterday, again, also because jared’s parents were here and don’t understand my running related insanity like jared does lol

-so yesterday I ate: bagel w/ cc and strawberries, pineapple

-oyster/shrimp po boy (I mean we are in new orleans) with fries

-a glass of white wine, shared fancy brussel sprouts with the table, cacio e pepe pasta (which was basically like less creamy mac and cheese and I was worried might be a bad decision but oh well) and a couple bites of a dessert we all shared (only recording this for future marathon reference)

-generally I don’t eat before morning runs but when I have all the time in the world (aka over winter break) I like to eat breakfast, poop, and then run and that was always when I had my best runs, I felt conflicted over whether or not to get up early to eat before the race because even though technically I have eaten breakfast before runs I have never intentionally woken up early with the explicit goal of eating before a long run PLUS when I ate (5am) here it was 3am my (CA) time and I was v worried about not being able to poop and then having to run feeling bloated and bleh

-but I decided to eat oatmeal and I DID poop (aren’t you all glad to know?) and that was well and good

-I had been wavering between my race plan because half of me was like “find the 4 hour pacer and just run a little bit faster at the end and you will break four” since my nyc time was 4:12 and my main goal was to break 4 but THEN my ego jumped in (that’s always good!) and was like nah nah nah nah nah but I want to go FASTER. Honestly I had NO idea what pace I could maintain for 26.2. I have been running most of my runs VERY slowly (for me) at like 10-12min pace but then I also have runs where I’ve run 6-7-8 pace (although short distance) and felt good so I was like uh uh uh because I didn’t want to finish feeling like I had more in me but I DEFINITELY didn’t want to burn out SO I decided I would find the 3:50 pacer and run the first half with them and then reassess (also, I generally run a race pace about 30 seconds faster than my usual pace comfortably because adrenaline so even though I thought the 3:50 aka 8:46 pace might be a little bit pushing it I was like welp I can always pull back if it feels like too much in the beginning)

-anyway! got to the start, found the 3:50 pacer, decided I would glue myself to her hip forever.

-THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY: I don’t know how many of you have heard but last week in oklahoma a driver hit a group of runners from a highschool xc team while they were on a run and killed 2 of them and injured 4 others, I read that headline the other day and was like holy shit. THEN! In the starting corral I was next to this guy and he asked me if I had heard about that and I was like actually yes and HE IS A RUNNER ON THAT XC TEAM AND HE SAID HE WAS THERE TODAY TO RUN IN MEMORY OF HIS TEAMMATES WHO WERE KILLED and I was like holy shit you are incredible and that’s amazing and also I’m so sorry that that reason for being here exists in the first place but like WHAT! small world

-anyway! the pacer’s name was kim and she was from new orleans and we talked a bunch and kinda formed a little 3:50 squad and all got to know eachother and it was GREAT I 100% plan to run with a pacer in the future it was a game changer and I honestly believe I owe my race to it. It forced me to hold back in the beginning and hang on at the end and took all of the thinking and calculations out of it because I knew if I just hung onto her I would get there in time

-the first half of the race was nice and in the downtown area but the second half was ROUGH. It was along the lake and it was WINDY AS SHIT! And there were a bunch of bridges and even though the rest of the course was flat they were...tough. Around 18 I was like ok starting to enter the pain cave and then at 20 I was like ahhhhhh

-But I had mentally prepared myself for the mental battle of the race *see alexi pappas quote on hand* and I told myself to just stop thinking and keep moving forward, before the race even started I knew my biggest challenge in this race would be my brain, not my fitness level

-But then at 21 I started to think about dropping off the pace group because another 5 miles at that pace just seemed so. hard. But I hung on

-And then at 22 I was like ok no I need to walk for a sec my stomach did NOT feel good, so I stopped to walk on a WINDY FKING BRIDGE and then I started dry heaving into the wind but had basically nothing in my stomach I guess and I was like well this is bad but I feel validated in my need to walk for a sec!

-Miles 22-24 were just fucking hard. I had a super bad cramp and was in the pain cave and honestly walked a fair bit and the whole time I was like bitch we are not having an nyc repeat!

-I knew that I had run the first 22 miles fast enough that if I just kept. moving. I would finish under 4. Even though my sub 3:50 ship had sailed I was like YOU HAVE COME TOO FAR TO LET THIS GET AWAY FROM YOU.

-I SHUFFLED mile 25 but I was like if you can just run, even your slowest possible pace, you will make it.

-And then there was a HUGE BRIDGE HILL that I had forgotten about just past 25 and I was like holy shitTtTtTt

-But then I had .7 to go and I KNEW I was going to make it

-And the whole time I was just like “Danielle just keep fucking moving. Just get there under 4 hours. You can take 500 years off of running after this. You can get a fancy drink with dinner tonight. Just keep fucking moving.”

-And I did just that

-As I approached the finish I looked at the seconds on my watch because I honestly felt like I had NOTHING left to give so I was like ok how close am I to the next minute and I was at like 3.52:20 or something and I was like oh we HAVE this

And then it was over! And I am so happy with the result! And I found jared and his parents and it was the best I could have asked for and honestly, I respect the marathon so much more. I feel like after nyc because my pacing screwed me over I was like pft I can run a WAY faster marathon if I’m just smart! I just didn’t run that one intelligently! (which like yes true BUT) but today I was like fuck no marathons are just HARD. That’s the tea!

So! 3:52. 20 minute PR. Honestly not the best training cycle. Can’t wait to see what I’m capable of when I really give it my all.

#personalposts #runs #nola marathon #myfood #nola #la

[mdwatchestv]

Everything I’m Going to Watch in April: *** SUPER QUARANTINE EDITION***

I mean.... here we all are then.

Usually in these blogs I try to keep the fantasy alive of like “oooh maybe I really am going to watch all of these shows!” But, let’s just cut to the chase - you’re bored, you need to fill the yawning void of time between now and when they let us back outside (June?), you clicked on this for cold hard content recs. I hear you, I see you, I adore you, I’d love to embrace you, but most importantly: I got you. This month, I’m listing everything that could even remotely be in the realm of watchability. I do it for you.

BUT FIRST - Let’s talk about QUIBI. Quibi (“Quick Bites”) has been a looming threat for a long time and its time is finally nigh. Designed for “people on the go” (lol remember them?), it’s tv, movies, and docs released in ten minute or less “bites” on your mobile device. I think it’s supposed to tap into the same part of your brain that wants to watch 100 Tik Toks when you are technically “in bed” but haven’t put your phone down yet. It launches April 6 and you can get a 90-day free trial! Just the length of the rest of our time indoors! And on that date Quibi is ready to absolutely blast you in the face with a shotgun of content and celebrities. Chrissy Teigen is a judge, Chance the Rapper is Ashton Kutcher, Liam Hemsworth is a dying task rabbit. We are flipping murder houses, break dancing, and learning how to become drag queens. Also turns out this is the final resting place of When the Streetlights Go On! Who knew. I can not do individual recs because I am just one girl, and Quibi is a vast, merciless ocean of bites. However you are welcome to  drown in a full list of their offerings here: GOOD LUCK 

Now in case Quibi doesn’t permanently disfigure the television industry and forever alter all of our viewing habits, here’s what’s on “real” TV:

Friday, April 3rd 

Home Before Dark (Apple +) 

A tiny child journalist solves a cold case in a small town! This is based on a true story (?!?!?) Adorable! Gritty!

Harley Quinn Season 2 (DC Universe)

If you want to continue the high of Birds of Prey, I have heard the animated series is actually pretty good. No idea how to get DC Universe tho, you’re on your own there.

Money Heist Part 4 (Netflix)

La Casa De Papal! Never been a better time to learn to speak Spanish AND plan the perfect heist with your hot criminal friends!

Tales From The Loop (Amazon Prime) 

A sci-fi show based on Simon Stålenhag’s paintings (see above). Its Swedish, its futuristic, Rebecca Hall is in it. Feels like more of a vibe than a show tbh, but the painting is cool!

Sunday, April 5th

Kim Kardashian West: The Justice Project (7pm on Oxygen)

I KNOW some of you want to watch this.

Thursday, April 9th

The Good Fight S4 (CBS All Access) 

PSA: This is back for those who partake, and CBS All Access is doing one month free! Sir Patrick said so!

The Circle: France (Netflix)

Okay so I did watch all of The Circle, Netflix’s social media reality show. Am I proud? No. Am I going to watch it in French? Yes.

Sunday, April 12th AKA NATIONAL PWB DAY

Killing Eve Season 3 (9pm on BBC America / AMC) 

Admittedly, I was underwhelmed by season 2 but that’s only because season 1 set the very highest bar imaginable. Our favorite murder girlfriends are back with a NEW lady show runner, so blank slate baby. Speaking of the perfect season 1, it is all on HULU. 

Run (10:30pm on HBO)

After Killing Eve hop right on over to HBO where this show from PWB’s writing partner Vicky Jones premieres! What a day for us! Ex-lovers abandon their lives to RUN away together. Merritt Weaver! Phoebe is actually IN it!  Romance! Intrigue! Also I have official confirmation: Domhnall Gleeson is doing his natural accent for those of us made nervous by the teaser. 

Wednesday, April 15th 

Mrs. America (FX but on Hulu) 

Look, I’m just going to come out and say what we’re all thinking: Rose Byrne is the most underrated actress alive, every performances is a master class, and her American accent is a work of art. Anyway she plays Gloria Steinem in this and she’s going to absolutely crush it. This miniseries about the ERA could not be more on brand for me: fabulous actresses of today, playing feminist heroes of yesterday! Thank you FX, for this gift. And thank you Australia for Rose Byrne (and Cate Blanchett!) 

What We Do in the Shadows Season 2 (10pm FX on FX and then on Hulu) 

Season 1 also on Hulu to catch up! Maybe even I myself, your dearest blogger, will catch up. Anything is possible.

Thursday, April 23rd 

We’re Here (9pm on HBO)

Shangela, Bob the Drag Queen, and Eureka travel the country and empower people by making them into drag queens! Like a hug for your heart (in case you never actually physically hug anyone ever again).

Friday, April 24th 

Defending Jacob (Apple +) 

Chris Evans has to defend his son, Jacob. Look, do you want to stare at Chris Evans or not?

Sunday, April 26th

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (10pm on Showtime)

A sequel to the OG Penny Dreadful, the new series takes place in 1930s Los Angeles and Natalie Dormer in a leather dress, Natalie Dormer in a leather dress, Natalie Dormer in a leather dress, and um other supernatural chaos too I guess.

Vida Season 4 (9pm on Starz)

One of the shows most recommended to me I haven’t watched. I’ll say to you what my friends say to me: “Martha it’s only 30 minutes!”

Monday, April 27th

Never Have I Ever (Netflix) 

A teen comedy by Mindy Kaling about an Indian-American girl growing up in the valley. There will be awkwardness and growth! I love teens!!!

I Know This Much Is True (9pm on HBO)

2 Mark Ruffalos. 

Okay if you can’t find something here to whittle away the minutes unto freedom then idk how to help you. Please stay inside and watch tv, stay safe, I love you, I’m thinking of you <3

XO MD

#Martha Writes #Everything I'm going to watch #tv writing #tv blog #tv schedule #tv gifs #what to watch #other tv #everything i'm going to watch in april 2020 #april 2020 #natalie dormer #penny dreadful #i know this much is true #mark ruffalo #vida #money heist #mrs america #never have i ever #shangela #quarantine #run #killing eve #phoebe waller-bridge #stay home #social distancing #merritt weaver #quibi

[guccifloralsuits]

hi we were talking about books yesterday and i was wondering if you have any good fiction recommendations? 😇😇😇

Yes, I have so many! I broke them down into relative categories, so there’s a little mix of everything. Please read the actual synopsis before diving in though, as some have major trigger warnings.

Books considered “classics”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: a book which I come back to in hard times of my life. There’s something so…necessary about this story. Prose style was great. I would rec this book to every person I know.

Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf: I read this when my life seemed to be changing faster than I could keep up. Beautifully written. Came at a time when I needed it.

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys: written as a prequel to Jane Eyre and a modernist masterpiece honestly. THE original meditation on the ideal of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Color Purple by Alice Walker: you’ve probably heard this name from the adaptation. Let me tell you. This book deserves all of its acclaim. I think I’m gonna re-read soon.

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austin: this is super mainstream for The Literary Circles but it’s for good reason, this book is just? Fun? An honestly enjoyable read? plus when I was taking my SATs way back when they had an essay section, I could use this book for literally any prompt they gave

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: this book is wild. Everyone is a messy bitch who lives for drama & I love it. I just finished it and omg

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: my emo teen- girl rebelling ass ate this shit up back in high school. Is this book overrated? I don’t care. I love it for nostalgic value anyways

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood: startling beautiful lines. I have almost half this book underlined. A popular read in recent times, with good reason.

A picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: I fundamentally disagree with everything written in this book. That is exactly the point. About being gay & sinning. I would not recommend this as a ‘light’ read though. Easy to get swept up in Wilde’s sharp wit & not catch the intentional malice behind what he says, underneath.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: I just. Love this. That’s all I have to say. Yeah.gif

All The King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren: The nihilism of Oscar Wilde but set to a political backdrop in the 30’s with stylistic prose akin what you’d read from Hemingway. Probably not for everyone’s taste. But right up my alley in terms of political intrigue. If ur a stuffy English Major with who likes books about corruption, you’ll like this.

Popularized books that are worth the hype they had:

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: there’s something so…engaging about the way this is written. It’s pretty much about kids who have to act like adults for their shitty parents. I couldn’t put this down though.

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn: as with all her novels, this gets dark. This gets ugly. An absolute thriller, & I can’t recommend her books enough. (You might know her from Gone Girl & Sharp Objects. This story follows similar tone). Honestly I rec anything by Flynn.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman: you’ve probably heard of or seen this movie. Well guess what? the book is even better.

YOU by Caroline Kepnes: aka the adapted Netflix series where dan from gossip girl plays plays joe, who is basically Dan but Unhinged. But like, the books are great. “Hidden Bodies” which is the sequel to this is even better, in my opinion. Just plz don’t romance Joe cus you saw penn badgley in a Netflix poster & were thirsty 4 him

Lesser Known/underrated books which could use your love:

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley: A reimagining of King Lear, set on an Iowa farm in the late 1970s. Powerful and disturbing

The Gold Bug Variations by Richard Powers: specifically for classical music lovers. Basically a long meditation on supernal mysteries of music, specifically Bach’s intricate Goldberg Variations (you’ll wanna have the Glenn Gould recording to hand), & those of the DNA molecule (especially as a code to be broken) It gradually dawns on you that the two couples listening to the music and studying the molecule are themselves engaged in something strangely molecular and musical. You won’t always understand this book, but it keeps taking your breath away.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn: did I buy this book solely because of this tumblr post? Yeah. But it was easily one of the best decisions I’ve made. The way he manipulates letter-language is wild. Woah. Highly recommended.

The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window & Disappeared by Jonas Johnson: a 100 year old dude escapes his nursery home a steals a suitcase full of drug money then goes on a giant crime spree. HIGHLY entertaining. We stan a King

The Sellout by Paul Beatty: probably the greatest satirical comedy written within the last 50 years. I said what I said.

Children’s/teen/YA books you should absolutely read

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: wonderfully creative, beautifully told. Takes abstract constructs and turns them into concrete beings and landscapes in amazing, engaging ways. Please read this. One of my all-time favorite books. Takes the protagonist, Milo, on a fantastical adventure borne through boredom on what he though would be another average day. Seriously. I love this book. So much.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: another beautifully creative foray into a parallel universe where something Not Quite Right lurks beneath a pretty surface. If you’ve seen the movie adaption - great. Still read the book. It’s absolutely worth it.

Love that Dog by Sharon Creech: technically free verse poetry from the perspective of a young boy dealing with the loss of his pet dog who has to write poetry for a class assignment from his teacher. This is…so good. Oh my god. Oh my god? Poetry for non-poetry people.

The Giver by Louis Lowery: Listen. I know you were forced 2 read this in primary English. I know you probably hated it on principle. But this shit was all that kept me going, when I was younger. It made me feel so understood, before I could define trauma or the meaning of depression. This book made me feel seen.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: ya know what? Fuck 2013 tumblr for dumbing this book down into a basic ass Grunge Anthem. I have never seen a book so adequately grapple with how awful romanticizing trauma can be. This book goes into the horrible side of adolescence in a way that’s genuine, and in a way which doesn’t put trauma/mental illness on a pedestal. I needed that shit, when I read it. I still love this book today. The lines will stay with you forever, after you read some of them.

All the Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven: this was another one of those books that I read in an essential time, which lodged into me afterwards. About two teenagers who meet while standing on the bell tower of their school, both contemplating suicide. Highly recommend. Prepare to cry.

You didn’t ask for Poetry but I’m including some because I am poetry TRASH:

Rice by Nikky Finney

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

One Big Self by C.D. Wright

LOOK by Solmaz Sharif

Poetry for people who think poetry is inaccessible to them:

New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood

Our Numbered Days by Neil Hillborn

Depression & Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim

There are literally SO SO SO many books I could also add, but these are the ones that came to mind. Bolded ones are those I especially love. Happy reading!

#book recs #classic literature #children’s literature too #if I could only rec one #I’d pick phantom tollbooth #followed by Their eyes were watching god #words #srry if ur on mobile & this is a long post #quarentine things #recs

[robinruns]

Long, increasingly incoherent rambling under the cut. Sorry if the cut doesn’t work for mobile users and you have to see this brain dump

So when I was leaving work, I dunno if I looked like shit or something, but Jennifer asked if I was tired. Like I had mentioned that I got less than 6 hours of sleep last night so maybe she was just wondering. I said no, because I’ve been tireder, but meh. I mentioned that debate I was having about doing that two miles and neither option sounded good. She suggested I just don’t do it. What is 2 more miles at this point when the race is this weekend? And the more I thought about it as I left, I was like she’s right. I’ve pushed myself hard so far this week. I technically did 3 workouts on Monday. I ran and strength trained on Tuesday. I was on my feet, moving, jumping around for HOURS yesterday. What good is 2 more miles gonna do me when I’m not even trying to PR? Like who cares?

And that’s whats shitty. And what I talked about a therapy today. Like from when I started trying to lose weight and I told myself I’d run a marathon before I turned 30 I worked hard and hit milestone after milestone after milestone, and then I ran a marathon! And then I decided I wanted to run a half marathon under 2 hours and I had to work like a year and half or so at that, and I had some big failures along the way, and like last year I said I wanna PR every distance and I wanna place in my age group at every race and it was like these BIG ASS GOALS and like I didn’t hit them all but it was like... whatever, keep going, keep running, you still got that 2 hour goal, keep working.

And like I did. I kept running and grinding and I stuck to the plan and I did so well because I hit that goal, I ran a half marathon under 2 hours a year ago. And then it was like... I GOTTA GO BIGGER and I went back to the marathon and I feel like that I have to do better, and while I did, it also really knocked me back and I lost all my speed and that just fucking sucks so hard.

And like it kinda really sucks that like other than people on here, because this is a fitness related community (sorry bandom followers) I feel bad talking about what I accomplished because it’s like no one cares about running unless you’re a runner and I know so few runners.

Like at therapy we spent SO MUCH TIME talking about running and like... how I feel when I accomplish goals but like part of it really is that I’m sad that no one comes to my races. Like no one I know in person really cares it feels like so I don’t talk about it and its like it’s to the point where running a half marathon doesn’t even feel like a big deal and so I don’t even talk about it like I’m accomplishing something and then it doesn't’ feel like I’ve accomplished anything and it’s this vicious cycle and like I don’t even know what this means.

I just don’t know. I guess I like running because I can do it alone, I’m not dependent on anyone else, there’s no team element. But I wish I felt like my parents or Kyle wanted to celebrate with me. Like it feels like they only care because its like oh she likes it so we’ll pretend like we care about it. My shitass brain literally can’t comprehend that may, just maybe they genuinely care about my running. Fuck I was even thinking while sitting in the session today that my therapist probably even hates talking about running this much but she fucking HAS TO CARE because I’m paying her to care. Like this is the only way I can get someone to listen to me talk about running for an hour. Fuck I’m annoying.

I don’t know it’s stupid. Depression is stupid. I guess I didn’t realize how much and for how long I’ve been looking at... everything through this prism. Like I’ve been relying on self deprecating humor since I was like 7 years old. Kids didn’t like me. I was fucking weird. I hung out alone and PLAYED WITH THE CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST NECKLACE I GOT AFTER I SAW THE MOVIE. Like... I look back on so much of my life and my heart breaks for who I was and what I went through. Like I wanted to hang out with people but no one wanted me around and then when I was a little older and found friends, I was so worried about what others would think about me because I’d get teased and like I found me old online journals and I was so sad as a teenager as well but no one noticed and like fuck. Why did it have to be that way? Why did I have to be so alone for so long? Why did no one want to be my friend? Why am I still not over it like all this time later? Why am I fucking crying about this now and why didn’t I back then? I just want to go back in time and tell her that she’s doing ok, to be weird and obsessive and to ignore what other people think.

Which is bullshit because I still care what people think. Like a lot. I’m painfully conscious of how awkward and annoying I am and how weird I am and how I like like 3 things and have trouble talking about much else and like I’m never gonna be who I really want to be because my brain gets in the fucking way and

I just want to be happy and set my goals for next year but I don’t even know what I’m going to want to go after. I know I need to just be patient and let the meds start to work so I can think clearly again, but it’s hard to wait. It’s not in my nature.

I don’t know. I think that’s all I have for now. This is like supplemental to my therapy session today. I can’t even remember what she wanted me to work on other than to confirm that he wants to hear how my running goes and like think about goals for next year, but its hard to know what I want at this point

#personal

[mygaycrush]

A day in positivity #2

This morning I woke up late, instead of my early wake up last day (6:40) I woke up at 7:30. But luckily, I took my shower and still had time to spare! English Advanced once again, we were assigned easy homework, a collage and poem of sorts. I haven't had homework like this since middle school! Second period, Lunch. My friend had confided in me about how she had attempted suicide and I invited her to sit with my friend group during lunch today and she seemed to be more relaxed, my friend group is pretty positive and happy. Third period, Chinese, turns out we do not have time for studying in class, so convincing her I am dedicated will be more challenging, but I will do it. Then we practiced the dance we will be performing in our Multi-cultural Event. We wore kimonos and danced to a Chinese song, ironic. The kimono Triggered my Body dysmorphia and made me feel fat, but I tried to ignore it and dance through, after the third dance-through of the song I was feeling much more confident and wasn't bothered by the kimono anymore. I left the class feeling confident and energized. Period Four, Math, we have been learning trigonometry, and I am thoroughly confused. I began my homework in class and everything was going smoothly, I was understanding and solving. But later, the homework would prove to be more confusing than first anticipated. Finally, fifth period, Social Studies, this period would usually announce the end of the school day, but today, and for me, it would not. Yesterday I had finished Unit 13 at home and today we were beginning Unit 14, which I would later complete. I worked hard and today's class was enjoyable, Mrs. Dyck is an amazing teacher and has such a bad reputation among the students for no reason. Sixth period, Technical theatre, that drive and energized-ness from math and social carried into Tech and I finished carving the gravestones! Hometime, which I began by cleaning the skink enclosure! my mom had started a bit of it before I was home (thanks mom love you) and I was able to complete it in a little bit less than an hour, which is a record time! Now. The time has come. homework, as I had said before, math homework had proven to be a struggle I finished the first few questions in a breeze, then the last two (and a half) questions. I just could not figure them out, even though I was using the right formula the answer was just wrong. But no tears, I moved on to Chinese, I studied the first paragraph in the reading final. I did a ten-minute run, I felt so much better afterwards:)Last but not least, I finished Unit 14 in social with the help of my friend Jen. Now its bedtime. Good night! 

#mlm #wlw #solidarty #gay #wholesome #positive #lgbt #happy #sunshine

[fckeverything-v]

 1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick

 2. What is home to you? Alabama:/

 3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you

 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?

 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..

 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk

 8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.

 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha

 10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.

 11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.

 12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(

 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music

 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)

 15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos

 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.

 17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.

 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.

 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone

 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.

 21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

 22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.

 23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..

 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.

 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.

 26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000

 27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.

 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.

 29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'

 30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.

 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH

 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?

 33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.

 34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.

 35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.

 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.

 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.

 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.

 39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk

 40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change

 41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..

 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash

 43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.

 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.

 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?

 46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

 47. What are you scared of? Heights.

 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.

 49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?

 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?

 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.

 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.

 53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.

 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart

 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.

 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?

 58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.

 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me

 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.

 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.

 62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;

 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.

 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.

 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit

 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.

 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No

 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside

 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains

 70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.

 71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.

 72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.

 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.

 74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.

 75. What is your life story in 6 words?

 76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.

 77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking

 78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything

 79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.

 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.

 81. Spirit animal?

 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes

 83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?

 84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox

 85. Favorite memory of your family. :/

 86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness

 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.

 88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb

 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest

 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food

 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..

 92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them

 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out

 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club

 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe

 96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.

 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.

 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends

 99. What languages can you speak? English

 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible

 101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.

 102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.

 103. Favorite food? Soul food

 104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.

 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night

 106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(

 107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people

 108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack

 109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night

 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.

 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.

 112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.

 113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.

 114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed

 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills

 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind

 117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.

 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.

 119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.

 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha

 121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.

 122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)

 123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad

 124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?

 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help

 126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.

 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations

 128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.

 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner

 130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.

 131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.

 132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.

 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.

 134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk

 135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.

 136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.

 137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.

 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.

 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement

 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk

 143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.

 147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???

 141. Biggest disappointment. Myself

 142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.

 144. Prized possession(s)? little things

 145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess

 146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin

 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)

 149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.

 150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car

[onapsychward]

12.11.19 - Day 109

Woke up at 6am! Wide awake pretty much straight away, so I had 3 bowls of cereal and then paced up and down the ward whilst listening to Christmas music.

L was working the early so we had a chat at about 8am, and he said don't take the mirtazapine tonight or tomorrow night, and keep on top of lorazepam during the day today. I was either pacing or shaking so he definitely made the right call.

L didn't want to talk to the consultant about it because he thinks he would strike it from my chart and say no antidepressants ever again (this is the 3rd one to have sent me high), and he's leaving on Wednesday anyway. My next ward round is on Thursday, with the new consultant, and L will be there too, so we can talk about it then.

It really confuses me because I got up to 45mg of mirtazapine in July/August but now 15mg sends me high. Whyyyyyyyy?

L said the procedure about obs and lorazepam is that technically it can be counted as rapid tranquillisation but L doesn't see it that way so doesn't see the need to do obs. I agree with him.

L said I had to wait for the lorazepam to do its thing before being allowed out on leave, but then K took me to Tesco and the pond to see the fish. I got 3 flavours of pot noodle that I don't even know if I like, just because they were there. Whatever.

Did some puzzles and then had lunch. It was amazing. Beef goulash with dumplings, and properly crispy-outside hash browns. The best hospital meal I've had since the first Sunday brunch. I had seconds of the goulash, it was so nice.

Got more lorazepam after lunch and then played a game of chess with R, one of the OTs. He beat me thoroughly. Currently I'm in the lead 3 games to 2.

K was starting up a "hope box" project thing, so I took the information she was giving out, and a shoebox, and worked out what I wanted to put in one. I'm trying. I've got a converse box (I think potentially S's, or someone with the same shoes as him (I didn't realise when I picked it, I just like converse)) so I coloured in the logo and the lettering so that the "ON" is a different colour, and I'm possibly going to write "keep on keeping" above it. Or I might cover it all in something, who knows. I had a few bits already but there were more I wanted to get.

I went out on leave with S, back to Tesco, to buy fish food and some of the things on my list. I got everything I was looking for, and then we went to the pond and fed the fish. It was getting dark so it wasn't very easy, but the fish got the hang of it eventually. It was great fun.

Went back to my mum's house for a bit in the evening. First time I've been there since I got sectioned. It went ok but it was just a massive reminder that it's not my home and I don't have anywhere to go yet, and this is the situation I'm stuck in, on the ward. I got all of my chewy things and fidgets (and some food), partly for the hope box and partly to put back together a kit I always used to keep in my backpack.

It was very nice to see the cats, they're beautiful and soft and lovely. I miss cat cuddles.

Got back and S had to search all the stuff I brought back. I have some cards with positive stuff on that someone gave me, and S said "maybe if I got some of the things I say printed off and put on nice card you would listen to them" and like ouch? I don't even know what I am meant to have been listening to? I did say I try to listen and he said he knows. I need to investigate further.

I had to take all of the cords off my chewies and hand them in. S said he wants me to be able to have them but I can't yet. He's off until Friday now.

I spent ages sorting my box and I'm actually really happy with it. It's a bit over-filled but it doesn't matter. There are various things in there and I'll figure out what works over time.

I brought back my calendar/planner thing because S said he thinks a diary to keep track of what I've got coming up would be useful, and I remembered I was doing that before I was in hospital. So now I have this week and next week's pages stuck on the wall with the things that are happening on them.

Got a Tesco meal deal with my mum but I didn't eat it until about 11:45. I just wasn't hungry. It was nice though, chicken and bacon wrap (lettuce eaten first), malt loaf, and peach iced tea. Finn baked cookies yesterday or the day before so I had a couple of those too.

Spoke to one of the HCAs for a bit which was nice.

There's a new patient in and he seems funny. He also smells terrible. Someone said he pissed into one of the pockets of the pool table, and then at about 11:30 he pissed into a stack of paper cups and poured it into the fruit bowl (which hasld fruit in). The staff looked shocked for a minute and then we all just laughed so loudly. It was actually hilarious, but like whaaaattttttttt??? It could be a very long few days while they get him settled.

There's a South African woman here and she was going on about how the staff should be telling him to stop and like, they are, but also he's very ill and not thinking logically. Just shut and get on with your life, leave other people alone.

Tomorrow I'm going to Bw. C's picking me up at 9:30. Yay. Going back to my mum's tonight has made tomorrow feel more important and therefore scarier. I'm expecting it to be shit because then anything else is potentially a nice surprise. I'm genuinely not expecting to like it though.

Had more lorazepam because I was getting very agitated again, and now I'm going to sit and eat Ben and Jerry's birthday cake ice cream (which my mum brought on my birthday instead of an actual cake) in bed and watch a bit more of The Internship. What a life.

I'm interested to see how tomorrow goes without having taken the mirtazapine tonight.

#12.11.19 #day 108 #psych ward #inpatient #mental health #hospital #depression #anxiety #psychosis #suicide #mirtazapine #l #r #k #s #mum

[free-the-me-blog]

I am being TESTED

10:00 P.M.

This is not the best “hey everyone its me!” start, but I honestly do not think I could start like that. I am POSITIVE that every writing post I make will teach you something new about me, or make some piece connect to another piece. 

When I say I feel as if I am being tested...I mean it. This past week for some wild reason, I have almost gotten in over 5 car accidents, quit my job, and more (most likely, my brain is just fried). 

The car accidents...I honestly feel like my brakes are being tested to make sure they still work. Like this past Sunday I was getting off the interstate and the off ramp was backed up and everyone decided to stop last minute. I hit the brakes and jumped so hard that when I flinched, I pulled my key back and it turned my car off. Thank goodness my brakes worked at that moment. Then yesterday I was driving next to a car, and they were turning left and I was in the slow lane. Well a dump truck must have thought that I was going 30 miles per hour under the speed limit because he tried turning before I passed this road he was going on. I slammed on my brakes, and my anti-lock brakes thankfully stopped my car. 

I may be over dramatic, but things like that is why I do not like being in a vehicle. I can NOT imagine what I would have done (or said) if I was not driving. I think my whole body shook for a solid twenty minutes after both situations. 

The test continues with all of my jobs. I technically work..1...2...3...part time jobs and go to school part time. This is probably one of the reasons my brain is fried, but I honestly cant imagine having 1 single job full time. Why you ask, well this has been the norm for me since high school ended. Work, work, work, school. Yes I have multiple jobs..but trust me when I say, that doesn't mean I have lots of money. Haha. 

I wont go into detail yet about the struggle of work. But I will say this...most of what I write or feel..has some connection to work or school. I absolutely can love and adore my job and ask myself “why do I do this?” within an hour time span. It happened today actually. How sad is that. Feeling so great and wonderful...and then it being swallowed like quicksand.

Sometimes...I just want to go back to being a kid. The only thing you worried about was your sibling playing with your toys. 

Until next time...

#depression #anxitey #test #work #school #why am i doing this #why #struggle #tested #over it

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

here you go @baura-bear (i’ve also definitely done these before but i know i’ve changed so)

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

i’m kind of a hoarder so all of them?? but mostly mugs and water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

CHOCOLATE

3. bubblegum or cotton candy

cotton candy slaps

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

very shy but a good learner

5. do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda sounds really unappealing right now so none?

6. pastel, boho, tomboys, preppy, goth, grunge, formal, or sportswear?

a combo of boho tomboy and grunge

7. earbuds or headphones?

earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

i don’t have the patience for either, podcasts are superior

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i walked by this couple yesterday who had ice cream and just... the smell of sugared cream and waffle cones.... delicious

10. game you were best at in pe?

volleyball maybe, but i still wasn’t good at that

11. what do you have for breakfast on an average day?

a granola bar, which sucks bc my first period is choir this year so i won’t be able to eat first period!!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

“oh boy i’m pining for someone”

13. lanyard or keyring?

my keychain is so heavy that wearing a lanyard would slowly break my neck

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

GUMMI BEARS!!!!!!!

15. favorite book you’ve read as a school assignment?

either romeo and juliet, to kill a mockingbird, or and then there were none

16. most comfortable position to sit in

i like legs crossed but i also like just the ideal Leg Bounce position

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my grey converse high tops

18. ideal weather?

like... 60 degrees and mildly cloudy

19. sleeping position?

on my side or occasionally on my stomach

20. preferred place to write?

in a notebook, writing on my laptop gets old after a while

21. obsession from childhood?

MAGIC TREE HOUSE or dolls in general

22. role model?

eva fucking noblezada

23. strange habits?

i like to shake my foot when i see something i like (is this stimming? probably and i kind of like it)

24. favorite crystal

emerald but just bc it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

probably something off of rumors by fleetwood mac

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

i hate warm weather but i like shopping

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather

go to school?? i kind of feel like my outfits are the coolest in winter and that gets me a lot of compliments

28. five songs that describe you?

just pick five random queen songs and it’ll probably be pretty accurate

29. best way to bond with you?

literally just talk to me. i can ramble for hours about shit you probably don’t care about

30. places that you find sacred?

my bedroom and the two giant woods in my hometown 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

basically just blue jeans a flannel and a black tank top. not very cool but i feel nice in it

32. top five favorite vines

all i can think of rn is i’m gonna munch i’m gonna crunch so there’s that (stream revolution lover)

33. most used phrase in your phone?

fdhslfhdjslkfdk or any other keyspam

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

i have adblock lmao

35. average time you fall asleep

like 12:30 now that it’s summer

36. what is the first meme you remember seeing?

ehrmagerd or however you spell it

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag 

38. lemonade or tea

both, including when they’re combined (arnold palmers slap)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school

high school: this past year’s senior prank which did give me a mental breakdown but it was kind of hilarious 

middle school: The Smell

41. last person you texted?

my dad

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

pants, i always feel like shit will fall out of my jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket, or bomber jacket?

hoodie and cardigan, Maximum Coze

44. favorite soap scent?

i kind of like dessert scents

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy, or superhero?

none of them??

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my fav flannel which is very soft and underwear

47. favorite type of cheese?

the one that comes on pizza

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

....... a watermelon? i look pretty appealing from the outside but i’m actually 92% water

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

andre deshields’ three rules to longevity from the tonys :,)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i can’t remember but i’ve definitely peed myself laughing in like... elementary school

51. current stresses?

“am i waiting too long to snap back my crush” and “OH SHIT I HAVEN’T STARTED ANY OF MY ESSAYS”

52. favorite font?

helvetica or comic sans if i’m in the mood

53. what is the current state of your hands?

i last washed them like 30 mins ago, my left hand’s nails are painted black, and my right pointer finger is bleeding

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i haven’t had one yet lol

55. favorite fairy tale?

i have no idea

56. favorite tradition?

i don’t really have any noteworthy ones

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

That Time In October 2017, The Week Of May 6 2019, and The Week Of Mamma Mia Auditions And The Week After (those are the official titles in my brain lmao)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

i have a good fashion sense, people tend to like my art?? i’m good in a choir?? and i guess i’m a bit naturally smart

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

something like “i’m gay”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

some combination of yuri on ice and ouran high school host club

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc?

i particularly like that one dude in hp and the sorcerer’s stone that was described as a toothless walnut

62. seven characters you relate to?

uhh my mind is really drawing a blank rn

63. five songs that would play in your club?

like... a combination of 70′s queen, cousin simple, and memes that’ll make people go buckwild

64. favorite website from your childhoos?

girlsgogames

65. any permanent scars?

(small tw) i have a scar on my left middle finger from when i tried to change razor blades and i just noticed today i have one single self harm scar left on my left leg and nnnnnnnhhhhhhh

66. favorite flowers?

roses and ik ferns don’t count but ferns are v pretty

67. good luck charms?

i have the shittiest luck lmao

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

i’m infamous for never trying new foods

69. a fun fact you don’t know how you learned?

idk, pretty much every fun fact ever?

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

like.... stripes of any kind make me look fatter than i am

72. worst subject

physical science, but it’s all bc of my shitty teacher

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

uhhhh fries and a wendy’s frosty?? or sometimes i squeeze a lemon into my coke

74. at what pain level out of ten do you have to be at before you take a pill?

hahahahahahaha i can’t swallow pills so i suffer

75. when did you lose your first tooth

i have no fuckin clue

76. what’s your favorite potato food?

fries!!!!! good!!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

ferns or cacti

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

neither?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my school id but only bc i don’t have a license yet lmao

80. earth or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies

82. pc or console?

pc?? although all i play on is my laptop which isn’t technically a pc

83. writing or drawing?

neither rn, i’m feeling uninspired

84. podcasts or talk radio?

P O D C A S T S 

85. barbie or polly pocket?

neither, i was a liv doll kid

86. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology but i can also dig some like... brothers grimm shit

87. cookies or cupcakes?

both but it depends on my mood (i could really go for a cookie rn)

88. your greatest fear?

experiencing eternal blackness after death

89. your greatest wish?

move into an apartment with my soulmate and act for a living

90. who would you put before everyone else?

nobody really rn

91. luckiest mistake?

coming out to my parents maybe? although it wasn’t a mistake, i would defo be in a bad place if i was closested at home

92. boxes or bags?

i have no clue

93. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight, or fairy lights?

fairy lights!!

94. nicknames?

none but if any future partners can come up with one for me i will marry them instantly

95. favorite season?

fall or spring

96. favorite app on your phone?

instagram or tik tok (KILL ME)

97. desktop background?

a nice landscape one of my fav artists painted

98. how many phone numbers have you memorized?

just my own lmao

99. favorite historical era?

60′s/70′s (i hate to be that bitch but that’s when music was at its peak)