#i wish i could get a clearer picture but this scene is moving all the time ughh

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x08

In which Richelieu almost gets his husband killed 

We start with Labarge (spl?) being escorted through the streets of Paris by musketeers. He is played by that guy who always plays violent brutes with few if any lines of dialogue. 

Red guards show up and demand that the prisoner is handed over to them. Then Labarge beats the crap out of them until the musketeers intervene. Not before a red guard is killed thou. By another red guard attempting to strike at Labarge.

The dead man is called Captain Trudeau. And the red guard who killed him blames the musketeers. 

Now they’re fighting each other! Male egos... 

Treville says Trudeau was given fair warning and it’s his own fault he’s dead. Kind of harsh. Richelieu retorts that Treville had no business arresting a regional intendant without coming to him first. I’m really struggling to see Labarge in the role of regional intendant, but I guess that’s the point. Treville shoots back that he’s a violent criminal who subjected Gascony to a reign of terror. And Richelieu says that the man exceeded his authority and he was in the process of calling him back before the musketeers intervened. I know I’m supposed to take the musketeers side here, but I really see no reason to doubt Richelieu.

Treville is mad and says any of his musketeers could defeat any of the red guards and Louis immediately makes a bet! So there we are, that’s the plot sorted out. I love their bickering thou xD

Richelieu looks so panicked, poor dear! He knows he doesn’t stand a chance but he can’t afford to back down. 

Constance and D’artagnan are being cute and domestic!

D’artagnan apologizes for the rent being overdue. Nice reference to the books! But in the books he doesn’t apologize, he is quite insulted that some commoner would even dare to bother him with such trivialities. Much more realistic to a noble of the era, but I guess not something a modern audience would sympathise with. 

Here Bonacieux actually tells him off thou and that’s too far in the other direction, kind of takes me out of the story. 

Treville is so excited about this contest! Bless!

The entry fee is 30 livres and our boys haven’t got it. It’s time to go womanizing! In the church. 

Aramis knows all the women there, of course. 

“It’s a requiem mass not a party at Madame Angel’s” - and then they cross themselves lol. 

Labarge has destroyed D’artagnan’s farm “as a warning to other local landowners” because Dart’s father was “greatly respected”. But Dart had done nothing to him and his father is long dead? I don’t get this. 

Porthos can’t lie for shit and Alice helps him out cause she fancies him! That’s cute!

Alice has put on a colourful dress and her maid is judging her. 

Porthos says it must be great for her to have all of her husband’s things to remember him by and I thought he was talking of his own lack of things to remember his mother by but Alice responded by giving him her husband’s solid gold candle snuffer! So was he fishing for that the whole time? It really comes across more like he wasn’t but then took the opportunity. 

D’artagnan proclaims he is ready and Athos just smiles. And proceeds to provoke him with tales of Labarge being comfortable in the Bastille with his “every whim attended to”. But we had a scene before of Labarge being fed disgusting prison food and talked down to by a guard, so not true lol.

Doesn’t stop D’art from barging into Richelieu’s office screaming thou.

Richelieu offers him patronage and D’art turns it down. This episode almost feels like the book.

“As a citizen of France I demand my rights” - you are a subject of the King. Shut up.

Milady overheard the whole thing!

“Your fascination with these musketeers seems inexhaustible.” - lol Armand, look who’s talking!  

Milady: “I do everything for you.” Richelieu: “Permit me to doubt that.” - but in the last episode you trusted her to manage the Ninon thing even in the event of your death?

“There was a time I found your independence of spirit arousing. I must warn you, Milady, that time is now past.” - this line is gross and unnecessary. But also, what did she do between last episode and this one to change his opinion like that? I guess the writers just needed him to discard her for plot reasons, but it could have been better written.

Red guards arrest a protesting Bonacieux! This really is the book episode!

Bonacieux: “You want me to spy on him [D’art]?” Richelieu: “I can see you are a man of quick intelligence.”

Why is his office so huge and empty thou, with one little desk in it?

D’artagnan... steals a red guard uniform. And breaks into the Bastille. Wow, okay, totally forgot about that bit. 

And he does the whole “my name is D’artagnan of Lupiac in Gascony” thing again. And tries to force a confession out of Labarge.

And Labarge would have killed him if Athos had not shown up.

Athos: “What did I tell you about thinking before you act!” D’artagnan: “I can’t help it, I’m not like you!” Athos: “You are, more than you know.” - oh, you mean you also didn’t think before you strung up your wife from a tree? Yeah, i see that.

A milathos scene! Athos says he won’t attack a defenceless woman and Milady laughs as though at the idea that she is defenceless, but it breaks my heart cause dude, you very much did do just that.

“I have to make a living somehow, what better patron could I have?” Milady says of Richelieu and she is right!

“I’m a soldier, just like you.” - YES! SHE IS!

She tries to come on to him for casual sex and he rejects her. With difficulty, but still :(( 

She gives him “fair warning” to stay away from her.

Papa Treville looks so proud looking at Athos and D’art training!

Richelieu tells Labarge that he “overstepped his limits” and “ruled Gascony like a petty tyrant”. Lebarge says he just gave people the needed encouragement to pay their taxes and Richelieu replies: “Perhaps if more of the taxes you collected had reached the treasury, I’d be inclined to overlook your excesses.” LOL!

Constance sells her stuff to get D’art the money. And then Milady gives it to him before she can. And D’art doesn’t decline even thou all he knows of her is that she left him to take the the blame for her murder and lied about Ninon. He literally doesn’t give a fuck as long as he can enter this fight! 

Milady looks so pretty in this scene thou!

Porthos and Alice are getting on very well!

So Milady gave D’art some pendant with a flower on it together with the money as a “token of friendship” and now Bonacieux has nicked it.

D’art: “I found a patron of my own.” Aramis: “Wealthy widow?” D’art: “Not as far as I know.” - so like, with Milady telling her that her lover tried to kill her and Athos’s dead wife coming back from the dead to kill him and Athos clearly recognising the woman at Ninon’s trial, D’art still hasn’t had the penny drop? Or he has and just doesn’t want to tell Athos that he’s taking his wife’s money?

Aramis is the best shot, Porthos is the best at hand to hand combat and D’art does pretty well with the sword, but we don’t see Athos try that.

And Richelieu has commissioned Labarge! xD

Who beats the crap out of his other men. That can’t be good for morale! Like for real, what must the red guards be thinking? Richelieu has made a criminal who killed their captain the new captain! And mocks them publicly for not being as good as him in a fight! 

The pendant is also now in Richelieu’s hands.

Treville was spying on Richelieu! 

Bonacieux bought Constance a bracelet to celebrate his good luck of getting a contract. See, I love when the antagonists are not complete monsters and get human moments like this!

“Becoming a musketeer was the best thing that ever happened to me... until I met you.” - Oh Porthos! That was smooth! 

And Alice offers to support him if he leaves the musketeers.

D’art is looking for his pendant and doesn’t tell Constance about it when she asks if he’s lost something. He knows he’s doing wrong but the glory is beckoning so he can’t help it.

Constance runs after him to give him a goodbye kiss and Bonacieux sees them. That’s what you get for flaunting your affair in the open street. I mean, even if he hadn’t been there, these other people are all her neighbours, who would gossip.

Treville nominates himself and the musketeers are like “this is bullshit”. I don’t blame them. But Papa is just trying to protect them and he knows he’ll get their resentment as a reward! So sad! 

“Was your life so bad, Constance? Was I ever cruel to you, did I beat you?” - this is good writing. It would have been so boring if they had made him into a physically abusive brute. 

Threatening her with killing D’art isn’t cool thou!

Athos accuses Treville of having a midlife crisis and wanting “one last moment of glory”. And when he leaves, Treville just rubs his face and he looks so tired! 

And Constance breaks up with D’art! Meaning he loses the fight and her on the same day, I do feel bad for him.

Constance is right to point out that she has a lot more to lose here thou! 

Treville’s plain brown tunic looks really bad without the cape over it. But the tunic he’s looking at in preparation for the fight looks better at least.

There are only two little stands of courtiers, but it could be worse. 

“You only needed 30 livre, not a wife” - Aramis, you gentleman. 

Treville’s fighting outfit looks good, I was right. But he is getting his ass kicked. What must Richelieu be thinking! I don’t think he knew Treville would be the one to face Labarge. 

I went back to check and we don’t get his reaction to Treville’s name. But when Labarge is announced he doesn’t look particularly happy.

He also looks very distracted when the King addresses him during the fight.

Treville stops to grin at the King while Labarge is getting his breath back and Labarge attacks when his guard is down. He’s done for!

D’art steps in and in 30 seconds flat it becomes an all out brawl between the musketeers and red guards. 

Louis says that Labarge broke the rules and Treville may nominate a champion. So D’art gets his turn to shine. But what rules? Attacking when Treville was not looking? Stepping on Treville’s shoulder with his foot? I guess Louis can make up the rules as he goes along lol xD

I feel sorry for poor Treville, being utterly humiliated! 

And Labarge shouts that he did burn D’art’s farm down right in the middle of the fight. A confession in front of the King. He’d be dead even if he won!

D’art kills him and Louis declares the musketeers the winners. And takes the prize money for himself because “rules were broken and we do need to collect our taxes somehow.” 

“I admire loyalty, more than any other virtue” - that’s true I think? I think it holds up during the show, but I’m not a Louis expert lol.

At least he makes D’art a musketeer finally! And D’arts teary face and all the hugging is quite moving.

Milady in her pretty red dress gets told off by the cardinal. I love how he says “comtesse de la fere”, but he does ask an important question. Why did she give D’art money to compete? Because Richelieu threatened her at the beginning of the episode and she was looking for a new prospect? She tells him she wants to bring him over to “their side” but that doesn’t square with giving him money to win his musketeer commission lol. Well, Armand, that’s what you get for threatening your employees I guess.  

And Alice and Porthos break up because she can’t handle that much excitement and he can’t give up soldiering. 

Porthos and Aramis share a cute moment.

D’art moves out with some poisonous words for Constance. I can’t really blame him in the heath of the moment, but if memory serves he never really apologised while she did. 

And Constance sees him with Milady! And closes the curtain before she can see him tuning her down! Poor Constance!

And poor Milady! Her position with the Cardinal depends on this and he doesn’t give a fuck now he’s a musketeer. 

Overall this was a very good episode. Such a relief after last time. Next up, the stupid assassination attempt on the Queen. Oh joy!

Red guards killed: Captain Trudeau

Women killed: none! yay!

Best dressed: Milady and Richelieu! Look, they match!

#i wish i could get a clearer picture but this scene is moving all the time ughh #the musketeers #milady de winter #cardinal richelieu #trevilieu #captain treville #porthos #musketeers rewatch

[makeste]

but I just feel too tired to be fighting

this is a follow-up post to what I said in my recap the other day about this arc being the Deku Angst arc, as opposed to the Villain Hunt arc or the Deku SIXQUIRKS Exhibition arc. I feel like the fandom discussion tends to focus on the flashier parts of the chapters -- the sexy villains and the new quirk reveals and the Shindous -- each week, and so the quieter emotional beats sometimes get overlooked, especially since the character arc here is playing out in little bits and pieces over time rather than all at once.

this has always been a very reactionary fandom, and there’s a tendency to judge the chapters week to week without ever going back to look at how they all fit into the big picture. so I figured I would try to attempt that, and basically go chapter by chapter here to look at what exactly Horikoshi is setting up and how it all fits together.

so let’s start with the end of chapter 306, which is when the arc officially kicks off. specifically with the very last page:

this is imo one of the best pages Horikoshi has ever drawn. I got the sense that this was a scene he’d had in his mind’s eye for quite a long time, and that he was excited to finally get to this part of the story. it’s extremely effective as both a chapter-ender, and an arc-opener. like, look at this:

it establishes the initial premise of the new arc -- the world is in chaos, and Deku is now seemingly on his own

it leaves the readers with a number of questions. why did Deku leave U.A.?? is he really on his own now?? why does he look so beat-up and exhausted?? what is he up to?? what is the world like now that all these villains have been unleashed and the heroes have been decimated?? and most importantly of all, what the fuck is going to happen next??

it pays homage to some of Horikoshi’s comic book influences -- Batman in particular

it dramatically hits us with that “THE FINAL ACT BEGINS” and lets us know that shit is getting real now

that’s some good shit. so much so that I think people tended to overlook the other notable thing about this page amidst all of the initial excitement and discussion and speculation about where the series was headed. and that is the fact that the final panel in this chapter is NOT the panel of Deku standing above the city. the very last panel, the one that this chapter actually ends on, is instead the close-up of Deku’s face. his face, which is covered in shadow; and his eyes, which have dark circles under them and are prominently missing the usual flecks of light that give him his signature “sunny optimistic shounen protagonist” look.

not to mention this last line here, which is a call back to the very first time we saw the 14-year-old Deku way back in chapter one.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Horikoshi chose to throw this reference in. nor is it a coincidence that THIS is the scene he actually chose to end the chapter on. what this does is show us the drastic shift in Deku’s emotional state of mind, and his attitude towards being a hero. he’s gone from being thrilled and excited to being jaded and exhausted. he’s matured, but at a great cost. it’s always been his dream to be a hero, but “be careful what you wish for” is a popular adage for a reason. and right now he looks the furthest thing from happy.

and this is the emotional beat that Horikoshi chooses to end the chapter on. this is the panel that closes out the War arc, and begins the final act. to me the message could not be clearer -- this arc will be about the exploration of Deku’s character, and his struggle as he tries to live up to the expectations that have been placed on him as the Last Holder of OFA and quite possibly the World’s Only Hope.

it’s a character arc that builds on a lot of the things we’ve already learned about Deku over the course of the series, such as the fact that he is reckless, and that he focuses on others often at the expense of himself. but more importantly, it’s an arc that finally expands on the dark side of what has up until now been a net positive for Deku -- the power of OFA. up until this point, despite its ups and downs, it’s been a boon for Deku overall and has allowed him to pursue his dream. but now we’re finally reaching the point where the monkey’s paw part of the OFA blessing/curse finally starts to come into play. OFA gives Deku more power than he could have ever dreamed of, but it also comes with a built-in destiny that he can’t opt out of whether he likes it or not. AFO is on the loose and out there trying to destroy the world. and now everyone has pinned their hopes on this sixteen-year-old kid, and the question of whether or not the sixteen-year-old kid is ready is apparently not one that anyone feels inclined to ask (possibly because they’re afraid that the answer might be “no”).

he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. he has to do it, because there’s no one else who can. that’s the kind of pressure that is on Deku now.

and on that note, we begin the Deku Angst arc.

chapter 307

this in hindsight was mostly just a set-up chapter to better establish the current state of the BnHA world at large (spoilers: it’s not good), while also providing an answer for one of the big initial questions of the arc -- namely, “what happened to all of those villains that AFO released from Tartarus?” these are important things to touch on, but the pacing could definitely have been better, and the bulk of the chapter was dedicated to providing fanservice to all of the Shindou fans who spammed the most recent popularity poll (which, whatever lol). anyway, so this was the sole chapter thus far with absolutely no Deku development. thankfully the arc picks up from there.

chapter 308

on to the next one! this was the one and only chapter thus far which I think actually qualifies as an “exhibition fight.” this was definitely all about showing off Deku’s current powerset, as well as introducing us to another of the SIXQUIRKS. however, there was Deku development here as well, most notably in this scene:

this is the scene that got a lot of people speculating that this arc was going to focus on Deku hunting down all of the old villains. but I think people got so caught up in that speculation that they overlooked what this scene tells us about Deku’s mindset. and yes, there is new information being revealed here, and it’s not just a rehash of the stuff we already knew. like yes, we know that Deku was shaken up by the recent encounters with Dabi and Tomura, and we know that made him start questioning why villains become villains in the first place, and all that good stuff, and that’s great. however, there are two additional important things that this scene helps establish for us.

the upcoming battle with TomurAFO is weighing heavily on Deku’s mind. this is something that will become a recurring theme in this arc. Deku is thinking about this constantly. the question of what to do when he finally encounters TomurAFO again is knocking incessantly at the back of his mind, and this won’t be the last time it comes up.

Deku is using these villain encounters as test runs. can Tomura be redeemed?? is he just being stupid and naïve?? or is this really something worth attempting?? the interesting thing about this is that Deku’s resolve to save people is usually so strong and unwavering that it’s more than enough to overcome any doubts that he might have. but this time it seems like the repeated objections posed by the Vestiges and Gran Torino have really gotten to him. it’s possible I’m just reading way too much into things, but to me it really feels like Deku’s recent attempts at Talk no Jutsu were meant to do more than just show his growing awareness that the line between heroes and villains is thinner than he once imagined. they’re also serving as trial runs for the real test, when it finally comes. if he can “save” even a villain like Muscular, there’s hope for him being able to save Tomura as well. and so that moment when Muscular rejects him out of hand is all the more disappointing to him, even if it wasn’t really unexpected. basically it wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for.

aside from those little notes though, like I said, this was unquestionably an exhibition fight first and foremost. which is fine; we needed to establish where Deku is currently in terms of strength, and it was also just fun to see him kick some ass, ngl. in terms of story purpose this chapter was similar to 219, which showed us how Shouto and Katsuki had powered up after getting their provisional licenses. people who don’t care about those characters might argue that these fights weren’t necessary, but as someone who stans all three characters hard, I would disagree! but anyways, moving on.

chapter 309

in contrast to the previous chapter, this chapter focuses more on establishing Deku’s current mental state, as opposed to his physical state. and this is what we learn:

(1) Deku is ~technically~ being shadowed/accompanied by All Might and the Hawksquad (but in practice he’s avoiding them).

(2) it was Deku’s own decision to leave U.A., and he did it because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt in order to protect him.

and finally, (3) Deku’s game plan is to stop Tomura and All for One before they reach full power.

this last part is very important, because it means there’s a countdown in effect. as far as Deku is concerned, there’s only a finite amount of time before TomurAFO becomes unstoppable. which means that he’s not only under “gotta get stronger” pressure, but time pressure as well. he doesn’t have the luxury of taking his time and training in safety. he’s being rushed now; this is do-or-die.

this chapter is also the first in this arc in which we get to see Deku’s expressions without the hood covering up his face, and what we see is very telling. as previously stated, the light is gone from Deku’s eyes. he keeps his expressions very neutral, and the only time we even see a hint of a smile is when he hugs his mom in the flashback, and it’s clear from the dialogue (“it’s okay, I’ll come home to you”) that he’s doing it for her sake in order to comfort her.

but aside from that, this is very much not the Deku we’ve grown accustomed to. this is the chapter that really establishes his current mental state imo. above all else, he’s afraid that more people will get hurt because of him, and so he’s distancing himself from everyone around him. and he’s also morbidly preoccupied with the inevitability of having to face TomurAFO again, and soon. the chapter ends on the flashback of Gran giving him his cape, and telling Deku that “killing can be another way to save someone.” there’s a lot on this kid’s mind, to say the least.

chapter 310

this chapter opens with a gang of civilians who are trying to open fire on a nice fox lady whose only crime was walking around in the rain at night. Deku intervenes to save her, and it’s the first time in this arc that we see anything close to the “old” Deku, who just wanted to save people with a smile.

but it’s bittersweet, because all the lady can talk about is how scared she was, and how horrible everything is right now. and so Deku, who feels responsible in a lot of ways for everything that’s happened, just feels that much more pressure to somehow make things right again.

there’s also this extra throwaway line which is especially heartbreaking:

“I can’t afford to be around anyone.” fucking ouch. just reinforcing once more how incredibly isolated Deku is right now -- not by choice, but because he feels like it’s not safe to let anyone else get close to him. and so he’s out here running around this dystopian cityscape in the middle of the night in the pouring rain all on his own, and neglecting himself to the point where All Might practically has to force a bento on him.

but does he complain? of course not. because his focus is never on himself. instead, when he settles down to eat, his thoughts immediately drift back to, guess who...

it’s that time pressure once again. “unless I draw out One for All’s full power, I can’t stop any of this.” it’s just nonstop, I have to get stronger, I’m running out of time, I have to do better, and constantly thinking about that inevitable confrontation.

Deku is a thinker, you guys. and when left to his own devices he will overthink, every time. his mind will run in endless loops while he mentally works his way through all of the possibilities. and that’s one of his greatest strengths, don’t get me wrong, but at a time like this it’s also one of his greatest weaknesses. it’s just so fucking easy for him to get stuck in his own head, in his endless rambling thoughts and analyses. and without anyone else there to help distract him, or help him focus, he’s become fixated on his mission, and it’s slowly consuming him.

this, incidentally, is also the chapter in which we finally see Two and Three’s faces, and learn why Two in particular is so reluctant to lend his power to Deku. he appears to be the lone holdout at this point, so stay tuned on that, because I don’t doubt this will wind up being crucial to Deku’s future development, however it winds up playing out.

chapter 311

this chapter flips back to the Hawksquad for the first half, so we get a brief respite from the ongoing Dekuangst. right before we switch back though, we do get confirmation of something we had pretty much already guessed:

like, that much was already apparent based on what we’d seen (the bags under his eyes; the fact that he refused to sit still in any one place for very long even at night), but it’s always nice to get the official confirmation so that people can’t dispute it lol. so yeah, Deku isn’t sleeping much. and not eating much either, if all he’s getting is the occasional bento from Dadmight. so basically not taking care of himself at all, huge shocker there. but this is something that’s important enough to the story that Horikoshi took the time to point it out in the dialogue, in addition to all of the visual clues we’d already gotten.

and just in case we needed to drive that point in any further, this chapter ends with the appearance of Lady Nagant! like yeah, no shit Deku isn’t getting much sleep, what with him having to fend off racist civilians and hired assassins every five fucking minutes. smdh. can he live??

chapter 312

so this is the chapter that properly introduces Lady Nagant, who maaaay or may not be one of the primary antagonists of this arc?? like, it’s really unclear right now tbh, but she gets hyped up by Hawks and AFO, and has a flashback and a mysterious past and a weird trump card (where did you go, Overhaul) and all that good shit, so yeah? one can hope at any rate.

but anyway. so to his credit, Deku’s first thought is to retreat, but he quickly abandons that plan once he figures out Nagant’s location. this is played off like a logical strategic decision at first, but the subsequent chapter quickly makes it clear that Deku’s decision to take the fight to Nagant is less rational than he might have you think.

chapter 313

so yeah. last but not least, the most recent chapter, in which Deku’s real reason for targeting Lady soon becomes apparent:

what’s more, it quickly becomes clear that he miscalculated and probably would have been better off following Hawks’s advice, seeing as he promptly gets himself shot, and subsequently realizes that AFO gave Nagant an extra quirk, something he hadn’t taken into account. but instead of cutting his losses and running at this point, he doubles down instead and not only breaks out Smokescreen, but also the Third’s quirk which he has never even used before.

it’s worth noting that both En and the Third start telling him to chill at this point, and warn him that what he’s attempting is too dangerous. but tbh if they were expecting him to listen, they haven’t been reading the same arc I’ve been reading. once again, Horikoshi makes it clear that Deku has one thing and one thing only on his mind right now.

of course. once again it all comes back to this. hunt down AFO. it doesn’t matter that he’s exhausted. it doesn’t matter that he’s just been shot twice. it doesn’t matter that Hawks, despite knowing what Deku was capable of with his OFA abilities, specifically warned him away from this one person only. it doesn’t matter that even the Vestiges are trying to tell him you’re going too fast and you’re trying to do too much and it’s too dangerous.

he just doesn’t care. long story short, the only thing that matters to Deku right now is tracking down and defeating TomurAFO. and as the person who knows him best once so aptly put it, “he doesn’t take himself into account.” and therein lies the major challenge of this arc.

and so this is where we’re currently at now. and this has been a very long post, but if nothing else, I hope I was able to get this one point across: there is absolutely no way that Deku will be able to defeat TomurAFO as he is now. not a chance in hell. somehow he’s managed the uncommon feat of waging a war of attrition against himself, which is really quite an accomplishment. he’s not taking care of himself, and he’s refusing to listen to sound advice from the people surrounding him, and is trying to skip ahead to the final boss battle before he’s ready, because the guilt and pressure from feeling responsible for the current situation are eating him up. the only way that the world can go back to normal is if he can defeat AFO; therefore he has to do it as soon as possible, because time is running out and everyone is counting on him. this is who Deku is. and this is what inevitably happens when his saving mentality is taken to extremes, and left unchecked.

anyway so to wrap up this post now, I do think this arc is a lot more cohesive than it’s gotten credit for thus far, and Deku is the glue holding it all together. I for one am loving the exploration of his character and all the subtle little angsty touches as we build up to the big moment, whenever it finally comes. just keep in mind though that if his decisions right now seem reckless and short-sighted, it’s because they’re supposed to seem that way, because Deku is not in a good mental state right now. the cracks are finally showing in our perfect protagonist, just like everyone has been wanting this whole time. he is just a kid. he is doing his best. he is trying far too hard to do his best, and it is hurting him so badly, but he doesn’t even realize. this arc is not an endorsement of the Angsty Nomad Hero lifestyle, lol. it’s the exact fucking opposite, and I think it’s being wildly misinterpreted with all of the emphasis on “oh look at that, he mastered another quirk with no effort”, as opposed to “oh look at that, he is shutting down emotionally and is a few more missed nights of sleep away from a complete and total breakdown.”

tl;dr the overarching storyline of this arc is all about Deku slowly falling apart due to his trauma from Jakku, and the subsequent pressure that was put on him by the Vestiges with their whole “GUESS WHAT, YOU’RE THE LAST USER OF OFA, THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S ALL ON YOU BUDDY” pep talk. and mark my words, things are not going to go according to plan. something is going to go terribly wrong here. whether it’s something happening to All Might, or AFO setting up a trap for him, either way Deku is being set up to fail in a major way. unless of course, someone (or a group of someones) manages to intervene first, and possibly stage an intervention or something. it’s what he needs right now, but idk if Horikoshi is going to make it that easy.

anyway, but in other words, the point of this arc is not to show how much stronger Deku has gotten and how he doesn’t even need his friends anymore. it’s the exact opposite -- the point of this arc is to show that Deku needs his friends now more than ever. that in spite of OFA and all of its mystical trappings and fancy SIXQUIRKS, Deku can’t do this alone. he needs his friends. that’s the core message. and right now, we are at the “I can get by on my own” part of the story. and the part we are all waiting for, but which is coming -- I guarantee it is coming, you guys -- is “the thing is, you don’t have to.”

and that shit is going to slap hard you guys. and I for one can’t wait. but until then, enjoy the angst.

#bnha 313 #midoriya izuku #bnha meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #long post #like 'long' is really an understatement here lol #our little green protagonist is really going through it you guys #and I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it

[hxwks-gf]

ㅡ ғɪʀsᴛ ғʟɪɢʜᴛ

ᴅᴀᴅ!ʜᴀᴡᴋs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ 

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: ᴅᴏᴍᴇsᴛɪᴄ ғʟᴜғғ 

ᴀ/ɴ: ᴀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ's ғɪʀsᴛ sᴛᴇᴘs...ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴛᴡɪsᴛ 

Keigo was in love with you. 

He had always been in love with you, ever since the first day he laid those golden eyes on you. From that day forward, he knew that he would always be head-over-heels in love with every single thing about you. As each day went by, he wasn’t sure if it was possible to love you even more than he already did, but with each day you continued to prove him wrong. He would never love anyone else the way he loved you. 

That is, until the little one came along a few years after he married you, and he found himself proven wrong yet again. He discovered that he couldn’t have been more wrong about the boundaries his love stretched. 

“Kei, honey, don’t let him get that close to the stove,” you chided from the living room, keeping a watchful eye on your child. 

Your husband chuckled from the sink, where he was washing leftover dishes as dinner simmered beside him. He dried his hands on a rag and gently guided Tsuyoi’s grabby hands away from the hot stove. Keigo picked him up and lifted him in the air, resulting in the child’s bubbling laughter echoing throughout the kitchen. 

Your heart swelled as you watched them from the couch, watched the way Keigo’s eyes lit up with pure happiness every time he held his son, the way his lips curved into a beautiful smile every time he heard Tsuyoi’s laughter. You set down the book you were reading and joined them in the kitchen, wrapping one arm around Keigo’s waist and the other underneath Tsuyoi, squeezing them tightly. 

“I love you both so much,” Keigo murmured, looking at you with half-lidded eyes. “I always dreamed of starting a family, and it’s still so surreal to me that I’m living that dream now. I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self that it would all be worth itㅡthat I just have to wait a little longer.” 

You hummed in thought, sneaking a kiss to Tsuyoi’s chubby cheek. “He looks like you.” 

“It’s not just the wings, right?” 

“No,” you laughed, taking Tsuyoi from Keigo and balancing him on your hip. The child giggled and softly patted your cheeks, drool spilling over his little chin. You reached up and tried to tame the mess of blonde curls that sat atop his head, the strands that never seemed to lay completely flat reminding you so strongly of Keigo. The hair, the nose, and of courseㅡthe little red wings that had sprouted from his back. “He has your messy mop of hair, too.” 

“He has your eyes,” Keigo murmured, stepping closer. He reached out and tenderly placed his palm atop Tsuyoi’s head, thumb caressing his forehead. “I can’t believe how lucky I am.” 

You leaned forward and placed a kiss to Keigo’s cheek. “We’re all lucky.” Tsuyoi pushed his tiny hands in between your faces with a string of toddler gibberish, earning more laughter from you and Keigo. 

“Can you take him so I can finish dinner?” you asked. 

“Of course, lovebird,” Keigo grinned, hefting Tsuyoi out of your arms. “We’ll be over in the living room, alright?” 

“Alrightㅡbut be careful, okay? We don’t want a repeat of the sofa incident.” 

Keigo chuckled sheepishly and balanced Tsuyoi on his shoulders. “I know, I knowㅡthat was my fault.” 

You blew them a kiss and turned towards the stove, giving the stew in the pot a few stirs. As you cooked, you listened to their laughter from the other room, and you felt tears brimming in your eyesㅡnot tears of sorrow, but tears of pure happiness. You had always questioned your place in this world, where you were meant to be, or what you were supposed to be doingㅡall of that faded away the moment you met Keigo, and it only became clearer when Tsuyoi came into the picture. Your life was worth living for them. 

“Oh shitㅡ” Keigo’s surprised shout sounded from the living room, interrupting your thoughts. “[Y/N], get in hereㅡquick!” 

You hastily wiped your eyes and dropped the wooden spoon you had been using. You charged into the living room, prepared to see the aftermath of yet another unfortunate accident. But the scene in front of you made you stop dead in your tracks. 

Tsuyoi was flying. 

“He just started doing it!” Keigo was hovering nearby, clapping his hands excitedly. “I promise, I had nothing to do with it this time.” 

Your mouth had dropped open in shock as you watched them floating together in midair. Tsuyoi was giggling maniacally, stretching out his pudgy arms and flapping his little wings with all the strength he could muster. Keigo reached out his hands to him, and Tsuyoi managed to fly across the room and into his father’s open arms. Keigo gently landed on the floor and held Tsuyoi up high with a proud grin splitting across his face. 

“You did so good!” he exclaimed, bouncing the toddler in his hands. “You wanna do it again? You wanna fly over there, across the room?” 

“Over here, Tsuyoi!” you called, opening your arms. His eyes lit up and he flapped his little wings again. He struggled for a moment, but quickly righted himself and awkwardly flew from Keigo’s hands and into your waiting embrace. With an excited laugh, you hugged him tightly to your chest and peppered his cheeks with kisses. “Oh, you did amazing! Pretty soon you’ll be flying just like your daddy!” 

“I wasn’t expecting him to pick it up that quickly,” Keigo remarked, joining you. He wrapped an arm around your waist and ruffled Tsuyoi’s hair. “Might cause some trouble down the road.” 

“Hey, blame it on your Quirk,” you teased, shifting Tsuyoi onto your hip. “One day you’ll be the one to teach him how to really fly.” 

Keigo smiled and tightened his grip around your waist. “Easy.” 

The three of you stood there together for a little while longer, cooing at Tsuyoi. Keigo kissed the toddler on the top of the head and then pressed to your temple before breaking away and heading into the kitchen. 

“Ready to eat?” you asked Tsuyoi, who responded by making eating motions with his tiny hands.  You chuckled and followed Keigo into the kitchen, where he was ladling out stew for the three of you. You placed Tsu into his high chair and moved to wrap your arms around Keigo’s waist from behind, feeling him pause in his ladling. 

“What is it, lovebird?” he murmured. 

“Nothing,” you mumbled into his shirt. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

#AASJFJKAHFKSJHGKSJHGSHDKGSHGS #WTFFFFFF #this fulfilled all of my dad!hawks fantasies i've been having #anyways #hawks #keigo takami #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #hawks x you #domestic hawks #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami x y/n #keigo takami x you #keigo takami fanfiction #domestic keigo #boku no hero academia #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia #mha fanfiction #hawks imagine #keigo takami imagine #domestic fluff

[logicalbookthief]

Things Left Unsaid -- An Analysis of Rei & Touya

Apparently Rei has been getting a lot of flack lately, all of it undeserved, and since I had a post analyzing her relationship with Touya in the works already, I figured no time like the present.

Disclaimer #1: There are a lot of issues with the writing for Rei’s character that have nothing to do with her and everything to do with how the storyline is using her, which I will address and examine.

Disclaimer #2: I’m someone who, while always curious as to what kind of relationship Rei had with her oldest son before he died, never thought it would be revealed that Touya was close to his mom. I don’t think you get the Dabi we see in Chapters 290-295 without him being so warped by his relationship with his father yet so dependent on his attention that he was willing to kill his brother and himself simply for his father’s acknowledgement.

But that’s what I find so interesting about Rei and Touya -- it’s a relationship that mainly consists of regrets and things left unsaid. There isn’t the anger or resentment Dabi feels for Endeavor, because that intense level of emotion sprung from the loss of the father who used to be his whole world. His feelings toward his mother seem more amicable, but also more distant.

And while she could’ve done some things differently in regards to her oldest, I want to make it clear that the distance between them was very much by design.

After all, Touya was the end goal of their marriage. It was never any secret as to why Enji wanted to marry her and to some extent Rei must’ve realized that this child was not meant to be hers: the child was the transaction, the thing she was needed to create, to give to her husband. Of course she loved Touya and was likely his primary caregiver for most of his life, but there was no doubt that once his quirk manifested and he could begin his hero training, his life would be dominated by his father. Which is what happened.

Here, I would like to point out something I noticed in the flashback chapters. We never see any panels of Enji alone with any of his children during their infancy -- even with Shouto, the perfect child he longed for, we see Rei holding Shouto, sitting by him as he sleeps. Enji is there tangentially. Once Shouto begins his training, that is when we see him with his father.

So to see Enji with Touya when he was a baby, prior to his quirk manifesting, strikes me as a big deal. But it makes sense if you remember that he’d placed all his hopes, dreams and expectations on his firstborn. Initially, it doesn’t look like he even considered the possibility that Touya wouldn’t be his successor or that his little eugenics experiment would fail; this was his first, most optimistic attempt at a masterpiece. So I don’t believe it’s far-fetched to see him spend more time with Touya right off the bat (it’s what will make the eventual abandonment all the more crushing).

However, Rei isn’t seen at all in the snippet of Touya’s infancy, despite us knowing she was relegated to the caregiver role. Rei is literally out of the picture. Compare this to how she features prominently in Shouto’s infancy or how we see her holding a baby Natsuo. You could argue that, hey, we don’t see her holding a baby Fuyumi either, but there’s other scenes where Fuyumi’s attached to her mother’s hip or crying over her being hurt. Things that suggest a closeness, when the only scene we get of just her and Touya is one where they’re at odds. 

As we move further into Touya’s childhood, though, Rei becomes the only voice we hear advocate for him against his father. I’m referencing two specific instances:

When Enji coerces her into having more children to replace Touya now that his father has deemed him a failure, something she knows will hurt their son deeply.

And after Touya lashes out at Shouto, which Rei doesn’t blame on Touya, but rather on his father. She delivers such a satisfying condemnation of his actions, probably the most cutting one Endvr’s received to date, and it so accurately sums up one of his major character flaws.

How can you call yourself a hero when you can’t even face your own son?

The tragedy of it all is that Rei never said any of this in front of Touya -- it was always said in private, just to her husband. That alone took courage, yes, but it would’ve meant everything to Touya to hear her condemn his father aloud. Instead when she does speak to him, she says this:

It’s why I can’t wrap my head around that scene in Ch 302, where after Enji admits he didn’t know what to say to Touya, Rei replies, “Neither did I.” 

When we’re shown in flashbacks during that same chapter that she did understand her son. “He just wants to be acknowledged by you” is quite the indication that she, at the very least, understood the cause of Touya’s turmoil even if she couldn’t fully relate to it herself. So why can’t she say any of this to him?

The answer is in the way she addresses Touya, as it is nearly identical to how Nao addresses Tenko in this scene:

Both Touya and Tenko grew up in similar households: the father had all the power, physical and financial, so the mothers were left to try and comfort their children in a way that didn’t go against their husbands’ desires -- and so, to use Tenko’s own words, they would “reject them with kindness.”

So it’s no wonder that Touya lashes out at his mother after she suggests he pursue other things. He isn’t five like Tenko was, he’s thirteen and has a much clearer understanding of why she says this and why it’s a bit hypocritical, since he’s aware of her situation, too.

Just as she was bound by her family, who wanted her to marry Endvr for the money and status, he’s bound by the expectations of his family. I’m not sure if I’ve seen anyone else touch on this detail, but when Touya states that he knows his grandparents sold his mom into marriage so his dad could have a child, we could infer that Touya knows enough to realize that his mother might not have necessarily wanted him.

Not him specifically, but any child — the story has neglected to flesh her out beyond her marriage and motherhood, so we have no idea if Rei wanted to become a mother prior to this arrangement, despite how much she loves her kids now — although it is possible that he might’ve internalized it this way.

So you have Touya, who at least knows with certainty that his father wanted him to exist, yet he comes to understand that his father only wants him if he can meet a specific set of expectations, and if he cannot, he’ll be discarded. If he can’t surpass All Might, he can’t fulfill his reason for existing and his father will have to replace him. So to have his mother urge him to follow a path other than becoming a hero would mean, to Touya, accepting that he is the mistake he fears he is. Of course he isn’t going to respond well to that.

I don’t like when people try to compare Touya’s reaction in this moment to Shouto’s when Rei tells him he isn’t bound by his father’s blood, using that to paint Shouto as the “good” child and Touya as the “bad” one. They didn’t react differently because of any innate sense of goodness or lack thereof -- they reacted differently because the situations are different.

Telling Shouto that he didn’t have to be like his father comforted Shouto, who only knew his father as the bully who hurt his mom. He associated his father, and his father’s fire, with all of that fear and pain -- and thus, he associated the part of himself that took after his father with those feelings. She wasn’t denying his dream of becoming a hero, only assuring him that when he became a hero it could be whatever kind of hero he chose to be, that he wasn’t doomed to be like his father.

Whereas what she tells Touya sounds a lot like what his father told him, which was to give up on being a hero and pursue other aspirations.

Encouraging Shouto to become his own version of a hero still falls in line with what Endvr ultimately wants, which is for Shouto to be a hero capable of surpassing All Might. Whereas this is what happens when Touya continues to train to do that against his father’s wishes:

This is where the framing begins to bother me and where Rei’s characterization becomes inconsistent. 

So in this scene from Ch 302, we see Enji abusing his wife for “letting” Touya continue to train, punishing her for her “failure” to stop him. Obviously, none of that is Rei’s fault. If anything, Enji would be more responsible for preventing Touya from hurting himself since he’s the reason his son is hurting himself in the first place.

Moreover, the fact that he hits Rei over this sort of muddies the water of an previously-established narrative. Since the Sports Festival arc, we’ve known that Endvr abused his wife because she tried to interfere with Shouto’s training. It got to the point where she was terrified of her husband and it drove her to a breakdown. Why introduce this new aspect to the abuse, when it was already established that a) he was physically abusive and b) his motivations for abusing her were explicit to the audience? 

I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense that a man who hits his wife for one reason could find another reason to do it and justify his actions to himself. And while the scene does portray Endvr in a bad light to show how wrong his actions are, literally draping his figure in shadow, why does it even dare to suggest the idea that Rei was remiss in her duties as a mother? Again, the scene isn’t even necessary, since the narrative has long-since showed the audience that Enji abused his wife. 

By itself, the scene would read as further exploration of how Rei was victimized and how it affected her children. When you look at it with the chapter as a whole, though? Remember, this is the chapter where Rei claims that all of the family shares the blame in what happened to Touya, displacing some of the blame that rightfully rests on Enji. 

But my major gripe with this scene is how it reframes the sole moment we get of Rei and Touya alone. Because we know that Rei understands Touya, based on her confrontations with her husband in Ch 301 & 302. Rather than encourage him to be what he wants or acknowledge that his father is in the wrong, however, her advice falls in line with what Enji wants -- to stop Touya from training. And this comes after a scene where we see Enji beat his wife when she doesn’t stop Touya from training.

With all that in mind, it could potentially be read as Rei trying stop Touya for the sake of protecting herself and the family -- I don’t think it’s coincidence that in the scene where he hits her that we see Shouto, Fuyumi & Natsuo all as witnesses who are very distressed by what’s happening to their mother -- at the cost of Touya’s need to be validated. And if executed well or at least better than it has here, that wouldn’t be a bad choice of narrative per se, and it would fit into the pattern where the households the villains were raised in -- notably Shigaraki, Dabi & Toga -- mimic the society they live in, just on a smaller scale.

Except. Does that sort of narrative make sense based on what we already know about Rei?

Certainly, it is natural to want to protect yourself under physical and/or emotional duress by appeasing your abuser. This sort of complicated dynamic appears in the Shimura family, too. Just like in the house that Kotaro built, the Todoroki family revolves around the desires of the abuser and is dictated by his whims.

I would argue that Nao does give us a well-written example of this narrative. From the beginning, it’s established that she loves Tenko dearly. But in the house her husband built, there’s no room to love her son as he deserves. She prioritizes the feelings of Tenko’s father for the sake of maintaining peace in the household and this is established quickly and plainly.

Early on in the flashback, Kotaro exerts his control over the house, while Nao + her parents look uncomfortable. Despite this, we watch as they comply with his rules, all at the expense of Tenko’s feelings. When she stands up to Kotaro at last, it is not where Tenko can see and already too late. It’s a painful story, full of regret and sadness, but it is consistent from start to end. Nobody feels out-of-character or there to prop up anybody else.

So why doesn’t Rei feel as consistent in this narrative?

Because it doesn’t fit with everything we knew about Rei prior to her abuser’s subpar redemption arc.

The way she interacts with Touya would make sense, if this was how she was portrayed from the start. However, her behavior in Shouto’s flashback -- where she was first introduced -- contrasts what we get in the later Todoroki flashbacks.

Let’s compare this to the scenes in Ch 302. Here, Rei interferes on Shouto’s behalf. She advocates for her son in front of Shouto where he can hear. She stands up to his bully/villain and tries to protect him, while also validating his feelings in the process. Directly after this, Enji hits her, not for failing to comply with his demands, but for defying him. 

It is difficult to reconcile this Rei with the Rei we get in Ch 302. And if you try to find an in-story reason for the inconsistency, the options either do a disservice to Rei or make things even more painful for Touya. But I’m sure most of you have realized that I’m going to suggest a reason for this inconsistency that goes beyond the canon.

Because when Rei was first introduced in the story, Endvr was unequivocally the villain in the Todoroki family, not some misguided patriarch trying to atone for his “past” mistakes. Years later and in the midst of his redemption arc, the narrative seems to be intent on making this man more palatable to readers, and it’s used Rei at every opportunity to prop up his efforts to be better. Often, though, it takes some of the heat off Enji by displacing it onto other family members, most significantly Rei & Touya.

Like, you can literally see the difference in the frame from early in the manga to now:

Ch 39: Endvr trains his five-year-old to the point where he’s throwing up due overextension and being punched by a fully grown adult who is also his father. Rei tries to protect her son and gets slapped by Endvr. All the blames rests squarely on Endvr, who is clearly the aggressor and painted as the villain here.

Ch 302: Endvr hits Rei for not preventing Touya from sneaking out to train, knocking her to the ground. Again, Endvr is clearly the aggressor, but oh this time it’s not driven solely by his selfish desires it’s also cocnern for his son; Rei is the victim but oh she also should have been watching him more closely, and oh well why was Touya going out in the first place, when everyone has told him to stop and he knows his mom will get punished for it?

Honestly, I can understand where some people have mixed feelings over Rei’s character, particularly since the writing has done her such a disservice recently. With that being said, however, it takes a minimum amount of critical thinking to recognize that while you can criticize some choices she made, you cannot hold her to the same standard of accountability as Enji, it’s absurd. The power imbalance was obviously tipped in Endvr’s favor, always.

It is a shame, too, that we can’t have more discussions that don’t turn into some readers (a lot of whom are attempting to make Endvr sound less horrible than he actually was) trying to demonize her. It’s doubly a shame the story itself doesn’t bother to flesh her out as a person, instead using her as a prop, because the complex relationships she has with Touya -- with all her children, really -- has plenty of room for exploration. 

Like, there was no reason to add this new dimension of resentment due to her spouting Enji’s words back at Touya, when there was already a source of tension supported by previous canon -- the neglect the Todoroki kids suffered because Rei couldn’t be the parent they needed, due to her declining mental health and eventual breakdown.

Or, if you want to complicate their dynamic further, why not add something that focuses on Rei and has nothing to do with Enji? We learn in the flashbacks that Rei agreed to the marriage more-or-less to please her family, lamenting that she “intended to smile through it to the end,” essentially admitting that her hope was she could grin and bear it. It is telling that she had this attitude before entering her marriage; evidently, she was raised with the idea that she should be acquiescent to her parents’ whims and not express herself if she was only going to be contrary. Maybe she didn’t know how to deal with Touya’s very expressive, very emotional outbursts as a result. And her inability to respond would be the exact opposite of what Touya was seeking.

Not to mention that Touya died, and for the last decade, Rei was under the impression she had lost her son forever. He died while she was hospitalized, torn up with guilt over what she did to Shouto, only to find out that her other son died in a frankly horrific manner, and she could do nothing. By the time she would’ve found out, it was too late to even try to do anything. I can’t imagine what she must’ve felt in terms of regret alone, plus her grief. And I’m still mad we were robbed of her reaction to Touya being alive, because now suddenly there is a chance to do something, to change what was once written in stone.

Or what about Touya’s feelings for his mother, that have yet to be given much depth? As the oldest and most aware of his existence, it seems like he was the first to truly understand his mother’s situation and I can’t help but wonder: If Touya knew he vessel for his father’s ambition, and his mother was sold into role of creating/caring for him, did he question her love for him? Once he found out one parent’s love was conditional, it wouldn’t be a leap for him to consider it for the other. And yet if that’s true, Dabi doesn’t appear to hold any ill-will towards her for that. He was angry at her hypocrisy, because he knows she should understand, but her words to him didn’t reflect that.

All of that is fascinating and so much better than what we got in canon, so far at least. I’m hoping for them interact in the present at least once before the end of the series, and I think they will, but as to how satisfying a reconciliation it’ll be, I guess we’ll have to wait to see how the Todoroki plotline progresses from here on out.

#bnha #touya todoroki #rei todoroki #bnha meta #bnha analysis #this took way too long because I kept having more thoughts which made it even longer lol #and it actually gave me another idea for a touya & rei meta post but this is already a monster so that'll have to be its own separate post

[eremiie]

Hello there I really like your writing and I was maybe wondering I can get some angst of a cheating eren who break his s/o heart

yes you can!! i shed a few tears writing this bc i was listening to sad music & thinking, but i hope you enjoy, i am not the best at writing angst😪!

cheers to you - eren x reader

in which eren breaks your heart and you have no choice but to move on.

tw; crying, heartbreak ig idk

2.5k words | angst | modern au

"okay."

you pushed at sasha's phone, you didn't want to see anymore. you were trying to suppress your tears, refusing to cry in front of your two friends.

sasha took one more look at the photos before swiping out of her camera roll, looking back up at you with a frown, hitch likewise. "_____, are you okay?"

and you hated when people asked you that. you thought you were doing fine, you thought you could keep everything down but you simply thought wrong. you croaked out the smallest sound, but before you could even get a word out the tears began to spill, your eyes becoming bleary with the suffocating liquid and the suffocating feeling surrounding your heart. you felt so dumb.

hitch rushed to your side pulling you into a hug until your head fell against her shoulder, body going limp besides the soft heaves that would leave your shuddering body. the pictures of eren were embedded in your head, replaying in your mind, constantly on repeat and you wished to think of anything else that wasn't clawing at your heart like the photos lingering in your subconscious. it was all you could see, almost like a photo album; eren's hands sat on some random girls waist while she straddled him, his jaw slacked open as she ground against him, whoever taking the photo catching her mid grind. his eyes were half lidded if you remembered correctly, reddening, he must've been high.

you couldn't tell if that fact alone hurt you less or more.

your mind swiped, another photo with the same blond haired girl, this time her hands cupping his face and his hands gripping her ass while they engaged in a kiss that you wished was chaste. you were repulsed that your lips had met his in almost the same manner before he left for that party the same night. more sobs left your poor quivering lips, hitch's grip around you tightening as she tried to shush your sobs and cries.

sasha's hands ran over her face as she shook her head clear disappointment evident as she watched you and hitch.

"what did i do wrong?" you gasped for air finally pulling away from hitch, the only body part connecting with hers be your hands that she clasped so delicately as if, if she squeezed too tight you would break. "my heart hurts, it hurts, it hurts," you babbled as tears fell from the bottom of your chin and the bridge of your nose, your eyes were puffy and swollen. "this hurts so bad," you conveyed your emotions through words another gasp leaving your lips.

"you did nothing wrong," hitch reassured rubbing her thumbs against the surface of your hands. "he's just an idiot."

"it's gonna hurt, and that's okay," sasha scooted forward from her position on the floor laying her head in your lap and you knew she was right but god, you didn't want it to hurt. you wanted the pounding in your head to stop, the recurring thoughts to stop, the salty tears streaming down your cheeks to stop, i mean you wanted someone to tell you exactly where you messed up so you could go back and try again.

"do you want us to stay with you tonight?"

you looked down at the side of sasha's face, one of your hands letting go of hitch to comb through brunette hair, and the lazy bun in the back of her head seemed all too familiar already, the way a couple of flyaways framed the front of her face had you covering your mouth, repressing a gag with your palm, sasha whipping her head around to confront the source of the sound, worry on her face, but you squeezed your eyes shut, even the furrow in her brow reminding you all too much of the boy.

"______?" hitch's arms were back around you but you quickly pushed them off feeling the rising feeling of your breakfast you had not too long ago, rushing to the trash can in the corner of your dorm letting your remnants spill from your stomach. the feeling of throwing up felt so foreign to you, you couldn't even remember the last time you did it, and to some degree you wished your heart came up with it.

hitch's mouth parted in the slightest not even sure what to say but the anger behind her eyes was apparent. "baby, i'm so sorry." was all she could say in response while your body crouched beside the trash can, your hands slipping from the rim until they were palm first on the floor, slowing turning into fists.

"i wanna be alone for a couple hours." you managed to utter with a sniff.

"you sure?" sasha asked, standing up awkwardly with hitch reciprocating. you nodded your head and it felt like everything was going in snapshots, them walking to the door, the door opening and their bodies disappearing, your figure laying back in your bed and then the next snapshot didn't come, sleep had came so quick you didn't even have time to process it.

❈ ❈ ❈

your eyes fluttered slightly and you relished in the heat over you for a minute. your mind felt like a clean slate for the time being, as your eyes opened to the bed next to you, sasha's figure vacant from her bed. you remembered asking for some space before you left but you thought she'd had return by now. it was dark, but it couldn't have been too late as orange rays from the sun were attempting to shine through your curtains, making you assume that it was just around seven, the sun setting soon. but you craved the warmness that was around you a little more, pulling down to reach for your blanket, until your body froze.

the hand wrapped around your waist, much like in the photographs engraved in your brain twitched and that same sickness felt like it was resurfacing yet you dared to move, tears brimming again subconsciously.

"eren," you mumbled under your breath.

"hm?" oh, so he was awake.

your face scrunched up in agony at the sound of his voice, your eyebrows coming together, your eyes shutting and you biting your lip so hard the taste of blood collected on your tongue. "please," your breathing began to thicken again, you wanted to move his arm but your body was almost stuck in place. "move."

eren groaned against your back, nose nuzzling into the back of your neck and you mentally cringed. "get out," you said abruptly, body jolting at the sudden movement and you felt him still behind you. how did he even get in? and then you immediately regretted making an spare dorm key and giving it to him only a couple months into your relationship. "get out, get out." you finally regained some self control, your body slithering from under his until your arm touched the floor and you crawled away from your own bed. "go, what are you doing?" you lashed, his gingerly stare making you aware of the tears cascading down your face again.

eren stared back at you finally lifting his head up from the spare pillow that he always slept with when he spent nights with you, the pillow that stayed tucked away on your bed and the same pillow that you'd have to wash and get rid of that stupid recognizable cologne he wore, the same cologne that would linger on most of his clothing that you owned. "_____,"

"no, leave, please leave, i can't do this."

eren seemed genuinely confused, sitting up completely now and scooting forward until his legs dangled off the bed. "baby, what's-"

you winced at the nickname and clutched at your stomach, feeling the emptiness inside from the lack of food, yet you still felt the urge to dispel anything inside of it still. "please leave." you almost felt lightheaded, you felt as if you weren't being heard and you were sick.

the significant sound of the dorm keycard slot beeping until sasha's figure came back in, "_____, i left the key hear but luckily i had a keyca-" her voice slowly died down as she studied the scene of the dorm, your body on the floor away from your bed and eren's figure sat on the same bed, both pair of eyes now looking up at her."

"what the hell?" sasha stormed over to eren grabbing his arm in a feeble attempt to pull him off of your bed. although she wasn't strong enough eren did stand up, mainly because of your pleas for him to get out just earlier. "get out! she doesn't want you here, weirdo!" sasha exclaimed pointing towards the door clear anger flashing in her eyes. "and don't just come in here uninvited again!"

those green eyes that would unknowingly keep you up for nights after today kept that confused gaze on you as he walked around you and made you feel stupid and small. we're you overreacting? were those pictures just your imagination?

"_____..." eren mumbled before looking at your frame on the floor once more.

“get out!” sasha exclaimed.

you weren't sure if he was just that dense or he was hiding the fact that he knew exactly what he did. the door shut and you immediately began crying again, this time harder. wails of pain escaping your throat. your cries were loud and full of pain. you clutched at your shirt as if to grasp at your broken heart.

"oh my gosh." sasha dropped her keycard and bag onto your bed where she still stood and got on the floor with you pulling you as much into her lap as possible. you felt fragile in your hands, her gripping at the sweatshirt around your body. she listened to your cries, responding with "i knows," and "mhm," as if they were telling her a story, simply listening to the aching noises that were leaving you.

"sasha," you finally mustered the courage to speak a few words again, although they resembled your words from yesterday. "i'm hurting."

"i know, i know."

"i loved him." you blinked so you could see a little clearer, lifting your head to look at sasha, bringing your hands to either side of her head, your thumbs stroking her jaw. "i thought he loved me? why? why?"

sasha couldn't bare to look at your sad, damaged eyes and instead pulled you back against her chest. although your sobs died down she could feel the convulsing of your body and opted to hold you for as long as you needed.

“does he even know what he did? does he even know how much pain i’m in right now?”

sasha couldn’t even answer that question. by the looks of it he didn’t, maybe he was high? under the influence? but either way you didn’t have the courage to confront him about it.

instead you spent the next couple of weeks sulking, mending to your broken heart and staying out of eren’s way, no matter how many times he tried to communicate with you. it seemed as if word got to him on what he did, sasha getting connie to talk to him, and as angry as eren got there was no denying what he did, especially with photo evidence.

your phone blew up with his own pleas begging for forgiveness, begging for you to talk to him, to come back, to do something.

but you were fragile, and you knew that even being in his vicinity would tear you apart bit by bit. you didn’t want to weep in front of him, you didn’t want to be in front of him in the first place, nor did you want his pity.

did you want to get back with him? the question still pondered on your mind constantly but both sasha and hitch refused to let you, and they were perfectly fine with the situation going unresolved if it meant better for you.

"so?" hitch pointed the straw of her frappucino at you. "i really think you just need to try exploring your options, just living a little. you can go to the next party with sasha and i, i promise we won't mind."

“hitch i want her to go to a party too but i don’t know about her getting with anyone.” sasha swirled the stick inside her latte to mix it up before sucking the liquid off the end.

now it had been a few months since you had seen eren, a few months since you began to heal yourself slowly compared to those first couple weeks. you had to really thank hitch and sasha for being there most of the way for you, and you had to especially thank netflix and sleep for being two of your greatest distractions.

you never officially broke up with eren, sure you saw him in the hallways (and you were certain he saw you as well) you had a couple lectures with him where the two of you would sneak glances at each other; which kind of reminded you of when the two of you first began liking the other. he never made an effort to speak to you after the first couple weeks when he would text your phone constantly, as much as it seemed like he wanted to still.

"i don't know hitch. i haven't even got rid of his stuff yet. they're still sitting in that stupid box in the corner of me and sasha's dorm." sasha nodded in confirmation taking a bite of her biscuit.

"but i don't think that box should stop you from getting out the house again. you haven't really been anywhere besides maybe target with sasha. plus i miss seeing you!"

you rolled your eyes with a slight chuckle. "you see me at least three times, especially when... you know, you came like everyday at first."

hitch shrugged her shoulders and then took another sip of her drink. "but do you think i can start seeing you more is the question? c'mon this is the first step towards a new life without that bastard."

you pondered on the thought before a small sigh escaped your lips, and you slowly nodded your head.

"really?" hitch exclaimed, her hands reaching across the table to grab yours. "you mean you won't mind coming to the party this saturday?"

you narrowed your eyes at hitch. "this was your plan wasn't it?"

"yes, yes it was. but there's no backing out now."

"yes, hitch, i'll come to the party this saturday." you decided that maybe this would help your healing heart in the least and you would try to push aside the boy that broke it for the couple hours just to spend time with your friends. but you couldn't help and wonder, "what if i bump into him at the party? or he tries to talk to me?"

sasha looked at hitch and hitch looked back before both turning their eyes to you. "we can be with you the whole time if that's the case."

"i wouldn't want to ruin your fun."

"babe, hanging out with you is one of the points of bringing you, ____." sasha smiled.

you internally twitched at the mention of the nickname ‘babe’ but neither one of your friends seemed to tell. you were getting better with reacting to things that reminded you of him, and you didn’t hysterically start crying at the slightest mention or object that related to him.

"we got you, okay?"

you frowned slightly but gave sasha a smile back and squeezed hitch's hand in the slightest. "yeah, okay."

this was the beginning of a new life for you, you wouldn’t spend your days sulking after him anymore. cheers to you and your first big step forward.

#eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger #attack on titan #eren angst #eren aot

[cutieodonoghue]

the edge of hope (1/9)

summary: canon divergent au; when Din left Sorgan to protect the Child, he left the woman he’d fallen in love with, not knowing he’d also left behind something else. Or, Omera and Winta join Mando and Grogu on their season 2 adventures. Mandomera!

Read the first chapter below the cut or on AO3!

The Secret

Before Omera discovered she was expecting her daughter Winta, she had an instinct. It was warm, this feeling, tingling along her flesh in goosebumps in a way that mirrored a cool breeze. Even before she knew for certain, with signs and symptoms, she knew.

Just as she knew now.

She lay in her bed with the realization sitting heavy against her chest. It seemed to just happen, the knowledge that she was going to be a mother for the second time. Unprompted, but certainly not unwanted.

Her fingers fell to her middle, tracing a delicate circle over her bellybutton.

Would it be a boy this time? A boy with dark hair and eyes. A boy with a calm dominance like his father?

Or perhaps it would be another girl. Winta would love a baby sister.

She listened to the sounds of the night. Her palm settled against her still-flat belly.

Her unborn child’s father had left the planet of Sorgan only a few weeks ago, but it almost felt like it had been years. They’d grown close while he was in the village. So close, indeed, that she’d invited him into her arms and bid him farewell with the most tender of embraces.

Omera had never seen the Mandalorian’s face, but his voice she would never forget. A whisper in her ear, breaking, “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

She’d understood, of course, even though she’d tried her hardest to get him to stay. To settle down and raise his son in the village. To stay for her. It was selfish, but the way she felt for him was too strong to ignore - she needed to fight for it.

And perhaps now, she could understand why.

Omera didn’t know how to contact the Mandalorian, and at the time it hadn’t been important to learn. They’d just been two strangers brought together by the most incredible circumstances. Both of them were parents to children they swore their lives to protect. They were drawn together by fate and pulled apart by timing.

In another life, maybe she would have offered to travel with him instead of staying put. It was for Winta’s sake that she stayed. Sorgan was their home. Their people were on Sorgan.

It wouldn’t be wise to try and find a way to share her news, she decided, for sake of the Mandalorian’s mission. Protecting the Child was his prime task, and she knew that if they’d stayed, the Child would only be hunted each and every day.

Perhaps, Omera thought, when she knew for certain that this feeling that covered her like a warm blanket was true, she could make her way to the place where Cara Dune had mentioned she’d be.

For the time being, she would just have to imagine what life could have been, were it not for the forces acting against them.

-

Two Months Later

Din Djarin sat in the cockpit of his ship. The Child he’d been quested to care for rested in the seat beside him, almost suspiciously quiet. With the bounty off of their heads, they would finally be free to move on to their next task: finding the Jedi.

It seemed like an impossible feat. He didn’t know any Jedi, and he didn’t know where to begin his search. He only knew that the Mandalorians and Jedi were adversaries. Maybe, if he could find another Mandalorian, they would have a clearer picture of where a Jedi could be found.

But something made him stop short. His fingers hovered over the navigation computer as if frozen.

So easily he drove himself into the ground solving one problem that could lead him to his next trouble. It was how he’d made a living, before. 

“You and your boy could have a good life. He could be a child for a while. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Omera’s words seemed to return to him every time he had even just a moment for himself. 

They hadn’t had enough time together. He’d found himself with an itch to run, to return to life as usual, and then a more paternal need to protect the kid took over.

He shut his eyes, thinking back to the way she’d felt in his arms that night before he decided to go. She’d been so kind. So loving.

“You were brought here for a reason,” she’d told him in a whisper, “and I know it’s selfish, but I wish it was for me.”

Since he left Sorgan, when Din closed his eyes to rest, he thought of the way her lips curled into a smile. He thought of her laugh, and the way she sighed when they were so intimately together.

Turning in his chair, he looked to the Child, who peered up at him with a curious quirk of his head. He cooed, thoughtful, and Din took a deep breath. This was his son, according to the Armorer, which meant that he would raise him as his own for however long it took to reunite him with his kind.

“Before we go look for a Jedi, I want to stop somewhere,” Din said. “We won’t take long. I just need to make things right first. Honor is an important part of my creed.”

He’d left Sorgan, and Omera, without a promise of his return, and he hadn’t intended upon revisiting. 

Things had changed so quickly, as they’d seemed to since the arrival of the Child in his life. 

He had almost died just a short time ago. He could still see that beckoning darkness when he closed his eyes. His entire clan had been scattered and slain. He and the Child were on their own. 

There was nothing stopping him from returning to Sorgan again other than his own pride. Yet, his pride was smothered by another feeling altogether: guilt. 

On a heavy sigh, he prayed that it wouldn’t be a mistake to return, that Omera wouldn’t cast him away after what he’d done, and entered in the coordinates for Sorgan.

-

Omera’s body began to swell much sooner than she anticipated. 

Her bump wasn’t very noticeable, but it provided her even more proof that the feeling she’d had was true: she was expecting a baby. 

There was gossip around the village about who the father might be, but she never gave them any hints. It wasn’t hard to guess. Their village was a small place where everyone knew each other almost too well.

Perhaps she had been too obvious about the way she felt while he was with them, and then for the days that followed his departure. She’d kept to herself when he left, feeling sorrowful in a way that didn’t make sense. They weren’t meant to be together, so why was it so difficult to let him go?

When she told her news to Winta, her daughter had screamed with delight and immediately cradled her small bump, giving it affectionate kisses and whispers.

Now that she knew that she truly was expecting, Omera often laid awake at night thinking about how she should get a message to the Mandalorian. She’d heard he had come to Sorgan a short while ago, taking Cara Dune with him in haste. 

It hurt that he wouldn’t have even bothered to visit, but again, she understood. The Child must have been in danger. Cara was a fighter, and a good one at that. 

With a hand on her belly, Omera sat upright in her bed. It was the middle of the night, and she was unable to sleep. She’d found herself too wound up thinking of all the ways she could tell the Mandalorian about this unexpected surprise that came from their union.

She’d need to tell him soon if he was going to be involved. If he’d want to be. She was sure he would want to know, if only to be aware of what paths lay ahead of him. 

Omera stood and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She checked briefly on her daughter, still soundly sleeping, before putting her feet into a pair of boots at the hut door. 

The outside was much cooler at night, but not unlivable. She stepped quietly to the chair on the porch and sat in it, her focus turning to the stars.

Sometimes, she liked to imagine her Mandalorian was doing the same.

Suddenly, she saw a ship break the atmosphere, flying steadily in the direction of a landing nearby. Something about the ship was familiar in a way that made her heart jump in her chest.

Could it be? Had he returned?

If it was him, all of her dreams would be answered. She would have the chance to share her news. Perhaps she could even share her feelings. Would he feel the same for her?

Omera sat on the porch for a few hours, gazing up at the night sky. She didn’t know if the Mandalorian had plans to return to the village, so she didn’t hold onto any hope that he would.

Instead, Omera soothed a hand over her middle and dreamt of the life she would have with two children in her care. It wouldn’t be easy, but she loved being a mother to Winta. She knew her heart would swell with love for the new child, too.

She wasn’t sure when she fell asleep, but she awoke to the sounds of the dawn. The sun barely kissed the horizon and the sky glowed with warmth of the coming morning.

Omera turned her focus to the hunger rising within her and walked toward the food storage, where she’d be able to get something small to eat before she’d wake Winta for the day.

“Omera.”

Her heart leapt at the familiarity of the sound that came from a voice modulator. 

Before her, she found the Mandalorian, just as she remembered him, holding in one arm his boy, still just as small as he’d been before. 

He was on Sorgan to see her again. He came back.

Omera wasn’t sure if he’d noticed the swell of her belly, but she was too overwhelmed to care.

“You’re here.”

The Mandalorian gave the slightest nod while Omera closed the distance between them. He stood just at the edge of the village, far enough out that his presence wouldn’t have caused a scene.

“Is your boy safe?”

Again, he nodded. “We’re no longer being hunted.”

Hopeful, Omera allowed herself to get a little carried away with her thoughts. Maybe he had come here for her. Maybe if they weren’t being hunted, that meant he was ready for the life she’d offered him here.

“Does that mean you’re back for good?”

He was silent. The Child cooed, looking up at the Mandalorian with curiosity. He met the Child’s gaze and shook his head ever so slightly.

“No. I have been given a task to find his kind. The Jedi.”

Omera’s eyes widened. “He’s a Jedi?”

“Yes.”

She studied the Child, a soft smile filling her face. “I knew he was a special boy.”

The morning sounds were pretty in her ears, suddenly brighter in sound than they had been in the time the Mandalorian had been gone away from Sorgan. The warm glow of the sunrise seemed fuller, too.

“I want to apologize,” the Mandalorian said. “For leaving the way I did.”

“You needed to protect your boy. Any parent would have done the same.”

He nodded. He seemed quieter than he’d been before. She had to wonder what he’d been through these past few months. 

“I almost died,” he explained. “We were pinned down by stormtroopers in Nevarro. I… took my helmet off.”

Her eyes widened. He’d been so adamant before that it couldn’t be removed. “You did?”

“It was the only way. A nurse droid saved my life.”

Suddenly, she felt overwhelmed in a different way. While she was in the village, harvesting krill and living her life on Sorgan, he was out there, very nearly having lost his life. 

Tears found her eyes and she reached with one hand to place it on the cool of his beskar helmet. She wished she could touch his warm cheek, to comfort him in a way she’d never been able to, and likely never would.

“You’re free to stay here as long as you need.” Omera smiled. It took a conscious effort to be polite when she wished she could be something more. “Recover from battle. Prepare for the next leg of your journey.”

The Mandalorian surprised her when his hand found hers over his helmet. The familiarity of the feeling brought her back to his last morning on Sorgan.

“You didn’t have to come back here,” Omera said, still trying to understand why he’d come.

“I wanted to,” the Mandalorian told her. He paused, shifting on his feet just enough that she realized how close they stood together. “I wanted to see you.”

Omera took a deep breath and pulled her hand away from his. She could only imagine what seeing death like he had felt like. What sorts of things had he thought about as the realization came?

“Why?”

She could sense a struggle. He paused for a few beats longer than necessary, and when he spoke, it was softer, as if exposing a part of himself he was afraid of.

“I thought about you.” The Mandalorian averted his gaze, looking at his son in his arm. “I almost died, and all I could think about as I was lying there was you.”

Her heart skipped a beat in surprise. In his final moments, he thought about her. 

Now she understood why he had come back again.

Around them, Sorgan began to wake. She heard the families of the village chattering in the early morning, keeping their voices low, and she knew it would only be a matter of time before they emerged and found that the Mandalorian had returned.

They would be eager to talk to him and smother him in questions, but Omera was greedy and wanted time to talk with him alone. If nothing else, they desperately needed at least a few minutes to talk.

“Come with me. I’ll give you space to sit for a minute. We can talk.”

The Mandalorian nodded in agreement and followed her to the barn where he’d stayed before. 

She worried herself over clearing a place for him to sit and glanced over her shoulder at him, asking, “Are you hungry?” 

“If you can spare something to eat, we’d be grateful.”

He settled the Child into his lap when he sat down on a chair, and Omera lingered by the door, staring at him as if he would disappear if she looked away.

“I won’t go anywhere.”

Omera laughed to herself, embarrassed. “Sorry. I just… didn’t think…” 

She cut herself off, shaking her head. She was acting like a teenager in love for the first time and it was completely unbecoming. She was sure the Mandalorian could see straight through her. 

“I’ll go get you two something to eat and see Winta off for the morning. I’ll be back soon.”

She lingered a moment more, staring at the man that her heart longed for the most, and then slipped out of the barn, moving swiftly toward the home she shared with Winta. 

She felt giddier than she had in a very long time, and it wasn’t for good reason at all. She knew the Mandalorian would leave Sorgan again. It was always inevitable that he would leave. 

Biting softly on her lip, Omera entered her home and found that Winta had already risen for the day. She sat at their small table, nibbling on a meal she must’ve put together for herself.

“Morning, Mama.”

“Good morning, Winta. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.”

“That’s okay.”

Omera lowered a kiss to the top of Winta’s head and took a deep breath of the morning as she sat beside her. “I have something to share with you.”

Winta quirked an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“The Mandalorian has returned.”

Her daughter stopped chewing, her eyes growing wide. “Really?”

Omera nodded. “I’m not sure how long he’s staying, so let’s keep it between us, alright?”

Winta agreed with an excited nod. “Does he have the Child?”

Omera smiled. “Yes. They’re in the barn. I wanted to get them something to eat. Would you help me?”

“Okay.”

Together, Omera and Winta prepared the Mandalorian and his son a small meal, and together, they approached the barn with a quiet understanding between them.

It wasn’t everyday Sorgan got a visitor, and it wasn’t everyday that their village played host, especially to someone like the Mandalorian and his Jedi son.

When they entered the barn, she found the Mandalorian sitting atop the chair, exactly as she’d left him. He looked up from the boy in his arms as she and Winta made their delicate approach.

“I hope it’s alright that I brought Winta.” Omera found herself feeling more nervous than she should. “She’s missed your boy.”

The Child looked at Winta, a familiarity in the way he tilted his head and cooed.

“Looks like he remembers you,” the Mandalorian told Winta.

Winta giggled with delight and waved at the boy, but kept her distance, just as Omera had asked of her. 

“Can I feed him?”

At the question, the Mandalorian leaned over, settling the Child on the floor of the barn. “Why don’t you take him outside? He would probably like to play, too.”

Winta’s face lit up. She nodded. “I’ll make sure he’s fed first.”

Omera watched as Winta lifted the small boy and carried him toward the threshold. And then, as if it were always meant to be this way, she was alone with the Mandalorian again.

She turned to him and extended the plate in her hand. “Here. I’ll leave this with you.”

He reached for the plate, but stopped short. 

“My name is Din Djarin.” The Mandalorian’s voice cracked when he spoke. “You can call me Din.”

Omera smiled softly, privately delighted over the fact that she wouldn’t ever have to think of him as just a Mandalorian again. He had always been more than that to her, and now she could call him by his true identity: Din. 

“Din.” She nodded her head with reverence for what he’d given her. “I’ll go do some things around the village while you eat, and I’ll be back. We can talk, if you want.”

Finally, he took the plate from her. “I would like that.” 

Omera’s heart swelled, unable to help itself. This was the man she’d longed for ever since the day he left Sorgan. Now, she would have the chance to speak with him again. To even just be near him again.

“I’ll see you later, Din.”

-

When Din finished eating, he waited for Omera to return. 

He wasn’t eager to insert himself in a place he didn’t belong, so he instead stood at the window that looked out over Winta and the Child. They played happily with a few of the other children in the village. It was truly where he seemed to fit in, amongst other children that saw him as an equal.

Sometimes, Din felt as if he wasn’t an adequate caretaker for the boy. They were always in danger, flying lightspeed through the stars, running or hunting. A place like Sorgan gave him a chance to breathe. To set his thoughts straight.

The Jedi was his prime directive, and he had every intention of finding one. The Child needed someone who could care for him in a way that he needed to be cared for. A Jedi would guide him and help him grow in ways Din would never be able to.

And yet, here he was: on Sorgan chasing after something from his own heart. He didn’t know what he was going to achieve with his return, but if he hadn’t made the effort, if he hadn’t been able to see Omera again… he wouldn’t have the peace to continue on his journey. Not after the way he’d left things.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” Omera’s voice came from the entry of the barn. “Are you decent?”

Din nodded, smiling a little to himself. She was not only beautiful, but caring in a way he rarely saw in his travels from planet to planet. 

“Yes. You can come in.”

When Omera entered the barn, he turned to her. She wore her hair down in a pretty cascading wave that settled against her back, and instead of a dress, she wore pants and a long-sleeve top. 

Omera looked different than the last time he’d seen her. There was a certain bright hope in her eyes that sparkled all the brighter when she flashed her teeth at him in a smile. Beyond that contagious look in her eyes, she seemed to glow.

She approached him at the window and studied him quietly. “I can tell you’ve been through a lot. Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. It wasn’t Omera’s burden to bear. Everything he’d gone through had simply been a sobering reminder that his life was short. 

Death would always tease him. It was an inherent risk of doing what he did. It was part of the Mandalorian creed, a proud part of what he believed, but he’d never been so close before that he could taste it in his mouth and see it when he closed his eyes. 

“The Child and I are a clan of two,” Din told her. He looked out the window again, finding the boy toddling toward a ball on the ground. “Everything I do, I do for him.” Returning his focus to Omera, he swallowed at the lump forming in his throat. “But coming here again was for myself.”

Omera’s smile was kind. “You’re allowed to do things for yourself.”

He thought back to the last time he was on Sorgan, to the night before he left. 

It had been warm, the way they touched and explored more deeply, but it hadn’t been exactly delicate. They fumbled and laughed. Somehow, the hem of Omera’s dress ripped.

“My dress tore,” she’d whispered with a wrinkled nose. There was a lighthearted twinkle in her eye, unashamed and unconcerned about the predicament she’d encountered. 

Din had laughed in surprise, a little too loud for the quiet they were trying to keep. It had been so silent between them, the build up to that moment, with a passion building in touches and stares. 

Flashing him a playful smile while she'd laughed beneath her breath, Omera had pressed a finger over the place his lips were beneath his helmet. “Shh.”

Asking him to be quiet only made him laugh more, his chest bouncing with each gentle chuckle. 

Omera slid her palms against his chest and he settled his against her hips, holding her with strength and reverence. He didn’t deserve to be shown the kind of hope Omera offered him- still didn't.

“I love your laugh.” Omera had tilted her head affectionately, an equally as affectionate smile upon her lips. “It’s warm. Like the sunset.”

He'd considered it for a second, focused only on the beauty that had straddled his hips, and whispered, “Yours is like honey.”In the end, it had been perfect in a way that it needed to be.

Maybe it had been the encounter that terrified him into leaving, intent on allowing the kid to stay behind, to grow up in peace with Omera as his caretaker. 

His heart had never ached the way it did that night, as she lay beside him sleeping. It was like he found something he hadn’t realized he’d been searching for.

“I feel bad for how I left things with you,” Din said. He hoped she could hear his honesty. “I didn’t want to stay, even after… we shared what we did.” 

Omera nodded. His words hadn’t surprised her. “You’re destined for something more than Sorgan. I knew that then, too.”

Still, his chest ached. “You’re not upset with me?”

“No.”

She put her palm against his helmet and he felt his breath hitch as if she’d touched his flesh. In her eyes, he saw something change. She had something she was keeping from him. A secret. 

When she spoke again, it wasn't to share her secret, however, “I’m glad you came back.”

Din reached for her hand and took it, giving it a tender squeeze. “I wish I could say we can stay here, but I have to do right by the Child.”

“I know,” Omera promised. Her smile was soft and kind. It reminded him of the way sunlight felt on his skin. “We can have this day together again, and when you’re ready, one day you’ll return. Then, we can pick up where we left off.”

He wanted, very badly, to believe that things could end that way, but he’d almost died. The last thing he wanted was for his end to come before he could fulfill the dream Omera held in her heart.

“I… don’t think that will be possible.”

Her brow knitted and she shook her head. She lowered her hand away from his helmet. “Why not?”

“I can’t make a promise I can’t keep.”

“You don’t need to make a promise.”

“You shouldn’t wait for me.” The words came out on a crack, his heart at war with his mind. “You should do what’s right for you. Do what’s right for your daughter.”

Omera was silent. She tilted her head, studying him more, and then her eyes fell shut as she tilted her head down toward the ground. When her gaze returned to him, she shook her head.

“I’ll wait for you.”

Her words hit him in his gut harder than any punch or blaster fire ever had before.

“I have faith that you’ll return one day.” Omera searched his eyes. “I want to wait for you because it will be worth every moment spent apart.” With a soft sigh, she took a half step backwards. “That is, unless you don’t want to come back.”

Din studied Omera. He wasn’t sure why she felt the way she did, but he respected her heart more than he even respected his own.

“Come with us. We can find the Jedi together.”

Omera’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

“I’ve seen how you shoot. You can handle yourself. And if it would allow us to… be together, then I think it would be worth it.”

She took a step backward, shaking her head. “Din…”

Omera looked out the window, at the children. He followed her gaze, seeing Winta giggling with the Child, overjoyed to be reunited once more.

“Winta would come with us.”

For just a few seconds, his proposition sat between them and he very nearly thought that he should take it back. She finally looked at him again and in her eyes, he saw that secret once more.

“I want to say yes,” Omera told him. “But it wouldn’t be right to pull Winta away from her home.”

Consistency was the one thing he’d be unable to give them on the Crest, moving from system to system. Maybe one day, he’d be able to slow himself down enough, but as long as he had a mission, he’d never be enough for Omera and Winta.

He felt strangely upset that she didn’t want to join him. It was his path forward, not hers. She belonged on Sorgan. Why did he want her to come with him so much?

There were tears in Omera’s eyes, unshed, and her voice was quiet when she spoke, “You don’t know how badly I wish I could leave.”

Din nodded. It would be for the best, wouldn’t it? Having Omera on the ship was a strange idea to have to begin with. He liked traveling alone. 

“It’s alright.”

“No,” Omera murmured, “it isn’t.”

“Come with us, then.” This time, he was more purposeful, stepping toward her with every intention to sweep her into his arms as if he could hold her again the way he had before. 

He suddenly found himself wondering what it would feel like to look at her with his own eyes, not through the haze of his visor. The last time he’d had this feeling, he almost allowed her to pull his helmet from his head. 

When IG-11 had removed it, he’d felt exposed. Unlike himself. Unnatural, even. But the droid wasn’t a living being. He hadn’t broken his creed.

If he pulled his helmet off now, it would absolutely be broken. Who would he be then? 

Maybe the better question was: who was he now? He had practically begged her to join him on his path when it wasn’t her place. 

It was selfish. He was incredibly selfish. He opened his mouth to take it all back, to apologize, to hopefully set things right again, but Omera spoke first. 

“Maybe it would only be for a little while.” Omera’s head tilted slightly in thought. “We could come back to Sorgan once we found the Jedi. Winta would love the adventure.”

His heart leapt violently against his ribcage. She wanted to join him.

“We can do that.” 

Omera took a deep breath, contemplating him, and then gave a succinct nod. “Okay.”

There was no way this was happening. Was it? He’d come to the village on Sorgan with the intention to apologize, and all of a sudden, he would be leaving with Omera at his side, ready to fight with him as they looked for a Jedi.

“You’re sure?”

She laughed, sweet like honey. “Yes, Din. I’m sure.”

Din laughed out of sheer joy, something he rarely allowed himself. Almost by instinct, he took her face between his hands, pulling the crown of his head down to hers in a Keldabe kiss. He shut his eyes as they shared the intimate moment. 

In all of his life, he had never allowed himself to be given away so freely to another. Yet, here he stood. His heart had practically flown off of Sorgan on its own because Omera wanted to go on this journey with him.

Omera’s fingers curled around his hands and she sighed contentedly. Something in her sigh echoed the sentiment within his chest. They both longed to be together.

“We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” Din said. “That will give you time to prepare.”

When she pulled away from the close embrace, Omera wore a soft smile, but in her eyes, he again saw her secret hiding. Maybe, he thought, he’d ask about it later. For now, they had plenty to deal with.

-

It took a few hours to find the Razor Crest, Din’s ship, nestled quietly in the midst of tall towering trees. Winta had spent much of the journey playing with the Child, while Omera had spent her time worrying about whether or not she was making a huge mistake.

She’d thought about telling Din. More than once, she’d had the opportunity to share that she was expecting, and she knew that going on an adventure off of the calm of Sorgan would likely only cause her more trouble. 

It would only be a few weeks before she’d really begin to show, and she knew Din would know by then just by looking at her figure.

Her tongue seemed to get stuck within her mouth each time she parted her lips to say something. Maybe it wasn’t time yet. Maybe she would wait for a private moment, away from the children, and tell him then.

“Is this your ship?” Winta asked, in awe of the vessel that stood before them.

“Yes.”

“And we’ll be staying on it for a few weeks?”

Din looked at Omera. She smiled, reaching for the back of Winta’s head to cradle it in her palm, her hair soft to the touch.

“Just a few weeks. We’ll come back to Sorgan once we find the Child’s kind.”

Winta looked down at the baby in her arms. He made a little noise at the attention, pleased.

Together, they filled the ship with the goods the village had offered them for their journey. Once everything was on board, Omera helped Winta and the Child find the cockpit of the craft while Din did a check outside.

“Mama, does the Mandalorian know about...?” Winta asked in a quiet voice.

Omera shook her head. “No. And I would like to keep it that way, until I’m ready to share our news. Alright? Don’t tell him yourself.”

“I won’t,” Winta assured her. She smiled. “It would be nice if we could all be a family.”

Omera’s heart felt full even at the barest mention of the idea that had already rooted itself deep within her. She helped buckle Winta into a seat and bit on her lower lip. “It would be nice.”

The Child made a noise from Winta’s arms, a coo that sounded like a question. He reached out for Omera’s middle and she swore that he waved a hand over it, as if he knew there was life growing inside.

“Alright, everything looks good out there,” Din’s voice interrupted. His arrival brought Omera up onto her feet. She turned, careful within the tight space. “Is everyone ready?”

Omera nodded. “Where are we going first?”

“Tatooine. I’ve learned that there is a Mandalorian there. Hopefully, they can connect me to more of my kind.” 

As the Razor Crest lifted out of the marshland of Sorgan, Omera felt as if it was the beginning of a hopeful future. They would be given a home here, as unique and strange as it was, and they would be with the man she loved.

Once the ship entered space, Din turned, looking over his shoulder at the girl sitting over his shoulder. “Would you like to help?”

Winta’s eyes widened with delight. “Me?”

“Come here.”

Winta did as she was told and sat on Din’s lap. He taught her what to do with a gentle voice, one Omera knew he possessed but rarely used. She’d heard him speak this way to the Child just the night prior, as evening fell over Sorgan and he tried to get his son to sleep.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Din asked when Winta had pushed the lever on the console.

Her daughter laughed. “Thank you for letting me fly.” 

“You’re welcome, Winta.”

It was then that Omera realized deep within her heart that it would all be alright. 

They were brought together again for a purpose. Whether they traveled together for a few days or a lifetime, she counted herself lucky to have the opportunity to sit on the Mandalorian’s right hand side.

#mandomera #din x omera #the mandalorian #my writing #the edge of hope #oof i'm excited about this #but so nervous ! #lol if i don't post this now i will never post it

[blankdblank]

Brother Dearest Pt 77

A morning of scheduling in a stop at Freckled Moose Publishing Company had them grinning widely as you mapped out dates for the planned four stops for signings when the book would be ready to be released in August. Sealing for them the firm back half of the two year contract they had once lucked out on that brought them more clients in their affiliation with you. Curiously at the end of the meeting you asked, “Just curious, if I ever wanted to put out a sort of History book could I call you, would that be possible for the company to publish?”

Excitedly the Editor asked, “You’re writing a History book?”

And the other asked, “History on what?”

“Well, I sort of have a notorious ancestor that I’ve been digging into. Found letters from Kings and even a few Popes who tried to sentence them to death,” widening their curious grins. “Granted it’s probably years away from being done.”

The head guy stated, “We would be beyond interested and honored to publish your book whenever it is ready. How’d you find out about your ancestor?”

“I got a letter from the King of Spain who had been researching them out of fun growing up and he saw a portrait in what he’d found and then saw pictures of me and King George and he had to write to me about it and I’ve been a bit hooked digging myself. They’re sort of turned into this legendary person who’s been all over the world through history, which is sort of odd and people may just shout that it’s got to be made up, but there’s official documents for it all.”

“Well we’ve certainly been lacking in our non fiction section of authors so whenever you are ready please do send us a draft or some hint of this intriguing thing.”

“We will,” you said and they showed you down so you could stop at the comic book studio next to hand over the next chunk of storylines that had the guys beaming at the direction you were leading the story from its latest cliff hanger.

“I think it was nice throwing them that bone,” Victor said that had James agree. “You can tell they were bound to try and offer another deal for something when this book was through.”

“At least I know now, they might be inclined to humor a History book from me which borders on a creature like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster.”

“You are neither of those,” James said.

“I’m not tall enough, I know.” You said making the brothers chuckle and shake their heads.

“Well let’s feed your tiny mythical self, Darling.” James said helping you back into the car for the drive home again.

.

Mr Yarbrough’s stop in on Monday did little to calm your nerves at being expected at a new campus the following morning. Sleep somehow attained didn’t feel like it had lasted the full night and more like a sort of jump in time, while not tired all the same it was an odd feeling to have to get up again. Comfortably in a skirt and blouse with cardigan in hand from the house once you were fed and had nursed again snuggly into the car you sat chatting anxiously with James and Victor around you on their joint task to see you off to school pre stop into the comic studio again.

The excitement was palpable from the moment you exited the car with bag in hand to join the hundreds of students who had arrived on this first day of the summer classes that each one you got close to greeted you fondly. Aids in the halls helped to guide the way to where those who hadn’t taken tours were headed. One of whom excitedly guided you to the Art Wing where you found the first of your classes. One on the styles of art mediums and the deeper meanings and symbolism to each of them to further deepen not just your knowledge of pieces of art like the class you had taken but the reasoning behind them and how to recognize various styles. This class usually was paired with another, your next one where it would be continued lessons on the styles and according to the course description would be more of an advanced art class.

The first Professor however froze when he saw you and promptly nodded his head when he noticed you were looking his way as you entered and crossed the room to get to the stadium of seats. “Baroness Howlett, good morning.” His fingers fidgeting around the button on his vest atop his neatly pressed shirt on the man who reminded you a bit of a bird by the slant of his cheeks and chin to match his slim forehead.

“Good morning. Just Howlett is fine. No need to complicate things for another student to teach.”

“I can imagine you will never be just another student,” he said and then added, “As you wish. Mrs Howlett it is.”

“You won’t regret it,” you said and made your way to the second row of seating along the wall to keep out of the way from the other students who filed in, each stuck between their confusion on if they should choose a seat nearby the famous face amongst them or to keep their distance. All the same a cheery group of young ladies chose to settle a few seats away from you in your row who only lured more students to fill the rows in front and behind your chosen seat. Mainly slides and ample discussion upon each piece to get right into the kick of the lessons inside the notebook you had for the class ample notes were taken and eventually you were off to the next class.

A robed woman on the raised platform inside what seemed to be more of an art studio lit both by a wall with windows across the top third and the dangling light fixtures. All to make it the perfect setting for the 30 easels that a man you would take as one who prized himself on his artistic prowess huffed through hanging more large sketch pads on each easel. It wasn’t until the third one he hung up that you took notice of the names scrawled across the backs to name where you stood. And of course you as the shortest of the students who had entered and would enter in the very back you were settled in a stunning move for everyone but the smug Professor who at the snap of his fingers had the woman drop her robe.

“Pick a style of art and interpret what you see. You have an hour, impress me.” From the bar of the easel you lifted the box of Mongol brand colored pencils also with your name on a strip of tape to mark it as yours and opened the case to pull out a grey one.

Basic outlines in dots for the shape of the odd crab like couch that the model was draped across. A yellow set of dots lined the body’s end points before a light green was used to work on a few things behind the couch. For some reason you heard hour and wanted to have the hardest challenge possible so you aimed for pointillism. Not just for difficulty but also an excuse to not be too terribly detailed without aiming for something abstract like Picasso could have dreamed up.

Obviously not much was expected and when the professor who hadn’t so much as said hello just about fell down as you completed a series of smaller dots between larger dots to complete another chunk of the blurry yet clearer scene. It seemed he had already in his made up decision to be distant to each of his students to glance down his nose at their work so far continued on to the next easel in his lap through the room. This was his chosen method and this was just how it was going to go and when the class was through your piece and another had his focus linger as he switched the sketch pads for the next class wondering how the next time he saw you all would fare.

Anatomy and Physiology came next and another look of shock bled into an impressed question from this former Doctor of a Professor who heard you had repaired an artery with just a heated pin that had him agree to speak further on possible difficult cases you had faced in the war that cost him his left foot. While more technical and loaded with all male students to surround your seat up front at his suggestion for a clear line of sight at least he seemed pleased to have a fellow Army Medic to help boost up the usual lower end of his summer grading curve.

Communication came next and seemed a rather simple statistic laced course that was followed by another male centered course of Engineering. And while you were in a skirt the basic schematic sheets offered for you all as tests of intuition on what you could do in a long string of what could come for the rest of the few months you would be studying here with mention of actually constructing something for your exams.

From your last class you couldn’t help but grin at the thought of being able to return home again to your girls. So much so that when you saw James’ back you hastened a few steps to take hold of his suspender strap luring a smirk across his lips in a prompt turn to lower and kiss his bubbly wife no matter how many people could see the display of affection. “I take it you had a good morning?” Victor crooned in the midst of the lip lock and smiled at you when you broke apart to cuddle into James’ chest around your bag and notebooks.

“I did, be glad to get home though.” You said making them smile and guide you into the middle of the front bench seat to make the drive home when you shared your day and heard about the latest on their morning in the comic studio.

.

Wednesday tutoring was followed by on campus classes the following day to finish off the stretch of schooling for the week. All in all not a bad load to bear and one that could easily be laid onto a schedule to manage with ease. Your final hours leading into Friday however had Norma back at home and excited to take you on a family trip for the day to LA.

‘Scudda Hoo! Scudda Hay!’ words that were etched across the covers of magazines and newspapers alike with ample radio mentions. Amongst the hype of the latest Stark film in the works with one of the minor characters in this film word of your touching down with Norma had a sea of cameras there for an explosive amount of press for the film. Right away Norma’s smile was locked in place and she answered questions as best she could on the way to the waiting car and of those already camped outside the home rented for all of you on the beach.

Nice and quiet the moonlit beach had you on the back porch listening to the waves lap once the children had been put down to sleep. Random strolling couples and a few lone teens with telescopes were in your view stealing watch alone together under the rarely seen stars deeper in the cities. “Almost makes you wonder,” Eddie said joining you on the porch as Dawn and Norma started on the nightly facial routine you said you’d join in a moment a few minutes prior. “Just how much we’re missing out on down here with the tiny telescopes we have.”

“I think I’d settle on knowing what heartbeat I’m hearing out in the ocean.”

Eddie chuckled saying, “Probably a shark or a really old turtle.” He nodded his head to lure you inside saying, “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up for a short nap then we have to get you ready for the premier and we can all head to the beach after.” Under his arm you were led back inside to wash your face and have Norma’s smile spread at the calming act for her to play specialist to your beauty regimen. Nerves however would have to be set aside as you all laid down with your adoring husbands for the nap to bring you closer to the premier.

Only you and Norma had seats so special care from the others came in help to get the pair of you ready to ease into the car that came to carry you there and back again for the premier. Dolled up to the nines in a wave of flashes you exited the car and stepped aside with hands smoothed down over the skirt of your dress for Norma’s exit after. Down along the carpet you strolled at her side ignoring the waft of your loose curls pulled back on one side the breeze kept blowing about your face and chest no matter how many times you brushed them back. A plot to keep you set apart even more from Norma on her big day who had her every curl secured in place in an elegant bun and while she did her bits of press you stood aside and happily mingled with the other members of the cast who had finished their turns.

Nerves however did not wane and with hold of her hand Norma’s confidence was bolstered enough to settle into your chosen seats for the opening speech from the Producer and Director that was followed by the start of the film. All through up to the minor line that she gave that had her grip tighten on your arm and remain so until the credits rolled and in the rise of the lights a brief after luncheon was called for. Compliments and talks from the heads of 20th Century about her next picture they had lined up for her to audition for once this assumed once off film Stark had wrangled them into allowing her to play a large part of had her a bit deflated when she returned to your side even against the peaceful grin on her face.

“You want me to punch them?” You asked making her giggle and loop her arms around yours again.

“They have another walk on bit for me in a musical comedy with the Marx Brothers they want me to audition for after we get back to New York.”

You nodded and said, “Well I’ll just have to keep writing stories for Stark so he can keep giving you things to sink your teeth into won’t I?” You teased widening her smile. And sweetly you patted your free hand on her arm, “They’ll learn Jeanie, nowhere near just another bombshell blonde they can bop around in the background. Audiences will be gnawing at the bone to get a better look at you. Just the beginning.”

“You are an amazing writer, truly, you should keep it up.”

“I just might, Howard’s last call just about had him asking for one, I can feel it. And with my wild dreams no telling what my head can come up with. Just as long as I don’t have to sing or play in the next one,” you said making her giggle again.

“You singing made that scene. You will see when it comes out.”

“As long as it helps with the press to get more in those seats to see my treasured younger sister,” you said making her giggle with you, “Then I will take a stroll across a scene in whatever film I can to help.”

Playfully her mood shifted and remained upbeat until back at the beach house the pair of you washed your faces and changed into two piece swim suits matching Dawn’s in complimenting bright colors to help carry the babies out to go and play. Across the sand towels were laid inside of a fitted sheet held out by your shoes with a large umbrella set up for the babies to be in the shade with the brothers. Just beside the towels Teddy giggled as you helped him build a sand kingdom with a moat of water Eddie brought from the ocean in a bucket to Norma and Dawn’s gleeful trip into the water.

A curious sound turned your head to the beach making you ask, “What is that?” James’ head turned as you asked, “Do you guys hear that?” And over the wind, the waves, distant chatter of photographers creeping in for pictures and giggles from your sisters in helping their daughters to their first steps into the ocean they too heard the odd sound of shifting sand.

Victor said, “Sounds like a cracking and scraping.”

“There are heart beats,” you said and shifted closer to the source of the sound with Eddie behind you.

“Couldn’t be sea turtles this time of day, could it?” Victor asked James who shrugged.

“It’s cool enough, almost sunset here in an hour.” He replied.

Teddy between you and his dad’s arms poked his head and gasped at the sudden sink of a small circle of sand. Gradual progress was made as you accepted hold of your camera from Victor who had been snapping pictures of the four at the water now on their way back when he called for them. Gasps sounded at the first head and in a gradual flurry of heads and front flipper arms that came into view the first of near to a hundred hatchlings filled the circle of sand around their entrance to this world. “Ooh, got you little guy,” James said in a reach down to bring out the one still in the hole who had gotten stuck on his back to join his siblings all focused on discovering their bearings. “There you go,” he said with a smile lowering it down after you snapped a picture of the duo.

A few random gulls were easily swayed by the bits of your picnic left over thrown a good distance and arms used to shoo them away from the tiny parade to the ocean ending in bittersweet cuddles at the somehow profound loss of these tiny newfound friends now out in the wide unexplainable ocean. Teddy broke the silence asking, “Where’s their Mommy and Daddy?”

Eddie said as he lifted his son in his arms, “They’re out there, Teddy Bear. Don’t you worry, they know where their babies are, bound to have tons of food to make up for the long crawl back to them.”

Victor said, “They lay the eggs on the beach so they’ll be nice and safe until time for them to hatch. Most of the time it happens at night, when it’s nice and cool and most of the birds are away at their nests.”

Eddie said, “Let’s finish up this city of yours, Teddy Bear.” Turning back while you stayed with Norma and Dawn and their girls at the water a few moments to James and Victor’s slip back to the shade across the towels.

James hummed sweetly, “Let’s get you girls back in the shade.” Not much longer you lounged with your head on James’ lap to play with your girls and under a spare towel leaned against his chest feed the three as Victor claimed his proud task of capturing more candid moments of his family then claimed a turn with his Petal in the water as Norma came to lay out beside you. Sure to rival the images that would be splashed over the pages of newspapers and magazines for weeks to come dissecting every moment of this trip and more especially for the newspapers that you couldn’t have possibly been pregnant with three children so recently without having had some sort of surgical procedure to get your figure back.

.

The remainder of your weekend allowed you to steal some time with Victor and his dark room and a private dinner alone with James as a sort of date night on your own after crowded and cramped traveling. Time together was one of his main concerns after having gotten you on your feet and the girls onto a schedule so that in the long run as they grew older and things grew more complicated when the trio were fully mobile and had the chance to let their free will grow. A day both aspired for and anxiety inducing for when they could drive you both apart to keep them contained and only let you find each other at the end of the day to collapse in a joint heap of exhaustion to recharge for the following day.

He had to make certain he wouldn’t let his love for the children you would gift him cloud his daily need to remind you just how deeply he loved and cherished you. He had faced those rough patches with his first wife and hoped to avoid that, knowing how it hurt his son and himself, that was unacceptable to allow to happen again. Not with you. Victor had made it clear there was no chance of this marriage breaking apart, he’d sooner face death than to repeat his former mistakes and hurt his family as he had in the past. And while a dinner alone on a blanket under the stars didn’t seem like much every shift closer to him and grip of his shirt and ample stolen kisses let him know it was amply desired from you as well.

.

Tests with Mr Yarbrough came again on Monday for History, Geography and Religion, which again you aced and after he was amused to hear from Teddy the swarm of turtle hatchlings you backed up with pictures to prove the encounter. Tuesday on campus again came with repeats of the news of turtles that a few relatives from America had mailed pictures of the hatch related part of your beach trip that had your family played as true nature lovers. Excitement had burst with news of the premier and each chance capable questions were asked about the cast members and famous people you had mingled with while there. And Wednesday brought the end of June with more tests at home from your tutor Mr Fenske for Economics, Government, Political Science, and Anthropology, all your major serious subjects with thicker exam packets that the results for the final two would have to be named for you at the following week’s tutoring session.

Thursday came with the final stop on campus that came with buzz from not just fellow students but your family as Sunday was your birthday. A day that began with a family birthday breakfast followed by a party with the whole town that showed up to your home proud to spend the after noon with their dear friends and admire the new girls added to your family. Girls who amongst the toddlers in your family and those of families in town were glad to have the change to increase of children to play with.

Sharp cries however cut short the tries to get an early night’s sleep and with Herc you tried to calm the elder three toddlers who squirmed and writhed in pain against your efforts while James and Victor were sent into a near tailspin of panic and needed to take a long walk outside.

“It’s chicken pox,” you echoed in their minds calming the duo enough to come back inside to find the trio slightly more relaxed after being given some medicine for their fevers and to help them sleep.

And when they entered Victor came over to take hold of his precious Petal from your hold as you answered another call from some of the parents in town to warn of their children who had caught the unfortunate bug. “Come here precious.” He said nestling her slumbering body into his chest to pepper the top of her head with kisses between muttered comments to her every irritated slumbering grumble.

Dawn in her path from the kitchen had a familiar set of pocket journals in hand, “I’ve added chicken pox to the bug books. The triplets are still symptom free?” She asked eyeing Elliot, Sarah and Erich feeding them with the bottles you had pumped in the cooling baths you had made for the sick three.

Erich answered, “No symptoms, sleeping soundly. Jaqi didn’t catch her pox until she was over a year.”

Sarah answered, “It’s from the milk, babies are safe if their mother’s have the antibodies already until they pass their first year.” A fact that calmed James and had him move in to kiss their heads and circle back to comfort Victor as Eddie swayed on his own feet keeping hold of Teddy as he nodded off to his own dose of medicine. Herc after another check of Marigold’s temperature from her armpit had him contently handing her over to Dawn again and accepting the books reading the marked down cases of colic or diarrhea up to the few shots available for infants and even Teddy’s teeth coming in to not miss a single illness of any severity.

“Unfortunately like the common cold our medicines don’t do much to dent this illness. However Erich was able to aid us with how Jaqi reacted to the illness so we have a good idea on how this could unfold. Compared to how mortals experience it fairly easily. There is a ten day window of no to few symptoms then the bumps arrive that baths and ointment can mend.”

Victor said, “I’m not sleeping for two weeks then.”

And you crossed the room to stroke his back, “We’re all here to watch the babies Kitty.”

Victor said, “You need to get some sleep. You calmed my Petal down, thank you.”

“It’s an unsettling wait, but it’s fairly easy to get over, we’ve got plenty of oats and baking soda for the baths and we can make fruit popsicles if they get some in their mouths like Gina’s boys did.”

He simply cuddled more around her and nodded his head to the side urging you to bed, a gesture you sighed and turned to reluctantly head to bed as your girls were being carried back to the nursery to get some sleep.

.

“Here you are my dear,” Edie said pouring your tea in the morning an hour after breakfast that had almost lulled you back to sleep in wait for your tutor. With a smile she watched you unfold from your uncomfortable ball in the armchair of your choice lined up perfectly in a stream of sunlight stating, “Rather a rough night. I shall aid in the baths when the bumps arrive, I apologize for missing the fevers, the most frightful part.”

You shook your head, “Around the Brocks I have seen more pox than I could have dreamed possible. If I couldn’t tell them apart I’d say one of them had caught it twice.” You said making her chuckle in your sip on the tea to help perk you up.

“At least you have tons of practice. In my own youth I was surrounded by ample children myself. Some mothers can be rather frightened with their first child, I was rather at home with Erik’s colic to his worst fits or growth.”

“James handled it rather well compared to what I assumed for the first big illness.”

“Your parents agree, the brothers did bear through the pain rather well. Victor did sleep, more proof there. A few more fevers and I do believe he will calm from his panics.”

After another sip you replied in a soft sigh, “I wish I could do more.”

“You are,” she answered luring your eyes to her. “You aid in mothering his daughter while her mother is away. He is not alone in fatherhood. That is a great comfort more than you realize I would wager.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t want to come with us?” You said widening her smile.

“My son is strong and shall be safe under your watch. No mother wishes to release their child upon adulthood, and I could wonder how difficult it should be when to release your trio.”

“It’s eighteen years away, I would say, though shockingly my husband has been in my life for six years already. Numbers cannot be a comfort there. Have to let go before I know it. I should probably try to not think about that too often. Might start to make me sad for no reason when I’m back in school and they keep growing while I’m away.”

“They are always growing, away or in front of your eyes. We shall bear it together. You guard my boy and I shall help to guard yours in the summers and winter breaks. My work keeps me rather busy while we are apart.”

Tutoring came rather easily and somehow free of yawns thanks to the tea and a few stolen snacks and let loose a bit of work time that in the library was free of visitors Erik jumped at the chance to claim the seat across from you. Back into his own borrowed textbooks from your courses he wished to sign up for this year he delved with a few questions asked and answered for him until the eventual dip of your head that had him chuckle and scoop you up to carry you to your room for a much needed nap until supper. Another feeding however woke you as your parents settled around you to hold the girls until the trio were nursed by you fully, both who smiled at each drowsy droop of your eyes in slow waking still from the nap then helped to get you up to take a few laps inside your wing to stir your body and mind.

The nap however did fuel a change between you and James, him who required an early trip to bed for his exhausted self that allowed you and Victor, with hold of his daughter still, to get the surprise cake for James ready. Still he refused to leave her to sleep alone and only let her go to steal brief naps in hold of Herc or one of your parents if James was not himself awake. “I am doing better,” Victor said turning your head as you mixed the cake batter to pour into the readied pan for it. “I am, thank you. Nora called earlier about in tears she’s missing it. Comforting her, calming her pain helped to show how much better it feels knowing you’re here for support. I didn’t take to the fever as terribly as I thought I would. Had a hunch I might need to break something, but Herc says Petal’s strong.”

“Just doesn’t seem fair at times,” you said parting his lips as you sniffled and poured the mix into the pan to keep distracted from crying, “Just because I’m here now, why she’s safe and why they weren’t. Why you had to lose two of your babies, why I could heal Teddy but I couldn’t help Ambrose when she lost one of her babies.”

That had him draw you into his chest and kiss your forehead closing his eyes to the tear he felt soak through his shirt when you hugged him as firmly as you could around his hold of his slumbering daughter. “None of that is on you. Herc says my babies are ready to come back to me,” your head tilted back to peer up at him and he nodded, “So if we do have another baby, they would be able to come back, in safer times. So don’t you cry over our past sufferings. Look forward with us. We have days of suffering through oatmeal baths to come yet.” He said making you shake your head and inch back to finish pouring the mixture into the pan you then added to the warmed up oven to bake.

“Funny, very funny. It’s like a lit fuse, now I’ll have to wait a year or more for our girls to catch it as well, no telling how many more babies Dawn would have had by then,” you said making him chuckle. “I would say Jeanie,”

“She has work, we are pacing ourselves on babies. Her figure is important to the company and she hoped to at least have Petal talking full sentences before we tried again without sleeves.”

“At least you have a plan,” you said moving to mix up the icing next. “I was on the pill and we used sleeves, still, triplets. And people say God has no sense of humor.” Making him chuckle. “Hopefully we can wait a few years at least, have me into my graduate courses a good way. Maybe just one that time, or twins if I’m destined to only have multiples, maybe this time I can work in a few pushes in labor.”

“There was nothing wrong about your labor. Two day standoff is nothing to shake a stick at and you know it. Most women would have begged to be knocked out or to be sliced open by the first dawn.”

“I know. I suppose, going against the grain is going to be painful. Missed moments, while I study or, write or, take pictures and work on our comics.”

“It takes a village. We will make time, the girls won’t be left wanting by you or anyone else. Promise,” he said and you nodded again, “You chase those dream degrees of yours and you could do anything, on any schedule. Could even work from home if you got the right deal going. Jimmy and me know, we missed time working on our degrees and licenses, and we got paid more for it and our babies were better taken care of while we had them. You have to lay down the foundation first, can’t just drop a bridge in the middle of the ocean, they don’t float very well.”

“I think I found the next quote for another throw pillow for your parlor,” you said making him smirk your way.

“Looking forward to it.” Cake with breakfast was a welcome surprise and sampled to be saved partly for lunch with you when you had returned home to spend the rest of his birthday exactly how he wished it with the women of his life. That company alone was the greatest gift he could have ever received and ever would.

Pt 78

All –

@sherala007​, @mariannetora​​, @jesgisborne​, @knitastically​, @catthefearless​​, @theincaprincess, ggbbhehe4455, @lilith15000​​, @alishlieb​​,

Not nsfw(smut) - @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​

X Marvel-Cast - @himoverflowers​, @theincaprincess​​

Brother Dearest - @thorinanddwalinsdwarrowdam​​, @swoopswishsward

#James Howlett x oc #Victor Creed x Norma Jeane #Eddie Brock x OC #Venom #Edie and Erik Lehnsherr #Chicken Pox #Old Memories #Marvel #Surprise Birthday Cake

[apossessionadaybreak]

Halloween Special

Gary looked up from the TV just in time to see his son come out from his room for what was probably the fifth time that day to stare intently at him. He supposed this was some sort of new-age method of showing disapproval. He had to admit, it was a little unnerving, but someone had to be the disciplinarian.

“Ryan, I know you’re bored but you’re grounded for good reason and you know it. Just because it’s Halloween tonight doesn’t mean you can go around egging and TPing people’s houses, especially not poor old Mr. Quille. You know that he can’t get around so easily anymore.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say dad.” 

Gary heard the sounds of shuffling feet and the slamming of a door. He sighed again.

Shaking his head to himself, he was about to turn his attention back to his programme only to be distracted by a stab of light coming from the table.

He turned, annoyed, to the source, only to find himself staring at a book. He looked quizzically at it for a moment, before abruptly recalling it was a gift from Mr. Quille from when he had gone over to talk about Ryan’s atrocious behaviour. ‘No hard feelings,’ as the man himself had put it. It was a sleek, leather-bound volume that seemed to be coated in some sort of reflective black material. He had never seen a book so… shiny before. Hell, it was probably brighter than his car parked alongside the sidewalk. Curious, he picked it up and was taken aback by how heavy it was. It felt nice though, as he weighed it in his palms, smooth and luxurious. He searched the cover for the title but could only make out the embossed shape of a ghost, the kind of shapeless blob malls usually sold during this time of year as a decoration. It looked amateurish compared to the rest of the item but somehow he couldn’t help but feel drawn by it.

He caught himself staring into the circles which represented the eyes for a bit too long before he realised he was sitting ramrod straight and the hairs on his arms were standing on end. He chuckled nervously to himself as he looked around the room but he was alone, naturally. A book of ghost stories it seemed, he used to devour these as a kid. Maybe Mr. Quille had thought Ryan would enjoy reading through them, though why he would think that, Gary couldn’t say. He cracked it open to reveal brand new, bone-white pages. He paused, up till now he had assumed that it had been an old possession of Mr. Quille’s, maybe some relic from his childhood. Yet, everything seemed to be pointing to the contrary. With his curiosity mounting, he settled down for a good read. He turned and plumped up the cushions, figuring he’d flip through a story or two. He flicked the pages at random, as images, clearer and more vibrant than he had ever envisioned began to form in his mind…

Blood Ties

The package on the doorstep was soft and shapeless but Saul still couldn’t help but feel threatened by it. It didn’t make any sense, the amount of anxiety he felt towards this inanimate object. No label, no card.  Just plain, waxy, brown paper. He didn’t know why he felt so worried, it was probably a gift from a friend, or perhaps some long-lost family member?

He pondered still, for a few minutes more, wondering why he was wondering so much about it, before finally gritting his teeth and ripping open the wrapping. He stared at the contents for a moment before bursting out in laughter at his own foolishness. The package he had been so worried about simply contained some pieces of what looked to be a formal suit. A… very expensive one at that. The strange, unsettling feeling crept in again. He shook his head, he wondered what his forefathers would have thought of him, losing his mind over clothing of all things. Saul did his best to maintain his composure as he unfolded it, holding it up against his own body. Whoever sent this package definitely seemed to know him. If he didn’t know any better he’d have said it was tailor-made for him but that was a ridiculous idea, wasn’t it?

He tried the shirt on first, marvelling at the smooth, buttery feel of the fabric. He relished the effortless way his knuckles slid along the length of the sleeve, so flawless was the craftsmanship. If it didn’t feel so good to wear it, he might have been more creeped out by how well it wrapped around him, how nicely it sat on his chest and shoulders. He struck a pose in front of the mirror, smiling in spite of himself. Did he look paler than usual? Maybe he hadn’t been getting enough sun lately. He shuddered at the thought.

The rest of the suit was just as exquisite, if not more. With each new article of clothing, Saul could feel his incredulity and enjoyment growing in equal parts. Whatever suspicions he had had evaporated as he savoured the act of dressing himself. He felt, no, he knew he was irresistible in all this finery. Dressed like this, he’d be able to charm the pants off of anyone, everyone. He stopped to take a look at himself in the mirror again, taking a moment to fish his heavy pocket watch out of the vest. He smiled to himself as he checked his timing, he still had it… though what exactly he still had he couldn’t remember for the life of him. He didn’t know why such a thought had popped into his head, unbidden. He looked good no doubt but for the barest moment, he thought he had seen his face turn mean, the shadow of a split-second sneer. What was scarier was how he could feel some part of him was wishing for it to come back. He stared intently at his reflection in a mix of fear and reverence, almost daring it to act before him. It was only when he felt his gaze begin to blur until he could barely see anything anymore that he blinked himself back to reality.

At last, came the tie. He picked it up and let it flow across his open palm, admiring the red and gold fabric. It felt so small in his beefy hands. He hadn’t realised before today how built up he was but now he relished it, rolling his haunches as he appreciated his own width. Apparently sometimes a perfectly tailored suit helped you to appreciate yourself better, who could have guessed? He certainly knew he’d never be able to wear anything else after today, the material fit him as snugly as a second skin, made him feel powerful, in control. He wrapped it around his neck, letting it hang loosely over his frame. Bringing his hands up, he knotted it in one swift, practiced motion. So mesmerised was he with his own appearance, he barely even registered that his hands seemed to be moving of their own accord, tightening the knot until it felt like it was biting into his soft exposed neck. His eyelids drooped down, and then, darkness.

Saul laid on the floor for a few moments, blinking. He sat up and gave himself a once over, then did so a second time but he knew he’d be alright, he was himself now. He stood and looked at the mirror, smirking as he did so. No reflection, but he’d expected as much. He rolled his shoulders, and once again, ran his hands along the fabric, feeling his clothes, feeling himself. He ran his newly claimed tongue over his teeth, noting that they still retained the familial sharpness. 

It had been a long time since he had last fed. People generally didn’t respond well to his kind. He couldn’t blame them for driving him out of town and threatening to burn his estate. But that didn’t matter now. He had done what was necessary to survive. Anyone who might have known him was long dead by now and people in general had long forgotten that creatures like him even existed. The paperwork would arrive soon enough, for the great-grandson who shared his name. In time, he would return to his rightful home and resume his old life there. Until then, Saul Senior had a terrible thirst to quench… 

~~~~

Gary looked up from the book, a little stunned. He thought Mr. Quille had said that it was for Ryan as much as him, that ‘your son could learn a lot from it’. This certainly wasn’t a book he could describe as being educational to anyone, not with the contents thus far. He couldn’t deny he had enjoyed himself though. As creepy as the tale was, it had fired his imagination, filled his mind with vivid scenes in a way that he hadn’t experienced before. He looked at the words on the page, secretly replaying the pictures in his head, again, and again, and again. He turned the page and kept reading…

Halloween Spirit

“I told you already Cole, I’ll take you trick or treating later-”

“But Dad, it’s 5pm already! The streetlights are coming on and all the pumpkins have been lit…”

“Cole Alphonsus Daniels, for the last time, we’ll go out, when I say we go out. Is that clear?”

“...yes sir.”

“Good. Now find some way to entertain yourself while I finish work. After that we’ll hit the streets.” 

Cole scowled as his father ruffled his hair. He ducked to avoid any further displays of affection and found his way to the front yard to sit on the porch. Holding his head in his hands, he stared glumly as people had begun to fill the streets. He longed to join but here he was, confined to waiting for his dad. 

His gaze wandered, looking for something, anything, interesting to look at and found himself staring dead ahead at the pumpkin sitting on the fence. There was something weird about it, other than the way it seemed to be evenly matching his gaze. Then it hit him, the pumpkin was unlit. Cole frowned, he thought he had made sure to get all of them earlier. He got up to light it, grabbing the candle from the lantern nearest to him. 

“Guess you’re missing out too huh, little guy?” He said as he waited for the wick to catch flame. He smiled as the pumpkin flickered to life.

“Well that’s you taken care of. Now if only my dad could hurry up and get out here.” The pumpkin flickered again. If Cole didn’t know better, he would have said it was winking at him. 

---

Gil Daniels tapped away at his keyboard, muttering to himself. He moved to open another document, glancing at the clock as he did so. Another hour before he planned to leave the house, plenty of time. He rubbed at his temples to try to alleviate some of his headache. Damn, he was getting old, if not in body, then in spirit. He picked up his mug and took a sip of coffee, leaning back in his chair as he did so. He licked his lips. The coffee sure tasted good today. Did Lauren do something special to it? He took another sip. Kind of like a pumpkin spice latte. Usually he hated those but this one tasted fresher somehow, more authentic. He closed his eyes and drank deeply, downing it in one go. He felt a warm glow permeate through his body, washing through every fibre of his being. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and smiled.

---

“Ready to go sport?” 

Cole jumped, nearly dropping the candle he was still holding. His father was standing in the doorway, beaming away, arms akimbo.

“Ye-yeah! Let me put this candle back.” He turned to the pumpkin he had just been talking to. “Did you do this?” The pumpkin stared merrily back at him but the flame held steady. “Well, if you did, thanks.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking to but I’m over here kiddo!” His father laughed as he spoke, a loud, hearty, chuckle. He took the candle from Cole as he approached and set it back in the original pumpkin. He turned to Cole, with mischief in his eyes.

“Race you to the next house.” Cole watched with wonder as his dad set off on a brisk jog. He giggled and dashed ahead of him, heading straight for the neighbour’s door, and rang the doorbell thrice for good measure.

“Beat you dad!” Cole laughed as his father saluted his victory. 

“What’s all this then?” Cole turned to the source of the harsh new voice and his smile wilted. He had forgotten about the cranky old man who lived here. He opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. He felt a reassuring hand clapped onto his shoulder and turned to see his dad.

“Pardon my son’s enthusiasm, we’re trick or treating for Halloween. Surely you understand?” He said, reaching his hand out. Cole watched as the old man initially jerked backwards, ready to slam the door shut but the instant his dad grabbed onto him, he stopped. The old man closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them with a wide smile. 

“Of course, of course, wait here, I’ll be only a moment.” The old man winked at Cole and walked back into the house, ostensibly to fetch some candy. Cole smiled warily back at him. Once he was out of earshot, Cole turned to his father.

“That was… kind of weird.”

His father shrugged good-naturedly.

“Seems the holiday spirit is particularly infectious today.” He said with a grin.

~~~~

Gary felt his head snap up as he finished the last word. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been reading for but it suddenly felt like it must have been hours. He looked at the TV to check the clock but was greeted by a black screen. When had he switched it off? He turned to his watch, still early in the afternoon, as evidenced by the sunlight streaming in through the windows. He wasn’t sure why he was so concerned about the time, it wasn’t as if he was going to go anywhere, he needed to take care of Ryan at home. Mr. Quille had told him as much. ‘A boy needs his father.’ He found himself nodding along in agreement, before realising how silly he must have looked to anyone watching. Thankfully Ryan was still in his room. Besides, he was really getting into a reading groove now, he looked back down as he turned the page, eager for the next story…

Bared Souls

Bernard was running. He wished that he knew where he was moving to but he knew that didn’t matter as much as staying on the move. He’d gone too deep into the forest this time and now there was a bear chasing after him. He knew his chances weren’t good but what choice did he have? He threw cautionary glances behind him every now and then, hoping the beast would get bored and wander off but he couldn’t be sure, so he kept running.

As his lungs began to scream for oxygen and his legs threatened to give out, he slowed down and thrust his hand against a thick tree trunk for support. He tried to steady his breathing, not quite willing to look around just yet. Either he had lost the bear, or he’d be overtaken in seconds due to exhaustion. He closed his eyes, hoping against hope it was the former. After a few minutes of not being mauled to death, he allowed himself a cautious look around. No bear, thank goodness. But… no signs of civilisation either. He frowned.

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire eh old boy?” He whispered to himself, trying to calm his nerves. He sat down and pulled his compass and map out, trying to get a sense of where he could go from here. Unfortunately he couldn’t see any landmarks near his position. He tried to stand up but sat back down almost immediately, his head spinning. He knew he’d probably find his way out with enough time but it suddenly occurred to him that he was very, very, very tired. He leaned against the tree trunk, figuring he’d rest his eyes for just a few minutes. Just a few minutes, that’s all… 

---

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was how much darker it was. Cursing his own foolishness, he stood up, alert, and angry with himself. Grumbling, he pulled out his compass and map again, squinting as best as he could in the fading light. Then he heard a growl. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. The growl came again, louder this time. He swung around, cursing under his breath, trying to locate the source of the noise. With the third and loudest growl yet, he bolted off in the opposite direction, fleeing for his life. 

He ran until he once again could not run anymore. He looked around even as he panted for breath. More trees, still no sign of where he could be. With the sunlight rapidly fading, it was looking like he’d have to spend the night in the woods. How could he have been so ill-prepared? He’d be lucky not to freeze to death. That was, if the bears didn’t find him first. He walked with one hand outstretched, as the woods grew darker still. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to find, if anything. He just kept putting one foot in front of the other. 

Then the growling started again. Bernard grit his teeth, trying not to scream out in frustration and despair. This time he didn’t even have the slightest idea where it had come from. It was as if it had sounded all around, or maybe even from inside him. Insanity had come for him it seemed. He tilted his head, straining his ears, begging them to help him pick out which direction the bear was. He could scarcely trust his own senses as the growling began to fade away. Bernard breathed easily for a few moments. He turned his head to the front, only to find himself face to face with the bear.

He yelped out in fright, before he even realised he should not have been able to see anything in the darkness, let alone the bear. The bear did not blend in against the dark woods. Instead it glowed, brightly at that. Tendrils of light radiated off of its body and dissipated lazily into the air. The bear licked its nose, apparently entirely unbothered by Bernard or his palpable fear. It stepped closer and Bernard realised it made no noise as it moved. Even though he knew it made no sense, he could see through the bear. He could see the leaves it stepped on remain as scattered and unflattened as they were before. 

The bear tilted its head and yawned at him, before pawing the ground and walking past him. Bernard didn’t realise he was holding his breath until the bear turned to look at him. Incredulous, he watched as the bear gestured with its head, twice. Follow me, it seemed to be saying. He stepped forward cautiously, shivering as he did so. Whether it was from the cold or fear, he couldn’t say. He stepped forward again, closer and closer, until he was directly alongside the bear.

And then the bear stepped into him.

Bernard stood stock still, certain he was going mad and seeing things. Yet, he could feel the bear as it continued to align itself against his flesh. Against all logic, he felt obliged to get on all fours so the bear could do so more comfortably. As the bear filled him, he felt a sense of extraordinary calm. His face twitched as he felt his senses heighten. New smells, new sounds, a completely different way of experiencing the world. He crawled forward, expecting to feel foolish, only to realise how natural his movements felt.

He broke into a running gait, as if he had known how to do so his entire life. His heart beat a steady thrum in his chest as he navigated the woods. It was all so simple, so obvious. How had he not realised it before? He headed easily through the winding roads, following the smells and clues towards where he knew humans would be. He ran for what must have been hours but not once did he grow tired. He felt alive, more than he had ever known throughout his years of existence. No need for fear, no sense of urgency, just purity of movement towards the goal that was emblazoned in his mind. 

He came to the edge of the woods as the solid darkness began to give way to a pale blue. Not that he had needed the light to make his way through the night. He arched his back and felt himself stand up straight. At the same time he felt as if something was slipping out of him. His senses dulled rapidly back to normalcy but now it was jarring and unfamiliar. He turned back to see the same radiant bear again. He looked towards the road, the one that would take him back to civilisation. After the night he had had, it would be nice to return back home to a warm shower and bed. Even as he thought of his modern comforts, he couldn’t help feeling that something was missing, that he’d remain forever incomplete if he walked out of these woods as he was now.

He turned to look at the bear again. This time, it was he who gestured with his head. Twice. The bear looked as impassive as ever and he worried for a moment that it would turn back into the woods. Then it stepped forward, until it was alongside him. This time, it was Bernard who stepped willingly into the waiting spirit, for now he knew what it was. Their bodies aligned once more, the two took a few tentative steps, before throwing their head back and roaring as one.

~~~~

Gary sat with the book open in his lap. He stared blankly at the ceiling as his lips parted ever so slightly. The book rose into the air but Gary made no sign that he was aware of it, or anything at all for that matter. The pages began to flip rapidly but even as they flapped in his face, they remained neat, uncreased, orderly. As they approached the ends of the book, the pages picked up speed until it snapped shut. Whatever enchantment it was under seemed to come to an end as the book began to fall to the ground, only to be caught by a thick, deft hand. Gary blinked, and smiled as he looked over the book once again. Gone was any design that might have been tattooed on it. The front and back were now identical smooth dark faces. He smiled to see his own name now written in bold gold lettering down the length of the spine. He popped the book open, to the page he knew the dedications would be written on. 

“To my neighbour, Gary, whose door is always open to me.”

Chuckling, he closed the book just as Ryan came out of the room.

“Hey Ryan.”

“Wha-uh, yeah dad?”

“Want to go trick or treating?”

“Uhhhhh, I thought I was grounded.”

“You still are mister but I can make an exception as long as you’re with me.”

Ryan looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes but the chance to get out of the house was too golden to pass up.

“...Ok, let me get changed.” Ryan said, before bounding back into his room, clearly eager to leave.

Gary smiled. He got up and stretched out his arms, flexing his fingers as he looked at them admiringly. He called out to Ryan.

“Let’s visit Mr. Quille next door first. I-uh, I mean he will be more than happy to see us, I should think.”

#daddy bear #bear #beard #suit #male possession #halloween #dad #father #object possession #clothes possession #vampire #jack-o-lantern #werebear #long story #frame story

[soapsilly]

Not him - Tom Holland x Reader

Pairings: Tom Holland x reader; (slight Post Malone x reader)

Summary: (Y/N) and Tom got together on the set of Spider-Man. But the relationship doesn’t work out the way both of them had hoped for. What happens when (Y/N) gets over Tom faster than he would like? How will they act when they first see each other again in person on set for the new movie when neither of them can let go of their resentment?

Requests are open!

I guess, you could label this as Angst? Eventhough I don’t think it’s that angsty. I’m also terrible at writing summaries. Also, for the new love interest I chose Post Malone, because I needed a celebrity in the same age range as the main characters and also I’m kinda obsessed with him at the moment, so sorry if he’s not everyone’s type. However, this isn’t about him, so sorry if I didn’t exactly nail his personality.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you being serious?”, (Y/N) questioned her boyfriend. She couldn’t believe what she just heard.

“Here we go again”, Tom said rolling his eyes, “yes, I am serious”

(Y/N) chose to ignore that little dig at her but instead continued, “So, you’re seriously planning to move her in?”

“What am I supposed to do? Do you expect me to put her on the streets?”

“I expect you to at least talk to me about it!”

“I have known her for ages. There was no point in discussing it. She nedded a place to stay and I offered. End of story. She’s one of my closest childhood friends! Can we please not fight about this? Please? You’re leaving to shoot soon. You won’t even notice she’s here.”

"I don’t want to fight with you, love. But she’s a childhood friend that you told me you were in love with for the longest time! That I’m leaving makes it worse actually. Besides, you already spend the majority of your time with her. Do you really have to move her in now, too?”

It was true, Melanie was one of Tom’s oldest friends back in London. They grew up in the same neighbourhood and shared the same friend group. And he was crushing on her hard when he was younger.

“So you conveniently ignore that I hang out with all my old friends?”, Tom was getting more and more annoyed now. What was her problem?

“You can’t seriously expect me to spend all my time with you! I’m gone for so long at a time. Let me just spend some time with my people!”, Tom grew frustrated now.

“Your people... You spend all your free time with your people! And I’m at home going to bed alone almost every night. Why did you even ask me to come stay with you here, when you just leave me all the time?”, she was close to tears now. She felt lonely.

“I’m beginning to ask myself the same question. What has gotten into me?”

(Y/N) was quiet for a moment. That stung. The world knew Tom as that silly goofball, which he was - most of the time at least. But he could also be a proper bastard if he wanted to.

The girl took a deep breath.

“Listen, I understand that you want to help your friend but I just wished for you to talk to me first before you made that decision”, she continued much calmer now.

But Tom was having none of it. He was fired up now and annoyed by his girlfriend’s constant nagging.

“(Y/N)! How am I supposed to talk to you when you get so overly emotional all the time? You’re so fucking sensitive!”

“So you don’t talk to me at all? What kinda logic is that? Tom look at us. We’re fighting. Again. I can’t remember the last time we had a nice evening together. I can’t remember the last time we slept with each other...”

“You’re being dramatic. It hasn’t been that long”

“It has, too!”

“What do you want me to do? You’re smothering me! Of course I’d rather spend time with Mel. She’s not nagging me all the damn time!”

This was the first time he admitted to it. 

Both of them stood still, facing each other.

“(Y/N)-”, Tom started but (Y/N) just held up her hand, effectively silencing him.

“Tom. Have you cheated on me with Melanie?”

“What? Of course not! (Y/N) I love you. Nobody else. I wouldn’t do that to you”, he tried to reassure her. Suddenly he felt bad for what he said.

“Have you thought about it? Even for just a second?”

“(Y/N), please...”, he pleaded with her.

“I’m leaving”

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few months since (Y/N) left Tom. He still felt bad for how their last fight ended and he was sure that if he hadn’t gotten so fired up, she’d still be there with him.

Tom asked her to stay, pleaded even, when she was picking up her stuff from all over his apartment. But after the logistics of separating where figured out neither of them talked to the other. (Y/N) made it clear to him, that she wasn’t interested in talking anymore. It was hard for him to accept and move on. He’d struggle to keep his mind off of his ex-lover. There were so many things that reminded him of her - so many things that he didn’t even realize before. The smell of coffee for example.

Eventhough, it was hard for Tom, his friends kept his mind occupied for long enough to relax a little and have some fun. None of them knew about the reason for their split. He told everybody it just didn’t work out between them. Only Harrison and his brothers knew the real reason of what happened. Only they saw him struggle. 

The shooting for the next Spider-Man movie would start soon, so he’d be scheduled to give some interviews. All the tabloids were of course hoping Tom would give out secret details about the movie; that they’d be the first ones to report.

“Mornin’ Mate, how’re things today?” Harrison asked his friend, when they first arrived at the car that would get them to the interview place his management had organized.

“Actually, things are great, Haz! I think today is going to be good”, Tom answered truthfully. He was looking forward to today. There was no trace of any struggle on his face. No thoughts were spent on (Y/N) since Tom woke up this morning.

Harrison was glad. He wished for his best friend to move on and be happy again.

Tom was sitting in an empty room, lost in his thoughts after several hours of interviews, when a women in a grey blazer entered the room. 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Holland”, she greeted him.

Tom was pulled back to reality.

“Good afternoon, pleasure to meet you. You can call me Tom by the way”, he greeted back. 

The women continued to set up the interview. What followed were several different variations of the same questions he had already answered throughout the day. 

While Tom enjoyed talking about his new movies, getting the same questions over and over again was getting a little boring. However, he had managed to not spoil a single thing about the movie, which he was immensely relieved about.

“So, the character of Felicia Hardy or maybe better known as Black Cat was introduced to the Spider-Man universe in the last movie. (F/N) (L/N) did an amazing job portraying her and the audience loved the new character”

Here we go again. 

Tom already knew this was coming. Every interviewer so far asked about (Y/N) and him. But he was prepared.

“Yes, (Y/N) really is an amazing actress. I’m happy I was given the chance to work with her”

 “So, you and Miss (L/N) started dating on set of the last movie but a few months ago you announced your split on social media. Last movie’s post credit scene suggested she’d be part of the new movie aswell. What do you expect returning on set, considering the current circumstances ?”, the woman continued.

Tom took a deep breath. He’s done this before.

“The split was amicable. When we realized the relationship wouldn’t work out, we mutually decided we’re better off as friends”  

Lie.

“So you two are still in contact?”

“Yes, of course. We are both busy with our schedules but we both keep in contact regularly”  

Lie.

“That’s amazing. So there won’t be any hard feelings on set”, she concluded.

“No, of course not. I’m really looking forward to seeing her again in person”  

Somewhat the truth. 

“You are one of the hottest singles on he market right now. We are dying to know: Is there anybody that has  caught your eye yet? Seeing as lately (Y/N) has been seen getting cozy with rapper Post Malone..”

WTF??

Tom tried to not show his reaction to the newly found information. He awkwardly denied having his eye on anyone at the moment and they wrapped up the interview.

Tom was grateful that that was the last interview of the day. As soon as the lady left, he stormed over to Harrison, who was just as shocked as he was. He was already on his phone searching for evidence for the lady’s claims.

“Is it true?”, Tom asked his friend.

“Seems like it...”, Harrison showed the actor his phone. A picture of (Y/N) and Post Malone outside of a restaurant, holding hands lit up his phone screen.

Tom grabbed the phone and swiped further and further. There were a few more pictures of them together. Holding hands, snuggling -  even one picture that showed them kissing.

For a second he felt a myriad of emotions cascading down upon him.

Shame. Anger. Sadness.

On one hand he felt embarrassed that he was mourning after their relationship while she was already out in the field dating around. On the other hand he felt angry. Did their relationship mean nothing to her? Was he not important to her?

And on a whole other hand he felt sad. He didn’t know what he expected but maybe there was still a little hope within him that they could get together again once the shooting would start.

But at the same time there was doubt lurking in the back of his mind. He always knew there was a discrepancy between him and her. While he was always more goofy and childlike, she was more grunge and edgy. Of course, it didn’t help that she was constantly fangirling over the musician. 

“I love a man with a clear aesthetic” is what she used to say. And who had a clearer aesthetic than Post Malone? Next to him he felt like a slice of untoasted white bread. 

“Tom?”, Harrison saw his friend spiraling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”, Tom exclaimed. 

Lashing out on the ones he loved seemed to be a recurring theme with him lately.

Harrison pulled up his his hands in surrender.

“Calm down, mate. I didn’t know either”

Tom left to wait in the car. He was awfully quiet for the remainder of the day.

So much for today being good...

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few weeks since Tom started shooting. As the main actor he had to be on set before anybody else did. (Y/N) arrived a few weeks later, Black Cat was not yet one of the main characters, so there was no need for (Y/N) to be there from the beginning. 

Tom didn’t sleep well the night before (Y/N) was supposed to arrive. He has neither seen her nor talked to her since she left his apartment all those months ago. He was worried as to how to interact with her.

When Tom finally arrived on set, she was already there, chatting with Zendaya. The two of them hit it off immediately when they first met during the first movie.

When Zendaya saw Tom she grew quiet. Of course, she knew about their split but she didn’t know how he would react to seeing her for the first time after it. And she would’ve much preferred to not be present during their first meeting.

(Y/N) stopped mid-sentence and followed Zendaya’s gaze meeting Tom’s eyes, who was standing like a deer in the headlights. Eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape.

“Excuse me for a moment”, (Y/N) told her friend and made her way over to her ex-lover.

“Hello, Tom”

“Hey..”, Tom was unsure what to say.

“How’re ya? Everything good?”

She always did this. Asked how somebody was and already suggested the answer to go with.

“Yeah I’m good. And you? How’re you?”, he asked her back eventhough he already know what she was gonna answer. He just knew her like that.

“You know.. It is what it is”, she shrugged, but sent him a wink after that.

They chatted for a few more minutes about how excited she was to start shooting again, but never about anything deeper.

He didn’t ask her about her new relationship. She didn’t ask him about Melanie.

Then they parted again.

*******************************************************************************************

“You again?”, Peter in his Spider-Man suit swung onto the roof, where Felicia was tinkering around.

“Hello, Spider”, the Black Cat greeted him without looking up.

“You know? I’m actually kind of on a date right now, so maybe we could settle this quick and easy?”, Peter suggested, knowing that Michelle was waiting just at the other side of the street. When Karen notified him of an attempted break-in, he made up a quick excuse and left her standing.

The girl straightened up and started to circle Peter slowly.

“Is that your girl down there? She’s cute. I wouldn’t let her wait if I were you”, she pointed towards where Michelle was standing, looking around for Peter.

Peter furrowed his brows underneath his mask.

“Nice suit by the way”, she commented further. She only wore some black combat boots, a pair of pants, a crop top and  a tighter top underneath. All black of course. The only thing that would ever even suggest she wasn’t just an ordinary girl were the black mask she was wearing and the devices on both of her wrists, that her claws and other similar gadgets were attached to.

“I, myself, prefer to not stand out as much. Not really a look you want to achieve... as a master thief, you know?”, she continued.

“You know? Someone once told me there’s usually not this much talking in a fight”, Peter told Felicia.

“Oh but we’re not fighting, silly”, she chuckled lowly. Something about her made Peter suspicious. What was she doing?

“Well, whatever it is what we are doing. I’m stopping you!”, Peter puffed his chest up.

“There’s no need, Spider. I already got what I want”, she showed him a stunning diamond collier dangling between her fingers, “do you think this suits me?” 

She held the necklace up to her cleavage, batting her eyelashes.

Peter de-puffed his chest. He seriously began to ask himself what they were even doing.

“Listen, I can get you back to your dimension. Just give me the necklace and come with me, Felicia. I can get you back home”, Peter tried to reason with her.

The Black Cat began walking again but stopped right behind him.

“Oh but why? I like it here. How are we going to have our little rendezvous when I’m gone, Peter”, she leaned in behind him and all but whispered his name in his ear.

For a while he was silence.

“CUT!”, the director yelled, “Tom, you missed your line”.

“Everything okay?”, (Y/N) whispered. 

But Tom was kinda shaken up. The Black Cat was less sexualized as she’d be in the comics. They were supposedd to be teenagers after all. But this was (Y/N). His (Y/N). He was okay acting with her but when she was so close to him that he could feel her breath tickling his ear, he froze up. His mind drew a blank and all he could do was stand there and wish that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

“Five minute break, everybody”, the director announced.

As everybody scattered around, (Y/N) made her way over to her ex-lover.

“Hey.. Tom, are you okay?”

“Yes, of course I’m okay!”, Tom was exasperated, “Everybody misses their line once in a while! Why is this such a big deal?”. Tom pulled his maks off.

“Okay, chill! I was just trying to make sure you’re okay. You looked shaken up. No need for you to lash out at me”, (Y/N) bit back and turned around to leave.

“Wait!”, Tom rubbed his hands over his face, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little frustrated but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you”.

(Y/N) furrowed her brows but nodded quickly after. She was never one to hold grudges.

“I care about you, Tom”

For a moment they just stood there before (Y/N) clapped her hands.

“So, let’s get our shit together and kill this scene”

*******************************************************************************************

After weeks of working together this all felt like the first time all over again. Jacob would often joke that the “gang was back together” and at times it really felt like that.

“Do you remember when Tessa literally shredded your briefs?”, (Y/N) was wheezing at that point, tears rolling down her face, smudging her mascara.

“Yes and those were literally my last clean pair. Do you remember? I just came back from the press tour”, Tom continued.

All of them burst out laughing. It was their first free evening in a while and the group decided to spend it together with a few drinks and lots of food. Both Zendaya and Jacob feared that it might be awkward having Tom and (Y/N) there together but there was no trace of any bitterness or any other kind of hard feelings. They just felt like friends hanging out together.

“Wait, this reminds me... You left your mermaid blanket at my place”

“Hm, I’ll come get it next time I’m in London”

“I mean you’re of course always welcome to swing by but I really doubt you’d want that blanket, love. Tessa kind of claimed it as hers. There is so much drool on it... you better just get a new one”, Tom told the girl, eventhough he liked the idea of her back in his apartment.

“Well, she can keep it”, (Y/N) chuckled. She did notice his use of the word ‘love’ but she didn’t mind. It felt organic coming from him, he was British after all.

After that the conversations shifted and the boys strarted their own little talks about video games and whatnot. (Y/N) and Zendaya just caught up further, talking about their projects, giving interviews and photoshoots.

It was at that moment that the music in the background changed to Circles by Post Malone.

“Soooo.. Post Malone, huh?”, Zendaya wiggled her eyebrows at her friend.

(Y/N) shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

“What can I say?”, (Y/N) really didn’t know.

“Maybe start with how you two met?”, Zendaya suggested, grinning. She was thirsty for some gossip.

At the mention of the new topic Tom perked up but tried to stay low-key.

“I mean we followed each other on social media for a while at this point but never talked or anything. However, me and him attended the same event a few months back. I guess, we recognized one another and started vibing. I asked him about that one shirt he was wearing in the ‘Go Flex’ music video and he made sure to dig it out of his closet and gave it to me. After that we just kept talking”, she tried to be nonchalant but it was apparent to the others that she was a little flustered.

“Awww, that’s so cute”, Zendaya reacted.

(Y/N) broke out grinning.

“You guys don’t realize how crazy talented he is. So fun to be around and creative, too. I’ve never met anybody that extravagant but at the same time so down to earth. Our first date was at an Olive Garden. Can you imagine? We freaking drove there in a Rolce Royce”, if this were anything other than real life, the girl would’ve had heart-eyes by now.

Tom had heard enough. He stood up abruptly.

“Anybody want another drink? I’ll get enother round”, he offered. He didn’t want to make a scene. He just needed to get away for a moment.

When he returned the topic of conversation had changed, which Tom was thankful for.

“Virgin Colada for you”, he handed (Y/N) her drink.

“And for the rest of us... The grown up drinks”, he teased (Y/N), who in return stuck her tongue out at him.

The evening was too nice to ruin it now with hurt feelings. She seemed happy and as long as he could just ignore Post Malone even existed in his sphere, he’d be alright.

*******************************************************************************************

It was a nice morning on set. Tom and (Y/N) already had an early scene that was set during sunrise, which meant they had to get up earlier than (Y/N) would’ve liked.

They were given a short break but catching up on sleep would mean getting out of their costumes and messing up their hair and make up. So, not an option really.

“I don’t operate well when I’m tired”, (Y/N) whined as she and an Tom returned to where the trailers were standing.

“M’lady, may I invite you for a cup of coffee? It might lift your spirits”, Tom bowed down but looked up at the girl with a cheeky grin.

“You realize the coffee is free, right?”, (Y/N) deadpanned.

Tom shrugged and both burst out laughing, bickering on their way to the catering.

The others were already there, when they arrived. But they were not just on their own. Next to Zendaya stood a  young man and a women, that seemed to be a little older than them.

“Morning, guys, how did your scene go?”, Jacob greeted the new arrivals.

“It’s been good. Too early though.. I mean if you ask me at least”, (Y/N) answered.

“How are you?”, Tom asked.

“Everything good?”, (Y/N) added.

“Can’t complain”, Zendaya answered, “let me introduce you to my family. This is my mom, Claire. And this is my brother, Austin”

Zendaya was grinning from ear to ear. 

They were around the halfway point of shooting, which was usually when people liked their friends and family to come around and visit them.

(Y/N) mimicked her friend’s smile and greeted the visitors. It was nice meeting the family behind the actors and creators.

While Tom was greeting Zendaya’s family, (Y/N) turned towards her with her eyebrows raised.

“Girl, your brother is mighty fine”, she not so subtly murmured.

“It must be nice to have your family here”, Tom turned to Zendaya.

“Yes, of course. I’ve missed them so much”, she squeezed her mothers hand, “do you have any visits arranged?”

“Uh, no. Not yet. But I do have a little while to go still”, he answered.

“(Y/N), you must be excited for next week, right?”, Jacob asked the actress.

“Why? What happens next week?”, Tom was puzzled.

“Austin is visiting”, (Y/N) informed him.

The Brit raised his eyebrows.

“You’re kidding right?”, he was looking around, waiting for someone to tell him this was just an unfunny joke.

“No, why would I be?”, his ex-girlfriend inquired.

“Because this is low, (Y/N). Really low even”, Tom grunted, “I need to get out of here”.

With that he left the group standing and stormed away.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t mean to stirr anything up”, Jacob scrambled for an apology. He didn’t mean to ruin the mood.

“No. Don’t feel sorry, Jacob. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around him. We are adults. I’ve moved on and he should too. Just give him a little time to calm down”, she assured him.

Then she turned towards the buffet had had her breakfast. 

The following week was a little strange. (Y/N) felt bad for Tom but she was so done with making apologies. 

The both of them still worked fine together but other than that they were a little distanced. They still talked and they still hung out as a group but whatever progress the two of them have made so far was out of the window. The tension, however, did help their fighting scenes together.

(Y/N) was sad about losing Tom as a friend but she also realized she couldn’t expect them to still be friends after she broke up with him. Being civil was enough for her -  at least for the moment.

*******************************************************************************************

(Y/N) was giddy on the morning Austin was suppsoed to arrive. She really did miss him and with the Tom situation going on, she felt especially estranged from  everything.

The musician arrived just as (Y/N) had finished her final scene for the day. She was still in costume but that didn’t stop her from sprinting over to her new boyfriend and clinging onto him.

“Austin!”, she squealed.

He engulfed her in a hug, swallowing her body completely. 

“I missed you”, he whispered into her neck. 

“Ahem...”

(Y/N) heard someone clear their throat from behind her. When she turned around, she saw Zendaya, Jacob and Tom waiting impatiently. In Tom’s case, however, he just looked more annoyed at the public display of affection.

“Don’t you want to introduce us?”, Zendaya suggested. She, too, was excited to meet Post Malone, who was one of the most successful musicians at the moment.

“Yes, of course. Austin, those are Zendaya, Jacob and Tom. Guys, this is Austin”, she introduced everybody.

“Dude, it’s so dope to meet all y’all. Being on set of Spider-Man is so surreal”, Posty beamed. He was never one to be shy around new people.

“Hey, can I leave you here for a second? How about I go change and then we go have dinner?”, (Y/N) suggested.

“Fine by me”, her boyfriend shrugged and (Y/N) left them to go change.

When she returned they were still stood there talking about god knows what. Tom looked a little displeased but other than that there was no indicator for anything other than a friendly conversation.

Austin put his arm her shoulder when she reached them but didn’t stop his conversation until Zendaya ended her sentence.

“All good? We ready to leave?”, he turned towards her and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head, as he was way taller than the girl.

Tom pulled a face when he did that, but tried to get it together before anybody could notice.

“So, are you guys joining us?”, Austin asked the group.

“Can’t unfortunately”, Jacob answered for them.

“Still got some scenes that need to be shot today”, Tom added. This was probably the first time he was thankful for his busy schedule. He didn’t think he could stand seeing them together. Especially seeing how affectionate they were with each other. There was no use in denying it anymore. He was jealous. And why was that? Because he was still in love with (F/N) (L/N).

“Aww that’s too bad, man. But next time for sure, ye?”, the rapper answered before they all said their goodbyes and parted.

At night after dinner (Y/N) and Austin were lying in bed talking about everything that they have missed out on the other’s everyday lives. Music, shooting, friends and family...

“So, how have you been? You told me you’re worried it’d be weird interacting with your ex again but he seems pretty nice to me”, Post asked the girl.

She was tracing his exposed tattoos with her finger, something he really enjoyed. Austin wasn’t always the most confident in his looks but that didn’t matter to her. 

“He is”, she finally answered, “he’s a great guy. Usually very sweet and caring.. I think maybe him and me could be friends again..”

“Wow. Seems like you miss him. Should I be worried?”, he looked down at her.

She was still concentrated on his tattoos on his chest, when he said that but looked up at him to answer.

“No. Of course n-”, she started to deny but that was already enough for him to flip them over and pepper her with kisses and tickles, making her squeal and flail around, trying to escape his grasp.

*******************************************************************************************

It’s been a few days since (Y/N)’s new boyfriend arrived and Tom hated to admit it, but Austin Post was actually a decent guy, that he would probably even like if it wasn’t for him being with his ex-girlfriend, that he was very much still in love with. Austin’s likeability made Tom dislike him even more though. It would be so much easier if he were just an overall unpleasant bloke.

“So, Austin, how long are you staying?”, Zendaya asked him over breakfast.

“Uh just a couple more days”, he answered with his mouth still half full.

“Ah that’s nice. So you’ll still be here when Melanie arrives”, Tom spoke up.

(Y/N) almost broke her neck whipping her head around at the mention of that name.

She slammed down her cutlery, stood up and gestured for Tom to follow her, which he did.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, she yelled once she was out of earshot.

“What’s wrong with me?”, Tom whipped around.

The girl was surprised by his outburst.

“Don’t you think it’s a little class-less to literally fly out your new guy?”, his tone turned condescending.

“Goddamnit, Tom! Are we still not over that? Everybody is flying their loved ones out, why shouldn’t I?”, (Y/N) was getting fired up now.

“I could ask you the same question, (Y/N). I’m merely having a good friend of mine visit me. What’s the difference?”

“The difference is, Tom, that you flew her out out of spite. You had no intention to have her visit you, before you found out that Austin was going to come visit. We are broke up. Do you expect me to stay single forever?”

“Well, you got over me awfully fast, didn’t you Sweetheart?”, he spat the last part, not even denying her accusation. (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked with his hair unkempt from ruffling it in his frustration, but she chose to ignore those feelings bubbling up inside of her.

“Well, you made it awfully easy for me, Sweetheart!”, she mimicked him.

“And why is that? Because I helped a friend? Your jealousy ruined this relationship,(Y/N)!”, Tom didn’t mean what he said but he was too hurt to care at the moment.

“Yes, of course. I ruined this relationship. It wasn’t the fact that you literally moved in another girl?”, (Y/N) was being unfair now. She didn’t have a problem with Melanie at all. She never made a move at Tom or gave (Y/N) any other reason to disklike her. She was actually a really sweet girl. But (Y/N) was too hurt to care at the moment.

“You’re seriously worried about me having cheated on you? He is fucking rapper! What do you think he does when he’s on tour?”, Tom threw up his hands.

“Austin hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him. He’s been nothing but amazing to me. That’s more that I could say for you”, she dug at him.

To say that this didn’t hurt would’ve been a lie. Tom was taken aback for a moment before he just muttered a ‘fine’ and left her standing.

From then on it was radio silence between the two of them.  (Y/N) was looking forward to the end of shooting. When she broke up with Tom, she didn’t anticipate this all to blow up in their faces like this. She didn’t want to create a hostile environment for anybody. She knew for a fact that Zendaya and Jacob felt uncomfortable with the current situation. They felt like the victims of a bad divorce. And even Tom seemed to be more down than she had seen him in a while.

(Y/N) greeted Melanie when she arrived but other than that she kept to herself. She dreaded the day Austin had to leave again because that would mean she’d be alone with Tom and Melanie.

Tom was happy to have Mel with him again. (Y/N) wasn’t the only one that was feeling bad about the whole situation. Instead of connecting with her again, he had just driven her away further.

However, neither of them could let go of their resentment. Both of them were desperate to get some kind of reaction out of the other.

“Here, Mel. You really gotta try these! They taste amazing”, Tom held his spoon out for Melanie to try the tasty dessert. Them sharing food wasn’t something out of the ordinary for them but usually Tom wouldn’t spoon-feed his friends. At this moment, though, he tried to be as animated as possible to make sure (Y/N) noticed.

And she did notice. It took a lot from her to not give him the reaction he was gunning for. Instead she made it a point to get really cozy with her new boyfriend to show her ex that she wasn’t bothered at all.

“Babe, not that I don’t enjoy making out with you but I know you’re doing this to get back at Tom”, Austin murmured in his lover ear after they parted their kiss. His husky voice was sending goosebumps down her spine - not least because  she knew he was right.

“You should talk to him”

*******************************************************************************************

”Tom,  can we talk?”, it took (Y/N) a great deal of convincing herself to make her way over to him.

Tom was surprised, he didn’t expect her to ever speak to him again but complied.

They made their way over to her trailer and sat down inside of it. Neither of them said a word.  (Y/N) didn’t know why she was feeling so nervous. It’s just Tom. 

Get yourself together, damnit. Deep breath and go...

“Tom.. I’m sorry”, she already had thought exactly of what what she was going to say but at the moment drew a complete blank.

“What for?”, Tom was being huffy.

“Everything. You are right. I shouldn’t have just flown Austin out. I should have at least talked to you beforehand. I really didn’t mean to hurt you...”

“Me neither”,  Tom softened up.

For a moment they just sat in silence, but for the first time since they started shooting it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

“I miss you, you know”, he looked up from his lap and into her eyes. She was about to answer, when he silenced her.

“I miss you so damn much and I hate seeing you with him. He seems like a great dude but (Y/N) be honest with me... Do you really love him?”

(Y/N) was taken aback. She did not expect that sort of question now.

“I.. I do”, she answered truthfully. Tom’s face fell. How could he be so stupid and still hope there’d be a future for them that’s anything but friendly.

“But it’s not the same... I love him. He’s amazing but he’s not you”

She felt so terrible for saying that. Austin has been nothing but loving to her and they haven’t fought once in all that time that they were together but being around Tom again showed her that there was something missing.

Tom perked up, he couldn’t believe his ears but when he properly registered her words a show stopping grin found it’s way on his face.

“That’s amazing. I mean not for him obviously but.. you know what I mean", Tom was excited. They could start over again and be better than they were before. 

He noticed that (Y/N) didn’t share the same excitement as him.

“Love, are you okay? Are you not happy?”, Tom scooted closer to her.

“No, I am. It’s just, we can’t just pick up where we left off, Tom. We.. we.. Austin wasn’t the problem that broke us up to begin with. We can’t ignore everything that has been going on”, sounded desperate. It’s true though. Just because she didn’t feel the same way for her new boyfriend as she felt for Tom, didn’t mean all their other problems were gone.

Tom craddled her face in his hands.

“Darling, it’s going to be okay. Look at me. We won’t do the same mistakes again, okay?”, Tom leaned his forehead against hers. (Y/N) was always a rather anxious person that needed to be calmed down frequently, when she was freaking out.

She took a deep breath and relaxed into his touch. It was nice to feel his skin against hers again.

“You okay?”, Tom asked.

She nodded and a small smile found it’s way on her face.

At this moment Tom couldn’t resist anymore. It’s been too long that he had felt her lips against his but just as he was about to lean in she pulled back.

“What are you doing? Tom, I’m still in a relationship... It wouldn’t be fair to Austin if we’d started foolin aroung behind his back. Let me at least talk to him before we properly make-up”

Tom did feel a little disappointed but understood what she was saying.

“Not even a little peck?”, he tried but shut up when (Y/N) shot him a warning look. One could try...

Both of them exited her trailer. While (Y/N) made her way over to where Post was waiting, Tom joined Melanie and his co-stars again. Tom’s good mood didn’t go unnoticed though.

“What got you all smiles?”, Zendaya teased.

“I may or may not have made up with (Y/N)”, Tom bragged in a sing-song voice.

“Wait what? When did that happen? Not that I’m not happy for you but last time I saw her she was making out with Post Malone”, Zendaya was thrown off by the newly found information and while Tom explained the situation (Y/N) had to break the news to Austin.

She didn’t want to have this conversation but she was confident that she was naking the right decision.

“Hey, Babe. Did you two talk it out?”, Austin looked up from his phone when his girl approached him.

“Austin? Can we talk?”, it was the second time today that she would have to use that phrase. She couldn’t but to think how cliche she sounded.

“Oh oh. That doesn’t sound good”, his smile faded, “you’re not breaking up with me, are you?”

There was no need for her to answer his question because as soon as she teared up he got his answer.

“Nononono. Don’t cry, please”, he tried to soothe her which made her feel even worse. Why was he being so nice to her?

“What happened, (Y/N)?”

“We talked”

“I figured that much”

Ouch..

“Well, I apologized and so did he. We kinda made up”

“There is probably no use trying to convince you otherwise, huh?”, Austin had already admitted defeat.

“Probably not”

“I never stood a chance, did I? It’s always been him...”, he huffed out a laugh. He sounded disappointed but he was coping.

“That’s not true. I think you are one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever had the fortune of meeting but ...”

“But I’m not him”, Austin ended her sentence for her.

“I’m so sorry. I really do love you but being on set with him again just brought back all those feelings”

Both were just sitting there for a moment.

“But we’re still friends right?”, Austin broke the silence, looking at the girl across from him.

(Y/N) blinked for a few times.

“Of course”, she was so perplexed. She didn’t expect him to not be pissed at her. He chuckled when he saw how confused the girl was. He wasn’t  mad at her. She had feelings for someone else. That’s something out of her control. He did however still want to have her in his life - even if it’d be just as friends.

“C’mere”, he held out his arms and engulfed her in a massive bear hug.

“I don’t understand. You’re not angry?”

“No, how could I? We’re cool”, he reassured her, “but I can’t promise I won’t write a song ot two about you”

“Well, I can’t blame you”

They both had a laugh about it but then the atmosphere became a little more serious again.

“I should go”, Austin broke the silence.

“You don’t have to”

“No front, but, (Y/N), I really don’t want to see you with Tom. At least not at the moment”, he explained to her. 

(Y/N) just nodded. She didn’t want to make things worse for him. While he took the news like a pro, she could still see that he was hurt. He was not about to fight a battle he already knew he couldn’t win but it really wasn’t a good feeling to be left for someone else either.

The two of them hugged it out for a little while longer and then Austin made his way to leave the set back to his hotel room to pack his bags and fly home.

He stopped to say goodbye to the others. Eventhough he would rather not see Tom at the moment, just leaving without a word would be rude. Also, he was not about to leave with his tail between his legs. He was Post Malone after all.

When he approached the others their conversation died down and Tom’s bright smile disappeared completely. There was no way for him to know how the rapper would react. But the latter decided to not say anything at all. 

Austin said his goodbyes and turned to leave but before he left, he told Tom something only they could hear.

*******************************************************************************************

Back in her hotel room, (Y/N) tried to relax after the long day she just had. The last time she was this exhausted was ages ago.

At the moment, she was getting ready to take a shower and go snuggle up in bed to get some sleep before she had to leave to shoot the next morning.

Just as she was about to hop under the warm, relaxing water, there was a knock on her door. (Y/N) didn’t expect anybody this late but she had an idea who it could be.

“Hello, Tom”, she greeted her lover.

“Can I come in? Or am I interrupting something?”, the actor looked the girl up and down. He couldn’t help but have his eyes linger a little as he couldn’t help but notice she was only dressed in a towel at the moment.

“I was just about to have a shower but you’re welcome to come in and wait”, she told him.

As he closed the door behind him she turned around and added, “or you could join me of course”

She made it sound like an option but that opportunity was too good for Tom to pass up.

Being underneath the water with him just felt right. He was a little taller than her so the water from his hair dripped down on her face as they were standing chest to chest. He leaned down and his lips met hers. She started smiling into the kiss nefore they parted.

“I missed this”, Tom’s voice was husky.

She did too. She wasn’t a fool, there was still a  lot to work through but at this very moment everything just felt right. His body against hers felt right. His lips on hers felt right. Them together... felt so right.

“I love you, Tom” 

*******************************************************************************************

Epilogue

Both of them were cuddled in bed dressed in the white, fluffy bathrobes the hotel provided, talking about anything and everything with the occasional kiss in between.

“It’s two o’clock already. We should really go to sleep if we want to be able to function tomorrow”, she reminded her boyfriend.

“At this point, I am tempted to pull an all-nighter, love”, he winked at her.

“An all-nighter doing what exactly?”, (Y/N) teased her man.

“You know? Before Post left he told me to be good to you and I think that’s exactly  what I will be doing tonight”

“I really don’t think that’s what he meant, babe”, she laughed.

“Close enough for me”, he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her once again but most definitely not for the last time that night.

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #post malone imagine #post malone x reader #spiderman imagine

[ltleflrt]

So, just like everyone else, I have Thoughts.

This is not the ending I wanted, but it was mostly the ending I expected.  Do I think the overarching themes were dropped and time was wasted?  Yes.  It’s not my story to tell though, and this is the ending they gave us, so I’m going to try and be positive about it.

It’s not terribly surprising to me that Dean dies on their first (as far as we know) hunt after they gain their freedom from Chuck’s story.  Hunting is very dangerous, and the Winchesters no longer have Plot Armor from Chuck who probably protected them from the “minor” things so that they could fall to his bigger ideas.  Dean should have died from heart failure in S1 because of an accidental injury received during a random hunt.  The last 15 years have been a gift of time for him, and I think he was aware of that at the end.

The only thing he was worried about was Sam.  Despite how many times they’ve been resurrected, there had to be a last time at some point, and they both knew it.  So he made sure they got to say a proper goodbye, something they both missed out on with so many people taken too early from their lives.  He made sure Sam knew that he was at peace with what was happening, and gave Sam the tools to make peace with it as well. 

I loved this scene.  I was sobbing uncontrollably, and will eventually need to muster up the courage to watch it again to catch all the nuance.  But I still loved it.  I would have preferred Dean to die peacefully at an old age, but he’d have to stop hunting, and I just can’t see him walking away from the life.  He’s too much of a Big Damn Hero.

Sam’s grief was cathartic to watch, because Me Too, Buddy.  Then we got to see him moving on, healing.  I think that hunt he got the call for on Dean’s Other Other Cell was probably his last one.  I think he loved hunting, but loved Dean more.  And just like Dean tried to do with the loss of Cas, Sam went on to live a good life in honor of Dean.  One last lesson learned from his big brother.

My eyes were so full of tears that I couldn’t see the family pictures very clearly, but that may have also been deliberate.  Dean Jr looked enough like Eileen that I’m going to hold it in my heart that she’s who Sam married and settled down with. 

Dean may have been the brother who dreamed of his childhood family life, but he also always loved hunting.  Sam was the brother who hunted because it was there, but always craved normalcy.  I’m so grateful that he finally got it.  And the Winchester Legacy lives on!  Is Dean Jr a Hunter?  A Man of Letters?  Some of both?  Doesn’t really matter.  He’s another Winchester left in the world, passing on everything Sam (and indirectly, Uncle Dean) gave him to newer generations. 

Remember that time Sam asked Dean if anyone would ever remember them?  What legacy were they leaving behind?  They carved their initials into the table to leave their mark, literally, but that was such a small thing.  Leaving behind a child who knows their stories is so much more epic, and fitting.

As for Castiel, I do need to be negative for this one thing, but I will jump right back on the positivity train once I get this out of my system.

I really wish that Misha had made it clearer that he wouldn’t be in ep20.  I was enjoying the episode, but as time went on and I realized opportunity after opportunity for him to show up was passing, over and over, until there were mere minutes left in the show, horror grew within me.  If I hadn’t been expecting to see or even just hear his voice one last time, I wouldn’t have been hurt at all. I don’t think I would have even have been disappointed that we didn’t get to see Dean’s reciprocation, because I know Dean loves Cas, and I had been resigned to very quiet romantic text all season long.  The ILU was unexpected, even though I’d seen spoilers that hinted very strongly it was going to be there.  I would have taken that as icing on the Destiel cake, so long as I knew what to expect of the end of the story.

Literally all they had to do to fix this for me?  On the very last shot, Dean and Sam are on the bridge looking out on Heaven.  Off screen there’s a wingflap sound effect that gets both their attention.  And their faces light up with joy.  The End.

C’mon Dabb&Co, do better.

Anyway, other than that, I do appreciate Castiel’s ability to find joy in his love for Dean.  The fact that it’s confirmed that at least recent seasons the romantic tropes were deliberate still brings me immeasurable joy.  Knowing that Jack rescued him from the Empty and they went on a mission to rebuild Heaven for Humanity and specifically Dean makes me tear up just thinking about it.

He had an absent Father, who at every turn disappointed him.  But he still believed in Heaven.  He still believed in the original mission of caring for Humanity.  And with Jack he gets to be the present father, and together they built something wonderful and awesome (in the traditional sense of the word, and Dean’s typical definition too lol).  I’m so happy for both Castiel and Jack that they get to be a family.

Anyway, those are most of my thoughts.  I will probably have more as I continue to process my feelings.  I still love this show, and welcome discussion about it as long as it doesn’t devolve into wank.  My heart hurts, and letting go of bitterness is the only way I’ll be able to heal. 

And reading all the Destiel Happy Ending codas.  Looking forward to reading all of those!  I’m actually working on one myself, for the first time ever.  I don’t usually read or write canonverse for SPN, but that was because canon was always changing so much as the show continued to air.  Now that canon is complete, I welcome all the fix-it fics and alternate endings and post season stuff XD

For the record, I still don’t see this as Bury Your Gays, since the characters still exist beyond death, and Castiel was rescued from the Empty.  Chuck’s books are closed, so we no longer have a window into their worlds, but we know without a shadow of a doubt that they have time for more stories to unfold in their futures.  All the time in the universe :)

#spn finale #watching spn #15x20 #carry on #spn spoilers

[maria-de-salinas]

Snapetober Day 12 - Panic Attack

Cross-posted to AO3

The common room was still dark but Severus' sore neck woke him up. He'd fallen asleep in one of the chairs near the common room fire, his head resting on his forearm, and the pain wouldn't go away even after he'd sat up and rolled his head around a bit.

He couldn't really remember why he'd fallen asleep there. Maybe he'd stayed up too late inventing spells or something.

The door to the boys' dormitories opened but Severus paid no attention to them until Mulciber opened his mouth.

"Have you been here all night?" Severus was staring into the fire but he could picture the cold amusement in his eyes, like everything was a joke and he was the only one in on it.

"Leave him," said Rosier. "He's in one of his anti-social moods again."

They vanished into the stone wall and Severus crossed his arms over his chest as though he could deflect the blow. He wasn't about to get up and run after them, but he thought they might change their minds and wait for him.

He supposed he could skip breakfast, go straight to his dormitory and read awhile before his first class. But his arms and legs were already weak and he knew he'd never be able to concentrate, and anyway, he hated going hungry, he'd had to do it enough over the summer. Lily never spoke to him, never brought him any extra food the way she used to do.

He wouldn't have been able to face them all, all those fucking ordinary people who'd laughed as he was reduced to nothing, if it hadn't been for Avery and Rosier and Mulciber walking alongside him, swaggering with a confidence he wished he could feel, wands at the ready, powerful in their magic, the dark curses they whispered in abandoned classrooms waiting on the edge of their tongues. They could take on anyone.

Severus knew more curses than any of them, but without them he might as well know nothing at all. He could see his arms and legs out of the corner of his eye, heavy and stiff like wood, jerking and twitching like a marionette. Could see strands of hair hanging over his eyes, so lank and oily it made his scalp itch.

He could hear the voices echoing off the stone walls before he reached the top of the dungeon steps. There must've been a thousand of them, at least. Were they always so fucking loud?

His chest was so tight he couldn't breathe right. He was getting dizzy. He gasped for breath. The air wouldn't go in. His heart slammed against his chest and the base of his neck hurt.

He'd seen a man collapse in the middle of the street in Cokeworth, just walking home from the mill. He clutched his chest and the metal lunchbox he was holding fell to the ground and burst open. But Severus was too young for that.

He sucked in a breath again, but nothing would go in and now his head was dizzy and he was going to pass out, right there in the Entrance Hall, and no one would see him, no one would stop to help, but then he wasn't sure he wanted them to.

He didn't know how he ended up in the bathroom. Maybe he thought there'd be someone there. But there wasn't and he paced the floor, every heartbeat pounding in his head, knowing any one of them might be the last he ever felt, and he didn’t want to go like this, with the chipped sinks and the piss-smelling stones...

"Severus?"

I can't breathe.

"Severus! Is everything alright?"

Someone was there but he didn't see who.

"It's alright. You're alright."

I can't, I can't...

“Just breathe in. Through your nose.”

Severus gasped for air.

“Good. Now...erm...hold it for a few seconds. Then breathe out.”

Severus let out a breath. So he was still breathing.

“That’s it...so, can you remember how to make Polyjuice Potion?"

Severus clutched his head.

"Add three measures of knotweed, right?...two bundles of knotgrass, stir three times..."

"Four times," said Severus, and he realized then that he could talk, that he was still breathing.

"Right. Four times...and then what?"

"And then...and then you let it brew," said Severus. "And then you add four leeches." His breathing was slowing some. He put his thumb to his wrist and felt his pulse. Still too fast, but not as much as before.

"And then...a scoop of lacewing flies?"

Severus knew that voice. Lupin.

He narrowed his eyes at him. "Two scoops. With brains like yours it's no wonder you didn't make it to N.E.W.T level."

The corners of Lupin's mouth twitched in smile that he might have thought self-deprecating if he'd been anyone else. "Well, I can see you're feeling a bit more like yourself."

Severus didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before. The whole thing was a trap, it had to be. His heart pounded harder and he stepped towards Lupin, voice breaking, slipping into his wretched Black Country twang. "Wha' the fuck you doin' here?"

Lupin lowered his eyes. "I saw you in the Entrance Hall. I thought you looked...unwell, so I followed you here."

Severus glanced under the stalls for shoes, listened for breathing, fingers groping for his wand. "Where are they?"

Lupin raised his eyebrows slightly. "Sorry?"

"Don't play dumb with me Lupin. Where are Potter and Black?"

Lupin's eyes widened too quickly to be put on, but he still didn't believe it. "It's just me."

Severus listened. There was no sound apart from distant footsteps and the trickle of a leaking faucet.

So he was telling the truth. But he still didn't understand. He stepped towards the werewolf, so close he could smell the coffee on his breath. "If you tell anyone about this you will pay, d'you understand me?"

Lupin twitched as though to shrink back, but stood his ground, eyes wide and earnest."Of course. I won't tell a soul."

Severus sneered as though to say he doubted it, but he backed away.

Lupin shot him a furtive glance that was hard to read and made for the door, but when he'd reached it he stopped and ran his fingers through his hair, looking from the floor to Severus. "It happens to me too. And people give me shit about it, believe me."

Severus didn't know what to say to this, but Lupin didn't seem to expect him to. "Well," he said, turning back to the door. "I'll see you around."

Severus hated that he believed him.

* Severus flattened himself against a wall and waited for the Bloody Baron to pass by before climbing up the steps to the Astronomy tower. He slumped against the castle wall and pulled out a twenty-pack of Woodbines he'd bought at the corner store just before the start of term, pushing the lid open and counting how many he had left. Just four. Shit. There were still five weeks to go before Christmas holidays and he knew his friends wouldn't have any, just the useless high-class pipe tobacco they smoked sometimes during one of their pretentious dinner parties. Ah well. He would savour them, anyway.

He pulled a book of matches out of his pocket and his muscles relaxed. He smoked fags for comfort, the way some people clutched hot cups of tea. He had a ritual. Pull it out of the box, bring it to his lips, strike the match, light the fag, breathe in. Peace.

The footsteps were heavy, shuffling, like someone running. Severus breathed out and stood up, ready to Disillusion himself if need be, but he didn't think it was a teacher.

Whoever it was ran right to the edge, stopping short at the railing as though only vaguely aware it was there. Severus stepped closer.

Lupin. He was clutching his chest and gasping for breath.

Severus took another drag and watched him, feet pivoted away as though he were going to turn around, but they wouldn't move.

Lupin made a strange keening noise and Severus stepped over to the railing.

"The fall constellations," he said. "Do you remember them?"

Lupin just kept breathing hard.

"Andromeda, Aquarius..."

"Aquarius," repeated Lupin vaguely. "And...Lyra?"

"That's summer, you prat. Try again."

"Erm...Pegasus?"

"What else?"

"I don't...I can't remember..."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "And they gave you an O.W.L in Astronomy?"

"I got an Outstanding," said Lupin, his voice stronger, clearer.

"Really?" said Severus, voice inflected to suggest his disbelief.

"Yes, really. Now let's see...right. Capricornus and Pisces."

Lupin took a deep breath and stared at Severus as though just realizing he was there. This time he didn't look down. "Thank you."

Severus shrugged and threw his fag on the ground, stamping it out with his boot. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to tell Lupin to fuck off. Which was good as telling him he could stay, and Lupin knew it.

He looked up, hands in his pockets. "Nice night for stargazing."

Severus made a noncommittal noise. He was more interested in what was on the ground.

Lupin nodded towards the wall. "Want to sit down?"

Severus followed him, pretending he didn't know why, that he didn't care. That he hadn't been aching for someone to sit down next to him like an ordinary person.

Lupin drew his knees up to his chest and ran his hand along the folds of his robes. "Listen. I'm really sorry. About everything."

Severus had played this scene over and over in his mind, and Lupin was always on his knees grovelling, cowering before his clenched fists. Severus clenched and unclenched his fingers and the heat rose in his chest and his heart beat faster but he knew he couldn’t do it. Knew Lupin meant it. 

Lupin must’ve known it too, because the corners of his mouth lifted just a second before he glanced away again, serious, and looked up at the stars. “Do you ever feel like...I don’t know, like a stranger? Like you were just dropped on this planet to observe everyone but never really fit in?”

Severus was unnerved. He only felt like that every bloody day of his life.

“Sometimes.”

“I feel like that all the time.”

Severus made a disparaging noise. “You think you don’t fit in? When you spend all your time hanging round with Potter and Black?”

Lupin ran his hands along his robes again. “I dunno...sometimes I think they’ve got more in common with each other. Like I’m just along for the ride, you know?”

Severus didn’t say anything to this. But he knew exactly how Lupin felt.

Lupin glanced at him and looked back down, opened his mouth and closed it. “Actually,” he said after awhile. “I’m sort of glad you were here.”

He stared down at his lap again and even in the low light Severus could’ve sworn he was blushing. 

“Yeah,” he said, because he couldn’t really bring himself to say what he really thought. That he sort of was too. Even if Lupin was a prat.

#snapetober #ficlet #snape #lupin #hurt/comfort #cw: anxiety

[scullydubois]

Only the Light: Ch. 7

7/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, some fluff | currently: s2, ep 12, Aubrey | T (for now?) | 3.7k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic

A dubious figure from Scully's life visits her in a nightmare; Mulder tries to distract her with breakfast and a philosophical conversation.

[I’m getting a clearer picture of what I want this to be...thanks for bearing with me!]

----------------------

She’s entering the motel room again, just as she did only hours before. This time, something is wrong. She hears it as soon as she closes the door. Ragged breathing, like a dog worn out from a walk. She doesn’t have a dog, and she sure as hell hasn’t just taken one for a walk.

“Mulder?” she asks the darkness. She tries to think: was he just with her? Did he enter his own room, like she did hers? She cannot remember. For the life of her, she cannot remember.

The room’s silence is the unwanted answer to her question. A shadow moves in the darkness. Scully reaches for her gun with one hand and the bedside lamp with the other. Her hand slides over her belt, comes up empty. Her gun, what happened to it? She cannot remember this either. An act of faith will have to do. She sucks in a breath, clicks the light on.

There’s BJ, illuminated. Scully’s mind races to fill in the inconsistencies. This isn’t the BJ who left her in the bathroom earlier. Fear has written itself on her face and frozen her too. This phantom woman’s stomach bulges under her sweatshirt. She is heavily pregnant and... bleeding. That’s what it is. Blood, sickeningly red, trickling down BJ’s front like she’s starring in a low budget horror film.

“BJ!” Scully rushes toward her without a second thought. But BJ puts out her hands, backs toward the bathroom.

“No, Agent Scully, don’t!” she pleads. “He got me. It’s too late. He’ll get you too if you don’t leave.”

As Scully gets closer, she sees that the collar of BJ’s sweatshirt has been ripped. Beneath it, letters are inked in blood quite clearly across BJ’s chest: SISTER. Just like the crime scene photos of those women years ago.

Scully stops moving so that BJ will hold still. “Who, BJ? Who did this?”

“Him, he did.” A hand emerges from the shadowy bathroom, grips BJ by the rip in her collar, and slams her into the doorframe. A fresh spurt of blood glides down her and puddles at her feet. “Go, Scully, go!” she cries. “Please.”

But Scully won’t go, she could never abandon a situation like this. She moves closer to the bathroom, desperately wishing she had her gun and trying to piece together a back-up plan that might get both her and BJ out safely.

She puts on the most intimidating voice she possesses. “Let go of her now!”

“Let me have you and it’s a done deal.” The hand steps out of the shadows, becoming a body, becoming a nightmare. It is not possible, and yet it is happening. The delusional eyes of Duane Barry stare into hers.

Scully loses the ability to breath, to scream, to do anything except fear death. A thought pings in her brain. There’s something she does remember that revives her. Duane Barry’s dead. Mulder killed him. He told her that very day. Mulder wouldn’t lie about a thing like that, she is sure of it.

She is not quite sure what this means for the situation. She throws her shoulders back, lifts her head high. She is the survivor, and she will be victorious this time.

“No. You can’t have me, or BJ either. Go back to hell.” She steps toward BJ, holds out her hand. Duane’s fist is still clamped on BJ’s sweatshirt, right over her collarbone. She will not move.

“Duane Barry can have whatever he wants,” the man’s gritty voice says. “Duane Barry got eternity.”

“Eternal damnation,” Scully growls. “Now give it up.”

Duane Barry laughs. It’s hollow, devoid of any real emotion. The laughter of a dead man. He pushes BJ away from him, releases her shirt. She catapults into Scully, who steps in front of her like a shield.

“Go, BJ,” Scully orders.

“I can’t leave you.” BJ’s voice is the shakiest it’s ever been.

“You’ll bleed out. Go.”

Scully doesn’t hear her leave. She glances behind her, and BJ is not there anymore. It is just her and Duane now, like in her apartment, and the car, and though she doesn’t remember it, the field too. Mulder tells her he caught Duane there. That her necklace was in the trunk, and her blood. But not her.

She snaps back into the moment. This is something she will remember, and she needs to be present for it. Duane moves toward her. A gun appears in his hand. Her gun. Her weapon, somehow in his hands. He didn’t pick it up or pull it from his belt, it appeared. Just as abruptly as BJ disappeared.

“You think they’ll let you into heaven looking like that?” he sneers. He’s coming closer and closer.

“That’s not for me to say,” Scully replies, holding her ground.

“I’m not talking hypothetically,” Duane’s voice booms through the room. “Look at yourself!”

She’s not sure why, but she listens; maybe he’s an alien, maybe that’s why they kept coming after him, maybe they just wanted him back. It sure feels like he’s controlling her mind.

She looks down and immediately dissociates. This is not her. This is a trail of blood. How could someone call this a body?

SISTER is scribbled across her chest too. She doesn’t have to check to know. She has fallen victim, just as she predicted.

And then...she lurches out of bed, the cheap motel sheets strewn across the floor in her wake. She is on her knees against the cracked tile before she can put two and two together. Her stomach contents spill out of her like they’ve been waiting on a cue. If this is confession, the porcelain is her priest.

When her stomach can’t possibly spew any more, she flushes the toilet, then crawls over to the towel rack and pulls down her still drying towel. The tile has made creases on her hands. She lays the towel against her cheek, then rests her head against the edge of the toilet. This is what her simple night has come to.

She stays in this position while her strength finds its way back. She is just about to doze off when someone knocks on her door. She sighs, lifts her head, puts it back down again. At the sound of the second knock, she glances into the other room. Stray beams of light stream through the edges of the curtains. She hadn’t had time to glance at the clock in her mad dash to the bathroom. It’s morning already.

This suspicion is confirmed by Mulder’s concerned voice on the other side of the door. “Scully?”

She pushes herself up off the floor, hangs the towel back on the rack. “I’m here,” she calls. It comes out strained and raspy.

She shuffles toward the door, unsure of how to explain this situation. The clock reads 7:18. Mulder makes up for all the times he’s late to the J. Edgar Hoover building by getting an early start during their travels. She’s aware of this and usually beats him to the punch. Not today. She wonders why her alarm didn’t go off, then realizes she never set it.

She unlocks the door and opens it a crack, embarrassed by her silk pajamas and undoubtedly messy hair.

“Hey, sorry. I forgot to set my alarm.” Her voice is still not right.

“Are you okay?” His tone indicates that she must not be.

“I had a bad dream, that’s all.”

“You don’t look so good.” He lays a palm on the door, pushes it open to get a better view. Scully’s always been pale, but usually it reminds him of marble, like a statue of a Greek goddess. Right now she’s looking more like a ghost. Or like she’s seen one. “Can I come in?”

She closes the door so that just her face is visible. “I have to get dressed,” she protests. “Then we can get going. We’re meeting BJ at 9, right?”

“We have time,” Mulder insists, putting his hand on the door so she can’t shut it without smashing his fingers.  

“If we leave early enough, we can get breakfast on the way.”

Mulder wonders who she is trying to pander to, then lets go of the door. He knows how this goes. He’ll let her off easy now, she’ll be more willing to talk later. Their version of compromise.

“Okay, fine. You get ready, and we’ll stop for breakfast.”

“Great.” She presses her lips into a thin line that he thinks is supposed to be a smile. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“I’ll start the car.”

She nods after him, watches him go. Their partnership, like all relationships, is an act of give and take. She gets the feeling that she has been taking too much lately and giving very little back. He deserves better, she knows this. It does not make her feel good.

------------------------

Their car rattles along Aubrey’s main street. It’s classic Americana with narrow sidewalks, quaint storefronts, and altogether too much traffic for such a small town. While sitting at a redlight, Mulder taps the steering wheel absentmindedly and takes the opportunity to do some sight-seeing. He looks past Scully and notices a sign in the window of the building next to them claiming that it is an “authentic 1950s mom-and-pop diner.” “Best in Aubrey!” it brags. He smirks, then checks his mirror and enters the right-turn lane. Scully, who had been watching the light, glares at him.

“What are you doing?”

He takes the right turn. “You promised breakfast, remember?” He pulls into the small lot behind the cafe. “Whaddya say we go back in time? I can’t picture you in a poodle skirt, Scully.”

“Good.” Her bluntness makes Mulder laugh. His hearty chuckle is chicken soup to her soul. She tries to power through the flutter in her heart. “Is this place gonna have 1950s prices too? Cause if not, you’re paying.”

Mulder parks, cuts the engine. “I’ll take the risk.”

“And I’ll hold you to that.” She unclicks her seatbelt and opens the passenger door. Her heels hit the pavement with fervor. She’s trying to shake off the nightmare by putting on an extra tough, confident exterior. Fake it til you make it, right? She struts away from the car, hears Mulder click it locked behind her. How often is he the one lagging behind? She waits for him at the sidewalk, watching as he jogs toward her a bit like he’s running down the beach on Baywatch. She can’t tell if he’s doing the sexy slow motion thing on purpose or if that’s just his natural state.

“Do you think they’ll have a jukebox?” he asks, amused with himself. “Cause I forgot to bring my roll of quarters.”

“That’s too bad,” Scully intones, humoring him as she often does.

As he falls into step beside her, Scully is tempted to touch him. Nothing inappropriate, just a gesture that says, we are here walking together. She can’t think of an innocent way for a woman to do this to a man, and this annoys her. After all, he does this to her all the time, and she’s pretty positive it’s the only thing keeping her from becoming completely touch-starved. Sometimes he guides her by the small of her back, sometimes it’s more like a gentle hand on her elbow or shoulder. It reminds her of when she was a little girl and her father would let her take the lead in a crowd, whether it be a department store or a 4th of July parade. It built her confidence, having to cut a path for herself through what felt like skyscrapers of people. She could feel her father there the whole time, and so she knew she was safe. Not so easy these days.

To Scully’s left, Mulder wonders what his partner’s love language is. Not that he’s read a book on love languages or anything. I mean, it was just the one time. Now it sits on his shelf and gathers dust with all his other books! Nothing odd about that. He did manage to take the quiz in the back of the book before he put it up, though. He got mostly C’s, which meant that his love language was physical touch. This was not surprising to him, though not anything he’d ever thought deeply about either. Maybe it stems from the fact that his father was never very affectionate? Who can say, really?...It’s times like this he wishes he didn’t have a psychology degree.

“Hey, Scully,” he pipes up, figuring the topic can’t hurt. “Have you heard of the five love languages?”

“You mean the stupid self-help book?” she goads. “Yeah.”

He opens the diner door, a chirpy bell announcing their arrival. He holds it open while Scully steps into a recreation of a by-gone era complete with a long red counter with retro barstools, black-and-white tile on the floors and the walls, and, yes, a jukebox. Mulder points to it and glances at Scully, who simply shakes her head. Behind the counter, a waitress with pin curls and an apron dress addresses them.

“Welcome in, folks. Seat yourselves anywhere you’d like.”

Mulder thumbs toward the counter (because how else would you get the whole 50s diner experience?) but Scully, who has finally found an occasion to touch him, lays a hand on his bicep and pulls him over to a red leather booth.

They settle in, their eyes scanning the laminated menus and realizing that these are not, in fact, 1950s prices.

“Have you read it?” Mulder asks.

“I’m reading it right now, Mulder,” Scully says, stating the obvious.

“No, I mean the love languages book.”

“We’re still on this?”

Mulder lays his menu flat on the table, lifts his hands in surrender. “I just thought it would be an interesting thing to talk about.”

Scully sets her menu down too. “I’ve never read it, but you know who did and loved it? Melissa. She told me all about it.”

“Oh, really? What’s hers?”

“Uh, I think it was acts of service. Is that one?”

Mulder nods. “It’s acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, or physical touch.”

The waitress comes over with a steaming pot of coffee and asks if they’re interested. They both nod, and she fills two mugs to the brim. The liquid shivers as Scully blows on it.

“What’s yours?” she asks over the rim of her mug. “I’m assuming you’ve read the book.”

“Read the book and taken the quiz,” Mulder brags, topping it off with a smile. “I got physical touch.”

“Nice.” Scully files that information away for later. “Do you think that’s accurate?”

He shrugs. “It’s not wrong.”

“How can something be not right, but not wrong?”

His eyes, a caramel brown right now, brush over her. “I don’t know, Scully, how can something be not right, but not wrong?” he challenges.

She swallows, understanding what he is getting at. Some things are hard to justify. To yourself, to others. But when you take all the thinking out of it and just rely on the feeling...there are certain things that refuse to be resisted. She knows. She has tried to resist, and the universe has raised hell.

She rests her hands on the table. “What would I get?”

“What do I look like, a psychologist?” Mulder teases.

Scully giggles, looks at her hands. She disregards object permanence and figures that if she can’t see him, he must not see her. He doesn’t say anything, so she takes this to mean he doesn’t notice how most of the blood in her body has rushed to her face.

He does, and he thinks it’s cute how she’s at mercy of her trivial embarrassments. She reddens at the smallest things: dropping her keys, forgetting her jacket, adding up the total on a restaurant tab incorrectly. It’s refreshing actually, the way her feelings show on her face, especially since she so rarely puts them into words. She’s a beacon of sincerity in his otherwise insincere life.

She gathers herself enough to look him in the eyes. “Quiz me. You’ve read the book, so quiz me.”

Mulder mouth has gone dry for reasons he cannot quite explain. “Okay.” He rips open a packet of sugar, pours it into his coffee. He doesn’t even want it, he just needs something to do with his hands.

“Um…” he can’t look at her. “Which sounds more fulfilling to you: being served breakfast in bed, or being given, say, a box of chocolates, as an anniversary gift?”

“Breakfast in bed. But the chocolate would be good too.” She sips her coffee while she watches him process that.

“Okay...would you rather hear someone say ‘I love you’ or have them show it by holding hands or putting their arm around you?”

She has to think about this one. Her gut reaction is neither, frankly. Both are positive things, she wouldn’t be mad at either of them, but she’s looking for something more. Something deeper than words spoken millions of times or public displays of affection. She wants love that transcends the ordinary. Love that is bigger than love.

“The second one, I guess. But only under the right circumstances.”

“You have provisions to your love, do you?”

“Yes,” she says without wavering. “I do.”

Mulder wonders if the waitress might come over and defuse the growing tension before it manifests elsewhere. Like in a place that would make the situation incredibly embarrassing for him.

Scully lets her gaze fall over him. The sight of Mulder on the opposite side of a restaurant booth is one that has become very familiar to her, but it’s never any less satisfying. She holds on to the consistencies in her life now more than ever. This is one of them.

She follows his eye line toward the counter. “So do you have another question?” she asks, a purposeful break in his concentration.

He comes back to her. There are so many things he could say to her right now. So goddamn many. Following the theme of the morning, he picks one that feels neither right, nor wrong.

“Do you really care about your love language, or are you just humoring me?”

“I’m always humoring you, Mulder.”

Mulder chuckles. She smiles at her own joke and at the fact that it made him laugh. She literally was humoring him.

“But I am actually curious,” she clarifies. “I don’t see how an informal love language quiz could truly have detrimental effects.”

“Well, clearly. I’m the one coming up with it, so it’s foolproof.”

“No, it’s just so unscientific that I could never take it seriously enough to let it dictate my decisions.”

Mulder rubs his chest like he’s just been shot in the heart. “Ouch.”

“It’s a cute metric, nothing more,” she says lightly. “But keep going, two questions can’t be enough to determine my result.”

Mulder smiles. She’s a tricky one, his Scully. He opens his mouth, intent on getting into the deep stuff when the waitress finally shows up with her notepad and pencil.

“What can I get y’all?” she asks with phony cheer.

Scully orders first. Always.  “I’ll have the oatmeal with berries. Just the small bowl, and that’s all.”

The waitress nods, doesn’t even bother to scribble the order down. “And for you, sir?”

“I’ll have the scrambled eggs and bacon. And can I get that in 1950s prices?” He can’t resist.

The waitress chuckles, but in a tired way like she’s definitely heard that before. “You invent a time machine, then you sure can.”

Mulder nods, wonders if he might one day be able to do that. He doesn’t say this out loud, of course, and the waitress takes up their menus.

Scully turns her attention back to Mulder with the look of an embarrassed teenager.

“You just had to make that joke, didn’t you?”

He slurps his coffee. “Yes I did. And here’s your next question: have you ever really been in love?”

Scully’s jaw tightens. Has she?

“I don’t know, Mulder,” she remarks, weary. “What is love, exactly?”

She doesn’t mean for him to give a legitimate answer. As far as she’s concerned, that’s about as unanswerable as questions get.

He leans his elbows on the table, gets the twinkle in his eye that shows up when he’s stimulated. “In my mind, it’s defined by the extremes. The limits you would push. How far out of your comfort zone would you go for the person? What’s the most dangerous thing you'd be willing to do for them? That’s what love is to me. Going out of yourself and out of safety for the comfort of someone else.”

Scully is rendered speechless by how concise this explanation is. He’s given it some thought, definitely. But what he’s come up with...it’s like he verbalized the feeling she’s been looking for her whole life. She’s never understood why she had never fallen, what with the fairly decent guys who have prostrated themselves at her feet. She had never been willing to die for them. Or to forsake any piece of herself for them, really. That was the problem. That’s what makes this--she never thinks of it as anything but this, it’s a feeling too daunting to force into the confines of language--different. Before, she wasn’t willing to change when it was demanded. Now she is not asked to, but chooses it at her own will. She wants to, because it doesn’t feel like changing, it feels like coming closer to her authentic self.

“That’s a very philosophical answer,” she says, trying not to let on that her understanding of life was just sharpened. “I like it.”

“Mhmm.” He wants to. God, he wants to. He wants to do everything with her, every activity in the whole world. Even the unpleasant ones. Maybe that’s another symptom of love.

He clears his throat. The tension has clearly built. He tries to counter it by thinking of the way she looked this morning when she opened that door. Like a caved-in version of herself, like someone had scooped out the substance. She was hurting, and she wasn’t sharing her pain. This hurt him. Yet she wasn’t willing to talk about it, she wasn’t ready to take the risk. He had just given her his definition of love, and she agreed. Yet her actions are not representative of it. Clearly they aren’t in the same place. He can do nothing about this.

“You know, forget love languages,” Mulder declares. “They are stupid.” You either love, or you don’t love; that’s the part he keeps to himself. It’s a choice you have to make.

#the pacing has been slower than intended #i've gotten the hang of it now so it'll start picking up #and prob get better in general #i have some really exciting plans!! #the x-files #x files #txf fanfic #txf fic #fox mulder #dana scully #missy & scully fic #only the light fic #msr #txf #mine

[jonghours]

ATEEZ Diary album and AR photocards analysis

Finally got my albums and got to see what all these asks I got about the diary were asking me about so I’m going to go through all the entries and try to make sense out of them! I’ll theorize about the AR photocard bonus stories at the end, since they all take place after the events of the Diary Film and the entries on the diaries.

A INTRO: The time passing by, our dreams 

This entry takes place after the Diary Film. It mostly describes the memories the members shared in their hideout.

“This is our onw space. Laughing, crying, arguing, dancing, and singing. A space where our dreams came together. Our hideout, our own world, separating us form the adult world”

I highlighted the word adult because the main point of this new series is how much ATEEZ want to hold onto their youth and dreams.

“Right now, it is a moment void of compromises and tameness. It is the moment before we opened that door”

That last line indicates this entry takes place after ATEEZ opened the door to a new world.

01 HONGJOONG: I don’t want to be forgotten as if I never existed

This entry gives us more insight about Hongjoong’s reason to join the group. As I wrote on my Diary Film analysis, all the members stories introduce the reasons that brought them together to pursue their dream: music. Back then Hongjoong’s was too subtle, but it becomes clearer here.

”Once I become a bright star that can be seen from everywhere, like those people on TV, will my family notice me? Even if it were by coincidence, I wish I could meet them at least once. If my family could come together like before... I miss the warmth of my living room”

It seems like Hongjoong’s family broke apart time before the events of the Diary take place. He’s definitley not an orphan, as he wishes to meet them once again. We don’t know why but Hongjoong’s family abandoned him and left it alone. It seems like Hongjoong’s motive to pursue music is to be an artist, and get noticed by his family in the hopes that they can get reunited once again.

“My family scattered around and here I am with my new family I made while living alone... [...] My family, the music I love, our dreams... We must keep them”

02 SEONGHWA: She, who was dancing to the beat

Seonghwa’s entry doens’t give us more insight into his story than what I already wrote about on the Diary Film analysis.

“She was moving as if nothing mattered anymore. Common sense, Rules, and this though world didn’t have power over her moves. Right this moment, my world broke around this snowy road”

Is it weird that I was interested in the snow? I know is probably just a minor detail, but I find it interesting that they added it since there was no snow in the Diary Film. I think it serves as way of putting everything in chronological order, since the weather is mentioned a lot on the diary entries.

“Ever since that day, I went to the same place at the same time. But, she never came back. I didn’t know her name or her address. Just like the “Be Free” bracelet she wore, she freed herself away [...] Since then, music never sounded the same again”

As I mentioned before, the Girl becomes a source of inspiration to Seonghwa, and he’s moved by what she represents. He wishes he could find her again and grasp that feeling, but the time never comes, because that’s what she ultimatley represents.

 03 YUNHO: Weather is clear

Unlike the others (except Yeosang) this is literally a diary entry. I believe Yunho is writing this diary to communicate with his brother. Obviously not literally, but is a way for him to put the things he wants to say to him in order.

"Hey brother, you look like you are in such a good mood today! The weather is so good as well. Even though I was running to see you, I didn’t feel the heat. [...] It has been a while since I took out your broken guitar. I wanted to get rid of it because it always reminded me of a broken side of you. [...] I just left it out of sight because it seemed like you abandoned your dream”

As it was confirmed during Air Con, it was indeed Yunho’s brother who had an accident, and to me this sounds like Yunho’s brother abandoned his dream before that happened. Yunho seems to have hidden that guitar from him when he abandoned his dream and didn’t want him to see it again, but after he had the accident, he put it out again.

“I have a friend like you in my team. His name is Hongjoong. He is the kind of person I would go to when things get tough [...] I avoid thinking about these painful memories and instead I am focusing on the dreams you couldn’t achieve. I will make them happen; the boys and I will make them happen.”

As I theorized before, Yunho’s brother’s dream was related to music. Yunho even mentions doing street performances together at Han River. At some point his bother gave up, so Yunho wants to make it happen for him. 

Also good news, Yunho’s bother isn’t dead!!

“When the time time comes, you must wake up from the long hibernation. I want to show you all of it! I’ll be back tomorrow. Good night!”

Yunho’s brother seems to be in a coma, so Yunho goes to visit him everyday. I think maybe the message Yunho receives is either related to the acccident, or might be bad news about his brother’s state. Both of those theories could trigger Yunho’s recalling of the accident. Still have no solid theory about Mingi.

 04 YEOSANG: Just like a midsummer night’s dream

Yeosang’s diary entry gives a lot of new details about his personality, and I think maybe a clue about his role in the bigger picture. Also is important to note that the FEVER: Part One track “Dear Diary: 2017.07.29″ belongs to Yeosnag’s diary. The lyrics fit his writing prompt, and ahead there is a part that also fits the lyrics.

But going back to Yeosang, he has a very perfectly planned life, and the only thing he finds personal pleasure in is fixing things.

“I was never too good with mechanincs. It all started when I dismantled the speaker. Everytime I felt stuffy, I would disassemble various appliances or instruments and then reassemble them back together.”

I highlighted the speaker part because it reminded me of Jongho’s Diary scene. Probably nothing but I found it interesting.

Yeosnag must have been looking for things to break apart in the area where the hideout was, and that’s how he met the members, and that’s how he found a new love for music.

“My parents had everything planned for me: doing the same routine at the exact time. The only time I could go out of this cycle was when I disassembled and reassembled things. Thanks to this weird habit I met the guys. That day in that shabby warehouse a group of guys I’d normally run away from, asked me if I knew how to work a drone. This whole encounter was a little strange! [...] The sound of music is what brought me to that place. From that day on, I went everyday”

Now here is where this diary entry connects to the “Dear Diary” intro. The words in bold are the ones that are part of “Dear Diary”. 

“For the first time, hearts pounding like it’s about to burst and this tingling feeling coming up from my fingertips started to take over me. Was there a moment when I wanted something this bad? One by one more kids started to say my name. The path that I slowly walked with one antoher person became a path to many. Slowly, the word ‘I’, became ‘ours’ (us)”

This makes it official that Yeosang is the owner of the diary being read in the album intro. Also, the person writing the english parts seems a little bit off with it at times, especially in the AR photocards. I think what it was meant to say at the end is “us”, not “our”, since they are the same word in Korean, so it might have slipped the translator.

Now, I believe this is very important. Because Yeosang was forced to give up on the boys because of his parents. 

“Dancing was such a mind-blowin activity. Even if I saw my parent’s worried faces flashing before my eyes, I just could stop. [...] However now I must leave the ‘our’ (us). If I back out everything will be back to normal, the scattered members and the stolen hideout. I’m sorry, guys” 

I wonder if this is why ATEEZ is trying to rescue the trapped Yeosang in Say My Name. Following the Inception concept theory, they might have entered Yeosang’s dream to try and rescue him, because as it was said before, Yeosang is a central piece to the story. Maybe it has something to do with his ability to build things?

05 SAN: I don’t know

Oh boy do I have some things to ask to San. This is by far the story that annoys me the most and is probably stupid but.... well you’ll see. His entry starts with him complaining about being unable to connect with people before having to leave them.

“[...] I’ve never had time to open up. Every time I got closer to someone, I had to move. It’s happening again today. But this time is a little different. Now I have friends to talk to about my feelings. As soon as I saw them, I knew right off the bat, they were like me”

“Oh, Seonghwa was a little different. He never tried to do anything the traditional way, he was always “HIS” way”

This is in capital letters, and I can’t help to think that the members who are mentioned by others give clues as to what “side” they are on later on in the story. The way he mentions Seonghwa like that but doens’t bring it up again, could fit in my theory that Seonghwa takes a bigger role in another part of the story.

“Can I just leave like that now that I have a place of my own... What should I say to Wooyoung? Thanks to him, thanks to my friends, I was able to perfect my dance moves”

Wooyoung is a very popular member in the story, as expected of the person that so far has been proved to be the most central member to the storyline.

And now..... let’s talk about that

“Bobo, what should I do? What? You want me to do it “MY” way?”

Now, who in the ever-living-hell is Bobo. It’s a given name, since he refers to them as “Bobo-yah”. And if you think it’s just a passing comment, sadly for me, it isn’t!!! just wait and look at his AR card later!!

 06 MINGI: the sound of his laughter

Here we have someone else talking about Wooyoung. Honestly I was surprised people asked me about Woosan as a ship being important because San mentioned him once (1) but Mingi’s story is entirely dedicated to Wooyoung and his laugh and people decided to ignore it for the sake of their own narrative but ANYWAYS

“Music was my haven, my escape, my one and only relief. When I feel like dying, I listen to music”

“Only a few friends names you remember through elementary, middle and high school. [...] No one talked to me, but that is mainly because I didn’t answer if they try talking to me. But Wooyoung was different. Not that I remember [...] Wooyoung would always come next to me during every break. Whether I answer or not. He would go on with his stories [...] and that music team he works with outside of school. He always tops it with a signature smile of his, which naturally made me laugh. Out of shyness, I started calling him “Woo-ong. Ah that laugh of his. He was the first friend I opened up to”

So we have someone else who owes a lot to Wooyoung. I wonder if this is why we see Mingi breaking the chains that restrain Wooyoung during WONDERLAND. This will come back later.

“[...] It was around that time too when I followed him to the hideout for the first time; the place where I could dream. They were friends who took me as I am. They accepted me as who I am, regardless of where I live who my parents were. But now I’m getting scared, can I really have a dream? Will it not be taken away from me?”

This is Mingi doubting if he’s allowed to have dreams since he’s not in a position where he can allow himself to have such lavish dreams. And so the fight with Jongho happened.

 07 WOOYOUNG: It’s different this time

 I love how Wooyoung’s diary entries are subtle flexes.

“Will I fail again? When I was practicing and dancing alone, I was pretty confident! My practice video on social media has reached over 100.000 views. Many people contacted me and even big entertainment agencies offered me to audition for them. But once I felt their look towards me, I just couldn’t move [...] I closed my eyes trying to escape, and then Seonghwa’s voice popped in my head. I felt their presence even though they were nowhere to be seen”

This is probably what we saw on the Diary Film, different setting but definitely what is supposed to represent on those flahbacks. Once again Seonghwa seems to stand out among the other members when it comes to his way of doing things.

"I had a habit of overchatting to overcome stage fright and I practiced laughing to hide my shyness. It was a defense mechanism of mine to focus”

I just found this cute because it means he was nervous about Mingi back then.

“The firs time I met Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho were at the street performance [...] When I danced with them I wasn’t self-conscious. My legs are tense. The first step, the step that I was never able to do, the chain that was trying my body, was magically released"

The chain thing again! I mentioned in my Inception post how it’s tied to WONDERLAND, at least definitley by the concept of Inception in on itself.

 08. JONGHO: I had it all planned

Finally we find out why Jongho beat Mingi on the Diary Film! Here Jongho recalls how he felt after he was forced to give up on basketball, his first dream.

“I felt like I was drowning. No matter how hard I tried, I was still stuck in the exact same spot [...] everything inside me was lifeless, as good as being dead”

“That lifeless look, before Yunho grabbing my hand, looked so much like me. My hand is throbbing from the pain. Mingi clealry saw the fist coming his way but didn’t try to avoid it. His lifeless eyes are still haunting me. When Mingi said he would quit, that our dream was a luxury, and that the time we spent together meant nothing to him, I couldn’t stand but to punch him. Funny enough, it was a heart-brekaing moment for me but also the time I started dreaming again. At that time, I didn’t know how to reach out to a lost Mingi. Where are we, where should we go?”

So Mingi decided to give up on his dream because he felt giving up on it before it was stripped away from him by the tough reality of his situation, and so Jongho couldn’t stand it.

Z OUTRO: Into the New World

The title here proves how ahead the staff was with thin concept even before ATEEZ was created. If you remember, ATEEZ was going to be named “New World”, so this proves that this concept already existed even before the group was created. Now, just like the Diary Film, this is told from Hongjoong’s prespective again.

“Even though I lost my dream and my family again, there was nothing I could do. Everyone left and here I am, lost again”

He recalls how little by little, all the members drifted apart.

“On a summer day [...] we decided to go our separate ways”

Now I wonder if this, the day they went their separate ways, is the date on the diary, July 29, 2016. This could also be the date of the entry in Yeosnag’s diary, as well as the “Dear Diary” intro, which as we found out, is the day he decided to abandon them.

“All because our dream of being together have become like shackles that hold us down. The scorhcing sun melted away even our dream of youth and made it disappear [...] Even if, not often, the promises we made were pushed back day by day, and we forgot about each other. It was around that time when I began seeing him in my dreams”

“The man in the fedora [...] a somehow familiar, but tired eyes”

Now, this is supposed to be Hongjoong, even if he himself said he wasn’t aware it was supposed to be him.

“You lost your dream not because of the tough reality, but because you guys decided to. Get rid of the idea that the world you see is everything. There are many dimensions and many relaities in this world. The world I am in, the world you are in, are all real. I want to tell you everything, but I don’t have much time right now”

so HALAteez really seem to be on ATEEZ’s side. At least here, because during SMN, Hongjoong said their role was to stop Real ATEEZ. And now, the big reveal! Turns out the hourglass has a name, and it’s The Cromer.

 “The Cromer. The key to connecting the world. [...] Follow your heart. The map is there”

 That’s when HALAteez disappears, and we go back to the end of the Diary Film.

“I fell asleep in the hideout where no one was looking for me. [...] Wasn’t it a dream? While looking at the Cromer I inadvertently turned it around. The sand in the hourglass started to flow from bottom to top. The iron door then opened and I could hear the footsteps coming closer one by one. The guys then gathered around me with the smae puzzled face”

The highlighted parts are what the secret code in the ANSWER albums say.

Now, onto the AR photocards. As I said before, these take place in the future of the Diary Film events. (thank you so much to @honggers for helping me find them!!)

HONGJOONG

"Cromer... The treasure that made us dream again. The one who appeared in our dreams, and because of Cromer lying in front of my eyes when I woke up from my dream, I was able to protect the members. Though it was difficult and lonely at times, I was able to endure these days thanks to our members. Therefore, everything became all of mine and when the members began scattering away I had a heartache so painful I wanted to die. Though I might not know what lies ahead of me, the most important part of my life than this new world is our members who I cherish like family and continue to protect in our dream”

Okay so all the things highlighted in there make me think that this version of Hongjoong seems very intense. The members are all he has and this sounds like he would go as far as he could to keep them together. Could he go as far as to keep them in a dream against their will?

SEONGHWA

“Those who knew me would have never thought that I will be in this place. In fact, they can’t even imagine the existence of this place... I am.. No! We are here with fear and also, excitement. Each day was full of mystery. What will happen today? My knowledge about common sense, different logic and numbers faded away, just like the day I first saw her”

This is the first time “this place” is mentioned, which I’m pretty sure refers to either a diferent dimension or the illusion they have sunken themselves into.

YUNHO

"Brother how is everything? Can you see this place where I am at? I’m going to believe you are watching me. This place is unique yet fmailiar. In no doubt I can assure you that this place is not the same place you and I dreamt of. You can’t really hear the music here. In fact, I don’t see anyone here who feels happy about lsitening to music. So, we want to sing to the people here and of course with great choreography. Brother, I miss you.”

Now, Yunho is the first member that seems unhappy here. He misses his brother, he really wants to go back to him at some point. And also, this is not the dream Yunho had in mind, this is not the dream his brother had, which was his main reason to join the group. Maybe Yunho is having second thoughts.

YEOSANG

"Father, I’m walking on a path that I might never be able to return from again. I used to only walk on a clear and pretty path, where there’s not even a single peck of pebbles to be seen. But now, as I walk down an uneven path, my feet keep throbbing. Though my feet are killing me, my heart is in a state of tranquility. I feel like I’m free from your world. I am able to express this new freedom that I’ve never experienced before. Though I love you and mother, I wasn’t happy at all the in the world that you and mother were in. With my friends, I am now going to the place that I chose.”

Yeosnag seems very happy whenever they are, but the part in which he says “might never be able to return from again” might be a problem for other members.

SAN

“I laughed all the time because I never relaly got too close. Actually, I had to say farewell before I even got close. Then I met again. This is what the word “friend” meant to me. Therefore, the only friend that I can open up to was my friend Bobo, who was always there beside me. I’ve never been away so long with Bobo. I’m worried if Bobo is eating well or not... Hopefully, Bobo is worried about me as well. Hey Bobo, I am on a starnge journey with my first real friends. I’m not too sure how I am here or where I am but don’t worry too much. I will be back. I promise.”

Who the fuck is Bobo. Who the fuck is Bobo who thE FUCK!!

At first it didn’t seem that important but San’s whole AR photocard is dedicated to them!! And just like with Yunho, San is determined to come back for Bobo, so he too might have trouble with the “never coming back” part of the journey. I think Bobo might be a pet, or a doll, an imaginary friend (?) he did say “real friends” so...

MINGI

“I want this moment to last forever. The moment I had with my friends and being able to feel joy and happiness. I almost ruined it all. If I had not been here, I wouldn’t be able to get it back. No matter where this palce is, it doens’t matter what happens from now on.”

Another member who doens’t seem to want this to end, ever. I wouldn’t be surprised, since Mingi and Hongjoong get a lot of visual shots together. 

WOOYOUNG

"Today was the day I was supposed to sign the contract. It was actaully a good oportunity that people would envy. It was a chance to debut in a big company and a success story in front of my eyes.  But what’s the point of doing this, when I can’t go back. What if I can go back? Hmm... Let’s not think about it. Friends will mock me.”

Okay, first of all. Flex. 

Second, this is what Wooyoung meant by “taking the easy way out” on his prompt, he could have had it easy, but instead chose the memebers. Also... Wooyoung what are you thinking? Does he know about the Cromer? He said “friends will mock me” so does that mean he knew about a way of coming back before even Hongjoong was offered the Cromer? After all, Wooyoung is carrying the Cromer during ANSWER, and he seems to be attached to it. Once again, Wooyoung is a central piece of the story, but he’s teasing us once again.

JONGHO

"An empty court, basketball, teammates, everything during my teens. I saw myself when I gave up all this through the loneliness look in Mingi’s eyes. At that time, my eyes would have been the same. I wanted to talk to him. Don’t give up, and I’m sorry. I came here all of a sudden without even be able to talk to him. My heart aches more when Mingi showed his kindness towards me as if nothing happened”

So Jongho and Mingi are back to being friends. The girls aren’t fighting anymore. There is peace.

THE MAN WITH THE BLACK FEDORA

“What’s the point of keeping these dreams when we have to give up things that matter?” “Is this that worth even where I have to let go of myself?” Whatever the answer is, it is your own decision”

I believe these questions are being asked by either Hongjoong or the members. They have to give up not only their lives, but it seems that they have to give up a part of themselves. Could that be when their lyrics wonder about who or where they are, or if anyhting is real at all?

#ateez #my hands hurt someone please read this lmao #ateez theory

[morbidcorvids]

Eri going out for trick or treating with Hizashi and then a villain attack happens. Hizashi could only do was keep Eri safe since he didn't have his speaker. Then gets nabbed by the villain who has a spider quirk and tangles him up in his web while Eri is safe somewhere.

Prompt #1! I had so much fun writing this! Hope you liked it! This would also be publised on AO3.

Quick note: I am still taking prompts!

Title: Halloween Fright

It was probably the 20th picture he had taken that night, but he couldn’t help it - Eri just looked so darn cute in that cat costume. It was mostly a black onesie with paws, and of course the headband with cat ears, but Eri loved it the minute she wore it. Of course, Shouta was the one to suggest the costume when they went out looking for costumes a week ago. 

Even when he tried to hide it, Hizashi noticed how downhearted Shouta was when he learned he had to patrol during Halloween night. 

Shouta promised he would join them later in the evening, but Hizashi knew how unpredictable the night could be, especially on a night like this. 

For now it was only Hizashi in his custom made pirate costume and Eri as a black cat. They calmly passed by a busy street filled with an array of stores, where candy was being given. It was the first time Eri was officially celebrating Halloween, and learning that you could get candy for free opened a new dimension for her.  

As they kept walking, Hizashi didn’t expect to find Shouta’s mentee, Shinsou, among the crowd. Hizashi approached him, greeting him in his usual Present Mic style, and Shinsou explained to him how he usually volunteered in the near orphanage during Halloween. Given how late it was, Hizashi suggested he joined them, since being alone at night can be dangerous. He knew the boy was more than capable of taking care of himself, but he couldn’t help his hero heart to keep him close. 

Everything was peaceful and calm, and that in itself should have been the first sign that something was bound to happen. 

The trio stopped by Shouta’s favorite cat café,  where they were given out free candies and showing the cats in adorable outfits. Hizashi hadn't even stepped foot inside the café, when suddenly one of the parked cars flipped over and crashed into another car. 

Hizashi immediately covered Eri, making sure the little girl was protected not only from the crash, but also the chaos of people running and screaming that surrounded them. Hizashi hated the scene - parents running and carrying their kids to safety. Who could be so heartless to attack in a place filled with families? 

A dark figure loomed around the street - almost as if it was searching for prey. Hizashi couldn’t see clearly, but it looked like the person in question could change his arms and legs into long stick ones. They were a total of eight of them, and while they looked thin, its sharp blades at the end crushed the concrete as it walked. Hizashi’s head was spiraling as he thought of what the criminal might be resembling, but he knew it was mostly denial that he couldn’t outright say it.

They were like daddy long legs. They were like spiders. 

Hizashi gulped. This was not the right time to be an arachnophobe. 

He cursed himself for leaving his headphones and directional speakers, questioning what kind of hero would leave so unprepared like him. There was no time for these thoughts, though, because his number one priority was keeping Eri safe. 

He noticed through his peripheral vision Shinsou wrapping his binding cloth, and his heart instinctively sank. He knew how capable Shinsou was as a future hero, but being the only pro-hero in the place, he felt the need to protect him as well. 

“Shinsou!” Hizashi yelled, startling the purple-haired boy. Shinsou looked back at him, clutching his binding scarf tightly. 

“I need you to take Eri somewhere safe, and when you can, call for help!” 

Hizashi gently pushed Eri towards Shinsou, with the teen opening his arms to embrace her. Her eyes were wide in fear, but after living with her dad Aizawa for so long, she’s learned to calm down and think of her safety first. She just wished Aizawa was here with her at the moment. She grasped onto Shinsou’s shirt, hiding her face. If Present Mic trusted the boy, then she would also trust him. 

“But teacher, you don’t have your hero gear!” Shinsou shouted as Hizashi ran away from them. Hizashi turned around to look back at Shinsou, keeping a wide smile. Don’t scare them any further with your own pathetic fears, Hizashi. 

“I’ll be okay, little listener. Just go get help, okay?” Hizashi stated, placing a thumbs up. He wanted to assure the teen that everything was under control.

The only problem was that it wasn’t. 

As soon as he finished his uttering his sentence, he felt something grabbing his ankles and yanking him away from the kids. He heard Shinsou yell his name, but he was soon covered in sticky silk that left no part of his body uncovered except for his nose. He tried to free himself from the webbing, but it felt like the more he resisted the stronger it got. His fingers were probably bruised over the pressure of the silk, but that didn’t stop him from stretching them as much as he could. He figured that freedom was hopeless, and just hoped Shinsou and Eri got away, but those fears were soon overshadowed by new ones. 

The fear for his life. 

And the terrible, irrational fear he has for spiders. 

He heard the muffle crawling of the criminal approaching him, and he began frantically moving around - trying anything to set himself free. He didn’t know the villain’s intentions, but capturing Hizashi like if he was prey could only mean bad news. He was the desperate insect that knew his inevitable fate was coming. 

He could use his voice, but that might bring the consequence of destroying everything around him, and he didn’t know how many people were still inside buildings or in close proximity. He also wasn’t sure if Shinsou and Eri were nearby, and hurting them was the least thing he wanted to do. The blood-curdling sound of those spider legs grew closer, Hizashi’s breathing became erratic and all he could was gasp for air. 

The crawling suddenly stopped, instead filled by a screeching scraping sound that made Hizashi’s body shudder. He heard something being thrown into nearby cars, sizzling sounds, and shouts all blended into a terrifying mix. He felt someone above him maneuvering over the sticky webs, and then heard something faint that sounded like-

Cutting! Someone was cutting the web! Hizashi has never felt more relieved over a sound than now.  

“Stay calm and still!” Hizashi heard a muffled voice order - and for someone as restless as he was, Hizashi stayed perfectly still. He had no idea who talked to him, only that voice sounded like a female. 

“Are you ready, Eraser?” The voice asked, sounding clearer than last time. Wait, Eraserhead was here-

Hizashi couldn’t even process his thoughts before a final snap released him from his binds. He freaked out when he didn’t feel the ground, and before he could grab onto the spider’s silk - gravity pulled down his body. . 

Instead of meeting the concrete floor, he felt the force of arms sustaining him. He opened his eyes carefully, meeting a pair of familiar ones. He gaped at Shouta for who knows how long, but that didn’t matter to him. 

Shouta was carrying him - bridal style. 

If he wasn’t frightened to death, he probably would have blushed...to death. 

“That was an ugly quirk,” Shouta commented, with his usual deadpanned tone. Though, for someone who’s known him for many years as Hizashi, he knew Shouta was joking to comfort him. Shouta was probably one of the few people that knew of his phobia for spiders.  

Hizashi smiled softly, punching Shouta lightly on his shoulders. 

“I’m glad my favorite hero got to save me,” Hizashi responded, “and on Halloween night!” 

Shouta rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, Eri needs to finish trick-or-treating.” 

Shouta helped Hizashi back on the ground, and went to pick up the pirate hat that Hizashi dropped when he was grabbed by the villain. He placed it on his head, and glanced back at Hizashi, with the hint of a smile on his face. 

“Follow me.”

Hizashi chuckled, and performed a dramatic salute. 

“Ay, ay, Captain!”

Fin.

#erasermic #aizawa shouta #present mic #aizawa #bnha #yamada hizashi #ao3 would be much better with italics #morbidcorvids #prompts #eri

[lovelylogans]

what are your favorite episodes of gilmore girls?

ooOOOOOOH GREAT QUESTION i’ll break it down season by season:

season one

pilot. i mean, obviously. it sets them all up so well, character-wise; plus, you can tell some episodes in season one that were filmed shortly after the pilot vs a while later, just bc of emily’s differing hair lengths

the lorelai’s first day at chilton: introduces such great characters (paris, madeline, louise) and also is such a great way to continue the transition into learning about this world

rory’s birthday parties: god. just. the stark difference between emily and richard’s world vs stars hollow...... the found family of practically all of stars hollow showing up to rory’s home party...... “lorelai’s right. i don’t know my daughter at all.”...... God

forgiveness and stuff: like, gOD. a masterclass of acting especially from kelly bishop and lauren graham; it hits so differently after edward hermann’s actual passing. luke and lorelai’s relationship displayed on what he’d do for her. lord!

paris is burning: paris................ the Beginning of turning from enemies to friends...... plus, like, you get to see some of lorelai’s commitment issues, which plays out throughout the entire series (sometimes To My Great Aggravation)

concert interruptus: the bangles 🥺paris and rory 🥺

christopher returns: i mean. you see the dynamic between rory and christopher, lorelai and christopher, and emily, richard, and christopher, which just paints such a clearer picture of what lorelai’s life might have been like back then. PLUS, emily being soft toward rory; it’s one of my fave relationship moments for them, and i kind of regret taking that line from her and giving it to christopher in wyliwf.

star crossed lovers and other strangers: the same way we get to see emily and rory, we get to see richard and lorelai; also, you can see how lorelai’s commitment issues might have inadvertently affected rory in this. plus i love love LOVE the backstory of the stars hollow lovers festival, i wish they’d repeated it in later seasons!

emily in wonderland: i really wish you’d gotten to see the effect of learning about lorelai and rory living in the shed play out more than a one-episode arc, i really wish we did, but like. emily bishop, once again, acting her damn heart out. phenomenal.

season two

the road trip to harvard: you get to see the beginnings of how rory leaving for college might affect lorelai, plus you get to see rory in her ivy league habitat. luke getting so suddenly, “inexplicably” cheerful when he hears that lorelai’s not marrying max. and at the very ending emily being sympathetic to max. bless it.

nick & nora/sid & nancy: first jess ep. “dodger.” what else is there to say. points off lorelai tho for immediately losing it at jess when he snarks at her, when, like, that is your move, lorelai, you should recognize that?

presenting lorelai gilmore: rory stepping more and more into her grandparents’ world in a way lorelai never wanted to; though i don’t ship christopher and lorelai, their dance scene is adorable. plus, emily and richard fighting a bit and the beginnings of richards (seasons long!) arc about his journey with his work.

the ins and oust of inns: MIA. you get to see mia for the first time! lorelai and sookie having a fight is :( but you get to see lorelai’s turmoil over actually leaving the inn. emily coming to see mia! luke yelling at the town over them being rude about luke! lorelai coming to his defense! rory telling jess off and jess wordlessly fixing luke’s toaster in silent apology!

the bracebridge dinner: GOD. love it. the horses and carriages! the absurd historical acting! emily and richard! rory and jess! luke and lorelai! it’s fantastic!

a-tisket, a-tasket: I LOVE THIS EPISODE. some of the town absurdity that was just A Plus. “it’s not like she’s shipping off to ‘nam!” is a great line. jackson proposing to sookie! and poor lane........

there’s the rub: emily and lorelai, seeing how great they could get along, but seeing how either of them wreck it just when it’s getting a-okay. god. it’s just such a great microcosm of their relationship.

dead uncles and vegetables: luke......... Luke. lorelai and rory and jess all rallying around him in their ways, and stars hollow by extension. even tho they were pretty shitty at first, they, like. managed to make it up to him in the end.

lorelai’s graduation day: GOD LAUREN GRAHAM, KELLY BISHOP, AND EDWARD HERMANN KILL IN THE GRADUATION SCENE!!!!! i ADORE that shot of the three of them, gets me every single time!!! the only thing i dislike about it is rory accidentally missing the graduation bc....... :/. like. i really like jess. but. come on.

i can’t get started: sookie’s wedding!!! her freaking out over the cake so much in her dress is So Her, she looked so pretty omg! plus, if the spa ep is a good microcosm of emily and lorelai, this is a great microcosm for christopher and lorelai. plus!!!! RORY AND JESS FIRST KISS!!!!!!

season three (look, full disclosure, seasons 3/4 are like. my faves. so)

haunted leg: gosh. lauren graham kills it in that last couple scenes. plus! kirk asking lorelai out on a date is hilarious! emily and lorelai’s lunch at luke’s going So Bad! and i know that not a ton of people like the francie chilton student politics intrigue subplot isn’t great for some people, but i do think that the potential was Great and there are definitely some really good scenes that arose from that subplot, so

take the deviled eggs... like. just. a great blend of town insanity (patty’s new boy, the town loner pitching a protest no one knows the reason behind) and lorelai and rory bonding (by deviled-egging jess’ CAR) and just!!! yes!!!!

they shoot gilmores, don’t they?: i mean. come ON. what list would be complete without this? literally every single favorites list has this episode on there. the dance marathon is the perfect example of town insanity! lane and dave getting their bonding! that little luke and lorelai moment about having kids! that scene of rory crying into lorelai’s shoulder!

a deep-fried korean thanksgiving: i love the whole “three thanksgivings” thing. Can Relate, Do Understand. i think that lorelai freaking out at rory for applying to yale is definitely a contrived subplot (i mean. she was never going to apply to only harvard. ma’am.) but i do like seeing sookie, and luke and jess, and just.... Yeah

dear emily and richard: our ONLY flashback ep! while i do think that only lauren graham can really pull lorelai off, the actress is, like, fairly decent (young christopher, however, does not really fit) and you just! yeah! you get to see them back in their youth and FINALLY get the context of how lorelai ran away!

the big one: like! yay paris! lorelai’s reaction (”i’ve got the good kid!”) is Gross, Frankly! it’s gross and bad! but also poor paris 🥺but!!! rory helping to comfort her afterwards!! richard falling asleep in the middle and having No idea of what just went down is also inexplicably hilarious to me!

those are strings, pinocchio: i mean. it’s the graduation episode. God. i just???? god. it’s such a great episode, there’s so many great moments, i just. 🥺

season four

the lorelais’ first day at yale: a great little titling parallel to chilton, but also, rory panicking when lorelai leaves is like. such a Thing ya know??? i just. yeah. i really like that ep it’s a nice introduction

the festival of living art: one, this show won its only emmy bc of the makeup, so that alone is great. uh, kirk being so adversary to the guy who plays judas is god tier humor! plus! sookie and jackson having their baby!

ted koppel’s big night out: THE FOOTBALL GAME EPISODE! i actually kind of love it, but more the first half than the latter; it’s such an emily and richard way to prepare for a football game, you know? and then meeting pennilyn lott! igniting the arc of emily and richard having doubts about their marriage which has Acting! Moments! but this also has jason and lorelai’s first date, which i Dislike, bc i Dislike Jason Very Much.

nag hammadi is where they found the gnostic gospels: seeing jess come back into town and you get to see how unfinished things are between him and rory..... the luke angst..... Yes.

the incredible sinking lorelais: a very realistic part of college, imo, in which you feel overwhelmed and anxious and EVERYTHING SUCKS NOW CAN I JUST CALL MY MOM, though i wish they’d set it up a bit more and followed it longer than an episode, and also that rory hadn’t gone to dean; but also, trix, and richard standing up to her, which!

scene in a mall: idk i just love this episode? seeing emily in her shopping element; seeing her break down in that way; seeing how shopping is like, one of her Only ways to execute power, and how she’s kind of jealous of lorelai’s career bc she was born into a generation where the only thing it was really acceptable for her to do was cultivate a husband and a nice house; plus!!! that last bit of emily and richard and the apples at the table just BREAKS your heart!!!

girls in bikinis, boys doin’ the twist: SPRING BREAAAAK which is so unexpected for paris and rory and therefore very funny. you get to see madeline and louise again—i actually really love their characters, lmao! paris and rory kiss! just! yeah!

tick, tick, tick, boom!/afterboom: another “idk i just enjoy it” episode. richard and floyd coming to a head; kirk’s easter egg hunt; seeing little davey. however i have some Words for rory because lindsay deserves better??? i understand that she could get a part time job but also MIND YOUR BUSINESS?????? dean’s the one taking classes! that’s an unnecessary expense! he has two jobs!! he’s allowed to take a pause!!! also i can’t believe i’m forced to defend dean right now!!! fuck asher, tho, but yay! breaking up with jason!!! yay breaking up with jason!!!!!!

luke can see her face/last week fights, this week tights: i can’t, okay??? i literally had to. the beginning of jess’ (admittedly mostly off-screen) development arc! luke and the self-help books! the absurdity of the renaissance wedding! the WEDDING DANCE!!! 

raincoats and recipes: truly an episode has never gone from such a “FUCK YESSSSSS FINALLY” scene to a “FUCK NOOOOOO WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGG” but honestly it’s just. it’s Such a fantastic episode like i can’t

season five

written in the stars: their first date 🥺the horoscope 🥺”i am in, lorelai. i am all in.” 🥺 HER GOING DOWNSTAIRS IN JUST HIS SHIRT 🥺 HIM YELLING AT THE TOWN ABOUT HOW IT’S THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS 🥺🥺🥺

we got us a pippi virgin: literally the concept alone of “nearly coming to blows via bop it” is great. also luke being like “rory is like pippi!” and showing off what a high regard he holds her in 🥺

emily says hello: LITERALLY so many great little things about this episode. emily deciding she wants to try dating! rory and christopher snapping at each other! KELLY BISHOP’S ACTING AFTER THE DATE WHEN SHE CLOSES THE DOOR ON HIM AND BURSTS INTO TEARS!!!!!!!

women of questionable morals: the dog. 

wedding bell blues: HUNDREDTH EPISODE couldn’t NOT make it on here, so here it is!!! luke and lorelai looking at each other when she’s next to the aisle! luke and christopher both yelling and logan—AcTING! also emily being so manipulative even on her second wedding day, it’s just So classically her, and kelly bishop and lauren graham in the final scene is just. Mwah!

so... good talk: rory literally stepping into lorelai’s shoes for a dinner and being the one to snap at emily and richard is Such a role reversal for her but honestly whenever it does happen i actually really enjoy seeing the dichotomy between the grandparents seeing rory as their perfect little second chance and lorelai seeing her as her mini-me and how rory walks the line between each. AND THAT ENDING KISS SCENE BETWEEN LUKE AND LORELAI????? I CAN’T?????

pulp friction: LORELAI CONTINUING TO ICE OUT EMILY AND RICHARD!!!!! the yelling scene at the diner!!!! plus seeing the chilton skirt come out again was nice imo i too have reused private schoolwear

season six (the season, admittedly, i have watched the least)

we’ve got magic to do: the outfits of the dar bash. paris’ sudden dedication to the proletariat. emily’s rant to shira. that is all

twenty-one is the loneliest number: them finally starting to talk; “this is luke, my soon-to-be-stepfather”; the pastor scene is also just. hilarious. but also so very richard and emily

let me hear your balalaikas ringing out: lorelai’s emotions toward paul anka being sick Oof and luke and the soccer team lmao but also JESS RETUUUUURNS!!!!! RORY SNAPS OUT OF IT!!!!!! FINALYYYYYYY!!!!

friday night’s alright for fighting: literally the montage of all of them intercut with fighting and them sitting in silence while the other two yell in the background to them laughing is just. Peak gilmore

this turned out..... even longer than expected lmao

#not ts #Anonymous #ask

[nctzendreamz]

Crazy, Rich, and They Hate Me :: Finale

Jaehyun finally takes you home, but he forgets to mention that his family is the richest in South Korea.

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  

Part Six  Part Seven  Part Eight  Part Nine

Jaehyun x Reader ft. NCT

Genre: Angst/ Fluff

You and Jasmine had ran to eachother for a lot of things. Boy problems, girl problems, health problems, money problems; any problem. But as you stood infront of her door, the audio of the doorbell making your ears ring even worse. You didn’t want to be here.

This had to have hit too close to home, right? I mean, during your whole friendship it was a running joke that the two of you were the complete opposite, when in reality you were more alike than either of you had wanted.

You knew if you just pulled up, sad attempt to confess what just happened, you wouldn’t be able to open your mouth. You were guaranteed to make up some lie about how his mom officially forbade you to be in a relationship with Jaehyun, so you told her the whole story as you walked to this destination.

Before an hour ago, you felt so pretty. Usually you hated red, but that way Jaehyun’s eyes just couldn’t leave your body made you feel a confidence you hadn’t felt in too long looking so dressed up. You hated him now. You knew it wasn’t his fault. But you did. You never wanted to see him again.

A now familiar sight to you, the door slid open, but the Jasmine you had known all your life wasn’t behind the door. There was nothing but pure sympathy in her eyes, and she opened the door at a slow place. She clearly didn’t know exactly how to react, not that she was supposed to.

“I’m so sorry.” Her voice trembled.

Tears were the only source of communication you could give her.

“I’ve been gone a month, Jangmi. A month!” Minjun screamed, clearly fuming as he paced back and forth around their eerily empty mansion.

Jaehyun hadn’t had such a moment since he was a child. No one in sight except the three of them. No workers running around, ready to do whatever they asked. Not even the smell of dinner from his grandma could be scented. And his dad being here? This couldn’t be real.

“What is that supposed to mean?” His mother argued, staying seated on her velvet loveseat. Her and her son both silently agreed that they couldn’t be near eachother right now. She was on one side of the seat, while Jaehyun had completely rose when she arrived to the scene, unable to look her in the eye.

“I told you that Jaehyun was serious about that girl, didn’t I?”

“Was I supposed to take you seriously? Hm?” She protested loudly, her voice raising in volume with each word. “Why are you yelling at me when you should be yelling at your son!”

“My son?” He scoffed. “You mean our son.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Our son found a woman that he loves. What’s the problem?”

“Did you not just hear what I told you?” She accused. “Her life will completely ruin our reputation. Every single thing the world thinks our son is, will crumble as if it was never there. Why can’t you see that!”

Jaehyun was trying his best to keep up with the heated discussion that echoed through his childhood home. But the only thing at the forefront of his mind was you. A nervous habit he had formed after falling in love with you; his body rocked back and forth, and his fingers couldn’t remove themselves from the grip of his teeth as he thought about all the terrible things that could’ve happened to you in the last hour.

He had never hated himself until today. Why did he bring you here? He should’ve just kept you a secret. He should’ve flew for the festivities, and came back to you tomorrow morning, where your life would still be intact. Your self-esteem would be at its normal level, where all he had to worry about were things that he could fix with his kisses and sweet nothings.

His bloody hands had been wrapped all alone, although in any other situation, his mother would’ve taken care of it. They probably would’ve joked around about his bruises, or something similar. That was the mother he knew. This vile, angry beast that he watched approach his father with sharp fingers wasn’t who he loved.

He didn’t want to be here anymore. Even in the bask of his fathers glory who was clearly fighting for him, couldn’t make him want to be here. His life was over, and not because of your news. It was because he knew; he fucking knew clearer than ever now that he had lost you for good. And it was his fault. All those times he tried to be the good guy, not trying to start any conflict. For the sake of you, and him, and your serenity, but it was doing nothing.

He let this happen, and now he had to pay the price.

He stood up abruptly, the both of his parents stopping their arguing to stare at him. He looked broken. He didn’t need a mirror to see that. He felt it. He felt too many things right now. If he didn’t go into his room right now, he didn’t know what was going to happen.

“Where do you think you’re going!” His mother spat. How bold of her. If anything, she should be begging for his forgiveness, but she couldn’t even stuff her pride.

“Jangmi, let him deal with everything that just happened. Let him breathe.”

“No. He needs to hear what we’re going through simply because of him. You came home expecting good news, but now we’re broken.”

Jaehyun continued to take gentle steps forward, remembering your own techniques for calming down. He never thought things like this worked, and he was correct in this theory.

“Your mother is—

“Mom! I am angry at you! More than angry!” He yelled suddenly, shaking the house. The minute he had to use his diaphragm, the burning of his nose took it as a signal to let the liquid drip from his eyes. “Do you not realize what the fuck you just did to me? Are you really that blind? You ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I let you.” He trailed, looking at his higher power in embarrassment. “I let you.” He giggled through his tears now, looking nothing less of a psychopath. “You, the cousins, Yuna, grandma, everyone here. I let you guys trick me into believing you could be saved. I watched you destroy everything she had going for her when she came here, and I let you.”

“Son...” his father attempted to approach him, but Jaehyun snapped his shoulder away, making him flinch at once.

He wanted to say so many more things. Things that he didn’t mean, just so his mother could feel the hurt that was making his body pulse. But he decided to keep walking, knowing he wouldn’t be stopped this time.

Days had passed, and your phone had been off for the same amount of time. You wanted no parts in seeing any pictures of you and him. You didn’t want to see all of his apologies. You wanted to go home.

“Y/N, you need to eat.” Jasmine would say everyday. Even Heechul, who always had a snarky comment was being extra sweet to you, making you little pastries that were said to soothe you.

You’d always eat just enough to protect yourself from any true damage you could do to your body. You would always feel as if you had to throw up, but it would never actually happen. You knew it was all in your head.

The silk sheets that rested on your body were so uncomfortable right now; more proof that this life wasn’t for you. They were making you so hot.

“Y/N.” Jasmine’s soothing voice whispered into the large space of her many spare bedrooms, one you had happened to choose. You expected her at this time, with a tray of your favorite snacks. But when she appeared infront of you, she was empty handed. “We need to talk.”

You couldn’t deprive her of that. Neither of you had spoken about what you learned, and you truly believed it was because neither of you knew how to approach it. You weren’t ashamed of being adopted, and you hoped she knew that. Your lack of eating, and showering, and good hygiene in general wasnt because your true parents. It was because you knew you and Jaehyun were officially done. And you knew you were probably going to ruin his life, as his mother was just too spiteful. She would probably get the information out just because he was surely fighting your love; even through all of this drama.

Just to make him look bad, she’d do it.

“Do you have any questions?” She questioned awkwardly, fiddling with the rings she never took off. A gift from her new family, she explained.

“No.” Was all you could say, unable to look her in the eye.

“I hope you’re not ashamed. Or see yourself as less than because of what you know. You still have great parent—

“Jas.” You whispered in a purely sincere tone as your eyes filled to the brim with tears, “do you think I looked at you differently because you’re adopted?”

“I just—I know it’s not ideal. And I didn’t come from good parents and I just—“ Her voice cracked, and for the first time in your life, you were watching her cry. Her fighting spirit had her refusing to be in your arms, but you didn’t listen to her silent wishes. You snatched her up just as she had when you were on her doorstep about to have a mental breakdown.

“I have never looked down on you. To be exact, I’ve always looked up to you. I know you had your demons, and things that upset you, but you were always positive. I always wondered how you could be like that. How you could be so damn strong even though you had every right to be pissed off at the world.” You kissed her forehead, hating the way you were mimicking Jaehyun’s every move right now. “I love you, Jas. And so does your family. I hate that you met them later than you wanted, but what do I always say?”

“That everything happens for a reason.” She choked out.

“Exactly.” You took a deep swallow, knowing that was slogan but wanting it to be un-true in your case. You didn’t want this to be what fate wanted. You wanted there to be mistake in that foreign world. A mishap. But as you continued to dwell on your thoughts, you didn’t have positive feelings on it. No optimism.

You woke up the next morning with Jasmine in your bed, her tears still stained on the pillow beside you. Today was your last day before you had to take your flight, but you couldn’t just leave.

You turned your phone on, knowing it had a chance of practically blowing up from all the texts you knew you recieved. They were all from him. Every single one.

Twelve missed calls. A no exaggeration—twenty separate text messages from him. They started off so concerned, begging you to answer the phone. He was explaining that he just needed to hear you voice to make sure it was actually you responding to him.

As you continued to read, he told you that his father was here, and that he finally told his mom off. He confessed that even so, he felt no better, because he was weak. He didn’t say everything he wanted to say, and he wanted to go back in time to say everything over, better.

He then went on to tell you how much he loved you. He seemed to be arguing with himself, as he kept mentioning that he wasn’t enough. That it was he who didn’t deserve you, and he hated how terrible he was with words. He was trying to fit all of his love for you in a text message, and believed he was failing.

Even as the days skipped, he updated you about his day. He said he wouldn’t eat until he wanted to, which was never. His apologies were never ending, and your heart was close to its end.

He told you he was crying, and couldn’t stop. He told you that he cried so much that he had thrown up, but that he needed it. That it made him feel better for all you had gone through for absolutely no reason.

You couldn’t read any longer, feeling sick to your stomach as you knew he was telling the truth. A man didn’t do all of this for a woman he didn’t love. At least, not a man like Jung Jaehyun.

But love didn’t matter anymore.

You texted her, setting a time and place. She argued, saying that it would be best if you just came to the house.

Unlike every other time you were at the Jung residence, you weren’t dressed up today. Even with the preaching you planned to do in just a few moments, you couldn’t help but to feel so insecure. So less than.

“Y/N.” Was all she said when she let you in. “As you can see, he’s not here. I wasn’t lying.”

“I didn’t think you were.” You whispered, looking at your toes.

She didn’t look good. Now more than ever could you see the resemblance between the two of them. His dimple always shined at you when he was happy, but the exact same one was now moped out, cause being because she had her lips sucked in. It was the kind of expression one wore when they didn’t know what to say.

“So, what did you have to say to me?”

“You know I love Jaehyun, right?”

She was quick to answer. “Yes.” You knew she wasn’t going to miss a beat just yet.

“Do you think Jaehyun loves me?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you fight it so hard? Why wasn’t love enough for you?” Your tone was surprising gentle considering the words you were speaking. You preyed around her home, eyeing all of the artwork you never got to admire because you were always being bullied when you came here. Their family portrait actually read them to be great people.

“Because love isn’t enough. Do you know how many people in the world love eachother? If we married just for love, the world we be in a deeper hell.”

“So you don’t love Mr. Jung?”

“I got lucky.” Her voice waivered. You couldn’t see her facial expression. You didn’t want to look at her just yet.

“Lucky how?”

“Me and Minjun were soulmates who happened to come across eachother. We had love and the resources.”

“So you’re saying that if you didn’t have the resources, you shouldn’t have been able to marry the man you love?”

Her trailing of your moves stopped, as she could finally understand your game. She obviously didn’t like it. “Say what you want to say or get out of my house.”

You turned around from the splash art you were observing deeply, staring straight into her cold eyes. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume she had no soul. But you knew that wasn’t the case. She just didn’t like you.

“This will be the last time you see me.” You confessed, and you saw the way joy sparkled in her eyes. It hurt, even though you should’ve seen it coming. “And I know even right now you’re planning my departure, and trying to figure out who should really be Jaehyun’s bride. Who actually deserves him. Your choice. But never forget, that it was me, a poor girl from Los Angeles that is the reason that you will get your son back.”

She seemed shocked at your strong words. She clearly thought this was a bold claim from the way her eyebrows connected immediately, scoffing in offense.

“You can say what you want about me. And you can say what you want about our relationship, but your son is in love with me. And I know that eats you up inside, but read my lips when I say that we were in love. And we made eachother happy. I will always love him.” Your voice cracked, but you quickly sniffed to pull it together. “So ten years from now when you have little grandchildren running around, making everyone in the house laugh, but Jaehyun’s sitting in the corner and you just can’t seem to understand why he looks so unhappy, know it’s because he’s thinking about me, and about how this could’ve been us if only; you didn’t make me leave.”

“You watch—

“I’m giving you what you want. So I hope your happiness continues to override his own. And I hope that whoever he does marry doesn’t have to go through half the hell I did.”

And with that, you left. Even with her yelling after you. Even when you wanted to badly to turn around, and run upstairs, because you knew he was listening. You knew he heard every word, and would probably go to cry again. But you had to. They got what they wanted. And now you had to sleep. You had a flight in the morning.

You forgot how hot the California sun could be. Especially on a day like this, where you were already in such a horrible mood, nothing felt right. At the same time though, it felt so good to be home. Even though you had only been here for a measly three days, it was so refreshing to not get weird stares and judge mental looks from people who didn’t even know you.

The streets were busy as always, people walking across the road to get to other shopping centers, but your focus was on the familiar diner that now brought you horrible memories.

God, you remember how excited you were when he told you about Johnny’s wedding. It had never even crossed your mind that it would be the last time you saw him, and the last time you would ever call him your boyfriend.

“Y/N! How was the trip!” The owner yelled in an enthusiastic tone, clearly missing your buisness.

“Good.” You responded simply, sitting down at your usual booth.

“Just good? And in that tone? Who died?”

“My relationship.” You chuckled sadly, feeling it all rush back to you at once. All the memories of you two wouldn’t go away.

“Don’t tell me...”

“Yeah.”

You hated that you sounded like this right now. This was exactly how you behaved before you met Jaehyun, and he made you bloom into this so-called beautiful human being. You always shut down.

You couldn’t see what the older man was doing. Out of your peripheral, you could see him whispering to the cook in the back through the tiny window they used to communicate.

Jaehyun hadn’t texted or called since your conversation with his mother. Maybe he hated you too. Everytime your phone would ring, or vibrate, you would rush to it praying it was him. You were so broken. All it would take is one more text, and he could have you back.

Gusto—the owner of your favorite eating place, sat across from you now. He had your favorite milkshake in one hand, and an abundance of fries in the other.

“Thought you might’ve wanted this.”

“Thank you.” You laughed, trying your best to be happy. Or at least look it.

“Listen to me doll,” his hand reached for your chin, lifting it up from its grip on the food. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but I do know that you are a very strong girl. You know, your dad was just like this. When him and your mom would get into it, he’d come in here.”

“Did he really?” You sniffled, being reminded about the problems you had to deal with now. You were still trying to figure out a way to approach your mom about it.

“Yeah. And he would get this exact milkshake too.”

As it had been for the last few minutes, the bell connected to the door rung; indicating someone had swung it open. Probably some teenagers who had just came from the rink.

You put the straw to your lips, knowing that the taste of Oreo mixed in with chocolate would soothe your scrambled mind even if it was for a few. It didn’t feel the same now that Jaehyun wasn’t sharing it with you, but it was still so delicious. You hadn’t even realized that Gusto had risen from his position in front of you.

Your breathing unconsciously got deeper and deeper, trying to take in all the familiar smells of LA. One deep breath, and your heart stopped. You choked on the cookie that was so close to going down your throat.

It was him. He was here.

“Jaehyun—I—

“I know you have a million things you want to say to me.” He whispered. His hair was its usual messy nature, and he was no longer in a polo, or suit as he had been during your whole trip. His grey sweats made your heart beat for a few seconds at a fast pace, but his eyes finished the job.

They weren’t swollen. If you didn’t know any better, you would even say he was happy right now. His eyes were filled with sincerity as his scent hugged you all around.

“Usually people say that when they met their soulmate, they had no idea that they’d love them as much as they did.” He began, taking your hand into his own. “But when I met you, I swear I knew. I called Johnny and told him I had met my wife. He laughed, but I knew it was true. I knew you were the one, Y/N.”

Neither of you could notice, but the crowd began to form, clearly seeing something coming that you couldn’t.

“And still, right now, I look at you and know you’re the one. No matter what anyone says. No matter who tries to stop me from getting what I want, it’ll never happen.” He sighed, reaching for his back pocket and slowly skimping down to one knee.

“Jae...” you trailed off, emotions trying to come out from your eyelids.

“Let me finish.” His voice was wavering, a clear indication that he was incredibly nervous. “I love you, baby. Every damn thing about you, I love. I love how much you love to stay at home, doing absolutely nothing. I love how strong you are, even when you don’t have to be. When every damn thing in the world is trying to get in your way, you kick it down, and I admire you. I can’t even properly get my words out because their aren’t enough words to describe you. Hell, I even love the excessive amount of ketchup you put on your fries. All of that makes you, and I want it for the rest of my life.” His hand was shaking now, but he still managed to open the box, revealing the ring that was seemingly forbidden in his family. His grandmas ring was standing right infront of you.

“Oh my goodness.” Was all you could breathe out, clutching your chest for support.

“Please, make me the happiest man in the world, Y/N. Let me show the whole world who I love. Marry me. I can’t live without you and I know you love me just as much. Please.”

The hell you went through was trying to replay through your mind like your favorite song, but you had to block it. It didn’t deserve to win in such a moment, and all your focus was on your boyfriend. The man who you would die for.

“Yes. How could I say no?” You choked out, letting him place the ring in your finger as you bounced around like a child, immediately jumping into his arms as he held you tighter than he had ever held you in your whole relationship. His face nuzzled into the crevice of your neck, and even in this crowd of people, you couldn’t save it. You had to kiss him.

“I love you, Y/N.” He whispered as you two embraced once more. “And I meant it when I said I always will. No matter what.”

“No matter what.” You cooed with a head tilt, pressing a teary kiss to his plump lips once again.

This was fate. This was how your story was going to end. It may have hurt like hell to get here, but you were going to marry the love of your life, and you didn’t care what anyone thought about it. Neither did he.

A/N: Wowwwww it’s crazy how long this series has been going on. I am so appreciative of the love y’all gave this, and I am truly sad to see it go. I know you guys probably hated this as the final part, but I plan to do an epilogue soon and also a surprise conversation between two people that I think you guys would enjoy. Thank you so much and I can’t wait for you guys to see the things I have planned next.

#nct #nct 127 #nct jaehyun #jaehyun nct #jaehyun #nct imagine #nct imagines #nct series #nct scenario #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst