#i wish there was a complete recording of this production because it genuinely seems so good

[courtofmatchups]

Greetings, I’d like a request for a match making.

I’m a short trans demiboy demiromantic/sexual and very silly with a fatherly side when needed. I’m an artist with art and music. I’m a Sagittarius and INFJ and I hate liars. I have a hard time distinguishing facial features and certain social cues.

I’m Chinese and love a lot of my culture that I’d happily share. I love history and other scholarly pursuits.

Many think I’m dumb or innocent but I’m really guided after a lone time of trauma and betrayal. This has caused me to be very defensive and evasive when perceiving a threat.

My love language is quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Specifically Having wholesome moments with my partner that builds trust.

Take care matchmaker I wish you the best in ur pursuits

It seems you've captured the heart of

The Clement Prince:

Aquia Avari!

Aquia loves your sense of humour, your fatherly instincts even more so. The way I'm seeing your relationship is very wholesome. I can see you holding hands and swinging them as you walk, and giving each other soft cheek kisses when you have to be apart. You two are the soft romantic couple that is so sugary sweet, you just want to either a) scoop the both of them up and squish their cheeks, or b) melt from wholesome overload.

Aquia loves art. As a prince, you'd expect him to have an appreciation for art, but your art just hits differently, both your drawings and your music. He'd also love to learn about your culture, and he will ask you about your traditions and folklore. Aquia would also love to pursue your scholarly pursuits with you.

As for you being jaded from trauma and being misunderstood because of it, Aquia's heart would break. He'd want to help you navigate your way through it, so let him 🥺. He wouldn't be all that bothered by your difficulty with social cues (as a neurodivergent person who was never formally diagnosed, I felt this 🥲).

~~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~~

You and Aquia have finished a long and productive day of classes, and you are both satisfied with what you pulled off. You've managed to unlock a chest with a fairly intricate lock within the first fifteen minutes of the practical portion of the lesson.

"That was an excellent lesson," said Aquia. "Brother seemed quite pleased, too."

"You think so?" You've had a hard time reading facial expressions, but reading Guy is like playing on hard mode, even for the layperson.

"Oh, yes! I've been improving my magic ever since I first befriended you. Even more so since we became paramours."

This was true. You were left stranded in a completely different world than your own, with no prior knowledge of magic, aside from the magic often mentioned in Chinese folklore and other folklore. Aquia has had a bad record with spellcasting, and loads of people dismissed him for it. The two of you meeting was probably the best thing that ever happened to either of you. You were patient with each other and cheered each other on in your academic pursuits. That aside, you've also enjoyed learning about each other's backgrounds and interests. Aquia has often expressed a genuine interest in Chinese traditions, history, and folklore, often asking questions about them. You've also expressed a similar amount of interest in Avarian history and culture, much to Aquia's joy. Having grown so close, you've developed feelings for him, and now he and you are paramours. This brings us to now when you realized you've been preparing something for Aquia.

"Oh, I just remembered! Aquia, I want to show you something"

You took his hand and led him to your chamber

"Close your eyes first," you said. "I have a surprise for you"

"Hehe, how exciting!" he giggled as he happily obliged.

You led him into the room and stood him in front of an easel. You told him to open his eyes, and he was greeted by a painting of you and him holding hands in a field of flowers. The image of his smile was something you wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon

~~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~~

#court of darkness x reader #court of matchups #court of darkness matchups #court of darkness #aquia avari #aquia monus #otome #makai nightmare #aquia avari x reader #this was a bit longer than I intended #but I had fun writing this #I hope you had fun reading this

[games-sport]

Its time to upgrade your Gaming PC?

Costs for PC parts are relatively cheap at the present time, yet you ought to really reconsider dumping thousands of dollars on a complete remake.

PC gamers have been trusting that part costs will defrost from inflated highs for years now, and it at last seems like the ice is starting to give way.

Assuming that you're frantic for an upgrade, seeing Nvidia RTX 30-series GPUs recorded for just $50 or $100 above MSRP is sufficient to make your wallet shiver. In any case, is it really a great opportunity to purchase PC parts? Tragically, no, and here's the reason.

NEW PC PARTS ON THE WAY Fleeting tranquility before all hell breaks loose

In the event that you're confused, we should survey: a blend of production network burdens and the crypto dash for unheard of wealth have caused an enormous deficiency of PC gaming parts over the beyond a few years. Paying 1.5x or even twofold the MSRP of another GPU was a genuinely normal practice, and numerous new developers needed to make due with paying a few hundred bucks for utilized, beat-up parts that most likely ought to have been discarded some time prior.

Throughout the course of recent weeks, financial exchange and crypto hardships have annihilated the interest for GPUs. Thusly, costs for positive GPUs, for example, the RTX 3070 and the RTX 3080 have fallen near MSRP (or maybe even lower), which has driven numerous frantic PC gamers to gobble up parts for their long-awaited upgrades. Some have even considered purchasing utilized GPUs at clearance room costs, which is a questionable possibility, best case scenario.

Also read :The AMD vs. Intel Gaming Debate: Who Comes Out on Top?

GPUs are by a long shot the most costly piece of a typical gaming PC build, so these purchasers are hypothetically getting a charge out of enormous reserve funds contrasted with only a half year prior. Yet, the inquiry isn't whether they're getting a decent arrangement this moment, it's whether they can get a more ideal arrangement in a half year. Impending RELEASES FROM MAJOR MANUFACTURERS LIKE NVIDIA, INTEL, AND AMD THREATEN TO COMPLETELY CHANGE THE MARKET FOR COMPONENTS YET AGAIN — and they could leave the present purchasers wishing that they had practiced somewhat more patience.

BEEFY GPUs COMING SOON?

On the GPU front, ongoing bits of hearsay from unsubstantiated sources like VideoCardz have shown that the main GPUs in the RTX 40-series will arise in the not so distant future, conceivably as soon as September. A few sources have portrayed this course of events as a "delay" because of production network imperatives, and that the GPUs were initially scheduled for an August send off.

However these are bits of hearsay that ought to be treated with a specific degree of wariness, it appears to be that most equipment onlookers expect the new 40-series cards to emerge by right on time one year from now at indisputably the most recent. Comparative reports likewise show that these new 40-series GPUs will be eye-poppingly strong, with one source guaranteeing that it will have a lift clock that is very nearly 50% that of the RTX 3090 — one of Nvidia's most impressive cards of all time. That's a lot of horsepower.

Also read :Its time to upgrade your Gaming PC?

I figure we can very likely expect the RTX 40-series GPUs toward the end of 2022. For what reason am I so sure? Since rival manufacturer AMD has openly expressed that its RDNA 3 GPUs will come out this year, with the above dependable leaker asserting that the third-age GPUs will come out no later than mid-November.

As the undisputed No. 1 GPU producer, Nvidia isn't probably going to allow AMD to spoil its otherwise good mood, yet equipment deficiencies have become unfortunately very normal throughout recent years, so anything's conceivable. Furthermore, we should likewise not fail to remember that Intel has been dealing with its own devotee grade GPUs as the Arc Alchemist project, which could give the organization a traction in the GPU wars. Actually, I have doubts.

NEW CPUS IN 6 MONTHS?

Also read :Intel Core i9-13900 ES Specifications: What To Expect-GAMES sport

On the CPU front, AMD uncovered its Ryzen 7000 series chips recently. The organization guaranteed that the chip performed 30% better than a twelfth gen Intel Core i9 in a straight on test, which unquestionably grabbed our eye. Those AMD CPUs will be accessible this fall, however the circumstance at rival Intel is a piece muddled.

Intel has freely affirmed that the thirteenth era Raptor Lake processors will deliver in 2022 — only one year after the twelfth gen Alder Lake — however we have no kind of course of events on that. As we've made sense of in different pieces, Intel has let AMD and even Apple get up to speed with its CPU matchless quality throughout the course of recent years, so we'll need to check whether the market chief can hit back with these new chips.

In general, while the particulars change, obviously we will be taking a gander at a tremendously unique market for PC parts in only a half year, and perhaps when this fall. Regardless of whether you're not building a first in class gaming PC, this implies that the cost of your desired parts to purchase today are probably going to go down considerably further.

In certain conditions, the new PC parts will be a lot more powerful (and of a comparative price tag) that you'll likely wind up laying out for the new stuff all things considered. Additionally, the cost of must-have parts like DDR5 memory and brand new PCIe 5.0 solid-state drives will keep on moving to additional healthy levels in the following couple of months.

Also read :Nvidia's budget GPU could be deferred-GAMES sport

CONCLUSION

The bottom line is that if you upgrade now, you're presumably going to take a gander at the Battlestations subreddit in a couple of months and truly lament your choice. While the facts really confirm that the up and coming part is in every case not far off, purchasing a mid-range gaming PC this near the arrival of various new generations of CPUs and GPUs is just plain dumb.

The elements that have prompted the unexpected downfall of GPU costs are not prone to invert themselves before the finish of 2022. Crypto costs have remained obstinately low throughout recent weeks, the stock market is down, and the actual miners are creating some distance from the horrifyingly-tragic blocks of top of the line GPUs choking endlessly the entire day in a server ranch some place.

Presently, taking everything into account, assuming your PC is barely hanging on, you ought to feel free to pull the trigger on that form. All things considered, a functioning PC is superior to no PC by any means. In any case, assuming you've been holding up two years to at long last offload that GTX 1060, you ought to continue to stand by. Right now, what do you need to lose?

Also read :Intel ARC GPUs trump AMD and Nvidia with full equipment AV1 codec support as game streaming demo versus HEVC shows-GAMES sport

#pc games #budget #gaming #budget gaming pc #gaming pc #gamers #ask game #how to #intel processor #best video game #gallery #gay men #gangas #video games #gaming tips #gaming news #gaming pc upgrade

[trashmenofmarvel]

Always Will Be - Ch 2

Pairing: Loki x TVA Agent!Reader

Series Warnings (18+ Only): Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Violence, Time Shenanigans, Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Chapter Summary: You interview Laufeyson for his crimes against the Sacred Timeline. 

AO3

The journey from the elevator was uneventful as you led the variant down the long hallway. Other employees of the TVA also walked the hall, alone or in pairs, and they paid attention to the two of you only to make sure you weren’t in their path.

You kept Laufeyson firmly in your periphery, more to keep him from wandering than a belief that he would attempt to escape. You didn’t doubt that would come at some point, but it was a little too early for him to play that hand.

“Where are we going?”

The casual candor of his voice didn’t fool you, not when the sharpness of his gaze was heating the side of your face.

“If it’s to my execution, I would rather know ahead of time,” he added with false friendliness. “It’s just polite.”

“We don’t kill people, Mister Laufeyson.”

“I can’t suffer a liar.”

You stopped before a heavy double door, two Minutemen standing guard on either side of it, and turned to the variant.

“I don’t lie. That’s your department.”

His eyes darkened and genuine anger flashed in their depths, but then it was gone so fast you would have questioned it was there in the first place if you hadn’t known better.

But you did.

Both Minutemen opened the doors, and you led the prisoner into Time Theater 25. It was the same beige color as the rest of the wing, and the only pieces of furniture were a small, round glass table, two metal weave chairs, and a control monitor.

You indicated the seat to the left and said, “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

“I would be more comfortable with this collar removed.”

Out of the corner of your eye he moved, quickly and without warning. You slipped the remote out of your sleeve and thumbed the pad. In the blink of an eye, he vanished and reappeared where he’d been two seconds previously, as if he hadn’t moved at all.

“You’ll find time works differently here at the TVA,” you informed him. “Please, sit.”

He said nothing, the animosity wafting off of him in waves. You ignored him, setting the files of paperwork down onto the table before taking your own chair. He took his own, albeit more cautiously, his eyes narrowed in dislike.

“Let the record show this is the entirety of Loki Laufeyson’s life recording,” you began. “Formerly of Jotunheim, formerly of Asgard—“

“—and formerly of Midgard.”

His smile was sharp.

“I did spend quite some time there. Both in my youth, and well, more recently.”

“I’m well aware.”

“Just wanted to be sure you’re thorough in your interview. That is what this is, isn’t it? My intake interview?”

You ignored the curious tilt of his head, as well as his question, and turned to the control monitor. It was rather small, round and orange, almost reminiscence of the gumball candies invented on Earth.

You flipped a switch and the room dimmed just as a rippling image of light appeared on the wall, powered by the holoprojector.

“We will be very thorough, Mister Laufeyson, and we shall start from the beginning. This is your home world. And that is you.”

The image focused on something small, blue, and wailing. The prisoner as a child, dying and abandoned.

You had seen the reel hundreds of times, had scoured most of this variant’s life. So while the film played, you watched him out of the corner of your eye. It was curious that Laufeyson didn’t flinch at the sight of his infant self being left to die. His face was carefully blank, unreadable, and his eyes barely moved.

But there was a shift when the King of Asgard entered the scene. When Odin lifted the lost babe into his arms, his nose slightly crinkled at the corners.

It was the only obvious tell he gave for quite a while. Laufeyson was closed off, appearing almost bored as his adolescence played out on the wall. The two royal brothers had rowdy, adventure-filled childhoods, though Laufeyson often acted as his brother’s second shadow. He only excelled when given magical lessons by his adoptive mother.

He gave an eye roll or two during Thor’s coronation, and he actually yawned during the fight on Jotunheim. But his boredom fell away when blue stretched across his skin for the first time, inflicted by the touch of a Jotun. And he replaced the carefully constructed mask over the confrontation with his adoptive father, and the truth was revealed that his very identity had been a fabrication.

When the scene was finally over and the King had fallen into Odinsleep, an inexperienced and uneducated person might have believed Laufeyson was unaffected. That all of the events of his childhood were little more than entertainment for his amusement.

But it wasn’t. Having to relive those moments would linger in his mind, and that was the point.

He smirked whenever the scene changed to him displaying power over Thor and his companions while holding the temporary throne. He seemed to enjoy his adoptive brother’s exile to Earth, and there was no shame given for these childish displays. That’s what they were, the product of a child throwing a tantrum.

His mask started to slip again, but not at the timestamp you expected. Laufeyson flinched at the point of violent contact between the Destroyer and Thor, knocking him back and nearly killing him in the process. Would have, if not for Thor’s returned power.

You wondered if Laufeyson had wanted to murder his brother intentionally, or if he had underestimated the Destroyer’s strength.

You picked up a notepad and scribbled down the question. Unfortunately, the chronological record could only display events as they happened, not the motivation or intention of the actors involved. It was a relevant question to ponder later.

“What are you doing?”

You lifted your head to find the variant staring at you. You clicked your pen closed and put it on the table, keeping the notepad firmly in your lap.

“You needn’t concern yourself. Please, pay attention to the screen.”

His gaze narrowed but said nothing. It was a look you were familiar with, though not one aimed at you. It meant Laufeyson would also ponder the question for later, though with an agenda bent toward scheming and manipulation.

You would need to be careful, but not as careful as he needed to be. After all, he was the Time Criminal.

The battle between Laufeyson and Odinson drew a few chuckles and smiles from the variant, as if he were recalling fond memories. His expression flattened into boredom when the King arrived to prevent Loki from falling, and his face remained blank as he let go, falling into the wormhole the unstable Bifrost had created.

It was a show, all for your benefit. Proof that he didn’t care about those he had harmed, that he was above all of his past decisions.

Because of his put-upon apathy, you let the record continue to run. You knew what came next. He did too.

Laufeyson watched his past-self float amongst the stares, frozen and immobilized in the vacuum of space. He didn’t perish, Jotuns and Asgardians were too tough for that, but it wasn’t pleasant. The subzero temperatures, the negative pressure, the absence of air and light, all contributed to his silent suffering.

It was a pleasure compared to what happened after.

A massive, dark ship appeared on the horizon, pulling him onboard. Laufeyson barely had time to defrost (even Jotuns had a freezing limit) before he was fixed with an electric collar and thrown into a cell.

Laufeyson was left in the dark for days with no food or water. He was brought out only to be strung up by his wrists, asked questions he refused to answer, and then he was electrocuted until he was barely conscious.

He was returned to his cell, given nothing for warmth or sustenance, and the process began again several days later.

The present-day Laufeyson didn’t blink. Didn’t seem to breathe as he watched. His eyes were glazed over, skin pale under the harsh lighting.

Another round of torture, but this one was different. It was inflicted not by electricity, but by a blue stone. Not the stone he would use to splinter the timeline. This stone was actually yellow, and it commanded minds rather than physical space, but Laufeyson didn’t know that at the time.

All he knew was agony, delivered by the hands of the owner of the ship. A warlord from Titan that would not stop until Laufeyson begged to be allowed to serve.

And beg he would. It had already happened, was recorded with perfect clarity, and it would happen within just a few short hours of being exposed to the Mind Stone.

Laufeyson made a small noise, quiet compared to the distant screaming of his former self.

“What was that?” you asked at normal.

“I said stop.”

When you craned your head in his direction, he refused to meet your eye.

“I don’t want to see this.”

You put your pen down on the table and fully faced him, folding your fingers in front of you.

“Do you verbally acknowledge that you wish to skip the contents of your time with Thanos the Mad Titan?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“A yes or no response is required.”

“Yes.”

He drew out the word in a growl.

“Do you verbally acknowledge that the Time Variance Authority is under no legal responsibility for memory gaps or incorrect memory recall for the time skipped during this interview process—“

“Yes.”

“Do you verbally acknowledge the contents that lie herein are accurate and complete—“

“Yes!”

He jerked his head toward you, his eyes reflective and bloodshot, teeth bared in a quiet snarl.

“It’s accurate, as you bloody well know, so unless you derive sick pleasure from the tortured screams of others, would you be so kind as to fucking skip it!”

His chest heaved, skin dotted with sweat, and he was half out of his seat with fingers clawing into the table hard enough for hairline cracks to splinter down the glass.

You had witnessed the variant become aggressive and hostile before, mostly against his adopted brother. Having the force of that fury directed at your direction was a much different experience.

You dropped your eyes and smoothed your tie, giving him a moment to collect himself. When you heard the shuffle of him retaking his chair, you lifted your head but kept your eyes on the monitor. With a few knobs turned and a switch flipped, the image on the wall, currently depicting Laufeyson kneeling before Thanos, supplicating him with promises of whatever he wished.

What Thanos wished was now being shown on the screen: the variant arriving on Earth to steal the Tesseract and prepare for Thanos’ full force to arrive.

Replaying the events of Earth Incident 327-A (colloquially known as the Battle of New York by Earth residents) garnered less of a response from the variant. He watched impassioned as his past-self led the Chitauri against the Avengers, and subsequently lost that battle.

“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he said, gesturing vaguely at the screen as it displayed all of the Avengers seemingly threatening the audience. “A few humans perished. It’s what they do. Nothing to get excited over.”

You ignored the comment. He wasn’t, after all, under scrutiny for the lives he’d taken while under Thanos’ control.

No. The reason for his current incarceration came next.

The holoprojector displayed Alexander Pierce stopping Thor Odinson and Tony Stark, demanding Laufeyson and the Tesseract be remanded to his custody. The argument was interrupted as Stark went into a mild cardiac dysrhythmia due to Scott Lang sabotaging his Arc Reactor.

Lang then kicked the case containing the Space Stone towards another variant of Stark.

The only occupant of the room to notice was Laufeyson. Bruce Banner (as his Hulk persona) created the chaos needed for the Tesseract to be freed from its case, tapping lightly against Laufeyson’s boot.

You fully turned to the variant just as his past-self picks up the Tesseract, disappearing into a spacial rift and vanishing off the screen.

“On May 4th, 2012 at 11:39AM local time, a nexus event occurred.”

The variant rolled his eyes. You continued.

“Loki Variant L1130—“

His eyes narrowed.

“—by using the Tesseract to escape the Avenger’s custody, you created an unsanctioned timeline, and therefore have been deemed a Time Criminal. This timeline has been course-corrected by the Time Variance Authority, and it is my duty as your handler to determine whether you are to be assigned to a Time Cell or pruned.”

“Pruned?” He wrinkled his nose. “I believe the term you’re looking for is killed. I arrived at the same time as another man, and he refused to cooperate. Those goons melted him without hesitation.”

You slightly leaned forward, speaking concisely so there would be no misunderstanding.

“That ‘man’ was a variant, as are you. A being whose existence should never have come to be, and therefore, your life is null. Forfeit. It is by our grace that you even draw breath, and it’s my job to ensure you continue breathing from behind the walls of a cell.”

You leaned back and shuffled your papers in front of you.

“As I said before, we don’t kill people, Mister Laufeyson. Variants are not people.”

Something flashed within his eyes. You only caught a glimpse of it before it was gone, and then his expression was back to one of hostility.

“I deny the charges.”

You blinked.

“You cannot deny them.”

“I just did.”

“It is an irrefutable fact that you stole the Tesseract—“

“My apologies, but,” Laufeyson interrupted, not sorry at all, “did we not watch the same act of the play? Because I distinctly remember seeing a very tiny man stealing the Tesseract first, handing it off to what appears to be a second Tony Stark, who then tried to make off with it before a certain green monster deprived him of his ill-gotten gains.”

Laufeyson spread his hands, giving a toothy smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You may as well charge the Hulk with spoiling the timeline—it certainly wouldn’t have happened without his helpful input. In fact, bring in all the Avengers for crimes against the ‘Sacred Timeline.’ They’re just as guilty as I am, unless that goateed chap I saw happened to be Stark’s long lost twin brother.”

Laufeyson sat up straighter, staring you down.

“You speak of Time Criminals? It’s they you should be after.”

Then just as quickly, he crossed his arms and leveled you with an amused tilt of his head.

“Perhaps you could provide me with a taskforce and resources, and I could return and eliminate them for you. No? Nothing? Cat got your tongue again, darling?”

You rose to your feet, bracing the palms of your hands against the table as you looked him in the eye.

“You picked up the Space Stone and stole it, breaking the timeline. You did that. No one else. It was your actions that brought you here.”

It was not this Loki variant those words had been spoken to, but the smile was wiped from his face just as quickly. Deep down, he may have sensed an echo of those words. A phenomenon known as déjà vu to the common layman, when in reality it was something variants experienced from the Sacred Timeline they were no longer a part of.

Laufeyson also rose to his feet, leaning against the table to meet you in a staring match. He had height on you, and he took advantage of it to lean uncomfortably close.

“You speak of my actions as if you can possibly understand them. You think you know me by watching from a safe, comfortable distance?”

His eyes looked between yours, boring into them with an intensity that was unsettling. And when he spoke, his voice was low and deceptively soothing.

“I know what this place is. Your organization is shrouded in mystery, more of a legend than fact according to Asgardian historians. But Frigga, she should sense your constant manipulations, echoing across time. She forewarned me of what should happen if I come across your ilk. She thought you one of the greatest threats of the universe, but I? I see an amusing sideshow. The Time-Keepers have built quite the circus.”

He leaned in so close you could barely keep him in focus, his warm breath puffing across your face.

“And I see the clowns are playing their parts to perfection.”

You didn’t budge, refusing to cede ground and give him the satisfaction he sought.

“And in this metaphor of yours, where do you see yourself?”

His lips spread into a sharp grin, and he hovered closer.

“In the center of the ring, of course.”

For a moment, you thought he would close the rest of the distance. The sudden aversion of what he might do was so strong that you looked away first, backing off and sitting back down under the pretense of organizing your files.

“It sounds as if you cast yourself as the ringleader,” you commented, still shuffling papers. “The smartest of us all.”

“I am smart.”

“I know.”

He went silent as he slowly sat down, his expression open with surprise. The only one who had ever acknowledged his intelligence without it being an insult was his adoptive mother. Those who knew Laufeyson personally knew how intelligent he was and saw it as a threat to their ego.

You had no such concern, nor did you have an ego to protect. Laufeyson was smart, smarter than you by all accounts, but he wasn’t in control. You were. And that was something he still needed to learn, for his own sake.

“I believe we’ve discussed all that is required,” you said. “This interview is over.”

You stood from your chair and closed your folders, picking them up and tucking them into your arms.

Laufeyson mirrored your movement, rising to his feet, the movement quicker to catch up to you.

“Now, hang on just a minute,” he protested. “We’re not through here, not by a long shot. I demand to speak to someone with actual authority around here, because this is a mistake. I don’t belong here, and you don’t have the power to—”

Pulling out your remote, you rubbed your thumb across the dial, and an internal TVA portal appeared underneath Laufeyson’s feet. He disappeared into it with a cry before the beige portal vanished.

You adjusted your files, straightened your tie, and left the time theater. You had just enough time to grab a bite to eat before the next stage of Laufeyson’s intake procedure.

Next Chapter

#loki #loki x reader #loki series #loki x tva!reader #loki fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction #loki wednesdays

[takuyakistall]

I recently re-read his Dorm SSR personal story here! A few questions and thoughts lingered inside my head as I read it and it collectively got worse when @poisonepel​ started questioning things too. Which ultimately led to me writing this down while running on half a brain cell and a spoonful of rice for lunch. This isn’t necessarily an analysis but more of just me questioning a lot of stuff. I already pointed out things that are already obvious so it might get repetitive. Placed under the cut since it’s a bit lengthy! I tried my best to be coherent in the very least.

Rook’s Nickname for Jade - Rook calls Jade “Monsieur Mastermind” and perhaps you’re already telling me right now that I shouldn’t look deeper into this since it doesn’t look like it matters anyway but let me tell you right now that I tend to overanalyze things when it comes to Jade. I find it a bit odd how Rook calls Jade the mastermind, presuming that we’re talking about the Octavinelle trio, when it’s often Azul that’s shown to be as such. Of course, it’s been revealed that Rook analyzes or stalks nearly everything that happens to catch his interest (Jade’s Gym Personal). So it’s safe to presume that his judgement is, if not entirely correct, accurate. “Your staple food, your habits, your walking speed, when you sleep, your heart rate, how many times you blink… those and many others I have recorded perfectly.” Just by reading this line alone I became pretty sure that he observed something deeper than that--which is his personality.

       The question is, why is Jade the mastermind instead of Azul? Why is Azul’s nickname “Roi du Fort” instead of being the mastermind? Well, it might be common knowledge but Jade, in a way, controls Azul despite what it looks like to the public which is Azul controlling Jade since he, as the higher authority, has power over him. I read a popular post explaining why Jade probably undertakes the role of a servant rather than taking the position for himself knowing that he has the full capabilities to do so. This will be explained further later in a different note.

What I’m trying to imply is that behind the scenes, Azul isn’t really the mastermind behind everything despite what it seems. It’s Jade who’s really in control of things, by picking up the act of a servant or butler. 

“If the entire hierarchy collapses just due to the absence of a single person, then that proves that they aren’t all as great as they seem.” - I just had the need to point this particular line out since it just seemed so… Jade. Everything about this line just screams out the same vibes he radiates, cold and severe. I know he’s faking the whole thing about having a falling out with Azul and wanting to join Pomefiore but I think it is true that without him, Octavinelle won’t nearly be as great from when he was still there.

First of all, He’s Octavinelle’s vice-dorm leader. Surely, being in such a high position, he carries a lot of duties that only he can do as the acting vice leader. There’s also the fact that he does it superbly than other people which is why Octavinelle is the way it is right now, it would be hard to replace him. They would have to look for someone who’s on par with Jade, in the very least.

Secondly, he’s somewhat an emotional pillar to Azul. Judging from their childhood and current relationship as of now, I like to think that a big reason why Azul is the way he is right now, is because of Jade and Floyd acting as his emotional support or whatever even though they insist that their relationship is purely just for business and will drop it if it’s no longer beneficiary to them. The main reason why I think that way is because of the Octavinelle CM which has a scene of Azul holding a bubble in between his hands. Inside the bubble were the twins in their eel forms. The next thing that happened--the bubble popped and disappeared, along with the tweels inside it. We could see the horror on Azul’s face when it happened in that scene and slowly led to the overblot scene which says a lot about how Azul views the twins. Have a more detailed explanation regarding their relationship here! Summary, Azul will lose his shit if Jade were to disappear. Now, where is Octavinelle in all of this? Probably a mess in the corner right there with their dorm leader not in his right state of mind. In short, Octavinelle will probably crumble under the absence of Jade. The reason why Octavinelle is still functioning under Azul’s command during this whole stunt Jade is making is precisely because Azul knew that it was all an act.

"Jade’s excellence in everything he does is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders. He might be a super secretary or something to be able to answer Azul's difficult requests." - Vil's words to Rook during their little talk about letting Jade into Pomefiore. This stuck out to me because back then I didn't really give this much thought but now that I'm re-reading this, it makes me wonder how good is Jade at his job as a Vice Dorm Leader? These words coming from Vil hold a certain weight I can't describe, for him to say that his excellence is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders and to be described as a Super Secretary.

For Jade to have earned this kind of reputation despite being in the land for only two years so far is quite a feat! I would've expected less from someone else but this is Jade we're talking about so, ignoring his terrible weakness in flying, I can assume that Jade worked hard for him to have reached this kind of performance level in such a short time. To be recognized by almost all of the Dorm Leaders isn't an easy feat.

Jade as an attendant - During his first day as Vil's attendant, Vil mentioned how off-putting he is from the fact that Jade was almost too good for someone on their first day. "You managed to get on such friendly terms with the stuffy and straight-laced people of the industry in such little time; and you were also perfect when it came to helping out with the shooting. You've worked much harder than I thought you would." His words. I think this is due to the nature of Jade's silver tongue, which is being able to speak in a way that makes other people do or believe what you want them to do or believe. It seems very fitting for a character like Jade.

Because of the recent personals that got released for Jade, namely the Birthday SSR, they talked about family there and it got me thinking quite a bit as to how Jade can speak so eloquently especially now that I've read that he managed to get on the good side of people who are probably way older than he is and straight-laced, no less. He vaguely mentioned their family background when he was telling a story from his childhood and said how different people would come over to their party and offer them presents. I'm assuming that these people are possibly older than he is, judging from the fact that one of them attempted to give the twins liquor despite them being at a young age, and I thought that maybe Jade grew up used to being surrounded by adults to the point where he picks up a lot of speech patterns and habits. Which inevitably leads to what he is right now. Nothing is confirmed yet, this is a mere thought I had.

Jade's past with Azul - It's briefly mentioned here in the story. Jade mentioned how there weren't as many mer-folk as there are humans so they were all basically put in the same class together during elementary school. Azul didn't catch his interest back then, it seems. He mentioned not being able to remember the very reason why the three of them—Jade, Floyd, and Azul—ended up together currently in Night Raven College.

I am genuinely curious as to what actually made the twins interested in someone like Azul. Correct me if I'm wrong but they did mention it in Chapter 3, right? Was it the growing interest when they finally took notice of Azul using his unique magic on basically everyone who fell into his trap? Someone tell me the details if it was ever mentioned, my memory is failing me.

“Tenebres” - The shoe brand Vil wanted to get his hands on but unfortunately did not obtain, particularly, the Mirror Shoe. "Tenebres" apparently only sells their products to people who they deem worthy for designs, even the designer themselves has yet to make a public appearance as they are shrouded in mystery. Vil didn't have enough time to acquire it but, surprise! Jade Leech has somehow managed to get his perfect hands on the pair of red shoes Vil wanted so much. Frankly enough, Vil was impressed he managed to obtain something he could not—alone, no less.

This is just me pondering but this particular line made me wonder, "Heh, they did some at the cost of a bit of trouble. No matter, how about you try these on instead of dwelling on the matter?", to what lengths did he actually have to go through to obtain just a pair of shoes? Or rather, what connections does he have to be able to obtain this so easily and brush it off with a mere, "cost of a bit of trouble" when clearly Vil already expressed the difficulty in obtaining these?

Another note I have to make but not completely sure if it's relevant is his family. As I've said before, they mentioned that they deal with a lot of people due to the nature of their business and that made me wonder if the designer/owner of this certain shoe brand is one of them? Perhaps Jade was able to easily contact them because of connections his family has although Floyd's wish in the event Stars & Wishes contradicts this possibility.

In Floyd's wish, he mentioned wanting a pair of shoes and Idia immediately asked him why he couldn't just buy them. Floyd answered with a simple, "I can't usually get them." Because of the price. Which, again, contradicts my theory about the Leech family being connected to the shoe brand. Although! Vil did mention how the shoe brand only sells it to people they deem worthy. Perhaps, Floyd isn't…? No—it still wouldn't explain how easily Jade got the shoes and had the brand get Vil a job there as an ambassador. Surely, that isn't due to just any normal connections anymore. Definitely shady, I want to know more.

Jade is in control - As I've said earlier, Jade is somewhat in control despite playing the role of a servant. Prime example is when Vil told him his throat was parched, Jade immediately acted upon it fully knowing what his original intentions were. He gave Vil a drink that the Mostro Lounge was apparently serving without having Vil question it further and even went as far as to let Jade take a picture and post it—even he decided the caption for the post! With a simple flow of events just like that, Jade has managed to manipulate Vil without him knowing. He did it all while taking in the role of a servant and that in itself says a lot about how he does things

I think it's worth it to take note of the fact that Jade does not like bringing attention to himself and merely brushes it off as mere shyness of some sorts when really, all he wants to do is lay low and draw as little attention to himself. It makes his job easier that way—perhaps that's the reason why he lets Azul take the spotlight all the damn time.

Another thing to take note of is something I saw from a post in Tumblr which basically sums up the whole reason why Jade is always adopting the butler persona wherever he goes. It's because he likes to be in control that way—you'd let down your guard around him and let him serve you. You want a drink? He'll serve you a drink but-! He is in control over what you will get. That's exactly what happened in this exact scene, Vil waltzed right into the center of Jade's palms.

Vil never noticed - I'm not saying Vil is dumb, because he is most definitely not. Although through the very end, I don't know if it's just because Vil got carried away with the feeling of achievement taking over him due to recent events but he did just brush away the reason why Jade was in Pomefiore in the first place and let him go away peacefully, "So long as he doesn't bare his fangs at us." In other words, Jade managed to outsmart Vil and possibly, Rook.

This is probably one of the reasons why I am confident enough to say that Jade truly is one of the most cunning bitches in the entire game because this whole ordeal just pretty much proved it.

Aftermath - There we go! We got an explanation about how Jade managed to manipulate and use Vil for his own gains err, in this context, probably Azul's. When Jade took a picture of Vil with the drink and posted it, he did it with the intention of taking advantage of Vil's popularity and viewer reach. Jade expressed his thankfulness when he mentioned how Vil saw him as "useful" perhaps his reputation prior helped him reach his goal? 

Azul praised Jade with something along the lines of "As expected of you, Jade. You're the best Night Raven's College has to offer when it comes to sneaking into another's pockets after all." Which really just backs up some of the statements I made earlier about how Jade manipulates people by letting people let their guard down around him while thinking they're the ones who have power over Jade when clearly it's not as simple as it seems. Azul mentioning that only Jade could pull off something like this just puts me off for some reason but I'll leave it be for the time being.

After that, Jade and Azul had a conversation that started with Azul asking him if he had any difficulties during his stay in Pomefiore and if he had any troubles keeping up with Vil. Jade, jokingly(?), responded that it was nothing compared to Azul's demands and orders and his time at Pomefiore was actually a vacation of some sorts for him. Which really makes me wonder what jobs does Azul usually give him if this one was somewhat of a break for Jade? A task that seemed impossible to Floyd, Jade said it was a vacation. It's a bit frightening but I guess that's his charm? Hard-working is one way to put it. 

That's the end of my Dorm SSR mini-analysis, I guess! Thank you for sticking with me till the end even though a lot of these might be repetitive. I'll probably add more depending on future brainrot but for now, this is fine. Feel free to tell me what you think about this!

#twst #twisted wonderland #jade #twst jade #jade leech #twisted wonderland jade #vil schoenheight #i mean #he appears in the story #twst theory #not really a theory but eh. . ..

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

It’s still ephemera week, and we’re still talking about John K. I said most of my piece on him in the last post, so don’t expect there to go full bore on this one, except I forgot to say he’s animation’s Jerry Lewis. His current stuff is basically Hardly Working. I will not elaborate, because I’m being mean to you0.

MARCH SPECIALS!

In March, Adult Swim advertised a run of one-off specials. A couple of them were already covered because they fell under the parameters of “Adult Swim original production”. They were Welcome to Eltingville (March 3rd) and Saddle Rash (March 24th).

Day in the Life of Ranger Smith | March 10th 2002 - 11:00 PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

This was one of two specials commissioned by Cartoon Network re-imagining Yogi Bear. The artist what took this assignment was John K, who I REEEAALLY skewered in last night’s post, didn’t I?

This is about Ranger Smith harassing animals and writing them up for violating park rules, basically. It’s short! I remember liking it at the time! Okay, maybe I’m going crazy here, but I distinctly remembered a part at the end where Ranger Smith is in bed and he solemnly confides in the viewer that the noises of wilderness give him nightmares and then it just ends. Did I imagine this? It does end with him in bed, but this doesn’t happen in the version on YouTube (which is from the Adult Swim airing). Huh.

Boo Boo Runs Wild | March 10th 2002 - 11:15PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

Boo Boo Runs Wild was another one of these stand-alone Yogi Bear John K specials. This one was 30 minutes long. The Ranger Smith short was a brief 7 minutes; I’m guessing they aired a couple Capt. Lingers or something to fill time.

This one is about Boo Boo reverting to his feral nature and causing BIIIIG problems! This special would later go on to be kind of a weird trolling thing Adult Swim would do where they aired it every Sunday for a few months, even promoting regularly. This was like 2006, I think? They’d also air it as part of April Fools. Is that Adult Swim admitting this special sorta sucks? Does it sorta suck? Again, I liked these at the time and REFUSED to actively rewatch these for this write-up. Sorry.

The Jetsons: Father and Son Day/The Best Son | March 10th, 2002 11:45PM (Originally aired on CartoonNetwork.com in 2001) Our John K rock block ends with a pair of Jetsons shorts, Father and Son Day and The Best Son respectively. This is kinda the same deal as his Yogi Bear shorts, but these were exclusive for Cartoon Network’s website. I remember watching them on there. They are as bad as you’d expect late-period John K internet shorts to be, though the second short is a superior version of Spielberg’s A.I. (in that it’s shorter).

Night of the Living Doo | March 17th, 2002 - 11:00PM (originally aired on Cartoon Network, 2001)

Night of the Living Doo originally aired as wraparound segments during a Halloween Scooby Doo marathon on Cartoon Network. It’s kinda like an episode of the Scooby Doo Movies, which shoehorned in a guest star each episode. Suddenly my man Dick Van Dyke be running a carnival and shit. That’s the Scooby Doo Movies. At the end of the night they played all the wraparound segments in one uninterrupted sitting, so the viewer could appreciate it as an actual full-on Scooby Doo episode. Night of the Living Doo functioned both as an extension of that series as well as a parody. The guests were Gary Coleman, David Cross, and the very cool band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It was all very self-deprecating and had jokes about the absurdity of Scooby Doo tropes. Well trod territory by this point, sure. But this is better than most irreverent Scooby Doo things. It didn’t hurt that I was a HUGE David Cross fan when this aired. Is this where I tell the stupid-ass story about getting mad at a message board guy for not liking David Cross? Sure. Okay, yeah. When this aired on Adult Swim a guy on Kon’s (hi Kon) message board posted something about not finding David Cross funny, shrugging that he didn’t get the hype. He cited this and his appearances in the Men in Black movies, and nothing else as proof for his lackluster comedy skills. It’s kinda like deeming Eddie Murphy as a bad comedian after watching Dr. Doolittle.

The point of this special is that David Cross is a little wooden and stilted, like in the old Scooby Doo Movies episodes. This poster revealed that he never heard David Cross’s stand-up or seen Mr. Show, explaining “I don’t watch puppet shows” A response that still baffles me to this day. Why Mr. Show isn’t a-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I’m not even sure if there was EVER a puppet on Mr. Show*. David wasn’t even a guest on Crank Yankers at this point! SO WHAT THE FUCK? To this day whenever mutual pals from that board get together and watch a movie or show and a puppet appears we make a joke about this guy. Good story? No? Fuck you.

Other stuff about this show: When it originally aired on Cartoon Network it was a little bit longer than the Adult Swim version. There’s a missing scene. I think it’s David trying to play an improv game with a mummy or something. At one point I had it on tape, but I’m not sure I kept it. Sorry.

*sorry to be coy here, but I do know of at least one puppet on Mr. Show, episode 204 there is brief footage of Grass Valley Greg putting on a puppet show for his staff. This CAN’T be the source of the confusion, can it? It’s literally like, 5 seconds.

MAIL BAG

This’ll teach me to skip a day cuz this really piled up. Thanks, guys. I love all the attention. It is my favorite thing.

I never really saw oblongs as something for the hot topic set. They had Invader Zim and Squee for that kind of shit. Oblongs feel like it was always directly targeting me: the shut-in comedy nerd who would appreciate will ferrell and the sklars being in a thing. Since they ended up doing the exact same show with Janeane Garofalo and David Cross a few years later it seems like that was the goal.

Yeah, I guess that also makes sense. There were a few elements that were kinda gothy but this show was mostly just Angus Oblong ahem, clowning around (puckering mouth to stifle laughter like Chris Elliott in Cabin Boy)

What are your thoughts on the other adult animation blocks of the past couple decades? Spike's notriously failed attempt. Animation Domination. Apparently Syfy has had their own going?

Spike was irredeemably bad. People think this shit is easy. Animation Domination is sorta legit, but it’s anchored by mostly crap. That ADHD thing was kinda good and underrated. Is that still going on? I wish I were more diligent about watching/recording that. Some of them bumpers were good. Also, we mustn’t forget MTV’s oddities. They were kinda the first cable network to court Adult Animation as their thing. They deserve some kind of credit for that. I’m sure they’re doing fine.

I'm having a nice big thing of spaghetti for dinner with some chicken parm? Jealous?

I’ve never had those are they good

What does Ephemera mean? Why is this happenening? Why aren't you talking about 10 Home Movies episodes in a row like a good boy.

In dude time, my friend. In dude time

What would be your Adult Swim dream come true?

Having a complete archive of Adult Swim blocks on a harddrive like Don Giller has with his Letterman archive. Even the commercials and shit. I know of a guy who was a regular taper of the entire block from night 1 but I’m not sure he kept up with it when they went nightly. I should ask him if he still has his tapes, huh?

That or they bring back the BUILD YOUR OWN DVD thing but with blu-rays and you can make your own bumps, which was a different thing they had. THEY SHOULD COMBINE THEM. And you can master it in SD if you wanna put 10 hours of stuff on a disk.

All this is archival bullshit dork shit. Real answer: Clay Croker comes back from the dead and every block is hosted by Space Ghost. That’d be it, right?

If anyone has genuine/better answers please write in with them I wanna keep this conversation going. ‘kay?

McDonalds reintroduces limited edition Adult Swim Toys. You can get them all (plus an extra to keep wrapped for collectors purposes) but you have to spend 20 dollars at McDonalds to grab them all. This is the last day of the promotion. You have to personally eat everything you buy but you can take it home. You can only buy one of each food item. What are you getting? I know the longer the mailbag message is the quicker you are inclined to give some glib remark but indulge this one for once.

Oh wow. I’m literally going to take this seriously. I’d roll in as breakfast was ending. Get myself a McChicken Biscuit and a Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddle, hashbrowns and a Coffee. Gobble that knob on down. Wipe my mouth with a napkin. It’s lunchtime, bitch. Big Mac, Large Fries, BIG ass soda. You feel me, dude? Lemme tally up. Okay, probably need more. 20 piece nugget. Take that home cuz I’m probably gonna have to save some for dinner. That’s probably 20 bucks right there, especially if you go to the McDonalds on Burnside where all the menu items are more expensive because of the amount of security they have to hire (did you know that different McDonalds have different prices even in the same city? I didn’t until very recently). If this somehow doesn’t satisfy my price point I get a Vanilla shake and eat it anally DURING my BIG D squirt sesh, so it’ll spend as little time in my body as possible. Wait, do I get something for this? I might do this tomorrow just cuz. It sounds like a funky thing to do

Do you think you'll open an Adult Swim mueseum at some point? You seem to be the only steward of its history.

Unless I’m hired to by a large corporation, probably not. Also I don’t think I actually have much in the way of merch other than DVDs. I stopped being a DVD completist at some point around Freaknick The Musical. Oh, I never EVER bought a Robot Chicken DVD, EVER. I literally had a nightmare once that one appeared in my collection.

Hey! Please keep us abreast any time you put more of your garbage on eBay. Maybe you can put your wedding dress on there, you big girl.

Fucking sexist/trasphobic behavior.

Check out my eBay auctions I got season 18 of NCIS up there and some other things :)

The Ripping Friends blow chunks. I don't care if a rapist or the opposite of a rapist (a virgin who volunteers, lol) made it. It sucks a high hard one like when Ozzy banged the Cheiftan's Wife in that Black Sabbath TV Funhouse cartoon. Tell me more.

Tell you more?

Name one rap song you tolerate lol. You can't say anything by weird al or marky mark.

I guess I like the song the pest sings from the motion picture The Pest

Are there any good podcasts on adult swim?

The official one hosted by Matt Harrigan is good, but I’ve only bounced around on it. I don’t know if there’s any formal recap ones. I simply don’t know!

HE'S GIVING HIGH HARD ONE TO CHEIFTAN'S WIFE? UH OH!

Buddy, you are BANNED for LIFE from my MAIL BAG! You drive me CRAZY!

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #night of the living doo #boo boo runs wild #yogi bear #jetsons #ephemera

[skullsandwineglasses]

Hi! There is a show: ZYW and some other guy travel for 3 days. From what I've seen, it's his morning routine to warm up his vocal cords Also ZYW is hugging trees and basically most of the time they eat lol Also they talk a lot, so I guess it should be cool to understand. When you have two minutes, could you tell us what this show is about in general? The name on youtube: 《仅三天可见》[第六期] 姜思达 周一围｜一个冠军给我带来了无妄之灾 Perhaps they're visiting some place important to ZYW? Thank you so much for all your help!)

Yeah, so in brief, the show is about the host, Jiang Sida (JSD), who spends 3 days with a celebrity in each episode to try to understand them better. 

ZYW in particular is a celebrity who really interested Jiang Sida because of how quickly ZYW gained popularity after Birth of an Actor, and also because of all of the negative rumours swirling around his personal life. ZYW is often insulted by the media for being 油腻, which means greasy. Greasy is an insult used to describe older, middle-aged men who are sleazy, self-absorbed, and on the heavier or chubbier side, although sometimes this insult can be leveled at younger, in-shape male celebrities too who come off as kind of douchey. 

It’s sad because even though ZYW doesn’t often express it, you can tell that the rumours do get to him. For instance, during the first meal in the show, he wanted to use a toothpick, but he was wary about using it in front of the cameras so he pocketed it away. The host noticed this and sympathized and playfully said, “Ah, too protective of your image. Stop the camera. Let’s go upstairs to the third floor, I understand you.”

The vocal cord warm up (that occurred during the hike before that meal) happened because ZYW asked JSD “you studied production right, not broadcast? If you studied broadcast, this would be a good place to practice your sound”, to which JSD replied, “show me” (or, “give one”). ZYW proceeded to demonstrate a dantian qi exercise. 

In the voiceover during the hike, JSD  said that even though they were friendly, things were still a little awkward and distant between them since they hadn’t gotten to know each other yet. 

On the third floor rooftop, JSD opened up to ZYW about a film he wanted to write about. JSD shared his ideas to ZYW, saying that the film would tell the story of his father who spends a year away at sea fishing. ZYW then shares his feedback, saying that it’s a really meaningful story because it’s about the loneliness of a man out at sea. Basically, this conversation is what finally allowed JSD to connect to ZYW because they were finally talking about deep and thoughtful topics like the art of storytelling and life lessons. ZYW said to JSD, you need to think about what kind of perspective you want to show. Is the story about the son’s feelings about his father’s return, or is the story the father’s story at sea, and the son is just an observer meant as a stand-in for the audience? ZYW then said that he was pleasantly surprised to learn about this side of JSD because he now knows that JSD is able to understand him. He also encourages JSD to keep pursuing his dream of wanting to make this movie. It doesn’t matter whether the end result is good or not, but it’s a joy to be able wake up everyday and pursue your goal. JSD says that he spends everyday thinking about this story he’s creating, because he wants to get to know the story better since it’s still so unfamiliar and foreign to him. 

During the tea segment, JSD asked ZYW if he was bothered by the things the media says about him and he kind of just shrugs it off and says that it grounds him. They talk about how he used to love karaoke (KTV) when he was younger, JSD asked him what his wife likes about him, and ZYW said that you have to ask his wife why. ZYW mentioned how people would call him PUA, or “pick up artist”, and then JSD if those things bothered him. ZYW said that he learned to ignore those things, but they do bother his wife. The tea segment ends with them noting that it looks like it’s about to rain soon, and ZYW says, when it rains, you can choose to stand in the rain, or avoid it and go indoors. 

During the evening meal, ZYW is asked again about how he feels about what people say about him and why he doesn’t address the rumours. ZYW says that it’s pointless because his voice alone isn’t going to make all the rumours stop. JSD says that it could be cathartic to be able to yell back at people, and ZYW laughs and says it’ll only be for a moment’s satisfaction but it won’t change anything. When asked if he is a person who likes to win, ZYW said that he likes to finish things, but does that make him someone who likes to win? He doesn’t compare himself to others, but he just wants to do what’s expected of him. JSD then tells ZYW that the director of the show asked him if he was worried that netizens would accuse him of trying to use this show to try to rescue ZYW’s image (洗白, which means to “wash white”, or clear someone’s name). JSD tells ZYW that his goal is to present celebrities in an honest and genuine manner, and if it just so happens that the celebrity is actually a better person than what netizens thought, then that’s the truth and he’s not fabricating anything. 

The following evening, they have a conversation about happiness. ZYW says that he doesn’t compare between the years in his life or classify certain years or decades as being bad years or good years. He doesn’t wish to forget the bad years. He says, why would you need to forget the bad years?

By the river, ZYW asks JSD if he ever thought about what kind of animal he wanted to be. JSD says that it doesn’t really matter what animal, but if you asked him if he would rather become someone else, he’d say no. ZYW says that not wanting to be another person is a pretty good answer. 

During the final sit-down interview, JSD starts off the conversation by saying that ZYW looks relaxed most of the time, but he’s actually 绷 (”beng”) on the inside, meaning stretched-tight. ZYW asks how so. JSD says that ZYW is constantly noticing things around him, and avoiding things and people and cameras. ZYW says that it’s part of his job to notice more details more than the average person. In terms of avoiding cameras, he’s constantly being scrutinized, there are always cameras around him. Even during this interview, they have to put on a show of being relaxed in casual conversation, even though there’s a whole sea of cameras and people with mics and earpieces around them. So it’s only natural to want to try to find a balance between reel and real life by being a little aversive towards cameras and people’s scrutiny.  

JSD then says that ZYW seems like he has a lot of thoughts that he keeps to himself. JSD says ZYW is 拧巴 (”ning ba”) , which kind of means uncomfortable, awkward, restless, wanting to do something but not doing it, like for example, being uncomfortable with rumours but not addressing them. ZYW says that what’s the point of explaining? How is it meaningful? Will explaining something change you as a person? You are still you whether you choose to explain something you not. Likewise, you are still you despite the rumours. The rumours (no matter how bad they are) don’t change who you are. Only you know who you are.

This really reminds me of what Xiao Qi said in episode 64 of TRP: “If there’s anything that needs to be explained, then no matter how much you try to explain it, it’s never going to be explained away. Let them spread the rumours.”

ZYW explains that there is no way that a single word or statement from him can possibly fend off the tens of thousands of words from netizens, so there is no point. In addition, rumours are only momentary and they ebb and flow. The netizens are always going to look for a new rumour or scandal to talk about anyway, so the uproar about him is only temporary. 

ZYW also says that there will always be rumours. There’s no truth. He will never expect that a single interview can change people’s minds. First of all, the viewers can’t experience the conversation in the same way the he and JSD are currently experiencing the conversation now in this moment. The audience will be watching it through a screen. The audience will only seeing an edited recording of the conversation, but they will never be able to know or understand the “true” nature of the conversation that he and JSD are having right now because the audience isn’t here with them. This is actually some really deep and philosophical insight from ZYW lol. What is real? What is the truth? 

JSD asks ZYW is this means that he’s disappointed and lost faith with the audience. ZYW says no, this is just reality. We can only hope to influence people who are able to influence, like people in our immediate circle, but when it comes to noise or mass opinions, you don’t have control over that. 

JSD then asks about fatherhood. JSD says that most men would talk about how fatherhood has changed them. ZYW says that most of his friends talk about this, but he doesn’t. But if he doesn’t talk about it, does he think about it? ZYW pauses to reflect. In another interview, ZYW noted that all kids have their own life “scripts” that they act out and deal with (this was in response to how he doesn’t seem to be home often to be with his kid). In that interview, he said that that was the way in which he had to grow up, figuring out his own script (and essentially not relying on anyone), so he doesn’t expect it to be any different for his own child. This once again result in the media backlash against him and questioning his role as a father. Which is why when faced with this question from JSD now, ZYW has to pause to think carefully about how to answer. 

JSD asks why can’t ZYW give a straightforward answer for the audience. The audience doesn’t want to hear an answer buried in layers of meaning, but they just want a simple answer to things. ZYW says that sometimes he isn’t completely sure of what the answer to something is, and so he can’t give a straight answer. It would be easy to give the answer that the audience wants, but he needs to be able to give answer that is genuine and resonates with him. 

JSD asks how ZYW would respond if the audience calls him self-absorbed. ZYW turns the question back to JSD and asks him to provide a response for him because he doesn’t know how to. ZYW said that he would just not respond and let it pass. On top of that, ZYW says that he doesn’t think of himself as being self-absorbed at all. He’s actually dissatisfied with himself in a lot of ways, and all he wants is for the audience to not pay attention to him so that he can be peacefully left alone. 

JSD asks if ZYW is he is more afraid of being criticized or being forgotten. ZYW says that being forgotten would mean that there is a problem with his acting skills. In terms of being criticized, it would depend on the criticism. He would mind criticism towards his acting because he would want to improve any problems in craft. However, if it’s personal criticism, then he doesn’t care. 

ZYW says that someone he admires once said, it’s a complicated world out there, so find a comfortable position, change positions, and learn to live with it.

JSD’s second last question to ZYW is whether he’d rather choose a comfortable position/posture or a beautiful position/posture. ZYW said that he would choose a comfortable position. JSD asks if ZYW thinks his current “posture” looks good (i.e., if his current standing and image is favourable). ZYW asks that you’ll have to ask someone else in order to know. 

The last question asked whether ZYW can predict how this interview will be received by audience. ZYW says that they touched upon many deep topics, but it’s hard to say what kind of effect it will have on the audience, or how the audience would choose to interpret it. He’ll welcome thoughtful discussion, but it would regretful if the audience took away very superficial things from the discussion. 

JSD asks if ZYW is happy with the discussion today. ZYW says that if it weren’t for the cameras, they could have gone deeper into some topics, but because there are cameras, he has to have impose boundaries on the things he’s willing to reveal. But he says that he would be interested in having more private conversations with JSD.  

JSD ends the episode saying that ZYW is an old soul who knows himself, knows what he wants, and already has his own “world” (meaning he already has what he needs). 

lol I was at first only going to summarize the first few minutes of the episode, but I ended up watching the whole thing because I was so memorized by ZYW’s insights, so here you go, a scene by scene summary of the episode. 

For those curious, you can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzt31O7imS4

#zhou yiwei #zhou yi wei #cdrama

[ivesory]

How To Get And Develop Great Invention Ideas

Where do you get your ideas? That is one concern that effective developers obtain asked a whole lot. And it is not a very easy one to answer.

Extra so since the urge to produce and also invent generally originates from the midsts of an individual's body and soul. Nonetheless, aside from the creative side, a great innovator requires a little equilibrium and the capability to be able to very carefully determine and also evaluate whether their invention is something that will certainly one day verify to be helpful or it is simply a pipe dream that will certainly never fly. You can also find out how to get help with invention

Which brings us to one of the most vital tests for any kind of invention. This is an examination that every invention needs to pass to intend to be anywhere near practical. It fixates the inquiry of whether it will fix any type of issue adequately sufficient to be seen to be useful. It is very usual ahead across creators that have produced some fancy gizmo that can complete some job however does not solve any type of issue or boost the lifestyle for any person at all. Even if you were to press such an item into the market, t would certainly prove very challenging to sell or to discover consumers for it.

It interests note below that numerous creations have wound up offering various objective than what they were intended for. Viagra one of the most popular marketing medications of the contemporary age was evaluated as a medical service to various human conditions. Something to do with regulating hypertension in people. Some sharp analysts say it's intriguing side effect an opened up a whole new industry and a useful wonder drug for the manufacturer.

This is one reason that you need to approach the testing phase of your prototypes with an open mind. Prospects as well as consumers also regularly manage surprises and also wind up acting differently from what you might have anticipated.

Exactly how to Know Your Invention Idea is Good

Remaining in the invention idea organization, I obtain a lot of inquiries, a lot of asking, "Is my idea great?" It's challenging to respond to, specifically when the idea is somebody's job that they've supported for rather a long time.

So, just how do you understand if your idea is a good one? Do some evaluation. I have always been a follower of gathering data and jumping my concepts off this details for recognition, or to at least understand just how to turn my poor idea right into a good one. An excellent area to begin is where you want to wind up-- the industry. Before you go there, ask on your own a couple of concerns.

Ask: What sort of product will my idea be? What sector of the market will wish to acquire this item? What objective does it offer, and also is their a big-enough audience to warrant it? If it fixes specific trouble, do sufficient people have this problem to verify its presence on the marketplace? Will it be utilized by old men, girls or by a teen?

Once you answer questions like these, you're ready to analyze the marketplace. Based upon your reactions, you ought to have a respectable idea of what kinds of companies would carry an item like your own and what stores could market it. Take a look at comparable items. You may find that another person currently offers your idea, which isn't necessarily negative. Consider it as a springboard into a various invention idea. Does the product currently selling on the market lack something? Find it and also attempt to make something much better.

Gather every one of this information together and try to better develop your invention idea. A well-thought idea will make it simpler to transform it into something with value since the hard thing with ideas is that they are simply that. It's very tough to examine an idea to recognize if it's good or otherwise. To genuinely do that, you need to transform that idea into something, which is your invention or item. Currently, this has value over just an idea. It can be checked in real-life scenarios, you can engage with it and gather more data and even present it to a supplier or a firm for prospective licensing, typically completion objective with many ideas. Remember it's not an invention when it's just an idea. Anyone can have ideas, even your idea. I understand it might seem odd, yet we human beings usually do assume alike. However, it's not an invention until you've developed it. This takes time and effort.

Also check out the InventHelp on youtube

How to Submit Your Invention Ideas to Large Companies

If you are considering sending any of your invention ideas to a company, it is really important to first figure out if the firm accepts unsolicited invention submissions. Do not send anything without very first making get in touch with or understanding the business's invention entry guidelines.

If you send an idea to a business without contacting them or understanding their entry standards, you may obtain a being rejected notice. Without the proper records or compliance with the submission guidelines, the firm that you are submitting to may reject the entry without also a look at your sent materials.

Corporations wish to secure their interests and also shield themselves from legal actions. The sole purpose of an idea entry plan is to stay clear of prospective misconceptions or disputes and also provide reasonable protection to companies items released later on that may appear comparable. Because of this, firms will not accept sent ideas unless there is an arrangement established as well as adhered to.

For example, Sears will certainly not consider any kind of idea submitted to it unless it is sent based on Sears Regards to Entry Arrangement. If you don't follow the standards or develop your own with the business that you are submitting to, your idea could be quickly turned down, and also the opportunity may well be lost.

Virtually every significant company has its own invention idea entry standards. You might discover the business submission standards uploaded on their website. If you do not discover an entry guideline on the internet site, be sure to call as well as request one before sending out any type of details to the firm.

A well-thought idea will certainly make it simpler to turn it right into something with worth because the hard thing with ideas is that they are simply that. To do that, you need to turn that idea into something, which is your invention or item. Remember it's not an invention when it's simply an idea. Anyone can have ideas, even your idea. Nearly every significant company has its own invention idea submission guidelines.

#innovation #technology #inventors #success story #prototype #products #InventHelp #inventions #ideas

[curly-bangtan]

#15 with yoongi - fluffy or smutty :D

#15: “you’re so annoying and needy… fine just come over here.”

Warnings: oral (f), lil bit of dry humping cos u know i love that shit teehee

A/N: Wow I love writing Yoongi, might have to bang out all the drabble requests for him while I’m at it… Didn’t mean for this to get smutty but oh well.

.

You let out a whine, high-pitched and exaggerated, and flip the page of your novel. Glancing up, Yoongi doesn’t seem to notice the slight irritation in your tone, or if he does, he doesn’t show it.

Hmph. Why is he like this?

Another sigh leaves your pouting lips. At this point, you’re not even absorbing the words you’re scanning into your head anymore, so you put the book down in defeat. Click click, goes his mouse. Your boyfriend is completely immersed in his music production, his big black headphones caging his ears, isolating him from the rest of the world. The rest of the world being you.

You throw your arms back to stretch like a cat, ruffling the neatly made covers of his bed. It’s a pet peeve of his, the way you never make the bed. You’d always tune him out when he would lecture you about not leaving your room in a mess; just because he’s your daddy doesn’t make him your dad too. But right now, you kind of miss his low monotonous voice droning on and telling you off.

Because even that, or just anything, is better than him not giving you the attention you’re craving.

But it’s also not in your nature to beg. He either notices that you’re lonely or he doesn’t. It’s his duty as your boyfriend to care about you.

“Ow!” You suddenly yelp.

Nothing is hurting, you’re just testing whether he can actually hear you or not.

Yoongi’s neck immediately snaps around, round poker face searching yours. You quickly pretend to rub the imaginary paper cut on your finger. His gaze lingers on your hand, flickers to your face, and to your disappointment, turns back to the screen.

Not even a word. Wow.

Feeling cranky at his apparent lack of concern, you whip your phone out and start scrolling so aggressively that the pad of your thumb feels raw. You can’t even muster enough care for the people on your screen. Cool, Yeji went to Tokyo with her boyfriend. Sure they look cute, sure you wish you and Yoongi were in Japan right now too, but whatever. Who gives a shit. Aggressive scroll.

One of Yoongi’s best qualities is how hard-working he is. One of Yoongi’s worst qualities is how hard-working he is.

Of course you love how he reaps the benefits of his diligence. His newest record got approved by his agency again and is currently being worked on in the studio with a new up-and-coming artist. You genuinely cannot be prouder of him. He does what he loves, and loves he does. That’s really admirable nowadays.

But, but, as his girlfriend, you would really wish for him to pay some attention to you every now and then. You don’t ask for much, just an occasional kiss, or even acknowledgement that you’re in the same room would be nice, thank you very much.

“Yoongi, I’m tired.” Code for: Yoongi, can you come over and spoon me so we can sleep already?

He grunts a response that vaguely resembles ‘go to sleep, I’ll be done a sec…’ which would be inaudible to any ears except your own, because by now you are trained to be able to distinguish his low grumbles and murmurs. You want to throw your book at him. Wait, that’s not even a bad idea. Because that would at least get his attention, piss him off.

Instead, you trud over and switch off the lights. But not before you change out of your clothes into his favourite SG shirt, the beige one since he’s wearing the black, purposely not wearing pants so he can catch a glimpse of your ass when you get up.

Yoongi clears his throat but averts your eye, the blue light of the screen illuminating his face in the new darkness.

You want to strangle him. Stupid sack of rice. What man ignores his girlfriend prancing around in his T-shirt and a sexy red thong?

Slightly too dramatic, maybe, you start pretending to call your friend Jimin. “Hey! What’s up?” You purposely don’t keep your voice down even though you know how much Yoongi appreciates a calm ambiance while working. A ball of satisfaction sinks in as you notice his shoulders perk up in attention. “That’s great! … Nah, I’m not up to much, just really bored and sleepy.” Emphasising volume on really. “Yeah, Yoongi’s good, working again of course. You know how he is. Haha, yeah I saw her post too, she’s in Tokyo with her boyfriend. I want to go so badly with Yoongi but he’s busy all the time ‘coz he’s doing really well with his music and all that… Wait seriously? Let’s actually go together!”

Okay, maybe you’re getting carried away with your narrative. But can anyone blame you?

Yoongi’s chair swivels so abruptly at you that you drop your phone, startled. He rests his headphones on his neck and watches you with that annoyingly blank expression of his.

Swiftly, you pick your phone back up to orchestrate your fake goodbyes with ‘Jimin’, excusing that you’re going to bed soon. You stare back at your boyfriend, awaiting him to finally say something.

He sighs. “Jimin smashed his phone today.”

Oh.

You feel the flames rush to your cheeks, soaking in embarrassment. You don’t even know what to say because what the fuck does one say when one gets caught pretending to be on the phone with someone?

“Is your book boring?” His back is turned from the screen, shadow casted on his face, yet you can tell that he’s frowning lightly.

You still can’t say anything. Mind in a state of malfunction at the humiliation.

“Let me see your paper cut.”

Shit. Caught twice.

“Um. It’s nothing, not even any blood, you won’t be able to see it.” Heat continues to flood your face. His bullshit sensor aas never failed him before, why do you even try to lie to him?

Yoongi exhales in exasperation, clearly fed up. And you feel small, diminished, guilty. “You’re so annoying and needy. I’m working, I said I’ll be done soon.”

“Yeah but you say that every time…” You half whisper half whine. “I just miss you, that’s all…”

For a moment, he just looks at you, expression unreadable as usual. You think he’s going to turn back to resume his work, but then he sighs and says, “Fine, just come over here.”

The smile immediately blooms across your face, it’s the pure and genuine kind of smile that infects all of your facial features. And in the darkness, you spot the slightest smallest quirk upwards of his lips too as you crawl across the bed to plop yourself onto his lap. His hands instinctively run up your bare thighs and rest on your ass as you straddle him. The chair turns from the momentum you induce so your back is facing his computer and his face is once again lit up.

Your arms snake up his chest and around his neck, their permanent place of residence. You bask in every drop of his attention, loving the way he silent studies every inch of your face.

“You called me annoying and needy.” Brows drawing, you pout at him, luring out more of his care.

“That’s synonymous with cute, don’t you know me?”

You giggle, forehead falling onto his. Your legs feel warm on top of him, especially as he begins to feathering up and down them, his fingers tickling your ass more and more each time. Goosebumps.

“You can’t walk around with no pants like that, baby girl.” You feel a sudden pulse on your clit at his name for you. His pinky is fiddling with the lace of your thong now, and habitually you press your crotch onto his. “You’re so impatient.” His other hand reaches for your face, touch trailing down your jaw so soft it feels like a ghost. “So demanding.” He squeezes your ass.

Nose brushing, Yoongi glimpses up at you through his lashes and you know you’ve won. He has succumbed to you.

His kisses taste like midnight coffee. Slow, lethargic, but no less passionate. He removes the headphones from around his neck without breaking the seal between your lips, hauling you further up his lap until you feel his semi-hard member jab at your core. And when you dare grind your clothed slit over him lasciviously, you both shudder at the friction, his own hips buckling up to meet you. His fingers dig into the flesh of your bottom, guiding your idle rhythm.

“It’s ‘coz I want you.” You whisper into his mouth. “I always want you.”

The throaty groan he releases is enough to gather a rich dampness between your legs. You wonder if he can feel how wet you are as you rub yourself over him.

“Well, if you had waited a little longer,” he pauses to nibble the skin of your neck, “you would have found out that I was planning on eating you out tonight as soon as I’m done with this track.”

Your breath snags in your throat, almost as if he had bitten into your jugular. Hands traveling up his shirt, you cosset his soft milky skin, he himself mirroring your action.

“And… are you done with this track?”

“No. But priorities.”

Yoongi lifts you off his lap onto the desk, his mouse gliding away at the contact with your side. And slowly, head burrowing under your shirt, he sucks purple petals onto your breasts, teasing your nipple between his teeth. Then comes the languid trail of kisses from your sternum down to navel, tongue marking a wet path to your cunt.

As he tugs your panties off, he peaks out from under your shirt, gives that lazy lopsided smirk of his that made you fall in love with him in the first place, then disappears underneath again. Kissing your thighs nearer and nearer to you slick, he props your legs over his shoulders and you can’t help but pull him closer with your ankles.

Fuck, you’re already a goner.

When his warm mouth meets your clit, you jerk up, narrowly avoiding slamming your palm onto his keyboard. If making music is what Yoongi is best at, then devouring your pussy is what he’s second best at.

Your moan is unsuppressed. Each time his tongue flickers around your clit, you feel a pulse of desire ripple through you. He doesn’t stop, showing no mercy because this is what you had ask for, so this is what you shall receive. You want him? You have him. And when he inserts two fingers while he sucks on your swollen bud, teeth scraping at your folds, you call out his name like he’s your religion.

He makes you come thrice that night. All times on his desk.

.

05/11/19

© Copyright 2019

#curly drabbles #yoongi #yoongi smut #yoongi drabble #yoongi oneshot #yoongi drabbles #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #yoongi imagine #bts #bts smut #bts drabbles #bts imagines #namjoon #seokjin #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #namjoon smut #seokjin smut #hoseok smut #jimin smut #taehyung smut #jungkook smut

[magstorrn]

rating the artilleryman actors from jeff wayne’s musical version of the war of the worlds*

*from the perspective of someone who’s never seen the show live but, in my defence, has sought out just about every illegally filmed snippet on youtube and I've seen both official recordings many times. some of these are based on a single recording tho so take my words w/ a grain of salt. im also not going to get everyone because for a number of the actors there’s not enough evidence to go off

david essex

summary: the man the myth the legend. there are only a couple photos of him during recording sessions but he was clearly having the time of his life, and his hoarse voice and cockney accent bring an edge to the character that’s often absent (also means his own background is closest to that of the character). obviously they didn’t kick start the stage show until about 30 years after he recorded for the role but sometimes i daydream about an actual theatre production of twotw in the 70s bc holy shit, he was already doing evita when he recorded for twotw and had starred in godspell by this time and he wouldve been absolutely magnificent. 

he’s also like the only actor im aware of that properly belts the ‘it’s going to have to start’ line and it just. sounds so good. he’s also the only artilleryman actor that imo sounds good in act 1 and like someone who’s genuinely witnessed a traumatic event and is still reeling in shock. he brings this kind of manic earnest with him in brave new world and it enhances the song 100% bc he’s so completely convinced things will work out

iconic moment: the way he yells ‘just’ after the whispered section in the middle of brave new world. chef’s kiss

rating: 10/10 im biased as all hell

alexis james

summary: the true mystery of this man is that he looks so old and so young at the same time (put it down to the incredibly fake weird sideburns and the receding hairline) and that he didn’t seem to do any more work in this vein post-2006. deserves credit for being the first stage show actor in the role, running around for 12 minutes straight pretending to use a massive pencil compass and digging at the stage, and for pulling things off pretty damn well. the almost surgical slit at the knee of his pants irritates me and im glad they didnt do it again

iconic moment: singing the entirety of brave new world with a pseudo american accent for no reason at all. im 99% sure he’s english

rating: 7/10

jason donovan

summary: the day that jason moved from the artilleryman role to the parson role was the finest day of his life as well as mine. he’s absolutely outstanding as nathaniel but tbh i think in the artilleryman role he’s just... bad (and doesnt have NEARLY enough fake blood everywhere). a lot of the lines sound like theyre cut short or like he can’t quite hit the note he’s aiming for, and there’s times when he just sounds completely off, or barks his lines for no reason. like alexis james he was part of the pre-new gen era so he has like two props and he has to pretend to use these for over ten minutes and i salute him for that. speaking of salutes i love how he randomly embellishes some of his lines with a salute

iconic moment: *high pitched australian accent* iT’S You. the MAn from mayBury HILL

rating: 4/10

ricky wilson

summary: ricky wilson was the first artilleryman for the new gen era which was iconic enough in itself, but then he also gave us the black eye, goggles, waxed moustache, the glass of water trick, rolled up sleeves, and so much more. also the tragic victim of the bottle of whiskey line, but he salvages it by just swigging from the bottle right then and there. act 1 RW kinda has the vibe of a man who’s just unexpectedly watched his football team of preference lose badly rather than witnessed a massacre, but by act 2 he sounds like he just came up with a plan to save civilisation at 3am while blind drunk and he’s going to tell you about it whether you like it or not. also pioneered the trend of stripping his coat at the start of the song. he definitely sounds better in the visual recording than on the album as he barely sounds like himself on the latter (why is he like the only actor from the stage show that’s also on the album?? ill always wonder). even then though he seems very jittery and nervous and like he’s trying to overcompensate by being super energetic and the way he basically screams all his lines gets annoying after long enough

that said his swagger and confidence are completely unbeatable and while i wouldnt trust him as far as i can throw him, he deserves a spot in the artilleryman hall of fame, although im still unsure to this day whether he’s using the spade correctly

iconic moment: *hip thrust* WALLOP

rating: 9/10

shayne ward

summary: again this is based on like a single recording but he can SING and i wish he showed off more than he does. he also sounds properly panicky/shaky in the first act which i always appreciate since he’s been Through It and a lot of performances don’t get that across. he’s giving it his all/aiming to give the best performance he can and it shows! he also has a ton of bruises/so much fake blood everywhere and his shirt’s in tatters and it’s great. the high notes sound fantastic also

iconic moment: stripping off the coat about ten minutes before any other artilleryman actor im aware of, and yeeting it off the stage

rating: 8/10

adam garcia

summary: i would say that bc he’s australian i have no choice but to stan but ive already been rly mean to jason donovan so that doesnt stand up anymore. anyway i basically regard adam garcia as the spiritual successor to david essex - similar sound, similar vibes, similar musical theatre background, similar genuine earnest with that edge of manic desperation and oncoming insanity. his facial expressions and gestures and pure enthusiasm throughout BNW are my favourite thing, and he maintains more of a long-sleeved pirate vibe as opposed to the ricky wilson rolled up sleeve vibe. unlike ricky wilson i also think he might’ve actually used a spade before

he also does so so much running around, and has more props than ever - the chair, the blackboard, the goggles, the gun, the spade, but at least he’s kept busy for the long instrumental sections, although i think it’s awful he gets cut off at the end of his song by life begins again while he just like, keeps digging? his singing is rly consistent and really quality, although i think he unfortunately sounds pretty bad in act 1. the whole losing his mind thing in act 2 salvages it tho

iconic moment: *obvious david essex impression* holidees 

rating: 9/10

honourable mentions to daniel bedingfield (can’t find a recording anywhere), michael falzon (i can’t find a full recording of him), and taron egerton (doesnt get to sing in the audio drama but his character is clearly gay)

#news from the common

[babyboy-bangtan]

By Chance Chapter 11

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS’s radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

✚ Pairing: Sub!BTS/Female Reader ✚ Word Count: 2.9K ✚ Rating: M ✚ Warnings: None. ✚ A/N: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Dialogues spoken in Korean when English is also being spoken will be bolded and italicized. Read on AO3 / Chapters 1-4 /  Chapters 5-8 / Chapters 9-10

The Surprise

To say you're having a busy week would be an understatement. Apart from photoshoots and other scheduled interviews, you've been working tirelessly with the SNL cast and writers about the sketches you're going to be performing, which will hopefully be well received by the audience and everyone will have a good time. But besides all that, something you've really been looking forward to is happening today.

Today you're going to record the promos with BTS, which also means you're meeting them for the first time. You know they landed in New York a couple days ago and from what you've been told they've been rehearsing almost nonstop— but you haven't had a chance to see them in person.

Until now, that is.

When you arrived at the studio you were quickly briefed on how the shoot was going to go; after they're done with their photos, you'll be doing the promos with Cecily and BTS will accompany you. You were ushered to your dressing room shortly after, but on the way there you managed to get someone from the SNL crew to tell you that they hadn't arrived to the building yet.

To kill time while you get your makeup done after getting dressed, you put your earphones on and quickly search "How to say hello in Korean" on Youtube.

"Ann-yang— fuck, that's not right—" You curse, sighing before going back a few seconds on the video. The makeup artist snickers at you, and you smile at her. "Annyeong— a-nnyeong— annyeonghaseyo—" You go back again and listen to the woman in the video one more time. "Annyeonghaseyo— I think that's right. Annyeonghaseyo, annyeong-haseyo."  You repeat, testing the word on your tongue. "Annyeonghaseyo. Yeah I think I got it." You say to yourself, closing the video. "Annyeonghaseyo!" You repeat one last time, saying it to your reflection in the mirror. "Yep, I got it."

"Okay, you're done." Your makeup artist says, pulling back and checking her work. "I'll see you before the shoot to see if there's something I need to fix." You give her a thumbs up as she gathers her things.

"Thank you!"

As she leaves, you turn around to check yourself in the mirror. At first glance it doesn't seem like she did a lot, but her instructions were to give you a more natural, casual look, and she did a very good job.

"Over here." You hear someone say behind you, and when you turn around you're surprised to find BTS walk into the room, waving at you.

"Annyeonghaseyo!"  You quickly greet them, getting up from your chair and walking up to them with a bright, friendly grin.

Jungkook barely slept the previous night. Part of it can easily be attributed to jet lag, but another reason for it was the fact that today they're going to meet you.

Finally.

Yesterday they were told that they needed to shoot the photos that they'll use before their performances and then the promos with you, and from that moment on Jungkook was barely able to think about anything else. Jimin is also very excited, but Jungkook can tell he's not nearly as nervous as he is. He didn't let it affect his mindset during rehearsals, but the moment they got a break or had to stop, he was suddenly reminded that he was going to meet you in only hours and he got nervous all over again.

"My hands are shaking."  He says as they ride the elevator to the SNL studio floor, looking down at his trembling fingers.

"Jungkook-ah—" Hoseok says in a soothing voice, grabbing Jungkook's hands with his to stop them from shaking. "It's gonna be okay."  Jungkook smiles and nods, even if it does nothing to ease his nerves. He's certain you're going to be nice to them, but he's a bit worried he'll get too flustered and you'll think he's weird.

The elevator door opens and they are greeted by their staff and someone from SNL's as well, who quickly starts explaining them where they need to go and what they will be doing. Namjoon makes sure to ask whatever questions they all had, and soon enough they are getting ready in their dressing room.

"What's Namjoon doing?"  Jin asks as he puts his jacket on, looking at him speak with someone from the SNL crew. 

"I don't know, they called him over."  Yoongi replies with a shrug, looking at himself in the mirror to see if his clothes fit like they're supposed to. 

"Namjoon-hyung, what did they want?"  Taehyung asks when Namjoon returns sporting a suspiciously satisfied smile.

"Jungkook, Jimin, come here as well." Up until this point, the two had been watching a video of their rehearsal sitting on a couch together, oblivious to what was happening around them.

"What is it, Hyung?"  Jimin asks, with Jungkook right behind him.

"So, someone from the SNL staff just told me that in two minutes we're going to take our pictures—"  The rest just stare at him, because they all knew that already. It's not news. "—and after that they said we're going to go meet [Y/N] in her dressing room, before we shoot the promos."

"In her dressing room?" Jin asks, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Are you guys coming, too?"  He asks their staff, but they shake their heads.

"We're not filming it cause we haven't asked her if she's okay with it."  Namjoon clarifies, and the rest nod in understanding. He turns to Jungkook and Jimin, who are just standing there looking shocked, albeit in very different ways.

Jimin is grinning widely looking like Christmas came early, but Jungkook is standing there looking like a little kid who is about to tell his parents he just threw up.

"What's wrong?"  Hoseok asks, resting his hand on Jungkook's shoulder. 

"I can't do it."  He says suddenly, shaking his head. "I'm too nervous. You should go without me."

"What?!"  Jimin protests, turning around to look at him with his eyes wide. "You've been waiting for this for months, you have to come!"

"What if I embarrass myself in front of her and she thinks I'm weird?" 

"Jungkook-ah, if you embarrass yourself in front of her, I'll embarrass myself in front of her even more!" Hoseok says, lifting his fist up resolutely. "She'll forget about anything you did."  Jungkook genuinely smiles at that and nods, finally agreeing. Hoseok wraps his arm around his shoulder comfortingly. "You'll be just fine."

"Guys, it's time to go." Someone from the SNL staff says from the door. "Follow me."

"It will be okay."  Namjoon tells Jungkook before they walk out, rubbing his arms in a soothing manner. "Don't worry about it."

The shoot ends up being incredibly fun, and they know their fans are absolutely going to love how the pictures turned out. There are some that ended up looking incredibly goofy, and they hope those are pictures they end up using during the episode. But as they see the same staff member who talked to Namjoon earlier come in searching for them, they all know what's coming next. 

"Hey guys, if you can follow me, please." She says, walking ahead and looking back from time to time to make sure they're all behind her. "Her dressing room is this way. They should be done with her makeup by now."

"Hoseok-ah, can you come here a second?" Namjoon asks, pulling him from the middle of their line into the front with him. "I need to ask a favor."  He whispers, and Hoseok nods. "When we greet her, I'm gonna give her a hug. I need you to come right after me and give her a hug as well, so that she knows it's okay to do that. That way, Jungkook will get a hug too."

"Ah, that's a good idea."  He says, nodding. "Okay."

"It's just around the corner." The staff woman says, and soon enough she's standing next to an open door pointing them inside. "Over here."

Namjoon and Hoseok go in first, with Jimin, Yoongi, Jin, Taehyung and finally Jungkook right behind them.

You stand up as soon as they enter, smiling widely at them. 

"Annyeonghaseyo!"  You say, waving both hands. The greeting catches them by surprise, because none of them had expected you'd say hello in Korean, and perfectly pronounced as well.

A chorus of annyeonghaseyo and annyeong is their response, and Namjoon is quick to walk up to you and give you a hug you reciprocate immediately.

"I didn't know you spoke Korean." He jokes, and you grimace and shake your head.

"That's because I don't." You say with a laugh, and Hoseok moves in to hug you as well. "I wish I did, but hello is as far as I got."

Yoongi, Jin and Taehyung hug you after them, and Jimin is next.

"That was a very good hello." He says, smiling brightly at you before giving you a hug as well. 

"Thank you, Jimin." You say, and he is caught by surprise at the sound of his name. It seems that it shows on his face, because you laugh when you pull away. "What, you thought I wouldn't know your names?" You move onto the only person left, and Namjoon and Hoseok share a look with each other. You might not realize because you don't know him, but Jungkook is clearly feeling completely shy at the moment. "Jungkook!" You say, opening your arms and pulling him into a hug as well.

He hugs you back immediately, and maybe for an outsider it would look like a normal hug, but to Jungkook is much more than that. The first thing he noticed when you started greeting them was how warm and kind your smile looked, and how much nicer your voice sounds in person, even if he knows people would tell him it sounds just like in the movies. It doesn't— it's only slightly different to the voice you use when you act, but he can tell. The sound of his own name coming out of your lips made his heartbeat speed up, and the moment you wrapped your arms around him he was immediately enveloped by two things: warmth and the most comforting smell he's ever experienced.

You pull away sooner than he would've liked— if it was for him he would've kept hugging you for 10 minutes— and he feels like if he tries to speak right now there is not a chance even a single word will come out of his mouth.

"I'm not gonna lie, we didn't think you'd know our names." Namjoon says, giving you a guilty smile. You laugh and Jungkook almost gasps, because you're still standing next to him and hearing you laugh in person is completely different than seeing it on a screen.

"Nice to know you think so highly of me!" You joke. "Of course I know your names, guys. Jungkook, Jimin, V, Jin, Suga, J-Hope and Namjoon." You point at each one of them as you say their names. "I can also do the chant your fans make, if you want me to." 

"No, no, that's okay." Namjoon says, shaking his head with a smile. He knows from Jungkook that you're very nice and good-natured, but experiencing it is something else. No wonder he likes you so much.

"Anyway, let's not just stand here, come, sit down." You say, pointing at the couches and sitting chairs. "Are you guys nervous about Saturday?" You say, sitting down with Jimin on your right and Namjoon on your left while the others find spots for themselves. Namjoon quickly translates what you said.

"Yes, uh... excited, but nervous." Taehyung says and you nod. 

"Yeah, I remember when I first hosted SNL a few years ago, I was so nervous I actually threw up like, half an hour before we started." 

"No, are you serious?" Namjoon says, completely disbelieving, before translating for the others what you just said. Hoseok gasps, covering his mouth with his hand.

"I am! I don't know how familiar you guys are in Korea with SNL, but here everyone knows the show. I grew up watching Tina Fey, Amy Poheler, Maya Rudolph, Kristen Wiig, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon— so many people who then went on to have this successful careers and who everyone here knows— and there I was, throwing up half an hour before the show started. It was intense. I actually thought I wasn't gonna make it, I'd ruin the episode and I'd be blacklisted from all of Hollywood." The way you're telling the story definitely makes it sound way funnier than they're sure it was for you at the moment, and they can't help but laugh when Namjoon translates for them.

"But you did a good job." Jungkook says suddenly, and you turn your attention to him. You give him a slightly surprised smile.

"You've seen the episode?" You ask, and it's only then that Jungkook realizes what he just did.

Mentioning a movie you've done would've been okay, because it's much more easy to find and most of them have been shown in Korea anyway, but admitting he watched your SNL episode is admitting he actively went and looked for it, which is almost as bad as saying something he heard you say in an interview.

Before he can't even think of an answer, Namjoon speaks.

"Ah—" He says, shaking his head. "Jungkook here... he's a big fan of you." Jungkook smiles but immediately blushes, looking down at his hands.

"No way, really?" You say, and Jungkook looks up to see if it bothered you that Namjoon said that, but instead he just finds everyone nodding and you grinning at him. "Then what are you doing sitting so far away from me?!" You say suddenly, shocking everyone, including himself. Namjoon immediately stands up.

"Yes, Jungkook-ah, come sit here."  He says, pointing at the now empty seat next to you.

Even though Jungkook feels like he might pass out from embarrassment, he does as told and walks up to sit next to you— while his heart beats so fast he worries it might pop out of his chest at any point.

"Come on." You say, patting the empty spot on the couch.

"He's shy." Namjoon says with a smile, sitting where Jungkook was a moment ago.

"Jimin is also a fan." Jungkook says once he sits down, to divert some of the attention away from him. It works, because you immediately turn to your right. 

"Are you serious?" You ask, grinning from ear to ear. Jimin blushes instantly under your gaze, but he smiles and nods anyway. 

"Yes."

"You guysssss!" You say, falling back into the couch and grabbing your chest dramatically. "That's so sweet!" They all laugh, even Jungkook and Jimin who are currently feeling an intense mixture of shyness and embarrassment. "I want to say I'm your fan too, but I feel like that would be disrespectful to your actual fans. They're really passionate." You sit back up. "I can say that I've watched a lot of your videos, though."

"Not the oldest ones, right?" Namjoon says immediately, worrying you've watched videos from their debut days. You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

"I haven't watched anything you should be embarrassed about so, probably not?" You laugh. "That was an intense reaction." Namjoon blushes and translates your exchange to the others, who immediately groan in embarrassment.

"Hyung, why did you have to mention that?" Jimin says, covering his face with his hands.

"Sorry, they're just a bit embarrassing." You give him an almost guilty smile. "You will look for them now, won't you?"

"I feel like I have to." You say, laughing.

"That's okay, it's my own fault." He says, shaking his head. "What's your favorite video, from the ones you watched?"

"Blood, Sweat and Tears." You say, almost instantly. "It's very... artistic. I love it." You say, smiling. "And I love your song Idol— the version with Nicki Minaj is so good. To be honest, all your videos are good. You guys are so talented." You wait for Namjoon to translate, and they all thank you once he's done.

"What's your favorite movie of mine that you've watched?" You suddenly ask, looking at Jimin and then at Jungkook. Namjoon translates, even though he's pretty sure they understood what you asked.

"Ah, the... Netflix movie is my favorite." Jungkook says, looking at you for a moment before lowering his gaze again. He knows the name, but it's a bit long and he was worried he'd mess up the pronunciation.

"Mine, too." Jimin says, nodding in agreement.

"Aww, the one I did with Timotheé?" 

"Yeah, we all watched that one together, actually." Namjoon says, and you go quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking about something.

"Huh." You say, shrugging your shoulders. "Anyway, that is one of my favorites as well, I'm glad you guys liked it, too." You say, bumping shoulders with Jimin and Jungkook.

Before they can say anything else, the same woman who brought them here walks into the room.

"Guys, we're ready to shoot the promos." She says, and you all stand up.

"Duty calls." You say, walking back to the chair and grabbing your jacket before putting it on. "Come on, let's shoot some promos." You say, smiling at them before walking out of the room.

Before following you, they are share looks with each other but more specifically, they look at Jungkook, who looks like he can't believe what just happened truly happened. Namjoon opens his mouth to ask him how he feels, but Jungkook beats him to it.

"That was... amazing."

Thank you so much for reading, everyone! The next chapter is the final chapter of the first part of this story.

#sub!bts #sub!idol #bts x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader #min yoongi x reader #jung hoseok x reader #park jimin x reader #kim taehyung x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #my work

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/17/2020: SPOOKIES

What do we watch, when we watch movies? This question was sparked by my SOV experience with the very different, and differently interesting BLOODY MUSCLE BODYBUILDER FROM HELL and HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY 5. Within the Shot On Video category, one can find inventive homemade features that are driven entirely by blood, sweat, and the creators' feeling of personal satisfaction. The results are sometimes fascinating, in their total alienation from the conventions and techniques of mainstream filmmaking, and after all, one rarely sees anything whose primary motivation is passion, here in the late stages of capitalism. But, all this talk about what goes on behind the camera points to a discrepancy in how we consume different kinds of production. The typical mode of consumption is internal to the movie: What happens in it? Do you relate to the characters? Are you able to suspend your disbelief, to experience the story on a vicarious level? One hardly needs to come up with examples of films that invite this style of viewing. Alternatively, we can experience the movie as a record of a time and place in which real people defied conventions and sometimes broke laws in order to produce a work of art. SOV production is usually viewed through this lens, where the primary interest is not the illusory content, but the filmmakers' sheer determination to create. We find some overlap in movies like EVIL DEAD, which simultaneously presents a terrifying narrative, and evidence of what a truly driven team can create without the aid of a studio, or any real money to speak of. See also, Larry Cohen's New York City-based horror films, in which a compelling drama with great acting can exist side by side with phony but beautiful effects, and exciting stories of stolen footage that would be dangerous or impossible to attempt today. I'm thinking about these different modes of consumption now because I just watched SPOOKIES, a legitimately cursed-seeming film whose harrowing production history has superseded whatever people think about what it shows on the screen. The lovingly composed blu-ray from Vinegar Syndrome includes a feature-length documentary that attempts to explain the making of the film--which is accompanied by its own feature length commentary track by documentarists Michael Gingold and Glen Baisley. The very existence of this artifact suggests a lot about the nature of this movie, in and of itself. The truth behind its existence is as funny as it is tragic.

I'm not going to do a whole breakdown of the tortured origins of SPOOKIES, which is much better told by the aforementioned documentary. To summarize: Once upon a time in the mid 1980s, filmmakers Brendan Faulkner, Thomas Doran and Frank Farel conspired to make a fun, flamboyant rubber monsterpiece called TWISTED SOULS. It was wild, ridiculous, and transparently fake-looking, but it was loved by its hard-working creators; as a viewer, that soulful sense of joy can rescue many a "bad" movie from its various foibles. Then, inevitably, sleazoid producer Michael Lee stepped in--a man who thought you could cut random frames out of the middle of scenes to improve a movie's pace--and ruined it with extreme prejudice. Carefully crafted special effects sequences were cut, relatively functional scenes were re-edited into oblivion, and the seeds of hatred were sown between the filmmakers and the producer. Ultimately, everyone who once cared for TWISTED SOULS was forced to abandon ship, and first time director Eugenie Joseph stepped in to help mutilate the picture beyond all recognition. Thus SPOOKIES was born, a mangled, unloved mutation that would curse many of its original parents to unemployability. For the audience, it is intriguingly insane, often insulting, and hard to tear your eyes off of--but in spite of whatever actually wound up on the screen, it's impossible to forget its horrifying origin story as it unspools.

As far as what's on the screen goes: A group of "friends", including a middle-aged businessman and his wife, a vinyl-clad punk rock bully and his moll, two new wave-y in-betweeners, and...a guy with a hand puppet are somehow all leaving the same party, and all ready to break into a vacant funeral home for their afterparty. Well, this happens after a 13 year old runaway inexplicably wanders in to a "birthday party" in there, that looks like it was thrown for him by Pennywise, and he has the nerve to act surprised when he is attacked by a severed head and a piratey-looking cat-man who straight up purrs and meows throughout the picture. Anyway, separately of that, which is unrelated to anything, the island of misfit friends finds a nearly unrecognizable "ouija board" in the old dark house. Actually this thing is kind of fun-looking, having been made by one of the fun-havers on the production before the day that fun died, and I wonder if anyone has considered trying to make a real board game out of it...but I digress. Naturally, the board unleashes evil forces, including a zombie uprising in the cemetery outside, a plague of Ghoulie-like ankle-biters, an evil asian spider-lady (accompanied by kyoto flutes), muck-men that fart prodigiously until they melt in a puddle of wine (?), and uh...I know I'm forgetting stuff. One of the reasons I'm forgetting is because of this whole side story about a tuxedo-wearing vampire in the basement (or somewhere?) who has entrapped a beautiful young bride by cursing her with immortality. That part is a little confusing, not only because it doesn't intersect with the rest of the movie, but because sometimes it seems contemporary--as the bride struggles to survive the zombie plague--and sometimes it seems like a flashback, as our heroes find what looks like the mummified corpse of the dracula guy, complete with his signet ring. So, I don't know what to tell you really. Those are just some of the things that happen in the movie.

Some people like this a lot, and have supported its ascendance to cult status, which is a huge relief when you know what everyone went through to make this movie, only to have it ripped away from them and used against them. I found SPOOKIES a little hard to take, for all the reasons that the cast and crew express in the documentary. It holds a certain amount of visual fascination, whatever you think of it; something of its original creativity remains evident in the movie's colorful, exaggerated look, and its steady parade of unconvincing but inventive creature effects. But then, you have to deal with the farting muck-men. What was once a scene of terror starring REGULAR muck-men, that sounded incredibly laborious to pull off, became a scene of confusing "comedy" when producer Michael Lee insisted that the creatures be accompanied by a barrage of scatalogical noises. Apparently this was Lee's dream come true, as a guy who insisted everyone pull his finger all the time, and who once tried to call the movie "BOWEL ERUPTOR". But, of all the deformations SPOOKIES endured, the fart sounds dealt a mortal injury to the filmmakers' feelings, and even without knowing that, it's hard to enjoy yourself while that's happening.

Actually, all the farts forced me to ask myself: Is this...a comedy? Like for real, as its main thing? As the movie slogged on, I had to decide that it wasn't, but I was distracted by the notion for around 40 minutes. I was only released from this nagging suspicion when the bride makes her long marathon run through throngs of slavering zombies who swarm her, grope her, and tear off her clothes, before she narrowly escapes to an even worse fate. The lengthy scene is strangely gripping, and sleazy for a movie that sometimes feels like low rent children's entertainment. Part of the sequence’s success lies in its simplicity; it is unburdened by the convoluted complications of the rest of the movie, whose esoteric parts never fall together, so it seems to take on a sustained, intensifying focus. The action itself is unnerving, as the delicate and frankly gorgeous Maria Pechuka is molested and stripped nearly-bare by her undead bachelors, running from one drooling mob to another as the horde nearly engulfs her time and again. Actually, it feels a lot like a certain genre of SOV production in which, for the right price, any old creepy nerd can pay a small crew-for-hire to tape a version of his private fantasy, whether it's women being consumed by slime, or women being consumed by quicksand, or...generally, women being consumed by something. I wish I could describe this form of production in more specific or official terms, because I genuinely think it's wonderful that people do this. Anyway, Pechuka's interminable zombie run feels a little like that, and a little like a grim italian gutmuncher, and a little like an actual nightmare. Perhaps it only stands out against its dubious surroundings, but I kind of love it--and I'm happy to love it, because apparently the late Ms. Pechuka truly loved making SPOOKIES, and wanted other people to love it, too.

Which brings me to the uncomfortable place where I land with this movie. On the one hand...I think it's bad. It's so incoherent, and so insists on its impoverished form of comedy, that it's hard to be as charmed by it as I am by plenty of FX-heavy, no-budget oddities. Perhaps the lingering odor of misery drowns out the sweet joy that the crew once felt in the early days of creation--which is still evident, somehow, in its zany special effects, created by the likes of Gabe Bartalos and other folks whose work you definitely already know and love. But I feel ambivalent, about all of this. On the one hand, I can be a snob, and shit on people for failing to make a movie that meets conventional standards of success. On the other hand, I can be a DIFFERENT kind of snob--a more voyeuristic or even sadistic one--and celebrate the painful failures that produced a movie that is most interesting for its tormented history and its amusing ineptitude. I'm not really sure where I would prefer to settle with SPOOKIES, and movies like it. (As if anything is really "like" SPOOKIES) With all that said, I was left with one soothing thought by castmember Anthony Valbiro in the documentary. At some point, he tells us how ROSEMARY'S BABY is his personal cinematic comfort food; he can put it on at night, after an exhausting day, and drift to sleep, enveloped in its warm, glowing aura. He then says that he hopes there are people out there for whom his movie serves that same purpose, that some of us can have our "milk and cookies moment" with SPOOKIES. Honestly, I choke up just thinking about that.

#blogtober #2020 #spookies #horror #supernatural #vampire #zombie #creature feature #old dark house #cursed film #thomas doran #frank farel #eugenie joseph #michael lee #vipco #twisted souls #brendan faulkner #maria pechuka

[seblos]

no grave can hold my body down

words: 1,664

series:  dreaming like we'll live forever (but live it like it's now or never)

read on ao3

Carlos dreads lab days in physics.

It was every Friday, tacking the 45 minutes that would be his study hall onto his class.

And the assignments were always partner work. You would think after two years of having him in his class, Mr. Mazzara would begin to understand that Carlos doesn’t exactly have friends.

Well, he does have friends now. He has the people in the show. But most of them are in the grade above him. The ones that are in his grade, like Gina and Ashlyn, are in the honors class. (Why they chose to take honors physics of all classes is beyond him.)

Nevertheless, it leaves Carlos alone and, by default, partnerless for all of their lab assignments.

It was Halloween this particular Friday, and Carlos wanted nothing more than to just go home, change out of his Halloween sweater, (it was black with two skeletons dancing together) and into his costume, (he was dressing up as the little March of the Falsettos character from Falsettos, respectively,) for the cast Halloween party that Ashlyn was throwing.

Unfortunately, before he could do that, though, he had to face the living nightmare that was his physics lab.

He takes a seat in the front of the classroom, gathering his notebook and pen and just hoping that someone will feel bad enough for him that they invite him to their group.

Carlos is met with no such luck, though. When Mr. Mazzara calls for people to partner up, he’s once again left to do the lab on his own.

That is until another figure appears next to him.

Literally appears. The seat next to him that was once empty is now being occupied by a certain blonde-headed spirit.

Seb Matthew-Smith had been following Carlos around for a year now, ever since he choreographed their fall production of High School Musical his sophomore year. From what Carlos has gathered, it was in high school when they were filming the original movie. It was some accident in the theatre that… you know … and caused him to be cursed to the auditorium.

He also didn’t appear until Carlos showed up, leaving them technically the same age. (Where he was before he showed up, Carlos is still trying to figure that one out.)

“Need a hand?” the ghost asks, leaning forwards.

Carlos is still surprised to see him here. So far, he hasn’t been able to leave the auditorium. Most of their conversations have taken place before or after rehearsals, or any other time he’s been able to sneak out of class.

And yet, there he sits in Carlos’s physics class.

He’s about to ask how Seb even got here, before remembering he’s still technically in class. Talking to himself probably wouldn’t go over great with his peers.

Instead, he turns to his teacher. “Mr. Mazzara, can I go work in the hall?”

Thankfully, the lab they’re working on is about speed-conversions and requires them to walk and hop around, (when are the people who make these things going to start making them with actual useful skills? If Carlos wanted to speed-walk, he wouldn’t be trying to skip gym every day,) so Mr. Mazzara gives him the go-ahead.

He gathers his phone, lab sheet, and pencil case, before subtly motioning for Seb to follow him out of the classroom.

“How did you get over here?” he asks the boy, not even batting an eye when the door passes straight through him. “The science wing is like, all the way on the other side of the school from the theater.”

Seb shrugs. “You seemed distressed, so I just… left.”

That’s another thing that’s been happening. The more Carlos talks to Seb, especially about something he feels strong emotions about, the closer he feels to the ghost. Like, spiritually closer, as if their souls are beginning to connect in a way that he can’t quite put words to. (That is, if Seb still has a soul. Are ghosts just souls, or is it the souls leaving their body that makes them die?)

Either way, Seb has been able to sense a lot of Carlos’s emotions recently. He always knew exactly how Carlos feels about rehearsal, making him the perfect outlet for frustration if needed.

Although, recently, Carlos hasn’t been talking about rehearsal as much to Seb. Nowadays, he’s been more interested in Seb’s life— or, more accurately, what his life was back when he still had one of those.

He hasn’t been able to gather much so far, but he treasures what he has. Seb lived on a farm with seven siblings. They had cows and sheep. He went to East High and was set to graduate in 2011 before he died. He was in a few of the school productions, either in the show itself or as the piano accompanist. (Carlos made a mental note to look at some of the old yearbooks in the library.)

And Seb is gay. Not that it really mattered.

Carlos doesn’t know much else besides that. He has bits and pieces that don’t make sense together, but every time he brings them up, like how he died or more about his family, Seb gets really quiet and changes the subject.

On really bad days, Seb will just poof out completely and then come back 15 minutes later when he feels Carlos distressing.

It’s an odd little relationship, what the two of them have, but it works. And Carlos would do anything to help Seb feel alive again.

Even if that means crashing his physics lab.

“Looks like you need a little help with your lab,” he smiles, gesturing towards the papers in his hand.

Carlos rolls his eyes. “I could do it by myself, you know,” he defends.

Seb just raises his eyebrows, still smiling. (The kid almost never stops smiling. Even while dead, he looks livelier than Carlos.)

He sighs, continuing. “But… if you want to time me while I do the speed things, it would be helpful,” he admits. He holds out his phone towards the ghost, but just as Seb is about to take it, Carlos pulls back. “But keep it on the ground so it doesn’t look like it’s floating in midair. And don’t laugh at me!”

“I would never laugh at you,” Seb says, laughing.

He hesitates before handing his phone over again, this time allowing for the boy to take it. Luckily, it doesn’t pass right through his hands and drop on the floor like he was having trouble with the first time Carlos met him. All Carlos can hope is that nobody is watching him through the window on the classroom door.

“What do you have to do?” Seb asks, settling on the floor and leaning against the wall in the hallway. (Carlos has no idea how he can choose to go through some things and not go through others.)

He reads out the directions. “Hop 5 meters on one foot. Then do the same for 10m and 15m. Record your speed for each distance.”

Which won’t be mortifying at all to do alone, obviously, judging by Seb’s grin.

As Carlos measures out the distance with the yardstick Mr. Mazzara gave him, the ghost kept talking. “So what were you upset about, anyway?”

He sounds genuinely interested in helping, so Carlos explains his situation. “I don’t have any friends in this class, and we always have partner labs that I just end up doing alone.”

“Well, you’re not alone now,” Seb says. “We’re friends.”

“Yeah, not that anyone else knows,” Carlos laughs more to himself than to the spirit’s comment.

“Doesn’t matter who knows. Just matters that you have me,” Seb points out.

Carlos doesn’t respond. “Start the timer,” he says instead.

While he’s hopping down to the 5 meter mark, though, he can’t help and think about what Seb said. It was true, it didn’t really matter who knew about him. Although… it could be interesting if he did tell someone about the ghost from the theater. Perhaps Ashlyn would believe him.

The thought of his friend reminds him of their party later, then of what day it was, and a question sparks in his mind. He stops hopping. “Why are you here today, anyway?”

“Your speed was 3.14 seconds. And what do you mean? I told you already I came because you were upset.”

“Well, yeah, but today is Halloween. Shouldn’t you be out haunting people, or whatever ghosts do today.”

Seb’s face falls, and Carlos immediately regrets bringing anything up.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet, but I don’t exactly have any ghost friends. I wouldn’t have anywhere to go even if I could leave the theater now on my own.”

“Oh, so that’s why you follow me around all the time,” Carlos teases, trying to lighten the mood so Seb doesn’t poof out.

“Well, that and because I like you,” he responds with the same tone, and Carlos is taken aback a little bit. (Never in his life did he think a ghost would be flirting with him on Halloween.) (At least, he thinks it’s flirting.)

They finish the rest of the lab in silence. He wishes there was a way to bring Seb around to places. His friends would love him if they could meet him. But there has to be a reason he’s the only one who can…

“Wanna come to our Halloween party?” he asks when they finish up, more as a joke but hoping that maybe Seb would consider. (He at least would have an escape if anything happened that left him isolated tonight.) “You would make a great sheet ghost.”

“I don’t think I can voluntarily go places.”

“Well, then, maybe I’ll have a panic attack just to summon you.”

“No,” Seb hands Carlos his phone, leading him to the door. “Enjoy tonight. I’ll be here to hear about it tomorrow.”

And with that, he poofs out, leaving Carlos to enter his classroom alone again.

#seblos #seb matthew smith #carlos rodriguez #hsmtmts #high school musical the muiscal the series #my writing #dreaming like we'll live forever (but live it like its now or never)

[pretoriuspictures]

https://www.talkhouse.com/on-the-virtues-of-cinematic-failure/

///

Most journalists who have spoken to me about my new erotic drama PVT Chat (starring Peter Vack and Julia Fox and streaming now on most VOD platforms) assume it’s my first feature film. Actually, it’s my third. My first two features never played a single film festival and haven’t been seen by more than a few hundred people (mostly friends and/or curious followers of my rock band, Bodega). They were financial failures (even though they were made extremely cheaply), but you couldn’t call them critical failures because nobody has ever reviewed them. I spent the last decade working on these films and yet their cultural footprint is practically nonexistent.

Despite that, I still believe in them and hope one day I’ll make a movie (or record) that inspires people to seek them out. My early cinematic attempts certainly failed at behaving like normal movies, but to me it is precisely this failure that makes them interesting.

Godard said of Pierrot le Fou (1965), “It’s not really a film. It’s an attempt at a film.” This is a purposefully cryptic statement, but I think I understand what he meant. There is a sketch-like quality to his films from that period. He was less interested in following a particular plot through to its conclusion than suggesting narrative ideas and moving on. He enjoyed employing classical narrative tropes but didn’t want to waste screen time on the proper pacing required to sell those tropes to an audience. Instead he filled his screen time with spontaneous personal, poetic, and political ruminations that occurred to him literally on the day of filming. Many found – and still find – this approach infuriating, but for a select number of Godard disciples, like me, this type of filmmaking is still revolutionary. I remember seeing Weekend during my sophomore year of college at the University of South Carolina and having my mind completely ripped open. Suddenly the world wasn’t a small, mediocre, predictable place – it was full of music and color and philosophy and eroticism. There were people out there genuinely disgusted with the status quo and boldly proclaiming it with style.

Godard’s work is a fulfillment of the dream of the caméra-stylo – a term coined in 1948 by Alexandre Astruc that argued it was theoretically possible for someone to compose a film with as much direct personal expression as exists in prose. In order to achieve this level of expression, one often needs to move beyond the realm of mere plot and narrative naturalism, the principle that what you are seeing on screen is real. (On most movie sets, the filmmakers and actors work overtime to sell this illusion.) Films that focus solely on plot, character psychology, and one literary theme have to direct the majority of their screen time toward plotting mechanics and emotional manipulation of the audience. What you gain in dramatic catharsis you often lose in intellectual honesty. There’s always a tradeoff. I am invested in a cinema of the future that veers toward self-expression, but doesn’t need to avoid dramatic catharsis as Godard’s films did. Certainly many filmmakers my age are working to achieve such a synthesis of intellectual directness and narrative pleasure. Experimentation is required and many “bad” films need to be made to pave the way for future successes.

I graduated college in 2010 high on this dream of the caméra-stylo and philosophy (my field of study) and in 2011 started filming my first feature, Annunciation, with experimental filmmaker Simon Liu. Annunciation is an “adaptation” of the Mérode Altarpiece, an early Northern Renaissance oil painting triptych by Robert Campin. The film features three short separate narratives, one for each panel of the famous 15th-century painting. I wanted the performances in Annunciation to be controlled and somewhat surreal, as if the whole film existed in a heightened but slowed-down hypnotic state; I was thinking about Bresson, Ozu, Antonioni and, of course, Godard (particularly his work from the ’80s). There is some plot, but the main goal of the movie was to reveal the miracle of existence in the everyday. And because the Mérode Altarpiece depicts the scene in Christianity where the Virgin Mary was impregnated by light alone, the film had to be shot on 16mm film.

Now picture this: a 22-year-old walks into a conference room in Midtown Manhattan and gives this pitch to a producer who was then investing in thriller movies: “Every time light strikes a piece of celluloid, a miracle similar to the Annunciation scene occurs: an image appears in the likeness of man that redeems our fallen world and reveals it to be the beautiful place that we take for granted in our normal day-to-day.” This wasn’t met with the enthusiasm I was hoping for. “Don’t you see,” I said, “this is a film about the ecstatic of the quotidian! This is a film that audiences will flock to! It could do for Williamsburg and Bushwick what Breathless did for Paris!” Looking back, I am both shocked and charmed by my youthful naiveté, courage and idiocy.

I was laughed out of the room, but the producer was kind enough to wish me good luck and welcomed any future pitches, should I come up with something any “normal” person would want to watch. I never thought of films in the tradition of the caméra-stylo as being elite works only for the gallery or the Academy. I, like Godard before me, have always assumed that audiences are intelligent and long for thoughtful, challenging movies. That belief I carry to this day and thankfully it sometimes seems to be true. How else could you explain the recent success of heady films by Josephine Decker or Miranda July?

Thanks to small donations from family members (and credit cards), I was able to shoot Annunciation without any official backing. I cast the film with a mixture of non-actor friends and some undiscovered Backstage.com talent and dove head first into the production. Right as our principal photography began, Occupy Wall Street gained momentum, so Simon and I spent time at Zuccotti Park filming our actors experiencing the movement. The hopeful promise of OWS seemed to reflect the yearning desire of our film’s protagonists as well as our own idealist cinema experiment.

When the film was finished and edited, I naively assumed that we were well on our way towards global cinematic notoriety. Surely, I thought, this important film that manages to blend fiction with actual footage of OWS would premiere at Cannes or Berlin and the Criterion Collection would issue the DVD shortly after. In actuality, it was rejected from every single film festival we submitted to.

Undeterred, I conceded that maybe there were a few minor structural flaws in the edit. It was probably a little too long and perhaps the three separate narratives would work better if they were crosscut more. A year later, this new edit was again rejected from almost 100 festivals. Stubbornly, I thought that perhaps what could really bring the movie together was a comic voiceover by my then cinematic muse Nick Alden (who is a lead in both Annunciation and my second film, The Lion’s Den). Audiences seemed to ignore the comic tone underlying Annunciation. If only I could unearth it, they wouldn’t be put off by the pretensions to greatness the movie wore on its sleeve. There is nothing so offensive to American audiences as pretentiousness.

I didn’t send the overcooked voiceover version to festivals. I knew it was forced and worked against the core concept of the film. But it was then that I started for the first time to have doubts about Annunciation. Maybe my film wasn’t as emotional or clever as I imagined. Maybe it was bad? “No,” I decided. The film, whatever its flaws may be, has value. Herculean delusions of grandeur come in handy when you are trying to become an artist.

I opted to edit the film back to its original state, but without some of the weaker, obviously didactic moments, then hosted a few local screenings in NYC (most of them at DIY venues where my rock band would play) and put the film up for free on Vimeo. Around this time, it occurred to me that editing Annunciation had been my film school. Failure is a wonderful learning tool. Editing the same raw material in a myriad of different ways taught me about pacing and tone. Still to this day, when I find myself in a certain state of mind, I open up the Final Cut sessions and do a new edit of the footage just for fun, like some sort of DIY George Lucas tinkering with the past. Last year during quarantine, I did a new edit of Annunciation and uploaded it to Vimeo without telling a single person. It has become my own little cinematic sandbox to play in.

When people did chance upon one of my myriad edits, they often commented that they enjoyed its style but found the acting too unnatural. My response to this was to make my next film, The Lion’s Den, a cheaper HDV feature that doubled as a political farce and an essay about naturalism in cinema. The film is about a group of ding-dong radicals who kidnap a Wall Street banker and plan to donate his ransom money to UNICEF so salt pills can be provided for dehydrated children. The UNICEF plot was drawn from Living High and Letting Die, a 1996 work of moral philosophy by Peter K. Unger. It was both a serious attempt at political philosophy and a total slapstick farce; I was imagining the comedy of errors in Renoir’s The Rules of the Game mixed with the Marxist agitprop of Godard’s La Chinoise.

The acting style in The Lion’s Den was purposefully cartoonish; at no point in the film could an audience member believe that what they were seeing was real. I like to think that The Lion’s Den was an attempt at theatre for the camera, part Shakespeare and part Brecht. This was my own personal response to our epoch’s hyperrealism fetish. At the time, I believed that the current obsession with neo-neorealism, mumblecore and reality TV was worth combating. Art with a realistic aesthetic, I thought then, was inherently conservative and accepting of the political status quo (whether the artists were aware of this or not). Art with an imaginative anti-realistic aesthetic, so I thought, was utopian. It opened new vistas and ways of thinking and being. It dared to believe in a more beautiful world than the one we are living in.

The making of The Lion’s Den was extremely difficult. It was by far the hardest thing I have physically done in my life. At the time, I was malnourished and broke, not unlike the character of Jack in PVT Chat; my diet for that month we made the film consisted mostly of coffee, rice and beans, ramen, light beer, and the occasional waffle or fruit smoothie from the vegan frozen yogurt stall I worked at. Unlike Jack, my addiction wasn’t cam girls or internet gambling, but independent filmmaking. I begged, borrowed and scrimped $10,000 to make a film I knew I wouldn’t be able to sell. Despite having some key collaborators near the beginning of the shoot, most of the film was made with just me, the actors and a loyal boom operator, all living together in a house in Staten Island. This meant that I had to assemble all of the cumbersome lights for every setup, handle the art for every scene (which involved a lot of painting), block the scene and direct the actors, throw the camera on my shoulder and film, and then at the end of the day transfer the footage while logging the Screen Actors Guild reports and creating the call sheets for the next day’s scenes. Exhausted both mentally and physically, I often couldn’t stand up at the end of the day’s filming.

Once we’d wrapped and everyone had gone home, I stood in the middle of our set and played Beethoven on my headphones. Within seconds, I began bawling my eyes out, partly from exhaustion but also from the melancholy that all my friends had left and I was now alone for the first time in a month. I collapsed and slept for hours. When I woke up, it was my 26th birthday. I celebrated by watching Citizen Kane alone and then started the process of painting the walls back to a neutral white. The actor Kevin Moccia (who has been in all three of my films and actually works as a house painter) heroically came back to set and helped me. I told him that despite all of the agony of the past weeks (my bank account was now in the red, with overdraft fees piling up), I was happier than I had ever been. Working passionately on something that has great value to you is, without a doubt, the key to happiness.

Shortly after returning to the real world and my job at the vegan yogurt shop, I passed out while on the clock and was taken to a hospital by my very supportive girlfriend. Turns out, all I needed was an IV and some nutrients to get back on my feet, but unfortunately the trouble with The Lion’s Den had just begun. At some point, I formatted the production audio memory card and, in one instant, accidentally deleted everything on it. For the next two years, my friend Brian Goodheart and I worked with all of the actors to dub all of the dialogue and sound effects in the movie. Each actor had to completely re-do their verbal performance. It felt like remaking the entire movie. The result made the film especially un-naturalistic (which pleased me at the time) and it turned out far better than I think Brian and I expected.

By then, I had some hopes that The Lion’s Den could reach a small audience. It is aggressively philosophical but also features a love triangle, a car chase and a final shootout. Its comic style, I was hoping, would attract people who were put off by the purposeful flatness of Annunciation. Nevertheless, the movie was also rejected from every conceivable festival. I now realized that submitting an aggressively experimental narrative film without a single famous person in it to festivals is basically like flushing your money down the toilet. Yet I continued submitting, like an addict at a casino putting all of their savings on the roulette table. You never know, right?

In hindsight, I now see The Lion’s Den as a very angry film that perhaps uses comedy to soften the blow of some of its hotheaded fervor, and suspect some of its critique of capitalism and naturalism came from hurt and jealousy. “You think my work isn’t natural enough, eh? I’ll show you motherfuckers naturalism!”

Sometime in 2017, to my surprise I became smitten with certain neo-neorealist filmmakers (Joe Swanberg, in particular) and decided I wanted in on the mumblecore party, albeit from my own outsider perspective. I began to see how I could work symbolically with naturalistic performances, which led me to my latest film. PVT Chat is by no means a work of strict realism, but nevertheless focuses on believable dramatic performances. The film’s cast blends some actors from my past work (Kevin Moccia, Nikki Belfiglio, David White) with some heroes of the modern neo-neorealist indie cinema (Peter Vack, Julia Fox, Buddy Duress, Keith Poulson).

I want to end with a bit of advice to other filmmakers: Don’t put your self-worth into the hands of festival reviewers or distributors. The future of the moving image will belong to the films that are willing to risk cinematic failure. If you make an earnest film that doesn’t behave like a normal movie, I want to see it, even if it is full of technical or narrative mistakes (which it most likely will be). There’s no right way to make a movie. Follow the dream of the caméra-stylo and make a film that if nobody else made, wouldn’t exist.

[swan--writes]

For Dewey song fics can you write six degrees of separation by Coldplay please x

This got a little intense, sorry.

Warnings: no happy endings here, dead dove: do not eat

Words: ~2915, unedited again

You shouldn’t be thinking about it. Yet, here you were, staring at your dark ceiling and thinking about it.

There were so many more productive things you could be doing with your energy. There was a book on your nightstand that you had been meaning to read, there was a show you had been meaning to watch. You could doodle, you could journal, you could call a friend. It had been at least an hour since you first lied down, you knew you weren’t going to get to sleep any time soon.

A glance at the clock dismissed the idea of calling anyone, but you still pulled yourself up and slipped out of bed. Your estimate had been right, you had been lying in bed for an hour and four minutes. It was late, your roommates would kill you if you made too much noise. But it was late enough that the threshold for too much noise was higher than usual.

You padded to the kitchen on bare feet and washed your favorite mug. As soon as you felt the warm water on your hands, your breath went shallow.

You’ve read the books, you’ve watched the shows.

Immediately, you shut off the water and leaned heavily with your hands on the sink.

What’s the best way?

You squeezed your burning eyes closed for exactly five seconds.

No-one knows.

The feeling of water had become almost unbearable, but at seemingly random times. Showers were a crapshoot now – sometimes you enjoyed them as much as you had before. Sometimes you stood under the water, waiting for your skin to fall apart like paper. Like a sticker on a water bottle. Like a friendship on the fast track to Out of Time.

Meditate, yeah, hypnotized…

In the year and four months of your friendship, the most that had happened between you and Dewey was a drunk kiss that both of you half-forgot.

Anything to take it from your mind.

What you remembered was the moment you had fallen apart. It was your fault.

But it won’t…

It was your fault, and you didn’t regret it.

Go.

Your hands curled tightly around the lip of the sink.

You’re doing all these things out of desperation.

With your lips pressed into a tight line, you pushed a sigh through your nose.

You’re going through six degrees of separation.

Through rapidly blinking eyes, you saw your mug sitting beside the sink. It was wet, with a few soap bubbles clinging here and there. Good enough.

Seven minutes later, you were curled up under a fluffy blanket, on your couch, with a scalding hot cup of tea. You turned the TV on and promptly retreated into your own head. The place where your quartz pendant rested against your chest was the only cold spot on your body, and the weight of it felt like it was crushing your sternum. It was meant to keep you grounded, though, so you supposed it was doing its job.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart…

The rerun on the screen before you couldn’t distract you from it. Nothing ever could.

What’s gonna kill you is the second part.

The last time you saw Dewey Finn, you were getting lunch with him. You had rehearsed the conversation you knew you would have with him a million times.

“So I’m standing at the front of the room, looking at these kids–”

“For once.”

“–and I notice something smoking behind the backup singers.”

“Oh no.” Oh no. The pit of your stomach sank, even as you watched his bright eyes, his animated hand gestures. Dewey loved his job, the kids he taught. And you loved him.

You loved his stories, his voice, his hands and the way they danced across every instrument he played. You loved the way his hair flopped into his face, and the way the sunlight liquified his irises in his early-morning snapchats. He snapchatted you every morning so he wouldn’t go back to sleep. You loved that too – loved that he would think of you for that. That he was so comfortable with you, so open. Dewey was your favorite person, and you adored him.

“I have no idea who it was, but one of them set the drumkit on fire.”

“What?” Here, you laughed. You had to.

“The skins were on fire, I swear.” You could barely make out his words through his laughter, and over your own. You were bent forward over the table, and he leaned toward you, shaking his head. “I’m not lying.”

“Jesus…”

He straightened in his seat and slowly let his laughter fade, wiping away the few tears that had managed to escape him. “So I’m sorry I had to cancel on you last week, Rose was not happy with us.”

And, there it was. There she was.

Dewey would never get back together with her, not with the way they had left things. Even in the face of your uncertainty, your confusion when it came to him, you felt confident about that. In the grand scheme of things, however, it made almost no difference when it came to you. For all his ‘doneness’ with Rosalie, he was still using her as a shield. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a conversation with Dewey where his ex hadn’t come up.

Whether he might have had feelings for you, in this or any timeline, the fact remained that there was a principal-sized divide between your feelings and your friend, and you couldn’t see a way through it. For the longest time, you could at least see around it – you and Dewey could still be friends after you talked about it. But the more you thought about what you would actually need to say to him, the more you were forced to face the truth. The thing you knew yourself well enough to understand on the deepest level you possessed.

Without a chance – without a maybe – your friendship with Dewey had no future. You liked each other as people, you trusted each other as friends, the foundation was solid. But yours was the kind of relationship that either progressed or petered out. You couldn’t wait around for him to either process what had happened with Rosalie or realize how much you cared about him anymore. This had to stop.

“Yeah, um…about that,” you began. From there, you let it out. You spoke slowly, deliberately, trying to convince yourself – and him – that this wouldn’t be forever. That you needed to take a step back, but that it was temporary. The light in Dewey’s eyes said that he believed you, and he understood. He thanked you for talking to him about it, apologized for the distance that had begun to creep in between you, and walked you down the street in the rain before you had to part ways. You thought about asking him for a hug. You immediately thought better of it.

And the third is when your world splits down the middle.

Tonight, sitting in front of the practically muted TV with a cup of tea and a crystal crushing your sternum, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe you should have told Dewey the truth. By now, it had been two and-a-half months, and here you were, still thinking about it. Was it guilt? Was it love? You had loved him, hadn’t you? Or maybe you only thought you did, because it was so easy to believe what you were feeling was love.

On the other hand, maybe it was desperation. Maybe it was just your desire to be loved, to be wanted by someone who wasn’t a completely awful or creepy or useless person. Maybe it was relief at finding someone who actually seemed to care about being your friend, and maybe once the shock and awe of having someone in your life who genuinely wanted to be there had worn off, you got bored with the new status quo. Maybe you deserved for the crystal at your sternum to shove its cold way through your skin, through your bones, to ricochet through your whole being and tear you apart the way your heart was growing ever more convince you already were, and make real what you felt you might deserve.

Maybe you had kicked the only person you wanted to lean on when it came to all of this right off the map of your life because you were just so convinced that your relationship had been destined for more than it could ever be. Maybe you just fucked up, and now it was too late to take it back.

No.

Groaning quietly, you took a long sip of your tea, letting it warm the spot where the quartz sat. You pulled your blanket around yourself more tightly and shook the last of the darkness off, literally shaking your head. Dewey wasn’t the first person you had had these feelings about, even if you had felt the strongest about him. Stewing like this wasn’t going to help you move on, and you always moved on. There was no sense in it. You knew you had to let it go.

And fourth, you’re gonna think that you’ve fixed yourself.

It was only natural, then, that you would see him the next day.

You had gotten to the record shop first, you were confident about that much. When you first walked in, the store had been Dewey Finn-free. And yet…

“Fuck,” you breathed. He wasn’t looking at you, and you were fairly confident he hadn’t seen you at all. Dewey was a terrible actor, he was ignoring your presence too convincingly. He was standing in the next aisle, but the shelves were so low that you could see him clearly from the waist up.

You could also see the person he was with, and they were touching his arm the way you used to. The way you wished more than anything that you still could.

Fifth, you see them out with someone else.

Dewey’s…companion had their back to you, you couldn’t tell who they were, or if you even knew them. Short brown hair, black coat, delicate hand. Could have been a friend. Could have not. Either way, it didn’t matter. You had to get out of there.

All you could hear on your way to the door was the sound of your own breath. Mentally, you were kicking yourself mercilessly. You should have been able to hold your ground by now. It was over, you knew that. But the dread in your stomach and the cold at the back of your neck were pushing and pulling and shoving and tugging and screaming at you to get out of there. Your heart wouldn’t rest and it drove your breath into hyperdrive. You had to shove your hands into your coat pockets so you wouldn’t see them shaking. Your steps were jerky, throwing your usual walk into disarray and your hips into confusion. You stayed on course toward the door. And God, you had almost made it.

“Y/N?” A gentle hand caught your arm. When you jumped in surprise, your feet actually left the ground. There was no time for you to try keeping your arm loose, and you jerked it away from him. “Whoa, sorry.” Dewey held up his hands and your eyes pinged between them before settling on his face. His scruff was shorter than you remembered, but the bags under his eyes were deeper, his skin a touch grayer. “What are you–?”

“You look terrible,” you deadpanned, not letting him finish his question. Dewey tried to chuckle, but a look of frustration pinched his face and turned the sound into a huff.

“So do you. Where have you been?”

You shook your head. “Nowhere, I…” He raised his eyebrows expectantly. “…I’ve just been busy.”

“Right.”

And the sixth is when you admit you may have fucked up a little.

“Really, Y/N, what’s going on? You said you’d text me, what–?” Dewey cut himself off then, realization touching his eyes. “You lied,” he murmured. You shook your head, fully aware that you looked like a butterfly who’s strayed too close to a Venus fly trap to argue its case. Dewey was prepared to catch you out, whether you were the fly he was looking for or not. Maybe you were. “You lied, you said we weren’t done.”

“I didn’t realize we would be.”

“Bullshit.” The cashier glanced at you both sharply, and you shot him a quick apologetic look before returning your eyes to Dewey.

“Can we go outside?” Though you asked, your hand was already on the door. Ten seconds later, you were standing just to the right of the door and Dewey was staring at you just as hard as he had been inside. “When I first decided to talk to you, I thought we would be fine eventually.” You paused, waiting for him to say something. He didn’t. “But yeah, once we started actually talking, I kinda knew that was it.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was using you or–”

“Why? You were.”

This would have been so much easier if Dewey were yelling at you. If he had been visibly angry in any way. But for the first time since you met him, his expression was closed for business. His forehead and his lip corners and the bridge his nose were all troublingly smooth. He was giving you nothing. You were afraid you were giving him much of the same. As much as you had prepared for that last talk you had with him, this felt infinitely more rehearsed. Canned. Yet you meant every word.

“No. I had feelings for you that I didn’t know what to do with, and I let them get the best of me for a while. That was unfair. But I never meant to use you or hurt you or…or anything. I just…” Now you had to look away, unable to face his unchanging expression. You shook your head again. “I fell in love with you,” you said to the brick exterior of the building beside you. “I fell in love with you, and I couldn’t stay friends with you when a part of me would be feeling that for fuck knows how long.”

Silence.

Finally, you had to risk a glance back at Dewey. Once your eyes landed on his face, you couldn’t look away again. His mouth was hanging open, just a little, just enough that you were convinced his shock was genuine. His disbelief.

“I…” It was his turn to shake his head. “I didn’t know, Y/N, I just figured–”

“Yeah, well, now you do.” Wearily, you rubbed the back of your neck, trying to shrug everything off. You couldn’t, you knew you couldn’t, but you had to try.

“You should have said so.”

“What would that have changed.”

“What–everything. It would have changed everything.”

You grimaced. “That’s not true.”

“Wha–?”

“You didn’t feel the same, Dewey, you never have. What difference would baring my soul have made when you couldn’t give me what I wanted anyway?” Dewey stared at you. He blinked once, twice. You were right, but he couldn’t say it. You gave him a short nod, feeling the tension that had filled the air between you just moments earlier suddenly disappear, shoved away by a gust of winter wind, knocking its obtrusive way down the street, around the corner, and out of sight.

This wasn’t closure, exactly. If Dewey said or did the wrong thing, you would take him back in a heartbeat. His friendship, his love – such as it could ever be – you would take it.

Oh no there ain’t no help, it’s every man for himself.

You couldn’t give him the chance.

You’re going through six degrees of separation.

“I have to go.”

“Wait.” He reached out for you, lamely pawing at the air and letting his hand drop when you stepped back.

Oh no there ain’t no help, it’s every man for himself.

“You should get back inside, it’s cold out.”

“Please don’t, I miss you.” Your brow flickered with doubt at his words. It was doubt in your own decision, you knew, but you didn’t let it take residence in your face.

You’re going through six degrees of separation.

“I miss you too,” you all but whispered. For a split second, Dewey seemed relieved. But then you took another step back, and the relief left him. “Bye.”

Oh no there ain’t no help, it’s every man for himself.

You didn’t look at him again. Hands back in your pockets, you ducked your head against the wind and scurried away, setting him down the same road you had been on for the last two and-a-half months.

Oh no there ain’t no help, it’s every man for himself.

Dewey stood alone, confused, feeling his heart slowly compressing inside his chest. He stared forward at the middle near-distance, at the spot where you had stood, at cold winter air. The air was pressing against his sternum, crushing it. His breath sped up, his heart ricocheted through his chest, pushing him in all different directions. He shouldn’t just be standing here. Yet here he was, staring at nothing and thinking about it way too hard. How could his heart be breaking like this, now, after all the time that had passed? How had he fucked up like this?

How could you just be out of his life like this?

.

.

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#inspired by true events #embellished with a little vindictive wish fulfillment #maybe i'll share that story someday #school of rock broadway #school of rock bway #school of rock musical #school of rock #school of rock fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #dewey finn #dewey finn x reader #dewey finn x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #dewey finn x self insert #angst #sadness #no happy ending #dead dove do not eat #pain #broken friendship #unrequited love #songfic #song fic #six degrees of separation #the script #script band #request #february