#i’m still so whipped for this fictional man !!!

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 18

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 33K

warnings: cursing, drinking, mature content, heavyyyy angst, mutual pining, sexual tension, jealousy, unrequited love, mature language, dirty jokes, arguments, whipped hyunjin, a big confrontation, lots of heartbreaks, mentions of diet, mentions of threats, toxic idol culture, a scene of unwarranted sexual advances! (not from hyunjin)

a/n: whew, this is another big chapter and picks up from hyunjin's pov after he moved back to the city, hope that's not confusing! there's a lot of toxicity surrounding idol culture, and features mature language and content throughout. please read the warnings to make sure you're comfortable with everything. this fic has taken a life of it's own, and im really enjoying focusing on yn's character arc, along with the obvious lovestory. this isn't a feel-good chapter, it features a lot of angst and uncomfortable situations, but i promise things will get better after this! anyway, this was very fun to write and picks up on one of my favorite arcs of this story. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

Five Months Ago.

The electric blue guitar in Hyunjin’s hands felt familiar. He adjusted the strap around his body, he was getting used to the weight of it again. It had been a while since he’d touched it, fingers skimming over the strings. If he focused on this, he could ignore the blaring lights in his face. 

“Still not used to the spotlight, Jinnie?” Jisung asked, elbowing him in the stomach. Hyunjin doubled over, avoiding another attack from the man, “Ouch. The lights are brighter than I remember”

“Well, how else will they get our pretty faces on camera?” Jisung grinned, stepping in front of him, and thankfully blocking the heat of the lights. 

“I’m…really hot” Hyunjin declared, drops of sweat dripping down his forehead, “I hope they can fix the cooling in here”

Jisung sighed, lifting his guitar to help him tune it, taking the weight momentarily off his hands. As he did that, someone stepped up to Hyunjin, a little electric fan and makeup palette in hand, “Can you please hold this? Your makeup’s running”

“Sorry” He apologised, even though it was no one’s fault. The stage equipment and lights made the set far too hot, the air conditioning was broken and they’d only just begun. Hyunjin couldn’t fathom what the full day of filming would look like. He held the little fan to his face, the cool instantly relaxing his muscles with relief, shoulders sagging from tension. Jisung stood between them still, trying to tune his guitar and the makeup lady awkwardly stepped closer, patting down the foundation on Hyunjin’s cheeks, “Did you tan when you were away?”

“Um, I suppose. I was out in the sun a lot” He responded, but realised quickly that she didn’t really want a response. She was berating him because his usual foundation no longer matched him. Her lips pulled into a thin line, “You should be careful”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows shot up. Careful about…what exactly? When he was in Daejon, swimming in the Creek, or lounging away in the sun, his first concern wasn’t exactly putting on any heavy sunscreen. He was away from the world of…such.

“He just doesn’t know his face would cost the company millions of won" Jisung joked. It was irresponsible, sure, but he had more important things distracting him at the time. At the memory of the bright Daejon sun, Hyunjin smiled, closing his eyes briefly to revel in the memory. If he thought hard enough, the blaring spotlights could almost replicate the southern summer sun. It was hard to get lost in his imagination though. The lady was prodding and poking at his face, turning him this and that side so she could fix him. This wasn’t the time.

“There. Try playing it now” Jisung said proudly, standing up straight and letting go of Hyunjin’s guitar. So he played a tempo to test it, and the music seemed perfectly fine now. In the end, it was futile anyway. The company didn’t allow them to play live in the music video. Apparently they had no faith that the boys wouldn’t mess up the instruments after such a long hiatus, and there was no time or money for retakes and reshoots. So, they would only pretend to play, and lip-sync the words and hopefully someone in the editing department would make it seem real. Still, Hyunjin was going to try his hardest to genuinely play. He hated pretending.

“Close your eyes,” The lady mumbled, an annoyed tone that frankly felt unwarranted. He followed the instructions, and felt the tip of a brush poking at his eyes as she reapplied some of the darker eyeshadow. The concept for this album was pop-rock, leaning heavily into the rock, and so their makeup was inspired from the 1980s world of rock.

“Did I do something wrong?” Hyunjin asked, as she used a little too much force on him, making his eyes water under the sharp brush.

“Hmm?” She was none the wiser, and he suddenly wondered if he should backtrack, but he wouldn’t be able to continue the filming knowing one of their makeup artists was possibly mad at him. “You…seem upset” He said. 

A sigh followed, “I’m not upset, I just think you should take better care of yourself. Jisung was right, you know? Your face does cost us thousand of won. I understand you’ve just come back from vacation but if you don’t do your job, it’s very difficult for me to do mine”

“Right” He nodded, sudden guilt overwhelming him, “Can I open my eyes now?”

With the confirmation, he did and looked at her, “I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful in the future” 

She smiled, pulling at his cheek, “It’s good to have you back, kid”

Within seconds, the set jumped back to life. Chan ran onto the stage, getting into his position, and Changbin followed. They were both visibly upset, due to the company not allowing them to sing live, but years in this industry had made them numb to some of that anger. Hyunjin took his place on the stage, as the cameras adjusted and thirty-something people gathered before them, ready to film. He wished he could sneak one look in the mirror before filming, for the reassurance that he didn’t look like a total clown, but he trusted the kind makeup lady. 

“All right, boys” Chan looked at them, microphone stand in his hands, “From the top, yeah?”

The backing track began on cue, and Hyunjin’s heart pounded like it hadn’t in ages. Maybe he wasn’t prepared to do a full-fledged music video shoot so soon after the hiatus. Did he even remember his chords right? The audience may not be looking at his hands, but he sure as hell would be. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking in a breath, hoping he didn’t mess up for the sake of their team. Millions of people would watch this. Thousands would instantly know they weren’t actually singing, and he had grown tired of the accusations. Most of those people would be rooting for his failure, and he could imagine the myriad of hate comments about how Hyunjin should never have returned to the band. Maybe it was a mistake being back in the spotlight so soon. Chan’s hand landed on his shoulder, startling him. He leaned in to whisper, loud enough for only Hyunjin to hear, “Forget everyone else, Jinnie. She’s going to love this”

A surprised smile tugged on Hyunjin’s lips just as the spotlight hit him, and the camera began rolling.

»»————-

Later that night, Jisung crawled into his bed. He pulled the blue comforter off Hyunjin’s aching legs, settling cross-legged across him. The filming had taken a toll on him, and he’d really let himself go when he was away. It usually took a lot more to get him this tired, and he was still adjusting to this new schedule. Jisung leaned against the wall, releasing a sigh of contentment. This had become second nature to them, a routine to sit, talk, and catch up on the past few months of summer. They’d stayed in touch through text, but it wasn’t the same. Some nights, they’d go for a walk, find an open barbecue place, and eat into the early hours of dawn. Other nights, they’d stay in the dorm and order some cheesecake, and Jisung would tell him everything he missed. Every anecdote, each funny moment, painstaking details of how many different ways he’d embarrassed himself. Hyunjin had missed a lot, so he’d sit and listen to the tales of the city that he’d pined for all this while. It was good to return to the life he’d left behind. Everything was different here, and sometimes it felt like summer had existed in a void away from the world. Jisung would also ask him about his hometown, but Hyunjin never knew where to start, so he preferred to listen to Jisung instead. He had a lot more to say anyway. 

Tonight was different. Jisung asked him about you.

And that wasn’t the routine.

“I don’t really know what you want me to tell you” Hyunjin laughed, and they were both tucked into blankets, like kids bonding at their first sleepover. 

“You’ve talked about this girl all freaking summer, and now you have nothing to say?”

“Well, yeah, you already know everything” Hyunjin mumbled, flush rising up. They never had this dynamic before, this…sharing of crushes, or whatever it could be called. Jisung was usually the one in relationships out of the two of them, and Hyunjin would never bug him about it. Not until Jisung told him himself. So, Hyunjin didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I know the shortened version you sent over text, but…how’d she react when you said you’re coming back?”

Hyunjin swallowed, memories flashing through his mind of his last night in his hometown, “She was really upset”

“Upset, like…didn’t talk to you kind of upset, or…had sex with you before you left— upset?”

The words sent a flush up Hyunjin’s neck, and he knew this was exactly what Jisung wanted. This was his intention. To embarrass him. To celebrate this new dynamic, when Hyunjin was the one with a stupid crush and not the other way around.

“We didn’t have sex” He clarified. Jisung’s eyes widened, “Really? Not even on the last night?”

Hyunjin leaned his head against the wall, playing with the threads of the blanket. The last night was complicated, for all the right and the wrong reasons, so he settled for the most matter-of-fact answer, “I didn’t have any condoms”

“Shut up, I know that’s not true. I sent you like a huge box your first week in Daejon. Don’t tell me you never used them…”

Hyunjin laughed at the memory, “Thank you for that Jisung, but…I’d already packed it away. I didn’t really expect anything to happen anyway. I thought she’d be too upset at me for leaving”

“So…that’s the only reason?”

Hyunjin swallowed, knowing that if perhaps they’d had an hour longer together that night, things would probably have led straight to that, condoms or no condoms, “Well…we were out of time”

“You spent months with this girl. How were you out of time?”

Hyunjin sighed, “There was no right moment. I didn’t want it to be rushed—”

“No rush? As if you wouldn’t bust a nut as soon as you’re—” Jisung was interrupted with a smack in the face by a pillow, voice turning high, “Ouch! What’d you do that for?”

“I’m not talking about this anymore” Hyunjin laughed, the red reaching the tips of his ears.

“That’s pretty unfair, you know. I used to tell you every detail of my relationship with Mae, down to the nitty-gritty details”

Hyunjin looked up at him. It had been a while since he’d talked about Mae so freely, and he swallowed, “How are you holding up?”

Jisung’s smile fell, humorous demeanour disappearing in seconds, “She’s happy now”

The statement meant so much more than he let on. Happy now. As in, she wasn’t happy before, when she was dating Jisung. Thinking back on it now, their breakup had been explosive, and it seemed like Jisung was still picking up the pieces. Was this what the rest of Hyunjin’s life would look like? Surrounded by miserable relationships destroyed by their careers. He can’t recall the last time he witnessed a love story with a happy ending. He sighed, “That sucks man”

Jisung shrugged, “It is what it is”

Hyunjin stretched out his legs under the blanket, letting out a soft groan, “Man, my limbs haven’t hurt like this in ages”

Jisung rolled his eyes, “You’re getting soft, big boy. We’re hitting the studio tomorrow at six. Album release is only a month away now”

His phone buzzed and he reached for it immediately. “Is that her?” Jisung asked, smiling.

“Yup” Hyunjin typed in a quick text to you, “She’s…telling me about her day”

“Is that all you guys do?” Jisung asked, a smirk on his face, scrolling up on their chats, without permission. He let out a dramatic gasp, “What are you writing her all these long-ass paragraphs for? It feels like I’m reading a book. Big red flag. At least break it up into multiple texts”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “I mean, there’s a lot she’s interested to know about my life here. I like telling her what we’re up to. If you see it from an outside perspective, it’s pretty cool. She really loves it”

Jisung laughed, eyebrows wiggling like a kid, “Uh-huh. Sure. That’s what she loves”

Hyunjin sighed, rolling his eyes, “Stop. We’re just…really close friends now”

“Does she know that?”

He didn’t like this conversation anymore and what it implied. He informed him for the umpteenth time, “I told her from the start that I don’t do relationships. She knows.”

Jisung was still scrolling through their chat, probably hoping to find something steamy but stopped at the media that Hyunjin had shared, letting out a gasp, “Wait a minute. Have you been sending her our studio recordings?” 

“Yes” Hyunjin frowned, “She likes those”

“You know, Eunwoo would have a heart attack if he knew you were leaking unreleased music”

Hyunjin sighed. Jisung was always so dramatic. “I’m not leaking anything. It’s only to her. She’s not going to show anyone”

“And how do you know that?”

“I trust her” Hyunjin’s reply was automatic, “More than anything”

Jisung smiled, eyes crinkling, tilting his head, “Even more than me?”

He chuckled, grabbing his phone back, “Shut up”

»»————-

He had been waking up earlier than usual, and he’d find himself at the kitchen table first thing in the morning, watching the sun rise through their apartment window. It was always fun to greet the boys as soon as they woke. He’d missed them for so long and he was trying to cherish every moment with them. Jisung would joke about how obsessed he was with them, often hovering like a parent around the house in the morning, waiting for their kids to wake up. It was strange because Hyunjin wasn’t an early riser, but his thirst to spend time with them overpowered his desire to lay in bed. He sat at the kitchen island scribbling ideas in a little journal Changbin bought him. It had admittedly become his diary, filled with crazy ideas, midnight thoughts, and sketches for paintings. 

The dance practices had got easier in the past weeks, and his limbs felt lighter. It almost took no time for him to get back to normal, sucked into the whirlpool of obligations that his life offered. There were so many interviews, press junkets, editorials, and he was back in the studio every night. He’d missed that grandly — getting to work on the music and, for the first time, writing his songs into the album. All of that made everything else worth it — like when they couldn’t leave their dorm because it was surrounded by paparazzi. They’d crowded around the building, hoping to get a glimpse at or any comments out of Jisung. Unfortunately, Jisung was still in the middle of a huge legal battle with the media that had leaked every detail of his personal life and relationship. Hyunjin didn’t understand how Jisung managed to still be so sane, after something like that rocked his world.

But slowly, he carved time in his life to start painting again, between schedules of course. An art shop in Hongdae was perfect for his needs. It was small and convenient, and he could be away from the public eye when he was in it. He found time for you. In changing rooms, backstage, in five-minute breathers between practice, he’d text you when he could. 

“You’re up early” Chan smiled, and Hyunjin looked up at him. He was already dressed, and he moved towards the light switch, turning them on, “You’re drawing in the dark?”

“It’s peaceful” Hyunjin hummed, “On set…it’s always too bright”

“Ah. Right. What are you sketching this time?” Chan moved over to him, glimpsing into his diary. 

“Just…a rough map of home. I’m writing down all the places, I wanna remember it. I don’t know when I’ll go back”

Chan smiled thoughtfully, “Is that your plan for the day?”

“No, actually, I was just about to head out to buy some flowers. I really want to draw some white hydrangeas, they won’t be in bloom for longer, and I’m hoping I can capture their whole life cycle”

Chan laughed, “Wow. It’s only six am and you’re already talking romance”

Hyunjin flushed, “It’s just for my drawings. I want to get better at observation. Speaking of, can I come watch you in the gym later? I…think I’ll draw you next”

Chan moved around the island, prepping a morning smoothie, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re flirting with me, Jinnie”

“Of course not” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, continuing to add details to his little map, right now he was adding the 7/11 between your house and Aera’s. 

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to be possible Jinnie. And…you’re probably gonna have to get the flowers tomorrow” Chan suddenly said, filling up the blender with ingredients.

Hyunjin frowned, “What do you mean?” But of course, Chan turned the blender on right then, so Hyunijn had to wait until he was done to find out. The loud whizzing sound filled the kitchen, and if the other boys weren’t up yet, they certainly would be now.

“Sorry about that” Chan apologised sheepishly, pouring the smoothie into four cups, and then eyed Hyunjin’s pajamas, “You should change into a coat, something warm. It’s chilly out”

Hyunjin tilt his head, suspicious, “Why?”

Chan slid him the smoothie, which Hyunjin hadn’t even asked for, and then grinned, “I’m kidnapping you”

“What?” He laughed, reaching for the cup anyway. He might as well start drinking healthy.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet, Jinnie. She’s a prodigy, she owns like a gazillion art galleries across the country, and she wants to meet you”

“Since when are you interested in art?” Hyunjin hummed, trying not to gag at the taste of the drink. It was all protein powder and whey. Chan smiled at the sight, leaning forward on the counter, “Since my best friend started drawing masterpieces, of course. Go get changed. I’ll drive us there, and if we have time before going to set, we just might be able to buy your flowers”

»»————-

The paintings in the art gallery were beautiful, and Chan was a good sport, taking just enough interest in the art that Hyunjin felt important in explaining all the techniques. They’d wandered around for a while now, eyeing every exhibition. Enough time had passed as they stood observing the room of sculptures, and Chan nudged him. He was diverting his attention to a woman with a tablet in hand as she walked around the space. The apparent prodigy. She seemed busy, pushing buttons on the tablet as she inventoried the place, a flurry of rich visitors following her around. Hyunjin had seen her before, and he asked, “Does she work in our building by any chance?”

“She certainly does. Hey, Karina!” He suddenly called out, “This is Hyunjin”

Hyunjin went wide-eyed and awkward, certainly unprepared to meet someone so important out of the blue, but Karina seemed sweet enough. Her gaze caught his, widening when she noticed them. She whispered something to her über important guests, and then walked over to them, all prim and poise. She certainly looked the part of an art gallery owner, although Hyunjin had never seen one so young before. She shot him a smile, “Ah. I’ve heard so much about you, Hyunjin”

“Oh no” Hyunjin had a funny feeling in his stomach, “What did Chan say?”

She laughed, “Nothing too bad. He showed me some of your work”

“He what?” Hyunjin cringed, “I’m sorry about that”

She laughed again, “Don’t apologise. Your work’s pretty good. Even before Chan, you were kind of hard to miss actually. Your face is plastered all across the company building”

Hyunjin cringed yet again, clasping his hands together, “I’m…sorry about that. That’s embarrassing”

She laughed, “Not at all. So…do you like the collection?”

Hyunjin looked around, nodding, “Oh. Of course! It’s beautiful. I love the exhibit, and I can’t believe you have some Monet up too. That must have been hard to get”

She tilt her head, an admiring smile on her face, “It certainly was. The job’s not easy, but I enjoy it a lot. We try to stick to contemporary work, switching up exhibits every month or so. You’re lucky you caught us during Monet. We’re having those shipped back to Paris soon”

Hyunjin nodded, hands slipping into his pockets, “Paris. Wow…”

“Actually I don’t have too much time, so I’m going to cut to the chase” She smiled, “The reason I asked Chan if I could meet you was…if you’d ever be interested, I wouldn’t be opposed to hosting an exhibition for your work”

His eyes widened, a surprised chuckle escaping him, “What? I’m literally just starting out. Experimenting…I don’t even have a specific art style yet or much original work…”

Karina shook her head as if all of that was an afterthought, “We already know it’ll be a hit. You’re very loved, especially in Seoul”

He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why would an actual, real-life gallery ever want to exhibit his work? He barely had work to begin with! All he’d done was post a few artworks on his Instagram, and mentioned that he liked drawing in an interview, “But I’m not a professional, by any means, I just…do it because I enjoy it”

She smiled, “Precisely. It’d be nice to give new artists a voice. Sooner or later, some art gallery is going to snatch you up. I’d prefer if we were the first. There’s a lot of interest in you by the public. It’d be a loss to not display your work. If there’s anything I learnt from Kim Jieong it was—”

“Wait, you know Kim Jieong?” Hyunjin forgot his manners, interrupting her, especially in such an excitement, but he couldn’t help himself.

Karina laughed, eyes narrowing, “Are you a fan?”

“No, but my girlfr-“ Hyunjin stopped in his sentence, clearing his throat, and he could feel Chan’s gaze burn curiously into him, “Um…one of my friends is. He’s her favourite artist in the world”

“Well…I wouldn’t give him so much credit” Karina spoke, clutching the tablet tightly, “But yes, I used to intern with him earlier”

He was too straightforward, but he didn’t care, “Do you think you could help me get in touch with him? I’m sorry, I realise that’s a big favour and—”

Her expression changed, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. My relationship with Jieong…is complicated. But, if you’d really like maybe I could help you set up a meeting or something”

“Really?” His eyes lit up, and the conversation had completely sidetracked but it didn’t matter, “That would mean everything to me. Thank you”

“Of course. I can’t promise anything. This may be TMI, but he and I aren’t on the best terms. He is a wonderful artist though. I’ll give him that”

“Thank you, Karina” He smiled, genuinely. A security guard came up, tapping her on the shoulder. She nodded at him, and then looked back at Hyunjin, “I'm sorry I have to get going, there's been an incident involving a spill in the impressionist gallery …but the offer’s always up for the exhibition, by the way. Eunwoo could give you my contact details. I think you’d made a great addition to my portfolio, Hyunjin”

He smiled, but all he could focus on was that she knew Kim Jieong. Hope festered in his heart that maybe now he could finally get you the chance you deserved.

»»————-

The Hydrangeas bloomed beautifully on Hyunjin’s desk. He’d been drawing them all afternoon, and he looked forward to seeing their state change as he came home each night from work. It felt silly, but summer flowers reminded him of you. The vase needed fresh water, and he stopped sketching to go up to the kitchen and fill it up. The boys were gathered around the dining table, just about to head out to the studio, and Chan was preparing cocktails. Hyunijn switched on the water tap, absentmindedly watching the vase fill up, listening to their conversations. 

Karina still hadn’t got back to him, but he was holding onto hope. It had only been a week since their conversation after all. His days since then had been busy so he couldn't worry too much about it, occupied by schedules, he’d also managed to squeeze in time for himself now. It seemed like going back to his hometown had been genuinely helpful. It had fulfilled its purpose. He’d come back to work, feeling a new kick in energy and joie de vivre. There was hardly any sadness like before, and that's all Hyunjin could have asked for from his little vacation anyway.

Since his return, there had been some changes to the company too. He’d discovered a new library, hidden in their building, somewhere on the fourth floor, and he’d been frequenting it during his breaks. Every morning, he picked a new book to read and would fixate on it for the next week and a half. Barely any employees ever came to the library, other than HR sometimes, and it was a nice escape. He could imagine that you’d really love the library, full of nooks and crannies begging to be found and thousands of books aching to be read.

He discovered he had an affinity for poetry, and some poems never left his mind. There was one in particular by Kim Yong-Taek that occupied all the space in his head. 

눈 내리기 전에 / Before the snow falls,  한번 보고 싶습니다 / I would love to see you.

They felt real, as if they’d been written only for him, and shivers often ran up his skin as he stood reading them quietly, a deep ache in his heart at the familiarity of the words. It was crazy that something written hundreds of years ago could capture exactly what Hyunjin was feeling right now. He hoped he could make music that felt the same to others. The longing in his bones only got worse each day, and he was making a plan to fix it. Summer had been beautiful, even contending for his favourite season, but it was ending, and he would do anything to make autumn just as beautiful.

»»————-

Sleep clouded his vision, the song's melody blending with his drowsiness. It had been a week of rerecordings and they’d barely got any rest. Hyunjin tugged the headphones off, glancing at Chan through the observation window, “Was that a good take?”

Chan gave him a thumbs up through the window. His energy had been deflated too, but Hyunjin was hoping for a better response, “Are you sure? I can do another take. I think…it doesn’t sound as emotional as Jisung’s verse”

Hyunjin could only just about see Chan’s eyes, squinted over the mask he wore. The decision to cover his face was obvious; there was a little camera propped up in the studio, a way to film behind-the-scenes content for when the album finally released. Chan obviously didn’t want to be captured in this sleep-deprived state. Still, Hyunjin would have loved to see his expression, the microscopic changes in his face would tell him if he really loved the recording or not.

Chan nodded, weary eyes, “If you think you can do a better take, go for it, Hyunjin”

So he did, inhaling a breathful of air so he wouldn’t falter during his lines. He’d sounded too emotionless and mechanical and they were recording a love song. He had to pour his feelings into it, so he closed his eyes. The lyrics were embedded into his brain anyway. 

Chan began the backing track, and Hyunjin let his thoughts drift... They wandered into a familiar memory, one he usually saved for bedtime and when he was alone. His mind kept coming back to it. It was so fresh, but each day it was fading away, slipping out of his grasp and he felt the need to bottle up the memory and store it in a safe forever, where it would always be remembered. The twinkling fairy lights of the Château, the blue paint puddle on the floor, the paint you spilled on his shirt, the heated and frenzied first, second…and third kisses. The moment had been so short-lived. He had been so vulnerable that night. You’d seen him that night, truly seen him, and he still felt surprised at how much he’d divulged in you so easily. It was the realest he’d ever felt, like the rest of his life before and after was just a charade for his friends, for the cameras, for himself.

Maybe it was only with you that he was the real Hyunjin. The teasing and laughs over the chocolate strawberries and paint easels had been second nature and strangely familiar, like it wasn’t your first time doing this together, as if you had both been falling into patterns and habits of centuries ago. The most innocent actions felt crude, and cruel. Crude to kiss your cheek but not take it further. Cruel to give in to a desire he could never fulfil. Maybe every other moment in his life had been fabricated except for that night, that would explain why he was the happiest then. 

“Shit…what was that?” A voice interrupted him. Hyunjin snapped open his eyes to see Chan staring at him in disbelief. The backing track had gone onto the next verse now. He cleared his throat, “Um. Sorry I….spaced out. Let me record that again”

“Are you kidding me? That’s the best take you’ve ever given us” Chan laughed, in disbelief, stepping into the recording booth, “You sold that to me completely, Fuck. You almost made me tear up. You should do more ballads, Jinnie. That was amazing”

Hyunjin blinked at him, holding onto his headphones tightly, so unaware of himself, “I…I didn’t realise it was that good”

“Come on. Listen to it” Chan grabbed his arm, leading him out, and replaying what had just been recorded. Hyunjin almost didn’t recognise himself singing. He’d never sang like this before. Goosebumps rippled up his arms and neck, and he looked at Chan, “You’re right. That one turned out…really good”

“Damn. You can convince the audience that you’ve lived a thousand lives, been through a hundred heartbreaks. You convinced me. That was so real”

Hyunjin’s lips tugged into a smile, and he pushed his hands in his sweatshirt pockets, “It felt real to me too”

Chan wrapped up the recording, and then happily turned the company camera off, “Do you know what this means, Jinnie?”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, grateful they weren’t being recorded anymore. 

Chan stepped closer to him, a growing smile on his face, “We fucking finished this album, baby”

»»————-

Hyunjin was changing the water in the vase. He’d been desperately trying to keep the Hydrangeas alive, but that had been a failing task. So he’d found some time to buy some Cosmos, hoping he could draw them instead. It was almost autumn now, and the flower in bloom had changed, so he kept trying to adjust to it. It was harder than he thought. Chan's voice distracted him, “Are you coming to dinner with us? We’re thinking of trying that new Italian place”. Hyunjin looked up at him, “Shit. Is it okay if I bail? I was going to call Y/N later tonight. She wanted to paint together”

His eyebrows shot up, a small smile on his face, “Paint together? Is that a euphemism?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, switching the water tap off, “No. It's obviously not”

“Wouldn’t you love if it was?” Jisung smirked at him, walking into the kitchen. It seemed like all their serious, and unserious conversations often took place in this kitchen, their one common space. Chan laughed, “So how long will your paint date last? Should we bring you any takeout pizza?”

Hyunjin shrugged, glancing at the clock, “No, that’s okay, I’m not hungry. It’ll last a few hours maybe. Next week we’re going to be so busy with the press tour, I was hoping to finish a whole painting tonight. It’s easier if I’m doing it with her. I’m just more motivated then”

“There’s a word for that, you know?” Chan leaned forward on the counter, a teasing smile on his face, “She’s your proper muse”

Hyunjin laughed, not expecting him to say that, but he had been thinking about it. After all, that’s what had made the recordings so much easier. He was singing with you in mind. He denied it, “That’s really cheesy, even for you, Chan…”

“Eh, but it’s true. You should tell her that tonight”

Hyunjin smiled, already imagining your reaction to such a thing. He wouldn’t even know how he’d bring it up. Wouldn’t it be too much? Would you be embarrassed? He could recall all the times he’d catch you off guard with his compliments back in Daejon, your expression as if he’d said the most insane thing ever when Hyunjin was just appreciating you. Fuck. He really needed to see that reaction in person again. 

Every perfect summer memory only added to the weight of his longing in fall, and he decided it was time, “I’m gonna invite her to come to Seoul”

Changbin stood across the hall, having just come out of his room to catch the last bit of conversation. His eyebrows shot up, “You are…?”

Hyunjin swallowed, catching the boys' reactions as he revealed the plan, “I just bought the train tickets for her this morning, and while she's here she can stay in an apartment I rented out for her. It’s a few blocks away from ours, so she’s close enough to me, without it being suspicious”

Jisung frowned, “But if you rented it, your name would go down in the record”

“No, I already thought of that. I asked to use my aunt’s credit card, and she’s not a Hwang, so there won’t be any trace back to me”

Jisung leaned back in his chair, “You really thought of everything, huh? No loopholes?”

“No loopholes” Hyunjin nodded, hoping they’d approve of it because something like this would put them all under scrutiny and risk, “Well, as long as she says yes”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Changbin frowned, crossing his arms, “If I was her, I’d jump at the chance”

“Yeah, I know you would. There’s an apprenticeship she wanted in the city…but she didn’t get it yet. She may not want to come here anymore…in case it reminds her of that”

“Is there any chance she can still get it?”

Hyunjin shrugged, placing his palms on the counter as he thought over it, “I don’t know how it works. I’m trying to figure it out”

Chan sighed, seeing his dilemma, “Hey, if it’s in the stars…she’ll get it. She seems talented enough from what you tell me about her”

“She’s hellbent on believing she can’t get it. I’m going to try to convince her to apply again. It’s kind of frustrating. Without connections, it’s so hard to make anything out of it. I mean, when we were at the gallery, you introduced me to Karina. It was so easy. She saw my work, and immediately agreed to a fucking exhibition. Sometimes it feels kind of unfair. What did I do to deserve that? I know there are hundreds of artists better than me who should be getting exhibitions, but…I’m getting it just because I’m famous. It feels weird and privileged”

Chan sighed, “Hyun…I know what you mean, but…it’s unfortunately how things are. And it’s not like you’re misusing this. The fact that you recognise it in the first place is sometimes all we can do”

Hyunjin let out an exhale, staring off into the distance, when his phone pinged. It was a text from you.

hey! im all set up here. ready when you are :)

Chan grinned, handing him a cocktail he’d just made, “Go on then. We’ll head to dinner and we’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Hyunjin smiled, rushing back to his room. In anticipation of this call, he’d already set up his work area. Ever since he’d been back, he hadn’t gotten too much time talking to you, so he would make the most of it. He set his glass down next to his MacBook, and laid out his canvas. Through the computer screen, he could see a glimpse of your room, which was messier than his. It had more personality, and it was more lived in. He realised he’d never had a chance to come to your place. He had a sudden urge to see how you set up your room and things, your little knick-knacks, the big teddy he won for you, your artwork curated over years. But from hundreds of miles of away, he could only see a little square of your life. You were biting down on a chip when he spoke, “I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan”

Your face changed, lighting up, “Yeah?” 

The connection wasn’t great, so all your responses were delayed, but Hyunjin hummed, proud, “It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”

“When can I hear it?” 

He laughed at your eagerness, “We’re still writing it”

You nodded, going back to painting. He would surprise you soon with the ticket he bought you to Seoul, but he wanted to build up to it. Perhaps he could do a grand gesture, or leave you little hints to keep you wondering. He could only imagine how happy you’d be. He could show you his favourite places in the city, introduce you to the boys and you could finally see his life, in all it’s glory. It only felt fair after you’d let him into yours so warmly. He had fit into your life in town so easily, a puzzle piece falling into place, and he hoped he could make it the same for you. Obviously, there’d be less freedom, more restrictions but at least you wouldn’t be a stranger to his lifestyle anymore. Hyunjin took a moment to sip his drink, staring at his own work. getting the courage to say it, “Can I say something cheesy?”

“Yeah?”

He leaned over the webcam, so he could be infinitesimally closer to you, cheeks reddening, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”

He watched as you sat on your knees, curious, “What do you think about?”

He flushed, regretting how this made him sound so romantic when he wasn't trying to be, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”

He saw your eyes widen, and a deep emotion overwhelmed you. He didn’t see you react more, and he wondered what this meant to you, what he meant to you right now, even so far away. You didn't say anything back. You must be holding it all in, just like him. Maybe you didn’t know how to put your thoughts into words. He couldn't blame you. Even after reading all the poems in the world, Hyunjin didn’t have the words either. Not enough anyway.

»»————-

It was supposed to be an informal gathering to celebrate the album, but it felt more like a full-fledged party. Their manager’s apartment had been completely transformed, no empty floor space as everybody from the company had gathered around for a hurrah. Hyunjin had a few drinks in his system already, enough to get him really going. He stood away from the crowd, tucked into a corner, phone pulled out, typing in a ridiculously cheesy message to you. The party was great, and he was so happy to have finished the album. All that was missing was you. The text started sounding far too cheesy, inspired by the love rot that the poetry books had filled in his brain, and slowly, it became more and more unhinged. The wine Chan brought must have got to his head, but he couldn't stop, all of his thoughts pouring out in a mixture of sentences that didn't really make any sense.

I want you here with me at this party. Fuck, it’s so dull without you. If you were here, we could just sneak off and…I would kiss you. Positively. My manager is here, the scary one, but he doesn’t have to know. Earlier, I was reading a book and there was an English word in it that reminded me of you. Saudade. I looked it up because I was so curious and it said it’s a state of melancholy for a beloved someone or something. I think that explains this ridiculous feeling I have when I think of you. I have it even when I’m not thinking of you. Like last week, when we were recording this one song. It’s like you’re here with me in everything. I guess what I’m saying is, I just want to kiss you really really badly and fuck I’m really drunk so I’m sorry for how this may sound but I just really need to feel you—

The phone was snatched from his hands, Changbin squinting to read the message, “Who are you texting in the middle of our party?”

Hyunjin flushed red. He was really drunk but he still noticed their manager to the side, and hushed, “Keep your voice down, Binnie”

He looked up, eyes wide, “Is this your idea of a sext?”

“What? no— it’s not a sext. I’m not sexting, what the hell”

“You’re like…weirdly poetic when you’re drunk”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, “Just…give me that”

He deleted the message. 

It was a bad idea to be sending you drunk messages anyway. He should just call you instead. Yeah. That sounded like a smarter, much better idea. Before he could dial your number, Changbin pulled him to the living room, and Hyunjin let himself be tugged along. Jisung was standing shirtless there, liquid smeared down his chest and abs. He was laughing, hair all messed up, clearly very tipsy, “Come on! Who’s next?”

Hyunjin did not intend to be a part of whatever this was, but Changbin pushed him ahead, “He’s up” But they were surrounded by company employees. Even the girl from the art gallery, Karina, was here and he flushed from the embarrassment. “I don’t even know what we’re doing” Hyunjin chuckled nervously, as Changbin hoisted him up over the table, handing him a quick shot to get the nerves out. Hyunjin downed it in a single sip, the liquid burning his throat. The state of his sobriety stopped him from protesting too much, until Jisung explained, “Body shots, of course. Pick your contender, Jinnie”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, looking around the bunch of people, none of whom he felt comfortable touching him, but he saw a few of the women shy away, “I…I don’t know”

“I’ll do it” Chan laughed, stepping ahead from the crowd, “If that’s okay with you”

Jisung certainly seemed to have enjoyed it, and he wanted to give it a shot. He could be chill with this, but he would definitely blame the alcohol in him for how easily he went down on the table, and how easily he let Chan unbutton his black shirt. The overhead lights were too bright and Hyunjin closed his eyes, and his head was spinning. The music was pounding in his ears, the marble countertop cold to his back.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this” He laughed to himself, swept up in the environment as Changbin dripped tequila over his stomach. The chill liquid tickled him and he immediately squirmed, sending a shiver down his spine. He felt embarrassed for his reaction. Clearly, he was a novice to this party celebration, but he was also enjoying the attention.

“You ready, Jinnie?” Chan asked, looking up at him with a comforting smile. Chan was definitely drunk too in order to pull a stunt like this in front of the employees. They were absolutely loving it though and he could hear them all cheer them on. They never got to see the members in a more unprofessional environment than this one, and Hyunjin hoped none of them changed their opinion of him after this. He gave a quick thumbs up, facing the ceiling as he felt Chan’s mouth near his stomach. He sucked in a breath in anticipation, cheeks flushing from all this attention. He was used to people’s eyes on him, but this was so different and intimate. Somehow, his self-conscious part disappeared just as Chan licked a stripe of tequila up Hyunjin’s torso. He squirmed, a giggle escaping at the ticklish feeling, and Chan held him down, hand on his thigh, laughing, “Stop moving! You’ll get it on the table!”

Hyunjin stilled with the threat of ruining their manager’s table, eyes still closed as Chan finished licking the rest up until his chest, and his stomach was in knots. He couldn’t help but imagine this situation differently. Would you have partaken in this with him? How would that have looked like? If it was you doing this to him, instead of Chan? The little party activity would definitely have turned into something else by the end of it…and he knows he definitely would not be able to resist, not when your tongue was on his stomach and you were so close to him. The image sent a rush of blood through his body, thoughts that he should definitely not be indulging in when his best friend was doing body shots off him, and Hyunjin immediately sat up, bumping his head right into Chan’s. “Ouch!” Chan exclaimed, clutching his forehead, “Careful, Jin!”

“Um, sorry” He swallowed, jumping off the counter, embarrassment lingering from how he'd stupidly turned himself on in front of everyone he knew, “I felt sick”

“No worries” Chan laughed, oblivious to his friend's thoughts, patting his shoulder as everybody around them continued cheering them on, “You did good”

Hyunjin walked away, feeling sticky now, and he tried to wipe off the remaining with a kitchen towel. If it was you, he would have let you go all the way, until every stripe of tequila was gone from his body. And then some more.

He buttoned his shirt up again, hands shaking from the buzz, blood rushing to the parts that needed his attention. He needed to hear your voice. You didn’t even know he was at this party. It was so inconvenient to be so far away, trying to convey all that he felt through a mere text or phone call. He stood to the side, shaky fingers pulling up your contact until he heard your voice on the other end. “Guess what?” Hyunjin grinned.

“What?” Your voice was soft on the other end, so calm, grounding him in his drunkenness. A stark contrast to the lively atmosphere of his party and he could think straight again. Hyunjin smiled, “We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready. We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”

He felt excited to hear your reaction. He was grinning ear to ear, as you congratulated him. He’d heard that today many times, but hearing it from you was incomparable. You were proud of him. He giggled, stumbling out of the hallway, blood rushing to his head, “Jisung made me drink…far too much. I liked the wine, though; Chan found it in this cool store, but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of —” 

“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him.

Hyunjin nodded, walking around, trying to avoid anybody being able to pick up on his conversation. So many people were in this tiny apartment, and he wished he had more peace and quiet to talk to you. “It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”

“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke.

“Sorry” He apologised, walking off towards the balcony, “Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can”

“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He mumbled, voice dropping, and the rest of this party was fading from his vision, tunnel vision to you and your voice on the other end, “Why aren’t you here?”

Hyunjin thinks the only way he can stop missing you is if you start visiting him in your dreams. He wonders what sorcery he needs to do for that to happen. Could he visit you in your dreams? So you never grow apart, and find each other every single night. “I miss you too….but you should get back to the party—”

Hyunjin failed to notice Changbin creeping up on him, taking the phone away, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?”

“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin sighed, all his poetic declarations disappearing into the void. At this point, he thinks he needs to maintain another diary just to write all the things he wishes to say to you but never does.

“Hey!” Changbin was talking to you, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”

“Stop!” Hyunjin exclaimed, realising their managers stood nearby and the commotion had caught their ears, “Don’t announce it to the entire party.” Changbin laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”

“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin tried to grab it.

“Let me finish!” Changbin laughed. Hyunjin’s head began to ache when he saw Jisung approach their chaos, “Fuck. Is that her?”

“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” He sounded like a broken record, like all his primary functions had ceased and wouldn’t function until he heard your voice again. “Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?” Jisung asked, loudly. It was loud enough that their managers heard it, ears perking up and glancing at Hyunjin. One of their managers, Eunwoo raised an eyebrow, tilting his head. This was the first he’d heard of this, and goosebumps rippled up Hyunjin’s neck at what this could mean.

His voice dropped, stepping back towards his meddling friends, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”

“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted, oblivious to his surroundings. Hyunjin yanked the phone back, and he was pissed, but he wouldn’t blame them. They were only messing about. He let out a breath, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”

Your voice sounded far away, resigned, “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it. You should enjoy the party, Hyun” Panic built up in his throat at the thought of you leaving, “No, no, I called you because I missed you”

“I can’t really even hear you,” You said, crushing his heart and soul to irreparable pieces. Maybe he was being dramatic, but perhaps he needed you to breathe, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”

Hyunjin was ready to protest, bear his heart out to keep you a little while longer. What was the point of celebrating his success if he couldn't share it with you right now? Isn't that why he'd pushed himself so hard this time? So he could impress you with all the songs he'd written with only you in mind. He’d leave the party if he had to, just so you wouldn’t go. Before he could declare his insanity of wanting to talk to you, Eunwoo stepped closer to him. His eyes were narrowed, a tell-tale sign, disapproving head tilt. Hyunjin had lost the opportunity, and he said, “All right. I’ll call you later”

With no qualms about destroying the party's vibe, Eunwoo asked curiously, “Who are you talking to?”

“Nobody” Hyunjin panicked, hanging up. He shoved the phone into his pocket, and it burned into him. Eunwoo sighed, “I heard Jisung mention a girlfriend. Is there something you want to share?”

He shook his head, unease settling into him or maybe he was just about to throw the fuck up, “Can we…not talk about this right now? I mean, we’re at a party”

Eunwoo stared at him, as if dissecting all of Hyunjin's deepest, darkest secrets, gaze burning through him. Then he nodded with a smile, “Of course, Hyunjin. You should celebrate”

Hyunjin’s nerves calmed down and he began walking away. Maybe now he could return to enjoying the rest of the night.  But of course, Eunwoo stopped him, hand over his shoulder “We’ll talk about it first thing in the morning though. I want to see you seven AM, in my office”

Hyunjin suppressed a groan, bile rising up his throat at what this could possibly mean, “Oh. Okay”

Eunwoo patted his shoulder, before walking back to the party, “Don’t be late, Hwang”

»»————-

He definitely didn’t feel human stepping into the office, a mere three hours later. He hadn’t got any sleep. He had just enough time to head home, shower, and wipe the remnants of tequila off his stomach before heading here. The body shots didn’t sound like a great idea now. His shirt was sticky and ruined. His head hurt, and he was surprised that Eunwoo wasn’t hungover. He’d probably gouged on hangover soup last night, and he sat in a crisp suit-and-tie across the table. He looked up at him, cheery smile, “Morning, Hwang”

Hyunjin sat in the uncomfortable office chair, squinting against the lights that hurt his sensitive eyes, “Good morning…”

“Did you have a good time at the party last night?”

Hyunjin nodded, putting on a smile, “Yes. It was nice”

Eunwoo was their nicest manager, he’s the only reason Hyunjin had been able to go back home and he certainly liked him the most. He was miles better than Kim Soohyun, the guy who basically decided Hyunjin’s life. But now…it seemed like Eunwoo had been sent by his higher-ups to sweet-talk Hyunjin, “You certainly seemed to enjoy it, but sadly, I didn’t see too much of you. We would have liked to get a drink with you”

“Ah, I was with the boys most of the night” He answered. Could this meeting not have been an email? His head was pounding and he couldn’t focus on anything.

Eunwoo tilt his head, picking up on his irritation, “Say it. Whatever’s on your mind”

“No disrespect. I…just don’t understand why we need to talk about this right now”

“Why? Because it’s a Sunday and most people don’t have to go to work today, or because you drank too much last night?” He laughed, leaning back in his chair. There was a stress ball in his hands and Eunwoo kept tossing it back and forth. 

Hyunjin bit his lip, “No, I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired”

“Because it may be a day off for everyone in the country, but not for you. I’m sure you’re aware of that. After all, superstars don’t get to where they are by slacking off”

Hyunjin frowned, “I understand. Is there a specific reason you wanted to see me today?”

Eunwoo put down the stress ball in his hands, expression suddenly turning serious, “Look, kid. If I could turn a blind eye to this, I would. Trust me. I hate doing this as much as you hate hearing it, but Kim Soohyun was at the party too. He overheard things. I’m accountable to him, and you’re accountable to me”

Hyunjin sank into his seat, “So…am I in trouble or something?”

Eunwoo clasped his hands, “Depends…did you do something to get you into trouble?”

“No, I didn’t, Eunwoo”

He leaned forward on the desk, hands folded under his chin, “There was quite a lot of talk about a girlfriend last night. You never mentioned that to me”

Hyunjin let out a sigh, “There’s no girlfriend. The boys were dicking around”

Eunwoo gave him a tight-lipped smile, “Then, who were you talking to? On the phone when I saw you? Surely your parents wouldn't be awake that late”

“Just…a friend from back home. They’re not important”

“Look, Hyunjin. I hate to pry. Your personal life is entirely yours but not when it concerns your image or the company, or god forbid, the media. If you are dating somebody, you have to let me know so I can be prepared for when it eventually gets out to the media”

Hyunjin’s head began to hurt exponentially more and maybe he should never have called you last night, “I’m not dating anybody, Eunwoo”

Eunwoo nodded. Clearly, he didn’t believe him. He’d known and managed Hyunjin for years. He'd known him since he was fifteen. He could see right through him and wished he was a better liar. “You’re gonna have to give me more than that”

Hyunjin sighed, sitting up straighter as if that could convince him better, “She’s just an old friend, from back home”

Eunwoo raised an eyebrow, and then leaned back in his chair, “Okay, I’ll believe you. I hope you’ve already passed along the contract to her”

He frowned, “What, the NDA? I’m not dating her, why does she have to sign it?”

“Well yes, you’re not, but clearly you and her are close if you’re drunk calling her from a work party. She could have the wrong idea, if she goes around telling people a different story…that’ll be a problem”

“She is not going to tell anyone”

“You don’t know what girls can be capable of to get fame. An argument with you, if someone bribes her, if she sees any opportunity, she could go to the media—”

“Y/N is not like that” Hyunjin interrupted, a surge of bitterness ripping through at the assumptions.

Eunwoo’s eyebrows shot up, “Y/N…that’s her name”

He wished he could take back that information. It was too late. He released a breath, “Look, you’re not making her sign any contracts. We’re not romantically involved. There are no legal obligations. Am I not even allowed to have fucking friends anymore?”

Eunwoo closed his eyes, “Don’t get angry on me, Hyunjin. You’re not stupid. This is how it’s been for years. The rules won’t change for you. It’s going to be difficult to manage these rumors after you already took half a year off to yourself and with Jisung’s trial and Chan and Kairi’s…whatever the hell they’re doing. You say you’re not dating this girl, I’m going to trust you on that. But if at any point that changes or the girl goes to the news, the company will have to step in. For example, she talks to somebody about her…special friendship with you. Kim Soohyun won’t think twice before suing her for defamation”

Hyunjin saw red, and he clenched his fists as to not react. Defamation? “I get it, Eunwoo”

He nodded, putting a document on the table and sliding it to him, “If anything changes, you have to let me know. I have to be ready to release a statement”

“What, a statement…for what?” Hyunjin stared at the files. An NDA and a press release statement. This was absolutely insane. Nothing had even happened, and they were preparing for the worst case scenario. No, they were waiting for it. 

“You’ve been in this industry long enough, Hwang. We must inform the public and fanbase…if you’re in a relationship. If we keep it to ourselves and it gets out anyway, the backlash would be immense. Now, don’t worry. We can always try to keep her identity secret if you’re worried about her safety and with threats and everything, but—”

Hyunjin stood up in panic, blood rushing to his head, “That’s not happening. There’s not gonna be any threats to her…or announcements”

Eunwoo looked up at him, blinking blankly, “Okay… I appreciate the sentiment but that’s not entirely in your hands. The press tour starts today. All eyes are going to be on the four of you. The whole damn country is talking about you, Hyunjin. We can’t afford a scandal. Kim Soohyun has me in a tight grip. I have faith in you that nothing happens to throw that off”

He swallowed, nails digging into his palm from his emotions, “Yeah. It won’t”

Clearly, his plans of bringing you to the city to visit him were down the fucking drain. He’d be lucky if he could even get a phone call with you anymore. 

“Also if you’re using the company phone to stay in contact with her, I suggest you change that. It shouldn’t be traced back to us”

Hyunjin nodded, and he wasn’t even dating you but the worst was already happening. This was what he’d feared the whole time. There was no point. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and he asked, “Is that going to be all?”

Eunwoo nodded, “You should take these documents with you, just in case. HR were happy to print them out for me this morning. They also told me you’ve been hanging out in the romance section a lot in the company library”

So he had absolutely no privacy anymore either. Hyunjin snatched the folder, carelessly holding the files in his hand, with no intention of ever using them. He wouldn’t let the press statement or NDA document anywhere near you. In fact, they’d be tossed in the trash as soon as he was home. He headed for the door and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He needed to decompress. He couldn’t show up to practice this pissed and this wound up. He’d explode, and the boys didn’t deserve that. 

Eunwoo’s voice stopped him, “Oh, and congratulations, Hyunjin”

Hyunjin turned around, gripping the doorknob in blind fury. It felt like a taunt, a joke. There was nothing to congratulate him for. He couldn’t even keep his friends close without it exploding into a big deal. What did he even have to be grateful for? He looked right at Eunwoo, and his lack of sleep made him more irritable, “For…what?”

Eunwoo smiled warmly, his entire demeanour changing, “The album pre-sales are the biggest we’ve ever seen. You’re a global superstar now. You should feel very, very lucky, kid"

»»————-

“Can you stand still for me, please?” The assistant responsible for touching up Hyunjin’s face asked. He nodded, letting her put rosy tint on his cheeks, blending it with the contour. He’d been here for what easily felt like hours, and through the mirror he could see that Changbin was just about done with his makeup. 

The week leading up to the release was always the hardest. Somebody tugged at his hair and he resisted the urge to grimace. They didn’t deserve his terrible mood; they were only doing their job. The hairstylist apologised, noticing Hyunjin’s sour expression, “Sorry. Eunwoo said we need to get started on your hair right now; the other boys are already ready.” Hyunjin nodded, letting himself be manhandled by three different women as they struggled to put his hair into braids, “Have you been using the product we gave you?”

“Hmm?”

“Your hair’s thinning out, especially the bleached roots” The lady mumbled, disappointed.

“Yeah, I have” Truthfully he’d forgotten, a grave mistake for someone in his industry, but he’d been too caught up in everything else. His stomach rumbled and he hadn’t had time to grab breakfast this morning, so he looked around until he spotted one of their assistants, “Rowoon, could you please get me some honey butter chips—”

“Stay still, please” The makeup assistant repeated. Hyunjin straightened up, speaking through his teeth, “…or ramyeon?”

Rowoon looked at him through the mirror, eyebrows shooting up, “Um. Are you sure? You have a pre-recording tomorrow”

“I…haven’t eaten since last night” Hyunjin replied.

“Last time you ate it…your face got pretty swollen, and you were pretty beat up about not looking great in the music show” Rowoon said, grimly smiling.

Hyunjin nodded, gut hurting at that memory of his swollen face, “Right. Never mind. Forget it. Thank you”

“How long are we filming for today?” Jisung asked, adjusting his headset in the back. Rowoon looked between them, “Well, you guys are booked until 4 PM”

Hyunjin’s eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at his phone. 6:43 am. Fuck.

Changbin walked by, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder, slipping toffees into his palm, “That’ll fill you up before the interviews”. The candy looked less than appetising, but it was his only option, and he reached to eat some, just as the lady stopped him to apply lip tint to his mouth. Today was going to be a long fucking day.

They were almost done with his hair, braiding it at the top of his head, secured with glitter barrettes. It was an elaborate hairstyle, and he feared he’d ruin it if he moved. It was like walking on eggshells, like his slightest touch would crumble things. Well, everything already seemed to be crumbling. Hyunjin hadn’t been in the best of moods since his talk with Eunwoo, and the possibilities of how everything could go wrong loomed over him. The worst he’d feared for was already happening, things set in motion and no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop it from worsening. The company knew your name. They knew of your existence. They’d already restricted him. There’s no way in hell Hyunjin would be able to bring you to Seoul, much less meet you in this city without a hundred documents or cameras being thrown at you. Slowly, all his happiness that had been built up carefully and precisely, was turning into bitterness.

“Have you seen Chan?” Rowoon asked, in the reflection of the vanity mirror. Hyunjin shook his head. He’d been sitting on this chair for forty five minutes straight. How the hell would he know where Chan was? The hunger and frustration was getting to him, and he shook his head, calming himself down.

“May I go now?” He looked up at the hair assistant.

She nodded, “Just no quick movements. The hairspray is still settling in”

Now that he could properly look at himself, it looked good. Having longer hair always set him at the mercy of experimentation for new styles, and often crazy accessories. He smiled at them, pushing the chair back to stand, “Of course. Thank you so much for your hard work. It’s beautiful”

In other circumstances, he’d snap a picture and send you, but…he’d been on eggshells with you too. Inadvertently, the conversation with Eunwoo had created distance. Hyunjin hated that because none of this was your fault. You shouldn’t be subject to this silence from him, but he was constantly looking over his shoulder, paranoid that he’d be caught and it was getting tiring. His carelessness at the party had led to this. He wanted to fully blame himself for not having any self-control when he drunk called you. Yet, a part of him knew that even without the doomed phone call, somehow everybody would have found out anyway. It was only a matter of time. Things never stayed stable for too long in his life.

He walked into the hallway, hoping to find an empty room. There were usually a few reserved for stage props. He could have a few moments to himself, just to talk to you. That could calm him down, and he could apologise for his distance. He didn’t know how he’d begin to explain what was happening to you. To anybody else, it’d seem like he was pushing you away and he hoped you understood that it was never his intention.

A door was ajar, sliver of light leaking out into the hallway. He stopped in his tracks, familiar voices inside. He didn’t meant to eavesdrop, but they were so loud, “What do you want me to say? I’m doing absolutely everything I can! Jisung’s trial is already—”

“Don’t bring Jisung into this…” Kairi’s exasperated voice interrupted, “What’s going on with him is different. You always do this, Chris! Why are you making this your problem?”

“I’m sorry? They’re my bandmates. They’re my friends. Of course I’m going to take their burden!”

“Jisung is an adult, he’s perfectly capable of—“

“I made a promise to all of them, Kairi. I’m not jumping ship when they need me the most” Chan sounded so frustrated.

She groaned, “I’m not asking you to jump ship. But Chris you haven’t slept in three fucking days! You’re…barely eating. This is not living”

Hyunjin didn’t know that, and his blood ran cold at the information as Chan replied, “This isn’t your problem Kairi. It’s…my problem to deal with. I have to make sacrifices—”

“I had to quit my job because of you, Chris!” She trailed off, Hyunjin’s eyes widened, and he flinched at the aggressive tone. He wasn’t new to their arguments, especially over the last month, but none were like this. This felt like the culmination of something that had been building for months, even years. Kairi was always so sweet, and her volume returned to normal, “I mean…I had to quit because of us. I made sacrifices too. So yes, it is my problem”

Chan’s voice dropped, “Well, I don’t want you to make sacrifices for me”

“That’s what people do when they love each other. I’m sorry but that’s just a reality you’re going to have to accept Chris”

“Do we…have to talk about this now? The interviews start soon, and I can’t focus on them—” 

“I’m so worried about you, Channie. I don’t know how you’re going to make it through the morning”

Chan groaned, “I don’t know either, but I have to do it for the boys. I can’t…let them down”

Hyunjin’s chest ached now, a different kind of pain settling in. Why were they all making sacrifices for each other? They were only in their twenties, pushing for their dreams; this instability shouldn’t be normal.

Kairi sighed, “See, that’s exactly the problem. Why do you always take the blame for everything? Even when Hyunjin was gone, you made it your mission to do damage control for him. Not everything has to be your burden”

At the mention of his name, he really should walk away and learn to mind his own business, but he couldn’t help but overhear, feet rooted to the floor as Chan’s voice softened with a new desperation and frustration, “They mean everything to me. You know that”

“They do to me too, Chris. I know this is a horrible time”

“Hyunjin?” He heard Jisung’s voice call for him in the hallway. He needed to head back. An entire press and interview team was waiting for them, only a few rooms over and if he listened any further, he’d be in no state of mind to answer questions. But of course as he stepped away, he picked up on the last bit of conversation, “Did you know HR gave Hyunjin the papers?” Chan laughed bitterly, “They’re already prepared for the worst”

Kairi sighed, and he could hear her footsteps as she moved closer to Chan. Only dread filled his stomach as he heard the next sentence out of her mouth, “That’s their job. You have to not make it your problem this time, Chan, I’m…so worried about your health. And that’s Hyunjin’s responsibility. He knew what he was getting into when he started seeing her. It was bound to happen. It always does.”

Hyunjin didn’t stick around to hear Chan’s response.

He had heard enough.

»»————-

“Hyun, can I come see you?”

The question was expected, but Hyunjin was shocked when you said it anyway. He froze, choking at his words. A few days ago, he would have been overjoyed at this. After all, he’d already bought the tickets and made all the arrangements for you to come see him, but…things had changed. It was too risky. He didn’t have the heart to tell you about his conversation with Eunwoo. What was the point after all? Hyunjin let out an awkward fucking chuckle, “W-what?”

“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help.” Your voice was far away, drenched in longing.

It wasn’t out of nowhere, it was only what Hyunjin had been planning since forever. But nothing went to his fucking plans, “I…I’m not sure, Y/N”

Your voice deflated, disappointed, “Yeah?”

His heart broke, but it had become increasingly clear that it would be the dumbest idea ever to have you come visit. If anybody saw them…if anything got out…he wasn’t prepared to deal with that, “Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…”

“Yeah. I understand” Of course you understood, no matter how shitty Hyunjin kept behaving. For once, he wished you’d actually yell at him.

“I’m sorry” He swallowed, and he could feel the life being sucked out of him.

Your response was sweet as usual, “It’s okay. It’s bad timing”

“It’s bad timing” He repeated, and Hyunjin suddenly had a horrible feeling that maybe this was the last straw. Things had slipped out of his control. Soon, eventually, you would too.

»»————-

The seasons were changing, but flowers bloomed all year long in Seoul, and so Hyunjin had prepared early. He’d bought the Camellia seeds so he could grow winter flowers on his own, and see their life unfold before his eyes. Even if everything else seemed to be falling apart, at least he could try to be consistent and paint his feelings away. The yellow falling leaves and orange tree cover taken over the city inspired his many paintings. Usually, you’d send him pictures of every little detail from back home, especially of changing landscapes and beautiful natural sights of town, but you hadn't shared anything the past week. He wondered what autumn would look like in Daejon. Now that his conversations with you were thinning out, he had an irrational fear that he’d never find out. 

“Everything okay?”

“Sorry?” Hyunjin snapped out of it, and Changbin looked at him, concerned. “You’re in your head again. Is something bothering you?”

Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “No, I’m good”

Changbin clearly wasn’t convinced, because his expression softened, and he reached a hand out, “Hey, why don’t you go wait in the car? I’ll bring the Americano out to you”

But he was so past being taken care of or worried about. So Hyunjin shook his head. The idea of waiting in the car sounded absolutely horrible right now. He needed fresh air, and he was perfectly capable of getting his own cup of coffee.

“No, I got this. Why don’t you let me get this for us?” Hyunjin asked, pushing his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. It was getting colder by the day, and even in this temperature-controlled cafe, he was cold to the bone. Changbin grinned, shooting him a cheesy wink, “Well, I’ll never say no to being treated by you”

A smile tugged at Hyunjin’s lips. Changbin could find the brevity in each situation. Hyunjin walked up to the cashier, placing an order for their usual. “Could I have two coffees, black, please?” He asked. The cashier, a girl probably in her 20s, smiled wide at Hyunjin, “Is that all?”

He glanced at the pastry counter, and everything looked so appetising. Yet he was on a diet and couldn’t afford to do this. Everybody would be so disappointed in him, “No, that’s all”

“Sorry, but do…I know you?” She asked, punching in his order. Hyunjin’s brows shot up, and he thought he’d concealed his identity enough with the hat, but clearly the rest of his expensive outfit was a dead give-away that was he was some big shot. They had another schedule after this, so they were dressed up and he was draped head-to-toe in luxury items, “Um. I just have one of those faces, I guess”

The girl didn’t look convinced, “Right…I’ll have your coffee out in a few minutes”

He stepped aside, joining his friend to the side. Changbin had a huge grin on his face still and Hyunjin was thankful to have his positivity surround him, “That chick was totally flirting with you”

“What?” Hyunjin shook his head, pushing the receipt in his coat pocket, “She barely said two words. You think everyone’s flirting with me”

“Well, why are her and all her friends giggling and looking at you?” Changbin rolled his eyes. Hyunijn looked back, and sure enough, the cashier and her coworkers were looking at him. Maybe they shouldn’t have come in here today. It was too close to the comeback. He shook that thought from his head. He was desperate for coffee.

“Excuse me, sir? Your coffee is ready” The girl said, and Hyunjin stepped back up. She was smiling, flushing red under her uniform cap, and as she handed them the cups he noticed a piece of paper stuck to it. Changbin glanced at it, eyes widening as they stepped away, “Is that her number?”

“I don’t know” Hyunjin mumbled, unfurling the paper. This definitely was the most romantic way he’d been asked out. It was her Instagram handle, and a note was stuck to it, Hope you liked the coffee, handsome. Maybe we could get a stronger drink later tonight? 

“Wow” Hyunjin’s brows shot up, and he pushed the note into his pocket too. It’d be thrown away later, “That’s…certainly a bold move”

“Please tell me you’re going on that date”

Hyunjin shook his head, amused at how light-hearted dates and budding love could be for Changbin, “I…have plans”

“What plans? You’re a recluse”

“I was going to talk to Y/N tonight—” He trailed off, eyes landing on someone familiar in the crowd. Hyunjin’s breath hitched.

It was a while since he’d seen her. Years, at this point.

She was sat at a far table, laughing over a cup of coffee and croissants. She seemed better than she had in years. Happier than she’d ever been around Hyunjin. Right now, she was glowing. The cause of her happiness seemed to be a boy sitting across her. A guy dressed in flannel and suit pants, chunky glasses on his face. Hyunjin couldn’t look away as the boy leaned forward, kissing her cheek quickly. She smiled, and then the cashier called out, “Coffee for Yujin”

She kissed the boy before standing up. She walked towards them, and Hyunjin was still standing stupidly at the counter. She noticed him, eyes widening, coming to a stop. Almost instantly, the life drained from her face. 

A stark difference from a moment ago, when she was so happy. Hyunjin didn’t know what to do; he raised a hand; a small, non-threatening wave. Things between them had ended in peace, after all. Yujin’s face traversed many expressions before she settled on a calm look, “Hyunjin. Wow…hi. This…is such a surprise. Hello…Changbin”

Hyunjin nodded, hoping this interaction wasn’t being watched, “It’s…been a while, Yujin”

She was still beautiful, smiling to diffuse the tension, “I didn’t expect to see you around here”

Hyunjin nodded, hands squeezing his coffee cup, “Yeah. I…don’t come here too often”

She nodded, familiarity returning to her gaze, “Ah. Too easy to get recognised?”

Hyunjin nodded along, even though that wasn’t the reason. He hated how his life seemed to revolve around his fame, and not his choices, like maybe he didn’t come here because he just liked another coffee shop more. Changbin took over, noticing the awkward shift in Hyunjin, “Um, so how have you been, Yujin? You look good!”

She smiled at him, “I’m great. I’m actually doing really well… I, uh, moved out of the city, closer to the outskirts”

“Really?” Hyunjin asked. He wondered why she would make such a decision. She’d trained with him for years, until she’d suddenly dropped out of the idol industry, but back when Hyunjin knew her and dated her, they had the same ambitions. The same thirst to be recognized, to be respected, and known for their talent. That’s why they had got along so well.

“Hmm, the city got too much for me sometimes. Anyway after I met Haru, it just seemed like the right choice to make”

“Haru. Is that…your boyfriend?” Hyunjin asked, noticing the boy back at the table. 

“Well…” She giggled, lifting her hand up to show them the glittering, gorgeous ring, “Fiancé, actually”

Changbin’s eyes widened, “You’re engaged?”

She nodded, a dimple in her cheek, “Haru asked me a few months ago”

Hyunjin forced himself to smile, but there was a deep pit in his stomach, recalling the conversations they used to have back in their days as trainees. They were never that serious to talk about weddings, or marriage. They both knew it was only an attraction between them and would stay that way, but he remembered a specific conversation where Yujin had said that the only disadvantage of becoming famous was the love life they’d be giving up. He was happy for her now. She hadn’t had to give it up after all, “Congratulations, Yujin. That’s…really good”

“Never too early to settle down, am I right?” She laughed, “What about you, Jinnie? How have you been?”

“I’m…good too. So…what are you doing these days?” He redirected the conversation back, curiosity brimming at him. What did someone do once they’d left the idol life? They were free to do absolutely anything, the choices were limitless. He’d never known a life without rules. He’d been training since he was fourteen, after all. She shrugged, “I’m doing a bit of everything. I volunteered at an organisation for a while, I tested my hand at photography, modelling even, but then I realised I really don’t want to be around cameras of any kind” She laughed, “I teach now, though”

“That sounds really nice, Yujin. I’m glad you get to do something you love”

“Well, you too! You’re absolutely thriving, Hyunjin. I see you every day with all your brand deals and advertisements. Does it ever get tiring being pretty all the time?”

Hyunjin smiled, “It’s…part of my job”

“Well, you deserve it. I remember how focused you used to be. You were my motivation, you know? It should have been obvious that life wasn’t for me. I hated everything. My favourite part of the academy used to be seeing you” At those words, the boy, Haru joined her, slipping an arm around her waist, “Everything all right, baby?”

She glanced at him, “Shit, I totally forgot to get the coffee. Just ran into some old friends”

Haru laughed, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it for us, babe.” He kissed her again, with no hesitance of being seen by so many people, and went to pick up the drinks. Changbin conversed with Haru, as Yujin asked Hyunjin, “I read that you went on a break for a couple of months. That must have been…wow, relieving?”

He swallowed, “Yeah, it was really good, but…I’m back to work now”

“That must’ve been nice. I don’t know how you do it, Hyunnie. I remember when we training together, you wouldn’t leave the practice room for days. Still the same?”

Hyunjin nodded. Yujin had changed so much from when he’d last met her. Had he changed at all?

Haru smiled at him, “Thank you for taking good care of her then. She tells me about those days a lot. It must have been thrilling to keep it a secret from everyone”

Hyunjin shook his head, smiling politely at him, “It was terrifying actually” 

They laughed. Haru pulled Yujin into his side again as she said, “Well…this was unexpected, but if your schedule permits, you and the boys are always welcome to the engagement party. It’s the end of December”

Changbin sighed dramatically, “Unfortunately, we’re working the whole month”. Yujin frowned, “That’s terrible….I would suggest catching up after that but…me and Haru are going to be gone for three months”

“Oh, where are you going?” Changbin asked.

“Backpacking through Europe” She responded chirpily, “Haru’s really into art and sculptures, so we have this silly idea to visit every museum in Paris”

“That sounds really good” Hyunjin smiled, but he was drowning so deep in his thoughts he could barely focus. What a nice life. It was strange, the last time he saw her, she was in the same boat as him. Training to be an idol, like him. But their paths had diverged, and envy settled in him. He was so lucky to have his life, but he wished he could just take off like that too on vacation, no questions asked. Changbin’s phone buzzed and he apologised, ”Um sorry to stop this, but we gotta go. Eunwoo’s calling us back in to work”

Hyunjin nodded, “Oh, of course. It was great to meet you Yujin, and you too, Haru. Congratulations again, on the engagement. I hope you have a good time in Europe. I’m really happy for you”

Suddenly the expensive bracelets he was wearing felt like shackles around Hyunjin’s wrists. 

»»————-

A fire burned within him, a quiet inferno consuming his peace. He couldn’t stop thinking about Yujin and what her life was like now. She’d rebuilt it to something so special. She would never have that peace of life if she’d stayed in her company or with Hyunjin. He sat at the company table, signing albums, and it was a monotonous task so his thoughts kept drifting. 

“Jinnie. Your phone” Jisung mumbled, poking him with a pen. Hyunjin lift his head to see it buzzing across the table. You were calling. He took a breath, walking out to talk to you. You were the only thing that could make this horrible fucking day better. He hoped you weren’t still upset at him rejecting your offer to come to the city. Hopefully, you’d understand. Everything was too treacherous. Hyunjin…was too treacherous for you right now. Still, he listened to you about your day, and how you’d apparently made up with Yongbok. He smiled, lowering his voice as employees passed him in the corridor, “What did you guys do?”

As you told him everything he wished he was doing with you instead, Hyunjin faded into thought again until you said, “Um…and something else happened. When we were talking, Yongbok said something…He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”

He wished he was more surprised.

A cynical stupid part of him was happy at this. So Yongbok finally told you. Bitterness settled into his veins, scorching him from the inside out, and Hyunjin found himself thinking that maybe with Yongbok, you could finally have the life he couldn’t give you.

When he got home that night, he realised the hydrangeas in his room had withered away completely.

»»————-

He woke to fresh flowers on his desk. Baby blue, lilac, pink and white. All shapes and colors. The scent is what woke him up. It starkly contrasted to the dying hydrangeas that he still hadn’t thrown away. He’d been meaning to draw them in that state. A cruel render of their destruction. 

The comeback was in a few days. Their album would finally be out to the public. There was so much to do today, and he lay in bed just a little longer to enjoy the temporary peace. A press conference was underway soon, and he would have to put on his best self. It was going to be live-streamed and there were no doubts that he’d be asked about the hiatus. He worried if the music would be well received, if it would surpass everyone’s expectations. Hyunjin finally crawled out of bed and read the little notes attached to the bouquets. Congratulations on your 4th successful studio album. Never forget how lucky and blessed you are~!

He walked into his kitchen, sweatpants hanging low, sleep clouding him, to see even more flowers on the island. “Who sent these?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Jisung looked sorrowful though, ignoring the bouquets entirely.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin asked, the worst scenarios playing in his head.

He swallowed, “They broke up”

His stomach was a pit at the news, “When?”

“Late last night. Chan…still hasn’t come home yet. We have no idea where he is”

“What? How do you know they broke up?”

“Kairi texted Binnie. She was worried. We can’t find him anywhere…”

“I’m going to call him" Hyunjin said, rushing to his room.

“We already tried that, Jinnie” Changbin spoke, “We’ve been trying since an hour”

“Maybe he’ll pick up my call” Hyunjin hoped, as the ringer rang in his ear. After eight rings, Chan did pick up. “Hello, Chan?” Hyunjin asked, voice soft. Jisung and Changbin moved closer, eyes wide as they observed him. Chan sounded low on the other end, “Jinnie…? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I’m okay. Where are you, Channie? Are you all right?”

“I’m…fine. Don’t worry. I’ll be back in time for the conference”

“No, can I please come get you? Let me” Hyunjin pleaded. There was a pause, and a sigh and then Chan said, “I’m at the old dorm”

“I’ll be right there” Hyunjin hung up.

“No, we’re coming with” Jisung said, stepping ahead.

“Guys. Let me…just do this on my own. Eunwoo would kill us if none of us are here. Me and Chan will make it to the press conference, I promise”

Hyunjin couldn’t drive fast enough. For a second, he worried he would forget the way to their old house but it was embedded into him. It’s where they’d had their whole beginning, and Hyunjin got there in record time. Kairi meant everything to Chan, and he couldn’t imagine what he’d be feeling right now. Chan was always there for him, and he felt personally responsible to make sure he was all right. The old dorm building looked run-down; it had been falling apart for years, even when the boys lived there, and he chose the stairs over the rusty old elevator. On the fourth floor, there was an alcove. It was hidden behind a door that was sometimes locked, but he pushed it open. Chan was sitting inside, on the window seat, a soft smile on his face when he saw Hyunjin approach.

“Just you?” He tilt his head, seeing nobody else follow, “I thought the cavalry would show up”

Hyunjin shot him a soft smile, leaning against the door, “Just me….can I join you?”

Chan pat the empty seat next to him, and Hyunjin sat down. This is where Chan was always found, back when they still lived here. It’s where he came to think. To write their greatest hits. To ponder about life’s biggest mysteries. It was always his place, and Hyunjin could see why he loved it so much. It was hidden, like a secret room. Ignoring the cobweb in the corner, it was cosy. A faded old painting hung on the wall, rickety floorboards that probably hid treasures inside, a window that looked out onto an alley. The alley was something special in itself. It was between two apartment buildings, and a little bakery was carved into the side of the building. The few times Hyunjin sat here with Chan, he’d seen bakers arrive at three in the morning, loading powdered sugar and other ingredients in, creating storms and clouds of sugar. It was always a beautiful sight.

“What happened, Chan?” Hyunjin ended up asking, cutting to the chase. They both knew why he was here. Chan swallowed, looking wistful, “I’m fine, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m going to be okay. I just needed…a day to let the sadness out”

“You can take more than that” 

“Not really. I can’t afford to, not this week. I gotta put on my best self”

“We’ll understand if you don’t.” Hyunjin frowned, admirable of Chan’s resolve, “If you want to talk about it, I’m here” Chan glanced at him, a smile on his face, “I know you are, Jinnie. You’re actually the best, and the worst person to talk to this about”

“Why the worst?” Hyunjin frowned.

Chan laughed, “You don’t want to hear the good part first?”

“No…”

“The worst because…I know what you felt about me and Kairi… I feel responsible for how you see the world, crazy as that sounds. I know you had to hear our arguments the past few weeks, I’m sorry about that. I feel like I took away all your hope.”

Hyunjin swallowed, “It’s not your fault. I’ve had minimal hope to begin with”

Chan laughed, loudly, “God, Jinnie, that’s really fucked up, you know? It shouldn’t be this way. We should be out there, showing our girls the best time”

“You shouldn’t apologize to me for your break up, Chan,” Hyunjin emphasized.

“Wow. Breakup. That sounds insane to say” He breathed in a sigh, as it was finally settling in, “To think I was going to ask her to marry me in a few months”

Hyunjin felt emotional. He’d known and adored their relationship for the longest time, “I’m so sorry, Chan. I don’t know what to say, I wish I could…make this better”

“You don’t have to. I’m…happy you’re here. Kim Soohyun asked to see my phone last night. I don’t know why, but I deleted every conversation with Kairi. I suppose I panicked. I shouldn’t have done that, because now all my best memories with her are just that…memories”

Hyunjin swallowed, and maybe all the reading poetry had rotted his brain. His heart was starting to shrivel, just like the Hydrangeas that were out of bloom. Once he got home, maybe it was the right move to erase his chat history with you too. A small way of shielding himself from the damage that could follow. His memories with you would be lost, but his carelessness would only hurt the boys more.

Chan reminded him far too much of you, the way he held onto memories, objects, and tangible things with an iron grip. He recalled how sad you’d felt erasing the little star you’d drawn from Hyunjin’s face. It had meant so much to you. Maybe he was becoming more like you every day too, which is why the dying flowers still rested on Hyunjin’s desk when he should have thrown them out weeks ago. He ended up saying something that only halfway made sense, “I want to say that…the things we’re meant for will always come back to us, but… I stray further from that thought every day, so I would be lying if I tried to convince you of that” 

Chan smiled sadly, and he held something within his hands, “You’re the most romantic person I know, even without trying to be”

Hyunjin laughed, bitterly, “I think it’s safe to say I’m doomed”

Chan turned to him, “Don’t say that, Jinnie”

Hyunjin shook his head, facing him, “I came here for you, not to talk about me…you know you have me, always, right?”

“I know” Chan leaned in, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin. It was an awkward half-hug but Hyunjin relaxed into the embrace, whispering, “I’m so sorry it didn’t work out with Kairi”

Chan pulled away, a sincere smile on his face, “Thank you. We should probably get going if we want to make it in time for the conference”

“You’re right” Hyunjin nodded, but they made no attempt to move, trying to lengthen this short-lived peace.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.” Chan muttered, and it’s only then that Hyunjin realised what he held in his palm. A diamond ring. The one he was going to propose to Kairi with.

“What?” 

“What our lives are like. Do you never question that?” Chan asked. Hyunjin had never heard him talk like this, and he couldn’t comprehend this. Chan had built them up from the ground up, worked his ass off to get them to where they are. In fact, he couldn’t bear to see this side of him. He shouldn’t be questioning all his hard work, or that all would have been for nothing. Out of all people in the world, Chan couldn't be the one to lose hope. He was their rock.

He felt for Chan. So much. Yet, this train of thought was so dangerous. What would happen to them if they all started hating their job? They had never been forced into this career, they’d made their choices of their own volition, even if it was done as a teenager who didn’t know what he’d be giving up, but they’d gained so much too. The lifestyle Hyunjin led…people would kill for. 14-year-old him would kill for this. And he’d be so proud of him for it too. So, why was he questioning everything now? 

“No, I don’t” Hyunjin said. It was a lie, but he would sell it to Chan, for his sake, “We’re doing something impossible for most people to even imagine in the world. The impact that you have on people is…unreal. Millions of people love you, and you inspire them. You inspire me to work harder everyday. So, I don’t question if it’s worth it, and you shouldn’t either, Chan”

Something in Chan’s eyes changed, as if he had never expected him to say this. Hyunjin, the romantic, would never have said that. Love felt like the core of his life. He was hungry for it, but there was more than one kind of love.

So later that week, when Hyunjin stared at his phone in his hands, it was filled up with memories of you. Every phone call, each picture you’d sent him, each sweet thought he’d scribbled in his notes but never had the chance to send you. The press tour had already begun, and the boys were knee-depth in stress, and Hyunjin could never let himself add to that. Kairi had talked about sacrifices, and he finally understood it. Maybe it was cowardly to never explain to you what was happening, but it was easier. He didn’t have the heart to delete the past few months, so he took Eunwoo’s advice and changed his number instead.

Sorrow settled in his chest as Hyunjin realised that he would go to the ends of the earth for you, but perhaps that wasn’t still enough. He wasn’t willing to give this life up, and this was a sacrifice he was going to have to make.

»»————- Present Day. 

You only had the moonlight to guide you tonight.

There were hardly any streetlights this far out. It was pitch black, and the glow of the moon fell upon Hyunjin’s face, tracing each contour perfectly. You were trying real hard to not look at him. He was drumming his fingertips against the steering wheel and it was annoying. It kept grabbing your attention, and you’d glance at him only to remember you couldn’t do that anymore. You couldn’t spend time marveling at his little mannerisms because…things had changed. 

All you could do was listen to the conversations of the backseat. Chan was mumbling something to Kairi, and their voices had dropped in volume since you’d pulled out of the parking lot. Each syllable was spoken in a whisper, like it was a secret between them, and you felt like you were eavesdropping. Still, there was not much else to focus to. You definitely were not going to focus on the boy sitting next to you.

“I know that it could’ve been better…but I hope that you still had a good time today” Chan said softly, and through the rearview mirror, you saw that they’d laced their hands together. Kairi was leaning into him, fingers interlocked, and you looked down at your hands. The empty spaces between your fingers bothered you. 

“I did, Chris” Her eyes were closed, but she smiled, “Honestly, it was a pretty special birthday”

You averted your gaze, giving them privacy. Hyunjin kept glancing in the mirror briefly before looking back to the road. There was a small smile on his lips. He used to talk about them so much. He must be happy with this outcome. You didn’t know the details of what had gone wrong with their relationship, you’d never pried, but it must have been hard getting back together after all that heartbreak and pain.

“I’m…really fucking tired. I might pass out any second” Kairi announced, followed by a yawn.

“Don’t worry. Hyunjin is a smooth driver” Chan reassured, “Isn’t he?”

Hyunjin nodded, eyes flickering to Chan’s, “Of course. And um, Kairi, if you’re cold, I have an extra jacket in the backseat”

There was rummaging and then Kairi gasped, having found the jacket, “This is so stylish. I missed your clothes, Jinnie”

“Hey, hey. What are you trying to imply?” Chan complained. Kairi giggled, and Hyunjin laughed, “Your girlfriend is a fan of color, Chan. That’s not my fault”

“How predictable of you” Chan mumbled, and you could see him rolling his eyes. You drifted out of their conversation, looking out the window at the passing landscape. Trees drifted by in a blur and there was hardly any civilisation out here. Miles and miles of nothing. 

“Don’t you agree?” Kairi laughed, hand landing on your shoulder, and she was talking to you.

“Sorry?” You asked, “Agree with what?”

“Fuck. Did I wake you?” She apologised, “I didn’t realise you fell asleep”

“No, no, I’m up. I was just distracted….” You replied, clearing your throat. This conversation warranted another glance from Hyunjin, as if he was checking to see what you were distracted by. You returned his gaze with indifference, raising your eyebrows. He immediately looked away, back to the road.

“Well, I was telling Chris that your friends, Minnie and Jamie are one of the cutest couples I’ve ever met. I mean, I hardly see relationships that strong here; people are usually just serial daters” Kairi explained.

“Oh. Right” You nodded, thankful to have the context, “They’re…really cute, yeah”

“A serial dater?” Chan asked.

“Yeah. Dating apps will do that to you, especially in midtown. Take my advice now, never get on one, you’ll be fighting in the trenches” Kairi laughed. The trees were whizzing past so fast it made you dizzy, you mumbled, “It’s funny. Dating apps could never work back home”

“Cause you know everyone? Is that really true?” She asked. You nodded, “I mean, yeah. You go to school with the people technically in your dating age range, and there are only five restaurants and hang-out spots, so you’re always bumping into each other. It’s impossible to not know everyone”

“Was that ever weird?” Kairi asked, “Like seeing your ex at dinner or something?”

A small laugh escaped you, “It actually sucked. You couldn’t escape them”

“Did you ever run into her exes?” Chan asked, and it took you a second to realise the question was directed at Hyunjin. It took him a few seconds and he sat up straighter, mumbling quietly, “No.”

You blinked at his nonchalance, trying not to let this phase you. This could be a normal car ride if you just let it. Suddenly your gut was hurting with anxiety and you looked out the window again, away from him.

“Well, thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with that,” Chan spoke, “Eunwoo would have a heart attack if one of us was found on those apps. Although there’s quite a few fake profiles out there with Hyunjin’s face on them”

“Eunwoo?” You asked, ignoring the second part of his statement. It sent jealousy surging through you. Why did you feel jealous by even the thought of Hyunjin being on a dating app? You needed to get a grip on your emotions. 

“Ah. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?” Chan asked, so casually, “Eunwoo’s…our manager, of sorts”

Without thinking, you spoke, “I thought your manager was the lady in the shop”

“What shop?” Chan frowned, confused, “Wait, hold up. You’ve met one of our managers, Y/N? Where was that?” You stayed silent, for only a second, wondering if Hyunjin would answer this question. After all, he knew the manager and they were in the shop for a reason. The one where he had ignored you completely, as if you didn’t exist. You were only there by accident, after losing your way trying to find the Atelier. To your relief, Hyunjin did speak, “Yeah. That was Mrs. Giwon…she was accompanying me on one of the snack runs”

“Ah” Kairi exclaimed, “She’s…the worst one”

“Hey” Chan spoke, “She’s really helpful sometimes”

“Anyway…moving on” Kairi rolled her eyes, “She kind of traumatised me after she busted us”

“Busted you?” You turned, intrigued. Kairi laughed, “She walked in on me and Chan making out in the studio! God, that day was hell. She like…actually yelled at me for not maintaining a professional attitude in their building”

“And that, of course…led to the no-girlfriend in the studio rule,” Chan mumbled, and through the rearview, you saw him roll his eyes. That seemed like an insane rule to have, especially for adults. You stole a glance at Hyunjin to catch his reaction. He looked straight ahead, as if he couldn’t even hear this conversation, laser-focused on driving the empty streets. Kairi laughed loudly, “Changbin was the most pissed about that!”

“He has a girlfriend?” 

“No. That man’s a serial dater, through and through. He’s too busy producing insane music to have a full relationship anyway. He goes through NDA’s faster than you can say hookup, but honestly…he enjoys himself so much. He’s…very popular with all the girls”

You wanted to ask so much more about that. NDAs…? So that was a truth and not a rumor. Hyunjin had never mentioned those to you. At the paint and wine event, Sakura and Yeosang had asked him about it, and he’d been cautious about answering. But it was true. All of it felt so silly. Their words came back to you. Imagine sleeping with someone and then signing a contract instead of some aftercare.

If you and Hyunjin had hooked up back in Daejon, would he have also made you sign an NDA? But he fingered you. He let you touch him. He let you cut his hair and give him a handjob in his little bathroom. Did that not ask for an NDA? Or did he just trust you enough? All the possibilities floated through your head, and stupidly, like a stupid girl, you blurted, “So what all does that NDA cover? Is it just sex or…is it like, making out and other things too? And it's legally required?”

At your question, Hyunjin’s grip on the wheel tightened. His shoulders tensed up. 

You’d struck a nerve. 

Good. 

It was satisfying to know you had some sort of impact on him. Till now, he was just pretending you didn’t exist. 

Kairi paused, pondering over it, “Um…pretty much just sex, but like…I didn’t have to sign an NDA every single time. It’s only if it’s with a new person"

“Right”

Chan laughed, “I know. It sounds crazy. Especially in the 21st century, but with the internet and everything, you can never be too careful what people will say in a public forum. Hyunjin, didn’t you hate them too when we started out?”

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Yeah. It’s stupid”

So he would sign them too? How often did he sleep with a new girl? You didn’t want to think about this any longer. There was no point wondering about his past when you wouldn’t be in his future. Your phone buzzed against the console and you grabbed it, positioning it on the seat between your legs so you could read it. It was a text from Felix.

hey. i was just talking with minho and man, i miss you I know you’ve likely forgotten all about me but call me later please…I think ill die here without you

A smile pulled at your cheeks, and you typed in a quick reply.

im getting back from a party lixie. It was kairi’s birthday. i miss you guys too :(

“Who are you texting at this hour?” Kairi piped up, leaning ahead, “Nate?”. You immediately clicked your phone screen black, even though you had nothing to hide. You just shot her a smile, “Just… a friend from back home”

Hyunjin probably knew exactly who you were talking about, yet he didn’t react. His stone-cold demeanour was really beginning to bother you.

“So where were you guys, at the party? When we found you, you two were at the cabins” Kairi spoke, breaking the tension. You swallowed, wondering if he would answer but he obviously wasn’t interested in speaking so you said, “I was dancing. And then…I hurt myself. So Hyunjin took me to the cabin to find a bandaid”

That wasn’t exactly what had happened. You had conveniently skipped over your argument, and the two of you spying on them, but Hyunjin nodded along, following your lie, “Yeah. There were no first aid kits there though”

Kairi nodded, “Shit, yeah. We didn’t think anybody would use the cabins for anything other than sex…anyway, I was thinkingggg we should play some game. It’d be nice to kill the time.”

Chan reminded her, “I thought you were about to pass out, baby”

Kairi was full of energy now as she suggested, “Well, I’m wide awake now! I kind of want the celebration to last a little while longer. Y/N, you can pick a game, since you're my guest of honour! Do you know any good ones?”

It seemed like Kairi and Chan had absolutely no fucking idea what happened between you and Hyunjin. They knew you weren’t together, but it seemed like they knew nothing more than that. Hyunjin hadn’t told them any of the details. They only knew you’d ended things, but not why. By their ease, and comfort…it seemed like they didn’t even know Hyunjin had been the one to end things with you. The memory of that made your chest clench, with hurt.

The heartbreak felt so one-sided. Everything seemed so easy for him. Had you got everything wrong this summer? Had you read too much into his actions? You felt embarrassed, thinking back to the kind of things you’d said to him. You didn’t tell him you loved him, but you pretty much said everything else. He knew more about you than anybody else in your life, and now he wouldn't even talk to you. You’d been willing to move to the city for him, but he didn’t even bat an eye. Being in Seoul suddenly didn’t feel worth it anymore.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” 

“We still are two hours out of the city. It’d be fun to play something” Kairi said, glancing at the GPS on the console. Play something? Like a road trip game? This hardly felt like a road trip, it was far too depressing to be one. “I’m…good with anything” You spoke, “I’m kind of really tired”

“How about word association?” Chan suggested, “I used to play that with my family as a kid”

You realised he was waiting for your response so you nodded, “Sure. How does it go…? Is there a way to lose?”

“Only if you take longer than three seconds to answer. We go in a circle, Kairi can start with any random word, you have to say a word related to the previous one, and the person who can’t come up with something loses”

You weren’t really in the mood to play, but you would need more energy to protest. Plus, any time interacting with the back-seaters was time removed with the boy in the front seat. Kairi quickly explained the rules, and that it would go clockwise, starting with Hyunjin. He still hadn’t reacted to the idea of the game so you weren’t even sure if he was playing. Kairi hummed loudly, looking around for inspiration. Dark clouds were forming on the horizon so she naturally said, “Thunder!”

“Storm” You immediately said.

“Well, Hyunjin was supposed to go” Kairi laughed, “I’ll go again. Eclipse?”

“Cosmic” Hyunjin replied. A curt, short, emotionless answer. You realised you had to speak now. You mumbled, “Um…the stars”

“Marilyn Monroe” Chan said. Kairi laughed loudly, “Chris. What the hell?”

“What? She’s…a star” Chan defended. You smiled at their bantering. Kairi rolled her eyes, “No. That’s what’s called a Freudian slip”

“Excuse me?” Chan giggled, “Don’t psychobabble me. What even is that?”

Kairi laughed, “It’s this theory that if you accidentally say something wrong, you were thinking about it subconsciously. Most people are thinking about sex, so that’s what a lot of Freudian slips reveal”

“So what… you’re accusing me of wanting to sleep with Marilyn Monroe?” Chan frowned. She giggled, “No, I’m just saying that’s how it works, smartass. It usually reveals your repressed thoughts”

You glanced back at her, “Yeah. I guess that’s what this entire game is about. Although I really don’t think Freud has had the best ideas. Some of them are…really regressive” 

Kairi grinned at you, nodding aggressively and she was still tipsy from before, “You’re so right, honestly. Most of the people I played this game with had no idea what a Freudian slip was. You know, this is why we’re friends. You’re…so fucking cool. You’re just like me”

“Y/N is not just like you” Chan laughed loudly.

“Excuse me?” She gasped, offended, “You just met her. How would you even know what she’s like?”

Chan chuckled, “Yeah, but I’ve been hearing about her all summer—” He suddenly stopped, realising what he’d said. An awkward silence enveloped the car and you did everything not to look at Hyunjin. So… Chan had been hearing about you all summer. You knew Hyunjin had told the boys about you. You just wondered what he’d said. What did he know of you? Chan cleared his throat, embarrassed by his slip of the tongue, “I mean….never mind. Should we continue the game? Hyunjin. Why don’t you start?”

Hyunjin swallowed, adjusting his hands on the wheel, “Um. I don’t know. Sin?”

Your eyes widened at his word choice, and it was your turn to go next. Sin? What was he even thinking of? Your mind went through the seven deadly sins that you knew of, and you only had three seconds so you blurted, “Lust”

It was Chan’s turn now, and he blanked, eyes widening, “Uh…passion?”

You didn’t like this tangent of thought… and you waited for Kairi to say something. Chan teased, “Are you serious? You’re gonna lose”. She yelled, “Wait, wait. I know. Yearning!”

It was Hyunjin’s turn to play. His mouth parted, and he was about to say something, but instead he chose not to. He just shook his head, “I don’t know…I can’t really focus on the game when I’m driving”

Kairi sighed, “Can’t believe you lost on yearning, Hyunjin”

“Yeah. My mistake” He mumbled. His knuckles were white against the steering wheel. You didn’t really want to play this game anymore. You stared out the window, your reflection flickering in the window. You wanted to be home already, and not in this car where you felt like a stranger.

There was so much brevity and lightheartedness in the conversations between Chan and Kairi, and here you were…struggling to even get a proper hi out. You felt like a stranger, even to Kairi. You’d only known her for a few weeks, compared to them. The three of them felt like a unit, like a family that was finally complete again. Hyunjin had sang praises of their love, and you could see it now. It wasn’t anything grand or impossible, it was so casual and effortless. Kairi and Chan fit together like puzzle pieces, so perfectly, but even more than that, they enhanced each other so simply. There was no fear of misunderstandings, or betrayal. They were giggling in the back, laughing about some inside joke you’d never be able to understand. Perhaps you shouldn’t have accepted this ride. Kairi was your friend, but you weren’t really welcome here. You were an outsider. Chan must have wanted to keep the conversation going so he said, “So, Y/N, you were about to tell me about yourself when we got in the car” 

You swallowed, “Um, I didn’t know I was going to be doing that”

Kairi teased, “Yeah, Chan. I thought you knew all about her, and how me and her are so similar”

Chan giggled, “It was a figure of speech. No, but seriously, Y/N”

You bit your lip, and a deep sadness was overwhelming you. One you’d been trying to escape for months but it seemed impossible now. You’d genuinely enjoyed the party, until he’d showed up. He’d ruined everything. It had taken so long for you to not think about him. Now you felt like you were sinking again, “Um…what do you want to know? I came here to study art. There’s not really much to tell…You’re the one who has a really interesting life."

Chan frowned, “Come on. That’s not a real answer. I wanna know you, not answers you’d type in on some Facebook page”

You were at a loss for words, and you mostly just felt conscious around Hyunjin. You always hated introductions like this, and icebreakers, especially around someone you wanted to like you. Chan seemed amazing, he was brilliant so how could your little life possibly impress him? You’d done nothing that would have an impact on anyone, unlike them. Anything you say would be so boring. So you settled for a basic fact about yourself, a preface to your personality, “Well…I used to work in an art—”

“She’s a really good artist” Hyunjin suddenly interrupted you.

Your gaze snapped to his.

“Oh yeah?” Chan asked, surprised.

“Yup” Hyunjin cleared his throat, “She’s in the most prestigious program of the country” 

Chan smiled, “Wow. That’s…amazing, Y/N. You should be bragging about that stuff”

“There’s only like…25 people that get in from across the world” Hyunjin continued talking, staring right ahead so casually. There was a knot in your stomach, and he had the faintest of a smile on his face as he talked about you. It was more than he’d given you in the past hours, “She’s one of the few domestic students”

“What? You didn’t tell me that!” Kairi exclaimed, hand reaching out to tap you. But you were speechless, staring at Hyunjin. Why did he just do that?

“Well, now you’ve got to show me your art, Y/N!” Chan grinned, “Hyunjin’s got pretty high standards when it comes to those, so I’m curious”

You nodded, forcing a smile at him, “Yeah…um, maybe later”

“Well, I hope you taught Hyunjin something too” Chan laughed. 

Hyunjin nodded, and there was a hint of emotion as he spoke, “She did”

You chewed on your lower lip, fiddling with your jacket, thinking about his words, even long after he’d said them.

The barren highway enveloped the car in darkness, and the tiny GPS screen was the only light source. You stared ahead, watching the road lit up in the headlights, uncovering more of the unknown every second. There was nobody else out here. It was spooky, and you hated the feeling. You felt trapped in this metal contraption. Hyunjin’s fingers tapped lightly on the steering wheel, a familiar rhythm, probably calming his nerves down. The backseat noise had died down, and it seemed like the tiredness had finally hit Kairi. The only indication of passing time was the clock on the dashboard. You watched it tick down every second, hoping it would go faster. The city was still so far out. You leaned back onto the seat, watching trees whiz past in silence. Hyunjin was so quiet you’d almost think he fell asleep. The only surmountable sound was the heating, and the tapping of his fingers. You closed your eyes, hoping the time would pass faster.

You couldn’t help but think of what was waiting for you. There was no lingering excitement. This party had been the only thing you’d been looking forward to for a while. There was so much work back in class, starting Monday. Kim Jieong was expecting so much from you. You felt emotionally drained. He was your only motivation, pushing you to get better. After all, there was nothing else waiting for you back there. 

Suddenly Hyunjin cleared his throat, drawing your attention. From your peripheral vision, you saw him reach for the radio, fingers hovering over the console, and then he looked to you, “Um…mind if I put something on?”

You blinked, distracted by how he looked in the glow of the light. His glasses were thin, hanging on his nose bridge, and his lips were pursed. He’d bitten them raw. Maybe you weren’t the only one anxious in this car. You shook your head, “Go ahead”

He pressed a button, and life filled the previously stagnant car. An announcer was talking, probably at an all-night radio station, and you asked softly, “Wouldn’t this wake them up?”

Hyunjin looked at you again, over the rim of his glasses, eyes meeting yours for another torturous split second. In the dark, they looked like pools of black, a darkened gaze as he spoke, “Uh, don’t worry. I turned the speakers in the back off. It’s only the front ones that are working”

Oh. You didn’t even know that was possible. They obviously had access to the best cars with the best technologies. Music began playing, a rock band from the 80s, and you rest your head again, closing your eyes to savour in this newfound peace. It was strange to sit next to the man you desired the most yet have no conversation. For the past few months, it had been impossible to separate you, and the irony of this moment didn’t fail to surprise you. You’d come all the way to Seoul for him. Yet the only sound in the car was Bon Jovi on the radio. 

“Um—”

“So—” You and Hyunjin both spoke at the same time.

“Sorry,” You apologised, “What were you about to say?”

He glanced at you, hand reaching out to the radio again, and you noticed he had new rings on his finger. They looked so expensive, glittering sparkles, and he must have bought them recently. He seemed nervous and he spoke, “I can…uh, change the music if you don’t like it”

Your eyebrows shot up. That clearly wasn’t what he was going to say. “No, it’s nice. I like him”

He nodded, retreating his hand and putting it back on the console. You wondered about the unspoken, but wondering would only kill you. So you shut your eyes again, hands warm in your lap, wishing to be somewhere else. The tune was thrilling. 

“80’s music is actually one of my favourites”

You opened your eyes to look at him, “Really?”

“Yeah. I think….their songs are pretty incomparable. I actually got a lot of inspiration for our album from them. I don’t know if you heard it; it’s very pop-rock heavy, which isn’t what we usually do” He spoke, a nervous wavering in his voice, as if you two were just getting to know each other. 

You observed him, “Is that what you were going to say earlier?”

“Sorry?” He looked right at you, dark eyes flickering over your features. You felt conscious of how you looked. You were still in his sweater, and your hair was still wet from the swim. You said, “Um…you were about to say something but decided not to. Was that it?”

Realisation sank into his face, lips parting, “No, I was…going to ask you how you met Kairi”

“Oh…” Disappointment filled you. What were you expecting to be said? An apology would be nice actually. Something to start with. You were having trouble grasping that things between you and him were truly over. They couldn’t be. Hadn’t he only come into your life yesterday, uprooting everything you thought you knew about yourself? Or maybe you were just desperately clinging on to a summer dream that wasn’t real.

“Sorry. Should I not have asked?” Hyunjin said. 

“No, that’s fine. It was just a crazy coincidence. We were at a bar…me and my friends, and somebody spilled a drink on her, I just happened to be there. I offered to help her. Obviously…I didn’t know who she was. Later, I realised it was Kairi”

“That’s…” Hyunjin’s fingers adjusted on the steering wheel, he spaced them out, glancing at you again, “That’s really nice of you”

“Yeah”

“Are you cold?” He asked.

“What? Um, no.” You shook your head awkwardly. His sweater was keeping you plenty warm.

“Okay”

The silence drowned you again, and you focused on the song playing, replaying the previous conversation in your head, clinging to it for life.

“I…tried Gouache” 

It took you a second to register that Hyunjin was talking to you, again.

Why was he making an effort after what went down earlier? You’d argued and fought, and now he was…trying to be nice? Was he trying to make amends? Did he finally realise what an asshole he’d been? Or were his memories of summer coming back to him too? Because every time you looked at him, all you could remember was the calmness of each moment you’d spent with him, and how his skin had felt to touch, and how his body had felt against yours, warm and comforting. How could he not be thinking of that?

“Sorry?” You glanced at him. 

He straightened up, hands clasped before him, “I…taught myself Gouache. I hadn’t explored it much before, but I had some time between schedules last month and I decided to give it a shot”

You didn’t know what to say. Gouache was such a difficult pigmented paint medium to work with. You stayed quiet, which somehow… he took a sign to continue speaking, “It was hard…but I found the supplies and tried many styles with it. I couldn’t get it right for the longest time but then realised I had the wrong brushes. I…think I prefer it to watercolor”

“Are you serious?”

He glanced at you, almost surprised that you’d replied even though he had been telling you all of this. He nodded, his lips a thin line.

“Gouache can never have the same effect, or…even replace watercolours. It’s…so much more intense. It loses all of its softness” You ended up saying.

“Have you worked with it before?”

“In class. I do all the time” You answered, “I don’t like it. I prefer acrylics or oil”

Hyunjin nodded, eyes zeroed in on you again, “Do you have the freedom to choose?”

“Choose what?”

“The material you want to paint with” He stated, simply. 

“Yeah. It’s up to us” You said.

Hyunjin just nodded, and then silently turned away. As did you. Queen was playing on the radio now, and you liked this song. Somebody to Love. It seemed like Hyunjin enjoyed this song too, because he reached ahead, his bracelets clinking together and he increased the volume just slightly. You glanced in the rearview mirror, and Kairi and Chan were still asleep, cuddled up to each other. Hyunjin was softly singing, under his breath, but he knew all the words. His voice brought a strange calmness to your body, warming it up.

“I can’t believe you tried Gouache” You mumbled, still thinking about it. You didn’t want to initiate conversation with him, not after everything he’d done to your heart. But you were so curious. It was really hard to work with, especially if someone was a beginner.

“Can I show you something?” He asked.

“What?”

He looked at you, a newfound energy in him, “The…paintings I’ve been working on”

“Unless you’re going to pull over—”

“They’re in my phone. You can just…see them there”

You glanced at his phone that lay on the console.

“Um…are you sure?” You reached for his phone, and it was strange that he completely trusted you with it.

“Yeah. I don’t mind. There’s nothing I have to hide from you. The password…I can just type it in” He grabbed it from you, entering random numbers that you couldn’t grasp the significance of, before handing his unlocked phone back to you. The wallpaper was a pretty sunset. You recognised the landscape instantly. It must have been the pictures he took on the Ferris wheel with Seungmin, back at the summer carnival. Memories of that flooded through you. It had been a perfect day. You recalled the photobooth pictures that lay in your sketchbook, Hyunjin had put them there for you to find. You still didn’t understand why, or how he got a hold of them. As far as you knew, he’d deleted them in front of your eyes. You glanced at him; his eyebrows were knitted as he concentrated on driving, still occasionally mouthing the words to the song. You may never get this chance again. “How’d you get those pictures?” You broke the silence.

It took him a second to comprehend your question, and he turned casually, “Hmm?”

In this angle, confusion on his face, nose scrunched up, he looked so tame, so innocent. You already wished to take back what you’d said, in case it ruin this strange peace. It was too late to back up now as he stared at you so you said, “In my sketchbook, I found the photobooth strip. The pictures of us kissing. I…thought you deleted them”

His eyes widened, and he turned back to the road, voice dropping low, “Oh… It doesn’t really matter, Y/N”

His response irked you. It reminded you again that this was futile, whatever you chased for with Hyunjin. “Yeah. It doesn’t” You agreed, looking back at his phone in your hands. You opened up his picture gallery. Everything was divided into little folders, and his entire life was so organised. If you were his girlfriend, would there be a folder for you in it too? You clicked on the one which was so fittingly named ‘Art’. You were annoyed at him but you couldn’t pretend, “Oh. These are…really good, Hyunjin”

He clearly gravitated towards drawing flowers and landscapes. Some of them were familiar, most of them were new. There were so many pictures of flowers, at all stages. He must be drawing from life. It seemed like he’d developed a lot of art ever since he’d come back. They were all so intense and bold, no softness to them that watercolour provided. You’d always thought that Gouache was something in between watercolour and acrylic, a strange midway compromise, yet Hyunjin had made masterpieces out of it, “You did all of these in Gouache?”

He only nodded in response, as you scrolled through the gallery.

“You’re crazy” You said.

Hyunjin let out a laugh, “You really hate it that much?”

“It’s just difficult to work with, but you’re actually really great at these” You stared at the art, and how his technique had improved. All his lines were more confident, pronounced, bolder. He’d gotten so much better in your absence. You’d only gotten worse in his.

“So…how’s the apprenticeship going? Is Kim Jieong as nice as you thought?” He asked. You put his phone back on the console, even though you urged to see everything he’d felt worth storing in his phone. He had asked you a question so you tried to focus on that, “Yeah. He’s really nice. He is so talented. I, um, asked him about the painting, by the way. The one we were talking about”

“The one about the lovers drowning in moonlight?”

You nodded, hands feeling jittery, unable to stomach this casual conversation, “Yup. He was surprised it was my favourite. He thinks I have morbid taste. And… the day he took us to your work building, he wanted us to meet some gallery curator”

“Must have been Karina”

“You know her?” You glanced at him, hoping your face didn’t give anything away. How petty of you to be jealous that he knew another girl. Another artist at that. 

“She’s the prodigy I was telling you about. She wants me to…exhibit some of my work at a gallery next month”

Your eyes widened, and you fiddled with the zipper on the jacket, “Oh. That’s…a big deal. Are you allowed to do that?”

He looked at you, “Yeah, the company and Eunwoo’s really supportive. The fans love it, so he thinks it’s a great stream of revenue and publicity. Any press is good press. He couldn’t care less about the art” 

“Right” You nodded, watching him, “Well, maybe Kim Jieong will make it a field trip for us again. Your exhibition”

Hyunjin’s lips tugged into a smile, “That’d be really embarrassing. I wouldn’t want all your professional artist friends to judge my work”

“Well…they’re not as pretentious as you might think. My friends…they’re really nice. Everybody’s not bad. I mean…it was hard settling in, but…I think I like it now” You were rambling, without meaning to share so much with him. Maybe you’d just been craving to have a real conversation with him all this while. After all, he was the only person in your life who understood, “And Kim Jieong is my favourite part of it anyway. Even if everybody sucks. I look up to him a lot. He…even calls me sweetheart. It always throws me off” 

“Isn’t that a bit inappropriate?”

You frowned, not expecting that response, “No…he has different nicknames for everyone”

“I see” His reply was curt, like he didn’t believe that. He cleared his throat, “And um…your friends? The other students? Are they cool?”

“I mean, you’ve already met Jeonghan”

“Is that the boy who you were dancing with?”

“Yeah, that’s him”

Hyunjin stayed quiet for a minute and then he said, “He has two left feet”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry” He chuckled dryly, “When you were dancing with him, he almost dropped you…like ten times”

“He only came to the party for me, because I didn’t know anybody. Don’t make fun of him. He was kind of the best part of my day”

“I’m not making fun of him. It’s just an observation” Hyunjin mumbled, but there was a teasing glint in his eyes and he looked at you, “And I saw your face. You were worried he’d drop you too”

“I was not” Your eyes narrowed, but a stupid smile tugged at your lips, “Anyway. You’re one to talk. You’re probably worse”

He laughed properly this time, looking at you over his glasses, “Oh, am I?”

You shrugged, “We’ve never danced together so it could be true”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m a professional dancer, Y/N” His tone was cocky.

You sighed, facing away to look out, “Ugh. Do you always have to bring up the idol card?”

“The idol card?” He repeated, “That’s my job, what do you mean?”

“Just seems like an unfair advantage”

Hyunjin chuckled, “Fine. Okay. Even if I wasn’t a professional dancer, I bet I’d still be able to take Jeonghan in a dance battle”

“I’m starting to think that you’re obsessed with him…”

Hyunjin laughed, “I guess I see why you chose him now”

Your gaze darted to his, “What?”

You arrived at a railway crossing. The signal was loud, and he stopped the car, foot on the brake as he slowed down. “He is your boyfriend…isn’t he?” He said, so surely. 

You stared at him, wondering how he could ask that so casually, so unaffected. You’d probably die if Hyunjin had a girlfriend. Did he think you’d move on so fucking fast? You woke and fell asleep to the thought of him every day still, months later. You thought of him every waking second. Maybe you should take a book out of Hyunjin’s ability to be vague, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

He looked at you, eyes heavy with emotion. He swallowed, “Yeah. I am”

You stared right back at him, heart pounding fast, “Yeah. I am dating him”

“Oh” He shifted in his seat, “That’s nice…how long have you known him?”

You couldn’t believe he could be so…casual about it. You looked out, “It doesn’t matter”

Hyunjin nodded, “Well. For what it’s worth, Nate seems like a nice guy”

You just couldn’t comprehend how the fuck he could be so casual about this. As if you two had just been an inconvenient situationship and your lives and souls hadn’t completely intertwined this summer. As if you’d just move away, and get a new boyfriend and fall in love. As if you could ever truly move on from Hyunjin. As if he didn't know that you'd been in love with him this whole time. It wasn’t that simple. It could never be.

“So…you really don’t give a fuck?”

“I’m sorry?” He looked at you, feigning innocence, “About what?”

You could have said so many things. Bitterness clawed out of you. “Well, for what it’s worth, Nate’s a great kisser”

His eyes widened, and he nodded, voice falling low, “I’m sure he is”

You couldn’t stop. You wanted your words to stab him like little knives he’d dug into your skin all this while, “And for what it’s worth, I actually trust him” 

Hyunjin tensed up, fists clenching at the wheel. The train was just passing by, and the signal was so loud but you knew he heard you. “I’m…glad you trust him” He ended up saying. 

You watched him, observing every micro-expression. You could have played along, egged him on, made him believe it. He should hurt too, like you were, but you couldn’t wrap your head around this. Was it really so easy for him to move on? He was pretending like nothing ever affected him. Were you seriously the only one who had been invested in the two of you? You let out a laugh, “So that’s it?”

“What?” He looked at you.

“You don’t care? You really think I would just date…a random guy from my class? Because if you think that, you don’t—”

His brows shot up, “I’m sorry, so you’re not dating him? Why would you tell me you were?” 

“Do you care if I was?”

He frowned, eyebrows furrowing, “Seriously? You know I still care about you, right?”

It pissed you off. He had no right to say something like that when he didn’t give a fuck about you. He had just abandoned you, with no intention of ever making up things, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. I mean…everything you’ve done to me the past few months has shown me quite the opposite. That you don’t care”

His eyes widened, “Everything I’ve done to you?”

A scoff escaped you, and you were losing it, “I’m sure you had your reasons for never wanting to talk to me again. I, personally, would have just liked a goodbye or an explanation before you decided to leave. That’s just me though. But you know what? Maybe I read too much in what happened this summer”

He swallowed, shifting to look at you, “Look, it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. I didn’t know how to explain and I thought that you would understand—”

How the fuck could he expect you to understand? Your voice shot up, and everything you'd wondered over the past few months bubbled to the surface, “You…pushed me away, Hyunjin. You completely got rid of me! I’m sure you had your reasons, but I wasn’t okay. I’m still not fucking okay. It was a complete asshole move to block me for months with no explanation. I didn’t even know you’re capable of something like that, but you know what, it sucks to find out. In my head, I built you up to be some angel on a fucking pedestal. That was obviously my mistake” 

He swallowed, adam's apple bobbing, and you could see him grappling with what to say. It felt good to render him speechless. It took away from your embarrassment of knowing that Kairi and Chan could probably hear each second of this conversation. 

“Things were always going to end this way. You knew that, Y/N” The way he spoke pissed you off, like he had a rehearsed answer in his head and no real fucking emotions. Why could he just not tell you what he truly felt? Why was he trying so hard to be someone he was not?

A dry chuckle escaped you, and it was better you take out your anger on him because you felt like crying with each word you said, “No, I didn’t know that. if I knew that you were just going to disappear, I would have preferred never to know you”

His gaze burned through you, “Y/N…”

Somebody suddenly knocked on Hyunjin’s window, and you shook away your building tears. It was an officer, and Hyunjin rolled down the window, “Yes?”

He leaned in, not knowing what he was interrupting, “Excuse me? The signal’s running at a delay. There’s going to be a ten minute hold-up”

Hyunjin nodded, “Oh okay”

He rolled the window back up, and looked back at you. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't even look at him. You hated him and his fucking nonchalance. You swallowed, “I need some air”

Before he could say something, you opened the door, stepping out. There would be a delay anyway, and hardly any cars were behind you. You walked to the side of the street, taking in a breath, willing yourself to not start fucking cry.

Another car door slammed shut behind you, and Hyunjin followed you out.

“Y/N—” He said, walking around the car, following you to the side.

Your emotions were brimming to the top, and you couldn’t keep it in. It would be petty, mean, childish but you deserved to get some answers.

You turned around, voice raising, “If I hadn’t moved to the city, you would have never met me again” It wasn’t a question. You knew he had no plans of returning to town anytime this century, “And you were just okay with that? With never seeing me again?”

He closed his eyes, his body towering over you, “It’s…not that simple”

“Yeah. It is. You didn’t even think I was worth an explanation…or a proper goodbye?”

“I…didn’t know what to say. You just have to believe when I say I’m doing this for your own good”

“Really?” You scoffed, “You expect me to believe that…? You could’ve said anything.  Anything would have been better than what I got. Just tell me what's going on, please”

“Anything I said would have hurt you” His voice was shaking, like he was going to cry. How could he ever explain that he had picked his life over you? That you were the sacrifice he had decided to make?

You loved him, and you couldn’t bear to be the reason he cried but you had so many questions. Your voice was loud, in disbelief and frustration, “How is this any different? You cut me out of your life like it was nothing”

“It wasn’t nothing. It was just as hard for me as—”

“No, I’m not done talking. After losing you, moving to the city was the hardest thing I ever did. Leaving Daejon behind, all my friends…the only life I knew, and this place where I don’t really fit perfectly, but I’m trying so hard to. It is so hard. The only thing I love…I can’t even love that anymore because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you when I’m painting! It’s not fair. You had a choice, Hyunjin. I didn’t” Your voice broke.

“Before I saw you in the shop, I was this close to calling you up” He held up a small gap between his fingers, “I just…always ended up talking myself out of it”

A scoff escaped you, at the ridiculousness of his response, “I really have a hard time believing that”

“I don’t expect you to believe me anyway” He mumbled. You stared at him, crossing your arms, wondering how everything led to this, “I thought you were different, Hyunjin, from every other guy I’ve known in my life… but you…”

He stepped closer to you, running a hand through his hair, “What was I supposed to say to you, Y/N? That I never want to see you again? Do you think that would be easy for me to say?”

“I don’t know, Hyunjin! I don’t fucking know, but anything would have been better than what I got, because the person I knew would never have acted this drastically. So, were you just pretending in Daejon? Or are you pretending now? Because I’m having a real hard time telling who the real you is, Hyunjin—”

His eyes widened at those words, as if they personally struck him. He grabbed your hands, pulling you closer to him in the process, “Y/N— Stop. I’m not…I never pretended with you”

His grip on you was firm, but enough that you could let go if you wanted. You looked up at him, and you were already so emotional, “Then why are you being so cold? You’ve been acting like you don’t care, but I don’t even know if you’re acting anymore. I feel like…I never saw the real you. That’s what you’re making me believe”

His closed his eyes, shaking his head at your words like they were the worst thing he could hear, “I’m sorry”

Your eyebrows knitted together, voice fading, “For…what?”

“For…changing my number and not telling you” He swallowed, and his hands held yours in between them like a prayer, “For…trying to push you away. For ignoring you in the shop”

His eyes glimmered with incoming tears, but he cleared his throat, and blinked them away, “I’m sorry I didn’t apologise until today”

You swallowed. You’d been waiting for an apology this whole time, but your heart still hurt. There wasn’t any explanation. You couldn’t…just believe him. Your heart squeezed so bad, it felt like a heart attack. You blinked away tears.

“There’s…a lot I want to talk to you about, but I can’t do it here” He swallowed, and there was a cloud of smoke when he talked, it was freezing outside but your heart felt dead, “You just have to believe me when I say I’m doing this for your own good”

“I don’t understand…”

He closed his eyes, and the train at the signal crossing was still passing, giving you a few more moments of his vulnerability, “I’ve told you before. If we didn’t stop talking when we did…it would have led to something more that I can’t deny. I’m not going to regret my choices because I know why I made them. And that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I will always fucking care about you, it’s insane to even think anything else but…I can’t be in your life, and you can’t be in mine”

Tears threatened to shoot up, but you had some dignity clinging on so you said, “Then what is this? Why are you still being nice to me, making conversation? Why did you show up tonight? Why are you driving me home? If you don’t want me in your life, then just…stay out of it, Hyunjin”

He blinked, glossy eyes, and suddenly the car behind you honked. The train had passed, and you were free to cross.

His voice was shaking and this was the most emotion you’d seen in him in months, “I…couldn’t leave you at the party. It’s not safe…of course I had to drive you home. I would go insane if something happened to you”

You ripped your hands away from him, “Then I guess it’s a good thing that it’s not your responsibility anymore”

»»————-

The rest of the ride was fucking horrible. You stared out the window the entire time, and Hyunjin didn’t say anything else. Maybe it really was over now. What was left to salvage? You don’t know how much Kairi and Chan had heard, but it didn’t matter anyway. They were probably getting back together, which meant you couldn’t be a part of this anymore. If Kairi started hanging out with Chan again, you would obviously not be invited. Not after they witnessed you being such a bitch to their best friend. They were friends first, after all. You were the stranger.

“The next right turn” You mumbled, as you approached the street you lived on. Hyunjin brought the car to a stop. They were now awake in the backseat. You didn’t even know what to say. You unbuckled your seatbelt, grabbing your bag of things, avoiding eye contact with anybody, “Thank you for the ride home”

“I can walk you home” Chan offered.

“I’ll be fine. It’s a minute away” You replied, holding your bag to your chest.

“It’s really late out” Chan replied, insisting. You didn’t want to argue with him any further. The longer you argued, the longer you’d have to stay in this car, next to Hyunjin. He was looking at you, but he was pretending real hard not to. The eyes flickering back and forth, it couldn’t fool you. You’d become an expert on all things him. These secretive glances were all you had back then, so how could you not notice them now?

“Don’t worry about it, Chan” You replied, shooting them a smile so they believed you. Chan nodded, and you glanced at Kairi. She looked tired, but she was in his arms, so she was clearly very happy. She smiled warmly, and you wonder if they’d heard you breaking down. Her voice was soft and sweet, and she grabbed your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “Thank you for a perfect birthday, Y/N. You had a good time?”

“Of course.” You nodded. You were suffocating in here. You reached for the doorknob, but then you heard Hyunjin’s voice, “Good luck with class”

You couldn’t see the look in his eyes, but you’d die for it. You stepped out into the cold, glancing briefly back, “Yeah. Thanks.”

It didn’t matter because he had already looked away. It’s like he couldn’t bear to see you anymore.

»»————-

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your neighbour, Jeongin, stood in the doorway. You had been standing in the cold for a while, staring at the spot the car had been. It had driven off a while ago, but you could still picture it where it stood. The humming of the engine, the heat, the stupid 80s music stuck in your head. You had been so mean to him. He didn’t deserve it.

You looked at him in surprise, “You’re awake?”

“I work on European time” He shrugged, leaning against the doorway. It was freezing cold, and you could feel it in your bones. It had never been this way back home. “Let’s just go inside” You spoke.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea” He smiled, pulling you in by your arm, “I was wondering how the party went”

You followed him up the stairs, feeling like a zombie in each step, “It was good. I missed you at it. You should have come”

“I’m sure Nate kept you plenty company” Jeongin laughed, “Are you going to go to sleep now?”

It was almost six am, and the sun was rising. You don’t think you could fall asleep with these thoughts in your head. You glanced at him, “Why? You got something in mind?”

He grinned, like he'd been waiting for you to ask him this. And so you spent the dawn with Jeongin, in his cosy apartment, struggling over a 1000-piece puzzle and downing the red wine he’d brought you. He didn’t ask you any questions, which was nice. You wouldn’t even know where to start. He was sweet and he was always smiling, telling you about his work and all the new video games he’d bought. You prolonged everything, asking more questions, anything to keep the focus on him. You didn’t want to go back to your empty apartment and face your thoughts.

“How long have you been living here?” You asked. The window in his apartment was bigger than yours, facing out at the busy street, as the city woke up and came back to life.

“Almost my entire life. Moved here when I was twelve” He told you. You couldn’t bring yourself to be excited about this anymore, or about anything else. You missed your friends, the familiarity and comfort of them. You missed the diner, and it’s cheap coffee.

“Does it ever get easy?”

He laughed, “Honestly, no. Seoul…is hard to fall in love with, but once you do…you never go back”

You sighed, placing the final piece of the puzzle. You missed your art shop. It had always kept you safe and happy. If you knew it was going to be this hard leaving that behind, you would have thought twice, “I think…some people probably never get used to it. That makes me sad”

“Yeah?” He asked, “But you’re used to it now, aren’t you? You once told me it was written in the stars for you to come here”

“I don’t know if I believe in that anymore”

He relaxed on his couch, “I’m sure things will change. You’ll find something worth staying for”

You shrugged, pushing the puzzle to the side and it fell apart, all the pieces getting jumbled up. He didn’t complain about you ruining your hours worth of hard work. He just watched you grapple with your thoughts. You looked up at him, feeling hollow inside, “I think I made a mistake, Jeongin”

»»————-

Kairi had apparently found the best dessert shop in the city. She had pleaded you for hours until you’d decided to come. There were no seats inside the place, it was so busy, and so you and Kairi sat on a patio table outside. You looked around, as you swirled your hot coffee around. There were no leaves on the trees anymore. Winter had finally come.

“I’m going to bring Chris this when he gets back” She spoke, through a mouthful of brownie, “He doesn’t really have a sweet tooth, but I know he will love this. I once baked the boys this cake for Jisung’s birthday, and Chris said he hated it, but I saw him eat all the leftovers later. He literally stole mine too!” She laughed.

“When he’s back from where?”

“Oh, right. They’re in Japan. They had a flight the morning after my birthday, remember? Well, they’re supposed to show up at an event in Tokyo, and then they come back home for a few days, until they go back again. It’s the end of the season so there’s a bunch of award shows” She told you, sprinkling sugar crystals into her coffee. You didn’t know that they were in an entirely different country, “Must be hard. All the flying back and forth”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink, “Not really. They’re used to it at this point. It’s tiring, but…in their line of work, they have to learn to adjust”

Maybe that was your biggest flaw. You couldn’t adjust. To a different life, to new friends, to a new bed. To a life without him. 

“I’m sorry if I ruined your birthday”

Her eyes widened, and she kept her cup of coffee down, “What are you talking about? You’re the one that made it perfect. You made it happen in the first place!”

“Yeah, but…” You trailed off, feeling embarrassed, “You must have heard us”

She swallowed, “I didn’t hear anything. It wasn’t my business to.”

You looked up at her, “Chan must hate me”

“What? Why would he?”

You looked down, “I’m…an asshole”

She reached ahead, grabbing your hand, “No one thinks you’re an asshole”

You let out a sigh, and you didn’t believe her, but there was no point arguing. 

The next week, the boys flew back home. You only knew because Kairi told you. She had been counting down the days till they returned. She invited you out to a small get-together, but they would all be there. You said no. 

Slowly, all your plans with Kairi became into plans with Kairi and Chan. You wouldn’t mind at all, because you loved Chan. You just hated that he almost always came with Hyunjin. So you never went to any of those. He would be grateful. He probably never wanted to see you again either. Your time with Kairi became divided. You didn’t blame her. She was in love, and you wouldn’t deny her any time with him. It became obvious how much happier she was around him.

A week later, you realised you still had Hyunjin’s sweater that he’d given to you at the party. So, you washed it and returned it to Kairi, hoping he wasn’t angry that you kept it with you for so long. You’d truthfully forgotten. You wouldn’t want to keep anything of his longer than you had to anyway. 

»»————-

Nate was staring in awe at your painting. It was balanced on the easel, and you stood next to it, embarrassed at the attention it got. Nate laughed in disbelief, “Holy shit. That’s…beautiful. When did you get the time to make that?”

It was show-and-tell day. You were almost in the middle of your semester, and you were supposed to display your best work in class. You looked back at your painting. Ever since Kairi’s birthday, you hadn’t left your room. You’d been fixated on this. There was only one good thing left for you here, and it was this opportunity. You’d do anything to grasp at it, and maybe all your sadness and heartbreak had ended up being perfect inspiration. You had been endlessly inspired, each brushstroke came to you so easily. Perhaps all good art did come from suffering. Your best work to date you’d done when feeling your worst. You’d sniffled, and cried and fought your way through it.

“I…found time” You shrugged. Your hands were folded behind your back as you explained it to every single person who passed it. All the easels were set up in a circle, and it was almost like those expensive Château classes you could never afford to go to. Nate smiled at you, tilting his head, “You’re so mysterious. It suits you”

“I’m really not trying to be” You replied, “It just…came to me”

His eyes trailed over you. You’d tried to dress your best, an outfit you’d bought off the fancy boutiques, and it had cost you a fortune but none of your own clothes would fit the vibe. Nate’s voice dropped, “Is it weird if I say that you being coy is a turn-on?” 

You smiled at him, wondering why his words had no effect on you. He made you feel wanted. He flirted with you endlessly. He was attracted to you. He actually wanted to talk to you. 

But you knew that was all. He didn’t want to date you. He certainly didn’t have any intentions of a relationship. Perhaps, you didn’t want to just be wanted anymore. 

“Mmh. It’s…a little weird” You teased him.

Kim Jieong approached you, and you straightened up, pulling Nate to the side. He glanced at your painting, and he certainly looked impressed. There was a small smile on his lips, and he was observing your art with all the focus in the world, “How many hours did you spend on this?”

“Maybe…twenty”

He laughed at your feeble attempt of lying, “That looks like…it took a hundred, at the least. Is it all you did this week?”

You nodded, “That’s what I’m here for”

He looked at your painting again, “As your professor, I have to say that I wish you hadn’t sacrificed sleep for this, but…” He leaned in closer, voice dropping, “This is exactly why I picked you, sweetheart”

Your eyes widened, not used to this proximity, but you felt so special. He hadn’t said this to anybody else. He was far too close to you, but you blinked at him, “Are you proud of me?”

He laughed, lifting a finger up, “You’re not there yet”

Your face fell.

“I’ll be proud of you if you can get that done in a day” He smiled wide, hands clasped behind his back, “You should start preparing for next week. I want you to make something special. If you win, it’d mean a lot for you, Y/N”

You nodded, remembering the assignment. The best painting in the class would be chosen for a prize. A scholarship, and the chance to get your work displayed in Seoul Museum of Art. It would certainly make everything much easier, taking the burden off you, and you’d also get a perfect start. You would finally be able to prove your worth here.

»»————-

You’d been painting all day, and your clothes were ruined with stains. You were working on the assignment for next week, it had to be perfect to win, and you hadn't got much sleep, completely immersing yourself into this. In a little break, you laid on your couch, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the call to go through. Yeonjun picked up your phone call, and he sounded so happy on the other end. It had been a while since you’d talked to him and he apologised, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy with work. There was a company retreat last week, and we went out to these cabins in the woods. It was straight from a horror movie, and there was no network there. I took some pictures for you though”

“How did it go? That sounds nice, to be away from everything”

He laughed, “It was. I missed you though. But…I have some news to tell you…something happened”

“Yeah?”

“Remember the girl from my work I said was cute? She…kissed me. We actually, ended up making out in the hot tub. It was really fucking nice” You could imagine him smiling on the other end, and it warmed your heart. You sat up, smiling, “Are you serious? That’s so…amazing. So…you guys made out? Is that all that happened?”

He laughed on the other end, “No. We…slept together. Every night of the retreat”

Your eyes widened, “You’re kidding me. So, you really really like this girl”

“I mean, yeah, things with her are so…simple and easy. She gets me, and she’s so fun to be around. Sometimes that’s just how it has to be”

You thought of the polaroids on his desk of Hana, “Did she never ask about the pictures on your work desk?”

Yeonjun laughed nervously, “I…ended up taking those down. It’s easier to move on that way. I mean, I won’t ever be over her, but…it’s a start”

“Yeah. You’re probably right”

“I may have discovered a new kink about myself” He joked, “I have an urge to just move to that cabin and live in that hot tub forever”

You smiled, “Maybe you should”

“How about you though?”

“Well…I’ve been trying to make my magnum opus. If I have the best painting in class, I get to win this insane amount of money for a scholarship, and…it’ll be perfect”

“Well, you’re obviously going to win. I already know you’re the best in class”

You smiled, “I appreciate your faith in me…I think I’m going to start working on it in the classroom. It’s going to be a really big canvas, and there’s not much space in my apartment”

“That makes sense. And um, I wanted to ask, how are things with…Hyunjin? Did you guys ever talk after you saw him in the shop?”

You lay back down, and the lie was on easy on your tongue, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since then”

“Wow. He…hasn’t even reached out to you?”

You shrugged, echoing his words from before, “I don’t care. It’s easier to move on that way”

»»————-

Your canvas lay across multiple tables, occupying most of the space in your classroom. You’d joined them all together, it had taken a lot of strength, but it was worth it. Now, you sat on top of the paper cross-legged in the center. It was easier to work this way, as if the entire floor was your painting. You hope you weren’t breaking any rules by being in the classroom after hours. You’d just wanted some time to work on your painting, and you weren’t exactly inspired at your place. Your anger from the past few days had manifested into this; an insane obsession to make this your best work ever. You would prefer that over sadness. This, after all, was the only reason you’d come here. Not for him. It was almost midnight, and you scooted across the canvas, filling in more details of your sketch. Your plan was far too ambitious, but you were going to have to go all out to win the contest. It was the only thing you cared about right now.

“I didn’t know anybody was in here” The voice made you jump. Nobody was supposed to come in here right now, the building was shut down. You glanced up, watching Kim Jieong walk in, and you smiled at him, “Professor. Hi”

His eyes narrowed in on your silhouette, and a familiar smile across his face, “Oh, it’s you. What…in god’s name are you doing on top of the tables?”

“Um, my canvas is pretty big, so I thought it’d be easier to work like this” You explained. He laughed loudly, “You’re adorable, Y/N. You know that?”

You sat back down comfortably, realising he would let you stay here, “Um. Thank you, professor”

He looked around, “Oh, please don’t let me interrupt you. Why is it so dark in here though? I can hardly see you"

Adjusting your canvas and brushes around it, you spoke, “I like it that way. I think much better in the dark, the lights were too bright. Plus, the moonlight looks really nice”

You think he smiled at your words but you couldn’t tell in the dark. You could barely see him, just his silhouette and you heard him laugh. You heard his footsteps as he approached his own desk, “So, we’re far from the final project. I’m curious why you’re in the studio”

You bit your lip, feeling anxious about all this effort you were putting in, “I’m working on the contest painting. The scholarship…I really want to try my best. I also don’t work too well at my apartment, I thought maybe I could work here”

“When I got a notification that a student was still in the studio, I was curious. I had to cut my dinner short”

“Oh” You blinked, feeling guilty, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it notified you…”

“Of course, it’s for the safety of our students” He smiled, stepping towards your workspace, “Would you indulge me in what you’re working on…or is it a surprise?”

Your canvas wasn’t ready to show, “I’d prefer if you see it when it’s finished”

He laughed, and asked, “May I sit next to you?”

“Oh, you won’t be getting back to your dinner?” You asked, looking up at him.

“No, I’d like to stay here with you”

He was perhaps the only person in the world you wanted to be around right now, so you didn’t mind. His presence would calm and comfort you, “Of course. That’d be fine with me, professor”

He pulled a stool up close to your workspace. The greenhouse-studio was deathly quiet and he inched closer to your table. You stared at your big sketch, “I’m really sorry about interrupting your dinner. I thought it’d be fine if I let myself in”

“Don’t apologise, sweetheart. My wife was pretty tired anyway. Just gave us a reason to end the night early”

He was at dinner with his wife? You didn’t even know he was married, but he was in his late thirties so it made sense. You continued adding details, but you couldn’t focus when he was observing you so close. Thankfully the dark could conceal your expressions and embarrassment. You ought to feel proud. The greatest artist in the country was here to watch you paint.

“Have you…eaten dinner yet?” You heard him ask. You glanced up, gesturing to the side of the classroom where your leftovers lay, “Yeah, I had some chinese takeout. Although when I’m painting, I don’t get hungry for hours.”

He just hummed in response. You were grateful that your mentor wanted to sit with you so badly that he skipped dinner with his wife. But the other part disliked the supervision, and you did want some alone time. Still, he was the greatest living artist, so you’d learn to adjust to it. After everything that had happened, he was also your only hope of making it big in the city. He was the sole reason you were still here, spending thousands just to stay in Seoul so you could attend the classes. You looked at him, and he was admiring you while you worked, so you said, “I might be here all night. I wouldn’t want to keep you"

He frowned, “I don’t mind staying. I could get some work done too”

“Oh…sure” You looked back at your sketch, erasing off a mistake. He stood up, walking towards the cabinet, sifting through canvases. Usually, you weren’t awkward around him, but right now it was really late and you were tired to make small talk. But it’d be weirder if you just stayed quiet. You felt a need to fill in the silence with anything, “So, Professor, um…your wife. How did you meet her?”

He shrugged in your peripheral vision, not particularly excited to answer, “The usual. We were high school sweethearts. Got married as soon as we graduated. I was too focused on my art to pursue other women anyway”

You nodded. Well, that made it even more awkward. So you kept going, “Right. Wow. High school, that’s really cool. Was she…any of the inspirations for your paintings?”

“Some of them, yes”

“That’s really nice.” You smiled, sketching out the boundaries for the stars. The idea for this painting had come to you after waking from a dreamless sleep. You’d ended up researching for it for hours, making sure you were portraying accurate art. You couldn’t wait to present your concept next week.

“What about you?” He asked.

“Sorry?” 

“You have a boyfriend?”

You blinked, a nervous laugh escaping you, “Um…not currently. I’m also…I guess, trying to focus on my art, and build a career from it”

He smiled at you, crossing his arms, “Guess we’re more alike than I thought”

You looked back at your canvas as he walked closer to you, “The temptation to understand your sketch is a lot. Can you give me a hint as to what it’s about?”

You slid your sketchbook towards him, where you’d drawn up a miniature version of the sketch, “All I can tell you now is that it’s…a landscape, inspired by my time in the city so far. I was walking home the other night and I couldn’t help but notice the night sky. I’ve always liked it, and I know it’s been overdone in art, but I wanted to explore a new side of it. Someone once told me that there’s no stars in the city, which just…sounds so sad. I was thinking along the lines of that. What do you think so far?”

He pushed his glasses up, a proud smile on his face, “I think that…I’m incredibly lucky to have you. I can't wait to see what you'll do with this”

Your eyes widened, unsure how to respond, “Um…I mean, we’re the lucky ones. We get to study under you, Professor”

He laughed, his voice echoing through the empty studio, “Stop calling me Professor. I think you and me are way past that, don’t you?”

“It’s…only appropriate.” You frowned, going back to work. That was weird. You don't think you would feel comfortable calling him by his first name. And then, you felt another stupid need to fill in the prolonged silence. He was here watching you after all, you could just ask him all the things you’d wondered for years, “Um, I wanted to ask. The painting about the moons. Celestial Fatality. Did you paint that when you were in college?”

He hummed mindlessly, not really answering your question, then he grabbed your sketchbook off the table. Eyebrows furrowed, he stared at it, "I think you can work on your perspective, but these are nice. These hands. You’ve drawn them countless times”

“Yeah” You felt embarrassed, and climbed off the table so you could also see what he was looking at, “It’s a friend from back home”

“Did you draw these from observation?” He asked, as you joined him at his side.

“Hmm. He really wanted me to draw his hands,” You said, recalling the time Hyunjin made you observe them.

Kim Jieong laughed, “Can’t blame him”

A nervous laugh escaped you at those words, “Yeah.” What did he mean by that? You reached to get your sketchbook back. Instead of handing it to you though, he sat down on the desk, turning the pages of your book, “These ones are pretty good too”

“Yeah” You nodded, taking a seat next to him, unsure of what to do, “I made those a while ago”

As he turned another page, something drifted out, landing on the floor. Your eyes widened, and you reached for it. The photobooth strip pictures of you and Hyunjin. You felt embarrassed, but thankfully, Kim Jieong didn’t notice or see them fall out. You grabbed them, hiding them between your palms on your lap. There was nothing wrong with him seeing them, but…it was embarrassing and stupid to carry around pictures of a boy who wasn’t even your boyfriend. 

“You’re very talented” Kim Jieong spoke again, voice dropping low.

“Oh…thank you. It means a lot hearing it from someone like you” 

He finally put your sketchbook to the side, looking right at you. He did look kind of intimidating in this light, towering over you, “This scholarship means a lot to you?”

You swallowed, feeling embarrassed, “Yeah. I could use the help. It’s an expensive life here, and I’d really appreciate it. Plus, the exhibition would be a great kickstart to…a career”

“The others don’t need the scholarship. They just want it so they can win” He said, then leaned forward, “Don’t the rich kids get on your nerves sometimes? They don’t act out of necessity, but you…” He pointed a soiled paintbrush at you, “You’re wonderful because… you’re desperate”

“I’m sorry?”

“Desperate to be seen, and respected. As an artist, I mean. I don’t mean that badly, but all great inventions are born out of necessity. I think that’s why you stand out from the rest”

You didn’t know how to take this compliment, “I guess”

“You know you have the potential to go so many places?” He asked, tilting his head, waving your sketchbook about in one hand. It was so dark in here, and the building was completely empty except for the two of you. This…felt increasingly inappropriate. You were in the studio after-hours with your professor and he was far too close for comfort. He was your favourite artist…but he was still a grown man and you didn’t want to overstep as a student.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged and stepped closer to you, caging you against the table, “I mean, the right people can get you into any exhibition you dream of in the world. Paris, New York, Seoul. Isn’t that what you fantasise?”

An awkward chuckle escaped you. He was far too close to you, “Yeah. That’s the end goal. The scholarship…would definitely make it easier to get there”

Suddenly, the sound of roaring thunder distracted you and you looked to the windows. The clouds had now hidden the moon, casting a dark shadow over the entire art studio. A chill ran up your spine, and you suddenly felt uncomfortable at his proximity.

“Um..I think the last bus home leaves in twenty minutes. I’ll try to catch it” You stated, shooting him a smile and standing up.

You took your bag, but Kim Jieong grabbed your arm, pulling you back towards him, “You can always convince me”

“Sorry?” You fumbled, stupidly. You…had to have heard him wrong. What was he talking about?

He smiled sweetly, and in the dark, his glasses glittered, “If you won the scholarship, the other students wouldn’t question it, you’ve already proven your worth to everyone”

“Right” You were unsure what he was trying to say, or hinting at. What the fuck did he mean by saying that you could convince him? “I should really go”

“It’s pouring. You’ll catch your death out there, Y/N” He stated, pointing to the storm outside. You swallowed, his grip on your arm foreign, “That’s fine. I have an umbrella”

“Ridiculous. I’ll give you a ride home” He shook his head.

“You really don’t have to. I already feel bad for ruining your dinner”

“Oh, stop apologising, Y/N. Your sweet talk drives me mad sometimes” His hand moved from your arm to your waist, wrapping around it and he pulled you closer to his body, "You stress too much. You need to learn to let things go”

You took a step back, unsure how to process this, “Professor…”

He closed the distance, and his other hand grabbed your chin, voice low in the dark room, “Why do you seem so nervous? You don’t have to be around me. We’re just talking, aren’t we?”

“Right” You were having a hard time breathing, panic surging through you. He was right. Of course. He was your professor. He would never hurt you or make you uncomfortable. He was a living legend. You shouldn’t be nervous. He was just being kind to you. He was the only person you’d looked up to your entire life, the reason you’d tried so hard to come here, and he would never do something wrong.

“I can see you struggling in class, and I know you’re doing everything you can to prove your worth. I’ve asked you this before, about what your dream is. ” He spoke, voice as low as a whisper, fingers gripping your jaw. 

“I…I don’t know what you mean” Your voice was shaking from the nerves, with no fucking idea how to navigate this situation. If you pushed him away, you’d lose all chance of winning the prize.

“Well….whatever it is” He smiled sweetly, and in the low light he looked less like the mentor you’d grown up loving and more menacing, “All you have to do…is ask me”

His eyes flickered to your lips, and back to your eyes. His grip on your waist was so tight, it felt like his palm was burning into your skin through your shirt. Had you somehow given him an alluded hint? He took a step even closer.

“I’m sorry….” You pushed him just enough so he wasn’t holding you anymore.

He looked surprised, eyes wide, and he laughed, “Y/N…What are you doing?” You grabbed your bag in a hurry, “I’m sorry. I should really go. The last bus…”

He called after you, but you rushed through the glass doors to the emergency stairwell. You didn’t want to be stuck in the elevator with him. You couldn’t breathe, legs moving off their own accord. A flash of lightning through the glass windows scared you, and you all but ran down the emergency stairwell, bag hanging off your shoulder, fists clenched. What the fuck. He obviously wasn’t making a move on you, right? You were just being paranoid. He was your professor. He was…the most famous artist in Seoul. He was the kindest person ever. You had to have been reading into things. 

You pushed the heavy door open, walking out onto the street. It was pouring rain, and you let out a breath, taking in the air. The rain soaked through your clothes, and you were shivering. You wanted to call Hyunjin so he could pick you up and so you could cry in his arms, the only place where you'd feel safe, but he'd never even given you his new number. He clearly wanted nothing to do with you. You looked down at your hands, and in your tension…you’d completely crushed the photobooth strip to pieces. 

Raindrops slowly trickled down, tracing the ruined paper in your palm. The only memory left of you and Hyunjin was now gone.

»»————-

You didn’t show up to class the next day. Or the next. Or the one after that.

You were still trying to wrap your head around it. Were you stupid for declining his advances and whatever he was suggesting? You couldn’t go back to class and face him. You’d be too embarrassed of your reaction. Maybe he wasn’t even suggesting anything and you jumped to conclusions. You had to have been imagining things. After all, he didn't actually do anything. Still, you’d ruined all your chances of getting the scholarship and succeeding in his class. What if he brought it up in class? What would the others think?

Your body was shaking from the cold. The heating in your apartment wasn’t working, so you sat on the floor, back to the kitchen counter, knees pulled up. You’d forgotten your huge canvas in class too, and it was probably in the garbage by now.

Your phone buzzed loudly, and Felix was calling. You picked up so he wouldn’t worry, but your voice sounded hollow, “Yes?”

“Babe. Where have you been? You’re not answering any texts the past week”

“I’m sorry…I got caught up in things. Is everything okay, Felix?”

“More than okay” He smiled on the other end, “I’m at the diner. They’re throwing a big party tonight! Apparently, it’s been ten years since it opened! Can you believe it?”

“Wow…it feels like we’d been going there our whole life”

“That’s what I said!” His excited voice came in, “So anyway for their anniversary celebration…all the drinks and food is free. You best believe I’m making full use of it”

You could hear so many familiar voices in the back, “Who all is there…?”

“Umm…well me and Minho, obviously. Hana’s here too. Seonmi, Eunbi and the others. Seungmin’s here as well.”

“Wow…I really wish I was there, Felix”

“Mm, I wish that too. Your apprenticeship better be worth it, Y/N. You’re missing all the good stuff. And everybody in Daejon misses you a lot. Mrs. Aera came up to me today and said the shop’s a mess without you haha”

“Really? It is? Mina isn’t taking care of it?”

“Ah, you know how Mina is. She can’t organise for the life of her. That shop was basically running because of you” He laughed, and you could hear him chew something.

“What are you eating?”

“Blueberry-chocolate waffles. There’s this new recipe Seonmi is trying out, and it’s so good. You should have it when you come back. How about you, love? Are you missing me a lot?”

“So much” You mumbled.

“Kim Jieong better be worth it” He sighed, “I guess I forgive you because you’ve been obsessed with him for years. Is he as dreamy as you imagined?”

“Um…” Your gut hurt, the memory of that night flooding through you, “Yeah. He’s…great”

“I’m sure he is” Felix chuckled, “I still remember how you stole all the magazines in the library that had his paintings in it”

“I didn’t steal them” You protested, “I just…borrowed them for a really long time”

He laughed, “To fawn all over your artist crush. I get it. And…what about your other lover? You accidentally bumped into him yet?”

You forced a smile, not having enough energy to protest that he wasn’t your lover, “No…I haven’t seen him”

“Well. Seoul isn’t that big, I’m sure you’ll find him. Or he’ll find you. Oh, I also forgot to tell you! A new cafe opened up in Daejon last week. It’s some fusion book-and-coffee cafe. They actually have the best coffee in town, no you didn’t hear me say that Seonmi” He started laughing, and you could hear them in the background. Suddenly, the past few months felt like a joke.

There were only two reasons you’d uprooted your life and come here. Now, you’d lost them both. 

So why were you still here?

Maybe you had acted rashly. You thought you’d fit in here, and that this was where you were meant to be. You’d felt stuck there, but here you weren’t any better. You'd probably only found the courage to come here because you knew Hyunjin was here too, and that was clearly...not the right thing to do. He didn't even want you near him, or anywhere in his life. He had made that plenty clear.

“I think I made a mistake” You whispered.

“Sorry?” Felix asked, still laughing loudly, “What mistake?”

“Moving out…I shouldn’t have done that”

“Wait…what? What do you mean?”

“I think I should come home”

“You’re messing with me. Right?” Felix laughed, “Didn’t you want to move to the city since you were fifteen?”

“But I was a kid. I didn’t know anything. I had no idea what to expect”

“Y/N…what are you saying?”

“I was happy in Daejon. I should never have come to Seoul” You stood up, moving to your bedroom.

It was like a parasite, an idea festering into your brain and heart, that maybe this was the reason for this unhappiness. Things were perfect in Daejon. Why had you been complaining all your life? All of your happy memories were there, so the logical thing to do…was go back to where they were created. Then you’d be happy again. You hadn’t learnt how to be happy in this house, in this city, in this new life. 

“Babe. I would be the happiest boy in the world if you came home to me, but maybe you should think this through. Did something happen? Why are you being like this?”

You grabbed your duffel bag off the shelf, “I can’t go back to class, Felix! I can’t. I messed up, big time”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t. You could never—”

“You don’t even know what happened!” You yelled. He fell silent on the other end, “Love. Just…what’s going on?”

You stared at your empty bag, “I’m…coming home. I should never have come here”

“Is that Y/N?” Minho’s familiar, comforting voice came in. You wanted to hug him and never let go. They were so far away. “Yeah” Felix responded to him, voice falling, “She says she’s…coming home”

“Give me the phone” Minho mumbled, “Y/N. What’s going on?”

You tossed your clothes in your bag, messily zipping it up, “I can’t stay here, Min”

“But what about the art classes?”

“If I don’t withdraw, I’ll probably be kicked out anyway” You mumbled, “I didn’t go to classes all week"

“You should think this through”

“I have thought it through! It was a stupid fucking mistake. One I needed to make. You know what they say anyway. The grass is greener on the other side. I just fell for the charms of the city, like everybody else”

“No disrespect but you’re making no sense” Minho’s voice was harsh, “You can’t just give up”

“Can you give the phone back to Felix please?” You asked.

“Fine” You heard it being passed around and then his voice came in, “Love. I’m here”

“Lix” You swallowed, “I know it seems like I’m being irrational, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I know it’s embarrassing and stupid, but maybe I was never supposed to be here”

Felix’s voice was so soft, calm, encouraging. You just needed to be near him, in his arms. “I believe you, Y/N. I’m gonna be okay with whatever you decide. I just really want you to think about this”

“I…I want to hug you, Lix” A sniffle escaped you, “I don’t want to go back to class” The idea had completely taken over you.

“Are you sure?”

“Nothing can make me stay” You swallowed. There was a sigh of resignation on the other end, and you knew he wouldn’t fight with you. He would agree with whatever you decided, and that’s what you needed right now. That’s why you called him, and not Yeonjun, or your other friends. Felix was the one person who wanted you home more than anything. He wouldn’t talk you out of it, even if this seemed like the stupidest decision you might be making. 

“What do you need me to do?” He asked, voice soft on the other end. Relief spread through you, and you stopped to look at the window outside your apartment, “A train ticket.”

You could sublease your apartment. You could figure the rest out from the comfort of your real home. You could go back to Aera’s, and get your life in order. You’d find a way to love Felix back. After all, he was the only one who wanted you the way you needed to be wanted. Maybe you were destined for that kind of life after all, where everything stays the same everyday. But that’s good, it was safe. The boy you loved had made you think that you belonged in the city, but he couldn't be more wrong.

That’s what you told yourself, at least, ripping your paintings off the wall. In your short-lived time here, you’d made and put them up to feel less lonely. There’d be no room to carry them back, so you bunched them up, carrying them to the garbage disposal in your apartment. As you shoved them in the disposal, you felt nothing. The hallway was warmer than your apartment and it made you feel a tad better.

Your phone buzzed again, and Felix had sent you something. The train ticket he’d bought for you. It was for tomorrow morning. You knew that you could always trust Felix, with anything. He would always be there for you, if nothing else. Perhaps you'd taken your friendship with him for granted this whole time.

“Need some help?” Jeongin asked. He was coming up the stairs, probably after having heard your struggle with the garbage. You shot him a smile, nodding. He came over, helping you, “Are you redecorating?”

“You could say that…”

“Wait. Are these your paintings?” He realised, stopping halfway.

“Can you help me with something?” You looked at him. He looked confused, and he was frowning, “Um. Sure. What do you need help with?”

“My suitcases…I don’t think the elevator is working”

“Are you going somewhere?” He tilt his head, further confusion scrunching his face. In another life, you and Jeongin could have been really good friends. 

“I’m just going home for a while” You mumbled, shutting the garbage door. For a while would be forever. He didn’t need to know that. It’s not like he would be sad, or miss your presence. 

“Oh. Okay. Of course, I’ll be there in a bit”

Back in your apartment, your phone buzzed again. It was your groupchat with Jeonghan and Minnie. You skimmed through the messages, feeling regretful.

yn are you sick? what’s going on? professor jieong told us you weren’t eligible for the prize anymore

You turned your phone off, staring outside the little kitchen window. The traffic wasn’t as loud as usual. It was a quiet night.

You hugged yourself, trying to find a singular reason to stay. Why had you wanted this life for so long? It had given you nothing but heartbreak, yet a part of you was so sad about leaving tomorrow. You squeezed your eyes shut, a single tear escaping. Maybe you wanted a sign to stay, despite everything in you screaming to leave. When you opened you eyes, your reflection mirrored on the glass pane and then you saw it.

A snowflake drifting down. It twirled in place and your eyes followed its path before it settled on your ledge, quickly crumbling into nothingness.

And then more followed, a flurry of snow falling like stardust. It was beautiful, a cloud of white enveloping everything so quickly, covering the street below. 

Your first snow in the city. 

A bitter smile tugged at your lips. 

The doorbell rang.

Jeongin was already here to help you with the bags. 

So much for a sign.

You grabbed your duffel, and your suitcase, wheeling it out. The quicker you moved with things, the easier it would be. Reaching for the rusty brass doorknob, you pulled the door open.

“Can you take this one? I’ll bring the other” You mumbled, pushing your things out. He nodded, still seemingly confused but he asked no questions, “What time’s your train?”

“In a few hours” You glanced at your phone, “But if there’s going to be a snowstorm, I’d prefer being at the station early…”

He grinned, still so happy and you wish he could share his secrets of eternal happiness, “Smart move. If it was me, I’d probably miss my train. Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened”

You smiled at him, “I can’t afford that”

“I called a taxi cab for you” He said. You nodded, “I’ll meet you downstairs. Thank you, Jeongin”

You stepped back into your apartment. There wasn’t much you’d brought with you, so there wasn’t much you had to take back. You’d never grown fond of this apartment. It had always felt like an inbetween place, while you waited your life to be perfect. Waiting was doing no favours for you.

You shoved your sketchbook into your duffel, putting on your coat before closing the apartment door behind you, and your throat closed up as you realised what you were doing. This was so fucking stupid, and this was rash but what else could you even do? Maybe you could come back to the city in the future if you wanted, but right now it was a terrible decision. You would go back home and you would hug Felix, and maybe you would kiss him and the ache in your heart would be better. The thought of his arms around you, as someone who genuinely cared about you, already made you want to cry.

You unceremoniously dragged your bag across the landing, and the taxi must have arrived already because you heard a loud honk.

It was freezing in the otherwise heated hallway. Your breaths came out in soft mists.

The door downstairs must have been left open, sending cold winds and flurries of snowflakes up the apartment. 

Jeongin would never forget to do that…

As you approached the top step with your bags, you realised who’d left it open.

Draped in a beige trench coat, cheeks red from the cold, Hyunjin stood at the bottom of your staircase.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst #hyunjin smut #skz x reader #fluff #hwang hyunjin x reader #fanfiction #skz imagines

[missmeinyourbones]

haikyuu boys as icks

because my favorite thing is humbling men and fictional men are no exception | aot version & jjk version

atsumu:

does that thing where he "forgets to know your name" so he doesn't look obsessed with you, but in reality he just looks like a douchebag LOL he's comes up to you all nonchalant like "y/n, right?" as if he doesn't follow you on ig and like all of ur pics....and he thinks it makes him look so cool and popular and mysterious and then u look him dead in the eye and ur like "yeah, you're osamu, right?" he's humbled very quickly

osamu:

when he’s really tired or clingy, he talks in a baby voice :/ sometimes even refers to himself in the third person :/ just typing this rn is making me frown with disappointment. like yeah atsumu may be the more dramatic twin, but thats only bc he’s shameless in public. behind closed doors, osamu is right there w/ him. you find him pouting on the couch after a long day like “osamu wants cuddles >:(” or “can we make dinner together i’m hungwy >:(” big offender of the “sowwy” and “pwease” agenda. arrest him

suna:

is the embodiment of that one trend where you tell guys they look like they can’t swim and they get so unnecessarily defensive about it LOL. you say he “gives off a vibe that he can’t swim that well” and hes DISTRAUGHT...immediately whipping out all of his cards to prove you wrong like “obviously i can swim, wtf let’s go find a public pool rn and i’ll show you how good i can swim” also gets you back in such a ruthless way like “okay, but i can. and you look like you don’t know how to read.” feelings end up hurt on both ends :/

hinata:

whenever you guys go to the store, he holds up the line because he’s like “oh, i have a coupon for that!!! :)” but it's never convenient at all. it could be for the most minuscule or absurd products too, like toilet paper or ballpoint pens, and he’s digging through his wallet once you guys reach the register. like baby AREN’T YOU A PRO ATHLETE???? i think you can afford the extra $1.42 for granola bars. you bring up the idea of him having the coupon ready before he gets in line and he’s like “idk i don't wanna hold it for that long 🥱”

kageyama:

LEAVES HIS BEARD HAIR IN THE SINK AFTER SHAVING. oh my god, i am making myself angry rn. you rinse it out every single time and when you ask him if he knows what happens to all of his little trimmings, he’s just like “idk....i guess they just evaporate or slide down over time” when you literally clean up after him like a maid :I he makes me sick (inspired by that one tiktok of the oblivious husband and knowing wife)

bokuto:

doesnt understand politics so he just labels himself as “non-political” which comes across as him just being douchey :/ it makes him look so ignorant when he first tells you :/ like a man who thinks he’s too good to be socially and politically aware bc it doesn't affect him / when in reality, politics just really isn't his forte academically and he’s never learned the basics of it :/ because he is really smart ok i stand by this!!!! he’s a scholar and a college grad...he just only focuses on his areas of interest. take a gov course baby expand ur horizons

akaashi:

if you ask him those silly hypothetical relationship questions (the ones where you just want him to say something sweet, something that proves he loves you) he is not having it in the slightest. you ask him “would you still love me if i was a worm?” and he’s deadly serious like “no? one, that's not even possible. two, if i’m ever attracted to a worm then i need to be constrained and arrested. three, i think that’s really wrong for you to expect me to seamlessly deal with that big of a transition in our relationship--” and you have to be like OH MY GODDD OKAYYYYY IT WAS A TEST!!!  AND YOU FAILED!!!

kuroo:

millennial core LOLLLLLLL im sorry. he posts a pic of him after he gets his hair cut and captions it “just did a thing! :P” EWWWW my toes are curling rn. he takes his selfies from the highest mom facebook angle and does the signature middle aged white man smirk. if he ever films a video of himself it’s so cringy bc he does the millennial zoom in and talks as if he’s a movie protagonist. attends a single work meeting and claims he’s “adulting 😂” at the ripe age of 27

oikawa:

when he really likes you, he does that thing where he's like "you're just not like other girls/people!!!! you're so different!!!!!!" you do basic human things like don't constantly wear makeup or eat whatever you please and he's like "i love how you can be so real around me, you're so quirky <3" you shave your legs or do your hair and he’s like “baby you don’t have to do all of this for me!!!!” he’s never touched a woman in his life. self unaware king 

iwaizumi: 

swears that period cramps are not that bad and that people who get periods over-exaggerate to make men (or people who don’t get periods in general) feel guilty about not dealing with them. believes with his entire chest that “getting kicked in the balls” is equivalent to the pain of childbirth. one day you jokingly buy one of those period cramp simulator machines and hook him up to it. he's all “i’m gonna be fine babe” and “it probably just feels like a stomach ache”.... he doesnt get past the 3rd setting and is holding back tears when you finally turn it off 

#hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #osamu x reader #osamu headcanons #suna x reader #suna headcanons #hinata x reader #hinata headcanons #kageyama x reader #kageyama headcanons #bokuto x reader #bokuto headcanons #akaashi x reader #akaashi headcanons #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #oikawa x reader #oikawa headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi headcanons

[her-satanic-wiles]

Masterlist ⛧ Hellish Delights Masterlist

Words: 8k.

Warnings: Copia’s a piece of shit, rape, non-con elements but more dubcon, mentions of rape, use of the word rape, violent sex, rough sex, dubcon, cnc, filmed having sex (unknowingly), filmed having sex (knowingly), piv, vaginal sex, rough vaginal sex, blood kink, pain kink, rape fantasy, masturbation, semi-public sex, semi-public masturbation, dirty talk, Copia is a creepy old man, rape recreation, spit as lube, fear kink, fear play?, degradation, misogyny, references to free use, reference to bondage, somnophilia, dacrophilia, vaginal fingering, rough fingering, exhibitionism, caught masturbating (close call), groping, coercion; slut shaming, nipple play, fingering, hair pulling, breeding kink, victim blaming, naked woman clothed man, under-negotiated to non-negotiated kinks, possessive, marking kink, use of safeword (sort of), praise, objectification, poor mental health, detailed trauma, aftercare

Author's note: Hey, all! I promise I will get on Divine Desires soon, but this just kept itching away at my brain, and whoooo Nelly, was it difficult to ignore. But here we are now! Please heed the trigger warnings!

The Ghouls aren't demons in my fic. They're humans who work in the Ministry, but they're a different class of profession, somewhere between personal assistants and body guards, depending on the importance of Papa's task.

This is a work of fiction based in the extreme horror category and should be treated as such. I do not condone the actions the characters make, nor am I actively encouraging others to participate in such actions in everyday life. It also does not reflect the personalities of the performers who play these characters.

The purpose of this fic is to shock, scare, entertain, and make readers entirely uncomfortable. If you are not in a headspace where you can safely read and enjoy this story, or even if the trigger warnings make you uncomfortable, I highly recommend and encourage you not to read this. Your mental health is more important than a work of fiction.

If you are struggling to come to terms with past trauma, please talk to someone and seek professional help.

You deserve to feel safe, loved, and cared for. Thank you.

🔞 MDNI 🔞

As this is dark fiction, I'm choosing to rate it 21+. Please respect my rating. Thank you.

Phantom didn’t need to be unmasked for Papa Copia to know something was wrong. The ghoul barely made out two words before Copia stood and grabbed his candles. The frantic explanation was given as Copia whipped around his room, trying to find the correct materials. On such short notice, certain members of the clergy wouldn’t be available to help. So Copia would just have to make do with what he had. Or rather who he had. Phantom had told him the situation at hand, but none of Phantom’s words were able to prepare him for what he was going to see.

He could hear your moans - no, screams- echoing down the corridor from the other end - the loud pleasure in your voice bouncing off the walls and ringing in his ears atop the sounds of the ten or so pairs of feet clambering down the hall to reach you quickly.

“Will you cum on his cock?” It was Swiss’ voice that sounded above all else, dual-toned and demonic. He was well and truly lost to the possession now. “Will you cum on the cock that rapes you?” Rape. Satan only knew how long you’d been subjected to demonic torture. Yes, your voice was oozing with pleasure, but he could still hear the pain sneaking through it. He could taste your fear on his tongue. You’d consented in the end, as it sounded, but how much of that was genuine want versus the deluded, terrified mind clouded in order to protect its host from life-altering trauma.

“Yes!” You screamed looking back up into his eyes. “I’m gonna c-cum! I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna-!”

Copia swung the door open right as your orgasm hit, your mind clouding over and drool dripping from your mouth as you came all over Swiss’ cock. His eyes locked with yours and he had the unfortunate pleasure of watching the light fade, and your body go limp, bouncing with the rough force of Swiss’ hips as he continued to use you for his own gratification.

“You’re just in time, child.” The demon said, thrusts growing erratic. “Witness the gift of the Olde One.”

“He doesn’t advocate for such torment - especially on those undeserving.” Copia remarked as his clergymen took their positions in the room. The demon knew it was outmatched, and thus continued his assault on your body.

“Perhaps. But he advocates for rewards for his finest soldiers.”

“Ah, Asmodeus.”

“In the flesh, child.”

“Not for much longer.”

As the clergy began their chant, and the exorcism truly began, the demon Asmodeus made his final thrusts before releasing his spend into your unconscious body. Two of the Ministry’s ghouls, gargoyles more like, came forth to apprehend Swiss’ body and pull him away from you. Your hips fell onto the floor, ricocheting off the wood. Both Copia’s and Swiss’ eyes were trained on your severely abused core, the white flowing from you and dripping onto the ground, turning the faintest shade of pink as it mixed with the blood Swiss’ cock had forced out of you as he broke you. Copia could feel Asmodeus’ ferocity, his power surging at the sight of you, battered and bruised on the ground, leaking his cum. Given the surge of power coming from him, Asmodeus’ lust had mixed with Swiss’, both of them now fighting to bury themselves deep inside you again and have you once more to quench their lustful thirst.

Copia felt guilt wash over his body as it merged with an ocean of arousal. At the sight of Swiss’ cum spilling from you, his cock began to stir awake, wanting nothing more than to just get on his knees and take you as Asmodeus did. But he was your Papa, he could never bring himself to betray you, like that. If he was buried deep inside you, it would be with you as a willing participant, screaming beneath him, sure, but because he was taking you to paradise.

He shook himself out of the gross thoughts he was experiencing, and joined in to chant with his brethren. When he looked at Asmodeus finally, the demon shot Copia a knowing look before he was banished back to Hell, and Swiss’ unconscious body flopped exhaustedly to the floor. That look he received, told him that the demon saw right through him down to his very tainted soul. And though he knew the clergymen couldn’t read his mind like Asmodeus could, he still feared that someone could tell what he was thinking.

“Phantom,” Copia began, his voice shaky and weak until he cleared his throat, “we must take them all to the infirmary. Please go down and get as much help as you need. Wheelchairs should suffice.”

“Yes, Papa!”

Phantom, eager to save his closest friends turned on his heels and began his journey to the infirmary. Copia looked around the room, his eyes lingering as subtly as they could on each of the clergy’s lower regions, hoping he could find solidarity in such a fucked up situation. He couldn’t - which only added to his guilt.

He waited until everyone was settled on their chairs before he spoke again, giving specific instructions to each of the nurses who had come to assist with the tragedy, then addressing the clergy. “We must keep Swiss and the Sister separated,” he told everyone, “she has been through enough tonight without seeing his face again so soon.”

“What punishment for him, Papa?” a cardinal asked.

Copia sighed. “He was possessed - he would never do this in his right mind. I am… hesitant to sentence him. I’ll leave that up to the Sister’s good graces when she is strong enough to make those decisions. In the meantime, keep them separated.”

Copia followed you all the way down to the infirmary and stayed with you as you were getting immediate treatment. The bruises on your jaw were beginning to show, and your body was incredibly battered and red from the attack. But even so, even as he watched them mend you and put your broken pieces back together, his mind kept showing him your face - the expression twisted on it as you came around Swiss’ cock. The way you sounded still ringing in his ears - the sight of his seed dripping out of you.

He politely excused himself after making sure that you’d be okay and trotted back to his office, slamming the door shut behind him. By now, his erection was full of blood and aching to the touch against the confines of his jeans. His hands fumbled against his robes in desperation, throwing the garment over his head and onto the floor and leaning against the doorway as he pushed his jeans down far enough to expose himself. The cool, crisp autumn air making his balls tighten and his nipples erect beneath his shirt. His hand, still hidden beneath his leather glove, received a healthy glob of spit before he wrapped it around the head and began to stroke, spreading his saliva around and lubricating the slide.

He groaned at the sensation, his back fully pressed against the wood of his door. The slide was impeccable, but nothing compared to how you’d feel. Swiss wasn’t a small man by any capacity, and so Copia swallowed some guilt forming as he let his mind wander. Did he ruin your cunt? The amount of time he was inside you was so great, did he form a space just for him? Or were you still as tight as Copia wanted you to be? He imagined you’d still be nice and tight for him, though, he couldn’t help the way his cock twitched at the thought of him invading a space carved out by another man.

Copia always made it abundantly clear he wasn’t like other men, and sometimes that was to his detriment. For you, especially, he wanted you to feel safe around him, loved by him. He didn’t want you to be uncomfortable in any capacity because he prided himself on being one of the “good guys”, that he’d never betray you in the same way the other men did. He worshipped women, he’d never be misogynistic to one. He was a stand-up, tolerant man. Yet there he was, walking slowly towards his desk and positioning himself against it, rubbing his erection so hard and fast, his arm was beginning to ache in discomfort with the image of you being roughly taken by one of his hardest-working ghouls. And he couldn’t help imagine what it would feel like to have been in Swiss’ - no, Azmodeus’ position - how tightly you’d cling onto him as he used you for his own pleasure; how your delicious cries would travel all the way down to his erection and have you weeping below him. He wondered how deliciously you’d sound begging for him to stop, pleading with him to show you mercy as he took what he wanted and gave not a single fuck for your wants, desires, or even personal pleasure.

His eyes shut tight as he savoured the sensations he experienced when he swung the door open, the painful pleasure painted on your face as you came for Lucifer knows how many times. How you passed out and your body went limp from exhaustion, yet bounced at the violence of Swiss’ thrusts. How his mouth went dry when he saw your red and swollen pussy eject Swiss’ seed, and pool amongst your blood on the floor. And with that final sight, his own orgasm reached him - his cum spurted across his desk and gathered on the wood, sending flashbacks to Swiss’ cum gathering the same way beneath you. He grunted animalistically, mouth hanging open as his body tingled from the force of his orgasm, toes curling in his boots and hand slowly coming to a halt, yet still wrapped tightly around his cock.

This was when the guilt was beginning to set in. Though you may have consented towards the end - you weren’t in your right mind. Copia had no idea just how long you’d been the subject of Azmodeus’ torment - or rather, torture - and thus knew that whatever happened to you earlier was not done with your willingness and permission. Yet there he was, eyes fixated on his cum as though it had tumbled from your delectable core, with disgust filling him from bottom to top as he realised just how gross he’d been. If you found out about this - you’d never trust him again. The Satanic Church didn’t welcome things like this in the same way Catholocism did. Granted they pretended they didn’t, but no actions were taken against the perpetrators of such crimes. And he was Papa. He was supposed to keep you safe. He’d failed you then, and as he wiped his spend from the mahogany, he realised he’d failed you now.

Life passed without incident until a few days later, when it had been brought to his attention by one of the guitar techs that Swiss kept disappearing from his duties and no one knew where he went for hours at a time. Copia knew. He didn’t want to believe it, but he had his suspicions. Immediately, he went into his office and switched on the computer, clicking away at menus and windows until he found what he was looking for: the security camera footage. He clicked on the first video in date chronological order and sat there, studying each frame. At first, nothing happened: it was just Swiss sitting at the foot of your bed, and by the looks of his shoulders - he was sobbing. He saw you two engaging in conversation - how your eyes widened in apparent fear as you registered who was there with you. He couldn’t help the stirrings of excitement at the sight of you visibly recoiling from Swiss’ presence, and then later from his comforting touch. Then, it all happened so fast.

One moment you were having a conversation, you nodded at him and then Copia watched as Swiss climbed on top of you. He was like an animal - a desperate, hungry animal that needed to be sated immediately or he’d die of whatever ailment was afflicting him. Swiss pawed at your bedsheets and hospital gown as he exposed your heavily bruised body to the elements, and spreading your legs wide enough to fit himself in between them. Swiss immediately pushed into you, and you winced as though you felt the same searing pain you felt the first time he did. But after a few uncomfortable thrusts, the pleasure returned once more, and your hands, now finally responding, flew to his shoulders and grasped on, digging your nails into his skin.

Copia’s cock was standing to attention at the sight of Swiss taking you again, and you accepting him willingly. And this time, he knew it was willing - your head nod was enough for him to know that you wanted Swiss inside you again - you wanted to feel that fucking cock take you for a second time. Copia was all but foaming at the mouth, fumbling with his robes once again and freeing his achingly hard cock. He barely even had the wherewithal to spit on it, so desperate to time his hands with Swiss’ hips, he was more than willing to start rubbing himself dry. Any pain he felt could be retribution for his perverted actions.

He cursed - partly at the feel of his cock being abused by his own hand, but also in frustration at the stupid, shitty fucking cameras they put everywhere had no fucking sound! Sweet Satan, he’d give his left nut to hear what Swiss was saying to you, and he’d give his right one to hear your response. He couldn’t even see Swiss’ lips to lip read anything, so instead he let his mind to the work.

He imagined Swiss telling you how much of a whore you were for him, letting him fuck you in an infirmary where anyone could walk in. He imagined Swiss reminding you of what he did to you the day before, and how he would do it again and again if he could. Lucifer knows Copia would. Copia would keep you bound and gagged and spread wide open for him to use as and when he saw fit. Copia would take your tight little cunt for hours at a time, and offer you no reprieve until he had his fill. What if Swiss was telling you that he wanted to do that very thing to you? Would Swiss let Copia have a turn on you? Would Swiss watch? Before Copia had chance to cum, Swiss had already done so, and was climbing off you. Copia loosened the grip on his dick but still continued to watch as Swiss walked away.

The next video was dated to the very next day, and began with Swiss entering your room while you were asleep. His hand reached up your legs and dipped below the comforter. That fucking scrap of fabric was obstructing his view, but Copia understood exactly what was going on, especially when your hips started bucking in response. He was fondling your body as he played with your clit, biting his lip and molesting you as you slept. Your body clearly wanted it, though, given how willingly your legs parted and your hips chased the pleasure. When your eyes fluttered open, so achingly innocent Copia wanted to bite you, again there was a flash of fear behind your eyes before you became soothed at Swiss’ face. He was smiling, a devilish grin that would no doubt make even Copia quake in his boots, but you, still sporting bandages and unable to make full expressions, were staring at him, daring him to take it further. You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t, but instead you pointed up at the camera, and for a brief moment, Copia felt his heart fall out of his ass as both you and Swiss were looking directly at him. Neither of you knew Copia was there, of course. At that time, no one was. But it didn’t stop Copia from feeling like he’d just been caught by you both with his cock in his hand and said hand rubbing it vigorously, like a horny teenager who’d peered into the girl’s locker rooms.

Swiss took the comforter and pulled it off your body, folding it haphazardly over the foot of the bed and exposing your pretty, little cunt to the room. Given the camera was positioned to your right and in the corner of the room, he couldn’t see everything he wanted to see, but he got a glimpse of your labia parting as Swiss’ fat fingers spread them to access your cunt. His fingers entered you, and wasted no time stretching you open for him. Copia watched your body jiggle helplessly beneath the wrath of his hands, and how little Swiss cared for your hands grappling onto him and holding on for dear life. Copia’s hand once again matched Swiss’ tempo, and found himself coming to the edge far quicker than he wanted, but he just couldn’t stop himself.

Ashamedly, Copia came before he could even finish the second video. Your face was contorted in absolute agony as Swiss pushed into you and fucked you hard without giving you a moment’s rest to recover and get used to his size. Copia’s cum landed on his screen, splattering all over your pixelated face as a fucked up cum tribute. Copia wondered how your face would look covered in his cum in real life, and that almost got his cock standing on edge again. The guilt settled in soon after, but not as much as it did the first time he came to you. This time because your consent was all over these encounters. You let Swiss fuck you now, legs spread for him willingly and screams no doubt wanton for his cock. You let him maneuver your body in ways benefiting the security camera. You nodded, and cursed, and screamed out your consent as Swiss played with you. His only guilt now was that you didn’t know he was watching you.

Yet, he downloaded each and every single one of those videos (there were seven in total, one of each day of your time in the infirmary), and each one a varying degree of fucked up with you in a varying state of healed. In one of those videos, Swiss had just decided to stick his dick inside you as you slept, and you had no idea he was even there until he’d been gone thirty minutes and you felt his cum oozing out of you. Copia watched you use Swiss’ cum as lube and masturbate for hours, cumming four times just with your fingers and glistening with both his release and your own. If he wasn’t such an old man, he’d have joined you in your multiple orgasms. Alas, though his cock was very much interested, his body would have no more of it today.

A day didn’t go by where he’d load up one of the security camera videos and jerk off in his office. By the end of the two weeks you’d been out of the infirmary, and when you’d recovered enough to return to your duties, he’d replayed each of the videos several times. It was like he was addicted, choosing only those videos. When he’d decided to quit them, for fear that his actions and attitudes would change towards you, he’d become unbearably miserable and frustrated with everyone and everything. Everyone noticed the difference, and even gave him a wide berth, just in case he snapped or shouted, something he never used to do. It got to the point where those videos became a necessity, and he hated himself for it. He would continue to hate himself twice a day or a week further before the inevitable happened.

All that time spent with his hand on his cock in his office meant that one day, a knock would come mid-stroke, and he’d be forced to conduct a meeting with a raging boner. It happened, and as he scrambled to close the video and cover his modesty, you walked through the door. Satan, he wanted to pounce on you. Despite all you’d been through the previous month, your demeanour had barely changed. In order to appear respectful to your superiors, you still crept through the door with wide, innocent eyes, body closing in on itself in shyness and submission. Before, he thought this was endearing - telling of your sweet personality. Now, it made him want to rip your clothes off you, bury himself inside you, and take you until you were screaming his name, and shaking beneath him. His cock twitched when you made eye contact with him, and spoke in a soft voice, “You wanted to see me, Papa?”

He did? Fuck - he did! How could he forget he sent one of his ghouls to find you this morning? He needed to know what to do about Swiss - although, the CCTV footage of your infirmary room told him all he needed to know. You didn’t know that he knew, and so he had to at least keep up appearances. “Yes, tesoro.” He gestured to the sofa in front of his desk. “Please, sit.” You sat so prettily on his sofa, making sure your habit was draped in such a way that preserved any modesty you may have had. It all seemed like a viscous facade now. He knew who you truly were when you were naked and vulnerable. “How is your recovery?”

There was still a faint bruise on your jaw from the assault, but otherwise it looked like you were almost completely healed. You confirmed as much in your response, finalising it with a sincere, “thank you.” Those two syllables felt like punches to his gut. ‘Thank you, Papa, for caring about me, and worrying about me. I appreciate you.’ Meanwhile, he used one of the most traumatic experiences of your life as his masturbation material and betrayed your trust twice daily.

“Are you starting therapy now?”

You nodded. “I’ve only had two sessions so far, but she’s already helping me work through things.”

Copia nodded. “That is excellent news, tesoro. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you, Papa. And, I wanted to say thank you for saving me back then. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to tell you, but I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t have come when you did.”

He swallowed, the guilt eating him alive as his mind showed him your face as it came around Swiss’ cock - the first time he’d seen it. His posture changed, allowing his right hand to naturally rest on his thigh, before travelling true north and beginning to rub over his clothed bulge as subtly as he could manage. “Please, do not thank me. I only have your safety and wellbeing at heart.” Fucking liar. “Anyone would have done the same.”

“Even still, thank you.”

“It is actually why I wanted to see you today. I wanted you to be strong enough to have this conversation with me. Swiss committed a vile sin, even one Sathanas cannot support. As you know, He is all for depravity but only when all are happy with said depravity. He needs to be punished - let the punishment fit the crime. I wanted you to decide the punishment, as you were the victim in all of this. How do you think we should punish him, tesoro? No limits, what you say goes.”

As expected, the look on your face was made up of stunned silence. Your eyes widened in fear. You didn’t want Swiss to be punished. You’d already forgiven him. The look on your face had his hand applying pressure to his cock. Fuck, you had no right looking this sinful. “I don’t want him to be punished, Papa.” You said quietly.

“But, tesoro… he-”

“I know. But he didn’t, did he? He was possessed. And you sent the demon back to Hell, right? I think that’s punishment enough. Let our Dark Lord punish the demon for his crimes and have him suffer for eternity in the pits of Hell.”

“Well, no punishment will be given to Swiss, if that’s what you ask. I must say, this is highly irregular. A testament to your kindness, I suppose. How do you feel about Swiss?” He was skirting dangerous territory now, but he couldn’t help himself. He wondered if he could use your trust in himself against you, and have you admit to sleeping with Swiss. Copia didn’t know what he’d do if he heard those words fall from your mouth, but he poked and prodded nonetheless. “Would you be comfortable being around him again?”

“I believe so, yes.”

Copia raised his brows in fake surprise. “You truly are incredible, tesoro. After everything? I’m in awe of you. I’m surprised to hear that. Perhaps we can start with - eh - supervised socialising until you’re used to seeing him again.”

You nodded in response, eyes to the ground and refusing to make eye contact. You were shifty. You were withholding the truth. You were obvious about it.

“Tesoro?” He asked, allowing his voice to be just a fraction sterner than usual. “Is something wrong?”

“No, Papa.”

“Then why aren’t you looking at me?” There was silence for a moment. “You’ve already seen him, haven’t you?”

You nodded.

Copia deliberately sighed. “Well, you are a grown adult, tesoro. I cannot stop you from seeing anyone you do not wish to. But you should know I disapprove. He could still have been dangerous to you. I couldn’t bear it if he hurt you again.” There was silence again. “What are you not telling me, Sister?”

“I- Please don’t be disappointed in me, Papa.”

“I could never be disappointed in you. Please, tell your Papa what’s troubling you.”

The flood gates opened. You were desperate to share the information with someone. Clearly, you’d not been doing so with your therapist. You confessed to everything, how Swiss came to you when you first woke up, how he’d fucked you every day since. Not that you used such explicit words. He’d taken advantage of your nervousness and lack of eye contact, and had gotten more and more brazen with the movement of his hand over his cock, openly masturbating now beneath his desk. He didn’t expect you to look up - he didn’t think you would. But as you were talking, you glanced at him every now and again, so quickly he missed every one. Until your talking had slowed and a soft, “Papa?” Fell from your lips. Your eyes were now fixated on his hand, a hint of betrayal glistening in them. Copia didn’t stop now - he couldn’t. The look on your face had travelled straight to his cock, and now he was going to take this opportunity to take you. “You already knew that I’d seen Swiss, didn’t you?”

“Sì.”

You swallowed. “H-how?” By this point you’d stood from the sofa.

“I think you know.”

“You saw…?”

“Every one.”

You turned your back to him, hand over your mouth and tears of humiliation threatening to spill. The second you saw the camera, you should have refused Swiss. But the thrill was too much and you couldn’t say no. You also couldn’t lie and say you felt completely and utterly betrayed by your Papa - because while you were, and had every right to be, you also felt heat pooling between your legs at the thought of Copia watching every single time Swiss was inside you.

You didn’t hear Copia stand or approach you. You only knew he was there when you felt him press up against you, hands snaking round your waist and pulling you towards him. Any piece of you that he could get his hands on, he did so: gripping your thighs, stomach, breasts. His chin rested on your shoulder, lips mere centimetres from your ear as he spoke. “Perhaps there are other ways to work through your thoughts, hm? Do you want that? You know, for all I saw, I didn’t hear much of anything. That first night in the infirmary, what did he say to you, tesoro? What did he say that made you part your legs so willingly, so soon?”

“H-he…” You felt Copia remove your veil, pulling it to the floor and exposing your hair.

“Go on?” He urged as his hands began to unbutton your habit. They were moving sinfully slow, almost painfully so. It was as if he were dragging this out on purpose just to spite you, or drive you insane. Perhaps both were true.

“He told me that he was sorry.” Copia had dipped his hands beneath the shoulders of your outfit and dragged it down your body to pool at your feet, his lips immediately attaching themselves to your near-naked shoulder. If it wasn’t for that infernal bra strap, he’d have you completely bare for him. “He told me that he felt bad for what he did.”

“And that’s all you need, Sister? An apology has you spreading your legs for any man who offers one?”

“No! He-” You bit your lip, now feeling his hands unclasp your bra, one hook at a time. “He told me that he felt guilty for finding it so hot. But that he…” Your bra fell to the floor and you swallowed.

“Keep going.”

“He couldn’t stop touching himself to the thought of it.”

Copia groaned behind you, his teeth grazing your delicate skin. His gloved hands moved up to your nipples and began to pull and play with them, rolling them through his index finger and thumb. His hard cock rubbed gently against your clothed ass, showing you just how desperate he’d become.

“He’s a talker, isn’t he?”

You nodded.

“Tell me, tesoro. What else did that filthy mouth of his tell you? What got you so riled up for you to let him fuck you in your hospital bed?”

One of his hands released your nipple and gently traced the curves of your stomach all the way down to your panties. His fingers dipped beneath the waistband, and immediately went in search of your clit. He needed no map to find it, it as as if he already knew your body and how it worked - perhaps it was all the videos he watched of his ghoul doing the exact same thing to you. He worked your clit in gentle circles to begin with, fully content on just teasing you until he got the information he wanted out of you. You released a soft moan in response, reaching your left arm behind you to grip onto his greying hair. Your right hand clutched at his wrist, and held on tightly as he continued his assault - an assault you welcomed with open arms.

“Papa!” You whispered. “I can’t.”

He tutted. “She’s getting bashful on me now, no? Seems a bit late for false modesty when I watched your cunt get spread on a camera. You can and you will. What did he say to you?”

Though his voice never raised, it did become more stern. It didn’t feel as though he’d take no for an answer. Just like Asmodeus, he would use you with or without your willingness being present. Unlike with Asmodeus, you knew Copia would stop if you really asked him to. He could be an asshole sometimes, but he wasn’t a monster. You didn’t want to tell him no. That night unlocked something in you that at first you’d only thought about doing again with Swiss, but now with Papa willing to give you what you wanted, it turned out you wanted this again, over and over until you were some kind of brainless toy.

Copia pinched your clit between his fingers when you were taking too long. “I won’t ask again, Sorella.”

“Fuck!” You screamed. It was painful, of course it was, but your scream was oozing with pleasure, just like it was when Copia had walked in on Asmodeus taking you. “He loved how wet I got! He - fuck, Papa! - He loved me c-creaming on his cock. He loved hearing me cry out for him, and begging for him to-”

“To what?” Copia’s finger now rubbed in circles, faster and with a lot more pressure. “Say it!”

You were talking much faster than before, the words spilling from your mouth before you could even process them. “He want to hear me beg him to fuck me over and over. Wanted to turn me into his toy. Get me pregnant. Papa, please!”

He bit your ear softly. “Did you enjoy it, tesoro? That night with the demon? Did you love it?”

“Mmmmm fuck! Not at first! He - shit - hurt me. But then it - it felt good towards the end.”

“How many times did you cum?”

“I d-don’t remember. Maybe twice?”

Copia groaned again. “Puttana.”

Your hips were bucking wildly, chasing a high that Copia was right on the precipise of giving you. You were so close. You needed it. “I’m gonna cum! Papa! Papa!”

“Cum all over your Papa’s fingers like a common fucking whore, that’s it!”

The dam broke and the floodwaters emerged, your orgasm hitting you like a ten-tonne truck and tensing your body from head to toe. Those very toes were now curling into the rug, your fingers tightening in his hair causing him to let out his own screams. You had no idea what your body was doing, and the fact that you were yelling throughout the entirety of your orgasm, howling like a banshee as tears fell from your eyes at the intensity of it all.

“On your back on the floor.” Copia instructed.

You did as you were told, lying your bare back against the plush of the rug. Copia’s face crumpled at the sight, though. He wanted you on the wood. So, he nudged you with his shoe to get your attention, shook his head and pointed to where he wanted you. You obliged, and spread your legs as soon as the cold shock had dissipated from your body.

“You get off on this, don’t you?” He said, removing his robes and reaching for his zipper. “On being used and manhandled against your will.”

You nodded.

“Is that why you let Swiss use you every fucking day, eh? Are you trying to relive it?”

You hesitated for a moment too long, and Copia took that as confirmation. He chuckled darkly, unzipping his jeans and removing his cock from its confines, finally letting it breathe after you almost catching him at the beginning. “Do you know what, tesoro?” He began to position himself above you, lining up with your sopping heat and rubbing himself against your clit. Your fingernails dug into the floor at the oversensitivity that had now begun to set in, your heart racing with anticipation. He pulled your hips closer to him, having you partly resting on his thighs, immaturely laughing a little at the sound your body made as it was dragged against the floor. “I got off on it too.”

He delighted in the way your eyes lit up with so many emotions, before finally allowing your face to contort with the pleasure of him pushing his cock inside you. There was lust in your eye, of course, remembering how you made eye contact with Papa as you reached your second orgasm that night. You remembered the last thoughts that raced around your head before you blacked out. Now that you’re thinking about it, you remembered seeing a primal look in Copia’s eyes underneath his concern, and the thought made you tighten around Copia’s cock that had begun slamming into you, after deeming you ready enough.

“Swiss was feral for you afterwards,” he told you, eyes fixated on your cunt as it squeezed him, “we had to restrain him with multiple gargoyles because he was going to go back in for a second turn.”

“Fuck, Papa!”

“And now I see why - cazzo!” A string of Italian fell from his lips that you couldn’t quite understand. But it didn’t matter, the thought of Swiss fighting against the Ministry’s protectors in order to get inside you a second time had set your body alight - the primal need to satiate his hunger now ingrained in your mind for the rest of time. You allowed loud moans to fall from your lips as the angle Copia fucked you at had his cock hitting your g-spot each time. “His - his cum… and your blood - fuck! - I wanted to taste it then see how my cum would look mingling with both of you. If I wasn’t surrounded by the clergy, I might have had my fill there and then too.”

You bit your lip and gripped onto his strong arms, those arms and hands grasping onto your hips for leverage as he roughly fucked into you, getting deeper and deeper to now have his tip hit your cervix and his shaft rub constantly against that sweet spot. You were losing your mind, mewling out for Papa as he took you on his office floor. “You sh-should have anyway!” You mumbled through your moans.

Copia’s eyebrows raised. “Yeah? You wanted me to fuck you in the ritual room with the clergy watching? Fucking Jezebel. You always seemed so sweet, Sister. Who knew you were so filthy? Is that why you agreed to the ritual in the first place, tesoro? You like it when people watch?”

“Yes!”

At this revelation, Copia began to thrust harder. This wasn’t usually a turn on for him - in fact, he’d never really thought much about it before - but the idea that you would get off on it had him harder than he ever had been in his life. He wondered how far it would go - if you imagined the other members of the clergy joining in in some capacity. How many of them could you have taken before it became too much? How many before you woke up? What about when you were awake? How would you react knowing that all the clergy members were touching themselves in a circle around you as Copia railed you for a ritual? Would you willingly open your mouth for them? Would you let them cum on you? Had you done this before? Was this a revelation that was new to you after Asmodeus? Copia’s mind was racing with questions and possibilities.

His mind snapped out of its musings to watch you beneath him, taking his cock to the hilt and loving every second of it. It felt so good, your mouth was hanging open and drool was slipping from the corners. Your eyes rolled back, eyebrows furrowed and sweat glistening over your body. You were so wet, creaming on Copia’s dick and he watched the strings of your juices pull and snap with his movements. With every passing second, every thrust, he understood why Swiss couldn’t get enough of you, why Asmodeus fought tooth and claw to get inside you again. Copia would be inside you every single day if you let him. He wanted to watch you bounce off his cock every day, watch your body jiggle at the force of his thrusts, how your tits jerked while his cock ravaged your insides. The way your ass ricocheted off the ground each time he moved had him damn near feral for you. You resorted him down to his animalistic instincts, his primal urges. He just wanted to bite you as he fucked you, mark you, claim you, show the world that you were his.

He wondered how Swiss would react to finding marks on you that didn’t belong to him. He imagined Swiss getting angry - he shouldn’t but he did. Fucking you within an inch of your life, bruising your body in multiple ways while he was deep inside you, reminding you that you belonged to him. Sathanas, he wished he could strip you bare and uncover Swiss’ artwork on you, and add more of his own. It was fucked up but he needed it and so, without much thought, he lifted your leg, bent himself over you and bit wherever he could reach, painfully biting and sucking hickeys onto your body. You screamed with the onslaught, your own fingernails and hands digging into his flesh and leaving marks of your own. But, after the third bite, you let go with one hand and began to furiously rub at your clit, relishing the pain and fucking yourself to a second orgasm, and shaking with the force of it. You tightened impossibly around Copia’s cock, forcing him to rest while you finished yourself off. But Copia wasn’t done with you. Not even the slightest bit. “On your stomach, tesoro.”

Your eyes widened a little, a small inch of panic setting in. “What?”

“Stomach. Now.”

“Copia…”

The use of his name hit him like a punch to the gut. “What’s wrong?” He said, his voice dripping with concern, not an ounce of lust in his eyes anymore. He noticed. He was taking it seriously.

“Please not my stomach.” He wasn’t there for the first half of your torment - he didn’t see what Asmodeus did to you. You wanted to explain why, but you couldn’t find the words. But Copia seemed to understand immediately.

He nodded, “Of course, tesoro. D-do you want to stop?” He asked the question almost like an afterthought, but it came to him nonetheless.

“No. Please.”

“Please what?”

“I-”

“We can go as dark or as soft as you like, amore. Please what? Tell me how you want me to fuck you.”

“Take what you need. Use me, Papa. Please.” You said, your voice tapering off to a desperate whimper.

Copia groaned, a visceral, gutteral sound. “Spawn of Satan, begging me to use her like a fucking toy, eh? As you wish, tesoro. Take my fucking cock. It’s what you were made for, right?” He dropped your hips dramatically, kind of showing you now that he had no interest in making you feel good now. It was all about him from this point onwards, and you were going to know about it. He positioned himself above you, completely trapping you beneath him now, and began to slam into you so hard, your body moved across the floor each time. Grunts and groans were ripped from your throat involuntarily, spilling your truth into his ears whether you liked it or not - the helpless feeling had you wrapping around him like a vice, and refusing to loosen the grip.

“Gonna fuck this cunt every day.” He continued, muttering mostly to himself. “Might keep you in my chambers, spread out and ready for me to use at any point.” You tightened. “Or better yet, keep you naked and tied to my desk so I can use this hole when I’m stressed. You want that, hm?”

“Yes, Papa!”

“Tell me.”

“I want t-to be your toy! I want you to use me every day. I want your cock inside me every day. Please, Papa!”

“Such a good slut for me. Swiss trained this cunt well, didn’t he?”

“Yes! Made me ready to please my Papa whenever he wants me. Trained me to take all of Papa’s cum and not spill a drop.”

“Filthy whore. Take my fucking cum. T-take it all. Merda! Cum- cumming!”

Copia’s groan filled the room much louder than any of your moans ever did, drowning out the sound of his hips slapping against your wetness over and over again. His thrusts became more and more erratic until he eventually stilled inside you, completely emptying his balls and filling you to the brim. He felt so good inside you, like you were made to take him. He stayed inside you for a little while before pulling out and removing himself from your body, and that was when you felt it.

All of the helplessness from before returned the moment Copia stopped touching you, and you realised just how vulnerable you’d allowed yourself to be with someone other than Swiss. Tears began to fall, and wracked sobs took over your body as you lay naked on his floor, an ache beginning to form in your core as you tucked your body in on itself. Copia, who was putting himself back together, immediately dropped his robe and dropped back to his knees, enveloping you in a tight hug and pulling you close to him, allowing you to hide your face in his chest. “I got you, schricchio.” He said, bringing back the pet name that you loved. The ultimate comfort nickname. “You’re safe. I got you.” He rocked you back and forth, shushing you gently and rubbing your skin. “I got you.” He let you cry. You obviously needed to.

With Swiss, it all felt different because he was just as tormented as you were. His body was assaulted too, and despite his body being in the dominant role, he had no control and no way to stop it. The guilt ate him alive when he wasn’t inside you - when you weren’t begging him for it. But Copia? Copia was your boss - the head of your church - a man who you’d spent the better part of a decade trusting and loving. You’d never let him see you like this before, never let him catch you being weak and powerless. You saw that despite the nature of your coming together, you could still trust him. He still cared deeply about you and your emotional needs. When you almost told him to stop, he would have, and in fact, he almost did.

“I’m sorry for being too rough with you.” He told you. “I’m sorry for starting this.”

“No.” You said through tears. “I liked it.”

“No, schricchio. I took advantage. I’m sorry.”

He let go of you just for a brief second to grab his robe, and wrap you up in it, trying to warm you up as soon as he heard your teeth chattering. It was the adrenaline wearing off, he knew that, but still he wanted to do everything he could to comfort you after that. “Thank you.” You whispered through tears.

“I want you to listen to me, okay? No one is ever going to do any of that to you again without your consent first. I should have protected you better the first time, ___. I’ll do better in the future.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours, either. And I’m here if you want anything. A talk, a distraction, a friend.”

You sniffed. “Were you serious about locking me up in your chambers and having your wicked way with me?”

He chuckled. “Why are you interested?”

“I might be.”

“We’ll see. For now, lie on my sofa. I’ll get you cleaned up soon, but for now get some rest, schricchio.”

He helped you off the floor and led you to the plush couch you sat on before. He sat on the floor while you got comfortable and held your hand as you began to drift off to sleep. All the while, his thumbs rubbed against your skin, and every now and then, you felt a gentle kiss on the back of your hand. You were safe with him. You always would be.

Masterlist ⛧ Hellish Delights Masterlist

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#the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost #ghost band #ghost the band #ghost fanfiction #ghost fan fiction #ghost fanfic #ghost fandom #the band ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus iv #papa emeritus iv x reader #papa emeritus iv x reader smut #papa emeritus iv smut #papa iv x reader #papa iv #papa iv x reader smut #papa iv smut #copia #copia x reader #copia x reader smut #copia smut #papa copia #papa copia x reader #papa copia x reader smut #papa copia smut #ghost copia #copia emeritus #copia fanfiction #popia copia

[kazumist]

EPISODE 27 ✿ THERE'S NO WAY

YOU + ME = LOVE — A DILUC SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 317.

i thought this was a reunion for our batch? 

you weren't informed that the reunion is a collaboration between your batch and… diluc’s. but either way, it’s fine—the more, the merrier, they say. and besides, diluc should still be abroad (you don’t really know what’s going on with him anymore; he always had little social media presence), so you’ll be fine.

right?

“(name)! it’s so nice to see you here!” an old batchmate of yours approached you with a drink in her hand. after catching up, you never thought you’d hear an ever so familiar name again.

“holy shit. is that diluc?” you heard someone say. 

there’s no way.

there is no fucking way that the man who just walked inside those doors is him.

“(name)? are you alright?” sucrose asks you, concern lacing in her voice because you have been spacing out ever since diluc walked in.

it has to be him; there’s no way that’s someone else.

“huh? oh, yeah. i’m fine, don’t worry.”

he has grown. a lot, to be precise. it was obvious from the way he looks that the energy that he now radiates gives you the impression that he's even more mature than he was before. the reunion continued on as you watched diluc sit at a table near you where his old friends from his batch were.

the rest of the night so far has been a bit awkward, so to speak. you avoided diluc like a plague, reminding yourself that even if you missed him, he should approach you first. after all, you didn’t just wait like an idiot for seven years for a man who probably already married himself off abroad.

“i’ll just… get some fresh air for a moment,” you said, quickly leaving the room.

but what you don’t know is that a certain pair of eyes have never left you since he walked into the room.

taglist (open): @ryuryuryuyurboat @g4bbyyy @kizakiss @quackimilktea @mochiboo123 @thystarsshine @cerisescherries @jamieexistss @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @aethion @dottoreworld-page @naishite @sleepyeri @staaarhin @eroxotckv @kiyiiaarchived @fallenssun @lolmeowing @dorryx @astolary @kissingkzuha @axerrri @a1-ic3 @lottierulez @livelaughlovekuni @sorcerersseestars @whipped-for-fictionals @morganadorodo @briluvspnk @venderretta @xiaosoneandonly @angeilix @morgyyyyyyy @kazioli @the-massive-simp @qtange @tiredjxnna @yuminako @acheronie @sn1perz @akitokisser @siu-ssi @artri-ad @hyeinszn @saeskiss @bubblegum-angelquartz @boomie-123 @moni11032 @sandwichmyonetruelove @cherrybb-ily @itztaki @dontmindtheevie @hotgirlshit5 [1/2]

#( smau — you + me = love ! ) #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin smau #diluc ragnvindr x reader #diluc x reader #diluc smau #diluc #x reader

[kiss-theggoat]

Hii I see you have requests open :3

Can I please get short fan fiction of Art the clown x female reader with glasses ?

Maybe a bit

Smutty

A/N: Thank you for the request!! I hope you like it! (For the sake of this fic, Art’s suit is a two piece, ik it’s not canon but I couldn’t find a way to write the scenario with his jumpsuit 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤)

Specs

Art the Clown x F!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: A mysterious man returns your glasses at a party, and you find a very nice way to thank him.

TW: Art is bloody, Handjobs, Cum eating, you are drunk during this encounter so dub-con

Music thumped through the club and filled you completely, moving up through your feet and into your chest where you felt the bass boom. Your eyes were closed as you lost yourself in the rhythm, a large crowd of people surrounding you doing the exact same.

The center of the dance floor was crowded and hot, people bumping into you and sweating on you, but you hardly cared at this point. You felt yourself getting lost in the music, melting away all of your stress and your body never felt more at one with the music, but of course, the liquor you’d consumed helped with that quite a bit.

You knew exactly what happened, and as you touched your face, your fears were confirmed. You whipped around and tried to see the floor of the dance area, but all you could see was every square inch covered by someone’s shoe. There was no way you’d find your glasses, and if you did, they were surely broken. You groaned and turned around, taking your shot of vodka without drinking your water. After losing your expensive glasses, you needed to get back out on the dance floor.

As you made your way back over to the center of the dance floor, maneuvering through a horde of sweaty, dancing bodies, strangers rubbing up against you without another thought, your entire body felt like it was tingling. You’d come to this party alone, but hoped to change that before the night was over. In your drunk and blurry haze, you scanned the crowd, hoping to find someone who was alone and feeling the same way you were.

Your head started to spin as you felt the shot that you took, cheeks flushed and sweat coating your back. The music filled your ears and you swore you could feel it behind your eyes, your brain was immersed in the bass and rhythm, you moved your hips without caring who was around you.

After what felt like an eternity of you getting lost in the music and losing yourself to the rhythm, you felt a very firm finger tap your shoulder, yanking you from your trance. You wiped the hair that'd stuck to your lip gloss away from your face, turning to see who touched your shoulder.

A clown clad in black in white raised his stained glove to wave his grimy looking fingers at you. I’m your drunk and blurry haze, all you saw was a man wearing a costume. And he was alone. You reached forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, starting to encourage him to dance with you, but he stayed stiff as a board. From what you could tell, he was still smiling. His hand raised between both of your bodies, holding onto the expensive glasses you’d lost.

You let out a gasp. “Oh my god! You found my glasses!” Vision was restored to you as you slid the finger-print stained glasses over your face again, allowing you to really take in the man who’d returned them. His teeth were stained red and black, black grease painted like stretched into an inhuman smile.

“Good costume!” You told him, stumbling a bit as you started to move to the rhythm. You were drunk and you both knew it. The clown crept forward, blatantly checking out your body as you moved, the grin never leaving his angular face. You turned your back to him, moving your hips to the best of the music, closing your eyes and letting the bass move up from the floor through your body to your head where it made the spinning from the alcohol worse, but you didn’t care.

You also didn’t care when you felt those same stained hands that returned your glasses slide around the small of your back and to the front of your hips, holding them firmly. You turned your head to see the clown, dancing behind you with a smirk on his face.

The warmth that you felt in your cheeks from the alcohol spread through your entire chest and down to your stomach. This was the first time tonight you’d been touched, danced with like this. In response, you pushed back against him with fervor, arching your back so that your back was flush against his chest. He seemed to enjoy this, pushing his hips forward against you and his hands slid up your stomach to your chest, holding your tits through your clothes.

A smile broke out on your face, your smaller hands sliding over his. You knew getting groped at a Halloween party isn't exactly the best way to meet someone, but in this moment, you couldn’t care less. As you danced, feeling him move behind you, you figured that you owed the man a favor. I mean, he returned your glasses right? Those things are expensive! It’s only fair that he gets a finder's reward.

Your hands left his, moving behind you to find his narrow torso. The silk of his clown suit felt nice against your fingertips as you trailed them downwards, finding the waistband of the silk pants he wore. You slid your hand beneath them, quickly discovering that the clown wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

You laid your head back against his shoulder, staring up at him from below. He gave you a look that you couldn’t decipher, mouth falling slack and eyes narrowing just a little bit, but his hands continued to massage your chest, and you took that as your green light. You moved your hand lower and finally wrapped your fingers around his cock, watching his face contort at your touch.

With a firm grip you began to slowly stroke him, taking a look at your surroundings. No one had noticed you two yet, too enamored with their own affairs to realize you were giving a clown a handjob in the middle of the room.

You continued to dance as you moved your hand back and forth, collecting the precum that leaked from his tip to drag it down to the base, lubricating your hand. You could tell from how he scrunched his eyes that he liked that, so you did it again, running your thumb over the tip of his dick.

He flinched for a second and held onto your body tighter. He’d stopped dancing now, stiff as a board except for the occasional thrust forward into your hand. He leaned his head back, jaw slack and black lips making an ‘o’ as you watched his eyes roll back. Your chest swelled with pride, knowing you were making the painted stranger feel so good.

The music continued and as did you, still moving your hips to look as natural as possible, masking the fact that you were speeding up now, hand pumping the shaft of his cock faster and faster each time he reacted to you. He leaned his head forward again and stared down into your eyes, his own looking sleepy and half lidded. His mouth was still open, but you leaned forward and gave him a playful nip on the bottom lip, watching his face scrunch in reaction.

The way his breathing sped up clued you in on the fact he was close, his hips thrusting into your hand with every stroke. You tighten your grip at the base before running your thumb over the tip, repeating this with every pump and before you knew it, the clown dug his fingernails into the soft skin of your chest, hips jutting forward and head throwing back, eyes closed tightly. You looked around, no one had their eyes on you.

Warm cum shot over your hands and on the inside of his pants, and you slowly stroked him through his orgasm, waiting until he looked back at you to take your hand from his pants. You gazed into his eyes as you licked his cum from your palm, tongue sticking out before you swallowed.

For once, he looked shocked, feeling a surge of arousal go through him again at the sight. Maybe he’d keep you.

#slasher x reader #slashers #horror movies #horror fanfiction #slasher x y/n #art the clown x reader #art the clown fanfiction #art the clown #art the clown x you

[felixsmeshglove]

of nighttime’s and neon - han jisung x reader

writers note ; so, this is my first official smut fic that i’m releasing so any and all feedback is welcome but please be gentle. i don’t typically write for non-sub!reader but this is something i want to get better on, so this will be entirely new to me, remember this plot is entirely a work of fiction and the accuracy of how the idol life functions may not be 100%, jisung is just fucking whipped for reader, i will note i did kinda skimp on the inter-band interactions, mostly just because i didn’t quite know how to incorporate it? plus, as i’ve mentioned on my page my knowledge about k-pop is exclusively skz, i don’t know any of the other of the bands well enough to incorporate them properly so i kinda just glossed over it? sorry if that was something you were really looking forward to.

themes ; smut, fluff, angst if you squint, friends to lovers

pairing ; han jisung x reader

wc ; 3.7k

content warning ; minors dni 18+ only! alcohol consumption, cursing, afab reader, unprotected sex (wear a condom folks!) feminine nicknames used for reader (mommy, goddess), needy jisung, reader could be plus size if you squint, switch!jisung (mostly sub), dubcon if you squint, jisung is kind of a nasty perv dw he just is obsessed with you, mommy kink, riding, edging, cum eating, oral sex (afab receiving), face sitting

misc ; (h/c) is hair color

jisung was the first to awake from his sleep, whining softly as rubbed his face. a dull ache pounds under his temples, reminding jisung of his actions from the night before. as he sits up, through bleary eyes he begins to recognize… he isn’t in his room. further yet, he isn’t even in his dorm.

as the covers fall from his chest, he shivers, noticing the distinct lack of clothing he had from the waist-up.

wary eyes scan his surroundings from right to left, and just as he’s putting the pieces together he sees you. (h/c) locks tumbled rebelliously around your face as you were curled snuggly into the sheets. jisung’s heart sinks, running a hand through his hair as his mind starts to spiral.

‘fuck, fuck, fuck! did we really just fuck last night? shit- we were so drunk i-‘ jisung thinks to himself as he begins to panic, his breathing beginning to roughen in response.

deep from slumber, you begin to awake as you feel the sensation of your bed beginning to rock. you groan softly, opening your eyes to try to fend off the disturbance only to remember a familiar faded-lavender haired man in your bed.

jisung was shifting around in the bed, trying to find his phone to see if there was any evidence left of what the two had done the night before, thinking the absolute worst.

“jisungie?” you speak up softly, your voice crackling from sleep.

memories seem to flood back from the night you had before as you start to sit up yourself

jisung had invited you out to the club, in celebration of their latest album release. jisung and the rest had been working tirelessly for the release and it was about time that they got a break. you found the night to be a blur of meeting many other idols that the alcohol made it difficult to remember just who and how many you’d met.

regardless, you happily followed jisung around, eagerly encouraging him to enjoy himself and celebrate. after all, you loved to see your favorite quokka so happy.

right now, however, you had decided to sit out this song with legs crossed as you sat atop the bar stool. you were sipping on some fancy cocktail that was way too expensive yet jisung insisted you get whatever you want. jisung always loved to spoil you, he cared so much about you and even if he still couldn’t push himself to confess he wanted to make it certain you were always taken care of.

the drink tasted of lemon, gin and herbal tea, advertised as some special type of tea. it was a periwinkle-purple beverage, almost like the color of jisung’s dusty lavender hair. maybe brighter? you couldn’t tell with the dim club lights.

regardless, you always admired just how pretty jisung always was. it didn’t matter what the producers wanted him to wear or change, he looked good in it.

now, your attention was being drawn back to the present by jisung who had stumbled his way back to you through the crowd with a sweet giggle.

“why aren’t you dancing jagi? are you not having fun?” jisung drunkenly cooed at you as he slipped an arm around your waist. you leaned into him slightly, resting a head on his shoulder as you giggled.

“just needed a rest, quokka, my feet were starting to hurt,” you reply with a sweet smile, taking another sip of your colored drink, “you worry too much, ji.”

jisung rolled his eyes and set down the bottle he had in his freehand, standing in front of you to wrap his hands around your waist once more.

“come on jagi will you please dance with me? you can take off your heels i’ll hold them for you” jisung begs with a whine, puffing up his cheeks a little and pouting at you with that plump lower lip of his.

just as you open your mouth to protest, but before you can even get out a word jisung interrupts you.

“i haven’t gotten a chance to be alone with you all night, please?” jisung hiccuped in his drunken state, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster.

how could you say no?

with one long, careful sip you finish your fun cocktail, before removing your heels and holding them up by the straps. you hardly even notice how jisung stares at you as you take that sip, sucking his lower lip between his teeth as he picks up his almost-forgotten bottle.

he takes the shoes from your hand as you hopped down from your bar stool, standing in front of him to dance in place with him. well, it was hard to call it a dance. at first, this ‘dance’ was nothing more than his arms wrapped around your waist with your hands tucked up into those dyed locks you loved so much.

slowly, however this dance evolved to you grinding against jisung with your heels and his drink long abandoned by your bar stool. it seemed almost as if the rest of the world didn’t even exist as all your drunken minds could focus on were the neon lights, the music, and each other.

there had always been a sort of tension between you and jisung, yet you both were far too oblivious to see it. but now, tension seemed to be all out the window as you swayed your hips, rocking them back towards jisung.

jisung’s gaze immediately snapped over to you, his cheeks flaring up with a bright red as the first thing he notices is the darkening cherry red and deep maroon hickey that seemed to be forming along your collarbone and neck. he seems to stress even more as he notices this, which causes you to furrow your brows.

“hannie what’s wrong?” you ask softly after clearing your throat. as you sat up, your form was mostly covered by your oversized pajama shirt. how you managed to change shorts with how drunk you remembered you were was a mystery, but regardless it provided you some modesty.

“what? what do you mean what’s wrong?! why are you so calm? y/n i’m so sorry- i hope you can forgive me,” jisung says with a strained voice that seemed to end in a whimper. tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he looked down at you.

the look on jisung’s face was absolutely heartbreaking as he seemed truly devastated at what he’d thought he’d done to you. the poor man could barely bring himself to confess to you, so the thought that the two of you had done something together and neither of you were sober enough to be present for him made him feel so guilty.

“forgive you for what? i don’t underst- ohhh…” you begin to reply, before looking around and finally connecting the dots yourself.

“who taught you to dance like this babe? so dirty~” jisung giggled teasingly as he happily pulled your hips closer.

with your drunken mental state, all your inhibitions were out the window. as a result, you turn around and give him a mischievous little giggle, before tugging him down by the front of his windbreaker.

“you’re one to talk, sungie~ i swear some of the choreo you boys do should only be seen in a strip club~” you said back with a voice so low that he almost couldn’t make out what you had said over the loud club music.

almost.

jisung thanked the stars and everything he knew that with his drunkenness and the dim club lighting his furious blush was easily hidden or able to be lied about. the normally ever-so confident quokka man stopped dead in his tracks as he swallowed thickly.

it was as if he could hear his heartbeat right up in his ears as he tried to recover, stammering out, “it’s not my fault the choreographers plan what they pl-plan.. you should see what th-they do to channie-hyung.”

“honestly though, i swear sometimes its like he wants to act like a man-whore,” jisung continued, only to be cut off by you.

“oh shut up sungie,” you said sarcastically as you tugged him even closer with your grip on his windbreaker, crashing your lips into his.

after taking a moment to reboot and process exactly what was happening to him, jisung starts to slowly kiss back. it's a passionate, messy, needy kiss. a kiss full of pent up feelings and desperation, tongues quickly making their way to meet as you stood up on tip-toes to reach him.

when you finally pull away, he looks down at you, swaying slightly as he pants. his eyes are wide, pupils blown as the only thing that exists in his world and mind right now is just you.

“we leave now?” jisung breathlessly asks, sounding more like a plead as he looks at you desperately.

“yeah sungie, lets go.”

…

it wasn’t long before you found yourselves in the elevator of your apartment, curious and needy hands roaming all over each other as jisung nuzzles into your neck.

before you left, you’d offered to just take jisung back to your own flat to make sure he got somewhere safe. it took little convincing to get chan to agree with you, after he trusted you and it meant one less trashed hungover boy to deal with in the morning.

once you finally had made your way into your apartment unit, the two of you were out in your lounge with you tugging jisung on top of you, kissing at whatever exposed skin you could find on each other.

jisung slowly begins to nip at your neck in a bratty way, being impatient after waiting for so long to touch you. it was such a primal, deep need for him to be close to you, to feel your touch, to keep you as his and be yours

with heat beginning to pool in your core, you desperately try to tug him closer. by this point, all of the passionate, desperate kisses and touches the two fo you shared had begun to leave you absolutely dripping. you hook a leg around his hip, whining as you feverishly rock your hips into nothing.

a nasty, dreadful feeling starts to loom over jisung as he pulls back slightly, biting his lip with nervousness as he looked down at you.

“h-hold on jagi i- fuck. i want you i really do baby i j-just don’t wanna do this drunk. wan’ be here for it wh-when i fuck you.. wan’ remember it,” jisung said with a worried look, not wanting you to take his sudden halting as a rejection.

you look up at him sweetly and cup his face with a smile.

“of course ji, i understand. i can wait. you promise when we’re sober you’ll fuck me good like a good boy?”

jisung is already nodding dumbly before you even finish, an electric shudder running down his spine as he hears the words ‘good boy.’

you then wrap your arms around him in a soft hug, kissing his jawline slowly as you smiled.

“can we still keep kissing at least?” you ask softly, your hand tracing circles in his upper back gently.

“mhm of course jagi i love your kisses.. i don’t know why i didnt kiss you sooner..” jisung cooed back at you as you tugged him closer again, your lips locking once more.

“hannie its okay, we didn’t do anything..” you try to reassure him, having remembered more of the later parts of the night than he did, “look, my panties and fishnets are still on-“

you lift the sheets to show him. your fishnets had seen better days of course, but remained intact worn over your panties. you add “there’s no way we would have took these off and put them back on, and the crotch of them is still intact.”

jisung blushes darkly as he watches you, his brain swimming with a hundred complicated thoughts a second. he was torn between wanting to keel over from the fear he had just started to come down from and intensely turned on by the sight of your panties. he notes the darkened staining between your legs, likely from the night before.

“god jagi trying to give me a heart attack before i’m thirty-“ jisung says with exasperation as he runs his hand through his hair again as he lays back into the bed, rubbing his temples. with a few slow breaths, he begins to settle.

“so.. what are we going to do about this..” you finally ask after thinking for a few moments, trying to address the elephant in the room.

“this?” jisung asks with an arm thrown over his eyes as he tries to piece together the bits and pieces of the night they’d had together.

“well.. you’ve got hickeys.. i’ve got hickeys.. my panties are still sticky from last night.. we clearly wanted to do something last night,” you say, taking a pause before adding, “plus… i’ve liked you for a while, sungie.. and i think.. you might like me too, given the way you treated me and spoiled me last night..”

jisung tried to swallow, his mouth feeling dry at the raw statement. you weren’t wrong, this wasn’t something you guys could gloss over anymore.

“i uh.. aish.. guess i’m caught eh?” jisung finally said with an awkward crooked smile, his face flushed”

“i really do like you, baby, i have for a while.. you drive me so crazy i can barely even stand it baby- you have no idea what you do to me,” jisung adds as he bites his lip.

you reach forward slowly, cupping his soft cheek and thumbing against his cheekbone. your lips ghost over his own, leaving him to lean up and close the gap.

this kiss was slow and passionate, full of care and intention. his lips felt even better now that you had all your senses to focus on him. when he pulls away, looking up at you with unfocused eyes.

“so… can we continue where we left off..? p-please..?” jisung asked, barely above a whisper as he finally allowed himself to look you over again. with his discomfort now dissipated, arousal begins to take over as he feels his cock begin to twitch in his boxers.

“well, you did promise me you would after all, baby,” you said sweetly to jisung, climbing up onto his lap and situating his now rock-hard erection right up against your hot, damp panties. he winced at the sensation, his cock so sensitive that he could feel each individual layer between the two of you.

with a slow, languid rock of your hips jisung lets out a high pitched, desperate whine. you both stare at each other, almost as if you both hadn’t been expecting the sound. in response, you repeat the action, leaving jisung melting completely under you.

“shit- jagiya… f-feels so good..” jisung mumbled as he covered his mouth with his hand.

“what do you want to do jisungie? you have to tell me what you want..~” you cooed teasingly at him, leaning forward to cup his flushed face as you smiled at him lovingly.

“r-ride me please.. pl-please.. y/n i need your pussy so bad..” jisung pleads with you, hands running up your plush thighs quickly and fiddling with the threads of the fishnets.

“ah-ah-ah~ no touching hannie… gotta keep your hands to yourself if you want me to do that,” you tisked him waiting until his hands fell beside each of his hips and looking up at you. only now do you lean down to help tug at the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down with relative ease.

jisung’s cock sprung up for action, the tip a fiery-hot red and leaking precum as he just breathed heavily, feeling almost dizzy with arousal. you licked your lips at the sight, giggling slightly at jisung as you start to work your fishnets and panties off.

just as you’re settling yourself back into his lap, he speaks up again, so soft you nearly didn’t hear. “t-take the shirt off t-too? i wanna see all of you…”

you blush slightly, biting your lip as you pull at the hem of the oversized pajama shirt you’d been wearing. jisung notices your hesitation and speaks up a little louder now.

“please baby? you’re a goddess… so perfect… i just wanna see.. i promise.. i won’t touch… j-just like you asked.”

with the reassurance, you lift the shirt over your head, taking a deep breath. as you refocus your attention to jisung, he’s staring your body all over, not seeming to focus on one place in particular.

he just found every single inch of you absolutely stunning. he meant it. you really were a goddess. finally, his gaze focuses on your drooling cunt. he licks his lips slightly in anticipation, clearly holding himself back from just tugging you fully into his lap and onto his length.

you took your time settling into his lap and rubbing the tip of his cock through your hot folds, allowing your slick and his precum to mix and gather on his dick. with a deep breath, you position yourself above his hard cock, slowly sinking down until he’d bottomed out.

jisung lets out a strangled sounding moan as he grips the sheets tighter, fighting every urge to reach up and grab your thighs. “h-holy shit- ahhhh~”

after sitting for a few moments, you begin to move at a slow pace, your tight pussy massaging his length with every upward motion you made then tightening down with every downward motion. you let out a few small huffs, steadying yourself against his shoulders as you finally get up to a steady rhythm.

all that can be heard in your bedroom now is the soft squelching of your soaking cunt sinking down onto his cock, the soft huffs and whines shared between the two of you and the subtle creak of the bed frame.

his dick seemed to curve perfectly into your clenching pussy, hitting every exact spot that made you absolutely see stars. it seemed like every passing moment the both of you feel deeper into your hyperfixation on each other. minds hot and dizzy, only able to focus on the intense and pleasurable sensations of their actions.

“can i please touch jagi..? please..? i wanna feel you” jisung croaked out, almost trembling beneath you as he started to rock up into you, trying to speed up your pace.

“so impatient baby boy… not yet.. keep up the thrusting though,” you panted out to him, leaning forward to rest your head on his forehead. now, you slip a hand down to rub lazy circles against your previously-neglected clit.

quickly, he leans up to capture your lips in a desperate kiss, trying to find any outlet for his energy that he could utilize other than his hands. he whines and whimpers against your lips as he feels completely overcome by the sensations of your gummy insides.

it didn’t take much longer before jisung felt himself begin to reach his snapping point, gasping and squirming underneath you as his grip on the sheets beside him left his knuckles white.

“j-jagi~ jagi i’m gonna cum- i’m gonna-“ he begins to say, before you cut him off.

“no. i’m not ready yet, baby.. you c-can cum when i cum baby..”

jisung cries out as he bites down hard on his lip, trying his best to hold back. his breath hitches in his throat as he strains against his own impending orgasm. as he does so, you feel the heat that had been pooling in the pit of your stomach beginning to intensify, the knot inside begging to tighten.

“y/n.. j-jagi.. i- fuck! m-mommy.. mo-mommy please…” he says, almost in a sob as he his hips thrash up hard against yours.

something about him calling you mommy sets a fire alight inside you. you almost groan out softly, feeling your own climax beginning to creep up on you.

“keep begging like that baby, keep begging for me.. i’m so close.. god you’re so filthy..” you breathe out as your head lolls back.

“please m-mommy i need to cum so bad.. please.. i need it… i need.. a-ahh…” jisung whimpers in his fucked-out state, unable to even formulate a proper sentence.

with that, the knot inside you snapped, your orgasm washing over you with intensity. you moaned out as your throbbing pussy clenched around his length, which finally caused him to bust. his hot cum shot up deep inside you, leaving you shuddering at the sensation as you collapsed against his chest with exhaustion.

a few moments later, you reached up and tiredly cupped his face again, looking up at him. “so good for me, baby… thank you sungie..” you said sweetly to him..

jisung panted softly as he tried to recover from the dizzying orgasm that you’d just given him, his thighs trembling from the feeling. when you sat up to look at him, he finally caught a good look of your pussy which was now left dripping and creamy with your mixed fluids.

“please can you sit on my face..?” jisung asked softly, squirming in sensitivity as he felt you adjust on top of him.

“what?” you ask softly, surprised at his request.

“mommy please.. your pussy looks s’ good.. wan’ clean you up.. wan’ make you feel good.. please.. please..” jisung looked up at you with tearful eyes, hands curled into the sheets by his sides as he panted beneath you.

“i suppose you do deserve a treat, don’t you hannie..” you answered his pleas lovingly.

you pulled up off of him slowly, shuddering at the sensation as your combined fluids begin to leak down your thighs with a creamy sheen. jisung had been such a good boy for you, listening so good. you couldn’t help but reward him with what he was exactly asking for.

“you can touch now baby… its okay..” you say softly through your own pants, crawling over him to situate your puffy, swollen cunt above him. in response, he quickly grips his hands to the backs of your thighs, just under your ass and pulling you down as close as he could.

you lurched forward harshly as you felt his warm tongue provide an eager and broad lick to your dripping, cum filled cunt, his hands tugging you down ever closer to his face. you swore this man was going to be the death of you…

#raeraewrites #raeraespicyseries #🖇️ ; anon #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz x reader smut #stray kids x reader smut #stray kids #skz #skz han jisung #skz han #skz jisung #stray kids han jisung #stray kids han #han jisung x reader #han jisung x reader smut #han x reader #han x reader smut #jisung x reader #jisung x reader smut

[sorrowsofsilence]

Faster II • Karlsson

Pairing: Jolly Karlsson x Fem!Reader

Words: 1.1k

Warnings: Smut (18+, unprotected PnV pls wrap it b4 u tap it), choking.

Prompt: you know what they say, guitarists finger faster.

PART ONE HERE

Author note: come here for a smooch my love @gretaswhore28 <3 This is just a small part 2 of the jolly oneshot ! (sorry its short I just wanted to get something out quickly today before work!) <3

THIS IS A FANFIC USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT THIS PERSON WOULD DO THIS IRL OR ACT LIKE THIS! ITS FICTION!

Tags: (just keeping the same tags as on part 1 in case anyone else is interested <3) @sammyjoeee @cookiesupplier @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @th4t-em0-k1d  @lans-angels @dsireland86 @whenthesummerdies @spicywhenspeaking

With hasty hands, Jolly unlocked the door to his townhouse, immediately attaching his lips to yours as his hands roamed across your torso again.

His inked fingers danced up your body towards your neck, gripping the skin as he held you, pinned against the wall within the entryway, rutting his hips against your own.

You moaned as his fingers squeezed, Jolly’s mouth breathing into your own, before a loud cough sounded from behind the two of you.

Jolly pulled away, whipping around to glare daggers at the man whose eyes smiled behind the coffee cup placed against his lips.

“Ahem,” Noah coughed, taking a sip before placing the cup down on the living room table, “It’s about goddamn time.”

Your face warmed as he watched with curious eyes before you rested your forehead on Jolly’s shoulder in embarrassment, laughing into his leather jacket.

“Leave,” Jolly muttered as he gripped your wrist, pulling you behind him as he led you up the stairs.

You smiled at Noah briefly and he flashed you a double thumbs up, before grabbing his keys.

“Yeah I’m on it, I don’t want to hear this,” He laughed, slipping on his shoes.

Jolly tugged you along, and as soon as the front door closed you were shoved into his room, his door slamming.

“Clothes off,” He mumbled against you, tugging at your skirt, as you lifted your shirt over your head, throwing it carelessly as your hands pulled against his face. You were left in your underwear.

“On the bed, ass up,” He pulled away, nodding toward the sheets. You obeyed, crawling all fours onto the fabric before bowing down, leaving your body shivering. Goosebumps ran across your skin in anticipation.

You watched as Jolly swiftly removed his jacket, tossing it to the floor in a form of desperation you’ve never seen. He was already showing against his jeans, the idea of pounding into you leaving him almost frothing from the mouth in desire.

Jolly needed you.

And finally, he got the chance to fuck you senselessly, exploring your body in all the ways he’s dreamed of.

His eyes bore into you as he watched you exposed on his bed in devotion to him, licking his lips in hunger. With his jeans still on Jolly approached you from behind, his hands worshiping your skin as they ran across your bare body, fingers hovering over your need.

He slapped the sensitive skin firmly and a gentle yelp left your throat as your stomach clenched in excitement.

“You’re so wet already,” Jolly chuckled lowly, his fingers gliding between your folds before he pushed them into you.

You relished in the feeling of his fingers, but your body craved his, needing to be full.

“Jolly,” You moaned, “Please just fuck me. I need you.”

You heard him groan at your words, your confession pushing him over the edge as he unbuckled his belt, freeing himself from the hem of his jeans. Jolly leaned over, spitting on your body before running himself along your anticipation.

Your breath quickened as you closed your eyes, absorbing his touch as he teased you, satisfied as he pushed against you, before pulling away.

“I want this to last forever,” Jolly shivered, “I have waited so fucking long that I want to remember everything.”

“Please Jolly,” You cried, pushing back into him as your knees ached.

He pushed your ass up with his free hand, the other positioning himself before sliding inside. Jolly immediately exhaled deeply, sighing in complete lust as he thrust into you slowly, both hands gripping your hips.

“Fuck you’re so tight,” It took everything in him to resist throwing his head back; he wanted to watch himself slide into you, your slick coating him completely.

You pushed into him, meeting his ruts as you craved him to go faster. Jolly’s pace picked up, fingers digging into the dip of your waist.

Jolly’s breath quickened as he began to fold over you, hands sliding down your back towards your head. He gripped your hair, pulling you up onto your arms as well, complete euphoria taking over as he watched the scene ahead of him.

"Faster," You pleaded.

Your lips fell open in ecstasy as inhumane sounds transpired from your tongue, the feeling of Jolly fucking you hastily leaving you speechless.

“On your back,” He commanded, and you flipped as he positioned you into missionary. You pulled your thighs to your chest, opening yourself fully towards him. Jolly’s fingers gripped your throat again, pushing you into the mattress as his hips pulled in and out, eyes dark with infatuation.

You closed your eyes but Jolly’s other hand gripped your chin, your gaze snapping open, “Eyes on me.”

Your brows furrowed as you obliged, succumbing to his need, and refusing to break eye contact.

Jolly fucked you in this position for a moment longer before flipping you back over, desperate to watch himself fuck you once again.

He leaned over your back, biting kisses along your skin, hips pounding you from behind.

You cried in pleasure as Jolly’s hands gripped both your wrists as he pulled them behind you, using his fingers as makeshift cuffs, refusing to let you go.

“Fuck,” You moaned, your orgasm climbing as your abdomen clenched in excitement.

“I need you to come around me,” He begged you, wanting anything you could offer.

The room was filled with a string of curses and erotic moans, the two of you completely indulging in one another. Your body could only handle a few more pumps of Jolly’s senseless fucking before you collapsed around him.

“Come inside me Jolly,” you pleaded as his hands pushed the side of your face into the mattress, his animalistic movements leaving you hungry and yearning.

“Fuck,” Jolly spoke through gritted teeth as you watched him absorbed in your body, his fingers gripping your wrists in a painful bind as his nails attacked your skin.

Within seconds Jolly’s body twitched within yours and you squeezed against him. Jolly’s head flew back in yearning, his body overcame with lust as he released into you, the guttural moan heaving from his chest causing your stomach to stir in admiration.

“Shit,” Jolly breathed quickly as he pulled out, satisfied as your mixed creation dripped from your desire, the smile on Jolly’s face prideful.

You sighed in contentment as you sat up, watching the man in front of you hover over your body as he attached his lips to your own, kissing you deeply.

Your lips moved entwined, completely fulfilled yet still hungry for one another.

“I just want to fuck you all day,” Jolly whined, pulling your body into his as you lay next to each other, engulfed by the moment.

“You can fuck me anytime you want,” you smiled, kissing him desperately again as his hands gripped your skin, ready to devour you again.

#bad omens #bad omens cult #bad omens band #bad omens smut #jolly karlsson smut #joakim jolly karlsson #jolly Karlsson #joakim karlsson smut #smut

[justmeinadaze]

Good Neighbors Part 13 (Steddie X Reader)

A/N: Some sugar to go with the sour from yesterday ;) This is the final chapter of this part of the series. Due to popular opinion and my own need to keep these beautiful fictional souls in my life I will continue their story in another series.

Love you, guys <3

Warnings: Steddie content and all that that implies ( I regret nothing!) There is a disgusting amount of fluff. I knew what I was doing when I was writing this lol Idk why but I felt like they need this.

Word count: 4300

Baby, head straight home after work. I’m picking up Dylan. Love you ;)

Steve Harrington, what are you two up to? Lol. 

You spent the rest of you workday thinking about all the things they could be planning. Next weekend was the big move and you were ecstatic that everyone would finally be under the same roof. 

After your shift, you did as you were told and headed back to the apartment. As soon as you opened the front door you were greeted with your beaming sibling. 

“Hey Kierra.” Your eyes scanned over her smiling frame. She looked gorgeous in a stunning pink sunflower style dress with her hair pulled up in a tight bun. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, my sweet sister. That is not for me to say but I AM supposed to help you get ready.” She takes your hand and guides you towards the bedroom where a beautiful white dress was laying on the bed. You glanced at her as your fingers delicately traced the material. 

“Kierra—”

“Come on, honey. Let them do their thing. They’ve been planning this for a while.”

The tears start to fall as you change especially after you catch you reflection of you in the garment. The silky fabric flowed down to your ankles as the lace hung delicately on your shoulders. 

“I know this may surprise you but Eddie wanted something shorter.” You both laughed as you whipped your eyes. 

“Kierra, I don’t deserve this.”

“Who says? Your idiot ex? Our mother? This narrow-minded town? Y/N, you deserve all the good things in this world. You were lucky enough to find not one but two people who love you unconditionally and seem to want to do anything for you to make you happy. You AND your son. Trust me, you deserve this.” She pulls you into a hug as you smile.

“Now…hair up or down? I’m thinking down.”

##################

Your sister holds your hand as she guides you across the way into the guy’s apartment. 

“Keep your eyes closed.”

“I’m starting to think I’m being kidnapped again.”

You grin when you hear Dylan giggle somewhere in the room. 

“Ok, you can open them now but please don’t ruin the absolutely fabulous make up work I did on your eyes.”

There was no way that was going to happen. As soon as they opened, you felt like you were going to burst into tears. 

Everything in their living room had been moved out of the way as a makeshift runway was made leading towards an archway made of white Christmas lights on their wall. Steve’s friend Robin was standing in the middle with a little book in her hand and a costume judges robe around her tiny frame.

The man himself was practically shining from head to toe next to her with his black suit and, of course, well styled hair. Eddie was beside him with a sexy, formal black suit as well with his hair pulled back away from his face. Dylan was standing behind them in a little green suit of his own and the men’s eyes followed yours to look down at him. 

“Yeah, our best man didn’t want to wear black to. He felt like he should stand out.” Eddie grinned as he lightly tapped him with his shoe.

“I…I don’t understand.”

Kierra placed a headband in your hair with a tiny veil attached to it before handing you a small bouquet of roses for you to hold. She loops her arm in yours as you both walk down the aisle. 

“Since daddy isn’t here, I’m talking over as the person giving you away but I’m still your maid of honor, God damn it.”

Dylan giggles but you’re still so in shock you can’t reprimand her.  

“We have a jar for that now, Kierra.”, Steve grins as he reaches for your hand. “Eddie and I thought that… since we can’t legally get married, we could do our own wedding.”

“No, no crying.” Your sister quickly comes around to dry your eyes, not able to hold in her own tears as she takes the flowers from your hand. 

“Are we ready?”, Robin smiles as Eddie grabs your other palm. “Cool. Hear ye, hear ye!”

Steve cringes as he laughs at her. 

“We have gathered her today in the eyes of God, the dope kid, and badass sister to witness these three come together in holy fake matrimony because this town is stupid.”

“Robin!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Do you have the rings, Harrington?”

Dylan jumps forward and hands Eddie a box who passes it to Steve. You can’t help but gasp when he opens it. Inside is a gorgeous three studded diamond ring around a silver band. The diamonds were small but you didn’t care. 

“We wanted to get something bigger but—”

You cut him off with your lips. “No, no. It’s perfect.”

Steve grins as he slides it on your ring finger. “The first time we saw you we knew we wanted to marry you. I know we can’t give you that but we at least wanted to be able to give you a symbol or something…”

“Sorry for skipping a few steps.”, Eddie cut in. “We wanted to do the whole get down on one knee thing but we also knew you would insist we didn’t have to do this so…”

“Are those your vows? Because they kinda suck.”

“Robin! Oh my god.” Steve playfully pushes her as she laughs. “I’m not good with the words. He’s the musician.”

“I play guitar. I’m not a front man.” He smiles at you. “But I do love you and of course your spawn.”

“Hey!” Dylan pouts making you giggle. 

“You know you never have to worry with us.” Eddie continues. “We never want you to feel like you did when you were married to Charlie.”

“You’re safe with us to. In sickness and in health and all that.” Steve chuckles. “I love you to AND your offspring.”

Kierra taps your shoulder, handing you a box of your own. “Now, this was tasked to me and Dil. We didn’t tell you guys but he had engraving placed in each wedding band. I paid for that myself because I thought it was the sweetest thing.”

She handed you the one for Steve, beaming after reading the inscription and handing it to him. 

“Hear this now, I will always come for you.” 

The Princess Bride was one of the few movies Steve was able to introduce to Dylan and was actually surprised he hadn’t seen it already. 

“Dude, it has sword fighting and a princess and all that fantasy stuff you like! How have you not seen it?” He looked at you with wide eyes. “How have you not shown this to him yet?”

“I don’t know! We just never got around to it.”

Steve smirks as he playfully takes you in his arms and dips you to the side. 

“Hear this now, I will always come for you!”

You dramatically throw your hand over your forehead. “But, how can you be sure?”

He laughs as he pulls you upright and places a soft kiss on your lips. “This is true love. You think this happens every day.”

He smiles at the words before sliding the ring on his finger. “Thanks, Little Man.”

You grin at Eddie’s as you pass it to him. 

“Life is ours, we live it our way.”

“Eddie!”

He stops strumming his guitar to look up at you from the chair he was sitting at in Dylan’s room. 

“Hey, sweetheart. Welcome home.”

“Why thank you. What are you two doing?” You smile as your son flashes you his guitar. 

“Eddie’s showing me Met-al-ick-ah.”

The metalhead smiled at his pronunciation.

“Oh yeah? Well go on, rockstar.” You jump onto Dylan’s bed behind him as Eddie starts playing again. 

“Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words, I don't just say And nothing else matters.”

He winks at you as you blush. 

“Dude, this so metal. Thank you.” Eddie slides on his ring as well before glancing at you. 

Both men notice you fanning your face with your hand, trying not to cry. 

“Ugh, you people are going to kill me.” You let out a breathy laugh, handing them your ring to read. 

“I had to cut this quote down a bit, I’m afraid.” Your sister wrapped her arms around you. 

“We are only as strong as we are united…”

“Like us, right mom?”

“What do you mean, weirdo?” You close the Harry Potter book around your hand so you can focus on him. 

“Well, right now, Eddie and Steve are over there and we are here. But soon we will be together at the house. That will make us stronger. Right?”

“When did you get so smart?”

Dylan smiled as hugged your torso. “I was born with a big brain.”

You slide the ring down on your finger, staring at how it looked. After you left Charlie, you told yourself you were never going to do anything like this again. It just hurt too much and Dylan didn’t need all that stress. But seeing your hand, your son’s big grin, and all the effort these two men but into you…you wished this was real. Well, the wedding anyway. Their love for you was more than real and greater than anything you had ever experienced. 

“Y/N.”, Robin tapped your arm. “Did you want to say something?”

“God,” you laugh as you wipe your eyes. “There’s so much I want to say but it’s either cheesy or too much.”

“I’m sure it’s not too much.”, Eddie grins.

“That right there. You guys saying things like that and actually meaning it. Before you two the only man I ever trusted was seven years old.” Dylan beams at your comment. “Thank you for…for everything. In sickness and in health and all that.” Everyone chuckles especially the boys. 

“Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Steven the Hair Harrington and Edward the freak we need to come up with a different nickname for you because you aren’t a freak Munson to be your unlawfully wedded husbands in sickness and in health and all that… till death do you part.”

“I do.”

“And do you Steven the floofy Hair Harrington and Edward not a freak Munson take Y/N Y/L/N to be your unlawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health and blah blah… till death do you part?”

“Of course.”, Steve smiles.

“Fuck yeah.” Eddie grins as you reach over to smack his chest.

“Hey, kiddo? You take them to?”, Robin leans over so she can see Dylan who was now sitting on the couch. 

“Yup!”

“Awesome. By the power vested in me by no one because who would trust me with that kind of power, I now pronounce you fake husbands and fake wife. You may now disgustingly kiss.”

Steve jerks your arm, bringing you closer to him as his lips fall to yours. You smile as he spins to Eddie who dips you in his own arms before tenderly placing a kiss on your lips. 

“Ew!”

“Agreed, kid.” Robin smiles as she shimmies out of her robe. “Ok, love birds. Let’s eat! I’m starving.”

#####################

You, your sister, and the boys lay on the floor casually passing a flask between each other as Dylan snores on the couch. Robin had already left, needing to get home to her girlfriend.

“You guys seriously didn’t have to do this.”

“We know. That’s why we didn’t tell you because we knew you would try to talk us out of it.” Eddie laughs as he runs his hand through your hair. 

“Dad would have loved it.” Kierra cranes her neck to smile at you. 

“Do you think he would have liked us?”, Steve asks.

“Oh yeah. One guy to watch football with and another to talk shop while playing guitar? Hell, HE would have asked to marry you.” You cackle at your sister’s comment. 

“Alllllright, kids…” She clings to the bottom of her dress as she stands. “I’m exhausted.”

Instead of heading for the door, she loops towards the couch to pick up your son. 

“Um, excuse me. That little human is mine.”

“I know.” Dylan wraps his sleepy arms around Kierra’s neck. “I’m going to tuck him in for you and crash on your bed.” She leans in to kiss your cheek before opening the door and heading across the way. “Enjoy your honeymooooon.”, she sings.

You smile as you lock up and as soon as you turn around you bump into a broad chest who abruptly lifts you in his arms. 

“Steve!”, you giggle as he carries you across the threshold of his bedroom. 

“You know, this is probably the last time for a while that you can be REALLY loud.” He grins as he places you on the mattress and lays down on top of you.

Your body bounces as Eddie jumps in beside you. “Boys!”, you laugh at them as two sets of lips find their way to your neck. “You act like I’m going off to war or something.”

Steve shimmed down to the end of the bed, lifting each one of your legs to take off your shoes before gliding his hands up your skin bringing the dress along with him. 

“Wait, hang on. You have to…Eddie…in the back.” You sit up, giving the man some room to unhook the tiny buttons holding it to you. He lifted the fabric over your head and casually tossed it to the floor. 

“Wait!” You hand reached Steve’s when you noticed he was unbuttoning his shirt. “Can you guys keep them on for a while?” You push up your knees so you can bring your lips to his. “I just think you look really handsome.”

“Harrington,” Eddie beckoned him with his finger. Steve’s hand held the lower part of your back as he lifted you up and laid you back down, leaning his head to his friend as the metalhead whispered something in his ear. 

“What are you two planning now?”

“Just lay back, sweetheart.” His lips reached down to kiss yours as you felt Steve rest his upper body between your legs. His own lips placing small kisses along your inner thigh before using his fingers to open your folds. 

You moaned into Eddie’s mouth as he licked long stripes up towards your clit, stopping to suck on it with a slight pop before repeating the process. 

“Steve’s always really good with his mouth, isn’t he?” You nod at his question as you lick your lips, throwing your head back as you mewl. His mouth traveled down your frame, stopping to flick his tongue around one of your nipples making your pussy clench around nothing. 

You whined his name as he continued his trek down your body.

“I’m not going far, Princess. Trust me.”

“Fuck!”, you exclaimed as Eddie’s tongue grazed your nub.

Steve made room for him bringing his own tongue to your entrance while the other boy hung over one of your legs, wrapping his mouth around your little bundle of nerve. 

With nothing to hold on to you clawed at the sheets, panting at the overwhelming feeling of both of their lips and tongues between your legs. 

“Fuck, please. Please…” They pushed you over the edge as you came not even slowing their pace as you did. 

You leaned up on your elbows to watch them as Steve inserted two of his fingers in your hole while Eddie did the same with your clit, using two of his digits to rotate fast circles against you. They pressed their lips together, tasting you on their breath. 

Steve groaned as Eddie’s mouth followed his jawline to his neck. The pleasure on his face drove you wild as you felt the coil in your belly slowly tighten. As you viewed them through hooded eyes, you had a realization. They didn’t just “marry” you but each other as well. 

They had told you before in previous relationships they had never been allowed to explore that side of their relationship until you. They loved each other as much as they loved you. 

A small smile spread across your face as the coil snapped and you came harder than you had before. 

“St-Steve.” You shakily sat up with Eddie quickly shuffling behind you to be your chair. “We…we have never… fuck that was amazing.” The three of you laughed as you fell back against the man behind you.

“Take your time, honey. We have all night.” Steve’s beautiful smile warmed your heart.

“How would you feel…being in the middle…”

“Oh. But tonight’s about you, baby.”

“No”, you corrected. “It’s about us. I mean, of course, you don’t have to. I just…seeing you just now practically come apart with his lips on your throat. Oh my god… Imagine what his cock would do.” 

You can’t see it but Eddie is beaming with pride behind you as he winks cheekily at Steve. 

“Let’s do it.” He grins as you squeak with delight. “Are we allowed to take the suits off, ma’am?”

“Why yes, Mr. Harrington. You may.” 

Eddie is the first to get his suit off, not really taking the same care as Steve does to take off one piece at a time. You crawl to him on the bed with your knees and wrap your arms around him as you kiss his lips. 

“I love you.”

“I love you to, Princess.”

You mimic his early motions, leaving open mouth kiss down his chest and stomach as his hands gently pull through your hair. He moans above you as you take his dick in your hands and glide you tongue along the tip. Your eyes flick upward when you hear small smacking sounds to see Steve cupping Eddie’s cheeks as he kisses his lips. 

“Fuck…”, he groans as your mouth wraps around his length, steadily bobbing your head. You take him as deep as you can causing him to grunt with every gag. Steve sits beside you on the bed, licking his fingers before reaching under you to stroke your clit. 

“Yes, Sweetheart. Fucking hell.”, he responds to the vibration from your moan. You pull off him continuing to pump his cock with your palm as you look at Steve. 

“Are you ready, baby?”

He nods as he removes his fingers and waits for direction. You whisper to Eddie who responds with a smile and small peck on your nose. As he heads for the dresser to find the lube, you guide Steve towards his pillows, laying his head back against them. 

You straddle his waist as his hands come up to grip yours, holding on to you as you position his cock near your entrance and slowly slide him inside of you. 

You grind your hips against his, your eyes rolling back at the feeling. “Jesus, Steve. You always feel so good.”

When you stopped moving, his eyes opened as a nervous breath escaped his lips. Eddie positioned himself between the man’s legs, rubbing the lube over his cock with his fist. You leaned down, hovering your face over his.

“It’s ok, baby. If you start feeling uncomfortable just tell us.”

He smiled up at you, holding his breath as he waited. 

Steve’s mouth opened slightly, his eyebrows furrowing as Eddie began guiding his dick into him. You felt his fingertips dig into your skin as the boy behind you leaned his forehead on your back.

“Are you okay, Eds?” He responded by kissing your spine. 

“What about you, honey?” Steve didn’t say anything either but his face had relaxed a lot more. When you slowly started grinding your hips again, the sound that left his mouth made your pussy flutter around him. “Does it feel good?”

Eddie froze when he bottomed out and you took the opportunity the drift back down towards the man underneath you. “Talk to me, Steve.”

“I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

His body began to move as the metalhead began doing small thrusts into him. “Can’t talk.”

“Does it hurt?”

He adamantly shook his head. “Feels…good. Really good.”

Steve’s mouth opened into a silent moan as you straightened so you could ride him. Eddie’s chin landed on your shoulder. 

“How does he feel?”

“Sweetheart, you have no idea.”

“Eddie, you…you can go faster.” Steve’s voice came out whiney as if he was begging. 

“Lean back down, Princess.”

You did as you were told as he began thrusting into Steve with much more purpose. When his hips pushed into him, his stomach nudged against you allowing your waist to grind on the cock inside of you. 

You whimpered as two sets of hands gripped your body; one set pulling you back the other moving you forward. Steve’s neck craned up to wrap his mouth around your breast as you moaned, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair. 

“I’m… fuck…”

You sat up, grinding faster against him as Eddie’s arm came around to hold your chest. Steve watched in aw as you turned to kiss the metalhead, your tongues dancing with one another. He swallowed your moans as you came, trembling as you leaned your head back to shout their names.

You grinned as you panted, climbing off of Steve and falling to the side. Without you in the way, Eddie leaned down closer to the other boy’s chest as he pushed deeper into him. 

You watched them in an aw of your own. The way they moaned especially Steve was obscenely beautiful. Rolling on to your side, you kissed his shoulder up to his lips.

“He feels amazing, doesn’t he? Eddie knows how to hit just the right spots.” His honey eyes stare at you as you lick your palm and reach down to stroke his cock. 

“Fuck me…”

“Cum, baby. Cum for us.” 

Steve eyes close as Eddie delivers a few hard thrusts. He searches for you as he pulls your mouth to his, giving you a sloppy open mouth kiss as he cums, spilling ropes of his seed onto your hand and Eddie’s tummy. 

The other man chases his own high, gripping on to Steve’s legs. The sound of skin slapping fills the room as he releases inside of him. They both pant aggressively before Eddie gently pulls out of and falls onto Steve’s chest. You stroke his hair, pushing it out of his face and finding a soft smile. 

Tumbling off the bed, you disappear into the bathroom and come back with a wash rag.

“Eddie, sweetie, you have to move.” You grin as he shakes his head before groaning and rolling to the side. To both of your surprises, Steve wraps his arm around him, bringing his head back to his chest. His fingers tangled through his hair as you cleaned him up. 

After throwing the rag in a near by hamper, you grab one of their shirts off the floor, throwing it around your shoulders before lazily buttoning it up. 

“I love you guys.” Steve’s voice is low and gravelly as you crawl back into bed beside him. “I’m serious. I know I don’t say it a lot or as much as I should but—”

You tenderly place your hand on his lip, cutting him off. “We don’t doubt you, baby. Trust me. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. Even just the bare minimum, ya know? Eddie tells me stories all the time about you two and how you’ve been there for him.” The boy turns on to his chin to look up at Steve and smile. 

“Oh my god and Dylan. Weirdo never shuts up about how cool he thinks you are and how happy you make him when you hang out with him. Steve,” you lean up on your elbow so you can look down at his face. “We know you struggle with words but its ok. You show us every day that you love us.”

He grins, craning his neck to kiss your lips.

##############

Eddie runs up behind you and quickly takes the box you were carrying to the house out of your hands. 

“No ma’am.” He sticks his tongue out at you as he jogs inside the front door. 

“Are you guys seriously not going to let me help!?”, you call after him. 

He sprints past you stopping to kiss your cheek before jumping into the moving truck. You smile as you watch both men bring down the couch with Dylan laying on top of it. 

“Oh sure. I can’t lift boxes but he can get carried around?”

“Shit, she’s right.” You lightly smack Steve’s chest as they set down the sofa. “You, off.” He points to your son who giggles as he slides down. Strong arms suddenly lift you in the air and lay you on the furniture.

They grin at each other as they lift the piece of furniture again. “Yeah, that’s better.”

“I hate you both.”

“No you don’t.” They set the couch down in the living room and Eddie reaches for your hand helping you back up. 

“Why don’t you and little man start going through stuff?”

You scowl jokingly at Steve.

“Oof. Beware that look, gentleman. It means trouble.” Eddie’s uncle strides through the doorway. 

“Hi, Wayne!” Dylan runs to him and gives him a hug. 

“See? We got more help. And Robin’s coming over later to.”

“Oh? Are you going to make her stay inside to? I’d love to see that.”

“Are you kidding? Robin’s scary. She can do whatever she wants.” Steve chuckles as he rapidly runs away back towards the truck with Eddie and Wayne in tow. 

“What do you say, weirdo? Want to help me get our new home put together?”

############

@adequate-superstar @kalinaselennespeaks @luna-munson83

@decadentwombatmiracle @katie-tibo @marsupiooo

@local-stoner-bitch @steamystrangerfics @lunatictardis

@actuallyspencerreid @moviefreak1205

@waylandmorgernsternherondal-blog

@kik51199 @strngrlytn @idkidknemore @damon-loves-pie

@k-k0129 @micheledawn1975 @eddie86baby

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @3rriberri

@sashaphantomhive @chelebelletx @big-ope-vibes @skyesthebomb

#steddie x reader #steddie fluff #steddie smut #steddie fanfiction #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #eddie fanfic #eddie stranger things #steve fanfic #steve smut #steve stranger things #joe keery #joseph quinn #stranger things #fan fiction

[ceilingfan5]

If you're still looking for an object + emotion prompt, "holographic vampire sticker" + "I am looking Respectfully???" for Taakitz pls?

“Hey, sick stickers,” the barista that Kravitz has been dreaming about like some kind of avenging angel whispers, cleaning tables conspicuously close to Kravitz’s set up in the cafe. 

He can’t help it. He jumps, embarrassing himself properly when he bumps his coffee and it slorshes unto the table. He scrambles to save his piles and suffocating piles of papers, and barista-angel, Taako, if his nametag can be trusted, which is doubtful, comes to the rescue. 

“Man,” he laughs. “Why didn’t you have the lid on?”

Kravitz sweats. 

“Is that why you have whipped cream on your nose?”

Kravitz imagines leaving the country. 

“Um,” he manages. “Hello.” It isn’t as suave as he hoped. Like if suave got ran over, frozen,  put in a blender, and transmitted via am radio in that order. You can hear the texture, and it’s really…something. “What?”

‘Taako’, probably, laughs, a goofy, musical sort of thing that makes Kravitz’s guts squeeze like some sort of non-FDA approved “medical” “equipment”. 

“You good, dude? You want to start over?”

“Yes!” Kravitz wants to disappear completely, but this angel is not, apparently, an angel of mercy. “Hi. Hello. Thank you for liking- I’m- they’re good stickers, yeah.”

“I like the vampire one.” He leans over and his floppy frilly shirt with the crazy sleeves for baristaing falls open over his apron, and Kravitz can see all the way to his navel. He can’t look away. He’s looking respectfully, please, please, please, he promises. 

“The, uh, the, holographic- I’m sorry, I promise I can sound like an adult man in control of himself, can I-” Kravitz takes a breath. “Yeah, they’re good, do you like vampires?”

“Hell yeah.” Taako grins, and shoots up (noooo, don’t go, Kravitz was catching a glint of a happy trail on his tummy and having Church Sanctioned Thoughts For Sure.) He throws an arm out and pretends to hide behind a cape. “Bleehhhh, I vant to suck your dick!”

Two paths diverge in front of Kravitz. There’s a breezy, sun-dappled path called Oh yeah? The feeling is mutual, stud, what time do you get off? Because if you want to get off, I’m your guy. 

The other is a steep downhill bear infested boulder plinko, called flipping his coat out like a cape, adopting the thickest dracula he can, and making a horrid face, firing right back at his blessed saint Taako, if that is his real name, “You thought I vas arousink you for horny reasons, but now all your blood is in your dick! I’ve got you now, ah- ah- ah- ah!”

Guess which path Kravitz careened down like his life depended on it. Guess. Guess.

But Taako doubles over laughing, knocking Kravitz’s nearest stack of books down. Oh no. 

“Ah- I’ve-” but Taako’s already grabbing Kravitz’s erotica research off the floor, and his eyebrows go Way Up. 

“Lookin’ up new methods?” he teases. 

“Writing original fictions,” Kravitz says, dying a thousand days. Maybe two thousand. And a half. 

“Fuck yeah, that sounds rad. Not vampire erotica, is it?” Taako looks interested. Taako looks interested??

“Not this one, but my last one, yes? Yeah? Do you- are you. Interested in vampire erotica? I have a copy in my bag, I could even sign it for you-”

“Mmmmm,” Taako grins. He grabs Kravitz’s pen and scrawls a phone number right on top of his notes. He crosses his sevens. That’s so hot of him. “I’m illiterate. How about you dramatize it for me.”

“I can do that,” Kravitz manages, swallowing thickly. “I can do that. I, hey, you’ll be an expert in the plot when you walk away.” 

“Sweet,” Taako winks, turning and heading back to work. “I’m really into plot.”

Kravitz sits there, stunned. He wonders if Taako’s serious, or if he’s just been fucked with. He wonders if he asks real nice, he can go ask for more whipped cream, cause his is gone, gone, gone like a freight train, or maybe a goofy sugar-crafted train like you’d ride to Candyland. Is there good infrastructure in Candyland? What’s their taxation like? Surely not great, right? It is a monarchy-

And then Taako jump-turns, stanced, and lifts his apron for one more “BLEHHHHHHHH!”

And Kravitz knows he’s got a chance. 

#taz #taakitz #for real #taakitz fic #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #fan5fics #tazb #taz balance #didja miss me.

[monstersinthecosmos]

🔥 + kink in VC

(also thinking like in comparison to Anne's other books like CoSB and realizing VC is so fucking mild and antis have no business being in Anne Rice fandom)

Dsjgkalsdg comrade why are you asking me this you know I’m about to launch into a TED Talk.

So like, if we compare Anne’s Sleeping Beauty books to VC, I feel like the kink is meta in two completely different ways, like opposite ends of the spectrum. In SB, the BDSM is meta in the sense that it’s built into the universe. They are not books ABOUT BDSM, they are books about fantasy and the kinks just get to exist. It’s an immersive fantasy that takes all the ways people play IRL and makes it canon. And a lot of people who dislike them (based on like bad GoodReads reviews LOL) ONLY see them as rape books and don’t really understand the way it’s giving BDSM a space to breathe.

What vanilla folks don’t understand is that IRL BDSM is also fiction a lot of the time. Even tame shit like spanking and talking dirty—do these people actually want their partners to hit them in their day-to-day lives? Do they want to be catcalled and lewded outside of the scene? Probably not! And even going to more in depth scenes like, do you actually think you’re someone’s kitty? Do you actually want an assailant to tie you up? Do you actually want to be trafficked?

No! You dont’! You want to play pretend with your partner, with whom you’ve consented.

And I think this attitude in the bad reviews is also the attitude that fanfic writers get from conservatives/radfems/swerfs/fancops in fandom, that somehow writing noncon fic or darkfic in general is somehow making these atrocious things literal, when in fact THEIR EXISTENCE WITHIN A WORK OF FICTION AUTOMATICALLY MAKES THEM NOT LITERAL. And people need to understand that the consent for stories like this is not about the fictional people involved who do not exist and therefore cannot consent, but between the reader and the author when you open the book.

Anyway I bring that up because these books tell me a lot about Anne’s sensibility for kink. SHE GETS IT MAN. She wasn’t shy about it. So I think it speaks very broadly to the way power dynamics and monsterfuckery are expressed within VC, as well, even though these are two very opposite ends of the spectrum with her writing, I think that same confidence and kink positivity still exists. There's also a foreward to the copy of SB that I read, I think she added in 2012, and it was SO insightful about her process and her intention writing the kink & porn the way she did and I just think she really fucking understood what she was doing. And it's so telling to me because like, she mentions she used the pen name when she first wrote them because her father was alive and she was embarrassed, and one of the first scenes in SB is Beauty being stripped naked and paraded around IN FRONT OF HER FATHER LOL. So like WITHOUT GOING OFF ON A SIDE TANGENT something else vanilla folks don't understand is that so often kink is about the thing being transgressive and gross and uncomfortable; IT'S HOT BECAUSE IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE. It's not something that anyone literally wants, it's just hot because it's WRONG. And I think often about how this is like, the sex equivalent of trying not to laugh at an off-color joke, and how it's not that the joke is funny but that it's so off-putting that you laugh at the absurdity of it.

I feel like the kink in VC is meta in an opposite way, in the way it’s so symbolic and understated. Also because the vampires are asexual it gives a whole layer of like non-sexual BDSM dynamics are it’s SO GOOD. 

So I think coming from an author was not squeamish about writing immersive BDSM, a lot of those themes are in VC and I wonder if they come from the same place, even if it’s subliminal on her part. Like the power dynamics, consent around biting, THE CONSTANT MONSTERFUCKING & FLIRTING WITH DEATH AKA “THE SWOON”. And even later in TVA with the introduction of the whipping scene and all Armand’s comments about getting tied up and having his fuckin, pit hair tugged on or whatever. 

And it has some of those like sort of dubcon romance tropes that I think we can’t discard; being TAKEN! Being OVERPOWERED! It ties into vampire fiction in general with like, vampires historically being a symbol of sexuality, going back to like Dracula comin in ur window and everything. 

But VC never makes it “about” kink, it’s just like SB, just baked into the themes. And like a lot of the more obvious BDSM themes in VC are also not consensual, they’re just built into the universe. Like Armand stalking/abusing Daniel, like Marius whipping Armand without negotiating first, like Akasha’s femdom murder bender. And even how often biting gets used as a symbol for sex, and how often noncon biting gets called rape! And the characters know it! And they do it anyway! (Also I cannot neglect to mention obvious tropes like Marius/Armand just being a teacher/student trope. IT'S A PORN TROPE! Or what about Gabrielle as Mommy!Dom? PORN TROPE! Quinn/Goblin twincest? PORN TROPE! The exhibitionism/public humiliation on the TDV stage hello???? That's like an Upper Floor party come on LOL. [this type of dynamic is also SO SO prevalent in SB.])

I’m not really sure what my conclusion here is because like, I just think this is all here in the books and it’s really excellent fodder to talk about kink and character dynamics. Power dynamics is so huge in BDSM and it’s so so huge in VC, not just like, vampires being old and powerful and having that as a status symbol over one another, but even emotionally speaking like. TELL ME THAT ARMAND & LESTAT AREN’T ABSOLTUELY SOAKED IN HUMILIATION AND BEGGING. Taking inventory of VC ships like there’s ALWAYS a dominant and a submissive, it’s so rare that people are just equals with each other, and it’s always part of the appeal! 

There’s this psychologist Esther Perel, I think she’s brilliant and she’s very kink positive and has a bunch of podcasts and stuff. I read her book Mating in Captivity and she brought up this whole thing about kink and power dynamics and how like, it’s not always clear who’s in charge, and you can’t judge relationships based on who’s older, who makes more money, who’s larger, etc, because power dynamics are so much more complicated than that. She uses the example that if you’ve ever been in public with a screaming toddler, which of you is really the dominant? I think about this constantly!

And like speaking about real life kink being so deeply about CONSENT means so much to me with this conversation about VC, too, because like even looking at a relationship like Marius & Human!Armand or Armand and Human!Daniel, it doesn’t matter that one is a powerful vampire if they also feel so tenderly towards their fragile little human. TVA was very explicit about this when they have that conversation about which one of them is the other’s slave. So in BDSM even though we look at the dom as being the one in control, the consent is the thing in control and ultimately the SUB is in control by permitting all of it! 

So I just feel very strongly about all of this, it’s all over VC, and even when it’s less obvious (relationships like Loustat, like Lestat/Armand, even Louis/Claudia) there are so many of these power elements to examine. Even if it’s not written TO BE KINKY they’re still there and I think it’s all connected, because I’m kink positive and I love unpacking this stuff. 

AND ALSO LIKE ON THE ASEXUAL FRONT, I love it so much because like as a kinky ace, and knowing as many kinky aces as I know, there’s SO MUCH KINK out there that is NOT SEXUAL so I think it just translates so nicely to VC vampires being asexual, like it all makes so much fucking sense to me and it’s so fun and I adore it so much!!! 

THIS WAS PURE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS IM GONNA POST IT BEFORE I GET WORRIED THAT IM NOT COHESIVE, ENJOY!!! 

#asexual vc #KINK META #deep ass thoughts about vampires

[chuncao]

Proposal

“Oppa! I know who I want to marry in the future!” 

“Huh?” 

Yoo Mia - his sister - excitedly exclaimed. Yoo Joonghyuk instantly whipped his head to her side. They were sitting in the living room, Yoo Joonghyuk playing on his switch while his sister watching some cartoons on the TV. 

“I want to marry Kim-seonsaengnim! He’s really pretty.” 

She dreamily sighed. Kim-seonsaengnim? Oh, that kindergarten teacher of hers. Yoo Joonghyuk had heard enough of the teacher from his sister that he remembered the man loved to read novels and hated to eat tomatoes. He also knew that Yoo Mia was especially fond of this teacher, judging from how she couldn’t stop talking about him every time she came home from school. 

“Today Kim-seonsaengnim made me a heart, isn’t it pretty?” 

The pink heart origami was badly folded but his sister looked at it as if it was the most precious treasure in the world. She still kept it on one of her bedside drawers where little trinkets could be found. 

“Today when we went to the park, Kim-seonsaengnim told me that I’m prettier than the flowers there!” 

The teacher must have said it to all of the students in the class but his sister somehow mistook it for herself. Really, where did she get her confidence from? 

The list went on and on. But one thing for certain was that his sister was obsessed with this Kim-seonsaengnim.

“Yeah?” 

Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t pay much attention to her words. He was busy defeating this particularly hard boss in the game he was playing. 

“I’m serious, Oppa!” 

The girl went to where he was lying and blocked his view from the screen. Now that he couldn’t see what was going on, Yoo Joonghyuk had no choice but to entertain his sister. 

“Then why do you want to marry him?” 

“He’s pretty! He’s nice! And he called me a princess too!” 

His sister giggled. Yoo Joonghyuk loved his sister, but sometimes he had no idea what was inside her 5-year-old tiny brain. 

“But what if Kim-seonsaengnim doesn’t want to marry you? You know you have to get his consent too right?” 

He tried to reason with her. Wanting to marry a fictional character is one thing but wanting to marry her teacher is a completely different matter. 

“I know! But Kim-seonsaengnim said he loved me too so our feelings are mutual!” 

When did she learn to use the word ‘mutual’? Seriously, his sister was growing too fast for him to catch up with. 

“But Mia-ah-“ 

“Joonghyuk-ah, Mia-ah, dinner is ready!” 

The voice of their mother calling them from the kitchen disrupted him. At the sound of ‘dinner’, his sister perked up, running straight to the dining room. Yoo Joonghyuk, now left alone in the living room, sighed inwardly. 

“I hope it’s just a one-time thing.” The boy thought to himself.  

— 

Yoo Joonghyuk was seriously sleep-deprived. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a sleep that lasted more than 5 hours. These days, he was busy studying for the upcoming finals. Normally, he wouldn’t try this hard but his parents had promised him that if he managed to get first place, they would finally buy him the PC that he had been begging for. Therefore, Yoo Joonghyuk studied like crazy, even abandoning sleep for the sake of learning new English vocabulary. 

“Joonghyuk-ah, I’m busy so can you go pick Mia up for me today?” 

A message arrived when he was solving some math questions. Tomorrow was finally the exam day so Yoo Joonghyuk decided to go over the mock exams again. 

Yoo Joonghyuk looked into his phone to see that it’s already been half past three, meaning that Mia would get off soon. He quickly brushed his hair, changed his clothes, locked the door, and hopped on the bike. It took him 15 minutes to get to the kindergarten and by the time he’d arrived, he could already see parents coming in and out of the school to pick up their children. 

Leaving his bike in the parking area, Yoo Joonghyuk walked to where his sister's class was. While he had taken her to school numerous times, this was the first time he came to pick her up. Because Yoo Joonghyuk had to be in time for his classes, they usually arrived at the kindergarten quite early in the morning, when there weren’t much people. As a result, he found it quite strange for the place to be filled with people walking around. 

“Hello, I come to pick up Yoo Mia.” 

Yoo Joonghyuk talked to the teacher that was standing closest to the classroom’s door. He recognized her as the female teacher who was always here early in the morning. Her name was Yoo Sangah, right? 

“Ah, you are Mia’s brother! Please wait a moment, I’ll go get her for you.” 

She gave him a small smile before heading in. A few moments later, Yoo Joonghyuk saw his sister coming out of the classroom, her hand holding someone’s. Apparently, she was talking to that person. 

“Kim-seonsaengnim, why don’t you want to marry me? I thought you loved me!” 

Yoo Mia pouted, her voice sounded like she was whining. 

“Mia-ah, teacher can’t marry you. Don’t you know that?” 

The other person gently answered her while giving her a pat on the head. 

Wait, Kim-seonsaengnim? Isn’t that the same teacher who Yoo Mia wanted to get married with? He thought it was just a one-time thing but who knew she could be this persistent. 

“Look, isn’t that your brother? See you tomorrow, Mia-ah.” 

The teacher suddenly looked in his direction. The moment their eyes met, Yoo Joonghyuk felt his heart skip a beat. The man was… really pretty. Black smooth hair, porcelain white skin, long thick eyelashes, and red pump lips. His eyes were particularly appealing, reminding Yoo Joonghyuk of the starry nights that he saw once on a hiking trip in the countryside. The boy didn’t know why but he couldn’t take his eyes off the other man. 

“No! I won’t go home until you agree to marry me!” 

His sister crossed her arms, refusing to move an inch. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to apologize for her behaviors, but his mouth just didn’t listen to him. He was too busy looking at how the white apron the teacher was wearing really fitted his slender figure. 

“I’m sorry, Mia’s brother. She is usually more well-behaved than this. I’ll try to persuade her.” 

The man gave him an apologetic smile before crouching down to face his sister. Shit, even his smile was out of the world. If his eyes were small stars hanging in the night sky, his smile felt like one of those bright constellations that could be seen without a telescope. It was dazzling, so dazzling that Yoo Joonghyuk forgot how to breathe. Now he could partly understand why his sister wanted to marry the man. 

“Mia-ah. If you go home now, I promise that I would make you some flowers tomorrow. Didn’t you say that you wanted one today?” 

The teacher smiled sweetly at his sister. Somewhere in his heart, Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to become the recipient of that smile. 

“No, I don’t want flowers. I want you to marry me!” 

The girl mumbled before turning to where Yoo Joonghyuk was standing. 

“Oppa! Can you tell Kim-seonsaengnim to marry me? I promise that I will eat all of my bell peppers if you do!” 

“Mia-ah…” 

The teacher, not knowing what to do, looked at Yoo Joonghyuk as if asking for help. Yoo Joonghyuk froze under that gaze, not expecting the man to pay attention to him. Seeing that his sister was causing a scene and other parents were staring at them, Yoo Joonghyuk decided to say something so that Yoo Mia could stop bothering her teacher. But before he could think, his mouth moved on his own: 

“Do you want to marry me instead?” 

Yoo Joonghyuk blamed the sleep he was missing. 

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #joongdok #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #kdj #yjh

[marinvolk]

Since grandmaster honorary queer man David Jenkins taught us all that things like genre and tone are apparently irrelevant now, I’d like to bless you all with my first ever attempt at writing fan fiction. I present to you:

The Night is Dark and Full of Muppets

Stede threw his arms up. “You can’t blame Izzy every time you smash something when you’re upset, Ed!”

“There’s a darkness inside me,” Ed said from the dining room table, glaring daggers at the broom handle lying in two pieces on the floor; he’d broken it against his knee when Stede had mentioned wanting to talk about his anger management issues. The broom had been in his hands because he’d been sweeping up a broken kettle, which he’d broken because it had been ‘giving him a funny look’. “Izzy won’t let me be Ed. He wants the Kraken. You wanted me to be Blackbeard. Remember when you said how fugly I looked without my beard?”

Stede rolled his eyes. “I did not say that. Come on, Ed.”

“Your eyes said it. They looked at me and said, ‘you look so fugly, not-Blackbeard.’ It’s Izzy’s fault I broke the broom.”

“Really, Ed? I don’t know if you remember, but we buried Izzy. It quite literally cannot be his fault—”

“Then it was Pop-Pop’s fault.”

Stede did a double take. “Who is Pop-Pop?”

“My fisherman dad. He and my fisherman brother—I never gave him a name because I never actually had a brother—took me in when I left you at the docks. For a time, I was happy again, loved, content.” Ed’s eyes watered. “I was Ed.”

Stede scoffed. “Ed, you were gone for a night.”

Ed banged his fist on the table. “I was Ed! Pop-Pop made me go get my leathers!” Ed sobbed. “Pop-Pop made me!”

Stede’s face crumpled into a very muppet-like expression. “What?”

“You just don’t want me to be Ed, do you? You think Blackbeard’s better! Pop-Pop told me to go do the only thing I was good at, so I had to go be Blackbeard again! It’s all your, Izzy’s, and Pop-Pop’s fault that I can’t be Ed!”

“I want you to be Ed, I just don’t like when you throw all our things at the wall!”

Ed snapped, “I wouldn’t throw things at the wall if they weren’t there when I get mad! Maybe we just need a maid!”

“Christ, Ed! We can’t afford a maid because we bought too much fishing equipment—”

They both stilled as lightning split the skies beyond the window of the shitty inn by the sea, darkness falling like a heavy shroud. The candles went out in a hissing puff.

Stede glanced to the door. “Do you hear that?”

Something on the porch. A footstep? No, something thumping. Strange. That had almost sounded like…

The door creaked open.

Silhouetted against the moonglow, a man stood clad in black. A seagull perched upon his shoulder with knowing, very hex-filled eyes.

A voice that sounded like someone was whispering cigarettes said, “The night is dark and full of muppets.”

Stede glanced at Ed. “That isn’t…?”

Ed swallowed, taking a step toward the door. “Izzy? Is that you, man? How? We buried you!”

“You took my ring. You took my cravat. You took my leg. You took my redemption arc. You took my family.” One gold-painted unicorn hoof slid forward as a familiar face loomed from the darkness. “Now, I’m taking it all back. Edward Teach—born on a beach—prepare to taste lead!”

Izzy whipped out an AK47 from the darkness. A maelstrom of bullets thundered through the inn, peppering Ed’s body until he was flailing back and forth like Kermit the Frog. Meanwhile, Stede hurled himself to the floor and scrambled under the table as Buttons shot laser beams from his beady seagull eyes, destroying the remnants of a porcelain vase that Ed had hurled against the wall only just the night before, when Stede had yawned too loudly for his liking.

The whisper-cigarette voice said, “Stede Bonnet, you fooken twat. Get up, muppet. We got a ship to catch.”

Stede crawled out from the table, staring up at Izzy with wide eyes. “What are you, oh, sea prince who was promised?”

“Me?” Izzy pulled out a pair of sunglasses, put them on, and said, “I’m the motherfooken unicorn.”

No, I will not be taking any critique, you media illiterate cretins. This is 100% plausible because DJ never actually said that seagulls in this universe can’t shoot laser beams from their eyes. Also, the fact that Izzy knows a song from the 1940s is in fact proof that he’s also a time traveler, therefore the AK47 is officially canon appropriate. In fact, this is so plausible—remember, genre and tone are no longer important—that it’s basically just the new ending.

#ofmd critical #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd izzy #ofmd izzy critical #ofmd fanfic #behold my genre bending magnum opus #ofmd #izzy hands

[formulauno98]

Once Upon a Time in France | Chapter Eight

You finally had some time alone with your beau but things were almost too perfect, it was inevitable that they were going to unravel.

Word Count: 11.1k

Warnings: This chapter is spicy spice. Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it guys and girls) 🌶

Author’s Notes: Disclaimer, purely fiction, no-one is married in this alt-universe. Sorry for the incredibly long hiatus, Chapter 9 will be up asap.

SUNDAY PM

Flying Easyjet from London Luton to Nice reminded you exactly how lucky you were to have the luxury of frequently flying privately. Although a short flight, you found yourself squeezed between two businessmen, each off-putting for their own reasons and you found yourself counting down the minutes until landing. The man to the left of you, who had the honour of having the window seat, was watching a movie on his iPad. No big deal you would think, except for the fact that he was watching it on speaker mode and it had some dubious bedroom scenes. To your right, on the aisle seat, was another suited and booted older man. On spotting you were his seat neighbour he’d proceeded to try and chat you up, not taking the hint that you weren’t in the slightest bit interested.

Glancing at your watch you saw there were only twenty minutes left, the crew would be preparing for landing any minute now. Toto had offered to collect you from the airport and you were looking forward to spending some real time with him, away from the race track and more importantly, away from prying eyes.

– – –

The plane having landed on time, you made it through security in record timing and had even had the luxury of your luggage coming out of the carousel first. As you made your way into Arrivals you were suddenly nervous, you were going to spend a week alone with Toto. Although you worked together and were constantly stealing moments, you hadn’t spent an extended amount of time with just the two of you and you hoped that things would not be awkward.

Making your way through the throng of people standing waiting outside customs you spotted Toto in a flash, his imposing height always a dead giveaway. He flashed a charming grin as you approached him, bending down to plant a chaste kiss on your cheek.

“How was the flight?” he asked, as he took your large suitcase and large Longchamp tote off of your hands, “Jessas Maria, what do you have in this, bricks?”

Laughing you replied, “Make-up, shampoo, the essentials. And it was okay thanks, I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

Toto shook his head, “You and your essentials. Not at all, I’ve only been here a few minutes, it was perfect timing. I parked just outside, do you want to go?”

Following Toto as he started to make a move you couldn’t stop smiling. It was kind of him to come and collect you from the airport as it was always a hassle, no matter where you were in the world.

“Excuse me, Toto?” a voice called out from your right-hand side. It was the sleazy man from the plane.

Toto whipped his head around, “Hi, can I help you?”

“Well, I just wanted to say I’m a big fan. Could I please take a photo?” the man got closer, “I was sitting next to your wife on the plane.” He grinned at you hopefully.

“My wife?” said Toto, raising an eyebrow, “Y/N is my colleague.”

The man’s face reddened, “Oh, I see. I’m sorry, I saw you kiss her so thought you were married…” he proceeded to turn to you “You didn’t seem interested on the plane so I put two and two together.”

“It’s an easy mistake to make.” you smiled politely, not wanting to embarrass Toto, always mindful that one bad fan encounter could end up flashed across the news.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt your day,” he replied, taking out his phone and standing next to Toto, still hopeful for a selfie. Laden down with your baggage Toto stood there awkwardly as the man struggled to fit him in frame.

“Could you possibly take the photo for me?” he asked you.

“Of course,” you said, again with a neutral smile.

You took a few, trying to make sure your tote bag was out of frame just in case anyone from the team were to see and handed the phone back.

“Amazing, thank you so much,” the man said.

“You’re welcome, nice to meet you,” said Toto with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, sending the man off on his merry way.

As you crossed the street to the car park you turned to Toto. “He was such a creep on the plane, he kept asking for my number.”

Toto grimaced, “I could tell, he was staring at you. His eyes lit up when I said you weren’t my wife.”

“Odd,” you said as you followed Toto towards his car, a surprisingly nondescript GLC, Toto looked troubled. “Y/N.”

“Yes,” you replied, curious about what he was about to ask.

“Does that always happen to you?”

“What?”

“Men hitting on you?”

“Why?”

“Just curious,” he said, setting your bag down on top of your suitcase as he unlocked the car.

You couldn’t help but smile as you clocked that it wasn’t any old GLC, but a top-of-the-range AMG line one. Of course, Toto would choose that.

“This is nice, where have you been hiding this?” You said as you settled into the luxurious quilted leather passenger seat.

“It’s actually not mine, they are letting me try it for the weekend,” Toto said looking shifty as he slid into the driver's seat beside you.

“Trying to impress me with a rental Mr Wolff?” You laughed, grabbing his hand playfully.

“Is it working?” He replied with a smirk, reaching across to caress your face lightly, “I’ve missed you Y/N.”

“I’ve missed you too.” You said fondly, turning towards him for a sneaky kiss, aware that although you were not at work, you were very much out in the open in the airport car park.

A classic man, Toto was not on the same wavelength about discretion and passionately cupped your face, drawing you in for a deeper kiss before breaking apart and adding breathily, “I’ve missed this.”

Blushing, you replied, “Me too. It was a long week without you.”

“Tell me about it,” said Toto, squeezing your knee gently before turning back towards the steering wheel “Shall we make a move?”

“Sounds good to me,” you said with a smile. You were finally alone with Toto, mostly away from prying eyes and able to gauge what to make of this budding relationship.

– – –

As you sped along the coastal road towards Monaco you glanced out of the window at the sparkling blue sea below. You flew through the sleepy fishing port of Villefranche-sur-Mer, the hillside retreat of Eze and the luxurious town of Cap d’Ail in record timing, listening to the dulcet tones of French radio and Toto’s local tour guide titbits along the way.

The reason why you had this time in Monaco was to oversee another Drive to Survive shoot with Toto. The production crew wanted to spend time with him in his hometown, away from the hustle and bustle of a race weekend. You’d told Sophie to tell the company travel agent that you were staying with a friend in Monaco, which wasn’t too far from the truth.

As you started the ascent into Monaco, through the winding network of underground tunnels you couldn’t help but let your mind wander back to the first time you’d come here. It was your third race with the team and your first sponsor dinner and had been the beginning of the end when it came to your feelings for Toto. As soon as you set eyes on him, waiting in your hotel lobby, dressed up for the evening, you were instantly smitten.

It wasn’t long before you reached an imposing apartment building overlooking the wide expanse of beach. Toto slowed down, indicating to turn down what looked like a dead end.

“Is this going to be some kind of supervillain lair?” you said with a laugh.

Smirking, Toto reached for his key fob and pushed a button, “Perhaps…” 

Your eyes lit up as what looked like a wall opened up to reveal a neat underground parking garage. “Okay, you were not playing.”

“Of course not,” Toto said with a smile, driving into the gap that had just appeared as if by magic. 

“So this is where you live huh?” you said curiously, eyeing up the impressive row of cars parked in the garage.

“Yes, I live in this car park,” said Toto with a deadpan face.

“Very funny,” you said.

Toto smiled before frowning slightly, his brow furrowing, “However, I would like to forewarn you, I have not done much with the place. It came furnished so I didn’t see the point of spending more money on furniture I barely use.”

Surprised by Toto’s admission you smiled, “I’m sure it’s beautiful, and I’m here to see you, not judge you on your interior design skills. That will be my next visit.”

Toto laughed as he parked the car effortlessly, pulling up in between two cars that were hidden under fabric covers yet suspiciously sports car shaped. “Okay, well I hope you will visit again after this one.”

‘Let’s see.” you said, waggling your eyebrow at Toto before hopping out of the now stationary car.

“You are awful sometimes,” he said, rushing around to open the boot and retrieve your luggage.

“Thank you, Toto,” you said, smiling up at your tall beau as he set your suitcase gently down on the concrete floor.

Just as you made to grab the handle, he batted your hand away, “Let me take it, it’s heavy.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, knowing full well he would not allow you to carry your own luggage.

Your response was met with a raised eyebrow as Toto closed the boot, scooped up your tote and rolled your suitcase towards a small door to the left of where you were parked.

Crossing into a compact but luxe lift lobby Toto pressed his key fob to a panel and the lift pinged. 

“Let me guess, this is your own private lift?” you said, following him into the small space.

“Well it’s convenient,” he said sheepishly.

“Okay Mr Bigshot,” you said with a smile. It was easy to forget just how wealthy Toto was at times. 

Now his turn to blush, Toto added, “I hope you don’t find it ostentatious. I bought it for the view.”

Just as you were about to ask what the view was, your question was answered. The lift door opened to reveal a spacious living area, furnished very tastefully in cream and blue, a nod to the nautical location. The back wall of the room was entirely glass, opening out onto a sweeping balcony with a panoramic view of the sea.

“Well, I can see why!” You exclaimed, taking a step into the living area, “It’s beautiful Toto.”

Looking relieved, Toto followed you out of the lift, placing his hand on the small of your back, “It’s not bad. Let me show you around. I want you to feel at home here.”

You smiled, “I’m sure that will be a struggle.”

– – –

Toto proceeded to show you around his surprisingly spacious bachelor pad. There was another sitting area to the side of the one the lift had brought you into, cosier with a large TV and an L-shaped sofa decked out with blankets and pillows, perfect for a movie night. He had a small but well-stocked kitchen diner with a large marble island in the middle that looked out onto the sea, and more glass walls that opened out onto an outdoor barbecue area. 

There was also a formal dining room, a very impressive corner office with yet more glass and two ensuite guest bedrooms for his children. Just as you were starting to wonder where Toto’s bedroom was, your question was answered as he took you up a small set of stairs to a second floor. This wasn’t just any apartment, this was a duplex.

Toto’s bedroom had the best view of all, perched higher than the other rooms, you could see the entire expanse of the bay, from Monte Carlo to Roquebrune Cap Martin. His bed was simple but cloud-like, with white-striped hotel-esque sheets and fluffy pillows. And best of all, he had a large bathtub at one end, ideally placed to soak and enjoy the view.

“Toto, your place is insane.” You said as he opened up a set of doors to reveal another small terrace, this time furnished with two daybeds and a telescope.

“Thank you… I think.” He said, “As I said, it needs a woman’s touch, it came with all of this furniture and I didn’t change much.”

You laughed, “Honestly, I wouldn’t have changed anything, whoever designed it had excellent taste.”

“Well I’m glad you like it, I’d like to spend more time here with you.” He said, wrapping his arm around your waist, “Do you want to grab a bite to eat? Or we can have something simple and eat in?”

Tired from your flight you were glad he was open to staying in, “Maybe tonight we stay in and then I’ll be fresh for tomorrow?”

“Sounds good to me,” said Toto, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I have everything we’d need for a charcuterie board, or I can cook a steak frites?”

“Ooh, you’re so fancy with your charcuterie boards…” you laughed, cuddling up to the tall Austrian, “I’m happy with either, I’m intrigued actually by the charcuterie board.”

“Intrigued? It’s ham and cheese with some grapes.” He replied with a laugh, “I have baguette too.”

“Are you propositioning me?” You laugh.

“Maybe, would you like that?” He said, with a growl, grabbing your ass cheek as you made your way down the stairs towards the kitchen.

“I wouldn’t mind.” You said, turning to face him.

“Well, it would be rude not to then.” He said and in one deft movement, picked you up, carried you all the way to the kitchen, placing your legs akimbo on the kitchen island.

For once the height difference worked, with Toto barely having to bend down to meet your lips with his, feverishly running his hands up and down your thighs and beyond.

Deepening the kiss, you ran your hands up and down Toto’s back, bringing him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his waist and feeling him growing increasingly harder.

Breaking the kiss and coming up for air, you caressed Toto’s cheek lightly, “Will you fuck me right here?”

Toto’s eyes narrowed with lust, wordlessly answering you as he unbuckled his chinos, pushed your panties to one side and pushed his cock into you mercilessly.

“Fuck!” You exclaimed, still not fully used to his impressive size.

Toto’s demeanour switched instantly, his eyes transforming from lust to concern as he stilled inside you, “Fuck, I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

“Oh my gosh, don’t be silly, you’re just big!” You said, meeting him once more for a kiss.

“Well please tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop,” he said, his brown eyes crinkled with kindness.

“Deal.” You said, kissing him once more before adding, “But please for God’s sake move.”

“If you’re sure?” He said, raising an eyebrow as he gently pulled out and pushed back in, “Is this okay?”

“Now that is perfect.” You said, “Keep doing that.”

Toto continued to thrust into you, first of all with slow, shallow strokes, before switching up to a more rapid pace of deep and forceful fucking.

“Fuck, Toto, keep doing that and I’m almost there.” You exclaimed after one particularly head-spinning thrust. 

“Mmm.” He said as he grabbed your breast in one hand and reached down with the other to draw circles on your clit, continuing to pump in and out.

“Fuck, Toto.” was all you managed to get out as he took you almost to the brink. It wasn’t long before you were seeing stars, and experiencing one of the most intense orgasms of your life. As you came around his cock, Toto slowed down, mindful that once again you were being reckless and fucking without protection.

“Come on, I want you to cum too.” You said, mindful that he was near.

“But we need to be careful Y/N. I’m not as young as I was and I worry I can’t pull out in time.” Toto said, stilling inside you, coming to his senses.

“Well then, maybe you can cum somewhere else.” You said with a mischievous glint in your eye.

“Oh really?” Toto said, still containing to lazily thrust in and out.

Shifting back, you pulled away from Toto, letting his cock fall out of you. Hopping down from the counter, you turned him around so that his back was now facing the counter, bending to take him in your mouth.

“Mmm,” you said as you struggled to fit it all in, gripping the base with one hand as you ran your tongue up and down.

“Hang on, do you want to move? This can’t be comfortable for you.” Said Toto, ever the worrier.

“Maybe to the couch?” You suggested as you came up for air and eyed up the white linen sofa in the corner of the kitchen.

“Perfect.” Said Toto, once again scooping you up in his arms and carrying you across the room. This time, however, he took a seat on the sofa, allowing you to perch on your knees in front of him.

“Mmm,” you said as you took his cock once again in your mouth, “This is much better.”

Toto groaned as you continued sucking and swirling and caressing his balls with one hand as you bobbed up and down.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m so close.” Exclaimed Toto, “Fuck, I’m going to cum!”

He was clearly trying to be a gentleman and pull out but you were determined to swallow so you doubled down with your tongue, hoping he would let loose. Sure enough, he pumped into your mouth, leaving you gagging slightly.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, that was a lot,” he said, rubbing his forehead as if he was back on planet Earth.

Wiping your mouth, you made your way back up onto the sofa, draping yourself across his chest as he tucked his cock back into his chinos.

“Don’t be silly, I wanted to do it.” you said, “Although we are both way too clothed for my liking.”

“But isn’t that half of the fun?” said Toto with a smirk. “Now when I look at my island I’ll think of you.”

You laughed, “Damn, why did we not do that at mine so I can do the same?”

“Well you can think of me when you use your closet.” replied Toto, getting up to move, “Now, I know you’ve just eaten but let’s get some food.”

“Jesus, what a line boss.” you said, rolling your eyes at him, following suit and getting up from the sofa “As long as I can have the other baguette you promised?”

MONDAY AM

Following on from your racy kitchen island encounter, you’d had your charcuterie board (which didn’t disappoint), unpacked your suitcase into Toto’s half-empty closet, watched a movie (Fast and Furious of course,) and then spent the night cuddled up to Toto in his supremely comfortable bed. 

Waking up to the spectacular view you couldn’t believe that he so frequently chose to spend time in Oxfordshire over here.

“Toto, can I ask you something?” you said as you felt him stir beside you.

“Hmmm five minutes,” he said sleepily, turning the pillow back over his head.

You shook your head, still surprised by how much of a sleepyhead the seemingly regimented Team Principal secretly was. Trying your best not to wake him, you snuck out of bed, grabbing your trusty waffle bathrobe and padded down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

You’d barely been in there five minutes when a boxer-clad Toto emerged down the stairs, his hair rumpled with sleep and eyes screwed up as if he was barely awake.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” you said, “Do you want a tea or coffee?”

“Morning beautiful,” he said, making his way over to you to kiss you, “I’ll make a coffee don’t worry. I have some breakfast things too if you want.”

“Ah no worries, I’m happy with tea for now,” you said, cosying up to him before breaking free to pour your tea.

“Are you sure?” he said, as he busied himself making a coffee.

“Yeah, I’m not a big breakfast eater.”

“Hold on, I make you eat breakfast all the time, even in Austria,” he said, looking slightly horrified. “Are you just being polite?”

“No, I like it, I just never have time so have got used to not eating it. It’s a treat when we have our breakfast meetings,” you said, hoping to appease him.

“I’m not sure if I would call Austria a breakfast meeting,” he said with a smirk.

“Well, I can’t say I do those kinds of meetings with anybody else,” you replied, settling onto the stool at the kitchen island.

“Me neither,” Toto replied, as he poured his coffee.

“You know the team are onto you though,” you said, deciding now was the time to broach what Olivia had brought up in the motorhome in Austria.

“What do you mean?” said Toto, his head whipping around, now fully awake.

“Olivia overheard you telling Lewis about a new lady friend.”

Toto looked blindsided, “What did she overhear?”

Smiling, you decided to tell half the truth, “Just that you were seeing someone. I’m hoping you were talking about me, otherwise, this is hella awkward.”

Realisation dawned on Toto, “Oh, Lewis was asking me the other day. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have told him anything but he noticed I seemed happier and asked me outright if I had a new girlfriend.”

“Well I do feel guilty that George knows and he doesn’t.” you said, “I still wish Lara didn’t but I guess these things happen.”

Toto looked deep in thought, “Lewis doesn’t know it’s you. I just told him I’d met someone. I wouldn’t jeopardise your position in the team like that.”

“No no, don’t worry about it, Toto. I think it wasn’t ideal that Olivia overheard but again, these things can’t be helped,” you said, reaching over to squeeze Toto’s hand as he sat down beside you at the kitchen island.

“Indeed, but the rest of the team have noticed?” Toto said, looking deep in thought as he sipped his coffee.

“Oh don’t worry, they were all tipsy after Austria and speculating.” you paused, deciding whether or not it was a good idea for you to tell Toto about what Lara had said but decided ultimately it was not worth it, “It was nothing serious.”

“Ok, I trust your judgement on this. Just let me know if anything does get tricky,” he said reassuringly.

– – –

Having spent the morning working from one of Toto’s spare rooms and trying your best to avoid any video calls with anyone who would clock where you were, lunchtime had crept up. Toto had promised to take you to one of his favourite casual eateries if you both had time and thankfully it was looking likely that you would.

You were composing one last email when Toto came looking for you, having been working himself in his office.

“I hope you’re not working too hard,” he said as he stood behind you, rubbing your shoulders.

“You say that, but if I sacked off work, you’d notice,” you said, typing your sign-off and pressing send.

“That’s true, and that’s why you're my favourite Director of Communications,” he replied with a smirk.

“I’m the only Director of Communications,” you said, rolling your eyes and standing up to face Toto, “Do you want to go and grab some lunch?”

“For sure, we can go to the pizza place I know if you’d like?” said Toto, placing his hands on your waist, swaying your hips slightly.

“Sounds good to me, although you’re being very distracting,” you said, leaning into his broad chest.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to do, distract you from work,” he said, leaning down to kiss you.

“You are a terrible boss.” you said, kissing him back with enthusiasm, “And if you don’t stop distracting me, we’re never going to leave this room, let alone your house.”

“That’s true.” he said with a smirk, “Come on then, let’s go.”

– – –

Sitting down at the small table set for two in Toto’s chosen restaurant, you were acutely aware that this was the first time you’d gone out together as a couple, and not for something work-related. Sensing your awkwardness, Toto smiled at you from across the table, taking your hand in his reassuringly.

“Don’t look so nervous Y/N, I’m the same guy you were just kissing all but ten minutes ago,” he said.

“I’m not nervous, it’s just weird to be out like this,” you said, glancing around you as if you were half expecting the team or some journalist to jump out.

“Look, we’re doing this, and if someone sees us, so be it and we can say it’s a meeting if you feel more comfortable?” Toto said, his face etched with concern. 

“No, it’s not like that. I’m happy to be out.” you said, squeezing Toto’s hand, “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“Me too,” said Toto, looking at you with the piercing glare you’d grown so fond of. “I think we should probably take a look at these menus, no?”

“Ooh yes, it all looks good though, what do you recommend?” you said, sneaking a look around at your fellow diners’ tables.

“Do you trust me to order for us?” asked Toto, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course,” you said, without batting an eyelid.

WEDNESDAY PM

The last two days with Toto had been bliss. Since your casual lunch date, you’d been out twice more, once for dinner, followed by a beach walk and once for brunch. It was official, you were dating for real. You were well aware of the stares that followed Toto wherever he went but thankfully, people in Monaco seemed relatively unbothered and there had only been one incident where a woman had rushed up and asked for a photo on the beach.

So far, the majority of the team remained unaware of your blossoming relationship and as much as you adored Toto, you felt it was wiser to keep it lowkey for now.

Toto was spending the morning filming with the Drive to Survive crew, this time, driving them around Monaco in his prized 300SL. Thankfully this meant that space was limited and you hadn’t had to ride along. You had, however, popped around to Lewis’ to go through press commitments.

When you had first accepted this role, you never in a million years would have dreamt that you would end up casually popping over to Lewis Hamilton’s house but life sometimes works in mysterious ways. At least that’s what you told yourself as you rang the buzzer at the bottom of his building, humorously labelled as “Roscoe,” after his beloved pet bulldog.

“Hey Y/N, it’s open come up!” came a voice through the loudspeaker. Lewis was an interesting character, who for all his fame and fortune, remained incredibly down to earth.

“Coming!” you said as you dashed through the unlocked door to the lift lobby. Like Toto, Lewis also had his own private lift, something that you were starting to learn was not uncommon in this funny little country full of far too rich people.

Making your way up, you glanced down to check your phone, half expecting to have heard from Pete, your Netflix nemesis, that Toto was being difficult. Thankfully there was radio silence, which you took to mean good news.

Soon enough you reached Lewis’ floor and the doors pinged open to reveal the enigmatic racing driver waiting for you.

“Hey! Long time no see!” he said warmly, stretching out his arms for a hug.

“Hey Lewis, I know it’s been a while. How’s everything?” you asked.

“I’m good thanks, just got back from a run.” he replied, “How are you? Enjoying Monaco?”

“Nice,” you said, glancing around at your surroundings. Lewis’ home was much more understated than Toto’s and you could tell that he was much younger from his decor choices. There was a life-sized Star Wars figurine in one corner and huge canvases and movie posters adorning the walls as far as the eye could see. “I’m good thanks, it’s been quite hectic but it’s good to get out here early. Toto is filming with Netflix again.”

“Glad to hear it, I hope Toto has been showing you around town?” Lewis said, before adding, “Can I get you a drink or anything?”

Smiling as you thought to yourself of the places Toto had shown you, you replied tactfully, “Yes, he’s shown me a few places. Maybe a cup of tea would be nice if you have one?”

“I’ve always got a cuppa!” said Lewis with a wink, “Come with me, let’s chat in the kitchen.”

Following Lewis down a short corridor, he brought you through into a small kitchen area, dark grey with black marble countertops, most definitely a bachelor pad.

“Ooh this is nice,” you said, “How long have you lived here?”

“Ah thank you, oh gosh like ten years?” replied Lewis, busying himself filling the kettle.

“Oh wow, ages then,” you replied, getting your laptop and notebook out to go through your agenda. “So where is good to run around here?”

“Ah there are so many coastal paths, I like the one just North of the harbour. It’s less hilly if you want to push.” he said, “Do you take milk and sugar?”

“That sounds cool, Toto hasn’t shown me those yet, I’ll have to get him on that!” you said, slightly forgetting that Lewis wasn’t fully aware of the extent of your relationship, “And just milk, please. Thanks so much.”

“Y/N. Can I ask you something?” said Lewis, suddenly turning to face you, his chocolate-brown eyes full of curiosity.

“Sure, what’s up?” you said, knowing what was coming next.

“Are you Toto’s new girlfriend?”

“Well…” you began, not sure what the best course of action was, not having discussed this with Toto.

“Knew it!” said Lewis, a broad grin breaking out across his face.

“Hey! I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to, your eyes betrayed you. I knew it, the way he looks at you.” Lewis said, somewhat smugly.

“Okay, well, girlfriend is a stretch, we are just at the very beginning of something. So I would appreciate it if you keep it to yourself,” you said, hoping that he would get the memo.

“Of course, I’m just happy for you.” Lewis said, “And for Toto, he’s been such a work robot these last few years, I’m always telling him to put himself out there.”

“Thank you, Lewis, I appreciate that,” you said smiling as he set a cup of tea down in front of you.

“What I wanna know is, how did it start? Who rizzed up who?” Lewis said, settling beside you with a cheeky glint in his eye, cup of tea at the ready.

“Oh my God, go ask Toto!” you said, laughing at Lewis’ gossipy tendencies.

“Ok, I will.” he said “I bet it was you. He’s weirdly shy.”

“Lewis!” you exclaimed, before sighing. “It was kind of me.”

“What do you mean, kind of?” he asked.

Sighing once again, you decided to tell the truth, “Right, please do not tell Toto I told you this. After the boat race in Canada, I went to his room to return his shirt I borrowed and one thing led to another.”

Lewis’s face was a picture, eyes wide and mouth open, “Oh my God, that’s why you didn’t come for dinner!?”

Giggling slightly you nodded, “Yup.”

“This is juicy.” he said, “Does anyone else know?”

“A few people have accidentally found out.”

“Oh my God, who?” 

“You are such a gossip hound Lewis!” you said, taking a sip of tea, “George, Rosie and Lara.”

“George knows! Fuck I’m going to have words with him. How long has he known?” Lewis said, clearly put out that his younger teammate had gossip that he hadn’t.

“A few weeks, and don’t, I think he’s scarred for life.”

“Oh my God, did he walk in on you?”

“Not exactly...” you said, still cringing as you thought about what George and Rosie had overheard.

“I wanna know so bad!” said Lewis.

“He phoned Toto while we were together and Toto didn’t hang up properly so George and Rosie overheard everything that was going on.”

At this Lewis almost fell off of his stool, “No way! That’s hilarious. I bet they were so embarrassed, oh to be a fly on that wall.”

“Poor kids are scarred for life,” you said.

“So what about Lara, how does she know? I’m surprised she’s kept quiet, she loves gossip that girl.”

“Oh she’s trickier, she walked in on us in Toto’s office… and before you say anything I was just kissing him, nothing crazy. She went mental though and ever since keeps dropping hints to people. I thought Toto was going to fire her on the spot, he was livid at what she said.”

“Really?” asked Lewis, “Livid Toto is not someone I’d want to cross.”

“Yep, me neither,” you said, thinking back to the tense conversation in Toto’s office. 

“So this is very exciting.” said Lewis, sipping his tea once again, “As I said, I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks, Lewis, I appreciate it,” you said with a smile, “Right, shall we go through these notes?”

– – –

You’d just finished reviewing Lewis’ upcoming schedule when your phone buzzed.

Y/N, we’re done, are you still at Lewis’? 

It was Toto. Hurriedly you typed a reply.

Yes but just finished, shall I meet you at yours?

“I know who’s got you smiling like that…” said Lewis, wagging his tongue suggestively.

“You’re terrible Lewis. I’d love for you to tease Toto in the same way.”

“I’m definitely not going to tease him, dude’s punching. You’re the one I worry for.”

“Somehow I don’t think so,” you said.

“Honestly, you’re a catch. He’s a lucky guy,” he said, his tone more serious.

“Well let’s see,” you said, just as your phone buzzed once more.

I’ll come and meet you, I’m nearby and I want to see Lewis.

Gulping slightly as this meant that Toto would immediately find out you’d blabbed to Lewis, you typed out your reply.

Sure, I’ll wait here.

“Is it okay if I hang out here for a bit? Toto said he wants to see you and will come and collect me.” 

“Course, how romantic, he’s coming to pick you up!” said Lewis.

“Oh my god, one more word and I will arrange endless foreign language interviews for you at the next race.”

“Cool, I’ll download Duolingo,” said Lewis, nonchalantly shrugging.

“I mean it Mr Hamilton.” you said, “This is the danger zone.”

Fortunately, Lewis was saved by the bell as his intercom rang out.

“Hello Lewis, it’s Toto, can I come up?” came a deep voice through the speaker.

“Sure, I’ll buzz you through, boss,” said Lewis, winking at you.

“One word.” you mouthed silently.

“I’m just kidding Y/N. I’m scared of Toto man,” he said, hopping down from the stool and making his way back towards the lift door where Toto would be emerging any minute.

Deciding to follow Lewis, you arrived in the corridor just as the doors opened to reveal your handsome boyfriend.

“Lewis!” he said, scooping the diminutive racing driver into a bear hug. “How are you?”

“Good man, and you?” Lewis replied.

“I’m okay thanks, I just finished filming and thought I’d come and check-in. Y/N, how are you?” 

Toto made his way towards you and bent down for a very chaste kiss on the cheek. Sensing your face betraying you and blushing, you couldn’t look Lewis in the eye as you replied, “Good thanks, how was it?”

“As good as it could be,” said the Austrian wryly. “So, Lewis, the reason I came over was there is something I need to tell you. I always like to be transparent with you and wanted you to be the first to know.”

“Hold up big man.” said Lewis, “I think I can guess.”

Toto raised his eyebrow, looking across at you quizzically. “Oh really?”

“Yes. It’s pretty obvious.”

“What is?”

“That your new girlfriend is someone who works with us.”

Toto looked floored by Lewis’ admission. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Is it that obvious?”

“The way she looks at you man, like you’re a piece of meat,” said Lewis.

“Huh?” said Toto, clearly confused.

“Lara, she’s down bad.”

“Lara? No not Lara,” said Toto, getting flustered. “Why would you think I’m dating Lara?”

Lewis burst out laughing, unable to keep stringing Toto along, “I’m just messing. I know it’s Y/N.”

Relief poured over Toto’s face, “How did you know?”

“Toto…” you started.

“I just found out, I asked Y/N straight up and she’s a really bad liar,” said Lewis. “Look, I’m not going to tell anyone and I’m happy for you both.”

“Oh…” said Toto, taken aback that you’d beaten him to it, “Well thank you, Lewis.”

Shimmying over towards Toto, you put an arm around his waist protectively, “Sorry Toto, he called me out almost immediately.”

“I know what he’s like, believe me!” said Toto, throwing a glance over at Lewis.

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” said Lewis, shrugging his shoulders. “So what do you two lovebirds have planned now?”

“We’re going to collect our luggage and drive down to France,” said Toto, clutching you close by his side.

“Are we?” you said, not aware that this is what Toto had planned.

“Ooh a surprise, how romantic!” exclaimed Lewis, clapping his hands together, “Right, well then you two gotta go!”

Toto laughed, “We should. Thank you Lewis and I appreciate your discretion.”

“Of course boss!” said Lewis, saluting Toto as you both made your way into the lift, back down to the street level.

“See you on Friday Lewis!” you said, blowing a kiss at the affable racing driver.

“See you!” he said, waving as the lift doors closed softly. “And use protection!”

Rolling your eyes, you turned to Toto, “Sorry he really pressed me.”

“It’s okay Y/N, I knew he would.” Toto said, stroking your hair absentmindedly, “Sorry I didn’t discuss telling him with you first, but I felt guilty knowing George knows and he doesn’t.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s fine. And you’re right, it’s not fair for one to know and one to be in the dark.”

“That was my reasoning. How was Lewis? Apart from the gossiping?”

“He’s good, I think he’s knackered from all the travelling though. How was the filming?”

“I can understand that. It went well, I think. I wish you could have been there but they didn’t ask anything too difficult.”

“Good, I haven’t heard anything from Pete so I thought as much. I’ll let you know when the rushes come over for approval.”

Toto smiled, “Thank you. I forgot how much you love Pete.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yes, my bestie. So not to stop talking shop but where are you taking me?”

“Now that’s for me to know and you to find out,” said Toto, a mischievous glint in his eye.

– – –

Having gathered some of your luggage, with Toto insisting on you leaving some clothes behind at his, you were now barrelling along the Autoroute towards the Circuit Paul Ricard. As careful as he was in daily life, Toto was a speed demon on the roads, especially in the GLC that wasn’t his.

“So where are we staying?” You asked, still surprised that Toto had decided to go astray from his normally strict race week schedule.

“Wait and see.” He said with a grin, turning up the volume on the radio.

“You’re so annoying,” you moaned, making Toto grin even wider.

“I promise it’s worth the wait,” he said.

“That’s a big promise, Toto,” you said, side-eyeing him from the passenger seat.

“Do you know what else is big?” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. You are such a child.” you groaned, “Although don’t get cocky but I’m a little sore from last night.”

“Oh really?” Toto’s head whipped around.

“Hey, eyes on the road Mr!” you said, “But yes, a little.”

“Well I don’t want to hurt you,” said Toto.

“It doesn’t hurt, I just feel stretched,” you said, “I was having trouble hiding it in front of Lewis.”

Toto smirked, obviously pleased with himself, “Did he notice?”

“No, he was too busy trying to grill me on everything.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Not much, as much as we told George and Rosie.”

“Good, I won’t live it down if he knows anything juicy.” 

“I figured that,” you said, fidgeting in your seat, hoping that Toto wouldn’t be annoyed that you had told Lewis a few titbits. “I don’t want to be a backseat driver but isn’t that the turning?” you said, noticing that Toto had just sped past the exit for the circuit.

“It is, but we’re going somewhere else first.” He said, his face blank, not betraying a single thing.

“This is all very mysterious.” You said, glancing around, trying to guess where you might be off to.

“Don’t panic, we won’t be far,” Toto said, roughly grabbing your thigh before taking the next exit. The road was narrow and twisting and it wasn’t long before it turned into a steep hill.

“Sheesh, this is not what I was expecting.” You said, scared to look as Toto navigated the road at quite some speed.

“It’s not long now, don’t worry.” He said, taking another sudden turn.

“I’m not worried, I’m just wondering where you’re taking me.” You said as the road brought you towards a small cluster of traditional stone buildings. It was all very pretty and you hoped that wherever you were staying looked like this.

You weren’t to be in luck however as Toto sped through the village, taking you back onto a hedge-lined country road, although it wasn’t long before he suddenly started slowing down, as if he was looking for somewhere. 

“Ah yes, this is the one,” he said, indicating down a dubious-looking dirt track.

“If I didn’t know you better, this really feels like a K and R.” You said laughing.

“Damn, you got me,” Toto said laughing as he slowed right down, the car jumping up and down on the bumpy earth track.

“Ooh, are you going to tie me up?” You said, grabbing Toto’s thigh gently.

“You’re into that?” Said Toto, an eyebrow raised, eyes still scouring the road.

“Not really. I’m Miss Vanilla.” You said laughing, “But if you are, maybe you can convert me.”

“No no that’s not for me either,” Toto said, shaking his head before taking another turn off to the right, revealing a large country house that seemingly appeared from nowhere.

“Ooh, this is beautiful!” You said, eyeing up the building before you, blue shutters twinkling in the sun.

“Don’t get too excited, we’re staying in another building.” Said Toto, pulling up the car in the expansive driveway and unbuckling his seatbelt, “Stay here a second, I just need to go and meet the owner.”

“Sure.” You said, curiosity peaked as Toto made his way into the impressive building.

Twiddling your thumbs in the car, you decided to take out your phone and check for messages, a force of habit. Of course, you had zero signal. Hoping that your team would survive until you had wifi you put it away, patiently waiting for Toto to return.

Ten minutes later, he emerged grinning, followed closely by a jovial-looking older gentleman and a small fluffy white dog. Deciding now was the time to get out of the car, you emerged awkwardly, waiting for an introduction.

“Y/N, this is Monsieur de la Tour, he owns the vineyard.” said Toto with a grin, “Monsieur de la Tour, je vous presente Y/N.”

“Enchanté, Monsieur de la Tour,” you spluttered out, desperately trying to remember your French. 

“Lovely to meet you too Y/N,” replied the man in perfect English, “Let me show you both around.”

Grateful that he at least spoke English, you moved to Toto’s side to follow Monsieur de la Tour through a small archway that led you through to a garden. Plants and flowers spilt everywhere you look, twisting around a pergola overhead and bursting out of terracotta pots.

“This is gorgeous.” You said quietly to Toto, his arm draped across your shoulders.

“I’m glad you like it.” He said, his expression unreadable.

You followed Monsieur de la Tour through the garden along a small walkway towards another building. Although smaller than the main house, it was very pretty, with matching blue shutters and vibrant pink bougainvillaeas creeping up the stone walls.

“Et voilà, here is the guesthouse.” Said Monsieur de la Tour, waving his hands emphatically before handing a set of keys to Toto. “Here are the keys, as I said, if you need anything we are just over in the main house.”

“Thank you, it’s perfect.” Said Toto, “And dinner will be served at eight?”

“Yes, that’s right. We look forward to welcoming you.” The older man replied. 

You raised an eyebrow, this was not what you were expecting at all. 

“Lovely to meet you both and we will see you later.” He said, patting his leg for his dog to follow as he made his way back down the pathway.

“Merci beaucoup, à toute!” Said Toto before turning to you and switching to English. “Shall we take a look?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” You said, following Toto into the pretty building. 

A quick tour around revealed a charming yet rustic home, decked out in terracotta tiles and vintage French botanical artwork. It wasn’t fancy but it had its charm and you knew you’d have a wonderful time.

“What do you think?” Asked Toto as you made your way back towards the car to collect your luggage.

“It’s gorgeous!” You replied, “Although I’m surprised you chose it.”

“Surprised?” Toto said, “Why?”

Choosing your words carefully you replied, “Well you’re such a city slicker, it’s very country. I would have pegged you as a Cap-Eden-Roc type.”

“I have stayed there, but I wanted to find somewhere more romantic, more you.” Said Toto, his chocolate eyes melting you instantly.

“You big old softie,” you said, reaching up for a kiss before adding, “Who knew?”

“I’m glad you like it.” He said sweetly, opening the boot to take out your luggage. “So something I didn’t tell you is this is a Domaine where they make wine so dinner tonight is on the vineyard.”

“No way!” You said, “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“I know.” He said with a grin, “I remember you told me this last year, so I thought now I can make it happen.”

“Wow, I don’t even remember saying that.” You said, touched by Toto’s sentimentality, “Thank you.”

“You can thank me later,” he said, squeezing your side as he rolled the suitcase along.

“Perv.” You said, squeezing his butt back.

– – –

THURSDAY AM

Dinner at the vineyard had been out of this world, with all the wine and cheese you could ever dream of. By the time you’d fallen into bed with Toto, you were both exceedingly merry and when you’d woken up this morning, you were bemused to discover that you were both still fully clothed. Toto had righted that in record timing, pulling you into the shower alongside him and peppering your entire body with soapy kisses.

It had been a battle to pack up and leave but unfortunately your busy schedules meant you were expected trackside later that morning and you had to peel snap back to reality.

As you made your way back towards the car, you turned to Toto, “Thank you so much for last night, it was amazing. I still can’t believe you remembered.”

Laden with luggage, Toto looked very pleased with himself, “I remember everything Y/N.”

Blushing you replied, “I hope not everything, God knows what I’ve told you when I’m tipsy.”

“God knows and I know.” said Toto, beaming away as you reached the car, unlocking it with a deft flick of the keyfob.

“Wow, that's cheesy.” you said, “Can I help with the cases? I feel bad you’re always carrying everything for me.”

“Don’t be silly.” he said, making light work of putting them in the boot, “You’re much smaller than me, besides, I have been neglecting the gym recently, I need the workout.”

“Well I think you’ve gotten your cardio up lately, no?” you said, casting your memory back to the last sex-filled few days.

“That’s true,” he replied, “Let me just take these keys to Monsieur de la Tour and we’ll get going.”

– – –

True to Toto’s word, it was a very short drive to the circuit, where you’d both be staying trackside in your trusty motorhomes. As you rolled up towards security a thought suddenly hit you.

“Toto, I just realised, are people not going to think it’s weird that you drove me here?”

“Why? They all know you were in Monaco for the filming?”

“That’s true, but so was Lewis and he’s not in the car.”

“You worry too much,” said Toto reassuringly.

“I guess,” you said, not convinced, knowing Lara would definitely have something to say. You’d both remained cagey on your whereabouts for the last two days and she was most definitely onto you.

As Toto pulled up to his designated parking space you clocked a few of your team already milling about in preparation for the upcoming Free Practice. Lewis and George were on their way, via helicopter and the rest of the Senior team were due to arrive any moment, having flown out from the UK that morning.

Opening your door, you were immediately greeted with a voice calling out “Y/N!”

Whipping your head around you saw it was Tom. “Hey Tom, how are you?”

“Good thanks,” replied the young man, eyeing up Toto curiously, “How did you get here so quickly, I thought you’d just left Monaco?”

Feeling foolish at being caught out already, as you’d dropped a text to your team WhatsApp group to say you were on the way, you tripped over your words trying to cover your tracks. “Oh, yes I think the signal was bad so my message sent when we were almost here.”

Seemingly appeased, Tom nodded, “Ugh, signal here is so ropey!” Spotting your pile of luggage that Toto had just taken out of the boot, he wandered around, adding, “Can I help you guys with your bags at all?”

“Oh yeah sure, that would be lovely, thank you, Tom.” You said, shooting a warning glance at Toto to not act weird.

“Thank you, Tom,” said Toto stiffly, acting as if this was a slight on his manhood. “Y/N, I have to take a call, I will see you back in the team motorhome later?”

“Sure.” You said, smirking slightly at Toto’s sudden formality. As if he hadn’t been kissing you here there and everywhere not two hours before. “We’ll put your bags in your motorhome.”

“Thanks, guys,” said Toto, locking the car and heading down towards the paddock.

Scooping up your luggage you fell into step alongside Tom as you made your way towards the motorhomes where you would be staying.

“So you drove down with the boss huh?” He asked.

“Yeah, he offered yesterday as we both had to be here at the same time.”

“That’s nice of him, he’s never offered to drive anyone else.”

You raised your eyebrow, “Well George and Lewis are coming via helicopter and everybody else was in the UK. Would’ve been a hell of a drive.” 

“Makes sense.” Said Tom, before adding, “Right well, I feel like I should warn you, the motorhomes here are super tightly packed in. Yours is almost touching the PAs one.”

Coming to a stop and seeing what he meant you grimaced, “Oof yep, it’s okay though, they’ll just have to suffer my shower singing.”

Tom laughed, “Rather them than me. Although ours is just the other side so we might hear it too.”

“It’s cosy.” You said, “Where is Toto’s? We should put his bags in there for him.”

“Our great leader has his own pitch, no neighbours, jammy fucker.” Tom said, “It’s just over here.”

Following Tom, expertly weaving a path through the haphazardly placed motorhomes you reached a larger trio of motorhomes, “Are these George and Lewis’ too?” You asked.

“Yup. It’s alright for some.” He replied, making his way towards the largest of the three, “Here it is.”

“Great, I’ll grab his bags,” you said, reaching out for the smart duffle and holdall that Toto had hurriedly packed a few days before.

“Ooh, making yourself at home I see.” Called out a voice. Rolling your eyes you turned around to see none other than Lara making a beeline for Toto’s motorhome. “Are you staying here too?”

“Yes, Lara, next door to you.” You said, glaring at her, “We’re just putting Toto’s bags in here for him. Is that okay with you?”

“Well of course, why do you have Toto’s bags?” She said, an evil look in her eye, knowing that Tom was unaware of your situation.

“They just got here, drove down from Monaco.” Chimed in Tom innocently.

“Oh that’s interesting, he didn’t tell me that he was with you,” Lara said, nose in the air.

“Okay, yes it was a secret. You got me. We were doing all kinds of shady shit in Monaco and secretly drove here.”

Tom stared at you, mouth agape as he wasn’t au-fait with your delicate relationship with Lara.

“Well, next time please put it in the diary.” Said Lara, stony-faced. “How are you, Tom?”

Rolling your eyes once again, you dumped Toto’s bags in the living area of his motorhome, you couldn’t believe Lara.

Emerging to find Sophie had joined Lara and Tom in their chitchat you greeted your assistant.

“Hey Sophie, how are you getting on?” You asked, joining their circle.

“Good thanks, how was Monaco?” She asked as if you hadn’t been in constant communication via WhatsApp.

“Busy!” You said, “I’m going to go and drop my bags off and I’ll see you all in the paddock, okay?”

“Cool, see you,” said Sophie and Tom in unison, Lara glowering away.

FRIDAY PM

Walking into the paddock to check in on Free Practice, you hadn’t expected to encounter any difficulties but these days it seemed like everyone was on your case.

“Y/N!” a voice called out from behind you. 

Turning around you were disappointed to see it was Toto’s arch-rival, Red Bull Team Principal, Christian Horner. Great.

“Hello Christian, how are you?” You said, with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“All the better having seen you.” He said sleazily, sidling up alongside you “Where’s loverboy?”

“Loverboy?” You said, knowing full well he was referring to Toto but not wanting to let him wind you up.

“Yeah, the tall guy, sounds like the Terminator? I heard you fuck him now and then?”

Internally screaming at the crude language you tried your best to keep level-headed. “Keep your fantasies to yourself, Christian, it’s unbecoming.”

“I’d rather you than me. What’s he really like?” He asked, walking alongside you as you tried to keep moving and shake him off, “I bet he’s tiny where it counts. Tall guys always are lacking.”

Having reached your limit, you could no longer stay polite, “Christian, what is actually wrong with you?”

He smirked, “Aw standing up for loverboy. How sweet. Don’t get burnt by him though. I could tell you some stories.”

Looking at him with disdain, “Look, I do not know what you are talking about. I’m the Director of Communications, nothing more, nothing less. Do you talk to all of your colleagues like this?”

“Just the pretty ones.”

“Lovely.” You said, in a tone that suggested it was anything but. “What do you really want Christian?”

“Just to talk to a pretty lady, that’s all.” He said, “And like I said, look after yourself, Toto is not the gentleman he appears to be.”

“Not like you I suppose?” You said sarcastically.

“I never said I was perfect, but I don’t pretend to be.” He said.

Getting fed up with his annoying chitchat you were grateful to have almost reached the Mercedes garage.

“I bet Loverboy is in there, waiting for you.” He said eyeing up the entrance.

“Sure thing.” You said, “Have a wonderful day Christian, always a pleasure chatting with you.”

“Oh the pleasure is all mine,” he said, winking at you as you turned into the garage.

Internally shuddering at the creep you’d just encountered you tried your best to greet the team with a smile and not take Christian’s words to heart. You were of course curious about what he meant by stories of Toto, but equally, you knew how much shit he liked to talk so you were sure he was just trying to get under your skin, or even Toto’s.

– – –

Free Practice had flown by and the team were in good stead for tomorrow’s qualifying. Lewis had put in a staggering lap and spirits were high in the Mercedes camp. Your team had asked if you’d like to join them for cassoulet and wine in the campground but Toto had other plans so you’d politely declined and told a few white lies about US-based sponsor meetings with a time difference.

Instead, you were now wandering along a nearby beach, the Plage de Lioquet, hand in hand with Toto, not another soul in sight.

“This is nice.” You said, snuggling up.

“I know, I needed a break,” Toto said, wrapping his arm around you, hugging you tighter to his firm chest.

“Toto, there’s something that happened earlier that I didn’t tell you about.” You said, hoping now was the right moment to tell him about Christian’s harsh words.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his brow furrowed with worry.

“When I was walking to the garage earlier, Christian decided to come and walk with me and chat all sorts of shit. He accused me of fucking you and then told me to watch out because apparently, he has stories of you being less than a gentleman.” You blurted out.

Toto’s concern turned to anger, “That piece of shit. Did he say this in front of anyone?”

“No, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. It was very creepy.” You said.

“I’m going to talk to him tomorrow. This is not okay.” He said, “He should know better. He likes to wind me up but it’s not fair to do it via you.”

“Leave it, he just wants to get a rise.” You said, not wanting to drag Toto into it.

“Hmm,” Toto said, his chest vibrating with anger. 

Placing your hand on his heart, you tried to calm him down, “I only told you because I think you should know, but he’s not worth the time or the energy.”

“You’re right,” Toto said. “He is such a windbag.”

You giggled at Toto’s strange turn of phrase, “That he is. Do you want to sit for a bit? We can watch the sunset?”

“Sure,” Toto said, “That part is flat.”

Making your way across the pebbled beach, Toto stopped in the spot he’d gestured at, took off his jacket and laid it out for you both.

“Here,” he said, settling you down in between his long legs, your back flush against his chest.

“Mmm.” You said, leaning back into Toto’s warm embrace, watching as the sun sank lower and lower on the horizon. “This is cool, I feel like we have our own private beach.”

“Oh yeah?” said Toto, his mind clearly wandering along the same route yours was.

“Hmm yeah. And it’s about to get dark.” You said wriggling your bottom nearer to Toto’s crotch.

“That’s true,” he said, his hands starting to explore your torso towards your breasts, giving them a light squeeze through your many layers.

“You’re hot.” He said, grunting slightly as he continued to run his hands around you.

“I’m actually pretty cold.” You said, bursting into a fit of laughter before turning around to kiss him.

As you deepened the kiss, Toto lifted you, moved your leg to one side and swooped you around so that you were now straddling him. Feeling him growing harder underneath you, you were emboldened by the fact that the sun had now really dipped and darkness was starting to fall. Confident you were still very much alone on the beach, you ground down, eliciting a moan from Toto.

“Fuck, Y/N, are we doing this?” His deep voice rumbled, low with lust.

“There’s nobody around.” You said, too horny to turn back.

“Hang on, I have an idea.” Said Toto, leaning back and tearing off his cashmere sweater, flicking it around and draping it around you.

“Is that so the birds don’t see?” You laughed, gesturing at your only company, a few seagulls.

“Well, you never know.” Said Toto, laughing as he started to lift your skirt, his hands creeping up your thighs.

“Fuck, I’m glad I wore a skirt.” You said breathily.

“Me too.” He said, reaching his goal, his long fingers pulling your underwear to one side and starting to explore where you were growing increasingly wet. “Oh, you are horny tonight.”

“Well duh.” You said, your hands skimming his abs to find his belt buckle. 

“Impatient too.” He said smirking, kissing you once again before plunging his finger into your core.

Hitching your breath, you were indeed impatient and scrambled to undo his belt buckle and chino button and let his cock free.

“Fuck,” Toto said, as you found what you were after, gliding your hand up and down it as he pumped his finger into you.

“Indeed.” You said, shifting forward slightly so the heel of his hand bumped up against where you needed it most.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Toto asked, his free hand eagerly sneaking up your shirt and under your bra to cup your bare breast, tweaking your nipple playfully.

“I’ve never been more certain,” you said, leaning forward once again to kiss him as he pulled out his hand to replace it with his now achingly hard cock. He gently lifted you, lining himself up and then pushed down, filling you slowly and agonisingly.

“You okay?” He asked, always considerate.

“Yuh-huh.” Was all you managed, taking a breath as you adjusted. “All good.”

“Mmm,” he said as he started to slowly pump in and out, going for the slow grind today. Your hips buckled as you started to grind back, swirling slowly and tantalisingly.

“Fuck.” He said, “Stop for a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” You said, concerned.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to cum.”

“Ow.” You said, stilling. “Fuck, that feels so good. I love it when you’re inside me.”

At that, you could feel Toto throbbing, a warning sign that you were in the danger zone.

“Fuck, don’t say things like that.” He said, clearly on the edge of his self-control.

“Sorry, but it’s the truth.” You said, accidentally shifting as you shrugged your shoulders, “You okay? We can take a break if you need?”

“No, no, all good,” said Toto, recomposing himself and leaning forward to kiss you once more. “We just need to be careful.”

Smiling at your very considerate lover, you stayed put for a little while, content with sitting on Toto’s cock, letting it stretch you in places you’d never been stretched before as you continued passionately kissing.

Toto then started to gently thrust back up into you, and taking it as a signal that he was okay to start up again, you ground back down to meet his hips once more.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m so sor…” was all Toto managed to get out before he moaned, his cock throbbing, spilling everything into you.

“Fuck.” You said as Toto panted into your shoulder, still riding the high of his orgasm.

“Scheiße! I am so sorry.” Said Toto, pulling out of you with a squelch.

“It’s okay, these things happen.” You said, secretly panicking beyond belief. You always tracked your period and knew that this week was dangerous. You’d been careful so far but hadn’t come prepared for this and had allowed yourself to get carried away. Toto looked devastated and you weren’t about to scare him further so tried to calm him down, grabbing his chin and tilting his face towards yours, “Don’t worry, I can try and get a morning-after pill tomorrow, just to be safe.”

“Fuck,” was all he could continue to blurt out, “I don’t want you having to do that, you’re busy enough tomorrow. Shall we go now?”

“Toto, this is rural France. Do you really think somewhere will sell it to us at ten o’clock at night?”

“Maybe?” Toto said hopefully. “Although I’m old, maybe we are panicking for nothing.”

“Oh shut up with the old thing again!” You said, “It’s better to be safe than sorry, I’ll go early tomorrow.”

“Well okay, I’ll drive you.”

“And that won’t look suspicious?”

“How will you get there? They’ll hardly have it at the Circuit.” Toto said, his steely Team Principal mask back on as you climbed off of his lap, feeling everything dripping down your thigh.

“Can I borrow the car?”

“I’d rather drive you.” Toto paused, “Or I will drive and get it for you? No one will question me.”

“Maybe that’s the wisest choice. Fuck Toto, I’m so sorry.” You said, rearranging your skirt and settling beside him.

“Don’t say that, it’s my fault.” He said. “You drive me crazy Y/N.”

Smiling sympathetically you replied, “Likewise.”

Almost pitch black, you could just about make out Toto gazing at you in the darkness beside you. He took your hand in his suddenly before blurting out, “I love you.”

Floored by his words, you replied with the truth, “I love you too.”

#formula one x reader #toto wolff fanfic #f1 x reader

[nightlight-writes]

Chocolate Cake (Mysta Rias x Reader)

Fluff

No Warnings

Author’s Note: I was having vacation last month. It was quite fun, if you ask me.

DISCLAIMER: All characters and events depicted in this work are fictional. They are not intended to represent the RL personas of the streamers concerned in any way.

Mysta wasn’t sure how to feel about the amount of gifts he was currently holding. He had spent a large chunk of his savings on procuring only the finest gifts for his friends and family, and the money left in his wallet wasn’t enough for any sort of meal or drink. You had already spent a lot on gifts as well, so asking you to pay for a meal would’ve been incredibly rude.

“Mysta! Mysta!”

A light smack landed on his right cheek.

The escalator had reached the ground floor. A crowd of shoppers was waiting for you and your boyfriend to

A groan escaped the detective’s lips. “Alright, alright, I’ll get off.”

You tightly gripped his hand as you got off the escalator. Suddenly, Mysta started laughing loudly, causing some of those passing by to give you looks of confusion. To solve this problem, you placed a finger between his lips.

Speaking softly, you told him, “Shh, there’s people here.”

“You see, it’s funny beca-“

The sound of Mysta’s rumbling stomach interrupted your conversation, saving your dignity.

“God, we better get back home this instant, or I’m gonna starve!”

“But we haven’t even eaten yet!”

“Who the fuck cares about dining, I can just cook dinner at home!”

Normally, eating at home would be a sound idea. But there was a problem: Your boyfriend absolutely sucked at cooking.

Luckily for you, there was a bakery located nearby. Ordering a meal from there wouldn’t fill your stomachs for long, but it would give you time to find a proper meal. Still holding your boyfriend’s hand, you suddenly rushed towards the bakery. Shocked, Mysta let out a loud yelp.

The detective’s mouth watered upon looking through the window; among the many desserts on display was a fluffy chocolate cake with whipped cream on top. His turquoise eyes were practically glued to the cake, not particularly caring about the price tag. As soon as you reached the pastel blue counter, Mysta had only one request.

“I want that chocolate cake over there!”

“Sir, a slice of that cake will cost you 250 pounds.”

The man started shaking his wallet, only to hear silence. A dejected look then appeared on his face; if even one slice of chocolate cake cost this much, he would definitely have to cook dinner at home. Yet, you were always apprehensive about partaking in his cooking, once remarking that his meals ‘tasted like wet socks’… Then again, neither of you had tasted wet socks as far as he knew, so you surely had to be exaggerating.

You then brought out your credit card at the speed of light, casually paying for two slices as they were just another item on your shopping list. As soon as you received the cake, the two of you sat on a table outside.

“Well, we could’ve just eaten at home, but thanks.” said Mysta as the ears on his hat perked up.

As soon as he took a bite of the scrumptious dessert, all of his worries had been washed away. The sheer bliss on his face, the little noises he made while chewing… you thought your boyfriend looked absolutely adorable.

“Hey, why aren’t you eating?”

You giggled. “Well, I was just distracted by how cute you are!”

“I’m not cute!” Mysta loudly exclaimed, “Well, you better start eating, because that cake isn’t gonna finish itself! And no leftovers!”

Just before taking your first bite, you took note of his pink, puffed-up cheeks. But your slice was almost about to get cold, so you had no time to waste. It tasted very sweet and sugary, a bit too sweet for your tastes in fact. But this was meant for the two of you, and if this meant being able to see your boyfriend’s smile, it was absolutely worth it.

#nijisanji en #luxiem #luxiem x reader #mysta rias #mysta rias x reader #nightlight.txt

[keiththecat]

Admissible (Part Eight)

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Female Reader (You)

Summary: You've always hunted alone. That is, until Bobby sends you on a hunt near the Winchester brothers. How will things change when they come to help?

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: 18+, series typical violence and monsters, weapons, cursing, groping/ almost sexual assault, self-doubt/ self-esteem issues, character death, injuries, hurt/comfort

Author's Note: Thank you all for continuing to read! I hope you continue to enjoy it!! Y/N is your name, and feedback is always welcome. Thanks for reading and thanks for all the love so far! <3

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any of the related characters. The Supernatural series is created by Eric Kripke and owned by The CW Network. This work of fan fiction is for entertainment only. I am not making a profit of any kind from this story. All rights of the original Supernatural series belong to The CW Network.

Part One

AO3 link here

You wake to an empty bed, rubbing your eyes and sitting up. You feel conflicted to wake alone, disappointed that Sam left you but hoping he left to continue researching. You get out of bed and put your boots back on. When you open the door and step out of Sam’s room, you find yourself no longer inside the bunker. Now inside a grandiose room, the ceilings are stories above you, covered in an intricate painting depicting what looks like angels and war. The floor is smooth black marble, the walls are covered in framed art . Looking behind you for the door you came through, you find a solid wall with more art on it. So a giant room with only one giant set of doors across from me. Totally not weird or suspicious.

You go to draw your gun, hand grasping at air. You pat yourself and find yourself completely unarmed. You sigh, then square your shoulders and move forward. You push one of the doors open, finding it surprisingly easy to open considering its absurdly large size. It opens to a similarly sized room, with the same high ceiling and walls of art. This room, however, has a large fireplace on the wall to your left, and several red couches and chairs around it. There are also several different doors along the walls of this room. There is a man sitting in one of the chairs, facing you. He has short brown hair and a beard that is greying on the sides. He’s wearing a solid black suit, complete with black shirt and a grey tie. He sits tall with an air of cockiness about him.

“Welcome, Y/N. Please, come have a seat,” he says, British accent prominent, gesturing to the seats near him.

You eye him skeptically, but figuring you have no other option, you move into the room and sit on a couch facing him. You sit on the edge of the seat, tense.

“Please relax, we need to talk. Believe me, if I wanted you dead, you would be already,” he says. You sit back, attempting to appear relaxed. You’re sure he can tell you’re faking, but he continues anyway. “I’m sure you have many questions. I’ll be a gentleman and allow you to go first.”

“Okay. Who are you and where am I?”

He smiles, “ah, starting with the easy ones. My name is Crowley, King of Hell. We’re in your dream.”

You raise an eyebrow, “I’m still asleep?”

“Yes, you’re still sleeping. This is just a little something I whipped up so we could chat, just us,” he says, gesturing with his arms like he’s presenting it to you. “I didn’t think Moose, Squirrel, and Wings would appreciate me dropping in to talk to you.”

“Who?” you ask, confused.

“The Winchesters and their angel,” he answers. 

“Oh, okay. And why am I here?”

“Well,” he leans forward, clasping his hands in front of him, “I heard you had a run in with a little group I’ve been looking for. I believe they’re calling themselves ‘The Night.’”

You cross your arms and lean back in your seat, unsure if you should trust him. As you’re scrutinizing him, you are hit with a wave of Sam’s scent, and you instinctively close your eyes to take a deep breath.

“Ah,” Crowley says, standing and stepping closer to you, “you’re starting to wake up and our time is nearly over. Tell the boys to summon me if you want my help with those pests. I believe we can help each other.”

The room in front of you melts away, leaving you in darkness. You can feel small movements against the side of your head, and you realize the movements are Sam’s chest moving with his breaths. At some point in your slumber, you managed to roll on top of him, your legs tangled with his and his arms wrapped around you. You turn and burrow your face into his chest, and you can feel Sam chuckle under his breath. 

“I met Crowley,” you mumble into his chest.

You feel Sam stiffen, “what? When?”

“In my dream. He was in my dream.” You turn your head, placing your chin on Sam’s chest so you can look at him. His brows are furrowed and he looks concerned. “He said to tell you to summon him if we want his help with those demons. Said he’s been looking for them, too.”

“Huh,” Sam hums and relaxes slightly, “I guess I hadn’t considered checking with him yet. Could be worth talking to Dean and Cass about, maybe we could at least get some info from Crowley about them.” You can see the wheels in his mind turning, weighing the consequences.

“So you guys are familiar enough with the King of Hell that he has nicknames for you?” you ask.

Sam rolls his eyes, “that’s one of his favorite ways to amuse himself. What did he call us?”

“Moose, Squirrel, and Wings,” you answer. “I’m guessing you’re ‘Moose?’”

“Unfortunately,” Sam answers, but you can see his dimples threatening to make an appearance.

You close your eyes and tuck your face back into Sam’s chest for a moment, and he tightens his arms around you in response. “How long was I out?”

You feel him move his arm to look at his watch, “a little over six hours.”

You roll over, laying beside him and looking at him with your brows furrowed, “and you’ve been laying here bored for six hours?”

“I wasn’t bored. I was reading,” he gestures to a book on the nightstand beside him. “Plus, you’re pretty cute when you sleep.”

“Oh, only when I’m sleeping, huh?” you tease. Sam’s cheeks turn red, and you can feel yours start to color in response. “Sorry,” you continue, looking at the ceiling, “should we talk about this?”

“Yeah- um-,” Sam stutters shyly, “I mean- I’m all in. I think I have been since I first saw you in that diner.”

“Yeah,” you admit, still looking at the ceiling to avoid eye contact, “I’m in, too. I was definitely trying to fight it at first out of fear. And- I mean- I’m definitely still afraid. I know we hunters don’t really get the luxury of getting close with anyone. I guess I’m kind of hoping that since we’re both in the life, it’ll work out, you know? At least we both know what to expect.”

Sam reaches over and takes your hand, interlocking your fingers, “I’m afraid, too, Y/N. But I know it’ll be worth it.”

You turn to look at each other, and you see his questioning eyes land on your lips, wordlessly asking for permission. You give him a smile and small nod. He releases your hand and slides his right arm under your head. He leans toward you, bringing his left hand to your cheek and his lips to yours. His soft lips meld against yours, and you turn your bodies toward each other, wrapping your arms around him. He wraps his left leg over both of yours, pulling you closer. His tongue touches your lower lip, asking permission and you open willingly. You lose yourself in the kiss and his embrace, both of you pulling away and gasping for air after a while. 

“Wow,” Sam breathes.

“Yeah,” you agree. You find it so easy to lose yourself in the strong feelings you have for Sam. You still have your reservations, but it helps to know he’s nervous, too.

“I hate to say it,” Sam says, “but as much as I want to lay here with you in my arms even longer, we should probably go catch Dean and Cass up on things.” You agree, and he gives you another sweet peck on the lips before getting out of bed. You get up, grabbing your weapons and boots. You rub your arms, feeling chilled now that you’re no longer in Sam’s arms. You turn around as Sam, already dressed and ready again, tosses a blue flannel at you. You catch the shirt smoothly before looking at him with furrowed brows.

“You know my room with my clothes is right across the hall, right?” you ask, pulling the flannel on anyway and enjoying how much it smells like Sam.

“I know but you’ll look better in mine,” Sam smiles and shrugs, offering his hand to you, “ready?”

You take his hand, letting him lead you out of the room to look for the others.

*

You find Dean and Cass in the library, surrounded by books but talking. 

“So Crowley is involved now,” Sam says as you two enter the room. Dean and Cass turn to look at you, both looking concerned. You and Sam take seats across from them, and you proceed to tell them all the details of your dream and conversation with the demon.

“I think we should see what he knows. He said he was looking for them, too. Maybe he wants them gone as much as we do,” you say.

“Problem is,” Dean explains, “Crowley will only help if it benefits him, too. He’ll always put himself first.”

“So we play it safe and plan as if he’s going to cross us. Surely the four of us can handle him, right?” you ask, looking between the men. “I mean, we’ve got the best hunter trio and me. We’re golden, right?”

“Y/N is right,” Cass says, giving you a small smile, “we can handle Crowley.”

Happy that Cass seems to be on your side, you look at the two brothers. They are looking at each other, seeming to have a silent conversation with minimal facial expressions. Finally, Dean looks at you, “alright, we’ll summon him. But first, how do you feel about tattoos?”

“Why?” you ask, looking between the brothers. 

Dean nods, taking your non-answer as an answer, and points at Cass, “Cass, you good to do your rib thing for her? I can take care of the other one.” Cass nods. Dean stands, patting Sam on the shoulder, “alright. Sammy, meet you in the infirmary?” Dean leaves the room.

You look at Sam, hoping he’ll give you an answer. “What’s all this?”

“Well, if you’re gonna be dealing with the bigger things now, you should be protected,” Sam explains. “Cass can give you an Enochian tattoo on your ribs that will help with any angel issues, and Dean can give you an anti-possession tattoo. If you’re okay with all that.”

“If it’s something you recommend, I’ll do it. Do you have these tattoos?”

Sam pulls aside the collar of his shirt, revealing a black symbol on his chest: a pentacle with spokes around it. “Can’t really show you the Enochian one, it’s literally on my ribs.”

“Oh- uh- ouch?”

“Yeah, it’ll hurt for a moment. But it’ll help in the long run, I promise,” Sam takes your hands. “You okay with this?”

You nod, determined. “Yeah, let’s do it. Time to really initiate me into the group, huh?” You look to Cass, “you okay with marking me up?”

Cass nods, “anything to help.”

“You ready?” Sam asks. You nod, holding his hand. Sam nods to Cass, who places a hand on your side. You feel an intense burn under his hand, but it passes after a few short moments, leaving behind only a small ache. Cass removes his hand, “all finished.”

“Thanks, Cass,” you smile at the angel, who returns the gesture. You look back at Sam, “and you say Dean will give me the other one to match you? How?”

“Well,” Sam explains, “he has a tattoo gun. So if you’re okay with a less-than-professional job, we can do it without leaving the bunker.”

Your eyebrows shoot up high, “Dean can tattoo?”

*

A short while later and you are set up on a stretcher in the bunker’s infirmary, since that is the closest to a sterile environment as you’ll be able to get. Sam and Cass are off gathering supplies to summon Crowley, and Dean is meticulously tattooing your skin with the anti-possession symbol. His phone is sitting on a counter next to him, classic rock playing through its speakers.

“So, a tattoo gun, huh?” you ask, making conversation to get to know Dean better but also to distract yourself from the feeling of being tattooed.

He stops working to glance at you with a raised eyebrow, then continues after gently wiping his work. “Thought it would come in handy someday. And would you look at that? I was right.”

“So did you do your tattoo and Sam’s?”

He shakes his head, “no, we went to a shop for ours. I got the gun after that, just in case any other symbols or touch ups were needed later.”

You nod, “that makes sense. But I didn’t think you’d be the artistic type.”

Dean shrugs, looking slightly embarrassed, “I learned over the years.”

“That’s cool, Dean,” you admit. “Plus, it fits the whole leather jacket/ motorcycle/ bad-boy thing you’ve got going on.” 

He smirks, shaking his head at your teasing. “Careful, Y/N, I’ve got control of the needles that are stabbing you right now.”

You laugh a little, doing your best not to jostle Dean’s work. “So how many tattoos do you have?”

“Just a few little ones. Nothing crazy. Had to practice somewhere,” he justifies, and you hum in response. 

Some more time passes with just his music filling the room, but it’s comfortable. Well, as comfortable as it can be with needles stabbing into you repeatedly.

“So,” Dean asks as he puts on the finishing touches, “you and Sammy have a good talk?”

You smile, “I think so, yeah.”

He places a bandage over your new tattoo, “I noticed you’re wearing his shirt.”

You blush. “I was cold and he gave it to me,” you argue.

Dean hums, unbelieving, and smirks at you. “Alright, well, your tattoo is all done.” He turns and puts his tattoo gun away in a cabinet. You stand, heading for the door and wrapping yourself further into Sam’s shirt subconsciously when Dean calls after you, “and Y/N?” You start to turn around, but Dean comes up beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and walking with you through the hallway. “I like you, but don’t hurt my brother.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Dean,” you state, Dean’s threat clear to you. He squeezes your shoulder before letting go, the two of you walking side by side to the dungeon to summon Crowley.

Part Nine

#sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #female reader #supernatural #sam winchester x you #sam x you #spn imagine #supernatural imagine #spn #reader insert #fanfic #fanfiction #dean winchester #castiel #bobby singer #crowley #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester fic #sam x y/n #pov you #keiththecat

[nightcolorz]

Fuck marry kill Marius, David, Claudia

cw..I get very crude and make some really gross and insane jokes about ig canon typical terrible consent and abuse and stuff. Also if u like Marius or David Talbot u will not like this post 😭 I’m so sorry for this. When I first saw this ask I got SO EXCITED because I am such a huge fan of fmk especially with fictional characters it’s so fun it’s so silly it follows this train of thought that I love to go on. But then I registered who the characters were and I went “ah ok anon wants me dead” 😭😭. This is a pure nightmare scenario, this is a loss-loss, no matter what i choose it will result in me giving in to devastation and going into oncoming traffic. So bad, so bad. Anon what did I do to deserve this.. I live for it though, and tysm for sending this ask, even though thinking about this made sorrowful tears come to my eyes. Here’s my answer 😭

I think it’s really clever and uniquely cruel how you paired Claudia with these two because it forces me to choose either Marius or David Talbot to fuck (unless i want to publicly declare the character in the body of a five year old girl as the best bet for that) so thanks for that, really uniquely sadistic choice. This was difficult, it was really difficult, but I’m going to go with fuck David Talbot. We don’t have as many canonical records of his sex life as we do Marius, and the ones that may or may not exist I am blissfully unaware of because I skipped over the majority of Merrick since I can’t fucking stand David Talbot 😭 So yeah I’ll fuck him, only because I believe it would be significantly less scary then fucking Marius, who feasibly might start beating my ass at some point. I’d probably have to fake an organism if I gave a shit with David bcus he doesn’t know where the clit is (nor does he care) and would be just ramming into me like I’m his teenaged looking 1000 dollar sex doll he lost access to when he left the Talamasca that’s being studied for science now. He’d just looming over me in missionary going “oh blimey! Good god!” Periodically in between pig like grunts until he cums inside me (condom mysteriously breaks), cleans himself up while he doesn’t make eye contact, and leaves. Even still this is leagues better then fucking Marius, who has the threatening unpredictable sternness and barely restrained fury of your dad trying not to beat tf out of you while he explains your math homework to you, which honestly that energy would probably give me a panic attack half way through his sensual biting at my underarm and I’d burst into tears as he watched me with this vaguely infuriated expression at having to both decipher and comfort an inferior female if he wants to continue gyrating his tongue around my main arty until he cums his 11th pair of red pants without me kicking him in his stupid fucking high cheek bones and calling the cops. So yeah, David for fuck…

Marius I’d kill because this is something I often wish I could do in real life, and because marrying him is nightmare scenario of all time. I would literally rather eat my own ass hair. Imagine an existence of just, your freakish blonde man husband is furiously painting your asshole as your heart slams in your chest like a pray animal paralyzed in fear because if you say the wrong thing he may pull out the old whip and send u straight to god. These are the downs of your marriage, the ups are smiling and nodding passively as he explains to you in excessive but ultimately fruitless and dull textbook esc detail the complete history of Rome as your pretend that you care despite him not giving a single shit about whether or not you are enjoying this (he thinks you’re not smart enough to understand anyway). Then your nights end with a romp in the bath where he fists his entire clawed hand up ur puss as he grits his teeth and resists mauling you like an animal. You ask for him to please penetrate you so you might actually get smth out of this and he refuses and instead bitterly strokes your hairless genitals (he forces u to shave ur entire body so that ur baby smooth. he can’t be aroused by a body that looks too mature) until u miserably cum. I don’t know why anyone would want this, he’s not even hot enough to justify that. Oh god I’m talking about sex again. Anyways I’d kill marius and marry Claudia 🥰 yes I am choosing to marry the five year old die mad haters.

Claudia would be a shit wife and she wouldn’t give a single fuck about me but I’d marry her in a heartbeat before David or Marius, Jesus Christ. She’d spend all night every night spending my money on excessive shit she doesn’t need and force me to go with her most of the time because as a five year old appearing women she wouldn’t be allowed to do most things without me being there. We wouldn’t kiss or hug or have sex because I’m not into five year olds and she’s not into anyone let alone me but she would cuddle me sometimes which would be vaguely nice in the way that cuddling a cat is until u realize the cat is only using u for ur bodies warmth and is not endeared to u at all in this moment, basically that’s Claudia. Like a cat with the labor of a child who u occasionally have very interesting and intellectual conversations with when she’s not passive aggressively glaring at you over her book (she takes after her twink ass father).

anyways I hope my answer was satisfactory 😁😁😘😘 fuck David marry Claudia kill Marius ��️ I’m inviting anyone to send me tvc related fuck marry kills, plz do so because I find them soo fun and I’m basically invincible now that I got the worst one out of the way bless

#the vampire chronicles #tvc #vampire chronicles #vc #iwtv #interview with the vampire