#ignore how i stayed up till 2 40 to do this

[ookamihanta]

be my valentine! 💗

#just something small and cute for the boys on v day #ignore how i stayed up till 2 40 to do this #jondami #damijon #dc #jonathan kent #damian wayne #animated #gif #animation #chibi #aj art #supersons #super sons

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Oooh, ask game! I am also looking for distractions, yet cannot focus enough to get absorbed in anything, so let's go! (Obviously only answer as much or as little of this as you feel like):

I feel like I've read your answers to most of the actual asks before. Maybe not 🪄?

I'd love to request Bishova ficlets, but have no prompts to offer.

You mentioned reading up on experiences of recognizing one's orientation later in life - were there any stories that especially stayed with you, or any common threads that surprised you?

What to share any thoughts on Becca's post-US life?

Yes after I posted it I realized I may have posted it already. And yay distractions!

what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

Oh my gosh. Well Unpredictable Synchronicity has been my most popular fic by far so reading the comments and replying has been a nice way to fill their weirdness. It's definitely a big nervous energy! I do write my author's notes with random reflections and try to be reflect in how I grew with the fic.

You mentioned reading up on experiences of recognizing one's orientation later in life - were there any stories that especially stayed with you, or any common threads that surprised you?

This won't surprise anyone but there is a lot of shame around virginity which is awful. I was a bit of a late bloomer and didn't kiss anyone till my second semester of college (and then got mono/Epstein Barr from the first person I kissed, fucking classic) and I was very anxious about my sexual inexperience to the point that I had panic attacks (this was in a soup with US Evangelical Purity culture which I am a survivor of that - like 1. Why haven't I had sexual experiences am I unlovable and 2. If I have sexual experiences I am an unlovable monster)(lalala).

So I really like exploring virginity in my fics because it is so vulnerable and it's a lovely fun thing to write first times. The thing I learned when I was in my sluttier phase is that some people are better at kissing and sex than others and experience is not always a factor in that. ANYWAY! That's not what you asked.

So my favorite stories where very much like Steve's which were like "I never really let myself think about sex for (life reasons and/or because I was queer) and then I started yearning for it and was really nervous and now I feel really good about my sex life" - some of these people were 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 etc when they acknowledged that part of themselves, which is both very sad because usually it's because they were queer and closeted but also lovely they found this new source of joy! That's what I was looking for - examples of people who had for various reasons ignored their sexuality because that's how I pictured Steve and I wanted to see first hand examples of that.

I didn't want it to be like Bucky was so handsome he magically gave Steve a sexuality but more like Steve is finally in a place where he can go to a hierarchy of needs beyond survival, and also in a place where he can be more subconsciously comfortable acknowledging that he finds men attractive, and he starts to be curious about the sexual side of himself.

So to make sure I wasn't falling into that cliche I wanted to read about real people who had a similar arc.

Bucky is coincidentally nearby and very interesting to Steve as he starts to slowly realize his body maybe isn't just for fighting Nazis. I think if Bucky hadn't turned up Steve would have dated someone else and still come out of the closet because he was going down that rabbit hole.

Another trend is I wish more people had the asexual label available to them as many stories to me read as Ace (aka lots of stories like I am 40 and never had sex and honestly don't care or want to am I broken? No you aren't!). Like we need to acknowledge that sex is not the only interesting thing in life and it's really normal if people don't do it or rarely do.

Another trend is obviously lookism, and people saying they aren't conventionally attractive enough to attract a partner which is a whole thing I want to acknowledge but don't have the spoons to write about because waaaahhh the world sucks.

A last trend is sexual trauma. I have a friend who had a lot of severe sexual trauma and no interest in sex. Her first husband was asexual which was a great fit for her. But they divorced and now she is trying to find her place in that and her sexuality with a new partner who she is shocked to realize she wants to have sex with in her early 40s but her body is also terrified of sex so it's a whole thing.

Anyway, to me sex is like food. People build shrines to food and get really into it, and honestly I do not know why it's so boring. I fucking hate cooking and find eating a chore. Except when I don't. I occasionally enjoy a really good meal. I love Thai but don't really feel sad if I go a year without eating it.

So that is seen as fairly normal re: food, but people who feel a similar ambivalence towards sex are seen as really missing out and I think that is dumb.

This is a VERY long way of answering your question but those were some of the themes.

What to share any thoughts on Becca's post-US life?

I think Becca stays single for a long time. I kept trying to imagine her with different partners and none of them stuck. She has a great career and awesome friends and she and Bucky stay roommates and Bucky and Steve split their time between the Tower and Bucky's house for pretty much forever.

#writer ask game #writer thoughts #writer asks #Ask games #zenaida talks (too much) #Sex is very complicated

[face-palming-fox]

i’m.

(lots of shit incoming)

not okay. i mean i haven’t been for a long time but i can put it away enough to... ig function??? idk

but the at least... past 4-5 years i’ve been Mega Not Okay. the past 2-3 being the worst of it yet.

i keep having repeated episodes of Really Bad Brain time annually and i absolutely hate it. last year was bad enough; fucking sucked a lot. and when i thought i was starting to recover and get better from that. the cat got sick.

and i think that was the start of the very slippery slope back into not okaysville. i’ve been stressed and upset (and now traumatize) about him for a year, next month now. constant visits to vets and getting hopes up to have them crushed the next time we go to a vet to ultimately being told we can’t do anything for him (to which i mostly think is because they waited so damn fucking long to see him like it wasn’t an urgent thing going on with him. i personally feel. we had more time with him if they had done their fucking jobs)

and now losing him has just. sent me completely over the edge and i’m drowning. on top of that, getting sick with covid by a neglectful partner and not even receiving ANY attempts of trying to help me feel better while being expect to keep maintaining the house and take care of him or w/e has really put my head in a bad fucking place.

i love my cats more than anything. they’re my babies and i’ve always been way, way more attached to animals than i have humans. and they’re like. 100% why i haven’t pushed harder for ending my relationship that no longer is a relationship i don’t care to have it anymore. i want my freedom back and i don’t wanna keep pretending that we are Something when we’re clearly not; just roommates with a fucking title that keeps me trapped. any attempts i have made at trying to have a convo of us just. not having the status of relationship anymore have been met with ‘nah, i wanna work on it/us’.

i don’t. there’s nothing left to work on. we’re not compatible in this department. i’m sorry i didn’t know who i was when we started dating but. now that i know more, i want something different. i’ve already lost my best friend in him cos being ignored for other people all the time and having to take care of everything in the house as if i’m a maid, caretaker and parent of him (and when i was working, also work 40 hour weeks being forced into a supervisor position basically without the pay and having no respect there as well.. to the point i had to break down and quit to have some sanity back) has not. held up my friendship in him.

there’s no communication. there’s no cooperation. yada yada etc. i’m tired. idk what to do. it sounds stupid and i’m tired of people telling me so but we both love our cats like kids and i’ve been all over the place about splitting them up if we split. i don’t want either of us to not. be able to be around all of them. but i can’t stay here and wait till there’s no more cats. the youngest is 2 now.

and all of this + shit last year has really fucked my head over for whatever the hell i want out of people and relationships of any kind now. i don’t wanna get stuck like this again with someone else (if i can ever leave) and i don’t wanna trip and fall over myself again for someone who was deceptive as fuck (despite the fact of her saying she wasn’t but. my ‘tism ass picks up on patterns and the more i think about shit, the more i see how i was treated as shadily as other people they didn’t like so. dispute that if u want to, i won’t believe it)

i’m gonna withhold some other shit, too. cos it’s. some confusing ass shit and idk what to do with that info (idk what to do with any of this info, clearly, ‘s why i’m whining on tumblr.com about it) but. yea. i don’t even understand friendships anymore and so i’m so fucking afraid of losing more people as well for whatever reasons.

idk. i don’t think bf is a bad person. we’re just bad together. he’s good to his friends and people who need help from him on that side of things. (for the most part, i think he has some unlearning of some things and educating on other things he could work on but w/e.) i just want this status gone before i lose all respect for him. and i wish he would stop fighting me on shit he refuses to see as mistreating me. he invalidates every attempt i make to try and get him to see this is some bullshit way to treat someone, making them take care of everything and not lifting a finger yourself about ANYTHING. even your own messes... it turns into how i make him feel for not praising him for doing basic cleaning... to which i always point out i never receive praise for all the things i do? (i’m not looking for it cos it’s just shit that HAVE to been done daily.. there shouldn’t be any praise involved for keeping a living space clean/keeping pets alive..)

i’m also afraid to actually end shit cos idk if he’ll kick me out if we do. or put the pressure on more for me to get a job/income. i can’t go live with my parents again. they’re worse for me. and idk how to go back to work; it gives me panic attacks.

i’m just so incredibly tired and i’m ready to feel something again. i’m starving to death for affection, attention, respect, communication. and i also want tiddy partners like. 8 years ago. can i pls

c: everything’s a fucking mess. so i sits here.

#i should delete this immediately but #i'm gonna toss it into the cyber void anyway #hopefully my brain puts it on a shelf again for a while cos i'm so tired of my head running in circles these past few weeks

[andysbubba]

home to me

↳ andy let you go once, he doesn't wanna lose you again

a/n: a little series? this one's probably gonna have another chapter or two hehe <3

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

---

Andy's stomach churned when he sees you. In a very good way. It's been a good two years since the break up and he can barely believe that he's seeing you right then and there— in the corner of the cafe that Andy knows you love going to. Your voice made his heart flip. It's so goddamn beautiful and Andy misses it so damn much.

He doesn't even know why he's so stunned at the sight of you. It's the only reason why he's there�� why he's always going there almost every weekend, hoping to get a glimpse of you sometime. You're in the fuzzy, furry jacket that you're always wearing on chilly days, your hair pulled up with a claw clip and your laptop right in front of you with a cup of coffee right by the side.

He tried to get over you, he really did. But even after all the women he met after you, no one made him feel the same way you did. The butterflies in his stomach he gets just talking to you like some teenager, or how his heart just flutters when you smiled at him with that beautiful grin.

Andy couldn't help but look at you every two minutes, while he's waiting in the queue for his turn. He's thinking of what to say if he even has the guts to walk up to you and say hi.

The break up wasn't necessarily bad... it was mutual. Kinda. You were in the middle of your studies and you just wanted to focus on doing well and getting your masters. It's not that Andy was a distraction— really, he actually helped a lot. But between studying and trying to make sure you don't abandon Andy, you realised that taking a break would be good for the both of you.

You were young, only 24 while Andy was 14 years older than you are. He's so mature and wise that you just felt that you just wanted to grow as your own person before you and Andy took it any further and got more serious. You thought that you'd work on yourself, fixing up your flaws and make yourself just grow into a better version of yourself. And as much as Andy disagreed, he didn't want to force you to keep being with him. He thought that maybe, you both could just grow as time passes, and that you can change right next to him.

But he just agreed with you, because he definitely does not want to pressure you into being in a relationship with him no matter how much he actually wants you to stay with him. So technically, it was a mutual break-up to you. But he didn't really feel the same.

And unsurprisingly, Andy simply cannot get over you. Two years passed, and he just wishes that you're by his side again.

"Hi! What can I get for you?"

Andy snaps out of his trance, stepping towards the cashier and ordering his coffee to-go with a bagel as well. He takes a quick glance at you before he decides to change his mind. "Actually— I'll just have those here."

Wait— you recognise that voice.

You instantly glance up from the screen of your laptop, watching the familiar back and broad shoulders standing at the cashier. Holy fuck- Andy?

Your gaze turns back down to your laptop, your mind trying to decide between approaching him or just letting him go... again... like you did 2 years ago. He still fits into those polo tees like a glove, the jeans barely doing his ass justice but it really accentuates his goddamn thighs.

Fuck. Two damn years and you still have it bad for him.

"Can I join?" Andy glances down at some blueprint or floor-plan thing you have on your laptop. "Unless I'm interrupting— you look busy."

"Andy—" You turned to him and back to the opened floor-plan on the screen. "No, no. Hey-" You lowered the screen and put it aside, leaving some space for Andy. You gestured at him to join you in the booth.

Andy takes up the offer, setting the cup in his hand and the bagel right in front of you before he slides in. "Hey,"

You let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, fidgeting with your fingers underneath the table. "Been a long time."

"Yeah," He nods, offering you one of his adorable smiles as he rests his forearms on the table. "I stopped seeing you around, thought you moved away."

"I thought you did— till I heard the news talking about one of your cases." You retort, lips curling into a soft smile. "How've you been, Andy?"

"Same old, y'know. Long hours at the office and takeout nights. Nothing really changed." Andy grins, "How's everything goin' for ya?"

Oh— and he definitely isn't wrong when he said 'nothing really changed'. For this 40-year-old man to still look like the Andrew Stephen Barber you met like 4 years ago? Phew.

"Uhm- pretty good! I'm uh- I just signed a contract with Perkins and Will."

Andy's lips curled into a wide grin. "You did it!"

He remembers?

Your head tilts as you look at him. "You remember?"

"Of course, hon. That's your dream firm." He reaches over table and pats your hand. "I'm happy for you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Andy," You brush a hand through your hair, eyeing Andy in his whole polo tee and jeans glory. "I'm surprised you aren't working on a Saturday morning,"

Andy lets out a laugh at your words, "Yeah- I just thought, y'know. Uh- I'm old enough to stop being such a workaholic."

You raised a brow at that, "Andy, you aren't old." You give him a suggestive glance as your eyes trace his whole figure. "Definitely don't look like it."

"I'll say the same thing for ya, Y/n." Andy didn't bother hiding his gaze either, eyes trailing down your body till it's back up to your face. "Two damn years and you still look as gorgeous as ever, sweetheart."

A breathy laugh leaves your lips. "Always as flattering as ever, Mr Barber."

"You know I'm an honest person, sweetheart." Andy winks before he takes a sip of his coffee.

You hum as you run your finger on the edge of your own cup. "I remember you telling me that all lawyers are really good liars."

You love how familiar this feels. It's like nothing has changed and both of you are back in 2019. Good, good days. Letting Andy go was a dumb move on your side, you realised that pretty soon after the break-up. You should've known that you and Andy would've made it work someway, somehow.

"C'mon, honey. Y'know I can never lie to you." The wide smile he has on his lips is as charming as ever and god if it doesn't just make you fall in love again- as if you ever fell out of love with him in the first place. Andy clears his throat, a hand inching to the back of his neck and softly rubbing the spot. You instantly realised that he's a little nervous. "You dating anyone?"

You let out an almost silent snort, scoffing at his question. "Ya think? I just called you hot five minutes ago, handsome."

Andy takes a bite of his bagel, looking up at you through those goddamn long eyelashes as his mouth moves to chew the food and those fucking pink lips making you stare at him like a horny teenager.

"You've got to stop staring at me like that, sweetheart." He warns, but the glint in his eyes is telling you that he really doesn't mind you staring him up like that.

Your brows raised immediately in defence. "Like what?"

You tried your best to fight the grin fighting its way to form on your lips. But Andy is a goddamn lawyer, after all. He knows his shit and he knows that you're just being a tease.

He huffs, brow arched as he looks at you. "Like you wanna eat me." He replies shortly, lips curling into a smirk. "Cause I was planning to take this slow after 2 whole years. And you aren't helping."

You hum, picking your cup up and taking a sip from it, hiding the grin forming on your lips behind the cup. "You can still wine and dine me if you wanna." You set the cup down and lean forward, head tilted to one side with your head resting in your palm. "But y'know, I'm pretty impatient."

Andy laughs, backing away from you and resting back against his seat. "Guess it's good that I've got enough patience for both of us, huh?"

You laugh at his words. "We'll see, Mr Barber."

He takes your words as an invite to ask you out. "Dinner tonight? My place."

You playfully rolls your eyes, ignoring the little flutter in your heart. "Who's impatient now?"

"It's a yes or no question, sweetheart."

"Still that cute little loft?"

"I'll text you my new address later."

You couldn't fight the grin forming on your lips. "It's a date."

---

He was at the grocery store when he pulled out his phone and goes to your contact to shoot you a text. It has always been there, saved and never deleted. He didn't want to get rid of the hope that he might have you back.

Andy: 242 Warren St [sent 3.24pm]

Andy: See you tonight, sweetheart. [sent 3.25pm]

You didn't reply so Andy just assumed that you read it. He's looking forward to seeing you again tonight and he's excited.

---

It wasn't till you got home that you realised that Andy doesn't have your new number.

-

LOL I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS.

thanks for reading and uhm come join my taglist if you liked this little chapter? I'm definitely looking forward to writing this one.

do tell me what you think about this, lovelies! i'm kinda excited to see where this goes

-haney

taglist: @milea @ajeff855 @fanofalltheficsx @justile @christowhore @amelia-song-pond @melissad1974 @thegirlwiththeimpala @bval-1 @suchababie @ephemeralfics@franzliszts-wife @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hallecarey1@paintdripsandbrownies-blog @notbrooklynsblog @perfect-peter@alwaysclassyeagle @coffeebooksandfandom @gitasor @mansaaay @iguess-vall @feralherbs @kaiparker-avengerssmut

#andy barber smut #chris evans #chris evans x reader #cevans #cevans x reader #chris evans smut #andy barber fic #andy barber x reader #andy barber angst #andy barber #andy barber fluff #steve rogers #chris evans fluff #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x reader #chris evans characters #andy barber x y/n #steve rogers one shot

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

Mistakes

Word Count: 1,713

Characters: Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Reader, OC Characters

Pairings: Eventual Derek Hale x Reader

Warnings: ANGST, Derek being an asshole, TW: drugs, overdose, death

A/N: this will have mulitple parts, either 2 or 3, so nothing too long lol

Masterlist

“I don’t care! Keep looking!” Derek paced around the loft, while Stiles and Scott sat on the couch, bounding their legs nervously. Allison, Lydia, and Isaac were out with Argent, all looking for you. 

“People don’t just disappear,” Stiles shook his head.

“Yeah, no shit,” Derek replied.

“Okay, just think. What did she do all day? Did she go anywhere o-or something? Has anyone seen her all day?” Scott asked.

“She was with you guys last. Her phone’s right here,” Derek held up your phone, before exhaling harshly.

“Maybe it’s time to tell your dad, Stiles. He can help us,” Scott suggested.

“Maybe I should, yeah,” Stiles got out his phone, before hearing the loft doors open. 

The three of them froze, looking at the door cautiously as you stood in front of them. 

“What’s going on?” you frowned slightly.

“What’s going… What’s going on!?! Everyone has been looking for you for the whole day! Where the hell were you?” Derek yelled at you.

“I was on a hunt, I-I forgot my phone, I meant to text you-” you started.

“Stiles, Scott, get out. Now,” Derek clenched his jaw as he kept his glare on you.

The two boys nervously stumbled out of the loft, not wanting to leave you alone with Derek.

“Did you not think it was important to let someone know where you were?’ his voice was calm, but the anger was still evident in his face.

You hated when he would act like this. Ignore you for 40 percent of the time, yell at you for 60. You had grown tired of it.

“I forgot,” your voice was low.

“We wasted the entire day looking for you,” he crossed his arms.

“And I never told you to look for me. If you’re just gonna get mad at me, then I’d like to go now,” you replied.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that? If I had it my way, you wouldn’t be in the pack. You’re less important than Stiles,” you always felt hurt by his words, yet never showed any emotions.

“Yeah, I’m unbelievably useless, as you keep reminding me,” you sighed.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just…” you cut him off, before running your fingers through your hair.

“Why I can’t just listen? Why I can’t just stop being useless? I’m a fucking mistake and you keep reminding me every single second you get. Don’t you think I know by now? If I could change, I would. You refuse to give me the bite and so does Scott. I’d leave Beacon Hills if I could, leave instead of forcing you all to live with the burden of knowing me,” you were already exhausted from your day, and Derek pushing your buttons didn’t help one bit.

“I never said that,” he started.

“You don’t have to. I see the way you look at me, I see the way you all look at me. I have nothing more to say to you, Derek, so if you don’t mind, I’m going home,” he stayed silent while you walked out of the loft. You felt a tear fall down your face before wiping it away, heading back home.

---

“Mom, I’m home,” you placed your bags aside as you pulled off your jacket.

You walked up the stairs, kissing your younger brother’s forehead.

“How’s Mom?” you asked him.

“She said she was feeling better but I don’t believe her,” he replied.

“Thanks for being a strong kid and looking after her while I was gone,” you gave him a small smile before patting his back.

“Go eat your dinner, I’m gonna go check up on Mom,” you said, before making your way up to her room.

“Mom?” she was sitting up in her bed, holding a cigarette in her hand.

“Mom! You can’t have those!” you yanked it out of her hand, throwing it aside. 

“Why not? I feel fine,” you could see dark bags under her eyes, while her skin was visibly paler than earlier that day.

“Did you take something?” you asked.

“What do you mean?” she shook her head.

“I’m talking about drugs, Mom! Did you take any drugs?!” you yelled.

“That’s none of your business,” she crossed her arms.

“Except it is. Do you not remember what happened last week?” you scoffed.

“Last week was a mistake, it’s different now,” you shook your head, remembering her near overdose.

“No, it’s not. You need to get clean, Mom. For yourself, for Sam. Are you forgetting who found your body in the bathroom?” you ran your fingers through your hair as you sighed, thinking of your brother

“Sam should have left with his father,” your mom scoffed.

You felt chills go down your spine, at the mention of your dad.

“Well, Dad’s gone, and he’s an asshole. Mom, please. I need you to start taking care of yourself. I already dropped out of college and I can barely keep us afloat,” you begged her.

“You only started college a month ago,” your mom frowned.

“Yeah, I know. But our family is more important. When we’re stable, I’ll start college again. But in order to do that, you need to promise me, no more drugs,” you said.

Your mom nodded her head before you wrapped your arms around her. You could hear her snoring within a few minutes while you chuckled softly, slowly putting her back in bed before flipping off her lights.

You frowned, feeling your neck and arm bugging you from the hunt, before you rubbed your eyes, yawning.

“(Y/N/N)... I need some help with my homework,” you heard your brother’s voice as you held in a groan.

“Sure, kiddo, Come on,” you led him to your room, before closing the door, making sure not to awake your mother.

---

“Scott, you’re joking,” you exclaimed.

“We called partners like 20 minutes ago! You weren’t here and no one picked Derek,” Scott groaned.

“Yeah, and for good reason. I don’t understand why I can’t be by myself,” you shook your head.

“Because it’s dangerous,” Scott said.

“It’s a vampire!” you exclaimed.

“Exactly!” Scott replied.

You squeezed your fists before exhaling sharply. 

“Fine, where’s the douche-bag?” you sighed before Derek walked to you, rolling his eyes.

“Well, let’s go then.”

---

You rolled your eyes, visibly bored as you and Derek sat in silence. The two of you sat in the car, waiting for any suspicious activity while you watched people walk in and out of the restaurant.

You turned on the radio, before Derek pushed your hand away, turning it off. You glared at him, before taking out your phone.

“Get off your phone,” he said.

“I’m bored,” you replied.

“And we’re on a stakeout mission. Get off your phone,” he said.

You turned it off, before hearing it ring. He glared at you, while you gave him a look, checking your texts.

You felt your chest aching as unbuckled your seatbelt.

“I have to go,” you said quickly.

“What? Why? (Y/N), you can’t leave me-” he started.

“I’m sorry, I really have to go,” you could feel tears rushing from your eyes as you pushed out of the car before he grabbed your wrist.

You pulled away from him, running off into the night.

---

Your brother sat in a chair at the hospital, bouncing his leg nervously.

“Sam,” his head shot up as you called his name.

He ran to your arms, burying his head into your chest.

“I-It wasn’t… It wasn’t an accident this time,” he cried out.

“What happened?” you bent down to his level, putting your hands on his shoulder.

“W-We were watching… We were watching a movie, a-and then she got up, a-and… she didn't come back,” your brother stumbled with his words, holding in his cries.

“Shh, it’s okay. It's okay,” you wrapped your arms around him tightly, before shutting your eyes tightly.

She was getting better, it has been a week since your conversation with her, and she was trying so hard.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” you heard the doctor as he walked towards you.

“I’m so sorry…” their words drifted off as you bit your lip, tears rushing down your face as you held onto your brother tightly, holding in your cries as you shut your eyes tightly.

She was gone. She died.

---

You held onto your brother as the two of you made your way back to your house, biting back a sob.

“H-Here… I need you to… How about you go to y-your room?” you said.

He nodded before walking upstairs. Your body began to visibly shake, while you cried, holding in your sobs so he wouldn't hear you.

You leaned against the table, breathing shakily as more and more tears escaped from your eyes.

You heard loud knocking, banging at the front door as you wiped your face, before opening it.

You were met with Derek’s angered face as he gripped your arms tightly.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he yelled.

“I-I,” you stuttered.

“No! Shut up! The vamp killed three people before I could do anything! Do you have any idea how big of a mistake you made?! Why did you leave?! What was so important that it couldn't wait till later?!” he yelled.

“I’m sorry,” you started.

“You little…What is wrong with you?!” he yelled.

You pushed him away from you, as you clenched your jaw. He only walked closer to you, before you swing your fist, punching him in the jaw, only angering him more.

His eyes glew red as he pushed you against the wall. You could see his claws coming out of his hand, digging into your arm.

“Derek…” your voice broke.

“(Y/N)?!” you heard Sam crying loudly, standing by the stairs.

Derek’s class retracted, his face softening.

“Who the hell is that?” Derek asked.

“Get the hell away from me! You want me out so bad?! You got your fucking wish! Leave!” you screamed at him.

You punched him back, kicking him out of your house before locking the door behind you.

You fell to the ground, sobs erupting from you while Sam ran to you, burying his head in your lap.

“I-It’s gonna be okay,” you cried softly, running your fingers through his hair.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

#teen wolf #teen wolf text #teen wolf fic #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf angst #Derek #derek hale #derek hale text #Derek Hale Angst #derek hale imagine #derek hale x reader #derek hale x you #derek hale x reader angst #derek hale x platonic!reader #scott mccall #scott mccall imagines #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinski imagine

[no-reply95]

So I listened to the Something About the Beatles (SATB) latest podcast today, titled “Dear Friend” with the topic of conversation John and Paul’s relationship in the 1970s. So I was thinking that this would be great because I feel like the primary things talked about when the John/Paul 1970s dynamic is discussed is Lennon Remembers, How Do You Sleep and the PlayBoy interview, maybe they’ll throw in the Lost Weekend for balance if they’re feeling so inclined... I’m obviously exaggerating here but... Firstly, before I start my rant, SATB is a good podcast, they usually have great guests (Erin Torkelson Weber the MVP of course), cover interesting topics and Robert Rodriguez is a good host who’s good at challenging things in the story that don’t ring true.

However, I feel like throughout the Beatles active years and into the post break-up years there’s a narrative that has been established that so many people are wedded to, to the point that it’s part of the orthodoxy of the band. In my opinion the narrative is that from first meeting up until the moment that John died Paul was always doing everything to be John’s BFF, he was always trying to be closest to John, no matter what John said or did, Paul would always be the one to try and mend fences and throughout the 70s he was doing whatever he could to end up back working with John. I don’t think this narrative is completely wrong but I think it’s uneven mainly because, in all this, Paul’s importance to John is completely glossed over and John’s manoeuvring to ensure that he was the most important person in Paul’s life is completely missed. So, I just want to highlight some of the instances off the top of my head where I feel that John showed how much he needed to be prioritised in Paul’s life and how much he wanted to mend fences post break-up, that I feel don’t get talked about often enough:

1) John’s competition with Jim McCartney: There’s a lot of stock put into the John-Paul-Stu triangle but that obscures a weird triangle that, maybe Paul wasn’t even aware of, but I think definitely existed which is John-Paul-Jim. By all accounts Jim didn’t want John around and was against John and Paul’s friendship. Jim had a lot of influence over Paul and had a lot of sway as his sole parent once Mary died and I think John was resentful of that. We all know about the ultimatum John gave Paul when he took the job (that Jim implored him to get) which jeopardised his commitment to the band. In John’s eyes and own words, Paul choosing to quit his job to commit fully to the band was Paul choosing John over his dad. No one (in books I’ve only seen Joshua Wolf Shenk discuss this) discusses how Jim was effectively John’s Stu, someone that obstructed his closeness and ability to influence Paul to the point that over a decade later, post break up, John saw Paul focusing on the band as a victory over his dad. John had a jealously of Paul’s closeness and prioritisation of his family that would rear its head further down the road but, by and large, I rarely see this discussed.

2) John’s jealousy of Paul’s other close friendships: On this front, we hear ad nauseam, about Paul’s jealousy of Stu, which is fine because, even without Paul acknowledging it, it’s obvious from space that Paul was jealous of Stu’s closeness to John but we never hear about John’s jealousy of Paul’s other close friendships. All the Beatles were close to Mal Evans but I think Paul was especially close to him (he was the first Beatle to befriend Mal, Mal lived with him at Cavendish for some time, Mal helped Paul write some songs etc.) which got to John. In John’s own words when discussing Magical Mystery Tour he was “choked” when he found out that Paul had come up with the idea with Mal and Mal’s widow has said that Yoko told her that John had told her (whew Chinese whispers time) that he was jealous of Mal’s friendship with Paul... Then there’s Tara Browne, it’s interesting that despite Tara apparently being really friendly and outgoing John never took to him. Maybe it was because Tara was upper class. Maybe it was because after pestering him for months, Paul chose to do LSD with Tara instead of with John and the rest of the band. Maybe it was because Paul invited Tara up to Liverpool, right after Christmas, to hang out with his family resulting in the infamous moped crash. If I put my tin foil hat on, in “A Day in the Life” when John’s reaction to the death of a man in a car crash is “to laugh” is that meaningful? The song is thought to reference Tara but does that passage give us a glimpse into how John saw Tara? If he’s laughing about Tara dying then it sounds like he really didn’t like him, possibly due to his close friendship with Paul.

3) John’s resentment of Paul’s romantic partners: So this one is interesting... There are quite a few examples to walk through so here goes. We have the incident in Hamburg where Paul is in bed with a woman and John (in the aftermath of Stu’s death and probably high on prellies) comes charging in attacking the girl, cutting up her clothes and basically scares her out of the room, maybe that was just the prellies but there seems to be too much of a pattern to ignore. Then there’s Jane of course, we don’t know a ton about John’s interactions with Jane over the years but it’s interesting that he makes a terrible first impression with her (asking her to describe how girls masturbate) and it seems that their relationship is cordial at best going forward (note how Jane and Paul never go on holiday alone with John and Cynthia in the same way George and Ringo did with their respective partners). Peggy Lipton also tells the story about how when she came to hang out with Paul in 1965, John was really rude to her out of nowhere and asked “what she was doing there” and she seemed to think that John couldn’t understand why Paul wanted to take her to dinner if all he was going to do was fuck her. Then, there’s Linda... John consistently gives interviews in the early 70s when he talks about how in a few years Paul will wake up and leave Linda, according to Ray Connolly John couldn’t believe that Paul was staying faithful to Linda and then there’s other weird occurrences in that late 60s/early 70s period. There’s the fan who claims seeing John about to hit a pregnant Linda before Paul stepped in, there’s John rushing to get married as soon as Paul does (8 days later I think which is WILD to me), there’s John describing Paul’s wedding as a “funeral” in ‘71... What does all this tell us? That John was too busy replacing Paul with Yoko to care about Paul anymore? In my book, it’s John’s fears being realised that Paul would always prioritise his family over him when push came to shove, in John’s mind he had won when he was competing with Jim for Paul but once Linda came into the picture and gave Paul the family he always wanted, I think in John’s mind, it was game over. Maybe if Paul had divorced Linda in the 70s (like John predicted) they would have worked together more, we’ll never know, but in a similar way to Yoko, Linda was a wedge in John’s relationship to Paul.

4) John’s attempts post break-up to reach out to Paul: We hear a lot about Paul reaching out to John in the 70s and not engaging with the feuding anymore, it’s Paul that decides not to respond in kind to HDYS, it’s Paul that invites John to the Venus and Mars sessions, it’s Paul going to the Dakota to see/try to see John, it’s always Paul seemingly who misses John and wants to reestablish their relationship. However, according to May Pang, John was happy to do Bangladesh if Paul was doing it too. According to Ray Connolly, John gave him a letter to give to Paul, in the hopes that Paul would call him. According to Paul and other people involved in the One to One concert, John asked Paul to appear with him during his performance in ‘72. And in the face of the backlash from HDYS, John’s the one going around calling Paul his best friend ,other than Yoko, and sending him Beatles bootlegs for Christmas.

All this is to say that John and Paul did not have this one sided relationship where only Paul cared and wanted them to repair things or where only Paul was looking to manoeuvre a situation so he was closest to John, John also wanted to be the closest person in Paul’s life, he was jealously protective of their partnership (see his angry reaction to Paul not coming to him and only him to help with Eleanor Rigby) he also seemed to fear losing Paul to his family which may have happened in his mind, who knows. Because John’s most famous post Beatles interviews have him bashing Paul and Paul’s had 40 years to talk about how much he loved John, there’s this view that Paul loved John more than John loved Paul or that John loved Paul until Yoko came in the picture, at which point Paul was no longer relevant. If Paul meant nothing to John anymore, why did he even bother writing HDYS, if he was so tuned out he wouldn’t have been bothered by Ram, none of the critics were so why was John all over that album more than a Paul is Dead truther?! Why did Yoko block Paul’s calls to John, they were happy to hang out with Ringo, what was so threatening about Paul? Why, according to Robert Rosen, were John’s diaries full of his obsessions about Paul?? We’ll never know a lot of the answers to these questions but I would love it if more podcasts even acknowledged that these questions exist and acknowledged that Paul was such a huge part of John’s life till his dying day: “we have our ups and downs but I would do anything for Paul and I think he would do anything for me” John Lennon December 8 1980.

Apologies for the rant it seems listening to Beatles podcasts always seems to set me off! But SATB is a good podcast, just feel that there are so many interesting conversations that get missed in favour of the usual narrative time and time again, so close but no cigar!

Thanks to @onesweetdreampodcast and @anotherkindofmindpod for being the only podcast I’ve heard to date brave enough to discuss these questions, I think doing that will give us a much better understanding of the Beatles and how their story unfolded.

By the way most of what I referenced above can be found in @amoralto incredible blog, have fun!

#the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #john and paul #something about the beatles #dear friend #jealous guy #complex relationships #thoughts #my rants

[fbfh]

promptember day 11 - 2/2 draco x reader (mild enemies to lovers) - 40 smut

(aged to 18+ for nsfw content)

//reminder that in real life ‘being mean cause they like you’ doesn’t exist! This is fiction and everything is consensual! Tropes that are fine in fiction don’t always translate well to real life! Stay safe ily!//

You can’t seem to get away from Draco Malfoy. You’re constantly running into each other, ending up in the same classes, hell, the same empty hallways for miscellaneous sneaking around and various mischief.

It's not just that fate throws you two together a lot, it’s the way he looks at you, the way you always end up interacting. He scrutinizes you like he’s studying something, trying to crack a code, trying to see how all the pieces connect. Whenever you two talk, which is much more than acquaintances should, you seem to have his full attention in ways no one else does. He doesn’t even seem to focus on his homework as much as he does on you.

It’s a strange comparison, but it always reminds you of when the prince meets Cinderella in the marketplace. The way he so desperately wants to know her, know more about her. You see that same drive in Draco, and it makes you wonder if you could ever get along, ever understand each other.

Today, however, he’s really getting on your nerves. You’re trying to focus on your homework, and not feed into his little game of distracting you, but it’s not going well. You’ve had to physically bite your tongue three times to stop from saying something very impulsive and probably really rude. You’re doing better than usual at not giving him a reaction, but you can tell you’ll give in soon if he keeps this up.

He sits down next to you, leaning over and looking at what you’re writing, placing a hand idly on your shoulder.

“Your handwriting’s quite messy, isn’t it?”

Count to ten, you tell yourself, take deep breaths.

“And why do you write your a’s like that? It looks-”

“Fuck you, Malfoy!” You stand up, reeling around to yell at him, eyes piercing into his, widened in shock, “Is it really that hard to not mess with me every minute of the day?” You let out a laugh, getting closer to him.

“I guess I can’t even do homework now without tuning into the annoying blondes channel.”

He’s standing up now, too, and you refuse to be at all flustered by how much taller he is than you or how close you’re standing. You grab his tie, gently pulling him closer.

“Or are you just so obsessed with me-”

Before you can finish the sentence, your back is against the stone wall. Draco has you caged in, one arm up, the other wrapped around your waist.

“Yes.” he breathes. “About bloody time you noticed.”

Your face is burning hot, and you think back over the past few months. You squint, searching his face for insincerity. You find none.

“Have you been flirting with me this whole time?” you question, bewildered. He lets out a breathy, warm laugh, and you’re once again overwhelmed at having his undivided attention.

“Have you always been this oblivious?”

In an instant, all your feelings shift. The annoyance melts into infatuation, the irritation into excitement, the frustration into… a different kind of frustration.

Oh my god, have you and Draco been crushing on each other this whole time? Did everyone know except you?

You try to ignore the familiar tingling feeling building up, even though it’s almost unignorable already.

“What,” you ask, desperately trying not to come undone in front of him, not like this, “so, you like me or something?”

His face comes closer to yours somehow, hand caressing your cheek. His fingers are long and cool against your skin.

“Love,” he says, warm breath fanning against your skin, “I am utterly obsessed with you.”

He pulls back slightly, studying your face, waiting to see how you feel.

Before you can stop yourself, your hands are on his cheeks, pulling him close, pressing your lips to his. After a moment he does the same. You kiss each other with an enthusiastic hunger, just beginning to break the tension that’s been building for so long.

One hand on your jawline, the other ghosts down from your waist to your leg, sending electricity up your spine.

‘This isn’t what I had in mind when I yelled fuck you,’ you think, fighting a smile as he presses kisses down your neck, his touch addictive, and exactly what you need.

Your homework can definitely wait till later.

#draco x reader #harry potter x reader

[tinisprout]

Juyeon AOTM Analysis

@nyuwings

ok, I'll ramble then lol. So in the aotm spotlight interview/preview video, Juyeon said, "I went through a slump, and I had a hard time then. 'Juyeon you can do it,' I tried to capture myself controlling my mind and going over it in my head to overcome it through this performance." This is actually something I forgot about till like 3/4 of the way through analyzing lmao, but REMEMBER these words I'm gonna bring them up again. I'll be differentiating the three sections of the story/dance with the popping color he used for each outfit.

RED:

The beginning of the video starts off with Juyeon squatting on the ground quite literally in a slumped position. he does a little dance and then the video is gray-scaled, the only color that pops is Red, then Juyeon is dragged off-screen. I believe that is supposed to be us going inside Juyeon's head and seeing what's going on there. With that, the background is turned into a slow pulsating Red and Juyeon is dancing on his own. at this moment he looks like a doll on strings the moves are very robotic like he has no free will of his own. Then the first killing part, (0:40) you should see me in a crown, he lifts his hands up, and then the people in black(PIB) bloom out of him. You can think of the PIB as his thoughts or negative emotions, (I'll be referring to them as thoughts but both kinda work.) anyway, after they bloom out of him the first thing they do is reach for juyeon, holding him back. Then they continue dancing together and before the Red section ends Juyeon squats/slumps on the ground again and the PIB control him like a puppet on strings (1:04). So this entire Red section represents all the thoughts in his mind-controlling what he does.

Yellow:

If you notice throughout the entire Yellow section Juyeon will express a lot of pained/struggling faces, so looks out for the emotions in this section. The Yellow section starts off with juyeon dancing with the PIB again, at 1:18 you can see the moment the PIB stops dancing and turns to walk off screen Juyeon flicks his wrist like he is pulling at a string. This signifies his first step to taking control of himself again. Back to the dancing with the PIB, at 1:28 Juyeon looks like he is struggling with himself, and then one of the PIB turn his body around and he immediately brushes the PIB away with his arm. Then lifting that same arm up he shakes his finger like he is saying, 'no more of this.' He is then alone and falls to his knees like the strings controlling him were cut. He does this sort of shivering movement, like when you're suddenly hit with a cold breeze and you shiver, your body trying to adjust to the environment. After the shiver, he lifts his leg up, moving it and dropping it, showing us how hard it is to move his own body. He gets up and once again like in the Red the PIB comes out of him again, showing that even though he brushed the unwanted thoughts away last time they are still here they always will be. Once all the PIB are out Juyeon slumps over in pain, they disappear and he comes back up still looking hurt, but quickly gets over it. Now that they are gone he lifts his hands in front of him, controlling his legs with the strings, ready to take control of his life. The PIB (his thoughts) come rushing back in, one of them literally tumbling over him, showing how relentless and inescapable these thoughts are. (1:55) The PIB surround him again like at the end of the Red section, reaching their hands out to him wanting to control him, but he doesn't let his happen again instead he picks himself up and then they start dancing together in the same motion. The PIB picks Juyeon up flipping him, and Juyeon continues smoothly after being flipped, walking back in the middle and they continue dancing. This is Juyeon rolling with the punches, no matter what these thoughts, emotions, or voices in his head trying to make him do things, he won't listen and will push forward doing what he wants. (2:19)Juyeon stops dancing, the PIB walks around him while he completely ignores them, and then it's the Solo dance. Compared to the other very short times Juyeon was dancing alone, this time his movement is more fluid, with fewer pauses between each move, this is the most control he has ever had over himself so far. The Yellow section is him fighting for control, pushing forward no matter how hard it is. He is telling himself, 'Juyeon, you can do it.'

White:

Juyeon does a spin kick and we are now on the white section which is the shortest for the performance but shows his growth. Unlike in the Yellow section here, Juyeon does not look like he is in pain anymore instead he looks confident and powerful. This is still a group dance but the difference is that Juyeon used to be so close to the PIB, either slightly in front of them, slightly behind them, or surrounded by them, this time Juyeon is in front of all of them and the PIB are behind him in like a pyramid or arrow shape. Juyeon is at the top and the thoughts are behind him right now he rises above that lol. (2:48) Juyeon then hops back a bit and he is once again closer to the PIB and they take that opportunity to reach out to him again, trying to control him. Juyeon then flips the script, he uses his hand to control the PIB, just like he said her would in the spotlight video, he is controlling the thoughts in his mind. You can see while he is doing this he seems to be struggling again. With Juyeon in the center, the PIB put in their place, they now march to the beat of Juyeon's drums. (2:58) Juyeon then does this shrugging motion and the PIB do the same but instead of staying in the frame, they leave as if they were dismissed. The White section signifies Juyeon taking full control, he is asserting his dominance at the end when he looks down on the camera unafraid. While the thoughts will always be there and come back he knows how to handle them now.

-end-

asdfghjkl this ended up being longer than I thought, but I think I got the message across. there are a few smaller details I wanted to mention but it's already so long and I thought if I did I would go on a tangent and then it wouldn't make sense.

#juyeon #lee juyeon #juyeon tbz #the boyz #tbz #tbz juyeon #the boyz juyeon #juyeon the boyz #juyeon lee #studio choom #artist of the month #artist of the month juyeon

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 Rafe Sadler

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? Hummm... I once as a boy, had a very dirty thought about one girl I saw across the way in church she was beautiful and I thought about doing things to her about us sitting side by side and touching each other but I never saw her again after that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? Now would be nice. But I like in the morning as the sunlight shines in across y/ns perfect skin watching the sunrise and the fire embers flicker thought the canopy on our bed as we make love in that sweet sleepy morning state

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? Seduced? I don't know. I like to be touched not like... Overly sexually just like touch my arm, my hand, my hair something about it I just kinda like it

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? Ohhh! Once I was in the office with Cromwell going over some paperwork and some letters and my mind sort of drifted a minute and I imagined y/n coming in to dust and sitting on my lap letting me grind against her till I was hard and desperate for her and then she got down and sucked my cock but cromwell woke me up before I could imagine much more

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I would not. No thank you.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? Ignore it. I don't get horny In public often usual only when my little ladies getting frisky and wants a little attention so I usually just take her somewhere private and make sure she makes me feel better

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom?

No. I have not and frankly that's sounds like a bad idea

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself?

I like to picture y/n. The strangest was when I hadn't known her too long and I imagined coming across her in the house as she was bathing, of her sat in the hot steamy water naked rubbing soap up her..... Uuuummmm I miss picturing that but I don't usually have to anymore

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? I once used a pillow and some intricately placed blankets within the case

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? I remember it well. I was only a young boy maybe ten, eleven. And I went down to the kitchens as I was still new in the cromwell household and I saw this girl, this woman who was doing the laundry and I saw as she was scrubbing the clothes down the washboard I could see her wet bouncy boobs in her dress and yeah it uhh did something to me.

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? I did. With my hand one dark winter night after looking at our new maid girl all day

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? It was amazing!

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?

I have not. I've thought about people I didn't know but never much else.

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? I love what they do so my little lady, y/n loved quickies and they drive her crazy which makes her very needy and very loud.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done?

I stood watching the maid girl in the kitchens as she was knelt down scrubbing the floor her dress all wet from the water she was washing it with, I had desired her a long time by this point and I just... I went over and slapped her butt kneeling down with her and rubbing myself on her ass, I'd barely even spoken to her yet but she resupricatid it back and we ended up losing our virginity to each other right there on the kitchen floor, and we've been happily and smuttily together ever since

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?

No! Damn I thought I was a horny little bastard

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?

No just y/n I like thinking about what's below her dresses

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them?

I do. And then I usually make a note of it and make her do it once we get home.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

I have, me and gregory grew up much like brothers as I was part of his father's and families service for so long being part of there household, and he thought of me much like a brother And infact still does but one night, we weren't that old he wanted to see if... That was something he liked and I admit I was curious so we kissed, and gently touched each other but we both agreed, it wasn't for us.

20. What inspires you to make the first move?

Hummm? How horny I am I guess?

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?

I think to be good in bed you have to be willing to change and be considerate of your partner, it's two of you working together and you have to work together it can't be about one or the other.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself?

No! Many times richard and others have stopped places on trips but no. I wait till I get home so I can save it all up and ravish my little lady

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush?

No! I adore y/n! After cromwell's I entered the king's household I could have had a lady, a princess, anyone I wanted but I staied with y/n until we got married because I love her so much

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

Y/n. Bathing.

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Windows. I suppose. Well watching y/n

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

Yes! Usually because you ever been to tudor england, if we blow out the candles it's fucking dark ain't much to see anyways well it's my beautiful wifey but not much I can see in this level of darkness

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Well I have tied her up a couple of times and she had too me too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

I like when y/n whispers to me especially in public or in meetings or other such things, once I had to go to court so I brought her along with me and as we sat watching the king speak about his new wife, she slipped her hand across my leg and whispered "please master Sadler, I miss you so bad it's dripping down my legs" Umm dirty little girly! And yes I did take her out at the first time I could and we had a quickie against the wall in the gardens of the palace.

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex goddess?

Very sure princess xx

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

Not during we don't take alot during but 'my waters getting a little cold maybe you could help me warm it up' as she was sat in the bath. Yeah.... That was a good day.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

No!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

No!

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

No thank you I am good

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

She usually just says how beautiful I am and how much she loves me which in happy with

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not have sex dreams. I have a sexy wife you see I just kinda turn over tap her and go hey... Sexy time?

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Weird! And I don't wanna be involved ever

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Well... I don't think so, I wouldn't say I have.

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

I don't like one night stands

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Ohh like five minutes, with y/n well it depends how mean she is to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Water! Or we'll when stuff is wet like a wet corset, a wet dress, wet hair just ummm something about it is so hot

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member? Close friends yes! Anyone my age in the house hold till they hired y/n.a

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Yes. Many times

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Many years ago before my first time

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

I have cum to early alot and uhhh I think that's it

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Very much and I know she liked watching too but I adore to watch her

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

She once sent me a note that said she was in the bathroom waiting for me in a bubble bath

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Uhhh windows

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

I like when she licks

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Dominant but... I'm happy to switch

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

Nothing with her butt just... Not somewhere I wanna go

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Ummm watching her bathe in her sexy bubble bath and then tieing her naughty little hands together and having my way with her anyway I want

52. How many people have you slept with?

One! And I indent to keep it that way

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

Uuhh the river? Royal gardens? A coach? The woods?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Uuuummmm I love her waist. I like looking at it, stroking it, and caressing it

55. Have you ever had anal sex? Nope!

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose? Nothing. Or her little robe and nothing else

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

I like when she touches my leg or my hand

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Our bed of course it's the cosiest

59. When did you first had sex?

She had been with us about a month and I had loved her since the moment I saw her and I decided one night to just go for it and we had sex on the floor and told each other how much we loved the other

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The night of our wedding, or the first time I can't decide

61. What's your favourite position?

.... I like, when she faces away as I'm on my knees and she sits her butt on my crotch don't know what it's called but I like it.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never.

63. Do you watch porn?

I watch y/n

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

Y/n

65. How often do you masturbate? I used to every night but I never do now I have y/n

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try? I would like to try... Hummm uuuhhh I don't know I don't know any we haven't done maybe I need to learn more sex positions.

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

I like to receive, I like when she spoils me.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

A few times yes

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Sixteen times!

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex? We are both fairly quiet

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay? No. Seems like a bad idea

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone? Personality and how snuggly they are

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I don't think so no 74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

As far as you want me too princess xx

75. What's your favourite toy?

Rope

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

Not really, I make up my own

77. Have you joined the mile high club? Nope

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands? I know I can

79. Would you say you're kinky? Eh? Kinda

80. Do you enjoy shower sex? I like bath sex yes!

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated? Many cupboards and little places but the weirdest I think was a little corner of the gardens

82. Do you like to be spanked? I do

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex? No! Why would I? I have y/n.

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish? I finished for her and let her watch and she let me watch her too in return

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

I guess on y/n

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex? Fell asleep after yes! Lots of times when she tries me out

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact please!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

Lots and lots of kisses please 89. Do you get tired after sex?

I do of she's being mean to me 90. How many positions do you think you've tried? Most of them I think

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

A year, I was so busy and I was barely home so I waited, and when I got home she couldn't walk for the next week

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Touch me, or get in a bath or wet like seriously throw a bucket of water on yourself I'm weirdly hard! Maybe I just have a thing for water? Y/n in the bath that first maid girl washing clothes, ohh my god an I into water?

94. Sex with lights on or lights off? On else we can't see anything

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very much

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners? Long term

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom? I like bottom I like giving her that power over me

98.Rough or romantic? Romantic

99. Quickie or marathon session? Quickie

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

Awww that I adore you, your my little lady, I never even look or think k anyone else that's how lovely you are the fact it's never a no everything we discuss and we try somethings we hate others we love and I can't wait for all the other things we shall try once baby comes my beautiful wife.

[givemeonebreath]

A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. 

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again.   We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one 

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death   “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything 

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling.   But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through.   In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you. 

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this  But I just don't have the patience anymore 

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover   Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again 

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation  The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream  And you want to shout But you've built up steam  And you can't let it out This is pressure 

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years  Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides  To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides  To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so  So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water  Can't go on Can't go back   Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard  

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it  My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?"  Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #listening to music while I stare blankly at nothing is legit my number one hobby #and then shit like this happens #linked universe playlist

[infernal-fire]

I Can Save Everyone But Myself (2/3)

Warnings: fluff, angst, strong language, mentioned sexual themes, sort of CA: TWS and Far From Home spoilers.

Please do not interact with this blog if you are under the age of 18. Your media consumption is your responsibility.

Summary: Fighting the bad guys comes easy to James Buchanan Barnes. What will end him, is the fight against his will to be with you. 

Word Count: 2200

Here’s Part 1 in case you missed it. 

(This GIF does not belong to me)

The next day, Sam took Bucky to the barber and fixed up his hair. Sam was convinced Bucky was backtracking on his recovery which was going smoothly up till this point.

The car ride back to their place was quiet. Bucky looked out the window, subconsciously rubbing the nape of his neck, looking for the lost hair. 

“Why’d you do that man.”

Bucky looked straight ahead and lowered his eyes after a moment. “Don’t say I don’t know dude, I will punch you” Sam warned. 

“I didn’t grow out my hair willingly. I just never got to cut it when I was with HYDRA.” 

Sam drove without replying. They both knew he was lying. 

“You cut it because she said liked your hair.”

“Maybe.”

The car pulled over to the side of the road and a surprised Bucky turned to look at an exasperated Sam. “Why won’t you let yourself be happy? You know she likes you. What you’re doing is going to push her away.” Sam berated. He held the steering wheel and dropped his forehead onto it with a light thud. 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Bucky mumbled.

“I’m done tryna’ convince you to move on from things that you had no control over. Come on. Just ask her out or something and if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t. She’s not the type to make it weird if it doesn’t work out,” Sam pleaded. He couldn’t help but feel like everything he was saying was going through one ear and coming out the other. 

“I don’t deserve her love Sam. I’m so fucked up, I have so many of my problems that I don’t want to drag her into.” Bucky sighed. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince his friend or himself. 

“I’m not saying you should pick her up and take her to the altar. All I need you to do is acknowledge to her that there is something more than friendship between you guys. Please Buck, man, don’t let something good go to waste.”

That was the end of the conversation. Sam could tell that only parts of what he said made into his friend’s thick skull. Bucky was too stubborn for his own good.  

///

The next time you saw Bucky was during the mission briefing. You were surprised to see he cut his hair. Regardless, you complimented him.

“Sweet look, Buck.”

Bucky involuntarily beamed at you and you grinned back. You sat down, waiting for Fury to begin the debriefing. He tried not to make it obvious, but Sam noticed his friend lose brain cells over deciding where to sit. He nudged him in Y/N’s direction and took his own seat, waiting to see if he would listen to him and sit beside her. 

Bucky considered his options again before sitting far away from Y/N. Sam smacked his forehead and groaned. 

“Don’t start groaning just yet,” Fury chuckled as he entered the room. The debriefing began and Nick rambled on, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how Buck chose to sit away from you. 

“And we have an unofficial new addition to the Avengers. His name is Mysterio, and he is currently working with Peter Parker to stop the Elementals,” Maria Hill announced “The final Elemental is what we’ll need help fighting against.” 

The three of you looked at each before Sam spoke up. 

“What can a super soldier, a bird-man and an assassin do to stop an elemental monster?”

“Mysterio will be leading the mission. He has dealt with this before and has an idea of how you can help. You’re flying to London and you leave tonight.” Fury concluded and dismissed everyone. 

That night, everyone regrouped at the quinjet and put away their belongings in overhead cabins. You struggled to put up your luggage and Bucky watched. He wanted to come over and help, he really did; but it was best if he just stayed away. “Bucky?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“Can you..” you gestured at your suitcase. “Uh no, I’m… busy” he blurted before walking off to the front of the jet. 

“Ignore that idiot” Sam interrupted and helped you. “Did I do something Sam?” you asked. 

“It’s nothing Y/N, he’s just being weird. This is why I don’t take him out in public” he laughed and you awkwardly laughed along. Your anxiety grew as you thought back to anything you may have done that set Buck off. 

You couldn’t be happier to land, stretching as you got out. You gathered your belongings and made your way to the hotel. 

“Y/N! Wait!” Sam called after you. 

“Mission is in 2 days. You wanna’ check out the bars nearby?”

You thought about it before agreeing. It didn’t seem like such a good idea but you thought it'd be better to accompany Sam rather than sulk in your room. Bucky caught up to the two of you before Sam walked off with him, discussing what places they would visit tomorrow. You didn’t miss the way he completely ignored you.

When you greeted the boys again, the smile on your face wasn’t fooling anyone; both of them knew you were sad about Bucky’s sudden shift in behaviour. They reached the bar and you left to go to the bathroom. 

“You’re not protecting her. You’re flat out hurting her right now. Stop the charade and talk to her, please.” Sam chided. 

“After the mission, I’ll talk to her.” Bucky argued.

“Just… allow yourself to be a happy man. Only good people worry about being bad.” Sam said as he produced Asgardian liquor out of his pocket. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Bucky downed a shot, ignoring Sam’s glare.

When you joined them again, Bucky downed his second shot. You listened to Sam and Bucky engaging in conversation about the Elementals, when a guy came up to you and offered to buy you a drink. You heard Bucky go silent in mid-conversation. 

“Hey, could I buy you a drink? If you’re alone that is,” the guy referred to Sam and Bucky. 

“Oh, these are my friends, Sam and Bucky. You can buy me a drink,” you greeted, adding a warm smile for good measure.

Time passed and Bucky was getting tired of hearing him make you laugh. It seemed platonic enough but he couldn’t think straight with the liquid courage swirling around his head. He wasn’t paying attention to what Sam was saying and walked over to the nearest girl. 

At the end of the night, you said goodbye to the nice guy, declining the exchange of phone calls. You ignored Bucky, who kept burning holes into the back of your head. He was the one who repeatedly pushed you away today. It wasn’t to get back at him, but you didn’t mind getting him a little jealous if it’ll push him in the right direction. 

What you didn’t notice was Bucky getting up and flirting with a girl nearby. Sam watched as Bucky pulled out all of his tricks from the 40s. The air-headed girl giggled at everything he said, practically hanging off of him by the end of the night. They left before Sam asked Y/N to leave. The Falcon was a smart guy but the one thing he didn’t know how to do was lie; when you asked where Bucky was, he barely managed to tell you that he went back to the room, omitting the part about the girl. 

You reached the hotel and upon nearing your rooms, which was lined up beside each other, you heard the unmistakable sound of moaning and grunting. Bucky’s name was muffled, but screamed by whoever was inside the room. 

You stilled and looked at his hotel door before quietly slipping into your own room and breaking down. Sam didn’t call after you when he himself didn’t know what to say - there was no excusing Bucky’s behaviour. Whatever happened to talking to her after the mission, he thought as he willed himself to walk away from the sound of your crying. 

The next day, you ignored the girl that walked out of Bucky’s room and headed for the breakfast bar. Bucky and Sam showed up a few minutes later and no one said anything as they sat down with their food. Everyone ate in silence, unsure of what to say. Once you were done, you worked up the courage to say what you were wording in your head throughout the duration of the breakfast. 

“I thought you and I had something before you started acting all weird Buck.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You avoided me right after I complimented you at the debriefing, you refused to help in the quinjet and then you hook up with some random girl at the bar? I thought we were going somewhere with this.” You tried to avoid his gaze, a feeble attempt at ensuring you didn't cry but it was too late. Unwarranted tears trickled onto your plate and shirt. “And you cut your hair after I told you I like it. Don’t think I didn’t notice Buck.” you wiped your tears and waited for an answer.

“I didn’t cut my hair because of you. There’s no need to make this about you.” 

You looked at him in disbelief while Sam dropped his fork and stared his friend down. 

“I don’t know what made you think at this,” he pointed at himself and you, “was going anywhere. Because I didn’t even know this was a thing.” 

“Right.” you choked out. “Well since this isn’t going anywhere, I’m gonna’ head out with Maria. Have fun banging random chicks.” 

With that, you got up and left the room.

Neither of them said anything. 

They sat in silence for god-knows-how-long until Sam broke the silence. 

“All this time, you try to prove to everyone that you’re a good person and no one believed it. You were scared of being a bad person, well congratulations. You are a horrible person. You hurt the only person who never questioned whether you were good or not.” Sam got up and left too.

Bucky slouched into his chair and blinked. He was supposed to feel numb but felt like crying and crying until his body had no life left in it. He told himself that he did what needed to be done. 

The super soldier spent the day walking around London - a lot had changed since the war. He pulled out his camera to take a picture of the Big Ben. When he flicked back to take a look at the shot, he saw the picture of Y/N resting on his lap while his arm draped over her. He remembered that day and thought back to the intimate conversation you had with him about Tony. A stray teardrop reminded him of what he said this morning. 

“What am I doing?” he questioned himself and began running back to the hotel. 

He reached your door and breathlessly called out for you, knocking on your door. You opened the door to reveal your red eyes and a stuffy nose, surely a byproduct of relentless crying. He pulled you into his arms and you began crying again with your head nestled into his chest. He walked in while holding you and closed the door behind him. Picking you up bridal style, he walked over to your bed and laid you on it before climbing in and snuggling you. 

“Asshole, I’m still mad at you” you reminded him. He smiled lightly, kissed your forehead and pulled you closer. “I’ll make it up to you doll. I’m sorry” he promised. 

“Sam told me everything. You deserve a good life Buck. The Winter Soldier and you are two different people. Please,” you sobbed harder, “Stop hurting me. You deserve a good life too.” You tried to look up at him but he kept his chin on top of your head, refusing to meet your eyes in fear of crying. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart” he repeated before delicately shushing you to sleep. 

When you woke up, Bucky was nowhere to be found and it was 8 PM. You checked your phone to see that Sam had reserved a table for dinner.

You reached the restaurant and Bucky was waiting at the front. He gave you a soft smile before wordlessly walking you to the table. You weren’t sure where you two stood right now, but it was better than not speaking at all. You contemplated whether the incident at the hotel was a proper apology or not. 

“I’m glad no one was in the breakfast room for our little scuffle.” Sam teased as you both sat down. 

“I’m not gonna’ lie, I would shit my pants if the Falcon and White Wolf were arguing in a breakfast bar,” you remarked and settled further into your chair. The three of you were laughing before a sudden movement out of the corner of your eyes stopped you.

Someone splashed water onto Bucky’s face. “YOU MURDERER! YOU KILLED MY DAD YOU ASSHOLE,” the guy grabbed Bucky by his shirt collar. “FUCKING WINTER SOLDIER, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER HIM?” Sam pulled the guy off of Bucky and tried to calm him down but he wasn’t having any of it. He repeatedly spat insults at the ex-Winter Soldier before he was escorted out by the security. You tried to hold Bucky’s hand but he recoiled from your touch. He wiped wetness off his face and you couldn't tell if it was his tears or the water. He stalked off to the exit before sprinting out of the restaurant. 

You called after him with no avail. Sam and you shared a hopeless glance between each other and ran off to find Bucky.

a/n: oh bonky :’(

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#bucky #bucky barnes #winter soldier #falcon #tfaws #marvel #mcu #mcufic #fic #fic rec #bucky x you #bucky x reader #reader insert #fluff #angst

[jinkicake]

Heartbreaker

Dabi pays his favorite girl a visit. 

Dabi x Reader

Dabi fuckers... come here... You good? No you not, you not baby, and that’s okay. You don’t need to be good all the time. It’s okay not to be good. Honestly I don’t where this came from but.... Dabi makes me (^p^）

Part Two here!

WC- 1,242

~~~

“You broke my fucking heart.” You seethe, poking your finger harshly into the boy’s chest. Dabi only lets out a low chuckle in return as he watches your ticked off figure.

“Mmm, I know baby.” He responds and lets his eyes run up and down your figure. You’re currently decked out in your pajamas with a tired look on your face as you try to keep him out of your apartment. “Let me in for old times sake?” Dabi tries to soothe your anger, persuade you into letting him back in. 

“Are you on fucking crack? No!” You screech quietly and try to close the door in his face. His foot catches the door before you can fully close it and you don’t have the heart to slam the heavyweight on him. 

With a soft push on the door, it's open again and you can see Dabi leaning against the doorframe. His eyes fall to your bare legs once again and you glare at him heatedly, as if you’re trying to get him to stop. Dabi tilts his head in thought before clicking his tongue and dragging his eyes up to yours.

“Were you expecting someone else tonight (Y/N)?” The way his tongue curls around your name causes a shiver to run down your spine. 

Of course the one night you were too tired to do laundry and were left with the pajama shorts that barley cover your decency is the same night Dabi chooses to ambush you, that revelation fills you with irritation. 

“Fuck off dick.” You seethe and Dabi narrows his eyes down at you, his exposed chest showing off more skin than usual at the dip of his v-neck and you try not to stare at it for too long.

“You love this dick.” He drops one of his hands to rest on the top of his thighs and you mentally curse yourself for looking down at it. Dabi smirks when he realizes he caught you so easily. 

Your phone begins to ring on the counter and the boy in your door only raises a brow, nudging his head in the direction of the phone. The world seems to only fuel Dabi’s previous suspicions but you refuse to give in to him. 

“Go answer it sweet thing, I won’t hurt him.” His taunting words are ringing in your head and you don’t even notice him now inside your apartment, resting against the now-closed door. “Mmm if you won’t, I will.” 

He starts to move towards your kitchen with long strides but you grab the phone before he can, his warm hand engulfing your own. You look up at him to shoot him another glare before answering the phone, not even looking at the caller I.D. 

“(Y/N)! Did you see that the project date was changed to noon today?! What the hell are we going to do, we haven’t even started it-“ The frantic voice nearly blows out your eardrum and you flinch at the volume of your math partner. “Can you come over to mine or should I come over to yours?” 

The question makes your heart lurch in your chest as you dart your eyes over to Dabi. He’s watching you carefully, no doubt hearing everyone word the other person is saying, a dangerous glint resting in his eyes.

“K-kai, it’s fine why don’t we just wait a few hours to finish it?” You try to reason, glancing over at the clock where the hand is resting at a little past two.

“(Y/N) this is the best time to be productive! Besides you know I can’t wake up for shit, the last time I stayed over I woke at like what? 2 pm?!” Kai reminds you and you slowly look over at Dabi, his fists are clenched as he rests his forearms on the counter. 


“Last time he was over, huh?” He mummers lowly and you turn your body away from him, choosing to ignore him as you try to figure something out. Dabi being there had fucked with your mind to the point that you don’t even care about the project due that is worth 40% of your grade.

“Fuck why did we wait till the last minute. That bitch said ‘its not something you can do overnight’ and we only laughed at her ass.” Kai continues to freak out and you grab your keys out of the dish resting on your counter. You place the phone wedged between your ear and shoulder before darting to your bedroom to grab your bag and laptop while pulling on a pair of sweatpants. 

“I’ll just meet you at your apartment soon, I’m sure this will only take us like a couple of hours.” You continue to move around like there isn’t an overly possessive, controlling boy who hates being ignored more than anything a few feet away from you.

“(Y/N) you’re the best, I’ll see you soon. I’m stocked up on coffee so we will be fine!” Kai hangs up promptly and you stare down at your blank phone, shoving it in your pocket before making your way over to the light switches.

“Don’t you dare (Y/N),” Dabi warns, his eyes cold and he takes a few steps towards you. “I’ll find you and burn him to a crisp right in front of you, you know I always find you.” You continue to stare at him emotionlessly before resting your fingers on the light switch. “Don’t be like this pretty girl.”

“I’ll let you come over another time, I have to go.” You try to persuade and Dabi lets out a dramatic gasp.

“You’re going to ‘le’t me?” He stalks up to you, towering over you. “Don’t flatter yourself.” A rough hand cups your cheek and pulls your face up to look directly into his eyes. “You haven’t said my name once since I got here, what’s up with that?” 

The thumb stroking your cheek was gentle yet the words were anything but that. 

“Give me something to get off on and I’ll let you go.” Those words irked you more than anything else could, he’s only here because he wants to sleep with you. 

Not because he feels guilty for breaking your heart more times than he can count, not because he feels bad with how devastated you are every time he leaves you, but because he wants to fuck you.

‘“Dabi.” You whisper and his eyes peer at you in wonder. “T-Touya.” It’s a whimper and yet that causes a soft groan to leave the other boy’s lips.  

“Mmm just like that babydoll, say your lover’s name.” He purrs and you can feel tears of frustration welling up in your eyes. “You can go.” His lips brush against your own and as soon as the lights flicker on and off you’re gone from his sight. 

An amazing teleportation quirk you have, as long as the opponent can’t see you, you can disappear as far as your heart desires. 

Dabi stares down at where you were rooted before noticing the slight bulge in his pants. And as if he owns the place, the dark-haired boy makes his way to your bedroom. He pulls open a draw he knows all too well and digs around to find his favorite panties, the skimpy lace causing his mouth to salivate. 

“I guess I’ll just have to leave my favorite girl a surprise.” He mutters darkly, the flimsy material already fisted in his hand as he falls back onto your bed, his pants already down to his ankles.

#dabi x reader #mha fanfiction #mha #dabi x you #dabi x y/n #dabi is a todoroki #bnha dabi #idk what this is #touya x reader #touya todoroki x reader

[moonlite-stars116]

Pink Camellia, Red Rose, Yellow & Purple Hyacinth, Heliotrope, and Daffodil’s...

Pt.1

--------

Pink Camellia, Red Roses, Yellow and Purple Hyacinth, Heliotrope, and Doffodil’s, I cough these up.

⚠️warnings: Death(Pt.2), Unrequited love(possibly), Crying, Blood, Gay, Hanahaki, and Cussing. ⚠️

Do people still post things on here? IDK....But read the warnings and all of the flowers in this have Victorian meanings. This is between the second and third movie, then the third Movie, which I need to watch again so, consistency issues are to be expected. Also, in any other language that isn’t English, I’ll either use Google translate, If not I’ll use my Know-how of the languages but no one in here is German so- Google translate!

Hope you Enjoy reading this! 🙂

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When Jedediah first felt the itching in the back of his throat was soon after the Smithsonian, and the museum was now being open during the night. He and the Leader of Rome were Usually joking around sometimes, or talk to tour groups.

Octavius was the leader, he was the same height as Jedediah but that was the only common thing they have together. While Jedediah was Blond, he was Black-haired, While Jed had blue eyes, he had brown, while Jed preferred Leather vests, red handkerchiefs, blue cotton shirts, jeans, boots, and his usual Stenson, Octavius preferred Armor, A gladiator-like helmet, a tunic, and sandals. So, when he started to hack his lungs up away from prying eyes and given a petal from a red rose he was confused.

This had never happened to him before, even with his memories combined with the real Jedediah Smith. The only thing that he could think of was that he started feeling something for the Roman. He dropped it to the ground and kicked dirt over it. Walking away he couldn't help but taste blood faintly, probably something that wouldn’t affect him. Much.

He was completely wrong...

Every month the petals would get worst of change up colors, it turned into pink petals when he was with the roman, red when he was alone when he felt jealous when the Roman talked about someone in the company having hypnotic blue eyes, he coughed up yellow petals, then purple when he calmed down and a wash of sadness would come over him. He didn't know why. He wanted to know why.

He was with Octavius walking through some of the other exhibits when he felt a larger itch. As if something was coming up, and it wasn't a petal. He doubled over hacking and coughing. He faintly felt someone hitting his back, finally, a bloodied rosebud came up out of his throat, it felt like it was torn out of his lung... He could feel the tears dripping down his cheeks as the Roman held him up. The coughing took a lot of his energy out of him, More then what the petals did. “I’m taking you to see a doctor!” Octavious exclaimed before dragging Jed to where the dioramas are. Jed really hadn't the energy to fight the roman sadly and he wanted to head home and sleep.

The Roman had dragged him to the western diorama and now the doctor was looking over the rose. “And how long had this been happenin’” Jed thought for a moment, “A few months, it started with petals...” He said looking around. He ignored Octavious’ worried look. The doctor hummed. “I think you two should talk with Ahkmenra, He would know all of this magic and whatnot that came with the tablet.” the Doctor handed Jed the Rose. The two left and saw the start of the sunrise coming up. They quickly got into their positions and Jedidiah felt something scratch the back of his throat as the rays of sunlight shone in the room.

The moment Jed could feel his joints de-stiffen he was dragged to Ahkmenra’s exhibit by Octavius. He explained what was wrong to Ahk who just looked at him. “I believe it was called Hannahaki, they mentioned it once ore twice at Cambridge University.” “It makes ya hack your lungs up for flowers?!” Jed said angrily. “It’s cause by Unrequited love or believing that the person doesn’t love you back my friend.”

Well fuck-

The two left the Egyptian exhibit with no other problems. Jeremiah is feeling sicker than before. Before feeling his lung jerk and him doubling over coughing harshly. Blood spurting from his mouth. Octavius rushed over to his friend’s aid and rubbed his back as a daffodil fell to the ground with blood on it and around it.

The two made it back Jed having hidden the flower in his vest pocket. “Who do you love friend?” Octavius asked once they were alone. Jedediah was caught off by the question. H looked up, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Jed said looking away. Thinking of what Ahkmenra said.

“It’s cause by Unrequited love or believing that the person doesn’t love you back my friend.”

Octavius gave him a worried look. “Are they in the museum?” Octavius asked. Jed looked at him skeptical. “Are we playin’ that 20 question game Gigantor explained to us?” “If it’s to keep you from dying my friend then we shall! Now are the person of interest in the museum?” Jed sighed, but nodded. If he just beats around the bush then he could avoid being rejected, and having the disease get worst, and not having someone to help him through it.

The questions were simple. We're they human? We're they a well-known exhibit? Till they got to a few bumps.

“Are they male or female?” the two now we're in some other excluded part of the Museum. A place no one visits. Jed thought for a moment. “What do you think?” He asked slightly smiling a Jed. He felt a couple petals in is mouth coming up. He looked away and coughed watching as a few purple petals dropped on the ground. Octavius gave him a sad look. “Female?” he asked. When he didn’t get a response he tilted his head at Jed curiously. “Male?” Jed looked away but nodded. “So, your Homosexual?” Octavius asked. Jedediah looked at him curiously. “Is that a bad thing?” Octavius shook his head. “It is not my friend, some of the people in Rome are,” Octavius said. “But I thought-” “I like ‘em both, just the person causin’ this is male,” Jedediah said.

The two returned to there Exhibits before the sub rose and made them wax again. “I promise to find the person for you Caseus mollis mea!” Jedediah chuckled. “Ok partner, see you tonight.” He said as he walked to the Diorama.

After that the game between the two turned from 20 questions to 40 questions.

“Is he a military leader?”

Jedediah nearly wrecked when the roman asked that while the two were driving around. “Yes?” he said. The Roman was silent after that more than likely thinking of another question. “Is it Atilla?” Octavius asked, Jedediah thankfully was expecting that question, but it still was unexpected. “No, ” he coughed and a few flower petals dropped from his mouth. They were pink. The roman nodded and looked out the window. He couldn’t think of any other question for the rest of the night. The westerner was happy about this. Then a thought came to his mind.

“Since we’re talking about my love life what about you?” Jedediah asked. The Roman gave him a shocked look before sighing. “I don’t have one, well, not in the museum. Before now, I had 3 wives and two children of my own. They're not here now sadly, But a of now I have no spouse.” Jedediah hummed and nodded. He swallowed feeling petals in the back of his throat. “Suddenly he nearly wrecked feeling his hands stiffen all of a sudden. Octavius had enough for sight to reach over and grab the wheel as Jed tried to regain control on his hands. “My friend what was that about?!” the two stopped. “M-My hands froze up on me.” “Is it from your disease?” He looked at Octavious.

“I-I don’t know.”

------------

Sorry, that's it for now. I’ll have the next part up tomorrow. I wasn’t expecting it to be so long so for now, Pt 1. Hopefully part 2 in a few days. Also,

I’m planning on making a Blog for night at the museum.

It will have Incorect quotes, Hc, Oneshots, and other things like that.

Also, On Aug.18th, I will be going back to school, sophomore year. And I'll be trying to get my permit so...

Busy busy busy. (imagine that in Professor Hinkle's voice from the original Frosty the Snowman movie from 1969.)

Hoped you enjoyed

Thanks for Reading,

Stay bright,

-Moony.

(Part 2.)

#jedediah/octavius #unrequited romance #angst #gay #death #hanahaki #flowers #crying #blood #Jeremiah x Octavius

[jawritter]

Happy Birthday, Dean...

**Warnings** Some language maybe? Angst. That’s pretty much it. This one is pretty light.

A/N: Just a little drabble that I threw together for Dean’s Birthday! Hope you enjoy it! All mistakes are mine! Please don’t copy my stuff!!

Word Count: 1504

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Read, kinda, mentions of Sam x Reader

If anyone wants to be added to my tag list let me know!!!

To say you and Dean didn't like each other was an understatement.

You'd been with the Winchesters for five years now. Ever since your uncle Bobby had passed away, and you didn't have anywhere to go. They had taken you in, and from that moment on you and Dean had become worst enemies. You where certain that if it were not for Sam, Dean would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago. You weren't a hunter, well not exactly, you preferred research. You'd been raised in the life, and for that reason, coupled with the fact that you where Bobby Singer's niece, every evil thing and it's mother.. creature... whatever... knew your name. So you, like the Winchesters and every other hunter/hunter family, had one giant target painted on your back. 

Lucky you.

You weren't a fighter. 

Not that you couldn't, you just didn't care to. The pain involved wasn't exactly your forte, and you didn't go out looking for a fight even though you did know how to defend yourself. You made yourself useful to the boys and other hunters by becoming a female version of Bobby. 

Well, without the overuse of alcohol, and the horrible taste in classic country music, not to mention a lot cleaner to say the least.

You answered phones for hunters. You did the research for more than just the Winchesters. Dean didn't really like that either, though you didn't know why. Even though you had contact via email, phone, text, and sometimes video chat you never talked to any of them in person, so you couldn't see or understand the danger. Every hunter out there knew you lived and worked with the Winchesters. So nothing in its right mind, living, dead, or the undead, dared to lay a finger on you.

You traveled with them all over the place. Staying in abandoned houses, shitty hotel rooms, and whatever else you could find. Sometimes it was just the back of the Impala. That was until they found out about being legacies, and The Bunker. Things did seem to improve after that. You all had a little more space. Definitely more personal space. That helped in and of its self. Dean though, for some reason, still seemed to hate you no matter where you were staying. You couldn't remember ever doing anything to the handsome hunter. You weren't stupid, or suicidal. You never challenged him in any way. You just didn’t get it.

After you moved into The Bunker you did classes online, and even snuck around and took some clinical work it took to get your RN. Until Dean caught you anyway and flipped his lid, screaming at you that something or someone could have found you working at that hospital late at night while you did your Clinicals, and killed you. You thought you would be helping becoming an RN, something you always wanted to do, but he insisted you where needed behind a book or a computer screen. That they had Cass to handle the healing, and they didn't need you, or your input concerning the matter of their physical health.

That was the last time you spoke directly to the elder Winchester. That night you cried yourself to sleep, and when you got up, you swore you'd never let him, or any other man, do that to you again. So you buried yourself in research and work, only speaking to Dean when it was required.

Sam, on the other hand, he was your best friend. Always had been since the moment you meet him. He seemed to get you, the two of you just click. Like two little nerds, happy to do whatever it was that you were doing together. You never got into a fight. You watched movies together. You did everything together.

When he met Eileen the two of you clicked right away as well. You knew Dean couldn't figure that out because he was always swearing that you and Sam were sleeping together even though you didn't see each other that way.

Tonight was not much different from any other night, the boys were out on another case, hunting a Wendigo from what you could guess, that’s what it looked like in the evidence pile that Sam had emailed you. They were close to wrapping it up last time Sam had texted you, but you didn't expect them back till sometime early that next morning. So that meant another night alone in The Bunker. Which honestly you were used to by now, and it sort of was the safest place in the word when you took all the warding and things like that into consideration.

You wondered your way back to your room down the hallway, a cup of coffee in hand, and the intent to watch Netflix until you finally got tired enough to fall asleep.

Settling down with your laptop you typing in your password. Your time and date popped up on your screen saver. Jan. 23, 2020. 11:34 p.m.

The date stopped you for a moment. It was Dean's birthday in less than 30 minutes time. He'd made it to 41 years old... That was something in the life you lived. Most men didn't live until they were 35, much less over 40. Bobby and Rufus were almost the only exception to the rule you'd ever meet in person. Here he was though, if he survived the next 30 minutes he would officially be 41 years old...

Sitting there in the darkness, the only light that was going was the laptop, and the dim old bedside lamp, you caught yourself thinking. That was something you didn't like to do.

Think.

It caused way too many emotions and things that you didn't want to feel. Like the fine line between love and hate you knowingly walked with Dean. Yes, you were technically enemies, and yes, you couldn't stand each other most of the time, but sitting here in the dark, thinking the words that just rolled across your mind, "If he survived the next 30 minutes,” made your heart feel like it weighed 200lbs in your chest.

The thought of Sam having to call you, and tell you that Dean was gone was almost unbearable. A single tear rolled down your face before you could even bother to wipe it away. Shit... Maybe you didn't hate Dean after all...

Was it really possible that you actually loved Dean... That you were terrified of his rejection, so you chose rather too act as his enemy because it was easier?

It crossed your mind that this hunting life was finally starting to get to you, but you shoved that aside for later. Right now the most important thing you had to face was the fact that like it or not, you were in love with Dean; and it took you imagining his death to really see it. You had it shoved so far down you believed your own lie.

Picking up the phone before you could stop yourself, you dialed Dean's phone number. It was now midnight. If he made it through this hunt, and Chuck wasn't being a total Jackass, then he'd made it to 41, but you realized something.

Being a hunter meant that there was a strong possibility that you didn't have the next five minutes, and you had worked yourself up so much that you had to hear his voice just once to settle your pounding heart and know that he was okay.

It rang and rang. The more the phone rang, the more afraid you got that you were right. That your fear was right. He hadn't survived the hunt.

Then just when you were about to give up hope and have a whole nervous breakdown, you heard the voice that made your heart standstill in your chest for at least three beats.

"Hello...."

He sounded uncertain, which you guess was normal, you had never called him before... Ever...

Normally you just made contact through Sam. You preferred to act like Dean didn't exist to you, so you ignored him.

"Y/N? Hello? Is everything okay?"  

His voice more desperate now, which made you feel even worse for the way you'd been treating him. He was worried because you never called him, now he thinks something is wrong.

"H...Hey Dean," you stuttered, knowing if you didn't say something if he survived the speeding trip here he'd kill you when he saw you where unharmed.

"Is everything okay Y/N?" he asked, a little calmer now that you answered him.

"Yeah, uh, I just uh, I just was worried about you guys. I haven't heard anything since Sam's text." 

Here you were lying to him again, mentally slapping yourself. Why did you keep doing this?

"Oh... Uh... Everything went fine, we're about an hour from home now. Y/N, you do know this my phone not Sam's, right?" he asked. 

You couldn't understand his tone, it was, strange, soft, hopeful?

"Oh... I'm sorry Dean... Guess I got the wrong Winchester," you mumble, trying to keep your voice even. 

You hang up the phone before he could question your odd behavior anymore. Looking at the disconnected call you whisper what you called him for in the first place. What you didn't have the guts to say.

"Happy Birthday, Dean...."

_________________________________________

Pt. 2 here!!!

30 Minutes til Midnight

#Happy Birthday Dean Winchester #Dean Winchester fanfic #dean winchester birthday fanfiction #dean winchester drabble #drabble #fanfiction drabble #spn drabble #spn fanficiton #spn 15 #spn #Supernatural #sam winchester #dean x reader #Dean winchester x reader #dean winchester smut #deans girls #jensen's girls #jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles drabble

[skgway]

1823 July, Fri. 18

7 55/60

12 50/60

1/2 hour in the stable (look after the horses, giving Hotspur oat-cake) and just walked a little down the lane to see that the hay-makers were at work – At breakfast at 9 1/2 from 10 to 11 10/60, sauntered with my aunt into the Allan-car to see the hay-makers there – And weeded the quick-wood hedge planted there in the winter – Making dye and blacking for the gig after M– [Mariana]’s receipt –

At 11 40/60 took George in the gig, and drove the black mare outside Skircoat moor – In returning called at Mr. Wiglesworth’s and brought back Baines’s Yorkshire Directory etc. 2 volumes which Mr. W– [Wigglesworth] yesterday promised to lend us –

Got home at 1 10/60 – Went into the hayfield (the Pearson Ing) with my aunt and did not come in till 1 3/4 – Curled my hair, had it pinched ready for evening – Note from Miss Pickford, a line or 2 to say her nephew Sir Joseph Radcliffe was come to Savile hill, and she could not walk with me this afternoon – We were to have met at Whitley’s at 4 1/4 – Sent the servant back with my compliments no answer required –

Mean to write her a little note relative to her question when she last drank tea here about the funeral rites of the Scythians – Looking over Larcher’s notes on the subject; turned according to his reference, to libro iv. capitulo 1. Ælian – Hustled over Plutarch’s lives at the name Theodosus; but of course could not find what I wanted, not having Plutarch’s libro αὐταρϰῪϛ Ὑ ϰακία etc. An vitiositas ad infelicitatiene sufficiat vide Ælian as above, and Larcher volume iii. page 491 –

Wrote the last 9 lines of today, dressed and went down to dinner at 4 55/60. At 5 3/4 down the old bank to Well-head, got there at 6 by the church – Only the family – Mr. and Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] and their 3 oldest daughters – Speaking of parliamentary elections said there was no subject on which I felt more warmly – Wished for another contested election, and that we might be able to bring in 2 ministerial members –

Mr. Wortley we all observed was likely to have a seat with the pews – When should we get in his place – Lord Harewood had not a son fit for it – We did not know whom to mention – But so far from 2 blue members Mr. W– [Wortley] feared we should not have one – I maintained Mr. Lascelles had lost his contested election thro’ want of better management and the rascality of his York attorney, not Woolley, who kept letters (respecting votes) in his pocket unopened till it was too late for them to be of use –

But the other party always outwitted us – We were always too late, or too supine – Coupled Mr. W– [Wortley] on his good judgement in not voting at all at the election of a law – Against to the navigation company – He said it was neither forgotten nor forgiven by some of the party (of course) Mr. and Mrs. James Stansfield) who said Mr. W– [Wortley] acted thus on account of religion – and “the election was lost for righteousness sake” – (Mr. James S– [Stansfield] is a unitarian) – This led me to remark that Mr. W– [Wortley]’s vote could not have gained the election: as it was 2 gents voted who had no votes; and, to say nothing of this, my uncle as chairman would have had the casting vote, and thus must have given the election to Mr. James Norris –

I then observed pretty severely upon the means the Messieurs Rawson and Briggs had taken in favour of Mr. James S– [Stansfield] their instigating Mrs. Christopher Saltmarshe’s note to me (of Tuesday 27 May 1823) begging me to use my influence with my uncle “that in case” (to use Mrs. S– [Saltmarshe]’s own written words) “Mr. L– [Lascelle] had promised has vote to Mr. N– [Norris] and at the same time, did not feel interest in his obtaining the appointment: but had given his vote, as many do – to the first applicant and not from wishing him to succeed. And if it would not be taking too great a liberty to ask such a favour – that he would have the goodness not to present himself, at all, at the election but preserve a neutrality”  –

I observed that a note to ask me to ask my uncle to break his word if given, was an insult; that, if almost any one else had ventured to do such a thing to me, I should never have spoken to them again, but then I excused Emma; it must be her ignorance – Her yielding to her brother Mr. Stansfield Rawson; I knew, I felt assured, she did not mean an insult; she had even so excused herself and so apologized in her note that I would not take any serious notice of it, but, being out when the note arrived, I had never written any answer to it but merely called, and turned it off in joke – Adding that they little thought how much I was the last person in the world to whom such a note could be addressed with impunity, and that, so far from influencing my uncle as they wished, I had done just the contrary; –

For, in fact, my uncle’s vote was not promised – He was at liberty to stay at home if he chose he had made no promises, he had merely said to Mr. N– [Norris]’s oldest brother when he called, that he “thought he should not be his enemy” – But I told my uncle the easiest way would be to say at once, he had promised his vote – And if it was possible that he should be determined to go to vote for Mr. N– [Norris]. Thus, said I, they absolutely defeated their own ends –

Said I had merely laughed to Emma, saying her note was far too late – She ought to have written a week before – I mentioned too, to the W– [Waterhouse]s having drank tea at Lightcliffe some time before this, and that what Mr. P– [Priestley] said had put me a little on my guard, for he, Mr. P– [Priestley], was anxious not to have Mr. N– [Norris] elected, but tho’ I did not then agree with him (knew nothing of Mr. N– [Norris]’s alleged setting himself up – Being too meddling – Too blabbing – Likely to injure the navigation – Concerns by too much influence, his older brother being clerk to the company) yet I had merely laughed and said Bless me, we must think of all this –

We have all been gulled into thinking Mr. N– [Norris] a very proper person and said if we had a hundred votes we should give him them all – But I would tell my uncle what he (Mr. P– [Priestley]) said, and we must think of it – Determined then to advise my uncle to give Mr. N– [Norris] his vote, tho’ it was quite unnecessary to tell the P– [Priestley]s this –

It appeared that Mr. and Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] had gone to the Saltmarshes about 1/4 hour after Mrs. Saltmarshe had sent the note – They condemned it at the time, so did Mrs. Rawson of Stony-Royde; and Mr. Saltmarshe declared, if he had been at home, Emma should not have sent it – But said I, the matter did not rest here; for afterwards there came a note (I believed in Mr. Stansfield R– [Rawson]’s hand-writing) written in the names of the bank-firm to my uncle himself, making the same request Emma had done; and still, not satisfied with this, Mr. Briggs, bringing with him Mr. William Priestley (of Lightcliffe) had after this called on my uncle; and Mr. B– [Briggs] had the effrontery or ignorance to make the same proposal to my uncle of staying at home – Of breaking his word if given –

I believed my uncle was a little agitated (he looked so when he returned to us in the breakfast room) that any man should make him such a proposal – But he calculated on the ignorance of the person – Knew he could not mean to insult him – Kept his temper, and calmly said –  “He could not do it – He must be consistent with himself” – Mr. W[illiam] P[riestley] knew too well what he was about to say a word of such a thing – He said nothing but simply that he thought if his uncle had been alive (the late John Walker Esquire of Crownest) he would have given his vote to Mr. Stansfield –

Both Mr. & Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] quite agreed in the justice of my remarks – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] quite surprised that Mr. Stansfield R– [Rawson] – Should have written such a note – He never knew of this near of Mr. Briggs’s calling – He knew they had done this to a Mr. Crossley (at or near Rochdale) whom they had persuaded to stay away, after he promised to give Mr. N– [Norris] his vote; – He knew they had tried to persuade Mr. Thomas Dyson of Willow-edge to do the same; but he had never thought they would make such an attempt with my uncle – Broadly insinuated, he did not think they durst – It was an insult to a gentleman –

The subject turned for a minute or 2 to Mrs. Empson – Mrs. Waterhouse had heard something I had said of her (Mrs. W– [Waterhouse]) and she had “long meant to give me a wipe” – I saw Mr. W– [Waterhouse] was a check upon her – He did not wish her to name it – At last I succeeded in learning that I “was very cool”, but I had said “I never saw Mrs. Empson so like Mrs. Waterhouse” that is as she (Mrs. E– [Empson]) was when she was telling her mind – I replied I had no recollection of making such a speech: it was very unlike me to do so: nor did I believe I had made it – But I perhaps I might  

Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] must be aware the similitude might be good in 2 points – I had seen Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] out of temper and she had once behaved to me in a very unintelligible way: but I had forgotten or rather overlooked it, and it was very unlike me to revert to it in such a many –

If I had said it at all, it must have been merely to my uncle and aunt at home; but certainly if I really had said it elsewhere it was in confidence to Mrs. Rawson of Stony Royde or more probably to Mrs. Saltmarshe (which however I did not could not believe to be the case unless one of them should assert it); and I should know better how to say things in confidence in future –

However; I begged Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] to understand that said or unsaid I was very happy to make her any and every apology in my power, laughing and adding I knew her to be really good at heart – I would not quarrel with her – She was now a privileged person, and might say what she liked – As for Mrs. E– [Empson] “Love rashly formed too often ends in hate”, and I dared say she how hated me as much as she had ever done the contrary –  “No! No! You are mistaken she does not do that” – “Then”, said I, “I have done her unjustice but it is too late now to say anything about it – It is a dead cut between us – I may speak to her at other places or how I did so in York – But here perhaps I may take no notice of her at all” –

Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] and I parted very good friends and I came away at 8 55/60 – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] set off to walk a part of the way home with me, came all the way, I persuaded him to come in to see my uncle and aunt, and he sat with us till 10 55/60 – As we walked along, I asked if he did not think this business of the Greenups a rascally thing: of course, he did not like to say yes, at once but certainly did not contradict it, quite the contrary –

He said no attorney in the town would have done for them for Mr. James Norris has unless it was a young man, and had a character to lose – But he had gone thro’ a great deal – He had been kicked out of the room, and buffeted about, and abused – Ashewed, very worthy man (a creditor of the G– [Greenups]) had said to Mr. W– [Waterhouse] that they ought to be very much obliged to Mr. N– [Norris] they ought to make him a very handsome present, but perhaps he had done himself more harm than any good the G– [Greenups] could do him – 

I said, had my uncle known all this before the election, he would have staid at home – For he had too much the feeling of a gentleman and the principle of an honest man to countenance, or appear to countenance such conduct in any one – I thought the G– [Greenups] would make £20,000 by this business – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] thought they would make half thin debt – That if they owe as was said fifty-thousand pounds according to Mr. W– [Waterhouse] they will clear £25,000 – I thought such things ought not not to be overlooked – such people ought not to be noticed – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] agreed; but, said he, “these things get over, and in a few years are forgotten” –

Sat up talking to my uncle and aunt till 11 50/60. Spiriting up my uncle about the pride of the family about Shibden etc.  Having Pontey or Mickle improving the place which I always take every opportunity of urging and I think I shall succeed at last –

After coming upstairs began thinking of a contested election and a plan for bringing two blue members. Thought of writing anonymous from Bradford (but to be dire[c]ted to me here) to ask the chancellor of the exchequer whom we should choose if Wortley is made a peer. Began building castles about the result of my success, the notoriety it would gain me, an introduction at court perhaps, a barony etc. etc.

A glass of hot red wine neguss taken with Mr W[aterhouse] (I never take any) heated me. I thought of myself how slight the partition between sanity and not. The blood seemed in my head. I was not likely to sleep. I tried to compose myself by thinking [of] that almighty being who had created me. I had already said my prayers fervently and on getting into bed began repeating the lord’s prayer aloud again and again for ten minutes till the tears trickled down my face and at a little after it struck one fell asleep –

No rain today except a slight shower about 2 o’clock which could not do much harm to the hay – Yet a dull day – No sun – No drought – Yet got in nine loads – Very soft, and damp, too much so I fear –

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #shibden hall 1823