#it has been voiced and addressed that we do stuff together pre plan if we have to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amillionsmiles · 3 years

Text

in your bedroom after the war (Dick/Artemis)

Title: in your bedroom after the war Summary: As far as coping mechanisms go, Artemis could be doing worse. At least her method has a gymnast’s ass. / Post-Invasion, pre-Outsiders. Rated M. A/N: I have one (1) agenda and that is messy grieving fuck buddies who are each other’s ride-or-dies. if you are not into fic that sits squarely in sad feral horny territory, then this is probably not your speed.

[Read and review here] or continue under the cut.

| GOTHAM

| JANUARY 14, 2017; 12:05 AM EST

Artemis is a bit heavier than she was in her teenage years, but her feet land lightly on the fire escape by the window. An hour ago, she’d called her mom from Metropolis, promising she’d be home by midnight. Ever since her daughter faked her death a year ago, Paula Nguyen has become even more of a worrywart, and Artemis knows that the five minutes she’s running late are going to cause her to receive an earful.

“Didn’t think I’d see you back in this neck of the woods.” A familiar figure drops from the roof above onto the rung below her.

“Nightwing.”

She’s not surprised that he’s been keeping tabs. Officially, he’s been on a leave of absence for the past six months, but Dick, like her, is vigilant in his grief.

She’d come back to Gotham because it put her closer to Metropolis and Beta Squad’s continued investigation of LexCorp, but the truth is that she could have Zeta-tubed from Palo Alto easily. Their—her—apartment had been no good though, not without Wally. So she’d left most of her things in storage to figure out later and moved back in with her mom. On days when Artemis can’t muster the energy to get out of bed, Paula wheels determinedly around the kitchen, ready to whip up some mì xào or a warm bowl of mì gói. They play card games and laugh about how bad Wally was at tiến lên the first time Paula tried to teach him. Your boy has no patience, he always wants to play his strongest cards right away, her mom had teased, and Wally had protested, I make it a rule to always put my best foot forward! and Artemis had loved him even more then.

Loved. Loves. She hates the past tense.

“I mean, were you ever going to ask me to grab coffee?”

She can see the bits of Wally in his cracks. In a room together, it was always easy to tell they were best friends from the way they riffed off each other. The acrobat and the speedster: all verbal gymnastics and fast-moving quips. But unlike Wally, who liked poking fun because he liked getting attention, Dick is at his wittiest when trying to avoid talking about himself.

Artemis reaches out and pulls him to sit down beside her. She makes a show of looking at her watch.

“How’s… 12:15 AM this Saturday?”

Dick pretends to check it against his mental schedule. If his is anything like hers, it probably goes: Wake up. Exercise (beating up bad guys counts). Mourn.

“Yeah, seems like I can swing it.”

“Perfect,” says Artemis, sliding up the glass panes to let them into her childhood bedroom. “I’ve got just the stuff.”

In the kitchen, Brucely stirs briefly from his dog bed to sniff the air and yip, then curls back asleep. Paula hands Dick a mug, waiting for him to take a sip before saying, “So you were the one who had the brilliant plan to have my daughter fake her death.”

Dick splutters; from the table, Artemis rises to his defense. “Mom,” she says. “Leave him be.”

Setting his cup down, Dick leans against the cabinets, bending his head slightly and rubbing the back of his neck. He does a good job of appearing chastised, and Artemis wants to roll her eyes, if only because she’s heard from Bette and Raquel that this pose is far too effective at convincing women to want to forgive him or try again.

“I’m not leading much of anything these days, if that’s at all a comfort to you.”

“Hmph.” Paula sniffs. “You live alone?”

“Yeah.” Dick shoots Artemis a questioning look over her mom’s head. Artemis shrugs.

“What do you do to fill the time?”

“A lot of reading. Gotham’s library system actually has a pretty good selection, believe it or not. I’ve also gotten really into meditating.”

“And you don’t sleep.”

Dick stiffens. For the first time, he looks exposed, a boy with too much guilt and too much time on his hands.

“I do. Tonight I was just… restless.”

Paula nods and backs up her wheelchair so she can sit by Artemis, curling her fingers over Artemis’s hand and squeezing. She raises her drink, Artemis and Dick following suit, the three of them toasting to invisible losses.

“Aren’t we all.”

Later, back on the fire escape, Dick taps his fingers against the railing, jittery. “I feel like I need to start doing jumping jacks. What was in that stuff?”

Artemis bites back a smile. “Yeah, Vietnamese coffee packs a hit. That’s my bad. Probably should have given you something non-caffeinated at this hour.”

“It’s fine. I’ll jog it out, or something.” He turns to go, but Artemis stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, listen—it was good seeing you tonight. And if you need someone to talk to…” What she really means is: it’d be nice to be around someone who’s hurting as much as I am. Not to say that the rest of the team wasn’t as torn up over Wally’s death, but she and Dick had been ground zero. Closest to the blast.

After a pause, Dick nods. “Yeah… I could use a sparring partner, actually. I’ll send you an address.”

“Okay.” Satisfied, Artemis withdraws her hand, curling her fingers into her palm.

It feels like a start.

Dick’s directions lead Artemis to Wayne Manor; from there he takes her to the Bat Cave.

“I thought you were striking out on your own,” Artemis says, using her forearms to deflect a kick to her face. Dick grunts and recovers, throwing a punch to her stomach; she dances out of the way.

“I am. I just pop in here from time to time because Bruce has better equipment. Plus there’s less of a chance of me disturbing the neighbors.” He gestures to the eerily blue-lit stone walls around them.

Artemis feints and goes low, ducking under Dick’s guard. Two quick hits to Dick’s sternum pushes him back, before he gets a hand on her wrist and twists her around so that her back is pressed against his chest.

“Weren’t we supposed to be talking?”

Kicking his shin, Artemis breaks free. “All right, fine. I’ll start.” Jab. “I keep wanting a scapegoat.” Kick. “Like, one person to blame, instead of something as big as the Reach. But it’s not some giant revenge thing, and I know Wally wouldn’t want me to go down that sort of all-consuming rabbit hole even if it was, and that pisses. Me. Off.” On those last words, she manages to use Dick’s momentum against him and flips him over her shoulder.

For a minute, it’s so quiet between them she can hear the faint plip of water dripping from a stalactite into the water below the sparring dais. Still lying on the floor, Dick confesses, “I keep hearing him.”

“I make a joke to myself and he’s there, in my ear, with the punchline. And then…” He passes a hand over his face. “And then I realize that the real punchline is him being gone.”

Slowly, Artemis approaches him. She feels like she did when they were undercover at Haly’s circus so many years ago, that brief moment of hangtime before their hands connected in the air. She means to sit down next to him, pat his shoulder, she doesn’t know what, but instead Dick sweeps her legs out from under her and she goes down hard, the air whooshing out of her chest as she falls flat on her back.

“Agh!” The release sets something loose inside her. Next thing she knows, she’s yelling again, louder, just because.

Dick catches on and then it’s just the two of them shouting, their voices echoing through the cavern, threading around and piling atop each other like a flock of birds. After they’re done, Dick rolls so that they’re lying side by side.

“You know, when we were starting out—when we first became friends—I used to make fun of Wally that if he kept talking so much while running he was bound to swallow more bugs, or something. And he’d just shoot back like, ‘Nah dude, you think I’m not fast enough to see them and dodge them in the air?’ But you know how he was always so hungry after missions? One time I was so mad at him I put a bug in his sandwich. I’ve never forgotten the look on his face after he bit into it and I said, dodge that.”

“You didn’t.” Artemis gasps and covers her mouth, horrified, but she can see it so vividly: the colors draining from Wally’s face, making his freckles pop even more against his skin, the same greenish tint his cheeks took the time they went to Vietnam and he got food poisoning. He’d spent two days feverishly glaring up at the mosquito netting, and Artemis had draped cold hand towels over his forehead and promised she wasn’t going to leave him for the very obliging boy who kept bringing them ice.

“I did.” Dick is gleeful. “Really put the ‘rank’ in prank.”

Artemis snorts; the snort turns into a full-blown guffaw. Dick turns toward her, laughing too. His hair is matted with sweat but still soft; it brushes against her forehead.

It feels so good to be close to someone again, to be able to flip on a dime from sadness to frustration to anger to laughter and not have to explain herself. She can’t remember the last time she smiled and didn’t feel guilty about it, and she means it more affectionately than anything when she reaches over and brings Dick’s mouth to hers, like if she inhales whatever they’ve temporarily managed to create here between them, it’ll be enough to tide her over for the next few months. For a second, he’s warm and responsive, before his lips stiffen and he pulls back.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t. Shouldn’t beat yourself up about it, shouldn’t blame yourself for getting back in the game. Artemis is sick of people telling her how to deal, how it’s supposed to go. It’ll get better and then it doesn’t. People talk like there are guidebooks for this kind of shit, like it’s a marathon she just needs to pace herself through. And it’s the stupidest thing, but she misses being held.

She sits up and crosses her arms, resisting the urge to curl in on herself. “You didn’t do anything. I’ll go.”

“No, Artemis, wait, I don’t think you should go, I just want to understand what’s going on—”

“I want you to touch me, okay?” she explodes. “I want you to touch me because he’s never going to again and I know you loved him too and—and maybe if it’s you, I won’t feel so desperately alone.”

Dick looks stricken, and then, hesitantly, he reaches for her. His eyes are so blue, the kind of crushed eggshell you’d use to make a paint. “You’re not alone.”

“Prove it,” she says, vision blurring with tears—wanting, needing him closer, and then his hairline is up against hers again and his nose is at her cheek, his mouth at her jaw, soft but with a willingness to bruise. Don’t ask me what we’re about to do, Artemis silently begs, and Dick doesn’t.

Wally had been a restless lover. Always turning them over, switching positions. Artemis had taken it as a challenge, part of the ongoing competition that defined their relationship. Deep down, she’d known that Wally would be just as content if the rest of their sex life consisted solely of spooning gently on Sundays, which, if anything, was why she’d been so eager to experiment—because it felt like an easy gift she could give, not something she had to master to “maintain excitement” or make him stay.

She’s not sure what she expected from Dick. Maybe that’s a comfort—that she wasn’t fantasizing before they happened, wondering about all the mechanics of how it would go. Dick lets her call the shots, lets her ride him into the ground, the grip of his fingers around her thighs the only reminder she isn’t just angling toward oblivion. When he presses his thumb between her legs, it’s a weird sort of anchor—like hearing a voice pick up on a line you thought was dead. She has a body, and here’s someone on the other end of it, caring about her release. As soon as that thought hits, the relief shudders through her; she keeps rocking long enough to feel Dick follow, a stutter and a grunt, before she collapses boneless over him, the sweat of his skin a comforting stickiness against her cheek.

Internally, she apologizes to Bruce for desecrating his training space. Then again, they’re hardly the first of the Justice League to get handsy in less than appropriate places. She’s seen how Black Canary and Green Arrow act around each other.

Below her, Dick catches his breath. The rush of blood—his or hers—is loud in her ears.

“I didn’t think you’d be so…” Giving, she means to say, but it gets lost on her tongue. “I mean, Zatanna…” she trails off again.

If Dick’s embarrassed at the prospect of his ex-girlfriend having blabbed about the details of their sex life to Artemis, he doesn’t show it. His fingers find a snag in her hair; gently, he works it loose. The air smells hedonistic. He keeps combing. Nice is the only word she can think to describe it, and that makes her want to cry again, so she squeezes her eyes shut.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his chest.

Dick pauses his ministrations. He flattens his palm against the base of her neck and just—holds her there.

“Don’t mention it.”

When she goes home that afternoon to shower, she runs the water on full blast for a long time.

Armed with Chinese food, she visits Dick’s place the next day intent on making amends. Dick doesn’t even act surprised; he just points to the glass coffee table where she can set the bag of chopsticks, napkins, and takeout.

“I’m trying to decide what to watch.”

There’s really no need for him to stand in front of the TV the way he does, one hand propped on his hip as he clicks through options with the remote. Artemis lets herself ogle, a bit. The surest way to blow past what happened between them yesterday is to be honest with herself, right? And as far as coping mechanisms go, Artemis could have done worse. At least her method has a gymnast’s ass.

“Any preferences?”

“Between what?” asks Artemis, cracking open the carton of lo mein and settling back against the cushions. The Netflix suggestion algorithm onscreen paints a condemning picture of Dick’s tastes. “True crime or… true crime?”

Wally had been really into nature documentaries. One time during freshman year, when they were still living on Stanford’s campus, they’d gotten high in Wally’s dorm room and watched Blue Planet. Wally had cried when the seal got flung apart by killer whales.

“I’ll Be Gone in the Dark it is, then,” says Dick. He settles next to her on the couch, peeling back one of the orders and sniffing its contents. “What’s this one?”

“Salt and pepper ribs. They were today’s special.”

“Artemis.” Dick beams. “You really do care about me.”

Ten minutes into the episode begs a single question: “Isn’t it sort of depressing that you spend so much of your day fighting crime, and then you go home to unwind and just watch… more of it?”

Dick shrugs. “It keeps me sharp. And it’s nice seeing other people solve problems.”

“Well, if you ever feel like branching out, there’s a short film about Rubik’s cubes you might like.” Artemis nudges his side. “Remember when you were a scrawny math geek?”

Bringing both hands behind his head, Dick smirks. “Still a math geek. Just not scrawny.”

Artemis stares. That was just a bit of friendly showboating, right? Or was it a flirt? Not trusting herself, she whips her gaze back toward the TV. What feels like eons later, the credits roll.

“Artemis,” Dick says, too soft for having just finished a show about murder. He taps the corner of his mouth. “You’ve got some food stuck.”

She wipes with the back of her hand; a breaded piece of orange chicken emerges as the culprit. Without thinking, she flicks it off, sending it flying somewhere onto Dick’s carpet.

“Oops.”

Chuckling, Dick shakes his head. “I need to vacuum tomorrow, anyways.”

The mention of tomorrow stirs her. “Right. I should head out.”

“Yeah.” Dick rises to help her clean up their mess, holding open the plastic bag so she can toss in the soiled napkins and other bits of trash. “Or—”

He hesitates, but the hesitation’s enough. It might as well be a hand on her wrist, with how it stops her in her tracks. All night, despite what she told herself, she’s been looking for proof: proof that his aloneness fits the shape of hers, that he needs her, too. This time, Dick makes the first move—cups her face in both hands and kisses her, slow and deep and full of heat. Some pepper from the food they ate still lingers on his lips, making her mouth tingle, and Artemis is dizzy and flat on her back on the couch before she knows it, giving in.

Not scrawny at all, she thinks, admiring the solidness of Dick’s knees on either side of her, the weight of his frame as they grind together. The sheer mechanics of it feel very horny-teenager-after-prom, but the way Dick sucks her bottom lip and swallows her breath down with it is decidedly adult. These days, Artemis practically lives in her sports bra, which doesn’t exactly grant easy access, but when Dick’s fingertips skim over the cotton covering her breasts the sensation zings all the way down her spine.

“Need… off…”

“Yeah,” Dick murmurs, humming as he moves down the column of her neck. “Gimme a sec, I’m working on it.”

She’d worn sweats because she figured their bagginess would keep her from sparring again and any potential… situations that could arise from that. Instead, all it means is Dick unties the drawstrings easily, sliding her pants down her legs. Cool air brushes across her as he shifts positions; she wants to sob in relief. His teeth graze her hip and then catch the edge of her panties and—oh. Fuck. The moan tears out of her and she scrabbles at the armrest, hips rising of their own accord. Next time, she is handcuffing Dick to a bed, because what he’s doing with his tongue and fingers should be illegal. She can feel him grinning, the bastard, and the only thing keeping her from crushing his head to a pulp between her thighs is the maneuver he pulls where he hooks her knees over his shoulders, so he can change the angle and plunge in deeper. Artemis shoves the edge of her T-shirt into her mouth at the last minute, only barely managing to muffle her cry.

Dick surfaces from his solo mission looking entirely too satisfied, mouth glistening. Trembling, still, from her orgasm, Artemis squints at him, possessed by some combination of unbridled lust and rage.

“Dick.”

“You calling, or asking?”

“Shut up,” she hisses. She feels like a newborn foal, after what he just did to her, but the urge to dismantle him just as thoroughly sends her surging upward and pushing him back. Dick welcomes their reversed positions by peeling off his shirt and tossing it over his shoulder, all while Artemis works furiously at his belt. It shouldn’t feel so good, to hear the metal clink against his button and watch the leather slide through the loops. To see the shadows the light of the TV casts on him—the lashes on his cheeks, the hollow of his throat. Artemis hadn’t paid much attention the first time, too desperate and caught up a bit in self-loathing, but now she’s actually enjoying this, savoring the flex of Dick’s abs as he pushes up to meet her, his skin pebbling at her touch.

“I’m going to take you apart,” she purrs.

Dick groans and bucks. The sensation sends a sharp spike of pleasure through her, and she clamps down on him tighter, refusing to yield.

“Try me, Tigress,” he rasps, pushing himself up on one arm so he can mouth at her collarbone. With his other hand, he pulls off her hairtie so her hair comes free of her ponytail, and this is going to be a thing with him, isn’t it, him wanting to fuck her while her hair swings loose around her face. She indulges him for a few minutes, claws his back and bites his shoulder for good measure, but then she’s pushing him back down and stretching out her body as languidly as possible to remind him who’s boss. Their pace slows. Dick keeps a hand fisted in her hair, so he can tug her head back in order to keep her neck exposed to his wanton mouth, but his grip gets less sure the closer she pushes him to the edge.

“Art—” says Dick, the single syllable like a painting pinned to the wall, fraught with desire, and then he just lets it drop, the tresses of her hair falling through his fingers. She wants to tell him that he’s beautiful, that he does look like a boy wonder, right then, in the midst of coming undone, chest flushed and hair mussed and pupils blown nearly wide enough to overtake the blue.

She doesn’t, but she stays the night, and that’s close enough.

High-functioning, Artemis’s therapist had called her, before Artemis moved back to Gotham. And it does feel like a high—the sneaking around, the after-hours meet-ups, the back-and-forth. There’s no one really keeping tabs on her, though Artemis has plenty of cover stories if anyone asks (new intel, side reconnaissance, etcetera, etcetera). Her mom eyes her and says, “As long as you’re not planning on staging your own death again, because I will find out and I will kill you this time,” and that’s that. Artemis nearly laughs. If anything, what she’s doing is the opposite, a small resurrection. An entire month and a half passes this way: day trips and dinners and movie nights and Dick and her in a bathtub, in the shower, against a wall. She even wears a gown and heels once, not because they have an actual event to attend, but because Dick has a fantasy that involves taking her from behind in the Wayne Manor library.

They’re in his apartment on a Sunday morning bathing in the afterglow, sheets tangled around their waists. Thank god Dick is one of those assholes that splurged on not only a nice mattress but also a solid bed frame. Artemis reaches over to push the hair out of his eyes. The black tuft on the back of his head that she likes grabbing is fluffed up like a duck's tail, and under the sunlight slanting through the windows, he looks angelic.

“Are you falling back asleep?”

Yawning, Dick snags her around the waist, dragging her to him. She should not delight this much in being manhandled.

“You wore me out,” he complains, tucking his chin over her shoulder.

“They just don’t make them like they used to,” Artemis sighs. Dick growls a little at the dig, fingers tightening against her hip.

Well. If he’s going to nap, she is, too. Comfortably spooned, she snuggles back against him, prepared to drift off.

“Do you think Wally would have wanted…” Dick doesn’t finish the thought.

Artemis turns in his arms. Dick has long eyelashes, and he’s looking at her through them almost bashfully. She places a hand on his chest. Feels his heartbeat thump once, twice.

“I think he would want us to be happy.”

“Are you?” Dick’s voice fades out and he has to swallow hard to clear his throat. “Happy?”

“I’m not… miserable.”

Dick runs his hand up her bare arm, over her shoulder. “Me neither.”

“You know, Wally and I thought…” She bites her lip, remembering a whoosh of air, Wally speeding to her side to kiss her and interrupting her report on the disabled Paris MFD. I know we promised each other we’d get out of this game, but maybe we can have our life together and play hero, too. “We thought we’d have everything.”

Dick’s response isn’t mournful; it’s matter-of-fact. “After my parents died, I never really convinced myself that I could have it all.”

“That sounds like something Batman would say.”

“Does it?”

“A little.”

Once upon a time, Artemis had stood before the team ready to lay bare her darkest secret, waiting to be kicked out. And Dick had shown his hand: he’d known from the beginning and hadn’t cared. You aren’t your family. You’re one of us. She knows he’s second-guessed himself over the years, wondering how fit he actually is to play leader. But for her, trust has always been the easiest thing about the two of them. It was why she’d said yes so easily to his deep cover mission—because she knew that he wouldn’t quit until he’d brought all of them home, that he would do whatever he could to keep them safe.

Taking his face in both her hands, she looks deep into his eyes. “You deserve good things, Dick Grayson.”

“Mm.” Dick smiles into her kiss, hooks his ankle over hers. “Keep telling me that. I’ll start to believe it.”

Jade abandons Will and Lian on a Tuesday, and Artemis’s carefully crafted equilibrium falls apart. At least this time she’s not the one directly being left, unlike when she was a teenager. Her expectations of her older sister had hardly been high, but if she’d plotted them on a graph they’d have trended upward. Now they’ve tanked.

“Did she leave any hint of where she was going?” Dick asks over the whir of his juicer. He’s gotten really into squeezing oranges lately; Artemis can’t complain because he always gives her the first glass.

“It’s Jade. She never wants to be found, and I hardly think she’s about to try an Eat Pray Love type thing.”

“Eat Slash Steal, maybe?” Dick offers, dropping two ice cubes into a drink and setting it in front of her.

Artemis sips, balling up a napkin and throwing it at him at the same time. “Watch it, that’s still my family you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry. How’s Will taking it?”

“As well as any dad trying to raise a two-year-old by himself would.”

“So, poorly.” Dick taps his finger against the table. “Are they coming here?”

Artemis looks at him blankly. “Why?”

“I figured they might want to be closer to you and your mom now that Jade’s gone. Gotham’s not so bad—you and I turned out fine. And Will probably needs to look into preschools and a babysitter for Lian soon. If you move in with me, you can bring her over whenever.”

The last piece of information slips in so casually she thinks she’s misheard. “What?”

“If you move in with me, you can bring Lian over whenever,” repeats Dick. “This place is as good as yours. You’re over here all the time anyway.”

Suddenly, she can’t breathe. “You’re serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She can’t meet his eyes. “W—Will’s home is in Star City. He’s not going to move.”

Slowly, Dick says, “Okay. But my offer doesn’t really depend on Will.”

Her stuff is still in boxes. She’s still paying for a storage unit almost 3,000 miles away. And Dick is waiting on her so intently it makes her chest hurt.

Artemis stands up. “We’re not doing this.”

Dick’s eyebrows rise. Annoyance, or maybe anger, flickers across his face. “You wanna fill me in on what exactly it is we’re doing, according to you?”

“We’re not going to fight about this like we’re…” In a relationship. In love. In anything other than a messy configuration started by shared grief. She doesn’t say any of it out loud, but she doesn’t need to—Dick’s always been great at reading people, and he’s known all her tells from the start.

“Right.” The single syllable comes out as cold and pointed as an icicle. He pushes his chair back from the table and stands up. The clouds are rolling in, throwing shadows across his features. Even now, Artemis wants to kiss him, wants to be the one to smooth the furrow between his eyebrows away.

“Dick…”

“Do me a favor, will you?” Dick grabs his jacket from the hook by his door, shrugging it on. He pauses, briefly, in the doorway. “Lock my door on the way out.”

That night, she lies alone in her bedroom next to the picture of her, Wally, and Brucely. Brucely snuffles at the foot of her bed and then leaps onto the covers, and this time she doesn’t shoo him off. Neither does she fall asleep.

There was a song Jade had liked to sing, passed down from their mother: a Vietnamese lullaby about a yellow butterfly, to the tune of “Frère Jacques.” The butterfly flies all over the sky. Come and see. Come and see. When it became clear that Artemis’s hair would grow in blond, not black, Jade started pulling it, making her giggle. You’re the yellow butterfly, see?

The taxicab she calls for the airport is bright yellow in the morning light. Plain old civilian travel for plain old civilian business. You don’t need to be a superhero to fly across the country and move in with your brother-in-law and your niece. She’ll sing silly little songs and wash Lian’s hair, and they’ll be a family same as anyone else’s: clumsy, incomplete.

“Artemis.” Dick coalesces out of the fog. They haven’t seen or spoken to each other in a week, and she should be mad that he’s here because it probably means he’s been monitoring her web traffic and caught wind she’d bought plane tickets. Still, all she feels is relief.

Jade had laughed when Artemis had let slip what she was doing during one rare sisterly bonding moment. “Oh, darling sister, your thing with your little bird boy isn’t about moving on. You’re using him as a holding pattern. Try not to damage him too much, hm?” Rankled, Artemis had hung up the phone—what did Jade know about anything, besides shoving it under the rug and pretending it didn’t matter? Now, though, Artemis sees things more clearly. Jade did know something about bodies and what they could and couldn’t fix; after all, isn’t that why she ran?

She worries with the strap of her duffel bag, letting Dick approach.

“If this were a romcom, you would have waited until I got to the airport and then run through security.”

“If this were a romcom,” says Dick, stopping in front of her and shoving his hands in his pockets, “I’d be trying to make you stay.”

She thinks he might be the one person left on this planet who knows her best. She thinks they could save each other, if they’d let themselves try. But they each have work to do on their own, first.

Setting down her bag, she tucks her face into the crook of his neck and breathes him in. Wherever else she goes, this spot will always feel like forgiveness. Nose buried in her hair, Dick squeezes her back.

The taxi driver rolls down his window. “Is this guy coming with us or not?”

Artemis pulls back, and there’s so much sky in Dick’s eyes.

“You know where to find me,” she says.

| STAR CITY

| JULY 29, 2018; 7:30 AM PST

“Who are you here to recruit this time?” Will asks, leaning against the doorframe, but Artemis doesn’t need an answer, doesn’t need any details but the black hair she can see just over Will’s shoulder, Dick’s voice at the end of a line.

He jumps, and she jumps with him. They’ll figure out everything else as they go.

Before Dick can respond, she says: “I’m in.”

#young justice #artemis crock #dick grayson #traught #dick x artemis #my writing #fanfiction #ff: yj

69 notes · View notes

imaginationintowords · 3 years

Text

Folklore [song series]

cardigan

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x OC!Reader; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word Count: 11672

Warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos, underage drinking

[a/n: sorry it took me awhile to get this part out. But to make up for it this one is a long one! Sorry if it’s a little confusing, I know there’s a lot to it, so I hope it’s easy to follow. Also if you would like to be tagged, just let me know]

Previous Part

Series Masterlist

Age: 19 Year: 2013 Location(s): Stanford, CA & Brooklyn, NY Elizabeth was spending her Friday afternoon packing up the last bit of her things that would be shipped back to Brooklyn tomorrow. She planned it so that if they were shipped tomorrow, they would arrive back home two days after she got there. Enough time for her to unpack the stuff she was taking with her on her flight in a couple of days. Elizabeth had successfully completed her first year of college at the University of Stanford. It was the best year of her life. "Hey Liz!" Her roommate, Wanda greeted her. Last summer, Elizabeth received an email from the school telling her who her dorm mate would be, along with the girl's email address. Wanda Maximoff was originally from Sokovia, but she and her family moved to Boston when she was 8 years-old. Both girls instantly clicked. That summer they were constantly in communication with each other. They both went over their excitement and fears of moving across the country. Wanda, like Elizabeth, had never been away from her family for so long, especially her twin brother. They both eased each other's minds, knowing they weren't alone in this journey. Up until her senior year Elizabeth had every intention of not being alone going into college, but in the end that wasn't the case. Steve ended up going to Berkley, and Bucky ended up at NYU. When they finally both moved into their dorm, it was like they had been life long friends. Wanda was pre-med while Elizabeth was pre-law, so they both knew that one another would take priority in their education over partying. Didn't mean they didn't go out to the occasional party, they both just knew the sacrifices their families were making for them to be at an out of state university. "Hey Wand, what's up?" Elizabeth smiled, while continuing to pack. "Are you going to the party at Loki's house?" Loki Odinson was a junior. He was a legacy student, both his parents were Stanford University alumni. They had a house that was only 15 minutes away from campus, Loki and his friends lived there during the semester, before they all fled back to Los Angeles for the summer.

Even though he was rich beyond means, he wasn't a jerk. He was friendly to everyone around him. Everyone wanted to be his friend, and he wouldn't say no to that. When Elizabeth first met him she thought he was flirting with her, and she kind of welcomed the idea of dating someone like him. But she later found out that Loki wasn't into her, or any other females for that matter. He had a long term boyfriend who was going to USC, they took turns visiting each other every weekend. Normally the weekends Loki wasn't having a party were the ones his boyfriend was visiting. Loki was also a law student, so he helped Elizabeth whenever she needed it. He hosted a weekly meeting in the library for freshman students who were law students, it was a way to help them navigate their first year and the stressors that came with it. He was like their big brother. Elizabeth owes a lot to him this year, because she wasn't sure how she would've made it alive without him. "Yeah, I was planning on it," Elizabeth said taping up the final box for the night, "Last party of the school year. Did you want to go together?" "Yes, please," Wanda said, throwing herself onto her bed. Wanda's side of the room was semi-packed up. Her family was flying in the day Elizabeth was flying out. They were renting a RV and taking a road trip across country. Wanda leaned on her elbow facing Elizabeth, and looking around the room, "Wow, you're almost done packing!" "Yup," she said, getting off of the floor and pressing the palms of her hands to her back to let out the cracks from sitting on the floor for a long period of time, "Movers are picking up my things tomorrow to ship back home. The last things I need to pack our the rest of my clothes I have left, but those are all going in my suitcase to take on the flight with me." "Can't wait til the fall where we don't have to be stuck in these dorms," Wanda stretched out on her tiny bed. Wanda and Elizabeth were planning on getting an apartment next semester at one of the student housing apartment complexes next to the campus. As much as they enjoyed the dorms, having their own privacy would be so much better. Without the constant interruptions from other people on their floor, or from having to share a bathroom with the whole floor. It will be nice to have their own space. They both took on little jobs on campus during the school year, and had planned to also work the entire summer to save up some money. Their parents had agreed to help with the rent, as long as both Wanda and Elizabeth kept up a 3.7 GPA and had jobs to pay for the necessities they would be needing. It was a great deal that they couldn't pass on. "What are you going to wear tonight?" Elizabeth asked Wanda, as she stood in front of her small closet, which now was only half filled. "My lucky red dress," Wanda smiled, "Rumor has it Loki's older brother Thor will be there tonight." Thor was Loki's older brother. He was a senior at Berkley, which was only about an hour drive away. Thor was an Environmental studies major, who was also the captain of the Cal Bears Field Hockey team. He was the complete opposite of Loki when it came to their looks, and taste in genders. He was a bit taller than Loki, had a ton more muscles, long blonde hair, and the times Elizabeth and Wanda had seen him, he had a full grown beard. He looked very intimidating at first glance, but he was actually just a giant bear. Like Loki, he just wanted to be everyone's friend, and just wanted to make sure everyone around him was having a good time. They were clearly both raised by the same parents. Elizabeth laughed out loud, "Wanda, please tell me you're not planning on trying to hook up with him tonight." "Duh, hence my lucky red dress," Wanda got out of bed and grabbed the red dress hanging from her closet, "This dress is magic, okay. It hasn't failed me yet." Wanda's red dress became her "lucky red dress" after she aced her first exam, and hooked up with a cute sophomore she had been eyeing, all on the same day. Whenever she needed luck on her side, she wore the dress. During finals she wore it the entire week, washing it in between each day, they wouldn't be getting their results back for a few more days, but Wanda knew she had done well. Elizabeth didn't bother to try and belittle the lucky dress, because even she might have worn it a few times and had gotten good results. "Plus, seeing as Thor is graduating next week it might be the last time I see him, so go big or go home," Wanda smiled proudly.

_______________________

A few hours later Wanda and Elizabeth found themselves walking up to Loki's house. At night the house might've reminded those in passing of a fraternity house, but in the daylight it was completely not. The yard was always perfectly manicured. The exterior reminded Elizabeth of a house in the Hamptons, while the interior was something straight out of a interior design magazine. It was definitely not a house made for college aged boys.

Wanda was dressed in her lucky red dress, with a pair of black booties, and a leather jacket. Her hair was in loose curls falling down her back. She kept her makeup light, aside from the dark red lip she had on.

Elizabeth was a bit more casual with some ripped at the knee black jeans, a loose grey t-shirt, and a suede burgundy moto jacket. She had straightened her curls that night, but since the weather was getting warmer she put it up in a messy ponytail. Her makeup was a very bare minimum, just some mascara and a nudish pink lipstick that practically matched her lips. She didn't come tonight for a hookup, she just came to spend time with these new friends she made before she headed back home for the summer.

As soon as they walked into the crowded house, they immediately headed to the bar area to grab something to drink.

"Do you see Thor?" Wanda asked Elizabeth as they received their drinks from the bar tender, who Loki paid for the night a lot to overlook the underage drinking.

"No," Elizabeth said speaking a little louder because of the music, "If he were here, I'm sure we would spot him right away. Man is built like a god."

"Damn right he is," Wanda smirked taking a sip from her drink.

Elizabeth let out a laugh at her friend's comment, before going back to scanning the room.

"Let's go out back," she shouted, grabbing Wanda's hand.

They weaved through the loud crowded makeshift dance floor that was the living room.

Once outside they could hear the cheering sounds of a game of beer pong going on.

"Hey girls!" They turned their heads to find Loki walking up to them.

"Hey Loki, no Scott this weekend?" Elizabeth asked, noticing he was sans his boyfriend.

"No, he had to study for finals, he's coming up next week for Thor's graduation though," he says, hugging both girls.

"Speaking of which, where is that brother of your's?" Wanda tried to nonchalantly ask.

"I see you're wearing your lucky red dress," Loki remarks ignoring her question, he had a smirk on his face, knowing exactly what Wanda was up to.

"Oh, am I, I didn't even realize it," she played along, sending him a wink.

"He'll be he-" Loki was immediately cut off by a loud booming voice making it's way through the house and towards the back, "Mention and he shall appear."

The girls peered over their shoulder to see Thor walking in with a group of guys following him. Some of them Elizabeth recognized as his friends from Berkeley.

"Brother," Thor shouts, rushing his way towards Loki, throwing his arms around his younger brother in a bone crushing hug. You'd think they haven't seen each other in months, but they actually saw each other a couple a times a week for dinner.

Elizabeth found it cute the way they were really close. She never had any siblings, she always wanted some but her parents had only wanted one kid. She knew if she had a sibling she would want the same relationship Thor and Loki had.

"Ladies," Thor greets Wanda and Elizabeth, as he finally releases his brother.

"Hi," Elizabeth waved.

"Wanda, nice dress," Thor said throwing his arm over the small red head.

"Oh this old thing," she smiled, as he lead her towards the beer pong table.

"That damn dress," Loki laughed.

"It's lucky for a reason," Elizabeth laughed shaking her head.

"Elizabeth?" Elizabeth turned around thinking she heard her name called but she shrugged it off thinking it was just Wanda from up ahead.

"Elizabeth? Betty?" At the mention of her old nickname she froze, and instantly turned back around to come into eye contact with none other Steve Rogers.

"Steve!?" She exclaimed, completely taken back by seeing him here in the flesh.

He looked a bit different. He definitely had bulked up since the last time she saw him at their high school graduation.

"Oh my gosh, it is you," he shakes his head in disbelief before hugging her.

"Woah, you're huge," she remarked wrapping her hands around him.

"Berkley has a nice student gym," he remarks as they pull apart from each other, still taking each other in.

It felt like they were both looking at strangers. Yes, they still basically looked the same, but there was something different about both of them. Something more mature. Here are two young adults who had spent their childhood and teenage years together, looking at each other in complete amazement.

They hadn't spend much of senior year together. After giving Bucky his letter, Elizabeth had went over to Steve's to apologize in person. He welcomed her with open arms, but there was still something a bit off. What happened between their little group had changed them forever. Their friendship would never be the same again. And maybe that was for the better, Elizabeth had thought at the time.

Now as they stand in front of each other taking it all in, they hadn't realized how much they had missed each other. Missed home.

Loki clears his throat behind them, signaling he was still there.

"Oh, Loki," Elizabeth glanced behind, "this is Steve, we grew up together. Steve this is Loki."

"Hey," Steve reached his hand over for Loki to take, "Thor has told many stories about you."

"God, of course he has," Loki took his hand and rolled his eyes, "I'm sure they were all at my expense."

Elizabeth caught Loki subtly checking Steve out, causing a small blush to form on her cheeks. Guess she wasn't the only one taken by his new stature.

"They weren't all bad," Steve laughed.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll leave you two to catch up, I have a red dress to see in action," he says before walking away.

"Red dress?" Steve asked confused.

"It's nothing," she shook her head, realizing the amount of inside jokes she's made that no longer include him.

"So how have you been?" She asks him, as she leads him to a secluded part of the backyard where the music wasn't so loud.

"Good," he smiles one of his famous bright smiles, "Just been busy. You know freshman year not as easy as I had thought it would be."

"You're telling me," she laughs, "I'm glad I encountered Loki because he's been a massive help."

"Are you guys..." he starts to imply.

"Oh no," she quickly interrupts, "Let's just say Loki would be way more into you than me."

"Ah I get the picture," he lets out a loud laugh.

They didn't realize how much time had gone by, before Loki comes running up to them.

"IT WORKED!" He yelled, slightly slurring his words, "That damn red dress is fucking magic."

"Of course it is," Elizabeth smiled, watching Loki shake his head and make his way back to the party.

"What is this red dress?"

"My roommate Wanda, she has this red dress, and it's sorta became a lucky red dress throughout the year. It's magical," she says, but then something comes over herself, causing her to correct herself.

"It's nothing. It's just silliness. I'm sure it's not really magic," she shakes her head, and the idea of still believing in magic.

"Hey, don't do that," he places his hand softly on top of hers that was laid in between them on the bench they were sat at, "If you say it's magic, I believe it. There's nothing wrong with having a little magic in your life. Lord knows I believe, reason I won't use any other pencil when taking my final."

"Ahh Steve Rogers has a lucky pencil?" She playfully mocks.

"Steve Rogers has more than one lucky pencil," he laughs, "I have one for my written finals, and one I use for my drawings."

"Ah your drawings," she beamed, "They were always my favorite. I was so happy for you when I heard you decided to pursue something that allows you to still put your powers into use."

"My powers?" He asked, with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, your drawings were always so powerful," She beamed at him, "You knew how to bring whatever you were drawing to life. Your Brooklyn bridge drawing is still hands down one of my favorites."

"And between us," she lowers her voice, causing both of them to move their heads closer to each other, "It's my lucky totem."

"What? You still have it?" He quietly asked in disbelief.

The drawing was years old. He had drawn it one day during homeroom when they were 14, he didn't like how it came out but Elizabeth wouldn't let him toss it. She ended up taking it from him, to make sure he didn't throw it away. She had told him that one day he's going to want to look back on it and see how far he's come, even though she was positive he couldn't possibly get any better than he already was.

"I always keep it folded up in my pocket when I take a test," she confesses, "Have been since that day four years ago. It's my lucky drawing."

Steve stared at Elizabeth in awe. He didn't know what to say, he had just assumed she had lost it. But hearing that it was her lucky charm made his heartbeat quicken. For the first time in his life he wasn't seeing little innocent Betty, he was seeing Elizabeth. A beautiful, confident, mature young woman. She really blossomed here in college. He had never seen her so happy, so at peace. She was absolutely glowing.

He could feel his hands getting clammy, and his throat getting dry. He caught himself glance down at her lips and then back at her eyes. He tried to swallow the lump down his throat.

"Liz!" He heard someone yell in the background, causing both of them to snap out of their gaze.

They looked over to find Loki, once again. Slightly more drunk than last time.

"She's fucking my brother!" He exclaims in horror, "In my fucking room!"

Elizabeth laughs quietly and shakes her head.

"I better go make sure Loki doesn't drink himself from the horror of it all," she tells Steve, as they both get up.

"Wouldn't want that happening," he says, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"No, I'm going to need him next year," she smiles before walking away.

Elizabeth stopped and turned around, "Hey Steve, when are you flying back home?"

"Sunday morning at 8am, you?"

"Same. Where you flying from?"

"San Francisco International," he tells her.

"Well look at that, we're on the same flight home. Guess I'll see you Sunday morning," she smiled waving good bye.

"See you Sunday," he waved back, a big grin on his face.

After she was gone, Steve was left alone to his thoughts. His mind was racing with so many different thoughts. Was he really thinking about kissing Elizabeth? Bucky's Elizabeth. I mean she technically wasn't Bucky's Elizabeth anymore, but still as Bucky's best friend he shouldn't be having those thoughts of kissing his ex-girlfriend and first love. Hell Bucky was still in love with Elizabeth.

After Bucky had received that letter from Elizabeth, it kind of gave him hope for the future. He had told Steve that he wasn't going to give up on them getting back together. Steve was finding himself hoping that maybe Bucky had moved on from that idea. Maybe being at college has matured him the way it did for him and Elizabeth.

He glanced back at the house to catch Elizabeth pulling a shot away from a drunk Loki, as she tried to make sure he wouldn't cause any harm to himself.

Bucky was an idiot for screwing that up, he found himself thinking.

___________________

Elizabeth spent Saturday finishing up any last minute packing, before the movers arrived to pick up what was being shipped back. She also spent the afternoon hearing all about Wanda's wild night with Thor. Apparently Thor had such a great time he even invited her to his graduation, and she gladly accepted. Elizabeth smiled as her friend continued to talk about Thor, she noticed the way Wanda's eyes lit up. Her friend was falling in love and she didn't even notice.

She and Wanda had a final dinner that night. They had planned on meeting up later in the summer, to discuss apartment details, and see where each other grew up from.

Elizabeth was finding herself wishing for Sundays approach. Not because she was ready to go home, but she wanted to talk more with Steve. When Wanda asked what happened between them Saturday night, Elizabeth told her the truth. Nothing happened. It was simply just two old friends catching up. Wanda didn't believe her, but dropped the subject.

Steve really had grown up since last year. And not just his physical attributes. Elizabeth found herself loving hearing Steve talk all about what was going on with school. And especially when he talked about architecture. He even pointed out things that he would do to make Loki's house a lot nicer. She had never seen Steve so animated before. It really had her thinking if she even truly knew Steve.

They had spent most of their whole lives together, but when she thought back on it, it was never really just them two. It was always her, Bucky, and Steve. And when Bucky wasn't around it was in student council with other classmates around. She and Steve probably hadn't spent time together since they were children. Last night was the first time where they actually had a long conversation, with just them two. A real conversation about their dreams, and not the silly kind you have when you're seven, but the kind where you're actually making them come true.

It also had her thinking back to the moment when she revealed about keeping Steve's drawing of the Brooklyn bridge. It was such an intimate moment when she thinks back to it. While in the moment she was so drawn to him, like a magnet pulling them towards each other. Elizabeth would be lying if she said she didn't find Steve attractive, because anyone with eyes could see that. And she definitely would be lying if she said she hadn't wanted to kiss him.

Because Elizabeth Sanchez really wanted to kiss Steve Rogers last night.

What a mess that would've made. Kissing her ex-boyfriend's best friend. Her former best friend.

But then again, she and Bucky weren't together. They hadn't even talked since she left, and that conversation was a brief one. Bucky had stopped by to say bye and to let Elizabeth know he really appreciated the letter he sent her earlier in the year, and Elizabeth just explained she didn't want any negative feelings following her to college. She wished him well, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left.

Wanda walked into their room cutting Elizabeth's thoughts short.

"Ready?" Wanda asked, "Loki is waiting for us downstairs."

"Yup, let's go," Elizabeth said, she grabbed her carry on bag, one suitcase, while Wanda helped with the other one.

"Here we are," Loki says pulling in front of the drop off area at the airport.

"Thanks for the ride and everything this year," Elizabeth leaned over to give Loki a hug over the center console.

"Anytime kid, just make sure you come back to me," he winked, before getting out of the car to grab Elizabeth's bags from the trunk.

Elizabeth and Wanda hugged each other tightly once out of the car.

"It's not an official goodbye, we'll see each other sooner than we think," Elizabeth said into Wanda's hair.

"I know, I just got so used to having you around, what if I do something stupid?"

"I mean lets be real, you would do something stupid whether I'm there or not," she laughed.

"That's true," Wanda laughed along, pulling away from Elizabeth, "see you in a few weeks."

Elizabeth grabbed her things from Loki, and gave the group one final hug, "Love you guys," she said before walking away.

She turned around and gave them one final wave as they drove off.

Elizabeth checked in her bags and headed for her terminal.

Walking up to where her gate was she noticed a familiar blonde head waiting patiently.

"Hey stranger," she walked up to him.

"Hey," he smiled brightly, causing butterflies to flutter in Elizabeth's stomach.

She tried her hardest to ignore the feeling.

"I got you a coffee, it's still hot, I just got here not too long ago," Steve rambled, handing her a Starbucks cup.

"Ah you're a lifesaver, thank you," she smiled sitting down next to Steve, and taking a sip of her coffee.

Just how I like it, she thought.

"Ready to go back home?" He asked her.

"Yes, as much as I loved being here, I miss my bed," she laughed.

"Right," he agreed, "I can't wait to just crash for a few hours."

"I'm sure your mom is getting it all set up for you as we speak."

"Oh, yeah. She just texted me saying she's washing it as we speak," he laughed.

"How is your mom doing?"

"Good. She and dad actually just spent a month traveling around Europe," he tells her, "they finally had an 'empty nest' to do what they've always wanted to do."

"That sounds nice," Elizabeth smiles at the thought, "I hope to have that one day."

"Have you talked to Bucky lately?" Steve asked, taking not only Elizabeth by surprise but himself as well. He had no idea why he even asked that.

"Uh, no, not since I left last summer," she awkwardly said, scratching the back of her neck.

"Have you?" She asked.

Elizabeth didn't know why she asked Steve that question back. Part of her was curious, the other part was saving him from the embarrassment.

"Uh, yeah. Last night," he copied Elizabeth and rubbed the back of his head, "I was reminding him what time my plane landed. He's picking my up from the airport."

"He's been back home for a week now. Perks of going to school in New York."

"Yeah, I bet. No stress about if you're stuff will get lost on it's journey back," she joked, trying to break the awkward tension.

"So Thor told me he invited Wanda to his graduation," Steve changes the subject.

"Yeah! Her parents are flying in the next day, so she's probably going to go," she tell him, "How did you and Thor become friends?"

Elizabeth had been curious how that friendship started since Thor and Steve are not exactly on the same wavelength.

"Met him at the student gym," Steve laughs, "He saw me struggling and offered to help train me."

"As that's cute," she poked his bicep.

"Oh yeah, totally not embarrassing at all," he laughed along, "I was like a newborn deer learning how to walk."

"Well it paid off," she playfully nudged him, causing him to hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

Steve and Elizabeth continued to chat for the next hour, until it was time to board the plane. On the plane they wen their separate ways, they weren't so lucky to be seated close to one another.

Once they landed it was nearly five o'clock at night. They walked off the plane separately as well, once again like strangers.

Elizabeth would be lying if she said she wasn't rushing off in hopes of not running into Bucky. She knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him, she just dind't want to see him right here, right now.

She quickly made her way to baggage claim, where she was greeted by a familiar pair of eyes.

"Dad," she smiled throwing her arms around his neck.

"Elizabeth," he hugged his child tightly, "Welcome home sweetie,"

"Happy to be back," she smiled, pulling away. She caught his eye looking at something or someone behind her.

"Woah, is that Steve Rogers?" He asked.

She turned around to see Steve walking towards them, with is own carry on bags in hand.

"Steve," her father greeted him with his hand stood out.

"Mr. Sanchez, hi," Steve smiled shaking the older gentleman's hand.

"College treated you well," her father remarked.

"Dad," Elizabeth hissed, feeling her cheeks heat up at his comment.

"What? It's just an observation. I"m sure I'm not the only one who noticed," he gestured over to where two young girls are ogling Steve and giggling behind their hands.

"Thanks Mr. Sanchez," Steve blushed.

"Do you need a ride home?" Her dad offered.

"No, sir. Thank-you though," Steve politely declines, "Bucky is picking me up."

"Well don't be a stranger," her father waves goodbye as he heads to the conveyor belt to grab Elizabeth's bags.

"Bye," Elizabeth awkwardly waves.

"Wait," Steve stops her, "Maybe we can meet up some time this summer before we all head back to school."

"We as in you and me. Or as in you, me, and James?" She curiously asks.

"Of course, you, me and Bucky," he lies, "if that's alright with you. Not sure how things are still with you both."

"Things are you know, weird, but sure why not," she shrugged, "text me when and where."

They said their final goodbyes before parting ways.

Of course I meant with Bucky, right? He thought.

"Steven Grant Rogers?" He heard someone yell.

"Buck," he smiled, happy to see his best friend.

"Damn man, you got huge since I last saw you over the holidays," Bucky commented embracing Steve in a hug.

"It's not really much," he tried to brush it off.

"Dude you look like you ate the old you," he laughed.

"You just missed Liz," Steve said as he and Bucky walked to his car.

"Liz?" Bucky asked confused.

"Elizabeth. Sorry everyone calls her Liz at school," Steve says as he stops outside of Bucky's parked car.

"You guys hung out over there?" Bucky asks opening the trunk of his car.

"Just once," he says placing his suitcases in the trunk, "Remember that guy Thor I was telling you about?"

"Yeah, your personnel trainer," Bucky recalls walking over to the driver side, as Steve got in the passenger side.

Something in the passenger door pocket catches his eye.

"Well turns out Elizabeth is friends with his brother," Steve cautiously tells Bucky, "Ran into her at his party on Friday and we also were not he same flight back."

"Is she dating the guy?" Bucky begrudgingly asks, as he pulls away from he airport.

"Thor's brother? No," Steve says, unsure if he should even be telling Bucky about Elizabeth's new life, "I don't think she's dating anyone, she went to the party with her roommate."

"Cool," Bucky says pretending as if he isn't happy to hear that.

After a few moments of silence Steve decided to bring up what he saw, "So when did you start wearing red thongs?" He asked, gently pulling out the under by the tips of his fingers.

"Uh, you know college, all about experimenting," Bucky lied.

"Are you still planning on getting back with Elizabeth?" Steve ignored Bucky's answer.

"Steve, I don't need another lecture from you," Bucky rolled his eyes.

"I'm just asking, you're clearly not lonely."

"I'm single, so is Elizabeth," Bucky says, "If she were doing what I was it'd be perfectly fine."

"Buck, all I was doing was asking a question because if you are planning on getting back together with Elizabeth, you'll need to get rid of any incriminating evidence."

"Yes, okay. I plan on at least trying to see if Elizabeth would be willing to give it another try," he confesses.

"How is she?" Bucky asks.

"Happy," Steve answers truthfully, "I don't think I've ever seen her happier. College really did her well."

Bucky glanced over at Steve, noticing the way his best friend said the last part. He chose to ignore it.

The remainder of the car ride was spent on them catching up.

_____________________

Elizabeth spent the first couple of days unpacking her things and getting back into the rhythm of being home. She had to admit to herself that she truly did miss being home, her parents were even more thrilled. An empty home was not something they liked. They were even talking about getting a pet.

As she was putting away her freshly washed clothes, her phone vibrated. She had assumed it was Wanda freaking out over what to wear to Thor's graduation tomorrow night. She was surprised to see Steve's name across her screen.

It was a text:

Hey, if you're not busy tonight my parents are having a small BBQ. It's a last minute thing, so if you're free you're more than welcome to join. It starts at 6 :) She took a second to think it through. She knew if she went, there was no doubt that Bucky would be there. She had managed not to run into him so far, but she knew it wouldn't last forever. They did still live across the street from each other. So she texted back:

Hey Steve. I'm totally free. I'll be there :D

_____________________

Elizabeth took her time getting ready. As the time got closer, the more nervous she got.

Before she left she decided to call Wanda.

"I'm so nervous," she tells her friend.

"Take a shot," Wanda answered quickly.

"Dude, I"m home. My parents are definitely not going to let me 'take a shot'. Did you forget we are legally not supposed to," Elizabeth rolled her eyes looking around for her purse.

"Well are you wearing something hot, to show that idiot what he's missing."

"The last thing I want is to look 'hot'," Elizabeth stressed, "If anything I want to look as un hot as possible. I don't want him or anyone else here looking at me like that."

"Except for Steve," Wanda smirked over the phone.

"Yeah, except for Ste-" Elizabeth stopped, she was taken by surprise at what Wanda said and her own response, "No. Wait. What?"

"Oh come on Liz. I may have been slightly preoccupied by Thor that night, but Steve was definitely giving you the eyes," Wanda says, "And you were as well."

"The eyes?"

"Yeah, heart eyes," Wanda says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, "The same way I look at Thor. Or the way Scott and Loki look at each other."

"Wanda, Steve and I weren't looking at each other with heart eyes," Elizabeth denied, "He's one of my longest, closest friends. Plus he's practically Bucky's brother."

"So you thought about it?" Wanda teased.

"I called you to ease my nerves, not make them worse," Elizabeth groaned.

"Sorry," Wanda sincerely apologized, realizing she was being no help to her best friend, "Liz, everything is going to be fine tonight. If anything, all you need to do is be polite to James. Hell, you don't even need to talk to him.

"He's going to want to talk."

"Then keep it cordial, platonic," Wanda reassured her, "You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. Your life is yours. Not his."

"In the words of Cristina Yang, 'You're the sun. Not him,'" Wanda said quoting one of their favorite shows.

"I'm the sun," Elizabeth repeated, feeling the weight slipping of her shoulders, "Thanks, Wan. I'll call you afterwards."

"Unless you and Steve are getting it on, then you can call me tomorrow."

"Bye," Elizabeth hung up the phone.

____________________

Elizabeth decided to walk the three blocks to the Rogers' household. It was a nice night, and she missed being able to walk everywhere. Something she definitely took for granted once she moved to the west coast.

When she got in front to the Rogers' house, she took one final inhale and exhale, gripping the platter of brownies her mom made as a gift. She the proceeded to walk to the side door, leading to the backyard where everyone was.

She didn't know why she was feeling so nervous. The Rogers weren't strangers. She practically grew up in this house. She knew not just Steve's parents, but his whole family, and they knew her. This would be just like visiting her own family, yet it wasn't. She didn't even really talk to Steve for almost a year.

As soon as she entered the backyard, she couldn't help but feel slightly out of place. She thought she could quickly turn back, no one had even noticed her arrival.

"Oh my gosh," she heard a woman's voice from across the yard, "Is that Elizabeth Sanchez?"

Elizabeth looked over to see Steve's mom, Sarah, rushing over with open arms. She was always so motherly. Elizabeth, welcomed her hug, hugging her back with one hand while the other one still clutched the container of brownies.

"Look at you," Sarah Rogers exclaimed, pulling away but keeping a grasp on Elizabeth's arms, taking her in, "College made such a fine young lady out of you."

Elizabeth couldn't help but to blush, she didn't think she looked that much different. If anything she had gained a few more pounds, and her hair was a bit of a mess, due to the New York humidity.

"Joseph, it's Elizabeth," she called out to her husband who was at the grill with one of Steve's uncles.

"My oh my, well isn't it little Elizabeth Sanchez, all grown up," he proudly smiled, hugging her.

Steve's parents were always so kind to her, like her parents they only had one child. She got the feeling that they saw her as another child, seeing as they were constantly feeding her throughout her youth.

"Your parents didn't come with you?" Joseph asked.

"No, they couldn't make it. They were driving up north to pick up my Grandma. But my mom did send these as an apology," Elizabeth held out the brownies.

"The famous Sanchez brownies," Sarah grabs the container, "Come on in sweetie, make yourself at home."

"Steve, Elizabeth is here," his mother calls into the yard.

Elizabeth looks in the direction his mother yelled into, and spotted Steve, who had a big smile on his face. He wasn't alone, he was with a few people they had went to high school with, and of course in the group was Bucky.

Elizabeth made her way to them all.

"You made it," Steve's smile got bigger, as he went to hug her.

"I told you I would," she said into his shoulder.

"Yeah, well," he pointedly said.

Steve didn't think Elizabeth would really come. He figured since she knew Bucky would be there, she would decide last minute to not go. He was very happy that she decided to not let that stop her. He couldn't help but watch her and she went around the group greeting the familiar faces. Then he felt someone staring at him, and turned to see Bucky watching him watch her.

Steve felt embarrassed when he caught the eyes of Bucky's looking right at him. He quickly played it off.

"Say hi," Steve mouthed to him.

Bucky hesitated for a second glancing back between Steve and Elizabeth. He felt sick. He's been waiting for this moment for awhile, and now all he wanted to do was to run away.

She looked different, the same but different. Steve was right, she seemed genuinely happy. College had brought this new aura to her, she was glowing. Bucky instantly felt guilty for all the pain he's caused her.

He felt a soft nudge to his right side, Steve pointed his head towards the girl that was standing in front of him.

"Uh hi," Bucky nervously said.

"Hi Bucky," she politely smiled.

She called him Bucky. She hadn't called him that since before senior year happened. Steve had mentioned that she had only called him James. He immediately relaxed.

"How have you been?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Good, I've been good," he stumbled over his words, "Yourself?"

"I've been really good," she smiled. This wasn't as bad as Elizabeth thought it's old be.

Before Bucky could respond, they heard a scream. They both turned to see an older Rebecca Barnes running towards them.

Rebecca was now 15 years-old. She came along way from being Bucky's little sister. Elizabeth had always seen Rebecca as the little sister she always wanted. When she and Bucky were dating she would often include Rebecca on their outings. She never wanted Rebecca to feel left out simply because she was the youngest.

After she and Bucky broke up, Elizabeth stopped seeing Rebecca as well. It was just too hard for her. Plus, it took her months to forgive Bucky.

"Rebecca," she laughed, as the young girl threw her arms around the older one.

"You look so good," Rebecca said, pulling away with a giant smile on her face. She no longer had braces, Elizabeth noted.

"Aw thanks, I see those braces finally came off."

"Yeah, just two weeks ago," she smiled even brighter.

Bucky couldn't help but watch the two girls catch up with smiles on their faces.

After they had broken up senior year Rebecca kept asking Bucky went to school in Brooklyn, Rebecca went to a science based school in Queens. She never heard the rumors, but Rebecca was smart and intuitive. When Natasha started coming around more, she put two and two together. She never told Bucky she knew the truth, she figured he was trying to protect her.

"How's California?" Rebecca asked, causing Bucky to tune back into their conversation.

"Amazing," Elizabeth smiled, "Stanford is everything I thought it would be and more. The people there are great as well."

"Any lucky person?"

Leave it to Rebecca to be nosey, Bucky thought.

"Nah," Elizabeth shook her head, "School has been my top priority. Being a pre-law major is a lot of work."

Elizabeth and Rebecca spent some time catching up before Rebecca left to go meet up with some friends in Queens.

"Do you want a drink?" Bucky asks her, holding up an unopened can of soda.

"Thank-you," she grabbed it. She took a look around to see that their group had left and were now mingling with other guests.

It was just her and Bucky in the corner of the yard.

"So," he said shifting on his feet.

"So," she opened the can of soda, causing a loud carbonation sound breaking the awkward silence.

"This is awkward," he nervously laughed.

"Just a little," she agreed.

"Listen-"

"It's all water under the bridge Bucky," Elizabeth interrupted him, "We aren't those people anymore. We're adults now. In college. I meant it when I wrote you that I wanted to move on from all of that. No hard feelings. Think we can do that without mentioning the past?"

"Yeah, I think we're could," he smiled.

"Good," she smiled back, and this time it wasn't a forced one.

"You really do look good," he complimented her, carefully watching her reaction.

"Thank-you," she blushed, looking down at her feet, "So do you. I see you've been following Steve's footsteps about going to the gym."

"Yeah," he blushed, scratching the back of his neck, "It's nothing compared to Steve's. The punk looks like he ate the old Steve. That Thor guy must be one hell of a trainer."

"Oh Thor, he's practically built like a God," Elizabeth giggles, "If you think Steve is big, Thor is a fucking planet."

Bucky laughed along with her.

"So how's school going?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Good actually," Bucky smiled, "I'm going to be taking some summer courses to get a jump start for next year."

"Perks of being so close to campus," she smiled, "Did you have good roommate?"

"Yeah, his name is Sam, he's also in the same Music Technology program as me," Bucky explained, "He's going to be visiting during summer, so hopefully you get a chance to meet him."

Everything was going smoothly throughout the night. Elizabeth found herself having a really great time. She even started to find herself missing Bucky while catching up with him.

She shook off the feeling. It had to be a natural way to feel, she and Bucky had known each other their whole lives, and this was their first time actually talking in over a year.

When the party was starting to dwindle down, Elizabeth felt it was the right time to go home.

"I'm going to get going," she said to Steve, going to hug him goodbye.

"Thanks for coming," he smiled into the hug, "Did you drive here?"

"No, I walked," she informs him, "One thing about the west coast, most things aren't in walking distance."

"Right, I suggested walking somewhere once to my roommate, and he looked at me like I was crazy," Steve laughed.

"Will you be alright walking on your own?" He asked.

"I've done it many times before," she said.

"Hey man, I'm gonna take off," Bucky walks over interrupting their conversation.

"Perfect, Liz was just leaving as well, maybe you can give her a ride," Steve suggested.

"Oh, I actually walked here," Bucky tells him.

"Even better, so did she," Steve smiled proudly.

"You okay with that?" Bucky turns to Elizabeth. He wanted to make sure he wasn't overstepping any invisible boundaries.

"Yeah, I mean we both are heading to practically the same location," she shrugs her shoulders.

Both of them finished saying their goodbyes and began their walk back home. This was the first time they've been alone in way over a year. No party or people to come join in on the conversations. Just Elizabeth and Bucky.

Elizabeth glanced up at the sky, as they walked. Brooklyn was abnormally quiet that night. I was so peaceful, she couldn't help but take it all in.

"I've missed Brooklyn," she says just above a whisper as to not disturb the peacefulness of the night.

"It's missed you," Bucky confesses looking right at her.

Elizabeth was taken back by his response, she glanced to her left to see Bucky staring right at her. She stopped walking. She couldn't pinpoint what she was feeling in that moment.

Bucky panicked, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he apologized.

Elizabeth remained quiet. Trying to process it all. Whatever move she mad will have some sort of lasting affect on both of them.

"If you want to walk ahead I understand," he says, "I'll wait here for five minutes before I begin walking again."

Elizabeth stared into those sad blue eyes. The eyes that always found their way back to her. Maybe this time everything would be different, she thought.

"Elizabeth," Bucky quietly calls, carefully placing his hand on her's. She snapped out of her thoughts, and instantly laced her fingers through his.

"It's all good," she smiled giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, "Let's continue walking."

Bucky couldn't fight the smile growing on his face, as they continued to walk hand in hand.

Once they had reached Elizabeth's house, they stopped outside of the the gated yard.

"So," Bucky said as they stood outside the gate, still holding hands.

"So," Elizabeth smiled, subtly biting her lower lip, "Do you want to come inside for a bit? My parents won't be back until tomorrow morning."

Elizabeth had no idea what came over her to invite Bucky inside. She knew it wasn't a harmless invitation. They both knew what would happen once that front door closed.

"God, I'm going to regret this later," Bucky mumbled, causing Elizabeth to be confused.

"As much as I would love to go inside," he carefully began, "and trust me Elizabeth, there's nothing I would love more. I just have to say no."

"Oh," she said feeling utterly rejected. She wasn't expecting that response.

"Please don't take it as a rejection," he quickly said, grabbing her other hand, "I really want to give us another try. And in order for that to work, I think it's best if we don't rush into it. Because we both know once that door closes, taking our time will go right out the window. And I don't want to screw this up, again.

"I love you, Elizabeth. I never stopped. So please, please know I want to prove to you how much I love you by taking our time. Getting to re-know these new versions of ourselves."

Elizabeth was shocked. Not in a bad way. Bucky has really grown up this past year. Everything he was saying made sense. Yet she still couldn't help but feel sort of disappointed.

"Okay," she smiled, "You're right let's take this slow. Start fresh."

"Thank-you for understanding," he smiled, proud of himself for having some willpower, "Can I take you out tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I would like that."

"Does seven work for you?"

"Seven is good," she nodded her head.

"Perfect, I'll see you at seven," he kissed her cheek before dropping her hands and walking across the street to his own house.

Elizabeth went inside and headed to her own bedroom. She flopped down onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She pulled out red phone and immediately called Wanda, placing the phone on speaker and putting it next to her head on her pillow.

"You're not getting laid," Wanda greeted.

"Hey, I tried," Wanda defended.

"Wait, really?" Wanda sounded surprised, "You tried having sex with Steve?"

"Not with Steve," she hesitated for a second.

"Please don't tell me," Wanda groaned already knowing who she was talking about.

Elizabeth remained silent.

"Did you try to have sex with James?" Wanda asked needing verbal confirmation.

"Yes," Elizabeth admitted, "Everything went great at Steve's. Bucky and I spent most the night catching up and just talking. It made me realize how much I missed him. Also wan't bad that he somehow got better in the last year. We then walked home together, and when we got to my house, I invited him inside."

"Look at you taking initiative!" Wanda cheered.

"Yeah, well I didn't have the lucky red dress to take it all the way."

"What happened?"

"He turned me down," Elizabeth confessed.

"What?" Wanda yelled, "He turned you down!"

"He actually had a good reasoning for turning me down."

"Which was?"

"He wants to take this slow," Elizabeth tells her, "He said he wants us to get reacquainted with each other. Get to know who we are now, as oppose to who we were. He doesn't want to ruin it."

"I mean it does make sense."

"He also might've said he still loves me," Elizabeth quietly said the last part.

"He still loves you?" Wanda gasped.

"Yeah."

"How do you feel about that?" Wanda curiously asks.

"Honestly," Elizabeth pauses, trying to get her thoughts under control, "It made me happy to hear."

"Do you still love him?"

"Yes?" Elizabeth said unsure, "Based on the way I felt tonight? Yes I still do."

"Based on before tonight?" Elizabeth questioned.

"I always kept Bucky in the farthest corner of my mind. You know," she says, "He had hurt me so bad that after I forgives him, I just kind of wanted to move on from it all.

"I didn't want to take that kind of energy with me to Stanford. But once I was back, here in Brooklyn, all these feelings kept creeping back. And I don't know if it's cause I'm back home, and it's this familiar type of love. Bucky was always my comfort. He played such a big part of my life. The good, and the bad. How does one forget all that?"

"Is it a bad thing to say that I knew he'd come back to me?" Elizabeth expresses.

There was a pause on the other side of the phone.

"No," Wanda finally spoke, "What you two had isn't something that can be easily erased. But..."

"But?"

"I know you've said you've forgive him for cheating on you," Wanda says, "and I do believe that you have. But do yo think you can actually put that behind you once everything starts back up again. Will you be able to look at him as your partner and not second guess whatever he tells you.

"And I don't meat to be harsh here, but I also think it's important to be realistic about it all. Because when summer ends you'll be back here, at Stanford. While Bucky stays there."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think through everything Wanda has said. She knows what she's saying isn't without reasons. Elizabeth had told Wanda everything that had happened, so of course she was only looking out for Elizabeth.

But the Bucky Elizabeth saw tonight was definitely not the Bucky she had left last fall. And it might be naive of her to think, but she knew him. She knew he wasn't a bad person. Even good people make mistakes. She knew she should have to do this for herself, no matter how many people thought it was a bad idea.

"I don't want him to haunt all of my 'what ifs'," she spoke, "This is something that I have to give another shot. Even after everything he's put me through, I do still love him Wanda. I can't just give up this chance at love."

"Like I said before, this is your life," Wanda says, "You gotta do what's best for you and only you know what that is. And you know I will always be here for you. You're stuck with me for life."

Elizabeth had never felt more relieved, she knew she didn't need Wanda's blessing, but to have it was nice.

___________________

Over the next month, Elizabeth and Bucky had been on many dates. This whole getting to know each other again was going really well. They had also both agreed not to be exclusive. It didn't make sense to rush into putting a label on it.

After the first two weeks they both started to get busy. Bucky was taking three fast track classes during the summer, so he was busty during the week, going from school then back home.

Elizabeth had gotten a summer job at a dental office. She was hired to help with scheduling appointments, and filing paperwork. The job paid more than any usual summer job an almost 19 year-old with hardly no experience could get. She had previously tutored for the doctor who owned it kids. So when she heard Elizabeth was looking for a job, she offered it to her on the spot.

She couldn't complain, yes some days were longer than others, but the money was good and she had the weekends off, which now were the only times she and Bucky were able to see each other.

It was another long day of work, and Elizabeth had spent the day dealing with unruly patients. All she wanted to do was take a bath, have pizza, and crash. But she then remembered she and Bucky had a date planned for that evening. She glanced at the clock on the wall. He would be here in an hour.

As much as she wanted to go out, she really didn't have the energy to. Plush, she didn't really want to see anyone.

She pressed the call icon next to Bucky's name on her phone.

"Hey Liz," he greeted. Bucky and everyone else back home had gotten into the habit of calling her by her new 'grown-up' nickname.

"Please don't be upset," she says.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Is it alright if we reschedule tonight's date," she says, "I just got home from work and I had a long day of dealing with rude people."

"Yeah of course," he tells her, he could hear just how exhausted she was, "Do you want me to bring over some food? We could could always have a night in."

"Thanks Buck, but I really just want to be along for the night," she tells him as she made her way into her room, "Is that okay?"

"Of course," he assured her, "I completely understand. I think Steve has the night off anyways, so think I'll head to his place for the night. Do you want to grab some lunch tomorrow during your lunch break?"

"That sounds perfect," she smiled, "Thanks again Buck."

"No worries. Have a good night."

"You too, tell Steve I said hi," she hung up the phone.

As she went to go put her bag down on her desk, her phone began to ring.

"Hey Wanda," she tiredly greeted her friend.

"Hey, everything okay?" Wanda asked, immediately sensing Elizabeth's mood.

"Just a long day, what's up?" She yawned.

"Just calling to ask you something."

"What's that?"

"You can say no first of all," Wanda clarified, "So I just got off of the phone with Thor and i was telling him about how I will be visiting you next week or the 4th of July, and well he kind of asked if he can come to New York as well."

"Oh," Elizabeth said, not expecting to hear that, "Are you asking for my permission, if your boyfriend can come?"

"Not my boyfriend, yet" Wanda sighs, "But yes. I guess he was also talking to Steve about visiting. He won't need to stay at your place either."

"Wanda, you don't have to ask me," Elizabeth assures her, "If Thor wants to come visit, he's more than welcomed to. I don't mind at all. Plus it'll be nice to see him."

"Oh, thank god," Wanda sighed in relief, "I just didn't want you to think that I don't want to spend time with you, because I do. I just don't want to be one of those girls that sneakily brings her boyfriend on a girl's trip. But don't worry, Thor is going to be doing his own thing with Steve. I am all your's for the weekend.

"Wanda it's okay. I know you aren't one of those girls. If you do become one of them, I'll make sure to save you."

"You're the best Liz," Wanda smiled, "Wait don't you have a date with Bucky tonight?"

"Not anymore, I cancelled," she says, "Too tired, Just want food and sleep."

"Ahh well, I'll let you go, enjoy your food and sleep, and I'll see you next week."

Elizabeth hung up the phone and decided to take advantage of the quiet house and take a bath before her parents got home from work.

As she entered her room, wearing a robe and her hair up in a towel, her phone began to ring.

"So much for a quiet time," she sighed, picking up the phone.

"Hey Steve what's up?"

"Sorry to bother you, I know you've had along day at work, but Bucky just bailed on me, something to do with Rebecca," he tells her, "And I'm outside of his house with a large pizza, and I don't want it to go to waste."

The other line went dead, Steve looked down at his phone to see that Elizabeth had hung up the phone. He hesitated for a second, thinking he should've just went home. As he was about to start his car up again, he heard his name being called. He looked across the street to find Elizabeth standing in her front door, in nothing but a robe.

"It better be a pepperoni pizza," she called out.

He laughed, and got out of his car with the large pizza in hand, "Only the best kind."

She moved out of the way to let him into the house, and lead him into the living room.

"Okay I'm going to head upstairs and put some clothes on," she says, "Make yourself at home, you know where everything is at."

"Sorry again about the drop in," Steve apologized once Elizabeth came back down with a fresh pair of clothes and hair brushed through.

"No worries, sorry Bucky bailed," she said sitting down next to Steve on the couch, "But his loss, is my pizza gain."

They spent the next hour devouring the pizza and watching a movie.

"So I hear Thor is visiting next week," she says, as she places her empty plate inside the empty pizza box, before making herself comfortable on the couch.

"Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to you about that," Steve says adjusting himself to face Elizabeth to his right, "Thor's parents have a house in the Hampton's, and they said we could use it for the 4th of July weekend. Not sure if you and Wanda already had plans, but you guys are more than welcome to join us."

"That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sure Wanda wouldn't mind either," she smiled, "Plus I have never been to the Hamptons."

"Then it's settled, weekend at the Hamptons," Steve smiled, "I believe Loki and Scott will be joining us as well. Bucky is also inviting his roommate Sam, and I was planning on inviting some of the kids we went to school with."

"Sounds like a party."

____________________

Elizabeth and Wanda drove up to East Hampton together. The boys drove up the night before to get everything set up.

"So how are things between you and Bucky?" Wanda asked lowering down the volume.

"Things have been okay," Elizabeth sighed, as she kept her eyes ahead as she drove.

"Just okay?" Wanda asked, "A month ago you couldn't stop talking about him. What changed?"

"We haven't had much time together the last week or so," Elizabeth says, "and he's been cancelling a lot on me this past week."

"Did you say he was taking summer courses?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth nodded.

"Then he's probably just busy," Wanda reassures her, "Now, look at it this way. You'll have four days to catch up. Plus, you'll have the lucky red dress."

"We're taking it slow, remember?"

"It's been a month and a half. Have you guys even kissed?" Wanda playfully joked.

"He wants to take it slow," Elizabeth quietly repeated.

"Wait!" Wanda yelled startling Elizabeth.

"Geez Wan, I'm driving!"

"You guys haven't even kissed yet!"

"He wants to take it slow!" Elizabeth yelled back.

"There's slow and then there's being a fucking nun. Is he a nun?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. It's not for lack of trying," Elizabeth stressed, "I've tried. Believe me, I've tried."

Wanda remained quiet, causing Elizabeth to get an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Why are you so quiet? You're never this quiet. Ever."

"I'm just thinking," Wanda says.

"Well please do share your thoughts."

"You guys haven't even kissed, does that not worry you?"

"Yes," Elizabeth confessed, "Of course it does."

"Do you think," Wanda pauses, "Now don't freak out when I ask this because we don't want to die, and we also don't know what's going on. But do you think he's seeing someone else?"

"I haven't even thought of that," Elizabeth says.

Wanda glances over and notices the far off look in Elizabeth's eyes.

"You know what, that wasn't a logical explanation," Wanda says trying to bring back her spiraling friend, "I'm sure Bucky is just busy."

"Yeah," Elizabeth agreed, but not really believing any of it.

____________________________

The girls arrived to the house an hour later, it was barely going to be noon. The rest of their car ride was no longer filled with talks of relationships, but just spent listening to music, and discussing plans for their new apartment. When they pulled up, they were in awe of the beautiful house. There was already two cars in the driveway, one belonging to Steve, and the other must've been Loki's rental. "How much money do those Odinsons have?" Wanda stated looking up at the house. The house was a white modern looking two-story farmhouse. The two car drive way, looked like a mini version of the house. It looked homey. "You're here!" They heard a booming voice yell, as they exited the car. They looked up to the front door to see Thor fast walking his way over to them. He quickly made his way to Wanda and took both girls by surprise by picking her up and kissing her. At least someone's getting kissed, Elizabeth thought smiling at how happy her best friend looked. "Hello to you too," Wanda smiled, once they pulled apart. "I've missed you," he grinned, placing her down gently, "Hi Elizabeth." "Hi Thor, nice to see you," she greeted him, as she opened the trunk of her car to get the bags out. "Here let me get those," he said, grabbing both suitcases from the trunk, "The boys are out back in the pool." Thor showed both girls to their room first before walking them out to the back to greet the rest of the boys. "Lizzy! Wanda!" Loki shouted, running over to both girls and throwing his arms around them both. "Finally some estrogen to balance out all of this testosterone," he whispered in their ears, causing both girls to giggle. Once they pulled apart they were greeted by Loki's boyfriend Scott Lang. "Hi Scott," both girls greeted, hugging him as well. Elizabeth looked past the patio area to the backyard, where the pool was placed in the middle of nothing but grass. A typical Hamptons backyard. She saw Steve, Bucky, and who she assumed to be Bucky's roommate Sam, emerging from the pool. "Hey, you guys made it," Steve smiled. "All in one piece." "Barely," Wanda whispered to Loki. "This is Wanda, my roommate from Stanford," she introduced, "Not sure if you met back then. Wanda this is Steve, and Bucky, and Sam, right?" "Correct," Sam answered extending his arm out to shake their hands, "Sam Wilson, the person who's had to put up with Bucky for almost a year." Elizabeth laughed, "So sorry you've had to deal with that." "Ha ha funny," Bucky rolled his eyes, shaking Wanda's hand. He looked over at Elizabeth about to go in for a hug, but stopping once he realized he was wet from the pool. He gave her a smile, and she returned it. "Oh, I forgot. Happy birthday Steve," Elizabeth announced, "I would hug you but your wet." "Thanks, Liz," he smiled. Elizabeth glanced over at Wanda who was raising her eyebrows teasingly. Elizabeth shook her head. "So what time is everyone arriving?" She asks. "We told everyone two," Loki said, "the catering staff should be hear soon. "Catering?" Wanda asked. "Our parents insisted, seeing as last time Thor tried to have a barbecue he almost burned down the house," Loki explains to them. "He's pretty and smart, he doesn't have to cook," Wanda defended him, "Also helps that he has a big di-" "Okay," Elizabeth clapped her hands interrupting Wanda from finishing that sentence, "We're going to go get ready." "We'll join you," Loki said, with Scott behind him following the girls upstairs to their shared room. "So that's Bucky?" Loki asked, throwing himself onto one of the beds while Scott closed the door behind them. "Yup." "He's hot," Scott stated. "Don't start fawning over him," Wanda raises her hand, "He hasn't even kissed her yet." "What?" Loki and Scott gasped. "Are you going to be telling everyone that?" Elizabeth asked, heading into the en-suite bathroom. "You brought the red dress right?" Scott asked Wanda, already knowing all about her lucky red dress. "Yes, nobody worry," Wanda says pulling out the red dress, "Our dear sweet Lizzy will be getting at least some action tonight. Even if it's the bare minimum."

__________________________

The party was going great, everyone had invited a mixture of friends. Some were from Elizabeth's high school, some of them had grown up with Thor and Loki. It was a good mix of people. And everyone was having a great time.

In the car ride Elizabeth had been nervous after her conversation with Wanda about Bucky, but all those worries went away once she had made her way back down after getting ready.

Bucky hadn't left her side, since then, and he was being more openly affectionate than before. There was still no kiss, but Elizabeth didn't have a doubt in her mind the night wouldn't be ending without one, maybe even a little more.

Thank you lucky red dress.

It was around eight pm when Thor suggested they start doing the fireworks, everyone in the neighborhood had started to as well. So everyone made their way into the front yard, some in chairs, some on the grass, and some just standing around.

Elizabeth was sitting on the lawn, looking up at the lit up sky. She looked to her right to see Steve admiring all the colors, she softly smiled at him and the way he looked so content and happy.

She looked to her left to find the spot Bucky was just at a minute ago empty. She took a quick look around and couldn't see him, she shrugged it off just assuming he was somewhere nearby or in the house. She knew he had difficulties with large crowds and sometimes he just needed to step away.

After twenty minutes, Bucky still wasn't back.

"Hey Steve, I'll be back, I'm going to go check on Bucky," she tells him before heading back into the house.

The house was quiet, since everyone was outside watching the fireworks. She checked the back and all of downstairs but couldn't find Bucky, even the catering crew were outside watching the fireworks.

Elizabeth headed upstairs, thinking Bucky probably went to find peace in his room. Bucky and Sam were sharing a room for the weekend, it was the first one to the right once you reached the top of the stairs.

As soon as Elizabeth reached the final step, the bedroom door opened up. She smiled thinking Bucky was going to walk out, but the smile dropped when she was greeted by not Bucky but Natasha Romanoff walking out.

Natasha hadn't noticed Elizabeth yet, she was smiling at the person walking out right behind her.

Bucky had a huge grin on his face, his hair was a mess and so was Natasha's. His smiled instantly dropped and his eyes widen once he noticed Elizabeth frozen at the top of the stairs.

So much for a lucky dress...

84 notes · View notes

albertasunrise · 3 years

Text

No More - Chapter 5

Summary: Frankie has been your best friend since you were in the 2nd grade. You were each other’s first’s, he, your first love and as you’d both gotten older you always somehow fell into bed together after one too many drinks with the boys. You don’t know how much longer you can keep this up but fate has other plans for you both and events are set in motion to decide for you.

Warnings: Angst, Unprotected Sex, Oral (F) 18+

Pairings: Frankie/ Reader

Your heart had been thundering in your chest when you when went to settle Emma down again. You couldn’t believe that you and Frankie had almost kissed. You couldn’t fall into that habit again, it wasn’t good for you and it wouldn’t be good for Emma. You started to wonder if staying really was a good idea. That maybe you should take Emma home but then you cast your mind back to why you were here in the first place. Frankie wants to help more with Emma but he also knew your anxiety about leaving her and so he’d done so much to accommodate you so that he could get more time with his baby girl.

You’d managed to get Emma settled again and made your way back downstairs, nerves bubbling in your stomach at the idea of facing him after that. Your nerves quickly disappeared when you found him asleep, his hat lying haphazardly on the ground from where it had fallen from his head. You smile at the sight and walk up behind him, gently shaking him on the shoulder.

‘Come one Frank let's go to bed.’ You say sweetly and he grumbles a little before cracking his eyes open and smiling at you.

‘At least buy me dinner first.’ He jokes and you can’t help but giggle at that.

‘Separate beds Perv.’ You joke ‘See you in the morning, Frankie.’ You finish as you turn and head back upstairs.

‘See you in the morning caríno.’ He whispers under his breath, watching as you slip away.

He barely slept that night. Emma went the rest of the night without stirring and he was delighted when he stepped into her room the next morning that he finds her laying there smiling up at him. Scooping her into his arms, he lays a sweet kiss on the top of her head before taking her downstairs to start breakfast. He warmed her bottle as she squealed and squeaked on the floor of her pen, throwing her soft toys around in delight. Whilst he waited for her bottle to finish he pulled out the fresh fruit he bought for today along with some yoghurt. He turned on the oven and grabbed the part-baked pastries he'd tracked down in his local store, knowing you’d appreciate a maple pecan with your coffee this morning. The ding of the warmer sounded and he grabbed the bottle from the machine before heading over to Emma’s pen and picking her up, sitting himself down on the couch as she started to suckle at it with eagerness.

‘Goodness you're hungry this morning Hermosa.’ He chuckles as her legs kick and her eyes grow comically wild, draining the bottle in no time at all.

When she’s done he throws a towel over his shoulder to burp her as he fires up the coffee machine and pulls two mugs out of the cupboard. He surprises himself how quickly he falls into a natural routine with Emma, easily tending to her whilst doing the other bits he needed to do. When she was sorted he quickly changed her diaper and placed her back in her pen, one eye always trained on her whilst he sorts breakfast.

‘It smells freaking amazing in here.’ You say as you rub your tired eyes.

Emma squeals in delight when she sees you and her hands start to grab at you as you scoop her up to bid her good morning.

‘Have you and daddy had a nice morning so far?’ You ask sweetly, noticing the empty bottle on the side.

‘She’s been fed, burped and changed so I’d say her day’s started off well.’ He replies, smiling as you carry her towards him ‘Can’t say the same for your bears though hey Bean?’

Frankie serves up breakfast whilst you swoon over your daughter but it doesn't escape your notice of how natural this all feels. You’d never expected that you’d have a baby with your childhood best friend but a part of you was glad that you had. He knew you in ways no one else could. Had seen you at your most vulnerable and held you up through some of the toughest times of your life and you’d done the same for him. Yet you were in love with him and he was not in love with you so you had to focus on Emma, on the thing that had made your life so full for the first time in so long. You could not let yourself be swept up by him again. You had a baby together, that was it, nothing more and that’s all it would ever be. You just needed to accept that.

‘So I thought maybe I’d go out and do some food shopping today.’ You state, watching Emma out the corner of your eye as you munch on your maple pecan.

‘Oh okay.’ Frankie answers, unable to hide that he was a little dejected by that.

‘Emma’s always very fussy at the supermarket. Hates sitting in the trolly.’ You pause to take a sip of your coffee ‘So I thought maybe I could leave her here with you whilst I run my errands.’

The look he gives you was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. His big brown eyes start to water as he looks at you, a little unsure whether you were serious or not about leaving her.

‘Are you sure?’ He asks ‘I mean I would love nothing more than to have her but I don’t want you to feel anxious.’

‘I’m sure.’ You reply with a smile ‘How does that sound Emma? Day with daddy!.’

She lets out an excitable squeal and you both chuckle ‘I think she likes the sound of that.’

You’d be lying if you said that walking out of that door and leaving Emma behind wasn't the hardest thing you’d had to do since becoming a mum. The look on Frankie’s face as he held her in his arms to say goodbye had made that all worth it. After a while, you found that actually, it was a lot easier to do what you needed to do without a 4-month-old. As you browsed through the isles of the supermarket you were able to focus on what you needed rather than what Emma was doing and you found yourself feeling a little guilty for enjoying your time without her.

‘Hey.’ Came a familiar voice and you turn your head to see Brad smiling back at you.

‘Oh my god, Brad! Hi.’ You say as you pull him into a friendly hug ‘How have you been?’

‘Good actually.’ He replies ‘I moved back a few weeks ago.’

‘Yeah, I saw on Facebook.’ You reply, unable to stop yourself admiring how good he looked.

‘And I saw that you had a baby!’ He said, his eyes glancing to your trolly and finding it empty ‘Where is she?’

‘She’s with her dad.’ You reply ‘First outing without her.’ You giggle nervously.

‘How is Frankie?’ He asks, his eyes raking over you as he speaks.

‘Yeah, he’s good.’ You reply ‘Think he’s turned a corner in his recovery after the accident. He adores Emma too. Real natural with her. ’

‘So are you two?...’

‘Together?’ He nods and you chuckle ‘No we're not. We have a baby together but that’s it.’

‘Is it wrong to say I’m glad?’

You blush at his question, trapping your lip between your teeth ‘No.’

‘Look, how would you like to have dinner tonight? I have this really expensive beef joint that’s way too much for just one person. Maybe a night away might do you some good.’

‘I don’t know Brad I-’

‘It’s just dinner between two old friends.’ He says innocently ‘I’m sure Frank would love to have her all to himself for the night.’

You thought about it for a moment. Frankie would love to have her, you know that for a fact and what is dinner between two friends?

‘Sure okay.’ You reply, smiling at him.

‘Great I’ll text you my address.’ He says excitedly ‘Shall we say seven?’

‘Sounds great.’ You reply, grinning at him as he kisses your cheek and bids you farewell.

You finish off your shopping and head home to unpack it all. Your a little nervous about tonight. You and Brad had remained on good terms after the two of you broke up but you hadn’t seen him since graduation. Only pictures of him on social media of his travels and expensive cars. You pop up to Emma’s nursery and pack her a bag, excited to tell Frankie he can have her for the night. When you arrive back at Frankie’s house you find him and Emma on the floor, her asleep on his chest as he uses one of her stuffed toys as a pillow. His eyes crack open when he hears you enter and he smiles when you sit down on the couch across from him.

‘That doesn’t look comfortable.’

‘Well we were playing flying baby and we both got tired so-’

‘Flying baby huh?’ You chuckle.

‘She’s a pilot at heart.’

‘So listen.’ You start, smiling as you speak ‘I bumped into a friend whilst I was out and he’s invited me round for dinner tonight. I wondered if maybe you’d like Emma for the night.’

‘He?’

That wasn’t the reaction you were expecting.

‘Yeah.’ You reply ‘Brad has moved back to town and we got chatting... He asked me over. I actually enjoyed a little downtime without the baby so I thought maybe dinner with a friend would do me good.’

‘Right.’ He replies as he sits up, holding Emma against him as he gets to his feet ‘Well yeah I’d love to have her and you deserve to have a night off.’ You can tell his answer isn’t genuine but you accept it.

‘Great well everything you’ll need is in there.’ You state ‘Some bottles in the cooler. I’m off tomorrow so I’ll come and get her midmorning.’

‘Okay.’ He replies plainly, giving you a small smile ‘Have a nice evening.’

You thank him and say your goodbyes to Emma, your heart tugging a little at the idea that you’d be away from her for the whole night. Jumping back in your car you make your way home again to get ready for this evening, opting to wear a nice pair of black jeans and a smart sweater. You knew this was only dinner with a friend but you wanted to make an effort. You had finally managed to get back to your pre-baby weight and were over the moon that you could once again fit into your old clothes, the idea of buying new stuff was abhorrent to you. Brad only lived a five-minute drive from you and you could feel the nerves fluttering in your stomach as you parked up on his drive. His house was beautiful and well kept, A large Mercedes SUV sitting proudly in the drive that put your small Volvo SUV to shame. He greeted you at the door, giving you a kiss on the cheek before welcoming you inside. The smell of food filled your senses and you found your mouth watering as he guided you into a simply decorated dining room, the food already laid out and waiting.

‘I wasn’t sure if you were allowed to drink so I bought some non-alcoholic beverages.’ He chuckles ‘I have no idea what this wine will taste like.’

‘Thank you.’ You reply ‘That’s really thoughtful. I can have a drink or two this evening though. I pump so she’s stocked up for now.’

‘Great.’ He says as he pours you a glass of red ‘Take a seat.’

The conversation flows easily over dinner. He tells you about his work and you tell him about yours. He’s travelled a lot since leaving college but never found anyone with whom he’d like to settle down with. After clearing away the food and filling up the dishwasher you settle in the lounge, curling up into his plush couch as he speaks.

‘I’d really like to meet someone now and start a family.’ He states as he takes a sip of his wine ‘I mean all my friends are settling down and having kids now and here I am. The eternal Batchelor!.’

‘I’m sure there’s a girl out there for you.’ You chuckle.

‘I think so,’ He replies, eyes locked with yours. ‘You been dating at all?’ He asks, doing nothing to hide the curiosity in his tone.

‘No.’ You reply with a laugh ‘I have a four-month-old baby that was a month premature. She’s more or less caught up now but… Well, let's just say there wasn’t a lot of time to meet people.’

‘You and Frankie haven’t thought about trying to make a go of things?’

‘He spoke about it but I know he’s only saying it because we have a baby together.’ You reply, taking another swig of your drink ‘I can’t put myself through that. I need to know that there are feelings there.’

‘That’s fair enough.’ He replies as he places his glass down on the table beside him and shuffles closer to you.

You can feel your heart start to race a little, your mouth going dry from the way he’s looking at you and suddenly you don’t know where to look.

‘So Emma was premature?’ He asks, noting your nervousness.

‘Yeah.’ You reply ‘I was in the car with Frankie when he had the accident. Brought on early labour and I had to have an emergency C-section.’

‘Shit.’ He replies, looking a little shocked at this ‘But you’re okay though right?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ You reply with a smile ‘And I have a badass scar from the Caesarean.’ You finish with a wink.

‘I think I’d like to see that.’ He states, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he leans closer to you.

You feel your breath catch in your throat as his lips gently press against yours, soft and sweet from the wine that he’d just been drinking. You place your own glass down as he starts to deepen the kiss, his tongue tracing the seam of your lips and you moan against his mouth as you allow him entry. The kiss got hot and heavy quickly and soon you found yourselves pulling each other’s clothes off as his mouth plants hot, wet, kiss down your neck. He lays you back and admires you, fingers running over the stretch marks that still painted your skin and then along the fading scar on your belly.

‘That is a pretty badass scar.’ He states as he starts to trail kisses from your breasts down to your core ‘You’re already so wet.’ He smirks upon seeing the damp patch on your navy undies.

‘Yes.’ You moan as he places a kiss over your underwear before hooking his fingers under the elastic and pulling them down.

You barely have a chance to ready yourself before he’s licking a long stripe up your slit and circling his tongue around your swollen bundle of nerves.

‘FUCK.’ You tell, hips jerking as you desperately try to get more friction.

He gets to work on your core. Eating you like a man starved as he pushes two fingers into your heat and curling them just right. As your moans get louder and your breathing quicker, he pumps harder. You can feel yourself getting closer and your grab hold of his hair as you cum against his mouth, screaming his name as he works you through it.

‘Please.’ You beg as you pull him into a sloppy kiss, the taste of yourself on his tongue just making you want him more.

In one swift movement he’s seated inside you and you moan in unison as you adjust to the feeling of his intrusion.

‘Move.’ You plead and he does, angling his hips perfectly and you soon find yourself barreling towards orgasm number two.

You scream his name as you cum again, nails digging into his muscular back as he continues to fuck you with agonising precision.

‘Sit.’ You order in his ear as you push him off of you.

You straddle him and lower yourself onto his length, grabbing his strong shoulders as you start you bounce on his lap. You can feel another one coiling deep inside your core and your bite down hard on your lip as his finger finds your clit, bringing on the most intense one yet that pulls him along with you.

‘Fuck.’ You pant as you collapse against him, chest heaving as he places kisses along your shoulder. ‘You've learned a few things.’ You chuckle, pulling back to look at him.

‘So have you.’ He replies with a wink before pulling you into another kiss ‘Fuck I came in you!’

‘I’m on the pill.’ You chuckle, kissing him again ‘We’re good.’

‘Fancy some ice cream?’

‘Definitely.’ You exclaim as you climb off of him, admiring his form as he walks off naked into the kitchen.

He comes back a few minutes later with a tub of cookie dough and two spoons, kissing you sweetly as he settles down beside you again.

‘So would you like to stay over?’ He enquires, smirking at you ‘Could try that again if you like.’

‘I would definitely like to try that again.’

You wake to two strong arms wrapped around you and you smile as you think about last night’s activities. You’d had sex twice more before heading to bed, once in the shower and once in bed before drifting off into a blissful slumber.

‘Good morning.’ Brad rumbles beside you, kissing your neck as his hand cups your sex ‘Fuck you’re so sexy in the morning.’

‘Not too bad yourself.’ You reply as you roll onto your back, kissing him sweetly.

You gasp as he pushes two thick fingers into your heat, once again curling them perfectly and he fucks you with his fingers whilst kissing you with a passion you’d not felt in a while. You cum hard around his digits before pulling him on top of you and grabbing his length.

‘Fuck me now.’ You breathe against his lips as you pump him a few times, gasping as he pushes inside you.

‘Fuck.’ He whines as he starts to thrust, a little more lazily than last night.

It's a torturous pace and you soon find yourself getting fidgety, hands grabbing his toned ass as you try to get him to go deeper.

‘Harder.’

That's all he needs to lose himself completely, grabbing your leg and wrapping it around his waist as he pounds you with newfound energy. You cum together and he collapses into your arms, gently kissing your neck as you both come down from your high.

‘Do you want to stay for breakfast?’

‘Yeah.’

Frankie was watching TV with Emma when you go to collect her. Stepping inside you announce your arrival and pop your bags down before heading into the lounge and plopping yourself down beside them.

‘How was your evening?’ He asks as he turns his head to look at you.

‘Was great.’ You reply, grinning like an idiot ‘We uh… We had a lot of fun.’

‘Looks like.’ He scoffs and you give him a confused look.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘We’ll you clearly fucked him.’ He growls.

‘What?’

‘If your neck is anything to go by, it looks like he tried to have you for dinner.’ He mumbles, standing to grab a bottle for Emma.

‘So what if we did?’

‘I thought it was just dinner between friends.’ He snaps, unable to hold back his anger.

‘We had dinner, we talked and we fooled around.’ You shrug nonchalantly 'We have history so it's not like we're strangers or anything.'

‘Was it even any good?’ He spits ‘Was a bit of a selfish lover back in school if I remember.

‘Well I fucked him 3 times last night and twice this morning so I’d say it was good.’ You snarl, venom dripping from every word.

‘You haven’t been home?’ His expression changes and the hurt starts to fall through the cracks now.

‘No.’ You say plainly and he turns his back, unable to look at you ‘Why do you even care Frankie?’ You yell as you stalk into the kitchen ‘Why does it matter to you who I fuck.’

‘Because I’m in love with you.’ He shouts, cradling a now crying Emma against his chest ‘I’m in love with you.’ He repeats, tears now streaming down his cheeks.

Chapter 6

#frankie morales #francisco morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #Frankie Morales Fanfiction #Frankie Morales x you #Frankie Morales x reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfiction #Pedro Pascal characters #pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro pascal

53 notes · View notes

thebibliomancer · 3 years

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers Annual #12: MOONRISE

September, 1983

Earth’s Mightiest Heroes battle -- the Moon’s Mightiest Heroes... The Uncanny Inhumans!

With the population of the Moon being just the Inhumans plus Uatu, that’s kind of an overly narrow superlative.

But I do love this cover! The Avengers all forming a big A? Good stuff!

So the timeline of this annual is all kinds of screwed up.

It was released in September and published in November (whatever that means) but its supposed to pre-date Fantastic Four #254.

FF #254 and Avengers #232 overlap. In fact, FF #254 coming out in May and Avengers #232 share the scene where She-Hulk bonks off an invisible wall with what seems to be the same dialogue.

But despite meeting Reed in this Annual, he doesn’t recognize new Captain Marvel in Fantastic Four #256.

But this has to happen before Avengers #233 and FF #254-256. Due to changes that are going to take place in and after that story but also has the FF show up in costume changes that will take place during the listed period.

Its also weird from the Avengers standpoint because Starfox is part of the Avengers in this annual but he just joined in #232 and got sent on his first mission which happens at the same time as She-Hulk is bonking off that invisible wall.

So it makes no sense anywhere but I’ll cover it here to get it out of the way so I can cover Avengers #233 and FF #254-256 in one post, heavily summarizing down on the FF as its not as relevant.

So long story short: this issue fits weirdly in the timeline but lets get it over with.

The issue starts with the Avengers being secretly escorted before the UN Security Council FOR THE TRIAL INFORMAL HEARING OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR!

Why?

Reasons.

Inhuman-related reasons.

In an area usually masked with lunar dust, the SHIELD space platform discovered a whole ass city on the Moon, distinct from the whole ass city that already existed on the Moon.

A city full of all kinds of fantastical life.

Guy who is not Gyrich: “Clearly, the region heretofore known only as the Blue Area, is not only habitable -- it is inhabited by a race of beings possessed of incredible science, technology, and, it appears, superhuman powers! Beings, honored ambassadors, who are not human!”

Ambassador Gregorovich: “Da! Inhabiting Earth’s Moon in a strategic orbital position -- but not human!”

Mr Fantastic: “No, Ambassador Gregorovich, the occupants of the city of Attilan are not human. They are... the INHUMANS!”

Reed... why do you think this is helpful?

He then decides to give their entire ass backstory. Explaining how they were humans once but then aliens came and did some experiments on early human and created a genetic offshoot who became known as the Inhumans.

How the Inhumans kept their numbers low and avoided contact with humans by hiding in various places, including the Himalayas.

The Chinese ambassador complains that the Fantastic Four knew about this entire ass city in China’s backyard but didn’t report it.

Reed defends the decision because the Inhumans just wanted to be left alone. And also that for a long while the city was stuck under a dome and incapable of posing a threat to the outside world.

How when the dome was broken by Black Bolt’s mighty voice, the Inhumans continued to want to be left alone but were eventually attacked by a group called the Enclave while at the same time being struck weak to a mysterious illness called POLLUTION.

And how to escape POLLUTION, the Inhumans just fuckin’ moved their entire ass city to the Moon.

Cap: “The perfect solution!”

Wasp: “Was it, Cap?”

She-Hulk: “If it were, I have a hunch we wouldn’t be here today!”

Heh. Love the peanut gallerying.

The Security Council objects too because the FF enabled a secret super human race to live on the Moon, which is a great strategic location for attacking the Earth. Just look at any number of sci-fi.

Of course, this argument is slightly undermined by the Inhumans and their ridiculously long track record of minding their own business.

It’s pretty notable that when modern human pollution threatened their entire race, they just shrugged and moved to the Moon.

But despite that, the Security Council needs reassurance that the Inhumans pose no threat to Earth.

The Fantastic Four offer to go to the Moon and talk to the Inhumans but the Security Council says no on the basis of ‘you’ve done enough already’ and says that the Avengers will go instead.

I was wondering what any of this had to do with the Avengers!

I’m actually surprised that the entire Security Council agrees to send the Avengers. Earlier, Ambassador Gregorovich was complaining that Security Council had called American Superhero Team Avengers to the hearing of American Superhero Team the Fantastic Four.

You’d expect him to at least insist that some Russian superheroes be sent too.

Which would be cool, honestly.

The Soviet Super-Soldiers had been introduced a couple years before. Coulda done a combination Soviet Super-Soldiers and Avengers mission. Or heck, superheroes from each member of the Security Council.

I understand why Mantlo didn’t do that since this is pretty much a done in one Avengers vs Inhumans slugfest and what I”m proposing really complicates things. But he also created the Super-Soldiers so it just feels like it works.

Anyway, the Security Council sends the Avengers on a fact finding mission to determine whether the UN will enter into a treaty with the Inhumans on the Moon.

As ya do.

The Avengers travel to the MOON in one of the space quinjets that they have for flying to the Moon.

Also, at some point they picked up Scarlet Witch and Vision. I guess for the former’s ties to the Inhumans through Quicksilver.

The Avengers are met on the MOON by the Inhumans Royal Family, aka the only important ones. I know that there’s an entire city of these dinguses but whenever anyone says “the Inhumans” they usually just mean the royal family.

Anyway, its been a while since the Avengers and Inhumans had a get together, so Cap introduces the Inhumans to the Newest Avengers: She-Hulk, Captain Marvel (2.0), and Starfox.

We get some New To This Sort of Thing from Monica as she marvels, captainly, that she’s actually on the Moon!

Then Crystal shows off her new baby Luna. Named for the Moon. Like how sometimes people name babies Gaia, no doubt. Or Tara.

She-Hulk: “Quicksilver and Crystal’s baby? Oh, gee! She’s so... cute!”

Wasp: “You sound almost envious, She-Hulk!”

Wasp, pls. Just let Jen compliment someone’s baby without ascribing motives.

Quicksilver also has an awkward greeting with Scarlet Wanda and Vision.

Because actually they were on the Moon recently. Where they learned that Magneto Is Secretly Wanda and Pietro’s Father.

And Wanda is not really ready to come to terms with that.

If she waits long enough, she’ll never have to because the retcon pendulum swung the other way eventually and now he’s not their father. And since he was an albatross hanging around their necks, necks that weren’t unburdened by albatrosses already, I can’t say I’m upset about it.

And Also: he never did any parenting of them. He swooped in when they were full ass grown adults and tried to act like their relationship meant anything aside from the whole coercing into terrorism and making Wanda sexy dance for him parts.

Most of the people that are big upset that Magneto was retconned away from being their dad never gave a shit about the man who actually raised them.

Poor Django Maximoff.

Anyway, that’s a long rant to establish that now is when John Byrne’s masterplan to have Magneto and Quicksilver related because they have the same haircut finally came to fruition.

His plan to make Sandman and Norman Osborn related is still pending at the time of this issue.

And the impact of that (Magneto reveal) is a recent bombshell to Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, and Vision.

It doesn’t really affect anything in this issue though.

Annnyway.

Medusa asks whether the Avengers really popped up to the Moon for a social call but Cap says sadly no.

That they’re here because the various Earth governments aren’t happy that the Inhumans are looking down on them from space.

Gorgon and Karnak are a bit upset about this because they had to flee Earth because of all the human pollutions humans were polluting and now humans have sent people to hassle them at their change of address.

Wanda and Wasp smooth things over by saying that they’re just here to assure each other that humans (and mutants and etc) and peacefully coexist with Inhumans across the small vastness of space.

Black Bolt steps forward to react to this offer by doing a shrug which is interpreted as the open hands of peace and friendship.

Wasp: “The open hands of peace and friendship? We’ll tell the nations of Earth they’ve nothing to fear, Black Bolt!”

Cool beans.

Although, I’m pretty sure that the UN expected more than a... uh... ‘we cool?’ exchange.

I believe the term used was “fact-finding mission.” But whatever.

Lets instead talk about fashion, briefly.

Most of the Avengers and Inhumans are wearing the sort of thing that they always wear. But Wasp is wearing an outfit I’ll call ‘the Magneto variant of her ripoff Molecule Man costume.’

The one usually in green and purple except its in red and purple. It looks good on her. But her new (80s?) haircut looks good too. Its maybe a lady’s mullet? But whatever it is, Janet is rocking it.

On the other hand we have She-Hulk who is wearing an aerobics-chic type costume complete with legwarmers. She also was interested in an aerobics instructor job several issues ago. I do not know what’s going on with her lately.

The 80s, maybes.

The Inhumans take the Avengers on a tour of Moon Attilan wherein Lockjaw becomes very enamored with Starfox and would, if this were a modern comic where sensibilities have shifted more crass, probably try humping his leg.

He is very fond of Eros.

Anyway, the Inhumans decide to take the Avengers to the Royal Crypt because I don’t know.

Its kind of morbid for a tour of the city to show the Avengers the crystal coffin that contains the dead, deceased body corpse of Maximus (the Mad). Like, what the heck, the Inhumans.

I guess its important for plot reasons to establish that its here.

But what the heck, the Inhumans??

Medusa exposits that Maximus is the one who initiated the Enclave attack on Attilan that preceded moving to the Moon! But while all of the Inhumans were stricken with pollution sickness, Maximus seemingly had a change of heart and turned against the Enclave, saving Attilan at the cost of his own life.

Maximus is very like a dumber, less charismatic Loki in a lot of most of the ways.

Having doomed and then saved the Inhumans, they honor him by putting him in a crystal box right at the front of the crypt so everyone can look at it.

Weird.

When the Inhumans and Avengers are leaving the crypt, Lockjaw becomes confused and intrigued by a familiar scent from the crystal box and then doggy glares suspiciously at Black Bolt.

Then, as the doors to the crypt are shut, Maximus’ eyes open as he screams internally forever.

So that’s a thing.

A kind of easy to unravel the mystery of thing.

Because, just saying, the Inhumans have the same plots over and over. And I mean narrative plots and scheme plots.

With everything be settled forever by one tour where they looked at a dead body and the Inhumans definitely being no threat to Earth at all ever no way, She-Hulk vows that she’ll use all of her legal experience to present a brief to the UN defending the Inhumans’ right to inhabit the Moon.

In fairness, I don’t think they signed the treaty saying not to weaponize space so...

Now: its time to party down.

Annnnnd its kind of a half-hearted affair.

Half the people are standing around moodily instead of partying. Like Quicksilver and Medusa are glaring at each other. Black Bolt is doing what Black Bolt do and just sitting on his throne.

I know he can’t talk but he can dance, right? Or does that shatter mountains too?

In fact, only She-Hulk and Triton are dancing and Triton is ruining it by making fish puns.

Wait, this side of the party looks a lot cooler!

What the heck, was there an option to have this sweet butterfly lady as a recurring Inhuman all along and they never took it? What the heck!

Anyway, a few of the background Inhumans including sweet butterfly lady are all over Starfox and his come-hither psychic powers.

Meanwhile, Cap takes some time to stare at Black Bolt not enjoying himself.

Scarlet Witch goes over to Medusa and verbally notices she looks bummed. She confesses that Black Bolt has become aloof and distant since they came to the... Moon...

HOW THE HECK WOULD YOU TELL?

Anyway. Wanda tells Vision she’s concerned for those two crazy kids but Vision wants nothing to do with anyone else’s drama.

Scarlet Witch: “Vision, I’m concerned for Medusa and Black Bolt.”

Vision: “As am I... But it is their affair... For them to resolve. We are here simply as ambassadors of peace, my wife, nothing more.”

Scarlet Witch: “But...”

Vision: “Nothing more.”

She-Hulk decides that the thing to do at a party is obviously to go pet the host’s dog. I mean, that’s why people socialize, right? To pet dogs?

But Lockjaw is upset over something and teleports next to Black Bolt so he can growl in his general direction.

The narration says “But what Lockjaw knows... he dares not tell... yet.”

I hope this isn’t during the period where it was canon that Lockjaw wasn’t an Inhuman dog, he was an Inhuman that looked like a dog that everyone treated as a pet despite being as intelligent as any of them.

That was a weird time.

Thankfully retconned to be just a prank that Karnak and Gorgon were pulling on the Thing.

Weird prank but sure.

Later, after the party, Medusa wakes from a fitful sleep to stare dramatically into the night and drama fret over the rift growing between her and Black Bolt.

But Black Bolt has gone to the crypt where he leans in to speak to Maximus’ crystal coffin.

Weirdly, him speaking doesn’t break everything like it usually is known to do.

Perhaps a cluuuue.

Black Bolt (?) asks Maximus (?) if he’s sleeping well and then tells him he must be off to the secret staircase hidden under the crystal coffin.

As ya do.

Elsewhere, Scarlet Witch wakes with a start because her vaguely magically mutant powers have given her a DREAM VISION OF EARTH UNDER ATTACK

Also: I’m always amused when the comic remembers that Vision’s costume is a costume that he can take off. Enjoy some Vision fanservice.

Vision tries to tell Wanda that it was just a dream and that she shouldn’t be afraid of dreams because Logic but then Captain America runs by the room shouting AVENGERS ASSEMBLE because a distress call came from SHIELD about the EARTH being UNDER ATTACK.

Just like Wanda’s dream.

Maybe try not to invalidate Wanda, Vizh.

Anyway, moon rocks are being flung at Earth and you’ll never guess from where!

From the Moon!

The Avengers are obviously not really but kinda implying that the Inhumans might know something about it

But before pointing fingers, Wasp tells Thor to go intercept the moon rocks since he’s the only one fast and buff enough to do it. Also he can hold his breath like a real long time.

Because, yeah, he explicitly has to take a deep breath of Moon air before launching into space.

Out in space, Thor sees where the moon rocks are being launched from (doesn’t look like from Attilan so that’s something) but he’s too busy launching Mjolnir to pulverize some rocks and punching other rocks to follow them to their source.

Also, onslought.

That’s possibly a typo but I like to believe that onslought is just how its spelled in Marvel so that Onslaught is an even stupider name.

But the onslought of rocks is too rapid for Thor to make any headway. For every rock he shatters, there’s two more behind it.

So he’s out of the plot and punching rocks for a while.

Meanwhile, now its the time to point fingers.

The Inhumans are getting pretty defensive at the suggestion that the moon rocks that are being launched from the moon might be from the moon and therefore that the Inhumans might possibly be involved as they are the only ones who live on the Moon except Uatu. And Uatu wouldn’t launch a moon rock unless he could find a way that it wouldn’t be counting as interfering.

Like maybe if it landed on Frank Castle’s family.

Gorgon: “I do not like being accused of betrayal, Karnak!”

Quicksilver: “Nor do I like hearing my adopted home slandered!”

She-Hulk: “Yeah, well, names won’t hurt you -- but those moonstones are gonna break Earth’s bones!”

Unlikely! Definitely be an extinction event but Earth has strong bones.

Also, what a weird thing to say, She-Hulk!

So in quick defense of the Inhumans who are probably obviously not behind this: if they were going to throw rocks at Earth, they’re definitely smart enough to wait until the Avengers are home instead of doing it while they’re within range to punch.

They’re slightly too smart for that.

Crystal asks Scarlet Witch and Vision to mediate since they have ties on both sides but Black Bolt arrives before any mediation can happen.

And Black Bolt clears everything right up!

By declaring war on Earth and ordering the execution of the Avengers!

Yup, no ambiguity there!

But surely, the Inhumans won’t just jump to obey an unjust order, right? Surely, they will object and demand an explanation for this new course of action that’s practically a 180 from his previous position?

Hahah, of course they don’t. These fucking idiots.

Gorgon: “If Black Bolt commands undying enmity between our races, it must be with reason!”

God.

So while the Avengers are still trying to be like ‘lets use our words, people’ the Inhumans just leap right into attacking.

Even Lockjaw jumps forward and locks his jaws on Cap’s shield.

Pietro frets, not knowing where he fits in.

Quicksilver: “Where do I stand? I am not an Inhuman, but a mutant! My child is human, tied to Earth!”

Crystal: “But Attilan is your home, my husband!”

Unspoken: ‘And what the fuck, I’m your wife!’

Quicksilver is convinced though and runs into the fray. Wanda protests so obviously Crystal starts attacking her.

Wow, the Inhumans come off as dicks in this.

So some pointless fight scene summarization.

Starfox ends up rolling around on the ground with Triton where Starfox gives Triton an orgasm. I assume. He pleasure blasts his brain making the guy laugh uncontrollably and collapse into a fountain. And then Triton gets Starfox all wet. By splashing him with the fountain water.

Quicksilver tries to punch Captain Marvel but she’s faster than him.

Because she can go lightspeed.

In fact, she makes him look like a dumb joke just dodging around and then punching him in the back of the head. And also, like, he’s the resident speedster of Marvel and he looks like a slow joke next to Monica Rambeau and Silver Surfer. And they had him flight Flash once and that was like Flash was challenging a baby to a fist fight, just remarkably mismatched.

But since there’s kind of a back and forth dealie going on, he spins her right round like a record round round round by running around her real fast when she makes the mistake of standing still.

Meanwhilelsewhere, Vision goes up against Karnak. And trash talks Karnak about how dumb it is trying to punch an intangible or diamond man. And then he fists Karnak with that fist thing he does sometimes. But Karnak vibrates his hand so he can smack intangible Vision.

Yup.

But nearby, Cap is still trying to wrestle his shield out of Lockjaw’s mouth and the dog flings him into Karnak, knocking the guy down.

The fight turns for the Avengers. She-Hulk punches out Gorgon quipping “steel toes can’t compensate for a glass jaw!”

Captain Marvel blasts out some of her energy, which knocks Quicksilver on his ass.

Annnnnd. Wasp never bothered to fight Medusa. Because designated girl fights are passe. But mostly because eh fuck it.

Wasp: “What of us, Medusa? Are we to fight, too? Will you blindly obey Black Bolt -- though you know some force upon the Moon is attacking Earth? Don’t you owe it to yourself to find out who -- and why... rather than accept the rash dictate of your leader that this battle must go on?!”

Medusa: “Though we have chosen Black Bolt as our king, Wasp, every Inhuman of the Royal Family is of equal rank. That status gives us the right to question Black Bolt’s decrees should we come to doubt their vision! Thus, I choose to exercise my right, Black Bolt, and pose the question... WHY??!”

Now, see, Gorgon? If you had bothered to think with your head brains instead of leaping right to “NEVER QUESTION LEADER” maybe you wouldn’t have had your block dented by She-Hulk. Think about that for next time.

Also, good on Wasp for being one of the best Avengers leaders. She’s super good at not jumping in half-assed.

She-Hulk decides Black Bolt is taking too long and grabs him and demands he speak.

Which would be a hilariously ill-thought out in other circumstances.

Black Bolt: “Unhand me, you -- you savage!”

Everyone is like ‘OH SHIT’ and tries to duck and cover but no mass destruction and loss of life occurs.

Captain America: “Black Bolt spoke -- and we’re all alive!”

Medusa: “IMPOSTER!”

Except its less an imposter and more someone stole Black Bolt’s body, apparently? At least that’s what Medusa figures.

Are... his powers not tied to his body? What??

Anyway, Lockjaw is finally like ‘my moment is here!’ I guess because he leads the AvengersInhumans to the Royal Crypt and Maximus’ cool crystal corpse box.

Captain America: “Of course! That’s the only logical answer!”

Because duh.

Medusa puts together that if Maximus is Black Bolt, Black Bolt must be Maximus so Maximus must not be dead. And then chokes ‘Black Bolt’ until he admits it.

Pretty hardcore, Medusa.

Karnak and Vision combine their respective powers to break the apparently self-healing harder than diamond crystal coffin.

That’s a lot of stuff that this coffin does but I get it. If you’re bearing Maximus and for some reason don’t want to just bury his body in concrete, you do the next best thing and put him in a self-healing diamond crystal coffin to minimize the chances that he’ll inevitably come back from the dead like he did do.

The freed ‘Maximus’ stalks towards ‘Black Bolt’ to real Maximus’ fear and begging that surely Black Bolt wouldn’t harm his own body.

And I’m further confused about how the powers work because Black Bolt in Maximus doesn’t say anything here so maybe the power is with his mind but also as he sternly corners Maximus in Black Bolt, the tuning fork on Black Bolt’s body’s forehead starts crackling with an awesome power.

So is the power still in the body? Or what?

Anyway, ‘Maximus’ lays hands on ‘Black Bolt’ and this causes their minds to swap back. Thankfully, considering how confusing all these qualifiers were beginning to get.

Now with everyone in the right bodies, its time for Maximus to Explain It All.

So back in that story where the Enclave attacked Attilan, Maximus was part of the plan scheming because he wanted to overthrow his brother and become the ruler. As is his repetitive goal.

But the Enclave pressed the advantage over Maximus’ objections when the pollution sickness made the Inhumans to weak to fight back. They were even going to execute Medusa.

So Maximus turned on the Enclave, used an improperly shielded giant laser, and ended up in a coma.

Maximus whines about how the Inhumans should have listened to him and subjugated humanity to stop their evil polluting ways so that the Inhumans wouldn’t have been forced to the Moon.

But ironically, getting forced to the Moon worked out for the dingus because there was a powerful crystal on the Moon which woke Maximus from his coma and gave him the new never before possible power to swap minds with Black Bolt.

And then like a guy that makes good decisions that aren’t bad, Maximus got in contact with the Enclave again.

Gorgon: “You again allied yourself with our human foes?”

Triton: “For good reason is he called Maximus the Mad!”

Or at least Maximus the bad at decisions.

Maximus: “No! Don’t you see? Our strategic location, combined with the Enclave’s tactical expertise, make us invincible!”

In his own defense, Maximus argues that the Enclave is going to bombard Earth with rocks until humanity is mostly dead and then the Inhumans can go back to Earth.

Presumably... I mean... after all that nuclear winter from all the stuff blasted up into the atmosphere?

Maximus is supposedly a genius but ehhhh I don’t see it.

He is squirrely though because he uses his psionic powers that he has to freeze everyone in place and then runs off, all but cackling.

And like a smart person, he flees right to the hidden base where Alpha Primitives have been pressed into the service of the Enclave.

He tells them that they’ve got to flee because the jig is up but the Enclave are less than convinced in their salmon jumpsuits.

An Enclave Guy: “What?! Just run off and abandon our meteoroid launchers?!”

Meteoroid launcher is a fun name for death from above.

Another one points out, hey wait Maximus screwed us over once, maybe he’s lying again.

And summoned by the opportunity to deliver a sweet line, Captain America (and others) are teleported in by Lockjaw.

Captain America: “You can believe him, mister -- this time, Maximus is telling the truth!”

Yeah. Maximus led the Avengers slash Inhumans right to the Enclave.

He’s not smart! Or he has that INT WIS division going on.

The Enclave don’t get a chance to try to fight (and thank god, we’ve had enough fight scene in this book) because Black Bolt just blasts them all in one go, resolving the plot in one panel.

Meanwhile, out in space, Thor is like oh good people have stopped throwing rocks at me. He was holding his breath this whole time after all and even he would have needed to reenter atmosphere soon.

With the Enclave in varying degrees of sprawled on their asses, the Inhumans can turn their attention back to Maximus for the assholery de jour.

He’s not repentant.

Maximus: “You don’t dare attack me, Gorgon! I am your brother, Black Bolt! I have as much right as you to the throne of Attilan! Like you, I wish only the best for our people! But, fool that you are, you refuse to admit our superiority to the humans! It is our destiny to establish dominion over the Earth! We must not be content with exile on this barren world! We must reoccupy the Earth! To do otherwise would be to deny our heritage! You know I’m right, Black Bolt! Admit it! Admit it!”

Black Bolt just turns his back on Maximus and gestures the others to take him away.

Since he never talks, he’s the master of the non-verbal shut down.

With the shooting meteors at Earth and also Maximus plots tied up, the Avengers get back to why they’re up here in the first place.

Wasp: “What reassurance does the Earth have that they won’t be attacked again?”

Gorgon: “What reassurance have we that the Earth will not attack us? Humanity is better equipped for war than we! And it was the human scientists of the Enclave that fomented this battle!”

Medusa: “Of our people, none save Maximus have ever waged war against mankind. The Inhumans will ever seek the ways of peace. That is the solemn pledge of Black Bolt and the family royal. Tell that to your leaders... and ask if they can truly pledge the same!”

Okay, fair enough, fair enough. The Enclave were humans but on the other hand, it was Maximus who invited them to the Moon.

So maybe guarantee that you’ll keep Maximus on a leash?

Or do you not want to make promises you know you can’t keep?

Maybe at least promise you all won’t immediately jump to action if Black Bolt suggests that it’s time to destroy humanity. Please. Apply some critical thinking.

Annnnyway, the Avengers promise to deliver this message to the UN and “pray that our fellow man is wise enough to reply in kind!”

But seriously. Maximus causes like. 70% of the Inhumans’ problems. Get a better handle on him, you dipshits.

Follow @essential-avengers because I’m brave enough to say ‘I don’t always like the Inhumans’ which I can assure you without bothering to google is probably a rare opinion. Also, like and reblog to make me feel appreciated.

#Avengers #Inhumans #the Wasp #Captain America #the Vision #Scarlet Witch #Starfox #She Hulk #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #Quicksilver #I'm not tagging the inhumans #essential marvel liveblogging #Essential Avengers #this took me forever to get through #its not necessarily bad #its just aggressively average #also its not the best lockjaw art I've seen by a very long shot #his teeth bother me

21 notes · View notes

shefanispeculator · 3 years

Link

Gwen Stefani had begun working on new music before the lockdown hit, but says it was only when she brought up the idea of reintroducing herself to her collaborators that inspiration struck. “I'm not trying to force myself on anyone, and I'm not trying to have a comeback,” she says with a laugh. “I’m simply going to do some music without feeling defensive about it. Whoever likes me can listen. If you don't like it, you can actually say you don't like it! I don't care. I just want to put music out.”

After cutting a song in February with rising songwriter and producer Luke Niccoli (who’s worked with buzzy acts like Yves Tumor, Miya Folick, and Joji), Stefani was virtually introduced to pop hitmaker Ross Golan (Selena Gomez, The Chicks, P!nk), who suggested the trio write about exactly what the singer was feeling: a desire to remind people that she’s not just records collecting dust on your shelf.

“Let Me Reintroduce Myself,” released Monday, is a feel-good return to the ska/pop/reggae hybrid — record-scratching, horns, a walking bass line — that Stefani perfected during her time fronting No Doubt. Using her downtime in Oklahoma during the pandemic to dig back into ska’s roots, she immersed herself in the history of the genre, leading her to feel like now was the right moment to return to the sounds that first put her on the map 30 years ago. “All of the riots had happened, and I just started thinking so much about when I started loving music and why,” she says. “It was eighth grade when I learned about ska and Madness and the Selecter and all those bands that started to define the kind of music that I felt like I fit into; here I was, this Catholic girl from Anaheim doing reggae music! But that music was all about unity and anti-racism, and that was in the '70s. Then we were doing it in the '90s. And now here we are, again, in the same old mess.”

After the “Let Me Reintroduce Myself” writing session in late August (for which she later cut her vocals safely at the Los Angeles studio, the Village), Stefani began referring to Golan and Niccoli as her “song soulmates,” joining forces on a handful of other Zoom-born songs since then that will, if all goes according to plan, see the light of day some time in 2021. But for now, the No Doubt singer’s new track is a welcome return to form after five seasons judging The Voice, twice topping the country charts with fiance Blake Shelton, and building upon the success of her first-ever Christmas album, 2017’s You Make It Feel Like Christmas. “I just said, "I want to do some reggae,’” she remembers. “And it was just this weird full circle moment, because as soon as I started telling whoever I was going into the studio about that, they were so inspired too.”

In a call late last week, Stefani walked EW through returning to solo music, revisiting her back catalogue on the heels of Tragic Kingdom’s 25th anniversary, and how some of her biggest hits have gained new resonance in recent years.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: How are you feeling knowing this song is about to come out? GWEN STEFANI: Under the circumstances, to be able to put out new music is just beyond a gift. Even if it wasn't a pandemic it would be exciting, but it's crazy with the pandemic, you know what I'm saying? I just didn't think it was going to come this year or that I'd be this lucky.

What was your headspace like as you went into writing and recording new solo material this year? Well, this is the deal: I haven't really put a record out in five years. That's a long time. I don't know how it went by so quickly. I would have loved to, but I was doing the Vegas show [Just a Girl] and that took up a lot of time. Before that, I toured the record before, [2016’s This Is What the Truth Feels Like], and the next thing you know, five years passed. I also was feeling like... "Does anyone really want to hear new music from me?" It's so much work to make new music, and I think about all the bands that I loved — I don't go looking for their new records. I just listen to the stuff that I liked in high school .

Somebody sent me a song called “When Loving Gets Old,” and I really loved it. Nobody sends me songs. Why doesn't anyone just send me, like, “Umbrella”? I got this song, I actually liked it. I went in to record it. The girl that sent it to me said, "They actually wrote this for you." And I was like, "Really? No wonder the lyrics feel so good. Why don't I write with them?” We wrote this song called “Cry Happy,” made up of all of these lyrics I’d written on my phone. We had this really great day, but I had to rush home to the kids. It's so different these days; you get there and you have to get home to cook dinner, so I didn't get to cut a demo. That was last February. And then we hit lockdown.

I spent a hundred days in Oklahoma, doing laundry and cooking. We had 15 people there. It was an incredible pause on life to be there at the ranch with the boys and just have this surreal lifestyle for a while, but nothing to do with the life included creating music or anything like that. But Blake happens to have a studio there and had to do some work and brought an engineer in. So I recorded the vocals on “Cry Happy,” and that was like lighting a match to a wildfire because I was like, “My god, I’ve got to do music."

You felt inspiration again? I felt all kinds of inspirations and ideas. It's like God saying, "You’ve got to do this now." When I get that urgency, you can't stop me. I'm like, “I’ve got to go write songs. That's what I need right now. And I don't even care if anyone hears them, or if they think they suck, I'm doing it, now.”

When I got back to L.A., I went into the studio. Everything was plastic-guarded. You get your temperature taken. Everybody's wearing masks. By then, all of the riots had happened. I started to go back and investigate ska and reggae, and I found all these documentaries about how ska was born in the 1960s, how that was linked to the Jubilee when Jamaica was being freed from England. Starting No Doubt, we were the third-wave imitating the 1960s.Then I found this documentary on a school in Jamaica called the Alpha Boys School, which was run by Catholic nuns. There's this little white Catholic nun called Sister Mary Ignatius Davies who helped nurture reggae music. You can see all these pictures of her with these little boys and they're learning these brass instruments. The first ska band that was ever born was these kids out of Alpha Boys School, the Skatalites. No Doubt used to listen to them. Doing my research, it all just felt so full-circle.

So this music was born out of that. I wanted to go back and make something that was joyful and back to my roots, where it all started. [Pre-pandemic] I’d been in the studio with Luke Niccoli and he's the one that said you really should work with my friend Ross, who turned out to be someone who really gets my sarcasm, and the fun side of my lyrics. We really hit it off.

With Luke, we taught each other a lot, especially when it came to ska and reggae, because I kept saying, "Dude, no, listen to Sublime. It has to have scratching in it. It has to be '90s." So he was discovering all this stuff that he didn't know, but bringing his technology and youth to the sound. It was a perfect kind of combination between the three of us. And we wrote a bunch of songs together and I know we're going to write more.

Lyrically, “Let Me Reintroduce Myself” addresses the idea of people thinking of you as a relic. Is that how you feel? At the beginning of this process, I feel like I had to make excuses for why I wanted to make new music. I felt like people were going to judge me and be like, "Well, you're like super old. Why would you even want to?" This is just how my brain works. Anyone would, you know what I mean? Everybody has their own fears or insecurities.

Ross’s reaction was [for us to incorporate] a way of saying, “Well, I haven't really gone anywhere if you really think about it.” I just had a No. 1 hit on [country] radio ["Nobody But You"] — two of them actually, because the next one's ["Happy Anywhere"] going to go No. 1 soon [Editor’s note: it did, 24 hours after our call]. We were just trying to say I haven't really gone anywhere. I'm still doing the same thing. I still wear the same kind of stuff that I've always worn. It's just an evolution.

“Let Me Reintroduce Myself” references your past, lyrically and visually. Some artists are really loath to look backwards, but you seem extremely willing to. Why is that? Five years ago, when my life blew up in my face, there was a lot of looking back. Music has always been a really amazing place to pour my heart and emotions into. It's like therapy.

When I was offered to do the Vegas show — a huge milestone for me — it was very reflective. I think it's an incredible thing to put out new music and have your sound evolve, whether it be through the No Doubt years or the three solo records I did. The first solo record [2004’s Love. Angel. Music. Baby.] was very much a dance record — that was the pop music when I was in high school that I wasn't into, but was the backdrop of my life. Back then, I said, "You know what? I want to try to make that kind of music. I want a dance song." It was so incredible to be able to work with all the talented people that I did and have such a different kind of sound like that, which made me want to do the second record, [2007’s The Sweet Escape].

The third solo record was not born in the same way. It didn't have a reference for the production. It was just, “How do I get through this time in my life? I've got to write these songs. I don't care how they're dressed up sonically. It's just getting them out.” During the process of doing that, I fall in love and I'm writing a song about my life basically being over and then starting to fall in love at the same time, all with one album.

After that, it was like, how do I evolve? When you do a new record, usually everything comes with that: the tour, the merch, the vibe. But when you're doing a Vegas show, you don't have a new song. You don't have anything new. How do you create a show around everything you've done? So there was a lot of looking back and thinking about, “How do I make this feel super nostalgic? How do I make this feel like, when everyone's coming from around the whole world to see me in this room, we have this common story, and that these songs were the backdrop to our lives?”

This year marked the 25th anniversary of No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom. How has that record changed meaning for you over the years? I don't really like anniversaries. I don't really celebrate like, “Oh, I wore that in 1995. Now it's 10 years later, woo!” But then when it actually happened and I started seeing everyone posting and seeing all the stuff that we had done — things I don't remember, until I see the image — I was just overwhelmed, like, "Oh my god, we did that?" It was a really emotional couple of days. I really enjoyed hearing just how much that record impacted people. It really is truly mind-blowing to me that I get to do music, let alone to be part of people's lives in that way. It's hard to wrap my head around it.

I'm really proud of Tragic Kingdom. It was a very weird album. I was so naive. I didn't even know how to write a song. I don't know how I wrote those songs because I didn’t know anything back then. But doing the Vegas show was a really reflective time, because doing a song like “Just a Girl” every night felt more relevant than ever, especially in the last couple of years with the rise of the #MeToo movement. It feels like history repeating itself. We've come far, but we haven't. I always thought that I would outgrow that song and be a woman and not be able to sing the words “I'm just a girl” anymore, but it felt more relevant than it ever felt in my whole life. It was bizarre.

20 notes · View notes

theroyalmile · 3 years

Text

Started from the Bottom Now We’re... A Little Bit Above the Bottom

Note to Readers: I wrote this on Sunday morning at 5:30a.m. It captures one of the lowest moments I have felt throughout this whole experience and though I am feeling much better right now, and very much so looking forward to my surgery on Tuesday, I think it’s important, when being open about this whole thing, to capture this snapshot of emotion. I will warn you ahead of time that this is not a “fun” read. But it is honest. And I truly believe the sentiment at the end- this was very close to rock bottom for me, so I’m looking forward to the journey back up, beginning with my surgery in 5 days.

*******

A couple of weeks ago, I reached a milestone I never thought would happen. I finished chemo. This milestone felt triumphant. It felt miraculous. I had successfully leaped this giant hurdle, with more ease than I ever expected. Lucky was the word I kept using. Lucky I had never gotten sick. Lucky neuropathy had never taken hold. Lucky my lifted fingernails had never fallen off. Lucky my hair was starting to grow back. Lucky that while still terrible, chemo had been so much easier for me than I knew it was for most.

I rode this high into a wonderful celebratory night with some close friends. What was meant to be a large BBQ outside was hindered by a rainstorm, relegated to the indoors, and made much smaller, and yet, I was still deliriously happy. I held onto that delirium from one thing to the next- a laughter filled game night at my parents' new home, a lovely, relaxing few days with my partner’s family, to a productive, incredibly normal feeling day back in the office.

As I prepared to continue riding that high into my long awaited “girls weekend” with some friends who had all banded together to come in from out of town, I received a call. It was the plastic surgery department calling to confirm my surgery date for June 22- a date that was three weeks earlier than the date I had in my calendar and that I had spent the last two months making plans around. I was confused, annoyed, and a little scared. What had happened, I wondered? I contacted my social worker via email to ask her, nicely of course, what the ever-loving f*** was happening. She told me she would get to the bottom of it immediately. I did my best to enter into my girls weekend undeterred from having the most fun ever, as was planned.

The next day, I received a call from my surgeon who walked me through why the date had changed, and the pros and cons to changing the date. I won’t get into the details but the most important point is, she said it was ultimately my decision on which date to keep, but from a cancer care perspective the earlier date was optimal. This is not to say the later date would have been dangerous, just not-optimal, whatever that means. I asked if I could have the weekend to think about it and she said of course. I called my partner to discuss, and my mother. I made a little pro/con list in my phone that I would let ruminate for the weekend. And then I did my best, mostly successfully, to put this all in the back of my mind until Monday so I could enjoy my girls weekend as planned.

Ultimately, after what ended up being a wonderful, mostly cancer-thought-free weekend, with the help of my family, partner, social worker, and little pro/con list, I decided to move my surgery date up to the earlier date. After all, my number one goal here is to be cancer-free. Why would I not do everything I could to best ensure that result. Somewhat begrudgingly, but confidently, I altered all my plans. I informed work of my new surgery date which they wholeheartedly accepted and supported. I cancelled my “staycation” and other various plans I had made to enjoy my last free weekends before my procedure. I went through the process of reworking my entire brain to accept that this was all happening much, much sooner than I had planned. I found a way to become re-excited by my surgery and what it meant. No more cancer in my body. The light at the end of the tunnel was back and closer than ever.

One particularly hard pill to swallow with this closer date was that with my post-chemo energy climbing, I had been excited to start working out again, and start eating healthy again. I had hoped in those 30+ days I might even lose some of the 5 pounds or so of the chemo weight I had gained. I wanted to go into this surgery feeling powerful, strong, positive and healthy. With this newer surgery date I felt that this goal was still possible, I just had less time to accomplish it. That was fine, I thought, after all, it wasn’t about the weight loss as much as it was about feeling good. And I was determined to do my damndest to feel as good as possible with the time I had.

I started working out every day. Nothing crazy or overzealous I thought. Some brief cardio, 30-45 minutes on the stationary bike. Light weight lifts. Beginner level stuff. Enough to work up a minor sweat and push me a little. But not to push too hard. With the support of my partner I started eating well (emphasis well, not less). More salads, more fruit, more water. Less junk food. I was meditating daily, which is something I have never done before. I was feeling good, feeling empowered. I had even lost 2 pounds, which was, frankly, just a bonus.

I went into my plastic surgery pre-op appointment excited and nervous. I was going to be able to ask all of my questions about the surgery, which I had written out ahead of time. I was going to learn about how to care for my recovering body. This appointment made this all seem so real. More so than it had before. But I was happy about that. I was shocked by how excited I was by the idea of a bilateral mastectomy. Of course, still very scared, but excited, which made the fear more palatable.

I don’t like to say things that are overly flattering of myself, but I like to think through this whole process I have remained fairly calm, undeterred, and strangely positive. Not in a Pollyanna positive kind of way (as my mother would say), just optimistic about the outcome of all of this. Optimism is not my natural mode, so I have worked very hard to do this. That is not to say it hasn’t been hard. Or course it has. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I have cried more these last few months than probably the last few years combined. But I have remained, for the most part, positive.

This was how I felt walking into my plastics pre-op appointment. My mother was with me for support. She had been there with me for my first consult with plastics and oh boy, had I needed her. When the sheer weight of everything had hit me once we started going over breast reconstruction, I had completely lost it. She was there to support me and help lift up my voice when I could hardly speak. I had not anticipated that would be necessary this time, but she was there as a precaution, and as an extra set of ears. But it turned out I needed her more than ever. When my plastic surgeon out of the blue suggested I consider having my mastectomy without reconstruction, take a few months to recover and lose 20 or so pounds, and then come back for my reconstruction later, I lost it completely. We had already been over this two months prior. We had addressed concerns about my weight and determined the surgery as is, mastectomy and reconstruction all in one, was doable, and the right procedure for me. My weight had not changed since this conversation in March. Nothing had. So what the hell. And when I say “lost it” I mean full, heaving, sobbing, hard to breathe tears. I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to scream. We were two weeks out from surgery and here was this curveball that could change everything. All my questions I had pre-prepared, all of my excitement went right out the window. I remember my mother saying to the nurses, with a thinly veiled anger, “She has been very stoic through all of this, but I think today you guys broke her.”

The thing here I must make you all understand is that I am having a surgery I would never in a million years have elected to have if I did not have breast cancer and a genetic condition that gave me a 40% chance of getting breast cancer again. I am having both my breasts removed, and reconstructed with tissue from my stomach. Does the idea of that make you uncomfortable? Yeah, me too. I don’t want this. I will never wanted this. But I have accepted that this surgery is my best shot at having a normal life where I do not have to wake up every day in fear of my cancer returning. And this particular surgery, a mastectomy and reconstruction all in one, with my own tissue, while much more intense in terms of both surgical time and recovery time, is the procedure that made this “choice” that wasn’t really a choice the most palatable. I am not sugar coating to say I was excited. But when the option of doing the procedure the way I wanted was possibly being taken away from me it was all too much to handle. My mother was right. It broke me.

We left that appointment with more questions than answers. Both of us dejected, angry, bordering on more tears to accompany the ones we had already shed. After an emergency meeting with my social worker and much discussion (and more tears), and an analysis of the risks and benefits in front of me, I was done sacrificing my choices. I had already sacrificed too much to this disease and I was done. I was determined to stick with the procedure I had been planning for since March.

So did this whole event take the wind a bit out of my sails? Yes. It ruined everything just a little bit for me, and stands to make all of this a little bit harder. All the same, after making my decision, I was determined to push forward, I kept up the exercising, I had two more very productive days at the office and felt confident about my medical leave from my job. Was I feeling as strong as before? Not quite. But I was feeling better. And the weekend was approaching fast, which I was looking forward to.

I had plans for the weekend. Nothing monumental. Saturday, my partner and I had planned to go to the driving range at a local golf course. This was a favorite activity of mine when I was younger. My uncle Billy, who died in 2019, used to take me to the driving range when I was a pre-teen/teen. I was excited to give it a shot again and see if I still had it, or at least had my 14-year-old version of “it”. Saturday also happened to be the two year anniversary of my Uncle Billy’s death, which I had forgotten, but I wonder if subconsciously I remembered, as the coincidence is a bit too odd to ignore. Then Sunday, we planned to go to the beach. We were going to get there early, 8am for low tide, because one of our favorite activities is to explore tide pools. This may seem juvenile, but the beach, and the tide pools bring me immense joy. Though I only had two weekends before my surgery and a month long recovery, I was determined to make the most of them.

However, my weekend plans, like my pre-surgery excitement, were perhaps too good to be true. Saturday morning, before my day had really even started, I was bending over to put something in the compost when my back gave out and a sharp pain hit me in the center of my lower back. I was stuck there crouched down, wondering if I could even stand. With much pain I did stand, and suddenly realized I was in trouble. I called out to Caleb with a bit of urgency, and when he came over, I said “Something happened to my back, I don’t think I can walk.” And I truly didn’t think I could. He slowly walked me over to the couch where I was able to lay down, but not without excruciating pain. And when I say excruciating, I mean it. On the pain scale- the one that doctors always have with the little frowny faces I would say it was a 7. Maybe a 6. Maybe an 8. Whatever it was, I can way with utmost certainty, I have never, in my entire life, felt this much pain. Whenever I sat up- pain. Whenever I stood- pain. Whenever I took a step- pain. This was make-you-want-to-vomit pain. This was need-help-going-to-the-bathroom pain. This was I-am-afraid-to-move-even-a-little pain. I have hurt my back before. But never, ever like this.

With my upcoming surgery I am restricted from taking blood thinning medication - so no ibuprofen, no aspirin. I am also restricted from taking CBD, THC, and any marijuana products. I tried acetaminophen. I tried wet heat. I tried dry heat. I tried ice. None of it seemed to really help. We considered going to the emergency room but I wasn’t sure I could make it down our front stairs, let alone into a car. Plus the idea of one single unnecessary second in a hospital, especially with a long hospital stay looming, was unpalatable. Finally, I called Dana Farber and spoke with the on-call physician, who, after confirming it was safe for me pre-surgery, prescribed me muscle relaxers.

Of course, a driving range trip was out of the question. I cancelled dinner plans with a friend as well. I felt little to no relief until 11pm, which allowed me to make it up the stairs and into bed. The relief gave me a false sense of hope, thinking perhaps, by tomorrow, I will be better. Maybe even better enough to go to the beach. My one beach trip of the summer. That’s all I wanted. I knew tidepools were out of the question. But maybe I could at least put my feet in the sand, and smell the ocean water. That seemed good enough.

As soon as I awoke on Sunday at 5:30am to take my next dose of pain meds and muscle relaxers I knew it would never happen. I had reverted back to my earlier pain levels. I struggled to get out of bed, and required being literally held up to go to the bathroom. And I never went back to sleep after that. I just sat there, taking in everything that was happening to me at that moment. Taking stock of the ways my body felt like it was was failing me. Listing the things I had lost. Obsessing on the disappointments.

I can’t quite find the words to express how it feels to be sitting awake, propped up against your headboard like a ragdoll at 5:30 am on a Sunday, crying, but trying to be silent so as not to wake your partner, who, after tirelessly caring for you, helping you walk to the bathroom all night, has finally been able to fall asleep. Looking outside at the beautiful, cloudless blue sky, feeling the warmth of a perfect beach day seep in through the window screens, knowing I likely won’t even make it out of the house let alone to the beach.

Rage. White-hot rage is what I felt. Not at anyone or anything. I don’t even have a god to be mad at. Just life. I was mad at life. I was furious that my one weekend to enjoy, relax, and take my mind off of everything, even if just for a moment, had been taken from me, not even by cancer, but by some freak occurrence.

In this moment, sitting there, silent tears streaming down my face, chest heaving with the sheer weight of just everything I realized there was one thing I could do- my one sedentary, legless outlet. I could write.

So gingerly, I pushed myself out of bed and shuffled my way over to my work desk. With the support of the desk I lowered myself onto the floor to reach for my personal laptop. I opened it. Dead. I located the power cord under my desk, unplugged. After several painful moments of reaching, I determined I wasn’t going to be able to reach the outlet. No fear, I had a backup plan. I reached up and grabbed my work laptop. Power cord already plugged in- bingo. I opened it, made my way into Google Docs and started typing. I got five words in before a blue screen with a frowny face appeared. Well, thank goodness I used Google Docs. I rebooted and logged back in. Another sentence. Blue screen. Frowny face. I rebooted again. And again. And again. At least six or seven times of this, all while that pit of rage stuck somewhere between my throat and my belly swirled painfully. All I wanted in this one moment was an outlet- a chance to be able to write about my pain. And I was even being denied that.

As I rebooted, and rebooted, and rebooted, for the first time in a long time another word popped into my head which I had vowed to never use.

Unfair.

I hate the word unfair. And I hate it in the context of my cancer diagnosis. I was recently explaining this to a friend of mine. It’s not that I so much hate other people using the word unfair to describe what is happening to me, or to describe something happening outside of my diagnosis, but I refuse to use it for myself. I feel this way because I believe nothing about my life is unfair. Yeah, I got cancer. Yeah, I got cancer at 28. But why not me? So many people get cancer, what the hell makes me so special that it shouldn’t be me. What about the little kids I see at Dana Farber any time I’m there, running around with their little chubby bald heads. I got to be 28 before I had cancer- they didn’t. That’s unfair to them. But not to me. The word unfair scares me- because I truly believe once I begin to think that about my situation, about myself, about my current circumstances, I won’t be able to come back from that. I won’t be able to escape unfair.

Finally, as if sensing I was about to throw it against the wall, my laptop came to life and stayed that way. And I wrote all of this, starting with “unfair” and working backwards. Working through all of the things that have happened in the last two weeks to bring me to that word.

I have concluded that, still, none of this is unfair. Am I pissed off? Yeah. Exhausted? Absolutely. Angry. Sad. Scared. Humiliated. Humbled. Overwhelmed. Still in pain, as I sit here? Unfortunately, yes. But I feel oddly… better. Actually, I’m kind of smiling now as I write this and I truly have no idea why. Maybe at the absurdity of it all? Maybe because I am feeling so many things right now, why not add amused.

I’ve mentioned this before but dark humor is in my blood. It came with the DNA that gave me the BRCA1 mutation that gave me breast cancer- ironic, huh? Or full circle- I can’t tell which. I am too tired and delirious from pain and lack of sleep to know the difference. That DNA also gave me my beautiful hair- which is making it’s slow comeback. My sense of humor. My taste in music. My sense of travel and adventure. My love for words. It is half of who I am, and therefore a part of me I would never give up or change, because without it I would be someone else. And most importantly, it gave me this gift, this outlet of writing, which has somehow, in the last two hours, healed quite a lot of pain.

That seems quite fair, does it not?

I don’t know when my back pain will subside. I don’t know if it will have any effect on my surgery in a week and a half. I don’t even know if I will make it to the beach before then. But I do know that even with all of these uncertainties I feel compelled to write it down and share it with whoever feels compelled to read it. Because it's important to me that I remember what this moment feels like.

Because you know what they say about rock bottom. Nowhere to go but up, baby.

#breast cancer #cancer #mastectomy #illness #healing

2 notes · View notes

ambitionsource · 4 years

Photo

AMBITION Season 2 ♫ “Got A Lotta Livin’ To Do” [ 2.08 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (quincywillows) || S2 Tag || Official Page

YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG – Devastating news sends the junior class reeling. When decisions are made for all the wrong reasons, everybody must face the consequences. Eric is haunted by signs he may have missed.

62 Minutes (16K words) || CONTENT WARNING: mentions of suicide; underage drinking; mild physical harassment. Take care of yourselves and read with discretion.

[ ← Contingency Plan ] [ S2 Synopsis ] [ World Uncertain → ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Lovely” as performed by Billie Eilish & Khalid || Performed by Isadora De La Cruz, Riley Matthews, Maya Hart, Charlie Gardner, Zay Babineaux, and Lucas James Friar

The soft piano eases us into the episode, a long shot of the hallways of AAA less lively than usual. Whereas there is often dancing, laughter, and commotion in the opening hours of the school day, today it’s still.

ISADORA DE LA CRUZ is the first person to appear, standing alone in front of the display case outside the auditorium. There are photographs from Into the Woods up, and that’s what is holding her focus as she delivers the opening verse. As she turns and begins to walk down the hall, CHARLIE GARDNER appears within frame and joins in the vocals, growing more and more distant the further Isadora walks from him.

The whole number progresses with this disjointed sort of feeling -- the students being together, but feeling distinctly apart. The vocal focus shifts from the two of them to MAYA HART then to RILEY MATTHEWS and ZAY BABINEAUX, their voices melting seamlessly into one another due to the heaviness of the delivery.

The moment it all comes together is about halfway through in the second verse, when all of them come together along with LUCAS FRIAR. Zay behind Isadora, Charlie behind Maya, Lucas behind Riley. The six of them look straight at the camera with blank expressions as they march down the hall, seemingly in sync for this one captured moment of grief.

Oh I hope some day I’ll make it out of here...

It’s a long, continuous shot, staying with Maya as she abruptly halts and the other five disperse around her. She’s standing in front of Farkle’s locker. Frozen, transfixed by it. She lifts her hand to touch it and then decides against it, pulling her hand back. She swivels away from it, the riffs of her classmates echoing as she drifts her way back towards the auditorium.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - DAY

We’re following Maya as she walks, making her way through the hall...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

And out into the wings, stage lights down and house lights up as she passes through the stage and towards the stairs to the front and center section of seats. The rest of the junior A class is there amongst them, but they’re blurry and out of focus.

Maya settles into one of the chairs, camera rotating around to see the stage. JACK HUNTER, ERIC MATTHEWS, HARPER BURGESS, and SHAWN HUNTER are assembled, expression and demeanors somber as they address the A class. As the song comes to an end and their voices become audible, Jack’s words of understanding still feel far away.

Jack: … understand how overwhelming this might be. Which is why we are going to process it together. If there is anything you need…

The focus is back on Maya, having spun our way around to the front. Easing in on her empty expression…

Cue title sequence.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Jack and Eric continue on with their opening remarks, explaining the resources that they have available in light of what has happened with Farkle Minkus. Harper and Shawn nod along, equally as solemn. Harper seems particularly fragile, hands clasped so tightly in front of her she’s turning her knuckles white.

Additionally, as Eric explains, he’ll be available at any hour the next week if any of them need to come talk through what they are feeling about the situation. He emphasizes that the worst thing any of them can do at this time is isolate themselves, and every one of them up on stage -- and any other faculty -- are there for them.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

The halls continue to feel muted even though the day marches on. At one end of the hall, NIGEL CHEY talks softly with YINDRA AMINO and JADE BEAMON. He reaches out a hand to touch Jade’s elbow, extending comfort.

A little further down, ASHER GARCIA and DYLAN ORLANDO are having a difficult conversation. Asher isn’t looking at him as he swaps items from his bag to his locker, meticulously nitpicking at the books on the shelves as a distraction. Dylan is leaning against the row with his arms crossed, delicately broaching the conversation.

Dylan: You heard what Mister E said. The worst thing we can do right now is isolate, and that’s all he’s been doing for months.

Asher: I know.

Dylan: That has to be the reason he said any of that stuff, anyway. It’s like you said, it’s like he wants to push people away. I’m not saying it’s right, or anything, and you know I’m on your side. I’m just thinking that --

Asher: Okay, but even if he didn’t mean it, he still said it. And you know I’m not just -- I know what you mean. I do. [ fussing with his backpack ] But at what point do we say okay, this is all I can take? I’ve been pushing the line further and further back because of exactly that, because I don’t want him to be alone, because he’s my friend, but where do we draw the line? When does it finally become too much --

Asher nearly drops his backpack and gasps, catching it and cursing under his breath. He takes a moment and closes his eyes, breathing deeply. Dylan frowns, reaching out and rubbing his shoulder.

When he’s pulled it together, Asher turns to face him. His tone is soft, touching Dylan’s arm.

Asher: You know I’m not going to tell you what to do. You can make your own decisions. I just…

[ Dylan listens attentively. He shifts his hand to touch Asher’s cheek, a subtly encouraging gesture that signals it’s safe to say whatever he needs to say. ]

Asher: Right now, I can’t. I just... need space.

A reasonable request, considering how much he’s already done for Lucas. Dylan nods. Asher gives him a tight smile, sharing a quick kiss before he closes his locker and shuffles down the hall for his next class.

Dylan watches him go, releasing a sigh and leaning back against the lockers.

Jack, pre-lap: It is imperative that we act with caution.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Our junior faculty is assembled, CORY MATTHEWS joining Harper and Shawn in meeting with Eric and Jack. The principal is seated at his desk, leading the more candid discussion of how they should approach a guaranteed difficult week. Cory says what they’re all thinking.

Cory: I just can’t believe it.

The main takeaway from the meeting seems to be that whether they like it or not, the group of them are role models in this situation. How they handle this will help inform the students on how to handle it, so it’s up to them to be in control of their emotions and act as pillars for the A class to lean on. Harper questions if this means they’re just pretending it didn’t happen, obviously the one struggling the most with keeping her emotions in check.

Eric refutes this take, pointing out that their primary role is still to be a teacher. He warns against initiating conversations about it, as some students may not want to talk about it or address it yet. Those who want to seek conversation will come to them, and if anyone seems in need of counseling then Harper is encouraged to send them his way.

Harper: And what about you? Are you sure you can handle taking on all that extra… have you even gotten to take a moment for yourself?

Eric: When we’re here, our responsibility is for the students. I can handle myself on my own time.

Shawn is the one to point out the other obvious threat -- overreactions. He doesn’t suspect they’ll have any copycats or anything, but then, they didn’t realize it soon enough with Farkle either. The fact of the matter is, there is a lot boiling under the surface of these kids right now because of this, and they’re guaranteed to release that pent up energy eventually. They should be even more vigilant than usual.

Jack seconds the notion. Speaking from experience, some teenagers are very good at concealing what they’re feeling...

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

One such student is Isadora, who is having lunch with Maya. They’re hidden away in the girls dressing room, away from the noise and constant chatter of the cafeteria.

For all intents and purposes, she seems to be handling the news better than others. She’s at least being open and talkative about her attempts to process it, gently nudging Maya into conversation about it.

Isadora: Something similar happened at my last foster home... I won’t go into details, but… it’s like... they kept telling us the same thing over and over again. About feelings, and guilt and all that sort of shit, but none of it really helped. I don’t know what… [ a beat ] This isn’t very helpful either, is it?

Maya isn’t taking to it, that’s for sure. She’s silent, lunch untouched on the countertop next to her. She’s got her feet up on the counter and is hugging her knees, leaning her head against the cool mirror. Not talking, not eating, just… nothing.

Isadora gets the hint, settling into quiet as well. But she assures her that if she does want to talk, she’s there for her.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Riley has gone to Eric for lunch, bright with an idea in the chair across from him. It’s a muted sort of enthusiasm, but her eyes are sparkling as she speaks.

Riley: I wanted to run it by you first, though, because I didn’t want to accidentally do something that might make things worse or have some unintentional psychological consequence. I just thought that… it might be nice. For all of us, but also for him. To honor him. [ a beat ] Do you think it would be okay?

Eric: I don’t see any obvious “psychological consequences” in that idea, no. [ smiling ] I think that’s a lovely idea, Riley.

Riley manages a smile. She quickly finishes her food and gathers her things, claiming she wants to get started on organizing it. Eric rises with her, requesting she hold on a second.

He comes around the desk, gently asking if she’s handling everything okay. In light of everything that has happened… he just wants to know. And if there’s anything he can do, can she promise that she will please, please tell him before it gets too deep to come back from.

Riley pauses. Then she pulls her uncle into a hug, the two of them sharing a tight embrace. Every touch means a little bit more right now.

Riley: Promise.

She pulls back first, giving him a smile and heading out. Eric watches her go, a little choked up. He clears his throat, trying to shift back into work mode.

INT. AAA - DANCE STUDIO - DAY

Zay and Charlie are in their usual studio, but they aren’t dancing. The mood is deflated, the two of them sprawled on the floor in what seems to be the start of stretches that never went anywhere. Instead they’re talking, Zay laying on his side and propped up on his elbow. Charlie is leaning back against the mirrors, legs stretched out and feet resting on Zay’s hip.

And even their conversation isn’t its usual rapport. It’s soft and listless, both of them trying to process something that feels impossible to grasp. Zay carries most of it to fill the silence, working through his disbelief and attempting to reconcile that with the collective perspective they all had of Farkle.

Zay: I don’t know. I guess someone that… when they have that sort of personality, you never really think --

Charlie: Could’ve been me.

Charlie says it without thinking, staring at the ballet bars across from them. He only snaps out of his daze when Zay nudges his knee, concern in his features. He repeats the question of what the hell Charlie meant, obviously worried about the statement. Charlie quickly covers it, claiming he just meant that it really could’ve been any of them. Personality and background aside.

Zay doesn’t seem all that placated, so Charlie elaborates. He explains how alone he felt at the end of last year, how easy it is to stumble into those dark places and not really know how to dig yourself out. He’s lucky that he had a support system in place, as well as someone there for him in a way that no one else could be.

He tilts his head to lock eyes with Zay, sincerity shining through his tired gaze.

Charlie: I hope you know how much you mean to me.

The sentiment kind of speaks for itself. Zay softens, placing his hand on Charlie’s leg and gently stroking his knee.

Zay: Ditto.

Charlie waits a moment before placing his hand on top of his. Off their joined hands --

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Riley and Cory are having dinner together, just the two of them as it may very well be from now on. The two of them skirt around the elephant in the room for a bit until Riley mentions her idea to honor Farkle, stating that that’s what has taken up a majority of her attention.

Tentatively, Riley asks Cory how he’s feeling about the whole thing. Although they don’t give him much credit, he was one of his teachers. He must be thinking about it. So she opens the floor for him to actually get to talk about it instead of putting on a brave face like he does at school. Cory contemplates it.

Cory: Weirdly enough, I keep thinking about first semester.

Riley: Yeah?

Cory: Yeah. Doesn’t have anything to do with the last couple of years, but that’s what I keep coming back to. First week of school isn’t easy for a teacher. Not just because we’re also coming off the freedom of summer, but because there’s a whole new crop of kids to learn about. Not to mention all the others you’re backlogging from other years, but that’s beside the point. At least at Triple A we’re only dealing with about fifty a year, but still a lot to take in.

Riley: I can imagine.

Cory: But Farkle wasn’t like that. It was partially the name -- hard to forget a name like that, so I figured I would match the face pretty easily. But the real reason was because even from the first week, he was always two steps ahead of me. Didn’t matter if it was history or english -- and I do not envy Mr. Norton for having to battle with him in science and math. First week of classes, I’m doing an introduction on Shakespeare, and his hand just shoots up about ten minutes in and he basically takes over the lecture. [ clearing his throat ] I was irritated at the time, a little bit, because it kind of felt like he was stealing my thunder. But came to appreciate it after a while. It was nice to have a student who valued his academic intelligence just as much as his performing ability. [ weakly ] Think maybe I should’ve told him that, at some point.

Riley smiles bittersweetly, reaching across the table to touch his hand. Cory lets out an embarrassed laugh, swiping at his eyes. He holds her hand more securely, locking eyes with her.

Cory: I’m so glad that -- I’m so glad you’re still here with me, Riley. I really, really am.

The statement is loaded, and carries plenty of meaning. Glad she’s there with him and not on the same path as Farkle; glad she’s there with him when everyone else seems to have gone away -- his wife, his son. He’s grateful that, in spite of everything else, she’s still there at his side.

Riley squeezes his hand in return, nonverbally returning the sentiment.

INT. FOSTER HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Isadora is helping BEATRIX TORRES prepare lunches for the younger siblings. Beatrix asks her how she’s grappling with what happened to that classmate of hers, and she brushes it off as if she’s not all that bothered. Sad, of course, but it is what it is. Beatrix doesn’t seem convinced, but before she can question further, STEPHEN VAN HERSCHING requests that Isadora come join them in the dining room.

INT. FOSTER HOME - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Isadora saunters into the seat across from him and KAREN VAN HERSCHING at the end of the dining table, expecting this to be another meeting to discuss her “behavior” as of late. They hadn’t yet confronted her about the outburst of last week, so she’s resigned as they tentatively begin the conversation.

Only it takes a turn she is not at all anticipating.

Karen: With all of this in mind, we feel it might be time for you to be relocated.

Isadora, stunned: … what?

Stephen, delicately: Clearly, we’re simply not clicking the way we’re supposed anymore. You must have noticed you’d been in respite care more often than usual these past few months, and we’ve been butting heads more than living harmoniously.

Karen: It’s not a comfortable environment for any party, and your siblings are starting to recognize it too. Perhaps that’s a sign that this just… isn’t a good fit.

Isadora chokes back her emotions, instead arguing as bluntly as she can manage. She points out that this has nothing to do with the foster siblings and everything to do with them -- they’re giving up on her because she’s not “normal” the way they’d like her to be. They’ve never known how to handle her, and now they’re giving up because they’re tired of pretending to put in an effort to understand her.

Stephen: Now I wouldn’t say --

Isadora: Of course you wouldn’t, because that would go against your perfect charitable narrative. Take in kids and give them homes, sure, as long as doing so makes you feel good about yourself and offers no potential challenges that you might have to actually lift a finger to work through.

Karen: See, this is exactly what we’re talking about. If you were intent on making this family dynamic work --

Isadora: If you were intent on making this work, you’d act like actual parents and try to understand the children you host rather than shaping them into your good samaritan trophies. When you’re an actual parent, you don’t just toss your kid out when they don’t suit you anymore!

Karen shuts the discussion down, stating that this is how things are going to be. Isadora reins in her frustration and puts on a stony expression. Karen continues to explain how long she’ll have to pack her things, what they’re doing to start arranging for her relocation, but sound goes fuzzy and sort of peters out.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “No Roots” as performed by Alice Merton || Performed by Isadora De La Cruz

The bass line starts in as the Van Herschings continue to mutedly talk at Isadora, finally dismissing her. As she marches from the table and starts to move through the home she launches into the opening verse, keeping her emotions tempered for as long as it takes her to escape to the upstairs.

INT. FOSTER HOME - ISADORA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

The door slams as she gets to the chorus, volume growing in pitch as she starts to meltdown over the ordeal. She’s being dropped again, removed and shoved off to the next person. Nothing ever lasts, no one ever stays. On top of everything else…

Enraged, Isadora rips a poster down off the wall. That destructive action seems to expand into an all-consuming energy, Isadora basically tearing her bedroom to shreds as she progresses through the rest of the number. It’s a dizzying display, leaving her surrounded by debris by the time the rendition comes to an end.

She stands amidst the ruins of what her temporary home used to be, breathing heavy and clearly exhausted. Then she leans back against the door and slides into sitting, tucking her head into her knees.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

The silence of Eric’s office is a stark contrast to the anger of moments earlier, the only sound being the active tick of the wall clock. Maya is seated in the chair opposite him, Eric patiently attempting to get her to speak about how she’s dealing with this. Anything at all.

She’s not biting. It’s truly jarring to see Maya Hart so quiet, usually so animated and the natural center of attention. She’s just… void, having nothing to say because she has nothing to give.

Eric: I just want you to understand that there’s no wrong way to process this. Whatever you might be feeling -- sadness, guilt, anger -- all of that is valid. You have the right to feel it, whatever it might be. You don’t have to process it alone.

For now, it seems like she’s content to do so. She continues her silence, avoiding his gaze as she stares blankly at the floor. Eric frowns, obviously wishing there was more he could do.

Anne Marie, pre-lap: Please let me know if there’s anything you need.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

ANNE MARIE WINTHROP is visiting Jack, having brought him lunch from one of his favorite spots. She’s clearly there to offer him comfort, well aware of how difficult this week is going to be for him. Whatever she can do to help, she wants to be able to do it.

Jack claims he’ll be fine, right now all he can do is focus on work and try to keep the tides level. She exchanges a brisk kiss with him, heading out just as Lucas appears in the doorway for a meeting.

The two of them nearly bump into one another, looking at one another in confusion. Anne Marie is certainly no administrator Lucas recognizes, and Lucas wanders the main office too casually to be just some random student swinging by for a visit. Yet, they have absolutely no sense of who the other person is.

Jack seems to sense their trepidation, jumping to introduce them. Anne Marie offers a hand to shake as he does so, which Lucas looks at with a mixture of reluctance and amusement. Is she for real?

Jack: Lucas is one of the technicians in the junior class.

Anne Marie: Oh. Sorry if I’m being rude, I just -- Jack’s never mentioned you, is all.

Lucas, flatly: Yeah, well, there’s not much to say about me. [ shaking her hand ] I’m sort of like the gum under his shoe he just can’t scrape off.

Jack: That’s not true.

Lucas: It’s okay though. He’ll get rid of me some day, I’m sure. A little more scraping and scrubbing, and all grime comes off eventually.

Jack cuts him off, stating he’s said quite enough. An interesting first impression, that’s for sure. Anne Marie delicately removes her hand from his, raising her eyebrows at Jack and assuring him she’ll see him after work. Lucas waits until she’s gone to speak, sliding into his usual seat.

Lucas: You never mentioned you had a girlfriend.

Jack: That’s not exactly relevant information for you to know.

Lucas: We talk about everything else. You know everything about me. [ bluntly ] Shitty parents, booth hopping, failed not-relationships…

Jack waves him off, as that’s definitely not what he wanted to discuss. He cuts to the main reason he requested Lucas come by, checking in on how he’s handling the news about Farkle.

In an instant, Lucas clams up. He says he doesn’t see why he’s checking on him when there’s plenty of people way more distraught than he is. He and Farkle weren’t close. They weren’t even acquaintances. The only thing they had in common, in fact, was how hated they were by everyone else.

But that isn’t the point. When things like this happen, Jack states, people cope with it regardless of how immediately attached to the person they were. He wanted to talk with him and make sure he was okay, because he knows for a fact he won’t be going to chat with Eric. His behavior last week was indicative of that much. Lucas sheepishly claims he’s fine, and the only reason he acted that way was because he doesn’t need to have everyone in his business.

But it’s not convincing to Jack, and he continues to push out of concern until Lucas slightly cracks. He lashes out about yeah, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. Not because he gave a shit about Farkle, but sort of because of exactly that reason.

Lucas: So you want to know what I’m feeling? I’m feeling like absolute shit. But not for the reason everyone else is, the reason I should be, because I’m heartbroken or sad or suffered some great personal tragedy. And that’s all part of it -- I feel like shit because I am shit. I’m shit because this horrible thing happened, and all I can focus on is me. Because we were both trash, but if anyone deserved it… [ huffing ] Because for three years, I treated Farkle like shit, and I can’t stop doing it to everyone else, and now he --

Lucas can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. He swallows whatever he was going to say, slouching back in his seat and pressing his knuckles to his chin. Jack attempts to process everything he just said, wondering where to even begin.

Lucas: Is that what you wanted me to say? Is that what you wanted to hear?

He gets up without waiting for a response, making a quick escape. Jack sits there, dumbstruck, not at all sure how to unpack all of that. Wanting to help, but not having any idea how -- not even sure he can. Perhaps he should’ve heeded Eric’s advice about not pushing conversations…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Riley is at Farkle’s locker, having been opened by Harley to be cleaned out and returned. She’s gathering his things in a bag, also getting a feel for what she’s working with in whatever her grand idea is.

She sighs, shifting her focus to the inside door. There are still those lingering photos from last year, striking a nerve in her she wasn’t expecting. She gently touches the Les Mis cast photo, then shifts her gaze to one he has of him and Maya. It was taken on their hooky day, and somehow captures just how greatly Farkle cherished their friendship before he blew it all up.

Riley’s eyes are glossy, but she’s pulled from the moment by the conversation of a couple seniors a few lockers down. They’re discussing how heavy the week has been because of the junior class, neglecting to realize that the locker of who they’re chatting about is only a few feet away.

They both agree they’re eager for the weekend to unwind for a hot minute, highlighting the underground NYU party that they both got the deets for. Yeah, they’re still in high school, but this is one of those ones where they let seniors in for a few bucks so long as they dress the part and don’t go too overboard.

Interesting information to overhear. Riley absorbs the details as she hides behind Farkle’s locker door, stopping herself just in time from subconsciously bending his photo of Maya.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

The bell rings, pulling the junior class back together for lecture. They all saunter into the black box, the mood somber and all eyes avoiding the empty seats in the room. One less occupied than it should be. A couple of students are visibly shaken, like NICK YOGI who is far from his usual level of energetic, and HALEY FISHER, who is wiping tears on her sleeve a few rows back.

Harper steps up to the board and attempts to proceed on like business as usual, but she keeps losing her train of thought. She gets caught on Haley crying in the back of the room, wanting to say something, but remembering what Jack and Eric said about operating with caution.

Charlie: Miss Burgess? [ after she looks at him ] Are you alright?

No. No, Charlie, she’s not. As if the question is the trigger, Harper starts to cry. She apologizes and tries to pull it together, but then she’s sobbing harder. Totally eclipsed by the reality of what has happened and unable to run away from it any longer.

The A class stares at her, uncertain what to do or how to respond. The room feels frozen in the agony of it, until Shawn steps up and joins Harper at the front of the classroom. He leans in close, muttering to her with a semblance of privacy.

Shawn: Go. I’ve got them, just go.

Harper blinks at him, stunned, but takes his directive. She rushes out of the room, still trying to pull herself together. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Shawn awkwardly clears his throat and then attempts to take over the lesson to the best of his ability.

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - DAY

Catching up with the junior A class, they’re scattered about the auditorium during breakout sessions. But no one is actually rehearsing anything, mostly just coming together to comfort one another. DARBY WINTERS and SARAH CARLSON are in the dressing room hall, Sarah hugging Darby as she cries.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

In the wings, Zay, Yindra, and Nigel are seated on some spare acting blocks. Charlie and Clarissa are in the backstage area, comforting a distraught Haley who cannot seem to stop crying. In the back center section of the house, the techies are huddled together. NATE MARTINEZ has his arm around DAVE WILLIAMS, who is flushed and rubbing his eyes. JEFF MONROE is massaging Jade’s shoulders while she continues to costume in spite of how she’s actively crying, preferring to focus on something productive rather than wallow.

Dylan breaks from the techie huddle, gently scratching Asher’s back as he passes him to let him know he’s going. He makes his way back down through the house and up onto the stage, heading to the other side of the wings in pursuit of something or someone specific.

INT. AAA - COSTUME LOFT - DAY

He finds who he’s looking for soon enough. Isadora is no longer so in control of her emotions, aggressively sawing at a piece of wood with safety goggles on. Dylan claims he’s happy he found her, as he wanted to see how she was doing. He knows she’s been kind of dealing with a lot of shit lately, let alone on top of this.

Isadora, unimpressed: Oh, do you now?

Isadora pulls off her goggles and steps away from the wood, avoiding looking at him. He persists in expressing his concern anyway, stating that they’re friends and it’s important for people not to feel alone right now.

Unintentionally, this comment is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Isadora snaps, saying it’s a shock for him to call them that when they’ve hardly interacted much in the last few months. Where was he when the entire techie crew decided to cold shoulder her? Or after the blow up in class when her mom visited -- he sure didn’t come running after her then. He didn’t try to get Lucas to lighten up on her, none of them thought to invite her to their new techie holiday plans.

Then it just spirals from there, Isadora no longer able to keep the lid on her emotions about anything. What’s going on with the Van Herschings, how her friendship with Lucas has deteriorated, the fact that she can’t seem to get the balance between two worlds right. How she knew something was up with Farkle, and she tried to reach out, but she didn’t do it right because she never does anything right. She could’ve done more, and yet she fucked up that too.

Dylan listens without argument to all of it, an unfair but willing recipient of all her anger. He lets her snarl at him and throw blame around and completely meltdown until she runs out of steam, collapsing down against the chain link that separates the costuming supplies from the set building supplies. She descends into tears, hiding in her arms and at rock bottom.

For a beat, uncertainty. Then, without a word, Dylan walks over and joins her on the floor under the shadow of the costume loft. He doesn’t touch her, or offer an uplifting word. He simply sits with her, being another presence in the room. There with her to sort through all that turmoil.

Tangible proof that she’s not as alone as she feels.

INT. ANGELA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

ANGELA MOORE returns home, greeting Shawn who is working on the couch. She tiredly explains that she went to pay a visit to the Minkus family.

Shawn: How are they?

Angela: About how you’d expect.

She settles onto the couch with him, allowing him to drape an arm around her shoulders. She cuddles close, shaking her head and claiming that she can’t imagine what they’re going through right now. She only knows what she’s struggling to grapple with, and that’s already difficult enough. Shawn nods along, kissing her temple.

Angela: I just keep thinking… if I hadn’t gone away. If I hadn’t taken the job, you know, and I was still his teacher…

Shawn argues against the train of thought before it even starts. There’s no sense in trying to figure out if one or two tiny decisions were deciding factors in something like this -- and they rarely ever are anyway. She was his favorite teacher, after all, if anything she already did more good for him than anyone else.

Angela sighs, trying to accept that as truth. She asks how everyone else at AAA is doing, and Shawn admits it’s tough. He mentions what happened with Harper, speaking sympathetically about his co-teacher for perhaps the first time. As he’s doing so, the reality of their warped dynamic seems to hit him full force.

Shawn: … fuck. I’ve got to fix this, Ange.

Her expression says it all. Maybe so. He gives her another long kiss on the forehead before climbing to his feet.

INT. FOSTER HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Isadora is meeting with her SOCIAL WORKER, the latter explaining what this process will be like as she is relocated. She’s hardly listening though, as this is far from the first time she’s heard the spiel.

When the caretaker explains that she will be squatting at the Van Herschings until she’s assigned a new home, that seems to strike something in Isadora. From the way her eyes are burning, it’s clear that doesn’t resonate with her. No way is she going to just hang around in a place where it’s been made clear she’s no longer welcome.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Riley is pacing the living area, on the phone with TOPANGA LAWRENCE. She’s explaining the laborious process of moving upstate, only switching topics to what is going on with Riley far too long into the conversation.

Riley, flatly: Well, I don’t know if you heard, but one of my classmates overdosed. So.

Although her advice is well-meant, Topanga’s immediate response is to start problem-solving, which is not what Riley wants to hear. She can’t even get a word in about her project for Farkle, Topanga dominating the conversation with thoughts on how to cope and questioning the environment of the school that would push a student to that.

Topanga: You know, there really are some excellent schools here upstate. If you’re ever feeling as though things at the art school are just too hectic…

A nice suggestion, but exactly the opposite of what Riley needs right then. She’s sick of jumping from place to place only for it to constantly fall apart -- what she wants is for the home she’s built at AAA to become hospitable again. All in all, the conversation leaves Riley feeling more claustrophobic, directionless, endlessly doing the wrong thing regardless of how much right she’s trying to do.

She hangs up, collapsing into the bay window and looking out towards the twinkling lights of the city. Still bustling with activity in spite of how the world seems to have frozen around them.

She could sure afford to unwind for a hot minute…

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Maya’s phone is ringing, Katy lighting up the screen once again. Maya reaches out and hits ignore, stuffing her phone in her pocket.

Her expression is still hard to read as she gathers her duffle bag onto her shoulder. She’s dressed in dark clothing and obviously on a mission, no longer doing nothing but gearing up to certainly do something.

She crawls out onto the fire escape with her duffle, disappearing into the night.

EXT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - LUCAS’S FIRE ESCAPE - NIGHT

Lucas is seated out on his fire escape, also looking out into the night. He’s clenching his jaw, picking at the scabs on his hands again, seeming restless and a far cry from coping well over someone he wasn’t all that close to.

Swiftly, he pulls out his phone and dials a number. He waits impatiently until they pick up, eyes shining with mischief.

Lucas: You busy? [ a beat ] I gotta do something.

INT. GARDNER HOME - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The Gardner family is assembled for dinner, ELEANOR GARDNER leading them in prayer before they settle in for the meal. This evening is a bit out of the ordinary, however, as Eleanor includes a plea of forgiveness for Farkle’s mortal soul and to have mercy on him. Charlie opens his eyes in shock, blinking at his mother as she wraps it up with prayers towards the Minkus family and a curt amen.

Charlie is the only one not to repeat the word. Eleanor glances at him, surprised to see the disturbed expression on his face. She questions what’s going on, and Charlie asks what the heck she meant by including Farkle and asking for his “forgiveness.”

Eleanor treads cautiously, understanding that Charlie is likely overwhelmed by what’s happened and thusly pardons his attitude. She reminds him that suicide is a mortal sin, one of the gravest a human can commit as it goes against God’s power over human life. She’s merely hoping the Lord will take mercy on him when the time comes for his judgment.

Charlie: Well, don’t you think that’s a bit cold?

Eleanor: I think it’s a bit cold to decide that your wants and desires are greater than the will of the Lord.

Charlie: Maybe, but… don’t you think he deserves a little more sympathy? You don’t know what was going on with him, or even who he was. The Bible even says that mental health can absolve responsibility of it as a mortal sin --

Eleanor: Which is up for Him to decide, not me, and certainly not you.

Charlie wants to say more, but he finds he’s out of words. He just feels sick, staring at his mom as if he doesn’t even recognize her. Rosie looks back and forth between them, uncertain. Ambrose starts to say something to assuage the tension, but Charlie beats him to it. He pushes away from the table.

Charlie, disgusted: I need to be excused.

Eleanor: Perhaps that’s a good idea.

He marches out of the room without looking back. Eleanor and Ambrose watch him go, both appearing concerned. Rosie and Daisy keep their heads down, pushing around their food but not eating it.

INT. GARDNER HOME - CHARLIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Charlie escapes into his room, slamming his door behind him. He paces restlessly before flopping down on his bed, grabbing his pillow and screaming into it to muffle the sound.

When he puts it down, he pushes himself back into a sitting position. He runs his hands through his hair, letting out an exhausted exhale. His gaze drifts out his balcony and towards the lights of the city, Charlie getting lost in the view for a moment.

Slowly, his expressions hardens to a glare.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “A Lot of Livin’ To Do” as performed by Bye Bye Birdie Original Broadway Cast || Performed by AAA Juniors

Charlie kicks off the first verse, on edge and bristling with energy. He pushes himself off his bed and into a pace, then seems to be struck with an idea. He quickly packs a bag and climbs out onto his balcony.

EXT. GARDNER HOME - NIGHT

Charlie lands outside his balcony and looks up at it as he backs onto the sidewalk, finishing off his verse as he sprints towards his car.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Riley takes up the brunt of the next verse, singing about “men of 19 or 20, who are suave and reckless and true.” She’s dressed up and looking glamorous in bold makeup, a leather jacket she took from Maya’s closet, and semi form-fitting clothes, but she also… doesn’t really look like herself. She looks as though she’s trying to be something she’s not -- which is precisely what she’s doing.

She musters her confidence in the mirror before grabbing her purse and clambering out of the bay window.

INT. FOSTER HOME - NIGHT

Isadora is following the same routine. She has stuffed everything she cares about into a backpack and an overnight bag, clambering down the stairs and marching into the night without anyone noticing. Not intending to ever come back.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Kicking off a pattern for the episode, the rest of the number is split between events happening in real time, and a fictionalized performance on the AAA stage. In this case, that performance belongs to the A class (sans everyone featured out and about), Nigel taking on the vocal heft of the performance.

The strangest thing about their otherwise enjoyable rendition is how jarring it is to see Asher without Dylan. Asher is amidst his classmates, dancing with Jade and the other techies in the grounded stage performance, but his boyfriend is nowhere to be found.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - NIGHT

That’s because Dylan, on the other hand, has met up with Lucas and they’re jogging the back streets of a wealthier district in the city. They’re alight with chaotic energy, as Lucas is kicking up his thievery to even higher levels tonight. Dylan tosses him a tool as they come around one of the fancy, shiny sports cars sitting parked on the street, Lucas starting the process of breaking into the vehicle.

He succeeds, pulling open the door and disabling the security mechanism swifter than it can react. He and Dylan exchange grins, Lucas climbing behind the wheel.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - NIGHT

Maya has taken up residency in an alleyway, a busy street just overhead. She’s hard at work, opening her duffle to reveal an assortment of spray paint. Her expression is removed and determined, setting to work as she starts graffiting right over the camera.

EXT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

Zay’s car is the only one in the driveway as Charlie pulls up on the curb, abruptly killing the engine. He jogs up to the door, knocking urgently. He’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, unable to stay still.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ENTRYWAY - NIGHT

Zay descends from upstairs and pulls open the door in confusion, finding Charlie on the doorstep. Not even a second passes before Charlie steps inside and pulls Zay into a kiss, showing zero hesitation in initiating.

Something about this kiss is different, too. Insistent. Impatient. Zay is startled for a moment until he catches up and kisses him back, shutting the front door.

INT/EXT. NEW YORK STREETS / STOLEN CAR - NIGHT

Lucas and Dylan seem to be having the time of their lives, speeding down the night streets in their joy ride vehicle. Dylan shouts into the night and nudges Lucas on the arm, the latter grinning and picking up speed.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - NIGHT

Isadora is wandering the streets, obviously not sure where the hell she’s going to go. She’s so distracted she almost walks right into the streets, only getting startled out of it when a police siren snaps her out of it.

She hops back onto the sidewalk as the cruiser breezes past, lights blinking and sirens blaring.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ZAY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Things have grown serious for Zay and Charlie as well. They’re deep into kissing, but Charlie still seems to be operating with a more frantic tenor than normal. There’s a moment where Zay pulls back and starts to question if this is okay but Charlie steers right past it, pulling him back into it.

Kisses deepen… shirts come off… Zay fumbles back onto the mattress and Charlie follows...

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - NIGHT

Maya is finishing up her project, startled out of her focus by the distant sound of sirens. She scrambles to gather her things and takes off into the darkness.

EXT. COLLEGE PARTY - NIGHT

Riley approaches the entrance to the underground college party, being held at what seems like an old warehouse of some kind. She makes tentative eye contact with the older guy monitoring the doors, but he doesn’t pay her any more attention than the other college girls slipping inside.

She smiles to herself, descending down the steps and into the party scene.

INT/EXT. NEW YORK STREETS / STOLEN CAR - NIGHT

The fun comes to an end about the same time as the song, the A class underscoring the blare of sirens as they catch up to Lucas and Dylan. The world around them reflects blue and red as Lucas stares at the rear view mirror, expression shifting from thrilled to alarmed.

Lucas, fiercely: Shit.

They pull over. Dylan glances over his shoulder at the lights and then back to Lucas, panicked.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Eric is still at school, working overtime and cleaning up his office as an excuse to avoid everything else. His fragile bubble pops though as he finishes clearing his desk, stumbling upon some old notes he made to himself about Farkle and his behavior.

He stares at it, hands shaking. His expression twitches, betraying his strong facade.

INT. HARPER’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Harper is pacing her apartment, on the phone with STELLA CASTILLO. She assures her that she doesn’t need to come home from her touring gig early, the situation is tough but she will handle it just fine. She misses her though, and can’t wait to see her again.

There’s a knock at the door, a surprise to Harper. She lets Stella know she has to go, hanging up and going to answer the door.

Shawn is on the other side, obviously a shock to her. He acts nonchalant as he greets her with an eyebrow raise, awkward but just charming enough that he can pull it off.

Shawn: Wanna grab a drink?

Off Harper’s uncertain expression, as “Die Young” floats in --

INT. COLLEGE PARTY - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Die Young” as performed by Kesha || Performed by Riley Matthews

Speaking of drinking, the college party is in full swing! Riley is right in the center of it all, leading a spunky and high energy rendition of this pop classic. She’s parading around with red solo cup in hand, dancing with friendly college girls, having a rocking good time. She also catches the eye of a handful of boys, being a bit flirtatious in her devil-may-care state. There are older men of 19 or 20…

It’s the most wild she’s ever been, and it’s obvious she’s reveling in it. Accommodating and unassuming Riley Matthews, finally doing something because she damn well feels like it.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jack and Anne Marie are having a quiet conversation, interrupted by a knock at the door. Jack goes to answer it, unexpectedly finding a winded and very flushed Eric standing outside.

Eric, broken: It’s my fault. It was my fault.

Jack allows him inside the apartment, guiding him in and immediately trying to get him to calm down. But Eric is in emotional hysterics, doing everything aside from actually crying. He can hardly breathe, he’s tripping over his own words, the works. Jack exchanges a look with Anne Marie, not sure what to say.

She gets the message, grabbing her coat and purse and stating that she’ll give them some space. As she goes, she gently touches Eric’s shoulder and expresses her sincere condolences for everything that has happened. Then she exchanges a cheek kiss with Jack, stepping out and leaving them alone.

Eric grows more frantic, totally incomprehensible. Jack guides him towards the couch and gets him to settle, trying to get him to listen instead of spiraling out of control.

Jack: Eric.

Eric: How many times did we say we needed to bring him in to chat? How many times did I remind myself that I needed to see him but let it get brushed aside by something else? How many times did I meet with him, only to let him go without making any progress?

Jack: Eric --

Eric: We knew, Jack! I knew that something was wrong, I saw the signs, and I didn’t act quick enough! I failed him! It’s my fault, it’s my fault he --

Jack: Eric!

Jack grabs his shoulders, jostling him lightly to get him to pause. He does, allowing Jack the chance to retort. He shifts one his hands to grip the side of his neck, locking eyes with him.

Jack: This is not your fault.

Eric looks like he wants to argue, but he’s out of words. He stares at Jack, eyes glassy and still trembling. Jack holds his gaze… and then pats his shoulder gently.

Jack: Let me make some coffee.

INT. NYPD PRECINCT - HOLDING CELL - NIGHT

Dylan and Lucas are seated on the bench, the former looking nervous while the latter is slouched back against the concrete wall, resigned. Dylan is fidgety, twisting the bracelets on his wrist and tapping his feet and bouncing his leg.

Dylan: This is bad. This is so bad.

Lucas, sharply: Would you calm down? We’re white, we’ll be fine.

The door opens, an OFFICER entering and unlocking the cell. She informs them that someone paid their bail, but they have paperwork to process so they absolutely should not leave the precinct. However, they can retrieve their things and meet with their bail out. Lucas and Dylan exchange a look, following the officer out of the cell.

INT. COLLEGE PARTY - NIGHT

Riley is just finishing pouring herself another drink when THOR (20) sidles up to join her. He’s attractive, sandy-haired, just the right amount of charming. He engages Riley in conversation, asking her a little more about who she is and commenting that he hasn’t seen her around before.

The conversation seems fun for her. She enjoys playing mysterious, leaving him with little answers but accepting his invitation to go dance.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Eric has had the chance to settle, no longer frantic but instead having transitioned into a numb sort of state. Jack returns with steaming mugs, handing one to Eric who takes it robotically. Jack sits down next to him, placing the coffee on the table.

Jack: Do you have any idea how much I respect you? Especially now.

Jack points out how hard the last week was on all of them, but especially Eric. And now he has to carry his feelings about it all on top of the collective school emotions, hardly getting any time to process it for himself. So it’s no wonder that he’s feeling overwhelmed --

Eric: I could’ve done something. I could’ve stopped it.

Jack: You know that’s not true. You know that’s not how these things work.

Eric: It was my job. It’s my job to protect them, and I failed.

Jack: Eric, listen to me. [ leaning forward ] This is not your fault. You did not fail. And if you did, then it’s on both of us. It’s both of our jobs to take care of those students. So if it’s on you, then it’s on me too.

He reaches forward and pats Eric’s knee, getting his attention. Eric stares at his hand, then slowly lifts his gaze to meet his eyes.

Jack: You know we work together. We should’ve tackled this together, and we’re going to handle it together. [ softly ] You are not going to face this alone.

Eric hangs on his every word. There’s something about the moment that’s deeper than just a moment of camaraderie, one that neither of them can place but that certainly exists between them… when Jack’s cell phone rings, making both of them jump. He digs for it in his pocket.

Jack, apologetically: Could be the Minkus --

Eric nods, understanding. Jack jumps to his feet, frowning at the number on his caller ID as he steps away to answer it. Eric takes the moment to collect himself, letting out a sigh and hiding his head in his hands.

He straightens up when Jack shouts from the kitchen, startling him.

Jack: He what?

Jack flurries back into the room a second later, scrambling to find his coat. Eric asks what the hell is going on, but in his frenzy Jack isn’t very helpful.

Jack: I have to -- Lucas. He -- I need to go to the station --

Eric: The station? What --

Jack: Please, feel free to stay as long as you need. I’ll be back soon. [ a beat ] Hopefully. Shit. Jesus --

Jack exits in a huff, leaving Eric alone in his apartment.

INT. COLLEGE PARTY - NIGHT

Dancing with a cute stranger at a hazy college party is all fun and games… until it isn’t. Although it doesn’t seem all that out of place considering how other duos around them are acting, when Thor makes an unexpected move and kisses Riley’s neck she clearly isn’t on the same page. She might be tipsy, but she’s cognizant enough to know that’s not the direction she wants to go in.

She jerks away on instinct, Thor still keeping a hand on her arm. He asks her if everything is okay, seemingly innocent. She clears her throat and searches for an excuse, laughing nervously and stating that she doesn’t feel much like dancing anymore.

In the midst of backing away, somehow Thor manages to back her into a dead end against a wall. He suggests that they can go somewhere else if she wants, not reading into her discomfort despite how obvious it feels. Hands shaking and feeling distinctly cornered, Riley grasps for any excuse she can think of.

Riley: I, um… I have to use the restroom.

INT. COLLEGE PARTY - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Riley skirts past a couple of drunk college girls, ducking into a stall and trying to catch her breath. She starts to tear up but talks herself down, knowing she needs to keep her cool. She needs to stay calm, and then she needs to figure out an escape plan.

After a moment, she pulls out her phone. She fumbles to open it, going to her messages and scrolling back to find the right contact.

INT. NYPD PRECINCT - LOBBY - NIGHT

Dylan and Lucas emerge from the hall with the officer, retrieving their items from a plastic bag from when they were arrested. As they direct their attention to the main waiting area, the identity of who bailed them out quickly becomes clear.

Asher marches away from the counter, eyes wide and voice frayed.

Asher: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

He’s interrupted before he can even finish the question, Dylan barreling him with a bone-crushing hug. He embraces him with everything in him, obviously so relieved he’s there.

Lucas looks a little less thrilled. He stares at them, confusion shifting to defensive disdain.

Lucas: You called Asher?

Asher pulls back from the hug first, glancing between them. Dylan speaks before he can address Lucas, asking how the hell he paid to bail them out.

Asher, reluctantly: … the fund.

Dylan’s face drops, mortified. The last thing Asher should be doing is dipping into his college fund to get them out of trouble -- especially after expressly stating he needed space.

Dylan: I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call. They said call someone, and my first thought was --

Asher: It’s fine. But I’ll ask again. [ looking right at Lucas ] What the hell happened?

Lucas holds his glare, not knowing what to say. He’s saved by the bell, or in this case, his phone ringing. He steps away to answer, turning away from Dylan and Asher. As he frowns at the caller ID and answers the call, in the background Asher takes Dylan’s face and questions whether or not he’s okay.

Lucas: Hello? Riley? [ a beat ] Wait, what? [ a beat ] What?

Dylan and Asher shift their attention to Lucas, watching him warily as he starts to pace. Whatever he’s hearing on the other end, it can’t be good news.

Lucas: Stay where you are. Don’t talk to them. Where are you? [ a beat ] Okay, stay put. It’s going to be okay. I’m coming. It’s going to be fine.

Lucas hangs up, alight with restless energy again. He marches back over to the other two, exhaling shortly before locking eyes with Asher.

Lucas: I need your car.

Asher: I’m -- what? No.

Lucas: I need to go. Riley is -- I have to go now.

Dylan: What’s wrong with Riley?

Lucas: I have to go. Give me your keys.

Asher, stunned: You’re seriously telling me --

Dylan: They said we couldn’t leave --

Lucas: GIVE ME YOUR KEYS!

Asher flinches, reflexively tossing them in his direction. Lucas catches them, not even saying thanks as he sprints out the doors. Dylan and Asher whip around to watch him go, wearing matching shocked expressions.

Dylan, with dread: We’re so fucked.

Asher glances at him then back to where Lucas left, slowly shifting from shocked to pissed.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Eric has returned from the kitchen with another cup of coffee, familiar enough with Jack’s apartment from all the hours they’ve spent working together. He settles back onto the couch, breathing deeply and trying to get himself to relax.

He shifts his focus to the paperwork Jack has on the table -- the student files of the junior class. Likely in preparation for their senior summary reports. He flips through them idly, smiling lightly at the grinning portraits of the junior class and their photos from the last three years.

Eric stops cold when he gets to Farkle, smiling smugly back at him from his sophomore student portrait. There’s a subtle shift, just barely perceptible, between that image and the one from junior year. Eric swallows, gently putting down the report back onto the table. He puts it right next to Isadora, and Charlie on the other side.

All of them, right there in front of him. All having no idea how much they mean to him, how desperately he wants to protect all of them like his own family.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “These Are My Children” as performed by FAME Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Eric Matthews

Eric kicks off this impressive vocal performance, sorting through the student files as he articulates how important this role and his influence on the children means to him. He uses the full expanse of Jack’s living room to work through his emotion, delivering a powerful rendition.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

In keeping with the other performances of the evening, the number is split half between his location and half on the AAA stage, railing into the performance with everything he’s got. It’s cathartic, at the very least, and it certainly makes the point crystal clear.

The students at Adams are his children. And he never wants to let another one slip through the cracks ever again.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “HUMBLE.” as performed by Kendrick Lamar || Instrumental

INT. ASHER’S CAR - NIGHT

Lucas is parked outside the college party, staring at the building with obvious reluctance and disdain. He can hear the bass thumping from outside, and a crowded, loud, rowdy hole in the wall is the last place he should be when he’s already on the block for the joy ride.

But he goes anyway. Lucas scowls and climbs out of the car, slamming the door.

INT. COLLEGE PARTY - NIGHT

From the moment he enters the space, it’s overwhelming. Lucas frowns at the haze of smoke and odor of alcohol and weed, weaving his way through the crowd and scanning for Riley. College girls spot him and share interested looks and giggles, but he doesn’t pay any attention.

Finally, he finds her.

Lucas: Riley -- Riley!

He pushes through the crowd to get to her, Riley whipping around when she hears his voice. Her eyes are wide and uncertain.

Riley: Lucas?

He finally makes it to her side, taking her arm and pulling her from the fray. He double takes when he actually gets a good look at her, taking in her… new style. He seems a bit torn on whether or not he should consider it attractive or not, and well aware that this isn’t the time to be thinking about that anyway, but Thor addressing them grabs his attention before he can make a decision either way.

It’s not just Thor, but Thor with friends. There’s about three of them now, and Thor questions where Riley is going so soon. Lucas can tell from her body language and the way she kinda ducks behind him that they’re what caused her to call him in the first place. He does his best to keep things from escalating, calmly explaining that they’re just going to head out.

Thor: Oh, well, you don’t have to rush out. I thought we were having a good time. Weren’t we? [ off Riley’s hesitant expression ] Of course she’s shy now. It’s okay, you don’t have to get bashful around your boyfriend.

Friend, slurring: Didn’t have those problems earlier.

Friend 2: Thor was just telling us how friendly you are. Thought we’d come get to know you ourselves.

Riley looks like she’s going to be sick. Lucas narrows his eyes, fighting a losing battle in keeping control of his anger.

Thor: It’s not like it’s a problem, you’re welcome to join us. [ loftily ] Thought we might have more fun as a group, actually.

Lucas, sharply: Yeah? You think it’s fun to hit on a minor?

That comment seems to hit something in Thor’s drunk friends, but they’re not sober enough to remember why that should be problematic. There’s a little more of a tense back and forth until Riley tries to end it, taking Lucas’s arm and starting to pull him away.

Riley: Lucas, let’s just go. Come on.

Friend: Yeah, go on then, bulldog. Woof!

Lucas is scowling, but he follows Riley’s directive. It’s only after they’ve turned away that Thor makes a crucial mistake.

Thor: Her loss. Fine, then. Go be a nobody somewhere else, slut!

Everything happens so fast. In a second, Lucas has spun back around and thrown a punch, hitting Thor so hard and quick that he falls backwards into his friends. As they’re reacting and regaining their bearings, Lucas doubles back to Riley and starts to drag her out of there.

Lucas: Come on. Come on!

Riley tears her gaze away from the carnage, taking his hands and holding on for dear life as he shoves his way through the crowd.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ZAY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Zay and Charlie have evidently been making bold moves of their own. The untidy quality of the bed sheets is enough of an indication, although Charlie is in the process of fixing them for the sake of fixing something. He might want to start with his hair, which is equally messy, but that seems to be far from his mind. He’s fidgety, looking caught between guilt and discomfort as he restlessly makes the bed.

Zay returns from the hall, having just done some tidying up himself and pulling on a sweatshirt. He tells Charlie not to worry about it, in much lighter spirits than his boyfriend. Charlie can hardly look at him, swiveling away once his distraction of nitpicking has been taken away.

Sensing that something might be up but not wanting to jinx things, Zay searches for upbeat ways to break the silence. He’s rambling, almost, scrambling for anything to say that will make the oddly serious air between them disappear.

Charlie, suddenly: This wasn’t good.

Zay: … well, I don’t know if I would say that. Sure wasn’t perfect, but uh, you know, I don’t think it’s necessarily supposed to be. First time. [ a beat ] Like a lot of things, I think it just takes practice --

Charlie: No, no, not that. It was… fine. I mean, it was okay. I don’t -- it wasn’t good that we did this. That I did this.

It grows quiet. Zay chews the inside of his cheek, obviously trying to grapple with the unpleasant turn this is taking. He isn’t sure what to say.

Zay: If you mean… if this is about the “Heavenly Father,” or whatever --

Charlie: No, it’s not that either. It’s just… I just think that… [ exhaling ] I don’t think I did this for the right reasons.

Zay frowns. Doing what they decided to do tonight is already an overly emotional endeavor, and that’s heightening the way they’re reacting to one another. But he knows he doesn’t want the conversation to go where it’s going.

Zay, quietly: … you said it was okay. I asked you like, a thousand times, because I wanted it to be okay --

Charlie: I know. And when I said it --

Zay: I didn’t even know if -- I wasn’t sure either, you know? [ quicker ] I didn’t know if I was ready either but I figured if you were, if you seemed so sure, then --

Charlie: It’s not that I… it didn’t have anything to do with you.

Zay: Then why? Why would you do it if it wasn’t about you and me?

Charlie grimaces, running his hands through his hair. He snaps out a response, explaining what his mom said at the dinner table about sin and this backwards way of thinking about Farkle, and he can’t stop thinking about Farkle in general, and how life is so fucking short and abrupt and holds all these choices that he has no control over. So he just… he just wanted to do something. He wanted to choose to do something and have control over it and feel like it was okay.

Zay, stammering: And you didn’t think -- you didn’t think to tell me about that?

Charlie: I don’t know! [ voice cracking ] I just knew that I wanted to be with you, and I wanted to feel something, and have control over something, and not have my mom’s voice in my head confirming that empathy means nothing if the Lord doesn’t agree and how I can never fucking tell her about this --

Zay, exasperated: Are you ever going to tell anybody?

That’s enough to stop Charlie dead in his tracks. Zay is looking at him, vulnerable and worked up, and Charlie wants to be able to tell him what he wants to hear. Even in the midst of how confusing and overwhelming it all is, he wants to be able to give him that reassurance.

Instead, he hesitates. He hesitates just a second too long.

Zay’s lip trembles, expression shifting as he attempts to keep it together. He shakes his head, turning away from him and letting out a shaky breath.

Charlie: Zay, I’m not saying that… like I said, this doesn’t have anything to do with you.

Zay: It should. This is one of the things that should.

Charlie: I didn’t mean to --

Zay: You know that I don’t… I would never expect you to… but we’re supposed to be doing this as a team. We’re supposed to be together on this.

Charlie, tearing up: We are --

Zay: And it’s supposed to be leading towards something! If we care about each other and this means something it’s supposed to be moving towards a future -- you even said just last week that…

He can’t get his thoughts together. He can’t wrap his head around how spectacularly this has spun out, how he feels closer to him than ever but also betrayed and confused and a cocktail of every other emotion they’ve made each other feel in the last eight months.

Zay: What are we even doing?

Charlie shakes his head, stepping forward and taking Zay’s arm.

Charlie: We are -- Zay, listen to me. Listen. [ choked up ] Zay, I --

Zay: What?

Zay whips around to face him, meeting his gaze. Not letting him hide, waiting for him to say what he hasn’t been able to say.

Zay, softer: … what do you want to say to me, Charlie?

Charlie stares at him, glossy-eyed. Mouth parted open, the words on the tip of his tongue -- what he feels so strongly it’s consumed him inside and out.

But he can’t say it. He can’t put it into words the way Zay needs to hear.

Zay nods, not surprised. He gently pulls his arm from his grasp, turning away from him and wiping at his eyes. Charlie stands frozen, unable to move.

Zay: [ almost inaudible ] I think you should go.

Charlie, tearfully: Zay --

Zay: Please. [ a beat ] Just go.

Charlie waits a moment longer, hoping things will go back to before. Hoping somehow everything will go right side up again, that they’ll be the same… but it doesn’t. It won’t. He swallows back his tears and robotically gathers his things, glancing over his shoulder at Zay one more time before he disappears from the room.

Zay grits his teeth until he hears the front door close. Then he lets out a broken exhale, collapsing onto the bed and hiding his head in his hands.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Secret Love Song, Pt. II” as performed by Little Mix || Performed by Zay Babineaux

Delicately singing the opening notes of this coveted Little Mix ballad, Zay works his way into what is his most heart-wrenching and emotional performance to date. There’s no choreography or extravagance to distract from the killer vocals, just raw emotion and impressive pipes.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

His performance follows the same pattern as the others, splitting its time between his grounded location and the imaginary AAA stage.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ZAY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Zay rounds out the piece by approaching his window, looking out and seeing Charlie in his car. He’s clearly crying, mirroring Zay’s own tears, but right now there’s too much distance between them. Too much weight from hasty decisions that they can’t take back or redo.

He pulls it together and drives away, Zay watching him go. Then he slides back down against the wall, leaning his head against the window sill.

INT. BLUE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

There’s a knock at the door, BLUE NGUYEN jogging in from the bedroom to answer. He looks through the peephole and then pulls open the door, a windswept and tired Isadora standing there with her bags on the doorstep.

Neither of them say anything. Blue steps back and lets her into the apartment without hesitation, gently shutting the door behind them.

INT. ASHER’S CAR - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Love Like This (Acoustic)” as performed by Kodaline || Instrumental

Lucas has parked a ways away from the party in a mostly empty parking lot. The music plays softly over the radio, set to one of Asher’s usual stations, but otherwise it’s quiet.

They aren’t looking at one another. Lucas is chewing on his thumbnail, keeping his gaze trained out the window. Riley is making herself as small as possible after the evening she’s had, hugging herself and slouched low in the passenger seat.

After a long moment, Lucas lets out a sigh.

Lucas: What the hell were you thinking?

Oop. Wrong thing to say. Riley looks at him, staring in disbelief.

Riley: What was I thinking? [ a beat, louder ] What was I thinking? You’ve got to be kidding me!

Valid reaction. Lucas cringes as Riley lays into him, straightening up and reminding him of all the stupid choices he’s been making in the last few months. The terrible attitude. The stealing. The shutting down and shutting out of people who actually care about him, who have done nothing but try and help him and he’s given back bullshit.

Riley: So you have the nerve to ask me what I was thinking? No. Sorry. I know this was dumb, and I know I shouldn’t have done it, and I had to pay for it. But I am not going to take a lecture from you!

[ There’s a long silence. Riley huffs, slouching back against the seat and crossing her arms tighter across her chest. ]

Lucas: … you’re right.

Riley: And I think -- [ realizing what he said ] What?

Lucas, defeated: You’re right. I’m stupid. I’ve been… I’ve been fucking up non-stop basically since summer. [ a beat ] Most of my life, if we’re being honest, but… whatever. That’s not the point.

Lucas goes on to repeat that she’s right, and he knows he’s fucked everything up. Now all there’s left to do is deal with it, regardless of how much he wishes he could keep running from it. Riley examines him for a long moment.

Riley: Well, if tonight demonstrated anything, I think it’s safe to say that running sort of creates more problems than it fixes.

Hard lesson to learn, but it seems they’ve both made it there eventually. They absorb the sentiment for a moment before Lucas speaks again, asking what he actually cares about. He looks at her, speaking more gently.

Lucas: Are you okay?

Riley, exhaling: [ after a long silence ] No. I’m not.

[ Lucas frowns. It looks like he wants to do something, but clearly has no idea what or how anything he might say or do could be remotely helpful. ]

Riley: But I will be. [ with a scoff ] Someone has to be.

Sad, but true. And it’s the mentality she will survive by, so she’s not letting it go quite yet. Lucas nods, shifting his gaze back out the dashboard window.

This gives her the chance to look at him again. She takes him in, finding the words she wants to say.

Riley: Thank you for coming. When I called. You didn’t have to --

Lucas, without hesitation: Of course I did.

He shifts his intense expression back to her, immediately softening when they lock eyes. It’s the first time they’ve really looked at one another all night -- it’s the first time they’ve really looked at one another in what feels like too long --and as soon as they do it’s difficult to look away. A million and one feelings floating between them, left unspoken.

Lucas manages to look away. He focuses on the car, remembering everything waiting for him back at the precinct. He murmurs about getting Riley home and turns on the engine, reaching for the gear shift.

Riley meets him there, touching his hand and keeping him from putting the car in drive. Lucas freezes and glances down at their hands, then at her, uncertain.

She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Keeping her hand on top of his, finding warmth and comfort in it even in the midst of so much chaos and darkness.

Lucas lets his gaze drift back to their hands. He hesitates… then flips his hand over and links their fingers together. Holding her securely, confirming the notion that she’s not alone.

The two of them sit there in silence a while longer, fingers intertwined and thoughts left unsaid.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

A refreshing change of pace, the rustic-style bar is bustling and lively with adults enjoying their Friday evening. Harper and Shawn are two of those responsible adults, clinking their shot glasses together before downing another at their high table. Shawn nearly chokes on his and Harper cracks up, signaling that both of them might already be a bit tipsy.

Shawn: You can hold your liquor, Burgess. [ coughing ] I’ll give ya that.

Harper: [ with a shrug ] I went to Triple A.

Shawn: Touche.

Harper smirks, picking at their shared nacho platter. There’s a beat of silence between them, then Shawn opts to speak.

Shawn: You’re right about a lot of things, I’ll give you that too. Mostly about me.

Harper, cringing: Well, I don’t know if --

Shawn: No, no, don’t diminish yourself on my account. Stuff you said to me… [ taking a sip of his beer ] Spot on, basically. Except the neckbeard comment. I will argue that.

Harper lets out a laugh, somewhere between amused and nervous. Shawn grows more serious, waiting for her to make eye contact with him.

Shawn: Truth is, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Never have. I got this job because my brother did me a favor, chance to get my life back on track, and I figured okay, sweet. I’ll get upright, find a better alternative, and blow this joint.

Harper: But…

Shawn: But those kids, man. They’re devious. They get in your head, and it’s like, suddenly you care about them. Suddenly you care more about their well-being than your own, and you can’t just walk away from that. [ a beat ] So I’m still here, but that doesn’t mean I know jackshit. Certainly not anymore than you do, even though I sure felt the need to make it seem like I did. [ a beat, sincerely ] And I’m sorry about that. You got thrown in the deep end, and I didn’t throw you a life preserver. That’s on me. And I’m even more sorry it took something like… all this to snap me out of it.

Harper absorbs this, trying to determine whether or not it’s genuine. Then she nods, taking a sip of her own drink.

Shawn: But I’ll tell you this, something else you should know about me. When I turn over a leaf, I turn it over. I’m telling you I’m on your side now, and you better believe it. [ raising his bottle in cheers ] We’re in the underworld, Burgess, but we’ll navigate together. Sound cool?

There’s a moment of contemplation. Then Harper manages a smile, clinking her glass against his. As their drinks meet --

EXT. NYPD PRECINCT - NIGHT

Asher’s car door slams, Lucas walking sheepishly from the parking lot to where Asher is waiting for him on the curb. He’s got his hands stuffed in his pockets, glaring at Lucas and shuffling restlessly from foot to foot. There are clearly things both of them want to say, but it’s gotten harder to speak now that they’re in front of one another again.

Lucas: Where’s Dylan?

Asher, shortly: His dad came to pick him up.

Brisk conversation. Lucas has made it to join him on the curb. He tentatively holds out his keys -- Asher snatches them from him, stepping off the curb without comment. Then he thinks better of it, whipping back around and approaching Lucas again. When he speaks, his voice is strained with anger, but also trembling.

Asher, fiercely: The next time you want to ruin your life, you can leave Dylan out of it!

Lucas attempts to cover for himself, to offer some sort of explanation that makes all of this better, but he can’t. There’s nothing he can say, and there’s no way to make this better. Asher clenches his teeth, eyes glossing over as he shakes his head at everything Lucas starts to say.

Asher: Look, you can do whatever you want, Lucas. You were right the whole time -- it doesn’t matter. Not to you.

Lucas: That’s not true.

Asher: You can do what you want, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. I’m done.

Asher turns to go, starting to head into the parking lot. Lucas steps down off the curb after him.

Lucas, panicked: Asher --

Asher: Don’t!

Both of them freeze. Lucas pauses and then steps back, respecting his wishes. Asher hesitates for one last second, almost turning around… and then he marches towards his car.

Lucas watches him go, looking more regretful than we’ve ever seen him. That is, until he turns back towards the precinct and sees Jack impatiently waiting for him by the front counter, looking absolutely livid.

INT. ASHER’S CAR - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Younger” as performed by Ruel || Performed by Asher Garcia

The instrumental starts just as Asher shuts the car door, taking a moment to absorb what the hell just happened. He lets out a sigh and falls back against the driver’s seat, pressing his palms to his eyes and trying to keep from crying.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - FLASHBACK - NIGHT

Asher’s performance takes on a slightly different structure than the rest, still split between the real world as he drives home and the AAA stage, but also this blast from the past. It’s essentially a fabrication of the origins of Lucas and Asher’s friendship, the two of them sneaking out late at night in freshman year to go wander around and talk. From the way they both grin and crack up as they go, despite being cast in shadow, it’s a stronger advocate for their relationship than anything we’ve seen as of late.

The things that Asher is so deeply holding onto, wishing things were that simple again.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

But as mentioned, he takes the stage too, and the emotion of the rendition makes it near masterful. The performers in the A class might be chilled to know there’s some serious talent hidden in the depths of the techie crew, and Asher is perhaps the most prominent example.

INT. GARCIA HOME - ASHER’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Asher makes it back to his bedroom as the song hits the bridge, clearly exhausted. He slips off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket, going to organize his things off his desk but getting caught on looking at his bulletin board again.

Carefully, he pulls another photo from the second layer of pinned items -- a picture of him and Lucas from freshman year. It’s difficult to look at, painful to acknowledge how much he feels like has changed. As he sings the lyrics “but we’re out of time,” he folds the picture in his fingers, like he’s crumpling it for good.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - FLASHBACK - NIGHT

The memory of Lucas and Asher have made it to Central Park, on the Gapstow bridge. Both of them are looking out over the edge, Lucas no longer looking at Asher.

Asher takes a moment to look at him -- really examine him, trying to figure him out. Wondering if the time they’re spending together is worth it, or if he’s wasting his energy on someone who will never return the favor.

Only this time, he doesn’t just stand there until Lucas is ready to move. As the song builds to the final chorus, memory Asher turns and hesitates one last moment… before walking away. Heading in the opposite direction, leaving Lucas behind him.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Which launches him right into the last chorus, delivering the powerful vocals with resounding emotional force. It’s obvious how difficult this is, how much it hurts, how badly he wishes this wasn’t how things were.

So I can't call you my brother, the way that we used to When we were younger, younger...

Asher finishes out the performance with a flourish, nearly stumbling as he backs out of the spotlight. He’s tear-stained, flushed, running a hand through his hair and honestly disoriented as he tries to figure out what he’s supposed to do next.

Then he exits the stage, leaving it empty and cold.

INT. BLUE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Isadora is in the living room, set up on the couch to crash for a few days. Blue comes in ready for bed, asking if there’s anything else he can get for her before he calls it a night. She assures him that it’s all good, and makes a point of thanking him for letting her stay. He tells her any time.

But it’s clear Isadora will not be finding rest any time soon. She scrolls through her phone, hesitating on the brink of a decision. Then she sits up, hitting call on her phone.

After a moment, VALERIE DE LA CRUZ picks up on the other end. She asks what’s up, and there’s a second where Isadora pauses. Then she starts to tell her everything, starting with Farkle and spiraling down into everything that’s happened since.

Actually opting to let her mother in, in spite of how unfamiliar the practice feels.

EXT. NYPD PRECINCT - NIGHT

Jack and Lucas exit the precinct, the former leading the charge and digging his keys from his pocket. Lucas lags behind, not wanting to have to go home but also not sure he wants to face Jack’s disappointment. It’s harsher than usual because it’s quiet. He’s not reprimanding him, he’s not yelling. It’s just… nothing.

Lucas: Aren’t you going to say anything?

Jack: I don’t think you want to hear what I want to say to you right now.

Lucas stops in the middle of the parking lot, not following him anymore. Jack realizes he’s no longer behind him, spinning and finding him waiting. Looking at him, expression blank, not defensive or waspish or bitter. Just waiting.

Jack sighs, holding his arms out.

Jack: Okay, you want to hear it? I don’t want to say anything because I don’t think it’s worth the effort.

Lucas, quietly: … not worth the effort.

Jack: Yes. Because there’s nothing I could say that I haven’t already said to you before. Don’t do this, don’t do that, think. Think. Think! But you never do. You never listen, and we always end up back in this spot, starting over again.

Lucas: … I didn’t mean for...

Jack: [ growing frustrated ] I can’t keep doing it, Lucas! I can’t keep sticking my neck out for you and trying to help only for you to take advantage of it at every turn. You can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped. So I’m not wasting my breath anymore. [ a beat ] Now get in the car so I can take you home.

Jack doesn’t wait for him to respond. He walks over to his car and unlocks it, keeping true to his word and not wasting anymore energy than necessary.

Lucas stands there for a moment, absorbing the full consequences of his actions. It’s like it’s all collapsing on him at once, domino after domino falling over until there’s nothing left. He’s caught in the red glow of Jack’s tail lights, a tear spilling over and sliding down his cheek.

He wipes at it hastily, sniffling and then shuffling his way over to the car. He climbs into the passenger seat without a word.

INT. HOSPITAL - LOBBY - NIGHT

Maya is still dressed in her graffiti garb, removing her knit cap and twisting it in her hands. She seems a bit lost as she tries to figure out where she’s going, the nurse at the front desk asking if there’s something she can help her with. She assures her she’s fine, and when she informs her that visiting hours are done for the evening, she explains she’s just here to pick up her sister from visiting their father.

She makes up a room number and sends the nurse on a wild goose chase, waiting until she’s out of sight to head down the opposite hallway and exploring for herself.

INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Maya makes her way along, reading spare paperwork and files as she goes to try and figure out where exactly she’s headed. Finally, she arrives at her destination, frozen in the doorway and unable to progress any further. The temporary nameplate on the door confirms she’s made it.

F. Minkus.

Maya peers around the door.

INT. HOSPITAL - FARKLE’S ROOM - NIGHT

And there is FARKLE MINKUS. Fatigued and hooked up to a dozen little wires but alive, seemingly snoozing in his hospital bed. A laptop and briefcase on the window seat indicates that he’s already got a visitor, but no one is around.

Maya stares at him for a long moment, until the sight of it becomes too much. She starts to turn away, making her escape --

Farkle: Maya?

She winces, not sure she actually heard him. She glances back over her shoulder, Farkle half-awake and blinking at her from across the room. He looks confused, but not upset to see her there. Maya deliberates before easing her way inside, taking the seat next to his bed.

Maya: … hi.

Farkle: What are you doing here? [ dazed ] Visiting hours are… except for family…

Maya: I just wanted -- I had to see you.

That said, it’s not necessarily for good reasons. Maya explains what Eric said, about all the emotions she might be feeling. And he’s right -- she is feeling all of that. She’s furious at him, furious that he would do this without even thinking about the rest of them. She’s mortified by the prospect of him not being there -- never being there again -- despite her statements that she’s better off without him. And because of that she’s confused, not sure whether she wants to forgive him or not but now all the things she was upset with him for originally feel trivial or stupid, which isn’t fair because he still did those things. And those things shouldn’t just get wiped clean because he tried to escape them permanently.

More than anything, though, she admits that she can’t believe he was going to leave without her. That he was just going to leave her behind in the most irreversible way possible, and she can’t even begin to wrap her head around that. She doesn’t want to exist in that world.

Maya: Everyone kept saying I needed to talk to someone. I had to talk to someone about you, about what happened. They kept saying that, but the only person who… the only person I could even fathom wanting to talk to was you.

That much, Farkle can understand. He’s clearly out of it, and it’s a wonder how much of this he’ll remember later, but it’s helping Maya to say it.

Maya: I just wanted to talk to you, but I don’t know if that’s what I wanted to say. I’m not sure what else to say. I’m still trying to… figure it out. I just hope that you -- I hope you realize --

She can’t articulate it. Farkle squints at her, trying to understand.

Maya: I don’t want this bullshit world if you’re not in it, Farkle. You got that? I’m not -- we’re not all dandy but -- it’s bullshit if it’s not with you.

Maya doesn’t offer the chance for clarifying questions. She rises from the seat and makes a hasty exit, disappearing before anyone can catch her or Farkle can ask something she doesn’t yet know the answer to.

INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Nothing Stops Another Day” as performed by Ghost Original Cast || Performed by Maya Hart

As Maya winds her way through the halls of the hospital, she launches into what is essentially the thesis of the episode -- and in some ways the season. Darkness is going to eclipse the light sometimes, and there will always be bad in the world. But the world keeps going regardless, and she can either succumb to it and disappear, or keep marching onward in spite of it.

Because the world keeps turning, and I guess it always will I can choose to turn around or I can choose to just stand still Either way, nothing stops another day...

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Of course, Maya delivers an equally stirring rendition while on the fictional AAA stage, completing the trend for performances of the evening. And, tellingly, this lyric rings particularly true as we come out of the frost of February and launch into the rest of our season:

Winter can’t hold back the spring, no matter how dark it may seem…

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Maya climbs back through the bay window, Riley already seemingly in bed and asleep after the crazy night she’s had. As Maya makes her way to her bed, she stops when she sees the item that has been left on her comforter.

The photo from Farkle’s locker of the two of them. Obviously left there by Riley, figuring she might want it all things considered.

As Maya rounds out the performance, she steps up to her future moodboard and adheres the photo to it. Surrounded by everything else, but taking a definitive space.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

The A class has assembled again on Monday, having survived another tough week. But the ripple effect of everything that has happened peeks through in subtle ways, like Maya nowhere near as glamorous and put together as usual and letting that vulnerability show. Isadora is next to her, equally as tired but still marching on. Asher is sitting closer to Dylan, their hands linked in his lap. Zay and Charlie can’t look at each other. Lucas is nowhere to be found.

Harper takes the front of the classroom, Shawn settling back against the teacher desk in the back and crossing his arms. Harper starts by apologizing for her outburst late last week, then explains that the reason she’s sorry is not because she had one, but because she wasn’t being candid with all of them. The truth of the matter is, this is just as difficult for her as it is for them, and she’s also feeling conflicted, overwhelmed, reckless, unsure.

In the midst of her speech, she grows uncertain. She glances back towards Shawn, who gives her an encouraging nod. Having her back, as he said he would.

She clears her throat, getting back on track. Some of her former confidence back intact, she explains that it doesn’t do anybody any good for them to struggle through this alone, so they’re going to get through it together. The class seems into this, offering weak smiles and nods. Dave gives an endorsing thumbs up.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Smile” as performed by Glee Cast || Performed by AAA Juniors

Harper gestures Riley up to stand with her, allowing her to take the reins and explain her idea of how to honor Farkle. As the soft guitar strums float in…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

The junior A class keeps it painstakingly simple for this performance, in their regular clothes and seated along the edge of the stage. Dylan and Dave play their guitars, Riley taking the gentle opening verse and then allowing the vocals to pass amongst their classmates. The divas abstain from solos, instead giving Yindra, Clarissa, Darby, and Yogi the chance to shine.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

While this unfolds, Riley leads her classmates in the decoration of Farkle’s locker. They’re adorning it with photographs, letters, flowers and warm wishes and small things for him to find when he finally returns to school. Each of them are taking the matter seriously, but also finding joy in the task. Lots of exchanged timid smiles, a couple of nervous laughs.

The reason Lucas is not in class is because he’s playing guard dog, set up on the floor next to Farkle’s locker and keeping people from stepping on the display or being careless around it. Putting his protectiveness and delinquency to good use. No one tries to stop him.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

A fair majority of the A class have shed tears in the process of the performance, but somehow it’s a good thing. Relieving, a sense of catharsis, all of them sharing in the emotion together rather than attempting to fumble with it on their own. Riley reaches out and takes Maya’s hand -- Isadora squeezes Dylan’s shoulder.

It’s nice to hear their voices in harmony again, singing about looking towards the future with optimism rather than dread. It’s not going to be easy, and there’s much to rebuild, but Maya’s earlier sentiment is right -- winter can’t hold back the spring, no matter how dark it may seem.

INT. HOSPITAL - FARKLE’S ROOM - DAY

Their assembled voices float over our last shot of Farkle, asleep in his hospital bed but in recovery. Completely unaware of the impact he’s had, how grateful people are that he’s still there. STUART MINKUS is there with him, having fallen asleep in the chair by his bed and holding his son’s hand.

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile…

END OF EPISODE.

IF ANY of the content in this episode has been triggering, please reach out and talk to somebody you trust and who can help you. The following links are resources including hotlines, prevention organizations, and international numbers.

Suicide Prevention: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

List of Suicide Hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines https://suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

#S2 #episodes #208 #and here we are.

15 notes · View notes

neshabeingchildish · 4 years

Text

Poly Wanna? Ch. 14

Content Warning for sexual discussion and conversation about anatomy, body image, and sex.

@adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @henry-p-fart @up-the-tube An update, Loves! I had time today. And mental availability.

Sense and Sens(ibility)uality

Nothing had to REALLY change, as far as Henry was concerned. Well… He'd been sexless for months, because he had only been able to feel sexual whenever he thought about them, and they weren't in a position to explore that, before. Now they were, and he didn't want to be the one to bring it up, lest he looked like that was his motivation for getting them to agree to be his. So, while he watched Jasper seduce Charlotte with his fingertips on a regular basis and saw her frequently grabbing, swatting, and rubbing on Jasper's butt. He kinda… just silently went without those types of affections. Jasper would kiss him hello on the neck whenever he came to bed at night, they held hands at brunch after their workouts and no hour was free from a hand kiss from Jasper, when they were in the same space for a while. But Char? She was something else.

She became awkward whenever Henry touched her, now, and she never seemed to be reaching for him. What changed? They had been doing so well before it became official. He decided that maybe he would ask Jasper about during one of their morning dates, and hoped that Jasp wouldn't tell him to ask her. He didn't, but Henry hated to hear what he had to say.

"You have to remember that she had a lot of time to stew in what you said about her sexually," Jasper told him, with a shrug. "You made her feel sexually incompetent and insecure about her body. Not necessarily in general… But, definitely at least with you. You told other people what she was bad at and what you hated about her appearance. She's not going to just feel comfortable trusting you in that space again because you got her a pretty ring. In fact, knowing her, she's never gonna let go of that. Even if she manages to forgive it completely."

"That was YEARS ago!" Henry complained.

"She's got the same body," Jasper said, then smiled and bragged, "But not the same skills!" Henry blushed. "I haven't had a single cause for complaint about anything she does with her mouth..."

"Okay!" Henry said, tight pantsed and frustrated.

"I can teach you what I did," Jasper said.

"Pssshhhht! I am a sex master. I could blow her mind, if you know… I had the chance."

"I can teach you what I did," Jasper repeated.

"Just… Tell me what you THINK you could teach me."

"Well… I never tried to have sex with Charlotte. Even when it became clear that there was something between us and when I was very much-so interested in having sex with her, I never tried to. Instead, I just appreciated everything else about her that I could."

"I know that and I do that."

"You know that in a textbook sort of sex and relationship specialist way, but you definitely do not do it."

"This morning, I thanked her for always making us juice!" Henry said.

"You did," Jasper acknowledged with a nod and the shrug of his shoulders, "I thanked her for taking time out of her day to do work that could only help make me better. It sounds like the same thing to you, but yours only thanked her for what she's doing for you. I made sure to focus in on the fact that I know that what she does for me takes something away from her - her time. She feels validated by that kinda stuff. Before we ever made love, I spent several of our times together just complimenting everything. Her looks, her actions - everything from the lines on her muscles, to the quality of her hair, from how she kissed to the sounds she made whenever I touched her. Like… EVERYTHING. She needs attention and validation, but she would NEVER say that she does or ask for it. She's a proud person and she only tends to open herself up to those that she doesn't have to ask for the things that she knows that she deserves. And her standards were already high, and she has been with this super amazing dude that has made her feel even more worthy, so her standards are like super amazingly high now. Only somebody willing to go above, beyond and then some are gonna register to her on the intimacy level. Like, I think she wants to trust you and love you and stuff, but I think that you haven't really shown her anything more than love. You're gonna have to learn to worship."

Henry sat and thought a while, nursing his mimosa as Jasper watched, stirring his boozy milkshake with the wide straw. Finally, Henry sighed and said, "Teach me." Jasper's face was filled with victory.

All three of them had the night off. Charlotte had been working primarily on her project with Schwoz, forsaking the lounge to do so, though she and Henry went in to visit Jasper sometimes and they still called her for musical performances. But, on this night, Henry had cooked, while some of her favorite music played in the background and she read on the couch with the fluffy blanket around her. Henry had brought her some pre-dinner fruit and told her, "I know that you're saving the world in your own special way whenever you spend time in the lab, so I wanted you to be able to relax tonight." She furrowed her eyebrows at this, but graciously accepted the plump, assorted, peeled grapes.

Jasper had on his booty shorts and her eyes followed him all around the house, as he did stuff. Henry was in a pair of silk pajamas and she was wondering why both of them were dressed for bed when nobody had even eaten yet. But you know what? Her book was good and she was getting eyefuls of butt, so she wasn't gonna question a thing… Out loud… just yet. She continued reading and ogling, where desired and eventually got up.

"Are you going to bed?" Henry wondered.

"Unless you don't want me to? I can go to my room if you and Jasper have plans," she said.

"I kinda wanted us all together tonight," Henry said and shrugged his shoulders a little.

"Okay. Well, I'll most likely still be awake whenever you come to bed. I'm not hungry. I just had a queen's share of grapes."

"We'll be in after dinner," Jasper said.

"Can you come see something for a moment?" She asked him.

"Without Henry?" He clarified, a little bit wound up.

She shut her book and smiled a little. "Okay. So, I feel like the two of you are up to something, but I don't know what, so tell me whether or not this is my imagination."

Jasper smiled gently and shrugged his shoulders, "You're the smartest person here. We can't get anything past you. We're definitely up to something. I'm helping Henry learn to win your affections."

"I don't think that what you have can be taught, Jasper. Henry is going to have to appeal in his own way," she said, shaking her head.

"Okay," Jasper said. She could tell that it was not okay.

"Anyway, drawing me to your thickums booty buttcheeks isn't even something that Henry is equipped to do," she said.

"No offense to Henry, but RIP to what would have been his butt."

-Charlotte

"I OBVIOUSLY was not trying to learn how to entice her with my butt!"

-Henry

"Know what? Dinner can wait. Let's just chill for a little bit. Is that okay?" Jasper asked, in the voice. She knew that voice. The soft, loving, I am gonna love you down really good, if you let me voice. She ALWAYS let him do whatever he suggested in that voice. She'd jokingly said it was one of his superpowers.

"They make a lot of jokes about my sex culture, but really… it's no joke. I'm very serious about everything. Those are serious moments, to me. I've never really had a casual encounter or meaningless one. For me, any time that I'm granted someone's space intimately, that's a sign of trust and expectation. I want to be able to deliver whatever it is that my partner is looking for. That's something that hasn't always been reciprocated for me, but I think I'm finally in a situation where it will be and I kinda want all of us on that same wavelength. Charlotte and I are amazing together. Henry and I were amazing together in a different way. The three of us could be dream status amazing, but it'll take work, of course."

Charlotte nodded her head to Jasper's suggestion. Henry noted that her eyes changed color They looked darker, were heavy lidded and glossy, twinkling. Jasper hoisted her up, seemingly with no ease at all. Henry also paid attention to that, because Charlotte was light and tiny, but he still had to put a little work into picking her up… or at least he used to. Maybe it'd be easier these days. At any rate, he followed them to the bedroom. Charlotte stared at Jasper's face the entire walk there and whenever he set her on the bed, her eyes still didn't leave him. That sharp, dedicated focus - Henry envied it. He remembered her watching him very intently at one point, too. Seeing her with Jasper was still a blend of envy and enticement, but something that he now felt like he was entitled to, instead of imposing upon. The levels of emotional confusion within the relationship were ever changing, at the moment and he knew that might last for a little while, until the three found their groove within their new title. The professional in him knew that there could be a loving, giving, fulfilling relationship between all three of them, without there being isolation or discord.

The Henry in him felt like Charlotte was going to have involuntary turf wars with him anytime he wanted to get close to Jasper. Jasper was the most… accommodating, of the three of them. Henry was the most selfish. Charlotte was the most sensitive, if you can believe it. She wasn't sensitive in that she still cried about the past or got her feelings hurt easily. But, she was sensitive as in - she was the last to have been faced with addressing her pain and it was still a sore spot for her AND she was a little untrusting, even if she didn't WANT to be.

Charlotte, a naturally suspicious person, who learned at an early age that she couldn't trust the very first man that she was taught how a man is supposed to love, who at a less young, but still young age found out that she couldn't even trust the men that she thought she had done well in selecting as friends, if nothing else, and now, not only was she to trust them both with her heart, mind and body, but trust them not to forsake her as they also had access to each others'? It was a lot to expect of such a suspicious person who already had been betrayed in the past. It was easier for her to trust Jasper. Not only had they already dealt with him dating Henry almost as soon as she left the picture, but they had also talked about their relationship beyond him, had built up a relationship beyond him and had a relationship, a great one, in tact before he came back into their lives. So, Henry was well aware that not only was he dealing with her conscious distrust for the obvious and stated reasons, but also the subconscious one that probably identified him as a wedge that had become between she and Jasper. She would take some time to fully accept that he was not that, but a blanket that both of them could wrap themselves in for warmth and security.

Watching she and Jasper kiss was like a religious experience for Henry. He saw such love, trust, service. It was like watching someone do the thing that they were most passionate about - something sacred and wholesome that they allowed him to be a part of, and he felt the weight of its importance and the honor of his access. Jasper's fingers traced Charlotte's curves and angles, and he glanced at Henry and beckoned him closer with the soft jerk of his head. Henry came over and sat in a seat next to the bed. Jasper scoffed and collecting him by the tips of his fingers to gently guide him to the bed. Charlotte simply watched. Henry took that as permission and got into bed next to them, rested his face on his fist as he lay on his side to observe this magic up close. These were the two most beautiful creatures in the world, as far as he knew, and they both wanted to be here, with him.

Jasper walked his fingers across Charlotte's skin, like it was a little man and told Henry, "Whenever Charlotte and I first became intimate, I told her that I wish that I could shrink myself down in size, so that exploring her could be a long, adventurous journey. I drew a path on her body of the places that I would explore, confessed where I would spend most of my time, professed how I would commune with my surroundings on the emprise."

Winded, Charlotte said, still staring into Jasper's eyes, but clearly addressing Henry, "It was like, he knew that I wanted him already and that I was ready for him, but he wanted to make me completely powerless against him."

"You don't need to have power against me in this setting, Goddess. I'm just here to serve you. Not making you powerless, but giving you gifts that assure you that your power can rest, for now. You've got me to give you what you need in these moments." He glanced at Henry and said, "And now, you have him, too."

Charlotte's eyes lit up as she looked at Henry with anticipation. Of what, he wasn't sure, but he knew that all he wanted in life was to give her whatever it was! Not knowing made him hesitate. What did she want? Should he make a move? Should he do what he'd just seen Jasper do, or would that make her feel less trustworthy of him and what he was bringing into her life? Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly during his thought processing and he also noticed that the light in her eyes dimmed a little. WHAT did she need from him? Should he just ask her?

Henry reached for Charlotte's hand and she felt her heart jump. "Hey…" He said, delicately, "I have no idea what you want or need from me, but I'm learning, okay? I'm paying attention. I'm taking it all in. Every word, every single action, even the smallest flicker of light in your eyes and the most seemingly unnoticeable slump of your shoulders. I'm noting these things, so I can be greater later. It might take me some time, but I don't just want to be right for you, I want to be perfect for you, like Jasper is, but with it being me, bringing me and me giving you what you request and require of me. Please, trust me and also, if it isn't asking too much of you, help me?"

Her shoulders fell a little more, but this time, in a more relaxed manner. "I'm sorry, Henry. You've been amazing, I promise. It isn't you that's causing the problem that you're noticing. It's me. Unlearning is not as easy for me as it might be for other people, because I'm used to being right. So, whenever I'm not… It takes me a little while longer to disprove my original mindset, to myself. You haven't done anything wrong, as far as I know. You don't have to stress yourself out over it." He leaned forward to kiss her, pausing in front of her lips, in case it wasn't okay, so she could meet him the rest of the way. She met him and he melted.

Henry was learning a lot from Jasper. He liked the way that he peppered in appreciation/affirmation into what he was doing, no matter how small the action seemed. Jasper was very vocal and interactive in an endearing way, not necessarily a "dirty talk" way, that Henry would have subscribed to (and liked personally, for himself too). But, with Jasper, it was more like he would already be in the process of having you, but he's still seducing you, too. And Henry loved Jasper and Charlotte's takes on why that was. He believed there was truth to both. Jasper definitely wanted to render her powerless, but he was sure that Jasper also wanted her to feel comfortable, safe and treasured.

The first time that Jasper saw Henry fiddling with Charlotte's breasts, he saw her face wrinkle in… something, and he stopped to figure out where he went wrong. "They aren't stress balls, Henry," Jasper said, with a tiny laugh. It should be noted that Jasper's comment was caring, not mocking. Jasper collected both of Charlotte's breasts tenderly cupped in his large hands and kissed her on the cheek. "Do you know what these are for? They're powerful. They're meant to feed, nourish, and make smarter and healthier babies. In the meantime, she allows us to enjoy them for entertainment. That does include stress relief, but she's not some inanimate object of affection, therefore also no part of her can be. Give, even these the same respect and consideration you give to her as a person. They're part of her person."

Henry wasn't sure when Jasper became so knowledgeable and smooth in these areas but he loved it. Charlotte broke into his thoughts with an observation, "Henry likes to smash them together and put his penis in the middle and rub it between them. I'm not really built for it, so they're not as fun for him as they seem to you."

Jasper shrugged his shoulders and said, "More titty for me."

Henry interjected, "That is NOT an issue that I have! That was years ago and I already apologized for that…" Jasper and Charlotte both stared at him, Jasper's hands still boob cuffing. Henry wanted to giggle about that cute image, but kept his straight face on. "I was young and stupid. I didn't know that would ever be found out and I didn't think that it would be as big of a deal as it was. I'm sorry that I gave you a complex…" Jasper winced and Charlotte scoffed, but that was exactly what Henry could tell that he had done. He probably gave her multiple negative body issues, being her first love, the first person she was intimate with and also the first to break her heart in such a disrespectful and disparaging way.

Jasper kissed her on the cheek as she said, "It's not a complex if the issue is something that the person only has with YOU. I don't feel any kind of way about Jasper coming in contact with my breasts. He's always valued and appreciated all of me. So, no, I don't have a complex. I have reservations about somebody who talked negatively about my body interacting with said parts of body!"

"That's valid," Henry said and nodded his head, thinking he probably had made her recoil back into her shell with him by even suggesting it. She WAS the sensitive one. He forgot that sometimes, because she was so tough.

Jasper said, "If it has to happen, Hen - I've got squishable titties you can use."

Henry was going to argue that this wasn't a real issue that he had, but also… That idea needed to have a pin stuck into it, for later, because Henry did love boob stuff. He made a mental note and removed Jasper's hands from Charlotte. "I've got these!" He said. (Jasper still talked him through his experiences with them).

"Whenever Charlotte first let me see those, I was in awe. She's majestic. All of her parts are so perfect and proportioned like artwork, and she was a little reserved and uncomfortable, so I wasn't going to focus on anything else, but them, until she relaxed or if it would have happened, realized that she wasn't into it and told me that she was gonna go home." Henry's newfound appreciation and attention to her body definitely had the desired effect. She relaxed, and they were able to move on.

Henry was a very quick learner when it came to sex-related stuff. That was ONE area in which he didn't need to pay close attention or study hard or work harder. After the initial getting Charlotte to warm up to him, he was certain that she at least enjoyed him. Of course, he had that sinking feeling in his gut that she didn't appreciate him like she did Jasper, but that was probably because Jasper was simply that impressive. He'd actually gotten better with time, and was either way better than Henry remembered, or Henry felt differently about it because he felt differently about him. He did love those titties though. Jasper went shirtless a lot around the house. Charlotte usually went bottomless, either bare in a big shirt of Jasper's (which Henry figured was why he was walking around shirtless), or in a pair of undies and whatever shirt she'd had on that day or the night before. Between the both of them, Henry could hardly focus once he stepped foot inside of the place.

Jasper got groped and cuddled a lot. Henry always hugged on him and messed with his manboobies and Charlotte sometimes literally did not remove a hand from his butt. Like, one day, he was watering plants so Henry could sleep in after a rough night of crime fighting, and she followed him around, complimenting and rubbing on it… like, the WHOLE time! He couldn't concentrate and ALMOST over-watered someone! As a result, even though it was her "fault," she took the watering can in one hand to finish watering the plants, told Jasper to come with her and kept a handful of Jasper butt the entire time. One of them was constantly fondling his chest, and the other his butt, and NO! He absolutely was NOT complaining, but… jeesh! Between the both of them, he could hardly get anything done with all of the… bodily appreciation.

Cuddle dates were boss, though. Henry would hug him from the back, cupping his chest (an erogenous area for Jasper) and Charlotte would have her head rested on his chest/Henry's hands, her hair blessing both and both her petite little hands cradling his Jasper's butt cheeks.

"I think that because Charlotte loves butts and Henry doesn't really have one and Henry loves boobs and Charlotte doesn't really have much, I am the designated fun bags. I'm okay with that sometimes, but not like… ALL the time. I'm a human bean!"

"Did you say human BEAN?" - Interviewer

"What else would I say?"

"Okay… I really love the attention that my wondrous man titties and my thicc juicy booty gets, but I need some space!" Jasper snapped. Henry and Charlotte's eyes widened, and they only both just realized that they were rubbing on said parts while Henry was playing on his phone and Charlotte was reading an article on her Pearpad. Jasper had been sitting there, obviously trying to play a video game, but hands were on his person.

Charlotte nodded, got up out of the bed and said, "Of course, BootyBear. Sorry about that." Henry slid over some on the bed, gave her a look and returned to his phone. Charlotte sat down on the floor and Henry sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. She snuggled against his legs like a cat and he put his hand in her hair and began to pet her. Jasper glanced over at the two of them and instantly regretted sending them away. But… that was healthy! It was what he needed at the moment and they respected that. Nobody argued with him or said it was no big deal or anything like that.

After a while, Charlotte got tired of sitting on the floor and climbed into Henry's lap. It wasn't as cozy as Jasper's but she adored this feeling, as well. Later still, Jasper leaned back, on the two of them, putting his head between Char's thighs and noticed the amount of times Henry's hand reflexively reached for his chest, but he either quickly retracted it or Charlotte caught it and interweaved their fingers, kissed his hand and gave him a sympathetic look. I know you want to squish our juicy boy, but he's feeling a way right now. Eventually, Henry just rested his free hand on Charlotte's breast. It was THAT small and it was actually softer than Jasper's, especially since he'd been working out so regularly again these days. And she nestled her hair into his neck, which slightly tickled, but in a way that you didn't want it to end.

Jasper cut off his video game and turned on some relaxation music, then turned around, this time face forward to lay in between Charlotte's thighs and fall asleep. His nose was directly in between her legs but he wasn't doing or trying anything sexual. She just had a scent that they all loved and whenever he was tired enough, it was warming and soothing, as opposed to the effect it had on him when he was full of energy and ready to go. Charlotte stroked his hair, continuing to read. Henry stroked hers, continuing to browse his emails. Jasper slept peacefully, without being objectified. Stuff was working out pretty gooooood.

#Poly Wanna #Nesha HD Fics #henry danger #henry hart #charlotte page #jasper dunlop #hd ot3

5 notes · View notes