#it seemed a lot like he just misunderstood the nature of the assignment there for a minute | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

helenazbmrskai · 3 years

Text

This Summer

Guess who’s back with another yoongi fic featuring my favourite trope so here’s another brother’s best friend au, I wanted to try a different setting for this one since I like summer camp aus a lot (and there’s not enough of it on this site I tell you) and I never did something similar to this also I’m sorry that there will be mistakes in here because I wrote this in three days but I’ll proofread it once I have the energy.

🏕️Title: ‹This Summer›

🏕️Pairing: ‹brother’s best friend and camp counsellor! yoongi x new camp counsellor! reader ft. brother and camp counsellor! hoseok›

🏕️Genre: ‹brother’s best friend, summer camp, camp counsellor, romance, fluff, angst, smut, idiots to lovers›

🏕️Summary: ‹This summer you’re going to stop liking min yoongi for good. The plan is flawless until it’s not (but you’re not the only one with plans.)›

🏕️Warnings: ‹smut, making out, oral (both parties) receiving, penetrative sex, condom sex, dirty talk, yoongi is jealous of jungkook having your boobs against his chest, y/n avoids yoongi like it’s her life mission for like 5k straight, a lot of angst but there will be fluff too so don’t worry, awkward tension, sexual tension, clueless hobi, everyone is stupid in this, jungkook likes meddling with y/n’s life a little bit too much, poor tae facing yoongi’s wrath without any reason lol›

🏕️Word count: ‹12.3k›

🏕️Masterlist l read radio sweethearts if you want another brother's best friend yoongi l enjoy!

Your brother is a ticking time bomb, no one knows when he’s going to take something into his head, he’s that annoying sibling that’s always full of energy and twists everyone around his pinky finger on family dinners. You love him with your whole heart, considering you ripped that mean girl’s hair out in elementary school when she called your baby brother (who is older than you but shh) ugly and made him cry.

Hoseok and you are polar opposites he’s cheery and positive always have a big smile on his face, ready to help all the old ladies with heavy shopping bags cross the street while you’re on the quiet side and often misunderstood.

It’s easy to see on holiday dinners and get-togethers that your relatives favour him over you because you’re less talkative and friendly, he has better achievements in life whilst you struggle with school but those you’re close with know the real you and awkward conversations about your nonexistent boyfriend because you’re so deeply in love with your brother’s best friend is not the best ice breaker your distant grandmas try to pull on you. Even so, when Yoongi decides to tag along to those said dinners accompanied by his parents and little sister, might just hell break loose.

The second man who basically acts like he lives in your house is your best friend slash knight in shining armour and partner in crime; simply named Jeon Jungkook for good measure who is your next-door neighbour. You have tons of unforgettable memories with him as he was the one you went to prom with, annoyed all the teachers on field trips with your loud rap battles and cried on each other's shoulders as you graduated high school together.

Your friendship with him came as a surprise to all your family members as they originally thought your brother and him will become close but instead, he spent most of his time with you while yoongi and hoseok with their other friends hang out separately. On rare occasions, your group would mix and go to see a popular movie or play games at the arcade on someone’s birthday.

Summer usually is the time when things are a little slow. No assignments to do or classes to attend, your brother leaves in early July for this summer camp that’s half a day far away from your home with his friends and the last two summers even Jungkook applied to be a camp counsellor as he likes to be surrounded by kids and nature just like your brother does so literally, everyone left for some time leaving you alone in your hometown with nothing to do but it was better this way because away from Hoseok meant that Yoongi will be far away too.

Your brother tries to persuade you every year to go with them but you always have to decline, sometimes your no is firmer than other times because Hoseok is excellent at using his puppy eyes on you.

However, this summer you had other plans. There’s no bell to ring once the last class is dismissed for the semester, tired from your finals you’re going to dedicate at least a week to catch up on your sleep and fix your eating habits but you have a big smile on your face as you climb into Jungkook’s run-down Ford slamming the car door behind your body since they don’t function properly sometimes. This car is his prized possession, got it for his 18th birthday after he successfully passed his test (at the forth try) and bragged about his driving license to you for over two weeks although you only dared to sit next to him after two months. Jungkook named his car Adonis and forbid you of disrespecting his little baby if you want to ever get a lift so you let him be.

Back to your important inner turmoil, you decided you will no longer simp over Min Yoongi your brother’s best friend and this summer you’ll get over him as a grown-up woman. Being in your second year at the local University that all the boys attend it’s surprisingly easy to avoid your brother and his friends and how everyone’s schedule seems to be so packed all the time during the semester, you don’t see them as much as you used to in high school.

”This was your last final, right?” Jungkook turns the ignition key ready to leave this hellhole of a place, holding your headrest with one hand as he turns to see the back of the car so he can back out of the parking lot without any accidents. You grab the smoothie from the cup holder before humming in agreement and take a sip whilst taking in your best friend’s features you haven’t seen for the past week.

”As soon as I get home I’m going to sleep till the next century.” Your dramatic response earns a chuckle and a jab to your left boob as he didn’t take his eyes off the road while delivering his hit. Jungkook wears his signature white tee with a pair of dark blue jeans no traces are left of the stress both of you went under, he was luckier than you as his finals ended a week ago.

”School sucks, we couldn’t even have fun together and I’m leaving next week. I’m going to miss you, you know. You really won’t come with us?” He tried to make you rethink your decision just like your brother but not even his bambi eyes can waver your summer plans, this time you fully intend to have one more Min Yoongiless summer, this silly crush you have on your brother’s best friend can’t continue.

”There’s always one place left for you at the camp Y/N. Hoseok would love to see you there too and we could spend so much time together.” The idea of spending a few weeks with Jungkook sounds nice but a voice in your head reminds you that Yoongi will be there too. He could be yelling at children and wear his trademark grumpy expression but you would still find something attractive about him. The worst part is that he’s never like that with you.

Yoongi is not as talkative as Jungkook or Hoseok, making him be more like you, at first you thought that your crush developed because he seemed to understand you in a different way your brother couldn’t. He cares for his friends, always making sure to show them by doing thoughtful gestures.

Hoseok tells his friends all the time that you and him are a package deal it’s either both of you or none of you, sometimes people have a problem with that but these five boys he hangs out with for years now are the good exception. You like them even though you don’t like all of Hoseok’s friends.

”I’m sorry Koo but I can’t, we talked about this before.” It’s not like you hate children because you don’t you’re not the best with them but they are ok, the heatwave is what you despise in summer camps. You love being in an air-conditioned place without bug bites all-around your ankles and not even the campfire with yummy marshmallows could persuade you to like outdoor activities.

Summer camps are just not your thing.

”What do you mean you signed me up?” The black t-shirt slips through your fingertips, it has a band logo at the front you remember Hoseok liked back in high school, his suitcase is halfway filled with clothes when he decided to tell you he faked your signature to sign you up as the new summer camp counsellor.

You admit that you have a weird talent for making nice origamis that kids would probably love to learn and a good addition to the routine activities, he would have swayed you with compliments if it weren’t for the fact that he faked your signature and signed you up for something you definitely said no to but still decided to do it without your permission. You heard nice things about the camp itself since it got renovated two years ago and Hoseok’s friends are nice people, he said their co-workers are nice people and your best friend would be there too, don’t get the wrong impression there, you even heard that the camp leader Seokjin is nice and a fun person not strict at all unless it concerns the kid's safety because he will not allow that.

”Don’t be mad, please. Jungkook and I just thought that this could be a fun experience for you, things will get busy next year so it’s going to be the last summer together like this. Pretty please?”

You sighed defeatedly as you can’t possibly say no to that when he phrases it like that. Hoseok looks at you with his round big eyes full of hope. Your summer plan was flawless until…it’s not.

Jungkook came almost knocking down your front door when you called him to come over after you were finally done helping Hoseok finish packing for the trip, you scolded your best friend for not stopping your brother as soon as he learned his scheme about ruining your summer plans you felt furious but he picked up on his way over to your house your favourite coffee flavoured candies and it made you forgive him too easily as you were soon munching on the treat.

It’s a huge disadvantage on your part that he knows your preferences so well. Now you can understand why he always seems so frustrated with you when you make him his favourite dish to get him to forgive you, this is just too much power to have over someone and when he crushes you with his tight hug listing out the things the two of you can do at the camp all of your remaining anger vanishes.

You will think about Min Yoongi later.

That later, however, comes sooner than you anticipated. Sitting on the kitchen stool drinking your coffee while all Hoseok’s noisy friends get a fill of breakfast and a cup of coffee, you have the unfortunate fate of housing all the boys to dine before getting on the road and after a lost rock, paper, scissors thanks to your brother’s ridiculous bad luck you become the host.

The kitchen got filled with animated chit-chats as they place a toast or two on their plates over the noises you almost don’t hear Jungkook next to you asking for the jam but you pass him the jar silently. Yoongi and Jimin are the only ones missing from the group because Yoongi has to drive Jimin to his parent’s place to pick up his car that he got repaired recently so they were running a bit late.

Namjoon is a new addition to the group after Hoseok met him in Uni so you don’t know him that well but he’s nice as far as you’re concerned, you talked to him a few times and his interesting topics never fail to entertain you. Jin steals a toast from Namjoon’s plate so he doesn’t need to get up and fetch one for himself but Namjoon looks too tired to care as he munches on his remaining one toast that his friend can’t steal because it’s halfway in his mouth.

Seokjin’s parents run the bakery on the main road so everyone knows him, he got introduced to the friend group when you were still in high school and you and Jungkook were regulars at the shop. Jin always sneaked a pair of baguettes for the two of you exclusively after you were finished with school.

It’s nice to see all these familiar faces after the stressful semester you had, momentarily forgetting about your problems you feel thankful that Hoseok went out of his way to ruin your plans and sign you up for this train wreck of an adventure, it’s been a while since everyone was together like this.

The doorbell rang interrupting Jungkook and Seokjin’s argument about who’s going to get the last toast piece but Hoseok perked up at the sound yelling excitedly that Yoongi and Jimin are here. Your brother quickens his pace after rising from his seat to open the door for them and grins when they step through the threshold.

Greetings are exchanged between friends and the place becomes livelier as the last pieces decide to join the puzzle, Jimin sees you first and knocks into Jungkook’s shoulder while he tries to get to you to give you a warm hug.

It’s been a while since you last saw Yoongi face to face, you’re added to the boy's group chat so in some depth you knew how he’s doing. He has been over at your house a few times hanging out with Hoseok but you always stayed late inside the library on the days he visited using the weak excuse that you need to catch up on school work so you had no chance of crossing paths with him coincidently while you were searching for a glass of water in the kitchen it’s humiliating enough that he saw you exit your bathroom wearing only a towel when you were a teenager.

Your curves became more defined and your body matured a lot over the years and knowing that he saw you like that when you had no ass or boobs. It’s embarrassing. Hoseok liked you that way because it meant no man would thirst over you as he liked to call it. The memory of him telling the boys that you’re off-limits and made them swear at the ’bro code’ to stay away from you is crystal clear in your mind even if now you are in your twenties.

The memory only makes your situation difficult as Yoongi probably doesn’t feel the same way.

As soon as Jimin steps back and releases you from the hug he has Jungkook in a headlock the next second, wrestling with the younger playfully, Jungkook is probably the closest to Jimin after you.

”Hey, it’s nice to see you.”

Yoongi has a half-smile on his face as he approaches you hesitantly pulling you into a hug like Jimin did but his approach is more gentle and careful as he pats your back with featherlight touches. His scent envelops your senses tuning out everything else that’s not him, it feels like forever that you hugged him, normally the two of you greet each other but rarely hug like this.

”Yeah, you too.” You murmur the words into his shoulder but he must have heard you because the side of his lips turned slightly upwards after you separate.

There are two cars available for the eight of you and Seokjin yells that it’s a matter of a game of rock, paper, scissors and everyone agrees as this is the common way your group chose who is riding with who.

”Easy, the losers ride with Jimin and the winners with Yoongs.” Jungkook is the first one to initiate the rules and everyone agrees except Jimin who whines about why he takes the losers but no one pays attention as the bloody battle starts. The first contestants are Namjoon and Hoseok and your brother ends up loosing while yelling like a banshee and making up excuses that he wanted to show rock and not paper as Namjoon choose scissors as his weapon.

You come up next with Jungkook as your opponent and you let a wicked smile appear on your face because no one knows him better than you, you know his move before he even thinks it through and you show paper getting your well-deserved victory.

Just later you realise that winners ride with Yoongi that you reconsider your decision, you were so caught up in your rivalry that’s your friendship’s base foundation with Jungkook at this point that it slipped your mind entirely.

Taehyung and Jin are the last ones to compete and the battle ends with Taehyung winning the last space in Yoongi’s car leaving Seokjin to dramatically kneel like a wounded soldier making fake sobbing noises. Taehyung ends up changing seats with Jungkook last moment and finally, everything is set to get going.

Jungkook and Namjoon take over the backseat as they loaded their luggage at lightning speed so they can claim their spot first leaving you with the only option to have the passenger seat at the front.

Yoongi obviously got behind the steering wheel entrusted with the task of operating the car throughout this long drive to the summer camp sight. Taehyung, Jin and Hoseok got into Jimin’s car like it was decided by the game.

The camp is bigger than you expected and the renovations got the place a little modern touch to it while still maintaining a close feel to nature with all the wooden houses and trees around but your favourite part is the lake at the far end of the campsite.

You share a room with a girl counsellor that spends her second year here, still, relatively new like yourself so it’s easy to befriend her. The campers will arrive the next day early in the morning Areum informs you as you two walk to the dining area to have the first meeting before everything starts.

By the end of the day, everyone knows you’re Hoseok’s little sister and new people approach you every now and then to confirm the facts and know a little bit more about you since everyone seems to like your noisy brother here (not that it surprises you), it looks like the counsellors are excited to start a new summer here and the atmosphere easily pulls you in, you watch Jimin and Jungkook have a water fight just to catch in the corner of your eye the figure of your brother pushing an unsuspecting Seokjin into the lake when he stands too close to the edge.

The day goes by like a flash as you hang out with Areum, she shows you her favourite places that consists of the greenhouse and the other side of the lake where there are built benches and tables for outdoor picnics.

Jungkook pouts during dinner fake crying that you replaced him and you have to forcefully spoon feed him to stop him from embarrassing you in front of all these unfamiliar people that gathered to have some quiet dinner. So everything goes smoothly, you have such a great time that it scares you.

It’s getting pretty late when all counsellors gather around the campfire to roast marshmallows and catch up with each other’s lives, you’re still new so you use this time to get to know Areum a little bit more since you and her are going to be responsible for entertaining the kids inside the art room alongside with Taehyung who teaches the kids how to paint.

You tell her about your silly hobby that landed you this job and she gets really excited to see your origami creations, you show the same enthusiasm when she reveals her major is classical statuary.

Even though Yoongi was always nearby it got easy to ignore his existence when so many new things surrounded you. It didn’t mean he fully left your thoughts throughout the day but made you feel that sense of false security that you could get over him. That all those years of pinning for your brother’s best friend could just vanish if you told your heart to stop skipping beats when he calls your name. Boose soon gets introduced to the mix and by the time midnight rolls around everyone is pleasantly buzzed and when Jungkook enters the state that he hangs off of you like a koala nuzzling his cheek into the crook of your neck you decided to call it a night.

You wake up with your head thumping inside your skull slightly feeling hangover; your roommate is in a similar state as you two approach the dining room getting small slices of bread to make a light sandwich.

You’re mid-bite into your food when you see Yoongi enter, walking alongside with your brother he catches your gaze sooner than you were able to look away and after they get their fills on their trays your loud brother flops down next to you with the loudest greeting that he could possibly muster up alerting everyone in the ten-metre radius.

Yoongi and you groan at the same time telling him to shut up like it’s a scripted response and your eyes meet for the barest of seconds before you focus on your half-eaten sandwich.

It’s hard not to look at him. Despite his gruff exterior, he’s very good at dealing with children, your activity where kids can learn how to fold origami is always after his cookie baking lesson and he smells like rough cookie dough and chocolate ship when he leads the kids into the art room where you would have all the coloured papers ready at each desk and folded a sample beforehand so they can use it as a reference if the instructions don’t look clear enough in the printed page.

The idea for this lesson formed last night, you were up all night as you researched on the internet how to fold hearts. It kept you up till the sun rose as you were trying out every folding technique that would look pretty but easier to do for the kids, you even accidentally cut your finger with the scissor while you were working using only the faint light from the lamp on the bedside table.

Yoongi greets you like he usually would wearing a little smile at the corners as he lets the kids inside first holding the door open for them, he always leaves silently after he delivered the campers to the art room but this time the door slides closed behind his form as he got dragged into the room by a kid named Minsung holding onto Yoongi’s hand he stood awkwardly while everyone else had a decided seat to take.

”Can Yoongi join us today Y/N?” Minsung asks holding Yoongi’s hand as he leads him further into the art room and every kid looks expectantly at you waiting for you to agree and seeing their faces you nod with a smile pulling out the chair next to you beckoning the embarrassed man to sit beside you.

He didn’t think you would say yes if he’s being honest. After you finished high school and he and Hoseok went to University and got busy with life he started to see you less and less, at first he didn’t think much of it but after some time it looked like that you’re actively avoiding him.

He has no idea why (that’s what eats him from the inside out on sleepless nights) he doesn’t remember saying or doing something that would make you upset and even now when you keep bumping into each other you seem skittish around him and he doesn’t like that, hence he even talked to Hoseok about this and your own brother couldn’t give him an answer why you started avoiding him.

”Do you know how to fold origami?” You ask him slipping papers in front of him as soon as he seats himself beside you, your heart beats inside your chest violently when you get enveloped in his scent yet again reminding you of the hug you shared that you’re afraid he’s going to hear it.

”I barely know how to fold my clothes.” The nervous joke lightens the mood as the kids laugh loudly the poor attempt at making you be more comfortable with him earns a little snort that makes a blush creep up your face rapidly in embarrassment but Yoongi thinks you sound adorable. You think you sounded like a troll.

”It’s fine I’ll help you.” Your little smile is still there even though your eyes are no longer on Yoongi as you focus on the kids, you tell them first what they will make and then go into detail how they can fold it while using the instructions and clearing some of the confusing images for them to understand it better. Lastly, you encourage them to not be afraid to ask if they have questions and you’ll gladly help them. It falls silent after as everyone gets absorbed in their work and you start making extra origamis for the children as usual until someone needs help.

Yoongi looks intent on finding out using the illustrations how to proceed and even though your instructions were pretty clear and well detailed he couldn’t figure out how to do it, he wastes two papers before he even got to the third step.

You see him struggling and he clearly gets worked up over it considering the number of creases appearing on his forehead once you get back to your desk after helping a kid figure out the instructions you move your chair closer getting his attention with the movement, your knees touch in the process but neither of you makes any moves to instal more distance between your bodies.

”Can I show you?” You reach for the scrambled paper but stop midway to look up and ask for permission.

Yoongi nods his head sliding the mess closer to you, observing as you unfold the paper and restart making more accurate lines and you immediately see what’s wrong with his shape. His measurements are off, even when he folded the paper in half that seemed uneven because he tried to fold it in one go and the paper sometimes moves around if you’re not careful enough.

After you fixed it and slid the paper to be in front of him you tell him your advice in a soft-spoken way. Heart still hammering inside your chest due to the closeness you share. ”Don’t rush through the steps, take your time while you fold it.” Your fingers touch briefly when you pass him the paper and you resume your working so it would take away from the embarrassment of how loud your heart beats because of him.

He looks so good today wearing a black oversized t-shirt with small prints in the front and even when his hair is damp with sweat his smile is able to melt your resolves any time you gaze up at those dark eyes.

Kids can be very attentive and they easily see how Y/N looks so smitten with Yoongi if those stolen sideway glances are anything to go by, every time he shows up you became a nervous ball of a mess it’s not rocket science to know you have a huge crush on the boy, the only mystery that campers can’t figure out is why you tiptoe around each other when Yoongi doesn’t seem indifferent either.

They often catch him looking at you as they run around the campsite during leisure activities led by Hoseok.

Minsung and Soohyung share a knowing smile as they watch them fold origami and it’s not overlooked by either of them when you focus back to do your work and Yoongi takes glances in your direction mesmerized by you, the task seems easy when he watches you do it.

A knock is followed by the appearance of your camp leader Seokjin leaning onto the doorframe interrupting your little bubble, looking at the kids with a fond expression before he addresses Yoongi and they leave together to discuss something, the activity is almost over as you learn glancing at the clock and Jungkook soon appears where Jin was a little while ago to get the kids.

Jungkook and your brother are the ones responsible for the outdoor activities and at the end of the day not only the kids are tired but their counsellors too by constantly running around to ensure everyone's safety.

Yoongi wanted to talk to you and help you clean up, have a real conversation in private, but things never turn out as he wants them to there seems to be always an obstacle standing between you two so he follows Jin to discuss a camp-related issue while he wishes he could spend a little more time with you.

If only you would tell him what he did wrong so he can fix it, this awkward state you two got stuck in makes him sad for some reason.

There was a time when you were greeting him with a big smile on your face and ask him about his day, he vividly remembers your chubbier cheeks and crooked teeth when you were younger but he doesn’t mind your feminine growth over the years, Yoongi always thought you will grow up to be a beautiful woman.

He remembers your prom dress, it was in a navy blue colour that complimented your fuller curves he only started to notice in your last year in high school, Jungkook posed beside you like you were Mr and Mrs Smith as your parents took pictures of you two and he found himself smiling fondly at you.

It was Hoseok’s birthday when the air shifted from platonic to something else in the short span of ten seconds, both of you were a little tipsy and you were sitting at a corner table together because neither of you wanted to hit the dance floor, the bar was packed and guys tried to hit on you numerous times just to be chased away by your brother’s antics.

You didn’t seem to mind that he prevented every guy from making a move on you and as you were all alone in a small booth chest to chest to hear each other over the loud music while you tried to tell him a story about Jungkook choking on fries at Mcdonalds when the waitress suddenly slipped her number scribbled onto a napkin trying not to ugly laugh yourself. His nose accidentally bumped into yours as he suppressed a laugh and if the others didn’t choose that exact moment to take a breather and have more drinks he thinks he would have probably kissed you right then and there.

The other time he felt something different while he was around you was when you and his friends took a trip to Busan to see the sea and you wore that one piece bikini, the bottom and top half were connected by a line of fabric but let your sides and hips be visible under the little clothing you had on.

Guys turned their heads when you passed them and he couldn’t even blame them like Hoseok because he looked at you a few times as well trying to seem as subtle as he possibly can since Hoseok otherwise would have killed him knowing that his best friend was ogling at his little sister.

”Don’t you dare!” Your yelling draws the attention of the kids and counsellors equally that’s how loud you are as your best friend approaches your form sitting under the umbrella trying to cool yourself down since today’s temperate is insanely (and unreasonably) hot. ”When we get home I’ll draw all your action figures a moustache using permanent markers. I’m not joking stop right there!”

Your horrific expression is validated since Jungkook has this shit-eating grin on his face when he’s about to do something you’ll most definitely not like, knowing him from your early stage of childhood when he was just a lanky anime fanatic and you were flat like a wooden board with huge pimples you’re an expert at distinguishing his different expressions and actions.

”You’re cute to think that will stop me.” Jungkook chuckles grabbing you by the waist as he drapes you over his shoulder effortlessly walking with you to the edge of the lake despite your efforts to break free from his grip, your friend jumps into the water with you still firmly clinging onto his body. The kids around you laugh at your friendly banter as you rise from the water like a lake monster and you duck Jungkook’s head underwater to make him pay for your ruined clothes and makeup.

Coming to help you, Jimin manoeuvres his boat next to you and stretches his hand out followed by a big grin to drag you out of the lake but it appears to be more difficult as you two almost flip over but you manage to unceremonially flop down next to him dragging your fingers through your hair to get the hairs out of your face.

”You really want war, Jeon. Just you wait but don’t blame me if I shave your hair off while you’re sleeping.” Coughing between your threatening words Jimin starts patting your back, rubbing your spine to help you feel better.

Jimin oars closer to the dock and you land your feet on the ground again without any more incidents occurring while Jungkook swims all the way, making comments about your appearance making the campers giggle alongside with him as your face gets warmer, once both of you are secure on land Jungkook hugs you close despite your distaste, your clothes cling to your body uncomfortably and droplets from his hair land on your cheek as he moulds your bodies together.

”Let me go, I’m not talking to you.” You try to push him away but instead of letting you go he scoops you up from the ground and spins you around, begging for your forgiveness but you don’t give in so easily.

Yoongi observes the scenes before him with a sour expression, he doesn’t even realise how he glares at Jungkook holding you that close to him while both of you are dripping of lake water, your boobs are entirely pushed against his chest as your best friend giggles midst of you struggling to break free.

Next to him Hoseok sits relaxed in his chair sipping his cold drink, shaking his head in faux amusement happy to see you have a good time here, your brother is normally very protective of you when it comes to guys but with Jungkook he knows that you guys are just best friends it’s hard to see you two otherwise when he witnessed your first period crying onto Jungkook’s shoulder that you’re going to bleed out and your poor friend almost dragged you to the hospital because he thought you were being real but soon learned that you overdramatise things when it’s that time of the month.

He often finds you in a weird position while you watch tv with Jungkook’s head on your tummy because the pressure and warmth of his head make the pain more bearable cuddling under blankets because you get needy when you’re on your period, your brother knows all of this because when your best friend is unavailable he has to fill the space and lay his head on your stomach until the feeling goes away.

He had his doubts in the early stage of your budding friendship when you first started to hang out with each other because things can get weird easily between friends if they are not the same gender but Jungkook proved to Hoseok multiple times that he supports you and would walk through fire for you. Nothing happened between you two in romantic aspects, there was no shift, even though someone who doesn’t see you daily interacting with him would assume something is going on.

”I’m going to change.” You announce to no one in particular, the way your shirt clings to your curves as you’re surrounded by male counsellors you don’t know adds extra pressure and their eyes on you make you uncomfortably fidget in place, your make up is probably smudged on your face giving you a panda effect.

”Wear this your bra is showing.” Jungkook gives you his wet shirt but the black material conceals your body to look decent enough and you thank him he could easily sense your distress and he feels a little bad that he pulled that trick on you. He had to coax you into wearing that bikini at the beach last year buttering you up with compliments so the two of you could finally get going, he knows better than anyone that you’re shy and insecure about your body if someone you don’t know sees you, you don’t hate your body but it makes you feel anxious if some stranger looks at you like you’re his meal for the evening and he totally gets it.

He glares at every single one of them who looks at you inappropriately alongside your brother who shares the same sentiment as him. You deserve to be treated right, that’s why he was super angry once you told him about your first time, that guy just stuck it in without making you cum.

Hoseok doesn’t know, however, you only told Jungkook about your unpleasant experience when you were tipsy, you had to tell him at a house party while playing truth or dare, you had to share something he didn’t know and considering he’s your best friend not much was there to confess. You hoped that he was drunk enough to forget about it the next day but he surprised you with ice cream and you talked it out with him, he can be immature sometimes though when the situation needs him to be serious he’s there for you. He never once made fun of you for something you felt insecure or not confident about.

Areum takes in your dishevelled look as soon as you step through the entrance of your current accommodation, opting for a quick shower to wash the dirty lake water off your skin you tell her what happened vaguely before disappearing behind the bathroom door and she snickers silently seeing your grumpy face.

Jungkook marches to the seat next to Hoseok the playful glint is still there as he rakes his fingers through his hair shaking the droplets out of his locks like a dog and the way female colleagues eye him didn’t go unnoticed by either Yoongi or Hoseok for that matter. Your best friend is not as dense as you think he is because for a while now he connected the dots why you seem to avoid Yoongi at all cost.

It shocked him at first but now observing your interactions closely he calls himself a fool that he didn’t realise it sooner. Your best friend knows about the ’you can’t woo my baby sister’ rule because it’s applied to him as well, Hoseok cornered him one day after you left to bring up snacks for a movie night and told him awfully descriptive outcomes what will happen to him if he tries anything on you all the while he pushed him against your lavender walls, that day he learned that smiley Hoseok can be scary sometimes.

It’s been years and his overprotectiveness lessened because you dated guys here and there and Hoseok was always supportive of you and your soon-to-be boyfriends, but you didn’t go to second dates with any of them.

He found it strange at first but after he found out about your little crush on your brother’s best friend some things clicked and your behaviour wasn’t soo odd anymore, Jungkook didn’t read too much into it at first because he thought it’s going to be a fleeting flame but it’s been years that you harbour feelings for the older man.

Yoongi was a harder nut to crack because he’s better at masking his feelings than you but he can see how his eyes linger on you when he thinks no one’s looking, his slip-ups are subtle ones and it would go over his head if he wouldn’t be so tuned in searching for his reactions.

His gut feeling tells him Yoongi feels the same way you do (his face might not be as expressive but his eyes are sparkling every time he finds you in the crowd) although he can’t be one hundred percent sure, the benefit of the doubt that makes him keep question every move and look he throws your way his confusing actions indicates that even Yoongi doesn’t know how he truly feels about you so Jungkook didn’t bring up the subject because he’s not sure how to approach this without making this more complicated.

He doesn’t want to give you hope when he can’t guarantee his intuition is right so he choose to silently observe and let things unfold naturally but it gets harder with time to ignore how you two are dancing around each other like idiots. Well, at least before now you straight out refuse to be in the same room as him.

At this point, he’s convinced that neither of you is going to make a move to let the other know about your romantic feelings, he wanted to respect the fact that you didn’t want him to know about your feelings towards your brother’s best friend but enough is enough and he’s tired of seeing you avoid the matter for another year like this.

His plan so far doesn’t seem to work, he convinced Hoseok to sign you up for the camp against your will but things don’t go forward as you keep avoiding the problem so he needs to give both of you a little push from the sidelines to end this.

He doesn’t like the idea of you hurting if he’s being wrong about this but the rejection would be better than living in denial, not knowing if he reciprocates your feelings, he hates seeing you cry but he’ll be there to kick ass and support you. Jungkook makes up his mind and calls Hoseok’s name to grab his attention.

”What do you think about one of your friends dating Y/N?”

Hoseok’s brow raises in question and Yoongi’s body stiffens at the mention trying to seem unaffected but Jungkook detects the slight change in his demeanour. ”Why do you ask? You’re not in love with my sister, are you Jeon?” He can’t stop laughing as he hears Hoseok accusing him immediately, he gets comfortable in his seat before answering. Waiting a little before responding to get a dramatic effect, he spends too much time with you as he realises he picked up some of your theatrical approaches.

”God, no. She’s my best friend I know too much about her to think like that.” His laughing subdues into small chuckles, he saw you at your worst and best moments, seen you naked by accident. You’re beautiful and funny but he doesn’t see you as a woman. Yoongi’s eyebrow twitches at the mention of ’knowing too much’ but Jungkook’s next words are the final blow for him to grip the armrest.

”I heard Taehyung is gonna ask her out and I wanted to know what you think about it.” Hoseok schools his features quickly after that, he didn’t know Taehyung liked you like that but he has no right to control your life or tell you who you can consider as a potential love interest. You can like whoever you want, he tried to show you his support when you introduced some of your dates to him and he’s going to keep his promise even when it comes to his friends.

You were always close but after he began to tell you who you can or can’t see your relationship became distant until he realised his mistakes, you forgave him easily because you love your brother a lot and he loves you just as much so after a heartfelt conversation between the two of you he promised not to do that to you ever again.

You’re aware he did this to protect you because you’re his precious little sister and big brothers could get unreasonably overprotective so after you almost drifted apart and even though you two talked it out. The fact that because of a boy you argued with Hoseok you decided you’ll never act on your feelings for Yoongi for the sake of your relationship. Jungkook doesn’t know that’s the main reason you keep avoiding Yoongi but he couldn’t have known because you two never touched upon the subject.

”It’s her decision.” Hoseok shrugs finally and Jungkook nods with a smile eyeing Yoongi who seem to absorb the answer he didn’t think he would get.

You’re aware of your feelings so it’s time for Yoongi to reflect on his thoughts and figure out what he wants.

Jungkook thinks that his plan might just work if he keeps up the good work. You can thank him later.

Taehyung is an unsuspecting victim caught up in Jungkook’s spider web to get you guys together. He likes every kind of art-related stuff and Jungkook showed him some of the origamis you folded for him as he has a few of the smaller ones stuffed inside his wallet under your graduation photo and of course when Taehyung asked you to teach him you agreed with the biggest smile on your face.

You took it as a great opportunity to get to know him better because you’re the least close to him in the group, not because you don’t think he’s a nice guy but before this there were not many occasions to bond with him.

He has the talent for it you realise this soon and you two spend hours inside the art room together folding new pieces after you’re free, he even suggests as a beginner what’s easier to make so the kids can be encouraged rather than making them do hard ones and be disappointed by the end result.

He visits you often and brings you tea to chat about art at first but gradually you get to know more about each other’s personal lives all the while you make origamis together. You skip lunch sometimes when you get too caught up experimenting with new shapes and Jungkook notices the displeased expression on Yoongi’s face every time someone asks about you and Taehyung’s whereabouts just to hear you two are yet again holed up inside the art room laughing and chatting.

He got even grumpier than normal and lashes out without any reason, the others dismiss his behaviour as he probably had a bad day but his best friend knows something is up with him, it’s not like he lashes out on the children because he smiles at them like he used to but his quick mood changes are getting on everyone’s nerves lately. Hoseok knows that something bothers him but every time he asks about it he says it’s nothing.

Jungkook sits beside Hoseok as he goes on and on about he has no idea what’s gotten into Yoongi lately and he’s close to rolling his eyes at him, no wonder you two are siblings he thinks. Both of you are idiots.

Yoongi didn’t show up for breakfast and you’re nowhere to find as well, he knows you’re not with Taehyung because he sits at the table behind him with Jimin and Seokjin telling each other funny stories about the kids. He shows some of the origami pieces he folded and Jimin compliments him while Seokjin tries to stuck one inside his pocket so a friendly banter breaks out at their table.

”.. and he doesn’t even tell me what’s the problem. Hey, Jungkook are you listening to me at all?” Hoseok waves his hand in front of Jungkook’s face who munches on the garnish almost finished with eating while your brother’s plate is full of food because as soon as Jungkook joined him at the table, since he couldn’t find you in the crowd, started complaining about how difficult Yoongi is being as of late and it’s too early to deal with this bullshit.

”Yoongi is upset because Y/N hangs out with Taehyung too much. If you look at the signs you would have seen that he obviously likes your sister but because of that stupid rule you made neither of them is acting upon their feelings for each other.” The outburst momentarily shuts up Hoseok, his mouth hangs open like a fish out of water blinking rapidly and it’s noticeable how the wheels are turning inside his head as he processes the information.

”Yoongi likes my sister?!” The three surrounding tables turn after hearing Hoseok’s signature banshee yell and Jungkook audibly sighs at the shocked expression he’s sporting like he suddenly grew four heads and three legs. He just might because the food is weird sometimes.

You tell Areum you have to pick something up from the art room and you’ll join her a bit later to eat breakfast hiding your hands in your hoodie’s pocket as mornings tend to be on the colder side, she gives you a thumbs up as she walks towards the dining room and you wait until she gets out of sight to turn on your heel.

You visit the art room first but what you’re searching for is not there and you head back to your cabin to see if you brought it back by accident without you realising it.

You made that origami star Taehyung whined to you about. He wanted to make one but it just can’t seem to look like it should be as he showed you his attempts. It took you a few tries to succeed as well since folding the edges were quite tricky to figure out.

On your way to the dining room, you bump into someone and the star you made end up on the ground slipping out of your grip. Raising your head instantly to apologise to the person, you were not ready to face Min Yoongi out of all people, he picks up the origami and hands it back dusting it off before giving it to you.

”Thanks.”

”Uh, everything’s alright? You seem to be in a bad mood.” You’re hesitant to address the elephant in the room, you didn’t really witness his mood swings as others because you spent most of your time in the art room but seeing him now with dark circles under his eyes a grim expression on his handsome face, it speaks volumes of how true it is, and you would hate to get on his bad side because you ask a question everyone probably asked before you.

”I’m fine.” Yoongi tilts his head towards the sky and sighs, you wait for him to say something else but that’s all he does before he walks past you.

You grimace at the lack of response, sure, things were awkward nowadays but he never straight out ignored you like that, he didn’t even look at you while he answered and left just like that.

When you join Jungkook and your brother for breakfast they have a weird aura around them and you’re itching to interrupt their silent talk as they eye each other like you’re not sitting right next to both of them.

What is wrong with anyone today, huh?

”Okay we need to do something, things can’t continue like this.” Jungkook places his hands on each side of his hips as he captures everyone's attention when he climbs on top of one of the tables like he’s about to give a grand speech about something world-rocking kind of important matters.

”I agree. I can’t even say something to Yoongi that doesn’t end with him taking my head off.” Jimin and Taehyung agree immediately since they had to deal with his temper for the most part.

”And what do you suggest we do?” Hoseok puts his weight onto the broom as he speaks, after Jungkook told him that his best friend is in love with his sister everything made sense in a way.

Why he asked about you a lot like how’s school or how’ life going for you, made sure to get something for your birthday every year, he thought that he’s nice to you because you’re his little sister, after all, he told him to treat you right. He couldn’t be more wrong about it, however. They are supposed to be best friends and Hoseok didn’t even know he liked you like that.

”I think you should talk to her Hobi. She doesn’t act on her feelings because she thinks you wouldn’t like them together, maybe if you tell her it’s ok to date each other they will end our suffering. I don’t think I can manage this moody Yoongi for another day he looked like he’s about to murder me in my sleep.” Because of Jungkook’s scheme, Yoongi went extra hard on Taehyung and the poor soul didn’t have a clue why he’s suddenly replaced as Yoongi’s personal punching bag.

Hoseok makes sure to visit your cabin after they are done cleaning and it would be an understatement to say he feels a little nervous. It’s weird that he’s here to tell you to go after his best friend as it is.

He already had a talk with Yoong in their cabin before he came here and his friend seemed terrified when Hoseok told him he knows that he’s in love with his sister.

All the colour drained from his face and he actually took pity on him that it feels him with so much dread that his best friend knows he likes a girl, even if it’s his sister he’s happy that he found someone he likes.

Hoseok tells him that nothing is going on between you and Taehyung so he should stop torturing him, Jungkook just tried to make him jealous by saying that, it felt nice for both of them to talk openly about everything.

Yoongi told him about the party when he almost kissed her or when they would stay up all night talking to each other about everything and nothing, he shares his genuine feelings and admits that for a while he didn’t know what he felt for her but he wants to be with her.

You had similar reactions like his friend, at first you tried to deny the fact but later when Hoseok reveals everything and speak about Jungkook’s plan, you gave up to lie and instead tell him you liked him for three years and you tried to move on but you couldn’t that’s why none of your previous relationships seemed to work out.

Your brother feels stupid for not seeing the signs, maybe Jungkook was right and he’s really an idiot.

It’s awkward knowing that he feels the same way about you you’re not gonna lie, it feels like a dream but at the same time, you’re afraid one day you’ll wake up and realise all of this was just a fragment of your imagination.

Hoseok’s support was a pleasant surprise and even though you want to strangle your best friend with your bare hands for meddling with your business and literally shouting out to the world you love Min Yoongi to the moon and back moments ago to have everyone witness your face flame up you decide against all expectations and you give him a bone-crushing hug because without him all of this wouldn’t have happened. All that matters is that he likes you back.

”How did you know?” You curiously ask and Jungkook feigns he’s thinking about the answer whilst pinching your cheek, that smirk he wears when he’s about to say something stupid makes you reconsider. You shouldn’t have asked.

”I mean I discovered it recently so you were quite good at hiding it because normally I always sniff out your secrets right off the bat but as soon as I focused on your reactions it was easy to tell.” He points at Yoongi standing a few feet away next to Hoseok and he suddenly burst out laughing.

”I saw you running into a fucking tree when you saw Yoongi wet because Hoseok threw him into the lake.” You clasp your hand over his runny mouth before he can embarrass you further, you were not ready to see Yoongi blush so cutely at the comment while Hoseok doubled over because he laughed so hard seeing your face after Jungkook said that.

You denied it in a high pitched squeal. ”That fucking tree wasn’t there that’s why!” Everyone seemed to find your excuse hilarious as they laughed continuously at your attempts of saving your last piece of dignity but even Yoongi chuckled couldn’t contain his biggest smile to take over his features as he thinks you look so cute when you’re embarrassed, and you like him back.

”Can we see a kiss at least if we had to put up with grumpy Yoongi for an entire week, I really started to fear for my life, you know?” Jimin chimed in, it was endearing to see Yoongi turn bashful in front of you.

”Now that it was brought up Jeon Jungkook I can’t believe you used me like that! I had no idea why you suggested that I try to learn making origamis from Y/N. Our friendship is over!” Taehyung points at your best friend accusingly and he only scratches the back of his neck.

”I did it for a good cause…wait Tae where are you going? Look I’m sorry…” Jungkook chases after the former boy trying to hug him from behind but Taehyung doesn’t reciprocate it and your friend starts whining at that telling him that he’s so sorry while Jimin and the others unoccupied at the moment resumes their staring at the both of you to move and kiss finally.

Even Namjoon and Seokjin who were silent until now joins in and chants alongside the others to ”kiss kiss kiss kissss”

You let out a shy chuckle taking the first steps in his direction and his eyes go wide in surprise when your shoe touch. Kissing his cheek instead you tiptoe to reach his height so you can easily circle your hands around his neck and pull him down to hug you, it reminds you of the hug you shared with him before the whole trip to the summer camp started but this time it felt different.

His embrace was warm and inviting as he held you by your waist his chest vibrated against you as he laughed when your friends demanded a real kiss.

Yoongi found himself sitting beside you inside the art room as you explained how the kids can make bunny-shaped origami out of the grey coloured papers in front of them and his hand immediately found yours under the table to intertwine your fingers together once you sat down next to him.

You try to suppress a smile as you watch over the kids ensuring that they don’t cut themselves with the scissors but your body betrays you as you subconsciously lean into his frame he smells like vanilla extract and chocolate. He showed the kids how to make muffins in today’s lesson, it turned out good because Yoongi measured the ingredients while the kids only mixed and did simple tasks such as portioning out the dough or decorating the top of the treats.

Someone had two or three muffins left on their table as they worked, focused on their folding technique occasionally they stole bites making you and Yoongi giggling under your noses when you would catch chipmunk cheeks.

Yoongi helped you clean up after the lesson throwing out leftover papers and sweeping the floor before you joined the others for lunch.

Things changed in the group’s dynamics after you started dating Yoongi but overall they were happy to see both of you happy.

Even though Jungkook likes to make jokes about how you two are basically joined at the hip for days and soon after starts to complain about how you spend less time with him now that you have a boyfriend, he’s clearly happy for you. It’s a new situation for everyone and Hoseok has a hard time picturing you with his best friend but seeing you so happy with him he supports your relationship wholeheartedly.

After you’re done with the activities for the day you and Yoongi retreat into his cabin as everyone else stays at the campfire. They see the two of you slip away hand in hand, howbeit no one dares to comment on it but you see Jungkook having an inner battle to stop himself from yelling out ’use protection’ luckily Taehyung stuffs his mouth with a handful of chio chips before that could happen.

Your boyfriend pulls you closer by tugging on your intertwined hands caging you between his arms and the door, kissing the corner of your mouth he moves downwards to kiss over your jawline and neck, smiles into the juncture of your neck when you chase after his lips as he pecks your cupid’s bow next, impatient to feel his lips against yours you pull at a fistful of his hair guiding his mouth to capture his lip between your teeth. Yoongi grunts into the kiss tasting your sweet mouth never cease his hunger for you, only leaves him wanting more and more.

”I can’t believe you’re mine.” He seals his words over your feverish skin with in between kisses, marking up your neck, nibbling and kissing every inch until your breath becomes laboured under his sweet attacks.

You weave your fingers into his hair whilst a soft mewl leaves your parted lips as his knee parts your legs to brush against your centre.

He presses his thighs further into your throbbing pussy swallowing the noises you make getting lost in your body heat. He wants to take his time with you licking every corner and dip until you shake and pant his name.

”Wait. What about my brother?” You jump a little when you feel his hand on your ribs travelling up until he cups your breast over the shirt you’re wearing. Kneading your flesh over the fabric your body relaxes into his touch it’s enough to leave you breathless seeing his expression so earnest to please you, pupils dilated as he looks at you under his hooded lids it’s hard to control his urges when you look good enough to eat.

”He stays over at Namjoon’s don’t worry about him.” Yoongi catches your earlobe with his mouth biting down on your shell playfully, the sensation makes you heave a gasp, the words barely registering in your brain.

”Off. I want this off.” Feeling especially bold today you sneak your hands under his shirt caressing his sides with your fingertips, pecking his collarbone that peaks through the collar of his clothing. A whine resonates within your throat when your boyfriend steps back to pull his shirt over his head revealing his stomach and shoulders for your hungry eyes to feast upon disliking the cold air that fills the space once his body is not there to keep you warm, you pull him close diving in to connect your lips in a heated kiss tongue licking into his mouth.

His hands wander under your clothes this time mapping out your smooth skin following the lines of your sides to find the opening on your bra, once he gets the clasp open he traces your spine with his index finger grabbing your ass with both hands as his wandering hands reach south. Your moan gets lost inside his busy mouth that explores your hot cavern at the same time his hands cup you over the fabric of your leggings. It doesn’t give your throbbing pussy justice when he decides to rub your clit and drag his fingers over the dampening material.

”Let’s move things to the bedroom shall we?” The innocent peck he places onto your cheek makes your heart flutter, excitement and love mix inside your veins sweetening your blood as your pulse quickens under his adoring gaze. You nod kissing him again before you let him guide you to his door, not separating from your sensually moving lips as he blindly closes it behind your entangled forms.

He removes your pants and shirt in one go, letting the garments form a pile on the floor promising your sweet release with each removed clothing until the only remaining barrier that keeps your naked glory from his piercing gaze is slipped down your shaved legs, he feels how soaked the material of your cotton underwear had become after so little foreplay and he finds himself insanely turned on by the discovery.

Yoongi eagerly encloses his mouth over your erect bud eliciting airy moans when he alternates between sucks and licks on your sensitive mound paying equal attention to both sides as he massages the neglected one with firm hands whilst he blows air to the saliva coated nipples and watch your expression morph into torturous pleasure but he’s not satisfied with your shy suppressed noises.

Your slick oozes out of your empty opening running down your thighs and stain the bedsheet your clit aches to be touched and your hole clenches around nothing as your lover keeps his head between your boobs kissing and licking your skin there until your nipples get too sensitive to his touch, red and swollen when he rolls it between his fingers. His leg parts your thighs keeping them wide open so you can’t get any stimulation until he decides to move lower.

Seeing how you shake under his body parted lips keep asking him to give you more, he doesn’t have the heart to deny you any longer as he starts to rub your thighs keeping your legs open for him to bury his face between your beautiful cunt swollen and needy for his touch he lets his tongue dip between your folds tasting you first before gently sucking on your clit.

He hears you call his name perfectly in tune with his tongue’s strokes as he intends to eat you up. Your essence covers his chin as he licks your hole clean lapping up everything your precious body can produce for him dipping inside the tip of his tongue your muscles tense up ready to get filled with something bigger and Yoongi’s cock twitches inside the confine of his underwear.

He doesn’t need to remove his undergarments to know his tip is red and slick with his precum desperate to fill your empty hole up but before that, he coats two of his fingers in your wetness and pushes them inside parting your walls gently to ease you into the feeling preparing you to take his cock.

Your hips buck into his hand as he curls his long fingers inside your velvety walls feeling your muscles constrict around his digits he moans with his head thrown back as he imagines his dick getting the same treatment later, your musky scent and visual laying beneath him taking what he gives you drives him crazy with need.

Perking up at the sound you open your eyes blinking to get the blurriness fade dreamy half-lidded eyes watch as his fingers fill you up and you almost close them again because of the pure ecstasy his expert hands give to your overwhelmed body.

You see the painful tent that formed inside his briefs before the numbing pleasure could consume you yet again and there’s a wet spot in the middle that lets you know he gets off on seeing you enjoy yourself. His hips unknowingly to him ruts against the sheets to get some kind of friction realising that he focused solely on your pleasure and put it aside to chase his, he’s so different from the partners you previously slept with and the sudden urge to please him overtakes your selfish side to just receive and receive.

You palm him over the wet spot following the outline of his hard dick to give him some well-deserved relief and he immediately grinds into your palm letting out breathy groans and low moans, you don’t mind at all when he gets lost in your touch instead and momentarily forgets about his goal to get you prepped nicely for his cock. The fingers he has inside you stills and your head clear out a little, you’re able to focus on his face learning what he likes as you study his reactions to your movements, you know his moans will probably become your favourite sounds.

You take advantage of his current state to switch positions, letting his fingers slip out of you as you get rid of his underwear grabbing his thighs to lower yourself while he sits down at the edge of the bed.

Taking his tip into your mouth to taste his precum you feel Yoongi’s nails digging into your scalp as you swallow around him trying to get him into your mouth as much as your poor jaw can handle. Holding the base of his cock to guide him back into your wet cavern you set a slow pace, stroking what you can’t fit.

”You look so good sucking my dick baby.” You learned that he tends to be on the quiet side even in the bedroom, his reactions however are good indicators of how you’re able to affect him with every swirl of your tongue. Letting him use the hand tangled in your hair to set the rhythm of your movements your vision blurs as tears swell in your eyes due to the quickened pace and force he starts to fuck your mouth but he pulls out before he could get too close to cumming.

”I need to have you know. Lie down on the bed with your legs spread wide for me.” You follow his instructions showing him your drenched swollen pussy as he climbs on the bed after you, admiring the way he ruined your cunt before he reaches for a condom retrieving the item from inside his drawer.

He touches himself in front of you watching you squirm under his gaze as you wait for him to roll the condom down his length, your body aches to finally be filled with something bigger.

”Yoongi. Fill me up.” You part your pussy lips for him revealing your hole clenching around nothing, beckoning him to fill you up Yoongi looks at the sinful image in front of him saving this memory of you for later when he’s alone with his hands but today he plans to have your cunt wrapped around his cock rather than his fingers.

Your drenched walls suck him in as he enters you, hips lowering in slow motion to bury his entire length inside, nice and steady, gripping his shoulders for support you moan into the sloppy kiss feeling so full.

You hear his guttural moan loud and clear just as his breath hits the shell of your ear and your walls squeeze around him, wet squelching sounds ring beside your mixed love language thriving off the sounds he grunts directly into your ear encouraging you to meet his movements in the middle.

It feels like you stand in front of the gates of heaven when Yoongi increases his pace thrusting in and out, not being able to stop as he feels his balls tighten with the need to cum he parts your legs even more as he watches his dick emerge from the pussy he owns now coated in your juices taking his hard length and moan out every time his tip curves to touch your sweet spot with each delivered stroke.

You cum first around his dick, he helps you ride out your pleasure only pulling out when you whine from oversensitivity and he rolls the condom off to finish as well, watching your spent pussy glistening with your cum he uses the sight in front of him to get off, he collects your slick to lubricate his shaft as he starts to jerk himself off faster.

Once your breathing evens out and you see the concentration on Yoongi’s face while he lucidly moves his hands up and down his throbbing cock with the desperate need to cum you touch his hips drawing soothing circles onto his sweaty skin taking him back into your mouth to help him reach his high.

He comes in your mouth with a soft cry throwing his head back as you keep sucking him licking his sensitive tip until he pulls your head off with a shaky hand stroking your cheeks with his thumb.

”So friends and family, let me introduce you to my boyfriend Yoongi. You might have already met him before.” You joke in front of your relatives of all ages and you see in the corner of your eyes how Hoseok rolls his eyes.

698 notes · View notes

taeyongdoyoung · 3 years

Photo

summary: you have a crush on college student renjun so you make use of your best lamest flirting attempts and surprisingly they work?!

pairing: renjun x gn!reader

genre: college!au, romance, pure fluff

warnings: very lame jokes, mentions of a cruel prank in the past (someone asking out renjun as a joke, pls never do that to people!), lots of awkwardness & sweetness, a bit of swearing, reader has an obsession with renjun’s pretty hands

word count: 4.7k

It had been a while since you had a crush so strong you even had a hard time focusing in class. Usually, you were a very good student, diligently taking notes and participating when the professor asked questions. But that was until you saw Renjun for the first time.

It was like something possessed you and suddenly you couldn't think about anything else but his pretty, gentle face, his angelic voice and his lovely hands always drawing something in his notebook. It certainly didn't help much that you were seated right next to him during your shared lectures. It most certainly didn't help that you forgot all your vocabulary when you were in his immediate vicinity. Usually, your teachers and friends described you as well-spoken and eloquent, always knowing the right thing to say.

But that was, of course, until Renjun. All words disappeared from your poor brain whenever he was around. And it's not like you didn't want to talk to him, get to know him better. But you physically couldn't bring yourself to form a coherent sentence. You kept telling yourself it was just a silly crush and it would pass in time. But the more time passed, the stronger you felt the need to do something about your feelings. Naturally, you couldn't speak, but there was still something you could do. Something you probably did best. Write.

So one day, after what felt like an eternity of yearning, you finally gathered the courage to act on your emotions. Taking a small sheet of paper out of your notebook, you wrote a little something. It was probably super lame but apparently, even your writing skills were affected by your crush on him. As soon as your "masterpiece" was done, you slid it towards Renjun before you could chicken out and change your mind about this whole thing. The note had the following text:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your drawings are almost As pretty as you. P.S. Key word: almost ;)

The second he spotted the little note which was folded in a hurry, he opened it curiously. Once he read its insides, you could hear him snort under his breath. Was it that bad? You couldn't help but worry. Then, he took his own pen and started writing something under it. That was a good sign, right? You were feeling hopeful. Once he was done, he slid the paper towards you. You opened it in a rush. His response was:

Hey! Are you bullying my art?!?

You looked at him in confusion. How could he have possibly misunderstood? However, he was too focused on multitasking (drawing most of the time and occasionally taking notes based on the lecture) to spot your reaction. You decided you had no choice but to be as explicit as possible and wrote another note:

Nooo, I meant to compliment both you and your art, sorry if it came off wrong and lame :(

When he received it, you could swear you saw him smiling a little, which made your heart melt. How was he so beautiful? Soon enough, his reply came:

That's alright, I'm just teasing...Also, it worked.

You couldn't believe it. It worked? You'd successfully grabbed his attention by using this first-grade flirting method in college? You were suddenly feeling brave and kept writing. It was too late to turn back time.

I just think you're really pretty and cool especially when you draw but I was too hesitant to talk to you directly...

When he read your most recent note, he even gave you a look of disbelief, which you couldn't interpret until you saw his response:

Cool? Wow, that's a first...And it's ok, I don't bite.

You chuckled quietly and suddenly noticed that class was ending soon. You couldn't wait until tomorrow so you hurriedly wrote the content of your next note:

What do I have to do to get your number?

Renjun shook his head in amusement and this time, his reply came quicker than before:

*number enclosed* Here, that wasn't so hard, was it?

You could hear the lecturer saying his words of conclusion and you hurried to respond via another note, because you couldn't trust your voice to actually speak to Renjun. Not yet, at least. So, you wrote:

Thank you!!! Here is mine: *number enclosed*

And just as he received your final note, the students around you started gathering their things. You simply looked at Renjun and you still couldn't believe he'd actually replied to your silly flirting and even gave you his number! You waved him goodbye like a lovesick fool and practically ran outside of the lecture hall. Stage fright whomst? Try having a crush on the prettiest boy in the world.

After you went back home, you debated calling Renjun. Eventually, you talked yourself out of it. What if you said something stupid and embarrassing? With texting, you could at least have more time to think things through before sending them. Actually speaking to him seemed too terrifying a task to accomplish. So, you texted him excitedly and your heart did a back-flip when he replied. Was it strange that you already missed him, even though it had only been a couple of hours since you last saw him? Naturally, you couldn't tell him that, it would probably freak him out. So, you settled for texting (for the time being).

Renjun: Why did you run away after class?

You: I was too nervous to speak to you, I'm sorry!!!

Renjun: That's strange, I see you talking to your friends all the time...Am I so scary?!?

You: Nooo, you're not scary, I'm just being an idiot 😔

Renjun: Top of the class does not equal idiot but I'll let it slide this time

You: Thank you for your generosity!

Renjun: What are you up to?

You: Probably gonna work on that assignment for next week

You: Sorry, I'm so boring 😔

Renjun: First of all, you don't have to apologize so much, you did nothing wrong

Renjun: Second of all, saaame. We can brainstorm together if you want?

You: Sorry, I'll stop. Oops, I did it again. Pretend you didn't see it.

You: Also omg, yes pls, that would be great!

And that is how your friendship with Renjun started. Texting on your phones and exchanging notes during class lasted a week until you finally decided to ask him out. Again, via text, because you were feeling too shy to speak to him. The only other contact you'd had was waving at each other. And it's not like he spoke to you, either. There were two explanations for that: 1) he chose to respect your decision or 2) he was possibly just as shy as you were. Whatever the reason, you thought this could not go on forever so you managed to find the bravery to propose a date.

You: Do you wanna go out with me? 👉🥺👈

Renjun: Sure, where do you wanna go?

You: Oh, wow, I didn't think I'd get this far lol

You: Where do YOU wanna go?

Renjun: Hmm, there's this new art gallery I've been meaning to visit...if that's okay with you

You: Anything is good with me as long as I get to see your pretty face

Renjun: What

You: I said you're pretty

Renjun: Shut up, oh my God...

You: Do you want me to stop?

Renjun: Say that again

You: You're pretty

Renjun: 😳😳😳

Renjun: I can't wait to see you again

You: Same here

Once you got to the front of the art gallery, it struck you how strange it was that you would speak to Renjun for the first time ever. You mentally braced yourself as you awaited his arrival anxiously. Your nails were digging into the inside of your hands and you were terrified you'd pierce holes through your own skin. You told yourself this was silly, you had no reason to be so nervous. Renjun was a total sweetheart and he obviously liked talking...well, writing to you. You needn't worry that much, you kept repeating in your mind. You were too busy hyping yourself up to notice him approaching behind you. Too busy to be prepared for what came next.

"Hiii," Renjun greeted you with a surprise back hug.

"Oh dear," you jumped in shock as you turned around.

"Did I scare you, angel?"

Shit. Already with the pet names? How were you supposed to survive?

"No, it's fine," you waved him off, trying to play it cool. "Isn't it weird this is the first time we're actually speaking to each other?"

"Um...kinda," Renjun scratched the back of his head. "But I like it, it's what makes this so special."

"Wow, you sure do have a way with words," you chuckled.

"Shall we go inside?" he suggested.

"Yes, please."

As you looked around the art gallery, you kept pointing excitedly at the paintings, while Renjun was quietly evaluating them and telling you interesting stories about the artists. You couldn't help but be amazed by how attractive he was as he exhibited his knowledge. And of course, you couldn't help but wonder at how he was so much more beautiful than all the art you've ever seen. Naturally, you wouldn't tell him that. First of all, because it was too lame to speak aloud. Second of all, because your voice would undoubtedly betray you and crack or something even more embarrassing. As time passed, you were surprised at how easy it was to talk to him, despite your previous concerns. Renjun was very polite and soft-mannered and he made you feel comfortable, while the two of you looked at the paintings and discussed them. Once you'd seen everything, you were starting to feel a bit bummed out that your lovely date was coming to an end. When you were outside the art gallery, you impulsively asked:

"Can I walk you home?"

"I mean...sure. On one condition."

"Anything."

"I get to walk you home next time."

"There'll be a next time?" you whispered hopefully.

"I hope I don't sound presumptuous if I share my observation we both had a wonderful time."

"That's perfectly alright. Your observation is correct," you admitted.

"I live just around the corner, though. You really don't have to-"

"But I want to."

"So do I," Renjun said and the two of you began walking towards his home.

"I was wondering about something...You already know I didn't speak to you because I was feeling shy, but why didn't you? I have two theories, but I'm curious which one is more on point."

"Do tell and I'll try my best to enlighten you," he joked.

"Okay, so theory number one is you were being respectful of my wish not to talk yet. Theory number two is that you're just as shy as I am."

Renjun laughed and you could swear this was the sweetest sound in the entire universe.

"Am I so transparent? Honestly, it's a little bit of both. But there's another part you didn't guess. But it's too embarrassing."

"Come on, tell meee! It can't be more embarrassing than my lame attempts to flirt with you."

Renjun smiled gently.

"Well, to be honest, I couldn't believe you thought I was cool and pretty...I even feared this was some sort of prank. It wouldn't be the first time someone decided to mess with me like that."

"Renjun, are you serious? I don't understand why anyone would...Scratch that, whoever messed with you didn't deserve even a fraction of your attention. I meant every word I said. I really like you...and your paintings. And I'm sorry I couldn't say it aloud earlier. You genuinely deserve to hear nice things more."

"Thank you. I appreciate it," he blinked cutely. "But enough about me. I never told you...how beautiful you are. How kind and smart."

"I know," you waved him off teasingly. "But coming from you, this means a lot."

Renjun shook his head, amused by your words.

"We should go somewhere you like next time. Maybe a bookshop?" he suggested.

"Am I so transparent?" you repeated his words. "But sure, yeah. That sounds nice."

"Well, this is me," he said, pointing towards his home.

"Already? Aw, time sure flies by when you're having fun."

"I'll see you tomorrow in class, right?"

"Of course," you promised and before you could talk yourself out of it, gave him a quick but heartfelt hug. "Bye, Renjun."

"Bye, angel."

After your first date with Renjun, things were going quite smoothly. You finally got over your nervousness when it came to talking to him and the two of you would occasionally whisper things to each other during class. The first time he held your hand under the desk your cheeks filled with colour. Despite your embarrassment, you held his hand right back and granted him with a grateful smile. After that, holding hands in class (whenever you weren't busy taking notes) became like second nature to you two. It just felt so sweet and comfortable to be close to him. You couldn't wait till the next weekend for your second date. Even though you were just going to a bookshop and had nothing that special planned out, you enjoyed being around him so much that you were more than excited for spending time with him one-on-one. No professors or other students to distract you.

When the day finally arrived, you were surprised to find out your anxious self had made a comeback. Even though you were around him everyday and had grown accustomed to holding a conversation, it had been an entire week since your first date when it was just the two of you and you couldn't help but get cold feet as you were waiting in front of the bookshop. This time Renjun didn't surprise you from behind, you could see him approaching from a distance. Mentally bracing yourself for his inevitable arrival, you knew you'd be an awkward mess no matter how hard you tried.

"Hey, angel," he greeted you with the usual hug.

"It's nice to see you again, Renjun," you replied dumbly, briefly melting into his arms.

"You saw me yesterday, remember?" he teased you.

"Um, yeah, but still," you chuckled.

"Is everything okay? You don't seem like yourself," Renjun immediately noticed the change in your behaviour.

"Why wouldn't it be? Everything's peachy," you lied, but he didn't seem to believe you.

"Be honest with me, please," Renjun asked. You suddenly remembered what he'd confided in you during your first date. It was no wonder he had a hard time trusting you after someone in his past had had the nerve to pull such a cruel prank on a soul as sweet as his. You felt guilty for lying rightaway and began explaining yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous. I don't want to fuck anything up. Like I just did by lying and swearing. Fuck. I did it again, didn't I? I'll shut up now," you were rambling anxiously.

"Relax, Y/N, I totally get it. I was just worried maybe you didn't want to be here...with me."

"What? Nonsense. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. No one else I'd rather be with."

"Well, the feeling's mutual so there's no need for concern. Let's look at those books, yeah?"

"Yeah, sounds good, Renjun."

As the two of you went inside and started exploring the hundreds of shelves together, you felt yourself relaxing a little. Being surrounded by so many familiar titles, so many gorgeous covers was comforting. And as you kept showing Renjun some of your favourite books and telling him about your most beloved characters, he realized you were back to your usual self in no time. Attentively listening and occasionally sharing his opinions on certain authors, you didn't notice how quickly time passed by and how much you had enjoyed yourself and each other's company. Once you had looked through the bookshop in its entirety, you felt like it was too early to put an end to your date, but you didn't want to come off as too clingy or something. So, you simply looked at Renjun, expecting him to say what he wanted to do next.

"I promised you I'll walk you home this time, didn't I?" he smoothly said.

"I believe you did," you giggled. It was so sweet of him to remember such a detail.

"I'm a man of my word so lead the way," Renjun replied, offering you his arm.

"It will be my pleasure," you eagerly took his arm and the two of you began walking. You were deliberately moving at a slow place, simply because you didn't want this to end and felt like prolonging the time around him.

"Your hands are so pretty," you blurted out at one point.

"You like my hands, huh?" Renjun smirked.

"Did I say that out loud?" you were undoubtedly blushing really hard.

"I'm afraid so."

You felt completely mortified as you covered your face with your own hands.

"Hey, hey, it's fine. You can tell me anything. Chances are I'll take it as a compliment."

"Really?" you sneaked a peak. "You don't think I'm weird?"

"Maybe a little bit, but it's one of the things I like about you."

"One?" you blinked curiously.

"You're really fun to be around and you've been nothing but sweet to me. And of course, you're stunning, but that goes without saying."

"Without saying? I don't mind hearing it, though."

"I'll have that in mind," Renjun smiled gently.

"Renjun?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hold my hand?" you almost begged.

"I don't know, can I?" he tormented you with a joke.

"Will you hold my hand?" you corrected yourself.

"All you had to do was ask," Renjun acquiesced and intertwined your fingers.

Walking hand in hand, you eventually reached your place. As you two stared at one another, you refusing to go inside, him refusing to go, both of you refusing to let go of the other's hand, you thought to yourself how badly you wanted to kiss him. You had no idea if it was too early for that but you knew that the longer you tried to postpone it, the more you'd crave him. And you were an impatient person. So you quickly kissed him without thinking much. It was a bit awkward and rushed but at least, you had finally done as you wanted. Renjun looked taken aback and blinked at you a couple of times.

"I'm sorry," you apologized again. "I just..."

He silenced you softly with another kiss, this time more slowly and putting your mind and heart at ease. You lost yourself in the feeling of his plush lips against yours, finally letting go of his hand so that you could wrap yours around his neck. Hesitant at first but growing bolder by the second, you could sense Renjun's tongue testing the waters. You slightly parted your lips, letting him in. As the kiss intensified, you could feel him becoming more eager to touch you, his arms wrapped around your lower back. When you were seconds away from losing your breath, you finally broke the kiss. Opening your eyes to look at him, you couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. He'd kissed you back.

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing so much. Especially, when you haven't done anything wrong," Renjun scolded you politely.

You opened your mouth to argue, but when you realized your immediate response would have been another 'I'm sorry', you closed it. A second later, you came up with a different reply.

"I guess you'll have to discipline me, then," you huffed in a challenge.

"Dumbass," Renjun flicked your forehead.

"Hey!" you complained with a pout. "That hurts."

"What do you want me to do? Kiss it better?" Renjun gave an unamused look.

"That doesn't sound like such a bad idea," you mumbled, not expecting him to actually...kiss your forehead. But he did. And damn your knees for threatening to give out.

"Feel better yet?"

You nodded enthusiastically.

"Get inside already," Renjun tickled your sides, nudging you in the direction of your door.

"You want to get rid of me so badly?"

"No, but we can stand here forever if you don't," he rolled his eyes.

"Do you want me to invite you in?"

"Don't tempt me and go," he was impossible to sway.

"Okay, okay," you relented. "See you tomorrow, Renjun!"

For your third date Renjun suggested something different. While your first and second date had all taken place in public locations, this time he offered going to his place. And maybe the shock on your face was too obvious, because Renjun was quick to keep talking and almost take it back.

"We don't have to if you don't want to! We can just watch something at the cinema or whatever. Forget I mentioned it if you're uncomfortable."

You quickly shook your head.

"No, no, I do want to come over! I was just...not expecting it."

"Yeah? You sure?"

"A hundred per cent," you nodded excitedly.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I'm at two hundred per cent," Renjun teased.

"It's not a competition," you reminded him.

"It's not if I'm winning," he kept playing around.

You rolled your eyes.

"So what are we watching?" you asked.

"You can't go wrong with Harry Potter, am I right?"

"You are so right," you squealed. "Which house are you in?"

"Don't get me started. Sometimes I get Ravenclaw, sometimes Slytherin, it's a mess."

"That's pretty cool, though," you were practically staring at him with heart eyes at this point.

"You're a Hufflepuff, aren't you?"

"Am I so transparent?" you complained, this line becoming something of a running gag between the two of you.

"Cute," he mumbled under his breath and you blushed, not managing to maintain eye contact.

When the time arrived for you to go to Renjun's place, you were more excited rather than nervous. He was so easy to talk to and you were genuinely making so many wonderful memories that you had made it your mission to not waste any second worrying needlessly.

"I have arrived," you announced the obvious as you stood at his door.

"I can see that," Renjun chuckled. "Come on in."

"I wasn't sure if I should bring something so I bought some pizza on the way. It's still hot, so I hope you're hungry," you said as you followed him inside like a puppy.

"Oh, that's very thoughtful. And I always have enough space left for pizza."

You grinned and the minute you put the box on the table and your arms were free, you wrapped them around Renjun in a hug.

"You're so warm," you murmured against his skin.

He kissed the top of your head swiftly. Soon after, the two of you were too busy re-watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, eating pizza and holding hands to talk much. Once the movie was over, you realized how badly you didn't want to go home and how cozy leaning your head on Renjun's shoulder felt. And how much you liked him and couldn't stop thinking about his hands, his smile and his overall existence.

"Do you want to go home already?" Renjun asked the dreaded question.

"I mean, not really, but I don't wanna impose myself on you," you whispered.

"Don't be so formal," Renjun replied. "Just stay a little longer."

"Yayyy!" you were quite overjoyed and kissed his cheek. "What do you want to do?"

"Hm, I don't know. I could give you a tour around the place."

"Sure, that sounds fun," you immediately agreed.

"Don't get your hopes up, it's just a regular college guy's apartment."

"I'm sure I'll be amazed by every little detail."

"Even my socks?"

"Especially your socks," you joked.

As he showed you around his apartment, you couldn't help but be amazed by how Renjun-like everything was. From the snug kitchen to his art supplies scattered around. Every corner made the atmosphere feel extremely homey. Until you saw something that you hadn't expected, something that hadn't come up in conversation before. A stunning grand piano. You looked at the instrument and then at Renjun and finally, back at the piano.

"Do you play?"

"No, I just keep things like that as an accessory," he responded sarcastically. "Of course, I play."

"Can you...no, wait," you stopped yourself before making a similar mistake to the one you made a while ago. "Will you play something for me?"

"Right now?"

"If it's not too much trouble," you gave him the very best pleading look you were capable of.

Renjun sighed reluctantly and sat down on the bench in front of the piano.

"Don't just stand there awkwardly, sit next to me," he urged you courteously.

You followed his advice and took the free spot. However, nothing could have possibly prepared you for witnessing Renjun's skills up-close. Watching him play was like magic. You were simply in awe and couldn't help but stare at his pretty fingers hitting the keys in just the right ways. When he was finished performing the piece, you were too frozen to do anything. Couldn't even manage to clap, even though he deserved it so much. But you were too transfixed by his playing and those damn hands of his you couldn't possibly move.

"Earth to Y/N?" Renjun went as far as snapping his fingers right in front of your face.

"Huh?" you let out.

"Did I enchant you or what?"

"I think you did," you chuckled. "Just...wow. You're insanely good."

He looked away bashfully.

"Thanks. It just takes practice."

"Nah, I've heard people play before but what you have is different. So pure and genuine. Like a blessing. And I'm not just saying that because I think I'm falling in love with you. I really mean every word."

"Care to repeat that?"

"I really mean..." you started, still not registering what exactly you'd said. How far you'd gone. What you couldn't take back.

"Before that," Renjun reminded you gently. "You know. The part about falling in love with me."

"Shit. I was thinking out loud again, wasn't I?" you asked dumbly. "It's too early for that, I know. I'm really sorry. Let's just pretend I said nothing and forget about it, yeah?"

In your panic, you jumped up from the bench and were about to escape like a coward but Renjun grabbed your hand before you could take another step.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, too," he said.

"W-what?" you stammered.

"And I don't care about whether it's too early or not. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear it. So the question is...what are you going to do about that?"

"Me? What...am I supposed to do?"

"What you want to do," Renjun clarified.

"Um...I want to keep falling in love with you, Renjun. And holding your pretty hands. Spending time with you. Listening to your angelic voice. What I want...is for you to be my boyfriend."

"I thought I already was."

"You were?"

"We went on a couple of dates...we kissed...Haven't I made it obvious enough?"

"Oh, right," you chuckled. "Sorry."

"Say that word one more time, I dare you," Renjun slowly ran a finger down your lips.

"S-sorry?" you had to test his patience. Before you could argue, he kissed you fiercely, wrapping his palms around your cheeks. You were drowning beneath his touch, which was ridiculous, considering he was also setting your lips on fire. You figured if saying sorry too much was going to end up like this, you would be a fool not to take advantage of it.

"Pretty angel," Renjun whispered against your mouth. "My pretty angel."

You were practically melting and the only thing holding you together were Renjun's arms.

"For fear of sounding lame, I'm inclined to say your pretty angel's almost as pretty as you. Key word: almost," you giggled, recalling your earliest attempts at flirting with him.

"Lies," Renjun shook his head.

"Hey, it worked the first time!" you pouted.

"It only worked because you're the pretty one," Renjun ruffled your hair playfully.

"Oh my God, shut up," you covered your face to hide how red it was.

"Never."

The End

#nct #renjun #nct dream #renjun x reader #nct fluff #renjun fluff #hwang renjun #nct romance #hwang renjun x reader #college au #writing

123 notes · View notes

ibijau · 3 years

Text

Futures Past pt13 / on AO3

Nie Huaisang is visited again by his future self, which goes even less pleasantly than before

Nie Huaisang did not enjoy in the least being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night, a hand firmly pressed over his mouth to keep him quiet and avoid waking the other Nie disciples.

His future self really needed to find a better way to visit him. They had to decide on a schedule of some sort, Nie Huaisang ranted when they were outside, hidden away near the cabin he currently inhabited. Or a signal. Or something other than the absolute terror of a stranger taking him out of his bed in the dark.

“Couldn’t you at least have told me when you were planning on coming back?” Nie Huaisang complained, to which his future self shrugged.

“I was supposed to, but I forgot,” the older man muttered from being his fan. “Not that I would have kept to the schedule anyway. I had to know how your time in Yunping City went, so I… pushed hard to come here as early as I could. I probably won’t be able to return again until late fall, or even the bew year.”

He did look tired, and had a slight trembling in his hands, Nie Huaisang noted. Though that could just have been excitement rather than a sign something was wrong with him.

“It went well in Yunping City, I think,” Nie Huaisang announced. “I don’t think that Meng Yao will be going to Lanling Jin now, not if he has even a little bit of brain, and…”

“He’s more stupid than you’d expect,” his older self snapped. “I take it he’s still alive then?”

Nie Huaisang hunched his shoulders and looked down at his feet.

“It’s not like I could actually have killed him! And anyway, he’s nice. Well, I thought he was nice…” The older Nie Huaisang scoffed. “And Lan gongzi thought it too…” Another scoff, and when Nie Huaisang risked a glance, he was met with an expression of disgust. “And Jiang gongzi too had a good opinion of him!”

“You saw Jiang Cheng?” his older self asked, lowering his fan while something shifted in his voice. “How was he? Was Wei Wuxian there too?”

He sounded almost eager to get news, as if he cared about these people.

He sounded almost human.

“I don’t think that other one was there,” Nie Huaisang said, trying to remember. He'd been so nervous about that Meng Yao business, he hadn't paid attention to anything else. “And Jiang gongzi mostly seemed interested in chatting with Lan gongzi. They were getting along just fine. I think they’re writing to each other now? I think Lan gongzi mentioned that the other day.”

Whatever softness had briefly taken over his older self melted in a second, replaced by something dark.

“That’s new,” he said, closing his fan with a flourish before tapping it against his hand. “I knew they would have met briefly in Yunping City, but to my knowledge they didn’t speak at all. We’ll have to be careful. I don’t like the idea of Jiang Cheng siding with that idiot." He sighed. “We’ll see what comes of it in the future. For now, tell me what you’ve done with Meng Yao, since you’re apparently too much of a coward to properly get rid of the man who killed da-ge.”

Nie Huaisang felt breathless at that casual mention of Meng Yao’s true role in his brother’s future death. His older self had said that Meng Yao was involved, that he needed to be dealt with, but Nie Huaisang hadn’t thought…

How could someone like Meng Yao ever kill his brother? Even if he worked day and night, even if he tried as hard as he could, Meng Yao would take years and years to catch up to even a normal cultivator’s level. He would never compare to Nie Mingjue who everyone agreed was a cultivation genius, a force of nature. In a direct confrontation, Meng Yao could never win.

It would have been something more insidious then, Nie Huaisang thought. Poison, or backstabbing, or some other under-handed thing. And since Lan Xichen had appeared so instantly fond of that Meng Yao, since his future self hated him too, maybe he’d accidentally given him the means of coming close to Nie Mingjue. That would certainly explain why that older Nie Huaisang despised both men so intensely.

A little shaken by that theory, Nie Huaisang started recounting what had happened in Yunping City. Or at least, he explained most of it. He was so embarrassed about failing to find the right brothel that he didn’t speak about that, meaning he also didn’t say anything about meeting Lan Xichen in the red district, and that complete breakdown the poor boy had. And while he proudly explained that Meng Yao was now part of Yunmeng Jiang where he appeared to be doing very well according to letters Lan Xichen had received, Nie Huaisang didn’t mention that to obtain that result he’d insulted a sect leader and gotten harshly punished for it. He didn’t think his older self would show much sympathy for his suffering.

Really, talking to that man was like talking to Nie Mingjue when he asked about his brother’s cultivation progress. Except at least Nie Mingjue was only like that some of the time, when the elders had pestered him about Nie Huaisang’s lack of talent for anything one time too many. His older self felt as if he was this way all the time.

“I suppose Yunmeng will have to do,” the older Nie Huaisang sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The Jiangs certainly aren’t going to give him a recommendation to join Lanling Jin. Anything is better than Lanling or Qinghe at this point.”

Nie Huaisang pinched his lips, quite glad he hadn’t mentioned his initial plan of bringing Meng Yao to Qinghe. It had been a stupid plan, he now realised. But he hadn’t known that Meng Yao would be his brother’s actual murderer, and his future self hadn’t said anything, and…

“Now that Meng Yao is dealt with, let’s talk about what you have to do next,” the older Nie Huaisang said.

“About… about S-Su She?” Nie Huaisang quickly asked, trying to sound as indifferent as he could.

His older self opened his fan with an elegant gesture that Nie Huaisang was starting to hate, and shook his head with a cruel smirk.

“No. I’ve given this some thought,” the older man explained, fanning himself slowly. “I’ve reached the conclusion that I don’t care much whether Jin Zixun and him kill each other. Good riddance, neither of them are worth even the dirt used to bury them. These two are just…”

“He’s my friend,” Nie Huaisang squeaked. By which he meant Su She of course, but also…

Jin Zixun and him had exchanged a few glances here and there during particularly boring lessons, and they’d chatted a little when they’d been punished again together, this time over a failed assignment. Jin Zixun wasn’t a friend, but he might have become an acquaintance, and that was probably more than anyone could say about Jin Zixun.

His older self closed his fan with a sharp gesture and glared at him.

“He’s not.”

“But he is!” Nie Huaisang insisted. “I met Su-xiong a while ago, and he’s real nice, and we get along fine, and he even…”

“A man like Su She doesn’t have friends. He’s only using you to get something. What did he make you promise? Support? Help? Money?”

“He’s not like that!” Nie Huaisang cried out, letting his voice rise higher than was truly wise at such an hour of the night.

But he couldn’t let Su She be insulted that way. Maybe it was different where his future self came from, maybe Su She and him hadn’t met over there, but they had met here, and they were true friends.

Su She had amply apologised about not coming to see Nie Huaisang that whole week he’d been punished for his fight with Jin Zixun. He had cited his own punishment, as well as Lan Xichen enrolling him in his book-copying scheme. Both were valid reasons, but Su She still appeared very sorry that he’d let Nie Huaisang deal with that on his own, and shared some candies with him as a way of apology.

Su She was the best friend Nie Huaisang had ever had in his life, and he refused to hear anyone insult him, even himself.

“Su She is no friend of yours,” his older self claimed. “Stop whatever acquaintance you have with him right away. Da-ge wouldn’t approve, anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re at the point of my life where I’m a little idiot who cannot do anything right. If you’re making a decision, it’s always going to be the wrong one, and it will anger Da-ge. So drop Su She immediately.”

"Da-ge isn't like that," Nie Huaisang grumbled.

"I've known him longer than you," his future self retorted. "I know what he thinks of me."

Which might have been true, but it still felt wrong. Nie Huaisang and his brother had their disagreements, of course. Many of them, in fact. They argued over just about anything, but rarely seriously, or about anything really important, and they always made up quickly. Sure, some people misunderstood their relationship and thought they didn't get along. Some had even tried to take advantage of that perceived rift between them, but both brothers knew where they stood.

Nie Huaisang knew his brother would like Su She when he met him. In fact, Nie Mingjue had already promised he could invite his new friend to come to the Unclean Realm, provided he passed his exams.

Maybe it had been too long since his future self had last seen Nie Mingjue, if he could only remember their few disputes and none of the affection.

"The only person you're supposed to pay attention this year to is Lan Xichen," his older self reminded him. "So how are things going on that front? I swear if there's still no progress…"

"No, there is!" Nie Huaisang said, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "A lot of progress! We spend at least a shichen together every week lately, sometimes more!"

"That's a very precise amount," his older self noted. "How do you know it is that much?"

"Well, see, he gives me music lessons. He says I'm quite good at it actually," Nie Huaisang added with pride.

That pride was met with a dark, angry look. Or perhaps not angry as such, Nie Huaisang thought after a moment. Maybe envious instead. Considering the opinion his future self had of Lan Xichen, it was impossible he'd ever been given those lessons, or surely he wouldn't have hated Lan Xichen so much. And since they were the same person, or at least had been the same person before his future self grew up into an asshole, then they had to have the same tastes, the same aspirations.

"What instrument ?"

"The guqin, of course. You know, I always figured it'd be really hard, but I'm liking it a lot, and it's really fun to practice a little every day, and Lan Xichen is a really nice teacher, and he's actually fun, and…"

"He's not," his future self cut him. "And while I'm glad you're finally remembering the part you have to play in our plan, I don't want you to get distracted. Music isn't your goal. Neither is it to actually befriend Lan Xichen. You only need to make him think you're his friend, getting attached as well would be a mistake."

"But…"

"In fact," his older self continued, slowly fanning himself, "it would be best if you gave up already on the idea of having friends. It's not for the likes of us. If you were a little more charismatic and likeable perhaps… but in the end, none of the 'friends' I made at your age were there for me when I needed them. I had to trick them into helping when the time came to avenge da-ge, or they would have let his murderers live free."

"Well maybe if you weren't such a prick they'd still be yours friends," Nie Huaisang muttered, which earned him a slap.

It didn't immediately register that he'd been hit. He just stood there, staring at his older self, vaguely aware of a noise too loud in the quiet night of the Cloud Recesses, and a rising sensation of heat on his cheek.

"I can't believe nobody has ever done that, with how annoying I am," his future self remarked, shaking his hand as if the blow had hurt him too. "Now listen to me. You are not likeable. You are not charismatic. You're not even particularly clever most of the time. Why would anyone want to be friends with you? At best they're tolerating you because it's impossible to just reject the heir of a great sect, but make no mistake, your only quality is Nie Mingjue. In terms of popularity, you rank about as high as someone like Jin Zixun. Do you understand what it means?"

Nie Huaisang failed to contain a few tears as he brought one hand to his smarting cheek. It felt hot to the touch, and he'd have to expend some spiritual energy into it, or else there might be a mark in the morning that would be difficult to explain.

As for his older self's question, Nie Huaisang shook his head the way he felt might be expected of him.

"It means you have to treat people the way they treat you," his older self said. "Keep your heart closed, and use them for what they're worth. Especially Lan Xichen. Get him to trust you, but don't make the mistake of trusting him back. He is a rather poor friend to those who make that mistake."

Gritting his teeth, Nie Huaisang obediently nodded, fearful of being hit again.

But it didn't sound right. He refused to believe that people were as bad as his future self said. Surely Su She at least was better than that. Nie Huaisang could doubt anyone in the world, but not Su She, so he was absolutely not going to dump his friend just because some old creep with trust issues told him to. Not even if the old creep was himself.

As for Lan Xichen… not so long ago, Nie Huaisang might have accepted that unkind assessment of his brother’s friend. But now that they hung out together more frequently, he thought Lan Xichen wasn’t so bad. Their music lessons really were nice. Lan Xichen was patient and encouraging, something few teachers in Nie Huaisang’s life had ever been. He didn’t mind when Nie Huaisang got too tired to focus, or when he struggled with something that should have been easy. He also didn’t take Nie Huaisang’s moments of easy success as proof that he was faking whenever he struggled, and for this alone Lan Xichen had Nie Huaisang’s gratitude.

Not only that, but Lan Xichen had proven that he wasn’t as stiff and boring as Nie Huaisang used to think. He’d listened about the problems that Su She had, hadn’t he? And not just listened, but he’d done something about it, and he was still doing something about it, and not only for Su She’s sake either.

Su She had told Nie Huaisang that any inner clan disciple who bothered an outer disciple was in serious trouble these days if Lan Xichen heard about it… or worse still, if Lan Wangji got involved. He was a stickler for rules that one. Once his brother had casually mentioned to him that some people were breaking Lan principles behind the teachers’ back, Lan Wangji hunted them down and made sure those people regretted it.

All because Nie Huaisang had told Lan Xichen that he didn’t like how people treated his friend.

How could Nie Huaisang not have started liking him a little after that?

“Speaking of making friends,” his future self said, “you remember you need to fail your classes this year, right? We have big plans for next year.”

Nie Huaisang nodded again, with more sincerity this time. Failing his exams would not be difficult. At all. In fact, he was quite good at failing. Lan Qiren could have testified that when it came to failing, he’d never had a student as great as Nie Huaisang.

“Good, excellent. Now, I don’t have much time left here today but… I have a task for you when the classes end.”

“Another thing?” Nie Huaisang lamented. “That wasn’t the deal!”

“It is for da-ge’s good,” his future self snapped, and once again Nie Huaisang wondered if he really loved his brother enough to bother with all this.

He did love Nie Mingjue, no doubt. But he still wondered.

“In fact, it’s for the good of the whole cultivation world,” his future self continued. “This might be the most selfless thing you’re ever going to do, so don’t mess it up. When the classes end, you’re not going home. You’re going to the city of Kuizhou…”

“Really? Oh, that’d be neat. I’ve always wanted to see…”

“You’re not going there to sightsee and think about poetry,” his older self cut him. “You’re going there to find a young criminal by the name of Xue Yang and ensure he never gets to create trouble for the cultivation world. You’ve disappointed me with Meng Yao, but I think you should manage to do the right thing with Xue Yang. He’s only ten or eleven, and you have a sabre, surely it can’t be too hard to dispose of him.”

“You don’t mean…”

The older man closed his fan, his face devoid of emotion. “I would think my meaning is clear enough, but I’m not letting you mess this up as you’ve done with Meng Yao. Xue Yang must die. He grows into too much of a menace as an adult. Even if we're going to make sure his particular skills never become needed by any sect, letting him live is just too risky. He’s devious enough to come up with demonic cultivation all on his own if given the chance to grow up, and he certainly doesn’t have any ideals of justice to help him keep it under control. Kill him before he harms anyone.”

"I'm not a killer!" Nie Huaisang shouted, too loud, far too loud, but he didn’t care, horrified by the very idea of what he his future self was demanding. He felt sorry when fighting fierce corpses and tended to cry at exorcisms, how could he ever… and to a living person, to a child.

And yet his future self rolled his eyes as if his horror were but another minor annoyance to deal with, and started fanning himself again.

"You'll learn fast. Just find a cat, snap its neck, and you'll see how easy it is. After two or three you stop feeling sorry for them, and people aren't so different from cats."

“I don’t think da-ge would want that,” Nie Huaisang protested in a trembling voice. “I don’t think he’d like that at all. It’s just… it’s a kid! Good people don’t kill kids! Even a lot of bad people don’t kill kids!”

“Be quiet, or we’ll be found by whichever Lan disciple is patrolling tonight!”

Good, Nie Huaisang thought. If they were found he’d be punished, sure, but more importantly he’d be forced to tell someone about everything his older self had told him, from the war that was coming, to Nie Mingjue’s death, to killing children. But of course Nie Huaisang couldn’t be so lucky, and no one appeared to have heard him.

“You’re really too naive,” his older self said. “Everyone kills children, they just don’t speak about it and pretend they’re righteous. Even da-ge is no better. I only realised that after the war with the Wens, but it’ll be good for you to grow out of your illusions earlier than that. Besides, you don’t have to tell da-ge that you’ve killed that boy. Keeping secrets is your only real skill, use it.”

“Da-ge isn’t like that,” Nie Huaisang hissed, and felt he’d started crying again.

His brother wasn’t a murderer. He was a good person, he wouldn’t harm anyone who didn’t deserve it… but he might make an exception when it came to the Wens, who nobody in Qinghe Nie really counted as people anymore.

They were just a disease upon the cultivation world, pests that needed to be eliminated. Nie Huaisang, who had always agreed to that, had never really paused before to think that Qishan Wen also counted a number of children, of elders, of servants, of people who really had nothing to do with his father’s death and maybe didn’t even realise there had ever been such a person in the world.

“Da-ge is only human,” his older self said. “And all humans are ready to kill to get what they want. Da-ge wanted to avenge our father. You want to protect da-ge. It’s not so different. If it helps, Xue Yang really deserves to die, so don’t bother feeling sorry for him. He would kill you for candies, given half a chance.”

“I’m not like that,” Nie Huaisang sobbed.

“Not yet perhaps,” his older self conceded in a softer voice. “But you’ll get there anyway. The world is cruel. We must be worse than it is, if we are to survive, if da-ge is to survive.”

The man raised a hand toward Nie Huaisang's head, wanting perhaps to comfort him by ruffling his hair. It was what Nie Mingjue would have done. But Nie Huaisang flinched, fearing to be struck again, and his older self's hand dropped at his side.

“So remember well,” his older self ordered, his tone dry once more. “An orphan boy named Xue Yang, who lives in Kuizhou. He’s a petty criminal for now, he hasn’t yet switched from theft to violent crimes I think, but it’ll come soon. He would be tall for his age I believe. He has a missing little finger on his left hand, and when he smiles his canines are very prominent. He is a monster, and he cannot be allowed to live. Do you understand?”

Through heavy tears Nie Huaisang nodded. That seemed to satisfy his older self who vanished.

Nie Huaisang understood indeed, but he didn’t agree and was certain he never would.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #though this one is really just a double dose of nhs who can't stand himself lol #double time travel #jau writes #mdzs

48 notes · View notes

lobakmerahs · 3 years

Text

One: Painting and Its Secrets

Summary: This series is about Levi’s slow burn relationship with the reader who is not only a squad leader but a spy who works under Scouts Regiment.

Warning: mentions of death

A/n: I hope you, whoever you are that will read my series will enjoy it as much as I do when I wrote it. Thanks and have a pleasant reading! :)

~ 🎨

3 weeks before...

A blond platinum wig in a pixie cut, button down shirt in beige, a dark brown suspenders, a pair of pants in olive green with a jacket in the same colour. Last but not least a black fedora on top of the head. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, making sure that you looked completely different from the real you at the same time not wanting the disguise you were wearing would catch unnecessary attention. After you were fully satisfied with your look, you took your steps outside your little home.

It was supposedly your off day and you were strolling at the Stohess District and went to buy a newspaper before taking your seat at an empty bench while facing the river. After a few moments had passed, you glanced at your watch and stood up to head to your destination.

Hans Art Gallery. You were on time when you stood in front of the art shop as the business was just begun and you were the first one to enter.

“Good morning and welcome to Hans Art Gallery. Is there anything that I can help you, Mrs?,” the gentleman asked.

“A bouquet of tulips for the man with the black shoes.” You answered to the gentleman who was not wearing a pair of black shoes but upon hearing your sentence and clearly understood your code, he went to the back of the gallery before returned to you and handed the canvas piece that was neatly wrapped with an oil paper.

You calmly walked to your home and naturally looked around you to make sure no one was tailing before you entered your house and produced a soft click sound as you locked the wooden door behind you. You didn’t go straight to your room, instead you climbed to the attic and yet again locked the door. Slowly you unwrapped the frame and brought out your forceps as well as your scalpels, no need to ask how did you get those. The canvas held a drawing of an evening sky which was rich with every shades of orange colour capturing the beauty of the sunset, it seemed like it could bring calmness to whoever that laid their eyes on it, but what people didn’t know, didn’t have to know as well as didn’t have the right to know was what lied beneath the drawing. Yes, the drawing was undeniably beautiful, it was made by none other than one of your assets in the Wall Sina that disguised as an art dealer among the nobles. The said asset had planted a few layers of documents under his drawing which was the main reason you were about to form a surgery on the work of art. Meticulously, you ran your scalpel on the border of the drawing, next you brushed your thumb along the already cut borders to make the edges curled upwards then you used your forceps to peal the drawing away, revealing layers of papers which were believed to be the documents that were hidden beneath it.

“Hmmh.. hmmm~ yare yare, found ya’.” You whispered to yourself and smiled in relief, taking out the pieces of papers and gave it a read.

The documents contained the Military Police reports of Nicholas Lovof’s crimes that included bribery, kidnapping, murders and any other atrocities that were enough to put someone under justified punishments. Not only that, the documents also included a detailed descriptions as well as names of the people that were in charge to kill Erwin Smith, a good colleague of yours, thanks to Nicholos’s manipulations. The said people were; a young red-haired girl styled in pigtails, another young man with a light-brown hair and persumably the oldest one of the pack,a sharp dull blue eyes man with a black hair styled in an uppercut.

Then, you made a copy of the documents and kept them in a scroll so you could send them to Erwin, where the original copy of them were properly sealed in an envelope for you to send them to none other than Dhalis Zachary.

~🎨

You took a deep breath, inhaling the morning’s crisp while staring at the blue sky. It was always your favorite thing to do, starring at the sky, focusing on the colours that it held. From the wide ranges of blues, to the variety tones of the white from the clouds and sometimes the contrast colours of orange or pink that appears during dusk or dawn.

After you had enough of your morning pill from the sky, you stepped out of your chamber and was greeted by your best friend, Hange with a raised of both your eyebrows. Both of you did not need much words to greet each other most of the times. You were best friends since your Training Corps years. Morning wasn’t the time for you guys to start acting real with each other. So, both of you walked by each other to the mess hall to get your breakfast then attended the assembly Scout Regiment’s concourse.

During the morning assembly, you lined up beside Erwin as you were also a Section Commander and had your comrades under your unit to stand in a line behind you. As you were standing, you could see there were 3 people standing beside Commander Keith Sadis, and were introduced to the whole Scout Regiment as the new Scouts. One of them was a girl with red-brown hair tied into two pigtails, named Isabel Magnolia, the other was a man with dark blond hair named Furlan Church and the last one named Levi, a shorter man with black hair styled in an uppercut. All three of them were assigned into Flagon's unit much to his dismay. You glanced at Erwin by your side and he gave you a knowing look. While others found those new Scouts’ names foreign, both of you were exceptional and for a good reason.

They were surprisingly good during their training, for some people who never had a formal training using the ODM gear, they performed fantastically well but they still needed some polishing for their Titans killing skills, except for Levi. You were always up to offer help to them but they often misunderstood since you usually looked cold and always a bit brutal during your trainings which were a famous fact among the Scout Regiment. Farlan and Isabel often thought that you hated them since they received resentments from severel other Scout cadets and thinking that you were also in the same boat as the other Scouts. Levi was always with his bored expression, you could barely read his expressions let alone his thoughts, unlike the other two. There was a time where Isabel blurted about why you insisted to help training them when you seemed to dislike them.

“It doesn’t matter if I like you guys or not, people train to kill the Titans and to survive. You guys seemed to rush things and hiding something, as if you wanted you to get done with killing Titans then move on to do something else that isn’t Titans related and I’m here trying to help you not to get killed by Titans”, you answered. There was a short silence followed after your answer. You could tell their breaths hitched for a moment but you remained stolid nevertheless.

“Well, we have to move on to do something else as in to focus on the formation right?”, Furlan replied with a hint of nervous.

“Yeah, let’s hope so.” You answered.

~🎨

In life, there were a lot of moments where the air would be tense and the night before expedition was one of them. The night was calm and quiet but you couldn’t ignore the heavy feeling in your heart. Tonight was just another night inside the wall but to some in the Scout Regiment, it would be their last. Tomorrow’s expedition would surely cost some of your comrades’ lives and might even yours, for the sake of humanity.

You took a deep breath. But it still didn’t help to calm your nerves. You had been pacing in your room since dinner. You couldn’t stay still, palms were sweaty and heart was beating unsually fast tonight. Something bad was going to happen tomorrow. You could feel it in your guts. You recognized these telltale because whenever you felt like this, you’ll end up receiving death news be it your favorite neighbour from your hometown, your beloved pets or even the Scouts that you had helped in training. Deciding that sitting in your room wouldn’t help lessen the nerves, you grabbed your pencils and sketch papers then headed outside to gaze at the starry night sky to do some sketches in hope of easing your mind.

As you arrived at you usual spot at tower of the Scout Regiment barracks, you slumped down and took a glance at the sky. The moon hadn’t shown itself yet, and there were thick clouds hanging everywhere. Then, you stared at your paper and pencil. Blank. No idea. No inspiration. Stuck. You sighed, and continued to stare at the night sky hoping to relax your mind for awhile. Then, you heard the sound of clicking boots which meant that there were people not far from you. It was Furlan and Isabel whom just arrived, they walked to a figure that you assumed to be Levi. You remained quiet and peeped them from your location. You could heard Isabel and Furlan trying to convince Levi about them joining tomorrow’s expedition. As you were eavesdropping not that you planned to in the first place, suddenly your hand started to sketch the paper, starting with the clouds and adding the diamonds in the sky, slowly without you realizing it, you were sketching the trio starring at the starry night sky under the moonlight that shone magnificiently.

When you were done with the sketching, you returned to your room as quietly as possible and continued to add colours to your drawing before you got sleepy and finally free from your anxious feeling earlier. Before you headed to your bed, you jotted down the date behind your work which now known as painting, no longer just a sketch.

During the expedition, you and your squad were put around the right flank of the long range formation. There were few Titans appeared throughout the journey, none that your squad could handle. You were beyond grateful that all of your squad were still well and alive at the moment. Then, you received a signal to tighten the formation since the sky started to show sign that it would rain soon and a heavy one at that. You commanded your squad to pull on the hood of their capes and stayed as close as possible with you and each other so that no one would go unnoticed and it would be easier to assist if anything happen.

Despite the heavy downpour, your squad kept moving forward and you efficiently assisted your squad in killing any Titan that came in the way, it was always your promise to make sure everyone under you would return to the wall safe and alive. Then, suddenly you heard a weird noise coming from in front of you, not the usual strange noise that a Titan would make.A load, short but multiple groan as if a Titan was in pain. So, you rushed to the direction of the sound assuming that there might a cadet or a squad that needed your assistance.

You arrived at the same time as Erwin’s and some other squad leaders, surrounded by an Abnormal Titan’s and plenty of your other comrades’ corpses. Then, you noticed Levi standing next to the Titan’s dead body with blood all over him and Isabel’s head in front of him with half of Furlan’s body not far from him as well. Levi seemed to be the only one survived from his squad. His head hanging slightly low, with his hair covering his eyes but the tears streaming down his cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by you. So, this explained the sweaty palm and racing heart you had another night- to see two cadets that you helped with training days ago, only now left with just just head and half of a body. You felt your shoulder fell and knees slightly shaking. You felt like your breath had been taken away.

As the rain started to stop slowly as the sunshine gently peeking from the clouds, you watched how Levi was about to kill Erwin which was stopped by Mike then Erwin explained about the Nicholos Lovof's situation causing Levi to stop his actions and stood silently, digesting the fact that he was caught up in Erwin’s plans.

You did feel bad for Levi, Erwin wasn’t the only who knew about him and his friends’ true intention of joining the Scout Regiment. You knew about it too. It was your assignment to obtain the information about Nicholos Lofov’s crimes and sent it to Erwin as well as finding out the person who was assigned to supposedly kill Erwin. It was just a simple guess as to why those three didn’t refuse so much on joining he Scout Regiment when Erwin offered them to.

You were assigned with that task since you were not only a Section Commander but also a spy under the Scout Regiment as well as the cadets under your wings and some were also assets scattered across the town in disguise as an art dealer in Wall Sina, a commoner who opened a bakery shop or could be anyone in the town that simply invisible to the world but not to you. You needed to sniff around to obtain crucial informations that could contribute to the Scout Regiment strategies, formation and as well as humanity.

~🎨

The barracks became quieter after the expedition ended which was normal due to the lost of lives. You were at your room that night, just checking your report before you could submit them to Erwin the next morning and decided to write some notes in your book. You opened your drawer and saw the painting that you made before the expedition took place. Levi, Isabel and Furlan staring at the sky. Two of the were smiling in admiration to the sky while Levi just being Levi, stoic as ever except his eyes where they were packed with ......hope.

You suddenly felt drenched and decided to go for a glass of water at the kitchen before you headed to sleep. You inserted the sketching into your notebook and brought them with you to the kitchen, it just came across your mind to let Levi had it since you remembered how shattered he looked when he was kneeling in front of Isabel's head. The kitchen was empty when you arrived so you went to grab a cup and filled it with water.

As you took a sip of water from your glass, you saw Levi entering the same room as yours. Both of you were startled for a second yet no words left your mouths before he proceeded to make himself a tea and you with your drink. The room was filled with silence but not an uncomfortable one, at least for you. That was when it slipped your mind that you wanted to give the drawing to Levi. Only if he would accept your drawing. You thought he might wanted it since that drawing was an evidence of a sweet memory that his two friends left him during their short time in the Scout Regiment. Probably something for him to look at when he felt lonely. He was stirring his teaspoon with his back facing you when you called his name. Probably the first time having you calling his name. Probably the first time you would ever interact with him ever since he joined the regiment.

“.....um..Levi,” you called. That’s when your heart skipped a beat. And you felt a bit....just a bit nervous to see him reacting to you. Then, he turned around and faced you, intense dull blue eyes focusing on your eyes, expecting you to continue. You gulped. Man, was his gaze always this tense? You never noticed that before for sure.

“I was at the tower the night before the exhibition, with my sketching utensils because I needed to calm my nerves. Then suddenly you guys came and I made something. I didn’t plan doing it, I just went with the ideas flowing in my head,” you stopped and brought out your painting to his attention. He stayed focus listening to you and eyes never left your face before he took the drawing and examined it. You couldn’t say he was amused but his gaze did soften a little.

“I’m sorry I draw the three of you without your permission.I know I should have asked your consent. And um, you could keep that...... If you want though,” you continued. You felt quite nervous not because you were scared of him, shy probably but not scared. You were nervous because one, you wished your drawing didn’t remind him of his late friends in a bad way and caused him more sadness, two, you didn’t want him to get mad at you for drawing him without his permission and three, um...what if your drawing looked like a toddler’s work? That would suck.

“It’s nice,” Levi finally spoke. His deep monotone voice comforted your ears. You breathed out a relief.

“I want to keep it,” Levi said, hand still holding your drawing, eyes travelling back to yours with a softer gaze and as if asking for your permission.

You nodded, “sure, make it yours, I do hope it’ll help you feel better, if that's even possible”, you replied with a soft chuckle as you slowly stood and got ready to head back to your room.

You saw Levi took a glance at the drawing then looked at you again before he replied you with, “thanks, I’ll treasure it.”

You flashed a small smile before yawning and took off to your room to get your sleep. Feeling light and at ease, knowing your drawing could help lift up someone’s mood.

Little did you know that, back in his chamber, Levi stared at your painting. He indulged himself into the painting that you made, every drop of colour as well as every line and traces left on the paper by you, realized how he missed watching his lost friends’ smiles and thanks to you, he could see his friends’ smiles once again eventhough it was just on a piece of a paper. Not to mention, he finally got to interact with you. You striked a mysterious aura when you first appeared before his eyes which intrigued him to get to know you, yet he never had a chance or a reason to talk to you but you were always there somewhere in the back of his mind. He was utterly grateful with the drawing you made, at least he could carve the smiles of his friends into his mind, their smiles might no longer exist in this world but it would always be in his heart and mind.

Next chapter

#levi ackermann #levi ackermann x reader #levi x reader #levi ackermann imagines #levi ackermann fic #shingeki no kyojin #aot x reader #aot imagines #levi aot #aot fanfic #levi ackermann fanfic #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #Furlan Church #Isabel Magnolia #hange zöe #Erwin Smith #erwin smith

50 notes · View notes

thrillridesz · 3 years

Text

This is completely unnecessary and completely dumb but as an avid fan of six of crows, I’m going to assign a crow + shadow and bone character to my moots today for no particular reason other than the fact I feel like it. (if you haven’t already read Leigh Bardugo’s six of crows duology, what are you doing. I haven’t yet read S&B so I’ll base it completely off the Netflix show.)

!NO SPOILERS! (So rest assured)

+ also consider this a love letter to y’all.

[My moots as SoC crows + Shadow and Bone characters]

Kaz Brekker - @timextoxhajima

Resourceful, ingenious and cunning - these are all words that describe Ketterdam’s infamous ‘Dirtyhands’. Having single-handedly led the Crow Club to its esteemed, notorious status in the Barrel in a matter of a few short years, this man is shrewd and nothing can get past him. Determined in everything he does and well-prepared for any obstacles that stand in his way, Kaz Brekker is a crook to be well-respected, valued and feared.

Just like Kaz, I think Dana is a very clever person and I’ve never really seen her break a sweat over anything even when under intense pressure. She’s strong and very dedicated to everything she does which is super admirable. I feel like both Kaz and Dana give me the vibes that if they’re around, everything will be fine because they are able to handle anything thrown in their way.

Inej Ghafa - @sunqnyu

Inej, for a wraith, is probably one of the characters with the strongest moral compass I’ve ever seen in a book about a heist. She is kind, sensitive and merciful. When she’s after something she really wants, she doesn’t hold back and charges ahead (and she's great at what she does) but will never hurt others on her way there. Inej is a crow that cares about the people around her, especially the ones she loves, sometimes putting their own needs above her own.

To me, Bella and Inej have a lot in common when it comes to their kind personalities and ability to see the good in everyone. They don’t treat people differently and are never mean to others. They may be soft hearted at times but can also be some of the most headstrong, competent people. Sometimes, I read SoC again and think of the similarities between Bella and Inej. It's uncanny.

Jesper Fahey - @yangyanghater

The best way to describe Jesper, the sharpshooter would be that of a volatile, crackling firecracker. Restless, full of chaotic energy and teasing, this man has a silver tongue and can quite literally chat his way either into trouble or out of. He lives on adrenaline rushes and when you talk to Jesper, you never know what you’re going to get. Laughter would be a good bet.

Cal and Jesper should just be twins at this point. Seriously, when it came to Jesper, I was just immediately like ‘Ok, Cal. No doubt about it.’ They both radiate such chaotic energy, I HAD TO. The sarcasm that they both have are one of a kind and I think talking to Cal would be very much like talking to Jesper. You always feel excited or intrigued.

Nina Zenik - @moonsunwoojoong

A Grisha heartrender, Nina does more than practice the small sciences and is able to quite literally charm others just by being herself! She is confident, witty and very strong at heart. Never one to care about what others have to say about her, she expresses herself freely and openly. Her flirtatious wiles endear to everyone and she is truly a people’s person. Loyal to a fault, Nina never leaves her own people in a rut.

Amber and Nina... God, they would make an amazing pair. I feel like they would both sort of ‘get’ each other? Like they would both understand each other because of how similar their views are. Amber gives me very confident, segcy vibes just like Nina does and like Nina, Amber’s loyalty and softness for her ‘own people’ (like friends, family) is super endearing.

Matthias Helvar - @berrysungie

Matthias was my favourite character in the SoC duology when I was first reading it, and he still is. Courageous and protective of those he loves, this Drüskelle will stop at nothing to defend those he considers dear to his heart from any danger out there even if it meant putting himself in harm’s way. He is a fighter, noble and though frigid and misunderstood at times, he only truly loosens up around his loved ones and will never, ever betray his allegiances.

Daisy and Matthias are both FIGHTERS. They never give up without a fight and firmly stand by their beliefs but are also very open to new opinions and are in no way, close-minded. They both strike me as very noble people and not gonna lie, sometimes I’m intimidated by Daisy as I am when I read about Matthias sometimes. It’s like they’re both so cool and I’m a potato.

Alina Starkov - @nyuwings

Alina is upright, inquisitive and brave. We’re talking about a girl who chooses to face almost imminent death for the sake of a close friend. She may be naive at first but she learns quickly and she learns well. When she puts her heart into something, she excels at it. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, her loyalties are firm and she knows her rights from her wrongs. Willing to learn from her mistakes, that’s what makes the Sun Summoner so great compared to the other Grishas who are largely blinded by their own egos.

Elle always gave me main character vibes, I swear. Especially when we’re talking about main characters like Alina Starkov. When I talk to her, I sometimes feel like she has this untouchable, special aura? Like I want to tell her everything and I trust her. Like Alina, she's got a good head on her shoulders and I’m not sure honestly... Could it be the ‘Chosen One’ vibes?

Wylan Van Eck - @lsangyeons

Another gravely misunderstood character. Wylan is first seen as timid, afraid and constantly underestimated. Yet, what hides beneath this facade is an intelligent, tenacious soul. He is polite, considerate and full of good mannerisms despite being a part of the Dregs which honestly should have taken all of that from him but somehow they didn’t. Very kind and friendly, one should not take this sweet persona as something to be picked on because this man can quite literally blow your minds.

Yu and Wylan are to me both very overlooked. Not enough people appreciate them and it sucks because they deserve SO MUCH. They are the people that everyone takes for granted. They do not choose to make themselves known or try to take the spotlight away from their friends, but rather choose to support them from the back. They are talented but often don’t realise that they are. Very, very admirable.

Malyen Oretsev - @hhjs

Malyen to me is a very hotheaded, bold and valiant character. He never backs down from a fight and stand firm for what he believes to be right and doesn't care if there’s a thousand men going against him. This is what makes him so appealing. He does what he want when he wants and has a very strong sense of what is right and wrong.

I feel like Amal and Mal have a lot in common such that they are both very daring and firm people. They don’t let their opinions get swayed by anyone - what is right is right. They are unafraid to stand up to injustice and voice their opinions. Both exude a lot of confidence and somehow they just seem like people you like or look up to.

Genya Safin - @experimentalwrites

Genya is very much like a mentor. Her personality is gentle, encouraging and sweet. As a Grisha tailor, most of her job is focused on helping people and helpful she is. She is caring towards everyone and never discriminates. Good-natured and wise, she is the perfect definition of what a great role model should act and be like.

Like Genya, Nabi exudes mentor like vibes to me. Around her, I feel like I can talk about my problems and seek sound advice from her. She doesn’t judge and can be depended upon. Her friendship is one I treasure a lot and her caring nature is what makes her so extremely attractive and amazing.

Zoya Nazyalensky - @sly-merlin

Zoya is what comes to mind when I think of a strong, independent woman whose leadership qualities far surpass that of others. Although prickly towards those she considers her enemies, she is very kind and forgiving towards the people she cares for. Even in great pressure, she is able to think clearly and exercise logical thinking. Her mere presence comforts those around her.

Simmi was the first person I thought of when I was thinking of Zoya. Competent, strategic and giving to her friends. They both have boss lady/queen vibes and though both may seem intimidating, are actually very sweet people. They have a hard exterior but a very soft, endearing interior. Precious beans, seriously.

#tag #lovely moots #IF YOU HAVEN'T READ SOC PLS DO

21 notes · View notes

annikasafternoonread · 3 years

Text

So. That’s The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Thoughts. I have them. This is going to be a long one, folks, so buckle in.

I guess my overall report would be... better than expected. That might sound like faint praise, but I had serious reservations coming into this book. I think a lot of people were concerned when it was first announced. And I certainly think those reactions were warranted and valid and I don’t regret them -- this book could have been a mess.

It wasn’t. It didn’t try to rehabilitate Snow, didn’t try to make him relatable or sympathetic or misunderstood or a victim. It didn’t do any of that. Snow was a privileged, bigoted, ignorant, self-centered asshole with a superiority complex the size of a planet. Collins got that much right at least. We can see some of the forces that conspired to make him that way, but they don’t make him any less of a terrible person who did terrible things for terrible reasons.

But. That kind of character... is not the most fun to read, honestly. I don’t love spending this much time reading a book that just makes me angry. I don’t love spending this much time with a person I hate. I think I’m glad I read it, to know more what it was and to gain some interesting context about the world, but I don’t think I’d read it again. And I don’t know that I’d recommend it. If I did, it would come with some heavy caveats on there.

So that’s my overall impression: better than expected, worth reading once and no more. On to some more specific hot takes.

So first off, Lucy Gray. I love her in a lot of ways, but she also confused me and I was a little disappointed by other aspects. She’s fun and talented and sweet, but girl what the fuck do you see in Snow he’s a shithead I mean less of a shithead to you, at least compared to the rest of the Capitol, and he did sort of save her life so like Florence Nightingale Syndrome or whatever, but ugh. Gross. I really really really wanted her to be playing him. And I’m not entirely sure she’s not.

As she says when talking about Billy Taupe being a possessive jealous asshole, flirting with people is part of the job description when you’re a performer and entertainer. It’s what she does. It’s what she’s always done. It’s what’s kept her alive for years, being charming and sweet and desirable and making people love her. And now in the Games, she’s relying on Snow to keep her alive. So the more he wants to keep her alive, the better. And if he’s in love with her, and thinks that she’s in love with him, then he’ll be very invested in keeping her alive. As Snow notes at the end, she killed quite a few people, in ways that could have been self-preservation or happenstance or mercy, but could also have been calculated as fuck. It’s hard to say.

I can’t tell you how much I hoped that she’d be cool towards him after the Games, that it would have been all for show and Snow would run back to the barracks with his tail between his legs. She didn’t, which is a big part of why I don’t think she was playing him. Her joy, her kisses, her invitations to spend time together, her song, it doesn’t seem like a lie. But on the other hand, maybe thumbing her nose at a Peacekeeper and Capitol high muckity-muck wouldn’t have been a smart move. Maybe having a Peacekeeper on your side, and someone with Capitol connections, would have been very handy. After all, he kept bringing them ice and baked goods and such. If they could keep him close, he might stand up for them if the Peacekeepers wanted to ban them (which they eventually did a few months later, so the Covey probably knew it was a possibility). He might or warn them if something bad was coming.

The thing that swung me back to “maybe” is how fast she went from “let’s run away to the woods together and be free” to “I’m gonna sic a snake on this motherfucker.” Like, yes he deserved that, but he always deserved it. That’s a hell of a swing for a few hours. Was it just realizing he might have sold out Sejanus that swung her opinion? Was there something else instead or as well? Did that push her to make new connections, or finally tip over the pile of reservations she’d been ignoring? Maybe. But it just seems... like it might have been more than that. Like maybe she was planning to ditch him anyways, though I can’t imagine why. Idk, the theory doesn’t hold together terribly well, but neither does Lucy Gray’s infatuation with another shitty possessive abusive man. Or maybe that’s just patterns.

The question of what happened to Lucy Gray honestly doesn’t interest me that much. I’m sure there’s plenty of speculation and opinions and headcanons about whether she returned to District 12 or escaped to the wilds or died there in the woods, but frankly I don’t care. Oh, I hope she lived, but it’s not relevant. There isn’t an answer, so I’m not terribly interested in figuring it out.

What I do find interesting is Dean Highbottom. He’s a very ironic character, in my opinion. He tells us at the end that he thought up the Hunger Games in a class assignment “to create a punishment for one’s enemies so extreme that they would never be allowed to forget how they had wronged you.” He didn’t actually want the Hunger Games to be real or think they ever could be, and he felt terrible about even submitting the assignment (against his will). He turned to drugs when the proposal was brought forward and became real, because he was so horrified. He didn’t believe in that kind of vengeance, didn’t want to keep that hatred alive. He didn’t think that was what humanity was or should be.

And yet. His response to Papa Snow’s betrayal in submitting an assignment about punishing innocent children for a crime they didn’t commit was to punish Snow for a crime he didn’t commit. So maybe he’s wrong about humans, or at least about himself.

I don’t think Dr. Gaul is right about human nature being inherently evil and violent and selfish, though. Put us in the right circumstances and maybe, sure, but we don’t have to be in those circumstances. She’s so caught up in the eternal war, and obviously you can’t stop a war if you believe it’s still going. And maybe eventually if you’re not hardass there’ll be another one, but maybe there won’t! And goodness knows being hardass didn’t stop the next war! It’s impossible to say for sure that if the Capitol/all of Panem had been more fair and just and kind, the next war wouldn’t have been sooner, but it’s also impossible to say that it wouldn’t have been later, or never. That seems worth fighting for. Dr. Gaul terrifies me, obviously, but she also kind of just makes me sad. What a depressing worldview. She doesn’t see it that way, I’m sure, just sees it as a challenge and a game, but it is sad.

The rest of my thoughts are less expansive, so let’s just bullet point them:

Propaganda works terrifyingly well. Be careful of your internalized biases and the messaging being fed to you.

The effects of pride and honour and position are wild. Snow was simultaneously crushed and elevated by them, as was Sejanus.

Speaking of Sejanus, he deserved better. I love my son.

The fuck was up with Clemensia? They never really resolved that. Is she actually okay? Did her skin grow back? How the hell did that happen? Could she have turned into a snake? Why was she so cutting and mean and unlike herself? Was Gaul controlling her somehow? Why did they refuse to tell her parents anything? But also how could she manage to escape from her room to sneak in on Snow? What the fuck?

I love the full circle of a Mockingjay bringing Snow up, as Lucy Gray’s voice and fame helped him to rise and bloom, to gain Dr. Gaul’s favor and the Plinths’ money, pulling him out of his , and then a Mockingjay tearing him down, when he crossed Katniss and put her family in danger and she decided he had to die.

This was a fucking essay, which I feel a little bad about, but I had a lot of thoughts and feelings okay? XD For anyone who actually read this whole thing, you are a saint, you deserve several cookies, I don’t have a way to give you any so here is instead a picture of my kitten using TBOSAS as a pillow.

Have a good day! See you soon for Mockingjay Part 2.

#annika reads #Suzanne Collins #The Hunger Games trilogy #The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes #book outro #bookshelf

24 notes · View notes

buckybabybaby · 4 years

Text

Not So Bad

A/n: this is my one shot for @firefly-in-darkness's summer challenge. It's a couple of days late, I'm so sorry!! I wrote most of this in one go on Friday, which is the most I've written in months, so hopefully I can keep that up.

Proof read by way of a text-speech device.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/reader (gender neutral)

Word count: 1998

Warnings: none :)

Plot: stuck on a beach awaiting pick-up after a mission, you and Bucky have an interesting conversation. (Enemies to friends (to implied maybe lovers later))

Masterlist

*****

The steady lapping of the waves washing up onto the sand below is the only sound breaking the silence between you and Bucky. Seated at opposite ends of the last bench on the promenade, you are seriously considering typing up your notice the minute you get back home and walking away from The Avengers if this is the way you're going to be treated. Not only have you had to spend the last two weeks acting all lovey-dovey with Bucky for the sake of a mission, but now it's over you're stuck on a beach with him as you wait for a pick up. Because, apparently, a domestic flight back home would be too risky.

A light flickering in the distance catches your attention, and you raise your head to watch as the illuminations strung along the closest pier are extinguished one by one, until only the hazard warning at the very end remains lit, plunging the beach further into darkness.

“That'll be midnight then.”

It shouldn't, but Bucky's voice coming from beside you for the first time in hours makes you jump. Sitting up straighter, you attempt to hide your shock as you ask, “What will be?”

“The lights. The pier closes at midnight. I guess it's just you and me now.”

Looking away, you roll your eyes; this mission hasn't been easy for you, and you've had to hold yourself back from repeating that action many times during the last fortnight. Normally working with world-saving heroes is the dream job, but normally you're not sent out undercover with the formal Winter Soldier, forced to act like a honeymooning couple to infiltrate a people smuggling ring operating out of an exclusive Floridian beach resort. Though it wasn't hard to get people to talk and the mission was a success, you feel little joy in the outcome.

The reason is currently huffing next to you.

“Stop that!”

Bucky looks across at you, raising his eyebrows at your outburst. “Stop what?”

“Breathing so heavily!”

“Oh, you want me to stop breathing?”

“I wouldn't complain.”

“That'll be a first.”

Refusing to rise to the bait, you turn back to staring out to sea. How you survived pretending to be married to this man for fourteen long days, you may never know. Maybe you were an actor in another life, because every time you're alone with him it usually leads to petty squabbling, but you somehow managed to fool multiple people into believing that he was your 'amazing husband' who you were madly in love with.

To be fair to Bucky, he was very good at pretending too. The little glances and touches that made it convincing, the way he memorised your back story perfectly and never slipped up when questioned, how he succeeded to completely hide his disdain for you the whole time, it was all truly impressive. Even in private he didn't drop the act, on the slim chance of being caught out, leaving you flustered and confused.

Hence why you're sitting as far away as possible on this weather beaten bench.

As soon as the all clear had been given that you could go home, you couldn't get out of there fast enough, desperate to sleep in your own bed alone and not share one with the furnace in human form that is Bucky. Apart from the comment about the pier, he's been completely silent as you waited for the rescue boat to arrive, a jarring contrast to earlier in the day as you checked out of the hotel.

You don't like the way you miss his gentle hold and soft words. A fortnight living together has warped your emotions beyond recognition, and the return to normal life is most welcome.

From somewhere deep in the pile of luggage on the beach your phone buzzes twice, and you jump up to grab it, groaning in frustration at the message it contains.

Bucky senses the cause. “Delayed?”

“Hmm.”

“Cool.”

He says it so casually and it's like you snap. It's been ages since the two of you have been alone without the threat of eavesdroppers, all that pent up tension exploding in a mini rant.

“Well it might be cool for you, but excuse me for being annoyed. Not everyone wants to be stuck on a beach in the middle of the night.”

He shrugs, unaffected. “You kept saying you wanted to go to the beach.”

“Yeah, but not at midnight! And certainly not with you!”

“Wow, ouch.”

The genuine hurt on his face surprises you. He has always given as good as he gets, never seeming fazed by the verbal abuse you throw his way. “What, Bucky? Don't act like we get along. You hate me!”

If anything, the look of hurt deepens at your words. “Hate? I don't hate you.” He rises to stand with you on the sand. “Y/N? Is that what you think?”

You can't keep eye contact. “Why would I think anything else? We can't spend ten minutes together without arguing.”

“It's just friendly bickering.”

“Friendly?” Scoffing loudly, you walk back up to the bench, flopping down in a slouched position and resigning yourself to the wait. “If that's your idea of friendly I worry about your actual friends.”

Bucky's stood frozen where you left him but you pay him no mind. As the clouds clear above and the stars become visible, the temperature starts to drop. Shivering, you curl into a ball on the seat, too lazy to search through your suitcase for warmer clothes.

“Here.”

Blinking, you're met with Bucky's outstretched hand and the offering of his coat.

“What.” You say flatly.

“So you don't freeze,” He explains, shaking the jacket a little in your face.

You snort at his act of chivalry. “Oh, please. It's okay, the shows over. You don't need to pretend any more, we haven't got an audience here.”

He visibly holds his tongue. “Will you just take it? Stop being so stubborn.”

“Well, what about you? Don't you need it?”

“Super soldier, doll. We tend to run hotter.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” You mutter under your breath, not quietly enough.

“Oh, you did? Must have kept you nice and warm huh?”

The smirk you know so well is back and you fight your smile at the familiar tone in his voice.

“More like sleeping with a damn heater. You're lucky I didn't kick you out every night.”

“As if you could.”

“You know I could.”

He nods in agreement, remembering all the times you've beaten him in combat training. “Suppose you could've. But you didn't. That's something.”

Placing the jacket over your shoulder when you sit up, Bucky pulls it round to the front to fasten the top button, allowing you to do the rest yourself as he takes his place back on the bench. You are much closer now as you chose to sit in the middle of the seat, but you stay put as it feels rude to move away when he's been so nice.

The air is once again full of only the sounds of nature. It was true you had wanted to visit the beach during this mission, the long stretches of white sand calling your name from the hotels bedroom window, but you hadn't got the chance as the suspects you were tailing stayed around the bar and pool. As you breathe in the salty air, you decide the pain of the last fortnight was worth it for this moment, even in the middle of the night and without the longed for ice cream.

Glancing over to Bucky's relaxed form, you study his profile. Whilst you've seen it a lot recently, it still shocks you how defined his face is and the way his hair always seems to fall perfectly, no matter the time of day or weather. Even his early morning bed-hair could be classed as a tousled style others would take hours to achieve, and you can't believe you've never noticed how attractive he is. And it's not just his looks, if the way he acted his role is anything to go by. This mission has taught you one thing; who ever Bucky does end up marrying will be the luckiest person in the world.

You think of your previous conversation, still lost. Since your first meeting it's been the same, sharp tongues flinging insults at each other whenever you meet, and the others in the tower have learnt to avoid the two of you when you get going. Does Bucky really think that that's all been in jest?

Eventually, the curiosity gets the better of you. “Do you really not hate me?”

He takes a few seconds to reply, not looking at you as he says quietly, “No, of course not.”

“Okay.” You don't bring up your regular fights as evidence to the contrary, instead asking, “And you actually enjoy my company?”

“Why do you think I volunteered for this?”

“Volun-what?” That really wasn't what you expected when you started on these questions. You stare at him wide-eyed with disbelief, sure you've misunderstood. “I thought we were assigned? I definitely didn't choose to be here.”

“You were assigned. They thought you'd blend in well with the crowds here, they just needed someone to be your husband and... Here we are.”

“Huh.” You blow out a breath, overwhelmed.

“I thought it would be a way to spend time together without the usual spats.”

“That's an extreme way to spend time with someone.”

He sighs. “I know.”

“But why? With me?”

“'Cause you're fun to be with?”

“Are you telling me or asking?”

“Telling. I want to be better, nicer to you, but any time we're together, you get all defensive, and I can't help returning the sentiment.”

“So, it's my fault?”

“That's not-” He cuts himself off, stopping the argument before it can begin. “I'm sorry.”

“No, I'm sorry.” You smile at him for the first time. “You're going to have to give me a while to get used to this. I'm finding it kinda hard to believe you don't actually hate my guts.”

His own smile drops. “I'm so sorry.” Dragging a hand through his hair, he gazes at you intensely. “This is... I honestly had no idea you thought our arguments were serious. I thought-” He swallows, a self conscious grin tugging at his mouth. “Is it awful that I thought we were flirting?”

Your cheeks heat up, but you shake your head to reassure him. Thinking back, you can see why he believed that. There is a fine line between hate and love, and it makes sense now why you sought him out so often, why you gravitated to him even when it would be so easy to avoid contact, and why, if you're being honest with yourself, you didn't despise the last two weeks at all.

“So, where do we go from here?”

“First, we go home.” He gestures to the vessel you hadn't noticed bobbing in the surf, waving at the captain as the speed boat is launched to retrieve you and your belongings. “And then? Whatever you want.”

“Can we start just being proper friends?”

He reaches for your hand to help you up. “I'd like that.”

Stretching, you follow him across the beach in the gloom. Picking up your holdall and rucksack on the way, you dump them into the bottom of the boat and climb in, sitting close together on the narrow bench. The crew shout at each other over the engines roar once you're both safely on the yacht, but you tune them out, choosing to stay on deck and admire the lights along the coast. Bucky joins you after you tire of his hesitation and tug him down into the seat to you.

As the boat starts the journey back north he glances at you through the spray of salt water, the small smile you share feels so much bigger, and your letter of resignation couldn't be further from your mind.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybabybaby

107 notes · View notes

nowhereismyhome · 2 years

Text

I’m here because I’m lost

Hey there! So this is my first post on tumblr. Oh boy, I bet I’m going to do everything wrong. That’s okay, I guess. Time to skip to what brings me here.

Have you ever felt like society as a whole doesn’t understand you? Like your feelings aren’t even a thing in its eyes? Like you need to scream your inner truths so that at least one person might see you exist? That’s how I’m feeling right now and that’s why I’m writing this here. There’s some stuff I need to get out of my chest, perhaps unsurprisingly about matters like gender, sexuality and social dynamics. Not to annoy anyone, just because I’m feeling painfully misunderstood.

There are lots of people and groups and communities around, but none seems to fit how I experience every day life, or the other way around if you prefer. I could put tons of labels on my person - and I will, because otherwise how could anyone understand where I’m coming from? -, but the most important part here is that none of these labels really reflects who I am or what I think. I don’t seem to fit in any of the communities attached to them. I’m here because I’m different enough that I couldn’t find appropriate support and agreement anywhere. Maybe I just didn’t look well enough. That’s actually likely, and that’s what I hope by writing here; I hope that someone will tell me: “hey! I totally understand how you feel, and I feel the same way, and I know how you could feel a little better about it!” We’ll see.

So, time to list those labels, then; otherwise what I need to tell won’t make much sense. Who am I?

First off, I was assigned male at birth, but I’ve never felt right playing that social role (what an understatement... you could say it makes me feel nauseous), and in the recent years (much too late alas), I have realized that I would only be fully myself if I had an entirely different body, preferably a female one. So... you could say I’m trans, even though I’m not planning to ever transition (for various reasons such as fear and the feeling that the results would never be satisfying enough to be worth the effort; more on that in another post most likely). So, trans MTF, I guess that’s the first label, though I don’t think I fit that label much overall.

Since I’m not planning to transition, I’m currently living my life with the appearance of a male, though I’m certainly not cisgender. On the internet, any pronoun is okay to refer to me; IRL, I favor they/them because she/her would be too complicated to use given my looks, but given that my mother tongue doesn’t have neutral pronouns, I’m forced to use he/him a lot in daily life (I don’t like it but I’m used to it so it’s fine). Not that pronouns matter all that much to me in the end... they’re not what causes my suffering.

A lot of my suffering comes from being forced to play in daily life such a counter-natural role for me as that of a male in our society. Part of it is because I’m trans. Part of it is because of some issues I perceive with gender roles and with my body. And part of it is also due to my sexual preferences: I’m rather strongly sub/bottom oriented... but visibly not in the same way that the Internet seems to understand those words. Obviously, all these three things are connected to each other, but they’re different things nonetheless. So, you could say here are three labels I need to address, since they all affect me simultaneously: trans MTF, biological/social male, and sexually sub/bottom (with some extra specifics in each of those cases). I’m not here to talk about oppression, privileges, politics or anything like that. I’m just here to talk about my personal experiences, my every day suffering, in the hope that someone will relate and bring me that relief of no longer feeling entirely alone in my feelings.

There are a few other labels that certainly matter: I’m a geek (BIG TIME; and you could say for once I fit, somewhat), a huge introvert (almost pathologically so), and undergoing crippling depression. For the curious among you, I also have an academic background (in philosophy), and I think that’s enough labels for now; maybe I’ll have to add some to the list later on, but right now I don’t see how those would be required for my topic here.

#sexuality #transexuality #mtf #submission #depression

2 notes · View notes

mneiai · 4 years

Link

This was inspired by a discussion on my fanfic discord. It’s slightly angsty.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Alpha-17 didn't think much of the Jedi, for all they'd been made for them. He'd had too much instruction directly from Jango Fett to think they'd be worthy of the army they were getting.

It was why he was pleasantly surprised when General Kenobi ended up...not being completely worthless. He'd understood war like it was an instinct for him, slotting into the army like a perfectly sized space had been planned the whole time.

That gave Alpha-17 hope...up until he started working with the other Jedi. Skywalker was one thing, he was a cadet and Kenobi coddled him on top of that. But the other Generals, the ones who were older than Kenobi, who had higher ranks than him in their Order, were something else.

Whenever he had to work with one of them, there were betting pools among the Vod'e of how long they'd last. It wasn't as if Alpha-17 was killing them himself, he just didn't feel the need to point out their mistakes to them. As long as it wasn't getting any of his family killed, he'd let them throw themselves into whatever fucked up situation they'd completely misunderstood.

Even though he was never to blame, eventually he just started being assigned to Kenobi all the time. It was what he wanted and it was what Kenobi deserved, an ARC Trooper at his side who would push him away from his useless Jedi morality and help him become even better than he was.

The curiosity over why Kenobi was so much better was natural, even the rest of the Vod'e whispered theories in their bunks at night. Some thought he might have come from some warrior race (when they found out he was fluent in Mando'a, some even wondered if he'd been Mandalorian all along, stolen or lost). Others thought there might be some secret sect of warrior Jedi among the Order, but Kenobi was the only one bold enough to reveal himself so early.

Alpha-17 was no coward, but it still took him months to finally ask.

From the look Kenobi gave him, he almost wished he hadn't.

"When I was a Padawan, my Master and I were tasked with rescuing another Jedi who was being held hostage on a wartorn planet," Kenobi finally stated, long after Alpha-17 thought he might just ignore him. "A local insurgent group who was trying to stop the fighting assisted us and when we had our charge and were ready to go...I couldn't. I couldn't leave them there, seeing how they were being slaughtered by the armies. So I stayed."

Kenobi gave a wry smile, a look Alpha-17 had grown to know well. "In those days, Jedi didn't fight in wars. We were peacekeepers, negotiators, not soldiers. I had to leave the Order to fight. I spent months there, living underground, traveling through the sewers, fighting. Eventually, we won." His face spasmed, some emotional too strong for his usual calm trying to break through that mask, before settling. "For a certain measure of 'winning.' I ended up back in the Order, though I was ostracized for much of the rest of the year."

"'In those days'?" Alpha-17 repeated, raising his eyebrows--Kenobi was in his mid-thirties but was talking about the whole situation like it had happened a long time ago.

He took a deep breath, shrugging off his next words like they wouldn't be a punch to Alpha-17's gut. "I was thirteen, at the time."

Thirteen. Natborn thirteen. A Vod'e would be six. Alpha-17 would expect them to be able to fight, to defend themselves and their home, but even he wouldn't deploy them to an active warzone without backup.

"Don't look at me like that, I was a Padawan, I'd grown up in the Temple and knew how to fight. Most of the others were younger than me."

"The Jedi just left you there?"

He'd heard the stories from Jango, about just how awful the Jedi were, but his impression so far was that they were inept, not...not this. It put a whole new perspective on the Padawan Pack, on how desperate Kenobi seemed to keep those kids together with some semblance of supervision. Who knew what the Order would have done with them, what they would have gotten thrown into alone, if he hadn't.

"I had left the Order."

"You were thirteen, I know how young that is in the Republic." He'd had to study all sorts of Republic laws during his training, had chafed at many of them compared to what he'd learned of Mandalore. "Fuck. Fuck."

He got up, hands clenching and unclenching into fists at his side as things fell in place in his head. Kenobi's Master had abandoned him in the worst way, no wonder he was so tender and forgiving of Skywalker. And whatever had happened to get the Jedi to take him back must have done a lot to keep him from questioning--from even looking like he was questioning--their Council.

"Alpha, there's no need to get worked up." Kenobi telegraphed his movement as he placed a hand on Alpha-17's arm, clearly knowing better than to take him by surprise even though they'd never had a single interaction to warn him about it. "This all happened long ago. Some of the people involved aren't even alive anymore. And I believe you've been praising the results, as much as you can."

And wasn't that a slap in the face? Knowing everything he'd liked about Kenobi, all the reasons he found himself unexpectedly wanting to be around a Jedi, came from something like that. It made Alpha-17 feel dirty, thinking about it.

"That shit making you a better general doesn't excuse it, Kenobi," he growled. "There's a middle ground between being kriffing useless at war and being good at it because you were a child soldier."

Kenobi tried to dismiss his words with a gesture and Alpha-17--Alpha-17 wouldn't stand for it. He caught Kenobi's wrists, holding them as gently as he could without letting him easily break away. Sometimes, watching him fight, he forgot how fragile Kenobi was, but at the moment he couldn't help but notice. He might be a touch taller, but Kenobi was more slender in build and thinner still from an emphasis on lean muscle and a willingness to skip rations for the soldiers.

He must have been a tiny thing, as a child. Even moreso after a few months of war.

"I know it's too late for us to do anything about it. But after this war is over? You need to do a lot of hard thinking about just how much the Jedi are willing to use you, sending a former child soldier to the front like this."

His face collapsed. "Alpha...you're all child soldiers."

"It's not the same thing and you know that. We weren't just created for this, we were raised for it. And we're fully mature when we get out here, our brains and bodies all the way developed. And we're not alone." Even as an ARC Trooper, trained for solo missions, Alpha-17 was always with someone out here, normally Kenobi.

He'd have to make sure Kenobi was never sent out solo. And more than that, that he wasn't ever sent out without a Vod, because the way the Padawans were being flung around the war, he doubted the Jedi knew the first thing about battlefield trauma. The Vod'e did, were trained in how to deal with it. Thinking about it now, Alpha-17 could see the little hints behind the Jedi facade where Kenobi's had shown through already.

To think he'd given the Jedi the benefit of the doubt on something and they'd turned out to be even worse than he'd thought they could be.

"It was my choice."

Alpha-17 grimaced. He knew how Kenobi (and Skywalker) felt about the Vod'e and they weren't exactly wrong. But he wasn't about to let that be used to excuse what happened, either.

"You were thirteen, you shouldn't have been given that choice. You should have been dragged back to Coruscant and talked down." When Kenobi opened his mouth to protest, Alpha-17 played an unfair card of his own, "Would you have left Skywalker there? In the same situation?"

The stricken look was all the vindication Alpha-17 needed. Kenobi didn't have to say anything, because they both knew he could barely stand to part with his nineteen year old Padawan when they were both on the same planet with all the resources of the Republic war machine at their fingertips.

Kenobi's shoulders slumped, his arms going lax. With a gentle pull on his arms, Alpha-17 brought him into a firm hug. He wished he wasn't in armor, that they were somewhere safe to do this, but he doubted they'd have many opportunities like that during the war.

This was a secret he'd been entrusted with, but not one he could keep. He'd tell the other Alphas, fold this into their plans. Maybe tell it to the rest of the Vod'e that he knew could be trusted with it, destroy their worldview, their hero worship of the Jedi, a little more, and keep them alive just a little bit longer.

#alpha 17 #obi wan kenobi #melida/daan #star wars fic

83 notes · View notes

starwarsfic · 4 years

Text

I.37

Originally posted August 30, 2020

Summary: Kenobi has always been the best of the Jedi generals, Alpha-17 finds out why.

Details: Alpha-17 & Obi-Wan. Hurt/comfort.

xxxxxx

Alpha-17 didn't think much of the Jedi, for all they'd been made for them. He'd had too much instruction directly from Jango Fett to think they'd be worthy of the army they were getting.

Alpha-17 was no coward, but it still took him months to finally ask.

From the look Kenobi gave him, he almost wished he hadn't.

"'In those days'?" Alpha-17 repeated, raising his eyebrows--Kenobi was in his mid-thirties but was talking about the whole situation like it had happened a long time ago.

He took a deep breath, shrugging off his next words like they wouldn't be a punch to Alpha-17's gut. "I was thirteen, at the time."

"Don't look at me like that, I was a Padawan, I'd grown up in the Temple and knew how to fight. Most of the others were younger than me."

"The Jedi just left you there?"

"I had left the Order."

"That shit making you a better general doesn't excuse it, Kenobi," he growled. "There's a middle ground between being kriffing useless at war and being good at it because you were a child soldier."

He must have been a tiny thing, as a child. Even moreso after a few months of war.

His face collapsed. "Alpha...you're all child soldiers."

To think he'd given the Jedi the benefit of the doubt on something and they'd turned out to be even worse than he'd thought they could be.

"It was my choice."

Alpha-17 grimaced. He knew how Kenobi (and Skywalker) felt about the Vod'e and they weren't exactly wrong. But he wasn't about to let that be used to excuse what happened, either.

#character: alpha 17 #character: obi wan kenobi #theme: melida daan #ship: alpha 17 & obi wan #theme: hurt comfort

20 notes · View notes

sohin-ace · 4 years

Text

Jotaro - Nurse

This is cross-posted from Wattpad and available on AO3.

This is one of my oldest fics, so it's pretty wonky and uhh not that well written. But don't worry, fics will get better with time.

Enjoy~

"Here you go. Please call me if the pain doesn't fade away, okay?" You said gently as you put a heating pad over some girl's stomach.

"Aah, thank you Y/N-chan~ I wish you were here everytime I'm on my periods." the girl chuckled tiredly and you only smiled back as you tucked her in with a blanket.

"Huh? Ryunosuke, did you get in trouble again?" You turned around upon hearing someone knocking on the door quietly. It was an odd time to get a patient.

"Aah y-yes um... I-I lost my glasses a-and uh... I haha... I fell down the stairs... I c-can't see anything without m-my glasses... I'm- I'm so sorry to bother you!"

Your very shy classmate stuttered and blushed with embarassment while showing you his numerous bruises and the bump on his head.

"Clumsy as usual." You chuckled a bit. "Sit down, I'll take care of you." You walked off to get some material to treat him as he obliged and thanked you profiusely.

"You're good." You removed the blood pressure cuff from a brunette's arm that was brought to you by her classmates one day. "But please watch out your anemia. We can't have you fainting every time you have P.E. classes, alright?"

"Thank you so much! I-I forgot to eat this morning!" the small girl exclaimed bashfully and you went to give her a chocolate bar.

"Really, Nagamine-senpai..." You scolded another day, as you patched up the upperclassman in front of you. "You should stop getting into fights like that!"

"Yeaaaah I know, but I don't care, if that means I get to see your cute face~ Owowowow!" He teased until you put alcohol in his cuts.

"It would hurt less if you didn't pick fights in the first place." You inquired and he pouted with a little blush.

Those were your daily interactions with other students. In high school you applied for the position of nurse's assistant.

It was something that you had planned for years, as you always knew you wanted to become a doctor someday, and you worked very hard everyday to accomplish this dream of yours.

When the nurse wasn't there, you were assigned the task of helping students as long as nothing major happened. You also had to assist her whenever she needed, and took care of files and other boring administrative papers. Which you didn't mind at all as it was also part of the job.

You would often see familiar faces, and sometimes meet with new students. The overall interactions went well with everyone and people seemed to be happy to have someone their age in the nurse's office.

Especially if they needed to talk about more or less sensitive or personnal things that they weren't comfortable speaking about with an adult.

Among the many faces you would see all too often was the one and only Jotaro Kujo, which was nice since you really liked the stone cold boy. But at the same time, it was worrying since you never want to see someone in a place like the nurse's office on a regular basis.

Jotaro on the other hand, also appreciated your company a lot, even if he never showed it. He liked that calm demeanor you had, your presence was very soothing to him.

To his and your dismay, the nurse's office was the only place where he could see you, since you weren't in the same class and had very different schedules.

Whenever he had to visit the office he found himself secretely hoping he would find you instead of the actual school nurse.

What Jotaro loved about you, even though he would never admit it, is how willing you were to help others selflessly, and how you treated everyone the same way regardless of who they were or why they were in the office in the first place.

It didn't matter if the person was clumsy, or faked it, if they were a bully or the one bullied, you would accept everyone and treat them with the same kindness and speak to them with the same amount of honey in your voice.

You were a naturally charming person who loved her job, and it showed through your work and your behavior towards others.

Everyone who ever visited the nurse's office and saw you could confirm that statement.

The first time Jotaro saw you, he sighed and grumbled, thinking you would start freaking out and screaming at the sight of all the blood on his hands. That you'd be scared of him, thinking he was a violent monster or something.

But nothing of the sort happened. It was quite the opposite in fact, which left the boy feeling very distraught.

One day, as you were sorting out some files, you felt a strong presence silently enter the office. You let the files down to check out who came and it was none other than your secret favourite patient.

"Jojo!" You called out to the boy, already knowing he would be the highlight of your day. "What's wrong?"

He stood there in silence, as he usually does and you took it upon yourself to grab his huge hands gently to guide him towards one of the beds. He let you do as you pleased, as it was custom for both of you by now.

He dismissed this as him being overly leisurely and lazy, but in reality he couldn't deny that he loved the feeling of your soft hands over his own and how cute you looked dragging his towering form around.

You sat him down in the vacant room, and stood in front of him as he looked down blankly at nothing in particular.

You ever-so-gently cupped the side of his face and lifted it carefully, looking softly into his blue eyes. You feathered your hand over his tan skin and checked out for answers in his eyes more than for injuries.

The sharpness in his ocean orbs showed nonchalance and strength, but you knew, you figured he hid a lot of burden and pain. You could just see the melancholy of a silent misunderstood crusader in those eyes.

"Did someone pick a fight with you again? The nerve of some people..." You huffed, your voice dripping with empathy and concern.

You had never put the blame on him. Others would call him violent, a delinquent, or say that he asked for it. But for you, Jotaro was never the problem.

In your eyes, it was always the others who would pick at him, and you can't blame a man for defending himself. You were sure that Jotaro had a kind heart and would never hurt someone first just for the sake of it.

The tall male subconsciously leaned into your touch, your soothing voice and manners melting his heart. But upon realizing that, he removed your hand from him and looked to the side.

As he did, you noticed the rashes and blood on his hands and focused on the task at hand. You knew the guy didn't like to talk much, neither was he very touchy, which was completely fine with you.

You quickly went to take your first aid kit to treat his wounds which, thankfully, he didn't have much of. It seemed like he most definitely came mainly to be with you rather than get treated.

You walked back and forth to get everything you needed, your delicious scent dancing and lingering in the air right next to him.

The male found himself being intoxicated by it. Gosh, even your scent was comforting. He sighed at his own thoughts as you finally came back.

"Give me your hand. This is going to sting a little bit. Squeeze my hand if it hurts too much." you sweetly warned as he put his calloused hand over yours and you started treating his scorched knuckles.

"Yare yare daze... Stop treating me like a child."

You glanced slyly at his grumpy face and giggled softly. "I'll stop treating you like a child when you stop acting like one. Please stop fighting others, even if they started it."

You spoke while rubbing some alcohol on the scrapes and you felt his fingers twitch and curl the slightest bit against yours.

"Why does it matter? It's my damn business, not yours." He spoke with an irritated undertone, like it was obvious science.

You paused what you were doing and he rose a questioning eyebrow at you. Your usual soft expression turned grave before you quietly uttered.

"... I'm worried about you..."

Jotaro sensed the genuine sadness and concern in your airy voice and he spontaneously acted upon a feeling that even he couldn't quite understand.

He grabbed and squeezed both your hands, caging them in his much bigger ones and preventing you from putting any bandages over his now clean knuckles.

"Huh?" Your eyes widened in surprise. "Did I hurt you? I'm sor-"

"Try to get away." He cut you off and you stood there, frozen. How unlikely of him, what was going on?

"Excuse me?"

"Your hands. Try and break free." He bluntly commanded, unbudging.

Now you were just confused. You could never know what was going on inside that head of his, but all this was just so weird and so unusual all of a sudden.

You played along and did as he told you, but in vain. You pulled once, but he didn't budge one bit. You tried again with more force, same results.

You desperately tried to pry your hands off of his steely grip harder and harder, but failed everytime.

"I-I can't, you're too strong!" You said breathlessly, giving up. "What game are you pulling on now Joj-"

"If you think I'm strong, then stop worrying about me." He cut you off again, almost scolding you.

You were baffled for a moment, but soon, your expression shifted from shocked and surprised to endeared.

Ah, yes. It was yet another one of those weird gestures of kindness that were so iconic of him. Just his overly tough way of reassuring you. You understood. It was sweet if anything.

As you were about to comment on the delightful warmth of his hands he beat you to it, as if he read your mind.

"Your hands are cold." He then very slowly released your hands, keeping them warm just a little bit longer before he completely let you go. "Worry about yourself before you worry about others, you stupid nurse."

Your heart was melting at his words. Even though they were aggressively blunt, they were laced with sincerity and you could only be grateful to him.

You put the bandage roll away on the side table and, without even thinking, acting completely on impulse, you leaned in closer to the male.

Before he could register what was happening, you brought one hand to his face in a ghostly light hold, as if you were scared to break him even further than he already was, and kissed his cheek very tenderly, lingering into the slow kiss.

He could hardly keep his eyes open at the quite pleasurable ministrations and embraced your gentle touch. Barely even separating from him, you breathed in the shell of his ear.

"You're so kind Jotaro. Thank you."

He shuddered, his breath becoming shallow and his heart pounding hard in his chest. He tried his best to look unfazed, but his deepening blush betrayed him.

Your honey sweet voice was sending him on edge, the feeling of your soft hair tingling his face, your sugary scent engulfing his entire being, your hot breath against his skin sending shivers down his spine, all of it was heavenly to him.

Overwhelmed by all these intense feelings, he quickly stood up and got ready to leave, startling you in the process.

Picking back up the unused bandage roll you called him out. "Wait! I'm not done!"

"I am." He turned on his heels and left the office, flustered and bothered.

He didn't want to leave so soon, mind you. But he knew that if he stayed any longer, he would do something reckless to you, and he'd rather not risk it. Or at least not yet.

Good thing he knew how to keep his hands to himself. Believe it or not, but Jotaro Kujo was a man of self-control.

You stood there blushing madly while cleaning the little mess you made while healing him, but couldn't think straight. You were smiling and giggling to yourself like a little girl at how bold you just acted and how cute his reaction was.

"Aah... I fell in love with him again..."

That was inspired by another fanfiction where Y/N is the nurse assistant. I loved the idea, but sadly it wasn't exploited enough. Credit to @peachbois for the concept.

#jojo #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #jjba #jotaro x reader #jotaro kujo x reader #Jotaro #Jotaro Kujo #reader insert #x reader #writing #Stardust Crusaders #sdc #Part 3 #Jojo Part 3 #nurse reader

104 notes · View notes

twisted-lies · 3 years

Note

If it is not an issue, could I please get a kin matchup, Kokichi? It'd be nice, yes, but you are not obligated to do that. The sources I would like to have are My Hero Academia and Danganronpa. Any character from any game is great for me. Have a nice day, afternoon, or evening!

My apologies, this has become way too long—

I have a seemingly aloof and absent-minded nature. My tendency is to be silent, and seeing as I also possess an introverted nature, I tend to be deep in thoughts and in my inner self, and stay detached from the others. My intuition is that I rather work better alone than work with a large group. I am more of an spectator; a watcher person, than the person who takes actions.

I may seem level-headed and tolerant, to the point in which even my voice may become monotone and low. You could say I try to be polite, as well. but depending of the situation and its level, my calmness can be lost, leading me to be strongly irritated or melancholic. I almost always have a neutral face, and make a highly effort to hide my own emotions. I'm not very good with emotions and social interactions... My sense of humor may fluctuate between bad and dark, and I make use of irony quite often. I'm more vocal if I'm giving a little suggestion or an opinion. And, of course, I talk a lot when the topic is something about I'm enthusiastic about...

I give little to no caring about what the first impressions I give off to people. However, hearing some of people's sayings, I come off as an inteligent person whose vocalubary is formal. I don't talk nor start a conversation, unless I am spoken. In the past, former colleagues used to label me as “the nerd” of the class. Because of my distracted nature, not paying attention to everything leads me to get things wrong or misinterpreted. I also heard I'm a slow person in many aspects (speaking, texting, thinking, etc). I was also considered to be pretty persistent and stubborn.

My circle of friendship is very limited, but I don't see an issue about that. Despite my distrust, misgivings and suspicions walk together, if I get to know you better and form a bonding, perhaps I am more able to trust you and have more conversations with you.

Possessing the feeling I may also come off as distrusting and misunderstood by the others, evidence is in my hands, I show them the proof or rephrase what I said, in order to give a better understanding and prove that what I was saying was the truth. My belief is that the majority does not get satisfied with only a few verbal statements.

Once again, I apologize for anything, and, I wish you some good luck with your blog, because its content is very good. And congratulations about your 150 followers!

I kin assign you with...

Mukuro Ikusaba

First I thought of Mukuro Ikusaba, Mukuro has more of a silent nature and could easily be introverted. When she thinks it can take a second for her to respond to you, she also tends to stay away from most people and only lets few close to her. She usually tries to be polite as well though it might not always last if you upset her. She also doesn't show her emotions very openly and more so hides them. She can probably have more of a dark humor at times and talk a little more when it's something she's interested in. She probably doesn't care too much about first impressions either. Though she'd probably come of as intelligent and speaks a little more formal than others. Mukuro isn't one to trust easy therefore her friend group may be smaller than most. If someone doesn't quite understand what she's saying or what point she's trying to make she'll most likely rephrase it.

Peko Pekoyama

Secondly I thought of Peko Pekoyama, Peko is more silent than most and could come of introverted unless you know her well enough. She stays away from most people she doesn't trust and will stick to few people she knows well, but she'll give you a chance it just may take a while. She's not one for first impressions either though she'll try to be nice to others. She's also a pretty level-headed person and tries to be polite though it may not always be the case in certain situations. She's also pretty intelligent and can be a little formal at times. She has little friends and sticks to certain people due to being a little distrusting of them I'd think.

Tsumugi Shirogane

Lastly I thought of Tsumugi Shirogane, Tsumugi is usually pretty silent and has an introverted nature to her. She tends to get lost in her thoughts easily and disconnects from other people. She'd most likely rather work alone and watch everyone from the sidelines. She's also pretty good at hiding her emotions though she isn't the best with social interactions. She seems to like to talk more when it's about something she likes to do or finds interesting.

•┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈••✦👑✦••┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈•

Shoto Todoroki

Firstly I thought of Shoto Todoroki, Todoroki is definitely more silent and introverted. He can sometimes be stuck in his thoughts and disconnect from everyone. He's definitely more of a watcher and woukd prefer to do things on his own. He's pretty level-headed with a more monotone voice and tries to be polite though he could loose his temper from time to time. He also doesn't care too much about first impressions though he's pretty intelligent and speaks a little more formally. He also can tend to be a little slower with his response and slightly stubborn. He has a limited friend group due to his distrust of other people and doesn't open up easy regardless.

Kyoka Jirou

Secondly I thought of Kyoka Jirou, Jirou is usually pretty straight forward or level-headed and has more of a monotone look to her, though she can joke around a little like shown with Denki. She's also more quiet or introverted and more of a watcher. She's usually pretty calm unless you push the wrong buttons, which can result in her snapping or being more self conscious. Though she's more friendly towards people she knows and trusts.

Izuku Midoriya

Lastly I thought of Izuku Midoriya, Midoriya is definitely more shy, quiet or introverted. He can also get pretty deep into thought and disconnect from the others or even slightly speak to himself which is only when he realizes when someone points it out. He's also pretty polite and tries to stay calm though sometimes it differs depending on the situation, but he can tend to be a little more melancholic sometimes. He's not very good with his emotions or social interactions though. He also tends to talk a lot more when it's about a subject he likes and he's also pretty intelligent. He can tend to be seen as a nerd though, even if he doesn't pay close attention sometimes.

I hope you're satisfied with your results!

Don't worry I've had way longer before so it's not an issue and thank you!

6 notes · View notes

cupofkey · 4 years

Text

hetalia characters as major arcana! (part 3)

back on my bullshit!! here’s the final part. please feel free to chat with me about these, I would love to hear what you think :)

part 1 part 2

XV The Devil: Belarus.

I love Belarus she is wonderful and a spicy character! the Devil is a really interesting card bc it’s... also spicy lol. it concerns the subconscious, attachments, desires, restrictions, even sexuality/attraction, and I’m sure you can see how that connects to canon Belarus. I find her lack of desire for temporal/spatial awareness really interesting, it definitely has similar Cursed Energy to the Devil and toys with those themes of attachment, along with being something that restricts her. it’s also interesting how she’s interested in the occult since this card tends to have the most occult symbolism in the deck? anyways she definitely has her own demons and her own choices to make (outside of doing whatever makes her feel anything beyond crushing ennui.) [a very interesting card. I’m alright with Russia for this one (he and his sister seem to be the most popular choice by far) but I honestly think it’s very hard to assign to any fictional character. just one of those cards that’s Really out there]

XVI The Tower: Poland.

alright so I gotta say I love this matchup. the Tower is about massive upheaval, turmoil, awakening, and rebuilding, something that’s SO perfect for Poland the “phoenix”. historically and canonically he’s endured so much, especially when it comes to his relationships w other countries, but he’s also extremely resilient. he’s super stubborn and has rebuilt himself time and time again after complete collapse. idk Poland just has SUCH an energy and so much gumption, it’s very in line with the aggressiveness of the Tower? it’s not always a bad card but it’s definitely a very strong one. pulling the Tower (upright or inverted) will ALWAYS mean something big. [another one where I’m not sure the meaning is really understood? I appreciate the Baltics/Finland for this one but other than that idk. I feel it needs a very very strong vibe to make sense, whether it’s in a positive or negative way, and the character needs to have really been dragged through hell and back.]

XVII The Star: Finland.

another fav of mine!! this is such a bright and hopeful card, I always love pulling it in a reading. it’s about openness, hope, rebirth... very good stuff. Finland is another character who’s endured a lot of hardships but has also really grown into himself? it’s quite an optimistic and faithful card which I feel aligns well with Finland’s demeanor and outlook, along with the outcomes of his historical relationship with the rest of the Nordics. the Star comes after the Tower for a reason; it’s the brightest light after the darkest hour, the biggest growth after the worst setbacks... I mean he got annexed and conquered and passed around as an underling, and now hes just vibing, working hard and making weird festivals. king shit [I like a lot of interpretations of this card. any character who embodies hope, renewal, growth... Liechtenstein is another character I really like for this one because of the positive changes in her life!]

XVIII The Moon: S. Italy.

hmm here’s a fun one. the Moon is a very ambiguous card; it’s about illusion, indecision, anxiety, and the in-between, something I think Romano just perfectly shows. he has a lot of internal conflict and issues with parts of himself/his family, along with not being a True Nation. I also feel he has a lot of personal fears and delusions about his role in the world and his history? like his viewpoint on everything is super warped. idk it’s very Duality Of Man. he’s self isolating but craves attention, he’s loudmouthed but cowardly, he just... has a lot going on lol. the Moon is often a sign to reexamine your surroundings and to wait for more clarity, both things that I feel Romano rly needs. [the Moon isn’t exactly 100% mysterious or cryptic, just... more like incredibly anxious and unsure. my other pick is Iceland for similar reasons, and I’m honestly not sure if any other characters really mesh with the card in the way these two do.]

XIX The Sun: Spain.

Spain is the only character people ever choose for the Sun and you know what? yall are absolutely correct. it’s a card that’s very much about exuberance, new energy, positivity, optimism, fun, etc. and its default imagery involves a child. like it’s very much Spain’s energy?? I mean he’s literally sunny, it just makes sense. the Sun is interesting because it can also mean a joy in the face of hardship, which is 1000% Spain in a historical context, and it has a passionate energy that insists My Way Or The Highway (which is SUPER Spain). he literally couldn’t care less, he’s just tryna vibe and enjoy himself ya know? exactly in line with the Sun’s message of pursuing what you want with full energy. [if I had to pick someone else, N. Italy works too, maybe even America, but idk I feel Spain has such good vibes it’s perfect for this. also the Spain/Romano Sun/Moon duality is kind of iconic]

XX Judgment: Sweden.

this is another card where assigning it to a character is a bit tricky, so I’ve chosen Sweden for some reasons I’ll lay out here. firstly, Judgment is a very conceptual card, evoking both the “last judgment” and determination within choice. basically it indicates a decision that’s almost/already been made after doing some self-evaluation? Sweden imo aligns with this because of his steely nature and decisiveness; he sticks to the choices he makes, he believes in them wholeheartedly, and he doesn’t budge or concede (see: the Kalmar Union, his relationship with Finland, his relationship with Denmark.) this gets mixed up with Justice often, but where Justice is about truth Judgment is a blend of intuition and logic. it’s significantly more emotional (which I feel also fits Sweden well, because he’s a pretty emotional guy.) [I usually find myself confused with who people put here lol. honestly I’d say this is one of the most misunderstood major arcana alongside Death? and I honestly don’t know who I’d pick other than Sweden for this... let me know though]

XXI The World: France.

in my opinion this is the “best” card to pull in the deck!! it ties back to the Fool in that it also has elements of enjoying life 100% and celebrating your successes. I feel France has a very celebratory vibe to begin with (celebrating himself and art and all that) and that plus this card’s “old man looking over his accomplishments” energy... idk it just feels very France to me. he’s done so so much historically and he’s old as fuck, and now he’s just leaning back and relaxing and going to museums, enjoying himself and the fruits of his labors. he’s also very worldly (no pun intended) which ties into the World’s themes of travel/knowledge. [I think any character chosen for this card needs to really be “settled down” to mesh with it. for me, other possibilities include Spain and Finland, but I think France embodies both fast-paced successes and a slower acceptance of life very well. and I mean he’s one of the world’s cultural capitals, his influence is massive.]

anyways that was my Hetalia tarot ramble I would love to talk about this more! anyone hmu if you ever want to ask/talk about tarot :)

#hws #aph #hetalia #tarot #hws belarus #hws poland #hws finland #hws romano #hws spain #hws sweden #hws france #analysis time bby #major arcana

17 notes · View notes

sagebodisattva · 4 years

Text

No Time-Space, Only Mind-Space

So recently, some of you may have noticed, that I’ve started to use a certain phrase; a strange new bit of terminology, that I’ve employed more then a couple of times in the past few videos. And this neologistic nomenclature seems to have piqued a little interest among you; leaving those within you wondering, what could this peculiar designation mean exactly? And this uncertainty has undoubtedly left many of you feeling anxious and watchful. Well, have no fear, the Meta Sage is here. The term in question is: “mind-space.” What is a “mind-space”, exactly? And to what, does “mind space”, apply?

The first outside inquest concerning this matter came about a week or so ago, when a commenter by the name of “The Trickster”, mentioned it specifically. Thereafter, the subsequent comment exchange that followed, served as the inspiration for this current video. But, before we delve right into the thick of the matter, I’ll read the transcript of that comment exchange, as it happened; to both, act as a supplementation to this video, and to hopefully, delineate for you, the basic premise of the subject at hand.

So, here’s the transcript:

The Trickster: You are hanging on to an unfalsifiable narrative that reality is just, as you called it, a "mind-space”, and anyone with differing ideas are lost in their own externalizations, or something. Did I get that right?

Meta Sage: More or less. Nice implication, but the “mind-space” is undeniable because it’s already the case before anyone can think about it. It’s the “space-time” theory that’s a conceptualization, and needs all kinds of explanations and narrative to support it.

The Trickster: Ergo, the mind-space theory is ultimately an unfalsifiable concept you choose to believe. As it can't be properly substantiated or debunked. See, I like you, Meta Sage. I don't dislike the ideas you put forth. But only a sheep refuses to question a particular narrative. And I also like poking holes in a narrative. “Space-time”, on the other hand, can be tested, debated, analyzed without an absolute perception.

Meta Sage: You have the whole thing mixed up, which I noticed last week when we were talking in the comments on the other video. You glossed over what I just said and reaffirmed a falsehood. To move forward, you have to break free from this obstacle; and you can do this more easily by throwing out the old model of reality. Case in point: If we take two people, wipe their minds clean of all memory, then put them together in a room to discuss reality, the “mind-space” is already the foundation of everything, before even one word can be spoken. The context of existence is undeniable, and this is a reality before any debates, tests or analyzations take place. The “space-time”, on the other hand, cannot even be discussed without first learning a whole bunch of things that one then has to assume as reality. There’s a slight difference. You have to be able to discern between reality and abstractions.

The Trickster: Yeah. I won't write a long response. Rather, I'll ask this, why do you assume the idea of a “mind-space” is inherently present in the minds of said individuals you mentioned in your example? If you propose life is a dream, most without some sort of philosophical capacity would just miss the meaning of such an idea. While time itself is experienced by everyone regardless if its an illusory and misunderstood aspect of reality. Most know time is the measurement of events in existence. A mental construct? Yeah. To some extent. But the “mind-space” idea is an abstraction by its very nature. An unfalsifiable idea which only needs one to believe, and no argument posed to it can truly debunk or pick it apart. Just because the mind serves as a useful interface for interacting with and perceiving the world it doesn't automatically mean the mind creates reality. Yes, we are experiencing something. But let's not jump to conclusions. But look, I won't claim to know everything. If I've got things mixed up feel free to correct me.

Meta Sage: Thanks for keeping that so short. Thing is, I don't have to assume an idea of awareness. Awareness is already the foundation. Or, said another way, because there is awareness, abstract aspects like "ideas, concepts and theories", about a so-called "existence", can be formulated. Now keep in mind, when I speak of awareness, I'm not trying to assign it an identity. It's not a consideration of a "me" or "them", when it comes to awareness. There's no "people" existing to experience something, nor any "world", and it certainly isn't a human's mind that is creating anything. Identities are part of the dream. None of this phenomena is your true identity. So the idea is to be able to discern between awareness, abstractions, and dream phenomena. Conflating these aspects is where the confusion arises. It's the context within the field of dream phenomena, that I call the “mind-space”, and this is to clarify the fact that it isn't a physical location. "Physical locations" are ideas formulated about a purely mental phenomena. As is "time" also. These are all just ideas about illusion. Only awareness is reality.

So, that was the exchange. And so now, I’d like to expand a bit more on the subject, and really try to make things nice and sparkling clear. In a sense, this particular teaching could be considered one of the core foundational principles of Pure Potentialism. If one can manage to grasp this essential teaching, much of everything else will fall into place a lot more easily. Simply put, one of the core principles of Pure Potentialism is that the context of experiential reality is the mind, not physical locality. This is what is meant by “mind-space.” The apparent “space” that things seem to occupy, is made out of pure mind, not made out of objective materiality.

Sounds easy enough, but it’s actually rather difficult to realize; as the idea of materiality is ingrained deeply into people’s minds unconsciously, so maintaining crystal clear clarity will be a very strenuous mental effort to undertake; and, to top that off, people don’t find any ego gratification in this, thus, are generally dissatisfied with the cold stark truth, and, ultimately, will deeply yearn to find some other kind of narrative; one that provides an explanation that places a great deal more importance on their ego’s supposed existence. That’s what matters most to the average man. His precious self image. His dandy pride. His lofty self importance. It’s really quite rather disgusting actually. So it’s an uphill battle the entire way. Thus, the way to start to make some tracks towards clarity, is found in the lucid discernment between awareness, abstractions and dream phenomena.

This is the stumbling block that The Trickster got snagged on. He got SNAGGED on it. The Trickster can’t tell the difference between awareness, dream phenomena and abstractions. He wrongly conflates them, then argues his points premised on this falsehood. So, I’d like to break this right down for you, which will hopefully lend some much needed cohesion to the matter.

1. Awareness. What is awareness? Awareness is the absolute base, and allows all else to be possible. It’s the original face, and the undermost real true identity, despite having no physical embodiment, or manifest qualities. What will we find to be the case, after every single falsehood is stripped away? After peeling back all the thoughts, the identifications with a self, the objects around you, the entire world; only this, is what remains. Awareness. And so now that there is awareness, there can be some “thing”, to be aware of. Or, “something can be imagined to be the case”, to be more exact. Now that there is awareness, awareness can be aware of imagination. And the imagination isn’t a thing. It isn’t located anywhere. Indeed, the imagination itself could be said to be imaginary. Hence, said another way, awareness can dream. And since awareness can dream, there can now be an aspect called existential reality. This is what awareness does. It imagines existential realities, with varying degrees of fleeting qualities. And this brings us to the next factor: dream phenomena.

2. Dream phenomena. What is dream phenomena? Dream phenomena is an illusion. It’s what the imagination of awareness imagines into being. There are no limits as to the possible variations the illusion can be imagined to take. And the context of any such imagined illusory variation, is what I refer to as the “mind-space.” The “mind-space” are the borders that hold together a particular illusion. Wherein, consciousness can now find it’s ground, and quickly begin to establish identifications that will bring it self affirming fortification. If this consciousness ever manages to become refined, it will perhaps recognize itself in it’s own reflection, and suddenly become self aware. And once self aware, there can now be these aspects called thoughts, ideas, beliefs, concepts, theories, and knowledge. Now a consciousness can philosophize about it’s own supposed “existence”, and make speculations about who, what, when, where, why, and how, this is. Which, brings us to the next factor: abstractions.

3. Abstractions. What are abstractions? Abstractions are the intellectual activity of a consciousness. The constant yammering of the inner voice. The ongoing internal narrative we tell ourselves is the storyline of our supposed existence. The purely intellectual deductions, and hence purely intellectual conclusions, that we THINK; and then go on to call that a reality. This is where things get murky, and then awareness, dream phenomena and abstractions become a muddled amalgamation of confusion; where now, one will have a hard time telling the difference between the concept and the object of reality, and may even mix them up entirely. This is exactly how the truth of the “mind-space” became forgotten, and how we now think we live in this idea of a “time-space” context; and went on even further to suggest that, the one and only true sure thing, the “mind-space”, is just a belief, and that the “time-space” idea, is actually the true default reality. Enter The Trickster.

So now you can see some of the reasons how and why this whole thing became so deeply convoluted. If the only things you think to question are only staged on a foundation of materialism, and inquiry into the intro-spectrum is something that never occurs to you as important, you are a pretty lame example of a skeptic. The Trickster makes the assertion that only a sheep doesn’t question a particular narrative, yet, oddly enough, doesn’t think to question the narrative of his own materialistic belief system. Apparently, he accepts as an unquestionable given that “time-space”, the normative mainstream belief system that has the general consensus of the shepherd’s flock, is a fundamental truth. And that’s truly rich. But, overlooking that for the moment, let’s move on to address one of the central themes of his argument: that the “mind-space”, is unfalsifiable; and cannot be properly substantiated or debunked.

Well, as far as being “substantiated”, is concerned, everything I’ve said thus far should leave no doubt as to why this isn’t that hard to flesh out. It’s only your over-thinking process that makes it extraordinarily over-complicated. Awareness is the fundamental truth. This might be about the only thing one can say to be, “self evident.” Without awareness, you cannot cast doubt, or weigh evidence, in the first place. Without awareness, you cannot even begin to make substantiations. So, if you actually have consciousness, and are not just a mindless zombie, then your consciousness is substantiated just by being conscious. What other evidence would you require that you are conscious, other than being conscious?

And as for debunking; what the hell would you hope to debunk anyway, your own consciousness? That seems a bit counter intuitive; and this is what makes me think that you’re just playing the usual little bullshit games of a delusion whore. Stop it. You have an absolute foundation that establishes a proper setting for investigative inquiry, and you wish to lessen it through doubt, or minimize it to some secondary status behind inanimate matter, for what purpose exactly? Or, as he so eloquently put it, “it’s a useful interface for interacting with the world.” The “world”, he comfortably assumes; but what gives context to his entire existence, he harbors reservations. And by the way, no one ever said that the “mind-space” creates reality, so it’s actually YOU who jumped to those conclusions. As previously stated, awareness dreams of a “mind-space”, and the context within that “mind-space”, is what you are wrongly calling an objective world. The “mind-space” is not a useful tool for interfacing with a world, no. There is no world. The “mind-space” is the composition of reality itself.

And if I need to go over the fallacy of the whole time delusion again, then you probably haven’t been paying attention. I’ve already deconstructed the idea of space, and much the same will apply to the concept of time. Yes, the idea of time is only an abstraction. The patterns you see in nature do not represent time. One rotation of a planet around a star is not indicative of any objective factor operating in the universe. There is no universe. Time is a completely fabricated ‘relative-to-a-subject’ tool, and nothing more. And it doesn’t matter that you can test it, debate it, or analyze it, without an absolute perception, (whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean), it doesn’t change the fact that time itself doesn’t exist independently to the factor that is giving time significance. So assuming the concept of time as some kind of fundamental groundwork of reality is a big problem. There’s no problem, on the other hand, with the truth of the “mind-space” reality. The only problem here, is your over-thinking intellectualism. An over-thinking intellectualism that likes to over-think so much, it now believes it’s ideas are reality, and that the actual reality is an idea. Nice!

And when it comes to “falsification”, that whole idea is largely stupid. Why would you make the criteria for a phenomena to be considered scientifically, a prerequisite of having certain conditions where the phenomena can be shown to be false? Does that seem to be reasonable? If that’s the case, then gravity is unfalsifiable, as it can be tested ad nauseam, and never be shown to be false; and yet gravity remains an accepted truth within the scientific community. And, on the flip side of that coin, astrology can definitely be shown to be false. So that suddenly makes it legitimate, and now qualified as eligible to be considered scientifically? What the fuck? Something’s definitely not quite right with that line of reasoning. And that’s why the idea of falsifiability is an impotent repellent against the truth. Maybe this qualifier was concocted as a ward against a god theory, but other then that, it accomplishes very little else. Again, why would you need to falsify your own consciousness? Why, other then to create distractions in an attempt to preserve your delusion; which, only causes confusion and delays.

Awareness is the absolute truth, and no, you cannot falsify the truth, under any circumstances; otherwise it isn’t the truth. The truth is the truth, and falsehood is falsehood. That’s why truth and falsehood have two separate distinctions, instead of being considered as the same distinction. Truths are never conditionally false. The truth is always the truth. Only a falsehood has the potential to be considered as conditionally true; and that’s due to the designs of illusion; but, that’s not why we’re here today.

Why is awareness the undeniable default axiom of existence? Because it’s the foundation of everything, whatever you want to call that. Whether you wanna say it’s the foundation of being, of consciousness, of physics, of material universe, of existence, or of whatever else you can come up with, matters not. The context is awareness. And that’s why it’s the ONLY sure thing. It’s not that there’s an idea of a “mind-space” inherently within you, but rather, that “mind-space” is the inherent groundwork for consciousness. Understand, this is not just a conceptual theory. It’s already the case before the development of intelligence. You don’t look outwards for it. You are already it. And you were already it, before the expansion into advanced philosophical thinking. No, it’s not god. No, it’s not materiality. Those are all prime examples of making outward attributions; what I like to refer to as, externalizations. Stop wallowing in the confines of mental slavery. You are beyond anything found within the “mind-space.” You are pure potentiality itself.

#mind-space #time-space #philosophy #metaphysics #awareness #dreams #abstractions

8 notes · View notes