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onthevirgeofdestruction · 6 months

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The Weight of Being a "Good Friend"

@tss-anxceit-week Day 3: Trust & Betrayal Canonverse 2,535 Words

Logan appeared in Virgil’s room with his arms folded behind his back, looking at Virgil pointedly. Virgil tensed and paused chewing on his nails to look at him, jumping off the top of his couch to greet him. After a shared quizzical expression, Logan cleared his throat.

“Yeah? What is it?” Virgil demanded, not bothering with politeness or disguising the fatigue in his voice.

Logan nodded to the couch and Virgil stepped back to let Logan in, who went to go sit on the couch. Virgil shut the door quietly and went to go lean on the wall near him, swallowing heavily and looking down to the ground.

“Virgil, you know I do not handle emotional aspects, but I have been... concerned about your behaviour lately. You seem to always be tired, and you haven’t been talking to Thomas, either. It’s obvious that something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” Logan said quietly, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

"I’m fine, Logan.” Virgil glanced up at Logan through his bangs, who’s face remained apprehensive. “Yeah, you don’t believe that. Well, whatever. I’m not talking about it. Everybody will think I’m blowing things out of proportion.” Virgil shook his head, stuffing his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“I promise I will not. Virgil, I need to know what’s going on. This does not seem sustainable,” Logan pleaded emphatically, gripping at his knees.

Virgil hesitated, examining Logan’s face for a moment. His brow was furrowed, and he worried his lip with his teeth for a second before noticing and stopping. “I’ll think about it,” Virgil offered instead. Logan watched Virgil a little longer before nodding in agreement. “Get back to your busy schedule. I’m going to bed.” He stood up straight from off the wall, and Logan looked at him in surprise for a second before getting off the couch. It wasn’t that late, but the expanded dark patches under his eyes and unusually pale color of his skin said that he needed the rest. Virgil watched him closely as he moved, his eyes tracking Logan with a weak wave as he lowered out of the room.

Logan hummed curiously and walked down the stairs and to the kitchen table, depositing himself on a chair. Roman and Patton were situated on the couch, watching TV along with Thomas quietly. It seemed like an average evening. Logan summoned his planner and reviewed the schedule, like he often did in the evenings, but he struggled with focusing. He glanced up at the stairs once more and sighed. Anxiety was still clearly very present in Thomas’s life, but Virgil not communicating about his issue was a problem.

The way Patton also worried his lip when he thought no one was looking made the inefficacy more apparent. Logan was frustrated by missing information and left feeling restless when there were unresolved problems. He took a deep breath and put his head down on the table, pushing the schedule aside.

“What’s got ya down, kiddo?” Patton asked, leaning in near Logan. Logan jumped slightly in surprise, not realizing Patton had gotten so close.

“I am simply tired, Patton. I think it would be wise to turn in early tonight,” Logan stated, sitting up at the table and adjusting his tie. “I’d like to set an alarm so that Thomas doesn’t stay up late on his phone again,” he added, projecting slightly louder for Roman to hear.

“What if the next post is the right inspiration he needs for something new?” Roman pipped up, looking more interested in the television than the conversation.

“He can find it tomorrow. He will not have the time or the energy to do anything with the inspiration tonight. He could perhaps even miss the post that might be inspiring in his exhaustion,” Logan pointed out the obvious flaw in his logic.

“Last time we tried that, Thomas just turned off the alarm and kept scrolling.” Patton pulled out a dining chair and joined Logan at the table.

“If we come to an accord and agree to not do that tonight, it should not be an issue again,” Logan asserted, pulling the schedule back up to him to return to examining.

“That sounds fair,” Patton said, nodding sagely and holding his chin. “Roman?” He called out to confirm.

“Fine. I guess.” Roman agreed as well, though clearly very reluctantly. Logan let out a small breath of relief and let Thomas know to set a ‘doom-scroll’ alarm for later. Logan glanced over to Virgil’s door again, wondering if Virgil was already asleep.

“Are you wondering if Virge is gonna join us tonight?” Patton asked, folding one arm on the table and propping up his head with the other.

“No, Virgil stated that he was going to bed earlier.” Logan shook his head and flipped the page on his planner, making sure the things that were missed today were recorded to do tomorrow.

“Oh! Now, that’s surprising from my spooky son. Last month, I caught him sitting under the kitchen table watching conspiracy theories on his phone at two in the morning while I was trying to figure out why Thomas couldn’t fall asleep,” Patton explained with a slight fond chuckle.

“Indeed,” Logan hummed. “I doubt that will be a problem tonight. He appeared to be incredibly exhausted when he told me he was going to bed.” He summoned a pencil to adjust the time on something scheduled for tomorrow that did not seem like it had enough of a time cushion.

“He really hasn’t been around much,” Patton mused, throwing a glance at the stairs and sounding melancholy.

“It has been quite quiet,” Roman stated, shifting on the living room floor as he kept watching television.

“Those are both accurate summations,” Logan validated both their points distractedly.

“Are you worried about Virgil?” Patton asked kindly, looking at Logan with a soft expression.

“I am always concerned with productivity. Thomas is very hard to work with when he keeps falling prey to distractions.” Logan rubbed his face, knocking at his glasses briefly before adjusting them back into position.

“I think he’s easier to work with,” Roman muttered under his breath.

“We have very different jobs, Roman, and I know you are also frustrated by the current state of Thomas’s hair,” Logan reminded him passively.

“Ugh, we better not get any visitors or video calls,” Roman groaned.

“We’re just home alone watching TV, you two, there’s no harm in messy hair,” Patton chided, tapping the table.

“I am aware, Patton, but it is better to be presentable as a form of preparedness rather than letting healthy self-care habits slide. Thomas’s appearance is important to him, and that changing suddenly is an indicator of an issue,” Logan reminded them, adjusting his glasses. Logan looked up from planner and over to Thomas, who wasn’t even watching TV and on his phone again, already doom-scrolling. Logan groaned, closing up the planner and sending it off, standing up from the couch.

“What’s up, teach?” Roman asked, distracted by looking over Thomas’ shoulder to see the phone.

“I don’t believe anything productive is happening tonight,” Logan replied shortly. “Thomas, set an alarm to get ready for bed on your phone,” he told Thomas loudly enough to not be ignored, and Thomas blinked a few times, looking at Logan before switching to the alarm app and setting one for nine PM. “You’ll ignore that one, it is too early. Set an alarm for 11:30 PM and take it seriously when it goes off,” Logan insisted firmly. Roman rolled his eyes, letting out a little huff and Thomas just looked at Logan oddly. “Thomas.”

“Fine, okay, got it,” Thomas replied, setting the alarm where requested. He didn’t seem concerned about not getting enough sleep in the slightest, despite even Virgil valuing that by going to bed early. If Virgil did go to bed, at all. Logan technically couldn’t confirm. The alarm was set, so other than checking in at 11:30, Logan wasn’t needed here for doom-scrolling, so he left to his room to review the memories for the day to make sure the important ones were stored correctly.

———

Virgil paced the room helplessly, long since having given up on trying to sleep. He felt so damn exhausted all the time, but the sleep just wouldn’t come. He was completely on edge, racing thoughts of things that could happen and how terribly things were going plagued every corner of his mind. Checking in on Thomas revealed he was still doom-scrolling, with Patton making quiet awkward stammering noises and looking at the clock. Virgil Let out a heavy sigh and tugged at the zipper on his hoodie sleeve, pulling it up and down while he walked.

“Not that your little failure of a lie earlier wasn’t amusing, Virgil, but if you’re going to go out of your way to fib, shouldn’t you do something more fun than pacing about like a caged animal?” Janus asked in a silky smooth voice, and Virgil jumped, turning to see Janus sitting on the couch with his legs crossed and leaning his chin on an arm resting on his knee.

“Get out of here!” Virgil shot, motioning away.

“Really, you should work on your subterfuge. Dreadful stuff,” Janus teased, grinning at Virgil like a shark would at his dinner.

“I didn’t mean to lie about going to bed, I just couldn’t get to sleep!” Virgil protested, hunching over and glaring at Janus. “Seriously, what are you doing here?” Virgil demanded shortly.

“I was talking about that little squeaky ‘I’m fine’ you tried, but that one was also truly heinous,” Janus replied with the bite of snark.

“Hey, I didn’t squeak!” Virgil clenched his fists as he glowered at Janus.

“Po-tay-to, Po-tot-to,” Janus hummed, drumming his fingers on his chin. “Now, what are you doing trying to lie when it is my thing and clearly not your forté?” He asked with a smug purr in his voice.

Virgil stared at Janus incredulously for a moment, but the expression never faltered, keeping his cool confidence despite the confused stare. “It’s—It’s you, Janus!”

“Yes, lord of the lies, at your service,” Janus said.

“No, I mean, you’re causing this!” Virgil hissed, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and returning to pacing.

“If it was me, I would have lied impeccably, thank you very much,” Janus refuted, sitting up and folding his hands on his lap.

“I hate not bringing it up, and I hate trying to be a ‘good friend’,” Virgil muttered, kicking his sneaker as he turned around during his endless march.

“Of course you do. Terrible thing, really. Now, for the spider’s benefit, seeing as I fully understand, can you explain exactly about what?” Janus asked airily, twisting his gloved hand a little in the air.

Virgil rolled his eyes and huffed. “Elliot’s new boyfriend, Mitchell. He’s awful. And I know Elliot asked us to let them figure it out themselves. And I know we agreed. But it’s killing me to think about what’s going on behind closed doors if that’s how he acts in public,” he explained bitterly.

Janus froze and blinked, then facetiously coughed a few times to hide his surprise. “Virgil, you know that has nothing to do with us, along with the rest of these things you’re so positive about? He could be just the same, or better. Why are you assuming it’s terrible? And why are you acting like it’s our job to fix it when Elliot is their own person?”

“They’re our friend, and we don’t want them hurt, doy!” Virgil smacked himself in the temple with his fist and made a face.

“You can’t save people from being hurt. It’s just an unfortunate part of life,” Janus replied flatly, his face setting seriously.

“Well, maybe it freaking sucks! Maybe it’s normal to be worried about your friends. Why don’t you look past yourself for one freaking second and see how bad this situation is,” Virgil said angrily, his speed picking up as he walked back and forth.

“Not like this, you’re blowing things out of proportion,” Janus replied, his voice faltering.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell anyone! You’re always telling me I’m overreacting, but eventually I’m not going to be, and Elliot could be the one suffering for it!” Virgil threw his arms in the air and scuffed his shoe on the carpet.

“Virgil. Stop,” Janus said, and Virgil paused to look at him. Janus patted the spot on the couch next to him, and Virgil stomped over to drop onto the couch, just to make it clear he wasn’t fighting for the sake of fighting. “Sometimes, in life, we have to watch our friends and loved ones suffer. Even though we knew there was a better way. Or a compromise. Because they want to be the ones to make their own mistakes. Elliot asked us to drop it, so we did. We can bring it up again if—”

“When,” Virgil insisted.

“If we see it again. And suggest healthier boundaries, because we don’t want to see them hurt. But I’m afraid it’s Elliot’s life and ultimately Elliot’s choice. And no amount of panic or anger will change that. We simply can’t spend all of our time and energy on trying to change something we have no say in. Thomas is sitting out there doom-scrolling because he’s burnt out, even though he already knows that no amount of Twitter will quiet the duke’s suggestions. You know what to do in these situations already. Now look at me and tell me what we’re going to do,” Janus insisted firmly.

“It’s called ‘X’ now,” Virgil said in annoyance, but Janus only glared at him with thinly pressed lips. “Take a deep breath. Tell myself that this is something I can’t change. Try to adapt. Focus on moving forward,” Virgil recited in defeat.

“Right. And we don’t have to keep silent. Nor do we have to stay friends with Elliot, either, if this keeps hurting us. But we should still respect Elliot’s wishes and assume they can handle themselves. They have done so for all the years before we met them. But it’s still their job to speak up in their relationship if they’re unhappy. If we butt in and try to fix things for them, the odds are good it’ll do nothing but breed resentment. We have to live our life and Elliot has to live theirs,” Janus said reassuringly, melting the bitterness from Virgil’s face. Virgil took a deep breath and nodded, letting out the air as a tired sigh. “Is there anything else I need to intelligently and humbly point out before you kick me out of your room?” Janus teased.

Virgil looked up at him, reaching for the capelet with a small tug. “Stay?” Janus wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder, and he leaned in, still holding on to the fabric. They sat there in comfortable silence as Virgil’s breathing evened out and the light in the living room went out when Thomas switched it off. “Tell anyone this happened, and I’ll kill you,” Virgil whispered silently.

“I’ll alert the presses,” Janus scoffed, rubbing Virgil’s shoulder.

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waitmyturtles · 7 months

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Absolute Zero, episode 1 RANDOM THOUGHTS (more like FEELS and SQUEALS and HAPPY PIPS, here we go):

1) New Siwaj's latest prestige BL. Man, we've had some dips from him lately. I FAST-fast-forwarded through Between Us to get to the DeanPharm bits, and listen, I shoulda just listened to my friends (insert the Bugs Bunny "NO" gif here). And I have a pathetic love for Double Savage, a show that New Siwaj screenwrote and that aired earlier this year, for its POTENTIAL to tell an intergenerational familial trauma story headed by OhmPerth, but lord, it was a mess. At the same time, I have been impaled with a thirsty obsession over my watch and rewatch of New's Until We Meet Again, so with New going high for this latest show -- I have BIG expectations.

2) @bengiyo and @twig-tea (here and here) covered a TON of what I am thinking (and apologies to friends if you wrote AZ things yesterday and I missed them -- like @bengiyo, I would love to be tagged in your meta to track thoughts on this show!) (I think @troubled-mind is getting into this one, maybe we already have a little AZ squad going!). Further apologies and big ups to Ben and Twig if I repeat anything you say! Which I will, right now, repeating Ben's words:

3) FUCK if I didn't feel some nostalgia hearing Boy Sompob's voice again. I really do feel like this means that New is THROWING. DOWN. The music in this show is already fantastic. The music was SO IMPORTANT to the storytelling in UWMA, and I'm glad we're leading with it again here.

4) I am VERY PLEASED to see Mix Wanut (young Suansoon) holding down as a lead. We didn't see him too much as Don in UWMA, but: I thought his timing and comedy was particularly notable in UWMA (when Don was able to lighten up a bit near Dean, I thought it was really great).

5) Speaking of the actors. I'd like everyone to know (poor @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan have already heard me yelp on this). Teng Kanist, who plays the older Suansoon. He was fabulous as Nat in Gay OK Bangkok. Nat was a contradictory character, but let me be honest -- I felt a little symp for Nat because I like Teng's face. I admit it, I'm weak and transparent for dudes.

BUT: we all need to know that Teng Kanist IS ALSO A REAL-LIFE PASTRY CHEF who also GOES TO THE GYM. Therefore, we have a perfect man (for me lol) in our midst. Just need everyone to know! Croissants and abs and sets. SOLD!

6) Ahem, where was I. As an #old, seeing middle-aged dudes in a drama is what I need. I like that Absolute Zero is going to do this for us: to juxtapose the expected BL school scenes with two real adults in real adult settings. I love this. And I love that I know we are going to get more elders next week in What Did You Eat Yesterday?, and elder-ishes very soon in Cherry Magic Thailand and Cooking Crush. We need to age-diversify this field, and New is leading this season.

7) I love how fast we needed to get to young Suansoon and young Ongsa getting together. From the MDL description of the show, it looks like Absolute Zero may have a similar structure to UWMA. UWMA was like a three-part series: the first part being Dean and Pharm getting together; the second being their discovering their spiritual pasts through their shared inherited memories and meeting their families; and the third being the conclusion with their resolving Korn and Intouch's forced separation at death.

If Absolute Zero follows a similar structure in a shorter episode span (right now, MDL shows AZ having 12 episodes, as compared to UWMA's 17 episodes), then I understand AZ needing to be a bit chop-chop about the romance. But I felt that this episode was still perfectly paced, and yes -- dropping the faen in the first episode could seem a touch fast, but I felt that we had convincingly spent intentional time with Suansoon's loneliness to understand why he would have said yes to Ongsa. (And, anyway -- of course, we needed to know that they got together, because we time-jumped to their loving adult relationship.)

And I loved young Ongsa's approach. A guy looking and chasing after his crush. The romance of buying tickets to a movie, hoping the guy he likes will show up. Giving Suansoon a birthday bracelet at the movie. Holding Suansoon's hand and asking him the big question.

Man.... ahhhh. What I loved about that bracelet scene is that -- the gift of that bracelet did a lot of the communicating from Ongsa to Suansoon without words. Suansoon was clearly touched and moved. The loss of his parents shakes him, but he clearly got a lovely moment of connection from that gift. Mix acted that part beautifully.

8) The Love of Siam. What can I fucking say. I haven't seen My Only 12%, where I know New makes another significant reference to LoS there. But, just. I'm very glad @bengiyo insisted on LoS being the start of the Old GMMTV Challenge, in part because of the references to LoS in other Thai BLs over the course of the genre's short history, but also -- the tragedy of that movie communicates SO MUCH when it is present as a reference in another piece. Just like the bracelet communicates so much by way of love. I love that we got to see the pre-ending credits quote. I love that New's communicating to us through this brilliant movie.

I am sure I can find more to gush on, but let me stop here, because this got longer than I expected. I can't manage a full load of dramas, so I'll likely be dropping my thirst-watch of Dangerous Romance to accommodate AZ and WDYEY. Just like I am praying for Tee Bundit to not drop the ball on I Feel You Linger in the Air -- let us hope New can also keep the juggle up on AZ. He started this out STRONG. I HAVE HIGH HOPES.

#absolute zero #absolute zero the series #new siwaj #tor supakorn #mix wanut #teng kanist #toey puwanat #suansoon x ongsa #ongsa x suansoon #that'll probably get shortened to soon right #we will see #absolute zero meta

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whentherewerebicycles · 10 months

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today is my first full non-workday alone in over three weeks and I give myself full permission to savor it without any guilt or sense of obligation to anyone. here are some things I’d like to do:

read the last 40 pages of ninth house

get a decent ways into nona the ninth so I don’t interrupt my novel-reading rhythm. I might take my hammock somewhere to read later tbd as I find that putting my phone out of reach and having dedicated hammock time is a good way to jumpstart the next book

last night I started messing around with an old WIP that I meant to finish for a fest last summer but didn’t, which I still think has some interesting stuff in it (not to mention about 20k of existing draft material to work with). I can’t tell if I’m intrigued enough by it to start the revision process but I do notice that every time I open the draft doc I end up adding to it, so idk. I also have this other purely self-indulgent fantasy AU that has just been a fun world to play in for the last couple weeks when I needed a distraction, so I might tinker around with that a bit more too. so maybe I’ll sit out on the deck at some point with my laptop and play play play for a bit

I want to cook something, probably while on the phone with liz… she sent me a cookbook recently that I liked a lot and I want to try a few of the small plates recipes from it either today or tomorrow

on a related note I want to sit down and do some journaling about the next steps in my learning to cook journey. I’m at the point where I feel confident in my ability to execute easy to moderately complex recipes well & with consistent results—ie if I make the same dish multiple times it’ll taste reasonably good the first time, better the second time when I incorporate the modifications I came up with, and pretty consistently good every time I make it after that. I also feel like once I read a recipe all the way through I don’t need to consult it very often during the cooking process because I’m less focused on what’s on the page and am instead tasting and testing and monitoring what’s happening with the food & adjusting accordingly. but I would really like to become the kind of cook who can look at the ingredients at hand & prepare a meal without a recipe or with only the loose outlines of a recipe based on my understanding of how things fit together and what the components of a good meal are. and I think in order to level up in that way I will really have to sit down and start designing some structured learning challenges for myself, and I’ll also need to build in lots of metacognitive writing along the way to make sure I’m consolidating what I’m learning and applying it to future situations. anyway this is the kind of self-teaching/learning design work I love and I am excited to spend some time thinking about it this weekend.

nice long walk with the dogs… maybe on the off leash trail in the “weekend woods” aka the nearby trail system I for some reason only visit on weekends even though it’s like a 3 min drive from my house lol. Pip will love that

that’s it today is just a day of rest and play!!

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weaseldogs · 1 year

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We went to a schutzhund trial the other weekend and had a weird scare with Pippin. There were quite a few people there, and someone wrapped in blankets and other loose clothing really spooked her. Then, she spooked at someone else who was bending down. She barked and lunged at the leash, something she has NEVER done to a person before. It was a hard day. I was super depressed about it. Socializing is something that Pippin and I have always struggled with and I am constantly at war with. I did extensive socializing with her as a baby. Some was pretty easy like going to dog trials and things like that. We had a harder time doing one on one socializing because covid was still a thing so it was hard to approach people or expect them to. It was hard to balance the I-need-to-socialize-my-dog with I-need-to-keep-myself-and-everyone-safe. So we did some but definitely not enough due to this. She struggles with one on one interactions. They make her unsure and that is where all of her anxiety comes from, so she reacts. Usually it is a bark or a low growl. But the lunge that day was new and I felt like a failure.

So we are focusing on that again, just as ever. I think genetically she is just predisposed to not want to be around new people. After introductions and exposure she is fine with a person and treats them with as much love as she does me. And then, the unsureness and unpredictability is what makes her nervous. She doesn't want to be stared at and feels it is too personal until she "knows" someone.

Maybe a bit romanticizing her behavior but, yes, she struggles with people. But wow, the lunging. That was new.

Luckily we have done some socializing this week and it has gone well. We have stood outside of store entrances, practicing walking past people and having people walk past us. We went to a dog show and had a good interaction with a lady who came up and talked to us about her but didn't look at her or interact with her after we told her she was shy. Pippin does better in those interactions where she can approach, give a few sniffs, then walk away. Her father when I met him was much like that though he was not scared of me, just disinterested and aloof. Pippin has that fear. Hopefully with more socialization we can get past that. My goal is just her feeling aloof and relaxed. I don't expect a golden retriever or for her to be happy about a person being there. Calm and content.

Anyway, at the dog show, she was really good. Excited and barked a bit by the FastCAT booth but it's understandable. Barked at some dogs here (maybe 2 or 3 total) and there but only once or twice. Again, out of being unsure with the situation. We sat inside the show for a while and she laid down then eventually curled into a ball (success). It was a good distance to the dogs but still where she could see and hear them. One looked at her which is one of the ones that set her off. Socializing be like :')

Outside of the socializing aspect, Pippin is doing great in agility. That has really been my only focus although I want to get her involved in some NASDA trials. Pippin has zero fears of any of the equipment. Trying to get her to understand that she is meant to go INTO the tunnel and not CLIMB ON IT. I reward a lot for jumping on things so I guess I can't blame her for the confusion. She loves the agility field and had some zoomies in our class. We chained a set of obstacles probably more than she could handle so it's to be understandable. I finished my classes so I can rent their field and I will probably start doing that and working on what I want in the field then taking their handling classes as I need to since they're drop in. I'm not sure how long it will be till I feel comfortable to compete with her. Hopefully we will one day but even if we don't I'm happy to continue this as a hobby fun for Pips.

#pippin #mudi #dog training

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okpow · 2 years

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NFL Weekly Picks Against the Las Vegas Spread Week 5 2022

(above: RIP FootballLocks.com)

I used to get weekly betting info from Football Locks dot com and it was presented in one easy screenshot but now that site is gone for some reason and compiling this info is a whip. Harsh times.

Giants vs. Packers from jolly ol’ pip pip right-oh cherio London - Packers by 8!

This is a giant line and the Giants are a giant pile of shit with practice squad tier receivers and every east coast sports writers secret lover - Saquon Barkley. Meanwhile the Packers are maybe the class of the pretty lame NFC. This isn’t a bad matchup by any means for 8:30 am - Packers cover and win by 10+ against whatever is happening/not happening in New York. Prediction - Daniel Jones fumbles the ball.

Chargers at Browns - Chargers favored by 1.5 on the road

I will take the home dog Browns because I recently watched a betting video with an actual expert and he said something cool about betting on home underdogs and how that’s sharp. Austin Eckler does not score 3 more TDs. Keenan Allen is dust at this point.

Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings - Vikings favored by 6

IT’S A GAME AND IT’S HAPPENING. For the love of God Cole Kmet.... please catch LIKE FIVE PASSES FOR 50 YARDS AND YOUR ONLY TD OF THE SEASON AND THEN I’LL STOP PLAYING YOU IN DAILY. Bears cover just because.

Texans at Jags - Jags favored by a manly 7 points

Questions we have for the Jags ahead of Sunday - Are the Jags and their wet giraffe QB for real? And what is the urine / DNA content % in the Jags ill-chlorinated in-stadium pool? And also and possibly more importantly - will this game be a shoot out? Yes Yes it will - dunno who wins but OVER ON 43.5 POINTS.

Seahawks at Saints - Saints favored by 6

Hey look another game I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT. Lord God who would bet on this? Flip a coin I dunno fuck you.

Falcons at Buccaneers - Bucs by 10

This is the Brady nuclear eruption get-right spot with all the WRs back and healthy. Tons of fantasy goodness in this one. Fournette scores a TD or 3. Bucs should roll. RIP Kyle Pitts we hardly knew ye.

Dolphins at Jets - Dolphins by 3

I will buy this up to 3.5 and take the Jets at home vs a backup QB to keep it within a field goal.

Steelers at Bills - Bills by 14 oh no!

This line started at 9.5 and moved to 14. Let’s buy it down to -13.5 and yes on the Bills. Diggs goes nuclear - Pickett plays decent. Buffalo still looks like peak Buffalo.

Lions at Patriots - THE MATT PATRICIA REVENGE GAME YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU DIDN’T WANT TO SEE - New England by 3 points

I think New England absolutely rolls them and both New England RBs have big days. Lions offense can’t stay that hot especially with all the injuries.... r-right?

Eagles at Cardinals - Eagles favored by 7.5

Sheesh - I’ll take the Cards to cover here.

Cowboys at Rams - Rams by 5.5 points

Higbee has quietly been getting elite tier usage at THE TIGHT END WASTELAND POSITION OF MILD DISCOMFORT and seems to be the best TE play of the week considering he’s BASICALLY THE RAMS #2 WR. Cooper Rush can’t win every game and the Rams win this game BECAUSE THEY JUST WON THE SUPER BOWL. Jerry Jones throws a watery glass of Johnny Walker Blue at his grandson in the luxury suite.

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munstysmind · 3 years

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SKYPE - Maddison - An Original Story

WARNING/S: Mentions of assault, stalking, feeling unsafe, abuse

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY

Divider by @firefly-graphics

SERIES MASTERLIST

please let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list

{DECEMBER 2012}

Travis had been arrested and charged with breach of a protection order and assault with a deadly weapon. His bail had been set at $500,000. He couldn’t afford anywhere near that so he was still in custody.

He had stupidly admitted to the NYPD that he had been stalking Maddie and Sebastian. Sebastian had lost his mind when they had been told.

Even though Travis wasn’t leaving lockup anytime soon, Sebastian still took out a restraining order against him. They’ve also moved to a bigger apartment in a completely different building. Sebastian isn’t taking any chances, especially with Maddie’s safety.

As much as it frustrates her, she knows she can’t live alone, not yet, not after everything that’s happened.

Sitting one her bed with her legs crossed under her, Maddie puts her headphones on and stares at her laptop in front of her while she waits for the Skype call to her brother to connect.

It’s the first time she’s been able to video chat him in over a month because his ship has been god knows where doing classified Navy stuff.

After what seems like an eternity her brothers face finally appears on the screen.

“Pip!” her brother says with a smile on his face.

“Hi” she says, the same smile spread across her own face.

“Wait… where are you?”

“New York”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It just looks different, that’s all”

“Oh, I’m in our new place”

“Our?”

“Me and Seb’s”

“Oh, when you said you were staying with him I didn’t realise you’d moved in together. When did this happen?”

“Like a month ago”

“Oh OK. So living with Seb, how long is it gonna be is it like this a permanent thing or…”

“I don’t know” she shrugs, her eyes looking over the top of her laptop screen out the open door of her bedroom to fix onto Sebastian, who was sat on the couch watching TV “I don’t feel safe on my own right now so”

“You feel safe with him” her brother says, already knowing

“Yeah”

Matt gives his sister a sympathetic look. It makes his blood boil thinking about what she went through. He’s beyond grateful that Sebastian has been there for his little sister.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m OK. It’s just each day as it comes. I haven’t had a nightmare in a week so that’s progress I guess”

“Have you spoken to someone ”

“Seb, Jensen…”

“Maddie, you know what I mean”

“Yeah”

“Have you?”

“No. I can’t. Not, not yet. It’s…”

“Hey, it’s OK, you don’t have to do anything until you’re ready… what time is it for you?”

“7:30, pm. You?”

“9:30”

“Where are you anyway?”

“We’re docked just outside of Cairns”

“How long?”

“Few days. Just to restock then we’re headed back out”

“How long have you got left?”

“This deployment?”

“Yeah”

“3 months”

“You gonna go back?”

“I’ve already signed up”

“Of course you have… don’t you ever get sick of it?”

“The Navy?”

“Being away from home for months on end”

“I could ask you the exact same thing Pip”

“Mmm, it’s a little different Matt”

“Is it though?”

“Yeah, it is. You’re in a warship in the middle of the ocean defending our country. I play dress up and make believe and hunt monsters on TV. There’s no comparison Matt”

“Well I for one am glad you do what you do otherwise we wouldn’t have Supernatural night in the mess hall every week. Ali’s a fan favourite with the crew”

“Wait… you told me there were only a few guys that watched”

“There was, yeah”

“What do you mean was, how many are we talking about now?”

“I don’t know, like 50ish”

“Oh god, what did you do?”

“I may have um, lets just say some of them needed persuasion”

“Matt, you can’t keep forcing people to watch Supernatural just because I’m in it”

“I don’t see why not”

“MATTHEW!”

“OK fine, I’ll back off”

“Thank You”

“So when you going back to filming?”

“Second week of Jan”

“Why don’t you seem happy about it?”

“No I am, its just… I don’t know. I… I guess I’m just worried”

“About?”

“Everything. So much had happened and” she pauses, thinking of her next words carefully “My brains my own worst enemy right now. Like even the thought of going home right now terrifies me Matt”

“You’re not going home for Christmas, are you?”

She lets out a shaky breath before she answers her brother’s question

“No… I want to, I really do, I just… I need quiet right now and our family…”

“… is the complete opposite”

“Pretty much. I just don’t need all the pity or questions, you know? Or the judgement… especially from Jamie”

“He is the last person on earth who should be judging”

“That doesn’t fucking stop him”

“I know. Have you talked to Mum and Dad?”

“Yeah”

“And?”

“They’re not happy about it but they understand”

She runs her tongue over her teeth and quietly scoffs, butting her bottom lip at the memory of her Mum sobbing in the phone after she told her she wasn’t coming home.

“MADDIE!”

“What?!”

“You just zoned out, is everything OK?”

“Mm hum”

“Maddie, please talk to me”

“It’s just… I loved him Matt… I really loved him. There’s a part of me still does and I don’t know why”

“Those feelings don’t just go away overnight Mads, it’s gonna take time”

“I… I never thought I’d be here, you know. I never thought that something like this would happen”

“I know Maddie. You know we didn’t like him that much because of how he treated you at times but none of us thought he was capable of doing what he did”

“Thing is… looking back, here were so many warning signs Matt, and I chose to ignore them. I convinced myself that they were all in my head. If I’d have just trusted my instincts, it wouldn’t have happened”

“HEY, none of this is on you do you understand me, none of it. What happened is not your fault”

“It doesn’t feel that way”

“Lieutenant Holden” a voice off screen says, getting her brothers attention

“Yes?” Matt says, turning towards whoever it is who’s talking to him

“The captain is requesting you on deck sir”

“I gotta go” Matt’s sighs slightly frustrated. His crew knew how eager he was ti see his sister, even if it was only over a computer screen.

“I know” she says sadly giving him a small smile

“Hey, I’ll message you later OK”

“OK. I love you”

“Love you too Pip”

She closes her laptop and removes her headphones before she lets out a loud sigh, resting her face in her hands.

She misses her big brother terribly. The last time she had seen him in person was her birthday the previous year, 18 months ago. She hates being so far from her family back home.

“You OK?” she hears Sebastian say, pulling her out of her thoughts. Looking up she sees him looking at her from the couch

“Yeah, just tired” she lies, rubbing her face with both hands. He gives her a look that lets her know he knows she isn’t being completely honest with him. She just shakes her head, tears starting to well in her eyes.

He wants to nothing more than to go and wrap her in a hug but her doesn’t, he just gives her a small, sympathetic smile before turning back to watch his show knowing not to push the topic.

TAGLIST

@aussieez

#original series #original character #maddison original series #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #jensen ackles #jared paladecki #supernatural #marvel #captain america #anxiety #PTSD #slow build #domestic violence #domestic abuse #assault

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falsegoodnight · 3 years

Text

this is part two of my december fic rec! this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 18th to the 28th!! it’s also my birthday today which makes it even more special! i can think of no better way to spend today than spreading positivity! :)

you can find part one of this month here

✰ there’s happiness because of you by @hadestyles | NR | 1k - (so soft, tender, and beautiful!! rori’s writing amazes me always! and this was written for my birthday because they’re an angel <3)

Thursday mornings have always been their favourite.

✰ and it gets colder and colder by @hadestyles | E | 2K - (another rori fic!! once again, beautiful prose! made me feel emotional!)

Harry wants to take care of Louis. Things take a turn.

✰ make my wish come true by @soldouthaz | M | 3k - (drabble from this series) (so cute, lovely, soft, amazing!!! made my heart so happy! this is also dedicated to me which :’) sarah angel chant)

The taste of Christmas cookies fresh out of the oven and peppermint hot chocolate is still heavy on his tongue. Harry’s sweater provides some warmth and it still smells of him from before he left for his internship two weeks ago, but it’s nowhere near the feeling of his arms wrapped around him. Louis shivers despite the blankets.

✰ spirit meets the bones by @hadestyles | E | 3k - (i had to edit to add this because rori wrote another beautiful little fic for me :’) beautiful prose, beautiful emotions, so so so beautiful, gosh. pure poetry!)

The action shouldn’t fill his eyes with tears but it does. These small gestures mean the world to him. A steady reminder that Harry does notice all the tiny, seemingly insignificant details that make Louis him.

✰ 29 Blows by @quelquesetoiles | E | 4k - (super hot but also so cute!! love the concept of the birthday tradition in this one!!!)

For over a decade now, Harry has had his little tradition. It wouldn't be a Louis Tomlinson birthday without his best friend finding new, ingenious ways to make his life more difficult.

It's cute, it's funny, it's theirs, until Harry takes it a step too far on Louis' 29th birthday.

✰ calm me down (before i sleep) by @erodiansunflower | E | 7k - (a pwp and super hot, but also super cute??)

Prompt 24: Harry is a sex shop owner that has a crush on Louis, the shy customer who flirts with him while buying cute buttplugs, lace panties, and collars. One day, Louis asked Harry to help him put on a corset (they end up fucking in the dressing room). Things escalate quickly from there, so they start seeing each other seriously while trying other sex stuff.

✰ You’re Never Alone With a Moon This Bright by @helloamhere | T | 8k - (part one of this series) (WOW this was incredible and i am ENTRANCED! this author is an all-time favorite and idk why it took me so long to get to this series but i’m here now!! and loving it!!)

Louis was a monster. But sometimes, even monsters get a Christmas.

✰ Be a Good Girl For Me by @sincetheywere16and18 | E | 9k - (really hot and cute!!!)

Based on this prompt: “AU where Harry is Louis’ older brother’s best friend. He catches Louis dancing around his room in panties and blackmails him, saying that louis has to do anything he says or else he’ll tell Louis’ family that he wears girly underwear. Secretly soft for him, Harry gives him easy tasks and uses the whole thing to spend more time with Louis. Eventually, the orders begin to escalate and Harry teases Lou about his secret, making Louis shy and embarrassed. Louis loves the attention though, and forms a crush on his brother’s best friend. Lots of feminization, secret relationship, and enemies to lovers. Thank you!”

✰ it’s hard to fight naked by @loustarlight | E | 11k - (LOVED this so much!!! a big fan of enemies/flatmates to lovers especially when there’s a walk-in involved!!)

Louis leaves dirty socks on the couch, Zayn does assignments while he's high, and Harry is hopelessly crushing on his roommate.

✰ Sweet Scary Creatures by @specklelouis | M | 13k - (jurassic park au!! so cute and fun!!! loved louis’ character growth in this in particular!)

They stare into each other's eyes for a while until Louis remembers this is too intimate and looks at Harry’s hands on his thigh. It spans a big portion of his thigh and Louis has always been insecure about how thick he is, so he loves that Harry has huge, dustbin hands that hold him and makes him feel smaller, safer.

✰ hereafter (ad infinitum) by @larryent | M | 13k - (this was absolutely beautiful!! the writing was incredible, the contrast between the old timeline and new one impeccable, and the letters!!! love them!! and vampire harry is always a win!)

"A legacy is every life you’ve touched. And you’ve touched mine twice."

On the coast of San Francisco in 2024 is when Harry falls in love all over again.

✰ Believe Me When I Say You Have It All by @helloamhere | T | 20k - (part two of this series) (loved this even more than it’s predecessor. not to be dramatic, but i’d die for the louis and harry in this series. this whole world has my heart)

Harry had never faced anything in this forest that had actually succeeded in scaring him. Louis was no exception.

✰ Yours to Lose by @loulicate-recs | M | 26k - (so cute and soft and sweet!!! louis and harry were both angels and IAN <3 little cutie!!! so proud of you hanis!)

Louis always gets distracted with his mummy duty and he eventually catches Harry's attention.

✰ But It’s Useless by @thinlinez | E | 26k - (this put such a big smile on my face!! so cute and lovely!! louis was a relatable and adorable menace and harry was a smitten idiot but they both got there in the end!!)

Omega Louis would never guess that he would be trying to hack into Alpha Harry's Wifi. That is until everything changes when he tries to get to know his enemy.

✰ Stuck On You by Writewhatiwant | E | 34k - (so so sweet! loved the aspect of stickers in this fic and how louis found joy in them!! really loved how both louis and harry (especially harry) grew throughout this story and how they found peace at the end!)

Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.

✰ smoke between your teeth by @soldouthaz | E | 37k - (i think everyone knows how much i adore sarah and her fics but this one just might be a new favorite! loved all the psych stuff, the pining, the rom-com worthy confession <3 brilliant!)

Louis tries to stop his addiction to cigarettes and discovers he's been addicted to Harry for much, much longer.

✰ Your Life Worth Walking on a Bright Morning by @helloamhere | T | 38k - (part three of this series) (it just keeps getting better and better <3 so comforting and consistent and beautiful!)

For all its complexity, Louis sometimes reminded himself, life could always be simplified into a series of forks in the road. Even overwhelmingly big things were survivable when you broke them down to their choice. One path or the other, left or right.

✰ On The Edge by @zanniscaramouche | E | 47k - (so crazy good!! zanni is always amazing me!! loved the ice skating, the hockey, the misunderstandings, the multi-faced and beautiful characters and relationships - all so perfect!)

Figure skating is as vital to Louis’ identity as his DNA, so when his skates go missing right before the last Olympics of his career there may be a meltdown only vanilla bath salts can fix. Well, that and the stupidly charming hockey player he met on the plane.

Harry’s too old to be the wonder kid and too young to be taken seriously in the NHL. As an alternate thrown in at the last second, he fights to prove himself on the national team at the largest sporting event known to man. Or he will, once he gets off this flight and can focus on something other than the fussy figure skater and his stunningly blue eyes.

A baggage mix-up skews both of their perfectly laid plans for gold, forcing the two to work together as the clock clicks towards the minute they’re expected to shine on centre ice.

✰ made for lovin’ you by @cuddlerlouis | E | 53k - (loved this so much!! touch depri/accidental bonds are my favorite and this was no exception!!! the characterizations, the tension, the misunderstandings, the tenderness, the fluff!!! so good!)

A quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

✰ social cues by @outropeace | E | 56k - (so fucking good!! the slow burn in this was impeccable!!! pair it with friends with benefits, mutual pining, angst, misunderstandings... amazing <3)

To Harry, Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.

He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?

Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.

It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?

✰ dripping like spider milk by @raspberryoatss | E | 64k - (pip amazing me with her talent? a common occurrence. this was so wonderfully written and so well done!! loved the characterizations, the dynamic, the angst, the miscommunication, the pining, the HUMOR!!! it was all so amazing!!)

When he sees the alpha, his brown hair curling around the top of his neck and his broad back that’s filled out over the past couple of years, Louis freezes for a moment. The alpha turns around, Louis’ surprised expression mirrored on his own for a fraction of a second before he schools it into a big, yet shy grin and a wave of his huge hand. With his nostrils flared, Louis knows that he can smell him, too.

They never hired alphas, except for—

“Harry.”

✰ a taste of freedom and sweetened passion by @tomlinvelvetfics | M | 74k - (okay technically haven’t finished reading this one yet but i want to get this up early and i already know this is amazing because it’s LATE and she’s incredible!!! and, i mean, anne of green gables?? abo?? best birthday gift ever!! will be spending the day reading this in bliss <3)

“Are you mad?” he explodes, throwing his hands up, groaning. “I was so, so close to reaching my goal, and your stupid, stalking ass had to creep up on me, hm?”

Harry is trying to keep his laughter in, walking closer to him, eyes soft. He doesn’t like the way those eyes make him feel, an odd, dangerous mix of nervous and flustered, so he bends down to pick up the books, raising an eyebrow when Harry growls in protest.

“I wanted to pick them up for you,” the alpha pouts, and Louis glares at him, getting into position and lowering the pile of yellowed pages over the top of his head.

“I’m a functional human being, thank you very much,” he grits out as he begins to walk and mentally count the amount of steps he takes. One, two, three, for heaven’s sake Harry fuck off!, four, five. He doesn’t let himself be distracted as the alpha walks along with him despite the slow pace, green eyes focused on him in a way that would, in any other cases, compelled him to throw a book in the alpha’s face.

He doesn’t know why he doesn’t do it and certainly doesn’t want to think about the reason, whatever it might be.

If you read any of these lovely fics, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

#fic recs #my fic recs #28th appreciation #2020 recs #december recs #december 2020 recs

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official-weasley · 3 years

Text

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 7, Ch. 2

PART 7: THE YEAR OF HIDING AND PASSION Chapter 2 - Helping Hagrid

Warnings: SMUT in the broom closet!

Charlie

I think it was easy to say that between being in my last year at Hogwarts, going to Romania 2-3 times per week working with Dragons, and being in a relationship with the girl I liked since Third Year, this is the happiest year of my life. I imagined and daydreamed about how it would be if Nova returned my feelings but I didn't even dare to think it would be as good as we have it. She is so amazing and beautiful and I love her so much! We both marked the Summer at the Burrow a success even though Ginny and Bill know about us. I know Ginny is too excited for Nova to join the family to say anything and Bill was going to find out sooner or later anyway. I can't deny I'm glad he knows because I can go for him for advice now. He taught me the Protection spell and Merlin's beard is that being handy and I know if I didn't talk to him about our first time, I would be way more nervous than I was. It was so beautiful and Nova loved it. I wanted to do something romantic so she could feel as relaxed as she possibly could and to be honest I needed that too. I remember how careful I was with her as if she was the most fragile thing. I really wanted to do it as right for the first time as one can and I didn't want to hurt her but make her feel as comfortable as I could.

It was as beautiful as it was awkward which we expected and we weren't bothered by it. We did it two more times that night, fireflies around us, and we began to feel better about it. We were curious and we both felt something between us that we couldn't wait to explore. Nova was pretty shy when it came to sex at the beginning and I found it adorable. We talked about it one night, gazing at the stars and she said that it helps her gain confidence if we talk it through. So we like to discuss what each of us likes and how it feels and she's getting there and so am I. I fancied her for such a long time that I still stare at her sometimes and I can't believe how amazing she is and that I am lucky enough to call her mine. I am so in love with her that sometimes I can't believe I am capable of all these feelings. One of the last nights at the Burrow, Nova surprised me with a midnight picnic. She was very suspicious the whole day and there was something in the way she was looking at me that just turned me on so much. She started to take off my shirt and pushed me to the ground and I couldn't get over her confidence, it was so sexy. I didn't do much that night as she locked me to the ground by her being on top and to say that I didn't remember my name afterward, was an understatement. Charlie, who?

—

When our Seventh Year started, we knew we would have to make a plan because our friends still didn't know about us and we wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. The twins kept disappearing Merlin knows where and I knew that if I let them pass through my fingers they might just keep our secret if we tell them or they see us. Percy was so into his books that he probably wouldn't notice anyway so we really wanted to just be cautious around our friends. We usually sneaked into the Forest. We did try the Room of Requirement a few times but it became boring as we ran out of ideas how to change the room and there was something about doing it in the Forest, knowing it's a bit dangerous, that doing it in bed couldn't compare to the feelings in there.

A few months into the school year, Nova was a completely different person. She was still shy around me and I could feel how much she loved me but her confidence when it comes to sex grew from not looking me in the eyes during the act to rubbing my thigh and going a bit too close with her hand while biting her lip and winking at me during class. To be honest, I didn't know how we were going to pass this year. Almost everything we did, even a simple look, turned us on and it was all we could think about. We just couldn't help ourselves. It has been too many years of tension. Too many years of hidden feelings. Too many years of denying them for the sake of our friendship and now we can finally let go. We're at the age where we're supposed to be adults and act responsible but the energy and passion we feel when we're embraced, all hot and sweaty is the best piece of magic I have ever encountered. We finally understood Jae and Tulip that they couldn't take their hands off each other last year, we were acting the same now.

—

One morning I came down to the Great Hall and Nova was sitting with Tonks at the Ravenclaw Table. “Good morning.” I sang and looked around to see if there were any familiar faces before smooching my girlfriend. I still get goosebumps saying she's my girlfriend. I'm the luckiest fucking bloke on the planet! I was so happy that Tonks knew about us. She was so understanding and never asked questions and she even covered for us a couple of times when Penny almost busted us. Sometimes we were so caught in the moment that we forgot we were supposed to be sneaking around.

I didn't tell Jae yet even though I knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it and wouldn't tell Tulip as I hid their relationship from Nova last year. Still, it never came up in the conversation so I decided to stay quiet. Nova thought Tulip knew about us as there were days when she came to her dorm pretty late but then she said that Tulip tried to persuade her to share her feelings with me and she knew she didn't have a clue. If she only knew about the feelings we shared.

Penny was Nova's biggest concern. I knew it was tearing her apart because she wanted to tell her best friend. I told her that she can if she wants to but she was still not ready and felt uncomfortable answering the questions she knew Penny was going to ask her.

“Wotcher, Charlie. How did you sleep?” Tonks yawned. She looked tired most of the days since the beginning of the school year. “Great.” I grinned and looked at Nova, who was looking at me, her eyes all dreamy. I felt my cheeks turn pink. “You okay, Tonks?” “Never better!” She leaned on Nova's shoulder and pretended to snore. Nova chuckled and my stomach turned. She still gave me butterflies.

“What are you two love birds doing today?” Tonks asked. It was so nice that we didn't have to hide from her. “Each other.” Nova said casually, winked at me, and almost made me spit out my orange juice. “That reminds me...” Tonks lifted her head. “Have you ever done it in a broom closet?” I liked how casual we were about sex. We both shook our heads but by Nova's look, I already knew she was up for it. “Second Floor to the left. Looks like an abandoned room.” Tonks began to explain. “Not that much space but it's nice and tight if you know what I mean.” I chuckled. Never saw her and Barnaby having the type of relationship that they had but I was happy it was working out for them. She was still telling Nova about it but I completely zoned out when Nova started brushing her leg against mine under the table. She was so sexy when she was turned on and the more details about the broom closet she got from Tonks the bigger her naughty grin got. A letter broke our eye contact and I wasn't even mad about it. It was beginning to get too hot for such a public place. It took a lot of power to look away from Nova and open the letter Pip brought me but someone had to be strong in this relationship, even though I knew we are going to be in that closet, our bodies pressed against one another and enjoying the moment in about 10 minutes.

“It's from Hagrid, Nova. He wants us to help him with something in the Forest.” I finally focused as I pulled my legs closer to my side so she couldn't reach me. I didn't want to but she was frying my brain. “Is that your new code for doing it in the woods?” Tonks winked at me. Nova chuckled. “No!” I smirked. “I'm serious.” I gave Nova the letter. “What'd you reckon it's about?” She asked, excited. I was the one that was going into the Forest with Hagrid a lot, while Nova usually had other things to do, and sometimes she was a bit jealous that she couldn't join us but this time Hagrid asked for both of us. “The last time he said something about some animal disappearances but he didn't want to give me any details.” I answered. “It looked like he was hiding something and couldn't trust me with it.” “Then it definitely has to do with that.” I nodded to her response.

Usually, when Hagrid did something that he wasn't supposed to tell me about, he always let something slip before realizing he is talking to a student and then I always received a letter a week later to help him with whatever he got in trouble with anyway. I like Hagrid a lot and I am very appreciative that he took the time to write me a recommendation letter for my job and I would help him with anything he needs to return the favor. Tonks now looked as if she was snoozing on Nova's shoulder and I was beginning to be a bit worried about her. “Tonks, how come you're so tired all the time?” I asked gently as I didn't know if she actually fell asleep. “Fucking Barnaby!” She lifted her head and buried her face in her hands. “Are we talking about the act or the person?” Nova laughed at my question. “Yes.” She looked at me and nodded. “I barely get any sleep, we have been at it all night for three days now.” She yawned again but by the look on her face, she didn't seem that bothered. “Why don't you guys take a break?” I smirked. “Can you take a break from YOUR girlfriend?” She winked at me. I looked at Nova who was biting her lip again. I could never take a break from her. “I get your point.” I laughed. “Wait, what do you mean your are you and Barnaby a couple?” I was so deep in my fantasy again that I needed a moment to figure out what Nova was asking her. “Might as well be.” Tonks shrugged her shoulders. “We didn't talk about it but neither of us is seeing anyone else and seeing you lot act the same with the exception of holding hands when no one's looking, what's really the difference?” She did make sense.

“Well, do you want to be in a relationship?” Nova asked her. “I dunno.” She answered honestly. “I thought I didn't want to be because I am not a lovey-dovey person like Penny and Tulip is too hardcore for me.” We all laughed. It was interesting how different all of our relationships were.

“But hearing you lot having so much sex and you call yourself a couple I am giving it a second thought.” It was true, Nova and I were quite active and I never imagined us to be when we started due to how shy we both were but we both enjoy it so much and it's so magical every time that I don't see the problem.

“Tonks, being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have sex.” I chuckled. “Some are more gentle and romantic and others are more passionate.” I was lucky to have both with Nova. I enjoyed cuddling with her as much as I enjoyed being inside of her. Once per week, we had a date in the Room of Requirement and we always made it so romantic that it was almost cheesy. We usually ended up sitting in front of the fire, talking and cuddling.

“I see your point, Dragon boy.” She got up. “Where are you going?” Nova asked her. “First of all, the energy between you two,” she pointed her finger at both of us, “makes me not want to be a third wheel right now and second of all I need to get some sleep or that Slytherin will be the death of me.” She rolled her eyes but I knew she liked it. Nova chuckled and Tonks left the Hall. “So we go down to Hagrid's now or do we have some time?” Nova asked and I knew what was on her mind.

“Don't we have class?” I chuckled. She just shrugged her shoulders. What a loyal Ravenclaw she was. “He said in the afternoon so I think we have some time.” I winked at her and got up.

I know we have N.E.W.T.s this year and I would be more concerned about skipping class if I didn't already have a job secured. I was here so I wouldn't listen to my mum for the rest of my life how I didn't finish my education and that I could spend more time with Nova.

She snatched my hand and dragged me out of the Hall. I pressed her by the wall at the entrance. She looked at her watch. We were already breathing heavily. I couldn't wait for our bodies to become one. “We have half an hour until our Defense Against the Dark Arts, you reckon you can be so quick?” She leaned her head to me and bit my lip. “I'll do my best.” I whispered in her ear. “Do you want to give the broom closet a try?” Without answering she was already dragging me down the corridor. We reached the door Tonks described. We knocked just in case and tried the doorknob. It was locked. “Alohamora.” Nova whispered and the door creaked open. We looked around. It was small but it would do. It had shelves on every wall, dusty abandoned objects on them.

“So against which wall do you want to be pounded at?” I wrapped my hands around her from behind and bit the tip of her ear. “How about the middle one?” She turned around and pushed me into the shelf. She poked me in my chest and dragged her finger slowly across my body until she reached my pants.

That naughty smile was making my blood pump faster. She opened my pants, kneeled, and pulled them down. Her eyes glowed when she pulled down my boxers and started sucking. My eyes rolled back and my knees got weak. She was too good at doing that and her moaning in between didn't help my cause. I made her stop and helped her get up. I pressed her against the shelf on the right. “Mind pulling yourself up a bit, love.” I said between my heavy breaths. She looked up and grabbed two shelves above her head. It was my turn on the knees. My head disappeared under her skirt. I don't know how I feel about knowing the real reason why Tulip wears skirts so much but they were practical, I'll give her that.

I ran my finger across her underwear and she trembled. I knew I was torturing her at this point. I gently moved her panties away and when my tongue touched her she moaned. I loved making her feel good and feeling her twist from pleasure was a special kind of satisfaction and besides, I liked being between her legs. She suddenly pulled my hair and made me look up at her. “Fuck me.” She said between her breaths. We were far from 'making love' at this point even though we did have moments when we liked it nice and slow. This was not one of those times. I got to her eye level and she stuck her tongue down my throat. Did I mention how good of a kisser she was? I was keeping her steady by the waist with one hand and moved her underwear to the side so I could enter her. “Wait, my wand.” She breathed. I was halfway inside her. “That would be me, love.” I whispered and we both chuckled. “No silly! The Protection spell!” We used it every time even though I am not going to lie we almost forgot a few times. Usually, I was the one who remembered to cast the spell but thank Merlin Nova's brain was still functioning that she remembered this time because my mind was already gone. “Muffliato.” She whispered another spell. Tulip told her about this one when she told her stories about her and Jae. I don't know where she learned it from but it worked wonders. Nova wasn't exactly the quiet type when it came to sex and the spell came in very handy.

I entered her and she moaned. Our bodies moved together as one in a tight and sweaty embrace. If I wasn't the luckiest bloke in the entire school for having the most amazing girl return my feelings, then I don't know who was.

—

“Damn it, we're half an hour late.” Nova looked at her pocket watch as we were getting dressed. “You promised you would be quick.” She smirked at me. “A minute ago you didn't seem to mind me lasting so long.” I winked at her and she bestowed me with an amused look. I was pretty proud of myself for it and I knew she didn't want it to end by the sounds she was making. “Should we just go down to Hagrid's?” “You're serious about skipping class?” She said shocked. She was a Ravenclaw after all. “We can tell Rakepick Hagrid needed us. I am sure he is going to vouch for us.” I pulled my jumper over my head. “I guess.” She gave it a second thought. “If we show up to the lesson right now everyone will know we were doing it anyway.” She chuckled and pointed at her hair which was everywhere but in place. “I love you so much, Nova Blackwood.” I kissed her gently and could see her cheeks turn red saying those words. “I love you too, Charles Weasley.” She pulled me into a hug and I loved how we could switch from what we were just doing to being attentive and gentle with each other within seconds.

We carefully slipped out of the broom closet, happy nobody saw us and ran down to Hagrid's to see what he needs help with.

Nova

“Comin'!” We knocked on Hagrid's door and we could hear him stand up.

“Nova, Charlie! What are yeh doin' 'ere?” He opened the door, surprised.

“You wrote us a letter to see you.” Charlie said.

“In the afternoon.” Hagrid moved away from the door and invited us inside.

“It sounded urgent, so we came straight away.” His letter was pretty casual but we needed an excuse not to go to class.

“Yeh know meh too well. It is an emergency.” He sat down and sighed. “But yeh missin' yeh lessons!” He stood back up. I could tell he was nervous.

“You can write us a note.” Charlie said quickly. “Your thing is obviously more important.” Smooth, Weasley. Very smooth.

“Yeh right.” Hagrid sat back down. “I don't know wha' to do.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Hagrid, what happened?” I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his back.

“It's Fang. We were in the Forest this mornin' and we got a bit lost, yeh see, and there was this sound and when I turned around 'e was gone.” Hagrid burst into tears.

“Hagrid, that IS an emergency!” Charlie stood up at once.

“I know!” He sobbed. “I didn' want to worry yeh in case yeh couldn' make it but I could use yeh 'elp searchin'. I dunno who else to ask.” He buried his head into my shoulder. I looked at Charlie, worry in his eyes.

“Take us to where you last saw him, Hagrid.” Charlie said with a determined voice. We helped Hagrid stand up and he took us outside.

I was really happy that we were the first people to come to mind to help him save Fang. But then again, we were probably the only ones mad enough to go so deep into the Forest. We have sneaked in more times than I would like to admit and I knew that Charlie has been at least twice as the number of times I was but by the look on his face, he hasn't been so deep either.

“Hagrid,” I couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy, “are we still on the right path?”

“Just a bit further.” He was still sobbing but tried hard to focus.

We have been walking for what seemed like an hour more. Charlie and I exchanged looks here and there and I could see he would rather be yelled at by Rakepick for being late to class than be so deep in the Forest. He was about to open his mouth and say something when Hagrid stopped.

“'ere.” He said and burst into tears. I looked around, there was nothing that would indicate that something could've taken Fang. I gestured to Charlie to look around. I stepped to Hagrid and tried to calm him down as much as possible. I have no idea what creatures lurk so deep in the Forest and Hagrid didn't exactly try hard to be quiet.

“Nova, I think I found something.” Hagrid and I ran in the direction of Charlie's voice and stopped in front of a hole next to a tree.

“It looks like a tunnel.” I whispered and got closer to it.

“Hagrid, do you think Fang could fall inside?” Charlie asked him.

“I dunno. Perhaps.” Hagrid's voice became a bit more hopeful.

“Then we have to go in.” I sat down on the edge of the opening, ready to jump down.

“What are you doing?” Charlie grabbed my shoulder, preventing me to go.

“I'm going in, what does it look like?” I frowned.

“You're not going first!” He offered me a hand to pull me up.

“And why is that?” I slapped his hand away.

“We don't know what's in there.” He hissed at me.

“I don't see your point, Weasley.” I turned around and was ready to jump in.

“No!” Charlie grabbed me under the armpits and pulled me up.

“Merlin's beard, what is up with you!” I moved around so he would let me go.

“It can be dangerous. You're not going first!” He stepped in front of the hole, preventing me to get any closer. There was something in his eyes that I have never seen before. He seemed afraid. Not for himself but for me.

“Char...” I said softly. We have been together for almost half a year now and he showed me every day how much I mean to him but it just hit me that there wasn't a thing in the world he wouldn't do for me and it scared me.

I didn't want him to go first just so that I could stay safe. I didn't want him to risk his life for me, not now not ever. And I most definitely didn't want to see that look in his eyes ever again, the look that said that he was terrified of losing me.

“We are not doing this here.” I tried sounding harsh, even though I had to fight every muscle in my body to not pull him into a hug. Hagrid was still too busy crying to pay attention to our fight. I pushed him aside instead and jumped into the hole. I could hear him shouting my name when I hit the ground. It was pitch black and the smell was foul.

“Lumos.” I looked around. It looked like a passage.

“It's a tunnel!” I shouted up to the surface. A few seconds later, Charlie landed on his feet right next to me. I knew Hagrid would have to stay behind because he was too big to fit the hole.

“What was that?” He snapped at me. I haven't seen him this angry in a long time.

“Charlie, I know I'm your girlfriend, but you can't tell me what to do!” I barked at him.

“The hell I can't!” I gasped at his response.

“Excuse me?” I wanted to hex him on the spot.

“I just started my life with you, I am not losing you!” He shouted in my face.

“It's just a hole, Charles! Stop making such a big deal out of it!” I yelled back.

“And what if you got hurt?” Our noses were touching now.

“And what if I did?” I stood up on my toes.

“Nova,” his voice went from high to gentle, “I can't bear to lose you. You don't understand what being with you means to me.” He placed a hand on my cheek.

“I know, Char.” I covered his hand with mine and I lowered my voice too. “But you can't protect me from every little danger that comes my way.” I kissed him gently.

“How do you think I feel every week when you go to Romania and I know you might come back with a scar or two. I know how dangerous Dragons are and I am not shouting at you every time you go.” I support him 100% when it comes to his job even though I'm a nervous wreck every time he goes.

He already has a scar on his chest, his left leg, and a rather big one on his right shoulder. And every time he comes back and I see he's okay I feel relieved but I never tell him how worried I am because of the grin he has on his face when he tells me all about it. I know he doesn't worry about getting hurt and I know he's quite proud of his scars.

“We both knew what we were getting into when we started dating. You working with Dragons and you know my list of animals I want to study.” I continued after his silence. His lips curved. He knew there was nothing safe about the creatures I wanted to work with.

“I'm sorry. I got a bit carried away.” He pressed his lips to mine. It was one of those stronger kisses, the ones that made me tremble and reminded me how good we have it.

“A bit?” I poked him in his chest. He laughed.

He leaned in for another kiss when we heard a sound. Our eyes locked.

“Fang!” We exclaimed at the same time and without even thinking about it, started running through the passage. We started to speed up when we saw a dim light. The stench was getting worse and when we both stopped, we understood why the smell was so bad.

We reached a room, lit by candles. There were blood pools everywhere on the ground and a pile of bones in one corner. I heard Fang cry. Charlie and I both looked in the direction of the sound and saw him laying on the floor.

“He's hurt.” Charlie said as he kneeled next to him.

“Can you pick him up?” I took a step closer to them, my wand ready. “I don't want to be here when the thing that got Fang comes back.”

Charlie carefully picked him up. He was howling from pain but we knew that we had to take him out of there. We were almost at the entrance to the tunnel when I heard something behind us.

“Is that...” Charlie's voice shook. I narrowed my eyes to see better.

“Red...” I whispered.

“Cap!” Charlie finished my sentence. “Nova, RUN!” He started sprinting through the tunnel and I followed him.

I could hear the sounds the creature was making but I tried to forget about them. My heart was beating so fast. I knew what Red Cap's were and I knew that no matter what spell I would throw at it, it would probably dodge it. They were really dangerous and could only really be stopped with a Beautification potion. Something, we did not have.

We got to the spot where we dropped down into the hole and Charlie started shouting for Hagrid to help us. The Cap was still after us but I knew that if we hurried we could get out of here, safe and sound. Charlie gave Fang to Hagrid.

“Wingardium Leviosa!” I shouted to give Charlie a boost. He grabbed Hagrid's hand and pulled himself up. I heard the creature getting closer and just when Charlie grabbed my hand, I felt excruciating pain on my calf. I lifted my other leg to pull myself up to the best of my abilities while pressing my lips together not to scream from pain.

I looked back down and saw the creature crawling after me. “Reducto!” I knocked it to the ground and Charlie pulled me up.

“Nova! Are you alright?” Charlie put his hand on my shoulders and started observing me.

“My leg.” I mumbled and showed on my muscle.

“Hagrid, we have to go!” Charlie lifted me in his arms and him and Hagrid started running. I could hear Charlie saying something to Hagrid but I couldn't really pay attention. My vision got blurry and I could hear nothing but ringing in my ears.

—

I felt like opening my eyes but it seemed my eyelids were too heavy. I heard someone move closer to me and I winced.

“Nova.” I heard Charlie's gentle voice say my name and I felt his hand on mine. “Madam Pomfrey! She's awake!” I heard him say and I opened my eyes to the best of my ability.

Charlie was standing up, a chair behind him. He had dark circles under his eyes and a look of worry. Madam Pomfrey opened the curtain that was separating my bed from the rest of the Hospital Wing.

“Let me see you, dear.” She came closer and gave me a glass of yellowish liquid. “Drink it. It will make you feel better.” I took the glass and tried getting up. My whole body was in pain. Charlie put two pillows behind my back so I could properly sit.

“What in the bloody hell happened?” I whispered. I couldn't recall the event that brought me the pain I was feeling.

“You were poisoned, Miss Blackwood. Went straight into your blood.” Madam Pomfrey explained and disappeared behind the curtain again.

“She said that your wound is almost healed. You just have to get your strength back.” Charlie said softly and kissed my forehead.

“Red Cap!” Memories finally came back to me.

“He got your leg pretty messed up. Wasn't pretty to look at.” Charlie tried to smile even though I could see the concern painting his face.

“Is Fang okay?” I asked hastily.

“He's going to be fine.” Charlie smiled. He knew I cared more about animals than myself. “A few broken ribs, bit off tail, and a broken paw.”

“I got off easy then.” I chuckled but then winced as my whole body ached.

“You scared me so much, I didn't know what happened to you.” Charlie tried hard to keep a steady voice. “You just mumbled something about your leg and fainted.” He shook his head trying to get the memory out of his mind.

“Charlie, I'm alright.” I placed my hand on his cheek and his lips curved when I touched his skin. “It's just a scratch.”

“Don't get me mad, love.” He frowned but didn't say anything else. With the number of scars he already had from Romania, he knew he wasn't the one to talk. He then told me that he has been with me every day all day and that Penny brought him notes from classes so he could copy them.

All of our friends came to see me, including Fred, George, and Percy who accidentally mentioned in one of his letters to Molly that I was hurt and Charlie had to write her 3 letters to calm her down plus write to my mum because, of course, Molly wrote to her at once. Fred and George even smugged Pip in the Hospital Wing so he could see me and they got a week's worth of detention because Madam Pomfrey caught them.

After a week of me being awake, it was finally time for me to get released from the Hospital. I knew that the first thing I had to do was see Hagrid. Charlie told me he felt so bad seeing me unconscious that he couldn't even bring himself to come to see me again.

“All he does is just sob all day long no matter how much I tell him that you are okay.” Said Charlie as we were leaving the Wing.

“So basically, he's you.” I smirked at him.

“Not funny, Nova. You have no idea how worried I was for you.” His voice broke. I stopped him and pulled him into a hug.

“I'm fine.” I whispered.

“I know but if anything worse had happened...” His whole body shook.

“Char, look at me...” I cupped his face and it pained me when I saw he had tears in his eyes. “I just got hurt, I'm alright. Please stop worrying.” I pulled him back into a hug.

We walked down to Hagrid's in silence. He was holding my hand so tightly that I couldn't feel my fingers but I didn't care. I knew this was something he had to do to feel better and I didn't blame him. I wanted to tell him that what he was feeling while I was unconscious I was feeling every time he was in Romania, but I knew that if I did, he would never go again.

After an hour of Hagrid sobbing and me telling them both that I am fine and not as fragile as they think, they both relaxed and Hagrid finally forgave himself. We stayed for dinner at Hagrid's and I could see Charlie letting go of what happened and grasping the fact that I was completely healed. It was sweet that he was so concerned but at the same time, I couldn't help but worry about what will happen to us when our school year is over.

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strangeradventuresofp · 3 years

Text

second thoughts (legolas x reader)

The Fellowship of the Ring - Part 4

masterlist

warnings: mentions of death, smoking, straying from canon, secret spilled, SUUUPER long a/n lol sorry

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

a/n: hello my lovelies! its long overdue i know im so sorry! i kinda fell of the train for a while, but im back and super excited to present chapter 4 of second thoughts! thank you all for being so sweet and loving and understanding with me, i appreciate it so much! also in the meantime i hit 400 followers! incredible are you kidding me? i appreciate all 412 of you i love you with my all my heart and THANK YOU. if you would like to participate in my follower celebration you can see that here or look at the pinned post on my blog page. SO all the BORING stuff out of the way (im kidding) this chapter is completely made up, none of this is canon but it takes place while they are at Lothlorien. i thought it would be fun to add a chapter completely made up to develop some of the readers relationships ! i hope you enjoy this and thank you all so much for bearing with me!!<3

“Stay close, young hobbits.” Gimli spoke in a whisper once you were further into the woods. “They say a great sorceress lives in these woods. An elf-witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell… And are never seen again.”

“But is there any truth to it?” You asked, unsure. These woods were happily familiar to you, you must have had good experiences here.

“I do not know, lass. But either way, here’s one dwarf she won’t ensnare so easily. I have eyes of a hawk and ears of a fox—” A gasp escaped your lips as you came face to face with many arrow heads in your direction.

“The dwarf breathes so loud; we could have shot him in the dark.” A – very attractive – elf emerged among the arrows. He eyes washed over you and your breath caught in your throat. He was strangely familiar, too.

Legolas had noticed the other elf’s eyes studying you and for some reason felt a surge of a strange feeling passing through his body. He did not like the way that he looked at you.

“Haldir of Lorien. We come here for help. We need your protection.” Aragorn spoke fluently. The elf cocked an eyebrow.

“Aragorn, these woods are perilous. We should go back.” Gimli suggested, sounding rather irritated.

“Quiet, Gimli.” Your words were soft, looking curiously at Haldir who returned the gaze.

“You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back.” His eyes turned to Frodo. “Come. She is waiting.” He turned, and you followed.

Soon after, you found yourselves in Lothlorien, stepping up a tall, spiralling staircase. It was strange, for a reason that you could not explain or even pinpoint. But the peculiar could not overwrite its beauty. The staircase brought you to a beautiful arched building, supported by the tree branches it was built upon. It was white and glowing, and your eyes were fixed upon it entirely. Another staircase lay in front of you, of which two elves were situated on top, a man and a woman. He guided her down the steps with his hand. She was beautiful. Her skin was pale and her hair a platinum gold0silver. Her skin was flawless, her body covered by a gorgeously detailed white frock.

“Nine there are here yet ten there were set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him.” The man questioned. The woman’s eyes fell over your frame and you met them. Her gaze was intense.

“He has fallen into shadow.” She did not stop looking at you and you breathed silently, nodding slightly. She turned to Aragorn, and then at the other members of the Fellowship. “The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all.” Her eyes wandered, fixing on Boromir whose forehead was smothered in beads of sweat and he avoided her look. You noticed, brows knitting together in confusion. Legolas had also noticed, though he said and did nothing. “Yet hope remains while the company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace.”

~~~

It did not take long for you to get settled in, nor anyone else. You were each given fresh clothes and an opportunity to bathe. When the nine of you regathered to settle for bed, you chuckled to see that Aragorn looked the same as he had before. Legolas gave her a smile and stood beside her. You swallowed, thinking that he looked rather charming in the detailed silver tunic that wrapped his built torso. It suited him. In his hands he held a silver jug and he let out a breath.

“A lament for Gandalf.” He said, softly. You gave him a small smile which he returned.

“What do they say about him?”

“I have not the heart to tell you. For me, the grief is still too near.” You squeezed Legolas’ hand comfortingly, sharing a smile with him. Merry nudged Pippin, pointing at the two of you.

“It’s only a matter of time, young Pippin.” He whispered, a grin on his face.

“What does that mean?” Sam asked, but he was quickly shushed by the mischievous hobbits. Merry pointing yet again to you and Legolas.

“Do you think Y/N and Legolas will ever get together, Sam?” Sam shrugged to Pip’s question before they decided to continue preparing for bed. Meanwhile, Aragorn had made his way over to Boromir, who was sat in solitary with his head pointed towards the ground.

“Take some rest; these borders are well protected.”

“I will find no rest here.” Boromir declared. That caught your attention. You frowned, walking over to him, sitting beside him with a small smile ghosting over your lips. He let out a shaky breath. “I heard her voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, ‘even now, there is hope left’. But I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope.” Tears pooled in your eyes listening to him and you sighed silently, hugging his torso whilst he placed his arm around your shoulders.

“My father is a noble man, but his rule is failing. And our—our people lose faith. He looks to me to make things right, and I would do it. I would see the glory of Gondor restored.” His lips tugged up gently at the edges. “Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?” It was not until that moment that you truly noticed how much you missed home. A few tears strayed from your eyes, racing down your face. You closed your eyes, leaning into Boromir’s side, sniffling quietly.

“I have seen the White City… Long ago.”

“One day, our paths will lead us there. And the tower guard shall take up the call – the Lords of Gondor have returned.” He smiled, turning to you to wipe the tears from your face before you pulled him into a hug. What he had said had terrified you. The fall of Gondor. Your home. And would any be there to save it? Or would people rather see it perish? After all, Denethor was completely useless and never aided those in need, so why would any come to Gondor’s need?

You stood, wiping your face with a small sniffle. Sighing, you walked away from the others, ambling off to wherever you could be on your own for a while. You took a seat on a flat tree root in a secluded area, trying to process the information about Gondor. You were so engrossed in your thoughts that you had not noticed the presence of another. As someone cleared their throat, you looked up, startled.

“Haldir. Forgive me I was—”

“Lost in your own mind?” He offered you a small smile.

“Exactly.” You chuckled. “It’s beautiful here, truly.” He stayed silent, taking a seat beside you. “It is strangely familiar to me.”

“Strange?” He questioned, tilting his head in confusion.

“Like I came here once in a dream.”

“Like a distant memory.”

“Exactly.” You smiled. Haldir watched you curiously, but with a knowing look spread across his face. As you turned to look at him, a realisation dawned upon you, and you found yourself repeating his words, “a distant memory…” He nodded once before standing, looking down at you.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” And with that, he was gone.

~~~

You had not slept very much during the night; you hoped that the next few nights would be better for you. The morning came around fast though, and soon enough everyone was awake and breakfasting. Not being particularly hungry, you only had a small breakfast. If it were up to you, you would not have eaten at all, but you did not want Sam to worry. Pippin and Merry were clamouring persistently to Boromir about how they wanted to practice. You watched them for a while, giggling at their stupidity before Aragorn sat beside you.

“Where did you wander off to last night?”

“I just wanted to be alone. A lot has happened in the last week; it all caught up to me.”

“You’re alright, Y/N.” He gently clapped you on the shoulder and you smiled at him, though tears gathered in your eyes.

“It is where I grew up, for the most part. I do not want to see it fall. And I’m afraid I won’t be able to help the way I want.” A stray tear fell down your face and Aragorn gently wiped it away with the pad of his thumb before he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “Forgive me, I do not wish to be so emotional.”

“It happens to the best of us, mellon nin.” He gave you a smile which you gladly returned. “There’s that beautiful smile.”

Legolas watched the two of you, his brows furrowed together, that strange feeling pulsing through him again. Aragorn’s right, he thought. Her smile is beautiful. His eyes were fixed on you while you spoke to Sam and Frodo, so focused that he did not realise Aragorn was now stood behind him, leaning into his ear.

“You’re staring, Legolas.” He whispered, the elf’s blonde hair moving from Aragorn’s breath.

“No. I am merely watching.” Legolas denied, earning a chuckle from Aragorn.

“Whatever you say, mellon.” Aragorn strode away, a grin plastered on his face. A gentle blush dusted over the elf’s cheeks, something rather noticeable that stood out from his pale complexion. He tore his eyes away from you, instead joining Boromir and Gimli to train the hobbits.

“My old gaffer might just faint if he ever saw a place like this. Got a thing for pretty places, he has. Makes sense, him being a gardener. He’d love it here.” Sam noticed your vacant expression while he spoke and frowned, gently touching your hand. “Y/N, are you alright?”

“Oh, yes, I—I’m fine. Forgive me.” You gave him a smile, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

“What about your parents, Y/N? What are they like?” Frodo asked.

“My parents died when I was very young. I don’t really remember them.” Their faces dropped immediately and opened their mouths to apologise but you chuckled, waving them off. “Don’t apologise; you did not know.”

A small smile ghosted over Frodo’s lips. “My parents died when I was young, too, in a boating accident.”

“I’m sorry, Frodo.” You offered your condolences while he shook his head.

“That’s alright; It was an accident.”

“You really are a pair of remarkable hobbits.”

~~~

You jolted awake with a breath tearing from your throat. Frantically, you scanned the area, your hand automatically reaching for your knives on your belt – only they were not there. It was at that moment that you remembered that you were still in the comforts of Lothlorien. Something compelled you to make sure that all of your companions were still beside you and you counted as you gazed around at them.

“Y/N?” A soft, calming voice called out to you amongst the darkness.

“Yes?” You responded quietly, shivering slightly.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?” The voice asked. You sighed at that.

“Just a bad dream.” It was an awful dream. Much like Frodo’s if you were honest. You did not want to think about it too much; you feared you might get emotional. The figure that had the voice stood and held his hand out to you. You took it, standing, and he led you a little away from the rest of the Fellowship.

As it became lighter, you could see the face of whomever had spoken to you. If you were honest, you were so drained from the dream that you had not distinguished who the voice belonged to. But, as the space got brighter, you could just make out the perfect contours of the face, the small curve on the lips, the concerned blue eyes that studied your face, the long blonde hair that gracefully fell over the broad shoulders.

“You were struggling in your sleep. I was worried for you.” He admitted, his voice seeming to get softer by the minute.

“Did I wake you? Forgive me I—”

“Do not worry, mellon nin; you did not wake me.” A small smile fell over his lips before his eyes filled with concern once again. “What were you dreaming of?” Legolas noticed the way that you squirmed at his question and furrowed his brows in response.

“Nothing important; I will be fine. But I appreciate your concern, Legolas.”

“Y/N, do not lie to me; you have no talent for it.” You smiled sheepishly. “You need not tell me, but I saw the way that you tossed and turned and the look of terror on your face. You were mumbling, incoherently, but you sounded terrified.”

“Everything seems so real now. It has finally seemed to sink in that Gandalf is gone and… It reminded me of my parents.” You sat down, your back flush against a tree trunk. “In my dream, everyone met the same fate, Gandalf’s fate. I was alone again.” Tears began to form in your eyes, your lip started to quiver. Legolas frowned, kneeling beside you before he gently tugged your chest against his, wrapping his arms around you protectively.

“Y/N, I will be with you for as long as you wish for me to be. You won’t ever be alone again.” He felt a terrible ache in his chest when you looked up at him, your arms still wrapped around his torso, your eyes puffy and a few wet streams leaking down your cheeks.

You gave him a weak smile, sniffling. “Do you promise?” He nodded. “Say it.”

“I promise.” He took a seat beside you after pulling away from the hug, a small distance between the two of you. After a long – yet comfortable – silence, you let out a sigh before moving closer to him, leaning into his body. You rested your head on his shoulder platonically, but Legolas could not escape the increasing beating of his heart when your leg touched his. He gently rested his head on top of yours, wondering what you were thinking about. Then, as if out of the blue – though it wasn’t really – you asked him a question.

“Have you ever been in love, Legolas? Have you ever loved someone so much to the point where it hurt?” Your voice faltered as you spoke, and the elf sighed silently. You could feel his breath shifting your hair.

“Once.”

“What was her name?”

“How did you know—”

“I can tell.” You looked up at him. “Your demeanour changed when I asked the question. Come, tell me about her.”

He did not know why, but he did. “Her name was Tauriel. She was the captain of the Elven guard of the Woodland Realm.”

“Was?” You questioned his use of the past. “What happened to her?”

“I do not know.” He let out a deep sigh and you frowned, wishing you had never asked for it was clearly a sensitive subject for him. “She did not believe herself worthy of me. Instead, she fell in love with a dwarf. Only, he died during a battle. I could not return to the Woodland Realm; my father gave me knowledge of Aragorn, and so I went to find him. I do not know what happened to her.”

“Forgive me, Legolas. I did not mean to upset you.” He shook his head at you, and you smiled, shifting a little closer to him to comfort him. He chuckled lightly as you wrapped your arms around him.

Back over by the others, Aragorn had awoken, but he did not move. Instead, he rolled over for he could hear familiar voices whispering behind him. As he turned, with a stealthy eye open, he watched you and Legolas sit together, a knowing smirk growing on his face.

~~~

The morning came quick, after you and Legolas had spoke about your lives all night and gotten a few quick hours of sleep before the others had awoken from their dreams. It was the last day that you would spend at Lothlorien, for you must all be getting a move on, and soon; the Ring would not take itself to Mount Doom. Since it was to be your last day in the comforts of the Lady of the Wood, she had asked to see all of you.

When the nine of you presented yourselves to her, she gifted each of you and Elven cloak, paired with a green brooch as a clasp. She named them the Leaves of Lorien. The Elven cloaks had been woven by Galadriel herself. They could not deflect a shaft or blade but instead, they could act as camouflage to unfriendly eyes. When you put it on, it was light and very agile. It was difficult to tell that you were even wearing a cloak. She explained that they would be warm or cool as needed. Then, she wished you all luck on your journey, and the nine of you quickly returned to the camp to begin packing for the day ahead; setting out early was important to travel as much as possible while it was still light.

Back at the camp, you all breakfasted. You made sure that the hobbits had taken enough before you started to pick at your own food. Aragorn wandered over to where you sat, perching himself beside you, a bowl in his hand, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

“What are you so amused by?” You paused chewing to ask, swallowing the remainder of the food in your mouth afterwards. A chuckle escaped him, and he turned to look at you.

“What is going on between you and Legolas?” His questioned startled you. You coughed profusely, trying to rid of the piece of food that lodged in your throat.

“What do you mean?”

“I happened to wake up last night, and…”

“And, what? You were spying on us?” You quirked your eyebrow cheekily, the hint of a grin on your lips. Aragorn grinned.

“And,” he lowered his voice. “I saw the two of you sitting together.”

“So? Is sitting together such a crime, Aragorn?” You shared a laugh with him. “Since you are so curious, I’ll tell you. The truth is, I was upset, and he comforted me. Then we spoke about life.” Aragorn raised his eyebrows, unsure if you were telling the truth or not. You giggled. “Have I ever lied to you, Aragorn?”

“No, I suppose not. My mistake. Forgive me, I thought something more might have been going on.”

“Well, I hate to disappoint, but nothing more is going on. He is kind, but we are friends, that is all.” Aragorn nodded at your words, then left you to sit in peace while you ate. He kept a close eye on you from afar, watching until you were distracted by the hobbits and by Boromir until he made his way to Legolas.

“Y/N looks nice today, don’t you think, Legolas?”

“Do not think I’m unaware of what you’re doing, Aragorn.” Legolas said with a scowl. Aragorn chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Alright. Though, you do seem very fond of her.”

“What’s not to be fond of? She’s kind, funny, a good fighter, she takes care of the hobbits.” A pink blush dusted over his cheeks. “She’s beautiful…”

“Legolas.” The ranger smirked. “Mellon nin, are you falling for Y/N?”

“Lower your voice, Aragorn.” Legolas urged, the blush growing on his face. Legolas wouldn’t say he was falling for you. He thought you were pretty, very pretty, and he enjoyed your company, but that does not mean that he liked you like that. His heart raced when you were close to him, and even harder when you touched. He hated to see you upset, loved to see you smile and laugh, although he preferred to be the one to make you smile. But none of that meant that he was falling for you, did it? He didn’t think so.

But as his eyes fell over you now, he could not help but feel that maybe, just maybe, that Aragorn was right. He watched your lips part and turn up into a smile, a hearty laugh drawing from your throat at something that Merry had said. Aragorn did not miss the smile that grew on Legolas’ face whilst he watched you, a longing, loving look in his blue eyes. All the ranger could do was smile at the elf and chuckle to himself, before finishing his food and continuing to pack what will be needed for when the journey resumes at dawn. Until then, the nine of you decided that you would appreciate the comforts of Lothlorien once more.

Time seemed to pass very quickly, and as fast as the morning had come, the night came. You and Aragorn were still awake, sitting beside each other, sharing his pipe, giggling about old times. You let out a contented sigh and he opened his arm for you to shift into him. As you did so, he plucked the pipe from your fingers and stuck it between his lips. You chuckled at him before sighing again.

“What’s wrong, mellon nin?” He said, the pipe bobbing in his mouth as he spoke.

“I have yet to find out what this place means to me, and we are already leaving.”

Aragorn sighed. “Y/N, you were born here.” Your eyes widened in shock.

“What?”

“Your mother and father lived in Lothlorien; that is why you recognise this place.”

“How do you know this?” You asked. You need not ask if Aragorn was telling the truth; he knew how much this meant to you.

“Haldir. He and your father were good friends. He wanted to tell you himself.”

“Why didn’t he?”

“He thought it would be better to come from a friend.” He offered you a smile and you smiled softly, relief lifting a huge weight from your shoulders. Returning the favour, you plucked the pipe from his lips and placed it between your own. “You’re not angry?”

You shook your head, blowing out some smoke. “Why would I be?” Aragorn shrugged and you chuckled, resting your head on his shoulder. He gently pressed his head against yours and before you knew it, your eyes were fluttering closed and you were drifting off to a sound sleep.

taglist: @entishramblings @falcor-thee-luck-dragon @biscuit-buddy @beakami

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sophwrites00 · 3 years

Text

Snowed in (FINAL)

Once the ambulance got to Y/N's house hank let her go and called the team then rode with them to the hospital as the team started working the case

Y/N got out of surgery and Will walked up to Hank who had his head in his hand

"Hank" will said causing him to look up

"She was touch and go for a while but she's okay we had to put her in a medically induced coma because the bullet was too close to her spinal cord and it's too risky for her to move" he then stated and Hank just nodded

"Can I see her" he simply said and will nodded showing him to her room

"Try talking to her" will stated before walking away

Hank slowly walked into the room, he just got her and he wasn't ready to lose her so he sat next to her and held her hand

Hank looked up at her she had tubes breathing for her, wires and iv's all over, it made his heart ache

Three weeks later

Hank had stayed with Y/N the whole time he only left when someone else from the team came to stay with her but even then he was back no less than 4 hours later to sit with her

The team found the guy who did it about 3 days after Y/N was shot and she still hadn't waken up yet so now the team were all sitting around her bed in her room

With people from 51 and Ned stopping by every chance they got

Most of the team were asleep it was nearly 3 AM Hanks as awake talking with Al and Antonio when Antonio seen Y/N's eyes flutter which caused him to sit up more and grab her hand Hank seen this and looked to see her starting to wake up

Al ran out the room and came back with will and April

Y/N started coughing because of the tube in her through

"Hey hun breath for me we're gonna get that out of you" April said calmly as will ushered everyone but hank out of the room

Y/N coughed as April pulled the tube out and then came the questions

"Y/N can you hear me" will asked shining a light into her eyes and as the team slowly started coming back into the room

"Ja, kann ich etwas Wasser bekommen?" (Yes, can I get some water) She said horsely

"Y/N" will asked

"Welcher" (what) she said

"Y/N" Kim said

"Kannst du Englisch sprechen?" She asked y/n looked confused

"Du sprichst Deutsch" (your speaking German) Kim said after a minute

"Translation please" Adam said after everyone just stood and watched

"She's speaking German, I remember she once said her and all her brothers went to German preschool" Kim said and Y/N nodded

"Ich wusste nicht, dass ich Deutsch sprechen kann" said Y/N "Kim Wasser" Y/N added

"Oh sorry" she said moving to grab Y/n water

"Since when did she learn to speak German" Adam asked

"She didn't she knows French and polish I know German" Kim said handing the cup to Y/N

"Danke" (thanks) Y/N said

"Alright well this is normal this can happen after general anesthesia it does go away after a few hours maybe days, Y/N try to get some rest, everyone else out" Will said as he moved out the room

Everyone said goodbye and Hank stayed behind

"You scared me" Hank said and he saw as her face softened y/n had went to talk but then remembered she was speaking German and motioned for something

"What" Hank asked

"Der Kugelschreiber" (pen) she said causing hank to start laughing cause it was basically gibberish

"Go to sleep I'm not going any where" he said as she glared at him then smiled

He kissed the top of her head and pulled his chair closer to her

He held her hand while she slept

A few days later

Y/N had been sleeping all day she was exhausted and the team were all there being them selves as usual

Adam and Jay were arguing about some this and it woke Y/N up

"Shut the hell up" Y/N said

"Sorry" Adam and Jay said looking back at her twice before everyone pipped up

"Y/N" Hank said

"What" she said

"I'll get will" Jay said

After a minute jay walked in with Will

"Y/N do you know where you are" Will asked

"Yes now would you get that dumbass light outta my face" she said swatting his hand away

"Okay she's back to normal" Kim said causing everyone to smile

"Alright I think we can discharge you tonight if you would like" Will said

"God yes they are starting to piss me off" Y/N said sitting up causing everyone to laugh

"Okay well I'll let you get dressed and start getting everything set for you to go" Will said smiling then walked out with everyone else

Y/N dressed in black leggings a grey tank top and pulled her favorite sweat shirt on over her tank top once she was finished she sat on the bed and pulled on her socks and avoided her shoes for now

Once she was done she heard a knock on the door

"Come in" she called and in walked Will and Hank

"Looks like everything is set and you can go home" Will stated as he pushed a wheel chair into the room

"Is that nessacceary" y/n complained

"Yep" he said as she huffed and as hank helped her into the chair

Hank and y/n walked/wheeled out of the hospital together

"Hey you can stay with me Iv you want" he said as they got to his car and y/n simply just nodded as she got i it the car

As they drove back to Hank place it started to snow and hank watched as y/n smiled

He brought his hand over the (thing in the middle of the driver and passenger seat idk wtf it's called) and grabbed her hand they held hand for the whole car ride and when they got back to hank place he helped her inside and brought her bag in

"We can go sometime this week to grab some of your clothes" hank said as he sat next to her on the couch he seen she was hesitant before nodding

"Hey" he said gently tilting her head to look at him

"I promise I won't let anything else happen to you" he said before leaning down and kissing her slowly ( I said 🥺... I'm sorry TikTok jokes)

Hank felt as she started kissing back then as she shifted to be sat straddling his lap the kiss got heated, fast

Hank let his hands roam her body before resting on her waist just above her ass they pulled away longing for air

Hank pulled her closer to him and she laid her head on his shoulder and moved so that she was sitting on his lap

They stayed like this for the rest of the night and she loved it

A month later

Y/N was back at work and happier than ever she had an amazing group of friends and amazing boyfriend and a wonderfully eventful job but over all she was finally happy

The end

——————————————————————

@capstopavenger @nocturnalherb16

Please send request for more story on any one Chicago characters! Thanks for the support sorry for the late post been busy❤️

#hank voight x reader #hank voight imagines #hank voight #one chicago #chicago med #chicago fire #adam ruzek #kim burgess #antonio dawson #trudy platt

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schrijverr · 3 years

Text

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 3 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: grief and mentions of unhealthy coping, terminal illness and death.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3: Virginian Spiderwort Means ‘Momentary Happiness’

“Eat lunch,” a sandwich along with a muffin and coffee was dropped on Alex’s desk, who jumped slightly in his seat and looked up.

“What?” he asked dumbly.

Thomas rolled his eyes: “You’ve been at it since six, I don’t even know why you were in that early that’s ridiculous, who comes in that early on a Thursday? And I haven’t seen you leave once. You need to eat, so eat, dumbass.”

“How do you know I started at six?”Alex asked.

“I didn’t, you send me an email around then, so I made a guess and you just confirmed it,” Thomas shrugged, ignoring Alex’s squawk, “Now eat.”

Alex picked up the lunch and started eating, while Thomas dropped into the chair opposite of him and watched him, sipping his own coffee.

“You’re just gonna sit there and watch me the entire time? Where is your lunch?”

“Already ate it and yes,” Thomas answered, “I know how this goes, you’ll come up with a good sentence and stop eating to write it down and then it’s a few hours later.”

Alex looked guilty and chastised, so he closed his laptop, which he had been staring at, and focused on Thomas: “So, how have you been?”

“That’s so awkward, I feel bad for us both,” Thomas cringed.

“Well, I’m sorry that I am not a great conversationalist,” Alex threw up his hands in defeat.

“According to Angie you are,” Thomas immediately regretted it, he didn’t want Alex to know he and Angelica talked about him.

“Yeah, but most of the time people I’m talking to aren’t you.” Fuck, was that too revealing? Did Thomas know he was struggling, because of stupid feelings?

“I’m sorry my face upsets you,” Thomas rolled his eyes, misinterpretingthe comment“Anyway, how did you get in so at six, I’m pretty sure schools don’t start that early. Where did you put Philip?”

“Oh, Pip is with Eliza and Maria for the week,” he said, “Eliza is so busy after the opening of the orphanage and they thought having a kid comfortable with them there would help the others get out of their shell and Pip had missed his Aunties. He’s staying till Wednesday.”

“And you decided that working abnormal amounts was smart when you got a bit of a break from your usual responsibilities?” Thomas judged, not so silently.

Alex grinned sheepishly and shrugged: “It’s what I do best, but I’m not being a complete dumbass, I leave a a somewhat normal time, I swear.”

“Hmmh.”

“I’m serious, I promised Angie I’d leave each day before six and she checks, it’s terrifying,” Alex shuddered and Thomas laughed: “Hear, hear.”

After that Alex quickly ate his lunch while they talked about the latest meeting, which lead to Alex complaining about Lee and Adams and how they could go fuck themselves.

When his lunch had completely disappeared, Thomas got up to leave. Before he could, however, Alex called out: “Hey, Thomas?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again. For, you know, checking up on me,” he said awkwardly, “If you, like, ever need help or something, call me, okay?”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Thomas promised, not thinking the day he would take Alex up on it would come anytime soon.

He was wrong in that assessment, because that Monday he called Alex, hands shaking and eyes blurry.

“Thomas? What is it? I’m already at work.” Of course he was, it was only 6:15 in the morning, who wouldn’t be at work at that time.

“Can you-” a shuddery sigh that he hated, “Can you tell Wash- Washington that I’m not coming- coming in today?” he asked.

“God, Thomas, are you alright?” the worry was evident in Alex’s tone.

“Not really,” Thomas sounded small, “I didn’t want to bother you, but Jemmy is away and I normally can handle this stuff, but it was all unexpected and now I’m here on my fucking kitchen floor calling you. Fuck.”

“I’m coming to you.” Alex said.

“You don’t need to-”

“Yes, I do. Come on, I’m not leaving you like that. You’re getting a motherfucking patented Hamilton hug, live with it,” Alex told him, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, hang in there.”

“…Okay,” the line went dead.

Alex hurried to Washington’s office, for once grateful that the man liked to come in early on Monday’s to ‘kick off the week right’ or whatever.

“Come in.”

“Sir, I’m taking the day off,” Alex burst in, “Thomas is not coming in either, he just called me. I thought, I’d let you know.”

Washington looked surprised: “You and Thomas…?” he trailed off curiously.

“Nothing like that, sir,” sadly enough, he added mentally, “He helped me out in a rough spot and I’m returning the favor. We found we had something in common.”

“Well, then go. An honest man always returns his favors, son,” Washington shooed him out of the office.

“Not your son and thank you, sir,” Alex said gratefully, before rushing off.

The drive to Thomas’s, admittedly very impressive, house took about thirty minutes and Alex was out the car and on the driveway immediately as he practically ran to the door and knocked: “Hey, hey, Thomas. It’s me, open up.”

After a moment the door swung open, revealing a Thomas Alex had never seen before.

He was in sweatpants and a loose tank top, his eyes were red-rimmed and his hair a mess. But above all, he looked small, hunched in on himself and lacking the confidence and arrogance that usually clung to him like a second skin.

Alex didn’t waste a second gathering him up into his arms. It wasn’t as comforting as it could have been because Thomas was a fucking giant and therefore could not fit into Alex’s arms completely, but that didn’t stop him from trying.

Thomas clung to him tightly, chocked off sobs being ripped out of his chest as he cried.

They just stood there in the door opening. Alex couldn't really move Thomas around like the other had done him, so he just had to wait.

“Sorry,” Thomas said after a while, his voice raw as he broke away.

“No sorry, not today, okay?” Alex told him, “Now, why don’t we set you down on the couch, yeah? It’s more comfy and definitely better than the porch.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Thomas agreed and numbly walked over to a living room, Alex trailing behind him.

Thomas collapsed on the couch, looking like a miserable heap and Alex had to pause and think of a plan of attack. He’d been a Lieutenant Colonel, he could do this. First, he needed to know the situation.

He sat down next to Thomas: “Hey, dude, can you tell me what happened? You said it was unexpected, what hit you out of nowhere?”

“Phone,” Thomas gestured vaguely to the kitchen, then didn’t elaborate beyond a, “Got an email.”

Okay, not much information, but a lead.

Alex went to the kitchen, there was an uneaten bowl of soggy cereal on the counter and a phone on the floor. He threw the cereal away and toasted some bread before he picked up the phone and read the start of the email:

My dearest, Thomas

I hope the future finds you well. Yes, the future! I found this site in which you can write emails that will be send 10 years later, so I do hope you’re still using the same email address or this will be awkward.

You may be wondering why today? It’s not a particular date for us, but I’m writing you this email because I know I won’t be there when you read it.

I had another attack today, but you know that of course, though maybe you’ve forgotten all the attacks through the years. We’ve been doing this for over three years already and I know I have not been writing the dates down.

But none of that now, this was supposed to be a pick-you-up, because I love you, dearest.

Alex stopped reading, this was not for his eyes. He quickly did the math. Thomas had said she’d died seven years ago, this was written ten years ago, so they still had three years together at this point.

God, he couldn't imagine what it was like to know your lover was dying and you could do nothing to stop it, just prepare for the inevitable.

The toast popped out the toaster and Alex locked the phone, before putting the toast on a plate and getting a glass of water. He walked back to the living room and handed Thomas the food as he gently said: “Come on, you can’t be sad on an empty stomach.”

That got a small amused huff from the Virginian, which Alex counted as a win.

He ate slowly and in silence and Alex just waited for him to gather himself. This was not a date on where you expected the missing to hit, there were no fun rituals – like on a birthday – to keep or something to celebrate or commemorate.

Just sadness.

Sudden sadness.

Alex looked at Thomas, who softly chewed on his toast. He didn’t think dragging Thomas outside today would be good for him. He needed time to process the message, to think of what his late wife wanted him to know for when she wasn’t there.

He now regretted not reading the rest of the message, just so that he could have a grip on Thomas’s thoughts, but he knew it had been the right thing to do.

When the plate was empty and the glass gone, Alex announced: “Okay, we’re having a sad couch day, but you need to tell me how to operate your TV and where you keep blankets, because you need a blanket nest to be sad in, alright.”

Thomas blinked at him owlishly for a moment, then shook his head with muted amusement and whispered: “TV is just normal and there is a guestroom, second door upstairs, I keep the blankets there.”

“Good,” Alex got up, “Are you alright for a moment?”

The other only nodded. Alex didn’t like how quiet Thomas was. He might not be the loudest person, but there would always be a presence hanging around him that made him feel like the loudest person in the room and that was now completely gone.

Alex rushed through the house, dropping of the plate and glass in the kitchen and putting on the kettle, before taking the stairs two steps at a time.

At times like these he was happy he had top surgery, because catching your breath with a binder on fucking sucked and running overall was a bad idea.

The guest room was less extravagant than he’d expected. It was decked out for comfort and stylish, but it wasn’t over the top. Actually the whole house was more stylish than expensive just for the sake of being expensive, something Alex hadn’t realized before.

Of course, the only befores there had been were company parties that Thomas had offered to host wherein he showed off on purpose.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen pictures during those parties either.

He grabbed the blankets and some pillows from the guest room and went back downstairs carefully, he didn’t want to trip or drop the blankets, but he also just wanted to be nosy.

The walls were still void of pictures.

It tugged at Alex’s heart, his own walls had been bare before he’d met John and all his other friends and they’d filled it up over the years of happy moments, but Thomas had nothing. Though he didn’t have time to dwell on it now, he had more important matters to attend to.

Thomas was still in the same position he’d left him in, staring at the still turned off TV. Alex dropped the blankets on the floor, only scooping one out of the pile to drape over Thomas’s shoulders, before finishing the tea.

How strange, he mused as he made the tea, me and Thomas are neither tea drinkers, except on days like these, except with each other.

He walked back to Thomas and handed him the mug, relieved when the other took it gratefully and let the steam warm his face as he burrowed into the blanket slightly.

Alex was still concerned about the hunched over position, which was rich coming from him, he knew, but getting lost in work and fucking up your posture was different than getting lost in grief and fucking up your posture.

So, he gently pushed Thomas back into the pillow of the couch and Thomas went easily. For all the man could fight him on every little thing at work, he wasn’t putting up a fight now and Alex was glad for that fact, even if it was slightly disturbing.

Taking the blankets, he draped them over Thomas and himself after he’d grabbed the remote and put on a nature documentary.

Thomas gave him a bemused look and Alex was never more relieved that Thomas was judging him, anything was better than that empty look in those usually lively eyes.

“It’s soothing,” he shrugged, “and low effort.”

“Fair,” Thomas nodded, his voice hoarse and raw, making Alex regret not putting honey into his tea, because it sounded like it hurt.

They sat in silence as they watched a frog hop over a leaf while the narrator told them slightly horrifying facts about the creature in a monotone voice.

After about an hour of animal facts and nature relations, Thomas spoke up: “She asked me if I had any kids yet.”

Alex looked up, but didn’t speak, just let Thomas figure it out.

“We wanted kids, I think maybe me more than her to be honest, though she loved being an aunt,” he went on, “But with her condition, well, pregnancy was just too risky and when we knew just how serious it was… Neither of us wanted to make an adopted child go through losing a parent again, so we never had kids.”

He took a shuddery breath: “And then she asked if I had them, she hoped I found that and I don’t know-”

Tears were falling again and without thinking Alex pulled Thomas into his side and Thomas didn’t protest as he burrowed his head closer. He whispered: “I always knew she wanted me to move on from her, live a good life, but hearing it again after having time to process her being gone. It’s- it’s different.”

Alex just ran a soothing hand over Thomas’s back as he thought about that. After a second he slowly said: “Knowing and accepting are different things and sometimes one is harder than the other.”

Thomas mulled over his words, then said: “Well, I hate accepting.”

He didn’t tell Thomas that moving on was good, that it was healthy. Both of them knew that well enough, they must have heard it a thousand times from concerned friends. It was always meant well, but sometimes you just didn’t want to hear it, not in moments like these.

“She told me she had something to say to me, but she didn’t know what just yet and that she had to think about it and tell me when she figured it out, because she still had time,” Thomas broke the silence again.

“That- that must be hard to read,” Alex told him.

The other nodded into his side, then said: “I think I know what it is though…”

“Do you want to share?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, she- I never realized this, but she started telling me how I would do great things and I better have a picture of her with me so that she could see it. I keep her in my wallet. I always thought she meant in the world. Big responsibility to have on my shoulders, but I tried. For her.”

Thomas fiddled with the blanket, he wasn’t looking at Alex, but he seemed content to curl up in the shorter man’s side.

“But I’m suddenly startingto think that’s not what she meant,” the words sounded small and Alex’s chest constricted painfully. He didn’t know how he would react if something he’d believed about John for years would be ripped out from under him one day without warning.

“What do you think she meant?” he asked, trying to keep Thomas talking, maybe if he said it out loud it would make more sense than when it swirled around in his head.

“I- I think she meant that I would- ugh- it’s- you had to-”

“Take your time.”

“She was always telling me about the great things in life, but she loved The Lord of the Rings, those books and movieskept her company throughout all the hospital visits. Her favorite quote was: ‘Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that’s not what I found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay’,” he explained.

There was a moment of silence in which Thomas hesitated.

“It might be stupid, but I think she subconsciously absorbed that. That for her the great things were the small things,” Thomas said, “I once took her on a simple picnic and she said it was the greatest day of her life.”

Alex nodded along, he could already see where this was going, but he let Thomas set the pace of the conversation.

“I think she meant that I would get to do all the little things that made life great, have all the milestones we never got to have, but she phrased it in her own Martha-esque way,” there was a smile in his voice as he said that.

“Did she always have her own way of saying things?” Alex asked, hoping to keep whatever was bringing that smile to Thomas’s face going.

“Yeah,” a success, “she read a lot and she listened to a lot of music. She played guitar, wrote her own lyrics too. She was great with words, much better than me. I think she just consumed so many ways people expressed themselves through words that she had her own dialect. It was completely English, but just slightly different. It’s hard to explain.”

“I get it,” Alex assured him, “She sounds wonderful.”

“Oh, you would have liked her,” Thomas said, sounding strangely proud of that fact, “She took the time to make fun of my magenta suits in her email to me,” Alex snorted at that, “And you both take no shit and it’s easy to talk to you.”

Alex was shocked at that, no one told him he was easy to talk to. He had opinions and would let you know immediately, making you debate if you disagreed with him. Sure, he could be charming, but he made you think when you talked. It wasn’t easy.

He said nothing.

“Apparently she wrote it while I was next to her,” Thomas suddenly said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was asleep in a chair. It was after one of her attacks, I think I remember this one, because it suddenly got way more serious after that, it was the heaviest we had in months,” his voice trailed off into a whisper, “We’d thought she was doing better.”

God, Alex couldn't imagine and that voice felt like a punch in the gut, his arm reflectively tightening around Thomas.

“Fuck, in the email she said she still has time,” Thomas breathed, “I know it was still a while after that before she- she died, but- God, it fucking hurts, Alex. We knew we didn’t have forever, but reaching thirty would have been fucking nice.”

There was that all familiar anger at what could have been if faith hadn’t decided to be so cruel. Alex knew it oh so well and just watched as Thomas clenched his fist, but didn’t get up. The anger drained out of him almost as quickly as it had come and his heaving breaths turned into sobs.

And if that wasn’t familiar as well.

Alex quickly brought up the other arm and pulled Thomas into a hug. They were cocooned in blankets and cuddling on the couch and it should be weird, but it just wasn’t.

It seemed Thomas was done talking now, because he stayed silent as the time dragged on. Once Alex realized he wasn’t going to talk, he started humming. Alex had never done well with quiet, though he didn’t mind that much, but he more thought it would nice for Thomas to have something other than his thoughts to focus on.

They sat there until their stomachs decided it really was time for lunch. Alex offered to make it so that Thomas could stay seated, but while Thomas gratefully accepted his offer to make lunch, he followed him into his kitchen and sat at the table.

His eyes fell on the phone that Alex had left on the counter when he had made them tea. His fingers twitched, but he didn’t move any further than that, conflicted look on his face. Alex let him figure it out on his own and just focused on making French toast.

In the end he picked up the phone and stared at it for a moment, before putting it down on the table, screen down.

He pushed the French toast around his plate for a while, Alex didn’t say a thing, just watched him patiently. If Thomas didn’t want to eat that would be bad, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world for just a day.

It might be bad for Alex to let Thomas indulge in bad habits, but he promised himself he would make sure it was a one of thing. He managed to make sure Philip ate and slept enough despite his own inability to take care of himself, he could do the same for Thomas.

Thomas ate a few bites, it was hard to pretend to care about food right now, but Alex had tried and he knew Martha would hate him neglecting himself.

God, Martha and her stupid- No, he couldn't think that, she meant so well, but it just hurt. She should have told him.

Though that might have been worse.

He looked at his phone again, uncertainty creeping in. Would Alex think it was a bad idea to read the email again? He just wanted to know if he hadn’t imagined it. He hadn’t really committed it to his memory like all her other writings through the tears, but he doubted he would be able to read it without crying all over again.

An idea suddenly came to mind. It was a stupid idea, but Alex had seen him suggest multiple stupid ideas so it wasn’t anything new.

“Can you read it to me?” the words were out before he even realized.

“What?”

“The email,” he clarified, “Can you read it to me?”

“You’d want that?” Alex seemed unsure and Thomas could feel the doubt creeping in.

He shook it off, he’d made up his mind: “Yes, I just want to know the whole thing, but I can’t really read it, because I’ll start crying, so you have to.”

Alex hesitated for a moment: “Alright, if you’re sure…”

“I am.” Thomas unlocked the phone and handed it to Alex, trying to ignore how his hand shook slightly.

After a deep breath, Alex started:

“My dearest, Thomas

You may be wondering why today? It’s not a particular date for us, but I’m writing you this email because I know I won’t be there when you read it.

But none of that now, this was supposed to be a pick-you-up, because I love you, dearest.

I know I tell you all the time, but maybe you haven’t heard this in a while by now, so I’m telling you again. I love you so incredibly much and you deserve all the love in the world and I hope you have someone to remind you.

It might seem strange for your wife to hope you have found love again, but I truly do hope you went on to live a happy life with people who love you and make you happy.

God, maybe you’ll have kids.

If you do, tell them that their Aunt Martha is watching over them from the stars. I promise to guide their little feet home to you safely and sing them lullabies when they’re having a nightmare, just a song between them and the moon.

I don’t want my passing to be the end for you. I have seen your soul and I know there is so much in store for you, I just can’t place my finger on what, but I still have time to figure it out and I’ll tell you when I do.

Now that I’m writing this, I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I thought I would have a hundred pages ready for you, but I don’t.

You know that moment when you have dinner with someone, but you’ve been with each other the whole day, so you can’t ask them how their day has been? It’s kind of like that.

I have seen you the entire day today and if I hadn’t I can tell you in person in a bit, but by the time you’re reading this, you’ve had time to make new memories without me and you can only tell them to my grave or my picture.

This is so morbid. Sorry, dearest.

I could take more time to think about what I want to write you, but I have this strong urge to finish it now. It’s almost like I’m running out of time. I am, in a way. But I still have tomorrow, the doctors said I’ll make it through the night with no problem and I’ll be discharged tomorrow. They say I have a good chance at a few more years and by God I hope they’re right.

It’s ironic how you’re asleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair by my side as I’m writing this.

You stress too much. It makes you look old. I know I’ve always joked about you being an old man, but you don’t have to make it a reality by aging from the stress.

I hope the creases by your eyes become more pronounced than the ones on your forehead. I hope so many things for you and I hate that I can never give you all the care you’ve given me.

You’re a good man, Thomas. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I know you worry. You worry too much, just like the stress. Just promise me you won’t give in to all the doubt you create for yourself. Appearances aren’t everything, I know you care about style (the magenta suits are really taking it a bit too far, you are lucky I love you, you ridiculous man), but try comfort every once in a while as well, okay?

Now, I’m sounding like my mother, God this whole email has gotten out of hand…

Not that I had much of a plan to start with. I saw this and just had to write to you, to tell you how worthy you are and how much I wanted to have a forever with you.

It feels rude in a way to write you like this, you might have moved on, created a new life and I’m disrupting it from beyond, but I know you, Thomas, I know you so well that it hurts sometimes and I also know that you have a hard time letting go.

I hope you have that life we could never have.

I hope you’ve found a job that makes you happy, with a spouse that cares for you and a picket white fence that America tries to sell in every movie with a happy ending.

But I fear that you got stuck on us, on me.

And while I am flattered if that is the case (and not bitter if it isn’t, God I’m so happy for you if I’m wrong, dearest), then I want you to know it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to live.

God, this is one depressing sappy mess.

But we’re both kind of sappy depressing messes, aren’t we? You brought me flowers to the hospital today, you remembered my favorites are Virginian Spiderworts. Did you know they mean ‘momentary happiness’?

Momentary happiness, like I said: depressingly sappy.

I don’t know if I told you the meaning, but it is an interesting bouquet to bring to a hospital bed of someone terminally ill, you know? And I love you for it. Never change, Thomas, never change. Stay my sweet little dork, I beg you. If someone tries to change you, tell em no or I will come beat them up for you.

I will forever protect you, I promise.

I think this is good and if it isn’t you won’t really get to leave a review, so I’ll be safe either way. So, this is it, this is goodbye, for now at least. I still have the luxury of giving you a hug when you wake up and I’m gonna keep doing that till the end.

Stay strong, I love you,

Martha, your beloved wife”

In the end they were both crying and Alex was impressed with himself that he had managed to make it to the end. The email gave him more questions about Thomas, but he it wasn’t really the time to ask about his late wife’s protectiveness.

He cleared his throat after a moment and said: “Martha was amazing.”

That got him a surprised chuckle as Thomas’s breathing started to become more regular. He swallowed and agreed: “God, she was.”

“Tell me more about her,” Alex requested. He remembered how nice it had been to tell Thomas about John and he found himself curious about the woman that had enchanted Thomas.

“She was the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met, and I know Angelica,” Thomas started, Alex let out a small amused huff, “Martha- Martha was the kind of person you had to look at, you know? When she walked into a room, it got brighter.”

Thomas perked up considerably when talking about Martha. He was still slightly curled into himself on the kitchen chair, but he was at least making eye contact with Alex.

“I used to be overly anxious – still am, but I’m managing – and she was always there for me when I needed it. She was a spitfire, she talked when I couldn’t and stood up for me,” Thomas confessed, “I try to embody her when I need to make a presentation.”

Alex was taken aback by it: “I didn’t know you got anxious.”

“It’s better when arguing with you, I have to think too hard on how to counter you to think about stressing,” Thomas tossed out casually, immediately hoping that wasn’t too revealing, he’d already compared the man with Martha once today.

But Alex just smiled happily, though it seemed unconscious to Thomas’s eye.

“Martha never argued with me like you do, though,” Thomas mused trying to save himself, “She would just roll her eyes at me whenever I did something she found unnecessary.”

“Like what?” Alex raised a brow with amusement.

There was probably too much glee in the man’s eyes for the question to be innocent, but Thomas didn’t care: “Well there was one time a lady stopped me on the street and she asked if I did a lot of desk work, which I did, so I said yes. Then she asked me if it made my back hurt-”

“Naturally also yes,” Alex nodded.

“Indeed, so then she asked me if she could touch me and at this point I’m scared, but too far in to say no,” Thomas tells him, “So she just put her hand on my back and starts praying.”

“She blessed you?” Alex sounded delighted and disbelieving.

“Yes and I did not want to be there. So, I was sending Martha ‘come help me, please’-looks, but she just shook her head and watched me. I think she would have stepped in, if she didn’t think it hilarious,” Thomas rolled his eyes fondly, “She always asked me if I felt blessed whenever we visited a church afterwards.”

“That is hilarious,” Alex giggled at the story and Thomas felt a strange sort of pride that he made Alex giggle like that. He’d heard the other laugh before, but never giggle. It was a light sound that eased some of the pain in Thomas’s chest.

He smiled at Alex and admitted: “Maybe in hindsight it was.”

There was a natural pause in their conversation, until Alex asked: “How are you feeling?”

Thomas thought about it for a moment. The ache he’d felt in his chest when he had seen the email that morning had dulled. It was still sharper than on most days, but it didn’t feel as overwhelming and never ending as it had done.

“Better,” he answered honestly.

“That’s good to hear,” Alex said, “Do you want to go back to the couch and watch a movie? This time I’ll even let you pick.”

“Sure,” Thomas agreed easily.

“Great, do you have popcorn or something?” Alex asked, already moving around in his kitchen to check the cabinets, not even waiting for an answer.

“Upper left,” Thomas said after a while of watching Alex struggle to find it.

Alex looked up to the shelf, then back at Thomas, before he huffed: “This is just discrimination against short people.”

Thomas laughed, before getting up to grab the popcorn.

They stayed on the couch for the rest of the day, Thomas leaning into Alex’s side, neither of them caring.

For dinner Thomas made Mac-’N-Cheese and they ate while having a passionate discussion about whether the characters in the horror movie they’d watched had made the right decisions.

When Alex said he was going home, Thomas felt kind of sad about it.

“Goodbye, Alex. I- Thank you. For coming. You didn’t have to do that, but it was nice, so thanks,” he said awkwardly.

“Hey, anytime,” Alex smiled, “Besides, it was the least I could after what you did for me and-” he hesitated, “and you’re actually not that bad of a company now I know you better, so-” he shrugged, “did it with pleasure.”

Thomas smiled, it was genuine and crinkled his eyes in the way Martha had adored. He didn’t know Alex melted at the sight too.

“You’re not that bad either, Alex,” he said softly.

“Well, I see you at work,” Alex cleared his throat and stepped away then he looked back and added, “Don’t come in if you’re feeling shitty tomorrow, okay.”

“I won’t,” and Thomas found it wasn’t a lie.

Again, this is not a guide on how to deal with grief, for the love of god don’t take advise from fics. I have tried my best to make it not shit and somewhat accurate, but I can promise nothing.

I debated posting the letter separate of the fic, but it’s important to the fic and the chapter title, so I kept it like this even if it’s a bit clunky. I only decided here to make the flowers important and I thought it very descriptive of their realtions, since both knew it would end sooner than later, no matter how happy they got to be during their time together.

Also, the blessing thing actually happened to me, slightly different, but it happened. And no, I do not feel blessed and yes it was awkward and none of my friends came to my rescue.

#RR writing #tw: grief #Hamilton #Hamilton AU #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #george washington #Martha Wayles Jefferson mentioned #Jamilton #'Till Death Do Us Part #'Till Death Do Us Part Part 3 #'Till Death Do Us Part AU

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nuclearforest · 2 years

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Three questions for you!

1. It's time for the annual team building retreat! You have to pick which group you will be sent with to compete again the other! Do you side with the Wild Geese or the Iscariots?

2. You've won a week's vacation to the Bahamas, all expenses paid! But there's one problem...who is going to look after your beloved poochies while you're gone!?

The only people you can ask is either a starving Alucard or The Major. Who would you chose and why?

3. You've gone back in time to the night of your prom dance. The entire cast of Hellsing is there, along with ...everyone else.

Who amongst the cast is on your dance card and who is on your hit list?

I'm gonna start by saying that I'm dying for these questions and love them to bits. TYSM!! I'm gonna get right into it.

1. Fun fact about me! I went to an all girl catholic school for high school, so I've already been on retreats with a group of Catholics (and I'm well familiar with Catholic guilt, oh boy) so I'm gonna have to say the Wild Geese. They're probably really rowdy, but a corporate retreat probably means NOT a warzone and (if Hellsing sponsored) somewhere either nice in Britain or a country still under Britain's thumb. Sounds like it could be a good vacation.

(On that note I wrote some Hellsing headcanons ages ago about going to LeMans for the famous endurance race and because Pip and probably a bunch of the Wild Geese are French, they'd be familiar with it if not love going themselves. I've been before, loved it, and kinda follow endurance racing already, so I would love to do that as a retreat.)

2. Before I pick a babysitter I'm going to give you a full disclosure: I love big dogs. Grew up with goldens, a St. Bernard, and now my folks have a Newfoundland (who is a big baby that looks like a bear). So I would also have big dogs, probably Newfs or something (if only I'd be in a place to have a wolfdog) if I lived somewhere cold enough to be tolerable to them.

Now that said, I would honestly pick the Major. Alucard may or may not have eaten dogs and if he's hungry I would not be risking that. Automatic disqualification. But I would also daresay the Major probably likes dogs and might look at the Captain as a bit of a big dog himself. So if I were in the position to be able to ask: please take my dogs and don't let them witness your war crimes, sir. (Man let's trade for the week: you take my dogs and I take yours, if you know what I mean-- give me the Captain in swim trunks tanning on a beach. Or like, even better rent a whole catamaran and sail out to sea alone for like a week. A lot can happen in a week).

3. Prom was a funny night. First all-nighter I ever pulled in my life; I remember driving/flying home at 5AM in an overpowered car and feeling very free when the sun rose. I didn't actually spend much time dancing though because I went with friends-- had an all girl's school and knew no guys from the other private schools in the area. I think we had a brother school, never really got involved with them though.

That said, I would've danced with at least Integra, no questions asked. Just as friends. Would've probably avoided Zorin like the plague. And I am an almost criminally shy individual so I would've been pining hard across the room for the Captain only to get punked into dancing with him by a group of my friends. I would've never recovered. Didn't grow into IRL courage until many years later, lol, and I'm still a bit of a coward online. I am like, 3 hairs away from doing a Mill college AU for shits and giggles. But I'm gonna finish the December fic first. I may or may not have cheated and started drafting.

#mun rambles #like the fool jingles #and the clown honks

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years

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good morning from my roommates. we slept nine and a half hours again last night lol. I guess I am just fully leaning into the ‘erase the sleep deficit’ mission these last three weeks before my new job starts and I don’t have summers off anymore.

still no answer from the foundation and it’s driving me crazyyyyy. if people are on vacation can they at least put up an out of office reply so we’re not left wondering if our email has been shot directly into the void?? I really resent how every message to them has to be carefully crafted & approved by six important people to make sure it’s appropriately deferential and fawning… and then the foundation itself is just free to ignore us for 3-12 weeks every time we reach out to them. ugh and I’m still so annoyed by them giving us false hope in that meeting back in February, then making us go through all the work of crafting a new proposal and budget, then making us wait for 7 weeks with no reply, then unceremoniously rejecting us with no explanation other than “oops sorry we’ve decided to move on.” whateverrrr. if you’re an insanely wealthy institution you don’t have to be considerate of other people’s time or livelihoods I guess. I think if we don’t hear from them this week I need to tell my boss I just can’t do both. I negotiated these extra two weeks off so we could handle interviews and cohort selection plus hiring and training a new part-time person in august, but the delayed response means if they say yes I’ll now be cramming all of that work into the first few weeks of the new job. it’s to the point where I am hoping they say no (or take so long that it becomes a logistical impossibility) because I am Stressed and Exhausted just thinking about what September will feel like.

okay sigh enough irritation. it’s already 11 and I’ve barely done anything. what will make this day feel like a success?

buy plane tickets for sam’s wedding!

go for a brisk walk/light jog (with Pip?) now before it gets too hot. I’ve been putting on weight this summer because I’ve cut back so much on outdoor exercise in the heat. I think I want to try to build in 25 minutes of extra movement per day this week (in addition to my 40 min daily walk), and then see if I can gradually increase that by 10 minutes each week until I’m back up to last summer’s 75-90 minutes of daily exercise. sigh I should also maybe look into rejoining the Y

finish my L&D book (2 hours)

15 min burst of timed writing on LP letter

submit July timesheets

spend 2 hours editing podcast audio

1-2 hours of course planning

experiment with relocating router to see if that will fix my seemingly endless wifi issues (need to call AT&T if it doesn’t)

vacuum bedroom

run dishwasher

wipe down kitchen counters and stove

take out trash and recycling x 2

do veggie prep for fried rice or I will never do it and these veggies will go bad!

walk dogs 40 minutes tonight

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eves-library · 3 years

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How to Lose a Man in Ten Days AU//Bucky Barnes x Mexican!Reader Latina!Reader

Chapter One: The task

Summary: In the hopes of saving her friend’s love life from being publicly exposed Y/N takes on the task of writing about her love life while leaving her out of her article.

Word Count: 1668

Warnings: Mention of breakup and some stereotyped characters (?)

PSA: PLEASE READ First I want to thank @allaboardthereadingrailroad for the opportunity of participating in her Diversity Challenge. I gotta admit I haven’t read a lot of latina!reader or mexican!reader. This was not only a challenge for me to write but I took it as a chance to read stories with that certain type of reader too. The reason I haven’t read too much of these reader inserts is that I don’t always feel identified with the way latina!readers and mexican!readers are portrayed. This is my version of a reader I feel identified with being a Mexican girl. I still left the reader mostly uncharacterized, but there are certain hints here and there that are a telltale for the reader’s background and culture. It will be more evident as the series progress. Finally I just want to say that I took the decision of writing the reader this way because I believe we cannot encapsulate a certain type of girl just by mexican or latina, we share a nationality and culture, yet just by changing states (here in Mexico) traditions change and sometimes the difference is a lot.

A/N: I’ll be posting a chapter every 3 days. Enjoy

Y/N finish tipping on her computer as Natasha read over her shoulder, “With not only families being torn apart but human beings being treated like animals, the question of immigrant laws being changed should not be a question but a pressing matter.” Y/N turned to look to Natasha as she finished reading, “What do you think Nat?” Natasha gave her a smile and a shoulder squeeze, “I believe it is one hell of an article and I would print it in a heartbeat, but I am not Lana and she will never print it.” With a defeated sigh and her face falling, Y/N saved the document and closed the tab, “I can’t believe I busted my ass to get a master’s in journalism at college just so I could be ‘Y/N How’? Maybe mom was right and I should have not left home.”

Y/N turned her chair completely so she could look at Natasha face to face as Natasha leaned on the bearly there wall that separated their cubicles, “I think you should send some of your work to a big new’s paper, I’ve told you hundred times,” Natasha said to Y/N and before the girl could say anything in her defense, Mandy or “Mantis” as she liked people to call her popped her head next to Natasha on the division of the cubicles “Ladies, don’t forget we have a staff meeting in thirty minutes!” she said softly and as suddenly as she had appeared she disappeared, Natasha was the first to speak up in a low tone so not to be heard by anyone but Y/N “How does she always manage to sneak up on us!” and once again before Y/N could speak up Mantis appeared, “Don’t forget to bring all your good vibes and ideas!” she pipped in before she left for good, prompting both Y/N and Natasha to laugh.

As their laughter died Y/N stood up looking around the office of cubicles “Have you seen Wanda today?” Natasha turned her gaze directly to Wanda’s cubicle and found it empty of her things, “No, I don’t think she has arrived yet,” Y/N looked at her wristwatch and sighed, “Okay, it is my turn, you go get us a coffee.” Y/N went to grab her coat and purse and as she was making her way out of the office Natasha called for her, giving her a bag with samples, and Y/N grabbed a dark red jacket from a passing cart of clothes used for photoshoots.

Y/N arrived at Wanda’s apartment in less than 10 minutes, she knocked on the door two times before Wanda finally opened up, a small fake smile on her face which lasted for two seconds before tears started streaming down her cheeks once again, “Oh sweetie, come here, what happened?” Y/N questioned as she stepped in and hugged her friend, Wanda sniffled and cleaned her tears before speaking as she let Y/N walk inside her apartment. “Vision, he broke up with me last night!” Wanda said as her eyes filled with tears once again.

Y/N walked in to check the state of the apartment, and just like Wanda, it was a little disheveled, especially the area where the couch was and where Wanda had been watching rom-coms and eating icecream. Wanda then walked past her and directly onto the couch but before she could lay back down again, Y/N grabbed her arm pulling her in the direction of her room, which Wanda did, only protesting a little before Y/N finally asked, “Oh, honey, I’m sorry but you can’t let a guy get you fired at work! Come on, I promise after we are done at the office we’ll come back and watch all the rom-coms you want I’ll even get you my grandma’s special hot chocolate you like so much!” Wanda’s eyes glinted at the prospect of Y/N’s offer.

Y/N went through Wanda’s closet getting a pair of tight black dress pants and a loose black blouse that will look great with the dark red jacket she had brought from the office, and as Y/N was looking for the perfect heels to go with the outfit Wanda plopped down on the bed, “What is wrong with me Y/N? Why doesn’t anyone wants me?” Y/N turned around and took a seat next to Wanda on the bed letting Wanda rest her head on her shoulder, “Listen to me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are a beautiful, talented, successful woman, that when she falls in love she does it fast and deep. Sometimes that scares men, which makes it their loss because you, my dear, are a great catch, and you’ll find a catch too.”

Wanda smiled softly up at her and Y/N gave her a squeeze before getting up, “Now get dressed! we have fifteen minutes before the staff meeting starts, and I’ve brought samples!” Wanda chuckled and in less than five minutes the two of them were on their way back to the office, Wanda finishing her light makeup on the taxi cab.

The two of them arrived at their building with three minutes to spare, time enough for the elevator ride up. They met up with Natasha at the doors and each took a cup of coffee. As they were making their way into the building Natasha asked what happened and Wanda told her Vision had broken up with her, “Did he gave you any explanation?” Natasha asked and Wanda let out a long sigh, “Just the same, it was not me, it was him, but I really thought he was the one you know?” Natasha turned to look at her with skepticism “Wanda, you dated the guy for a little over a week!”

Wanda blushed a little over Natasha’s comment, “Maybe… but I just had a feeling you know?” Both Y/N and Natasha chuckled at Wanda’s expense and Wanda blushed harder. Y/N shrugged and send a wink her way, “It’s okay Wanda, it’s only that your heart loves easily and lightheartedly if guys don’t know how to realize that it is on them.” Wanda smiled at her and they soon arrived at Lana’s office, everyone taking their place around in the couches and seats.

Lana entered the room at last and her authority voice boomed around the place, “Good morning family! Shoes out everyone!” Y/N turned to her right to see Wanda and Natasha sitting down and taking their shoes off as Y/N did the same. Once everyone in the office was settled, either on a couch or the floor, Lana spoke again. “How are we doing for this month’s number?” Mandy was the first to raise her hand, going on about an article on plastic surgery and how it ruins people’s life “it is kind of gory but surprisingly… optimistic.” Mandy ended with a smile on her face, Lana went on asking everyone in the room and suddenly it was Wanda’s turn, who had an off look on her face, probably still thinking of last night’s events with Vision.

Natasha nudged Wanda lightly just to bring her attention back to the meeting at hand and Lana kept on looking at her expectantly “I’m sorry Lana I had a bad night,” she started and Natasha explained shortly, “She got dumped.” Wanda turned to glare at her and Natasha mumbled a silent “Sorry” Wanda turned her look back at Lana with an embarrassed and sad smile on her face. Lana smiled at her with a surprisingly empathetic look before she spoke “I’m so sorry, isn’t it sad everyone?” She asked and everyone in the room started nodding and mumbling soft “sorrys.” Lana then looked down at the notebook on her lap before she spoke again “Write about it, and get it off your chest” Wanda turned to look at her and started protesting “Lana I’m sorry but I can’t do that, it is my personal life!” Lana looked up and smiled again “Of course, you’re right,” and she looked around the room “Who wants to write about Wanda’s love life?”

Wanda was so shocked by the lack of empathy her boss was showing that she just opened and closed her mouth trying to figure out a way to protest and then a hand was raised, Mandy enthusiastically asked for the opportunity “Great, you’ll do it, Mandy, what’s next?” Lana said and Wanda finally spoke up, “I’m sorry Lana but I can’t let Mandy write about my personal life!” Natasha and Y/N had been watching everything unfold before them and suddenly Y/N had an idea, “I’ll do it” she said and Wanda turned to look at her as if she had stabbed her in the back and Y/N continued “I won’t write exactly about Wanda, but she’ll be… my inspiration.” Y/N said and Lana was intrigued, she made a sign with her hand motioning for Y/N to continue, “Look at Wanda, she is a beautiful and strong woman, yet she has trouble keeping a relationship,” Wanda looked confused and a little bit hurt, Y/N mumbled a silent “Sorry” her way before she continued “So… I’ll write about the common mistakes girls like Wanda make when they first start dating,” Lana considered it for a moment before she spoke, “I like it, yeah, you’ll date a guy and then lose him.” Y/N nodded trying to work for a title “Yeah! I’ll call it ‘The Common Mistakes of Dating…?’”

Lana stayed silent for a couple more seconds “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days!” Lana noted it down on her notebook and was about to move on when Y/N asked “Sorry Lana but why in ten days?” Lana turned to look back at her “Well five days is too little of time and we print in eleven days, so it has to be done in ten days.” Y/N nodded and the meeting went on.

#MarvelDiversityChallenge #Bucky Barnes x Mexican!Reader #Bucky x Mexican!Reader #James Bucky Barnes x Mexican!Reader #Mexican!Reader Insert

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hamiltonimagines · 4 years

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I Like You a Latte

Pairing: Phillipa x Reader

Request: “Hey! Can you do a Phillipa coffee shop au please? :)” - @multifandomwriterx

Word Count: 2k

I stepped into the warm, inviting coffee shop and looked around. I had just gotten off of work and desperately needed some caffeine. There had been a different coffee shop I went to everyday that had just closed down, so I figured I’d give this one a try.

I walked up to the counter and ordered an iced latte. I waited a few minutes and then was handed my drink. I looked around for a seat and saw none that were open. Then I saw a table that had one girl at it, she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

I figured that I may as well introduce myself. I walked over towards her, carefully.

“Umm excuse me, is this seat taken? All the other tables are full” I asked, politely. “No no, sit please” she said, smiling back at me. Her voice sounded so sweet and soothing.

I sat across from her and put down my drink. “I’m Y/N, by the way” I said, extending my hand to shake hers. She gladly shook my hand and said “I’m Phillipa, but my friends call me Pippa”.

She exuded happiness and was like a walking ball of sunshine. “That’s a really pretty name” I complimented her. “Thank you, so are you new here?” She asked me.

“Yeah, I used to go to the Espresso Café every day after work. It’s that coffee shop a few blocks from here. But they closed down, so I’ve been looking for a new place to get some much needed caffeine” I explained. “I come here everyday. I’ve always loved the atmosphere” she said, smiling.

“I can’t blame you, this feels like the perfect place to curl up and read a book” I said, not being able to help but admire her beauty. She seemed like a person that you could always rely on for anything.

“Well I can assure you, I have definitely done that and it’s as magical as it sounds” she mentioned.

She went back to working on her laptop and I pulled out my phone and responded to some emails. We both worked in peace for what seemed like hours. She had a really calming presence, I just wanted to stay with her forever.

“So I should get going, but maybe I’ll see you tomorrow” she said, winking and leaving the shop. I couldn’t help but blush and start to look forward to the next time I could see her.

I then noticed that she left her book on the table. I looked around and realized she was already gone. I guess I would just give it to her tomorrow. I picked up the book to see what she was reading. Before I could read the cover, a piece of paper fell out.

I picked it up and it read “Soooooo I was way to nervous to do this in person, but I think you’re really pretty and I really hope you’ll keep coming to the coffee shop. Here’s my number, I really hope you’ll use it”.

I instantly felt my cheeks start to heat up and I couldn’t believe what I was reading. She really thought I was pretty, it felt too good to be true. I sat there, thinking about her infectious smile and how much I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I finished my coffee and put her book in my bag, so that I could remember to return it tomorrow.

I went home and fell asleep, wondering what would happen tomorrow.

I was currently sitting at my desk at work. I kept checking the clock to see when it would be time to go. I only had twenty minutes left of my shift, and that meant twenty minutes until I could see Pippa again.

Then my boss walked up to my desk. “Y/N, so remember when I let you leave early a few weeks ago” he said. He wasn’t the best boss, but I needed the job. “You didn’t let me leave early, I used my personal time off, I had a doctors appointment” I defended myself.

“Well regardless, I need you to stay late today” he said, smugly. “Wait, no I have plans” I told him. “Well, I need all these forms entered into the database, then you can leave” he said and he placed a huge folder on my desk.

I checked the clock again and began diligently entering the forms. I looked down and saw that it was time for me to leave and I should be seeing Pippa soon. I had only gone through half of the forms. I picked up the pace and began to work even faster.

I finally finished and saw that it was fifteen minutes after when I was supposed to leave. What if Pippa left? What if she thought I stood her up?

I grabbed my bag and raced to the coffee shop. Through the window, I saw Pippa, looking disappointed and stirring her coffee, silently. I finally stopped running, and fixed my hair and walked into the shop.

Pippa and I made eye contact and I saw her eyes light up. I smiled back and walked over and sat down across from her.

“For a minute, I didn’t think you were coming” she said, looking relieved. “I’m so sorry, my jerk boss held me late. But I’m here now. Oh yeah and I have your book” I said, smirking and I handed it back to her.

She took it from my hand and I said “I’m going to go get a coffee”. She looked confused, she probably thought I hadn’t even seen her note. While I was in line, I saw her open the book to see if her note was still there.

Her eyes went wide when she saw that I had replaced her note with one of my own. I had written “To Pippa, aka the gorgeous girl from the coffee shop, I am so flattered and I would say that our feelings are mutual. I really hope we get to spend more time together, you radiate positivity whenever you’re around”.

She looked over at me and we made eye contact and we both just smiled and giggled to ourselves.

I sat back down with her and we just talked for hours. We eventually had to part ways, but I knew I would see her again.

*2 weeks later*

I had just gotten home from coffee with Pippa and I set down my purse on my bed. I went to grab my phone out of my purse and saw that there was a book in my bag. I was confused, it wasn’t my book and I then recognized it as the book Pippa and I had put notes in, she must of slipped it in when I wasn’t paying attention.

I grabbed it and saw a note. It said “I’m coming to your place at 7. Be ready, I’m finally going to take you on the date of your dreams! -Pip”.

I smiled to myself, Pippa and I had only ever had coffee together and I was so excited to finally go on a date.

I put on a summer dress with a jean jacket and Pippa was right on time. I opened the door when she knocked. “You look stunning” she complimented me. “Thank you, you look beautiful too” I told her, honestly.

She took me out to dinner and we had an amazing time. We went for icecream afterwards and just talked about anything that came to mind. She was so enjoyable to be around. She lit up any room and she made me really happy.

When I got home, I took the first note that Pippa ever gave me and I put it in a frame and placed it on my desk.

*3 years later*

Pippa and I have been dating for 3 years and it’s been such a blessing to be able to call her mine. I’ve seen all of her broadway shows on opening night. I got to meet all of her Hamilton castmates. We even got a dog that we named Peaches.

We lived in an apartment in NYC and I was currently sitting on our couch with Peaches, while scrolling through my phone.

“Hey are you busy?” Pippa asked me, as she walked in the room. “No, why do you ask? Do you want to go on a spontaneous trip to France? Because I have a meeting tomorrow that I can’t miss” I joked with her. “You are such a dork, put on your shoes” she said, laughing.

“You know you love me” I said as I slipped on my shoes and stood up. “I do love you, so much” she said and she slowly leaning and kissed me, softly. I fell more and more in love with her every time she kissed me.

“So where are we going?” I asked her, as she grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. “It’s a surprise” she said, with a smirk on her face:

We started walking down the street and eventually Pippa covered my eyes and she lead me what felt like maybe a block down the street.

She uncovered my eyes and I saw that coffee shop where we met, three years ago.

“Oh my god, we haven’t been here in so long” I said in awe. We both walked in and that familiar, inviting atmosphere flooded my senses. “It hasn’t changed one bit” Pippa said, with a smile on her face.

Pippa ordered for us while I looked around and took it all in. I couldn’t believe I was back here. It had been so long and it was weird to think that this place was responsible for me and Pippa meeting.

“Oh look, our table is open” I said pulling her with me, once she had gotten our drinks. We sat down at the booth were we had spent many weeks, talking for hours.

“It’s amazing to be back here. This is a really good surprise” I told her. “I remember when you sat down with me, all I could think about was how pretty you were. I pretended like I was working on my laptop, but I was looking up ways to try and ask you out. I couldn’t work up the nerve. The only thing I could think of was saying “I like you a latte”. It felt too cheesy, so I decided to write it in a book. I guess it worked out though” she said smiling as we both reminisced.

“That is so sweet. I remember thinking you were gorgeous and I thought it was a joke when I read your note, I didn’t know how a girl you like you liked me” I told her. “Oh that reminds me, I have a book that I think you should read” she said, pulling a book out of her purse.

She grabbed the book and handed it to me. I held it in my hands and looked at the front cover, it was the original book that Pippa had left behind. This book was one of our favorites and we read it all the time. It held so much sentimental value, since it was the book she gave me.

“Pip, I don’t understand. We’ve both read this thousands of times already” I said, confused. Then it dawned on me. It had to have a note in it. Why else would she give it to me?”

I opened the book and saw a note, as I suspected. I held the note and read it, it said “Dear Y/N, the love of my life, I’ve loved you since we met. Will you marry me?”

Instantly, there were tears in my eyes and I looked up at her and she was holding a ring. “So, will you marry me?” She asked me. “Yes yes of course” I said, through the tears. We both had the biggest smiles on our faces. She slipped the ring on my finger.

I stood up and pulled her into a kiss. We pulled away and we just stared into each other’s eyes and I felt like I was on cloud nine.

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