#joke from b99

[luminarai]

And that was the last time anybody on the team attempted polite small talk with Beard.

I’ve been working on this since eurovision and got it done just in time for the s3 finale 🥲 speaking of eurovision, if you look really really closely at the interval show you might just be able peep Beard in the background…

#my art #ted lasso fanart #Ted lasso #ted lasso art #joke from b99 #coach beard #jamie tartt #sam obisanya #colin hughes #isaac mcadoo #dani rojas #richard montlaur #thierry zoreaux #jan maas #feat. dadi freyr #ok time for my hand to fall off now #Noah Fence is Jamie tartt’s pre-Madonna I will die on this hill that I made myself

[benevolenterrancy]

i really do love that lan wangji is secretly an enormous bitch to jiang cheng specifically it's seriously too funny

#don't worry he had all the pictures backed up of course #mdzs #lan wangji #lan zhan #jiang cheng #wangxian #the untamed #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #i think this is the second b99 quote i've pilfered for mdzs art #the art Did Not Turn Out this time but for some reason i could not make anything look good #so we get bad art today but the joke is exorcised from my system and sometimes that's all you can ask for #my art

[maladaptivewriting]

i saw wonka and i just have one thing to say.

why did wonka not know how to read?

his mother never taught him? yet she left him the “secret ingredient” in the chocolate she made in the form of a WRITTEN note. that’s so fucked up. he didn’t even know what letters were! and she was like “here’s my secret, you little fucking idiot”

#wonka 2023 #wonka spoilers #is that even a thing in this context #timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #also there is a joke in that movie that was stolen directly from b99

[jpriest85-blog]

After learning that @pdrrook has a Perfumare sequel coming up and the Shapeshifter MC is friends with Marco, I started wondering how such a friendship dynamic would work 🤔. In my Shapeshifter MC, Gloria Jardin's case, I picture her friendship dynamic with Marco being similar to Gina and Jake's from Brooklyn 99. So, I redrew a scene from B99 featuring them both.

Marco, getting up from the bar: I gotta go.

Gloria: Aren't you forgetting something?

Marco, confused: Uh...

(Marco awkwardly approaches Gloria to give her a brotherly four head kiss, then leaves)

Gloria: No! Pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

#Perfumare Amalgam #Marco #sequel MC #Shapeshifter: Gloria Jardin #b99 meme #scene redraw #i like to think they have a similar dynamic as Gina and Jake's friendship #they're basically siblings at this point #and have a lot of history and inside jokes #Gloria does tend to come across as more responsible because she tries to keep Marco's reckless ass from getting himself killed #but tbh they're both little weirdos and dorks

[outeremissary]

Oooh how about 18 (if you want to, it looked like a funny question), 32, and 37 for Balthazar?

I fear I'm going to disappoint you on 18- I don't have my ex's encyclopedic memory of B99 even if thanks to them I think I've seen the whole show about five times over. ^^;; But I can do my best for the others!

[prompt]

32. Your character is having a prom night/debs. What kind of outfit do they wear?

Hm, a modern question. Balthazar is so weird to define in modern style because we live in an era where masculine clothing is rather enclosed. I think being trans in a modern setting vs. a fantasy setting also comes with a different kind of weight. But there's a fantasy element to prom, and certainly a certain kind of spite that queer teens bring to it (at least in my own experience). His outfit is cobbled together from a combination of thrifted oddities and ordinary formalwear. The pride of this ensemble is a bright red blouse with ruffly poet sleeves that must have been nearly fifty years out of style. He goes as friends with Linzi and both of them are called vampire lesbians at school for a week afterwards. It's a nightmare.

At this point in his teen years he would have been a true terror if he'd been left in the Catholic school he went to when he was younger.

37. Your character has been kidnapped. Who has kidnapped them and how do they escape?

Hm, a lot of possible answers here. To seize on one that nearly did happen: one of Balthazar's great fears when he was younger and homeless for a time was getting picked up by any of the various cults that valued having a discount celestial on hand for various gruesome reasons- there's a reason the average lifespan of aasimar is so low. He was never very capable of defending himself despite his sorcerous abilities, so he slept with one eye open and was constantly paranoid about anyone he spent the night with. He can vividly remember an evening that he was approached by a pleasant, well-dressed woman who seemed especially set on talking to him; when she bent forward he caught the briefest glimpse of a death's head moth tattoo under her shirt. Even after he made his excuses and left the bar she had cornered him in, he kept thinking he caught saw someone from the corner of his eye following him throughout the evening. He ultimately spent the night on the floor of a temple of Abadar with a concerned young cleric near him. It's frighteningly easy to imagine what could have happened if he hadn't picked up anything strange about that woman. He could have easily gone along with her to her home- or wherever she decided to lead him- and woken up imprisoned who knows where (if he'd woken up at all).

If he was stuck in a situation like that, it would be difficult to escape, and it would have to be done fast. He would seize on the first opportunity he had with one of his captors alone to attempt to charm them into either giving him the opportunity to get away or getting close enough that if he put them under with a spell he could get either the keys (ideally) or a weapon away from them. There wouldn't be much more for it then except making a break for it and hoping he got lucky. Who knows- somehow his abysmally terrible luck somehow always balances out in the critical moment. Despite everything, maybe the gods look out for him after all.

#b99 and community had for years a similar grip on my ex as kingmaker has on me #I don't think I can ever watch b99 again even though I like it because for three straight years it was in the background almost constantly #regarding the modern au question I'm continuing to channel the lore established in 2020 #in a university au defined 90% through texts from last night jokes. premier worldbuilding. everything just for bits. #that's right: childhood friends balthazar and linzi is the product of just one text post that was funny to me at the time #they have a very up and down relationship in high school. this is one of their closer moments though. mlm/wlw solidarity #and since I've done so much commentary while writing already I'll say that a high awareness of exactly how aasimar are useful to occultists #is the reason that balthazar has never been deeper in anything to do with dark gods #why put yourself in a room with your natural predator without being sure you can survive? he's not that confident... not yet. #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #cassynite

[yellowjackles]

Modern Family is a funny show and all but instead of being ahead of its time I feel like it was behind its time. Like, not to compare it to other shows but B99 had no harmful stereotypes and the representation was amazing, and meanwhile Modern Family while was reinforcing those stereotypes ???

#probably an unpopular opinion but it's just the way i see it #and i know that B99 aired in 2013 and MF in 2009 #but just look at the lgbtq characters from both shows #completely different concepts #like Andy said #Holt being gay was NOT a vessel for jokes #Mitch and Cam's sexuality absolutely was #though tbf they did give them personalities at least

[madwomansapologist]

Hello! I noticed that you have Brooklyn nine nine in your masterlist

As a fan of B99, May I request a wholesome headcanon of Rosa Diaz, Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta, Charles Boyle and Terrence Jeffords' reaction of meeting the reader who is captain Raymond Holt and kevin cosner's adoptive child and is working in the 99th precinct

Sorry if this is long

99th precint meeting Kevin & Holt adoptive child would include

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More B99 | AO3

synopsis: The squad already knew that Raymond Holt is a man of few words, but who would have thought that he had a child?

warnings: none. gender neutral. no race implied. no age implied. like jake and amy, everyone deserves to feel like Holt and Kevin's kid. all b99 detectives included. reader have Holt and Kevin's personality.

Dear 99th Precint, I proudly inform you that today will be my child's first day of work as a rookie cop in our precinct. Don't embarrass me. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.

• No one had ever heard Raymond talking about having a child. They never saw a photo of them on his house. Kevin never mentioned something. Or have them? No. No, they didn't.

• Even Gina was surprised. She was mean about it, of course, but she didn't knew anything.

• When Holt arrived, everyone was waiting for him on his office. Peralta tried to play cool before asking, but soon Terry was screaming about how could he have a child and didn't say anything to them.

Haymond answered without blinking an eye: "Peralta would make it weird." Everyone understood. "Hey!" Everyone except Peralta. "But why you don't have pictures with them on your house?" Amy asked. "Are you implying I would forget my child's face, Santiago?" Holt was clearly offended.

• You arrived apologizing for being three minutes and seven seconds late. Rosa widened her eyes, muttering about you being his copy. Holt smiled at that comment.

• Jake tried to act like a cool big brother but as soon as you opened your mouth he was fangirling over you. You made a mental note about calling him "bro" if you ever needed something from him or wanted to make him happy. Every single little thing you did was a reason for him to smile widely.

• Terry offered to show you the place, and told you everyone's name. He was all sweet and polite, acting like the dad of the squad. Well, he was. Terry made questions about your training and abillities. He was trying to show off, and it was working.

• Amy was affraid of saying something wrong. Amy danced when you said your father talked about her, and immediately regreted that. All her atempts of acting cool were imterrupted by Gina's jokes. She almost cried when you refered to her as your father's apprentice.

• Hitchcock and Scully thought you were already working with them. They didn't get what was happening. Holt was so glad when they went to took a nap.

• You and Rosa sat down and spent thirty minutes in absolute silence. It was the best experience of your entire life.

• Gina was waiting for you in the hallway of the bathroom. She asked if you wanna form a alliance with her. You obviously said yes, despite not knowing what she really meant by that.

• You were surprised for not meeting Boyle. On your lunch break, you realized why: he had rushed to prepare a meal for the two of you. He and Terry got into a fight about food while you were eating. It was exactly like your father told you. It was perfect.

• You have a nice feeling about working there.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @suakemi @notanalienindisguiseblink

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

#madwomansapologist #ask box #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #b99 headcanons #b99 x reader #b99 x you #b99 x y/n #amy santiago #amy santiago x reader #jake peralta #jake peralta x reader #gina linetti x reader #gina linetti #charles boyle x reader #charles boyle #terry jeffords x reader #terry jeffords #raymond holt x reader #raymond holt #hitchcock and scully #norm scully x reader #norm scully #michael hitchcock #michael hitchcock x reader #rosa diaz #rosa diaz x reader #kevin cozner #captain holt #ray holt x reader

[hotteoki]

drunk bf ateez headcanons - 2k celebration!

pairing: ateez x reader (no prns used)

cw: mentions of alcohol (obvie)

genre: fluff, established relationship, headcanon

notes: after watching drunkteez on wanteez and having yunho on my mind i just had to write this ( ˘ ³˘)

notes: this is my second celebration post! happy 2k followers!

hongjoong

he seems fine

at first

he's downing shots, glasses, bottles

at flash speed

but he's fine

even he says he's fine

"i just don't feel anything"

"well i mean some people just don't get drunk"

"maybe i'm just reeeeeally talented"

you're like thinking 'oh! he's not too bad'

...

did the 'reeeeeally' not give you warning signs in your head

you spoke too soon

next thing you know he's trying to shove his head down the billiard/pool/snooker table holes

it's more of gently ramming his head against the table edge than shoving his head tho

you were dying laughing by the time you reached him

"joong what are you doing???"

"i'm looking for thissssss"

"what is 'this', joongie?"

it's silent for a while and you're rubbing his back

then he just pops up

"this!"🫰🏻

(ಠ ಠ)

he thinks he's sooooo funny

you had to stare at him for a good few minutes before processing what the hell you just witnessed

he's upgraded from terrible dad jokes to terrible rizz jokes

i don't think i can decipher which is worse

he's also balancing the shot glasses on the back of his hand

which had you PANICKING

a whole migraine just from that

forget a hangover

your fear of him breaking one of those is enough for you to want to die

surprisingly he didn't break any

"see baby? i'm just tooooooo talented"

he's giggling so much

it's so cute :(

but add the worst aegyo in the world to the list

it’s near bang chan level of horrifying

i mean sure

joong is NATURALLY a giant tiny cutie

but when he’s doing it on purpose???

um.

well!

okay!

(유∀유|||)

have fun!

seonghwa

no thoughts behind those eyes

just blink blink (0_0) (-_-) (0_0)

i'm pretty sure he's on mars

and out of nowhere he starts singing along to i want it that way playing in the background (b99 ref (ʃƪ˘ﻬ˘))

singing along very loudly if i may add

BUT

as soon as the song ends

he's back to his (0_0) (-_-) (0_0) agenda

at one point

you’ve just gotten used to his giggles and clapping out of the blue

yeah he just applauds randomly

to whom and why?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he just wants to i guess

"hwa, i think we should go now it's like 4am-"

"HAKUNA MATATA YO"

oh he's singing again!

will not stop for the next twenty minutes

in his head it's a free karaoke bar

and he's just singing to his heart's content

he can also get pouty very quickly

and is very, very clingy

whichever one of your arm is nearer to him is not going to hear the bells of freedom for the rest of the long night

to be fair

if any of the other members are near him

he's also going to be clinging to them

just

a little less than you

he loves you the most after all! ><

all in all

he's pretty chill

every now and then

this is a bit short cause i don’t know what else i could say i’m sorry (╥_╥)

i'll make it up with a seonghwa drabble soon promise

yunho

where did this man's energy come from???????

one minute he's on the dance floor

he's 'boogying', as he said

the next he's running laps around the bar

you're just shocked he hasn't crashed into another poor innocent person yet

oh and now he's on the stage! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

are you ripping out your hair yet

( ˘ ɜ˘) ♬♪♫ (yunho!!!!!!)>ヽ(‵﹏´)ノ

he's singing what seems to be halazia

except it's literally just the word halazia being repeated

you're pretty sure he sang 'hala-hala-hala-hala-halazia' like about seven times

stream seven by jungkook

you had to physically drag him down from the stage

“nooooo baby you don’t understand i still need to sing hips don’t lie they need meeeeeee (ง'̀-'́)ง”

“yeah ok shakira let’s go”

his hand slips from yours and he’s sucked into the wardrobe of narnia

cause even tho he’s a literal giant

you can’t seem to find his usually sticking out head

the reason why?

he’s squatting while doing the dougie

why? i don’t know

i don’t think he knows either

but he’s dougieing!

he’s also spitting BARS

starts rapping to mingi’s part in guerilla while you’re trying to drag him out

at this point you’re beginning to suspect that he’s not actually drunk

maybe a little tipsy

but mostly just staying to cause chaos

and to give you a headache

but his little pout as you’re pulling him away

“yuyu come on we have to go >:(“

“but baby i don’t want tooooo”

does this face 🥺

yk that one time when ateez made faces imitating the emoji signs they were holding

and yuyu had the 🥺 one

THATS EXACTLY THE FACE HES MAKING

and how can you deny this golden retriever :,)

(if you can resist it you’re just a maniac frankenstein cheoreom georeo maniac maniac ha ha idk i don’t make the rules)

“okay fine… but no-”

“YAY i’ll be back”

he does in fact come back a few minutes later

HOLDING A PIGEON?????

“YUNHO WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? PUT THE BIRD DOWN-”

“i made a friend! :D”

you’re certain he took a few years off your life in just one night

yeosang

since we've never actually seen him drunk

cause he's a fairy

i'll go by what joong san and hwa were saying in their vlive like ages ago

cause apparently yeosang gets all cute

so let's imagine a very clingy sangie

just tugging and snuggling into your arm

mumbling your name too

his cute nose scrunches up whenever you try to move

he whines about how you don’t love him anymore

literally just because you moved to scratch an itch on your neck

“sangie what do you mean i don’t love you anymore of course-”

“you don’t LOVE ME ANYMORE :-(”

near tears because he’s convinced of his point

sigh

“baby why do you think i don’t love you anymore?”

“hm??”

confused blink blink

he’s forgotten what he was even saying

your hand brushing through his hair is just too distracting!!!!

he’s a simple man ok?

( ๑>ᴗ<๑ )

that’s how i imagine he looks

with a flushed face

but still looking like an angel sent from heaven

but yk

don’t forget about his muscles

（ΦωΦ）

atp he’s fed up with you moving around while trying to take care of the other members

so he just tightens his iron grip on your arm

good luck moving a literal koala clinging onto your arm

like hwa’s situation

you’re not moving another inch until he’s satisfied with the amount of love he’s showered you

which

he never will be

◝(๑꒪່౪̮꒪່๑)◜

again very short cause i have nothing to come from ;-(

san

literally the LOUDEST mfer in the bar

you can expect everyone within a twenty meter radius to be staring at the two of you

you just standing there like (ಥ‿ಥ) and he's just like ᕙ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

flexing

he's not doing it on purpose

but like

come on

how can you NOT stare at the gorgeous man that is your boyfriend

gawddamn

what snaps you out of your daze was san suddenly pointing at you

"san what are you doing?"

"youuuuuu... are soooooo... not me"

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

oh he's so far gone

i don't think even he knows what he's doing

bro's just saying things

he's literally the walking epitome of speaking to speak

the worst, and i mean absolutely WORST case of asian flush ever

every exposed square inch of his skin is bright red

you're like

panicking trying to get him to sit down

cause he's stumbling around into every person in the bar

he's practically knocking them over like bowling pins

then immediately apologising in the cutest way possible

the second he's made it out of the human mosh pit tho

(╥﹏╥)

you're like (ಠ ''ಠ)

"sannie, honey, why are you crying?"

"i don't know"

sniffle

"i just love you soooooo much..."

"thank you i-"

"like SOOOOO much"

"okay thank you baby-"

"i love you like thissssssss much"

he's holding out his hands

and he's stretching them out as far as possible

and before you know it

oop! he's bear hugging you

his cheek is squished against the top of your head as he's mumbling incoherent words

the only thing you can make out tho is

"i love you so much"

you guys are such goals (;-;)

mingi

okay since we’ve never seen drunk minki

i’m going to go by the endoscopy ep

where he was breakdancing

at first he was convincing gaslighting you that he was fine

because fine means stumbling around and not even being able to walk in a straight line

but whatever suits him! :p

no seriously

he could not walk properly for the LIFE of him

he was crashing into strangers and waiters alike here and there

and by crashing

i mean practically throwing himself onto them

but the second he stands back up

he’s back to yelling into their faces that he’s sober

like mingi…

no one believes you

(￢_￢;)

you were following him right on his tail

frantically apologising to everyone he disturbed

and he’s bopping his head

he’s jamming!!!!!! 乁( • ω •乁)

he’s in his own little world

which is so adorable you almost want to cry :-(

but by the time you have to leave

and he’s STILL dancing around

you have to start pulling aggressively on his arm

he won’t go otherwise

he could stay there all night just to prove a point

the point?

that he’s sober

yes he’s still on that topic

because he’s 100% NOT drunk!!!!!!!!!!

“mingi we have to go-”

“BUT BRUNO MARS IS ON”

“MINGI ITS NOT EVEN BRUNO MARS ITS JUSTIN BEIBER”

“…o yea! ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ”

sigh moment from you

“i want bruno mars thoooooo do you fink i can request for bruno marsssss??????”

“no”

“why not!!!!!! ;-(”

“cause we have to go (˘∀˘)/(ㅠ~ㅠ)”

pushing him out of the bar now

he’s a fun person to be around when you’re drunk as well tho

wooyoung

witch cackle amplified by 2611%

it’s so funny tho

he laughs over literally NOTHING

a stranger walking in the bar?

HILARIOUS

someone passing by?

howling on the floor

the toilet door opening?

he’s wiping away tears

hongjoong tripping over a chair in his drunken state?

he’s getting a 10 pack at this rate

to be fair

you also cackled at poor hongjoong pretending like his dignity didn’t just get absolutely annihilated

at the same time

he’s also just fumbling around

he’s not very sober

like

not sober enough to recognise you

“oooooooh you’re soooooooo good looking we should go outttt”

“wooyoung this is the fifth time tonight we’ve been together for over a year”

“say whaaaaaaaaaat???!!!!?!!?!”

starts coddling you after that

he’s so sweet but in a loud way

well

louder than usual

cant stop kissing you (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

no literally

i’m not exaggerating

he will CHASE you around the pub to kiss you if needed

he has done that before (in my head)

“wooyoung people are staring-”

“COME BACK LEMME KISS YOUUUUUUU ε=┌(;･д･)┘”

now

you might be thinking

skits, why would i ever deny kisses from wooyoung????

yeah see

he thinks he’s kissing you

he’s not

he’s biting you

like full on CHOMP CHOMP CHOMPERS

it’s not even cute lil :3 nom noms

ITS LITERALLY FULL ON TEETH RAWRS

so unless you want a chunk of your skin gone

start running! :p

jongho

you really think he's going to be the drunk one?

him??????

bro has not seen a day of being drunk

he could be downing bottles of every kind of alcohol known to mankind

and still be fresh as a daisy

(≖ᴗ≖) ✿

he'd be the one challenging the entire bar into drinking too

he handles his alcohol very well

let's be honest, you're probably the one drunk

he's going to be taking care of you instead

BUT you never told him how he once drunkenly went up to the bar stage

and started shooing off the performers

before flaunting off his vocals

so that was fun

let's say he hypothetically was wasted tho

i'll use the endoscopy ep as an example like mingi

he's just going to be asleep

just

snore mimimimi snore mimimimi

he might wake up like every half hour

and get all confused

but it's so cute :(

like he's just lifting his head up from your lap

◝(´Ｏ｀)◜

probably definitely drooling tho

it's going to be pretty short for him cause he just doesn't get drunk

he's invincible

networks - @kflixnet k-labels kbookshelf neverendingdreams-net straykidsland @k-films

#kflixnet #k labels #k films #ateez #ateez x reader #ateez x reader headcanons #hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #yunho #yunho x reader #yeosang #yeosang x reader #san #san x reader #mingi #mingi x reader #wooyoung #wooyoung x reader #jongho #jongho x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #park seonghwa x reader #jeong yunho x reader #kang yeosang x reader #choi san x reader #song mingi x reader #jung wooyoung x reader #choi jongho x reader

[creedslove]

DESERVE IT - PART TEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: you are forced to hear what Manu has to tell you, and a surprise at the office makes you rethink your relationship with Javier

Warnings: hurt, angst, offenses, fluff, mentions of smut, sexual tension, jealousy and more angst

A/N: sorry taking so long, I was sick and I was caught up in a sudden Agent Whiskey vibes that got me distracted from Javi and Joel 🥺

Also, I think it's pretty obvious I have no idea how the DEA office works in the show, so in my story, I picture it as the station of B99 where there's the upper floor department which is the DEA and the lower floor department that it's the station, lol

• PART ONE

• PART TWO

• PART THREE

• PART FOUR

• PART FIVE

• PART SIX

• PART SEVEN

• PART EIGHT

• PART NINE

5.3k words

When Manu left his home that Sunday morning, he was determined to face the man he hated the most in the world. 

He wasn't sure how he began hating that man, but it had something to do with the moment he joined the police enforcement in Colombia. 

He was a typical american guy, looking down at everything in Manu's beloved country and always thinking he was above all. 

Maybe it was his smug smile, those stupid tight pants as if he'd been trapped for over a decade or how the office girls swooned for him. He hadn't exchanged more than two or three words, but whenever they had some mission concerning Escobar and the DEA dogs, that motherfucker walked around with that attitude, as if he was better than anyone else. 

Manu just hated how pretentious he was, how he swore he had all those women on his feet. Most of the time, he did, but the women he had on his feet weren't the kind of women Manu liked. They were usually cheap, easy girls, or literally prostitutes. And then he saw you. 

You were possibly the most beautiful woman Manuel had ever seen in his life, you were always sweet and kind to everyone, politeness and efficiency were something everyone from the office noticed, you treated everyone equally… except for maybe Colleen, it was noticeable how you couldn't stand her, but no one could actually blame you as that woman was kind of annoying. Manu watched you from afar every day, since you began working at the station. He liked admiring you, he had never spoken to you, but in his mind, he was sure you were a beautiful person, inside and out. He just didn't understand why you seemed to be attached to Peña's hip, you weren't a cop, you weren't his partner and you certainly weren't his girlfriend, as the word on the street said Peña didn't do relationships. 

And yet, you gave him the heart eyes, you were always laughing together and very often you giggled at whatever he had said. 

Manu was always confused as to why someone like you, could orbitate around Javier. 

Then, Carlos initiated his weird obsession with you. He still went after the girls in the office, but you seemed to linger longer in his mind. One of the reasons was that, just like Manu, he also couldn't stand Javier. And winning one of his girls would be a great victory for him. And also because you never gave Carlos the time of the day, and it drove him mad. Not many women refused him, but you did, so when flirtation didn't work, he turned his aim at you, and tried making you the office's joke, which Manu immediately put an end to it, when he was around at least. He didn't need people gossiping around and distracting themselves from work. 

So he just decided not to listen to any of that gossip and remind himself that everything that came from Carlos was pure shit. 

And then you were transferred to his department, and when he met you, he knew he'd made the right choice by not letting any gossip about you influence him. You were everything he'd dreamed of in a person and just the fact that you actually took a liking on him, was enough to show Manu that sometimes good things happened. 

During your brief relationship, Manu never really liked the fact you were once so close to Javier, but just as he had his own past relationships, you did too, besides, you were always so honest when you said you didn't have anything with him, you two were friends and nothing else, and well, as for Manuel, he had no reasons to doubt you.

He was bothered ever since he woke up the day before, he'd spent a wonderful night with you, you had finally had sex, he was staying at your house and that must've been a big deal, right? But once he woke up, he heard you whimpering and moaning in his sleep. He smirked happily, assuming you were dreaming of him and possibly wanted another round of him.

So he trailed kisses around your neck and your shoulder, which you sleepily welcomed with more moans, but then he heard Javier's name coming out of your lips.

Manu didn't really believe it at first, he must have misheard what you said, and even after he questioned you and you explained yourself saying you were just telling him good morning. Once again, he believed you, he had no reasons to doubt you after all. 

Then when you both got to the barbecue, he couldn't help but have that characteristic feeling of hatred and anger spreading through his body. The mere presence of Javier caused that. Everything about that guy bothered him, made his skin crawl and the fact he kept his stupid, ridiculous sunglasses on all the time pretending he wasn't eye fucking you, was driving him insane. 

Manu couldn't lie about the fact he was a little disappointed when you asked him to go home, he loved every minute of the night you had spent together and every fiber of his body was longing for a repetition of that, he wanted to do it again, to have you lost in his arms, being in so much pleasure you couldn't help but being loud as hell. However, he didn't want to overstay, if you were asking him to leave you had a good reason, and for the third time, Manuel Herrera believed in you because he had no other reason not to.

When he woke up that Sunday morning, he sighed as the side of the bed you were supposed to take as your own was cold and empty. He hoped he could wake up to your sleepy, smiley face, but that was not happening. He got up and made himself breakfast, taking his time to think about your relationship and smiled at himself, he had something good going on and he wanted to assure things would continue that way. An idea crossed his mind and after debating it with himself, he decided to do it, as there was a slim, but consistent possibility it would work out. 

He saw himself driving to the place of the guy he hated the most in the whole wide world: Javier Peña.

At first he hadn't planned it very well, but it was something pretty simple, he was going to talk to Javier in a straightforward way, no beating around the bush, he was just going to straightforward ask Javier to leave you alone once for all. 

He wasn't trying to control your friendships, but he didn't trust Javier and since you seemed to have been so vulnerable towards him, he thought it could be a nice request, a fair request, even. Especially since Javier had been treating you like shit for months, Manu thought it would be a decent idea. First he was going to knock on his door, have a chat with him and then he would go to your apartment, kiss you on the lips and take you out for lunch. 

He stood in front of Javier's door, knocking on it and as soon as the door opened, he recited the words he'd rehearsed in his mind, until he went completely silent at the image of you, standing there, naked underneath that shirt and Manu's world was forever changed by that. 

At first, it took him a split second to recognize you, he'd eyed first the naked legs and only then his gaze went up until the confirmation of who it was hit him harder than a train running right off the track. His first assumption was that it was just another hooker opening the door, but when he realized it was no one but his own girlfriend, it felt like the ground had disappeared from under his feet. 

"Manu?" You whispered in shock, he was literally the last person you thought that would knock on Javier's door. You were even holding his badge, being sure Javi himself returned to get it, but not your boyfriend. He just stood there, with a shocked and horrid expression, he didn't dare say a single word, instead he saw as your lower lip trembled and your eyes immediately filled with tears. 

"Manu" his name was nothing but a ghostly whisper coming out of your lips "I'm so sorry…" you began your apologies but he didn't want to hear any of it. 

He ran his hands through his hair, in frustration, pain, heartbreak.

"How long, Y/N?" His voice was steady, he really thought it was going to break, show you how gutted he really was, but to his own surprise, it came out as emotionless as it could be.

"Manu, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for anything to happen, I was gonna go and talk to you later today, explain to you what's happening, I know I hurt you, but I don't want you to hate me…" 

The way he stood there, not moving, not speaking, just staring at you was worse than if he was throwing a scene. So far, you had only met the good side of him, the side that was docile and sweet, you had no idea how he'd react to the shock of catching you red-handed. 

"How long, Y/N?" He repeated himself "how long have you been double dealing like that? How long have you been cheating on me with Peña?!" He raised his voice and grabbed you by the arm. His grip wasn't painful but it was strong enough so you couldn't simply break free from it. 

He took you inside Javier's apartment and closed the door, not wanting the neighbors to experience that scene. 

"I-I haven't been with Javier for long… it happened last night, but I was gonna talk to you Manu, I swear. You are a great guy, and you deserve someone good to you, someone who doesn't hurt your feelings and can love you…" you explained, as you couldn't control your sobs, too many feelings flooding you all at once, finally the guilt and shame you had been lacking appeared. It was completely different now, at the light of the day. During the night, you'd been so caught on in your feelings for Javier, he was arms length close to you, he was right there, you couldn't resist, and your boyfriend… well, at that moment he was just an idea, a thought pushed away to the back of your mind. But now, Manu stood there, flesh and bone, right in front of you, anger and disappointment all aimed at you, and he was right in every single aspect. What you did to him was inexcusable, you couldn't even try to justify… what could you tell him? You couldn't resist Javier? You were carried away in the moment? You loved Javier and the whole reason why you dated Manu in the first place was because he made you forget your heart break for a little while? Would all those excuses be enough for you if the roles were reversed and you just found out your boyfriend had spent the night with the woman you hated the most in the world? You knew it wasn't enough. 

"Ay, eres tan dulce!" He scoffed and looked at you, before turning around and taking a good look at the apartment "even when you were bouncing on Peña's cock you were still worried about my feelings… aren't you a great girlfriend?" 

"I'm so sorry Manu, I never meant to hurt you, I really care for you, but we are not right for each other.." 

"I'll give you one on that, querida, we are definitely not right for each other, because unlike your new boyfriend, I don't go out with whores" he said in a low voice "you know, Carlos always said you were one of those, a whore, a tiny little stupid girl who ran after Peña like a puppy with stupid heart eyes in hopes one day he would pay the slightest attention to you, and I always thought he was wrong… but now, I see he was absolutely right. I just came over to have a small chat with him, about you, by the way! So he would leave you alone, and I find you here, playing housewife, cleaning up after his mess, look at the way you are dressed, for fuck's sake, I've seen Peña pick up prostitutes wearing more clothes than you are right now! But I guess Carlos was right, you are not only a bitch, Y/N, but a real stupid one… out of all the men you could get involved with, you go and choose Peña?!" Manu laughed softly "I don't usually have hard feelings, and to be honest, if I could I'd wish you to be happy with him, but the problem is that I know you won't. Because he is an asshole, he's a manwhore, and you and your tight little pussy aren't gonna be able to keep him to yourself much longer, eventually he'll grow tired of you, and he'll go after other whores to seek the pleasure you won't be able to give him any longer, so I just know for a fact you won't be happy with him, but it's fine by me, because you deserve every single heartbreak he's gonna put you through, Y/N" Manu said giving you one last glance, a glance full of despise and walked out the door, leaving you alone with your guilt.

Now, if Manu had slapped you across the face, or kicked you in the guts it would've probably hurt less than his words. 

You knew he was right, you couldn't even try and argue, he was just right. You had played with his feelings, used him in order to feel better about yourself and pretty much just to make Javier jealous. 

You felt so ashamed of yourself and you wanted to curl up in some corner and disappear, everything he'd told you echoed through your mind. You didn't regret your night with Javi, not in a million of years, but now you saw you could have handled things better, not only that, you should have handled things better, that was the bare minimum. Manu never deserved the heartache you put him through and you would live with the guilt of that. 

You walked back to his bed and curled up under the blanket, you wanted him there, you wanted to assure yourself he was real, what you two had was something worth screwing up your relationship for, but at the same time your ex's words were haunting you. Was Manu really right? At some point, would Javi just get tired of you? 

You didn't know when you fell asleep, but you certainly did so while you were still crying, and only at the smell of Javier as you buried your face into your pillow was able to calm you down. 

                             •••

Now, Javier was annoyed. 

He wasn't just annoyed, he was pissed off. If he were trapped in a room with Steve Murphy and Pablo Escobar chances were he would shoot Murphy. 

Javi felt he had been ripped off a dream, he'd spent the perfect night with you, the woman he loved and craved and he had made plans to spend the perfect day with you. 

He would bring you breakfast in bed, sit next to you and enjoy your company, maybe share a cigarette with you. Then, he would invite you to shower and play with your tight, sweet and beautiful pussy there, kiss your body and soap all over it, so his hand would be a lot slippery when he explored your body. 

Taking you to bed, he would probably rail you, and god, he wouldn't save any of his fantasies, he would have you on top of him, doggy style, topping you, it didn't matter, he just wanted your body against his, he wanted to spill inside of you and keep you to himself. 

Then, as a gentleman, Javi would take you out on a date and finish this perfect Sunday buried balls deep inside of you once more. But then, Steve began knocking on his door like a madman demanding Javi to go check on La Quica information that led to nothing and deprived him from a whole day of you. 

He wondered what you were up to, though. As he drove through the streets of Colombia and pretended to hear Murphy's words, as he blabbered about his wife, his kid and his life. But Javi's mind… ohh that was elsewhere. 

He licked his lips and focused ahead, but all he could think of was you. He wondered if you went back to your place, if you'd changed clothes… what if you were on his bed, legs spread and fingering yourself thinking of him? The thought made him groan and his jeans get a little tighter.

"Wow, pay attention, man!!!" Steve suddenly said as Javi had run the red light and nearly hit another car. 

"Jesus… sorry" Javier mumbled as he got back to his senses, your sweet pussy nearly got him killed, he smirked at himself. 

It didn't take much longer to get home, he was just so eager to see you. Javi was convinced you were getting ready for your date, maybe he should have bought you some flowers? He wasn't sure, he hadn't been on a date in ages, what if you didn't like flowers? Was it possible? Women usually liked flowers. He could always get some on your way to the restaurant, it didn't really matter, he just wanted to be near you. 

He barely paid attention to Steve saying his goodbyes and got into his apartment. He knocked on your door first, but as he had no replies, he went to his own, maybe you were still there. 

He silently walked inside, and headed to his bedroom, he called you in a low voice but didn't get an answer, he didn't like that silence and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be taken back to his pop's ranch, he was sure he would never be welcomed by silence, instead there would always be music, laughter and giggles, coming from his loving wife, you and your babies. 

He shook his head, he couldn't keep having these thoughts, it was too damn early for that, he didn't even know if you relationship would last. He wanted to, of course, but he also knew you deserved better, so if you ever found someone really good and would like to be with the new guy, Javi was sure nothing could be done. 

But those self loathing thoughts died the moment he found you in his bed. You were still in his shirt and his heart clenched at the image. 

You were just so relaxed, so gorgeous, and he smiled at himself. It felt like a whiff of new air, leaving the suffocating feeling he constantly had in his life, his job and just going home to something good. Suddenly he understood what his dad meant, fuck, he understood what Steve meant. It was about having something to come back home to. 

Javi got rid of his shoes and sat next to the edge of the bed, he admired you, your hair, your body. You were everything Javier ever wished for, and he was aware it was too much for him, but it didn't matter at that time. 

His hand went for your hair, caressing it gently, seeing how you barely moved in your sleep. His hand ran down your back this time, he stroked you over the shirt, and saw how it rolled up, exposing your cheeks. He bit his lips, your ass was so perfect, so gorgeous, inviting, it was a sight that would always drive him insane, but at that very moment, he didn't want to touch you inappropriately, he wanted to feel you closer. He lowered his body and sank his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, it smelled like home to him. Javier chuckled at himself at how pathetic he was, you definitely put him under your spell and he loved every single minute of it. 

When Javi wrapped his arm around you, you shifted and raised yourself startled as you didn't even remember falling asleep in the first place. 

You turned around and saw him, he looked puzzled, confused even, but you didn't care. You just threw your arms around his neck and pulled you for a real tight hug. You tried controlling your tears, but it was hard. That heaviness in your chest wouldn't go away, it seemed every time you took your breath something stung inside and it was like a pool of tears were being contained by a thin curtain that was about to burst at any minute. 

Javi just held you, keeping you in his embrace as tight as he could, though he immediately demanded to know what was going on. Through his mind the worst possible scenarios ran freely, he gulped thinking of what could've happened to you, fuck, for a moment he feared even someone from Los Pepes had tried to harm you in any way, but when your shaky, low voice professed the name of your now, ex-boyfriend, everything made sense. 

Truth was, Javier was so drunk in love, he spent his afternoon living in a world where only you and him mattered and only you and him were a couple. No one else existed, no else was in the picture, so of course he forgot about Manu's pathetic existence, and consequently, also forgot you were going to talk to him.

"Shit baby, what happened? Did he hurt you? Did that motherfucker harm you? If he touched a strand of your hair I'll go over there and I'll fucking kill him!!!" Javier raged, though you didn't seem physically bad, he didn't trust Manuel at all. But your head shook and your grip got tighter around his body, in a clear sign you didn't want him to leave at all. 

So he patiently waited. He rubbed your back, pulling you so close you were now on his lap again, and for the sweet coincidence of having you on top of him like that for the second time in less than twenty four hours, he smiled. With the exception that this time you were the one who needed to be comforted. 

And eventually you started talking. 

You told him in details, how you noticed Javi had forgotten his badge and you were just so sure he was the one knocking on the door. You told him about Manu's shock, how silent he was, until how he crushed you with his words. 

But you didn't stop there, you looked into Javier's eyes, not hiding your tears and told him how every single word Manu had told you was right, how guilty you felt and his heart shattered, as he had no clue on how he could help you. 

Javi cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears with his long fingers and pecked your forehead. 

"Guilt is painful too, when you have conscious, it hurts to deceive someone you care about. I'm sorry it is eating you up alive, cariño, but the damage is done and all I can tell you is that I'm here for you… maybe it's too soon, maybe it's stupid but if you want to try, I want to try, we can make something out of this situation… maybe what he talked about last night, about the ranch, about leaving our jobs, maybe it could happen.." 

Javier's eyes were so hopeful, so full of expectation you couldn't even believe in yourself. It was just too much, too many feelings overwhelming you, crushing you and he was there, wanting to date you. 

Oh my god, the date.

You were supposed to go on a date with Javi, and there you were, crying your eyes out because your ex barked a few mean words to you. 

You felt so angry and so tired, you could feel another wave of hot tears threatening to spill from your eyes, but his soft touch snapped you out of your crisis. 

"Come on, princesa, let me get you home" he said in a calm voice, helping you out of his bed and crossing the hallway with you. It was funny how close you two were living and how easy it was to just come and go. 

He closed the door to your apartment behind him and once more cupped your cheeks, holding your head in place and making you pay attention to him.

"You need to rest, you're too nervous… it's just a lot of emotions, I ain't no expert, but I guess it is making you suffer, so you should take a shower, put on some of your own clothes…" he pointed at his own shirt that covered so little of your beautiful body "we can just go on our date tomorrow or some other day, there's no pressure… I can also stay tonight, or not… you can think about that while you shower" his voice was calm and he just walked you to your room, opening the wardrobe and picking you something he thought you would enjoy wearing. 

That was some domestic Javier Peña you didn't think you would ever witness. It made your heart warm, melting slowly and you suddenly felt like your chest had been cleared away, like a wave of good, positive feelings were going through your veins and for a brief second, that known feeling everything would be alright. 

You didn't even bother looking at the clothes he pick vced for you, instead, you just got rid of his shirt.

"Javi?" You whispered and waited as he turned around, you rested your arms on the side of your full naked body, a little nervous, not sure what to do with them, as Javier stopped everything he was doing and stared at your gorgeous, naked body. 

He had touched you, and he had eaten you out, sure, but it was dark the night before, he'd seen you but not as explicit as he was at that moment, and he loved it. 

He could feel his cock twitching in his pants and didn't hesitate in walking to you, arms around you, pulling you for a deep kiss. 

You corresponded to it, wanting his body on yours. It wasn't enough, you were craving him just as much as he craved you. 

"I want you to shower with me, Javi… please" you begged against his lips, though you knew you didn't have to beg, he would take you right there and then if it were to him. 

As you helped him undress, you both jumped at the phone ringing.

You ignored it at first, your hands unbuttoning his painfully see through white shirt, giggling as you kissed along his jawline and down his neck. 

But then the phone rang again, and again and at some point, Javier sighed annoyed and broke the kiss, walking to your living room and picking it up. He didn't care if it was your mom, your dad, your sister or Pablo Escobar calling you, he didn't make any efforts to sound remotely polite, he just wanted whoever was calling you to stop. 

"Oh, hello agent Peña… I've been calling your apartment but I had a gut feeling you would pick up Y/N's phone…" Manu's voice greeted the man with a sinister excitement, he sounded way too happy for someone who had just found out he'd been cheated on.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt your night, but as Y/N might have mentioned, I got the evening shift at the station tonight and we made an arrest… now our prisoner is asking specifically for you, to see if you can help with the release" 

Javier's blood ran cold. 

What if they'd arrested someone from Los Pepes, that would explain why that son of a bitch was probably grinning as he talked on the phone. In fact, the whole call was weird, it sounded like a trap to begin with, but he'd called and asked for Javier himself, and not for you… so he didn't really think Manu would try and do something against him, then yes, you confirmed he had the evening shift that Sunday, which meant he might have been telling the truth. 

And it also meant Javier would only find out when he got there. 

At first he said no when you insisted on going with him, even if Manu had come up with an evil plan, Javi was driving towards the office, there was no problem, there were always so many people no matter what time of the day, so he couldn't really try to do anything against him. But Javier wasn't comfortable with the situation, what if it was indeed someone from Los Pepes, he didn't want you to see it, to witness it… it was humiliating, embarrassing even. But then you gave him those beautiful puppy eyes of yours and he had to give in, he always did when you begged him right. 

As you both arrived not later than 30 minutes, you both saw Manu waiting at the door, he was in his full uniform and smiling big as he realized you'd come along. Just like he had planned. 

He greeted you both good evening, which was ignored as Javier rushed inside, getting to the cells as fast as possible, you followed him right behind, being also tense and curious to know who was the mysterious prisoner. 

"So, as I was trying to say, the prisoner is an old friend of yours, Agent Peña…" Manuel couldn't hide his excitement as the two of you stood in silence.

"JAVIIIII!!!" a squeaky voice came from the inside of the cell, where the prostitute was being held. 

"G-Gabi?" Javier stuttered, swallowing hard as he looked from you to the woman. 

Gabriela used to be his favorite girl to go to when he needed a hand… or a mouth… or any other part really. He'd spent quite a lot on her services over the years and the two of them had the closest thing Javier could call a relationship before you came along. He'd paid for her services, enjoy them and she would still linger around for a cigarette or two, there was even a time she ended up falling asleep next to him, and they only woke up in the morning, and of course, she didn't charge any extras. 

Manu saw your jealousy expression and felt so much joy. He had predicted Javier would screw things up with you, but he just had no idea of how fast he would do it. Even if Manu was enjoying every single second of it, even he thought it was kind of ridiculous how quick your fantasy of living a happy life with Javier was falling into pieces. Because even if he did get his shit together - which Manu and everyone, even you deep down, doubt it, would you still be able to deal with his past?

Manuel grabbed the key and opened the cell "here it is, the person you requested, ma'am" he bit his lip to try to hide the smile the moment Gabi dramatically wrapped herself around Javier's neck and began crying into his shirt, telling him a sob story of how one of her clients refused to pay so the situation turned into a whole scene and the cops were called and she was arrested even if it was unfair. 

Your stomach churned at the scene and you tried your best to remind yourself Javier had a life before you, a very busy one, but would that be frequent? From time to time you'd have to handle ghosts from this past like that?

When that that woman who knew your man better than you did, intimately, more than you did, wrapped her arms around his neck, you knew you had enough for the night, not only for that, but for the whole weekend. 

You turned around and walked out of the station.

____

A/N: so I guess Manu's "revenge" was pretty satisfying, wasn't it? I told you guys I wouldn't turn him into a bad guy, and idk to me he had all the right to call reader that way and he could've done it even worse but I guess he's just a good guy after all. And then he had a little help from destiny and now we gotta wait and see what happens next!!! Tell me what you guys think of this chapter besties ❤️

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña x y/n #javier peña fanfic #javier peña fanfiction #javier peña imagine #javier pena #javier pena x reader #javier pena x y/n #javier pena x you #javier pena fanfic #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena imagine

[alargehunkofdebris]

The Unseen Apology Dynamic (And Dancing)

The thing about TV and media (and life in general) is that it can often give a biased, unrealistic look of a relationship simply by showing only a few days of it. This happens with reality shows, but it also happens with fictional shows. In terms of Good Omens, from what we’ve seen in the two seasons, we’re given the impression that Crowley is always the one admitting he’s wrong, with Aziraphale always waiting for him to come back and apologize.

Now, as far as this story goes, that is the case. We, narratively, need Aziraphale to have this arc of admitting he’s wrong about this very big thing he’s always been wrong about because the show is set up that way and this is the story it's telling. However, in terms of their actual relationship over many, many years, this has (likely) not been the set dynamic; I think the two of them have a very balanced history of being right and wrong, and admitting it accordingly. We have evidence, with the receipts Aziraphale provides about his frequency doing the apology dance, that he's no stranger to being absolutely in the wrong. In fact, there’s a good chance this is the first time Crowley’s had to do the apology dance himself in a very long time. With the vehemence that Aziraphale gave those dates, it sounds as though he had given the last several of the dances—there wouldn’t be any need to list them off with such vigor if the dance has been performed equally in the last 400ish years.

Now, I also don’t think Aziraphale is the only one that made mistakes in the past 400 years, either. That doesn’t seem right. It could simply be because Aziraphale just never pulled the “apology dance” card, and has always settled for a simple spoken apology or (more likely) food offering. The dance seems like a very Crowley thing to ask, because food isn’t as big an interest and speech isn’t something Aziraphale has any trouble with (unlike Crowley, who uses one thousand syllables to say three words).

I’d also believe that their dynamic is more “one who makes a lot of small errors, and the other who makes rarer, but heftier errors.” Crowley would get away with a lot of small apologies for smaller mistakes, whereas Aziraphale’s screwups are fewer, but bigger, and Crowley uses the rare occasions to have fun with it. He knows angels don’t dance, so he uses it as a unique punishment.

And as a kind of side note, this gives all kinds of weight behind him saying “You don’t dance” to the person he routinely made dance over hundreds of years. It’s quite a funny hidden joke, but it also just shows how their relationship is growing. I’m imagining B99, and Jake and Amy’s relationship pre-dating. Lots of jokes, lots of messing with each other. The apology dance is like the bet in the first season, with Jake forcing Amy to wear that awful dress on their horrible date. Then, later on, they actually have a grown-up conversation on the roof, where they learn things about each other, and it’s where their relationship really starts.

Crowley made Aziraphale do funny dances over the years as an apology, but only just finds out Aziraphale is the only angel who ever loved dancing. They know each other so well in so many ways, but absolutely not at all in other ways. They know how to joke with each other, have good conversation and debates, bicker and apologize in equal measure, know each other’s every tone of voice and current habit, but they still have past lives they’ve not even begun to unpack. That’s what’s happening now. It’s the best part of a relationship, really. The “learning about” phase.

They just need to kinda get over this slightly large speedbump before they get back on track.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #gos2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens s2 spoilers #good omens season 2 spoilers #gos2 #good omens meta #good omens 2 meta

[audhd-nightwing]

teen wolf as b99 quotes

*lydia’s party in s2*

lydia: why is no one having a good time? i specifically requested it.

***

isaac, to lydia: derek told me not to let him get hurt tonight, so i’ll keep him away from you.

later

stiles: have you seen lydia?

isaac: lydia died eight years ago.

***

derek: oh, are you and allison no longer…

scott: smushing booties?

derek: …yes that’s exactly how i was going to phrase my sentence, scott.

***

stiles: we gotta get to hospital and we gotta get there fast.

jackson: then i should drive.

scott: why you?

jackson: i have nothing to live for and i drive like it.

stiles: …okay, let’s do it.

***

stiles: all right, give me your hair-dryer.

allison: what?

stiles: don’t you carry one in your purse?

allison: have you ever met a human woman?

stiles: …*calls lydia*

lydia: hey, stiles.

stiles: hey. do you carry a hair-dryer in your purse?

lydia: of course. i’m not an animal.

***

stiles: you think you can just bully people, but you can’t. it’s not okay.

stiles: i’m the bully around here. ask anyone.

***

erica: i’m not a stone cold bitch.

erica: i’m a natural, beautiful presence.

***

stiles: do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?

***

peter: we can go to my apartment. no one knows where i live.

derek: i thought you had stiles over once.

peter: yeah, it was fun. i moved the next day.

peter: he would way too easily use that information against me.

stiles: he’s right, i would.

***

scott: stiles, i screwed up, big time.

stiles: scott, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

***

kira: ‘writing things down’ is nerdy!? what do you do?

malia: i just forget stuff like a cool person.

***

allison: you are disturbingly good at this.

lydia: i grew up forging report cards.

lydia: if people knew how smart i was, it would have been harder to control them.

***

stiles: are you a minor? how old are you?

liam: i’m 610. i’m a highlander.

stiles: okay, you know what? i’m gonna put that in there.

stiles: and then you’re gonna be tried as an adult highlander, and they’re gonna cut your head off.

***

erica: what do you look for in a guy?

stiles: i don’t know, real stuff. shape of his ass.

erica: yeah that tracks

***

scott: i straight up drove him off, big screw up on my part.

derek:

scott: i’m trying this new thing, where i just own my mistakes. i like it, do you?

derek: i did. until you bragged about it.

***

boyd: you searched for ‘cheapest date possible’.

stiles: and i wear that search like a badge of honor.

***

scott: wow, your handshake is quite firm.

kira: i took a seminar.

scott: where?

***

stiles: a parsec is actually a measure of distance. that’s one of the many inaccuracies in the ‘Star Wars’ universe.

malia: and what’s ‘Star Wars’?

stiles: oh boy.

***

scott: okay- no big deal, five days is nothing. i’m not afraid to be alone with my own thoughts.

scott: my thoughts are awesome. die hard 6 on a cruise ship… pizza bagel restaurant…

scott: my father never loved me, i’m gonna die alone.

scott: oh boy, that escalated quick.

***

stiles: well, remember when you told me not to burn down the precinct?

sheriff stilinski: you burned down the precinct??

stiles: no, i had the fire put out almost immediately. this is a success story!

***

stiles: peter, this isn’t High School Musical.

scott: yeah, peter, this isn’t High School Musical 2.

stiles: yeah, and it isn’t High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

***

boyd: i’m fine at parties.

boyd: i just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.

***

derek: i only feel one emotion, and it’s anger.

isaac: last night you drunk-texted the whole pack a bunch of heart emojis.

derek: …out of anger.

***

stiles, to jackson: no hard feelings. but i hate you.

stiles: not joking. bye.

***

lydia: give me the ring.

stiles: ha, you sound like Gollum.

lydia: that means nothing to me.

lydia: i don’t see those movies, i’m too pretty.

***

stiles, walking out after a pack meeting ends: sexy train is leaving the station.

stiles: check out this caboose! later, sluts.

***

scott: look at me. do not blow this for us.

random dog that allison hit with her car:

***

peter: i really miss these people, the whole pack. stiles, scott…

peter: …i forget all their other names.

derek: *judgemental eyebrow raise*

#teen wolf #source: b99 #b99 quotes #incorrect quotes #brooklyn 99 #stiles stilinski #derek hale #scott mccall #lydia martin #isaac lahey #erica reyes #vernon boyd #allison argent #kira yukimura #peter hale #sheriff stilinski #malia tate #jackson whittemore #hale pack #teen wolf incorrect quotes #stiles and lydia are jake and gina #also derek is rosa #aka grumpy leather jacket bisexual

[kairiscorner]

🌼 anon dropping by to drop a thought she had

so im a romcom/sitcom girly all the way, and im just imagining watching one with miguel (you had to force him ofc :3)

and soon enough he actually gets invested in it, but he'd rather collapse the whole multiverse than to admit it

IM JUST IMAGINING HIM WATCHING B99 WITH YOU AND YOU SWEAR YOU SEE HIM SMILING AT JAKE AND AMY MOMENTS :((

RAHHHHHH as someone who loves sitcoms too, THIS WAS SO CUTE AND FUN TO MAKE HEHEHE I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS !!

watching late night sitcoms with miggy. — miguel o'hara x reader

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

he never saw what was so funny about these sitcoms that you loved so much–hailing from the future, he had other ways to derive his entertainment from, not through watching real live people perform pranks, stunts, tell jokes, and hearing laugh tracks after a suggestively funny gag. you didn't cease laughing whenever your favorite actors and actresses came on screen to play a gag you already saw coming–miguel, however, remained as stoic as ever and merely raised an eyebrow at their suggestively 'hilarious' jokes.

miguel was lost whenever you were laughing and he couldn't even identify the remotely hilarious part of the joke. he'd raise his eyebrow, shake his head and slap his thigh gently after raising his hand to shrug. "i don't get it, what's so funny...?" he'd consistently say in many different ways. you tell him every time that if you explain the joke, it ceases being funny anymore, so you snuggle up to him–all smiles and giggles–and wrap his larger, warmer arm around you and kiss his palms just... because. this is the only reason why miguel looks forward to sitcom night, it's a night when both of you can be unafraid and get all overly intimate with you on the couch while the show is playing the background; making you both feel less awkward, less alone, and more... more natural, in a way.

you two were watching one of your favorite sitcoms, brooklyn 99, one evening and were watching a moment between a cute couple in the show–jake peralta and amy santiago–having their first meeting when they were younger and new to being detectives. as the two shook hands for the first time, with jake's friend–charles boyle–teased the two new acquaintances that he 'hears wedding bells ringing'. that joke was the first one miguel found himself grinning at, because the exact same thing was said from his 'friend' (he prefers to call him his 'associate') peter b when he saw you two introducing yourselves to each other. now married yourselves and spending the rest of your lives together–living out adventures and mundane chores day by day–he couldn't ask for anything more than to be your level-minded 'amy santiago' to your charming, childish 'jake peralta'.

"hey..." he said as he brushed stray hairs away from your forehead as you looked up at him, tearing your gaze away from the TV as you rested your head on his lap. "yeah?" "i fucking love you." he said as he raised your head up to meet his halfway and pecked a sweet, loving kiss on your lips, catching you by surprise. as he pulled away, you chuckled and gave him a finger gun gesture. "title of your sex tape." you quipped, referencing peralta's catch phrase whenever somebody made a remotely sexual joke, which was on time with the laugh track playing from the TV. miguel rolled his eyes and kissed you again, making out with you the whole night through on the couch and muttering in between kisses just how much more lively his life got when you entered his life.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara fluff #spiderman 2099 x reader #atsv miguel x reader #x reader #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #atsv fluff #atsv fanfiction #atsv imagines #spiderverse x reader #across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse fluff #spiderman across the spiderverse fanfiction

[hotchaways]

Coffee and Doughnuts 

Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Reader

summary: You come to work late with an unwanted visitor: period cramps. It’s a good thing that Aaron’s there to look out for you.

prompts: “I’m dying.” & “You’re not dying.”

content: Fluff, Hotch making dad jokes, mentions of period cramps, BAU team, Aaron being a softie, references to the B99 scene when Amy was late for work, two idiots in love

word count: 1.9k

A/N: WEEEE, i’ve finally gotten around to posting my first one shot with our favorite boss man, hotch! i thought this was really fun to write from the prompts i crossed paths with….but with a twist of one of the world’s biggest enemies: period cramps. anyways, let me know what you think! feedback is greatly appreciated for me to improve in the future :)

let me know if you want to be a part of my taglist!

Maybe it was a mistake to go to work knowing that you were suffering from your monthly period. You were close to believing the universe was against you this time when you realized you forgot to stock up on your painkillers and you were running late to work because your car had a flat tire.

“Wait for it. Wait for it,” Derek said as he pointed over at the clock with the rest of the team waiting alongside him, “It’s 9:01, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) is officially late for work for the first time ever.”

Spencer tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms, “Unusual thing for her, though. She’s usually here to welcome my ramblings early in the morning. Although, it was revealed that 29% of employees do show up to work late at least once a month.”

Derek let out a laugh and shook his head, “Alright, let’s do this. Who’s got theories?”

“Uh…” Penelope trailed off before a thought came to mind, “I guess her alarm didn’t go off? It’s happened to me a few times, so that could be it.”

“All three alarms?” Rossi replied, deadpanned, “We know that she has battery back-up alarms, c’mon, who wants to take this seriously?”

Emily snapped her fingers and points at Derek, “Oh! She was abducted by aliens in her sleep.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Prentiss,” Derek laughed as he high fived her, “More plausible than baby girl’s alarm clock theory. She probably tucked herself in bed too tight and couldn’t get out.”

“Is tucking yourself too tight even possible?” JJ raised her eyebrows at Derek, who shrugged in response, “I would say…traffic, but I’ll take it back because it doesn’t correlate with (Y/N)’s ethics.”

The team’s antics and playful debate did not go unnoticed by Aaron, who was silently working through the mountain of files he had to accomplish for the day. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit worried about you being late for work. Most of the time, you were there working away at your desk when he came in for the day. You’d always look up from your paperwork to greet him with a smile– something that Aaron looked forward to everyday and something that made his heart beat a little faster than usual.

Aaron sighed as he stood up to make his way down to the bullpen. The team had their backs to him, which led him to clearing his throat to get their attention, “What’s going on here?”

“(Y/L/N) isn’t here yet, sir,” Penelope replied, “We’re setting down theories as to what could be the cause of it. We have an alarm that didn’t go off, alien abduction, tucked in bed too tight, and traffic.”

“Whatever the reason is, I’m sure (Y/L/N) will be coming to work today,” Aaron said, nonchalantly, “She would’ve informed us beforehand if she wouldn’t, so I suggest that we all get back to work to lessen the piles on our desks.”

As the team muttered a string of compliances and walked to their desks, you entered the BAU office with your eyebrows furrowed and hurriedly took place at your desk, passing by the rest of the team with no words uttered. Aaron took a quick glance at your slumped posture as you read over the paperwork to be done for the day, he frowned from the lack of greeting as he made his way back to the confines of his office.

You muttered incoherences as you worked through the stack of papers from the period cramps were pushing you to the verge of irritation, “Stupid, stupid paperwork.”

Emily peeked up from her desk to look at you, “Hey, (Y/L/N), you good?”

“Peachy. Just fucking peachy,” You looked up to smile in annoyance, “You know, maybe if Eve didn’t eat the apple, women wouldn’t have their uterus shedding every month!”

“Ah, I see we have the red monster visiting us today,” Emily snickered and shook her head, “We should’ve guessed that instead of aliens abducting you in your sleep.”

“I would love to be abducted by aliens if they had the permanent cure to period cramps, it’s stopping me from efficiency.”

“It also stopped you from greeting lover boy Hotch this morning,” Emily stuck her tongue out as she dodged the pen you threw over at her, “As if it isn’t obvious, (Y/L/N)! You should’ve seen his frown when you just passed by him.”

“Isn’t that his signature look, though?” You muttered, “How long have you known?”

Emily dragged herself over with her swiveling chair, “You know that you’re both idiots, right? God, the yearning that radiates off the two of you.”

Your nose scrunched up from the surge of pain that coursed through you, “Well, keep it to yourself, I could turn into an unsub if you make it any obvious. I don’t want things to get uncomfortable.”

“We’re profilers, (Y/L/N), it’s only the both of you missing out on each other’s sappiness,” Emily jokingly made kissing noises as she drags herself back to her desk.

You should’ve known that your co-workers would eventually find out or maybe you were just a bit obvious. No, you were certain that you were doing a good job at hiding it. Or maybe you weren’t.

It was probably bound to happen. The lingering hand Aaron would put on your lower back when an opportunity would present itself to him. The moments when he’d drape his jacket over you as you slept on the jet, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Dave. The morning coffees and brighter smiles you gave him, which Emily teased you about more than once. The magnetic force between the two of you as you always found yourselves sitting next to each other whenever possible.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you looked over at Aaron’s office to see him talking on the phone while he was reading through his files. Does he know? Are the both of you actually idiots? You didn’t realize how long you’ve been looking until both of your eyes met and he gave you a small smile that got your cheeks heating up as you turned back to your paperwork. Stupid, stupid crush.

Time passed, your period cramps didn’t– in fact, it even got worse without medication. Reading a page took you longer than usual, the words looking hazy and started to become gibberish to your mind because the pain was affecting how well you comprehended the information before you.

As lunch time came around, Spencer walked to you slumped over your desk to ask you if you had the energy to eat out with the team. You groaned and shook your head as you muttered out a ‘No, I’ll try to nap this out’, which may have been incoherent from your cheek squished against your desk. Spencer pat your back and told you that he’d bring you back some food to eat if you felt any better.

Aaron bumped into Spencer as he stepped out the elevator to make his way back to the office holding a takeaway container with two coffees on top of a box of doughnuts. He opened his mouth to say something but Spencer told him that you decided to stay behind for lunch. Aaron didn’t miss the knowing look on Spencer’s face when he saw what was on his hands. He didn’t mind though, he wanted to look after you because that’s what friends do, right? At least that was what he convinced himself to avoid his feelings from blossoming further– it didn’t though.

He stood beside your sleeping form and gently placed his hand on your shoulder, “(Y/L/N).”

You opened your eyes and groaned, “With all due respect, Hotch, I’m dying. Please let me suffer.”

“You’re not dying. Last I checked you’re (Y/N), not dying.”

You sarcastically laughed and gave him a thumbs up, “Great dad joke. Let me give you a 5/10.”

“Uh, I got you some Motrin and food to eat. Thought you could use some coffee,” Aaron mumbled as he set the medicine, cup of coffee, and box of doughnuts on your desk, “I heard that sweets could help during your period, just not entirely sure about that.”

Your eyebrows were raised in confusion as you sat up to look at him, “Oh. Um, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Aaron said with a nervous smile as he rubbed his fingers together, “I’ll get back to my office, but you could eat there or do your paperwork on the couch, I don’t mind the company.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

The two of you settled on the couch in his office, falling into conversation as you consumed the coffee and doughnuts. You wished you could spend more days laughing with Aaron– no, you wished you could just be with Aaron. Even with silence lingering around the atmosphere as the both of you worked, you didn’t mind. Neither did Aaron.

Aaron couldn’t help but look at you fondly as your eyebrows were furrowed in concentration while you read through the folder in your hand. He wanted to kiss you right there and then. The universe seemed to listened to him when you looked at him with the smile that he loved seeing.

“What’s up? Do I have something on my face?”

He gently put his hand on your cheek, which you leaned into. You noticed how his eyes flickered to your lips and you knew then and there that Emily was right. You leaned closer and Aaron found himself smiling again- something he couldn’t help whenever he was around you. The two of you thinking about how it’s finally happening, despite not believing the team when they teased about it.

Aaron softly pressed his lips against yours and you felt your whole world spinning. You wanted this moment to last forever, you never expected this to happen. Not on a day you thought that the universe was against you.

He pulled away to say something, but you gave him no opportunity to do so as you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him for another kiss. The both of you were smiling through the kiss and you pulled away to give yourselves a breather.

“Hi,” Aaron smiled as he rested his forehead against yours.

“Hi,” You said smiling, “So, how long have you wanted to do that?”

“Probably not longer than you did,” Aaron teased, “What do you think about dinner tonight?”

“As long as it’s with you, it’d be wonderful,” You smiled as you kissed his cheek, “Coffee and doughnuts just like this would be great, too.”

Aaron grinned, kissing you once more- something he’ll never get tired of despite the fact that this is just the beginning of your story. He hopes to kiss you every time the sun rises, and you hope for the same, too.

“Back to work, SSA Hotchner. I could hear the team coming in the bullpen,” You laughed.

“I don’t mind, Dave called me an idiot the other day,” Aaron said as he smiled and shook his head.

“They’re right though. We are oblivious idiots, we should get fired from the job.”

Aaron thought you were right, the both of you were oblivious idiots- but, he didn’t mind the long wait. He would’ve waited for as long as he had to just to have his arms around you, like the way it is right now. And, he may be an idiot for not knowing it any sooner, but he does know one thing for sure- he wants you forever. And you do, too.

#aaron hotchner #hotch x reader #hotch #hotch x you #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #one shot #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #hotch x fem!reader #hotch fluff #reader insert #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #riley writes

[qcswrites]

Sowing the Seeds of Love - Part II: Full Bloom

Read Part I - Budding Love HERE :)

Synopsis: Burdened by his duties from a young age, Neteyam had little time to partake in the joys of youthful romance, his only release being fleeting moments of intimacy with various females. His longing for a more passionate affair had begun with a burning desire to have you. But you never saw him.

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya Reader

Content: Romance, Fluff, Drama, Angst, Friends to Lovers

Warnings: Adult content 18+ MDNI

Word count: 10k

Author's note: Hello, friends! I'm back! This took longer than planned but it's a little longer than the first chapter so I hope that helps :) It's Neteyam's POV before/during/after the events of Part I. P.S. there's a tiny B99 reference somewhere in here. If you happen to catch it, we could be friends haha hope you enjoy!

I hope I haven't missed anyone but thank you all for enjoying my work :) @vivid-ink @ntymavtr @swaggygurlbae @vintaqestar @mahalkomarvel @riatesullironalite @luvteyams @investedreader

Also on AO3: Full Bloom

Your hair was arranged prettily atop your head, flowers tucked carefully into it, peeking out from behind the pointed tips of your ears. You were stunning. For many months now, Neteyam had burned for you, with the closeness of your families morphing into a slow form of torture. Night after night, he had sat across from you, forced to sate his desires with only the proximity of your delectable scent. 

“Neteyam.” Your voice startled him out of his reverie.

“Yes?”

“Some more stew?” You offered, blinking up at him innocently, holding a bowl of yerik stew. 

“Ah.” He accepted the bowl easily, shivering ever so slightly when his fingertips grazed yours during the exchange. He rarely spoke to you, though it was not for lack of interest. Clearly. In truth, he found himself severely lacking in nerve when it came to approaching you outside of the meals you shared with his family. Some mighty warrior he was. 

He had grown up alongside you, a natural consequence of your parents’ long-standing friendship. Yet, he had never quite managed the closeness that you shared with his brother. Much of his youth had been spent training and learning the ways of the future leadership of the clan, and he had always eschewed notions of romance, his only release being fleeting moments of intimacy with various females. 

Though your paths rarely crossed in the daytimes, he had harboured a quiet affection for you. Fondness would come to him, unbidden, as he watched you patiently care for Txep and treat the injured when he visited his grandmother in the healer’s alcove. 

Only in the last while, his fondness had morphed into something more. It had become an ache that left his heart racing in the daytimes and skin slick with perspiration in the nights as titillating images of you flashed through his mind more frequently than he’d care to admit. 

But you never saw him. Neteyam had wondered many times in the moons past whether you could feel his burning gaze on you, eventually coming to the bitter conclusion that his newfound desires went completely unnoticed. It seemed inconceivable for his world to have shifted on its axis the way it had and for yours to have remained the same. But that was the reality….

Neteyam let himself indulge in a moment of weakness then, allowing himself the pleasure of thinking that it had been his face you had imagined as you adorned your hair with pretty flowers earlier that evening. But it was a lie. Those flowers were not for him, but for the man seated next to you. 

Irritation flared in his gut as he caught your gaze lingering on his brother as he laughed jovially at some joke that he had himself had missed, too caught up in lamenting the tragic state of affairs he found himself in. More maddening was the fact that Lo’ak, the skxawng, was utterly oblivious to your affections. 

“Bro? You there? Hello?” Neteyam started as a hand waved in his face. 

“What?”

“Dad was asking about tomorrow,” Lo’ak continued, slightly amused at his bleariness. “You know? The mission?”

“Ah,” Neteyam said, reverting to warrior-mode, momentarily forgetting his disgruntlement. “The scout party has reported some unusual activity on the edge of the settlement.”

“Could it be hostiles? His father enquired, concern colouring his expression. Though it had been years since the tawtute had been banished from their lands, deep-seated misgivings between the clans had persisted, manifesting in occasional skirmishes along territorial boundaries. 

“The scout party believes so,” he answered in the affirmative, expression turning grave at the thought of what the next day would bring. Hostiles were often outcasts with limited supplies and capacity to inflict harm on their people. But, he knew better than to underestimate the tenacity of men with little left to lose. 

“What’s the plan?”

“The scout party believes that they have set up camp near the waterfall. We will surround the area after dawn tomorrow and secure it.” Neteyam continued, quietly relieved for the distraction from his own inner turmoil. 

“They’ll put up a fight, no doubt,” added Lo’ak, a faint smile playing on his lips. 

Neteyam shook his head at his brother’s cavalier attitude. Lo’ak had a proclivity for missions such as this, which were fraught with danger, finding a thrill amidst the peril. “It’s not a laughing matter, bro,” he rebuked, expression darkening at the memory. “Aran nearly lost his arm from the infection.”

Lo’ak only waved him off. “Nothing will happen,” he remarked, eyes flicking over to you as he spoke his next words. “And if it did, you’ll patch me up, won’t you?”

Neteyam turned to face you, watching as a faint blush coloured your cheeks at his words. “Of course.”

A heat brewed low in his belly at the sight, followed immediately by a wave of guilt at his own misplaced anger. He knew he was being unfair, in that you knew nothing of his feelings for you, let alone returned them.

He loved his brother more than life itself but in truth, he could not help but wonder why you pined after him so. Lo’ak was handsome, well-liked by the women of the clan and had his fair share of casual dalliances. You stood by and watched it all while still never wavering in your feelings for the man. If he did not feel so conflicted about the object of your affections, he would have admired your loyalty. 

Your soft giggles drew his gaze back to you, where Lo’ak had since joined you, poking your side teasingly as an inside joke, no doubt, slipped past his lips. His envy reared its ugly head once more, and he found the heat in his belly returning at the cosy sight of the two of you. 

Great Mother, he needed to get away. 

* * *

Neteyam grunted softly as she moved rhythmically above him, fingernails digging into the skin of his chest. His hands trailed her lithe form, coming to land on her hips, guiding her movements. Closing his eyes, he relished in the pleasure he gleaned from the friction between their bodies. 

He had been seeing Nimira quietly for months now. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, a quick release in the woods after evening patrol. But somehow, all these months later, he found himself pinned underneath the familiar weight of her as she rocked desperately against him, desperate for release. 

She was close, he could tell from her increasingly frenzied movements. He met her movements, frustration growing as his own peak eluded him. Something was wrong. In a swift movement, he had her on her back, hand cupping the back of her head gently. 

She gasped, startled at the sudden movement. “Neteyam, what—”

“Let me take care of it,” he murmured, thrusting more insistently against her. Her complaint faded into a series of breathy moans and sighs. 

Soon enough, he felt the familiar feeling of his own mounting ecstasy, breath hitching and movements growing more frantic as he reached his peak. He reached down, rubbing Nimira furiously where they were joined, willing himself not to spill before she reached her peak. 

In the aftermath of his pleasure, he turned over to glance at Nimira, who lay panting heavily on her back. 

“I’m sorry, Nim,” he said, slightly shamefaced. “If I was too rough.”

She laughed softly, turning her body to face him. “You don’t have to apologise,” she said slowly, reaching out to run her hand gently down his arm. “It was good. Really good.”

Relief flooded him and he smiled reassuringly at her. Nimira knew of Leyna. His feelings for you were not a secret but he wondered sometimes if she would be quite so nonchalant if she knew the depth of what he felt for you. He suspected that she would not take too kindly to the sensual fantasies of you that entered his mind, unbidden, during their dalliances. 

“You’re frustrated, today, Neteyam,” she said softly, breaking the comfortable post-coital silence that had fallen between them. 

Caught. He froze, mind searching frantically for an innocent explanation.

“Is it the mission tomorrow?”

Relief enveloped him at her words. That was right, Nimira was also a warrior and had been assigned to join the team investigating the suspected hostile activity at the edge of the Omatikaya territory. 

He nodded at her in the affirmative, hoping that had looked convincing enough. 

Nimira sighed in understanding, moving closer to him. “Me too.”

“Everything will be okay,” he murmured, returning her gesture, rubbing her arm gently as he spoke. 

“Aran is coming tomorrow,” she said softly, after a long pause. That was right. Aran. As fate would have it, Nimira had been nursing feelings of her own for the young warrior for many moons now, and they had bonded over their shared romantic woes. 

“I know,” he comforted, sensing her anxiety. Aran had been shot in the shoulder during their last mission. While they had been relieved to hear that the arrow had failed to pierce his vital organs, their relief had been short-lived as a worrying fever had come over him, unrelenting even in the face of the array of healing brews fed to him in the weeks that followed. 

“It’s too soon,” Nimira muttered, shifting closer to embrace the sturdy weight of his arm. “He’s not ready.”

“He’s a strong warrior. He wouldn’t have joined the mission if he didn’t think he could do it, Nim,” he countered gently. “He’s spent weeks now laying in the healer’s alcove, being tended to by my grandmother. She thinks he’s ready too.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I trust the tsahìk, it’s just, I—”

“Can’t help but worry?” He finished. “I know the feeling.”

Nimira smiled at his words. “Speaking of whom, how’s Leyna doing?”

A scowl came over his face, earning a soft chuckle from her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to,” she teased. “You’re here with me now, so I know the answer to that question.”

“Nim!”

“What?” 

“You know what.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said finally, patting his cheek gently. “That was unkind.”

He shook his head. “You’re not wrong. Everything is still shit.”

“You could just talk to her, you know?” Nimira nudged his side, prompting him to face her. “You can’t be pissed at her when she doesn’t even know how you feel.”

He smiled ruefully, leaning forward until the tips of their noses brushed against each other. “You always give the best advice, Nim.”

She smiled, pulling him atop her again. “I know. Now shut up and kiss me.” 

* * *

Neteyam let out a strangled hiss at the stinging sensation when Olin, one of the apprentices, applied a cleansing salve to the wound on his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” muttered an apologetic Olin, turning to reach for a bottle of pxir (beer). “Have some of this, it will ease the pain.”

“There really is no need for all this,” he groused, accepting the bottle. “It’s barely a graze!”

Olin tutted. “Brother, you know as well as I do that even the smallest break in the skin can result in infection. What if the arrowhead had been laced with txum (poison)?” 

The mission had been a success, save for a brief scuffle with the hostiles that had led to his injury. Neteyam longed to leave the healer’s alcove, where he had been barricaded in for the last hour, being fed various healing brews and antidotes for any dangerous contaminants on the hostiles’ weapons. 

But that was not the reason for his sour mood. Neteyam let his gaze turn sideways, landing on his brother who lay in the next bed, being tended to by none other than you. 

He watched with growing ire as your delicate hands rested on his abdomen, absentmindedly stroking the skin there as you waited for him to finish drinking the healing brew. That’s not even close to where he is injured, he hissed internally. 

“Bro, you alright?” Lo’ak looked concerned, eyes raking over his flushed face. Turning to you, he said, “Is it a delayed reaction or something?”

“I’m fine.” Neteyam said, waving off his brother. “Just tired.”

“Leyna, look him over would you?” Lo’ak chuckled softly. “He’s a stubborn one.”

“There’s no need—” His breath caught in his throat as your hands brushed against his forehead. Great Mother, he felt like a fool. 

Neteyam willed his body not to react as you poked and prodded at him. “Open your mouth.”

“W-what?” 

You gazed at him curiously. “So I can check for sores?”

“Ah.” Neteyam opened his mouth obediently, eyes widening as your fingers prodded the side of his cheek gently as you checked for any signs that he had been poisoned. He had had this dream before. Similar concept, slightly different execution.

“Is something wrong?” His voice came out garbled, your fingers having not ceased their intrusion. “Have I really been poisoned?”

You shook your head slowly, removing your fingers as you spoke. “I can’t see any sores and you have not sparked a fever yet.”

“I’m to live then?”

You smiled softly. “That’s right.”

The memory of your touch lingered in his mind in the hours after. His family paid little notice to his silence at last meal, accustomed to his typically taciturn demeanour. He willed himself to give into the mundanity of the next day’s tasks, to think of anything but the soft smile you gifted him before he left the healer’s alcove that evening, the feel of your delicate hands on his face, in his mouth, which only served to inspire more sensual fantasies of you on your knees before him, bobbing back and forth on his co—there he was, doing it again.

If he had hoped that sleep would subdue his racing mind, he was sorely mistaken. An hour of tossing and turning in his hammock had done little to alleviate his, ah, predicament. He was not unfamiliar with the intricacies of sexual attraction, having partaken in casual encounters of his own. However, none of his previous experiences had bred the kind of all-consuming fixation afflicting him in the present. 

Growling in frustration as sleep continued to evade him, he climbed carefully out of his hammock, padding quietly across the boughs of kelutral, descending down the spiral staircase at its centre. Landing on the forest floor with a soft thump, Neteyam scanned his surroundings, relieved to find it quiet, which was unsurprising given the late hour. He glanced down warily at his rapidly intensifying problem, deciding to move quickly through the village before he was faced with another clan member. How mortifying it would be to be found in the state he was in…the olo’eyktan’s firstborn son and second-in-command nursing a rather exuberant erection….

Seeking out a tree hollow outside the gates leading to kelutral, he sighed in relief. He had found this place many months prior after evening patrol, returning it regularly when he wished to be undisturbed. As second-in-command, he spent a considerable amount of time training with the war party and leading the hunting party. As such, most of his days were spent in stifling proximity to others. It was not that he disliked his role—he took great pride in following in his father’s footsteps—but he had admittedly always preferred solitude, having been more reserved than his siblings even as children.

Sheltered away from prying eyes now, he undid the ties of loincloth, swiftly discarding the material off to the side as he reached for the length between his legs, which had stiffened to the point of causing him pain on the walk over. 

Breathing heavily, he squeezed and stroked his cock rhythmically, eyes shut tight as the pleasure coursed through him in waves. Titillating fantasies of you doing things with him, to him, flooded his mind. 

You, on your hands and knees, mouth full of him, eyes meeting his coyly as you bobbed your head back and forth. The soft rounds of your breasts moving in time with your hips as you rocked above him, mouth open in pleasure…breathy moans….heavy breathing…eyes rolled back in bliss as his hips met yours….

“Argh, fuck,” he cried, bracing himself against the trunk of the tree, gasping for air as he reached his peak. Slightly shamefaced, he turned to retrieve his loincloth from where he had tossed it and refastened the ties. 

Great Mother, he needed to get a grip. 

* * *

You were avoiding him. He was quite certain of it now, watching as you hurried past him as he headed to the back of the alcove to wash his food mat after last meal. You did not meet his eyes but he glimpsed your stricken expression at his proximity. 

Frustration stewed in his gut at the present state of affairs. It had been almost a week since your conversation in his family’s alcove and you had only returned since with your family for their weekly shared meals. Hell, he was quite certain that you had been avoiding his brother as well. It was unbearable, more so than when you did not take notice of him at all. 

He had replayed that conversation in his mind a thousand times over in the days since, cringing at the indelicacy of his words and your panicked hiss at his confrontation. He had ruined everything before it even began. 

Sense would dictate that he give you space to come to terms with his words and leave you be. But, the pit in his stomach had grown unbearable and he longed to clear the air between the two of you. 

And that was how he found himself trudging through the thick vegetation that encircled the clearing where clan members called their ikran. He had recognised Txep’s excited squeal in the distance and knew, with certainty, that you were close. 

Emerging soundlessly from behind the bush, he called out, “Going out flying?”

He caught the surprise on your face as your head whipped around at the sound of his voice. “Yes, we are. What’s it to you?”

He smiled slightly at your words in spite of their hostility. Great Mother, if you knew the things that voice did to him. “Mind if I join?”

Before you could reply, Txep squealed upon catching sight of him, turning away from Pänu and barrelling into his arms. Txep was the sweetest little one he had ever seen, and Neteyam had always had a soft spot for the boy. Txep wanted to be a warrior and always trailed after him during his morning duties. His mother had apologised profusely for the boy who was particularly adept at evading his parents to find the warrior party during their morning trainings. Neteyam had waved off the apology, happy to indulge in keeping Txep entertained. In truth, he missed when Tuk was smaller and would do the same.

He saw the conflict swirling in your eyes at his question and knew he was playing dirty as turned to the boy in his arms before adding, “Txep, can I come flying with you and Leyna?”

You had a soft spot for Txep, and he knew that there was little you could refuse him. It was one of the things he loved (loved?) most about you.  

With a sigh, you nodded affirmatively. He silently cheered, disentangling himself from Txep to call his own ikran. 

Waiting patiently until Txep was seated on your ikran, he called you softly, willing himself to gather the nerve to say the right thing this time. 

Breathing heavily, he said finally, “I’m sorry, for the other day. I shouldn’t have said it.”

To his relief, your expression softened at his words. “It’s okay,” you began slowly. “You didn’t say anything I didn’t already know. It’s stupid, really.”

“No, it’s not stupid. He is.” 

That prompted a laugh out of you, thrilling him in the process. “I didn’t know you cared. I didn’t even realise you noticed my presence. This is the longest we’ve ever spoken, you know?” 

Naturally, Nim was right. “I pay you plenty of attention.” He countered cheekily. “Maybe you are the one who doesn’t notice.”

Not waiting for a response, Neteyam pulled down his ionar in a swift motion and leapt up on Tìxtur’s back, commanding him to take flight, trying and failing to stifle a laugh at your surprised exclamation. 

Turning away from you, he urged Tìxtur forward, deliberately urging him to fly faster. There was a place he wanted to show you; somewhere he had never shown anyone else. 

Neteyam only smiled softly at the shrill sound of Txep’s excited squeals as you urged your ikran to match his speed, pretending to not hear your questions as to where he was taking you. 

The landscape shifted beneath him, trees growing more sparse as they flew. Finally, he glimpsed the familiar sight of the valley in the distance, urging his ikran to slowly descend down onto the plain. 

He watched with anticipation as you landed by his side, initially too preoccupied with Txep and utterly oblivious to the marvel of your new surroundings.

Finally, you glanced up, gasping as you took in the sight of the valley, vast mountaintops on either side cradling the ground on which you stood. Neteyam watched you quietly, affection blooming in his chest at your awe. You were so beautiful. It was a thought that had come to him now a hundred different times in a hundred different ways. 

“It’s beautiful here, Neteyam,” you praised, meeting his gaze. He only smiled in return, overcome by a dizzy sort of elation. 

Txep was instantly transfixed by the river water, with its vivid shade of lilac, running to dip his feet in the water. 

Coming to stand behind you, he whispered, “He’s the sweetest little one I’ve ever seen.”

“You should see him when sa’nok prepares teylu, pounces like a palulukan, that one.”

Neteyam laughed softly. “I don’t doubt it. Tuk was much the same when she was younger.”

Wanting to speak more privately, he led you further along the riverbank, out of earshot of Txep. 

“How did you find this place?” You asked, after a brief silence. 

He shook his shoulders nonchalantly, explaining his evening exploits after the completion of the day’s duties. 

“So, this is where you disappear off to in the evenings, then?” 

Your words caught him by surprise. You had noticed. 

“I pay attention,” you added, trying and failing at nonchalance. 

He smiled. “So you do.” 

* * *

Neteyam watched quietly from the side as members of both clans drank and caroused in the centre of the shelter below kelutral, grooving to the tune of a rhythmic drumbeat in the background. 

Members of the Tipani clan’s leadership had come for a weeklong visit, culminating in the present celebration. Neteyam had spent the past week at his father’s side, tending to their visitors and partaking in negotiations concerning the exchange of goods between the clans and other diplomatic matters.

However, it was not his fatigue from the week’s duties that kept him from joining in the dancing and merriment. His piercing gaze found its way back to a particular dancing pair, eyes narrowing further as the Tipani clan’s second-in-command, Nareyo, reached for your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to his dancing form.

His fingers twitched where they held the cup of kava that he had been nursing, the increasing strength of his grip threatening to shatter it and spill its contents across his lap. 

“At least give me that, if you’re not going to drink it,” a voice from his side said. 

Turning at the sound, his gaze shifted to land on Nimira who was watching him, eyes twinkling with amusement at his sour expression. 

“Don’t” he warned, tipping the cup back, swallowing the contents in one gulp. 

“You’re being a child,” she chided, nudging his side. “Ask her for a dance.”

“Wouldn't want to take her away from Nareyo,” he said, scowling. Nareyo was slightly shorter in stature, but a striking male nonetheless. Having spent much of the last week in his company, Neteyam would grudgingly admit that the man made for good company.

“Au! They’re only dancing, not mated. You can ask her for a dance.”

“Who says she wants to dance with me?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and you’ve been spending so much time together.”

“That’s not true, we—”

“You hardly ever ask me to meet you anymore,” Nimira continued. “I’m much less satisfied nowadays. I should know.”

“I’m sorry, Nim, I—”

“Oh would you hush! That wasn’t the point!” She hissed, pressing her hand over his mouth to silence him. “I’ve seen the two of you. She looks at you that way.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“She does.” Nimira, casting a furtive glance at you as the song came to an end. “Ask her now. Go, Neteyam.”

Nimira shoved his shoulder insistently, prodding him to stand before snatching the cup from his hands. “Go,” she mouthed, nodding at you. 

Neteyam sighed. “You’re full of shit,” he mouthed back, not letting himself indulge in the possibility that you returned his feelings. Still, he made his way across the floor, approaching you just as Nareyo thanked you for dancing with him with a kiss on the back of your hand. 

You smiled at the sight of him, hand slipping from Nareyo’s grasp as you turned abruptly from the other man to face him fully. Resisting the urge to preen at the action, he returned your smile. 

“Leyna,” he greeted warmly, pressing a kiss of his own to your hand. 

“Neteyam,” you breathed, eyes softening. “I didn’t see you earlier.”

“I, uh.” He hesitated, suddenly embarrassed by his earlier behaviour. “I was busy with something.” He paused to breathe deeply before holding out his hand in invitation. “A dance?”

You smiled brightly at him, slipping your palm into his grasp. “I’d love to.”

He pulled you closer as the music resumed, a slower, more relaxed melody this time. Gently swaying, he pulled you closer, unable to resist the prospect of being in such close proximity with you. Inhaling deeply, he appreciated the familiar sweetness of your scent. 

His heart raced as you leaned into his embrace, settling your head gently against his chest as you moved together to the music. Take that, Nareyo.

“You must be exhausted,” you said, voice muffled slightly where your face rested against the skin of his chest. “I haven’t seen you all week.”

“Duty calls,” he said, shrugging his shoulders only slightly so as to not jostle you. 

“Me too,” you sighed. “I’m grateful for their tsahìk’s teachings but she is a, ah, passionate woman. Like her son, actually.”

“Nareyo, huh.” He mused, feigning nonchalance.

You pulled back from him then, visibly grimacing at the mention of the Tipani clan’s successor. “He’s, uh, nice?” 

“He’s a strong warrior,” Neteyam offered. Why was he defending him?

“He is,” you allowed, before adding softly, “A little forward is all.”

“Forward?” 

“Would you call offering to make me his tsakarem forward?

His jaw clenched at your words. He had proposed marriage?  

“Naturally, I accepted,” you continued, laughing softly as he blanched. 

“Great Mother, woman,” he breathed, catching on to your teasing tone. “You scared me.”

You clicked your tongue. “Should I be hurt that you sound surprised? I was the last one in our class to complete iknimaya, you know?”

“Really?” 

You hummed. “I was scared I’d pick the wrong one.”

“That’s not possible,” Neteyam argued. “The Great Mother guides you to your match.”

“Point being,” you continued. “I take too long to decide things. Ergo, no whirlwind romances.”

Duly chastised, he nodded. “Point taken.”

“Don’t tell my mother, though,” you added after a long, contemplative pause. “She misses home dearly and she would have leapt at the chance to return to take care of her grandbabies.”

Neteyam laughed. “My lips are sealed.”

Sighing softly, you resumed your spot against his chest, leaning your full weight against his body, letting him guide you through the familiar steps. Neteyam relished in the feeling of your soft curves nestled safely against him, wondering belatedly if you could sense the rapid thrum of his heart.

“Shit.” You tugged at his hand then, pulling him abruptly away from the centre of the dancefloor. 

Startled, he spluttered, “Leyna, what are y—” 

“Nareyo’s coming this way again,” you hissed, hurrying through the crowd of onlookers. “He’s going to ask me again if I’ve ‘reconsidered coming home’. Ack!”

* * *

Panting heavily, Neteyam landed with a soft thump on the mossy ground. This morning’s training had been spent practising hand-to-hand combat, a programme that had been designed by his father, a relic of his tawtute origins. 

Though, if Neteyam was being honest, he was not feeling much gratitude for his father in that moment. After a gruelling morning of sparring with the other warriors, he was well and truly spent. 

Gentle hands touched his forehead, rubbing the skin comfortingly. Leyna. 

“Have some water,” you coaxed, bringing the paywll (water plant) leaf to his lips.

Eyes meeting yours in gratitude, he began to sip from the leaf as your hands rubbed his back soothingly. In truth, he much preferred archery and rarely partook in such trainings with so much vigour. But, you had come to watch the warriors that morning and he was only slightly ashamed to admit that the sight of you had prompted his, ah, performance. 

“Who was that for?” You teased.

Caught. “No, one,” he answered evasively. 

He watched as your gaze travelled over the crowd that had gathered to watch the morning’s tournament, landing on Nimira who smiled softly at him in greeting.

“Ah,” you acknowledged. “I see.”

Growing alarmed at the conclusion you seemed to have reached, he quickly interjected, “No, that’s not…Nimira and I are not—”

“It’s okay,” you allowed. “We all need a little respite.”

That got his attention. Unable to help himself, he questioned, “Who’s giving you respite?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Leyna.”

“Not saying!”

His brother’s voice interrupted the two of you. “Another round?” He called from the other side of the clearing. “You up for it, bro?”

Grimacing at the thought, he shook his head. “I’m done for the day.”

“Come on,” you cajoled, kneeling to whisper by his ear, “Mighty warrior.”

Eyes widening at the coquettishness of your tone, he turned sharply, meeting your gaze with a beseeching expression. 

“It’s okay, I suppose,” you allowed after a pause, a coy smile still playing on your lips. “It’s normal for males to lose some of their virility as they age.” 

Aghast, he cried, “I’m only a year older!”

It was working. You were in his head and you knew it. 

Grumbling, Neteyam clambered to his feet. “The things I do for you…” he muttered, reaching for your hand to steady himself. 

You giggled, stepping back from him to give the men space. “You love me,” you teased, smiling at him from where you stood with the other onlookers. 

“Not a chance,” he called back. Liar.

* * *

Thrumming with anticipation, Neteyam dismounted from his pa’li, turning to address the returning hunting party. It had been a successful hunt, having brought back enough yerik to feed the clan for the next few days, with the remainder of meat from the day’s meal being cured and stored away. 

“Thank you, brothers and sisters,” he called out, appraising the hunting party. “I thank you for your efforts, and I thank the Great Mother for providing.”

The crowd reciprocated his thanks, lifting prayers of their own to the Great Mother before dispersing at his dismissal. But it was not the euphoria of the successful hunt that had him fumbling with the saddle on his pa’li in his haste to leave. Rather, it was the prospect of an evening alone with you after weeks. 

Caught up in preparations for the Tipani clan’s visit and the general humdrum of clan life had kept you apart for much of the last few weeks. A few fleeting glances and quick exchanges of greetings in between their duties had left him wanting for your company. 

“Hot date?” his brother grinned impishly as he caught sight of his expression. 

Neteyam quickly schooled his expression into one of placid indifference. “No,” he answered plainly. “Just going out flying.” 

“Is that what they’re calling it now?” Lo’ak chortled, thumping him on the back. “Hope you have a good flight, then, bro.”

“What are your plans, then?” Neteyam asked, hoping to direct his brother elsewhere. Technically, he was not doing anything wrong by meeting with you—it was hardly an illicit liaison—but he could not shake the discomfort he felt when it came to sharing the details of his budding association with you with his brother.  

“Ah.” Lo’ak smiled amusedly. “I’m going flying myself, actually.”

Neteyam followed his brother’s gaze to where it rested on an attractive female who blushed, nodding bashfully in Lo’ak’s direction. Seren was a good hunter, but Neteyam did not know her personally, certainly not in the way his brother seemed to know her. 

“Fuck off with the flying shit,” he shot back, tone teasing. “Seren, huh.”

“It’s not like that,” Lo’ak clarified. “We’re seeing each other casually, if you catch my meaning.”

“Yes, bro, I know what you mean.” Neteyam rolled his eyes. “I’m aware of what sex is.”

Lo’ak only chortled. “Celibacy is making you irritable.”

“I’m not—what are you—”

“You haven’t been seeing Nimira, have you?”

“That’s not—stop talking shit.” Neteyam spluttered, caught off guard by his brother’s observation. 

“We live together, remember?”

“That’s not—” Neteyam paused. “I’m not irritable because of that.”

“Sure.”

“Perhaps, I’m irritated because a certain brother of mine refuses to stop asking me annoying, intrusive, personal questions.”

“Ha..ha, you got me.” Lo’ak chuckled. “I’m still right about your, ah, problem.”

“I don’t have a problem.”

Leaving his still tittering brother, Neteyam turned to head for the ikran calling point near the rookery. He was loath to lose precious time he could be spending with you and worried that he had kept you waiting in entertaining his brother’s antics. 

To his surprise, the clearing was empty, no sign of you or Pänu. Scanning the surrounding vegetation, he waited, expecting you to emerge any time. As the minutes ticked by, he grew more antsy, not knowing you to be tardy. 

Contemplating his options, he decided to return to the village and check your family’s alcove. Skin prickling from nerves, he swiftly scaled kelutral, padding along its boughs to reach the entrance to your family’s home. 

“Leyna,” he called, noting the lack of activity in the space. Perplexed, he turned a corner, sighing in relief when he caught sight of you, faced away from him with a food preparation mat before you. 

You were so engrossed in your work that you did not seem to have heard his initial call. 

“Leyna,” he called, tapping your shoulder to get your attention. 

“Great Mother,” you screeched, jumping at his touch. “Neteyam, you scared me!”

Slightly amused, he questioned, “What happened? We’re supposed to go flying, remember?”

“Wiya, I’m so sorry,” you cried, eyes widening at the realisation. “I was just so busy—” You nodded at the mess on the food mat. “—I can’t believe I forgot.”

“It’s okay,” he allowed, eyes tracing over the food mat. “Are you making melon cake?”

“Yes, well, I—your brother saw Txep eating it the other day and asked for some so I thought I’d make some for him. It’s my grandmother’s recipe.”

So, that was why you were late. Neteyam felt a sliver of irritation at your words. He nodded slowly. “I see.”

“You’re upset with me.”

“No, I’m not.” Neteyam said, his voice terse. 

“You are.”

“I’m really not,” he rebuffed, stepping back from you in a motion to leave. “You’ll need to wait to give him the cake, though.” He paused, before adding, “He’s busy with Seren now.”

“What was that?” You asked sharply.

“What?”

“That bit,” you pressed. “About Seren.”

Neteyam shrugged. “I just thought you should know his whereabouts if you were planning on giving my brother his food.”

“No,” you said slowly. “That wasn’t why you said it. Y-you—this isn’t about that, is it? My feelings—you were trying to hurt me.”

Neteyam opened his mouth, denial on his lips when he caught the anguished expression on your face. Had he really said that? To hurt you?

“This—you’re unbelievable,” you muttered. “That was months ago. I’m not—it’s not like that anymore.” You paused, breathing deeply. “Why does that even matter? Why do you care?”

In the many months he had spent with you, as your bond had grown stronger, he had fantasised, a hundred different times, of how he would confess his feelings to you. Perhaps, in the woods, where you would retreat to converse for hours in the seclusion of the thicket. Or, in the valley, during one of your trips, with you by his side, laughing gaily as you felt the cold water tickling your toes. But not this. Never this. 

So, he deflected, regretting the words almost as soon as they left his mouth. “It-it’s just—it’s sad to watch.”

“It’s sad to watch?” You repeated dully, folding your arms across your chest. “Then, maybe you should leave.”

“That’s not what I meant—it’s just—I don’t want you to get hurt.” He babbled, attempting to mollify you. 

“Huh,” you said slowly, unable to keep the animosity from spilling into your voice. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

“Leyna, I was only trying to—”

“Just go.”

* * *

“No.”

“Alright, then,” he acknowledged, slightly stung by her curt declination. 

“I wasn’t done,” Nimira continued, grabbing his shoulders to make him face her. “Stop.” She reached for his bow, prying it from his hands and setting it on a nearby rock. “Just, tell me what happened.”

“Why do you think something happened?” He queried, not quite meeting her eyes. “Does something have to happen for me to want you?”

“Actually,” she said, eyeing him sceptically. “In your case, yes.”

“Nim, please,” he sighed. “Just let it go. You said no. I heard it. We have patrol now.”

“We also had patrol when you propositioned me, hmm?” She pushed him lightly, urging him to sit, while she knelt beside him. “Now, talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit,” she shot back. “You’ve been moody all week—”

“I’m not—”

“—by Eywa, I’m sick of it. The sullen face and the one-word answers to everything.” Nimira shook her head. “You haven’t gone running off to find Leyna after evening patrol which means she’s involved somehow. So, just tell me what you did.”

“Why do you assume it was me?”

“Simple,” Nimira said, chuckling softly. “You’re shit with girls—”

“That’s not—I’m a grown adult, I’ve had—”

“I’m not talking about sex.” She poked his side teasingly. “We both know that you do just fine there. I was talking about relationships.”

Knowing that she would not back down until he confessed, he sighed, “I fucked it up, Nim. Everything.”

“Fucked it up how?”

Pausing, he replayed the memory in his head first, wincing slightly as he recounted the details, deliberately avoiding looking at her face. 

Nimira sighed when he fell silent. “Oh, Neteyam.”

“I was trying to protect her,” he mumbled feebly. The longer you held onto feelings for his brother, the more it would hurt. He only wanted to spare you the agony. Right. Right?

“That’s not why you said it,” Nimira said softly. “You were jealous—you are jealous.” Sensing his objection, she raised her hand to silence him. “Don’t deny it.”

“Maybe I am,” he allowed. “But now she won’t speak to me. I haven’t even seen her.”

“Then, go look for her and tell her you’re sorry.”

“What if she doesn’t accept it?” Dread pooled in his belly, recalling the anguished expression on your face.

“You have to try.” Her lips quirked upwards impishly. “And besides, I don’t have an opening tonight. I’m busy.”

Still languishing over his impending conversation with you, it took him a moment before he caught on to her meaning. “Wait,” he started, eyes roving over her face as she waited for him to continue. “You’re busy tonight. And you’re—” He gestured to her growing smile. “Aran?”

A delighted laugh bubbled forth from her. “It just happened.”

“When?”

She shook her head amusedly. “Maybe if someone wasn’t too busy brooding, he would’ve noticed.”

“Nim.”

“Fine,” she laughed. “We stayed back after training the other day. We were just talking and it just happened. He kissed me.”

“Oh, Nim,” he said warmly, bumping his shoulder against hers. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” she returned, eyes narrowing slightly. “I’d like to be happy for you too so apologise to her.”

Neteyam nodded solemnly, resolving to find you after last meal and rectify his mistake.

* * *

Neteyam padded quietly across the forest floor, smiling absentmindedly as it pulsed brightly with hues of green beneath his feet. It had taken some wheedling but he had finally managed to coax Ka’ni into revealing your whereabouts. You were praying at ultra ayomokriyä (tree of voices) and he was determined to catch you before you retired for the night. 

Pushing past the clusters of bioluminescent tendrils that grew from the tree, he wandered deeper into ultra ayomokriyä until he caught sight of your kneeling form, having already made tsaheylu with the tree. His heart clenched as his gaze landed on your face, eyes closed in prayer. It had only been a week and he had missed you greatly. 

Neteyam hesitated, caught between not wanting to interrupt your prayer but also growing uncomfortable, being made to feel like a voyeur. Steeling himself, he approached you slowly, kneeling next to you before gently tapping your shoulder to announce his presence. 

In spite of the gentleness of his action, you startled, jumping back and severing your neural connection with the tree. “Neteyam!” You yelped, chest heaving as you took in the sight of him. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, desperately hoping that you would not send him away. 

“It’s fine,” you managed, breaths slowing as your panic waned. “You surprised me, is all.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. For more than just startling you.

“It’s okay.” You moved to stand. “I should be leaving. It’s getting late.”

Neteyam shot up, reaching for your hand to stop you from moving away. “Wait.”

“Neteyam, what—”

“Please,” he implored. “Just give me a second, to explain.”

“Explain what?” You asked tiredly, still not pulling your hand out of his grasp. 

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was cruel and unfair.” He paused, watching your face for any reaction. “Please forgive me.”

“Neteyam, it’s just—” You sighed. “Is that all I am? The pathetic girl who trails after your brother?”

“Leyna, that’s not—”

“Let me finish,” you said. “That’s what you meant, isn’t it? Because, if you’re only here to babysit your brother’s lovesick little friend, then you can leave. Because that’s not what I am.” You laughed ruefully. “At least, not any more.”

“No, Leyna,” he pleaded, heart clenching at your words. “We’re friends. It’s not like that.” Friends, right. 

He could see your eyes softening and his foolish heart clung to the hope of reconciliation. By Eywa, he could not go another day without you, your beautiful smile and the pleasure of your company. He missed their evening flights together and the hours spent in the woods, content to engage in lively conversation as the sky darkened. Even if you only ever saw him as a friend, he would take what he could get….

After a long silence, you uttered the words he had longed to hear. “I forgive you, Neteyam.”

“Leyna, I—”

“And I don’t need your protection, okay?” You added carefully. “I’m a big girl and I’ve had feelings before.”

Wincing a little despite himself, he nodded. “Understood.”

Satisfied, you reached for his hand. “Come, let us pray.”

Relieved to have been forgiven, he smiled warmly at you, letting himself be led to where you had been seated before. Kneeling slowly, he reached for a cluster of bioluminescent tendrils, before bringing his neural queue towards it, watching as they joined eagerly. He sighed as the sensation settled, his eyes drifting shut. Tsaheylu.

An immediate calm fell over him, and he relaxed into it, feeling keenly the Great Mother’s presence around him. His mind drifted to thoughts of the Great Hunt, which was due to begin in a few days. He sought the Great Mother’s guidance and strength to allow him to lead the hunt successfully. 

Cracking an eye open briefly during his own prayers, he startled, not expecting to meet your gaze, eyes trained on him with a curious expression on your face. “Everything alright?”

You nodded, with a tight-lipped smile. “Just thinking about something my grandmother said the last time I visited her.”

“What did she say?” 

“Oh, that’s a secret,” you said airily, laughing at the indignance blooming on his face. 

“Come on, te—”

“How did your parents fall in love?” You interjected, catching him by surprise. 

“Everyone knows that story,” he said slowly, curious as to your sudden interest in the subject. It was true, though. His parent’s love story had cultivated quite an ardent, ah, fanbase. Particularly among the younger girls who could be overheard giggling over the tale. Star-crossed lovers from different species who end up together; admittedly, he could grasp the appeal of the premise. However, over the years, the details of their whirlwind romance had undergone a rather intense metamorphosis, the details changing and shifting as they passed from ear to ear. Neteyam had had to step in and personally clarify many of the details himself. No, his father had not descended from the sky in his human form, free of any breathing apparatus. Ridiculous.

“Tell me anyway,” you coaxed, nudging your shoulder against his.

“Uh, my father came here with the tawtute, with the RDA.” His sentence ended with a soft snarl; he had not said that word in a long time. “He was here to learn more about the clan to get access to the lìngtskxe (unobtanium) deposit under the old tree.”

You tutted. “Eywa, now I know why you do not join me at the children’s hut for storytelling in the evenings,” you teased. “Put some emotion into it.”

“Do you want to hear it, or not?” 

“Yes, yes, go on.”

“While trying to learn about the clan for the RDA, he fell in love with sa’nok, who was training him for his initiation rituals.” He continued. “Then, he turned his back on the RDA and joined the clans to drive them away.”

“And he tamed toruk!” You added.

“Yes, he did,” he concluded, finding your excitement endearing. He wanted to kiss you.

Remembering another detail then, he added with a laugh, “They didn’t even have a proper ceremony. My grandmother never got to officiate their wedding—she still complains about it. They ran off and mated. Right here, actually.” 

“It’s so romantic,” you sighed, gazing wistfully into the distance. 

“I don’t think romance was on their mind.” He paused. “Sexual frustration, maybe?” He added with a grimace, not wanting to think of his parents that way.

“Wiya, you’re hopeless,” you admonished. “They came from different worlds and fell in love, what were the odds of them even meeting, hmm? It’s romantic.”

“If you say so,” he allowed, a small smile playing on his lips. “How did your parents fall in love?

“Oh,” you said, chortling. “Sempul and sa’nok met here after the first battle with the tawtute. He says that he fell in love with her immediately but sa’nok wouldn’t give him the time of the day.”

In a conspiratorial whisper, you added, “Sa’nok had feelings for someone else.”

Oh. His eyes widened at the detail; he would need to speak to your father one of these days.

“How did he win her over?” He queried, wary of appearing too eager. 

“Ah, sempul likes to joke that he managed to wear her down eventually,” you supplied. “But, sa’nok says that she found his determination endearing and found him more charming the longer they spent together. But, she didn’t know if she should stay here and not return home because sempul was too nervous to tell her. She didn’t want to leave her home for the possibility that he cared for her.” You paused. “What made her choose to stay was him telling her how he felt for her.”

Ah, that. The pesky fact of a confession. He had not yet gathered the courage to share his feelings with you. 

“That’s nice,” he added quickly, realising that he had been silent for longer than appropriate.

You looked at him curiously, finding his demeanour strange. He squirmed, resolving to tell you how he felt. Soon.

* * *

After much back-and-forth, he had finally been released from the healer’s alcove after a few weeks, a thin bandage at his side the only evidence of his injury. Though he knew they meant well, he had grown tired of the healers’ fretting and resented being caged in the alcove. 

But, there was also an, ah, other reason for his impatience, that was, his desire for more privacy. As he left the healer’s alcove, his thoughts returned to you, as they did more often than not. The heady feeling of your lips against his had become his new fixation. In the weeks since his injury, you had been a daily visitor, sneaking into the alcove in the evenings, once the other healers had retired for the night. 

He was pleased to note how little coaxing from him it had taken for you to renege on your vow not to kiss him until he had fully recovered. Though you remained painfully cautious of his injury, with every night that passed, he grew more daring in his touches. To his delight, he had come to see all of you during their nightly rendezvous in the healer’s alcove, shielded only by a wispy curtain between the beds. 

Unfortunately for Olin, she had also come to see all of you, courtesy of an errant moan and untimely mishap with the curtain. She had fled the alcove with a startled yelp followed by copious laughter. You had been mortified, burying your face in his chest, insisting that you would not return until he was discharged; you came back the next night.

Now that he was no longer under observation, he was free to do whatever and well, whomever he liked without fear of intrusion. Padding quietly through the forest, he followed a familiar path to where he knew you would be. 

As the vegetation thinned, he glimpsed you, on all fours, picking seeds from the ground. Pxorna seeds, he supplemented with a small smile. With the cooler season nearing, pxorna would become harder to find, which was why you had insisted on gathering enough before then. For him.

“Yawntu (loved one),” he called softly as he neared you, heart pounding in his chest as you turned, beaming at the sight of him. Setting your pouch down, you rushed towards him, pausing only as you reached him so as to not jostle him.

Pulling you securely against the warmth of his body, he inhaled your sweet scent, feeling the lingering aches in his body disappear. Leaning into his embrace, you burrowed into the crook of his neck.

“Did everything go okay?” You murmured, voice muffled where you were pressed against his skin. “Was the tsahìk upset about letting you leave?

“My grandmother? She wasn’t happy about it but she agreed.” He laughed softly before adding, “Olin was quite supportive, though.”

You pulled back, eyes widening at the implication. “I would hit you so hard right now if you weren’t still recovering.”

“You love me,” he crooned.

“That, I do,” you allowed, raising yourself on your toes to press your lips against his. He returned the kiss with equal fervour, hands trailing down your back to grip your hips to pull you closer. 

“I need you,” he murmured against your lips. “Now.”

The seclusion of the thicket bolstered your confidence and you responded by pulling away to untie your chest covering, letting it fall with a coy smile. 

Neteyam groaned at the sight of your bare breasts, reaching to palm them when you slapped his hands away, nodding meaningfully at him. Recognising your meaning, he acquiesced, reaching for the ties of his loincloth, letting the material fall from his hips, landing carelessly on the forest floor. 

Turning you gently, he pulled your back against his chest, nestling his chin in the crook of your neck while he inhaled deeply. The scent of you was intoxicating and made him want you even more. Trailing his lips down the soft skin of your neck, relishing the litany of moans and sighs that slipped past your lips at his gentle ministrations. 

Placing a hand on your belly, he pulled you firmly against you, letting you feel how much he wanted you. His other hand rose to cup the soft skin of one breast, fingers brushing over your nipple which pebbled interestedly under his attentions. “Oh, Neteyam.”

Growing impatient, he bent down to scoop you in his arms and lay you against the mossy ground. “Neteyam,” you cried in alarm, hands reaching for his bandage-covered side. “Your wound—”

Pressing his lips firmly against yours, he assured, “I’m okay, yawntu. It’s okay.”

“But, you need to—”

He silenced you with another searing kiss, smiling as your complaints slowly morphed into sighs as he deepened the kiss. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Good,” he returned, smiling impishly as he reached for the ties of your loincloth, undoing them swiftly before discarding the material off to the side. The pungent aroma of your arousal flooded his nostrils with its tantalising scent. 

Encouraged by your breathy moans, he reached down to trail his fingers gently between your thighs, smiling against the skin of your breast as you cried out at the action, grinding your hips against his hand. 

“Impatient, are we?” He teased, trailing his fingers deliberately around the sensitive bundle of nerves above your entrance, enjoying the way you writhed against him. 

“Neteyam.”

Watching your reactions carefully, he slowed his motions to dip his fingers lower, breaching you gently with one, then two fingers, the ache between his legs growing more insistent at the feeling of your tight warmth around his fingers. 

Setting a familiar rhythm, he pumped his fingers steadily in and out of you, eyes trained on your face. You were especially stunning in the throes of ecstasy and he leaned down to kiss you gently as his fingers continued their motion between your legs. 

Feeling a telltale clenching of your walls against his fingers, he urged you with sweet words whispered against the delicate tips of your ears. “You’re so beautiful…I love you so much…you’re perfect…come for me, my love….”

With a strangled cry, you came around his fingers, hands flying to grip the skin of his back as you rode out your high. Leaning down to nuzzle against the skin of your breast, he murmured, “You drive me wild, my love. I just want to be inside you.”

He felt you pull him upwards to kiss him again. “I’m ready,” you murmured softly in between kisses. 

Eager to be inside you, he pulled back, gripping his cock firmly, nudging it gently against your entrance, leaning forward to—

“Wait,” you cried suddenly, hands reaching to steady his hips. “You shouldn’t—your wound—”

“I’m okay,” he assured again, brushing his free hand gently against your cheek. 

“I know,” you muttered apologetically. “I just worry. Wait.” You pushed against his chest, prodding to him to lay on his back. “Let me,” you explained, his eyes widening in his realisation as you clambered on top of him, seating yourself deliberately against his straining cock. 

Not opposed to the change of position, he gladly acquiesced, bringing his hands up to grip your hips gently, guiding you into position, skin prickling from sheer pleasure as the head of his cock settled into place at your entrance. 

“Are you okay? Are you in pain?” You queried worriedly, casting a wary glance at your bandaged site, scooting imperceptibly further away from it. 

“I’m fine,” he repeated, shifting his hips against yours, endeared by your worry but also impatient to be inside you. 

Gasping at the movement, you nodded, sinking down the length of him slowly until he was fully inside you, sighing in unison at the miraculous sensation of being joined this way. 

“You feel so good, yawntu,” he sighed, eyes rolling back as the pleasure overwhelmed his senses.

Cracking open an eye as you starting rocking above him, he groaned at the titillating sight before him. 

…the soft rounds of your breasts moving in time with your hips as you rocked above him, mouth open in pleasure…

…beads of perspiration rolling down your bare chest as you moved against him…

…breathy moans….heavy breathing…eyes rolled back in bliss as his hips met yours….

The line between his fantasies of you and reality blurred as his pleasure intensified. Eager for you to reach your peak before he lost control, Neteyam ramped up the pace of his hips, grinning at your startled cry at the shift in pace, which quickly dissolved into louder moans as you relished the increased friction between your bodies. 

With a loud cry, you climaxed around him, the insistent clenching of your walls around him pushing him over the edge. Gasping at the sheer force of his pleasure, he clutched you closely against him as his peak washed over him.

With a quick press of your lips against his, you shifted slowly to lay by his side, still facing him, an impossibly bashful expression on your face. He found it endlessly fascinating how you could go from rocking above him frenziedly to a blushing, stammering mess. 

“I love you,” he said, reaching forward to trail a hand down the curve of your cheek. 

“I love you, too,” you returned warmly, shifting slowly to rest against him, nuzzling into the skin of his chest, a comfortable silence enveloping them.

Just as his eyes drifted close, as he gave into the haze of post-coital drowsiness, he felt your lips press against his neck. Shifting his head to face you, he raised an eyebrow at the coy smile playing on your lips. “Again?”

You nodded sheepishly, pulling back to gauge his reaction. “It’s just different—we’re alone, finally—and I just want—it’s okay if you don’t—” You stammered out an explanation.

“You know I could never refuse you, yawntu,” he assured, halting your nervous stream of words. Wrapping his arms around your lithe form, he gently lifted you, settling you against his hips.

Relieved, you leaned down to kiss him. “You’re so perfect. I love you inside me,” you whispered daringly against his lips. His eyes widened, hands reaching down to adjust himself against you until you were right where—

“Great Mother,” a voice screeched, followed by the sound of leaves rustling as their unwilling voyeur evidently began thrashing around in the surrounding shrubbery in their haste to turn away from the clearing they had been occupying.

“Olin?” He guessed, glimpsing a familiar face over your shoulder. 

“I was tired. I just wanted a walk and—I’m going now! Er, enjoy yourselves!”

Stifling his laughter, he called out an apology at her retreating figure, “I’m sorry. Again!”

“No need! Have fun—ack!”

Meanwhile, you groaned against his chest. “It happened again.”

Laughing, he patted your back comfortingly. “We’ll find somewhere else—no, I’ll build you something, okay? Where were we now?”

You lifted your head up from his chest to gaze down at him curiously. “You’re still good-to-go? After that?”

He shifted himself nonchalantly against you, the evidence of his readiness pressing firmly against the skin of your stomach.

Laughing incredulously, you shifted into position. “Well alright then, if you insist.”

#my fics #sowing the seeds of love #neteyam #avatar neteyam #avatar movie #atwow neteyam #avatar twow #atwow #neteyam x reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x you #neteyam x na'vi!reader #neteyam x oc #avatar x reader #loak sully #avatar loak #atwow loak #avatar fics #avatar the way of water #avatar fanfiction #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully x na’vi!reader #avatar 2009 #avatar #neteyam angst

[spideyanakin]

Jokes on you

Peter Parker x Reader B99 Au

Au where MCU lives in the same universe as the 99

Synopsis - Jake is the only cop who’s ever managed to capture Spider-man.

Masterlist 🧚🏻‍♀️

Peter Parker Masterlist 🌻

Peter landed on your fire escape with an inaudible thud, hand gripping the worn-out metal bar to reach for your window. Before his fist could collide with the glass, he noticed the rainbow maker sticker he had bought for you at the MOMA's gift shop on your last school field trip.

He noticed only after spotting the trinket, that you were nowhere to be seen. He could see the mess on your desk, mountains of papers and colored pencils littered the space. The small blue desk light was on, shining across the squiggles on your paper. Peter couldn't see what it was about but he was ready to bet on his superpowers that you were trying to work a case. Either one Peter had told you about or one that had recently caught your attention on the news.

Or maybe even better--a case you had found this afternoon on your internship.

There you were. Peter's sense caught up with your light footsteps towards your bedroom door. Your hand catching the silver handle of your wooden before swinging it open.

Your face lit up when you saw Peter waiting at your window. You jumped on your feet, socked feet bouncing on the blue carpet as you made the few steps toward him.

Your fingers hooked with the handled of your window before pushing it open.

"How long have you been waiting here?" You greeted, soft smile dancing on your lips at his sight.

"A few minutes, barely," Peter swiftly slid into your room, removing his mask and throwing it on your bed before turning back to you.

You took him in, biting your lip. His hair was messy from his spider-man mask, his eyes bright as he stared back at you. He looked happy and you couldn't help but copy his contagious smile.

"That's good," you blurted out, lost in trying to figure out what made him so happy--but he was always happy, it was Peter.

“How was your internship?” He jumped a bit on his heels, pointing to the brand-new NYPD jacket you forgot you were still wearing.

“Fun, actually.” You chuckled. “I got to help fight crime today, a bit like you, I guess," you joked. "I'm assisting a detective, we're working on a case, it's pretty cool."

"Explains this?" He walked towards your desk to get a better look at what had previously caught his attention. You had drawn over a map of New York with different colors and shapes--scribbles only you knew the answers to.

"No, that's a whole different thing," you chuckled, meeting Peter by your desk and leaning closer to him.

“How was your "internship"?” You tilted your head to get a closer look at him. The air quotes getting a small laugh out of him. "Anything on that case you were telling me about?"

“Nope, nothing," he shrugged his shoulders. "Not much but the usual. Stolen bike, helping an old woman cross the road, always that same guy trying to steal a redbull from Delmar's. "

"Every day!"

"Every day! You'd thought he get the hint by now. Delmar threatened to call the police today though."

"As he should."

"Talking about the police, did you know that every cop in the state of New York is trying to catch you? They have this giant bet on which precinct will catch you first. It’s pretty funny actually," you laughed to yourself, thinking back on today's briefing when they taught you all about it. Jake had even shown you his folder with a collection of every single little detail he had collected, including old police reports from other precincts about failed attempts to catch him, to witness interviews.

“Oh well, I'm impossible to catch, darling,” Peter gave you his best grin.

"Confident much?"

"Always," he kissed your cheek.

“Well, be careful. They all think you’re the bad guy," you fixed a few strands of hair on his forehead.

“I always am, princess.” 

"So tell me, what's up with that guy you were telling me about. Because I think they have a similar case going on at the precinct.”

“Well, the guy I'm currently searching for is called Todd Willis. Known for selling drugs around Queens and Brooklyn, but now we think he’s selling Alien substances. Alien drug if you want. Tony asked me to keep an eye on him until they know more. What did you hear today?"

"I don't think that's the same guy, but one of the detectives was going on about how this guy was found with an ungodly amount of drugs and wouldn't tell them who he bought it from."

"Well, please tell me if you have anything on Todd Willis. I think it's bothering Tony more than he's letting on. Be nice to have some more clues."

"Promise."

- 

The next morning you got dressed in the NYPD uniform the nine-nine gave you, stuffing your name badge in your bag before scurrying off to grab breakfast at your closest Starbucks. You never went to Starbucks but you were in a rush and you forgot where you had placed your go-cup. Only when you were waiting for your coffee did you realize Peter had borrowed it two weeks ago and never gave it back.

You basically flew down the steps of the subway, thanking whatever gods were with you that morning because the train was just arriving as you swiped your card.

You finally allowed yourself to breathe correctly once you were sat on the uncomfortable blue bench and the silver doors closed, the train harshly starting again, and leaving behind the platform, heading in a straight line towards your destination.

You checked your watch before taking a new comforting sip of your drink, warm and sweet and everything you felt like you needed to survive today. Your shoulders slacked when you realized you had managed to catch up with the lost minutes, you were going to arrive right on time.

You decided to take your one-month mandatory work experience/ internship Midtown High required, with the NYPD. Unfortunately, you made your decision a little late, so the nine-nine was the only district available. It was a little far from your home, but at least it was still on the same side of the river. A few subway stops weren't going to scare you away.

You didn't mind as much as you thought you would. You loved Brooklyn, and the nine-nine had been much more welcoming than you'd imagine. In the little hours you had already spent with them, they had broken every stereotype that you built about working at a precinct. The images you had made yourself about the calm, serious, and strict detectives were quickly replaced by the chaotic staff that had greeted you days before.

“Morning intern!” Jake bounced on his chair as he saw you walk in.

“She’s not your personal intern, you know,” Amy raised an eyebrow, looking up from her computer as she took a new sip of her coffee.

“She’s technically Captain Holt’s intern,” Rosa entered the conversation, her sharp eyes keeping their focus on her screen. 

“Yeah, but he assigned her to work with me,” he pointed his finger at you and back to him. 

“Two days ago! She worked with me yesterday,” Amy raised her hands, almost offended by Jake’s comment.

“No, she didn’t! She worked with the two of us!”

“That’s because you wouldn’t leave us and forced Captain Holt to put you on the case,” she looked at him with the whites of her eyes.

“Alright, alright. But I’m sure we’re going to work together again.” Jake pointed the pink eraser of his pencil at you and winked. 

You bit your lip, trying to not laugh. 

“Morning Precinct," Captain Holt walked out of his office, head down on a pile of papers in his hands. "I have a new case for you Peralta,” he lifted his gaze to meet Jake's bright eyes. He walked the few steps to his desk, blue sneakers squeaking on the clean white floor before dropping everything that was in his hands on the messy desk, in between the scattered cups of coffee and the old-looking banana peel Jake promised had only been there two days. “So you can let Amy and her intern work on their case,” he nodded, "and clean your desk Peralta" he added, raising a disgusted eyebrow as he scanned the wooden surface. He looked back at Jake before turning on his heels, making large steps back towards his office.

“HA! My intern-” Captain Holt, turned around, and raised an eyebrow for the second time that morning, Amy gave him a small, apologetic smile before awkwardly turning back to you.

You took this as your cue to grab a chair and sit at Amy's desk.

Jake smirked at Amy's awkward interaction before looking down at the files Holt had dropped on his desk. He eyed the white paper who was staring back at him as if this was the greatest puzzle in history.

“Todd Willis?" He blinked, trying to reread the words as if there had been some kind of mistake, hoping he wasn't losing his mind. "Didn’t we close his case a while ago?" Jake turned to Holt who was still standing at the border between the room and the safe heven that was his office.

"Yes, but it was just reopened. He’s been apparently selling some... new, stronger drug.” 

Your face fell when you heard the name. Peter was going after that guy too. Was he that dangerous that he had also caught the eye of the police?

You'd figure Jake was going to ramble about him as he worked the case, maybe you could remember some information and tell everything to Peter. Help him beat the nine-nine and crack the case before they did.

But wait. What if you cracked the case before Peter?

You loved Peter with everything in you but he was always smug about his Spider-man powers making him more useful than any detective around town.

What if you helped Jake and the nine-nine break the case before your boyfriend? Now that would be fun. 

“Captain?” You politely raised your voice, making Holt's attention drift to you. He nodded, expectantly looking at you--you took it as your cue, “may I work with Jake on the case? I was fascinated by this case when it was ongoing,” you gave him your best smile, hoping he would let you in on.

The challenge of helping the nine-nine beat Peter was way too thrilling. A race you were ready to win. A way to grab on to feeling like a super hero in your own way.

Holt raised his eyebrows, taking a second to process your request. Jake was talented but he was the personification of ADHD and could be a pain to work with. Holt truly thought that you had experienced that firsthand the other day. Nevertheless, he saw your attitude towards the Todd Willis case and knew that if you had indeed been fascinated with it, then you might indeed be some great help to his craziest recruit.

“I don’t see why not. Y/n you can work with Peralta on the case. Sorry Santiago, you can partner up with Boyle," he nodded before finally disappearing back into his office.

Amy’s mouth fell open, and Jake abruptly stood up, making a happy dance around his table.

"I'm sorry?" You offered Amy who looked at you with betrayal written all over her features. You stood up and moved your chair to sit next to Peralta.

“She’s my intern now! In ya face! Suckers!” 

“So, what you got so far?” You grounded Jake back to reality. He smiled before sitting in his chair, dramatically straightening his back and licking his finger to better flip the first page, ready to reveal all the information laid out on the files before him.

“Let’s see…”

-

Four hours had passed since you and Jake started working, your help being way more precious than he ever thought it would be. You had relocated to one of the workrooms. A large pinboard on the wall with the potential clues and locations. A table was in the middle of the room, with just even more papers splayed across it; an Agatha Christie book you thought held a potential clue, a random yellow kitchen glove neatly placed in a ziplock that had been found on a goose chase to catch Todd. You hadn't been allowed to pull it out of the bag, but you thought having it around might still be important.

The last blueberry muffin of a box Terry had kindly given you after your first hour of research stood proudly in between the mess you had created, and empty glasses previously holding peach syrup sat on the edges.

You looked at the map pinned to the wall.

“We're missing a step. It’s impossible he carried the drugs from LA to here without anyone noticing," Jake's fingers danced across the map, stopping on the picture of the drug cargo that you had pinned to the Hudson River hours prior. "He must have a base somewhere in New York,” he continued.

You sighed. You knew you needed some information that you could only get in the field, and it bothered you that you couldn't be as free and sneaky as Spider-man. You understood why Peter and the avengers cracked cases so fast and easily. They were able to get information fast and spying came easy. For the police, going on the field meant a whole lot of equipment and prep. They had to be sure, use the clues they already had before they could act on their suspicions.

Your familiar ringtone broke you out of your thoughts.

Of course, it was Peter. As if he knew you were thinking about him. “It’s my boyfriend. Can I take that?”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” he shook his hand as if to show you it was more than ok, "we should take a break anyways."

You nodded before exiting the room and making a beeline to the terrace where the staff would take their private calls or the occasional cigarette.

“Hey babe,” you smiled over the phone. 

“Hi” 

“What's up?” 

“Nothing much,” he chuckled over the phone. “Just wanted to hear your voice, see how work was going. I got some more info on Todd, Im about to leave the compound."

"Oh neat," you bit your lip. That easy to get information out of Peter?

"I discovered he has a base in Brooklyn,” Peter replied making the last part of his sentence a little mysterious.

“Brooklyn?” Your eyes lit up. “Where in Brooklyn?”

“Clinton Hill, Myrtle av. Plus it’s not far from you." You could hear some shuffling and a door closing behind him. The familiar sound of webs and suddenly, a lot of wind over the phone. "Why?” his voice came out as muffled.

"Peter, are you calling and swinging again?"

"Maybe?" You could barely hear him, making you huff.

"Peter-- we talked about this, please be careful. Call me back after your mission, kay?"

“Yep. That works, bye, love you.”

“Love you too," you hung up, and pocketed your phone. "Unbelievable," you shook your head in disbelief. After the number of times, Peter almost crashed into a building by being on the phone with you or Ned or even Tony--and he had to do it again.

You sighed before walking back into the building, at least he gave you a lead. A very good lead.

“Jake, I think I got something,” you approached the table, eyes dancing across the accumulation of papers before you found your pick. It was a small yellow Post-it note with Jake's sloppy handwriting; ‘Moaning M Ry 2' written in blue ink. You and Jake had spent the whole afternoon wondering what it meant, and your conversation with Peter had struck the answer right out of you.

“Are there any streets around Myrtle av that starts with Ry?” 

“I don’t know so let me check,” Jake turned from the pinboard to his laptop, fingers dancing across the keyboard as he searched the map of Brooklyn.

“Yeah, Ryerson St. Why?”

“Well is there an N2 to this street?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you check the building?”

Jake fidgeted with the keys of his computer before getting the picture of an old grey building.

“Hey! We searched the building ages ago!” Jake pointed to it. “It’s totally possible their base is here!” He approached the board. “Hey this actually makes a lot of makes. But how did you-” he pointed, shock evident in his eyes.

“Well, these guys aren’t the only Harry Potter fans out there,” a small smirk rose on your lips as you handed the paper to Jake. He looked at you with quizzical eyes and then down to the note in his hand. 

“Oh my god!" His eyes grew wide as he read his lopsided letters "Moaning M is Moaning Myrtle I'm so dumb! Harry Potter is just the best right?” He gave you a bright smile.

“Yeah!” You chuckled. “I think you should get a team there as quickly as possible, you don’t know what their next move will be.” You added, wanting more than ever to win this one-way race with your boyfriend.

“Yes. And thank you for your help… Detective.”

- 

You sighed, watching the bottom of your coffee cup, fingers mindlessly tapping on the wooden surface of Jake's desk--while Gina talked about some random life facts about her, instead of giving you the lists of tasks that Captain Holt had asked her to hand you about an hour ago.

"Any news of Jake and Amy?" you turned to Terry who jumped at your voice, quickly closing the flappy golf page--fear of getting caught playing a video game by an intern during work hours quickly rising in his chest.

In all truths, he was bored. While Amy, Jake, and Boyle had run off to the location you had found, he had to work on what was probably the most boring case Holt had assigned him to this year.

He checked his phone, sighing when there was no message, simply his daughters' faces and big bright white numbers staring back.

"No," you melted a little more in your chair at his words.

You wished that you could have gone with them, but security was what mattered most, and of course, interns were not allowed on fieldwork.

You had no news of Peter either, making you think this had actually been a really good lead, and they were all busy trying to figure out what the heck was in this abandoned building.

In the meantime, Jake parked the disguise van and started his lookout. The big grey building sat quiet, as of yet no signs of life revealed to them. Everything was quiet until a light thump rang through the van. 

“What was that,” Amy grabbed the nearest car handle, whispering in panic. 

“Oh my god, I bet it’s Spider-man!” Jake whispered back like a fan girl whose celebrity crush had just breathed the same air. 

“You really think Spider-man is on top of our van?“ Amy tilted her head thinking his idea was absurd.

"That would be amazing,” Boyle said over the intercom. Until now he stayed quiet in the back area of the van accompanied by all the spying equipment. 

“You think we should try and catch him?” Jake whispered even lower. 

“How do you want us to catc-” Amy raised her voice, attempting to speak normally but Jake slapped his hand on her mouth. 

“Shhh. He has special hearing,” Jake whispered as low as he possibly could.

“How do you even know that?” Amy asked, trying her best to match Jake's whispers.

“I have a plan,” Jake carefully looked at Amy. “Alright, Boyle, can you look at the van’s door camera.”

“On it,” Boyle excitedly pressed on the camera buttons. 

“Alright, if he gets down, hit him with a tranquilizer, and quickly grab him. Put him in the van and come in the front with us. Make sure you double-lock the door. Make sure you do it quickly.”

“Why so quick if he’s tranquilized?” Amy didn't see the logic.

“Don’t you know anything about him!? He heals super fast which means we have like two minutes until he wakes up and gets back on his feet,” Jake huffed as if this was common knowledge, almost offended that Amy knew nothing.

“How do you know so much?” Amy whispered scream. 

“He’s like my favorite hero!”

“Yeah, Amy. He’s like Jake’s favorite hero," Boyle added through the intercom.

“And every cop knows that the sixty-seven tried to but he woke up before they could get him,” Jake added like it was obvious. 

And as if on cue, Spider-Man jumped down the van he thought was empty and slowly walked towards the building, careful not to make any startling noise for the potential bad guys who took cover inside.

"JAKE JAKE!" Boyle whispered and screamed as he saw the red silhouette appear on his computer. "He's there!"

Jake let out an excited squeak, and Boyle grabbed the tranquilizer gun that was stored on the side of the computer desk. Boyle took a breath before opening the door in a flash, perfectly shooting a tranquilizer right into Spider-man.

"Jake! Amy!" Boyle screamed and Amy and Jake rushed out of the van--making Jake scream when he saw his hero laying face flat on the floor.

"Oh my god, this is the best day of my life!" He jumped like a kid high on sugar. "Amy we caught Spider-man! We caught Spider-man!"

Amy stared at him in shock, trying to register what was even happening. She blinked when Jake and Boyle high-fived.

"Well, what are you waiting for get him in the van!"

- 

You were washing your hands in the bathroom when Jake and Boyle came back in the precinct in a hurry. Jake's hair looked at mess and his eyes were as big as they could possibly get over the excitement,

“Guys, guys! we caught Spider-Man!” 

“You caught The Spider-Man? You sure this isn’t just some guy in a costume?” Holt fixed his glasses, giving skeptical eyes to Jake.

“Hundred percent sure, Sir. No look five!” Jack blindly threw his right hand behind him, just to collide with Boyle's hand who took the cue faster than his mind could comprehend.

“Is it that guy dressed as Spider-man that lives in your building again?” Rosa interrupted. 

“Rosa, if the real Spider-man lived in my building I would have a tattoo on my forehead that says ‘Spider-man lives in my building’” Jake pointed to his forehead and chuckled. 

A small silence fell in the room, Captain Holt crossed his arms, eyes boring into Jake's as he tried to pull answers. 

“We should still check, I really want to know if I should add the 15th bar to my ‘Jake caught a random guy dressed as Spider-man’ board.” Rosa stood up from her chair. 

The whole of the team didn't bother with the thought of Jake's latest potential find, making only Captain Holt, Terry, and Rosa who came only for mere entertainment purposes, followed the team of three to the parking lot where the van had been parked.

"Brace yourselves!" Jake fed into the suspense, slowly placing his hands around the handles before ripping the door open "Ta Da-"

Before the five cops that stood around the van could register, the one and only hero flew out of the confined place, throwing as many webs as he possibly could in an attempt to escape the clutches of the police. Captain Holt was thrown to the floor as a web hit his leg and glued him to the floor.

Without a word, and almost a sigh of total annoyance, Rosa grabbed the taser on her belt and hit Spider-man that was standing right in front of her with it. The poor hero fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Well, you were right. This is The Spider-Man. Now I would really appreciate it if you would get me out of these… Webs.”

“Soz, Sir don’t think I can. You have to wait two hours. Got caught in them once, good luck going to the bathroom Sir.” Jake sheepishly replied, his tone cheery. He bounced on his heels in excitement as he spotted Terry and Rosa already starting to pick up Spider-man.

-

“Thought he would be heavier,” Terry said as he slowly draped the unconscious hero on the chair of the interrogation room.

“Y/n!” Jake called out, out of breath from sprinting up the stairs.

“Hey, how was the mission?”

“It is what we thought it was but that’s not important! Come!” Jake waved his hands for you to come, you raised an eyebrow watching him grab his guitar before making you follow him down to the interrogation rooms. 

“Bab–aaspider Man?” Your eyes went wide. You saw Peter, still fully dressed in his Spider-man suit, face down on the table-- cuffed hands twitching as he was slowly starting to wake up.

“Babpider man? I like that” Peralta added not realizing your almost mistake to call the hero in front of you, babe.

“I hate when you make up words Peralta,” Captain Holt deadpanned.

“We’re about to reveal who he truly is.” Jake bounced excitedly next to you. “Couldn’t let you miss it!” He turned to you, and your mind went through every possible way that you could stop this from happening--but no idea came to mind. “You guys ready?" Jake sat on the table. “I want to wake him up first.” Jake looked at you before unzipping the guitar bag, just to reveal and light brown guitar. You watched as he carefully placed it on his legs, clearing his throat.

“Oh boy,” Amy exclaimed before covering her ears, signing you to do the same.

“SPIDER-MAN, SPIDER-MAN!” Jakes screamed while doing notes on his guitar you were sure not to be the right notes to this song. "DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN!"

Spider-Man shot up, the eyes of his mask opening wide. He looked around at the unfamiliar faces, right until he saw yours. You gave him the most apologetic smile you possibly could, and you could see from the way the eyes of his suit twitched that he was silently asking for your help.

Jake got closer, hand reaching to peel his mask off.

“What but- You can’t just do that!” You tried.

“What do you mean? Its Spider-Man we’re talking about!” Jake almost whined, not understanding your reasoning. 

“But what if his identity remains a secret for a reason? Maybe he wants to stay quiet?”

“Hey hey hey, please don’t remove my mask sir.” Spider-Man shifted in his spot, attempting to move his hands but he was trapped.

“Oh C’mon! This is like my life’s dream. Relax a little, guys! Be cool,” Jake tried to ease the tension.

“But-” 

“You guys can be so stupid sometimes,” Gina lost her focus on her freshly manicured hands, ready to take the matter into her own hands. She planted herself right behind Spider-man before ripping his mask off in one swift motion--a moment straight out of a Scooby-Doo episode, you thought.

“Oh damn your pretty,” she exclaimed before examining his face. “Oh hey, Y/n it’s your boyfriend! Damn girl,” she looked at you and then back to Peter.

Your face burned in embarrassment as the whole of the precinct now stared at you. 

“You know him?" Terry pointed to Peter.

"Kind of?”

"Kind of?" Gina interrupted you. "Queen, you're literally together, kissing on your lock screen."

“Y/n’s boyfriend is Spider-Man,” Jake shrieked.

“Yeah?” You offered him.  

“Y/n’s. Boyfriend. Is. The. Real. Spider. Man,” he looked at everyone in the group. 

“You ok, Jake?” 

“Im cool. Everything is Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.” 

Jake walked out of the room. Silence fell before a loud scream coming from the main room was heard.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” 

“He’s gonna be alright”

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[erraticpigeon]

hi!! can you please write anything christmasy with jake peralta from b99? maybe baking christmas cookies or building a gingerbread house. thank you! <3

of course! f!reader x jake peralta

jake baking gingerbread cookies with you

”Babe, what on earth-”

As you walked into the kitchen, an interesting scene greeted you. Jake Peralta, star detective, was standing by the oven and sighing. Now, as normal as that may seem, it sure wasn’t, as he was covered from head to toe with white flour. As he heard you enter the room, he turned around quickly.

“Crap- Hello, my love! I was just.. baking.”

He switched to a posh british accent as he put on his best innocent smile. The action crinkled his face and made some flour fall from his nose, causing him to sneeze.

“I can see that.. what were you-“

Your lips strained as you tried to decide between scolding him and bursting out laughing.

“Gingerbread. It didn’t turn out great..”

Jake dropped the accent and rubbed his neck. Behind him, you could spot a tray of the most burnt gingerbread cookies you’d ever seen. They were so burnt they might’ve crumbled if you looked at them for too long.

“Mhm.. I think you might’ve forgotten the flour.”

You teased with a big smirk on your face. Jake’s mouth opened as he pretended to be offended.

“Ohh, that’s what we’re doing now? I’m not a baker!! And also..”

He raised an eyebrow and pointed to the menorah in the window behind him as he took a step towards you, as you took a step back. You were worried for a second, before you saw the grin he was trying so hard to hide.

”But how do you get flour.. everywhere?”

“Well that must be cause I saved it for you!”

He jumped towards you and entangled you in a hug, making flour fly off of him and paint your previously clean work clothes a powdery white.

His finger found your sides with ease, and you two pretended to wrestle as flour flew around the two of you. If it had been snow, and this had been a christmas movie, it would’ve been romantic. But it wasn’t, and you soon found yourself sneezing so much you were practically forced to clean up the mess.

As you wiped the counter, you told Jake about your day at work, and he told you about his day off. You bantered and joked and every time he laughed it was like a candle was lit inside you.

When you were finished, you gave you boyfriend a nice, long kiss. His arms were around your waist and yours were around his neck, and you could feel him smile more and more as the kiss progressed. Finally, you pulled back and looked at him.

“Do you wanna make some gingerbread together?”

“I’d like that very much, babe.”

After two hours, both the counter and kitchen table were cluttered with trays after trays of beautiful, golden brown cookies.

The two of you of you finally stepped back, and Jake placed his arm around you as you admired your work.

“Promise me never to bake by yourself again?”

“Only if you promise we do it together more often.”

“Deal.”

You laughed as you hugged him tight. He also laughed, before taking your chin in his hand and looking at you.

“Do you wanna decorate them?”

“We can do that tomorrow, we both have the day off anyway.”

“So what do you wanna do?”

He asked with a playful grin and a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Sleep, Jacob. It’s one in the morning.”

He laughed loudly as you walked away to the bedroom through your decorated apartment.

You and Jake ended up falling asleep in each others arms as big, white snowflakes had started falling on a sleeping Brooklyn.

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