#literally I'm love him so MUCH AND I WANT HIS BEACH HEART EVENT BEFORE WE GET MARRIED BUT IT ISN'T ACTIVATING??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr was named as a finalist in Lead411’s New York City Hot 125 in Aug 2010.

#literally I'm love him so MUCH AND I WANT HIS BEACH HEART EVENT BEFORE WE GET MARRIED BUT IT ISN'T ACTIVATING???

agentkittymeowmeow · 1 year

Text

Why have I seen no one talk about the fact that Nagito is pretty much Canonically gay? Or maybe I'm stupid and it's so obvious that he is that the fandom just decided it didn't need to be discussed, but regardless, I'm gonna talk about it because I'm fucking bored and I don't have motivation to do anything besides talk about gay people.

At the start of Dr2, Nagito is the only one that stays behind with Hajime on the beach while he was Unconscious, and continued to stick around with him while introducing him to everyone. He ends up finding himself really connecting to Hajime because Hajime isn't an ultimate and Nagito himself doesn't feel ultimate, so he feels like it makes them more similar.

Before it was reviled that Hajime had no talent, Nagito suggested that his talent could be serenity because "his mere presence brought him serenity."

And prior to chapter ones class trial, Hajime was the closest thing that Nagito had to a friend.

During his fifth hangout event, Nagito opens up to Hajime about his diseases and that he just wants to be loved for once before he dies. And holy shit dude. I get that the hangout events are basically just a dating simulator but thats so gay. Like it's canon that Nagito feels that way even though he told Hajime it was actually a lie(for his safety because everyone close to him will have bad luck). He just wants to be loved for once.

Also during his fifth hangout, he says "どうか忘れないで… ボクはキミを…キミの中に眠る希望を心から愛していると。"

In the official English translation, it's translated to:

"From the bottom of my heart... I am truly in love with the hope that sleeps inside you."

and yeah, its not necessarily inaccurate, but it really leaves out what power and meaning Nagito originally said has.

a mote accurate translation is something like, "Please don't forget I love yo-.... the hope that sleeps inside you."

It's also very important to note that in the original text he says, "愛している" or "ishiteiru" which on the surface just translates to "I love you" It's a very very strong word to use to say I love you and is considered very romantic, so the fact that he said that to Hajime, is basically confirmation that he loves him.

but if that wasn't enough, I have a lot more to point Nagito having romantic feelings for Hinata.

First, the literal outro for Danganronpa 3 "Zettai Kibou basude" or "Absolute hope's birthday" is sung by Megumi Ogata (Nagito's Japanese voice) And Has some, interesting lyrics, to say the least.

"in the school building at night,

my heart throbs as i contiune to wait.

"I was born for the sake of meeting you" was what I thought at that time."

"I'll mess you up and let you induldge"

"I want you"

"I miss you"

"All of me is devoted to you"

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE. I could literally make a whole post on how gay that song is holy hell.

Oh and if it somehow wasn't obvious enough that the song is about Hajime, it was released on Hajime's birthday, or the absolute hope's birthday. (yk, like the song is called)

So it's pretty obvious at this point that this man is hella gay for Hajime. Like to say that he's straight at this point is just ignorant.

Oh and we have another gayass song.

"Poison -gekiyaku-" (I think) it translates to "Poison -Deadly Drug-"

This is his character song, again sung by Megumi Ogata.

The song literally opens up with:

"I wish I meet the biggest hope,

glistens than other which

I want to see a desire,

glistens than anyone else

I love, and want to understand

him more than anyone else

more, more than anyone else.".

I love and want to understand him more than anyone else? this dude actually straight up came out at this point.

That's basically the really big things I wanted to get out of the way, but there are so many little details that hint towards him just being gay or liking Hajime that i would still like to point out.

Like in Danganronpa 3, when he meets Makoto after waking up from his coma, he grabs onto his hands. Yes Nagito loves hope obviously but sonce when do heterosexual guys just grab the hands of someone they just met?

And the scene on the boat that same episode that shows Chiaki's ghost dissapear when Nagito calls Hajime over to show that Hajime is moving forward. gay as hell.

And this that I honestly, cannot believe is real, this scene from Ultra despair girls

BRO HE HAD TO PAUSE LIKE "Shit, he knows." LIKE HOLY FUCK I'M SHITTING MYSELF OVER THIS STILL AND IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WAS IN MY DANGANRONPA PHASE.

Anyways, this isn't even everything I could find. this bitch is gay end of story. I don't even need to say more.

92 notes · View notes

kuwdora · 10 months

Text

3x06 The Witcher Netflix Ciri screaming episode recap and reactions. I think it's been like 8 years since I felt so compelled to write a episode reaction that's 1k+ long and only focused mostly on one character. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, my god. my brain is reeling. maybe I will feel differently after it's cooled down but anyway. under the cut 3x06 only, some minor references to book events but my brain is too squishy to really... yeah just. yeah. CIRI.

Before volume 1 of season 3 had dropped I was really concerned and curious how they were going to handle the Ciri narrative from this point on with Tor Lara and being tossed across the Continent.

I’m happy to say that my immediate reaction is that I am fucking impressed. And wheezing from the nuance and direct approach they’re taking in addressing a woman’s rage. but right now it's this prelude to the rage... I'm surely forgetting some things but here!! I!! motherfucking go!!!

Holy fuck, we are seeing Yen explicitly dreaming of Ciri and Ciri feeling her connection, waking and running off to find Yen. To know and feel that Yen is in danger and needs her. She fucks off without looking for Jaskier who is busy sleeping off an orgasm, I guess. Will Geralt end up having Ciri dreams too?? Or is this a mother-daughter thing?? I'm still really digging the Yen-and-Ciri dynamic they've managed to build up in 8 episodes, whaaaaaaat. I was for sure skeptical because of the whole fuckall Voleth Meir nonsense last season but. Huh. Huh.

I don’t know how much time Ciri spent running around the island but that reunion with Yen in the valley??? Brilliantly filmed, absolutely wonderful acting with Anya and Freya here. Their pain, their joy at finding each other again. Yen calling Ciri her daughter. It was beautiful.

And if that wasn’t enough, Yen sees the growing lightning storm from what they namecheck as Alzur’s Last Stand (or Alzur’s Legacy? Last Resort? One of them) — all that flickering lightning above Aretuza. Yen feels the magic, she feels Tissaia’s power, her desperation and she’s so fucking fraught and devastated and scared. Her heart is tearing into two pieces—her love and need to protect Ciri, and her love for her own mother-figure. Tissaia’s pain is Yen’s pain. That was the refrain we’ve heard for two seasons now.

Ciri crying and telling Yennefer that she needed to go to Tissaia because Ciri understood what Yen was feeling as a daughter. My god I was also crying. Outstanding. Emotionally resonant. I LOVE IT.

Geralt had found Ciri and Yen by then, so Ciri stays with Geralt while Yen returns to Aretuza. They end up roaming the island trying to find a way off… finally encounter Cahir together. Ciri ends up with facing her literal nightmare, a source of her pain. Geralt watches on while Ciri is sobbing and crying with the sword pressed to Cahir’s throat. I wasn’t sure I was ready to believe netflix Cahir’s turning point, but I’m fascinated to say that seeing the accumulation of shit he’s taken over the last two seasons and his choice to throw himself to Ciri’s blade as an act of justice for her? For forgiveness? For everything that he’s taken from her? He saved her but he also knows what was taken from her and how he contributed to that. And he’s made the choice to throw himself to her. That’s some good fealty stuff right there. Dang.

But what was interesting is that Geralt never raises a blade to Cahir, there’s no fight with him and Cahir like in the books. In fact, we see the Scoia’tel on the hills approaching and Cahir breaks free and goes off to fight them so Ciri and Geralt can get away. He tells her he's going to hold them off. Dang dang danggg OKAYYYY. “I’ll find you.” Last words Cahir says to Ciri. Ciri is not really in a headspace to probably want or accept this or to know what he truly means since he was ready to die for her… but now he’s like REALLY READY to die for her, omg. *Chinhands* We don't see Cahir anymore this season.

Ciri and Geralt on the beach. Geralt feeling the danger nearby with his medallion and telling Ciri to run. She runs off to Tor Lara while Geralt gets the neutrality beaten out of him.

MEANWHILE AT TOR LARA.

Okay this is where I have scratched my head in curiosity and wonder but I am ROLLING WITH IT. Is this why they made the Blood Origins show to talk about the power of the monoliths?? Because I can’t remember if anyone in the show has referenced the portal at Tor Lara explicitly in the show. But all the monolith talk and I'm still forgetting things probably.

Tor Lara is a monolith that is speaking to Ciri. She races to the tower and Vilgefortz comes after her...she loses her sword and holy fuck, he just wants to train her he says. And she’s running up the stairs to the top and there’s this reverberating energy and crystalline part of the monolith. Runes are glowing beneath the surface. A voice is speaking to Ciri. 👀

In this scene with the Tor Lara monolith I’m loving the double-image effect on Ciri (and Vilgefortz) as the power of the monolith swells. Who or what is seeing them? What kind of reflection is this? I’m neck-deep in symbolism brain right now cause I've spent the last month writing all my witcher philosophy fanfic... but oh my god, Ciri is going through trauma and will be dissociating and being Falka for a good long while… While Vilgefortz had spent a large amount of time hiding his True Self in order to advance his plans. He hated it, the hiding. It exasperated him. But it's what he had to do in order to see his work through. And Ciri will relinquish her powers and partition her mind and sink into her rage, and it will be a summer of pain and catharsis for her. Double images all around here. Both of these characters end up embodying two identities in this strange amalgamation of self and non-self that they construct in order to survive. Someone remind me later to talk about Jean Genet and the tapestry art The Lady and the Unicorn. Or maybe I'll just write another fic for that tapestry in particular.

So the show is making more textually apparent that Vilgefortz wants Ciri’s blood, and he says he wants to train her. That he is the best one to do it. Which is different than in the forced pregnancy books and it’s not a change that I hate at all, but I still find it interesting and want to know what he actually….wants out of it. Though I don't think anything implies that he wouldn't go with the forced breeding angle again but if the show doesn't go that way, I won't be mad.

Alright... briefly in 3x07 or 3x08 (can’t remember) Yen, Rita, Tissaia, Sabrina, Keira and Philippa ended up finding the Aretuza girls that Vilgefortz kidnapped and mutated with magic. There’s still no understanding from any of the characters what his ends might be with these experiments, and I’m still not sure where he’s going with it, other than to figure out how to use Ciri’s blood. And that there’s some connection to the power of the monoliths.

Anyway, back at Tor Lara Ciri ignores Vilgefortz who says she’s not ready for that kind of power yet. The power is reaching out to Ciri. And Ciri reaches back... and we get BIG SHATTERING EXPLOSION and the tower encasing the monolith of Tor Lara just disintegrates. Another one bites the dust. Vilgefortz gets knocked on his smirky fucking ass.

Ciri has the magic touch, yo.

This is HER STORY. Slams hands on table and kicks her feetsies oh my god oh my god.

Freya is impressing the hell out of me. I wasn’t… I wanted to be hopeful but I didn’t let myself. And now holy fuck.

holy fuck.

CIRI.

let me have another few hours to breathe and write about 3x07 and 3x08. holy fuuuuuuck.

#witcher meta and thoughts #ciri #vilgefortz of roggeveen #twn #twn season 3 #kuwdora's witcher screaming #chewing gnashing my teeth....#this reminds me of all the witcher unicorn fic and aen elle fic i still have in my to-read queue too omg... aahhh #i'm still in the middle of my tower of swallows re-read and i am churning over everything and thinking about what's to come in final book #ciri and vilgefortz.#ciri and yen.#yen and vilgefortz #i am awash in nascent Thoughts #god i have so many feelingssss #textpost #kuwdora watches

13 notes · View notes

bishie-haven · 1 year

Text

Asmo Appreciation Week, Day 3: Best Cards, Part 2!

Welcome again, everyone!

I'll cut a bit more to the chase today, since we're in a continuation from yesterday's post. Yesterday I covered #20-11 of the Asmodeus cards that make my heart beat faster, and today I'll show #10-1! These are a lot more potent and have a lot higher potential to melt my soul.

Let us begin~

#10: Guided By Desire

Starting off the top 10 with more nostalgia! While one of two SSR cards people were VERY likely to get in the beginning, it doesn't annoy me seeing him show up...much (I get sooo many ravens now, UGH). BUT, repetitiveness aside, circumstances REALLY put this card high on the list. Even to this DAY it is one of my most powerful cards, even topping a lot of the URs I have on the OG app, so I HAVE to give credit. And even without it...just look at that face, you can't deny its adorableness! (Plus a rare shot where Asmo has pink and neon green nails before they decided on pink and teal!)

#9: Purgatory Hall Sleepover!

Hey look, it's the card that most likely inspired the 2022-23 pajama set! Being the first birthday UR this boy had (and having to wait a full year from its implementation date), I was was EXCITED to see this card art alone. The theming made it even better; sleepovers are another topic that just send me over the moon, and that LITERALLY being the title of the card set in stone that I needed it like water. Thankfully, no money had to be spent, hooray!

#8: Photogenic Asmo

If you thought #16 was colorful, #8 said hold my demonus. This is CUTE in every sense of the word. An overall cafe theme (mixing retro diners and maid cafes without the maids), Asmo in that uniform, and that look on his face getting pics of the sweets?! This was the card that started my completionist journey of getting every card of his, and thankfully, the catalyst was received in a recent revival Nightmare!

#7: Your Personal Venus

This card, this card... The end of February was a wild time for my OM! account. This event plus the Nightmare that was attached were attacking me from both sides in terms of cards I want, and could NOT catch a break (you might be able to guess a card down lower if you think about it ^^). But thankfully, it meant this card was mine within three days of the event start! The initial image is precious (just look at those eyes!), and this one? This was an attack on my soul, how is he able to rock anything and make me love him even more?!

#6: Time for the Main Event!

I grinded in this event when it came out in 2020. Nearly 4 years later, I'm still trying to get him. There's definitely reasons why, considering it's only barely out of the top 5. The Cinderella/fairytale aesthetic is a major reason, bringing to question what Asmo would be like if HE was the titular heroine instead of the fairy godmother in the actual event. In addition, this was the first event where I truly saw him as a gnc icon and ROCKING this dress (I can't unsee the garter belt either, so neither will you now, hehe), and further made me scream whenever future cards indulged this. Now, please hurry up and come home...

#5: Return My Glow

We all know from both the OG and NB that Asmo valued his time as the angel dubbed the "jewel of the heavens", despite slowly forgetting that image of himself. While the event the card was attached to is DEFINITELY controversial amongst the fandom, it still means a lot to me. I grinded my booty off to get it on the last day, and the image (specifically this DF unlock) has the power to make me feel better even on some of my darkest days. It even doubles so when you look at the similar image found in his initial UR in NB (more on that soon!).

#4: The Devildom's Mermaid

Outside of the missed potential to make him an ACTUAL mermaid in one of the arts, this was the first UR+ Asmo ever received, so its iconic status already lends itself to a high placement. Theming is also high here, as WHO can resist the beach episode, tell me, who?! There's also a bit of retroactive mirroring with the anime that happens in my head. I can totally see at one point on that private beach he set up a picture just like this to send to his followers, and that expression sent many (including myself) into an iconic squealing mess.

#3: Demons Catch Colds?!

If you guessed this card at #7, you win a virtual cookie! It is no secret to anyone who knows me well that one of my favorite tropes in fiction is the sick day, one person laying in perceived misery while another tends to their needs. In addition, if you include anything in your work with a medical/dental theme, you will have me eating out of the palm of your hand. This card has both. I was a mess back in April of '21 thanks to this blasted card. Fun fact, this was the first Nightmare card I spent money to get (Solomon decided to block my advances one too many times using the same attribute and I was at my limit 😡)! I only pull out the actual cash when I'm hooked, so you KNOW it was serious. XD Lastly, I said I wasn't taking Devilgrams into account, but I wanted to mention how the one attached to this card is so sweet. If you ever have the chance to read it, DO IT!

#2: Princess Asmo's Escape

They ACTUALLY referenced it!! If you've seen the anime, you know about Episode 5 and the insanity that occurred when Asmo was literally wearing the crown. And the fact that the devs saw it was iconic enough to make a UR+ out of?! I have a lot of gripes with Solmare, but this one of the times they got it RIGHT. He is a Disney princess, you can NOT change my mind, and the composition of this initial image is so pretty I want to make a print of it to hang in my room. It's almost the perfect card! Almost...

Because the top card of all to me is...

#1: A Song From the Heart

This is my absolute dream card, and the closest to the definition of a perfect one you will ever get. So many elements combine to make this both fitting in terms of character and concept. In the initial image we get the cute, goofy side of him (and a shot of him in glasses?!), calmly playing an acoustic. In the DF unlock, that side turns passionate and bombastic, switching to an electric and belting into the mic under the stage lights. It references both the obvious and not-so-obvious of parts of his character. We know that he loves being under the spotlight, but we don't get much in terms of his love for music, specifically rock music as the designs imply. The outfit is also one of my personal favorites, as is many that don't go on the Majolish racks (pleeeeeease let this one be wearable one day!). It even has a bit of a meta connection as well. His VA, Miura Ayme, has PLENTY of musical connections, not just recording OPs for the game but being an active visual kei artist with a HEAVY leaning on rock as a style. So to see a card not only tie back to a character but to the voice actor at the same time? There's nothing I see that's better than that.

And that's my list! What did you think? Any cards I missed in terms of their positives? Let me know if you have any you want to mention, as well!

#obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #AsmoAppreciation

11 notes · View notes

readychilledwine · 8 months

Note

Hi! You seem so nice and super sweet. I have some questions to know you! You remind me of a big sister, oh my god something about you is so comforting. :) Anyways, I live in California but I've only lived here for around 7 months. You mentioned before you love coming here, but can I have some places that would be nice to go on vacation? I feel super cooped up in my apartment and want to have a fun time outdoors or something. Thank you! <3

That's seriously so sweet and made me tear up a little bit! Thank you ❤️

We've spent a lot of time in a few different spots in CA, so hopefully, I mention one location near you! The obvious to all of this is beach and book. We are two beach bums when we can be, but I'll hit a few of the cities we've stayed at!

Oceanside is our go to. We like the location, due to military relations so its kind of the perfect spot for us because ✨️family✨️ If you are near that area, the beach at night is so quiet and perfect if you love seashell hunting. Oceanside also has street food/fair events, several cute metaphysical shops, and a few really good restaurants. One of them is a rooftop/desktop outdoor situation, it overlooks the docking area there, and at sunset is stunning.

In the San Diego area, I love going to Balboa Park. There's several gardens that are cheap or free to go to. During November to December, one of them is filled with gorgeous variations of poinsettias. There's also a ton of museums there, cultural houses to peep at, and gorgeous architecture. There's also a shopping area that's cute for giggles to just walk around. It's called Seaport Village. They used to have a shop just FILLED with coffee mugs. I loved it 😅

Heading north a little bit to LA where my partner is from. He grew up near skid row and has pretty vivid nightmares still about his kidhood there, so we tend to avoid the downtown area. When we do go, he always takes me to The Last Bookstore (some of you may recognize the name, it is the one you're thinking), it is just an experience. They sell antique books, collector's editions, and rare first editions along with new books. They have MAGICAL displays made from books. Griffith Park is also very beautiful with lots of things to go to. I'm a fan of anywhere with a botanic and butterfly garden 😅 and that brings me to our favorite spot in LA (minus the beach and hiking in Griffith Park) The Huntington Library. It's a library, botanic garden, and art museum all in one. It is 100% for me and not for him. He loves me dearly, and I am spoiled. There's obviously a lot of other things to do in LA (Disney, Orlando studios, ect), but we've been waiting to explore and experience those things until we had Littles to enjoy them with.

Popping between LA and San Fran is Sequoia National Park. If you are going to go and have never been, plan for a few days. It's... almost like breathtaking how small you realize you really are there.

San Francisco is kind of just... I wish I could describe it as something other than home feeling, considering I'm a midwest farm girl, but it has this magical home calling. We have a main thing we really like to do, and it's a little pricy (but not as pricy as the next location ive been treated to). He loves to see Alcatraz. 😅 he's obsessed. Otherwise it is a LOT of hiking and just trying new food places there. I just really love the vibes there for some reason.

Napa Valley I consider its own place, and it holds the most special place in my heart. He took me there for my 25th birthday. It is pricy, but wine country is so just relaxing. We stayed at this hotel, and we literally just walked out of our rooms patio door and into the vineyard. Im not 100% sure how much our week there was, but he told me not to expect anything for Christmas or valentines that year 😅

If you want really hot and in land Cali, my brothers and baby daddy went to Death Valley for a few days. They started the trip there, then went to Vegas (youngest brother's 21st birthday). My older brother said it was unbelievably hot (literally duh my sweet summer child), but he said the 4 days the 3 of them were there was a lot of fun. They did a lot of trail hiking and drank a lot of water. They all do not regret the choice to check it out. I was not invited on the boys' trip, so I didn't get to go 😑 I'm not salty AT ALL I didn't plan the trip for them or anything 🤣

If you're looking to get out of California, Colorado. Find your soul in Colorado. I highly recommend Georgetown. Not too far from Denver, not so high up in the mountains you have to anxious about snowfall and getting trapped, and I'll just attach the view from the hike into the mountains we went on.

I will push Colorado to anyone needing to get away and get into nature if it is in their budget ❤️ I've never found a town in Colorado I didn't think was stunning.

If you want to stay on the West Coast, Oregon. We went to Crater Lake National Park. One word, Ethereal. A little busy, but so so worth it.

No matter where you go, if you're getting into nature and needing to re-center your soul, find a creek with running water and just put your hands or feet in it, or get into the ocean (to where you're comfortable) and just let yourself have a moment of silence. Water is purifying and healing. It's one of the most powerful elements in our world, and it is where I find the strongest connection to Mother Nature ❤️

Let me know if you want more travel spots!

#send anons #send asks #get to know the person behind the blog #get to know the blogger #get to know me #oh vacations

3 notes · View notes

doccywhomst · 3 years

Text

what your favorite doctor says about you (MEAN edition)

before we get into this, i just wanna say that nearly all of these are applicable to me because i love all of the doctors, so please don't feel too attacked. but also, feel attacked.

theta sigma: you're a miserable pile of fanon lore and desperately want to live the romantic fantasy of playing hooky to skip stones across a sunlit lake with your childhood-bestfriends-to-enemies-to-frenemies gay love interest

first doctor: you're routinely prepared to commit murder with a rock in the event of any slight inconvenience

second doctor: i... i.... i can't find anything mean to say about you. in my head, you're a little clown wearing clothes that are too big. there we go.

third doctor: pure of heart, dumb of ass, home of sexual. you're a himbo pretending to be a scientist. you don't know anything about the moon or sun, just like the writers of his first series.

fourth doctor: you're a little weirdo who loves the horrible special effects. you'll gobble up any terrible content, but at least we have that in common

fifth doctor: angry golden retriever who listens to the beach boys

sixth doctor: you like this show a little too much (just kidding, that's impossible) and you're a trainwreck of a human, your life is completely off the rails, you desperately need therapy

seventh doctor: you genuinely liked Survival, which should be a crime, and we all know that you're mostly here for Ace

eighth doctor: you're a sadist and a masochist at the same time, you're a freak of nature, you're disgusting, I'm gonna kill you, here's 200 dollars

war doctor: you're already so emo that I don't even want to insult you, i feel like you'll start weeping

shalka doctor: you're so obsessed with this show that you'll cling to any little scrap of it and beg for a crumb of serotonin. i bet you read and write a lot of fanfiction

ninth doctor: see shalka doctor. also, you need a lot of therapy

tenth doctor: you're touch-deprived and live vicariously through the romantic exploits of characters on a children's science fiction show. also, old small gremlin man in cage

eleventh doctor: you're straight in a gay way or gay in a straight way, and neither of these are strictly insults, but they're true. also your fashion and music tastes are literally putrid, but you'll take that as a compliment

twelfth doctor: your ideal best friend is an old man who's actively rude to you and routinely puts you in mortal danger, but you don't even care because you're literally in love with him, and you love him even though he's hopelessly inaccessible and will never love you back. to be fair, we've all been there

thirteenth doctor: you love the drama, don't lie. you like putting characters through the Pain Machine and it's a reflection of your trauma

ruth!doctor: see shalka doctor. but otherwise you're beautiful and perfect.

583 notes · View notes

babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic @fandomtrash2405

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 16th, 2021

#spencer reid #Criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #diwk #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds re write

151 notes · View notes

jjk-anime-horray · 3 years

Text

Fuck. The. Heat.

Daichi Sawamura x Reader (Requested by Anon)

One thing about being the assistant manager of Karasuno's volleyball team is that you had to deal with a lot of drama, however, when the boys were complaining about the heat they in fact weren't being dramatic. The heat today was an absolute bitch, and quite frankly the A.C. in the gym had broken-halfway through practice yesterday. So, everyone in the gym was currently sweating enough to parch a thirsty elephants thirst, and everyone was ungodly hot which was agitating because you were currently just as hot as they were.

But what made the situation even worse is that all of you decided to go to the beach that day to make up for the oven of a gymnasium all of you had to work in. And what was a better alternative than beach volleyball. Well the fact that you may have the fattest crush on the team captain in existence, and currently he was in front of you rallying with Tanaka and Asahi shirtless. It was getting harder by the minute to contain yourself, most specifically, all of your self control from flat out staring at the thick muscles of the captain. To make it worse, the only person in the whole wide world that knew about your crush was Sugawara.

One thing Sugawara was was kind, however, one thing that the silver haired boy wasn't was non-chaotic, and he was quite mischievous. You were quite accustomed to him teasing you about your love interest.

"Enjoying the view (Y/N)?" Snickeringly came from behind you, but you didn't have to look around to know who it was.

"Har Har." You quipped back agitatedly at the silver haired setter behind you.

"You know, you should just tell him you think he's hot instead of admiring from afar, because maybe he would give you a little tour of the merchandise. I'm sure he-Ouch that was uncalled for."

You had pinched his arm to get him to stop talking, and to stop teasing you. You knew that he maybe right, but it's also a lot easier said than done for the adventure of the heart. You both knew that.

"Was it really?" you say as you quirk an eyebrow upwards.

"No, it wasn't." He chuckled through smiling lips as his shoulders bounced up and down with the activity.

"Sugawara"

"Hmm?"

"You know you're an annoying little shit right?"

"Omg (Y/N) really? Just as I thought you were ready to be nice you decide to back stab me."

The moonlight colored boy put a cream colored hand over his chest, then dramatically flicked is soft fibers on his head, face , and neck to the side away from view in a theatric display of dislike.

"You wound me (Y/N) truly, do you know how stressful it is to look this good?"

"Suga you literally set yourself up for me to roast you more than you set a volleyball."

"Um rude, you don't have to be salty just because you can't get with your senpai."

The banter between the two of you quickly escalated into a full out verbal brawl, however, from the outside view it looked quite opposite to truth. Which caught the eyes and attention of the setter's teammates, temporarily halting their rally between them.

"Wow Suga's really going for it." Nudged Tanaka to his shorter friend Nishinoya.

"Yeah he is, good for him!" The shorter boy whisper yelled to his taller friend next to him.

His commentary didn't escape the ear shot of there captain however, and all of this new information caused the muscles on his upper jaw to tense from his dislike.

"Alright you guys lets take a break, we'll meet up in a little bit."

"Sweet!" The two boy voice in unison then quickly run off to see kioyko.

"Than little shit." Daichi grumbles to himself. Deciding that he's watched this scene unfold out long enough he decides to end his own suffering and end it himself.

Suga and you didn't even notice the large foot sets patting against the stand to in front of you until the both of you hear a deep informative clearing of the throat from there to look and find the large form of Daichi.

"Um (Y/N) can I steal you for a moment?"

At this point in time your brain was going haywire and numb at the same time from the sight of the young man in front of you. The beach shirt was unbuttoned to reveal his sculpted chest and abs that could rival Captain America himself in form. Quickly to not raise suspicion you snap yourself out of your daze and answer.

"Yeah of course give me a second." That second was used to situate yourself into a standing position, and sweep the sand off your butt. "Alright, lets go!"

Much to your surprise your wrist was quickly but gently taken into the volleyball players hand and you were swiftly pulled away from the setter to a new location away from the rest of the team. Leaving the setter with a proud smirk on his face.

Once you were out of everyone else's view the captain promptly let go of your limb then starter his conversation with you.

"Do you like Sugawara?"

"What?"

"You heard me, do you like Sugawara?"

"Ummm no. Why would you think that?"

"Because you were flirting with him, kinda loudly, and it made me jealous."

"I wasn't flirting with him, wait what?" That second notion that left his mouth completely left you by surprise, and it also let the male blush and rub the back of his neck with his irrationality.

"You were jealous of him?"

"Yeah because I like you, and I just didn't tell you before because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Me being the grade above you and all."

All of the sudden you couldn't contain yourself, more specifically your laughter, and you knew it was bad timing, but you just came to an important realization.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh my gosh, Suga set us up."

"He did what?"

"He set this up because he both knew we liked each other, and he purposely made you jealous."

"That's not true he-" He cut himself off and looked back on the occurence of events he knew about, and quite frankly how he recently told Sugawara about his desire to ask you out and his hesitation. Suga noting his lingering glances and touches heading in your direction. The smug look on his face when he left to talk to you. Daichi finally put all of the pieces together.

"Oh my god i'm going to fucking kill him."

#daichi sawamura x reader #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura #haikyuu x reader #haikyu!!#haikyuu!!#sugawara x reader #sugawara koushi #haikyu x reader #x reader #hq x reader #hq #anime #fanfiction #oneshot

103 notes · View notes

imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years

Text

Love On-Set (Pt. 10 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 1.2 K

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

<- Previous part (09)

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

What Comes Next...

The last three months have been hectic, in between shooting the last scenes of season three, the premiere, and the interviews that always follow. The Internet is going insane because not only Billy, one of the villains from season 2 changed and got a love interest, but you and Dacre, outside of the cameras, are together. The fans absolutely love it. But after the events and all the talk shows and YouTube channels wanting you both for a meeting, you had to call it out eventually and head back home.

It's not that you don't like it, the attention and the fans all rooting for your relationship, but you also like the private life, the one you get to share with Dacre alone, as well as your friends and families. But not everything is broadcasted. This moment is an example of that.

Seated on the sand, you watch the sun rising, casting its light on LA, lighting up the blue sky, mixed with the ocean ahead of you. Both your cellphones were left at your place, and the beach is empty. This moment belongs to you alone. Well, to you and the paparazzi that took a few pictures of you some minutes ago, but he's gone now.

“What are your plans after season four?” Dacre asks, his deep, strong voice being carried by the fresh morning wind.

Billy and Amy survived, unlike Hopper and Heather. It was a pleasant surprise you only found the day before shooting the last scenes of the Battle of Starcourt. And of course, you're already down for the next season, and everything you know so far is that Billy and Amy left with the Byers, and are now in an established relationship. The rest will only come when you get the script, which will take several months. “Uhm... Season five if the characters make it that far.”

“Uhm... And after that?”

Giving Dacre a glance, you wonder where he's going with this. Season four is only due to next year, and the production won't start in at least five or six months. “I don't know. Some studios are calling me but I'm not interested in the roles they have. What about you?”

“I'm thinking of holding to Stranger Things only.” He shrugs his shoulders, leaning closer to place a quick kiss on your lips. “Then I want to make a pause. Settle down, focus on my personal life.”

“Sounds good.” Raising an eyebrow, you can't help but ask. “And am I on this personal life thing?”

“Only if you want to.”

Blushing, you bite your lip. “Only if I want to.” You repeat, the wind suddenly stronger, messing with your hair. “I think I do, Mr. Montgomery.”

“There's something else I've been meaning to ask you.” His voice gets serious, and he pulls away so he can stare into your eyes.

“What is it?”

“I was thinking about going to Australia.” Dacre starts, holding your hand in his. “My family still lives there and I want to formally introduce you to them, not only through video calls. And there's a lot of places I'd love to show you.”

Oh... That's something. “I'd absolutely love to go, Dacre. Just tell me when and for how long.”

“That's the thing...”

“What's the thing?”

“I was thinking about staying there... Until the shooting for the next season starts.” There's insecurity in his voice and you know why. Dacre was only renting this house in LA because of the show, but his home is in Australia. “But honestly, going back there, and staying literally half a world apart from you is too much.”

“Yeah, I'd hate it too...” Holding your hair so it'll stay away from your face, you look at the ocean. “But this is... Something. I mean, I could rent a place near yours and–”

“We literally shared the hotel room, and now I either spend the days here or you stay at my place, so I guess that would go on for a few weeks until you decide to just stay with me.” Dacre has this cocky tone and a smirk, so you playfully punch his arm.

“Oh, don't tease me!” A small fight, filled with giggles start, as you try to slap him. But Dacre easily holds your arms, and suddenly, he pushes you down until you're lying down on the sand with him hovering above you. “I'll go with you.” You burst out because the possibility of not going didn't even cross your mind. “But only if you give me that amazing massage in the back after the flight because I know it takes like 48 hours to get there.”

“If we're lucky we can find a 24 hours flight.” When the wind pushes some hair over your face, Dacre moves it away before leaning down to kiss you, slow and passionate. “But yes, I'll give you all the massages you want when we get there.”

“You should really be more careful with the things you promise, sweetheart.” You tease, pushing him off of you. “So. When do we leave?”

“What about next week? Enough time to buy the tickets, pack everything, and to enjoy LA a little longer.”

“Speaking about enjoying LA...” Smiling, you stand up, taking off your shoes. “I'll go for a swim.”

“Babe... You can't swim.” Dacre keeps the half-smile as you walk backwards, eyes on him as you move closer to the water.

“Yes. I really wish I had a strong boyfriend to help me out but apparently–” You stop talking when he stands up, walking fast until he reaches you, and in a swift motion, he lifts you up, parting your legs so they'll be around his waist.

“You were saying..?”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you giggle when the waves start hitting your back, soaking your clothes. “I was saying I do have a strong boyfriend.”

“Interesting how you change your mind so quickly.” You feel when his feet stop reaching the bottom, and the two of you just stand there, floating, and despite knowing you could die here, you feel safe with Dacre.

“It's gonna be amazing, you know... Australia. The two of us.” You mumble, a hand caressing his cheek. “I am quite scared of the wild animals they have there, but I know you'll protect me.”

“I sure will. I did save you from a freaking Mind Flayer, didn't I?”

Giggling, you nod. “That you did.”

With the calming waves surrounding you, you kiss him, deep and sweet. It tastes salty from the water, but soon enough the taste of his lips overcome everything. And it also tastes like promises, spoken and unspoken. And you know that wherever you are, here or on the other side of the world, you will be fine, and happy, and safe. With Dacre, you don't have to be afraid of what you feel anymore, you can just let it out. You can trust him with your whole heart.

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelaninn @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines @peakascum @thisbreakableheaven @nope-thanks

#dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery fanfiction #imagine dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery #stranger things imagine #imagine billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader

236 notes · View notes

kozutenshi · 4 years

Text

"neh, tooru." he tilted his head to the side, looking at your figure arranging the pillows in your small makeshift house.

"i'll definitely marry you when we're older."

he chuckled at your sudden outburst, not coping with what you said. "what do you even mean by that?"

"well, marriage.. isn't that what happens when two people want to stay together in each other's side forever?" your unsure and confused expression made him laugh harder. the pout on your lips made him stop, patting your cheek with a soft smile on his face.

"well then, i guess i'm gonna have to get a ring ready."

BALAY BALAY

— "bahay-bahayan" in Filipino!

— a game played my two or more wherein the kids would act like a real family doing what a family does normally. literally in simple terms, playing house.

— used to play this with my cousin, two other friends, and my childhood friend. yes, my childhood friend was the dad and i was the mom.

sometimes, you wonder which events made things turn out to be how they currently were.

seasons change, and your years of stay in this world had been growing. the amount of times you told a lie or two, the amount of times you cried, laughed, burst out of anger; collectively, this was what our life was.

oikawa thinks the same way too.

the young man sat on the park bench, looking out to the beach of brazil. he should be in argentina right now, practicing the sport he loves, but ever since he got the mail, it was as if a part of him felt too empty to function. his team gave him a week off, and he found himself going back to brazil reminiscing.

he thumbed the gold letterings, almost wishing the letter came with your scent instead of the roses that made the contents painfully obvious.

of course he had opened it, the seal already broken enough to know that he had opened it several times. taking a deep breath, he held his tears back.

how did it come to this?

on the other side of the world, you waited for his answer, the man you stuck with since children. it had been days since the mail was reportedly received. you were nervous, gulping down a lump on your throat to his lack of response. warm arms wrapped you from behind, kissing your temple. "hasn't he replied yet?"

his hand took yours, playing with the ring he gave you and drawing slow therapeutic circles on your skin. you smiled sadly at your fiancee, before shaking your head and melting into his arms. "nope. aren't you supposed to be at work?" he chuckled sheepishly before picking up his things and kissing you tenderly. "yeah. i'm off now. i'm sure he's just preoccupied so don't stress yourself over his response, yeah?" you nodded, sending him off with a loving smile which he returned.

as the door closed, your eyes went back to the laptop screen, begrudgingly thinking of your work before sitting down and continuing it. you didn't know what time it was when you finished, but it was probably an hour or two already when the doorbell rang.

lazily, you stood up and opened the door to find oikawa standing at your doorstep. "yo, n/n-chan." your eyes showed your shock and your body froze, before you relaxed and chuckled. "yikes, i'm hallucinating," you muttered under your breath before closing the door in his face.

"you know.. i'm flattered that you think of me that much that i can be a hallucination.. but for real, i'm 100% human, no alien stuff here."

the "I can't believe you're here" face you had made him chuckle, opening his arms for you to fall into. your scent was familiar, your warmth, your smile, until you dissolved into sobs. frantically, he moved away from you and wiped the tears off tenderly with shaky hands. "what? why are you crying?!"

"tooru! why weren't responding to me?" he chuckled nervously, knowing full well that telling the real reason will complicate things. "i wasn't sure what to answer just yet so i decided to discuss the matter with my coaches first. sorry, n/n-chan. now, can you stop crying, princess?"

it was painful to lie to you, but if it is for what's better, then he'd do it. "don't call me that." you urge yourself to move away and invite him into your apartment shared with your fiance. his eyes scanned the loft, noting the things that mirrored your personality on every shelf, every wall.

"how long have you been here in japan?"

"this is my third day. i'll go back tomorrow."

"ah, i see. then shall we spend the day together?"

"yeah. i did meet the three guys yesterday. it's your turn."

you placed the bowl of chips in front of him, urging to eat while he raised his eyebrows in question. "why didn't you invite me?"

"better question. why are you eating chips this early?" you shrugged, shoving a piece or two into your mouth. "it's not that early. it's like, almost noon."

he rolled his eyes and started eating. the silence stretched on but it was comforting. his eyes raked on your figure, how you were still the same, but different. as if a part of you stayed, the other changed.

"oh yeah. i have to go to that volleyball thing to help takeru with his plays. wanna come with?"

"takeru, as in my nephew?"

"yeah, who else?"

"there are tons of takeru's in this country, y'know."

you shrugged. "well you have no choice. you're coming with. say cheese to the camera. i'll tell my fiancee about you suddenly being here." raising your phone, you snapped a photo to your fiance, telling him you'll spend the day with tooru which he agreed with a "take care" message.

oikawa watched your lips curve to a smile, the same one he fell in love with, only to realize it wasn't for him. was he hurt? no.

numb. that's what he was.

the two of you passed by your previous school, onto the training grounds reminiscing stories after stories. with a pouting takeru, the three of you watched the smaller children train, a fond smile on your face. a small little girl stumbled to you with tears. "mama?"

oikawa saw how petrified you looked for a second before you sat down and tried to ease her. he then recalled how the two of you used to play, hand in hand, eyes to eyes. he sat beside you, patting the head of the child lightly which she seemed to like.

you watched how he calmed her with no words, and how she went from crying to laughing in minutes. a fond smile was on your face when the mother came over and took the child.

"you two look good together. thank you so much for taking care of her."

"thank you but we aren't-"

"thank you. it was no problem ma'am!"

he waved a hand to the child who smiled at him and waved back. his smile was a genuine warm one, his eyes holding adoration, before they shifted to you. "what are you staring at, n/n-chan?"

you shook your head. "i just wondered where you got your skills in calming down a child until i remember takeru."

"I didn't learn it from taking care of him, y'know." confused, you looked at him, his eyes looking somewhere far. "i learned it from you." he stood up, stretching and looked down on your sitting figure.

"c'mon n/n-chan. before they remember who i am-"

"excuse me. you're oikawa tooru, right?"

a highschool girl shyly stood with her group of friends, their phones clutched to their chests. somehow this reminded you of the days when he was innocently playing volleyball with iwaizumi, until a bunch of girls came from the vending machines, clutching boxes of milk in different flavors, some holding milk bread in their hands. you deadpanned when you realize they were holding out their phones for you to take their picture.

"tooru. you better treat me food after this, okay?" he knew your look. the one that made him gulp and feel threatened. "yes, of course, n/n-chan."

and so he did, and before you know it, it was getting dark. the two of you were in the apartment, the credits rolling just like every other times the two of you bonded.

"today was fun."

it's always fun with you. "sure was."

now, unlike before, the silence was deafening. "have you ever wondered.. how things would've worked out if you did something different in the past?"

your question caught him off guard and he tensed up before he suck into the couch. "not really." a lie.

"it might weigh down on me too much if i did."

your chuckle came sad, a hint of pain under it. "i see." now the atmosphere was too quiet. the movie has rolled its credits, the TV flashing a selection of movies again.

painful. it was painfully obvious that something is wrong and you couldn't help but want to cry.

"do you.. remember-"

"will you come?"

your voice was unsure, shaky, loud, when you looked at him with tears in your eyes. "you will, right?" his heart cracked. he knew this would happen already. he flashed a soft smile before taking you in his arms.

"of course i will. it's the wedding of my favorite n/n-chan after all. besides, you know i.."

he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his thumb wiping your tears gently. there was something lonely about his movements, the way he caressed you, as if saying 'this is the last time', or maybe a temporary goodbye. he held you closer, his warmth enveloping you.

"i will always be there."

TRAVELLERS: @doodleniella @kenmakodzu @lyzzklm @mfcassandra @oikaw-ugh @seijohlogy @thesecondapplepienation

92 notes · View notes

thedandelion-writer · 3 years

Note

𑁍 aaah congratulations on 600 followers~ you've come a long way! could i participate in your "blid date" event too, please? i'd like a male match and don't mind knowing other possible results!

my mbti is infj and i am a virgo. i'm quiet but friendly, sometimes even described as "too nice" due to my love for helping others. then again, i tend to be subconsciously picky with the people i actually want to get to know and keep my distance from rest (while still getting along). i try my best to be positive and hard-working and enjoy the little things in life!

for dates i love either staying in and having a comfy anime/movie marathonvwith home-made snacks, or going to some place with many activities (like an amusement park, hikes in forests, karaoke or shopping malls). places with pretty sceneries are also romantic for me, so stargazing walks along a beach during sunset/sunrise are lovely ♡︎

i value loyalty, sincerety and comfortable silence in relationships. someone who's patient, doesn't mind my bad jokes and knows when it's time for a change of pace is probably the best for me. i don't mind an extrovert as long as they're considerate!

for first dates i wouldn't kiss straight on the lips, but one on the cheek or forehead is cute. hand-holding is fine as well! i'd rather focus on getting to know the person before going to anything mire romantic.

that's all, thank you so much for taking time to read this! i hope you have a lovely day and stay safe ♡︎

A/N: Of course you can! And thank you so much for the congratulations <3 I thought about a lot of possible ones for you honestly, but I hope you enjoyed what I came up with. This was my first time writing Chongyun so...bear with me? Also wishing you a wonderful day, and to stay safe :D

For the sake of it, he does not have congenital positivity (did I spell it right?) in this scenario.

But without further ado, you're going with...

Chongyun!

My reasons!

For the most part, you and him are quite similar. I believe he would value how hard working and positive you are and would gladly enjoy small things with you (he is also quite the hard worker after all). Chongyun is not a grand person after all, quite the opposite in fact, I think he is quite humble. He likes and appreciates that you are nice and love to help because he too wants to help people by keeping them away from evil spirits (I feel like he'll also help any average person in need). For significant others I think Chongyun would be flexible to match with but someone on the quieter, calmer side would help him maintain his cool demeanor (literally!) a little easier. And lastly, I just think he checks all the boxes: loyal, sincere, patient, doesn't mind comfortable silence. Being around Xingqiu, he doesn't mind your jokes and is able to find humour in it even if you consider them bad. My other choice for you included Zhongli, however, one thing stopped me from doing so and that is the fact that he probably wouldn't be as good as handling your jokes and that he would lack the "would know when it's time for a change of pace." So yes, I feel that the popsicle would be a better match :)

The First Date:

As you approached the movie theatre, you spot him, and involuntarily started muffling a giggle.

Gosh you almost felt bad for taking an extra five minutes, Chongyun just looked so awkward just standing there

To relieve him of his troubles, you waved frantically to get his attention. Immediately, his eyes lit up and he waved tentatively waved back.

"I'm so sorry! Did I take too long?" You were slightly out of breath after getting to him as fast as you could.

"N-not at all," Chongyun assured, smiling softly enough to melt your heart. "Shall we?"

After buying the tickets to a horror movie that you knew he liked, ignoring his 'are you sure Y/N? We can watch something else-', you bought a bucket of popcorn to share and he chose qingxin iced tea for the drinks.

Truthfully, you were indifferent towards this genre. But knowing that Chongyun liked this kind of stuff, you wanted to show him that you were observant and thoughtful enough to pick these kinds of things up.

You settle into the theatre seats and the movie begins. During the first half, it was a little hard to concentrate, what with your hand brushing against his every time you reach into the popcorn.

Every time, Chongyun would retract his hand as if he touched hot iron, clearing his throat a little or drinking the iced tea.

How cute, he's so shy! You thought, trying to contain a smile.

Soon though, the 'distractions' ended, and you ended up actually watching the movie.

Oh boy...was that a mistake

It was way scarier than you thought, but you didn't want to overreact for fear that Chongyun would notice and leave for your sake (not when he looked so into it!)

You gripped the armrest, but maybe you held onto it too hard or you let your fear show too much because he suddenly looked very concerned.

"Y/N..."

And then you heard a jumpscare happen, but your vision was dark.

He covered your eyes for you

"Y-yeah?"

The lights come on (what a relief) and you see the concern look he had on your face.

"You should have told me it was too much, we could have left."

"That's exactly what I didn't want," you mumbled.

"Yes?"

"Ah! I meant, it wasn't too bad for the most part...just the ending. And you looked so interested I didn't want to interrupt."

You fiddled with your clothes, not regretting what you did but guilty because he looked as if he was disappointed you didn't tell him you were scared.

"Hey, don't worry about it alright? Why don't we get some ice cream next? It's a little hot out," you laugh nervously, trying to cheer him up.

Chongyun looked up at you through his lashes (omghislashes), gave you a small smile and nodded.

"I'll make it up to you I promise! This place has the best flavours," you led him by the arm to a brightly lit shop.

As you enter, you breathed in the lightly sweet air and excitedly brought him to the glass case containing colorful containers.

After you got your favourite combinations (you laughing at Chongyun because of the expression he had on his face when he saw Jueyun Chili ice cream exists), you sat down by the window to people watch.

"You got a little something," he pointed to his cheek.

"Hm?" you rubbed at the area you thought he was referring but didn't find anything.

"It's more to the ah- left, hold on," he reached over to rub at the spot of dessert stuck to your face.

At such a simple touch, you felt your stomach exploding with butterflies, hand immediately flying to the spot his fingers just left. He looked at you, dazed, as if not believing himself for just doing that.

Well let's just say there was a lot of spluttering after that.

Looking out, the sun was starting to set, so Chongyun offered to head back before it started getting dark.

He insisted to walk you home, the both of you draped in a calm silence. You both enjoyed the evening air in each other's presences, and you were glad that he didn't make you feel as if you needed to talk to connect. You decide that it was a nice feeling, and he was a very nice person to spend time with.

"We're here," you announced once you reached the building. "Thank you for today Chongyun, I had a lot of fun!"

"Likewise," he scratched at his neck,"I had a great time-"

You had kissed him on the cheek as an impulse. "Goodbye! Give me a call when you reach home!"

And off you went, running inside to leave the poor boy spotaneously combusting on the street.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #chongyun x reader #genshin matchups #chongyun #chongyun genshin impact #chongyun imagines #Lynn's 600

31 notes · View notes

m4tsuk4ze · 3 years

Text

Naoyuta and why I can't stop thinking about it

Naoyuta ( Naoyuu / Yuunao ) is the ship between Naoya Kido and Yuta Matsukaze. Now this post will just be me ranting about Naoyuta and why people in the community should talk about it more.

[ Quick warning : I AM Yuta so I will be referring to myself in the first person during this whole post. Also, if you reply, please do not mention anything about Kosu/Yuu because I can literally explain how that's never going to happen and why I'm so uncomfortable about it ]

Part 1 : A Pair of Nerds

I ( Yuta ) am a surfer from Shōnan who was born and raised at my parent's surfing shop. Naoya is a surfer from Oita. Through dialogue, it's revealed that I've known Naoya longer than he's known me. Our first meeting was either at the cafe where he got Miruru merch from [ WAVE!! 4-koma ], where he met both me and Kosuke twice, but never had a proper conversation, we only told him that he can have our coasters and cards. Or at my surf shop, where Naoya came in to check out a necklace he saw [ Yuta Matsukaze - Analysis During Shop Duty ].

Our feelings towards each other are unknown, as the full relationship chart only says "?". Meanwhile, the character relationship charts have our opinions on each other. Though, from the mmm relationship chart, me and Naoya are shown to be confused with each other, "Miruru...?" "Megane character...?".

Part 2 : Next to each other.

As the 5th and 6th characters in the roster, me and Naoya are constantly paired together in promotional works and songs. Though, that's not as important as our actual relationship to each other.

We don't get to see much in the anime, though there have been a lot of interactions outside of it that shows that we're not as far apart as we seem.

From the [ WAVE!! 4-koma ], it's shown that me and Naoya has spent a couple of days together. In one comic, I was spending my whole day with him to figure out how he's so amazing at surfing. We ended up only watching anime, which made my notes fill up with data about Miruru. That databook was then given to Naoya. Something interesting is how the narrator said "There was no data collected, but the distance between their hearts did shorten."

On the game story [ Yuta Matsukaze - Analysis During Shop Duty ], I said a line that could be interpreted as falling in love or gaining interest, "At first, I was just supposed to guard the store. But before I knew it, I was..." In the same story, I also told Naoya that I've been watching him for over a year ( to which he called me a stalker, but that's fair i guess ), though it was Naoya telling me that he didn't mind me talking so much.

Naoya, meanwhile, doesn't give us much. He's said I was different on multiple occasions, on the character relationship charts ( which we will get to later ) and in the story [ Naoya Kido - The Secret of the Notebook ], where he said "…… Hinaoka-senshu is not ready yet. But Matsukaze-senshu is different." when it came to names for techniques. Naoya has also became really enthusiastic when I told him that I would probably move to Tokyo after high school [ WAVE!! 4-koma ]. We also got a close up shot of Naoya being worried for me during my heat with Fuke----

Also, a friend of mine theorised that the promotional SURFDAYS illustrations, the ways we're holding our surfboards are the way we'll hold our significant others...... So in terms of being next to each other,,,

Part 3 : Annoying?!

Now on to those character relationship charts.

On my relationship chart :

Y -> N : "He gets really excited when we're in Tokyo"

N -> Y : "I'd rather watch the latest Miruru episode than listen to your data."

On Naoya's relationship chart :

Y -> N : "His Miruru fan-ness gets annoying."

N -> Y : "He's a little different from the megane characters I know."

So yes, not that positive.... Though, despite me finding his love for Miruru a little annoying, it doesn't stop me from looking out for him. On the game event story [ Chocolate Securing Plan ], Nalu reveals that I've been telling him about Naoya. Nalu said that I told him not to touch the truth about Miruru, or basically, not to reality check him. This came up when Sho almost told Naoya about how fictional characters can't make real life chocolate.

Part 4 : Trivia and Hints

Me alerting Bill as to why Naoya isn't going to participate in the Forest Cup [ WAVE!! 4-koma ]

Me being the first to try and help Naoya after seeing him sad because the anime isn't going to stream in his city [ WAVE!! 4-koma ]

Me saying that I need Naoya in Shōnan after finding out how Naoya could actually make Kosuke take a break [ WAVE!! 4-koma ]

Me falling more into interest with Naoya after finding out how he is towards 2D and 3D girls [ Naoya Kido - 2D and 3D ]

Me itching to talk to him after seeing him at the beach [ Naoya Kido - The Secret of the Notebook ]

Me being the most worried when mine and Masaki's plan to give Naoya Miruru Dried Sweet Potatoes failed [ Naoya's Birthday Post 2020 ]

Naoya saying he doesn't mind that I talk a lot and that I'm just enthusiastic [ Yuta Matsukaze - Analysis During Store Duty ]

Naoya actually laughing and blushing at whatever the fuck I'm showing him [ WAVE!! Surfing Yappe!! Vol.2 DVD Cover ]

Part 5 : Yuta's Thoughts

Yeah so far it seems somewhat one-sided. I've shown a lot of interest towards Naoya in multiple different stories. Though there's much on him towards me. It's not something I mind though. In the stories, Naoya has shown to be kind towards me, though sometimes sarcastic and straightforward. He's a really interesting person and I'm glad that I could figure him out piece by piece. In the end, we still feel very far apart.

Yet, despite our distance and somewhat distaste for each other, we also have a lot of similarities. First of all, we're both described as nerds. But we also have shown to be the most perceptive out of the whole group, other similarities is that we can't seem to fucking shut up about our interests, and we also treasure our friends very much.

Part 6 : Final Thoughts

Anyways Naoyuta is a great ship, fuck you nerd x nerd is superior I don't want to hear anyone say shit about it. Also pink and green literally amazing, the colour palette is just spectacular, I cannot shut up about it.

This is dedicated to the first showing of Shonan the WAVE!! which will be streamed on the LOVE&ART official YouTube channel featuring both mine and Naoya's seiyuus, Yusuke Shirai and Shunichi Toki, on Friday 21st of May at 21:00 JST

Manifesting a Naoyuta drama but who knows.

Also WAVE!! Wonderful Party has a clip,,, It might be from a drama featuring the both of us or it could be something else. If it's the former then WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID I FUCKING MOAN AFTER NAOYA SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LAUNCHING SOMETHING [ CONTEXT PLEASE ]

Anyways have a great day, this was Yuta Matsukaze ranting about his own relationship and being gay as fuck so I hope you enjoyed reading it.

To leave off this post, I'll be sharing some art. And that's it, thank you for reading, goodbye for now!

- m4tsuk4ze || Yūta

Part 7 : Naoyuta so true

#wave surfing yappe #wave project #wave naminori boys #naminori boys #yuta matsukaze #matsukaze yuta #naoya kido #kido naoya #naoyuta #me in the gay

4 notes · View notes

liron-ao3 · 3 years

Text

Read it on AO3

Dreams of water and sand

A post-canon Destiel oneshot

Dean watches out over the lake. He isn't even sure if it holds any fishes that might bite, but sitting here on the wooden boardwalk, a fishing rod lazily in his hand, just like in his dream all those years ago, he doesn't care. It's not his purpose today, whatever meaning this word might hold in heaven.

Time is strange here. It's running fast, but everything seems to be slowed down at the same time. Maybe that's just what eternity feels like.

Dean wonders how it must have been for Castiel to be pulled out of his millennia, from humanity nonetheless, a blink of an eye for a celestial being like him.

Dean bites his lip. He never really understood him back then, not even as little as he did at the end. He called him for bullshit reasons, always complaining that the angel didn't make him his priority.

He still cringes thinking about it. Castiel's people were fighting for their existence and he just ...

There is no use in self-deprecation after all this time. No use in deconstructing himself over things he can never make right again. This wasn't the last time that he didn't listen, that he didn’t ask for Castiel's motives, didn't tell him that he needed him as more as a tool to whatever mission Dean was set on.

Sure, he called him family, even brother. But it was all a lie. At least if you count omission as lying. He should have said something before the Empty took him. He should have said something when he found him in purgatory.

There are many, many regrets that Dean collected in his too short, yet eventful life. But when he was dying and all the words he needed Sammy to hear before he was gone were said, in his last second there was nothing worse than that he didn't say it back. That Cass had died never hearing these words from him. Not even disguised as brotherly love.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be," Castiel says, suddenly standing next to him.

Dean doesn't even flinch. He waited for him here, prayed for him to come. A small part of him doubted that he would.

He watches the angel from the corner of his eye. His tie is crooked as always, his trademark trenchcoat pushed back just like the suit jacket as Castiel has his hands in the pockets of his pants.

A light breeze works through his messy hair. Dean wants to know what it feels like to run his hand through it, wants to see the smile that he imagines to elicit by it.

"I always knew that I would go out swinging, Cass," Dean tries to comfort him and isn't that the strangest thing? Shouldn't the angel be happy that he is here, in the heaven he specifically built for him?

"No," Castiel insists, voice even and sure, "you should have lived a long, happy life, should have had a house with a garden and a swing, a beautiful wife, and green-eyed kids that smile like you do."

Dean turns his head to look at him properly, the confusion forging deep lines into his features. "Do you really think that's what I was dreaming of?"

Castiel still looks out at the lake, hands clearly fists in his trouser pockets.

"What were you dreaming of?" he asks, his voice barely a whisper above the soft wind blowing waves over the water surface.

Dean chuckles. He knows it's silly, but he owes Castiel the truth. After all these years of not being open, of omitting and fogging the truth, of keeping him in the dark, he deserves to know.

"This. I dreamt of this. You and me, sitting on this boardwalk. Me holding the rod in one hand and your hand in the other. You with one of those silly fishing hats. Just sharing the peaceful surroundings and nature's sounds."

He stops talking for a moment, waiting for the angel to fill the silence. Dean turns his face up and to the side, studying the lines scattered around the angel's eyes, the straight line of the bridge of his nose, his eyelashes so beautiful in the afternoon-ish sun. He wants to brush his thumb over the everlasting scruff on Castiel's jaw, wants to kiss these chapped lips until they are wet and glissening.

He needs to look away again. It's too much. He had never allowed himself to look at him this closely and now all the details that make Castiel his Cass are overwhelming.

But maybe it's too late. Maybe now back in full grace Castiel doesn't feel for him what he felt back on earth, slowly turning more human, losing his essence to become a smaller version that was just content in being useful to the Winchester's.

A sudden pain works its way to Dean's heart, clenches it harder than death's hold on it on that fateful day.

I love you, Castiel had said then and every bit of solid ground inside of Dean had crumbled away. Truths that he held as his own for decades. That he wasn't good enough, not worthy of unconditional love, only useful in the roles he assigned to himself or let others assign to him: son, brother, friend, the ladies' man, Michael's sword, father.

All that fell away and in the ashes that remained, for the long minutes that he sat on the cold floor after Castiel was gone, there was only one role left, one he couldn't ever allow himself to carry out of the bunker: Dean, the man who was loved by an angel and worthy of being loved. It was tangible and yet fleeting.

How could he hold on to this role that he just received? How could he build on it when the person who assigned it to him wasn't there anymore to fill it, to reinforce it, push it into his stubborn head and doubtful heart until he would finally believe?

Yes, Dean had denied the role that Chuck had assigned to him, rejected it still under the influence of Castiel's words. But he didn't truly believe them. Not yet. Maybe one day he would have, if he had stayed alive long enough.

But now he is here and the old fear of not being good enough for a literal angel is back in full swing.

There'll be peace when you are done. Dean wants to call bullshit on the line, but then he realises that it's just his old pattern of dealing with things: assuming - not asking, pushing his feelings down - not making himself vulnerable.

"What about you, Cass? What were you dreaming of?"

He dares to look at the angel and the small smile he sees playing on his lips is so worth the swarm of butterflies that nearly make him dizzy.

"You, Sam, Eileen, Jack, and I on the beach, our feet in hot sand, the waves clashing against the shore in a neverending dance. Me putting sunscreen on your face and you complaining about it. Cold beer in a cooler, your head in my ...," he trails off.

Dean smiles. "My head in your lap, the cowboy hat on your messy hair, salt on our skin from taking a swim."

Castiel moves his head in one smooth motion and fixes his eyes on Dean's for the first time. "That would have been nice," he murmurs.

Dean nods lightly. "We could still have this," Dean whispers, "if you wanted to that is."

Castiel's face lights up and damn it, Dean is flashed by the beauty of it, pulled under in a current of light and love.

He swallows hard, not trusting his legs to carry his non-existent weight. He's still not used to being like this either, so he doesn't trust himself to not fall into the lake while trying to take this step.

So he reaches out and takes Castiel's hand instead, pulling softly until the angel understands.

Cass kneels down next to him and Dean can finally touch. All those places he wasn't allowed to. No, scratch that. That he didn’t allow himself to touch. They are there, right in front of him. So he brushes his thumb over Castiel's stubble with his free hand, runs it over his lips and the bow of his cheekbone, sighs contently when Cass leans into his hand and closes his beautiful eyes, relishing in the moment.

This. This is so much more real than anything Dean shared with anyone in the physical world. This is real. This is good. Dean Winchester is finally home.

#dean winchester #castiel #deancas #destiel #fanfiction #post canon #getting together #theirlovewasreal

3 notes · View notes

roswelldetails · 4 years

Text

RNM 2x13 - Mr. Jones

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SEASON FINALE — Having realized that a deadly threat has infiltrated CrashCon, the busiest event of the year, Liz (Jeanine Mason) realizes that she can’t save everyone she loves — and with Max (Nathan Dean) facing immediate danger, she and Isobel must make a heart-wrenching choice. Meanwhile, Michael (Michael Vlamis) finds himself caught up in the conflict between Jesse (Trevor St. John) and Alex (Tyler Blackburn) once again, even as Maria’s (Heather Hemmens) life hangs in the balance elsewhere, and Kyle (Michael Trevino) faces a moral dilemma when the enemy requires medical attention. Jeffrey Hunt directed the episode written by Christopher Hollier & Carina Adly MacKenzie (#213). Original airdate 6/15/2020.

DETAILS:

The episode opens with Isobel trying to hold back the fire. They don't actually show Rosa convincing Liz to go stop the explosion. But she runs up to Isobel and explains her science:

"I have to activate the ingredients first, but once I introduce my solution to the system it should kill the cellular matrix."

Liz literally squirts the console with her "solution".

Rosa is doing CPR on Max and praying. Max wakes up just as Kyle runs up. Immediately Max directs Kyle to Flint instead of himself. It's interesting. When Max previously killed with his hand, in 1x06, he instantly knew that he killed the drifter. This time he wasn't sure (and he didn't. We eventually learn). Rosa and Kyle take Flint to the hospital.

Meanwhile Helena is saving Charlie's life.

"Jesse Manes was the only one supposed to get hurt."

Which is...not what happened. Jesse, Flint, Max, Maria...even Liz got hurt. She burned her hand on the console.

Maria is being rolled into the hospital. She got there really really fast. Cam is by her side.

Liz is still squirting her solution onto the console. It turns red. Liz asks Isobel to get people away but Isobel refuses to leave Liz alone.

Jesse, Greg, Michael, and Alex are still mid-standoff.

"Gregory, listen. You and I have had our differences in the past, but you should stand with me now."

"You're not well, Dad."

Jesse hits Gregory with the atomizer and appears to knock him out. He tries to shoot Michael, but Alex tackles him.

"Guerin, get the atomizer! Get it away from my brother!"

"Alex, I can't."

Jesse gets the upper hand in the fistfight with Alex and steals Alex's gun. Turns to shoot Michael again.

Liz makes more solution and squirts more of it on the console. This time it starts to crack. Isobel pulls Liz to safety and the console shrivels and dies.

The dying console just doesn't work as well in still form, so @maxortecho giffed it for me! Thank you!! 😘

Max runs up to them.

"You disabled it. You saved everyone."

"Is Flint dead? Did you kill him?"

He looks at Liz with some heavy heart eyes for her being the hero. She looks at him with fear.

Back to the Maneses and Michael. Jesse has a gun on Michael. Michael has the atomizer.

"Drop it, Guerin. Drop it!"

There's a gunshot. Jesse Manes falls and Michael has blood on his face. Gregory shot Jesse from behind.

"I should have defended you from him a long time ago."

"There are no more Manes men left."

Jesse dies.

Indeterminant time jump. Liz is late for work.

"Sorry, Javi. I just...I haven't really been sleeping."

"You've said that every day since CrashCon. You still having nightmares? …Did you read the papers this morning."

"Oh, I've kind of been trying to avoid the papers."

"Did you hear about that veteran who died at the carnival? They're going to have a parade, build a statue. Did you know he was disabled?"

Customers at the counter are discussing CrashCon:

"The CrashCon discourse is saying aliens invaded and killed the guy."

"That should be good for tourism."

"Newspaper said it was smoke inhalation though."

"He was making sure all the kids got out safely and the smoke overwhelmed him."

"We need more people like him."

Soooo much to unpack here. And most of it is addressed by Helena and Rosa's exchange at the end of the episode. But the big question to me is… who is spreading the rumors and covering this up? Is it Flint? Is he even well enough to take the lead on that? Is it someone else with Project Shepherd that we haven't met? The mayor? I mean, Jesse was shot! There was a lot of blood! Plus, remember what happened in 1x11 and 1x12: it's a small town. People notice gunshots.

Liz goes to take a table's order and, surprise! It's Diego. Who had gone back to Denver after CrashCon. He brought Dr. Margot Meyerson to Roswell to meet Liz.

Michael is visiting Maria at the hospital:

"What are you doing?"

"Oh they cut your bracelet off during surgery. How are you? You look better."

"Liz has been dropping by every day to inject me with witch serum."

"Ooh the synthetic nucleotide excision repair genomogenate? We're lucky you're only part alien, otherwise there wouldn't have been enough left of you for her to save."

"Listen, do you think you could use your telekinesis to open this box? Mimi left it when she visited. It's a family heirloom, but she forgot the key."

"Mimi hasn't exactly been leading you in the right direction lately. Her psychic visions led you toward a bomb instead of away from it. Seeing you like that -- all sick and pale and quiet -- I started praying."

Max and Isobel are at Max's house. Isobel is studying the photos of the console and alien symbols.

"I wish I understood why Louise and Nora would spend a year building an alien weapon of mass destruction."

"I don't think it was a bomb. I think it's a communication device. It's like a remote, you know, it just happens to be combustible."

"Are you mad at me, Max? Did I do something wrong? Is it that we're not related, or are you upset about the abortion? Because I…"

"Whoa, hey, God no."

"Because you're not talking to me."

"You're not the only one. I didn't want everyone to worry, you know, 'cause I've been taking some of Liz's antidote. And things are coming back to me. Little flashes, sort of, mostly. Like vague memories."

"Michael said that you kind of zoned out when you touched that alien bomb...remote thing. Did it trigger a memory?"

"When I touched the console, I heard whispers that I could almost understand. All right, it's like the same with those symbols. I mean it's like their meaning is just beyond reach. Except for one word. I took this from Graham Green's display at CrashCon. See that? It's an aerial photo of some crop circles from Roswell in 1948. This farm belonged to a guy called Jones. Pretty sure it says savior... This is my name. Maybe that means you and Michael's parents weren't the only ones that survived the crash. Right, maybe I had a family too. You know, maybe my mom was just across town."

"Max. I really wish that you could just focus on the present. You know, I mean, as a recently deceased man, I really feel like you should be enjoying the simple pleasures in life, you know, like reading nerdy books, the smell of leather, and that feeling when you wake up before your alarm and the person you love is still asleep and they're kind of snoring a little bit. It's like the best thing that ever happened to you. Stuff like that."

"I want all those things too. But I feel like if I only know half of myself, I'm only half living. And I know you understand that, Iz, because I've watched you this year become your entire self. And it is so beautiful. Okay, I am not at all mad at you. Are you kidding me? I am so proud of you. I am so proud that you're my sister."

Michael and Alex in the shed. For all that the shed is such a key location in this show's canon this is the first time we've seen it since 1x06.

"Maria made me bring food over. I gave it to Gregory. Seems to be holding up okay."

"Everything my family touches turns to crap. My dad used to talk about how my Grandpa Harlan built this she'd with his bare hands when he was, like, seventy. For a long time it was my safest space. And the one night my dad destroyed it."

"You're right. This place sucks."

Michael and Alex start destroying the shed. In the next scene Michael breaks a floorboard revealing a skeleton. The skeleton is wearing dog tags, so Alex grabs them. In his shirt pocket Michael spots and grabs the key to Maria's box. The tags say Eugene Manes III. So this is Tripp's body. Which confirms for Alex that his grandfather killed Tripp.

Max and Liz are walking in the plaza.

"I don't understand the violence, Max. Flint could have had brain damage given how long he wasn't breathing. You risked your life to hurt him and he had already thrown the weapon away, Max, so why? I can't get that image out of my head. You trying to kill Alex's brother."

"I know. I snapped. Last year Noah told me that we were energized by killing and not by healing. Even then I knew he was right. I… Obviously I can usually fight that, but I guess this time my better angels just didn't show up."

"We have to stop keeping secrets from each other, Max. There's a scientist in town. She's a supervisor at Genoryx. She has a job for me in California. She's offered to sponsor my dad's citizenship. And it could put me in a position to help Rosa too. I mean, I'd be able to do a lot of good with the grant money they're offering, and I know that all sounds too good to be true, but…"

"It sounds like someone finally realizes how valuable your mind is."

"I think that a change of scenery will be so good for us. I mean, we could get a place by the beach and you could write."

"You want me to come with you?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, I mean, I just told you I have this killer instinct, and you want me to come to California with you."

"We'll figure it out. Okay? We'll figure all of it out together. Run away with me, Max Evans?"

"Anywhere."

Max goes to see Cam at work. She picks on him for getting arrested and has his mugshot as her desktop background because friends!

Max asks about Charlie.

"Yeah she texted me from a burner phone that she was all right and then she vanished again."

Max tells her that he has a doctor's appointment and then asks her to do some undercover work for him.

Michael visiting Maria at the hospital.

"So Alex thinks Harlan found out that Tripp was an alien sympathizer all that time and he offed him."

"So Mimi must have known that you would find it. That's why she left the box. Look, I know you don't trust my mom's visions, but I was the only one who could grab that atomizer and run with it. If it had been you, you'd be dead."

Maria takes off the bracelet.

"What are you doing? Maria, that prevents brain damage."

"I'm only part alien, but it is a part of me. Even if it's dangerous I can't just turn off a piece of myself."

"So I'm supposed to sit around helpless as you fade away? Maria, I cannot watch you disappear. I love you."

"I love you too."

"So can we just let this go?"

"You have it wrong. Mimi hasn't disappeared. Yes she can be inconvenient, she can make people uncomfortable, but maybe she's supposed to be an uncomfortable inconvenience that saves lives. And now I need to be inconvenient, and I don't want to be someone that hurts you. I think that we should find out what's next, apart from each other."

"Wait, so you think that if we break up, I'm gonna be able to stop caring about you?"

"I learned so much, being with you. You sacrificed yourself without hesitation when Alex needed you."

"I would have done the same for you."

"I know. I don't doubt your capacity for love, 'cause you made me so happy this year. And I loved being someone that made you happy. I just think that we should leave it be, before I wonder if someone else could make you happier. Open the box, Guerin. Let's see what comes next.

Skip forward to the Crashdown where Michael has the box in a booth with Alex and Isobel. He opens the box and pulled out a journal, which they in turn read aloud.

I did a separate post on the journal's content and the Tripp and Nora flashbacks here:

Kyle visits Steph in the hospital

"What do you think will happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I die, idiot."

"You know, Socrates thought that death was a blessing, because only one of two things could happen. Either consciousness ceases, and it's like falling into a dreamless sleep. Or you go to where all who have died before you have gone. Your loved ones, people you admire. If you lived a good and just life, you will be surrounded by goodness and justice, in a place without fear. Sorry. I thought a lot about this when my dad passed, so I…"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm putting you through this again."

"No...I want to be here."

Liz interrupts them. She clearly wasn't expecting Kyle to be there and comments on Max's appointment. Kyle gets up to leave.

Diego and Margot are talking in the Wild Pony:

"I was very impressed with her work when we first pursued her, but when I met her today, not so much."

"Why? 'Cause she had a little ketchup on her uniform?"

Undercover!Jenna staggers up to them and spills her drink on them, tells Margot that she's beautiful, and plants a listening device.

"Anyway I think we should move on."

"Okay, wait a sec. Liz has been working on something recently, but she signed this NDA. Although I guess she can't be blamed if we took a peek, you know? Without permission."

The line that will haunt me for the next year. Kyle to Max while showing him what appears to be chest X-rays.

"You know what I'm saying here, right Max?"

Cameron calls:

"You were right. It is too good to be true. Diego just told some woman he can get her access to Liz's lab. He must have followed her there."

"Well, there's a security system."

"The way he's talking, it sounded like Diego's pretty certain he can get access. They just left here, Evans. You need to tell Liz to get anything incriminating out of there - now."

Max arrives at the lab and immediately sees that the security system was manufactured by Genoryx. He uses his powers to break the system and get into the lab. He quickly searches through all of Liz's records and then pours what appears to be gas or lighter fluid or some other flammable substance all over the place and then uses his powers to set a fire.

He listens to the notes on Liz's recorder, which by the way has 22 minutes of recording on it. Some of what we hear:

This is my record of the dissection of specimen NB.

... immunoglobulin harvested from alien DNA can be transferred to a human recipient.

Commence dissection of the dorsal side of the spinal nerve.

I hypothesize that the female specimen's plasma…

Bracken's seminal cells indicate a pH level double that of a human counterpart.

I'm now extracting the grey matter to measure alien voxel signals.

Note that Max doesn't seem to have any chest pain this time when he uses his powers.

Right as Diego and Margot show up the lab explodes.

Max comes home to find Michael and Isobel waiting for him. He's clearly exhausted and upset after the lab.

"Can whatever this is wait until tomorrow?"

"Jones? That's the guy who grew the crop circles in the shape of my name."

"Nope. We spent the day reading Tripp Manes' journal. Caffeinate, Max... Okay, so, when I asked Sanders about this photo of Nora, he said he didn't know whose hand this was. He was all, Mr. Bernhardt, Mr. Jones, Old Man Gibbons. Could've been anybody."

"Ten points to Hufflepuff."

"So in October '48, Nora decided not to finish building the ship with Louise. She decided to go to the reservation with Tripp."

"But then little Walt convinced her to go to the fall festival, where after successfully avoiding him for a year, she finally ran into the alien stowaway who had crashed the ship. He'd been masquerading as a farmer."

"Mr. Jones."

"Tripp saw Jones approach Nora, and he recognized him from the night of the crash, but he didn't have a chance to ask Nora about it before Harlan called for a raid on the farm."

"Yeah. And after the massacre, Jones was never heard from again. Crop circles were all that was left."

"If you were in hiding, why would you grow corn in the shape of an alien symbol?"

"Maybe they just grew that way. It's the same way that this symbol just shows up everywhere, you know?"

Michael reveals his tattoo and it's the first time Max has seen it.

"Wait, when did..?"

"Oh, I got it when we weren't sure if you were coming back. It didn't feel like it was ever gonna be the same again."

"All right. There. Now can we all cowboy up and focus, please? Let's feel our feelings after we've solved the mystery of the unknown alien. After the raid on the farm, Nora was held by Project Shepherd."

Note...not actually accurate. Michael didn't get the tattoo until Max was out of surgery.

See Journal and Flashbacks post for the flashback.

Jenna and Charlie reunite. Relevant quote to remember:

Liz and Rosa find the destroyed lab. Liz sees the fractal burn that indicates that Max is the one that destroyed it.

"I fought so hard to become who I am, and I just trade her in every time I get scared? No. I don't want to be on the run anymore."

Back to Max's house:

"Whatever happened to that thing that she and Louise were building out in the desert? I mean, did she ever tell him where it was or what it was?"

"Nope. And when Tripp asked Louise about it, she was silent."

Liz walks in and interrupts.

"Why'd you do it, Max?"

They go into the bedroom to fight.

"I'd been asking you for weeks to clear out that lab, okay? I knew it wasn't safe."

"Alex installed a military-grade security system."

"A system designed by Genoryx, okay? Diego could have hacked it. He could already know everything."

"And his nefarious plan is to what? Set us up with a condo in L.A.? Give my family a second chance?"

"Okay, I have a family to protect too."

"Yes, and you could have stopped Diego without destroying a year of my work!"

"I had to act fast."

"So your first instinct was to go with the one method that would break my heart?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about your heart when I'm staring at jars with Noah's liver and his brain. I mean, what else did you harvest from us, Liz?"

"Those are just cells. I wasn't hurting anyone. I don't know what you thought love was gonna be like when we were 17, but it isn't just sunsets and horseback rides."

"You can't put this all on me. Okay you were sneaking around behind my back…"

"I apologized. I stopped. Max, you died this year. I was all alone because of a choice that you made, but still every single thing I did was for you and about you and with you. So when you were back, when I could finally touch you. When I could finally breathe. I needed to take just one moment to remember where I end and where you begin. To just be whole in who I am. I am a scientist. I am fighting for something that is bigger than me. I am trying to leave this world a better place. And I am in love with you. And right now, I hate it."

Liz leaves and Max takes another dose of the antidote.

Time jump. No idea how long or what has happened in between. Liz and Rosa on the Crashdown roof saying goodbyes.

"Dad is checking your oil and making sure you have enough chile...also you left this in our room. Mom's been texting."

"Trying to come up with a better response than, go duck yourself… You should come with me. The Ortecho sisters take California."

"I wish. But I can't. I'm going back to rehab tonight. I want to see the program through. Sorry."

"Don't be. It's the best possible thing you could have said."

"You know… Max should be your road trip buddy. You love him. You're gonna forgive him. Besides, we both know if you try to leave town without him again, he's just gonna show up with some big, grand romantic gesture to stop you."

Open mic night at the Pony. Alex and Kyle have a drink together.

"So how does it feel to have your father's murder officially avenged?."

"Feels like my dad's still dead. Flint should be okay. He'll live to become the new Jesse Manes."

"No he won't. I'm not gonna let it happen."

"After everything you still believe in redemption?"

"Well, I have a pretty good example of it right in front of me."

Alex sings his song. Michael, Isobel, Greg, and Forrest are all there listening.

Flash to Kyle going to Steph's hospital room. The bed is empty...because she's up doing her makeup, her hands steady.

"Your hands are better. Did they give you morphine?"

"I woke up this morning feeling incredible. Look at my chart. My numbers are up. It's a miracle."

"Or just really good science."

Liz is preparing to leave, her suitcase beside her in the empty Crashdown as she stands at the juke box one last time. Kyle runs in.

"What you did was reckless. And dangerous. And unethical, Liz. Thank you."

Back at the Wild Pony, Michael watches Forrest listening to Alex sing. He turns to leave. Isobel tries to stop him.

"It's a sad story, me and Alex. I have to walk away so we can start a new one someday. It's not our time right now."

"But it will be."

"I think so."

Rosa walks up to a bar. She hesitates before going in, her hands shaking.

Liz buckles into her car, ready to leave. She looks in the rearview window and waits. She's clearly expecting Max to come. But he's at home studying his alien symbols. She gives in and pulls away, leaving Roswell. Her season ends with her looking out over the ocean.

Alex finishes his song and Greg and Forrest are still there and are proud of him.

"Well, damn. How do you feel?"

"Like I just sang a song about a guy in front of a bunch of cowboys, and...I don't care."

"Oh, lucky guy, with a song like that."

"Yeah it was a long time ago…can I?"

Alex and Forrest kiss.

Rosa walks into the bar. Helena is there.

"If you came to tell me what I did wrong, your sister already texted."

"Did you get what you wanted, Mom? Is your score finally settled?"

"No. I wanted everyone to see Jesse Manes humiliated and weak. I wanted him to die knowing shame. But the papers say it was a tragedy. People like him - bad white men - they die heroes, no matter what they've done. People like us - we die villains."

"Yeah I know. I've done it. But I also got a second chance. So I get to leave a different legacy. The last time that I saw you, I said that I hated you. That's not true. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, mija."

"I also told you to leave and I was right about that. Liz was free and it should have stayed that way. Manes is gone. There is no revenge to be had. No closure and no redemption. Don't come back, mom. Don't bother Liz again. I really hope you get better. Maybe you can have a second chance too."

Another possible time jump. Michael and Isobel pull up to where Max is out in the desert.

"How'd you guys find me?"

"Freaky twin thing. What's going on?"

"I took more of the antidote. Sorry, I should have called you guys."

"Save it. We are sick of being pissed at you for being so obnoxiously yourself. Why you look so scared?"

Pod Squad is investigating a cave. There's a door or opening covered by alien text with the alien symbol on it. It sorta looks like there's something behind it.

"Um, well, when I touched the alien console at the fair, something happened. I heard whispers that I couldn't understand...until now. I think when I touched it I unlocked something... Like a cage? The whispers led me here. I know it sounds crazy, but would you guys help me find a tunnel?"

"It's sealed up."

"I feel like we should learn more before we just busy that door open."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

There's a knocking sound and a voice calls out.

"Help! Is someone there?"

"If Max unlocked something at CrashCon, whoever that is has been down here for days without…"

"I need water. Please."

"There has to be three."

Note that we now know which symbol represents each of them.

The door shatters and they all react (Isobel's face is priceless).

We flash back to the mysterious stowaway/alien hoodie dude/Jones. Louise fighting him. Now we can see that it's Max. Nora kneeling after the crash with the hand on her shoulder. It's Max's face. He attacks/burns the military men/Hector Valenti.

The stowaway/Jones looks exactly like Max. Only with a really bad beard.

"Howdy partner."

MUSIC:

1. Hootie & The Blowfish "Time"

2. Tyler Rich "Leave Her Wild"

3. Clay Rigdon "That Kinda Kiss"

4. Marc Danziesen "See Yourself"

5. Gloria Hart and Art Kassel "Frankie And Johnny"

6. The Score "Legend"

7. Sarah May Byrom "Rhythm Of A Memory"

8. Tyler Blackburn "Would You Come Home"

9. The Well Pennies "The Echo And The Shadow"

10. Valerie Broussard "Dark Side"

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #details #episode details #long post #rnm 213 #mr. jones

24 notes · View notes

yayninjabob · 4 years

Text

Author Commentary

Ramblings from Yay Ninja Bob about her monstrous creation~

Besides working on my fic, I personally try to journal every day, and I realized that a lot of my journaling has become me pretty much rambling about the process of writing this damn fic lol. So I thought I'd share some of that for those who may want to know more behind my chapters from my author's perspective.

It's certainly not everything I can say, but it is a lot haha..

Chapter 1 - Thirteen

Behind the title:

Well, when I first began writing VillainR, I hadn't planned on having chapter titles at all. Mainly because coming up with chapter titles (or titles for stories in general) has always been something I struggle with personally. Anywho after I decided I wanted to challenge myself with chapter titles, I went back and named chapter 1 "Thirteen." Why? Well, it is the PpG's thirteenth birthday, of course there is that. VillainR as a whole is many things, but one major thing is it is a coming of age story for Buttercup/Joey/Jojo, as well as a story of self-discovery. There's a few important ages I wanted to cover and 13 is around the age where many kids start to "develop" and being a super-powered kid, Buttercup finally begins to develop her own "special power" at this age. I wanted this "growing pain" to be the catalyst for the events of Part One. So, I gave the chapter the title of "Thirteen" to try to highlight the significance of that age for Buttercup. The self-discovery made at this age is that special power (although they are unaware of it at this point). It's considered an unlucky number, and as it turns out, it is an unlucky year for our main character.

During the writing process:

First draft was written on Halloween night 2019 and pretty much all of it was completely scrapped haha.

I started writing it in first person, like the original Villain, in Buttercup's POV. I kept the events but approached it again in third person and liked it so much better that way. One major thing I wanted to improve on with the rewrite was character development which is pretty hard to achieve when writing in a limited POV of a character who eventually loses sight of much around them. I debated briefly on maybe doing alternating POVs between Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup, but then I felt like it would still exclude a lot for other major characters like Mojo and Princess. I could add them too but I thought alternating too many POVs would be overwhelmingly difficult (for me as the author for sure but I imagine for the reader too) Third person seemed to be the best way to handle everything and really my only challenge with that was tweaking the whole "unreliable narrator" trope which I will be honest is my favorite trope ever. It is a challenge to try to recreate the same effect in third person, but I decided that a close third person was the best way to 1) tell a broader story and 2) still set limits on the reader's perspective, and control when and how I drop information and attempt to recreate a similar experience in an entirely new way I've never tried before heh. (I guess I will spend more time on this on my notes for Chapter 6)

Second draft I scribbled out in another few days with this new approach. It began at the start of the carnival and ended where it ends. Simultaneously I was reworking my overall outline for the fic and began to narrow down all the characters I wanted to be my key players for this epic. Once my outline was expanded to include everyone, I added the scene with Mojo and Him. For me, that's when I was like "Ayyy it's all coming together 👍👍" haha.

Another thing I wanted to improve on was setting and world-building. So final draft I decided to include some "history" behind Townsville and that's when I worked out the final draft.

This chapter definitely had the most trial and error during the writing process than any other chapter other than 5 so far.

Inspirations:

Townsville world-building/history - much of it is inspired by the city I grew up in (for the most part) which is Los Angeles. I mean it has all the sort of settings we've seen in the show which are all pretty diverse right? Townville had to have a diverse cityscape ranging from a busy downtown setting to quite suburbs to upperclass mansions, beaches, an island, forests, etc. Well I knew LA had all that and so I tried to re-imagine Townsville as basically an alternate universe LA lol. Monster Isle, I based on research I did on Catalina Island. I imagined the Utonium household was in a middle class neighborhood like Pasadena- close to the heart of LA but still a relatively "calmer" part of the city. Morbucks Manor would be in the Hills like Beverly Hills. Downtown was the heart of the city like Downtown LA. I debated briefly whether or not to have the Gangreen Gang be from an area modeled after South Central or East LA, but eventually I went with East LA because TBH I am just more familiar with it since that's where my mom's side is from and where I grew up early on in life. PLUS East LA actually has a pretty big punk scene so that fit the story too with Ace being in a punk band and all that.

1998 PpG Show References:

"Oh my gosh they have giant Bunny-Bunny's at the prize tent!"

(Super Zeroes)

Pop Culture References:

(OK most of my pop culture refs are just punk references lets be honest lol. Why Punk?? - because it is rebellion and rebellion is the heart of this fic)

The Clash - OK in original Villain I established that this was Buttercup's favorite band so I HAD to have that back for the redux. Here's all the refs I crammed into chapter 1 lol:

"Oh, Man! It's so hard to choose, like, I love literally everything by them. But I gotta say it's a tie probably between their first album and London Calling."

"Hell yeah. Jimmy Jazz is my jam."

youtube

"You know, my band does a cover of White Riot," Ace continued to talk music with the teenager as he lit his cigarette and took a deep drag. He held the smoke in his lungs as he continued, "Only we call our version Green Riot."

youtube

Blondie:

The one artist Buttercup had introduced Robin to that she instantly obsessed over was Blondie.

(Some) Symbolism:

- Blossom is 5'9" and Buttercup is 5'8" - Buttercup is always falling one step behind Blossom.

- Bumper Car scene - has some foreshadowing and well...

Blossom sat behind the wheel of a red bumper car at the opposite end of the metal floored rink. Buttercup crossed her arms in protest, "No way. I'm driving." she demanded.

Blossom also crossed her arms from where she sat behind the metal wheel. "So you can just rampage and crash into everybody here? No way." She fastened her seat belt with a quick snap and placed her hands firmly on the steering wheel again.

"Ugh. That's the whole point of bumper cars! It's to bump the other cars! You're supposed to try and bump everyone before the times up!"

"You always take it too far, Buttercup. I'm driving, so get in." The redhead grasped the steering wheel in her hands firmly, and refused to move.

And...

"You drive like an old lady," Buttercup shook her head in disbelief as her sister managed to avoid yet another collision.

"Well, that's your opinion," she shrugged off the insult, "Personally, I think it takes just as much skill to avoid every single car in here, as it does to hit every single car," she smiled at her sister.

And finally a brief allusion to the OG Villain lol...

"Blossom!" Buttercup shouted louder so she could get her sister's attention. She pointed at the fast approaching purple car that zoomed towards them from their right side. Behind the wheel of that car was Bubbles who wore a rather determined look on her face as Robin cheered for her.

Blossom saw, but by then it was too late. Bubbles and Robin's car slammed into Buttercup and Blossom's car at full force, spinning Buttercup and Blossom's car into the wall of the arena. The loud buzz which signified the end of the ride then sounded.

- the roller coaster is Buttercup's ideal carnival attraction; it's got the thrills, twists, turns, ups and downs. And makes Bubbles sick.

- the Ferris Wheel is Blossom's ideal carnival attraction; it's a staple of any fair, grand and big, overlooks everything, and traditionally romantic

YNB's favorite scene:

Personally, I loved writing the whole exchange between Buttercup and Blossom in the car. Establishing their rivalry, Buttercup's jealousy over Blossom's special power and heroism, Blossom's projection of her own insecurities, their differences, and their commonality.

Final thoughts on the chapter:

I was pretty satisfied with how it turned out but I did wait to post it until I had a decent headstart on chapter 2. I was pretty nervous about whether or not I could stay personally committed to writing this fic so I just wanted to make sure I was really feeling it first, lol. It had been so long since I'd written fanfic so I just needed to be sure.

When I outlined everything I estimated the chapter length to be around 6-7k words... And I was surprised that it was double that at about 12k. Which was wild because on my outline each opening chapter for Part 1, 2 and 3 were supposed to be shorter and more like preludes to everything else. Well, I guess they ARE shorter chapters but STILL definitely longer than any chapter I used to write for my multichaptered stories. At the time I thought "Ok obviously my writing has changed but surely I wont go much longer than 12k for future chapters...." Hurr hurr.

Personally, I was pretty proud of myself for spending so much time on it and rewriting it over and over and all that. In the past, TBH whatever was my first draft was pretty much also my last draft haha. I cranked out a chapter in one sitting usually and edited it mayyyybeee lol. I just wanted to get it posted so I could move on and get to that next point in the story. But I suppose now that I'm older and a bit more self aware, I realize a lot of my own anxieties manifest a lot in my writing though and I can recognize it in my old works like the OG Villain where I JUST WANNA GET TO WHAT I WANT TO WRITE RIGHT NOW OK?? I forced myself to slow the hell down this time, take it one scene at a time, and when things felt off I took breaks, slept on it for a few days and came back with new approaches or ideas. And so far that's how I continue to work on it.

Also, CHVRCHES. I listened to a ton of that band while working on this chapter especially.

#villainr #ppg fanfic #yayninjabob #behindthescenes #writing process #chapter 1 #let me know if you guys like this kinda stuff and I'll continue for the other chapters #commentary #author stuff

2 notes · View notes

siyeonjisoo · 5 years

Text

I went to see Miyavi today and it was absolutely one of the hottest days I have intentionally spent outside without being at the beach or pool or something like that. I woke up at 6 and left my house by 7:15 so I could line up early. I only had GA so I wanted to make sure I was gonna have a good spot in the line but I also wanted to be up close with my friends who also usually camp out all day.

Got there at like...9-ish and was the actual fourth person in line. Among the folks who had GA tickets, I was actually second cuz half were VIP and half were GA. This was the first time Miyavi had performed in NYC but not at Irving Plaza or at a special event somewhere else so I was joking around that maybe the rest of the line was actually there by mistake lol.

Another 2 people showed up over the next 3 hours before Miyavi got to the venue. So he got out of the van and he came over. Almost didn't stop to greet all of us individually. Like we were right next to the door and he looked like he was gonna say hi while walking in but then he recognized at least 2 of the people in the line and thought better of it. Shook everyones hand and had something slightly different to say to each of us before heading inside. All in the spirit of thanking us for being here or asking if we were ready to rock and what not. Like 10 minutes later, the next few folks joined the line and we were screaming over him coming by still and they were so upset they missed him.

I spent the rest of my day just chatting and catching up with my friends that I really only end up seeing like once a year at Miyavi shows and seriously hate it. I need to see y'all more often! I honestly almost cried on the train ride home thinking about how I'm gonna miss y'all. </3

The girl who got in line directly behind me ended up being one of the most amazing human beings I could have met that day. Her friend bailed on her after she had bought two VIP tickets so she had an extra one. WHICH SHE GAVE TO ME. So I got to go inside and have the meet and greet experience before the show! I kind of was so much in shock that I didn't really tell him much of anything other than thanking him and telling him I look forward to rocking with him. We were told by security that we weren't allowed to touch him but he extended his hand before I could even say hi. And he like put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me flush against his side for the pictures. I had ZERO space between me and him in that picture and it was done by him, not me creeping on his personal space. lol.

It wasn't until this afternoon that the full weight of HAVING MET HIM AND BEING ABLE TO SPEAK TO HIM FOR LIKE A FULL MINUTE is a THING THAT HAPPENED crashed on me and I just started crying while sitting on my couch. I just remember the first time I saw him and it was just overwhelming to be in the same room as him with hundreds of other fans. This time, it was literally me, Miyavi, two photographers, and maybe a manager and security staff somewhere behind the lights that I couldn't see. I couldn't quite get out the words I wanted to. I couldn't get up the nerve to thank him for giving me something to pull myself out of my depression when I was a teenager. I couldn't get up the nerve to tell him he is going to be the inspiration for my next tattoo that is going to be a companion to my the GazettE tattoo. So I'm a little bit bummed at myself for that but I still got the pictures and the as-close-to one-on-one time I will ever get with him unless I run into him on his free time and I am thankful for that and will choose to focus on that instead.

Leave the m&g and walked in a daze up to the barricade where my friends are waiting. looked at the pictures and they both turned out surprisingly good. I went to check out getting merch but the line for that was WAY too long and there was only one person behind the table selling stuff so I gave up when I saw the people I recognized to be the front of the GA line coming in. I knew it meant I might have trouble getting back to my friends who were saving my place at the barricade and I don't need to be buying merch, I'm okay without it.

Stood around chatting with folks and making even more new friends for the next 2 hours but it seemed to FLY by. Almost. When the show started I expected to get crushed against the barricade but I didn't. I actually had a few inches to move on all sides around me so I was able to keep my feet from growing numb like usual. I had stashed my bag in a friends hotel room nearby so I didn't have to worry about stepping on that or anything and my phone was secured in another friend's bag so I was completely free to enjoy as much as I wanted.

And enjoy I did. I was positioned on the drum side of center but still 3 people off of the dead center. I was on the barricade. I screamed and cheered and sung my heart out. I headbanged when I could. I have the bruises on the back of my upper arms to prove I was on the barricade and resting my arms on it throughout. Miyavi kept teasing us with his sexiness that somehow only gets stronger the more times I see him. I can't explain it.

We taught him some English slang, you're the sauce. He was so confused "s.a.u.c.e. sauce?" Spelling it out. Asking DJ johnny. Said he would Google it later since he still didnt fully trust us to be honest with the meaning we gave him lol. Someone in the crowd shouted about wanting pizza and Takamasa Lee Ishihara replied "pizza? no, I prefer Whole Foods" and I almost peed myself from laughter.

He also is so sexy I actually went weak at the knees when he did some shit.

In the chats I had with my friends before, I convinced them to help me get Bobo (the drummer)'s attention. So when he came out we all screamed like crazy for him instead of Miyavi. And we were right in front of his drum set so they knew we were there. Every time it was quiet enough after songs, I started a Bobo-call. First two times it happened Bobo sat there with zero emotion on his face, staring at the wall across from him. Miyavi was watching it unfold with amusement and would say something to Bobo but not into his microphone so no clue what it was but he would say something and then laugh. I had kinda given up hope that I would get properly acknowledged until the very end of the show. After they all bowed after encore, I kept calling him instead of Myv and giving him hearts and he noticed and looked so cute and embarrassed and like nodded/hands together bowed at me. He is just the most precious.

My friend got a copy of the setlist so that's attached here. This man is a fucking beast and I love him so much.