#looks so in love w merlin in that scene

[poguestarkey]

not in the same way- t.n.

back after a quick 8 month hiatus my b

decided to write a little blurb about reader not being in love with theo since i feel like it's always the other way around.

yes i am eating up the tiktok ideas of him being italian don't start w me

warnings: just angst on angst, destruction of a friendship, theo being sad (that's a trigger in and of itself tbh), sickly sweet adorable girlhood moment btwn the GryffGirlies, like one potty word, i plucked that one scene right out of TSITP don't come for me, horrifyingly unedited cuz i just dont care

theo nott x gryffindor!reader

-----

Dread.

That's all that washes over you when you finally meet his eyes. It runs ice-cold through your veins and you can practically hear what he's going to say before it even leaves his mouth. You're sure he can see the way your head shakes slowly as you realize because he reaches for your hand and holds it tightly between his. Not out of comfort, but as a plead.

Please, please don't do what I think you're going to.

Theo... oh, sweet Theo. Theo, with his huge blue eyes and endlessly large heart. Theo, always the first to celebrate the small wins with you. Theo, who in theory, should be the perfect man for you.

But Theo, who no matter how hard you tried, never made your heart sing the way your friends giggled about.

You never thought twice about the way his hands would linger over yours as he explained Arithmancy problems or how he always pulled you close in by the shoulder while chatting with his Slytherin friends, his fingers mindlessly tracing patterns into your sweater. His sweater. You've been friends since third-year, best friends. So many years of being close to him desensitized you to the constant comments of "That's Nott's girl," and "Would you look at the lovebirds!" They never hit home and you always scoffed them off with ease.

With ease, until last weekend in your dorm after an open-mic night at the Three Broomsticks. You and Theo had performed the most atrocious duet rendition of the new Weird Sisters song, "Why Can't You See."

"Y/N, do you even see the way he looks at you?" Parvati asked. Your head shoots up this.

"What?"

"C'mon, Y/N/N. The man is absolutely smitten with you. It's almost painful to watch, really," Lavender piped in, causing Hermione and Padma to sit up and join the conversation. Eyes widening, you realize who they're talking about.

"Theo? No... No, Theo and I are just-" You're cut off.

"Just friends. We've heard. A million times," Hermione sighs. "I mean Merlin's beard Y/N, you have to have noticed by now. Nott can't keep his hands off of you."

"'Mione, that's not- no, that's different. He just likes physical touch and that's fine-" You're cut off yet again by a slurry of teenage girls throwing evidence at you.

"-ever touch Malfoy-"

"-actually lights up when you enter a room, I've never-"

"-bigger heart eyes for you if they were cartooned on him in the Prophet-"

Your hands grow shaky and your breath becomes heavy in your lungs as the weight of what this means washes over you. Hot tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you fight the burn in the back of your sinuses with everything you have.

"Wait!" Hermione nearly shouts, and the cacophony of squeals and stories comes to a halt. "Y/N? Why are you crying? Are you alright?"

Her words make the first sob break out of your chest, and your hand shoots to your mouth to try and stifle the sound. Padma, ever the lover, is immediately at your side.

"I- I- I can't... I don't lo- if he really feels that way, it will destroy us," you cry, leaning further into her touch. Quickly, and with increasing amount of concern written on their features, the rest of the girls surround you.

"What do you mean, love?" you can't see her, but you know it's Lavender's breathy voice. "Isn't this a good thing?"

"No, no, no, no-" Your breath begins to hitch again, and 'Mione rubs gentle circles on your back. "Lav, him being in love with me is the worst thing that could happen."

"I don't mean to be insensitive, but the rest of us are quite out of the loop here and, er, well- why?" You let out a chuckle at Parvati's bluntness, but still felt the squeeze of the answer in your heart. You've known, deep down. You denied it as hard as you could manage but still, it creeped up on you, terrorizing your thoughts.

"He will never forgive me. I know he'll try so hard, but it'll never be the same, because he will never forgive me for not loving him the same way. Because he's done everything right. He is kind, and patient, and loving, and all of the wonderful things I've always said that I wanted but still, I just don't love him like that. And I want to- fuck, I want to so bad. It kills me that I can't. But he can never know that I know, because he will never, ever forgive me when I can't say it back." The last few words come out nearly inaudible as gasping sobs take over your body. "And I am so afraid to lose my best friend."

A squeeze from Hermione saves you from your thoughts. No one knows what to say, and Padma pulls your pillow and quilt from underneath you before grabbing her own, forming a pile on the floor. The corners of your lips perk up as you realize what she's doing, and soon the room is filled again with the sounds of girlish giggles and gossip and your four closest girlfriends do their best to keep your chin up for you.

The rest of the week, you can hardly look Theo in the eyes. You're not trying to avoid him, but every time you're in the same room you feel so overcome with guilt that it's hard to breathe.

On Sunday, you skip breakfast and hole away in the library under a stack of potions textbooks, shooing him away with a curt "Sorry, Teddy. Too busy."

Monday, you sit at Gryffindor's table for every meal and only speak in DADA to tell him it's his turn to practice defensive spells.

It's Tuesday night when you get the owl.

Y/N/N,

please talk to me. i need to see you, i'm worried. you're not alright.

i miss you.

-T

You write him back on the same piece of parchment, your shaking hands causing ink to splatter into tiny dots across his script.

I know. I'm sorry. Friday night.

Wednesday and Thursday are a blur of forced smiles to him and the burn of his stare from across the Charms classroom.

Friday comes, and you're damn near ready to pull Mrs. Norris' tail just to get a detention.

You know the exact bench in the courtyard he'll be sat at, and you count your paces as you walk. His eyes catch you and he swings his feet off the ledge, shutting his book.

"Y/N," He breathes, the sweetest smile on his face. "What's going on, cara mia?"

Every strategy you had for keeping him away from the elephant in the room goes flying out of your head faster than a Firebolt.

"It's nothing, really. Please don't worry. I know I've been distant but it's really nothing to be concerned about so-" your voice is getting louder and faster, a tell-tale sign that you're not telling the truth.

He cuts you off with your name.

"Y/N." You're eternally thankful that it's late enough that no one is outside with you. "Tell me what's happened. Please." His eyes grow even larger with pure concern and he moves his hand to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. You pull your lip between your teeth while thinking about how to respond.

"I just... Teddy, I can't tell you. I just can't. I promise it's alright, I just don't want to talk about it." You're lying through your teeth and you're sure he knows it too.

"Alright," he whispers, voice dropping. His hand hasn't moved from the side of your face since he fixed your hair, and his eyes move to scan the slope of your lips. You can feel the pit in your stomach start to form as you fear what's coming next. "You are the most beautiful thing on this planet, you know that?"

His thumb is tracing the plane of your cheek.

"Theodore..." He smiles at his full name, and his eyes start to close.

No.

No.

This is what you feared so much.

That you would lose everything over one moment, just like this.

He can't be more than a breath from your mouth when both of your palms find his firm chest and push him away.

"Wait- wait, Theo. No. I don't- I'm sorry, but I-" His eyes snap open, that beautiful blue full of confusion. "I'm sorry, Theo." You can already feel hot tears threatening to spill over, and your stomach is churning.

"I.... What?" He says it so quietly you aren't even sure he meant to say it aloud. His hands move from your face, now salty and wet, to run through his hair, tugging on the strands.

"That's what I've been off about. I've been scared that you're gonna..." You gesture wildly between the two of you, not sure what to call it.

"Kiss you?"

"Yes."

"Why would you be scared of me kissing you, Y/N?" He looks genuinely, honestly puzzled.

"Because... because I don't... I didn't know, and then this weekend the girls were all on about it and I had no idea what they were talking about, and they told me, and I just panicked, Theo. I had no idea." He's stood up now, and you're seconds behind him, standing still in the chilly air as he paces and presses his hands into his eyes. "If I'd known sooner, Teddy... I would've- I could've done something, I don't know, could've tried-"

He stops, now just in front of you. "If you knew?"

"If I knew that you felt that way-"

"I thought you knew!" The crack of his voice splits your chest in two, unaided by the tears beading in his eyes. You've never seen him cry. "I thought you knew! From the moment I crashed your cabin on the train, I thought you knew."

The two of you just stand there, staring at each other, as cold, biting raindrops start to fall from the sky. You fight to form words but absolutely comes to your brain and you can't do anything but stare at him as he continues.

He hasn't even opened his mouth to start the next sentence when you realize what you're going to hear. You can't tell if it's the rain or the pure dread coursing through your veins that's turning your fingers ice-cold as you shake your head "no" to something he hasn't even said yet.

"I've been in love with you since I was 13, Y/N/N." He's holding onto your hand with both of his like it's his only lifeline while he desperately spills words. "I am so in love with you. You turn my world. You are my absolute everything. It consumes me. I can't hold it anymore, Y/N," He cries. Your eyes are squeezed shut and it's a wonder you haven't broken his hand with how tightly you're holding it between you. "Please, please, please say something."

"I love you," He sucks in a breath and you open your eyes to meet his. "I love you so much, Teddy. More than anything." His hands are now on either side of your face, and your fingers are laced around his wrists. "But I'm not in love with you," You choke out, grip relaxing.

His forehead presses against yours and he does nothing to quiet to sobs racking his body as you pull him against you, wrapping your arms around his warm frame.

You whisper dozens of apologies and "I wish I dids" into his ear before he releases you and sits back on the bench, moving the thoroughly soaked book to the side so you can join him. His head is in his hands and his elbows rest on his knees, and you think that you've never seen him look so defeated.

Finally, you tear your eyes away from him and stare straight ahead at the ivy covered walls, praying that the silence swallows you whole.

It's practically deafening, actually, because the sound of his heart breaking is echoing across the stone.

Eventually, you speak up.

"I think... I think I should probably go, right?"

He picks his head up but doesn't look at you as he replies:

"Yeah, I think that's for the best."

#theo nott #theo nott angst #theodore nott #theodore nott x reader #theo nott x reader #slytherin #harry potter #theo #nott #theo nott imagine #theo nott blurb #theo nott sad

[mediocre-daydreams]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞?

james potter x reader

summary: when lily berates james for bullying snape by the black lake, you call her out on her hypocrisy, forcing james to confront how he feels about both of you.

w/c: 5.3k

notes: friends to lovers, mutual pining and mutual idiocy, angst with a happy ending bc im such a sap for it, canon-level "violence," lily's kinda villainized here but lowkey i think there's some truth to it, uhhh swearing. overly detailed retelling of the actual OotP scene bc i pulled out my book for this

(also i realized after i finished writing that this has "you belong with me" energy)

you’d just finished one of your o.w.l.s, and to celebrate, you, sirius, and peter were deep into an intense shit-talking session that remus pretended not to be listening in from where he sat hunched over a book. james was fluffing his hair in case he ran into lily.

“it’s a bit creepy, really,” peter whispered, throwing a genuinely concerned look at james over his shoulder. 

“the fact that he’s been practically brainwashed or the fact that he’s literally stalking her every move?” sirius shook his head in disbelief.

“the first one,” you jeered. “both. i don’t know, and i don’t care. all i know is that lily’s incorrigible and that james is out of his mind. even if she liked him back, which she doesn’t, james shouldn’t be with someone like her anyway.”

sirius raised his eyebrows at you, but peter was the one to voice what the two boys were thinking. “how much of this is you caring about prongs’ wellbeing and how much of this is you hating lily evans because you’re clearly in love with him?”

you scoffed, leaning in so you could hiss loudly at peter without being overheard. “first of all, i am not in love with james. he’s an important friend of mine; am i not allowed to care about him? secondly, i don’t hate lily evans. i just think everyone gives her too much credit. nobody holds her accountable for anything because she’s so perfect and pretty and polite and it makes me so frustrated-”

james wrapped his arms around your neck and placed his chin on the crown of your head. “what are we gossiping about over here, ladies?”

you shrugged him off your shoulders, flustered at how close he’d been to hearing your conversation. sirius gave you The Look™ and you rolled your eyes.

“what’s got you all worked up, huh?” james crouched by your chair, respecting your desire not to be touched but still wanting to be close to you. “is it snivellus again? merlin, that wanker has something against you, i swear.” james paused thoughtfully. “well, s’ppose it’s cos you hang out with us. he hates all of us.”

“nah, i think he’s got a separate qualm about me,” you muttered bitterly, knowing full well that he’d still harbored a distaste for you ever since you and lily had butted heads in third year. this was the second year he’d maintained the grudge.

“he doesn’t matter anyways,” peter reassured you, patting your knee gently. you looked up at him and smiled. peter was a sweet boy. you’d always appreciated his willingness to listen to you.

“right lads, i think it’s time to head out then.” james pushed himself upright with his hands on his thighs, brushing invisible dust off his jumper. he looked at you, voice softening. “y’coming?”

you bit back a smile, taking his extended hand and trying to ignore the butterflies that felt more like pangs and less like flutters these days. as much as you’d tried, you couldn’t push away those pesky feelings for your best friend. it was worse knowing that he was hopelessly in love with another girl.

sirius pulled remus from his cushy armchair, and the two of them murmured quietly to each other before sirius pointed at you and james’ intertwined hands and remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. you caught them staring and flipped them off.

“woah, what was that for?” james chuckled, pulling you closer to his chest as you stepped out the portrait frame. you shivered at the momentary press of your body against his.

“pads and moony. they’re being stupid,” you explained vaguely. how were you supposed to tell james that they were mocking you for your unrequited affections?

it was sunny and cloudless out, with a ticklish breeze that would pass through every once in a while and send goosebumps up your arms. when you passed the courtyard on your way out the castle, you couldn’t help but tear yourself out of james’ arms and grab a handful of leaves to attack him with. he didn’t bother gathering a leaf pile of his own; rather, tackled you into the grass and ran his fingers up and down your torso until you conceded in painful bouts of laughter.

sirius and james had run ahead, with peter just a couple steps behind, as the five of you approached the black lake. you and remus were walking leisurely, enjoying the silence that was rare when being amongst the mauaruders. 

“so, you and james?” remus broke the silence with an oddly formal question.

you choked. “me and- you and sirius?” you fired back, desperately trying to avoid talking about how you’d perpetually be friend zoned by james potter and then have to watch as he swept away the love of his life and your semi-nemesis, lily evans.

“touché.”

leaves crunched under your feet as you and remus caught up to your three friends, who were entertaining themselves with leaves and sitting in the roots of a sturdy beech tree. to anyone else, it might’ve looked childish, but you found it endearing.

james had found a seat between two large roots and was sitting comfortably with his back against the trunk. you slid down beside him until your knees bumped. it was mindless moments of intimacy like this one, where you’d touch each other like it meant nothing, that made you get your hopes up. you cursed yourself for caving into james’ magnetic presence.

“so, how d’you reckon your exam went?” james sighed, letting himself slump against the tree carelessly. 

“oh godric, why would you bring that up?” you groaned, taking the opportunity to place your cheek on the top of james’ mop of curls, as he was so slouched that his head was below your chin.

james chuckled. “i jus’ know you’re smart, figured it would’ve gone easier for you than me.”

you poked his arm teasingly. “you’re ridiculous. james potter, admitting that somebody was better than him?”

“oi, i never said you were better than me, you’re just smart, that’s all.” he pushed himself up to shove his face closer to yours confrontationally. 

“did you like question ten, moony?” sirius snickered as he juggled an apple that he’d managed to sneak out without anybody knowing.

“oh, i loved it. give five signs that identify a werewolf,” he pitched his voice up in a poor imitation.

“d’you think you managed to get all the signs?” james asked, feigning concern. from beside him, you laughed quietly. a small smile flickered on james’ face at the sound of your happiness, and his fingers crawled over to your hand until his palm was covering the back of yours.

remus snorted. “think so. one: he’s sitting in my chair. two: he’s wearing my clothes. three: his name rhymes with lemus rupin…”

james and sirius laughed loudly, whereas you and lupin exchanged knowing smiles and peter didn’t show amusement whatsoever.

much like sirius, james had managed to sneak something out of the castle too. only, it wasn’t an apple, it was a snitch.

“hey, where’d you get that?” you watched james in wonder as he fiddled with the snitch like a simple toy, letting it fly a foot or so away and then snatching it back with ease. your eyes trailed over his long fingers, his knuckles that had pinkened from the chill, and the veins that ran up his forearm so tauntingly…

“nicked it,” he said offhandedly, pretending he wasn’t reveling in the attention you gave him. he’d steal a hundred more stitches and take all the detentions if it meant you’d look at him like that—with reverence, not the platonic indifference you gave all your mates.

remus, unbothered with his nose back in his book, was resting his head very close to sirius’ lap. sirius shook his head, amused by his best friend’s antics. “put that away, would’ja?”

james sighed dramatically, but pocketed the snitch. he turned and dipped his head down to get a good look at you, eyes flickering between your own curiously. your heart pounded.

“hey, prongs! look who it is.” sirius wore a no good smirk on his face.

“snivellus…” james sneered. you thought that maybe he’d drop your hand and saunter over, excited as always to make a show of their rivalry, but instead, he intertwined your fingers between his and squeezed your hand twice.

“you alright, snivellus?” james shouted. you looked at peter; the two of you knew exactly where this was going and didn’t care much for it.

snape was quick to dig through his robes for his wand, but james was faster, having already withdrawn his own. “expelliarmus!”

you squeezed james’ hand in return, a warning to not push things too far this time. everybody was exhausted from exams. you (and remus) were in no mood to de-escalate a hoard of bickering teenage boys.

“impedimenta!” james commanded, much to sirius and a growing crowd of students’ delight. you continued to hold his hand but turned your head from his to engage in a silent conversation with peter.

“how was the exam, snivelly?” james yelled.

“i was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” sirius said viciously. “there’ll be grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”

you pinched your lips together to hold back a small smile. you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t somewhat enjoy watching snape be put in his place.

“what was it you were saying earlier?” james made a big show of tapping his chin like he was pondering something great. “ah, i remember! that you’d score higher than our lovely girl here? pretty bird’s quite clever, y’know.”

at james’ words, you remembered what snape had said to you a few hours before the exam. you muggle, he’d spat at you like it was the worst insult he could muster up. always in my shadow, always a couple marks behind me. i don’t know why you bother showing up to exams, much less class. you’re hardly a witch. you’re hardly worth something.

you’d tried not to let it throw you off. you and snape had always been academic rivals, his distaste for you heightened by your blood status, and the animosity between the two of you had only grown once you’d found yourself on lily’s bad side. but you hadn’t been expecting something so hostile from him; at least, not before your o.w.l.s. you’d gone and told james immediately, who comforted you.

you fumed, poking your head from behind james’ body. “it’s quite cowardly, you know, that your biggest worry is being outscored by a muggle-born girl. i can’t tell which is more pathetic, the fact that you’re so freakishly obsessed with my parents or that you’re a misogynistic pig.”

the crowd that’d gathered around your friends and snape’s struggling figure chortled, and you perked up, your ego stoked.

snape glared at you with such hostility that your face pinched in a combination of confusion and disgust. he blindly felt for his wand as he sprung curses and threats upon the five of you.

james sighed theatrically. “didn’t mummy teach you manners? wash out your mouth,” he said coldly. “scourgify!”

thick, pink bubbles of soap spilled from snape’s mouth, collecting up his nostrils until he couldn’t breathe and began to choke…

“leave him ALONE!” lily appeared by snape’s side in an instant, crouching by his body.

“gd’afternoon, evans.” james’ voice darkened in richness, suddenly suave instead of piercing.

“leave him alone,” lily glared. “what’s he ever done to you?”

you opened your mouth to speak, but james held you back with a strong arm. “well, it’s more the fact that he exists, if y’know what i mean.”

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you? but all you are is an arrogant, bullying toerag. leave him alone, or i swear…”

“i’ll leave him alone if you go out with me, evans. go out with me, and i won’t lay a wand on old snivelly again.” james’ voice softened to the tone he only reserved for you, and though it was your hand he was holding, and your body he was leaning into, your heart began tearing itself into dejected, limp strings.

“i wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” lily retorted.

you were right there. you were literally right there, hopelessly in love with your best friend, who was pining after a girl who didn’t love him—or, maybe she did—when you were right there.

you were torn from your thoughts as james yelped in pain, looking down at his robes to find specks of blood splattered across his shirt. you gasped, scrambling upright to examine the cut on his cheek.

james was already pointing his wand at snape in retaliation. with a flash of light, snape was dangling by his ankle midair, his robes falling down to hang by his face as his pale legs and graying underwear were exposed. 

lily snapped. “PUT HIM DOWN!”

the crowd that had formed did not share lily’s outrage. with another flick of his wand, james released snape from his dangling position and left him petrified on the grass. “petrificus totalus!”

lily, realizing james would never let up at this rate, came storming over to the five of you. you jumped to your feet, eyes blazing with the same fury.

“you leave him alone,” she hissed spitefully.

your nose wrinkled in distaste. “and what do you want, evans? why is it that you’re always running to save your pitiful excuse of a boyfriend? he’s a fucking blood supremacist, you oblivious idiot. y’know, you are who you associate with. you wouldn’t be the first muggle born to take you-know-who’s ideology.”

lily seethed, james’ presence long gone as she turned her attention towards you. “what are you saying? are you saying i’d associate with the likes of death eaters? do you really think i’m that stupid, that i’d turn against my own identity? if anything, you’re the daft one.”

“you know what? you and snivellus can go fuck off-”

lily raised her wand menacingly, not touching it to your body but holding it at an angle pointing towards you, close enough that she could easily poke you with it at any moment. “you’re just as bad as james, y’know? a slimy, sorry excuse for a witch, picking on people to make you less ins-”

james jumped to his feet, pushing the both of you apart with a hand on each of your shoulders. sirius was on his feet as well, arms crossed and ready to intervene. the gaggle of onlookers was murmuring amongst themselves. the students of hogwarts were used to james and snape’s fights and james and lily’s arguments, but never had they witnessed the two of you throwing such scathing words at each other.

james had to admit, you did have a point.

“you’re such a hypocrite, evans,” you sneered. “you’ll look the other way while snape and his death eater buddies prey on first-year muggle borns, but explode at james and the rest of us for harmless pranks. it’s only a matter of time until snape targets you next, and i bet you’ll be all upset then, won’t you? because nobody else’s suffering matters until it affects sad, sensitive, spoiled lily evans.” you all but spat at her feet, hurling cruelties at the girl remorselessly.

“i’m a better person than you’ll ever be. severus has never done anything to you, and he’s my friend, and you need to lay off him. excuse me if i care about my friends; sorry i just want to help-”\

“i don’t need help from filthy mudbloods like her!”

you and lily froze at snape’s defiling slur. lily didn’t turn to look at snape, nor did she move, but you could see the way that she’d stopped blinking and the moisture that began to collect at the corner of her eyes. you disliked, maybe hated, lily evans, but you hated snape more.

“evans, i’m sorry, i-”

she cut you off with a haughty upturn of her chin. “i don’t want your apologies.” she turned on her heel and made towards the castle.

it was only then that james dropped your hand to chase after the redhead, his hands outstretched in the same way he’d been toying with the snitch earlier, and you stared at remus, sirius, and peter with your mouth parted in post-adrenaline shock.

you collapsed to the ground, rubbing your forehead with your hand, dizzy from the intensity of the unexpected confrontation. sirius came around to take you in his arms, pulling you into his chest and rubbing your back in firm circles. the pressure calmed you.

he cooed into your ear, whispering reassurances and sweet things until you finally relaxed in his arms, letting a few quiet tears slip down your cheek. you buried your face further into your robes to hide them. if sirius felt anything, he didn’t acknowledge it.

once lily had made it up the castle stairs and threatened to hex james, the boy backed down and came jogging back to his friends. the crowd of students who’d been enthused onlookers just a few moments ago didn’t spare any of you a second glance, not caring about your wellbeing as much as they did their entertainment.

as he rounded the hill, he saw you tucked tightly against sirius’ body, whose lips were brushing over your ears in an almost loving manner. a non-platonic loving, that is. his stomach twisted. he wasn’t normally affected by lily’s rejections or snape’s dramatics, but the combined stress of the exam must’ve made him nauseous.

his eyes flickered between his friends, spread out in various locations around the beech tree. he silently asked them what had happened with a raise of his eyebrows, but peter only shrugged and lupin shook his head. when sirius caught on, he merely glared at james in the same way lily and snape had just a couple moments ago.

you didn’t even raise your head to acknowledge his presence; if anything, you burrowed yourself further into sirius’ embrace with a quiet sniffle. sirius pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead before beginning to rocking you back and forth placatingly.

james’ hands were clenched into fists. his knuckles, which had been red from the cold breeze, had turned white. his hands, which had been steady when he pointed his wand to snape, were now trembling.

“y’alright, prongs? looks like you’re gonna punch something,” remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“y-yeah. i’m fine. just, angry at snape. for… upsetting evans, that is.” lily evans could not care less about james. even as she mourned the betrayal and loss of her friend, she’d rather be alone than allow herself to be comforted by james. if he were being honest, it stung. it hurt quite a bit.

evans. you cursed. it’s always about evans. lily fucking evans. you had tried to like her, you really had. but sirius was right. you did hate her, and it wasn’t just because she was prissy and self-absorbed. it was also because you were madly in love with james, and always had been.

you tilted your head up, leaving the safety of sirius’ chest to meet his eye. your faces were close; his breath tickled your nose and you laughed breathlessly.

the look in your eyes told sirius everything he needed to know. you were in love with james potter. you were in love with james potter. it was freeing and excruciating to admit to yourself.

james cleared his throat awkwardly, and you untangled yourself from sirius, embarrassed at the unplanned moment of intimacy. both of you knew it was platonic; both of you were aware of the subject of the other person’s affection. james was an airhead. james knew none of that.

“s-so, you and sirius, huh?” he laughed shrilly, and remus looked at his oblivious friend disdainfully. even peter squinted his eyes at james in disbelief.

you stared at james, appalled, but were only able to keep a straight face for so long before catching sirius’ eyes and bursting into racocious, howling laughter.

“us? oh god, please, never-” you screeched.

“for the love of merlin- i’d rather hug my mother!” sirius cackled.

“pads is like, my annoying cousin at a family reunion.”

“nah, you’re like my bratty younger sister.”

you looked at sirius with faux offense. “younger? i’m obviously the more experienced, favorite oldest child.”

peter snorted when he saw james’ horrified-jealous face morph into a horrified-bewildered expression. james pulled his glasses from his face and wiped them haphazardly on the hem of his shirt before putting them back on, like it would help him understand more clearly. 

“what are you on, prongs? has evans finally gotten to you? have you actually turned into a brainless toerag?” sirius probed, eyes flashing not only to see what james’ reaction to lily’s showdown was, but also to gauge if he reciprocated your feelings.

“i’ve always been a bit brainless, haven’t i?” james muttered to himself as he sat on the grass in a dazed state. “i’ve got to get my eyes checked again. i’m fucking blind. oh my god, i’m such a fool,” he blabbed like he was reciting a mantra.

“you are definitely blind,” remus agreed.

“and we’ve all known you’re a fool,” sirius chimed.

you stayed silent, curling your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around yourself like a protective bubble. you wished you knew how to apparate—not that it’d matter, because it wouldn’t have worked on hogwarts grounds anyway—so that you could escape whatever this was. you didn’t think you could handle another one of james’ pity parties, which he threw every time he fucked up in front of lily. lily, lily, lily.

you looked up at the leaves of the beech tree, which rustled back to you, almost like a voice saying, “you lonely sucker. your schoolgirl crush isn’t cute anymore, it’s just sad.” fuck the beech tree leaves, and fuck the breeze that was making them shake. making you shake.

a soft, wooly jumper fell atop your head, covering your eyes. you waved your hands around, trying to capture the culprit. pulling the thick knit from your head, you saw james standing sheepishly behind you with a thin tee shirt. he’d taken off his lovely blue jumper for you.

“thank you, jamie,” you croaked, voice betraying you of the emotions you were trying so desperately to hide. you chastised yourself for your poor acting.

“it’s no problem,” james said, crouching and bouncing on his haunces to reach your level, where he pulled you closer to his body with an arm around your shoulder.

“won’t you be cold?” you held your hand up to his cheek, which was beginning to turn pink. “you’re all rosy.”

james gulped. “uh, i’m not cold. i just… that’s just how my skin is, i guess. what’s it called, rosacea?”

in his peripheral, james saw remus muttering a big “yeah right,” to sirius.

“i’m being dumb.” james lifted your chin with two of his fingers pressed against the front of your jawline. “i haven’t even asked if you’re okay. i was the one who started it, but you were the one who got hurt. i’m sorry.”

you smiled sadly at james, knowing you could never be upset with him. he could be in love with somebody else and crush your heart into dust, and you still couldn’t be upset with him.

“‘m alright, thanks,” you lied. 

james frowned; he was always able to see right through you. “you don’t have to lie to me, pretty girl. don’t… feel bad. if you’re mad at me, that’s okay. i kind of deserve it.”

you huffed, feeling your heart tug at itself again. moving your head from james’ grasp and fixing your gaze to a patch of yellowing grass, you grumbled. “don’t call me that.”

“what? pretty girl? it’s true, innit?” you could hear the teasing in his voice that he was using to try and cover up his worry.

“‘s not true. not really. not like that.” you sucked air through your teeth, frustrated at how oblivious you’d been, and how oblivious james was being, and how much more intuitive the rest of your friends had been the whole time.

“what d’you mean, not true? love, don’t tell me you think-”

“stop, jamie, just stop,” you hissed, leaping to your feet and scrambling away from him like he was some type of poisonous viper. “you aren’t allowed to call me those things, not when it’s meant for evans. you don’t get to use me as some sort of replacement just because she won’t have you. it’s cruel, jamie, to pretend i’m her—haven’t you ever thought about what that’s like for me? you’re killing me, ‘cause now i’m truly deluded into thinking you’d actually see me that way when in reality, you’re just picturing lily’s face on mine.” you took a withering, shaky breath. “fuck, james, that’s selfish. that’s just mean.”

james’ face had contorted into one sputtering disaster as he tried to piece together the words that had just spouted out of your mouth, which admittedly, were not very eloquent seeing as you hadn’t been planning on pouring your heart out today.

remus groaned in exasperation, sick of his dumb, emotionally incompetent friends.

“please don’t pull an evans and walk away from me,” james pleaded, looking back at his friends for backup. they looked back at him, unimpressed.

“well? d’you have something to say or not, or may i be excused?” you clenched your jaw, sneering at the boy you loved as if you didn’t.

james hesitated, but he must’ve taken too long, because you scoffed and turned away from him, hair blowing wildly in the wind. you were still wearing his jumper. you tugged at the sleeves, annoyed at how his presence seemed to follow you wherever you went, but rather than anger, little tears beaded at your eyes.

you wiped them away with your sleeve, furious at yourself. you could hear james behind you, begging you to slow down, but you didn’t. it was pointless; he would’ve caught up regardless, with those long legs of his.

“please, wait, just-” james panted, bent over with his hands on his thighs as he caught his breath. you raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“whatever you’re about to say, save it, unless it’s a grandiose apology that ends in you groveling at my feet,” you sniffed.

james dropped to his knees. “okay, okay, i can do groveling. please, as long as you hear me out, ‘cos i was wrong earlier, when we were sitting at the tree. i said you weren’t smarter than me, but godric, you are leagues beyond me, and the fact that i thought the opposite is a testament to my stupidity, i suppose…”

“are you here to be self-deprecating, or…?”

he covered his face with his hands. “no, i’m sorry. shit, okay. i’m a bit everywhere- uh, frazzled, at the moment.”

you frowned. it was a bit awkward to be towering over james as he was practically kissing your feet; despite how angry you were with him, you hated being the source of his humiliation and negative emotions.

you sat on the grass silently, shifting so you were beside him but at a reasonable distance, not looking in his direction or acknowledging him when he picked up his head and looked at you hopefully.

“look, i’ve been blind. literally and, uh, metaphorically. i’m like that, y’know? well, yeah, y’do know; you’re my best friend.” the both of you winced when he said that.

“see, but the thing is… i realize that we’re probably not really best friends. at least, i’m hoping we’re not. ‘cos i think i’d like for you not to be my best friend, but my- my best girl. ‘cos i think i’m in love with you.”

you finally turned to james, bottom lip tucked between your teeth unsurely. you squeezed your eyes shut. “what’s my name?”

“what?”

“what’s my name?” you insisted, a sinking feeling growing in your gut.

but it was like the weight of the day lifted off your shoulders, until you felt so lightweight you thought you might float away, when your name dripped from his lips like the golden wildflower honey his mom nurtured in his backyard.

“not lily evans?” you questioned, pushing the corners of your lips down to suppress the stupid smile that threatened to ruin your entire angry act.

“not evans, i swear.” james chuckled bitterly. “think i’ve said her name enough times to meet a yearly quota. i don’t want to say her name, i wanna say yours,” he mused, daring to chase your eyes for a connection.

“why’d you run after her, then?” you muttered, wanting more than anything to believe him, but held back by all the heartbreak that he’d inflicted.

“the other option was to hold you and kiss your forehead, maybe. perhaps your nose. whatever would make you smile. but then what would you think? you’d think i loved you, and maybe you’d be scared away, and i’d rather chase evans for the sake of continuity than lose you or your friendship.”

“when?” you whispered, allowing him to take your hand in his without complaint. “when’d you realize? ‘cause i’ve been in love with you since third year, and you’ve been after evans since second.”

“fourth year, actually.” james let out a heavy huff. “probably earlier, to be honest. we both know i’m not great with feelings ‘n stuff. but i guess i could only admit it to myself after i saw you threw your coffee at malfoy when he made that comment about some first year.”

“i don’t even remember that,” you admitted, a grin slipping out.

“yeah, well i do. after that, you told him off in front of all the slytherins and i swear avery was trembling. ‘n after, you talked to that first year so sweetly, and all i could think was ‘i wish she’d care about me that much.’” when james came out of his memory and saw you smiling, his face brightened as well.

“look, there’s my favorite smile!” he cupped your cheek in one hand, running the calloused pad of his thumb over your pulled-up lips with admiration. “you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”

“i know,” you giggled. “you only tell me every other day.”

“well, that’s just criminal! i ‘oughta tell you that every day.” james gasped exaggeratedly. his voice lowered to a low, gravelly purr. “wouldn’t want ‘ya to forget, now would we?” 

“what’s my name, jamie?”

he laughed quietly, mumbling your name and emphasizing each with a kiss on the cheek. “did i get the answer right?”

you hummed happily. “so you can have a reward.” your voice was small but james felt it travel through his body, the kind of reaction only you could draw from him. “you can kiss me, if you’d like.”

james held back a massive grin, knowing it’d be impossible to properly kiss you if he was all smiley. he held your shoulders so gently it might as well have been a caress, and when he licked his lips and let his eyes puddle into a sea of adoration, you knew that he’d take you up on your offer.

not before he tackled you to the ground though. pushing you backward with a surprised squeak, your back hit the grass as james propped himself up with his forearms on either side of your head. and then he kissed you; he kissed you hard. it was rough and fast and full of longing. james tasted like cinnamon gum and pumpkin juice. 

you broke away from him, maintaining the connection by pressing your forehead to his, and your lips were still brushing together as you finally, finally admitted it out loud. “i love you, james potter.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

maurauders masterlist | main masterlist

taglist:

@yourallihave @bambamwolf87 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @cowboibeepbeep

#james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter x reader #james potter fluff #james potter angst #james potter mutual pining #james potter x reader fluff #james potter x reader angst #james potter x you fluff #james potter x you angst #james potter friends to lovers #james potter angst with happy ending

[whatislife5]

Rewatching and ranting about s3:e4 of Merlin and it was such a funny beginning.

Starts out Merlin and Arthur walking into the tavern together for the first time, where no one knows who they are, and then go on to start a bar fight along side the first handsome stranger that walks up to them.

Then you get the homoerotic scenes throughout the episode. You have the Merlin and Gwaine scene where he wakes up half naked in his bed.

Also why haven’t I seen any Gwen+Gwaine cute friendship/bros flirting tropes in fics?? They’re little interaction is so cute. Gwaine really put effort into the flirting! Lol but towards the end where Gwen laughs at his attempts it seemed more like they were having playful banter than actually being serious. And Gwaine looks back at her with that happy look. They really remind me of when long time friends flirt w each other and then just laugh it off as a silly joke.

Then the bonding moment between Merlin and Gwaine where they share about their fathers and how they have similar experiences. 🥹 and talk about how Arthur is better than the other nobles and whether or not he’s worth dying for. Their trauma bonding over daddy issues is so cute.🥰

Arthur is so smooth with his gambling😭 “Make it 100😏🤷🏽” ugh I love him🫶🏽

Ugh Merlin is so beautiful this episode..

Gwaine being so protective of Merlin is so…🫦 and his accent when he’s calling out the thugs has kicking my feet.

Arthur is so into Gwaine lmfao bc they way he’s known him for less than a day and he’s already standing up against his father for him. Like the whole “he may not be a noble but he has a noble heart,” part is so.. ???? Like dude you’re crushing real bad rn..

Ugh I wanna keep going but I’m tired..

#merlin #arthur pendragon #im sorry #bbc merlin #gwaine #rewatch rant #emerys

[lesbicosmos]

bbc merlin liveblog - s1 ep1: the dragons call

god the nostalgia of the first sequence of merlin walking to camelot <33

poor merlin honestly, my guy went to camelot to try and better learn his magic and the first thing he sees is the king executing a sorcerer...rip

OMG I FORGOT EVE MYLES WAS IN THIS EP I LOVE HER (i met her at comic con last year. she called me darling and i died. there's video evidence on youtube.)

MORGANA!!

a lot of this is just gonna be me simping for morgana im sorry im in love with her it's a problem

idk why but the "you're not supposed to be here til wednesday!!" "it is...wednesday." "oh." interaction kills me every time

arthurs such a twat in episode 1 lmao

god why are merlin and arthurs first interactions so incredibly gay

merlin getting thrown in the dungeons in episode 1 honestly just foreshadows the entire rest of his character, the guy is so smart and powerful but also SO dumb

just wanted to add - the costumes in this show are SO GOOD

still love that they asked JOHN HURT if he wanted to voice an annoying somewhat evil dragon in this, at that point, tiny fantasy show, and he was just like 'fuck it yea why not'

gwen and merlins friendship especially in the early seasons is everything to me

"what are you gonna do, get your daddy's men to protect you?" "i could take you apart with one blow" "i could take you apart with less than that." then merlin takes his jacket off?? and they weren't supposed to be gay??? i don't believe it

gaius's resting 🤨 face is so funny

merlin: greatest clumsiest sorcerer ever to walk the earth

'hmm strange eerie voice from the cave below the castle seems to be calling my name...you know what? ill go follow it' because logic

funky 2008 cgi dragon is funky

morgana thinking merlin's gwen and him panicking is one of the funniest scenes of this ep

also. morgana.

morgana in that red dress awoke my lesbianism. literally, she was my gay awakening. she's so gorgeous my brain cannot cope

the arthur having a think for morgana plotline, w h y ? i mean i know why, they dont know they're siblings and the legends themselves were pretty...incestuous...but WHY 😭😭

"she looks great, doesn't she? :D" supportive gf <3

magic cobwebs™

uther logic: you saved my son's life. as a reward, you can do literally everything for him forever. ur his servant now.

#no one cares abt my silly little merlin rants but i forgot how much i love this show #it was my whole personality in the first lockdown #bbc merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #gwen merlin #merthur #morgwen #merlin liveblog

[floshav]

are you alright? pt.4

pairings: fem!reader x draco

word count: 2k+ words

continuation to this mini series <3

honestly i had a lot of fun writing this chapter so i hope u have fun reading it too lol

summary: Y/n gets a panic attack over draco's unexpected mean behaviour the other night thinking he genuinely has feelings for Darcy. Draco shows y/n what he really means and Darcy gets the ego check she so very needs. All this whilst draco gets left in an awkward situation with y/n as the story evolves.

warnings: none really, maybe a borderline steamy scene 😭

time was running short, your breath was running short, everything seemed to be running short at the time, even the constant beeping of your alarm clock waiting to be slammed.

"Y/n! Turn that off you dog!" Darcy yelled whilst clutching both her hands over her pillows at the sides of her ears in atempt to block out the pertruding beeps

Everything was a blur at the moment, every sound was a muffle, every bit of light that peeked through the moonlit window was a blur and most of all y/n was most definitely having another panic attack.

"C-cant b-breath-" Y/n let out with whatever left will power she had

"Oh shut up with your dramaticism you idiot." Darcy shouted before stomping over to slam the alarm clock herself.

'There! wasnt so hard now was it?!" Darcy sighed steamily before slugging back to bed.

"F-fuck"

"D-draco you b-bastard." Y/n said as her last breath trembled with disgust.

The weight of her chest had sunken to great depths of the sea known as her heart. She felt as though the whole world was crushing in on her, and there was no escape.

Before she knew it, her body had finally given up on her and she layed still on her bed, as sweaty palms increased along with her heartrate.

-----------------------

"Y/n? Yyyyyy-n!"

"Oh merlin, what do we do!"

"Darcy. Darcy! pass me the torchlight will you."

She heard the muffled sounds of people clammering around her bed, as if this was her funeral and she'd somehow managed to stay alive.

"Ah good. We're seeing some movement here people!"

"Aw man, i thought lil miss ugly would finally get put down."

Suddenly, everything was clear and the first sentence you heard had to be from Darcy herself as a warm welcome back into this cruel world.

"Y/n! What happened??"

"W-when was the last time you had any memory of conciousness?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

dozens of questions flooded in as if she was in her own 73 questions with vogue. She'd never felt this much attention before which caused her heart to pound with even greater force.

"Y/n darling, how're you feeling?" The soft voice of mrs pomfrey cooed

"A-alright." She stated breathlessly as a droplet of sweat trickled down the side of her eye.

"Hmph. Who even cares how she's feeling anyway." Darcy snarled with arms crossed

She only now realised the room in which she shared was inhabitant by dozens of adolescents crowding to see if she was fine. Some had already left seeing as her waking up wasn't as interesting as her laying unconscious, whilst some stayed just to see the reason on why she fell silent on her bed unable to move.

"W-where is she!"

"You bastard let me through!"

She heard the voice of the infamous Draco trying to pry his way through the crowd. She sighed wanting him to just dissaparate

"Y/n! Madam Pomfrey, is she alright??" Draco frantically asked whilst sitting on the edge of her bed. Sad to see how bedridden his dearest friend looked.

"Oh Draco Dear! It's not that bad. Trust me, she'll live another day." Madam pomfrey comforted whilst packing up the stuff she'd use to check y/n's well-being.

"Well! What are you all doing standing here?"

"Get back to class!" She yelled sternly before shutting the door hard

"What the hell are you doing here Draco." Y/n sighed while she eyed Darcy inch closer to the so called love of her life.

"To see if you died or something, the whole floor was making a commotion, merlin these people really are lifeless." silence so he tried again

"Gotta plan out your funeral well right? Wouldn't want Dumbledore to ruin your plan of a sequinned coffin." Draco tried to joke whilst giving her a small warm smile.

By this time, Darcy had already made her way dangerously close to Draco, just about a breath away from his neck.

The breath of Darcy writhed its way to Draco's neck startling him.

"W-what the hell?" Draco snapped whilst whipping his neck at her in the process almost breaking it.

"H-hi Draco.." Darcy breathed out with a dumb smile

"O-oh uhm. Hi cutie, you look fine today" Draco coughed out whilst slicking back his silver locks

"D-draco stawwp! You look even finer."

"Sugar bun, don't say such things. You're the finest piece of diamond this earth has ever birthed."

Darcy giggled with pure lovestruck joy

"S-so is tonight still on?"

"Yea guess so."

"I-okay i best be going. Don't miss me too much!" Darcy smothered whilst blowing him a charmed kiss, making a lipstick mark land right on his cheek.

"Merlin, she is one desperate bitch." Y/n said whilst rolling her eyes so back they could practically turn in her head.

"And what the hell was that cringe ass attitude Draco?"

"I'm just riling her up for tonight you douche." Draco said whilst awkwardly playing with the ends of her blanket silently cringing at himself.

"So...." He started

"So? You're not going to explain what the hell happened yesterday?" Y/n finally cut the tension with a sharp hot knife. The one question which had been lingering in the air for quite some time now. At least to y/n it was.

"I- About that. I can explain. Trust me."

"I don't know if you can Draco." she sighed painfully

"You were a real dick y'know that?"

"C'mon now you know i don't mean it don't you?" No response

"Look im sorry, it was all an act y/n. Believe me please."

"What! What kind of sick jok-" he cut her off

"Listen y/n! i said all that nonsense yesterday b'coz Darcy was literally standing an inch away from us! You can't expect me to side with you whilst talking shit about her and then expect her to show up for tonight right?" Draco blurted out frantically

"Yea but! but..."

"O-oh. Oh. I see.."

"Yes im glad your blind ass can finally see."

Y/n let out a small embarrassed chuckle. Her face was painted pink at this point, too much embarrassment filling that little head of hers. Draco thought it looked... cute.

He took a deep breath before coming loose.

"You look really pretty today."

Y/n's eyes widened whilst she began to feel all hot and flustered.

"W-what? with this sweaty hair-do and last nights pyjamas on? You've gotta be kidding Draco." Y/n laughed out while picking at her baby hairs

"B-but thank you."

What was this sudden nervousness she was feeling with her best friend? All of a sudden he was a foreign figure to her. A charming man.

"I think you look good" Cough "uhum all the time." a subtle throat clear draco repeated

"M'sorry bout the misunderstanding by the way." He sighed

"S'alright. I've forgiven you ages ago fool." She smiled

The moment was nice. Just her and Draco staring intently at each-other as this silence deafened the room. Yet it was the comfortable type of silence, the one where everything that needed to be said had been said. Yet there was one nagging thought at the back of Draco's mind still wanting to let loose.

"Draco!"

Ugh

"What're you still doing in here? Get to class. Prefects should never be late! Let alone 30 minutes late! 10 points off slytherin." Professor mcgonagall nagged whilst peering into the room with an annoyed expression

"y/n dearest, how're you feeling?"

The contrast between the two moods was surely an interesting one.

"M'fine professor! Draco was just helping me get some medicine earlier." She lied in hopes he would be out of trouble. Surprisingly

"Ah.. Alright then. Get some rest before starting your next period." She said before swiftly making her way down the hall and out of their sight

"Thanks?"

"Don't mention it."

"Didn't work anyway"

"It's the thought that counts ungrateful boy!"

------------------------

Time skip to the end of all periods

The day had gone seemingly smoothly apart from the ache in y/n's head every now and then pounding away at the forefront making her want to just give up and sleep her problems away. She wished she'd gotten the whole day off, but that's life. What could she do?

It was now 12AM and the long awaited mission was to finally occur. Draco standing up Darcy, setting her ego back in place once and for all.

"Okay, so Darcy'll probably be waiting there in around 10 minutes."

"Do i look fine though?"

"Does it matter Draco?"

His heart fluttered at the mention of his name

"Why yes of course it does. She needs t'see this cake first to see what she's really missing out on."

"Oh merlin. Make it stop! Make it stop!" Y/n fake yelled before they both bursted into a fit of soft laughter.

"Man you're funny y/n."

The amount of compliments she was receiving from him today was definitely uncanny.

"Thanks? You're being an awful lot nice today."

"Just thought Y'should know is all."

Draco wondered why no boy had ever sent her a letter on letter day, she truly was one hell of a character to miss out on.

10 minutes had passed by in a blink of an eye, and before she knew it, she was prancing the hallways with Draco, trying not to be seen by any teacher or prefect patrolling at this time.

The moonlit floors and glassy blue lit windows reminded y/n of the night her and Draco started to become close. The night where her heart skipped a beat as he recklessly dragged her down the hall, the night where he almost got them both caught by professor snape. The thought of it all made a soft evident smile play on her lips making her wish he was hers.

No. No she didn't.

"Ooh, that was-" pant "a long" pant "way up-" pant

"You're so un-athletic y/n." Draco said as if he hadn't just run here the same as she did a few seconds ago

"Not my fault i'm not a psycho freak who's obsessed with quidditch." She rolled her eyes

"Yea yea whatever, you enjoy watching me play though" Draco said cheekily whilst a smirk formed on his lips

He got closer

"With your pretty eyes looking up at me fly as i pass by your stand. That sight alone makes me wanna play ten times harder." He uttered just above a whisper.

The words sent chills down her spine.

"I-oh Uh"

Before she could embarrass her flustered self any further she heard the familiar ring of an annoying voice she knew all too well approach.

"Draco..?"

"Oh shit she's here you better shut up" He said before peeking out the corner of the tiny space the two had been cramped in.

It was a dark corner covered by some dusty old boxes which looked like they'd held some variety of old textbooks in the past. Cob webs everywhere, in her hair, in draco's hair. She swears she feels a few creepy crawly's make their way up her arm but smartly decides to ignore it. If it wasn't for the dirt and dust, this place would actually be a nice spot for well... a make out session probably.

Darcy was impatiently looking at her watch the entirety of the time. Sighing and moaning about as if this was a major waste of her time. Which it was definitely but who cared anyway.

What made this even better, was the fact that Draco was recording the whole thing on a muggle cellphone he'd stolen awhile ago.

"The bitch is finally gonna get it." Draco muttered under his breath as he filmed Darcy standing awkwardly near a huge dusty mirror.

Shit. there was a mirror right beside her ready to reveal draco's moonlit silver locks peeking out at any time.

Instinctively y/n pulls draco in as swiftly as one could whilst covering his mouth in the process as she saw Darcy turn to the reflection to possibly touch up her darned face.

"What the fuck?" Draco half muttered with wide eyes.

The muggle device had flung away somewhere in the process.

"Shhhh" y/n put a finger to his lips as she looked up to see Darcy still facing the mirror.

This sent electric waves pounding trough Dracos heart. Wishing it could never end.

"Darcy's looking through the mirror." Y/n finally explained whilst removing her finger from his lips.

"Oh."

"Oh okay, no worries. I got enough footage anyway." Draco said surprisingly as he returned back into y/n's lap he was tossed into.

"Hey what are you doing blonde boy." Y/n wondered with a red face which was luckily covered by the darkness the room engulfed.

"Enjoying the view." He said whilst looking up into her eyes that were illuminated by the subtle moonlight shining into the astronomy tower.

"U-uh ha-haha" Y/n nervously laughed whilst wondering if the draco was actually subtly flirting with her. She couldn't tell if he was fiddling with the strums in her heart, or actually meaning it lovingly.

At this point the whole mission had become a side quest. What was more important right now was the main meal, the tension that had somehow arisen between y/n and draco. Draco's never thought of her this way before, so why now of all times did he have to feel this attraction towards her.

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I cant believe im done writing this?! rn i'm on a quest to write as often as possible so that my work might pop off one day lol but ya i'm kinda proud of this chapter so i hope u enjoyed reading it lovely reader!! 💗 pls do request one shots or fics i really wanna write what's on your mind !

#draco #angst #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #draco fanfiction #draco x reader #fanfiction #hogwarts #harrypotter #mini series #draco mini series #dracomalfoy #draco x y/n #draco malfoy #draco fic #friends to lovers #are you alright #draco malfoy angst #draco imagine

[fukae-flwr]

Tea with an old new Friend

Anne sat across from her, heart pounding. Her visits always left her feeling like she was doing something terribly wrong, and she wasn't wrong. Not many people knew of her appearance, and if they did, well, she definitely wouldn't be sitting here in Anne's house with all the freedom she has. She'd be in Azkaban, for unjustified crimes pinned on her by the ministry.

Thankfully, she had a perfectly casted charm on heraelf, changing her appearance. Not to hide from the ministry per se, but more to hide from two specific aurors who loved to show up at Anne's unannounced.

"How are they?" Penelope asked, her voice sounding slightly off from her normal voice. Her appearance was vastly different from her natural one, but the one thing she couldn't hide no matter what form she took, was the heavy darkness around her eyes. The magic inside her almost tainted the skin around. Not so much as bags like a lifeless body, but more so never fading shadows.

"They are well. They should be returning from a mission the Ministry had tasked them with, any day now." Anne answered finally. Perhaps her response would deter her from staying much longer. Anne cared for her, truly, and she dreaded her being caught due to recklessness.

"Daily Prophet made mention of their new mission. To stop that masked dark wizard..." she chuckled darkly. She was looking into her cup, seeming reading her own tea leaves. Anne couldnt help fret more at the mention of this.

"If that is true, then I really insist we have our tea dates at your place of residency." Anne urged, her voice soft.

She just looked up from her cup and smiled, a glint of that red magic coming to her eyes and the shadows becoming more prominent.

"Your concern is so comforting," she sighed happily, resting her chin on her hand, "but it's truly unwarranted. They won't find me."

"You underestimate them," Anne defended them quickly. Sebastian and Ominis were amazing wizards who excelled at never giving up despite all odds, Sebastian especially. Anne held no doubt in her mind, no matter how powerful Edith was, they will find her. It was only a matter of time.

"Not underestimating, simply knowing where their limits lie." Penelope spoke softly, her finger circling the rim of the tea cup.

"I won't stand for that kind of talk. They are far more competent than you know." Anne placed her cup down, passionately. She both wanted to prove her wrong and also protect her from them. It was very frustrating how conflicted she was.

"Well its a good thing you're sitting down then," she had responded immediately. She stared at Anne wide eyed, surprised by her own words.

"Heh, sorry. Force of habit."

Good grief, this woman was going to be her undoing. Before Anne could say anything, a loud knock came from her door.

"Anne! We're back!!" The familar voice of Sebastian came from the otherside of the door! Immediate panic flood her veins as she looked from Penelope to the door. Penelope, on the other hand, watched Anne in amusement.

"J..Just a minute!" Anne called. She immediately rose from the table trying to think of what to do.

"Shall we wager some galleons Anne?" She whispered excitedly. What in Merlin's name was wrong with her?!

"W..what?!" Anne stuttered.

"See if they would detect me or not? I can easily out power them should an issue arise, though I doubt it will." She chuckled quietly. That confident, was she? Every possible nerve was saying she needed to leave but clearly she had no plans to. Anne just sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to sway someone so stubborn. She might as well make some coin if her plan was to be so reckless.

"Make it 50 galleons." Anne smirked, feeling like her old self for a moment.

"Deal!" Edith smiled wickedly.

My shorts aren't the greatest but I really do enioy writting out the scenes that play in my head as I draw these out. It's so much fun. I hope you're enjoying them too!!!

#fukae art #my art #my artwork #digital art #originalcharacter #edith winterald #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy anne #hogwarts legacy Anne sallow #hogwarts legacy adults #transforming charm #hogwarts legacy oneshot #hogwarts legacy short #before the kidnapping #hogwarts legacy sebastian #adult Anne Sallow #adult ominis gaunt #adult sebastian sallow #fukae fanfic

[jackie5656]

Illuminated With; Sirius Black

A/N: Hello again! I know I’m on a James kick atm, but I wrote this in my notes ages ago with Sirius in mind, and it only seemed right to keep it as his. Besides, Sirius is undoubtedly a girl dad, nothing can be said to change my mind. Also, the names of the Black family follow the stars and constellations as many of you know, so if you find the girls’ names unique, that’s why. I really just want to give these characters a happy ending. So this is all absolutely canon in my mind. Anyways, enjoy! 

T/W: Slight, slight mentions of childhood abuse and details of injury. This one is on the shorter side, shockingly. NOT PROOFREAD YET. 

          “It’s her teething Lill’s” you shush your six month old between sentences, “it’s been much worse than what I remember from Nova and Maia.

“Poor thing, Harry had a lot of trouble too.” Lilly is solemn on the other line, you can hear water running from yet another load of dishes. “Hun, would you please-” she’s interrupted with an onload of kisses, giggling the whole time.

“Hi, James.” You smile fondly at his antics, hearing them cease on the other side.

“Whose been preoccupying my lovely wife the past hour? I’m not fond of sharing, you know.”

“She was my best friend first, Prongs.”

“Well Pads was my best friend first.”

“Touché, Potter.” You rummage through the freezer for another teething ring, turning on your heel in realization. “It’s quiet in my house.” You mutter, mostly to yourself.

“Too quiet.” Lilly finishes, any parent aware of it’s meaning.

Just then, your two older daughters waddle into the room. Tiny bodies swamped in ties and suit jackets belonging to their father. Each wearing a pair of his dress shoes on the wrong foot.

“Merlin, they really do grow up so fast. I have two businesswomen in my house.” The girls trip over their own feet, giggling the whole way to the kitchen and smiling big for your camera.

“Take pictures, y/n! I want to see the babies!” James shouts on the other end of the line, no doubt hovering over his wife with excitement. “Lill’s, why don’t we try for another? They have us beat by a landslide!”

“We’re wildly outnumbered, James. Besides, Sirius practically makes a fourth child.”

“Fourth child?” Sirius holds his bike helmet against his waist, kicking off his boots in the mud room before entering. “Is this how I find out you’re pregnant again?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Harry, sweetheart. Don’t touch that-” there’s a clatter on their end, what sounds like, from your unfortunate experience, a drink spill. Harry begins to cry, and there’s immediate cooing from James in the background. “Merlin, I’ll have to catch up with you later. Maybe a visit to the park tomorrow, or some tea at the house?”

“Sounds lovely, the girls miss Harry dearly.”

“Hear that, Harry? Your cousins want to see you.” This calms the distant crying, and there’s a small shout of excitement from Prongs, eager for another round of tea parties.

“Talk to you later, Lill’s. Love you.”

“Love you!” The line drops, and you can give your full attention to the scene going on in front of you. Sirius scans the room in a feigned panic, looking behind couch cushions and cupboard cabinets in search of your daughters.

“Sweetheart, we’ve lost the children!” He shakes your shoulders, pressing a kiss to Ophelia’s head as she drools on her teething ring.

“I’m sure they’re around somewhere.” And, of course, the five and two year old are stood right at your feet, overcome with laughter. Sirius crouched to get to their level, grabbing each one of their hands.

“Young ladies, you must help me find my daughters! Merlin, how could I live a life with only one of my three princesses?”

“We’re right here, daddy.” Maia assures through a mouthful of thumb. Nova frowns, not wanting to blow the cover of what she believes is an effective disguise.

Your husband is still in his biking outfit, never having rid himself of the dangerous hobby. It took a lot of convincing, but you’ve managed to compromise on the motorcycle. You’ve come to understand it’s an outlet for him, a sense of freedom and adventure he needed so badly as a kid, that sometimes still lingers in adulthood. You run your fingers through his dampened, messy locks. Unsurprisingly, even helmet hair looks good on Sirius Black.

“What, where are you?” It even gets you laughing, the melodramatics as he whips his head around the room, utterly confused. Maia slips out her (fathers) jacket, engulfing him in a hug. “Oh, my sweet girl! Where were you?” He lifts her shirt so her belly shows, blowing raspberries into the soft skin as she squeals. “Wait a minute now.” As if he’s put all the pieces together, Sirius tugs off your oldest daughters jacket, gasping at the reveal. He lunges for her, but she’s quick, bolting off down the hall and screaming the whole way.

“What are we gonna do with them, Lia?” You use her bib to wipe the dribble off her chin, overcome with absolute adoration when she beams brightly through her ring, as if she’s understood you. Little white bumps, peeks of oncoming teeth, protruding from her gums.

********

He’s wrestling Nova into her pajamas when you notice. The undeniable wince that flashes across his face when her foot kicks against his rib cage. 

You’re in the nursery across the hall, swaying Ophelia to sleep in hopes to spend time with your older two before their bed time. Sirius recovers quickly, sending you that award-winning smile he’s utilized to get out of any trouble your entire relationship. Pretty privilege works hard, but not hard enough. 

When your youngest settles down, Maia insists on hot chocolate and an episode of Bluey. An accidental the four of you have stumbled upon the past week. Admittedly, the children’s show has even you and your husband hooked. The girls settle on the couch with their assortment of blankets and favorite stuffed animals, hair still damp from the night’s bath. Sirius stalks into the kitchen, watching as you stir the pot of steaming milk on the stove. 

“Would you mind grabbing the cocoa? I can’t reach it on that top shelf.” He’s instant in his obedience, allowing you to finally scope what’s caused him injury. When his shirt rides up and exposes his toned stomach, a flash of deep purple spreads against his skin. You lower the stoves’ heat, wordlessly approaching him. 

“Eager, are we?” He’s got the audacity to crack a joke, unable to push your searching hands away with their swiftness. Pulling up the fabric of his white pajama shirt and exposing the developing bruise. 

“Sirius.” You’re stifling, voice heavy with anger but low enough so the girls enamored with the television can’t hear. 

“Baby, I promise it’s really noth-” He’s interrupted by his own whine when you press into the tender skin, clutching your wrist tightly with no real ill-will. You rip away from his grasp, appalled. 

“That fucking bike.” 

“It was a small spill, honest! I forgot the protection spell because Remus called and-” 

“I’m not interested in a single excuse, Sirius.” His name sounds sour on your lips, his heart twingeing with guilt and hurt. He hates when you use it like that, the usual sweet and soft sound of it far from use. 

“I may be a little out of practice with the healing charms, but-”

“No, Sirius, This is not something magic can fix. You lied to me.” 

“I didn’t lie.” Hie eyes narrow, voice taught in defense. “I just didn’t tell you. Because I knew this would happen.” He presses his lips together, realizing he’s just sorely hammered the nail to the fucking coffin. Your brows shoot up in bewilderment, almost amused with his valor. 

“What would happen? I get right-effing pissed because you’ve been this reckless?” Sometimes you wish he’d yell. But he hasn’t, probably never will. He promised forever ago to never let your children see what he had to, make you feel the way he did all those years ago. It took a long time, for you to be able to argue and not raise your voice at him. The first time he flinched was enough to eternally eradicate the option in your mind. 

“I forgot! I simply forgot one time, love. Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a bit, considering it was just a little spill and I’m fine?” The latter comes out a little frustrated, and he regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. You snatch a dish towel from the counter, rubbing at an invisible stain in a scattered frenzy. 

“Overreacting? You think I’m overreacting?” You ever think what that conversation would look like for me, Sirius? If you took more than just a ‘little spill’ without the charms and I-” You falter, sick. “And I had to sit our girls down and tell them you-” You stop yourself completely, outright nauseated at the thought. Sirius takes a step forward, any frustration crumbling as soon as he notices your eyes get glossy. You put an arm out, skin singing with anger and hurt. He listens, instead of you he clutches the countertop, knuckles white with need. 

“Love.” He says it gentle, slick with sweetness, hoping to ease the situation if at all possible. “I just forgot, I’m so sorry. If you want me to get rid of the bike-”

“It’s not about the bike, Siri.” You shake your head, forlorn chuckle passing your lips. “You cannot be careless like that. You can’t be reckless anymore. We have babies; they need you. I need you.” It’s a whisper at best, voice cracking with the strain in your throat as you contain your conflicting emotions. 

“I know, I know, baby. I need you too. It was stupid, really stupid.”

“Moronic, thoughtless, daft-”

“Every bad adjective in the book, yeah?” Your head involuntarily perks at his words. What you said to him the first time you met...

 ***********

You were studying in the library when the notorious bachelor of a fifth year approached you. He’d flirted, shamelessly at that. And you hadn’t given him even the slightest time of day. 

“I know you, Sirius Black. You’re that womanizer Gryffindor.”

“So I’m famous amongst you witches then?”

“Something like that.” You clutch your quill in hand, responding to his mischievous smirk with an unamused grimace.

“So what, you won’t give any guy with a reputation a chance? C’mon love, every good bookworm knows you don’t judge one by it’s cover.” He drums a ring-adorned set of fingers against your textbook, whilst you do little to veil the rolling of your eyes. 

“I’m not daft, every witch in Hogwarts knows better than to give the likes of you an opportunity. Charming, evasive, fleeting-”

“Fleeting,” he clutches his chest, lips falling into a pout. “Beautiful stranger, you wound me.” He slides his arms over the table, leaning down so his head is much closer to yours. Hopeful brown eyes searching yours for any signs of surrender. You match his energy, looming over so that the gap between you is even smaller. unrelenting in your distasteful glare. 

“You’re every bad adjective in the book, Sirius Black.”

*********

He smiles. That soft, effortless grin that pulls you out of your daydream and at your heart just as it had when you were kids. Visions of potion classes and laughter-filled common rooms flood your senses. You blink, hard, pushing away the urge to allow yourself to be enveloped in his embrace. “Would you bring them their drinks? It’s almost their bedtime.”

“Baby-” 

“If you read them their story and get them down I’ll finish up in here.” Alluding to the array of dishes in the sink and other remnants of dinner scattered around the kitchen. 

“I could use my favorite girl to help-”

“Sirius, please.” The way his name escapes your lips sends another pain to his lips. Disappointed, strained, exhausted, and worst of all...Wounded. He studies you for a few more moments, deep brown eyes searching your features for any signs of surrender. Tongue brushing over his lips before he bows his head. Collecting the steaming mugs and headed toward the couch without another word. 

************

“Have we finally agreed on a book?” Sirius wipes off the excess toothpaste from the sink of your daughter’s bathroom before he enters the colorful bedroom. 

“Will you tell us one of yours, daddy?” The two stare hopeful at their father, well aware the puppy eyes will reward them with exactly what they want. He tosses them both into one bed, heart warming at the giggles that ensue. If you were here, you’d chastise him half-heartedly for riling them up at bedtime. 

“Alright then,” He slides in next to them, allowing them to shuffle into his sides. “Once upon a time-” Theres a chorus of groans as he pretends to be confused. 

“A real story, dad.” Your oldest shoves at his chest, cheeks rosy with amusement despite the annoyance. 

“This is a real story! The one with the princess and the dragon-” 

“No, a good one! Like how you met mummy!” 

“With the shapes in the sky!” Your toddler chimes in, words muffled between her thumb. Sirius gently pulls the appendage from her mouth with a pointed look, his meek attempt to break her habit. 

“Alright, alright. we’ll do the one where I met mummy.” 

**********

There’s soft voices from the girl’s room as you head upstairs, slightly annoyed to know they’re awake past their bedtime. Your husband’s enchanting voice pulls you out of it, feet taking you to the bedroom down the hall subconsciously. A blue-hued light trickles into the corridor, coming more clear when you push open the door. Your girls are huddled around their father, eyes illuminated with astonishment as they observe the array of holograph-like shapes dancing across the ceiling. Sirius flicks his wand in hand every now and then to keep the spell ongoing during his story. 

“She sent me letters almost every day after we met in the library. Said I was the most charming, handsome wizard in the whole school.” He amuses even himself with the fib-riddled retelling. Satisfied with his own jesting delusions. 

“That’s definitely not how I remember it.” You add from the doorway, all three heads snapping toward you at the interjection. You giggle at their unison, how much your daughter’s mannerisms resemble that of their father. Heart swelling impossibly bigger when the visions above tenfold when Sirius sees you, hears your laugh. 

“You’re making them glow louder, mommy!” Maia shouts, both you and your husband smile fondly at her error of words. 

“She tends to have that effect on me, Dove.” His words are directed toward your daughter, but his eyes are on you. It’s truly a wonder, how after all these years Sirius Black still manages to give you butterflies. 

“Did dad forget to add the time he tried to ask me to the Yule ball in front of all our friends and ended up making it storm in the Great Hall?” 

“It was supposed to be snow, a Slytherin tampered with my spell!”

“Spoilers!” Nova shouts, covering her ears. You both laugh as you make your way toward the bed. Shooting a half-hearted glare at Sirius when he opens his arms and legs for you to sit with him. 

“It’s the only way you’ll fit.” He shrugs, doing little to conceal his need for affection. You give in, under three pairs of hopeful eyes. Carefully, you slip into the bed with them, scooting so you can put your back to Sirius’ chest. He releases a sigh, undoubtedly overcome with relief. 

The girls adjust themselves so they’re nestled on wither side of the pair of you, arguing over what apparition is the brightest when Sirius nudges the top of your head with his chin, a silent ask to look at him. Using his thumb and pointer finger on your jaw to have you face him. 

“I’ll never forget again.” He whispers so only you can hear, sincerity and emotion heavy in his tone. “I’m not going anywhere, my love. I promise.” You study his face, admiring his handsome features with a soft smile. Pressing a kiss to his cheek in wordless response. Mimicking your daughters, you look up at the ceiling so as to not let him see the moisture pricking at your eyes. He nudges at your jaw again, encapturing you in a real kiss. Cementing his promise. 

“Gross, no more!” Nova pushes at her father’s chest, but he insists, aiming to tease the lot of you as he deepens the embrace. 

“It’s making the lights too loud!” Maia covers her eyes, shielding them from the holographs. 

You finally manage to pull away, squinting at the oncoming change in lighting along with your daughters. 

“Siri, they’re right. Relax, I can barely see.” You attempt to push away the attack of kisses to your face and neck. The girls squealing to add to the chaos as Sirius pulls all of you impossibly closer. Managing to bunch together on the un-accommodating mattress. 

“What? I can’t love my girls this much? Is it such a crime to love you all?” A chorus of yelps ensue in response to his incessant pecks. All of you wincing when sounds of the baby’s crying erupt from the nursery. You’re about to hurry off the bed by instinct when a strong grip stops you. 

“I’ll get her, she needs to hear this story anyway.” Sirius scrambles from the bed like a giddy kid, eager to hold your youngest despite her only having been down an hour.  But not before blowing rasberries into your daughters cheek’s, ignoring their shouts in protest. He captures you in another kiss too, as if he’ll be gone any longer than thirty seconds. 

It’s no wonder Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky. 

#sirius x reader #Sirius Black #ben barnes #hogwarts #Harry Potter #marauders fanfiction #Marauders #marauders era #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black fancast #Lilly Evans #James Potter #sirius #sirius orion black #imagines #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #imagine #fanfic #blurb #dad sirius #padfoot #padfoodblackdog #marauders padfoot #marauders x reader #fluff

[itoshi-s]

*inhale* hello zari😫🥹I MISSED U SOOO!!! i hope you’ve been having a lovely holidays and staying toasty warm ! i wanted to drop by and *ahem* give you some thirst over slytherin! rin to warm up your brain hehe

slytherin! rin who’s a pompous pure blood that struts the halls of hogwarts in confidence. you’d think he’d be 100x worse than draco malfoy and join in on the dreadful boy’s torture on poor neville but instead, the boy sneers at his fellow slytherin, “preying on the weak shows how incompetent you are malfoy.”

walking hastily away from the scene rin rolls his eyes in annoyance over his peers, how could they pay such wasteful attention to something lowly such as bullying as a means for entertainment and show of power he’ll never know, he’d much rather focus on his studies to prepare to take over his family’s business as an itoshi heir, and to also kick gryffindor ass since he (not to brag, but he thinks it deserves bragging rights) not only took position of seeker, much to isagi’s dismay, he’s far in too deep to take a rest now.

in the midst of his thoughts he fails to watch where he was going and bumps into a… less taller individual, hearing the small “oof” of them he skids to a halt and looks down to see you. the bright yellow of your house’s scarf showcasing your hufflepuff pride you rub your arm in attempt to soothe the slight ache from bumping into itoshi rin.

“ah i’m sorry! i should’ve moved out the way since you in such a hurry! are you o-“

“no need to apologize.” he mutters, trying to keep a straight face around you. he’s always like this! WHY? you, who he notices takes care of the flowerbed at the kindness of your heart, you, who always makes sure to have an extra quil ready for him since he always loses them, you, who always offers to be his partner during potions since no one else wanted to ask.

he should think you’re annoying. a nuisance. a pain in his neck. how dare you act like you care for him? was he weak? was he seen as someone who needed help? from no other than a hufflepuff? he should think this way— after all his slytherin pride is on the line. but he can’t. not with you.

he loves how you take care of the flowerbeds when no one else cared to do so, he makes sure the water pail is filled all the way up for you. he loves how you have an extra quil for him, he makes sure your notes are in order since he knows you can be a bit frazzled and misplace them. he loves how you always partner up with him at potions, he’ll make sure to help you with their class work, after all, he’d never partner up with no one else but you.

“rin? riinnn? are you there?” you wave a hand in front of his face, gently smiling to him as you see him break out of his trance. “you okay? didn’t know bumping into me would put you through a different universe.” you mused.

clearing his throat he fixed his posture and (horribly) tried to hide the ever growing blush on his face as he guided you through the busy hallway with a hand on your back, “nonsense, you’re much too light to have affected me physically. besides you need to be more careful.” you raise a brow but let him scold you, “if it wasn’t me who bumped into you someone else surely would’ve pushed you to the floor.”

grinning to yourself you lightly bump your hip to his, “ohhh? itoshi rin is worried about me?”

‘tch’ing’ at you he ruffles your hair and lightly pushes you forward so that you wouldn’t see how RED he was! “merlin you’re insufferable.”

oh he’s got it badddd.

KAAAAAAAAYYYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA @_@ ohhhhh my god THIS IS GOLD ..... HE'S A SLYTHERIN HE IS !!!!!!! and he makes it look so good ong </3 THE PINING !!! THE CRUSH !!!!!!!!!! he's so cute w a hufflepuff girl too :(((((((( PLS the way this ignited this deep carnal need to reread hp again kjfhakfahk THIS IS SO SWEET i am literally just o_o giggling at work reading this !!!!!!!!!! kayla the queen of all au's i dont make the rules ! >_<

#✧.* lovelies (ﾉ´ з `) / (kayla) #kayla beloved <3 u are a blessing i am kissing u on the mouth for this mhm mhm #rin itoshi x reader #rin my love

[cordeliaflyte]

Books I enjoyed in 2022

Inspired by the legendary @gaudigf 🌷!

Memorial: an Excavation of the Iliad by Alice Oswald (read in February). Potentially the most influential poem I've ever read + where my blog title comes from! Just look at the scene of Hector's death:

And HECTOR died like everyone else

He was in charge of the Trojans

But a spear found out the little patch of white

Between his collarbone and his throat

Just exactly where a man’s soul sits

Waiting for the mouth to open

He always knew it would happen

He who was so boastful and anxious

And used to nip home deafened by weapons

To stand in full armour in the doorway

Like a man rushing in leaving his motorbike running

All women loved him

His wife was Andromache

One day he looked at her quietly

He said I know what will happen

And an image stared at him of himself dead

And her in Argos weaving for some foreign woman

He blinked and went back to his work

Hector loved Andromache

But in the end he let her face slide from his mind

He came back to her sightless

Strengthless expressionless

Asking only to be washed and burned

And his bones wrapped in soft cloths

And returned to the ground

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (reread in March). This shaped my identity fundamentally. A wonderful intermingling of comedy and tragedy.

Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison (read in April). My favourite Toni Morrison! A touch of magic realism. No-one names characters as skilfully as Morrison.

The Iliad as translated by Caroline Alexander (read in May). What is there to say even.

The Horse, the Wheel, and Language by David W. Anthony (read in May). Genuinely fascinating read about the spread of Proto-Indo-European. Would recommend it wholeheartedly!

The Old Arcadia by Philip Sidney (read in July). Bucolics + cross-dressing, what's not to love?

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (reread in September). Wonderfully constructed familial bonds.

Devotions on Emergent Occasions and Death's Duel by John Donne (read in September). So much rot and putrefaction!

Dancing in Odessa & Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky (read back to back in October). Mesmerizing poetry collections would recommend wholeheartedly.

The Absolutist by John Boyne (read in November). Your typical WW1 drama. The first page was crafted in a lab to enthral me. A traumatized man returns from the trenches haunted by his dead best friend who he had an ambiguous relationship with on a train to return letters said friend had received from his sister… When I saw this premise I gasped because I am 100% earnest this has been one of my little daydream scenarios for years.

Selected Poems by Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Susan Ranson and Marielle Sutherland, read in November). Got it for a friend's birthday but naturally had to read it as well to ensure quality. Especially enchanted by the Duino Elegies.

Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake (read in December). And recommended by Medli Gaudigf! Mushrooms. Written in a beautiful and informative way.

Poet in New York by Federico García Lorca (translated by Greg Simon and Stephen F. White, read in December). Got this for my birthday :) my first Lorca, gifted by a friend who knew I wanted to get into him, influenced by my infatuation with Leonard Cohen. Beautiful. This edition also includes some letters to his family, they're sparkling and witty and filled with warmth.

All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque (translated by Arthur Wesley Wheen, read in December) read on a flight. More dying horribly in the trenches :D.

[chaosagenda]

i really do hate sds and only like a solid maybe 5 characters and heres why

(spoilers because i cant talk about my hatred for this anime without spoiling it)

theres so much pedophilia. i dont give a jack shit if shes the repetitively reincarnated version of your lost lover meliodas STOP groping a 16 YEAR OLD!!! “the age of consent in japan is 16″ die. that isnt even true, the age of consent varies by reigon. but even then, sds does not take place in japan or anywhere that even exists on earth, so shut up

and then there’s ban who engages in a relationship and has children with an actual child “elaine’s thousands of years old!!” that is a CHILD and if you’re attracted to that, and if you think that’s okay, i ask for you to seek help because if you did not feel uncomfortable at all watching his romance boil and kiss someone who looks like she is 6 you have serious issues

the only scene i genuinely like is that one scene in the first season when meliodas and ban reunite and bro so hard they break an indestructible barrier and all their problems were solved yeah man i didnt even need absolute cancel i just threw my bro through 13 different walls and it just busted

then theres the typical anime thing where the men should be twinks but are ripped for no reason. technically this isnt problematic but you seriously cant look at him and think nah man that dude has an 8 pack

that is a twink. and im not sorry

then theres your standard “these characters should have been gay” and then they werent like guila and jericho were a thing at one point and nobody in the world could convince me otherwise 

and there are scenes so laughably bad, like when veronica kisses tiny griamore on the head and he reverts back to normal size except all of his clothes are ripped and hes ass naked. then guila comes in and just. blasts him (this scene was both actually horrible and legendary at the same time)

then this is more of a dub thing but some of the voices are actually so bad. why does zeldris sound like that. that is a short emo man that is not a buff member of the swat team

fanservice is bad too. you cant tell me nerobasta’s back doesnt HURT from those actually gargantuan jugs. i dont even think those are possible. that dress is hanging on for dear life. this doesnt even work you cant trick me into thinking this animes good by putting e cup anime titties in my face

anyway this anime’s a 10/10 i recommend it to uh to uh uh a very large audience

and the movies arent that great either, especially cursed by light because you spend have of this plot lollygagging and then suddenly everythings fine, but youre still halfway through the movie so elizabeths mommy has to descend and start throwing hands and with the power of teamwork the cast defeats this universe’s version of god the only part i like about that movie is the two 10 second scenes where arthur and merlin are present and the whole time they’re just like 🧍 ominously

is there anything i like? plot wise, absolutely not i cant think of anything but i do like some of the characters

diane, while annoying a lot of the time, was genuinely okay. she was my first kin and for that she’s pretty close to my heart. but her intense infatuation with meliodas in the first chunk of the anime actually drove me up a wall, but she does get better

king was pretty great, and while a little bland, i still liked him. hes also dubbed by max mittelman and that just increases my adoration for him

gowther is... gowther. the buildup of a tall muscular man in armor but is actually a pink haired androgynous twink was great i loved that, i cosplayed him in 2020 and i still say “✌️sparkle!” to this day

escanor was pretty cool until he... wasnt... and then im not gonna say any more (rest in peace king)

i liked gilthunder after he was out of his emo phase and even enjoyed him when he was still in it. the circumstances of his villain arc were generally stupid as well as confusing and vivian’s existence gets on my nerves but gil was cool, along with howzer, who is probably one of the most horrendous looking characters ive ever seen (as controversial as that statement is) but at least hes funny. theyre also voiced by robbie daymond and ray chase, so if youre a persona fan, like, come on this duo is iconic (duo. i have a strong dislike of griamore and to my concern he does not exist)

merlin, i liked merlin. i liked merlin. a lot. for reasons. for a lot of reasons. she was she was uh and her character arc and backstory was um... i liked merlin yes i did

okay i cant not talk about arthur anymore. i love arthur. hes my little closeted ginger homosexual guy and he’s just great. he has actually zero idea whats happening at any given time but still is op as all hell, and i just love him. he has a baby face and is dubbed by zach aguilar so its really hard for me to not just want to hug him when he died that extremely brutal death i just sat there like ☹️ come on man thats not cool you cant kill off the best character and expect me to keep watching this

yeah thats right i never even finished it. i was a huge sds fan in like 2018 when season 4 and season 5 werent out yet, and then i stopped liking it, and when they did come out, i never finished. i watched a couple general scenes, and im very aware of the plot and what happens after the point i stopped watching and as much of a hate watcher i am there is no way that those last couple seasons are even sort of worth my time. ill watch the movies whenever they come out but... i cant handle any more than that.

anyway seven deadly sins is actually horrible and nobody should watch it unless its the filler episodes where the characters sit around and complain all day because those have the capability of being fun

#seven deadly sins #nanatsu no taizai

[glaivenoct]

12,13,14.&19, if you could please?

Thank yoouuu again for indulging me friend!! ;u; <3 (Behind The Scenes Fic Questions)

12.) Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I don't know what this really qualifies under as a Trope per se, but I've always wanted to try writing a whumpy fic where Noct gets taken captive and experimented on. Experimented in the sense of trying to suppress his magic or tap into the power of the crystal or whathaveyou through Noctis. Something along those lines as long as it has to do with messing with Noct's magic/magic responses, forcing him into a constant stasis and then pushing him to the limits so to speak.

Listen. All I really want is an excuse for Noct to be strapped in a chair, barely coherent because everything is taking a toll on him. And I just want him to fucking snap because whatever test or method they try next is not only painful - but he's just so overwhelmed that it sets off some wild, magical self preservation instinct in Noctis.

He can't control it. He screams while his eyes ignite that violet color like when he summons one of the six. The lights above him and windows around him fucking shatter and short circuit. He busts out of his restraints like it's nothing. Anyone or anything in the near vicinity is absolutely fucked and terrified.

Basically, give me Noctis feral with power and the bros/Nyx/Cor having to talk him down and snap him out of it.

*coughs* So, um. Yeah what trope is that? ...is this a trope? What's a trope again, I need a dictionary lmao

13.) Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Hmm.. probably unrequited love because... I mean that's just no fun to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

14.) If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

I accepted my fate and dug my grave with Nyx and Noct years ago. There's no turning back now.

Lmao that surprises no one, SO ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE ANYONE ELSE. Hmm.. I think I'd choose Merlin from bbc Merlin because I at least have someone fun and magical (and wouldn't that be handy on a deserted island) to pass time with! Aaaand.. Agent Twilight aka Loid Forger from Spy x Family. Not only am I simping HARD for the man lately, but between him and Merlin, I'd be safe as fuck. He's fucking smart and would probably have some spy connection that ends up getting us off the island anyway. And while he wait - he can make me and Merlin foooood. He'll find a way, he always does that smooth culinary fucker. I'd trust Twilight and Merlin with my goddamn life, fuck!

15.) Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

See... given that I kinda stay in my little NyxNoct corner and don't venture much into writing outside of them - I guess it's easy to say that both of them are the easiest for me to write? At the same time it's still hard because... well, I don't know if I even write them well? Don't get me wrong, I personally enjoy the way I write them, but at the same time I sometimes wonder if, despite that, I write them in a way others would consider "in character". Sometimes I think I do, but sometimes I doubt myself too. It can be a back and forth thing at times, but at the end of the day I still manage to write things I'm proud of.

Again, OUTSIDE of those two. The hardest character for me to write is without a doubt Ignis. Why? I have no clue. Whenever I look at the bros and think about writing them it just goes like this:

Noct: Yeah cool I got this Gladio: Mmm yeah I can pull this off probably Prompto: Erm, winging it but I think it'll be okay Ignis: ????

Not to talk about Cagefighter AU again but. Listen. The aside is a Monster for many reasons. I am nervous about the aside for Many Reasons. One of those many reasons for both of these circumstances is "I hope to fucking god I can write a convincing and in-character Ignis because he's a big part of the whole damn thing. Everyone start your prayer circles for me n o w."

I think for the most part I've been able to do him justice, and in turn it's starting to help build my confidence a little with writing him. But to say it hasn't been challenging would be a lie.

As always, I am doing my best ;u;

#fic asks

[sapphicblight]

3, 13, 41, 49 and 50 please? Love your writing and would love to know more 💖💖💖

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

insecurity is a big one i’d say. it’s one of my favorite topics to read about in fics too so naturally it made its way into my writing. we’re not gonna look too deeply into how that relates to my own insecurities and journey into learning to love myself, shhhh. crying is also a theme too, because i want my characters to suffer but i also want them to be able to let it out, give them that release shdjfg

as for smut specific details, crying is once again a thing?? ok sure 😅 and overstimulation too, even in the v first smut i ever wrote (your body’s a tether), though the first time i properly went in on that was for eat bathe (make) love where the entire second and third chapter pete is just overstimulated to hell and back. sorry buddy sdbhf

also — im still learning how to write bdsm and kinda chickened out of realllly exploring it for my past fics, so i just kinda stuck to choking and spanking for most of my vp sex scenes, and in the case of intrinsically i actually kind of regret that (the spanking especially, in hindsight i just don’t think it fits the tone and what the characters would do / need right then) 

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

ooooh shit i actually rly need to think about this one. idk does abo count? shdnjfk i used to read it sort of almost accidentally, not really realizing what i was getting into with that till much later, back when i used to read a lot of sterek fanfiction (and some destiel too). very occasionally an author will do a lot of legwork with worldbuilding and sell me on it for that fic specifically, but in general i havent been into abo or mpreg themes (not counting a ftm trans character in that — the thing i dislike reading is mpreg that can’t occur irl) for a few years now.

i also used to be more into aus that had nothing to do w canon, like high school aus and (for stuff like merlin) modern aus, which is funny bc i wrote a college au and am now writing a historical au w luna, but i never said i wasn’t a hypocrite hdnjgh — but yeah nowadays i almost exclusively read canon-compliant, canon-divergent, or post-canon fics. i came here for these characters in this setting usually, so then that’s what i seek more of 🤷‍♀️

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

oooh there are MANY. there are some authors whose writing styles have my brain zooming with envy but mostly just so much appreciation and enjoyment. some of my very favorites tend to be angsty fics, and angst is just my go to vibe and genre to read, so while i have many favorites that are more happy or humorous, i'm going to specifically shout out two of the angstiest pete-centric ones that made my chest ache with emotion as i read them: milk teeth by constitutiondumpstat; and only the heart knows. by evashougouki (i still havent gotten around to their recent 20k words pete fic nothing. that i just know is going to break me so good. i rly need to get on that asap but consider this a pre-emptive shoutout to that for probably changing my brain chemistry once i read it as well)

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! 

ohoho well for snippets of the prohibition au i recommend checking luna’s twitter or tumblr, she’s posted a few already! 

so instead i’ll post a slightly redacted snippet from the 4th chapter of my mobwife au (‘ultraviolet disguise’, a canon-divergent au where pete never got recruited as bodyguard but ends up caught up in mafia bullshit anyway when he starts dating a mafia don named ‘hwan’ who vegas has been trying to take down for a while now)

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! 

hmmmm. i think i’ll take this opportunity to grab question 48 (What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?) and plug @lu-sn’s discotheque rouge which just got a second chapter that makes me want to live inside her specific brand of post-canon vegaspete 💕 

#THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME NUMBERS!!!!! #and so many too omg #tumblr ate my first answer so i drafted the second in my notes and am praying all the links and @s are functioning as they should #thank you again!!!!! #text #writing #ask #fic rec #fic recs

[m00n-pr1sm]

Okay listing my changes if I were to rewrite morgana, somewhat canon compliant bc I think abt her. A lot. I have not been around to menace on tumblr so have this rant I wrote up a week or so ago + I wrote some extra stuff

-explore her negative feelings more, her guilt and belief that she’s a monster and also her desire for acceptance, also interesting if they incorporated that into a conquering of the social sphere (like just making her so2 lol, I do think she’s actually so2 but like making her a more obvious one, jk I don’t think she is anymore). Like I just want to see her love need explored more,, I actually really like how the crystal cave episode explores this, she’s rejected by uther as his daughter and this is what breaks her (interestingly Katie McGrath said in an interview that this was morgana’s turning point and that she genuinely believed if she has accepted she wouldn’t have gone down the path she did). I’m also watching nge (neon genesis evangelion) and the character exploration on that show is top tier, like I love deep dives into a character’s psyche. honestly just wanted to mention it bc I love it

-don’t throw away the friendship established w gwen and Merlin (okay I can understand Merlin bc he literally poisoned her lol) ,, like not just bc I’m a loud morgwen shipper but just bc they genuinely loved and cared for each other but the show throws that all away, more doubt over her choices due to the ppl she cares abt. Or at least make her turn against them feel more personal than just seeing them as obstacles to get past (like if gwen is killed she will never be queen, like dawg she was ur best friend for years).

-don’t make the entire turn of her character off screen, like if ur going to make her evil,,, actually show a good progression,, than just unwillingly “evil” and clearly shaken by the unintentional consequences of her actions to just “yeah Camelot needs to burn I need to become queen and who cares about innocent ppl”. Like you can sorta infer what happens in her time with morgause, she manipulates morgana in her poor mental state, feeding on her feelings of betrayal, pushing the idea she’s the only one she can trust all that stuff, but from a viewer standpoint it seems too sudden, like she became so intensely ruthless?

-I honestly really would’ve loved to see her have a divide, where she realizes that what morgause pushed on her, this idea of becoming queen and realizing this is not what she wanted at all. I want more internal conflict and polarity. I would’ve loved morgana having a internal crisis lol, maybe even a proper redemption arc

-a shower thought but in the dark tower episode it would’ve been so chilling if she dresses up or emulates as what she looked like in earlier season to sell the idea of “we’re friends gwen” + bc she’s more desperate for her than I am for my perfect partner and I’m sx5,,, but there’s some logistical issues and I’ve decided to stop minding her hair (Okay this one fic actually addressed the metaphorical implications of her hair in s4/5 fuck it was so good) bc I love a 4F girlboss OR just have Gwen have a vision of her (which I’ve seen done in fics AND IT’S SO COOL)

-make her even more snarky in earlier seasons I love snarky morgana

-also her sibling hood w Arthur do more than just acknowledge it a few times,,, they really should’ve kept in that scene where he asked what went wrong (the deleted dark tower scene). I do think it’s justifiable for her to resent him because she sees him as an extension of uther.

-my typology rants abt her are a whole separate spiel, anyways the world resentment was there y’all could’ve just made her a sp1 OR sx6. I also wish fi-ni sx4 was real. VELF morgana always stays winning, passive volition morgana is weird. Also sorta wish she wasn’t so2 bc SEE would’ve been cool too, but I’ll take EIEL

LOLOL old ignore all that she’s sx4 ESI IF(S)

-I just really wish she had a better through-line, like some thing that kept her arc consistent bc evaluating it as a whole it’s sorta a mess, and her motivations just feel so reduced by s5, to just I want Arthur dead lol <3, like ofc she’s not exactly in the best mental state but it feels shallow. I do wish they kept her maybe more morally gray with genuine idealism for a better world; resentment towards Camelot but still an inner conflict regarding her loved ones, all that. SHE COULD’VE BEEN A REALLY COOL SO7!!

I love her though anyways, ty for infinite brainrot

#bbc merlin #morgana #morgana pendragon #me ranting about merlin’s writing but I have to bring in typology

[merlinband-archive]

Band History

Merlin was a short-lived glam rock/pop band based in the UK that was active from c. 1973-1975.

The band originated out of an earlier group called 'Madrigal', which was known for being a strong harmonies band that worked some of the same circuits as Mud. By early 1973 the original Madrigal had disbanded, leaving only the drummer David Wightwick and bassist Paul Taylor as the remaining members.

In May 1973 Madrigal was reformed with the help of manager Derek Chick and new lead singer, Alan Love. Chick and Love had been discussing forming a band that would combine a glamorous stage act with commercial appeal, and they decided to use Madrigal as the bases for their new band. After holding auditions they were joined by Jamie Moses on guitar and Jacob Magmusson on keyboards.

The band's first performance was on July 17, 1973 at the Zero 6 in the Southend. Shortly thereafter they were discovered by Roger Greenaway, who had been looking for a young up-and-coming act that he could mold into something along the lines of The Sweet or Mud. He brought them into the studio in the fall of 1973 where they recorded several songs, among them their first single "Let Me Put My Spell On You". By this point Magmusson had been replaced by Bob "Scully" Webb, after deciding to leave the band in October 1973.

Greenaway was fully committed to making the band work and he soon got them their first TV appearance in November 1973 on Scottish TV's "Showcase". Greenaway's strategy for the band was to solidify their place on the music scene by booking an extensive solo tour for the spring. By the time the tour started on March 1st, 1974 the band had changed their name to 'Merlin' on the suggestion of Scully, who came up with the name in the van on their way to a gig.

The tour included 47 dates between March 1st and April 28th, 1974 with shows booked at top-ranked ballrooms, colleges, and universities across the UK. In March 1974 the band also got their first radio broadcasts on the BBC Radio One David Hamilton Show and Radio Luxembourg Power Play.

Merlin signed a deal with CBS records and recorded their first (and only) album in 1974, presumably following the end of their solo tour. Paul Taylor played bass on the album but decided to leave the band in September 1974 before it was released. He was replaced by Gary Alice Strange, but Taylor retains bass credits on the album. Their self-titled album Merlin was released on October 25, 1974.

The band released five singles in total:

"(Let Me) Put My Spell On You" b/w "Just Another Fish On My Hook" - Released March 1, 1974

"Alright” b/w “Pictures In My Mind” - Released June 28, 1974

“Wild Cat” b/w “Half A Man” - Released November 1, 1974

"What A Funny Way To Fall In Love" b/w "Rock and Roll Express" - Released February 14, 1975

"Too Too Much" b/w "Gettin' Involved" - Released July 18, 1975

The first three singles each featured a non-album track on the other side. The fourth single does not include any album track on either side. The final single included the album track ("Gettin' Involved") as the b-side and marketed the single as "Alan Love & Merlin" (possibly due to Merlin being disbanded by this time).

Two of the singles reportedly reached the Top 20 in the charts, likely "Alright" and "(Let Me) Put My Spell On You".

As part of the album's promotion, the band filmed an appearance for the Dutch music program TopPop which was broadcast on November 1, 1974. This appearance is the only known surviving footage of Merlin performing.

In late 1974 Merlin toured again in support of David Essex. It seems the group disbanded by the end of the tour, although the exact details of how and why the band ended are unclear. One fan account claims that they disbanded at the start of the tour when Nigel Benjamin was brought in to replace Alan Love on lead vocals; other accounts claim that Moses and Webb simply joined Benjamin in a different band once Merlin was over. This seems to be the more likely scenario, as some interviews with Love from early 1975 indicate that he was still with Merlin but that the group were on a small hiatus.

Regardless of the details, Merlin didn't survive long into 1975. Despite the ambitions of Greenaway, Merlin would ultimately disband roughly two years after their formation.

#reference

[call-jupiter]

committing myself to attempting a chapter in the form of a true-crime doc for The Sycamore Tree lmfao should be fun but we’ll have to see how it goes. I like challenging myself and trying my hand at a variety of writing styles and this fic being my first rookie fic AND being as long and as… involved… as it is makes it a good sandbox for some experimentation. might scrap it if it pisses me off but the attempt will be made. I already know exactly what ground it’s gonna cover and everything so I’m looking forward to putting those chapters in proper writing (not just an outline) so I can really get to work on this one knowing fully how the relevant chapters before it panned out. it’s planned and all but I need to actually finish the chapters first bc I’m not… always great at following my own outlines. lol.

since I’ve been trying to flesh it out with subplots and side action and new characters and bottle chapters and things my outline has come out feeling structured very much like a season of television. so I thought it’d be cool to try and take one of the show’s unique episode formats and incorporate it in. turning Sycamore into something of like a… what-if for s5 on the whole rather than just a canon divergence that happens to start in s5? like I want it to be Large Scale. if my readers and I are committing to 40 chapters that range from 7-10k words each, I might as well use that space to its full potential.

I’m rambling. but what y’all are gonna learn about me the more and more active I get in the fanfic scene for this show is that there’s nothing I love more than using my socmed platforms to pontificate my little fic ideas instead of making private notes. do it on my twt all the time for bbc merlin bc that’s the place I promo those works. tumblr’s become a bit of a home base for my rookie content (which is just Sycamore rn but hopefully more in the future since I’m enjoying creating this one so much). that means these random little musings about potential fics or directions for those wips are mostly gonna land here. feel free to ignore them. or, hell, if I post some off-hand concept that you like go ahead and lift it for your own works. I think that’s why I like making notes this way tbh bc then if an idea is dead-on-arrival for me it could theoretically find life in the hands of another writer who came across it. like paying it forward or whatever but in fic prompts. inspiring myself and hopefully other writers in the process—since I know coming up w an idea is half the battle. might be a bit presumptuous but it’s like if I do it this way maybe I can make that part a bit easier on my future self or on someone else. idk.

anyway. love y’all a lot. like a lot a lot. the support is still mind-blowing to me. I don’t think I’ll ever quite wrap my head around it. very surreal. so hopefully you can bear w me and my aimless posts like this and my writing experiments that may or may not succeed. I’m so proud of this work so far but it’s such new territory for me and it really feels like it’s asking a lot of the audience to stick w it since it’s… so much. like I want the diversions from the main arc to feel natural and engaging. it’s difficult tho bc I’m not a professional or whatever. I’m not even someone w an english/writing/literature background or something. I’m just a pharmacology student writing some silly little fanfiction in my spare time.

what I mean to say is that I’m trying my damnedest to make it worth your time to read it all. even the parts that aren’t chenford or aren’t connected to the main plot. like they’re there bc I feel like it adds to the experience not bc I’m trying to pad the length. and ik that in my mind but sometimes I see the current word count or my projections for the final word count based on the average of the finished chapters and I question how it comes off. like I worry a bit that adding stuff like that could seem superfluous even tho it’s not my intention. I don’t want Sycamore to be long for the sake of being long. I want it to be long so it can feel like a whole universe. like a highly fictionalized thing still grounded somewhat in reality. not just a one-track story to get characters straight from point A to point B. you know?

idk what I’m saying anymore but. it all makes sense in my head. I just have so many thoughts about this work and I’m also just so excited to write it and publish it and let you see it but it’s very slow-going bc I want it to be as good as possible.

anyway. weird little draft note thing over. there was a point to this somewhere but I definitely lost it midway. lmfao. this is what happens when I forget to take my adhd meds and can’t focus enough to actually write but still want to feel like I’m making progress. whoops.

#the sycamore tree #fanfic #ao3 writer #the rookie

[swiminthunder]

I did this as a trade for a character w/ @/kuy on TH and I'm pretty happy with the character I got in return which I'll hopefully show soon if I'm not too caught up in my own web of art of my character hoard

So first up is gonna be how I drew Chocolate Kiss :3 I knew I was gonna draw a fullbody and the instant I saw Chocolate Kiss, I just knew I was gonna draw something soft with flowers and stuff, so I looked about online (was not happy with the Unsplash search results for what I wanted) and found this lovely picture (I tried to find the origin but ended at chasingdaisiesblog.com). I liked the sunset and wanted to work on my tone matching for environments and whatnot, which having a field vs a studio definitely helped that practice lol Anyway, I did realize that the specific lighting on this bub isn't exactly accurate to how a subject in that scene would look but it does look pretty and that's all that matters. Plus I added lil fireflies kinda thing bc pretty. This is prolly one of my fav pieces this year lol

Next up - Merlin! So this was a headshot and I started with a half body because I was trying to plot out the hands before cropping it up to a bust shot. In Merlin's bio, it said he is the lead singer in a band, and while I was plotting out the other drawing, I had initially thought of drawing him with a moody microphone on stage but I figured that is too typical of an approach. When I began his sketch, I searched references for studios and just traced over a microphone (there's no way in hell you're gonna make me draw a studio mic on my own w/o it lookin hella wonky). The pose just felt natural and I didn't use much reference aside from like 3 pictures of my own hands just to draw his right hand lol The lighting- I saw a post on Pinterest of someone suggesting warm shadows and cool lighting. I used to use this kind of thing all the time like 2 years ago, but I switched to warm all around or cool all around to study lighting better for the past year, but goin back to that felt funny and I feel set a pretty good studio tone for the most part. Ngl, I'm not /as/ happy abt this one, but I think my feelings on em even out because of my first drawing.

In any case, that's my thought processes for these two pieces. If y'all wanna keep seein me write out my thought processes, maybe reblog or leave a comment. If ya got any questions or art requests (like "draw Miku Hatsune!" or smth like that) then comment that for sure.

If you want your OC drawn, commissions are currently open - just DM me and I will eventually see it. Commissions are 50% off rn until New Years (quick price list for colored- $5 Headshot $10 Half-body $20 Full-body). Make sure to follow for more art, whether it be from me or my fellow artists here. I'm still new so if ur an artist here and follow me then I'll follow back and probbly reblog ur art when I am on this app. Yep, have a good one y'all

#artwork #art #art trade #artists on tumblr #art commissions #taking commisions #cottagecore #soft life #studio #strawberry #flower #daisy #flowers #furry #cute furry #anthro #anthro art #furry art #elf #humanoid art #furry artist