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cagenerals · 11 months

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Love Letter To Myself by Anastasia

Dear Anastasia,

Quite the name.

No one says it right and you don't care to ever correct them. You hate the name. It's complicated and the way it looks doesn’t match the way it sounds, but it's unique. There's not much meaning. I guess some uncle named Anthony died and your mom wanted a girl version of that. You never met him, but it seems like your family loved him. Hopefully they love you just as much, if not more.

Dad. You can't say he was a deadbeat because he was there… just not there. He has always been around but it's almost as if he was just a body. No emotion. No love. Only the bi-weekly forced company. But he was young when he had you and now he just works a lot.

Mom Grandma gave you everything your dad wasn't around for. Taught you how to bathe, taught you to not talk to strangers, taught you how to cook, the basics of course.

You didn't learn what you really needed until your mom grew up. She taught you how to stand up for yourself and how to love. How to fight your own battles and how important school is.

School. It's been kicking your ass.

You've always been told that for the first 18 years of your life that's all that matters. Don't worry about anything but school.

What about you?

You want to worry about yourself, but in the grand scheme of things there's no time for that. Genetics or whatever targeted you and caused all those mental illnesses. You have depression, anxiety, and bipolar dis— back to school.

Burned out former gifted child. That's the best way to refer to it. For me, school was easy until it wasn't.

Honor roll; I'm so proud. Honor roll; amazing. Honor roll; I love you. Honor roll; you’re the best.

Middle school was a long time ago, but I remember the love that came with being there. Everyone was always so proud of you. That's your favorite thing to hear. It inspires you to keep going because your hard work is recognized and appreciated, but it all stopped. No one is proud anymore.

The constant state of disappointment became your state of being. So, what does one do when they run out of external validation? You have to look for it within yourself.

I’m not my own number one fan. I think that’s okay for now. As humans we all crave a bit of validation from those we care about, an “I’m proud of you” or a “nice job” could make or break a person if we’re being honest.

The problem is that you only really have yourself at the end of the day. So, I know I don’t like you too much, but I hope one day I will. I just kind of have to stick around until that day comes.

It’s not only because I deserve it. I don’t think anyone deserves to be quite this upset with themselves. Regardless of what I believe right now, I know I'm no exception.

It’s also out of spite. As a big “f*ck you” to all of the teachers who thought I was a lost cause. To all of the therapists who thought I wasn’t worth their time. To the “friends” who didn’t stick around long enough to see me succeed. I owe it to myself to be my best self, out of spite to the universe and everything it has put me through.

I think you just kind of owe it to yourself to love yourself just as much as anyone else is capable of loving you. We’ll get there one day. Until then, I'll keep us alive, but you have to do the rest. Change for me, it’s the best way to grow.

Special note: This assignment was based off of Love Letter To Myself by Afghan feminist and human rights activist Noorjahan Akbar. Noorjahan has led protests for human rights across Afghanistan and launched the website called Free Women Writers.

All names and identities on CA GENERALS have been protected for privacy.

#self love #confidence #self esteem #liberation #individualism #mental health #family #high achievers #mentorship #feminism #mom #grandmother #father #resilience #empowerment #growth

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247liveculture · 11 months

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JT launches ‘No Bars Reform,’ a transformative initiative supporting formerly incarcerated women as they reintegrate into society.

#JT #No Bars Reform #criminal justice reform #mentorship programs #affordable housing #mental health support

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knitmeapony · 1 year

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Look, I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this but this show was all about breaking cycles.

Rebecca could have become another wealthy owner, utterly embittered, much more interested in hurting those around them to keep themselves up than to actually finding any happiness in the world. Instead she became her own person, found several families, embraced them all, and gave back in a way that helped most of them.

Nate could have learned that lashing out and repression were at least an outlet for his frustrations, he could have followed in Rupert's footsteps and become a miserable jackass. Instead by accepting the kindness and Grace of other people he started over, found love, and came home.

Keeley could have become a lot like her friend, never recognizing her inherent talents, slowly panicking as she aged, abandoned by the Machine by the time she was 30. She could have seen other women as enemies or at least combatants, but instead she found better friendship and mentorship and began to pass it on to others as she bettered her own life.

Roy's endless cycle of rage and hurting himself and pushing himself too hard to return could have literally killed him. He could have been like any number of Aging athletes whose life ends at 35. Instead he has a new career in a place that he loves, and he is finding ways to improve his mental health and open up.

Jamie could have been just another celebrity douchebag, possibly even sinking into the alcoholism that was taking his father. Just as much as keely, he was often seen as only as good as his physical fitness and his body, but he went back and read the books, he learned tactics, he learned to accept help and to give help and he became 10 times the man and 10 times the player that he was at the beginning. his career could have flamed out young but he got his second chance and he gave his father a second chance in turn.

And Ted, oh god Ted. his father made the ultimate selfish choice. He decided if he couldn't be perfect and he couldn't be everything he would be nothing. He would rather absent himself from his son's life then be there for him in whatever ways he could. Ted could have been happy in england. Ted could have had an incredible career. But Henry would not have had a father. How many times did people remind us that parents are responsible for the ways they fuck up their children during this show? Every other fucking episode, another way to point out that there are cycles of failure and frustration and psychological damage that get passed down from generation to generation. He broke that cycle, over and over. He didn't pin Michelle down into an unhappy marriage. They split up, and were both happier for it. He chose to put his son first, to not abandon him. He can have an incredible career anywhere in the world with a season like that. But he can't be in Henry's life the way he wants to be from six time zones away.

This isn't denigrating people who by necessity are long distance parents. But I would be willing to bet that if you asked any of those long distance parents if, given the choice, they would move back to be close to their kids? I'm willing to bet you pretty much every single one of them would say fuck yes, I want to hug them in the morning and tuck them in bed at night. I want to go to their soccer games and see their art shows.

Ted chose to be sincerely and honestly present in Henry's life. I don't think he's getting back with Michelle, he's not going back for a marriage. He's going home to be a father and I think his father would be proud.

#ted lasso

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advicebymeforyou-blog · 2 months

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That moment you stop fighting to stay where you’re no longer respected, or valued … God agrees with you. 🙏💗🙏

#respect #value #high standards #know your worth #lifelessons #life #life coaching #womenempowerment #mental health services #mentorship #love quotes #fyp #singles #couples

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cosmereplay · 2 months

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Kaladin Didn’t Invent Therapy (And Why That’s Actually Great)

“...You need someone to talk to, Noril, when the darkness is strong. Someone to remind you the world hasn’t always been this way; that it won’t always be this way.” “How do you … know this?” Noril asked. “I’ve felt it,” Kaladin said. “Feel it most days.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

I’m writing as someone with a background in psychotherapy and peer support, and I'm bursting with excitement about one of my favourite topics. You can imagine why I love Kaladin’s arc in Rhythm of War so much! I actually yelled out loud when I read some of these parts the first time.

I’ve seen people online saying and making jokes that Kaladin invents therapy, and while that could eventually be true, what Kaladin actually invented in RoW is mental health peer support. Psychotherapy as most people would understand it simply doesn’t exist yet on Roshar. However, peer support is a legitimate modality for healing on its own merits. Even more importantly for the story, peer support is something Kaladin would personally really benefit from, and it fits his narrative arc way better than therapy would.

1. Therapy as we know it won’t exist for a while yet.

“We need to study their responses, use an empirical approach to treatment instead of just assuming someone who has suffered mental trauma is permanently broken.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy “Someone needs to talk to them, try different treatments, see what they think works. What actually helps.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

Obviously, Kaladin has not been educated in battle shock or melancholia or any other diagnosis. In Alethkar there's hardly any knowledge to be had on the subject. Even now in real life, research into effective interventions for various diagnoses is still ongoing, over 100 years after modern therapy was founded.

Building an empirical knowledge base* will take time, not to mention the years it will take to train new therapists across Roshar in how to provide interventions specific to various issues. Therapy as we know it today generally includes time in mentorship with another therapist, so in a way, the first therapist isn't a therapist. 😅 In the meantime, there are people who need help today, including Kaladin.

Peer support can fill that gap because its knowledge base is different. Peers bring their expertise, which is their years of trial and error, successes and failures - their lived experience. Peer facilitators need to know the basics of managing a group, and they have to be willing to share their own experiences and learn from the group. Thus, training peer leaders is relatively quick, and incredibly scalable and adaptable across cultures and many issues/diagnoses.

2. Peer Support is a distinct path to recovery that doesn’t require an expert in therapy.

Kaladin located six men in the sanitarium with similar symptoms. He released them and got them working to support each other. He developed a plan, and showed them how to share in ways that would help...Today they sat in seats on the balcony outside his clinic. Warmed by mugs of tea, they talked. About their lives. The people they’d lost. The darkness. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding “While you can’t force it, having someone to talk to usually helps. You should be letting him meet with others who feel like he does.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25, Devotary of Mercy

Kaladin is already positioning himself to align with the values of peer support. Some of these values overlap with therapy, such as dignity, respect, inclusion, hope, and trust. What makes peer support different is a particular emphasis on equal relationships, self-determination, and personal growth (Peer Support Canada, 2022).

In peer support, the group facilitator is not considered an authority like a therapist would be. A peer leader may be further on the road to recovery, but they may not be. They are expected to listen and grow just like any other group member.

Because the leader of the group is also a learner, peer support groups tend to be more collaborative and open-ended. Everyone in the group has something they can take out of it and something to give. Everyone in the group is responsible for managing their own self care, and everyone in the group is responsible for the direction of their own growth. This is different from most therapy groups, which often have a specific focus or goal that the therapist is responsible for implementing. And speaking of responsibility...

3. Peer Support Fits Kaladin’s Narrative Arc Better than Therapy

At his father’s recommendation—then insistence—Kaladin took it slowly, confining his initial efforts to men who shared similar symptoms. Battle fatigue, nightmares, persistent melancholy, suicidal tendencies. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding …he’d learned—these last few months—that his battle shock could take many forms. He was getting to where he could confront it. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 39 Invasion

I think everyone can agree that Kaladin needs to participate in therapy just as much as the other battle-shocked men he finds in the Devotary of Mercy.

However, in therapy, the focus is solely on the needs of the clients. A therapist should not be distracted by their own issues (when this happens, it’s called countertransference). Further, therapy is generally framed such that the therapist is the only expert in the room, which means therapists have a higher level of responsibility for how the clients are doing (which varies depending on the issue, the therapy modality, and the circumstances).

In his own recovery, Kaladin is working on trying to take less responsibility for others, so setting him up as a therapeutic authority could be harmful for him. In a position of authority, he might be tempted to replicate the hierarchical structure he was in before (which would impede his own growth), or try to save everyone (which could impede everyone's growth). He simply doesn’t have the mentorship or knowledge base he'd need to work through those issues before leading as an expert.

In contrast, the point of peer support is the mutual sharing of lived experience. The group facilitator is expected to share their own struggles (as a model of recovery), and allow others to support them. In the context of a more balanced power dynamic, Kaladin can give the other group members the space they need to grow, and he can pursue his own recovery without feeling like he’s letting others down. Also, he will be able to leave the group during KOWT without worrying that the group won't be able to run without him. Everyone in the group carries some responsibility for each other, so group members can come and go with less stress than a change in therapist would cause in group therapy.

This is the beauty of peer support. It can happen anywhere people with similar experiences get together. No formal education is required. What is required is a willingness to know yourself as well as you can; to share your experiences; to listen to others tell their stories; to question your own assumptions as you learn how others handle things differently; to look out for each other's safety; to care.

Peer support creates a place of belonging and a community repository of shared wisdom. Kaladin almost had it on Bridge Four, but his position of authority wouldn’t allow him to grow the way he needed. Peer support is what Kaladin needs - he needs a place where he can take off his armour among people who get it because they're struggling with similar issues, and without having a position of responsibility over them. When he (eventually**) attends the groups, they help him grow!

Anyway, that's why Kaladin didn’t invent therapy, and why I think that's great.

For the men chatting together softly, the change was in being shown sunlight again. In being reminded that the darkness did pass. But perhaps most important, the change was in not merely knowing that you weren’t alone—but in feeling it. Realizing that no matter how isolated you thought you were, no matter how often your brain told you terrible things, there were others who understood. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding

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*Funny enough, empirical research could lead Rosharan researchers right back to peer support. Empirical research on Earth has shown that modern therapy and peer support have similar levels of effectiveness (for example, for depression and PTSD).

**Look who’s resisting attending the groups he founded…KALADIN!! (shakes fist in the general direction of the sky) (This is the most relatable passage for me in this whole book, by the way, helper types unite lmao):

Kaladin looked down at the table. Had it? Had talking to Noril helped? “He’s been avoiding joining in,” Teft said. “I haven’t,” Kaladin snapped. “I’ve been busy.” Teft gave him a flat stare. Storming sergeants. They always heard the things you weren’t saying. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 38 Rhythm of the Terrors

Peer Support Canada. (2022). Peer Support Core Values. Accessed from https://peersupportcanada.ca/ Jun 27, 2022.

#I shared this on reddit a while ago but it got archived so here #enjoy #this is not an april fools thing this is just bad timing on my part #kaladin stormblessed #rhythm of war #row spoilers #kaladin didn't invent therapy #peer support #stormlight archive #the stormlight archive #stormlight essay #stormlight meta #god i love kaladin so much

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artofchira · 7 months

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As someone else who's in the process of burning out just surviving, and has lost sight of why I enjoyed art in the first place, would you be willing to share some of the things you've tried to get back on your feet? Super glad that you're doing so much better, btw.

First: It's actually become a job for me to help artists reconnect to their art through my mentorship workshop with everything I have learned, and I consider myself very good at it. I've been doing it for about 4 years now. If you or any other artist would like direct help with recovering from burn out please check out the service page of my website and testimonials from previous clients.

To answer your question:

A lot of my own personal stabilization just came as a result of wanting the experience of making art to be comfortable. It wasn't a choice anymore. After my father passed I relaxed for about 3 months -- longest I went without drawing in my life since I started freelancing -- and when I sat back at my desk I just couldn't make myself work under the same pressure. I'd try to force myself to draw and it made me want to cry instead. I quickly learned I could only create if I felt comfortable and drawing felt gentle, so I had to accept moving forward if I wanted to continue being as productive as before I needed to find a way of working that eliminated stress or using will power, which means working in a way that was renovated from the ground up. I couldn't go back. How I was making art was over. I needed it to be repaired. I had no idea what that looked like, so it was truly trial and error.

A fact about me is I have a very high sensory/pain threshold naturally (I also recently learned I was autistic over the pandemic, imagine that has something to do with it) so I've always been historically bad at ignoring my physical limitations because I rarely felt them unless my body broke down on me, and when it did I treated myself with annoyance and forced myself to work through it. I'm talking like no sleeping for 3-4 days straight, or coming home after a kidney stone to finish a comic page still shaky on pain and morphine and then feeling bad at myself for being lazy. To say my old work habits were highly self abusive is an understatement. So when I started addressing everything that was an inconvenience and uncomfortable, it ended up correcting everything I was ignoring or failed to consider a problem until it was past due.

To cut a long story short, a list of material changes to my life that improved my health:

I got medicated, finally. I'm extremely bipolar. Always have been. Drawing between periods of oscillating between feeling divinely invincible vs ideating suicide every waking moment vastly became easier to manage.

I got glasses. I'm farsighted, but it was never a problem for me since I could see fine -- ooor so I thought. Turns out when you're farsighted you're focusing constantly without even realizing it. Turns out getting glasses gave me 80% of my mental space back so I suddenly had more energy, generally more awake, and more focused. No one talks about farsightedness so I had absolutely no idea I was burning myself out physically just being able to see. Worth mentioning!

Started seeing a massage therapist and a chiropractor regularly. I always thought of those things as luxuries, not necessities. Which was extremely stupid. Maintaining my physical body through directly working out kinks in it became something like brushing my teeth or showering -- it's just something you do to make sure health and hygiene isn't making you dysfunctional and rotting you. My body no longer breaks down.

For the same reasons as above, maintained seeing my therapist regularly even if I felt fine or had no issues to work out. I realized I was always quick to end support as soon as I felt I didn't need it anymore (again treating it as a luxury) so making the space in my life for mental/emotional check ins kept my head organized. My therapist is bewildered by me and has no idea what to do with me because she feels she's not doing anything. I just tell her by me making the space for me to explain myself at all, even if all I was doing was describing how I was fine, was the help. She's great.

Got a cappuccino machine. May seem stupid but being able to make gourmet coffees from my kitchen every morning really genuinely improved my life and mind more than getting medicated.

Got a dog. He's amazing. I love him. Very warm and loving companion, and such a gentle soul. He keeps me out of my head and gets me prioritizing walks every day, so my vitamin D intake increased massively. I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for 3 days straight in my depressive episodes anymore. I have to make the effort to leave it at least twice a day to walk and feed him and play with him. Like most people, I'm terrible at prioritizing for myself but will move worlds for those I love no matter where I'm at.

For personal habits I just reflected a lot on why I felt I had to will myself to draw when drawing is something I love doing most. It made no sense to resent doing what you devote yourself to doing. I changed -- and still changing -- my mental framing in how I think of working on art for it to be something I'm eager to do, not obligated to.

Hope this was educational.

#ask box answers #Personal

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