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simpsiren · 3 years

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the ukiyo standalone;

park jisung x reader

Jisung is everyone’s joy and prized possession. Being the youngest of his friend group and with his child-like nature, he’s certainly the one that everyone favours. He’s adorable, innocent, pure. You would think he’s well known in college but in actuality, he’s pretty hidden, living his life in the shadow of his friends. He didn’t mind it really. He didn’t need to feel the crowd prying their eyes into his business like his friends, which was why he actually isn’t seen with them often in the first place, he didn’t need to stand out.

genre. fluff, angst, emotional, heart warming aNd heart breaking

word count. 20k~

description. In this current fast pace world, there was never really a time I could take a break. I did choose this path as a lawyer major knowing I would be drowning myself with papers every single night and pulling all-nighters for an inhumane number of days. As much as I want or even need to rest, I never could. This was the path I’ve chosen. And my pride was too high to let myself stop the grind. That is until I made a mistake of calling an unknown number who belonged to a guy named Jisung at the campus library. I thought he was a waste of time till I realised he showed me to slow down, not having to force my body to move with the world’s speed, to be my ukiyo; my floating world.

!as they should masterlist!

Jisung liked doing social experiments. It was practically his side hobby, something he’d do when there wasn’t anything important on his to-do list. He was simply interested at how the students at his campus would react upon weird occurrences around them. It got students talking whenever he did something, the fact that they didn’t know it was his doing is one of the reasons why he does it in the first place.

On this particular night, where Jisung was staring out of his window from his study table that was directly in front of it, giving the clearest view of the stars and especially the bright moon that reflected its light through his cracked open window and onto his study table, he was wondering about what to do next. What would get people to feel weirded out. What would get them to react a certain way.

When an idea came to mind, the light bulb hovering over his head switched on, the gears began to turn. It wasn’t the most brilliant idea, but it could go both ways. Either the students don’t bother even taking in their surroundings to notice it, or suffer the loss of not getting help. Jisung’s a dance major but he liked doing these projects for the fun of it so might as well. Jisung peeled off a random piece of sticky note from the stack with his other stationeries. Clicking his pen, he immediately went to writing.

When times you aren’t feeling fine, just call this number. I’ll try to be available 24/7.

Jisung frowned slightly and tilted his head. If he were to paste his numbers all over the school, he would probably be bombarded with calls every two seconds. It also didn’t make sense for him to be available 24/7. Clearly that was impossible. His frown deepened. He thought for a long moment, trying to phrase a sentence that was more suitable for what he wanted to do. With a smack of his lips and an unsure hiss, he grabbed a new sticky note and started again.

Glad you came to notice this note laying wherever you are in the library. Feeling stressed? Need someone to talk to? Simply need a friend? My number’s below. You don’t have to know who I am. I’m just here to help you out, mentally I guess. I’m available from 1PM-3AM. Call whenever you feel the need to. Have a nice day :D (don’t worry I’m not some stalker or whatever i’m just a bored student here)

Jisung clicked his pen against the table to close it, his eyes scanning over his words, which might he add was beautifully written, like calligraphy. Jisung couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that thought. He threw the pen off to the side and went to his printer with the sticky note, now moving on to making copies. He wanted to copy a reasonable number, not too little till no one noticed or too many till it was extremely obvious, but well enough for him to get at least a small chance of getting a response. With a number in mind, he began printing.

The next day, he went for his lecture in the morning. He preferred having the morning lectures just so he could spend the rest of his day doing whatever. And on today’s agenda was the pasting of his notes. With the weight of his bag pulling his shoulders and back down, he wished he could go back to the dorms right now and start of his assignment but he wanted to settle this first.

He entered the library. It wasn’t too crowded. Students were fairly spaced apart from each other in the study area, sparse. Some students were at shelves. With his hands still shoved into the pockets of his black Adidas jacket, he make his way over to a random study table. He needed to do this quick to avoid suspicion. But why would students notice anyway? They had their heads digged into whatever work that was incomplete.

Jisung slowed himself down and took out the a note from the small file he had in his bag along woth a large clear tape role. He had to put his bag down, searching for the scissors. He cut a reasonable amount of tape after placing the note in the bottom right corner and placed it over top, sealing the note onto the table. Jisung back away for a moment, taking a long look at it. It was small, but still noticeable. With a satisfied shrug, he went on to do the same for some other tables, even going to bookshelves and randomly pasting them anywhere he wished.

What he didn’t know, was that he was being watch.

I had my brain wrapped around this essay for who knows how long now. Hours, days. Having to redo my research for the fith time was about to have my head spinning till it lolled, out of energy and brain power to hold up. I stared down at the notes scattered all over. The table was a huge mess, loosing track of how many pages I’ve flipped and how many articles I read online, as well as time of course. I sighed quietly, leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting to rest them for a brief moment.

When my eyelids opened back, I couldn’t help but notice the person that had been hovering around the study tables for far too long. It was distracting, watching him move from table to table at the corner of my eye. And though my attention had been on my papers, he was still to be seen in my peripheral vision. I blinked my eyes rapidly and shook my head, refusing to let a small matter tick me off to the point where I wasn’t able to do my work.

I straightened my back and adjusted my shoulders. Closing back my eyes, I took in a deep breath, chest puffing up as I gave myself a determined nod. I shot my eyes back open and with full exhilaration running through my veins, I got back to work, shutting the world out so it was just me and my work, wanting to get it done and over with.

Again I lost track of time, but in a much more productive way than how I was in the morning. I didn’t have classes today, making full use of my free time on my work. I pressed the final key on my keyboard, ending my essay with an exhale of satisfaction. I leaned back into the seat, throwing my head back till it went past the backrest. I placed my hands on the arms of the chair, and it was then did I realise that the library was extremely quiet.

I took in my surroundings, slow scanninv my eyes over the library. It was already dark, some areas pitch black while other were visible with the help of the moonlight shining through the windows. It was only the light at my study table that illuminated the area around with a orange hue. I didn’t mind being the inly one here, but sometimes it felt eerily quiet, like tonight. I grabbed my phone that was shoved into my bag. Lifting it up in front of me, the lockscreen showed itself, as well as the ungodly hour blaring at me.

“Three in the morning? How did I even...” I tilted my head slowly in awe, surpised at just how time flew by when I was immersed in completing my assignment. I read through my essay, having to close my eyes halfway due to how bright the screen of my laptop was. I was scanning through the first paragraph when I immediately went to shut down, already too tired to have one last scan through and making the mental decision of doing it tomorrow.

I packed up immediately, the thought of my bed and sleeping now being the number one priority. I shoved all my things in my tote bag, slinging it on my right shoulder. I was already taking off, a mere few steps away from the exit when I saw something shining at the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned on my heel to the study table. Slowly, my eyes trailed to the bottom right corner where the source of my pause came from. Turned out it was simply the light reflected of a tape. But upon further inspection, I went closer noticing it wasn’t just tape, but a note.

I read it over, having to brush some strands of hair behind my ear that was annoyingly covering the note. I quirked an eyebrow in a questioning manner, leaning back to my standing form once I was done reading, yet my eyes were glued to the impressively written note. “Who gives out their number just like that?” I couldn’t help but wonder under my breath. Too tired to even register any more information, I let this weird occurrence slid out of my mind, continuing to make my way out of the library and back to my dorm where I instantly fell asleep with no second thoughts.

The next day I got up, the light shining through the small holes of my curtain blinding me awake. I searched for my phone under my pillow, plugging out its charger while I scrolled through my social media, specifically Twitter. The first thing that popped up on my timeline was a tweet from the campus’s very own account. No one knows who it was made by, but you can bet that whoever they are has their eyes everywhere around the school, tweeting about the latest gossips or news around campus grounds. Today’s one sparked a memory from last night.

Someone’s at it again stirring up the attention of our students by having their number out in the open for everyone to see in our library. Was there more to it than just wanting to offer help through call service?

I scoffed, glancing away for a moment before retrieving my gaze back to my phone. “Do they actually want people calling them?” I asked myself while scrolling my thumb up to look at the other tweets below. It did come to my attention that night, now picturing the note in my mind. I didn’t remember the number, but it was there, and something about it was drawing the curiosity in me to find out more. With a grunt I shot myself out of bed, getting ready to head to the library again to study.

I hadn’t expected how much time would pass by just from me studying. I’ve been in the library for almost a full day. I was being sent on an emotional roller coaster ride. Some hours being a breeze as I studied the easiest topics, while others had me wanting to rip my hair off my scalp from trying to shove all the information in my brain when it felt like it was at its full capacity. I wasn’t myself today. I kept looking at my phone that was a distraction, which was something I never did at all while studying. I was off the edge.

With exams coming up in a month’s time, I knew I was studying too much too early. But I always had to stick to my life motto. “Get it done and over with.” I muttered to myself. But tonight, at one in the morning, my body and mind couldn’t register any more information. I couldn’t. I was tired, exhausted. Drained. The stress came barreling in full force and I hated how I was making myself feel this way by always being on edge and doing things too fast to keep up with everything else in life.

Wanting to clear my head, I began gathering some of my notes, stacking them up to the clean the table that was in a huge mess. My eyes have grown used to this sight, but I was simply cleaning for the sake of procrastinating and putting off the desire to complete aoother topic. When I was done cleaning one section of the table, something struck my attention. I looked to the bottom right corner of the table. And there it was. The note that’s been in the hidden folds of my mind when I pushed them back to focus on studying.

My eyes went from left to right, specifically at the number since I’ve remembered the note unusually vividly. “Should I?” I whispered. I looked around, no one was to be seen. Weird, since I’d usually see at least one student here despite the late hour. I exhaled softly, letting the cold air that circulated around me in the night cool my skin while I picked up my phone from the table and keyed in the number. I wasn’t thinking about what I was getting myself into. At this point, I was already overloaded with my studies that I was malfunctioning, clearly not thinking straight.

I placed the phone up to my ear, leaning forward and letting my upper body rest against the table while I placed my chin in the palm of my free hand. The ringing went on for five times, and I was about to hang up when I heard the sound of the phone being picked up. “Hey. Who’s this?” It was a guy. Could it be the one that I saw lurking around that day? I gulped and cleared my throat, opening my mouth and letting out an “Uh..” while trying to figure out what to say. “Your number is here. One the study table at the library.” I simply said, wondering what he’ll respond with.

Sudden shuffles could be heard. It went on for a brief moment till he exclaimed, “Oh! Right, right. Hey! I’m at your service, what do you need?” His voice sounded dry and coarse, like he had forgotten to drink water before he slept. Was he sleeping and picked up while he’s half asleep? I ran a hand through my hair, adjusting to get comfortable. “A listening ear. That’s all I need.” I murmured through the speaker. I had to let it all out. And it came to the point where I’d rather actually talk to a stranger about my problems than anyone I knew. But that’s how we all are nowadays, right? Too self conscious and simply wanting to put on an act for the whole world.

“Go on. I’m all ears.” He replied back, sounding attentive and somewhat interested. I didn’t want to think much of it. He was clearly like this to everyone else who called for “his service”. Being receptive and responsive. Kind and willing. That’s what he sounded like. The first person to actually say something that felt like all those things at once, to me.

“Do...” I trailed off, shaking my head and wondering what I even wanted to say in the first place. I smacked my lips. “Don’t you just feel tired? Of like the whole world. Everything and everyone around you. You’re tired physically and emotionally.” He hummed in response. “Of course I do. A lot of people feel that.” I scoffed softly, biting my bottom lip. “Yes but, the other thing that’s making me tired... is myself. I have this habit of just overloading my brain with lots of things. It feel as if I’m making myself stress on purpose.” I couldn’t help but chuckle weakly as the words left my lips.

“I always wanted to the best I could be. And that led to me just grinding and grindinv everyday with no end. I barely get to sleep, and even if I did. I’ll wake up and the whole cycle will repeat itself. I fucking hate that I’m in this loop. But I chose to be here. I can’t break out.” My voice began to crack. It took me awhile to realise that I was crying till my tears fell on the papers and made its mark by crinkling the paper while it soaked up my tears. I blotched them off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Hey, if-”

“And don’t.” I cut him off instantly before he could even utter another word. “Don’t tell me other people are going through the same thing.” I shut my eyes close, heaving a slow and heavy sigh. “I know. Everyone in my major goes through the same process. I’m weak. Even though I try to act like I’m the best student. My tolerance level can go down the drain for all I care.” I paused for a moment, mentally telling himt to resume whatever he wanted to say but knew he couldn’t read my mind.

But from the pause he knew what it meant and picked it up quickly, clearing his throat. “I was about to say if you want to cry, you can. I can tell that you’re holding it in and I don’t even need to see you.” I sniffled, the feeling of wanting to burst into tears again came about, rising in my body and making my chest clench. “It’s okay.” As if on cue, I screamed, cried, poured it all out. I threw my phone down, the call still on as I wailed into my palms, pressing my face against them. I’ve never had such a breakdown in months, simply shoving it to the back of my mind and kept ignoring it till it came out like this. A full blown terror.

I wanted to talk, yet my mouth couldn’t form any words. All that came out were sniffles as I calmed myself down. “I don’t really have much to say on this. And you probably don’t even want to hear me talk but you should take a break. Really. Just one day. You need it. Because you seriously don’t sound okay.” I couldn’t help but breathe out a short laugh, a very weak and effortless one. “I never thought of that, Captain Obvious.” I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking through for a brief moment.

He chuckle on the other end of the line. “You thought of it but didn’t put it into action.” He stated, sounding slightly firm. “Yes.” I admitted dryly. A few beats of silence passed, I could hear his breathing, calm and soothing. “I think I should, um, go now?” It was suppose to be a statement but due to me trying to recover from my mess, it came out as a question. I could hear him licking his lips. “Yes of course. Oh and hey.” “Yeah?”

“Do you need help with that rest day of yours?” I didn’t reply, giving it a long throught. “I probably won’t even be doing it.” I said through a sigh, beginning to pack up my things to head out of the library. “But you should. Actually, you will. I want to make sure of it.” I couldn’t help but furrow my eyebrows at his unexpected tone of determination. “Don’t you have other people to attend to for your call service?” I questioned.

“You’re actually the first one.” I could tell he was feeling rather embarrassed, letting out a tight laugh after his statement. “And I don’t even know who you are.” I was now walking out of the library, phone still to the ear while I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder. “For starters, I’m a dance major. I’d like to mostly keep my identity hidden for now. Unless you want to meet.”

I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly, somewhat in disbelief. “You want to meet?” I echoed his question back to him, head tilted mere degrees to the side. “Well I have to make sure you have that rest day of yours. How can I when I don’t meet you?” I chuckled softly, the corner of my lips perking up. “I’ll think about it. At least I have your number now.”

“Always at your service, miss. Have a good night.”

With that, the call ended. I didn’t realisd just how much time passed by simply talking to him. It went by so fast. It was already getting pretty late by the time I checked my phone for the time. I made my way back to the dorm, the cold breeze of the night kissing my skin gently and blowing strands of hair into my face that I had to brush off. I looked up to the sky, for once the world was quiet, at rest, and just for these few hours, I had always admired how I could breathe the freedom of mere minutes while I went to the dorm.

Yet, while admiring the ink black sky, the conversation I had with the call service guy resonated in my head, I laughed at how weird it was, pouring all that I’ve bottled up till now to someone who was of no significance to me. He probably won’t even remember we had this conversation, only passing it on as his first service call. He was also only doing his job, simply being there for me to talk. Why was I even taking this seriously? I could never rest. I could never take a break. I always had moments like these to treasure at heart before I awaken to everything going full speed yet again.

I walked to the lecture hall, watching students happily walking on campus with their friends with the sky a mix of blue and white. It was a regular day. Hopefully, if I didn’t have any assignment and I could focus on studying.

Just then, a whole ton of screaming could be heard, but it was muffled and drowned out due to how far I was from the source. But it sounded horrendous. As if a boy band had just entered the campus and send billions of fangirls to their way. I wanted to continue walking but the squeals of excitement got louder and closer to me. I turned my head to the back. “Ah... why didn’t I think about that?”

There’s the group of guys again. Too popular for their own good. Everyone was shouting their names, swooning over each one of them. I wonder how they didn’t find having to deal with that annoying. Or perhaps it was just an act. I backed away from the hallway to watch them strut by casually, the group of girls following closely behind. But just then, for a brief moment, a guy wearing a black adidas jacket walked past me, mutttering “I really shouldn’t have followed you guys today.” He rolled his eyes and went out of sight. I turned my head to the right, where I could now see his back. He looked petite yet lean, with orange hair of a natural tone, the under part of it being black. What stood out to me the most was his adidas jacket. Wasn’t that the one from the library?

“Do you guys actually go through that every single day?” Jisung groaned out finally taking a breath of fresh air as they entered the room, feeling as if he got swallowed by all the attention throughout their trip to the playroom. Mark picked up a basketball from the side and began bouncing it casually to the couch where the rest were getting settled. “Today’s especially crazy because it’s our group’s anniversary.” Jisung gave an unimpressed look. “Do you think I don’t know that?” He shrugged in a blasé, god-could-care sort of way.

“How’s your call service thing going? We know it’s was your doing. My timeline’s blowing up about it this whole time.” Jeno questioned. Jisung sat at the corner of the couch. placing his forearm on the armrest and leaning his body to it. “Funny how it’s all girls and they all talked about how they couldn’t get you guys to notice them. It always had something to do with one of you.” Jisung laughed carelessly, remembering back the calls he’d been receiving throughout today. Jisung tried his best to suppress his laughter to not sound rude. Even if Jisung found it ridiculous, he wasn’t in the place to say anything about it. His call service was meant for him to console the people who called, no matter the situation he was being told.

However, another thought that came to focus was the call that he specifically had late in the night. It was his first call. And whoever that girl was, she certainly made an impression on Jisung. How she was letting it all out, being free enough to tell someone like him about such deep feelings. It was raw and transparent. The conversation never left his mind. Jisung zinged back to attention when he heard Haechan scoff loudly. He turned to him, seeing him leaned back, shoulders and back relaxed and cool while he had his weight placed on his leg and his arms folded. He then clicked his tongue and said, “Not surprised.” nonchalantly, clearly showing that he was already used to the large amount of girls swooning over him through his voice.

“So are you guys free tonight? We could take a break and hang out.” Everyone nodded their heads followed by hums filling the room signaling that everyone agreed, except for Jisung. “Jisung, you in?” Renjun asked. Jisung took in a deep breath, glancing sideways and giving it a thought. He slowly shook his head. “Why? Are you busy?” Chenle asked quizzically. “Have an assignment.” Jisung blurted out, though he had other reasons.

The rest planned to head out together after spending time in the playroom. Jisung was left in his dorm, pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other, eyes looking to his phone each time to turned. What was he waiting for? He wanted to ask himself, as if he didn’t already knew the answer. He was so drawn in to her. The way she spoke, the honesty in her voice. It’s as if he didn’t even need to look at her to know how she was moving and what she was doing.

Jisung scratched his head furiously and on the edge of his bed heavily, grabbing his phone and letting it sit in hand loosely. “She wouldn’t call again, would she? But I did imply that she could meet me if she wanted to. She might not even call again.” Jisung muttered to himself constantly, hopping from one possibility to another, raising his hopes up and bringing them back down. Jisung groaned loudly in frustration.

“Why am I even...” Jisung threw his phone to his bed and stood up again with a grunt, wanting to resume his assignment that was almost finished. All it took was one call to have him this tangled and have his mind wrapped around a simple phone call. Worst part is he didn’t even knew if he could ever see her. He could only depend on his chances and luck that she’d want to contact him again.

This time I decided to study in my dorm, too lazy to go down to the library. It wasn’t the best environment to study. My bed was literally mere inches away from my study table, constantly wanting to pull me into throwing myself on it and shut out each time I looked at it. It was a bad decision to have my room planned out like that, but I was too lazy to move it. I tapped the end of my pen against the table rapidly, my mind going black as I simply stared at a random spot on the wall. I wasn’t having the adrenaline to do my work today. I was simply doing it for the sake of doing it, not having a clear goal.

I turned to my phone, being a remembrance of my call with the service guy. I had thought about it the whole day, whether I should give him a call. But I was overthinking it. What if he’s busy? What if he had other people’s call to deal with? All sorts of questions popped up, but after giving it a long thought, I flipped my phone screen faced down harshly, shaking my head vigorously and tensing my hands on my scalp.

“Concentrate.” I stated out boldly to myself right smack in the face. I repeated the same word as I got ready to resume my studying. I couldn’t be thinking about a mere call. It was just a call. One time I let out my now spilled out feelings. I was empty now, so there shouldn’t be a need for another call. I could continue what I always did.

Jisung’s friends had been realising how he’s been zoning out more often than usual. And he wasn’t as outwardly as he had always been. They pampered him a lot and treated him like their own child. But there was something that made Jisung feel different around them. Jaemin nudged Jisung in the elbow, making him jolt to sit up right in shock and shooting his head to Jaemin. “Huh?” Jisung let out.

“Have you been okay lately? You seem to have something on your mind often.” Jaemin asked, his eyes scanning the room and seeing the rest of their friends minding their own businesses. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head. “You sure?” Jisung puffed up his cheeks and let the air out through a sigh. “You know my call service?” Jisung began, he knew Jaemin would recognise the slightest change in Jisung’s behaviour. Everyone did, that was how much they cared about him. But Jaemin was the first one to bring it up so might as well. Everyone will know eventually.

Jaemin hummed in response. “My first call. It was very late into the night when. It’s a girl. And hers, was different than the rest I’ve received. As she talked, I felt that she was hiding nothing from me. That she was letting it all out for me to hear, not caring about who I was.” Jisung whispered. “I felt her desperation, her cries of help. Though she said she’ll manage it somehow, I got the feeling that she wouldn’t be able to. That she’ll crumble the more she continued.” Jaemin nodded his head slowly, processing Jisung’s words. “And so?”

“I mentioned to her that if she ever needed a call, she could do so. Or better if we meet. But she never called. And I don’t know who she is, which is what’s been on my mind. The frustration that she made such an impact yet I haven’t found out who she is.” Jaemin puckered his lips and looked upwards thoughtfully. “Did she mention anything about herself? Her major, or anything?” Jisung recalled their conversation that was etched in his mind. Jisung frowned and shook his head.

“What time did she call?” “One or two in the morning?” Jaemin gasped in disgust. “Who the hell-”

“Law and psychology students.” Jeno suddenly came into the conversation seamlessly and casually. Jisung leaned back and raised brows. “Really?” Jisung asked. Jeno scoffed and nodded. “They have tons of shit to study. From what Jaehyun tells me, they’re always staying up super late going through papers.” Jeno imitated a gag and a shiver in objection. “I could never.” He added.

“There’s so many students in those majors. How am I going to find her?” Jeno arched a questioning brow. “Find who?” Jisung sighed and motioned a hand to Jeno while looking at Jaemin, raising his brows for a moment. Jaemin waved a hand at Jeno when Jisung dropped his hand on his lap. “I’ll tell you guys later.” With that, Jeno shrugged mindlessly and went off. Jaemin adverted his attention back to Jisung, who looked even more discouraged than before.

“My poor baby. Listen, I’m sure you made an impression just like how she did on you. If she doesn’t call again, who knows. She might try finding you instead of giving you a call. Or you can just pray and gamble your luck. If you want, I’ll help you find her. You know my connections always come in handy.” Jaemin flashed a reassuring smile that Jisung didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, though it was smaller. “I’ll figure something out.” Jisung muttered, clicking his tongue.

I didn’t want to do this at first, but it kept bugging me the whole day, as if it was something that just had to be done by occupying my mind for almost the whole day. I walked out of the lecture hall, head scanning across the campus with my eyes wide open and attentive to find him.

From what I remembered, he said he was a performing arts major. And the only person I knew in that major was the one and only Ten, who I always saw lurking around the cafés on campus while I made my way back to the dorm. Luckily, I saw him sitting on a bench outside one of the cafés, munching on something while he played his phone. I instantly ran up to him, feeling a sense of hope rising while I accidentally poked Ten in the arm too hard to get his attention, causing him to wince. He looked up and recognised me, instantly flashing a welcoming smile.

“Oh, hey!” Ten shouted, his eyes forming a thin line while he waved at me with his chocolate croissant in hand. “Can I ask something briefly and perhaps even do me a favour?” I asked, slow and nervous with uncertainty. Ten raised his eyebrows quizzically. “Mm sure.” He simply replied. I exhaled and looked him in the eye. “I’m assuming you’re having your break now. Would it be possible for you to take me to your practice room? I know it’s random but I have something I need to check.”

Ten didn’t reply for a long minute, probably wondering why such a vague request came out from someone who would most likely have her time occupied almost 24/7. After waiting in anticipation, he finally shrugged and rose from the bench with a grunt. He proceeded to stretch his back, turning side to side and sighing in satisfaction. “Alright. I can take you there now.” With that, he went forward down the hall, walking as if leaving me behind. I stared at his back for a moment before quickly moving up to meet his pace.

We didn’t talk on the way there. Luckily I didn’t have to worry about us being awkward since the walk from the cafés to the practice room was only a few minutes. I was looking around when I almost bumped into Ten due to his sudden stop of motion and turning to face a door. I peeked inside and I could already see the full wall mirror that I saw dancers usually use. I turned to Ten, who jerked his head to the door, motioning me to open and enter the room.

The moment I placed my hand on the door handle, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of nervousness in me, wondering if I would even find him since I have zero idea on how he looked like. The only evidence I had was the fact that I saw someone wearing an adidas jacket who I assumed to be the one I was looking for. But that was such an unreliable assumption that I knew I couldn’t fully trust, but still try to find a way to use it to my advantage either way.

I pushed the door open, instantly bombarded with hard stomps coming from the people dancing. I felt the floor shake tremendously from the intimidating impact that created. The music was blasting from the speaker in front of them, along with a bottle which I assumed to be marked as the center of the stage. I watched silently, feeling Ten’s presence behind. With a glance over my shoulder, I could tell he was eyeing the performance with much concentration and intensity, eyes squinting as if analysing each and every one of their movements to a T.

I brought my focus back on them. It didn’t take my eyes long for it to focus on one person. The adidas jacket guy. One guy was wearing it. He was also wearing a black cap, blonde hair poking out from the bottom. His figure was small yet attractively lean. I couldn’t see his face at all. Yet, I was so drawn to him. Not just because he could’ve been the one I was looking for, but the fact that his dance was engaging, and nothing compared to the rest.

They got to a moment where everyone exited and it was just him alone in the center of the room while others waited by the sidelines. My mouth gaped open slightly, watching him go. His movements are seemingly perfect, every part of his body moving fluidly like water yet intricate and hard hitting. It was impactful, loud. He stood out, and I could picture the whole room going dark with a single light shining on him, and only him. I could tell he was expressing himself and giving his all. I didn’t need to have background knowledge on dance to see that in him.

The dance lasted for about five minutes, and I had my eyes locked on Adidas Jacket guy the whole time, too immersed to the point where I didn’t even feel Ten poking my shoulder. “_____?” He called out, making me blink my eyes rapidly upon hearing his voice and turning my head around. “Yeah?” Ten ruffled his hair. “They’re done. You can check whatever you need to check now.” I let out a soft, “Um...” while turning my head back to the front, eyes glazing over the room and looking for Adidas Jacket. I stood there frozen, not exactly sure what I even wanted to do in the first place.

I turned around fully to face Ten, adjusting my tote bag. “Actually, I think I’m good. I’ll go now. See you around?” It was more of a greeting than a question. But either way, Ten downshifted his head and moved his body out of my way to the door. “You too. Come more often if you’d like.” Ten smiled kindly. I simply reciprocated back the smile and walked out, not saying anything about Ten’s last comment.

At the dorm, I had my arms and legs spread out while I laid on my bed, blankly staring at the plain white ceiling while I tried to connect the dots, or even just simply having everything laid and mapped out in my mind. How was I even sure that could be him? His physique seemed to be similar from what I remembered, the jacket was another clue too. But how could I confirm it? I have yet to check the time the moment I came back, and I already knew hours had gone by.

“Who even are you?” I asked to the ceiling, directing it to the mysterious call service guy who had my mind hung up in him and having my busy life off balance.

“Who are you?” Jisung questioned silently, though it was loud enough that Renjun had to peek his head over the bunk bed to look at Jisung who was below. “What are you talking about?” Renjun asked. Jisung turned his head to the side, showing Renjun his side profile and closing his eyes with a quiet sigh. “It’s nothing.” Renjun shrugged and headed back to sleep.

Jisung had his mind on her the entire time, who could she be, how he could find her, and even where to start? He knew nothing about her. And that’s the thing. He didn’t know exactly what was making him think about her so much, it was just their call in general. He had zero information on her. And if what Jeno said was true, then he was probably thinking about going through such extend with his idea to get even a glimpse of her.

That very day once he ended his dance practice which was around evening with the sun beginning to shine brightly, he went to the library. What was his plan exactly? He wanted to wait in the library till he could find her. But how would he even know? He didn’t even know why he was doing this in the first place. He was simply placing his bet on faith and praying that the hours he was about to spend in the most dreadful place ever would not go to waste.

Not knowing what to do, he ended up huddled in a corner of the library, using the bookshelves on both sides of him to lean back and rest his head. He hated being in libraries, he hated anything to do with academics, which was why he chose to pursue his passion for dance. Though there was still dance theory, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. But being surrounded by books that offered him no information he wanted to know about had him feeling dizzy and bored to death.

He checked the time on his phone, eyes widening at how late it was. He felt his stomach squeezing, a low grumble coming from it while desperately asking for food to enter his system. He face suddenly lit up, remembering how he had leftover bread from the bread store he dropped by during his break. He instantly took it out and ate, watching the sun come down through the windows and turning the sky from blazing red to ink black, welcoming the night with the moonlight shining in.

He has yet to notice anyone that caught his eye. He started to think that he could have possibly missed his chance. What if she was here but left when Jisung had his guard down? What if she wasn’t even here to begin with? Should he just leave and not waste more time? Jisung was desperately holding onto his last string of hope, that was already fraying and could snap in a matter of seconds. Too tired of staying in one place, he decided to take a walk around the library.

Jisung went to the study area, the spot where he stood from gave him a clear view of everyone in their seats. Fair enough, there were students who looked like they were about to stay the whole night here, which made Jisung sniffled in disgust. How could anyone even put up with that much studying?

He was roaming and scanning his eyes lazily over the books tucked neatly and tightly on the shelves, taking long strides while he walked. Suddenly, his phone vibrated in his hand. He brought it up in front of him, seeing an unknown number displayed. Picking up the call, and he greeted, “Hey! Always at your service. What do you need?” in the most cheerful way he could put out. Though the exaggerated sigh he let out while picking up the call might’ve been heard from the other end.

“Um hey. I don’t think you remembered me but I’m the first one to call. You know uh, stressed out girl? Need a rest day girl?” Jisung widened his eyes at the realisation. It was her. “Uh...” He stammered, quickly bringing his phone down to take a screenshot of her number before placing it back on his ear. “Hey! How have you been? Glad you called again.” Jisung turned around to lean again the bookshelf, arms folded while he looked down.

“It’s been fine.” She replied. Jisung could already feel the uneasiness in her tone, shining through her words. “You aren’t.” Jisung stated outwardly, unintentionally sounding harsh. “Have you taken your rest day?” Jisung asked out of pure curiosity. This was the moment of lucky coincidence, one that he had to make full use of so he wouldn’t let her slip out of his grasp. “Not exactly? I’m at the library again. Had to complete a project.” Jisung’s eyes widened again, this time till his eye ball could’ve fallen out of his eye sockets.

Jisung quickly and hurriedly made his way to the study area, where he last stood. And there she was. He could feel the hairs behind his neck standing upright like soldiers with goosebumps being sent all over his body. She’s the only student there, the orange lamp illuminating the small area surrounding her. Jisung could only see her back unfortunately. Jisung would’ve ran up to her and surprised her. But something in him made him want to just admire her from afar. “You seem to be putting that rest day off? Have it tomorrow. It’s a Friday either way.” Jisung mentioned, eyes narrowing down on her back.

Jisung watched as she sighed and a ran a hand through her hair quickly, somewhat in distress. “Can you force me to?” She whispered, lowering her voice. Jisung blinked his eyes for a moment. “You want me to force you? I don’t want you feeling forced.” She chuckled through the phone, sending a shiver down Jisung’s spine. “I know I won’t do it on my own will. I’m just like that. Like I said before, I’m basically driving myself into insanity trying to keep up with my work. Always grinding, always on the edge. And I can never slip off once.”

I called on impulse. My hands couldn’t keep away from typing in the same number now permanent on the bottom right corner of the table. As I hear him speak on the other end, I weirdly felt safe, and comfort. A sense of calmness. “I’m anxious that if I shut myself from the world from one day, I’ll miss out on a lot, and just stress over it while I try getting everything done to be back on the same level.” I gulped, laughing weakly. “I’m stressing myself for no reason.”

Jisung walked from the back of the bookshelves to shift his angle of sight, attempting to get a better look of her instead of just her back. He managed to get a better view, but the side of her face was covered by her hair as she kept looking down on the table, which only made Jisung frown. “Did you consider about the meet up?” Jisung questioned, peeking his head upwards and standing on his toes, trying everything he can he get a glimpse of her without actually approaching.

“Why do you want to meet me? Hasn’t there been anyone else that called you service? You are required to comfort them too. Why am I so important that you would even want to meet me?” Jisung left a long pause. He never expected such a thought. He didn’t know how to reply either. He bit the inside of his cheek, glancing sideways as he tried to force something out, knowing that she would have already suspected something from the long silence he gave. “If I’m being honest, the other calls were boring. Calls that have only been made once. You’re the only person who called back.” Truthfully, he had many other answers, but he all got blocked out when he narrowed his eyes down at her back.

“So me stressing over my life is much more interesting than the rest? I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jisung let out a soft chuckle, taking note to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t get caught. “Sure. Mm if you would escape to anywhere, where would you go?” She hummed in reply, most probably thinking long and hard. “I would...” She trailed, but it was followed by another longer pause. “Actually, I read about a Japanese term before. It’s ukiyo, the floating world.”

Jisung nodded his head, taking it in. “It when someone being detached from the bothers of life.” She sighed loudly through the phone, but Jisung could hear it clearly from the bookshelves. “I wish I could experience that floating world.” Her words grew into a whisper till it became inaudible at the end. Jisung saw her tilting her head down lower to the table, eventually using her forearm as a rest for her head. “Oh I have an idea.” Jisung replied quickly. “What if I become your so-called Peter Pan? Like, I can take you to Neverland for as long as you need. And that Neverland is just for you. It can be anything you want it to be.” Jisung suggested.

She laughed through the phone, a soft laugh that made Jisung’s already wavered heart skip another beat. “I’d love that.” Suddenly, she pushed her chair back, rising up from her seat. Jisung’s heart began to race, swiftly and silently turning his body to the back of the bookshelf. She was walking to the bookshelves a few rows down where he was at. He pressed himself up against the books in anxiety. “And what if I give you the free will to make Neverland? How would you want it to be? Because I know nothing about having a break.” Jisung heard her footsteps, one foot down followed by a few seconds of silence before placing down the next. It was slow and throwing Jisung off guard, thinking about what he’d do once she began to step close.

“I have two options. I’d either fill it with the things you love, or fill it with things I love and have you explore.” Jisung slid over to the nexy bookshelf ahead in fear, now keeping his voice lower than how it initially was. “I’d rather choose the latter. What do you like doing?” Jisung stared down at the floor. “Dancing, obviously. I like to hang out with my friends. Going out to the pet store just to look at hamsters.” Jisung and her giggled softly after hearing him say the last line.

“Hamsters? That’s cute.” Jisung took awhile to process the next part. He suddenly saw a pair of feet, inches away from his. He instantly shot his head up, seeing her standing in front of him. He tilted his head down a few degrees, realising that she was a lot shorter than him and needed to level the eye contact. For some reason, Jisung’s ribcage began to clench, suffocating his lungs and not letting a single grasp of air into his system as he looked at her. She wasn’t breathing either. The pin drop silence fill the small gap of air between them.

I brought my phone down from my ear, letting my hand fall to my side and my phone loosely hand by my fingers that wrapped around it. I glanced down for a moment before looking back up to him, he was extremely tall. “Wait you’re...” I tried to recall my memory while I took a close look at him, specifically his physique and body structure. It looked exactly like the one that caught my eye back at the practice room. “Were you the one dancing?” I questioned, not sure how to phrase it.

He tilted his head to the side and slowly nodded his head. “Um I’m always dancing?” He replied back with another question. But his head slowly tilted back straight, as if something had dawned on him. “You! Were you the one that came in the practice room that other day?!” He shouted, leaned back in shock as he covered his mouth that immediately gaped open at the realisation. I blinked my eyes rapidly and nodded my head. “Adidas jacket guy. It’s you.” I almost copied his posture entirely as I remembered.

The blonde hair, the thin yet lean body. It all matched. It was him. The cap didn’t give me a clear view before. But now, his face was right in front of me. And he was attractive. He had that baby face. All features of him were stunning and fit perfectly into his small face. He even had the looks to be an idol even, especially with those dance skills. “I’m Jisung. Park Jisung.” He finally introduced himself. In all honesty, I didn’t picture him to look like this while we chatted, his voice was low, and didn’t exactly suit the kind of build he had. “_____.” He hummed in response.

“This is...” Jisung broke his eye contact with me, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck while he breathed out a chuckle. “An unexpected way to meet. How’d you even find me?” I flashed a devious smile. “You weren’t hard to notice. I could hear shuffling right behind me then I heard your voice.” I shook my head. “What were you doing here though?” Jisung stammered, struggling to even form a sentence of reply. He looked like he was hiding the shakiness under his skin. “I thought I could find you by waiting here in the library.”

I squinted my eyes at his answer. So was he trying to find me all this time while I tried to do the same? “You actually waited here for hours?!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice a notch, too shocked when he downshifted his head. Why would he go through such lengths? Did he not think about the factors? Like how I would’ve not even come here in the first place? Or that I’d walk out and he’ll miss his chance? I had all those questions wrapped around my mind, but as much as I wanted to ask, all I could let out was, “So, Peter Pan.” I stated out loud, resuming the conversation we had on the phone.

Jisung smiled. It was a friendly smile. A warm one that embraced the space around them in the coldness of the dark. It also made him look a hundred times more attractive, with his eye smile that looked as if the world got brighter, and with his teeth showing. He kind of resembled a hamster, oddly enough. “Looks like I’m your Peter Pan now.” Jisung clasped his hands behind his back. “And my first order of business is getting you out of whatever hell hole you’re suffering from. And I don’t care what work you have to do. I’m not going to make you do it.” Jisung shook his head furiously, his bright orange-blonde hair swooshing as he did so, making it clear to me that it was extremely as light and fluffy as it looked to be.

“I’ll clear up my day. I have no lessons tomorrow so I’d usually study-” Jisung brought a finger up in front of my face, articulating it from left to right which a frown. “Nope. None of that. Being serious when I say you need a break. I feel like you have mental breakdowns like the one when you first called like once every week.” Jisung said, a soft hint of whining shining through his tone. “Wait do you?”

I bore my eyes into his, face feigned expressionless. “I mean, I had two mental breakdowns so far. That’s not bad, considering how many times I force myself not to.” I folded my arms, taking a step back to place my weight on one leg as I stood nonchalantly. “Yeah. But you still aren’t living your best life.” Jisung bent forward and smiled innocently, with eyes that looked into my soul and read my heart and mind.

“Pack up. You’re not studying anymore. Sleep. And I’ll meet you tomorrow at 2. Wake up at your own time. Don’t force your body into getting out of bed. Hear me?” Jisung began walking away, and I quickly followed, though I was struggling to keep up due to him taking big steps with his long legs. “Fine.” Was all I said, as we made our way to take our stuff from our separate places. We met back at the entrance, Jisung opening the door for me as I downshifted my head in thanks and went out.

“I watched you dance. It was incredible.” I suddenly let out, thinking about what else I could say about it. “It gave me a feeling that I can never pen down in words.” Jisung ruffled his hair and shook his head, adjusting his hair that looked messy. “Really? That’s nice to hear. But I know I can do better. I’m not the best.” When we stepped out of the library, I felt the cold breeze brushing my skin, too cold till I accidentally let out a shiver. “You seemed to be the best one there. I mean, the one that stood out to me the most.” Jisung raised both his brows, as if surprised such a comment came from someone. “Well I’m glad I was able to touch your heart.”

Moments of silence breezed through us like the cold air as we walked down the pathway. I didn’t know where Jisung’s dorm was, but it certainly wouldn’t be at my building. Was he walking actually wanting to walk me back? Either way, the silence wasn’t awkward. Jisung kept humming and nodding his head to the beat playing in his head, shoulders bobbing and making small movements. All I wanted to do was watch and smile. It made my stomach twist a knot, sending butterflies fluttering along while doing so. He would occasionally make eye contact and let out a cute giggle.

“Wait where even is your dorm?” I questioned. Jisung froze for a moment before quickly bringing his focus back on me to answer. “A few blocks down yours.” He simply said, bringing his index finger up to point in front. It was only now that I realised we were already at the entrance of my dorm building. “No wonder I’ve never seen you on campus before.” I muttered, nodding my head. Jisung adjusted the straps of his bag on his shoulders. “I’m not popular. Not like my friends. But at least my major mates know me.” I chuckle and blinked. “Of course they do. You’re talented.” I sighed and looked up to the sky, which was plainly a blank canvas with stars that could only be seen if you squint hard enough.

“I wish I had something to be proud of.” I whispered under my breath. Before Jisung could even say something back, I brought my eyes down from the sky and shook my head. His mouth was already opened and ready to speak, but he didn’t. “So I’ll see you tomorrow? Is there anything I should prepare myself for?” Jisung shrugged with a soft smile. “Nothing. We’ll just do the first thing that pops in my mind. I’m the type to be impromptu.” I hummed, saying goodnight to him one last time before going into the building, not looking back. Yet I felt his eyes glued to me, which only made me self conscious till I was completely out of sight.

One thing’s for sure, I already knew something that was different about us. I didn’t even meet him for long, but I could already tell Jisung was so laid back, relaxed, moving with his day like a breeze, no worries for the world whatsoever. He liked being impromptu, while I always had my days scheduled so meticulously. He seemed to be the complete opposite of me, yet he was still able to have order in his life. Curiosity spurred in me. I was having that urge to know him more, how he was able to live like that, how Jisung, was Jisung.

Funny enough, Jisung didn’t tell me about where to meet. Which was why I chose to seat the bench right outside my dorm building. I didn’t know how long I was waiting. I did follow his advice. I woke up quite late and stayed in bed watching Netflix shows. I took my time to get ready. And I actually went down a little over 2. I had my earphones plugged in, scrolling through Twitter since I had nothing else better to do on my phone. I didn’t have any games on it, or much of any form of entertainment. I never had time for those either.

Out of the blue, I heard something that resembled a buzz of some sort right beside my right ear. I instantly turned my head to it, leaning back and almost falling off the bench as I sent my bottom to the edge, shocked at seeing a drone flying right beside me. It wasn’t just an ordinary drone. It flew closer to me, and I squinted my eyes for closer inspection. There was a camera. It made me jump off the bench and taking steps back. And with each time, the drone flew closer to my face.

“Hey calm down!” I heard for a distance. My eyes adverted to the voice, seeing a small sized Jisung standing far from me. He tiptoed and waved his hand high, the other hand holding the controller of the drone. I could only laugh nervously as he ran up to me. “Good afternoon to you.” Jisung greeted cheerfully with a bright smile. I gulped and forced a casual smile, though I was still weirded out by the drone that was now circling in front of us. “You like me drone? My friend made it actually.” Jisung giggled.

I pursed my lips. “You chose to greet me with that?” I pointed my finger out with skepticism in my tone. “I’m sure you noticed the camera.” Jisung reached out for the drone, and held it in his hands. How can his hands hold something that big with so much ease? Or maybe the drone was small and his hand made it look big. “I was thinking we could record your day. If you were to actually have fun, you’ll have it on tape so you can watch back and remember the fun when you’re going through stressing times.” While Jisung was explaining, I couldn’t help but notice how brightly he was smiling. It was like the one he flashed at the library that night, but this time it was two folds of it, making the effect of butterflies in my stomach fluttering two fold as well.

“You really thought deep...” I whispered, leaning in to examine the drone while he moved it around for me to look at it from different angles. “It’s not so deep. I thought it only made sense for us to record a day like this. It’ll be fun, trust me.” I could only chuckle and stare down at my feet for a moment before looking back to meet his eyes and asking, “So, Peter Pan, where’s our first stop?” Jisung took out his phone and scrolled through it, I took a peek and realised he was on his notes. It had a list and it was labeled “TODO LIST FOR D-DAY” I giggled softly. “You’re making such a big deal out of today. I’m shocked.”

Jisung chuckled and ran a hand through his hair after placing the drone down on the floor. “Mm I like doing things like this. You know like, doing things out of the ordinary. This is certainly one of the time.” I furrowed my eyes at him while he had his on his phone. He probably felt my eyes searing into him, making him lift his eyes up and staring cluelessly. “So I’m out of the ordinary?” I questioned, tilting my head and feigned intimidation.

“What? No, no! I meant the fact that there’s someone who I need to plan a day out for. This kind of things don’t happen everyday.” Jisung leaned back and lifted up both his hands in defence, only making me laugh loudly and shaking my head. “Calm down. I was just teasing. I’m much for weird than I look.” Jisung raised both in eyebrows and jerked his head down to my phone. I blinked my eyes rapidly at his action. “I can already tell. Who has their timetable as their wallpaper?” Jisung faked a gag, which only made me frown as I glanced at my phone. “Nothing’s wrong with that!” I retorted, huffing and walking forward. I barely took a step before Jisung pulled me back.

“Peter Pan hasn’t even tell you the location, dummy.” He flicked my forehead with his finger, making me grimace. “Oh you dare to do that?!” I gaped my mouth open and scoffed in amusement, glancing sideways before retrieving my eyes back to Jisung. “I’m getting back at you!” I growled. “Till you do something that deserves the need to do it.” My voice grew softer with each word and my shoulders bobbed up while my expression turned into an embarrassed one. Jisung laughed out loud, he seemed to be enjoying himself, leaning back and holding his stomach from all the laughter he did for a full moment.

“Till I deserve it? Why are you so uptight?! Come. I’ll let you do it.” Jisung leaned forward, face meeting my level as he closed his eyes and a child-like smile played on his lips. I stared at him for a long moment. And when he didn’t feel any impact, he opened one eye in question. “Come on.” He urged, motioning his hand to his forehead. I chuckled at this, my hand being brought up like it had a mind of its own and flicked Jisung’s forehead with much force. He grimaced, but covered his pain with a sincere laugh the second after. “There aren’t any rules. Do what you want to me, okay? See, I can be your punching bag if you need me to.”

I gave Jisung a disinterested look. “Mm sure. Enough chatting just take me wherever already.” Jisung laughed at my impatience, sliding his phone into hus back pocket and getting himself ready to fly the drone. It flew up and almost went to my face. Luckily my quick reflexes allowed me to avoid it quickly, resulting in Jisung hissing and mumbling, “Sorry.” under his breath. He began to walk forward with me followed closely behind him as he played with the drone and letting it hover around as it recorded us from above.

We were walking quite a distance. I didn’t expect it to be this far. The sound the drone kept making was already imbedded into my memory. We were walking down a street I was completely unfamiliar with and the sun shining brightly above us wasn’t helping at all, only with occasional times when the clouds covered the sun for mere moments before it became blazing hot again. “Where are we even going?” I questioned, taking a look around my surroundings. Jisung finally let the drone come down from the air. He picked it up and motioned his hand with the drone to the building right in front of us. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up to the building.

“I thought about us enjoying the simple things in life. I didn’t want to take you to any fancy or high end places because well, I have no money for one. But it’s also because if you’re going to do this again, I’d want it to be something affordable. A place you can go to anywhere, anytime.” Jisung shrugged while he explained the reason of choosing this place which I still have yet to know its purpose since I saw no sign that gave me a single clue. “That’s deep.” I simply said. Jisung pursed his lips and nodded his head. “That was unintentionally deep.”

Jisung fiddled with the drone to turn it off and passed it to me for me to hold as he opened the door and gave me way. I downshifted my head and went inside. I looked around. It seemed to be a lobby. There was a small counter at the corner and in front was a deep hallway filled with doors left and right. What was this place? I felt Jisung’s presence behind me as he went to the counter. With a smile, the woman behind gave him a key. He went forward in front of me and tossed the key in the air for it to drop to the floor. I raised a brow at his action. I assumed he tried to expertly catch the keys again but failed to do so. I wanted to face but I kept my neutral expression. Jisung picked it up quickly and turned to flash a soft smile before proceeding to walk. I again followed behind.

While I walked down the hallway, I could hear different music coming from each door. Some rooms were silent while other were blasting music so loud yet muffled due to the door blocking out the music. There weren’t any windows on the door that I could peek into to see what was inside, which only made me more skeptical as I tried figuring out what this place was. Jisung abruptly stopped in front of one door, which was at the very end of the hallway. I almost bumped into him but stopped myself by placing a hand near his shoulder where I would’ve bump into.

Jisung slid the key into the keyhole and fiddled around for a moment for the key twisted and the door opened. Once again he made way for me to head in first. A gentleman, that was another thing about Jisung I took note of. I walked into a pit of darkness till I heard Jisung flip a switch and the lights turned on. I gaped my mouth open in awe and nodded my head slowly as I took unsure steps in. “Is this like...” I tried to form my sentence but I was mesmerised by the blank space of the wooden plank floor and the wall sized mirror that stretched from one end to the other entirely. “Your own dance studio?”

Jisung smiled softly and hummed, standing beside me while we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. “Wait. You aren’t actually telling me to...” I very slowly turned my head up to look at him, realising he already had his eyes on me before I even made eye contact. I brought my index finger up and swirled it around beside me to motion to the the dance studio. “Dance, right?” Jisung didn’t reply, only forming a sly smile for a split second before walking to the side while scrolling through his phone. Music began to play through the speakers from the top corners of the room. He placed his phone down and began moving his body to the beat while making his way back to me.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” Jisung smiled brightly and giggled, proceeding to close his eyes and continue grooving to the music being played. It was upbeat and relaxing, not like the ones played at clubs. It was chill and something anyone could move to. Except, I couldn’t. With arms folded and wrapped around my chest, I stared at him with a tilted head. Probably feeling my eyes on him, he fluttered his eyes open and looked at me with an innocent look. “Try dancing!” Jisung shouted, blinking his eyelids rapidly. I only narrowed my eyes in response. Jisung groaned and suddenly brought his hands out to hold my wrist, eventually holding my hands in his.

“You said we can do what I like. And I like dancing. It relieves my stress. I’m sure it’ll have the same effect on you if you actually try.” Jisung begged. He slowly brought my hands up, moving side to side, urging me to follow my lead. I was skeptical. This was never my thing. My body was as stiff as stone when I tried following Jisung. I didn’t know how he was simply so natural and fluid. He wasn’t trying hard at all, unlike me. “Hey.” Jisung suddenly whispered, leaning forward so his face was just mere inches away from mine. My breathing hitched in my throat. “You’re trying too hard. Loosen up. Feel the music.” Jisung’s advise was soothing, whispers that went in my ears and could stay in my mind for ages as he looked into my eyes and searched for the specks of uncertainty that he so desperately want to get rid of.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders. With Jisung’s large hands still with mine, Jisung slowly and naturally pulled me closer to him. I composed myself and tried to keep my cool as much as possible, putting my mind at peace and solely focusing on the music. Jisung hummed and tried to move me again. This time, I was slowly able to let my body loose, getting the beat of the song into my head and slowly bobbing my head to it. I couldn’t help but smile as I began to move however I want, being free. “You’re doing it!” Jisung shouted happily, letting go of my hands and allowing our bodies to dance.

I wasn’t looking at the mirror this whole time. But when I did, I grimaced in disgust, leaning back and sticking out my tongue. “Jeez I look so ugly dancing.” I sighed with a frown. Jisung laughed loudly and nodded. “Indeed. But that’s the whole point. No one’s here to judge you. I can be weird with you, if that’s what you want.” Jisung clasped his hands behind him and leaned forward again, flashing his cheeky smile. I scoffed. “Please, how can a great dancer like you dance weirdly? I mean look at you. Everything you do is flawless.” I huffed out, folding my arms.

Another song began to play. This time it was a slow one. Nothing sad or emotional, it felt like a song that was meant to bring yourself back down to earth. “I wasn’t even good last time. It took a lot of effort to get to where I am today.” Jisunv explained carefully, weary so that he wouldn’t sound like he was beinf boastful. Jisung suddenly looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully and after a moment he opened his mouth like a light bulb of thought above his head switched itself on.

Jisung immediately ran to the door, flicking the switch and turning the lights off. It was dark, but some light was still able to shine through from the cracks of the door, making me see Jisung’s figure, but not the details of his face only if I looked close enough. He went back to me and said, “There. With the lights closed, you can do whatever and I won’t see it clearly.” Jisung shrugged triumphantly. I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement.

After that, multiple songs continued to play. His playlist was probably on shuffle mode but they were all songs I could dance to. I could see Jisung and I moving in the mirror. Again, not obvious, but still seen. Out of nowhere, Jisung pulled me in by grabbed my wrist lightly. He pulled me hard till my chest bumped into his. “Sorry.” He whispered, chuckling awkwardly. Jisung was clumsy, yet cute i. his own way. Another feature of his I began to take note of. It took me awhile to realise how close we were. He could probably feel my breath on his skin at this moment.

I looked up from his chest, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, my surroundings blanked. The music drowned out into nothing and the darkness of the room got even darker. And at the same time, Jisung’s face began to be the only thing that was clear to me. I did notice how attractive he was. But this situation was only making it ten times harder for me to handle to emotions that suddenly spurred inside me. My heart was beating fast and my cheat began to clench tightly, giving me no air to breath in as I stood there breathless for a long moment. Jisung didn’t move either, his eyes wandering my face as if looking at every inch.

It was at this moment that got me to think that indeed, I was stress-free. I wasn’t thinking about the pile of books I had to read and analyse. I wasn’t thinking about what was due next week and what my schedule was. All I had my focus on was Jisung and I. The freedom and lightness I was feeling. It was something I never felt for so long. It’s as if I barely knew such a feeling existed. And all it took was doing something that I wasn’t even good at. Doing it with Jisung. It would be too early to say this, but he could very well be the first person that made me feel this way in my whole college life.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Jisung beamed at me as we made our way back to the counter to return the keys. I breathed out a light chuckle and sighed in satisfaction. “Mhm. It was actually... very fun.” I puckered my lips. Jisung went to the counter and leaned forward after placing the key down for the woman to take. He whispered something to her and she nodded her head. She went to the back and Jisung turned around to meet my eyes. “Got a little present for you.” The woman came back with the same key, or perhaps a replica of it. Jisung downshifted his head in thanks and handed me the key. I took it wearily.

I glanced down at it and trailed my eyes back to Jisung. “Why would you give me the key?” I questioned. Jisung took a step in and had his eyes on the key in my hand. He brought his hand up and closed the key in my palm. “I’m giving you access to my most private space ever. That’s because I want you to feel the same way I do whenever I’m in there. Carefree. Effortless. You can go in whenever you want, whenever you need. I don’t have to be there with you all the time. You don’t even have to dance. Just let the atmosphere of the studio calm you. Basically, do whatever. I just want you to be free.”

With each word his voice got heavier with meaning and sincerity imbued, and my heart grew lighter with each breath.

Days go by, and though I didn’t meet Jisung again, he’d occasionally call me late at night to check up on me. And every time I said I was doing work, he’d let out an exaggerated groan and force me to sleep. He sounded like those mothers that keep nagging at you. And with his talkative nature, Jisung and I could go rambling for hours on the phone till one of us sleeps. It’ll mostly be me since I could already drif off to dream land the moment my body hits the bed.

Today, I was feeling trapped in my dorm room. Something in me was feeling the urge for an escape as the walls caved in with every hour passing by. My brain was beginning to slow its gears and I wasn’t able to boost my motivation back up. I glanced to my phone where it showed the time blaring onto my face. “It’s only a ten minute walk.” With a shrug, I dumped everything I wanted to get done by tonight and headed out the door, not giving a single care to look neat and going out in my sweater and sweatpants.

I went into the building, it was dark with only the moonlight from outshine shining in through the glass entrance. I made my way to the dance studio, key in my hand that I already shoved into the pockets of my sweater on my way here due to the cold of the night. I unlocked the door and entered. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. Instead I switched on the small lamplight that Jisung told me he placed there in case I needed it. I silently thank Jisung in my mind as I began to unpack my things.

I took one look around the studio. It was spacious, the plank floors leaving the space wide open just for me. Though I came here to do work, my mind was slowly trailing off to Jisung. His figure slowly appeared, picturing him in my mind as I let his shadows dance in the dark. It was his dance that caught my eye and it was his personality that was making me crave to know him more. I was mesmerised, enchanted by every move he made. Every word he spoke, every clumsy gesture. It was all those things clumped into one that was sucking me in.

I startled out of my thoughts with a quick shake of my head and got to work. Quite a long time had passed by. Jisung was right. The atmosphere of the studio, silent, peaceful, nothing to disturb my serenity. For some reason, I didn’t think twice when I grabbed my phone to call Jisung at this timing. Before I could even press on his contact number, my eyes flickered to the time. 2:30AM. For one moment I thought he’d be asleep. But with remembering about his call service, I knew he’d still be up. My hopes filled me up with I called and placed the phone on speaker phone, placing my phone back down beside me while I continued to write.

Jisung picked up in a matter of seconds. “Hey! How are you?” I smiled softly. No matter the time and place, he never failed to sound cheerful and bursting with energy. It felt as if he was being like that just for me. “Nothing. Just work.” Should not have said that. “What?! It’s two in the damn morning? How are you even- no more studying. Makes me puke every time I hear that.” Jisung feigned a gag and I laughed loudly in response to his disgusted reaction. “I’m almost done, alright? I’m actually at the music room. It’s quite nice being here.” Jisung hummed and I leaned back, placing my hands behind me. “Oh you’re there? Want me to join you?” Jisung’s voice suddenly grew excited. The sudden burst of energy shocked me. How was he able to be so energetic in the dead morning?

“You don’t have to! I was just about to go anyways.” I squinted my eyes and formed a quizzical look on my face. Why did I even say that? I wasn’t even about to leave. “I don’t have classes tomorrow so I can stay up. I know you don’t have any either.” I raised an eyebrow, my eyes going to the screen as I saw Jisung’s name still flashing at me. “What are you even suggesting?” I questioned with a confused tone. Jisung smacked his lips. “Mm to have a night out with you? We didn’t go out for so long.” Jisung cried out. I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly and tilted my head a few degrees at his suggestion.

I leaned forward to my phone, my voice lowering itself to a whisper. “You... actually want that?” I blinked my eyes rapidly, waiting for his answer. Jisung breathed in once and said, “I just said that, didn’t I?” I frowned. “But I want you to rest and-”

“Already out the door!” Jisung ended the call. I sighed. But a smile cracked on my lips at the thought of him coming here.

“What is all this mess?” Jisung complained in disgust. Face scrunched up and nose crinkled at the sight of my books and papers while he helped me to slide it back into my tote bag. He grabbed a stack and placed it on his thigh. Flipping through. I could only see cluelessness in his eyes. “Jeez. This is so not to my liking. Or understanding.” Jisung shrugged and shoved it into the bag, making it the last stack.

Jisung stood up and carried it on his shoulder, instantly crying out as he leaned over to the side where he hung the bag, the weight of it pulling him down. “How do you carry these all day?!” Jisung shouted with utmost shock. I simply shrugged and made my way for the door. “You’d be surprised at how much my shoulder hurts every week.” I said nonchalantly due to the fact it was truly something I’ve gotten used to. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Jisung bringing himself back up and trying to get used to the weight while walking to me. I opened the door and with a kind smile, moved my body aside to give way for him to exit, which he gladly thanked for with a whisper.

“Anyways, there’s a twenty four hour ice cream shop that just opened nearby. Are you in for a treat?” Jisung questioned, looking down at me. I turned my gaze from the floor and to him, glancing sideways for a quick thought before nodding. “Sure.” I simply replied. I could only follow Jisung, once again not knowing where he wanted to take me. I was familiar with the neighbourhood around campus of course. But I’ve been staying at the campus for so long that I never got the chance to find out what was new about it. Such as a new ice cream shop I never knew existed till now.

The walk there was comfortable silence. I took this time to look at Jisung’s outfit. He was wearing his signature black adidas jacket, track pants and a black cap. It felt like it was something unique only to him. A person I could identify instantly with what he wears. I like Jisung in it. It was a lazy look but he somehow managed to pull it off, naturally good looking. My focus trailed down to what I was wearing, and I couldn’t help but think about just how bad I looked at this time of the night.

Jisung once again abruptly stopped. I was able to dodge him this time and stand beside him. He looked inside the shop while I had my eyes on the sign that said they were open. “They actually do open twenty four seven.” I muttered, instantly realising that Jisung had already entered the shop when I heard the sound of the bells above the door ringing, the door swinging open. I quickly caught up to the door, making it just in time before it closed fully and entered.

I stood beside Jisung, the two of us scanning through the menu above the counter. “Is this your first time here?” I asked. Jisung bobbed his shoulders. “It is. You?” I shook my head. “I didn’t have time to be going out and trying out food that the neighbourhood has to offer. I stick to the food on campus most of the time.” Jisung scoffed softly and turned to me. “Which is practically convenience store food. How boring of you.” My jaw dropped and I breathed out an unbelievable chuckle, punching his shoulder gently. “And how rude of you to say that.” I feigned exasperation and looked up to the menu again after the two of us laughed softly.

I was the first to walk up to the counter, Jisung quickly following behind as I felt his presence being awfully close to my back. “Can I get three scoops of chocolate chip cookie?” The woman at the cashier nodded and turned her attention from me to Jisung. “You?” She questioned. I turned my head to him as well. Jisung squinted his eyes while he looked up to the menu again. He stuttered for a moment before responding. “I’ll just get two scoops of strawberry swirl.” The woman cracked a small smile, almost invisible as she keyed in our order. She told the price and looked at the two of us, waiting for the cash. When Jisung didn’t respond, I quickly took out my wallet. I glanced at hi for a brief moment, noticing that he was looking at me and didn’t hear the cashier. But before I could even slide out my dollar note, Jisung slammed my hand down lightly and took out his money in one swift motion.

“Thanks.” I softly whispered as the two of us walked to the side t wait for our ice cream. I folded my arms and placed my weight on one leg. Jisung sighed loudly, assumingly to break the silence between us. “Three scoops? That’s a lot.” Jisung mentioned. I frowned and waved a lazy hand at him. “Calm down I’ll pay for the three scoops. I’m just craving for it.” I breathed out, now feeling slightly bad that I spent a lot of Jisung’s money since the price was quite expensive. Jisung looked down on me, quirking up a questioning brow. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying it’s a lot. You don’t need to pay me.” Jisung quickly retorted with assurance imbued into his tone.

My mouth formed an ‘O’ at the realisation and slowly nodded my head. “We can’t be eating here, right? So where are we going to go?” Jisung ruffled his hair, adjusting the strands that laid naturally and nicely down his forehead. I was still able to see his eyes despite having it covered by the layer of hair. “Our spot.” I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Our spot?” I echoed back, completely clueless.

Jisung flashed me a disappointed expression along with a sigh. “The studio. That, or we can just eat at the park nearby. Oh and don’t expect me to protect you if we get kidnapped. I won’t be strong enough to protect you.” I laughed at the joke, Jisung chuckling along with me. “You dance with such energy and you’re telling me you can’t beat a kidnapper?” I scoffed loudly in amusement. “You’re quite something.” I added on. Jisung looked down, somewhat in a shy manner and smiled before lifting his head back up. “I really am.”

-Just how much was I missing out on

We walked out, ice cream in hand. Jisung seemed to be texting someone with his free hand while I simply looked down on my ice cream and be the first to dig in. The bite felt like a trip down memory lane. How was it that I didn’t enjoy simple things like ice cream during college? Don’t get me wrong I do still eat ice cream, but I never experienced one that tasted authentic, way better than the ones sold in convenience stores. “You seem to be enjoying it.” Jisung suddenly let out, making me head shot up to him and then to my ice cream, which I already noticed that I took more than just one bite already.

Jisung slid his phone into his track pants and got to eating. His jaw dropped and his mouth hung open so wide that it could reach the floor. With the ice cream nestled on the surface of his tongue, he gasped loudly and looked to me instantly. “This is so good!” Jisung squealed with much happiness and excitement, taking another bite instantly and moaning in satisfaction. The two fo us ate in silence as we walked, allowing ourselves to sink into the ice cream’s captivating flavours like a bath.

We entered the park. It was dimly lit, with only the lamps that lined the pathways and lighting the place with an orange hue. Jisung took quick steps forward to sit on the nearest bench. I sat down beside him, a small smile forming on my lips. All that we could see were the lights and trees that had its leaves and branches swaying in the gentle breeze. Jisung had his full attention on his ice cream, ow seeming to be taking small bites to preserve the ice cream and take a longer time to finish it.

“One question. How long have you not come to this park? Or have you never?” Jisung’s question got my mind blank. I thought about it for quite some time, till Jisung had to hum to see if he even got my attention. “The only time I’ve been here was two years ago. For helping out at an event as a job.” Jisung moved his lips to one side. “Question two. Was majoring in law what you wanted to do?” I already knew this conversation was about to get deep. And at that moment, if I’m being really honest, I’m glad Jisung’s the one I’m having this conversation with.

“Yeah. At first I thought lawyers looked cool in those Korean dramas. My only goal at that time was to do any major that I seemed to be interested in and one that could get me rich. Those were my only two requirements that satisfied me. I was always hardworking but I never knew my work could get this overloaded. I wasn’t ready for it.” I took in a deep breath to compose myself, realising how real I was getting about myself. “I only started having breakdowns at the end of last year. Never bothered to take a break due to constant anxiety on how much I could miss out on. All because I want that simple goal of doing well in college for a job that’ll give me good pay. I didn’t even think about what I’d do with the money. I never bothered to expand my goal beyond that. And I think that makes me very low, and shallow minded.”

I slowly tited my head up, wanting the cool air to cool my face. The sky was nothing but plain ink black darkness with only the small moon shining it’s moonlight on us. I closed my eyes, not really caring if Jisung responded to anything I just said. Letting it out for him to hear was all I wanted, all that I need. I kept my breathing steady and collected, the simple calmness of the quiet surrounding putting my mind at ease. “But have you ever thought that you don’t need to keep up with whatever’s around you?” Jisung whispered. I fluttered my eyelids open and brought my eyes down to meet his. We locked eyes, and Jisung reached out in front of me to grab my now empty cup, making my breath hitched in my throat. He always made me stop breathing whenever he got close. What was he, death?

“What do you mean?” Jisung puckered his lips, seeming to be deep in thought before replying. “I get that you want to do well. But you don’t always have to go at the speed this world’s at. It’s not always in the hustle.” Jisung whispered carefully. His eyes never met mine. And with each word and every one that was going to come after, could drive it’s words deep into my heart and soul, like he was seeing right through me. “Look around you. This place, the studio. You would’ve never discovered them if you were so focused. Slow down to see the prettier things in life. Isn’t that what they always say?” HIs words were definitely meant to bring an impact. And it did. My heart sank, not in a bad way. But simply because the realisation and reality was weighting my heart down.

“Technically, you introduced me to the studio and park.” Jisung brought his hand out, as if putting his words on it and placing it in front of me. “Exactly. You wouldn’t even get to know me if you never took time to look at your surroundings and finding my note.” I licked my bottom lip that was extremely dry. My eyes absentmindedly went down to his lips, that still looked unbelievably smooth despite the dryness of the air. “I told you, didn’t I? I can be here for you. Whatever you need. So don’t always think college is everything. I mean, look at me.” I chuckled.

But Jisung was right. I did took time to look at him as a person. He was doing something that wasn’t just interest, but what he loved and had passion for. He’s able to do well and not have to stress over things too much and too often. Jisung was able to carry himself how he wants to and be satisfied with life when I would be satisfied with mine long years down the road. He was the physical representation of ukiyo. The floating world that didn’t bother about the worries of life, and living it his own way, no matter what could appen to him. He was a ukiyo standalone.

“Slow down to see the prettier things the life.”

Jisung might just be that prettier thing.

Jisung and I got close, real quick. It wasn’t a surprise. I already knew I’d want to meet him more often, wanting him to be my escape from the whirlpool of life. He was always a breath of fresh air, a sight for sore eyes. He never failed to make the time I spent with him meaningful to the last second. I quickly grew to realise that I needed to meet him on a regular basis. I needed to take my mind off work, and he was the only one who could do it for me.

I was just finishing lecture, carrying the heavy pounds of books in my hand with much struggle. I was trying to juggle my book on my forearm while the other tried to find for my phone in my pocket to text Jisung, saying I wanted him to come over to accompany me. With a quiet grunt I tried to type with one hand, which to me was an extreme struggle. Just when I decided to stop walking to get myself gathered together, I looked up from my phone, suddenly seeing a group of guys walking just past me.

Murmurs and whispers from different angles could be heard from far away, I raised my brow, watching their backs. One that caught my eye was the adidas jacket. I knew instantly from his figure and bright orange natural looking hair that it was Jisung. I instantly ran up to him, shoving my phone into my bag to just I could have a free hand to tap on his shoulder. “Jisung!” I screamed happily, after giving him a tap I placed a firm grip on his shoulder to stop him. The other guys surrounding him turned around, noticing how Jisung abruptly stopped.

“Who’s she?” One of them asked, his voice sounding arrogant and cocky from the get-go. Jisung gulped and looked left and right, glancing over his shoulder. He suddenly seemed anxious. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly, sucking in his lips while he rubbed a nervous hand at the back of his neck. “I-I don’t know.” Jisung quickly replied. He stared at me for a moment, eyes cold and would probably feel like ice if I were to maintain it any longer. Jisung shoved away the hand I had on his shoulder roughly, only making me scoff loudly. “What the heck? Jisung you good?” I was about to reach my hand to punch him lightly on the shoulder, thinking that the way he’s acting was just a joke, but with him having quick reflexes, he got a firm grip on my wrist in a matter of seconds.

“Look. I don’t know you. Why are you treating me like you’re my friend?” Jisung’s words were meant to slice. And it worked. I was in disbelief, the large wave crashing over me and wiping me out and the words rolled hard on his tongue. Jisung slammed my wrist down, my whole arm swinging backward slightly from the strong impact before it fell down my side. I looked to my hand and trailed my gaze back to Jisung. I stiffened, trying not to shiver under his gaze. What was going on with him? Another friend of his placed a hand on his shoulder and jerked his head forward. Jisung pushed me off with his cold gaze one more time and turned around sharply to walk away. I gaped, eyes widened as the other looked to each with unsure faces and disappeared along with Jisung.

I stumbled a few steps back from Jisung’s impact. The impact in his words, actions. Why was he like that? He said he didn’t know me. I took a moment to head over to a nearby bench to place my books down and have a break, but it was mostly to think over about why Jisung suddenly acted different. He never seemed like that before. He looked... cold and unapproachable. That look in his eyes when he made eye contact with me, it felt as if he never knew me at all. What was with that sudden shield?

Later that day, I tried to text Jisung. Give him a call, sending multiple texts. He wasn’t responding to any of it. He used to always be free 24/7. Why was he suddenly not online, especially after what had just happened. I wanted to know why. This was the first time he ever acted like that towards me. And it was too odd. We would never meet too often. But without him texting me at least once a day, you could say I was falling apart again when he began to not get into contact with me for a whole week after the incident.

I tried to find him again. Seeing him on campus whenever, I tried to approach him. This time I walked up to him quickly and had a firm grip on his wrist. “Jisung? What’s wrong with you the other day? You acted as if you didn’t even know me.” I said with a nervous chuckle, wanting to seem like it didn’t bother but failed tremendously. Jisung looked at me blankly, expressionless. Like nothing went through his mind with that I said. Or even looking at me. Jisung bit his lower lip, glancing sideways as if he didn’t want to give a single care about my presence.

He slid my grip off his wrist. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.” Jisung said in a monotonous manner. He glanced to his left and right quickly, eyes meeting mine for a brief moment. And in that small second of eye contact, I felt something. His eyes looked sad, like he was feeling sorry. But that look disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Jisung was out of sight once again.

I was in bed, eyes up to the plain white ceiling that gave me the free will to think about anything. Anything and everything, but it all lead to Jisung. I simply couldn’t shake it off. The way Jisung looked at me. I felt the impact of his push so vividly. I kept replaying the scene in my mind. It was just so not Jisung. It was so off from what he’s like. It seemed like it wasn’t Jisung at all. I turned to my side, phone right beside my face. I picked it up, instantly going to my contacts and clicking on Jisung’s name.

“What’s going on with you...” I said in a soft whisper, my mind trailing off yet again as I stared at Jisung’s name on my screen, so bright and so big. Yet it suddenly felt distant. Jisung, felt distant. A long while had past, and I still contemplated on whether to give him a call. I gave up doing so a few days back. Why did I still have hope? He didn’t seem to want anything to do with me. And I knew it wasn’t because he’s busy. He didn’t want to contact me. He’s ignoring me.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, slow and steady to calm my mind. I was beginning to jump to conclusions. And I really would never want to have that perception of Jisung. Never once thought of him that way, and never will. I would never. I groaned out loud, turning off my phone and placing it back down beside me harshly with the screen faced down. I curled myself up into a ball. It had only been a week. And I was already missing him. His voice, his clumsiness, his cuteness. The sudden change of his attitude, to the whole ignoring and growing distant thing. It was too much. Again I was falling, cracking at places where it got pieced together when I was with Jisung.

Unable to sit still, I got up and walked to my study table, slamming my body down and beginning to do work. I furiously began writing, doing whatever I can to suppress myself. I was growing mad, and if I had to let out my anger, I’d be doing it in the productive way. However, I was only able to keep that adrenaline up for a few minutes till I got to frustrated that I threw my pen on the wall in front of my and balled fists into my hair, screaming till my voice disappeared. I shut up eyes close, allowing the tears that had been welling up this whole time to finally fall, sending myself into a breakdown.

I cried and shouted with all my heart. I couldn’t beat it. I couldn’t do anything without Jisung. I didn’t know what to feel. Anger, rational, disappointment. Perhaps it was all those balled into one emotion I didn’t know the name of. I shook my head vigorously, running a hand through my hair and slamming both hands down on the table, wanting to swallow down my flood of emotions. I can’t be going through this. I had work to do. Jisung’s a waste of my time, and my energy. My feelings for him will not stop me from moving forward. I knew I shouldn’t have met him. He led me to this, to suffering even more on top of my large pile of other stresses I had to handle. He was once my ukiyo, but how he’s far from being one.

“I can’t fucking keep doing this!” Jisung screamed, pacing back and forth in his dorm. Luckily Renjun wasn’t here to hear his rant. He’d been stressed out about it for weeks. It’s almost been a few months. He couldn’t keep this up. He was this close to showing his anger if his friends were to ever hung out with him again. Jisung had one arm wrapped around his torso while the other rested and had his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. He was missing her. He wanted to see her. But he couldn’t. Not when his friends are around 24/7.

At the party later that night, Jisung had no mood for any of it. Not the drinking, not the games. He was at this stupid party just because his friends dragged him. Although he never said no to the offer. Jisung simply went with it to satisfy his friends. He was sick of the people around him reeking of alcohol, people bumping into him every which way, the loud music that could possibly bloa his eardrums. Just how many of these parties had he been to already? And he still couldn’t get used to this.

Jisung was standing by the drinks area, watching his friends on the couch and getting wasted. They’re finding their own way home somehow. Jisung knew they were capable, so there wasn’t any reason why he had to take care of them. He seemed to be so fixated on one spot that he didn’t even realise Jeno was standing beside him after he let out a, “You seem to be having fun.” Jisung came zinging back to reality. “Yeah.”

“I know you aren’t.” Jeno gulped down the red cup and placed it down on the table behind them. He leaned back casually, eyeing Jisung which intimidated Jisung just a little bit. “What’s been going on with you?” Jeno leaned his head forward and closer to Jisung, making sure his words could be heard over the loud music. “Nothing.” Jeno scoffed. “It can’t be nothing.”

Jisung turned his head to face Jeno, flashing him a look that read, “I really don’t care.” Jeno smacked his lips and folded his arms. “I’m the closest one to you. Even though they all treat you like you’re our own baby, I’m the one that knows you best. So spill. There’s no hiding from me.” Jisung groaned out loudly and grabbed Jeno’s wrist, pulling him to a room closed and isolated from this mess Jisung simply hated.

Jisung went in and slammed himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge while Jeno raised both his eyebrows in shock at the little man’a temper, closing the door behind him slowly as the music finally got drowned out. “So?” Jeno began, leaning against the door and placing one leg over the other. Jisung threaded his fingers through his hair, keeping his hand at the back of his head as he tilted upwards to find a way to say his feelings, as if the words were out there for him on the ceiling.

“I have this girl I like. We’ve been hanging out for a long while. But we stopped because one day I decided to be a prick and push her off when she saw me with the rest of us.” Jeno opened his mouth and clapped his hand once. “It’s that girl isn’t it?!” Jeno pointed at Jisung with surprise. Jisung wasn’t exactly sure if Jeno and Jisung were thinking of the same girl, but either way Jisung simply nodded.

“I don’t know why I did it in the first place. I guess I was embarrassed of you guys knowing her and you’ll keep bugging me about it all the time if you knew.” Jisung groaned out, the frustration expertly imbued into his tone though it took no effort to do so. Jeno narrowed his eyes on Jisung, a look that made him know that a long lecture was about to come for him. And he couldn’t escape.

As Jeno pushed his back off the door and walked forward, he said, “So what? You didn’t want us knowing you have a girl you like because you think we’ll invade your privacy? If you want to know, most of us guessed it already. You kept going out at such late hours almost all the time. Did you think Renjun wouldn’t have noticed?” Jeno tilted his head, making sure it was extremely obvious. “That’s why we were shocked when you did that to her.” Jeno added on. Jeno squinted his eyes and blinked them rapidly. “Then why don’t you just explain it to her?”

Jisung frowned, head slowly tilting down to cover his face. “Because I felt bad for doing it and thought she’d be mad at me and wouldn’t want to talk to me again.” Jisung sighed loudly for three days. “I didn’t-” Jisung inhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to face her because I didn’t want to feel the pain of having her get mad at me.” Jeno chuckled, the kind that was in disbelief. “Jisung! You don’t even know if she felt that way!” Jeno slammed a palm to his forehead. “Yes she’d be mad but you should be making the first move to apologise to her! She’s probably crying in bed wondering why you suddenly cut off all ties with her, you dummy!”

While Jeno was giving him an earful, Jisung fiddled with this thumbs, scarping at the hang nails and growing deep in thought. Jeno was right. Why didn’t he do anything to solve it? He simply backed off because he was too afraid to face her after what happened. He was caring for his own feelings more than hers. And now she’s definitely in a way worsr position than he was. “Fuck I’m dumb.” Jeno hummed in agreement, only making Jisung shoot a glare at him while letting out a ‘tsk’.

“Might be too late but talk to her. Right now she needs an explanation. No matter how long ago it was.” Jeno had his voice firm and advisory.

Jisung made his way to her dorm. He had a sinking, anxious feeling in his chest while he walked down the hallway and inched closer to her door.

I was at my table, still studying the life out of me. I knew I’d be walking out of this dorm brain drained and walking like a living corpse when I go for my lecture tomorrow. Just when I wanted to rest my head down, there was a knock on the door. I thought I misheard, but after a long moment the knocking came again. I quickly walked up to the door, swinging it open. Everything paused. My motion, my eyes. It was glued to the person in front of me, which was Jisung.

“Can I come-” “I have work to do.”

I tried to close the door, but Jisung stopped it with his foot. “Please. I owe you an explanation.” Jisung said, voice filled with softness and sincerity. I couldn’t bear to resist. I knew I never could if he came. I sucked in my lips, sighed quietly and opening the door. I walked in, sitting at my study table and turning my chair around. I watched Jisung close the door behind hIm, making his way to the bed, each step seemed to be weary and careful, watching out for himself with every move to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong.

Jisung and I locked eyes for a long time, silence circulating the air. I cocked my brow up in curiosity as to why he wasn’t saying anything. Jisung quickly noticed my change of expression and shook his head as if bringing himself back from a moment of deep thinking. “I’m sorry. For that day. I know I was rude. First I did that, then I completely ignored you.” Jisung bit his lower lip, now avoiding eye contact like he was too embarrassed to meet my eyes. “I did it because I was scared of what my friends thought of me having someone.” My quizzical expression became more prominent.

I sat there, not sure of what to think. Like I said, I never wanted to think badly of Jisung. But after hearing that, it seemed that my underlined feeling of anger became to surface itself after being forced to suppress itself for far too long. “So you did that to me then you ignored me. On top of that completely removing me out of your life like I was invisible. Then you didn’t bother to try and fix this sooner. All this because of what you’re friends would think of me? Of us?” I pointed to myself, my voice growing scarily louder with each sentence.

I smacked my lips and nodded. I didn’t need his verbal reply to know the answers to that. And it disappointed me. “I never thought I’d say this. But that was shallow. Very shallow of you.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Did you know how much I was going through when I couldn’t contact you? All those times I texted and called, you didn’t reply to any of them. And why? For your pride? While I was here balling my eyes out every night unable to do my work.”

I allowed a moment of silence to pass, though I could’ve continued without having to catch my breath. “You used to be my escape. Someone I came to when I needed to destress, be free. But now... you’re just the person that’s stopping me from my goal. Getting work done, it could be stressing yes. But if I’m unable to do work just because of my feeling for someone as low as you...” I shut my eyes closed, wanting to hold back my tears. My opened my eyes and forced them to blare at Jisung with firmness. “I don’t see why you should be in my life anymore.”

I stood up, taking slowly strides to the door. I held the doorknob, turning it and opening the door. I brought my free hand out, motioning to Jisung. “Don’t come back. I can’t bear to see you anymore without having these confusing feelings. It’s something I shouldn’t be spending my time worrying about.” I said sternly. I watched Jisung. He seemed far from stable. He seemed to be cracking at the seams, he was at the edge of tears. He didn’t bother to hide them, the tears seeming to be clouding his vision as it welled up in his eyes. He had his eyes glued to the floor the whole time. A long moment went by till he finally stood up and walked to the door.

Before Jisung left, he stood right in front of me. His eyes met mine, shivering with guilt and instant despair. It broke my heart to see him like this. But in situations like these, I had to choose. Either lose Jisung, or lose myself. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, almost inaudible. He blinked his eyes once and the tears streamed down his cheeks. I reached my hand out, slowly and shakil to place them on his shoulder. He looked down on it, simply letting it slide off when he went. He walked away, and I bit my bottom lip. That was the last moment I saw him.

Closing the door, I let my back lean against the door and slide down till I reached the floor. I thought I wouldn’t feel a single sense of sadness or regret. But at that moment, when I couldn’t even handle seeing Jisung’s back disappear as he walked down the hallway, the shell I had carefully built around my heart shattered, and no number of words of reassurance repeated to myself will piece it back together. I shook my head. If I kept my expectations low, I would stop feeling the throbbing. If I cut off all my emotions, I wouldn’t be so weak. And that was what I was determined to do.

Jisung felt every single word struck deep and low, like a bell toll that shook inside him. As the her hand fell off his shoulder, so,too, did the warmth. He began to shiver. Only cold and pain remained, sharp enough to numb everything else. All his adrenaline, gone, and with it, his sense of feeling. All his life, gone. The ground caved in, and he hit bottom.

Jisung walked away with a heavy heart. Everything he did for her. From the moment she unintentionally made that call to the last time they met, Jisung had it flashed in his mind like a movie tape. She was al the more right to be like this to him. He knew all too wel of the consequences. He had to bear this pain. It was the only right thing to do. He didn’t know how he’ll get over it. But even if he eventually does. he’ll never forget her. Not for a single second. Even if she would be shoved to the back of his mind, he’d dug up for it again. She meant so much to him. And how Jisung will be seeing her no longer.

“Jaehyun stop I swear!” I giggled loudly as Jaehyun continued to tickle my sides. He carried me away from the cashier with his arms around my waist. I laughed out loudly and beg him constantly to put me down. He finally did when I gave him a hard smack in the arm and made him wince.

“You’re laugh is cute.” Jaehyun said with a light chuckle. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. “Yeah well you don’t have to keep tickling me for you to hear it.” I feigned exasperation, leaning forward against the counter to place my chin on the palm of my hand. “Really? Good to know but I’d still prefer to tickle you.” I shot Jaehyun a death glare and all he did was threw back a playful wink to which I responded with a ‘tsk’.

Jaehyun got close to ruffle my hair. And when he had his hand on my head, the bell above the door opened, signalling that someone entered. I swatted off Jaehyun’s hand, him laughing lowly at my defensive act as I pat down my apron. “Welcome to-” My voice stopped in its tracks. I was frozen. The moment I looked up, I instantly knew the person in front of me.

“Park Jisung.” I whispered, voice growing soft. I gulped, wanting to swallow away any feeling that might surface before I even continued. Our eyes locked. And Jisung... he was suddenly bringing in the sense of comfort through his gaze. I didn’t know how he did it. We’ve never met for almost two years. Yet here he was, suddenly showing up in front of my face, with not a single thing of him changed and giving me the exact same feeling I had back then.

“I’d like to talk. Over some black coffee?” Jisung offered, slowly pointing up to the menu, his eyes never leaving mine. I blinked my eyes rapidly and took this time to glance at Jaehyun, who seemed to he confused yet didn’t want to question or interrupt whatever was happening in front of me. “Why? You have no reason to.” I said simply with a nonchalant shrug. That was clearly a fake move.

“Just a chat. We used to be friends, didn’t we?” Jisung questioned back, pushing his shoulders back and allowing his chest to puff up ever so slightly with confidence. I didn’t know where he was going at, why he was here in the first place. Either way, I didn’t give him a reply, simply turning around to start making the coffee with Jaehyun giving me space.

I went to the table where Jisung was seated, placing the two cups of black coffee on the table. I took a seat at the opposite side. Tight silence circulated us. It made me want to choke due to how awkward it was. I was running my finger around the rim of the cup slowly. “Have you been well?” Jisung asked. “I’m doing great. Got into university and I’m working here part time.” I breathed out. “You?” I asked back. I was genuinely curious.

As much as I was able to get over Jisung, his unknown well being got me to he on edge whenever I thought of him. That could be said with my buried feelings for him as well. “Got admitted into an art school. I’m apparently capable enough to start my own dance crew.” Jisung breathed out a light chuckle and took a sip of coffee. “Look. What I’m here for is...”

Jisung closed his eyes for a moment before opening them back and have it darted to meet mine. “What I’m here for is that I want to start over.” I gave him an expressionless look, mainly because I didn’t know what emotion to show. It was all spiralled into something unrecognisable. A mix of lots of emotions. I had no reply for Jisung, which only gave him a signal to keep talking.

“Every day I’ve carried the burden of missing you. And each day it grew heavier and heavier. I knew it was the weight of my actions, their consequences. And I miss you too much. You meant so much to me, and you still do. I was trying to not break our friendship but I only made it worse. Trust me I regretted it everyday after that.” Jisung’s eyes softened and I grew weak under his gaze. It was gentle and light, it made me fall in a matter of seconds if I didn’t care to put in energy to have a guard up.

“And on top of that, it wasn’t just our friendship I missed. I missed it all. You. I didn’t get to say this, but I’ve liked you. And I always have. It was a feeling beyond the mutual one. It was something more and I came here afraid of how you’d think. I came anyway. Because I’d do anything to get to start over with you again.” I swallowed. It took me time to allow his words to sink in. I wasn’t able to form a reply right off the bat.

I did have feelings for Jisung as well. Though it wasn’t prominent at the start, it began to grew the more time we spent together, which was why it made the situation two years ago far more painful than it really was. Apparently Jisung felt that way as well.

“If I allow it, will you be my ukiyo again?” I whispered, looking down to my cup that I have yet to drink a singe drop of coffee from. Jisung leaned in closer and, his face now inches away from mine. My breath hitched in my throat. He still had this affect on me. The ability to have me frozen and stiff with his gaze and actions. It was something only he knew how to do, the only one who could do this to me.

“Your ukiyo, your Peter Pan. Please...” Jisung leaned forward to rest his chin on top of my head, tilting his head down slowly to place a soft, loving kiss on the crown of my head. One that made me feel as if he was touching something so precious and fragile, the most important thing in the world. “Take me back.” I closed my eyes and took in one deep breath.

“Take me back to the studio after my shift.”

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confusedlamp · 3 years

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Mental Health Strategies

I have dealt with various mental health BS (anxiety, depression, ADHD), and while I haven't gotten it all figured out, I have been dealing with it for well over a decade now. I figured I would make a list of coping mechanisms that have helped me and are worth trying out if you haven't already. None of these things are “magic” (just try this and your brain will be all fixed!), and obviously not applicable in all situations. I mostly learned these via therapy or from other people struggling with mental illness. This also may or may not be to help me have a list of things written down for when I forget.

Putting this below a keep reading thing because this got long FAST:

For depression funks:

-Find a small task you can complete. Wash a dish, throw clothes in the hamper, take out the trash, etc. Something small.

-Take a shower. And try changing clothes. Even if it's in to some pajamas. If you aren't up to showering, try washing your face and maybe wiping down with a wipe. But a change of clothes will still feel better.

-Eat something. Doesn't have to be "healthy." Some food, no matter what it is, is better than no food.

-Can you get outside? Doesn't have to be to excercise. Just sitting on the front steps for a few minutes in the sun.

-Doing something to take care of yourself. Can you brush your teeth? Have a glass of water? Brush your hair? Just pick one thing and so it.

-Plan something. See if you can get a friend to meet you to hang out (or zoom) or maybe for dinner. For yourself, maybe find a movie to go see (post pandemic). Preferably find something that has a set time.

For panics:

- Square breathing. Breathe in for 5, hold for 5, breath out for 5, hold for 5. Repeat.

-There are a ton of meditations on youtube. Search "5 minute meditation" and you'll find a ton of videos.

-After the initial panic is over try calling a friend. If you can't for some reason (sometimes it's 3 am or your friend isn't available), try finding some cat videos on youtube. I highly recommend Cole and Marmalade. Something light that will get your brain on something else.

For Executive Dysfunction:

-Remove steps to putting things away. For awhile in school, I would have a mess of papers that weren't organized or put away because I was trying to use a binder. As silly as it sounds, having to neatly align paper holes or got find a place to punch those holes, would prevent me from putting things away. So I switched to folders. Suddenly I stopped losing things and my papers were organized.

-Bullet journaling. Or rather, I just have a little notebook where I put all my to do lists, grocery lists, project planning, brainstorming, etc. I don't properly Bullet Journal (TM) but I keep all my lists in one spot and it helps.

-To do lists in general. Writing out steps to get something done. Cross things out when you finish them. You get a better sense of accomplishment.

-When executive dysfunction is preventing you from getting out of bed, break it down. Step one, sit up. Step 2, swing legs over side. Step 3 stand up.

-Same with any task. If it seems too overwhelming or you just can't bring yourself to do it, it might be because you are looking at all the steps and feeling it's too much. So just think about the first one.

-Alarms and reminders. I put everything on a calendar in my phone. Google Calendar allows you to set a reminder for events days, weeks, hours, and minutes ahead. You can also set alarms for things like "I know I need to leave at 3 for the appointment, so I am going to set an alarm for 2:45 to start getting ready." Do not rely on yourself to look at the clock. YOU WILL NOT LOOK AT THE CLOCK IN TIME.

-Set the dang alarm clock across the room. That way, you gotta get out of bed to turn it off. Once out of bed, go take any meds, or if you don’t have meds, go do a small morning task. Usually doing this small task is enough to get me awake enough to not get back into bed. If I do, well, at least I have taken my meds.

Sensory Issues:

- Fitted sweat pants and hiking pants. I can’t stand tight clothing, but I want to look presentable. Sweatpants that taper can still look decent. Travel pants or hiking pants (you can find these at places like REI), basically look like slacks but are made out of stretchy material. They also usually are made out of quick dry material which is nice.

-Fidget and sensory toys. I really like hedgehog rings which have these little spikes on them I can run my thumb over. Also the tangle. I have a tangle that has a rubber coating that has little bumps on it. What you end up liking might differ, but those are two of my favorite. Also, if anyone gives you shit about these, you can explain “it’s sorta like a stress ball, but instead you [whatever you do with this fidget toy].”

-Ear plugs. I wear these a lot because I have particular issues with sounds, especially certain ones. I prefer either silicone gummy ones or I like these that are “slim” because they don’t make my ears hurt. You can also get musician ear plugs that are made for musicians to protect their hearing, but still be able to hear tones and what is going on, for when sound is simply too load (also good for concerts).

For General ADHD things:

-Work somewhere different. This is a bit limited due to the pandemic currently, but just working at the kitchen table instead of your bedroom can help. In college, I used to go to the library to work. Just the idea that I was going to someplace specific to do a specific task, helped me actually get started.

-Promise yourself that you will work for 10 minutes. Set an alarm if needed. Usually just starting will make the task seem less intimidating. If 10 minutes is too much, do 5.

-Cardio. Get your self moving. This is good for a lot of things, but I highly recommend it for before you have to sit down to work on a task, like school work. I personally run, but if that’s not your thing dance, a class, walking, biking, etc. Just whatever you like.

-Time dependent things are good to get yourself going. Again, this is limited by the pandemic, but for normal times, can you meet a friend for breakfast? Can you schedule your appointment so you have to get to it before you start work? When I was in college, I used to go to morning gym classes before my first class of the day. This got me up and if I was 5 minutes late, it was better to do that for a gym class than a physics class. Bonus because it was exercise and I could focus better on the class.

-In classes, try to find a notes buddy or study group. That way, if you zoned out a moment, you can ask them for the notes from that section and vice versa. Also, meeting up with them is a great way to have a set time to study.

For General Anxiety/ Depression:

-This is going to sound cheesy as fuck, but: Make a list for what you are good at. Things you like about yourself. Things you have accomplished. They don’t have to be super deep, but can be. Do you like your nose? Can you paint your nails well? Are you good at understanding your cat? Are you good at writing? Drawing? Did you overcome a bad test and still manage to pass a class? If you have a friend or significant other that you are comfortable with, ask them to help maybe. Keep this list for when you feel like shit.

-Yoga. I’m sorry to put this on here because it seems like the most neurotypical advice, but. I honestly love this shit. If you haven’t given it a shot, there’s a reason why people like it. You don’t have to belong to a gym to try it. I highly recommend Yoga with Adrienne. She has some great beginner videos.

-Take breaks from social media and news as needed. Seriously. You are a single person and can’t fix everything. Do what you can (share the information, make a donation, join in mutual aid efforts, etc.) but doom scrolling and obsessing won’t help anyone. If you won’t do it for yourself, consider that burning yourself out will make you unable to help later on.

-Create things. They don’t have to be amazing. Crocheting, knitting, drawing, writing, etc. Having something that you can look at and be like “I made that” is really satisfying. Youtube has some great tutorials for pretty much anything. For drawing, I really like Proko. He has some great videos on drawing faces. But again: IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE GOOD.

General Resources/ Advice:

-If you are currently in college, most campuses will have groups for counseling and even limited one on one sessions. Usually, these counseling groups are free and the one on one sessions can help you find a counselor nearby.

-How to ADHD. Seriously I love this youtube channel. She goes over how ADHD affects the brain and has seriously helped me understand it better.

-The Trevor Project. For LGBTQ teens and youth. They have a hotline and many other resources.

-If what is stopping you from getting therapy is the idea that you are being dramatic/ are not that bad/ others have it worse: Go get therapy. What are we going to do, find the one person who has it the worst off than anyone and only they are allowed to feel bad and get help? Screw that. Get some help.

-Remember that there are good things in your future. Where ever you are in life, you have something positive in your future, even if you don’t know it yet. One day, there will be a moment when you look back on the dark times and be so glad you didn’t give up.

-Obligatory: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (1-800-273-8255). This is national suicide prevention lifeline, for the US. They can help.

-https://www.crisistextline.org/ For when you don’t like phone calls, try texting instead. Has US, Canada, UK, and Ireland numbers.

#well there you go #my post #mental health #coping mechanisms #adhd #depression #anxiety #depression recovery #mental health resources #hope this helps someone #mental health strategies

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peaches-writes · 4 years

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how to appease your asian aunties ch. 3 - spring break

* icym: this was prev. a guide to social gatherings but i changed the title bc i still think i’m funny that way

description: in the immortal words of blood-related aunts and aunts you’re not even related to but forced to call your aunt at reunion parties, “do you have a boyfriend?” member: jisung / han genre: fluff, fake dating au, implied rich kids au, eventual childhood / best friends to lovers au, college au, implied fem reader (but i still used they/them pronouns) word count: 5.4k chapter warning: food, a conversation calling out toxic asian family culture oops note: i’m not confident with this one bc i had to re-write this two times (?) with diff. plot directions + srsly idk what happened here what was the point am i ok + i didn’t post this accidentally this time !!!!

ch. 1 // ch. 2 // series masterlist

After seeing you and Jisung interact during your trip to the mall, your mom has started loving this new idea of you dating one of her close friends’ sons so much that she has not-so-discreetly started conspiring with Mrs. Han in order to see the two of you together as much as possible. From invitations for snacks and drinks at one’s house every day after school to whole-day activities on the weekends (usually to the mall or the cinema), it didn’t take long before you and your own best friend put two and two together and conclude that your respective moms have somewhat developed an auntie type of obsession over your fake relationship.

This idea that your moms would love you and Jisung together so much to this extent initially flew past your head when you started this fake relationship last Christmas. You were only thinking of casually fake dating your best friend, after all; such arrangement ideally confined only in social gatherings where invasive relatives and family friends ask about your love life endlessly. You genuinely did not expect that that Jisung would start tagging along to you and your parents’ Sunday movie dates and side with your dad every time you disagree on your selected movie’s ending; or that you would not be parting ways with Jisung after school anymore when you reach your house and he has to drive another block to get to his.

But for the most part, you’ve decided as the weeks fly by with this new added twist in your everyday, it’s fun and, even at times, cute. Though Mrs. Han dotes on you more now, like you’re her own child, and your mom is starting to be more talkative around Jisung since they now have you to talk about, you still get to eat snacks either your mom or Mrs. Han made, hog the extraordinarily fast wifi at Jisung’s house, and get free movie tickets and shopping bags from when you’re going out with the other’s family on the weekends. Plus, it’s made your workaholic mom come home earlier just to see you and Jisung lounging in your living room and Mrs. Han’s worries lessen now that Jisung’s busy with something else that isn’t academics or whatever it is he does with his Bumble and Tinder apps.

At times, it’s tiring having to hang out with your best friend under the guise of a couple, especially when you didn’t really plan for it to be this way, but you can’t deny that there are perks to it.

So, you wait more patiently for Jisung every day after your classes now even when he usually takes a lot of detours to see his friends before driving over to you on the other side of campus. You still hang out with your friends, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, after classes, of course, but you part ways with them just a little bit earlier now to anticipate Jisung’s Convertible pulling up in front of your building and unnecessarily yelling at you to get in even when he’s the one awfully late.

Because if you were to choose between your other best friends and a free expensive snacks, you’d always choose the latter without fail.

“You know,” Chaeryeong comments next to you on this particular Friday, stretching her legs down to the steps below you three while you scroll through your phone and Ryujin naps on your shoulder with her earphones still plugged in. “if I didn’t know that you’re ditching us earlier for free fake dating food, I would’ve thought that you and squirrel boy were seriously dating.”

“You always think we’re dating either way.” You roll your eyes, not even sparing a glance at the smug grin on her features. “Anyway, aren’t you happy we’re ‘dating’ now? It’s what you’ve always hoped for but, you know, fake.”

Only then do you turn to Chaeryeong over your shoulder, also scrolling through her social media on her phone. She meets your gaze after with a scrunched up nose and furrowed eyebrows. “Hm,” She pretends to contemplate, placing her index finger up to her chin. “I don’t know. I think I’ll have to wait until someone caves and you actually develop feelings for each other—like in books!”

“Seriously?” You deadpan with pursed lips, only making her laugh. “Of all things you could bring up.”

Chaeryeong shrugs in response with a knowing smile, chuckling when your expression doesn’t change. “You never know!” She replies in her defense, laughing all the way. “You did say after break that you’re just going to fake date if there’s an event but it’s Spring Break tomorrow already and you’ve been fake dating every day since classes started again.”

“Sounds like a romantic trope to me.” She comments last teasingly before you can even interject, swiftly dodging your hand when you reach up to try and smack her. Literature majors, really.

“For one, I don’t want to date Jisung, I’ve seen enough of him my whole life for that and I don’t think I’m in the mood to date in general. And besides, we’re only a ‘couple’ at home when someone’s mom is watching.” You counter as you retract your free hand back to your side, alternating your gaze between her and your other hand with your phone. Jisung’s last message is that of him informing you that he’s making a quick stop at the International Relations department today to hand Hyunjin his books ten minutes ago. Knowing him, if he didn’t get lost or got distracted by a kiosk selling coffee, he’s probably on his way now. “And you know I love free stuff, it just happens to come only if I hang out with Jisung these days.”

“So what happens when you ‘break up’? And I don’t mean the cute perks from the aunties.” Chaeryeong asks next, leaning back on her propped elbows now that the stairs going up to your college building have started to cool down from being exposed to the sun the entire day. “I mean, it’s back to normal for us as your friends—I do miss not having to remind my parents that you’re a couple now—but your moms are going to think it’s weird that you suddenly broke up and went back to being friends like nothing happened.”

“I already told you and everyone else, we’ll think about that when it happens.” You shrug both at her and the nagging thought in your mind that she has a point.

“And when exactly will that happen?” She prods on, smiling smugly at knowing that you and Jisung never talked about this certain part of your current predicament clearly. “‘Dating until everyone doesn’t think of Jisung as a fuckboy or when aunties stop offering blind dates’ sounds vague to me.”

You see Chaeryeong’s smile grow bigger when you don’t answer immediately, accidentally letting time pass until Jisung’s gray Convertible pulls up steps below you with an obnoxious honk.

“Y/N, my mom bought gelato today!” Jisung yells at you from his roofless car, his radio blasting Bermuda Triangle at an embarrassingly loud volume. “Let’s go!”

You then quickly shake Ryujin awake in response, gently moving her to Chaeryeong’s legs when her eyes open, before standing up and waving goodbye at your two friends. “Like I said, I’ll let you know when it happens.” You hurriedly conclude your conversation with Chaeryeong with a triumphant smile, making her roll her eyes. “See you after the break!”

Chaeryeong only shakes her head in disbelief, easily letting you go from her interrogation with a wave goodbye. “You be careful now, hm? Have fun with your ice cream, then!”

You chuckle as you run down the stairs, waving your hand up for her as you move away without sparing a last glance. “Don’t worry, I’ll take pictures!” At this, you open the front passenger seat to Jisung’s car and smoothly slide in, haphazardly discarding your backpack next to his at the back before closing the door next to you. “Hey, ugly. Glad you didn’t get lost on campus.”

“Speak for yourself, ugly.” Jisung teases back, shifting the car’s gear back to ‘Drive.’ “How was your day? You three look so bored out of your mind there.”

"Better now that we’re going to eat ice cream at home.” You put your seatbelt on as Jisung now drives the car home, reaching over to the radio in between the two of you after and lowering the volume. “Classes were tiring as usual. What flavors did auntie get, by the way?”

Jisung almost makes the wrong turn with your choice of words, quickly gathering his thoughts and shaking his head. “Fu—u-um, Ferrero, strawberry, and mint choco, that’s what she texted me.” He shrugs, making the correct turn to the nearest campus gate this time.

From the corner of his eyes, you nod with a hum as you sink back in your seat, completely missing the way you unconsciously caught him off-guard even with the screech of the car tires. “Oh, cool—no pun intended there.” You chuckle to yourself, leaning to the opposite side now to watch the college buildings pass by. “We’re watching The Conjuring 2, right?”

“Yeah.” Jisung scoffs, brushing off what remains of his sudden nervous feeling with the comment. “Tch, cool.”

Like every Wednesday and Friday that Mrs. Han prepares you after school snacks and drinks, you and Jisung go through tubs of ice cream and tumblers of water while a horror film is projected on the television of the Han’s ground floor living room. Mrs. Han, who has her office day off on Fridays, would occasionally drop by and either ask if the two of you need anything or comment on her distaste for horror under her breath.

“Oh, oh, dear.” She clutches her pearls dramatically, much like her son would, as she passes by for the sixth time to go to the kitchen and catches another glimpse of The Conjuring in the process. She then turns to you and Jisung after to calm her nerves, catching you still sprawled across the sofa with your legs lazily piled on top of Jisung’s.

Of course she’s seen you in the same position before in the few times you came over as one of Jisung’s friends but the sight now seems different under the guise that you and her son are a couple. Typical mom.

“Hi, auntie!” You greet her when you catch her from the corner of your eye also for the sixth time, waving your empty spoon in greeting with one hand while the other blindly reaches for Jisung’s laptop on the coffee table to pause the movie. Jisung hides his face under a throw pillow at this, already having enough of his mom snooping around for today and you giving her the time of day. Since when did you get comfy with his mom, anyway? “Do you need anything?”

Mrs. Han immediately shakes her head with a dismissive wave and smile. “Ah, nothing, I was just checking up on you two!” She clarifies again. “Do you need anything? Extra pillows? More water?”

You shake your head politely, holding up the water tumblers on your other side reassuringly. “We’re good but thank you!”

At this, Mrs. Han clasps her hands together in satisfaction. “Alright, if you need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen, then!” She concludes, taking a step back from the door frame. “You’re staying for dinner, right, Y/N?”

You glance over at Jisung, prying the throw pillow away from his face enough to see him shaking his head and making you feign a teasing frown for his mom. “You don’t want me to stay over dinner, babe?” You taunt with a smile, chuckling when he pushes the pillow back onto his face. Turning to Mrs. Han, you add, “I think Sung doesn’t want me staying for dinner, auntie, but I’ll gladly stay over if you want me to; anyway, my parents are coming home late today.”

“What? Oh, he’s just being shy!” Mrs. Han dismisses with another wave of her hand. “Please do stay for dinner. I’ll text your mom for you too.”

“Alright, if you say so.” You nod, giving her your sweetest smile now. “Thank you so much!”

With that, Mrs. Han then bids you goodbye and proceeds to the kitchen. When the sound of her stilettos fades outside the living room, Jisung removes the throw pillow in front of his face with a groan, scooting closer to you until his shoulders bumped into yours. “My mom, seriously.” He then smacks you on the shoulder with the throw pillow as you press ‘play’ on his laptop again. “Ya, are you seriously dining with us tonight?”

You kick his legs under yours in response. “I think it’s cute, it’s not like she caught us doing something weird.” You shrug in his mom’s defense. “And yes, I’m staying over because your mom is clearly cooking tonight and I can’t say no to an offer and free food.”

“I’ll have to get back at you when we’re back at your house on Monday.” He counters back, shamelessly dipping his spoon on the mint chocolate ice cream in your hands. As he bites on the small chocolate drops on the ice cream, a thought then crosses his mind and he asks, “Wait, are we still hanging out on Spring Break?”

You turn to him, swatting his hand belatedly before taking a big chunk of his strawberry ice cream. “I don’t know, my mom hasn’t mentioned anything and I don’t think my parents have any plans of going on vacation this break.” You answer truthfully before eating the spoonful of ice cream. “What about auntie?”

“Nothing from her too.” He shakes his head. “Though we’re definitely going on vacation this Break—my dad really wants to check out the new Jeju hotel.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Friday night, I think? We leave on Sunday.” He answers, taking a sip of water now that the taste of ice cream is now making his mouth feel sticky. He takes note of how you used the same word again, recovering quicker this time before he could even choke. “So we’re definitely not hanging out on those days.”

You hum against another spoonful of ice cream, this time from the Ferrero ice cream in the small gap between the two of you. “I mean, it’d be nice to be away from you for once—we’ve literally been joined to the hip after classes and most weekends since the New Year—but that would mean no free food which would be a shame; I really like your mom’s cooking.”

“Ouch, I didn’t know you don’t like spending more time with me just for me.” He clutches his chest dramatically, hugging the throw pillow again. “I thought you’d like this since I was away for a year.”

“We barely hung out before you even left.” You chuckle in amusement, grabbing the pillow from him again and this time lazily discarding it to the other end of the sofa. “I already thought you’re annoying the rare times we hung out before. Now, you’re just the bane of my existence.”

Next to you, Jisung laughs along belatedly, holding his ice cream tub away when you try and take another spoonful of strawberry from him. “Yeah but I’m the bane of your existence that you’re ‘dating’ in front of the aunties for free stuff and them leaving you alone.” He points out, giving in to you after when you almost topple over the Ferrero ice cream and handing you his strawberry ice cream. “So you can’t really complain.”

You roll your eyes as you exchange tubs of ice cream. In front of you, a jump scare goes unnoticed as you pay more attention to Jisung anticipating what your next words would be. “I’m grateful,” You clarify in a mumble as you chew on the ice cream. “But you’re still annoying as hell.”

“Not like you’re any better.” He rolls his eyes with another playful laugh, shifting in his seat. “Yeah, I think we shouldn’t hang out on Spring Break: we’re going to ‘break up’ if we keep meeting too much at this point.”

This time, it’s you who gets another thought at this comment. Shifting in your seat as well so you’re now facing Jisung, you ask in a change of topic, “Right, I meant to ask: when exactly are we ‘breaking up’?” You raise an eyebrow at him when his eyes widen in confusion. “It’s just that Chaeryeong and I were talking about it a while back and it had me thinking.”

“Hm? I thought we’ll do it a little after Chan and Miyoung’s wedding.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “There aren’t many events after that and I’m sure the aunties won’t bother you for a while since you’ll start working.”

“And if they do?” You ask back curiously. “Starting work at your own parents’ company while going through a ‘break-up’ doesn’t exactly guarantee a free pass from blind dates—remember the last time Yeji had a relationship the aunties knew about?”

“Right, that was quite chaotic.” Jisung replies, keeping his spoon in his mouth now instead of eating more ice cream as the unexpected question actually catches him off-guard. “But, I don’t know. I guess we can keep going a little longer after the wedding, until the aunties have someone else to bother or, you know—if you end up liking someone else.”

You then catch Jisung’s eyes light up at this idea and you hear him quickly add, “Hey, how about that?” He then removes the spoon from his mouth, placing his ice cream down in between the two of you. “You don’t have to worry about your elders and we don’t have to fake date anymore.”

“Actual dating?” You furrow your eyebrows. Jisung nods at this. “You know how I feel about that. I don’t think I want that for myself right now given the changes that are going to happen after we graduate.” You wave your hands around now, setting your ice cream and spoon down before sinking back in your seat. “And I especially don’t want that just for the sake of getting people to mind their own business; it’d be like giving in to the pressure in a way.”

You glance over at Jisung to see him nodding thoughtfully now, an unfamiliar look crossing his features before he meets your gaze and comments, “Okay, that’s fair—but we both know it’d be too troublesome to fake date for a long time.” He then sighs, sinking into his own spot and leveling with your gaze.

Suddenly, you feel a shift in the air around you as Jisung sets his ice cream down on his other side. “Aish, don’t you just wish you can talk back to older people?”

“Yeah.” You nod in agreement this time, pursing your lips. The air suddenly felt sincere now, a bit comical since the people keep screaming on the television in front of you but, for some reason, you don’t feel like laughing because Jisung isn’t despite obviously having the same thoughts. “I mean, we all know that the talks about dating and career and everything else are often in good-nature but a lot of times they’re just invasive and a bit rude.”

When Jisung doesn’t reply as quickly, you nudge his shoulder and add, “I especially think of the time you told some of the parents during Yeji’s birthday about your plans to study in Malaysia and how negatively they received it because they think you won’t graduate on time and that you should just finish college quickly and work.” Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise this time. “They don’t know how hard you work in your studies or how you really wanted to go abroad and explore and I really wanted to scold them for it.”

“Y-You still remember that?” He asks in disbelief, earning him a casual nod from you.

“Of course,” You confirm, your free hand unconsciously balling into fists on your lap at the memory. “I’ve never wanted to yell at my mom’s friends until that point even when you tried laughing it off so I’m glad you proved them wrong when you came back during Christmas and impressed them when they asked about it again.”

You see Jisung chuckle under his breath shyly, tearing his gaze at you for a moment. “You mentioned that night that you were annoyed. I never knew you were this annoyed.” He muses out loud. “Thanks.”

“Thinking about it now, I feel a bit bad,” You point out after, heaving a frustrated sigh. “You’re keeping up with fake dating me even though it just started as a little joke last Christmas to protect me in a way but I couldn’t stand up to you two years ago.”

Looking up at Jisung, he grins at you reassuringly and shakes his head, effectively easing the atmosphere back into being more lighthearted. “No, it’s okay.” He dismisses your frown. “Just knowing what you really thought then is fine already.”

“And,” He shifts in his seat after, transferring the tubs of ice cream in between the two of you now to his other side so he can scoot closer. “I get free food every other day from your mom because we’re ‘dating’ so it’s nothing, really.”

You scoff when he breaks out into laughter. “Right, of course.” You deadpan before breaking out into genuine laughs yourself. “What was I even thinking, talking about sincere things with you?”

The two of you laugh for a while, even more when Jisung pretends to complain that you just 'wasted’ the last act of the movie talking about ‘mushy stuff.’

“Stop complaining, dummy,” You smack his elbow, sitting up properly now as the credits begin to roll. “you entertained my rants instead of stopping me so it’s your fault too.”

“Because you brought up something of mine from two years ago!” He protests before moving away to gather all your scattered snacks to the coffee table, laughing in disbelief all throughout. “I had to respond or it’d be rude!”

You only roll your eyes at him, making the two of you laugh even harder. You then lean back on the sofa, stretching your hands above your head and removing your legs off of Jisung while he disconnects his laptop from the television and closes both electronic gadgets.

Turning to you, after, you see his laughs turn into a small sincere smile once again. “But seriously,” He says, glancing back at you from his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“For?” You prod him teasingly, earning you a groan of frustration from him.

“For almost getting mad at the elders?” He jokes back with a raised eyebrow before going back to being sincere again. “Nah, for being understanding with me and my choices.”

“Of course,” You reply casually. “even if we joke around a lot, you’re one of my best friends—well, as if I had a choice in that, you know me too well and too long.”

“Way to ruin the moment.” He frowns at you in feigned disappointment, making you chuckle, until another thought crosses his mind. “And, Y/N?”

“Hm?” You look up expectantly at him.

“We have to break up some time after the wedding but I’ll still try and protect you,” He clears his throat awkwardly. “from the ‘rude’ and ‘invasive’ comments after, I mean. You should do whatever you want to do freely and date seriously when you want, not when older people pressure you into it.”

At this, your gaze softens at him visibly, even more when he doesn’t make other hints that he’s joking. “Thank you.” You mumble, just loud enough for only him to hear when you see Mrs. Han pass by the hallway again. “You should too, you know, do whatever you want and date whenever you want to.”

Jisung opens his mouth to speak but, behind him, you catch a glimpse of Mrs. Han suddenly returning to the hallway and stopping by the living room entrance again, waving at you and unintentionally cutting her son off. “Y/N, Sungie, dinner’s ready!” She informs you before Jisung could even get a single syllable out, making him purse his lips in annoyance with his face hidden from his own mom’s view. “Y/N, I already texted your mom, by the way, and she said it’s fine that you stay over for dinner.”

You turn to the side and nod at Mrs. Han, chuckling when you see Jisung hiding his hands on his lap and exaggeratedly curling his fingers up in frustration. “Thank you, auntie! We’ll be right there!” You assure her, smiling up at her until she disappears back to the opposite direction of the kitchen.

Turning back to Jisung, you swat his finger tips back into relaxing with a laugh. “Guess we have to go back to adhering to the system and fake dating for now, though.” You conclude with a giggle, standing up from the sofa and fixing your clothes. “What were you going to say before your mom barged in?”

After a moment of silent contemplating, Jisung ends up shaking his head and following you, gathering the tubs of ice cream in his hands. “It was nothing.”

“Really?” You ask, elbowing him gently before picking up your water tumblers from the sofa. “Come on, tell me.”

“It’s nothing, seriously.” Jisung assures you with a laugh, walking ahead of you out of the living room and turning around to see you catch up. “Come on, leech, dinner time.”

You bump his shoulder with a laugh when you manage to catch up with him, “Shut up, you’re also a leech.”

“But not on this day, you’re in my house.” He corrects.

Dinner with the Hans regrettably passes too soon even with all of Mrs. Han’s questions on your school life and post-college plans; and Mr. Han bringing up embarrassing and, at times, even exaggerated stories from when you and Jisung were children. When Mr. Han is suddenly forced to retreat back into his home office to attend to a minor emergency (hastily bidding you and Jisung goodnight) and Mrs. Han managed to win in your argument over you helping her and the house helpers to do the dishes, the old grandfather clock at the house entrance strikes quarter to 9 PM which prompts Jisung to offer you company in walking back home.

“Yes, how thoughtful of you, Sungie! Do walk Y/N home!” His mom comments with a proud grin as she shoos you out of the kitchen. “I’ll see you after Spring Break, Y/N, okay?”

You nod, giving her one last side hug, careful of the dish washing liquid bubbling up on her pink gloves. “Have fun on your trip to Jeju, auntie!”

“I’d ask you to come along if it didn’t turn out so last minute, I did mention it on New Year” She jokes, much to Jisung’s horrified face. “Oh, Sungie, what’s that look for? Don’t you want Y/N to go on a trip with us next time?”

You giggle nervously, pulling away from the hug after and taking a step back to Jisung’s side. “Maybe next time, auntie? I have lots of deadlines this break, anyway.”

“Ya!” Jisung hisses at you discreetly, pouting again that you’re entertaining his mom’s antics. You only elbow him in response.

In front of you, Mrs. Han seriously contemplates on the idea before waving her drier glove. “Yes, it is quite last-minute right now since we leave on Monday.” She smiles fondly. “Next time, it is, then!”

“Okay, that’s enough planning for a future trip!” Jisung quickly interjects before you can humor his mom longer, placing an arm over your shoulder and turning you around to face the open door leading outside. “It’s getting late and I have to walk back here on my own after!”

You wave back at Mrs. Han, laughing when she rolls her eyes at her son before bidding you one last goodnight. “Goodnight, auntie!”

With that, Jisung gently pushes you into a run out of his house, haphazardly closing the door behind him and directing you across the front lawn, to their gates, then, finally, to the dimly-lit streets of your subdivision. You’re only pulled to a stop when Jisung almost pushes you to a car parked on the house across his, making you laugh.

“Ya, we didn’t have to run out so fast!” You protest, clutching your stomach with one hand while the other hits his side. “My stomach hurts.”

“You keep entertaining my mom’s ideas!” He playfully whines back in between tired pants, catching his breath quickly before throwing an arm over your shoulder. “If you’ll keep going like this, you might actually become best friends!”

You scoff, keeping his arm on your shoulder anyway as the two of you now walk to the direction of your house. “Watch your words, Han Jisung, or it might actually happen.” You warn him teasingly, adjusting your backpack on your shoulder. “Besides, I was just doing what you were doing on New Year—how did you call it?—’earning points.’”

“I also told you then that my mom already likes you so much,” He pouts, easily pulling you flush against him when a lone car passes by. Instinctively, he then moves you to his other side so he’s walking closer to the road. “You’re just going to be more annoying at this point.”

“Well, I like your mom, too, so I’m going to be extra annoying from now on,” You grin mischievously. “maybe until we ‘break up’ then everything’s going to be awkward for a while.”

Glancing over at Jisung from your side, you see him genuinely frown momentarily before sighing in feigned defeat. “Fine, do whatever you want.”

You want to ask him about the sudden frown but you end up shrugging it off as you cross the street to get to the right turn at the intersection. With the new direction you’re walking into, Jisung shifts you to his other side again.

“You know, it’s not like some car’s going to crash into us,” You move to his other side anyway and swiftly dodging another offer of him slinging his arm over your shoulder. “We’re inside the village? Where the speed limit is 20 kph?”

Jisung scoffs, dropping his arm back to his side “Your house is on your side of the street, dumbass, that’s why I moved you there.” And, as if on cue, you see your own house slowly coming into view among the towering gates and trees. “That little heart-to-heart talk we had must be getting to you, huh?”

“As if.” You elbow his side in retaliation, your backpack hitting his back slightly in the process which only fuels his teasing more.

“Aren’t you glad I’m here to walk you home?” He asks with a grin, just as you reach your gates. “Imagine if you got lost when we’re literally a block apart.”

“I hope the dog next door escapes and chases you back home,” You groan, walking a few steps ahead to open the smaller entrance on your gate with your key.

Behind you, Jisung only laughs, unfazed, before walking over to your side again and extending his arms out for a hug. “Okay, sorry,” He grins halfheartedly. “Come here, goodbye hug.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, swinging your gate open with one hand and stepping one foot on the other side. “What do you mean? My mom’s inside.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t hugged you alone in a while.” He points out while tilting his head sideways, earning him a genuine look of confusion from you.

“Ya, it’s not like we don’t hug platonically before all this.” He adds with a shaky snicker before pouting. “I’m going to get s—”

“Okay, fine.” You scoff with a small smile, stepping outside again to hug him. “Look who’s getting all mushy now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He shakes his head against your neck, reluctantly pulling away from you after a while. Rubbing the nape of his neck bashfully, he adds, “It’s just that—everything’s been a bit different now since I got home.”

“It’s mostly your fault—”

“—I know and I don’t regret it,” He interjects quickly, wiping the smug smile of your face. “since I’m doing it to get you away from creepy guys but it’s just us now and I sort of...miss being casual.”

Your frown tugs upwards into a sincere smile as you lean back against the gates. “We are casual. It’s just that people are looking now.”

“Can we hang out sometime?” He suggests with hopeful eyes. “just us, like old times.”

“You call it old times like it wasn’t just two years ago,” You point out, chuckling now. “But—sure.”

Jisung nods with a big grin now, excitedly shifting his weight on his feet. “So, see you after the Break?”

“Buy me something nice from Jeju then we can talk.” You conclude, stepping inside now completely. “Night, Sungie.”

“Hm, goodnight.”

When you accompany one of the Han’s family drivers to fetch Jisung and his parents at Incheon International Airport exactly a week later, you only expected to see the box of imported chocolate snacks Jisung promised to buy you as the only unfamiliar thing that you’ll see, maybe even an entirely new carrier with Mrs. Han’s vacation haul if she did actually spent more time shopping than working.

What you genuinely did not expect, upon finally spotting your best friend and his parents waiting for you at crowded Seattle’s Best, is him holding more than just your box of chocolates.

“Hey?” You wave at Jisung in confusion as you stop right in front of him. To your right, you catch a glimpse of the family driver, Mr. Yoo, greeting Mr. and Mrs. Han on the next table before obligingly taking their luggage cart. “Who’s this little angel?”

Only then do you notice the two other unfamiliar people with Jisung’s parents, eyeing you curiously and whispering to Mrs. Han, probably to ask who you are.

Jisung waves his hand at you once before transferring the same hand over the nape of his neck, “Y-Yeah, um, this is—”

But before he could even finish and maybe even explain, the little girl on his lap shifts in her place and jumps to stand in front of you. “Hello!” She grins sweetly in slightly broken Korean, waving one hand at you while the other clutches Jisung’s bear plushie. “I’m Kitty!”

“Oh, hi, Kitty!” You bend your knees slightly to level with her gaze hidden behind round eyeglasses, briefly sparing a glance at Jisung after and raising an eyebrow at him before smiling again at the little girl. “I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to...m-meet you!” She politely returns the gesture, hugging Jisung’s bear plushie shyly after and making your heart skip a beat. “Will you also live with us?”

“At home?” Your furrow your eyebrows deeply now, standing up properly and turning to Jisung who you then belatedly notice has stood up as well and slung his backpack and Kitty’s over his shoulder. “Sung?”

Jisung stands next to Kitty and places a hand behind her back, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Kitty’s going to live with us for a while.”

ch. 4 // series masterlist

tags: @t-toodumbtocare @sandaigdigan-reads @pwarkhans @ruellelix @malai-barfi @mahalau @milkywayfelix @qweens-stuff @tenclouds @crscendoforsung @verobibble

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athenasbloodyspear · 3 years

Text

Say Something to Stop Me: Chapter 5

Writing Master List | Say Something to Stop Me Master List

Please note: This fic describes depression, anxiety, panic attacks, past/referenced non con and domestic violence. Please read at your own discretion.

You all arrived back at the compound to find Tony standing on the landing pad. He requested everyone in the common space to debrief but not until after you cleaned up.

“Don’t get blood on my upholstery.” Tony yelled at you all as you dragged yourselves through the compound.

In the five hour flight back, you’d lost most of your steam. The adrenaline had left your system and your muscles were more sore than you’d been in a long time. Every step you took toward your room felt like wading through mud.

When you finally got to your bathroom you looked at yourself in a mirror, really seeing the aftermath of the mission for the first time.

You had a nasty bruise on your cheekbone that you didn’t really remember how you got. Your face and chest was splattered with blood. You peeled the zipper on the front of your suit down and let the holsters and weapons attached drag the material off your shoulders and to the floor.

You surveyed the damage from under the suit then, standing completely naked in your bathroom.

The kevlar could protect your skin somewhat from bullets and knives, but it couldn’t completely dull their impact. You had large bruises on your upper arms, and you had some bruising on your hips from where the repelling harness and tugged hard when Bucky had stopped your free fall.

Your knees were pretty banged up from where you had hit the roof after Sam dropped you. When you turned you noticed that your one shoulder, the one that you had shifted your weight to while falling to try to keep yourself from crushing Bucky, was a nasty mosaic of blue, greens and purples.

All in all, you looked like someone had used you as a human punching bag. Despite all that, and how exhausted you were to your very bones, you felt amazing.

It was the kind of amazing you imagined marathon runners felt. Utterly and completely physically destroyed, but you had accomplished something you thought impossible.

You’d gone out there, and done a mission. You hadn’t broken down, you’d bantered with your friends and you’d successfully gotten Hydra intel.

You were making steps in the right direction. You were starting to tread water in the endless sea of emotions you had previously been drowning in. You might not be on dry land, but you could feel the sun on the crown of your head and you could taste the wind. It was a start.

You took another scalding shower, wincing when the water hit the ever pulsing cluster of bruising on your shoulder.

You dragged yourself to your closet and glanced through your clothes. There was no way you could put on a shirt that touched that bruise right now, any soft brush felt like agony. You grabbed the softest tank top you could find, forgoing a bra, and using your other arm, wrestled it over your shoulders and on your body. Then, still using one hand, shimmied into a pair of your comfiest sweats.

You couldn’t muster up the energy to lean down to put on socks, so you shoved your feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers and shuffled your way back down to the big open living space on the main floor.

Everyone but Nat and Clint were there already. You figured Clint had used Nat’s shower, since he didn’t have his own space at the compound, and they were probably running a bit behind. You hoped they hurried their asses up because you really just wanted to pass out right there on the rug in the middle of the room.

“Someone looks a little tired.” Sam called when you walked into the room, causing Tony, Bucky and Steve to look up from their conversation and survey you.

“I’m a little out of practice if you don’t remember.” You snarked back at Sam. You couldn’t come up with anything more sparkly to say right now.

Bucky patted the spot next to him on the couch and you hobbled over there. You definitely looked like you were 90 years old, hunched slightly and trying your damnedest not to bend your knees more than necessary. You were well trained, but your body definitely had forgotten what it was like to get the shit kicked out of you like that. It would take some getting used to again.

When you turned around to flop onto the couch (you didn’t have much energy left to lower yourself gently) you heard a small gasp behind you. As you started your quick and non-graceful descent, two hands wrapped around your waist to slow your momentum and let you fall softly into the couch.

“When did you get this, Doll?” Bucky murmured from behind you. Sam, Steve and Tony were bantering around you and Bucky kept his voice soft, just for you.

“Oh I believe it was when a bird brained idiot dropped us a little farther from the roof than necessary.” You huffed. Sam looked over at you then, spotting the nasty bruise on your shoulder. Bucky shot Sam a look of pure, unfiltered rage and Sam just held up his hands in surrender, saying nothing in return.

“I thought I took most of the impact.” Bucky said softly to you again, the fingertips of his metal hand brushing so softly over the skin of your shoulder you almost wondered if you were imagining it. Except it still hurt slightly, even with the cool metal touch soothing the burning skin.

You hissed a breath through your teeth involuntarily at the throbbing pain. He quickly withdrew his fingers, much to your chagrin. “I rolled a bit. Didn’t want to crush you.” You hissed through gritted teeth as you slowly leaned back against the couch, wincing when your shoulder hit the leather. You shifted your back slightly so that you were leaning mostly on the other shoulder, which pitched your weight slightly in Bucky’s direction.

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “Crush me?” He shook his head and then quickly tucked a strand of your still drying hair behind your ear, almost like he wanted to be able to see your face clearer from this new angle. “I was wearing a kevlar bullet proof vest and a backpack to soften the fall. You just had a near paper thin scrap of kevlar between you and the concrete sweetheart.”

At this, Tony scoffed. “It is not paper thin, I would never send her out there unprotected.”

“She should have had a vest, Tony.” Bucky snapped back.

“Can you two shut up?” You moaned. “I’m exhausted. Can we just debrief so I can go pass out for the next month?”

As if you summoned them, Nat and Clint finally walked through the doors.

As Nat plugged the hard drive she had into a port in the wall, and Friday started projecting the information you’d all captured onto the walls, you felt yourself melt deeper and deeper into the couch. You didn’t really need to be here. You weren’t a keeper of information or someone who was needed to decipher codes, so you zoned out. Trying your best to appear present while also napping with your eyes opened.

At some point you felt a hand snag around your waist and pull you so you could rest your heavy head on a very large and muscular shoulder. Whoever this shoulder belonged to smelled delicious, and was so warm.

So warm.

You couldn’t think straight you were so sleepy. You couldn’t really remember where you were or who was around, all you knew is that the world of dreams was pulling you deep deep down. You wanted to close your heavy eyes and fall into it.

You noticed momentarily that you already had your eyes closed. You debated trying to pry them back open.

There’s something I’m supposed to be paying attention to. You thought. But oh my god I’m so warm and cozy right now.

You fell into it. This warmth and comfort. It was just too delicious to ignore.

~0~

You woke (it could have been 15 minutes or 15 days later, you really couldn’t tell) to the feeling of someone softly running their hand through your hair.

It felt delectable. The tingling in your scalp ran down your whole spine to your tailbone. It had been so long since you’d been this relaxed. Since you’d felt this safe. You took in a deep breath and buried your face deeper into the warm pillow under your head.

It was only when that pillow rumbled with laughter that you realized it wasn’t a pillow at all. No, this was a human being.

Worse, it was an incredibly warm and muscled chest that you knew well, as you’d been trying (and failing) not to stare at it lately.

The thing about your half awake mind is that you knew you were currently curled up in Bucky’s lap. You must have crawled farther into his lap in your sleep. He now sat with his back against the arm of the couch, his legs spread along the cushions with your body cradled between them. Your good shoulder was curled against his chest, you were huddled against his torso, your face buried in the space between his collarbone and pectoral muscles.

You knew all this. You knew how embarrassing it was that you had basically climbed the man in your sleep, but the only thing your sleep addled mind could come up with as a solution was to keep your face buried in his chest and pretend none of it was happening.

Okay. And maybe it felt really good and you didn’t want to move or say anything to break this spell. You could just pretend you were still sleeping right?

Wrong. Bucky knew you too well it seemed.

“Hey sleepy head.” He whispered, running his fingers through your hair again, from root to end, before starting again.

You sat up. Every inch that you peeled away from him was agonizing. Your skin was so cold where it left him. “What time is it?” You croaked, voice crackling with sleep. You squinted as you glanced around the common area. It was dark, you and Bucky were the only people left in the space with a few ambient lights still on around the room. Just enough to be able to make out the shape of the furniture.

“It’s somewhere around two.” Bucky grumbled under you, stretching his arms behind his head.

To your major distress, the action revealed a strip of skin at his waist and you could make out a spattering of hair and two distinct v-shaped muscles at the bottom of his abdominals. You quickly looked away, pushing with two hands on his chest to get yourself away from the man as fast as possible. Before you did something stupid like lean down and lick that skin.

Oh my god you’re losing your mind.

“Fuck.” You whispered, uncurling your legs and placing them on the floor. The debrief had started at around 8pm. You’d been curled up against Bucky for hours. You really hoped you hadn’t drooled, snored or farted in your sleep.

Or worse. Talked.

Who knows what you had been dreaming about.

You started to get up, but you were a little more groggy and stiff than you had realized and stumbled a bit as you pushed yourself up to your feet.

“Whoa girl.” Bucky chuckled, his hands wrapping around your waist to steady you from his position, now seated normally on the couch. “Okay Y/N, is this gonna be a thing you do now? Stumbling around and almost falling on your ass? It’s a little freaky.”

You whipped your head to look at him over your shoulder. He had repeated almost the exact words you’d said to him when he had stood at the end of the hall a month ago. After he had followed your drunk ass when you bolted during happy hour. He just smirked up at you from his place on the couch. He hadn’t moved his hands, even though you were completely stable now.

“Very funny.” You muttered, pulling yourself gently from his hands. Again, it was almost painful to do so but you simply had to before you did something stupid. “Sorry I fell asleep on you.”

Bucky just looked down at his hands where they now rested on his lap, his smirk still in place, “Anytime.”

You flushed. Damn him and his ability to always pull a blush from you.

You just turned and started toward the door to the hall, ready to fall face first into your bed and not move for weeks. Embarrassment and exhaustion pulling at you in equal measure.

Just as your hands started to push the handle to the door you heard his throat clear behind you.

“Um. Would you wanna maybe… go explore Brooklyn with me for a while tomorrow?” Bucky asked cautiously. Like he was nervous you’d say no. As if you’d ever turn him down when he asked for anything.

You spun around and let your lower back lean gently against the door, carefully avoiding leaning your shoulders against it. “Brooklyn?” You muttered. You hadn’t been back to the city since Tony and Steve had hauled your depressed shell away. You could face it though, if it was with him. At least you hoped you could.

“Yeah.” He muttered, his metal arm shifting to rub his hand against the back of his neck. He looked so boyish like this. So vulnerable and soft as he avoided your eye contact. “I haven’t gone back in a while. I just sort of… miss it. I thought you might too.”

Little did he know, you had no desire to step foot in the borough again, but you would. For him. “Sure. I’ll come.” You managed feebly. Your heart pounded a bit in your chest, your throat closing just slightly as it became a challenge to keep your breath even.

Even though you were pretty sure there was no outward indication that your heart rate had sped up, he looked up at you suddenly, his brows furrowed. “If you don’t want to come, you really don’t--”

You cut him off. “No. I’ll be there. Shall we say two?”

He paused a moment, studying every plane of your face. He must have found an answer to the questions you could see running through his mind because he finally nodded. “Two it is.”

“Cool. See you tomorrow.”

You spun and pushed your way through the door.

You only hoped the nightmares would stay away and you could get some more sleep before tomorrow. You were gonna need it.

~0~

You had been able to sleep for a few more hours after you’d face planted into your mattress. Apparently you were still exhausted enough from the mission to pass out until 10.

You’d gotten up, inspected your shoulder (mostly healed due to your super human tendencies, although there was still a good sized bruise on your shoulder) and stretched a bit in your bedroom. You didn’t feel you needed to work out today, you deserved a day off, but your muscles were still pretty stiff.

You’d gone down the common room, had a lovely lunch chatting with Natasha and Wanda, before you returned to your room to dress for your afternoon with Bucky.

You decided on a black soft tank top again, with a leather jacket lined with silk over it, to help with your still slightly tender skin on your shoulder. You pulled on a pair of loose light washed jeans and shoved your feet into a pair of red sneakers. You pulled your hair into a messy bun and propped a pair of gold rimmed sunglasses on your head.

You met Bucky in the garage again. He had just smirked at you before offering you a helmet. He must have remembered your remark from your last ride. He hopped on the bike, no helmet for him apparently, and waited for you.

The whole ride to the city you had kept your head attached to his back. You could see glimpses of the world whipping past through the visor, but your heart was fluttering in your chest with panic.

You knew you probably wouldn’t see anyone you knew (you didn’t know many people from your old neighborhood anyway) and you knew you probably weren’t even going within blocks of your old place, but the panic was hard to tamp down. The idea of walking those streets again caused your chest to seize in a panic. You tried to breathe slowly, using techniques that your therapist had taught you over your last few sessions.

You focused on the way your arms felt wrapped around Bucky. You focused on the feeling of the bike rumbling underneath you. You focused on listening to the sounds of the engine and the traffic around you as it got steadily louder the closer you got to Brooklyn.

You lifted your head when you felt Bucky downshift and pull off the highway to the smaller streets of whichever neighborhood he was taking you to. When you lifted your head to look around, you recognized the streets as belonging to Brooklyn Heights, the old neighborhood Steve and Bucky had grown up in. You knew it was probably wildly different now, full of new money hipsters and thirty-something wall street brokers, with little coffee shops and niche bookstores and overpriced sushi restaurants everywhere. It was far enough from your old neighborhood of Prospect Heights, but still a tad too close to settle the flutter in your stomach.

Bucky pulled into a small slot between parallel parked cars and cut the engine.

You pulled the helmet off of your head and tried to fluff up what you were sure was now a matted rats nest of a bun. Bucky took the helmet from you and put it in a hidden compartment under the seat of the bike.

“So old timer, where to? Your old stomping grounds?”

Bucky just rolled his eyes at you. “I figured we could just wander. Stop in places that look interesting. It’s all different now, so I doubt I would even remember where our old stomping grounds are anymore.”

Something in your heart pulled a bit at that. It wasn’t fair that everything had been ripped away from Bucky. He had never wanted this life.

“Alright.” You said. Softer this time. “Lead the way.”

Bucky smiled softly at you before starting to walk down the block, in the direction of the river. You fell in step with him.

You both walked for a couple hours, Bucky pointing to buildings that were still the same. A few spots he remembered going as a kid, but most he said looked familiar but couldn’t place.

You made it to the river and spent some time side by side in silence, staring at the Manhattan skyline. It was a content sort of silence instead of the oppressive open void of silence that had been your companion for so many months.

Your stomach rumbling broke the silence. Bucky looked at you and laughed. “Alright. It’s time to feed the beast.”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, punching him in his arm. “If I remember correctly, you were the one who ate not one, not two, but three burgers at that bar.”

Bucky just laughed again and said “Who said I was talking about you?”

~0~

You found a little pizza place not far from the river and ordered two large pepperoni pizzas. You walked back to one of the many grassy parks lining the river and plopped down with your meal. It had to be somewhere around 6pm at this point.

The anxiety in your gut had mostly faded away after the first twenty minutes of wandering around with Bucky. No one you had passed had really made a huge deal about the two of you being here. A few pedestrians had done a double take as they passed, but New Yorkers were probably pretty used to well-known people wandering around all the time, Avengers were no exception.

So you’d relaxed in the companionship of Bucky. It felt a bit like your time in Budapest, wandering the busy streets together. You spoke when one of you had something to share, but there was no pressure for constant chatter between you two. You barely even had to speak when one of you wanted to change direction to head toward a place that caught your eye, it was like you could read each other's thoughts and adjusted your trajectory accordingly. Like when you were on a mission together fighting at each other's backs, but this time the enemy was tourists who weren’t looking where they were going and socialites that didn’t look up from their phones as they walked.

You sat in the grass, munching on pizza, letting the crisp autumn breeze drift past. It was on the warm side today and the sun was still hot enough that you had shrugged your jacket off.

“I’m glad to see your bruise is healing.” Bucky said as he tore into another slice.

You hummed in response, swallowing your pizza. “It just looks nasty now, it doesn’t really hurt anymore.”

“I’m really sorry that I didn’t protect your shoulder from that fall.” Bucky whispered. He wasn’t looking at you. You balled up a napkin and chucked it at his head.

“Hey. Do not apologize. First of all, it was my fault for rolling slightly to try to keep myself from slamming into you. Second, it’s a mission. We’re bound to get a little beat up. I’ve had worse.”

“Well that doesn’t make me feel better.” Bucky mumbled. You just rolled your eyes, which earned a small chuckle from Bucky.

You sat in silence for another few heartbeats before he spoke again. “You did really well, by the way. I know it’s been a while but you were a machine out there. It was nice to see you…” he trailed off.

“Nice to see me, what?” You prompted.

He looked at his pizza, clearly nervous about whatever it was he was going to say next. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it was really nice to see you be you again. A swaggering, sass-talking ass kicker.” He looked up at you again as he finished his sentence. You burst out laughing, nearly choking on the piece of half chewed pizza in your mouth.

“Ass kicker?” You spluttered. Bucky was laughing now too.

“You know what I mean!” Bucky tossed the balled up napkin you’d thrown at him back at your face, eliciting another string of giggles from you.

You took a few gulping breaths, settling yourself. The sounds of the breeze and chatter of nearby people filling the space between you. “I know what you mean.” You looked down at your pizza sadly, thinking about all the time you’d spent locked in your apartment, or your room at the compound, missing out on days like this. Days that weren’t special by any means, but were magical all the same.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Bucky said, knocking the toe of his boot against your sneakers. “I meant it in a good way.”

“No, I know.” You blurted. You didn’t want him to think any of this was his doing. “I’m just… I don’t know.” You paused for a moment, sorting out your swirling thoughts. He gave you space to think. “I’m just mad at myself for spending so much time not being myself.”

Buck just hummed in response. Leaving the space open for you, like he knew there was more swirling in your brain but you just hadn’t organized it yet.

“Something…” You stuttered a bit. Were you really going to talk to him about this? “Something really bad happened to me Buck.” You whispered finally.

Bucky turned toward you a bit. He moved preternaturally slow, like he was worried if he moved too quickly he would spook you and you’d run off. He’d been waiting for this, you guessed. He had probably been waiting for you to finally talk to him since the moment he had grabbed your arm to stop your momentum on your way to the elevators all those weeks ago. When he’d caught you disassociating outside of your bedroom. He’d been patiently waiting all that time for you to finally be ready.

You didn’t know if you were really ready, but he’d been so patient and the ambient sounds of the river and the pedestrians were lulling you into a sense of calm. It felt like this little patch of grass in this park was a totally different universe than the compound. It felt safe.

“That’s actually not true. Well it is true, but it’s not really how I should have said it. I… I let something really bad happen to me.” You whispered again. Bucky was staring straight at you now, you couldn’t meet his eyes. You looked at the tree behind him, the few slices left in your pizza boxes, the river to your right. He was breathing evenly and slowly, like he was hoping that his own even breathing would encourage you to keep yours steady.

“I…” You started to open your mouth to tell him everything, but you never got the chance as a cool voice called from behind you.

“Glad to know some things never change.”

Your heart stalled in your chest.

No. No no no no. Not here. Not now.

Bucky’s eyes shifted over your shoulder to the person who stood probably 10 feet away, behind you. His brows furrowed as he took the person in. You knew what he was probably seeing. A flop of dirty blonde hair, intense brown eyes and likely an immaculate suit or a well paired set of athletic wear on a thin but muscular body.

Elijah.

You couldn’t move.

“You always were a lying bitch.” Elijah spit. Bucky’s eyes flitted to you. Your eyes were still glued to the pizza box in front of you. You were unable to breathe, to think, to do anything. You had been so relaxed sitting here you didn’t even consider the possibility that Elijah would ever happen across you. What were the odds? In a city of over 8 million, what were the chances that Elijah would be in this park at the same time you were.

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you could feel the rage build in Bucky’s body as he stared at your motionless body. He saw every strangled breath you tried to choke down and he turned an absolute lethal look on Elijah. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he’d gone cold. That the Winter Soldier was looking at your ex fiance now. But you did know better, and there were too many emotions swirling in Bucky’s eyes at the moment.

“Who the hell are you?” Bucky gritted out, his metal fist was in the dirt underneath him and dug in, like he needed something to keep him from launching up and wrapping his fist around Elijah’s neck instead.

Elijah’s arrogant chuckle rolled over your shoulders, causing your stomach to lurch. Why couldn’t you fucking move? “I think you know exactly who I am, you brute.”

You almost laughed at that. Elijah, perfectly plain normal man Elijah who took an occasional boxing class at the gym tossing insults at a literal super soldier with more kills on his list than Elijah could ever comprehend.

Bucky’s jaw clenched and he looked at you again. He was clearly waiting for some sort of message from you on how he should proceed. It seemed like if he had it his way he would probably strangle him right here in front of hundreds of onlookers and not give a shit.

“What do you want, Elijah?” You choked out finally, if only to save Bucky from the fall-out of killing a civilian in broad daylight.

“Nothing in particular.” Elijah tossed at you. You finally glanced over your shoulder and sure enough, he stood there in his usual running gear.

Of course. You thought. His running route normally takes him along the river.

You’d forgotten in the near year you’d been apart.

“I just was on my run minding my own business when I saw you over here. My slut of an ex sitting here with one of the very men she said she didn’t even work with anymore.” Elijah continued. You flinched at his words. Bucky became even more murderous, if that was possible. You flicked your eyes up at him, trying to convey that he shouldn’t engage. This wasn’t an enemy worth the fight. “I was just wondering if you could answer a question for me.” Elijah finished.

“What?” You gritted out. Your heart was thundering in your chest now, your muscles locked together to keep you from moving. You felt like you might start shivering soon, you were suddenly so cold and it only had a little to do with the setting sun.

“I wanna know how long after I left you it was before you jumped in their beds.” He hissed. “Did you wait at all or did you run straight into the arms of the juiced up freaks and fuck em?”

“Watch your fucking mouth.” Bucky snarled. His voice had pitched unnaturally low. He kept his eyes on you, as if he couldn’t stand to look at Elijah without trying to kill him.

You choked and coughed a bit. The panic in your stomach flipped the acid and your throat started to burn. You could feel tears building pressure behind your eyes.

I will not cry. Not in front of him. You told yourself.

Elijah just laughed at Bucky. “Did he do that?” Elijah asked. You weren’t looking at him, but you figured he was indicating the large bruise on your shoulder. “Missed me that much did you? Had to find someone else to bash you around when you’re being a cunt?”

Bucky launched himself at Elijah. Like a spring finally being released, he jumped up with no warning.

But you had fast reflexes too.

You jumped up between them, placed your hands on his chest to stop his forward momentum. Something in the movement finally released the panic in your gut and you felt tears spill over your cheeks and down your jaw. You were holding every muscle in your chest as tight as possible to keep from audibly sobbing.

Bucky’s murderous gaze shifted to yours, and once he tracked the tears he instantly softened and brought one hand to either side of your face, his eyes flicking back and forth between yours.

You closed your eyes and choked “Get me out of here Bucky. Please.”

Bucky didn’t hesitate. He wrapped one arm around your shoulders and one under your knees, hauled you in his arms, and began taking long strides away. He leaned down to snag your jacket, but left everything else where it laid.

You had the fleeting thought that you hoped someone came and picked up your trash. You hoped it was someone who maybe needed those last few slices of pizza.

Bucky was almost running, like he couldn’t remove you both fast enough by walking.

From behind you you could hear Elijah chuckling and yelling “That’s right bitch. Have your mutant monsters save you from everything. You’re fucking pathetic.”

Bucky squeezed you closer to his chest until you were far enough away you couldn’t hear Elijah’s taunting voice anymore. You could hear it in your mind, though. Your spiralling panic wouldn’t let you forget it.

Had to find someone else to bash you around

You’re pathetic

Lying bitch

His voice echoed and ricocheted around your skull. He was right. You were a pathetic liar who ruined every relationship you touched. You had lied to your best friends and strained your relationships with them, you had lied to your fiance and destroyed a multi-year relationship when he found out.

You were a liar. And a ruiner. A pathetic mess who didn’t deserve Steve and Tony’s trust. Who didn’t deserve that final dose of serum they gave you. Who didn’t deserve friends like Peter, Sam and Thor. Who didn’t deserve people like Natasha watching your back. Who didn’t deserve someone like Bucky holding you, carrying you away from something you couldn’t face because you were a coward.

You sobbed then. A loud, jarring sound that was ripped involuntarily from your body. If you had any room left in your body for more emotions you would have been embarrassed that you were falling apart in public, with hundreds of witnesses, and crying into Bucky’s metal arm again.

Suddenly Bucky sat down on what must have been a park bench, adjusting your weight slightly so that he could use the arm that had been holding under your legs to reach into his pocket.

Your heaving sobs continued to tear their way out of you. Your face was buried in Bucky’s arms and you were trying to suck air into your lungs but it felt like there was water in them.

You were fully under again. There was no air here, no sun, no wind. It was just the roar of panic in your ears. The world around you was muffled. You could only vaguely feel where your hips sat on Bucky’s lap and the band of his arm around your shoulders.

You heard Bucky’s voice, muffled to your ears like you were sitting at the bottom of the deep end of a pool, “I need the quinjet to come get us. I just sent you our location.” You sucked in another heave of breath. “I’ll explain later but I need that jet right fucking now.” He paused “I don’t fucking care that we’re in the middle of civilians.” Another sob left your chest and Bucky’s warm arm wrapped a little tighter around your shoulders. “I’ll grab my bike later. Yeah. Thanks.” Bucky wrapped up the call and slid his phone back in his pocket before wrapping his arm under your knees again.

Bucky started to rock your body very slowly back and forth on the bench. His nose and mouth were pressed against the top of your head as he murmured “It’s okay. It’s okay. He can’t hurt you anymore. It’s me. It’s me. I’ve got you.” You sucked another rattling breath in, not nearly deep enough to offer any release from the spasming in your chest. “You gotta breathe for me baby. C’mon. You have to breathe.” Bucky continued, his warm hand soothing strokes up and down your back.

You couldn’t. Your throat was nearly closed and you couldn’t open your eyes or lift your head. It was like you were frozen solid, drifting in a void.

Bucky kept murmuring into the top of your head while he rocked you. You felt your body grow lighter and lighter, your hands and feet going tingly and then numb as your panic grew and grew.

The last thing you were aware of before you lost consciousness was the sudden rumbling of the jet above your head and the thud of the ramp hitting the concrete.

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky fic #bucky

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shrinkthisviolet · 3 years

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Author Interview Tag!

Tagged by @maipreciation, thanks for thinking of me! This looks really fun :D

(Note: I’m keeping this as a running list, so if you’re ever wondering what fics im working on/brainstorming, make sure to check here! Last update was on 12/12/2020)

Name: Lavi! As of 12/5, I’m no longer going by my real name (see this post)

Fandoms: so many 😂 check my bio, I think I have them all listed. I’ve posted fic for Hamilton and ATLA, and then there was a huge Inktober compilation I posted last year with a whole host of fandoms. Currently, my major fandom is ATLA, and probably Kipo as I’m starting to move through S1

Where you post: I have an AO3 (lavi0123)! I used to have an FFN and a Wattpad, but I don’t use either of those anymore :/ tbh, I’m embarrassed of anything I still have up there 😂

Most popular one-shot: Most definitely we’ll give the world to you (and you’ll blow us all away), one of my contributions to Maiko Week! I’m not surprised it’s an ATLA fic, but I find it interesting that a fic with Izumi in it blew up so quickly. But hey, if y’all want more Izumi content, you won’t be disappointed 😉

Most popular multi-chapter fic: ...I’m really embarrassed to say because I don’t think I’ll ever finish it...but En Hamilton Heights is the only multichap fic I’ve published so it’s gotta be that one 😂 hopefully soon I’ll have another fic to add to that, since I’m working on one (sorry EHH fans but it’s been too long and tbh I don’t remember where I was going with it :/ I’m thinking I might orphan it)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong) for sure! It’s super niche but it’s something I wrote out of love for a movie I discovered this Halloween and absolutely love. Though all you’ve got to do is want something (and then let yourself have it) is a close second. Basically, anything I write that sounds absolutely bonkers as a concept is one that I love 😂 (and it’s no coincidence that both fics are Mai-centric! I love all my Mai-centric fics nearly equally)

Fic you were nervous to post: Is there an “all of the above” option? 😂 I’m always nervous to post. But in particular, I was nervous for if you ran away (come back home), because it was Mai-centric and longer than any one-shot I’d written thus far, and also you think this world is a dream come true (but you’re wrong), because it’s Mai-centric and a Coraline AU, which makes it BONKERS as an idea

Why was I nervous to post Mai-centric fics, you ask? Two reasons: 1) Mai is very different from who I am as a person (I vibe a lot more with Aang and Ty Lee, sometimes Katara and Sokka), so I didn’t want to upset the Mai stans by writing her incorrectly. 2) Mai is generally not well-liked in the fandom at large, so I especially didn’t want to attract antis who would accuse me of writing Mai as too emotional and loving (which is why I tried to justify that in my tags). Luckily, my comments have all been lovely, and I’m far less afraid to post fics about her now that I’ve written three fics with her as the focus! And the shoutout from @nonbinary-crafter-aang praising my portrayal of her?? I was touched 🥺 still am

How you choose your titles: Song lyrics or movie/book lines that speak to me, occasionally a pun. Remember that post I rb’d about how authors title their works? My tags pretty much say it all 😂

Do you outline: Ehh...define outlining 😂 for my one-shots, nope. But for my upcoming multichap works (see below) and Nanowrimo work (original fiction, so I won’t talk about it on here, but send an ask if you’re curious), YES ABSOLUTELY!

For my Nanowrimo work and one of my upcoming AUs (a Soulmate AU), the worldbuilding is so complex that it’s an absolute necessity. For the other upcoming AU (a time travel AU), there are just too many things that need to happen at certain times so as not to interfere with canon events, and things I want to change from canon and things I want to keep...I think you get the idea 😂

Complete: Basically my entire maiko halloweek series! Check it out if you want some fics about the most underrated canon ATLA couple :)

In-progress: ...En Hamilton Heights again...but not for long, sadly. Still trying to decide between a quick conclusion and just flat-out orphaning it. Still haven’t made up my mind, but either way, it won’t be what I originally planned, unfortunately.

I’m also counting my ATLA Soulmate AU on the basis of forever in my mind (only you), which has the worldbuilding and fits into the AU without much problem (the AU is going to be a series of one-shots, not a multichap fic, because there won’t be enough deviations from canon imo to justify multiple chapters. And one-shots are just less pressure for me 😂)

[EDIT 12/12/2020: added another fic because I’m an idiot and forgot about this too 🤦‍♀️😂 it’s a year-old idea that I started writing but I’m picking it back up thanks to the Heist banter in MatPat’s St Jude stream!]

-A fic series combining Escape the Night and Who Killed Markiplier (Heist and Date are part of it too, but only tangentially at the moment. Depends on how involved I want DA Y/N to be). Tentatively titled A Heavy Cost, and definitely won’t happen in any of Mark’s projects, but in a way that’s actually for the best 😂 the canonicity for me stops at ETN S3 (with some S4), then it’s canon divergence

Coming soon/not yet started: OOOH YESSS HERE WE GO

Okay okay sooo we’ve got two main things:

–An ATLA Soulmate AU, featuring platonic and romantic soulmates! I know I called it in-progress, and I stand by that even though I haven’t actually set up the series on AO3 yet, but this AU is about to be SO MUCH MORE than just a few Maiko moments. Because...drum roll...it’s gonna be entirely Aang-centric (with maybe one or two exceptions)! Like Mai, Aang is a character that doesn’t get as many -centric fics as he should (and being an Aang stan also isn’t unanimous for some reason??), so I’m gonna fix that. Plus I want to dive further into his mind, and I think I’m more equipped to do that than I was with Mai, since Aang and I are very similar in attitude.

–Bumizumi time travel AU, which can be read as platonic until the last couple chapters (it’ll be multichap) but definitely has a romantic agenda throughout. So just. Be warned if you don’t ship them. It’s gonna be chock full of comedy and antics! Also A LOT of platonic affection between Izumi and teen Zuko (and just between Izumi, Bumi, and the Gaang in general), because platonic affection is underrated and also I can :D I’m also probably gonna make fun of how some elements of affection have become solely romantic territory, because...um, no, hugging and holding hands and cuddling can be done between friends, thanks! (Maybe it’s the ace in me talking. But regardless)

There are also vague concepts I’m spitballing, like:

-Zukaang telepathy AU (Platonic Zukaang, the only romance I’ll ever write in ATLA is for the canon ships, prompted by a dream because apparently ATLA lives in my head rent-free forever now 😂)

-Evil Zuko AU (Azula doesn’t exist, mostly prompted after watching Aang make fun of Zhao and realizing that if Zuko had been in any position of power during the War...the Gaang would have stood no chance at all)

-Bumizumi Arranged Marriage AU (Bumi and Izumi both think the other is hotheaded/reckless (Izumi @ Bumi) or uptight (Bumi @ Izumi). So Kataang and Maiko (along with Sukka, Ty Lee, and Toph because...duh) set them up in an arranged marriage, with the presented reasoning being that they already know each other’s families, it’ll be a great symbol of unity, and this way Izumi doesn’t have to worry about suitors. They both agree to it (it’s arranged, not forced), and over time, they warm up to each other...and maybe even...fall in love?? Prompted because we need more arranged marriage fics! On that note, I’m gonna plug shadows and steel by @dearestpartnerofgreatness because arranged marriage needs more rep and this fic does it and with Maiko to boot!)

-Zukaang as Brothers AU (I saw a fic about this, but it wasn’t complete. If it’s not done by the time I get to this concept, I’m gonna write it, because just...imagine the possibilities! Zuko and Aang are already basically brothers in canon anyway, this is just making them brothers in blood as well as in their hearts. This is especially vague because I have no concept of how this is gonna work 🤷‍♀️ I’ll get to it eventually)

(Can you tell I’m obsessed with Zuko and Aang’s friendship? Because I am!)

[EDIT 11/25/2020: I’m adding two more because I forgot these have been swirling around in my head too 😂]

-A fix-it fic based on May You Always Be Satisfied, a backstory fic for Who Killed Markiplier by @blackaquokat! I recently reread it and remembered that I was gonna write a fix-it for that fic. Not because the fic sucks, it’s actually amazing! I’m just a sucker for the main (requited unrequited) pairing, and there’s at least five ways to make that pairing canon and avoid the mess of Who Killed Markiplier. And THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY OKAY

-A Finnrey fix-it for the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (this one is especially vague, and I probably won’t write it since a bunch of these already exist, but it’s fun to think about. Maybe if I ever run out of WIPs 🤷‍♀️)

Upcoming story that you’re most excited to write: I’m equally excited for the Soulmate AU and the Bumizumi Time Travel AU! I’m also excited for my Nanowrimo work to be finished, but that’s more so in-progress than upcoming

Tagging:

@nonbinary-crafter-aang @dearestpartnerofgreatness @ohsalamanders @blackaquokat (no pressure ofc, only if you want to! But please tag me if you do, I’d love to see it!)

#avatar the last airbender #atla #hamilton #maipreciation #thank you for the tag!#this was really fun :)#writing tag game #fanfic tag game #atla tag game #who killed markiplier #wkm #escape the night #etn

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yourkeeperoftherunners · 4 years

Text

6/8: Working From Home (Bat Hybrid!Namjoon)

Rating: G

Characters: Bat Hybrid!Namjoon x Reader (any gender)

Notes: Day 8 of my birthday surprise series. This is part of the Misunderstood Hybrid headcanons I wrote for BTS a while back. Please note that working from home can refer to anyone who does this and it does not specifically reference the current events. I got the idea to write short blurbs after seeing some comical pictures and moments in video conference calls of pets “helping” their owners work. All content is fictional. Please do not repost anywhere!

————–

You breathed a sigh of relief once you closed the door to your home office behind you without making too much noise. You walked to your desk and set your coffee cup on a coaster, while your other hand shook the mouse to wake up the computer.

It was a rare moment when your boss allowed you to work from home for a few days and you had tried to get up, eat breakfast, and get settled into your office without waking your bat hybrid. Thankfully he was sound sleep when you left the bed about an hour ago, snoring lightly with the covers pulled up to his chin.

You clicked open a few e-mails and read through them, before checking the calendar in the upper right corner of your e-mail to see if there were any meetings scheduled for today. Your eyes fell on the single time slot that was blocked on your calendar for a 30 minute video conference call with one of your vendors, which was happening in 15 minutes. Immediately you looked around for headphones or a headset that you could use during the meeting.

You quietly pulled open a drawer and muttered a thank you when you found a headset inside. You placed them on the desk and unwound the tangled cord to plug into your computer.

————–

Namjoon rolled over on his side and grunted when he saw you were gone already. He ran a hand across his face and yawned, stretching his arms out. His wings, which had been folded down, expanded outward when he stretched, tapping the bedside lamp. His head snapped toward the lamp and he managed to catch it before it could tip over.

The bat hybrid carefully moved out from under the covers and tried to make it without knocking more things over with his wings. His eyes darted every now and then to the lamps and bedside tables to make sure his wings didn’t get too close. Once the bed looked presentable, he smiled and headed to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed for the day.

————–

“I’ve already told you, we did not like the hand feel of that blank!” your boss sighed as your rep from the apparel vendor showed off a sample t-shirt.

You maintained a neutral expression, but part of you was grateful for your boss speaking up about this. Lately your apparel vendors had been trying to push trendy t-shirt and fashion shirt blanks on your projects and you were finding that customers weren’t loving the feel of these newer shirts. You tried explaining this to your rep, but often he insisted that the blanks were a hot seller.

A colleague of yours pulled up the selling report and read off the numbers of your best-selling shirts and compared them to a few test shirts in the trendy t-shirt styles that you decided to test in the shops. “Basically,” your colleague concluded, “they might work for other people, but our clientele isn’t loving them and they aren’t willing to pay the prices for them, even if they love the artwork or design on the front.”

“It’s settled then,” you spoke up. “We stick with the silhouettes that work. Do you have that mock-up of the youth tee you promised to have done?”

You muted your microphone when you heard a bowl clatter in the kitchen and you turned around in your seat for a moment.

“Y/N, everything all right?” your boss asked.

You snapped your head back to the screen and nodded, before un-muting your microphone. You jabbed a thumb at the door and explained that it was probably your roommate waking up. No one at work knew you had a bat hybrid living with you; instead, they thought you were sharing your space with a male roommate.

“Oh making a mess in the kitchen?” your colleague joked with a grin. “Y/N said they have a clumsy roommate. Nice guy, but almost a hazard to himself.”

“Then we will wrap this meeting up,” your boss said. A faint smile spread her face and she jokingly added, “Don’t want the roommate starting a fire while you’re home.”

“Oh very funny,” you remarked with a shake of your head. You prompted your rep to show the team the sample of the youth tee you asked for and the rep held up a tie-dye shirt with a cute graphic on the front.

Everyone seemed to respond positively to it and your rep made some comments on correcting some of the artwork colors and center placement on the shirt. You agreed with the changes and made notes on your notepad.

“I’ll send a recap by the end of today about what was discussed,” you promised. “Thanks everyone!” You clicked the End Call button and removed your headset, before grabbing your coffee mug to carry out to the kitchen.

“Nam are you – oh boy...”

Namjoon looked up from trying to look at his phone screen and he blinked, stepping back a few steps in shock when he saw you. There was a little bit of flour on one cheek and he had his sleeves rolled up, the left one starting to slip down his arm.

“Y/N, um good morning!” he said. “What are you still doing here? Don’t you have work today?”

You pointed to the home office and explained you were working from home. “I might have forgotten to tell you – sorry about that.” You crossed your arms over your chest and nodded at his phone, which was propped up against your bread box. “Trying to make something?”

He sighed as he nudged his glasses up with his arm. “I’m trying to make fluffy pancakes like the ones you get in Japan – one of my students gave me the recipe as a thank you for helping them in Zoology, but I should have assembled the ingredients first. I kind of got excited to make them and starting grabbing things as I went along, but that’s not working.”

“You want help?”

He raised a brow and asked if you had work left to do. “I mean, I don’t wanna get you in trouble.”

“I think I can take a quick break to help you get everything together in one place, then letting you handle the cooking,” you told him. “Just don’t burn the apartment down.”

“HEY!”

#BTS Misunderstood Hybrids #BTS RM hybrid AU #BTS hybrid AU #BTS RM #Kim Namjoon #tw: working from home #yourkeeperoftherunners original #number 3006

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c-atm · 3 years

Text

Fighting Flirty: Character Select PT4 (Act 4.3)

"Oooh, that's a beautiful shot," Alex grinned, taking a picture of the not couple standing back to back, fixing the wrist of their gloves. “and with that, we’re done with the couple shots.” She announced, getting a sigh of relaxation from the two.

As it turned out, there wasn't much official art of Shinji and Asuka together in romantic situations, and any scenes that did show them was kind of iffy.

'Forgot how psychologically screwed up Eva was .' Alex mused, looking over her shots. ' Ah well, that’s what model sheets and fanarts for...And boy, did I get some good ones then…'

Steven and Connie watched as the photographer started to chuckle to herself, both looking a bit concerned.

"Hey, you ok there, Alex?” Steven voiced.

“Hmm!?!” Alex looked up to see the two gazing at her, Steven with his arms crossed and brows arched while Connie had her hands in the jacket pocket smiling cheekily at their photographer, ”What?” Alex blushed, feeling the gentle tease in their eyes.

“Nothing, you. Um…”

“You seemed very proud of your work.” Connie continued where Steven paused.

“You better believe I am. This is Diamond status stuff you two gave me.” Alex praised with a grin, “to think I’d get two wonderful subjects. It’s a photographer's dream.”She laughed as she walked back to the desk, “come look at your shots, yourself.” she challenged, “You’ll understand what I feel.”

Steven and Connie took that challenge with a nod to each other walking back over to the workstation as Alex plugged the camera into the laptop and pulled up the catalog of pictures she just took of the two of them.

“These are some good shots, right?” Alex smugly asked as she watched the duo’s faces as they stared at the first picture.

It was a simple shot and the most current one. The two of them back-to-back, fixing their gloves while looking heroically determined as if they were going to battle. It was a bit cheesy but also cute.

"Look at how hot you are with your brows furrowed, ready to take on the angels." Connie praised, "not to mention how well the picture shows your body, Bisky."

"I think you're looking at the wrong thing Heartberry," Steven suggested, instinctively pulling her close to his torso as he interlaced his fingers over her stomach, "You're the one who is stealing the picture, with the way your fist tighten and smirk on your lips," He praised, nipping the back of her ear and evoking a small purr. "That confidence is alluring. Looks like you're about to give a class on beating down evil and making it sexy."

"That just…My 'Auska psychosis' acting up. "Connie leaned into his oral manipulations, holding his nape. " Hmm~mm, that feels nice . "

Steven laughed upon her skin, giving her goosebumps, as he went to the next picture. It was of Connie lifting and dangling him by the costume collar in anger while he looked surrendered, his hands up a sheepish look on his face.

"That’s a cute one." Steven laughed, "Really showed your 'mad bitch' in this picture."

"Not to mention my physical ability." Connie teased, "though holding 260 lbs of dead round, thick muscle is a lot harder than bench pressing your standard 320, you ok?" She rubbed his cheek with a smile, "Didn't dig into you, right, Mister?"

"Hey, hey! I should ask you if you're ok. You are the one who basically balanced my whole body on their forearms." He countered.

"I mean, you did take care of the strain when you touched down." She blushed, "I'm fine. More so than Alex was."

"You're small compared to him!" Alex exclaimed, "and yet; you can deadlift this burly man for ten seconds without shaking. - Clap! - What - Clap! - kind - Clap! - of - Clap! - training - Clap! - regiment - Clap! - are - Clap! - you - Clap! -on!"

Connie giggled at Alex's animated praise, "Trade secret, Alex." Connie shrugged, grinning.

"Oh, come on," Alex pleaded."You gotta tell me what's what."

"Now, if we tell you all our secrets," Connie leans a bit forward, closing her onyx eyes halfway as a slightly mischievous grin enveloped her lips.

“You might lose interest in us, and we don’t want that,” Steven added as he wrapped his arms over Connie’s shoulders, interlacing his fingers and gingerly resting his chin on her crown, giving Alex a similarly flirty smirk and gaze.

'These two! It should be a crime to be this teasy.' Alex screamed in her mind as she felt her cheeks glowed a little. "Yeah, like that gonna happen." Alex scoffed, turning away from her muses, "just finish looking through the pictures and while I set your camera for Connie's solo shoot in that costume." Alex hummed in pause, "Are you going to shoot in all those other costumes?"

"Yup. We need them for a project." Connie nodded, "Though, they won't be too big. Five singles each and five couple pics."

"Still gotta make it for the parade," Steven added as he kissed Connie's crown, getting a smile. "Though, doubt we'll be wearing these two to the parade."

"What you got planned, Mister?"

Steven grinned at her suspicious smirk.

"You two are adorable." Alex chuckled," speaking of the parade, I'm going to be there...So maybe, I can get some candid shots of you two, In whoever you two are going as."

"Alex, is that your way of asking to be our photographer?" Steven implored, grinning at Alex's sudden bashfulness.

"I don't appreciate the tease in your voice, Universe."

Steven's eyes widened a bit at the slight edge of her voice.

"Sure," Connie answered, looking up at Steven, who nodded.

"To me taking pics at you-

"To both, Alex." Steven clarified.

"You have a talent for getting the best shots of us," Connie spoke in slight distraction. Her eyes on a picture of Steven and her grabbing each other by the collar with angry stares. "This is a cute one too!"

"It really is," Steven laughed In agreement before turning to Alex, "That doesn't mean I'm letting you take my solo shoots of Connie." He playfully warned Alex."Those are for me."

"Thought those were for me." Connie's arched her brow at Steven.

"No, it's definitely for him/me." Alex and Steven corrected simultaneously, giving each other a knowing point.

"Hmm." Connie bit the inside of her jaw, " you wanna make this a game then, Mister?"

"A game?" Steven pondered, getting a nod, "what type of game, Heartberry?" He kissed her forehead.

"A competition on who can take the better photos and be the better model." Connie proposed.

"There's something underneath that... I know there is." Steven dipped down, capturing her lips with his own as Connie squeezed his wrist in excitement, "Talk, you mischievous Minx."

'This man and his damn husky baritone gonna be the end of me one day.' Connie thought breathlessly, "Oh, of course, there's something more to that, but you haven't agreed to play yet?" She bit her lips," and if I stay silent, you'll try to force it out." She gave him a slight shrug, "why should I miss out on that?"

"She is trying to get more kisses."Alex laughed.

"Alex isn't wrong."

Steven sucked his teeth at those onyx orbs that shined with a prankster's ambition. Those full-sharp lips in an alluring half-smile. 'This lioness and her damn seduction gonna be the death of me one day.' Steven mused as he dipped down gently and captured her lips with his own in an upside-down lip lock.

' And once again, I get to witness their very close friendship , if you can even call it that.' Alex smirked the camera once again in her hand, putting the two in her crosshairs. Watching his palms trailed the sides of Connie's costumed torso as her hands rubbed his whiskered cheeks, simultaneously pulling him deeper into the lip lock as her back arched due to his manal manipulations.

The slight peek of tongue every time they broke with a popping -CHU!- and rejoined. The gasping breaths that slipped from Connie's mouth, accompanied by his teasing little nips on her lips that made her eager to pull him back in. It was all beautiful, all sexy, playful and them, but she was waiting...Waiting for the shot. The moment that showed everything.

Even the thing they hid from themselves.

- click!-

' Oh! That's...That right there...That's the money shot.' Alex inwardly praised herself as she looked at her newest prized shot.

Both of their eyes half-lidded in a sensually adoring gaze with the bridge of their noses brushing against each other as Connie's fingertips gingerly touching the corners of Steven's lips, while Steven palms lovingly held her upper torso, right under her breast, and their lips met the others forehead, at the same time.

It was a quick moment, a millisecond in the deepest part of their world, a secret shared between the two, and it was caught on camera. As she placed down the camera, they were already looking over the pictures again

"Pff!! I like this... A lot" Connie laughed at the picture of her stepping on a spread out Steven.

"Bet, you would…" Scoffed her Mister, who soon rubbed his chin, "though it is kind of alluring, with how it's your toe and not your whole foot on me." The appreciation in his voice was evident.

"Can't say I'm surprised.'

"Oh!"

"You like being under me, Eh-heh-heh!"

"Cheeky Minx!"

"Yeah...What's you gonna do about it, Bisky?"

"Gonna put you through your paces during your photoshoot and then make you red-face during mine."

"I don't turn red-face, blushy...I turn maroon, heh. Besides that, you're running a lot of mouth for a 'Shinji' to an 'Asuka.' Writing a check your butt can't cash, Mister."

"Oh, you really are cheeky right now."

"As if most of your pictures aren't going to try to exhibit my 'cheekiness.' "

"You have a lot to show."

"I feel like I'm being slandered; you hearing this right, Alex?"

"Don't pull me into your competitive flirtation!" Alex yelled as she watched the two.' I should be working, but this is too entertaining.'

"It’s not slander if it's true. Not that I would slander you anyway." Steven said, rubbing on her knees, trailing upwards.

"Whatever you say, Hippy." Connie breathed a teasing whisper in his ear, squirming gently as she allowed herself to bask in the touch of Steven's hands on her outer thighs. ' This man and his touch.' Connie sighed.

"Hey, now. Just because I prefer peaceful resolutions doesn't mean I'm a hippy." His baritone voice argued with a grin.

"Nuh-uh, you can't back out now; you threw down the gauntlet." She nuzzled behind his ear.

"I'm trying to give you an out."

"Cocky and hippy, now aren't we?"

"You're to blame for both, you amorous lioness."

"Ain't my fault your hands squeezing my hips right now."

"Oh, it's definitely your fault, cheeky temptress. You heart-shaped, honey trap in red-latex."

"You know this and yet, here you are." She crossed her legs, "ensnared and entranced by everything under my navel."

"Who's cocky now?"

"By the way, you're breathing and staring...I'd say both of us...Though, mine is more mental and less physical ."

"Why'd you crossed your legs then?"

"Cause you like when I do or anything that has to do with my lower half, Hippy . "

"Upper-half too, Nini. The whole package is lovely."

"You're a hot package yourself, Burly Bisky in blue."

"You just like big guys."

"You're to blame, big guy."

" so we're both to blame for our preferences."

"Admitting you're a lover of the hips."

"If they're yours."

'I think that's a checkmate.' Alex chuckled, lifting her camera to Connie's adorable marooned cheek face, bit-lipped pout in a low glare at the smug charm of Steven and his smile.

-click!-

Just when Alex was about to sit the camera down, it happened.

Connie's face switched from blushing prey to beautiful predator as her thumb and index finger gripped his chin, making him face her before closing her eyes and giving his lower lip a nipping, suckling kiss.

Steven brows rose before the sensation traveled through his nerves. His eyes closing, his body melting into the kiss as he held her by the hips, instinctively kissing back, getting a swooning giggled from his Heartberry, though not as vigorously, willingly being led by her in this lip lock.

She broke the kiss with a clipping -chu !-, licking her as she opened her eyes to a dazed and lovestruck Mister, feeling herself slowly fall into the same state. "Since you love my hips so much.." she chuckled like a fox, grinned like a jackal, "I expect you to show that reverence in your pictures." and spoke like an empress.

A conquering empress, treasuring her most precious heirloom as she thumbed his lips. Her onyx eyes steeled as they were, glowed with passion, affection, playfulness, and protection. All while being the target of Steven's dreamlike gaze and pink-cheeked smile as he nodded.

-click!-

' She took the win from defeat.' Alex surmised, looking at the last two pictures. 'These two...God damn...Can’t wait to see how they act during their head-to-head photoshoots'

"Well, then." Connie stood with a stretch giving him a peck on the nose before bounding back on the stage. Turning on her right foot to face Steven and Alex, the not quite yet birthday-girl bent forward by her waist, letting her hair hang low, pulling the hat down, so the brim shadowed her left eye."I'm ready for my close up, Mr.Universe."Connie breathed out flirtatiously before she gave a small toothy snicker.

'God damn. She can switch from cunning and amorous to cute and adorable at a drop .' Both Steven and Alex thought, both red-face.

"Good-luck."Alex teased, handing Steven the camera, who nodded before turning and walking towards the stage. Stopping just foot away from it and six from Connie.

"Ten shots." Steven started. "Ten shots to make me fall for you...want you."

"More than you already are and do, you mean." Connie countered with a lick of her top front teeth.

"Cheeky. "

" And love it…" She teased, patting her hip. "You got ten-shots to make me squirm and blush involuntarily."

"So you gotta charm me."

"And you gotta break my character."

The two stared at each other before laughing. Excitement surging through them over the new game.

The new bond and memory to be had.

"Good-luck, Heartberry." Steven teased with adoration and competitiveness on his tongue.

"Good luck to you too, Mister." Enamored heart and a hunger to win fueled her reply, " make me beautiful."

"You already are...Now give me, dynamic."

#fighting flirty #steven universe #connverse #connie maheswaran #steven universe future #steven universe fanfiction #steven and connie #older steven #older connie #connverse fanfic

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kyuflix · 4 years

Text

➤ 𝐈'𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄| 𝐒𝐞𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: angst as always, tiny fluff at the beginning if you squint

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: weapons, violence, blood, a lot of swearing, some creepy guy, a little/tiny plot twist at the end

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: changbin was always there for Y/N. right?

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: +4k (almost 5k)

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊: this took me so long because of school oh my god. but now that I’m on holiday, i have more time to write. at least I hope so. i hope you enjoy this! and let me know if you caught my little plot twist. it isn’t one directly but one for me because i actually didn’t plan for it to end the way it did. anyway, i hope you enjoy it!

That’s it. That's finally it. You handed in your last project to your professor. You bowed at him with a small smile and walked out of the room. Once you closed the door a heavy sigh escaped your lips. With closed eyes, you leaned against the wall and took a deep breath.

“Yo, you finally finished?” To say you were shocked was an understatement, you flinched, a small scream rippling through your throat and banged your elbow against the wall.

“What in the actual-” when you opened your eyes your expression darkened immediately as you saw the small smirk on his lips. You furrowed your eyebrows and shot your hands in the air. “Changbin what the fuck! Are you trying to kill me?” Said boy laughed and leaned his side against the wall, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Actually, I’m not. Now move aside shorty, you’re not the only one that has to hand in their projects.” Your scowl deepened at the choice of his nickname and you puffed your cheeks as you crossed your arms in front of your chest like him. “I am not short, thank you very much! Besides you’re short yourself!”

A chuckle left his lips as he pushed himself off the wall and walked toward you. As he was only inches away from you he leaned into your ear and whispered. “Still taller than you. Shorty.” With that he opened the door and disappeared into the room, leaving you with a blushed face and all flustered. “Seriously what’s with this guy.” You mumbled under your breath and started walking in the direction of your locker.

As you opened your locker, a small note flew out of it and landed on the ground. You cocked your head to the side and bent down to pick it up. “I’m watching you.” You read out loud. You took a good look around you, nothing. The hall was completely empty besides you. “Must be some kind of prank.” You mumbled and threw the little note in the nearest trashcan. With your books now in your locker, you locked it again, your feet carrying to the library.

You spent most of your time in the library to study as much as you could as it was exam season. Not this time though, you were finally finished with writing all of your exams, essays, and projects. Now you could enjoy the next weeks with no studying. Maybe hang out with your friends again, as you were so busy with school stuff you didn’t hang out with any of them.

The library was empty, just like you expected at this time of the day. It was currently lunch, so the students were all gathered in the cafeteria. Well most of the students, some just kept lounging on the school grounds or in your case in the library.

You placed your backpack on a chair and wandered to the section of the library that had your favorite books in it. You skimmed the titles, looking for something that caught your interest. You slid your fingers over the back of the books. You took out one of your favorite books and slid your fingers over its cover as you walked back to your seat, only to find it already taken by none other then Changbin.

You sighed as your eyes landed on his figure casually sitting there his head propped up by his hands behind his head and his legs crossed over the chair next to him with his eyes closed. A small smirk crept on your lips as you an idea went to your mind. Slowly, you tiptoed as to not make any sounds behind him and slammed the book onto the desk with all of your might.

Changbin jumped out of the chair and landed on the ground, his eyes wide. You bit your lip to try and not laugh but you couldn’t hold it in and started laughing. Changbin looked at you through hooded eyes with a scowl on his face as he stood up and rubbed his back. “Very funny shorty.” You nodded with a smile on your face and pointed your finger at him. “Payback bitch.” Your smile grew wider and you plopped down on the seat, previously occupied by Changbin. He shook his head but couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as you kept laughing at him. “I guess I deserved that.” He shrugged and sat back down.

You opened the book and took a quick glance at Changbin who was already looking at you. “What?”

“What?” He mimicked you with a smirk and you groaned. “What do you want? You’re following me. Why are you not with the others. Did you fight again? Changbin I swear to god if you-” He cut you off. “No, I didn’t. Everything’s okay. Are you though?” His question caught you off guard. You blinked a few times and furrowed your eyebrows.

“What do you mean. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Bullshit Y/N. I know you since we’ve been kids and I think I know you very well. So what is it? Do you think that I haven’t been noticing your eyebags or that you’ve gotten visibly thinner? Tell me what’s wrong, you know you can talk to me Y/N.” You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. “I told you everything’s fine Changbin.” You spoke through gritted teeth and looked away. You couldn’t meet his stare. Not when you were lying to him and Changbin perfectly knew that.

“Y/N I know you. We’ve been the closest friends since forever. Now tell me what’s been bothering you. You know that I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on so tell me.” He put his hand on your arm and gently stroked it.

You blinked back the tears that were forming in your eyes. You smiled and looked at him. “I just feel so empty right now Changbin. I’ve been studying my ass off, just living off of tons of coffee. My parents constantly shout at me for doing something wrong. I-I just can’t take this anymore. On top of that work is just complete shit. The customers are all so rude. My boss always makes me work overtime these days. It’s all too much.” Changbin pulled you in his arms and you broke down. He patted your back to try and comfort you as he couldn’t form words that would comfort you.

You sniffled and pulled back wiping your tears away. You smiled at him and smiled back at you as he wiped a stray tear away. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’m here for you you know? If you need a place to crash, I’m here. If you want to talk, I’m here. If you want someone to talk some fucking sense into your boss, I’m here. Y/N, I’m here. I’ve always been and always will. You pulled him back into a hug and nuzzled your face into his neck.

’‘Thank you Changbin. I love you.” He was sure that you didn’t mean it in the way he wanted you to, but he couldn’t help himself as his face flushed and his heart started beating faster.

Oh, how whipped he was for you. He would do anything for you.

“Y/N, a frappuccino for table 7!” You sighed and started working on the order. Your eyes followed the retreating figure of your coworker, as she put on her coat, bid your boss goodnight and walk out of the door. You scowled, you were supposed to already be out this cafe 2 hours ago. But once again, your boss made you work overtime. And of course, as if it couldn’t even get any worse, he didn’t even pay you the time you worked overtime. So needless to say; it’s complete shit.

You rubbed your tired eyes and put the frappuccino on a plate. You walked to table 7 and put the drink down onto the table. “Your drink, sir.” You smiled at him and disappeared back to the machines. You didn’t notice how the guy you just served his drink to, kept staring at you as you continue your work.

A few minutes later another coworker swapped places with you, stating that they were getting creeped out by this one guy that kept staring at them and smiling creepily. You didn’t even listen, you just walked to the front and put on a small, tired smile.

'Breathe in and breathe out, you got this.’ An hour past and you looked at the clock. 23:04.

Your shift was supposed to end 3 hours ago. You sighed for the nth time that day and went back to work. Ten minutes later your boss came to you and told you that you could go home. You thanked him and put your coat on. When you stepped out of the cafe and started your route back home, you didn’t notice that the guy who was staring at you the whole time you worked was following you. Still unaware, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and plugged your earphones in. Maybe a little music will let you relax, right?

It seemed like the world wanted to laugh you in the face that day as a cold hand wrapped around your throat from behind you. A shriek escaped your lips and your eyes widened. Your body went into complete shock. You couldn’t move. The guy ripped the earphones out of your ears and threw them to the ground. He leaned in and you could feel his breath on your neck. He took a shaky breath and gripped your throat a little tighter. “Hello, doll.”

Changbin’s head spun around as a scream disrupted the silence of the night. He looked back at the figure he pushed to the wall just a few moments ago. He sighed and took the gun from his back pocket. With a 'click’ Changbin readied the gun and aimed it at the target. “Orders from the boss.” He smiled at the figure and pulled the trigger. Blood splattered over his white shirt and he shook his head. “God damn it.”

Another scream echoed through the night and Changbin took off in its direction. Multiple screams followed and he sped his pace up. When Changbin reached the place, a guy was bent over a girl. As he stepped closer, he silently took his gun again and aimed it at the guy. “Come on baby! Don’t be so persistent! I just want to have some fun!” “Get off her.” The guy’s head spun around, the smirk still on his face, but it quickly disappeared when he saw the gun Changbin aimed at him.

Changbin’s eyes widened and a gasp escaped his lips as the light of the street light illuminated the girl’s face. “Y/N? What in the actual fuck?” You looked at him with tears rolling down your cheeks and your lip quivering. The guy looked back at you with a smirk now on his face again. “Ahh, so you know this guy huh? Is he your boyfriend?” He leaned closer to you again, so close that only a few inches were left between you. You could feel his hot breath on you and closed your eyes. Whimpers escaped from your lips and you pressed your cheek against the street more.

“I said get off her!” Changbin readied his gun once more and with a click, the safety was gone. Changbin was a lot closer than he was before. He pushed the head of his gun against the guy’s head. “I’ll say it again, one last time. Get off her. Or I swear I’m gonna blast this bullet right through your fucking skull.”

The guy stood up from your figure and you immediately curled into a ball, the only sound that was your sobs. The guy turned around slowly and with a wicked grin plastered on his face, he cocked his head at Changbin and tried to run away.

Changbin took off after him and tackled him to the ground. He pushed his gun against the guy’s head one more time. But the gun was quickly tossed out of his hand. The guy punched Changbin in the face and scrambled toward the gun. Changbin shook his head and swiped his lip, a little stripe of blood coating his finger now. He quickly got up again and ran after the guy, in hopes to get his gun back again.

He stopped in his tracks as he saw your figure hovering over the guy who kneeled on the ground before you. You held his gun in your hand and aimed it at the man in front of you. He quickly composed himself again and stepped beside you. He took your hands in his and guided your hand toward the guy’s head. Changbin leaned in and whispered in your ear.

“Are you sure you want to do this?.” You shook your head vigorously with tears streaming down your face and Changbin felt your hands going numb around his. He nodded and took his gun again. “I’ll call of one my friends and you’re going to be so fucking sorry that you hurt her when they’re done with you.” Changbin directed his speech toward the man and leaned in closer so you wouldn’t hear what he was about to say next.

“They’ll torture you to no end, maybe slice a few parts of your skin. Who knows? Who knows if you will even come out of this situation alive.” He pulled back and wrapped his arms around you, calling his one of his friends, his eyes never leaving the guy who curled up in a ball. Pathetic.

Changbin rolled his eyes and dialed Felix’s number again. Even though Felix was one of the younger ones in the mafia he was certainly one of the strongest. He was the second-best in hand combat after his other friend Minho. His flexible muscles allowed him to be quick on his feet and dodge quite well and he threw good punches. Changbin scoffed at the memory of him and Felix practicing hand-to-hand combat.

“Come on, Felix! Is that all you got?” Changbin shouted at Felix across the practice room and the younger one smirked. Felix got into another fighting position. He put his right foot behind his left one and bend his knees. With a shrug of his shoulders, Felix put his arms in front of his face, ready to punch. Changbin took off in Felix’s direction and lifted his hand, ready to punch him.

Felix smirked as he saw the wide space Changbin left between his legs and crouched down and slid through the space of them. In the next moment, he was on his feet again and threw a punch between Changbin’s shoulderblades. The boy fell to the mat upon impact and rolled on his back to face Felix. “Where in the actual fuck did you learn that?”

Changbin stood up by Felix’s help and rubbed the place that just took a good punch. “You don’t want to know, trust me.” Felix responded in his deep voice and flashed Changbin a little smirk as he heard the older one wince slightly as he kept rubbing his shoulders. Changbin watched in surprise as Felix left the room.

“Fucking hell, Felix pick up!” Changbin screamed at his phone and apologized as he saw you flinching in the corner of his eyes. Changbin groaned and decided to call his leader, Chan. He knew that Chan would pick up and he did. “What’s wrong Changbin?” The voice of his leader filled the silence and he sighed.

“Well, I have a little problem over here. I’ll explain once I’m back, but please send a car over here right now. I’ll send you the coordinates.” Changbin ended the call and turned toward you. You were staring intently at the guy, who assaulted you a few moments prior. Changbin waved a hand in front of your face and smiled slightly as he saw you flinch a little.

“You okay, shorty?” You nodded hesitantly and Changbin took you in his arms. You immediately wrapped your arms around his torso. As Changbin stroke your back in an attempt to calm you down your shoulders began shaking and choked up sobs escaped your throat. He pulled back from the hug and looked deep into your eyes. “I’ll protect you from now on Y/N. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to your ever again, I promise.”

You nodded and closed your eyes for a moment but opened them quickly. “If I close my eyes I s-see the things that he…” You trailed off and tears rolled down your cheeks again. Changbin wiped them away with his thumb and took you in his arms again.

Almost 5 minutes later a black, expensive-looking car strode to a stop in front of your figures. Out came a guy you have never seen before, not that you expected it. “Get in.” The unknown guy commanded and got back in the driver’s seat. Changbin took the guy who assaulted you and pushed him in the car harshly, next he helped you in the car and got in himself. The guy on the left seat, Changbin in the middle and you on the right. Changbin still had his gun in his hand, just in case your assaulter tried something.

The man who drove the car looked in the rearview mirror and began talking. “What happened Changbin?’'

’'Honestly, I don’t know myself, Hyunjin. I was after our target, you know? I heard Y/N scream so I fulfilled the mission and rushed to help. That dude was all over her and assaulted her.” Changbin purposefully avoided the word 'kill’ and shook his head a little.

“I understand.” Hyunjin said and gripped the steering wheel tighter as he sped up. “Everything alright there Y/N?” Your head shot up at the question and you looked into Hyunjin’s eyes through the rearview mirror. He seems nice. “Oh yes, I’m okay.” You nodded in a sorry attempt to convince yourself that you were indeed fine. Changbin placed his right hand over your left one and squeezed it.

You gave him a weak smile and put your head on his shoulder. Changbin put his head on yours and could feel you relax a little as your breathing got slower. You fell asleep.

When you woke up a black ceiling filled your view. You furrowed your eyebrows and sat into an upright position on a bed. This certainly wasn’t your bed, neither your ceiling. You definitely weren’t in your room. You stood up from the bed and took a look at the white sheets that contrasted the stark colors of black and red on the walls. You walked over to a little nightstand and took the photo that on it in your hands. You recognized Changbin on the picture but not the other people on it. You put the photo back on the nightstand and went out of the room.

Out of the room, you were met with a completely white-gold, marble hallway. Two staircases connected the level you were one to the main hallway. When you looked down a white piano was standing in the middle of the main hallway. To your left, the marble became darker in color. A transition from white marble to black marble. The walls were decorated with pictures of all kinds of flowers, with the exception of a few doors here and there. And to your right the exact same copy of the left wing.

There were 9 doors in total. Eight of them you couldn’t look through and you didn’t dare to. One of them was Changbin’s bedroom as you discovered. The door that was in the middle of the hallway was made of glass. You walked through it and stood on a balcony now. You walked to the fence and turned around as you took a good look around the balcony. It was full of plants and flowers, just like the pictures in the hallway.

You turned around once more and watched as the sun let its rays hit the earth and warm it. With a little smile on your lips, you walked back in the hallway and into Changbin’s room. You sat on the bed again and waited for someone to come in. You waited for Changbin to just walk in the room and comfort you like he always did. He was always there for you. You stood up again and walked toward the bookcase next to the window. Might as well read a little until someone comes and gets you, right?

With a book in hand, you sat on the bed again and opened it with the idea in mind to fully indulge yourself in it. But in the next moment, the door burst open and swung back with such force that it hit the door with a loud 'bang’. You flinched heavily and the book flew out of your hands, a shriek leaving your lips. You looked at the person that just burst through the door. You didn’t know him either. You were in a house with people you didn’t know with the exception of Changbin. Just great.

“I was told to come to get you, come with me.” The deep voice this guy surprised you as it certainly didn’t match his face. With a smile, he introduced himself. “I’m sorry if I surprised you. I’m Felix.” You smiled back and stood up. “That’s okay Felix. I’m Y/N.” He nodded and held his hand out to you. “Take my hand. We don’t want you getting lost now, do we?” You shook your head and took his hand.

Felix took you down to the main hallway. He walked to the back of the room and went through a door, soon going down a flight of stairs. The walls were no longer marble. They were dark grey with absolutely no windows. It was a heavy contrast, considering how it looks just above the staircase. Felix went into a room and pulled you with him. When you stepped into a room 7 other boys sat around a table, one of them Changbin who gave you a small smile. Now the only people you recognized were Changbin, Hyunjin, and Felix. Felix took you to a seat next to Changbin and sat opposite of you afterward.

Changbin took your hand under the table and gave it a light squeeze. The guy at the head of the table cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the whiteboard at the end of the room toward Changbin. “So. What happened Changbin?’'

Changbin cleared his throat and stood up and walked out of the room. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he left the room. But the confusion quickly turned into a slightly scared feeling as he brought the man who assaulted you with him. The man was littered with bruises and cuts, dried blood all over his body. Some wounds were still fresh, the blood not having dried yet.

Changbin pushed him into a sitting position in front of the table and stood behind him. Changbin looked him all over and a small smile formed on his lips as he registered all the bruises and cuts.

’'Well you see, my friend, Y/N got assaulted by this little shit.” The last part of his sentence he just spits out through gritted teeth. Changbin took a deep breath and took a glance at you.

“I was after our target and when I found him she screamed. So I quickly killed him and ran in the direction of her screams. When I found her, this guy was all over her. I didn’t see what he did to her. I pulled him off of her and the two of us had a little fight. You know the rest.”

The guy at the head of the table nodded and stood up. He walked toward the man and walked in circles around him, examining his wounds, cuts, and bruises. “Seems like he got a good beating.”

Changbin smiled at this and cocked his head to the side.

“I took care of it myself, I hope you’re not disappointed, Chan.”

The leader, Chan turned his head in your direction and took a quick glance over your figure. No cuts, no bruises, no sign of any harm.

“Get this man out of my sight. I heard enough.” With a wave of Chan’s hand, two guys stood up and escorted the man out of the room. Chan nodded and motioned to the rest of the guys to leave the room. The only ones in it were Changbin and you now.

“So it was it you?” Changbin’s head spun in your direction and he furrowed his eyebrows. “What was me?”

You looked at the door. “The man. You beat him up.” Changbin nodded and took a step closer toward you but you took a step back.

Crack.

Changbin swore he could feel his heart break into a thousand little pieces.

“What kind of organization are you? Y-You, kill people.” You whispered. “That’s a long story…” Changbin tried to avoid the subject. He was scared you’ll leave him if you find out.

“No!” You screamed and again hot tears rolled down your cheeks. Changbin took a step back at your sudden shout and gulped.

“You want to know the truth?” ‘'Please.“ You whispered and Changbin nodded. He took you by the hand and walked out of the room. You could hear distinct screams from afar, a lot of 'please no!’s following.

Changbin smiled at the screams. A memory of where he felt so happy coming back.

Changbin closed his bedroom behind him after he laid your sleeping figure on the bed. With a wicked grin, he walked down the flight of stairs, to the back of the room, through the door and down a flight of stairs once again. As he saw the next door in front of him his grin widened even more.

He walked through it, now looking at the chained figure to the wall.

’'Comfortable are we?” The figure’s head banged against the wall as he flinched and Changbin looked into the terrified eyes of the man.

He smiled and walked toward a closet. He opened it and took a look at the various amount of knives. One bigger and sharper than the other. He took the smallest knife and turned around. With a grin, he cocked his head to the side and walked toward the man chained to the wall.

“Let’s get started shall we?” Changbin grinned and the first part of his skin was sliced.

The whole house was silent the only sounds heard the screams and cries of the man.

Changbin seated you on a couch in the living room and sat next to you. “Are you sure you want the truth?” You nodded.

“I’m part of a mafia. We call us Stray Kids or SKZ for the shorter version. I’m one of the members who stayed here the longest together with Jisung and Chan. Chan, our leader founded this mafia and Jisung and I joined. The rest of them joined after some time. We kill or rather eliminate people who do bad stuff. Criminals, sexual assaulters, Murders, you name it. Chan gives out a list for them and we kill them. Sometimes we even go out to eliminate other mafias or big corrupt politicians. Anything more you want to know?” His tone was stone cold.

“Why did you join this mafia?” Fear filled your system with every part of your body.

“I needed the money. There were many people I wanted revenge on. And I did.” Changbin grinned as he recalled all the people he killed in his mind.

“You’re crazy Changbin.” You said and he shot up his eyes piercing through yours. “Crazy for you.” He said and grinned.

“No. Changbin you need to get help this isn’t normal!”

Changbin looked at you in shock and sat on the table in front of you.

“I don’t need any help! I only need you can’t you understand that? I’ve always been here for you! I love you god damn it”

“What? Changbin you can’t love me. You really need a doctor!” He started screaming. “No, I don’t! I don’t need anyone beside you. Why won’t you love me?” You stood up and pushed him away from you when he tried to grab you.

“How can love someone who enjoys killing? I can’t do this Changbin! I don’t want this. No! Let me go!” You screamed and struggled against his hold. He grabbed you when you started walking away from him. Changbin turned you around and pressed you flush against him.

“Changbin you’re crazy!”

“Crazy for you.” He said and put his lips on yours forcefully.

You pounded your hands on his chest and he grabbed them with force and put them behind your back. “You’ll learn to love me.” You shook your head. “I’ll never love a sick guy like you and I thought you were my friend.

’'Oh, shorty, you will. I’ll just have to force you to.”