#then at least use him in the most emotionally impactful way you can

[folklaur21]

What would've should've been

Pairing: Theodore Nott x fem!ravenclaw!reader

Summary: Theodore Nott didn't truly know what love felt like until he found you. But now all he can do is sit and imagine what should've been.

Warnings: Mentions of death/killing, Battle of Hogwarts, use of Y/N

Word Count: 2.3k

Before You

Theodore Nott isn't the happiest person in the world. Scratch that, he might be the most subdued, emotionally complex guy to have ever existed. Hardly anything made him smile, next to nothing made him laugh. That's just how he was, is, and how he will always be.

It isn't completely his fault. People are never born 'sad' or 'emotionless'. Theo was brought up this way. It was ingrained into him as a child, silently impacting his life forever, and he didn't even realise it. Well, that was until his mother died. At the hands of his father.

Theodore's mother was a gentle soul. Sweet and caring, she always looked after her son. She gave him everything a child needed, wanted, and then some. The one thing she couldn't provide for Theo? A stable father, who wasn't an alcoholic, abusive pig. Though she did try, the fear she had of Theodore's father never ceased throughout their marriage. She just had to try to shelter Theodore from this cold, uncaring lifestyle.

She could only protect her son so much. When Theodore was just nine years old, she couldn't take the abuse from his father anymore. So she tried to escape. From her house, from her husband, from her life. Yet she failed. And he found out. Theodore Nott Sr. was not happy with this. So he did the only thing that he thought could ease his troubles. He killed his wife. The mother of his child. The child that had heard the Unforgiveable Curse uttered from his father's lips. The child who watched the flash of green light emitted from his father's wand. The child who had to watch his own mother, the only person who truly cared for him, die.

When he started Hogwarts, Theodore wanted a somewhat fresh start. Free from the burdens of his home life, he made friends.(Arguably, they were friends who his father would have approved of. If his father even cared.) At school, Theodore worked hard, and tried to mask the emotions he had always been told to oppress. Anger. Hatred. Vulnerability. So none of his friends truly knew what his life was like. Except for Lorenzo.

Theo told Enzo Berkshire everything. It was easier, having someone understand why you were like you were. Someone who you trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets. Someone who cared about you. That's how the two became best friends. Practically inseparable, 24/7.

During You

Having a connection with someone was something Theodore didn't truly seek throughout his lifetime. Especially now, in his fourth year at Hogwarts. Apart from Enzo, he was fine with keeping to himself, keeping a low profile and staying out of everyone's way. That was, until he saw you.

"Enzo, I don't want to go."

"Please, Theo, I want you to come. I'll be lonely without you." Enzo pleaded with his friend.

"I don't want to go to the Yule Ball. And besides, I didn't ask anyone to go with me." Theodore replied, still resisting the idea.

"So? No-one really cares if you're with someone or not. It's supposed to be fun." Enzo says with a sigh as he flops down next to Theo on his bed.

Theo scoffs. "Says you! How many girls asked you to go with them? 15?"

Lorenzo turns slightly pink at his friend's comment. "23..."

Theo lets out an exasperated sigh. "Exactly," Theo says, but after a moment he decides, "I will go to the ball with you Enz. Only because it's that, or sit around here or in the common room with all the first years."

So, that was how he ended up standing at the side of the Great Hall, sipping a glass of pumpkin juice, and watching all of his friends dancing with whoever they brought to the Ball. Theo didn't really mind. Once again, he was merely waiting in the wings, not really expecting anything grand to happen to him. At least, that's what he thought would happen. Until he saw you.

You were with some of your friends on the dancefloor. Laughing and smiling, you were carefree, living your life to it's full potential. Theo couldn't bear to take his eyes off of you. It's not like you would have seen him anyway, with him lurking in the shadows.

After he had spent what felt like forever watching you, Enzo came to his friend's side, offering a new glass of pumpkin juice, which Theo gladly accepted.

"Who's that?" Theo asked his friend, nodding his head in your direction.

"That's Y/N. Y/L/N I think. She's in Ravenclaw. She's actually quite clever, I sat next to her in arithmancy last year." Enzo pauses for a second. "Why do you want to know?"

"I don't know," Theo shrugs, nonchalant. "I just... don't remember seeing her before, that's all."

"Oh. Well, she's really kind. And sweet." Enzo smiles before rushing of again to resume dancing, leaving Theo to mull over his thoughts. Thoughts of you.

A week later, whilst sat in Potions, Theodore couldn't help but watch you, sitting across from him in the classroom. Strange. He had never noticed you before, but now it seemed you were the only thing plaguing his mind. He hardly took any notice of Professor Snape that lesson, watching you as you took notes with your brow furrowed, and how you twirled your quill around in your fingertips if you seemed distracted.

Over the next few weeks, Theodore Nott grew to know lots about you, even if you didn't yet realise it. He knew your favourite subject (Charms), your favourite sweets from Honeydukes (Chocolate Frogs, because you collected the cards). He even knew how you liked to spend your Sundays (sat in the courtyard with a book and a hot chocolate). Theo was drawn to you, for some unknown reason, and not even he could figure out why.

In the weeks leading up to your exams, you spent an increasing amount of time in the library, studying. Funnily enough, so did Theodore. He wanted to do well academically, even if his friends preferred skiving off and messing with first years. So, that was how he came to speak to you for the first time, five whole months after he was first captivated by you.

"Can I sit here? All the other tables are either occupied or slightly sticky and I don't want to mess up my books"

"Uhh, sure!" Theodore said, shocked that you had even come over to him. "No," he told himself. "She's only over here because nowhere else was free. Don't get your hopes up."

"I'm Y/N, by the way." You smile at him, and wave your wand to get your books laid out on the desk in front of you.

"Theodore. But you can call me Theo." Theodore said, as he found himself smiling in return.

The two of you started to talk about anything and everything; school, exams, your hobbies, interests, just your lives in general. And that's how Theo realised that, maybe he wasn't such a cold, uncaring teenager after all.

A week or so later, the two of you were sat under the shade of an oak tree overlooking the Black Lake, studying for, you guessed it, exams. That moment was when Theo finally plucked up enough courage to ask you something.

"Hey, Y/N?" he asked, taking a deep breath.

"What?" you replied, looking up from your book.

"I was wondering, would you maybe like to, and it's OK if you don't, I don't mind, you don't have to say yes or anything because it's completely your choice-"

"Spit it out, Theo!" you giggled, humoured by his rambling.

"Right. Sorry." Theo said, trying to calm himself down. "Umm, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend? And could we possibly go to the Three Broomsticks? You know, just... us?"

Your eyes widened, before you smiled at the boy's worried expression. "Of course! Theo I'd love to."

You wrapped your arms around him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before returning to your book, leaving Theodore grinning as if he'd just won the lottery. Which, with you, he basically had.

After You

It had been a while since Theodore Nott had been back at Hogwarts. Since he had gotten the Dark Mark, at his father's force, he had stayed working for The Dark Lord, being a Death Eater. He hated it. It was a life his father had forced him into, a life which wasn't truly his. And now he was back at the one place which had been a home to him, but now he was here to destroy it.

Theo tried to look for you. The one person who he trusted, and the one person who trusted him. Theo wasn't here to fight. He wasn't here to kill. He couldn't do that here. His safe place, where his father couldn't physically torture him. Where you were.

Before his sixth year at Hogwarts, Theo was held under the Imperius curse by his father, and the searing skull tattoo, the tattoo that would hurt him forever, was imprinted into his left arm. When school started again, he couldn't bear to tell you, his girlfriend, what had happened. But he did, because between you two, there were no secrets. When you found out, all you were was supportive. You helped Theo though his pain and anguish, but what he didn't know is that when you first found out, you cried for hours. Crying about his future, your future, angry at the world you live in for being so cruel. Crying was really the only thing you could do.

After Dumbledore's death, Theodore did what he thought would be best for your relationship, best for you.

"You can't be serious, Theodore?" you said, trying to keep your voice levelled and clear, holding back the tears.

That hurt Theo. You never called him Theodore, unless you were really frustrated. Which hadn't happened until now. "Y/N please, I have to, it's for your safety."

"My SAFETY? Theo, I couldn't care less about that right now. Please, don't do this." You couldn't hold back any longer. The tears were now streaming down your face.

"I don't want to, but-"

"But what, Theo? I love you!"

"I love you too, but-"

"Then surely that's all that matter?" you say, exasperated. "We love each other. We can run away together, and live in hiding until it's safe for us to come out, to be together."

"No, we can't, you know we can't, we'll be found and then... you'd... You'd be killed." Theo says in a small voice. "And I can't let that happen to you. Please, Y/N, just listen to me. As soon as this is over, we can get back together. We can live together, start over together. But it can't happen now. Not yet. Please, Y/N, wait for me."

You can't stop crying now, and you lean over to Theo and kiss him. "OK. When it's all over. I'll be waiting for you, Theo. You'll definitely come back to me?"

"Of course I will, Y/N. I promise I'll find you."

And of course, that's what he was currently doing. Looking for you. He had been waiting a year to see your face again, hoping you hadn't forgotten about him. However now he couldn't find you. Running through the corridors, shouting you name, dodging curses and rubble, Theo's only goal was to find you. And he did.

There you were at the top of the Astronomy tower, a split lip and wearing a torn blue jumper, you were aiming all sorts of hexes at a Death Eater. Theo was so relieved, and began firing spells at your opponent, until he was knocked unconscious. At that point, Theo kicked the limp body over the balcony, not caring what would happen.

"Y/N." Theo smiled. "I told you I'd come back."

You pulled Theo into a hug and kissed him. "Theo!" you breathed.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N." All Theo could do was look into your bright, tearful eyes, relieved that he could see you once again before-

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

That fateful curse.

A flash of green light.

Your body fell limp in Theo's arms.

Your eyes lost their brightness.

"NO!"

Theo tried to pull you up, tried to hold you tight, but it was no use. You were gone. Theo looked up to see your murderer, looking him in the eyes. His father.

Your death at the hands of Nott Sr. ensured Nott Sr.'s death at the hands of his son. That was the first and last time that Theodore Nott would ever use the killing curse, and it only made sense for it to be on the person that used it on the two people who he had loved most in the world.

When the Battle of Hogwarts was over, most of Voldemort's supporters were dead, captured, or had fled the scene when it was evident that they were losing. But two Death Eaters stayed behind, simply because they couldn't bear to leave the castle like this. They felt it was partly their fault. Those two Death Eaters were Theodore Nott and Lorenzo Berkshire.

Whilst everyone gathered in the Great Hall, Enzo wandered the, now ruined, corridors of a place he loved so dearly. What he didn't expect to find his best friend, leaning on the crumbled wall of the Astronomy tower, cradling someone in his arms. Not to mention the fact that his father lay on the ground mere feet away.

"Please, Y/N, you can't be dead, you can't. I came back for you I-"

"Theo?" Enzo inquired, sitting on the floor next to his best friend, who was in fits of tears.

"He killed her, Enz. He killed her so- So I killed him. I had to."

"It's OK, Theo." Enzo replied, putting an arm around his friend's shoulder, and letting him cry.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, with the sound of everyone in the castle talking and grieving the loss of friends and family. The two could have been down there with them, celebrating the demise of the people who made their lives hell.

But instead, all Theodore Nott could think about is what should've been.

#slytherin #slytherin boys #theodore nott #harry potter #harry potter universe #lorenzo berkshire #theo nott #theodore nott x y/n #theodore nott x reader #y/n #theo nott x reader #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin x reader #x reader #fem reader #x female reader #ravenclaw #slytherclaw #battle of hogwarts #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #hogwarts houses #wizarding world #sad fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #enzo berkshire

[atomicradiogirl]

The Best House MD Scene

"You'd be surprised what you can live with."

In season 2, episode 6 of House MD “Spin” written by Sara Hess, there is a scene that I consider to be one of the best, if not the best, scenes of House. In the scene, Cameron is talking to Wilson alone in House’s office about how she cheated on her dying husband with his best friend while he was in the hospital. A conversation that is related to Wilson’s adulterous behavior and plethora of divorces. To relate to her story, Wilson tells Cameron that his relationship with his second wife, Bonnie, ended not because she was sick and he needed someone to cling to, but because he met someone that made him feel funny and good and he didn’t want to let that feeling go. Cameron looks at him in understanding. Wilson goes on to say that Cameron isn’t to blame for cheating on her husband since she couldn’t control her emotions, to which Cameron replies “No, just my actions.” When Wilson realizes that she didn’t sleep with him. Cameron says that she couldn’t live with herself if she did. Wilson gives a devilish smile in response, a silence that speaks volumes, and says, “You’d be surprised what you can live with,” and leaves the office.

This scene is so impactful, not because of any angst or emotional weight but because of the parallel and implications of this scene. Cameron and Wilson are characters who both interact but don’t really have a close relationship. This is one of the only instances where they seem to have a genuine emotional understanding of each other. There is also a very strong parallel between them, as they are both emotional and caring people who thrive on being needed by others. But most importantly, they both love broken people and the ultimate broken person, House. Cameron is still grappling with her feelings for House and the lack of gendered language used by Wilson as well as the general knowledge that there is no one else he could possibly be talking about, along with the fact that this conversation is literally happening in House’s office, solidly proves that this “mystery person” Wilson is talking about is House. “You’d be surprised what you can live with” might not necessarily mean that he slept with House, but it definitely confirms that there was at least a level of emotional cheating on his ex-wife with him. Something that is actually proven as the reason his second marriage with Bonnie ended. His being too devoted to helping House after his infarction was a primary reason. House making Wilson feel “funny” could be a way of Wilson saying he fell in love with House, or maybe House just made him feel needed in a way that Wilson couldn’t resist. 

Regardless of how you read between the lines, the implication here is clear. Both Cameron and Wilson love House, and both of them are bonding in this scene over not having control over their emotions, especially over House. To me, “You’d be surprised what you can live with” is Wilson saying he can live with his feelings for House and he can live with knowing that he would do anything for him as well as a general acceptance that he could live with emotionally or physically cheating on his ex-wife with House. Cameron says nothing to this statement, and there is no follow-up to this conversation in the rest of the episode or the show. But it alone sets up an understanding in the audience of why Cameron cheated on her husband as well as why Wilson drops everything for House at any whim. It isn’t confirmed until 6 seasons later, but this is the start of the many cleverly placed obvious hints that Wilson loves House, despite his feelings being deeply repressed and seemingly unreciprocated for the majority of the show or throughout their relationship that we, the audience get to see. This scene stands out as a rare moment of cross-character connections that we don’t often get to see in House. From side characters. Yes, it is about House and what he means to both of them, but it delves into the shared inner experiences of these two characters, whom we get pieces of understanding throughout the show. This scene is my favorite scene of House, and while it might not be the most flashy or cinematic, it is the pure example of the show’s outstanding writing. 

#house md #s2e6 spin #yes i wrote a whole 800 words about this scene #literal essay posting #in this essay i will #allison cameron #james wilson #hilson #gregory house #my thoughts #this scene makes me lose my marbles

[shutupineedtothink]

More Moiraine & Lan (and the Bond) thoughts, because I really just can’t help myself.

Just thinking about how we know every Aes Sedai and Warder share the Bond, but we don’t see any other AS/Warder teams using it as a form of communication NEARLY as much as Moiraine and Lan do.

Like these mofos are having full conversations with head tilts and tiny eyebrow raises and 3 seconds of eye contact from the jump. Sometimes not even looking at each other. And it’s extra great if you’re a show only like me because you only realize it when you go back later after all the stuff with the Bond is explained in 1x04/1x05. Like I remember thinking when I was first watching the pilot ‘wow, these two are really in sync, clearly they’ve known each other a long time,’ but it’s so much more than that obviously.

Now, one easy explanation for this is that we’re just seeing them the most, they’re main characters, and s1 especially does a lot of work hyping up the Bond and how important it is so that we get the full impact of them being cut off later. Makes sense.

But… idk like even Alanna and Ihvon and Maksim, who are actually in a romantic relationship, don’t seem to prefer the Bond as a way to communicate. We even see them have their little diplomatic discussion before Ihvon goes to follow Tomas. It’s an actual conversation. Maksim even prefers the Bond masked, so I guess in that way they kind of have to talk to each other.

Verin and Tomas are pretty quiet in general, but still it’s not emphasized that they use the Bond to communicate that much. Perhaps this is also highlighted by Tomas’s advice to Lan that the Bond isn’t the only common language they share with their Aes Sedai.

Except for Moiraine and Lan, it’s like AT LEAST 80%. It’s the primary way they communicate. Because 1. they’re both so naturally reserved on the outside (but feel very deeply on the inside), and 2. I imagine it comes in handy to be extra good at it when you’re on the road searching for the Dragon Reborn and you don’t want everyone around you to know what you’re about.

Then there’s Stepin’s comment from s1 to Kerene, “Can you imagine their dinners?” Which is funny but also very telling. To all the other Aes Sedai and Warders, Moiraine and Lan seem pretty cold and distant, to everyone else and each other. But again, that’s by design to protect their mission. They’re just having conversations no one else can see, even other Bonded pairs. It’s like most AS and their Warders use the Bond as insurance, a fail safe even, to understand and communicate with each other, with normal human communication (i.e. TALKING) as the primary method. But for Moiraine and Lan it’s the other way around.

My POINT BEING, that this adds weight to their storyline in S2. Like they are REALLY struggling because on top of everything else, this fundamental piece of their relationship and communication is just gone. And it opens a door for Moiraine to push Lan away, when she NEVER would have been able to before, practically or emotionally. And he reels from her attacks because he’s just not as good at understanding her without the Bond, when he would have seen right through that shit before, just from feeling alone. So Tomas can say to him, you need to really listen, but 20 years of shared emotional mind reading is not that easy to bypass. You don’t learn normal person communication skills overnight. Certainly not when there’s this gaping hole in your head/heart where another person you probably knew better than yourself should be but isn’t.

Anyway, I think it just adds even more credence to why they’re both so lost throughout most of S2, especially Lan. And what makes them so badass with the Bond but so absolutely uncoordinated without it. And why every other Aes Sedai/Warder thinks they’re fuckin weird. And why we love them, because who doesn’t want to be so fundamentally understood like that? Who doesn’t want their own secret language with someone that no one else really gets, but that person gets you on a level so real it can’t be replaced? That’s what we’re all reaching for, and that’s what they have with each other. For better or worse.

#other aes sedai and warders: talking 80% / Bond 20% #Moiraine and Lan: Bond 80% / body language 15% / talking 5% #so extra #but I imagined it just happened for them #it wasn’t intentional #but then they got too used to it and couldn’t stop #and they never thought they’d have to #and then they finally get it back and it’s like they become whole people again #like you can see what a missing limb it was once they’re finally back on their game #jfc these two #wheel of time #the wheel of time #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran #wot on prime #wot

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Shamelessly spamming your inbox as well! Why do you think Kaz takes off his shirt in front of Inej? We know he likes to get a rise out of her (“something about the furrow between her brows was so satisfying”). Do you think he realizes he’s making her blush? Would you consider doing an analysis of your favorite parts of Kaz’s first POV in SOC and the CK bathroom scene? thank you so much!!

Hello and welcome to episode three of DK Finally Gets It Together And Answers Her Asks Because It's About Damn Time (working title)

Episode One - Episode Two

Hi, thanks so much for the ask and sorry that I've taken an eternity to get back to you, but yes absolutely let's talk!

Why does Kaz take his shirt off in front of Inej? The fact that Kaz takes his shirt off in front of Inej is kind of a strange one because it implies feeling a level of comfort around each other that neither of them are emotionally prepared to admit that they have - it's not that long ago (in fact I think it may have just been the previous chapter?) that Kaz told us "to say he trusted Inej would be stretching the point" and yet here he willingly removes his gloves and his shirt in front of her, a massive concession to his ability to be more vulnerable in front of Inej than he is anyone else. I think it's possible that, as you said, he enjoys getting a rise out of Inej however I aslo think this could be interpreted as yet another self-deprecating habit Kaz has collected around Inej to convince himself away from caring about her. I've talked a lot about the way his language separates them and famously the sarcastic delivery of "my darling Inej, treasure of my heart" to offend her even though the words represent, at least to some extent, his genuine feelings because he knows it will elicit a negative response (in this case pointedly referring to his cane and wishing him a long trip down the stairs before Inej herself slides down the bannister) and therefore he can somehow justify ignoring his feelings for Inej's because he had some kind of 'evidence' that she doesn't reciprocate. This is a damaging mentality to both of them, in Kaz with the evident self-deprecating qualities of the action and in Inej the belief that Kaz sees nothing in her except her monetary value to him (I believe the quote is something along the lines of "she was an investment no more no less" and is borne in Inej from the multiple times Kaz refers to her as such in his efforts to distance himself from her, unintentionally presently a massive and damaging misunderstanding of her trauma and the dehumanisation she went through - "bought her, and then sold her again and again"). the scene when Kaz removes his shirt in front of Inej is told from her perspective and we know she sees absolutely nothing beyond the practicalities of the moment as being any kind of vulnerability or romantically charged because she wonders what Kaz would think if she undresses and started washing herself in front of him, and comes to the conclusion "he'd probably tell me not to drip on the desk", and arguably this has a similar impact on her to the idea of being an "investment" rather than humanising terms because from her perspective he is acting exactly as he would if he were alone and with the way she's been treated and the kind of responses trauma and ptsd can cause in people this could to her feel like an extension of the dehumanisation tools that were used against her, effectively she may believe that he's willing to remove his gloves and shirt in front of her because he doesn't acknowledge himself as actually being watched by anyone - or at least not anyone of importance. Whilst this is obviously not Kaz's intention with the action I do wonder whether it's possible that it is to some extent another way of distancing himself from Inej. When Kaz removes his shirt Inej looks away from him, embarrassed, and pretends to study some of the papers on his desk. She comments that she had "lost most of her modesty at the Menagerie" but that there were still "limits". I think there's every chance that Kaz knows she will look away because she's uncomfortable with immodesty and the general vulnerability of the scene, as well as any relation she could reasonably find to her ptsd in this action, and that he is once again forcing himself to come up with this 'evidence' of her disinterest in him so he can bully himself into ignoring his feelings for her. I hope this made sense maybe it's just a rambling mess...

Also:

I have written an analysis of the CK bathroom scene so I will link that here

And when I was doing that series where I analysed my favourite quotes from each chapter I didn't get very far in because the posts took a long time to put together but I did cover chapter three (Kaz's first POV) split into a few different posts :)

Also, I'm back on my analysis nonsense right now so if y'all would like to see that series come back let me know, because I did have fun putting them together they were just also time consuming and I had a lot of other stuff to do at the time

Thanks so much for the ask! Sorry I took so long to respond, and the same to everyone else with questions in my inbox right now, but thanks for sending them in and thanks for reading this post - and don't let it put you off sending more asks if you'd like to! I am working my way through them, I promise :)

#DK finally gets it together and answers her asks because it's about damn time #thanks for the ask! #six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik #matthias helvar #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #soc duolugy #soc analysis #six of crows analysis #six of crows meta #crooked kingdom meta #grishaverse meta #grishaverse analysis #grishaverse fandom #kanej #kaz x inej #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #shadow and bone

[hopefull-mindset]

Finally understanding Beast Mori (as Asagiri intended)

Hello everyone, I am hoping you’ll be nice about me talking about Mori for two seconds and express my thoughts about such a guy like this. This isn’t going to be some fancy analysis picking apart stuff like I’d usually want to or even me addressing every trait he has because I definitely don’t go into everything. This is me finally being at peace with Mori’s humanity.

Before you say anything, I’d just like to share my own peace of comprehension. So if you were similarly confused the way I was, I think you’d appreciate this (Or if you’re looking for a different approach on Mori).

Im sure most of you have read the manga adaptation, so just to let you know, I am going to be using passages from the official Light Novel translation and if anyone needs it, I can send it to them!

For anyone who’s decided to read, hello! Nice to meet you. I’m sure we’ve all shared the same confusion when confronted with Beast Mori’s difference in personality and approach. Thoughts like “Why is he so much nicer?” Or “Why does he care much more about how kids are treated, when he himself has treated kids the same way he describes in the past?”

How could this person be the same guy who was Mori the Port Mafia Boss? The war veteran who used Yosano the way he did? So we came up with many idea of why he’s different to justify it, but here’s the thing: Mori is the same person he always was, this is a universe where everything is the same, but different where Dazai chooses to intervene.

After a few days, I was able to recognize it but I couldn’t hold myself to acknowledge it. It’s hard to see a man who represents the dark, the Port Mafia, to the Armed Detective Agency’s light. I couldn’t wrap my head that such a controlling, manipulative man could have humanity like the rest of the characters.

Why was this so hard for me to see? Well two reasons— the fandom and how the anime cuts down Mori’s emotions when adapting canon material. This happens to Dazai too, but people are much more willing to talk about it compared to Mori. Now the fandom really does love blaming everything on Mori and that’s not the most constructive thing to do when talking about abuse narratives. I can’t blame anyone for taking this route when it came to Mori because of Asagiri’s poorly thought out choice with him…. we all know what I’m talking about. Elise.

However, I need some of you to understand that abuse narratives are never as simple as “oh, it’s all this persons fault because they’re a horrible person, so [character] is resolved from any guilt or responsibility”. This not only dumbs down the situation and seriousness of it, by mischaracterizing the abuser, you’re also mischaracterizing the victim as well and what they’ve gone through. You’re putting their story in jeopardy.

Bungou Stray Dogs is a story about human beings, morality, and what it all means. Mori, and in turn Fukuzawa, are important to understand Bungou Stray Dogs because they are in two pinochle positions that start this discussion of Morality. I am baffled that a story like this, one that approaches these topics with so much appreciation for humanity and nuance, has a fandom that doesn’t want to talk about what it has to offer.

Asagiri’s poorly thought out writing decision of a joke is going to have lasting effects with how Mori is going to be approached forever and I see this, but I think the little girl jokes are the least important thing to talk about because they have as much impact as the Tanizaki siblings do. He’s also written to be not a good person either, so you can dislike him easily, but how many of these characters are traditionally good people? Kouyou, for example, is not a “good person” and emotionally abusive in example to how she treated Kyouka. That doesn’t stop people from liking her friendship with Chuuya and making content with her.

So this attitude toward Mori had me lost when it came to him because I could see how much thought Asagiri puts into writing him the same way he does with so many, but I’ve seen so many disregard his humanity that I had no way to express any of my thoughts to sort out what to think about through anyone else when faced with Beast Mori. Everyone was as lost I was, and the people that weren’t never explained it in a way I could break that barrier.

So what finally made me wrap my head around Mori? It was exactly one conversation I had with a friend and it wasn’t even about Beast Mori in particular, it was just about Mori and his poor humanity while navigating how to lead. Everything just clicked with that.

(Dazai, Chuuya, age Fifteen)

This right here is where Mori tells us what he thinks his position means after the struggling we visibly see him go through. Is it an inherently correct conclusion to make? No, but does it make sense as someone who’s a leader of a huge, dangerous underground criminal organization? Yes, it does.

We have no backstory on Mori, but his poor humanity is easy to explain when he’s been in positions that require him to disregard his own and everyone else’s humanity for years now. As someone who’s seen war up close and a physician, these jobs require him to take control of the other person. Well in his mind at least, he sees these jobs and chooses to the route that’s most efficient.

It’s never positioned to be for himself though, he doesn’t take glee in what he does for self serving purposes, it’s always for the country, the city, the organization. His thought process is never the power hungry yearning we see everyone mistake it for. It’s never that he wants it, it’s that he needs it for everything to go well.

That’s exactly how he treats Yosano because even though it’s creepy to base your abilities looks on a little girl, that doesn’t stop him from seeing her use before her age and humanity.

His clinical utilitarianism is his core trait but also most disliked one from what I can tell in the fandom, and people tend to misinterpret it to make the more non-favorable view of him. But again, he’s not supposed to be the greatest guy ever and you can understand where these traits started forming. And again, to paraphrase another’s words: he’s cunning, but not power hungry.

He’s also not disliked by his subordinates and actually respected, he respectively enjoys the company, but there’s a mixed answer to that and that it is… nobody is going to listen to you if you don’t treat them with decency. Why would you expect a tool to work if you break them? One of his earliest lessons he learned with Yosano and leadership.

(Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen)

For example, we all know this scene is manipulation. He’s baiting Chuuya with information while still treating the teenager with respect and enough honesty to form a bond. Chuuya is perfectly aware that he’s being used in the present and in the past, but he respects Mori as a leader objectively after his own considered failure and lack of control over the sheep, even if he didn’t consider himself one. I don’t think this honesty comes from nowhere because that quote, “only a Diamond can polish a Diamond”, came from Natsume in reference to himself and Fukuzawa.

He sees himself and Fukuzawa in Soukoku fondly, but I tend to rethink this quote time to time because at first it comes off as a quote about partnership and building off of each other’s good qualities to perfect their own, but the way Mori uses it here feels as though it’s positioned to mean that one of them comes out perfected and the other weared down. Pretty competitive if you think about it.

(Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST)

We’re finally at the part you’ve been waiting for guys! So what was my point for analyzing canonverse Mori? So as I said before, these are the exact same guy and all that word jumble? That was an extended version of what was communicated with me to finally get what was going on with Mori in this universe and why he’s suddenly in an orphanage.

Now I couldn’t tell what was going through Beast Dazai’s mind and where this decision came from instead of actually killing him like the rumor’s implied, but I can come close. I think that Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).

Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.

I can say for sure though that this is better for Mori because after the years of being in atmospheres that require so much of him intelligently and exempt of any emotion involved for the sake of efficiency, being able to rekindle his humanity where nothing is expected of him except to raise kids in a non-exploitative context sounds really freeing to me. Considering he’s been there for 4 years, I find the development understandable.

Okay I’m hearing what you guys are saying again, “What about him saying he wanted to save Dazai? That doesn’t seem like typical Mori.” And I’m gonna say something really controversial: Well maybe he did.

Really though, I think he did care about Dazai and not because he saw a child struggling (think about Yosano and Q for 3 seconds), but because he saw himself in Dazai, which ultimately changed way more about their relationship than you guys think. There’s a lot of comparisons to Yosano and I understand where they come from because I think there’s a lot you can see similarities in, but Dazai is not purely a tool for Mori the way she was.

The avoidance of letting him die do come from his use and overall importance to the original plan of becoming the new boss, but I don’t think he would’ve left Dazai alone like that for 4 whole years after leaving the mafia if he didn’t care in some way way. What strikes me the most is how Asagiri decided to add “the man who raised Dazai”.

For Beast Mori, I think he’s had enough time to actually feel guilt and regret for Dazai as a person like a normal human being does. Oh I guess Elise is important too. Her aging up just meant that Mori has become less controlling and not like the little girl who he literally sees as a tool since kids are easier to manipulate. Can’t bring that energy to an orphanage, nope!

There’s better stuff out there about Mori that I think if you’re more open to thinking about Mori after this, you should check it out, these are just my thoughts recently. To end this off, here are two links to Asagiri’s own thoughts on Mori.

#bsd #bsd analysis #(?) kind of #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs #mori ougai #bsd beast #bungou stray dogs beast #dazai osamu #bsd dazai chūya age fifteen #I’m not gonna pretend for two seconds that this guy is some misunderstood hero #but he’s less as bad as fanon portrays him #and don’t take my words as him saying he ALWAYS has everyone’s best interest #he just says he does #shit guys wait I just realized this is my first contribution??? to this fandom??? oh well

[star-bear-art]

[That love is like a star

It's gone, we just see it shining

It's travelled very far]

I have sat in rendering hell on this piece for like. A MONTH!! So worth it. Consider this a manifestation for my love of Wyll Ravenguard (and I haven't even completed a romance route with him yet!)

(Below is going to be me ranting about the state of his route/content in the game. If you don't want to read that, feel free to just stare at the pretty colours and move on :])

But WOOF. So many frustrations with how his route plays (as of patch 4, the last run I completed!) I've seen people comparing the lack of his development Act 3 with Karlach, and I honestly don't think they're comparable at all. Yes, it's obvious there was more planned (I can't even remember how much extra infernal iron we have at the end of act 3), but she at least has a cohesive narrative emotionally. She resonates! Wyll (by no fault of Theo, whose voice acting is stellar).. did not, for us. At the end of everyone else's personal quest, we were practically crying, but by his? We were mostly confused - due almost entirely to the very convoluted and buggy implementation of his story beats. Let alone that the whole wyrmway sequence becomes way more about the Emporer than him, or that his final speech triggered three seperate times for us consecutively, or the mess with Mizora, the Grand Duke, and Florrick after we defied her to save his father. He's given no agency as a character over his own choices compared to the other companions (at some of his most pivotal moments, as tav you choose his future for him without even a roll!) It was so, so disappointing. I love Wyll, especially Act 1 - but you can seriously feel the lack of polish or finish for his character in the game right now. And regardless of the team's intentions, he's the only Black origin character. That shit has an impact (doubly so when you consider how bg3 imports dnd/forgotten realm's well-discussed racism pretty much wholesale). He deserves as much agency and autonomy over his own story as every other origin character, and I seriously hope he gets it, soon. 'Til then, that's the majesty of fandom, right?

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 wyll #wyll ravengard #bg3 fanart #tism archive

[moonmeg]

Layout for next comic done, head empty only Breeil scenario once again - this time not in comic form!

TW// body insecurity (negativity), implied eating disorder

"Bree, what's the matter?"

"Look at me!", she freed herself from his arms, "Look at my chest, my arms, my legs, my stomach! How can ye think I'm pretty when I'm not as thin as I used to be?! How can ye love me when I look like this?!"

Neil stared at her. He didn't understand what she meant, where this was coming from. He never gave her reason to doubt his adoration for her - so he thought at least. Breena kept avoiding his eyes and quickly turned her back to him, hiding herself and her body from the man she loved. The thought that he will leave her now that her body is so different tortured her. She didn't want him to leave. Neil was the best thing to happen to her...

"Bree, you are beautiful to me. And I mean that wi' all my heart. A few additional pounds willna change that. Especially not because that's more than natural in yer circumstances."

"My circumstances?", she turned her head in his direction slightly.

"Aye, yer pregnancy. Ye're growing a person inside o' ya, love. Of course yer body is changing."

He slowly closed the gap between them and gently brushed a red curl out of her face. He examined her face and noticed her quivering lip and her still avoiding eyes becoming glassy. It's rare he saw his wife so upset and vulnerable. He knew a pregnancy had its impact on the becoming mother's emotionality but something told him there was more to Breena's feelings.

"I'm just wondering, where ye get the idea from that I only love ye when ye're thin? Did I make ye feel like that?", he traced his thumb down her cheek. His voice calm and soft.

"It's not you."

...

"Was it them?"

She closed her eyes and the longer she thought about "them" the more her brows furrowed above her red-brown lashes. "Them" referred to the people that Breena was raised by. She didn't think they were worth the title of "parents". Parents are loving, they're caring and they'd never cause their child to run away from home with 16 because it's become unbearable to live with them. To Breena those two people she had to live with were but merely her creators. That was also what she referred to them as whenever they still influenced her life... like now.

"Titan...", Neil sighed, knowing that he found the reason behind his wife's behavior. Breena's creators barely were a topic in their conversations or a part of their life but whenever they did come up, it was never in good context. "What did they tell you?"

She glanced at her husband. It wasn't long but Neil was happy she had met his eyes finally even if just for a second. It meant she was willing to open up about it to him and she was building up strength to reopen a part from that chapter of her life that she actually long had closed and desperately wanted to seal and lock away. It was hard for her. He knew that.

Caressing his palms over her arms until he reached her hands and curling his fingers around them, he let her take her time. His thumb carefully ran across her knuckles - back and forth. It was his way of reassuring her. He's here. He's listening. She has all his attention. She's not alone.

Breena squeezed his hand as she took a breath. She hated that she troubled him with her problems of the past. She learned to keep her frustration to herself and in fear of bothering people dear to her never let them out. Communication never worked in her home, why should it work outside of it? Of course, Breena never would've bothered her friends nor is she bothering Neil or her newly found family-in-law with her feelings. But unfortunately old habits break hard.

"Ever since I was a lass, no older than 6, I was told that my appearance is the most important thing I have to offer. If I'm not pretty and a certain weight, I dinna deserve affection or... love. Nobody wants me if I'm not thin. Nobody would think me worthy. If I'm not in the image of my creators, I'll be lonely til my last days. So I...", she paused, taking a shaky breath, "...I always tried to fit in that expectation. Whenever I didna fit it, I was called worthless, ugly and denied food. Whenever I did fit, I was praised... at least one thing I did right."

"Oh, mo gaol...", Neil whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He squeezes her trembling hand tightly. That was the reason behind her eating habits, he finally figured. She barely ate, only small portions if any at all, and his mother and himself were always trying to get her to eat more but without much success. With the pregnancy she had started eating more at last but she always felt bad afterwards and apologized for eating so much and would deny herself food "to make up for it". He had theorized there was a reason to it but he never wanted to push her to talk about it.

"They're so wrong.", he cupped her face and leaned his forehead on hers, "Ye're worthy of love no matter what yer body looks like and no matter what ye weigh. I love you regardless. I always will."

"Ye will?", she hicced.

"Aye. I asked ye to marry me because I dinna want to live a life wi'out ye. Bree, ye are so much more than yer looks. I'm sorry yer creators told you such terrible lies and treated ye so horribly. I only wish we had met sooner so that I could've proven them wrong and given you the love and affection that ye deserve earlier."

Breena sniffed as his thumbs caught her tears. She buried her face in his palm and gave her emotions uncontrolled freedom. Sobbing she threw herself onto her husband's chest, clenching his shirt. Instinctively, Neil wrapped his arms around her back, securing her in that position.

"Neil, I-"

"Shh. There's nothing more for you to say.", he turned his face to press a kiss to her temple. He held her for a while, let her cry, comforted her by brushing through her curls. "I can only imagine how difficult it must've been for ye and how difficult it still is but... if I may, and if ye want to, I will do everything in my power to help ye heal. I'm here."

She pulled away from his chest to look at him. Cracking a smile she was the one to cup his face now. "I am so lucky and thankful to have ye."

"Aye.", he smiled back adoringly, "And I'm afraid ye're stuck wi' me 'until death do us part'."

Breena chuckled at him quoting their vows. She brushed a brown lock behind his ear before she met his golden eyes once again, gazing at her as if she was a deity and the only thing he cared about. She never knew what love really felt like but when Neil was with her, looking at her, wrapping her tightly in his arms, kissing her and smiling at her, she was sure to have found it. And she was willing to allow him to help her actually heal and actually, at last, close the chapter of her past.

"I can live wi' that."

#breena bower #neil bower #toh ocs #tdaac #not main story related #tw: body insecurity #tw: eating disorder

[karniss-bg3]

I just want to add to the last ask, it's so hard to figure out Kar'niss actual alignment because he is given so little space for his own personality to show. He is being used for a cause and his mind was messed with to align with that cause. He was cast out by one horrible cult and before he could go through any phase of self discovery (cause, you know, a cult barely leaves space for that) he was snatched by another cult. It's pretty safe to say that there was no space in his life to ever figure out what HE wants.

Following the Absolute he pretty much has his sense of self entirely tied to that. And it's so tragic. There is no room for anything else and given that nobody bothers to interact with him on a normal level, it's truly all he has left.

I found it quite frustrating that upon meeting him we can't even talk to him in peace without being interrupted by someone else in almost every conversation choice.

He's not treated like a person by anyone really. They say horrible things either straight to him or so loudly that he'd definitely hear it. And those who don't simply are too afraid, like Kansif who can't even look him in the eyes.

And yet, if you talk to him in the few moments where you actually get to do so without being interrupted, there's not a single meanspirited thing coming from his side towards the player.

He's very very mentally ill and disturbed, but he's not a rabid animal that will attack unprovoked.

Every time he gets angry, there's a reason for it that could have been avoided. Like people not listening to what he told them and the 'compliments' you can give him as a Dark Urge aren't really compliments. You can't call someone beautiful and an abomination in the same sentence and expect them to be happy. And when you ask him if you can look at the lantern it's also so ... idk, it's icky. You do it in a way as if you already assume you can. It's like as if someone I just met wants to inspect my phone and assumes it's gonna be fine, I'd also be like wtf?? No?

If we had the option to interact more with him and overall be nicer and more considerate I'm sure some things would play out very differently.

And I think if given the chance he'd have one of the most interesting and emotionally intense romance routes in the game.

There is SO much to unpack. There is so much to work through, but also so much potential for an amazing outcome. Or something deeply tragic. Either way, I'm sure it would leave an impact and it could be great. But his story would need a lot of time to make it work, and it needs to be handled very delicately. He's not like a quick fling you can just write into the game, like for example the drow twins. I can barely imagine anything more cruel than giving him a bit of actual affection and a connection outside of the Absolute and then just leaving him behind and taking it away again.

So I personally think the most we can realistically hope for is a few interactions where we can at least NOT be rude or outright awful to him.

But maybe the devs will surprise us and figure out a way to let us bring him along. I'd honestly be so insanely happy. I really want something good for him. He is one of those characters who feels the least deserving of the fate and treatment he got and it's so heartbreaking.

I love this response, no notes to really add. This sums it up in a solid way. I'll always hope for better options in terms of Kar'niss, side character be damned. We love who we love, can't help that!

Thanks for the response!

#baldur's gate 3 #kar'niss #bg3 #drider #karniss #baldurs gate 3 #answered #This is a great summary I think folks should read

[deathskrang]

i think about zim and the tallest and their inherently, nearly parasitic relationship to each other a lot.

i think about how all of them are, objectively, mostly blind to this fact as well, zim blinded by the swift and stark obedience that he performs under the delusion that he is doing something for the good of his leaders and his empire, and the tallest blinded by their total arrogance and rage over the fact that zim cannot read any of their cues that he is a nuisance. still, it is so obvious that the back and forth is there.

i know that this particular example probably wasn't purposeful in florpus and was mostly just so the audience could see dib's point and the narrative similarities between zim and him, but i think a lot about zim's silence when dib says, "you know, my dad doesn't appreciate what i do, either" after zim explains how the tallest are not coming to bring him back home. i think a lot about that. the impact and the implications behind one simple sentence from dib. i imagine, to zim, this sort of felt like a slap in the face. the first word besides "my tallest" that's ever explained how zim wants them, how zim, in his own way, almost loves them. and it's a word from earth. it's a word that implies a built in, unconditional caring between human beings. it's a word that zim had just said in a mocking tone of voice to dib moments ago in reference to his plan to replace his real dad. and, suddenly, in a single instance, the weight of the word has seemed to hit him.

i think the saddest part of this parallel is that dib has the understanding that because he and his dad are biologically related, unconditional love is the expected thing, it's the supposed natural progression of things. zim and the tallest, though—they don't have any of that. you could argue that they're barely even acquaintances. there is no understanding of what is supposed to happen with them. there is no built in hope of having them step up to the plate the way dib hopes with his dad. i don't think zim truly understands this, though. as if zim can completely comprehend isolation. isn't that apart of an invader's duty? isn't that what he was trained to do? and isn't zim an invader? isn't he?

after all of this, after all of florpus, long after dib had first used that word, dad, in relation to the tallest, how dib said his dad doesn't appreciate what he does, one of the last things zim asks the tallest as he is witnessing their last moments across that transmission is: does this please you? in other words, do you appreciate what i have done for you?

dialogue wise, this is emotionally wrecking enough, but i think, visually, it is equally if not more disarming and depressing. i really, really, really love the imagery of the scene right before it cuts to the tallest burning in their puppet florpus flames. because it's a silly visual gag, yes, two flailing tallest puppets—but zim talking to two distorted tallest silhouettes, not noticing (or, rather, caring about) the difference between this and their usual way of appearing when they're in a transmission—zim talking to a literal representation of how the tallest have always existed in his head, as two distorted silhouettes, as delusions—that is insanely succinct in describing the true detriment of zim and the tallest's relationship to each other, at least to me.

this is, in my opinion, the most fucked up imagery in florpus, maybe even the entire series to me—and, most likely, none of the invader zim crew meant it to come across quite like that. zim's performance of normalcy in the face of what he is unaware is the tallest's last living moments. the delayed video feed in the transmission, shortly followed by complete and utter panic from the tallest, who were possibly oblivious to the fact that zim had even contacted them amongst their chaos. zim almost seeming as if he is staring at his own reflection in the screen rather than right at the tallest. a physical representation of what their entire relationship has been built on since the beginning—a blurry idea, a vague delusion of a bond that is in actuality no more than a fatal, life long misunderstanding on each end. it's the most palpably gut wrenching thing in the whole film for me, and i don't care that none of it was probably meant to pack that type of punch. it's always hit me hard.

#invader zim #zim #the tallest #tallest red #tallest purple #dib membrane #my return to tumblr after four months is an unnecessarily long and half assed spiral about unintentional angst #i never talk about my perspective of things within canon publicly but i think So Much about zim and the tallest #i only ever ramble about this type of thing in private with my equally as insane friends #a lot of this is actually strung together direct from many conversations about this topic with friends lmfao #i looooove constructing my stream of consciousness thoughts into actually coherent things #also doubt that anybody is gonna gaf about this post or these tags but pls don't tag as prazr lol #i like my zims to suffer the way jhonen intended #free of any romantic attachment and solely within his own strained view of the world

[flyiingsly]

To build a home

Square : Tell me the truth

Pairing : Rex x gn!jedi!reader

Warnings : Mention of injuries, a lot of angst and a bit of fluff

Wordcount : 4k

Summary : Rex is acting strange with you since you both returned from your last mission on Saleucami, and you have a hard time figuring why. Until someone decided to give you a little help to resolve the situation.

A/N : My eleventh submission for the @clonexreaderbingo ! Oh well, I don’t know why but this one was harder to write than I thought it would be (maybe because I was too emotionally involved in it haha) ! Not gonna lie, the first time I saw that CW episode with Suu and Cut, it immediately became one of my favorites from the whole series for a lot of reason, but mostly because I had the feeling that this encounter must have been a huge event for Rex. (And because I really love Suu 😄) Enjoy ❤

Disclaimer : I'm still struggling to understand English grammar properly, English is not my native language and even if I have proofread my writtings several times, there is probably still typos in it. I'm very self conscious about it and I apologize for it in advance, but I'm doing my best to do better and I'm actively working at improving my writting skills !

So if you spot a typo, feel free to point it to me so I can correct it, it will be much appreciated :)

You were just coming back from Saleucami, from a mission to intercept the General Grievous after the crash of his ship on that planet. It failed, of course, as every mission with the purpose of capturing him so far.

It was exhausting, but at least, most of your men survived it, even Rex. He had been injured by a commando droid aiming at him from a distance. The shot nearly get to his heart, missing it from only a few centimeters. At the second you heard the bullet impact on his armor and seen his speeder bike losing control of its trajectory and crashing against the dirt, your own heart stopped immediately.

You tried your best to stay focused and gave the order to Kix to go after the Captain and protect him while you, Hardcase and Jesse, took care of destroying those droid. Once it had been done, you reached for him as faster as you can, fearing the worst.

He was unconscious, and Kix needed to remove his armor to get a closer look at the wound, which meant that you had to find a safer spot where you weren’t in plain sight and an easy to shoot target. The chance was on your side, as a farm was near, and you ended up laying the Captain on a wooden table, in a barn, under the hospitality of a fierce but kind Twi’lek lady.

Kix took care of the injury and the lady offered you some sweet fruits to eat. You were finally safe, he was safe, especially, and it was all that really mattered to you at that moment. But he was too weak to go back to fight, and the rest of you had to move on and continue with the mission. It was hard to convince him to stay hidden here until the bacta patches have healed the bullet impact properly, or at least until he have regained a bit of strength. Kix had to use his special “medic outranking everyone” card, but he finally accepted to stay in the barn and get some rest.

It worried you a bit to let him here alone, and the Twi’lek noticed it by the way you looked at him.

“It’s gonna be ok, he’s gonna be fine here, it’s a safe place, safe enough to raise children, so I’m pretty sure that a courageous Clone Captain like him will survive it. Don’t worry, we’ll look after him.” she says to you with an understanding and reassuring smile.

And indeed, when you got reunited later, he was in a much better condition, still a bit tired, but safe and sound nonetheless.

But when you all get back to Coruscant, you felt like something was different with him. Something seemed wrong with his behavior, he was suddenly all distant and unusually cold with you, like if he was here but not really here, hearing what you were saying to him but not properly listening. It was so off character that it was nearly scary.

He suddenly wasn’t the same man as he was with you anymore, and every man from your battalion noticed it too, as you’ve always been close to each other. You were always standing together, either on missions or outside the battlefield. You were like each other’s shadow, simply inseparable. And then, suddenly, he acted like you were a stranger to him.

You had a hard time processing it, asking yourself what you could have possibly done wrong to deserve this, and after a few days of being treated that way, you were a mess. You tried several time to engage a conversation about what was going on, or mostly just to engage a conversation, because your interactions were as inexistent as the subtlety of General Skywalker in terms of diplomacy since your return.

But it wasn’t very useful. He just kept giving you excuses as “I have to bring my report to the General right now”, “I have a review of the armory to do”, “I have to go check on the ship’s reparations advancements”, and more “I have to” this, and “I have to” that … It was only excuses to avoid talking to you, and it was making you sick.

You were very close to your soldiers, and they started to worry for you, just as you were worrying for them when they were in pain or struggling with difficult feelings. They knew that the situation was unusual and hard to bear for you, something was wrong with their captain, but they couldn’t understand what the problem was neither.

Rex was acting strange, and everyone around could sense it, even Anakin. Especially Anakin. He could feel it, his Captain was trying to hide something, something big in his opinion.

Just like most of the company, he suspected that something, as unconscious as it can be, was going on between the two of you. The way you glanced at each other, the way you looked after one another on the battlefield, always having the back of the other when things got tricky, these half smiles you exchanged sometimes, that way you communicated through eye contact, without saying a word …

All that closeness, all these little jokes and teasing you threw at each other ... It was obvious, for everyone around, even if nobody had the courage to say it out loud, everybody could see it, and everybody was asking themselves if you were both too focused on your work and missions to notice it, or totally in denial about it, or both, but they knew that you were both absolutely incompetent at expressing your feelings anyway.

Your men did try to make you open your eyes, oh Maker, they did try ! More or less subtly, but they never got anything significant from it. Maybe one day you’ll realize it by yourselves, but until that day, they made it their personal challenge to succeed at pushing you in each other’s arms.

But right now, it wasn’t all fun and a game anymore. Some of them tried to address their Captain about it, only to get roughly sent back or ignored as well.

Until Anakin decided to act about it.

“Hey, Rex !”, he caught him while he was heading toward his quarters, “How are you Captain ? Has your injury finished to heal already ? How do you feel now ?”

“That’s a lot of questions General ! I’m fine, and my injury is getting better and better, it’s nearly just a scar now, thanks you for asking. And how about you, General ? Is everything alright ?“

He instantly regretted his question, as he had the feeling that something was on the jedi’s mind, and he was right.

“Actually ... There’s something I’m worrying about right now … Someone, precisely …”

“Here we go …” Rex though, that subject again … He felt his heart begin to beat faster as he prepared himself to dodge that bullet once more. They were passing by the door of the company’s barracks at that exact moment, and Anakin suddenly stopped walking right in front of it.

“Listen, Rex … I know that some of your men try to talk to you about it before, and I know that you know what I’m thinking about. I know that there’s something wrong with the way you act, I don’t know what it’s all about, I don’t know what happened between the two of you …”

“Nothing happened …” he abruptly interrupts the man in front of him.

“Yeah, I already know that, nothing happened … And that’s why you need to talk to her, because she don’t understand what’s going on in your mind. It’s been days and she keep asking herself what she did wrong to offend you. And honestly, everybody has noticed it … Your acting weird since we came back from Saleucami … I can feel your pain, Rex, I can feel your fear, your doubt, your regrets … You are haunted by some thoughts I can’t describe, but I know it’s all about her, I can feel it … You’re hurting yourself, and you’re hurting her in the process … You know, I dearly appreciate the two of you, in more ways than just soldiers, so I think it’s normal for me to worry about that …”

The clone remained silent for a moment, looking at the ground.

“I’m sorry my General, I should have hide it better so it would not affect the rest of my men. I’m sorry if I’ve caused troubles, I’ll do my best so it won’t happen anymore, you have my word.”

“What ? No, that’s not what I’m talking about ! I don’t care about the rumors or the troubles, I just want you to talk to her and clear the situation, I just want the two of you to feel better …” he sighs and pauses for a moment, searching for his words, before going on gently but with more determination.

“Look, there’s clearly something going on between you, everybody but you know that ! All the smiles, all the glances, all the private jokes, all that time spend together, all the cuddles … Because yes, everybody noticed the “innocent” cuddling when the two of you have a moment to rest during missions, that habit you have to lean on each other to take a nap every time you have the occasion … Come on ! You’re attracted to each other like magnets ! That’s cute as hell, and everyone in the company is just waiting for the moment when you will finally confess those feelings, because you are MEANT to be together, and I shouldn’t say you that, but right now, I just don’t care anymore, I just want the two of you to be happy again, because you both deserve it, you both deserve to be happy, and I’m being sincere, Captain.”

The jedi’s words felt like a violent electroshock in his mind. As sudden shiver washed over his body, and he felt the heat raising to his face, painting his cheeks a dark shade of pink. Yes, of course he was hurting himself by trying to brush away all his feelings for you. Of course he was feeling miserable and awful about it, about what you must have gone through these last days, all because of him.

“Yes, you’re right … I’ve done it all wrong, and I know it … I was trying to protect myself from things that I finally realized were true after a long time denying them. It was frightening, and being cold and distant was the only way I found to deal with my fear … But I never meant to hurt her, I promise …”

“I know that, Rex, but it’s not to me that you should explain it …”

Anakin suddenly reached for the electronic controlling pad of the barrack’s door and opened it. A human form was sitting here on a bed, in the dark atmosphere of the empty room, waiting for something, or for someone. It was you, and both of the men saw you rising you head toward the door in surprise, looking at them.

Rex’s eyes widen, a confused expression growing on his face.

“My General, what is that ?”

“A perfect opportunity that get things fixed properly, Captain !” he answers with a proud smile.

The clone nervously looked at his superior right in the eyes, embarrassed as he has never been. Of course that idiot had to get involved into that too, and of course he had to take some initiatives about it. He knew that he’ll thank him later, but for now, he was mostly panicked and taken aback.

He took a deep breath and enter the vast room, the door nearly instantly closing behind him. Now it was just the two of you.

He could tell the exact moment when you noticed it was him by the widening of your own eyes. When his gaze met yours, he immediately stopped in his tracks.

“Rex ?” you ask in surprise, “What are you doing here ?”

“Well, I should ask you the same. What are you doing in my men’s barracks ?”

Anakin told you he needed to talk to you about something earlier, and to wait for him here, because it was more private than in the jedi’s quarters. You found it a bit weird, but it was Anakin after all, he was acting weird on a daily basis. But when you saw him standing on the doorstep with Rex, you quickly understood what he had tried to do here. Of course, you should have seen it coming, but you were too distracted to think much about it.

He took a few step toward you, slowly, like if he was afraid to scare you. You let him close the distance between you without a word, looking at him right the eyes. As he was getting closer, you slowly get up, making him halt again. You were now only a couple meters away.

You looked at each other for a few more seconds in silence, before you finally spoke.

“I guess that General Skywalker really wanted us to have that conversion, more than you, I suppose …” you answer with a lump in your throat.

You heard him sight heavily before lowering his head to stare at the concrete floor. You were doing your best to retain the tears starting to form in your eyes.

“Look” you start again with a trembling voice, “I don’t want to force you into anything, I just … I’m just trying to understand what’s going on, or what happen than I didn’t notice. I mean, I’ve been trying to talk to you for days, but every time you just … Avoided me … I’m not here to lecture you or to shame you, but, I just need you to talk to me …”

You were struggling to find your words, and the more and more you were trying, the more difficult it was. You felt like you weren’t able to explain what you were feeling. It was awfully frustrating and the tears were more and more difficult to hold back.

“Oh Kriff !” you finally snap, “I just need you to tell me what did I do to make you suddenly turn your back on me, because I just can’t understand whatever it is all about, and it makes me so sad that I can’t sleep at night because I can’t stop thinking about it ! So please, if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I’ll get it, I won’t be trying anymore, because you mean so much to me that I just don’t want to ruin your life by just being here … If you suddenly decided to hate me, I’ll accept it, but, at least tell me why, show me what I’ve done, show me my mistake if I made one, but please, just … Just tell me the truth, please …”

You weren’t used to get that overwhelmed by your feelings, and you were trying your best to not sound as desperate and moved as you really were. The tone of your voice wasn’t even aggressive or angry, but you knew that despite all of your efforts, its quavering was betraying you.

As another heavy silence fell between you, you couldn’t take it anymore, and tears started to escape your eyes and roll down your cheeks. When he found the courage to look at you again, he noticed it immediately. The wall of indifference he had tried to build around himself for days to stay as far as possible from you started to slowly crumble down, and an expression of profound sadness and pain started to appear on his previously expressionless face.

“You didn’t do anything …” he whispers, “… The truth is … I stumbled upon something I wasn’t expecting to find on Saleucami ...”

“What do you mean ?” you ask in concern.

“I promised that I wasn’t gonna tell anyone about that, but … I’ve always trusted you more than anybody else so, I think that you have the right to know now …”

The whole thing seemed to become more and more mysterious, and your mind couldn’t help but try to anticipate what he could possibly reveal to you.

“That Twi’lek lady wasn’t alone on that farm, there was her husband too, and her two children …”

You already knew about the children. You furrowed your brows, not sure about where all of this was going to lead you.

“I’ve recognized her husband as soon as I heard his voice, for he had the same voice as mine, and the same face too … His husband was a clone, just like me, but a deserter one …”

You gasped at his words. You obviously weren’t expected that kind of things.

“I couldn’t believe it, and I have to admit that it gave some kind of big moral dilemma at first, because we’re not supposed to do that, we’re not supposed to turn our back on the army to live a civilian life, it’s not what we’ve been created for. It’s treason, and it should be punished … But then he told me about his story, and I started to understand him, to understand his choices, and I knew that I just couldn’t report him, because he deserved this life, and that would have been unfair to take that from him, from them …”

He stopped to take a deep breath as his voice was becoming weaker and filled with emotion.

“So, the truth is … that day on Saleucami, I didn’t just stay in a farmer barn waiting for Kix’s bacta patches to heal my wound, I discovered that the army was maybe not the only path for us to take, that maybe there was something else, something more to expect from life … And then, when I was here, sat at the table they invited me over, as I was looking at them, I couldn’t help but … I couldn’t help but see us, you, and me, far away from the war and the suffering, in a house made from our hands, peacefully living without the fear of dying on a battlefield anymore, watching over our children, building our own family …”

His forehead was contracted and tensed, it was clear that confessing all of this to you was hard for him. You could feel his struggle, and it broke your heart.

“I know that I shouldn’t say that …” he pursues, “ … But at this point I’ve realized that there’s no way I can keep this for myself anymore, I’m too far gone …”

You couldn’t say anything, you were stuck to his lips, listening religiously to him, dying to know what was going to be said next.

“I love you, (y/n), and I have been for a long time now. I’ve been trying to hide it as best as I can, and I thought that I was doing great with it. But since I met that family, a lot of things have changed in my mind. I know that I’m not acting like myself anymore, and I hate it … I just didn’t know how to react properly, I thought that putting some distance between us would have helped me process everything and be able to deal with those feeling like I’ve always done, but it became the exact contrary. It just made things worse, for both of us … I’ll probably be court-marshalled for this if it passed that door, but if you decided to report me, I’ll understand. I know it’s inappropriate, and it would be deserved … I don’t want you to hate me, but maybe it’s the best option I got, after all …”

“Why would I report you ? Why would I hate you ?” you mumble, his words hitting you hard.

“Because it’s clearly against every possible GAR’s regulations and protocols, against the jedi code, against my very purpose as a clone …“ he breathes out, his eyes slowly becoming watery too.

“I don’t care …” you cut him, your whole body shivering and your heart beating faster than ever.

“I don’t care ….” You repeat softly through your ragging breath, “… Because I love you too, Rex, and I don’t want the rules to tear me apart from you, ever …”

Tears were overflowing your face now, and you just got enough time to finish your sentence before a sob made your voice break. The shiver that was running down your spine turn to a violent shaking, and the only thing that you were able to do was to cover your face with both your hands in a desperate attempt to hide your pain. You felt like paralyzed, completely lost and doomed, you just couldn’t think properly anymore.

The man you were in love with just confessed his feelings to you, and you should be happy about it, but you knew it wasn’t that easy. You knew it wasn’t supposed to work that way in the particular context of a galactic war, even more in the light of your respectives roles and responsibilities.

For a moment, it seemed that time had stopped around you, until you felt two arms wrapping around you like a shield. You didn’t reacted at first, afraid that it could be your exhausted mind playing tricks on you. But then, you hear a familiar voice quietly whispering comforting words in your ear, and your heart skipped a beat when you realized that it wasn’t just in your head.

“Then we will not let them tear us apart, no matter what.”

All that he wanted was to make you feel safe now. Loosing you was frightening him more than anything, and as long as you were on his side, the rules weren’t as important as they seemed after all.

You slowly let your hand slip from your face to wrap your own arms around hid neck, pulling him as closer as you could.

“So, what are we supposed to do now ?” you ask when you had finally calm down and were able to speak again.

You felt his embrace around you loosen up a bit, just enough so he could move his head to face you. He looked at you for a moment, admiring you with glowing eyes. He face was closer from yours than it has ever been, and your bodies were so pressed against each other that you could feel his heart beating as fast as yours.

“We could try to keep it to ourselves until the end of the war … And when it will all be over, then maybe we could retire, and start a new life, together …” his voice was shy but full of hope.

“I know that I don’t want to share my life with anyone else but you, I don’t feel happy without you, I don’t feel human without you … So, you just have to tell me what you want, and I’ll do my best to offer it to you, I promise…”

Your eyes became teary again, but not from pain this time. It was tears of joy, for you could finally share what had been on your heart for so long, and most of all, you were realizing that these feelings were mutuals. You couldn’t resist it anymore, and without a warning, your lips came crashing against his in a long awaited and passionate kiss, to which he immediately answered, melting under that touch he had craved to feel so many times before.

When you parted, you were out of breath and seeing stars. You gently settled your forehead against his, both letting out a sigh of relief.

“All that I ever wanted was to be with you, so if it means that I’ll spend the rest of my life with you, I’m fine with keeping our relationship undercover until we don’t have to fight anymore, as long as we start building it right now.” You whisper back with a smile.

He chuckled fondly at your words, before planting another soft kiss on your lips.

“Of course, mesh’la, it wasn’t even an option.”

#cfb2023 #vi writing #rex x reader #captain rex x reader #captain rex #star wars #the clone wars #tcw rex #the clone wars x reader

[pemberlyprose]

Franz Kafka- Short Stories

Literature is the most extraordinary gift. It's timeless, precious, informative… At least, it can be-- Once you figure out how to unwrap the damn thing!

Franz Kafka is a writer that I don't understand. Simply put. He uses language in a way that amazes my senses, curdles my brain, expands my heart, and threshes my ways of thinking. Still, I do not understand him. However, because of this, I do experience his writing most intensely. So, in a way, I feel like Franz Kafka is like a literary impressionist. Things aren't always clear upon first glance, but with patience, an open mind, and softer observations, they become more beautiful for being so.

Since it's my first time reading Kafka, I bought The Metamorphosis and Other Stories published by Schocken Books (translated by Willa and Edwin Muir). My favorite group of writings Kafka did are listed under the "Meditation" and "The Country Doctor" sections. I love how they are like glimpses into his mind and the world he perceives with it. There's one story in particular, "Children on a Country Road", that's about a group of boys running through the countryside that makes me feel so happy and nostalgic. I absolutely love it… but, again, I must confess, I had to read these stories multiple times to comprehend on a basic level what they were about. As was the case with the larger stories like "The Metamorphosis" and "In the Penal Colony", which were fascinating but emotionally and mentally challenging.

Working to understand something, digging tirelessly to unearth the root, is quite satisfying for me. I like the "click." That moment of understanding when all the details fall perfectly into place, and it feels as if the information takes on a deeper resonance. Reading Kafka has challenged this way of thinking.

Like a fox digging excitedly at the burrow while the rabbit watches from above… Now I see that sometimes the deeper you stoop to claw at an idea, the more room you make for it to leap over your head. We all think we're clever until we're walking home exhausted and unsatisfied.

So, look up. Look at things in their entirety, vague and frustrating as it is, and appreciate them when you can. Then say to yourself, contentedly and not resentfully, "I don't understand, but…"

It's beautiful anyway. It's important anyway. It's affecting anyway. It's lovely anyway. It's taught me something anyway.

So, what do I think of Kafka? I think he has broken my heart, tormented my mind, and kindled my soul. I think he's an extraordinary writer with a unique vision that is difficult to process. I think he had a lot to say as a young man, as a young writer, who didn't like how the world could be equal parts cruel and beautiful… and I think he didn't understand either: himself, his passion, or his impact. But, to say that indefinitely would be out of turn. So, I'll say this instead:

I think Franz Kafka is…

And I'll let that be that.

#literature #books & libraries #dark academia #romantic academia #light academia #aesthetic #books #words #classic academia #franz kafka #picture source: pinterest #the metamorphosis #personal #bookshelf #bookblr

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Not to keep harping on this but I accidentally saw a post that pissed me off a little bit so I'm gonna talk about it. Originally I was gonna put this at the end of the post but I've decided to move it to the top because I know some people are determined to take me out of context so I'll sacrifice the formatting of this post and some of the impact of this sentence in a vain hope that my point will not be misconstrued. I fully anticipate people skipping over this first paragraph anyway but at least I did my due diligence. You can like Izzy, I like Lestat (AMC IWTV), I like the Joker, It's fine to have an evil blorbo. It's the apologia that gets me tho. You're fake villain fuckers and you can't admit that your blorbo is fucked up in some deeply uncomfortable ways.

That said on to my angry meta: Either Izzy is homophobic, or he's an abuser. He could be both, but he can't be neither otherwise the literal climax of the first season doesn't make any fucking sense. Like he calls in a swat on Stede and the crew because Stede has, quote, "done something to his boss's brain" and he wants Stede dead because of it. homosexuality as a corrupting influence is textbook homophobia. He thinks Stede has made Ed soft and he thinks he's using his limp wristed wiles to do it.

If you don't want to read it as homophobia (which would be a weird reading because it fails to explain that line and misses the whole message about toxic masculinity, but I've heard it's the reading that some people go with so, let's look at it) and you think that he's doing all of this because he's in love with Ed and he's jealous, I hate to tell you but that brings us back around to the abuser reading.

Like, the reading that this subset of the fandom seems to want me to believe is Izzy is in tragic gay love with Ed. But that doesn't make a single damn thing that he did ok. In fact it kind of makes it worse. Like trying to kill the loved ones of your beloved is text book abuser behavior. You're telling me that Izzy feels so entitled to Ed that he cannot take "Fuck off you're banished from the ship" For an answer, and he has to kill the guy that he blames for turning Ed against him? And I'm supposed to sympathize with that? Get real. That's text book abuser behavior. If that's the reading, then Izzy can't handle Ed having someone in his life that isn't Izzy, he can't handle Ed making decisions that Izzy doesn't approve of, and he can't handle Ed breaking off their relationship (which was Izzy's fault by the way he agreed to duel Stede sorry you can't handle the consequences honey). Those first two things you have to be able to handle if you want to have friends or even professional relationships, and the third thing is something that you're allowed to be upset about but that you're gonna have to move on from. Instead Izzy comes up with a hair brained scheme that risks the crews lives, Calico Jack's life, and, most importantly, risks Ed's life in order to... what? Undermine Ed's own autonomous choice to pursue a relationship with Stede? Get rid of a guy that he thinks is driving him and Ed apart so that Ed will maybe take him back? That's abuser shit my guy.

If there's another explanation for Izzy calling the fucking cops I'd love to hear it but as far as I can tell the options are "He hates Stede because Stede is frilly and camp and thinks Stede is making Ed weak" aka Textbook hate crime and "He's in deeply dysfunctional love and is therefore trying to force Ed to be in a relationship with him despite the fact that Ed has made it clear he doesn't want that" aka Textbook abuser.

To be clear I wouldn't have Izzy any other way. The roll he plays in the narrative is important to the story. I don't like him, per se, but I like stories about overcoming toxic masculinity, and those stories have to have a villain, and I was deeply emotionally ruined by the consequences of his actions, (i.e. the domino effect that caused Stede to abandon Ed on the dock) so I want him around for as long as they decide to keep him around. Just, like, fucking pretending he's never done anything wrong ever? Come on now.

#izzy critical #ofmd meta

[hazelnut-u-out]

read this post and thought it was interesting because i actually have a completely opposite perspective on “rick’s crybaby backstory.”

rather than feeling like it was lackluster because it was simple and cliché, i found myself feeling as if it complimented his character so much more by being so unremarkable.

you have this man who is known for being a “rogue,” even in a league of his own; for committing ruthless acts of genocide and devastation; for being calloused and hardened; for being the most interesting man in the universe. as the audience, we’re even aware that he is “in great pain.”

all of this- coupled with a character that we should think is evil, but can’t help noticing these traits in that are so undeniably good- leave you wondering,

“what could have possibly made him this way?!”

you expect it to be some crazy unique tale or, at the very least, something interesting-

but… it’s not.

just a dead wife and child cliché.

it kind of forces you to put this character into perspective: his motivations, his priorities, his desires.

the very foundation of rick’s character is in… family. mundanity. something we’ve seen a million times before. the most unoriginal origin story someone could have.

i think that really sets up this beautiful arc for him: chaos, apathy, and violence on such a gargantuan scale all coming down to one little moment of unoriginality.

i also think that it sets up the tone of the series perfectly by not being something “light” or “funny,” or something that could easily be viewed through that lense. it’s not something “whacky” or “zany” in the “silly space show.” it’s not some joke that he’s deeply broken and consumed by anguish. his self-destructive and abusive behavior in the present doesn’t stem from some event that can just be cracked up for cheap shots and humor.

its simplicity makes it so… real.

i don’t necessarily think that it takes away from diane’s character to have her die. i think that there are so many avenues that they could take to explore her character or the impact of her character on other people (although, i wonder if it’s best thematically to keep her as a memory to the audience and preserve some sort of mystery and intimacy that belongs only to rick and beth).

i think it was brilliant to have rick mention that summer reminds him of diane. it gives us a little insight into her character without actually having to show us that she was mischievous, witty, and enjoyed the pleasures in life.

one idea i’ve toyed with is the possibility that rick and morty could have to “clean up” a mess put in motion by something diane did before she died, and we could observe how seeing that echo of his wife- not just another diane- out there in the universe would effect rick emotionally.

at any rate, i think his crybaby backstory humanizes him in a way that wouldn’t have been possible if he had had a more “interesting” backstory. it’s so perfect for him because it leaves you feeling incomplete. it feels lackluster alongside a character that is anything but unoriginal, but it’s one of the most integral parts of him.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #diane sanchez #thought blurbs #rick’s crybaby backstory

[melhekhelmurkun]

Watched The Shining by Kubrick last night, and I can honestly understand why Stephen King hates it so much. It’s definitely not the best adaptation of the book at all, and the film really did destroy all the characterization the book goes through for each of the characters.

He might’ve been a bastard and a drunk, but Jack Torrance did love his wife and son, and the book does show that. It’s only towards the late middle and end that he really goes psychotic, and that’s mainly because of the hotel itself essentially possessing him and bringing out the worst of him. I am in no way excusing his actions, because he is an attempted murderer and an abusive father, but he did love Wendy and Danny, and he wasn’t a psychopath. Ultimately, it was his love for his son that stopped him when he managed to catch up to Danny, and it was what made him try to kill himself in an attempt to save his family. Unfortunately, at that point the Hotel was too powerful, and it didn’t matter if Jack was alive or dead; it just needed his body. The movie really failed to show his descent into madness; it just jumps right into crazy, with nothing to show the man he was before everything at the hotel happened. It also failed to show that the Hotel - the ‘manager’, as was stated - was truly what was behind everything. Had the Torrances not gone to the Overlook, would Jack have snapped and killed his family? It’s a possibility, but a low one - it’s more likely that Wendy would’ve ended up divorcing him, or he would’ve carried out his suicidal thoughts.

Wendy Torrance was not a weak woman - she not only had the courage and drive to stand up to her husband when he went batshit crazy, she locked him in a pantry, stabbed him, and went up multiple flights of stairs while very badly injured… and then she lived to be happy afterwards! She survived having her back broken by her husband when he tried to kill her, and lived a happy life afterwards! I can name maybe three people in my life who I am confident could do that. Kubrick’s decision to depict Wendy as an emotionally fragile woman was just demeaning to her character. Shelly Duvall did an incredible job, however, and I respect her immensely for it. That’s not an easy role to be put into in any way, especially not when you’re working for a nightmare of a director who decides that the best way to get results is to psychologically torture the star actress. She depicted the movie version of Wendy perfectly. I was cheering for her the whole way.

And then there’s all the other changes which I can understand from a filmmaker’s perspective as being more logical to making a movie, but they did change the story quite a bit. Having Jack use an axe rather than the roque mallet was an understandable change, as it was more recognizable to the public as a dangerous weapon, however… it meant that most of the important scenes, such as when Wendy’s back gets broken, never happen. You can’t exactly do that with an axe, can you? But that scene is one of the most impactful (pun not intended) and important to the book, at least in my view, since it shows her resilience and her love for her son, as mentioned in the above paragraph about her character. The choice to use the axe also meant that that Dick Hallorann died when he should not have.

That man, the chef with the Shine, was more important to the book, I think, than any character. He was the first to tell Danny that he wasn’t alone, that there were more people out there who had the same abilities he did, and that it wasn’t a bad thing. He was the one to tell Danny of the strange happenings at the Overlook, and to tell him that the visions might be scary but ultimately he didn’t think they could hurt him - which ended up being a major part of Danny’s choices. The main part of the reason Danny went into room 217 (237 in the movie) was because he remembered Dick telling him that the visions couldn’t hurt him, that all he had to do was look away when he saw them. And then there was how Dick came all the way across the country to help Danny when he was called. He pledged to help that boy if needed, and when he was needed, he came immediately, and ended up saving the remaining Torrances. His refusal to let that boy and his family die was such a big part of the story.

I can also understand the decision to turn the hedge topiary into a hedge maze. Making bush animals move is not at all easy, especially for a movie made in the 80’s. However, the animals were also fairly important to the story; they were the first real visual of Jack’s descent into madness, and then later a big factor of his possession by the Overlook; when he refused to believe that he’d seen them move, he essentially shut down any possibility of belief that there was something wrong at the hotel. By the end of the book, we sort of find out that the hotel itself was influencing his willingness to believe that, but his initial refusal did push that along. Once someone has made up their mind about something, even something they’ve seen with their own two eyes, it’s often very difficult to get them to change it, especially in a scary situation. The topiary was the first big turning point in Jack’s psyche.

Then there’s the decision to change his death scene - having him freeze to death after getting lost in the hedge maze and suffering a mild heart attack. It was… definitely a choice? In the book itself, after Jack ‘kills’ himself (again, the Hotel was possessing him fully at that point and no longer needed him alive, just needed his body, so him fighting back and bashing his own face in really did nothing in the long run but was a rather important scene - see the paragraph on Jack Torrance for clarification) the boiler in the hotel begins to overheat. The Hotel (possessing Jack’s body) goes to release the steam from it to prevent it from exploding - the problem here is that Jack was told by Watson that the boiler would blow long before the pressure gauge reached its red zone, because it was so old. But since it was not Jack present in that body but the Hotel itself, it had no idea about this and believed the boiler was now safe, as it had managed to reach it before the needle hit the red… and then the boiler exploded. Having Jack freeze to death in the hedge maze (and thus forcing us to experience that absolutely ridiculous final scene where we see him frozen) was a much less final and impactful death than that of the boiler exploding. With the explosion, his body was destroyed, and so the ‘manager’ of the Overlook was destroyed (the ghost/demon). It was a finale; the evil perished, the good guys got away, and everything was right in the world. With the freezing, it was much less final, and much less satisfying.

Objectively, if you separate the book from the movie, the movie wasn’t terrible. I did like it, and I had a lot of fun watching it. But as an adaptation, I found it VERY lacking. I can understand why King hates it so much.

#long post #very long post #film review #kind of #film analysis #book analysis #the shining #stephen king #jack torrance #wendy torrance #danny torrance #dick hallorann #opinion post #I’ve been thinking about this all day #the book was absolutely incredible and it’s now one of my favorite books #I couldn’t put it down #I would analyze Carrie 1976 next but I don’t have the energy #its 12am so #maybe tomorrow #the shining 1980 #I also don’t like how they never used the quote ‘this inhuman place makes human monsters’ #like that was such a bomb ass quote I loved it #instead they did the whole ‘all work no play’ thing which was weird af #didn’t like that at all #I do appreciate how Jack put the sentence into a proper play format tho lol #he was losing his mind but by god was he gonna follow correct formatting

[fallatyourfeet]

Every Single Second (Thomas Shelby x Reader) One-shot

Word count: 1388

Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, threats, violence against women. Both Tommy and reader are injured.

A/N: Full disclosure. I know what a whump fic is, but I have never written one before. Nor have I ever really sought them out to read. So I really hope this qualifies. Sorry anon, if it doesn't. I tried my best.

Please feel free to send me a message/comment/ask, I would love to know what you think.

If you like this, please feel free to visit my blog and take a look around! You can find my masterlist in my bio.

You remembered every single second. Every fucking one. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. You were always told that the moments before and during traumatic events, were lost to the dark and forgotten regions of your mind. Locked away. At least, until your body had time to heal. To come back to you, slowly and sporadically in flashes of hazy images. But no. Every second of that night replayed with vivid horrifying clarity, every time you closed your eyes in the cold hard bed of the hospital. And you guessed from the way Tommy woke up screaming out your name, that he remembered every fucking second too.  

It had been the perfect evening. Good food, good wine and the undivided attention of the man you loved. It had been a trying couple of months. Tommy had been distracted and absent, both physically, and when he was home, emotionally too. It was not an unusual thing, you had grown accustom; albeit reluctantly, to the ebbs and flows of Tommy’s behaviour. You understood it, knew the pressures and stress and dangers his ambitions created through every facet of his life. But you put up with it. Not only because you loved him, but because you knew he loved you. And you knew, with your help and patience, the distraction and emotional distance, would pass. He would always find his way back to you. And that night was the end of a very frustrating stretch of weeks.  

Tommy had come home that afternoon with a smile. Slipping a pearl necklace from his jacket, he handed it to you, kissing you softly as he whispered against your ear. “I’ve made reservations at your favourite restaurant.” Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed his watch, and after a quick glance, he added, “That gives us just over an hour.” Looking back to you, his blue eyes spoke without need of words, telling you exactly how he wanted to spend the majority of that time. But just in case you weren’t listening, his fingertips moved to the buttons of your blouse, while his teeth nibbled at your ear; it was torture of the most blissful kind. And the rest of the evening unfolded in an equally glorious way, from the second he walked through the door, until the moment the car reached the lonely road leading home, the night had been perfection. 

Tommy drove with his eyes trained to either one of two places, the road ahead, or you; struggling to keep his gaze from your features. You could see it... he was happy, your joy was his joy; and he didn’t want to look away. That’s why you were the one to notice it first. Heading towards the intersection just a few hundred yards from your driveway, you first heard the distant hum of an engine. Sitting up a little straighter, you searched the road around you, quickly catching Tommy’s attention. But the moonless sky made it impossible to see anything beyond the car's headlights... that was until you neared the intersection.  

The light spilled just far enough to catch sight of a lorry barrelling towards the car... its own headlights switched off. Speeding towards Tommy. It was going to hit his door, and it was too late to stop it. With your body angled towards him, you felt every muscle stiffen, your back pushing against the glass window of the door behind you... and yet, you spoke with surprising calm, “Speed up Tommy, floor it. Now.” Seeing your alarm, Tommy didn’t hesitate, his foot hitting the accelerator hard. But it wasn’t quite enough. The lorry clipped the back, the impact sending the car into the air, rolling and crashing across the ground, before finally stopping on its roof. 

Blood. So much blood. You didn’t even know if any of it was yours. But one look at Tommy ripped all the air from your struggling lungs, stealing any ability to scream. Thrown free of his seat, he was stuck halfway through the broken windscreen, his body lying bleeding and motionless across a bed of broken glass. And his head, his poor head, even in your shocked condition and terrible light, you could tell it was battered and already bruising. Anywhere but his poor head. It was already compromised, fragile; Father Hughes had seen to that. Panic ripped through you, stripping away your shock and the numbness it provided, every inch of you crying out in silent screams of pain. It felt like every bone was broken. Biting down, you tried to ignore the searing pain and dragged yourself towards him. With a gentle hand, you rubbed his shoulder, too scared to shake, worried you could cause more damage, “Tommy... Tommy. Please wake up.” 

Incoherent mumbles slipped through his lips as he fought to open his eyes, blinking weakly in an effort to see though the blood running freely from a deep wound above his brow. They were rolling around in his head, unable to focus on you, but his mumbles were getting clearer, even though they were just a string of random words, “Be. Are you? It's not. Gun.” 

“Shhh, Tommy, you’re concussed. Keep your eyes on me... Look at me Tommy.” With the sleeve of your dress, you wiped the blood from his eyes, as he still struggled to focus on you. Screaming, you called out into the darkness, “Help... Somebody help us, please.” Where was that fucking lorry driver? You could still hear the running engine somewhere off to the side, but you couldn’t see a thing, as you too, dealt with a stream of blood flowing from somewhere amongst your hair.  

In answer to your plea, you heard footsteps crunching through the gravel of the road, followed by a voice. It was threatening and menacing, far from offering the assistance Tommy so desperately needed. “Help? You want me to help you and your bastard husband?” Crouching down, the man’s face was covered in shadows and besides his London accent, you could make out no other distinguishing features. “What happened here, lovey, was no accident.” Tommy was in a bad state, but still, the threat in the man’s voice did not evade him. Struggling to move, his panic was evident, as he feebly tried to push you away, to shield you from the man. But he was too groggy and far too injured. With weak blood-stained hands, he grabbed at his jacket, but his fingers wouldn’t co-operate, only managing to bring himself to the attention of the shadowed face.  

That’s when you saw it, the glint of Tommy’s pistol in the halter under his jacket, the sight of it abruptly pushing a stupid thought into your head. It was silly, you knew that, but you couldn’t stand by and do nothing. Ignoring the pain, you threw yourself towards Tommy, hoping to reach the pistol before the man did. But he was too quick. In one single movement, he swiped it from Tommy’s halter and struck your temple with the hilt. The impact knocked you backwards, leaving you dazed, but somehow, conscious. You knew that because of the tormented sound that escaped Tommy’s mouth. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought the pistol struck him, his anguish and distress were unmistakable. Fighting to sit upright, Tommy was able to string a coherent sentence together, and though his voice was weak, it was also unhinged and savage, “Don’t you. Fucking. Touch her.” 

That was the moment relief flooded your body. A fleeting moment of relief that did not last long. In the distance came a set of headlights, barrelling towards you from the driveway of Arrow House, ruining the lorry drivers plans. Leaning into Tommy’s ear, he spoke in quiet tones, but every word reached you clearly, “You’re a lucky man, Mr Shelby. The crash didn’t kill you. And if that car wasn’t coming right now, I’d be unloading a bullet into your head.” Then grabbing a fistful of Tommy’s shirt, he lifted his head into the air, and smashed it back against the ground, sending Tommy back into darkness and ripping a horrified scream from your lungs. But not before he whispered his threat, making sure he was loud enough for the both of you to hear, “Next time though, neither you, or your bitch will be so lucky.”

#thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby whump #thomas shelby whump #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby one shot #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders whump

[elialys]

Per your lovely, lovely flawed show tag, I am curious what you think the flaws of Fringe are?

I’m sorry it took me so long to answer, I got distracted!

Fringe definitely had its share of flaws. I won’t even address the ones that can “be excused” by the fact that it was a show made before/early 2010s in terms of representations/inclusions, because you know, it is what it is.

I think my biggest ‘regret’/annoyance has always been the writers’ tendency to…shove traumas under a rug, or to not properly (if at all) talk about the consequences of some events that happened. I get that they had to make the characters go through a lot of drama because that’s the point of stories, especially on TV shows that have over 20 episodes per season, but the characters suffered through some terrible stuff time and time again, and they were just FINE. And it’s not like they didn’t know how to do it!

I’ve always loved the first few episodes of season 2 because they showed recovery. Olivia had a bad car accident, then she had to kill “Charlie”, and it took her time to get better from all of that, not just physically but emotionally, too. And yet, over and over again after that, she goes through horrible things and there’s…almost nothing? Like, I adore Marionette, I think it’s a brilliant episode through & through, but I still can’t believe Olivia went through all the shit she went through Over There (and coming back) and didn’t have some serious PTSD, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE she’d already gone through (aka why I wrote Shivered Bones). Peter too was barely allowed to mention what Walter did to him after he came back at the end of season 2, barely ever allowed to mention what Altlivia did to him either, except in some awkward bits of dialogue (I will discuss Peter’s character a bit more later).

Also, the whole REWRITING THE TIMELINE at the end of season 3?? Biggest cop-out. I mean, I’ve never hid the fact that any kind of ‘amnesia’ plot is honestly one of my LEAST favorite tropes, in anything. From the moment that season started airing and Peter reappeared being a complete stranger, I just disliked that so much on principle. But what will always pain me is how by doing so, the writers completely erased not just Peter but THE FIRST THREE SEASONS.

Like, poof, gone.

(adding a 'keep reading' because this is long 😂)

Conveniently, it erased Baby!Henry in the process, which the writers might have felt would be too much of an issue? Personally I would have loved to see that unfold. I know I’ve discussed this before on this blog, probably more than once, but they could have kept SO MUCH of season 4 the way it was, as far as the Bridge was concerned, could have come up with a brand new Vilain to do all the “NEW UNIVERSE” stuff Bell/Jones tried to do, while our core characters had to deal with the consequences of everything that happened in season 3 (including Peter being a dad, WITHOUT trying to force a stupid ‘love triangle’ down our throats, thank you). It would have made for great, impactful family drama, because who are we kidding. Anyone who loves Fringe typically loves it because it is such an emotional, family drama. So yes, I will forever mourn the universe(s) we had season 1-3, and endlessly daydream about what could have been.

Now let me talk about Peter Bishop, it’s been a hot minute. Peter Bishop, who was hated basically the entire time the show was airing, and still now is strongly disliked by a lot of viewers, and honestly, I can’t blame them? I’ve had over a decade to analyze his character, have spent hundreds of hours writing stories from his POV, explaining his traumas & mistakes, have written giant meta posts about him back in the days to explain his behavior, so I’m not exactly objective, but I’m also very honest about how flawed his character is. Not (just) as a human being, which is normal because humans are flawed. I mean, he’s flawed in the way the writers used him/wrote him.

He’s probably the most inconsistent of all the characters. He’s the character who suffered the most from the ‘let’s make this person act out a certain way to make sure it fits our plot’ syndrome.  I will never forgive the writers for how…clueless (for lack of a better word), they wrote Peter in early season 3 during the Switch. Yes, Peter was traumatized as a kid, yes he was in love, yes yes, I know all of that, I’ve written endlessly about it to explain his cluelessness so I know.

Still, Peter should have figured it out. Peter as we saw him in season 1 and 2, especially second half of season 2, would have figured out. He figured out BY HIMSELF that he was from another universe, ‘just’ from his dad and Olivia’s weird behaviors and the fact that he didn’t go ‘POOF’ on that bridge in 2x18. Peter went to another universe, he met Olivia’s alternate. He’d just spent weeks running from his life, trying to accept the fact that he was lied to all of his life. At best, he was suspicious, at worst, he was paranoid (as was mentioned in 2x20 in Northwest Passage). Literally 3 days after he gets to THAT OTHER UNIVERSE, and 3 hours after meeting Olivia’s doppelganger, Olivia ‘I hide from my own emotions’ Dunham comes tell him he belongs with her and smooches him, so he goes home. Yet the writers want me to believe Peter would not have still been reeling from EVERYTHING that just happened in his life, and not be a bit on edge?

Like, ‘damn, the woman I love and have come to know quite well these past 2 years is suddenly SO DIFFERENT? ALMOST LIKE SHE’S ANOTHER PERSON? A BIT LIKE THAT ALTERNATE VERSION OF HER I MET 48H AGO, THAT’S NOT A COINCIDENCE AT ALL’. But nope, Peter just accepts it, EVERY CHARACTER on that side just accepts it, when Lincoln and Charlie keep on looking at our Olivia like “Is this chick for real? WHAT IF THEY SWITCHED THEM?”

I’m forever frustrated. It just doesn’t feel believable to me, never has. It feels like the writers went “we want everyone, and especially Peter, to be clueless the entire time so we can write our drama the way we planned it.” And that’s a shame, honestly, because that whole damn arc is already so good as it is. But it would been even better if Peter HAD figured it out, if he’d kept on pretending for a bit, if HE’D conned Altlivia the way she conned him. Like I mentioned before, Olivia already went through so much trauma during the Switch, they could have found ways to make her miserable upon coming back, without Peter having slept with her alternate for a few weeks—and the knowledge that he didn’t realize what was going on. More daydreaming on my part about what could have been.

I could go on when it comes to the way they wrote Peter honestly. The whole “maybe Peter has feelings for the other Olivia” crap in the second half of s3, and “the universe that will survive depends on which Olivia Peter chooses”, excuse me??? Altlivia basically abused him??? She used him in so many ways, including sexually. She wasn’t even herself, she was pretending, playing him the whole time. HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FEELINGS EXCEPT A LOT OF SELF-LOATHING AND MORE UNRESOLVED TRAUMA?

Anyway, I think you get my vibe and why I’ll forever be sad/mad about this. As a writer & storyteller myself, one of my strengths and favorite aspects of writing is figuring out the characters’ motivations, what drives them, and how it makes them behave. Peter’s character is just…wobbly, during those arcs. He’s inconsistent from plotline to plotline, and it feels off to me. He’s a lot more true and consistent to how I understand him in season 4, but in season 3, he’s a hot mess, meant as a plot device more than anything else, and that makes me sad. Characters are what drive stories and shape the plot, not the other way around. So yeah, I don’t blame people for always having such strong opinions/dislikes where Peter is concerned.

I could come up with more things, but this is already long enough 😂 In case that wasn’t clear, those flaws don’t stop me from having the deepest love for this show. What it did well, it did extremely well, and even all those years later, I still cry rewatching it, because the emotions were real. They're still real.

Plus it gave me Olivia Dunham, so really, it wins just for that.

#fringe #fringe meta #kinda 😂 #also called 'ambre is ranting at 13 year old plotlines that made no sense' #meta