#there was a point in my life where the thought of printing important documents made me physically ill | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noaltbruh · 3 years

Note

I hope this follows the rules! But is it okay if I request a scenario where Giorno has a nightmare of turning into Diavolo and S/O comforts him when he wakes up?

My first request in so long, what an honor!

You're surely a fan of this scenario, I've seen you requesting it quite a lot of times.

Either way, let's get into it!

Esci dalla mia testa

06/04/2004

Midnight had just struck, it had already been three years.

Three years since Giovanna had become the new Don of Passione, and since the former had been punished for his actions.

But in reality, time had lost meaning to the young boy years ago. Everything he did, it felt so...Mechanic, so frivolous, simply keeping track of the days in order not to forget an important reunion.

He buried himself under thousands of piles of work, which only seemed to grow bigger and bigger with every day that passed. This was supposed to be his dream, his greatest goal, and he had reached it at such a young age.

But then...Why did he feel so empty?

He was supposed to be happy, after all the sacrifices that had been made to arrive so far, he had to be grateful for everything that's been given to him.

But he couldn't be, because those sacrifices were not his own, because innocent lives had been taken away, because he had come.

He truly was no different than the man whom he had condemned to suffer for all eternity. But he had to clinch his teeth, and keep on going with his head high, for the few people that were still by his side. Most importantly, for his partner.

As everyone around him had found a significant other, pressured by his best friend, he had decided to reluctantly indulge in this so called 'romance'.

And when you two finally met, he felt like a tiny fickle of faith had risen inside of his heart again.

You listened to him, to his struggles, to his doubts, to each one of his complaints like the were the only worries in the world. He failed to express how much you meant to him, after those...'Accidents', he had become even more close-up about his feelings.

You were very well aware of his workaholic tendencies, as most nights, you were the one to ask him to put down all the documents and get some rest

And this...Was one of those.

As you rapidly fell into a deep sleep, exhausted from your own day, you felt a soft hand gently caressing your forehead. You were so warm and comforting, like a puppy, the only one able to give him hope in this twisted world.

But sadly, your presence could not magically make all his guilt and insecurities go away, and he had accepted that.

After contemplating your dreaming figure for a minute, he slowly closed his eyes, wishing to escape, just for a short while, from all those crushing responsibilities and expectations.

His consciousness started to slip away, he felt ready to conclude another day. Until, he heard whispering. Weak, confused, peculiar sounds, he could not understand a word of what those voices were trying to tell him, they were too far from the boy.

But they wouldn't stop. Delicate, constant and unbearable like the sound of a drip of water falling into a sink. They were playing with the Don's patience, a sleeping lion that should not disturbed, unless you wanted to be torn to pieces.

His mind immediately connected the situation to a possible Stand attack, nothing out of his normality, per se, but he was not concerned for himself. You were still peacefully resting, clinging to your sheets, it was a quite cold night. He wouldn't have let a single soul cause any harm to his darling, she was his only true happiness, his sunshine.

In the moment he stepped outside of the bedroom, what he was faced with sent a frozen shiver down his spine, as he brought his hand to his chest, to control his heartbeat.

There were four doors, floating in absolute darkness. A weak stream of light, that seemed to be originated from nothingness, illuminated each one of them singularly.

The whispering got louder and louder, faint giggles could occasionally be heard. The young one turned around to look at the entrance of this cursed place, the one he had just walked through.

But there was nothing there.

And so, like a captured prey that had nothing left to lose, he ventured himself into the first door, only to be met with a monochromatic version of Fugo. He was breathing heavily, desperately sobbing and all curled up on himself, on the shore of the same place where the rest of the gang had decided to betray Passione.

Giorno was standing on top of the water, unable to move a single inch of his body.

"Look at what you did"

A deep voice murmured in his ear. One he hadn't heard in a long time, one he wished he could have erased from his memories, that infected his mind and was more deadly than the sobbing boy's stand.

Diavolo.

"Me? Fugo chose not to leave, it was his own fault if-"

"If he was abandoned by everyone he loved? Do you have any idea of how selfish it sounds?"

The boy hesitated for a brief moment, staring at those warm tears falling into the canal.

"It was just...A temporary matter, he rejoined Passione, he's doing better now"

"My, it must have surely been fun to prove your loyalty to someone who caused the death of half of the people you cared about, after refusing to participate in his little suicide mission"

The blond's legs started to tremble, mantainig his composure was starting to look impossible.

"They...They didn't die because of me, they sacrificed themselves for a noble cause, for making Italy a better place, they wished it as much as I did"

The man contained his laughter, then he continued.

"Is that so? Why don't say that in their faces then?"

The image of the lonely boy disappeared, together with everything in the room. Giorno was back to that black space, but the door was now missing.

And the next one...Had nothing better reserved for him.

He found himself in the island of Sardegna, the only sound that could be heard were the small waves that met with the coast.

He knew perfectly why he was here. He took a closer look at the seaside, there were some footsteps printed on it. He felt a knot in his stomach at the thought of where they would have brought him.

Abbacchio's lifeless body was laying on top of a rock, surrounded by dead flowers. His entire torso had been torn apart, and yet... His corpse was smiling. A tiny, melancholic smile on his purple lips.

"Do you still have the courage to repeat what you said?"

Diavolo began, in a mocking tone.

"When he became part of the Organization, he was at his lowest, he had nowhere else to go, every path he took brought him nothing but sorrow and disappointment. The only thing that gave him comfort was following Bucciarati...And so, with that excuse, I transformed him in one of minions"

The thought of calling out Gold Experience hit Giorno's mind, but he knew that there was no point of lying to himself. The albino was gone, his soul had left his body long ago.

"I don't need you to tell me just how disgusting you are"

He said, his voice was filled with a suffocated rage, as he knelt over to look closer at his former companion.

"Abbacchio couldn't have cared less about killing me, he came with you because Bucciarati did, because he so desperately wanted to follow him, he felt like scum at the thought of no longer having him in his life"

The boy with emerald eyes felt an hand touching him on his shoulder, but there was no one there, except for himself.

"You exploited his dependence from the man, and used at your advantage, just as I did"

He stopped for a brief moment, enjoying the desperation in the other's eyes.

"But at least, he didn't die under my guidance

And with that, the second room disappeared as well. The boy contemplated whether to remain in that hellish void or to move forward, the image of what was waiting on the other side hurt way too much, his juvenile soul was starting to crush.

But he couldn't remain there, it would have meant giving up to Diavolo's twisted games, seeing him break down was exactly what he was waiting for.

He turned the doorknob, when he felt something humid staining his clothes: there was fresh blood streaming from his lady bug pins. The trail that it formed on the ground invited him to follow its path. He knew he couldn't decline, none of what he wanted seemed to matter in this place.

A metallic railing stood in front of him, his entire pins bled so much to the point of consuming themselves. An horrific scream coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time echoed through the room, as he directed his gaze to the top of the grey construction.

"What a shame...Oh well, he was the most disposable member of the team anyway"

Narancia's corpse was resting among dozens of spikes, his faded orange bandage slipped from his dark hair, landing right next to Giorno's feet.

"Oh Narancia...So young, so naive, just another victim of this unfair world. That's what you're thinking, isn't that right, Giovanna?"

"This is why people like him should not be involved in this business..."

"Mh? And why is that? Childish minds are the easiest to manipulate"

Ignoring his last statement, the other leaned down to pick up the bandage, but his hand went through it. His body was starting to feel dizzy, like it belonged to somebody else.

"Not answering won't make me go away, the damage has already been done, after all"

"Narancia should have NEVER joined Passione in the first place. He could have gone to school...Have a normal life, but-"

"But he died for your cause before he could. What he said before I activated King Crimson melted my heart a little, how cute...He really trusted you that much to the point of thinking that he would have come out of it alive"

The railing emanated a cracking sound. For a second, he was afraid it would have fallen off, causing him to get impaled as well.

"I took away his chance of living an happy, standard life when he decided to work for me, and you did the same, allowing him to come along with the rest of your team"

The small boy suddenly faded away, together with the rest.

"But at least, he didn't die under my guidance"

At last, there it was: only one room left. Despite how deeply he cared about each one of his former team members, the premonition of what would have come next was more painful than everything he's seen so far altogether.

He sat down, staring at the door from a distance, his eyes emptier than the ones of his old allies. They say that eyes are the window of the soul, and nothing else could have been used to describe his inner turmoil. Nothing but a faded, dull green, testimony of all his battle scars and the survivor guilt that he tried so much to repress.

Perhaps his eternal punishment had arrived: having the chance to confront his inner demons, to move on, to show how fearless he was.

...But never truly grasping the idea of freedom, never facing and accepting what really happened, he was never given the time to. So much had oppressed him all at once, he couldn't keep up with it.

He was a child, a child that had to grow too fast.

But then, someone came out of the door. A bittersweet figment of his imagination, that made his heart stop beating for a second.

The one he hadn't seen in years, the one he had tried to subdue the most, the one that showed him for the first time in his life what love was, stood in front of him. There was no hole in his chest, no sign of blood or wounds, a reassuring smile accompanied his face, as he held out his hand to the grieving kid.

"What are you doing all alone in here? The others are worried for you. Let's not make them wait any longer, shall we?"

Giorno ignored his help, his gaze was stuck on that endless floor. He didn't have the courage to look at the other, his presence alone felt like a sadistic joke.

He didn't look sad, depressed, miserable... He was just...Tired.

He wanted to cry those tears that he had denied in the last three years, he wanted to yell at that illusion to leave him alone, that wasn't the real Bruno, it couldn't be.

But, as he impeded any of this from coming out, something he didn't think he would have felt in a thousand of years struck him.

Bucciarati hugged him.

A tight, comforting hug like one of a mother, that he was waiting for his child to reciprocate. The latter's breathing became heavier and heavier with every moment that passed, as weak laments rapidly turned into audible sobs.

"There's no reason to be sad now, I'm real, you can feel it, can't you?"

"Y-You...You're here...But h-how is it p-possible?"

The brunette chuckled, the sound of his laughter was more comforting than an angel's voice.

"It isn't"

Giovanna's stand penetrated the man's torso, but its arm...It was not Gold Experience's. It had a checkered red and white pattern that extended in its entirety, and it possessed an amount of physical strength which was out of any possible expectations for the creature able to give life.

"Foolish child, I thought you were better than this, I'd lie if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed"

The sound of Bruno's corpse falling to the ground resonated through that empty space, as the last door vanished. A puddle of blood originated from his horrible injury, it was big enough for the boy to see his reflection in.

"You are no better than me under any point of view. We took advantage of his kindness, we used him as a simple pawn for our own gain. The only difference between us, is that I was not manipulating enough to convince him to join my side voluntarily. He was a tool to the both of us, but you were the one who caused his demise"

The mirror that had been created showed two people, but the transparent figure of Diavolo immediately ceased to be visible. The only one left was Giorno, though his reflection seemed to mutate with every second that passed.

His blond curls started to change shape, turning into a fuchsia mess, with dirty green stains on it. His eyes had a killer, maniacal look inside of them, his pupils got smaller in horror. His entire body structure was different. He looked older, more muscular, his clothes, too, were no longer his own.

"Mista loved him, and you killed him"

"Fugo loved him, and you killed him"

"Trish loved him, and you killed him"

"Narancia loved him, and you killed him"

"Abbacchio loved him, and you killed him"

"You loved him, and you killed him"

...

"Giorno? Giorno please, wake up!"

You screamed, your sleep was interrupted by the sound of your boyfriend hyperventilating, as he desperately held you to himself, still trapped in that horrible dream.

You sighed in relief when he abruptly opened his eyes, so swollen and red from all the tears he's shed.

"Another nightmare, uh?"

You asked, gently caressing his back to try and calm him down, he was as vulnerable as a baby that runs to his parents after having a bad dream. Waking up in the middle of the night to comfort him is something you had grown accustomed to, but you had never seen him this shaken up.

He slightly nodded in response, grabbing the top of your pajamas. You put an hand behind his head, making him rest on your chest, and kissed him softly on his forehead.

You could hear him murmuring something, you couldn't tell wherever he was talking to you, or to himself.

"I-I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm s-so sorry..."

He repeated like a broken record, you could barely make out what he was trying to say.

"Tesoro, you've done nothing wrong, there's no one you owe your apologizes to"

The boy raised his head slightly, intertwining your fingers with his, he needed to feel sure that this was not another tremendous trick of his mind.

"See? I'm here, you don't have to be afraid. I know that you feel unworthy of my feelings, but there is no one out there that deserves love more than you do. Nobody is perfect, Giorno, you did everything that was in your power to help them"

"But I...I was the one w-who put them in danger in the first place"

"No, you were not. You all shared the same ideals, you saved them from the oppression they were put in"

As you swept those remaining drops away from his face, you could still feel his entire body shaking like a dried leaf in a windy day of autumn.

"N-None of this would have happened if I didn't come along..."

"Exactly, none of them would have known what it meant to be free. I...Understand that the sacrifices that were made are not easy to forget, but blaming yourself like this...Do you really think that's what they would have wanted?"

Not receiving an answer, you laid down once again, still holding him in your arms. You forced a tiny smile, kissing him delicately on his lips, and whispered in his ear that everything would have been okay.

But, in reality...You felt you were trying to reassure yourself as well. This was not something you could have solely resolved through staying by his side, healing from this would have taken a lot of time, but...At least, you could offer some temporary safety, and it seemed to be enough for the time being.

In fact, after some minutes, everything seemed to cease. The boy fell asleep once again, this time with the knowledge that you were there to protect him.

You sighed, praying for your darling to finally find some peace.

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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years

Text

New Beginnings Chapter Two

Masterlist Summary: You move on into your new role, but little did you know that accepting the new job would be so life changing. Warnings: Implied Smut, Swearing, Fluff, Angst??, Tony Bashing, Avenger Bashing, Clark is a cheeky little shit, A/N: So here it the second part to my three part Marvel Dc crossover and Clark is in this part I hope you like it xxx Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters @magdelen69 @iloveyouyen @sofiebstar @thefangirlsblog @harrysthiccthighss @loserrlauraa @cheeseman @isitmine @tinabean37

Bruce watched his phone carefully as the 'plane' glided through the air coming to a hover a good few hundred feet above the Newyork tarmac. Tony was pissed it was clear from the way he had contacted his lawyers...The very same lawyers that actually worked for a firm Bruce owned. Victor was scanning the calls and emails updating him on the situation as it unfolded. He scoffed so you had mentioned his child and other mistress? Well good on you! The man needed a kick up the ass. Tony was grasping at straws trying to get back at you, or get you back but that wasn't going to happen. You were theirs now. He leaned back a smile on his face he twisted his chair hands behind his head as he saw a late notification. A charge on his card of thirty five dollars in the restaurant he had sent you for dinner this evening. It was a treat but also a way to see if you'd back out at the last minuet. He gave a self satisfied smirk. You'd not only had the courage to leave the situation you were trapped in with out a clue as to what you were going to be doing, but you'd got a little payback aswell, it was more then he could have hoped for. "So our new member is on her way, her bags have just got to the strip and are being watched by Clark, he said she's just making her way past security now she should be there in a few moments" Alfred said sitting down as the aircraft stilled hanging high in the air over the private airstrip the low humming of the engines holding itself steady. "Good, everything is ready at the tower for her isn't it?" Bruce asked in a low voice watching out for the lights of the small cart thats would bring you out to the landing spot. Clark’s voice broke threw the com built in system halting what ever Alfred was going to say. "She's on her way, I'm off see you when you get back" Bruce gave a thanks over the radio but it was to late the kryptonian was out of range. He sighed heavy taking his finger off the button. Alfred smirked giving a small chuckle. "Irritating isn't it Bruce~" he offered up casually at the exasperated look on the mans face. "But as I was going to say yes everything is ready and clean, I even filled the fridge~" Alfred gloated making Bruce’s scoff shaking his head. "How kind of you to feed her, your generosity knows no bounds...Look here she comes now best start our descent." Alfred left to the front of the craft and started the slow vertical drop to the tarmac.

You sat in the cart, the driver didn't say much just that you'd be picked up my Mr Wayne out here, he was to drop you off and leave. You clutched your bag with shaky fingers, sweaty palms trying to cling to the faux leather. You were nervous, super nervous this was it your new start, the big leap of faith. Faith in a man you didn't know at all. You were worried this was a mistake deliberated all throughout your meal, but it was to late now. Its was trust Mr Wayne of become homeless and jobless. You'll admit it was nice to be rushed through the airport, recognised and pulled from the line at first you thought you'd done something wrong. You quickly crushed that thought when you were sped to the front and down a side hall to a small private check in...Well there wasn't much checking in more a quick check of your Id then carted straight onto the back of this small golf cart type vehicle and sped down the run way. Which was a little scary as your driver weaved in and around these huge air crafts. But after all the excitement you were unceremoniously dumped here in a far quiet corner of the air field you twiddled your fingers a little trying to calm your self down as the cart raced back down towards the terminal. It was quiet for a few moments then there was a low humm, an echoing rumble that was both eerie and awe inspiring. Then suddenly out of no where there was a large gust of warm air from above sending your hair twisting about in the air wildly. You could just see a huge black aircraft coming in to view shimmering with an opalescent sheen flickering with what you assumed was some type of cloaking barrier. You gasped watching at the wings folded upwards onto itself. It was a magnificent sight to behold, instantly all regret was washed away as you took a few steps to the side trying to take in as much of the craft as you could view. The huge craft as it twisted around directing the back almost cargo like door opening as it lowered. You were completely awe struck seeing Bruce standing holding the top of the door as it descended the last few feet and finally landed. "Y/n I'm so glad you choose to joins us!" He said walking down the ramp but you couldn't speak your eyes were glued to the matte black marvel of engineering in front of you. Bruce stood beside you looking up at it. "Shes a beaut isn't she?" He said with a chuckle. You pointed to it and faced him.

"The wings? They folded? Like how did you- surly thats not- I mean how do you maintain structural integrity when shes flying? I doubt she's slow? And what type of cloaking was that? Did it cloak the sound to? Like I didn't even hear it!" You asked the questions in quick succession excited as you tiptoed trying to drink in a much of her as you could. Bruce smiled and grabbed two of your suitcases making his way to the craft. "The cloaking? It's Atlantean" he called over his shoulder you all but squealed. "I KNEW IT!!" You jumped for joy quickly snatching your other suit cases running into the craft overwhelming Bruce with questions your curiosity had been triggered and you were now shaking with excitement at the prospect of being able to play with tech no one had ever seen before-well on the surface that it. Once inside Bruce managed to wrangling you into a seat the upper deck. You couldn't sit still far to interested in the spacious air carrier? Plane? What did you call this!? "Bertha" Bruce offered as he shuffled through some documents on the table counting page numbers of what you assumed was your contract. You frowned and went to ask but he seemed to be concentrating so decided not to ask. Alfred came out from a small automatic door with a tray carrying three cups of coffee. He was going to stay for the festivities. You thanked him as he place a small cup and sugar bowl next to you. "What Bruce meant was we call this old girl Bertha, its nice to see you again y/n" he added sipping his own drink. Suddenly Bertha's deep echoing thwums became a low hum and there was a tiny pull and it was then almost silent. "Holy shit it does!? The cloaking reduces sound even in here!?" Bruce tipped his head up and grinned nodding to you making you giddy, you knew you were right! Outside you couldn't hear a thing! He moved the stack of papers over to your side of the table between you. You gazed down seeing the familiar disclosure's and a lengthy contract below it. You swallowed time to sign your life away. "Id like for you to read through these..Most is about confidentiality...I can't stress enough that Its the most important thing in this project. It could cost us all everything it'd be catastrophic if anything was ever leaked...You'll understand more when you meet the team but...I need to trust that you will adhere to it before getting to that" you frowned as he explained this to you it was...Frightening the seriousness of his tone the look in his eyes as if lives were on the line. You nodded to him and sat back readying yourself for a long read. Bruce smiled patting your arm as he got up leaving you to look over the thorough contracts in peace. It was a good hour and a half you'd finally finished. The contract was lengthy but relatively simple...And required finger prints?...Apparently the lab you'd be working in that was constantly referred to as 'the tower' would keep records of your bio metric data for security in the form of eye scans and hand and finger prints and blood samples?. You have to disclose all history including medical and criminal. That made you pause for concern you did have a conviction for causing a social disturbance...And assault. Beating the shit out of a creep trying to force a young neighbors kid intl selling drug for him. Yeah you could probably explain that one. Apart from that it was fairly the same as anything you sighed for the Avengers. You'd get room and board for free but this time it was a 'luxurious apartment' that you were allowed to redecorate as you saw fit. Your pay was just over five hundred dollars a week which was 'non negotiable' you'd be expected to work thirty five hours a week and be on call for emergencies at any given time and always have your coms on-there was a coms system in the building so you wouldn't have to have an ear piece all the time. You'd get full access to any resources and labs and work shops and be able to pursue any projects that may be beneficial to the team. Which in all honesty sounded like a dream.And all they asked in return was that they have the only sole rights to use anything you create. But you would hold the patents. Apart from that there was seven different discretion declaration's. Each saying the same thing in a different wording making it abundantly clear that you will not ever talk about what happens in the tower to anyone. Or mention your colleagues or anyone seen within the tower itself. You had scribbled down a few questions to ask Bruce but apart from that it all seemed pretty solid. And you got some super expensive private health and dental!

"You done?" You jumped looking up at Bruce and smiled nodding as he placed a fresh coffee beside you. "I err yes its all done ..A few things though I wanted to ask before signing..If that was okay?" He smiled nodding and sat down. "I'd be more worried if you didn't have questions. Fire away" he said seemingly more then happy to ease your worries. You cleared your throat and looked to your list. "Well I err have a mark on my record...Criminal, I was charged with battery and had a fine...A drug dealer trying to get my neighbors kid to sell for him threatening him so I...Yeah he was hurt pretty bad and I got arrested..He charged me went to court and he got put away for dropping himself in it and I got a slap on the wrist." Bruce smiled they already knew that but it was a good show of character you admitting to it straight away. He nodded smiling. "Not a problem, we already know but thank you for being honest anything else?" He asked polity you looked down nodding swallowing relieved that your past wasn't really going to effect your job offer. "Err the erm this bit here... Being able to research my own projects as long as it can be useful? I just...That is vague I don't want to sign if I end up being pushed into something I'm not comfortable with...Again." he nodded he couldn't blame you for being careful especially after that shit show you were in before. He sighed leaning back arms crossed. "Our team is...An elite league of individuals who... Protect innocents... We don't want to use lethal weapons, in fact we have a very strict no tolerance policy, no guns or the like. Not a single life should be lost if we can help it. But we still need equipment thats where you come in. Sometimes create completely new gear or prefect old gear. You can work on weapons, barriers, Armour, maneuver gear anything you want...Tracking devices the lot...All we ask is its not designed to take a life and that we are the only ones with access to it....And occasionally name it because...Well we all have our quirks" you chuckled feeling much more relaxed and crossed off the question...He'd answered a few there in his explanation. You looked down at the list. That was it apart from... "I get to have a pet, I get lonely" Bruce chuckled and nodded "Fine a pet but a small one, that can live in a cage or terrarium... And you stop calling me Mr Wayne, call me Bruce" you giggled at his terms "...Fine Bruce...What about a house rabbit?" He laughed out of the side of his mouth and held ot a hand for you to shake. "House rabbit? I'll have it added to the contract. Deal!" You smiled giggling and shook his hand. Within moments you he signed all the papers which Bruce locked into a smart silver briefcase. And called Alfred to bring her in. You frowned at him weren't you still flying. "We've be hovering above the tower just inside the atmosphere all this time, give us a few moments and we will be landing...Oh and let me be the first to welcome you to the Justice league" you froze the fucking what what?....What?! Your face must have been a sight as he laughed out loud. "What?! Wait what- you but who?-are you?...Gotham... Shut up your not the bat!?" You stuttered as he smirked sipping his drink then shrugged throwing his hands out. "You caught me, you'll be privvy to all our identities so I had to be sure but...I think springing it on you at the tower would be a little mean" he added you blinked fast trying to catch up with your thoughts that raced a mile a minuet. You swallowed holy shit your going to be...With them? Access to the bats arsenal? Atlantean tech? kryptonian tech? Fuck you were giddy just thinking about it you tried to wipe the grin off your face but it wasn't happening all the new tech and discovery's the tinkering and playing about you could do?! It made your heart nearly burst! It was then that Bertha made the load hum once again and rocked as the suspension rocked lightly. "Want to go meet the team?" He asked standing up you took a breath following like an over excited puppy. He moved through to the back as the ramp lowered you each collected two cases and exited. You were in a huge cavernous room on polished concrete and aray of matte black vehicle's each angular in the typical 'bat man' finish looking all cool and displayed. "Nice garage~ I thought Tony's was impressive-" you said trying to fill the silence but regretted it as his name filled your chest with what felt like lead weights. Bruce eyed you slowing to walk beside you. "Tony's not worth it, despite everything he is still a selfish narcissist..You never know he may be coming to you for help one day~" he said trying to cheer you up it worked sort of, it had only been a week but the wound was still raw open...But not was raw as it should have been? I mean on the scale of things you were fuck buddies never went out, or to his place or anything..You were nothing more then a quiet fling. You came to a set of double doors that opened as you approached. Slipping through you were all smiles, it wasn’t as...Showy as Stark tower. Clean modern, contemporary with polished natural looking stone walls with little flecks of almost gem like facets that caught the light just right. It was large and overall modest...No large gaudy art pieces or blown up photos of the league. You soon can to a stop at an elevator Bruce place his hand letting it take his print and it opened he motioned you to enter. "We can go drop off your cases and put your prints into the system then you can meet everyone, They are all hanging around to meet you..Been waiting a long time" he announced snapping you out of your revere. You nodded dumbly letting him push a button, it was only when it began moving that you realized the back wall was glass overlooking the floors as you glided higher. On the way up you saw a gym and pool...Labs then a common room floor large and open...Everything seemed calm here.

Within moments Bruce had whisked you away gliding down a short hall that had one door which seemed strange you frowned as the 'glass' panel beside the door looked like oil? A multicolour rainbow shimmering in the light with its movements..It was on closer inspection to saw it wasn't moving like waster but...Sand?super fine sand like the type or 'magic dry sand' children play with in waster. It was black and reached out in tiny inch long spindles. Making you cringe it did not look pleasant. "This is err your floor, this pad here is the lock is...It's safe I promise uses hand print scanning sort of...It will give a small finger prick to register your dna...Its like a two step verification, if for what ever reason your hand and finger prints don't work it'll let you in by repeating the finger prick" you eyed him cautiously...That thing was going to do a blood test? You moved your hand slowly to the door panel fingers trembling and twitching but froze just out of the tendrils reach. Bruce put a hand on you reassuringly. "Its safe I promise once its taken it it wont need to again well its been a few years and none of us have had to verify again, the kryptonian's were pretty clever...And after your prints are in your in everywhere..You'll have unrestricted access so its just a one off" he explained further. Your face lit up kryptonian? Alien security inside the fabric of the building? My god you were going to love it here. You sucked in a breath planting you hand tentatively on the pad and hissed jumping as the sandlike material molded to your hand growing warm then a tiny pinprick on your index finger drawing a few drops of blood. The process took seconds and your hand was released with a slow swirl and once again the door opened showing a huge open plan apartment one whole length of it glass letting in natural light like on of those ridiculous ultra modern show homes. It took your breath away as you wheeled in your cases behind Bruce. "Now I know what your thinking but they are mirrored the other side and no one can see in...Well maybe Clark but he is to much of a gentleman to be a peeping tom~" he finished with a chuckle and turned around to face you as you made small steps into the place. You were in love, this beats the basic room with a view you did have.This could be home.you pulled yourself out of your snooping locking onto what Bruce said. "Clark?" Bruce smiled letting go of your suitcases leaving them in the open area by the kitchen and modern wood beam partition that cornered off the living room. "Supes, you'll get to call up by our given names...Any way lets get going the sooner they meet you the sooner they will stop whining in my ear...Giving me a fucking head ache-yeah alright we're coming! Jesus" you giggled and followed him out again into the elevator.

You quickly soared up into a huge room split in two halves, one a huge round table with enough seats for everyone then a tinted glass wall with the tell tale illuminations of monitors that would put nasa's ground control to shame. "This is our office? Slash mission room...I suppose you could call it? We never really get the time to sit here and discuss missions most of the time there isn't time but at least we get to use it now as a meet and greet" you tried keeping calm, you'd done this before-it was just like the Avengers don't worry they are people...Except for the alien amazonian Atlantean and a...Cyborg...yeah this was a little strange. "Everyone meet y/n new member of the team!" The was a small cheer which made you chuckle and wave nervously. They each wore their appointed suit's. You got a little starstruck to be honest this was The Justice League...A band of superheros who each shared your ideals. You swallowed dryly as wonder woman came over shaking your hand. "I'm Diana- that’s Arthur, Barry ,Victor, Clark and Barbra..It's nice to finally have you here" you shook her hand smiling.

"Finally, you make it sound like you were waiting" you huffed a laugh trying to break t through your nerves with humor.

"We were...We wanted you two years ago but...well Stark got there first but we were always going to snatch you away it was just a case of when" she replied with a kind smile nothing false or off. You smiled nodding to her "Well I assure you if I'd had known two year's ago I'd have been here instead trust me" you said as she moved of to the side letting the others come and greet you. "Yeah well you were caught by that dick wad- good call getting out" you chuckled at Arthur's frankness and moved again Barry shaking your hand "I err yeah it was a shit show there but I'm over it" you said to them all trying not to exclude anyone and be rude. Before you knew it you was eye to...Chest with Clark...Wow okay fuck how is he more intimidating then Thor? He grinned at you a charming smile. "Well we are just glad you saw sense and finally found your way home to us. We have waited a long while to have you here talent Iike yours shouldn't be disregarded you can help us save a lot of lives" you swallowed trying not to notice he was impeccably handsome he was but...That was near impossible. Oh fuck. "Ah no pressure then...Thanks for that big guy" you said sarcastically trying to battle your nerves with humor which didn't help as he laughed smiling showing off his once thought handsome now perfect features. Shit. Double shit. The last thing you needed was a fucking crush. "Don’t worry we will get you up to speed on our...Foreign technologies then you'll be off doing your own thing in no time, we wont working you into the ground" you shivered at your take on being 'worked into the ground' but smiled covering any indication you were slowly creating sordid fantasies about the man in blue...And not the cap- thank fuck though that did you a favor any rising libido gone in an instant. Whew that could of got sticky. "I'd appreciate it your...Security system all but shook me like how the hell does that even do that..." he laughed out loud twisting to the final pair you'd yet to meet then back to you shrugging a pink tint to his cheeks...Well that was new, super-buff-superhero shy. It was refreshing. "You know I'm not sure, I just find it and bring it back Bruce, Victor and Barbra do all the engineering and tech work..I do the heavy lifting" he said chuckling away rubbing the back of his neck a little embarrassed that despite it being tech from his home planet he didn't have a clue. "Yes Clark is pretty handy to have around in the labs, makes things go much smoother when he can lift things so you can fit...Our very own walking talking car jack..I'm Barbra you'll be with me and Victor most of the time we are the appointed geeks" you shook hands with a blonde woman in a wheelchair that must have been up at the screens and Victor the half Cyborg? You nodded polity. "So I'm going to be learning the ropes with you guys?" They nodded casually grinning probably happy to have someone else to 'speak geek' with, you can appreciate that. "We will teach you a thing or two..But I have no doubt you'll be ahead of us in no time I've read all your research, I was impressed. Tried to build on some when we thought we'd lost you for good but didn't get anywhere...Whats your take on the electromagnetic film shield? Did you drop it or?" Victor asked and you perked up. "Oh no I haven't dropped it..I got a little stuck on how to increase the human electrical impulses to control it without effecting the sinus node or nervous. I need a link..A pathway that can be activated at will, Its what I hoped to find at Stark tower similar to To-Mr Stark’s arch reactor?... But he said it was a pipe dream so never got that far" Victor lit up that was a viable option and tipped his head. "So implants? What sort of thing?" He asked looking genuinely interested. You sucked through your teeth and hummed. "Yeeesss...Sort of was leaning more maybe something less permanent..Something based on taser pins? you know tiny barbs that can be removed at will" you elaborated Barbra gasped face lighting up.

"OH GOD! I never thought of anything like that...That would be more convenient, you could use the own bodies impulses like a power source...A human battery!" She exclaimed the new theory excited her and the three of you suddenly found yourself exchanging ideas between you forgetting the others standing off to the side watching. "Well they seem to have....Clicked look at them go!" Barry said watching at the three of you started bouncing ideas of of one another already any nerves or tension dissipated as you Victor and Barbra began geeking out. It was clear that this was the start of an incredible collaboration.

You'd been here just over eight months and was finally happy. It was incredible how much things could change in a short space of time, life was now the best it had ever been. Your spot in the team was secure and you'd made strong friendships with everyone...You were a family, sister to the league and a mother figure to the youngsters. Always fretting over them and helping them out when need be, normally you were helping the peanut gallery; which consists of konner, Jon, Damien and Tim..Occasionally Jason if the mood strikes him avoid the wrath’s of their fathers. You even got a fucking chart going a community service type deal they fuck around then they are in the lab helping you for a few days. Girl talk with Diana was fun if not a little daunting at first but you soon relaxed with her, despite her tendency to want to kick ass for you. Arthur and Bruce were like protective older brothers checking in all the time making sure you were taking care of yourself which was sweet. Barry was that kid who you constantly had to feed and was always up for trying new recipes, you were trying to come up with healthier alternatives to his junk food... And you'd made him frozen meals each week to take home, he collected them every Tuesday. You, Victor and Barbra were three peas in a pod you were always chatting with one another during your work and pushing boundaries together each day exploring creating throwing theories around enjoying finally being understood.

Then there was Clark. You'd been dating for five months and even though it was quiet at first it wasn't because he didn't want to be seen it was more...Only Jason had caught you making out and the little twerp had kept his mouth shut. Good job as well that had been your first kiss with the man. You and Clark had been stealing kisses and sneaking quiet dates since. It had been slow going your first assumption of him being shy was true, he was shy...At first then he became quite the little flirt. It had started after about two weeks of being here? He spent a lot of time around you getting to know you. Helping you when he could the rest of the time happy to sit around the lab passing you things making small talk. Then from there it was hanging around the common room, having coffee then he showed you around Metropolis and stuff just generally hanging out getting along. You'd offhandedly mentioned you wanted to try the gym out and get fitter but didn't have a clue how anything worked. Clark had seen the chance and grabbed it with both hands, he offered to train you. He was a slave driver in the gym not letting you quit when your arms were about to far off but the work was paying off, you were becoming toner, not buff or bulky but you felt better in yourself healthier, happier. You'd noticed that you felt different? With Tony everything had been forced? He'd never ever forced you but the feelings had been forced lathered on thick, heavy and unrelenting. You were shocked that you'd managed to move on so easily, things with Clark flowed it was smooth and relaxed nothing rushed you took pleasure in just being around one another which was a nice change of pace. You'd had your first kiss in the gym just over a month into your stay. It was sweet and then heated no pressure or desperation...But he was eager in a gentle way, romantic even though it was hot. You'd never felt it before. Tony had been your first regrettably and he was always so pushy? Not really the word he just wanted to get his fix and leave. It was a rush quick array of sucks nips then he quickly rutted into you and left with out so much as a thank you pulling his zipper up on the way out. He wasn't affectionate with you, he never took his time with you or spent much time with you it was always so callous and sarcastic you now realize it's because you were the butt of a sick joke. But Clark he was just there happy as can be kissing you. Sure he squeezed your ass but its not like you minded. The first kiss had been a surprise, you were on one of the rock walls climbing more for fun then anything he was lifting weights when he heard a whizz of unwinding rope, your harness came loose you barley fell a few feet and he'd caught you. You were in his arms before you even heard his weights slam onto the floor. It had been an overwhelming moment, until then you'd never really seen him in action he didn't take his powers lightly you'd only seen him in flight twice. The first time you'd screamed bloody murder at him for making you jump as he made the loud echoing boom as he entered the atmosphere from above you...You swear it was like a fucking bomb going off being so high up on your balcony you'd felt it in your bones.

But this time there was no sound to his movement he was just suddenly there with you in his arms catching you before anything could happen. Well his arms was a relative term, he had in his panic curled under you making you land awkwardly slumped over his chest front first one leg between his the other over his hip, chin and torso sprawled out over his chest. He moved tipping his head down panting lightly. He pulled and arm around your waist holding you securely then froze staring you in the eye. Time stopped for a few breaths as you both saw the opening, the opportunity to take things further. Surprisingly Clark took it tipping his head one hand coming to the back of yours and he pulled gently bringing your lips to his in a sweet kiss. You melted whining softly letting him moved his lips against yours in delicate movements. He pulled back and grinned cheeks tinting pink. "You should be more careful, you could get hurt" you smiled flushing his tone was something you hadn't heard from the man before. It had a dark rasp under his usual smooth voice, a growl full of hidden promise and his eyes blown wide black devouring the blue and half lidded giving the perfect man the most beautifully delicious expression. You smiled and moved forward whispering across his lips. "I doubt you'd let that happen~" you smiled and moved again pressing your own kiss to him moving your hands to smooth down his chin the light stubble grazing your fingers. He hummed moving his hands down completely forgetting you were a good thirty feet up in the air cupping your bottom pulling you across him further making your other leg rise over his other hip effectively straddling him. He pulled tighter digging his fingertips into the cheek of your ass making you gasp as he pulled them apart slightly. You pulled away panting down at him. It was then you heard footsteps and a loud curse you snapped your gaze down seeing Jason. "Are you kidding? This isn't fair! How the fuck am I meant to compete with that!? Dad I could of beat but thats a joke bitch I'm out you win uncle Clark" he said making a stretching his arms out wide in a defeated motion. Clark laughed out loud as Jason turned tail an left with a quick 'clean up after~' you flushed and blinked at the hunk of male you were straddling. "What was that about?" You asked not really following he rose a brow at you incredulously. "You mean you haven't noticed the boy flirting with you?" You blinked at him again and shook your head. "Well yeah but he's a kid...Thought it was cute-like in a younger siblings best friend kind of way...He was serious?" You asked him eyeing the door where Jason had left in a huff. "Yes and he just bowed out gracefully looks like I've won my prize~" Clark chuckled and tipped your head back to face him a smug smile to go with hos self assured words. You gave him your own smirk wriggling your brows and moved closer to him lips a breath away from his. "Oh really Mr Kent" you kept your voice light and teasing letting your bottom lip just graze his as you spoke. Clark hummed low the sound reverberating in his chest like a purr of a big cat you felt it in your bones. "Well your straddling my cock so I'd like to think so~" he quipped innocently hands squeezing your ass as if to make a point for a second you stuttered unsure if you heard him correctly did the super cute cheeky farm boy just say cock? you looked down and noticed he was right and panicked. "Oh god sorry!" You cried flushing when you noticed you were in fact pressed tightly to his groin, body weight centered over his cock. Quickly you failed about moving only for his hands to come up supporting your hips holding you steady with a chuckle you were so flustered you'd forgotten where you were. "No no please don't apologize I'm quite comfortable like this, can think of no better place to have you~...You best hold on tighter though you might fall~" you gaped at him this had been the first time that the sweet, polite considerate gentleman had sounded like a horny hot blooded male. And you fucking loved it! You peeked over the side of the huge chest and saw you were still quite a way's up he hadn't lowered an inch staying perfectly still. You latched onto him for dear life legs locking around his waist digging your feet into the cheek's of his perfect ass. Arms hugging his neck once secure he placed one hand across your rear the other at you back and finally moved to hover upright. the tilt made you cringe you wasn't really one for heights, you could somewhat ignore it when you were climbing with the harness but that was about it you never really strayed to far out on your balcony either sticking close to the windows and door in case it decided to fail and crack away from under your feet. "Oh my god get me down! Please please Clark I'll do anything!" You panicked suddenly feeling queasy as he moved, being upright instead of sitting on him was a very different experience and you really wanted to be set down now. You missed the quick dark playful smile on his face as your words registered. "Anything? Then you wont refuse dinner with me tonight?" He asked quickly not missing a beat. You eyed him gasping at the cheeky grin and clung tighter as he made to move his hands away from you with a chuckle finding this amusing. "No no don't do that-Hold me dammit!!- wait and are You serious?! Now! Your asking me out now?" You panicked stuttering wondering where this new devious Clark had come from but you didn't have long to wonder as he tipped his head eyeing you mischievously biting his bottom lip trying to fight of some more chuckles. He couldn't help it you were just so cute trying to be angry when all flustered and panicked and he'd admit he really liked you clinging to him tightly. "Well no time like the present~" he added making you squint at him but smile shaking you head you couldn't help find him cute when he was like this. Like a naughty little boy all tricks and charm. He dropped a few feet with you then stopped again making you squeal and hold him tighter if possible your face now level with his at how close you held him around his neck. You looked down then back to his eyes nodding enthusiastically before crying out your answer heart ready to burst. "I FUCK !! NO I-Fucking hold me Clark!! YES- Dinner- yes yes I'll go to dinner with you just please get me down!" Your voice was high and you squeezed your eyes shut face scrunching up as you tried to hold on to the man for dear life. He huffed a laugh as you squirmed uncomfortably. "Seal it with a kiss?" You growled at him ready to yell at him for being an ass but was cut off by another kiss. He dipped his head this time devouring your mouth with merciless accuracy. He was making war with your tongue before you even realized you'd opened your mouth. You moan as he tilted down further trying to steal your breath, tracing the inside of your mouth with ease unhurried in his exploration as though he was drawing a map you grunted letting him so as he pleased falling under his intoxicating spell the man had a way with you it seemed. In a few quick movement's you were sure he could be your undoing. The kiss was more than anything you'd felt, a deeper connection then just tongues and teeth like you both just knew one another without trying tilting and suckling in a sweet yet eager embrace. You parted and blinked at him his cheeky grin greeting you eyes sparkling with glee. "There safe and sound and you thought I'd drop you~" he announced teasing you lightly it was then you realized he was standing firmly on the ground you squeaked and unhooked your legs placing your feet between his. But he didn't release your ass instead squeezing it for a few breaths then exhaled stepping away from you with a light pat on your rump making you flush. "Well I'm going to go have a shower and get ready for our date, I'll pick you up at six" he turned walking to the exit making you stutter a few words then finally you found your voice. "And I'd have gone to dinner with you anyway!! You didn't need to you know!" You yelled out to his back he laughed loud calling out 'I know' over his shoulder making you grumble. Clark was a lovable ass.? With a lovely ass. You noted watching the pert cheeks tense as he moved turning around the door frame. "I can see you staring!" he called from the hall making you blush and clench your fists turning around running to the door poking your head around it before shouting down the hall behind him. "Well you got to fucking squeeze mine so we're even!!" he laughed a loud belly laugh as he opened the door to the men's changing rooms shaking his head at you as he entered.

Since then it had been a dream Clark was everything you wanted in a boyfriend and then some. Dates were well planned and could range from cliché and romantic to adventurous and sexy and anything in-between. The relationship wasn't a secret for long perhaps five weeks maybe six? either way the League had soon found out when he'd out of the blue spun your chair round to face him stealing a deep embarrassingly hot kiss in front of them when you parted asking what that was for he just smirked and shrugged stating he just 'wanted to taste his woman' and left telling you to 'finish up soon' leaving you to stutter out an explanation to a very amused team that you were a couple. Bruce; who you suspected had known for a few weeks before, had been really amused noting that you should 'hurry up before he came back down for seconds' and to you embarrassment you did hurry up and scurry back to your apartment where he was already naked in the bedroom placing a juice bottle next your side of the bed knowing you always needed a little break to re hydrate as he demolished you mind body and soul~. As it turns out Clark had told Konner and Jon before hand and they both wasn't bothered at first trying to act all cool. It wasn't until a few weeks ago they had become excited at the prospect of maybe having their very own Ma. Well excited in a teenage sense of trying not to show they cared but in fact both just wanted you to snatch them up and give the two touch starved boy much needed affection and snuggles which you did on mothers day getting you mothers day present a little silver locket with photos of them which you wore every single day. They were so terrified about it they hadn't asked if you even wanted them you remember their faces deliberating as they handed you the box mumbling uncertain 'happy mothers day' looking at all the cards and chocolates their cousins had given you. The gift was the most precious thing and you couldn't help but cry as you hugged them kissing them both. There was anxiety and tears all around but in the end you all got the out come you wanted, whilst all the youngsters were 'yours' by default konner and Jon were your special boys, they were your sons. Your relationship was incredible your job was a dream and you had a family if that wasn't enough? there was your aforementioned sex life...Sex? My god! It was out of this world, the best sex you'd ever had Tony was said to be one of the best lays but he didn't have shit on Clark! Clark's strength and stamina meant he would always last he had once fucked you for six hour's straight....That's not a few rounds that was one! One fucking round and you'd passed out only to be woken by a mind numbing orgasm that left you a babbling incoherent puddle of wanton female desperation. All because you'd teased him about how long he could really last. Your answer days that mans cock could keep cumming for days and still not be satisfied. Safe to say you never questioned his stamina again. You were at it like rabbits you'd been caught 'with your pants down' by everyone...Everyone. But you didn't care you didn't get a chance to Clark to your was a very goal orientated lover, his goal was to leave you a complete bumbling sticky exhausted mess. He enjoyed watching you fall apart over and over until you couldn't speak let alone move. His favorite was when you tiptoed about the next day, slow steps, bow legged and sitting on cushions letting everyone see that he had all but destroyed you the previous night aftercare helped but you were pretty much fucking a god there were consequences that a good bubble bath couldn't fix. And once you were fully seated on him there was nothing that could deter him, not even konner waltzing into your apartment to steal your snacks. Clark just kept at it as your son passed the sofa you were being rawed on to get to our snack cupboard, the teen didn't even bat an eyelash!! As embarrassed as you was you couldn't deny finding Clark's complete disregard for modesty once inside you was fucking hot. Like he was in a trance so focused on fucking you into your next orgasm he didn't bother worrying about anything else. And even when you wasn't being ploughed by the man things were still great! He was sweet funny kind and you showered one another with affection something you'd never known you'd missed out on. Things were great and the others didn't seem to have any issues with it sure they poked fun sometimes as you acted like a couple of teenagers but thats to be expected. All in all life was fucking brilliant here and you couldn't wish for anything better.

You moved about the lab tweaking the...Well your not sure what it was to be honest...Clark had been shooting off into the galaxy again searching for the abandoned Kryptonian outposts and bringing you back bits and pieces anything from trinkets to tech. This time he brought back a hover krypto-bot guard thingy and thought you might be able to get it up and running to help you and Barbra around the lab. You grumbled tweaking the bot trying to get the last few pieces in place before powering it up, it worked from solar energy much like Clark. You giggled at the thought and looked over to him. And the view wasn't bad~ you twisted eyeing the fit as fuck resident Kryptonian. Today he was wearing some 'tad to small but you wasn't complaining' sweat pants and a fitted white tank top....Yum. He was standing tall one arm extended above him holding a few tonne bat mobile like it was a bed sheet. Bruce's bat mobile was getting a suspension upgrade as it could now crawl up walls with its new 'tires'. He said aiming is hard when he is being jostled about but you and Barbra knew it was just a case of him having a delicate ass and wants a smoother ride~ You gasped as the bot rose hovering above the floor you'd done it? You'd got it working? Fixed a fucking alien robot! Fuck yes go you! you hummed watching as it rose to hover a foot and a half sides opening and closing looking like it was flexing, stretching after a long nap..In a way it looked cute. "Any luck-whoa babe step back a bit" You looked up seeing Clark peer over his shoulder at you eyeing the bot that was hovering in front of you calmly you stepped back Clark had told you what one of these had done to Lois when they met. He motioned for Barbra to back up and put the bat mobile down onto the ground eyeing the bot waiting to see if it attacks. It did Clark was caught off guard as the bot bypassed you instead completely ignoring you turning completely around and gunning for Barbra. It took seconds but soon the bot was ripped in two on the floor. You didn't mind hard work or no that thing had gone for Barbra. "Fucking hell!? Barb you okay?!" You called out jogging the few steps to the shaken woman. she nodded smiling thanking Clark assuring you she was fine. You sighed and placed your hands on your hips huffing seeing the pieces scattered all over. You wasn't mad you just don't like cleaning up oil spills. "Why did it only attack me?...Like y/n was right in front of it and the thing didn't even flinch" she asked Clark you frowned and pondered that yourself from what Clark said it should had attacked the first human it saw is it was going to attack. You furrowed your brows deeper and turned to Clark who was looking between the two of you baffled uming and ahing. "Yeah I'm wondering that to didn't it attack Lois on sight?" Clark nodded which made you turn to Barbra trying to figure it out. "Yes so shouldn't it have gone for the closest human? like if it was gonna turn it should have been you? Weird" you both looked to the now dead robot frowning that didn't make sense and you didn't like things not making sense. "maybe...It sensed my dna inside you?" Clark offered with a slight wave of his hand grasping at straws you frowned completely lost..Dna you wasn't pregnant or anything so that didn't make sense. "Inside y/n?- Wait ew no tmi thank you very much!" Barbra called wheeling herself off to the side giving both you and Clark a wide birth as she made for the exit. you stood there stumped as she did so Clark had a cheeky grin on his face but you really didn't follow. "wait what dna? Clark?" he shrugged cheeks tinting pink and motioned to you in a vague show of hands motioning to you making you even more confused. "Well this morning..I did kinda you know flood your pu-" you cut him off when you realized just what he was getting at. A very satisfying morning romp. "OH! Right well that would be it thank you Clark you can stop now" you spoke quickly in a high pitch trying to shut him up asap as Barbra laughed from the other side of the lab running a diagnostics on the bat mobile for the new parts shes added. you flushed and Clark grinned he loved everyone knowing you were his a typical alpha male pea-cocking, flaunting his prize. you smiled a small impish grin and turned moving to collect the robot. Clark beat you to it and helped move it to one of the work benches. "..Well then, I'm going to...Take him apart and see if I can locate and remove that scanning unit, if it can scan and match dna then I might be able to incorporate it into the security system...No more finger pricks?" you inquired Barbra turned from the screen she was working on "Shit that would be good the systems been buggy with konner and Jon recently I think they are getting sick of spilling blood for their snacks" you smiled to her nodding those were your thoughts exactly you thought the system might be tripping with the half human aspect of them but..If that bot did in fact see Clark's... Residue then it should work for Konner and Jon. "exactly no one likes to many finger pricks" you called out happily Barbra nodded then you both deadpanned as Clark spoke up in a scoff. "Well maybe not you love~" you scowled at him but it lost its bite as you flushed a bright red as he winked quickly sucking in his bottom lip eyes flashing mischievously at you. You just shook your head knowing better then to argue with him in this mood. When Clark got like this and you argued you ended up wishing you'd just kept your mouth shut he was a teasing little shit. "What? like you complain about my fingers babe~" you shook your head biting your lip when really you wanted to cuss him out and throw something at him for embarrassing you. Throwing things was a waste of energy he dodged or caught them. "Okay right I'm going on a lunch break if you two fuck don't break anything!" Barbra called deciding to excuse herself knowing this was going to be a playful spat that'd end up with you bent over something. just as she got to the door it opened the rest of the team filing in not looking to happy. Bruce broke the silence. "We need to talk"

You looked up to Bruce unsure of your next move. this was just bad luck. really bad luck. You eyed everyone this was ultimately being left up to you. You knew them most and honestly you wasn't sure. your gut was telling you to let them come, to help them out. but in your mind you wanted to fuck them off and tell them to do one. by now you'd opened up to them about your time there apparently their surveillance only saw so much. It didn't see the biting words or laughter which at the time you thought was banter but it wasn't. you'd spent some time reflecting and you realized you was being laughed at not with. "Do you know what it could be?" you asked Bruce who had taken the call he shook his head. "Nope.. Apparently a peter quil brought it in for them...Kryptonians were apparently thousands of years in front of everyone with tech, they know its kryptonian but are not sure if it holds a weapon or not they want to collaborate after all we do have Clark" you nodded heaving a deep sigh Clark placed his arm around you hand on your hip squeezing lightly bringing you to him.

"You don't have to we can say no-" you shook your head interupting him "No..No we cant Tony has wanted kryptonian tech since you popped up, he will find away to crack it... he will bust it open it he has to." you said thinking far to hard trying to calm yourself ideally you didn't want to see any of them again but this could be serious. if it was a weapon you didn't trust them. and if it had kryptonite? you really really didn't trust them hell the only person you trusted with that stuff was Bruce...Even then you didn't really like it being on this planet. "Y/n I can find a way to sneak in and steal it- we could get it and no one would know-" you turned to Barry and gave him a smile. "No..No thats very sweet of you but they would know where to look, they would storm this place looking for it we don't need a civil war between two superhero teams...You'd die, you wont kill them but the avengers don't piss about they would kill you...Tony will do anything to figure out what's inside it... "I would rather it be here where we have at least some understanding of the kryptonian systems...That and if it has kryptonite we can store it away safely, let them come I will be civil and work with them but I'm not going to be pally pally with any of them, and do not let Tony or Bruce or peter be in any labs alone, Barbra can we section of the lower lab for what ever they have? I'm not having them looking at our work fuck them-Victor watch your back Tony will try to charm you into letting him scan you if he does riddle Friday with the worst worms and Trojans you can oh god wait no do a malware to or adware!-fuck him" Victor nodded laughing to you seeing the claws come out Barbra whistled with Barry who both asked if adware was a little harsh receiving a glare from you which shut them up pretty quick, you smoothed back your hair stressed about it already

"Arthur, Clark the same goes for you they will try to butter you up and-" you were cut off with a laugh from the ocean master.

"Don't you worry I'm not going to be falling for any of the douchbags tricks you just keep yourself sorted okay? we can watch them you just do your thing" He said Diana nodded it seemed everyone was in agreement they will watch them and you just focus on the task at hand. "Okay how about we can have everyone staying here so we have more eyes, I'm sure the boys wont mind a week off school" you nodded to him knowing that Bruce was going to try and make this easier. "That would be helpful Bruce thank you...Avengers stay in the lower levels and they don't get access to our floors or our labs, none of them get entered into the security system...They stay in the dorm rooms and they share a bathroom!" you exclaimed laying out your terms Arthur chuckled crossing his arms grinning at you shifting on his feet.

"Seems like someones getting a little pay back~" he said tipping his head raising a brow the others chuckled making you flush a little for getting so wound up but you tipped you head high and scoffed.

"Damn right they're coming to my house now bitch-fucking give them a taste of their own medicine" it was agreed the Avengers were aloud to come and stay you felt a little better after they all reassured you on the protocols they had in place it would seem Bruce had been anticipating this for a long time. suddenly the bat of Gotham cracked a smile chuckling making everyone pause waiting to hear what he found so funny he shook his head waving at them.

"It's just...I told you one day Tony would be here asking for your help, imagine his face when he sees what your achieving here...And he had you at a fucking desk!" everyone laughed seeing the irony you smiled giggling a little tucking yourself into Clark's side unconsciously looking for a little comfort you were anxious about seeing Tony again. he held you closer kissing your head knowing you were dreading this you'd rather not see him again.

"You'll be fine, you have all of us and the kids and I doubt Konner and Jon will let him near you...Could you imagine?" you huffed a small laugh but it was empty you were worried you could imagine...You'd seen what the avengers could do and you worried about your boys no doubt they wouldn't die but if they did come to blows...Your boys could get hurt.

"And if he brings his suit?" you asked in a small voice Clark wrapped his arms around you pulling you into his chest turning slightly so you had some form of privacy away from the others, he knew you didn't like being seen crying and it sounded like you were close. "You think he'd stand a chance? He does anything and he will be answering you me that suit wont help him I assure you..Trust me I'll protect you... We will protect you" you nodded but couldn't help the dark pit on your stomach...You didn't want any fights you only wanted to have them here in case what ever they found was a weapon...or Kryptonite either in Tony's hands would be used at some point. You closed your eyes as Clark smoothed your hair nodding to the others that he had this handled.

#clark kent x reader #clark kent imagine #clark kent x you #superman x you #superman x reader #superman imagine #dc x reader #dc x y/n #clark kent x y/n #superman x y/n #justice league x reader #dc marvel

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azurite-writes · 3 years

Text

Problem One: The Screen(s) and Digital Workspace

Part one of my multi-part doc about what I learned from doing online college at a non-online institution. This chapter: my Desktop as a Desk

Highlighted points: learning styles, work type/function in relation to the computer

My biggest problem with being pushed online after being at an in-person institution was, and still is, my forced reliance on the computer. I have to sit in front of it for hours: attending classes on Zoom; checking email every three hours; accessing Moodle pages for class and out-of-class work (Moodle is what my institution uses, other web management/e-learning software platforms include PowerLearning, Blackboard, and OU Campus, among others). And the work itself can be watching documentaries, watching seminars, accessing ebook/PDF documents, annotating documents in online portals… it's a lot. People have talked at length about "zoom fatigue," as well as the eyestrain headaches that can come with staring at said screens for hours at a time. I'll talk about my own lessons learned about that later.

The assumption among the administrators and (some) people of older generations than those currently in school seems to be that working online with computers and smartphones is more efficient. That isn't necessarily true; it all depends on the type of task and the person being expected to complete it. In my case, I cannot, for the life of me, focus on dense sections of text presented on a backlit screen. Thus, reading and answering emails is okay, but downloading scanned textbook pages to be read on a laptop screen (along with trying to highlight and annotate them) is hell on earth.

Why is this? Different reasons for different people, but in my case it's because reading/"writing" on a screen interferes with my learning style(s), which are visual/spatial, audio, and kinetic. Audio doesn't come into play for reading on a screen, but seeing words physically in a certain location relative to other words on a page is very important to my memory of the material. Computer screens can display pretty much anything at any given time; book pages can only display whatever was permanently printed onto them. That is, the content of a book page in physical space will always be the same unless you, the reader, manipulate it; a computer screen can have any type of content displayed as long as its pixels can light up and process the information. And for me, that's a problem because I don't have any physical space to relate the information to, plus I don't get a sense of how long the document is. Recalling a passage in a printout, for me, goes like this: "I remember it was on the top-left of a page towards the beginning, the shape of the paragraph was funny too… ah, there it is." Recalling a passage on a digital scan of the same document is much harder for me by contrast: literally any of the paragraphs could have made its way to the top-left of my computer screen, if I moved the window around or zoomed in to better read the text; documents are an endless scroll upward or downwards, with (maybe) a sidebar to tell me what page I've landed on. All of my "landmarks" are functions of the program I am using to access the document. They're static and contained to a window... that can show up anywhere on my computer screen. Not conducive to the way I learn at all.

My kinetic learning style comes into play with the computer, too. Annotating a document? In the physical world, a pen on the document itself does the trick; going through the physical movement of circling a word or making a note are things that solidify the information in my mind. Annotating a PDF document? First of all, it's difficult to do with a mouse (and God help you if you have a trackpad), and it's highly dependent on the program that the user selects to open the PDF. I could connect a drawing tablet, if I have one, but they're very expensive and their use is, again, dependent on the compatibility with whatever reader program the user selects. All this to say: annotating on the computer doesn't work for me, either. My kinetic and visual learning styles come together with note-taking. My memory is highly dependent on seeing words as they are formed by my own hand, processing them, and connecting meaning to them as they sit in a specific place on the page (am I over-explaining this? Basically, writing notes by hand and seeing where those notes are on a piece of paper help me remember them). Typing notes isn't a replacement for hand-writing notes for me; while I'm busy fixing my typos (on words I would never misspell on paper, usually, since my fingers are just moving weirdly over the keys), the professor moves on, and I'm not listening well enough to catch the fact that I've missed new information.

The takeaway here is figure out your individual types of work relate to being on the computer. As I said, the computer hinders many aspects of my learning when it comes to memory and efficiency. As a creative tool, however, it has almost the opposite effect; writing assignments for fiction, poetry, and screenwriting classes are much more efficient on the computer. From creative thought to keystroke, I have less time to second-guess or forget my ideas, and both the immediacy and changeability of word processing programs actually works in my favor for those sorts of things.

What I did differently from first online semester to second:

1) I figured out which materials helped me remember my notes the best. Honestly, I wasn't even doing this when I was at in-person college, and to my detriment, but I couldn't get away with it at all once I went fully remote. Think back to when you were in lower levels of school: were there certain types of materials you gravitated towards in the classroom? Did you like basic composition notebooks with faint blue lines? Wide-ruled or college-ruled paper? Did you discover that graph paper just worked really nicely with all notes besides math, or that blank pages were less busy for your eyes? When you used pens, did you prefer blue or black ink, or did colored ink help certain things stick? If you can control what materials you use to take notes with, consider using ones akin to those from a class you either a) remembered the most fondly or b) remembered the most information from. Scour your memories of class experiences for anything, no matter how small, that may have made your life easier. Equally, take note of what tasks actually worked well digitally. Adjust accordingly.

(Personally, I found my magic formula was a 1-subject memorandum notebook — marginless, with very narrow line rulings; while I hesitate to direct you to Amazon, they are hard to find at a decent price otherwise, and you can get a 12 pack for just over $40 from them — with black ink from a 0.38-size gel pen (I used a basic Pilot G2 pen until it ran out, then bought ink refills in the smaller size). To "highlight" my notes, I circled or underlined information with a blue gel pen of the same variety. Keep in mind again that I'm learning to be a translator; this is just what works for me.)

2) If I needed to print something out, I printed it out. Environmental guilt is something I struggled with a lot, and there was always something about staying on the computer that convinced me I was being "less wasteful" by staying digital. But with how much time and energy I ultimately saved reading a printed document that can be recycled vs the electricity I ate up spinning my wheels in front of the ebook… to me, it was worth it. If you find that helps you, too, don't be ashamed to print certain things out.

(If conserving ink and paper is a concern to you, it is possible in some viewing/editing apps to remove or cover images, either with white squares or by taking the images out completely. I have an old MacBook Pro and on current versions of Preview, one can draw shapes and fill them in white to cover parts of the scan that would eat up ink, such as blurred black borders and scanned images. For documents in a word processing program like Microsoft Word or Pages, it may also be possible to print the documents out at a smaller size, allowing more text or even multiple pages to show up on a single sheet of paper.)

| In the coming days/weeks I hope to be posting more content about how I tried to adapt to fully remote learning and the things I’ve learned along the way! Follow for updates ♥︎ |

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peeterparkr · 4 years

Text

perfidy;tom holland|8

chapter 8: the focus

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: y/n’s fears and tom’s thoughts.

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: swearing, alcohol mention, drama

word count: 6.7k

here’s a playlist

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) : Tweets & Instagram

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist

wanna be tagged?

Stay safe and here’s a doc where you can find out how to support BLM

How wonderful is it that life makes us coincide with people. How wonderful is it that two people with all of the odds of never seeing each other find each other. How amazing is it that two people can feel absolutely everything. How incredible is it that two people can fall in love?

How stupid was it that she had to make that person be Tom.

Y/N was currently debating to herself: did she really want to go there?

She stared at the blank document in front of her. She typed in some letters but there was something bothering her. She’d written a few pages already but this really wasn’t where she wanted to go with. She held her coffee in between her hands as she tried not to squint at the bright screen. She’d put on some big white t-shirt that was hanging around as some

shorts. She’d already taken a pill to help with the headache but there really wasn’t any pill that could soothe her morals. Or her heart for that matter.

And there was no pill that could calm down her thoughts. Because she had felt that spark in her eyes, that stupid smile and that gentle butterflying in her stomach. Sure, she could blame the alcohol but she really knew she couldn’t.

And it came back to that night, the yellow flowers.

She remembered how it felt. The heartbreak, the last one she’d experienced. How hard she’d fallen into that very dark place. How vocal she had been about it when being alone.

Having to pretend everything was okay because she was not supposed to be in love with him and how she was not supposed to care about him. How she had to swallow up her feelings but come home to tear herself apart.

How much her stomach hurt and how barely she could sleep. How she couldn’t talk. How she’d break down in random moments, in the shower, in the bus. and at school and pretend it was something else. Blame it on everything.

How disappointed she was. How nothing made sense. How she’d cry until she fell asleep, but she didn’t sleep at all. Waking up in the middle of the night to think about everything, to call herself a fool for even coming up with it. Losing her breath. How she would need to scream to her pillow. How somehow she’d lost a bit of herself with him.

How the days had turned grey, so grey and so long, nights seemed too short and if they ever came the moon would only get ever so brightly to wash her body to keep her awake. How she had cried so much she’d run out of tears.

How she’d changed her style. How she’d try to be more feminine. Or how she tried to comb her hair in a different way. Or her makeup. Change herself. How she had tried to change her personality. . How she couldn’t know why he couldn’t love her. What was wrong? her perfume? The lipstick? Was it her music taste?

What was wrong with her? Why did he hate her that much?

The thought would remain on her head for hours and hours. Days and nights. Weeks. Months. Years.

How she had isolated and found comfort in movies, and scenes and brightened up her day. But they didn’t make any sense, at all. Nothing did. Not even her favorite song or her favorite movie.

How nothing would make her smile. And how she’d listen to sad songs to make herself sadder and how she had to deal seeing him parade around and keep mocking her. How she had to keep on an act. Keep ok with a life when she had been so broken-hearted. How she had given so much and it hadn’t been enough.

How hard it had been because everything simply would bring it back. Like a random song on the radio, a movie scene or a book. And how hard it was seeing him everywhere, and how she had had to block his name from coming up. How she had to distance herself from his family, his friends. Her friends and her family.

How no one knew. And no one could know. What did she win by saying a man had screwed her over? What would she win by saying that man had been Tom?

She’d cried for a complete month, even more. Her tears had dried out. Not knowing if she was crying out of pain because he’d hurt her or she was crying out of self pity, because what a fool had she been.

Because she knew, she had warned herself. That he was a rock. That Tom would never love her, that he hated her. She was well aware that he had a stone cold soul, that his heart was not reachable. Not for her, at least.

She knew he was poison, she knew he was the devil in disguise, that he was no angel. That he’d break her.

And yet, she’d fallen in love with him. But that’s what she got for ignoring her own advice. She remembered the day she’d promised herself she would stop trying.

All because of yellow flowers.

She stared at the script she started and she thought about it: she couldn’t go through another heartbreak caused by Tom. She couldn’t go again through it, she couldn’t cry mid workouts, and she couldn’t shut her thoughts. How dumb she had felt, and how much it simply hurt. She needed to have her heart locked up, she couldn’t let herself feel anything.

And she didn’t. She really didn’t. She didn’t want to be hurt again. Because the last time he broke her heart, he broke her completely.

Maybe he didn’t know about it. No one did, really. Each heartbreak had been different. With Tom, there was a constant. She had to be quiet about her pain. Even when she wanted to scream and yell, she couldn’t let him know he’d won. No one could know that she was crying over him. No one could know about her frustration.

It made her nauseous thinking about it. She couldn’t go back to that place. But she needed him to go through it.

But even after the darkest storm, the sun comes out. She’d met Timmy. And he had saved her from drowning. Even after the drought. Even if it had been a crime.

Because Timmy showed her that she could be loved for being herself. Because Timmy loved every aspect that made her. From the way she liked to let the tears dry on their own or how she always had post-it’s hanging around for her notes. Because Timmy loved that y/n liked to watch the vinyl roll as it played, and because Timmy loved the way she’d run out of breath whenever she laughed.

With Timmy, she’d stare at windows and enjoy walks in the rain. It was calm. And she was breathing again. even underwater She didn’t have to worry about her makeup, or anything. Timmy had shown her how to love herself. Maybe that’s why he was still hanging on the Polaroids. Because he had learned to love her when she was down and he managed to pull her up.

Not that Tom had ever told her anything about herself but y/n with her complicated mind, only could wonder why he hated her. Why did the person she’d loved the most hated her so ardently? Why couldn’t he love her? Why wasn’t she enough?

Timmy had taught her something, loving is simple. Timmy had taught her she was enough.

She was more frustrated this time, not only would she get hurt if he didn’t fall in love with her but she’d have no script. Still, she was writing,

Eventually, he finally walked into the kitchen bare chested, he’d wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder, her neck and finally ended on her cheek. She’d been quick to close the document and then stared at him, and expected him to throw in something that would break her again. Hadn’t she met Timmy she’d probably already be crying. But maybe she’d built up a shield so high that she wouldn’t be bothered by him anymore. Even if she felt the pain on her chest.

“Morning,” he sheepishly said as he continued to pepper her neck with kisses.

“I made you coffee,” she whispered as she closed her MacBook.

“Sh, you’re being too loud,” he nuzzled into her neck. “I’m never drinking wine again.”

She chuckled. “Here ,” she pushed a box of aspirins towards him. “I wasn’t going to give you anything, thought it’d be a good way to attack my enemy. But I guess, having some pity is a benefit we should have.”

He grabbed the pill and then chuckled as he searched for his water, he downed two glasses before he took the pill.

“Your fans have made their way to my Instagram, by the way, haven't checked any of the notifications and I really don’t want to,” she admitted.

“Sorry.”

She didn’t say anything. She waited for him to speak, to destroy her and somehow make her insecure again. Even if the glance he was giving her could make anyone believe he liked her, she was just waiting to be stabbed.

“You have a lot of Polaroids,” he commented.

“Not all of them are actually Polaroids but I edited some and printed them out, they’re important,” she mentioned.

He raised his brows. “What is the importance of them?” As he sipped from the bitter coffee.

“Moments, memories, things that made me who I am,” she shrugged.

“And Timmy made you who you are today?” He chuckled.

She watched him. “In many ways, yes.”

He scrunched his nose. “So you’re not taking them off?”

“Why would I?” She questioned as she reached over to the cookies she’d baked the day before, pulling the plate towards her.

“You broke up,” Tom pushed. “You should hate him.”

“I don’t hate him, besides even if I did. Wouldn’t take him off. I hate you and you’re up there.”

“You have the worst pictures of me,” he pointed out.

“I know,” she smirked. “But you’re up there... even if I don’t like to admit it, Tom, you’re a very important part of my life.”

“Am I?”

She looked at him. “I grew up with you. Yes.”

“What would make you take a picture off?”

“I’ve taken some off for some time,”she admitted. “But it meant that I really, really didn’t want to see their face.”

“What’s your favorite picture there?”he grinned.

She smiled to herself. “I’ll show you,” she said as she headed back to her room. He followed her with curiosity. She looked up for the picture, one of Tim’s, the one with the raincoat as he’s looking up in the rain.

He rolled his eyes. “Why?”

“What?” She frowned.

“Why this one with Tim. I see all these pictures and some of them, I know you were the happiest.”

“It’s the moment I knew I was truly, madly deeply in love with him,” she explained as she sat down on her bed again. The moment she was finally breathing again.

“The moment you knew? Look, I… I think love is something gradual, there’s not a moment that you wake up one day and realize you’re in love.”

“No, but there is a moment you realize it,” she pointed out.

He frowned, sitting beside her. “When you realize it?”

“Yes, it’s like that climax point in a movie, it was that one with Tim,” she stared at the picture. The way he was smiling, the way the rain covered him down.

Tom leaned over to see it. “Really?”

“You know those scenes in movies when everything just… makes sense as they’re perfect?” She smiled. “How even though there is probably a lot going on, the lights are hitting the main character perfectly, the focus is only on them, and how the music is subtly playing just building up the emotion, and how their own feelings fade in, maybe a close up, and you know it as everything falls into place.”

He frowned comprehensively. “Right.”

“Well, that day…. I felt it, I saw it, and he was that focus and I knew it. I was so in love with him.”

“When was this?”

“It was autumn.”

He chuckled.

“Don’t laugh,” you wanted.

“No, I won’t, sorry. It’s cause I hardly believe you could feel something as inspiring… with Timothée,” he pronounced his name with such venom.

She ignored him. “We had been walking around, it was a date and I remember holding his arm, it was cold and it was raining just slightly, but we would go to this tea house…”

“Did you get pneumonia?”

She rolled her eyes. “and we were heading to this library first but it started to rain harder but...everything fell into place, we tried to run for a place to cover ourselves but then… something magical happened as if it was straight out of a movie,” she grinned. “a guy opened his balcony window and started to play the cello… You know that Bach song everyone knows?” She grinned.

Tom blinked.

“And I found cover under a perfume shop’s shade and I called for him but he was… too entranced by it, I remember he looked up to the guy in his balcony and he just smiled…and he called me out to go in the rain with him, and I had to take a picture because the look in his eyes and… the way he was the main character…I just knew it then. I was so in love with him.”

And even if she wasn’t raining, she had finally found a way out to breath.

Tom cleared his throat. “You’re too poetic sometimes.”

“Well haven’t you ever felt it? I know you’ve been in love,” she pointed out.

“Yes but it’s never worked out,” he clenched his jaw. “And it didn’t work out for you either.”

“A break up doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t work out,” she debated.

“Well mine didn’t.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t… I… look, that conversation is definitely not included in our benefits,” he scowled as he stood up searching for his phone.

“Sorry I thought since I told you—“

“You thought wrong,” he grunted.

She closed her eyes. “Of course.”

The doorbell rang just in time to make this less awkward, she left her room as he plopped down back on the bed to stare at his phone.

There needed to be a way to know what had him falling in love, of course that would take a while. Maybe a little more wine, get him all turned on again and he’d be spilling it all.

But she walked to the door, it ran again, triggering her headache.

“Coming!”

She slightly opened the door to see who was there, and little did she expect… him. She almost fainted as she saw his pretty face, with his curls falling down his green perfect eyes, as his hands held pastel colored flowers.

“Oh my god,” were the only words that had come out. “Tom—I mean… TIMMY!”

“Y/N!” He started but y/n closed the door. “Y/N?” He called out again.

And she remembered, they had agreed on having brunch together. She cursed under her her breath every possible bad word she knew.

She opened the door again to see a confused Timothée.

He frowned, “y/n.”

Then she cleared her throat. “Give me a sec—“

“Y/N—“

But she’d closed the door again and rushed to pick up any trace of last night, then she ran to her room to see a half naked Tom with his cup of coffee, scrolling through his phone. She threw his clothes at him.

“Hey!” He complained.

“Shut up!”

“Who was it—“

“Sh!” She jumped slightly in frustration. “It’s Timmy.”

“Timmy.”

“Oh my god, he can’t know,” she chirped. “I—“

“What is he doing here?”

“I’m having brunch with him and then we’d go together to Harry’s…”

“He’s coming?” Tom frowned.

“Emma invited him,” she was so nervous.”but oh my god he can’t know about this so you’re going to stay quiet and hide.”

“C’mon y/n—“he laughed, “why can’t he know?”

“You want me to tell your brothers and friends too?”

“No—“

“Then?”

“Fine, I’ll stay here. I’ll be quiet.” He frowned. “But why are you going out with him?”

“It’s—my business, and I don’t think asking those kind of questions are included in our… benefits,” she searched in for some clothes, picking out a pretty dress. “now I’m gonna go let him in and I’m going to take a shower and I need you to—“

“Is that an invitation?” He asked with a smirk.

“No, you’re ugly,” she answered. “And I need you to stay here quietly.”

“C’mon babe,” he laughed.

She shot him a death glare and threw a pillow at him, “shut up!”

“What was that For?”

“Keep quiet.”

“Babe,” he grabbed her arm.

“Fellow associate,” she frowned as she watched him.

He only pulled her over to kiss her. She didn’t kiss him back.

He blinked as he pulled away. “Hey.”

“Keep quiet.”

He rolled his eyes, watching her leave the room, closing the door.

He then heard her: “Timmy! Hi, sorry I’m… you can come in, sorry, I uh… I’ll be quick alright?”

“Yeah, of course—Uh, These are for you.”

“They’re beautiful, Tim, thank you… now uh, I… you can hang around here in the kitchen if you want to—I’ll just take a shower“

“Yeah,’course—“

Tom rolled his eyes, as he mimicked Timmy. He was fumed. Disgusted.

Tom could hear the water running now from the shower. Y/n’s apartment was very small, that made it cute but it was very small that there was no wonder why she had asked him to stay quiet.

“So, y/n.” Tom heard Timmy say. “Busy night?”

Tom smirked to himself.

“Hm?” Y/N answered. “Not really! Very calm actually!”

Tom frowned.

”really?” Timmy pushed. “I saw Tom was here.”

Tom frowned. How did he know?

“How did you—Yeah he came for dinner, nothing special we went over his schedule.”

“With wine?” Timmy asked.

“You really think I would stand him without it?” Y/N yelled back with a laugh. “But he was long gone.”

“And then you got drunk by yourself—“

“I—what?” Y/N asked.

Tim laughed, “you posted a… very nice picture.”

“I—what?”

Tom frowned as he went straight to Instagram. And he saw it, the picture he had very well snapped of y/n. She posted it. Of course Tom was nowhere in sight but if people connected the dots… of course people would think stuff. Thankfully, Tom knew, Harry probably was at Emma’s, and he hadn’t noticed that Tom hadn’t slept home. But Harrison.

He’d have to deal with Harrison.

“Aaaah,” y/n said. “What did I post? I actually did get very drunk by myself…”

Tim didn’t answer.

Tom cursed under his breath. He had to leave now, because he didn’t really need to give an explanation to Harrison. Haz probably already was up. Did Harrison know he was not home yet?

Tom even stopped listening to the awkward banter between y/n and Tim. He didn't care anymore. He had his own reasons to freak out. And y/n and Timmy started a very dumb conversation. Even if it wasn’t, Tom was annoyed by Timothee.

Even if the guy had done nothing wrong. But Tom did have his reasons to hate him. Being bloody perfect for y/n was the biggest reason, of course. And that y/n was so smitten with him. If y/n ever looked at him the way she stared at Timothee, and if she listened the way she listened to Tim, Tom would never ever be able to say he hated her.

Tom didn’t even realize when y/n had walked into the room, also freaking out about the picture.

“We need some damage control,” that’s all she said before handing him the keys to her apartment so he’d close it up.

Before Tom knew it he was quietly walking into his place, with his t-shirt stained with wine, and probably stained with the infamous walk of shame. Tom was praying to himself that he wouldn’t see Harrison. And he thanked everything in existence that Harry had stayed at Emma’s and that the party would be at her place so there was no reason as to why Harry would know.

Tom quietly tiptoed his way in but little did he know he was expected.

“Good morning!” Harrison greeted him.

“I—went to my—car.”

“Are you gonna tell me you went to your car which clearly wasn’t here all night? And probably was at y/n’s just like you were.”

“No-uh.”

“Amazing walk of shame you’ve got going on there,” Harrison sassed. “So are you gonna tell me what’s going on? Or are you gonna invent something like y/n did last time and claimed she watched porn? Did you watch porn at her place now?” Haz smirked as he took a sip of the tea he had in his hand.

Tom was screwed. He couldn’t lie to his best friend.

“I—“

“Nice t-shirt, is it designer?” Haz chuckled. “Is it by the same designer of y/n’s glass of wine in her last picture?”

“It’s nothing—“

“Is it really nothing?” Haz laughed. “Just like the fact that when I was on set I might have seen you sneak a kiss on her cheek?,” Haz smirked. “I didn’t mention it but I might as well do it right now before you come up with any stupid excuses.”

“I—“

“We ain’t got all day, Tom,”Haz insisted.

Tom squinted. “It’s nothing—“

“Nothing?”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

Harrison frowned. “Sit down, Thomas. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

Tom had to sit down and deal with the pounding headache he was facing not only because of the alcohol he had had last night but now because he really had no excuse to give to Harrison.

“So?” Haz crossed his arms.

“I… well.”

“You slept with her, we both know that,” Haz sassed.

“I…. did.” Tom cleared his throat.

Haz expected him to elaborate.

“Twice,” Tom continued. “Yeah, once when… a few weeks ago, and… well last night.”

“How did it—“

“The first time?” Tom gulped. “I may have… hinted at it, I think it just… led to it. We made out in the car and we’d been flirting all night. And… we have… we have been having this whole game I dunno, when we were teasing each other, and I don’t know… we made out a few more times but… last night, we were talking about everything, we had had dinner, we had laughed, and then I just kissed her and it escalated and—I dunno it just happened.”

“Just happened.”

“And… well, I don’t know, we agreed on being enemies with benefits.”

“What even is that?”

“Means that we can continue hating each other but we get to fuck I guess,” Tom looked away. “Sounds stupid don’t even know why I accepted it.”

Haz raised his brows. “Well… why did you?”

“I just did.” Tom gulped.

Harrison frowned. “Your brother was bloody in love with her and you hate her,” he said condescendingly. “Tom this is—“

“What if I don’t?”

“You don’t—what?”

Tom stood up. “I’m very bloody aware he was in love with her but he’s with Emma now. And I’m spending time with y/n… and we are both single and so far the sex has been great.”

“I guess it’s not a crime Tom, but this is insane…You hate her.”

“I don’t alright?” Tom admitted, he was sweating. “I’ve been bloody in love with her my whole fucking life and now I… Harry moved on.”

Harrison watched him. “Well that’s… such a turn of events.”

“Yes I loved her okay? Is it that big of a crime?” Tom scoffed. “And I—I also do hate her because I wasn’t supposed to love her alright?” Tom rubbed his face. “I never wanted to hurt Harry and okay, had she been in love with Harry instead of me…”

“She loved you at some point, didn’t she?”

“When we were younger, just a crush,” Tom continued, well aware that y/n had told him only last night that he had been her first love. “But I hated her because I…”

“You hate her and you’re in love with her.”

“I hate her because I shouldn’t be in love with her, not when my brother loves her too and he deserves her, and she deserves someone like him. Someone who treated her right, who didn’t bother her to get her attention.”

Harrison watched him, curiously. He was slightly shocked but not really. “I’m… this isn’t.”

“And look, maybe it’s stupid but Harry moved on and now she’s not dating that stupid Timothee—and I thought hey this might be my chance, but the only problem is still Timothée, that dumb man.”

“You don’t have to come for Tim-“

“But look, she’s not over him, she literally woke up, and left to have breakfast with him—“

Haz watched him. “You’ve literally treated her so badly her entire life—“

“I know, I've been an asshole my whole life, I guess I tried to make her fall in love with Harry instead,” Tom sighed. “Look, I know she’ll never be able to—I noticed it, she doesn’t look at me the way she—God, just this morning when she saw a picture of Timothée, her eyes lit up, he’s her bloody everything.”

Harrison watched him. “But you’re in love with her.”

“Yes and I know I can’t—I know I can’t have her because I have fucked up so many times and if I did do anything, Harry would be devastated even if he’s over her…” I can at least have this, this whole enemies with benefits bullshit.”

Harrison watched him. “And would you try anything else?”

Tom sighed, “maybe,” he coughed. “But it’s—when I’ve kissed her, she—I know she doesn't feel anything.”

“Do you? Have you shown her?”

“I don’t know how, and this—this has only been full of lust and I know… this doesn’t feel like it’s supposed to feel like alright? It feels like we are in a place where we only want to hurt each other.”

“Hurt each other? Don’t you love her?”

“It’s a matter of habit, I guess…” Tom gulped. “Old habits that didn’t wear out. It’s in my nature I guess.”

His friend stayed quiet, trying to process the information he was just given.

“Well change,” Haz said. “If you love her—“

“I won’t. I’m okay with this,” Tom lied. He cleared his throat. “But look Harry can’t know because even if he doesn’t know I love her he’ll think I’m just using her and if he knew I loved her he’d encourage me to try something and in any way that’ll break his heart…”

Harrison rolled his eyes. “I won’t tell anyone,” Haz sighed. “But Tom you’re just playing with something that—I don’t know man, maybe try something?”

“Why?”

“Harry wouldn’t mind if he knew you dated her, he’d mind if he knew you were doing this,” Haz pushed.

“But she won’t—give in,” Tom sighed. “I know.” Tom paused. “I know but… maybe I’ll just… I’m just scared that all my life I’ve told her that she’s always found a way to make every wrong decision and I know I’m just another one, alright? I’m another mistake she’s making.”

Harrison raised a brow.

“Gee, I’ve been talking too much with her. I'll be getting all poetic like her but—I know that Timmy or Harry would be right for her but I really don’t want her to see that. I want her to choose the wrong option. I am the wrong option here.”

Harrison watched her. “I don’t know man, just be careful because you might end up hurting several people in here… now go get dressed and presentable, we need to head to Harry’s party.”

Somehow telling Harrison had not soothed any of his thoughts. Because Tom knew this was a wrong turn and that anything that would lean on from this. He was incredibly confused.

Tom knew that he’d hurt y/n in very many ways, sometimes he’d meant it, some others, mostly he hadn’t. But we can understand that love is so complicated. He had never seen her cry in front of him, not really. Sure he knew that she was hurt but she always looked back like saying; you'll get my revenge. Maybe she had been incredibly good at hiding it or maybe she’d never been hurt at all.

Just as they continued to grow up y/n would show less and less importance to Tom. Even this morning when she’d refused to kiss him back, as if saying you’re not going to win this one.

And Tom wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to show her how a real kiss should taste like, and he wanted her to choose a different path. Because he saw y/n had always been struggling while climbing up the same tree. The same songs. Stuck in a place where she wouldn’t get out of.

But that made her. All the small details. when you’ve been in love with someone you notice the little details that make a person.

Maybe Tom wanted to show her a different part. And maybe he had just by last night having genuine fun with her. Not meaning about sex of course, but everything else.

The way he had heard her run out of breath from laughter or the way she had offered him a spoonful of the cookie dough. So simple. So real.

Love is strange. Because what Tom hadn’t told Harrison was that Tom was also waiting to be stabbed. He was also waiting y/n to betray him. And y/n could hurt him more, because she had also been so good at hurting him.

Because y/n had hurt him too. Not in the ways one would expect it. But also in the same way that he couldn’t really look at yellow flowers anymore. Because he’d regretted it and she had shut him out. And… he couldn’t be thinking about that.

Not when she was standing right in front of him, with her hair flowing as she laughed so melodically. The light was hitting her just in the spot. Everyone in the party was moving but she was the only focus. Her floral dress matched her pink lipsticks. Pink lips. Everything around her had stopped. She was the only spotlight needed, even if Timothee, Emma and Harry were laughing with her. They went silent to Tom

They were laughing at the cookies y/n had made, with the flower petals she’d put on. The aesthetic had been more important.

And Tom had to look away because he was staring too long. And he’d been transported back to a few months ago, when Tim and Y/N were still a thing. And just seeing them made Tom realize that they probably still were. Not dating but this…

It hurt. It hurt knowing he wasn’t the right choice. Yet… y/n looked up just once and gave him that stare. The kind where she basically undressed him with a glance.

He wondered how she was feeling because she had been, even if she was laughing, she had been extremely weird.

Though Tom had only had one same thought the whole day. He needed to buy a Polaroid. But that was the least he should care about. Because his brother had ignored him, all day long.

And y/n had arrived with Timothée, and she had been laughing all this time. And Tim had given him a weird look, but Timothee had been so cocky this evening as if he knew a secret that Tom didn’t.

But y/n and Tom were normal, mocking each other, rolling their eyes at each other and acting like usual. Nothing to suspect there. But y/n had kept on a little game, if she ever walked behind Tom she’d brush a hand on his lower back, or the way she’d sometimes stop and look at him, biting her lip slightly.

She was driving him crazy.

Sam had asked Tom about y/n’s night, and Haz had stepped in.

“Yeah, y/n must have been so tired of Tom that she probably had to black out to forget them, Tom came home pretty early.”

And everyone was around Harry and Emma couldn’t take her eyes off of him. They would miss him.

But Harry had been quiet. Harry hadn’t looked at Tom. He had talked to anyone else but Tom. Was he angry?

Tom walked over to Harry, Emma, and Tuwaine.

Tim, Haz and Y/N were talking to some other friends of them.

“I thought they had broken up,” Tom commented with poison as he eyed them.

“They’re still friends,” Emma commented, “and if we are honest they’re gonna get back together any time soon.”

“Wouldn't say that,” Tom insisted.

“You wouldn’t?” Harry wondered. “Did she say that at your dinner last night?”

Tuwaine laughed. “I’m impressed you guys haven’t killed each other by now.”

Emma laughed, “I don’t know how y/n is dealing with it, my girl, she is so strong, having her ex and her worst enemy in the same room…”

Tuwaine scrunched his nose. “Poor y/n.”

Harry chuckled. “Yes.”

“But they…” Tuwaine watched them. “They seem like they’re alright.”

“I don’t really understand why they broke up. They’re so perfect together,” Harry agreed, watching them.

Emma shrugged. “Dunno, and besides this whole best friends dating each other best friends was amazing.”

Tom coughed. “Right.”

“But no, I’m sad to tell you,”Harry chuckled. “I know y/n, and she’s…”Harry gulped. “Let’s say they’re not at the same place you and I are,” Harry grinned as he kissed Emma. “God, I love you.”

Tuwaine and Tom gave each other a glance and decided to walk away. They truly didn’t want to be in their way.

Tom wondered if Harry was so in love with Emma why had it bothered him that he had had dinner with y/n? What bothered him? Emma was so in love with him. And Harry was so in love with her. Emma was like… anything Harry had wished for.

But the party continued.

And Tom and Tuwaine ended up talking about the movie, about Tuwaines life and about everything that was going on.

But Tom kept looking at how Timothee hadn’t left y/n’s side.

“It’s not me, right? Tim is extremely annoying,” Tom pointed out.

Tuwaine laughed. “What? The guy’s a sweetheart.”

“He’s not, he’s boring, and—“Tom rolled his eyes as he saw everyone laughing exactly at something Timothee had said. “And he's really not handsome.”

Tuwaine frowned. “I dunno about that, I just know he’s too… what was the word y/n used? Dreamy.”

“He wouldn’t appear in dreams, he’s a nightmare,” Tom scoffed. “What did he see in him?”

“I don’t know,” Tuwaine chuckled. “I—why are you asking me this?”

Harrison approached them. “What are we talking about?”

“Why Tim is so dreamy,” Tuwaine laughed. “Look at his eyes,” Tuwaine chanted laughing.

Haz glanced behind him and then raised his brows at Tom. “Really?”

“I’m just curious.”

“Probably because he treated her like he was the only girl in the room and he looks at her so nicely and he hasn’t broken her heart multiple times and he’s not an asshole, and doesn’t constantly mock her,” Haz sassed.

“What?” Tuwaine laughed. “That sounds so specific.”

Haz laughed. “I know.”

Tom rolled his eyes as he turned to y/n again and she locked her sight with him and then slightly motioned away. She excused herself from her friends and headed to the restroom, Tom waited for a decent amount of time before heading after her.

He knocked on the door, “it’s me.”

Y/n opened it and before checking it was cleared she dragged him inside, locking the door.

“How’s that damage control going?” She asked him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. “Hi.”

“Thomas, not the time,” she rolled her eyes, but her hands landed on his chest anyway. “What did you do with Haz?”

He scrunched his nose. “He didn’t notice,” he lied.

“Good, Tommy—I mean,” she blinked, “Timmy did ask but I told him a lie.”

“Don’t you ever dare confuse me with him again,” Tom threatened.

She smirked. “Or what?”

Tom pushed her up against the wall, “or else…” his lips connected with her neck. She instantly closed her eyes.

But someone knocked on the door and y/n instantly pushed him away.

“Uh… coming!” Tom said.

“What?” Y/n mouthed.

“Oh okay, sorry!” It was Harry. Tom and y/n panicked. “Hey Tom, did you see y/n?”

“No I didn't, why would I? I’m in the bathroom man, and I’m definitely not up for a conversation,” Tom snapped.

“Right, sorry, I’ll… should I call her?” Harry asked.

“No, no man…”

And y/n quickly pulled out her phone and silenced it before anything else could go wrong.

“I—Tom, actually can you come out already? I need to talk to you.”

“Man. I’m kind of… busy,” Tom said again. Tom licked his lips, as he then pointed to the shower.

“What?” Y/N mouthed again.

“Hide there,” Tom whispered.

Y/N frowned but got into the shower and hid behind the curtains.

Tom washed his hands and walked out to face his brother, closing the door.

“What?” Tom wondered.

“What happened last night?” Harry asked.

Tom cleared his throat. “I went to y/n’s place, had dinner, we discussed the schedule and that’s it.”

“Tom, don’t play with her,” Harry begged him.

“What?” Tom frowned.

Harry took a deep breath. “Look… I… we both know you guys have your relationship but I really don’t want you hurting her anymore, okay?”

“I’m not—doing anything.”

“Tom but you know how she used to feel about you,” Harry pushed. “I don’t want you messing her up anymore because okay, if you make her cry once again I’m not gonna be there and—“

“Harry, Harry, Harry, I genuinely am not going to do anything to hurt her, things have changed okay, we are… kind of friends.”

Harry sighed. “Fine—I am just worried okay?”

“Yes okay.”

Harry cleared his throat. “Well I’m—“he pointed to the bathroom.

“Aaa—-ahhh, hey good luck there Harry! Going into the bathroom! Good for you! What are you—what are you doing there?”

“Peeing, thanks for asking.” Harry scowled.

“GOOD LUCK IN THE RESTROOM WHILE YOU PEE!” Tom yelled again.

Harry frowned and punched Tom in the shoulder, but got there anyway.

Tom chuckled to himself, before taking out to text y/n, warning her.

But before he knew it y/n had come back to the living room and glared at him.

They gathered up to say their goodbyes, and good luck to Harry. It really wasn’t sentimental, maybe only coming from Sam and Tom, wishing their brother their best good and congratulating him. It was just people happily giving their advice and nice words.

“Thanks to everyone I—this is very nice coming from all of you,” Harry chuckled as he was looking at Emma. “Uh—well, tomorrow it’s completing a dream one and—I… but my dream wouldn’t be complete without Emma here, my love.”

Emma grinned as she stood up, taking Harry’s hand.

“Well we have another announcement,” Harry said nervously. “Well uh—“

“We’re engaged!” Emma announced showing her hand up as a big ring was adorning her hand.

“What?” Was the only word that was spreading around the room.

And suddenly the focus was only on that ring.

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jenner-benjamin · 3 years

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Performance Writing

‘Letter of Resignation’ - performance writing.

This last year in particular I have started to become more comfortable with the fact that I am as excited by the performative act of making as I am by the consequential drawing or print. I think because my research has led to intense discourse about the disappearance of handwriting, I have become increasingly aware of this being an important aspect of my practice. As such I have started to document the process and creation of some artworks, regarding these performances just as important as than the finished outputs themselves.

These drawings were mostly produced at home, but eventually became tiresome and monotonous. I think because I was limited to the desk in my bedroom, I felt as though everything was whispered and restricted. Once university began to slowly reopen I was able to get hold of a space big enough that I could really spread out, and when not confined by space I was able to shout about how I was feeling rather than whisper. This release was exactly what I needed to breathe a bit of life back into my practice and I am very excited by the results.

The following performances are titled ‘Letters of Resignation’. The title is an homage to the works of the same name by Cy Twombly, an artist that is widely recognised for his works that have quite clear connections to asemic writing. Furthermore there are many suggestions that can be derived from this title; letters in the sense of individual written characters, letters that we write in correspondence, resigning from a job and resigning to the fact that this is just how life is now. I enjoyed the multiple meanings that can be deduced from this, just as there are multiple ways that we can read and understand asemic writing.

youtube

‘Letter of Resignation’ - performance writing.

youtube

‘Letter of Resignation’ - performance writing.

I conducted this series of performances because I wanted to spread out and enjoy not being limited to a domestic space. I unravelled a roll of Fabriano paper and performed a series of asemic written works to music with a mop, a handheld jug mop, and a drawing instrument that I made with bamboo cane and string. These instruments are all evidently larger than a pen or paintbrush, and so in writing with these on the oversized paper I was making myself more aware that this performance was more of a spectacle than writing at my desk with a pen.

I write every single day, therefore I perform every day, and yet I was not consciously aware that the performance was taking place. It is interesting that the change in writing implement made me acutely alert to this fact. This is definitely something to think about in terms of the context of how or where the performance is taking place.

Does a performance need to be documented or witnessed in order to describe it as a performance? If I sit at my desk and write a letter, is it any less performance as it would be to do the exact same thing but go live on social media whilst doing it? Is every act of writing a performance, or is it a performance because it is labelled as such? I have begun to read more about some artists that explore performance in their practice in the hopes of learning more about why this method of communicating my ideas has peaked my interest.

Inoue Yûichi

Inoue Yûichi in his studio by Itô Tokio, 1984 - photograph.

‘Katsu (Sound of Metal)’ by Inoue Yûichi, 1977 - ink on paper.

Inoue Yûichi, was a Japanese artist who began working as a primary school teacher, before retraining under the tutelage of calligrapher, Ueda Sokyu. He came to the practice later on in life but is now regarded as one of the most esteemed Japanese artists of the last century. He co-founded the avant-garde society for calligraphy which in turn saw his push for liberation from calligraphy’s traditional roots, advocating documentation of the calligrapher’s physical movements and energy as being equally as paramount as the textual pieces themselves.

Yûichi depicts traditional Japanese kanji characters, having been predominantly inspired by traditional masters of Japanese calligraphy, but performs them in such a way that has been likened to abstract expressionist action painters. This meeting of Eastern and Western culture culminates in a performative practice that is a pure expression of being in the present moment. He allowed himself to enter a state of calm that is standard practice of the Japanese art of ‘Shodo’, which connects the mind with the body. This calm state of being is thus expressed in his written performance.

Nakajima Hiroyuki

‘Calligraphies Sonores’ by Nakajima Hiroyuki, 2018 - performance at Villa Cavrois Lille in France.

‘Shizen’ by Nakajima Hiroyuki, 2012 - performance at Galeria Nobili Milano in Italy.

Nakajima Hiroyuki is a performance artist, also from Japan, but learnt the art of Shodo from a young age. Hiroyuki understood that the art of calligraphy was highly sought after, but recognised that it had the potential to surpass tradition. He began to create abstract artworks based on his deep knowledge of Japanese calligraphy.

Not long after he began exhibiting his calligraphic abstract forms, he introduced elements of Tai Chi in to his practice, aiming to establish the process of calligraphy by way of performance. He begins his performances by standing in a meditative situation, as per traditional Shodo practices, and then in one swift movement he creates his written thoughts as an evidence of that point in time.

Hiroyuki says:

“Every work of "Sho" is created in one continuous motion, and therefore cannot be repeated or re-written. The power of "Sho" lies in this feature of non-recurrence. Even if you draw the same letter ten times, ten different forms will arise spontaneously.”

I am drawn to the sense of calm and quiet in both Yûichi and Hiroyuki’s performances. The influence of Zen Buddhism and traditional leanings makes for a great basis on which to build from. They utilise traditional ideas in conjunction with contemporary art practice to create performance writings that are not only dynamic but also speak of their cultural backgrounds.

James Nares

James Nares is a multi-disciplinary artist whose practice includes; film, music, painting, photography and performance. He uses these methodologies to explore ideas of physicality and motion.

In the 1980s Nares began creating what are now his iconic brush stroke calligraphic paintings. These paintings document a gestural and expressive moment, a record of motion across the surface, and are inspired by Roy Lichtenstein’s own depictions of brush strokes.

Nares suspends himself on wires above the canvas in what looks to be a slightly precarious Mission Impossible manner. This inclusion of an outside source in which to aid the creation of the painting further enhances the idea of performance, bringing an element of true action to the forefront of the drawing. The innovative employment of the wires does add an extra dimension to the works, though I would tend to think that they are required for logistic purposes as opposed to it being performance art. Nevertheless it is an interesting way in which to create a drawing, and an added point of interest.

‘Girl About Town’ by James Nares, 2017 - screenprint on paper.

‘Damian’ by James Nares, 2014 - screenprint on paper.

Janine Antoni

‘Loving Care’ by Janine Antoni, 1993 - performance with hair dye. Janine Antoni’s work sits in the space between performance and installation. She addresses everyday activities such as eating and bathing and transforms these routines in to art, chiefly using her own body as her method of conveying these ideas.

Antoni has performed pieces where she has scraped away at both lard and chocolate with her teeth, as well as washing away exact replicas of her face made from soap. The piece I am most drawn to is ‘Loving Care’, a performance whereby Antoni mopped the floor with her own hair, soaked in ‘Loving Care’ hair dye. She explains that in doing this she learns and reconnects with her body, finding an understanding with what happens when she puts her body in such an uncompromising space. I am reminded of the body prints by David Hammons and the performative prints that I studied in the Research Practice module. Hammons expressed a sense of cultural identity by using his body as a matrix for printing and mark-making.

Antoni could also be seen to be putting forth a thought-provoking address of antiquated views of femininity in the domestic setting in collusion with action painting. Mopping been seen as a domestic chore and action painting popularised by abstract expressionism which was predominantly populated by men.

This is a great instance of performance drawing, an example of the artist claiming the space as her canvas, and forcing the audience out of the room as she did so. Again, I enjoy the sense of performance art as a means of describing one's identity, this case being an emotional articulation of gender identity.

Franz Erhard Walther

Politisch (Political), no. 36 by Franz Erhard Walther, 1967 - performance.

I came across the work of Franz Erhard Walther during my research of the Fluxus movement. He is a German artist that rose to prominence with his participatory and activated sculptural works.

‘Werksatz’ is a series of roughly fifty wearable sculptures that are activated through audience interaction, and an exploration is made of the demands that they place on the human body. These demands are furthered by the possibility of the relationships that the objects prompt between additional participants. The fabric objects consist of a multitude of openings, fastenings and straps that encourage the user to wear and initiate them, either as a solo performance or as a collective effort.

Walther explains that the motivation behind the wearable sculptures was to understand the negotiation between dormant and active states. This in turn suggests how the materiality of the works might change the body’s behaviour. It is also interesting to note how some of the pieces depended upon the audience’s ability to achieve an awareness of harmony within the structure, making the piece a confrontation as opposed to a simple Happening. I do like this sense of participation from the audience, if it weren't a risk to health and safety this would be something I would have been keen to explore at my end of degree show. Perhaps urging the audience to create their own asemic works in response or alongside my own. This is still food for thought for further study, as restrictions begin to ease.

Körpergewichte (Body Weights), no. 48 by Franz Erhard Walther, 1969 (performed in 2008) - performance.

Nancy Murphy Spicer

‘Hanging Drawings, 20 successive drawings, unique and unrehearsed’ by Nancy Murphy Spicer, 2015 - installation and performance.

I met Nancy Murphy Spicer as an undergraduate student after she gave a talk to my year group about her drawing practice. I have since read that she created a participatory drawing performance that questions the very nature of drawing. She establishes the line as a sensuous object that can be touched, moved and manipulated. The result is a participatory installation that invites the audience forth to engage with the line and create their own drawing.

It is an interesting conception of the physicality of drawing. The artist has brought forth the tools in which the drawing is to be made, but ultimately it is the spectator that activates its agency as a drawing. This notion not only melds the roles of artist and audience, but also gallery and art studio.

The hanging drawings also touch upon the idea posited by Hiroyuki about the same drawing never being able to be repeated - ‘even if you draw the same letter ten times, ten different forms will arise spontaneously’. This is a thought that I have come back to multiple times throughout this course, the idea of the multiple and the edition. I am a printmaker that is excited by the accidental and incidental unplanned marks, and so the notion of works that can never be repeated is something that I have explored time and time again through print, drawing, writing, and now performance.

‘Hanging Drawings, 20 successive drawings, unique and unrehearsed’ by Nancy Murphy-Spicer, 2015 - installation and performance.

In researching ideas of performance drawing and performance writing, I again find myself being reminded of the Fluxus movement. I would propose that these performances are both Happenings and event scores. I think that this might be an avenue to explore going forward, the capacity for asemic writing to exist both as performance and event score. I do not see Letters of Resignation as a finished piece, but as a starting point to which I could further investigate. Perhaps I could record more written pieces that are less dramatic and focus more on the every day written works. These are just as much performance even without the great expanse and exaggerated writing implements.

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zumpietoo · 3 years

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Here’s the thing that Milly/Zelda/Kombucha/Dazey/Lisa/etc and all the socks in their drawers combined don’t understand. It is 20fucking21. If Cole Sprouse was some horrible abuser of women, rather than just the victim of his unfortunate taste in headcases (aka Lili and Bree) – he would be CANCELLED. No army of teenage fans, no amount of popularity in Hollywood, nothing could protect him in this day and age. If Bree had the receipts she and her fans claim she does… where are they? Why hasn’t she come forward properly instead of vague posting about Cole on Tumblr/Twitter/Insta/Twitch/wtfever? Why did all of their mutual friends side with Cole during their breakup? Clearly these people don’t remember when the Bree shit hit the fan. People were ready with RECEIPTS of her fuckery… the head games SHE played, all of her jealous stalking (which she also stalked Lili for a while!!), how she shit all over things that made him happy because they didn’t include her, how she told everyone he emotionally abused her when the reality was she thought they were going to get married and be 2GETHER4EVER (at 19 lmao ok), and then when it turned out he just kind of wanted a girlfriend to have sex with and play video games with (lmao like MOST 19 year old guys), she flipped the fuck out and called it emotional abuse. People had all her crazy documented back then, went after her across multiple platforms, and she ended up deleting everything and claiming it was “his stans” that made it impossible for her to come forward which… no… she just didn’t actually HAVE anything, no proof, nothing. Meanwhile, all of their mutual friends unfollowed her, if not immediately then definitely in the years following. The only reason Bree drops his name anymore is because it’s the only way she stays even close to relevant. It’s not because he actually abused her, mentally, emotionally or otherwise… it’s because she’s a tinkerbell who can’t deal with it when she’s not the most important thing in someone’s universe and when that turned out to be the case with Cole, she threw a bunch of accusations at him, stalked his new girlfriend (Lili at the time) etc. But never EVER in all that did she produce an ounce of proof. No friends that sided with her. No texts. No nothing. Because none of what she claimed ever actually happened.

Fast forward to Lili and we have the same issue. If Lili was the victim of Cole’s horrible emotional abuse… she’d put his ass on blast so fast. Lili has ZERO problem speaking her mind. She shit talks like it’s going out of style, and if she was the golden child of Riverdale, and was loved and adored by the producers and writers and RAS and the rest of the cast, and was the welcome wagon and all of the other stuff that her stans claim, if she went to ANY leadership and said “This is what happened, it was horrible, and I cannot be around my abuser like this” the CW would fire him. Or at least work to accomodate Lili if she was that beloved. Look at how fast they got rid of Ruby Rose on Batwoman when it turned out she was a nightmare behind the scenes? And she was the literal STAR of the show. And isn’t their narrative that the show leadership can’t stand Cole anyway (some of that is true, looking at you RAS and Ted especially, but that’s not because Cole is a nightmare to work with and more because KJ isn’t the fan favorite which, whatever)? Also if Lili DID get the network/show to give him the boot, which if he was abusive to her, she absolutely could, what would Cole do? Sue for breach of contract? When she should have mountains of proof after 3 years? When no doubt the show would’ve seen this behavior happening too? Like, what is their REASONING that Lili suffered and continues to suffer all of this grief that he’s supposedly causing her by flaunting Ari, etc? If she had proof, if anyone had seen all of this happening, they could’ve gotten him bounced in a heartbeat. Look at how fast ALL of Hollywood turned on Armie Hammer? Kevin Spacey’s accuser came forward 30 years after the fact, with almost zero proof and Hollywood cancelled him so fast. This isn’t the early 2000’s or even the early 2010’s anymore. It is 2021 and if Cole was really that horrible, people in the industry would know, and no one would work with him. But instead he’s still booking photography work, he’s still booking movies (two of them, Moonshot and Undercover), he’s inking deals with production companies. His past coworkers are excited to see him when they run into him on the street. Practically everyone who works with him says what a hard working professional he is (or they don’t say anything at all). His podcast that he helped produce and starred in won one of THE awards for podcasts, and is most likely getting a second season. And what has Lili done? Her poetry book was on the NYT Best sellers list for a week and then fell off. Chemical Hearts flopped HARD (to the point where she was recently pimping it MONTHS after it released). Covergirl filmed one commercial with her and did one print photoshoot with her, and then basically cut ties, having Lili put together her own photoshoots. Even if she didn’t buy her way onto PlusMinus or whatever it’s called, she still has 1 movie coming up and nothing else. Nothing even in the works that we know about. She’s the only one promoting Riverdale at all anymore because she has nothing else to fall back on. Honestly, the only reason she has pretty much any engagement anymore is because of her dog, who I actually think might be more popular than she is now. AND on top of all that, her recent whatever with Wallis apparently already has drama while Cole and Ari remain unbothered despite Ken and that other pap being dicks and all of the hate they Cari lobbed at them on a daily basis. Like, sorry Lili stans that she’s on the brink of irrelevancy, but if she had been abused and had her head fucked with like you all claim she has, she’d be lighting Cole up on social media because people would believe her, proof or no proof. Instead, she’s hanging with people who “only validate” her, including a toxic drunk bitch who basically trashed not only Cole but also Dylan at like, 3 in the morning all because Lili had to do a scene with her ex, and her mom who is KNOWN for feeding the fandom BS lies that she later gets caught out in. She’s trickling out a self-staged photoshoot because she hasn’t booked a real one in what? A year? She has 1 movie, and relies on her dog or breadcrumbing with another B-list actress to get her likes. I know its a tough pill to swallow for them and that’s why they’ve doubled down on the crazy so hard lately, but honestly it’s just sad now. There’s zero proof that Cole is anything they say, and if there was proof, Bree and especially Lili would be shouting it from the rooftops, but it doesn’t exist. There IS plenty of proof that Lili has zero work lined up, and a new drama filled relationship, and toxic friends (and that she cheated on Sam to be with Cole… something else they have absolutely NO PROOF of Cole doing). Sucks to be them I guess.

Even their concept of “abuse” consists of “Cole moving on and living his best life/OMG Cheater!!!”

And the latter applies to Lili, not Cole....

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 3 years

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I’m disappointed that no member of 1D has shown any support for the racist attacks against the English team. Louis has had no problems celebrating on and off social media including going to Wembley, Liam and Harry attended matches and Liam posted on SM, even Zayn had time to tweet about dirty Italians. So what if Niall isn’t English and didn’t participate, he could have said something. Every English personality spoke up in some way, and these boys (esp Louis), remained noticeably mute.

Oh anon. I'm trying to imagine the logic that goes into thinking something like this is useful and what model of racism and anti-racism you'd have where sending this ask to someone else is something that would make sense. There are really moving community actions of solidarity taking place. There are also really important points being made by black public figures (I want to emphasise Leigh-Anne from Little Mix and Tyrone Mings for slightly different reasons).

But rather than amplifying those, your analysis involves watching the clock, reducing anti-racism to what's said on social media, and once you've decided the windows closed declaring people bad and wrong. None of that has anything to do with anti-racism or fighting for liberation.

***********

What this sort of response does is reduce anti-racism to responding very quickly with public statements on social media to certain high profile events. And I want to break down why I think demanding more quick public statements from people with lots of followers is not going to help build a better world.

I don't think an environment where everyone is expected to make public statements about particular events is useful for progressive politics. I've thought a lot of the responses from people I follow on social media were great (more on the exceptions later), but I don't look at my social media and think 'there is a shortage of public opposition to racist attacks'. To me a vibrant anti-racist public life isn't that everyone feels obliged to talk about the very high profile events, but one where there's a culture of a wide range of people responding to a wide range of events. Even if I did want 1D members to talk more publicly about anti-racism (and I'm not at all convinced I do - after all Harry thinks MLK dream is being kinder to each other), it seems so odd to me to reduce it to one event that people shoudl respond to.

And I know that this is not how popular discourse looks at things - but there are lots of reasons why a person might be silent - and demanding people who aren't talking speak instantly doesn't do anything for progressive politics (particularly when they have a disproportionate access to an audience). I'm just going to explore one reason I think that now - and that's the harmful actions of everyone responding very quickly.

The expectation that people respond instantly leads to a lot of very reactionary (in the literal sense of being based in reaction) ideas being amplified and shared. In this case, one of the responses has been that I've seen a lot of social media where people demand that people provide ID before accessing social media.

Now I understand why people associated with 1D might be attracted to that idea, but it's a really fucked up demand to make in this context and if it has any impact it'll do harm. There are three reasons for this:

1. It's literally a demand for the hostile environment to be extended to social media. Most people without suitable forms of ID in the UK are migrants, and people with reason to fear contact with authorities. It's would result in the racist exclusion of certain types of people from the public sphere.

2. There are lots of well documented reasons why marginalised people use social media accounts that are not in their legal names, and why requiring ID would do most damage to marginalised people.

3. Most important, it is based on a complete lie about British racism. The idea that racism in Britain is mostly the action of anonymous accounts is fucking absurd. Marcus Rashford was abused by a maths teacher who used his own name. The Prime Minister and the Home Secretary have done all their racism under their own names, as do multiple newspaper columnists every day, and everything that is printed in The Sun. Promoting this lie about British racism does a huge amount of harm.

Not all instantaneous responses to high profile events are useful, some actively damage anti-racist organising. I've no idea why anyone would think asking for more of these sorts of instantaneous respones would help.

*********

I would like to end where I started, which is that in a moment of impressive and effective anti-racist sentiment and organising, your focus seems very odd to me (I'm aware that by answering this I'm responding to your focus and that's why I wanted to make sure I didn't end on that note). So here's what Marcus Rashford said.

#There's lots I coudl say #about the political culture that is created by the demand that everyone speak about a very narrow set of events instantaneously #but to me the most important point #is that it fetishises celebrities social media #(fetishises as in gives them a power they don't have)

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dogcopter · 4 years

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Jane is Lore 2020

Ok, here’s the round up of the ghost part of the situation with @keepbeachcitysafe and @keepbeachcityweird.

Theory: Ronaldo’s girlfriend Jane is the key to figuring out Rose Quartz is not gone, largely via a constellation of background clues. If that sounds ridiculous, I understand. I’m Ronaldo. Actually I’m not Ronaldo, but hopefully I’ll have a post about him too soon. I hope we can all have fun together tho

This post is very, very long and involves a lot of images. It will be confusing at first, but please entertain the thought and keep reading, and I hope it clicks into place. I may need to update it later.

Three sections for supporting evidence:

1. Restaurant Wars, Jane, KBCW/KBCS blogs’ interaction & contents

2. Astral projection/ghosts/fusions

3. Dogcopter secrets

Restaurant Wars Saga & Jane’s appearances

So Ronaldo has a blog at @keepbeachcityweird - he also published a book based on his blog called Keep Beach City Weird: You Can’t Hide the Truth!!!, which is available for purchase.

On April 23, 2014, Lion 2: The Movie airs. Jane appears for the first time working the ticket booth at the movie theater and sees Lion and the kids fight a killer robot. Dogcopter 3 is playing at the theater.

April 23, 2014, Ronaldo at Keep Beach City Weird also posts about seeing Dogcopter 3 at the movie theater, where the parking lot is a mess, presumably from Steven, Connie and Lion’s robot training fight.

He mentions “First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.”, but that’s less relevant to this particular post. The important thing is that he, like Connie, follows Dogcopter, who’s also associated with Jane. (We’ll get to Dogcopter’s appearances in SU in the last part of this once the context is established)

Ronaldo’s posts in general document specific events and details in his home Beach City, but that’s another post entirely.

Exactly a year later, Ronaldo on April 23, 2015 posted about receiving a mysterious letter, which might be from Jane because (beneath a great deal of smudging) it appears to call Ronaldo the CUTEST GUY EVER! (This isn’t crucial or anything, just noting it as one of our first Jane points).

I GOT A LETTER TODAY!!! But for some reason it was all wet and I can’t even tell what it says. Is it a love letter? Is it a death threat? Please tell me! I need to know if I should lock my doors or open my heart!

Jane also appears in Beach City Drift. After Beach City Drift, keepbeachcitysafe posts an episode reaction blog, on July 22 2016, and takes special notice of Jane.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm. So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

(Kevin’s Himitsu X12 is his car, in the middle there. We’ll come back to this and what KBCS means in a second.)

July 25 2016, Restaurant Wars airs, the third of Jane’s four appearances in SU. In this ep, Jane comes a long way to return Ronaldo’s Koala Princess DVDs, and catches Ronaldo with Kiki and is upset.

KBCS posts another episode reaction blog, pays attention to Jane again, and says they plan to message Ronaldo.

Ronaldo says he can’t do it because of his girlfriend. Ooo, he has a girlfriend, that’s pretty cool, you just know whats gonna happen next.

Ok so, Ronaldo’s, GIRLFRIEND, (imagine me saying that in slow motion) showed up at the worst possible moment.

Everything was back to normal. Except poor Ronaldo, I should sent him a letter to cheer him up. Seen ya next week.

Almost immediately the KBCS and KBCW blogs play out a little interaction online:

Ronaldo goes through some stuff.

No post today. If anyone needs me I’ll be at Brooding Hill… where I’ll be CRYING. I usually cry at Crying Canyon, but it’s closed right because of some flash flood warnings.

Then Ronaldo posts KBCS’s letter.

Note how KBCW caps this message so the name is clearly visible? It’s referring to Ronaldo’s bio:

It’s not very cheering...but things work out shortly thereafter. Jane likes one of Ronaldo’s posts and all seems well.

I think it’s going to work out you guys. Thanks for all your support.

After this, Ronaldo doesn’t post again until Rocknaldo several months later, and one last time after publishing his book.

That’s April 18 2017. The KBCW tumblr is never updated again. KBCS’s final post is not long after, Jul 4, 2017.

Finally, Jane makes a cameo alongside Ronaldo in the very last scene of Steven Universe Future, “The Future.”

Koala Princess, Astral Projection and Psychic Ghosts

So some interesting patterns come up when you connect the two blogs, the clues associated with Jane, and some understanding of Steven’s powers. Let’s revisit Keep Beach City Weird, a Ronaldo’s primary blog, and Keep Beach City Safe, which contains mysteries too big for this simple Dogcopter/Jane-hime lore post.

Keep Beach City Weird - Ran from September 2013 to April 2017, with a lot of posts made in October 2015 and July 2016.

Keep Beach City Safe - Ran from June 2015 to July 2017, with most posts in 2016 of course.

Let’s look at a timeline of posts. I’m going to call out things that we’ll connect to the Jane lore at the end.

Keep Beach City Weird: Ronaldo’s blog

Nov 1, 2013, days before Steven Universe first airs: KBCW’s first post is all about Astral Projection.

Astral Projection! The ability to travel outside your physical body and into other planes of existence!

I began to feel lightheaded and before I knew it, I was floating above my body. Amazing! I walked out onto the boardwalk in my new ASTRAL FORM, and you know what the weird thing was? Nobody even said hello to me. I was COMPLETELY INVISIBLE! I mean, usually nobody really notices me, but this was a different kind of not being noticed. This was not being noticed on another plane of existence - so I didn’t feel bad about it.Anyway, after being ignored in the arcade and Fish Stew Pizza, I got bored and I went back to the fry shop to re-merge with my body.

Astral projection is a power Steven demonstrates a number of times, and you’ll see among these posts that certain powers of Steven involving this stuff are called out by the blog.

Connie: What? Where are you? How are you...? Steven: I’m not sure, but I think it’s a classic psychic ghost type situation. Connie: Ah, of course! So, what’s the plan?

from Reunited

Steven: Oh man. I fell asleep and had this weird dream. I opened the door and Lapis was there, and- Pearl: Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Lapis is fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean. Steven: You’ve never had a dream before, huh? Pearl: Uh, I don’t think so.

from Chille Tid

August 28, 2014, Joking Victim, Ronaldo posts about ghosts. And an arsonist from about 150 years ago.

September 04 2014, Steven and the Stevens, Ronaldo posts about "cross dimensional travelers”

And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.

Not mentioning posts that don’t mention ghosts/astral projection/dimensions in some capacity, but in realtime Ronaldo liveblogs in response to episode events.

Ronaldo also answers some fan asks. On October 31 2014 after Keep Beach City Weird he answers this question about floaters with “BACTERIAL GHOSTS” in all caps, this one about his first encounter with the supernatural (the events shown in Horror Club, which aired February 12, 2015)

Nov 2014, Ronaldo posts twice about Watermelon Stevens and a review of the anime Soul Blaster, “Like every anime, Soul Blaster is about a high school student. Our hero is a cool dude, with even cooler hair named Kyosuke. He battles rogue spirits with the help of his Soul Blaster - which happens to be powered by the spirit of his deceased younger brother, Kettaro. “

On December 4, 2014 Ronaldo posts about Koala Princess, who will become important in this post when we get back to Dogcopter and Jane. Koala Princess is repeatedly used as a stand-in for talking about Steven’s journey. In this post Ronaldo says:

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok, so I just finished the final episode of Koala Princess and I don’t want to get too emotional on you guys but I CAN’T STOP CRYING! Koala Princess goes on a walkabout and enters dreamtime and finally MEETS HER KOALA MOTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! SLKDJFSDJ:FS

I’ve got so many feels! These feels are the real deals! On wheels! WHAT AM I SAYING?! I’M GOING CRAZY!!!

Lion 3: Straight to Video aired on the same day as Ronaldo’s post. In this episode Steven meets Dogcopter in a dream, and then sees his mother Rose Quartz for the first time - she speaks to him via a VHS tape.

After Alone Together, Ronaldo posts about Stevonnie, who is a fusion. He also gets stuck under a fridge for a bit after Future Vision in January 2015.

And I want TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THIS FRIDGE!

He posts like five times about it in the same day because he’s freaking out.

And also I want my body to be shot into space with a print version of my blog so an alien civilization can find me reconstruct my body and worship me.

On February 19 2015 after Winter Forecast, he posts about using time travel to fix bad decisions:

Sometimes I think about all the bad decisions I’ve made and how they’ve affected my life, and I wish I could go back in time and change them. But unless I can find a way to break into the Pentagon and steal a time bike, I’m just stuck with having regrets.

After Political Power Ronaldo claims glowsticks are filled with ghost blood.

Anyway, then stuff happens.

January 4 2016, after The Answer, Ronaldo posts about seeing Dogcopter 4 and shares the poster for it.

One interesting thing about the poster is that if you invert it and mess with the contrast a bit, a strange diagram appears on the left. A true mystery.

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”

Coming back to Dogcopter in a minute, but these are relevant details.

Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.

On Jan 5, Steven’s Birthday, Ronaldo posts about celebrating his birthday on a different date every year.

Every year, I celebrate my birthday on a completely different day. Why? To keep my birthdate a SECRET so that no clandestine government agencies can steal my identity!

July 2016, the saga with Jane and KBCS above happens. When he’s sad about Jane breaking up with him, the same day Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service comes out (in which Steven astral projects into Kiki’s dream), he listens to sad music.

Ugh, I wish I had some sad music to listen to at work. All I have is a playlist of video game soundtracks and some EVP recordings of ghost hauntings. I guess ghosts are sad. I’ll just listen to those.

But if you’re feeling happy, I do suggest listening to the “Go-Go Gorilla Go-Go Kart Racing” soundtrack. Some solid 16-bit J-reggae.

This post may partly be a reference to the Sadie Killer song G-G-G-Ghost, which is performed in The Big Show and wouldn’t air for a bit, but is also astral projection related.

Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. Can't you see that I exist? And I don't need an exorcist To let me out Look at me and I'll appear Why can't you see that I'm right here? That I'm right here? Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me? I think I might be A g-g-g-ghost. I'm calling you from the other side

Once Ronaldo has gone through grief and anger, he resorts to begging her to come back. This post is from July 28, the day Alone at Sea aired in which Jasper begs Lapis to return.

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. I was only pretending to date Kiki to defend my family’s honor, just as the Kanga-ronin did in Season 1, Episode 3!

Here is another Koala Princess reference. There are a couple SU references in the episode numbers in this post.

The events of Season 5, Episode 13 of KP was not what it seemed: for Steven Universe, this is Your Mother and Mine, in which Garnet tells a story told to her by Rose Quartz. It later turns out to be a false origin story to cover the truth that Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond.

Kanga-ronin pretended at something to defend family honor in Season 1, Episode 3, which in SU is Cheeseburger Backpack - where Steven buys a novelty backpack so he can carry things on missions to be useful for the gems, fails his first mission and pretends he’s fine. The events of this ep are later referenced in The Test.

Finally, Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle is a reference to Stevonnie’s vision in Jungle Moon, which is Stevonnie’s first interaction with Pink Diamond via a memory dream. In this dream, all was not as it seemed either.

Then the KBCW blog doesn’t post until Feb 2017, after Rocknaldo. A couple ghost and dream-y quotes from here:

In my searches for THE TRUTH, I’ve done a lot of listening. I’ve listened to haunted houses to hear ghosts from other dimensions. I’ve listened to radio signals from the cosmos for signs of alien life.

I’ve also learned that HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP. I didn’t sleep for 48 hours and I PASSED OUT FOR DAYS.

Ronaldo’s final post is an ad for his book, which comes out during a hiatus, and he references Koala Princess again:

I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!

Now let’s look at Keep Beach City Safe.

Keep Beach City Safe: [???]’s blog

For KBCS, I’m only going to skim to address ghost/astral projection related content that comes back to the business with Jane, Dogcopter, Koala Princess and Rose. The rest of this blog is a little too big for right now.

It’s interesting that KBCS seems to have mostly flown under the radar, but between the Jane arc and a couple other things I believe it to be legit. Suffice to say I’m treating it as real and you will see why in a minute.

For KBCS I’ll mostly mention which episode a post is associated with, but not the date like with Ronaldo’s.

KBCS’s reaction blog to Nightmare Hospital includes a couple relevant lines:

Where was the Gem M.? I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around! It was mom!

Don’t tell me It’s on the other side of the hall corner. That would mean it saw mo- Connie’s mom!

KBCS posts a blog between Too Far and The Answer, in which they review a number of events. (They post another blog about fusions in which they describe Garnet and Stevonnie’s components as well)

During the movie the TV just shut down and they were being chased around by a “ghost”. It was actually a gem stuck inside the house, making the house seem like it was possessed.

They also get pretty excited about Steven’s birthday.

Only a few more minutes until Steven’s Birthday!

Eeeeh! Only a few mins left until midnight. We finally get to learn about Garnet’s past! Are guys happy, I know I am. I can’t even express how happy I feel, but I’ll try. And I will not act crazy while doing it, Imma keep it cool. So it’s like Peace and Love had a son, and his name was Steven! Then Steven fused with Connie, who was the daughter of Happiness. And they formed Stevonnie, who was made of everything right within the universe!

On Steven’s Birthday they also post about the Dogcopter 4 movie.

I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

This clearly references Ronaldo’s post about Dogcopter having nine lives, but KBCS is a little more considerate about spoilers.

In KBCS’s “It Could’ve Been Great” post, they’re still talking about Steven’s birthday. There’s a promo image attached as well.

To start things off I just wanted to say: I did see Steven turn into a baby? And I would also like to say: DID YOU SEE STEVEN TURN INTO A BABY!?!?

So, by now your probably wondering what the second image is aren’t you? We clearly it’s a pic of Rose holding a cupcake candle.

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party. Happy Birthday from all of us at KBCS. Hope you like it.

Future Vision reference. (Some of this is less relevant to the Jane thing but I’m pulling quotes that are related to fusion and stuff in the hopes it gets clearer)

This reminds me of the time that Garnet gave Stevens her future vision. I don’t know what happens exactly, but I think you see what’s going to happen in the future hence the name future vision. Being able to see into the future would be awesome, yet terrified at same time.

There’s a great post about Pie Day - in fact, KBCS posts about Pie Day a few times. They call out Pearl, too, which reminds me of a certain prolific fandom video editor’s handle.

You know who else knows about Pi. Pearl, but also Peridot.

Pearl Doesn’t Like Pie. Happy Pie Day!

This is not a good photo of Pear let’s see if we can find a better one. Now that’s better.

Sorry for the tangent. Let’s talk koalas now.

KBCS posts about The New Lars. They have thoughts about Steven’s ability to hop into other bodies, namely the question of whether Rose could do this as well.

Steven is worried that Lars isn’t being truthful about his feelings. So through his dreams, Steven jumps into Lar’s body, and trys to make his life better. But he only makes things worse.

Steven somehow possessed Lars’s body through his dreams. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again, we have a word for it now: Dream Possession. But he can also enter dreams.

He did it with Lapis, the Watermelon Stevens, and now Lars. That’s one gem, one sentient plant, and one human. Well with lapis he was merely communicating with her. This, new power, is seems to activates itself whenever Steven wants to help someone, but can’t because something getting in the way. Could this be a power passed down from Rose, or is this a power he himself posses?

#koala vs sloth

in The New Lars, koalas come up twice. Koalas in SU are associated with Steven’s astral projection powers. Remember how Koala Princess met her mother in the dreamscape?

Steven: For your consideration...The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "Hanging Around Doing Nothing" mammals!?

Steven in Lars’ body: Whatcha doing? Hanging out? Buck: Yeah. Steven: That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like koalas or sloths? Uh, I'm asking for Steven.

Steven: Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a koala and a sloth.

From The New Lars. Steven references koalas three times.

KBCS gets to Beach City Drift. They take notice of Jane and of Kevin’s car.

Hey did you guys notice that girl that keeps appear. We saw her when Steven took Connie to the movies and now she’s here. I wonder if she’s involved in something. Hmmmm.

So Stevonnie raced Kevin down the hill in his Himitsu X12, that’s secret in Japanese.

So while we’re back on the subject of Jane, here’s something interesting about Dogcopter and the Himitsu X12. They both show up in advertisements together in the background of Empire City.

Mr Greg

Same Old World

This is what KBCS is talking about - Dogcopter has a secret.

For Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, KBCS has more to say about dreams.

She has a nightmare and Steven, coincidentally, falls asleep after eating and enters Kiki’s dream. Now Steven The Dream Warrior, must help Kiki battle her dream, and finally end this nightmare once and for all.

Steven, who for some reason keeps going into people’s dreams, goes into Kiki’s dream.

Steven fought for about week, and he’s was tired by day four. And we know from experience that a sleepless Steven, is a cranky Steven.

This is the same power Steven used in Chille Tid. and look who showed up again?

After Monster Reunion airs, KBCS posts a liveblog and includes a far-fetched accusation that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond.

Think about it! A Diamond should have access to all gem controlled tech, right. And if Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond, which she is, then she should be able to too, right. And Steven has Rose’s gem. So now Steven can access gem tech. And one more thing to prove this theory once and for all.

But there’s one thing that doesn’t add up. Rose Quartz… is a Quartz. How could she be a Diamond?????? Maybe I’m wrong, she could have been just working along side Pink Diamond. Maybe this just a crackpot theory about the impossible. I don’t think gems can turn into different gems? who knows, I guess we’ll find out sooner or later.

When KBCS gets to Crack the Whip, they take note of Lion and tag him thrice:

Crack the Whip! Is it just me or is that foreshadowing?

Oh, did I mention that Lion was there. He was just there, when Connie opened the door, he walked up and just started hanging. It was so cool! It was like, Just Lion Things 2! So the snack break, that takes the whole day, ends at the beach, where the idea originally began.

Amethyst faces off Jasper, gem to gem, while Steven and Connie, and don’t forget Lion, fight the corrupted gem.

Lion was keeping the Gem Monster busy while all of this was happening. I was so stunned when Steven and Connie fused, without doing a fusion dance! How well they worked, together, they rode on Lion, and defeated Jasper, and poofed the Gem Monster all at the same time!!!

#just lion things 2 #lion fights #lion still fights

There’s also a weird Google Slides slideshow connected to the KBCS account, which includes this image featuring Lion, Tiny Floating Whale, (and Connie and Greg) and the word TRUE with Steven’s affirmative!

More Koala Princess

Two more Koala Princess references - although only one is immediately relevant -

In Gemcation, Ronaldo keeps texting Steven about Koala Princess. Steven’s lockscreen is a selfie with him and Lion.

Also, as a sidenote, Koala Princess is implicated in sneople trolls on anime message boards.

Dogcopter

These are just the Dogcopter appearances (Thanks to SU wiki as well as my brain) Dogcopter fights robots in at least one timeline, and the book is allegedly really long. Bold Dogcopters are the pink dogcopter, everything else is an ad or grey.

Lars and the Cool Kids - Poster

Lion 2 - The movie they all go see.

Lion 3 - Gives Steven advice.

Chille Tid - Shows Steven how to find Lapis. Meows. (Dogcopter’s parents are cats.)

Same Old World & Mr. Greg - Advertisement

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service - flies Steven away.

In Dreams and Growing Pains (Note this is grey Dogcopter) - Flies away in Stefan’s nightmare, proposes to Drew the driver (or at least offers them something) in the Dogcopter 6 Till Death Do Us Bark I Now Pronounce You Man and Woof trailer.

Snow Day - Pupcopter, a spinoff for babies.

And for Steven’s Birthday - Connie points out a Dogcopter constellation.

Astral Projection

Another quick summary. I’ve written a lot on this psychic ghost stuff so check my blog if you want the tags, idrc. Summary of astral projection powers Steven has shown:

Leaving his body (Reunited, Escapism)

Possessing other bodies (New Lars, Escapism, SWI)

Traveling to others’ dreams (Kiki’s Pizza, Chille Tid)

Interacting with fusion components within the fusion’s mind (Chille Tid, Mindful)

Regarding KBCS’s question of whether Rose could have done this, it doesn’t seem impossible - and as of Fragments and Homeworld Bound, we know that Gems don’t die when they are killed. (Lol.) That is, the personality/soul can appear in the same gem if it’s shattered and repaired. And Steven’s mom’s gem is perfectly intact, inside him.

Literally what is the point of all this

So after KBCS and KBCW spent so long talking about astral projection, ghosts, dreams, fusions, etc etc. they never actually got to the point - just pointed us in the direction of a bunch of clues that

Rose Quartz isn’t gone.

Obviously. She’s in his gem in him, like Lapis and the mirror, or the lighthouse gem. She uses astral projection to help Steven in his dreams as well as see him in Rose’s room, like other fusions speak in the mindscape. (There’s a lot more to this but this is enough to ask anyone to wrap their head around atm)

She also interacts with him through other bodies, the same way Steven takes over Lars’ body, or the Watermelon Stevens.

Remember this?

We, here at Keep Beach City Safe, thought that Steven would’ve liked to have his mom at his birthday party.

Who came to Steven’s birthday in which Connie points out that Dogcopter constellation?

Who gave Steven advice when he wished he could talk to his mom?

Who showed Steven where to find the tape?

Who else could have asked Steven, “What do you want” in Susan Egan’s voice?

(Why did they choose to hire Susan Egan to voice a cameo in Under the Knife in the first few seconds of Fusion Cuisine, where she says “It’s my son!” while Lion is onscreen)

Or reassured him that Rose’s tape was telling him the truth?

Who first brought him to Pink Diamond’s moon base?

Who knew where Rose’s armory was and how to train with it? (Note the giant penny)

Who showed Steven the location of Pink’s fallen palanquin?

Who found Rose’s lost scabbard?

and knew where Pearl would run to when she’s upset?

Who (reluctantly) brought Steven to the landfill and Pink Diamond’s ship?

Who showed him how to find Malachite?

Twice?

Who showed him how Pink Diamond tried to stop the Earth’s colonization, and who to ask for the truth?

Who tried to entertain him on Mask Island when he was trapped on Homeworld?

And then rescued him from the open sea?

Who showed Stevonnie the password to Yellow Diamond’s moon base?

Much like Koala Princess’ vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed.

So yeah Rose is Lion 2020. Thanks for reading this extremely long nonsense.

Also thanks to @babybeetlebongos for both mindscape lore and fixing Ronaldo’s cheek in the banner image, lol. I made a Twitter thread about this as well (and the more in depth Lion and astral projection theory threads are quoted at the top, if you need them. the #mindscape deeplore 2020 tag/tags on this post have stuff too.)

#steven universe theory #steven universe future #su theory #steven universe #rose is lion 2020 #mindscape deeplore 2020 #jane lore 2020 #kbcs lore #dogcopter #lion the mood #rosedemption 2020 #would you believe this isn't even the deep part of the rabbit hole??? im tired tho #i hope i left enough info for others to get into KBCS if anyone cares #i love this fool rose quartz

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scenes-in-between · 3 years

Text

Hellbound

“You ever visited Novi before?” “No, I never have.”

Monica can feel Van Allen’s gaze on her back as she continues toward the car. It’s unsettling, but she resists the urge to look back over her shoulder; she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he’s unnerved her.

It’s not clear what exactly his deal is. Certainly he wouldn’t be the first small town detective with a chip on his shoulder about the FBI coming around to ask questions. Nor would he be the first man she’s encountered who thinks women don’t belong in law enforcement. But it feels like something more than that; the energy coming off him is dark and almost predatory. Monica learned long ago not to ignore those energies and impressions, even (or perhaps especially) when they are at odds with the way things appear on the outside.

When she rounds the front of the car and reaches for the driver’s side door, she lets herself look up again. Van Allen is still watching her, but to her relief, John exits the church just then, and the detective turns toward him instead.

“What’d I tell you?” he says. “Waste of time.”

John glances across the driveway at Monica before responding. “A man was murdered, Detective. Now he might not have been a Boy Scout, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do what we can to find his killer.”

“Funny. I would’ve thought the FBI had bigger things to worry about than why some low-life nobody got himself killed. You must be real busy if you go chasing after every little thing that comes your way.”

The sneer in Van Allen’s voice gives Monica a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Victor Potts didn’t just piss somebody off in a bar fight and end up shot,” John says. “Even you have to admit the way he died was pretty unusual. I haven’t seen something like that since I was working a lot of gang cases, and I wouldn’t think you get a lot of that kinda activity out here in Novi.”

Van Allen shrugs. “A little here and there. This isn’t exactly South Central. But it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots and figure out Potts probably made himself some enemies in prison. You drove here from D.C. yourself, Agent Doggett. You know the city’s not all that far away.”

It’s not lost on Monica that this is, essentially, the very same argument John made last night. She’s grateful, then, that he doesn’t simply agree with the detective now.

“Maybe so,” he says. “Maybe there’s something else goin’ on. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not close a case based solely on an assumption of the facts.”

Instead of answering, Van Allen turns his head to look right at Monica, sending another chill down her spine. “Well, it looks like your partner is waiting for you, Agent Doggett. I wouldn’t want to keep you from your important work.”

Monica breaks eye contact, not even caring in that moment if it makes her look weak; she can’t bear another second locked eye-to-eye with him. She opens the car door, sits down inside, and puts the key in the ignition, not looking up again until John gets in the car.

***

Doggett reaches for his seatbelt as Monica starts the car.

“Thank you,” she says quietly.

“For what?”

“I know you think Van Allen’s right, that Victor Potts probably just got on someone’s bad side, maybe while he was in prison. But I appreciate that you’re willing to see the case through anyway.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Since when do you need to thank me for doing my job? Now I might not understand what it is about this particular case that’s got you all tied up in knots, but I meant what I said to Lisa Holland in there, that there’s justice to be served. Regardless of whether or not he’s right, Detective Van Allen clearly hasn’t done his due diligence, and you know that sort of thing is never gonna sit well with me.”

She looks over at him, smiling, before turning her attention back to the road. “And that’s one of the reasons you’re not just a good agent, but a good man, too.”

“Well, no need to act all surprised,” he says, and she laughs.

He has to admit, though, that he’s still puzzled as to why they’re on this case at all. Lisa Holland said that Monica contacted her about it, not the other way around, as Doggett had assumed.

“Tell me something,” he says. “If Lisa Holland wasn’t the one who contacted you about this case, how did you find out about it?”

He sees her shoulders tense. “I… I read about it.”

“What, over the wire?” he asks, frowning. “Talk about a needle in a haystack. Were you looking for something in particular or what?”

“No, it’s more like… this case found me.”

He waits for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t say anything more. She gets like this sometimes, clearly holding something back, but he knows it’s not because she’s trying to keep the upper hand or keep him in the dark about something important.

No, when she gets like this, it’s because she’s afraid of looking foolish.

Doggett can’t honestly say he buys a lot of the stuff that she talks about, feeling “energies” and that sort of thing. But he knows Monica is a good agent. She’s smart and cares a hell of a lot more than most people. So it doesn’t matter, most of the time, if she wants to believe in auras or ghosts or whatever. More often than not, they end up on the same page by the time a case is closed, even if they don’t agree on how exactly they got there. No matter how this case ended up on her radar, it’s here now, and he’ll see it through.

Would’ve been nice if she could’ve waited until morning to bring him in on it, though. He stifles a yawn.

“Well, where do you want to go next with this? Back to the office to run backgrounds, or is there anything else in Novi you think we should check out first?”

“I think backgrounds are the logical next step, yes,” Monica says, nodding. “We need to know more about Potts’s connections, in prison and otherwise. I’ve also asked Dana to look for any cases with a similar M.O. or cause of death.”

“You think there’s a chance we’re looking for someone who’s done this before and was never caught?”

She’s quiet a moment, then says, “I think it would take a certain type of person to do something like this. Not just the cruelty of it, but the precision. This is someone who has either done this before, or they’ve been planning for a long time, maybe after they saw someone else do the same thing.”

The precision, Doggett has to admit, is the one thing that has given him pause. Sure, he’s seen skinnings before, but they’ve generally been rushed, sloppy, and more often than not, inflicted after death. Whoever killed Victor Potts was skilled, and patient, more interested in prolonging the victim’s torture than just leaving a threat to some rival gang.

“Yeah, you may be right,” he says. “Last thing we’d want is for this to be someone just getting started.”

He sees a shiver go through Monica. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” she says quietly.

***

Background checks are tedious even under the best circumstances, but by early afternoon, Monica can see that the tedium combined with the lack of sleep is really taking a toll on John. His eyes keep drifting closed, and he’s had the file on his desk open to the same page for the last fifteen minutes.

As much as she hates to admit it, they aren’t making much progress. Even sustained as she has been by caffeine, adrenaline, and nicotine gum, Monica knows that the sleepless night is starting to catch up with her, too. She wants to solve this case -- needs to solve it -- but sheer force of will is only going to get her so far.

“Okay,” she says, clicking ‘print’ on the document she’d been reading, a report about potential instances of death premonitions. “I think we’ve hit a point of diminishing returns here. I say we take some work home with us and call it a day.”

John looks up. “You go on ahead. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m in any shape to get behind the wheel of my truck right now. I’ll grab a nap here and head home a little later.”

Guilt hits her then. If he’s willing to freely admit that he’s too tired to drive safely, he must be completely exhausted. And it’s her fault. This case is important, yes, but did she really need to haul him out of bed in the middle of the night to come look at Victor Potts’s body, or could it have waited until morning? It had felt critical and urgent in the moment, but now she’s not so sure.

“You know what? I have a better idea. Come with me. My apartment is all of ten minutes away, and my couch is way more comfortable than the floor in here.”

“It’s fine, really, I just need--”

“Please, John. I owe you. Let me buy you dinner to make up for dragging you out of bed in the middle of the night. After we’ve both had some rest, I’ll get something delivered.”

He opens his mouth like he’s about to argue more, then pauses. “Yeah, all right. Gotta admit, that sounds pretty good to me.”

She smiles. “Let’s go, then.”

#x-files fanfic #txf: hellbound #monica whalesong reyes #john doggett #a/n: i forgot how gross this episode is #rewatching it while eating lunch was not the best choice #:]

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imo-chan-imagines · 4 years

Text

『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 2 』

· Sept. 26th → One Ball, Heart and Soul ·

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Testurou Kuroo, Bokuto Koutarou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru, Terushima Yuuji

Prompts: A. favourite position/role + B. travel/journey

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), PG, fluff, crack, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020

A/N: I found it so hard to pick a favourite position/role, because they're all so interesting and important, and I love everyone 😭 But I settled on the role of captain because of the headcanons I thought of. Captain Sqaud, assemble! So, want to find out what these boys are like on a road trip?

(Just to be clear, I do love all these guys. None of this is hate 😂) All my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts will be SFW, but I have some NSFW stuff on my blog, too. Feel free to check that out~ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ Imo~

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Dad-chi™

Comes prepared with all the food, drinks, snacks, med kit, camera – literally everything you could possibly need on a road trip

Plans out the route beforehand down to the tiniest detail nothing gets past this man

As well as multiple backup routes in case there's diversions etc.

Plans for regular breaks at two-hour intervals where everyone can pee, stretch their legs, buy anything they need, etc.

He's the one who's driving he's not letting anybody else get a scratch on his van, lmao

And he's good at it

No speeding he's a cop, y'all but he doesn't dawdle either, no running red lights, turns corners well, keeps an even foot on the gas, etc.

Just a good time, tbh

Nobody is getting car sick because of him that would be a damn disgrace

"Stop fighting right now, or I'm turning this van around"

And will actually do it if you don't stfu, lmfao

Don't even think about making a mess and dropping your rubbish in the van you'll be walking home

Everyone else thinks his music is boring and for old people, but Daichi honestly doesn't care

Besides, it's either that or no music at all, because he needs to concentrate on the road

He takes this shit seriously. People's lives are in his hands, dammit!

☆ Testurou Kuroo ☆

Likes to switch between driving and riding shotgun/being designated navigator

Is fairly decent at both

Is constantly eating something but, like, he probably doesn't even know what it is

Some kind of edible is shoved towards his mouth by whoever's riding shotgun, and in it goes shut up. Not like that, you cretins 😂

Somehow manages to behave like an overbearing grandparent and an overexcited child at the same time?? Nothing new there, I guess 😂

I'm sorry, Kuroo, I love you. Please don't be mad 😭

Has a banging playlist full of throwback songs from the 90s and early 2000s

Drums along sofly on the steering wheel or dashboard constantly

HATES driving in rain he's low-key terrified he's going to aquaplane

Likes driving with the windows wound down and feeling the wind in his hair

Will plan the route, but then forget to save it/print it off, etc.

Cannot work Google Maps or SAT-NAVs to save his life Kenma, please help him

Actually packs properly balanced meals, but is heavy on the snacks, too

You'd think he'd drive too fast, but he's actually really responsible

Constantly telling dad jokes to try and keep people amused the groaners are the best

Would probably fight someone at the gas station if they started being a dick and causing trouble

Kuroo, baby. I love you, but please don't get arrested 😭😂😭

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Dear God, do NOT let him drive leave it to Akaashi, I'm begging you

Has really bad spacial awareness in a vehicle and drifts all over the place

Probably speeds without even knowing it, too

Likes to ride shotgun, but is a terrible navigator, so is nearly always made to ride in the back

Is the loud one that moves around too much and blocks the rear view mirror strap him in tight, Akaashi

Belts along at the top of his voice to whatever music is playing, he's not fussy

Was told to pack essential items in his backpack and proceeded to fill it with sweets and snacks and a pack of condoms??? and thought he did good

Bokuto: Bro, you said they were essential

Akaashi: NOT FOR EVERY SITUATION

Rarely ever has to pee, but when he does, it's always miles away from any service station, and he has to hold it for hours

Has definitely peed at the side of the road multiple times because he couldn't hold it any longer, but he wasn't even embarrassed as numerous cars zoomed past

Likes sticking his head out the window like a dog on the motorway which gives everyone else heart attacks

Like, get the hell back inside you maniac 😭

If the car has a sunroof, he's 100% standing up through it with his hands in the air just you try and stop him

And they will. Everyone will try

"HORSES!!"

Will get out of the car in traffic jams to find out what's going on and end up chatting with random strangers until it starts moving again

And he's very sad when he has to leave his new friends. Droopy hair and emo Kou for the next 2 hours :(

Unironically enjoys playing 'I Spy' for hours at a time

Is a bit much to handle in such a confined space for hours on end, but he's just so excited for the road trip

Will fall sound asleep in a matter of minutes if you set him up with a travel pillow and it's freaking adorable!!

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

No music whatsoever it's distracting. Why would he want it?

Okay driver, brilliant paper-map navigator

Will sit and do absolutely nothing but stare out the window the entire trip if he's neither

Breaks too hard and accelerates too fast, though

Is also kind of heavy-handed with the gear stick he may or may not have snapped one off before...

Never give him a SAT-NAV, though, because he will follow the directions with 100% accuracy and end up driving through a wall or some shit don't try and deny it

Does he ever even blink when he's looking at the road? We may never know

Might be astral projecting, who knows

Forgets people need toilet breaks but refuses to make unscheduled stops

"Just hold it in"

Uh-huh, sure. That's how that works, Toshi

No snacks

Or rather, no fun snacks. Protein bars and mineral water all the way, babyyyy 🙃🙃🙃

Could probably drive all through the night without taking any breaks but that's irresponsible

Don't do it, kids

Will likely devour the entire KFC menu at the service station he's big, okay? He eats a lot

Is prone to leg cramp after long drives oh look, he needs a massage 😏

Doesn't get car sick. Ever. Upset stomachs are for the weak

Has garbage and recycling pouches on the backs of the front seats use them correctly, or feel his wrath

Isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but it's somehow endearing just like always *happy sigh*

But it's actually a good thing

There's no hidden side to Ushi or any bad or annoying habits that come out of the woodwork on a long road trip

He's just the same old reliable, adorably straightforward Ushijima ❤

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Calls shotgun and demands the aux cord every. Single. Time but it's pretty decent music, so no-one really complains

Not that he's any good at navigation pray for Iwa-chan

Is constantly taking selfies, making TikToks, and documenting the trip on his social media

#ROADTRIP #SQUAD GOALS #BETTER THAN YOU

Will send all the photos in the group chat when it's over, and they actually come out pretty well

Will not stop complaining if the air conditioning is busted and Iwa-chan will threaten to dump him in the middle of nowhere if he doesn't can it 😂

Iwa-chan: I shoulda left you on that street corner where you were standing

Oikawa: But'cha dIDN'T

Bonus points if you get that reference, lmao

Has to keep taking breaks because his butt hurts when he sits down for too long because it's fLaT

I'm sorry, Tooru 😭😭 Forgive me. I love you, really

Is constantly on his phone

But he points out pretty views and interesting sights to everyone all the time awww

Low-key needs to pee all the time, but gets defensive if someone brings it up please stop bulling him, travelling is hard

"Are we there yet?"

Seems kind of annoying, but is actually just genuinely excited to go on a road trip and spend time with his friends 😭😭

Buys matching souvenirs for everyone in secret to surprise them with 🥺

When people complain about all the photos, souvenirs, and enthusiasm, etc. and ask why he has to keep doing it, Oikawa says:

"I want to remember as much of this as possible. I want us all to remember as much of this as much as possible," with a sweet little smile 😭😭😭

And that's when everyone realises how mean they've been to him about being over-the-top and irritating, and they all feel terrible

Just like in the freaking anime, man

☆ Terushima Yuuji ☆

Will hijack the aux cord to play his incredibly niche music taste

Feet up on the dashboard when he rides shotgun

Shoes on is bad enough, but shoes off just stinks up the entire car you have to roll all the windows down, lmfao

Will break all sorts of road laws if you let him behind the wheel please don't

Daichi will come and arrest him 😭😭

Lives on energy drinks

That's all the drinks he packs. Nothing else

Travels in sports wear and sliders yes, even though you reallly shouldn't drive in sandals

Like he knows or cares 😭

Will chat to girls at the gas station and ask for their numbers, even though he's never going to see them again

"You never know, man! It could be, like, fate or something"

Yes, Yuuji, you do. And it's 'or something'

Thinks it's a good time to sext his current booty call because, like, he has hours of free time. What else is he going to do?

Probably forgot to pack actual food

Has to live off of snacks and cheap service station food for the duration of the trip

But not his own snacks, of course. Everyone else's one doesn't keep friends and buy one's own snacks

Genuinely doesn't realise if he's being gross or annoying, so let him down lightly like a bro and he'll probably make an effort to stop

Doesn't plan the route or anything, even if he's driving. Just punches it into Google Maps as he sits his ass down on the day and trusts it to get him there in one piece and on time

Entire Johzenji team: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

For some reason knows how to change a flat tire, though, so he's good for something, I guess 😂😂

Probably saw a YouTube video on it. Maybe a WikiHow article

Somehow still manages to be an endearing part of the trip??

He smiles a lot and makes a lot of jokes, particularly when things go wrong, so it keeps everyone's spirits up

It definitely wouldn't be the same without him

#imo chan imagines #haikyuuweek2020 #haikyuu!!#hq!#headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sawamura daichi #tetsurou kuroo #oikawa tooru #ushijima wakatoshi #terushima yuuji #sawamura daichi headcanons #testurou kuroo headcanons #oikawa tooru headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi headcanons #terushima yuuji headcanons #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou headcanons

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thekidultlife · 4 years

Text

The Most Convenient Escape | Jihoon Soulmate!AU (5)

⍟ Pairing: Jihoon x fem!reader

⍟ AU: Fantasy/ Soulmate AU

⍟ Genre: ANGST, SLOW BURN, fluff

⍟ Warnings: mentions of abuse, drinking, and sex

⍟ Word Count: 8.5k

⍟ Synopsis: For all your life, you have a deep disdain towards Soulmate Bonds, so much so that you are able to write opinions about it in a local newspaper. However, as life would have it, you wake up one day bonded to a person you hardly knew. Throwing in an investigation, annoying roommates, and a revolution looming just beneath the surface, you had to seek for the most convenient escape.

⍟ A/N: So on to the next chapter! This is probably the longest I’ve written for this series! Anyway, please excuse my tarot reading skills, my knowledge is only limited to watching pick a car readings in youtube and google. Now that’s out of the way, please enjoy! -Hyeri

⍟ Taglist: @shoshishua, @woozisnoots (I also want to thank @minkwans and @oprandomfeels for leaving such a nice messages on the tags in the previous chapter!! I dont want to sound creepy but i do comeback to them if i needed motivation to write! so thank you!!)

CILVEKAN ESPIONAGE TURNS PARLIAMENT INTO A BATTLEFIELD by Jeon Wonwoo and Kwon Soonyoung

The Porta Persa Edition, October 12th

Words that break like cannon shots, arguments that burn like incendiaries, bulwarks of statements that are hardly impenetrable—such is a terrifying and impressive sight to behold upon the ancient halls of the Parliament in these last few weeks. The fate of the two Cilvekan agents who were previously caught in Lower Efendel had been a divisive force upon the venerated legislative body of our nation; rendering them into a heated stalemate.

Armed with wit and sound proofs, Conservatives led by Atlen County Representative Kang Jinho campaigned for stringent travel restrictions, as well as a thorough examination of all Cilvekan nationals entering and leaving Porta Persa. He contends that the security of this powerful nation must not be compromised for simple material gains.

Pointing an accusing finger at the trading and tourism industry which has seen immense growth in profits due to the inflow of foreign immigrants and visitors into the country, Conservatives have been critical of lax travel regulations over the years in which they view, as in Rep. Kang’s words, as a means for ‘alien entities’ to ‘wreak havoc in this peaceful land’ and ‘further their covert operations to diminish and weaken the stability of Porta Persa’. According to Rep. Kang, it is rightfully so that sacrifices are to be made to ensure that no foreign powers would dare to assert their influence over this country.

On the other side of the argument lie Santaragossa Assembly Representative Lee Jihoon, the flagship of both Libertarians and Moderates on this matter, who, with his rapid fire responses, have advocated for softer regulations and an extensive counterintelligence program instead.

In his speech to Congress today, Rep. Lee disputes that economic factors are hardly simple, and should not be diminished into mere ‘increase of gains’. In his words ‘There are people who, if harsher travel restrictions are thus placed, will be left for wild dogs to eat, for the weather to beat and rattle their bones on the cold earth. With no means of a livelihood to provide for themselves, what will become of them? For us who have a roof to sleep in, and food on the table to eat, it is easy for us to say that travel restrictions are a minor inconvenience. Yet for these people, harsher travel restrictions are equivalent to a death sentence.’

He further advocates for a better counterintelligence program wherein proper and stronger defenses are to be implemented only at the appropriate areas, as this is not only cost effective, but also ensures that the livelihood and the human rights of all people in Porta Persa, whether be citizen, immigrant, tourist and whatnots are protected and venerated…

◇

“Lee Jihoon was truly frightening during that session. I swear to god, sitting there feels like he’s attacking me personally.”

Unlike the usual, the three of you were not relaxing comfortably outside the lush courtyards of the Royal Academy, eating carefully prepared lunches and enjoying the view. Instead, late morning sunlight poured from the open windows, illuminating the wooden desk and chair you were sitting on, silently listening to your friends.

To your right, sat said friends: Wonwoo and Soonyoung who were fresh from the printers, the rancid smell of ink sticking to their regal school uniform. On Soonyoung’s hands was the freshly printed draft of your newspaper, which was to be released the next day.

He folded the newspaper and tossed it beside you on the desk.

“He’s been like that for what? A week now, I reckon?”

“Two, in my opinion.” Wonwoo answered, adjusting his glasses. He was the calmer kind of fellow. Soonyoung was more theatrical.

“Oh good god, it’s been two weeks already?” Soonyoung exclaimed, his lips ajar. “No wonder Y/N is here all the time!”

Wonwoo glanced at you, who simply turned away and faced the open window. “Why are you here exactly?”

You continued to grind Alizarin berries on your portable mortar and pestle with a nonchalant look on your face. “I’m making your allergy medicine.”

“Not yesterday and in the last few weeks,” Wonwoo retorted back, giving you an inquisitive look. “Now tell me, is it because of Lee Jihoon?”

Groaning, you continued to pour all of your irritation at the poor powdered berries in your mortar. “Must the reason always be Lee Jihoon?”

“Well, why are you here then?” Soonyoung shrugged, glancing at you with raised brows.

Exasperated, you sighed and left the mortar and pestle alone for once. In all honesty, the reason was indeed Lee Jihoon. After he saw your breakdown two weeks ago, you were avoiding him at all cost because you knew he was going to ask you about it and you were not one to divulge such sensitive topics.

Of course, you wouldn’t let them know. “The way my room looks is just nauseating.”

Soonyoung made an incredulous frown while Wonwoo snorted.

“Right.” They both said.

Having childhood friends has its own disadvantages: you couldn’t really hide anything from them. Yet you wouldn’t tell them anything for that matter. Your room was indeed nauseating, spinning around and around as your vision blur if you just stay in one position for far too long.The way your stomach churns and your legs buckle because of the amount of suppressants you were taking to block your soulmate connection was something you simply cannot express into words.

You stare at the red powder inside the mortar. The smell was making you lurch, reminding you of the suppressant, yet you expertly concealed it with a cough and a broad change of subject.

“Aren’t we supposed to go somewhere today?” you asked, adding more berries to the mortar.

“No, it’s on Friday, 3pm,” Wonwoo replied, checking his travel sized planner. “For some time, Soonyoung and I have been tracing documents from Luce Trading to see if they could give us some clues. But most of them inexplicably got lost or destroyed from last year’s flooding, but thankfully, Soonyoung found some in a novelty shop.”

Upon hearing, you quirked a brow at them. “That is quite interesting. It is possible that something important is in those documents, especially when they had deemed it necessary to destroy them. It seems like fortune is on our side today.”

Wonwoo nodded. “Exactly my thoughts.”

“I reckon, those documents can finally settle the question of who their actual victims are,” the other male remarked with a considerate nod. “We can actually take a step forward in this investigation!”

You forced a smile. Truly, you were elated but the way your heart was palpitating wasn't feeling that great to you. Wonwoo adjusted his glasses once more, a habit he has acquired whenever he was thinking of something.

"Quite frankly, I still haven't forgotten what Jihoon had told me a few months ago," he started, fidgeting with his hands. "And god knows if he's telling me the truth or throwing us off the scent."

"Oh that one..." Soonyoung exclaimed, nodding. You glanced at the two of them, looking betrayed.

"Why have I no knowledge of this?" You asked, eyes shooting daggers.

The two boys quickly exchanged glances and panicked.

"You haven't told Y/N?" Wonwoo asked the other male, who was beginning to pout.

"What…I thought you told Y/N!" He replied, pointing at you.

What seemed like a little misunderstanding was going to become a lot of bickering later on, so as you rolled your eyes, you put yourself between the two of them.

"Alright, enough. Just tell me what Lee Jihoon said," you spoke sternly, hands on your hips.

“It’s not as straightforward as you think,” Wonwoo recounted. “Jihoon kept going in circles about our newspaper, Alex Fireflower—”

“Me?” you exclaimed, furrowing your brow.

“Yes, you. And the Gestalt case,” Wonwoo continued, acknowledging you. “At first, I was under the impression that he was simply inquiring what my thoughts were with regards to the Gestalt case as a fellow classmate, yet as it turned out, he appears to be hinting that it was a suicide case.”

A bewildered look was what you gave him, not understanding how a blatantly homicide case could possibly be a suicide. “I need you to expound further than that.”

Your friend shrugged. “That’s where the problem lies. We know that the Gestalts might be involved in the sex trafficking ring due to the judicial records we’ve discovered before, yet to what extent is a matter we have no knowledge of.”

“Oh, yes, that tax evasion case filed against Luce Trading that was suddenly dismissed by court with no apparent reason…it seems malicious, yet I still doubt that it should be considered a connection to the syndicate” Soonyoung remarked.

“Those things usually happen yet everything involved in this case should be accounted for. Even including the possibility of it being a suicide,” Wonwoo continued.

“Yet logistically speaking, how can it possibly be a suicide?” You asked, clearly unconvinced. “Lee Jihoon is merely giving us chaff.”

“That is the reason why I cannot just stop thinking about it. It’s perplexing.”

“You’re just doing mental exercises, Wonwoo,” you dismissed him. “Trusting Lee Jihoon is definitely not advisable. He’s a politician. We might be unaware that he is in fact a part of that syndicate, and is simply playing cat and mouse with us.”

Wonwoo heaved a long sigh, leaning against the bedpost. “That, I won’t deny.”

“Rather than running on conjectures, we should proceed with the investigation instead,” Soonyoung interrupted solemnly. “We simply do not have the entire narrative.”

"I completely agree," you replied, leaning against the table as you go through another wave of stomach cramps with much composure. "Let's…lay out what we know first."

The two of them nodded at you, which you considered a signal to begin.

"So, we know that some government officials are involved in a sex trafficking scheme. Why do we know that?"

Soonyoung answered. "Because Wonwoo unintentionally eavesdropped a conversation between his father and a parliament member, who was trying to ask him to vote against the amendment of the Soulmate bond."

"He offered my father membership to the syndicate among other things…" Wonwoo quietly continued, perusing his thoughts.

"Right. We know that the Gestalt case is somewhat related to the syndicate. Why?"

"For one, that parliament member who had attempted to lobby for my father's vote was asking him to vote against the amendment which has stemmed from the Gestalt case. It could possibly be a stretch but we should not deny it."

Nodding, you continued. "And the fact that we had found out that Rene Gestalt had already died right after the High Court suspension. And had died under a different name and under a mysterious circumstance."

"If Rene Gestalt was a simple nobody, he wouldn’t have died in that manner," Soonyoung added. "And that tax evasion case shouldn't have been dismissed so easily."

"Luce Trading is more profitable than Kwon International, isn't it?" You asked, but Soonyoung immediately replied.

"Hey now! We had better sales for the past decade!"

You giggled, "Alright, my apologies."

"I still find it hard to fit the pieces though," Wonwoo interrupted. "Why Luce Trading? Why did Himi Gestalt die but not Rene? What exactly happened?"

The three of you exchanged glances.

"We need more information."

You leaned back, sighing as you felt the heaviness of the possible truth you have in your hands. Wonwoo and Soonyoung were pretty much the same. That’s why, more than anything, you didn’t want any sort of distraction, especially those that involve soulmate bonds.

“In the meantime, Y/N,” Wonwoo began, giving Soonyoung a look and then the two gazed at you with concerned expressions. “Are you truly, definitely, a hundred percent, alright?”

You knitted your brows, and immediately replied. “I’ve never been better.”

“No…! No, what we meant is…” Soonyoung was the one who responded. “You…you fought with your father, didn’t you?”

It was a sudden inquiry, you can admit that, but you were not at least surprised they had asked. Your father must’ve gone to Soonyoung’s father and then they informed him of the matter.

“A few weeks ago, yes,” you told them, nonchalant as you added more berries to the mortar. “I have decided to cut ties with him once and for all. He’s nothing to me now.”

You noticed that they were taken aback, but it was an expected reaction. The decision was indeed done in the heat of the moment, yet you didn’t feel anymore remorseful.

“You do not have to worry about me. I have you two, and our newspaper is doing quite well in sales,” you reassured them. “Cutting him off is simply removing dead weight off my shoulders.”

Without any warning, Soonyoung pulled you to a tight embrace and Wonwoo followed soon after. You simply stayed still in surprise, as they continued to console you silently, knowing that you didn’t need any words to make you feel better.

“Y/N, please know that we will always be here for you,” Wonwoo began. “We’ve been together since we were children, and we’ll always will be.”

“If you wish to get something off your chest, we are always here to listen. You don’t have to carry everything by yourself.”

You grimaced at this, but hid it easily by burying yourself underneath their embrace. You’ll tell them everything someday, but now, you simply wish to brave the storm by yourself.

“I will.”

◇

"Jihoon!"

Heavy footfalls echo across the marbled hallways of the Parliament. Rows of white columns line up on the curve, the view of Porta Persa easily seen with just one turn of a head.

"Jihoon, please wait for a moment!"

Harsh steps that march through with controlled frustration, and another set which was running after them. Nobody was on sight other than two men who were adorned by their heavy purple robes, billowing with the wind.

"Lee Jihoon!"

"What is it ?!" The other snapped, his eyes piercing and intense.

The Minister of Foreign Affairs sighed, his demeanor tinged with concern. The whole Parliament hearing was tense and unnerving, and Lee Jihoon seemed to be in the middle of the swirling storm.

"I simply wanted to see if you are doing well," Joshua offered, his voice calm, yet the other simply scoffed.

"What do you suppose?" he replied, his tone filled with frustration and sarcasm. "If we lose next week's vote, it'll be all over!"

Joshua reached out for Jihoon's shoulder, trying to help the other through his temper.

"Alright Jihoon, listen to me. We still have time. We can still convince the others to vote against the bill."

"But we need fifty more votes! Where in heaven's name are we going to find those?" He exclaimed and then groaned, resounding through the deserted hall.

"You need to calm down, Jihoon!" Joshua reminded, shaking some sense into him. "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill!"

The dark haired male blinked, stunned by the sudden loudness of his friend's voice. The high had finally subsided in his veins as he huffed and removed himself from Joshua's grasps.

"Jihoon…"

"I apologize. I'm simply exhausted," he replied, sighing as he turned his back to the other. "While this issue has been particularly draining, my soulmate bond is eating my energy away as well."

Joshua blinked, wondering what was the matter this time. They had left Jihoon in his dorm room that day as instructed, yet for some reason after that, he seemed to have become more snappish and gloomy.

Jihoon sighed once more, probably the nth time for today.

"She…she was crying when she arrived, you know. I have no inkling as to why but it did hurt me…seeing her like that," he continued, now more to himself than to Joshua. "I wanted to comfort her or do something, anything…but she pushed me away, both physically and mentally. It's been weighing on me since then."

Without a word, Joshua walked towards him and placed an understanding tap on his shoulder. "I wish I can offer you some help."

At this point, Jihoon simply shook his head with a downcast smile. "There is nothing we can do about it if she doesn't want me."

Those words, as he said it, felt more painful than he had anticipated. Yet that was the truth—she had blocked him, in more ways than one. Jihoon wished he knew why yet he had already spent enough sleepless nights on it that he didn't need more.

"In the meantime, it would be nice if we had those fifty votes before the weekend."

◇

Oct. 14th

Desmere District, Porta Persa

"So, it's here?" You asked, standing in front of a decrepit shop, flanked by two of your friends. "Are you sure it's here?"

You weren’t really one to judge but the way the roof shingles were about to fall, the dull green paint peeling off the door, and the dusty shop window filled by various junk accumulated over the years, was telling a rather clear story.

You could even hardly read the name of the shop.

“52nd Oppleton street, Esmond Novelty Shop….Yes, without a doubt this is the one!” Soonyoung replied cheerfully, grinning ear to ear, “Come on now! No time to waste!”

Wonwoo glanced at you with a knowing look as he followed after Soonyoung through the door. Today seemed to be one of those days where Wonwoo was in a rather irritatingly playful mood. “You heard him. No time to waste now, Y/N.”

It wasn’t new for you to be the victim of their teasing, but you didn’t appreciate it either when it comes. Thus, as you rolled your eyes and pursed your lips, you threw your hesitation out of the window. Following closely behind, you heard the charming bell chime above you as soon as you entered, yet the dust which wafted through the air was not as charming as you had feared.

“Welcome to our shop! Feel free to look around and see if anything suits your fancy!” A male voice greeted you three, though you cannot make out a clear image of him as he seemed to be covered by the centuries old dust.

“Ah, we’re actually looking for someone…” Soonyoung replied, fishing a piece of parchment inside the pocket of his vest. “Um…a Madame Adora?”

While the three of you seemed to be unsure, the tall burly man, which you have now seen after the dust has settled, nodded in understanding.

“Yes, yes. Please follow me. Her shop is at the back,” he replied and turned around, not waiting for you to respond.

Exchanging curious glances, you followed close behind—carefully studying your surroundings as you did. There were a lot of books for one. Stacks upon stacks of leather tomes piled on top of another which was rather deadly if one wrong move was made. The shopkeeper, seemingly used to this dangerous environment, easily navigated his way through the path provided.

There were a lot of miscellaneous items as well: old shoes, typewriters, some ornate desks which were long forgotten. Dirty porcelain dolls, dull grey candelabras, and even a baby grand piano covered with various knickknacks—essentially, this was a shop of extras: once loved, tossed away and buried under the sands of time. Their fate seemed to have given you a melancholic mood, yet there is little you can do to change it.

“Where do you find all of these?” Wonwoo asked, curious as he perused over an old book about outdated potions.

“There are numerous ways,” the man shrugged, dodging a stray pole which was protruding from a pile of junk. “Sometimes we buy them from people who move houses, sometimes they just give it to us, and some just find their way here.”

His words immediately reminded you of the thought that objects do have souls in them. They used to be someone’s important thing; they were once given meaning and context by the people who used to own them. This place had become their new home now, amidst the sea of other objects that were no different.

A light knock on wood snatched you from your thoughts as you averted your attention back to the matter at hand. The shopkeeper had stopped in front of a slightly ajar door, peeking carefully at the space.

“Madame, these people wish to speak to you,” he called out, yet he was met by silence and a rather loud creaking of a chair being moved. A grainy “let them in” soon followed, though you were not as sure since it was just above a murmur.

Nodding, the shopkeeper moved and allowed you space to walk inside the room. With rather modest postures, the three of you silently entered in file, easily spotting a worn out loveseat, which was probably a bright emerald in its youth, to sit on. It was a rather small space, enough to be a breakfast room, with second hand furniture and astrology-related objects littered around to give a sense of mystique.

“Robert, fetch those documents for me please,” the old woman ordered, who you hardly noticed with how she was almost covered by the wooden desk before her. The shopkeeper, who was apparently named Robert hummed and disappeared, closing the door shut.

As soon as he was gone, you scooted on your seat to take a closer look of the old woman. Just as you had anticipated, Madame Adora was petit, but was made to look larger by her bulky dress adorned by stars and moons embroidered in metallic thread. It had the same fabric as her headpiece which was wrapped around her head like a towel. The one which caught most of your attention however, was the large dangling sun and moon earrings which were as big as her head. You wondered if they were as heavy as they looked.

“Um…we’re—” Wonwoo began but was instantly halted by the Madame with just one hand.

“I know what you seek, my dear children,” she began, her voice croaky. Probably from smoking a bit too much; you thought as you noticed the ashtray on her table next to the burning sage.

The three of you raised your eyebrows, wondering what Madame Adora could’ve meant by her words. She seemed to be the eccentric type, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she busted out tarot cards and a crystal ball any minute.

“You are on your path to fulfill a great purpose for humanity. It is a fate neither you nor this country can avoid,” she continued, making you glance at Wonwoo and Soonyoung. You wanted to ask them if she was sane, but out of courtesy, you decided to keep your mouth shut.

“O-Of course…that—that’s what we’re trying to do,” Soonyoung replied awkwardly as he shifted on his seat. “But we do need to—”

“Yet be cautioned. This path does not offer refuge nor solace for the tired and weary. You will be accompanied by danger, deceit and the deep dark evils of this world. You will face adversaries stronger and larger than you had anticipated. Poke the bear, and its claws shall appear. Be strong and always seek for the truth.”

“Uh…yes, of course,” you replied, ending with uncertainty. “So the documents—”

“Ah, yes. Robert will be here soon,” she interrupted yet again. “While we wait, would any of you like a tarot reading?”

“T-tarot reading?” Soonyoung exclaimed, as he leaned forward, not sure if he had heard it right.

What a surprise. You simply smiled.

Interrupting your gloating, Soonyoung suddenly nudged you with his elbow, making you look at him.

“What?” you asked, your voice a whisper.

“Y-you do it, Y/N!” He replied, his expression not betraying the fact that he was a bit afraid.

“What? Me? Of course not! Do you suppose I believe in such buffoonery?”

“Now, now. It’s just tarot cards, what harm could it possibly do to you? Attack you with a paper cut?” Soonyoung immediately replied, even though he was the one who got frightened first.

“Soonyoung is right, Y/N,” Wonwoo joined in, though you knew he was trying to gang up on you. “Besides, you wouldn’t be so cruel to deny this poor woman an income, would you?”

You closed your eyes, and breathed in—incredibly irritated by this game Wonwoo was playing today. However, you just didn’t have the energy to pick up a fight with how your stomach was beginning to churn once again; the suppressants returning with a vengeance after the pain relievers had worn off.

“Fine then! I’ll do it,” you seethed through gritted teeth as you stood up and walked towards the old woman. “I’ll do it.”

Now much closer, you saw Madame Adora smile warmly at you, which made you feel a bit guilty for getting angry. Sighing, you turn your gaze down to the wooden desk, unable to look into her eyes.

“Boys,” the Madame suddenly called in her raspy voice. “Robert is waiting for you in the other room to look at the documents. Your friend will join you shortly.”

At this development, both Wonwoo and Soonyoung glanced at you, asking if it was alright for them to leave you. You smiled at them encouragingly. You’ll be fine. It’s just a tarot reading.

“Please don’t start without me,” you turned to them as they left the room. “I’m looking at you Kwon Soonyoung.”

Your friend simply grinned and gave you a salute. “Aye, aye!”

When the door was finally shut and you were left alone with the old woman, you glanced at her, wondering what was about to happen, or if she was going to do something.

“What’s your name, my dear?” she asked, something you hadn’t expected.

“Uh…I’m Y/N,” you soon replied, fiddling with a stray lock. You tried to deduce what the Madame was thinking, but nothing came to mind. She was eccentric and unpredictable; there was no use trying to predict the next set of events.

“Well then, please take a seat, Y/N,” she offered the armchair beside you which you quickly sat on. “Is this your first time getting a reading?”

“Yes, I…” you tried to evaluate your next words. “I’ve never been to a shop like this before.”

She simply chuckled at you, pulling out a deck of cards from a drawer. “I understand, dear. We readers are few in number, yet believe it or not, just like magical practitioners, it is necessary for us to have proper licenses.”

With the new information, you raised your brows and nodded, wondering why you haven’t known of this field before. As you continue to swim in your thoughts, Madame Adora began waving the smoking sage around the area.

Knowing your curious look, she gave a small smile. “To cleanse the space, my dear. Sometimes we carry residual energy from people, objects or situations. It is necessary to cleanse before we begin the reading, so we can only pick up your own energy.”

Nodding once more, you didn’t really know what she was talking about. You were no magi, and your knowledge of magic was limited to alchemy and potions, which was grounded more into the material world than the metaphysical.

“Alright then. What kind of reading do you wish to do?” She asked and you only gave her a blank look—completely innocent to the kind of readings a reader could perform.

Without you needing to say a word, the Madame nodded in understanding and explained it to you.

“A reading, in its base form, is a medium to provide some clarity. The Universe itself provides the answers. So if there is a question, a situation which you wish to seek clarity on, then we could begin with that.”

Even before the old woman had finished talking, your head was already turning gears and cogwheels. You wanted to ask about the syndicate and the investigative reporting you were doing, yet for some reason, a niggling feeling inside of you was telling you it wasn’t the right question to ask.

So you searched for it, concentrating on the feeling that you knew you could trust. However, at the end, you were surprised to where it had led you. You didn’t want to ask about it. It was done, it was there. It didn’t matter anymore. But you felt it. It was so strong that it made shivers creep under your skin. You know you needed to hear it.

You sighed. It’s just a tarot reading. No harm done.

“I…uh…” you gazed downwards, finding your wrist wrapped in ribbon to be quite fascinating; deciding for one last time if this was indeed the decision you were making.

“My…uh, soulmate bond.”

You were not sure if she had heard you with how small your voice sounded, but there was no way you would repeat yourself. The way you finally said those words out loud felt like some sort of acceptance; an acknowledgement that a soulmate bond existed between you and that person. Before, it felt like it was simply a figment of your imagination.

To your surprise, the Madame nodded at you, smiling proudly. “Then it shall be. Let us begin.”

You nodded back, watching as she began to expertly shuffle the cards.

“I will be doing a simple spread for you. A first card or cards would explain your energy, and then his energy. Afterwards, your strengths and weaknesses, then the state of this connection. Finally, we will be asking for the future of your soulmate connection.”

Unaware of how specific tarot can be, you only stared at her quite agile hands, not fully understanding everything.

“Please be reminded, dear that energies do change. What is shown here is simply the current energy of the soulmate bond. You and your soulmate still do have the agency to change your future, yet for now, this is what it is.”

You definitely liked the sound of that. If tarot had been in any way fatalistic, you would’ve soured on it in an instant. You always believed that you had some semblance of control over your life, or at least you wanted to.

Quietly, the Madame began drawing out cards, mostly cards which jumped out while she was shuffling. As she began to neatly arrange the cards into a grid-like form, you watched out for any reaction or expression from her. As it turned out, the most you could get was a slight raise of a brow.

When it was all done, she flipped the deck over and placed it beside the spread. Peering overing, you saw that there were a lot of cards, some were upright and the others upside down. You wondered what these all meant.

“Well then, my dear,” she spoke to you, glancing all over the spread and then nodded in understanding. “Let us begin with your energy—Eight of Swords, Queen of Swords reversed and the Hermit reversed.”

“Are those good or bad?” you asked, curious, yet the old woman simply tightened her lips.

“What I could say is that, you may seem to be trapped in your situation right now, whatever your situation may be. Look at this woman in the Eight of Swords,” she replied, holding out the card to you. “ She is blindfolded and surrounded by these swords. She seems to be trapped and imprisoned. It could be your thoughts or what you are telling yourself, as swords symbolizes our mind and how we communicate. You could be suffering from self-doubt.”

Taking in her words, you could feel a lump forming in your chest, knowing that she was indeed right.

“And then we have the Queen of Swords, which is you. When she is upright, she is a force to be reckoned with: intelligent, independent and the speaker of truth, however dear, we have her in reverse, which only shows the shadow side of this energy. The Hermit in reverse is telling me the same thing. My dear, I must apologize, yet this is what I see. As you continue to trap yourself with negative thoughts, you are slowly closing off your heart, becoming coldhearted and bitter, leading you into more loneliness and isolation. Whatever has caused you to become like this was incredibly painful that you have been pushed into fear, creating these defensive walls which then became the swords blindsiding you at this moment.”

You were silent, knowing full well what the old woman was talking about. You wanted to be angry at her for speaking a truth you were trying to avoid all this time, yet there was only sadness in your heart.

“I’m so sorry dear, but this is what the cards say, but please rest assured that your energy could still change. Considering the strengths of this connection, I have high hopes that this soulmate bond will succeed,” Madame Adora consoled you, seeing the deep hurt in your eyes.

“It’s fine,” you replied, swallowing the bile forming in your throat. “Please continue.”

Hesitantly, the Madame moved to the two cards beside the first ones she had read. “For your soulmate’s energy: the Two of Pentacles in reverse and the Hierophant.”

“As for now, your soulmate is in an imbalance. Look at how this person is trying to juggle the two pentacles in the card. He could hardly balance them at all. It could possibly be that your soulmate finds it difficult to manage their career and this connection with you, as this is a pentacles card which usually pertains to finances and the material world. Or, it could possibly be that they cannot find the balance between their traditional values and the constantly changing world with the Hierophant. Their views are definitely being challenged by you and your connection. Nevertheless, they seem to have felt your withdrawal and decided to focus on their career instead, which has now become two burdens on their shoulders.”

Making a downcast look, you felt guilty for making him feel that way. If he had indeed felt your pain through the bond, then he was no better than you. He was hurt too and the thought of you unintentionally inflicting pain on someone was something you were not keen on.

“Now then, let’s move to the strengths of this connection with the Chariot and Strength cards, which are incredibly powerful cards to have. Even this whole spread is powerful, considering how much Major Arcana you have.”

You leaned your head to the side. “Oh, is…is that so?”

“Yes. The Major Arcana holds more significance than the Minor Arcana, that is why having numerous cards from this suit could mean that this connection could be life changing for the both of you. With that said, having the Chariot and Strength implies that the both of you have a tremendous amount of strength and willpower. You and your soulmate are influential people who will stop at nothing to achieve your goals. That is why, even through all the pain and difficulties this bond will bring, this connection will survive.”

Not knowing what to make of that, you simply nodded. You were unsure if you do want this connection to survive. You hardly know your soulmate and you had no interest in doing so. You had long abandoned the idea that you will find love in a soulmate bond.

“Well now, look here, Y/N. I have been called upon to draw three cards for the weaknesses of this connection. We have the Five of Swords, the Nine of Swords in reverse and the High Priestess in reverse,” she continued, showing you the three cards.

“At this moment, there is conflict and disagreement in this connection. It could possibly be that the both of you have fought and that was the reason for your stagnant energy and his withdrawal, and with the Nine of Swords in reverse, usually this card means your anxieties and fears, and in reverse, it could be a release of those negative energies. However, in this reading, it seems like the both of you are hiding this inner turmoil in your hearts. Look at the image here,” the Madame pointed at the Nine of Swords.

“The woman is crying on her bed at night while these swords loom above her—she is crying alone, only the night is her companion, when everyone else is asleep and oblivious to her pain. In a way, you both are mirroring each other. You try to keep this conflict in your heart, making you feel disenchanted with this connection. You had lost hope of finding this love you seek. They on the other hand, try to bury themselves in their career or material possessions. They want stability and a sense of normalcy, yet cannot find it. The Universe has been providing divine guidance, yet with the High Priestess in reverse, the both of you cannot hear or perceive the signs.”

“This is further clarified with the Hanged Man and the Tower, both in reverse. These two cards represent the state of this connection, which further confirms the stagnation and fear of change in this connection. I felt this in the beginning when I was tapping to your energy, but dear, have you been blocking your soulmate bond?”

For some reason, you could only look at her and speak no words. There was fear in your eyes and guilt in your gut. It felt like you had done something unforgivable. You cast a glare to your arm, unable to utter any words of admittance.

“Dear, may I see your wrist?” Madame Adora asked softly. You were hesitant at first but eventually gave in, pulling the ribbon that was wrapped around your wrist and placed it on the table.

Gently, she examined the dull black bars on your skin as you watched curiously. You would ask what she was doing if she hadn’t begun speaking once again.

“You are in pain, dear. Deep, deep pain you need to heal from. It’s not a fresh wound, but scars inflicted from so long ago yet continuously being pried open over the years. You keep on ignoring, burying these scars, hoping that time would help it heal someday,” she said, her fingers on the marks.

“Yet when this soulmate bond came, it had forced you to face them even if you have no wish to, even if you were not ready to. This bond is making your fears rise to the surface—the fear of heartbreak and of disappointment. Thus, instead of waiting for someone else to do this to you, you decided to nip it in the bud. You try to convince yourself that you wish to be alone, that you are comfortable alone, yet deep inside you, you long for someone to share the heaviness which weighs down your heart.”

Without even realizing, you had furrowed your brows and was glaring at the offending soulmate mark on your skin. There was a feeling deep inside you which refuses to accept the old woman's words. It was too painful to acknowledge the yearning that was deeply-rooted in your heart. It was too embarrassing to say that you had made a mistake.

You were simply protecting yourself. Those scars had long healed itself. You had already cut ties with your father and that was the end of the story. There is nothing more to talk about. There was no need to face any more of this. There is no need to reconcile with your soulmate.

Gritting your teeth, you could sense anger rise deep inside of you.

“But dear let me reassure you that despite everything, you will come together in the end. For the future of this connection, you have the Two of Cups which signifies a union. It is my soulmate card because as you can see, these two people are sharing, exchanging cups—”

—!!

You slammed your fist on the table abruptly, the cards jumping in disarray. Madame Adora looked at you sadly as you snatched your wrist away, holding it close to your chest. Your eyes were burning with rage, yet the old woman knew that that anger was rooted from deep longing and sadness.

“I don’t want it,” you muttered in a low voice, and then, after a short pause, began shouting as if it would relieve the guilt in your chest. “I don’t want it! I don’t want this! Could you please leave me alone!”

Without waiting for a reply, you ran out from the room, from the shop. You were in no capacity to continue the investigation with your friends when you are in this state of instability. You just want to leave and disappear for a while.

Just for a while.

◇

Back inside the room, Madame Adora was greeted by Soonyoung and Wonwoo, who were surprised to know that you had left running out of the shop.

“Ah, did Y/N lose her temper again?” Wonwoo asked as he had heard you shouting earlier. “We must apologize, Madame.”

“No, it is I who wishes for your pardon. I must have hurt your friend,” she replied. “Please give this to her as an apology.”

The two men watched as the Madame pulled out a small box from one of the desk’s drawers and placed it on the table. They wondered what the Madame had said in the reading that made you lose composure.

“We will deliver this to her immediately,” Soonyoung replied as he took the box and dropped it inside his pocket. “And thank you for the documents.”

“It is meant for you. I had been called upon to buy the desk which it was stored in, and when you came to this shop in search for such an item, I knew it was meant for this purpose,” Madame Adora replied, intertwining her fingers together. “But more than that, please watch over Y/N.”

Both Wonwoo and Soonyoung exchanged glances. “W-we will.”

“Simply watch over her and give her support. She is going through something which only she can resolve.”

As the Madame said those words, her gaze was caught by the single card by her side. It was the card at the back of the deck—usually meant to summarize the energy of the whole reading.

It was the Lovers.

◇

It was already dreadfully dark when you had decided to return to your dorm room.

The wisteria trees were already a midnight grey, the unlit path, a dark purple. Only a few streetlamps offered illumination through the pitch-black night as you waded through the campus in silence.

You took your time alone—wandering on random alleyways, sitting on deserted park benches, watching people pass by as they live their own lives, with their own problems. Nothing seemed real during those hours of isolation in the midst of the crowd. It was like the pain was too far away for you to reach; the events from that afternoon too far away to be reality.

Yet you knew you needed to return somehow. Thus, with eyes exhausted from crying tears unshed, and the ribbon you used to conceal your soulmate bond in your hands, you opened the door to your dorm room and saw its gauche splendor in shameless display.

With a sigh, you wrapped the ribbon on your wrist haphazardly, not caring if not seemed sloppy as long as the black bars were far from your sight.

Walking to the common room, you scanned the area for your roommate, wondering if he was asleep or still at his office on a Friday night. It would be better if you didn’t see him, you thought. There would be less explaining to do.

Yet the common room was depressingly empty. It had occurred to you that you never even spent much time in there as much as you would’ve liked. Was it simply because you were avoiding him or you were just not interested in sharing the same space with him, you didn’t know.

As you move past the wooden dining table and towards the kitchenette for a glass of water, you bumped into something fleshy and soft which definitely made you shriek and fall onto the floor in a painful thud.

“What…on earth?” you muttered, gradually coming down from your sudden adrenaline rush, your sight refocusing.

To your astonishment, you found one Lee Jihoon lying on the floor, obviously drunk by the whisky which was once inside the bottle he was clinging on to for dear life. Apprehensively, you crawled towards him, to check if he was still breathing. Yet before you could touch him, his dark brown eyes were on to you, still cold and jaded as the nights of December.

“Jihoon—“

You were about to reprimand him for bringing in prohibited alcohol inside the dorms and for sleeping on the floor during a cold autumn day, when you realized that his skin was red. Bright red.

Concern immediately shoots up to your brain as you reach out to him.

“Jihoon!” You exclaimed, shaking him to sobriety. “Jihoon! Are you intolerant to alcohol?”

Despite your concern, he could only hum groggily. “It’s…fine.”

“What do you mean ‘it’s fine’? How many bottles have you drunk?!” You asked, looking around and saw several bottles of the same whisky he was holding. “Oh god, you even chose one with high alcohol content! You shouldn’t be drinking this.”

“It’s…fine, Y/N. I only had a few… just a few…”

He simply groaned in reply, lying comfortably on the floor without a care in the world. You only stared at him in exasperation, brushing your hair as you sighed.

You felt an urge to just leave him like that on the floor until dawn breaks. He can take care of himself, and being drunk probably isn’t something new to him. Yet you knew you can’t just do that. Whether or not he was Lee Jihoon, you had the obligation to not leave him to die of alcohol poisoning or of hypothermia.

The last one was a stretch, you admit but still, there was no way you could leave him like that as someone who tries to be compassionate at every point of day. At least, the sofa was a lot better than the cold floor.

Reaching for his arm and placing it around your shoulders, you tried to carry Jihoon to the sofa just a few steps away. Yet you hadn’t anticipated how heavy he actually was as you barely dragged him across the room, huffing and panting. You were not one with the best fitness

“Come on, Jihoon. Hold yourself up! You’re simply too heavy for me to carry!” You exclaimed as you tried not to stumble on the way.

“Mmn…I’m sorry...I’m trying…” he drawled, his eyes half-lidded and unfocused—obvious indications that he has drunk too much for his own good.

Just a little bit…

Taking that one step remaining, you immediately tossed Jihoon to the soft sofa with a long and exhausted sigh. He only groaned, his hair in a disarray. You had only noticed now that he still had his work clothes on: a grey suit piece sans the tie which he must’ve tossed somewhere in the immediate past.

He had his eyes closed as you sat closely to him, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. Jihoon seemed to be in peace this way, far from the constant creases in his brow or on his lips. Brushing away a stray lock of hair from his face, you noticed the angles on his face, the fullness of his cheeks, the rosiness of his lips. Was he always this familiar to you? It was a question you had no immediate answers to. Yet you had never anticipated to end your exhausting day with a drunk Lee Jihoon, yet that’s where you are now.

“I should give him some medicine to ease the redness,” you muttered to yourself as you stood up, your mind already listing the ingredients you needed to make one tablet, but before you did, a hand had stopped you in your tracks.

“Please…don’t leave me,” his voice, still lethargic, echoed behind you and you were forced to turn, your eyes captured by his unrelenting gaze.

“Jihoon…” you spoke softly, returning to your seat beside him as you helped him sit up clumsily. “But you’re still flushing.”

“Doesn’t matter…” he replied back, leaning unsteadily until you caught him in your arms. Now he was peacefully resting his head on your shoulder, burying himself into your embrace.

“J-Jihoon…?”

To say that you were wholly surprised was an understatement. You were floundering and unable to make anything out of this situation. This was something incredibly out of character for the Lee Jihoon you thought you knew.

“Y/N…I must….must apologize,” he began, which definitely made you furrow your brows in bewilderment. “I’m so sorry… I—I failed you…”

You stared into the air incredulously, not understanding what page Jihoon was in.

“You didn’t fail me,” you replied back. “You didn’t fail anyone, Jihoon…”

However, it seemed like your words fell into deaf ears as he snuggled up to you, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“I’m so sorry…Y/N…please…please forgive me…”

Concluding that this was probably one drunk confession, you allowed him to find comfort in your presence, placing a consoling hand on his back as he continued to apologize to you.

This was a side to him you hadn’t expected to see. It was vulnerable, raw and unapologetically real—words you never thought you’d associate with Lee Jihoon. Yet there you were, as you hugged him back, finding solace in his arms as well when there was no one in the world you could share your burdens with.

“It’s okay, Jihoon…” you replied to him as you closed your eyes. “At least you tried, and it’s good enough for me.”

“Yet…yet…why can’t I feel you…?” he cried out, his voice clearly in pain. “Why can’t I reach you…? I…I always…alwaysss wanted to know you…to hold you like this…”

“Jihoon…”

You wished there was something you could say or do, yet you didn’t even know what he was talking about. It felt like the two of you were talking in a circle of riddles; finding yourselves in different pages.

“Y/N…please don’t be angry…please….please….don’t reject me,” he continued on as if in a trance. “I’m so sorry….so sorryyy….”

There was something in his words, or the way his voice shook that had pierced right through you. You wondered what you had done to him to plead to you like this. Yes, you did push him away a few weeks ago, yet that was the farthest you had gone to hurt him. You couldn’t understand what was happening, nevertheless, you still felt called upon to take action.

Moving your hand, you brushed his soft locks gently.

“I won’t reject you, Jihoon. I won’t push you away. I promise you.”

◇

PARLIAMENT PASSES BILL CRACKING DOWN ON CILVEKAN NATIONALS by Jeon Wonwoo

The Porta Persa Edition, October 27th

In a historic vote, the Parliament has passed a bill on harsher travel restrictions for Cilvekan nationals as well as an extensive program which allows for the investigation of all Cilvekans in Porta Persa. This bill marks a tantamount win on Rep. Kang Jinho and his Conservative party—warranting a speculation of a bid on the Prime Minister seat.

This soon-to-be law highlights restrictions set on the amount of Cilvekan nationals leaving and entering Porta Persa wherein local governments can monitor their actions inside the country. It is also in the prerogative of the local government to deny entry to any Cilvekan wishing to enter. According to Rep. Kang, it is necessary to be able to detect any sort of preemptive strike against Porta Persa to avoid endangering the security of the people.

This bill also boasts a program which, in conjunction with the restrictions, shall implement a vast inspection of all Cilvekan nationals present in the country. They are to undergo a thorough investigation conducted by the police and shall be warranted to arrests if ill-intentions against Porta Persa is proven.

With this bill, according to the Parliament, the government shall be able to ensure that the national security of Porta Persa shall not be threatened by any means, even if it meant sacrificing privacy and material gains. Sacrifice is and always will be inevitable on the road to peace…

◇

In the pitch black darkness of the night, echoes of footfalls resounded across the streets of Porta Persa. There was breaking of glass, breaking of wood, and shouts of women.

Fear was high in the scent of the night. The streets of Porta Pera enshrined by men and women—rounded up in handcuffs and tied by accusations. Half the town was awake and afraid, half the town asleep and aloof.

The night had just began.

-Hyeri

#seventeen #svtcreations #caratwritersclub #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #seventeen woozi #lee jihoon #woozi #the most convenient escape

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doomandgloomfromthetomb · 4 years

Photo

Gillian Welch & David Rawlings - “Knuckleball Catcher”

A few months back, I had the pleasure of interviewing the great Gillian Welch for Uncut magazine. You can read it in the latest issue! IN PRINT. We talked for a while, so the Q&A is merely the greatest hits of the conversation ... I’ve got a few more choice bits after the jump, including some discussion of some “lost songs” that aren’t on her new Lost Songs collections. One of ‘em is this beautiful track “Knuckleball Catcher,” one of (if not the) greatest songs ever written about the love story between a pitcher and a catcher. Or something! Anyway, those Lost Songs comps are knocking me out these days — incredible tunes all around ... and there’s still more on the way! Read on for some more of the interview.

There was some important stuff in those tape boxes — specifically the material for the new Boots collection.

Yeah, it’s not like we had forgotten what was in those boxes. We’ve thought about those 48 demo recordings over the years. But I think the tornado was the last straw. It really puts a perspective on … what is this stuff? Why are we saving this? Were we ever going to put these out? If we were gonna put them out, I guess we should put them out now, because suddenly things that you thought were always going to be around and options that you thought you’d always have can just disappear overnight. That’s really the lesson. It seemed better to put them out than not.

What was it like hearing those songs again after all this time?

It was wild. We recorded them in a weekend. All 48 of them. It was December of 2002. My publishing deal was about to renew on January 1, and I just didn’t have any business being in that deal anymore. I had signed that deal in 1994 and my life was so different. The problem was that we had become a touring act and I don’t write on the road. So every year I was falling behind on the songs that I owed them. If I didn’t play a big catch-up, it was just going to roll on forever. I don’t want to cast it in a bad light – that deal was incredibly important to me in the early days. But it was time for me to be done with it. I was not a staff writer by any stretch. It was Dave’s realization that this was possible. It was just before Christmas and he said ‘Well, what happens if you get caught up? What happens if you turn in 48 songs?’ And I said, ‘If I turn in 48 songs, I can say we’re done!’ So he started pulling out notebooks. I’m a notebook person, spiral bound. I have well over a hundred of them. Maybe 200. They’re in a cupboard. So it’s not like we started 48 songs from scratch. There were songs around that just weren’t quite finished. This was after Revelator and right before Soul Journey. And so, there had always been songs, particularly after Revelator. We kind of have a thing that we’re interested in. We have these types of songs we’re interested in. But I didn’t always start songs that fit into that. Sometimes I just start songs. And we just didn’t always finish them. And so that’s what these are. Only one song from Soul Journey came from this. I think that’s it. Some songs were cut by other people. Solomon Burke cut “Valley of Tears.” Alison Krauss recorded “Wouldn’t Be So Bad.” We had to split up the stuff. These songs were never tied to a record. They weren’t outtakes.

Still, the record hangs together really well — it sounds like a great new Gillian Welch record.

That’s Dave’s magic. I mean truly, these were just demos, recorded largely at home. One of the reasons they were never fit to release was this horrible buzz that was on some of them. And since 2002, the tools available to de-buzz recordings have gotten so much better. So that’s another reason we can release them now. I mean, let’s talk about tape. Tape is awesome. What’s another reason these are still around, why they’re able to be released? Because they’re on tape. They weren’t destroyed, erased or made un-playable by the tornado – because they’re on tape! They’ve been through a tornado!

Has this experience changed how you think about your own work?

In the world of artists who have probably been too lax with their own editing and curating, versus those who have been too stringent, we’re probably over on the stringent side. We’ve sort of under-released. It’s not always as I’d have it. Any person would tell you; you should put out more music. We only put it out if we are OK with it.

But it is interesting. One of the things that’s so interesting about the lost songs is that they kind of capture something about how they were done. Let’s take “Strange Isabella” – but they’re all this way. Dave would find the partly finished song in the notebook. I would finish it while he was looking through another notebook, looking for another song. When I finished one song, he would come back in. I would pick up the guitar – an early 60s hummingbird, he would turn the tape machine on, and I would sing the song that I just finished. And he would turn the tape machine off. We wouldn’t even listen to them! Check! The whole point was to get it on tape. Now, think about it. That is a completely different mindset when you’re making a record. There’s way more going on when you’re MAKING A RECORD. And so, what happens is something very immediate and something in a way very un-self-critical. I remember reading that John Hartford’s Aereo-Plain was made in a similar way. He never listened to the takes. David Bromberg wouldn’t let him listen. He just played. And that’s what this was like. We just played. But then we didn’t think we were making a record. So, it’s a much more immediate, much more intimate document. We’re so close to the song.

Our response to the world being upended was to try to put more music into it. So out comes this shoebox of 18-year-old tapes. That’s where Dave and I are. Our response is just to try to do more of what we do.

I gotta ask for myself here – I saw you for the first time in 2002, and you played a song that you’ve never released, but it’s been running through my brain ever since. It had the lines “Tell me what you think about” … is that on an upcoming volume of The Lost Songs?

Oh yeah! It isn’t!

Oh, you’re killing me.

Haha! Sorry. We called that one “One Love.” “Hey, tell me what you think about …” That one and a song called “Knuckleball Catcher,” those are the ones that people are like “Oh are those on here?!” No … (laughs). Honestly, that one I think would come out if we do like a bootleg release of the Soul Journey sessions. Because these songs were never tied to a record. “One Love” is an outtake from Soul Journey. These Lost Songs were something different.

#Gillian Welch #David Rawlings

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fungusqueen · 4 years

Text

Here it is! The promised car-buying tips from my amateur and frugal experience! My general tips are to be prepared, do your homework, and don’t get caught off guard by not doing research and agreeing to things/paying for things you didn’t plan on.

Car salesmen are not your friends and they’re trying to lead you down the path that’s most profitable for them, which is never going to be the best situation for you. It’s their job to try to sell you on a bunch of stuff you don’t need, so be prepared for their tricks and understand the process so you’re not blindsided. Something specific to the coronavirus pandemic is that dealerships will be very desperate to sell (because no one is buying cars right now) and dealerships are willing to take a loss on a sale! BUT! If you go unprepared, it may also leave you vulnerable to dealerships attempting to do unethical shit BECAUSE they are so desperate to sell. They might try to make profits in places you may not suspect. A lot of aspects of buying a car (especially in financing car) sound good up front, but you might find out you’re getting screwed over.

I’m not going to discuss what makes a good car, or what you should buy etc. because I really don’t know and that’s your business! I’m mainly going to talk about the steps before and during the car-buying process (inside of a dealership and over the phone inquiring prices etc). I did my car search and car-buying alone (due to the global pandemic and my own desire to have minimal contact with others) and for my first time ever! So I’m only going to share my experience and offer resources.

I recommend this podcast episode from NPR’s Life Kit, “How to Buy a Car Without Being Taken for a Ride” as a simple starting point for car buying advice. It’s 23 min long. I know not everyone will listen to the podcast episode (and you don’t have to) so I summarized some of those episode tips below and elaborated on certain points.

1) Don’t appear too excited (at the dealership); they will try to build your excitement as high as possible. Playing on your emotions and creating a fantasy of a new life in a new car puts you in a position to make irrational decisions. When I was in the dealership, they actually asked me “Are you excited?” and I said “No.” I was also wearing a face mask, so with half my face covered, concealing my excitement was pretty easy! Their attempts may also appear as them trying to get you to talk shit about your old car to get you complaining, and further idealizing your future car. Overall, appearing too eager will not make them fight over you to get a sale. Make them beg!

2) Get pre-approved for a loan before going to a dealership. Know what kind of interest rate you can get and what kind of monthly payment you can afford. Your credit score will inform this; the better your score, the better your rate will be (so if you have time to improve your score, try to build it as high as possible). Your bank/credit union should have rates listed easily online. You don’t have to be a member of a credit union to get a loan with them, but there may be a discounts if you’re already a member. PLEASE KNOW that after applying for a loan, your bank/credit union will give you a time limit on how long you have to find a car/use the loan. My credit union gave me 20 days from the time I applied, but it can vary. You can also call to increase or decrease the loan if the car you initially wanted is no longer available or you choose a different one. When you apply for a loan, you have to supply the VIN (Vehicle Identification Number), but obviously car shopping can change so make sure you supply your bank/credit union with the new VIN number of the car you decide to go with. Your bank/credit union may not approve you for a car that is too old. This happened to me (I first applied for a 2013 car in my budget) and they let me know they typically dont approve loans for cars older than 2014, which was a blessing in disguise because I found a newer model of the same car for around the same price. I ended up changing the car VIN/loan amount 3 times overall from the time I first got pre-approved for my car loan. Just keep your bank/credit union updated. Also! It’s not necessary but it helps if they can send a written (emailed) confirmation of the loan amount with APR listed, as the dealership will need it later in the finance office.

3) Definitely TEST DRIVE a car you see online before considering purchasing it. It might feel different than you thought! I test drove an older model of the car I wanted before test driving a slightly newer model and I’m really glad I test drove the older one so I had something to compare it too. There was only a two year difference between the models but the upgrades made a difference in ways I wouldn’t have thought before sitting in the driver’s seat!

4) Beware the 7 year car loan. It’s probably not the right car for you if you need 84 months to pay off. Car loans are not like home loans; cars are always depreciating in value. Interest on car loans is also always front-loaded, so the money you put in your first few years will mostly go towards your interest, not the principal of your car loan, and you could be spending way more than you thought. If the car does not last you 7 years, you may owe more than the car ends up being worth if you want to or have to sell it. At this point, it might be a smarter decision to lease a car, if for whatever reason, you insist on getting a specific car.

4.5) To add to this last point, you’ve probably seen dealership ads on TV or in print that say “0% APR for 84 months!” This is kind of a scam (at least imo) because it’s very seductive in a way that can distract you from other ways you can save. These advertisements serve the purpose of getting people into showrooms. This is because interest rate is only ONE SMALL FACTOR into finding what’s right for your budget. An APR offer is minimal compared to your monthly payment...if the monthly payment is too high (overall car price too high), are you really saving $$? These offers might even be for a shorter payment term, (ex. 36 month instead of 60 month), your monthly payment could be too high for your budget because you didn’t have the flexibility outside of this offer! If your term payment is longer (ex. 84 months), while your car depreciates in value, you may end up owing more than it’s worth by time you pay it off. 7 years is a long time! As well, these offers are usually only for NEW cars (again, more expensive than necessary) and buying used might be a better option. As well, they are not transparent about the minimum credit score required to qualify for 0% APR, so you may not even qualify...even with great credit! The 0% offer is also usually offered along with other incentives, like a manufacturer rebate (thousand $ and above). You’ll often have to chose between one incentive or the other...you could be turning down a multi-thousand dollar rebate because that 0% is very seductive...but if you did the math, it might not be the best option for your budget. ALSO! If you’re going to buy new anyway, banks/credit unions offer better APR rates for new cars rather than used so compare. If you can get a super low APR from your credit union on a new car, why get stuck with a higher monthly payment on a too long/too short loan term you otherwise wouldn’t have chosen just to get that 0%?

5) To continue with the point above ^^ When you are with the salesman, start with price of the car and don’t talk about ANYTHING else until later. THIS IS WHERE THEY GET YOU! They will try to get you to talk about financing, how much money you want to put down etc. BEFORE promising you a juicy competitive price on the car. SO! APR rates shouldn’t even be discussed until you can agree to the price of the car! Sort of another way they GET YA! So distracting! Can prevent you from getting your lowest overall price possible!

6) IT IS SO FRICKEN IMPORTANT AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, BECAUSE THIS HAS HELPED ME THE MOST OF ANY TIP I’VE HEARD FROM FRIENDS: ASK FOR OTD (Out the door) price. The prices you see listed online or on a sticker on the car window are not the prices you’ll end up paying. OTD price includes everything, tax, fees etc. A few dealerships nearby had the same car I wanted (only varying slightly in color, mileage etc. but exact same year and model) so I called a few and said “HI I saw your car online, could you give me the OTD (out the door) price?” Ask them to break it down for you, what’s the price of the car, what’s tax, document fee, dmv fee, etc. If the OTD price is very high above the car price plus tax, beware! You should not be paying thousands of dollars in additional mystery fees. If a handful of dealerships have basically the same car, see which one can give you the best price. If a dealership cannot be up-front about their OTD price, and break it down for you so you know how all the money is adding up, RUN AWAY! You can ask for this information over the phone, some fees are often not necessary and are negotiable.

With this coronavirus pandemic, you should not be paying this full OTD price on the car, ask for at least 10% off and see what they say. In my situation, I called, got the OTD price at two different dealerships, one dealership asked me what they could do to get my business and I said, “I might come in today if you can give me 10% off the OTD price.” (I was cackling behind my phone tbh! it seemed ridiculous to me but whatevs). The salesman I was speaking to calculated it, said he’d call me back after asking his manager. When he called me back, they offered me just under 10% off...which sounded pretty sweet to me because the car was already being sold below it’s Kelly Blue Book value and that was the dealership I eventually went with. So u never know if you don’t ask! I asked the same of another dealership and they basically said no. So call around! This guy, Kevin Hunter, on youtube, gave me this idea! His channel is full of car buying wisdom so I highly recommend!

He has a great recent video specifically about the car buying market in during this coronavirus pandemic. He has videos on topics like, honest car salesman techniques, are certified preowned vehicles worth it, fake fees you shouldn’t pay for, etc.

7) Something I experienced that Kevin Hunter ^ also explains, (in this video titled, CAR SALESMAN TRICKS YOU into buying a car! DEALERSHIP Rip off: The SET UP) is this weird 4 square setup they did to me...and they do to everyone at a dealership. It’s another distraction tactic, that they will use to distract you from getting a good price on the car. It will look like this:

So the salesman will bring this informal piece of paper out. It’s not a contract, it’s not official, but they’re going to use this paper to pull information from you THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE THEM! At the point they bring this out, you should only be talking about car sales price. So this piece of paper has spaces to write trade in value (if you’re bringing in your old car to trade in), down payment, monthly payment, and car price. Anything that is not the car sales price will be used against you to try and get you to pay more. They’re trying to create the best profit for the dealership.

When I was at the dealership, the salesman kept pushing me to say how much cash I wanted to put down, what kind of monthly payment I wanted (ie. how much money can I spend), (and in my situation, I didn’t have a trade-in car, so discussion about that wasn’t brought up). Practice refusing to answer these questions...I kept saying I did not want to discuss financing or cash down until we could agree to the price of the car. You can also say you prefer to discuss this with the finance manager. He tried to get me to sign this 4-Square paper with a higher price on it than I was given on the phone. Do not sign this, it’s weird. I brought out a paper with a much lower price and asked him to sign off on that price instead. Bring the focus back to the car price. Be prepared to walk out and TELL THEM you will leave if you don’t get the price you want!

which leads me to my next point...

8) DO NOT SAY YOU ARE PAYING CASH. Do not say how much cash you have, do not discuss HOW you are paying at any point with the salesman. After you can agree to a favorable price on the car, you’ll be handed to a finance manager in another room. The salesman is NOT the finance officer. You should not tell your salesman your financial details. If anything, you only have to give the salesman VERY BASIC details so they can run a credit check before handing you to the finance manager.

and below....here is a WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DISCUSS HOW YOU’RE PAYING WITH THE SALESMAN.

9) Dealers can make a lot of money off a car loan...if you finance through them. Make them believe in the possibility that you might finance through them. They might give you a lower price on the car because they might assume they can get ya with a high APR or long term payment...which will bring them money in the long term. Don’t tell them you’re financing through your bank/credit union before you settle on the car price! In some cases though, a dealership might be able to give you a better deal thank your bank. You can say, “Why don’t you run my credit and see what you can offer me” and then see if it’s better than what your bank/credit union can give you. They also might test you with a high APR, even if you qualify for a lower APR (just to see if you’ll take it), and might even use details of your credit report against you...

10) If you have a trade in, they will also try to make a profit from not giving you enough $$ for your old car. Get a price quote from Carmax and check the Kelly Blue Book value beforehand to see if they’re giving you a good price. If it’s not good enough, you might want to consider walking away from the dealership and just selling to Carmax. Because of online transparency and easy access to prices of cars, they will try to make money in other areas OTHER THAN the car price, and this is one of them.

11) After you’ve settled on the price of the car and they’ve run your credit, you’ll be moved from the salesman to the finance office...where you’ll be signing contracts and discussing other add-ons, (warranties, insurances, protections etc.) When you’re in the finance office, DONT BUY ANY ADD ONS THE DAY YOU BUY YOUR CAR. If you decide to, research a good price for what they offer you. You can call the dealership and ask to speak to the finance manager ahead of time and ask what additional items you may be offered. These might be paint protection, tire protection, extended warranties, gap insurance etc. When they offer these things to you, they are often overpriced. You can also get these later, or get these elsewhere for a better price. Research ahead of time to see what’s right for you and don’t try to figure it out unprepared because they will try to convince you.

That concludes my numbered dealership tips! I probably left some stuff out, so please continue to do your research.

This podcast episode from This American Life, 129 Cars, illustrates the importance of using timing and desperation on the part of salespeople to your advantage. This is a longer listen, over an hour long, but it follows salespeople during their work day as they try to meet their monthly quota in order to reach their sales bonus. Towards the end of the month can be an ideal buying time because dealerships may be willing to take a loss or make no commission from a sale because if they’re able to reach their quota, they will either...not be fired, or they may receive a sizeable bonus. Overall, TIMING can be key in getting a good deal. Dealerships also have yearly sales quotas, so if you can wait, you may be able to get a better deal on a car towards the end of the year.

As well, I recommend a Monday/weekday since dealerships are least busy during this time. AND! If you need to contact your bank, it might be impossible on the weekend. Because of coronavirus, operating hours for banks/credit unions have been shortened so if you need to finalize some financing details or ask your bank/credit union questions, make sure you’re able to do so when needed! I ran into this problem and was delayed because my credit union was closing early.

One last tip! You also will also need to insure this new car so call your car insurance carrier and let them know you’re car shopping and they can help you add the new car to your current policy, or change your current insurance. You car insurance might increase or decrease with the addition of a new car. And if you’re getting a car with a higher value, you might want to consider adding more coverage to your current coverage. The dealership might give you free temporary insurance so you can drive the car off the lot with coverage. When I called my insurance carrier to add this new car onto my policy, it didn’t take effect until midnight that night so the dealership gave me temporary insurance just in case something happened on the drive home. You legally do need insurance to drive it off the lot or if you’ve never been insured before. So if you’re currently on somebody else’s policy, get some quotes from different insurance carriers and try to get an idea of the future cost.

Those are all my tips! This took a lot longer than I thought, heh heh, but I seriously hope this helps someone because buying a car is a HUGE DEAL and there’s so much potential to get taken advantage of due to the lack of transparency!!! There’s a lot more I could have covered so I encourage you to take more time to do more research! And good luck if you plan on buying a car soon!

#tips #life advice #car advice #car buying advice #car shopping #advice #buying a car #life hack #amateur tips #car shopping advice #resources #adulting #budget

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peeterparkr · 4 years

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perfidy;tom holland|6

chapter 6: the frame

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

story summary: Tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. However, you happened to be best friends with the twins. When one of your friends challenged you to break Tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. Old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

chapter summary: how do you make someone fall in love with you when they’ve hated you their whole life?

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: swearing, timmy, mentions of sex, didn’t proof read

word count: 5.8k

here’s a playlist

TWEETS: read them before you read this.

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist

wanna be tagged?

No one should ever have sympathy for the devil. They’re the devil for a reason. But somehow, you understood a lot of things about Tom. Going through his schedule had you already on your feet, no wonder why he was always tired. You had been avoiding any kind of confrontation with anyone as your hands were hovering through the mouse as the light from your laptop was washing white through your whole room, you hadn’t slept and you had a cup of coffee as you waited for your alarm to go off so you could officially start the day.

Your first day as an assistant, it didn’t sound exciting but it had you on the edge. That wasn’t the reason why you hadn’t slept, though.

Timothée and you hadn’t solved anything, both of you needed to think things, you’d asked him for more time to go through and about everything. Because honestly, you didn’t know if you wanted to go back to a relationship where you knew you weren’t the same. But you were still in love with him. You knew he loved you, too. You can easily tell, you know? when someone is in love with someone else. Yet it seemed like he had been so distant, even if he had only been 3 feet apart.

.And it was hard, because you couldn’t be thinking about it, but you had the right to cry about it, didn’t you? But you knew that at some point you’d break. You didn’t have the time to think about it, not now. You had already opened the document, the script you so feared of writing. So banal and stupid and typical, a script that had no meaning. And you were wondering if you really wanted to do that, you could easily just text Alessandra you were not up to write something as vain and stupid, especially because you knew you’d end up hurting yourself. This meant emotionally investing in something, and although there was no way you’d ever wake up past feelings, you knew you could end up hurting more people than planned.

Besides, you were certain it was impossible, Tom wouldn’t fall in love with you. So you maybe needed to change this, seduce him? But you felt so dirty.

It had been good, though, relieved some stress, some tension. But then, you’d seen Timmy. And everything had tumbled down. Because you were proving his point. Though the conversation had gone very normal. Timmy had understood that you needed time, you hadn’t told him what for.

It was wrong, it felt like cheating. Cheating on your heart, at least. But you looked at the little annotations you had for the script.

You hadn’t slept because you were wondering if you could ever make someone like Tom fall in love with you. Because really? What makes people fall in love? It had you thinking. And maybe you could turn this into a guide, how to make your number one enemy fall in love with you. Was there really only one fine line in between love and hate? Can one fall in love with someone you know so well?

How does one make the devil fall in love with you?

And you’d asked Timmy, “What made you fall in love with me?” As if it was a question like “what’s your favourite colour?” or “what have you been doing these days?”

He hadn’t answered, not really. Only gave you a smile.

You closed the script, maybe the answer was in between your past, and you scrolled through your files until you found them, your old videos.

You stared at the names, and randomly clicked on one.

“Okay, Y/N… Want to dance with Tom?” Nikki said behind the camera. The movie was messy, and she was trying to focus on both of you. A young y/n was on the floor, her mouth covered with chocolate ice cream. A bow on her head, and a very nice white with cherries dress, now all covered, too with chocolate ice cream.

You chuckled as you watched yourself, you had the rest of the ice cream on your hand.

You were barely 3, it seemed. Your brother, probably 8, was sitting on the couch as he was too busy nibbling on his own popsicle. A young Tom was giggling to the camera, covered in ice cream too, as he danced to the music playing in the background, ABBA, your mother and Nikki used to play ABBA all the time.

“Y/N you don’t wanna dance with Tom?” Your mother walked into the view, as baby y/n looked up to her and shook her head. However, your brother, James walked over to you and helped-forced you to stand up. He took your hands and made you dance with him, you grinned.

Your mother and Nikki started to clap as you danced, and Tom, of course, wanting to get back the attention, pushed away your brother and took your hands instead, dancing with you.

The video was rather something quite adorable and stupid, you were both dancing to the song.

You laughed to yourself, because there was probably a similar video when you guys were older, but now drunkenly dancing to ABBA.

The kids were dancing, and you ended up kissing his cheek.

“Adorable!” Nikki said.

Of course, the sweetness ended as Tom pushed you back, making you fall to the floor. Tom laughed and then you cried.

“Thomas! Don’t do that!” Nikki said.

“Y/N, love it’s okay, don’t cry,” your mother said, as she rushed over to you.

The video ended.

You rolled your eyes, that video was the perfect definition to your relationship nowadays. Except you didn’t like him. But you had to, for your own sake, you had to put up with him. With the devil.

He was the devil in disguise, you could see it. Even when he was younger, little devil, disguised as an angel, with a beautiful smile and angelic eyes. This was wrong, so wrong, you knew he could hurt you more than you could hurt him. How could you ever make him fall in love with you? If you hadn’t succeeded before what made you think that you would win now?

It made you feel guilty, even, because you were playing with something where you knew you had a lot to lose. You were risking your heart, and you knew that this was leading to your doom. It was no secret that you had once wanted him.

And even with everything, you didn’t want to hurt him. And you had circled around it, how you could try to ruin him. But you really didn’t want to. But how did you make anyone fall in love with you? Because it was written in the stars that you were both destined to hate each other.

Or maybe you had only been destined to love him once, or twice but he was meant to hurt you. You couldn’t rewrite destiny, no matter how good of a writer you were, you couldn’t rewrite the stars.

Was there an answer? Did you have to dress a certain way? Did you have to sing? Maybe makeup. And you started to think about it, maybe you couldn’t rewrite it but you could write a new story.

What had made you fall in love with anyone, really? And you thought about Tom, the first person you’d ever been in love with, the chaos he was. Like a busy rainy morning in London, with hopes of the sun finally coming out. And it didn’t make any sense. Maybe that was you needed to figure out how to make something senseless turn into something important. Falling in love with the devil. And you’d already sinned.

But you started writing, and before you knew it, you were already waiting for him with a coffee and a tea and a printed schedule. Tom would be picking you up.

“Morning,” you said but he hadn’t answered.

And there it was, the long-expected cold shoulder he’d be giving you. You hadn’t expected any less from him, of course he was now pretending nothing had happened. A black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats.

“Here’s your tea—And-are you excited?”

“We don’t have to talk,” Tom said. “It’s too early.”

You raised your brows. “Alright.”

He remained quiet. But you watched him, the sun was making him a favour. The freckles on his skin were perfectly placed on his nose, it seemed like they were stars poured over. The damn boy was perfect, at least you could get something out of that.

You didn’t know if he had noticed your staring.

He was too good to be true, honestly. He was very attractive, too bad he was such an asshole. Why had he never liked you back?

And there it was, that feeling you’d always be feeling. The feeling of not being enough, or the feeling that you’d done something so wrong. But you’ve learnt better. You knew this was Tom being whom he was. Probably Haz had heard something and Tom had denied it and then he was giving you the cold shoulder to not raise any concerns.

This would be difficult, having to deal with him and try to make him fall in love with you when he clearly didn’t like you at all. It was good you didn’t like him either.

But you did look at the mirror and wondered if you looked bad, or ugly, or if it had been your voice, or maybe he didn’t drink tea when he was going to film, or what had you done wrong? That feeling would never go away when you were with Tom. What did you do wrong?

However, you needed to go through the Schedule, even if your thoughts were messing with yur brain. “We will go straight into makeup and—“

“You think I don’t know that?” Tom rolled his eyes.

You rolled your eyes. “Thomas I’m simply doing my job, alright? And if we want to work this out—And I’m just trying to be nice, okay? I don’t like you, I really really can’t stand you but I’m doing my best effort to try and be nice, and decent. We are gonna be doing this for two months and you know what? If you don’t get your shit together I might just quit right here right now and good luck finding an assistant in ten minutes, so you better not be pulling that attitude with me right now.”

He blinked as he cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

“Good, now I need—“

He smirked. “That was pretty hot, though.”

You closed your eyes with desperation as you turned to glare at him. “What?”

He grinned as he turned his head just slightly to wink at you. “I’m sorry after that night—Apparently that kind of stuff turns me on.”

“That night didn’t happen,” you cleared your throat.

He clicked his tongue. “But it did, and we were very chill after that, and that was hot.”

“You’ve got some weird kinks going on there, first the praise kink and now this?” You sassed with poison.

“The praise?—I don’t have a praise kink,” he frowned.

You laughed. “We’ll see about that, now we need to—“

“Oh we will see?” He smirked. “So you’re saying you will prove it to me?”

You fumed red as you glared at him. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I’m sorry to inform you but I’m a professional and that will never happen again.”

He grinned. “Oh c’mon, y/n.”

“What now?” You crossed your arms.

“You can’t… you can’t pretend it didn’t mean anything.”

“It didn’t feel anything. Did you feel anything?” This could lead somewhere.

“No. Well… I’m not saying that I felt anything, but it does mean something.”

You sighed. “I’m… No, I’m sorry I got caught up in the moment, that’s it.”

He laughed. “Hm, bummer, and here I was thinking about bringing yellow flowers.”

You looked away. Yellow flowers. “You wouldn’t even if you’d felt something,” you said with poison, not even wanting to think of yellow flowers. “And if you dare to mention that night again, I’m gonna quit for that too.”

“Nice, I love it when you talk dirty to me,” he snickered, but then quickly regretted it as you smacked his head. “Ow! Hey! I’m just messing with ya, y/n.”

You frowned, feeling your empty stomach slowly pulling down.

“I hate you,” you stated.

“I hate you more, boo,” he grinned. “I’m sorry, y/n, it’s just pretty early…”

“And? I hate waking up early too, I didn't even sleep last night.”

“Why not?”

Because you were broken-hearted, because you had to write a script, because you had to work for him, because you needed him to fall in love with you. But you wouldn’t tell him that.

You shrugged, not giving him an answer.

“I saw your tweets,” he pointed out. “What happened with Mr. Boring?”

“He’s not boring, and it doesn’t concern you.”

“Y/N, he is like actually super boring,” he pushed. “Like what did you even see in him?”

A lot, a lot of things. He was charming, fun, nice, intellectual and he supported your dreams. And he never got into your nerves.

“He was dreamy.”

“Dreamy?” Tom frowned. “He is boring.”

“He’s not.”

“That’s why you broke up, right? Don’t tell me you got back with him? He’s so boring y/n and he’s—“

“That doesn’t—Look, don’t even—This is strictly professional and we shouldn’t be discussing any personal matters okay?”

He chuckled. “Fine, let’s get into professional matters.”

And there you were, walking behind the big movie star as people boarded him, the director, other actors, everybody wanted to speak to Tom and you were only following after him, writing stuff down that you thought would be important for later, as you tried to follow up with everyone. You had made sure the catering had gotten Tom’s snacks right, and the water, and then the menu for later, and everything that Harry had told you to, and then you were leading the way towards his trailer, and then after setting up you’d go to makeup.

The set was big, and you felt butterflies just thinking that someday maybe you’d be writing or directing something of this sorts. The film world was fascinating to you, sure, television was amazing, too but this was just where you needed to be. Not exactly as an assistant but it got you closer to wherever you wanted to be.

You were approaching Tom's trailer, as you were trying to explain to him the schedule that would be going on down today, while your mind was going places as you tried to come up with times where you could be alone with Tom so you could at least start your investigation on knowing what made him fall in love with anyone, and you had to start flirting with him, although, he had already started on that. Very unprofessional. If you were honest, that was the least that concerned you, you were too busy imagining the day you’d finally direct your own film, but before you could even continue with your film fantasy, you saw….him.

Timothée.

You’d never had a heart attack, but you were sure you had just experienced one.

Timothée.

With some headphones around his neck and a pencil behind his ear, just outside Tom’s trailers as he was leaning over to read something on the person beside him.

Timothée.

He looked calm, and unaware that you were there. A white t-shirt, pair of jeans, and his curls flying.

Timothée.

You stopped abruptly, as Tom bumped against your shoulder. You froze, everything was getting blurry. This jeopardized everything you’d planned.

“Y/N--What?” Tom frowned as he followed your gaze and then he saw him. A frown appeared upon his face. “Is that mister boring?”

“Yes shut up I’m freaking out,” you snapped.

Tom scoffed. “You’ve got to be kidding me. What were the odds?”

“Sh.”

Tom watched you, and mockingly laughed. “What?”

“Oh my god, I can’t…”

“God look at him, he looks so boring,” Tom pointed out.

This was life laughing at you. “Can you please stop calling him boring?”

“You can do so much better than Mister… ,” Tom rolled his eyes. “Timothée,” Tom poisoned, accentuating each and every letter.

“Shut up.”

This was chaos. And Timmy finally looked up and directed his sight at you, those caramel eyes glazed right upon you, and you saw him, and there was that smile, perfect smile that had made you fall in love with him. He looked so divine, so fresh, as if he was floating. An angel.

How the fuck were you going to flirt around with the devil if your angelic ex boyfriend whom you still loved was going to be around?

“Y/N?” Timothée mouthed as he dedicated another smile at you.

You finally breathed in some courage and smiled at him, approaching him.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asked, softly, as his eyes were only on you. He had his ways making you feel like you were the only person in the whole world.

“I-”

“Timmo! Hello,” Tom intruded. “Hey, she’s my assistant, the real question is what are you doing here?”

Timothée finally looked up at Tom. “Thomas,” he said calmly. “Oh, really?” He turned his sight back to you. “Why didn’t you tell me, love--” he cleared his throat. “Y/N that uh, you’d be working with him.”

“I..”

“She doesn’t have to tell you everything, man,” Tom interrupted you for the second time. You nudged him.

“I just… didn’t think it was a big deal, but what are you doing here?”

“I’m kind of… an assistant of someone’s assistant, but hey, I’m part of the crew,” Tim grinned at you.

Tom watched between you both.

“Hey um, but what about your script?”

“She’ll have time to write it,” Tom pushed.

“I can talk for myself Tom, uh, here,” you handed him the keys to his trailer. “Why don’t you freshen up before we go over to makeup?”

Tom frowned. “Um, no, actually, I need you to come with me, I need to discuss some things,” Tom crossed his arms.

“Really? Even if we went through all of it?” You frowned.

“Yes, something just came up,” Tom smirked.

You wanted to hit him.

Timothée cleared his throat. “Maybe we can… talk later, okay? Later on a break?” Tim offered.

“Yeah, for sure,” you smiled at him but then Tom motioned to the trailer.

He walked in and you were quick to close the door.

“What is wrong with you?”

Tom scoffed. “I’m doing you a favour, y/n.”

“A favour?” You were about to kill him, but you didn’t. You remembered it. You were supposed to start liking him. “You know what? Whatever. Hurry up. We need to go straight into makeup, I’ll wait for you outside.

You were about to storm off before Tom stopped you.

“What?”

“Give me a smile,” he grinned.

You raised your middle finger at him and then stormed out. This wasn’t going to be easy.

However, he was rather decent after it, you went through makeup, wardrobe and eventually you were there, watching him walk into the set. You had a bottle of water waiting for him, along everything else he’d asked you.

He had been asking for a lot of things, every time he was sure that Tim was somehow close, Tom would bring up the most stupid request, and then add ‘please y/n, dear.’

He was terrible.

But you sat down, now ready to watch the scene. The director was giving him notes, and Tom was nodding, listening to him as he was getting ready. One of the things you had to admit that you loved about him, was his commitment, and even if you hated him, you knew he was very good at his job. Even the adorable facade he pulled to the world. You were very aware he was nice, and there were things that made you genuinely smile about him, but of course, he had a whole different persona when it came to you, and that’s when the magic simply stopped.

But you watched him as the light was falling to him, the frame was him and only him, even if he was not really doing much, you loved how he would change from whatever he was being and turn into an actual professional. And he looked attractive, even if the makeup he was wearing now covered the freckles you loved. And your mind wandered, a spring frame, maybe even beginning of summer, of strawberries and the sun shining, a turquoise bike and a race towards the ice cream parlour. Memories, memories, memories.

But you cleared your throat, not wanting to stare too much, even if the tight clothes he was wearing had you thinking. You thought it was ironic, even, 80’s type of clothing they’d chosen, and he… Had you thinking thoughts. Sins. But, honestly who wouldn’t sin with a devil like him?

But you looked away because you knew yourself, you knew the effect Tom had on you, and hell after that night, the effect had grown stronger.

You decided to look around, as you were trying to look up for Timmy.

Someone tapped on your shoulder.

“Hey,” someone whispered in your ear as you jumped in surprise, but finally turned your head to see Timothée standing right behind you.

“Hi,” you whispered as he grinned.

“Sorry for… scaring you,” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no you’re good, it’s okay, I just didn’t expect to see you here,” you admitted, your voice lowered as you finally laid your attention back on him.

“Yeah, it’s weird,” he chuckled. “Usually after a breakup, you don’t have to see your ex working with… Well,” he bit his lip, as he motioned for you to walk away with him, further from the cameras and mics.

“Yeah, with one of the reasons for the breakup,” you clicked your tongue. “But I mean.” You dug your hands into your pockets. Another reason as to why you hated Tom was that he’d been so delicate on trying to push you and Tim away from each other.

“You saw it, didn’t you? What I meant,” he sighed.

You looked away. “Tim.”

“He’s obsessed with you,” Tim scoffed as he shook his head. “And I can’t blame him, honestly, I am completely obsessed with you, too,” he grinned and you just smiled to yourself. “But… Well, it’s not exactly comforting to… you know.”

“He’s not obsessed with me, he doesn’t even like me,” you shrugged as you turned to see Tom as he was still listening to the director, too focused to know. “He’s… only trying to find ways to bother me.”

“Don’t you think that’s…” Timmy licked his lips.

“I can’t blame him, I kind of do the same,” you confessed, chuckling slightly. “Anything to see him angry.”

He pushed back a lost strand of hair. “Hm, maybe this is for the best, maybe right now we can finally spend time together.”

But you knew that the distance in your relationship hadn’t really come from actual space, you’d been emotionally distant to each other. However, when you looked into his eyes, maybe everything was forgotten. How could you not get lost into the way he looked at you?

But you couldn’t think about it now, you had something very important to do. Yet you couldn’t forget it, an autumn frame, with leaves falling down, as you ran towards him and you laughed as the night was fading in, eating cherries, and kissing him, once, twice and forever.

You coughed, as you avoided his gaze, coming back to normality.

“Tim, I…” You cleared your throat. “There’s something.”

“Why do I feel like I won’t like that something?” He scrunched his nose.

You licked your lips as you turned away, and you noticed Tom, you caught him staring. He quickly turned back to the director.

“I just really meant what I said, I need time right now,” you gulped. “I don’t think I can emotionally commit to anything, can we… please be friends?”

Timmy bit his lip but then grinned. “I’ll have to live with that,” he sighed. “But please don’t mind if I stare too long, I can’t help it, y/n. I’m an Icarus, remember?”

You nudged him. “Don’t fly too close to the sun,” you warned him.

He smiled. “C'mere, I’ll show you something cool,” he said as he led the way close back to where they were filming. They hadn’t started yet, but you saw Tom.

Tom gave you another glance and then ignored you.

You felt guilty, and weren’t sure why. But then you turned your attention to Timmy, who pointed out the lights on the set, and then to some props and explained what they meant and how it revolved around the story, and it was fascinating, knowing that little things that didn’t seem important would turn out to be so important.

“The story is hidden between the little details,” Tim said. “Like that flower pot, you see it?” He pointed to it.

“Yeah.”

“It’ll change through scenes, the pot will get darker as…” Timmy explained.

“Right,” you grinned.

But everyone started to shush everyone, they would start filming.

You had been quiet for the rest of the day, you had received Tom’s lunch and hadn’t even said any words to him. You’d been thinking about… a lot of things, really. But mostly Timothée, and how this was wrong. Very, very wrong. But there were worse things you could do, right?

Tom had decided to have his lunch in his trailer, and he’d invited you over with him. Of course, it probably was only because he didn’t want you around Timmy.

“Y/N?” Tom called. “Aren’t you going to eat?” He asked as you were biting on your cheek, nervously staring at the food.

“Hm? Oh, yes, sorry.”

He watched you. “So… I saw you talking to…” Tom cleared his throat. “Timothée,” he pronounced his name dragging his tongue and pitching his voice.

“Yeah.”

He blew his cheeks. “Hey, I can… I can get another assistant if you’re uncomfortable being near him…”

You chuckled. “Trying to get rid of me already?”

“No… I’m just… I don’t want you feeling sad,” he pointed out.

“I’m not sad.”

He shrugged. “Well, you look sad.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Tom shrugged. “And it bothers me.”

“Does it now?” You questioned.

“It’s my job making you sad and I’m angry he’s doing it,” he grinned.

You rolled your eyes. “Of course.”

“What happened then?” He pushed.

You looked away. “Nothing, Tom. We broke up, I told him we had to be friends for now, and that’s it.”

Tom watched you, he seemed calculated. He probably wanted ways to make you feel bad, that was Tom. Amazing memory when it comes to annoy you.

“Why did you break up?”

Distance. Him. Harry. Timothée knowing you got tired of waiting before and thinking you’d settled with him. Dreams that had to be changed for plans, and plans which involved being away. Timothée pointing out you had had feelings for Tom. You probably did. Timothée pointing out Harry was probably in love with you. You, being aware of it, but deciding to ignore it, or not accept it. Selfish conversations. Jealousy. Long conversations that turned into small talk. Because you felt like strangers. Intimacy was gone. No more sparks. Secrets that you both held. Tom. Because you’d gotten drunk once and said something about Tom that one shouldn’t say when you’re dating someone.

That was a summary.

“I… well, it’s too complicated.” A summary he didn’t deserve to know.

Tom shrugged. “Why?”

There was a part of you that was thinking about how you could make someone fall in love. You thought about Timothée, you loved how sincere he was. Maybe being sincere could help you. Being vulnerable helps.

“I think we fell in love very quickly and we didn’t stop to see if there was… anything else going on with us, like myself I—he just I dunno, we changed and we were so into the idea of who we were at the beginning.” You didn’t even know what you were trying to say.

“I’m not following.”

“I feel like,” you sincered yourself. “At least with me, it started out as… as me escaping from something else you know? I was trying to avoid other problems and it came as a simple solution but in the end I fell in love with him.” You didn’t regret falling in love with him.

“Meaning?”

“It was kind of a—getaway,” you licked your lips. “Escaping, but not really. I had too many feelings just trying to explode and I— I just let my feelings explode into him, I guess I wanted to love someone and he walked in.”

“A rebound?” Tom questioned.

“Not really.” Besides, you hadn’t talked about this with anyone, not even with Harry, or Sam. It felt wrong.

“So you were looking for a fling?”

“Well, no, it’s complicated,” you admitted. “But I just… really loved him, you know? But he’s very observant, and he caught up on it.”

“Observant, huh.”

“Yes and he pointed out things which I’ve been oblivious to, or maybe not oblivious but I was too dedicated to avoiding them that I forgot about them,” you sighed.

“What kind of things?”

“Stuff, I dunno,” you ran a hand through your hair.

He watched you, carefully. “What do you see in him anyway? He’s boring.”

You chuckled, slightly. “He’s brilliant, and besides, I can say more about him than that short skirt who asked you out today.”

He smirked. “Jealous?”

“What would I be jealous for?” You rolled your eyes. “If anything I’m thankful. I’m hoping she’ll be able to calm you and your horny ass down,” you bellowed.

He laughed. “She won’t be, I won’t go out with her.” He shrugged with fake shame.

You frowned. “Why not?”

Tom clicked his tongue. “Because, she’s…”

“Dull? Yeah, I noticed that too,” you chided. “Don’t date someone like her.”

Tom grinned. “I wasn’t going to,” he surmised. “But, please do tell me, what kind of people should I date?”

You bit your lip as you gave it a thought. “Someone with layers,” you began. “Fun, and who can put up with all your shit.”

He raised an eyebrow with a smug smirk. “Hm, sounds like someone like you?”

You laughed. “No, no, sweetheart,” you rolled your eyes. “Someone who can actually stand you”

He laughed as he moved his chair to be closer. “Since when do you care about who I date?”

You watched him with curiosity. “I don’t,” you cleared out. “What? Did you want me to care?

He coughed. “I love how you manage to change the subject to avoid talking about how boring your ex is.”

You nudged him. “He’s not boring, he’s amazing.”

“He’s not, I saw him explaining bloody props to you,” he laughed. “Props. God, he is boring, why did you date someone like him? He’s literally… Look, I remember this one time when he was rambling about some boring shit, see I can’t even remember what he said? And gosh, everything he says is so poetic, and it’s like bro calm down,” Tom said disgusted.

“I like that,” you laughed. “Maybe he’s just too smart for you, your little brain cell can’t handle it.”

He glared at you as he brushed his hand against your leg, you coughed looking at it. “Ha-ha, no, but really y/n, you should date someone fun, someone who can make you laugh.”

You smirked. “Hm… Since when do you care about who I date?” You said, walking your own fingers through his arm.

He shrugged. “I’ve always cared about that, don’t be silly,” he looked at you, as his hand stopped your fingers, and then played with your hand instead.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, y/n, because you’ve paraded around with assholes, man, you’re really bad at choosing boyfriends,” he chuckled as his other hand landed on your knee.

You laughed. “I do have a tendency to crush on assholes, I used to have a crush on you, remember?” You stated with pride as you lifted his chin.

He laughed as he bit his lip. “Point proven.”

You gulped and looked away. “But Tim is different.”

“But he is boring,” he scooted closer, you were barely an inch far away.

“He’s not.” You looked away

“What did you see in him?” He pushed again and turned your head to him. “Okay, was he good in bed?” He chuckled.

You blushed. “Oh my god, you shouldn’t ask that.”

He snickered softly as he leaned over closer. “All I’m asking, y/n, is…”He lowered his voice, you felt his hot breath against your lips. “...if he’s able to get you all flustered only by… playing this kind of game and,” he glanced down at your lips, as he placed a single peck upon the corner of your lips.

You didn’t even flinch. “Are you sure you’re not the one losing, though?”

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