#these two men are currently our common obsession

[plussizewritersworld]

“This town isn’t going to know what hit them.” Jerry said to Y/N.

“What exactly are we being hit with?” She asked.

“Formula One is being hosted here, a great sport.” Jerry was currently driving himself and Y/N to their town's City Hall to drop off banners and signs that she and he were working on for this sport.

“I still have no idea what you are talking about.” She told him.

“Racing Y/N, all those banners you have been slaving over for the past month are for the teams that are racing.” He said. He pulled into the parking lot of the building and put the truck in park. “I know you don’t get out much from that art studio but there is a huge track right down by Geller’s Mill and they get here tomorrow.”

“Yes I have noticed that Jerry thank you. I just didn’t think it was for something that is so called important.”

“It’s a televised sport Y/N…ESPN…your artwork is going to be seen around the world.” He explained. “Not only that but my hotel is hosting them…our businesses are going to blow up from this.” Y/N would be lying if she said that wasn’t cool. She has been working hard to advertise her shop and work but when living in a small town, you don’t get much publicity besides the internet.

“Well then, I guess we better show them how great our little home is.” She said and smiled.

The next day their small town went from quiet and peaceful, to large crowds coming in from all around the states so see this race. Y/N stood nervously beside Jerry as the two waited in the entrance of his hotel for these pro racers.

“Do you think the tie is too much?“ Jerry asked.

“You look very handsome Jerry…relax because you aren’t helping my nerves.” She told him. The two heard the sounds of voices starting to enter the hotel, the voices were brought to life when a large group of men entered.

“Welcome gentlemen!” Jerry greeted. “Any bags please sit on the trolleys and they will be taken to your rooms.”

“Thank you, this place is nice, very bed and breakfast like.” One man said, his accent was a thick Australian accent. “I’m Daniel Ricciardo.” He introduced shaking Jerry’s hand.

“Oh I know, big fan…big fan of all of you...I am Jerry.”

“I…I don’t know you so it’s nice to put a name to the face.” Y/N spoke. Daniel looked down at her, from the moment she locked eyes with him, she felt her knees want to buckle.

“There are a lot of names to remember…may I ask yours?“

“Y/N…Y/N L/N.”

“I will definitely remember that name.” He said and winked at her. “Oi Lando! Watch where you just toss my bags mate!” He shouted at the younger man.

“Please get settled, your room keys are here, labeled by names, if you have any needs or questions just call them at the front desk and I or someone else will be here to help.” Jerry explained. The large group all nodded and said their thank yous before finding their key and heading to their rooms.

“He is just a major flirt…the moment he opened his mouth I could tell.” Y/N said to Jerry as they organized his front desk.

“Oh you had those little doe eyes the moment he walked in.”

“There is nothing little about me Jerry, which is why he was flirting. It is easy to make a girl of my size swoon over you, which is what he wanted.”

“Where the hell did you hear that?” He asked.

“It’s just a fact…common knowledge. You wouldn’t know because you are too obsessed with Katherine Wills.”

“I’m going to marry that girl one day.” He said confidently.

“I know and I will help you do that.”

“That is why you are my best friend.”

That night when Jerry no longer needed Y/N’s help at the Hotel, she went to her art studio to do work on some commissions that needed to be completed soon. As she began to paint she began to wonder about her and Jerry’s conversation early that day. She meant by what she said, fat girls are easy to flirt with and if any girls were like her, they would give in to any attention that was given. All through high school she was single, never was asked on dates, went to prom with Jerry who she had known since Preschool, and just never caught anyones eye. She learned to be content with it. Now as an adult it did start bothering her, she sees everyone around her dating, getting engaged, or starting a family. She wanted that. She wanted the happy ending you see in a romance movie or read in a novel.

“It is drink-o-clock!“ She heard her front door of the studio open and her best friend's voice echoing, she set down her paintbrush and sighed.

“I am swamped Jerry.” She told him.

“You look like you came out of the swamps.” He teased referring to her clothes which were covered in paint, her hair in a messy bun. “Katy is going to be at the bar tonight, please come with me.” He begged. Y/N was a sucker when it came to Katherine and Jerry, both have clear feelings for each other, but both oblivious to it.

“I love hanging out with Katy so yes I will come.” She agreed. “Let me just lock up and we can go.”

The bar was the hang out for the young adults, with the town being so small, there wasn’t much to do. Jerry entered first and immediately went to order the two beers, Y/N saw Katy alone sitting at a table. She quickly went over and sat beside her.

“Oh Y/N thank goodness you are here.” Katy said to Y/N. “I was supposed to meet Kenny here but he bailed like usual.”

“Well…Jerry is here too…which here he comes.” Katy instantly grew red. Katy has been seeing Kenny Lewis on and off since freshman year in high school. He was the town football star that never made it.

“Ladies, I saw you didn’t have a drink so I got you one too.” Jerry told Katy, handing them both a beer.

“Oh thank you Jerry. Oh Y/N Mama was just askin, about you.” Katy said. “She heard from that man in California who wants you to send samples of your work.” Y/N’s eyes widened. She looked at Jerry in excitement.

“I owe your Mama the world!“ Y/N shouted.

“I think this calls for some shots.” Jerry said. The bar door opened and the room went silent for a moment. It was a couple of the racers, Daniel leading the group. Jerry waved them over and instantly Y/N sat down and went quiet. “We are just about to order celebration shots, y’all in?” Jerry asked the men.

“What are we celebrating?“ One asked.

“My girl over there.” Jerry said pointing at Y/N. All eyes were on her and she wanted to crawl below the table to just avoid the staring.

“Oh, I’m George Russell by the way, this is Max Verstappen, Daniel Ricciardo, and Lando Norris.” George’s accent made it clear he was from the UK. Jerry left to get the shots, leaving Y/N to have to do the talking, thankfully Katy was still there, and knew Y/N.

“I’m Katherine, I just told Y/N here that a man in California wants her to send some of her artwork to him.”

“You’re an artist?“ George asked.

“Trying to be. I own L-Little Wonders Studio.”Y/N answered.

“She also made those banners for your little race.” Katy added.

“You did those?” Daniel asked her, she looked at him and nodded her head. “They look amazing.”

“Thank you.” Y/N said.

“Shots for everyone!“ Jerry shouted, returning with a tray full of shots. “I know you two ladies aren’t a fan of whiskey so peach vodka it is.”

A couple hours later, a few more rounds of shots, and endless beers, Y/N was more than relaxed and more talkative. Daniel, Lando, Katy, and herself found themselves playing around a pool.

“I am terrible at this.” Y/N laughed trying to hit the white ball at the yellow stripe ball.

“It would help if you hit the right ball in.” Daniel laughed and moved her pool stick to aim and the fully colored red ball. “Should I be regretting my choice in picking you as a partner?“

“One hundred percent.” She laughed. “ But…I will try to win.” She lowered herself and aimed the stick, after a couple seconds she pushed the stick slightly and the white ball rolled straight past the red ball in which she was aiming for. She put her head down in defeat.

“I take it we win?” Katy asked.

“That’s a win for us!“ Lando shouted.

“Jerry, I won!“ Katy ran over to Jerry who was talking to Max and George.He wrapped his arm around her waist and smiled.

“Are they a thing?“ Daniel asked Y/N. In Y/N’s mind she instantly felt like Daniel wanted to make a move on Katy, which normally always happened.

“Um…I want to say yes. It’s that kind of situation where they both are madly in love with each other but neither one will make a move. Plus Katy still sees this guy from high school sometimes.” Y/N explained. Daniel nodded his head.

“What about you?” The question took her off guard, how was she supposed to say that she has always been single and never dated?

“There is nothing to really-work that keeps me too busy.” She lied, she picked up her beer and took a long gulp.

“With the Pool skills that you…I find that hard to believe.” He teased her. She shook her head and smiled.

“Not all of us are born athletes…are you excited for the race?” The two made their way to a table to sit down and chat.

“Always, it’s nice to have a couple days off before it though…that never happens.”

“I will be honest, I have never even heard of Formula One till I was told to make the banners.” She admitted. “I tried looking into it but nothing was making sense to me except for the fact that you drove around.”

“Oi yeah there is much more than that…but that’s okay it’s not your fault , I can teach you everything there is to know.”

“How kind of you -“

“Katy! The hell?“ Daniel and Y/N both looked towards the direction of the yelling.

“Oh boy.” Y/N got up and went over to Katy who was on the verge of tears. She took Katy away from the group and towards the bathroom to avoid Kenny but failed.

“You can’t be trusted to go out without guys just swarming your huh?!” Kenny shouted a few of his buddies with him. Katy turned around, her tears disappeared.

“It’s not like that…” When it came to Kenny, Katy always tried to justify him.

“Well I know they aren’t here to swarm Y/N.” Y/N looked down at the hurtful comment, his buddies laughing. “Is Jerry here trying to steal my girl?” Jerry stood up, ready to get rid of Kenny.

“We are just hanging out Kenny.” Jerry told him. “Clearly you are already drunk and should just go.”

“Let’s go Katy.” Kenny ordered. Katy was about to follow but Y/N gently took her hand stopping her.

“He’s drunk Katy, you are safer here.” Y/N told her.

“Take advice from the cow that’s real smart Katy, how about you tell her about what you say about her when she isn’t around?“ Y/N knew he was drunk and would say anything to get a rise out of them. “What about what Jerry boy here said?” Y/N looked at Jerry confused.

“Shut up Kenny.” Katy warned, which made Y/N think something really was said. Y/N let go of Katy and backed away.

“Did I miss something?” Y/N asked.

“God no, he’s being an ass like usual…Kenny go home.” Katy told him.

“Find better friends Y/N. These two seem to think you are holding them back.” Kenny told her, looking directly at Y/N. “What did you say exactly Jerry? You could have moved on but instead you're obligated to stay?“

“Jerry?” Y/N asked.

“He’s twisting the conversation up that we had, that's all.” Jerry confessed. “We just mentioned that with you being on your own and-“

“I never asked you for help, or to stay-for anything, from either of you.” She felt embarrassed. Everyone was witnessing this. “Um…I-I’m going to go.” She grabbed her belongings and rushed out of the bar, ignoring the calls from Jerry and Katy.

She went straight to her studio, her place of solitude. In the back she pulled out the pieces she was sending to the man in California. It made her think. Was this going to be her big break? Was she going to be able to leave this town and truly begin her career, or would it be another let down and she would have to start from square one again? She started to think about how she could have been holding Jerry back, even Katy. When her grandparents died a few years back she didn’t have anyone except them two, but she never asked them for anything, just their support in anything she did, like she did with them. She has always been able to pay her bills, work, and survive.

She heard the front door of the studio open and she quickly went out prepared to see Jerry and Katy. It wasn’t them, which hurt, instead it was Daniel. She was expecting to see him.

“Hope you don’t mind me stopping by.” He said.

“N…no of course not.” She replied. “Hi.”

“Hi-uh…felt bad with how things went down back there and no one was coming so I figured I would…see if you are alright.” She looked down and nodded her head.

“I’m okay, I’m sorry you guys had to be there for that. Definitely not something we would want you to remember our town for.”

“Don’t apologize. Everyone has something going on. We aren’t perfect either.” He began to walk around and look at the pieces hanging on the wall that she had made. She began to get nervous, she knew being an artist she should be used to everyone seeing her work, but she was also afraid of criticism.

“You shouldn’t have left because of me.” She told him.

“Nah, it got pretty awkward and I don’t really like tension like that…you got some really nice work.”

“Thank you.” She smiled.

“What are you sending to California?“ He asked.

“They are back here.” She led him to the back of her shop and presented her work, four canvas paintings she had been working on for a year, only the fourth one wasn’t complete. Each one represented a key person in her life. “The first one is my parents which are two foggy silhouettes because I never really knew them, the second is my grandparents represented as gold because they raised me, shaped me into who I am, and the third is Katy and Jerry who are blue because I find the color blue peaceful and I always find my peace when I’m with them.” She explained.

“The fourth?” He asked.

“Not done…I have been struggling with that one.” She admitted.

“Really amazing Y/N.” He told her. “Your look on people…I admire that.” She looked up at him, taking in his words, once again feeling like a high schooler with her first crush.

“I don’t want to take people in my life for granted. Time can be short and I know the way I left the bar made it seem like I was angry with Katy and Jerry…really I would never want to make them feel like I am preventing them from doing anything, just want what is best.”

“What about what’s best for you?”

“I always say leaving here would be best but really I think it’s just finding what makes me happy…which is art, no matter where I am.”

“Do you want to see the track?” He asked her.

“What?”

“Let’s go see the track.”

“Are we allowed to?”

“I don’t see why not.” He replied, Y/N did not like that answer.

He refused the answer No for answer, which ended Y/N up at the track. She was amazed by how big it really was. She had no idea how much work was actually put into building it. He led around what they called the paddock. She looked around amazed by the view, and when she saw his car, it was even more amazing.

“This car…it looks very complicated.” She looked inside.

“If you don’t know what you are doing, then yes it can be.”

“How long have you been racing?” She asked.

“Over ten years with Formula One…you really haven’t heard of us before?” He asked.

“I don’t watch sports, plus when I did hear about it, I thought what could be so cool about cars going around in a circle…like what’s that other one called?”

“NASCAR…wow you really just said that.” She quickly began to apologize, meaning to insult his career.

“I am so sorry, I really didn’t mean it like that-“

“It’s alright, I’ll let it slide this time.” He teased her. “I want to show you something.” He took her hand without warning and led her out of the paddock and towards what she heard Jerry mention a couple times, the podium. She nervously followed him up to where three winners would stand.

“My favorite spot to be.” He told her. “In the center, fans cheering, all eyes on you.” He helped her up to stand on the center one. She looked down at him and smiled.

“I wouldn’t be able to handle all the eyes on me.” She told him.

“How about just mine then?” Her face grew red with embarrassment , she quickly got down and looked at her feet. “Do compliments make you nervous?”

“You make me nervous.” She admitted, forcing herself to look up at him.

“Why?” He took a step closer to her, closing the gap between them. Her thoughts were clouded by his presence being so close to her, it wasn’t till he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer that she realized what was happening. She quickly snapped to reality and placed her hands on his chest to stop him.

“I’m sorry…this-we should go.” She told him. He let her go and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Y-yeah alright, it’s getting late.” She nodded her head in agreement.

What was she thinking? What was he thinking? Was he really going to kiss her? Would she have let him? She laid in her bed, unable to actually fall asleep, she needed advice, she needed to tell someone what happened, she needed her best friends. She reached for her phone and sent them a text in their group chat. Immediately she got an answer. She climbed out of bed and changed into sweat pants and a sweater to meet Jerry and Katy at her studio.

“What’s wrong?” Katy was there already waiting at the front door.

“I will explain inside when-“

“I came as quickly as I could.” It was Jerry running up to the girls. Y/N unlocked the studio door and the three of them went inside. “What is going on?“ Jerry added.

“I am really sorry it is late and considering what happened at the bar I didn’t even think you would come.” Y/N said. She reached into her small little fridge and pulled out three beers.

“I didn’t think you would have reached out to us…I am glad you did.” Katy said and smiled.

“I am too…something happened earlier today.” Jerry and Katy both remained silent, waiting for the story. “Daniel was here, he came after I left…and he ended up taking me to the race track.”

“You-him-you actually went?“ Jerry asked.

“We talked a lot, and then…I think he was going to kiss me.”

“Y/N! So he didn’t kiss you?” Katy asked excitedly.

“I stopped him. I got nervous and I had never kissed anyone before and I started to think of all these reasons why I did the right thing in not letting me kiss him.” Katy shook her head. “He could be just looking for a small fling while here, using me for who knows what-“

“Stop right there. Even if he was just looking for a fling…you should have just let him.” Katy told her.

“Remember what I told you Jerry?“ Jerry looked down sadly. “I fell right into that trap.”

“What trap?” Katy looked confused.

“She seems to think that girls of the bigger size are easy to flirt with because they accept any sort of attention-“

“Which I have come to terms with, but I won’t allow myself to let that happen…which I almost did…I could see myself falling hard for him but I also could see myself getting hurt.” Katy took Y/N’s hands into her own.

“My Mama always told me to take chances. Never miss any opportunities that could be given to you, even when it comes to relationships. You have this handsome man taking interest in you, don’t let something that could be the biggest adventure in your life slip away because of your own insecurities.” Katy looked over at Jerry, who was looking away, avoiding her gaze. She looked back at Y/N. “People enter our lives for a reason, it could be good, bad, forever, or just for a moment…but we still had them at one point.”

“I don't want to get hurt.” Y/N whispered.

“If that happens we will be right here to mend you up…they have two days till their race festivities begin .How about we show him what kind of fun we like to have.” Katy suggested. Y/N smiled and nodded her head.

“Jerry, would you like to go on a double date?” Katy asked him. He looked at her like a deer in headlights.

“S…sure, of course.”

“Then it’s settled, Jerry, when you see Daniel tomorrow morning I need you to set the plans and us ladies will meet you.”

“Oh I have to plan it?” Jerry asked. Katy looked at Y/N in annoyance. “I can…I just wanted to be sure.” Jerry quickly stuttered.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror. Katy dressed her in a yellow sundress and white small heels. Daniel agreed to go out with them, she had no idea what Jerry had planned, he was probably just as nervous seeing as he was finally going on a date with Kathrine. Katy was the one driving, she was just in the dark but she didn’t show any sort of sign that she was nervous, Y/N wished she was like her. The confidence Katy had was something Y/N would admire.

“That man really is something.” Katy said as they pulled into the parking lot of the bowling alley.

“I think it’s a great idea, and when was the last time we actually went bowling?“ Y/N asked.

“Senior year of high school…Kenny ditched me.”

“And who was there to replace him?” Y/N asked, smiling. Katy looked at her.

“Why do you think I asked him to plan this Y/N? This is a real date for him and I too…I inspired myself as well last night with my speech.” Y/N shook her head and laughed. “You look very pretty by the way.” Katy added.

“So do you.”

The two girls entered the bowling alley and many memories of their younger days were instantly brought back. Now being adults they didn’t have time to really go out and have a night of fun that did not consist of just the bar. They went to the counter and got their shoes.

“Over here!” They heard Jerry shout, both girls looked and saw Jerry and Daniel already at a lane with a couple pictures of beer. Y/N grew extremely nervous the moment she saw Daniel. He looked really handsome with a big smile on his face. The two girls approached and greeted them both.

“We got the beers and the teams sorted out.” Jerry announced. “Katy and I, Y/N and Daniel.” Y/N nodded her head and sat down to put on her shoes. Daniel said beside her.

“I have seen your pool skills…how are your bowling skills?” He asked her. She leaned up from putting in her shoes.

“I am a pro at bowling…my record is seventy six…going to try and break the record and get at least one hundred.” She joked.

“Alright hot shot, let’s see if you can win us a game then.” She nodded her head and smiled. She was the first to go up and grabbed the lightest ball. She lined herself up in the lane and positioned herself. She moved her arm back with the ball, aimed, and released, straight into the gutter.

“That’s okay, just a warm up.” Daniel said, clapping. He got up and picked Jed another ball. “Try this ball.”

“It’s too heavy.” She told him.

“That’s a good thing though, trust me.” She took the ball with two hands and turned back around. “Here, try standing like this.” He placed his hands on her hips which she wanted to move away from him but she didn’t, she remained still. “It’s all about where your arm is when you release that ball.” He stood close against her, guiding her arm back. She felt his breath against her neck as we leaned down to her height. He had his hand placed on top of hers as they both released the ball, without him moving an inch they watched as the ball hit the pins, creating a strike. She turned around excitedly to him.

“Thank you.” She said to him, moving away from how close they were. He took notice and also moved away.

“Alright, watch the real pros do this.” Katy said getting up and getting a ball. Y/N sat down and poured herself a beer into her empty cup. Daniel sat beside her and took a gulp of his own.

As the night went on, Y/N felt herself relaxing more. She and Daniel didn’t talk much, but they were winning, thanks to him, eventually they did win.

“Oh Jerry…we have to get your game up.” Katy said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry but who scored a one-eighty. It surely wasn’t you.” Jerry laughed. She gently smacked his arm. Y/N watched as her two best friends were enjoying their first date together, though was it really their first date? She took a sip of her beer and looked down at the floor.

“Did you have fun?” Daniel asked her.

“I did.” She replied, she felt like she didn’t have the words to say. She was getting nervous again.

“Can we go talk for a bit?” He asked her. “Maybe outside?” She wanted to say no, she wanted to forget what happened the other night, she wanted to just move on.

“S…sure.”

The two excused themselves and she followed him outside to where it was quiet and they were alone.

“I want to apologize for last night. If I made you uncomfortable or anything…that was never my intention.”

“N-no it wasn’t that. It’s hard to explain and even if I did…it wouldn’t really…I just-“

“Jerry told me. He told me not to say anything but I felt like-“

“What did he tell you?” She asked, interrupting him.

“Just about your insecurities and worries about what my intentions are toward you.” She looked down, wishing this conversation wasn’t happening. “I can see why you did what you did last night not letting me kiss you, but I wish it wasn’t because you think I am using you or anything.”

“What are your intentions?” She bluntly asked. “I have never put myself out there and I feel like if I did it would be for no reason…it can’t be because you like me. You don’t even know me…it’s not like this can really be anything if that’s even what you want.”

“I do like you which is why I want to get to know you, that’s what dating is.” He defended.

“You have traveled the world, seen and met so many different people. What about me is so different?”

“Why are you holding me to standards? You think because I am a pro athlete that I want to pursue supermodels…I don’t see the world like that. I am not some superficial guy.” She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like crying, she felt like she made a fool of herself, he could tell she was getting worked up. His face softened and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry.” She told him.

“Don’t apologize for the way that you feel. I completely understand, I just want you to see that one hundred percent honest and genuine.”

“I don’t want to get hurt.”

“I would never hurt someone like you, not intentionally, but that doesn’t mean I will hurt because I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen.” She looked at him, seeing if he meant every word. “Let me treat you for the next few days like the way you should be treated…starting with another game of kicking their asses.” She smiled and nodded her head. He took her hand in his and led the way back inside. Y/N quickly stopped him when the two approached Jerry and Katy who were just about to kiss.

“We leave the kids alone for a few minutes and this happens.” Daniel announced, Jerry quickly pulled away from Katy, his face beat red.

“This is why I said they needed a chaperone Daniel.” Y/N added. “These kids these days just can’t keep it in their pants.” Y/N sat down and refilled her cup.

“I’m thinking of no phones for a week…grounded…extra chores.”

“Are you two done yet?” Katy asked, rolling her eyes.

“I’m sure I can think of a couple more.” Daniel joked and the four of them laughed.

The night ended better than Y/N expected. She was tired and ready to go home.

“I’m going to drive Katy’s car home, she is drunk and I would feel better knowing she got home.” Jerry told Daniel and Y/N. He helped a slightly drunk Katy to her feet and wrapped his arm around her waist to keep her steady.

“I don’t mind driving you home.” Daniel said to Y/N.

“Text me when you get her home.” Y/N told Jerry.

The drive home was quiet, she stared out the window till she heard the radio come on.

“I love this song.” He began to tap the steering wheel, a huge smile on his face. She looked at him, she couldn’t help but smile as well. “Tell me you know the words.” The song was Happier by Bastille, it was one of her favorite songs.

“I love it too, a top favorite actually.” He began to sing along with the song, looking over at her. “I won’t sing though.” She told him. He looked at the road and then back at her.

“Come on…I need a partner.” He pushed. She shook her head and laughed. “I know you want to, it’s bubbling inside.” She looked out the window and then back at him, she gave in and began to sing along with him. The two sang together till they reached her house. He put the truck in park and the two then we’re once again in silence.

“I had fun tonight…thanks for teaching me how to bowl.” Y/N broke the silence.

“Thank you for letting me…for giving me a chance.” She looked down and fiddled with her fingers.

“I am sorry for assuming anything about you. I was just scared…guys don’t take interest in me and when they do it is just for a joke.” She told him.

“I can assure you that I am not treating you or this as a joke. I really do like you.” He assured her, she looked at him and nodded her head. He got out of the car and then opened her door to help her out. She took his hand and the two walked to the front door of her house.

“Tomorrow we start our practices on the track…after that would you like to go get dinner?” He asked her.

“Yeah I would like that.” She answered, he leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. “Goodnight.” She whispered.

“Goodnight.” He smiled.

The days leading up to his main race flew by, but they spent every moment they could together. She got to know Daniel more and more, and the more she did, the more she was falling for him. All these concerns started to arise in her head. He was the day after the race. It wasn’t till she was standing in the paddocks with Jerry and Katy that it was really going to be ending soon. Even with all the commotion of the race, she felt like all she could hear was silence.

“This is so exciting…I have been dying to catch a race in person and now here we are, in the heart of it all.” Jerry said.

“Not my cup of tea.” Katy disagreed. “Though it beats sitting in the stands.” Daniel was already out on the track. The race was about to begin.

“Show more enthusiasm girl, your man is out there.” Katy joked nudging Y/N. Was he her man? We’re they a thing? Are they going to be a thing?

After the race Daniel ended up in sixth place, or what she recently learned P6. She was happy for him, and his team seemed to be as well. He exited his car and went straight to the paddock where he was greeted with cheers and congratulations. He found Y/N watching a screen that had all the stats and records of the race.

“Understanding it?” He asked, sneaking behind her, she shook her head and laughed.

“No but it is amusing to watch.” She turned to him. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, not my best but not my worst either. Listen, the guys and I are going to do one last hooray at the bar tonight and I want you there.”

“Of course.”

The bar was filled with Formula One drivers, all drinking and enjoying the night. Y/N had a hard time even squeezing through the crowd till she felt someone grab her hand and pull her to a table. It was Daniel’s partner Lando.

“Daniel is getting drinks for the table now…have a seat.” Lando offered her. She tucked a loose strain of her behind her ear and sat down nervously.

“Congratulations on the race today.” She said.

“Thanks love, did you like watching?”

“I really did, it was fun.”

“Good thing I bought plenty…hello darling.” Daniel said approaching with a tag of beers, she smiled, blushing at his nickname for her.

“Thank you.” She said taking one. “Jerry and Katy are on their way now.” She told him.

“Sweet, I have to speak to that man anyways.” Daniel said, referring to Jerry. “Let’s drink up because it’s going to be a long flight tomorrow.” Daniel said, raising his beer. Y/N gently raised her beer, a sting of sadness struck her body. She wondered if he was just as sad, or was it just her? She took a small sip and looked around at everyone enjoying their night without any cares or worries, something was going to try to do.

“It really is that simple.” Y/N laughed as she watched Lando who was pretty buzzed draw a butterfly on a napkin.

“Why the hell is one wing smaller than the other?” The two laughed uncontrollably, both feeling the effects of the alcohol they have been drinking.

“He’s just a little special in his own way.”

“How about we him name is Daniel.” Then the two shared another laugh.

“Name who Daniel?” Daniel approached the two who were basically in their own little world while everyone else were conversing and drinking.

“Daniel…meet Daniel.” Lando handed him the napkin. “I haven’t autographed yet but it’s by me.” Daniel nodded his head, admiring his friend's drawing.

“It’s lovely mate…Y/N want to get a beer with me?” Y/N nodded her head and got up from the table. “I’ll bring you one Lando.” Lando waved the two off and began to wander around to find his other friends.

“Enjoying the night?” Daniel asked as they waited to be she,led by the bartender.

“Yeah…you?”

“I am.”

“Did Jerry and Katy come yet?” Y/N asked.

“They are somewhere around here…hey can we get two beers please and two fireball shots.” Y/N looked up at Daniel like he was crazy.

“I don’t drink fireball.” She told him.

“For me you will.” He told her. She looked down, taken back by his demanding tone. The bartender handed him the two beers and two shots. “Ready?” He asked giving her the shot glass. She took a deep breath then nodded her head. The two cheers then quickly she down the shot. She quickly chased down the burning sensation with her beer, holding back any faces to mask the taste.

“Awful.” She said and smiled.

“Warms you right up though.” He joked, she nodded her head agreeing. “Let's party then.” He took her hand and led her back towards the crowd.

The night was coming to an end and both Y/N and Daniel sobered up. She didn’t want to end the night being wasted and end up hung over the next morning.

“Can I show you something before you go back to the hotel?” Y/N asked Daniel.

“Sure, let’s head out.” Y/N and Daniel went back to her Studio. She had been working on her last piece to send to California and wanted to show him before he left. She was nervous about what his reaction would be but at the same time excited that she finally finished. She unlocked her studio door and led him inside, straight towards the back. She didn’t say a word, she waited, letting him see the painting.

“Y/N…this is amazing.” She looked at her creation. It was Daniel. Shades of yellow surrounding him. “When did you even have time-“

“I worked all day yesterday and last night.”

“Why did you pick me?” He asked.

“You are the person who showed me that it’s okay to want to venture out of your comfort zone, to trust, and take a risk. You always have this aura of positive vibes and that’s why I picked the color yellow. You brought out a person that I want to be and helped me to see that.” She explained. “Even if our story is a small chapter…it will help me to continue to the end.”

“It doesn’t have to be a small chapter.”

“You leave tomorrow-“

“That doesn’t mean we end…besides I have something for you.” He reached into pocket and pulled out his wallet. Inside his wallet and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to her and she began to unfold it. When she opened it and began to read it, she instantly looked at him.

“You want me…when?”

“In two weeks we will be in Texas. You, Jerry, and Katy will meet me there, after that you will come with me to England.”

“Daniel I can’t-“

“You can, and you will. You said it yourself…as long as you are doing art it doesn’t matter where you are. What better way to inspire yourself than exploring a whole new country.”

“My shop…”

“…will be taken care of by Jerry and Katy…anymore excuses you want to think of so I can shoot them down?” She looked at him, trying to figure out if this was real or not.

“You want me to travel with you?” She asked sincerely.

“When I saw you watching me…being there in the paddocks…made me feel happy knowing I had someone there.” She looked down, he gently lifted her chin with his fingers, forcing her to look at him. “I told you I like you.”

“And you won’t regret it?” He chuckled, shaking his head no. “Promise?” Without saying anything else he carefully leaned down, hovering his lips over hers. She closed her eyes, not stopping him this time. He closed the gap between them, pulling her close against him by wrapping his arms around her. She rested her hands on his chest and she leaned into his kiss. Every romance novel, song, and movie were right, this first kiss was a special moment and it was one she would never forget.

“I promise.” He whispered to her.

#daniel ricciardo x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula one #romance #f1 x reader #f1 #f1 fic #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #george russell

[squarebracket-trickster]

okayokayokayokay fine I'll do the Nine People Tag I've been procrastinating on.

Nine People Tag

Thank you to @writeblr-of-my-own over here, @boundedsea over here, @digital-chance over here, and @scribe-of-stories over here,

I always procrastinate on this one because I don't listen to a lot of music or watch a lot of shows or movies in any given month, and most of the books I read are between 500 and 1400 pages so I don't finish them quickly. I try to put this tag off until my answers are actually changed from what they were last time I got tagged.

No pressure tagging: @stesierra, @fictionalbullshitter, @ashen-crest (I wanna hear your thoughts on Nimona), @thesoftestofpetals, @phynewrites, @touloserlautrec, @scribe-cas, @ambiguouspuzuma, and @alnaperera

Three Ships

I am soooo outing myself with the first two... 1. Azula/Yue - Avatar: the Last Airbender 2. Mairon/Melkor - The Silmarillion etc. 3. Nikolai/Zoya - Grishaverse (King of Scars etc.)

Currently Listening

Uhhh I was listenening to Taylor Swift on shuffle while peeling shrimp for dinner.

Last Movie

NIMONA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently Reading

Still The Lost Hero, Toll the Hounds, and like 20 other books and Ao3 fics I fully intend to get back to. I am just SUCH a mood reader.

Currently Watching

My friends and I are gonna get back our AtLA marathon sometime this week. We've all seen it a thousand times but we haven't all watched it togher.

Currently Consuming

I had pesto rotini, spotted prawns, and roasted eggplant for dinner.

Currently Craving

Cheesecake would be really nice.

Last Thing Searched (for Writing Purposes):

Anelace. It's a term for a small dagger which became common place for men (and arguably women) to carry in the 14th century as part of their daily outfit, primarily to use for eating. You had to bring your knife to dinner back then.

Current Obsession:

Actually, my WIP. I am really stoked!! I am also kind of scared that I will wake up any day now and suddenly the motivation to work on it will be gone. I feel like I have to seize on it while it lasts. But I also have to pace myself so I don't burn out, and I have to take time away from the project so I can come back with fresh eyes. But I don't. want. to. I want to convert myself into primordial aether and reform in the shape of a projector screen playing my WIP out from start to finish like a movie. I am restless. I need this out of my body. ahhhh

#wipvii #tag game

[warningsine]

As healthy people get older, the brain decreases slightlyTrusted Source in size. However, in people with dementia, as nerve cells are damaged and die, many regions of the brain shrink, a process known as brain atrophy. So, could a larger brain help reduce a person’s risk of dementia?

A new study, from UC Davis Health, has suggested that it might. Researchers found that people born in the 1970s had brains that were, on average, 6.6% larger than those of people born in the 1930s. They suggest that larger brain size means increased brain reserve — which may reduce the risk of age-related dementias.

The study is published in JAMA NeurologyTrusted Source.

“While these newly published results add to the body of literature on brain size and changes over time, this study was largely conducted in healthy, well-educated, non-Hispanic White individuals, and so [these findings] are not necessarily generalizable to other groups or individuals.” — Ozama Ismail, PhD, Alzheimer’s Association director of scientific programs, who was not involved in the study.

Dementia’s effects on the brain

Currently, around 58 millionTrusted Source people worldwide have dementia, and that number is projected to reach 152.8 million by 2050.

Although some memory loss is a natural part of aging, dementia is not. Dementia describes a range of diseases, with the most common, being Alzheimer’s disease, causing 60-80% of cases. Others include vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia (which may be associated with Parkinson’s disease), frontotemporal dementia, and mixed dementia.

Symptoms of dementia, which worsen over time, may include:

memory problems

asking the same question repeatedly

difficulty finding or understanding words

feeling confused in unfamiliar environments

problems dealing with money and numbers

anxiety and withdrawal

difficulty planning and carrying out tasks

mood, personality and behavior changes

sleep disturbances

obsessive tendencies

In all types of dementia, as brain cells are damaged and die, there is some degree of brain shrinkageTrusted Source, with this being particularly pronounced in Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia.

Human brain sizes are increasing

This study looked at participants in the Framingham Heart Study (FHS). This long-term study has followed 15,000 individuals for more than 75 years.

Of the FHS cohort, 3,226 people had two MRI scans that were suitable for this study. Of them, 1,706 (53%) were women, and 1,520 (47%) were men. The scans measured intracranial volume (ICV), cortical gray matter, cerebral white matter, hippocampal volume, cortical surface area, and cortical thickness measures.

The participants were all born between 1930 and 1970, with the median decade of birth being the 1950s. People born in the 1970s were, on average, 1.6 inches taller than those born in the 1930s, so the researchers adjusted for this when comparing brain measurements.

People born in the 1970s had greater brain volumes than those born in the 1930s.

They had a 6.6% greater ICV, 7.7% more white matter, 2.2% more cortical gray matter, 5.7% greater hippocampal volume, and 14.9% larger cortical surface area. The one measure that had decreased was cortical thickness, which was 20.9% lower. These differences remained significant when the researchers adjusted for height differences.

“The decade someone is born appears to impact brain size and potentially long-term brain health,” said Charles DeCarli, MD, first author of the study, distinguished professor of neurology, and director of the UC Davis Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center in a press release.

“Genetics plays a major role in determining brain size, but our findings indicate external influences — such as health, social, cultural and educational factors — may also play a role,” he said.

“Larger brain structures like those observed in our study may reflect improved brain development and improved brain health. A larger brain structure represents a larger brain reserve and may buffer the late-life effects of age-related brain diseases like Alzheimer’s and related dementias.” — Charles DeCarli, MD

Larger brain size may indicate lower dementia risk

Previous studiesTrusted Source have suggested that larger brain volume protects against the effects of dementia pathology, arguing that those with a greater head circumference can endure a greater degree of damage before they start to show cognitive impairment.

This ‘brain reserve hypothesis’Trusted Source suggests that a larger brain volume, with more neurons and synaptic connections, could provide protection against cognitive decline from brain atrophy. Experts use ICV on MRI and head circumference as indicators of brain volume.

However, this observed effect could be due to other factors, as Ismail told Medical News Today:

“Larger brain volumes may be beneficial in maintaining resilience to cognitive decline and dementia, but many other factors can contribute to resilience, including genetics, environment, socioeconomic status, education, and active vs. sedentary lifestyle.”

Other studiesTrusted Source have stressed that cognitive reserve — how well the brain functions — is more important than actual brain size in relation to dementia risk. People with a higher cognitive reserve tend to show dementia symptoms later, but then decline faster once symptoms become evident.

The researchers in this study suggest that the increase in brain volumes over the four birth decades in their study could predict a lower risk of dementia in people born later in the FHS.

Call for more diverse studies

The researchers acknowledge that their study cohort was predominantly non-Hispanic White, healthy, and well-educated, so not representative of the general population of the United States. However, they emphasize that the strengths of the study include the fact that it has followed 3 generations, spanning more than 80 years of births.

Ismail called for further studies that include a greater diversity of people:

“More diversity in research populations is needed before conclusions can be made about changes in brain size over generations and the influence it may have on cognition, resilience, and dementia risk.”

“This is particularly important given the known sociocultural and health disparities that exist in underrepresented populations,” he added.

The Alzheimer’s Association’s U.S. Study to Protect Brain Health Through Lifestyle Intervention to Reduce Risk (U.S. POINTER), which should publish results next year, aims to help address this gap in the research, as Ismail told MNT:

“In the U.S. POINTER Study, more than 2,000 volunteer older adults who are at increased risk for cognitive decline are enrolled and will be followed for two years. Nearly 30% of current participants are from populations historically underrepresented in Alzheimer’s/dementia research.”

#neuroscience #dementia #health

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #104

(taken january 22nd; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah, when I was way younger.

Did your grandparents teach you anything? To not be an old-fashioned, holier-than-thou piece of fucking garbage that refuses to change with the times and kiss the feet of an invisible mass murderer in the sky.

What are the longest and shortest romantic relationships you’ve been in? Longest, over 3 1/2 years. I was with Juan less than 24 hours.

Have you ever been obsessive over calories, exercise etc.? I've had multiple phases of this.

What are you listening to? So Rammstein's vocalist has an independent band as well and I sometimes explore his solo work and I'm currently obsessed with "Ich weiß es nicht" and I've just fully accepted chaotic 50-60 y/o men dominate my interests lmfao

How is the weather outside? It's raining. I wish it would just snow already, I really wanna get pretty winter weather pictures this year.

List eight things you like about your best friend. He is extremely patient, absolutely hilarious, a strong listener, the most loyal person I've ever met, very obviously genuinely cares about me, he's a very hard worker that's super dedicated to whatever he sets his mind to, he's very good with animals (especially dogs), and he's super intelligent.

List two favourite colours. Pastel pink and coral.

What was the last book you read? I started Wings of Fire: Talons of Power the other day.

How many best friends do you have? I only feel like I'm being entirely accurate in the sense of what I consider an absolute best friend to be when I answer with Girt, but I know some people will be like "oh he doesn't count" because he's my partner, but whatever. If not him, then it's Mom, buuuut again, I know some won't consider that a valid answer. My closest friends that are just friends and not blood or anything are both Tez and Mazzy, though.

Are you holding back doing or saying anything? Yeah, I guess. Nothing very important, though.

Have you ever been used? Oh I'm sure I have been, in one way or another.

Are you pregnant? Zero chance of that.

Do you want to be? BIG no on that one.

Can you describe your entire family in three words? Complicated, strained, distant.

What’s the first thing you see when you look out your window? Our road and houses across the street.

What’s your favorite fair food? I actually don't know; I've been to so very few and tried barely any food. I do know that I actually don't like funnel cake, though.

What’s something you always wear, even in the shower? Piercings.

How did you feel after your first kiss? There was a whole lotta butterflies and shyness but also tons of happiness and peace and the feeling that I was in the midst of something wonderful. Girl if you only knew lmfao

What’s your state's or country’s minimum wage? $7.25/h 🙃 proven to be properly unlivable here

What was the best thing you ever did for your parents, legal guardians or parental figures? hell if I know honestly

Have you ever worn a suit? No but women in suits is FUCKING HOT

Would you rather make 2D or 3D art? 2D. Sculptures and stuff aren't my thing, at least when it comes to ME making them. I love looking at that kinda stuff, though.

Do you eat candy corn? No, I hate that shit.

Were either of your parents baptized? I can absolutely, positively guarantee my mom was, but idk about Dad.

The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? Nah.

Do you think pepperoni would be good on a meatball sub? I don't even like meatball subs to begin with because the bread gets so damp and gross.

Has anyone killed one of your pets before? Well, yes. Growing up we had cats get hit by cars a lot. I've told the story of our then-neighbors' rottweilers getting loose and going on a cat massacre once too, but I honestly don't blame the owners and haven't for a very, very long time. Those dogs were smart and it wasn't like them getting loose was even a remotely common thing. It was entirely an accident.

Does your bathroom have a theme to it? Neither one does.

Are any rooms in your house themed? Not really. I WANT to redesign mine with more of a nature-y vibe, though.

Is there someone that you have lost respect for recently? My grandmother, who I ALREADY didn't respect at all.

Have you ever edited an article on Wikipedia? No.

Do you remember your first love? I am not AT ALL exaggerating the times I say that I very sincerely doubt that I would forget Jason even if I developed dementia/Alzheimer's. Some patients do remember specific details of their lives and I am fully convinced that would be me with him.

What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? The Internet, lmao.

Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No.

Is there such a thing as being too rich or too poor? Obviously?????????????

Go back to your freshman year; what kind of music were you listening to? Same stuff as now, various forms of metal, but I would also listen to more scream-y stuff.

Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No.

What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? That I'm incredibly dumb. People who know me, especially family, always love to point out I'm "super smart" (when it comes to book-type knowledge, everyone knows I have terrible common sense) but I very much feel like they just think about how I performed up through high school. I don't know WHAT happened once I started college (my one and only guess is that my trauma genuinely affected my memory and even how I register information), but it did a fantastic job at making me feel appallingly stupid and unable to process new information. It's probably always going to upset me, how much I changed in terms of learning.

What about something people think of you that you don’t agree with? That I handle kids quite well. I always feel like I'm doing or saying the total wrong thing and acting awkwardly, and even seeing evidence that kids DO seem to gravitate towards me doesn't make me believe that I'm actually good with them.

What is your favourite type of video game? Horror, esp psychological-type horror.

Do you sometimes pretend to do things you dont know how to do? No, that sounds like a bad idea.

If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? I want to say my inner forearm, I think.

Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No.

If you died right now, what would be your biggest regret? Never feeling like I found my place in the world.

What do you believe was your greatest achievement? Healing from the breakup. I know it sounds super little and unimpressive, but when you know how desperately I just always wanted to be dead and the psychological damage it all did that I STILL deal with, you'd realize it was a feat of fucking strength and self-love that I frequently forget about.

What have you learned from pain? To cherish every single moment without it and to also have empathy and understanding.

What was the last text or IM you sent? Girt was asking about moving our hangout day to Wednesday, which I told him was fine; he just feels like having the weekend to himself. I wanted to see him, but I'm not actually upset at all; he's allowed to have time with himself, even if I WASN'T okay with it.

What is the simplest way to make you happy? Talk to me about meerkats or Rammstein or Silent Hill and stuff lmao.

When was the last time you had deja vu? Actually when I was writing an RP post yesterday, it was really weird.

Is there something you are always interested in? The main topic of deep interest that has prevailed the longest is meerkats.

Do you like buffet restaurants? I really don't, I find the concept super gross with how people are.

When was the last time you felt like you were starving? Full realism, I've never felt like I was sincerely, truly starving because I never factually have been. Yeah, I exaggerate and sometimes am like "I'm starving" when I mean I'm super hungry, but I'm fully aware I'm actually not. I consider myself an incredibly lucky person to have constant access to some kind of food.

Would you ever dye your hair all the colors of the rainbow? If my hair would actually take it and it wasn't absurdly expensive, fuck yeah.

What has made you laugh lately? I've been watching a lot of Game Grumps lately, and they do very, very easily. More than any other YouTube channel on a consistent basis.

If a Miley Cyrus song was playing in a store, would you leave? Oh, grow up. I'm not leaving a store I went to to get something I need or even just want just because a fucking song comes on.

Have you ever actually discovered someone watching you? No, thank the fucking lord. That would REALLY creep me out.

What would you do if you found an inappropriate picture of yourself online? I would be EXTREMELY freaked out because I've never taken an inappropriate picture of myself and I've never allowed anyone else to either, so someone would've done it in secrecy. I'd also be absolutely fucking humiliated because I hate my body. I'd absolutely try to figure out who got the picture and try my absolute damnedest to get it taken off the Internet.

What do you think of Facebook? I use it to keep tabs on people I care about and also see memes haha, plus other cool or motivational/inspiring stuff, but it DOES sometimes negatively affect me in the sense it makes me feel insanely behind in life.

Would you rather have Junior Mints or Reese’s? Reese's.

Have you ever taken a Polaroid? I'm quite sure I haven't, though I would actually really like to have a Polaroid-type camera. I can absolutely see the aesthetic appeal of them.

When was the last time you felt pressured? This past Friday Emerson wanted to play catch with one of her toys for a little bit, and though I didn't really want to because I was reading a book, I obviously did.

How many times have you broken a bone? Once.

Do you have a preference of chocolate? Milk chocolate with either a peanut butter or caramel interior.

Do you have a favorite author? Nah I really don't.

Do you own anything “designer?” Definitely not. I ain't got that kind of money.

If you had to draw your life, what would it mainly include? A lot of mental illness imagery and also Jason. Mom.

What is your favourite dinosaur? It's always been the spinosaurus. I also really love velociraptors, but their understood anatomy has changed a whole lot. I've found I prefer less feathery dinos. The Jurassic Park iteration of them are more my style.

Have you ever made bread? I personally haven't.

Would your childhood self be disappointed? UH, YEAH.

Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Yeah, pets, partners, kids. Maybe sisters at some point.

What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? Well, they worry me NOW because I learned sleep apnea (and mine is apparently severe) is a dangerous complicator in surgeries. I've also wondered if my nightmares could be an issue... I also have a considerable fear of anesthesia awareness, but it's not absolutely overwhelming.

Do you have a Tumblr? My Tumblr was (I'm assuming) accidentally terminated over a month ago and I am STILL waiting to hear back from them, even after sending a second report. 🙃 I've been tempted to go back to my old email account (that one was ALSO randomly terminated after a theme edit but was restored), but I really don't want to so am trying to wait. I just don't at all see what in the world I could've done wrong to be fairly banned.

Would you ever consider moving to another country? Realistically I don't think I will. My mom has basically begged us girls to stay together and prioritize our family bond because our extended family ALL live out of state, usually many states away.

Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? How do we know the one we live in now isn't? Zombifying parasites already exist in simpler, smaller organisms; who knows what the future holds. I do remember reading a scientific article about it for some reason just not seeming possible for humans with our current biological knowledge, but. Who knows. BUT ANYWAY, I would DEFINITELY prefer it to not be possible. I will never understand the absolute maniacs that basically fetishize that universe, like bitch you will die within the first couple days like basically everyone else, stop pretending you're a godly badass in the face of a horde of dead humans that are deadset on eating you and accept you're gonna shit your pants like everyone else lmao.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

[tonkini]

Drama queens podcast

#Drama queens podcast how to

#Drama queens podcast professional

Are Brooke, Peyton and Haley your BFF goals? These Drama Queens are getting back together!! Bethany Joy Lenz, Hilarie Burton and Sophia Bush are the biggest Drama Queens and they are here with you to dissect every episode, deliver every detail you must know, and devote themselves to you as you rewatch every single scene together. Sign up to get unlimited songs and podcasts with occasional ads. Is 23 more than just a number to you? Do you respond to people by saying I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately? Do you expect to have life-changing moments while caught in the confetti or the rain? Are you One Tree Hill obsessed?.it's OK.we're here for you. With opportunities for performance, poetry examinations and most. The ups and downs, the loves the losses, the struggles the triumphs, being together with your friends.feeling every emotion of it. Listen to 23 episodes of Drama Queens on Podbay - the best podcast player on the web. Check out the trailer for the One Tree Hill re-watch podcast and see for yourself!Ībout Drama Queens: Take yourself back in time.back to high school. He has completely moved on and doesn’t feel the need to engage in this type of behavior.Hi, SMNTY fans! We know you love great podcasts, which is why we're excited to introduce you to a new show we think you'll enjoy called Drama Queens. “Thirteen years since his divorce from Sophia, he has a very happy family life with his wife and children.

#Drama queens podcast professional

Chad conducts himself in a completely professional manner and would never marry for any reason but love,” the statement read. Murray, in turn, slammed the claims in a statement via his rep. When asked why she tied the knot, she responded, “Because how do you let everybody down, and how do you - what’s the fight? And when you have bosses telling you that you’re the only person who gets a person to work on time, and 200 people either get to see their kids at night or they don’t because our days start on time.”

#Drama queens podcast how to

Ladies have to learn how to take up space in the way that men are taught they are entitled to.” In 2018, the John Tucker Must Die star was asked about her marriage during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen, during which she said, “It was not a thing I actually really wanted to do, but you know, it’s cool. Twenty minutes a day, five days a week, ready by 6 a.m. The biggest stories of our time, told by the best journalists in the world. The House of Wax star went on to marry Sarah Roemer and the pair share two children. Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Sophia Bush may be recapping One Tree Hill on her Drama Queens podcast, but she has no plans to discuss her relationship with former costar Chad Michael Murray. It’s not a place where I harbor ill will or anything.”īush and Murray split five months after marrying in 2005, finalizing their divorce the following year. “I think you have to, like, laugh at who you used to be, but when people ask me about history that involves someone else … it’s not worth my time. I’m not allowed to because I’ve tried to poke fun at being a dumb kid and whenever I’ve done that, it gets twisted into I’m talking s–t about somebody who I don’t even know anymore, who’s clearly a grown-up,” she told the Smallville alum. Some of our favorite celebrity couples are people who married the fourth costar they dated.”įollowing that conversation, Rosenbaum, 49, asked about meeting Murray - a topic that Bush quickly shut down. “We act like it’s not common and it’s wildly common. When you spend 100 hours a week on set and you don’t even get home for eight hours to sleep, like, yeah, I’m not surprised that every 20-year-old on a set has dated every other 20-year-old on a set,” the Love, Victor star explained. “You realize that everyone you’ve ever met in this business has, like, dated everyone else. She later had an on-off relationship with Chicago P.D. Sophia Bush may be recapping One Tree Hill on her “Drama Queens” podcast, but she has no plans to discuss her relationship with former costar Chad Michael Murray.ĭuring the Tuesday, August 10, episode of Michael Rosenbaum‘s “Inside of You” podcast, the False Positive star, 39, reflected on dating costars.īush was married to the Cinderella Story actor, also 39, from 2005 to 2006, and went on to date One Tree Hill‘s James Lafferty and Austin Nichols.

#Drama queens podcast

[huberguldager61]

There is a lot of information available on Online marketing. You could possibly know some of it, however it is hard to know every thing concerning the matter. This will help enhance the marketing skills you are already aware. This article must be able to help with that.

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#all in one terminal

[kaizokuwritings]

No one:

Absolutely no one:

Issa (@issatheartist) and Meli in front of Benn and Gaban

#fact #these two men are currently our common obsession #Issa I love you for having the same taste as me in men #scopper gaban #benn Beckman #issa 🤝 meli #﹫melifangirl

[daniet]

AOT (SNK) HEADCANONS

What their favorite curse words are or which ones they would use in a modern setting. -Includes the Warriors ofc ^^-

TRIGGER WARNING: you guessed it. Curse words and mentions of slur usage (slurs not included ofc).

Eren (S1-3): he would definitely go with the usual “fuck” and “bitch” but have an unhealthy obsession with words related to balls that everyone hates and makes Mikasa give him dirty looks every time he says one.

“Bro you fucking piece of shit, I swear I will kick you in those fucking hairy bollocks you call a face”

Eren (S4): this man just says the most offensive slurs (unprovoked and with no visible emotions) that make the entire room go QUIET.

Mikasa: doesn’t curse too often, but when she does, she mostly uses some Japanese curse words that she picked up from her mother, such as:

“くそ! (kuzo!)”: meaning “fuck!”

“ちくしょう (chikushō)”: meaning “oh shit”

“わるがき (warugaki)”: meaning “brat”. Mostly used towards Eren when she is annoyed.

Fair to say that she doesn’t shout them, she just says them in a low voice.

Armin: we all know it’s really unlikely that he’ll ever insult anyone during an argument, but for some reason i feel that he enjoys to say things like “holy guacamole!” when he stubs his toe in the couch and stuff like that djdjdjhs

Sasha: loves weird word combinations and long curse words to say at any given moment such as: “what in the mother geewillikers’ bazooka trunk is that?!?”

No one really knows how she comes up with these.

Connie: DEFINITELY uses stinky and ass way too much.

“Hey Connie, yo mama-“

“LISTEN YOU STINKY ASS MOTHE-“

Jean: is the one who actually makes the “yo mama” jokes to Connie ALL the time. He likes to get creative.

“Hey Connie, yo mama so fat that Thanos had to snap twice”

“Hey Connie, yo mama’s forehead so big that she can make a pita out of sourdough bread by giving it a headbutt”

Historia: on a daily basis, she uses refined curse words to refer to the people that she dislikes, such as “bastard”, “miserable”, “wretched” and such, but OH- we all know that when she’s either comfortable or really mad she can say (and probably knows) more curse words than everyone in the troops combined.

Ymir: she just needs cursing to live and most of her sentences consist of phrases with random curse words intertwined into every single one of them. Special mention to “shit” because she likes it a lot and most things that aren’t related to Historia are just “shitty” to her.

“I SWEAR TO GOD REINER YOU SHITTY FUCKING DICKHEAD! STAY AWAY FROM HISTORIA”

Erwin: oh, our good suburban dad Erwin. He really likes “bloody hell” and will throw random dammits at small inconveniences like “staining” his shirt with a little bit of coffee or a pen falling from his desk.

Levi: he will for sure call everyone an “asshole” because he simply thinks everyone is. Period. He doesn’t care who you are. To him, everyone is just a “stupid asshole that doesn’t deserve his time and effort”.

Yes. He learned this word from Kenny. Now cry.

Hange: they absolutely love researching funny and currently unused curse words on the internet just for the laughs. Hange doesn’t really feel the need to curse at everything and everyone, but will randomly throw some of the ones they learned when everyone is angry and cursing to just “get in the mood”.

Ymir: “he’s just shitty, I guess…”

Connie: “JUST SHITTY? HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS”

Hange, passing by: “zooterkins! he sounds like a zounderkite. Did you two know that is the victorian word for idiot?” *laughs and leaves*

Reiner: his favorites were “son of a bitch”, “motherfucker” and “whore”, and he mainly used them to insult fellow men when he was at Paradis. Now that he’s back in Marley, he just doesn’t have the energy/tries to avoid doing it for the kids.

Bertholdt: my good man right here would never insult anyone but himself when he is frustrated (which mostly happens in his mind, of course), but sometimes, when he says these things out loud, they’re like:

“Come on Bertholdt you’re such an idiot!”

“Dumb. I am dumb. Goodbye”. *storms off in tiny anger*

Annie: is definitely beyond basic “rat kid insults” (in her words) like “pussy”, anything to do with balls, “whateverfucker” and randomly saying “fuck” or “shit” in every sentence, so she usually goes with the useful basic when needed:

“Fuck off”. Yep, that is definitely a favorite.

Pieck: definitely knows how to curse properly but chooses not to, so don’t be fooled. She might look soft, and she is. But she has also been on too many missions with too many soldiers and definitely knows way more insults and jargon than you.

She doesn’t really have a favorite one, though. She just enjoys the looks on people’s faces when she lets them know that she understood every single word that they said and that “calling her a “carechimba hija de su puta madre” won’t suffice”.

Yelena: will straight up HEX you in russian and occasionally bring up some slurs💀. I know, I’m sorry Yelena but we all know it’s true ㅠㅠ

Zeke: this man is still -sadly- not over “balls and penis curse words”, so you can imagine for yourself what his common expressions are and how he goes from “ballsack sucker” to whatever sounds like it.

Porco: uses the classical “fuck”, “shit”, “bitch” and so on, but additionally tries to incorporate curse words or even slurs that he doesn’t know how to use or what they mean and their implications, only to be met by Pieck’s stare seconds later; and you guessed it: she usually has to explain to him what they mean and why he shouldn’t be using them.

Falco: will mostly say those weird “filtered bad words” that are children-safe, such as “fudge nuggets!” and “snickerdoodle!”, but you cannot tell me that Gabi hasn’t taught him the actual stuff and he secretly uses “shit” on the internet and some others slip out when he’s playing with his friends and gets mad at Gabi for cheating.

Gabi: knows the entire classic curse word dictionary. Occasionally uses slurs pretending she didn’t know that she couldn’t say them.

One day, she called Falco a “piece of pixelated b*kk*ke” because she heard it somewhere and thought it meant “shit”, so Pieck had to step in and age-appropriately explain that it was something that “bad men did to punish women in Japan and that it was not funny at all”. Gabi never said it again.

Casually picked up “suka” from Yelena because she thought it sounded funny.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan headcanons #shingeki no kyojin headcanons #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin aot #sasha braus #connie springer #hange zoë #levi ackerman #erwin smith #ymir #historia reiss #pieck #pieck finger #annie leonhardt #aot reiner #attack on titan bertholdt #porco galliard #gabi braun #falco attack on titan

[antoine-roquentin]

When a nation feels threatened, it gets swole. Germans and Norwegians became obsessed with individual self-improvement through physical fitness around the end of the Napoleonic Era. British citizens took up this Physical Culture as the 19th century—and their empire—began to wane. And yoga, in its current practice as a form of meditative strength training, came out of the Indian Independence movement of the 1920s and 30s.

The impetus of these movements isn’t fitness for the sake of pleasure, for the pure joys of strength and physical beauty. It’s competitive. It’s about getting strong enough to fight The Enemy, whoever that may be.

The United States is, of course, not immune to this. The Presidential Fitness Test sprang up in the mid-20th century after studies found that American children lagged behind Europeans in certain tests of flexibility and calisthenic ability. Cold War paranoia only amped up this anxiety, particularly as we entered the 1980s. What if our kids were too fat to defeat communism? This obsession meshed beautifully with boomer yuppie narcissism and birthed the aerobics fad.

Then the Nineties hit, the Berlin Wall fell, and spandex and sweatbands became hilariously passe. While America still obsessed over thinness, it was not for the sake of strength. Two things happened at the dawn of the new millennium to bring back physical culture.

The first occurred in 1998, when BMI standards shifted a few points. Formerly, one needed a BMI of 27 (for women) or 28 (for men) to be classified as overweight, but the new standard lowered the cutoff to 25 points. Twenty-nine million Americans instantly became overweight without gaining an ounce. Under the new guidelines, doctors could prescribe them diet drugs or recommend weight loss surgery.

A nationwide panic rose; headlines screamed about a new plague of fat people whose bodies were ticking time bombs destined to deliver death and destruction at any moment. Stock footage of fat people ambling about in public, filmed from the neck down to protect their identities (and more effectively dehumanize them), became a common sight on television news as bony broadcasters droned about the horrors of the Obesity Epidemic. Curiously, hardly any of the reports on this sudden increase in overweight/obese Americans bothered to mention the BMI standard shift.

The second event was, of course, 9/11.

The attack on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon sparked a new War on Terror, and America needed to get in shape so we could win that war. The USA’s hyper-militaristic troop-worshipping post-9/11 culture seeped into the panic over obesity and gave birth to a terrifying, swole baby. Public school gym classes featured special military fitness days in which students practiced throwing mock grenades. George W. Bush added an Adult Fitness Challenge to the Presidential Fitness program. On American and British television, a new wave of documentaries and reality shows sprang up to bellow at us for being too fat to defeat al Qaeda: Honey, We’re Killing the Kids; Supersize Me; You Are What You Eat, in which a bony harridan screeched at Britons whose feces did not meet her exacting standards; The Biggest Loser, where lean coaches bellowed at fat contestants in a manner strikingly similar to that of a stereotypical drill instructor.

And muscles—giant, pulsating, steroid-enhanced muscles—returned to screens. But the new muscle era lacks the eroticism of Eighties action cinema. Arnold Schwarzenegger showed his glutes in Terminator; Sylvester Stallone stripped for First Blood and Tango & Cash; Bloodsport shows more of Jean Claude Van Damme’s body than that of his love interest.

For the most part, though, today’s cinema hunks are nevernudes. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is strictly PG-13, as one expects from a Disney product. And even in the DC universe, there’s very little of human sexuality. Capefans’ demands for more “mature” superhero movies always mean more graphic violence, not more sex. They panicked over Dr. Manhattan’s glowing blue penis in Watchmen, and they still haven’t forgiven Joel Schumacher for putting nipples on the batsuit.

Today’s stars are action figures, not action heroes. Those perfect bodies exist only for the purpose of inflicting violence upon others. To have fun is to become weak, to let your team down, and to give the enemy a chance to win, like Thor did when he got fat in Endgame.

This cinematic trend reflects the culture around it. Even before the pandemic hit, Millennials and Zoomers were less sexually active than the generation before them. Maybe we’re too anxious about the Apocalypse; maybe we’re too broke to go out; maybe having to live with roommates or our parents makes it a little awkward to bring a partner home; maybe there are chemicals in the environment screwing up our hormones; maybe we don’t know how to navigate human sexuality outside of rape culture; maybe being raised on the message that our bodies are a nation-ending menace has dampened our enthusiasm for physical pleasure.

Eating disorders have steadily increased, though. We are still getting our bodies ready to fight The Enemy, and since we are at war with an abstract concept, the enemy is invisible and ethereal. To defeat it, our bodies must lose solidity as well.

[kvj-novels]

Senku x fem named!reader

Hello! I’m currently obsessed with Dr. Stone and in love with a leek-haired man sO i kinda wanted to write a fanfic and in literally 12 hours I’ve written 10k+ words and I’m not even done yet oops

Rating: this chapter is E for everyone though there is some mild language

Warnings: this fic has elements of smut and a mention of eating disorders THIS CHAPTER DOES NOT CONTAIN THE CONTENT WITH THESE WARNINGS.

Summary: Imogen has been awakened from petrification but she suffers from amnesia upon waking up. Senku and Taiju - her lover and childhood friend (respectively) before the petrification - must do their best to help her recall her past life.

Smut summary: soft sex, first time, no warnings but very NSFW.

Chapter One

The first thing I felt was a cracking, like my skin was peeling off. My mind was waking up from a deep slumber as this feeling continued. I desperately wanted to scratch but my limbs wouldn’t move.  A crack of sunlight blinded me and all at once I felt my body release from some  kind of shell. The cracking and itching stopped. I opened my eyes. 

Two kind faces stared at me. 

The second thing I felt was the cold breeze on my skin. I looked around for a moment, noting the forest of trees before settling back on the kind faces.  The last thing I felt before I suddenly felt everything all at once, was the need to vomit. I turned, doubling over on to my hands and knees and hurled at the ground behind me. 

“Oh my,” a woman spoke. “take it easy.” She put a hand on my back. “You’ve been asleep for a long time. This reaction is common so don’t be scared.” A cloth came into my view, I took it and wiped my mouth, then turned back to the two people.  A woman with blonde hair and green eyes.  A man with black hair and brown eyes. He grinned at me, apparently unphased by my horrible first impression.  “I’m Chrome.” He said, then pointed to the woman. “This is Ruri.” She smiled and waved. “I know this all probably seems much different from what you last remember, do you have any questions?” I stared blankly. “Where...am I?” My throat burned as I spoke. The acid from the vomit still lining my throat.  “You’re in Japan.” She said. “Though it has been 3,700 years from the last time you saw it.” “Do you have a name?” The man named Chrome asked.  I opened my mouth to spit out my name because of course I had one.

Didn’t I?

I closed my mouth, my teeth clamping together. I couldn’t remember.  The smiles on the two strangers faces faded. Ruri put a hand on my shoulder.  “Do you remember what happened to you?” She asked.  I looked down to think. A pile of rock surrounded my feet and a vague memory of a green light crawled into my head. Nothing more.  I shook my head.  “We should go back,” Ruri said to the man.  “Oh, but we have two more on schedule to wake up.” Chrome responded.  “But we’ve never encountered something like this, Chrome. Senku would know what to do and I don’t want to frighten her any more.” Chrome thought for a moment. “You’re right. Let’s head back to camp for the others and we’ll leave for home from there.” Ruri turned back to me, her kind smile lighting up her face again. “Will you trust us? We’ll take you home and have our friend help you. He’ll cure your mind I promise.” I didn’t see why I couldn’t trust them. I shook my head and took the woman’s hand when she offered it to me.  “What would you like us to call you until you can remember your real name?” She asked. They walked together and I followed, my bare feet stumbling over the forest floor.  “I..I don’t know.” “Mm, I say we call you Emerald.” Chrome said, a hand on his chin. I looked over at him confused.  “Your eyes,” he clarified. “they’re a very deep green like an emerald.” Then he smiled. “Emmy for short if you like.” I nodded. “Emerald is fine, it’s kinda pretty.” I gave a half hearted smile. We walked together for a while until we made it to a camp. Chrome was enthusiastically telling me about their adventures. Unpetrifying people. Fighting off villains.  It all sounded a bit ridiculous. But Ruri confirmed everything. And with a much more solemn attitude. Only because of her did I actually think Chrome’s tales were true.  At the camp a handful of people sat around a fire. Some food was cooking over the flame.  “These are people that we unpetrified just before you. They only just woke up themselves. One only since this morning.” Ruri said quietly, stopping a few yards away from the camp. “Do they all remember?” She shook her head. “We’ve not had anyone who didn’t remember.” I frowned a bit.  “Don’t worry!” She said in a voice that was desperate to keep someone happy. “I’m sure Senku can give you the cure all drug to help.” She brushed a strand of my hair back behind my ear and led me into the camp.  “Emerald!” A woman called out. “Chrome says that’s your name right?” I gave a tentative nod. “Come sit with me, we’ve got dinner cooked.” I sat by the fire with her, definitely grateful for some food. She handed me a bowl and looking down at it, the sight filled me with a warmth.  I smiled, almost crying.  “What’s wrong?” The woman asked.  “I know this food...” I said softly. “Ramen...I remember it.” “That’s great, Emerald!” Ruri said as she sat down with us. “Maybe things will come back slowly, just give it time.” “What’s the matter?” The woman asked, still confused.  “Emerald doesn’t remember what happened to her and nor does she know her real name.” Ruri said.  “Amnesia?” The woman said. “Damn...that’s gonna be rough.” I sat quietly and ate the ramen, listening to the people talk. They all introduced themselves differently throughout dinner.  The men were Hiro, Benni and Jackson. The woman who offered me food was Hinata.  Once dinner was finished, Chrome announced that we would be leaving for home once we got everything packed up. He said we weren’t too far and if we could manage, we’d be there by morning.  The group agreed.  “What’s the hurry for?” Hiro asked.  “We need to get Emerald to Senku.” He simply said. I did my best to help everyone pack up but I had no clue what went where. And my body seemed pretty sluggish. Ruri had the most patience with me. She only smiled and said it was alright.  We set out very shortly after eating. Everything was packed tightly into backpacks that the men carried. Chrome was leading the party through the forest. He never faltered even as the sun set and night time creeped in.  Several hours into the journey we came to a small clearing in the forest. Chrome stopped. “Grab the blankets and take a bit of a break.” He said. “It’s getting pretty cold tonight so rest up and warm up for a few hours. We’ll begin again after that.” The men passed out the blankets but kept everything else packed. Chrome started a small fire to help everyone warm up a bit. I sat by the fire with the blanket. My body was tired but my brain was running at a thousand miles per hour. I wanted to sleep but every time I closed my eyes I remembered the darkness that I was only just brought out of and without even realizing, my eyes would be open again. Staring at the flames.  Some time went by and Chrome woke from his nap. He woke everyone else, put out the fire and we began again. 

With the moon setting in the horizon I saw a village in the distance lit up by small flames on a tall pole. We were close.

*********

Tag list: @viskafrer @bee-cakes Please DM me if you like to be added to the tag list!

#smut #fanfic #dr stone #senku x fem #dr stone fanfic #ishigami senku #taiju oki #senku x reader #one shots

[linkspooky]

A Mafia Member Who Doesn’t Kill

Bungou Stray Dogs chapter 88 has made it clear to me just how strong the Akutagawa and Odasaku parallels are. They are both orphans, raised to kill and taught their only value is the strength of their abilities that they use for killing, only to slowly unlearn that behavior over time. They are both characters who value life above everything else. I’m going to explore the connection more in depth, under the cut.

1. Origins

The temptation might be to parallel Oda to Atsushi, and Akutagawa to Dazai. Not only is Akutagawa Dazai’s first and direct disciple, and currently wearing his coat, but Atsushi has always been “the good one” of the pairing. The one obsessed with being good, and saving people in the way Oda was. Oda is also the closest thing Bungou Stray Dogs has to an example of living the life of “a good man” that all the main characters are currently striving for. However, I would say that it’s Akutagawa who parallels Oda’s life far more than Atsushi. 

Of course Akutagawa parallels Dazai’s life quite a lot as well.He was recruited by Dazai the same way Dazai was recruited by Mori,wears Dazai’s jacket as his most precious possession, but he shares so much in common with Oda too including his origin. 

In their youth they’re both referred to as killers who kill without showing any emotion. They start out completely empty and dead to all feelings inside, because neither of them have experienced anything to give them a reason to value life. 

Fukuzawa suddenly recalled a rumor he had heard about a young redheaded hit man who wielded two pistols, and killed his targets while never showing any emotions. - BSD LN 3

They both kill because they’re strong, and that’s all they’re seen as. Both boys, orphans with nothing else to live for have been gifted with incredibly strong abilities. They kill, they don’t relish in it, they don’t gain anything from it unlike men in positions of power like Mori Ougai because they are ultimately tools, but they kill nonetheless. 

“I’ve been working alone as an assassin for as long as I can remember,” he began. “I’ve never wanted friends or a boss... but seeing a martial artist like you compromise your principles to save one of your men... It makes me kinda jealous. He must be the happiest guy in the world to have you as a boss.” - BSD LN 3

They both start killing as a means of survival, because they are both orphans who have no one to care for them and look out for them. However, they also slowly over time begin to kill as a way to demonstrate their worth. Akutagawa was an orphan who lost the small amount of friends he was protecting, Oda had no organization he was working for, no connections their lives are utterly empty except for their strength so they come to understand killing as something that gives their life meaning and value. If only because there is nothing else for them. 

However, for both of them killing isn’t enough. It’s merely surviving not living. Which is why no matter how strong they become they both remain empty, and they both feel insufficient, and even jealous of others. Oda is jealous of Fuzukawa’s connection to his subordinate, Akutagawa is jealous of Atsushi who is valued and connected to everyone around him and treated better by Dazai. This jealousy is also a realization that they are missing something in themselves but they don’t know what. 

Most skilled hitmen looked down on others as if they were insects. Their eyes were cold and lacked compassion. But this boy’s were different. They weren’t cold or any temperature. They were just empty. Not only was there no compassion or kindness, there was no hate or passion to kill. His eyes were those of a person who had given up on hope and despair - the eyes of a person who had removed himself from emotional things. - BSD LN 3

Both Akutagawa and Oda start at a point where they are killing, not because they enjoy it, or they’re particularly sadistic, or think they are just or right. They kill because it’s the only thing they’re good at. They kill to demonstrate worth. 

This kid’s different from the old me. Perhaps he never felt any joy from killing others. He was probably only killing because he had nothing to do. - BSD LN3

This also plays into a fundamental misunderstanding that Atsushi has of Akutagawa. He basically views Akutagawa as a bully who kills people to flaunt his strength in front of others. 

He doesn’t realize that Akutagawa is strong yes, but that’s all he is. He clings to that strength, because he’s been given no other alternative. He hasn’t been given nearly the opportunities that Atsushi has. If there is a difference between Oda and Akutagawa, Akutagawa is noticably angrier, more resentful, but that’s because anger is the first emotion he ever definitely felt. 

I feel hatred.  I am no longer a dog. I have become a human being with feelings of my own. -’A Heartless Dog’

Akutagawa and Oda are both boys who lived considerably empty lives, that is until they meet somebody who shows them an alternative and changes their lives forever. Oda and Akutagawa meet someone and from then on they want to find meaning in their lives. 

2. An Assassin Who Doesn’t Kill

Akutagawa kills without hesitance, and yet I would say he’s the only character in the manga who values life as much as Oda does. This might seem like a paradox but both of their characters are built around this paradox. That’s why they become mafia members who do not kill. 

Akutagawa’s response to the old man in the latest chapter seems sassy, but Akutagawa’s never sassy, he’s overly serious and sincere about everything. He’s saying what he really thinks. All people are equally alive. Akutagawa is someone especially aware of the value of life, because in the past his life was treated as something so worthless. 

He was not afraid to die. He was thinking perhaps even hell would be a better place to live then here. JJust continuing to live in this state was suffering, after all. 

[...]

What’s the point of our lives? He had once asked travelers in their place this equestion. Why Must I go on living?

It’s because they have both lived through the absolute worst circumstances, that they value life more, and go on searching for these answers. Akutagawa equally treats life as worthless (kills people without hesitation) and also values life (tries to give people a reason to live, tries to justify his own life, tries to fight against the idea that someone from the slums lives a meaningless life). 

When Kyouka finds a reason to live even though he’s not the one that gave it to her, he’s genuinely happy for her. Because Akutagawa values life, and wants people to find a meaning in life even though he kills. 

Akutagawa is currently on the same path Oda is on. The lines in this scene are vague because they’re meant to apply to both Dazai and Akutagawa. He met a certain person, joined a certain organization, and the hope for death in his eyes vanished. 

Oda gave Dazai reason. Dazai gave Akutagawa reason. Oda was also given reason when he met Natsume. All three continue on with a life of empty killing until an outside force intervenes and teaches them there could be something more to life. 

They both come across someone who tells them that there is more to life than just killing. That they are capable of more than that, and they actually follow through and stop killing. Because, Akutagawa, and Oda deep down respect life. As cruel and heartless as they can be, Akutagawa is also one of the most heartfelt and respectful characters in the series when he opens up. 

Akutagawa and Oda are people who understand other people on a level deep down, because they’re genuinely interested in the lives of others. Akutagawa is the only person who thinks about Atushi in a deep way, in ways Atusshi doesn’t even really want to understand himself. Oda is the first person to treat Dazai like a person, behind the genius. They understand, even the ugly parts of people because they don’t really look away from the dark parts of the world, of life, because no one’s experienced life’s cruelty like they have. Oda sees Dazai for who he is, and tells him that helping people probably won’t make him feel good, and that he’ll never feel good, but he should help people anyway because he’s capable of doing good. 

Oda is the one who started the journey in an assassin trying to find meaning in life, but he didn’t finish it. In the end Oda’s character arc ends tragically, and his path is half finished. Because, Oda eventually chooses death. 

I think a lot of people don’t realize this character flaw of Oda, because he’s usually such a good example, but he chose to kill again, chose to become a martyr to Dazai because he genuinely gave up on living when it became too hard for him again. 

“Odasaku...” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording, but - don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be something...” - BSD, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda died because of tragic circumstances yes, but Oda also dies because he chose death. He chose the escape. He chose the easier path. There were still people that needed him even after he lost the orphans, people like Dazai, and Akutagawa who were orphans in need of help as well and Oda chose to let go of them. 

Oda gave up on his attempt to find meaning in life, because the best way to find meaning in life is simply by living it. 

‘People live to say themselves, it’s something they realize right before they die, eh?’ - BSD, Osasmu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda chooses to die for the sake of someone else, rather than living for himself. While that’s a tragic choice it’s also a bad choice with consequences, because now there’s nobody around to help Dazai and Akutagawa who also appeared in light novel two and who both needed him to some extent. 

In that sense Akutagawa can be stronger than Oda. Their lives are parallels but they’re also exact opposites. Akutagawa starts out by losing every orphan he was trying to take care of. Oda finishes his life when he loses the orphans who he was trying to raise and protect. 

The choice they make in those moemnts is the opposite ones. Akutagawa tries to choose simply revenge at first the exact same way as Oda did, but when he meets Dazai he realizes there was something he wanted even more than revenge. 

The question resounded in Akutagawa’s heart, and a single answer floated to the surface. Something he qished for. His heart’s desire.  The lowest of the low. In a world that was the lowest of the low, it was a wih that could never possibly be granted.  Akuagawa had to force the words out of his dry, trembling throat. “I want to find a reason... a meaning to my life.” - SHORT STORY A HEARTLESS DOG

Akutagawa wants to live for himself, stronger than even Oda did. Whereas, Oda stops wanting everything. 

Dazai paused before continuing. “I would be able to find something - a reason to live.” 

I looked at him; he looked back at me. 

“I wanted to be a novelist.” I said. “I thought I wouldn’t deserve such a life if I killed someone during a mission. That’s why I never killed anyone. But that’s all in the past. There’s only one thing I want now.” - BSD VOLUME 2, Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era

Oda’s words to Dazai to conitnue to live are meaningful, but he’s also a hypocrite to those words. He tells Dazai to live on, when he made the choice to go off and die. While, Akutagawa as dirty, and arduous as his path is, is the one who keeps struggling to live no matter what like a stray dog starving in the streets.

Which is why Akutagawa is the one who is going to finish what Oda started so long ago, and be the true inheritor to his will. Utlimately, I predict, that’s the path his character development and arc are going to take him. 

#akutagawa ryunosuke #odasaku #oda sakunosuke #bungou stray dogs #akutagawa #oda #dazai osamu #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs meta #bungou stray dogs analysis #bsd #bsd 84

[papergirllife]

Chapter 1

Synopsis:

You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?

Warnings:

big age gap (kinda?)

issues on anxiety

issues on depression (mild)

issues on parental abuse

smut (maybe)

Tag List: @etherealtyjaem​ (lmk if you wanna be on the list)

It has always been like this, being locked up in the study room so you could ‘study’ for hours end, or that’s what they think you’re doing. You studied in an elite academy with your smart cousins, only to have you graduating with average grades, which of course, earned you a harsh scolding from your parents. Now, you’re supposed to be studying business for university, even though you had zero interests in it, the subject is fine, it’s what you’re studying it for that irks you. Your family runs a business in Seoul, but from what you can see by secretly skimming through the files as well as the arguments behind shut doors with your aunts and uncles, things aren’t going as planned.

You don’t have many friends, nor a phone, they took it away from you when you wanted to go out with some friends, claiming that it’s a distraction that should be locked away. You felt like Rapunzel, locked away from the world, they don’t have any love for you, you’re quite sure they don’t, they had once slapped your face ten times when you had a boyfriend behind their backs, and you were 15 for god’s sake, along with other things that you rather not say, you don’t want to relive all those painful memories.

Sometimes you wished you could go back to the time when you were a child, when you were at your grandparents’ in the morning, her warm smile and loving eyes, when you didn’t know what laid ahead. You wish you hadn’t realised that you were being abused, you used to think what you went through was the same for other kids as well, until you talked about it with other people and scared them away from you. The painful memories sinking back in made the words in front of you blurry as you felt tears seeping in your eyes.

Depression.

It’s deemed as something ridiculous in your family, and that people who are suffering from it are weaklings and don’t deserve anything from this society.

‘Does that mean I’m weak?’

You never went to therapy nor took any medication for your mental illnesses, and recently the development of anxiety attacks are constantly putting you on edge. You have them at least once a week, sometimes you even had problem breathing, but you couldn’t tell anyone about it, nor anyone would ever listen to your cries of help.

“We’re going to help sell your uncle’s house this Saturday,” your mother said as she was folding the clothes.

“The mansion he recently bought?” you asked, confused as to why he would sell the mansion he was obsessed with just two months ago.

“Yes, he bought that without our permission back then, so now we need to sell it for funds, and you need to be there to entertain the potential buyers, give them a tour around the house and other enquiries. You have to direct them to us if you think they’re truly interested, it’s going to be an open house concept party,” cold, that’s how your mother sounded, her claims of putting family above everything else flying out of the window whenever her demands are not met.

“Okay, is there anything else?” you asked, hoping to be excused as soon as possible.

“No, you can continue your studies in the study room.”

That’s what basic communication is in your life, you tried talking about your interests, your opinions, but they either fall on deaf ears, or you would receive a lecture for having a ‘false perspective’. You’ve given up on talking to them about things that are going in on your life now, they don’t listen anyways.

The party is filled with old men with their muffin tops waddling around with a wine glass in hand and talking obnoxiously loud, obviously having too much money to go by, looking at how overly filled their bellies are.

You tried hiding away in the house, but your family kept pushing you out to talk to them. Their stares were not intimidating, no, but it made you feel uncomfortable as their gazes linger a bit too long on your legs or anywhere else, and the way they didn’t want to let go after they shook your hand, made your anxiety levels rise to the roof.

You would find random excuses to run away, like going to refill their glass or saying you need to use the loo, your heartbeat going as fast as your legs could take you away from them.

When you came back out from hiding for the 6th time, both your parents were rushing you to meet someone new.

“He’s a man of great fortune and power, so the chances of him buying this house is high. Don’t try to hide from this one, or you’ll get it when we get home,” your mother warned, her eyes side eying you with daggers.

Your mother’s threat made you sick inside, what are you to them? A scapegoat?

You weren’t paying attention to who or where was she pushing you to, but once you stopped, the man in front of you made your eyes as big as saucers.

‘How is a man like this doing here?’ you thought to yourself.

“Hello Mr Suh, we’re quite busy at the moment with other potential buyers. Why don’t we allow my daughter, Y/N, to show you around?” your mother said, her voice overly sweet, like day old cotton candy.

Once you were in front of him, your parents left. Leaving you helpless as your social anxiety kicks in, your eyes trained on his shoulder, eye contact, especially from this man, made you very nervous.

“C-can I give you a tour?’ you asked, hoping to ditch him halfway.

Johnny looks at the way your eyes avoid his, it wasn’t hard, given how tall he was, there’s just something so intriguing about you, so different from the girls that throw themselves at him with zero doubts.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Johnny,” Johnny introduced himself by bending down slightly, a friendly smile on his face, one that you can’t decipher whether he had similar intentions as those nasty old men had.

To say that the tour was horrible would’ve been an understatement, you kept stuttering under his piercing gaze, instead of looking at you like you were his next meal like other potential buyers, Johnny was genuinely listening to what you have to say. You didn’t think the house was any interesting, it was just a bunch of useless expensive things under one roof, like the movie room, the slides at the pool, the ‘mini’ bar. These things weren’t appealing to you, riches are overrated when it becomes too common, like your cousins and their different designs of Birkin bags, you weren’t exactly fond of their favourite alligator skinned ones as well.

Yet Johnny didn’t look at the cliche setting that you are currently presenting, instead his eyes are trained on yours, it wasn’t a scrutinizing gaze like the wives of those perverted men who stared down on you, nor anything that seems predatory, it only held calculation and observance. On the house? It doesn’t seem like it. On you? You can bet this whole house that he’s met women far more beautiful compared to a plain jane like you.

“T-that’s all for the tour, Mr Suh. Would you want me to direct you to my parents, if you’re interested?” you asked, hoping that you’d get to be alone again.

“Can you take me to the park nearby? I’d like to see the facilities available in this housing area,” he answered smoothly, as if he had calculated every little detail in his life.

You nodded wordlessly at his request, taking him to see the park nearby the house. It was a weird sight, having a man as tall as Johnny towering behind you.

“This is the park,” you pointed stupidly, cursing at yourself, obviously this is the park,  anyone with eyes could tell.

Johnny inhaled the breath of fresh air this area offered, his shoulders not as tensed up after. A smile decorated his handsome face as he turned towards you.

“Let’s sit.”

Johnny directed you to the nearest park bench, his size taking up most of the bench, yet he scoots into himself as you sat down next to him, giving you personal space.

‘Does he think I’m going to lower the price of the house for him? I don’t even know how much they’re selling it for,’ you thought, thinking this man must be mad that an unimportant person like you could negotiate with him.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Y/N. I’m not interested in the house,” Johnny said, breaking the silence.

Your mom isn’t going to be pleased when she hears this, you thought as you bit at your bottom lip, thinking about how harsh is she going to react if she didn’t get a buyer out of this event.

“Thank you for taking your time for considering through out this-

“I’m interested in you.”

Did you hear that correctly or was your mind playing tricks on you?

You stared at Johnny as his hand comes close to your face, he wasn’t pulling you closer, instead his fingers reached out to gently graze the underside of your eyes.

“I can see what you’re hiding,” Johnny said solemnly, his eyes showing you pity.

You quickly took out your compact mirror out of your pocket, checking to see if you did a bad job on the concealer for your puffy eyes today, but it looked fine.

“I used to be involve in theater, and I’ve seen people covering unwanted marks or eye bags on their face many times. It’s not obvious to most people, don’t worry,” Johnny explained.

The touch of his fingertips on your face was filled with warmth, as well as his eyes when he looked at you now, if his eyes were honey you’ll be as addicted as Winnie the Pooh. His touch was quickly gone as it had came, his hand placed back into his lap as he stares ahead.

“I’m not going to assume anything, but from what I can see, I don’t think you deserve to be going through what you’re facing now. And as for your family’s company, it’s not going to last long even if they managed to sell this property out. You’re going to be in a much more disappointing situation when that happens, I’ve been in the business game my whole life, my predictions hardly go astray anymore,” Johnny said without a sliver of judgement, he was just laying out the cards for you to observe.

Johnny reaches for a card in his coat pocket and handed it to you, it was his business card.

“I can take you away from all this chaos raging among your family, if you can call it a family that is. I’ll be seeing you soon, Y/N,” Johnny said before standing up and walking away to the direction where his car awaits, his driver closing his door.

That was most definitely a statement.

#nct smut #nct fluff #nct #johnny suh #johnny smut #johnny fluff #seo young ho #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv

[soupthatistohot]

Why do I write primarily mlm fanfic?

This was something I asked myself the other day. I am a girl, I think I'm queer (but I am attracted to men, whatever I am), so why do I fixate on mlm relationships? Why do I never feel compelled to write wlw or even just some good 'ol straight stuff? I brought this up to a few friends of mine who also watch anime. One of them said that it’s because lots of popular media only really focuses on developing their male characters well, and I think this to be a very suitable explanation (as well as the fact that I’m queer and thus gravitate towards queer stories).

Take Sk8 the Infinity for example. I could count the number of female characters in this anime on one hand, and one of them is a robot. The others are supporting roles who only serve to support the male main characters. I love Sk8 very much, and with the possibility of a 2nd season I’d love to see a prominent, well-developed female character (but if they make her Reki’s love interest I will literally stab someone). But as the anime stands right now, there are no female characters that aren't just basically plot devices.

Another show I love dearly, Yuri!!! on Ice, is much the same. While there can be more of an argument made here because 1) competitive figure skating is split up between men and women, and 2) I believe that the story Yuuri and Victor is absolutely meant to be a romance, so having the two men as the focus is somewhat necessary, there's an overwhelming lack of fleshed-out women in the story. All the female characters are supporting members that only exist for the benefit of male characters. Yuuko and Minako support Yuuri, Lilia exists so Yuri P. can improve, Mila is just... kind of there, and Sara's whole character is centered around her brother being overprotective of her.

Okay, so let's look at something a little less... fruity. Horimiya. I've only watched the anime, so if there's stuff I miss from not having read the manga (yet), please forgive me. I still think this is a valid perspective, though, because if there's female development that the creators decided was so unimportant that it could be cut, that still supports my point here. In my opinion, Miyamura is a lot more developed than Hori. He has his tragic backstory of being a loner, and having his secret piercings and tattoos and all that. A lot of the story ends up focusing on his side of things... despite the fact that Hori is the protagonist. The story follows her perspective for the most part, we learn things about Miyamura as she does, yet I feel like she's a bit dull. She has a uncommon home life and has to take care of her younger brother, that's her big bad secret? I get that it's kind of unexpected since she's the pretty, perfect, popular girl, but I still feel like it's a tad anticlimactic. It's hardly ever addressed beyond the first few episodes, too, and it just kind of exists as a fact within the story. Even beyond our main couple, it seems like the other female characters development and stories are all focused on the boy they're interested in (except for Sawada, but she's there for like a couple of episodes and then doesn't really show up all that much again... and her crush on Hori is handled really weird, I didn't exactly love it). Remi's entire character is pretty much centered around her boyfriend, and Sakura and Yuki are basically competing for Toru. Meanwhile, the guys have story beats themed around the girls they're interested in, but I feel like it's not as obsessive or dramatic as how the girls are depicted.

So, we're given these female characters, who are really watered-down and honestly kind of boring, and we're not super compelled to write about them. When we are given flat female characters, there's nothing to work with. It's more fun to use the characters who have had development and play around with the "what ifs" and our own personal headcannons. The characters who get this special treatment are primarily male. And while I commend a lot of shows for developing their male characters in such a way that doesn't exactly fit with society's idea of masculinity (ex: Reki's insecurities and depression, Yuuri's anxiety and femininity, Miyamura's isolation and depression), in the end these characters are still boys, men, males.

I also think mlm is so prominent because of both straight girls and queer people. For straight girls, it can often be fetishization (forgive my generalizing, I'm sure not all straight girls are like that, but an overwhelming amount definitely are). I think one of the best examples I can give for this is Phan. This is a bit different since it's not anime, but instead real people, but if anything that really drives home the point even more. The way Dan and Phil were (and probably still are) treated in the fandom internet space is disturbing, to say the least. Their audience, while much of it was queer, was also made up of an overwhelming amount of heterosexual girls who not only shipped them intensely, but also often sexualized them. And look, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a straight girl and writing smut, but it gets to a point where it can be kind of weird if its excessive. Like, if that's all the relationship is really about, and if the people you're writing about are real human beings, that's definitely overstepping. I will admit that I had a Wattpad and that I wrote Phanfic way back when, and this is something I'm not exactly proud of. Granted, I did not write anything explicit, it was still super weird, whether or not I was queer. And I'm not saying all the problematic aspects of the Phandom were because of straight girls, because what I contributed was arguably problematic, and I did not identify as straight at the time. At the same time, though, there were straight girls who wrote exclusively smut (or "lemons" as they might've been referred to at the time). There were those who analyzed every post, every bit of information they could find about these men on the internet. They obsessed over the fact that they occasionally shared clothes (which is fairly common for roomates of similar sizes to do), and gathered evidence to support the theory that they shared a bed. It was bad. It was invasive, and it got to the point where it wasn't about the people, it was about the fetishized fantasy these girls made up in their heads about these real, actual men.

Dan and Phil's online presence kind of disappeared for a few years... and I don't blame them.

Getting back on track, mlm is prominent for queer people because it's the LGBT representation they so desperately want to see actualized in media. If a show doesn't make their favorite queer ship canon (and they often don't), they'll do it themselves! That's what fanfic is for! I also know that queer people project onto these characters a lot, and that writing about them is almost like a form of therapy. They see these characters as queer, and they see themselves in these characters, so they write about these characters experiencing similar emotions to them. The thing is, the most compelling characters are male, so those are the characters they end up focusing on, even if the person in question is strictly sapphic. My best example is how I project onto Reki. Personally, I end up thinking of him as (and thus end up writing him as) having some internalized homophobia around being bisexual. That's literally what I am currently going through. I can't project this onto any of the female characters in Sk8, because I couldn't see them going through this experience because they're not developed enough to.

Despite all of this, I still enjoy all of the shows I mention a lot. I think it's just an interesting topic that I was thinking about. I'm not trying to bash anything that I used as an example, these were just my personal observations based off of what I know about these shows and their fandoms. I do, though, believe shipping real people isn't super cool, and I stand by that as someone who used to do it. I'm not going to stop you... I just think it's intrusive and inappropriate to pretend like you know enough about influencers to dictate who they should be involved with romantically. Their love life is, frankly, none of your damn business.

So, long story short, we should make anime (and popular media in general) less misogynistic.

(Also, please leave Dan and Phil alone, they deserve privacy)

#fandom #anime #mlm #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #sk8 the infinity #yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice #horimiya #kind of an essay #kind of a brain dump #I hope I got my point across #I spent a little bit too much time of this probably #yes I was a phannie a little while ago #don't judge me #I didn't want to tag this as phan for fear that they would attack me #I don't need the wrath of the phandom

[the-ghost-king]

Interestingly enough the fandom isn't always rational with their criticism. Take Percy and Rachel for instance. A perfectly healthy cute and functional relationship dynamic, but people really hated it because it got in the way of Percy/Annabeth.

I think it can also come down to the fact that not all situations are exactly equal if that makes sense. If you have a character dynamic in couple A, that often playfully bully of fight with eachother that's a different dynamic than relationship B, where one person has trauma resulting from bullying and the other parter behaves in roughly the same way as couple A do. In that case the behavior may be seen as inappropriate. Not that this example has anything to do with the ships at hand, but I think a long form meta examining the different paralleling issues from both relationships and their validity would be easier.

Also I haven't seen anything about about Nico/Will being called toxic. Yikes, what are people saying exactly, because I don't doubt a lot of people might be projecting unconcious bias.

Oh absolutely, I may seem young but I remember the Rachel vs Annabeth ship wars all too well... I do not want to go back 😅

The rest is under a read more though, I got a little carried away talking! Also this isn't my best post on the issue by far so please feel free to check out the tags I mention later on!

(AN: I use nblm alongside mlm in this post because some nblm individuals will consider their attraction to men as gay, or queer, while others will not and those individuals are often closely connected to mlm experiences and they also deserve to talk about their thoughts and feelings if they wish. I am aware nonbinary people are not a monolith and not all nonbinary people will categorize themselves or their attraction this way, it's up to nonbinary individuals reading this to determine where they fall on what)

As for Solangelo being toxic some of the conversations revolve around the ableist nature of the ship, this is definitely most obviously a dynamic in BoO, and it's a more than fair point about the ship I don't have anything negative to say there in the slightest!

(The above parallels with the idea that Will is introduced as a "healer character" for the "sad gay kid", which is a fair criticism as well but one that's often left rather one sided, because while that is true- if it's a way Nico likes being treated (watched closely for injuries and cared for) then it's not wrong, and in ToN Will is seen overstepping Nico's boundaries which causes a healthy argument about Will doing so and he stops, so if Nico doesn't tell Will "no" or some variation he's obviously not horribly uncomfortable with the situation, or from the way it would be interpreted alongside previous text, there's fair reason to think he likes it)

The thing with Solangelo I see often is "Nico is still processing trauma, and internalized homophobia and isn't ready for a relationship" which is a huge misunderstanding on how trauma and internalized homophobia work as a whole, because the experiences can be different for everyone. You can absolutely date someone while processing internalized homophobia, you may struggle with certain things but it is absolutely doable for some people. And trauma is such a varied thing, and it's not like he's solely relying on Will either, he is seeing Dionysus for therapy and getting the help he needs! Your life doesn't have to go on hold for therapy no matter how much trauma you are sorting through! (Not disclosing my medical history or anything but I have struggled with both things and my life didn't stop for me to deal with them, I made new friends, went on dates, etc- it is possible depending on the person so the very narrow view of "this is unhealthy" and "this is impossible" rubs me wrong when it's treated as fact over opinion, because it's an opinion).

There's also constant discussions about how fandom (in current) fetishizes both Nico and Will, which I, and other mlm and nblm have spoken our own thoughts on multiple times to be largely ignored by the biggest perpetrators of this "they're overly fetishized narrative". There's also fairly consistent discussion of how fandom treats Nico and reduces him to uwu small gay boy, which more often than not seems to mean "effeminate" rather than actually harmful stereotyping (yes queer men are allowed to be "girly" especially considering there is some canon text that could be interpreted with that meaning, if there wasn't a plausible way to determine canon that way I wouldn't care if people were going after others feminizing Nico a bit- but the issue is again, fact and feeling aren't the same and fandom seem to conflate the two rather often).

(Some of that ties into nonbinary Nico head canons which are common as of current, and that argument quickly becomes transphobic is people don't watch themselves... Even without bringing nonbinary Nico into the equation, headcanoning Nico as femme isn't bad or wrong, and to say otherwise becomes gender policing which is bad).

There's also this weird obsession with there being a "correct way" to ship mlm ships (specifically solangelo), which when considering it's not mlm or nblm saying those things, it becomes really uncomfortable. Especially because the wording of some posts is less "hey this is homophobic" and comes off more like people are more upset at seeing an mlm couple than at the fact that they're being shipped poorly.

All of this in combination with the constant, talking over of queer guys (specifically mlm and nblm) comes off really messed up, and yeah homophobic.

It's not something that can be pinned down to one specific thing but rather a series of smaller microagressions (which in sure most of are intended in good faith but are being filled with subconscious bias) that build up over time- which is why my concern is that solangelo is facing harsher criticism/different treatment that percabeth simply for being a queer ship.

I can't be 100% sure on that like I said, because that's something that is hard to gain tangible evidence for, or maybe even impossible :/

If there wasn't so many other small things going on alongside the harsher criticism of solangelo, I would honestly just ignore it... But the weird policing of "how to ship solangelo" while proclaiming it's "overly fetishized" all while speaking over a not insignificant number of mlm and nblm who have agreed with certain opinions, or taken time to write their own (+ some of the rhetoric that can be found on he blogs of people commonly expressing these opinions) is super uncomfortable and definitely homophobic... Even if they were treating the ship kind of weird, but treating the queer guys talking about it well and actually listening (because the current solangelo fandom probably has the highest proportion of queer guys in comparison to any other fandom I've been in with an mlm ship as of right now) I wouldn't be so bothered... But sadly that's not the case..

(I'd also like to note out of my posts criticizing the current conversations happening around the issue my post saying "listen to mlm voices" got a lot more notes than some of the other ones, which I can't say is specifically anything, because like solangelo perhaps being treated unfairly to percabeth, I am willing to acknowledge there might not be an issue- but it's weird how often mlm and nblm's posts on "listen to us" will be uplifted but never any actual criticism... Just a thought)

I detail things a little closer and in more detail in some of my posts tagged #fandom homophobia, #mlm fetishism, and #gender policing in fandom, it's not a full or comprehensive list (I've only really started speaking up in the last month or so), and it is largely solangelo specific. However I am always interested in listening to the voices of other queer guys about the issues and hearing out their thoughts as well (people aren't a monolith and I'm interested in trying to be as nuanced as possible!) and I acknowledge that although I am mlm and am going to be a little better at recognizing issues and calling them out (although I like every person am not perfect of course)

So yeah! That's a bit of the current ongoings, again not a full comprehensive list, and definitely not my best explanation ever but I think the point gets across well enough? Definitely check out my other tags if you're interested in more, there's also definitely more posts I need to make on some of the things I've seen (maybe not all of them so solangelo fandom specific, and maybe some of them even more solangelo fandom specific) but it's rather slow work in progress!

#asks #anon #long post

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I can't bind because of a collarbone injury (tried the two bras method and was almost crying in pain about half an hour later because of the pressure in the bad shoulder), so, do you have tips to live with the dysphoria my chest causes in the everyday life? :(

Lee says:

First, I’d also recommend the obvious-- see a doctor about your injury if you haven’t already! If there’s any treatment that you can do that’ll help you recover quicker, find a diagnosis to explain the injury if these types of things are common occurrences for you, or even help you manage the pain during the recovery whether it’s OTC medication or otherwise, it might be worth inquiring about.

(Another obvious note: if you have to take medication to manage the pain, you shouldn’t take even more meds so you can bind without feeling what your body is telling you about the injury! Some folks do ignore the pain and push through it and continue to bind, and that scene doesn’t end happy.)

This post describes a padded undershirt to help make your chest less noticeable by filling out the other areas. It doesn’t really have any instructions on how to make one, but the concept is a good one for someone who is good at sewing or DIY projects (like many cosplayers are) so if you think you have the time to trial and error experiment with it, that might be an option.

We don’t usually like to recommend KT or TransTape binding for several reasons, primarily the issues many people report when removing the tape even when they do it properly; I’ve seen a lot of pictures of skin irritations ranging from rashes to boils as a result. I only mention it because sometimes you can avoid most of the collarbone pressure you may be experiencing from a binder depending on where you place the tape-- but of course, you should be aware of the side effects that may result.

We also have a Clothing to wear to help disguise chest post, and wearing shirts cut in certain styles, layering or wearing a sweatshirt, and avoiding certain patterns or using other patterns can make a small difference but even a small difference is better than nothing.

I’d also recommend my personal method for coping with dysphoria: planning for the future. This isn’t an obvious one, but for me, knowing I’m taking steps toward the thing that’ll solve my dysphoria makes it easier to bear in the meantime. Like starting to save money for top surgery, for example. So start to research insurance plans, or surgeons, or consider getting a part time job. 

Some folks find it harder to think about something like surgery if it feels like it’s really far away and it makes them more dysphoric, but I personally am a goal-motivated person and planning how to get to my goal in a semi-obsessive way is pretty much the main thing that keeps me going when I’m struggling. So even if I wasn’t able to bind when my sensory issues were bugging me, knowing that I was still getting closer to surgery by saving money helped me feel a little better. 

Whether you find distraction and activity lists more helpful, or radical acceptance, or planning for the future, you may want to look into getting some professional help on developing additional coping skills that work for you if those things aren’t enough for you to get by and you feel like you’re starting to tip into depression. Dysphoria that isn’t managed often causes new and exciting additional mental health issues, so it’s best to stay on top of it. That doesn’t mean your only choice is to “eliminate” it right away and nothing else can help; like you said, you have to find a way to live with it, for the time being.

So coping with chest dysphoria isn’t only finding ways to physically hide and minimize your chest. Coping skills can be all sorts of things, like healthy exercise, coloring, hanging out with a friend, and any stuff that is good for your mental health in general.

Our Dysphoria page has a Dysphoria Tips Masterpost and we have a Mental health page- hopefully there’s some tips in there that you find helpful! I’ll link you to those pages instead of reinventing the wheel here.

Followers, any tips on living with the chest dysphoria in everyday life when binding or surgery isn’t currently a possibility?

Followers say:

intelligent-space-gay said: I’ve heard about male corsets that flatten the chest that might help bc of the lack of pressure on the shoulders, might be worth having a look into

studentdinosaur said: Altering other parts of your expression can help. Before I had top surgery I couldn't bind because of asthma, so what I did to help was change my wardrobe a bit. Like wearing men's underwear or using "men's" soaps and such

#Lee says #dysphoria #coping with dysphoria #trans #chest dysphoria #chest m #breast m #Anonymous #transgender #transgenderteensurvivalguide #TTSG

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d always prided myself on being able to meet people IRL. Who needed dating apps? Not me. But when I turned 23, I came out as bisexual, and suddenly, I began struggling to meet potential romantic partners the old-fashioned way. The confidence I once had with women slowly dwindled, until it seemingly vanished entirely. Foolishly, when I came out, I thought the world would be my oyster. I believed Woody Allen when he said, “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”

Instead, the opposite occurred. I’d tell women I was bi, and they’d quickly reply, “Oh, I can’t date a guy who’s bisexual.” So I started waiting a few dates until the women got to know me better. I figured once they liked and trusted me, they’d feel more comfortable dating a bi guy. That’s when I started getting ghosted.

During the time period women assumed I was straight, I didn’t feel like myself. I kept obsessing over what their response would be when I eventually did come out to them and feared my effeminate mannerisms would turn them off.

Gay men, while typically responding more positively than straight women, simply pretended I was gay. They’d ignore the fact I was bisexual, only to get uncomfortable when I brought up an ex-girlfriend. Yet they had no problem bringing up their ex-boyfriends. Or, they assumed I would eventually transition into “full-blown gay,” and were patiently waiting for me to make the big announcement. When it didn’t come, our texting would peter out.

So I downloaded Tinder. At first I didn’t put that I was bisexual in my profile — not because I was ashamed, but because I thought more people would Like me if they didn’t know. I could tell them later. But then I found myself breaking the news before agreeing to meet up in person and getting rejected over and over again.

It’s exhausting being rejected no matter the reason, but when it’s for something innate to your identity — something you can’t change — you’re left feeling discouraged, until discouragement eventually morphs into hopelessness.

With nothing to lose, I added “bi” to my profile. Those two simple letters changed everything. Quickly, the number of matches I had with women dropped by at least 90 percent, and that is not an exaggeration, but the matches I did make were much more meaningful. I didn’t need to officially “come out” because they saw my sexuality on my profile and Liked me, which alleviated a lot of pressure. We also tended to actually chat more on the app and eventually meet up.

Prominently displaying my sexuality filtered out people, in particular women, who wouldn’t date me because of my sexuality. Most of the time, my matches were queer or if the women were straight, they loved dating bi men. In their experience, openly bisexual men were less concerned with gender norms and often better in bed. Of course, I loved hearing this, and this was a couple years before Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, Ph.D. published her book, Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men by Women, in which she interviewed 78 women about their experiences with bi men, and found that well, dating an openly bi guy is the absolute best.

For the first time in my life, women wanted to date me for something that others ostracized. I felt empowered and optimistic about my romantic future.

Ross, a 27 year-old living in Chicago, had a similar experience when he added “bi” to his profile. “The few women that do [Like me] are generally more open-minded or even consider themselves on the queer spectrum,” he says. “The ratio of queer to straight women I’ve dated is drastic.”

I also found myself meeting more bi men. Men who didn’t explicitly write “bi” on their profile, but would happily say something the moment they saw I proudly displayed my sexuality. Except for my current boyfriend, who identifies as gay, every person I’ve dated seriously has identified as bisexual or queer. I don’t think that’s coincidental. When you have shared experiences with discrimination, it’s easier to date. You share common ground and trauma.

Michael, 42, who lives in Somerville, Massachusetts, has a boldy bisexual Tinder profile picture. The image depicts him opening up his suit to review a big purple “Bi” shirt, à la Superman. “I’ve always had something written about my sexuality as a filter,” Michael says. “I figure it’s important to list big, fat deal-breakers upfront, like being non-monogamous, for example.”

He credits this transparency for his positive experience. “I often attract people who are relieved someone is being open about being bi,” he says. “I get compliments and responses of solidarity, which is sometimes enough to make up for the crappy bi-hating behavior I otherwise see so frequently.”

Like Michael, I too have encountered what he so eloquently called “crappy bi-hating behavior.” It wasn’t all rainbows, unicorns, and acceptance once I updated my bio. I had people take in upon themselves to tell me bisexuality doesn’t exist. Some folks only matched with me to then “prove” that I’m not bisexual since I’ve “only had sex with men for the past six months.” But do you know what’s great about online dating? You can unmatch those people. You don’t have to reply. You don’t have to engage. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

#bisexual tinder #tinder #bisexuality #lgbtq community #bi #lgbtq #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #pride #bi pride #bi tumblr #dating #dating apps #bisexual dating #lgbtq youth #bisexual youth #bisexual community #bisexual education #respect bisexuality #respect bisexual people #bisexual rights #bisexual injustice #bisexual info #tips/info