No Pretending - Jegulus
James muttered an excuse to his friends and quickly left the dinner table. He gave a weak smile when Sirius asked if he was okay, and assured that he was, just wanted to get some Quidditch practice in.
As a matter of fact, he was not okay. James rarely was, but he wanted to pretend like he was fine. What reason did he have to be so sad? All his other friends went through something, and James had a loving family, great friends, and he was doing fine in school. So why wasn’t he okay?
James felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think sometimes, like the voices in his head wouldn’t stop. Everything just got too much to hide sometimes, and when it did, James left. He didn’t want to burden anyone with his stupid problems. It wasn’t like he was actually going through anything.
What James didn’t notice when he left was the slightly concerned face Regulus made from the Slytherin table, watching him as he left, then quickly making an excuse to his friends to leave.
James didn’t notice Regulus following him, because he was too overwhelmed by everything and was just focusing his energy on trying not to cry, so he didn’t even hear Regulus’ footsteps behind him. Regulus grew increasingly more and more concerned.
James went to the quidditch pitch, just like he had told his friends he would do, but he didn’t practice. No, he just crouched out on the grass, and tried to focus his breathing, tried not to cry, but he failed at both. Why couldn’t he breathe?
Distantly, he felt someone crouch down next to him, and he looked up, quickly wiping away his tears and putting on a smile. He still couldn’t breathe though, and was sure he looked a mess.
He wasn’t expecting to see Regulus when he looked up.
“Hi Reggie,” James said weakly.
Regulus, for once, didn’t give James a talking to for the nickname, showing just how bad James must look.
“What’s wrong? “Regulus inquired, unable to hide the worry in his tone. “What happened?”
James slowly shook his head. “Nothing- nothing happened. I don’t know why I’m acting like this,” he still couldn’t quite keep his breathing even.
Regulus pulled James’ hands to himself, and starting breathing louder. “Breathe, James. Just follow what I’m doing, okay?”
It took a couple of minutes, but after following Regulus’ breathing, James eventually calmed down. He felt his cheeks heat as he realized what he was doing.
“I’m sorry,” James spoke.
Regulus looked surprised. “Whatever for?” he asked, trying to act gruff but he still couldn’t keep his concern from his tone.
James waved a hand in the air helplessly. “For whatever this was. I don’t know what happened.”
Regulus looked at him with a new understanding.
“You’re used to acting like you’re fine all the time, but you’re not.”
Regulus stopped James before he even opened his mouth to protest.
“And that’s fine. It’s fine that you’re not okay and- “Regulus took a steady breath before plowing on. “And I’ll be here, no matter if you’re sad, happy, or mad. I’ll still love you, no matter what.”
James’ eyes blurred for an entirely different reason now. This was the first time Regulus said the L word. James had said it multiple times, but Regulus had never quite managed it yet.
“I love you too,” He assured.
Regulus gave him a half smile. “I know,” he said, pulling James close. “And I’ll be here, okay? You don’t have to pretend around me anymore.”
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Steve watched Eddie's van turn the corner and shut the front door, closing himself away from the outside world so none of his neighbors could see him as he rested his forehead against the painted wood.
"I'm not going to cry," he told himself.
He said it even as his eyes began to burn and his face began to twist, teeth grinding and throat closing. He wiped quickly at his face, again and again, as he stumbled to the couch to sit, drying each tear as it rolled down his cheeks, clinging to his jaw.
"I'm not going to fucking cry," Steve choked, and then doubled over into himself, arms around his thighs, and he began to sob.
So what if he was twenty-two, living in his parent's house alone, working the same dead-end job with a sixteen year old manager. So what if all his friends and family were in college, spread out from New York to Chicago to Los Angeles. So what if his boyfriend was moving to Seattle for his band and they broke up, because Steve was never going to be his parents, resenting and being resented for keeping his partner from his dreams. So what if he was too scared to ask Eddie to stay, to ask Eddie if Steve could go with him. So what if everyone moved on and Steve couldn't?
Steve grew up lonely. He could get used to it again.
He didn't realize how hard he was crying until the front door burst back open and Eddie hurled himself at Steve's feet, long limbed and clumsy and babbling.
"Baby, oh fuck, I'm sorry," he said, already untangling Steve from himself, tying all his loose ends back up together with his until they were a knot of their own. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Stevie. I never should have— I wanted to—"
"I'm sorry," Steve sobbed back. He gasped and swallowed it all back down. Eddie had already gotten them raveled up again, it would take forever to pick it back apart. Steve knew it would hurt worse this time. "Fuck, Ed, you didn't have to— I'll be okay, I don't want to hold you back—"
"Come with me," Eddie burst.
And Steve couldn't help himself, and began to sob again.
"Please," Eddie begged over Steve's crying, his voice shaking and his face wet enough to match Steve's. "Please, sweetheart, honey, please just come with me?"
Steve took a shaky breath, embarrassed and now too full of hope and fear. "You sure?" he whispered. He pressed his face into Eddie's neck, breathing him in again for what might be the last time, again. "Eddie, don't—"
"I'm so sure," Eddie said. "I'm so fucking sure, Steve, please."
"Okay," Steve breathed. Eddie had always been the braver of the two of them, especially when it counted. Steve leaned back so he could look at him, red faced and watery eyes. He tried to give Eddie a smile, but he knew it was wobbly and weak. "Okay."
All of Steve's fears meant nothing as he watched the happiness break like dawn over Eddie's face.
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Sometimes I sit down and realise how little we actually know about the clones in Canon and how much we just made up and decided was cannon.
Like the clone have never actually spoke Mando'a, Fives and Echo aren't really twins, Torrent never officially adopted Ahsoka into their aliit, Kote isn't really Cody's name, we know next to nothing about Fox and the Corries. I mean there isn't even a command batch, we don't actually know if Ponds, Cody, Wolffe, Bly and Fox were batchers that adopted Rex on Komino to save him from the long necks and Alpha-17 just had to live with it.
It's wild how much of what most people consider cannon was made up by fans, and it's amazing.
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