#they didn't know each other well enough before then. they didn't choose to confide in each other until then.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Not like when were they attracted or had a spark but when did they first, in your mind fall IN LOVE. Platonic, romantic, any form. When did their connection become deep enough that you consider it Love?

Your choice whether you count from when they're Both in love or just one of them, if you think those are different times.

(PS this is just a silly little poll, be nice even if you disagree <3 also tell me your reasoning in the tags!)

#destiel #deancas #I'm curious! #i think it's the great pumpkin personally #they didn't know each other well enough before then. they didn't choose to confide in each other until then. #in my opinion 😜 #i just put all the cas episodes in s4 #i conflated the last 2 for space I'm SORRY #cawis creates #maybe i will do a pie chart art project when this is done. like each episode in its slice that'd be cute...

[deadmeat666]

BIRDS' NEST hoshiumi x top male reader x hinata

warnings. threesome, blowjob, fellatio, unmentioned size differences, facesitting, slight subtop reader, messy ejaculation, ass so fat your neck feels like a twig

a/n. a long one from big boy al' this time??? unbelievable.

"Quit it." The two words seemed simple enough to be spoken properly, but you only managed to sneer it out due to it being cut off earlier by the two boys that had seemed to claim their territory on either sides of your cock.

Despite the well divided quote-on-quote "land" they had been given, it didn't seem to stop them thrashing and going for each other's throat.

You had already made a mental note to yourself; if either of them pisses you off you would surely pull back in your cock into the comfy confinement or your underwear. Maybe if you were feeling a little sadistic; force them to get along with eachother and watch them work hard for you to pull it out again.

"We can't exactly get the full of you since. . . you only have one cock." Hoshiumi mustered up a complain with a pout, resting his cheek against your cock while Hinata's glare bored a hole into his head, pushing Hoshiumi's head off your cock. That surely earned a snarl from him.

"Just make do." You shrugged it off. You were practically feeling lazy tonight, so you were expecting the boys to treat themselves on your cock instead of you, a man having to pleasure both of them by yourself like a mother bird feeding her children. You can't just grow another dick, can you? Oh how you wished you could.

"Quit with the useless talk. I choose dibs on the cock" Hinata confidently said before managing to deepthroat you in a single try, letting out a muffled 'Mmf!' once he felt your cock digging at his throat. Precum dripping down his throat, all hot and sticky. Hinata had taken it upon himself— he will have your cum dripping down from his mouth and nostrils by the end of the night.

Hoshiumi let out a jealous huff, obviously not satisfied how unfair this whole thing was. He crawled his way so that his whispering voice can reach your ears.

"This is so. . . unfair!" he grumbled through gritted teeth "C'mon, big guy. I at least have to get something, yeah? Don't you feel bad for lil' old me?" He said the last sentence in a cutesy manner and gesture, slowly tracing circles on your abdomen. But he knew that no matter what he do— or even Hinata, you'd always give in.

". . .I do have a face." You looked at him expectantly as you finished the sentence. Getting what you were hinting at, he enthusiastically plopped himself down onto your face, clearly not aware that if he even tried to do it harder, your neck would surely break. Slowly, he had start to relax himself, letting his weight fall onto your face, or head at this point. Your head was slowly sinking into the pillow every second, and you could feel a slight pop inside your neck.

Hoshiumi was not the only one enjoying himself, Hoshiumi taking his place on your face was already too much. Not too mention the fact your entire view was blocked. You couldn't exactly see what Hinata was doing, except you know he's absolutely gobbling down on you from the way your cock will be met of cold air hitting your wet cock before eventually feeling the hotness of his mouth.

What a sight to behold it was. Two famous athletes of Japan, absolutely melting on your body like pornstars instead- why haven't they chosen that career path instead? But there was one thing nobody could deny; You were the luckiest man on the earth.

You greedily gripped on Hoshiumi's thighs, hard enough to leave red, raging marks of your fingers as a sign that you were the one that did it to him, and bury your face deeper, consume his ass, every last strings of dignity leaving you, as the wet sounds of you devouring him and Hinata going down on you was stuffed into your ears and head.

"O-Oh! W-why so..hmph~..sudden?" he whimpered, gripping onto your hair that only resulted into you burying your face deeper. He caged his thighs around your head and let out a pitiful whine and his hand struggle to find a source of support to hold on to. His dick, shaking and shivering, leaked cum that dripped down onto your chest like raindrops, creating a puddle on your pecs that slowly trailed down to the sheets below.

On the other hand, Hinata wasn't having it easy on you either. With mouth basically vacuuming the entirety of your cock; pair of innocent doll eyes wasn't able to find yours with the presence of another man on your face- he opted to close his eyes instead. There was no need for them if they couldn't feast on your pleasured face as he sucked you off. Hinata had completely gone autopilot mode, keeping his fragile mind at bay but it'd surely break into pieces once you finally release your load of life into his tiny mouth.

With every second passed, you felt like losing yourself like celestial heaven had come down upon a sinful man such as you, embracing you.

You were running short on breaths as Hoshiumi quickened his grinding on your face, creating pleasurable frictions that sent shocks through him. Hinata clawed on your thighs and forced himself to deepthroat your cock, pushing out an audible squeak from him when he felt your cum flood into his passage.

Simultaneously, Hoshiumi ejaculated a loud and powerful orgasm that spurted out like a water fountain. From his own chest, to yours, to Hinata's hair and face, the milky liquid stained itself like a shower.

Looks like you managed to kill two birds with just a stone.

woe, bottoms be upon ye. ill be hibernating in my coffin after this.

#DEADMEAT WRITES #top male reader #top amab reader #amab reader #haikyuu smut #seme male reader

[leviscolwill]

7. "if you win, i'll kiss you" with trent!!!!! 😩😩 bc we know he’s a competitive son of a bitch <333

congrats again on 600 baby! 🫶

- @lomltrentarnold 🪽

so come here and give me some kisses ★

pairing: trent alexander arnold x reader

note: thank u soooooo much for your request my lovely hana,, i hope u like it, i love writing competitive trent 🤭

this blurb was inspired by this video <3

now playing six thirty by ariana grande...

your relationship with trent was ambiguous to say the least. you liked him, well it was hard not to. and you knew he liked you too. hell, everyone at st george's park knew you liked each other. but he had yet to make any concrete move towards you.

trent was standing in front of you, getting mic-ed up for another pr video. they were never his favorites, but if he had a chance to beat his teammates, he'd always take it.

while you were polishing up the last details before filming with your colleagues, you shot a quick glance at trent looking oh so adorable in his apron. he walked towards you and rested his chin on your shoulder, giving you a quick smile.

“you know you're never winning this one right?” you told him in a cheeky tone with the sole purpose of riling him up. you knew just how competitive he could get, even with something as trivial as a bake off opposing him to hendo, dec and kieran.

“are you doubting my baking skills right now, love?” his accent thick and sassiness dripping from his voice.

“oh no, i wouldn't dare. ‘m just saying dec has a much better shot at winning than you.” you wouldn't trust declan with your kitchen even if your life depended on it, too scared you'd lose your whole flat in a house fire. but the sight of trent, chuckling to himself at your words was enough to spur you on.

he was a confident man, confident enough to know you didn't mean a word you said. also confident enough in his baking skills to know that he’ll win no matter what. but your teasing made the gears in his brain spin faster. “what do i get if i prove you wrong and win then?”

you took a quick look around to: 1. escape trent's face that seemed to get closer to yours by the second, 2. check if any of your colleagues caught up on the somewhat intimate moment you were sharing, only to find out they all left to do whatever they needed to do.

you thought a few seconds of what to tell him before an idea popped in your head. it might seem too bold, but truthfully you were sick of waiting for trent to make a move on you. “mmmhh...” you pretended to think for a couple seconds, “if you win this, i'll kiss you.”

trent looked stunt at your proposal, his brown eyes looking even wider than usual. “yeah! i mean, are you sure?” as much as he tried to keep up a façade, you could see right through his false confidence. the skin of his ears turning into a reddish tone and his eyes looking anywhere but in yours.

you quickly nod, before pecking his cheek. trent didn't get the time to fully register your action, you were already gone god knows where.

the next time your eyes meet, you were standing behind the camera with the rest of the communication team. trent was torn between exchanging knowing glances and smiles with you or focusing on baking his gingerbread man. he chooses the latter, well aware of the reward awaiting him when he'll win.

after some more baking, the results were in. and you could feel trent's stare on you while he was waiting expectantly for his name to be called as the winner.

and once it inevitably happened, trent locked eyes with you in a stare that could only mean one thing: ‘i told you, you know what happens now’.

your name was called and you had to leave before trent was done wrapping up the video. this gave you time to mentally prepare yourself, you didn't regret your impulsive bet but you were overthinking everything that might go wrong.

in the midst of your turmoil, two hands gripped your shoulders making you turn in surprise. you weren't too surprised to see trent behind you, you gave him a warm smile before making sure none of your colleagues were in sight.

“i told you i'd win.” his face was still glowing from his earlier triumph.

you reciprocated the smile on his face, meeting his deep brown eyes. “i know... i knew you'd win this.” you let your hand wander over his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body slowly taking over yours.

“i thought we had a deal...” trent's voice brought you out of your daydream. your movement suddenly stopped to look up at him.

you didn't give him a verbal answer, choosing to stand on your tippy toes before pressing your lips against his. you felt his lips turn into a smile against yours, before kissing you back with more passion than words could ever hold. his hands cupping your face to bring you even closer if that was possible, not ready to let go of you just yet.

once he did pull away, he looked at you with admiration sparkling in his eyes. his thumb stroked your cheek softly, while you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. what did this kiss mean for the two of you? were things going to be weird now? could you even kiss a player without consequ-

“so, i think the next step should be me asking you out?”

#blurb celebration #and then she writes one shots 💀 #600 followers celebration <3 #football x reader #football one shot #football fanfic #football fluff #football imagine #footballer imagine #football blurb #trent alexander arnold #trent alexander imagines #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold blurb #trent alexander arnold fluff #trent alexander arnold one shot #taa x reader #taa fluff #taa blurb #taa one shot

[glystenangel]

with heart💞

boyfriend!gojo x gn!reader (canonverse)

tags/warnings: 18+ blog but this one is fluff/hurt/comfort!!, domestic stuff, handholding, kisses, cuddling, gojo teases you a bit, canonverseish gojo, slightly corny but only bc u are both so in love!!!

summary: you and gojo help each other get better at love

~<1k words

_________________

Gojo treats you well.

But more importantly, he treats you like a person.

He holds your hands and traces the spaces between your knuckles with the tip of his forefinger.

He hums when his head is in your lap and you’re stroking the ivory strands of his hair, always placing his hand over yours after you rest it on the plane of his cheek. The touch of his palm confident and warm.

Wherever you two go on a dinner date, you take a walk after and he swings your hands together, laughing and twirling you around so he can hug you from behind with his chin resting perfectly in the curve of your shoulder.

You love him wholeheartedly, and he shares his whole heart with you in flower bouquets and teary midnight conversations whenever either of you are feeling down.

He lets you eat the strawberries on his cakes, calls you just to see how you’re doing whenever he’s away, and grins so hard you can practically feel it when he comes home from a long mission and gets to hug you.

Everything about Gojo makes you melt, especially because you know that the feeling is shared.

You don’t mind that some nights he cries himself to sleep. Quietly, so that you don’t wake up.

Because you wake up anyway, resting a gentle hand between his shoulder blades and cradling him against your chest as he mutters broken apologies.

Because when he finally falls asleep, he holds you tightly by the waist, pulling you as close as possible. As if he was afraid you were a dream that would disappear in the morning if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

You treat him delicately, infinitely more gentle than the world that demands his talents until he is far past the brink of exhaustion. The world that keeps him poised for battle and where he spends far too much time facing curses than his own demons.

He tries not to take it out on you, and you can see whenever he is trembling with thin irritation because you are truly the only one he has in his life, but even with you he can’t always reel in his protective apathy enough to resist pushing you away with the occasional snide comment.

He never says anything that actually hurts you, but the shame he feels is instant and nearly incapacitating regardless.

It usually ends with him silently slouched on the floor, too mortified by his past and how it causes him to behave to do anything more than look up at you between shaky fingers over his face.

The sight, even now, causes your heart to ache.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean that.” He croaks out, “I’m just so tired.”

You crouch down to place a hand on his broad shoulder, learning early on in your relationship to not take any expressed frustration personally and realizing long ago that Gojo needed more care than he would ever admit.

“Do you want to eat something or sleep?”

He lowers his hands from his face, resting them at the sides of his neck and staring only at the ground, “Sleep.”

“Come on then.” You tug at his arm, and he gets up to follow you into your shared bedroom.

Once you’re both settled in the blankets, with your ear pressed to his heartbeat and him fiddling idly with your fingers, he lets out a lengthy exhale.

“It’s alright.” Your instincts tell you to say, and he shakes his head before squeezing you close.

“Are you going to leave me now?”

“No.” You answer nonchalantly, without hesitation.

Another sigh, and then you feel him relax beside you.

Loving Gojo means that you can read his actions more than his words, but even when he finally allows himself some much needed rest and succumbs to sleep, you’re unsure if he believes you.

You can’t tell if he chooses to drift off because it might make your possible attempts to leave him less noticeable, or because he trusts that you will stay.

As he sleeps, you continue listening to his even breathing and slowed heartbeats, hoping that someday soon the burden of strength will at least weigh less.

Because at heart, Gojo is a person too.

That reminder laces your own slumber, and then when you wake to him framing your face with large palms and soft kisses of gratitude, you know that his faith in you is completely reassured.

“I love you.” He mumbles, and you can feel that his eyes are closed the next time he kisses the corner of your mouth from the light flutter of his eyelashes against your cheek.

“I know.”

“No fair.” He groans, in a voice still scratchy with sleep, “Say it back!”

The smile you can never hide around him blooms across your features, “I love you, Gojo.” 

The admission has him searching for your hand under the blankets and bringing it to his lips for a chaste kiss.

“Thank you.”

Your smile only widens, “Thank you too.”

Gojo quirks up a brow, “For what?”

You weave your fingers together, lifting his hand to your warm cheek.

It’s covered in long healed scars from when he trained as a child, raised against his skin and so slight they are almost imperceptible.

Almost. 

His eyes seem to soften at your careful touch, pale blue rain melting into unfathomable depths. If love had a certain look to it, it was definitely in those sea colored eyes. Curled in every silvery fleck and home in every gaze upon you.

“For being lovable.” You finally say, and Gojo laughs with an obvious streak of sarcasm punctuating his response.

“You are so silly. It's cute.”

“I’m not.” You feign a frown, and his grin broadens with all the love in the world remaining captive in his eyes.

“You are.” He insists, tugging you closer.

You roll your eyes before giving the sculpted point of his nose a deft poke.

“And yet. You love me.”

Gojo traces a finger along your face, adoring lines over your eyes, down your cheeks, and around your lips.

“I do.” 

And he absolutely does.

_________________

End Notes:

felt a bit sad and wrote this pretty quickly! idk, I feel like dating Gojo would be difficult in reality, but as long as the love is there any hardships would be overcome 100% :)💗

seems like he needs someone</3

#myfics #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #gojo jjk #gojo jujutsu kaisen #gojo imagine #gojo fic #gojo satoru #gojo fluff #gojo oneshot #jjk fluff #gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x gender neutral reader #gojo x gn!reader #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo fanfic #gojo comfort #gojo angst

[lovincherries]

Choose Me

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THE BACK STORY, THERE WILL BE A NOTE WHERE THE SMUT STARTS!

summary: you want Aaron to choose you, so you show him why you're worth choosing.

a/n: I'M BACKKKKKK this is probs gonna flop because i haven't written anything in so long, but i couldn't resist!!! this feels like a mess, i'm sorry i just had to get this idea out of my mind. Maybe I'll make a part two if this does well?

warnings: smut, cheating, light daddy kink, and very light, almost non-existent breeding kink.

word count:

I did get inspiration from @sgrantsgf, her writings heavily inspired my choice to make his wife a bitch!!!

You met him on the set of Bullet Train, you were his hair and makeup artist (not that he needed any makeup at all). He was so easy to talk to and so handsome. You couldn't resist his charm, not that you tried whatsoever. It was innocent flirting at first, him complimenting you on small things and you receiving it with a smile. Then, you became friends, him confiding in you with the problems in his marriage, his unhappiness in life, and that's when you knew whatever was going to happen with him was going to hurt you in the long run. You would confide in him too, with your dreams to travel, your hopes, and aspirations in life. He asked for your number soon, concealing his need to talk to you with the excuse that if there were ever an emergency, he would personally want to let you know that he wasn't coming. He would text you and call you whenever the nights became too lonely so far away from home, you relished in his late-night raspy voice, wishing it was so desperately next to you.

"It's late Aaron," you managed to whisper out, your own exhaustion peeking through your soft voice. Your bed felt especially lonely tonight as you two talked about whatever crossed your mind, it amazed you that you both always found something to talk about.

"I know love," his voice rasped out, "I just can't get enough of you."

Those were the type of comments that caused your heart to race out of your chest, with both excitement and a tinge of guilt. Guilt for falling for a married man, but when you thought of who he married, all the guilt left your mind.

"Then come to my room," you said before you could think about it, taking the implications of this phone call to be officially inappropriate. You could excuse everything else, pretend that it was just friendly conversation, but what you said was beyond that.

"Okay, I'll be there in five minutes," he said before abruptly hanging up. Any ounce of tiredness left your body at the sound of the phone call ending. You had to pinch yourself to make sure that what just happened was real, that it wasn't some crazy, sleep-induced hallucination.

Your body shot up from your hotel bed, rushing to go to the mirror. You looked at your messy hair and oversized pajamas with horror, you were so unprepared for him to agree to some meaningless flirty remark that you didn't even mean to make.

You did your best to comb your unruly hair, brushing your teeth just in case anything happened, which you secretly hoped that it would.

Your heart dropped to your stomach when you heard the fast pace knock on the door. Every square inch of your skin buzzing with excitement for what might come. You did your best to stop your hands from shaking as you opened the door, but you couldn't stop a small gasp from escaping your lips when you saw him standing there. His brown curls were unruly in the best way, and his blue eyes filled with an emotion you had never seen in them before.

smut starts here

"Hi," you spoke quietly, unable to look away from the masterpiece that he was. You opened the door to invite him to step in, fearing that anyone would see him come into your hotel room at 12:30 am. You knew the cast members spoke about the glances you gave each other, this would give them that much more of a reason to talk, to tell his wife what you two had been up to. You quickly shook the thought of repercussions out of your head, solely focusing your attention on him.

"Hey, love," he said, stepping in, a slight smirk finding itself on his face. He saw the heat rise on your cheeks, noticed how your breath picked up in pace after staring at him for a few moments, but most of all he noticed your nipples poking through the thin fabric of your shirt. He closed the door behind him as you looked up at him with your big, innocent, doe eyes. All he could think about were those eyes staring up at him as his cock was shoved in your mouth. He could not stop himself, his hand grazing your jaw, forcing you to look him in the eyes. His stare was intense, his blue eyes held a hunger in them.

"I'm surprised you came," you spoke, leaning into his electrifying touch. It wasn't till he pulled his hand away that you realized how much you liked it, how much you wanted his hands all over you.

"Don't be, I've been waiting for you to ask me for weeks," he said. Your thoughts raced; he wanted you just as much as you wanted him? It was unbelievable to you that he could want you in the same way. His face was slowly leaning down to yours, his nose nudging your own.

"Really?" You asked, your voice husky with something primal. His lips nudged yours, a soft gasp falling from your mouth as he backed you into the corner. His hands now tracing the curve of your waist, holding you merely inches from his body.

"Mhmm, thought I was about to have to beg for it," he whispered against your lips. You couldn't stand the teasing anymore; you connected your lips finally. All the late-night phone calls, all the innocent brushes, and all the not-so-innocent comments finally came to a head. The feeling of him pressing against you was like euphoria, his lips soft, but his kiss hard and needy. As soon as you pressed your lips into his, he pressed back and hard. Your hands left your side in a frenzy, all thoughts about his wife and kids leaving your head, lust being the only thing that remains. Your hands found his face, the rough stubble a stark contrast to your soft hands. His lips felt like home, warm, and inviting. His hands gripped your shirt tightly, bunching it up in a fist. The warmth of his body radiated against yours.

He pressed you against the wall, freeing his hands from your shirt, he lifted your leg and wrapped it around his hips. The stretch burned the muscle on your inner thighs, but you could not find it in you to care. You wanted him as close to you as possible, needed him to be close to you. You let out a gasp when you felt the outline of his cock against your folds, the size of it evident through his pants. His lips detached from yours, kissing his way down your jaw. The action sent tingles straight down your vagina, which was surely soaking at this point. You wouldn't be surprised if there were a wet spot on his boxers. His other hand grasped one of your breasts, hard, to the point it was almost painful, it should have been painful.

He began to suck on your neck lightly, hard enough to leave a light bruise. He was mumbling incoherently; you could only pick up bits and pieces of what he was saying.

"All mine," he said, lust deepening his voice, "want everyone to know." The words only heightened your excitement, even if they weren't true. Even if everyone couldn't know what you had, you couldn't find it in you to care at this moment. You only cared about him and what he was about to give you.

The sensation of his lips on your neck left you feeling restless, empty, only one thing could ease the burning in the pit of your stomach.

"Bed," you managed to mumble, "to-to the bed." Your voice begged, you sounded pitiful but you didn't care about that.

He lifted you up, carrying you to your bed. He put you down gently, his hips finding their home in between yours. He rutted into you, his cock rubbing against your clit despite the clothes. Your hands found their way to the hem of his shirt, seemingly on their own. You lifted it up, needing to be close to him. He pulled away from you for the first time since the kiss started, pulling his own shirt from his body. The sight of his torso was that of a Greek God, he was gorgeous.

"So pretty," the words fell from your lips before you could think about it. He laughed, which left you feeling embarrassed at what you said.

"I should be telling you that," he said, his fingers grazing your burning cheeks as you looked up to him. He leaned down to you again, his lips grazing your ear.

"I'm so hard for you," he groaned into your ear, "it aches." He grabbed your hand, letting it graze his cock. Your hands found the band of his sweatpants, pulling down the soft material to reveal his cock.

You gasped at the size, not expecting it to be so big. He laughed again at your reaction, but you were too focused on his size to begin to care about being embarrassed. You grasped it, slowly stroking his cock, your thumb grazing his sensitive tip. A gasp left his mouth as you smeared the pre-cum all over his cock. It was now your turn to laugh at his reaction, holding the power in your hands.

His hands found their way to the hem of your shirt now, lifting it over your head as your breasts bounced at freedom. You were now left in your small pajama shorts that left nothing to the imagination. You continued to stroke his cock and enjoyed watching him struggle to hold his composure. The veins in his neck flexed as you gripped his dick harder.

You leaned up closer to him, scattering light kisses all over his neck. You wanted to leave bruises like he did on you, but you knew you couldn't which only left a sour taste in your mouth.

"N-no more," he moaned out. Tearing your hands away from him, you feared that he didn't want to do this with you anymore. He stood up from the bed, his cock bouncing against his stomach as he did. He grasped your thin shorts and panties in his hands, tearing them away from your body quickly.

He stood there, staring at your completely naked body as you looked up at him. You crossed your legs and lightly held your breasts to try and hold onto some sort of modesty that was long gone. The burning of your cheeks only came back 5 times more intense now. His hungry stare seemed to crawl under your skin, leaving you clueless as to how you should feel.

He began to stroke his cock at the sight of you, a deep hunger on his face as he looked down at you.

"You think you could take me right now, y/n?" He asked, a sadistic hint behind the tone of his voice. You could feel the slickness between your folds, the agonizing lust that settled in the pit of your stomach. Without saying a word, you opened your legs to him, proving that you could. You brought your own hand down to your folds, beginning to circle your sensitive clit.

"Y-yes, Aaron," you moaned seductively. Your eyes shut tight at the intense feeling of your clit, your mind going blank from pleasure. It wasn't till you felt his presence above you, till he ripped his hands away from your clit, till he brought his lips to your fingers, licking the slick that was stuck to your fingers.

"So good," he moaned at the taste of you. His own hand now replacing where yours once was, circling your clit harshly.

"I think you could take me too," he said roughly grabbing his dick to slide in between your folds. The feeling of his hot cock against your smooth folds had you feeling insane. You jutted your hips against his in hopes that he would go where you wanted him to be.

"I want to take my time," he said softly, his hands grazing your body. It left you feeling mad at him for being so close, yet so far at the same time. You tried to move your hips once more, but he held them down. His cock sat in between your folds, not moving an inch as he admired you. He brought his lips down to your breast, sucking on your nipple. The sensation caused your hips to jut up, hips tip grazing your entrance. You whined out in need, need for him to be inside of you.

His lips on your breasts only caused you to need him more, need him inside of you.

"Please, please, please," you begged, not recognizing your own voice. You brought his head up to yours, attaching your lips to his, in hopes that he would listen to your plead. His tip was right at your entrance, and in his moment of weakness, you lifted your hips enough to where he sunk into you. You moaned at the feeling of him inside of you, ready for more. He pulled away from your lips, his forehead now resting against yours. He was trying so hard to control himself, to not hurt you.

You moaned in his ear; he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He plunged further inside of you with a determination you had never felt before. You had never been this full before. You gasped at the mixture of pain and pleasure.

"S-so tight," he stuttered out as his hips moved, plunging in and out of you. All semblance of control long forgotten the only thing he could think of was the home that he found in between your legs. "Squeezing me so good," he moaned out.

The feeling of him inside of you was something you had never felt, it was perfect like you were made to have him inside of you. His pace quickened, like something you had never felt before. Your hands scratched his back, not knowing what to do with the pressure that was building in the pit of your stomach.

"Aaron," you moaned loudly, going insane for the pleasure he was giving you. He was now kissing your neck and grasping at your breasts, the pleasure was intense and over-stimulating. You had never, ever felt anything like it before,

Your hands found their way in his hair, a need to grab and hold onto something.

"y/n," he rasped out, "God y/n. Should've done this sooner, never felt like this in my life." He was so obviously pussy drunk on you, and you couldn't help but be proud of the way you made him feel.

"'M gonna cum in you, fill ya up," he moaned out, his words being cut short. The intensity of his thrusts only building the bubble in the bottom of your stomach, his praise only sending you further into oblivion.

"Please," you begged, for what? You didn't know. You wrapped your legs around him, wanting him closer, needing him closer to you. His hand reached down in between where you two met, he began playing with your clit. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the pleasure he was giving you.

"Aaron, Aaron, Aaron," you chanted his name in praise of him. No one had ever made you feel this good, ever.

"Cum for me darling, squeeze me," he demanded, his quick pace matching his fingers. Your arousal was seeping onto the covers, a squelching noise coming from where you two were colliding.

You finished with spasms, the bubble in the bottom of your abdomen popping finally. You milked him, wanting him to find his own release too. Your body was limp in a daze as he held your hips up, still fucking into you. Your body was weak and sore from the power of his thrusts, your mind hazy with a finish like you had never had before.

"Finish in me," you moaned out at the sensitivity you were feeling, "please daddy," you begged without thinking of what you were saying, if he would even like it.

His pace picked up even more, if it was possible, letting out grunts and groans of effort as he used your body in the best possible way. You could beg for this feeling every day for the rest of your life,

He finished, thrusting into you, hard. You could've sworn he hit your cervix, pressing right up against it as he finished, both of you worn out by your orgasms.

"Did so good for me darling," he said, waking you up from your light sleep. "Gotta clean you up now."

He slowly withdrew from you, a whine and groan leaving your mouth from the soreness that was already forming. It was only now, with your head clear that you realized what you had done. You slept with a married man, albeit an unhappy one, but he was married nonetheless.

Your whole demeanor had changed, but you didn't want Aaron to see the regret on your face. There was no regret in doing what you had done, but rather, you had fallen in love with him and there was nothing you could do about it now.

taglist:

@kittenlittle24 @dellahalewrites @nananananannerman @psychedelic-70s @vampiregirl444 @chaoticdefendortree @butlersbabe @domaniquessidehoe @pumpkin3-1415 @softmullett @justjacesstuff @defintelynotbreathing @whatstruthgottodowithit @jetva @lunarlovingdreamer @bobbykennedyfan @datsavageavenger @anbanananna @in-love-with-will-byers @bamitzzsam @butlersluvbot @cb97slut @lizzylynch1 @yuxixuu @unmaskthewriter @madsb2300 @yenbennie @stitched-mouth @creativewriter2002 @paigemillz @noparcha @ilovesteveharrington @allierw @girlwholikesghosts @alligator-person @re3kin @fifty.shades.of.H @ur.angle000 @theliterarybeldam @blondemoments4l @babywhoresnop @kairoclerosis @peachyjaeminn @sparklehanii @bubblessugar28 @nini-2009 @worldmadeofmemories @seaweed-orchid @austinbutler17 @everythingisspokenfor @girlblogger2002 @lukanasky @prettyboyswow @gemstone9 @eddiemunsonsgffff @sunsetfreedom05 @cchl @butlerfilmz @yogotti11 @emersxn99 @hot-and-confused @thedepressedhippie @mr-aurum @slutforblueeyes @adoreyouusugar r @styles-canvas @hails-schae @claudia-aa @tubble-wubble @butlerfilmz @lilycherries123

#aaron taylor johnson #aaron taylor johnson smut #Aaron taylor-johnson blurb #smut #imagine #dirty imagine #fluff #imagine smut fluff #tangerine #lemon and tangerine #bullet train movie #lemon bullet train #bullet train tangerine #bullet train #bullet train 2022 #bullet train lemon #tangerine smut

[francis-writes]

Being in polyamorous relationship with Feyd and Rabban HCs with GN!reader

( specifically in a vee type of relationship so you're with both of them but there's no incest)

SFW

I know I said before that they wouldn’t share you, at least with each other but hey, a girl (gender neutral) can dream! And ending up with them both isn't so impossible.

It's easier to start if you're with Feyd-Rautha first, or if you're free and still trying to choose. Feyd is more confident so it's less risky in his eyes to share you. Though he's possesive, well, however that sounds, he sees this as a way to show his superiority over Rabban. Like yeah, you choose Feyd first and Rabban wouldn’t be able to have you if Feyd didn't mercifully agree for that. Rabban isn't very happy with this idea and games of his brother but he accepts it as the only way to be with you. The other way around, it would be much harder to convice Rabban for a polyam relationship because he doesn't want to give away everything to his brother and he would be afraid that you would leave him eventually. But there's also another reason that motivates them both to agree on sharing you: threesomes. But NSFW part will be later.

If you agree on this relationship, you have an important duty and that's bringing balance and stability between them. Watching shit go down is funny once in awhile but it's better if you're boyfriends don't have a constant war with each other.

You usually spend your time with only one brother at once, not just because they like to have your full attention but also all of you have own duties. But every now and then you make sure to spend time all three together.

For longer time, it's not official. Giedi Prime might be famous as planet of debauchery but it's only in some ways: you can have as much concubines as you want, especially when you're rich, but having a stable relationship with two men is still taboo. The other matter is fact that Baron still considers gaining power through getting his nephews into political marriage.

Speaking of the Baron... I mentioned in other post that he would enjoy if brothers competed for your affection because he could use that conflict for his own goals. Happy stable relationship isn't useful to him at all. Even if you have some higher position there's still two problems: 1. Why waste two nephews on one political marriage. Not stonks 2. Happy stable relationship is a threat to his power. Nephews may listen to him less. Rabban may gain self-esteem. That's a big risk. But well, you're still safe as much as you can be. Brothers protect you and they had a talk with their uncle to ensure some rules and your status.

Your relationship isn't official and known to most people, commoners, other Houses and even some local nobles. You don't accompany brothers during public events and even if you're there, you keep your distance and have believable excuse for your presence. Only their inner circle knows about what's between you three. You can be more open about it during dinners together, though when there's Baron Harkonnen present, you can sense he's not very happy about any sign of affection. But who knows, maybe one day he will start appreciating you.

Still on sfw note, when you're all in one place, you usually share a bed. Unless you're not very cuddly and each one sleeps in separate bed to have enough space.

In a scenario where they all survived events of Dune and remained in positions of power, when there's no one stopping them, they would eagerly marry you if you wanted (by no one I mean their uncle; Bene Gesserit and many other Houses thinks that it's a scandal but uhmm Harkonnens don't give a shit abt that). Any previous conflicts and fight for dominance would be put aside. They want to show that you're equally married to one of them, not just are a spouse of one and lover of the other. Desire to show the middle finger to social expectations is even stronger than any their competition.

NSFW

Of course, I know I couldn't skip that part. I know you waited for it. So yeah, now you can finally read about threesomes, the reasons you got into this post.

I'll skip the moments when you are just with one of the brothers because there are many other posts about it. The only thing I can add in that matter is that for some time they considered making a schedule to make sure that you don't spend too much time with one of them but eventually you gave up on this idea.

Question is, isn't it awkward for them to share you? Wouldn't they feel weird while spitroasting you - lets say, you suck off Rabban, he looks up and looks in the face of his brother while Feyd fucks you from behind. Isn't it unfomfortable even for them? The answer is no. At the beginning they may have some doubts, but lust quickly wins with other feelings and they never mind it again. Despite all the conflicts between them, they know each other well enough to not feel embarrassed while naked around each other. Also they are kinky enough to uphold the reputation of House Harkonnen loving pleasure and perversy. They would rather high five each other over your back than feel awkward (it's just a metaphor. Unless... jk)

Dynamics change everytime, especially if you're a switch. As I mentioned before, Feyd is dom leaning switch and Rabban is sub leaning switch but that doesn't stop them from ocassionaly dominating you together. Or sometimes you dom one of them while other doms you. Or you dom them both. Or you dom one of them and the other helps, well, not sexually but for example he says something to help you humiliate your sub (I'm not pointing fingers). You get the point.

Sometimes you fuck just one of them but you're not completely alone and the other brother just sits next to you and either minds his bussiness or just observes you while being kinda turned on and kinda supportive.

You: Feyd, I am sorry but do you have to keep staring?

Feyd: *shows thubs up* i just admire your strength. Go on. Ride him like Fremen rides a sandworm.

You and Rabban: ;_;

#feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha #feyd rautha imagine #feyd x reader #feyd rautha harkonnen #glossu rabban x reader #rabban harkonnen #beast rabban #beast rabban x reader #feyd rautha x reader x rabban #dune imagine #house harkonnen #no one can stop me

[axlerica]

JEALOUSY~

-The One Where Pedri Is Jealous As Y/N Befriends A Real Madrid Footballer-

Pedri approached Y/N with an excited grin, holding two invitations to an exclusive party. "Y/N, you've got to come with me to this party! It's going to be amazing, and Gavi will be there too. It'll be so much fun, I promise."

Y/N hesitated, "I don't know, Pedri. I'm just an ordinary person, and I don't think I'll fit in with all those famous footballers and models."

Pedri smiled reassuringly, "You're not just any ordinary person, Y/N. You're my friend, and that's what matters. Besides, Gavi and I will be there, so you won't be alone. Come on, give it a chance."

After some more persuasion, Y/N finally agreed to attend the party with Pedri. As they entered the glitzy venue, Y/N's nerves started to subside, knowing she had Pedri and Gavi by her side.

At the party, Y/N noticed a tall, handsome footballer with an air of confidence. It was Jude Bellingham, a player from Real Madrid, Pedri's rival team. He approached Y/N with a warm smile, "Hey there, I don't think we've met before. I'm Jude."

Y/N introduced herself and explained, "I'm just a friend of Pedri and Gavi, not a footballer or a model like everyone else here."

Jude chuckled, "Well, that's refreshing! Don't worry about it; I'm glad to meet someone different for a change. So, how do you know Pedri and Gavi?"

Y/N shared stories of their adventures together, and soon enough, they were both laughing and chatting away like old friends.

Meanwhile, Pedri watched from a distance, feeling a twinge of jealousy. He couldn't help but feel protective of Y/N, especially when she seemed to be having such a good time with Jude. Determined to show Y/N a good time himself, he decided to step in and suggested, "Hey, Y/N, it's getting late. How about we head home?"

Jude was polite and didn't want to intrude, but he couldn't resist asking, "Would you mind if I get your number? We can hangout maybe? I'd love to take you out for brunch or dinner sometime."

Y/N was flattered, and after a moment's consideration, she handed Jude her number. "Sure, that sounds nice."

As they walked toward Pedri's car, he couldn't help but ask Y/N curiously, "So, what were you and Jude talking about?"

Y/N smiled, "We were just getting to know each other, Pedri. He's a nice guy, and he made me feel comfortable despite all the glitz and glamour."

Pedri tried to hide his jealousy but couldn't completely suppress it. He reminded himself that he trusted Y/N and that their friendship was strong. However, deep down, he couldn't shake the slight feeling of rivalry with Jude.

In the following days, Y/N and Jude did go out for brunch, and they had a great time. Y/N still cherished her friendship with Pedri, and they spent more time together, reaffirming their bond.

As the days passed, Pedri couldn't shake off the jealousy and worry he felt about Y/N's growing friendship with Jude, who played for Real Madrid, Pedri's rival club. He tried to keep his emotions hidden, but one evening, unable to contain himself any longer, he decided to confront Y/N about it.

They were sitting together at a café, sipping on their drinks when Pedri hesitated for a moment before speaking up, "Y/N, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Y/N looked at him with concern, sensing the seriousness in his voice. "Sure, Pedri. What's on your mind?"

Pedri took a deep breath, "It's about Jude, Y/N. I've noticed you two getting closer, and, well, I can't help but feel uneasy about it."

Y/N furrowed her brow, "Pedri, he's just a friend. We're getting to know each other, and it's not like he's a bad person just because he plays for Real Madrid."

"I know, I know," Pedri replied, trying to choose his words carefully. "But you know how much Barcelona and Real Madrid are rivals on the field. It's not just a simple football rivalry; it's deeply ingrained in the club's history."

Y/N's frustration started to build, and she felt the need to assert her independence. "Pedri, I appreciate your concern, but it's not fair for you to control who I can or can't be friends with. I value our friendship, but that doesn't mean I have to cut people out of my life just because they are associated with a rival club."

Pedri looked taken aback by her response, "I'm not trying to control you, Y/N. I'm just worried about our friendship and how it might be affected."

Y/N shook her head, "It feels like you're trying to dictate who I can spend time with. Jude is a nice person, and I enjoy his company. Our friendship doesn't diminish my friendship with you or my support for Barcelona. You should trust me to make my own decisions about who I befriend."

As the conversation continued, Pedri's insecurities got the best of him, and he couldn't help but blurt out, "You know, Y/N, sometimes I feel like you like Jude more than you like me."

Pedri stood up abruptly, unable to contain his emotions any longer. He muttered, "I need some time to think," and left the restaurant, leaving Y/N speechless.

Y/N sat there for a moment, feeling a mix of emotions - worried about Pedri, frustrated by the situation, and saddened by the sudden turn of events. She wanted to give Pedri space but also wanted to resolve their issues.

Over the next few days, Y/N tried reaching out to Pedri, but he remained distant. She realized she had to give him the time he needed to process his feelings.

Finally, after a week, Pedri called Y/N and asked to meet. They sat down at a park, and Pedri spoke honestly, "I'm sorry for how I reacted, Y/N. I let my jealousy and insecurity get the best of me. I realize that you can have other friends without it affecting our friendship."

Y/N smiled, relieved that Pedri was willing to address their concerns. "It's okay, Pedri. We all have our moments of insecurity. I'm glad we can talk about it and understand each other better."

Pedri nodded, "I trust you, Y/N. I won't let my jealousy get in the way anymore. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I don't want to jeopardize it."

——————————————-

As the match between Barcelona and Real Madrid unfolded, it became evident that Real Madrid was in top form. Jude Bellingham's exceptional skills were on full display as he scored a magnificent hattrick, leading Real Madrid to a convincing 3-0 victory over Barcelona. The stadium erupted with cheers, and the fans were left in awe of Jude's extraordinary performance.

After the final whistle, Y/N made her way to the pitch to congratulate Jude. She wanted to be a good sport and show her support for her friend's remarkable achievement. Jude greeted her with a wide smile, clearly proud of his accomplishment.

"Congratulations, Jude! That was an outstanding performance!" Y/N said, genuinely happy for her friend.

Jude beamed, "Thanks, Y/N! It feels amazing to contribute to the team's victory."

They shared a brief but heartfelt hug, celebrating Jude's success. However, unbeknownst to them, Pedri was watching from the sidelines, his emotions swirling inside him once again. Seeing Y/N hug Jude and congratulate him triggered a sense of jealousy and hurt in Pedri's heart.

Pedri couldn't contain his emotions any longer. He stormed over to Y/N and Jude, his face red with anger. "What the hell is going on here? Y/N, why are you hugging him and congratulating him? He's our rival!"

Y/N was taken aback by Pedri's outburst, "Pedri, calm down. He's my friend too, and it was just a congratulatory hug."

Pedri's anger flared, "Friend or not, he's from Real Madrid! I can't believe you would do this to me, Y/N!"

Y/N tried to reason with him, "Pedri, you're my friend, and I care about you. But I can't ignore my friendships with others just because of football rivalry. It doesn't mean I don't value our friendship."

Pedri was too upset to listen, "I can't believe you would choose him over me, Y/N. Maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore if you can't see how much this hurts me."

Y/N's eyes welled up with tears, hurt by Pedri's harsh words. "Pedri, don't say that. I never meant to hurt you, but I can't let football rivalry dictate my friendships."

Pedri turned away, not wanting to hear any more. He walked off, leaving Y/N standing there, feeling devastated and heartbroken by the fight.

Y/N apologized to Jude for Pedri’s behaviour and rushed to the locker room found Pedri sitting alone, his head in his hands, visibly devastated by the 3-0 loss. She approached him gently, feeling a deep sense of empathy for her friend.

"Pedri," Y/N said softly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's just one bad match. It doesn't define you as a player. You're one of the best footballers out there, and I know you'll bounce back stronger in the next game."

Pedri looked up, his eyes filled with sadness. "I feel like I let everyone down. The team, the fans... I just couldn't perform. Plus, seeing you congratulate Jude hurts me.

Y/N sat down beside him, offering a reassuring smile. "Pedri, you're human, and everyone has off days. Your talent and dedication have brought you this far, and I have no doubt you'll continue to shine in the future."

Pedri sighed, "I know, but it's hard not to feel defeated right now."

Y/N nodded, understanding his frustration. "It's okay to feel that way. Allow yourself to process your emotions, but remember that this doesn't define your entire career. You've achieved so much already, and there's still so much more ahead of you."

Pedri looked into Y/N's eyes, appreciating her unwavering support. "Thank you, Y/N. Your belief in me means a lot. I’m sorry for the way I acted just now. It was childish.”

Y/N smiled warmly, "It’s okay, I understand. I just want you to know that I'll always believe in you, Pedri. You're not alone in this journey. We're all here to support you, through the highs and the lows."

In the following days, Y/N stayed by Pedri's side, offering encouragement and motivation. She reminded him of his incredible talent, his achievements on the field, and the admiration he had earned from fans all around the world.

————————————————

As the next match approached, Pedri started to regain his confidence. Y/N made sure to attend the game, holding up a banner with Pedri's name, cheering him on loudly from the stands.

During the match, Pedri's determination and skills were on full display. He made decisive plays, setting up goals for his teammates and making crucial interceptions. The team emerged victorious, and Pedri's performance earned him accolades from fans and teammates alike.

After the match, Y/N rushed down to the field to congratulate Pedri with a big hug. "See, I told you! You were amazing out there!" she said, beaming with pride.

Pedri's face lit up with joy, "Thank you, Y/N. Your belief in me truly made a difference. I couldn't have done it without you."

From that day on, Pedri found strength in Y/N's unwavering support and encouragement. He knew that even in the face of defeat, he had a friend who believed in him, and that meant the world to him.

Their friendship continued to grow, and together, they faced the challenges and victories that came their way. Pedri's career continued to soar, and Y/N remained his biggest cheerleader, reminding him that he was more than just a footballer – he was an inspiration and a friend who touched the lives of many.

#pedri gonzalez #pedrito #pedri x you #pedri x y/n #football #imagine footballer #pedri angst #pedri imagine #pedri fanfic #pedri x reader #fc barcelona #real madrid #jude bellingham #jude x reader #pedri

[sehodreams]

sex money feelings die - third visit

second visit ↬ third visit ↬ fourth visit

WC: 2.9k

TW and Tags (permanent for the story): rich client!Anton x stripper!reader, smut, fluff (?), a touch of angst for the moment, inexperienced reader, fingering, kissing, lots of silly conversations.

Summary: Working at a night club was difficult in many aspects, your sleep schedule was messed up for life, your feet were more used to high heels than sneakers and you had to lie about where you went to work those nights. Still, even with all those cons, you didn't hate your job, you had more than enough to pay your bills, feed your brother and save money for his college. However, what happens when your boss makes you do the one thing you asked to never do.

Fridays were, except for Saturday, the busiest day of the week, you had two shows and then gave private dances until you had no energy to wake up the next day.

You were choosing your outfit for the day when Shotaro called you apart.

‘’You’re booked for the night’’ he said and left. You didn’t need to hear more, Anton would arrive in a couple of hours, and you’d keep him company all night, it was what you expected, but you didn’t know how you would right there.

You weren’t sure how you would feel being next to him in front of his friends, of course you knew he wouldn’t do anything in front of them, he’s always been respectful even when you didn’t have… whatever you had.

‘’It seems there’s a birthday today’’ Sungchan, standing in the door frame, said to everyone. ‘’The VIP room is being fully decorated’’.

Your heart started to bump, would it be his birthday? Impossible, Shotaro would’ve told you if that was the case.

All the girls cheered up, birthday meant a heavy flow of cash towards them, all the guests would ask for private dances and would choose who to give insane amounts of money, and considering that it was the VIP room, Anton’s friends would make their whole week.

Your show was cancelled, the most popular girls of course had to stay and entertain the special group until they blew up their last cent, and soon you found yourself walking into the room with four other girls.

Anton was there when you arrived, smiling to you like always, and you were about to go to him when one of his friends stopped you.

‘’Could you stay with me? I’m the birthday boy’’ he said blinding you with his perfect smile. He was wearing a little plastic crown and was the only one under a couple of big golden ballons that clearly stated that he was 23, one year younger than you and you started to think, would Anton be the same age?

He was a cute guy, all of Anton’s friends were, but none of them called your attention like he did even before you had started to get to know each other. You knew they were all excentric guys, kind enough to treat well the girls, a kindness that their money and status permit them to have, but somehow never authentic enough for you like his.

‘’Oh, I’m-‘’ you didn’t know what to say, your eyes searched for Anton’s but he had a blank expression instead of his usual smile.

You gave him enough time to talk, but unlike before, he didn’t talk for you, so you frowned. This wasn’t what you expected for the night.

He didn’t say anything to his friend, he didn’t even call for you to scape, so after a couple of uncomfortable seconds making the boy wait, you nodded to his friend, sitting next to him and showing him your staged confidence.

‘’Happy birthday’’ you congratulated him while passing your hand from his shoulder to his hand.

‘’Thank you, I’ve been dying to see you since the last time you danced for us, why are you always so busy?’’

‘’You know, first come first served, sadly I’m so busy I don’t have the time to wait for anyone’’, you don’t know why you said the last part, but you said it loud enough for Anton to hear it, who, next to one of your pretty coworkers, his usual favorite girl that always wore light colors, distracting himself opening the bottle of champagne he had promised you, went stiff.

The music started to play from both sides of the room and a couple of them started to ask for dances.

The birthday boy didn’t ask you for one, but you felt the need of giving him one. For his birthday, you thought, but you weren’t so sure it was just that.

Surprising everyone, including your coworkers, you walked up the little pole with decision, you didn’t use it that much while giving personal shows, but tonight it felt like necessary. The music was slow, almost like a warmup, but you used it as if it was the most sexual song you ever heard.

Watching all of them look at you with expectations, you opened your robe, revealing the new set you had bought not long ago.

From Tuesday to Thursday, you couldn’t stop remembering his words, and just like he had asked you, you thought about yourself and bought a new set you had been wanting for weeks. You convinced yourself to spend that money because you would work with it, and it wasn’t something you usually used, it wasn’t black, blue or grey, but you wanted to gift yourself something new, I deserve it, you thought, so the emerald corset that you would’ve never dared to wear before was now hugging your chest and making you more curvy than never, pushing your chest until they slightly spilled out of it and making your waist smaller.

However, instead of showing it off to who you had waited for all those days, you did it to a boy you couldn’t even recall his name.

‘’Happy birthday’’ you repeated for the boy, with your best seller smile.

You moved along with the song, letting your body flow with it like your conversations with Anton, you caressed the pole and showed as much as you should to everyone in the room.

You slid your chest against the cold metal until you were bended, so everyone could appreciate how long your legs were and the curvature of your ass covered by the little piece of underwear, and how good your skin looked with the dark stockings and the green details.

It wasn’t anything out of the usual for you, you had danced for that exact same group before, you could recognize their faces, but there was a fire inside you that pushed you to be even dirtier than normal, wanting to take off your undergarments immediately to silently tell him, you’re not the only one.

You walked to the birthday boy and loosed the grip of your corset, showing him your back so he could take the satin tape off by himself, letting him open it like his own gift.

You were contemplating if to let him touch you a bit or not when Anton pulled you out of the room by the hand before the boy could even finish, letting everyone shocked inside.

When you got out Sungchan almost stopped him, but Shotaro, who was just passing, stopped him with a glance, allowing Anton to take you to the next room. Sungchan looked at you with worried eyes and you smiled to calm him down before Anton closed the door.

‘’What are you doing?’’ He asked you with a higher tone than usual.

‘’I was in the middle of a dance if you didn’t notice, and that means, I was working’’ you spat in the same tone.

His eyes got darker with your tone, of course the pretty boy had never discussed about not getting his way before, because you could feel the heat coming out from him with every second that passed. ‘’No, you were supposed to be with me the whole time, I paid your boss to have you right by my side, I paid you to entertain me, not him.’’

‘’Yeah, I thought so too, but you didn’t even stop the birthday boy, your friend, so what was I supposed to do?’’

 ‘’Maybe just say no and come to me, is that so difficult?’’

‘’You have no idea how much, you may not know how this is, but I don’t have the privilege of saying no while working. The minute I walk into that room I’m supposed to entertain anyone who asks for it if I don’t want to lose my job, and you could, but you didn’t call me, he did’’ your eyes started to blurry with fury, blinking fast to not let yourself tear up.

He saw that, he saw you trying to be strong, and when you said that he felt so wrong, because he knew the situation could’ve been avoided if he had talked before to his friends.

Your arms were crossed and you didn’t meet his eyes. He saw your chest moving up and down, still angry with him, and bad things went through his mind, like just leaving and going to the girl that was already by his side, or just leaving the whole place, but how could he leave you just like that? He had such a weak spot for you that, after sighing and passing his hand over his face to recollect himself, his other hand, even with the possibility of you plainly rejecting him, searched for yours.

You gave it to him, your frown softening, and he kissed the palm of your hand thankful of you giving it to him. ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’For everything, you’re right, I should’ve stopped him, you were just doing your job, I’m the one who should’ve said something.’’

Your lip quivered and you sniffed. ‘’Then why didn’t you just do it?’’

‘’I don’t know, I was so anxious waiting to see you, when you crossed that door I couldn’t concentrate on anything that wasn’t you and how pretty you looked smiling to me, I never thought he would call you.’’

‘’Well, for your information, I’m pretty popular around here’’ you said with a small grin.

‘’Oh, that I know’’ he smiled when he saw you relax to him.

He continued kissing your knuckles and, when he didn’t have any finger left to kiss, interlocked his hand with yours, pulling you to him to then wrap you with his arms. It was warm, the heat of the discussion replaced with the heat of intimacy, an unknown sensation for you, never hugged like that for a man before, making you feel shy against his chest. Hiding your face on his neck, after inhaling the cologne you perfectly knew at that point, you felt his hands playing with the undone lace of your corset his friend was about to take off.

‘’I thought about what you said’’ you admitted. ‘’I bought a gift for me.’’

He chuckled next to your ear. ‘’So you did think about me these days.’’

‘’Maybe’’ your hands gripped his shirt, ‘’you said you like green, I mean, it’s not white, your favorite color, but I prefer green.’’

His eyes closed hard taking in what you just said, you remembered what he told you, and you did think about him, you didn’t plainly say it, but he could feel how much you had thought his words. He denied with his head, ‘’I love green.’’

You smiled.

His hand followed the trail of your back until he found the small of it. He wanted to move his hands further, but he didn’t know how you would react. Everything with you was so unsure, doubting if to gamble or not into the situation, he was too hesitant to ask for more.

Both hands gripped on each side of your waist, and appreciating how much of you he could hold, his mouth left a soft kiss over your ear, making you jolt with the shiver it sent.

‘’Can I kiss you?’’ he murmured the only thing he thought you would permit.

You gulped, the room had the lights on and he could perfectly see you, you had no way of hiding how nervous you were, and besides, with him you had no way of acting anymore.

Your ears were red again and, moving one of his hands from your waist to your face, holding your cheek and making you face him, eyes up to him, he pulled your mouth to his, because if you hadn’t refused him until then, you just wouldn’t. After days of talking to you he realized you may not be able to say no to others, but with him you had the freedom of speaking your mind, and you knew that, if you refused him, he would stop.

A whimper almost scaped your lips, his mouth was so soft against yours, like nothing you had felt before.

Well, not that you had kissed many guys before, one in high school prom and the other was the one you gave your virginity to, an asshole that after fucking you never called you again.

Still, it felt surreal.

So, this is how it’s supposed to feel, you thought.

His mouth first left quick pecks, a delicate touch of both mouths almost too chaste for you to feel deserving of it, but then he felt more comfortable, and after grabbing the back of your neck, he pushed his mouth against yours, making you open your mouth to interlock your lips with his and teach you how to properly kiss.

His lips worked yours with experience, something you didn’t have at all. You wanted to think your movements, but he was so overwhelming, his whole presence was too much for you, making you dizzy with the feverish sensation that creeped your cheeks while one of his hands kept playing with your corset.

You gulped when he gave you a second to breathe.

He had noticed you didn’t know what to do, so he did his best to guide you, but even he was getting dizzy with the way your mouth accepted him with clumsiness but yearning.

How it was possible for you to apparent all that confidence and knowledge when you couldn’t even follow an innocent kiss? He died to find out, it wouldn’t be in that moment, but some day he hoped.

His mouth went back to you and stole your breath with every minute against yours.

Not much after, when his hand pressed the side of your rib, close to your chest but still not that bold, your mouth opened to leave a soft moan, and he took advantage of that to push his tongue inside.

You whimpered loudly, making his member wake inside his pants.

The room was so fucking hot he felt his turtleneck making him sweat and he wanted to push his hips with yours so close to grin and find some satisfaction that eased the pain, but he contained himself and, to not pull you closer, he pushed your hips way from him instead, to not let you feel his hard on. Your mouth was pretty much locked with his, but he felt like he’d scare you with his boner if you couldn’t even deal with a kiss.

He laughed in the middle of it, you always made him enjoy your company so much, he couldn’t believe he was thinking how to not make you uncomfortable with his erection when you were in front of him revealing your body with one of your skimpy outfits you had to wear at work, he was sure you had seen enough boners at that point of your career, so how would his be any different that made him too shy to display?

You whimpered when his tongue pressed harder against yours and he knew he was fucked, because how could any man resist you? He wanted to hear more, a lot more, he wanted to kiss you for hours until his cock leaked untouched, he didn’t need your touch to feel good, just your mouth touching his was enough.

He had no way of stopping you when you started to push him to the couch behind. His calf touched it and his whole body fell sitting over it, waiting for you to straddle his lap and let him feel your weight over him like the first time he called for your company, hoping to feel the same movements over him but now with your mouth over him and desire instead of disgust.

You couldn’t even sit when the door opened and you jumped away from him.

‘’Time’s up’’ Sungchan said.

You gulped and hid Anton with your body, not letting Sungchan see how his mouth had rests of your lipgloss all around.

You suddenly felt like a girl hiding her boyfriend from her dad, and Anton had a grin on his face because he felt the same, as if the dad of his girlfriend was about to kick his ass for stealing his little girl’s innocence when, in reality, he was a client in an establishment only for adults.

‘’We’ll be out in a second’’ you said with an exhale, making him lift an eyebrow, and after a long second, nod and close the door.

When Sungchan left you turned back to Anton with lingering dizziness between you two, you wanted to continue but at the same time thought it was the best that Sungchan had stopped you. You were about to rut yourself against his dick like the first time you entered the VIP room alone with him, and that time you didn’t want to, so it was easy to stop, but now? You weren’t sure anything, or anyone, could stop you.

‘’I should go an apologize to my friend’’ Anton said after catching his breath and looking up to you with drowsy eyes. His hand slid behind you and helped you tie you corset again.

‘’And I should go with you, after all, I’m your company for the night’’ you quickly answered, swiping a finger over his lips to clean the remaining makeup you had left.

‘’You’re right, you’re always right.’’

You sat over his lap the whole night while he whispered praises to your ear, making you smile and ignore everyone’s curious eyes.

second visit ↬ third visit ↬ fourth visit

#riize x reader #riize smut #anton x reader #anton smut #riize imagines #riize fluff

[starchaserdreams]

Hiking (Jegulus One Shot)

Regulus hated hiking. He hated it with every fibre of his being. But Barty had begged him, and called in the favor that Regulus had owed him for months. Since he was willing to give that up, to no longer have it looming over Regulus ominously, Regulus had to say yes.

But even knowing that this was a favor, he still hated it. He did not like nature or the outdoors. He hated bugs and heat. He hated that the path was muddy and his shoes were wet. He hated that his hair was sweaty and probably a mess. Hiking was a miserable experience in every way.

Except, well, the views weren't too bad on this hike. Namely, the guy around their age who was solo hiking. He was just ahead of them on the trail, so they'd run into each other at a number of overlooks and waterfalls. He'd leave to head to the next one, and they'd see him again when they arrived there.

"He's kinda fine," Barty said after the first time they saw him.

The guy had just left. He was a little sweaty from the hike, and his maroon shirt had been clinging to his chest. It had been impossible not to notice that he had a nice body. His hair had been a little wild, sticking up at all angles, but it was an endearing look.

"Shut up, you don't even like men," Regulus said under his breath, praying Barty didn't raise his voice enough for it to carry.

"No," Barty agreed, "but you do." 

Barty didn't push it any more than that. They took in the views and then moved on.

When they arrived at the next stopping point, a very tall waterfall, Barty struck up a conversation. Regulus was ready to murder him.

"It's beautiful, right?" Barty asked.

Regulus hadn't even noticed him approaching the other guy. He'd been closer to the water than they were so when he heard Barty's voice and turned to face him, he saw that they were both staring in his direction.

"Sure is," the guy agreed.

He grinned at Regulus. Regulus walked over to them just to make sure he could run interference if Barty said anything regrettable.

"I'm James," the guy - James - said. He held out a hand to Barty, who shook.

"I'm Barty," Barty said cheerfully.

"And you?" James asked, running back to Regulus.

"Regulus," Regulus replied. He shook James' hand. It was a firm, confident handshake. Everything about James exuded confidence.

"Nice to meet you Barty and Regulus," James said. "I'm on my way to the next one, maybe I'll see you there." 

He actually winked, before heading back to the trail.

"He is exactly your type," Barty mused once he was out of earshot.

Regulus slapped a hand across his own face.

"How on Earth could you know that," he asked, "when you have never known anyone I've dated?"

Barty shook his head, grinning as he did so.

"Your face says it all, mate."

They made their way to the next waterfall, where sure enough James was already sitting, taking it in.

This time, when James approached them, Barty conveniently made his way over to a rock formation before he could strike up a conversation.

"Big fan of hiking?" James asked, "have you done this one before?"

Regulus snorted.

"No. Absolutely not. I would never choose to hike on purpose."

"But you're here," James observed, "what convinced you this time?" 

Regulus pointed at Barty.

"He wanted me to come. Didn't really give me much choice in the matter."

"Oh," James said, sounding rather sad. "I'm sorry you didn't get to do what you wanted."

His eyes were on the waterfall in front of them. Regulus suddenly felt bad. He didn't mean to disrespect what was obviously James' hobby. 

"It's alright," Regulus lied. He searched for something positive to say. "The waterfall is pretty."

James grinned widely at him. It was one of those overly bright smiles that Regulus usually hated, the kind of thing that could light up a room all by itself. He usually thought it looked performative and over the top, but this, this was a work of art. 

Barty was right. This was exactly his type.

They chatted for a few more minutes about the waterfall before James went on his way again.

"That looked cozy," was the first thing Barty said when he was gone.

Regulus' eyes narrowed. 

"And whose fault is that? You're the one who walked away!"

Barty nodded sagely. 

"Yes, I did great, didn't I?"

Their next stop worked much the same way. James chatted with Regulus for a bit while Barty looked around, before James made his way up the trail again. 

It wasn't until they reached the waterfall that the hike had been named for, the biggest attraction, that Barty made his move. 

"Well, I think that's it for me for today," he said, just before they made the turn off for the waterfall. "I'm going to apparate back home. You should stay though." He grinned slyly. "Wouldn't want to miss the chance to say goodbye to James."

"Barty!" Regulus hissed. His eyes found the pathway to the waterfall. Barty was right that he didn't want to leave yet. "You can't just apparate home, he might be a muggle! Muggles can't just disappear on a trail!"

Barty shrugged, entirely unbothered. 

"Just tell him I went ahead, I'm sure he won't mind."

He gave a cheeky salute, and before Regulus could argue, he was gone with a little popping sound. 

Regulus was really going to kill him this time. 

Still, he made his way towards the waterfall. He couldn't miss it.

As expected, James was sitting waiting for him. He grinned when he saw Regulus, then faltered. 

"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked. 

Regulus' eyes widened. 

"He's not my boyfriend," he blurted out unceremoniously, "just a friend."

"Oh!" James said, sounding pleased. "I thought he was your boyfriend, and I was mad on your behalf that he ignored you every stop."

Regulus shook his head. For the first time, he took his eyes off James and took in the scenery. This waterfall was at least twice as tall as the other ones they'd seen. It was actually very impressive, not that he would have admitted it to Barty. He'd never seen anything quite this majestic before. The rushing of the water was powerful, and when it splashed into the pool below, the water droplets sparkled in the sunlight.

"He is definitely not my boyfriend," Regulus said in response. 

"Just a friend?" James asked. He fell in next to Regulus and faced the water too.

"Yes," Regulus said firmly. 

"But he just left you here alone?"

"Yes," Regulus repeated, this time through gritted teeth.

"What'd he do, apparate out?"

Regulus turned to him with wide eyes before nodding.

"How'd you know?" he asked, "we weren't sure about you."

"You just have that look about you," James said with a shrug.

Regulus had no idea what that meant, but he didn't doubt that it was true. He wasn't very attuned to the muggle world.

"But it was pretty rude of him to just leave you alone," James went on. He seemed impassioned on Regulus' behalf. It felt a little unfair, since Barty hadn't done it to be mean.

"He thought he was doing me a favor," Regulus said, somewhat bitterly. 

"Ohhhhh," James said, sounding pleased. Regulus hadn't expected that he would understand what he meant, but he obviously had. "You wanted to be alone with me then?"

Regulus turned to him, eyes wide, but didn't say anything. James was undeterred.

"Because I wanted to be alone with you too."

"Oh," Regulus said, momentarily struck dumb. "You did?"

James nodded.

"I did. Thought he was your boyfriend though, so I wasn't going to ask."

Regulus shook his head. He took a few steps away and sat down on a nearby rock. He looked up at James once he was seated.

"Definitely not."

James just looked at Regulus where he sat. Regulus had left enough room next to him, and if James really wanted to, he could...

"May I?"

Regulus patted the seat wordlessly. It was endlessly infuriating that Barty had been right, but he was still glad that James wanted to join him. 

They stared at the rushing water for a while wordlessly. 

After a while, Regulus let his hand fall between them on the rock. 

A little after that, James tentatively put his own hand down. 

Then Regulus turned his own hand over, and they were holding hands. 

And before he knew it, they were kissing with the sound of the rushing water in the background. 

Maybe hiking wasn't so bad after all.

#marauders #marauders era #dead gay wizards #regulus black #starchaser #jegulus #james potter #sunseeker #jegulus microfic #jegulus fanfiction #starchaser microfic #starchaser fanfiction

[blackopals-world]

All is Fair

Special forces!femYuu x Rook

Rook and Yuu play a game of chase.

Never in his life had Rook felt such pressure. Her piercing gaze followed his every move. Her shadowed form crept through the foliage. He was being hunted. His huntress was hungry.

That morning coach Vargas was letting his protégé choose the event for the day. She had been known for her strenuous training and athletic abilities, so there was no way she'd go easy on them.

"We are going to one of my favorite games from back home. It's either Capture the Flag or War." Yuu smiled mischievously as she spoke.

The crowd of students looked at one another in confusion. The games seemed so different. Knowing her work hard play harder mentality it might be fun.

The votes came down to the wire as everyone tried to figure out the trick but the deciding vote went to War. Yuu laughed uproariously with Vargas.

"You boys are up for an exciting day! Yuu here will explain the rules while I get the gear." Vargas patted her on the back for leaving.

"Okay privates! Let's start with the basics. You will be put into two teams. Your jobs will be to track each other down and 'kill' the other team. You will be monitored for safety and kill counts. You will be given communication devices to confer with your teammates. Do not betray your teams but if you do make it interesting because I would love that. Otherwise you will be penalized. Magic will be penalized. You will use the equipment given to you. Paintball guns, fake knives, traps, and explosives paints will be at your disposal. Be creative and if you really wanna make my day commit a war crime. It's not against the Geneva convention if the rule hasn't been made yet." With that everyone began scrambling to form teams and grabbing their equipment.

"Wait your joining?" Deuce asked as he placed his rubber knife in his paint holster. He noticed that Yuu had grabbed her own.

"Yeah, I forgot to mention I'm going to be on my own team. I'm hunting everyone so don't get caught." This was the last time anyone saw her before she disappeared into the woods.

Rook had watched her the entire time. He knew exactly who his target was now.

His dame de la chasse had been quite busy. Her traps were well hidden from trip wires to nets. He had found her victims scattered about with paint in a neat but dripping line at their necks. She was efficient.

Still, she played with them clearly bored of her query and had moved one. Rook had been lucky enough to feel her presence. He had been chosen.

He was indeed chosen by her. Someone who moved like her, thought like her, and yet so foreign. Rook didn't know how to paralyze someone with a touch, how to use piano wire to finish a target or, get a confession from a combatant. Yet they both know how to hunt, track, capture. She wanted to capture him and make Rook her's.

She loved the way he moved silently like the muffled paw pads of a snow leopard trotting through the snow. When he wasn't hunting he had a gait like a wolf and a smile that was too cocksure by half. Too confident and too smug. A man after her own heart.

But the same could be said for Rook. Her reflexes were sharp and her gaze was piercing like an arrow. When she wanted something she went for it.

Before he knew it she had found his weak point and pounced.

There was a dull thud as he crashed to the ground. The only cushion he felt where a pair of soft lips on his.

"I've finally caught you." Yuu purred when she pulled away.

"You are mistaken my little trickster. I've got you." She gave him a quizzical look before Rook pounced in turn.

Yuu yelped when Rook wrestled her to the ground and firmly pinned her under him. Their lips met again in a passionate kiss.

"ROOK!ROOK! WHERE DID YOU GO?! THE OTHER TEAM GOT EPEL AND FLOYD!" Someone yelled over the com. Unfortunately, Rook was now compromised and being held by the enemy but on the bright side, he was also holding the enemy.

So let's call it a tie.

You know what they say though. All is fair in love and war.

(All that for a pun.)

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twst yuu #twst mc #twst rook #rook hunt x reader #twisted wonderland rook #rook hunt #special forces!yuu

[tasberry]

Marichat, for me at least, was never sinful.

I like them together because it's based around the trope of falling in love with your best friend. Where you get to know a person with all these quirks, all these flaws and complications, and go "Yeah, I love all of those too."

Where someone can annoy or upset you, but you talk it out and still choose each other. You love them at their best, you wanna lift each other up, but there isn't a pedestal because you climbed up together.

Chat Noir isn't Adrien's "true self" he just compartmentalizes. He breaks himself into little peices that he thinks people will like depending on the situation he's in.

When he's transformed he doesn't need to worry about looking foolish or getting chewed out by his father for inappropriate behaviour. It's still him, Chat Noir just gives him the ability to explore how he presents himself in the world.

The same can be said for Marinette as well. In fact, I'd say Marinette is a clearer example on how the true selves idea is painfully missing the point?

Marinette doesn't have the awful family life Adrien has. If she messes up, there isn't any of the disgusting, manipulative, abuse that we see from Gabriel Agreste awaiting her at home. She has a supportive family that encouraged her to be herself even before she got the earrings.

She was much more passive, but Chat Noir and Alya inspired her. They helped her be a better Ladybug, and grow into a more confident Marinette. There's more...persona bleed with Maribug. She doesn't refer to Ladybug as a different person the way Adrichat did. She knows one persona has more social power and she'll utilize it if she feels like she needs to. It's not an identity issue with her the way it was with Adrien.

Up until Adrien started to realize that Chat and Adrien are just..both aspects of him as a person thank you Plagg ily, Chat Noir was more of a character he got to play around with. This is what he thought he was doing anyway. I don't think his actions as Chat are disingenuous in anyway. He just didn't feel safe or accepted enough to let those two parts of himself stop being sectioned off until recently.

TLDR;

This episode was adorable

Marichat and the true selves thing is BS

These two fictional children are going to murder me with these adorable, heartbreaking shenanigans

SEND HELP IM USED TO LONGER ML HIATUSES WHAT IS THIS

#miraculous #miraculousladybug #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain-cheng #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #marichat #maricat #ml exaltation #ml elation #ml meta #ml analysis #ml #mlb #ml spoilers #ml speculation #ml season 5 #ml season 5 spoilers #ml love square #adrienette #adrinette #long post #shut up tas #tas talks

[normal-thoughts-official]

i don't think i've ever said this about choices before but wow this really was the ladies' chapter and i for one am thrilled. we didn't get a lot of imtura as usual but what we did get I was very happy with. i've said this before but i'm loving seeing imtura growing more confident (more than she was in book 1, even) and stepping into the leadership role she was always perfect for but never confident enough to really take. of course she was the wraith's captain but i think this is the first time we're seeing imtura really plan in detail what they're going to do, take charge of the group. she's not asking and she's not apologetic but not imposing either, listening to ideas and adjusting accordingly. she's a great leader and it's so nice to see her really grow into that role, especially since her main conflict in book 2 has been about feeling like she's not good enough to be anything other than the brawns. she has 100% been the brains of the team these last few chapters, and she doesn't even seem to realize she's doing it. it's great to see. i'm also liking seeing her slowly repair her dynamic with mal. i've written before about how mal and imtura have always been the only ones who get each other in the group, and how falling out must have been devastating to both of them. and now we're starting to see them slowly fall back into their groove, teasing each other but still with a lot of respect, and slowly starting to get over the hurt they both put on each other. although i wish it was being addressed more directly, i'm still loving it. and of course, their consistent reminders that her most important value is equality - you share the wealth, share the food, take care of each other. that's the kind of leader she is, in direct opposition of her mother who wished to centralize everything and institute hierarchy. imtura is an orc to the bone, free and strong but caring and believing in equality, and i love seeing that being consitently shown these last few chapters. also, her dancing scene was so fucking sweet

valax is simply the love of my life. and we got TWO separate chances to make out with her. the world is a beautiful place. but more than that, we are getting to know her better, and reconcile the valax we first met with the valax we saw at ironbreach. i like how they're not at odds, and although there's the obvious, well, brainwashing aspect, she is violent because she's kind and cares about her people. by which i mean lines like this:

it's not at all unlike what MC is doing. as much as everyone MC kills or incapacitates or whatever is some faceless rando, they're still essentialy waging war for what they believe in. and i like that. as i've said before, my favorite thing about blades 2 is how it's been unraveling all of the myths from book 1, showing the other side. history is written by the victors and all that, and i think book 2 is really showing how it's important to question those nationalistic myths where everything on your side is good, the other is bad, etc. and valax telling us about how the Light Realm fucked the Shadow Realm over adds to that, which makes valax an important part of the plot not only as a villain or potential love interest but also as an important source of information about the worldbuilding and what the other side is like. at the same time, we got to see her being conflicted - admitting that she's naive, starting to question the state of the army, betraying MC but also apologizing for it - and just overall a complex person/villain. we got more backstory, more of her motivations, more glimpses of Shadow Realm history, truly we got everything from valax this chapter

i also love how her betrayal was not only inevitable but also due to a fundamental flaw in nia's plan: assuming valax would choose self-preservation over completing her mission and helping her people. it'd be a safe bet to make with pretty much anyone else, but we've seen enough of valax to know that it definitely doesn't apply to her - she has never lived for herself, she doesn't exist for herself, and so she was always going to bid her time until she could go through the pain to complete the mission. that might be the most fundamental part of her character, and it is both shown very well and given even more important narrative weight in this scene

and at the risk of sounding like a hater, this was the first chapter where i truly felt like they were going somewhere interesting with nia's arc. i have a lot of sympathy for her book 1 arc - realizing she has been groomed, trying to reclaim her faith - but she still has always kind of felt one dimensional to me. this chapter was the first time we got to see more of nia; we even had it be implied that at least part of her always being cheery and put-together is a facade. more than just turning her back on the temple this is the first time she is turning her back on the shitty parts of what they taught her - that she doesn't matter, that she lives only for the light, that she can't have needs and desires of her own. all in all, she needs catharsis, and if it's the shadow form that gives her that, then cheers! but regardless of how you feel about shadow!nia i think we can agree that it's giving us more and better glimpses into nia as a character who feels a lot of pain and immense pressure to be good while also trying to figure out which parts of her upbringing she needs to unlearn and which she gets to keep, deal with the grief of losing MC and watching her friend group fall apart, and trying to be a rock for them through it all, then immediately dealing with another world-shattering threat while also trying to hide a part of her for a good portion of it. i've seen a lot f people complain about how no one noticed shadow!nia before and MC was forced to keep that secret but i think it's a good analogy to how there are parts of nia that no one sees, that she tried so hard to suppress they were bound to take over her eventually. nia is more than a bubbly born sexy yesterday sweet girl and i'm delighted to see that being acknowledged

so, yeah. the ladies' chapter. loved it

#playchoices #blades of light and shadow #bolas #bolas2 spoilers #not described #imtura tal kaelen #valax #princess valax #nia ellarious #meta #sorta #choices book club

[mellowwillowy]

𝐈 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐒

Yan! MastermindS x GN! ???Junkie Reader

"𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒖𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒂 𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒕."

Warnings: General Yandere Warnings, dubcon

Sitting by the alleyway with a cigarette in your hand, you scrolled your phone to sort the orders you'll have to deliver tonight. Most of it were small orders but there was one massive order that brightened your day up.

A massive order for a party held by the rich bastards in a mansion. You were wary of it of course, why would they deal this with someone like you who was only a junkie that sold their own stash for some cash. But looking at the number of deposits sent to you was enough to make your eyes go green.

Perhaps these rich bastards want to feel what it's like to work with a normal junkie like you? Curiosity, perhaps.

You decided that it was time you made your way to the mansion, all your treasure placed in your backpack. You'll just give them the goods, take the money, and leave.

Or so you thought.

"Won't you stay with us to make the party even merrier? We will always welcome those who want to join in."

The words were tinged with contradiction. Had they really welcomed everyone then you'd see the faces you usually saw in this mansion. Perhaps he was referring to only people who knew there was a huge party thrown here? Either way, you were not confident in accepting his offer. Everyone there was well dressed, contrary to you who only threw a hoodie and sweatpants that you could find in your house.

"I appreciate the offer but I'm afraid I'm running out of time."

"The time to party on your own? Why not join the festivities here?" Another man came into view, snaking his arm around the man who was talking to you. The two of them mirrored each others' faces a little bit too well. Perhaps they were brothers or twins, you thought to yourself.

"It'll be a nice change seeing a new face around here, if you were worried about your attire, please know that no one would care about it."

So he wasn't the dense one. He understood that you were insecure about how you presented yourself as well.

"Mmh... or should I help you change? Just the two of us~" the shorter one winked. Maybe they were twins, with one of them being the less healthy. It's not rare to see that being the case.

"Erickson..."

"What? I'm only suggesting! They get to choose which one it'll be, to change or to stay!"

How about the option to leave?

"Are you the one named Erickson, sir?"

He looked at you before beaming with a smile on his face, "Yup! This one here next to me is Noel. Noel, Erickson!" He pointed himself and the man he snaked his arm around.

"Noel... pleased to meet you, y/n."

"Ah, yes, pleased to meet you...?"

He held out his hand for you to shake. You took it and shook your hand with him before he tightened his grip and walked you further inside the mansion. Just like a Venus trap, you thought to yourself. Just when you were about to complain, Erickson handed you a glass of champagne that he took from the server.

"Here, I bet this will be the best drink you've ever had in your entire life!" Yhtil was the name of the wine.

You wouldn't doubt that, seeing how this whole place screamed wealth. You figured it would be impossible for you to leave already, considering how persistent they were with you.

...what if you are being trafficked right now?

You jolted out and tried to back away when you felt Noel's grip on your hand putting you still on the spot. Noel who noticed your face growing paler let go of you, raising both his hands as a sign of him not trying to hurt you.

Erickson on the other hand, wrapped his arms around your body, closing any distance between the two of you, "What? Do you seriously think we are here to traffick you? Don't be silly~ We would have dragged you by your hair if that was the case."

His words did make sense but it would be a lie if you said you didn't wince at it. Was he trying to make things better or worse for you?

You finally reached the main hall where everyone gathered. There, you could see musicians playing a piece of rather soothing classical music on the stage. For a party that would involve marijuana, they sure were showing the contrary.

"Does the music suit your taste?" Noel snaked his arm around your waist, what was the point of him asking you, an intruder, such a question? Nonetheless, you enjoyed it. It was rather unnerving how you felt so familiar with it. You could hear this music being played somewhere before a catastrophe happened, but when?

"It's great, it almost drowns me in memories that I do not possess." You shut your eyelids, bathing yourself in the music. While you couldn't see them, Erickson simply smirked while mumbling to himself, "Better shut those eyelids when he comes then." Noel shushed him before you could ask him what he was talking about.

A waiter came and offered you another refreshment. As you were about to take one, someone accidentally bumped into you. You turned to look who it was, a... twin? Looking back at the people in front of you and Noel and Jade, the two pairs did resemble each other a bit too much.

"Sorry! I didn't mean that!" One of the two apologized, were they the ones who bumped into you? You couldn't discern one out of the two as they shared a mirrored appearance.

"Sorry dove~ here," The other one gave you a card of Ace. "Let's go, Lucy."

"Let's go, Lucius!"

The two of them spoke in a rather unique manner, they came and left like a wind. Noel patted your back, his hand asking you to hand him the card. Confused and dumbfounded, you gave him the card only for him to rip it apart.

"I don't like them two."

"O yeah? We ought to love ourselves more~"

"Shut up." Noel glared at his brother while Erickson only shrugged it away with a whistle. Just as you grew wary of everyone in here, you waited for the perfect time to slip out of their grasp. And God was smiling at you that day, as multiple guests approached the Twins and conversed with them. You took this chance and walked away from them.

You tried to rehearse the walk you took to reach here, walk out from here... then turn left, then...

"Please, why don't you gentlemen show him his way out?"

You didn't mean to drag yourself into another trouble. You immediately hid behind the wall, hoping that they wouldn't catch you eavesdropping them. Peeking through, you saw 2 people dressed in monochrome attire dragging the intruder by their hair and legs.

"We would have dragged you by your hair if that was the case."

You swallowed back your thoughts. Were you not an intruder as well? Why were you treated with this special treatment? Upon losing in your thoughts, you realized two pairs of yellow eyes stared into yours.

Their face mirrored each other with one of them having longer white hair and being the friendlier-looking one while the other looked a bit more colder. One of them waved their hand at you, smiling as their other hand dragged the man by their leg.

"Stop wasting their time, OO-Yon."

"Alright, alright~"

The other one nodded their head to you as though they were greeting you. Why were they acting so casual when they were having a man crying while being dragged by them? What exactly had you just gotten yourself into?

Suddenly, a cheer erupted from the main hall you just sneaked out from.

"ALL SHALL CHEER TO THE GREATEST MASTER OF THE NIGHT."

"ALL SHALL CHEER TO THE GREATEST MASTERMIND!"

"ALL SHALL CHEER TO THE BIRTH OF NEW MIRACLE!"

They are nuts, you thought to yourself. Had they finally smoked the damn drugs and went high? If so, you'd rather not join them in their farce and relax in the alleyways instead. You turned your heels and hurried to find your way out until you bumped into someone. You looked up and met their... masked face.

"Ah, what is our main star doing here?"

The man chuckled to himself as he fixed the position of his hat before forcing his grip on your forearm, making his way to the stage with you having no choice but to follow him.

Upon standing in the middle of the stage, you saw Noel's face contorted from worry to relief. Was he looking for you all the time when you went missing? Erickson merely clapped his hands loudly with Lucy and Lucius whistling loudly.

"Welcome back, Master!"

You looked to the man to your side, him, the Master? If so, you would have to tip your imaginary hat to him for holding such a bizarre party. The music changed. Its pace changed into a much slower and gentler one as he cleared his throat.

"Now that I have everyone's attention and presence, why don't we start the speech by burning that thing?"

One of the servants nodded and left quietly, leaving the main hall. The speech was unnerving as you couldn't grasp even a meaning from a line.

"And so, upon waiting for aeons, we have finally grasped the final fragment to revive them."

What? You felt people standing behind you, and so you looked behind. 8 people stood behind you, with you only recognizing some of them. The mirrored pair, Lucy and Lucius, another mirrored pair, one of them named 004, and 4 other people that you did not recognize.

"Should I introduce them to you? Or perhaps you'd like to use your own memories to remember, dear?"

You gulped, wary of what he was trying to make you do. Memories? Soon, your body wobbled. Something good was happening inside of you... You saw Noel's body jolted as though he wanted to walk upstage and catch you. The host, or the Mastermind snaked his arm around your waist, catching your wobbling body.

"Remember, love, why exactly do you sin in forbidden pleasure?"

Forbidden pleasure? What was he trying to say? You had been nothing but a great citizen who actually did their tax.

"Come and remember, what kind of form did you have? What kind of person you were? What kind of power did you hold?"

Your hand went to clutch his tie tightly, breath growing raggedy as your visions blurred into delusion. The whole hall looked so sparkly and the music felt so grand in your ears now. The man hugged your limp body before you giggled inside his embrace.

"Aaaahhhhhh~, why the hell am I trapped in such shabby life!"

The whole crowd started murmuring with the man smirking at your remarks.

"I am supposed to be basked in the joy of lifeeee and not the pain of living!" You pulled the man to your face by his tie, "Right, Ezekiel?"

The whole crowd erupted in cheer, urging him to take off his mask to signal the peak of the party. The man took off his mask and revealed his captivating GOLDEN eyes. You hated those GOLDEN eyes. You loathed them.

Now you finally remembered why you were addicted to drugs. It was because of how it made you remember things you were not allowed to, the memories of someone whose fate was a total contrast to your condition. You wished to feel what they felt Alas you drowned yourself in consuming drugs. If it could make you forget about the world you were living in then you would pay a fortune for it, for it was an <Escape> for you.

𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

You brought your hand to his cheek, giving it a little squeeze. His name was Ezekiel, or was it not? In your memories, he possessed multiple identities just to trick you.

𝐕𝐞𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐦𝐮ñ𝐞𝐜𝐚 𝐜𝐮𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐥 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐣𝐨

Looking at your reflections in his GOLDEN eyes, you saw how gorgeous you looked like in a completely different attire. You looked grand unlike how you first entered. Were you hallucinating? Probably so but you were used to it already.

𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬

𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

You crashed your lip into him to ensure that he was no delusion of yours, that he had always been real all along and everyone in the hall was also real. Noel walked upstage despite Erickson trying to pull him back and his efforts were proven to be futile.

Noel yanked you by your chin and crashed his lip into yours.

Noel, you had always thought his kiss would always be gentle and passionate but instead, his kiss was more of a possessive one, almost just as rough as Erickson's. How could you not know about it when you had always been a Junkie at heart?

𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞, 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Outside the main hall was your fortune burnt. The people behind you cackled while some sneered and groaned at you, and you remembered every one of them.

Starting from the second, someone who suffered from the fate of being stuck in a body that could not love, Lucy and Lucius who were trapped in eternal madness of uncertainty, 03-004 who were created out of madness, a spectacle shattered by their own siblings, the detective who could only execute in order to justify themselves and, a white tiger, Zili.

"Welcome Back, Master"

That line was not referred to Ezekiel, but rather, you, the Master of the Mansion themself. You did not wish to wake up from this dream, you wished you could stay high forever. Forever, yes, even if it took your life to stay so.

--

"What happened to this hall?"

"It seemed like a fire suddenly erupted when a banquet was being held."

"Oh yeah?" The person circled themselves, admiring the intricate design of the hall, "How many people were harmed and died in this accident?"

The man looked down at his report and hesitated for a moment, "None..."

The man hummed at his answer, "I wonder if that's supposed to mean this place would be haunted or not..."

Clap!

"I've decided. We are going to restore this whole hall!"

"Are you sure young Master?" The man chuckled to himself before walking out from the hall to reach a portrait of someone. You.

"It can't be helped, I've fallen in love with them after all..."

-- Yan! Sculptor x Portrait Reader.

𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬:

Ezekiel, Istg I didn't know what name I should give him! It was so randomly determined that I cried mentally at his naming process. Anyway, now I have to torture myself with a continuation of this, or should I write something else? (Maybe it might be boring to continue this).

I can't say much about Reader but let's just say the 8 people that were standing behind them were actually ALSO them. (In a nutshell.) I mean it makes sense because you appear in other fics... right

Not only is this a debut post for Ezekiel, but it's also an introduction post for the fragments here.

Starting from the second, someone who suffered from the fate of being stuck in a body that could not love, Adora.

Lucy and Lucius who were trapped in eternal madness of uncertainty,

03-004 who were created out of madness,

a spectacle shattered by their own siblings, Brille.

the detective who could only execute in order to justify themselves, Shuri.

and, a white tiger, Zili.

The reason why I didn't name some of them was because they appeared in numerous fics as GN! Reder... (their names are, you know, rather feminine) for example, Adora's condition and blood in the Crown Prince and the Knight fics. Zili had always appeared in a supporting role for Reader (XL) and will never appear as a reader so I had no worries with her. Lucy and Lucius + 03-004 might appear as Yan in later fics.

#yandere male #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere scenarios #yandere x you #yandere imagines #male yandere #yandere insert #yandere oc #yandere headcanons #yandere works #yandere writing #reader insert #x reader #x gn reader #female yandere

[akumicchi]

𝔗𝔬 𝔟𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔡.

112 prayers

A hopeful message with no destination.

You will never be too heavy for me.

Content: angst, breakdown, hints of depression. Suguru's POV. OC appearance.

I smelled it before I saw it. I felt it before I heard it; the presence, the humming. I had never entertained the idea of time travel. No one could actually predict a forced turn in the highway of time, even if Back to the Future made it look so comical. Despite that, I found myself basking in that presence, in that humming, and let it drive me off to when I was a child: innocent and safe.

“Mom?”, hoarse. Silence. A knot of guilt tightened itself up inside my chest. ‘Don’t go’.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”, there weren't the walls of my room around me, no posters, no bookshelves nor pictures. In fact, there was no room at all. Just an open field I didn't know, somewhere I couldn't remember. I wasn't curled against my mother either. It was just Hogo, and it made me more at ease than expected.

Not being alert in a strange place was a punch to my instincts, but I couldn't bring myself to care aside from a simple:

“Where are we?”

“We’re at school. I carried you here, remember?”, oh yes. She and her stupidly strong arms. “You fell asleep though, so you probably don't”. 

I did remember not wanting to come, earlier that day. The air had felt like lead for the entire … month?, weighing heavy on my lungs with each breath. Every layer of clothing was a tight rope made of rubber. It didn't matter how much I tried to fight the dark clouds, they only grew thicker and tighter. It was exhausting. It'd be way easier to just give into the misery. ‘Ah… everyone would be so disappointed to see me like this, choosing the easy way. But I can't carry this and pretend anymore’. So I hid from sewing fake smiles on my face. I just wanted to drown in the pain without witnesses.

Despite that, I let her in.

“C'mon, I want to show you something.”

“I don't really feel like walking anywhere right now”, it had been four days since Tsukumo Yuki talked to me on that very bench, and left me with more thoughts than I could manage. I needed quiet. “Maybe next time”.

Hogo crouched in front of me. Her voice was soft, the one she used when talking to kids. “Please, it won't be long, I promise. We go and then we come back. You will like it”, her eyes were clouded with worry, she looked pretty like that too, “You don't even have to walk if you don't want to”.

“Hmm? How come? You can teleport now, too?”, I cocked a brow, feeling the slight tug of a smile against my will. ‘The things she makes me do’. Her hands closed and opened for a second. She wanted to hug me, and the realization of this loud and clumsy girl being so mindful around me made my chest ache. 

“Well, I'll show you if you agree to come with me”, she sang quietly with a spray of confidence.

I was so eager to get an answer to these haunting questions. Haibara’s response was as simple as his own mind. Tsukumo Yuki’s, on the other hand… It was complicated. Or maybe it wasn't? Maybe I had made my choice? But what if I was wrong? How could I know? What would she say? I wanted her thoughts, a piece of her mind to tell me…anything.

‘But not now’. The scent from her neck lulled my senses quiet. The tree leaves above our heads were kind enough to shield us from the summer afternoon. Hogo’s hand traced my skin, untangling my worries stroke by stroke. My legs were folded on her lap, and the vague memory of being cradled this way made me feel so innocent. Too warm to think. Too soft. Too comfortable.

She had a book propped up against my thigh. It was open roughly around the middle.

“What are you reading?” 

“112 prayers at midnight”, she hummed, eyes not leaving the pages.

“That's an odd number of prayers”.

“Yeah. It's a story about a non-believer trapped in a time loop trying to save his loved ones after losing them to a mistake… He prays every time for the loop to restart.”

“For a non believer he surrendered fast… At least he has a second chance”.

Silence settled between us. A few seconds later she spoke again.

“Hum, I thought about that too, ‘To pray for time to go back, it's so unfair’. But as twisted as it is, I just can't stop reading. Maybe I'll be surprised”.

“Who’s that god that answers at the first call? That's a real surprise. I'd like to meet him”, that was a slip. My throat tightened and by no means I expected how broken I actually sounded.

Her arms held me closer. When she pressed her lips against my forehead, a sob almost broke through every wall I had built.

“Me too”.

Stop being like this. Don't hold me, don't carry me somewhere calm, don't kiss me so softly. Stop making me feel so small! I don't want the sun, I don't want the breeze, I don't want clouds, or words, or songs, or flowers; I don't want any of it!!

“Shh… it's okay, I've got you”.

#jjk x reader #jjk geto #jjk suguru #jjk fanfic #jjk geto suguru #jjk suguru geto #jjk angst #jjk #jujutsu geto #jujutsu suguru #jujutsu angst #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen suguru #jujutsu kaisen geto #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen comfort #tw depressing thoughts

[nieded]

So I painted my yoga mat... I'm including the process and credits below the cut.

So, I have been wanting a cork yoga mat for a while. Do I need one? No. Will I pick up yoga again for a month and then quit? Hopefully not, but likely yes.

Every time I get back into yoga, I start looking at cork yoga mats because they're grippier and also very very pretty. The only problem is... they are friggin' expensive.

I first was attracted to cork yoga mats because of some of the really amazing designs, but I can't afford this shit. Instead, I settled for a cheaper cork yoga mat that is plain, and I thought that if I saved up enough money and still cared about yoga enough to buy a fancy one, I would.

But then I got to thinking... could I paint my yoga mat? And the answer is yes, yes I can.

I originally got the idea when I read online of other people doing this to their rubber and PVC mats, so you do not need a cork mat to do this!

Buying the Mat

Even an inexpensive cork yoga mat is still far more than I've ever spent on one before, so I had to choose wisely. I ended up choosing the Gaiman cork yoga mat, which is about 5mm in thickness. It's roughly 68 x 24 inches. One thing I had read is that cork mats can get quite heavy, but this one is pretty lightweight while still being cushy. I was really tempted to use it right away, but I didn't want it to get dirty or oily before I painted it.

The Design

I am not an artist. I cannot draw well enough to freehand something confidently. What I do have is a Cricut Maker. If you don't know what a Cricut Maker is, it's an ill-advised purchase that I got secondhand and is actively ruining my budget. Depending on the model, it can cut out designs on a variety of materials, such as vinyl or infusible ink and can even tool leather. I used cardstock for this project to cut out stencils.

There are many free SVG templates out there as well as images created by other Cricut Makers that are only .99 each. There are many, many other places where you can purchase designs as well, or you can create your own! I am not talented enough to create my own design.

I tried several free SVGs, didn't like them, and then stumbled on this on Design Space, the Circut Maker program/shop. To quote Macklemore, "But shit, it was 99 cents!"

The image was designed by GlamSVG by Emylia and the inspiration came from an embroidery pattern by Emily June, which you can find HERE. I went through an embroidery phase during quarantine, and I have mine hung on the wall. I look at it daily.

I had to resize this image to fit my yoga mat, which ended up being 24 x 36". Because I cut the stencil out of cardstock, I had to segment everything into 8.5x11 pieces, cut, weed, and then piece it all back together on the mat. Once I had all the pieces, I stuck them to transfer paper to keep the floating segments in place. I organized and labeled everything so I could put it back together again easily. It looked like this:

Once it was assembled, I sprayed the backs with temporary adhesive so the stencils would stay down. I removed the transfer paper and began painting the outline. I did end up losing a couple of the floating pieces (see the letter O and the leaf on the far right side), so I had to freehand some of it. Overall, the stencil turned out great!

I had a variety of success with the temporary adhesive. Because I bought a more inexpensive mat, I soon discovered how not durable it is. The 'temporary' adhesive pulled up small pieces of cork after I removed the stencil. This was partially my fault, since I didn't pull up the stencil as I went. Still, there were pieces that were going to lift anyway. This revealed that the cork is only one layer, but fortunately, each piece of cork that lifted was quite small and unnoticeable, and the thread behind it matched in color. It wasn't ideal, but I could live with it.

Some of the cardstock became permanent fixtures on the mat, which I then had to paint over. Also, some of the stencil didn't stick at all, so I had minor bleed through. Problems all around! But it still turned out nicely!

I need to preface that I have never painted anything before. Well, that's a lie. I've painted a wall, and six years ago I had a Bob Ross themed birthday party. The SO, however, is the son of an artist and taught me about mixing acrylic. His first tip was to test out colors. I used Paint.Net and came up with this mock-up:

I knew I wanted the heart anatomy to be shades of red, so that was easy. The flowers were harder. I tried my favorite colors, like yellow and purple, but it didn't sit right visually. I turned to Canva Color Wheel to help me find complementary colors to the shades of red I wanted to use. That's how I came up with the pretty blues. To mix the colors, I used ColorHexa to show me the percentage of CYMK I needed.

Here are some progress shots:

I'm super happy with how it turned out! My color mixing didn't turn out exactly like the mock up, but I love the results. The last step was to let it dry for at least 48 hours. Then I set it with Mod Podge Acrylic Sealer.

I chose Mod Podge since it's non-toxic, and I will be putting my face on it. Also, my dogs walk on it while I do yoga. They think it belongs to them. :) Knowing now that there is only 1 layer of cork, I do worry how it'll hold up to dog nails over time.

Lastly, the real test was to see if it would roll, and it does! So now I just need a yoga strap, and I'm good to go!

#yoga #ni speaks #crafting

[hotforharrison]

I've been exclusively posting new Harrison content and nothing about me personally for quite some time now, but I just kind of wanted to... talk to the void, I guess. It's been rough lately.

The end of December leading up to the shit show that was my birthday on New Year's Eve, and now into 2024, has not shown me any kindness.

Seeing my husband happily in love with his girlfriend while our marriage spirals around the drain into divorce has been really difficult, one of the hardest things I've gone through in my life.

He says that he wants to work things out and have both of us, which is what I want as well, but his actions speak differently most of the time.

She lives nearby and gets surprise cookies and hugs when she's feeling sad. On multiple occasions, I've gotten left alone in my room in tears.

They talk on the phone more in a single day than he and I did in the entire two weeks I was visiting my family out of state for my high school reunion.

I want so much to be in love and happy again, which I haven't been in quite some time. I'm not sure that it's going to happen with him as much as I want it to. I usually feel like we're on a sinking boat, and I'm trying to use a cup to throw out water to try desperately to keep it afloat, even though it's ultimately futile.

As per the marriage counselor's suggestion, we're being more intentional about our time together, like we're dating again.

Although I'm unable to leave the house right now for anything that isn't absolutely essential (I'll get to that in a minute), we've been having movie nights every Wednesday with phones put away and paying attention to the movie and each other.

We haven't done anything "special" together as a couple in what's honestly been years, and we're going to go to either Kemah Boardwalk or Galveston hopefully the week of April 15, depending on whether it's safe for me to walk that much at that point.

I'm not holding my breath that it's going to ultimately help us reconnect enough to improve things, but I'm hoping it's a step in the right direction of getting there.

We've been polyamorous since 2015, but I haven't dated or been looking for someone to date since 2016, or even just hook up with for that matter. My husband has had a number of girlfriends and partners over the years, which I'm completely fine with.

It's been a sort of mono-poly relationship for the past almost 8 years, but entirely by my own choosing. He didn't influence that at all and actually encouraged me to date again if it's what I wanted to do.

And I am going to go down that rabbit hole hopefully later this year, which is very nerve-wracking.

I know it's absolutely not a requirement for dating, and shallow people who would only date someone who is under a certain weight aren't great partners, but I want to lose a lot of weight before I start looking again. It will help me feel better about myself, and self-confidence is an attractive quality.

Right now, I honestly don't even want to be undressed in front of my husband who I started dating in 2007, so him seeing me undressed is nothing new. I view myself as "fat and disgusting," even though I've known women who weigh as much or more than I do right now who were very attractive and had no trouble dating.

My husband said I carry the weight very well and don't need to be down to some arbitrary number that I come up with to date again, which I wanted to be under 200. He asked how much I weighed when we started dating. I weighed around 260 then, and I understood his point.

I started actively trying to lose weight on September 22 of last year, because there's no reason to wait until some specific date like a New Year's resolution. September 22 was as good a day as any.

I was about 12 lbs shy of my highest weight ever, which was 352.8 lbs, at 340.6. As of January 16, I'd lost over 30 lbs since the end of September and weighed in at 307.1. I'm 5'9, so a tall girly, and my tentative goal is 175. It's subject to change based on my desired goal clothing size, which is a 10. (I don't want to stop shopping at Torrid, and they go down to a 10 at the lowest.)

Anyway, I broke my right leg and severely sprained my left ankle when I fell in a parking lot the day before Thanksgiving in 2022, which halted my weight loss efforts in 2022 and led to me regaining most of the weight I'd lost then.

The amount of damage I did to myself from just falling in a parking lot was pretty impressive. Ironically, I did not break the glass bottles of hard cider I was carrying, only myself.

The broken leg healed perfectly over the course of a few months or so, but because I still had to use the other leg as my main weight bearing side, it didn't get to properly heal like it should have. My sprained ankle's ligaments were very loose. The ankle kept collapsing over the course of 2023, through a round of physical therapy, and I just kept spraining my ankle over and over again whenever I tried to do more demanding things like working out. Being more active is very important to weight loss and health, so it was really frustrating.

Eventually, after trying to work out one too many times and foolishly not allowing the injury enough time to "heal," (and I use the term "heal" loosely because it never actually did and just became increasingly damaged) I ended up in putting myself into an immobilizing boot full time because of the collapsing extending itself into normal walking.

The first round of physical therapy made no difference, and I did a consultation with a different physical therapy place to see what they said. After going over my situation and having an assessment of my ankle with the physical therapist, I asked if he were in my shoes what he would choose to do. He said that if it were him, he'd do the surgery and follow it up with physical therapy to regain strength and balance.

So I had the surgery to fix it once and for all on January 19. (I was hoping to have the surgery ASAP, but couldn't do it in December like I originally hoped. My insurance was changing in January.)

The injury was apparently worse than the doctor initially thought it was, and I haven't been able to put any weight at all on it since then. I had been very much hoping to be able to put some weight on it again at my 3 week follow up, but no dice. I've been stuck exclusively on a knee scooter cart and crutches for over 5 weeks now. It's been such a struggle, in so many ways.

I've left the house literally 3 times since I got home after the surgery. Two follow up appointments with the foot and ankle doctor, and an interesting session of marriage counseling while I was drugged out of my mind on prescription painkillers. I honestly don't remember much of it, or that week in general. I was very happy to transition to ibuprofen and acetaminophen after the first week post-op.

I haven't been able to weigh myself since my last weigh in before the surgery on January 16, which is taking a very, very heavy toll on me and my mental health.

I've been having recurring nightmares about getting back on the scale and weighing more than I ever have in my life -- like 70+ lbs more than I did when I last weighed myself in January. I know rationally that I've actually lost weight and am very likely under 300 lbs now, but there's still this deep, nauseating fear that I'm wrong and weigh more than I ever did.

My husband assures me that he can tell that I've lost weight, but it doesn't feel real to me with my skewed perception -- like my brain tells me that the clothes that fit differently were obviously messed up while they were being washed and just ended up stretched out somehow.

I took measurements of my body when I started losing weight in September, and as of a week or so ago, I've lost 7" in my bust and hips and 5" in my waist. My brain tries to convince me that I just measured myself wrong in September, like I could somehow measure myself wrong with over 7" of difference with the exact same tape measure.

It makes no logical sense.

I have another follow up appointment with the foot and ankle doctor on Monday morning and get to find out if I can put weight on my left leg again after some x-rays to check my healing progress. (That makes me nervous because I still have some prominent bruises on one of my thighs that I had on January 20. They've gone from purple to brown, but they're still very obvious. It's supposed to take 2 weeks for bruises to go away. Not 5+.)

I really don't know that I can handle having to wait even longer to weigh myself again and start the process of getting back to walking and eventually working out.

I want so desperately to be able to make progress toward my goals instead of just miserably stagnating here.

I want to lose the weight. I want to be healthier. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have the chance to finally figure out things with my husband, even if the conclusion we ultimately come to isn't what I'm hoping for. I want to find a nice guy to date. I just want to move forward, actually live my life.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I guess?