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astraystayyh · 11 months

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Invisible thread- one

pairing : minho x reader

genre : university au, academic rivals to lovers (rivals not enemies because they respect each other), slow burn, fluff, angst.

warnings : reader has a very bad relationship with her mother, insecurities, talk about murder but as a joke, mention of alcohol, reader has she/her pronouns.

summary : Your studies were your lifeline for as long as you can remember. What happens when Minho comes into your life and rips it away from you?

word count : 20k

Author's note : I've been working on this fic on and off for the past two months, so if you do enjoy reading, please let me know. asks, comments, reblogs i read them all and they truly make me the happiest <3 (also i based this off my own college experience, where we study two terms and there is one person on top of the class every semester)

part two

You have always been first in your class.

Not because you particularly enjoyed studying. You simply felt that your worth was solely tied to the marks on your papers.

You never wanted to crumble under the pressure of studies, to hole yourself up in your room for an assignment you won’t remember in a month. But achieving good grades was the only way for you to feel seen; to make someone stop in their tracks and acknowledge you.

A simple “good job” that you preserved inside your mind, as a reminder that you did exist to other people. Considering that the majority of your life was spent in silence.

Your mom put a roof above your head and food on your table, but she never asked about your day, nor did she seem to care. You felt as though you were no more important to her than the tapestry hanging on your wall.

At times, you imagined that if you stood close enough to that tapestry, you could merge with it as one. The intricate embroidery would wrap around you and draw you in. And your mother wouldn’t notice. She would regard you with the same indifference she showed towards that textile- a mere decoration, at times a nuisance when she had to dust it.

You always ate your dinner alone. When you scraped your knee, you tended to the wound by yourself. No one attended your childhood musicals, and you patted your back when you cracked an egg without dropping a shell into the bowl.

You’ve come to learn since your young age that all your milestones, both small and significant, would be celebrated alone.

On the rare times your mother would acknowledge your presence, she’d unleash a flurry of criticism your way as if she was eagerly awaiting the opportunity to strike you down. She'd toss crude comments over her shoulder as easily as a casual hello, leaving you feeling battered and bruised in her wake.

You felt as if you were shoreline rocks, and your mother was the ocean. You never knew if she would be like a gentle tide, barely brushing against you, or an enraged storm, mercilessly crashing down on your being. And you weren't sure which one was worse: to be invisible or to be seen and despised.

That’s why you grew up plagued with self-doubt. You made friends throughout your school years but you never allowed them to get close enough to really see you -you feared that they might glimpse the very thing your mother seemed to despise in you.

Throughout your childhood, you were like soft clay in your mother's hands- pliable, and easy to mold. And she indented you, everywhere, carved in edges and dips where they should not have been ones. Handled you roughly when you should have been treated with care. And as the years went by, you hardened- much like clay, but her touch remained imprinted upon you. It was difficult at times to discern who you were and who she made you to be.

You tried to start anew when you went away to university; to rewire your brain into believing that you were enough- you exist and you shouldn't prove to anyone that you deserved to be alive. But her words haunted you, they were like skeletons in your closet- but the closet was you. You could never part from them.

So, you fell back into the same pattern of seeking good grades and congratulatory words from your professors. Every A+ you got infused you with a momentary sense of worthiness.

But unlike in high school, you weren't always the best. Your competition came in the form of a single man named Minho, who seemed to excel in every class you shared.

Minho was mostly quiet, but whenever he spoke, you found that his words carried weight. Your professors consistently agreed with his points, and you envied the confidence he exuded. You wondered what it must feel like to be so sure of oneself.

It wasn't until a month into the year that you had your first interaction with Minho. You were in your Constitutional Law class when your professor Kim brought up the notion of ‘Separation of Powers’. You were arguing that judges shouldn’t be included in the writings of law when you heard a scoff from the row behind you. You turned around, raising a brow at the culprit, "Is there something you’d like to say?" you asked.

And in response, Minho smiled lazily, an air of smugness surrounding him, "I just don’t agree." The professor urged him to explain himself, so he leaned back into his chair, eyeing you. "Judges are the ones who practice the law every day, and sometimes they find that none of the written texts fit their case. If they get involved in lawmaking, they can help address those gaps or uncertainties."

"Who's to say that those judges aren’t biased or politically motivated? They’ll end up writing laws to fit their own preferences," you pointed out, raising an eyebrow at him. "We elect judges to interpret and apply laws, not make them. If they start writing laws too, we'll be violating the separation of powers between the legislative and judicial branches. That's what keeps our entire system from crumbling."

Minho rested his chin on his hand, tapping his cheek thoughtfully with his index finger. "Aren’t legislators prone to biases too? Your point doesn’t stand then," he challenged, tilting his head to the side, "and judges can participate without going overboard. They can provide input on proposed laws without actually drafting them. That way, we ensure that the laws are crafted with a clear understanding of how they'll be put into practice."

"If your main concern is to ensure that the laws are impartial, we have people who work as consulting experts whose job is exactly that," you flashed him an innocent smile, firing back. "Also, wouldn’t these overstepping branches put the judges in a position to be perceived in a bad light? Is that what you want?"

Before Minho could respond, Mr. Kim intervened, putting an end to your debate, "Let's save this energy for your essays and see who can convince me more."

You gave a quick nod, swiveling in your seat without a backward glance. However, you could sense Minho’s gaze penetrating through your back- as if he was trying to read your most intimate thoughts.

That was the first thing you noticed about Minho when he walked over to you. His eyes were brown, not a special color by any means. But they held a certain depth to them that seemed to draw you in like a black hole. You weren't sure what you would find on the other side, nor did you have any desire to find out.

He outstretched his hands towards you, stopping you in your tracks. "Minho," he introduced and your hand met his in a firm grip. The second thing you noticed about him was the coldness of his hand, as it wrapped tightly around your palm.

Suddenly you were taken back to when you built a snowman for the first and last time. You were just seven and the ice was freezing, numbing your fingers as you worked. Your mother never told you that you should’ve worn mittens, or a thick jacket to fight off the cold when she saw you walking out of the house. The memory of your cold hands and the horrible illness that followed still left a bitter taste in your mouth, like an unripe fruit. With a jolt you dropped his hand, forcefully pulling yourself away from that memory.

"Yn," you said back, and he smiled to himself, repeating your name slowly, each syllable dripping from his tongue.

"We'll see who'll write the best essay, right?" he asked, clearly challenging you. There was a gleam of excitement in his eyes that reminded you of a child gazing up at cotton candy.

That was the third thing you noticed about Minho; how expressive his eyes were. They moved with his every word, punctuating them.

He was infuriating but also amusing. You've never had a clear competitor in your life. Or maybe you had, but you didn't notice them. You were always so reclined on yourself, trying to survive the day, you didn't pay enough attention to your surroundings.

"You want to compete with me?" You asked, and he smirked, leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest. "What? Scared you’d lose?"

"Please." You rolled your eyes at his taunting, "Don’t come crying when I win."

"We’ll see about that!" He shouted after you as you walked ahead, leaving him behind.

This essay was insignificant. A simple way for your professor to assess your knowledge and work approach. And yet, you found yourself staying up all night to complete it. There was no way you were going to let Minho take this one thing from you.

Who were you if not the best in your studies? You were deathly afraid to find out.

Later on that week, the professor handed you your grade back, 98%. You turned around to show Minho your mark, and so did he. You surpassed him, only by mere percents. "I told you so," you smiled cheekily and he pouted, holding a hand to his heart as if your grade wounded him.

"I'll beat you next time", he mouthed and you chuckled, "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

✹✹✹

The first time you studied with Minho was in a cat café near campus, called Limbo, about two weeks after your initial interaction. You stumbled upon it serendipitously while strolling through your university town. You couldn’t study at home, since you were easily distracted in there, and the eerie silence of libraries often left you unsettled.

Limbo, however, offered the perfect middle-ground: it was calm, not overly crowded, and the buzzing of the coffee machine blended harmoniously with the occasional mewls of cats, which helped you concentrate better.

You were sitting in a secluded corner table at the café's back, a sleeping black cat comfortably nestled in your lap when you sensed a shadow loom over you. You glanced up quickly to find Minho. He was clad in a grey hoodie sporting a bunny holding up its middle finger. You had to bite your cheek to suppress a grin at his clothing attire.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"You know for someone smart you sure ask stupid questions," you remarked, already looking down at the papers scattered in front of you.

He huffed, taking a seat at the table right next to yours, "I can’t believe that of all places you’ve found this café to study in."

"My apologies, am I disturbing you, your highness?" You asked sarcastically, and in retort, Minho mimicked your words in a high-pitched tone. You threw the pillow right next to you at his head, and Minho swiftly ducked, easily avoiding it. He chuckled loudly while you glared at his laughing figure. That was the end of your conversation that day.

From that moment forward, it became a routine for the two of you to study at Limbo, every Saturday, without fault. You didn’t explicitly plan on it, but it seemed that both of you found it comforting to work there. And you could also tell that, unlike you, it wasn’t Minho’s first time coming to Limbo. He was friends with the owner, a sweet middle-aged man who offered you pastries whenever you stayed there until closing. The cats seemed to know him too, they mewled at his feet whenever he entered and he always greeted them with a soft smile on his face.

You didn’t talk much in those unofficial study sessions, the both of you were consumed by your own work. But you’d steal quick glances at him every now and then, the sight of him so concentrated only fueled you to work harder.

Admittedly, your competition left you feeling anxious for days on end at first. Each time Minho came out on top, you’d found yourself losing your grip. Your studies have been the one anchor keeping you afloat your entire life, and now, Minho was ripping it carelessly away from you. So, you resented him- you were human after all.

But then, you realized that Minho’s taunting wasn’t malicious. He wasn’t competing with you to hurt you, he was doing it for amusement only.

You've slowly started to learn that despite his relentless teasing, Minho had a gentle aura surrounding him. Glimpses of which occasionally emerged like rays of sunshine piercing through a thick cloud cover.

True, he chuckled when you accidentally bumped your head on the table while retrieving a fallen pen. Yet, you also noticed how he began to cover the table's corners with his hand whenever you bent down. He swiftly retracted his hand, seemingly believing you didn't notice, but you did.

During class presentations, he deliberately prepared challenging questions for you, urging you to study twice as hard to ensure no stone was left unturned. Yet, whenever the professor praised your performance, Minho offered a subtle thumbs-up as a gesture of support. He winked at you each time he got the right answer and you didn’t. However, when he noticed you struggling with a particular subject, he scooted closer and patiently explained it to you. He got up before you could thank him, swatting his arm in the air as if he didn’t do anything of significance.

To show your appreciation, you bought him a drink that day he helped you—a simple gesture that sparked an ongoing game of "win a bet, get free food". You bet on who would receive the first mark on an assignment or who would finish an essay first- anything to further deepen the competition between you.

That's how you came to know that he loved puddings, among other things.

Curiously, as the months went by, your mind began to retain these little details about him. How his eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings when he blinked repeatedly during your conversations. How he glanced at the ceiling when lost in deep thought as if he was waiting for the answers to descend from the sky. Or how his lips take on the shape of an "o" while thinking of his response during one of your many debates. But you supposed that it was natural to take notice of such things when you spend countless Saturday afternoons with the same person.

You were still studying for someone else, in the sense that each time you stayed up working, it was solely to prove your worth to Minho. But at least unlike your mother, Minho's words never haunted you at night.

✹✹✹

Just like that, four months have gone by since you joined your university as a law major. It was nearing finals week and you were preparing it at Limbo. Minho was naturally present too, at his usual table right next to yours.

On the last weekend before the beginning of your finals, you were head-deep into your Criminal Law documents when Minho abruptly got up from his seat and settled in the chair in front of you.

"Yn," he whispers and you glance at him, "What?"

"I have an idea."

"Keep it to yourself," you grin sarcastically, only for him to pick up your spoon and move it around in a threatening manner.

"Are you trying to scare me with a spoon?" you chuckle in disbelief.

"Anything can be a weapon if you use enough force."

"Okay… that was creepy. What do you want?"

"The end of the first term is coming up. So, to celebrate our little rivalry-"

"It's not a rivalry if I’m always winning," you cut him off.

"Yeah, that’s why I have a fridge full of pudding."

"But-"

"Anyways, how about the top of the class takes the other out for dinner? A fancy one." He suggests, his gaze fixed on you.

"No, thank you. I already see you enough in classes."

"Didn’t think you wouldn’t up for a bet. Guess I was wrong," he remarks, a cheeky smile drawn on his lips. He knows you couldn’t possibly say no now.

"Fine," you roll your eyes at his proud expression. "Prepare your wallet."

"Mm, sure," he responds, before rising from his seat once more.

That day, you both lost track of time as you studied in Limbo until it closed down. When you finally stepped outside, stretching your tired limbs, you were met with the sight of falling snowflakes.

"Nooo, go away. I don't want to watch the first snow with you," Minho whines, referring to the superstition that watching the first snowfall with someone could spark love between the two of you.

"As if I could ever love you," you laugh at the ridiculous idea, "that’d just be signing a death warrant."

You resume walking towards your apartment when suddenly something freezing and hard hits your back with enough force to make you stagger. Turning around slowly, you find Minho erupting in laughter, his body filled with uncontainable joy. He’s jumping and clapping excitedly, and for a fleeting moment, you can’t decide if your shock was from the impact or from how beautiful happiness looks on him.

Snapping out of your daze, you swiftly retaliate by scooping up a handful of snow and hurling it at him. "Now you are cold too!" you shout, while he’s still laughing uncontrollably.

Thus begins an impromptu snowball fight between the two of you. Unsurprisingly, you’re being competitive in this too, trying your best to strike each other before the other could recover. But Minho draws nearer to you, and in your desperation to win, you fall to the ground when he throws a snowball at your chest, gasping as if you’re in pain.

"Shit, did I hurt you?" Minho quickly kneels in front of you, concern evident in his voice. It surprises you for a moment- how worried he seems at the prospect of causing you pain.

But you shake that thought off and push him down to the ground, a proud smile on your face. In his fall, Minho instinctively reaches for you to steady himself, which ends up with you landing on top of him. Your faces are mere inches apart, and a soft gasp escapes your mouth at your sudden proximity.

Minho has a mole on his nose. You’ve never noticed that before.

You quickly push yourself off of him, not enjoying being this close to somebody. "Why did you drag me down with you?" you grumble, shaking off the snow from your hair.

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes," he cheekily stuck out his tongue, and you respond with the same childlike gesture before the both of you burst into loud laughter. The sound reverberates through your entire being, and it echoes in your mind long after the two of you go your separate ways.

As you lay in bed that night, ready to drift off to sleep, a quiet realization dawns on you. This was the first time you've touched snow in since your childhood incident.

That unpleasant memory didn't cross your mind once. Instead, all you thought about was Minho’s infectious laughter, and the surprising warmth it stirred within you.

✹✹✹

You came first in your grade this semester.

True to his words, Minho texted you the name of the restaurant where you’d both meet to celebrate your win. As you got ready for your outing, you couldn’t help the nerves creeping up on you. Studying in silence next to Minho was something, going to a friendly dinner with him was another. You feared it would be too awkward and Minho would regret ever proposing such a thing.

So, as you sit in the refined BBQ restaurant waiting for him, you fidget with your hands, counting down to three in your head in an attempt to steady your breathing.

You were clearly not accustomed to existing with Minho outside of the confines of your studies.

"Did you wait long?" Minho asks as he finally pulls the chair in front of you and you shake your head no.

"Are you nervous?" he chuckles at your lack of words, and you frown, suddenly feeling defensive. "Why would I be nervous? This isn't a date."

"Who said anything about a date?" he smirks and you grab your fork threateningly, pointing it at him, "Don't say anything stupid or I will walk out."

"And stand me up on our first date? That's too mean.” He pouts, a hand on his heart and you can’t help but giggle at his antics. You were ridiculous for being nervous. This was Minho, the one person you’ve talked to the most since the start of this year.

"What will you have?" he asks and you smile mischievously.

"Most expensive thing on the menu."

"So you are only here for the food."

"Well, it's certainly not for your company," you wink and he chuckles, his bunny teeth on full display.

"And here I thought we were going to be civil with each other."

"When are we ever not?" you gasp dramatically and Minho swats your hand with the menu. "Just order whatever," you finally answer," I trust your food judgment."

"I could poison you, you know?" He smiles proudly and you roll your eyes at him, "Can’t you be normal, for once?"

Minho calls over the waiter and places your orders. The food is quick to arrive and Minho starts to grill up the meat, while you cut the Kimchi into smaller pieces.

"Here," he puts the perfectly cooked rib onto your plate first and you smile at him, "Thank you."

"Eat up, don’t wait for me," he tells you and you nod, tasting the flavorful meat.

"Wow this is really good," you compliment and he smirks proudly at your words, "I know."

Minho places four other ribs for you, without eating one himself. You start to feel bad, so you grab his chopsticks, pick up the meat, and move it toward his mouth, "Open up."

"What?" He asks confused and you wave the food in front of his face, "Come on, you haven’t eaten anything."

Minho parts his lips slowly, and you feed the tender meat to him, before eating one yourself. You notice how his cheeks are slightly tinted pink now, and you account it to the intense heat of the grill.

"Oh, let's not talk about studies, my brain can't take another debate with you," you tell Minho in between bites and he grins at you, a gleam of excitement in his eyes. "If you were to dispose of a body, how would you do it?"

"I think our next celebration will be in an asylum." you smile too sweetly at him and he stares at you pointedly, "Please, I know you've already thought about it."

"Fine. Probably in a deserted land. What about you?"

"I'd cut their bodies and then bury each part in a different forest. In a different city."

His answer came too quickly, and you pause in your tracks, "Should I be worried?"

"You are too cute to kill." His tone is sarcastic and you make a show of gushing at his compliment, clasping both of your hands in front of your heart, "Growing soft on me, Minho?"

"Yeah, I’m basically sooo in love with you," he replies with a smirk and you roll your eyes at him, an amused smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

"What's your favorite color?" you finally ask, changing the subject.

"Purple."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You'll buy me purple flowers?" He coos at you and you shake your head as you grab the utensil from his hand, to grill the meat your turn.

"No. I'll paint your tombstone purple," you grin and he laughs loudly, eyes squinted close, and you can't find it in you to care that the people next to you are staring.

"What's yours?" he asks when he calms down and you shrug, "Navy blue, I think."

"You do remind me of navy blue."

"And why is that?"

"When you look at it, at first glance, it looks like black. But the more you stare at it, the more layers you uncover. Just like you. There’s more to you than what meets the eye."

You grab your glass of water, gulping it down to hide the way your eyes just glossed over. You suddenly felt bare in front of Minho. How did he know?

You clear your throat, racking your brain for a way to move on from that question. "If you were to describe colors to a blind person, how would you do it?"

"Mm," he looks up at the ceiling as he mulls over your question, "I’d say that yellow is the feeling of eating ice cream on a sunny day, in an amusement park. Your fingers are sticky but your cheeks ache from how much you smiled that day."

"Yellow is carefree and happy."

"Exact. Now your turn, red."

"I’d say that... Red is the thrill that rushes through your veins when you do something you are passionate about, you know? It’s what makes our blood boil and our heart race. The very essence of our humanity."

Minho smiles softly at your words, seemingly agreeing with your description. "Don’t you think it would be easier if we simply asked, what color are you feeling today, instead of a 'How are you'?" He questions and you tilt your head to the side, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you could say, I feel like that moss green that no one seems to pay attention to. Or, I feel bright yellow as if the world's energy is stored inside me."

"And right now, how do you feel?"

"I feel orange, not the ugly orange." He precises and you chuckle, "the orange that paints the sky when the sun is about to dip into the ocean."

"A bittersweet orange, an ending that instantly strings along a new beginning. And you don't have time to rest."

Minho places his chin on his palm, eyeing you curiously, "Is that what you want? To rest?"

"Yeah." You admit quietly, "Don't you sometimes wish that the world would just stop, for a few seconds? Just like in a song, right before the beat drops. That silence, I wish I could live inside of it."

"I do too."

You both hold each other’s gaze for a while after that. You felt as if he was keeping you captive with his brown eyes, and he was slowly peeling each of your layers, in silence, as you were peeling his. For the first time, you think that you and he are similar, more than on a studies level. There was a part of his soul that understood yours perfectly. And it felt good, to be understood, for once.

"If you lived in this silence, what would you be doing?" he asks, breaking the serene quiet that surrounded you.

"I’d open a café that had books. And there'd be a little space, where people could paint. Or do pottery. And I’d have cats in there too." You reply excitedly, hands moving around in the air, you end up missing the way Minho gazes fondly at you before his smile morphs into a smirk.

"Please tell me you won't be cooking."

"Shut up. What about you?"

"I’d be a dancer."

"You dance?!" you whisper-shout and he frowns at the surprised look on your face.

"Yeah. Why are you looking at me like this?"

"I just never expected it. Can I-"

"No." he cuts you off immediately and you pout.

"I didn't even finish."

"I knew what you were going to say."

"Please, I won't make a sound I’d just watch. Pinky promise.” He grabs your now outstretched pinky with the tip of his index and thumb, lowering it down.

"I’d only grant you this wish when you’re on your deathbed."

"Bold of you to assume you'd still be around."

"Death might be around the corner."

"Stop it."

"Close your door tonight."

"You are deranged."

Minho chuckles at the crestfallen look on your face, "I’ll think about it."

Just like that, three hours of talking have gone by, the conversation flowing easily between the two of you. And when you finally leave the restaurant, Minho grabs you a cab and you wave him off with a smile. You couldn't lie to yourself, you had a really good time with him. You liked to think that Minho was no longer just a rival, but a possible friend.

But now that you were laying in your bed, you couldn’t help but curse Minho in your brain. His repetitive talk about murder made you paranoid, and now every creak in your apartment made you feel as if death was really right around the corner.

You decide to text him, figuring that if you couldn’t sleep because of him, you could at least disturb him for a bit.

Yn : I hate you I'm paranoid from your murder talk

Minho : Poor baby

Yn : Is that you at my door?

Suddenly your phone rings, the shrill sound echoing around your apartment. It was a Facetime call from Minho. You panic for a few seconds, before remembering that you just spent your entire night with him. A call can’t be more daunting than a real-life meeting.

"See, I’m in my home," he tells you as soon as you pick up and you laugh.

"It's pitch black, I can't see."

"Just say you miss my face." You can’t see him but you can clearly hear the proud grin in his voice.

"What's there to miss?"

"Are you actually scared?" Minho asks gently and you clear your throat, feeling ridiculous all of the sudden.

"There is a tree right outside my window and it keeps rustling from the wind," you grumble and Minho laughs at you.

"Trees can't hurt you."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Close your eyes.” He instructs and you frown at his words.

"Why?"

"I’ll tell you a story."

"Fine.” You close your eyes tentatively. It’s quiet for a few seconds and you feel yourself relax slightly.

"So, I bought a sous-vide machine and-"

"Is your bedtime story going to be about meat?"

"Yes?” He replies as if it’s an evidence, “Now be quiet." You pretend to zip your mouth and Minho faintly giggles, before resuming his story. "So, I was saying. I bought one and I wanted to experience different kinds of meats. So, I bought a 30-day aged one and a 58-day aged one and I cooked them both."

"What did you use?" you ask quietly.

"Just garlic, and thyme, I didn't want to overpower the taste of meat. Anyways I cooked them, but I didn't have plastic bags so I had to go out and buy them."

"Mm," you hum in acknowledgment. You could feel your nerves slowly dissipate with Minho's every word. His story might be ridiculous but his honey-coated voice compensated for it, wrapping around you like a protective cocoon.

"And I found pudding there so I had to buy it."

"Obviously," you whisper. Sleep was knocking on your door, but paradoxically you tried to fight it off. You wanted to hear the rest of Minho’s story.

"And I went back home and I cooked it, then I plated it nicely with vegetables that I sauteed with butter and garlic. Just mushrooms and potatoes, nothing too fancy. Again, my main focus was the meat. But there wasn't a difference between the two. They tasted the same for me, for some reason. And I didn't like this because the aged one was very expensive. Maybe I was scammed. Honestly, that butcher looked kind of suspicio..."

Your quiet snores make Minho pause in his tracks, and he laughs quietly. You did end up falling asleep. He can't see your face clearly, but he can see its outline and he stares at you for a while. You look peaceful.

He goes to hang up but his finger hovers over the 'end call' button. You aren't talking, but your hums are quiet enough that they fill up the space around him. It calms him down, and he lets his head fall on the pillow, his phone lying beside him.

He closes his eyes, thinking that maybe he just found the silence you talked about earlier on.

You just made his world stop.

✹✹✹

The second semester had just started and with it the return of frat parties. You were excited at the prospect of going to one with your new friend Mina. You met her in the library when you both went to grab the same book. You quickly apologized but she waved you off, handing you the book with a huge smile on her face. She was bubbly, like a human serotonin boost, and she started gushing about how much she loved the author. You saw her again in the campus cafeteria, and she skipped towards you as if you've both known each other your entire life. That was the start of your friendship.

You walk into the frat house, both your arms encircling each other. The flashing lights of the party blind you for a moment, and it takes you a while to adjust to the loud music bouncing off of the walls. But you like it, it was like a shield from the outside world and its problems.

You feel yourself letting loose in the crowd, swaying your hips to the music. Mina spins you around and you laugh, dancing with no care in the world. It was just the both of you in that instant.

Mina spots Jeongin in the crowd, a friend of hers that she had an immense crush on. You couldn’t blame her- he was very attractive; his easy smirk and his blonde tousled hair earned him lots of appreciative looks from the people around him. But when his eyes locked with Mina’s, you found that his face morphed into a beautiful smile, that made his dimples look on full display, as if it was only reserved for her.

“Go get your man!” You shout in her ears, so she’d be able to hear you.

“What are you talking about?” She yells back, but you could see the nervous smile on her face.

“He likes you! Go talk to him!”

“I don’t want to leave you alone. We came together!” She clasps your hand in hers and you smile touched by her kind spirit.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll go to the kitchen to get some drinks. Go have fun!”

“You are sure?” She asks, her eyes darting between you and Jeongin, who was still looking at her, and her only.

“Yes! Go!” You say, gently pushing her away. Mina jogs up to Jeongin who greets her with a side hug. He quickly glances at you and you shoot him a thumbs-up, to which he grins. You loved playing Cupid.

With that, you decide to head to the kitchen to grab a drink. You pick a beer from the fridge, double-checking if the can is closed before opening it.

You lean on the countertop, sipping on your drink while you watch the crowd, humming along each time a song you knew played. You enjoyed watching people dance freely from afar, with no apparent care in the world.

You feel someone stand next to you and you brace yourself, getting ready to tell the person off if they decide to bother you. You didn’t have the energy for mindless flirting. But then, you smell the cologne that has lingered around you for the past term- Minho. You haven't seen him since your dinner. That was a month ago.

"Fancy seeing you here," he greets as he leans on the counter right next to you, his eyes fixated on the mingling bodies.

You turn around to face him, faking an outraged gasp, "Are you following me?"

"Mmm. You look nice", he compliments and you smile cheekily, "I know."

"Won't tell me I look nice too?" he smirks, leaning closer to your face. "Someone didn’t get enough compliments tonight?" You pout, placing a hand on your heart in mock concern.

"I did, but I want to hear it from you. You’re the only sensible person in this room."

"You look nice. Now leave me alone."

"Come on, I know you can do better than that", he jokes and you roll your eyes, muttering “You’re annoying”, under your breath.

Still, you comply, placing your arms on top of the counter and leaning your head on them to get a better look at him. He does the same, smiling, and you both stare at each other for a while after that.

The strobing lights dance on Minho’s face, casting enticing shadows on him. You've always known he was a beautiful man; you've looked into his eyes far too many times in your heated conversations. But this time was different, there was no cheeky smirk on his face nor a furrow in his eyebrows. He was simply looking at you, and it made a pool of warmth huddle in your belly. You feel yourself relax under his gaze, everything around you seemingly melts away.

You weren’t wrong when you thought that his eyes were like a black hole, pulling you in. But this time, you realize that you didn’t mind knowing what was on the other side. On the contrary, you longed for it.

"I like your eyes right now. They remind me of the night sky. Black, with tiny little stars littered in them," you finally say.

Minho is taken aback by your words, he wasn't expecting you to compliment him, let alone to tell him something so special. He can feel his cheeks burn red at your words, feel his heart hammering in his chest. He's afraid you can hear it too.

He doesn't know what to say, so instead he clears his throat, plastering a smirk on his face, "I heard better." He hasn't. This is the first genuine compliment he's ever gotten.

"Oh, fuck off," you laugh and he joins you. The music was loud and yet the only sound his ear seemed to pick up was your laugh.

"Are you here alone?" He asks, and you shake your head no, "Came with my friend Mina."

"Did she leave you by yourself?" He frowns and you feel yourself warm up at his worried tone. "I told her to go talk to Jeongin."

"Next time, don’t stay alone."

“Fine, Dad.” You chastise and he stares pointedly at you, "I’m serious, yn."

You take another swing of the beer before turning your body fully towards Minho. After a few beats of silence, you finally ask a question that has been on your mind for a while. "Why do you say my name this way?"

"What way?" He questions and you shrug, "Slowly. People used to always rush it but you don’t."

"Well, it’s a pretty name. It deserves to be pronounced as a whole."

You beam at his words; you smile so brightly it makes his heart skip a beat. This is the first time you’ve grinned this widely at him, no hand in front of your mouth as if to hide it. He did notice how you were a reserved person outside of class, as if you were afraid of taking up too much place. But he could tell you were slowly unraveling, growing bolder with each passing month. He wanted to tell you that if people like you spoke more, the world would be a far better place.

But he couldn't bring himself to say all of this, so he forced those bubbling words down his throat. "I’m hungry," he whines instead and you laugh at his pout. "I'm kind of craving a greasy pizza."

"Should we go buy it? You can tell Mina to come so we can walk her back."

"I’ll ask her."

You shoot Mina a text, asking her where she was and telling her about your plan. She replies that she’s with Jeongin who just offered to take her home, so you could leave without her.

"We can go." You tell him and he nods. Minho shrugs his leather jacket off, gently placing it on your shoulders. His warmth engulfs you and you sink further into it. His arm hovers around your shoulder not touching you as he leads you out of the party. He has never touched your body, you note, it's like he was everywhere and nowhere at once.

You both walk to an open parlor near the frat house, and you order a Margarita pizza to share. You sit down on a nearby bench to eat it- the night breeze too liberating to pass up on.

As you both finish eating, a cat with white and orange stripes all over her body approaches the both of you cautiously, and you pat her head softly. "Aren't you the cutest thing ever?" you coo and Minho chuckles as he scratches the cat’s chin. She purrs at his touch appreciatively, and you smile at the soft look on his face.

"Never knew you to be this gentle", you giggle and Minho shushes you, "Let's not do this in front of the cat."

"Why are you acting as if we are a divorced couple and she’s our child."

"Easy, yn. You make it sound as if you want me to marry you."

"Now you're just projecting," you chastise and he laughs, eliciting giggles from you. He had a melodic laugh, you noticed, and you always felt a surge of pride whenever you made him close his eyes and tip his head from laughter. You felt as if it's a sight only you can see.

"I have three cats", he says softly and you gasp, "Really? We spent all of our Sundays in a cat café and this is when you tell me?"

"I only tell my friends."

"So we're friends now?" You gush and he rolls his eyes at you, "I take it back."

"What’s their names?" You ask curiously and his eyes soften at your question- you could easily tell he loved them dearly.

"Soongie, Doongie, and Dori. They are rescues."

"That’s very sweet of you Minho."

"Most of my scars come from them though," he chuckles but you sober up at his words, quietly scratching the cat's ears.

"What’s on your mind?" He asks and you glance at him. It was scary how well he’s starting to know you. But it was also nice; to be known is to exist, after all.

"I just... Sometimes I wish that memories would leave physical scars on you. Because at least then, you could treat them, put a band-aid on, and watch them fade away day by day. Because when the scars are emotional, you can’t treat them, you know? And someday someone brings up a name or a place, or you smell a certain scent, and suddenly they reopen as if no time has gone by at all.”

Minho stays silent for a while, mulling over your words. You don't mind, you weren't expecting him to comfort you. You just needed to free those words from the mental prison you've held them in for so long.

"Do you know Kintsugi?" he finally asks and you shake your head no.

"It's a Japanese art. They put back together broken vases with molten gold. It represents strength despite our flaws."

"That sounds nice," you sigh wistfully and he nods.

"It is. When you look at that vase, you know that it was once broken, but it doesn't take away from its beauty, on the contrary, it adds to it. Scars, whether they are emotional or physical are there for a reason. They remind us of how we pushed through whatever life threw at us."

"Am I supposed to be grateful I survived this?" You chuckle lowly, as your hand scratches the cat’s ear. Your fingers brush against Minho’s and you hesitate for a few seconds before moving them away.

"I wouldn't say grateful for what you went through," he speaks once again, "but grateful to yourself. At the end of the day, the reason why you're still here is you. You put yourself back together," he then bumps his elbow into your side softly, "and hey, even if your scars reopen there will come a time when they wouldn’t anymore. Sometimes, it takes a while to be okay again."

This was Minho’s way of telling you that someday it wouldn’t hurt anymore. That someday you’d be okay. And you needed to hear that. You needed to hear someone else other than yourself tell you that.

"Thank you, Minho, I needed that", you smile at him and he grins back at you before his smile turns to a smirk. "I charge 15 dollars for the hour by the way."

"Oh, come on! You didn't even say something revolutionary." You are lying. Minho's words will echo in your mind long after this night- a beacon of light to hold onto.

"Oh, so now it’s no longer ‘I needed that’. Tsk," he jokes a smirk still plastered on his face.

"Okay, Mr. Therapist. I’ll pay for your coffee tomorrow, sounds good?"

"I should have you as my client more often," he winks and you laugh, head tipped back. You were grateful more than ever for his teasing, loving how it wasn’t awkward between you after your discussion.

"You are a good listener." You tell him as you stand up, dusting your pants.

"I’m good at everything," he grins cheekily at you and you roll your eyes playfully, "And here I thought we were having a moment."

You both start walking side by side toward your home when Minho speaks again. His tone is quiet as if he wasn’t sure he wanted you to hear him. "About earlier, your compliment, I mean. I suppose I didn't thank you. So, thank you," he scratches the tip of his ears and you shrug nonchalantly. "It's the truth. You might get on my ass but that doesn't change the fact you are a pretty man."

He doesn’t respond and you tug at the sleeve of his shirt playfully, "You won't tell me I’m pretty too?"

"But then I’d be lying."

"Asshole."

"Pretty," he replies without missing a beat.

You laugh loudly, hand tightly clutching your stomach and he joins you. There is a newfound lightness in your steps now. Unbeknownst to him, Minho just managed to lift a small weight off your shoulders, allowing you a brief moment of respite.

"This is me," you say when you arrive in front of your apartment block, "Thank you for walking me home."

"Of course. Don't dream of me."

"Idiot," you laugh waving him off and he does the same. "Oh, and text me when you get home safely!" you shout before heading inside.

For the second time this night, Minho is blushing profusely at your words. He sighs to himself, waiting patiently until a light turns on in your place to leave.

✹✹✹

It’s been two months since the start of the new term. You still went to Limbo, every Saturday with Minho- even when you didn’t need to study.

Sometimes you’d just grab a book and you’d both read, a cat lazily lounging at your feet. You started sitting at the same table too; you figured it was easier since one of you always pays for the other. When you have a bet, but also randomly, when you notice that the other person is feeling down and you want to cheer them up without saying anything.

That's why you bought three bubble teas for Minho in a row. He was quieter these days, you noticed. He didn’t talk to you nor did he retort back in class. It was the first time you’ve seen him this way. As if he was a simple shell of the person he usually is.

You were walking out of your Communications Strategies class, which Minho weirdly didn’t come to when you realized that it was pouring rain. You smile lightly to yourself, grateful since you thought about picking up an umbrella this morning.

As you walk through campus, everyone around you running to take shelter, you spot someone sitting on a bench, completely drenched from the rain. Their head is hung low and you frown to yourself. They would surely get a cold if they stay there.

But then the person raises their head and you quickly realize it's Minho. You jog up to him instinctively, standing in front of him and shielding him from the rain with your umbrella.

He looks up at you and you feel your heart clench. His eyes are void of emotion and he stares blankly at you. "Are you okay?" you ask and he blinks at your words, as if his brain hadn't yet registered that you were there.

"Yeah."

"You don't look like it", you tilt your head to the side and he looks down again. You have to strain to hear his next words, muffled by the rain and his mumbling, "I don't want to talk, yn."

You decide to put away your umbrella and sit down next to him on the bench. The rain falls rapidly on both of you, and you feel yourself grow cold from it.

"What are you doing?" He questions, turning to the side to look at you.

"Enjoying the rain. It is kind of stupid that we have umbrellas, right?"

"You'll catch a cold."

"I mean we always complain about the drought and then when it rains, we hide from it. But it's really beautiful."

"Stop, I don't want you to get sick."

"Well, neither do I. Let's go eat some soup. My treat."

"Yn, I don’t-"

"I thought you were smart enough to know I won't take no for an answer."

"But I-" you cut him off again. "Also, I’m doing this for me because when you order for two, they give you a lot of side dishes. Now come on."

You stand up and he looks doubtfully at you, before following suit. You open up the umbrella again and hold it over both of your heads. He has to huddle close to you, and your shoulders brush against each other. Once, twice. Not that you're keeping count. But your body is always hyper-aware of Minho’s proximity. You also notice how he silently moves from your right to your left, this way he's the one walking right next to the speeding cars. Your hold on the umbrella tightens. You were still not used to those small attentions of his.

You arrive in front of your apartment block and he hesitates. "Come up, I won't murder you I promise." You joke and he smiles lightly back at your words. Progress.

He enters your dorm and you can see him eying his surroundings. You know that if it was another time, he would have teased you about something- anything. But he stays quiet, and you find yourself missing the sound of his voice.

"Would you like to shower?" You offer and he nods, "Please."

You lead him to your bathroom and show him where the washing machine is. "Put your clothes in there for a quick wash and dry. You can shower meanwhile."

He nods again as you hand him a towel. "I'll be outside."

You quickly leave the bathroom to place the soup orders, and Minho discards his wet clothes, walking into your shower. The water is piping hot, and he leans his forehead on the cold tiles. He doesn’t move for the first ten minutes, too tired at the prospect of lifting his limbs.

Nothing particular happened. But he’d go through days when he’d quiet down because everything around him was too much. The feel of his clothes against his skin, and the sun streaming through his curtains. But it always passes. Minho was a realistic man and he knew that his emotions would regulate themselves. That’s why he didn’t like appearing vulnerable in front of other people.

But for some reason, he didn’t mind lowering his guard with you. He knew you wouldn’t judge.

He sighs, grabbing your cherry-scented shampoo and pouring it into his hands. He can clearly smell you now. The scent of your hair that always tickles his nose, whenever you are sitting close to him. Your body wash is next and he wonders if this is how your skin smells, like vanilla and jasmine, and something entirely you.

Forty minutes later, Minho finally steps out of the shower. His clothes are clean and he quickly puts them on. He dries his hair with the towel as he walks out of your bathroom towards the living room.

He finds you sitting on the ground, in front of a heater that looks close to giving up. He makes a mental note of giving you the one he has since he doesn't really use it. You changed out of your clothes too, and you are now wearing a pair of pajamas with little bunnies sewn into it. The sight almost manages to make him smile.

"Still cold?" you question when you notice him standing behind you, unmoving, and he shakes his head no.

"Good, the soup is here." You say cheerfully, pointing at the steaming bowls sitting on your table. Minho hums in reply and you stand up, grabbing the towel from his hands to place it on the drying rack.

You come back, a soft green blanket in your hands. You sit on the couch and pat the spot beside you. Minho sits next to you, and you lay the blanket on both of your laps, before handing him his soup.

You start the show you’ve been last watching, as you both eat in silence, your legs crisscrossed. You make some comments throughout the episodes. You figured that it was a safe territory, to talk about something as mundane as this. He didn't reply but you didn't mind. You weren't here to have a conversation with him. You just wanted to distract him.

You realize at that moment that Minho always looked so put together to you. But he had problems of his own too. That much was obvious. It made you feel closer to him, in a sense. You were both just trying to make it through the day.

Two hours later, you get up to grab a book, handing Minho the remote to put on a show of his own. You curl in a ball in the corner, reading where you left off last night.

"Can you... Can you read out loud?" Minho speaks for the first time in a while and you look at him. His eyes are closed, his head resting against your couch.

"Sure."

You start to read, and Minho further sinks into the couch. He feels at home here. Because the blanket is soft and the light is dim enough to not hurt his eyes. Or it could be that he smells like you, a scent so comforting he wants to bury himself in it. Or maybe it's your voice that floats through the air, slowly clouding Minho’s every sense. He feels as if he could see the words you were pronouncing dancing in front of his eyes. You enunciated each syllable clearly, making sure that no sound was forgotten.

As Minho gently drifted to sleep, he felt as if he was part of the words you read out loud. He felt as if you were treating him with the same care, making sure that he knew he wasn't invisible. At least not to you.

When you wake up the next morning, Minho is gone. And his place beside you on the couch is empty. He made you breakfast, scrambled eggs, and freshly pressed orange juice. And right next to it you find a note, "Thank you for reading to me."

✹✹✹

Minho didn't believe in having a lot of friends. He was content with the two people he had, Chan and Changbin. The latter was his high school friend, he skipped a year and ended up being in the same class as Minho. They didn't talk at first until the day Changbin dropped a book on Minho's foot. The brooding man started apologizing profusely, and that was the start of their friendship. They've kept in touch since.

Chan was his roommate at university. It's not that he particularly wanted to befriend him, but Chan was a social butterfly and he quickly managed to pull Minho into his friendly trap. He annoys Minho the most, but in an endearing way. And although Chan is older, Minho still strangely developed a soft spot for him.

And he supposes he has you too now. At first, you weren’t friends, rivals at most. He enjoyed reeling you up and having you frown at his words in your heated debates. He also liked talking to you, because your ideas were interesting and you always gave him a new fresh perceptive to see things.

That’s how he strictly saw you as, an intelligent human who he liked to debate with.

But then he started to look forward to meeting up with you at Limbo. He no longer minded the fact that you took his self-assigned table, from his high school days. And he laughed more freely with you, enjoying how you always had a witty retort sitting at the tip of your tongue.

That’s how he started to notice things that friends most definitely notice. How you have a charm bracelet you always fidget with whenever you are nervous. How you stray away from physical touch. How you scratch your eyebrow when you are deep in thought.

But also, how you seem to have an obsession with cherries. Your cherry pendant, your cherry-scented shampoo, and your cherry-tainted lips. A friend would most certainly think that your lips are like red wine-stained glass.

He remembers one of the many times when you were at Limbo, and he saw you reapply your lip tint, or so you called it. You caught him looking and he swiftly averted his gaze, but it wasn't quick enough. Suddenly you were in front of him, a tiny red bottle in hand.

"Let me apply it to you," you smiled and he pushed your head away with his pointer finger. "No."

"Please," you pouted and he couldn't help but find you adorable. You sometimes reminded him of a small kitten. But he didn’t dare to call you by that nickname.

"Never."

"If I score more than you in our environmental assignment then I will do it."

"Fine." he huffed so that you'd leave him alone.

Minho didn't study for that assignment. He blamed it on a headache, not that it's ever stopped him before. And two weeks later you were in front of him, eyebrows scrunched in concentration. You applied the lip tint gently on his plump lips, carefully tracing over his cupid bow.

Your face was mere inches away from his and he noticed how you were wearing a gloss today, for change. It was shimmering under the lights and he usually didn't like glittery things, but he couldn't take his eyes off your lips.

"All done!" you clapped excitedly, snapping him out of his haze. You then shove your phone camera into his face so he'd look at the results.

"You should be a model. Your face is perfectly sculpted," you comment nonchalantly, before sitting back in your seat.

“I know.” He replies confidently, but his hand kept fiddling with the tip of his now pink ears. He couldn't concentrate for the rest of the night.

You were his friend because he always worried if you were eating enough. That’s why he urged you to grab a bite in the convenience store near Limbo, whenever you finished up your studying late.

This was one of the many times you sat on the minuscule table outside, hot ramen bowls in front of the both of you. Minho huffed in annoyance between each bite, his bangs were getting longer, disturbing him when he leaned down to slurp his noodles.

“Here,” you stand up from your place, a hair tie in your hands.

“What are you doing?” He questions as you stand behind him. You don’t reply, silently grabbing his hair and putting it up in a tiny ponytail, this way it wouldn’t get in his eyes anymore.

“Voila,” you sit back down, resuming your eating. Minho was grateful for the dimly lit street because his entire face was burning up. Your fingers in his hair were gentle and he wondered how it would feel if you ran your fingers through it.

This was something friends think about, right?

"I’ll cut my hair tomorrow," he clears his throat. He didn't know why he told you. You certainly weren't interested in his hair endeavors.

"What?!" you yell, "Don't. Your hair is beautiful why would you cut it?"

"Because it's getting longer."

"But it suits you."

Minho also noticed how you always threw compliments his way. Not in a flirtatious way, but in a genuine one. He couldn't help but wonder what made you this way. Did you so freely give love to others because you knew how it felt to not receive it?

"I’ll still cut it."

Minho returned home; his hair still clipped back in a ponytail. Chan eyed him weirdly but he shut him off with a glare. The elastic remained at his bedside since.

He didn't cut his hair.

The moment Minho started to consider you a close friend, was when you invited him over to watch your show. You didn’t force him to open up that night, and he appreciated it, more than he let on.

That's how a week later, he finds himself walking towards your dorm again. The thoughts in his head got too much, and Chan was immersed in his makeshift studio, which meant he won't be free for the next four hours, minimum.

He didn't plan on going to you. It was late at night and you were probably asleep, but his feet naturally led him to the direction of your place.

He knocks softly on your door. He wasn't even sure if he wanted you to open. What would you think of him showing up at eleven pm? He should have thought this thro-

"Minho?" you call out, and he startles a bit, his feet already inching away from the door.

"This was a bad idea, I'm sorry," he starts to retract back but you grab the hem of his jacket to stop him. "Do you... Do you want to watch my show with me?" you ask, a soft smile on your face and he nods tentatively.

"Okay, come in," you open the door wider and Minho follows you inside. The look in his eyes reminds you of the day you found him sitting under the rain. You didn't like it, you wanted him to find his spark back, his usual demeanor. He wasn't deserving of anything but happiness.

"I’ve started a new show, this one's a bit more romantic, so don't go around imagining me as the main character," you tease and he scoffs at your words, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

He doesn't reply, but you don't mind. There was this secret agreement between the two of you, you would talk and he would listen. He needed the distraction, and you needed the company. Sometimes the line between alone and lonely blurs, and on days like these, Minho’s presence fills the void inside.

You comment on the scenes and Minho hums in reply, you watch three episodes in a row, and your eyes are getting drowsy, so you close them.

"Minho," you call out gently and he turns his head towards you.

"Yeah?"

"What color are you feeling tonight?" You ask, referencing to what he told you on your dinner celebration. That felt like an eternity ago.

"Black." You stay silent and Minho fidgets with his hands before speaking once again. "I feel a lot at the same time, too much of every color. That's why- that's why I said black."

"How can I help you feel yellow?"

"You already do." His admission came softly and it made your breath hitch in your throat. You wanted to open your eyes and look at him, but you figured it will only make him close off even more.

“Okay. Will you stay for breakfast?”, you whisper. You were very sleepy, the soft chatter of the TV and your hushed conversation were like a lullaby to you.

"You want me to?" he asks, and he sounds so vulnerable you can't find it in you to say anything but the truth.

"I do," you admit, and that's the last thing you remember before sleeping.

Your head falls near Minho’s lap on the couch, your hair tickling his exposed thigh. Minho shouldn’t feel this way, he thinks. He’s sitting on the leather couch and his feet are touching the cold floor and yet all he can feel is three strands of your hair tickling him.

He glances at you, at your now parted lips and your relaxed eyebrows. His hand hovers over your hair, but then he curls it into a tight fist. What is he doing? He thinks to himself as he drags an angry hand through his face. He sighs, before standing up and grabbing the blanket you had on the opposing chair. He gently lays it on your body before sitting next to you once again.

You told him to stay for breakfast. He’ll stay.

✹✹✹

2 months later

"Yn!" Minho shouts in your ear as he plops down next to you. You startle, dropping the book you were reading.

"I hate you," you grumble, picking up your book and he smiles cheekily at you, "No you don't."

You were laying on the grass of your campus garden, in between two classes, trying to kill the time. It was April so the weather was perfect for lying under the warm sunrays. You loved spring, it always held within it the promise of a better time.

"What are you doing?"

"I was reading before you got here and started to annoy me."

"Don't mind me. Do your thing."

"And what are you doing?"

"Enjoying the sun."

"You couldn't find any other place to do so?"

"Nope."

"You're annoying" You try to sound mad but the smile on your face betrays you. You started looking forward to any moment Minho randomly shows up throughout your day. Sometimes it's late at night when he's suddenly craving sushi and he drags you with him because if he's not studying then you shouldn't be too.

Sometimes it's during the day, when he takes you to a new garden where he found the quote "cutest cats in existence". Not as cute as his cats, of course.

Sometimes it's late afternoon when he just knocks on your door, and he's there with Chan-his roommate who sometimes joins your study sessions- snacks in their hands. You've learned that what Minho doesn't say in words, he compensates by spending time with you. And you didn't tell him but waiting for these moments has been the joy of your life for the past few weeks.

It made you feel excited- like a child waiting up for Christmas morning to discover what gifts they are receiving.

So, you resume reading, as Minho is lying next to you. You could smell his pinewood cologne and you wished you could pour his essence into a bottle and carry it with you everywhere.

You notice how the sun is hitting Minho’s eyes directly, and how his eyebrows are scrunched up at the aggression. So, you grab your book with your left hand, and hover your right one over his eyes, shielding him from the sun. Minho's breath tickles your hand and you can feel goosebumps rising through your skin.

It's as if every physical proximity with Minho made you feel hyperaware of every part of your body, and how he can lighten it with a simple breath from his part. It made you wonder what it would feel to have his hands on your skin.

As if Minho heard your thoughts, he gently wraps his thumb and index finger around your wrist, steadying your hand in place so it wouldn't strain your arm. You suddenly don't know what page you are in, too overwhelmed by the feeling of his hands on you.

His touch is very featherlight and you are afraid to move, to break the bubble you are suddenly pulled into.

"Read to me," he tells you and you gulp. You never understood why Minho enjoyed it when you read to him.

"Like my voice that much?" you tease, in an attempt to hide how affected you are. You were so close to him; it would be easy to slide down and lay your head on his chest. You wondered how his heartbeat would sound. Was it steady, or racing just like your own?

"Yeah, it's calming," he replies sincerely, catching you off guard. You didn't expect him to compliment you, and now you are racking your brain for a retort, anything to make you breathe again.

"Growing soft on me Minho?" you say, the same question you asked on your first dinner out. The first time you truly saw him, the first time you felt as if you were two pieces of the same puzzle, just waiting for someone to connect the both of you.

He doesn't reply. And you sit there, patiently waiting. His first answer came so easily, so naturally, because he was being sarcastic, "I’m basically in love with you", he told you back then. So why can't he say it again?

"Yes, I am." He finally replies and you feel your breath catch in your throat. You try to account it for your brain misguiding you. It wasn't Minho speaking, it was the rustling of the leaves and the singing of the birds that you just heard. But it was him, and now his eyes are open and he's looking at you. Your hand is still shielding his eyes and his fingers are still wrapped around your wrist. And you are suddenly feeling. You are feeling too much. You don't know what to do with those feelings cursing through your veins and you can't face them. Because they are scaring you.

"I'll just... Yeah, I’ll just read," you say quietly, too flustered by his intense gaze. You were already on the other side, you realize. His eyes pulled you in and you were stuck in there, swimming in a pool of honey.

"Out loud," he says and you chuckle, "Fine, Min." The nickname slips out of your tongue naturally and you quickly snap your head towards Minho to see if he noticed.

His eyes are closed, and there is a slight smile on his face, and you can swear that he just repeated the nickname to himself softly.

✹✹✹

You've been so sick these past days, you barely managed to go to class. Your head throbbed with pain and your entire body felt as if someone thoroughly boxed it.

You were grateful that Minho reeled down his teasing because you had no energy to retort back. He may have noticed how sick you felt and truthfully it would be hard not to. You stayed silent throughout the day, and you looked so pale, you avoided looking at the mirror altogether.

Though Minho didn't talk to you, he still silently placed water bottles and some of your favorite snacks on your desk. You'd down the water, grateful for the relief it brought your sore throat. And when you didn't touch the food, he'd immediately text you 'Eat up', followed by a simple 'Please'. Having someone else care for your well-being felt weird, but it warmed your heart beyond what words could describe.

You only came today to pass your Criminal Law mid-term, but your head hurt so badly that you weren't even sure what you wrote on your paper. The words blurred in front of your eyes and you almost slept in the middle of your exam, exhaustion threatening to take over your body.

You fucked up, badly. You haven't screwed up this much in years.

You thought that you were slowly getting better since Minho surpassing you no longer sparked an unworthy feeling within you. But apparently, you were wrong to believe so. Self-doubt crept up within you once again, and the ugly feelings it stirred slowly clawed at your throat, making it hard for you to breathe.

It was one test, and yet it reeled you back ages ago.

Tears threaten to spill out of your eyes as you hurriedly walk out of your class. You make a beeline for the library, figuring that it will be mostly empty by now.

You pull out a chair and sit on it, lowering your head down so no one will see you. Your tears are falling rapidly and you hit your thigh repeatedly. You hated how weak you felt in that instant.

"Yn?", someone calls out and you curse internally. You don't have to look up to see who it is, Minho's voice has become a part of you- you could easily recognize it between a thousand mingling sounds.

You don't want him to see you, especially not like this, weak and vulnerable and on the verge of breaking down. So you quickly slip a pair of sunglasses on your eyes, before raising your head to look at him. "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" he asks, his tone so soft it makes you want to cry ten times fold. You hated it, hated how attentive he was to you. You didn't deserve it.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just here to pick a book," you lie, abruptly standing up and heading toward the rows behind you. You desperately needed to get away from him.

You pause in front of a random shelf and then you feel Minho standing behind you. You grab a random book and he peeks above your shoulder to see it, "Economics? You hate this subject."

"Why are you following me?" you turn around attempting your best to sound mad. When in reality, your heart was brimming with hurt. You wished you could get away from your body and seep into someone's soul to feel what it's like to love yourself.

"You aren't okay," he asserts and you hate it. You hate that he sounds so sure of himself. Was it that noticeable? Were you not fooling anyone?

"I am," your voice is shaking but you are adamant about contradicting him. You couldn't let him see you. What if he runs?

"Then..." he steps forward and you take a step back until your back is against the shelf. His left arm cages your body, but his right one stays by his side. He is leaving you an opening, you realize, an outing in case you feel uncomfortable. Against all odds, you don't.

"Why are you hiding from me?" he asks, gently taking your sunglasses off your face, and placing them on the top of your head.

You don't look up at him, and he hooks his finger underneath your chin, gently raising your head. When your tear-stained eyes meet his, he frowns deeply, "Why are you crying?"

"it's nothing."

"Yn..."

"I fucked up, okay?! That was the worst test I’ve ever given in years." The tears start to flow at your words and you wipe them away aggressively. You despised crying in front of people.

Minho raises his hand to wipe the tears away for you but he quickly retracts it- you probably wouldn't want him to touch your face. It was enough that he had grabbed your wrist a couple of weeks before this. He quickly racks his brain for something to do, because the sight of your tears is making his heart ache in a way he hasn't felt before. It's as if he's feeling your emotions deep within him.

In desperation, Minho pinches your arm and you yelp, startled. "What was that for?" you whisper-shout and he raises his hands in defense, "I didn't know what else to do."

"So, you thought about pinching me?" you chuckle in bewilderment and he scratches the top of his hair sheepishly.

"I mean, it worked. Look, you stopped crying," he points out raising his brows at you proudly and you shake your head at him.

"Remind me to never cry in front of you again."

Minho grins at you before his face turns serious once again. "Look, you are the smartest person I know," he pauses, adding with a cheeky smirk, "After me of course." Which makes you giggle against your will.

"Shut up", you lightly punch his chest and he smiles. "One test doesn't define you. You always work very hard. I wouldn't lie to you."

"Mm," you hum and he frowns at your lack of enthusiasm, but still, he doesn't comment.

"No more crying," he wiggles his finger in front of your face and you roll your eyes, wiping the rest of your tears away. "Fine. Pretend as if this never happened."

"What are you talking about?" he asks as if confused, and you can't help the smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. It's as if Minho knows exactly what to say to cheer you up.

"Come with me," he tells you, gently pulling you by the sleeve of your hoodie.

"Where to?"

"I’m craving ice cream."

"And why do you need me?"

"You're craving ice cream too," he says in a matter-of-a-fact tone.

"Only if you're paying," you add with a giggle and he whines loudly, "I feel so so used around you."

True to his words, Minho takes you to the nearest ice cream parlor. It's a 20 minutes walk away and you are grateful for the distance because it helps you clear your head a bit.

Minho lets you pick whatever flavors you want, and when you hesitate between two of them, he tells the cashier to put them both into your cup. This is how you end up with a container of 5 scoops of ice cream. You insisted you'd share, and Minho begrudgingly agreed when you threatened to walk out and leave him.

You then walk to a deserted alley and sit on the sidewalk. You didn't want to be around people right now, and thankfully, Minho understood without you having to say a word.

You munch silently on your ice cream and Minho does the same, the both of you lost in your thoughts. You naturally take turns holding the freezing container, so it wouldn't numb the fingers of one of you.

When you're done, Minho stands up to throw it away in a nearby trashcan before sitting back again next to you.

Suddenly you feel him gently tapping your hand. You look down to find that you've curled your fingers into a tight fist, so much that there are crescent indents visible on your palm now.

"Let's play thumb war," he tells you and you giggle at his words. You never knew what to expect from him.

Still, as your fingers hold each other, and your thumb circles one another, you feel yourself calm down slightly. You play a couple of rounds, and you know he's going easy on you, allowing you to quickly trap his thumb down.

No one has gone to such lengths to cheer you up, and you suddenly feel so grateful for Minho’s presence in your life. You didn't care in what shape he was in, you just needed him to be in it. Which in turn makes you think how bad it'd hurt if he ever leaves.

You don't want Minho to leave. You've gotten so attached to him that the thought of not talking to him again makes your heart race in panic.

Minho notices the change in your expression, suddenly melancholic once again. Your hand has gone limp in his, the thumb war long forgotten by you.

He curses under his breath, before looking at you. "If I dance for you, will you quit being so sad?"

"Dance for me?" you repeat incredulously and he nods, "Yes. I’ll show you an upcoming choreography just... Please smile?"

"Okay," you giggle, plastering a wide grin on your face.

"Not like that you look scary."

"Get to dancing!" you clap excitedly and he rolls his eyes, standing up and looking through his phone for a particular music.

"Oh and no comment!" he looks pointedly at you, and you nod, pretending to zip your mouth and throwing away the key.

'Finesse' by Bruno Mars starts playing and you are left mesmerized by the way Minho dances. It's short but it leaves you yearning to see more. His body moves smoothly, hitting each beat effortlessly. He made it look as if dancing was second nature to him, that it came as easily to him as breathing.

You were speechless, rightfully so. You wished you could build a world where all Minho did was dance.

"That was-" you start when he stops the music but he cuts you off instantly, "I said no comment."

"But--" Minho places his finger on your mouth to silence you, seemingly not thinking too much of it. But the feel of his finger on your lips makes you dizzy. Minho quickly takes off his hand, a blush evidently creeping up his neck.

"Let's just go home," he sighs in defeat and you laugh despite the intense feelings cursing through you.

You don't know if you are imagining it but you swear that your pinkies brush against each other on your walk back. As if there was this magnetic force pulling them together. You wondered what would happen if you just linked your pinky with his. Would he grab you by the hand or will he let go of you entirely?

You were too much of a coward to find out. You were scared of messing up anything with him. So, you'd settle for this. Stolen glances and random outings. You just need him in your life.

"Thank you for today," you tell Minho once you arrive and he shrugs, as what he did wasn't a big deal.

"No, I mean it. Thank you," you repeat, trying your best to convey how sincere you were being. You take in a deep breath, before grabbing his hand and squeezing it, for a fleeting second, before dropping it again.

Minho is sure that your hand will now be imprinted into his, that the lines tracing over your palm will merge with his as one. Your touch was barely there but it had electrocuted him. He wondered to himself if his body would be able to handle more from you. But he'd gladly burn in your fires for the sake of holding you. And he'd wait, unwaveringly, as time stretches alongside the two of you. He'd wait as long as it takes for you.

"Yn, I..." he stammers, taking a step closer to you. His scent engulfs you and you shamefully close your eyes, inhaling it. When you open them again, you find Minho glancing down at your lips. You gulp, dazzled by his proximity.

"You have a mole on your nose," you suddenly speak up and his eyes snap back to yours, an adorable confusion drawn on his features.

"I like that mole," you continue and you wish you could dig yourself a hole and bury yourself in it.

"Thank you," he chuckles and you nod vigorously, "You're welcome."

"Can I ask you something?" he says and your breath hitches in your throat. "Sure."

"You don't like it when people touch you, right?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask why?"

You want to confide in him, to tell him that it’s because you long for it, you crave it so badly. That this need has woven itself into the very fabric of your being. An ache so raw that it scares you at times. You’ve never known what it feels like to be held- it was uncharted territory to you.

"Isn't everyone scared of the unknown?" you settle on saying, and he nods in understanding. Of course, he understood. No one knows you as well as him.

"It's okay. I just wanted to know if I ever overstepped my boundaries."

"You didn't," you reply instantly.

"Good. You'll tell me if I ever do, right?"

"I will."

"Okay."

"Um. I'll get going," you point behind you and Minho smiles at you, waving you off.

You walk for a few steps before coming back again quickly. You then grab Minho’s hand, gently squeezing it like before, "You are an amazing dancer."

And then you drop it, running back towards your apartment block without waiting for a reply.

Minho stays frozen in his place. You think he's an amazing dancer. And you held his hand for five seconds.

That's four seconds more than the first time.

Progress.

✹✹✹

You haven't gotten out of your house for the past three days.

Everything crashed around you rapidly, it made you realize that the ground you once stood on was only an illusion, elusive and fleeting.

You were doing well; you were getting better. But then Monday came and you went out for a walk in the park near you. As you sat there, you saw a little girl playing on the swings, delightful joy dancing across her features. But then she fell to the ground and you instinctively stood up to help her, only to notice her mother running to her.

The world stilled around you as you clearly saw it- how the little girl clung to her mother's embrace, her embodiment of hope and love. You never had that. You don’t even know what perfume your mother used because she never allowed you to get that close to her.

You stood up abruptly, quickly heading back to your apartment block. As you ran up the stairs, you ended up bumping into one of your neighbors. You were quick to apologize but they ignored you, and the feeling of being invisible came back to haunt you ten times fold.

You knew you shouldn’t have done it, you knew you should have deleted your mother’s number when she sent you away to university without a backward glance, relieved at the thought of you getting a full-ride scholarship and not needing her anymore. But you didn’t, you kept her number in the hopes that she’d call. On your birthday, on holidays, on a random Thursday to tell you that she did remember who you are.

With trembling hands, tears welling in your eyes, you dialed your mother’s number for the first time in a year. You didn’t know what you were expecting. Maybe she regrets it. Maybe she misses you. Maybe she didn’t find the courage to mend her wrongdoings and that's why she never called.

"Hello?" her voice rang through your apartment. Goosebumps erupted on your arms and your hold on the phone tightened. Her voice took you back to memories you thought you had buried. How you spent countless nights yearning to hear the sound of her voice, how you regretted it once she spoke to attack you.

You hate her. You miss her. You want to hang up. You need to ask if she's doing okay.

“Who is this?” Her voice was devoid of recognition, freezing you in your tracks. You felt as if a bucket of ice was thrown over your head, dousing the flame of hope that flickered in your heart.

She deleted your number.

You quickly hung up, placing your phone down on the table. The tears refused to fall. It was as if your body had long anticipated this outcome, leaving only your wounded soul to bear the pain.

Healing isn't linear, you've read about it in books and heard it in shows and movies. One step back doesn't mean that your entire progress is gone. You know this, you've memorized those sentences. So why do you not believe them? Why does it feel as if you can never be free from the past? Why does it feel as if you’ll always seek something out of her?

Those questions roamed your mind for the past three days, making you too tired at the prospect of lifting your limbs, let alone leaving your apartment. You sent your two friends a text, telling them that you're sick so they wouldn't worry. Not that you believed they would. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You laid on your bed in utter silence- a tense quiet that was disrupted on the third day by someone knocking on your door. You didn't know who was there; you just hoped that they'd leave you alone.

To your surprise, you open the door to find Minho, some notes in his right hand and a coffee in his left. He sends an easy smile your way. You don't smile back.

"What do you want?" your voice is cold, but Minho doesn't bristle. A cheeky smile settles on his lips as he leans on your doorway.

"You didn't come to class for the past three days, so I brought you the notes. So, you wouldn't think our competition is unfair."

"Competition," you chuckle coldly, heading inside your apartment, and he follows suit. You start to pace around furiously, and Minho looks at you worriedly. "Competition?" you repeat, the word dripping off your tongue like venom. You turn around, marching towards Minho and standing a few inches from him. "You know what? Fuck you and your competition!"

"Yn-"

"Did it ever occur to you that I never wanted a part in this competition? That all I wanted was to be left alone?" you say, growing louder as you jab your finger into his chest repeatedly. "I never wanted any of this! Do you understand? I never wanted to be this way," you shout angrily in his face.

The worried look in Minho’s eyes snaps you out of your haze. You realize that you are being utterly ridiculous lashing out at Minho, when the one person you are mad at is yourself.

Your anger quickly deflates, leaving in its trail an agonizing sadness. It's so sudden that it knocks the breath out of you, and you clutch your chest as if it could soothe the burn in your heart. Suddenly you are twelve years old again, crying in your room because you feel like no one has ever loved you.

But this time you aren't alone. Minho is in front of you, and his eyebrows are so furrowed you want to lean forward to ease the tension between them. His eyebrows, you liked his eyebrows, they were arched, and they framed his eyes nicely, and his eyes are brown and so big, and they always look at you softly and why is it getting so hard to breathe-

"Did I do something to you? Whatever it is I’m sorry," Minho panics, cutting off your frantic train of thought. But now, the weight of guilt adds to your overwhelming emotions. You shouldn't have lashed out at him, he brought you coffee and you yelled at him. Maybe your mom was right after all.

You shake your head left and right furiously, your words coming out in hiccups. Since when did you start crying? "It isn't- it isn't you."

"Then let me help you-", he steps forward, hand outstretched, but you take three hurried steps back and wrap your hands around yourself protectively. "Don’t. Please, don't."

"Why are you pushing me away?" his tone isn't accusatory. You've learned time and time again that Minho wouldn't do anything that made you feel uncomfortable.

"You won't understand."

"Then make me."

"Because I’m afraid!" the words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them. "I’m afraid if you ever hug me, I wouldn't be able to go back to hugging myself. I'd need you and I can't afford to need someone else."

You regret the words as soon as they fleet away from your mouth. He would look at you differently, he would find you pathetic and then he’d leave. And you wanted him to leave. But you also wanted him to stay. It was all so confusing.

You felt as if your being was torn between two great forces, each one of them trying to win the war raging inside you. You wished someone else would make the decisions in your place, for once.

Minho places the coffee and notes on the ground before approaching you, his palms facing up in a gesture of surrender. "I won't leave you," he says softly. "I’ll be by your side for as long as you'll have me."

"Minho..." your voice catches in your throat as you utter his name- like a broken prayer. He stands before you, his eyes shimmering like the reflection of a river on a sunny day.

"Please, let me make it better."

You nod tentatively and Minho comes even closer to you. He was treating you like one would with a wounded animal, giving you a chance to ultimately back out. But for once, you listen to what your heart has been yearning for. Your bones are aching to be held, to feel the warmth of a body against your own, to feel safe and secure.

Minho embraces you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and bringing you to him. You slowly bring your arms up and lace them around his waist. You are afraid, deathly afraid. His grip is loose, and you almost can't feel him around you, but when you lay your head on his chest, he tightens his hold on you and you instinctively let out a sob.

He's hugging adult you, the woman whose heart was once again broken by her mom. But he's also hugging little you, the girl who was craving affection from everyone around her. In that instant, Minho is hugging every single version of you that ever needed a hug.

You were right to be scared because you don't want to let go, you want to stay in his arms because they feel safe, like a shield protecting you. You can't go back to not hugging Minho.

The sensation is overwhelming and your knees buckle underneath you. But instead of holding you up, Minho falls to the ground with you, as if you are two inseparable pieces of one puzzle. He isn’t here to fix you, he’s here to break down with you and help you pick up the scattered pieces.

You think back to that night in the park when Minho told you about Japanese vases. At this moment, it dawns on you that Minho has found a way to become a part of you. He was the molten gold binding your broken parts together. He was the invisible thread stitching your wounds back together.

Who were you fooling? It was him; it was him all along.

Minho rocks you gently as you cry and cry and cry. His hand finds your hair and he plays with it as you sob. He tells you you'll be okay, you'll feel better and you try to believe him, his words wrap around your bruises like a healing balm.

"There, there, love. You are okay", he murmurs, tenderly patting your head. A fresh set of tears wells up in your eyes. Love.

"I’m sorry. I'm so sorry," you apologize as you pull away from his embrace.

"Why are you apologizing? Is it because you wet my shirt? I don't mind," he reassures you with a smile and you shake your head.

"I was mean to you and you didn’t deserve it," you explain through hiccups.

"It's okay, you weren't mad at me, were you?" he asks, wiping your tears away so gently with his thumbs, careful not to irritate the sensitive skin.

"No. Still, it isn't okay and I’m sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, don't apologize. It's okay." you look at him doubtfully and he rolls his eyes playfully, "Here I’ll even do your silly pinky promise, okay?" he laces his pinky with yours, but then he suddenly leans forward and places a chaste kiss on your thumb pad. "There, sealed forever."

You giggle faintly as a blush dusts your cheeks, "That's not how it works."

"I know."

Your giggle was far different from the ones Minho was accustomed to. It was small, and it didn't brighten up your face like usual. But he was grateful for it nonetheless. He realized how much he missed your laugh, and how all the other sounds in the world pale in comparison to it.

In that moment Minho thinks to himself that he'd do anything to make you smile again. He'd make a fool out of himself if it meant making you happy. He'd settle for a simple tug at the corners of your mouth, anything but the sadness that seemed etched in your face, as if it was blended into the colors that drew you.

You tentatively move around, before laying your head on his lap. Minho's hand instinctively finds your hair and he starts to gently play with it. It feels as if you've done this a million times before, when in fact it was the first.

There was something wildly intimate about laying on the floor with the man who just comforted you. It made you want to spill all your secrets to him, one by one, and have him hug you through them.

"Did you mean it? When you said you'll stay?" you felt so vulnerable in his hold, as if he could twist you whoever he liked. But you trusted him. You trusted yourself with Minho.

"I did. Your walls are always up. It's hard to peek behind them. But I don't want to tear them down. I want you to slowly unbuild them. I want you to do it for yourself."

To do it for yourself, it's hard to even know who you are anymore.

"I want to tell you."

"You don't need to."

"I know, but I want to."

"Okay. Take your time, kitten." he pats your head gently, and you try to sync your breathing to the rhythm of his touch. You were grateful that you were lying on his lap since you couldn't see his face. It made talking feel a little less daunting.

"On my 9th birthday... I was very excited. I'd been on my best behavior that month, trying to please my mom in the hope that, for once, we'd celebrate my birthday. Like a normal little family," you smile sadly, you were so hopeful back then.

"My birthday came, I woke up, excited. My mom was still asleep, nothing out of the ordinary. So, I made my breakfast and walked to my school. I wore my prettiest dress and put on pigtails with hair clips. It was my birthday after all," Minho smiles softly at your words, his hand now resting on your own.

"I got back home and waited for my mom to come back. She remembered my birthday, I thought. And then, she came but she didn't talk to me. So, I thought, oh a surprise party!" you chuckle, but this time the smile on Minho’s face is gone.

"It was then 11 pm, and the hope had slowly died in me. So, in my stupid innocent self, I went to my mom, and asked her "Did you forget my birthday?". And I remember... I remember the way she laughed. Cruelly. Like I had told her the funniest joke in the world. And then. Then she looked me dead in the eye and said 'I hate the fact that you are born. Why would I celebrate that?'"

Minho sucks in a deep breath at your words, and you exhale one right out. It felt comforting, to have someone else stomach the hurt for you. To take the weight off your shoulders, allowing you a few moments to breathe.

"I confronted her about it one day, but she said she doesn't remember saying that. It's funny how it was a random Thursday for her, but for me, it shaped my life." you smile bitterly, "I remember how jealous I was of the way the other kids talked about their mothers. They said the word so lightly. It must have reminded them of sunshine and ice cream and rainbows. But for me, it held an uncharacteristic heaviness to it. I grew to hate the word."

"I drove myself crazy, Min", you whisper and he brings you closer to his body, "was it me or was it her? When did it start? Was it because I was too loud as a child or maybe too quiet? Did I not cater to her fantasies of a kid? I wanted to remember every single thing that happened throughout my childhood, thread through every single memory. I tried to pinpoint the exact moment my mom stopped loving me."

Minho squeezes your hand tightly in his, and you feel as if he was pulling you away from the memory that had long trapped you. You were now watching it unfold from outside of the window, your hand in his, safe from the hurt it had inflicted on you.

"It's not you. It could never be you. Some people are simply not fit to be parents. It's never their kid's fault."

Minho tries his best to keep his touch soothing, to make his voice sound as soft as possible. But he was angry, he was so angry at the world for not taking care of you when you were younger. His heart broke, thinking of 9-year-old you being told such cruel words.

He wanted to turn back time and tell you that you were enough. He wanted to make the pain that seemed so anchored in you float back to the surface, and dissipate like sea foam meeting the shore.

But he couldn't do that. All he could do is comfort present you.

Minho gently pulls you up from his lap, making you sit upright. He crisscrosses his legs and you do the same. Your knees brush against each other and you feel a shiver run down your spine. You didn't know that even knees could emanate such warmth.

"Yn, look at me. The world wouldn't be the same without you in it," he cradles your face between his hands, "You hear me yn? I’m so thankful you exist."

His doe brown eyes are sincere, and it made you want to believe him badly. That's a good start, right?

"I’ll be back," he tells you, letting go of your face and standing up.

You hear Minho rummaging through the kitchen and you take the time to calm yourself down. Sharing those parts of you with Minho felt therapeutic. As if you were healing parts of your inner child. You have never talked about this with anyone before, maybe this is why it still hurt as badly.

Minho comes back five minutes later, his hands behind his back. You raise a brow at him inquisitively and he just smiles secretly at you. "Close your eyes," he tells you and you giggle, doing as he says. He crouches in front of you, and you hear him shuffle in his place for a bit.

Then, "Open your eyes yn," and you find him, in front of you, a cupcake you had stored in your fridge in his hands, and a makeshift candle lit up. "Happy 9th birthday, love. You did well."

You stare at him in utter bewilderment. You couldn't believe your eyes. How could this man be so thoughtful? He was wishing you a belated birthday, to compensate for the 9th birthday you didn't celebrate.

You panic, at the look in his eyes. You've never seen it, never dared to dream of it, of someone caring for you unconditionally. So, you try to scare him, to push him away. You didn't want him to regret knowing you.

"There are things I need you to know um", you chuckle nervously, "When I... When I throw up, I hold my hair, and when I’m sick I nurse myself back to health, and when I have a nightmare I- I hold my hand in the dark. It will be hard for me to hold yours instead."

"We'll start a finger at a time, yeah?"

"It will take time."

"I have time," he speaks easily, as if loving you was effortless and not a strenuous task. You couldn't fathom it.

"You are too busy-", he cuts you off instantly, "Not for you."

"The world doesn't stop because we need it to." Your voice is quiet; this is your very last try. You are tired of fighting. You are putting down your armor and waving a white flag.

"We'll make it stop. Here, the two of us. On this floor. We'll take as long as we need to."

"I never deemed you as an optimist", you smile a little, a hint of teasing in your tone.

"I’m not," he pauses, gazing down at the cupcake between his hands and then at you. "But I feel that we deserve a bit of happiness together, don't we?"

"We do."

"Then make a wish."

You close your eyes for a few seconds, before blowing on the candle.

"What did you wish for?" he asks a fond smile on his face.

The answer came naturally to you, you didn't even need to think about it. "I wished for you."

Minho's lips come crashing down on yours, and you imagine that this is what it feels like to see colors for the first time. To discover a new world beyond the one you've always known.

The kiss isn't urgent nor feverish, it is one of comfort. Your lips spilling the words you have not yet said to each other. "I love you," he kisses you, "I love you too," you kiss him back. "I need you to stay," you swipe your tongue across his bottom lip, "I’m never leaving you," he opens his mouth allowing you entrance.

As you kiss him, you remember a fact you once learned in high school. The human body possesses seven trillion nerves. And for the first time in your life, you feel as if each of these nerves is alive. You feel that even the smallest atom is electrocuted with Minho’s love and it’s all you know within you.

You feel as if the pain, the hurt, and the ache you've been through are slowly unraveled, and in their place, a timid happiness is starting to bloom. You imagine that when Minho’s lips met your own, the seven trillion nerves inside you exhaled in relief 'We've made it', they said, 'we'll finally be okay.'

Epilogue

You've always thought that epilogues were useless. How can you resume the rest of your life in one sentence, boil down the rest of your existence in mere pages? Because life doesn't stop at the epilogue, and a new book can start once again, right where you left it off.

But with Minho, you didn't mind an epilogue. On the contrary, you longed for a soft one. You wanted to rest on this last page, you wanted to lay your worries on the words and tuck them into the syllables. And you wanted to wake up anew.

And this wasn't the end of your story with Minho. A lot happened after it. But it didn't worry you, because epilogues are about the one thing that doesn't change throughout the long march of time. And luckily for you, that constant was Minho’s love for you. From that day he held you, he has never let go.

It took time, for his warmth to seep through your bones. It took time, for your heart to forget the cold. But you wanted to do it. With him. You wanted to love and be loved.

The sound of cats mewling fills your apartment, pudding can always be found in your fridge and you haven't felt invisible in years.

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jnnul · 7 months

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ric flair drip

a/n: oh my god. it's finished. i've finally written all of her. i genuinely don't know how to explain the relief i feel right now. it feels strange writing this after writing and healing myself through writing this. i hope that anyone in college who's feeling the way y/n or jaehyun did knows that you can and will grow from it. heartbreak is inevitable and so is growth. quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 20k

tags: college au!, frat boy!jaehyun x girlboss!y/n, honestly it just a dissertation about modern love and how people nowadays love each other, there's a lot of soul searching in this one, i poured my heart and soul into this please love her the way i do warnings: mentions of sex, underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also explicit mentions of oral sex, uhhh foreplay and sex

HONESTLY, NOTHING ABOUT JUNG JAEHYUN IS REMOTELY APPEALING TO YOU. you hate the perfect boy act he puts on, you hate his need to impress everyone and everything, and you really fucking hated his dick.

because if it wasn't for his dick, which you were sure is just as perfect as the rest of his stupid self, you wouldn't be awake at inhumane hours, listening to your friend recount their sexcapades.

"oh my god, and then he did this thing with his tongue and i swear, i'm literally never going to be able to have oral again. he's fucking ruined me. i'm genuinely going to just make every guy i fuck put a jaehyun mask on from now onwards just to recreate it," sia yoo, unfortunately one of your best friends, quips dreamily. she yelps when roseanne park, your roommate and singular other voice of reason, throws a pillow at her.

"you sound like a fucking psycho. as in needs to be checked to a mental facility psycho. as in if i hadn't heard worse when you got with johnny suh, i'd be calling the cops right now psycho," roseanne says and easily ducks when sia winds up to throw the pillow back at her. fatima khan, sia's roommate and mother friend extraordinaire, pouts sympathetically with sia as the two of them turn to you as if you would fall on their side.

"sia, baby, honey, love and light of my life - i'm really sorry but i'm with rosie on this one," you say and sia puts on the most theatrical frown you she possibly could before she cocks her head curiously.

"rosie's got a reason for judging jaehyun since she doesn't even like men all that much. what's your excuse, y/n? you like men, judging by the way you were getting railed to next week by that freshie park seonghwa. you've never gotten dicked down by jaehyun."

you're half-tempted so tell sia that it's not fucking weird that you got with seonghwa, considering the fact that you're only a sophomore yourself but you're even more tempted to remind her that even though you were no stranger to a good time, you never recount your stories.

in fact, the only reason why the other three (well, you suppose rosie would know regardless given that you literally live with her) know about your sex life is because you choose to tell them whenever you felt like it. and usually, it was more than three days after the encounter.

you loved your friends, you really did - and sia was notorious for getting into one night stand rehash sessions at ungodly hours, so this was nothing new - but for some reason, every time jaehyun's name came up in the conversation, your skin would prickle with irritation.

maybe it was the fact that every single person around you seemed to be infatuated with him. or the fact that he was just so effortlessly good at capturing the attention of everyone in the room, no matter where he was.

or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you knew that if you looked too closely into the deep end, you'd fall right in with no life jacket. and jaehyun was an endless ocean.

+++

maybe you had given jaehyun too much credit, you lament. maybe jung jaehyun's as deep as a fucking kiddie pool. you know you're wrong because you were in the same english literature class and the man had been published because the professor liked his prose so much, she had submitted it to a literary journal.

and they had accepted it.

but as you stare at him across the lecture hall, burning holes into the poor guy's skull, you sure think he's stupid. because there was no way in fresh hell that jung jaehyun was in an introduction to east asia class. as a south korean.

people begin settling into their seats as you mull over the possibility that jaehyun had fucked so much, his brain had fallen out through his dick. from the stories of his more than above average size, it was definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

just as you're send a very judgmental text to fatima, who was supposed to be taking the class with you but had had to switch last minute when one of her major required classes opened up, jaehyun gets out of his seat to stand at the front of the room, next to the professor.

you realize belatedly that the people jaehyun had been so animatedly speaking to were none other than bambam and ten - two people who most definitely were in this class. and of course, they had chosen this class over all the others because oh my god, jung jaehyun is the uta for this class.

in hindsight, it makes sense, given that jaehyun is a east asian studies minor and a stellar fucking student. but it doesn't make the text you were about to send fatima any less humiliating as you realize your attempts to undermine his character were desperately failing. you try to backtrack on your phone, deleting the winding paragraph you were about to send her when your thumb slips, accidentally sending a half written message.

you: jaehyun is fucking

you're sure the statement will be true within the next couple hours (the jung bed at the nct frat never seemed to stay empty for too long - and that was just from orientation week last week) but it felt almost blasphemous that you would send a text so crude to your friend when you insisted that you couldn't stand his guts.

or what lay between them, really.

three gray dots appear on your screen as you half-heartedly listen to your professor drone on about how he went to china, became a changed man, and now taught about the wonders of east asia and its exoticism. his name was paul but the class could refer to him by his 'enlightened name' - lao ma. even jaehyun rolls his eyes behind the professor's back as all of the asian kids in the classroom begin to eye each other warily.

if this class wasn't so easy, you're sure the population would've shrunk to a quarter its size based on the weirdness of the professor on its own. or maybe not, if it meant that people got to stare at jaehyun's gorgeous face for an hour and a half every monday morning.

mommy tima 🤍: honey, i think whatever sia's got going is contagious. mommy tima 🤍: aren't you the one who hates him? mommy tima 🤍: he really lives in your mind rent free, huh.

you scoff under your breath as you type furiously, vaguely registering that you definitely need to check the syllabus for this class later because you have not been listening to a word the professor has said this whole time.

you: first sia's got cooties or a raging std that's what she's got going you: second he's my fucking uta you: as in i am going to be forced to see his face for an entire semester mommy tima 🤍: drop the class then, babe. you: can't this is too good for my gpa & the prof's a freak you: it's a gpa cushion and a circus in one go

you tuck your phone away when you see that jaehyun is coming up the aisle on your side with a packet while the professor is on the other aisle on the other side with the same packet to hand out. jaehyun probably wouldn't care that you had your phone out during lecture (syllabus week was just an excuse for college kids to get drunk during school days anyway) but it was the principle of the thing.

"here you go - oh, it's stuck together," jaehyun says as he stops at where you're sitting. his tongue slips out as he thumbs at the packet to give you one instead of three and suddenly, your treacherous brain takes you back to sia's rambling the night before.

and then he did this thing with his tongue...

you're shaken back to reality when you realize that you're staring at a blank wall, with a pink packet in front of you, and jaehyun has already reached the back of the classroom.

fuck. shit. bitch.

jaehyun had seen you stare at his stupidly handsome face and then some. he was your ta. oh my god, what if he docked points on some test because he thought you were the creepy stalker type.

damn you, sia yoo, you curse in your head.

+++

"damn you, sia yoo!" you yell over the blaring music that's so loud, you can feel the vibrations in your skull. there absolutely no reason you should be caught dead in a frat on the friday of syllabus week but sia had made it her mission to make sure you had a going out rate of at least 80% this school year, given that you were prone to trying to skip out on weekends out last year.

not that you didn't like going out - you actually really liked going out with your friends. you just took a little more inertia to get to the energy levels of actually going on.

sia just nods at you lazily as she bounces to the beat of another shitty remix of 'what you came for' by calvin harris and rihanna. you never understood why frats always found the worst remixes of classic party bangers but anything flew after you had enough alcohol in your system so the music would recede to the depths of your mind in a couple cups of whatever the fuck this drink was.

especially since you were a full sunshine drunk; whenever you were drunk, you became the life of the party and would always be found in the center of the room, regardless of the music. sia was a flirty drunk and you really couldn't remember the last time sia actually spent the entire weekend in her own bed. props to her stamina, honestly.

rosie was a mix of you and sia in that she would become so much more bubbly but the second she found someone she wanted to spend the night with, she went after them with no hesitation.

fatima usually played the role of sober mommy when you all went out. although she was never one to miss out on a good time, when she did get drunk, she much preferred it to be within the confines of the four walls that she shared with her roommate and the people she trusted the most - you, rosie, and sia.

which is why when rosie abandons you for her on again, off again fuck buddy (miyeon cho) and her fuck buddy (yugyeom kim), you're not surprised at all.

"that's going to be an interesting story in the morning," you say, nodding to where rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom are all heading upstairs together. fatima nudges you to look at sia, where she's pressed up against none other than johnny suh (or the love of her life, prior to jaehyun, apparently).

"that's going to be an interesting story in the afternoon," fatima counters. you turn to her with furrowed eyebrows, as if to question the timing. "i don't think i've ever heard of a girl leaving johnny's bed before 3 o'clock the next afternoon."

your jaw hangs in shock as you watch your friend wrap her arms around the tall man's neck, whispering something into his ear when he bends down to kiss her collarbone.

"are all of the nct boys secretly porn stars or something? how can they all be that good in bed?" you gape, waving at sia when she turns around to wink at you and fatima as her and johnny are bustling out of the door, undoubtedly to the nct frat house.

"they test us as part of rushing," says a low, velvety voice behind you. a hot rush of shame runs up your spine for two reasons: a) you were able to recognize jung jaehyun just from his voice and b) he heard you gossiping about his frat brothers' sexual prowess.

you exchange a look with fatima before whipping around to meet jaehyun eye to eye. he's wearing a plain black t-shirt and lightwash distressed jeans but he might as well be wearing designer trash bags for all you care. what you do care about, unfortunately, is the almost slutty way his v-neck dips to show off the beginnings of the planes of his chest.

you feel no better than a victorian man and it takes fatima a poorly concealed cough to break you out of your thoughts. fuck, you'd done it again. you really needed to stop getting caught up in jung jaehyun's pretty face. and body. and that stupid smile.

"haha. very funny. sounds like something straight out of a cheesy porno sponsored by viagra or something," you say, rolling your eyes. smooth. very smooth. normally, you like to think that you're proficient in the witty banter department but something about this boy made you almost feel dumb about your comebacks.

jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, and you're distinctly made aware that even with platform sneakers on, jaehyun is a good head taller than you when you have to look upwards to notice the motion. "you seem to be well versed, y/n. you make it a habit to stay up to date?"

you flush at the thinly veiled euphemism at your x-rated movie watching habits before clearing your throat. "i'm more of a fan of practical study, really. i am a scientist, after all."

you're aware that fatima has slipped away from you to talk to another friend, park jeonghwa, and also the fact that you are slowly beginning your descent into drunkenness but you can't seem to bring yourself to find the caution in it all. it's just jaehyun, after all.

jaehyun hums, bringing the solo cup in his hand to his lips to take a swig. "you're a biomedical engineering major, aren't you?"

you balk at that. "wait, wait. you know my name and my major?"

jaehyun nods slowly, seemingly stumbling for a moment before he gains his self-confidence once more. "you don't know mine?"

"you're literally my ta. i know you're an east asian studies minor and your name because you told the class," you say, recovering quickly. it was a really good thing you were a quick thinker because you were lying through your teeth.

you knew jaehyun's name, minor, and even major (computer science) because of his notorious reputation, not because he was your ta. but the last thing you wanted was to give him the satisfaction of asserting his popularity on campus.

"anyway. what was that you were saying about 'practical study'?" jaehyun's eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of the cramped basement you were in and you had a feeling that if you were any more inebriated, you'd be diving headfirst into jung jaehyun's bed as long as he looked at you like that.

but fortunately (unfortunately?) you're sober enough to make mostly intelligent decisions - which just means that you're not going to jump headfirst. maybe feet first but not headfirst.

"wouldn't you like to know," you sing-song, leaning into jaehyun's body enough to smell the mix of woody pine, fresh water, and vodka that seems to emanate from him. jaehyun watches you as you lean over him to grab another solo cup from the assortment that some lower ranked frat brother had been forced into bartending.

you down the entire drink in two swigs, patting away the stray stream of alcohol that had dripped down onto your chest. you don't notice the way jaehyun's eyes follow your hand down its descent to your chest. but you finally feel like your element, and in a moment of sheer idiocy and liquid courage, you enter the growing throng of bodies behind you, beckoning jaehyun to follow you.

you're not 100% sure what you want from him, honestly. you want to have a good time, and you're sure you'll have one with or without him. but something about the way jaehyun follows you like a puppy into the mess of people makes you feel like a zap of electricity has hit your body.

and if you're being completely honest with yourself (as you usually only are with ethanol in your system), you really didn't hate jaehyun. you had no qualms with him as a person, even if you hated the consequences that came with a night with him.

it's when you're in the middle of the crowd, with jaehyun looking at you with those hooded eyes and hands tucked into his pockets when you realize what you want from jaehyun jung.

you want him to desire you the way that his mere presence makes people desire him.

so you do what you do best and just let go. it's ric flair drip by metro boomin that's playing - a song that's definitely not the one to get down to. but the bass fills you up in a way that never hits the same outside of a sweaty frat basement so you can't even bring yourself to care.

"i'm tryna fuck you and your bestie," you sing along with the near hundred people surrounding you. jaehyun is still looking at you with an eyebrow sitting higher and an appraising expression; something that somehow manages to get under your skin.

in a moment of passion, you manage to hook your fingers into one of jaehyun's belt loops, pulling him closer to you. you're aware that you've painted yourself to be jaehyun's next conquest if the way that the girls next to you look upset means anything, but you couldn't care less.

especially when you're this close to the bane of your existence. the song switches to something a little more what you need (under the influence by chris brown) and you look up at jaehyun through your lashes and in that moment, jaehyun knows what you're offering him through your gaze.

a challenge.

+++

jaehyun never really meant to take on the role of nct's resident whore. in fact, jaehyun had been planning on doing the exact opposite when he came to college.

although it was unbelievable now, jaehyun jung had originally just been a very strange, nerdy, and sweet boy. he never got up to much trouble, kept to himself most of the time, and was known for...nothing, really. he was sweet and bubbly but he wasn't exactly running with the popular crowd.

in fact, jaehyun was kinda forgotten all throughout his schooling. it was easy to forget about jaehyun, as though he were some visage in a dream that everyone shared.

it hurt.

so when jaehyun finally hit his growth spurt in senior year, started going to the gym, and his voice no longer cracked every other sentence, he felt like a whole new person. like he was finally the main character in his own life.

it felt so fucking good to look at the same girls who had smiled at him pitifully and have them melting under a single wink. the summer between high school and college had been wild, with more stories than jaehyun could really even care to keep track of.

but when college began, jaehyun was fully intending to return to flying under the radar with his new upgrade in personality, appearance, and wardrobe. with a face like his, however, doing so was about as easy as trying to pass professor yoon's intro to bio class - nearly impossible.

slowly but surely, jaehyun morphed back into the personality he had adopted that summer and surprisingly, it wasn't as foreign as he thought. he was still a good student and wasn't a stranger to having to skip out on hanging out with his friends to study.

but having a new girl in his bed every other day? that was definitely new. a new revelation, but a welcome one nonetheless.

and in that, jaehyun was used to people using all sorts of tactics to get with him. playing hard to get, with coy smiles and flirtatious winks. or the bold ones, who told him straight up that they wanted to spend the night with him. even the downright horrifying ones who tried to pretend like they were blackout drunk in hopes that that would 'attract' him. spoiler alert? it didn't.

jaehyun originally thought you were of the 'hard to get' caliber. the type of girl to say that she wasn't like other girls and that's why he should get with her instead. so initially, when he approached you at the party after seeing you in his class, he was mentally preparing himself for the whole pick me speech.

but it was something about the way you looked at him.

it was like two halves of your mind were battling against each other. on one hand, you looked like you wanted to fax jaehyun straight into the fiery pits of hell with high speed shipping. on the other, it also seemed like you wanted nothing more than to ride him until the sun came up. mixed with a little bit of curiosity, confusion, and downright anger with yourself for all the emotions, you looked like the perfect cocktail of firebrand that jaehyun couldn't help but become intrigued by.

so when you were laughingly talking to your best friend (jaehyun's frat brother kun was half in love with fatima, which meant that jaehyun was more than well acquainted with her) about him and frat brothers, he took it to be the opportunity he needed.

and when you're looking at him like this, daring him to make a move, almost as if to make your mind fall one way or another about drawing a conclusion on him, what is jaehyun to do but to make good on the challenge you've offered?

he watches you for a moment more, trying to commit the memory of what you look like when you're this carefree and happy, before taking the micro-step it takes to get so close he can smell the citrus and apple cider that you seem to always smell like.

"i promise you i can fuck you better than johnny," jaehyun says, a corner of his lips tilted up as your eyes flutter the closer he draws.

"johnny's your 'bestie'?" you say, and jaehyun can tell that the last threads of your resolve are starting to snap by the way that your hand is now pressed against his chest.

"that's what you're curious about right now? the dynamics of the nct frat brothers?" jaehyun asks but he knows that this back and forth is exactly you need right now; the time to decide if you can take the plunge. or if jaehyun's worth your time tonight.

"as i mentioned, i'm a scientist," you say, and even as your voice stays stable, your fingers seem to leave burning trails against jaehyun's skin as they dip and feed into crevices of jaehyun's body that he didn't even know existed.

"hmm," jaehyun manages to eke out when your fingers lace into his hair. he's not sure how you manage to find every single sensitive spot he has but he's fairly impressed by the way you catch his breath hitching as you work your other hand up as well.

"hmm? cat got your tongue, jaehyun?" you say, making sure that jaehyun looks straight into your eyes as you lean impossibly closer. "you know that sia's with johnny right now, right? girls talk - especially with your best friends. which means that if you can't make good on your promise, i will find out."

jaehyun feels like he's sweating like a pig but thankfully, you don't notice, too busy making him sweat. he clears his throat once, and then twice to make sure that his voice doesn't give out.

"that right?" he says, and you roll your eyes, letting go of him and stepping back. you seem to appraise him for a moment (and jaehyun is unnaturally nervous about what you will decide) before grabbing his hand and leading him to the door. you only pause to flag down fatima, who takes one look at your intertwined hands, and waves the two of you away.

jaehyun blushes like a schoolgirl at the way fatima flashes him a catty smile.

"i swear to god, jaehyun, if you're all talk and no game - or if you're gonna sit still and look pretty the whole time - i will literally blue ball you. i don't do pillow princes," you throw over your shoulder as the two of you make your way to the nct frat. jaehyun knows for a fact that the nct frat will not be a quiet place tonight by the number of dresses and pants he sees in the foyer and leading the way up the stairs.

he says nothing, even as you're quite nearly storming up the stairs with a certain level of urgency, almost as though if you were to slow down and think about just exactly what you're doing, you'd turn around and leave right now.

jaehyun definitely can't let that happen.

so the second that he gets you into his bedroom (he had to rock, paper, scissors with doyoung to get the room tonight), he shuts the door and locks it behind him. he turns around to see you looking between the two beds, as if trying to guess which one was jaehyun's.

he mentally pats himself on the back when he sees the fresh sheets on the bed. reaching where you stand in less than a stride, jaehyun turns you so that you're facing his bed, and you squirm to turn to meet his eyes even as his hands are on your waist.

"what is with your hands?" you ask harshly and jaehyun blinks as he looks down.

"what do you mean? they're on your waist," jaehyun says softly, and once again, he's hit with a wave of citrus and apple cider. you simper at him, grabbing his wrist and moving it incriminatingly downwards.

"what am i? a virgin? put them somewhere useful." you whisper the last part and it's as though jaehyun has just woken up.

"you know," jaehyun begins, sliding his other hand downwards to sit comfortably on the curve of your ass. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were trying to rile me up. i wonder..."

he doesn't finish his thought, instead pulling you close so that your hips are pressed against his. he can hear the gasp that you're desperately trying to conceal, coughing uselessly to the side. a devilish smirk grows on jaehyun's lips and for the first time in a long time, you're sure you're going to be up all night.

+++

you were, in fact, trying to rile him up. you had heard all the rumors about jaehyun and johnny, about how one night with them was like one night in heaven. hell, you'd had first hand accounts from sia yoo about exactly what it's like to be in bed with either of them - multiple times.

so when jaehyun had fronted with such a cautious attitude when he realized what you wanted, you were almost offended. if you wanted to take control and fuck a man's brains out, you could do that with anyone. why would you fight against your own mind this much to get with him?

but seonghwa park. changkyun im. even kun qian, before you discovered he was head over heels for fatima. jung jaehyun.

these were all people who put you in your place. the way you wanted to be. it just seemed as though jaehyun might've needed a little more persuasion to get there.

so yes, you were riling him up. was that such a crime?

by the way jaehyun's looking at you right now, his breath hot and heavy on your neck and his eyes dark with a feeling that you can't describe but resonates with you on a deeper, more primal level.

"you know, after you got with kun, he wouldn't shut up about it for a week," jaehyun says, pressing kisses down your neck, pausing when he reaches your breastbone. he eyes your corset top with a discerning eye before reaching behind you to pull the lace strings that were precariously holding your top for a week.

"yeah?" you ask, threading your fingers through jaehyun's thick hair as he makes quick work of your top, leaving it pooled on the floor as his lips find your chest as though he couldn't be physically parted from it.

"yeah. even after he met fatima, he said that you were the best he's ever had - that's a big reputation to live up to when you're in nct," jaehyun says, his voice breathy and deep as he walks you backwards so that the back of your knees hit the frame of his bed.

"hmm. what can i say? i know what i want and what i want is usually lots of fun," you say, letting jaehyun unzip your jeans, pulling them down and kicking them off when jaehyun moves too slowly.

"i know. god, after knowing that you and kun were going at it, i swear everyone was jerking off in their room for an hour. even winwin wanted to go for you today. you're an unpredictable woman; no one knows where and when you're going to show up to one of the parties so everyone has to take their chances when they get them," jaehyun says, tugging his shirt off and throwing it somewhere behind him carelessly.

you nearly melt when you see jaehyun's uncovered top, eyeing each and every hard ridge of his body, reaching out to touch him. his chest is almost soothingly warm as your fingers memorize each and every aspect of the planes of his chest, almost worried that they might disappear if you let go.

jaehyun looks at you amusingly as he lets your fingers dance across his body, focusing on tugging your panties off to discard them where he's sure he's going to have to search for them later on.

you pout when you see the difference in clothing but jaehyun just gently pushes you backwards so that your back is against his bed, leaving your pussy exposed in away that makes you feel absolutely mortified. you move to gain some level of privacy back but jaehyun is too fast, gripping onto your thighs incriminatingly as he raises an eyebrow.

"don't think that i'm soft just because i'm being nice to you now, pretty girl. i know you don't like to listen but don't hide from me. i will not let you have any fun if you try to hide from me," jaehyun says, his voice dropping a full octave. you suppress the shiver that runs through your body (and that simultaneously delights jaehyun) as you nod softly.

he seems satisfied by the way your body melts and rewards you for your submission by licking a wet strip up your pussy, one hand snaking up to touch your nipple while the other one keeps your thighs open.

jaehyun is slow at first, exploring each and every hidden crevice of your body but as he feels you get wetter and wetter, he can't seem to stay soft for too long. he continues to press his lips against yours but the moment you try to grind your hips against his lips, he pulls away, his tongue darting out to taste your essence on him.

you almost whine at the loss of his hot mouth on your pussy, and you're embarrassed to realize that in front of jaehyun jung, you are no better than your best friend in falling in love with the way he moves.

"you're not going to cum from my tongue, baby," jaehyun says, practically ripping the belt out from where it was caging his jeans. "especially when i know that your pussy is magic."

"you say that, jaehyun, but you're being so fucking soft. if i didn't know any better, i'd think you're in love with me," you snort, trying to catch your breath. jaehyun freezes from where his boxers are hanging so low on his hips, you can see the muscles in his pelvis tense angrily as he looks at you dangerously.

"my fucking bad for making sure you're wet enough to take me," jaehyun whispers, pulling close to you. his eyes turn even darker than usual and a small spark of excitement ignites in your chest when you realize that you've finally reached it - jaehyun's breaking point.

"sounds like you're scared, jaehyun. you know what? you know why kun was so good? because he wasn't scared. he wasn't scared to fuck me like he was trying to break the bed," you retort, and saying kun's name is when jaehyun finally snaps. he tears his boxers off as he pushes you so that you're further up on his bed.

"y/n, i'm not fucking joking around. if you want me to stop, say it now. just say the word, and i'll pretend like this never happened. because i swear to every god in existence, if you let me, i'll ruin every other man for you," jaehyun says and his knuckles turn white from how hard his clenching his fingers to keep himself from pouncing. the thought is almost cute if you weren't desperate to be fucked into next week.

"if i wanted you to stop, i wouldn't have said kun's name, would i?"

that's all it takes. no sooner do the words leave your mouth, jaehyun's on top of you, every inch of his body fighting to claim yours. he's not sure what it is about being with a bratty girl but every time a girl tries to challenge him, jaehyun can feel his excitement grow as his mind runs wild with ways to prove you wrong.

and with a girl as beautiful and sexy as you? he was going to have the time of his life.

time of his life he does.

+++

when jaehyun wakes up, he's almost happy. almost because he has bruises on his hips from how hard he had pounded into you, a litter of hickeys across his chest, and freshly washed hair from when you had enticed him into taking a shower with you.

inevitably, it led to another hour in the shower that jaehyun had spent having his soul sucked out from his dick, eating you out under the shower, and seeing you cum twice just from his tongue.

if only he had woken up with you still in his bed, jaehyun would've actually been happy.

realistically, jaehyun had no clue what he was expecting. after taking a shower, it had taken you a total of five minutes to fall asleep in his arms, wearing nothing but jaehyun's oversized t-shirt and your panties.

there was no pillowtalk, no heart to hearts, nothing. no discussions of having whatever happened last night happening again. no trying to get to know each other better.

not that you had ever been obligated to do so. if anything, jaehyun was far more obligated to do so, after practically declaring that he had wanted to get with you since last semester - which he had been completely serious about.

but with his reputation, regardless of what he had said last night, jaehyun's almost 100% sure that you would've disappeared by the morning.

he's so caught up in his thoughts that he almost misses the bright pink post-it note on his neatly folded shirt on his desk in the corner of the room.

9.5/10. if you see sia, tell her she was right about your tongue. see you in intro to east asia on monday.

jaehyun's half disappointed and half happy. disappointed because you'd never left your number or anything and happy because at least he knew that you weren't going to completely avoid him whenever you ran into each other next.

he shakes his head as he folds the post-it note and throws it in the trash can next to his desk.

jaehyun jung may not have started college with the intention of becoming the resident fuckboy but he still had a reputation to maintain. he had fucked countless women over his time at sm university and he had no intention of falling for any of them.

he was not about to get soft-hearted or soft-dicked by a girl he was with once.

even if she was really good in bed. like really really good. like good enough to make him think about the other boys she's been with and if they'd made you feel as good as he did.

fuck. her. which jaehyun had already done. which meant that he needed to move onto the next step of the day before his head exploded with all of the implications flying around in his mind about their relation to each other (nonexistent) and if you were thinking about him like he was thinking of you (you weren't).

he pads out of his room, passing doyoung on the way out, who claps him on the back and says, "you finally got with y/n?" jaehyun doesn't know how doyoung knows but it strikes him that neither of you are very subtle people and you had caused quite the scene leaving with him last night.

similar reactions are offered to him by everyone he passes. he's not really sure how many of the boys you've been with but jaehyun can feel his street cred go up by at least a decameter with the way some of these pledges are looking at him.

in fact, everyone is looking at him with a new look of respect in their eyes until he reaches the kitchen, where yoo sia and johnny are sitting, practically eye-fucking.

jaehyun was very used to seeing johnny's friends in the kitchen the next day, neither of them ready to really say goodbye each other yet but for some reason, knowing that sia was your best friend and seeing her with johnny sets jaehyun's stomach into a series of knots that he was sure he was going to have to unravel when he had his head on straight.

"she already left?" sia says, finally breaking her stare from johnny's. jaehyun shrugs, digging around the fridge to see if they had any coffee. they didn't (none that wasn't expired anyway) so he has to settle for a caprisun.

"she had somewhere to be," jaehyun says. he wants to ask sia if it's normal for you to leave that early. it can't be if sia seems surprised that you'd left before the clock struck ten. what did that mean? what does that say about jaehyun? oh god. what if you hated it. what if you hated it so much that you didn't want to spend a second longer with jaehyun.

he cringes as he locks eyes with another shiny eyed pledge (jaehyun thinks his name is jungwoo) and tries to shake his head to clear any and all thoughts of you. he was pussydrunk. that was the only explanation. he just needed to dick down someone else and then he would get over whatever little infatuation thing he had going on.

"really? hmm..." sia says finally. jaehyun turns to see her looking right at him and suddenly, he's transported back to the previous weekend, when sia had been wrapped up in his sheets.

+++

"why did you start fucking around like this?" sia had asked, her chest still heaving from their previous illicit activities as she wraps herself tighter in jaehyun's sheets. jaehyun pauses for a moment as he catches his breath, pulling on his boxers as he thinks. he throws the shirt that sia's grabbing at, still not sure how to piece together his thoughts.

or why he wants to tell sia the truth. maybe it's because no one's ever asked about it before, but jaehyun feels strangely vulnerable as sia watches as he clambers back into his bed, her expression pensive and uncharacteristically wise.

"i don't know," jaehyun says honestly, laying over the covers as he feels his face grow hotter under sia's unrelenting stare. "i think it's because i wanted to know what it felt like. to know what it felt like to be wanted for a night instead of just being in the sidelines as the guy with the potential. just the guy that people brought along as the friend of the hot guys that kept him around."

sia doesn't say anything, instead turning so that she was lying on her back. jaehyun turns to look at her, to see if he could decipher some level of understanding from her silence. really, he knows that he should feel embarrassed about confessing his insecurities to a girl that he's hooked up with two or three times but he can't bring himself to for some reason.

maybe it's because he knows that she wouldn't say anything about it to anyone. or because he knows that she's head over heels for johnny, whether she'd admit it or not. or maybe it's just because for the first time, someone had asked something about jaehyun just to get to know him as a person, rather than trying to get him in their bed.

not that he really minded that - it just made him feel like it was all a lot more transactional than he was used to. he had been a romantic once upon a time. when you grew up with the nickname of 'valentine boy', it would have been stranger if he didn't have some sense of romance.

but jaehyun's penchant for romance disappeared almost just as soon as he realized that no one else was yearning for a pure type of love like he was.

and yet, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. turns out that jaehyun's a very adaptable man. if he wouldn't find love in this decade, then perhaps it would be lust that he would have to settle for.

"then again," he begins, gaze darting over to where sia had slipped on his t-shirt as she tiredly begins to settle down in his bed once more. "isn't that what everyone is doing nowadays? looking for a warm body for the night, instead of a genuine connection?"

sia snorts at that, turning so that she was facing jaehyun now. "don't tell me that you're one of the boomer types. the ones who always go around peacocking about how they were born in the wrong generation and that they're one of the 'good guys'. i might actually leave right now if you are."

"no, no i'm not. well. maybe a little bit. but i don't know why that's so bad to be honest," jaehyun acquiesces finally. sia rolls her eyes, but even she goes quiet for a moment. once again, jaehyun's reminded that this is sia yoo - a girl who routinely wakes up in someone else's sheets every saturday (although it was johnny's more often than not) and as sexist as it was, someone who carried a reputation for it. even jaehyun was surprised to find that she was such a deep conversationalist.

of course, he mentally berates himself soon after but he can't help the thought. for him, sia was just the girl he would get with a couple times. a good time. the fact that that's the only role she fulfilled in his mind made him feel disgusting inside out as he waits for her response, vowing that he would work to change his mindset. or maybe just change personalities altogether. ick.

"you know one of my best friends? y/n? the one who got with kun before he decided to go clean for fatima?" sia says with a careful tone. jaehyun nods, not trusting that he wouldn't say something dumb after his sudden realization of his flawed thinking.

"this is something she always says but it's honestly pretty simple: love is however you want to define it. humans spend so much trying to find labels and definitions for things that just might not have or need them. for such an advanced species, we spend so much time concerned about how to put a feeling into a box or how to classify a thought instead of rejoicing in the fact that we had such a beautiful feeling in the first place."

"for people in this generation, the old school love is hard to find because they've got so many other types of love that weren't allowed back when old school love was big. it's a different type of freedom to love someone on the weekends but never to fall in love with them. maybe we're just romanticizing hookup culture but who's to say that we can't? maybe we're all more romantic than we want to admit. maybe when we fall into the sheets with someone we barely know, we're looking for a fragment of love to satiate our heart in ways we didn't know it needed."

jaehyun doesn't know what to say to that so he just pulls her closer to him and she lets him, throwing her leg over his as they fall asleep, closer to each other than they had ever been.

+++

you're not sure what had compelled you to leave so quickly that morning. you usually like to get the boys who sleep with to at least cook you breakfast before you left (for compensation of being terrible in bed, if the situation so called for it) but for some reason, every instinct in your body had pulled you to leave.

you had waken up at nearly 5 in the morning, a mere two and a half hours after the two of you had fallen asleep, gathered your clothes, and were about to leave when you turn to look at jaehyun, still snoring away peacefully, his arm crossing his body to rest on the empty space next to him that you had occupied previously.

you had a feeling that you're going to lament leaving this early after psychoanalyzing why you were leaving so early later in the day but for now, if your gut was telling you to leave, you were going to heed the precautions.

but even as you're about to leave, you find yourself turning to jaehyun's desk, sparse but somehow still a little messy as you rummage for a post-it note and a pen to write with. you grin to yourself when you find yourself successful (and endearing somehow that jaehyun has bright pink post-it notes).

you pass a brother on the way out (undoubtedly a freshman who had received the short stick of the duties tonight) but you wave him off when he offers to walk you home. dangerous? most definitely. but you really needed the time and space to yourself and the short, almost ten minute walk back to your apartment would offer some enlightenment.

spoiler alert: it didn't. no matter how hard you wracked your brain to come up with some version of a logical explanation, you realized that there was just simply no way to do so.

and something about that frustrated you. you knew it wasn't a big deal. jaehyun was just a hook-up. a one night stand. and yet...something wasn't fitting right in your mind. so you start to think in the only way you know how, collecting all of the pieces of information you did have.

a) you just had sex - mind-blowing sex with jaehyun. he was everything you expected and more when it came to a sexual partner. b) you didn't develop feelings for him. sex comes fifth on the list of things you subconsciously (or now consciously, since you've spoken it into existence) have when looking for a potential boyfriend. first comes personality, then intelligence, then ambition, then looks, and then sex. you didn't even have a conversation long enough to figure out if jaehyun had more than three brain cells to piece together. c) jaehyun jung had confessed that he had wanted to get with you since last semester. did he mean with you-r body or with you?

you shake your head as if to physically shake the irrational thoughts in your mind out and press your id against the scanner at the entrance of your apartment building, rubbing your fingers against your temples as you get into the elevator to reach your apartment.

unlocking the door to your (empty) apartment, you decide to shelf the thoughts for some time when your head wasn't pounding and collapse on your bed, thanking the lords you'd had the sense to take a shower at jaehyun's.

and the last thing you remember is the smell of jaehyun's shampoo in your hair as you drift into blissful, dreamless sleep.

+++

you're not surprised to feel a weight on your bed when you wake up the next morning. you blearily open your eyes to make out sia's general figure, rosie and fatima undoubtedly chatting quietly in the kitchen.

you vaguely piece together something about fatima having kun over but him sleeping on the couch and you try to push down the guilt that creeps up into your brain as you realize that you had left fatima alone at the party. a party where all of you knew a lot of people (and the outcome was just as everyone had thought it would be) but the principle of the matter stung nonetheless.

you push aside the thought - along with the idea that you should probably apologize to fatima when the cottony feeling in your mouth started to subside - in favor of looking at sia, who is strangely quiet as she watches you gather yourself. for her boisterous personality, sia yoo could see through anyone to the extent of theorized telepathy so you don't even bother trying to hide anything from her.

although, it really is hard to take her seriously when she's got hickey's littered across her neck. well. you suppose you don't look much better at the moment.

"you left before 10 o'clock," sia says simply. you don't pretend to not understand what she means as you nod, pushing yourself up on your bed as fatima and rosie also enter, rosie handing you a glass of water.

"i know," you say softly. "but i want to hear about everyone else's nights right now. i just don't know that i'm in the right headspace to think about why i left so early - i'm not even sure i know why i left so early."

sia says nothing for a moment, watching your face, almost as if she were trying to read your very essence. but she relents, reaching out to hold your hand briefly before completely switching up, speaking animatedly about her very adventurous night, leaving you to simmer in your thoughts.

had sia always been this smart? probably. who's to say that she wasn't, after all?

turns out that sia and johnny were actually going to go on a date on wednesday, after realizing that their chemistry extended further out of the bedroom than either of them had expected. sia was through the roof, obviously, given that she had been thirsting over johnny (although more in a sexual sense than anything else) for so long.

rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom also worked a lot better than any of them had thought so you were sure that you were going to lose your roommate to the other '97 liners more often for the foreseeable future.

fatima was the only one who had a pg night, with kun coming over to her apartment and just chilling together the whole night, eventually having him sleep over since he was too tired to walk back to the apartment that he lived out (it was on the other side of campus, given that he moved out of the nct house pretty late into the semester last year).

"speaking of kun, when are you guys gonna make it official? i mean after this year, you guys are going to only have one year together before you guys graduate," you say, bunching your comforter before letting go. it felt weird saying that. especially in regards to your friends. theoretically, you had all the time in the world together.

but all the time in the world wasn't enough when it came to these girls.

fatima sighs before getting up, wringing her hands together as she thinks. "i don't know. i mean kun's graduating a year early so i really only have this year left. i - i know how much he likes me. i know that he wants to do this right way. go the whole nine yards."

"but...?" rosie says, elongating the syllables as you and sia look at her patiently. fatima shakes her head, getting up to walk around the room, six paces enough to take her from one side of your room to the other.

"i just don't know. kun's great and honestly, i really think that's the one. or at least one of the ones for me. but i just don't know if my parents would be okay with it. i mean my parents are great! they give me so much freedom and honestly, i'm really thankful that my parents allowed me to find religious and spiritual freedom on my own, without ever trying to shove it down my throat."

"but at the same time...how can i betray their trust in me by dating someone who is so far from my religion? like. kun is a great guy but he's not muslim. and sure, i don't follow a lot of the stricter things in islam but i - i have god in my heart. and i don't know that god would want me to start a family that doesn't follow islam. especially since i can see that in my future with kun and kun - i don't know that i could ask kun to convert to another religion for me."

the room is silent for a little bit after fatima finishes, with her collapsing in your bed next to you. rosie and sia exchange a look with each other, and then you, as they both decide to leave the room, leaving you to console fatima.

you were always the most philosophical one out of the bunch anyway.

"look, fatima, i can't pretend to know what it's like to have that kind of mental burden and i really can't understand what it's like to think about the future and be concerned about the impact on the world you might create. i read about something the other day though - did you know that kun means 'manifesting' or 'believing' in arabic?" fatima looks at you with disbelief written all over her face, shaking her head.

"how did you know that?" she asks and you just shrug, nodding at the 'islam for dummies' book you had bought in hopes of understanding a little bit more about one of your closest friend's religion.

"that's not the point. but fatima, you are the single kindest, most beautiful person i know. and i have faith that you will choose what's right for you, not what's right for the people around you because you know better than everyone that the only person who can judge you is god. and no one - no one - on this earth has the right to take that peace away from you."

fatima is silent before wrapping you in her arms, the soft material of her hoodie comforting you and lulling you back into a sleep that's dreamless and calm.

+++

jaehyun doesn't know what to expect when he walks into intro to east asia on monday. should he say hi? wave? start a conversation? should he acknowledge that he spent the better part of his weekend wondering if he would lose his fuckboy status if someone realized just how down bad he was for you?

probably anything but the last one was a good idea.

jaehyun was not in a good state of mind. he was a hot 19 year old man with a near perfect gpa (a whopping 3.98 only because he got a singular a-), a not so terrible set of dimples, and a killer body. and yet he was walking around like how he had been prior to his enlightening summer.

it's almost freeing but also humiliating to think that one night in bed was enough to make him start an entire philosophy but that was where jaehyun was at so who was he to question anything, really?

in fact, jaehyun is so caught up in what he would name his new branch of philosophy (loserism, with a lot of inspiration from zeno) that he doesn't even realize that you've already walked past him and taken your seat.

third row, first seat. you're putting your bag down next to your chair, pulling out your laptop, tossing your hair over your shoulder when it falls in your face. jaehyun tears his eyes away, knowing that this was not a good look for him.

if jaehyun really wanted to pursue you, which he was sure was where all of his jumbled emotions were eventually going to lead him anyway, he knew for a fact that you weren't going to be interested in having to take the lead. especially if jaehyun wasn't even sure that you were interested in the possibility.

but that's a struggle for another day. what was it that stephanie laurens said? that all women want sometimes is a little old-fashioned loving?

that was, in fact, the opposite of what sia had said you were really into but jaehyun had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn't mind handing the reigns over in the decision making process portion of a relationship, or the courtship, if your time together this weekend alluded to anything.

jaehyun almost misses the beginning of the lecture, where professor ma (no one actually calls him that besides himself) was going into some of his favorite places to stay during his time in china. and while missing any portion of professor ma's lecture was of no crime, he also almost misses the way that you're looking straight at him, faking a yawn when jaehyun finally locks eyes with you.

professor ma was known for giving stellar recommendation letters (which was why johnny had coerced jaehyun into ta'ing for his class in the first place) but he was such a pain in the ass.

jaehyun has to keep from laughing out loud when he sees your exaggerated gestures to show how boring you were finding the professor's lecture to be, pulling himself together in time for him to finally be able to take a seat in the back of the classroom, professor ma having asked him to take attendance for the some two hundred students in the classroom. by hand.

he almost drops the piece of paper that you slide into his hand, subtly slipping it into the pocket of his basketball shorts as makes his way up the flight of stairs to the tenth row, dropping his backpack on the floor next to him, in a rush to open the delicate piece of paper in his hands.

there's only three words on the piece of paper and a series of dashes and yet jaehyun knows that this is all he needs. this is all the signal he needs to know that he wasn't imagining the chemistry or the tension between the two of you. and fuck what anyone said about his 'reputation'; it was jaehyun's turn - the old jaehyun's turn - to get the chance to experience the relationship he had always been dreaming of.

he rereads the little piece of paper before smiling and tucking it into his pocket again.

earn the rest. 9__-___-____.

+++

johnny suh is getting whiplash from his best friend's actions.

one day, he's asking sia yoo if her best friend usually leaves her one night stands by the time they wake up. then he's throwing said one night stand's notes into the trash can before leaving for some frat meeting or another.

the next day, he's carrying another note from the same one night stand he can't seem to get out of his head.

jaehyun doesn't tell johnny anything. he really doesn't need to at this point. johnny suh is a senior in college and he's pretty much seen it all. he's also the vice president of a frat - which means that even if he didn't have all the experience that he did just because of his seniority, he definitely seen it because of the sheer number of stupid decisions frat brothers will find themselves making when they think they're going to either a) get drunk b) get high c) get their dick wet.

johnny knows it's all in good fun (fun that he's definitely not opposed to) but jaehyun's always been a little bit of an enigma when it came to all of it. he was good at the drinking and alright at the getting high and absolutely fan-fucking-tastic at the getting his dick wet.

it was the goddamn dimples. everyone always fell for the dimples.

and sure, while jaehyun had had crushes before (johnny could read his little like no other), they'd always been fueled by the hormonal rush of adrenaline and testosterone pumping through his veins. in fact, johnny's not sure that jaehyun had had a proper crush on anyone at college after getting fucked over in high school, where johnny had also gone to with jaehyun.

not that johnny had really known jaehyun. he was quieter and kept to himself more then. didn't really hang out in the same crowd as johnny.

he knows that's not necessarily true. johnny had, truthfully, just completely overlooked jaehyun. like a lot of girls had until jaehyun had finally started to grow into his features.

but johnny knows jaehyun now and he also knows that if jaehyun had never met gianna lee, jaehyun wouldn't have ever dove headfirst into the deep end of shitfuckery and sleeping around with every breathing body in sight.

cliché story of course. college boy becomes a fuckboy after having his heart broken by a girl in high school. johnny's almost 100% positive that sia's shoved at least two or three novels like those in johnny's face, with the same exact plot.

but what is life but a series of clichés after all. and honestly, did it even matter? it was real. it happened to jaehyun. that was all. end of story.

so johnny doesn't even say a word when he sees the post-it note in jaehyun's trash can. he's silent as he watches sia and jaehyun talk and jaehyun fall into a period of overthinking (and jaehyun knows he's overthinking too because johnny can see him shake his head even as he continues to stare at the 'people' tab of intro to east asia).

and johnny finally decides to break his silence when he sees jaehyun with a new post-it note, although this time it was a much more tame blue post-it, and a pensive look.

jaehyun slips it to johnny to read as they're sitting at the local starbucks, with johnny filling out some paperwork for the job he was signed on for as soon as the school year ended and jaehyun studying for the organic chemistry exam he had coming up the next week.

he doesn't say anything when he passes the note but johnny can see him sideye-ing him to catch his reaction and it's all he can do to keep from letting a little smile slip through.

he hands the piece of paper back, watching as jaehyun immediately stuffs it into his backpack, and for some reason, he's really not sure what to say. if sia were here, she would know exactly what to say, and how to say it. she had a way of saying things that were a little too straightforward to feel good but also obviously coming from a generally good place.

it was one of the reasons why johnny had thought it would be a good idea to make it official with her. sia yoo was nothing like what johnny had thought - and the thought simultaneously frightens him and comforts him.

"you plan on asking her out on a date?" johnny says lightly, sliding his laptop over to pretend to look at his phone casually. in actuality, he's typing furiously to sia (one of the few people that johnny trusted or consulted when it came to advice giving) about what was happening.

johnny is not very surprised when sia's gray bubble appears, disappears, and then appears again only to say, "yeah, i know."

he waits for a more elaborate response. or even a more sia-like response but the more that he talks to her, the more johnny is learning that sia is more unpredictable than she really seems to be.

and sia yoo seems to be completely out of the box.

johnny shakes his head, as if to physically get rid of the thoughts of her from his head, unsure why he was thinking of her when he was supposed to be helping out one of his boys.

"yeah. i think so? i don't know. i mean we had a good time and we definitely have chemistry. but we literally just had one night in bed and that's it." jaehyun furrows his eyebrows as he realizes that's not just it. "well, there is the fact that kun was walking around singing her praises. and i know that fatima wouldn't be friends with kun or y/n if she wasn't sure they're both good people. not to mention the fact that i've always thought she's kinda hot. but it's always been superficial. even us spending the night together was really nothing more than finding each other hot or trying to figure out if the talk around town was real or not."

johnny takes a sip of his americano as he lets jaehyun's words sink into his own mind. jaehyun rests his heads on his arms crossed in front of him and johnny knows exactly the set of thoughts that's running through jaehyun's mind because they were the same as johnny's when he had decided to ask sia out on a date.

is it worth it? is it worth possibly getting my heart strung up on someone again just to face the possibility of breaking it again?

so johnny offers the only advice that he really has.

"talk to roseanne. girls' fiercest protectors are their friends and something tells me that talking to her will make you fall on one side or the other."

+++

the next time that jaehyun sees roseanne is a complete coincidence. he really only meant to say hi to one of his homies, yugyeom, on the way out of the library and hadn't expected to run into roseanne or miyeon at all. especially not a singular day after johnny had suggested that he seek her out in the first place.

he watches as yugyeom thumbs the rip in miyeon's jeans as he continues to talk to jaehyun about something jeongguk had done the previous weekend. and then he sees miyeon press a kiss to roseanne's cheek as she gets up to fill up her water bottle.

jaehyun didn't think he would understand that dynamic at all but whatever floated their boat. who was he to judge? he had watched the barbie movie and was still having a crisis about his masculinity and was actively searching out his one night stand's (were you still just his one night stand?) roommate and best friend to fix it. to be fair, he didn't really fully understand the barbie movie, to the chagrin of doyoung's girlfriend nairobi but that was besides the point.

yeah. jaehyun was really in no position to speak. wow he had a lot of things to work on internally. the more he talked to the women in his life, the more he was realizing this. again. not the point.

roseanne takes one look at his face and then exchanges a look with miyeon and then yugyeom before standing up and walking towards the exit, looking at jaehyun questioningly when she realizes that jaehyun hasn't moved an inch. jaehyun hurriedly bids yugyeom and miyeon goodbye as he rushes after her.

the two of them linger outside of the library and roseanne just raises an eyebrow as she appraises jaehyun. and for some reason, jaehyun stands up straighter, and she just sighs, a small smile playing on her lips.

"let me guess. 'who makes people work for their number? what is this? sprinkle sprinkle type of stuff?' or maybe 'this is kinda cringey, isn't it?' or just a sweet and simple 'what the actual fuck?'" roseanne says nonchalantly, listing out each possible question jaehyun could have come to ask.

"would it make me a bad man if i said yes to all of the above?" jaehyun asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. roseanne shrugs, crossing her arms across her chest.

"not really. i don't think so at least. it's a fair set of questions that even i asked her the first time a guy came up to me asking who the fuck my roommate thought she was," roseanne says. she takes sees the look of confusion on jaehyun's face as she continues, "you're definitely not the first person to ask me that but you are of a selective few. y/n usually doesn't let people get this far in the first place. and secondly, she doesn't really tell us much about people she's interested in until much later."

"she's a strange person, if i'm being honest with you. there's just something about her that makes her so captivating and invisible at the same time. she'll capture the attention of everyone in the room but if you talk to her, she'll make you feel like her best friend. she seems like an open book, and an even more open friend. and you feel so close to her within a conversation and then you end the conversation, you realize that even as she spoke, she revealed nothing about herself."

"i'm her best friend and i could tell you very confidently that i didn't know a single thing about her truly until recently. it made me frustrated at first. like i was a shitty friend or something. but the closer to her i got, the more i realized that she's always been a great friend but no one's been a great friend to her. she's very selective with the people she associates with - not just people she lets herself be seen with but people she confides in."

"this whole thing is a defense mechanism. she'd be caught dead before she'd ever admit it but she just hasn't been loved in the way that she's loved and now she's more guarded for it. i'll tell you this jaehyun, but if you want to give up, do it now. she says she's just going to give you her number if you earn it but once you get all 10 digits, know that she's gonna give you her heart."

"it seems like i'm violating girl code by telling you all this but like i said, even if you were to ask y/n, she would say the same thing. not in so many words but still. like i said. she's an open book and a closed heart. she knows you're gonna ask me and so she only tells me something that she would be okay with you hearing."

jaehyun, who had been listening quietly and patiently the whole time, cuts in with a quiet voice. "isn't it exhausting to live like that?"

roseanne looks at him strangely, as though she was truly seeing him for the first time. jaehyun doesn't know if he's offended or relieved that she'd done what he'd done to sia - made assumptions based on his appearance. he lands on neutral. it's human nature, to try and make proper guesses about who's gonna act like what.

the ancient art of preventing heartbreak, jaehyun supposes.

"maybe. i don't think so though. it's gotta be a different level of relief knowing that no one's gonna talk shit about you because a) no one knows you well enough to do that or b) because you're so careful with who you trust that you know they'd never betray you or even c) they can only talk about what you put out into the world. it's why censorship is so effective. people can only talk about what they know. there's few people who will ignore what they see to find what they can't see tangibly."

"are all of y/n's friends secretly poets or something? why the hell are you guys all speaking cryptically like you're all freemasons or some shit like that. i can't tell if i find it cringey or cool," jaehyun says, cocking his head.

roseanne lets out a real, full bellied laugh at that, clutching her stomach as chuckles escape her. jaehyun's not sure what he's said that's so funny but he knows for a fact that she's not laughing with him, but at him.

"why is it cringey, jaehyun? why would it be cool? it's just what it is. we're just girls. you'll see us at the party next weekend, drinking our weight in alcohol. we'll have the conversations about makeup and dresses and having fun and our future and our past. there's nothing like freemasonry, i promise. it's just so amusing to see men get alarmed by the thoughts that girls have been wrestling with since they've been twelve. the duality of man, i guess," roseanne says finally, once she's caught her breath.

jaehyun doesn't know how to respond to that so he elects to save the remaining tatters of his dignity by just not responding at all. if there's one thing he's learned about you, it's that you surround yourself by women who are not hesitant about putting him in his place. and he's oddly thankful for it.

"i have one last question. well, two last questions, actually," jaehyun says when he sees roseanne turning around to head back inside, still wiping the tears from her eyes from laughing too hard.

roseanne turns, a knowing glint in her eyes even before jaehyun asks his question.

"how many guys have talked to you? and what's the highest number anyone's ever gotten to?"

roseanne is silent and just as the silence begins to turn awkward, she promptly turns on her heel and begins to walk away. she opens the door to the library before she seemingly changes her mind and looks back at jaehyun.

"two guys have talked to me. you're gonna have to ask fatima about the second question though. and jaehyun? the next number is 6."

96_-___-____.

+++

jaehyun finds fatima not soon after his conversation with roseanne. he's sitting in the nct house, watching johnny pace back and forth in his room, trying to figure out if what he was wearing was too casual for a date to a bowling alley.

it was way too formal, in jaehyun's opinion. but he was just going to wait for johnny to finish panicking (even if he would never admit that he was, in fact, panicking) to figure that out on his own. seriously though, who wore a button down and slacks to a bowling alley?

then again, he was going on a date with sia yoo so really, anything was fairplay when it came to that girl. she was a whirlwind of literally everything that could possibly go into a human being. she was a maximalist to the fullest, seizing every opportunity she could to make good memories, pressing forward with a sense of perfect clarity and sobriety that most people would be scared of.

the type of girl who was the main character of any story that she would feature in. sia was the type of person that people who trip and fall over themselves trying to have a good time with that she practically promised. she walked around with fairy dust in her fingers and a strange sense of wisdom that felt like she could read you like a book within a singular meeting with her.

jaehyun knows that she's the most intimidating out of all of the girls. out of you, roseanne, fatima, and sia, she was hands down the most frightening because even though she could read everyone else, no one could really read her.

then there was roseanne. she was the wet dream of every girl alive - the reason why straight girls lamented that they were straight and still falling a little bit in love with her. she was hot, flirtatious to the extent of making everyone wonder what they were when she gave them even a split second of attention, and so incredibly full of life. it doesn't surprise jaehyun that she had become exclusive with miyeon and yugyeom. for some reason, he feels like she just wouldn't have been able to settle for liking one person at once.

she was a little too much for just one person to be able to handle. she was like the human personification of a leather jacket wearing, motorcycle driving, woody cologne smelling wattpad trope. jaehyun understands her appeal all too well.

and then there was fatima. she was kind, sweet, kept to herself, and always offered a helping hand to those around her. jaehyun understood why kun had fallen so hard for her within two minutes of meeting her. she had an air about her that made you feel like she was someone who truly cared about you, even if you didn't know her and she didn't know you all that well. she was the type of girl who was always forgotten in the novels about warriors and princesses. the girl who was often reduced to nothing more than the main character's best friend.

until you met a girl like her in real life. fatima was still a little forgotten, and jaehyun knew that. guys often overlooked her in favor of her 'hotter' or 'wilder' friends, which is admittedly what jaehyun had thought at first. but she was just so genuine and clearheaded. she protected her peace in a way that was so unusual for young, college-going students. not to say that sia, roseanne, or you weren't genuine or anything like that. but fatima was the type of girl that jaehyun knew was perfect for kun. the girl that he could go home and know that no matter what he had done in his past, she would love him all the same.

and there was you. smart, strangely private, and a series of contradictions housed within one heart. jaehyun wracks his brain, trying to gather everything that he knew about you and yet, he comes up empty.

frustratingly empty.

jaehyun vaguely registers the fact that johnny has finally changed and is getting ready to go. he knows that he should say something about how johnny should just be himself and that sia liking him is completely up to her, regardless of what johnny were to do. but when he locks eyes with johnny, he realizes that johnny already knows.

so jaehyun just claps him on the back as he heads back to his room, his mind spinning as he tries to think of everything that he knows about you. and he draws a blank every fucking time.

he knows superficial things about you. maybe it's because he doesn't know you like he knows your friends. he hasn't talked to you as much as he's talked to them. but how does he not know you? he's been wanting to get with you for so long. he wanted more than just your body. he wanted your charm and your appeal.

was it just your body? is that all it was? is that all jaehyun wanted? somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to believe that. he doesn't want that for himself. logically, he knows that gianna's impact on his life shouldn't be extending this far. he knows that he shouldn't want or have to fight himself this hard but you're not making it much easier for him.

when was the last time jaehyun wanted to get to know such an enigma of a girl? gianna lee. and he wants nothing to do with a girl like that ever again.

and yet, here he is. falling into the same trap all over again.

jaehyun's so caught up in his own thoughts, feeling himself starting to spiral when he bumps in fatima and kun, who are equally caught up in a conversation with each other.

"oh, my bad," jaehyun mumbles, ready for fatima to brush past him but she doesn't, looking at jaehyun and then kun.

"hey man, we're headed back to my place. why don't you come back with us?" kun offers, and jaehyun just nods blankly, as he starts to follow them out of the nct house. kun stops at the entrance where he picks up a textbook from yuta, who had been borrowing it for the last week, before the three of them make their way out.

"how are you, jaehyun?" fatima asks with a sweet smile as they pile into kun's car. somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to give her a generic, insincere answer.

"i'm...okay. i'm just okay. confused but okay," jaehyun says and fatima seems alright with this answer. kun pulls out of the 'driveway' of the frat house, exchanging in a quiet conversation with fatima about what they were planning on eating for the night, leaving jaehyun to simmer in his thoughts.

gianna lee. there was a name that he thought about almost every day and never all at the same time. the girl who had made him and broke him. the girl that jaehyun had trusted with his heart and made him regret ever doing that.

the girl who had been the first love of his life.

+++

gianna was a year younger than him. smart, so incredibly sweet, and yet someone that no one could confidently say that they knew. she was the type of girl who could slip under the radar as easily as her friends seemed to always stay on top of.

she ran in the same circle as jaehyun had in senior year, right when jaehyun was beginning to blossom into the man that he was today. she had always been kind to him, if not a little withdrawn, even when he was a skinny boy with proportions that absolutely did not seem to match each other.

jaehyun didn't even know her well enough for her to break his heart, honestly. jaehyun had liked her even before having a proper conversation with her. he knew how left out she felt in her own body. even though he couldn't imagine a more gorgeous girl, he knew that she didn't feel that way about herself.

he knew that she always compared herself to her friends. her well-accomplished, 'main character' best friends who were the talk of the school. and her. no matter how intelligent or kind or put together she was, no one really looked at her the way that jaehyun did. she knew it.

even jaehyun couldn't place why he liked her so much. maybe it was the fact that he was somehow comforted that a girl with so much beauty could feel the same way as him. maybe it was the fact that she had always held the same smile for him, regardless of what he looked like. or maybe it was even the fact that one time, she had held his hand as she pulled him across the street, running to catch up with their friends who had already crossed.

jaehyun just remembers looking at her dyed cherry red hair falling into her eyes as she laughs, pulling him forward to where the rest of their friends were standing. and as he breathes in the smoke in the air and the raspberry scent of her perfume, he just knows that he really, truly likes gianna lee.

gianna lee doesn't like him the way that he likes her. he knows that. logically, jaehyun knows that his feelings are truly unfounded. he really has no reason to like gianna the way that he does. and yet, there's a part of him that holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll turn around with those big eyes and upturned lips and say that she likes him the way that he likes her.

so he continues to look at her first when he makes the friend group laugh. he always slips her a napkin when he's getting one for himself when they're out getting milkshakes. he offers to help her with apush when she's stressing about a test the next week.

the closer he gets to her, the more jaehyun realizes that really, she was nothing like the image of her he had conjured in his head. she was every bit sweet as he had thought but she was argumentative, competitive, and all too obsessed with perfection. she always needed to be right in an argument, always had to win, and always had to make sure that she looked flawless doing so.

jaehyun doesn't realize it, of course. he's so obsessed with his glazed over façade of her that he just continues to let her win the arguments even when he knows that she's wrong. and she lets him wrap his arms around her when she gets an 89% on her test.

he lets her walk all over him and she lets him act on his feelings.

it was a toxic, parasitic relationship that neither of them were truly happy in. when gianna asked him out, jaehyun hadn't felt like fireworks were going off in his stomach. he felt like he had won a prize at a marathon. like he'd won a medal.

gianna wasn't a medal. she was a flawed, beautiful human being - every bit gorgeous and horrible as jaehyun and every other human being was. but jaehyun had won, hadn't he?

he hadn't. and it took so long for him to realize that by the time he'd realized that gianna had really only taken to him out of pity, he was so far in his own head that he didn't know how to leave her.

eventually, the summer before college rolled around and gianna had taken it upon herself to do the nasty deed of breaking up with him. it had been an amicable split, as far as their friends were concerned.

but none of them had ever truly either of their friends. so what did they know?

what did they know about gianna finding comfort in her ex's arms? what did they know about her grades slipping at the end of the school year? what did they know about her having to excuse herself at a meeting for her internship to sob in the bathroom as she realized the true fallacy in the way she had acted? what did they know about the way she had to reconstruct herself bottom up? nothing.

what did they know about jaehyun spending every other night with a different girl, trying to ease the ache in his heart? what did they know about the obscene number of hours at the gym, not sure how to combat the sudden numbness after girl after girl? what did they know about the fact that jaehyun could not physically stand the smell of raspberries anymore? absolutely nothing.

no one knew anything until jaehyun had finally come to college. it was once he joined the frat and met guys who were so alike and different from him at the same time that he finally opened up about gianna.

only to doyoung, kun, and johnny but people nonetheless. everyone had gone through something similar - while for some it happened at college or back home, they all knew the pain. some of them were more in the fault than others but pain is pain and a paper cut bleeds the same red as a gunshot wound.

which is why when kun sits him down on the couch and fatima hands him a cup of iced tea to save them all from the sweltering heat as august makes a last stand against september's winds, jaehyun spills everything.

gianna. his past. his insecurities. everything. he knows he shouldn't. logically, fatima had nothing stopping her from going and telling everything that jaehyun had told her to you, but for some reason, jaehyun thinks that she won't.

she doesn't.

+++

fatima knows that jaehyun was going to talk to her about something like this. it seemed that all of the nct boys came with some level of trauma like this. she wasn't sure what it was about every single boy she had met in college (although, granted, they were either her friends' conquests or kun's friends - a very interesting group of very intertwined boys) having their hearts getting ripped to shreds. sometimes it was of their own volition but they all seemed to be some level of hurt either way.

so when jaehyun spills his heart out on kun's carpeted floors, she's ready with a well-rehearsed speech. he's one of six boys she'd already had this same exact conversation with (kun has a bad habit of picking up strays) but when he looks at her with such raw anguish in his eyes, she falters.

she looks to kun, who's looking at her with the same question that she knows jaehyun is asking.

"how do you know when to choose between your head and your heart? because my heart is so fucking scared of getting attached to someone again. but my head knows that i can't push everyone away because i'm scared."

fatima is quiet, searching for the right words. she's about to say something when kun speaks up, looking determinedly at fatima.

"you learn to choose you. instead of choosing between your head and your heart, just choose yourself. at the end of the day, you and y/n are good people who aren't trying to hurt each other. you're both trying not to get hurt. and honestly, maybe you'll realize that you both are better off as friends along the way. maybe you just realize that you don't want to be with someone right now. or maybe you find someone who makes you feel like you're safe and loved when you're around them, whether you're in love with them or not." fatima looks at kun with a soft smile, reaching out to hold his hand gently.

"you have to choose yourself, jaehyun. trust me. the more you start thinking about what is best for the people around you instead of thinking for yourself, you'll look back fifteen, twenty years down the road and see everyone but yourself in your life. don't do something because gianna and how she made you feel. don't let your past define your future," fatima says, and jaehyun can feel the tears prick his eyes. he blinks determinedly, trying to make them disappear but when kun sits on one side of him and fatima on the other, he starts losing his battle against his emotions, finally letting himself mourn the innocence he had once had.

he buries his head into fatima's shoulder and for some reason, he feels as though kun and fatima would be amazing parents. because jaehyun doesn't remember the last time that he had felt this safe in an embrace.

"and jaehyun? the furthest anyone has ever gotten is five numbers. you're at three. it's your call from here. do what you want, not what you think you need to do." fatima taps his shoulder gently and lets him cry for as long as he needs to.

963-___-____.

+++

jaehyun gets the next number from you. after his conversation with fatima, he's sure that if he wants to go any further than this, he needed to talk to you first.

it's strange. he's earning your number but it feels like jaehyun's somehow earning himself back. and when he finds you again, he knows that you can tell.

even johnny could tell. when he had come back from his (successful) date with sia, the first thing he had said was, "wow. you look so...light."

jaehyun hadn't said anything but 'thank you' but it was enough.

johnny had just smiled at him and recounted the date, stating that he was going to ask her to go on another date this saturday night. jaehyun doesn't mention the fact that nct is throwing that night because johnny already knows.

and honestly, sia is a junior and johnny is a senior. they've been to their fair share of parties. one party being missed wouldn't be life changing for them. but skipping a party as the vice president of a frat and a girl who was sought after as a sweetheart for six frats meant something nonetheless.

he hadn't expected that they were to get that serious that quickly but it was a refreshing change. even fatima and kun were starting about talking about talking to fatima's parents to get their blessing for their relationship. her dilemma was no secret and it seemed that the conversation between the three of them had served to help them through their own issues as well.

there was just something in the air, jaehyun had supposed. august turned to september in the week that jaehyun had wrestled with himself, eventually leading to seeking you out.

it had been at the nct party, actually. you were standing with some of your acquaintances, all of your friends having dispersed to do what they were going to do. jaehyun had been on the other side of the room, convincing bambam that it was most definitely not a good idea to try and pursue soyeon jeon if he wanted to make sure that he woke up with all his limbs intact the next morning.

you had met his eye, raising an eyebrow before continuing your conversation, all thoughts of him seemingly out of your mind. jaehyun looks between bambam (who has gone from trying to get with soyeon to jumping into the pool) (that pool had not been cleaned in a full six months) and you. he just finds jungwoo, one of the pledges, and hands him a very drunk bambam.

"do not let him do anything dumb. i'm counting on you pledge," jaehyun called out over his shoulder as he weaves through people to get to you.

"jaehyun! hey! long time no see," hailey whitfield says, throwing herself in jaehyun's arms. jaehyun looks at you, where you're staring straight at where hailey's body ends and his arms begin. jaehyun tries to push her off of him. once upon a time, jaehyun would've been behind happy about getting with her again - she was so good with her mouth. but now, he has no intentions of giving you the wrong impression.

at least until he has a proper conversation with you so that you knew where he stood with you. and where you stood with him.

"hey hailey, sorry i've gotta get to my friend," he says, not even looking at her as he pushes off of her, resuming his threading through the crowd to where you're standing. you look at him, unimpressed, but jaehyun knows you well enough to know that three numbers are enough to make you feel a certain way if jaehyun was fooling around with other girls.

which he hasn't been. not a single night. jaehyun jung's bed has been empty for an entire two weeks, something that doyoung and nairobi have been taking full advantage of.

even some of jaehyun's friends had started asking if he was having problems or something but he had brushed them off. he definitely wasn't having problems, if hailey whitfield was any indication. but he felt like it would be doing you dirty if he had someone in his bed while he was talking to your friends about you.

so he hadn't.

he knows you know. he knows that you know he's talked to sia, roseanne, and fatima. he'd figured that you'd find out either through them or just by him. he can tell by the look in your eyes that you've read him thoroughly.

so he really doesn't feel bad about pulling you away from your friends, taking you upstairs to his room. finally, doyoung had promised that they would go back to nairobi's place on the condition that jaehyun made sure that no one would try to fuck on his bed. he promised, knowing that the only person who'd be coming up here would be him. he needed to talk to you tonight. if he knew anything it was that.

but once you're sitting on his bed, watching him pace back and forward, he's lost everything he's been wanting to say. where does he even start? with gianna? with the questions he has for you? with the number? where does he begin?

jaehyun looks at you, where you're watching him with a small smile on your face and suddenly, it doesn't matter where he begins. you'll listen to it all. he knows that much.

"why do you want me to work for your number?" jaehyun asks. you look at him curiously, tilting your head as you piece together an answer.

"are you sure you don't know the answer to that question?" you say, folding your legs so that you're sitting criss cross on the navy covers.

"i do. but i want to hear it from you, y/n. you know what all your friends say about you? that they didn't properly know you until a full year of friendship with you. but they said that you never lie. so i want you to tell me," jaehyun says, chest heaving by the end of his ramble. his eyes turn soft as he watches you become more and more solemn and he steps forward, sitting down on his desk chair and swiveling it over so that he was sitting directly across from you.

you pause for a moment, searching for the words before saying anything. "i've never been in a relationship before. so i don't have the trauma that could come from something like that. but i know what it's like to lose your heart to someone. and i know that it hurts. i want to be loved in the way that i never thought i could be. so the number thing is just an excuse for me to get to the point where i won't feel guilty about liking someone."

you shrug, smiling but not allowing the smile to reach your eyes. "it's a good way to make sure that the guy knows what he's getting into either way."

jaehyun nods at that. he knew that much. it feels different hearing it from you though. when you're the one saying it, jaehyun knows that it's real. raw. not coming from people trying to protect you because they know that you're far too soft to truly come at him guns blazing.

somehow, he likes it. he likes that you're much softer than you seem. that you're a lot more vulnerable than you come off as. and for some reason, jaehyun hopes that you never perfect the art of becoming standoffish.

"hmm. you've never been in a relationship before?" jaehyun says finally and you nod, shrugging once more. a shadow of bittersweet nostalgia crosses your face before you're back to your soft smile and guarded yet curious eyes.

"nope. part of it was on me; i've got high standards, if you can't tell. and the other part was that i've always wanted someone who fascinates me. of course, i wasn't all that appealing to men because i spent so much time trying to beat them at the only thing they were good at - ego-boosting themselves but they weren't interesting. none of them were people i really wanted to get to know," you say, unfolding your legs.

jaehyun likes the fact that the tips of your toes are the only part of your feet that touch the ground from how far back you're sitting on the bed. in an act of boldness, jaehyun moves forward to sit next to you, right where you're sitting. his feet are flat on the floor, he realizes.

he doesn't know why he's noticing things like this but he is and something about that frustrates him, frightens him, and tugs at his heartstrings altogether.

"you're heartbroken, aren't you? boys like you always seem to be a little hurt," you say, tossing the words into the air like rose petals. they're recklessly thrown but they're somehow beautiful in the way that blackened roses are always beautiful.

"yeah. i was. i think i will always mourn who i was before that. i was so naïve. but i'm not him anymore. and i think i'm realizing that i'm actually okay with that." jaehyun says the words just as carelessly as you do but once they're out in the open, he realizes that he's being completely honest. he turns to you with a strange look though.

"boys like me?"

you smile and nod at him. "boys like you."

you stand up, walking to where jaehyun has a corkboard with a shitload of scraps and photos from the past two years. you don't mention the fact that none of the memories that he has on the board date from before senior year. you don't need to.

"boys like you who've never been loved completely. boys who think that they need to listen to what the world says about how they should be acting or thinking. boys who are hopeless romantics but what would the world say if they knew that these boys just wanted a little bit of love? what would they say if they were looking for warmth in an empty and cold bed?"

jaehyun hates that you're right. it's the college boy tragedy. condemned to never be able to completely heal from one bad experience and then always breaking hearts to collect enough pieces to build themselves a new one.

he didn't want to end like that. even if it wasn't with you, he was ready to grow past it. he didn't want to end as a heartbreaker.

"boys like me...and you like a boy like me?" jaehyun asks. he doesn't know why he does. this is the first proper conversation you've had with him when both of you are decidedly sober. you want to deflect the question but if he's being honest, that's a sign for you to be just as honest.

"i don't know. from what my friends say, and what i know about you as a person in class, i know you mean well. and honestly, i've always just been the type of person to like someone past things like the books they read or the way they dress," you say, still looking at the memories jaehyun's pieced together over the years on this board. "i feel something around you. and i don't know you well enough to know that i like you as someone more than a friend but i'd like to at least have the chance to get that far."

that's all jaehyun needs. he gets another number that night.

+++

jaehyun waits for you outside of intro to east asia, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waits for you to make it out of the classroom. you're the last one to leave, knowing that technically, you and jaehyun weren't allowed to see each other while he was your ta.

jaehyun had never really pegged you as someone with so much respect for the rules but you had argued that it was mostly about the principle.

he'd learned a lot about you that last weekend. you and him had stayed up all night, talking about nothing and everything under the sun until the sun itself rose, eventually falling asleep in a tangled mess of limbs and conversations.

he learned that while you didn't like the rules, you often followed them as long as they followed your own moral code. that you would die for your friends and that had landed you in many bad friendships when people would use that to their advantage before you'd met your friends in college. he learned that you were super close with your family, and that they were quite literally the best friends that you could always rely on.

and he learned that you wanted to see him again. on a date. sometime soon. so with no real way of communicating with you outside of social media (and he somehow felt like sliding into your dm's was corny and somewhat of a copout), here he was. waiting outside of the classroom like he was ripped straight from a 1950's romance movie. he even had the letterman jacket on to boot.

"oh my god, you scared me," you say, pressing a hand to your chest as you quite nearly bump into jaehyun. he smiles, readjusting his backpack on his shoulders as the two of you start walking.

"you knew i was waiting for you outside, didn't you?" he says, pushing the side door open to walk towards the parking lot, where he's convinced kun to let him borrow his car for the day.

"yeah but i didn't think you would be literally outside the door," you murmur, checking your phone to see the rest of your day's schedule. you had purposefully blocked off three hours of your schedule to hang out with jaehyun, which you were sure to regret later on when your organic chemistry class kicked your ass. but that was a later issue.

"well, i couldn't text you where i was so i figured i'd wait in plain sight," jaehyun retorts, opening the passenger door for you without a word. huh. that was the first time a man has ever done that for you. and jaehyun did it as though it were second nature - like it was a given.

you don't know why something so small means so much to you but you're alright with it. you're alright with just appreciating it.

"that's fair," you say. another number's on the tip of your tongue as you watch him get into the driver's seat but jaehyun beats you to the punch.

"don't give me a number. not yet," jaehyun says. "not that i don't want one. but i just...me waiting outside your classroom or opening your door isn't enough for a number. even if i don't get all ten, you've got to up your standards."

you don't know what to say to that so you don't say anything, turning on the music and letting the melody of chemtrails under the country club by lana del ray fill the rainy september afternoon sky.

+++

when jaehyun pulls up to a run down diner, you're pleasantly surprised. although you're not much of a sucker for romantic places, the fact that jaehyun is somehow makes you happy. it makes you happy that he still sees the beauty in places like these. and when you look over at him, dimples threatening to show as he breathes in the air of misty fog and the smell of milkshakes and burgers, you're so tempted to kiss him.

so you lean over, looking at him with a twinkle in your eyes once jaehyun has parked.

"can i kiss you?" you ask, mere inches from his lips. jaehyun just looks at you, and from this close, you realize just how beautiful his eyes are. they're dark, darker than anyone else's that you know. and yet, it feels like you could fall in and never regret it.

"please."

it's all you need. and it's all he needs because as soon as word slips from his lips, he's pressing forward, his lips against yours. he's soft, you register vaguely. nothing like last time. nothing like how he'd kissed you like he could think of nothing but absolutely ruining you.

jaehyun is soft. like the feeling of slipping a cold hand into someone's warm jacket pocket. he kisses you like he's scared of ruining you. ruining this. and you're absolutely addicted to the feeling.

the feeling of knowing that he could just claim you instead of trying his best to claim your heart. no matter how fucked up it was that you were even thinking that someone could 'claim' you. he wasn't like that and you could work with that.

he pulls away from you, eyes still closed as he sits against the drivers seat, his head against the headrest. you watch him, a silly and childish smile on your face - although you're not really sure why it's there in the first place. but who are you to knock anything?

there aren't many words to exchange as the two of you make your way into the diner. jaehyun had opened your car door again. this time, you just offer him your hand and you're strangely alright with just how safe you feel with his hand locked in yours.

the diner seems as though time has frozen still here.

and everything about the date seems the same. it feels as though time has frozen still - almost as though the two of you are in a little bubble with no one but each other. it's a feeling you haven't experienced in a while. a feeling you don't think you've ever had because of a boy.

it feels...almost scarily comfortable. it doesn't feel as though there are fireworks exploding for every word that jaehyun says. but it does feel as though that there's a hot mug of cocoa that's been handed to you on a cold winter night. and that feeling, the feeling of warmth spreading through every corner of your body, is the feeling that you know is good for you.

so you listen to him, watch him speak animatedly about basketball or a book he read, chin resting in your palm as you find yourself falling deeper and deeper.

jaehyun gets two numbers that day.

+++

it doesn't take much longer for jaehyun to get the rest of the numbers. soon enough, you're more than happy just to spend time with him the way that you spend time with your friends. you feel as though you've made a good friend out of someone you'd thought that you wouldn't even be able to get along with.

"you know, when i first met you, even before i knew you, i really didn't like you," you say, taking a sip out of your latte. the seasons have changed, fall giving way to winter. the november air bites your skin every time someone opens the door to the tiny café the two of you were sitting in.

jaehyun smiles, nodding as he leans back in his chair. "i know. i could tell by the look in your eyes."

"the look in my eyes?"

"yeah. the one that said that you wanted to get to know me. to figure out my deal even if you didn't necessarily want to find out for sure. kind of like you wanted to be the one that said 'aha!' at the end of a movie, even though you weren't sure of the ending at all."

you look at jaehyun for a moment before laughing, shaking your head as you laugh. "you're even starting to talk like me now."

jaehyun pauses before he nods, smiling with you. "yeah, i know. you've rubbed off on me in a lot of ways."

"i've improved your music taste, that's for sure," you snort, taking another sip out of your latte. "i still can't believe you didn't like ric flair drip when we met."

"it's not that i didn't like it and it's still not that i like it now. but i guess i just have a good memory associated with it now so it's growing on me," jaehyun says. your eyebrows furrow as you try to recollect what good memory he could possibly be referring to.

"oh my god. the night that we met! i was trying to get in your pants with ric flair drip," you say incredulously, shivering when someone opens and closes the door once more. jaehyun hands you his hoodie, leaving his arm extended silently when you protest.

you don't know why you still bother trying to protest with him when you knew you were going to lose. you put the sweater on as jaehyun starts talking, letting the scent of clean water and pine trees swaddle you softly.

"honestly, i think i was more than you that night," jaehyun says, as he looks at you with an incriminating twinkle in his eyes. "that was around the time that even taeyong said that he wanted to see if kun's vivid descriptions were true or not. and i wasn't about to let him get the opportunity to get to you before i did. i don't know why. i felt almost protective over you. but not in a good way. in the type of way where i wanted to show you how good i could make you feel - more than anyone could even begin to think of making you feel."

the previously cold café begins to become a lot hotter than you were feeling before, clearing your throat as you try to let the moment pass.

"how did we even get here?" you say, fanning yourself delicately. the move only serves to work against you when you fan yourself so that the scent of his cologne on his hoodie only gets stronger in your mind.

jaehyun leans back, letting you switch the conversation. he'd bring it up to you later in the night, anyway. besides, for someone who puts on such a strong front, it's honestly a little fun to see you squirm at the slightest implications from jaehyun.

"but, uh, jaehyun. i've been meaning to ask you something for a while," you begin, fidgeting with the wrapper of the straw in front of you. jaehyun tilts his head as if to question what you have to say as he waits patiently.

"what are we?"

now jaehyun is truly confused. was the past month of going on dates not clear enough? jaehyun wasn't going on dates with anyone else. oh my god. were you going on dates with other men? is that why you're asking.

"i thought we were dating?" jaehyun says, phrasing his sentence more like a question than a statement. "i mean i'm not talking to anyone else and i kinda assumed that since i'd gotten all ten numbers, neither were you."

you hum, unable to stop the silly smile on your face.

"good. that's just what i was thinking too."

+++

honestly, everything about jaehyun jung is appealing to you. from the way that he engulfs you in a hug when you're up late studying. or the way that he convinces you that you have a virus on your laptop just so that he could spend more time with you 'fixing' your laptop for you. or the way that he sits with you and your friends, patiently listening and offering advice wherever he can (or honestly, is just allowed to speak).

you're so glad to see him like this. as your boyfriend of four and a half months (you hadn't let him make it official until he was no longer your ta), you've seen him grow in ways that you'd never thought. jaehyun was every inch the stupid, naïve fuckboy you'd thought him to be in the beginning. and he was also every inch the hopeless romantic with a little too much love to give for a scarred heart.

so you heal together. you help each other when you quite literally can't handle the pain and together, you grow. he's more confident. not just in the way that he looks - but the way that he speaks around people. the way that he educates himself. the way that he communicates how he feels.

and he helps you everyday. he shows you what it feels like to be loved the way you love others. he shows you that you are worth the princess treatment. and most importantly for you, he loves the people around you the way you love the people around you.

kun and fatima find their happy ending. fatima had spoken to her parents and while they took some time to warm up to kun, his soft demeanor and the way that he loved fatima so completely and sincerely eventually won them over. fatima even met kun's parents with equal success, although kun's mother kept asking when fatima and kun would get married.

(their wedding was already in the works by both fatima's mother and kun's mother. you were beyond elated to go to both the traditional muslim ceremony and the traditional chinese ceremonies.)

johnny and sia ended up going out on a couple more dates before realizing that they probably just weren't meant to be a couple. they loved each other as friends and were probably always going to hold a special place in each other's lives but it just wouldn't be as each other's significant others. johnny was already starting to retreat from the frat boy lifestyle after meeting a girl at the library one day. and sia had finally met someone who could handle her crazy personality with a sweet smile, bringing her back down to reality whenever she went a little...too lively. you're looking forward to meeting him over summer, where the four of you and your friends were going on a vacation together.

roseanne, yugyeom, and miyeon still haven't put a label on their relationship. but you've caught roseanne falling asleep in yugyeom's arms more than once (one too many times than rosie cares to admit) so you figure that it's a good thing that they've all found each other. as unconventional as their relationship might be, they all mesh together so well that you can't even find it in yourself to question it. all's fair in love and war.

jaehyun and you frequent the diner as a favorite date night spot to visit, although you're upset to hear that they're remodeling the entire establishment for favor of a new, more 'modern' atmosphere. although how modern a diner could get was a little bit of a strange notion. but as people change, so do the winds.

and when you walk into the diner the next semester, hand in hand with jaehyun, you're a little comforted to see that diner is now a speakeasy (in true 1970s fashion) with three words written in blinding rhinestones against the velvet background. of course.

ric flair drip.

#jnnul #nct fic #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #jaehyun smut #nct smut #nct 127 fic #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #jaehyun angst #nct angst #nct x reader #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 x reader #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 1 year

Text

One Call Away (M)

Part Seven of the Pathetic series

Tags: 20k words, dub con for safety reasons, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry), impact play, masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, lowkey the slow-burniest part, appearances from everyone's least favorite, side-character heaven

Summary:

After Jeonghan’s confession, y/n struggles to figure out how she feels

You didn’t end up sleeping. Not because you were uncomfortable but because you were fighting your thoughts all night. You wanted to be sure of how you felt before you did anything but at the same time all you wanted to do was lay on Jeonghan’s chest. Hear him breathing.

You wanted to know what it was like to be intimate with him in that kind of way. Something that you knew he wanted with you. You just weren’t sure if you really felt the same way or if your simple sexual attraction to him and the intense nature of your twos’ relationship made you think you wanted him in that way.

You didn’t want to just leave Jeonghan but when you heard the other boys moving around outside Jeonghan’s door you felt like it was better than waiting for him to wake up and for him to realize that you hadn’t slept at all that night.

You changed into a different set of clothes and wondered exactly how you would be able to sneak out. However, the minute you stepped into the hallway your plans were dashed. Seungcheol was leaning against the wall. He looked up at you from beneath his bangs, raising an eyebrow in your direction.

“Well?”

You pressed your lips together, and quietly closed the door behind you.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “How did you know I would be up?”

“I didn’t,” Seungcheol admitted, a smile flickering across his face as if you two were sharing some kind of secret. “Is Jeonghan still sleeping?”

You nodded.

“What did he tell you?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you,” you said. “It’s kind of… Personal.”

Seungcheol looked confused, and you could tell he wanted to prod more but after a few seconds of clear torment he seemed to let it go.

“Mingyu already knows you’re still here,” he said softly. “You’re not going to be able to get out easily.”

Your eyes fell to the ground, and you muttered a soft curse.

“Is there a window I can climb out of?”

It was a joke. Seungcheol laughed.

“Are you really going to leave Jeonghan without saying goodbye?”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” you said softly. “But… I have a lot of thinking to do. I can’t really…” You were saying too much. You didn’t think that Seungcheol knew how Jeonghan felt about you. “You should really talk to him yourself.”

“You have to stay for breakfast,” Seungcheol said with a shrug. “Everyone knows you’re here. You really going to risk hurting Mingyu’s feelings?”

It hadn’t occurred to you that leaving in the morning without a word would hurt more than just Jeonghan’s feelings, but now that Seungcheol mentioned it you knew he was right. God, you hated that he was right.

You could barely handle the idea of hurting Jeonghan’s feelings right now. He had been so vulnerable with you… You didn’t want him to never open up to someone ever again because of how you reacted in this situation. And you definitely didn’t want to hurt the feelings of thirteen men.

You quirked your head to the side, insinuating to Seungcheol that if he led you would follow. The moment that you stepped into the kitchen; half of the boys let out excited exclamations.

“Y/n is back!” Mingyu said excitedly. “Jeonghan has been such a dick without you around.”

You rolled your eyes at the sentiment, thinking it was odd that they were so excited to see you, when Seokmin added: “I don’t know what’s worse. Hearing you two go at it at night or having Jeonghan yell at us about the littlest things.”

“I think the latter is worse,” Jun said, a smile crossing his face. To his credit he looked genuinely surprised to see you. You supposed you hadn’t seen him at all last night. “Mingyu was over the moon at the fact you were going to be here.”

“I made porridge,” Mingyu said excitedly. He put a bowl in front of you. “Have you ever had it before?”

You laughed and shook your head. You picked up a spoon and as you went to try the food Mingyu sat down next to you, his eyes wide as he watched you.

You laughed aagain nd took a bite.

You let a dramatic pause fill the room, making sure to keep your face neutral. You could tell that it was driving him crazy to see what you were going to say.

After a minute, you smiled.

“Of course, it’s amazing.”

You wondered if this was what it was usually like for the boys of Alpha Mu. Did they get really attached to the partners one another had the way they seemed to have gotten attached to you? Even Seokmin who was clearly annoyed to have to deal with the sound of you and Jeonghan at night seemed to enjoy your company.

You wondered if any of them had stayed friends with partners after break ups.

Still, you tried not to think about it too much. You wanted to focus on less stressful things.

“There is sleeping beauty!” Minghao said, a smile crossing his lips. You looked over your shoulder to find Jeonghan standing there. His hair was messy, his eyes still a little red and puffy from sleeping. He looked annoyed, but then his eyes flickered to you and the annoyance dissipated.

Fuck, why did that just make you feel even more conflicted?

“Why do you always sleep so late?” Joshua chided. “You always make y/n come down alone.”

Jeonghan looked away from you and shrugged.

“She doesn’t mind. She’s always been good at waiting for me.”

He had said it before, but this time it felt different. You patted the spot next to you for Jeonghan to sit down.

“I do have to go soon,” you admitted. You didn’t say what you should. I waited because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But I don’t know my feelings yet. “But how can I say no to a Mingyu breakfast?”

Despite the fact you didn’t say it out loud, you had a feeling that Jeonghan could hear your thoughts. His expression dropped a little, for just a second, but you noticed. A smile crossed his lips immediately after and if you didn’t know any better you would say that he was completely fine.

You looked at Seungcheol, who pressed his lips together tightly and glanced to the side. You got the gist. You turned your eyes back to Jeonghan.

“No one would say no to a Mingyu breakfast,” Jeonghan agreed.

Breakfast wasn’t awkward but it was frustrating. You shouldn’t want it, but you really wanted Jeonghan to touch you as if he hadn’t confessed his love to you and you hadn’t not given him an answer back.

You didn’t want to admit it out loud, but you loved the way that he always had his hands on you when you two were together. Before you had thought he was just touchy, but thinking back on it you were realizing that it was actually the way he had been showing you that all his attention was on you even when it seemed like it wasn’t.

You wanted to be mad that he had thought he needed to dangle other people in your face to get your attention but thinking about it now you really hadn’t ever given him attention. You had constantly tried to leave before he woke up, never texted him or called him, never visited him where you knew he lived and only came when there was a party to crash.

No wonder he had been so desperate.

“I really should get going,” you insisted, ignoring the protests from all the boys. You rolled your eyes. “I’ll be around.”

Were you just saying that to make the others feel better or did you actually mean it?

You glanced at Jeonghan giving him a smile and a nod. Jeonghan gave you back that same convincing smile that he had been giving out all morning. You avoided eye contact with Seungcheol and started to head home.

When you walked into your apartment, you were surprised to find Jun and Jeongyeon waiting for you in the kitchen. You blinked, looking from Jun to the shoes that he had left at the entrance. Your mouth fell open a little.

“How did you…?” Your head fell to the side a little bit, the corner of your mouth turning up in confusion. “How did you get here before me?”

Jun waved off your confusion.

“Not important. What happened with Jeonghan?” He asked. “I thought you two weren’t talking? And then I heard you two last night-”

“How could you not tell me?” Jeongyeon blurted, a mostly exaggerated flash of hurt crossing her face. “What made you decide to start talking to Jeonghan again?”

“Well…” You trailed off as you kicked your shoes off your feet. “You know how Seungcheol came to see me? He convinced me to go to the party last night in disguise so I could see for myself that Jeonghan wasn’t sleeping with other people.”

“And?” Jeongyeon prodded. Both her and Jun were for some reason sitting on your kitchen counter and they both patted the space in between them simultaneously. You rolled your eyes but started over there.

“Well, I kind of sabotaged the plan by talking to Jeonghan and he figured out it was me,” you admitted. As soon as you had hopped up on the counter next to them, Jeongyeon hopped down. She went over to the freezer and pulled out three pint-sized cartons of ice cream. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion.

“When did you…?”

“I bought these when you and Jeonghan first stopped talking,” Jeongyeon explained, handing a carton to both you and Jun along with some spoons. “I know you and Jeonghan have always been kind of emotionally detached but I wanted to prepare for the worst.”

You pressed your lips together.

That was the real problem with all of this. That right there was the real reason that this situation required so much thinking. You had been emotionally detached from Jeonghan. You had done such a good job putting Jeonghan in the Just Sex box that now you were having trouble putting him in any other box.

“Oh god, what did Jeonghan say to you?” Jeongyeon asked after you had been silent for a few moments.

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Jun speculated. “They did have sex last night and they seemed fine at breakfast this morning.”

“Jeonghan loves me.”

Silence fell between the two. You could feel them staring at you and it only made your mind race even faster. You groaned and buried your face in your hands, leaving the cold cartoon of ice cream pressed between your thighs.

“Well, he didn’t say that but he said that,” you continued. “He told me that he’s liked me since freshmen year. That I’m too good for him. That he is so crazy about me he couldn’t deal with me not being the same level of crazy for him.”’

“No, he didn’t,” Jun said, but it wasn’t that he didn’t believe you. It was in pure astonishment.

“He said: ‘When I say that I crave you, I mean it in a way you will never fully understand’.”

Jeongyeon squealed a little next to you, reaching across your lap to hit Jun on his thigh.

“I knew it,” she said excitedly. “I called this! I knew that Jeonghan had fallen for you!”

You looked up, giving Jeongyeon a strained look. She let out a nervous laugh.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “But isn’t this a good thing?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted with a sigh. “Is it? I’m not in love with Jeonghan.”

“Maybe not,” Jeongyeon agreed. There was a long stretch of silence between the three of you. “But also… Maybe you are?”

Luckily it didn’t seem like you were the only one who thought that didn’t make sense.

“Huh?” Jun mumbled. Jeongyeon hummed, jumping off the counter to head over to the living room. You and Jun followed her in tow. Jeongyeon sat on the couch, Jun on the arm of the couch, and you on the floor.

“Like… You’re not in love with him. Of course not, because when boundaries are in front of you, you don’t cross them,” Jeongyeon started. As she spoke you took a spoonful of ice cream. To give Jeongyeon credit where it was due: She knew you the best out of anyone. How did she remember what your favorite ice cream flavor was? “But I mean… You did cross the boundary a little. Didn’t you?”

Maybe she didn’t know you as well as you thought.

“No, I didn’t-”

“That day you were telling me that Jeonghan was going to sleep with Chaedom and told you not to come over you went over, didn’t you?” She pressed. You fell silent. “Right. And why did you care so much anyways?”

“I didn’t care,” you mumbled. “It was just annoying… I don’t know- I really wanted him that day.”

“Gross,” Jun mumbled. You and Jeongyeon ignored him.

“But didn’t you wonder why?” Jeongyeon continued. “I mean, even after that you didn’t seem to want him as badly as you did then. Why did you want him so badly that day?”

Jeongyeon was raising some great questions, but before you could try to answer them, she was continuing.

“And don’t you think it’s weird that you do all these mundane things with him?” Jeongyeon asked. “Like you’ve had fuck buddies before. Small flings, whatever they didn’t mean anything.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. Jeongyeon’s eyes widened a little and she gestured towards you as if she was trying to make you realize something.

“They didn’t mean anything,” Jeongyeon emphasized. “You didn’t wait for them to wake up or eat breakfast with them. You definitely didn’t end up shopping with them, or staying the night when you two weren’t actively sleeping together.”

“That’s-” Such a good point. “Just because they weren’t persistent like Jeonghan is.”

“Y/n, open your eyes,” Jeongyeon insisted. “You don’t do things you don’t want to do.”

You hadn’t really known Jeonghan for very long at this point, but Jeongyeon’s persistence made you fall silent regardless. She was right. Of course, she was right.

You had been so focused on not liking Jeonghan that you had been ignoring the obvious signs that you did like him. Maybe not love- How could you be in love with Jeonghan so quickly after all, but you did really care for him didn’t you?

If it had been one of your old flings you wouldn’t be so hesitant to break their heart. It would have been easy for you to brush them off and tell them you didn’t feel that way. But you cared about Jeonghan’s feelings.

Fuck, how had you gotten here?

Jeonghan had been frustrated because you weren’t crazy about him the way he was you but weren’t you a little? You had been so jealous of Chaedom, and the only reason that you were so nonchalant about him sleeping with other people was because he had always returned to you. There had been no doubt in your mind that you meant more to him than everyone else at some point. Even if you didn’t think it was love.

Normally that should have been a red flag. You could easily find a different fuck buddy, but Jeonghan had made you feel special even while he was just a fling. Isn’t that what made it so different with him?

“How did this happen?” You asked softly. You groaned and buried your face in your hands. “I mean I know he loves me but Yoon Jeonghan? What if… I don’t know what if he gets bored?”

“I mean, I’m hardly the expert,” Jun interjected. “But isn’t that a fear when getting into any relationship?”

“Which is why I am not looking for a relationship!” You replied. “Because I don’t want those fears. What if he gets bored? What if we break up? What if he still wants to be with other people?”

“He already said that he doesn’t want to date other people. Remember? That was what started all of this in the first place.”

You pursed your lips. Fuck.

“What are your qualms with really being with Jeonghan?” Jun asked. “Like, really?”

“I already said,” you replied. “What if he gets bored of me or what if we don’t work out or-”

“Not in general, of specifically being with Jeonghan,” Jun interrupted. “Like what specific things about Jeonghan worry you? Do you not think that he will be nice to you?”

“What?” You blurted. “Of course, he would be nice to me. Jeonghan is always nice to me.”

“So, you just don’t think he’s ready for a relationship,” Jeongyeon joined in.

“No,” you disagreed again. “I think that Jeonghan has been wanting a relationship for a lot longer than he realizes.”

You shifted a little.

“Do you two not get along emotionally?” Jun prodded.

“Jeonghan can read me really well,” you replied with a shake of your head. “I think that we get along fine.”

“Then what?” Jeongyeon pressed. “What is the grand reason that you are worried that Jeonghan and you would be bad together?”

“Me,” you blurted. Jeongyeon and Jun shared matching wide eyed expressions. “It’s me, okay?”

You looked down into your lap unsurely.

“Jeonghan’s been in love with me since freshmen year,” you said. “That is years of looking at me and filling in the gaps of my personality that he didn’t know and that means that a large part of what he likes about me is just what he hopes I’m like.”

“That’s not-”

“And if that’s not even true what is true is that Jeonghan knows for sure that he is ready to date me. That’s why he admitted he liked me. But yesterday if you had asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship, I would have said no.”

“You’re overthinking it.”

“It’s unfair of me to date him when I’m not ready for a relationship. The problem isn’t Jeonghan. It’s never been Jeonghan. The problem is me. I haven’t been in a relationship for longer than a few months ever. Even the very few people that have been nice to me…”

You trailed off, thinking.

“Hwanwoong… Gunhak…” You strained to think of more. “That’s it. Those are the only two people who have really liked me and maybe been willing to marry me and I got scared and I broke up with them.”

You groaned and fell forward into your hands.

“I can’t hurt Jeonghan guys. Who cares about the others? I can’t hurt Jeonghan.”

Jeongyeon and Jun were quiet for a little bit. In fact, it stretched on for so long that you forced yourself to look back up at them, your hands dragging down your cheeks in frustration.

“Well?” You blurted. “I just barred out my heart and you two aren’t going to say anything?”

Again, they were quiet for a little too long and you dropped your head back into your hands.

“Fuck.”

“It’s just…” Jeongyeon’s words dragged you up out of your hands. “You’ve never… I just… You always acted like you just really didn’t care about relationships. I didn’t realize…”

“Yeah.”

There was silence, before suddenly, Jun broke it.

“Y/n, you’re really stupid.”

“Jun,” Jeongyeon hissed, and you heard him audibly get hit. You looked up at the two in surprise.

“What? She is,” he insisted. “And you are too! You both are really stupid.”

He looked over at you, shoving his hand forward.

“Who cares if you don’t think you are ready for a relationship? No one goes into a relationship knowing for sure that they are going to marry the person they are dating. That’s the hope but not the fact,” he insisted bluntly. “And the fact that you even care about this is just proof that you do care about him.”

“That’s not-”

“You just don’t want to lose him!” Jun interrupted. “If you didn’t care about Jeonghan then this wouldn’t matter at all. You like having sex with him? Say you like him, and you can keep having sex. Who cares about breaking a few hearts on the way?”

“I’m not a monster, Jun,” you said slightly offended by what he was saying.

“I’m just saying you broke up with the others easy right? But you so desperately care about Jeonghan you don’t even want to tell him that you don’t like him.”

Jun leaned back on the couch.

“Maybe I don’t know anything,” he mumbled. “But that sounds like love to me.”

You pressed your lips together.

“That…” You groaned and dropped your head into your hands again. “I just… I really don’t want to hurt him.”

“Stop being stupid,” Jun said, this time reaching over and physically hitting you. “Jeonghan can handle being hurt. And you’re preparing for a storm that you don’t even know is coming. Just do what every other idiot on the planet does and date the guy you like.”

You knew Jun was right.

God, you couldn’t believe that you were getting genuinely good advice from Moon Junhui.

“Jeongyeon-” You looked over at her with a wide and frustrated expression. She had a mostly blank look on her face and she just shook her head.

“I can’t… I can’t say anything, he’s right,” she said in awe. “I mean… Just think about it. Jimin and I dived into a relationship even though I’m pretty sure neither of us really know where it’s going to go. But I mean… I’m not scared.”

“How can you not be scared?” You pressed.

“Because it’s Jimin,” Jeongyeon replied. “The scariest thing I did was admit that I have real feelings for a fuck buddy. Now we’re both in the same boat where we both like each other and we both want to stay together… That’s what matters. Not the possibility of a breakup.”

“Look, this is easy for both of you-” you insisted, but it made Jun hit you again.

“It’s easy for you too! Do you or do you not like Jeonghan?” Jun asked.

“No,” you said stubbornly.

“Right,” Jun replied sarcastically. “That’s why you are thinking about this so much. Just call him y/n.”

Before you could respond Jun walked over to you, digging your phone out of your pocket and shoving it into your hands.

“I can’t tell him that I like him over the phone,” you hissed back. “Okay, I relent. I like Jeonghan. I like his attention; I like his touch sexual or not. I… I want to be close to him. I want to see him every day. It’s thrilling being at a party where everyone wants him but I know at the end of the night he will be with me.”

You knew you didn’t have to say it.

“I just... I can’t tell him over the phone. I’ll go see him…” You trailed off. “But not today. Later. I have to think about what I’m going to say right?”

Was that just an excuse to avoid having to talk to Jeonghan? Yes, yes it was.

Because sure Jeonghan liked you, and sure you liked him, and sure you shouldn’t be scared that this wasn’t going to last but you were scared of it anyways and you didn’t have to think about it. Not yet. Not until you talked to him.

So… You just decided to push off talking to him.

And if it were any better, (your impending Psych degree said it wasn’t) you weren’t talking to anyone. Not Jeonghan, not Yeongtae, not Jeongyeon… Not until your phone started buzzing against your table while you were deep in your psych book.

You slid open the phone, wincing when your ear was hit with loud noises.

“Yeongtae?” You mumbled.

“Not Yeongtae. But calling on behalf of him.” There was silence for a little. “You’re y/n, his only friend right?”

You sighed, were people starting to know you for that reason?

“Yeah, that’s me. Yeongtae’s only friend.”

“He just threw up in a sink at a party. Can you come get him? He keeps saying that you’re the only one who would be willing to come get him.”

“He’s at a party on a Wednesday?”

The person on the other end of the phone, made a sound of offense.

“I’m also at a party on a Wednesday.” You two were quiet for a while. “Are you going to pick him up or not?”

You sighed and closed your textbook. What choice did you really have?

“Yeah, I’ll come get him.”

Your first thought upon getting to the party was that there were way too many people there for a Wednesday. Seriously, who went to a party on a Wednesday?

You wormed through the crowd, avoiding as much eye contact with people as you could.

“Y/n.”

You ignored the calls, immediately recognizing that whoever it was wasn’t Yeongtae.

But the ignoring was pointless.

“Y/n-” The boys voice came again. Louder. Whinier. You rolled your eyes and turned around in time for someone to collide into you. You both stumbled, making the boys head pop up out of your chest. He looked a little dizzy. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall into you.”

You frowned, squinting your eyes.

“Yeonjun?”

“Yeonjun!” He cheered loudly, throwing his hands in the air. The momentum splashed some of his beer out of the top of the cup in his hand and he jumped to the side to avoid it. You raised an eyebrow towards him. “Y/n, I’m so glad you’re here because I need to know how it went with Jeonghan.”

He took a swig of his drink and then his eyes widened.

“I’m so rude-” He thrust his cup forward. “Drink!”

You smiled at him.

“You know, I don’t want any but-” As you spoke you took the cup. “I’m going to take this away from you because I think you have had enough.”

A pout crossed Yeonjun’s lips, and he half-heartedly chased the drink. He gave up however once you had it pulled close to you.

“Why are you here if not to drink?” He asked.

“Looking for Yeongtae,” you replied. Yeonjun’s eyebrows furrowed deeply.

“Yeongtae?”

You raised your hand to Yeongtae’s height.

“This tall… Uh, mullet? I think. Long face?”

Yeonjun looked at you completely lost, and you sighed waving your hands in the air dismissively.

“Yeah, I just, I have to pick him up,” you mumbled. “Unfortunately, he’s my responsibility. He has no friends.”

“If he has no friends, how did he get invited to this party?” Yeonjun asked, with a genuinely confused expression on his face. You pressed your lips together and nodded slowly.

“You know what? Great question,” you agreed. “I really do have to look for Yeongtae. Are you…” You trailed off and gestured to the party around you. “Do you have anyone to get your home?”

“I have friends,” Yeonjun said cryptically. You frowned, but before you could say more Yeonjun was disappearing into the crowd of people.

Weird.

You turned and just as you did you caught a glimpse of the absolute last person that you wanted to see at this party.

Fuck, Yunjun.

You spun around on your heel, instantly desperate to disappear into the crowd, but you knew that Yunjun had seen you.

Yeongtae would be fine without you right? Maybe you could come get him from this place in the morning. Surely Yunjun wouldn’t be here at 8am. Maybe-

“Y/n-”

You resisted the urge to hit yourself in the face. Instead, you just pressed both of your eyes tightly shut and completely froze, hoping that Yunjun would go away. A hand landed on your shoulder.

You forced a smile across your lips, and turned around, shrugging the hand off of you.

“Yunjun,” you said. “How lucky am I to see you again so soon?”

Your enthusiasm wasn’t quite reaching your voice and Yunjun seemed to notice it. He reached forward, fisting his fingers into your shirt and pulled you sharply forward. Your eyes widened.

“Woah-”

Yunjun’s lips quirked up into a smile once you were close to him. His eyes narrowed a little.

“You haven’t been drinking,” he observed. “There’s the y/n that I know.”

You forced your lips into a larger smile and pressed your hands to Yunjun’s shoulders pushing him away with as much strength as you could muster.

“We aren’t doing this,” you said with a laugh. “Like. Really. We aren’t doing this.”

You weren’t sure exactly what it was about this. Was it the fact that it was a party on a Wednesday? Was it the fact that you were there to pick up Yeongtae? Or maybe it was the fact that you knew that someone liked you. The fact that you knew that if you wanted you could be with Jeonghan right now. Sitting on the Alpha Mu living room floor fucking around with legos while Jun begged Minghao for a house cat.

You wanted that. You really, really, wanted that because if that was your life right now you wouldn’t care about your stupid ex at a party. You wouldn’t have been so stressed this weekend and to top it all of you wouldn’t be here at this party picking up Yeongtae alone.

So, you figured, in the end it was that. Your own stupidity that was actually pushing you to speak to Yunjun like this. You were so fucking mad at yourself and you had no one to take it out on because even stupid Yeongtae just meant the best.

But Yunjun?

You had been waiting for ages to tear into him.

And if you were too stupid to simply have a conversation with Jeonghan, you were certainly too stupid to start an argument with Yunjun at a party.

Yunjun’s eyebrows furrowed, the corner of his lips dropping.

“What?”

“I’m not even supposed to be at this party,” you replied. “And you haven’t talked to me in months. Not really. Why would I willingly walk into this?”

Yunjun looked a bit confused. Probably because he was starting to realize that this wasn’t some bit that you were playing as foreplay.

“You can’t keep pretending like you don’t want me,” Yunjun said, but he sounded uncertain. You narrowed your eyebrows at him.

“I don’t want you,” you insisted. “I am not yours anymore and I was barely yours when I was.”

You saw a flicker of irritation go across Yunjun’s face and you knew that you were poking a bear. Honestly, you didn’t really care.

“I can’t really figure out what was worse about you actually. Your ego or the fact that you never made me come even once.”

“Y/n, you better watch your mouth-”

“Or what Yunjun? What are you going to do?” You asked. “What could you possibly do to me in a room full of people?”

You were very aware that you were letting your anger towards your unsure feelings towards Jeonghan get to you and you were very aware that you didn’t really care. But you also were aware of the fact that you would need a quick way out of this situation. You slid your phone out of your pocket, glancing at the screen as you pulled up the contact that you needed.

“Y/n, if you’re trying to play a brat right now you aren’t doing it well,” Yunjun warned.

“Do I look like I’m playing a brat?” You asked him. “Just because someone is finally telling you that you suck doesn’t mean that I’m playing a brat.”

You glanced back down at your phone; the call being picked up practically immediately.

“Y/n you have exactly two seconds to apologize to me,” Yunjun said, and his voice was low. Scary. “Or I’m going to show you exactly what I will do to you in a room full of people who- For your information are not looking at you and are so drunk they won’t notice anything.”

Wordlessly you shoved your phone against Yunjun’s ear, forcing it into his hands. At first Yunjun looked confused, but he took the phone, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Hello?”

He was silent for a moment.

“This is Yunjun, who the fuck is this?” There was some silence. “No.” More silence. More frustration from Yunjun. “It’s not my fault-” He stopped and sighed heavily. “Then why aren’t you here?”

Whatever was said next seemed to do the trick. Yunjun gave you a frustrated look.

“I’m sorry.”

His words were quiet but before you said that he rolled his eyes moving your phone slightly away from his ear.

“I said I’m sorry,” he said louder. He turned his head so that it was clear he was talking to the phone again. “Is that better?”

After a few more moments of silence, he looked at you, pushing your phone back into your hands.

“You…” He looked like he wanted to say more but he didn’t. He just shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Not fucking worth it.”

And then he walked away. You pressed your lips tightly together and glanced down at your phone for a few seconds before bringing the screen to your face. Despite the roar of the party, you could hear the breathing on the other end of the phone very clearly.

“Thank you.”

Your voice was a bit quiet, and you were practically withholding breathing so that you wouldn’t miss the next thing that was said.

“You’re welcome.”

More wasn’t said.

“I…” You were hesitant. “I’m not drunk I just… I was a little angry and I needed some back up.” There was another small stretch of silence. “I don’t usually go to parties on Wednesday’s but I-”

“You don’t have to explain to me why you’re at a party on a Wednesday. And if you wanted to get drunk at a party you know I wouldn’t judge you for that.”

“I know Jeonghan,” you said, and you could hear the desperation in your voice as you spoke. “I just… I want you to know that I really don’t mean to…” Fuck. “I really want to talk to you about it I just…”

“It’s okay,” he replied, but his voice was a little strained. “Take all the time you need.”

Now was a good time for you to hang up the phone.

“Jeonghan can you…” Don’t ask. “Can you pick me up?”

There was shuffling on Jeonghan’s end as soon as the words left your mouth.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

Well, that gave you ten minutes to find Yeongtae.

When Jeonghan pulled up to the house you were sitting directly next to a very drunk Yeongtae who you had found in the kitchen with his head dunked in the sink. Jeonghan rolled down the passenger seat window and took one glance at you two before sighing.

“Come on.”

You wrapped your fingers around Yeongtae’s biceps and dragged him up with you, also supporting him by his elbow. He stumbled next to you, and you struggled to keep him upright.

“Yeongtae,” you urged softly. He glanced up at you. “I know that you like to make my life miserable, but I still haven’t talked to Jeonghan and he is here to pick me… Us up okay? So don’t say anything stupid.”

“It’s not my fault if I say something,” Yeongtae replied, his words comically slurred. “You should have already talked to him. It’s been weeks.”

“It’s been like four days,” you argued back. “Now I’m serious. Be cool.”

You dragged Yeongtae over to Jeonghan’s car, and pulled open the back seat, pushing him in. Yeongtae groaned when his face hit the car seat and you scooted in next to him. You closed the door behind you and tried to wrestle Yeongtae upright in the seat beside you. Jeonghan was quiet as you situated Yeongtae in the seat, clicking the seatbelt across his chest.

Yeongtae’s head drifted to the side and his head bumped against the car window. He groaned.

“I’m sorry to ask,” you said, leaning forward. “I just- Well, I was studying and Yeongtae needed someone to pick him up.”

Jeonghan glanced over at you over his shoulder.

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” he said softly. You placed your hand on the center console of the car, which gave Jeonghan the opportunity to take your hand in his. He pulled you forward a little bit by your hand and a small smile flickered across his lips.

“No matter what our relationship becomes, no matter what you say to me, you can always call me if you need anything,” he said softly. “I really don’t want you to think that you ever need to apologize to me for anything.”

You were quiet for a little bit, looking at Jeonghan’s hand in yours.

“You told me that you’ve liked me since freshmen year and I just… Left.”

“At least you stayed for breakfast,” he replied. You couldn’t help the way that it caused a smile tug at the corner of your lips. Still though, you felt bad. “Where am I taking you and your dashing secret boyfriend?”

He laughed and gave your hand a squeeze. You ignored the secret boyfriend comment. He deserved to take jabs at your relationship with Yeongtae given the current circumstance.

“Can you take me to my place?” You asked him softly. “Yeongtae doesn’t have a roommate and I hate his place.”

Jeonghan’s hand left yours and he shifted the cars’ gear.

“Put your seat belt on,” he said. You nodded and leaned back into the seat, putting on your seat belt as you were told.

“I wasn’t going to come out,” you repeated softly. Even though Jeonghan told you that you didn’t have to explain you felt like you needed to. “It’s just that Yeongtae’s been trying so hard to make friends that he’s been going out a lot and, you know, he has no friends so when he got super drunk today, they called me. And I was just going to walk him home but-”

“You ran into Yunjun,” Jeonghan filled in. You nodded, even though Jeonghan couldn’t see you.

“I just didn’t have anyone else to call,” you said, but that wasn’t exactly true. You didn’t know what to say to Jeonghan about his confession. But you knew what you wanted to say.

… No you didn’t. You thought you knew what you wanted to say. You had the idea of what you wanted to say. You just didn’t know how to say it yet. All you knew was that you did have other people you could have called. You just chose to call Jeonghan because you wanted an excuse to see him.

That wasn’t fair. Jeonghan deserved a real response.

“Jeonghan,” you said softly. “I have a question that I shouldn’t really ask you.”

He glanced at you from in the rearview mirror.

“Ask it,” he said softly. You glanced away from him and looked at Yeongtae beside you. His face was red, and still pressed up against the window. He was sweating a little. You reached over, brushing his hair out of his face and pressing the back of your hand to his forehead so that you could feel the heat through your hand.

“Have you ever wanted a real relationship before?”

He was quiet for a second.

“No,” he replied. You glanced at the back of his head. “The only person who has ever made me want something serious is you.”

The car went over a pothole, and it made Yeongtae hit his head on the window. He groaned and tipped forward. You caught him with a hand to his chest.

“Woah.”

“Why did you let me drink so much?” Yeongtae groaned out. “I just wanted to impress Chaeryeong from Bio.”

You patted his back.

“For one, I had no control over how much you drank,” you commented. Yeongtae let out another groan, letting his head tip into your chest. You sighed and patted his head. “I’m sure Chaeryeong was really impressed when she saw you throwing up in the sink.”

You heard Jeonghan let out a small, amused huff from the front seat and you glanced up at him.

“Y/n, I feel so miserable,” Yeongtae whined, drawing your eyes back down to him.

“That’s your own fault, you idiot.”

You didn’t live very far away from the party and after only a few more minutes of bickering between you and Yeongtae Jeonghan was putting the car in park at the curb of your place. You unbuckled yourself and got out. You walked around to Yeongtae’s side of the car and opened the door, unbuckling him too. You ducked your head under Yeongtae’s arm, pulling him out of the car.

“Tell Jeonghan thank you,” you murmured.

“Thank you Jeonghan,” Yeongtae pressed out. “I know you hate me, but I really think that we are like friends you know?”

Jeonghan looked back at you two and you could tell from his expression that he didn’t agree. His eyes flickered up to you. You shot him a just play along with it expression and he sighed.

“Sure,” he replied tightly. “Friends.”

You mouthed thank you back at him and pulled Yeongtae out of the car, kicking the door shut with the back of your foot. You struggled to get Yeongtae over to the front door and once you got there you leaned Yeongtae against the wall so that you could get your keys out.

“Y/n.”

You look back over your shoulder at Jeonghan who had his window rolled down.

“Come here.”

You glanced at Yeongtae who looked… Stable, at the very least and then walked back over to Jeonghan’s car. You hid your hands behind your back.

“Yeah?”

Jeonghan looked frustrated by your distance, but he didn’t voice it.

“I just want you to know that I meant everything I said back then, and I meant everything I said tonight. It’s okay if you never give me an answer. I don’t care, I really don’t. What I really care about is you.”

He let his head fall to the side.

“I was so glad that you called me tonight. Even if it doesn’t mean you like me back… You remember what I said about… Reassurance?” he asked softly. You nodded. “You trust me. Even if you don’t like me the way I like you. You trust me. That’s all I care about.”

You felt your heart thudding in your chest.

“Jeonghan I-”

“Yeongtae is falling.”

Your eyes widened and you rushed back over to Yeongtae who was in fact sliding down the wall. You caught him by his bicep and pulled him back up to his feet. When you turned around Jeonghan’s lips were pressed into a small smile.

“I’m serious,” he called over to you. “You never have to respond to my confession if you don’t want to. I just want you in my life. That’s all.”

Before you could reply, Jeonghan raised a hand in Yeongtae’s direction.

“Hope you’re okay tomorrow Yeongtae.”

Yeongtae looked up, the biggest smile spreading across his lips.

“Goodbye best friend!” He exclaimed loudly. Jeonghan’s expression morphed into a slightly strained one and then before you could say anything else to him Jeonghan was driving away. You looked at the spot his car had been, completely forgetting about your plans to get back upstairs for a moment.

Then, you were very aware of the fact that Yeongtae was quite loudly sobbing on you.

“How long are you going to make Jeonghan wait?” Yeongtae cried out, and you looked down at him to see very real tears running down his face. “He’s my best friend and I love him so much.”

You gaped at the crying boy.

“Everyone with two eyes… No anyone with even one eye- no eyes! knows that you love Jeonghan. Just tell him already. Date him, he’s the perfect guy, and then finally we’ll be able to hang out without you because he won’t have to pretend to hate me.”

You fought the urge to tell Yeongtae that Jeonghan hadn’t been pretending when he said he hated him before and you immensely regretted the fact that you let Yeongtae be so involved with your life. You had called him after talking to Jun and Jeongyeon to tell him everything only for him to tell you the same things that they were. Annoying.

“We better get you inside,” was all you said.

“So… It’s Friday.”

You looked up at Yeongtae, your eyebrows furrowing at him.

“Yep,” you agreed. You were trying to read.

“It’s been a week since Jeonghan confessed to you and you haven’t even seen him since.”

“That’s not true,” you denied with a sigh. “We saw him Wednesday.”

Yeongtae’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“We did…?” He struggled to recall the memory for a moment before shaking his head. “Not the point- “Look, y/n you have to talk to him. You can’t keep avoiding him.”

You actually could keep avoiding him. In fact, nothing but pure decency was stopping you from doing so.

But, regardless, you knew what Yeongtae meant. You still didn’t give Yeongtae an answer. You looked back down at your book, willing Yeongtae and his common sense to go away.

“I heard he’s going to be at a non-Alpha Mu party tonight,” Yeongtae continued, completing ignoring your silent wishes. “You should really go.”

“He probably doesn’t even want me there,” you said, but you both knew that wasn’t true. “He hates it when I just come see him at parties.”

“Then start seeing him outside of parties,” Yeongtae said with a roll of his eyes. “But you can’t keep avoiding him. Avoidance hurts more than anything else.”

You knew he was right. You hated that he was right. You were the pysch major. You were the one that was supposed to know, be right, and act upon these things. But instead, you were being the wildly unhealthy one.

“Should you be going to parties right now?” You asked him, trying to divert the attention away from yourself. “You don’t seem to have good alcohol tolerance.”

Yeongtae feigned offense, but he didn’t really fall for your diversion.

“I’m trying to get a social circle,” Yeongtae replied, a pout crossing his lips. “You met me at a party. You met Jeonghan at a party. I’m trying to meet my Jeonghan at a party.”

You stared at him.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m not…” You felt frustrated. “I’m trying to read Yeongtae.”

Yeongtae snatched the book out of your hands and squinted at it.

“Is this a romance?” He asked you. “You are living a romance. Why are you reading about one instead of living yours?”

You snatched the book back from Yeongtae and hit him hard on the shoulder with it. He let out a very loud and audible grunt.

“Y/n!” He protested. “I really don’t know why Jeonghan likes you you’re so mean.”

There was a pout on his lips, and you ignored it. You opened your book back up, thumbing through the pages to try and get back to where you were. Before you could get far, however, the book was being taken away from you again.

“You are not sitting in this apartment another night avoiding your feelings like an idiot,” Yeongtae insisted. He opened up your window and before you could stop him he threw your book out of the window.

“Yeongtae what the-”

You rushed over to the window, just in time to see the book audibly hit the ground.

“You can’t just-”

Yeongtae grabbed you by your wrist and he tugged you away from the window.

“We’re going,” he said pointedly.

“He might not even be there!” You protested loudly.

“He’s going to be there,” Yeongtae argued.

“He never goes to non-Alpha Mu parties,” you argued back.

“They are all going to be there.”

“No, they aren’t.”

Yeongtae pulled out his phone, and pointedly pulled up a contact that said Seungcheol. He put the phone on speaker and you two stood there, staring at each other as the phone rang and rang and-

“Your call can not to be completed as dialed, Choi-”

Yeongtae’s face dusted pink and he ended the line before immediately calling again. The phone rang and rang and-

“Your call can not-“

Yeongtae’s face reddened and he immediately called again. This time the call rang three more times before finally someone picked up.

“Hello…? Who-”

“Seungcheol!” Yeongtae said quickly. “Hey, it’s Yeongtae and-”

“Yeongtae?” You could hear Seungcheol’s confusion. “How did you get my phone number?”

Yeongtae laughed, clearly trying to save face in front of you.

“We’re friends!”

“We’re not friends,” Seungcheol protested. You huffed out a laugh. Apparently a mistake. “Is that… Is y/n with you?”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head quickly trying to tell Yeongtae not to tell Seungcheol you were there.

“Yes it is!” Yeongtae replied. “Say hi y/n.” You shut your eyes in frustration and silence strung out between the three of you. Silence that went on for a full minute before you finally broke it.

“Hi Cheol,” you mumbled reluctantly. You both heard some whispering on the other end of the phone.

“What are you two… Shut up, shut up they’re going to hang up- What are you two calling about?”

“I’m trying to force y/n to the party,” Yeongtae replied. “But she doesn’t believe that you are all even going to be there.”

More talking over the phone, it was somewhat muffled but you could make out what was being said.

“This is good, we want her at the party.”

“Would Jeonghan want her to see him like this?”

“It doesn’t matter- they need to-“

You could hear the audible sound of Seungcheol leaving whatever room he was in.

“Yeongtae’s right, we’re actually... Jeonghan’s already at the party.”

Seungcheol fell silent, but Yeongtae was taking his words in stride. He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, and you could practically hear him saying I told you so.

You snatched Yeongtae’s phone from him and covered the speaker on it.

“I am not going to the party. This is humiliating,” you hissed. “It’s bad enough people are starting to associate you and me as friends-”

“We are friends, and I know that you aren’t really embarrassed of me,” Yeongtae argued back. He was right, you were friends, and you weren’t embarrassed of him, but the slightly offended expression on his face was too funny for you not to keep the joke going.

“What would Jeonghan do if he found out that I only came to the party because you dragged me there.”

“He doesn’t care.” Seungcheol’s voice came muffled from the phone. “Y/n, he just wants to hear from you.”

Everyone on the phone call knew that wasn’t true. He definitely would care if Yeongtae was the one that finally got you to come to the party. And honestly, you didn’t blame him. If Jeonghan was doing the same thing you were doing with Yeongtae with Chaedom…? You would be mad too.

Of course, there was one stark difference between Chaedom and Yeongtae and that was that Yeongtae genuinely didn’t want to fuck you, but Chaedom definitely did want to fuck Jeonghan.

“Y/n.”

You looked up from the phone to find that Yeongtae was looking at you. His expression was more serious than you had ever seen it before. Every single trace of humor gone from his face despite having been there moments ago.

“You can’t stop avoiding him. You’re going to regret it. You know you’re going to regret it. You have to go see him.”

Again silence strung out between the three of you. You repressed the urge to sigh and nodded once.

“Okay, yeah.” You looked down at Yeongtae’s phone as if you could look at Seungcheol. “Can you text Yeongtae the details? We can be there soon.”

You could see the small smile that crossed Seungcheol’s face even though you couldn’t see him.

“Okay, see you two soon.”

The line disconnected and you shot Yeongtae an annoyed glare.

“I really didn’t want to go to a party this week,” you mumbled. Yeongtae shot you a smile.

“Guess you should’ve put that psych degree to work earlier then.”

When you and Yeongtae got to the party, you did the obvious thing and immediately abandoned him at the door. You didn’t think that he was expecting you to hang out with him longer but if he was than it didn’t matter at all because you were gone so fast that he couldn’t stop you even if he wanted to.

After all, if you were going to be forced to a non-Alpha Mu party because you needed to talk to Jeonghan you weren’t going to put off talking to Jeonghan. The longer that you avoided talking to Jeonghan while at a party was really just… The longer you had to be at a party.

Besides, you missed Jeonghan.

Did you deserve to miss him after you had ignored him for so long? Not really. But you missed him regardless.

You didn’t spot Jeonghan, not first. But you did spot someone from Alpha Mu pretty fast.

“Hey,” you said, waving down Soonyoung. He turned to you, his lips turning up into a huge smile.

“Y/n!” He said excitedly. He grabbed onto the shoulders of the boy next to him. “Woo! It’s y/n!”

Wonwoo sent a tired smile your way.

“It’s good you’re here,” he said. “I thought you and Jeonghan had made up?”

“Uh,” you weren’t really sure what to say. “It’s complicated.”

It wasn’t really.

“Where’s Jeonghan?” You asked, ignoring the slightly dazed expression that was now on Soonyoung’s face. He turned his attention and jumped excitedly, grabbing someone else beside him.

“Y/n’s here!” He exclaimed again, laughing loudly. You couldn’t help the chuckle that ran through you, and the tired smile on Wonwoo’s face deepened.

“Jeonghan is… Unfortunately, fighting for his life against Chaedom,” Wonwoo said. You felt a pang run through your body at her name, and you tried and failed to keep your reaction hidden from Wonwoo.

He rolled his eyes.

“You two are ridiculous,” he mumbled, and you really almost didn’t hear it over the roar of the party. Wonwoo pointed through the crowd, towards the stairs. You tried to ignore the heaviness in your chest and instead focused on worming through the crowd. Part of you had wished that Wonwoo had taken you to Jeonghan himself, but those thoughts dissipated when you spotted Jeonghan and Chaedom.

Jeonghan had a red solo cup in hand, uncharacteristic, and Chaedom draped over his side. To his credit, he didn’t look like he particularly wanted her there.

You made your way over to them, clearing your throat when you were close enough that you thought they could hear. Both of them looked up at the sound, whatever secret conversation they were having seeming to die.

Jeonghan’s lips quirked up in a tired smile, while Chaedom just rolled her eyes, and rolled herself onto Jeonghan’s body.

“Hannie,” she purred. “Why are we still down here? Let’s go to a room, huh?”

You fought the urge to tear her off of Jeonghan yourself and it was genuinely taking all of your willpower to not do so.

“Y/n.” As Jeonghan spoke he pushed at Chaedom’s face, his cup falling to the ground and splashing alcohol all over their feet. Chaedom squealed pulling away from him, which was something that he took in stride.

He stumbled over to you, dropping his entire body weight onto you. You grunted as you tried to catch him, stumbling as well. Luckily, you were able to steady the two of you. Jeonghan swung his face to meet yours, a smile crossing his lips.

“Why are you here?” He asked you. You could smell the alcohol on his lips, and you frowned. You pulled away from him, your thumb going to his bottom lip. You pulled his lip down your eyebrows furrowing as the alcohol scent grew stronger.

“Were you drinking?” You asked. He whined, quiet loudly honestly, and his head fell into the crook of your neck.

“No.”

“You’re lying,” you bit back. You pushed Jeonghan’s head back, giving him an annoyed look. “I thought you were done lying to me.”

“I couldn’t help it,” Jeonghan admitted. “I can tell you’re mad at me. I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

“I get mad when you lie to me,” you replied, pointedly.

“You can’t get mad at him for drinking.”

You sent a glare towards the offending girl which only resulted in Chaedom placing her hands on Jeonghan’s back. She patted Jeonghan, her fingers curling in the fabric of Jeonghan’s shirt. She tugged on him.

“I wouldn’t be mad at you for drinking, Jeonghan.”

You rolled your eyes, tugging him away from her.

“Chaedom, you’re about to make me mad,” you snapped. “I think that if Jeonghan wanted to spend time with you he would have done so already.”

Jeonghan didn’t seem to care about the conversation that you two were having. Instead, he tightened his grip around you.

“Y/n,” he mumbled into your skin. You felt a shiver run through your body as the words vibrated over you. You pushed Jeonghan back again by his forehead.

“Jeonghan,” you replied, an eyebrow raising in his direction. “It isn’t like you to get drunk.”

His lips were stretched down into a frown, and it was in this light that you could see how red his cheeks were.

“It’s been a week, y/n,” he mumbled. “I’ve been waiting for you for a week.” He thought back over what he said and sighed. “Two days since I’ve seen you… A week since I confessed… Wednesday doesn’t really count.”

Pain panged through your heart at Jeonghan’s words, and you blinked in surprise. You opened your mouth to say something to him. Apologize maybe… Something.

Instead, before you could, Jeonghan tipped his head back into the nap of your neck.

“You know, I don’t even care if you like me back,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Just need you to stop doing this to me. Stop leaving me.”

The party around you felt quiet in this moment.

“I think I should get you home,” you mumbled softly. Jeonghan protested against you.

“No, we’re at a party,” he protested. “Chan is going to be so mad if I leave. He wanted me to come here.”

“I think Chan will understand if you leave,” you said back. “I won’t take you back home, okay? I’ll bring you over to my place.”

Getting Jeonghan back to your place was a hassle, mostly in that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t shake Chaedom off of your tail.

“You can’t get him back alone.” She pointed out. You tried to turn the attention away from her and get one of the boys to help you but as you were trying to get their attention Chaedom was dragging Jeonghan out of the party.

You cursed and rushed out to them.

“Chaedom.”

Her smile was sickeningly sweet.

“I’m just trying to help,” she insisted. “Where are we going?”

She cooed against Jeonghan’s ear.

“Maybe he would be happier back at my place.”

You glared at her.

“My apartment is a five minutes’ walk from here.”

You ducked yourself under one of Jeonghan’s arms. You sort of wished he wasn’t drunk solely for the fact that currently he was completely useless.

You weren’t sure exactly how much he had to drink that night but honestly it seemed like the only thing he could do was walk forward at your prodding. He wasn’t in any way interested in Chaedom, but just her holding Jeonghan despite the fact that she was helping was making you angry.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” You mumbled as the three of you got to your front door. She shook her head.

“I’m still waiting for Jeonghan to remember that I’m here,” she replied softly. She reached around, tapping Jeonghan’s cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over to my place baby?”

That tightness coiled in your chest, and you slapped her hand away from his face.

“Chaedom,” you warned. “He’s not your fucking baby.”

Chaedom rolled her eyes at your words, but readjusted her grip on Jeonghan again so that she was just supporting him. Jeonghan however, seemed to think that now was the right time to pipe into the conversation.

“Shouldn’t curse,” he chided you softly. “’s bad.”

You pressed your lips together, your eyes briefly fluttering shut because what the fuck. After a second however your attention was back on your front door. You pushed the door open, wide enough for Jeonghan (and subsequently Chaedom) to come inside.

Once inside, Jeonghan was able to unwrap himself from Chaedom’s grasp. He stumbled into your living room, and then glanced over at you from his shoulder.

“Remember the last time we were here?” He asked, his voice high and teasing.

“Jeonghan-”

“You literally crawled.” He shook his head in disbelief and looked over at Chaedom. “She’s literally so good for me. Does whatever I want her to.”

His words were a bit slurred, but unfortunately Chaedom could hear him just fine. Her lips pressed into a firm line.

“I could be good for you,” she protested. Jeonghan hummed, and suddenly dropped to the ground. Both you and Chaedom darted forward but before either of you could reach him, he was steadying himself so that he was sitting on the floor.

“You’re not good for me,” he denied, peering at Chaedom. “You don’t listen very well.”

“Jeonghan, get off the floor,” you chided with a sigh. You closed the distance between you two and pulled at his forearm. He refused to budge.

“I don’t want to,” he insisted.

“You sound like a baby,” you said bluntly. He pulled his arm out of your grasp and wrapped his arms over his chest.

“You should do something with me,” he insisted. “We could watch a movie, and I could fuck you during the climax.”

You shot Jeonghan a glare.

“Would you fuck me if I was drunk?” You asked him. He pressed his lips together in annoyance, but that was answer enough. “Then I’m not fucking you while you’re drunk.”

“I would let you fuck me while you were drunk,” Chaedom piped up unhelpfully.

“Chaedom-”

Before you could finish telling her off, Jeonghan’s fingers wrapped around your hand and he suddenly tugged you down. You let him bend your body forward, surprised by the sudden contact. Once he had you so that your face was near his he placed both of his hands on your cheeks, squeezing your face in his hands.

“Y/n, I just missed you,” he said, and there was a pathetic pout spread over his lips. Part of you wanted to blame the alcohol entirely on the behavior, but deep down you knew you couldn’t really. Jeonghan would probably talk to you like this either way. “I just really fucking missed you.”

It was probably just because Chaedom was here- No it was definitely because Chaedom was here, but you felt irritation shoot through you at his words.

“You shouldn’t curse,” you replied, sending his own words back at him. “It’s bad.”

That pout deepened on his lips for a moment and you felt bad for about two seconds.

“I don’t know why she is treating you like a baby,” Chaedom said. She walked up to the two of you and crouched down in front of Jeonghan. Jeonghan glanced at her. Briefly. But it bothered you. You pulled out of Jeonghan’s hands.

You willed yourself to not be so jealous of their interactions. It was really stupid to be upset when Jeonghan was practically giving Chaedom no attention at all.

“You need water,” you murmured. You walked into your kitchen, screaming in your head. “Chaedom would you like some too?”

“That would be nice yeah.”

You fought yourself from mocking her. You started to grab water from your fridge for the two and as you did you could hear Jeonghan and Chaedom talking and shuffling around. You forced yourself to focus on your fridge. Begging yourself not to turn around because it would just make you upset.

“Han-”

Something collided into your back jostling your body forward a little. You caught yourself on the door of the fridge, turning over your shoulder when you realized it was just Jeonghan. He wrapped his arms around your body and groaned into your back.

“Y/n, I don’t want water.”

You shimmied around in Jeognhan’s arms so that you were facing him. You buried your fingers into his hair and pulled his head up. He still had a dumb pout on his face, and it just made your heart skip a beat in your chest.

God, he was so cute.

“I didn’t ask if you wanted water,” you replied pointedly. You blindly reached into your fridge and luckily, grabbed a water bottle. You pulled it out of the fridge and took the lid off the bottle. You pressed it to his lips. “Drink.”

Jeonghan turned away from the bottle.

“No,” he argued back. “Kiss me.”

“You taste like alcohol,” you replied. “Drink the water, and maybe I’ll kiss you.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed at you in frustration.

“But-”

You pushed the bottle back in front of his lips.

“Maybe,” you reasserted.

Jeonghan sighed and took the bottle out of your hands. When he lowered the bottle back down, half of the water was gone. A smile crossed his lips.

“A kiss?”

“I thought you said you didn’t care if I liked you,” you said softly. Jeonghan pulled himself closer to you, his face coming within inches of yours.

“I lied,” Jeonghan reasserted. He pressed closer to you, so that your lips brushed his. A smile crossed his lips and his eyes darted down. How could you say no to that?

You pressed your lips to his, something that Jeonghan immediately took control of. His hands raised to your face just so that he could deepen the kiss, but you didn’t let that last for too long. You pulled away from him, ignoring the way he chased you and whined.

“Y/n,” he insisted. You pulled yourself all the way out of his arms, and turned back to the fridge, grabbing a second water bottle.

“Finish your water and we’ll talk,” you replied. Jeonghan grumbled but raised his bottle back to his lips. You turned your attention back to Chaedom who was just sitting on your floor watching the two of you with an annoyed expression on her face.

You handed her the water bottle, trying not to throw it in her face.

“Did you drink a lot too?” You asked her. Or did you just get Jeonghan to drink a lot?

“Do you really care?” She bit back.

Touché.

You got to stand there for a good two seconds before Jeonghan was falling into you again.

“I drank a lot,” Jeonghan insisted. You raised an eyebrow towards him. “I meant water. I drank a lot of water.”

You rolled your eyes.

“You need to go to sleep,” you told him. Jeonghan groaned and tilted his face into your chest again.

“I get to see you for two seconds and then you make me go to sleep?” He complained. His fingers dug into your shirt. “I don’t want to sleep.”

“I very clearly didn’t ask,” you replied.

“You’re being mean to me,” Jeonghan complained. You were just barely aware that that was true.

“I wouldn’t be mean to you,” Chaedom asserted, unhelpfully, of course.

“You’re why she’s being mean to me,” Jeonghan bit out towards her. He looked up at you. “You’re jealous.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I’m not-”

Jeonghan’s fingers tightened in your hair and he straightened up holding your head tight so that you were forced to face him.

“Don’t lie to me, y/n,” he said, his voice low. “I may be drunk but I’m not stupid. You know Chaedom doesn’t mean anything to me.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, refusing to say anything. Really just embarrassed because your jealousy was being outed in front of the person who you were jealous of. You did know that Chaedom didn’t mean anything to Jeonghan. You still didn’t like it when she touched him.

“Y/n, say it.”

You scoffed, letting the silence fill between the two of you.

“I’ll-”

Before Chaedom could piss you off more you murmured: “I know Chaedom doesn’t mean anything to you.”

Jeonghan nodded with a hum.

“Good.”

You let your attention turn back to him.

“I’m not just being jealous when I say that you need to sleep,” you insisted. You wrinkled your nose. “I can smell the alcohol from here.”

Jeonghan’s lips quirked down.

“But-”

“Seriously,” you insisted. “You left some clothes over last time and you can sleep in them. Just go to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows rose suddenly, and his fingers loosened in your hair.

“You…” He trailed off and shook his head. “You’ve got to stop keeping men’s clothes after you’re done sleeping with them.”

“I-” You exhaled your frustration. “I wasn’t…” You glanced over at Chaedom. “This isn’t a conversation I want to have in front of Chaedom and this isn’t a conversation I want to have with you when you’re drunk.”

Jeonghan’s eyes briefly followed yours and he looked at Chaedom. A genuinely pained look crossed his face.

“Can’t you just leave?”

A pout crossed her lips.

“But I’m so drunk.”

Jeonghan’s eyes turned back to you and he sent you a pitiful expression.

“I want to talk now,” he insisted. “You always put off talking.”

To be honest, you did always put off talking with him. You should have come to him way earlier. It was like they always said… If they wanted to they would. You could have made time for him if you had really tried but… You were nervous.

There was no fear of rejection and yet, an unpleasant feeling was building in your throat.

“Tomorrow,” you said softly. “When you are sober.” His expression didn’t change. “I promise.” Still the same. “Really.”

Finally, Jeonghan relented. He let his hands fall to the side.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “But you’re going to sleep with me… Right?”

You gave Jeonghan a stiff nod. He nodded back to you and turned, swaying a little as if his drunkness had finally come back to him. He looked back over his shoulder and pointed to Chaedom.

“If you ever talk to me again.” He didn’t finish but his tone and expression were serious. Then another pained expression crossed his face. “I’m going to go throw up.”

You and Chaedom watched him stumble to the bathroom. Normally, you thought you would follow him. Hold his hair back, but Chaedom was still here.

You glanced over at her.

“Can you leave now?” You asked. She rolled her eyes and walked over to your couch. She plopped down on it defiantly.

You sighed, and disappeared down your hallway, reappearing with a spare blanket and a pillow. Yeah, you hated her, but to her credit her cheeks were red from the alcohol and you thought maybe the reason that she was always so… Shameless was maybe because she was always drunk when you saw her.

You threw the blanket and pillow at her face.

“There’s water in my fridge,” you mumbled. “Don’t die in my living room.”

As you wandered down the hall, you stopped by your bathroom, peaking in at Jeonghan. He was laying with his head on your toilet seat. You cracked the door open leaning on the doorframe.

“That’s disgusting.”

He held up a bottle of bathroom cleaner.

“I cleaned it,” he replied. “Made it worse. Bleach makes me want to wretch.”

He turned his head into your toilet bowl a little, his cheeks puffing out briefly. He sat there for a little bit, the strands of his hair falling pathetically into his eyes.

You closed the distance between you two, crouching in front of him. You brushed the hair out of his face, your thumb flickering over his cheekbone. He let his eyes flutter closed at the touch.

“It wasn’t worth it to drink,” he mumbled. “I’m going to be in so much pain tomorrow.”

You stared at him for so long that he opened his eyes, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes, you had ever seen from a man in his 20s.

“You make me stupid, y/n,” he said softly.

You pressed your lips together tightly and nodded once. You didn’t respond to that because how could you? It was still a little baffling. Jeonghan, the campus play boy, made stupid by you.

Your eyes drifted away from Jeonghan briefly.

You wondered if he realized how stupid he made you. All your years as a psychology student were made null when it came to him. It was like when you were with him you forgot how to have healthy communication. You really had to work on that.

“You think you can make it to the bedroom?” You asked him softly. His eyes closed again, an annoyed groan vibrating through his body. “Well, I’m not going to stay with you in the bathroom. I’m tired.”

You pulled your hand away from Jeonghan, which just made him whine in protest.

“It’s like babysitting,” you protested even though honestly you would stay up with a drunk Jeonghan for as long as he wanted you to. You were just frustrated. Chaedom was still in your living room and for some reason even though Jeonghan had literally confessed his love to you she still thought she had a chance and-

“Help me up,” Jeonghan practically pleaded. You rolled your eyes, and grabbed Jeonghan by his wrist, tugging him up.

“Yeah, yeah.”

When you woke up, you were partially afraid to move. Jeonghan had an armed draped over your chest, and his head rested on your stomach.

After an hour you realized that you needed to get up no matter if Jeonghan was up or not. It was better to wake him up with food, probably.

You somehow managed to untangle yourself from his body without waking him, and you ended up leaving him splayed over your sheets, eyebrows furrowed. You wondered what he was dreaming about.

You walked down your hallway,

“What are you making?”

You barely muffled a scream by slapping your hand over your lips. You exhaled sharply, your eyes closing and nose furrowing slightly when you realized that it was just Chaedom standing at the edge of your kitchen.

“Why the…” You buried your face in your hand. “Chaedom why are you still here?”

She didn’t speak so you let your hand drop to your sides. She was staring at you, one of her cheeks red from having slept on it, her tight dress bunched up just a little higher than it should have been and her hair a tangled mess.

You felt kind of bad for her.

A little.

“He doesn’t love you,” you said. You shifted your attention. “He doesn’t even like you. Why are you doing this?”

She just stood there, staring at you.

“Look, you’re pretty, you’re better than this,” you said. “What is the point of going after some frat guy who is notorious for fucking around? So, what if Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t want to fuck you. I’m sure plenty of guys want to. Why are wasting your time on the one who doesn’t like you?”

Chaedom’s gaze dropped away from you, her bottom lip quivering slightly. You sucked in a small breath, about to continue berating her when a soft sob wrecked through her body.

“My boyfriend cheated on me,” she blurted. Your eyebrows rose in surprise at the confession, but before you could say anything in response she was colliding into your chest, her arms wrapping tightly around her body.

“Oh-”

“I thought that he loved me,” she cried into your chest, her tears literally already soaking through your pajama shirt. “I thought he loved me but then he fucking cheated on me and I thought men fucking suck, I’m just going to sleep with whoever makes me feel good about myself.”

Her fingers balled into your shirt and she pulled her face from out of your chest to look up at you from behind her red eyes.

“And then the first guy that I go to sleep with. The one who is the ultimate fuck boy, who is all no commitments and fuck whoever walks doesn’t want to sleep with me because suddenly he isn’t a trash human being.”

She let out another loud cry and then her forehead tipped back into your chest. She briefly knocked the breath out of you, and you stumbled a little to accommodate her weight.

“And I can’t even blame him,” she wailed into your stomach. “You’re fucking beautiful and kind and perfect.”

Your mouth dropped a little bit.

“Men really do change for the right people and Shindong just wouldn’t change for me.”

You couldn’t help the confused expression that spread over your face. You stood there motionless for a little bit, waiting for her crying to calm down. After a few minutes it didn’t. You pressed your eyes shut tightly when you realized that you were going to have to actually to confront the conversation.

You awkwardly patted Chaedom’s back.

“Hey,” you said uncertainly. She just kept sobbing into your chest. “Hey, Chaedom you-” You sighed, and pressed your hand to her forehead, pushing her back. “Go… Go sit down on at the island, okay?”

The tears continued to run down her cheeks, and she took two large breaths.

“I don’t want to impede,” she managed to get out. You were so strong and such a good person for being able to hold yourself back because wasn’t everything she had done since you met her impeding?

“It’s fine,” you insisted. “Just… Sit okay?”

Chaedom sniffled but nodded, finally peeling off of you. She walked over to one of the stools and fitted herself on it.

“Look, you’re wrong, okay?” You said softly. You grabbed one of your skillets and cracked an egg into it, turning up the heat on the stove. “Men don’t change for people. People don’t even change for people. They just don’t.”

You turned over your shoulder to look at her.

“The psychology behind cheating is complicated because sometimes it makes sense and it’s easy to pin down. People cheat because they are angry or have low commitment or esteem issues. Some people are just fucking narcissists and they get bored so they just do something to see how the other person will react. I don’t know why Shindong cheated on you. Even Shindong might not know why he cheated on you.”

Chaedom’s bottom lip quivered.

“So… I should… I should take him back?”

“No,” you blurted back, shaking your head. “I’m saying that you are going to spend hours and days and weeks, maybe even months trying to figure out why he did what he did. But you won’t. You will never know why, and even if he tells you, you can never trust him.”

You shrugged and turned your attention back to the eggs.

“Because he lied to you once, and if he gets away with it once he will try to get away with it again,” you continued. “I mean the way that men and women cheat is different. There are a lot of studies done about how it seems that men generally cheat for the sexual thrill while women tend to cheat due to feelings of love or intimacy-”

Your eyes narrowed a little as you realized you were wildly getting off-track. Your summer psychology project was finally coming in use and you were a little too excited over that.

“Not the point.” You focused back in on the eggs. “Shindong cheated on you, and he probably would have cheated on someone else too. In my experience, no matter who it was Shindong would have cheated. You couldn’t have changed him. That’s just who he is down to his core.”

You scooped some of the eggs onto a plate, and walked over to Chaedom, pushing the plate of eggs towards her. You gave her a pressed smile and grabbed a glass of juice for her. You quirked your eyebrows up slightly silently telling her to eat.

She complied, but as soon as she had a mouthful of eggs in her mouth she was talking again.

“Bafeawut faow shoes chat mesplain wan.”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

“What?”

She swallowed.

“But how does that explain Jeonghan?” She repeated. “He was a fuck boy, and he changed for you.”

“He didn’t change for me,” you denied. You cracked a few more eggs into the skillet. “The Jeonghan who stopped sleeping with other people and became desperate for my attention and turned down everyone for me wasn’t a change in personality.”

As you spoke you heard a creak from down the hall. Both you and Chaedom glanced into the hall and you saw that Jeonghan was standing there. He looked exhausted, his whole body weight leaned onto the wall. You pressed your lips into a thin smile.

“That’s just who he’s been all along.”

“That’s a nice sentiment,” Jeonghan drawled softly. “But not completely true. Maybe I didn’t change but there is no one in this world like you.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing away from him and back to Chaedom.

“You’re not meant to be with Shindong, and you’re not meant to be with Jeonghan but that doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable,” you pressed. “You’ll find someone, you just have to give it time is all.”

Chaedom let out an annoyed sound and let her face fall to the counter. Your mouth dropped open at the sudden action and to be completely honest, you were a bit worried that she had hurt herself. But then she turned her head to the side and blurted out: “Everything hurts.”

You realized that physically she was fine.

Jeonghan wandered over to the counter and sat down two stools away from Chaedom. He gave her an uncomfortable look and then his eyes flitted back to yours. He pressed his lips into a small pout.

“You made her eggs before me?”

You rolled your eyes and gestured to the eggs in the skillet.

“You were asleep. Just wait a second.”

Chaedom peeled her face up and looked at Jeonghan with a still pathetic expression on her face. Jeonghan’s nose wrinkled a little.

“Chaedom,” he mumbled.

“Jeonghan,” she replied.

You couldn’t believe that this was your life. Free therapy for a girl you hated, and babysitting for a guy who was in love with you.

You dumped Jeonghan’s eggs onto a plate and then placed them in front of him. He grabbed you by the wrist when you were close to him and pulled you in a little more. Your breath caught and you pressed your lips together.

His eyes flickered down to said lips. He smiled.

“Y/n-”

“Not in front of Chaedom,” you insisted, pulling away from him. He pouted again, but you turned away so that you didn’t have to look at him.

Breakfast was awkward, the silence in the room deafening but you were avoiding Jeonghan’s eye contact like it was the plague and Chaedom was still crying to the point were you were seriously considering saying more.

Before it could get to that point however she sucked in a deep breath and nodded.

“I should get going.”

It was a relief to hear those words, and you saw Jeonghan perk up but you tried not to let your excitement show too much.

“Yeah?” You managed out. She sighed and nodded, getting to her feet and sending you a sad smile.

“I think I’ve overdone my stay a little.”

You didn’t agree but… You wanted to. Chaedom got to her fear and you followed to the door (but you could hear the padding of Jeonghan’s feet on the ground behind him so you knew he was following too).

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” You asked softly, unable to believe that the words were leaving your mouth out of a genuine place for concern. Chaedom gave you a tired smile, her eyes still dark red from all the crying she had been doing.

“I’m going to a friend’s house,” she assured. “Thanks for everything.”

Jeonghan was still hovering close to you, his hand on the small of your back. You respected that he was fighting so hard to not be too touchy but… you were glad that his hands were on you.

… And not Chaedom.

Chaedom’s eyes went to Jeonghan’s as if she could hear your thoughts.

“You know if you get tired of y/n, you can always call me.” She laughed and somehow within the laugh she started to cry again. You felt your fingers balling into tight fists. “I’m kidding. I-I’m going to go now.”

She gave you both a wave.

“I’ll see you later,” you said, giving her a pressed smile. She smiled back and then suddenly darted forward, wrapping her arms around your body tightly.

“You are so nice.”

You swallowed hard and patted her back.

“It’s… Going to be okay,” you assured. She nodded and pulled away.

“Okay, thanks.”

And then finally she was gone.

You felt your whole body deflate as soon as Jeonghan shut the door behind her, and without even thinking you tilted your head forward into his chest. You let out a loud groan. Jeonghan’s hand came to your head, and he patted you comfortingly.

“You were very strong to be so nice,” Jeonghan complimented softly. “If that were Yeongtae, I would have snapped him in half.”

You rolled your eyes and didn’t respond to him.

“Of course, you took out your rage towards her at me, which is annoying.”

“If I go to another party-” You looked up at him and sent him a glare. “And Chaedom, is wrapped around you as if she has a chance-”

Jeonghan dipped his head down, his lips pressing briefly to yours. Your eyes fluttered shut, and as naturally as you breathed, you pressed into the kiss. The hand on your back pressed you closer, and Jeonghan’s other hand raised to the back of your head.

He broke the kiss, his lips quirking upwards.

“You really have nothing to be jealous over,” Jeonghan assured softly. “And it’s really not healthy, but I love how jealous you get… You’re so fucking cute. As if I would ever look at anyone the way I look at you.”

His lips pressed briefly to yours again. You pulled away slightly, taking a sharp breath.

“W-We,” you breathed softly. “We need to talk, don’t we?”

Another small exhale and Jeonghan was creating more space between the two of you. His eyes narrowed a little, his nose scrunching very slightly. He gave you a very focused expression.

“Is it going to go well?” He asked you. “Because if the answer is that you are rejecting me, but you’ll kiss me before the conversation then we can push it back a little bit.”

A small laugh vibrated through your body.

“That’s not very healthy,” you reminded him softly, as if you had been the prime example of healthy communication and relationship managing this week. He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, let’s talk,” he agreed. He peeled away from you, patting you on the shoulders. He seemed hesitant to pull away from you completely, but after a few moments he finally did. He took in a sharp breath and nodded.

“Do we need a recap?”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

“A recap?” You mumbled. He nodded.

“I… Really want a relationship with you,” he said softly. “I don’t want to lose you to someone you think will treat you better. No one will treat you better than me.”

“You didn’t…” You glanced away from him. “Didn’t quite say that before.”

“No?” Jeonghan’s voice was so quiet.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t said that, exactly. You just hadn’t really expected to hear it so… Directly.

“So… You like me, and you want to date me,” you replied softly. Trying to just nod slowly. Jeonghan’s eyes on you were making it really hard to focus. “And… I like you… For sure. So, the logical next step is to… Date you.”

Jeonghan didn’t say anything, for so long that you couldn’t help but look over at him. He was watching you with a different expression than you thought that he would have on his face. It wasn’t relief or excitement. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips turned down. He seemed concerned.

“Do you want to date me?” He asked you. Your lips pressed together, and you nodded, but there was a knot in your throat. Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed further. “You know you don’t have to do everything that I want you to. If you just want to sleep together still, I can do that.”

That wasn’t what you wanted. But somehow voicing that seemed terrifying. Jeonghan let you try to formulate words for a while, before finally speaking again.

“Y/n, can I hear about your relationship with Yunjun?”

A topic change was exactly what you had wanted, but a topic change to this was not what you had wanted. It was worse, possibly.

“No,” you mumbled softly. Jeonghan nodded.

“Okay,” he said.

You two were completely quiet before you shook your head, scrunching your nose.

“No, I mean. Yeah, uh, it wasn’t really a relationship,” you replied. “It was sort of like us? I mean, we weren’t actually strangers. He knew someone I knew, and we ended up sleeping together and he was rough and I liked that so…” You felt like you were going into too much detail. “We saw each other for a few months? I think, and then I broke it off.”

“Why?” He prodded.

“He was mean,” you said with a shrug. “Most of my past flings with people were like that. But I mean, that’s the hazard when I like what I do right?”

You tried to laugh it off to lighten the mood, but Jeonghan didn’t crack a smile. In fact, the expression on his face was terrifying. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t happy. He was listening and you couldn’t figure out exactly what he was feeling.

“Have you dated many people?” Jeonghan asked. You shook your head.

“Only a few,” you replied. You were quiet for a little while, but Jeonghan didn’t rush you. “Honestly mostly just fucked people casually. No dates. Always people I knew but wasn’t close to. Always happened more than once.” Again, too much detail. Jeonghan didn’t comment on that.

“Did you break up with them?”

“That’s a weird question,” you mumbled and again you were quiet. Why was talking to Jeonghan about this so hard? You could tell Jeongyeon about these things in your sleep, but with Jeonghan you honestly felt like you were suffocating.

Maybe it was just because you knew Jeongyeon so well. You could probably fuck five guys at the same time in front of her and she wouldn’t shame you for it. If you really wanted to, you could tell her every gruesome detail of your relationship with Jeonghan and she would listen intently and try to see it your way.

It was Jeongyeon and this was Jeonghan and they were different.

Would Jeonghan judge you for your dating history? Would he think you were actually a slut if he heard about the way that you let other men treat you? Why did you even care? You never cared what others thought of you.

“Yeah. I’ve always been the one to end things.”

Jeonghan was quiet and you had to look at him again. He was so good at getting your attention. Jeonghan held a hand out to you, and without thinking too much you took it. He pulled you closer to him.

“Am I too mean to you?” He asked softly. You shook your head, looking up at him nervously. “I don’t ever want to hurt you y/n. I lied to you and that is the last stupid thing that I will ever do.”

Jeonghan took your other hand in his and his thumbs circled over your knuckles.

“But if this is too much for you-”

“It’s not,” you pressed. “I just…” You pressed your lips together shyly, stubbornly keeping your eyes on the floor. “Say it again…”

“Again?” He asked softly. He seemed a little confused. “Say what again?”

You didn’t want to say it but he kept letting the stupid silence fill the room. Your voice was as quiet as you could make it.

“Say that you want to date me again.”

You didn’t have to be looking at Jeonghan to know he was smiling at you.

“I want to date you,” he said, and you could hear his amusement in the heightenedness of his voice.

You kept your eyes on the ground.

“Again.”

“I want to date you.”

“… Again.”

Jeonghan pulled you a bit by your hands and ducked his head so that he was able to look at you.

“Y/n, I want to date you.”

Your face was suddenly hot. You turned your head away from him but then Jeonghan’s fingers were on your chin. He turned you to face him.

“I want to date you. I want-”

You laughed, unable to help the smile that was crossing your lips.

“Really Jeonghan,” you said, honestly trying to change the topic even though you knew there was no world in which Jeonghan let that happen. “All of this time you were sleeping with all these different people. Why do you suddenly want to date someone? Are you really ready to just… Settle for one person?”

“I settled for you the moment that I realized you would sleep with me twice,” Jeonghan replied softly. “But… I think that you know that. Don’t you?”

You let your eyes flit away from him.

“Not initially,” you denied. Jeonghan huffed out a small laugh.

“What was it you said to me… That it would be stupid to ask me to settle…?” His tone was airy, so unserious. “That even if I hadn’t asked you not to sleep with other people you wouldn’t because sex with me is just so good.”

“That is not what I said,” you protested. Jeonghan laughed.

“That’s basically what you said,” Jeonghan replied. “Look at it this way, you’re y/n.” Your words sent right back at you. You gave him a look that was honestly mostly embarrassment. “That was the day that I realized just how desperate I really was just for your attention.”

“You’re ridiculous Jeonghan,” you chided softly. “You just… The me that you think you’re in love with-”

“I haven’t said that I love you yet,” Jeonghan interrupted. Your eyes widened at his words.

“Wha-”

“I haven’t said it yet,” he repeated with a shrug. “You think I’m in love with you, hm? Do you think… Maybe you’re projecting a little? You love me and you want me to love you back?”

Your mouth gaped open but before you could think about it too much, Jeonghan was laughing.

“I’m joking,” he breathed. “I love you, y/n. I don’t think that I’m in love with you. I know I love you. The you that I think I’m in love with? It’s just you.”

“Jeonghan we hardly know each other.”

Hurt flashed in Jeonghan’s eyes and you immediately regretted your words. He didn’t let you feel bad about it for long though.

“Again, if this is too much for you…” Your eyes were screaming at him. Not too much. He sighed. “The point of dating is to get to know each other.”

“I know what the point of dating is,” you mumbled.

“Do you?” Jeonghan asked. There was a challenge in his voice. “Y/n, ever since we met we’ve been getting to know one another.”

“Are you sure that you aren’t… In love with some version of me that isn’t… Me.”

Jeonghan went silent again, and to be completely honest you didn’t think that you had ever really seen him frustrated at you. Not, outside of sex at least. But right now? He looked to be at his wits end. But… Not angry. Frustrated. Never angry.

Not at you at least.

“What do you see me as?” Jeonghan asked. Confusion flickered across your face.

“You’re Jeonghan,” you replied pointedly. It wasn’t enough for him; he arched an eyebrow your way. You sighed. “You are Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan. You love legos and you’re probably the most delicate frat boy in existence. You’re kind and deceivingly sensitive. You’re always gentle… And caring. You make me feel so… Loved.”

“See,” Jeonghan pressed. “We know each other. When you walked into my bedroom for the first time, then we hardly knew each other. But before you just knew me as Yoon Jeonghan the playboy. Now you know me as Yoon Jeonghan the angel of Alpha Mu.”

“I don’t even know your major,” you said bluntly, completely ignoring the angel comment.

“Don’t you want to find out?”

You two stared at each other. Silent.

“Do you still need time to think?” Jeonghan asked you. “I can give you more space. I’m sorry for drinking so much. I’m sorry if I burdened you-”

“Jeonghan,” you blurted but he ignored you. He started to pull away from you, but you grabbed more tightly onto his wrist. You tugged at him so that he was forced to stay close to you. “I want to date you.”

Jeonghan’s mouth closed.

“You’re right,” you admitted, but your voice was quiet.

“About what?”

Your fingers squeezed at his wrist.

“I was being mean to you because of Chaedom,” you mumbled. “You love me. Whatever. It’s still annoying that stupid Chaedom is all over you. And I want to date you. I do. I missed you this last week. I miss you every time I don’t come see you outside of parties. But no matter what you say or how close we get you are always going to be Yoon Jeonghan, one of the most eligible bachelors on campus.”

“And you will always be y/n,” Jeonghan insisted. “I think you’re more desired by the campus than you think.” He hummed. “But most importantly… You’re mine… Yeah?”

You swallowed hard; your eyes frustratingly focused on Jeonghan whose eyes were frustratingly focused right back on you. You nodded.

“Yeah.”

Finally, finally Jeonghan let you close the distance between you two. His hands found their way to your hips and he pulled you close to him.

“You gonna say it for me?” He asked you softly. “Need a little bit more than just a yeah.”

Heat was pooling your cheeks. Suddenly you were more embarrassed than you had ever been with him.

“I’m yours,” you whispered softly. “As long as-”

“I’m yours too,” Jeonghan promised, before you could even finish asking him. He dipped his head towards you and teasingly brushed his lips against yours. You tried to press your lips more firmly together, but he pulled away just enough to leave you unsatisfied. “I’m greedy y/n.”

You tried to focus back in on Jeonghan who was smiling at you in a very distracting manner.

“Greedy?”

“Mhm,” he hummed. “I knew that you were mine. Even though you hadn’t said it. Even though you were gone for a week. You know how?”

You shook your head.

“Because you still have those silly little hickeys,” he whispered back. You raised your hands to the back of his neck letting a frustrated expression cross your face.

“All you do is tease me,” you mumbled. “Why do you have to make me say things you already know?”

“Because I’m greedy,” Jeonghan repeated. “And I like to hear it. Your mine.”

You took that as your chance. You dragged Jeonghan’s head down by applying pressure on the back of his neck, finally firmly pressing your lips together. Jeonghan let a small laugh leave his lips but didn’t try to pull away from you.

You never got to be in control of the kisses, and so you were relishing being able to be in control of this one. Your fingers buried into Jeonghan’s hair, and you pressed him closer and closer to you. So grateful to finally be alone. So grateful to be kissing him again. So grateful to finally be done talking.

Jeonghan pulled away from you and you shamelessly let a whine leave your lips as you chased him. He laughed.

“I can’t believe that you’re the one always running from me,” Jeonghan breathed. His hands dipped under your shirt, his cool fingers pressing against your warm skin. “Because you are kissing me right now like you need me to breath.”

You blamed frustration completely and entirely and nothing else could possibly be behind what you said next.

“I fucking feel like I need you to breath.” Ew, ew, ew. “Jeonghan, it’s been a week.”

Jeonghan hummed, ignoring your obvious pleas. Ignoring the fact that your words had made you want to die a little on the inside. Jeonghan didn’t care. You didn’t understand how he always had such immense patience when it came to literally everything. His hands were roaming over your skin so lightly. His touch like a feather. He was so confident that you were just going to stand there and take it. Like he owned you.

“I do own you,” Jeonghan mumbled as if he could hear your thoughts. His head dipped into your neck, his lips ghosting across your skin. “Isn’t that what you said? Your mine?”

“I didn’t say you owned me,” you mumbled. A lie, and you both knew it was. Jeonghan hummed.

“Someone forgot about how you begged me to own you the last time I had my hands on you,” Jeonghan mumbled. “And you certainly are acting with a lot more humility than you usually do.”

His eyes drifted up to yours as his lips brushed your neck.

“Does being vulnerable really humiliate you more than degradation?”

Your face was burning and it was all the answer that Jeonghan needed. He ducked his head back into your neck, his fingers trailing up your back to toy at the latch of your bra. You knew that Jeonghan knew had to unlatch your bra. You knew he could do it with one hand much less two.

He was teasing you. He was still teasing you.

You experimentally let your hands drift down Jeonghan’s body, pressing firmly on his shirt at the bottom and pushing up. Jeonghan just hummed against you, teeth agonizingly dragging over the nape of your neck.

“Someone’s getting impatient.”

“You’re too patient,” you argued back. “You can’t touch me like this and then act surprised when I want you to take your shirt off.”

As you spoke you lost your confidence because Jeonghan’s mouth trailed down your neck, to your clavicle and then he was pushing your shirt off and you couldn’t help but get excited. You grabbed the hem of your shirt and backed away from Jeonghan, pulling the shirt over your head and tossing it to the floor.

A small laugh left his mouth and he nodded slowly.

“Well, you might as well take the rest of your clothes off,” he said, his voice low and teasing. A small frown crossed your lips. Well, a pout really.

“You’re not taking your clothes off,” you mumbled. Jeonghan crossed his arms over his chest, an eyebrow raising, and his face growing serious.

“Maybe I should reword,” Jeonghan mumbled. “If you’re going to act like a whore needing to take my shirt off when I’m trying to just enjoy time with my pretty toy than you are going to do as I ask. Take your clothes off now.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. You began to as quickly as possible undress, the cold air of the kitchen, ripping a shiver from you as you kicked your pants off. Once you were completely naked, you threw your hands behind your back, trying to hide an excited look as Jeonghan stared at you.

His expression remained serious and he remained quiet. Still not moving to undress. Still not touching you.

“Jeonghan-”

“Did I say you could talk?” Jeonghan asked. You pressed your lips together tightly, shaking your head once as your body heated up like it was on fire. Jeonghan tutted softly, raising a hand to head so that he could brush some of the strands out of his face. “On your knees y/n.”

You dropped down instantly, your body buzzing with excitement as Jeonghan started to walk towards you. Your eyes stayed on him, suddenly not feeling nervous about holding I contact with him. Once Jeonghan was within arms reach of you he stopped, unzipping his pants and working out his dick without taking them off at all.

“What’s your safe word baby?”

You were quick to answer, barely even the first syllable out before you were telling it to him. He cracked a smile.

He stepped a little closer to you, tapping the tip of his already hard cock against your bottom lip. Before you opened your mouth for him he was pushing the head of his cock into your mouth. You fell forward a little bit, your hands grabbing onto Jeonghan’s jean clad thighs for better stability.

He didn’t completely like that. One of his hands buried into your hair, tugging at you sharply.

“Did I say that you could touch me?” He asked you. You tried to shake your head, but his grip was too tight. Before you could try to even answer in a different way, he was pushing his cock even further into your mouth. “I asked you a question.”

Your eyes widened as you looked at Jeonghan, trying to shake your head again but it was useless. Jeonghan didn’t care about your efforts. Instead he focused on pushing his cock deep into your throat, not stopping until the only thing you could comfortingly look at was his pelvis.

“So bad,” Jeonghan chided lightly, his fingers loosened in your hair, but another hand found its way to your head. “Can’t even answer a single question.”

His fingers held your head in place and he slowly pulled his cock out of your mouth again. Once his tip was on your tongue he was pushing back inside of you, setting a slow pace of fucking your mouth. There should be nothing hot about a man who was just using your mouth to get off, but the little groans and moans that were tumbling from Jeonghan’s mouth were going straight to your core.

Your fingers tightened their grip on Jeonghan despite having been told off for having your hands there. You didn’t even care, and Jeonghan didn’t deem it important enough to mention right away. His pace slowly began to quicken, his hips snapping as if he was fucking your pussy. You couldn’t help the little whimpers that were leaving your cock-stuffed mouth as he began to fuck your face harder, and you knew that was just spurring him on even further.

“You look so pretty when your mouth is being fucked,” Jeonghan mumbled, his voice low and muddled with pleasure. “So nice when your mouth is so full of cock you can’t talk to me. All you can do is take my cock.”

You moaned at his words and he had to readjust his hands, giving you a couple of seconds to recatch your breath before going right back into it. His thrusts hard and fast.

“Hate it when you leave for a week,” he mumbled. “You come around telling me how much you love my dick as if you didn’t ignore me all week.”

He was going faster, and you could feel his cock twitch in your mouth and his fingers tightening their grip on your head. His voice was becoming a breathier, all evidence that he was getting closer and closer to coming down your throat.

“I would have fucked you every day this week if I could have,” Jeonghan mumbled. “And I will fuck you everyday now that your mine. There’s no excuse anymore for you to be embarrassed by how much you like me.”

Your face blazed but before he could say more Jeonghan was moaning loudly, shoving your face into his abdomen firmly as he shot hot come down your throat. Your eyes were beginning to water, small tears running down your cheeks, but you did your best take it well.

Still when he let your face go you coughed a bit of his come dribbling out of your mouth onto your chin. Jeonghan knelt in front of you, grasping your chin tightly between his fingers. His swiped his thumb across the cum and then pushed his thumb into your mouth.

“Cause that’s why you don’t come around all the time isn’t it y/n? You like me so much that you’re embarrassed about it.”

Your sucked on Jeonghan’s thumb but your eyes flitted away from him. Jeonghan pulled his thumb from your mouth and hit your cheek. You hissed in surprise (not so much pain) but Jeonghan was smiling when you looked back at him.

“That’s okay you don’t have to admit it,” he cooed. “But you’ll admit it to me one of these days.”

He soothed over the cheek that he had hit, a little pout spread over his lips, feigning pity for you and the fact that he had hit you.

“But right now I can’t expect you to be so honest huh?” His voice was so condescending and it was only turning you on more and the worst part was he knew that. His hand lowered to your cunt and only then did you realize how embarrassingly wet you were. His fingers pressed between your thighs and you instinctively spread your legs out a little bit for him, the dampness of your thighs meeting the cool air and sending a chill through your body. “Look at you, you’re already so horny that you can’t think about anything but my dick can you?”

He hummed and immediately pushed two fingers deep into you. You cried out, falling back on your hands, your mouth dropping open into a small pant as he began to fuck you hard on his fingers. There was a slight burn from the stretch but it felt so good, you couldn’t complain even if you wanted to.

“All I did was fuck your pretty little mouth and yet you’re dripping all over your floor like a bitch in heat.”

A whimper was practically ripped from your mouth, and you couldn’t help but shift your body so that your ass was on the floor just so that you had some stability. Jeonghan snickered as your back hit the ground. Your face burying into your hands as you tried to muffle yourself.

Jeonghan let out an annoyed huff and he sharply smacked your thigh.

“Why are you being so quiet now?” He asked you. “Acting like you don’t usually have an audience of twelve boys… No point in trying to save face when I’ve made you scream before.”

You whined into your hands, refusing to move them when all Jeonghan was doing was humiliating you today. Jeonghan didn’t like that, and he expressed that by shoving a third finger into you. Your back arched in pleasure and you threw your hands to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted. “It’s just- Fuck, it’s just embarrassing.”

“I’ve done worse to you,” Jeonghan commented, and he was right but that didn’t make it less embarrassing. It wasn’t even that he was fucking you really. Or… About you. Or teasing you, or that he’d fucked your face.

You still had that same residual embarrassment from the fact that you two were… Dating now…? That it was just making your heart pound that much harder.

“I wonder what I should do with you today,” Jeonghan pondered. “How many times should I make my pretty little toy come?” His thumb smashed down on your clit and it made you cry out again.

“You’re being so rough,” you whined, your fingers balling against the floor.

“Do you not like it?” He didn’t halt his pace, instead you suspected he was being even faster the sound of his fingers fucking you echoing in your apartment. You didn’t want to answer him. He knew you liked it but then his fingers smacked on your clit, hard.

“I do,” you blurted. “I fucking like it, like it so much.”

Jeonghan chuckled, and his fingers slipped from you.

“You’re being so bad today y/n,” he chided lightly. “What happened to my pretty baby who listens to me no matter what?”

He grabbed you by your hips, shifting you closer to him. He pushed himself in between your legs, settling himself there as he tapped the tip of his cock against your clit. Your thrusted up towards Jeonghan’s dick, desperate for him to slid into you, and when your bare thighs rubbed against the cloth of his sweatpants it just made you that much more desperate.

“And you’re so quiet too. Scared of your own voice, hm? You know I like it when you beg like my own little whore.”

The tip of Jeonghan’s dick dipped into you and you fought everything in your body not to fuck yourself on him. You just let another whine leave your mouth.

“Jeonghan I’m so sorry for leaving so long,” you mumbled, and as you spoke Jeonghan was slipping his cock into you. You forced your eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around your body, coming fully seated inside of you. “I’m so sorry, I need you so badly. Need you to fuck me, really really-”

Jeonghan cut you off with a hard thrust, his lips brushing against yours teasingly.

“I don’t actually want you to feel bad for leaving for a week,” Jeonghan mumbled. His teeth teased your bottom lip, and his fingers duck into your back. “Unlike you I’m patient and besides…”

Another hard thrust and you couldn’t help the scream that Jeonghan ended up swallowing into a rough kiss. He gave you another hard thrust, your body bouncing, afraid to grab him but really needing to not only for purchase but also just to be close to him.

“You’re always worth the wait.”

You must have clamped down on Jeonghan hard because as soon as you spoke Jeonghan was fucking you again, hard. He let your back hit the floor and placed his hands on either side of your head. His lips were pressed hard to yours and he wasn’t holding back in the slightest.

“Je-Jeon-“ You could barely get a word out. Your fingers twitched by your sides, trying desperately to hold onto the ground that it was literally impossible to hold on to. “I need-”

It was so hard to speak around Jeonghan’s mouth, but he let his lips pull away from yours as you tried to speak, placing his forehead to yours.

“What baby?” Fuck. His hands came up to your neck, his thumbs brushing the dip in your throat. “Something you want?”

You could tell he was trying to be teasing but it wasn’t coming off well right now because he was being so rough. His eyes were shut in concentration and he squeezed your neck lightly driving you even fucking crazier.

“Wanna touch you,” you managed to get out, your voice quiet. Jeonghan laughed.

“Is that so? Thought you were being bad today, why didn’t you just grab onto me huh?”

You let out a frustrated sound, wanting to grab him out of spite but wanting to be good like he was teasing you for even more.

“I’m good,” you managed to get out, but you sounded so pathetic and broken as you spoke, each thrust so rough that you were starting to practically sob on his cock. Jeonghan’s lips tilted down to your face, kissing at the tears that rolled down your cheeks.

“You want to prove that you’re good?” He asked, you nodded, your mouth open so that you could pant. “Why don’t you come for me? Want to feel you come on my cock again so bad… Missed it, missed you-”

He didn’t have to say more, he didn’t even have to touch your clit. A sob left your lips as pleasure whirled through your body. You couldn’t hold back if you wanted to, you desperately grabbed at Jeonghan’s biceps, squeezing at him hard to try and gain some control over your position.

Jeonghan didn’t even falter, instead he got faster, and harder.

“S-sensitive!” Was all that you managed to get out, and it just made Jeonghan hum against you.

“Is that so baby? Cause I’m nowhere near done with you.”

You whimpered, and you tightened your grip on Jeonghan.

“I’m going to make you come until you literally can’t come anymore,” Jeonghan promised. “Won’t stop until you either safe word or I’m finally satisfied. I wouldn’t blame you at all if you tapped out.”

As he spoke, you were already overcoming the slight discomfort from him fucking you through your orgasm. You shook your head desperately, knowing without even knowing how long it was going to go on for that you were not going to tap out.

Ignoring Jeonghan for a full week was such a terrible idea for you because it just meant that you needed him that much more. You felt so good with his cock stuffed inside of you, his hot breath on your cheek driving you feral. You readjusted your arms so that your fingers were threaded in the roots of Jeonghan’s hair.

You couldn’t help it, you started quietly begging Jeonghan to fuck you harder. You knew you were pulling a little at Jeonghan’s hair and normally you didn’t think he would entertain it but he didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re so slutty y/n,” he mumbled. “You submit to me so fast. So willingly. Wanted me to take my clothes off so badly but you don’t even actually care that I’m fucking you like some common whore.”

You nodded, still babbling, still nonsense and Jeonghan was eating it up.

“You’re not even making sense,” he teased, and as he spoke another orgasm was wracking through your body. Your head tilted up and your lips brushed against Jeonghan’s but he pulled away from you as you did. “My little baby, coming on my dick from being talked down to. Like it so much don’t you? Like it when I fuck you stupid. Why don’t you try and get another straight sentence out for me?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration but Jeonghan’s lack of letting up was making it hard. With each thrust his sweat pants brushed against your clit and the friction was making you pull away form Jeonghan a little as you came down from your second orgasm.

Jeonghan didn’t mind that either. His thumbs pressed down together every now and then as you hiced, making your voice come in and out, your breathing becoming just that much more desperate. He was toying with you, enjoying the way that your wish to breath increased when he pushed down on you, letting up the pressure only so that he could watch you catch your breath and then take it away from you all over again.

You could feel another orgasm building up in your core, and this time you were chasing it, your abused pussy the last thing on your mind as you rolled your hips down on Jeonghan. You wanted him to come so badly. Wanted to feel him fill you up because you had felt so empty recently, and you must have been telling him exactly that because you felt Jeonghan’s cock twitch inside of you and:

“Yeah? You want it that badly?” He had somehow managed to steady his voice but you could tell by the sudden erraticness of his thrusts that he wasn’t actually that composed. You could also feel it in the slightly bending of his pointer fingers on the back of his neck, you were making it so hard for him not to come.

“Y-Yeah.” You finally managed to consciously get something out. “Need your cum so badly, don’t you want to fill me up? I want to feel full of you.”

Jeonghan tried to hum but it came out wrecked.

“So good at begging,” he praised and it affected you just as much as it did when he was degrading you. Your back arched and you pressed your chest into his tshirt covered chest. You couldn’t help it.

“Jeonghan pl-please, I-” You were interrupted not only by the feeling of come being shot deep inside of you but by Jeonghan’s lips crashing hard onto yours. You were crying like a baby on him as another orgasm was ripped through you and it hurt but the pain was practically null to the full burning pleasure that was filling your body as he shot string after string of cum inside of you.

His thrusting began to slow down until he was agonizingly slowly dragging his cock in and out of you. He was breathing hard against your lips, no longer kissing you, but pressed against your lips regardless. When he finally came to a stop inside of you his body slumped against yours.

“You’re so good for me,” he mumbled. “So good. Always so good for me.”

You didn’t respond to him, your fingers still tugging at his hair tightly as you tried to bring your breathing back to normal. Jeonghan didn’t really care about that. He slipped his cock out of you and before even a drop of his cum could leave he was pushing two of his fingers back into you.

“Such a sloppy little pussy,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips and you could feel the smile. “Does it feel good?”

You had to be honest, and you breathed a yes, your body buzzing as he you felt his cum slowly being pushed deep into you, then threatening to drip out before being pushed right back into you.

“Jeong-“ You were going to come again, and you knew that Jeonghan could feel it because his thumb pressed to your clit again making you cry out in pleasure.

“Your really going to come from me fucking my cum into you?” He teased, and that was all he had to say before you were coming again. Sobbing against his lips.

“C-Can’t do more,” you begged breathily, and as you spoke Jeonghan was slipping his cock back into you. Once he was fully inside of you however he stopped completely, his head dipping down into your neck. He fell quiet, his chest rising and falling gently against you.

You were afraid to talk because the feeling in your heart was a lot heavier than it should be for someone that you had just started dating. You bit down on your lip on your lip to keep yourself from speaking.

“Y/n,” Jeonghan breathed against your neck, sending a chill through your body. “Y/n, I really do love you.”

He took the words that you were afraid to say to him right out of your mouth, and as you fought to figure out what to say back to him because surely such intense feelings from you to him was due to the post-sex haze your phone started to buzz on your counter. Your eyebrows furrowed and despite Jeonghan’s protests, you wrestled your way out of his arms and picked it up.

“Oh, it’s Yeongtae,” you mumbled. You didn’t think twice before sliding the green phone across your screen and putting the phone to your face, and it made Jeonghan groan unabashedly. He wrapped his arms around your body, tugging you into his chest, but you mostly ignored him.

“Hey,” you mumbled into your phone.

“My head hurts.” You pulled your phone away from your ear suddenly. He was so loud. “And I don’t know where I am.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, and you pulled away from Jeonghan a little bit.

“You don’t know where you are?”

“Last night I went home with a girl and we got on a bus? And we were kissing, and then we got off the bus? And now I’m in a neighborhood somewhere?”

You glanced at Jeonghan, putting your hand over the speaker.

“He’s lost,” you mouthed.

“Put it on speaker phone,” he mouthed back. You frowned slightly but did what he wanted to regardless.

“Can you see anything that you recognize?” You asked him.

“Uh…”

“Have you not tried using your gps?” Jeonghan asked. Yeongtae was silent for a second.

“Jeonghan? Y/n, you actually talked to him!” Came Yeongtae’s very loud voice. “He sounds jealous.”

“Do you want our help?” You asked Yeongtae sharply. He was silent for a few moments.

“Can you two come pick me up? I think I was on the bus for like three hours.”

“Three hours?” You blurted, unable to help it. “How drunk did you get?”

“Y/n please,” Yeongtae begged in the phone. “I won’t ask you guys again.”

You sighed, but not because of Yeongtae. You looked over at Jeonghan, not having to say a word for him to understand what you were asking him silently.

“We’ll come get you,” Jeonghan relented rolling his eyes. “And it’s okay if you ask again. What are best friends for?”

You didn’t let Yeongtae think about the slightly sarcastic way that Jeonghan added the best friends part- something that Yeongtae clearly didn’t even remember saying.

“Send me your location okay? We’ll be there soon just sit tight.”

“Okay.” Honestly Yeongtae sounded tiny over the phone. “I’ll see you two soon. Thank you.”

You ended the call between you two and before you could say anything Jeonghan was groaning and he was burying himself into your neck. You sighed, raising your hand to his head.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, honest. “It’s just-”

“It’s okay,” Jeonghan interrupted before you could say more. “I get it. You put up with Chaedom, I can put up with Yeongtae.”

He sighed, and pulled away from you a little bit.

“Besides, you’re mine right? Since we’re together it doesn’t matter if you hang out with Yeongtae or if I hang out with Chaedom.” You knew he was joking but you still sent him a glare. He laughed. “Yeongtae isn’t really that bad,” he admitted. “Weird. But he treats you well.”

Before you could ask Jeonghan if he was okay because oh my god, a nice thing about Yeongtae coming from Jeonghan’s mouth? You genuinely never thought you would see the day- Jeonghan was pulling apart from you.

“Okay, let’s get you in the shower,” he said. Your eyes widened in surprise.

“But Yeongtae-”

“He can wait,” Jeonghan pressed. “We’ve got to get you clean and then we’ll go get him.”

He fixed you with a serious look.

“But now that we’re dating? You have no excuse to avoid after care. After we get Yeongtae home you’re all mine okay? I just want to hold you.”

You pressed your lips together, just to prevent yourself from admitting how badly you wanted that. You just nodded. Jeonghan looked at you, clearly wanting you to say more but he didn’t push it. He sighed and mirrored your nod.

“You’re so good for me,” he mumbled, and the embarrassment caused warmth to crawl up your neck. “Come on.”

Part Eight (The Finale): Something He Likes

#seventeen #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #svt fanfiction #seventeen smut #kpop smut #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan smut #yoon jeonghan smut

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phas3d · 2 months

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Roblox W/ Them || Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: doxxing, bullying,

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

summary :: how they play roblox

DRACO MALFOY

Grinds the shit out of every game he plays

He cannot enjoy a single game if he doesn't become rank 1 for at least one week

Really likes roleplay fighting games for some reason

Like Bloxy Fruit and stuff

Definitely wastes a ton of money on Robux and stupid stuff

He doesn't care that it's cheating, it lets him become #1 way faster

Doesn't really like tycoons and slow games

If he can't brag, how can he show off?

His character is SOOO try hard omfg

He definitely dresses in all black

1000% HAS RAGED AND BROKE HIS TABLE

Bought a new table after and took a break from Roblox for a week

TOM RIDDLE

Plays old people games like a grandpa

A fucking beast at Bingo

Even though it's completely luck base, he wins 9/10 times

Always has like 6+ bingo cards and can easily keep up with it

Plays tycoons every once in a while

But he likes the ones where you just press a button and it's auto built, doesn't like building stuff on his own

Like, he hates restaurant tycoon and rollercoaster tycoon

Never ever spends his money on Robux, he thinks it’s cheating

His avatar is the default one too with maybe some clothes he unlocked

Bullies the shit out of little kids on roblox for no damn reason

He could have 15 missing assignments and still find time to log on and dox some 12 year old

Whenever someone beats him at Bingo he finds their mom and dad's name and then private chat's them it

Takes everything so deep for no reason

Get this man to try weed or smth man he needs a new hobby

MATTHEO RIDDLE

This man has tried every single genre of games and has beaten almost everything

He's who Draco wants to be

Definitely spent way too much money on Robux for no reason

He has the headless stuff and almost every rare item ever

Has like 20k followers as well for some reason

Grinding never stops so he literally STOLE someone's house elf and makes the elf play Roblox all day

But the elf actually likes it and has fun playing it :) So it's cute

He ends up sharing his account with the elf and they become kinda like besties, but more so Matt sees him as a little brother

1000% like Tom he bullies little kids

He insults people's outfits, rates their little drawings and outfits super low, and straight up annoys them in any form possible

Sometimes he joins tycoons that have swords, doesn't even start his own tycoon, and just uses robux to get a sword and kill people

His daily mission is to annoy as many people as possible

Even worse is that he's not scared of getting hacked or doxxed because Tom made SURE that would never happen

Sometimes Matt even joins Tom's boring games but he leaves mid way cause he starts to fall asleep

Super fun to play with and will carry you 100%

THEODORE NOTT

This man, oh my god this man is so guilty of so much

He's one of those people who pretend to be a different gender online for benefits LOL

But not people he actually is transgender or nonbinary, but because he wants to do girly things without being judged

Always plays fashion games and WINS?!???

Even when the votes are super duper rigged, he always wins in the end

Plays a bunch of family roleplay games too as a mother of like 5 kids

Starts fake drama for fun, like favoriting one kid but ignore the other

OR he plays as a teenage girl and runs away LMAO

But his favorite game is definately Total Drama Island

This man will stay on the game for like 2 hours just to win

Super good at parkour and aim since he also plays shooting games besides Roblox, like Apex and Valorant (ewwww)

When he plays with the guys, they mock him for his girly ass avatar but he doesn't care at all

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Likes more calm games but is up to anything

Grinds tycoons a lot, like resturant tycoon and rollarcoaster tycoon

Sometimes he plays with Mattheo but they're so different

Matt finishes his level in like 2 mintues and Enzo takes an hour

Sucks at parkour, avoids it like the plague

Super bad aim as well, literally dies first every time

He likes playing with Theo a lot more since they can vibe and play a chill game

He really likes story tell games too which is fun

LOVES the games that aren't super roblox-y which is kinda cheating

Like he used to play the old Roblox Pokemon game daily until it got shut down :(

Plays those family games too like Bloxsburg and stuff

Is actually a good kid

BUT,,, he has his name has "Enzo (17) Cute, Smart, 6 feet tall, athletic, depressed"

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kedreeva · 9 months

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After seeing the little tutorial for bookbinding by @niennanir, and realizing I had most of the supplies already or could get them easily (and fairly cheaply, too,I ended up finding a couple nice sales like glue for $0.50 a bottle and nice textweight bright white paper for $20 instead of $35-40), I finally nerved up enough to try a hand binding of a fic. I picked one of my own (a 20k one, but split into 4 chapters, so I'll just do 1 chapter per booklet), and got to work.

Bug helped me weigh down the first one. It's currently drying into the cover, while the second one does its first dry. It was actually very easy, especially once I saw it in person. I might do a few others of my own.

#bookbinding #personal #bug the peahen #birds #my pets #peafowl #peachicks #I'm considering offering to do it for others since i already have the supplies #for a little one shot it wouldn't take that long to typeset #but i think I'd need a book press of some sort first #maybe I'll talk to my SIL and see #they could sell little homemade presses

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alreadyblondenow · 4 months

Text

▸ Assassin Jaehyun x Assassin Female reader ▸ Smut, Smut, Smut, Fluff, Angst, Gore, MATURE ▸ JAEHYUN SMUT SERIES: FUCK, MARRY, KILL ▸ VOLUME I: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3

THIS IS PART 2. THIS IS PART 2. THIS IS PART 2.

VOLUME I: PART 2 WORD COUNT: 7,889k

Warnings: THIS FIC IS FICTION ONLY, Smut, smut, smut, MATURE THEMES, Heavy description of killings because most of the characters are assassins, mentions of blood, character death, A LOT OF NCT MEMBERS WILL D WORD IN THIS FIC, unprotected sex, mentions of condoms, mentions of pill, pregnancy, swearing, mentions of alcohol. Mentions of being an orphan, Not everything is proofread, apologies again. I hope I did not forget anything.

A/N: I will cut VOLUME I into three parts, just because 20k word count is not acceptable in one post hahaha. I'm sorry :( this is already PART 2 of Volume I, so i hope you guys are still here. Im sorry if it took me so long to post. Can you guess what’s the next color of the poster? :))

When Hendery resurfaced again, he brought a different kind of chaos into your life and Jaehyun’s life.

A quid pro quo. That’s what’s Hendery’s after as he plans on surprising Jaehyun in Milan. It was Jaehyun’s earned free time, and Hendery was about to ruin it. Sure Jaehyun heard about the news that Hendery revealed himself, he was curious about the Phantom who made you soft, but little did he know that Hendery was even more curious about him.

Man to man they talked like normal people, sharing a bottle of wine but the people around them had zero clue that they wanted to kill each other right then and there.

“So you killed Yangyang,” Hendery started while smelling this expensive glass of wine.

Jaehyun was just quiet. He has no plan to trigger this situation further, he knows that a snipper is on standby to kill him from afar. All he could do was judge Hendery’s appearance, he now understood how this man fooled you. Out of all the Phantoms, Hendery is the simplest. Sure he looked like a prince, moves like a rich man but… Jaehyun can easily tell that he’s different.

“Pick a face to show today. I’m not here to play games, I’m sure you’re a busy man. Want to kill me now?” Jaehyun mocks while eating a slice of apple.

“I won’t kill you… that will hurt Y/n. And that’s the last thing I want to do. How is she?” Hendery pries, pushing and pushing Jaehyun’s limits because he knows that Jaehyun will keep on ignoring him unless he mentions your name. Hendery wanted to tease Jaehyun after all. “I fell in love with her you know. Sorry, I tried to stop myself but… she’s one great person… what are you doing Jeong Yoonoh?” Hendery mocked him.

And that’s what triggered Jaehyun’s anger, but he’s still stopping himself from killing Hendery with a cheese knife. The mention of your name just reminded him how he played you like a record of that fateful night in Hong Kong.

“It was so obvious that she still has feelings for you. Why aren’t you two together?” Hendery smirked. “Is it because you’re a Jeong and she’s just a nobody?”

“She’s not a nobody— why don’t you leave Y/n’s names out of this and let’s settle this. What the fuck do you want?” Finally, Jaehyun spoke. Hendery’s smile was wide because he knew that he was in Jaehyun’s mind now.

“Simple. Give Y/n her freedom. Free her from the Jeongs or I will do the best I can to ruin your family’s name in the business world” Hendery relaxed and looked at his surroundings, admiring the fine day, “It’s a win- win for the both of us you know. You can protect your family’s image, I get what I want, Y/n is free… I mean no harm. No one has to die” he smiles.

But Jaehyun knew that there's something behind that smile. He’s a Phantom after all. Guys like him don’t do ‘win-win’ situations. Hendery wasn’t scary at all, Jaehyun thought. But he knew damn well that the Phantoms know how to play. And that put Jaehyun in a very rough situation, especially when Hendery is after you… not to mention, that he wanted to free you from the wicked world of assassination. But even though that’s his motive, he can’t just sell you off away to Hendery.

“How can I trust you?” Jaehyun sternly asked.

“You can’t. I mean no harm to Y/n, but to you and other people?” he smirked, “Don’t even get me started, you killed my friends— Look, please decide ASAP. I have places to go” Hendery said in a different tone, almost as if he’s was in a rush but he still looked relaxed. “you see Jeong Jaehyun, you’re powerless. You’re just an assassin. You’re not a powerful Jeong. But I’m giving you a power right now… a power to make a wise decision. A power to give the love of your life the freedom she deserves… Come on Jeong… think long and hard. Taking my deal is the right thing to do”

And right then and there Jaehyun saw how cunning Hendery is and how dangerous he is.

Hendery stood up and left cash on the table, enough to cover everything served on their table. “I’ll give you a week… I’m excited to see Y/n again,” he smirked and walked away.

By the time Jaehyun got back, he did not let a second go to waste and planned to kill Hendery himself. But deep down… in Jaehyun’s heart, he is considering Hendery’s offer, just so Jaehyun could give you the normal life that you deserve. He felt so powerless, he felt stupid, weak and useless.

“Don’t do it Jeong…” Taeyong started. He can see right through Jaehyun that he is considering Hendery’s offer.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” Jaehyun crossed his arms “He can give her the life she wants hyung” Jaehyun added, not looking at Taeyong and just looking at the dark blue sky.

“Y/n loves you. That’s enough reason not to sell her off even if it’s about her freedom. She knew what she signed up for and she’s willing to get her freedom fairly… maybe she’s doing it for you”

After that small talk with Taeyong, Jaehyun went to see you and was hoping to talk to you about this matter but he was too afraid to knock on your door and tell you everything he felt. Just when he was about to leave, you opened your door and welcomed him in.

This is the first time again that you two shared a room privately. What happened after New York was both traumatic and sad for the both of you. You never even got the chance to talk about it.. or even apologize to each other. Jaehyun thought that… this might be his chance.

“You never cease to amaze me Y/n,” Jaehyun started.

“What?” you asked with a faint laugh before you sat at the edge of your bed.

“I’m still amazed with how you continue to be my weakness. How you continue to give fire to my soul,” he walked closer to you. Standing in front of you so handsomely while you sit in front of him and melt in his words.

“Is that a confession?” you joked but it was a serious question that you hoped he would answer because you too… you needed answers. You need to know if he’s still hurting about what happened to your relationship, you need to know if he’s still longing for you just as much as you long for him.

“Yes” he answered with his deep voice. So calm and sexy. “I think about you every day. I want you beside me” he reached for your face and placed a soft kiss on your cheek. A kiss that answered every question in head. A kiss that felt like a promise. A promise to do everything right this time.

He reached for your hand and sat beside you.

“This war, between Hendery and me is mainly about you. It’s your freedom… now, Im asking you. Do you want it?” he asked gently.

“Of course I do. But I want it with you”

Jaehyun smiled. Showing you those cute dimples. “Of course you’d answer that—“

“But let me talk to him Jae. You don’t know him like I do, maybe I can talk some sense out of him or —“

You watch Jaehyun smile in disbelief, combing his hair with his fingers and showing you his frustration. Clearly the sweet and calm environment was already gone.

“You were with him one time and you even failed your mission— did you already forget that happened? You don’t know him Y/n. You couldn’t see the craziness in his eyes because you are charmed by his sex appeal or whatever” His tone went louder every word and you don’t like it. This night may have answered every important question in your head but you’re not planning to have a quarrel with him. “You just have to make me jealous now, huh?” he added.

“Please leave. I’d like to rest now” you requested and Jaehyun left immediately.

In the next days, Hendery grew impatient with Jaehyun’s answer so he got bored and made some damage to one the Jeong’s factories. No one is hurt… yet. Everyone thought that Hendery would stop playing games but no, he targeted Jaehyun’s sister and Jaehyun’s mother. Scaring the shit out of Jaehyun. Of course everyone is working double time to protect Jaehyun and his family, but Jaehyun grew tired. Everyone grew tired of it. Every day, Hendery always has his kind of game, toying and playing with everyone. Even you. One day Hendery revealed his location publicly, part of his silly games and Yuta fell for it but lost the fight putting him in the hospital for a few days. And that really was the last straw.

“THAT MAN IS CRAZY! It will be better if I kill him, it will leave a trauma to Y/n—“ Jaehyun exclaims towards Chanyeol.

“This is my failed mission— I’m sure it will be better for all of us! After all, I’m the one he’s after!”

“Oh so now I’m really jealous — Chanyeol what the fuck? I just wanted the best option for her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I met Hendery and you have no idea how dangerous he could get”

Chanyeol and the others are all quiet. Mark was the one enjoying the drama and so is Taeyong . “They’re definitely fucking,” Mark whispers.

“This is Y/n’s failed mission. She should finish this,” Chanyeol finally decides.

“Good luck with handling your trauma then,” Jaehyun leaves the room and bangs the door.

On the same night, you received a call from an unknown number. You had a hunch that it would be Hendery, and you’re right.

“I bet you’re already planning how to get to me,” he said.

You were silent.

“All I wanted was a chance to talk to you, and give you your freedom and that coward Jeong can’t make it happen,” he let out a heavy sigh.

“You do dirty business, that’s why” you explained calmly. You sounded worried too. Hendery was happy to hear your voice. “You also hurt my friend”

“Yeah that Yuta guy killed my bodyguards, he’s good but… I can’t let him kill me. Can you say sorry for me? Please?”

“I don’t understand you Hendery. Are you a good person or are you playing with me too”

Then you heard Hendery laugh so hard, almost as if he sounded like a crazy person. “Lets have lunch like normal people, I’ll text you the address. Good night ” he says, before he hangs up.

The next day, you told Jaehyun and Chanyeol about your conversation with Hendery. They weren’t happy about it, but it was a situation that you couldn’t dodge. It was obvious all this time, that Hendery is ahead of every plan you have and that he got everything controlled at the palm of his hands.

“I can’t track the number he used, sorry guys” Mark said.

“He is controlling us. He wanted you to come to him— and I can’t fucking believe that you’re going for it. If you want to have lunch, have lunch with me not with this psychopath” Jaehyun said calmly. He is done stressing himself out because of Hendery.

But even though Jaehyun already expressed what he thinks, you still met with Hendery secretly. Just to end this war against him and the Jeongs. This plan will most likely make Jaehyun even more mad at Hendery, but the situation is getting more and more ugly as the days go by.

You met Hendery at his favorite noodle shop. It was packed with different people, some were just enjoying their time alone, others were with their friends or family, company dinner… it was just a normal day for everyone. Including you… who’s just meeting an old friend. Something you’ve never done before.

“Back then me and the other Phantoms used to eat in this place. Good times,” Hendery started while stirring his noodles, ‘’but now we can’t do that anymore, because your friends killed my friends”

“I can’t say I’m sorry… “ is all you could say.

“Back then Yangyang was not yet successful unlike Ten and Kun, so they always feed Yangyang and buy him everything he asks them to…”

There was a short silence while you two enjoyed your food. You wanted to leave as soon as you can but you can’t seem to bring it up. Maybe… you missed having his company, maybe you missed this kind of bond. Maybe you missed this kind of awkward silence.

“Do you remember when we danced slowly in the dark while the fireworks lit up the dark sky?” he asks.

“Of course,”

“It was a hopeless day. I killed a lot of people that day, and I was really tired. I knew you were coming, then I actually met you and I instantly wanted to live my life more and shit I fell in love so quickly. But you told me you love someone else and you cant live without him. That’s Jaehyun. I wanted to kill you so bad because I can’t have you”

“Do you still feel the same way now?” You asked calmly.

“I want to kill Jaehyun now, not you. That way I can have you” Hendery smiled innocently.

“What makes you think I’ll love you like how I love Jaehyun”

“I’ll make you” he answered confidently like a crazy person.

This is not Hendery you thought…. At this point you really don’t know what kind of monster you’re facing. But the fact that he wanted to kill Jaehyun is enough reason to kill him even if it’s going to hurt like hell. Even if it’s going to be the saddest kill you’ll ever make.

In your eyes, he’s just a man blinded by love. He just wanted to be loved… but you can’t reciprocate that. After hearing everything he said, you excused yourself and went to the comfort room to breathe. Breathe and ready yourself to go for the kill finally and finish your long overdue mission. Jaehyun was right, this will leave trauma to you. You know you’re scared to kill now because you’re shaking. But just right after you get out of the comfort room, you see people running and panicking. You look for answers while you walk fast towards your table, but you see Hendery on the floor dead already. Someone shot him in the head while you were away.

And you have someone in mind already. Someone who could have done this while you were gone. A perfect timing.

When you got back to 127 house, Jaehyun was already there. He was waiting for you but you just ignored his presence and went straight to your room so you could have time for yourself after a long day. You’re not mad, you just wanted privacy and mourn for your friend. Jaehyun was just doing his job… because you couldn’t. Of course Jaehyun didn’t give you the space you asked for, he was stubborn and still welcomed himself to your dark and quiet room.

He lay beside you and held your hand… you didn’t know you needed his comfort until he made you realize. In return you kissed him on the cheek and snuggled close to him.

It was raining during Hendery’s funeral. Everyone was soaking wet, dressed in black when you and Jaehyun arrived. You didn’t have the guts to say ‘hello’ to his sisters and nieces, you didn’t want them to meet Jaehyun, the assassin that killed their brother so you two stayed in the car and paid your respects from afar.

“I’m still not convinced that he’s a bad person Jae,” You said to Jaehyun. But of course, you knew Hendery was just playing with your mind, you’re just thankful that it’s not Jaehyun’s funeral you’re attending right now.

Everything feels heavy inside. Jaehyun couldn’t take you home today, so he decided to drive away and check in to the furthest motel he could find. He knew that you were hurting and you were desperate for peace of mind, and going home to 127 house would not help you achieve that. The rain poured even harder, just as your tears continued to flow. So this is what feels like mourning. Mourning for a friend. Your only friend.

Desperate. You were desperate to forget.

“I bought noodles, let’s eat it while its hot, yeah?” Jaehyun was trying to brighten up the mood but he keeps on failing. Either way, he will not give up on you. He was lively setting up the table and kept on humming songs you love. He knew of course.

“Hey- I’ll do anything to help you. Emotionally and physically—“ he said, but you didn’t let him continue and sat on his lap. You wanted to turn him on… you wanted to turn yourself on by using Jaehyun but your mind just keeps on drifting to Hendery.

Jaehyun was startled of course, but he knew he had to stretch his patience over and over again. He did not let you succeed with your plan, he understood what you were doing. He can see the desperation in your eyes that you want to forget and divert your attention. Jaehyun wanted to help, but not this way.

He made you stop grinding on his growing bulge and kissed your forehead, “stop it. Don’t do this on your own, I’m here, talk to me” he whispered sweetly while soothing your back.

You were in tears again.

When Jaehyun finally convinced you to eat what he brought you, you two spent your day in bed, in each other’s arms. Quiet and peaceful, just how you two wanted. But when your eyes met again, he kissed you hungrily and showed you how much he craved for you. How much he missed you. How much he still loves you. He made you sit on top of him, giving you permission to use him however you want.

“See…You don’t have to sell yourself short to me, I’ll come to you” he smiled and kissed you sweetly, his hands roamed around your body and put it inside your shirt. Jaehyun knew that whenever he pinches your nipples, you go crazy and it turns you on, and whenever he brushes his fingers softly on your hard nipples it just melts you in an instant.

In return you went in between his legs and pull out his cock, gave it a good lick and made sure it was wet as fuck before you put it inside your mouth and give him a good head. You feel Jaehyun’s hand relaxed at the top of your head, petting you whenever he feels like it, and moaning shamelessly, moaning so good, letting you know that no one in this world can give him a good head except you.

You reach for his lips and give him a peck. Jaehyun wanted more but you teased him. “Come on, I wanted to kiss you longer” he pouted cutely.

“Later” you moaned while you slowly put his cock in your wet pussy. You both moaned deliciously, it has been so long since you two fucked.

“I missed you” Jaehyun said before removing your sleepwear. You were too busy to care, you grind and rode Jaehyun while he cums and while his hands roam freely on your body. Oh you miss his touch.

When you finally reached your high, you flopped on top of Jaehyun and just listened to his heartbeat. He feels warm. He feels good. And his arms feel so good around you.

You looked up to him and told him, “lets give love a second chance Jae”

All Jaehyun could do was smile and laugh, “after all that’s happened this past few days do you think I’ll let go of you again?” He kissed your knuckles and held on to you, “we will never part this time. Even if it takes killing everyone, I mean it”

Jaehyun dried and kissed away your tears, made you smile again and promised that “Hendery may have been the one who showed you the life that you want, but I will be the one that will make it happen,” you tried to avoid this conversation again, but this time Jaehyun won’t let you.

“Listen to me,” he asked sternly but still gently, “It’s not going to be easy Y/n, but I’m ready to take whatever shit my father will throw at me. I have nothing to lose… except you. When we can finally retire, I’ll turn my back away from being Jeong Yoonoh, I don’t want it”

Of course you agreed to him and decided to be together.

This is not going to be the smoothest relationship, a lot of people will die first before you two can have the freedom you want. But over the years, you and Jaehyun proved your importance to the field and they couldn’t do anything to get you to break up again. Of course Jaehyun’s father wasn’t pleased to be in love with a no one like you. Even though you’re his favorite assassin, he couldn’t let his only son marry someone nameless, who kills for a living and is only successful in life because of his generosity.

“Let them be, I’ll have her killed by the time Jaehyun becomes the boss,” are his exact words to his secretary after hearing the news of your relationship. “Let them play,”

And that is why you and Jaehyun had beautiful years of relationship together.

One fine day, Chanyeol called everyone for an important meeting. A mission that involves everyone, this will be pretty big you thought. Even Mr. Jeong’s foreign bodyguards are present, Mr. Jeong’s assistant and some more bodyguards.

Chanyeol says, starting the meeting as he enters the room, explaining to everyone that Jaehyun will finally appear in public as Jeong Yoonoh and will be introduced as the next Jeong in line in front of all Mr. Jeong’s right hand.

“We will protect and assist the Jeong family as they make a public appearance for a gathering. Yoonoh is going to be there to represent his father- I know that you guys trained together and it’s weird to protect Jaehyun”

“Tell me about it” you joked but Jaehyun looked at you with flirty eyes.

“But he’s still a Jeong too. And we made an oath that we will protect the Jeongs with all our heart” Taeyong said. “Can we all be serious now?” The leader speaks.

“Thank you Taeyong… going back to the mission…” Chanyeol continues to explain what needs to be done. You’re hearing everything fine, you understand what needs to be done. But the truth about what Taeyong said still lingers in your mind. And Jaehyun can see it in your eyes.

Jaehyun is the reason for your purpose.

“This is the first time that the big bosses are going to see Jaehyun as an adult… so that’s why Jaehyun’s appearance is a threat to everyone. Knowing far too well that the Jeong’s clan still has a successor” Chanyeol explained.

“The Prince Jaehyun” Yuta teases his friend.

“No no, more like a bait” you said, “This is a good opportunity for the business to know who’s the traitor or not. The companies that will send assassins to kill Jaehyun is the Jeong’s way to know about the truth- what a sick way”

The room went silent. And that is where everyone realized that Jaehyun may be special in everyone’s eyes, but his family use him for business and business only. Jaehyun knew everything about it, ever since he was a kid, his father never missed an opportunity to make him feel like shit. That’s why he didn’t want to be a Jeong and can’t wait to turn his back on this circus one day.

“Not to mention… The two Phantoms that are left alive are very much interested with this gathering because it’s good for business… this can be our chance to meet Ten and Kun— and Y/n can be on standby to kill the two Phantoms—“

“I’m not killing any Phantoms again Chanyeol… you know that, let Taeyong do it.” you said, looking at the floor.

“Well no one is available to do the job,” Chanyeol exclaims, “You will kill them,” and that is the end of this discussion.

“Unlike the other 5 Phantoms that has a very low profile, the entire world knows what Ten looks like because he is a socialite. Our only problem is he is heavily guarded at all times…”

The preparation for this mission took days to perfect but everyone is ready and well prepared to finally protect the Jeongs for the first time in their lives as an assassin. Everyone was ready except Jaehyun.

“Can I sleep here? I don’t want to sleep alone tonight before the big day” Jaehyun said with a soft smile. Even though you’re now openly dating each other, you two are not allowed to have a place on your own,

“Your room and bed is bigger Jae,” you said to him but you made room for him in your bed. You lay first, followed by Jaehyun who wrapped his arms around you immediately. “I like yours better. It allows me to squeeze in beside you like this” he said with a smile.

“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” You asked while patting his head softly. Letting him know that you have his back.

“I am-“ he said but you did not let him continue.

“Oh come on Jaehyun youve been an assassin for years and years now you can’t be nervous. I’m not having it” you said. But he looked serious.

“Yeah but. Not as Jeong Yoonoh — I’m not confident as Yoonoh. I’m not brave as Yoonoh” He reached for your hand and intertwined it with his, “The idea of Jeong Yoonoh is perfect. This place only knew the real me. But outside these walls, they think that I’m perfect, powerful because of my family’s name, I know how to run the business- but the truth is I know nothing. The shit that will come out to my mouth tomorrow is all scripted. It pains me to see myself like this Y/n”

And thats where you saw that he is seriously worried for tomorrow. You have no idea how to show that he has nothing to be afraid of. So you kissed him. Sweetly kissed him. And poured out your feelings into that kiss.

“Just remember that I got my eyes on you tomorrow, I’m your angel” you tried to take away his nervousness. Oh you wish you could help him even more.

First thing in the morning, Jaehyun was escorted to be with his family by Chanyeol and it was the first time ever that the 127 Squad traveled as a team with only four members. “Feels weird right?” Teayong blurted out coldly, “then no one should fuck up. Don’t let Jaehyun die today,” he reminded everyone.

As Jaehyun enjoy his time nervously with his family, the assassination squad are all in their assigned places. Mark is talking nonstop from the earpiece, Yuta and Taeyong are beside Jaehyun, keeping him safe. And you’re on standby, waiting for Ten and Kun to show up. It was one hell of a busy and nervous day.

After a few minutes of waiting, Ten showed up with an army of bodyguards. Shameless. You thought. He went straight to Jaehyun like they’re closed friends already, smiling like he doesn’t have something dirty on his sleeve.

“Jaehyun, get him to talk,” you said through the radio, but Ten was fast enough to start the conversation.

“Tell me Jaehyun— the truth and nothing but the truth only,” Ten smiled so big in front of Jaehyun, enjoying his drink, “Did your family killed my friends? as if they’re like cockroaches?”

Jaehyun was about to stand up and leave him talking, but Ten was one clever man.

“I bet Hendery gave you and your girl a rough time, he really wanted to kill you and get your girl… maybe she was really good in bed that’s why my friend went crazy in love”

After that sentence. Ten looked through your way. As if he knows how you’re on standby and ready to kill him. How could he know your exact location. Exact location. It scared you.

“The fact that you know that were together tells me that you knew too much already,” Jaehyun said calmly, “All the more reason for me to kill you dont you think?”

“Jaehyun dont fucking start a chaos now!” Chanyeol yelled through the radio, “You are Yoonoh today, not Bitter peach”

“Your friends are all crazy— that makes you crazy too” Jaehyun added.

“I’m not here to get killed. And I’m not here to start a chaos either. It’s bad for business and for the both of us,” He let out a heavy sigh with a big smile. A big mocking smile, “I’m here to invite you to my house and talk business. Consider this as the right and polite way to make business together. Without killing anyone or getting killed— let’s stop the killings here,….”he continued to talk about business, a lot of shit that Jaehyun couldn’t understand but good thing his father’s assistant was there too. Of course Ten made the invitation like it was strictly business, and fooled the assistant. Ten reached out his hand, offering him a deal in front of his father, of course Jaehyun couldn’t do anything about it.

Hendery was right after all, he’s just a powerless Jeong.

When everyone came back home, everyone is discussing and agreeing about that ‘invitation’ from Ten. It was obviously a trap. Even you think that it was trap. It was obvious that Ten is a mad man. But Jaehyun’s father was fooled too, he was fooled by Ten’s charms and business talk.

“If you’re comfortable with it, can you answer how nice Hendery was to you?” Taeyong asked politely. Giving you a cup of coffee because you badly needed one.

“He was thoughtful. Family oriented, and a gentleman in bed,” you laughed it out and said it truthfully to Taeyong. He cant believe what he just heard. He was amused.

“Does Jaehyun know,” Taeyong laughed while asking.

“Of course. That guy knows everything,”

“So do you think it’s safe for him to make business with Ten?”

“It would be his greatest mistake Tae,” you let out a sigh, “Those guys are monsters, even Hendery was but he didn’t show it to me,”

“Well then stop him from stepping a foot to that guys house,”

But of course Jaehyun couldn’t resist. As long as his father ordered it. When Jaehyun did his part to showing up to the meeting, Ten didn’t…it was a trap indeed. But Ten didn’t bail on the business deal, he still did his part, signed contract with the Jeongs, etc. he just wanted to hurt Jaehyun physically without getting his own hands dirty. That way, there’s no proof that Ten ordered the assault. Smart man. Ten’s guys tortured Jaehyun inside that big house from sun up to sun down. Sending Jaehyun back to 127 house all covered in blood, naked and you couldn’t almost recognize him. Chanyeol drove him straight to the hospital and that is the end of Jaehyun’s career as an assassin.

Only families are allowed to visit him in his room and of course his family wont allow any of you guys to come near him. For all you know, he will never be Bitter Peach again. He will be Jeong Yoonoh everyday now.

While Jaehyun was in a coma, you were pretty busy with a lot of missions here and there. The squad and Chanyeol is busy with searching for Ten, but no one is getting lucky this time around. Your anger and drive to take revenge for Jaehyun has put aside because all you want right now is his safety and for him to wake up. But even though youre not doing anything right now, you swear to kill Ten and make him pay for what he did to Jaehyun.

But now… another thing is hurting you.

Like Jaehyun… you feel like a powerless person who couldn’t even visit the love of your life in the hospital. You can see how you’re 100% and perfectly incompatible for Jaehyun. You’re nothing but someone who works for his family after all.

The wait for Jaehyun to wake up was excrutiating. Depressing and uncertain. His wounds may be healing, but hes still sleeping soundly.

“The Jeongs wont cut Jaehyun’s life line right?” Yuta expressed his frustration when he overheard an ugly rumor about Jaehyun’s family cutting his life line.

“No. Mr. Jeong won’t have a successor and his pride wont handle that” Taeyong finishes Yuta’s worries.

He was in coma for two weeks. You can’t eat, sleep or even think properly because your mind is busy worrying. And when you received the news that he finally woke up, you were already on your way for a mission and all you could do is cry in the car because of happiness but of course with a mix of anger, how could Chanyeol sent you away for a mission now that Jaehyun is awake.

While you were way, you got the news that Jahyun’s assassin days are over. His father was scared that he’d lose Jaehyun again, even before Jaehyun could fulfill his duties. You also hard the news that they removed all his things from 127 house and they only see him through video calls now … and as Yoonoh.

“It’s like they forced us to forget the friendship that we had— Jaehyun was against it. Damn he looked sad during the meeting earlier” Mark said.

“He’s currently, learning shit about his family’s business while still healing” Taeyong added.

“Well guys, I have to go now. Thanks for the news. I’m really glad he’s safer than ever. You guys look out for him… for me” you said with a heavy heart before ending the call. This mission is taking too long its frustrating you even more. You wanted to hug him so bad and comfort him, tell him that he will do great as Yoonoh. But you can’t.

Then you saw your phone light up your dark room. It was Mark who sent you a text,

“Don’t worry. We’ve planned everything already. You just have to wait for him ;)”

After that message from Mark they never called you again or texted you, you just trusted your friends and their so called ‘plan’ for you and Jaehyun to meet up. And again, the wait was brutal. The wait lasted for four months and sure did felt like he was never going to show up. All you could do is hope that this mission will soon be over so you could go home and do things your way.

Tonight, the wait is over. He’s not 100% healed, he can’t walk straight yet and his right arm is still broken.

But he brought you flowers. And wore the biggest smile. If only you knew how happy Jaehyun is right now, seeing you and holding you in his arms again.

“Hi beautiful. Missed me?” he wrapped is left arm around you and kissed you one too many times. Oh you missed those soft lips.

“Are you warm enough?” you asked with worried eyes, “Are you hurting? How are you?”

“I’m warm, but you can make it better,” he winks and started to kiss your neck.

“Okay I’m convinced you’re all well now,”

The cold night became warm and even warmer as hours go by. You and Jaehyun did not even waste a second and made love the whole night.

This was far from everything you’ve had from New York, your place was small, cramped and it wasnt fancy at all. It completely symbolizes how you feel for the past couple of months while you’re away from Jaehyun.

“I didn’t know you were coming today… I didn’t get the chance to tidy up—“ you apologize while you let Jaehyun kiss your body, feel his warm lips on your skin. It felt like you were dreaming, you almost lost him, he almost died…

“Stop it with your ugly thoughts, Im here now” he whispers beside your ear, giving you goosebumps, making your heart skip a beat. His touch is everything, it give you comfort, the assurance that you’re not dreaming and that he’s real and beside you now. He intertwined his fingers with yours, kissing it one too many times to make you believe. “I’m here” he said again and again and again. Putting your arms around his neck before he starts kissing your neck sweetly, his hands cant get enough of your being, kisses trails down from your neck to your boobs. Sipping on your nipples one by one, making it harder by the second, licking it just the way you like it and teasing you with a soft pinch without a warning just so he can see a faint smile on you face.

“Do I need to tease you the whole night just so I could see that smile?” He asked softly and proceeds to kissing your lips. You feel his hand go down in between your thighs, spreading them just the way you like it and checking your slit if you’re wet already. Of course. This man can make you wet by just a touch.

He teases you with his soft touch, touching your slit softly while he kisses your neck. Softly his fingers moved in between your thighs and dance softly on your skin, not putting anything yet inside, which make you crave for him even more. He kneeled in between your legs and spread them wide, still running his fingers on your slit to make you wetter. And without a warning, he planted a soft kiss on your inner thigh, which if course you know whats coming next… a soft lick on your cunt that soon became kisses. You feel both his hands spreading your pussy lips so he could lick you on the right places. Your body is on fire, you wanted to close your legs so bad but Jaehyun’s tongue felt so good. All this so you get hurt by the time he puts his cock inside of you.

By the time Jaehyun met your eyes again, you were catching your breath and holding on to his arm as hard as you could. “Babe, it hurts” he smiled handsomely and kissed you. You immediately stopped what you were doing and apologized, asked him if he was hurting to other places but the man in between your legs is currently so horny and is longing for your tight walls already. He kissed you hungrily, almost as if taking your breath away, and when you felt the tip of his cock by your entrance, he slowly pushed in until his whole cock is inside of you. “You’re soaking” he managed to whisper while thrusting in and out, his arms caging you while you take everything. Lips crashing every second while feeling his thick cock, listening to each other’s moans and groans, never ending touching and lust.

The night became longer when you two spent your time just talking and laughing. Tomorrow he leaves already. But he promised to fix everything and make you come home as soon he talks to the right people. He also promised that now that he’s not an assassin anymore, he can finally prove that he’s worthy of the name Jeong. He wanted to prove that Hendery is wrong, that he’s not a powerless Jeong.

“Now I know that this is not the original plan before we decided to get back again but…”

“You dont need to explain yourself Jae” you said while you snuggle and bring yourself closer to him. He accepts it by hugging you back and planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

He may not say it to you, but he is scared for himself too. Even though he promised you that he will give up his name just so he could turn his back someday, you let him shine and be Jeong Yoonoh still because this is right.

“What time do you leave?” You asked softly, careful not to break the silence.

“Around 6 in the morning? It has been a beautiful night— are you happy?” He asked. “I am. Im really happy right now” he added.

“Telling you I’m happy is an understatement,”

“Im sorry if I make your life complicated” he says, “just hang in there and we’ll have longer days and longer nights like this. For now… just let me make you happy in my own way”

Even though Jaehyun was scared for the drastic change in his life, he did it anyway. He did it even though he’s doubting himself. He did it even though he knew he’s not going to be good at it. He did it even though he misses you bad. He did it even though he’s tired. He did it. And he did with only a year of knowing the ins and outs of their business. Knowing every people involved in their company. Making it his own kingdom instead of making it control him. And of course he did this to prove to everyone that he’s the boss now.

Jaehyun changed for the better, even more respected, smarter and wiser this time.

He didn’t want to be like his father. Scary and will opt for war in an instant. Jaehyun wanted to change the system. Enough with he killings, just strictly business. But even though he’s the boss now, his father is still the last call. He cant fully change everything, not until he’s gone.

Three years in the relationship

It was half past ten already and you’re still not sure about your target for tomorrow. You scanned pages of papers over and over again, reading every word and catching every detail but you still don’t have a clear shot for what’s coming tomorrow. It’s Ten. It was the same case as Hendery’s. But this time, you know the face that you need to kill.

And you can’t wait to kill that fucker. You will strangle him with your own hands if you have to .

“You look sexy when you’re concentrating, hi,” your boyfriend came out of nowhere who’s been gone for three days but you didn’t notice because you were too busy. You’re even surprised that he went straight here, in 127 house instead of your shared place. “Still flying blind for tomorrow?” He asks while his right hand soothes your back, giving you a slight massage to somehow relieve your stress. It felt like an invitation if you’re being honest. An invitation to ‘come rest and enjoy the night with me’, but at the same time you were desperate to finish this job as soon as you can.

“I think he will really show up tomorrow, and if I could only finish this, I could get home to you tonight— are you here to pick me up? I really can’t go home tonight” you said sternly but your voice was breaking. Frustrated because you missed him so much, and now that he’s here, you only have hours to be with him.

Jaehyun chuckled handsomely at what you said, looking at you lovingly and silently proud of the woman you’ve become. “I’m not going anywhere,” he planted a soft kiss on your forehead and you immediately wrapped your arms around him. “I’ll go home alone if that’s what you want. Pomise you will come home? In one piece and safe?” he joked while spreading kisses on your neck and caging you with his strong arms.

“Yes I promise” you said but still accepting what Jaehyun is doing to you. You don’t mind how his very touch melts your whole being, how his kisses are the best persuasion you’ve ever experienced, and how his hands are all over you but somehow he’s stopping himself. He left a sweet kiss on your lips which you returned without hesitating.

When Jaehyun left you alone in the study room, you feel bad for rejecting him. You know he longs for you, you know he misses you so much, and you know that you can die tomorrow and neglecting yourself from Jaehyun’s loving company is a stupid thing to do. “Fuck” you said as you think about the moment earlier. His touch, kisses, his very presence. You missed him. So much.

And so you arranged all the papers, cleaned up the desk and went to your room to prepare everything in advance for tomorrow. Guns, knives and other important things that might save you, you packed it all and drive yourself home to Jaehyun. The preparation took a while and Jaehyun might be sleeping already but whatever, you will sleep beside him tonight. You silently walked into your shared room see him dressed in his black sleepwear, calm and peaceful. Hugging a pillow and pretending that it’s you. Oh he looked so innocent.

“Hey,” you wake him up and removed the pillow from his arms because he doesn’t need to pretend anymore. “I’m here now and I’m sorry about earlier” you apologized sincerely and hug him tightly. All of a sudden the cold room became warm.

“Hmm. It’s okay it’s not your fault” he keeps you close to him and cage you with his strong arms. Oh you missed being like this.

“How was your business meeting?” You asked because you figured it was not easy given that he was gone for three days.

“Bloody, but I stayed alive,” he joked, pretending that he’s still an assassin. “You do the same thing too, okay? Come home to me”

“I will, always” you assured him.

“Want me to assist you tomorrow?” He offered. Just because he’s worried about you, and maybe because he couldn’t handle being apart from you anymore.

“No baby, I will be fine you need rest,”

He nods and said “I love you”

“I love you”

Its been three years since you almost lost Jaehyun. The past couple of years were hard on the both of you, mainly because his family never approved you as Jaehyuns girlfriend. But Jaehyun never actually cared about what people think, but you do.

Sometimes you imagine yourself disappear in this place and get away from Jaehyun’s love. Dont get me wrong, you love Jaehyun just as mush as you love him but until now, you cant help but think that you have nothing to give to him. When he introduced you to his family formally, they did not approved and clearly hear them gasped sharply when they heard that you’re part of the 127 squad.

You see every Jeong that you knew in the room, the very Jeongs that you swore to protect with all your life. But none of them are thankful to what you do for their family.

“You will be the cause of Jae’s death I know it”

And those words from Jaehyun’s sister still haunts you. It was just a dream right now but that scene really happened. And it broke your spirit.

You face Jaehyun while he was sleeping, caressed his face softly and left sweet kisses. He no longer sleep talks and scream in his sleep you thought, little did you know its all because of you. You are Jaehyun’s peace. “Good morning, I love you. I’ll see you in a few days” you whispered and snuggled closer to him.

While you were away, Jaehyun did not expect his father wanted to see him. He was clueless of what’s going on because every business meeting was already taken care of. Nonetheless, he still went to the office and give respects.

“You wanted to see me” Jaehyun said.

“Sit son,” his said.

“How are you?” his father asked, Jaehyun answered directly and fast because he did not like small talks. “How is Y/n?” this question made Jaehyun smile. Maybe he’s here because his father finally approves. But just after Jaehyun was so happy telling his father all about you, he wasn’t so pleased to hearing that your relationship is going strong.

“I was hoping that your relationship is in shambles and that she finally come to her senses and left you but- I won’t beat around the bush anymore. I want you to meet the daughter of my good friend Johnny. They’re americans, maybe just maybe, you will realize how y/n has no match to these other women who has education a family background and power. Do it for the family. Meet her”

“That druggie? Y/n protects our family, how could you say that to her” Jaehyun defends. At least he tried.

And then his father’s secretary knocked on the door to remind his father about other errands. Jaehyun felt so powerless at that moment, he can’t even make his own father listen to him. Ever since he was a kid, Jaehyun did not like how his father controlled him and that is why he never considered himself as a Jeong. He hated being a Jeong so much.

When you came back after a failed mission, good thing Jaehyun was waiting and expecting you to arrive. Ever since he stopped being an assassin his schedule became busier than ever, but of course, now that he’s one of the boss, he’s never too busy for you.

“I need to ask you something” Jaehyun started while pouring you another glass of his favorite wine, “If I ask you to marry me-“

“No. The answer is no, Jaehyun” you sat closer to him and asked him what’s wrong and what’s troubling him. You can see it in his eyes. He wouldn’t mention marriage out of nowhere if everything was fine. “Not yet. Please. We haven’t have any peaceful years in our relationship and marriage will just make it worst I believe” You added.

But the thing is, he couldn’t just say that he’s father is making him marry someone, Jaehyun knew your insecurities of course, he couldn’t just say and be honest with you right now. So he didn’t answer any of your question. He just left a kiss on your lips and drank his wine slowly. Looking at his glass, lost in the silence like you’re not even beside him even though his hand is holding your hand.

It’s clear that something is bothering him.

Or maybe… Jaehyun really wanted to get married already?

You wont know. You don’t know.

But for Jaehyun, if you don’t want to marry him yet. That’s fine. As long as you will stay by his side and to never leave him. But little did you know, Jaehyun has a plan. If you don’t want it yet, well he will give you reasons to marry him and say yes soon.

“Lets just have one peaceful year, then lets get married” you blurted out just so you can stop worrying. His silence is choking you. He smiled and let out a cute laugh, hearing that from you, completely changed the mood and made Jaehyun happy. He is never greedy in life, he never asked for anything else, but when it comes to you, he wants all of you. That’s all he ever wanted.

“Okay… so correct me if I’m wrong but… you’re saying that we could get married some time next year?” he chuckled and teased you.

“Ugh. Yes. It’s just that… I can’t handle it when you’re like this. I love you and I want to be with you too but… you have to understand that the life we curently have is not a good life. We don’t have freedom Jae” you expressed your worries.

The wine in front of you two is completely forgotten.

“Okay. Okay. I understand.” he pulls you closer for a hug, wrapping you in his strong arms, “No pressure” he says and kissed you softly.

But even though you two compromised already, he’s still on the missions to make you want to marry him soon. And he will try until he succeeds. Hopefully.

The next day, he brought you to his sister’s brunch event, it was an awkward place to be, but you and Jaehyun wanted to see Sofi, Jaehyun’s niece and wish her a happy birthday. It was also a statement to Jaehyun’s family that he will not take any of their shits from now on. He will love whoever he chooses.

“Uncle Yoonoh is here!!!” Jaehyun shouted while catching young Sofi and lift her to the ground. The little girl was ecstatic and excited, to be carried by her uncle. She also hugged you and said hello before she invites you in and to let her lead the tour and introduced you to her friends.

“Why don’t you marry and have kids already instead of pestering me with your visits. My kids are always looking for you lately saying “uncle Jaehyun is the best when is he going to visit?” Jaehyun sister says as she makes a perfect impersonation of her kids. Jaehyun chuckled and gave his sister a kiss.

“Ive been trying” Jaehyun says with a big smile.

“To what? To getting married? To whom? To the daughter of Johnny Seo? Jeez she was your type?” Jaehyun’s sister said without hesitation. Not even thinking about you.

“No. I’ve been trying to get Y/n to say ‘yes’” Jaehyun says directly, “You do realize that were never breaking up. I’ll handle the Seos , I’m sure I can make business with them-“

“You’ll gain nothing from her Jae. Look at you now, you’re already suffering. You have the Phantoms and the Seo’s choking you hard… and now the girl you love doesn’t want to marry you? Ungrateful bitch”

“Its love. She has her reasons. I’ll try and try” Jaehyun says with a smile.

“Whatever your plan is, do it faster. By the time that Seo girl takes over her father’s business, we’re screwed Jae-“

“Tell me, why are we in debt with the Seos again?” It was an honest question, “all I know is they lend us money back when father’s business isn’t going well”

“Nothing special. Johnny Suh is one greedy motherfucker. His daughter is ready to get married and of course pairing her to the heir of the powerful Jeong family is the best way to be richer”

“That’s it?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yep. No plots,” his sister laughs.

“This is our word Jae. It’s already fucked up, it doesn’t need a plot anymore. Dad made you an assassin and made you kill for the family and suddenly you’re the boss, haven’t you learned anything?”

It was quiet for a moment. Then his sister said something unexpected, something he didn’t expect shed say.

“Stop caging Y/n Jae… Don’t you think she deserve so much better than this? If you really love her, set her free. This is not a place for her, she earned her freedom. And marrying you just makes her permanently imprisoned under the Jeongs…. you want a plot?” she smirked, “picture this. Someday, when she’s all fed up with all of this shit, she will leave you and you can’t do anything about it because you love her”

After knowing the truth about the Seos and after hearing the ugly truth from his sister, Jaehyun drowned himself with work and stayed in his office alone for a few days. It was like his head was splitting into half. One second he’s thinking about business and deals wih the Seos. Then the next minute he’ thinking about you. It wasn’t easy. He was trained to be an assassin and fix things with a gun or a knife, but this… this cannot be easily fixed with violence and Jaehyun knew that damn well. It’s frustrating him,

“Hey-“ you startled Jaehyun. He was lost in all the paper work that he needs to finish. His mind is already tired, but the one giving him rest and peace has entered the room. His mood completely changed when he saw you. “What’s up?” You added.

You sat on the vacant table beside him and watch him undo his sleeves and roll them up. He’s ready to call it a day already, you’re here.

Jaehyun stood in between your legs, making you wrap your arms around his neck, and your legs around his waist. Lips immediately found its place on your neck, down to your chest. “Wanna have sex on this table?” Jaehyun asked while kissing you sweetly. You can only nod and agree to his crazy idea. Not to mention, its been too long since you two did something like this.

He was quick to remove your pajama, leaving your shirt and panties on. Obviously, this was a stress release, you can see it in his eyes that he was stressed for days already and now that he got time he’s just craving for your body and craving for you in general. You went down from the table, kneeling in front of Jaehyun and help him undo his belt. His Calvin Klein boxer briefs always looked sexy on him you thought.

“You dont need to do this” he bend down and kissed you on the lips before you pull out his cock and give it good lick. Making sure its all wet and hard, watching Jaehyun from below… watching him became weaker every lick that you give him. And when you finally put it in your mouth, his hands are both relaxed on your head, pushing in gently as possible so he could reach the depths of your throat.

Jaehyun is not hard to please, he loved everything that your tongue is doing to his cock. Sucking and licking, it takes his breath away.

“I’m gonna cum” he warns you and made you stand and bend you on the table. He was quick to pull your panties to the side and thrust inside you, hitting you with fast thrust that made the table rock, you thought it will break any second. Then he pulled you closer to his chest, putting your hands behind you, his lips on your neck as he continues to fuck you good while he cums.

Slowly, while he rides his high he continues to plant kisses on you, “your turn” he says with ragged breaths. He made you lay down the table and spread your legs wide, watching his cum come out of your cunt, playing it with his fingers, turning you on while he bend down and proceeds to suck you boobs. You can feel that even though he already came, he’s still hard, very hard. And when he thrusted in again, the stretch was incredible.

“You’re so hard, fuck Jae,”

“Does it hurt?” He asks while he continues to fuck you, his lips on your lips, his hand busy with kneading your boobs and teasing your nipples. Everything was too much.

You and Jaehyun went on for a few couple of rounds. Few, but dirty and wild. It felt like you bith have the energy to go on and on, fuck like teenagers and do anything you could think of.

“Can you stop taking pills? I’ve read that, its affecting your emotions its not healthy,” he says sweetly.

“Woah there, since when did you know so much about these stuff?” you kissed him sweetly on the neck, reaching for his cock and checking if he’s still good for another round. “Well can you stop cumming inside me?” You joked, but your hands got him on chokehold but not for long. He was on top of you again, kissing your body and spreading your legs.

“Then I’ll wear a condom just stop taking those and I’ll try not to cum inside you, just please be healthy Im worried” he said before he puts it in for the nth time tonight.

“Hi beautiful”

Your heart beat so fast in a matter of seconds the moment you hear his deep voice. You smiled and continue to prepare your things.

“I can see you smiling from this hidden camera planted on the lapshade… I’ll tell Mark to hack this for good-“

You chuckled at what you just heard, “can you please stop hacking Mark’s shit and let the kid work?— let us work, rather”

“I just miss you” he said.

“Miss me? You could have call me—“

“I’ve been calling you. The moment you landed on Thailand” you tried looking for your phone the moment he mentioned it but you cant see it on your desk, “baby, its at the back pocket” you can hear him laugh at you. “Oh can’t wait to take care of you for the rest of my life, anyway, Mark is on I should go. I love you. Come home, alright?”

Right before you could even say that you love him, Mark got his control with the system and jumped right into whatever details you need for the big day tomorrow.

The call was at least 3 hours. Full of plotting and brainstorming, nothing about this big plan was rushed. If there’s one thing that you learned about this whole thing, it’s perfect timing. Ten is hard to find, and it took you months to get a head start. Ten was even harder to track, and it took you a few more months to keep track on him… all because of perfect timing.

Revenge. “Happy Revenge day” you murmured to yourself.

A steady look through the snipper, breathing and out calmly as you watch Ten, the first Phantom, flirt with his lover at his private penthouse.. well, it’s not private anymore, because tonight you’re gonna invade that.

“Green light,” Mark’s happy voice was clear through your earpiece. “Are you going to kill his lover too?” Mark asks.

“Yeah,” you answered calmly, “he wanted to kill me too when he thought he killed Jaehyun”

By the time you remember how Ten tortured Jaehyun, you pulled the trigger… and killed his lover. You watch Ten for a few minutes to do everything he wanted.. cry, call for help, shake his dead lover, watch him get scared and take cover.

As long as you watch him suffer.. as long as you see the sadness in his eyes because the love of his life died right before his eyes… he’s good as dead to you.

There’s a part of you that you didn’t want to kill Ten, not because youre nice. But because you wanted to make him suffer even more and live with the pain in his heart forever.

“Consider this as mercy,” you whispered through the cold air, wishing that Ten could hear it. And in a matter of second, your mercy was released. And you watch Ten bleed on his expensive marble floor.

It’s done.

5 Phantoms dead… and there’s only one left.

You smiled at the thought of your achievement. You smile as you watch the beautiful sunrise in front of you.

When you got home everyone applauded you for killing Ten, they couldn’t believe that you did all the work alone from investigations to finally killing Ten. He was a bit of a work you thought, he was hard to track, hard to find, and hard kill. But you saw his weakness… because you two are the same. You two have one thing in common.

Your lovers are your weakness.

“I’m happy you’re here beside me,” Jaehyun whispers while he pats your head softly.

You squeezed him and hugged him tighter.

“And since, it was such a beautiful kill,” you both giggled, “we should celebrate, we should go to a fancy restaurant tomorrow and celebrate” Jaehyun says excitedly but you looked like you’re not interested, maybe you’re tired, or maybe you just wanted to get on with it as soon as possible and find Kun.

“What do you know about Kun?” You asked Jaehyun.

“Well, he’s the riches among them. He knows all sorts of thing. A real family guy- he can fly a plane”

“Well maybe he’s not down here you know—“

“What? Do you think he lives on the clouds?” Jaehyun joked. “Please babe, you just got home. Take a breather, rest” Jaehyun once again provided calm to your life. And while you two enjoy each other’s warmth in his cozy bed, he’s playing with your engagement ring and kissed you good night.

He’s more than happy that you came back and now you’re safe in his loving arms.

The next day, he brought you to a fancy restaurant and had dinner together. It was a public space which you think was beautiful. Normal people eat on public spaces like this. They chat, dine, laugh until their stomachs hurt… it was all refreshing to you. And Jaehyun knew that.

That’s why he’s smiling from across the table, looking at you while you look at the people around you. He loves seeing you like this.

“Have you ever thought of early retirement Jae?” You asked him with a smile while he drinks wine.

“As an assassin? No.” He answered truthfully and poured you another glass of wine. “I would rather be Bitter Peach than Jeong Jaehyun”

“Sorry I forgot-“ he reach for your hand and told you its fine. He understands that you’re overwhelmed with the surroundings.

“You know while you’re gone.. me and Taeyong.. weve been growing tomatoes and herbs,” he had a proud smirk before he reaches his phone from his pocket and showed you pictures of what he has been doing in the gardens. “I’ve thought of someday having a winery…”

“That sound cool,”

“Have a winery while growing old with you” he added.

“Well, that’s beautiful” you said while he reaches for you slowly and give you a kiss.

But after that beautiful kiss you suddenly dropped on floor.

Your nose was bleeding and slowly you’re loosing air.

Slowly your vision fades out. You can’t move but your mind is telling you to stay awake. “Baby! Dont you dare close your eyes!” You hear Jaehyun yell at you, but even though he’s yelling and slightly slapping you to help you stay awake, you felt useless.

Then you coughed blood.

Jaehyun is already on the phone with Mark, asking for help. “Mark hurry up— she’s bleeding so much!” Jaehyun yelled through his phone.

You watch him try his best.

You saw his perfect clothes got stained with your blood.

And that was the last thing you saw before you closed your eyes.

Thank you so much for reading this work of mine! If you love what you read, please leave something in my inbox and tell me how you feel! CLICK THIS LINK. I hope we can practice, give and take.

Stay tuned for the next part! -B.

#nct smut #jeong jaehyun smut #jung jaehyun smut #jaehyun smut #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 #jaehyun #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct #nct 127 smut #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun fic #fuck marry kill #fmk

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ddejavvu · 9 months

Note

mei!! congrats on 20k!! 'i just don't want anyone to know i've fallen for you.' - send me a request for a baby blurb! give me a character, and a plotline, and i'll write you a little fanfiction :) bradley bradshaw being so starstruck of his newborn caroline :)) him always staring at the baby being all :]] and every time she cries he stops whatever he drops and stops whatever he's doing immediately and be all D: and him being such a good house husband taking care of his wife after giving birth

join my 20K celebration!

'i just don't want anyone to know i've fallen for you.' - send me a request for a baby blurb! give me a character, and a plotline, and i'll write you a little fanfiction :)

Bradley isn't easily broken away from Guys' Night. This week it's online, over headsets while he stations himself in front of the television with a controller in his hand. He's not the biggest fan of video games, but Hangman's challenged him, so he has to be the best.

You're happy to let him have time to himself, because it isn't easy to get that with a newborn baby. Bradley's gone above and beyond what you'd ever expected of him, volunteering for every feeding and scooping little Caroline up each time she cries. He'll always hand her over to you if you ask, but he's stuck to her like a magnet, so you're happy that he's getting a break to do something a little more fun than washing dirty onesies.

You're putting her in a fresh one now, the soiled one in the laundry pile. She doesn't like that she's not being coddled, already spoiled by her dad's insistence on holding her, and she starts to fuss while you're picking out her new outfit.

"Honey, it's okay," You croon, your wrist bent at an awkward angle as you rifle through a drawer of her onesies. You're looking for a specific print, but if she doesn't calm, you might have to go with the first one you can grab.

"It's alright," You promise her, watching her little face screw up, "No, honey, no tears, c'mon. You're okay, Mommy's here, you're-"

"Honey?" Bradley makes a rather unexpected appearance, headset still over his ears and mic angled downwards as he surveys the situation. Apparently he's heard her cries, and come running like a puppy on a leash.

"She's okay, Brad." You promise, finally finding the soft texture of the onesie you're searching for and dragging it out of the drawer, "Just fussy. You can go back to your game, sorry she scared you."

"S'okay," He shakes his head, taking the headset off and discarding it haphazardly on the dresser as he crosses the room to pick her up, "Daddy missed you, y'know? Holding a video game controller is so much worse than holding a baby. 'Specially when she's so cute," He gushes, leaning down to rub his nose to hers, which soothes her cries in an instant, "Huh, angel? Cutest baby in the world."

"That makes sense, though," Bradley hums, cradling her to his chest and angling his body towards you so that she looks the same way, "'Cause your mama's so beautiful, doesn't surprise me you are, too. Yeah," He sends you a dopey grin, turning back to Caroline to kiss her forehead, unphased as she drags a fistful of his shirt into her mouth. You hear a faint slew of sounds coming from Bradley's headset, and you reach for it, tentatively holding one of the pads to your ear. You're worried about what you might hear, considering all you've heard about video game talk among men, but all that greets you is whiny grown men.

"-fair! Rooster just gets to dip whenever he's dying, and go hold a baby?"

"I'd ditch this round, too, if I were him," Hangman drawls, "He knew he couldn't catch up with me."

"I dunno, Hangman. I'd rather go see my gorgeous wife and kid than beat your score," Payback quips, and you let out a fond chuckle for the man.

"Thanks, Reuben," You hum into the mic, and Bradley shares an amused grin with you over their antics.

"Hey, there she is! How's the baby?" Fanboy pipes up, and you wish you could show him her sleepy little face as she curls into Bradley's embrace.

"She's good! She's tired," You laugh, "Bradley might be occupied for a little while longer."

"All good," Javy promises, and you can hear the adoring grin in his voice, "And how's the mama?"

"I'm tired, too," You laugh, "Maybe I'll leave Caroline with Bradley and go take a nap myself."

"Go ahead, baby," Bradley nods, speaking at a low enough level that it doesn't bother Caroline where she's beginning to doze off on his chest, "I'll put the port-a-crib in the living room, 'n watch over her while I play. I'm sure she'll nap for a bit, she's probably tired since she missed her 10 o'clock nap."

"You sure?" You raise a concerned brow, "I was just teasing, Brad, I can take her."

"I'm sure," He waves off your worry, "Go nap, honey, you deserve it. I can handle her, I promise."

"I know you can," You smile at his insistence, "I just don't want to mess up Guys' Night."

"No, she could never mess it up," Bradley kisses Caroline's smooth forehead, "She'll just make it better, baby. I'll teach her to play."

"She'll eat your controller," You giggle, passing Bradley's headset back over to him and kissing your sleepy baby's chubby cheek, "Be good for Dada, okay? And go easy on Hangman, jellybean, I don't think he can handle being beaten by a baby."

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foolishlovers · 2 months

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TRANS HUMAN AUs: Below you can find a list of Good Omens human AUs featuring trans characters.

[Requested by anon. You can request more fic recs here.] it’s okay, maybe not forever but we got today by astheworldcomestoanend (G, 1k) Aziraphale’s parents are fighting again, so he goes over to Crowley’s house to spend the night with him. Crowley is more than happy to bring his angel in and make sure he’s okay.

Win Condition by ineffablefool (G, 1k) Human AU. Aziraphale and Crowley's junior high school sets up a really weird school-wide Valentine's Day game that they're both kind of side-eying for different reasons. Talking about it over lunch gives them both the chance to confess something, though!

Belonging by LittleQueerdo (T, 2k) Crowley is woken by a librarian on a mission.

style, flair, and a head of red hair – she’s the nanny?! by lineslines (G, 5k) She takes a step into the light, a vision of red and black, of scant fabric and edges, seizes him in her gaze, which he realizes is almost as fiery as her hair, and drags it up and down his form, once, before she grins. “Oh angel, let me guess, you probably think tartan is stylish?” “Tartan is stylish,” Aziraphale automatically protests, before his brain slowly catches up with his mouth. And his eyes. “Oh, how impolite of me! Please do come in. You must be drenched.” (Crowley just lost her job selling cosmetics to bored rich housewives. Aziraphale is a bored rich bastard in want of a nanny for the neighbor kid he has to babysit. It's a right place, right time situation. Right people, too.)

The Art of Human Nature by IneffableDoll (T, 6k) Crowley is a painter who has only ever had an eye for nature. That is, until a client named Aziraphale commissions her for a painting to boost her self-confidence, and Crowley discovers that her client is as beautiful as the Earth itself. Then she goes and catches feelings, because she’s a disaster. The Colour of Hope and Sin by TawnyOwl95 (E, 7k) Crowley has never felt so pretty. Tonight he can do anything. Having Aziraphale Eastgate, the best defender that St. Beryl's School football team had ever seen, cross Crowley's path again is a chance to test that theory. And maybe they can both work out some latent teenage angst at the same time? A Stable Relationship by MirjamOmens (E, 9k) Crowley used to be one of the best eventing riders of the UK. After one unfortunate fall that crushed his leg, he ends his career and starts coaching other promising athletes. Aziraphale is a riding instructor, handling the school ponies and teaching the beginners. For the past six months they have found themselves in a sort of arrangement. It’s just friendship… and sex, whenever their schedules happen to align. It's nothing more than that, right?

Every Part of Me by foolishlovers (T, 10k) Heartthrob rockstar Antonia Harmonia, better known as Anthony J. Crowley offstage, has safeguarded his singing career from his best friend and long-term crush, Aziraphale, for nearly two decades. But when Aziraphale stumbles upon Crowley’s secret at one of his concerts, Crowley is suddenly confronted with unexpected consequences. Could the best of both worlds be within his reach? A Hannah Montana AU. I'm Beginning to See the Light by ineffabildaddy (E, 15k) There was Crowley - the paragon of cool, the overlord of apathy, breezing easily through each and every one of their exchanges and giving no fucks while doing so; then there was the anachronistic, cloying Aziraphale, trying and failing not to live life like a Thomas Hardy protagonist, and giving many fucks indeed. Or: Aziraphale has quite the pash on his colleague Crowley, who seems resolutely disinterested in him. As their annual Christmas party progresses, it appears that Crowley may not be as disinterested as Aziraphale first thought.

Fifteen Years of Heartache by mondlichtmaus (T, 20k) Crowley was roused from his nap by the sound of somebody opening the door. He didn't move. Maybe they would go away. "Excuse me?" someone called. They weren't going away. Crowley rose, lifting his head to squint at the intruder. A broad figure, silhouetted by the light of the hallway. He couldn't make out his face, eyes still bleary from sleep. Just a halo of light framing his head. "What?" Crowley grumbled. There was a moment of silence, then the intruder spoke again. "Anthony?" They're teachers. They're in love. They're oblivious.

Just Up the Stairs by foolishlovers, ineffabildaddy, omens_for_ophelia (E, 39k) On Valentine's Day, amidst the chaos of handling work and university deadlines as a mature student, Crowley seeks solace with his neighbour Aziraphale. As they share a meal, their long-standing friendship begins to unravel, revealing hidden feelings they've harboured for six months. It's a night that could change everything. Black and White Sunshine by Azira_Amane (E, 58k) "The cotton capital. The Second Summer of Love, the Haçienda. Irwell, Medlock, Irk and Mersey. Elizabeth Gaskell wrote her novels in a lovely little house. Oh. There’s so much to know…" Aziraphale East is, by his own account, a bit of an odd duck - and he's okay with that. He's always been happy in his own skin, in having been a confirmed bachelor his whole life. Everything changes on a work trip from London to Manchester, where he meets the vivacious and stunningly attractive Anthony Crowley. Like the splitting of the atom, Aziraphale is divided - and begins to wonder if it's not too late for love after all. Age, as they say, is but a number.

Tales of Turning Pages by foolishlovers (E, 73k) Every Tuesday, aspiring romance novelist Anthony J. Crowley pays a visit to his local library and the charming angel working there. Every Tuesday, Aziraphale Fell finds himself more and more intrigued by the curious stranger who turns his orderly life as a small-town librarian upside down.

[you can find more fic rec masterposts here]

#hope you'll enjoy these #nothing makes me happier 💜#(shamelessly included my own fics but.. i think that's fair? 😳)#good omens #good omens fics #good omens fanfic #good omens human au #trans crowley #trans aziraphale #genderfluid crowley #agender aziraphale #good omens fic rec #aziracrow #aziracrow fic #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable partners #foolish recs #go fic masterpost

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sitp-recs · 4 months

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My AO3 Wrapped: 16 Drarry Recs

This year I’ve embraced a change of pace and read way less than I intended to. This made me feel a bit disconnected from fandom but also allowed me to put this list together in record time so let’s not complain too much 😂 this is shorter and lacking my usual commentary but I didn’t want to break the tradition of sharing my fave reads of the year! Be it for their creativity or peak romance, these 16 amazing fics made my heart beat faster and got me even more in love with Drarry. I’ve read most of them in the first half of the year and it was interesting to see so many fics over 40k, as my usual sweet spot is 10k - 20k. I love the mix of tropes featured here and am very excited to rec authors I’m reading for the first time. ps: I haven’t included any Erised fics since the fest is still ongoing.

Thank you dear creators for sharing so many brilliant works with us this year! 2023 wasn’t my best year fandom-wise, but life has been so generous in other areas that I can’t help but feel humbled today. I wish everyone a lovely start to the new year! As always, please mind the tags and take some time to shower these authors with the appreciation they deserve. Oh, and stay tuned for a rare pair list sometime soon ;)

🍆 Snug by @moonflower-rose (E, 6k)

8th year | touch-starved Harry | soft cock kink

Potter can't keep his hands off himself. Draco can't look away.

🧩 Muscle Memory by @corvuscrowned (E, 8k)

curse breaking | partners to lovers | memory magic

There's something just beneath the surface, just at the periphery of Harry's mind. They've been here before — they've done this before. If only he could remember it.

👹 draco malfoy's substitute murder service by @oknowkiss (E, 10k)

odd jobs | D/s undertones | open ending

When Harry joins the Curse Breakers shortly after his twenty-fifth birthday, he’s surprised to find himself assigned to the Department of Creatures, Cryptids, and Associated Calamities.

🏰 the earth from a distance by spqr (E, 15k)

time travel | Wizarding history | only one bed

“Well,” Harry said gamely, once they’d managed to find the Leaky Cauldron – still under construction but mercifully open for business – and he’d turned up a few knuts from his pockets, enough to get them a room for the night, “it could be worse.”

🎚️ O Come, All Ye Faithful by toomuchplor (E, 20k)

vicar Draco | established relationship | Church of England

Aunt Petunia died, that was what began everything. Or rather, Aunt Petunia was dying. In the act of dying. In which Draco finds faith in the church, and Harry finds faith in Draco.

🎄 Waking Up Slow by @sweet-s0rr0w and @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 22k)

shop owner Draco | summer romance | light angst

'Twas the night before Christmas, although it’s July / Draco’s a shopkeeper, no-one knows why / There’s hiking and witch caves, freak snowfalls and more / Bad Christmas jumpers, nosy neighbours galore / Narcissa’s here too, but… something’s amiss / And what’s in those chocolates that’s making them kiss?

🚬 Sun Thief by @floydig and BlackRose532 (E, 28k)

slice of life | fast sexual burn | dark humour

It’s 2005, and Draco Malfoy says, “Fuck the Ministry,” Harry works as a handyman in muggle London, and Draco should really stop pissing off the Squib gangs.

🍷 Winner Takes It All by @skeptiquewrites (E, 41k)

break up make up | down & out Draco | hurt/comfort

As with all his friends’ wagers, it starts small. Fifty Galleons for one kiss from Harry Potter is easily done.

🏖️ LA, Who Am I To Love You? by @epitomereally (E, 42k)

Draco in the Muggle World | pining Harry | recreational drug use

Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.

🫃Shine On, You Crazy Diamond by @lagerloutfic (E, 42k)

fwb to lovers | gay awakening (Harry) | mpreg (Draco)

Harry has probably always wanted Draco, it just took him a few years to figure that out. A story about the joy of discovering exactly who you are and how easy it can be once you do.

🚣‍♀️ Our Objective Remains Unchanged by @citrusses (E, 46k)

rowing AU | enemies to lovers | university setting

Harry Potter, returning member of the Oxford University Boat Club, has two goals for the spring of 2005: beat Cambridge, and beat Draco Malfoy. Perhaps not in that order.

🧶 Polar Night/Midnight Sun by toomuchplor (E, 54k)

cabin fic | wintery vibes | only one bed

Harry travels to arctic Norway on the trail of dragon egg poachers, only to find he's been assigned to work alongside the only NorMagPol Auror north of sixty: one Draco Malfoy.

🎩 Nights With You by @the-sinking-ship (E, 58k)

holiday fic | fake relationship | mutual pining

Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed.

👮🏻‍♂️Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (E, 75k)

auror partners | slow burn | humour

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

🖼️ where all the veins meet by @saxamophone (E, 146k)

sad bois | Grimmauld Place | found family | 8th year

It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?

📼 Always Already by @aibidil (E, 170k)

time travel | forced proximity | mutual pining

Harry and Draco are perfectly fine, separately minding their business in 2004, when the Unspeakables conscript them into service... in the First War against Voldemort.

#ao3 wrapped 2023 #drarry #Sitp faves

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avocadoguru · 1 year

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He was staring at her in a way no one had in her entire life. She couldn’t read anything in his eyes - not surprise, not fear, not malicious intent - nothing. (wolfrry, werewolf!harry, alpha!harry, ranger!y/n)

Lupus Noctis- Masterlist, Author’s Note & Warnings

Chapter 5 / alternatively, read on wattpad

Chapter 6 (word count: 20k)

Y/N was going feral, she was quite sure of it. She even checked to see if she had a fever. Two whole days had gone by since the lake and the kiss and she hadn’t heard a word from Harry since. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. He was probably trying to figure shit out just the way she was because Y/N wasn’t second-guessing their mutual attraction. Not in the slightest.

What had happened between them was real, still palpable in her mind’s eye. She could almost still feel his lips on hers, his tongue sliding against hers in perfect sync, she could still feel his warm hands on her body, his strong arms holding her eye level to him, his hardened cock pressed against the underside of her thigh. Could still hear the low growls that came from him, like he was some kind of animal ready to take what he wanted. All she had to do was close her eyes and there it was again.

She loved how he handled her and looked at her and spoke to her.

And you’d let me, wouldn’t you?

She’d been thinking about it nonstop, or in any case- an inappropriate amount. She couldn’t stop imagining scenarios with Harry. Taking it further than they did that day at the lake. How he could so easily just lift her up and manhandle her if he wanted. Maybe he’d place her on the ground and use his big mouth to lick all over her body and down between her legs. She felt like he’d be a man who’d enjoy eating a woman out. Using his tongue.

She couldn’t even focus on work, couldn’t pay attention to anything, because every time she had a spare second her mind wandered off to that evening.

While she was at work, she was constantly holding her breath for when he’d inevitably show up. And when she was at home she half expected him to knock on her door again.

But he never did.

Y/N wasn’t all that worried about that aspect, though. She could feel it in her bones that she’d be seeing more of him very soon. Not that there was anything left to see. God, just picturing the way his cock wouldn’t even fit into those skinny jeans of his was making her clench around nothing. And well, it wasn’t exactly nothing- but her vibrator was no match for what Harry had been endowed with. Nevertheless, she’d abused it ever since he’d dropped her off at her apartment, all riled up and needy. Harry had even asked her if it’d be ok if he watched her get inside the building from his car- he didn’t trust himself to walk her to the door. And she wanted to ask him why he was resisting it- because in the moment, lord knows she didn’t want him to hold back.

But looking back, she was glad for it. She didn’t want Harry to be just a hookup. Had they had sex that night, that’s what it would’ve felt like. And she felt like they deserved more than that. And judging by his actions, Harry did too.

Y/N had nothing against casual sex. With how her past relationships had gone, she even preferred that to the seemingly inevitable heartache and disappointment. But she’d never felt that kind of connection with anyone else before, the way she did with Harry. It went beyond just the physical, at least for her it did.

Unless there really was some other reason for which Harry was holding back. He’d ran off that first night when they were just about to kiss, and this time he’d taken her back home before things could escalate at the lake- and maybe it was just because she was cold (and for some weird reason he was absolutely fine with the drop in temperature), but then he’d have found a way to get her to invite him inside. But he wouldn’t even walk her to the door- not even with her bad ankle- which really told her that he was serious about not trusting himself anywhere near her apartment.

She hoped his reason was the same as hers- she wanted more than sex, and they should probably try and get to know each other a bit better before they jumped into bed. But what if it wasn’t, and something else was holding him back? It would explain his absence for the past two days… But then again, Y/N couldn’t exactly explain it, she just knew. She knew this wasn’t the end of her and the mystery man.

She was growing a bit frustrated though. There was only so much her flimsy vibrator could do. Y/N… ached for him. She was desperate to feel full of him. She knew he’d stretch her out better than any other man she’d ever been with, because… well, it was quite obvious why. Part of her was a bit worried she couldn’t take him. She was more than willing to try, though. She was even more than willing to go down on him and try to fit him all in her mouth. A little challenge of sorts. Only there wasn’t anything little about it.

Y/N threw the covers off of her sweaty body with a huff. If only he could hear her, his ego would inflate more than it already was. If only he knew how needy she was for him already, and he’d barely even done anything. Yet here she was, alone in her bed, trying and failing to fall asleep for the better part of an hour and although she’d made herself come once for the evening, she found herself reaching for her toy again.

She just seemingly couldn’t scratch the ache he left. Just imagining the way he’d placed his large hand around her throat made her thrust the toy inside of her deeper and faster, she wasn’t trying to drag it out. She was tired. And all she wanted was to be absolutely railed by him. Was that too much to ask? She whimpered, bringing her other hand to her clit and adding pressure from the outside as well. She was ready to fall over the edge when a piercing sound made her jump, groaning in frustration when she realized it was her phone.

She turned the vibrator off and fumbled with the phone, almost dropping it when she saw the caller ID. Her heart was already beating fast due to her impending orgasm but now it threatened to break out of her ribcage. A glance over to the upper right corner of the screen read 1:03 am and then she answered when she realized she was taking too long “...Yes?”

“You’re awake.”

Y/N exhaled, trying to steady her heartbeat and breathing “Well, yeah. You can’t pick up calls in your sleep last time I checked.”

“You weren’t asleep though, were you?��

Y/N paused, “No, I wasn’t.”

“Had I not known about your ankle I would even assume you were… running. You’re quite out of breath.”

Y/N didn’t miss the hint of amusement in his voice. Oh, he was onto her. “I hurried to get to my phone, I’d left it in the other room. I thought it must’ve been some kind of emergency. Why are you calling at 1am, Harry?” It was her turn to tease him.

“Liar. Probably for the same reason why you weren’t asleep.”

“And what reason might that be?”

“...I can’t stop thinking about it either.”

Damn. Ok, touché. She couldn't even try and pretend otherwise.

When she didn’t, having taken her aback, Harry continued, “And I know just why you’re so out of breath. I’ve heard your laboured breathing when you’re aroused and that’s exactly what it sounds like. If I close my eyes I can see your mouth parted just right, your eyes hooded and glazed over– I can see it all. It’s mine forever, the memory of you fucked out of your mind like that for me… What have you done to me?”

Y/N was at a loss for words. All she could muster was a pathetic whimper and in response, she heard his shuddered breath over the phone and without even contemplating it, she grabbed her vibrator and without turning it back on, she began sliding it in and out of her drenched pussy again.

“I can hear that, Y/N. Can hear how wet you are for me from over here… Fuck.”

She gasped but increased her movements, she had already been close, but now that she could hear him, and hearing what he had to say to her- it was all too much.

“Harry…” she whispered, just as she was about to come and then she heard him growl, almost as if he was in physical pain- that’s what sent her over the edge. She cried out into the phone as she spasmed and thrashed on her bed and she realized he was right there with her only after she’d regained her consciousness somewhat and could hear his pants of exertion.

Hearing his name on her lips as she was coming must’ve been the most beautiful sound Harry could think of. He knew he’d be repeating it in his mind over and over again, now. He was surprised he could even orgasm anymore after all the self-abuse he’d been indulging in because of her, but somehow she’d managed to coax the strongest one yet out of him, and he just didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d called in an effort to calm himself down- he was missing her so much that he felt he was going out of his mind. He needed something, anything- and now that the scent from her panties had completely worn off he was like a junkie desperate for his fix. He’d tried to keep his distance and gain some clarity over the situation- knowing the implications of what he was getting himself in with her he couldn’t just throw himself headfirst into this in good conscience, no matter how much he wanted to. After that kiss, he knew his fate was sealed, but she- she had no idea. She had no way of knowing, and he needed to be strong for the both of them and assess this from every angle.

But every angle was just blurred by the intensity of his feelings for her. He just couldn’t think straight. He knew it was imprudent, and he knew he was risking it all, and he knew it was unfair to her- but damnit he couldn’t resist this. It was bigger than him. He was powerless to stop this now that it’d begun. And it all culminated with him grabbing the phone and calling her in the middle of the night, just to find her rutting in her bed like a needy kitten for him. And just like that- his mind had been made up.

What felt like minutes must’ve gone by where they just listened to each other breathing, trying to come down from their respective highs and finally he broke the silence, “I need to see you.”

“What– now?!”

Harry huffed in amusement, “Don’t put ideas inside my head. I was gonna show up at your doorstep and decided to call instead, and now I’m regretting it knowing what you were up to. Soon. Tomorrow. After work. Come with me?”

“Okay… where?”

“Out.”

“Out? Like… on a date?”

Harry smiled to himself at the prospect. He’d never done that, but if his little human wanted a date that’s what he’d give her. He’d play it by the book, even if it wasn’t the way his kind went about things, he was determined to leave all that aside for her sake.

He was willing to leave everything behind. And the thought sent chills down Harry’s spine because he knew he was done for.

His kind were loyal creatures. They believed in mating for life, that’s how they went about it, it was how they were built, it was encoded in the animalistic side of their DNA. Sure, Harry had had his fun, but never with any alpha females, and it was agreed on both parts it would be just sex, knowing full well nothing more could come of it. There was no bond, no connection, no hint of anything more there.

But with Y/N, he’d felt something so overwhelmingly different since the first time he’d laid his eyes on her. He recognized what this was, although it didn’t make sense- after all, she was human. She couldn’t be his mate.

But every bone in his body screamed otherwise. She was his. Their connection was undeniable. Even apart they were losing their minds over each other. What had happened just moments prior over the phone was testament to that. They were so in tune it was impossible that she wasn’t made for him, and him alone. And his instincts told him to do everything to pursue this because it was meant to be.

“It’s a date.”

“Is this a bad time?”

“Depends on why you’re calling.”

“Had I wanted to snap your neck for the way you gave my number away I would’ve by now, don’t you think?”

Niall sighed dramatically “Thank you, oh merciful alpha, for sparing me. You’re welcome by the way.”

‘“Welcome?!”

“Yeah, I probably aided your trajectory right into her–”

“Okay. Let’s set one thing straight. You’re to stop talking about her like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like she’s… a piece of meat.”

“I mean, I don’t see her that way at all but I’m betting it’s kinda how you’re seeing her judging by how you were sizing her up the whole time the two of you were in my office, It’s almost cartoonish the way your pupils dilate around her.”

“Well, it’s not. Not at all.”

“Oh,... I see. Are you sure about this?”

“Hundred percent.”

“I mean, not to say I don’t think you thought this through, but…”

Harry cleared his throat, “Then don’t. Besides, I didn’t call to discuss this with you, it’s not up for debate. However… since you have a lot more experience with humans… romantically,...”

“Ain’t nothing romantic about it, I’m afraid.” Niall laughed.

“–Regardless. I was wondering if you could maybe spare some… tips.”

“Tips?’”

“Yeah. Advice.”

Niall furrowed his brows in amused confusion, “What exactly are you asking me, Harry Edward?”

“Well, for instance, how does this whole… dating business go about?”

Niall bit his lower lip, suppressing his amusement over this whole thing while spinning in his directorial chair at his desk in his office. Luckily for Harry, he was on his lunch break, but he was more than willing to skip eating altogether just to hear his friend ask him these uncomfortable questions. He loved to hear him struggle. “Oh. What do you wanna know?”

“Well, anything. Everything, I guess. You know well enough how differently we go about these things. I genuinely don’t have a clue what she’s expecting of me tonight and I don’t wanna give her the impression that I’ve never done this before.”

“I see.” Niall was pinching the bridge of his nose trying to keep it together. He felt for his friend, he really did, but it wasn’t every day that he got to hear him like this. Harry was so… well, alpha, that he’d never heard him sound unsure about anything in his entire life before. He was enjoying this, quite a lot. “So you already asked her out.”

“Yes.”

“Where to?”

“Out.”

“Yeah- but out where?”

“... On a date?” Harry snarled in exasperation.

Niall pinched his thigh “Listen, mate. Want my help or not?”

“Well then help me. Stop asking silly questions!”

“It wasn’t silly. You gotta have a plan- you can’t just pick her up and go out. Out has to be somewhere specific. A cup of coffee, a walk, dinner, movies, a concert. Something.”

“Okay, I see. Alright.”

“So where are you taking her then?”

“Which do you suggest?”

“So the date is this evening. Like, in literal hours, and you haven’t got a plan yet?”

Harry inhaled deeply, trying to keep his cool. Niall was being infuriating, “No, mate. That is why I called, must I remind you? So that you could tell me what to do!”

“Bloody hell. Alright, okay. Let me ask Mitzy to make some calls to my usual spots and I’ll get back to you in a bit.”

Harry hung up and couldn’t help but worry a bit. The way Niall was putting it, he wasn’t at all ready for dating. The last thing he wanted was for Y/N to catch onto the fact that something was amiss, and he certainly didn’t want to appear inexperienced in any way in her eyes. He needed to ace this. Because this is what he did. He was good at everything he attempted. He wasn’t alpha for nothing.

Unlocking his phone again, he googled how to date. He couldn’t solely rely on Niall’s expertise on this, especially when the reason he was dating was just to have sex. His reason was far more complex and therefore he couldn’t treat it as superficially as Niall no doubt did.

He read through the search results. Put Yourself Out There. Keep an Open Mind. Stay Safe. Set Your Own Pace. Remember: Forming Connections Takes Time. Maintain a Positive Attitude.

Harry couldn’t help but grimace in disdain as he read through the 6 Essential Rules For Dating, only to then read the site to which it lead: brides.com

Scrolling further down with a frown, he stumbled across another set of rules: Be not afraid. · Be authentic. · Be outgoing. · Be responsive. · Be realistic, not desperate. · Be chill.

Niall’s call interrupted and Harry sighed in relief picking up, “What the fuck is wrong with humans?”

“I beg your pardon?” Niall laughed.

“I just Googled dating advice and all I got is a bunch of meaningless crap. Why are they so…“

“...So?”

The word he was going for was moronic, but he just couldn’t place his love interest in the same boat. No, since he’d met her he had new-found respect for this sub-evolved species, and he wanted to treat them fairly. “Nevermind… what have you got for me?”

“So it was too late to land any decent dinner reservations, but instead there is one last-minute option that I actually think would strike your fancy just as much.”

“Oh?”

“Still got that convertible?”

“The Ferrari Dino?”

“Damn, when’d you get that one? But no, I meant the Mercedes.”

“The 230sl? Of course. Would never dream of parting with her. She’s in the garage downtown.”

“Ok, dating tip number one: don’t refer to your cars as though they aren’t inanimate objects. Especially if someone could mistake you speaking about your girlfriend when in reality you’re referring to your car.”

“Priceless advice, Dr. Phill.”

Niall laughed, “Actually yeah, maybe search for some re-runs on youtube, I’m sure you’d love what he’s got to say. Anyway- chicks do love a fancy retro car, especially convertibles, so you’re already winning. Then, you take her to the drive-in for a movie. She’s guaranteed to jump on your lap.” Harry growled deep in his chest and Niall was quick to add “And yeah- you know- the works. Buy her some snacks, maybe get her a cocktail if she’s into that, if not make sure to get her a big ol’ milkshake- just go all out. Chicks love to see you’re not looking at money when it comes to spoiling them.”

Harry furrowed his brows. All this sounded pretty obvious to him. Of course, he’d want to treat her to a nice time in his nice car, impress her with his good taste in vintage automobiles, and then he’d want to treat her to a nice meal and have her well-satiated. Obviously, money would never be an issue when it came to her, he wasn’t exactly sure what Niall was thinking telling him all this. It was pretty self-explanatory.

“Ok. Then after the movie is over?”

“Well judging by how you growled at me just then I’m guessing you don’t want me giving you any pointers there.”

“Oh? Is it customary to have sex after a date, then?”

Niall sighed, rubbing his face, “Well. It depends on how serious you want to get with her. If you’re just looking for something casual, then yeah, you could shoot your shot. But if you want more, then I’d advise you refrained from anything too intimate just yet. You can test the waters, see where she’s at.”

“How do I gauge where she’s at?”

“At the end of the date, when you take her back to her place, go in for the kiss. If she doesn’t kiss you back then,... yeah, that’s not gonna happen, judging by that whole sexual tension between the two of you. So she’ll kiss you back for sure. Then you’re left with two options. She’ll either wish you good night or invite you in. If she invites you in, that’s a really good sign that she’s looking to move things along. If she hints at more, don’t hold back. Maybe she’s the one who wants it to be just casual, you know? But if you’re playing the long game then I’m afraid it’s customary to wait until the 3rd date at the earliest for sex. You can fool around a bit though- again, test to see her reactions and how far she’s willing to take things.”

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat listening to his friend. He knew good and well that if he went inside with her, things would no doubt escalate, as they had every single time they’d been confined together. It was therefore up to him to set the pace for this. And judging by what Niall was telling him, he needed to prove to her that he was in it for the long run, and the only way he could do that, was, ironically by holding back from bedding her. This was totally backwards if you asked him, and absolutely opposite of how he’d go about it with one of his own kind.

But Y/N was used to this human courtship. And he had to adhere to their rules to win her over. He knew that, if he wanted to, he’d no doubt have her in his arms, more than willing by the end of the night, but he didn’t want her to think that’s all he was after. Because it wasn’t. He wanted all of her. And the only way to obtain that was by following these… rules.

Since Harry had been rather ambiguous about when their date was gonna start, she’d brought a change of clothes into work the next day. She figured she could leave her uniform there and change into it the following morning. Nick was on duty today so she knew she’d be on the receiving end of some serious side eye if Harry did show up to pick her up from work, and if he wouldn’t be there, then she’d know to drive back home, and wait for him to pick her up there. After all, he seemingly knew when she went off duty by the way he’d waited for her to pick her up and take her to the lake that evening.

Hours went by excruciatingly slowly. It seemed like ages had gone by until her workday was finally over. She didn’t even know what or how well she’d completed of the tasks she’d done throughout the day, her mind had been entirely occupied with all sorts of scenarios of how their date was going to play out.

She went into the rather small bathroom in the station and brushed out her dutch braids, her hair cascading in nice waves down her back as a result. She retouched her makeup and added more blush than she usually would, and even went for a winged eyeliner, giving her eyes a feline aspect she liked to sport from time to time. She accentuated the shape of her lips with a lip pencil, topped it off with lip stain since it was more durable (she was planning on reacquainting their lips a lot during the evening), and then finally went into one of the stalls and changed into the sundress she’d packed. The material was such that it didn’t wrinkle thus saving her a lot of trouble, but it was sufficiently low cut so that it was fit for a night out, and it only went up to her mid-thigh. She kept her white sneakers on, for a more casual look as well as making sure she didn’t overly exert her ankle still. She spritzed some perfume onto her pulse points and checked herself into the too-small mirror, hoping the fit would go with whatever Harry had in store for them for the evening. He hadn’t given her any heads up as to what she should wear, so she hoped this would be fine. She took her uniform into the spare room in the station where the bed was set, and neatly placed it on the back of a chair in lieu of a hanger.

Just as she was emerging from said room, Lindsy whistled lowly taking her in, “Well, well, well. Should I be looking for the G-wagon outside then?”

“What G-wagon?” Nick popped his head from inside the main office, “Oh… wow. You look nice, Y/N. Special occasion?”

“Her boyfriend’s.” Lindsy wiggled her eyebrows at Nick.

“He’s–” Y/N caught herself just before she could correct Lindsy. Actually- she still wanted Nick to think she and Harry were involved, so why not just solidify that idea, just in case he did show up to pick her up from the station.

“He’s so fucking hot.” Lindsy groaned. “And loaded, apparently.”

Y/N normally would’ve elbowed Lindsy for her indiscretion but seeing the way Nick was looking confused, no doubt wondering if this boyfriend was none other than the man who’d threatened him at the bar that night, had her amused, she couldn’t lie.

Just then, the sound of a car driving onto the small graveled parking lot made Lindsy go straight for the window again. “Oh, my fucking god. Loaded is quite the understatement for Mr. Boyfriend, I’m afraid.”

Nick walked over to the window before Y/N could, curiosity getting the best of him. Lindsy saw the expression on his face and couldn’t help but laugh out loud, “I’d be jealous too, man. Look at that beauty. Mm-hmm.”

Y/N finally managed to peer outside from between the two of them. It was Harry, alright, in a… white convertible?

“How did he even drive it all the way up here… that must be hell for his suspension,” Nick muttered to himself and Y/N didn’t wanna waste another moment. She’d been dying to see him and the sooner she could get into his car, the sooner they could drive off and she could properly take him all in. And kiss him. Definitely kiss him. A lot.

She grabbed her purse and walked outside and Harry had just stepped out of his car when he turned and took the sight of her in.

For a good moment, all the plans he’d made for the night went out the window. He wanted nothing more but to pick up from where they’d left off at the lake that night. She looked phenomenal. He’d never seen her like this. She was more than beautiful in his eyes, but she’d obviously put in effort to look pretty for their date and the result had him weak in the knees.

He was used to seeing her in her uniform. Aside from that quick trip to Niall’s office that weekend, when he’d woken her up and she’d barely had time to brush her teeth and change out of her pajamas, he’d not really seen her outside those bulky, tame clothes.

Well, that was a lie. He did see her with nothing on, after all.

But this was different. And his mind inadvertently went to that top drawer in her bedroom where he’d accidentally discovered her extensive and quite racy lingerie collection. He wondered if she was wearing any of those sets underneath that flimsy dress she had on. A pretty dress that hugged her curves just right- Harry could cry as his eyes unashamedly scanned her head to toe as she approached him.

Everything went quiet around him when he zeroed in on her pouty lips just inches away from his own. He needed to taste them, quite urgently, but he knew he had to refrain until the end of the date to prove his intentions were serious. He wanted to play this by the book but she made it near impossible. His eyes unglued themselves from her pretty mouth and took in her rosy cheeks, her sultry eyes, then her luscious hair. She was… more than he’d ever dreamed of. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky. Suddenly, all the pressure he felt regarding the challenges he was going to have to face pursuing her felt insignificant. She was worth it, she was so worth it.

Y/N was well aware of how Harry was drinking her in. She loved his reaction and was exactly what she’d been hoping for. But she was busy ogling him as well. He was wearing a sheer blouse and was smelling absolutely divine. She stepped inside his car as he held the door for her and soon her hair was fluttering all around her as they drove off, away from the preserve and into the city.

Y/N busied herself shuffling radio stations. It became apparent to her that they hadn’t spoken a word to each other, but they kept stealing glances of one another. Neither would look away when they caught the other looking.

“Nice car.” Y/N finally broke the comfortable silence when they sat at the first stop sign.

“Thank you.”

“So you have a thing for cars?”

“I do, actually. It’s a passion of mine.”

“An expensive passion, one might argue.”

Aha, so Niall had been right in assuming she’d be impressed by his collection. Of course, she’d barely even scratched the surface, he had a lot more in his garage downtown. The G-wagon was the one he drove the most since it was the only one that could get him into their village. But when he was handling business he switched it for one of the many others.

“I’m not in the habit of denying myself the pleasures life has to offer,” he shrugged.

Y/N could feel herself heat up at that statement. She certainly hoped he didn’t.

Harry was trying to pace himself, knowing he had a long evening ahead of him. But the way she was fidgeting in her seat, rubbing her thighs together, he wanted nothing more than to stick his hand between them and if anything, just hold her steady. She was distracting him from his plan.

“You’re walking a lot better already.” he pointed out, trying to steer the conversation in a different way.

“Yeah. I feel so much better. It hardly even hurts anymore, but I try and remind myself to take it easy still. Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“Oh? Is it a surprise, then?”

“Do you like surprises?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Well, I guess it depends on if it’s a good surprise or not.”

Harry furrowed his brows smilingly “Fair enough. I think it’s a good surprise.”

“Then I’m sure I’ll like it.”

Harry took a mental note of that. He couldn’t say the same for himself though. Every time life had taken him by surprise it had been unpleasant. He liked to feel in control, liked knowing what to expect when to expect it, so he didn’t imagine he’d enjoy any kind of surprises, not even the good ones.

Pulling into the drive-in he heard Y/N’s small gasp. “Oh, wow! I never would’ve expected this!”

“It’s a nice night, figured we could take advantage.”

Y/N smiled to herself. She hoped he’d take advantage. Maybe this meant he’d want to fool around with her a bit. She was already on edge and he hadn’t even so much as kissed her cheek.

After parking in a decent spot, they got out of Harry’s car and walked to the concession stand, which to Harry’s dismay did not have the kind of menu he’d hoped for.

“This is all junk food,” he pointed out.

Y/N laughed, “Of course it is. What did you think you’d get at a drive-in?”

Harry honestly didn’t know. He didn’t imagine the selection of food would be so poor.

They settled on a soda pop, a big strawberry milkshake, a hotdog with all the toppings for Harry, cheesy tater tots for Y/N, and a box of chocolate-covered peanuts which they then brought back to Harry’s car.

Harry took a big bite of his hot dog and stopped chewing the moment he tasted the mixture of toppings that Y/N had told him he needed to get. It was awful. A soggy bun with a salty tube of meat melding with a sweet and tangy pickled gelatinous concoction, a fake runny cheese substance, raw onions, and mustard. This was… not good.

He looked over at Y/N as he forced himself to gulp down the horrid thing as she was happily popping her cheesy tater tots into her mouth. He noted it was the same cheese on his hot dog.

Unwrapping the foul thing he wiped off the toppings into the paper and used one of the napkins to hold the hotdog and tried again. It was better. Still not good. A grilled ribeye steak sounded much better to him at that moment. Even a bowl of macaroni and cheese (made with real cheese) would have been better.

“You don’t like it?”

Harry turned his head toward the girl as she eyeballed what he had left of his hotdog, “No. All those toppings were making it worse. What kind of tricks are you trying to play on me?” Harry laughed.

“I’m not! That’s what I’d put on my hotdog if I were going to get one. Do you want my tater tots? We can trade?”

Harry shook his head, “No. It’s got that abysmal excuse for cheese sauce on it. Probably all soaked into the potato.”

Y/N scoffed,” Abysmal? This is nacho cheese sauce, you uncultured man! You cannot talk shit about nacho cheese sauce. It’s classic concession-stand food!”

Harry laughed and shook his head, “It’s awful.”

Y/N held up a tater tot to Harry, “Here, this one is untouched by the cheese sauce. You can have it.”

Harry tilted his head and smiled before opening his mouth up to let her put it into his mouth.

Pushing the tater tot past his lips, Y/N enjoyed how his tongue jutted out and the pad of her finger came into contact with the wet muscle for a moment.

“Good?”

“Better,” he smirked.

Harry tuned the station on his radio to the drive-in channel and kept the volume low.

He flagged down the hostess who was making her rounds after he finished off his sad excuse for a meal. He decided to order a bucket of buttered popcorn, as he was still hungry. And when he saw that there were cocktails on the menu he figured he’d order one for Y/N.

It wasn’t often that she got to look at him without him casting his undivided attention on her. She wasn’t sure what he’d asked her while he placed their drink order, lost in thought while admiring his side profile talking to the hostess. He was quite the specimen, Harry. Yes, he was. And the way he carried himself talking to other people was a sight to behold as well. He was so assertive and self-assured, she couldn’t even dream of exerting that kind of self-confidence. So, truly, she hadn't been worried about where he was going to take her on their date or what they were going to do, or even what cocktail he was ordering her. It was just something about him that made her want to surrender and let him take over, and this was quite new to Y/N. She was a very independent woman, and she was no pushover by any means. She always stood her ground, always went for what she wanted, never let anything stand in her way, and most of all, never let a man control her in any way. She was quite the rebellious kid, even her own father could never really discipline her the way he’d wanted to. She was more stubborn than even her own brother, and she’d been quite the tomboy growing up. It was why she went to military school and pursued this career. She was not a girly girl by any means.

But there was just something about Harry that brought out her feminine side a lot. She didn’t have to step into her own masculine that much now that a true male was by her side. He was there, and she felt safe. Taken care of.

She felt conflicted over these feelings. Her independent nature wasn’t used to letting her guard down. But his presence comforted her and made her want to explore this side she’d repressed since forever. All her previous boyfriends had told her she was too bossy, too stubborn, that she emasculated them. And now she was realizing that the right man would never feel that way around her.

The hostess left and he turned to look at her just as she was coming to the conclusion. The right man. Was that him? What about all the things she didn’t know about him still? What about the cabin, what about the expensive cars, the designer clothes? What was he hiding? That was the only thing that kept her from fully jumping into things with Harry. He was still quite the mystery to her. It felt wild that she could feel so safe in his presence, fully aware of how much he wasn’t telling her. How did he manage to do that? How was he disarming her in such a manner?

“So what movie are we watching?”

Harry paused, looking around for a bit, “I’m… not quite sure.”

Y/N laughed, “Are you serious?”

“The whole point of this, sweetheart, is to spend time in your presence. You wanted a date so I took you out on a date. I couldn’t care less what movie is showing, to tell you the truth.”

Y/N’s mouth fell slightly agape at that. He had a habit of rendering her speechless and again- contrary to how she’d normally react to that feeling, loved it.

“Is that alright?” he pinched her chin between his thumb and his forefinger and dropped his gaze to her lips.

“Yes.” she managed, her eyes dropping to his lips as well. She wanted nothing more than to finally feel his mouth on hers again. She’d normally have taken the plunge by now, but Harry had a way about him that made her want to let him set the pace.

And for a moment she felt he’d go in for the kiss, but the lights went out and the movie began rolling on the big projector ahead. He removed himself and sat back in his seat and so did she.

It wasn’t long before the hostess returned with their order, and with the popcorn placed between them, they were silent for a bit as the movie started. The popcorn was better than the hotdog by far. Harry was taking big palmfuls and scooping it into his mouth. He was rather hungry. He hadn’t imagined the food would be so bad at the concession stand.

Y/N watched him munch the popcorn, his jaw working as he chewed. Everything he did was attractive. Even watching him chew food had her body warming up.

When he’d swallowed his mouthful he knew she’d been looking at him so he moved his head to look back at her, “How’s your drink?”

Y/N kept her head leaned on the seat’s headrest as she watched Harry. She had a bit of hair over her face so he reached over to move it away before she could answer, his knuckle brushing against her cheek.

“Thank you,” she smiled, “And it’s really good. If I had been paying attention this is exactly what I would have ordered myself.”

Harry liked how she responded just then. It was a simple touch and he was doing everything in his power not to slide his hand up her skirt and squeeze her thigh like he wanted. Well, he wanted far more than just that. She smelled delectable and the bottom hem of her dress was sitting at her mid-thigh. He could imagine laying her seat back and pulling her legs over the center console and diving right in. She’d like it too. He’d make sure of it.

Harry wanted to devour her. Drag her into his lap and feel her fragile body against his. Put his hands on any skin he could see, and move his palms underneath the fabric to places he couldn’t see.

But Harry was going to be a gentleman. He was going to do what Niall told him to. At least in part. It was killing him to see her bare thigh only inches from him and not do anything about it. And he had a hard time peeling his gaze from where her soft breasts were covered by the fabric of her dress. He could easily pull the material down and have her in full view. Suck on them. Nip at the smooth skin…

Y/N bit her lip when she noticed Harry kept looking over at her. She felt his gaze on her. She liked it, though. She wanted him to do something. To reach across and press his lips against hers. She could straddle his lap and wrap her arms around his shoulders and let him paw at her all he wanted.

Y/N had seemed to enjoy her cocktail, so when the hostess came to clear everything up he ordered her another one. He knew how little alcohol went into these things and he wasn’t worried in that regard. He wanted her to loosen up a bit though, something was on her mind and she wasn’t relaxing the way he’d have liked her to. He wanted her to enjoy their date- after all- it’s what humans liked, wasn’t it? Had the movie been a wrong choice? He hadn’t seen it before and wasn’t really paying attention, but from what he could tell it was a typical romantic comedy, pretty enjoyable by the way other people were laughing around them. Y/N giggled at a few scenes but he could tell she wasn’t really paying attention to it either.

By the time she finished her second cocktail and he removed the empty cup from her hands, he took note of her icy fingers. She then pressed her hands in between her thighs and curled in on herself a bit and that’s when he realized she must’ve been cold. Of course, she was- they were standing idle in an open field, it was well into the night and she was only wearing that flimsy dress.

“Cold?”

She glanced over at him “A bit. Sorry. I didn’t think to bring a jacket.”

Harry pondered for a moment “Let’s move to the backseat so we can sit closer and I can keep you warm, hm?”

Y/N nodded and followed him to the backseat, and he immediately opened up his arms for her, and pushed her flush to his side, rubbing his warm hand up and down her arm.

It was torture, this date. Harry felt like he could howl. Who had come up with this shit?! Why were they playing this silly game? They were no better than a pair of birds dancing around one another when both knew exactly how this was going to end. He was going to claim her as his, and she’d let him. They both wanted it. What was the use for this preamble? All it did was irritate him. He wanted to touch, sniff, lick, pound, and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to deny his instincts around her.

And the more he thought about it, the less sense it made. How did he let Niall convince him into doing this? They’d already had their first kiss. She’d already invited him inside. They’d already seen each other naked. This was ridiculous! This was taking a huge step back. It was probably confusing her just as much as it did him. It didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel right, keeping his distance like this.

He rested his hand on her hipbone and squeezed slightly, watching as she crossed her legs in response. Atop of what he could see, was what he could smell, of course. And he could feel her whole body tingling underneath his touch whenever he did something like that. She was just as riled up as he was.

Y/N swallowed thickly. She could feel her skin heat up and she knew she was starting to wet her panties. Nothing they were doing was that wild or sexy. But there was something about it being Harry. About how she knew he could do anything he wanted and yet he was only softly touching her. Keeping himself calm while Y/N was practically in a puddle and on the verge of telling him to take her back to her apartment so they could continue where they left off at the lake.

But Harry was anything but calm. He was already beginning to thicken under his zipper, which was quite uncomfortable. He scolded himself for getting hard from barely even touching but his body’s response to Y/N had never been normal. Maybe he should start wearing joggers around her. He laughed to himself.

“What?”

Harry looked down at the girl and he nearly lost it. Her lips were bitten and red, her pupils dilated, her chest rising and falling and her thighs pressed together. If this wasn’t the look of a female begging to be fucked…

“I just had a funny thought. Nothing really. Uh, feeling a little warmer now?”

Y/N nodded as she bit her lip again. She hadn’t even realized she’d been doing it but when she saw the way Harry’s eyes followed her mouth she released her bottom lip and then licked her lips, again, without conscious intention. Harry let out a small puff of breath and kept his eyes on her mouth as she spoke, “I feel a lot better. Thank you, Harry.”

That way she spoke his name felt erotic. To them both. She hadn’t intended on his name being spoken so breathily and Harry thought he would lose his mind imagining that that was how she’d say his name when he was pleasuring her. He’d gotten a glimpse the night before on the phone and couldn’t stop imagining the sound.

He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply. She was going to be the death of him.

Her one hand rested on his thigh, and she began scratching with her nails, ever so slightly, just like a kitten. She looked it, with those feline eyes tonight. He wanted to make her purr.

Y/N squirmed in her seat, angling herself slightly toward Harry when she felt his nose in her hair and his breath down her neck. She wanted more. She was feeling antsy and when she could feel his fingers dig into her hip again she decided it was time to move things along. Her patience was wearing thin.

She moved her head away and he mourned the loss of her scent right under his nose for a moment before she brought her lips to his ear “Can we skip the rest?”

Harry hated feeling unsure. Hated not being in control. He wanted to do right by her and show her he was serious, but he couldn’t deny his primal nature and the way he felt he should go about it in his bones. She was calling out to him, and she’d even cut their date short, asking him to take her home. That must’ve meant she wanted him, right?

But he had to make sure. He wasn’t well versed in these human rituals, and he couldn’t risk fucking it up. Not when it came to her.

“That was really nice, Harry. Thank you.” There it was again. The way she said his name was like an invitation for more. And that’s what it must have been. If Harry’s instincts were right about her then she was feeling the same intensity of emotions and lust as he was. If she was really his like he hoped, then they were both on the same page.

Getting out of the car, Harry walked her to her door, keeping as close as possible. He hadn’t liked being so far away from her when he was driving them back after the movie. He knew he needed to tone it down with how touchy he wanted to be with her. He wanted to have her in his lap the entire drive back. He felt like she was his already and his natural inclination was to have some part of himself in physical contact with her at all times. But until he knew for sure she was feeling what he was, he’d keep himself in line.

Y/N was feeling shaky in anticipation as they walked toward her apartment and as soon as they got to her door she felt his warm hand at the small of her back. She was losing her mind. She just wanted to jump his bones and run her hands through his hair. She wanted to tell him all about her past and ask him about his. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted a kiss. It was all she wanted all night. His warm mouth covering hers at the lake was still felt deep in her core and she couldn’t wait anymore. Not even one minute longer.

Harry was taken aback at first, that she’d been so bold, but he felt like he could breathe for the first time that evening when his lips finally came into contact with hers as she stood on her tiptoes and pulled him down so they could finally kiss. He pulled her into his body, his arms wrapping around her low back and they both sighed in relief. He cradled her delicate face into his big palms and kissed her gently at first- tentatively- making sure he was reading this right, but when she placed her smaller hands atop of his and deepened the kiss, he barely managed to pull away enough for her to unlock her door.

Harry stared down at her and part of him wondered if this is where the date would end. Niall warned him that sometimes a date would just end with a kiss. He sure hoped that wasn’t the case but he didn’t want to push his luck.

He was ready to beg her to let him in if she told him goodnight. He didn’t want to be pushy but he needed more. It had moved past just something he wanted. He needed it. It had his entire body aching and straining.

But he didn’t have to beg. She grasped his hand as she pushed her door open and pulled him in with her. Stepping inside she fumbled to turn on a lamp and turning back around, he pounced on her, pressing her into the inside of the door. She welcomed his urgency, relished in it, had waited for the tension to snap the whole night and finally it had. She couldn’t resist moaning wantonly into his mouth feeling his palms roam over her body. That’s what she’d craved the whole evening, his hands on her, and now she felt like she couldn’t fit inside her own skin.

When he began kissing down her neck, Harry growled at the feel of her delicate skin there, the way he could feel her pulse under his lips, the way he licked where he wanted to bite and leave his mark. Y/N scratched her nails gently against the scalp at the nape of his neck and it made him feral. He didn’t know how she instinctively knew what he wanted her to do, but she pushed all his buttons just right.

Her breathy moans and whimpers made him want nothing more than to pleasure her. He wanted to feel her shake in his arms, wanted to hear her whisper his name in his ear when he made her feel good, just the way she’d done the previous night over the phone.

“Sorry for cutting our date short… but I wanted to be alone with you. Is that so wrong?”

Harry pulled away, shaking his head and looking at her, placing his hand where his lips had just been and securing it around her throat, “How could it be wrong? Can’t you feel how right this is? Feel that?” he squeezed gently and Y/N rolled her eyes back in ecstasy, nodding as best she could against the door.

“I feel it. I want you to feel me. Feel all of me. Please.”

Harry squeezed his eyes shut at her pleading. He doubted she could make out his eyes in the semi-darkness but he couldn’t risk it with how out of his mind he felt in that moment. He bent in to kiss her again, licking into her mouth with languid strokes while his free hand explored her body, lower and lower until he reached the hem of her dress. He snaked his hand beneath it and squeezed the outside of her thigh, then the round of her ass, biting her lower lip a bit as he did that. He couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into her flesh there. He grabbed her asscheek, squeezing tightly, and he could smell her arousal pooling in between her thighs. He wasted not a moment longer before bringing his hand back up front and grazing his fingers where she wanted him most.

Y/N couldn’t help but thrust her pelvis towards him, going on her tip-toes. She winced from the pain that shot through her ankle in doing so and Harry cursed under his breath for overlooking this. He needed to get her into a position she wouldn’t thrash about. Without a second thought, he grabbed her into his arms and her legs went around his middle, bringing them to her couch. He sat down carefully, mindful of her legs, and he made sure she was resting her weight on his lap and her knees were comfortably on either side of him on the cushions. Harry whined as his fingers found the meatiest part of her bottom again when he felt the fabric of her lacy thong at the center.

She panted into his mouth when she felt his fingers on her bare bum under her skirt. Her thong wasn’t covering much but she didn’t care. She wanted his hands all over her. Y/N scooted herself in closer as Harry continued slowly kissing her mouth, using his tongue to wet her lips and then slipping it against hers. She was losing her composure. She ground her hips into Harry’s and felt his solid erection under his jeans.

One of his hands gathered her hair at her back and twisted it around his fist, tilting her head back and exposing her neck to him once more, while the other went in between her thighs gently feeling her soft skin as he moved his fingertips higher and closer to where her scent was beckoning him and found the crotch of her soaked panties once more. He latched his lips at her pulse point again and, pulling the drenched material to the side, he ran his fingers ever so slightly against her wet core.

“Oh my god, Harry. Don’t tease…” she mewled and Harry smiled against her neck.

“Thought you said you wanted me to feel all of you,” his thumb found her clit and she cried out in pleasure. Ah, he loved her response to him. He’d never had such an expressive lover before. He was enjoying it a lot. He’d never dragged it out with anyone this long, either. Sex was usually just that- sex. Adequate foreplay to lubricate everything enough so that it was enjoyable for both parties and nothing more. Harry had always enjoyed foreplay, but it was a means to an end. A way to heighten his own pleasure further on. But this time, he found that he enjoyed this tremendously without even considering anything in return. He loved pleasuring her just for the sake of doing just that- the way she was responding to him was spurring him on and giving him pleasure more than any form of foreplay he’d received in return had ever.

She pushed herself onto her knees against his hand as she tentatively lowered one of her own to his crotch, palming him through his jeans. She gasped at the feel of him hard and straining underneath the fabric and she quickly glanced up at his face to check for permission but his eyes were shut tightly, his nose flared as if he was trying to keep himself in check. When he didn’t stop her, she took it as her cue to begin unbuttoning his pants.

The moment his button was undone and the zipper was yanked at, Harry groaned and pushed himself back, “Hold on…” he said as he reached inside his pants to straighten himself out more comfortably. Freeing himself of the confinement of his skinny jeans was a relief, but that’s all he would allow himself- knowing full well that if he let her touch him he’d slip over the edge and there’d be no turning back. But he loved her eagerness to please, and it was taking all of his concentrated willpower to hold back.

Y/N watched with her lips parted as he brought himself out. His tip was just there. She held her breath as she lowered her hand once more. She hadn’t had the chance to touch it before. She started to scoot back for more space and wiggled in his lap to adjust her position but Harry pulled on her hair in reprimand, “No. Stay still, sweetheart. You’re going to hurt yourself, and I’ll stop. Want me to stop?”

She shook her head and he let go of her hair, allowing her to straighten up and kiss him “Don’t stop. I need you.”

She could never tire of kissing him. He was giving it his all with every kiss. Leaving her breathless, so much so that she had to pull up for air every now and then. All the while, Harry was rubbing at her pussy in lazy circles, driving her wild. She needed more, but it felt so good like this too. The smell of his own arousal was beckoning her, and she wanted to touch too. She wanted to do a lot more than just touch. But, again, she was willing to let him set the pace, and part of her was taken aback that he’d stopped her. Most guys in his place would’ve happily accepted her returning the favor. She knew he was just teasing her, egging her on. And the anticipation was only heightening her senses.

Breaking the kiss, Harry brought his free middle finger to her mouth, “Suck”.

She closed her mouth around him, pretending he was letting her go down on him like she so desperately craved to. Harry’s labored breathing was telling her he was waiting for that moment to happen just as much as she was, if not more. “Slide my ring off and spit it out. Go on.”

He could feel her gush against his fingers at his words and bit his lower lip watching her do as instructed. God, she was perfect. Harry would’ve never been able to conjure her up in his wildest fantasies. The way she was responding to him exceeded anything he could’ve wished for.

“This one too.” he pushed his index finger into her mouth next and watched her do the same, spitting the second ring somewhere on the couch next to the other one. “That’s a good girl.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and then switched his hand for the other, bringing his ringless fingers to her entrance.

She watched between heavy lids as he brought the other hand to his mouth, sucking the tips of his fingers into his mouth and humming low in his chest, closing his eyes. He’d had a hint of her taste before, of course, this was fresh and wet and he just simply couldn’t deny himself.

This was different. She was different, a lot different to the females he’d been with from his own pack. She was sweeter, stickier, and now that he’d had a proper taste he was never going back. “Fuck me, Y/N. You taste so good. I’m going to want my tongue in there next. But you’ve earned my fingers for now, hm? …You want a finger, kitten?” He nudged at her entrance as he asked.

“P…please!”

Y/N buried her own hands deeper into his hair and hung on for dear life as Harry finally began fingering her, slowly at first. How could he deny her when she asked so nicely.

“Mmmmm… Harry…. More-” Y/N pleaded in between moans. And by more, she wanted his cock. She knew he was just as turned on and that despite how large he was, with how worked up she’d gotten, he’d be able to push his way in and she wanted so badly to feel it. Not that she didn’t enjoy his finger. She just wanted more. She wanted to feel him in every way. Inside of her and all around her.

Harry grunted on each thrust of his finger and then adding the second, he began picking up the pace. She could hear exactly how wet she was and she knew she'd make a mess out of his trousers even, but she didn’t care. His free hand went to her breast then, and thumbed at her nipple through the fabric, circling it and tugging at it just enough; then his mouth found hers again and she could still taste herself on his tongue. He then angled his palm and she cried out when he began pressing into her G-spot just right. Normally, Y/N needed clitoral stimulation no matter what, but he was doing something right, something she couldn’t replicate herself seemingly because she was sure she was going to burst any moment.

“Harry-” she grasped his hair tight and began to move her hips in time with his thrusts.

Harry tried to hold back the purr that began to vibrate from his chest but he was feeling the ecstasy just as much as she was. Her scent and her noises, the way she was yanking at his hair… and then when he felt her grinding herself down on his fingers he choked out a moan as his chest began to purr.

He moved his mouth closer to her ear, “Fuck, Y/N… getting my whole hand wet, kitten. Good girl. Take what you need.”

“Oh god. Oh, fuck. Harry!”

“That’s it!” he nosed at her neck again, sucking the skin there into his mouth just a tiny bit, powerless to resist, “Say my name when I make you come, show me who you belong to.”

Y/N couldn’t believe how much hearing that spurred her on. The tone of his voice, so much deeper and graver than usual, the way in which he’d said it, leaving no room for interpretation or hesitation on her part made her let go and cry out his name as she came, over and over again. He didn’t let up until she slumped against his body, spent and euphoric and he rested against the back of the couch in turn, while she came to her senses in his arms.

She couldn’t put the feelings she had into words but everything about him was something that just felt right. It felt real. She felt safe with him and revered by him. She felt like she could trust him completely. Implicitly.

Harry nuzzled into her neck to calm himself as her breathing slowed. He soon realized the contrast between his own labored breathing and her own had increased significantly, her body grew heavier against his and her heartbeats were barely audible to his heightened hearing- the girl had fallen asleep. He was surprised, but relieved because he still had a very pressing matter that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, and if she tried to paw at him again he was sure to cave in this time around. Seeing her come apart in his arms the way she just had rendered him speechless. It was an image that would be forever imprinted on his retinae. And if he could make her come undone like that using just his two fingers, Harry was more than eager to find out how her body would react to taking him fully.

Just the visual of that thought had him leaking precome. Harry had never needed to reign it in like this. As an alpha, he usually got whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. He was not used to denying himself anything.

But yet, here he was, holding the most delicious being in his arms and keeping himself from absolutely ravaging her. The hardest part of that was that he knew she wanted it. So why was he doing this to himself? She’d be worth it. That’s why. Everything about the way they interacted had suddenly become so natural and so implicit that his doubts were few about what he wanted when it came to her. And he wanted her. So he’d do this right. He’d play the little game and he’d bide his time if that’s what it took.

Although what he really wanted was to lay her flat on the couch and stick his nose right into her pussy, lick her clean. Take her flavor with him in his mouth like a parting gift.

Willing those thoughts away so he could focus on the task at hand, he held her carefully as he stood up from the couch and carried her to her bed. He hadn’t bothered turning on any lights in her bedroom but his heightened night vision could make out her pretty features in the dark with no difficulty.

Laying her down gently, his nose picked up a familiar scent, and then he saw his own shirt he’d lent her at the lake in a puddle on the floor. Picking it up, he discovered a pair of panties in there as well, catching them just as they were about to hit the floor. Without hesitation, he stuffed them into his back pocket for… safekeeping.

By the looks of it, she’d worn his shirt to bed. The thought alone had him purring again. She slept swaddled in his scent, the fabric of his shirt against her bare skin. She’d needed to feel his presence around her.

He’d meant to drape a blanket over her sleeping form, but his shirt was large enough to cover her torso comfortably, and his scent would make her feel safe even in her dreams in his absence.

He lingered a bit at the side of her bed, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, watching her fast asleep and completely unbothered that she had a strange man in her house.

Harry knew well enough that Y/N had her reservations about him- as she should. He would’ve found her silly and reckless had she not. No, she knew he had his secrets but was choosing to trust him, but he didn’t expect her to be so vulnerable around him so soon. Sure, she’d fallen asleep on him once before- but that was back when she’d suffered what was probably the fright of her life so far (and Harry would make sure, from here on out, certainly). It was a normal reaction coming down from such an adrenaline rush. But this? This he did not expect. Her body was reacting to him instinctively. It recognized his presence was safe and comforting. And Harry reveled in that.

Harry began to back out of the room and stopped in the doorframe. He couldn’t bear the idea of parting from her so soon. He roamed his eyes over her figure. Even hidden under his shirt, or especially so, her body was beckoning him.

He couldn’t will his feet to step away from the door. He’d just been knuckles deep inside of her. Bringing his hand to his nose he inhaled deeply and his eyes fluttered shut. He couldn't believe the restraint he’d proven not to take her then and there on the couch earlier.

But still, as much as it went against every cell in his body, he knew, rationally, that he must pace himself with her. She was not like his kind. Humans didn’t act on instinct the way they did. They didn’t understand the gravity of mating like that- the implications, the bond they’d create that nobody could ever break. Because, after all, this wouldn’t be just sex with her. This was already so much more than that.

Opening his eyes, he didn’t care to be mindful of them glowing golden. It was hard keeping himself in check like that with how much she riled him up, but not impossible. However, she couldn’t see him now, fast asleep- looming in the dark like that, preying upon her with a watering mouth.

He was achy and literally leaking. Looking down at himself, He was still hard as a rock and his tip was peeking out from over his pants, which he’d yet to zip back up. In fact, it might have been impossible to zip and button his pants with the state his dick was in.

He brought that same hand, the fingers that had just been inside both her pretty mouth and her sweet, tight cunt, and wrapped it around himself, shuddering at the feel and instant relief. He was so pent-up that all he’d need was a few tugs. And she was right there, her scent was encompassing him, her sweet huffs in her slumber, the way her lips were slightly parted, the way her eyelashes fluttered in deep sleep. Her breath would catch at times and he thought that maybe she’d wake up and see him like that- see the real him, the predator that he was, looming in the dark, with golden eyes and primal urges he was born to give in to.

This is who he was.

Not the man sharing popcorn with her feet away from each other.

Cutting their date short, then initiating that kiss the way she had, and finally trying to touch and pleasure him made him believe that she was not interested in playing games either, though. The silly games people engage in that Niall and the internet had informed him about. She was going with her gut instinct more than her rational mind, and he knew it. He could see her apprehensiveness but even so, she gave in to her lust. Maybe they were more alike than he’d realized.

Part of him wished she’d wake up and see him, see the real him, and still want him just as much as she had moments prior. Would she? Could she ever see the real him and possibly want him even more? Could he risk showing her more of him? The thought of her enjoying his perverted ways spurred him on even more, the thought of her possibly being turned on by what he was doing.

He came undone rapidly, picking a discarded sock off the floor and hoping she’d blame the washing machine for mismatching a pair while trying to regulate his breathing and be as quiet as possible. Coming to his senses a bit, he was more aware of how risky this had been.

But worth it.

He folded the sock in itself and stuffed it into his pocket, zipping himself back up. Just then, he heard the softest whimper she emitted in her sleep and Harry stepped closer with the intention of caressing her again before he left, but, extending his hand, he caught glimpse of a bit of come he’d missed on his thumb just there. His eyes sparked with mischief as he smirked to himself, and swiped his thumb across her lower lip, wetting it with his essence. The parting gift he’d wanted for himself he’d given her instead. Lewd. Dirty. But god did he love the way it looked against her mouth. A mark of sorts. His first marking on her.

The sight alone made him stiffen right back up in his pants and his eyes widened even more when, subconsciously, the tip of her tongue wet her lips.

Harry all but ran out of her apartment before he could cause any real irreparable damage.

Blinking her eyes open, Y/N knew something was amiss when she felt her socks against the bedding. Why would she be wearing–

Then his scent invaded her senses and she took note of Harry’s shirt draped over her middle and it all came rushing back to her-the date, what happened after the date, but she drew a blank as to how she’d gotten into bed. She remembered falling onto his chest after that mind-numbing orgasm he’d coaxed out of her, and she remembered his warm breath in her hair as he combed his fingers soothingly through it, his other hand caressing up and down her thigh.

She just felt so content, so perfectly relaxed in his arms that she must’ve fallen asleep. That had never happened before. Usually the first few times she was intimate with someone new, she’d have trouble finding sleep if they spent the night. Let alone fall asleep in their arms like that.

But it was just the way Harry made her feel. Safe and taken care of, that her body naturally trusted him to do just that.

By the looks of it, though, he hadn’t spent the night. He’d tucked her in and left, but there was just one issue- he’d left her socks on. And while Y/N understood why he’d be weary of undressing her without her express consent, even after all they’d already done together and seen of each other, she couldn’t help but wonder- was he the kind to wear socks to bed? Because if he was, as wonderful as the previous night had been, she’d have to end it before it even began. She couldn’t date a monster.

She decided to text him to apologize. The poor guy had to go back home with blue balls and on top of that he didn’t even get a thank you kiss for that amazing orgasm… and maybe another kiss good night, too.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep :( I feel awful…”

His response was rather prompt,

“Oh? Here I was thinking you were feeling good to have fallen asleep like that.”

“... You know what I meant. I never got to thank you properly.”

“You want to thank me properly, kitten?”

Y/N bit the lapel of his shirt, barely containing her grin at the use of the pet name,

“Yes.”

“I’m caught up with some business but will clear up time over the weekend, and I’ll let you do all the thanking you want. How’s that sound?”

Y/N deflated a bit. That was days away. She’d hoped to see him sooner. Also, what business? This just reiterated how little she actually knew about him.

“We’ll see how grateful I still feel by then :)”

“We shall see.”

Y/N was not feeling fabulous. She figured she must’ve been experiencing withdrawal. The past few days had been agonizing. She realized her little crush might be a little more than just a crush with how much she was thinking about him, and how much she was craving being in his presence. It didn’t even have to be remotely sexual- she just wanted to be around him. Learn more about him. She just… wanted to take things further.

It was finally Friday though, so if he was going to stay true to his word they’d be seeing each other soon. But by the way he was seemingly treating this, whatever it was, between them, it seemed like he was just looking for something casual with her. He hadn’t so much as called since they’d texted that morning. Which, maybe was her own doing- maybe she’d given him the wrong idea with how she’d all but jumped his bones cutting their date short like that. And the way she’d taken her bra off at the lake that evening. And, well. Maybe had she not been so ready to jump into bed with him he’d be pursuing more than just that with her right now.

Or maybe she was being ridiculous and this was a grown man and not a high school jock.

She was sick of these dating games. Was sick of holding back, and playing by the rules as to not appear too desperate or needy and give the other person the wrong impression. What was so wrong in showing you were interested? Yeah- she’d done what felt right in the moment and she didn’t regret it, not at all. She just hoped he knew that that was not the only thing she wanted from him. Because she genuinely liked his presence and wanted to explore this connection further, see what could potentially be there.

She mindlessly played with the rings she was wearing on her necklace while she contemplated that at the station- this was the last day she’d have to do boring office duty and she was more than ready to come in on Monday and start patrolling again.

Harry had forgotten his rings at her place, the ones he’d had her remove from his fingers using her mouth. She’d found them on the couch and inspected them closely before trying them on on her fingers and realizing they were too large and instead opted for a necklace, wearing them like pendentives. So she was sure to remember to give them back when he saw him first.

She loved his jewelry. Not usually a fan of men wearing rings but there was something about Harry that made them blend seamlessly into his character. She loved that each was so unique- but she hadn’t had a proper chance to inspect the others as closely as the two he’d left behind in her apartment. She brought them into her view as she sat at her desk and inspected them again for the umpteenth time. The inside of both bands had “Gucci” engraved so she knew they were quite valuable. One of them was a band featuring bears that appeared to be dancing. The other was an animal head, what appeared to be a wolf. She figured he must’ve been more into the forest and wildlife than she’d realized because those were quite the interesting choices for jewelry.

Karl came back from his patrol with Tom and sat at the desk, taking his ranger hat off and placing it on his knee, while his partner readied himself for night watch, brewing coffee in the break room, “Ready to get back out there, Y/N?”

“Am I ever… being cooped up here for the past 2 weeks has been torture.”

The older man chuckled, “I bet. But it was probably for the best.”

Y/N furrowed her brows, “Why, what do you mean?”

Karl sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair, “There’s been some interesting activity regarding wildlife. We’ve been seeing traces but today we’ve found evidence of some pretty brutal attacks, probably between two packs of wolves. Seems to have been quite the carnage.”

“Oh, my. Any carcasses?”

“No, but we’re pretty sure there were… victims, so to say. But, no, interestingly enough we couldn’t find any bodies. Who knows where they must’ve hidden to die off. Further into the forest for sure.”

Y/N couldn’t help but worry at the prospect of all these wolves potentially going at each other’s throats in proximity to Harry’s cabin.

“... No human victims, though, right?”

Karl scrunched his face in amusement, “What would people be doing so deep into the forest? Nobody goes there, not even us rangers.”

“But what if someone were to wander off…”

“We would’ve heard if someone had gone missing while hiking. And people are usually mindful of the traced paths and all the off-limits warning signs. In all my time here we’ve had very few incidents.”

“Aside from the ranger I replaced.” Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat.

Her mind wandered to her predecessor. The man she replaced was brutally murdered, supposedly by a pack of wolves. There was no other explanation but there was an investigation because the police felt like there was something else at play. Forensics found nothing that pointed to human involvement, though. There hadn’t been such a violent attack in the woods before that they knew of. Certainly not with a forest ranger. Nick told her what had happened and how they found the man off the trail about a mile into the woods torn to shreds. Some of his parts were never recovered.

“Yeah. Frank, may God rest his soul. Poor fellow. Good partner, too.”

“He was your partner?”

“Yeah, back when we used to have assigned partners instead of rotating, we used to patrol together in the deeper parts. But he was just a bit too nosey. Especially about stuff like these…”

“What, you mean the wolves?”

Karl nodded absently, a faraway look on his face. “He was convinced something was amiss, that it was more than just wolves involved. He went snooping on his own… and that’s the last we saw him alive.”

Y/N's blood froze. That sounded a lot like what she’d done with the cabin and even how she’d gone about finding Harry and the pup in the first place. She could’ve easily been in Frank’s stead, and none the wiser. At least he’d told people about his concerns.

“What do you mean more than just wolves?”

“I’m not sure, to tell you the truth. Some of the things we came across were a bit too gore to have been just wolves.”

“Bears?”

“Considering we’ve hardly seen any, it’s very unlikely that there are so many hidden far away. Bears usually are pretty nosey. No, this all looked like wolf hyperactivity; who knows what goes on in their world, you know? What kind of feuds they’ve got going on that we don’t understand. They are pretty vicious creatures, especially amongst their own kind, so it’s not entirely surprising. But Frank was adamant there was more to it…”. Suddenly the man stood up, placing his hat back on his head, “I’m sure you’re very capable, Y/N. Make no mistake, I’m not undermining your capabilities. But Frank was a very experienced ranger, and he was careful, I’m certain of it. It just goes to show that you can’t go poking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Wild animals are not to be tempered with. They’re unpredictable, and this is their territory. So don’t be a hero. Alright? Stay safe out there.”

Y/N nodded as Karl took his leave for the day, gulping as she fidgeted with the rings on her necklace. She felt a very strong urge to call Harry and make sure he was okay. He did mention he’d have some business to take care of, so hopefully, that meant he wasn’t at the cabin while all of this was happening deep into the forest.

Unless said business involved the cabin, as she’d originally suspected.

“Y/N?” Karl popped his head back into the main office, “There’s a young man outside waiting for you?”

Y/N straightened in her chair abruptly and nearly fell off it in what would’ve been a very embarrassing story Karl would’ve probably lived to tell the rangers that joined in after her.

“Yeah. Be right out,” she tried to save face but she didn’t miss the older man's amused expression as he nodded his goodbye again.

She was done for the day too, she’d actually enjoyed her conversation with her colleague and got distracted. Otherwise, she’d been eyeing the clock like a hawk all day in anticipation of her two weeks of office work being officially over.

Trying to keep her cool, she tucked her necklace inside her shirt and gathered her belongings in her backpack, and walked out of the station after wishing Tom an easy night shift in the breakroom, and taking her sweet time in doing so too. She even threw in a giggle there, which probably threw her poor colleague off, but she felt petty enough to do it… and so she did. Harry seemingly had a way of coaxing the most unexpected reactions out of her.

The man in question was leaning against his original larger car, his arms crossed, and of course, sporting that seemingly perpetual scowl that she found so attractive. She bit the inside of her cheek to steady herself and approached him. As she was getting closer, Harry’s expression morphed from neutral if slightly irritated because of aforementioned scowl, to confused verging on… worried.

“What’s the matter?” he asked before she even reached him.

She furrowed her brows, “What do you mean? What?” she touched at her face in reflex “Do I have something on my face?...”

He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, looking her over intently, “Are you hurt?”

“...No? Why?”

Harry was certain she was deeply wounded. There was no way she’d hurt herself by accident and couldn’t feel it with the amount of blood he was smelling on her.

“Are you sure?”

She laughed, “Yes, I’m sure. What’s gotten into you? My ankle is good as new! See?” she wiggled her foot for show.

Harry was thrown off by this. She seemed fine. She didn’t appear to be lying- he could always tell when people were lying- their not-so-subtle cues paired with the rush in their blood flow always gave them away- but she was being truthful, she wasn’t hurt or at least wasn’t aware of it. Giving her another once-over he decided to take her word for it and drop it- although something was definitely off.

Was there someone else’s blood on her somehow? But he was familiarized with her own blood’s scent from when he’d cleaned her wounds at the cabin–

“Harry?” The man’s eyes snapped back at hers, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah– sorry. Uhm. Right.” he blinked, re-focusing, “Let’s get moving, want you to catch more daylight than last time.”

‘Huh?”

“The lake. Thought we’d go for a swim again,” he opened the passenger door and held it open for her as per usual.

Y/N stalled, hesitating, “Uhm. Yeah… I can’t, though.”

Harry frowned, “Why? Did you go already?” Without me, he wanted to add but refrained.

“No, I, uh… well. We can still go but I can’t get into the water.”

“It’s still warm outside and I promise I’ll get you out before the sun sets this time around. And I’ll think of other ways to warm you up more efficiently,” he added with a smirk, roaming his eyes over her body once more, but this time for a different purpose.

Y/N raised an eyebrow and fought off a smile, “That’s awfully considerate of you, however… it’s not that. I, uh… well, I’m on my period,” she shrugged, defeatedly. There was no other way to put it.

Harry paused, staring at her for a long moment. That notion had completely gone right over his head. He knew, of course, that human females bled monthly, unlike his own kind, that inherited the canine characteristics in this regard and only went into heat once a year.

His eyes widened, realizing that must’ve meant that Y/N was essentially in heat.

And that triggered something within him. Something he’d just given himself a pep talk over. But how could he possibly stick to the plan in her presence now knowing she was, well… breedable?

Harry used all of his concentrated willpower to keep his eyes from brightening at the realization.

“I’m sorry if that was TMI…” Y/N grimaced when he just stared at her. She’d never seen him taken aback like that. Had she grossed him out?

“Of course not,” he furrowed his brows even deeper. “Don’t be silly. What, uh… what do you normally do?”

“What, like, when I’m on my period?” she laughed “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“What’s wrong with my question?”

Y/N stammered, “Nothing, it’s just… I mean, I don’t know. I usually just stay in, eat comfort food, fight off cramps cuddled up on my couch, and watch romcoms.”

Cramps. So there was a level of discomfort there, then, “Are you in pain?”

Y/N tried not to laugh again, he seemed genuinely interested in knowing for some reason. Had none of his girlfriends had their periods around him? Or had he just never had a relationship long enough to have to deal with this? Or did he just never have relationships at all? “Uhm, not right now. It’s usually worse during the night, I guess…”

“Do you take medication for the pain?”

“Rarely. If it gets unbearable.”

Unbearable.

“But usually I can ride it out, I just, you know… place a warm water bottle on my belly or something.” she couldn’t resist covering her face, “Gosh, this is embarrassing.”

Harry gently removed her hands from her face, “Why is it embarrassing? I just want to know, so I can help.”

“... You want to help?”

Harry bit his lower lip. This was verging on dangerous territory. “Yes. Is that so wrong?”

Y/N blushed, remembering the instance in which she’d used that exact same phrase after their date. “No. No, it’s not.” She smiled, “You could come over if you want? Distract me?”

Harry was beyond confused. He’d never heard of the females in his pack being in pain during their heat. Well, maybe only if they couldn’t get someone to breed them– Was this why Y/N was hurting, then? Because there wasn’t anyone to breed her? Sure, Niall had told him impregnating her was physically impossible but the act itself was surely enough to comfort her.

It all made sense. The way he could distract her from her pain was to fuck it out of her. She was in heat and needed to be bred.

He knew from his own experience during his rut, the agony was almost unbearable. He needed to release around the clock to keep sane. It must’ve been the same for her. Poor thing.

Only- he wasn’t smelling her arousal. Which didn’t make any sense. Maybe her blood was overpowering it… Yes, that must’ve been it.

Harry had really wanted to give this whole human ritual angle a go, for her sake- but refraining from soothing his ma– little human was something he couldn’t even fathom.

“I’ll distract you.”

First things first- Y/N mentioned comfort food. He’d take it a step at a time. Harry was quite the enthusiast when it came to cooking, and what better time to etalate his talents in the kitchen than now that his services were needed the most. He drove them to her place, then dropped her off and when she turned to look at him confused as to why he wasn’t getting out of the car, he reassured her “Just gonna grab a few things and be right back, alright kitten?”

He didn’t miss the small smile that played on her lips as she nodded and headed towards her apartment building. He waited for her to get in safely then drove off to the nearest supermarket. While he was going through the aisles, he dialed Niall’s number. Just to be on the safe side.

“Uhm- I’m kind of in the middle of something–”

“Then step to the side. What can you tell me about human menstruation?”

He could hear his friend rub his face in frustration and a bit of shuffling around before closing a door behind him with a sigh “What about it?”

“How does it work? Is it like when our females go into heat?”

“Yes and no. Ours only do it once a year, they go through this every month. Doesn’t last as long though, a few days, varying on individual aspects.”

“Is it painful?”

“Yeah, it can be quite painful.”

“Would you say it was unbearable?”

“I dunno Harry- last time I checked I wasn’t a woman.”

“Does sex help?”

Niall paused “It can help- but what’s this about exactly? Is Y/N on her period?”

Harry growled lowly “That’s none of your business.”

“Sheesh. You can fuck her if she wants, might help with the pain even- there’s no contraindications.”

“But isn’t it… preferable? You know, the same way females in heat need to be bred?”

“Hold on. Wait. Yeah- here’s the catch. The main difference is that while our kind are most fertile during their heat and need to be bred- humans are least fertile during their period. They have no urge to procreate during menstruation. That occurs for them during ovulation.”

“... What happens during ovulation?”

“Basically, it’s like they’re in heat minus the bleeding. That’s when they’re at their horniest.”

“And does that occur monthly too?”

“Yes, roughly 10 days before menstruating.”

Harry immediately thought about their encounter at the lake and the way she’d smelled a lot more potent and alluring to him. And judging by Niall’s calculations, she must’ve been ovulating then. Which explained her eagerness and boldness. He felt a pang of guilt for taking her home without comforting her in any way.

“You still there mate?”

“Yeah– ok. Ok, that checks out. So sex isn’t necessarily something that would help right now?”

“I’d leave that for later, maybe. Humans are weird about these things.”

Harry recalled how she’d mentioned it was embarrassing and figured Niall was probably right. He was going to shelve this for a later time, then. He had a feeling his little human would benefit from this special treatment. He thanked his friend for the info and let him go back to whatever he was doing that he was eager to get back to, and focused on his shopping. If sex was off the table for now he was going to spoil her in other ways, and he had a good idea about what else might make her feel better.

Harry was walking back through Y/N’s door much sooner than she’d anticipated. She had just started getting into an episode of a new show when Harry was opening her door that she’d left unlocked. She turned quickly to watch him with his arms full. In one arm a paper bag full of groceries and in his other, Eddie.

Y/N hopped up from her spot when she saw them and beamed, “You brought my favorite little guy! Look at you!” She took the pup from Harry’s arm and placed him down on the floor, squatting down next to him to pat his head.

“Thought you’d like seeing him. And I got some groceries so I can make us dinner. Now,” he gestured at the girl, “go put your feet up on the couch. Edward can lie with you while I make food.”

Harry wasn’t sure exactly why he was feeling so protective of her. Well, he kind of knew but this sudden need to care for her and soothe her was unusual. He’d never jumped into action in this way before. But then again, everything with Y/N was all new to him. He was fighting his natural urges while also trying to balance them with what she might expect from a boyfriend. Was that what they were?

Harry had been doing more independent research about what it was like to date and what women expected. They liked to take things slow, but they also didn’t like to be kept waiting for some kind of commitment (which didn’t make any sense to Harry). Dating wasn’t an explicit commitment and sometimes humans would date multiple people at once. Another thing that boggled his mind. If Harry ever found out that she was dating anyone else he’d lose it. He didn’t think he’d be able to hide his inclination to harm the other man. So he wanted to figure out a way to make it clear to her that she was his. Only, he wouldn’t say it like that to her in case that sort of thinking scared her off. Humans were funny about being their own person and possessive behavior was typically frowned upon by them.

Before he headed into the kitchen, Harry picked up Edward and placed him over her tummy. Y/N immediately started petting him- he was a bit sleepy as it was later into the evening and past his bedtime which was perfect for what she needed right now. Soon, he closed his eyes and started purring, which Harry figured would help soothe her cramps and was essentially what made him go get his nephew in the first place, aside from the fact he knew she’d enjoy seeing him again.

Harry tried to ignore his jealousy over that bit. He really wanted to just lie there with her on the couch and warm her with his hand to soothe her. But he pushed down those thoughts. He planned on doing just that after they ate dinner.

It didn’t take long for Harry to make the truffle macaroni and cheese dish. Normally, he would use fresh truffles but he didn’t find any at the supermarket he’d been to and an employee there assured him he wouldn’t find any outside specific markets- so he’d had to settle for truffle oil and hoped it’d taste just as good. Thankfully their cheese selection was good, so he was able to use his favorites for the dish; Gruyere, fontina, and fresh parmesan to balance the flavors.

After he plated their food, he handed her a bowl and placed another down on the floor for Edward, only his bowl consisted of a mix of vegetables and meat, to his disappointment- his nephew was not pleased by this. Harry was still trying to keep up the facade about Edward being a pup so feeding him truffle mac and cheese would be confusing to a human. He was lucky Harry wasn’t feeding him dog food.

“Harry! Oh my god!” Y/N spoke as she held her hand in front of her mouth full of pasta, “This is so fucking good!” Harry smiled to himself. He knew it was good. He knew she’d like it.

Y/N was feeling absolutely pampered. He washed the dishes and gave her a pint of chocolate fudge ice cream to eat while he cleaned. But she kind of hoped he’d settle down and just lie with her or at least sit. He’d barely relaxed since he’d come back with the groceries and Eddie other than to eat with her.

“Harry?” Y/N sat up and looked toward the kitchen. She blinked her eyes at the sight of him in there cleaning her countertop and working in it like it was his own kitchen. And he had put his hair into a bun. It was oddly attractive. She’d never dated a guy with long hair. It always felt so feminine on most men. But Harry was an exception to that. He was masculine and took up a lot of space so his soft curls made sense on him somehow. He was equally pretty and handsome.

He turned to look at her when he heard her call his name and raised his brows in question.

“Will you please sit down with me for a bit? Eddie is nice company but I was hoping to have yours as well.”

Harry grinned, dimples carving into his cheeks, “I’ll be right there.”

She wanted him there with her. He would certainly make that happen. After putting the pot away that he’d just dried, Harry picked Edward up and placed him on a pillow next to the couch, and sat down. But Y/N pulled at him so he was right next to her. She was grateful for his attention and thoughtfulness. But she wanted him. Wanted to kiss him and have him hold her.

“Such a needy little thing, Y/N,” Harry laughed at her grabby hands.

“Sometimes.”

“What do you need right now, hm?”

Y/N smiled and bit her lip. She was never one to be shy about what she wanted, but Harry brought something else out of her. Made her feel tingly and bright all over the way he looked at her. The way he always seemed to look like he wanted to devour her. She wanted to devour him too, though.

Instead of speaking an answer, Y/N let her eyes travel to his mouth and then back up to his eyes as she licked her lips.

Harry was an expert at reading body language. He had to be because, in his wolf form, he was unable to speak so when he and his pack would need to communicate in their shifted form they relied heavily on body language. And he knew what she wanted by her simple gesture. She didn’t need to speak for him to understand her.

Moving his hand to her hip and pulling her into his arms, Harry put his nose against her neck, “Want me to hold you?” He kissed her soft skin and the way her heart was pumping rapidly against her pulse point was not missed by him.

She let out a shaky breath and he felt her nod. He placed another soft peck against her neck before bringing his lips up to her mouth in a kiss that had Y/N completely melting. She brought her small hand up to his jaw and opened her mouth for him as he deepened the kiss before parting with a gasp. He had to take it easy.

Harry moved them around, lying on his back with Y/N lying atop his chest. He moved his hands down and wrapped his arms around her. He hoped this counted as a third date. He wanted to do more than just hold her next time. He could tell she’d probably enjoy more than just being held even this time. To him, she definitely acted just as though she were in heat. And Niall did say it might help her if that’s what she wanted…

He didn’t have to imagine how she was feeling. He could already smell it on her. Taste it. She wanted him in the same way he wanted her. Harry’s willpower to resist was wearing thin. Especially when he could sense her aroused state.

Y/N lifted her head to look at Harry and she brought her hand up to his face and gently ghosted her fingers at his jaw, “I like you, Harry.”

Harry grinned widely and squeezed her tight, “Oh yeah? Kind of figured…”

Y/N laughed and scooted herself upward and pressed her mouth over his. Harry loved how bold she could be at times. And he loved how she tasted. Her smooth lips against his felt so good he felt like he could lose his mind.

But that didn’t compare to the way it felt when she lowered her mouth to his jaw and then began sponging hot kisses against his neck. Harry moaned and closed his eyes as she licked and kissed his pulse point. However, it was the sudden nip and suck at his flesh that had him feeling the rush of heat that made him solid between his legs in an instant.

“Oh… you like that…” she smiled into his neck as she repeated her gesture again.

Harry kept his eyes closed and lips parted, allowing her to mark him like she wanted. But he was slowly fading into his crude nature. Too much more of this and he’d just have to fuck her. This was the kind of thing an alpha would only allow a mate to do.

When Y/N adjusted her position and opened her legs to straddle Harry he held her hips down to keep her from wiggling over his thickened cock too much. He needed to slow this moment down. He was here to comfort her and make her feel better but he was losing composure quickly and he needed to stop before he did anything too hasty.

“Let’s just lie here and relax, c’mere…” Harry pulled her down so her head was lying on his chest. He couldn’t have her seeing his eyes. He was struggling to control himself.

Y/N whined and pouted which made Harry chuckle, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You’re right. I’m on my period so I doubt you want to do anything with that…”

Harry gripped her hip tight and with his free hand he smoothed his thumb over her cheek, “Oh, Y/N. You couldn’t be more wrong. You have no idea the things I would do to you. Your period isn’t what is stopping me.” On the contrary.

Y/N drew her pointer finger in circles over his chest, “What’s stopping you then?”

Harry drew in a deep breath and continued brushing his finger on her cheek, “I just want to do this right,” he responded honestly, “there’s something here, don’t you think?”

Y/N tilted her head back to look up at him. There was something. She did know. He was right and she was thankful for his good sense.

A few moments went by with Y/N looking up at Harry dreamily. His eyes had been closed the whole time.

Harry smiled and then finally allowed himself to open his eyes to look down at her just to find her smiling back. He noticed a necklace dangling from her delectable neck, the chain tucked under her shirt. And when Y/N saw his eyes lower to her neck she remembered his rings.

She pushed herself up and pulled the chain out to reveal the rings Harry had her remove the other night.

The smile fell from Harry’s face when he realized what she had on the chain. His rings. Another gesture that she didn’t realize the implications of. She was wearing his rings like a prize around her neck, a signal to others that she was spoken for. Of course, that wasn’t her intention but to Harry, it felt like a subconscious act that meant much more than she knew.

“I almost forgot I was wearing it,” Y/n placed the rings in her palm, still attached to the chain.

Harry tilted his head to the side, taking the sight in. He was once again taken aback by her natural instinct. First, the way she’d worn his shirt to bed, then the way she’d nipped at his neck just earlier, and now this. These were all things a mate would do, and she was doing them without a second thought. She just knew. When she went to undo the chain at the back of her neck he stopped her, “Looks too good on you to take off right now. Keep it on.”

When Y/N reluctantly pulled her body out of his arms to go for a bathroom break, he noted how Edward was fast asleep on the pillow and figured he should probably get his little human to bed as well. He walked into her bedroom and smiled to himself when the first thing he saw was his shirt discarded on her bed. She was still wearing it to sleep, then. Her room was as messy as ever, but for some reason, he found it endearing instead of being put off. He was quite the neat freak himself.

When she emerged from the bathroom she saw him in her room directly across the small hallway and smiled to herself, remembering the way she’d found him snooping in there the first time.

He beckoned for her to step inside, “Let’s get you to bed, kitten.” She couldn’t help the wide smile at his use of that pet name he seemed to prefer for her. She then noticed him holding his shirt, “Are you wearing this to sleep?”

She blushed, realizing she’d been caught yet again for using it rather than having washed it to return it to him. Truth was, she didn’t want to give it back. But his cologne was starting to wear off and she secretly wished she could ask for another in exchange. Would that be too forward? “...Yes.”

“Then by all means…” he held it out to her and she hesitated. Did he want her to strip down and put his shirt on instead? When he raised an eyebrow at her expectedly, she bit her lower lip and discarded her top. She normally just wore his shirt and a pair of panties to bed. And he seemed to know that with the way he was looking at her. So she unhooked her bra next and tossed it to the floor.

Harry’s nose flared, reigning himself in as he watched her undress in front of him in the soft light her bedside lamp provided. He allowed his eyes to linger longer than before on her alluring body. His eyes landed on his rings dangling right in between her breasts and swallowed the lump in his throat. Wetting his lips, he closed in the space between them and made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on hers, draping the shirt over her shoulders, much in the same way he’d done back at the lake when he first gave it to her.

Never removing her eyes from his, she slid her arms into the sleeves easily with how loose it fit over her body, while he buttoned the shirt up for her. She then undid her pants and slid them off, leaving them in a heap on the floor.

Harry was reminded of her state of distress when the sweet rusted iron scent of blood hit him full force now that she was just wearing her panties under the oversized shirt. It was what snapped him out of it and reminded him he’d meant to put her to bed.

Taking initiative and crawling under the covers, Y/N watched as he pondered his next move. She scooted toward the middle of the bed, making sure to leave him plenty of space to follow suit, should he want to. She hoped he’d stay a little longer. Maybe even sleep over. Would he want that? Was it something he’d want to do, just cuddle?

She watched as he eventually took his shirt off, unbuttoning it slowly. She made a mental note to somehow trick him into leaving it behind in exchange for the one she was wearing. Harry then reached for his button to remove his pants and halted, looking up at Y/N, “Is this okay?”

Y/N nodded and gave him a soft smile, knowing full well he went commando. And sure enough, he pulled his jeans down his legs, leaving once again no underwear in sight. She didn’t miss the fact that he sported a semi, but looked away as to preserve the tenderness of the moment. He climbed onto the bed next to her and pulled the blanket over himself before pulling her into his arms again, her face pressed into his left pec.

Harry felt his heart calming and his body with it. He looked down at the girl who had her eyes closed. He brushed his hand against her jaw and his deep voice vibrated against her ear, “Tell me about that picture you have hanging above your dresser. The one where you’re wearing a military uniform.”

Y/N opened her eyes and angled her head to look up at him, moving her palm upward to his chest, before turning to look over at the photo Harry was referring to.

She sighed with a smile and laid her head back down on his chest as she began to tell him about the photo. Her family in it. Her time at military school and her training, “My brother was also in the military. Now he’s running a small business in the town he lives in with his wife. She’s pregnant. I’ll be an aunty soon,” she smiled at the thought.

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“A couple of months ago. He lives a few hours away so it’s not so easy to just hop on over these days.”

Harry was momentarily lost in thought again as he absentmindedly twirled a strand of her hair between his fingers. He wished he could hop in a car and go see his brother, if only for a minute. He’d know what to tell him, about the growingly inevitable decision he’d have to face soon.

“What about you? Your family?”

“Mmm…” Harry couldn’t tell her the full truth, but he could give her pieces, “My parents died when I was young. My uncle took care of me, then when I came of age I moved in with my older brother.”

Y/N craned her neck to look at Harry in the eyes, “I’m sorry, Harry. Are you close with your brother?”

“Mmh-” Harry grunted in response. He swallowed thickly and blinked his eyes. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about his brother.

Y/N realized that this might mean he didn’t want to talk about it. She laid her head back onto his chest and brushed her fingertips over his butterfly tattoo and higher, feeling his sparse hairs under her palm. She wanted to ask about his tattoos too. Maybe that would’ve been a safer route to getting to know more about him. Soon, his breathing became more shallow and she was sure he had fallen asleep.

But Harry was far from asleep. They laid in silence for a long while as he considered her question and as much as he didn’t want to talk about his brother, he decided that, for her, he would talk about it. Well, what he could anyway.

“He and his wife recently passed.”

Y/N lifted her head to look up at him. She hadn’t expected that. She listened intently as he continued. “It was a bad accident. Uh… and Edward was their… pet, actually, and so I took him in.”

Y/N pushed her arms around Harry’s frame and squeezed him, smushing her cheek to his chest, “Oh, Harry… that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Eddie is lucky that you took him in. If you want to talk about it… how it happened, I’ll listen.”

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. She was sweet. He felt like he could trust her completely and it took everything in him not to tell her more. But he couldn’t risk that. In that moment, he only wanted to do whatever it took to protect their growing bond.

“Maybe another day.”

Y/N nodded into his chest and closed her eyes. Harry’s natural scent was calming and her cramps were soothed. She was so pleased that Harry had shared with her what he did. It meant he trusted her. That felt important. And it meant more to her than he knew that she finally got to know something personal about him. Especially something so vulnerable. She felt content.

Harry could tell she was beginning to doze off. Her heart rate was slowing and her breaths were lighter even. He gently began to adjust her in his arms so she’d be more comfortable.

Y/N drowsily felt him turn her to her side and, fearing he’d then pull away and leave she asked in a small voice “Will you stay the whole night with me?”

It was then that it dawned on him that he’d be spending the night, sleeping next to her. He’d never done that with anyone else before. He would’ve thought it would feel unnatural to be laying in bed with her- him naked and with her bleeding as if in heat, no less- and not engage in anything sexual, but, somehow, it didn’t. It felt right. And he felt content just to be in her presence, holding her to his body. He reached to turn off the bedside lamp and then brought his arms around her, placing a big warm palm over her belly, wishing he could allow himself to purr to soothe her even more. “Of course,” he spoke into her neck as he closed his eyes. He never wanted to leave her side again.

Chapter 7

A/N: (@fkinavocado and @gurugirl here) 20k words - enough said.

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cupidjyu · 9 months

Text

win over your heart (goal!)

sunwoo x reader (this is for the anon who requested jealous sunwoo and bff eric! thank youuuu~)

summary: getting partnered up with your best friend eric and your childhood enemy sunwoo for a school project isn’t always ideal.

genre: friends to lovers, childhood enemies to lovers lol, school au (high school, college, not rlly specified), soccer player sunwoo and eric!, eric is your best friend and the real mvp here actually, fluff, jealousy, confession, getting together, first kiss, reader likes photography, flirting but also shyness notes: yumi is in a weird era where she suddenly writes these long ass fics for literal no reason 😭 my true writing potential (not rlly, i could write 20k if i rlly wanted to) word count: 7k

There were many rules when it came to soccer. You never quite understood all of them. The only thing that you were absolutely sure of, was that the goal is always the main objective. So really, every time you watched soccer games, your eyes couldn’t help but wander to the area next to the two white nets, wondering which team will score next.

“Y/n! Hey.” Eric popped up from the bleachers, dressed in his usual soccer uniform. He leaned his forearms against the cool metal, looking up at you with a quirky smile. “You didn’t forget what you have to do, did you?”

You immediately shook out of your little daydream, looking down to face him. “Oh, yeah. I definitely remembered.”

Eric raised an eyebrow.

You huffed. “I remembered… just now.”

“Focus.” He rolled his eyes. Then, he gave you a cheesy thumbs-up and a wink. “Make sure I look top-tier and better than everyone else.”

“I’ll make sure I do the opposite,” You deadpanned. As he walked away, you picked up the heavy camera that hung around your neck. Photography has always been your sort of… escape. Being able to look through the lens in a completely new perspective and even capturing precious moments easily caused you to get lost in your own world.

Usually, you took pictures of scenery or pretty flowers. But sometimes, there would be a certain someone who wanted you to take high-quality pictures of him so that he could use them to impress someone that he was crushing on.

You sighed, bringing the camera up to your face, to zoom in. You moved your view around until you found the familiar back of Eric’s head.

“Found you, dummy,” You whispered to yourself, turning the lens so that you could focus on his face. You followed him around, taking pictures whenever he would subconsciously pose in the sunlight or when a bright smile would appear on his face whenever he successfully passed the ball.

After the first game of practice was finished, you tracked your best friend as he walked towards someone. You squinted your eyes, watching as he began to talk to him, punching his shoulder and everything. Eventually, your curiosity got the better of you and so with a held breath, you shifted your focus onto the man next to him.

“It’s you,” You wondered to yourself, pulling back briefly. “Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo was your enemy. Well, not anymore. Elementary school enemies. It was funny, really. You two had always bickered when you were little children, sticking tongues out and messing up each other’s coloring papers.

“I’m gonna tell on you!” You would always threaten whenever he stole your little zebra eraser.

“Nuh-uh!”

There never was a day where you didn’t fight with him. Up until elementary school ended and he had moved away.

You brought the camera back up, trying to find Eric again but he was long gone. You sighed, as you went back to search for him, but again, your camera landed back on Sunwoo. Swallowing nervously, you watched as he began to play in his own style. Even the way he ran was alluring. He was a lot more serious than Eric, but his eyes were always adorably bright and his hair always bounced like a puppy’s.

You forgot to mention that when Sunwoo had come back to school all grown up, he had really grown up. Taller, broader, his jawline suddenly appearing? It was hard to admit but he became… attractive rather than the cute, scrawny boy from before.

You were enamored, the thought of taking pictures of Eric completely abandoning your mind. You knew that Sunwoo was a very skilled soccer player, which was why he was always moving. Stretching his legs, rolling his neck, blah, blah.

“If you would just stay still…” You mumbled, only managing to take horribly blurry pictures. And suddenly, he paused. “Aha,” You breathed out with excitement. “Stay there.”

But just as you were about to click the button, he was looking up at you, with a confused pout. And then it turned into a growing smirk.

You inhaled sharply, pulling the camera away from your face, your cheeks burning.

“Oh my god,” You panicked and shut your eyes in hopes that this was all a dream. When you peeked one eye open, he was still staring up at you. You simply wanted to crawl into a hole.

And you could have just stood up and left. But poor, poor you. Oblivious you. You decided to wave. Wave at him.

Sunwoo widened his eyes slightly. And then he waved back, giving you a small smile. Even from so far away, you could see the twinkle in his eye.

—

Practice had finally ended which meant that you could finally escape the heat of sitting on the bleachers. You bounded down the stairs to meet up with Eric.

“Tell me! He eagerly jogged up to you with an excited smile. “Did you get any good pictures? Ones that will make people fall in love with me?”

You winced. “I think I did?”

“Great! Let me see–” He reached forward to grab your camera. Normally, you would let him, but this was different. You couldn’t risk him seeing all the pictures that you had taken of Sunwoo.

“No!” You blurted out. “I have to edit them. Some of them aren’t–”

“Eric?” Sunwoo walked up to the two of you, a knowing smile on his lips. Even while sweaty, he still glowed under the setting sun. It was quite unfair actually.

You gulped. “What?”

He raised an eyebrow, motioning to your camera. “Are they all pictures of Eric?”

You bit your lip, glancing down at the floor. “Of course. Why wouldn’t they be?”

Sunwoo only smiled wider. “Could’ve sworn you were focusing on someone else.”

“You’re imagining things, Sunwoo.” You glared.

Eric gasped. “You were taking pictures of someone else? Who?”

You shook your head, whining and holding the camera desperately out of reach. “I did not! Leave me alone.”

Eric laughed louder. “Never. Not as long as you’re with me.” He surged forward, pulling you into a tight hug as he pressed a loud kiss to the top of your head.

“Eric,” You giggled shoving him away. Except, he only prevailed, holding you closer. Physical touch has always been your guys’ thing. Neither of you complained. That was just what best friends do.

“You will accept my kisses.” He glowered.

“Fine, fin—“ Your eyes met Sunwoo’s. He was staring at the two of you with an incomprehensible expression. Your eyes traveled down and you could see how oddly stiff his shoulders were.

You cleared your throat nervously and pushed Eric off, making him grumble sulkily.

“Can you go ahead without me?” You turned to your best friend. “I have to ask Sunwoo something.”

“Sunwoo? Why would you— ow.” He winced when you pinched him on the shoulder. With a pout, he walked away.

Eric was aware that you knew Sunwoo from way before. You both were best friends after all, meeting just a few years ago. No secrets were to be kept. Well… except for the fact that you think Sunwoo is cute. But that’s different.

You turned to Sunwoo with an embarrassed frown. “If you could just forget that all happened, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“That you were secretly taking pictures of me?” Sunwoo tilted his head innocently.

Immediately, a blush rose to your cheeks. “I was not.”

“Show me then.” He glanced at the camera around your neck. You hesitated but with a sigh you turned it on. Sunwoo approached you and you could even hear his breathing. You let out a shaky exhale, willing your heartbeat to calm down.

You clicked through the pictures, praying that they would all be of Eric. But to no avail, the very next picture was of Sunwoo, kicking the ball.

He hummed, looking at you with a mischievous smile.

“That looks like me.”

You stuttered, at a loss for words. He only continued to stare back, his eyes gleaming.

“Fine!” You blurted out. “It is you. But please.” You squeezed your eyes shut, hanging your head low. “This is embarrassing,” You mumbled quietly.

“Why?” You could practically hear his smirk. Then, a finger was under your chin, pulling you up to face him. You gasped quietly, trying to look anywhere but at him. He only leaned closer. “I think it’s cute,” He whispered. “After all these years, I have a secret admirer. And it’s you.”

“I am not!” You sputtered, blushing profusely. “Last time I remember, you stole my favorite crayon.”

“You’re still on that?” He pouted.

“Yes, in fact. I very much am,” You stubbornly huffed.

He pulled away finally but he was still smiling. “You do know I was doing all that to get your attention right?”

You froze. “What?”

“We were never enemies. At least I thought we weren’t,” He mumbled as he quickly turned away. If you stepped forward any further you could see that his ears turned red.

“Sunwoo?”

He only walked faster.

—

“What are the chances that we all get paired up together?” Eric happily plopped down on the desk in front of where you and Sunwoo were sitting together.

“Great,” Sunwoo huffed. “It was supposed to be me and Y/n. You just happened to show up late.”

“Aw,” Eric cooed playfully. “Don’t be so jealous.”

“I’m not,” He mumbled. Surprised, you turned to him, only to see his flushed cheeks as he avoided your gaze.

You giggled to yourself as you picked up the paper you were assigned.

“Exploring each other’s hobbies. A way to expand a person’s interests and grow a connection to the other.” You read with a bored voice. “Each person will teach the other their hobby and— This feels like the school talent show all over again.”

Sunwoo laughed. “Remember when I tripped you during your cute little dance routine?”

“Yes,” You groaned. “I was literally about to cry by the way.”

Eric watched your interaction with a growing smile. It was his time to play cupid.

“Did I hear that right?” He spoke up with a grin.

“Hm?”

“Cute. Cute?” He turned to Sunwoo. “Are you flirting with my best friend right now?”

Sunwoo immediately sputtered. “No. I was not. I actually thought it was stupid and dumb.”

You gazed at him with a small smile. “You thought my silly dance was cute?”

He grumbled, flopping down to hide his face in his arms. “I— I didn’t. Not at all.”

Suddenly, the teacher came around and she poked Sunwoo in the shoulder.

“No sleeping in class, young man. And you two should start working.”

You sighed, turning back to the paper.

“As I was saying before someone brought back bad memories.” You glared at Sunwoo who’s cheeks were still tinted red. “We’re supposed to try each other’s hobbies and write a few sentences on what we think about it.”

“Easy,” Eric replied. “What hobbies are we doing?”

“Photography.” You smiled giddily.

“Soccer,” Sunwoo said.

“But I already know how to play,” Eric whined. “Oh, but Y/n doesn’t.” He gasped. “You’re going to be a great soccer player,” He joked as he took your hand in his. He intertwined your fingers with his with an excited smile.

You laughed, turning to Sunwoo only to see that he was staring directly at your connected hands, a small frown on his face.

“Enough of this,” He muttered grumpily, reaching forward to grab both yours and Eric’s wrists, pulling them apart. His warm hand lingered on yours for a second, making you inhale sharply.

“What about you?” You choked out, turning away to hide your blush. “Eric.”

“Me?” He said. He gave a sly smile. “It’s a surprise.”

—

“You walk awfully fast.”

You heard a voice call out from behind you. Classes had ended which meant the usual routine of you heading home.

Turning around, you were met with the sight of Sunwoo running towards you, bag slung over his shoulder. His hair was slightly wavy, reminding you of a poodle.

“Sunwoo,” You breathed out. “What are you doing here?”

He gave you a quirked-up smile.

“Am I not allowed to walk you home?”

You laughed. “It’s a short walk, I’m okay.”

He shook his head, beginning to walk side-by-side with you. It was a comfortable silence with him occasionally taking soft glances at you.

“So,” He spoke up. “You and Eric.” You looked at him, noticing a nervous expression flit across his face.

“What about him?”

He frowned. “How long have you known him for?”

“Mmm…” You thought for a second. “About three years.”

A relieved look replaced his anxious one. “So you’ve known me longer.”

“Well…” You eyed him skeptically. “We were young kids and you did disappear for a good while. And came back really tall all of a sudden.” You nudged his shoulder with a smile. “Didn’t think you would be one of the taller ones.”

“Hey." He scowled. “What do you take me for? Of course I would be tall.” He puffed his chest out, making you laugh dearly.

But then, his expression softened as he looked at you with a sort of longing in his eyes.

“But, I’m sorry,” He whispered. “For disappearing like that. I didn’t want to move away but—“

“It’s okay,” You reassured him. “I mean, for what it’s worth…” You trailed off when you realized just how intently he was gazing at you. But still, you kept up the eye contact no matter how warm your cheeks felt. “I did miss you. When you were gone.”

Sunwoo’s eyebrows rose as he stared at you almost like he was in disbelief. But then, it contorted into a teasing look.

“You missed me?” His laugh was deep. “Tell me, are you in love with me or something?”

Heat rose to your cheeks rapidly. “I was trying to be genuine and nice!” You huffed. “Fine, I'll take it back. I didn’t miss you at all.”

“Don’t be like that,” He teased further.

You grumbled, stubbornly turning away.

“Look at me.” He tapped your shoulder. When you did, you noticed that his coy smile was gone, now replaced with a shy, timid one. “And for what it’s worth,” He mumbled, copying your previous words. “I missed you too.”

“See!” You exclaimed, trying to hide the smile that threatened to widen on your lips. “Was that so hard to say?”

“Definitely. Took all of my courage actually,” He joked, giving you a charming tilt of his lips.

You snorted. Something glinted in the corner of your eye and your smile fell briefly.

“Is that…” You pointed at the keychain that hung on his bag. It was a small plastic cat, dirty and chipped, almost like he had gotten it years ago.

He widened his eyes, his hand shooting out to cover it from your sight.

“It’s nothing.”

Your mouth dropped.

“Take it.” You had shoved a cat keychain in his hand. “Since you’re moving away and all… you should have this.”

Young Sunwoo had frowned at you. “I don’t want it. It’s ugly.”

But he still took it from you anyway.

You had assumed he was going to throw it out or give it away but here it was, hanging on his bag.

“Oh my god, Sunwoo,” You whispered in utter shock. “You kept it for so long?”

He shut his eyes, wincing from mortification. “It— it was too hideous to throw out.”

“Sure.” You smirked. “Then tell me, Sunwoo. Are you in love with me or something?”

And for some odd reason, he never answered the question.

–

“Photography is all about capturing the moment in it’s best,” You explained. “As long as you do so, then it doesn’t matter if your camera is absolute shit.” You snickered, glancing at Eric with his camera that was basically holding on for dear life. It was battered and dusty as he had claimed that he found it in his attic.

Eric pouted. “I tried to find a better one,” He cried.

Sunwoo laughed to himself. He didn’t have a camera, so he was borrowing yours. Something about the way he gently handled it put a funny feeling in your heart that you couldn’t quite comprehend.

The three of you had agreed to meet at a park, where it was likely to find subjects to take pictures of. Pretty flowers and the like.

“Using a camera is self-explanatory, but it’s the focusing that people need to work on,” You said. “But, I like to think that it comes naturally, as long as they choose something beautiful in their eyes to take a picture of.”

The two of them stared at you blankly, like obedient puppies who wanted a treat. You groaned, frustrated.

“So go,” You urged them. “Capture what’s beautiful to you.”

“Oh right!” Eric shot up, running over to a bed of flowers. You followed him and you helped him focus on a specific pink one.

“You’re supposed to– twist it so that it–”

“I got it!” Eric looked at you determined. “You may be my best friend but you’re a pretty bad teacher.”

You whined, pulling away. “That’s harsh coming from someone who has a camera that’s literally unable to focus at all.”

“Oh.” His mouth dropped open. “Is that why it doesn’t work?”

You snorted. “No. Your camera isn’t even turned on.”

“Shut up.” He scowled.

You laughed, turning around. That was when you saw Sunwoo, standing from a distance. He had the camera brought up to his face. Underneath, you could see a small smile on his lips.

But the thing is, he was pointing the camera straight at you.

Your past words rang through your ears. You felt your breath be completely taken away at the realization. Sunwoo seemed to be unfazed as he only zoomed closer on you.

Clearing your throat, you walked up to him.

“Me?” Your hand came up to the camera, pushing it down so that his kind eyes met yours.

He nodded, stepping closer so that he was only inches away from your face. You could feel your heart beat all throughout your limbs as your breath was caught in your throat. His hand came up to the side of your face and you felt something being tucked behind your ear.

You furrowed your eyebrows and touched it. It was a small, white flower.

“Sunwoo?” You breathed out, your voice shaky.

“You said to capture what’s beautiful to me,” He answered. You couldn’t even bring yourself to reply as he stepped backward, brought the camera up to his eye, and took a picture of you. You were sure you looked like a deer in headlights. A deer with a flower tucked behind its ear.

“You…” Your mouth went dry as you looked down at your shoes like they were the most interesting thing. “I don’t know what to say.”

Sunwoo smiled. He took the camera off his neck and handed it to you.

“Just know that I think you’re the most beautiful,” He whispered. He walked away as soon as he noticed Eric coming towards you.

Your mouth gaped open yet no sound came out. You turned the camera on and looked through the pictures. There were no photos of flowers or butterflies. They were all of you either talking to Eric or walking toward Sunwoo. And the last photo was what made your legs go weak. The one with the flower behind your ear.

“Woah, you look so nice in that picture!” Eric stated, peering from behind you.

You had forgotten to mention that what the photographer captures, is what they truly see in their eyes.

(Photography seems fun. Though it isn’t something I would pursue, I did learn to take pictures of lovely things. Or people. There’s one person in particular. - Sunwoo)

“Soccer isn’t just about kicking the ball.” Eric walked across the field, his chin held up high like their coach always did. “It’s about– uh…”

You tilted your head in confusion.

“Nevermind, it really is just about kicking the ball,” He muttered, his cheeks flushing. Sunwoo snorted, taking the ball from him.

“We’re just going to kick the ball at the goal over there.” He pointed out.

You nodded. “See? Eric, Sunwoo’s a much better teacher already.” Without thinking, you grabbed Sunwoo’s arm, pulling him closer. You didn’t notice him begin to blush profusely.

“No, no.” Eric shook his head. “I’ll teach you how to kick the ball properly.”

You sighed. “Fine. Prove yourself.”

“I will!” Eric stuck his tongue out at you. You let go of Sunwoo so that Eric could walk behind you. He rested his hands on your shoulders, tilting your body slightly. “When you kick the ball, you don’t use the tip of your shoe. You use the–”

The both of you were interrupted by Sunwoo clearing his throat. He was practically glaring daggers at Eric, his eyebrow raised.

“Let me teach.”

Your breath hitched and you turned to Eric. He seemed to be completely unbothered though. Instead, there was a knowing smile on his lips as he looked at Sunwoo, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Okay,” He jested. “Go ahead.”

He easily backed off, bewildering you. You stared after him about to say something but he cut you off again.

“Your boyfriend is a really jealous person,” He remarked, cackling as he walked off to kick the ball around for himself.

You squeaked. “He’s not–”

You inhaled sharply when you noticed that Sunwoo was already standing behind you.

“Pay attention,” He whispered, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

“Oh,” You breathed out shakily. “Okay.”

You could hear him huff out a subtle laugh as he brought the soccer ball closer to your foot. Did the weather change? You wondered why it was starting to feel so warm.

It got much, much hotter when you registered the feeling of a large hand resting on your waist. He gently shifted you so that you were at an angle. You took in a deep breath.

“At an angle,” He explained. “Use the inner side of your foot to kick the ball.”

You looked up at him. He was gazing back at you, his eyes soft on yours. With a shaky exhale, you turned back to face the goal. And then you kicked the ball. You watched as it traveled barely a short distance before stopping right behind the goal line.

“I hate this,” You cried.

Sunwoo laughed, his deep voice alluring. “You did alright.”

“Better than that one time you fell flat on your face in kindergarten,” You snapped.

He pouted. “You remember that?”

You snickered. “Of course I do. That was the first time we met.”

“Yes, and you–”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Eric appeared out of nowhere, balancing the soccer ball on top of his shoe. “You what?” He watched the both of you intently.

You blushed, and shoved Sunwoo away after realizing just how close he was to you. “Nothing! I did nothing.”

“Are you okay?” You called out after realizing a boy had fallen on his face.

“I’m fine,” He had sniffled.

“Here, let me help you.” You beamed. You sat beside him for the next few minutes, putting bandages on his scratched knees.

“Thank you,” He whispered.

Yeah, definitely childhood enemies.

Sunwoo smirked as he looked at you. “You’re still the same to this day, you know,” He replied.

“How so?”

“You like to take care of me.”

“I don’t,” You grumbled.

“Oh, so what was that water bottle doing right next to my locker when I said that I was thirsty?” He grinned.

You slapped a hand over his mouth urgently. “How did you know it was me?”

“On the piece of paper next to it. You still have similar handwriting from what I remember.” He winked.

(Sunwoo is a great teacher. But also a little excessive. Waist grabbing to teach how to kick? Someone’s awfully whipped. - Eric)

–

“Tell me I look good,” Eric pleaded. He began to practically hyperventilate, severely worrying you.

You set your hands on each of his shoulders.

“You look great. Very handsome.”

Eric whined. “Do you really mean it?”

“Mhm,” You nodded with a smile. “Now go. This is your first date, you can’t mess it up.”

He nodded, determined.

“Okay. I’ll text you after, okay?”

You smiled and waved goodbye. As he was walking out of the school grounds, he turned back around.

“I look good right?” He hollered again, cupping his hands around his mouth.

“You look hot!” You yelled back, waving and jumping up and down, causing Eric to double in laughter.

Once he was out of sight, you turned around, only to see Sunwoo sitting at a bench reading a book. You raised your eyebrows and went to take a seat next to him.

“You hate reading,” You finally said after a few moments of silence.

“Oh do I?” He looked up at you.

“Yes. Unless you’re a changed man?”

“Definitely,” He dully remarked, turning back to his book. You studied him oddly. Something about his tone threw you off. It lacked emotion, almost like he was upset.

“…Sunwoo?” You leaned closer so that he would look at you.

“What?” He glanced at you briefly before gulping and turning back to his book. You could tell he wasn't reading a single word.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” He replied. Yet there wasn't even a hint of a smile on his face.

“Are you sure? You can tell me.”

He shut the book harshly before turning to you.

“I mean, if you’re going to call him handsome and…” He paused. “Hot. You might as well date him.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What? Eric?”

“Yes, Eric,” He huffed grumpily.

You stared in utter disbelief. This was… different. He was looking back at you intently while being adorably frustrated. There was a crease between his eyebrows and a cute pout on his lips. Slowly, your frown began to grow into an endearing smile.

“Sunwoo,” You giggled. You took the book away, placing it down. Your hand wrapped around his, pulling it into his lap.

“What’re you doing?” He asked gruffly. You could hear the shakiness in his voice.

“Sunwoo,” You whispered. “Are you… jealous?”

“What? I’m not—“ He wrenched his hand away, his cheeks red. “I’m just annoyed that you call him handsome and all,” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. “You don’t do that for me.”

Your smile only widened as you looked at him knowingly. His shoulders squared and he cleared his throat awkwardly. Now his ears have turned red.

“I’m not jealous,” He insisted, frowning endearingly.

“If you’re so sure about it then I guess I won’t call you handsome then…” You sighed, biting back a smile as you stood up from the bench. Suddenly, a hand caught onto your wrist.

“Wait. Are you really?” He looked up at you with round eyes.

You shrugged. “It’s a pity since you’re so certain that you’re not jealous.”

“No!” He blurted out. When he realized his volume he blushed even more. “No. I— I guess I was a bit jealous…”

“And?” You laughed, sitting back down.

“And… can you call me handsome now?” He hung his head low.

You laughed even louder. “Yes.” You cupped his face in your hands. “You are so handsome.”

You could see him visibly struggle to conceal his smile.

“So handsome. So handsome I will faint,” You exaggerated.

“Ah…” He mumbled, grabbing hold of your hands and trying to escape your hold. “That one time was enough.”

You ignored him. “But you’re so handsome!”

“Okay,” He whined, blushing intensely. “I— I get it.”

–

“You never told us what your hobby is.” You frowned, sitting next to your best friend after practice had ended.

“Oh, right,” Eric replied. And then a smile grew on his face, slightly scaring you. “I’ll tell you first and then I’ll tell Sunwoo once he’s done.”

“Okay, what is it? You’re being awfully suspicious.”

He motioned you so that you would lean closer. He cupped his hands around your ear and whispered, “Dressing up.”

“Huh?” You pulled away in bewilderment, staring at him like he was the craziest man in the world. “Dressing up? Since when did you like to–”

“Shh,” He panicked, slapping a hand over your mouth. “Call it a guilty pleasure of mine.” He grinned.

You cringed. “Okay. So, what do you want us to do then?”

“Dress up?” He replied like it was the easiest thing ever. “Wear your fancy clothes or whatever. And then meet there.” He pointed at one of the goalposts. “Seven in the evening. Don’t be late.”

You groaned. “I don’t want to dress up though.”

“Trust me,” He pleaded. “It’ll be worth it.”

You sighed. “Fine, but only because we’re best friends.”

“Great!” He excitedly stood up. “See you there!”

“Mhm, all dressed up.” You rolled your eyes.

–

Just like he had requested, you stood under one of the soccer goalposts. The sky was orange, and the sun setting beautifully. And yes, you had attempted to dress up. You did your hair and everything, even wearing your nicer clothes. But, you didn’t enjoy standing there. All alone.

Maybe you were early, but there was no one else standing beside you. Sometimes you despised Eric for being so mysterious. You bit your lip nervously, pulling out your phone. You dialed Eric’s number and he picked up a few moments later.

“Eric? Where are you?”

“Oh, Y/n.” He laughed nervously. “About that… I uh– caught a cold.” He forced a cough out that was oddly suspicious. “So I can’t show up.”

“What?” You panicked. “So I did all this for nothing?”

“Don’t forget Sunwoo,” He sang. Before you could even reply, he had already hung up, leaving you stranded. You groaned, frustrated as you put your phone away.

You were just about to grab your things and go back home but that was when you caught a figure in the background. A very familiar figure.

“Sunwoo?” You tilted your head.

He came into view. He definitely didn’t get the memo of dressing up but he somehow still looked good. He had a hand behind his back, hiding something.

“Did you–”

“Oh wow,” He breathed out, stepping forward as he looked you over. He gave you a soft smile. “You look really… nice.”

Already, you could feel your legs transform into jelly.

“Thank you,” You whispered. “But did you also dress up?”

Sunwoo looked at you with confusion. “Dress… up?” He pulled his hand away, only to reveal a bouquet of flowers. It was beautiful, filled with colorful tulips and carnations. You gulped at the sight, gazing at him with shock.

“Sunwoo…” You uttered. “What is this?”

He pouted with puzzlement. “Did you not get flowers?”

You frowned. “...No. Eric told me that the thing was to dress up.”

“Huh.” He was deep in thought. “He told me that it was to make bouquets.”

“What?” And then it dawned on you. “Don’t tell me–”

He laughed, clutching the flowers to his chest. “This is a set-up.”

You snorted. “What’s the point of this? It looks almost like a love confession.”

He grew silent at that.

“Don’t tell me he noticed...” You heard him mutter to himself quietly.

You stepped closer. “Notice what?”

“Nothing.” He turned away.

“No, tell me.”

He sighed. “Well, I did make this for you,” He grumbled as he placed the flowers in your hand. You smiled as you observed how well it was made. The ribbon was tied neatly and the flowers were arranged beautifully.

“Thank you, Sunwoo.” Your eyes sparkled.

He blushed, turning away.

“And what do you mean by you making this for me specifically?” You widened your eyes.

“I found out that flowers have meanings so–” He pointed at the pink and red flowers. “The carnations and tulips both mean… love and affection.”

“Oh,” You dumbly replied. You laughed trying to ignore the pounding of your heart. “Are you in love with me or something?”

You had expected him to roll his eyes or deny it. But instead, he stayed quiet and looked at you with utmost sincerity, as if to silently tell you that,

Yes, I am.

You blinked, the flowers falling to your side.

“Sunwoo?”

“You have to listen to me first,” He said quietly. “I didn’t expect this to happen today but I guess Eric had other plans.”

You looked up at him softly. “For what to happen?”

“For me to tell you that…” He searched your eyes helplessly. “That I like you.”

You felt your whole world shift, almost making you drop the bouquet. “Wh–what?”

“I like you. A lot. And I have since all those years that we bickered as young kids. The reason why I teased you or stole your things was because I wanted you to pay attention to me. And I still tease you to this day because I like your cute reaction,” He rambled. “And I–”

“Don’t be nervous,” You whispered.

He sighed. “But you make me nervous.”

Your breath hitched, your grip on the bouquet tightening.

“You make me so nervous that I become a fool,” He said. “I’m supposed to be calm and collected but when I’m with you, I… I get jealous and anxious. And I feel like I look stupid all the time.”

You shook your head. “That’s not—“

“And,” He groaned, blushing even more than before. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something small that sat in the palm of his hand. “I still have this stupid crayon. Because I’m always thinking of you.”

You gaped at it, then looked back up at him. He no longer had the constant smug or teasing look, instead, it was replaced with an unsureness that made your eyes soften.

“Sunwoo.”

“I know,” He mumbled, looking away briefly. “This is sudden and I understand if you don’t like me back. I just needed to tell you at some point. It’s been years.”

“Years?” You whispered. You stepped closer after gently putting the flowers down. You placed a hand on the side of his face and you were pleasantly surprised to see him nuzzle into your touch. Oh, he was going to be the death of you. “After all this time?”

He nodded nervously.

And then you laughed. You just couldn’t help it. He frowned cutely at you, humming in confusion.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“No I—“ Your eyes crinkled with a smile. “I just can’t believe it. I thought we were enemies this whole time.”

He whined, “God no, I really liked you. I still do.”

“For me, back then…”

His eyes brightened. “You liked me back too?”

You winced. “Okay, not really.” You eyed him sheepishly. “I did actually despise you in elementary school.”

Sunwoo laughed lightheartedly.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you right now.”

“Well I would hope that you don’t hate m— what?” He swallowed thickly, studying your features with a mixture of disbelief and undying hope. “You like me?”

You nodded, your smile widening. “Why’re you so surprised?”

“Because I’m a complete loser.” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who said I don’t like this complete loser?” You teased, caressing his cheek with your thumb. “And besides, you’re not really. You’re cute and sweet.”

He choked.

“I like this side of you,” You continued.

“Which one?” He asked shyly.

“The one where you always look out for me.” You searched his eyes tenderly. “The one who always blocks me from getting hit by a soccer ball and the one who always checks up on me when I’m tired. That side of you.”

“Of course,” He answered softly, turning to press a small kiss to the palm of your hand, causing you to stutter over a breath. “It’s only natural.”

You grinned.

“Then it’s only natural that I do this then.” Before he could get a single word out, you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. You lingered there for a moment, trying to process your own mess of feelings, before pulling away with reddening cheeks.

His eyes were wide and his pupils were dilated as he gazed at you with so much admiration that you couldn’t help but shy away, pulling your hand with you.

And then he spoke again, a teasing lilt in his voice.

“You deserve a yellow card for that.”

You pouted. Soccer terms were the death of you. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” He chuckled. “It was foul play.”

You bit back a smile, looking at him shyly. “How so?”

You gasped when you felt two hands on your waist, pulling you in close and right up to his chest. His eyes had never once left yours after the kiss on his cheek. He only continued to gaze at you lovingly.

“You were supposed to kiss me on the lips.” He smiled softly.

“Oh.” You rolled your eyes. “Well I’m sorry, Mr. Referee that I—“

“Blah, blah.” He smirked. “Make it up to me then.”

“As a matter of fact,” You huffed, with fake annoyance. “I will.” Your hand came up to the back of his neck and you pulled him right against his lips, making him manage out a mmph noise. Butterflies immediately filled your stomach to its very brim when his hold on your waist tightened and he began to tilt his head to deepen the kiss.

Soon enough, he began to smile into it, even breathing out a husky laugh that only turned the butterflies in your stomach into literal cartwheels. When he pulled away eventually, he still lingered on your lips, pressing small pecks on them which made you giggle.

You could see clearly that he was in a daze with the way his eyes were blanked out and his cheeks were flushed adorably.

“I think I just scored the best goal in my life.”

You erupted with laughter at that, pulling him into a hug as you hid your face in the crook of his shoulder.

“When you like someone you become so cheesy,” You laughed. “It’s hilarious.”

“Specifically because I like you.” He pulled away, searching your face with fondness. “I can’t help it.”

He took your hand in his, bringing it up to his chest, right where his heartbeat was. You widened your eyes, but you also weren’t that surprised to find that his heart was pounding rapidly.

“See?” He frowned.

You giggled. “That’s so cute. You’re so cute.”

He struggled to contain a shy grin.

“You should have this back.” He placed the crayon in your hand. It was your favorite color and it sort of looked foolish in your hand, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. “Sorry for stealing it in the first place…”

You stared at it, feeling all the fond memories rush through your brain. You did contemplate keeping it, but instead, you threw it behind you, letting it land somewhere among the grass of the soccer field.

“What was that for?” He groaned.

“I only like you.” You giggled. “You’re my favorite now,” You joked. "A great kisser too."

You had expected Sunwoo to retort with a comeback or tease you like he usually did. But instead, he blushed. Maybe you broke him after that kiss.

“You can't just casually say that,” He said with a pout and a bothered huff. “That’s your second yellow card. Which technically means a red card.”

“And what’s that?” You smiled slyly.

“Penalty. So come kiss me again please.”

You rolled your eyes. Taking hold of his collar, you pulled him into another kiss in which he happily obliged with an adorable hum.

Walking back home together, it seemed that Sunwoo couldn't keep his lips off you.

"For the project, what grade do you think we'll ge- mm?" You were interrupted by his lips on yours once again. You stared at him, bewildered. "At least let me talk, Sunwoo."

He pressed another kiss to your lips. And then two more on each of your cheeks. And then one on your nose. You squeezed your eyes shut with mortification.

"No can do," He replied, smirking slightly. "You look too pretty for me not to kiss you. Like you do everyday."

You clutched the bouquet close to your heart. Oh, he was going to be the death of you.

(eric when i find u im going to kill u -Y/n)

(ahhh ur so scaryyyyyyy -Eric)

Grade: 95% (-5 points for bad grammar.)

–

“Eric!” You yelled, running toward him with one fist already raised. Your other hand was… preoccupied. With holding Sunwoo’s hand as he trailed after you like a lost puppy.

Eric snickered at the sight, even pulling out his phone to take a picture of you practically dragging your boyfriend along.

“Hey, at least give me the credit for getting you together!” He shouted back as you approached him. “I had to set it up. You both were getting frustrating.”

“We didn’t need your help.” You glared.

Eric raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sunwoo. “I don’t know. I could tell he was too shy to say anything, hence why I–” He pointed at himself proudly. “–had to come in. You should’ve seen how focused he was when making that bouquet. He is in love.”

“Are you?” You grinned, facing Sunwoo. His ears had tinted red, funnily enough.

He shrugged, trying to act completely normal. “Maybe, maybe not.” Yet he refused to look you in the eye.

You turned back to Eric, only to see him smiling knowingly. You laughed, already knowing what he was going to say. It seems that best friends share the same thoughts.

“He is so in love,” Eric whispered, cupping his hand around his mouth.

“Shut up,” Sunwoo grumbled. Yet he continued to gaze at you with heart eyes.

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