hello Terra ♡
new follower here (on Val's recommendation btw) discovering your works and enjoying them a lot so far!
can I request prompt 26 secret Santa gift exchange for the Survey Corps Vets? there's no way this would go smoothly with such a bunch of weirdos, right? you can include ships (I love them all) to pep up your story if you feel like it
thank you for taking prompts and happy holidays (*^‿^*)
Festive Fics
26: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
How Mike Stole Christmas (Canon Universe)
Characters: Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoe, Erwin Smith, Mike Zacharius, Nanaba, Moblit Berner
602 words
Mike seized the final scrap of paper lying inside a squat, cardboard box. Erwin placed the empty vessel on his desk before addressing the small group before him in the same formal tones that he used during every expedition briefing.
“And so concludes the drawing of names for this year’s Secret Santa. Now, just a few reminders with regards to the rules. 5000 yen spending limit. No items which include hazardous, corrosive or highly flammable matter. No conspiring to exchange names with one another.” At this he gave a pointed stare in Hange’s direction.
There came a derisive snort from the back of the group. Heads turned towards Mike Zacharius who glanced up triumphantly.
“Hey, Hange. Seeing as you’ve got me, don’t bother buying me a gift. Just swap outpost duty with me next weekend?”
Hange blinked; their eyes magnified alarmingly behind dark, square frames. “Huh? Surely your nose doesn’t possess that level of power, Mike… unless…”
“Well…” Mike strode with his hands clasped behind him and head thrown back so that his celebrated appendage was held proudly in the air. “...not only do I know that you do indeed have me Hange, but I’ve also figured out who everyone else has too…”
Stopping abruptly, Mike gave a sudden nod of his head.
“Levi didn’t put in a name or take one out. He doesn’t want to participate.”
Levi scowled at him.
“Never do. How’d you figure that much out?”
“I got a whiff of ink and paper from everyone here… apart from you.” Mike’s nostrils flared. “Standing next to you, all I smell is deception.”
“Meanwhile, Hange’s expression was just like the first time they saw Levi using ODM gear.” Mike paused to inhale deeply. “The air is thick with awe and… pheromones.”
Beneath their misted frames, Hange’s face glowed pink. “Why thank you.”
“...but that’s just because you slipped Levi’s name in the box when he wasn’t looking and you’re excited to see who picked it.”
Levi closed his eyes in frustration. Mike continued his course, hesitating to sniff the air beside Moblit’s ear. Hange’s subordinate gave a visible shudder.
“Increased perspiration, panic and dread. You could cut the air with it,” Mike concluded. “Moblit pulled Levi’s name. Erwin drew Moblit…”
The Survey Corps Commander regarded Mike coolly. “I thought I kept a remarkably impassive expression and maintained my body temperature throughout the whole ordeal.”
“But you can’t fool me.” Mike tipped his finger from his forehead towards Erwin. “I saw you mouthing ‘Moblit Brenner…?’ with obvious confusion.”
Moblit sighed. “It’s Berner. Sir, I’ve served alongside you for the past five-”
“And, lastly, I caught Nanaba’s clean, refreshing aroma of relief,” Mike cut across him. “She eyed up Hange’s frog crocs immediately after she picked their name. Nanaba’s been dying for an excuse to buy them a new pair. Those old things are falling apart so badly, they’re more hole than shoe by this point.”
“B-but they’re comfy!”
“And I drew Nanaba.” Mike waved his own slip of paper. “That’s why I need next weekend off. I’ve booked a little place outside the district…” He offered her a wink.
“So Mike single-handedly sank the whole thing?” Levi’s brows were contracted in disbelief.
“So, I didn’t get picked at all?” Erwin gasped faintly. “Hange, how could you just throw my slip out…?”
“Let’s punish him.” A glint of light flashed dangerously where it caught on Hange’s glasses. “Shall we draw the names again and leave Mike out this time?”
“Wait, wait - ” Mike’s voice caught in his throat. “You can’t blame me! Blame my nose - it’s both a gift and a curse!”
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it really popped me that after jungle jack fucked around, taz was fuming on commentary. he even took his sunglasses off. on CAMERA. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. and he LEFT after!! tony came out to fill in! mans was fully backstage on a phone call cashing in a favor to have a soldato break bro's legs. jack perry is gonna need to sleep with one eye open 👁️ best not show his face around brooklyn either, you know its on sight now
WHATTT 😭😭 i didn’t see this. all i heard was taz fuming on commentary and being absolutely baffled. but LEAVING ?? ohhhhh
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Howdy: Motorcycles are death machines. I have thirty brothers, thirty sisters, ninety cousins. I'm not risking it!
Frank: Are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative child-centric ideals?
Howdy: Are you really playing the gay card right now?!
Frank: Yas queen. *snaps his fingers before sauntering out*
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