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alinastracker · 3 years

Note

hello my dear bonnie, if you're still taking prompts, can i suggest #47 👀 ?

LOVE THIS PROMPT!!! here you go my love<3

prompt: you’re casually seeing my roommate and think they’re in the shower when you strip down to join me and we end up screaming and my roommate thinks it’s the funniest thing and tries to set us up on a date

yikes at this going from a quick lil ficlet to 6.7k oof

would it be okay if i came home to you (explicit) (ao3)

Alina steps into the shower, wondering how the hell she ended up rooming with Zoya to begin with.

Don't get her wrong, she loves Zoya. But her raven-haired friend can be difficult, and she was supposed to have buffer. Originally, it was going to be her, Zoya, and Genya living together, until Genya backed out last minute to move in with her boyfriend David instead.

"I'm so sorry, but it just makes sense," Genya said to them over lunch one afternoon. "Besides, if things go how I think they will, you two will be on the same path that I'm on soon enough."

Zoya scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Alina had the same question, considering both of them were hopelessly single.

Genya just sipped her tea and said in a sing-song voice, "You'll see."

At first, living with Zoya was fine. They agreed easily on most apartment related things; splitting up chores, rules about not touching each other's food, a timely heads up before having friends or potential sexual partners over. Zoya could get nit picky about a few things, like the lecture she'd given her on the proper position of the toilet paper roll. It goes over, Starkov, understand? Under is for heathens and natural selection is coming for them. But otherwise, things had been fine.

Until Mal.

He was a part of the friend circle she had surrounded herself with since freshman year. But there was something about Mal that had drawn her to him in a way that was different from the rest of the group — different from anyone else she had ever met. He was like a drug, a magnet, the missing link that had her saying, where have you been my whole life, when you're meant to be here beside me? So quickly he had become her closet friend, and as much as their group liked to tease them, they both denied feeling anything beyond fierce friendship.

But Alina was such a liar.

Which makes it her own fault, really, for ending up in this situation. Zoya could, quite frankly, be a bitch — but she wouldn't have gone after Mal if Alina had just owned up to her feelings.

Though she really could have told her about it sooner.

Alina had been studying in the living room one night when a knock at the door startled her. Zoya hadn't mentioned having company, and neither of them had ordered food. Hesitantly, she rose and stood on her tiptoes to peek through the peephole. Then her face lit up, and she swung the door open. "Mal!"

Saints, he looked good. He appeared freshly showered, dressed in a silky green shirt and dark jeans. He had actually put effort into his hair for once, and he had a small gold hoop earring in his left ear.

"Hey, Lina," he said, something a little off with the smile he gave her. As he passed by to come inside, she could smell expensive cologne.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, butterflies in her stomach. Her head was already filling with wild fantasies. He wanted to surprise her, so he showed up without notice. He put effort into how he looked, because he wanted to impress her. He was going to reveal his true feelings for her, and she would revel in the fact that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Instead, Zoya entered the room and said, "He's here for me."

Mal had the decency to flush and offer a sheepish shrug. "I'm gonna grab some water," he said, and scuttled off to the kitchen. Of course, Mal had been here plenty of times before. He knew where everything was.

Alina had barely heard him though, Zoya's words repeating on a loop in her head. He's here for me. She knew what this meant, even as her mind tried to deny it. The room was spinning and she couldn't quite steady herself, like something had broken inside of her.

She swallowed, and as calmly as possible, said, "What happened to the heads up rule?"

Zoya arched a brow. "I texted you two hours ago."

Alina frowned and pulled out her phone. Sure enough, there was a text from Zoya. Got a guy coming over in a couple hours. She must have missed it, lost in her studies. But still, something in the text ignited anger in her chest.

"You could have said the guy was Mal."

Zoya shrugged, so frustratingly nonchalant. "What does it matter?"

It matters because I am so hopelessly in love with him, and you're supposed to be my friend, and now I have to blast music so I don't hear the sounds of you two fucking, she thought.

"He's my best friend," she said. "It's just a little weird, I guess."

"Don't worry, Starkov," Zoya said, turning toward the kitchen, probably to grab Mal so they could get the night started. "It won't affect anything between you two."

Alina waited until the two of them were tucked away in Zoya's room. Then she pulled on her old running shoes and slipped out — there was just no way she could be here, knowing what was happening in the room across from her own.

She ran with no destination in mind, pumping her little legs as hard as they could go, music pounding from her headphones. When she became too tired to go further, she checked her surroundings and sighed. Of course, her feet took her to one of her favorite places in the city.

It's not anything, really. A quiet street with an old abandoned building at the end of it. But on the building's brick wall is one of her favorite pieces of art. A mural of the sun, complex in its simplicity, using colors she had never seen used to express the sun before, yet perfectly capturing the feeling of a warm sunny day.

Alina leaned against the wall, slid down until she was sitting on the old, cracked sidewalk. Only then did she realize that she was crying. Turning off her music, she called Genya, and told her everything.

"You have to talk to Zoya," Genya said.

"No!" she said quickly. "I don't want her to feel bad. It's not her fault. And if Mal likes her — well, it's not like he's shown any interest in me. I'm not going to get in their way."

"Alina," Genya sighed.

"It's fine," she promised. "I just—" A sob escaped her throat, the pain overshadowing any coherent thought. It was not fine.

"Send me your location," Genya said, and Alina did.

She spent the night at Genya and David's that night, David promising he was more than okay with taking the couch so her and Genya could have the bed. Which was needed, because Alina had a lot more crying to do.

"Just don't tell Zoya," she said.

"Alina, I don't know."

"Promise, Genya. Please."

Finally, Genya sighed. "All right."

That was four months ago. Zoya had told her it wouldn't affect her close bond with Mal, but it had. Alina never invites Mal over anymore, too afraid that he'll come to watch a movie, sit on the couch beside her — much closer than most friends sit. They would point out everything terrible about it, because they loved to watch bad films together as they stuffed their faces with popcorn. Then the movie would end and Mal would say goodnight, but instead of leaving, he'd go to Zoya's room, and the popcorn they ate would sour in her stomach.

There were so many little changes, too. Like when they hung out as a group, and suddenly Alina was questioning every move she made around him. Was it still okay to playfully ruffle his hair, to sit close enough that their shoulders pressed together, to look at him like he personally hung the sun and the moon in the sky, all while Zoya was there to see? Was it wrong to look at his lips and fantasize about how they would feel against her own, pressed to her collarbone, sucking her most sensitive spots? Zoya and Mal were a casual thing, they had both said so. But still, the natural intimacy her friendship with Mal had built for the past two years suddenly felt wrong, and she hated it.

Needless to say, Alina has been looking into new rooming possibilities for next year. She can't do this anymore. Every time Mal comes over, she waits for them to lock themselves away in Zoya's room, and then she leaves. She runs to her sun, sometimes just sitting and letting her sad song playlist make her sadder, sometimes bringing her sketchbook to at least make art out of the pain.

But tonight she has a very rare opportunity — the apartment to herself. Only for a couple hours, but still. She has spent most of the time so far blaring music, and her neighbors probably hate her, but damn it, they can deal with it for a night.

She lets the music play as she takes a much needed shower. Sure, she could have gone the bath route, but she doesn't want to waste all her time getting clean. Alina has decided her hours alone should end with a much needed date with her vibrator and an Owen Gray video that she's going to watch without headphones.

Olivia Rodrigo's Brutal is pounding from her speaker, and though Alina's twenty-one, not seventeen, the lyrics hit all the same. She's so into the music, thinking about her life for the past four months, thinking about moving as soon as she possibly can, thinking yeah, it really is fucking brutal out here, that she does not notice the telltale signs of someone entering her apartment, and even more worrisome, someone entering the bathroom. Not until it's too late.

"Thought you were too cool for Olivia Rodrigo," a very male voice says, and then the shower curtain opens.

Screams fill the air from both of them. Alina's already holding her conditioner bottle, and on instinct, hurls it at the man's chest while her other hand reaches for her razor.

"Oi!"

Only then does her mind register that it's not a strange man come to sexually assault her, it's Mal. Her best friend. Her roommate's casual lover slash fuck buddy slash whatever. It's Mal, completely naked before her. She gets a quick glimpse of his cock, half-hard, before he curses and turns around.

It doesn't help that his backside is just as nice to look at. He's well toned, muscles flexing as he reaches to grab the clothes he must have just discarded. He bends, giving her the most sinful view of his ass, and Saints, her mind goes wild. She pictures him turning back around and pushing her against the wall, slamming inside of her. As he fucks her, she would reach around and grab that delicious ass of his, dig her fingers into the plump skin, and leave little half-moon indents.

Mal is apologizing over and over again — "I thought you were Zoya!" — as he gathers up his clothes and makes a beeline for the door. Alina finally snaps out of her filthy fantasy and slides the shower curtain closed with a shaky hand. She leans back against the tiled wall, breathing hard. Her heart is pounding like never before.

The song is winding down. Olivia is crooning, God I don't even know where to start.

Neither does Alina.

By the time she musters the courage to finish her shower and leave the bathroom, her robe clutched tightly around her, there’s no sign of Mal in the apartment. Zoya isn’t back yet, either.

With a sigh of relief, she flops onto her bed. Her previous plans were out the window now. Taking a breath, she goes over the facts in her head.

One: Mal has now seen her completely naked.

Two: she has now seen Mal completely naked.

It was the wrong thing to think about, because now she’s picturing the smooth expanse of his skin, his perfectly tight ass, and the quick glimpse she had gotten of his—

Heat pools between her thighs. She’s positively aching, when she should be feeling horrified. She should absolutely not be reaching for her vibrator as she lets the images of Mal’s naked body settle in her mind. It’s wrong, because Mal is, at least somewhat, Zoya’s, and Zoya is her friend. Besides, it was Zoya that he had come looking for, Zoya that he wanted to fuck against the shower wall.

But Alina does grab her vibrator, and as it buzzes her to multiple releases, she imagines Mal shoving her against the wall, pressing kisses to her neck, fucking her like it’s his sole reason for existing. Fucking her like she’s his, and he’s hers.

She doesn’t see Zoya until the next morning, passing out sometime after orgasm number three. Saints, if the memory of Mal’s bare skin had been enough to keep her going for three rounds, she wasn’t sure she could even handle actually being with him.

When she walks into the kitchen, Zoya is sitting at their tiny excuse for a table. “Good morning,” Alina says as naturally as possible.

Zoya only says, “Sit down, Starkov.”

It’s unnerving, how quickly can could take over her entire body. Saying nothing, still going for casual, Alina sits across from her. “What’s up?”

“That’s my question, actually.” Zoya arches a brow. “What happened with you and Mal last night?”

Shit, shit, shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do. I know he stopped by before I got home. When I asked why he left, he got all weird and said something came up with Dubrov. But I know that’s a lie, because Dubrov was happily posting drunken stories last night. So obviously something happened when he was over.” Zoya sits back in her chair and stares her down, making her insides twist. “And since I don’t live with him, the only person I have to grill is you. So get talking.”

Alina sighs, knowing she isn’t strong enough to deny Zoya when she’s like this, and babbles out the story. Really, it wasn’t her fault. Mal was the one that walked in on her. It was just incredibly embarrassing for both of them.

When she finishes, Zoya lets the information sink in, and then she laughs, harder than Alina has ever seen her laugh.

“Well I’m so glad this is funny to you,” she huffs, arms crossed over her chest.

“It is! I can only imagine your faces, shit.” Zoya wipes at her eyes. “Too bad you already know each other, that would make for one hell of a meet cute.” She pauses and says, “Well, it still could be your origin.”

Alina frowns. “Our origin?”

“You know, if you guys dated.”

She momentarily loses her breath. “What? No, you guys are a thing.”

Zoya rolls her eyes. “We’re fucking, Alina, that’s it. And actually, I was planning on cutting it off after last night.” She stands and pours herself what is at least her second up of coffee. “There’s someone else I’m interested in.”

“Someone else? Who?” Zoya says nothing. Alina pops up as it comes to her. “Oh! It’s that rich blond guy from the bar, isn’t it? The one that transferred here this semester. Nikolai or something, right?”

The tiniest blush spreads on Zoya’s face, and Alina squeals. “It is him! Saints, he’s attractive.”

“Yes, he is,” Zoya snaps. “And not bad for conversation, either.”

“Conversation?” She grins. “Why, Miss Nazyalensky, do you actually have feelings for this guy?”

Zoya scowls. “Shut it, Starkov.”

“Oh, you totally have feelings for him!”

“Keep it up and you will pay for this. I’m devising a plan as we speak.”

Alina just laughs. “Okay, Mrs. Whatever Nikolai’s Last Name Is.”

Under her breath, Zoya mutters, “Lantsov,” and stalks off with her coffee as Alina laughs harder.

Zoya, apparently, hadn’t been kidding when she said she was devising a plan.

When the weekend rolls around once again and Zoya texts the group chat they have with Genya about getting lunch, Alina jumps at the idea. She missed Genya, and it had been a hell of a week between juggling exams and thinking about her encounter with Mal. They haven’t spoken at all, and she had used her classes as an excuse to get out of any hang outs where he might show up.

Zoya’s words from the morning after had been on her mind a lot, too. It still could be your origin. Could it? Was Mal even interested in her — and would he even want to try, after he’d had something with Zoya, or would it just be inevitably awkward?

Alina approaches the restaurant and sucks in a breath. She’s decided to finally tell Zoya about how she’s had feelings for Mal all this time, and maybe with her and Genya, the three of them can come up with what the hell Alina should do next.

Zoya had texted five minutes ago saying she grabbed them a table in the restaurant’s outdoor patio, so she makes her way there. Only it’s not Zoya or even Genya waiting for her.

It’s Mal.

He looks just as surprised to see her as she is to see him, and for a moment, she believes it really is some crazy coincidence.

“Alina,” he says, standing. Neither of them can quite meet the other’s eye. “What are you doing here?”

Her hand is doing some nervous twitchy thing at her side, so she shoves it into the pocket of her dress. “I’m supposed to be meeting Zoya and Genya.”

Mal curses under his breath. “I’m supposed to be meeting Zoya, too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Shaking her head and feeling incredibly stupid, Alina takes out her phone and fires off a text to Zoya, WHAT THE HELL????

The next message she receives comes from Zoya — only not in the text chat between the two of them, but rather a newly created group chat with the two of them and Mal.

consider this the official end to our fuck-mance, oretsev. yalls little bathroom flash show was the perfect opportunity for a new beginning, because yes, i see the doe eyes you give alina when she’s not looking. you too, starkov. i’m sorry for getting in the way for so long. have a good date, no throwing bottles at each other xoxo

They finish reading at the same time, looking up from their phones, eyes meeting before flickering away again.

Mal sighs. “I think I hate her.”

“I think I hate her, too.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Alina bites her lip. Because he doesn’t want to do this, she thinks. “Oh, well, I guess—”

Mal cuts her off. “But it might be a nice chance for us to talk.” Her head snaps up, and this time when their eyes meet, neither of them look away. He smiles shyly. “I missed you this week, Lina.”

Her smile matches his. “I missed you, too.”

They sit, and after the waiter takes their order for drinks and an appetizer for them to share — a sample platter, both of them too indecisive for any singular thing — Mal starts to stutter out an apology. Alina stops him with a hand on his arm. He looks down at where her fingers brush against bare skin, and she wonders if he’s thinking about all the skin they’ve bared to each other now. She certainly is.

“You don’t need to apologize, Mal,” she promises. “It was an accident.”

He shakes his head. “Still, I can’t imagine how terrifying that was for you.”

“Well, it was,” she admits, then adds, “at first.”

“At first?”

She shrugs, but says nothing, thankful for their drinks arriving to save her from answering. Because the truth was she had been scared for maybe three seconds. Once she had realized it was Mal, she’d only felt desire.

With their awkward shower encounter out of the way, they fall into fairly easy conversation, complaining about exams and projects, annoying classmates and neighbors. Soon enough, they’re back to being themselves. Alina pulls out her phone to show Mal all the memes and TikToks she had wanted to send him this week, and he does the same. Hours fly by without their notice, and now the dinner crowd is filing in.

“Oi, I think our waiter is silently praying for us to leave.”

She laughs, pulling out her wallet. “Definitely.”

Mal waves her off. “Let me get it,” he says, taking his own wallet out. “I mean, since this is apparently a date and all.”

Alina hesitates, a little flutter in her chest even though he’d said it teasingly. “Okay, fine. But I’ll get the tip.”

“Deal.”

When everything is paid for, they stand. Going home is the last thing she wants right now, and not just because Zoya will be there.

Mal looks ready to pull her into one of their standard hugs, but pauses. “Do you want to come over? We can find something shitty to watch. Mikhael and Dubrov will be around, but I just really don’t want to see Zoya right now.”

Alina smiles, the flutter in her chest returning with vigor. “Yeah, okay.”

At Mal’s flat, they settle onto the sofa together, close enough that their shoulders brush. Mikhael and Dubrov tease them about looking like lovebirds, but otherwise surprisingly leave them be. She doesn’t mind their company — but admittedly, she was glad they stayed to their respective rooms tonight. Mal puts on an indie horror flick that’s so bad it’s good, and they laugh and joke with each other throughout, per usual.

About halfway through the film, they share a knowingly look — their that foreshadowing is so obvious, RIP to that character in twenty minutes look — and sport matching grins. But when the moment passes, neither of them looks away.

“Alina,” Mal says softly, and her breath hitches. Has he ever said her name with such longing before?

His eyes flicker down — to her lips. She thinks of Zoya’s text then, basically calling both of them out for having feelings for each other. And while neither of them had confirmed it, they hadn’t denied it either.

Her heart is beating so fast. She gives him the tiniest nod.

Mal understands, he always does, and then he’s leaning in. Their noses brush before their lips do, and it could be silly or awkward, but instead it’s a different kind of intimacy she hadn’t known she wanted.

“Alina,” he breathes once more, and then he kisses her, so softly at first, it’s barely anything. Her stomach is doing cartwheels regardless. She takes initiative, kissing him back. Still soft, still careful, afraid that whatever this is between them is something fragile, something that needs delicacy. In some ways, it is. Her closest friendship, blossoming into something more.

Mal lets out the softest moan, and it snaps something between them.

He pulls her closer, his hand on the back of her neck, and now Alina is the one moaning, fervor replacing the softness, the delicacy. It’s the kind of kiss she’s been fantasizing about, made even better from how obvious it is that they’ve both wanted this for a long time. A desperate kiss bursting with desire.

Alina shifts closer until she’s practically straddling his lap. Mal brings one hand to rest on her lower back, the other curling into her hair. His lips move to her neck, trailing down until he reaches her collarbone, where he nips and sucks, undoubtedly leaving a mark.

“Mal,” she sighs, her head tipped back from the feeling as her hips roll against his. He curses against her skin. Her hands move to the hem of his shirt, ready to pull it off.

All of a sudden, Mal pulls away, stopping her hands with his own. “Alina, don’t.”

She blinks her eyes open. “Do you want to move to your room?”

Mal bites his lip and shakes his head.

Alina frowns, any warmth in her chest turning cold. She quickly returns to her own side of the couch. “I don’t understand. I thought you wanted this.” Wanted me, she thinks but doesn’t say. Because he certainly had no issues with Zoya.

“I do!” he says quickly, taking her hand again and trying to pull her back. She holds her ground, pulls her hand out of his. “I do want this, Alina. Saints, I do. But this is technically our first date, right? I don’t want to do first date sex, not with you.”

Alina rolls her eyes, looking down and tugging at a loose thread on her dress. “Is this where you say something you think sounds respectful but really just puts down all the girls you have had first date sex with?”

“Alina, please look at me.”

Grudgingly, she does.

“You’re different because you’re my best friend, and because I’ve been hooking up with our mutual friend.” She flinches, but Mal continues. “I don’t want you to think we have to have sex because of that. What I had with Zoya — it was good, and I care about Zoya, but it didn’t go beyond the physical. That’s all we wanted from each other. But that’s not all I want with you.”

Mal closes his eyes. Alina’s unconsciously holding her breath. He exhales and opens his eyes again, holding her gaze. “I want everything with you, Alina. I want your highs and your lows. I want to take you against the wall as much as I want to hold your hand.” He does so now, both of his hands around one of hers, and this time she doesn’t pull away. “And if you didn’t want to be physical? I’d still want you. I don’t want you to think there’s anything we have to do. That’s why I want to wait — even if I also want to take you to my room and pin you against my bed, too.”

“Oh,” she says, barely audible. Alina shakes her head, a little speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”

The corner of his mouth tugs up. “Was that too rom-com confessional?”

The tension breaks. She laughs and climbs onto his lap again, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’re such a dork, but you’re the perfect dork. So we’ll wait.” She pauses and looks up at him with innocent eyes. “But will you kiss me again?”

Mal grins, pushes her down against the couch, and does just that.

When she gets home, Zoya is waiting in the living room, reading a smutty romance book Genya had recommended. “Hey, how’d it go?” she asks, too casually to actually be casual.

Alina ignores her and walks straight to her room. She’s decided to let Zoya sweat it out a bit for the weekend after her little stunt, even if it was successful.

Though really, she didn’t think it would bother Zoya that much. Hard as steel Zoya, who never let anything get to her. But on Sunday, she bursts into Alina’s room, interrupting her studying.

“Okay, I know you hate me now or whatever, but at least let me tell you that I’m sorry. I didn’t know how much you liked him, Alina. Not until Genya told me.”

Alina closes her book, frowning. “Genya told you?”

Zoya nods and sits at the end of her bed. “Recently, when I told her about Nikolai and that I was thinking about cutting things off with Mal. Don’t be mad at her, just be mad at me.”

“Well—” she starts, but Zoya cuts her off.

“And honestly? The worst part is, part of me did know. I saw the looks you gave each other, but I brushed them off because I was selfish and enjoying myself. I was a really, really shit friend to you, and I’m so sorry, Alina. You don’t have to forgive me, but I just—

Zoya stops mid-sentence, cut off by the laughter bubbling out of Alina.

“Saints, I never thought I’d see the day that Zoya Nazyalensky grovels.” She shoots her a grin. “I accept your apology. And as much as I want to hate you for your meddling stunt, it worked, because we definitely spent the night making out. I just did the whole silent treatment to make you suffer a little.”

A moment passes — Zoya is completely still, too still — and then she grabs one of Alina’s pillows and smacks her with it. “You little rat!”

Alina only laughs harder, fighting off Zoya’s pillow attack with her hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say sorry non-sarcastically! You did so well, Nazyalensky!”

“And you’ll never hear it again! You’ve lost apology privileges!

Eventually, Alina moves into the living room to study, and Zoya joins her. When their brains need a break, Alina tells her about her date with Mal, and Zoya tells her about her own with Nikolai. If this is their new normal, Alina finds that she really likes it.

The next week is outstandingly better than the previous. She’s back to talking to Mal each day, even more than before. Halfway through the week, he sends her a song with the message, This song made me think of you the first time I heard it, still does every time. It has her heart beating extra fast as she listens on her walk to class, not only because it’s incredibly sweet, but because Mal has played this song for her before, months and months ago, which means he’s felt this way the whole time.

Early Saturday evening, Zoya announces that she’s spending the night at Nikolai’s. “He has his own apartment, so it just makes sense. I’ll be home in the morning, probably.”

Thank the Saints for rich boys.

She texts Mal, and Zoya’s barely gone for ten minutes before he’s there. They make dinner together — well, Alina sits on the counter while Mal does the actual cooking, but he spends any down time kissing her, so she likes to think she was the moral support. They eat on the couch, watching their favorite trashy reality television, and play a few rounds of Mario Kart afterwards. Really, it’s just like how things were when they were simply best friends, except now Alina drapes her body over his as they watch their show, Mal’s thumb moving in slow circles on her ankle, and instead of talking or playing on their phones during ad breaks, they pick up where they left off in the kitchen, their lips pressed together in a blissful ease.

They’re on their fifth game of Mario Kart, Alina in the lead, as she has been every round. She’s bragging about how she’s going to beat him again when suddenly her vision is blocked as Mal presses his lips to hers.

Her surprise doesn’t stop her from dropping her controller and kissing back. She’s just getting into the kiss when Mal pulls away as quickly as he had started the kiss. He stands, and only then does she see he never dropped his controller. Picking up right where he left off, he steers Luigi towards the finish line. (“Who the hell picks Luigi?” Alina had asked him once. To which Mal responded, “It’s not fair people only care about his brother when he probably works just as hard at their plumbing business. It’s just like people only knowing Adam Levine and ignoring the rest of Maroon 5—” which led to a very cute rant that Alina spent less time listening to and more time staring at his lips while he was distracted.)

Alina fumbles for her controller, but it’s too late. Mal hasn’t come in first — some of the computers still beat him. But he’s beat her, which by the smirk on his face, was his only goal.

“You’re such a cheater!”

“It’s not cheating, it’s strategy.”

“I suppose you need your strategy, since you don’t have any skills.”

Mal raises a brow, a devious look in his eyes. “Is that so? Perhaps I should show you my skills, then.” He moves in front of her and kneels on the couch, a leg on either side of her body, essentially pinning her there, and kisses her again.

Immediately, she can feel the difference from the strategy kiss and even the ones from earlier that night. He’s kissing with purpose, cradling her face with one hand, the other on her waist, and Alina is melting against him. She is putty in Mal’s hands, his to mold how he pleases.

He’s holding himself so that his weight isn’t pressing down on her, but that’s exactly what she wants. Her hips buck up against his, and Mal pulls back to moan, “Fuck, Alina,” so she does it again.

“Please tell me we can have second date sex.”

Mal chuckles. “Are we even going to bother with the dating process?”

“I don’t know, are we?”

“I don’t know. Do I need to ask you to be my girlfriend?”

Alina grins. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it.

“All right. Alina, my beauty, my beloved, will you bless me with the honor of calling you my girlfriend?”

Her grin widens, and giddy butterflies dance inside her chest. No, not butterflies — fireflies. She can feel their warmth and wouldn’t be surprised if she was glowing from their light. “Oh, I suppose.”

Mal laughs. “I can’t stand you,” he says, and kisses her again.

Alina returns the kiss for a moment before murmuring against his lips, “You don’t have to stand me, but now that you’re my boyfriend, can you fuck me?”

He practically growls as he says, “Saints, yes,” standing and lifting her with him. Mal brings them to her room, kissing her the whole way. He unceremoniously shoves her school books off of her bed, laying her down and crawling over her. “You don’t know how often I’ve imagined this,” he murmurs, lips on her throat.

“Tell me,” she gasps.

“Every time I came over, Alina. Every time.”

A shiver runs down her spine. “Even when you were here to—”

“Especially then.”

She has no idea what to do with this information. Her head is empty of thought save for the screaming need for more of him, so she pulls his shirt over his head. This time, Mal doesn’t stop her. Her hands roam over all the places she’s been dying to touch; down his back, tracing along his spine, up over his stomach, fingers running along the muscles of his chest, brushing over a few scars he’s accumulated through the years.

“You’re so perfect,” she whispers. Smooth in some places, rougher in others, but so incredibly warm everywhere.

Mal tips her chin up, kisses her lips once, hard, and then another to her jaw, down her neck, her collarbone. Then he’s the one tossing her shirt aside, his lips continuing their decent. He’s pressing soft words into her skin as he kisses her — beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart —murmuring his love for her even as he brings her nipple between his teeth.

“Shit, Mal,” Alina breathes. Her hips keep bucking, far beyond her control. He chuckles, murmurs something along the lines of no patience, and quickens his pace. Soon enough, he’s got her undressed completely — which isn’t too unnerving after the shower incident. Any lingering nerves flee once his head is between her thighs. She’s suddenly very thankful Zoya isn’t home, because even though it’s never been a problem during sex before, she absolutely cannot control the noises she’s making — and she’s loud.

Mal returns to her with glistening lips. She kisses him and tastes herself, a thrill better than any rollercoaster. Her hands move to the waistband of his pants, giving a half-hearted tug. “Off.”

“So lazy,” he teases, unclasping the button on his jeans, tugging down the zipper. “I could always make you work for it.”

“Have mercy on me, Oretsev. I’m still recovering from the pleasures of your cocky mouth.”

He looks so proud of himself, she wants to kiss him just to wipe the smirk off of his face. “If you enjoyed my cocky mouth, just wait until you feel my—

“Do not finish that sentence.”

But then he’s pushing down his boxers, and all Alina can do is stare as the cock in question springs free. He’s fully hard this time around, and her thighs squeeze together at the sight. He watches her as she practically drools over his dick, his smirk becoming even, well, smirkier. She reaches out and curls her fingers around his length, giving him two quick strokes — both to clear the smirk from his face and because she so very much wants to touch him.

“Fuck, Alina,” he hisses. He’s reaching for his jeans, probably to grab a condom from his pocket, but she grabs his hand.

“I’m on the pill, and I’ve been tested recently.” Of course, there’s still a slight risk. But it’s Mal — finally Mal — and she wants to feel every inch of him.

He pauses, then nods. “Okay.” Crawling over her, he takes one of her hands and intertwines their fingers. With his other hand, he grips his cock and drags the tip through her folds like the damn tease he is, eliciting needy mewling from her that he seems to enjoy. In her ear, he murmurs, “How do you want this, Alina?”

“I don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Mal chuckles softly, but the sound so close to her ear sends more shivers down her spine. “As you wish, moya solnishka.” My little sun.

She has only a brief moment to bask in the sweetness of his words before he’s slamming into her all in one go, anything sweet flying out the window. Mal keeps a steady rhythm while sucking on her neck, which is good, because all Alina can do is moan incoherently as her nails leave scratches down his back.

When he senses her getting close, Mal brings his finger to her clit, circling just right. “Saints!” she cries, and comes undone beneath him once again. But this time, she gets to watch him fall over the edge with her, his eyes so incredibly dark as he moans his release. He’s the only man she’s ever let come inside of her, and it feels very right that it’s Mal — she doesn’t want anyone else filling her like this, marking her in a sense as his spend drips down her thighs.

They stay like that for a while, foreheads pressed together, sweaty and sticky, but blissfully so.

“So, is the sex still good on this side of the apartment?”

In answer, he dips his head and bites down on one of her tits.

“Shit, Malyen!”

“Ridiculous questions get ridiculous responses,” he teases, then wraps his arms around her, tucking his face into the crook of her shoulder. “You’re all I’ve wanted for two years, Alina, and this still beat my expectations.”

Smiling, she rests her chin against the top of his head. “Good. I would hate to have to start fucking in Zoya’s bed just because you like the airflow better there.”

“Smart ass,” Mal mutters, but he’s smiling. Then he says, "You know, this may not be my first time fucking in this apartment, but I’m still checking off a first tonight — of many, I hope.”

Alina rolls her eyes. “Yes, I’m aware this is your first time fucking me in this apartment, dumb ass.”

"That’s not what I meant, rude ass.”

She frowns. “Then what did you mean?”

He squeezes her hip. “It’s my first time spending the night.”

Her heart does a little jump in her chest, and she doesn’t even have it in her to tease that she hasn’t actually asked him to stay yet. But stay he does, though he gets her off a few more times before they pass out for the night — definitely beating her vibrator. One time it’s with his fingers, so incredibly long that she knows all her fantasies will involve the slender digits now. Another is after Alina murmurs about how filthy she is and that she really ought to take a shower.

Mal waits long enough to join her that she starts to worry he hadn’t understood her intent. But then she hears his footsteps, and the shower curtain opens. There’s no bottle throwing this time, though she can’t say the same for the screaming. He steps into the shower, kisses her slowly, sensually, then pushes her back until she shivers from the feeling of cold tile against her bare skin.

“I meant to ask, you do know you have mirrors in here, right?” Mal murmurs huskily into her ear. She’s too disoriented with want to understand until he says, “I saw you staring at my ass last time.”

Then he slams into her, and Alina no longer has to imagine how it feels to be fucked against the shower wall.

#malina #malina fanfic #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #grishaverse fanfic #college au #PHEW THIS TOOK MUCH LONGER THAN EXPECTED #because i wrote much more than expected sksksksk #but this time i think i'm happy with what came out #i will never tire of writing these two idiots in love so i hope yall don't tire of reading me writing these idiots in love teehee #this one is steamy folks!#TY FOR THE PROMPT LINA I HOPE U ENJOY!!!!#writing #mine #ps the song he sends her is in the title teehee #for inquiring minds #also i've only read through this once so sorry in advance for the inevitable typos lmao

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meggannn · 3 years

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shepard/garrus?

oh boy, sorry for the late response! I always end up posting these things and then going to read/take a nap/play a game or something. anyway writing this up took two hours, i hope it is even slightly interesting to read. cut because this is looooooong

What made you ship it?

I think I was interested in this ship before I even played ME. I was just like “I know Shepard is a character and an alien named Garrus is a character, and people draw porn of them together.” because I think it’s reasonable to say it’s one of, if not the most, popular ship in the fandom, or at least in ME’s tumblr fandom? and the way people talked about it, I knew their tropes were #banter, #battle couple, #partnerships, and... and as we’ve learned from royai, I am a bit weak to those tropes (assuming I like both of the characters). the way people talked about them also from a “best friends” angle—which is sort of forced in-game in a way that seems strange to me now—was also a plus in its favor at the time. (if they get together, I do see their friendship/companionship, in whatever form, in some ways integral to their romance—unless you’re playing full far-right renegade who’s like a xenophobe and hate-fucking Garrus, I guess?—but Bioware also kind of shoehorned Garrus into that best-friend role and that’s a topic for another day.)

What are your favorite things about the ship?

(my friend will hit me if I say “partnerships” again) I’m gonna talk about the way I play my Shepard now, because so much is dependent on the unique Shepard. for Lydia’s journey over the series, I see a large part of her journey as basically a study of her (often self-inflicted) loneliness. and she never entirely breaks her habits of self-isolation, but the events of the series force her to be vulnerable in a way she would prefer not to be in front of a crew, or, y’know, ever. Garrus becomes an integral part of that story to help her break her out of these bad habits (all of the crew does, particularly also Ashley for my Shep), but to my eyes, the story of “Shepard and Garrus’s relationship” is also one of mutual respect, burden-sharing, and sanity and morality checks.

I don’t think of their “mentor” relationship in ME1 very often mostly because I don’t think it was done particularly well, but for all its faults, I do like how naturally the jump from “subordinate” in ME1 to “ally” in ME2 felt; once you meet Garrus on Omega you feel more on the same footing as two friends greeting each other because you’ve both recently been through trauma and the sight of a friendly face in a station full of hostiles is so unexpectedly welcome that it lets them both hope things will be okay for a minute. starting from that moment, Garrus becomes one of the few people who can see “under” her mask, I guess: partly because he’s one of the few combatants from the SR-1 who knows Shepard well and sees who she is both on the field and onboard the SR-2, with the ability to compare both to the times of “before you died”; partly because he has trauma response training and recognizes it in others even if he doesn’t in himself; partly because his loyal personality makes him sensitive to wonder how she’s dealing with being resurrected; and also partly because they’ve both gone through similar things. namely, getting your squad killed and blaming yourself for it, and it possibly being your fault (BioWare is inconsistent on what Shepard’s role was on Akuze, but in ME1 she has the chance to reply that she was responsible for getting them out safely, and failed).

necessity forces Shepard to adapt to things like being effectively forced to work for terrorists; being isolated from her support system; being resurrected and feeling like a stranger in her own body; later, getting decommissioned for making an incredibly difficult call to save the galaxy; watching your homeworld burn; being forced into a political role negotiating high stakes you don’t know how to play; being told you’re the spearhead of a galactic war; doing all of this without a full crew complement; the list goes on. those are all, on their own, incredibly isolating, traumatic experiences, and my Shepard’s not emotionally sane at the best of times. (emotionally stable, perhaps, only in the most literal of terms, at least on the surface. she’s like a rock when shit hits the fan. emotionally sane, no, for that reason and more.)

the tables have turned, and Garrus ends up becoming a large part of helping her regain agency in most if not all of those things: in ME2 he was a former crew member she trusted, and he was eager to work for her and be distracted from his failures on Omega. over in the battery, he is himself recovering from a major injury (like Shepard) and going through the aftermath of a bloodbath he feels responsible for (like Shepard), working on a crew that holds him at arm’s length, that he also... arguably... didn’t have much choice in joining (like Shepard—I’m assuming he wasn’t held hostage and joined voluntarily after waking up, but lbr this is unconfirmed). their reasons are different and varied, but they don’t realize until much later that they have found each other at the most opportune time, providing a sense of stability for each other, and also, frankly, sanity and morality checks.

in ME3, he steps into this role more fully because he’s become more disciplined, is doing work firmly in his wheelhouse, and paired up against Shepard struggling with their positions somewhat reversed from ME1: him more confident and her now completely out of her element, floundering with her place on a galactic scale. without Garrus—and Chakwas, and Joker, and Tali, and later the loyalty of the entire SR-2—the story of ME would be a tragedy, and it would end shortly in ME2; it’d be the story of how my Shepard slowly went insane being forced to fight boogeymen under a terrorist banner. Garrus isn’t, like, the keeper of her sanity, but their ability to check each other, and see themselves in the eyes of each other, provides stability and occasionally a bit of a wake-up call to both of them. when they’re both vulnerable, they both feel most seen, and most understood, by an alien that listens.

one angle of this ship that highly interests me at the moment, along with the above, is that while it’s not illegal for them to be together, it’s still... a really bad fucking idea lmao. (I could make the argument that it’s a bad idea for Shepard to be in any relationship with their crew but I think there are a few ships—Garrus, Tali, any Alliance crew at all—that realistically would be huge political clusterfucks.) so overcoming personal insecurity and fear of the unknown to acknowledge interest in each other, and the desire to become an item, getting roadblocked by a reality wake-up call with the fact that 1) she’s his boss, 2) Garrus comes from a society where station matters, like, sort of a lot and it even determines your job and how much legal power you have, 3) the potential political blowback (which would be ENORMOUS because lbr the hierarchy may not care about what turians do in off-hours but they WOULD care about the superior/subordinate thing, the human thing, the fact that they’re doing this while a war is going on. basically one of their best agents is on the Normandy to negotiate their interests and they’re basically at the whims of their relationship the whole time)... it’s a lot! all of that sort of makes it tragic, but I’m curious to see how they’d overcome it.

anyway, all of that is where I’m coming from when I think or write about this ship, but there’s a lot more I’m not mentioning here. there are a lot of juxtapositions that in my head that I’ve either added or extrapolated from canon that also interest me about this pairing. Garrus is a former cop, as is his father; Lydia is a poor kid who used to be in a gang out of necessity. Garrus is a turian with often traditionalist thinking; Shepard is a human who has much less sociopolitical power than him, even if she is his superior on the Normandy. both of them are roughly as old as the First Contact War, when their people were at each other’s throats not thirty years ago. Garrus idolizes Spectrehood while Lydia hates it, feeling it was forced on her. they can’t eat the same food. and yet despite all of that, and the fact that they need translators to communicate, they manage to understand each other when a lot of the world around them doesn’t.

god this is not even the full list of it. anyway I could go on but I’ll stop there lol.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh jesus, so much. I’m a grouchy and picky shipper, be warned.

pining can always make my ships more interesting, and imo it’s a consistent part of any ship of Shepard’s, considering it’s wildly inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be fucking any subordinate, so I think more consideration could be given to shakarian in the “we shouldn’t be having a thing and oh also you’re an alien and I’m kind of scared of both your government and your body” angle! I hope to explore that a bit with a fic I’m writing (if I ever finish it, god).

I hate the flavor of fandom!shakarian where Shepard romanced Kaidan in ME1 then felt “betrayed” when he’s confused and hurt on Horizon, so she gets with Garrus as like... revenge? idk. and then Garrus usually develops this bias against Kaidan as a sort of author mouthpiece (which is inconsistent with his characterization cause Garrus is nothing but pleased to have Kaidan back on the SR-2 in ME3!) and takes up the anti-Kaidan crusade cause K ~questioned the commander~ (since when does Garrus fall over himself defending a superior from criticism?) like, idk. I think Garrus can be sensitive to the fact that that reuniting must’ve been painful for Shepard, but also be aware that it was also really painful for Kaidan because all of Kaidan’s complicated feelings about Shepard’s resurrection were, realistically, things Garrus should’ve felt too! this trope is very popular but just feels like manufactured drama for drama’s sake, idk, I’m also not big on love triangles so. I would much rather people just rescue Ashley on Virmire and avoid the whole thing rather than have previously-romanced Kaidan around in ME3 for the sole purpose of forcing him to watch Shepard/Garrus being happy together tbh.

I think full goody-goody paragon Shepard is too preachy to make a good partner for Garrus and full shoot-anyone-in-my-way renegade Shepard encourages and emboldens his worst tendencies (and Castis Vakarian is right to disapprove of them). most people end up playing some combination of both, or if they do settle in one camp or the other, usually there is some sense of realism where Shepard doesn’t play nice/naive or play mean all the time, so it’s rare I see either of those kinds of extreme Shepards depicted, but in general if there is a Shepard that is so far in one direction it seems illogical to me that they ever stay together.

I think wanting a mShep romance for Garrus is a pretty welcome idea in fandom, but adding onto that, I think Garrus should’ve been romanceable in ME3 for players who changed their minds on other romances or want to play slow-burn romances! we had it for Kaidan—and should’ve had it for Ash—so (pounds fist on desk) Garrus too imo!

I hate the canon get-together because Shepard walking into the battery and asking “do you want to fuck” feels very tailored to the players who want to romance Garrus, not to who Commander Shepard is, imo. it lacked all of the subtlety and depth of some other romances—until the scene of Garrus coming to her cabin with a wine bottle, at least, cause I do like that scene, but anyway, I dislike the actual get-together.

just in general, I’m a stick in the mud, so my favorite iteration of this ship is where Shepard is resolutely professional, and the challenge of it becomes him getting her to open up, not the other way around. like, I think on some level every iteration of Shepard is a bit of a lunatic/eccentric, because you have to be to do the things they do, but I like to see their flirting with less of her calling him “big guy” (not sure where that came from, is that in canon? I must’ve missed it, but personally I don’t like it) and more of Garrus making wisecracks in the canteen while he’s talking to Joker, but he’s looking at her out of the corner of his eyes and he really said his joke with the aim of making her laugh, and as she’s reading her datapad she hears him, and even when she wants to chuckle she stops himself and just smirks cause she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a laugh, but he sees her lips twitch and feels his heart flutter. that. I want more of that.

oh lastly, I hate “Shepard takes Vakarian clan markings” in any iteration. there is no canon relation to turians being poc—in fact I’d argue they have sociopolitical privilege real-world bipoc do not—but the concept of social face markings, face tattoos, etc., is rooted in non-white cultures and with the fact that 1) turians had a literal civil war over the territories those markings represent, 2) we don’t even know if marriage is how markings are shared or if non-turians are ever invited to wear them in the first place, 3) most of the art of this trend, lbr, is of mostly white Shepards in wedding dresses and blue face paint... all that combined just makes me frown and scroll faster every time I see it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bipoc Shepard with Vakarian face markings in fic/art, and that to me is very telling (not because they should have them, but because bipoc fans who make bipoc Shepards usually recognize when a racially-coded trope is uhhhhh not so great to appropriate for someone not of that group).

#megan does memes #marisjellyfish #shakarian

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cassthecringe · 3 years

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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

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gluestickcherrybum · 4 years

Text

Ahoy there! I'm back with another study post °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

So if you aren't aware already, me as well as various other study bloggers are notorious for writing aesthetically pleasing handwritten notes. Notes aren’t absolutely necessary if you prefer to do without. A lot of my friends and acquaintances don’t bother with them and prefer to rely entirely on the lecture materials provided. I find that it helps me indefinitely in my studies and as a brief creative outlet which I rarely give myself the time for.

Why take Notes?

Instead of printing the lecture materials given digitally, I've taken it to re-write the lecture notes a few days prior to the lecture. Some lecturers insist their students read the material to get a grasp of the topic before the lecture and this is taking it a few steps further. They say writing something down is equivalent to reading it 7 times, meaning getting into memory this way is so much more efficient which is one of the biggest reasons I insisted myself handwrite my notes. Also writing your own notes is totally customisable to your needs, do you prefer mind maps or lists? Infographics or paragraphs? Minimalistic or colourful? It's all up to you.

Why I personally take notes

Different plants have different needs. Some need to be watered daily, some twice a day and some every other day. Some thrive in nutrient-rich soil and some prefer to sit in dry sand. Just like plants, each individual student has different needs and circumstances to thrive. For me, since I have a relatively low attention span and am a relatively slow learner, I needed the head start of reading topics beforehand to catch on with the rest. To me, with proper preparation for lectures, attending the lecture is like filling in the missing puzzle pieces. At least it should be. Also, I'm more of a visual learner, so if you're like me, then well structured, colourful and easy to read notes are not only more appealing but really help me in my studies and help me grasp topics a lot faster.

SUPPLIES

Probably the part where everyone is pumped for but I'll to simplify as well as be in-depth as possible.

Basically, you need paper and a pen. Need some colours? get some highlighters or coloured pens. Some people usually go one or the other but you can benefit from using both systematically.

What I look for in my preferred paper:

Thicker paper (120gsm) because I use markers and pens that bleed through anything less and I like my paper sturdy because I heavily reference my notes and I don't want them to get worn out as quickly (i want to actually try to use thinner paper and be gentler but not sure how much I can commit to it o(╥﹏╥)o).

Smoother paper is good if you use felt tips so they don't get damaged that quickly.

Line spacing. Its a waste of space and paper if you have small handwriting but largely spaced outlines. Not easy to find though.

Line colour. I prefer lighter lines such as light grey if possible, it just looks tidier that my writing contrasts more than with jet black lines.

Recycled or sustainably made paper. Because environment. Trees happy. Duh.

At the moment I'm a fan of loose-leaf paper because I'm not a fan of wasting notebook paper at the back (plus its even harder to get the paper features I want in notebooks unless I'm lucky) but if I were to succumb to using notebooks, I would definitely prefer thread-bound or hand-sewn over spring bound just because I think metal springs are annoying and if they're plastic, they aren't recyclable. You know me.

In conclusion, it's hard to find test pad with all of these features, you can consider printing your own notepaper if you're as picky as I am but you do you. If you can only afford flimsy see-through paper, that's alright. But make sure your supplies are appropriate for them as most of the supplies I use will bleed even on regular paper

Pens

Don't bother going all out and using fine liners or drawing pens to write notes. Get practical. Pick your poison. Smooth gel pens or dry ballpoint? Ergonomic or Budget-friendly? Disposable or refillable? My only guideline is to make sure they have waterproof ink because in any case, you need to send in an assignment last minute and have to rush through the rain without a folder you definitely want your writing to be at least legible if anything. (yes I learned this the hard way, yes illegible work will cost you a lot of marks. don't make my mistake ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

Also. Black or Blue? Studies show that writing in blue improves memory collection but black is the more neutral aesthetic. What do I do? I use black as my main colour and write keywords and important facts in blue to take advantage of its memory-enhancing properties.

My current preference: Zebra Sarasa Clip (because its made of 75% recycled plastic and is a good quality pen) with Pentel Energel refill (gel ink that dries quickly. that's all I need)

Budget-Friendly: There are good quality pen sets at the ECO shop (Malaysian dollar store) or buy disposable pens in bulk at any book store. Trust me, it saves a lot more than buying a brand new 80 cent pen every now and again. (Also including the cost of transportation to the store because when you live independently, every cent matters) It's not exactly environmentally friendly but hey, anything to cut the cost right?

Zero Waste option: Fountain Pen with a converter (not the cartridges) and glass bottles of ink refill. Yes, it sounds daunting but its zero waste if that's your cup of tea. You don't have to go all out and buy an expensive luxury fountain pen made of stainless steel, or go fancy and get a flexible nib. If you ask me, I have my eyes set on the pilot kakuno fountain pen, its simple, aesthetic and highly recommended for beginners (although not plastic-free its made out of 85% recycled plastic which is cool since I'm hoping to make a one time purchase, I won't mind it being made from plastic but that just my taste)

Coloured Pens

So I haven't been a fan of using coloured pens for a while but ill tell you I'm currently using a cheap set of coloured gel pens from Kaison just because they have cute patterns but the ink flow isn't that smooth so I should've bought something more practical. The ultimate budget-friendly option which is not only cheap but long-lasting and good quality, and ones that I’d recommend for anyone is the Papermate Kilometrico ballpoint coloured pens. So far I only know they come in five colours but they've been my favourite for years. Most people I know that disagree with me usually don't like the colour range or arent a fan of dry ink but if you aren't that picky and looking for a reliable option they're a good option, plus if you're using cheap paper, they won't bleed or anything so that's cool.

Highlighters

I love pastel highlighters. Its soft, cute, aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and some colours are better at actually highlighting words rather than their neon counterparts like green and purple. Although not the cheapest option, I doubt ill ever go back to neon highlighters ever and ill only be recommending pastel highlighters thanks.

My current preference: I'm currently using Monami Pastel Highlighters just because they were on sale with comparable prices to unbranded cheap pastel highlighters. I will never recommend commonly branded highlighters like Stabilo Boss or Zebra Mildliners because the extra pennies just aren't worth it since the unbranded kind has lived up to my standards. (also I haven't tried those branded highlighters mind you but I doubt I'm missing out on anything)

Budget-Friendly option: While Zebra Mildliners are being sold at RM5 for one and RM25 for a set, Mr DIY sells knockoff brand "BEIFA" for RM7 for a set of six which is a pretty good deal if you ask me (also there are double-sided ones with a bullet and chisel tips if you thought mildliners were the only option with those features). I've also found some rare gems, unbranded pastel highlighters hidden in common bookstores for an even cheaper price, but they're really hard to find unless the pastel highlighter trend decides to catch on. I digress.

Zero Waste option: I heard about highlighter pencils, just wooden pencils with neon colour pigments, but why get trendy when you can use any old wooden colouring pencils lying around? I don't think ill give up plastic highlighters for wooden pencils despite being a strong environmentalism advocate but there are a few options for highlighters made from recycled plastic but they either don't come in pastel colours or too pricey for my taste (yes I'm a cheapskate for crud sake)

Extras

These other things aren't exactly necessary but they add little flourishes and/or aid you in your note-taking. Not exactly an extra investment but its completely up to you

Sticky notes (or coloured memo pads) for extra notes, diagrams or equations which I like for them to stand out a bit. (Pastel over neon of course)

Washi tape to divide subchapters (but a highlighter streak does the job)

Correction tape because never will I ever use correction fluid mind you

Brush pens for headers (completely unnecessary but I don't have any other outlet to practice brush lettering so.) Recommendations: Artline Stix (chunky but super cheap, marker type not for thin paper), Pentel Fude Touch (great for beginners, small and practical, 83% recycled plastic, but will bleed on regular paper)

Alternatively, a regular black felt tip marker just to make the title stand out is good enough.

NOTE TAKING TECHNIQUES

An underrated note-taking method is the Cornell method which is frankly a systematic way to write notes in which you divide the paper into 4 sections, a place for title and date and stuff, the main body for notes, extended side margin for extra info/lecture comments/questions/subtitles and bottom quarter reserved for a summary of the notes. Some people modify this technique by omitting the summary section, depending on your needs.

Bullet points and indents. This is pretty self-explanatory, but it's pretty much notes that aren't chunky paragraphs. Easier to read, easier to register information, easier to skim through. You get the gist of it.

Highlighting system. Some people go all out with their highlighting system and designate colours to certain things such as green for vocab, orange for equations, blue for subtopics. etc. You can try this out if you want, but for me, the plethora of colour is quite distracting and not that aesthetically pleasing, but you do you.

BREAKING DOWN MY METHOD OF NOTE TAKING

My priorities to note-taking are: Easy to read, simple, decluttered and visually pleasing. For colours, I mainly use up to 4. Black pen for the main information, blue pen for keywords (or any coloured pen that matches the highlighter), one or two highlighters as a colour theme and matching sticky notes for extra info, diagrams or equations.

I assign a whole chapter to a specific colour theme, first assigning a certain highlighter colour to the first six chapters, if there are more than six chapters, I use 2 accent colours just to shake it up a bit. This makes it easier to differentiate the chapters when flipping through your notes.

So its, hand-lettered title (i do my lettering quite quickly, mind you) or all caps title in black marker. Mini banner doodle for subtitles (a simple box with a drop shadow works just fine), contrasting coloured keywords (or underlined) and highlighters just for accents like dividing subtitles or drawing boxes for extra info (that or sticky notes). I don't simplify my lecture notes, rather rewriting them in a more orderly manner and leaving a good amount of extra space here and there (or an extended margin if I use Cornell) for extra lecture notes. Also, I highlight whatever notes that my lecturer would point out as important or worth remembering. And that's pretty much it. After the lecture, I then know which parts of the notes were more vital and can then simplify those key points into flashcards which ill discuss in a different post.

Thanks for reading, I know my posts are pretty long but that's the way I like them, long but in depth. As usual, if you would like me to cover any specific topics, feel free to message me or give feedback. I hope to be able to write 2 or 3 articles a month if I can but until then, have a nice day. Study smart peeps.

ヾ(@°▽°@)ノ

#study #studyblr #studygram #studyspo #studyinspo #study inspiration #study motivation #zero waste #zerowaste #zero waste lifestyle #zero waste student #environmentalism #notes #stationery

51 notes · View notes

kirishwima · 4 years

Note

I am also very much MM trash, especially for Uknown and 707. So if you don’t mind me asking, do you have headcanons for either when MC is dealing with depression?? [Youre headcanons are amazing btw I keep dying when I read them aHaHhhhhhh ❤️🧡🖤🥰💜💖💕🥺]

hey! thank you for the sweet comment, it makes me really happy ;u;

YOOSUNG:

* He’s actually much more perceiving than you’d give him credit for-even if MC tries to hide their mental illness, he’ll still notice the little signs, the lethargy, the strained smiles, the half-heartedly hidden furstration

* He doesn’t really put two and two together at first-his MC is so sweet and nothing like what the movies portray depression to be

* He does get concerned however when there’s days where MC barely has the energy to get out of bed, when they’ll either eat too little or sleep too much, and he decides he needs to push them for answers.

* He’ll drag MC to the couch, will make the two of them some hot chocolate and take a hold of their hand, letting them know he’s noticed their behavior and wants to check in with them, make sure everything’s alright

* When he finds out MC has depression, he might ask some somewhat rude questions ‘but how can you be depressed? you’re so sweet and happy!’. He’ll spend hours reading up on depression online, from wikepedia to pubmed.com, he’ll scour the net for information on what he can do to help MC.

* Will try and get them to go on at least a brisk walk every day to get some excersice and sunlight; he’ll cook them meals and sit with them as long as it takes to eat even a little, and if they haven’t already, he’ll talk to them and try to convince them to visit a psychiatrist to start therapy for their mental health.

* Just wants the best for his MC, and if he can’t be the one to provide the help they need, then he’ll be sure to help them get access to it

JAEHEE:

* Honestly…it might take her a while to catch on to what’s going on

* She’s a busy person and while perceptive, she might not immediatly put two and two together. Sure, she’s noticed MC often sleeps in or stays up late, and sometime she’ll nag at them to eat proper meals, but she just figured it’s how MC is-lots of people are night owls and picky eaters right?

* She realises there’s a deeper problem when once, while asking MC for something e.g to turn on the kettle, MC snaps at her, and immediatly regretting it-MC’s eyes fill up with tears and they cover their mouth, scared of how Jaehee will react.

* Well, she certaintly doesn’t react the way they expected her to-she simply stops whatever she was going and comes close to MC, cusping their cheeks between her palms.

* She kisses the tips of their nose as she guides them to the kitchen table, nodding to them to sit down.

* “I don’t….you know I care for you right? And if there’s something wrong, something you’d like to want to talk about, then I want to be the person you feel safe talking to about it. So, is there something you want to tell me?”

* When MC tells her about their depression, she keeps her face as neutral as possible. She feels a pang of guilt in her gut for not realising it sooner, but knows that that’s not what’s important right now.

* Instead she asks MC if she’s seeing a therapist or taking any medications, and if so how it’s going, what their therapist suggests that could help e.t.c.

* She reads up on depression and looks for things she can do to help MC.

* She’ll constantly nag at them to eat and sleep properly, and in turn it also helps her set up healthy sleep scedhules and meal prepping-and it makes her so happy to see MC standing there with her in the kitchen, cooking their meals for the week together.

* It’s not always a rosy path, but she’ll do whatever she can to help the one she loves.

ZEN:

* He’s also a busy man with an insanely busy scedhule, so quite frankly, he doesn’t really notice something’s wrong

* He sees MC’s cyclothymic mood and is worried about it-one moment they’ll be happy and giggling at something he said, the next they’re distant, furstrated even if he tries to probe at what the matter is

* He decides to try and take a few days off, simply to be at home with MC, see if maybe they’re acting this way because they feel he’s neglecting them

* Well, as soon as he spends a couple of days spending more time with MC, he puts the pieces together and more or less realises what’s wrong-he’s been through a depressive slump more than once through the years, and while it wasn’t quite what MC seems to be going through, he can tell what the most probable cause of their behavior is

* He sits them down and traces their jaw with his fingertips, smiling softly at them. “Baby, if something’s wrong you’d tell me right? You know I’m your knight in shining armor. If something’s bothering you, then I need to know so I can kick it in the butt for tormenting my darling.”

* When MC talks to him about their depression he nods along, his smile shakey-he hates the thought of his baby going through such things, and wishes their depression could be a dragon he could slay, somehting he could take and destroy-but he knows there’s little he himself can do.

* “What if...” he starts, “what if we talk to Jumin about this, ask him to recommend us some good therapists? I’ll be there to help you every step of the way baby, you know that, but I think this is something that requires more help than I or you yourself can give you. What do you say?”

* He’ll of course help MC improve their daily life-he’ll drag them with him for morning jogs, will sit them on the hilt of the bathtub as he places facemasks and strawberry slices on their face for some pampering self-care; he’ll really be their knight in shining armour, only in this case, it’ll be the prince/princess that will slay the dragon themselves. He’ll just be there to give a helping hand whenevr needed.

JUMIN:

* He notices that something’s wrong right away

* This man is so observant, it’ll take him no time at all to notice MC’s sleeping and eating patterns, their mood changes and isolation.

* It pains him so much to see his beloved in such a state, and wonders what he could do to help.

* He actually consults V, knowing his experience with Rika and how he could have more solid advice to give.

* V instead gives him the number of Rika’s past therapist, an excellent psychiatrist he strongly recommends MC visits. He explains to Jumin that even with the best intentions he may have, this isn’t something simple love and care for one another can solve-this is a health issue, same as any other ailment of the body.

* Jumin takes some time before talking to MC about it-he wants to be composed and sure of what he wants to tell them before having this conversation, wanting to be as efficient in helping them as possible.

* He’ll prepare a romantic dinner on the terrace for the two of them and lead MC there, prodding them discreetly throughtout the night to tell him if something’s bothering them.

* Eventually, if they don’t tell him what’s wrong, he’ll admit to noticing their behavior and figuring these are tell-tale signs of clinical depression. He reminds them how much he loves them and how he always wants what’s best for them, and mentions the therapist V told him about, saying that if MC’s willing, he’ll take them for an appointment there first thing in the morning.

* He’ll constantly check on MC even if he’s at work, and if he’s unable to be there to have lunch and dinner with them, he’ll call them during mealtimes, or even have a videochat to make sure they’re eating properly.

* He’ll even fix his own sleep scedhule so that they can also sleep properly, and will prepare some Valerian root tea for them both before bed to help relax and sleep better.

* Whatever MC needs to get better, he’ll provide, always

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG:

* Lmao this boy is absolotuely definitely clinically depressed

* (I headcanon he might have a combo of anxiety-depression, which are very often intelinked and found together. My best guess is that he has some form of PTSD considering his past, and when he panics he self-isolates and becomes non-verbal ((something i also do orz)))

* The moment he and MC start living together he immediatly knows what’s up-they have similar symptoms as he does, and while he wants nothing more than to help them...he honestly doesn’t know how

* He never seeked help for his own mental health, and he never tried to really work on himself either, so he has no advice nor help he can offer.

* But god dammit he will NOT let the person he loves suffer like this!

* He’ll take some time before talking to MC, and when he does it’ll probably be spontaneous-he’ll be holding them close to his chest one late night when they’re both away, running his hand through their hair before breaking down, telling them about his own experiences with depression and his past, and tells them how he noticed their own patterns and behavior, and begs them to seek out some help.

* MC makes a compromise-they’ll seek help only if Seven does too

* He reluctantly agrees-it’s a long uphill slippery road to recovery, and trying to help both themselves and one another is much harder than you’d think, and fights often ensue, but love always prevails-they both want to see each other happy, want to be the best version of themselves for each other, an they’ll keep fighting until they reach the point where they can fully support one another through it all.

V/JIHYUN:

* He’s been diagnosed with depression years ago

* He pretty much knew something was wrong ever since he was young, but never really understood just what that was-he only got his diangosis when he was an adult and decided on his own accord to visit a therapist after Rika started seeing one too

* He’s been on anti-depressants for a few years now, and has monthly therapy sessions, something which to him is both a blessing and a curse-there’s so many secrets burdening him that he can’t mention neither to his therapist nor to anyone else, but he also wants to better himself, not for his sake, but for the sake of the RFA-he wants to be the best leader he can be.

* When he and MC move in together, he instantly knows they’re also suffering with depression. It breaks his heart to see them go through the same pain he has gone through, and wastes no time in talking to them about it.

* He’s very open and honest about his own struggles with it, how much therapy and medications helped him, and how he wants to help MC find their footing too, that he loves them too much to see them hurt like this.

* If he could physically pull their mental illness out of them and take it onto himself he would, he really would, but he knows it’s impossible, so he does the next best thing-he drives MC to one of the best psychiatrists he knows, waits outside until their session is over, drives with them to the pharmacy to pick up their prescription, holding their hand tight.

* They’ll help one another with bettering their lifestyle-they’ll push one another to wake up ealrly in the morning and do some yoga, will take walks together when the weather’s nice, will find different hobbies they could work on-V picks up pottery and he really loves it, and if MC is into gardening, he’ll make wonderful flower pots for them to put their plants into.

* They remind one another to take their medications-V is surprisingly forgetful so they set up reminders for each of them.

* He never wants MC to go through anything that he has, and will be there to support them no matter what-he loves them, he wants to see them grow, and he’ll do whatever it takes to see his beloved happy and healthy.

- If you’re suffering with mental illness or suspect you might, PLEASE SEEK HELP WHENEVR POSSIBLE. The proper combination of therapy, medication and lifestyle changes really DOES help and you deserve to be happy and healthy!-

-Send me scenarios/headcanons for the mystic messenger characters to react to!-

32 notes · View notes

majicmarker · 4 years

Note

why did you dislike 'the hating game?' (haven't read it; i'm just curious)

AAAUURGGHH okay. OKAY. it’s been a hot minute since i read it, so i’m going off strictly memory here — i am thinking of doing a reread, for the record, but chances are high that’s just going to remind me of/reinforce my initial bad impressions — BUT —

(oh god, this became an essay so fast, but to be fair to myself i’m coming off a depressive episode and almost everything in this world pisses me off, so this is just where we’re at. and, yeah, i’m really picking this shit apart, no doubt, but I've always owned up to being an enormously picky reader, so we’re off to the races here, i said what i said, etc., etc, ad nauseam)

you know what, i’m gonna preface this with the One Thing I remember above all else about this book. i am 100% sure this wasn’t the intention but, oh my god, the one thing i will always remember is how lucy (the heroine) refers to one of her superiors as “Fat Little Dick.” dude’s actual name is richard, he’s short and annoying, blah blah. this is supposed to be funny, and i — much as i’m a fan of vulgar humor, lord, i’ll tell you about my favorite shows and movies sometime — find it so incredibly off-putting, that it’s the first thing I think of whenever i see this book mentioned. the immaturity of the nickname doesn’t bother me so much but it’s like, the fact that it’s meant to be clever that irks me. it’s just... gross, to me. this is really individualistic, but i can’t talk about this book without bringing this up because, for me, it set the whole tone for what i was about to read. this is the humor of the whole book, it falls cringingly flat to me, and that means a lot when it comes to a romantic comedy.

in that vein... look, there is seldom an occasion in which i enjoy first person. this is completely a personal preference, so it’s not a point i hold against this book in particular, but i just... i really gave this book a shot, despite being immediately turned off by the style. first person runs rampant in romance and like, that’s fine, i do have a couple i enjoy and, anyway, it’s not a dealbreaker for me and overall it doesn’t actually speak to the quality of the work. like i said, total personal preference — but. but. it depends on how you write it, and i just didn’t see the merit of it here. I think we would have benefitted from dual pov, even if both sides were written in first person.

a nitpick, perhaps! and tbh this particular detail might be suited to a larger discussion of narrative structure dependent on genre, but! in this case i just don’t like it and we can go from there.

MOVING ON.

lucy has no friends. what the fuck is that? she’s twenty-something and, as far as her character reads, quite sociable. even if she was some awkward mess (like, hey, me too, y’all should’ve seen me in my twenties), she’d probably still have, like, one person she could confide in, and yet... nada. (this is what i recall, anyway. as i said, it’s been at least a year since i tried this book out, so maybe i’m forgetting someone, but from what i remember, this fact stood out to me almost as plainly, painfully, as the “Fat Little Dick” gag.) i’m pretty sure all she has in this world is her job, her weird crush on josh, and her smurfs collection. also, she’s short. that’s cool, but it’s not a personality, and any which way i don’t need to be reminded of it every page.

on a broader scale, i, personally, find lucy and josh both profoundly unlikeable. lucy is irritating and, if she were a friend of mine, i’d tell her to her face that she needs to get her shit together because this is ridiculous. and josh is just, an asshole? imo. he’s every other guy i’ve met at a bar who pretends he’s really into his personal development but at the same time he won’t go to a therapist. so, like, what’s the point? he’s dull at best, and i’m not surprised robbie amell’s been cast for the film adaptation (last i knew of, that is). and the thing is, like, in romance, the characters need to be likeable. you’re rooting for their personal lives; there is no “greater good” or whatever else at play here. all i care about are these people and, in this case… i can’t deal with them. if this was YA, absolutely, yes, i’m here for it. but, again, these characters are whole-ass adults. i don’t necessarily expect your life to be together at this point — mine certainly isn’t — but have some self-awareness, for the love of god.

ON THAT NOTE, the book’s focus is on these twenty-something romantic leads, but it reads so juvenile. meg cabot’s high school romances have more self-awareness and depth than these career-oriented Adults. don’t get me wrong — i’m all for relatable, for insecure, for the identity struggles that really shape your twenties, because oh my god, do I Get That, but this was just all so… god, it reminds me of the stuff i’d write in junior high. it’s like what i imagined it was gonna be like to be a grown-up. this is probably personal preference all over again, but it doesn’t read authentic to me. it’s shallow, and sexual without being really, actually emotional. i’m seeing the lust, but i’m being force-fed the love.

and, before i drop without precedent the whole “career-oriented” thing that the plot itself seems to have done — the professional, essential, conflict is never resolved. spoiler alert, i guess, but the conflict hinges on the love interests being up for the same promotion, but we end the book with the male lead quitting and taking a job elsewhere — so his career is stable, right, but the job that’s been waiting in the wings this whole time? your guess is as good as mine as to who gets it. much as i disliked this whole Thing, by the end i still hoped lucy would be offered some professional satisfaction, but we never actually find out.

and, listen, i don’t remember any of the sex scenes. i know they’re in there, but i have zero recollection because they’re boring. gratuitous, maybe, but that’s only if you believe some of the book’s naysayers. i guess i’m a naysayer, too, but it’s not because the sex stuff made me take up a confessional booth for ten minutes (no shame, i’m just saying, from experience, most priests don’t care if you read erotica, okay, they’ve heard it before and frankly they just wanna go home because it’s ten A.M. on a saturday and already they could use a shot of jack in their coffee),

but if y’all know me, you know i love a good sex scene. what i’m getting at here is that, like, these ones just slid off my radar like melted butter. not good melted butter, either. (this is a bad metaphor, maybe. but the point is that i don’t remember them and i don’t even care.)

i guess, on the whole, the tone here doesn’t land for me. it’s just not real, it feels so forced, so wannabe funny and edgy and relatable, but none of those hit quite right. when i first read it, i recall thinking sometimes that “alright, this isn’t bad,” but then i had to deal with “Fat Little Dick” again, or i was constantly reminded of other things — lucy is short, josh is hot, they hate each other, no scenery is described in a way that i can actually picture it, yadda yadda — or else i was subject to quite a bit of body-shaming. that shit was casually sprinkled all over the place, which was both irrelevant to the story, to the characters, and it was just obnoxious. this sort of casual bigotry happens in romance all the time and, like, i’m over it, so i’m gonna point it out every time i try something new and it crops up.

when this book was rec’d to me, when i saw all the accolades, i thought i was in for some new, fresh, revolutionary read — but then it wasn’t actually… anything. “sometimes it was sort of funny” is the best thing i can say about it, and that’s the best thing i can usually say about most other romances i’ve tried in the last couple years, so i’m not seeing the distinction here, i don't see anything special. i legitimately do not know why this book in particular is so popular. like, there are romances out there that i Hate, poetically, with the fire of a thousand suns, but at the same time i understand why they hit the bestseller list (yet another Discussion all on its own). but this one? i’ve got nothing.

i’m tentatively considering doing a reread. as i mentioned earlier, but this is probably only going to reinforce everything i don’t like about it, which means eventually i could perhaps give you a more comprehensive answer as to why i so thoroughly Did Not enjoy this book. but, like, who even wants to read that shit? ireally don’t mean to be an asshole about this, but I Don’t Get It, and some of it legitimately pissed me off (the body-shaming, lucy having no friends, both of which are entire Essays onto themselves) — and it’s that second thing i’m not gonna apologize for. in case anyone wanted an apology, but… too bad.

anyway, in the meantime, i hope this answers your question well enough. it’s actually probably Too Much. but i’m bored and lonely, so i’m gonna go off like a firework best i can, whoops.

#long post #y'all I am legit sorry if the read more link doesn't cut it #anonymous #ask

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furkanandiceng · 4 years

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FURKAN ANDIÇ BEMAN MAGAZINE (OCTOBER 2017) INTERVIEW TRANSLATION

You are on our screens with a very different role in Kanal D’s TV series “Meryem”. How is it going?

We’re very busy, to be honest. Just like every work in this sector, we film the episodes within a very limited time, which requires working at quite a busy pace. But I can say that, for us actors, the most important criteria of satisfaction is the quality of the final product. Because the feeling of satisfaction we get as a result of the effort we put in is indescribable. Then you think that it is worth the effort. What we do in Meryem really satisfies me, which in turn motivates me to keep up with this busy schedule.

Do you understand the situation Savaş is in? Do you communicate with the characters you play?

Before building a relationship with the characters I play, I create them. In this way, I know everything about the characters I play in the light of all the knowledge I have gained through my acting experiences so far. We form an opinion (about the character) with the help of the information in the script and character analysis. After that, you ask whatever questions you wish about that character into the space and help that character have a physical form, be something living. It may be a traumatic reflex from his past, or the reactions he gives to different emotions. Then, with our directors, we try to create the character by making all the connections between the total of these and his past given in the script.

Savaş’s situation is really interesing. Life has wounded him from somewhere other than daily problems such as money, love or work. He is a man who lost his mother at an early age and had to grow up separate from his house because of the conflicts he had with his father. And this has always made him emotionally incomplete. After he loses his fiancée who was filling this void and helping him hold onto life in an accident, everything becomes even more difficult for Savaş. The void created in his life after Sevinç’s death pushes him to avenge his emotional breakdown and to start a search of the criminal.

Can you control your anger? What makes you angry the most?

Anger is a very interesting emotion. A very natural, humane reaction when someone is assaulted or deprived of something. To be honest, I used to have a quick temper and show my anger to the other person. But as I got more mature, I have come to realize how tired the other person becomes as a result of such reactions. So in recent years, I can control my anger pretty well. I don’t make an extra effort for this either. What makes me angry the most is when someone takes me for a fool. We people are social beings; we have a tendency to live together in a community. And communication is the most valuable social tool we use to understand each other. We can resolve everything through communication, but the fact that people try to fool others is, in my opinion, like fraud. Because I think like this, I can say that I dislike when people take me for a fool.

You’ve had your first movie experience with “Damat Takımı”. It is going to be in theaters soon, are you excited?

Damat Takımı is very valuable to me. First of all, the script was good and I felt that the friendship of the characters was very similar to the friendship I have with my friends. This is very valuable. Secondly, both my Volkswagen Beetle car and my best friend and manager have minor roles in it, which I believe will bring good luck. And most importantly, Damat Takımı is my first movie.

I had always filmed TV series before this and was very picky about movies, and this had both advantages and disadvantages. Its bright side is that my first movie is like how I imagined. Such a movie that I will keep a copy throughout my life and watch it proudly whenever I wish. The downside is that I met the magical world of cinema late. Cinema is a very different field from TV. Since we don’t have time problem, every scene can be structured more finely, both by the actor and the director. The beginning and the end (of the script) is there, so you can build the character in more detail. And this made me feel as free as I had never felt before, which in turn was reflected directly in my acting. I am going to watch it for the first time on October 16th in the premiere, to be honest. So I can say that I’m very excited. I hope people who take time and watch it enjoy themselves too.

Is there a specific movie genre or character that you want to play in the future?

I want to work in projects that have good scripts and well-written characters that I believe I can portray well. And of course, I want to do all of these with an innovative team. In other words, like everything else, cinema changes rapidly so I want to work in projects that I think will catch up with this speed.

Frankly speaking, rather than being an actor limited to one genre, I want to play characters with diverse emotions and motivations, so I want to be not only in romantic comedies but also in different categories of movies such as drama, horror and action. I think, as an actor, my job is to wear the shoes of the character I will play and present the paths he walks and the choices he makes to the viewers.

Have you learnt anything from the characters you play?

The script’s uniqueness, the actor’s imagination and curiousity altogether can make the actor feel intense and real feelings that he’s never experienced before. The actor can even collect memories, so to speak, while experiencing those feelings. I learnt a lot of things from each of the characters I created. And I believe that made me a more mature person in life. Having different experiences and adding something to yourself while playing different characters are great opportunities for actors.

Among the countries you traveled to, where did you feel like you belonged?

Bali, Indonesia. The attractive disorderliness of the location... A lot of people travel from Europe to Bali. And many people who come bring along their cultures. But, on the other hand, the local people preserve their own religious beliefs and cultural values and this kind of creates a very orderly disorderliness in the island. The island’s unique and attractive natural beauties also made me feel like I belonged there. Beside this fascination, I can say that Bali is an ideal place for me considering my personality. I’m a person of warm climates. I like water and water sports. I like to observe different cultures and talk to people from those cultures. I can communicate with them easily and learn something from them. The local people in Bali also have the same sentiments and motivation toward the foreigners. This is why I love that place.

Have you ever had to break up with someone? If it’s not very personal, why?

Breaking up with someone is something dramatic for me, and I may have never told someone to break up in my life. But I may have played a significant part in the ending of some of my relationships, because at the end of the day, breaking up is a destruction. At work or in friendships, it is the end of a relationship in its general sense. We can say that it is destruction for both sides. That’s why I prefer keeping this destruction at minimum. Even if I’m the one destroying it, I try not to hurt the other person. That’s why I don’t want to say that I’ve broken up with someone. I probably managed to explain myself and my reasons, so I can’t give you any examples since I haven’t broken up with anyone.

When did you suffer because of love for the first time; are you in love right now?

I was 11 in 5th grade, and it was because I couldn’t confess to her. It was a very painful feeling. Loving someone romantically isn’t something we experience every day. That’s why we definitely have to protect our love. We may often be afraid to confess it to the other person, but I believe that nothing that may happen when we share our feelings can be worse than not sharing them at all. Nowadays, I’m not in love with anyone. You never know what future will bring but I can say that there’s no time for it in this tempo of my life.

Do you get help when you shop?

Yes. I make sure to ask the opinion of the person with me.

Is there anything that makes you say “I don’t want to die before I do it”?

I don’t want to die before filming a full-length movie that I’ve written. I hope I will have the chance to do it.

What is the book that had the biggest impact on you?

“Aşkın Gözyaşları” (Tears of Love) by Sinan Yağmur. Shams Tabrizi and Mevlana are two figures whose wisdom was admired not only during their days but even today. In the book, we see both their divine love and eternal values like loyalty, dedication, belief and reality. I also think that the book doesn’t take any sides and everyone can find sincere values about life in it.

Have you ever had a moment when you thought you grew mature?

Toward the end of 2000s, after high school, I went to Kiev, Ukraine. Going there made a big difference in my maturity level. Life was too difficult there. It wasn’t like a normal university life. I can say that it was more like a “fight for survival”. There was a huge difference between the living standards I had before I went to Kiev and after I went to Kiev. It taught me to live with less and to create something out of nothing. What made me mature was that I normalized the process and moved on with my life. I learnt a lot. It may also be because I was at an age when my personality was being set. So, in short, the time when I believe I grew mature was when I returned from Kiev.

Is there an attire that you wear all the time? What kind of style do you have?

My black and white t-shirts. As a style, I like getting dressed casually. Wearing simple and plain clothes is an aesthetic appearance, in my opinion. That’s why I don’t prefer very complicated pieces of clothing. Comfortable pants and a plain t-shirt can make me feel good. That’s when I think what I wear looks good on me. Also, I think what we call a style is the choices that make one feel good.

Who do you look up to the most in life?

I actually look up to a lot of people. Artists, athletes, scientists... I look up to every person who makes efforts to add value to the world rather than to achieve something when they are alive. I can say Keanu Reeves, for example. His humility, helpfulness and spiritual world is really admirable. He’s someone who weighs his work only in terms of the value it adds to the world. I believe that he has a focus like “How can the world become a better place with my performance or the money I earn?”. I think that his tragic background didn’t stop him from achieving his goal but even helped him have this vision. This is a level of patience and calmness that I can look up to greatly.

Why did you choose martial arts?

I did sports throughout my life. I was interested in many sports, particularly basketball. But they were all team sports. I learned different kinds of disciplines and skills, of course. But in this tempo of my life now, it’s really hard to form a team and dedicate myself to the team. So I started doing individual performance sports. The reason why I’ve chosen martial arts is the adrenaline and philosophy. You have different kinds of experiences due to adrenaline hormone. It teaches you to think reactively, know the opponent within a short time, foresee what’s coming, weigh the defense and attack at the same time and most importantly, to focus on that moment independently from everything else. They also have humble philosophies like respecting the opponent, preserving the body’s agility, not hurting the opponent, using intelligence more than excitement and achieving a mental tranquility. This is why I’m interested in martial arts.

Do you have a weakness for anything?

I can actually say that I have a weakness for fun. I noticed this through the observations of the people close to me. Like everyone else, I try to be with the people I love and spend fun time with them while enjoying life. And I can sometimes lose the track of time while doing it. Making the most of now is, in my opinion, life itself. So I may be trying to keep that fun time longer.

What does acting mean to you?

An achieved goal. But after achieving this goal, I’ve realized that it is a very deep and long journey. I know I still have a very long road ahead; it makes me very excited. In some scenes, actors can get too immersed in the depth of a moment. We may experience very exciting feelings in such moments. It is like you are given the chance to live a moment of someone else’s life in your own life. If an actor has really tasted this, he will probably want to collect such moments during the rest of his life as much as he can.

Are you happy with where you are?

Yes. I’m at a point where I feel I’m very open to learning. It had never been so fun to learn something. I’m satisfied with the point I have arrived by improving myself in my work life too.

Our motto is “BeStyle”. What’s yours?

“Know yourself.”

(English Sub) Q&A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmLBamZc-Vc

Backstage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BozrkARyLL4

#Furkan Andıç #FurkanAndıç #Beman #Magazine #Interview #Her Yerde sen #HerYerdeSen #Furkan

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just-come-baek · 5 years

Text

Wedding Fever 4

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Word count: 9.3k

Summary: Baekhyun is the best man, and I am the maid of honor at our friends’ wedding. Although should we be excited about our friends getting married, we seem to complain a lot more every time we meet for another preparation. Maybe it’s a bit fanciful of me to think that, but I hope, somewhere between choosing flowers and venting about the reception prep, he’ll like me just as I like him.

A/N one more chapter and we’re done. I hope you’ll like this update. The smut was supposed to be in this part, but I have a lot of things to prepare for the uni for tomorrow, so it’ll be in the last chapter. Don’t hate me that much, this chapter is a lot to handle even without it.

previous part | Masterlist | next part

***

When we returned home, everything went back to normal. Jiwoo and Hongbin were demanding as always, yet Baekhyun and I kept dismissing their commands chatting about everything instead of doing any wedding planning. Jiwoo ranted about flowers and their meanings, and even if Hongbin listened to her attentively, we couldn’t care any less.

“Can you stop flirting, and prove yourself helpful?” Jiwoo asked in an annoyed voice, and we just looked at her, knowing she wouldn’t stop pestering us until our attention would be on her. “We’re planning my big day; can you focus for a second?”

I wanted to correct her that it wasn’t only her big day, but also Hongbin’s though I bit my tongue, not wanting to stir the pot even more. Moreover, we were preparing for her big day; we still had almost a year until the ceremony. She was exaggerating, and how the hell did she come to the conclusion that Baekhyun and I were flirting? That was ridiculous!

“We’re not flirting,” I denied her accusations before Baekhyun managed to beat me to it; I had to do it because if I heard Baekhyun discredit the prospect of our relationship one more time, my heart would break into so many pieces no glue could ever put it together. It hurt me way less when I was the one who bothered to explain the nature of our acquaintanceship.

“We’re helping as much as we can,” Baekhyun added, taking my side of this small argument. I was thankful for his help, even though I knew how to reason with her since I had known Jiwoo for almost a decade. “And to answer your question, yes, we think roses are too basic.” He finished, and I giggled, admiring his boldness to criticize her choice of flower decorations.

Jiwoo believed in her impeccable sense in fashion; Baekhyun’s words must’ve struck the nerve, but she tried her best not to lose her composure. Facing such constructive criticism wasn’t her forte, though right now she seemed oddly calm.

Did her love for Hongbin change her so much?

I could barely recognize her at this point.

“OK, then what do you propose?” Jiwoo asked, folding her arms across her chest, tapping her foot against the wooden floor impatiently. Baekhyun hummed as he thought about an answer which would satisfy her finicky temper.

“What about tulips?” I interjected, and all of them looked at me, waiting for elaboration. “I just looked it up online, and it says that tulips basically represent consuming love. Besides, imagine that you walk down the aisle, wearing snow white dress. Your eyes wander around the church which’s decorated with colorful tulip bouquets.” I explained, and though Hongbin and Baekhyun seemed to be fond of my idea, Jiwoo wasn’t the tiniest bit convinced.

Couldn’t say I wasn’t surprised.

“Completely not my style,” Jiwoo said as she sighed, sitting down beside Hongbin, placing her hand on his thigh. “I want something more… elegant. Tulips sound lame.” I expected to hear exactly that, yet it still stung a little bit; she knew tulips were my favorite flowers, but it didn’t stop her from stating such a harsh view. “What else do you have there?”

“What about hydrangeas? You can arrange bouquets in many colors, even in bubble-gum pink and sky blue. They look very exquisite, and not everybody can afford them.” I read out loud, and I knew it piqued her interest, so I carried on. “In flower language, hydrangeas represent sensual love and devotion,” I lied. They represented vanity, and according to my humble opinion, the description couldn’t fit her better. “Have a look, they’re gorgeous.” I handed her my phone, and together with her fiancé, she studied the photographs.

“What do you think about it, honey?” She asked sweetly, as she threw her leg over his laps, now playing with his hair when he held the phone and wondered if the flowers fit the general wedding theme. “They look beautiful, but I just don’t feel it.”

I wanted to groan when I heard her complaints. Why on Earth did she invite me here if she wanted to castigate every idea I’d come up with? I was bending over backward to help her, and she didn’t even consider my propositions. Why did I even bother?

I should’ve stayed at home.

She offered a bottle of delicious wine, but it wasn’t worth the humiliation I was receiving.

“I want something opulent, yet unusual at the same time. Maybe we should experiment with flowers and foliage? We could contact the best florist in the city, and she’d help us make the perfect bouquets! I’m thinking about something extravagant like, for example, herbs, or perhaps something more exotic.” She voiced her thoughts, and Hongbin nodded, willing to do everything for Jiwoo to have the wedding of her dreams.

“Ugh…” Baekhyun groaned as he reached for the bottle of wine. “Too much sugar,” he bitterly commented when he looked at them giving each other Eskimo kisses. “I think I’m gonna throw up. Do you want a refill?” Baekhyun offered, and I stretched my arm with an empty glass, ready for another dose of alcohol in my system.

If they were going to make out in front of us again, I might’ve as well numbed my senses with wine. Recently, I was too sensitive to public display of affection. Whenever I saw a happy couple, I was reminded of the kiss that I had shared with Baekhyun back in his parents’ house. I knew it was unhealthy to relive that memory, and it had to stop.

The timing couldn’t be any better for a resolution. I watched the lovebirds being so in love, and I wanted to experience these feelings, too. I deserved happiness, and since Baekhyun didn’t want to give it to me, I had to move on and seek it somewhere else. He wasn’t the only fish in the sea, and it was about time I comprehend that.

By the time of their wedding, I’ll have found someone worthy of my love.

“I think I need something a bit stronger than that, but pour it nonetheless,” I answered, and Baekhyun laughed, shaking his head, as he couldn’t believe that I actually said that out loud. “Beggars can’t be choosers,” I toasted, considering this exact moment as the beginning of another chapter of my life.

***

The weekend finally arrived – the first one after I had made my brilliant resolution. I was enthusiastic when I thought about getting back to dating. Unfortunately, when I came back home from work, I felt a little bit anxious. I had been dating ages ago, (back when Jungkook and I were a thing) and I was terrified to get back into the game.

Trying to save me embarrassment, I decided to spend the week focusing only on myself; it’d be a nice change after spending an entire week ‘auditioning’ local bands for Jiwoo’s wedding. According to her, DJs were too cliché, but regional performers hadn’t met her standards, either.

Also, she had a meeting with the best florist in the country scheduled for the next week, whereas the music agenda was ‘outsourced’ to Baekhyun and me.

This weekend was going to be all about me. I’d cook myself a nice dinner, and serve it with a bottle of my favorite semi-sweet wine. And I’d read a newly published romance novel while listening to trashy TV playing in the background. Later on, I’d take a relaxing bath, put a face mask, and have the beauty sleep which I had been deprived for way too long.

It was going to be perfect.

Everything was well-planned, and I had already told Jiwoo I couldn’t help her this weekend, so if she seriously needed expertise on anything to trash-talk later, she had to turn to Baekhyun. Regardless of how little she valued my contribution, I was beyond her reach this weekend.

And frankly, I wasn’t even sorry.

Sticking to my plan, I opened the refrigerator and analyzed what I could prepare without going outside; I had all ingredients for pizza, and though I fancied something else, I decided not to be picky. My pizza is yummy, and even if I had an appetite for something different, I’d eat it deliciously.

Having turned on the cooking channel, I got to work. Kneading the dough was the worst part, so I started with it. I prepared the other ingredients while the dough was rising. Within thirty minutes, everything was set, and when the temperature inside the oven was sufficient, I put it in.

I set the timer, and sat on the couch, pouring myself another glass of wine. Unfortunately, just when I focused on the screen, the woman on the show stopped talking, and the commercial break started. Just my luck. Could it get any worse?

And to answer my question, it could.

The Cutest Butt | 18:41 | are you busy?

What the hell did he want? I was going to spend some quality time alone, mostly because I was trying to forget about my stupid feelings. And right now, he was going to intrude?

Nope.

Not today.

Me | 18:42 | yep

Me | 18:42 | I’m busy

Me | 18:42 | sorry

Me | 18:42 | why are you asking?

I couldn’t let him catch me in his cobweb again. It was a miracle that I escaped (or at least I thought I did) his trap and he was just trying to lure me in with these silver strings again. It was tempting, but it’d be a mistake. First of all, I needed the distance. And then, I’d go on a date with the exact opposite of him. It’d be impossible to move on if he was around.

The Cutest Butt | 18:43 | I just wanted to hang out…

The Cutest Butt | 18:43 | whatcha doing?

I groaned, not really having the heart to lie to him. Well… I could, quite easily actually, but at the same time, I knew I’d go insane due to guilt. Whether he was aware of it or not, Baekhyun was a very precious person to me, and I’d feel terribly with my confabulation.

Me | 18:44 | I have a business meeting

Lying to him via the phone was simpler than doing that to his face. However, I should’ve thought about his reaction before I texted him; he was calling me right away, and I had no guts to either answer or decline the call. Talking was way more intimate than texting, and I was incapable of telling him lies without breaking my voice. He’d catch me right away.

My phone kept ringing, and when I was weighing my options, I heard knocking on my doors. Yeah, it was my weekend, yet everybody seemed to want to intrude my time alone.

Fun-fucking-tastic!

Not daring to answer the call, I fumbled with the lock, since I figured out I’d shoo the pestering stranger away, and then deal with the ignored phone calls from Baekhyun.

All at once, Baekhyun dialed my number once again, the oven started to beep, and I swung the doors open, internally screaming when I saw the last person I wished to visit me.

Damn Byun Baekhyun.

He had his phone pressed tightly against his ear, as he looked at me, and smiled warmly. “Are you having your business meeting wearing this?” He asked, and I blushed when I realized I was standing in front of him, wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants, an over-sized yellow T-shirt, no bra, and most importantly, no make-up.

“I was getting ready to leave, actually,” I said, lying shamelessly. The aroma of pizza lingered in the air, and it definitely reached Baekhyun’s nostrils. And even if didn’t, the beeping was giving away the mystery behind the delicious fragrance. “And what are you doing here exactly?”

“I was meeting a client in the neighborhood, and I thought I’d stop by, so I texted you. Then you wrote you’re busy, and I saw you had lights on, so I decided to check it out. I had a hunch that you were just trying to blow me off, but just in case there was a burglar I walked upstairs.” He explained, but his tone wasn’t the tiniest bit offended; if anything, he sounded amused and playful.

“Get inside, I hope you’re hungry,” I invited him in as I rushed to the kitchen to get the pizza out of the oven before it’d burn. Shortly after, Baekhyun joined me, and I reached to the cupboard for two plates and a wine glass for him.

“Wow, it looks and smells delicious,” Baekhyun peeked over my shoulder, “it probably tastes even better.” He added, and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re embarrassing me,” I said, and he just shrugged nonchalantly, letting me know he wasn’t going to stop complimenting me or/and my culinary skills because I told him not to.

“So… aren’t you going to reschedule your meeting?” Baekhyun inquired, as he sat down on the high stool, watching me cut the pizza for us. “It seemed pretty urgent.”

"The meeting is with myself," I genuinely answered, knowing there was no point in trying to keep lying. Baekhyun wasn’t interested in me, and I wasn’t going to act like a lady which I am not just to impress him. I was going to spend my evening just the way I planned it, and if Baekhyun wanted to intrude, he had to suffer through all of it. “You may as well join me. It’s gonna be super fun.”

“Oh, okay. What do you have in mind?” Baekhyun asked, taking a sip of his wine.

“We’ll eat, and then we’ll read some books. And later, we’ll do face masks. What do you think?”

Judging by the look on his face, he was terrified; his masculinity was very much threatened.

Having eaten the entire pizza and drunk a half the bottle, we moved to the couch; I occupied one side with a thick romance novel on my laps, while Baekhyun sat by the other end, reading something on his phone. The trashy TV was playing in the background, but none of us seemed to care about it.

Regardless of how hard I tried to focus on the reading, my eyes ran over the words, but my mind didn’t register them. I was at the bottom of the page, but I had no idea what I just read. And whose fault was that? Baekhyun’s! He didn’t even do anything; he just sat there. Effortlessly, he frustrated me, and I couldn’t concentrate on my novel.

“What’s going on? You’re glaring at me as if you want to dig my eyes out with a screwdriver,” Baekhyun said jokingly, and I reprimanded myself for staring at him so obviously. “Do you want me to go? Because if you need space, I’m a grown-up man, I can handle rejection.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just a little angry because of the character.” I answered, and it wasn’t a complete lie; the heroine was kind of annoying, and some of her actions (which my brain somehow recorded) made my blood boil. “You can stay here for as long as you want. You’re always welcome here.”

“You didn’t sound so welcoming when I was calling you…” Baekhyun said in an artificial offended tone. “But you shared your food with me, so we’re cool. Your pizza is to die for.” He added, and I groaned internally, thinking there’s nothing left for me to try to seduce him. The way to man’s heart is through the stomach, but in my case, even the feast wouldn’t work.

“Easy there. Complimenting me won’t get you another serving. This restaurant is closed.” I jested, and Baekhyun looked at me fondly, trying to make me give in. His eyes were glowing, his graze was soft, and if I hadn’t made my resolution, I’d have fallen for this trap.

“Too bad, I’m not full yet,” he said, stretching his numb limbs. Looking around my apartment, he massaged his stomach. “Well… you baked the pizza, so it’s only fair that now I cook something for you. Do you mind?”

“Not at all; you know where the kitchen is,” I said casually, relieved that he’d disappear out of my face. I couldn’t focus on anything when he was so close; more distance would do wonders to me. Now, with ease, I could take my phone, and install Tinder.

My problem was defined, and a new love interest would be the best remedy.

While Baekhyun was fumbling in the kitchen, I was setting up my profile. It was challenging to come up with an original bio and a passable profile picture, but by the time Baekhyun served his dish, I already swiped a few guys right. I had a whole week to weed out the weird ones, and I was positive.

“What is this?” I asked him since I couldn’t tell on the first glance what the hell he prepared. It looked strange, and it smelled even worse, but I appreciated the effort he had put into making it. Maybe, it tasted better than it looked, and I hoped it was the case.

“It was supposed to be spaghetti, but I think I’ve messed it up,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “You shouldn’t have let me in the kitchen. We should’ve just ordered takeout.” He confessed, and I laughed. Baekhyun was adorable, and even though I had made a promise to myself not to fall for him more, I felt more hooked with each sweet gesture of his.

“But you know what they say, “when you’re hungry, just have wine, maybe you’re just thirsty.” Thankfully, we have a lot of wine left,” I said, and Baekhyun smiled at me. Could he stop? It was driving me insane.

“It’s not a healthy approach,” Baekhyun remarked, and I poured us more wine.

“I never said it was,” I replied, smiling at him. “Let’s finish this bottle and go to sleep.”

“It’s not that late, I can go home,” Baekhyun said casually, and I had to admit – his words saddened me. Was I so repulsive? Boring perhaps? Sleeping with me hadn’t bothered him before, so what has changed? One moment, he is so warm and friendly, but in the other one, awfully cold. I hadn’t wanted him in the first place, but since he was already here, it disappointed me when he desired to leave.

“Oh,” I breathed out, not knowing what else to say. “OK, sure, if that’s what you want,” I added, and chugged down the rest of my wine, not risking the chance of slipping out something even more embarrassing. Baekhyun was in the area and stopped by for a while, and I turned the situation into an all-night pajama party. How silly of me.

Baekhyun finished his glass of wine, and then I escorted him to the doors. Casually, he said goodbye and wished me goodnight, but that was it. He went through the doors, and he was gone. In my head, I imagined him running back to me and kissing my breath away, but nothing of sorts happened.

And at this point, I should be glad it didn’t.

It was another reason to get over him; he didn’t see me that way, and it was about time I finally comprehended that. I had experienced it so many time that the words ‘he’s just not into you’ should be imprinted in my brain. Baekhyun was gone, and I was about to give my heart to someone who’d accept it.

***

Next Friday, Jiwoo and I met for another bridal appointment. So far, she had tried on over twenty wedding dresses, yet not even one had met her expectations. Jiwoo had always dreamt about a huge ball gown, but whatever dressed she wore, she could find flaws.

“I must tell you something,” I said when we waited for our assistant. “I have a date tomorrow,” I announced, and Jiwoo looked at me utterly surprised. Was the news that flabbergasting? It had been too much time since my last date, but she shouldn’t be that taken-aback. “I’m very anxious about it.”

“There’s nothing to be anxious about,” Jiwoo answered, trying to calm me down. For her, it was normal to go on dates; even before Hongbin, she dated regularly. I, on the other hand, was a completely different story. “Did you finally ask Baekhyun, or did he ask you?” She inquired indifferently, as she picked up a catalog with their autumn collection.

“Actually, I’m seeing someone else. Baekhyun’s an old story.” I announced, and once again, Jiwoo glanced at me, completely not expecting such a turn of events. Jiwoo asked me about the guy, and I was a bit embarrassed that I met him via dating app, so I lied. “His name is Taehyung, and we work together. And I must tell you, he’s a sweetheart.”

“So it’s over between you and Baekhyun?” She asked, and I refrained from laughing in her face; how could things between Baekhyun and me be over when we never were in a relationship to begin with? If anything it was one-sided pinning, and it was definitely over. “Shame, even though he annoys me sometimes, you two looked cute together.”

Ouch!

The assistant finally came. “Hello, my name is Hakyeon, and which one of beautiful ladies is the bride?” He asked, studying our features, and I pointed at Jiwoo; she was the heroine, and I was just her sidekick and sometimes mental support. “Tell me about your wedding.” Hakyeon encouraged, and Jiwoo began her lecture about Hongbin, how they met, how he proposed, what style the wedding was going to be, a trillion of other unnecessary details, and her perfect dress. It took Hakyeon almost an hour to escort her to the changing room.

Every dress Jiwoo tried on was beautiful, but she was determined to find a flaw on each one. She wanted to look like a princess on her big day, but none of the dresses made her feel like one. All of them were captivating and elegant, but they weren’t the dress.

Hakyeon even tried to convince her to try a different style – a mermaid. In my opinion, she’d look gorgeous, but she had made her mind, and nothing could alter her concept.

After 3 hours of trying on wedding dresses and making another appointment, we left the salon and went to a nearby Italian restaurant. It was Jiwoo’s treat.

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you,” she remembered when the waiter walked away with our order. “Hongbin and I bought dancing classes for us.”

“Oh, good luck then,” I said, not sure how I should take this information.

“Let me finish,” she added excitedly. “The dance studio had this 2+2 promotion, and we figured you and Baekhyun could join us. Two hours every Wednesday; what do you think?”

It was a bad idea.

Baekhyun’s presence was messing with my head, and dance is a very intimate form of interaction. However, it regarded Jiwoo’s wedding, and ditching was never an option. I’d have to suffer through it for her sake. It was just two hours a week, I could handle it.

“Sure.”

***

The dancing classes were actually not that bad. Baekhyun and I were not dancing the right steps, and no matter how terribly our performance was, the teacher was incredibly friendly and supportive. She was one of these very positive people, who despite seeing all your mistakes encouraged you to keep dancing.

Jiwoo and Hongbin seemed to be slightly better than Baekhyun and I. Unlike us, they weren't acting so awkward around each other. Also, they were pressured to dance flawlessly, whereas Baekhyun and I were just doing it for fun, so we could actually slack off a bit more.

“It feels so strange not being scolded,” Baekhyun whispered into my ear when our teacher instructed us to focus on the steps that we somehow took quite well. “She’s like the complete opposite of Jiwoo, and I’m not sure which end of the spectrum annoys me more.”

“I don’t know, either,” I said casually, trying my best not to feel affected by his closeness. “We’ve been under Jiwoo’s tyranny for so long, I think we’re used to being treated like that.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Baekhyun agreed with a deep sigh, probably thinking about a handful of memories in which we had been pushed around throughout the planning process. “Like always,” he whispered against my hair.

Wow, he was definitely too close.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, curious whether I was right or not.

“About cake,” Baekhyun said in a serious tone, but I only chuckled; it was astonishingly random. “One of the reasons why I agreed to become the best man was because Hongbin promised to take me with them when they were going to pick up the wedding cake. And it’s been months, and so far there has been no cake. Can you believe it?”

“How could they?” I snickered, and Baekhyun shook his head, a bit disappointed that I wasn’t as serious as he was. “I can bet you’ll get your cake soon enough. And if anything, you know I don’t like desserts that much, so I will share with you,” I added, and Baekhyun smiled at me, now contented with my answer.

“OK, one more time from the beginning, and we’ll finish for today,” the instructor said, and all of us waited for the music to start playing. Slowly, we followed the rhythm, entirely focused on each other’s eyes. For short three minutes, we were in our own world, communicating only with tender glances and shy smiles.

“You were great, see you next Wednesday.” She clapped her hands, and we thanked her for the lesson, even if we had learned very close to nothing. But we had plenty of time left to grasp the basics, so I wasn’t that worried. By the time of their wedding, Baekhyun and I will have been dancing on a professional level.

“Wait up guys,” Jiwoo hollered when I stepped away from Baekhyun, wanting to change my shoes. “We wanted to thank you properly for putting up with all of this.” Jiwoo started, staring into Hongbin’s eyes, squeezing his hand fondly. “I know we are a lot to handle sometimes, so Hongbin and I booked a paintball ranch for tonight. What do you think?”

Jiwoo seemed very genuine about the matter, and I loved her idea. I could finally put an end to my pent-up frustration. We would go into the woods, and I’d have a chance to shoot all of them with the paint. Baekhyun – for confusing me all the time and being so oblivious to my feelings, Jiwoo – for pushing me around all the time in regards of her wedding and whatnot and Hongbin – for being there in the middle of my personal drama and not doing anything to help me. I had lots of anger bottled up, and she gave me an opportunity to unleash it.

“It’s perfect; let’s go,” I answered enthusiastically, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically judging by their confused stare; maybe it was slightly out of my character, but once she announced the news, I couldn’t help myself but feel ecstatic about it.

I hadn’t been honest about my feelings, and I had to take it out on something, and paintball seemed more than suitable.

***

“How was your date?” Jiwoo asked me when we were alone in the changing room, putting on camouflage overalls. “How was it? Did you make out with him?”

Frankly, the date with Taehyung was perfect; he was an ideal combination of warmth, wit, and composure. Moreover, he was absurdly good-looking; he had soft hazelnut hair, big captivating eyes, and an incredible sense of fashion. I’d love to go out with him again, but he had one major flaw – he resembled Baekhyun too much, and it wasn’t fair for him if I kept seeing him. I knew he was too good to be some sort of a rebound, and I had told him just that.

His smile was just identical, and I couldn’t stand being reminded of Baekhyun every time Taehyung flashed his pearls. I needed someone entirely different, and even when personality-wise they were remarkably contrasting, I couldn't handle looking at him every day. I just had to keep searching for someone else, regardless of how unnatural it felt to turn down such an astonishing guy as Taehyung.

Jiwoo mustn’t have known the truth, so I lied.

“Yeah, we did; Taehyung walked me home, and then we made out. He’s a great kisser.” We hadn’t gone further than holding hands during the walk after the dinner. “And I wanted to invite him inside for a cup of coffee, but he happened to be a real gentleman.” I’d just spilled the truth about Baekhyun, and how I wanted to move on. “We’re meeting next Friday.” We’re not meeting ever again unless I change my mind and he’s still single. “But now, when I’m reflecting on the date, I think I don’t want to limit myself to one guy just yet.” Another lie if Jiwoo asks me why I’m having a date with a different man.

“I barely recognize you,” she hollered, patting my shoulder encouragingly. “You go, girl!”

“Yeah, it’s about time I get some,” I added, determined to actually do it. When in bed with a nice guy, Baekhyun would be the last of my concerns, and that’s what needed to be done. I really strived a pleasant date and a couple of mind-blowing orgasms.

“Atta girl! You have my full support,” Jiwoo cheered genuinely, and I wanted to shoot her with paint just a bit less. Sometimes, she could be remarkably annoying, but in a few rare moments, she was exactly the friend I needed. (Especially if I needed a little push to do the stupid but spontaneous thing.)

“Thanks,” I answered, closing my locker.

“No problem,” she said, and I sat on the bench, waiting for her. “You know what; I have to make a quick phone call. Why don’t you get the markers? I’ll join you in a while,” Jiwoo proposed, and with a sigh, I obliged with her proposition. It seemed reasonable.

Quickly, I left the locker room and walked to the reception where they distributed markers. I was the fastest one among my friends so I could choose the color, and since I knew Jiwoo would kill me if I picked pink, I settled on green.

I waited for the rest, and when we were ready, one of the employees led me to the northern gate, while the others were escorted to the other entrances.

The forest was rather dark at this hour, but every few trees there were electrical lanterns, shining some light. It was notably silent; hooting aside, I couldn’t detect anything. Gingerly, I moved onward. If anyone was nearing me, I could hear them in an instant. I was about to win this. Failure was not an option – I had to be the last one standing.

It was maybe fifteen minutes, and I didn’t notice any of my friends. Did they manage to finish each other off before my arrival? That would be disappointing – I wanted to be the one to take them down.

Somewhere within my earshot, I heard someone’s presence. Cautiously, I looked around but whoever it was either hid behind the tree or just lurked in the shadows. Smiling excitedly, I held my marker high and aimed. Slowly, I spun around; I didn’t see my opponent, but I could tell that he or she was waiting for the perfect moment to attack.

Suddenly, I felt hands on my body; one was wrapped around my waist, the other on my mask. Whoever caught me couldn’t shoot me, so I had a chance to free myself and then counterattack. I wriggled, but unsuccessfully; the opponent was stronger and taller than me which meant it could be any one of them.

Before I noticed, I was trapped, being squeezed between the tree and the opponent. Our position didn’t allow having a clear shot, so I still wasn’t worried about my victory. Confidently, I looked up and saw the most beautiful pair of eyes which I could recognize everywhere – it was Baekhyun. Slowly, staring at me, he took off his mask. Why the hell was he teasing me instead just taking me down instantly?

Was he one of the predators who played with its prey before killing it?

“You’re so dead,” Baekhyun whispered as he took off my mask.

“Don’t get so cocky,” I teased, thinking how to use the current situation to my advantage. Baekhyun underestimated my skills, and I had a chance to outsmart him. But then, my brain froze when he leaned in and kissed me fervently.

It wasn’t like our first kiss; right now, he was quick, passionate, and maybe even slightly aggressive. During our first, we were slow, enjoying our little moment, but now, he was kissing me hard as if he was running out of time.

It confused me, but I couldn’t help myself; the sensation overwhelmed me, and I kissed him back, shamelessly moaning when he pressed his body against mine. It was just a kiss, but without any doubt, it was the most erotic episode in my life.

After what it seemed a century, he pulled out. I felt as if he stole all of my energy with his lips, and I almost whined at the lack of his warmth.

I was utterly confused. What did the hell happen? Did he just kiss me?

“Why?” I asked barely audibly, but Baekhyun instead of answered me, he just smirked, and took a few steps away from me, shooting my chest four times with yellow paint.

“Cocky you say,” Baekhyun said in a low voice, and I bit my bottom lip in wrath. How could he play me like that? It was a low blow. Did he know about my feelings and use them against me in such an infantile way? How could he? Now, I was ashamed for harboring feelings for him in the first place. What a dick!

I couldn’t let him leave like that. Maybe I was dead, but it was just a game, and I had a set of paintballs, and I wasn’t going to let them go to waste. It wasn’t why I came here. I needed revenge, and that was what I was about to execute.

“Baekhyun?” I called his name, using a mixture of scared and confused tone. Immediately, he turned around to enjoy his victory, but then I pressed the trigger. I didn’t miss once, and when my marker was empty, Baekhyun was all covered with green paint.

“I hope it was worth it,” I angrily said before I stormed off to the northern gate.

***

After that evening at the paintball ranch, I didn’t contact either of them. Mostly because of Baekhyun, but also because I was busy coordinating Jiwoo’s surprise bachelorette party. It’s a tradition that the bridesmaids organize the bachelorette party, but Jiwoo forbade us to do anything; it was her party, and she wanted to prepare it by herself.

I couldn’t let that happen. I was the maid of honor, and it was my duty. That’s why I made a group chat with other Jiwoo’s friends and convinced them to throw her a surprise bachelorette party. (This weekend, so she wouldn’t suspect a thing.)

The first point on our list was a fashion show – Jiwoo loved brand clothes, and the idea of taking her there seemed perfect. Later on, we would go go-kart racing since she loves speeding, and then we would end up in the lounge in the most fashionable club in the city, ogling at the most handsome stripper they could provide us with.

Without any doubt, Jiwoo would love it.

It was eight p.m., and Jiwoo’s two other friends were to escort her to the racetrack where other bridesmaids and I were waiting for her to deliver the information about her surprise bachelorette party.

When she arrived, she was taken aback and swayed by our intrigue.

“Guys, you really didn’t have to,” she said with plenty of gratitude in her voice, but I only smiled and handed her the gear she would need to race. “First, the fashion show, and now this? I love you all,” Jiwoo added, taking the equipment from me.

“I hope you can forgive me ditching the dancing classes when you know what kept me busy,” I said, hoping she’d understand my reasons. I had to lie to her in order not to get caught.

“I actually thought you were avoiding Baekhyun, to be honest,” Jiwoo concluded, yet I quickly denied her suspicions although she was partly right. I was conscious I was a laughing stock to him, and I got enraged at the mere mention of his name. Now, when my emotions were out of the bag, I didn’t have enough pride to face him.

“Nah, I was just making sure that your surprise bachelorette party is perfect,” I answered with a bright smile upon my face, actually looking forward to having lots of fun. It was her night, but I still could race as if my life depended on it, and pick up someone at the club.

The moment all of us were dressed in racing suits, we got into the go-karts. And to make the race more interesting, we decided to have a bet – whoever gets first to the finishing line also gets a private show at the club with a stripper of their choice.

Just as I expected, Jiwoo, being the crazy driver, won the race – she was the bride, she deserved victory. It was her bachelorette party, after all. I, on the other hand, arrived almost the last, but my loss didn’t hurt me that much. I was just too happy for Jiwoo to care.

In the limo, there were a few bottles of champagne to get us in the right mood before hitting the club. We couldn’t intoxicate ourselves earlier, so the short limo ride was our first and last chance to do so.

“It’s better than I’ve ever expected it to be,” Jiwoo admitted when the glasses were filled with the bubbly alcohol. “I love you guys,” she confessed, drinking her champagne in one go, and although I wasn’t nearly as good of a drinker as she was, I mirrored her actions.

“The bar is high, and we’re not even finished,” Jiwoo’s cousin mentioned, reminding Jiwoo that she will have a hard time topping our bachelorette party. “The best is yet to come,” she added as she pulled a bag with gadgets which signified that we’re indeed participating in a wild bachelorette party.

“Oh God, please no,” Jiwoo groaned and rolled her eyes upon seeing the tacky decorations. “I take that back about loving you guys. You are the worst,” Jiwoo complained, but none of us really cared. It was a tradition, and she had to suffer through it.

When the champagne was drunk to the last drop and the limousine parked in front of the club, we exited the vehicle and marched to our reserved lounge. It was in the VIP section, and I was very excited to experience such a glamour life for the first time.

Once we were all seated, I told the waiter to bring the bottle of their best rum, even though I was already buzzed after having all of that champagne. Jiwoo wasn’t affected by the alcohol at all, and it was our job to get her drunk.

“I can’t believe you made me wear it,” Jiwoo nagged, taking off her fancy dildo tiara. “I have an image to maintain, I can’t wear shit like that,” she added, and since we didn’t want to hear her complains all night long, we decided to let her do whatever she pleases.

Excitedly, Jiwoo poured us drinks, and we made a solemn toast for her night. Tonight, her place was in the spotlight, and I was going to encourage her to grasp as much attention as she could. Tonight, she was a superstar, and all of us were mere admirers.

“Are you ready for the main highlight?” I asked when we put our glasses on the table.

“The highlight?” Jiwoo wondered as she looked at me. “Does he have a name?”

“His stage name is pretty shitty, but I talked to him yesterday, and I can assure you he’s completely your style,” I answered, and the other girls hollered excitedly, as she couldn’t wait any longer for the stripper to show up. His performance was for Jiwoo, but the rest of us were thirsty for some nudity. “His name is Wonho. Wait a second, I’ll go get him.”

Quickly, I notified the manager about our request, and she told me she’d send Wonho to our lounge in no time. “Oh my God, he’s coming!” I shouted when I saw him walking behind me. “That’s Wonho,” I excitedly said when I sat down in our lounge.

“Which one of the beautiful ladies is the bride?” Wonho asked, and the girls squealed despite his slight speech defect. Almost instantly, his eyes stopped at Jiwoo, and she waved at him, acting unnaturally shy.

Wonho’s performance was explicit; he rocked his hips sensually, and I could vouch I caught Jiwoo moaning when he was dancing on her thighs. His enormous muscles flexed as he moved, and though he was absolutely not my style, I couldn’t help but ogle. He was excellent at what he was doing, and it was apparent that the girls would agree with me.

Although there’s a no-touching rule, it didn’t stop Jiwoo from doing that. Wonho didn’t seem to mind her ministrations, either. Maybe it was a bit paranoid of me, but Jiwoo looked as if she enjoyed his show a bit too much. I quickly dismissed this thought; it was her bachelorette party, it was her duty to have more fun. They weren’t doing anything wrong, after all. It was as innocent as stripping could be.

Unfortunately, Wonho couldn’t dance all night long. The performance had to end, and though unwillingly, we let him leave. With a body like his, he must’ve had other customers.

When we finished the ordered bottle of rum, we ordered some fancy cocktails. The alcohol has already clouded my mind, but I was having a lot of fun, so I didn’t mind another dose. It had been too long since I had this much fun, and I was going to get the most of this night.

Tonight was a perfect opportunity to dance with my girl friends, and then get laid with one of the hot guys met in the club. It had never been my thing, but having been under the dry-spell for so long, I no longer cared.

Having drunk the sweet cocktail, I was seriously buzzed; (probably as drunk as all of the girls together.) In a perfect mood, I hit the dance floor.

I was having so much fun I didn’t realize how much time I was actually there. It felt like twenty minutes, but so many people were now on the dance floor, it probably was two hours.

Out of breath, I ordered another cocktail, and when the bartender gave it to me, I returned to our lounge where some of the girls were chatting frantically. Casually, I joined their conversation, and we all giggled when remembering Wonho’s performance. Without any doubt, they were to hire him again for another bachelorette party.

“You rocked back there,” Jiwoo’s cousin said, mentioning my dance moves, and I just shrugged, being used to hearing compliments about it.

“Thanks,” I replied indifferently, sticking the straw between my lips, sipping the cocktail. “And what about you girls? Why aren’t you dancing?” I asked, changing the topic, not being comfortable being in the center of attention for too long.

“We’re going for a smoke. Are you going with us?” Jiwoo’s co-worker announced, but I shook my head. I don’t smoke, and at this time when it’s so cold outside, accompanying them was the last thing on my mind. If they wanted to freeze their butts off, they had to do it alone.

“I’ll pass but thank you for the offer,” I said, watching them go outside.

Sitting alone in the lounge, I quickly finished the cocktail and went to the bathroom. Strangely enough, there was no queue in front of it; I just pushed the doors opened and walked inside. Only to rush out as soon as I saw a couple which fucked on the sink.

“Seriously?” I asked rhetorically, as I wasn’t able to believe they couldn’t have made it to the cubicle. They had to fuck right there for everyone to see. The audacity!

Annoyed beyond endurance, I stood a few meters from the entrance, waiting for them to be finished. I highly doubted they could go for long in such circumstances. And I was right; it maybe was three minutes, and they were gone.

However, I couldn’t believe my eyes what I saw. It was Jiwoo and Wonho. I knew what I had seen; she fucked the stripper, and there was no way I was misreading the situation. She really cheated on Hongbin.

Wow, so she hadn’t changed after all.

Having witnessed the infidelity, I lost my focus, functioning on the autopilot. I could remember going to the bathroom, ordering another cocktail at the bar, rejecting a few guys who wanted to dance with me, chatting with Jiwoo when she was ordering shots for herself, and lastly, Jiwoo calling someone to pick up “his girlfriend” because I had drunk one cocktail too many. I barely registered what was going on around me, but her phone call still confused me. Excuse you, I wasn’t anybody’s girlfriend.

As soon as she hung up, she told the bartender to stop making me drinks, and despite me, being one of the best customers that night, he had the nerve to obey her.

“I heard you’re causing trouble,” I heard a familiar voice when he leaned in and placed his hand on my back. “Jiwoo told me to collect you, so here I am.”

“Wow, since when you’re her bitch?” I asked, too drunk to filter my words. Jiwoo and Baekhyun had done me wrong, and I wasn’t going to pretend I was okay with their shenanigans. I was sick and tired of being their friend, and it was about time they found out what I thought. “I’m not causing trouble, so you can go back to minding your own business.”

“First of all, I’m not her bitch,” Baekhyun said, a bit fed up with my attitude. “I came here because I was concerned,” he added, and I laughed loudly. It was a good one. He was concerned – yeah, right. It was foolish of him if he seriously thought I’d fall for that. “It’s not funny, I mean it. And why are you acting like that? Has something happened?”

Plenty of things happened which led me to this situation, but it was for the better he didn’t know. Baekhyun wasn’t invested in this chaos, and I didn’t want to drag him in. It was already too complicated without him, and I knew he’d only stir more drama.

“It’s none of your concern,” I answered stubbornly, refusing to share anything with him. “And if you want me to feel better, just order me another cocktail. I’m thirsty,” I said, and Baekhyun turned to the bartender, ordering me a glass of water. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“You need to sober up, and I’ll take you home,” Baekhyun said, and I rolled my eyes, knowing I wasn’t going to leave with him. I was to leave the club with somebody who would fuck me, and since Baekhyun viewed me only platonically, it wasn’t an option.

“No way,” I spoke, jumping off the high stool. If he expected it to be easy, he was wrong. I was done with him, so he might as well leave right now.

“Don’t be like that,” Baekhyun whispered into my ear when he wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled me against him. “Let me get your coat.” His breath tickled my skin, and I shut my eyes close, cursing myself for not pushing him away.

Baekhyun walked away to bring me my coat, and I stood there like an idiot, easily manipulated by his sweet talk. He knew what influence he had on me, and he used it to make me his little puppet.

Thankfully, it was the last time I’d see him. With the knowledge I possessed, I couldn’t be Jiwoo’s maid of honor anymore. The only excuse I had to meet him wasn’t valid now, and it gave me hope for starting anew with someone who appreciated me for who I was. I had wasted enough time on the friendship with them anyway.

“Here,” he said, mentioning me to turn around, so he could help me put it on. “Where is your purse?” Baekhyun inquired when he noticed I wasn’t carrying one.

“I didn’t bring it. I was supposed to get back to Jiwoo’s after the party.” I explained, and Baekhyun nodded, opening the doors like the real gentleman he made me think he was.

“So I’m guessing you don’t have your keys, either,” Baekhyun concluded, and I just nodded slightly. “It’s okay; you can crash at my place tonight. It’s not that far.”

I didn’t like that idea, but I didn’t have any other options. I didn’t have anyone who would let me crash at their place at such late hour without previous notice. I’d have to go with Baekhyun, rest, and then go to Jiwoo in the morning to get my keys.

“Are you feeling better?” Baekhyun asked me when we stopped at the crosswalk. “How much have you drunk?”

“You killed my buzz; how do you think I feel?” I answered, now almost completely sober. I wasn’t feeling lightheaded or dizzy or sick. “I feel okay. Don’t worry, I won’t throw up, I’ve had like two glasses of champagne and two and a half cocktails.”

“I think for you it’s more than enough,” Baekhyun snickered, and I fought the urge to argue. It was our last interaction, and I didn’t want to leave the unfavorable impression of me. I’d rather have him remembered me as chill and carefree. “What’s the occasion anyway?”

“It was Jiwoo’s surprise bachelorette party,” I answered, explaining the details regarding the celebration. “I still can’t believe she called you to escort me home.”

“Yeah, I feel the same way. I didn’t expect to see you so soon after what happened at the paintball ranch.” Baekhyun stated, and I looked at him, shocked that he actually had the balls to explain his strange behavior. “I know it was random, and I’m sorry for doing it. I j-just, I have no idea what got into me. I overheard Jiwoo talking on the phone, and she told someone you had a date with some dude, so I panicked.”

“And why would you panic? It’s not that we’re together. And you don’t like me that way, either,” I interjected casually, finding this story really amusing. He panicked – right, as if I’d believe that. He had never done anything that would indicate he was attracted to me. “Please, don’t make me laugh, it’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not,” Baekhyun said, stopping in his track in front of me, blocking the way. “How would you know how I feel?” He asked, and I wanted to answer him how lack of action is pretty self-explanatory. “You’re an amazing woman, and there’s not a thing I don’t like about you. I just didn’t want to act on my feelings because–“

“I don’t need to know,” once again, I stopped him before I heard something I didn’t want to. I didn’t even confess to him, yet he was still to reject my feelings in the most polite way imaginable. “Some things are better left unsaid,” I added, as I bypassed him, going forward even though I didn’t know where he lived.

Baekhyun groaned, and before I managed to walk ten meters, he ran up to me, spinning me around, making me face him. “Can you just shut up and listen to me?” Baekhyun asked in a slightly angry tone, and I obeyed his order, not used to his hot and bothered demeanor. “You’re unbearable now; you realize that, don’t you?” He added, but I didn’t dare to speak.

Sighing, he took a step toward me, invading my personal space. His eyes stared in mine, and his hands cupped my cheeks, holding me still if I ever thought of looking away. “Sometimes, you’re really unbearable. Sometimes, you do things you hate, and you get annoyed, and I have no idea why you’re doing it in the first place. Sometimes, you do lame things, yet you don’t care what others think of you. I’ve been thinking about you for a while now, and I know it’s out of the blue, but I think I’m in love with you. I understand you must be confused right now since I didn’t show you any affection, but it’s true. I didn’t act on my feelings because I was afraid we would screw up their wedding if something goes wrong between us. But when I heard you started seeing other people, I just risked everything.”

Baekhyun explained, and I didn’t know how to react. The way he put it made me angry and happy at the same time. I had been waiting for that moment to occur for way too long, and now when it happened, I was speechless.

“Just say something,” Baekhyun said in a low voice. His eyes were trained on me, trying to detect the slightest change in my demeanor. “Anything; please, don’t leave me hanging.”

“What do you want me to say?” I fired, unsure of how I should conduct this conversation. Baekhyun wanted me, and I wanted him, but it wasn’t that simple. He was Hongbin’s best friend, and I was Jiwoo’s, and she dared to cheat on her fiancé. There was a mess inside my mind, and I didn’t have energy or willingness to think it through now. “I’ve always thought actions speak louder than words,” I said, hoping he’d understand what I wanted him to do.

“You wouldn’t let me do that if you were indifferent about me,” Baekhyun whispered before he leaned in and captured my lips. It was the third time we were kissing, and it was a delicious mix of our previous interactions. He started gently, and it quickly grew in passion. His lips were soft, and I wrapped my hands around his neck, pulling him closer.

“I’ve never been indifferent about you,” I confessed shyly, feeling relieved that I no longer had to keep my feelings bottled up. “How could I? You’re just you, and it’s more than enough for me.”

“God, why haven’t I done it sooner?” Baekhyun asked rhetorically, yanking me against him, holding me tightly. His hug wasn’t nearly as good as in my wildest dreams, and right now, it conveyed so much emotion, I felt overwhelmed.

“And whose fault is that?” I snickered, and Baekhyun just sighed, enjoying our hug.

“Of course, it’s mine.”

#baekhyun smut #exo smut #byun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun #exo fluff #exo angst #baekhyun scenario #exo #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fluff #wedding au #husband

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atopearth · 5 years

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Shall we Date? Wizardess Heart Part 23 - Alfonse Goldstein Route

Well, it’s Alfonse’s route and we haven’t even seen him yet, but the heroine is investigating some disease that turns people into monsters…and nope, those are zombies!! I hate zombies!!😥😫😫 Nice to see Alfonse come to her rescue out of nowhere haha. Ahh, he came to save these sick people, glad he had a potion that could return them all to normal😥 It was very kind of Alfonse to offer her his shoulder if she ever felt sad from thinking about her parents again☺️ Not sure why Alfonse doesn’t reveal who he actually is and why he’s on bad terms with Klaus, but I wonder if he’ll be at that big party? Since Klaus is in some media trouble with some girl, he asked the heroine to be his pretend girlfriend at the party and for a while so that he can get these girls off of him, and it does sound like a great deal to get to be Klaus’ girlfriend even if it’s only for a bit! Hahaha, I wonder how Alfonse will react though? Goldstein love triangle for a poor girl sounds like a great headline~

Oh wow, Alfonse runs a free clinic as a doctor in somewhere that’s like the slums part of town? That’s so admirable. Nice that the heroine wants to help him. I wonder if Alfonse pushes others away and doesn’t want them to sacrifice themselves for him because he sacrificed his family to do all this or something? Lmao when a reporter was following the heroine (since Klaus publicly announced at the party that the heroine was his girlfriend) at the academy and Caesar comes to the rescue in his pig form attacking the reporter hahahah. Omggg when she tripped and fell on top of him, and then Alfonse asked if they could stay like that a bit longer because he thinks that having her close makes him feel calm hahaha. It’s nice that they’re bonding nicely, but I wonder why he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be loved?

Alfonse wanted to protect the heroine from reporters and told them the bigger scoop that is, he’s actually a Goldstein. Tbh, I can’t see why the heroine has such strong feelings for Alfonse. They hung out a bit and chatted and ate stuff together etc, but I feel like it’s all on the assumption that they’ve been good friends for the past two years already and this is just the extra topping on the cake that made her realise she likes him, which is awkward because I don’t see why they’re into each other. I also found it unnecessary for Klaus to show that he might like her and that’s why he wants to stop her for drama, since Alfonse will apparently “hurt” her. But I guess maybe they’ll go more into that when they talk about Elaine? Heroine is just happy to help Alfonse. I can’t say whether Alfonse was right or wrong when he decided to discard his family to travel around and help people as a doctor and do research on these diseases etc, since it’s definitely admirable of him to do that, and I’m sure he must have saved a lot of people’s lives for the better. However, at the same time, because of that, he discarded his brothers to face the family and support it themselves and all this in his stead. Well, technically Klaus had to become the responsible one since he’s the second oldest. I guess the good thing is that Klaus does live up to the expectations of the Goldstein family so he doesn’t suffer as much as those who can’t live up to their families, but I’m sure it’s stressful and tiring all the same even though he doesn’t show it, and even though I’m sure he’s proud of his family as well. And I guess, even if Klaus doesn’t mind this life as the “eldest”, it doesn’t change the fact that Alfonse abandoned them and their family, albeit for a good reason, since he’s still following his beliefs and dreams to cure people even to this day.

Loll when they went to the underground graveyard place and Zeus kept scaring the heroine. The scariest thing was when zombies came out and Elias was one of them! Well, he’s technically not dead but still.. Thankfully Alfonse saved him in time, it seems like Elias really misses Alfonse though. I don’t blame Klaus for being so harsh towards Alfonse, especially since Klaus probably knows that Elias wouldn’t be mad at Alfonse no matter how much he has suffered all these years. Honestly, I find it hard to acknowledge that Elaine is happy now just because she’s married to another Baron. And the heroine thinking that she understands Elaine’s feelings just because they’re both “women”. I think I’d find better closure to it if she actually got to talk to Elaine, since regardless, the fact was that Elaine and Alfonse were going to get married in 3 months before he left for his journey and didn’t come back for like years. She’s probably happy that in the end, he chose what he really wanted to do but I’m sure she was at least a bit sad!

I can see why Klaus would reject the heroine’s plea for help. The core is supposed to be used to eradicate all if not most diseases and she wants to use it to save a minimal amount of people in the academy. Also, Alfonse never said that this will eliminate the Black Robe Plague, so in the end, this is just a band-aid solution. Andddd yet Alfonse and the heroine are going to steal the core that took Klaus and them years upon years to cultivate that amount of magic for their cause. Okay…. I’m not sure if the heroine really recognises the consequences she thinks she can take. Does she realise that if this supposed core can cure so many diseases that in essence, if other people know about it, then there would be crying families and people who could have been saved that would blame her for prioritising these few over like the whole world? Aaaand I find it difficult to comprehend why Glenn and Vincent would let them go through so easily just because they think that it’s easier to comprehend saving people in the academy against the world because they “know” the people in the academy. Honestly, considering their jobs, I thought they would be more logical and quite frankly, I’m disappointed. Obviously everything will work out in the end, but still, just seeing them go along with this with no regards to the consequences kills me. The repercussions don’t only include the people that could have been saved within these decades that diseases could be cured (assuming that what Klaus says is true about it), they’re practically going against the government and what if they have deals with others about this? I’m probably just overthinking (like I usually am) and I can understand that they want to save their friends, but I still stand by what I think, curing them doesn’t eradicate the Black Robe Plague, so unless they can cure the root of it, they’re sacrificing future lives that can be saved for temporary relief.

SO not surprised that Hugo popped up just to steal the Elixir Seed. Like as if he was nice enough to give them a map to get it lol. Aaand I am disappointed in this “eradication of disease” plan Klaus was planning to do, I knew it was probably too good to be true but it was still disappointing lol. Well, now no one benefits since they lost the seed~ and lol, just because Alfonse thinks Elias doesn’t like him doesn’t mean he wouldn’t come to give his magical power to save the people in the academy, like umm Elias is like the softest guy ever, he wouldn’t do that even if he really didn’t like Alfonse. I’m uh kinda surprised they so conveniently had a spare Elixir Seed because they made one just in case something happened to the first, it kinda detracts from the idea that this thing is super hard to make etc. Also makes me wonder why everyone can’t tell the teachers to tell the government and pressure them into doing something about this disease killing people in a renowned academy with a lot of students that probably come from well off families as well. Then maybe the first seed wouldn’t have ended up like that. Sigh. I don’t want to be picky but I just think there were a lot of options they could have explored first before doing what they did, and of course since it’s a story everything works out in their favour (e.g. those Mikhail cells that Klaus wanted to make with the seed was already made by Alfonse before blah blah), but I feel like if everything really did weigh on curing all diseases etc, then I feel like the heroine and Alfonse were very rash and irresponsible. Klaus wasn’t the only one they could talk to in convincing that they need the seed. Oh well, I’m probably just nitpicky lol, but you can probably tell I don’t like this route at all and find no endearing romance between the two because I feel like the heroine just makes the silly and rash decisions for Alfonse because he can’t make them, and he feels happy that she would do so.

Okay yay, they finally decided to tell the media about how to cure the disease and now they’re practically done curing everyone. Nice that Klaus acknowledged Alfonse again and they all happily go their merry way again lol, except the heroine plans to follow Alfonse from now on~ Anyway, I’m glad it ended lol. I honestly didn’t like the route and thought it was boring and I don’t think it resonated with me. Alfonse’s story was pretty much what you would think it is from what you get in the beginning of the story. He left the family to find cures for diseases and so Klaus is mad and Alfonse himself doesn’t think he has the right to face them. I guess one of the problems I have with it is that Alfonse is always afraid to face his brothers, but he doesn’t regret what he’s done. He feels bad and he feels that what he did was wrong to them and he would probably still do it if he had the choice again, which is perfectly fine, but I guess I was annoyed that he never really did anything about it? Nor do I feel like he ever changed as a person? It felt like, the whole route was just the heroine doing what he felt he couldn’t do and him appreciating that and reaping from her efforts lol. I guess I just feel that he never really stood up for what he did properly to his brothers and showed them how passionate he was about his choice. Everything was shown through the heroine or the existence of those cells, so I always felt that his personality and character was lacking? It never really felt like as a reader that I ever felt close to him. So yeah, not a fan, didn’t help that I did kinda have high expectations of this route too haha, oh well~

#wizardess heart

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v-le · 5 years

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Ktravels / Klife: After a year in korea Final Thoughts

Foreword: Surprise, surprise, procrastination got the best of me for quite some time. But im back. And for the last time. At least for the last time regarding my year-long study abroad experience in Korea. Here lies the last bits and pieces of my heart that left behind such a wondrous lifestyle in such a complex country.

I guess this will be the last of my “Korean” writings for a while. I think I kept holding off on this because I didn’t want to solidify the fact that my journey abroad is officially over. I guess even being home and everything still doesn’t make me accept reality. All I can keep thinking these days is that exactly a year ago, I was sitting around every day, waiting for my summer to end & for me to hurry up and end up in Korea & I kept asking myself over and over and over and OVER, ceaselessly: “I wonder how my life will change once I live there. I wonder what my life would be like over there”.

And what’s crazy, is that even though I kept desperately trying to grasp that fact so intensely a year prior to today, I still don’t have the answer as I sit here in this seat. I still don’t think I can properly express what my 10 month-ish experience was like. I feel just as contemplative as I did a year ago.

I think ive been holding off writing this mostly because I don’t even know what to say. Why don’t I have anything to say? Hmm.. or more like, I have so much to say that I don’t even want to begin. Because once I do, and then once I wrap it all up, everything will truly be all over. It’ll solidify the fact that my year abroad is all done for, never to come back to me ever again.

I think my final post of my study abroad IG account, the one I posted every single day for, enclosed my immediate, final thoughts and feelings really well. I mean, I literally wrote that on the plane flying home, sooooo…

Maybe I should start with addressing my goals I set for myself before I left, and how those goals panned out upon my return. Very vaguely, one of my main pursuits was to “become fluent in Korean”. Even to this day, im not exactly sure what that constitutes and by my standards, I don’t really know to what extent I wanted to improve based on that statement…. But, I guess I just really really really wanted to practice communicating more and essentially feel comfortable speaking, reading, writing, and listening in this completely foreign language. And I mean even prior to arriving, I had already known how to read Hangul for like 8 years. So in terms of reading, I just got to practice a looottt and just brush up on my speed & precision, I guess. Listening has also never been too much of a struggle: years of pure absorption and drowning myself in Korean in every form possible has taken me this far, to be quite honest. It was never anything intentional, I just held onto more and more words as the years went by. And quite frankly, I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that. I guess my point is that I unknowingly wanted to focus on improving my writing and speaking. Which sounds a bit futile, because what was the ultimate purpose in expanding on these skills? When I cannot even use them outside of Korea? Hm… I didn’t think that far. I just knew I wanted to improve. Or no, I don’t even think I had any real basis before arriving anyway. I just wanted to get exposed to that side of the language and make some sort of progress. Because I enjoy it that much.

I didn’t even know how to write the strokes of Hangul characters properly. No one had ever taught me. For years, for the small words or phrases I might’ve scribbled down for fun or doodled my notebooks with, I just wrote what I knew, like pictures. I still, to this day, don’t know the proper strokes lol. It kinda makes me feel noob, but o well, ive made it this far nonetheless. In terms of speaking, of course, I had absolutely no background. There had never been a chance to practice this skill… in fact, if there were one, if I did speak Korean at some point before going to Korea, I feel like that would’ve been really weird anyway… I wasn’t learning it formally in a classroom or anything, so if I were to try…. To god-knows-who…… I dunno, that doesn’t seem right to me. There was just never a proper place and time for me to use any sort of spoken Korean, and that made sense. Because I had such a wide range of “skills” under my belt when it came to this language prior to arriving, none of it was… “official”? None of it was ever proper…..? I am not really sure which word fits best, but the fact that I had known everything I knew at that time from pure Korean media absorption, it bothered me a lot actually.

I wanted to learn formally. I wanted to learn properly. So, I didn’t hesitate to take the intensive Korean language course at Yonsei, one that was 4-6pm every day, Monday-Friday, for the entire semester. What I did hesitate with though, very greatly, and a little regretfully, was the level in which I started learning formal Korean. A part of me is regretful, but I think I know in my heart it was the better decision. Speaking Korean with the teacher on the day of the placement test was probably my first time ever really speaking full sentences aloud to someone else & I can sorta recall it with slight embarrassment. Okay not even slight, like a ton lol I was such a nooooobbbb… I still ammmmm….anyway, based on that day’s tests, the teacher deemed me as able to start in level 2. But I rejected him. I told him I wanted to start at level 1. Because ive never learned properly before, I felt the need to start from the beginning. He told me that level 1 would begin with each Hangul character, pronouncing them one by one, etc. He asked if I’d be okay with going over all of that, and I told him it was fine.

My level 1 class ended up being more of a level 1.5 & we went much faster than all the other classes and didn’t even start with the basics that I was originally warned of. But still, quite frankly, level 1 KLI was butts easy and I didn’t even need to study for anything to do well. For that, im pretty proud of myself. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m actually just very glad that my skills I arrived with were at least up to par enough that I could complete 1 without much struggle. What I was most grateful for was that I got out of KLI was a lot of grammar basics. A lot of these structures I recognized and have probably used on my own before, but I didn’t know the rules properly myself, until I finally learned them in KLI. So really, if I didn’t take level 1, I really think I would’ve lost out on that basic foundation needed for learning more advanced things. Granted, I probably could’ve covered a lot of those things in my own time if I searched for the proper resources and had a stronger motivation. But I never did that by myself. So, I sorttttt offfff, “wasted time” in level 1.

The next semester, level 2, was also not too difficult. Some concepts were definitely a bit more challenging and less intuitive, but nothing impossible to understand. Overall, my semester 2 at Yonsei was when my Korean grew to the heights that I had hoped for. If I improved about 10% during semester 1, then I would say I improved 115% in semester 2. I don’t even know what that means myself, but my point is that I had many many manyyy more real life, application opportunities to use Korean. The biggest factor being my participation in Powers, the badminton team at Yonsei, that semester. Aside from the 2729017 other things that Powers influenced that semester, language was a big thing. At some point, many of my teammates considered me the “American that is really good at Korean”, but like, the over-exaggeration is real. Although one dude consistently talked to me in only English for the longest time, once I met beloved 익안언니, that English-only image of me died and I communicated with everyone else the same way they already communicated with each other: in Korean. I know that sounds….like…. idk, not a really big deal. Like wow good for you, you could communicate in a foreign language with these people. But my biggest deal with it was that if it weren’t for me being in Powers, I would not have practiced speaking or expanded my vocabulary or just LEARNED as much as I have. ESPECIALLY meeting 익안언니 was such a blessing. Although she is from Taiwan, she is a grad student studying Korean language and culture which already implies that she is basically fluent in Korean. And me, knowing absolutely no Chinese but at least having half-assed Korean skills, we only ever communicated in Korean from day 1. Since the day we met, the day she came up to me and asked if I wanted to warm-up with her and asked if I was a foreigner or not, and then revealing that shes actually a foreigner, too. That made us automatically click, because we realized we could both speak without feeling wary of sounding dumb or making mistakes in front of a REAL Korean person. Granted, other teammates always heard a lot of our conversations and sometimes joined in, too. The main point was that speaking Korean in that sense, was the best experience I could’ve asked for. Others may think the most ideal would be, y’know, a real Korean person. But, why be picky when the point is that I got to practice.

By the end of semester two, I had a kinda random idea, fueled by a conversation I had with a KLI classmate. She mentioned how she was studying for the TOPIK 2, the intermediate-advanced Korean fluency test for foreigners, and she decided to take it in Korea versus America because she heard it was easier and the 65th one would be held in Korea while she was there anyway. Upon hearing this, I only vaguely knew about this test, I didn’t think it to be that big of deal, yet in my head I knew I was always impressed with foreigners when they would say something like “yeah I placed level 6 (the highest mark) on the topik”. And so, I looked more into the test myself, and I was like hmm maybe I should try it out myself. 익안언니 mentioned that she actually needed to (re)take it too because her score from her last test is expiring soon. So very last minute, we decided to take it together. It costed money, but that was expected. I debated a lot in the beginning whether or not to take TOPIK 1 or 2, aka easy vs hard, but I decided to just fuck it, I just gotta make sure I study for reals and have more faith in my skills lol.

Im glad I made the right decision. I didn’t study as effectively for the test as I would’ve liked, but I did what I could given my circumstances. I was shooting for level 3. I at least wanted a LEVEL out of the test, not a blank score, which is what would be given if you can’t even manage the minimum level 3 out of the TOPIK 2. That test seriously HURT my brain LOL. As you get towards the end of each section, it gets ridiculously hard and there were 2475830 words I did not understand at all and the mere rows of sentences eventually turned into huge walls of text that filled the paper all the way to the edges and o gosh, just imagine how brain frying those sorts of exams can be HAHAHAH.

In the end, I placed level 5. I was 8 points away from level 6. I was honestly very shocked and to this day, I think I just owe my score to me doing a good job at guessing correct answers, not my pure skills LOL. But above all else, I definitely underestimated myself. I really wanted to take the TOPIK to assess my Korean skills once and for all, definitively. But even after receiving my score, I still feel lost on how to accurately describe my skills. Does level 5 even cut it? Do I even have the right to call myself level 5? I got it though, right? Having drowned myself in Korean for 8 years & taken level 1 & 2 KLI, I was able to be lowkey fluent, I guess.

That’s pretty damn cool. Im pretty damn proud of myself. And yeah, idk, that’s that. LOL. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything. All of that was purely my journey with the Korean language, particularly in the context of studying abroad in Korea for a year. And in regards to my goal, I think I did a pretty good job. I can write long chunks of text without too much problem, I can speak a good amount, maybe not 100% flawlessly, but I can hold conversations, I can go weeks with only speaking Korean, and I think that’s pretty awesome progress that I made towards my goal. If anything, I may have surpassed my anticipations. Cool. LOL

Another one of my main goals was to travel outside of Korea. Or not even that, just outside of SEOUL. Because as amazing that city alone is, I also knew that there is sooooo much to explore throughout the rest of the country and even in other nations. For second semester, I went to Tokyo in Japan, Bangkok in Thailand, Taipei and Tainan in Taiwan, and Busan, Jeonju, Jeju-do, and Yeosu in Korea. I was very blessed to travel to 3 other countries and hit a few beautiful areas outside of Seoul in Korea, too. Although it was a tiresome experience, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else. Balancing school and travels and other commitments was ridiculously tough. Ive repeated this a lot but: all my snaps and ig updates may have looked like fun and games, but the burnout was real. Traveling with friends isn’t all fun and games.

I learned SO MUCH through this experience: planning logistics thoroughly, dealing with money & currency exchanges strategically, balancing school work, moving things around as necessary, utilizing transportation in various different settings in an effective and efficient manner, familiarizing oneself with the GEOGRAPHY of a place (a really important one that I feel people don’t really talk about), researching attractions from different perspectives & using multiple, varied resources, knowing where to go for help, preparing proper lodging accordingly & communicating with hosts/staff, researching FOOD, too. I could go on and on.

But when it comes to traveling, especially while on a budget bc we are broke ass college kids, the amount of proper communication & discussion & preparation with other members of the group that needs to go into it is no joke. It’s not fun and games, it’s making sure that we know what the fuck we’re doing in a foreign environment so that we can explore, see things, get around, eat, and ENJOY our time safely and efficiently.

SO in that sense, I’m also pretty proud of myself & my friends. Special shout out to Sabrina Sooyoung Wong who was my ultimate travel buddy for (almost) everywhere I went. I already miss the amazing time we had together :’(

Continuing where I left off, I have realized that this writing is taking way too long. The day that marks one year since I left for Korea has already passed (August 21st) & I realized that I was gone for exactly 11 months: Aug 21 - July 21 (w/ a break in bw ofc) bc I literally landed back in America on the 21st of July, not realizing that the day I left was exactly the 21st as well. And my birthday is on the 21st too. Of Sept..:0 that’s whack. ANYWAYYYYYYY…………

What more do I have to say about this trip, hmmmm……. Ive already talked about my growth through the language and through traveling all over the place…These days, ive truly been trying to relive & recall the worries that shrouded my mind a year ago before I left.

I remember so clearly, constantly asking myself “How will my life change once I go and live there? Will I even be able to make any friends?” People around me also kept telling me that I would “HAVE SO MUCH FUNNNN”, but I recall constantly shutting them down and being pessimistic & telling everyone that I “would just be a normal student studying all the time, just in a different country lol” To address all these predeparture worries, I’ll say simply, thinking back on it now: My life changed SO MUCH, that it feels like nothing even happened at all (ik like wtf??? But lemme explain…), I made friends that I know will last a lifetime, and HONESTLY, I worked really hard studying when it came down to it, but I also made sure to have as much fun as I could. I did my best to balance everything (especially 2nd semester..)

So like, how tf could my life have changed so much that it feels unreal? Well, it’s exactly that. My daily life, the way I went about my daily routine, the lifestyle that I honed, the world that I wrapped myself in, the things I did, the food I ate, just about EVERYTHING about my life in Korea was so drastically different than my life in America, that returning home actually just makes it all feel like a dream, as if it were all a lie. My Korean lifestyle and my American lifestyle are incomparable. They are two completely different worlds. And for that…. I….. yes, I miss the Korean one like crazy every day, but that affection and sentiment for what I had makes my experience all the more precious and just… dear to my heart. Oh so dear to my heart, 나의 유학생활…. I think I kept asking myself the “how will it change” question countless times before I left because I was trying to prepare myself, trying to make sure I don’t throw myself off in the heat of it, make sure I stay grounded in the reality of my circumstances. And although nothing could’ve prepared myself enough for all those specific changes in my life, I think I definitely stayed rooted in mindfulness and never lost sight of the privilege I had.

If I look back on my first semester writings, I always repeated the words “thankful” & “grateful”. I really did my everything to remind myself of those feelings. Same goes for the friends that I met. Particularly my first semester gang, my days spent with them were infinitely bright. I feel like we were all so lost in the wonders of Korea (and Taiwan) and the beauty of just being there, spending time together, having valuable conversations, but also some very dumb ones, and really just bathing in the precious company of each other. It is not every day you meet an amazing group of people as the ones I did 1st sem. I gave yall a shoutout before, but thank yall again for taking care of me, the youngest of younglings out there, and making me laugh & smile more than I could ever recall doing with anyone else. Even my blessed friends from 2nd sem too, sooyoung, antony, Vicky, & 익안언니, I could not have imagined what my life would’ve been with them. My point in all of this? I was so worried about “making friends”, but miraculously, luckily, AMAZINGLY, it all worked out in the end. I am so grateful for that. I got close to some frking really cool people, who I still talk to today, who I still think about a lot, whom I owe a lot of myself to. Even if our collective time spent together was not the longest, even if the timespan of my other friendships are significantly more extensive, the friends I made through studying abroad are infinitely valuable and precious to me at the end of the day. Only stunning memories remain. Our friendships wont end there. They only started in Korea, but I have faith that they will transcend timezones and the years to come.

In terms of just balancing LIFE in korea, I can definitely recall many instances where I felt completely overwhelmed and burnt out. Those days were bound to come from the start. There were many days were I lacked a significant amount of sleep because I was so busy, there were days were I felt perpetually stuck & I could never overcome my problems (the things… a foreigner in Korean cannot do without a phone number…. Gg I felt soooooo shitty at that time)… there were also, ofc, days where I felt frustrated with many different people, there were days were I was so stressed out about whether I was doing the right thing (my 2 tutoring gigs…) or if I deserved anything I was receiving…., there were countless days where I studied hard and stressed about academics, as always (but I managed to get all A+’s 2nd sem & im honestly so proud of that…) …there were plenty of days where I would feel Korean societal standards weigh down on me & I felt painfully inclined to fit in in any and every way possible,.. I also struggled with deeper questions about the kind of toxic community Koreans can foster in various contexts (political, nationalism, etc..)… and the biggest of adversities, the one that broke me down the most, and to this day has left me empty & lost… was watching my singer get torn apart and disappear before my eyes.

I have written about this specific topic very extensively in a different piece, and…. It is definitely a pretty heated, passionate, painful piece. I had many many many many things to say about all of it, and I actually still have countless words to say, honestly. For sake of concision, for sake of keeping my sanity in place for at least this piece of text, for the sake of my world that has crumbled apart far too much for me to ever pick myself back up again… I’ll just say… I miss him so much and I pray for the day I can listen to him again. I won’t even be greedy and say “see” him again. I know ive seen him more times than I ever deserved too. But I want to listen to his voice again. In a new light, in a reassuring way. In some form, I want to hear him again… just once at least… please…Knowing him, listening to him for years, holding onto my life with his voice & music… I know that he needs to do music and nothing else. It breaks my heart every day to think about how this light has been lost from him.

One day… one day……….. I pray desperately every day that one day, he will come back to us. Please.

Its honestly pretty difficult to talk about my hardships during my time in Korea without mentioning that stuff. It has taken such a big toll on me, life became so taxing because of that one situation, that even today I sit here, half a year after it all fell apart, without much improvement on the state of things anyway. But enough of the negative stuff. I hope that’s enough. Despite all the pain & highkey trauma I acquired from it all, I know that at the end of the day I learned valuable lessons and that I am still grateful for every experience nonetheless.

I still wouldn’t be who I am today or where I am today without those tough times, too. It sucks that I lost my light along the way, I lost sight of my world that so ironically always gave me healing when I needed it most.

Another thing I should mention is how I am also very grateful for that fact that I never got sick while in Korea, or just while abroad in general. I usually catch a cold about once a year, even my first year of college, I definitely had that small period of time where I was dead sick from some sort of virus. But not once, did my body ever falter while abroad. It’s ironic because usually being in foreign countries, especially the not-the-most-sanitary ones like Thailand, Taiwan, etc, one would normally be much more susceptible to a stomach bug or heat-related complication or whatever. One would think that my body would be especially vulnerable abroad. But nope. I stayed strong all throughout. I’m pretty damn proud of that too. I tend to take my health for granted, but looking back on it now, I guess I held up pretty well despite all the odds against me.

The most important question I should be asking myself now is… How have I changed since I’ve studied abroad? Some basic changes would be my outer appearance. My makeup has definitely changed, my clothes do not exactly look like the rest of my friends’, and my eyes are sometimes slightly different colored LOL. But, mentally? Emotionally? What has korea done to me? I thought that once I returned from being abroad, I could be this strong, amazing, fearless, bold person. Maybe in some aspects, I do feel that way. But quite frankly, being away from some beloved, close friends for so long has left me more insecure and unsure than I would like to admit.

No part of my confidence has significantly skyrocketed or anything. I am still too much of a pessimist for any of that to be possible. I actually feel kinda reluctant, vulnerable, skeptical… when it comes back to reconnecting with the friends I haven’t seen for over a year. So in this way, Korea has changed me in which I do not know how to reconvene with the life I originally left.

Korea also….. made me fall in love with the “Asian lifestyle”. I say this a lot in person, but I think I genuinely love Asian culture & way of living better than America’s. Especially after coming back & coming to terms with how normalized some illegal stuff are among kids my age are now, I cant vibe with any of that. I know well enough that both cultures have their pros and cons and but I think I can safely say I prefer one over the other. I have grown up in the same exact house and neighborhood my entire life and I very ironically chose to go to a school that mirrors this familiar environment almost perfectly. Therefore, I easily lose sight about what is new, what is enjoyable, what keeps me grounded here.

So to be honest, nothing keeps me grounded in my hometown. Not my parents, not really my hometown friends, nothing special. It’s a fact that I felt more attached to Korea than America. I don’t know. It just ended up that way.

I traveled to and studied there for a year because I felt like my heart belonged there. And after coming back, I think I finally can contest to that statement.

One more thing, as I try to run out of things to say… I dislike K-pop and I wish it wasn’t such a definitive part of Korea itself. I know for a fact that the way in which K-pop has blown up over the years is an inherent loss for Korean culture because now the world has been misguided, misinformed, and misinterpreting Korea as a whole due to K-pop. I hate how, if I were to speak to someone ive never met before about me studying abroad in Korea, they would most likely assume that I like K-pop or make some sort of connection to my experience, with K-pop. That presumption needs to end. I do not relate my experience to K-pop in any way. There was so much outside of that. So like, no, I did not meet so-and-so. No, I did not see that group on the streets. No, I did not go to that concert. I admit I went to plenty of concerts, but those people were basically NO NAMES compared to actual K-pop artists… So please… I wish there was a distance between Kpop & Korea.

I have come to cherish Korean culture way outside of K-pop. Sure, its what exposed me to it all in the beginning, but I very quickly, very NATURALLY, grew out of that mindset & perspective. Sigh. That’s that. A real shame.

I haven’t been able to wrap this up for an entire week now and I think, right before I head back to school for good at UCI, this would be a good time to close it up for good.

What I meant to talk about throughout this entire “final journey” chunk was how studying abroad changed me, and what that might mean for my future.

These days, while ive been lowkey wallowing away at home, avoiding my responsibilities and waiting for everything to come crashing down onto me once I return to Irvine, one of the biggest things ive been really missing is Yeosu. My spontaneous 2 day, 1 night trip to Yeosu with Sabrina was probably one of the best spontaneous adventures I ever chose to do.

Yeosu held some sort of beauty that is so impossible to explain, that pictures don’t even do justice for, and is really just a hidden gem sort of place that I am so so so blessed to have visited and fallen in love with. Even if it was just for two short days, Yeosu treated us SO well. It will forever be one of the best memories I’ve made in Korea, because of all its combined natural beauty, open air, wonderful weather, breathtaking views, exciting and undying street pojangmacha street life, and FOOD! Amazing, home-cooked 한식…..it was really, honestly, great.

Another thing I thought of: I feel like I took so many airplanes that I lost count and I even lost that exhilarating, enthusiastic feeling that used to be associated with taking airplanes at some point. I am not trying to BRAG that I had that sort of privilege, but I just wanted to…. Reminisce on that missing emotion. Now, going through that entire check-in, security, waiting, boarding process feels sooooo draggy, and if anything, even a waste of time….. :( but I at least appreciate airplanes for being able to take me everywhere…

OKAY FOR REALS, last thing im going to address: my current perceptions on sharing my journey abroad with others. If im going to be completely honest, I really hesitate to talk about how I studied in Korea for a year. I am pretty damn paranoid about what people would think of me and I am reluctant to really tell my story because I feel like all of it is very important and special and dear to my heart that it’s not as simple as “yeah, it was chill, I had a great time”. In response to the question of “omg how was it????”, ive literally made a script for myself: “honestly, like my life in korea and my life here in America were so totally different that it feels like it didn’t even happen… it went by so fast and there was so much going on that coming back here feels pretty weird…also, reverse-culture shock is real”

That is the best spiel I can muster up if I were to briefly talk about my experiences abroad. But in reality, I would want to talk about why korea & the Korean language mean so much to me, how grateful I am for all the places and people and things I got to see, how convenient day-to-day life was. And most of all, I would want to address the all the negative things I discovered about Korea. I would want to talk about how for nearly half of my time there, my world was, and still is, crashing down onto me, and how that entire happening has affected my viewpoint of Korean society greatly. I would love to go on about the nuances that make Korea a very toxic social environment, how many aspects that make it well-known and well-received globally also contribute to my disliking for Korea. My experience was so eye-opening. It really was. With all the beauty I discovered along the way, I feel like I faced some extremely terrible shit, too. But of course, as I have been repeating ceaselessly, I am thankful at the end of the day. I always am.

I think at this point, I don’t have much more to say. Despite how much I miss Korea on a daily basis, for now, I think its best to let go of it. I am proud that my daily Instagram will stay as my detailed, thorough testimony to the countless experiences and stories I thought were worth sharing, or remembering at the very least. 286 days. To be exact, I was abroad for 286 days. Not a year exactly, but sorta close. I did my best. I did everything I could. I was independent as I could be, I saw all the things I could see, and I just appreciated it all at the end of the day.

I am really excited to go back one day. It’s at the least the one thing keeping me a little bit optimistic for the future.

잘 있어줘, 한국아. 모든 걸 고마웠다.

#korea #yonsei #klife #study abroad #its officially all over #twas a good run #thank u for everything #to all the ppl that made it worth #am forever grateful

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drwhirlwind · 5 years

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AS PROMISED, here’s a plotting call ! mutuals, please give this post a like if you’re interested, and i’ll fly right on into your IMs / discord dms, if that’s what you prefer. but! i thought it might be nice to put some starter points for us to work off, so that’s coming below! obviously, our plots don’t have to be limited to these ideas, and they’re simple because they’re only starter points and can be reused for many, many situations.

for out of fandom blogs, i will make aus / verses! as sho is my oc, i can pretty much fit him into any scenario. he was just originally built for bnha -- that’s all. as long as i know a bit about your fandom (which i probably do, if i’m following you), i’m all for working out details and setting something up so we can go wild.

TLDR OF HIS ABOUT: in his main verse, kobayashi sho is a renowned strategist and aerodynamics specialist, with a phd in physics. he’s twenty nine years old. his quirk is air manipulation and while he isn’t much to look at in terms of pure strength, he’s incredibly precise with a very difficult to control quirk. he’s on a pro hero team called the elementals, and he probably has a reputation for being kinda hard to work with, but all the same, a very significant asset to any team. can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

just a note that in pretty much any situation, he’s a lot to take in. high energy, loud, ridiculous, and a little... just, bizarre as a person, but his heart’s in the right place.

HERES HOW TO SPRINKLE A LIL’ BIT O’ WHIRLWIND IN YOUR LIFE: REAL DOCTORS HATE HIM!

MENTORSHIP.

this is probably the category that most students will fall under. please note, i also have a verse where he’s actually a teacher at u.a -- but that is not my main! please specify if you want that instead.

internships. the elementals absolutely take on interns, and he absolutely will terrify the life out of them. just kidding -- he’s not so bad! he really, truly, genuinely wants to help young heroes grow to be the best they can. he’s probably difficult to train under, but some of his tips are pretty useful, i’d imagine!

he takes especially well to those with elemental type quirks, but he’s really not picky.

he definitely will have about 100 proteges. can’t have just one. every single one of them will be regarded as baby whirlwind.

teacher verse. so! he probably doesn’t teach a hero specific course, actually; i was thinking he’d not mind teaching physics for general ed. that said, he’s not against tutoring after class, or quirk mentoring. he spent the last 15 years studying and incessantly studying to learn how to utilize his abilities, and he’s eager to help others do the same. be your best self!

COLLEAGUES.

not going to lie to y’all -- i am really dying for interactions with fellow pro heroes, if only because there is... so much we could do.

former classmates. based on his age and the fact that he attended U.A, if your muse is around the same age group, it’s possible they went to school together! maybe they were friends, maybe they didn’t get along at all. make sure you let me know if you want them to go way back though, because he’s changed very significantly over the years. for frame of reference, he was a first year when eraserhead and present mic were third years.

i’m going to be real with you. if your muse worked with him, there’s a very real chance they like, hate him. noting from his about, his cooperativeness is a whopping 2. he’s managed not to get fired this far in, but he absolutely has gotten into trouble with authority. he is extremely difficult to work with. a genius, but like, the worst. he’s great for coming up with strategies, but super doesn’t care if anyone thinks it’s a bad idea.

all of that said, though, he could be worse -- as a person, he really is very polite ( very rarely does he not use honorifics ), and like, pretty charismatic, all things considered. he has a pleasant demeanor and he’s nothing if not hardworking.

there has to be at least one person who’s questioned why the fuck he is named doctor when he isn’t one. well, okay -- he has a phd, but he got that well after he decided his hero name at age fifteen, and got it to justify the hero name. also, he wears a medical doctor’s lab coat, so, pretty misleading. he will always tell a lie.

FRIENDSHIPS!

as friendly and ( frankly, overbearingly ) outgoing as he is, there are very few people who are privy to less superficial side of him. i don’t mean to say that he puts on a show, because he doesn’t -- not on purpose? but he definitely has the capacity to be lax, understanding, and compassionate. he’s a great listener once he shuts up about all the literal nothing he’s ever talking about, and he’s like... he’s a weird guy, you know? and a bit of a mystery, i think -- tells a lot of bizarre stories and unnecessary ( but obvious, and never really malicious ) lies, but... you know. whatevs.

they could be childhood friends, but again; the sho they’d know now and then are two very different people, even if that isn’t particularly obvious.

he’s really outgoing, so he could’ve met your muse anywhere. at a bar, at the park, clubbing ( yeah, dr whirlwind clubs ), in the tree in your backyard, literally just walking on air in front of you because he can -- you name it, he’s there. where a friendship or acquaintanceship leads from there is pretty open ended.

he runs a podcast that airs really, really late at night. it’s super weird. i don’t know what else to tell you. it’s just him talking about whatever is on his mind? i’d love for there to be one brave soul who listens to it.

partners in crime. people he can vibe with. probably people he should never be in the same room with. that kinda thing.

people to annoy. he’s a menace. kind of endearing though? i can imagine he has a lot of begrudging friendships. like, they don’t actually hate him but like -- they make the soul eater excalibur face when he’s mentioned.

ROMANCE?!?!?!?!

so, obviously, i’m all in for this -- but there are a couple of things to understand first. a couple of provisions, if you will. he’s very difficult. i’ve said it before, but i mean... emotional connection is a big point in any long term relationship, and while he has a lot of great qualities in a boyfriend, he also has some not great ones. the main one being -- it’s very hard to get him to be real with you, and hard for him to be real. anyways though.

one sided crushes. probably going to be a lot of these!! ofc, let me know if you’re not into it, but he’s pretty notorious for crushing hard and frequently on like... uh, everyone.

he’s very, very, very flirty. he’s so flirty.

friends with benefits. obviously, this only goes for adult muses and muns because of the implication of that, but... y’know. i feel like this also doesn’t need to be explained.

one night stands. same thing as above. but -- so, like... i don’t think he’s really sleazy about it? it could definitely create some awkward future situations of if-they-meet-again, but i don’t think he’d necessary ghost anyone either.

dating. good luck

i’m just kidding -- i really would love some ships for him, actually; i think he cares very hard and very deeply, and he’s like... a little emotionally repressed ( very ), but he’s workin’ on it.

#what do you have? a knife! ✦ ooc.#this is long winded but. i put so much... into it please . Please lets plot i Love to Plot #at the very least ya gotta feel for me... imagine trying to sell something called Doctor Whirlwind

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golden-pickaxe · 6 years

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Odal - Part 9

Fandom: Vikings

Paring: Ivar x Reader

Type: Viking Times

Word Count: 1564

Warnings: none

[All Parts Here]

A/N: Short but yea, important in the story! Enjoy! Sorry for any mistakes, I cut my finger while making jam and typing on a computer is hard rn

[Playlist] - Especially this song for this chapter: Brun- Garmarna

Summary: When you were just a child, you had been adopted by two shieldmaidens, as one of six sisters. Now, all grown up, the lot of you join king Harald to avenge the death of Ragnar in England. A journey, that is going to change the life you’ve known before.

Tags: @lightningwitcher @lovelynerdytraveler @everlasting9 @cbouvier23 @hallowed-heathen @twilight-loveer

Despite Bjorn’s apparent dissatisfaction with the outcome of the battle, he could not prevent his men from having a great feast that night. The temperatures had dropped significantly, after it had rained once more, which did not dampen the euphoric mood of the army in the slightest.

You had just left the healer’s tent, where you had taken a nice, warm bath, and where the wound on your left upper arm had been cleaned, salved and wrapped up tightly in fresh cloth. You hoped that it was enough to keep it from getting infected.

The pain was obviously still there, although numbed, and you planned to numb it even more with a few nice cups of ale, or some of the wine the army had collected while raiding a farm on your way down from Northumbria.

You had to admit, you were not too fond on the English wine, but with the mood you were in, you were not all too picky where the intoxication you were after came from.

The sun had barely set in the west, the sky still tinted in all kinds of colours, reflected by the many low hanging clouds above England. You were sure, it would probably rain again before the night was over, but by now you were almost used to the constant wet weather of the country. It made the grass green though, and the ground fertile, and Hallgrim had mentioned more than a few times how good this land would be for farming.

Your tired eyes searched over the mass of celebrating warriors in front of you, hoping to find a familiar face among them. Your sisters had joined the celebration shortly after dropping you off by the healers, only Asta making sure that the wound of her favourite one was not life threatening.

Hrafna had departed from you even sooner, wanting to get herself clean, before meeting up with Halfdan once more.

A cool breeze picked up, and blew though the campsite, sending goose bumps over your exposed arms. To not irritate the wound, or accidently pull off the bandage around your arm, you wore a sleeveless, linen tunic on your upper body, which of course was not the most warming piece of clothing you could think of.

“I’m glad to see that your wound is not half as bad as it had looked on the battlefield, bleeding all over the place.” You suddenly heard a voice, a familiar voice behind you, causing you to quickly turn around.

There, sitting on a short bench right next to the opening of the healer’s tent, was no one else than Ivar the Boneless, slightly bent forwards, so he could rest his arms on his useless legs. You had to swallow.

He seemed to have also cleaned up from battle, his short hair still a bit wet and swept to the back. He wore simple clothes, his legs bound together with thick belts, and a luxurious fur was around his broad shoulders to keep him warm.

“It’s just a scratch.” You answered, shrugging, but flinching shortly thereafter, as the movement was not the smartest considering the location of your wound. You cursed under your breath, your right hand immediately moving upwards to cover your bandage.

“I can see that.” Ivar’s soft voice was amused, as he tilted his handsome head at you. He seemed to muster you for a few seconds, before he leaned back a bit, gesturing towards the free seat on the short bench, right next to him, implying for you to sit down.

You had heard a lot of stories about the young prince since you had arrived in Kattegat, and during your time raiding England, and you had to admit, you hesitated for a moment. After what you had heard, and after all your previous encounters with him, after the dream, you were not sure if following this invitation to sit with him was the smartest idea. On the other hand, though, it was equally stupid to just ignore or refuse a request from a prince like that.

Making up your mind you finally walked over to him, spotting two ale filled horn cups standing next to him on the wooden bench, before you sat down. Ivar watched you like a hawk the whole time, and with a light smile, picked up one of the cups and taking a sip, his far too blue eyes never leaving yours.

For some reason it was impossible for you to supress the smirk that formed on your lips, as you picked up the other cup, drinking from the bitter sweet liquid in it. You sighed at the taste, only noticing now how thirsty you actually were. It felt odd, you had to admit, sitting here so casually with the prince, and you were not quite sure what to think.

“And why do I deserve such special treatment, as for prince Ivar of Kattegat, son of Ragnar, to bring me, an unimportant shieldmaiden from king Harald’s army, and from low background, a drink of celebration?” you asked, returning his gaze curiously.

Ivar seemed to be taken aback for a moment, as he seemed to not have expected you to ask him so directly, as he simply pursed his plump lips in an amused fashion, averting his eyes and looking over the dimly lit campsite.

In the distance you heard the music picking up, flutes and lyras joining in the drums and other instruments that your people had brought with you, as suddenly Yeva’s beautiful voice echoed over the noise of the celebration. She sang one of the many wonderful songs that she had learned from various skalds visiting Vestfold, her slight accent almost unnoticeable among the familiar lines.

Now that the sun had completely set, the air around you was colder, the temperatures dropping even more with the coming night. Your breath formed small clouds in front of your face, but despite the thin, linen tunic you did not feel cold.

For once, your woollen trousers and leg wraps certainly did great in keeping you warm, but in general, you were used to far lower temperatures, even in summer. Only the moisture in the air, you could do without.

“I want you to fight by my side, walk with my chariot, when we attack king Ecbert.” Ivar finally spoke up again, his blue eyes returning to you, his gaze unwavering.

Now it was you who was taken aback, as you had not expected his words, frowning slightly.

“I am with my sisters.” You answered without thinking, unsure if you should regret speaking so quickly.

“Well, now you are with me.” Ivar tilted his head once again, his tone of voice making it sounds as if his words were not up for debate.

You swallowed, not sure what to say. From everything you had expected from him after you had sat down next to him, this had not been among it.

“Why?” you had to ask.

You had talked twice to this man, if you counted your drunken encounter in Kattegat, and had, other than that, only shared a few glances across training grounds or battlefields. Also, you were no one, you were a karl, a farmer, a simple shieldmaiden in another king’s army. Why you?

Ivar frowned for a moment, but then smirked.

“I don’t know, you are special.” He looked away again, his usually so confident demeaner suddenly faltering. From one moment to the other he seemed like nothing more but a shy boy. “You fight with no fear. You fight very well, better than most of my men.”

“I almost died today, though.” You said, tilting your head and causing him to look at you once more, his blue eyes briefly wandering over to your bandaged arm. He seemed confused.

“But your wound is not that deep.” Ivar frowned. You were, frankly, not quite sure how he knew that, unless he had spoken to one of the healers who had treated you himself, which was a thing you could not really imagine.

“Not because of the wound.” You started, searching his eyes for a reaction to your words, although you were unsure what exactly you were looking for. “An English man brought me down, and almost killed me.”

“How did you survive unharmed?” Ivar asked, confusion now written all over his pretty face. You had never seen king Ragnar or queen Aslaug in your life, but you were sure that they must have been beautiful to produce such a good looking son.

“Your brother saved me.” You said.

“Which one?” Ivar seemed anxious, but otherwise unreadable.

“Prince Hvitserk.” You were not sure what difference it made which one of his brothers had saved you, or why you even told him that. You guessed you simply had to talk about it, as despite your numerous fought battles, and the many wounds you had received during them, you had never come so close to die.

Ivar relaxed hearing your words, nodding with a light smile appearing on his face.

“Good. Good.” He murmured. Then, his eyes were fixated on yours once more, the expression in them so intense that you could not turn away. “To our victory.” He then said, raising his cup with a smirk.

“And to many more feasts for the ravens.” You answered, causing him to smile broadly, before draining your entire cup of ale.

#ivar the boneless #ivars heathen army #ivar imagine #vikings imagine #odal

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scrappydooisfoundaliveinnebraska · 5 years

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Short And Sweet

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” --Albert Einstein

Today I am going to talk about the Scooby-Doo shorts.

And why I love them and why I think people are waaaayyyy to harsh on them, but first let’s take a look at the quote and see how it applies to this situation.

Basically, the quote is saying that you cannot judge something by one single arbitary quality. If someone is a golf champion but doesn’t have the reflexes or endurance to be remotely competent at basketball, it would be horribly unfair to brand them as sucking at sucking at all sports. Just like it would be unfair to hail them as an all around sports prodigy just because they were great at sports.

Just like I see a lot of people judging the shorts by “How similar it is to Scooby”

Ummm, excuse me?

The shorts were never trying to follow with the traditional Scooby format. And that’s not bad. There is nothing inherently bad about breaking the format. It is only considered bad because some people say so. And what gives them the right to tell us what is “good” and what is “bad”? Nobody has that right. Scooby-Doo is whatever the writers decide it is, and there is nothing about deviating from an established formula that is inherently bad writing. NOTHING. You can complain about it being “different from the classic version” until you’re blue in the face, but that still doesn’t say that it’s bad. The whole “This is bad because it’s different from what we’re used to” is an incredibly toxic mindset in general, the kind of thinking that stifles innovation and self improvement.

But if you’re still not convinced, let me put it this way: Think of any sort of fiction that you like. See how many are similar to Scooby, and how similar they are. Now, if you are a relatively sane and balanced person, you’ll probably realize that there are many good things you like that aren’t similar to Scooby-Doo in the slightest.

“But we don’t want to watch Scooby like that!”

Great. Then don’t. That’s your opinion. Take mystery incorporated. Do I admit it is a good quality show? Yes. Do I like it? No. Not at all. I’m not fond of the whole “dry wit” or the “Mystery Inc are the chosen ones” tropes. But are those two things bad writing? No! See, just because it doesn’t appeal to me doesn’t mean it’s a bad show. And just because something doesn’t appeal to you doesn’t make it a bad show.

You see, SHORTS are an art form that do not generally lend themselves to complex story telling. Take Merrie Melodies, for instance. Only a few main characters per each. Why? Shorts don’t generally lend themselves to a large cast. Oh, maybe in some cases, but not all appearing in the same episode. Shorts are about action. Fun. They throw you right into the mix, they can’t waste too much time with exposition. They do interesting things with what little time they have, because they don’t have much more to do that!

Readers, the shorts succeeded perfectly at being shorts.

I could care less if the monsters are real or not, I don’t mind the length as long as the content is worth the time spent watching, and frankly as long as I can tell what’s going on and it’s not too error filled, I am not really that picky about animation. “But there’s Scrappy-”

Were you even paying attention to literally anything I just said above? That applies to characters too. Just because you don’t like the sound of his voice or his catchphrase or his personality doesn’t inherently make him a bad character, nor does that make the show that he’s in a bad show.

Now of course you have a right to talk about why the show doesn’t appeal to you and why you believe it’s inherently bad. But that means that I get to explain you why this show appeals to me, then when why I believe it is inherently a good show.

Why this show appeals to me?

Well...it’s fun. It’s super fun. When I watch TV, I go in with the intent of being interested, engaged, captivated, amused-and this show did that. The little jokes, the weirdness (LOVE THAT WEIRDNESS!) all of that did that for me.

I love that it does something totally different. I love that it’s not predictable.

I love that there were real monsters, and I loved the supernatural adventures that they got into, and I just love how the writers did whatever the heck they wanted with those seven minutes per episode. There is a lot to love about this series, to me. You may not feel the same way, which is why I will now talk about why I believe it was an inherently good show.

We talked earlier about how it’s unfair to judge this show by the incarnations of Scooby-Doo before it.

Let’s judge this show by what it itself was trying to be, and how well they succeeded.

One word:

Awesome.This series did an awesome job. Not a perfect job but an awesome one.

In seven minutes, they needed to set up a story, play out a story, resolve a story, and make it interesting.So, the writers placed their bets on making the journey as wacky and interesting as they possibly could. Aliens. Rays that could turn you into monsters. Shrinking solution. Circuses. They made the series weird. In the best possible way. What made this even better was that the writers actually had neat ideas! Sure, some series conformed to the “Shaggy and Scooby and Scrappy get chased by a monster” episodes, but quite a few (And I really do mean quite a few) deviated from that: Like there was an episode where they joined a movie, and instead of doing up the monster actors in make up, they used ray gun to actually turn the actors into monsters. Or Shaggy and Scooby swap bodies, or get turned into babies, or get kidnapped by aliens...and it was just great. I mean, in one episode, they had the guys get caught up in a tornado, and dump them under the sea. The bulk of the episode was spent under the sea without breathing equipment. Nobody suffered any sort of harm from this. Do I care how realistic it is? No. I don’t. The important thing is, a tornado is way way more exciting then them going through all the things they need to realistically get them to Atlantis or just randomly falling off the boat. More screentime for the crazy centaur!

It’s just an example of doing a really great job with little to work with.

A big part of good writing being economical with your space. I mean, who wants to spend pages and pages of boring introduction, then squeeze in all the action and resolution into the last few pages?

This series succeeded in two most important ways: Characterization and entertainment. Shaggy, Scooby and Scrappy’s dynamics always felt real to me, just two buddies and a kid who is family to one and practically family to the other, getting into weird yet awesome adventures. And they were awesome. Maybe not everyone feels the way I do, but one thing I do know is if you judge a short by it’s ability to portray a 20 minute mystery, you’ll ALWAYS be disappointed. Because that was NEVER what the shorts were attempting to do. And like I have said, that’s OK.

#shorts #scooby #scooby gang #scooby doo #scrappy #scrappy doo #scrappydoo #scooby-doo #scrappy-doo

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letterfromtrenwith · 6 years

Text

Old Wounds - Ch. 3 & 4

Police AU with George/Elizabeth

George faces an uncertain reception on his return to work, and is thrown into the deep end. Elizabeth deals with some professional conflict, and there’s a break in the case.

Ch. 1 & 2

Chapter 3

“Welcome back, Sir.” George started at the voice, finding Sgt. Emma Tregirls smiling at him from behind the reception desk.

“Oh, hello, Emma. Thanks. You pulled the short straw today, then?” Front desk duty was not generally something the relief fought over – dealing with assorted eccentrics, complainers and timewasters wasn’t really anyone’s idea of decent police work.

“Yeah, so it seems.” Emma gave a ‘what can you do’ shrug. “So, how are you?”

“Er…fine.” He knew she meant well, but he was getting a bit sick of people asking that question, not to mention the inevitable way their eyes would stray to his temple afterwards. He resisted the urge to pat down his hair. “The Super in?”

“Far as I know. I’ll just ring up.” He did his best not to fidget while Emma called the Superintendent’s secretary. “She says he’s ready for you.”

Detective Superintendent Ray Penvenen was a bespectacled man in his late 50s whose genial demeanour belied his tough reputation and storied career history. Nearing retirement , he’d settled with only minor irritation into the managerial requirements of his senior position. Nowadays, the higher one rose in rank, the more ones duties consisted of form-filling and being complained at by even more senior officers.

“So, how are you feeling?” George gritted his teeth. “Ready to get back to work?”

“Yes.” That was mostly true. He had found leave extremely boring, but considering the circumstances of the injury that he’d been signed off for, coming back was hardly going to be a smooth affair.

“Well, I’ve got something for you to get stuck into.” Penvenen slipped a blue folder out of a pile on his desk and handed it over. George flipped it open to be immediately confronted with what looked like an overtly-realistic Picasso painting. It took him a moment to recognise the face as male. Fighting a grimace, he flipped through the rest of the pages, taking in the basic details. “You’ve heard about the body at the Tintagel Developments sight, I assume?”

“Yes, although the press seem to be more interested in the historical discovery.” He suspected that was because the police press office was deliberately trying to divert their attention, which meant there was more to this than met the eye. “Has the recent victim been identified yet?”

“Not yet.”

“His fingerprints have been scraped off.” Normally, something like that was a deliberate countermeasure against identification. It was often seen in gangland killings and the like. However, George had seen it under different circumstances. He turned back to the picture of the man’s mutilated face. “Wait...”

“This body has the hallmarks of another Mark Daniel victim.” Mark Daniel was a man arrested five years’ previously for a string of violent murders of men, allegedly prompted by the infidelity of his wife, who he had also killed. While she had been discovered buried in their back garden, the other victims had been dumped in various places all over the district, their faces smashed in with a crowbar, and fingerprints scraped off. Quite why he’d done all this had never been fully established, although as far as George knew, several criminal psychologists and the like had spent the intervening period trying to find out.

George had been a relatively newly promoted DS with MIT when the case came in, working under the team’s last DI, Harry Blewitt. They’d done their best to keep it low-key, not wanting a press and public panic over a serial killer. Daniel had officially been charged with five murders including his wife, but there was some evidence to suggest there might be more victims. It seemed the Tintagel builders could well have found one of them.

“We need to keep this under wraps so far as possible – we absolutely don’t need the publicity, and I’ve already had the Chief Con whingeing at me because somebody from Tintagel’s pestering him. Also, if the press start shouting about this being another Mark Daniel victim, it might damage any further investigation if he turns out not to be.”

“I don’t want to be stepping on anyone’s toes here.” He’d done enough of that in the past. It had basically been his job – and look where that had got him.

“You wouldn’t be.” It took George a moment to process this.

“You mean MIT are still without a DI?” Blewitt had retired before the…incident which had put George on leave, but that was over a year ago.

“Not now, they’re not.”

“Where are we on the identification?” George looked at the five faces staring back at him. This was going about exactly as well as he’d expected. New DI, complete stranger to everyone on the team, shoved in by management at the top of a potentially big-time investigation, taking over from a pair of Sergeants who’d had pretty much free reign up until now.

He had no idea how much they all knew about him exactly, but he bet it was enough not to like him. The Godolphin case had had plenty of publicity, and the police gossip mill would have filled in any official blanks, and likely added a Hell of a lot of embellishment as well.

“Well, obviously the fingerprints are a non-starter. The SOCOs couldn’t recover even a partial.” DS Elizabeth Chynoweth seemed the only one willing to speak up. She’d also been the only one who hadn’t appeared to regard him with open hostility. Perhaps she was just better at hiding her emotions. “DNA’s been extracted, and we’ve put a rush on the results but, well, you know what that’s like. There are a lot of results for mispers, but once the PM’s finalised we might be able to narrow it down.”

“ – “ George hesitated before he spoke. He’d spent several years being perceived as someone who strode in and told other coppers how to do their jobs. Doing almost exactly that on his first day back was not the best idea. “What about the watch?”

“The watch?” It was Chynoweth’s fellow DS, Hugh Armitage, who spoke up now.

“It’s a Rolex Datejust. We’d have to identify the exact variant, but they generally don’t cost less than 4k. That might eliminate some of the mispers. We can also check the watch’s serial number with Rolex Tracker, or the company – if the owner registered it, of course.” There was a predictable pause after this. George couldn’t tell whether it was because they’d already thought of that and didn’t like him thinking they hadn’t, or they hadn’t and resented him coming up with it first.

“That’s a good shout.” Armitage shifted in his chair, looking genuine but slightly irritated at having to admit it. “Joan, can you take care of that?”

“No problem, Sarge. Sir.” DC Pascoe addressed George as something of an afterthought, but he didn’t take offence. She’d been used to deferring solely to Armitage and Chynoweth, and frankly he’d been shown a lot more blatant – and deliberate – disrespect over the years.

“When does Dr Enys think he’ll have the PM report?”

“He says we can go over this afternoon.” This was Jim Carter, the most sour-faced of the lot. George was fairly certain he’d interviewed him as a uniform about an allegation of excessive force against another officer. He’d known he would always bear the stain of ‘Rat Squad’ even before he’d taken the transfer, but having such an obvious reminder on his first day back was not encouraging.

“Right. Am I correct in thinking that the body’s leg still hasn’t been recovered?” According to the file George had been given, the victim’s left leg had been severed at the top of the thigh, although it was not yet known exactly how.

“SOCOs are still going over the scene, but no sign of it so far.” Chynoweth spoke again.

“That wasn’t part of the Daniel MO, but I suppose we don’t know what caused it yet.”

“It looks fairly neat, Sir.” This was DC Penny Bloom, who seemed to be fighting an internal battle between trying to suck up to him and trying to be equally as stand-offish as some of her teammates. As soon as he’d walked in the door she’d leapt out of her seat and immediately offered to show him to his office, before cutting herself off while asking if he wanted a cup of tea as she caught the eye of Carter.

“From what we can see, yes. We’ll see what Dr Enys has to say. As for the Daniel connection…”

“The preliminary DOD puts him within the timeframe.” Elizabeth – DS Chynoweth, George mentally corrected himself – supplied. “And he might be in the right age range, not that Daniel was especially picky so far as I can tell.”

“Is he still being held at Long Lartin?” HMP Long Lartin in Worcestershire was the nearest Category A prison, Her Majesty’s Prison Service having oddly overlooked the South West in terms of dangerous offenders – or any offenders at all, considering there were no men’s prisons in Cornwall whatsoever.

“Far as I know, Sir.”

“Then call them. We need to talk to him.”

Chapter 4

“Sarge? Can I ask you a question?” Jim Carter looked down at his lap, more like a nervous schoolboy than an experienced detective. Elizabeth had a feeling this was a question he shouldn’t really be asking, but she might as well hear it.

“Go on, then.” At least the fact she was driving meant she didn’t have to look at him while he asked. She liked Jim, he was a good copper, but he could be a bit headstrong.

“Did they run it by you and Sgt. Armitage? Putting Warleggan in charge of the unit?”

“Yes. DSI Penvenen told us that DI Warleggan would be heading us up – for this investigation, at least. Besides, we couldn’t go without a DI forever.”

“Well, no, but – “ Here it came. “Why him of all people? From the fucking Rat Squad – “

“Professional Standards.” She ignored the swearing. Not exactly unusual in their profession, but somewhat inappropriate in the circumstances. She could tell by Jim’s face that he knew he’d rather overstepped the mark. At least it was better him saying this to her than to George – DI Warleggan, rather. He was her senior officer, too, she had to remember that. Even if he did intrigue her.

“But – It’s just – “

“Professional Standards is a department just like any other, Jim.” Elizabeth understood the hostility the general rank and file felt against Professional Standards, even if she didn’t feel it herself. Policing these days was subject to so much scrutiny, it sometimes felt like they couldn’t breathe without somebody complaining. Having Professional Standards weigh in after arrests, after some crafty lawyer got their client to cry police brutality or some such, after accidents, mistakes, it just piled it all on. But, there were corrupt police officers, despite what some of the more idealistic members of the force liked to think –and if they weren’t routed out, then the public distrust in policing would only get worse.

“Hmmm.”

“DI Warleggan was just doing his job.” A job that he’d nearly died for. When they’d been introduced in Ray Penvenen’s office, she hadn’t been able to help her eyes straying to his temple, where there was just a shadow of the scar tissue hidden by his hair. Everyone knew about the Godolphin case – it had caused enough of a publicity shitstorm as it was; without DI Warleggan’s actions, it would have been even worse. Under normal circumstances, an officer who’d received the kind of injuries he had in the line of duty would be hailed as nothing short of a hero, but as a Professional Standards officer there were some who would always regard him with suspicion, if not outright contempt. Astonishingly, despite everything, Andrew Godolphin still had his friends on the force; the full details of the investigation having never been made public didn’t help. For “operational reasons” – that old standby.

“But – It’s just – “

“Besides, he’s the most senior officer left who worked on the Mark Daniel case originally.” Of the one DI and two DS’ who apprehended Daniel, George was the only one left on the force, despite only five years having passed. DI Blewitt had retired, and DS Nanskervis had died tragically young of cancer, only a year or so after Daniel was arrested.

“But – “

“Look, Jim - ” They’d pulled into a parking bay at the hospital, and Elizabeth turned to look at him after she turned off the engine. “You’re a very good officer, you’ve more than proven your abilities, but in terms of both seniority and expertise, DI Warleggan has you beat by a long margin, so if you make a stink about this, it’s not going to be him senior management will shove onto desk duties, is it?”

“No.”

“No, what?” Elizabeth didn’t want to be ‘like that’, but considering Jim had spent most of this journey questioning a senior officer’s integrity and competence, she thought he needed a reminder of the nature of their organisation. Perhaps she did, as well.

“No, Sarge.”

“Right. Well, let’s hear no more about it.”

Elizabeth had made her first visit to the morgue about six weeks into her probationary period, after she and her training officer had been called to break into the house of an elderly woman whose neighbours had become worried when they hadn’t seen her for several days. It turned out that she’d passed away in her sleep while sitting in her favourite chair by the fire. By the lit gas fire, which had burned next to her for at least a week. Needless to say, the condition of her body was…like nothing Elizabeth had ever imagined. To her embarrassment, she’d been forced to run outside to vomit into a plant pot in the garden. She’d seen a lot more dead bodies since then – and things that were even worse, if she were honest – but she’d never forgotten that old lady.

Some officers found the morgue disturbing, but she’d gotten used to it over the years. Here, the victims of crime, or simply misfortune, were treated with a level of respect many of them had never been afforded in life. Dr Enys certainly made sure of that, as had his predecessor Dr Choake, even if he’d been a pompous arse otherwise.

Originally, they had been due to attend regarding their victim the previous afternoon, but an emergency case of a sudden death of a mother and child had come in, which had naturally been prioritised over their historic case, even though they were likely dealing with a murder. Elizabeth had therefore spent the rest of the day trying to navigate the administrative obstacle course required to obtain authorisation to visit Mark Daniel.

“Good morning, Elizabeth. Jim.” Many people might expect pathologists to be a dour, morbid bunch, but Dr Dwight Enys was the complete opposite of that. Cheerful, pleasant and good-natured, he was a soothing presence for both nervous young coppers and grieving relatives come to identify their loved ones.

“Good morning, Dwight. Did you get anywhere with the two from yesterday?”

“Carbon monoxide.” Dwight shook his head sadly. “I think some of your colleagues are looking into the landlord, but there’s not much to be done now, I’m afraid.”

“Shame.” After a moment’s respectful silence, Dwight stood up from his office chair and led them through into a spotlessly clean tiled room. Three stainless steel tables stood in the centre of the room; the one at the far end was empty, while two morgue attendants were covering and removing a body from the middle one.

“Possible autoerotic asphyxia.” Commented Dwight.

“Ouch,” muttered Jim as they approached the final table. Dwight drew back the sheet. Elizabeth wrinkled her nose at the smell the cloth had obviously been doing something to contain. No matter how well Dwight’s assistants had cleaned the body once forensic samples had been collected the scent of death and decay would always linger.

“What have we got?” She took a subtle step back, not that it helped much.

“Male, white, mid 30s-to-early 40s. Been dead at least four years, but no more than ten to twelve, I’d say. He was in reasonably good health before death from what I can tell – good joints, no signs of disease or significant ill health. The soil in that ground preserved him quite well, so I’ve been able to take a decent look at a few of his internal organs.”

“Cause of death?”

“Well…” Dwight pursed his lips. “There’s the problem. No obvious wounds or signs of violence – apart from the face and leg, but they were both post-mortem.”

“So…”

“So, there was some minor cardiac damage – not really enough to indicate a heart attack, or any kind of chronic illness as I said. The stomach hasn’t been preserved sadly, but what’s left of the oesophagus suggests some trauma from what could be sustained vomiting.”

“Poison?”

“Could be, but can’t say for certain. I’ve sent off samples for testing – they’ll start with routine toxicology, but if that doesn’t turn up anything, we’ll have to get authorisation for further assays.” Elizabeth grimaced at the thought of trying to persuade someone that that expense was worth it. Although, on reflection, that was DI Warleggan’s job now. There were certain things about management she was quite happy to let go of.

“Definitely not suffocation?” Elizabeth had been intending to ask the same question herself – although she’d planned to wait until Dwight was finished – and she knew what Jim was getting at. Mark Daniel had suffocated all of his victims, including his wife, although he had claimed her death was accidental.

“I didn’t say that.” Dwight frowned slightly at being pre-empted. “Suffocation can be difficult to detect after death. Based on the current findings, poisoning is only a strong possibility. So is suffocation.”

“What about the face? And the leg?” Elizabeth changed the subject. Dwight looked less annoyed at her question, and extended a gloved hand to indicate the battered remains of the man’s face. She’d seen crime scene phots of Daniel’s victims, but they didn’t quite prepare you for the real thing – or something very similar at least.

“Both post-mortem. The damage to the face was inflicted with something long and fairly thin with an end on – something like a wheelbrace, probably. Decay’s altered the wounds so it’s hard to estimate the exact shape.” Daniel had used a crowbar, so it could fit.

“What about the leg? Could it have been removed by digging equipment?”

“No. Aside from the fact that we’d likely have found it if it was – they’d barely started digging there, and I had what little earth they had removed searched – there’s no way the cut was made with anything like an industrial shovel. You can’t tell with what’s left of the flesh, but look here at the bone.” He pulled at a magnifying glass mounted on an arm attached to the side of the table. Lowering the lens, he adjusted it until it showed what remained of the dead man’s left thigh in uncomfortably fine detail. “Do you see those little marks there? They’re caused by whatever was used to remove the leg – I’d say the teeth of a handsaw.”

“How long after death? Can you tell?”

“Not precisely, but I’d say not long. Certainly not a matter of weeks or months.”

The doctor had nothing more for them until the toxicology results came back so, promising he’d email them his full PM report by the end of the day, he bid them farewell as his assistants wheeled in yet another body.

“So,” Jim began as they made their way back to the car. “Aside from the leg, there’s nothing to say either way if he’s a Daniel victim or not.”

“No.” But the leg was a sticking point. Daniel had never dismembered any of his victims, so why this one? And if it wasn’t Daniel, then what accounted for the other similarities? Before she could consider any further her phone rang.

“Chynoweth.”

“Elizabeth, it’s Hugh. Turns out the DI was right about the watch. We’ve got a possible ID. And you’ll never bloody guess who.”

#poldark #george warleggan #elizabeth warleggan #elizabeth chynoweth #hugh armitage #dwight enys #morwenna chynoweth #george x elizabeth #old wounds #fic #f: ge #f: au #m: fic

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