#which is a hell of a lot harder to justify being selfish than it is just being a natural born moron

[oglegoggle]

Just like… the first fight was when we were sitting in the tub together a couple days after his cat slashed my literal eyeball, and I told him outright that the cat is not allowed in my home again. His immediate response was to say “So you’re dumping me?” and I wasn’t at all trying to dump him I was trying to assert boundaries around the trauma I just endured and he left.

The second fight was after a few months of living apart but still dating when we were sitting in the tub together and he read my comments on a Tumblr post about ADHD folks being allergic to taking responsibility for their own actions. He asks me what sparked the comment and I told him that I found one of my most beloved dishes broken, hidden in the living room in a pile of his garbage he just left in my fuckin house and wouldn’t clean up and his reaction was to say he doesn’t remember breaking and hiding my dish (I don’t remember therefore it never happened legit being one of the biggest emotional triggers in my life and he knew this) He asked why I didn’t tell him about it if I’ve been feeling hurt by his behavior and I told him that I feel like confronting him about things when I feel hurt doesn’t change the nature of our relationship.

By that point he had scheduled us exactly one consult for couples counseling (after several months of asking over and over again for cc) and afterwards decided it would be a waste of time and money since I would be leaving anyway so I had just kinda accepted that we’re not trying to make the relationship work anymore we’re enjoying fuckin so why bother with arguing over emotional shit? He again left. Two days later I texted him apologizing for saying mean things about him on my blog, and he never did respond. Two days after that I realized I shouldn’t be apologizing for being hurt by his behavior and I’ve in fact done a hell of a lot of apologizing for being hurt by his behavior, a lot of taking financial responsibility for his fuckups, parenting him because he’s incapable of doing literally anything in the way of chores, and just enduring the stress of his filth and the seizures his dog gave me and the new heap of PTSD his cat gave me and I realized that I’m just going to be ground into dust by his selfishness and apathy towards the impact his actions have on others if I continue. I blocked him on everything.

I am certainly aware that I’m not always kind and gentle, and I do want to genuinely apologize for and fix my mistakes, espesh in regards to people I care about. But the truth of the matter is that I put work into fixing my mistakes and flaws. He did not. I was constantly walking on eggshells with him emotionally because every time I would go “Hey, this thing you do hurts me” the two plausible responses were “I’ve got (insert mental illness here) so tI’m not capable of doing better.” or “This is the end of us!” And well…. Yeah. That was the end of us. I would certainly have appreciated it if I could’ve maintained a friendship with him, but he’s honestly a real drain of a person and I’m better off without him. I still have that longing urge to text him and talk but I know that he’s bad for me. He’s said it himself, he’s not capable of doing better. And I deserve better.

#this is goggles #it was so fucking funny to me eating dinner with one of his friends before I left #and they were like super supportive and told me yeah he expects a lot out of relationships and puts nothing back in #he’s a shitty partner and I somehow doubt he’ll do any growing up #he’ll just look for a new partner to break and the cycle will continue #I miss being touched every day but at least my beautiful things and expensive appliances aren’t constantly being broken #I need a partner whom actually cares and wants to do better #because I know that I’m not perfect nobody is and I want to do better and be better and I have been making the changes in my life needed #he just blames mental illness/neurodivergence and says you gotta accept that he’s not capable of not hurting me #and yanno my dude I have accepted that and I won’t deal with it any longer #I feel so lonely but at least I’m not living in a pit of his squalor and carelessness any longer #I’ve also got ADHD bitch and I was the one managing the fucking household #he’s mad I think he’s stupid as fuck? okay #I don’t think he’s stupid as fuck I think he’s apathetic about the damage he does to those around him #which is a hell of a lot harder to justify being selfish than it is just being a natural born moron #the grace I granted him was rooted in my perception of his idiocy and if he doesn’t want me to think he’s stupid then so be it #okay dude you’re smart enough to know better you just don’t care anout the paint I’ve endured in trying desperately to support him #I tolerated a lot of ways his behavior triggered me because I was used to it #and he did indeed encourage me to demand better from my life #just not from him so it’s seems #I can’t say that he only had a bad impact on me because he did in a lot of good ways #but that doesn’t mean that he was good for me yanno #I wish I’d been more steadfast on not dating him when I told him on our second date that I don’t think we’re compatible #he pushed for more and I gave it to him he pushed for more and I gave it to him he pushed for more and more and more #I miss him but honestly I miss his body more than the person who lives inside it #I miss the healing nature of being held I really need some snuggles but that’s not on the menu #je would tell me over and over again I’m the most important person in his life but he would not put me first in literally any circumstance #I miss him but really I miss the early times when I actually felt like he did care about my needs #I miss feeling like someone was 100% totally into me even if he wasn’t #I miss sleeping snuggled up with another it makes it so much easier

[snl89]

TLOU finale ramble

Holy moly did TLOU nail that finale!! 😭

Rambly thoughts: 

- Every new scene/moment they added was SO, so good. The Anna flashback with Ashley Johnson? Incredible! Joel being now so open with Ellie that he’d even tell her about his suicide attempt? My freaking heeeart 💔 And even just Ellie confirming that she did in fact have to kill Riley 😔 So yeah, just... I am in awe of just how well done this show is, and how they took already fantastic source material and made it even better with just a few small moments that add so much depth. 

- I will say, Marlene frustrated me a LOT less than in the game, which does have the intended effect of making it harder to stomach Joel’s massacre (and pheeeew baby, they did NOT skimp on the brutality of what he did!) In the game, Marlene was just so freaking cold and self righteous and lecture-y to Joel. I was like “girl, what the hell are you doing telling him the equivalent of ‘suck it up and deal, we’ve all lost people’!?! There is no way you can’t tell this girl a daughter to him now!” (And *especially* then when we see in Part 2 how she’s resistant to it herself and asking Abby’s dad if it would be so easy for him to sacrifice Abby, it just made me go “where the hell was that compassion with Joel!?”) But yeah, show Marlene, while I still do not agree with her and the Fireflies, was a lot less cold about it and I genuinely buy that she was in a lot of pain about what she was having to do too, so I think that was a much better way to hammer home the very grey morality of the situation. 

- With all of the above said? I still fall largely on Joel’s side! Not only because I sympathize so much with why he did it, but because I just refuse to accept utilitarianism that extreme that it's used to justify killing a child for the greater good. I don’t care if it was even a 100% certainty that they’d be able to make the vaccine; if the “cure” for humanity requires you to kill a kid without their knowledge, let alone consent, and threaten to kill their surrogate parent if they don’t leave and allow you to do it, then it’s not. a cure. worth. having. We don’t save humanity by giving up that which makes us human and not cold, calculating utilitarian robots. 

And in that moment, I don’t think Joel was specifically thinking about all of that; all he was thinking was that HELL NO he was not about to lose Ellie too, and lord help any MFer who got in his way of saving her. But that’s kind of the point: the selfishness of love IS what makes us human, and I for one wouldn’t have it otherwise. And yes, I stand by that even knowing Ellie would have let them do it; because she was a young girl with severe survivor’s guilt and trauma, and she freaking deserved the chance that Joel gave her to get to LIVE and work through that trauma before dying for the rest of the world. Her life DOES matter on its own terms, and she had a right to come to understand that for herself before being asked to make that kind of sacrifice. 

#The last of us #the last of us spoilers #tlou #tlou spoilers

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Gabriel Agreste: Interesting Villain, Horrible Character (400 Follower Special)

I'm honestly surprised more people didn't want me to talk about Gabriel, especially with how often I rag on how horrible of a person he is. But, three character analysis posts later, and we're going to talk about why the main villain of Miraculous Ladybug is a real letdown.

Gabriel Needs to give the Whining a Rest

The interesting thing is one of the few things I actually liked in Season 3 was Hawkmoth. His plans actually made sense (for the most part), and by playing the long game, he managed to turn Chloe against Ladybug and deprived her of several key allies. Granted, Season 4 immediately undid the latter, but I was still impressed by his strategy.

Generally, one of the better aspects of Gabriel as a character was just how over the top he was as Hawkmoth. Keith Silverstein is clearly giving it his all with his performance, and he is just so enjoyable to watch as a cartoonish supervillain.

And therein lies the first major problem with Gabriel as a character. While he is fun to watch as a simple supervillain, the show tries to give him more depth and unintentionally makes him worse.

In Season 2, when it was revealed that Gabriel was Hawkmoth, many fans speculated on what he needed the Miraculous for, until the Queen Bee Trilogy showed it was to save his possibly dead wife, Emilie. The idea of that is so the show can give more depth to its main villain, and I think it's an interesting idea in concept. After all, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

The problem is just how radically different Gabriel is normally compared to how he is as Hawkmoth. He always goes on about how he's “doing this for Emilie”, but it's hard to really sympathize with him when you consider he constantly gives evil monologues and evil laughs, really getting into the supervillain role. And let's not forget all of the “I'm going to wear Ladybug's skin as a suit” faces he loves to make.

Clearly this man is the picture of mental stability.

Gabriel's motivation for being Hawkmoth when compared to what he actually does as Hawkmoth is shady enough, but the thing is that the writers clearly want the audience to at least feel a little bad for him. They want to make the audience sympathize with him despite the way he acts with or without the mask. Without Miraculous Ladybug, he is routinely putting innocent lives in danger and never once shows regret for his actions. All he talks about is how “he's doing this for Emilie”, or that “he'll get their Miraculous soon”. There's no real reason to feel bad for him other than “because the script says so”.

Let's compare Gabriel to Malcolm Merlyn from Arrow. His big plan in the first season of the show is to create a machine that will cause an earthquake to destroy a crime-infested portion of Starling City, claiming to be trying to help everyone, but it's clear he is only doing it out of revenge for his wife getting killed by a criminal from that part of the city. In addition, throughout that season and future seasons, he always makes sure his plans lead to him benefiting in some way, showing he isn't just some noble man trying to achieve his goals with a less than noble method.

If we got some moments that showed that what Gabriel was doing was selfish, it would make him a more complex villain. But we don't get anything like that. What do we get instead? Well...

I Could Really Care Less About Emilie Agreste

We have known Gabriel's motivation has been to save his wife for a little over two years at this point, but at the same time, it's hard to believe that motivation because of how underdeveloped Emilie is as a character.

There have been a total of two lines in the entirety of the show that explain what happened to Emilie, and they're both vague as hell. One of them was from “Feast” that implied Emilie used the broken Peacock Miraculous.

Adrien: My mom used to have dizzy spells… just like Nathalie.

And the other that outright tells the audience what's happening to her in a clip show that most people will skip.

Nathalie: As I've watched Emilie falling deeper into an endless sleep, my sadness for her has deepened, too

That is literally all we get for an explanation, and nothing else. We have no idea of what she's like as a person or what her relationship with her family was like other than Gabriel and Adrien saying they miss her. Other than the way the narrative says she's important to Gabriel and Adrien, we don't really have a reason to care about her as a character. There have also been some lines that imply she went along with Gabriel's questionable parenting techniques, like how he was apparently only homeschooled as a kid (Origins) and never had a birthday party growing up (The Bubbler), so how do we even know if she's a good person? In fact, why not set up this question as a mystery to make the audience wonder if Gabriel has another reason to bring Emilie back?

It ultimately turns Emilie into a plot device and not a character that Gabriel and Adrien only bring up to make the audience feel bad for them, and meant to justify Gabriel's actions by saying that he's “doing this for his family”.

But hey, if he's doing this all for his family, surely Gabriel's redeeming traits come from his relationship with Adrien, right? Right?

As a Parent, Gabriel is Far From the Best

I've talked about this briefly before, but parenting in Miraculous Ladybug is written in such a black and white way, even by the standards of this show. Parents are portrayed in one of two ways. They're either amazing people who love and support their children unconditionally, or they're awful people who treat their own children like trash. And much like a lot of things in this show, there are times where the latter is treated like the former.

There are so many times where the narrative insists on making you see Gabriel as a troubled, but wellmeaning person who tries his best to be a good parent to Adrien, but it is far from the truth.

I'm not going to beat around the bush. Gabriel is a terrible parent. Like, he is awful at being a parent in so many ways, even before you find out he's Hawkmoth. In his first appearance, “The Bubbler”, he delegates getting Adrien a birthday present to Nathalie, his assistant. He literally can't be bothered to take time out of his schedule to get his own son a present for his birthday. And as the show goes on, he becomes more controlling and forbids Adrien from going out with his friends in other episodes (Captain Hardrock, Silencer). While this could be used to show Gabriel getting worse, it's never acknowledged in-universe, with Adrien continually defending his father essentially keeping him on house arrest.

“But IOTA!” You might say. “Gabriel has made efforts to bond with his son in some episodes.” While that might be true, most of those come right after his Akumas have almost gotten Adrien killed. He only hugged Adrien and made an attempt to learn more about him after Simon Says invaded their home, he only decided to watch that movie Emilie was in with Adrien after Gorizilla nearly dropped him off a building, and he only hugged Adrien again in public after he was turned into a gold statue by Style Queen.

In fact, let's talk about how Gabriel acts in the Queen Bee Trilogy. He actually decides to quit being Hawkmoth, but it's not because he realizes all the damage he's caused. Instead, he gave up because his “magnum opus”, a stronger than usual Akuma that only got the advantage on Ladybug ironically because of dumb luck, failed. Sure, he says he can't keep putting his son in danger, but he rarely ever acknowledges that he does so in the first place. When Riposte wanted to fight Adrien, Hawkmoth did nothing to stop her other than giving her a stern warning earlier on and nothing else. Where was this attitude earlier?

Hell, even then, he immediately goes back to being Hawkmoth as soon as he sees an opportunity, not even a day after his “mAgNuM oPuS” blew up in his face (because I guess Scarletmoth was just Plan B). If he made such a big deal about caring for his son, why didn't he try harder to spend time with him? Has he ever had doubts about what he's doing before? If Chloe didn't show up as Queen Bee, was he going to follow through on his promise and try to be a better father to Adrien instead of trying to get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous?

And yeah, the whole irony is that Gabriel is doing this for his family when he is unknowingly fighting his own son, which could lead to some interesting drama if done right. The idea of how Gabriel would react to his son being Cat Noir could really lead to some internal struggles for him to go through. But then we got “Cat Blanc”, which shows just how terrible of a character Gabriel is.

In an alternate timeline where he found out his son was Cat Noir, what does Gabriel do? Does he try to steal Adrien's Miraculous while he's sleeping? Does he reconsider his actions or realize he was endangering Adrien's life?

NOPE! He just decides to akumatize him all while emotionally tormenting him, before causing the end of the world.

This is honestly one of the most appalling things I've ever seen in any TV show, because it's basically an abusive father ordering his son to listen to him all while referencing his (kind of) dead mother to back up his point. And rather than use this to show how despicable Gabriel is, the episode decides to blame Marinette for this happening. Yes, according to the show, her present to Adrien caused several events to happen which caused Cat Blanc, but this logic makes no sense. It's like blaming the JFK assassination on the man who sold a gun to Lee Harvey Oswald, instead of, you know, Lee Harvey Oswald.

Not only was this episode yet another excuse to blame Marinette for something that wasn't her fault, it leads into the biggest problem I have with Gabriel as a character.

Sympathize with Gabriel? Surely, You Jest

After everything I've gone over regarding Gabriel as a character, after all the awful things I've talked about, are you really surprised that I don't feel bad for him at all?

Gabriel is just an awful character and a despicable human being, but the show just keeps wanting me to feel bad for him. It's just so hard to when you consider everything he's done has made him anything but sympathetic. I'm just saying, it's kind of hard to feel bad for someone who tries to start World War III with the only justification being “i'M dOiNg It FoR mY fAmIlY”, especially when he treats his family like crap.

The writers go out of their way to show how horrible Gabriel is as Hawkmoth/Shadowmoth, but they think because they throw in a few moments where he looks conflicted, we'll immediately feel bad for him. What makes so many people interested in seeing Chloe become a better person is that they can tell she's the victim of a troubled upbringing, and know that because she's only a teenager, she still has room to grow as a person, represented by having more honest moments of vulnerability. Gabriel is a grown man who once caused the apocalypse because of how terrible of a parent he is, and has even fewer sympathetic moments than Chloe does. Which one of these two is supposedly irredeemable? The answer may surprise you.

But the frustrating thing is that this kind of villain could have worked. Instead of making him this mustache-twirling psychopath, show how much Gabriel regrets what he has to do, but keeps pushing onward despite all the lives he's risking if it means that he can save his wife. Instead of making Gabriel like Lex Luthor, make him like Mr. Freeze, who is basic a better written version of him.

But as it stands, there's a good reason why Gabriel gets little to no respect as a character in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom, as a villain, or as a father.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadowmoth #shadow moth #emilie agreste #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #cat blanc #chat blanc #nathalie sancoeur #mayura #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug

[cassyapper]

loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

#cass cries #cass creates #jotaro kujo #kakyoin noriaki #jojos bizarre adventure #jjba #jojo #stardust crusaders #noriaki kakyoin #kujo jotaro #tenmei kakyoin #kakyoin tenmei #kakyoin #jotaro #jotakak #jokak #playlist #jotakak playlist #jokak playlist #jojo playlist #jjba playlist #jojos bizarre adventure playlist #sdc

[notasiren21]

To those who want to kill themselves:

I’m not going to sugarcoat this at all. I’ll be gentle at times and then rather aggressive. And for good reason...

Because you deserve to fucking live.

I’m aware there’s blatant bullying, discreet and subtle bullying that makes you question if you’re just being sensitive and taking things too seriously (most of the time you’re not, trust me), neglect, familial issues, and then situational instances that pound into your heart and head consistently.

Believe it or not, but the cliché term of “it does get better” is true, just as long as you yourself is willing to check its validity and try.

I thought of several ways like drowning myself in the bathtub and hoping my fingertips would slip on the rims so I couldn’t pull myself up when my body got weak/ holding a knife to my chest while crying/ contemplating on just taking those three steps into the road when I was supposed to get the mail/ jumping off my balcony/ finishing off my oxycodone pills from a wisdom teeth surgery/ etc.

Maybe I’m a coward or was weak, but I could never follow through with it. Just left with that same bottle lying in a medicine basket somewhere or had a brief puncture mark on my chest that just broke the skin with the tip, whatever.

Crying myself to sleep almost every night because it was too much.

Honestly, I think being a coward and weak was the best thing to happen to me.

I lost a boyfriend from how much my anxiety and suicidal thoughts consumed me and had to tell my parents why I was dumped which led to me seeing their faces when I fessed up and said “I’m not happy, I’m not okay”.

It’s funny because I’ve had a cry for help several times through stuff I’ve written and published on fanfic sites, stuff I’ve given to my teacher to read senior year, literally telling my AP Lit class two years ago I was depressed and thought suicidal shit (only 8 of us in that class and teacher) and being told “it’s just like that sometimes, gotta shake it off”, “don’t let people’s words get to you”, “yea, same” and having a teacher pretend like she heard nothing.

That one time I was brave, and I was waved off.

I know there are times where you finally find your voice for that one split second and then you’re ignored, and you feel yourself rescinding back to mute and distant.

I know you’re plastering a smile on constantly to fool others because you’re afraid what will happen when they find out.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

When you hear so many voices in your head playing that record on repeat of the things you most want to forget. Having those nightmares occur where someone takes the final step to push you to your edge. Seeing the annoyed rolling of eyes or blatant show of disinterest of you.

Nine years of schooling, because after 3rd grade, I was just one of those girls who females decided to hate for breathing or asking a question. So nine years I was trying not to victimize myself in my head and justifying why everyone acted the way they did to me.

Teenage girls and teachers alike made my life hell. The girls never gave me the chance and teachers treated me like I was some lost cause that couldn’t even make it to merit roll and like my work was shit.

“Oh, you sure you can make it into the media production film? I don’t think you’ll be able to make shows like you planned. Maybe try for something else.”

“Your writing is, it’s okay. Try harder next time.”

I struggled with grades in high school and wondered if I’d even graduate.

I made the president’s list my first year of college. Got straight A’s. My English professors loved to leave excited feedback on my essays and were amazed how quickly I could conjure one up and fix my own mistakes before peer review.

My professors talked about me to one another and when I met the new ones, they already knew of me.

My history professor begged me to write a poem for a book he’s writing and publishing near 2021.

My creative writing professor attacked me with an email of compliments over a chapter book of poems I wrote where i took them in the order written so it was me at my worst, to me fooling myself, to me losing and falling back, to me trying for help, to me being the best I’ve ever been. >I also made him cry in a class writing experiment with less than 300 words.

(Idk maybe the bitch is that sensitive but he was chill)

My point is: fucking block out what other people say or do to you. Tell someone you trust you need help and stop kidding yourself.

And please, for the love of god, if it is really that bad then do not make yourself so naive into believing a friend or partner can take the brunt of it all and fix you.

It may work for some time, but if you’re still suffering, they will too and neither of you will win in the end.

I took to therapy and it worked. And I dropped all the toxic shit out of my life and moved on.

I may not use social media besides Tumblr or Discord, but I’m more present in life than I was before and not comparing myself to others anymore.

I dropped friends that made me feel bad and bashed things I liked or would cause issues and I have a peace of mind (as much as one can have one during a pandemic and such).

Get the help. Find ways to receive help if you can’t financially afford it. Find that courage to tell someone you trust that listens to you that you are suffering and need that professional help and to be taken seriously.

I was the first to walk the graduation stage of my 2019 class, and I thought I’d be the first of us to die because I couldn’t move past everything I’ve endured from a large majority of them.

I would’ve missed how positively my life turned around.

I would’ve destroyed my parents, little sister, and brother for being so selfish.

I’m the middle child, the good kid with a career in mind and the mediator of the family. And I’m used to not being the favorite but appreciated one.

My dad confessed to me that I was his favorite and I never want to hear it again.

You never want to hear a man you see as the strongest person you know say that while trying not to cry and keep his voice normal, you don’t want to hear “You were always my favorite” said in such a thick voice it brings tears to your eyes.

Your life matters.

This isn’t Sims where you can move on to the next household member. This isn’t like throwing LEGO R2-D2 off a cliff with that iconic scream only or lose a few coins. This isn’t a fucking game.

And I am so sick of hearing people treat it like some quest you get once in your life:

“You’ll be okay.”

“Cheer up.”

“It’s just a phase.”

Etc.

It’s all fucking bullshit. We live in a world that sugarcoats the severity of someone’s life when it’s presented in front of us while on the precipice of shattering.

You deserve to live. Anyone who tells you otherwise is the one who loses the right to be considered human or a person, not you.

Do not let someone dictate your life’s outcome because they don’t agree with you or like you.

And please, for all that is good in this world, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re alright when you don’t feel it.

Hang in for one extra day to gather the strength and tell someone you need help.

Everyone acts so ashamed of it but it was the best thing that happened to me after being such a weak coward and now, I’m genuinely happy. And it was a lot of work to get here.

Want to know where all my angst and suffering had gone to? Just ask the characters in the books and fanfic content I’ve written. I’m sure they don’t appreciate it, but those stories wouldn’t exist if I gave up then.

And believe it or not, people will fucking miss you like hell if you killed yourself. It’s just too hard to see it right now and I was blinded before too.

Not everyone has the same opinion of you. Not everyone matters in your life.

You’re living this life singlehandedly by yourself while surrounded by others experiencing the same thing. Don’t let that opportunity go to waste.

And if you need distractions, indulge yourself in the harmless guilty pleasures like I do.

It can get better if you just open yourself to it.

It can get better if you get help.

You really must be so tired, isn’t it time you stopped pretending?

#suicide #mental health #readers #followers #depression #anxiety #help #encouragement #bluntness #medical help #get professional help #stop pretending #to my readers and friends of #miraculous ladybug #ateez #astro #kdramas #timeless #fe3h #fire emblem

[natromanxoff]

Drama, drama, drama... Alright, now we have one about Roger Taylor. And I strongly felt the need of making a post about this because I talked to the blogger here who shared the photo, ergo had a chance to closely follow what has been going on.

What is this I am talking about? 

This photo, that has also been posted here. Jacques Dutard, who is the owner of the photo wrote this caption: “Hey, just wanna share what happened to me just yesterday at lunch... In Sardinia, at the restaurant I have Roger arriving and sitting on the table next to us... Simply amazing, exciting, awesome. Thanks Roger.” So it is about this photo that Roger had with fans on 10th of August, at a restaurant, without a mask, in Italy. As you can probably guess, the ‘without a mask’ and ‘Italy’ parts have bothered some people, then came the horrid comments.

Before I start, I want to especially specify that I am a person who is a medicine student, daughter of a doctor and whose parents have gotten the virus in the beginning of the April but still have the effects virus left on body such as tachycardia, arrhytmia, respiratory distress which appear after a physical activity. These facts don’t make me an expert but make me someone who has relatively better knowledge about some medical subjects and someone who has had a bad personal experience with the virus.

I don’t know if there’s any need for me to say that I’ve become really worried after seeing the visual, it was my initial reaction, I always dread to hear the news of their death and I was, yes, thinking what if he gets infected? My parents in their forties still have problems and in comparison with them; him in 70, what bad consequences would happen? Then, I had some other questions, I was sort of disappointed that he went out without any protection, after all that’s been said. Why?

I know, he’s a smart man and thought I can’t judge him that easily because of him going out. I considered some points and turned my disappointment into calmness. Now I am sharing them with you, especially for those who’s initial reaction was panic and started to spit venom,

Firstly, we must acknowledge that photos are capture of a moment which lasts for split seconds. All we have right now is a split second photo of him without a mask. So do we have any right to attack him for not using mask? No. Because I don’t even know if he was already wearing it or not, if he took it off for the photo or not. Maybe he wanted his smile to be seen at the photo, wanted to create a sincere environment. But we can’t create a drama out of it. Believe me, I am one of those gets so raged after seeing a person not using a mask. It’s necessary, you have to do it for both your and my health. But even I, am not going to make a story from only a photo of someone. That’s pretty normal. I have taken photos of ourselves too and I took my mask off at safe points for this only to wear it again after. However, I will never let people say that I don’t have the mask on me, how dare I can be this selfish and stroll around without any caution. No, I am very very careful and you can never judge me for the moment.

Secondly, let’s say he hasn’t been using mask while he was sitting. He’s at a restaurant. It’s quite understandable that he doesn’t have a mask. Is there anyone who can eat with their masks on? I don’t think so. I am also sure many of us has gone to a cafe or restaurant at some point since the decreases at the cases have started and shops were opened. I accept that I did but where did I choose to sit? At open-air and secluded parts of them. I have started using my mask even before the virus hasn’t been spreaded widely around the country yet, never stopped using it even if I go outdoor because I’ve always been conscious about it. But guess where is the only place I had to take them off? Yes, the restaurants. While I am eating, I have to use my mouth and I take it off to wear it immediately after I finish. That’s probably what he had to do too.

Next, if you just observe carefully and detailedly, you see a small distance between them and Roger. Perspective can fool us so well and unbeliveably. You assume it’s short length from a point but when you change your angle, you see that it is not what it looks like, it’s the opposite, the gap is huger than you think! There has been posts about it even here. What if this is the case? I don’t think that I can interpret that he doesn’t care about rules and stays close to people. In fact, he’s leaning towards them slightly, his chair and knife seems a little so we can quite reckon how is his sitting straight position. Gives me a impression that it’s far from other people and he just leaned a little for the photo because he isn’t rude to the fans. I am sure, there would be another discussion if he rejected their photo request. The man seems like sitting at the edge of the chair and there is a woman and man smiling and looking at camera in the back, at the second table. I can maybe assume, these fans came from there and talked briefly, took a photo, then went away. He always stays close with fans or puts an arm behind them on photos, if he didn’t care, he might have tried to do that again.

Another point, some researchs say that not socializing for a long time might cause regression on brain structures and functions especially of old people, who are older than 65. They already have minor of it, as something age brings with it and closing them, without any human interaction might make it worse. That’s why this has been discussed here if there can be another good way for old people because being under quarantine for months may effect them badly. Not just that, psychological effect that being between 4 walls leaves on us is a significant one. Whether we notice it or not, there is a change because we’ve gotten used to go out freely. As for him; alright, he has a big house with a wide garden, his wife with him and comparably, he has much comfortable and livable conditions than many of us. But is this really enough to stay there for this much long time and don’t go on any holiday at all? Especiallr for him who is energetic and has given concerts for all these years? Same place bores us after a point, we feel the need of change. He has stayed in his house for all this time and hasn’t moaned about it on social media like some other celebrities, he probably tried to make the best out of it; giving drum tutorials, recording a song, playing song with his friends on video call and now that he went to holiday, people started to attack. He has disadvantage because of his age but also has right and need to get relaxed too.

All people started to go on holiday. I confess, I did too. We have a private summerhouse with a pool so I have been lucky about not getting into crowd a lot but I was still cautious. Like I have woken up at the wee hours to be able to go to sea. So it’s possible to go on holiday and be safe if you take the precautions. We don’t even know what kind of a holiday he’s having, might be a boat, private rented house or something else. Maybe he was isolating himself on the vacation too. We don’t even know anything for sure. Just because we received a photo of him at a restaurant isn’t enough to throw mud at him for going on holiday. Especially not now, when everybody is having holiday. If only celebrities went to have holiday and us people had to stay at home, I would get angry too. But he’s not only one to blame at this. 

Lastly, his daughter is a GP. He can comfortably ask her about what he should do or what is safer to do. Everybody likes to ask to people who’s close to them and in that field because it’s easier to learn and more reliable than internet. Like even a neighbour rings our bell to ask a medical question to my father at obnoxious hours, is he going to he hesitate to call his own daughter to ask couple of things? I doubt it. He has a chance to learn about it more and better, I am sure he wouldn’t miss this chance. He has always been a responsible, smart man and I am not sure if he would suddenly turn into an ignorant, stupid person.

I try to see your point of views too. Yes, it seems unpleasing to view him in that position during this pandemic. Yes, I was irritated by it as I said that I am much more sensitive about this and it is against my principles. But when you think sensibly, you get to the conclusion that it might not seem like what it is. If we kept seeing new content of him going around without a mask, I would totally justify you. But right now, this is not what it is. It’s so easy to prejudge someone, so so easy, what is harder is to put them aside and think carefully if something different is possible. When I think, I reach to these many points and I haven’t felt lazy to write them all because I haven’t seen enough people that think with every aspects but seen the ones who attacked greatly. 

I am concerned because of his age and his choice of resturant which is relatively crowded. But as it is in the words, it’s his ‘choice’ and I can’t call him stupid because of that. I am hoping that nothing bad happens because this disease is really hell but I also trust his mind and try to think that he will do what’s necessary to protect himself. I just invite everybody to think reasonably, evaluate every aspects and not create a drama easily because we have already enough of it. Criticize kindly, I do that too - I would have preferred him do be at a safer place but as I said there is probably an explanation and it’s his will, but please don’t be this aggresive using these rude words.

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #roger meddows taylor

[heartbreaknow]

So I wrote this ridiculous meta. It’s long, guys, it’s long. I wrote most of it like a year ago, but a discussion on discord made me decide to add a couple of paragraphs and actually post it.

I know meta isn’t really en vogue anymore (lol, was it ever?), but what the hell. If you enjoy deep-dives into Tony Stark’s hot mess of a psyche, it’s possible you’ll enjoy—

Tony Stark as Sisyphus (& The Tranquil Summit of ‘I’m A Good Person’)

Okay, so here’s what I think:

I think Tony Stark has a high (and largely accurate) estimation of his own value, i.e. what he’s accomplished and what he can do. He’s a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, superhero, and he knows it. But I don’t think Tony really sees himself as a good person or believes that he deserves to be liked and cared about for who he is. I am 100% convinced that inside Tony Stark’s mind is a subconscious narrative that goes:

1. If people don’t value me they’re idiots who aren’t worth wasting time on.

2. If people don’t care about me, they’re smart; caring about me is a bad move that will erode quality of life over time.

Basically, I think there’s this weirdly paradoxical thing that happens, where, whenever Tony does something incredibly heroic and brave and selfless, he attributes the thing he’s done to his value, but not to his goodness. A psychologically healthy person would recognize they’d done a good thing, and each time it would incrementally reinforce their sense of themself as a good person. But Tony, who is not such a psychologically healthy person, fails to identify and attribute his actions correctly. In his mind, the thing he did was valuable, perhaps necessary, probably important. But his understanding of his own actions largely bypasses goodness.

Which kind of ends up creating a bit of a negative feedback loop whereby he has to be heroic just to break even. Because subconsciously, he’s not a good person doing good things. He’s a dubious person doing necessary, valuable things. If he stops doing the necessary valuable things…what’s left?

On a conscious, surface level, he is aware the things he does are good, but I think he’s so unpracticed at linking the idea of goodness with his own self-identity that he tends to almost discount goodness where his own actions are concerned. Like, if you asked him if he thought he’d done a good thing by saving a bunch of people from plummeting to their deaths, he’d be like, “Yeah, of course, saving lives is kind of the superhero MO.” But it’s just words. His psyche doesn’t know how to make use of that. In fact, even here in this little hypothetical projection I just did, he’s deflecting away from goodness in favor of efficacy and necessity.        

So all of the good things he does just reinforce the schism in his psyche whereby he has a well-supported sense of his own value, but any sense he has that he is good is as thin and unsupported as a house of cards. It’s kind of like a sibling to impostor syndrome, where a very competent person doesn’t attribute their competent actions to the fact that they are competent, but instead attributes their competent actions to any number of other factors, such as luck, other people’s help, or that it was actually easy and if it hadn’t been easy they would have failed. Except in Tony’s case it’s not his competence his psyche doesn’t know how to reinforce, it’s his sense of his own goodness as a person.

Tony’s subconscious says: you don’t do good things because you’re good. You do them because you have to. Because what kind of a person would you be if you didn’t? Because you’re trying to be better. Because you need to atone. You do good things to mitigate your badness. You do selfless things to mitigate your selfishness.

If someone accused him of being a bad person, he could, and might, defend himself by listing any number of extremely good things he had done. But because he hasn’t internalized them properly, the defense would feel hollow and flimsy to him—despite it actually being a sound defense. Which is why, instead of defending his goodness, he’s a lot more likely to say, “Yeah yeah, selfish asshole. Got it. But I’m a selfish asshole who can pull us out of the fire.” Because that he has internalized: he is valuable. He can do things no one else can.  

(Side note: I think this is part of why some people perceive Tony as being a narcissist with a huge ego. They assume he thinks highly of himself, and is extolling his own virtues when he calls himself a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. “Shallow bragging,” they think. But he’s not extolling his virtues. He’s giving his resume: This is my value.)  

And I think he just kind of goes through life that way, relying on his sense of his own value to be enough, to get him through, without some kind of psychological collapse. And it mostly works. He is very valuable; it’s enough to get by on. I mean, he’s saved the planet how many times? And the technological advances he’s provided society over the last decade are hard to overstate. And he funds the Avengers almost single-handed. So yeah, damn right he’s valuable.

But no matter how strong his sense of his own value is, it’s ultimately a shell. I’m not saying it’s worthless, because it’s very much not. Feeling valuable is a really great thing for anyone to have as part of their self-identity. But the bottom line is that it’s not who he is; it’s what he can offer. It’s one abstraction removed from the core of self-identity. And what’s encased in that shell of value is a person who doesn’t really like himself or trust himself, because he hasn’t properly internalized all the reasons he should.

.

Also, do I need to mention that his Iron Man suit (a literal shell he literally built and literally uses to give aid and protection) is the perfect extension of the schism between who he is vs. what he can do for the world? (It’s also a perfect extension of the way he conflates who he is with what he can do for the world.)

What’s interesting is that in Iron Man 3, he proves to himself that he’s still Iron Man, with or without the suit. Which is a positive, empowering affirmation for Tony, and the movie kind of plays it as the ultimate breakthrough in self-actualization—but it doesn’t actually address the underlying schism in his sense of self. It doesn’t bridge the disconnect between “I am a valuable person to the world” and “I am a good person within myself.” All it does is prove to Tony that he is able to be valuable even when he’s alone and suit-less. He feels less afraid by the end of the movie because he’s proven that the suit is not the source of his empowerment. However, his self-identity is still kind of a mess. He just feels more certain of his ability to self-generate the side of that mess which he sees as valuable.

.

Another thing I want to note is that I don’t actually think Tony’s difficulties with internalizing a sense of personal goodness spring from the fact that he used to design and sell weapons. I definitely think his years of designing and selling weapons negatively affect how he feels about himself, but I think his issues with self-identity began a lot earlier in life, with a father who “never told Tony he loved him; never even told Tony he liked him.” Young Tony was probably often reprimanded for his badness but rarely praised for his goodness. And when he was given any sort of approval as a child, it was probably most often for making himself useful in some way (I’m picturing Howard saying, “Don’t just stand there like a simpleton; help your mother.”) Though as he got older he probably also discovered intelligence, drive, and ingenuity would get him places. Thus creating a mentality where “bad” was the default; “good” was out of reach; useful, intelligent, and driven were the best you could do; and accomplishment was currency.  

So if anything, I think the causation goes in the opposite direction: Tony’s years of designing and selling weapons did not cause his estrangement from a sense of his own goodness. Rather, his pre-existing estrangement from a sense of possible goodness was part of what made him willing to design and sell weapons. It’s certainly much easier to disregard the ethics of your pursuits when you’ve never really believed yourself to be a good person anyway. When you are in fact so estranged from the notion of what it means to be good that you’re honestly not sure how you would achieve it or even what it would feel like.

It also is a big part of why he’s more prone to “ends justify the means” thinking than some of the other Avengers. The concept of goodness is more abstracted for him. When Cap is faced with a problem, for example, the first thing he mentally reaches for it his ethical compass; he trusts it will guide him. Whereas Tony’s ethical compass isn’t a tool he’s particularly comfortable using; it’s unreliable. When something is wrong, when there’s a threat, Tony reaches for his drive and intelligence to make the wrong thing right, to neutralize the threat. On a gut level, Tony believes that making the wrong thing right, neutralizing the threat, equals good—and drive says the means which get you to the good result are good means. Compared to Cap, for whom the end result is secondary. Good people use good means to try to stop bad things from happening. The good is in the trying, not the result. (Tony: We’ll lose. Steve: Then we’ll do that together too.)

Obviously Tony does not consciously believe good results always equal good means. But it’s harder for him to determine when his means are bad, because he has such a messy relationship with his ethical compass. If he didn’t mistrust it, he’d find it was a perfectly functional and admirable ethical compass. But he can’t trust it, because he doesn’t truly believe he’s a good person in the first place.

.

What’s interesting, though, is that he keeps trying. Ironically, when it comes to being a good person, he doggedly practices Steve’s approach. He keeps trying to do enough good to outweigh his perceived failings, regardless of the fact that it’s a Sisyphean task because his psyche never internalizes it properly. He keeps trying anyway, with no real belief that there’s some tranquil summit of “I’m a good person” for him to reach. He keeps trying, because that one thing, at least, he’s sure is right. Which is really what makes him heroic.

.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#tony stark #tony stark meta #tony stark's psychological issues #steve rogers #remember to add a big old IMO to this entire thing #nobody reads meta #and i understand why #it's not my favorite thing to read either #but i always end up writing it anyway #because i'm a masochist i guess?

[nona-gay-simus-main]

Top 10 Worst Tropes in Romance - Part 2

Disclaimer: This is MY opinion, you do you.

Part 1: Here

1. The Child Partner

I’m not talking about literal children, because duh. What I mean is the a person who needs their partner to emotionally parent them.

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the whole point of a romantic relationship is to be with an equal. You’re supposed to be teammates, best friends, and lovers.

Of course, I'm not including cases where one partner is disabled or chronically/mentally ill and needs the other to take care of them - that’s an entirely separate thing. 

I'm referring to people (usually cishet men), who constantly need their partner to manage their moods and emotions. They always have some ~trauma~ to manipulate the partner into staying in the relationship in order to keep reassuring them, confirming their self-esteem, and even doing their cooking and cleaning, as if they aren't abled adults with two functioning hands.

That shit sucks!

Imagine doing that for someone all the time and then also trying to have a kid (or multiple kids) with that person. Not only will you be taking care of your actual child; but also - your partner-child. Stop normalizing lazy, emotionally stunted men. That shit ain't cut no matter how hard his abs are or how big his dick is.

2. “I’ve been in love with you since the first moment we met.”

I don’t know what it is about this trope, but it shows up in many romances and it always makes me uncomfortable. How the hell are you supposed to react to that? 

Oh, you’ve been in love with me since the first time we met? Yikes, my dude.

You can’t even fall in love with someone that fast anyway. You're not in love with the person, you’re in love with your idea of them!

The only acceptable version of this is the one where it’s more along the lines “I thought I might fall in love with you if I spent any more time with you.” But other than that, I really don't understand why this is a thing?

3. Lust = Love

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude. I’m perfectly fine with couples who have loads and loads of sex. I’m also perfectly fine with casual sex and friends-with-benefits and any other consensual arrangement between adults.

I just get tripped up when pretty much all a couple does is have sex. They have little in common outside of sex, spend little time together when not having sex, and don’t share any hobbies, interests or even conversation topics. Or worse, when they aren’t having sex, they’re fighting. 

If you want your characters to get laid, that’s cool. But if you want me to believe they are also falling in love - you’re gonna have to try a little harder.

4. BDSM = Abuse

Yes, abuse happens under the pretense of BDSM, but BDSM is NOT inherently abusive. It only happens within pre-established boundaries and safe words and with explicit consent. The only people who claim it's abuse, are people who have a vested interest in controlling what women and queer people do with our bodies.

So I really, really hate it when people use “It’s just BDSM, don’t be so uptight” to justify their rapey, abusive love interest’s actions. If the submissive has not already consented, or their consent was obtained through manipulation or intoxication - it’s not meaningful consent.

BDSM is a lot more complex than some of the simplistic catchphrases we use to explain it to the vanillas, and we can discuss those complexities for hours, but at the one thing is definitely true - the Dominant only has as much power as the submissive is willing to give. If they (knowingly) cross a boundary or take power without the consent of the submissive, it’s not power exchange, it’s abuse, pure and simple.

5. "All women want him. All men want to be him"

Really? ALL women? Are you sure?

I hate to tell you this, but some women are exclusively attracted to other women. And some women aren’t attracted to anyone. Some women have low libidos, and some women just don’t prioritize sex and relationships for whatever reason. And some women are in happy, fulfilling monogamous relationships already.

And all men want to BE him? Did you know that some men are attracted to other men? They might want a piece of that too. Or perhaps, they just don’t value being some alpha douchebag and are happy to be their much better-adjusted self. That's a thing.

Can we let this cliché die already? Please?

6. Giving up your dreams for ~love~.

Oh man, this is the worst! And why is it nearly always the woman, who has to make a choice between her career and ~~~LoVe~~?

So many books/movies etc. start with this powerful career woman and then by the end reduce her to nothing but a trophy to her man. That’s not feminist, it just keeps perpetuating the same tired gender roles.

And I can’t help but think about the future of this relationship. What if it doesn’t work out? Then the partner who the dreams were given up for looks like a jerk, even if they never asked for this.

And even if it works out, the partner who gave up their dream job, or opportunity, or whatever, will always have this “what if” at the back of their mind. Over time, they may even end up resenting their SO, especially if things don’t work out for them career-wise.

Just such a bad trope all around. It’s not romantic, it’s toxic, and co-dependant and I want it to stop.

7. He treats everyone like crap ***but you***.

You know the limitus test to see if someone’s a good person? Look at how they treat people who are “beneath” them. Their servers, the cleaning lady, etc.

If this guy treats servers like crap, treats his friends and family like crap, treats everyone like crap, except for the person whose pants he wants to get in (or wants to keep getting in for the foreseeable future), why are we romanticizing him? He’s a selfish jackass.

You can have a grumpy (but ultimately caring and good-natured) character, that's fine. But if he only treats people like humans when it benefits him - that's not sexy, that's sociopathic.

8. Love Cures All

Ahhh, the worst of them all. Truly, having a character who suffers from mental illness or has a major trauma, but oh look, they got some cuddles from the love interest and now they are all good!

Just stop, please. It’s so damaging to the people who are going through this, to tell them that all they need to feel better is ~~~LoVe~~~. And if they aren’t getting better? Well, they just haven’t gotten enough ~~~LoVe~~~!

It’s also damaging to the partner - no one should have this much responsibility on their shoulders.

Obviously, the love of a partner, friends, and family can HELP with the healing process, but it’s not enough by itself. Get them some goddamn therapy, please.

9. Accidental Pregnancy

I don’t know about you, but for most people I know, myself included, accidental pregnancy would be an absolute nightmare, not something romantic.

Do you know how bad my entire generation is doing financially? And people use this as a plot device to strengthen the relationship?

Also, relationships get weaker after having a child, not stronger. Babies are cute when they are sleeping, the rest of the time they are crying, screaming messes. Yeah, why wouldn’t sleep deprivation and constantly hurting everywhere strengthen your relationship? ��🙄🙄

10. Violent Men

IRL, violent men are scary, not sexy. Even if the violence is never directed at the love interest, chances are that over time it will be. But even if it’s not, why would you ever want to date someone who has the emotional maturity of a pre-schooler?

Because after pre-school, kids tend to learn to solve their problems with their words. But I guess your love interest hasn’t matured past the age of 6, which coincidentally also leads back to the first trope on this list. Charming.

#write #writer #writing #writing tips #tropes #bad romance #bad romance tropes #top 10 #top 10 list #writeblr #writblr #mine

[thewebcomicsreview]

hussie said a thing abt the epilogues reddit. com/r/homestuck/comments/cuywff/the_homestuck_epilogues_bridges_and_offramps_new/

I also think many of the negative feelings the story creates isn’t just an urgent prompt for the reader to imagine different ideas, or ways to resolve the new narrative dilemmas. It’s also an opportunity for people to discuss any of the difficult content critically, and for fandom in general to continue developing the tools for processing the negative emotions art can generate. Sorting that out has to be a communal experience, and it’s an important part of the cycle between creating and criticizing art. I think not only can creators develop their skills to create better things by practicing and taking certain risks, fandom is something which can develop better skills as well. Skills like critical discussion, dealing constructively with negative feelings resulting from the media they consume, interacting with each other in more meaningful ways, and trying to understand different points of view outside of the factions within fandom that can become very hardened over time. Fandoms everywhere tend to get bad reputations for various reasons, maybe justifiably. But I don’t see why it can’t be an objective to try to improve fandom, just as creators can improve their work. And I think this can only happen if now and then fandoms are seriously challenged, by being encouraged to think about complex ideas, and made to feel difficult emotions. I believe when art creates certain kinds of negative feelings in people, it can lead to some of the most transformative experiences art has to offer. But it helps to be receptive to this idea for these experiences to have a positive net effect on your life, and your relationship with art.

Christ, he’s gone full Lennon. Imagine a good ending. I wonder if you can.

So, I’ve mentioned this a few times, but the most transformative art has ever been for me was a comic that actually started on the Homestuck forums

Prequel - Or - Making The Cat Cry: The Adventure - is a comic written by Kazared loosely based on the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. It’s about a Khajiit girl named Katia who moves to OblivionLand to make a new life for herself, and the comic spent years building Katia up to bigger and bigger heights so that every time she crashed she crashed harder than ever before. The second time she relapses into alcoholism is where a lot of readers give up on the comic for being misery porn.

There’s a point where she she’s solved all her problems and even gets to join the mages guild - her lifelong dream - only for the woman running the Kvatch mage guild to mild control her into giving up all her stuff, including the stuff important to Katia’s only friend.  Katia is left naked on the streets literally digging through trash in the vain hope of trying to find a solution to at least one of her problems. And what she finds is a bottle of beer.

Twice already in this comic Katia hit a really bad patch and started drinking again. The comic has twice made us root for Katia to succeed, only to jump cut to her waking up in a stranger’s bed with no memory of what happened. 

She wanders into an empty church (OBVIOUS SYMBOLISM ALERT), and alternates between trying to find some supplies and fantasizing about everything magically getting fixed, which slowly morphs into fantasizing about drinking while getting increasingly furious at barrels for not having clothes in them.

One thing. You wanted one thing and you were too much of a fucking idiot to realize it was hopeless and pointless and bound to ruin everything. Stuck on some childish idea that you could be anything, do anything, and just be some selfish bitch that’s never happy with what she has. Fuck, you don’t even know what you’re mad at anymore, you just hate yourself and everything you ever ruined for yourself and everyone and want to stop thinking about what a worthless mindless thoughtless imbecile you are. You just want to stop fucking thinking about it.

You drop onto the chapel floor and just cry. You cry and cry because you’re stupid and easy and can’t fix anything no matter how hard you try. You cry because your best is worse than everyone else’s average. You cry because your parents never loved you and you’re a disappointment to everyone, even yourself. You cry because all you wanted was to be someone and that’s never going to happen. And when that’s done, you cry a little more because you’re ashamed of being such a crybaby.

You try to get all the emotions out, try to clear your mind and maybe, just maybe feel ready to tackle the night ahead of you, feel as though this is the time you finally turn things around. But no matter how hard you try, how hard you weep and bawl and try to get it all out, you’re still just a fuckup. No matter what you try, that knowledge is still there, gripping onto your every thought and reminding you that things are never going to change.

You’re not strong. You’re not a hero. You’re not even worthy of the name Katia Managan. You’re sad and angry and nothing makes sense, but you know this is probably the clearest your head is going to get.

Someday, things are going to get better. Someday, you are going to fight and persevere and everything will feel great. You think.But for now, you know what you have to do.

And at the very least, there is no way you could possibly make yourself feel any worse.

Katia, for the first time, manages to avoid drowning drinking. She overcomes her issues. And you know what happens next?

She accidentally sets the church on fire, because this is still Prequel. She passes out from smoke inhalation, and then there’s….

this, and then she wakes up and reflects on her managing to stay on the wagon.

Honestly, you just feel… kind of numb.

You fucked up. You lost everything you earned, were discarded by the people you looked up to most, gave away the package you were supposed to be delivering to pay your friend back, completely lost control of your powers, and after passing out naked in a church have probably ruined any chance you might have had at a good reputation in Kvatch. You were a wreck last night when this was all happening, but now… you guess it just feels like you’ve run out of sad. You’re just confused.

Personally, I think this stuff is way darker than anything that happens in the Homestuck Epilogues, which is mostly just over-the-top Warhammer 40k grimderp. This shit got to me, man. And around the time this is happening in the comic, I lost my job. And as the storyline continued past this point, I kept applying for jobs and getting turned down, and it started to really wear on me, I felt I had no useful skills, since my old job was supporting software that only that company used because they made it. Much like Katia got into great positions only to fail, I walked out of interviews thinking I’d aced it only to get turned down, while Katia kept making two-steps-forward-one-step-back advances and not really getting any closer to solving any of her issues. And one day, about six weeks into joblessless and starting to get into serious depression over it, I got two “Thanks but no thanks” calls from places I was feeling good about back to back, and I was just done. 10am and I was going to go into my room and lie down on the floor all day but first Prequel updated so I guess I’ll check it real quick oh hey a flash

This puzzle took me like 20 tries, I’m no good at them. Aggy ran out of inspiring dialogue and started looping. And if you’re not in the right mindset, in the right place, this probably doesn’t seem like much. But right there, a month and a half into unemployment, doing that stupid fucking jumping jumpy peg thing while a ghost cheered me on was life-changing. I was so fucking jazzed when I got it, I was fired up! I was so fired up I tabled my “lie on the floor all day in despair” plan, and started applying for a bunch of jobs. A few of those jobs called me back. One hired me. I still work there now. I always liked webcomics but Aggy Extrapolate is the reason I make them. Because good art is powerful. Good art changes lives, maybe even saves them. And it doesn’t need to be happy to do it, Katia still hasn’t succeeded at her goals (in part because Prequel updates at a rate Dresden Codak would make fun of).

What the hell did the Homestuck Epilogues do, by comparison? What’s the positive net effect on my life, or my interaction with art? “Sometimes things you like are bad”? Shit, man, I already knew that, I’m into wrestling. How is “John recognizes Terezi’s jizz on his dad’s car” supposed to make me a better person, exactly? Do you really think the problem with fandoms is that they’re not angry enough? Are you high, Andrew Hussie? 

#Homestuck #Prequel #Prequel Adventure #Also Drop Out was a million times better than the epilogues while also being a million times darker #Anonymous

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Lila Rossi: I’d Say She’s a Good Villain, but Then I’d Be Lying (300 Follower Special)

Deception and cunning are easily two of the most important traits an antagonist could have. It shows that even if they don't have the strength to overcome obstacles, their wit is more than enough. This kind of trait is why characters like Lex Luthor, David Xanatos, and Princess Azula are so beloved, simply because of how intelligent they can be as villains and pose a real threat to the heroes.

It's clear that the Miraculous Ladybug writers want Lila to be seen as this, but the writing seriously fails to back that claim up.

Easily one of the most controversial characters in Miraculous Ladybug is Lila, mainly for the writing surrounding her. But there was a time where she was actually more of an ambiguous character, mainly for the lack of screentime she had until Season 3. But unfortunately, the more appearances she's had have painted a very poor portrait of an antagonist.

Lila's Tragic and Sympathetic Motivation for Hating Ladybug

Lila's first appearance was at the tail end of Season 1, “Volpina”. She was a new transfer student from Italy, and quickly made friends with a lot of her classmates for the lies she told, including being friends with Ladybug (which Alya blindly believed without doing any research like any excellent journalist). But because of how close she was getting to Adrien, Marinette, in a rare act of selfishness, transforms into Ladybug just to chew out Lila for lying about knowing her, humiliating her in front of Adrien. And this is the only motivation we get for what Lila does afterwards.

I'm not saying that it's wrong for Lila to get upset at Ladybug for doing this, and I like the moment of weakness Marinette has, but this is literally the only explanation we get for Lila deciding to side with Hawkmoth, a literal terrorist. As much as I hated the way the arc turned out, I could still understand Chloe siding with Hawkmoth, as it was clear that Hawkmoth was manipulating her and taking advantage of her ego. Lila? Ladybug's mean to her one time, and that inspires her to conspire with a complete stranger who brainwashes people to attack the city, which endangers innocent people and causes God knows how much in collateral damage if not for Miraculous Ladybug fixing everything.

I just don't get how a single negative interaction with someone is enough to conspire with a literal supervillain. Even in Season 3, when Marinette and Lila truly became enemies, it was because she risked exposing all the lies she told, which could damage her reputation. Sure, it's petty, but it makes sense for Lila to want to keep up the illusion. If she was simply an antagonist to Marinette in her civilian life like Chloe was before “Miracle Queen” , I'd be fine with that, but the writers clearly want her to be seen as on the same level of evil as Hawkmoth. I'll get into why that doesn't work later on.

Why Lila is an Excellent Liar

In my Master Fu analysis, I had pointed out that despite all the flaws he had, the narrative insisted on portraying him as an incredibly wise mentor. The same problem applies for Lila as well. We're supposed to see Lila as an expert manipulator and liar, but her lies are insultingly obvious. She always claims to be friends with celebrities and does all these awesome things, and in an age where we can have almost any question answered thanks to the internet, nobody ever stops to question her.

It's even more frustrating when you hear Lila talk about saving Jagged Stone's cat, when Jagged Stone is established to be very fond of Marinette (evidentially more than his own daughter), and nobody ever points that out. I think if Lila's lies were more stories about her travels around the world than outright lies about real people, it could have worked. It'd still be hard to believe, but it's something.

But this is a problem with writing shows aimed at children. As much as we hate writers who need to spell out things to kids, sometimes, they just don't understand some of the media they consume. Seriously, I never got this joke in SpongeBob as a kid, and I can't believe Nickelodeon actually approved this.

So the dilemma when writing a show with children in mind is finding that sweet spot between assuming your audience can figure it out, but not being too vague in your details. It's even harder when you need to find a way to convey the fact that someone is lying without being too obvious. Unfortunately, the show clearly fails to do that

Okay, this is going to sound like an incredibly weird thing to cite, and I only know about it because I used to know someone who was a huge fan of the franchise, but the movie Monster High: Friday Night Frights does a better job of subtly explaining to the audience that a character is lying. Please, just hear me out.

The movie follows the main characters competing in their high school's roller derby for the season after everyone on the usual team gets injured, and the championship match is against another school whose team tends to cheat to win matches. How they manage to do this without getting caught is anyone's guess. While the main characters are practicing, their coach, Clawd, notices a spy for the enemy team taking video of them to study their moves. In response, he calls over one of the athletes, Operetta, to chew her out for her showboating attitude. In reality, he's alerting her to the spy. Only using facial expressions, he clues her, and by extension, the audience, in on the fact that they know what the opposing team is trying to do.

This soon leads to Operetta pretending to tell the enemy team about their secret plan for the championship match, which was really an attempt to outsmart them to gain the advantage in the final stretch. The brilliance of this is how the audience is informed of this with no dialogue, and there's no scene afterwards spelling it out for those who don't get it. It manages to convey deception without being too obvious that Clawd and Operetta are being deceitful.

I think if there were more subtle hints to show the audience Lila was lying, she would be seen in a better light. As it is, Lila's lies are just pathetic, and it's ridiculous that everyone believes her. Which leads me to...

Lila, the Master Manipulator

I once read a Star Trek: Voyager fanfic that poked fun at the series by claiming that the reason a lot of the dumber episodes like “Threshold” and “Twisted” happened was because one of the crew members was an alien who unintentionally produced mood altering pheromones, with Captain Janeway actually realizing they were all high because of said pheromones, while two of the unaffected crew members were wondering what the hell they were doing before they found out the cause. Why do I bring this up? Sometimes, it feels like Lila is an unintentional parallel to the alien in that story.

Like so many characters, it's clear the show desperately wants the audience to view Lila in a certain way, but her actions do very little to actually back up that claim. When she's not using lies to tell stories about so many famous people she knows like her uncle who works for Nintendo, Lila is using strategies to manipulate everyone that are so obviously deceptive, the Thermians could pick up on them. Everyone and their mother knows how ridiculous a lot of what Lila does in episodes like “Chameleon” and “Ladybug” are, and I've talked about them before, so I'll try to be quick.

First off, as someone who had access to accommodations through high school and has had assistance in college so far, there is no way in hell that Ms. Bustier should take Lila's tinnitus at face value in “Chameleon”. If a student has a disability that could interfere with the education process, physical or developmental, not only does the school have to evaluate their performance, and determine if they're eligible for an Individualized Education Program, or IEP, but her teachers would have to be notified in the first place. As her primary educator, Ms. Bustier would be part of the team to oversee Lila's IEP and determine what accommodations she needs to help her learn better with her tinnitus and arthritis. But because the writers don't know what Google is, they just ignore it,  assume that Lila can just say she has a disability, and have everyone believe it. Even when Eric Cartman pretended to be disabled to compete in the Special Olympics, he put in more effort to look the part, even if he looked like a caricature.

Then there's the fact that that in “Chameleon”, everyone just believes Lila when she says Marinette stole her grandmother's necklace when not only is said necklace from the Agreste line of jewelry, but Alya, who is Rena Rouge, can't pick up on the fact that it's a fake. All she does to justify these lies is come up with a sob story about how nobody believes her, yet nobody ever tries to defend Marinette except Alya one time, and it was after she got expelled.

Or what about in “Oni-Chan”, where Lila thinks having Kagami kill Ladybug while claiming she'll back away from Adrien is a good idea? Let's say Oni-Chan does kill Ladybug or at least take away her Miraculous, what then? We know Lila wouldn't go through with this promise, and as soon as Kagami sees her harassing Adrien, she'll be ripe for akumatization again. Overall, not a great plan.

And yet somehow, this last example is what made her worthy enough to become one of Hawkmoth's most trusted agents. I'm just going to say it: Lila is not a good fit for the power of illusion. Whenever she's Volpina or Chameleon, she always goes out of her way to make a big show instead of being subtle with her deceptions. “Chameleon” is the worst offender, as even though Lila gets the power to shapeshift into someone else, instead of being discreet and cornering people into kissing them and gaining their appearance, she just runs around to get Ladybug's attention instead of being subtle. Even Felix had the bright idea to pretend to be Adrien to catch Ladybug off guard. How do you lose to something that happened in “Felix”?

Despite all of these screw-ups, we're still supposed to see her as this master of deception worthy of allying with Hawkmoth in both his supervillain and civilian form, when really, she's a terrible liar on the schoolyard and on the battlefield.

Why Lila is an Important Character

In the grand scheme of things, Lila just isn't as important of a character that the show loves to parade her around as. She's nothing more than a plot device used to raise the stakes in an episode, given how much reality seems to bend over just to accommodate for her lies. Even when the show alludes to her being part of bigger things, like her deal with Adrien, or her rivalry with Marinette, they don't even go anywhere.

She just feels pointless when you remember Astruc's brilliant idea to force Chloe into being the final Akuma for the season while Lila isn't even mentioned once. She only really makes appearances whenever the writers feel like it, which is why it’s hard to take her seriously. Why should I take this character seriously as a threat if the writers refuse to take her seriously as a threat? Why build Lila up as a big threat and not give her a major role in the finale? Why even include her in the show in the first place when you could show Chloe being more manipulative to fill in the plots Lila plays a big part in?

As of the time I am writing this analysis, four episodes of Season 4 have aired, three of them have been about lies or deception, and Lila hasn't been mentioned at all. It honestly seems like she won't appear unless the writers need a easy way to drive up the conflict, so they can justify it by saying that Lila's “superpower” of lying is more powerful than the common sense of everyone else.

I'm sorry this post was shorter than the last one, but compared to Master Fu, there's not that much to say about Lila that I haven't already said. Even the show barely gives her any attention, so it's hard for me to really find a lot to talk about.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #lila rossi #volpina #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadowmoth #shadow moth #alya cesaire #rena rouge #kagami tsurugi #ryuuko #ryuko #riposte #oni chan #onichan #caline bustier #zombizou

[vesperlionheart]

Self Indulgent Fic & Inner voice

So, interesting tidbit of maybe too much information on a Tuesday but I think I tricked my inner voice with writing self indulgent reader-insert fiction. 

Personal musings below the cut

To back up and clarify, I have an inner voice (like many) that just reacts to everything and makes itself into something I must constantly correct or filter in the day to day. It ranges all over, but a lot of the time my inner voice will fixated and focused on the negative gaze of others around me: ‘They’re looking at the wrinkles in your pants,’ ‘You didn’t wear make up today,’ ‘Your hair is too frizzy’ ‘you’re a mess’ ‘you don’t belong with the other adults’ ‘you’re too late’ ‘blah blah blah’ You can get the picture.  Years later it’s gotten so much easier to ignore and deflect. Age, experience, and practicing self care all helped, but the inner voice was always something to fight against. Instead of being in the same room as a predator I’m stuck in a room with a mosquito or gnat that I have to shoo away.   But life isn’t supposed to be perfect so this is fine, no need to complain, just keep going and drown it out-’be the better person-don’t be so selfish and self-centered, you’re the example.’ 

cool...

Anyway, back in June/July I started writing self insert or reader insert fiction and projected a lot of myself onto this unnamed ‘OC’ reader in a second person POV fic. It’s not cringe anymore to be a Mary Sue so why not try it?  Yeah, well, to keep from being TMI my ‘reader’ has some issues but also so much cooler than me and ended up being a vessel for many of my hopes and dreams. I invested in this reader/self-insert a lot and built up an extensive narrative where they received the affection of others (with no shame on my part because hell yeah it’s wish fulfillment hour every hour in this house).  And when I say a lot, I mean it: 334K including cut chapters, 295K without.     

That’s all fine and dandy but what does this have to do with my inner voice you may be wondering. Cool, well, I started hearing it vocalize positive phrases a little while back when I was getting ready for sleep. Just a very simple ‘I love you’ to myself.  It freaked me the fuck out at first. ‘Where is that coming from? What am I thinking??? W-Ha-at? WhY?! UMMmmM?’ I did not know where it was coming from because it was so different from all my other ‘almost asleep’ inner thoughts. It was nice. My gut reaction was to deflect and excuse it away as me being too lonely. But that was harder to do night after night the same voice helped me sleep and showed no signs of changing back to all the mean phrases.  

‘I love you’

And because I’m a soft dumb-dumb I didn’t have a clue as to  w h y  this change occurred or what triggered it until just recently.  The voice sounded like what I was saying to my self-insert through the other characters in my writing. I surrounded my character with a found family, with lovers, with trials they overcame, with so many positive things (that I worked hard to justify in the narrative without compromising my wish fulfillment perspective.) What my voice was echoing in my head at night was what I was saying to my self insert. ‘I love you.’  I basically tricked myself into believing in self love, which is something i’ve always struggled with, and I guess it happened because I was writing wish fulfillment, self indulgent, reader insert fic.

I’m just...huh about it all and decided to word vomit on you guys today.  

#tmi #personal #haha #writing #fiction #fanfiction #me #???

[ardenttheories]

1. Love the new url, it sounds great! 2. If you want to, what are your thoughts on the extent of the knight class’ exploitation abilities? Like, how Dave needs some ability to See timelines in order to be able to exploit them, and how Karkat sees himself as a master of interpersonal relations, though I’m less sure about how that influences his role as a Knight of Blood. Where does the justification “in order to allow for exploitation” end? Dave can travel through time but why? Seems like an heir

Ran out of characters. Where does it end? Dave can travel through time like an heir would, and then wield weapons that pause time like Aradia can, and then travel instantaneously—again, like an heir, and have a sense of which is the alpha timeline, like some sort of knowledge class. And then that’s not even mentioning his awareness of the narrative. Where does it end? Dothe ends justify the means and you can look sburb dead in the eye and say “I need this to exploit my aspect” that’s ok?

Sorry for pestering you so much, I have a habit of not being able to stop my train of thought once it gets going. Last bit: we haven’t really seen much of what happens in a fully realized page in homestuck (Id argue that Steven Universe at the end of his movie is a pretty good example of a fully realized page of heart) but I’m curious how you think the page being exploitational actually manifests in the page’s powers. Sorry this got so long, I’m just curious if you’ve got any thoughts on this

I’m glad you like it! It’s taking a bit of getting used to tbh - I keep going to naturally type sburbtheory instead of ardenttheories. Oops!

I think, in some ways, it’s as important to look at HOW Dave uses his powers as it is to look at WHAT powers he has. 

Dave can travel through Time, much like Aradia can. That’s true! But the way Dave uses his Timetravel is quite different to hers. 

Whereas she tends to use it to set up things for the longhaul future, to escape danger, to allow for the continuity of the timeline - and thereby follows exactly what she dictates Time to be - Dave is very much restricted to doing only what Time allows him to do. 

His Exploitation of Time works because he spends a week in the game in the course of about three hours. He Exploits the Timeloops to make sure that they can get everything done in their very restricted amount of Time before the Reckoning - something even Aradia may not have been able to do. She doesn’t tend to use her Time abilities a whole lot, especially after a certain point (e.g. when she starts spending more time in the Dream Bubbles), whereas for Dave, Exploiting Time to give them more Time is one of his key moves. 

In the same way, he Exploits Time to give them more Boonbucks and more Grist so that they can get everything they need extremely quick. Making loops upon loops upon loops of Daves doing things and then becoming those Daves ensures that everyone is able to survive even when the game seems to be actively working against them. 

That’s also another thing to consider, I think. Dave’s Exploitations of Time are completely stable. Every single Dave that we see in the second part of Act 5 - which is especially prominent in the panel where Jade tries to focus in on Dave through her compugoggles, which comes up showing 12 different Daves in the timeline at once - is the exact same Dave.

It’s Dave going back and forth through time, seeing his past selves and future selves and then eventually becoming or having been those selves, rather than a bunch of different Daves from different timelines (such as we see with Aradiabot, for instance). 

If Dave sees himself and hasn’t been there yet, he knows that it’s something he has to do in the future - otherwise he’ll end up as a Doomed Dave. And Doomed Daves are Dead Daves, which is something he tries his best to actively avoid. 

So, in other words, he can travel through Time because he’s Exploiting how Time works for a purpose; to give themselves MORE Time in a session that has almost no Time at all. It oddly works, because he’s still having to exist within the rules of Time, he’s just… pushing them a little bit.

Heirs of Time, on the other hand, tend to have Time bend to their whim. It does whatever they want it to do, and might even push a bit harder at the rules than a Knight can. 

They can become Time itself, do more jumps than Knights can (such as jumping through Timelines without becoming a Doomed Self like Dave would), can have Time flow differently around them (which Dave can’t; he has to create stable Timeloops, whereas the Heir could likely just make everything very slow or even stop around them while they kept going at a more natural pace). 

In some ways, a Heir of Time might even be able to slow down their own ageing! We know for a fact that Dave’s grasp on Time isn’t that firm; he can’t Control time, just work within its grasp a bit. 

I think, honestly, Dave knows what the Alpha Timeline is because he’d be dead if he was wrong. Which is a pretty simple answer? But all Daves that don’t follow the Alpha Timeline tend to end up dead pretty quick, and if he’s not meant to do it, he’ll die as a consequence of trying. 

We know he doesn’t really know what makes the Alpha Timeline because there are instances where he just can’t explain things - when Jade tells him to just “do what feels natural” when he asks about his copy of the SBURB Beta (which somehow ends up with her); when he blatantly ignores Rose trying to leave him behind on the Green Sun suicide mission, which turns out to be the right course of action but isn’t something he thought actually NEEDED to happen - and I would therefore have to assume that his knowledge of what is and isn’t the Alpha Timeline stems pretty significantly from an innate sense that “if I do this I will fucking die”. Or, like, he’s just seem a dead self and knows that’s a bad choice. 

His awareness of the narrative, from what I can understand, stems predominantly from exposure to Bro (the alternate form of Dirk). I went over that a bit ago, but it seems that Dirk has a habit of imprinting some of his abilities onto Dave, without actually giving him the full access to his powers (such as how Dave is kind of awake on Derse, but not fully; it’s a reflection of Dirk’s ability to be awake on Derse and Earth at the same time, but because it’s not actually HIS power it doesn’t work quite right). 

There was more. You can find that specific post here! There’s also a few other posts in the discussion around that time, too. 

Essentially, the narrative awareness thing isn’t totally a Time thing, nor is it anything really to do with his position as a Knight - so we don’t really have to worry about that. 

So, to make a long post a bit shorter, there’s actually a lot Dave can’t do. He has to work firmly within the realm of Time, and he can’t do anything that would actively break its laws. A lot of Knights are going to work like this; trying to break the rules will make them face colossal punishment, and really all they can do is use what little wiggle room exists in the Aspect to their advantage.

If it would break how the Aspect works, the Knight can’t do it (Dave can’t have Doomed Selves exist in the same timeline because there can only be one Dave per timeline) - but if it can be justified, then the Exploit works (Davesprite isn’t actually Dave, the Player, so it’s accepted by SBURB). 

We unfortunately don’t get to see a whole lot of Page Exploitation, which is frustrating, and also tends to be why I focus more on the description of Protecting for both Classes. However, to give it a pretty simple go…

Pages use their Aspect to Protect themselves. It’s actually a fairly selfish sort of Class - a bit like the Thief - and they have to work up to Protecting other people with it.

As such, when they Exploit it, it tends to be for their own gain - and isn’t usually that flashy at first. 

Jake Exploits Hope by enabling people to Believe whatever the hell they want about him so they almost always dismiss him as a threat. He manages to talk Jane round in circles when it comes to her feelings for him so he doesn’t have to give her a firm yes or no, and it’s accepted because he’s “a bit of a dunce”, even though, like John, he can actually be fairly smart. 

We can also say that he Exploits how goddamn vague Hope is as a concept. Some of the things he does are based solely around his own Belief in them - and that means he’s actually Exploiting his Belief into ensuring that these weird and wonderful things happen. 

If we’d seen more of him in actual Hopey combat, we might have seen even more amazing spectacles like the Giant Hope Explosion. If he’d believed in it, he could have Exploited his Belief (or that of others) to make things Real that never should have been real - like Brain Ghost Dirk!

BGD was never actually a real Dirk or a real Splinter of Dirk, but because Jake Believed that he was, he managed to become Real. He gained all of Dirk’s powers even though he strictly speaking shouldn’t have, and almost managed to defeat Aranea single-handedly. And we know he was almost Real because he managed to stay in one place with some form of automony while Jake ran away. 

So, that’s an Exploit x2; Exploiting Jake’s Belief in Dirk to actually make BGD in the first place, and then Exploiting Jake’s Belief in BGD’s existence to make him Real enough to actually Protect Jake (and again, this does come back to Protection, because that’s partly what BGD is for). 

Like, it’s not technically stretching the definition and abilities of Hope too far, but it’s definitely getting closer to that line than a Knight would be allowed, and it’s very much more personal than a Knight tends to do.

In a way, you can say that Tavros Exploits Freedom and Options by gathering the entire Ghost Army. There’s an unknown number of Ghosts out there that he can use to his own gain, and plenty of Options to choose from with how the Dreambubbles work. Plus, to find Freedom by beating an unbeatable game, using all the dead souls who were never actually MEANT to be around in the first place seems like a pretty good Exploit to me. 

Of course, I say both of those with a HUGE pinch of salt. Tavros’ for sure doesn’t really work when you think about how Knights Exploit, and that can be a bit… tricky. Although a lot of that could be because Hope and Breath are very non-physical Aspects that don’t have exact rules? Whereas Time is very distinct and firm, and there’s definite rules you have to obey.

I’ve seen people use Support instead, but I still think Protect works best. In either case,

They’d still have to obey the same rules as Knights, but I think they’d probably find even more wiggle room. They might be able to find the same sort of footing as a Heir, although it won’t come to them as naturally; the Page of Breath, for instance, might not be able to literally turn into the Wind, but they sure as hell could just mysteriously escape every confinement you try to force them into.

How do they keep escaping? Nobody really knows. But they probably can’t escape things that are sealed 100% tight - such as if they were teleported inside a concrete cube - and they probably rely on using the Breeze more than being the Breeze.

E.g. the Breeze can be used to steal back keys. It can also be used to throw rocks at keypads with perfect precision and oh look, the door’s open, lets go. 

They might also be able to phase through things, but not actually turn into the wind - so they’re just corporeal enough to get dragged back through if they’re caught. 

It might also just be the difference between what they can Exploit. For instance, a Page of Time might not be able to do the same Timeloops that a Knight can because that ability is focused a lot more on helping other people. They might, however, be able to send other things back and forth through time, like a personal Appearifier/Sendificator, because that’s technically not cheating so long as they remember to send the thing back to just a few seconds after they took it in the first place. 

That’d be Exploiting how Time works as a fundamental thing, and just how far you can go before you start screwing up the Timeline. In that sense, I think Pages probably have to be VERY careful.  

They might also have a better time at Exploiting Time on much more finite scales - such as by reverting time around a specific object because they’re technically not interfereing with the Timeline. 

Pages’ powers tend to be more finetuned and a little more dubious without really stepping over into Heir or Witch territory. That’s as best as I can think to explain it, admittedly. 

So, while the Heir of Hope could literally become Good Vibes and Positive Feelings, or literally become an angel, the Page of Hope can only spread those feelings if they already feel them, or could just summon an angel/take on its shape - the difference between Spontaneous Positivity and Shared Positivity, or Actually Being and Pretending To Be.

I think that probably makes sense. It might do! Pages are weird, if I’m completely honest, and the best way to understand them might just be to look at what an Heir can do and think, “okay, if that’s how far you can go when you’re actually becoming a thing, how far can you go when you’re not the thing without breaking the rules?” 

#page class #knight class #ardenttheories #class analysis #knight of time #long post// #fun-with-colors

[mytalemyworld]

When things get out of hand very quickly...

You may find it weird but when my otp has a good fight, I can feel their buried feelings more clearly and raw. As for these two, their fight was written very well, it got me in the feels, because it was the right moment and the show did it right. I think this fight was a breaking point, because after that, both of them had to face their own choices and think a lot about what they had done. Like, this isn't a funny game they thought they could handle, this is serious, so serious that can make their lives harder than they imagined.

(The translations belong to me, I didn’t translate the whole argument just some parts of it.)

Ayşe is having a bad day, Kerem is having a bad day too, hence one little spark is enough to start a fire.

Ayşe: You have never learnt to undress behind the cover! Kerem: Damn the cover!

They really wanted to fight and hurt each other. So the crisis escalated quickly. Accusations, hateful words, yellings... like you can understand they need to wreak their anger on somebody and get that out of their chests but you also know this isn’t going to end well.

Kerem: Look, I am having a terrible day because of you... You set me against my best friend. Ayşe: What the hell are you saying? How would I do that? Who knows why you two fought! Kerem: And I don't know how you managed to have an effect on my dad...I don't have any chance now because of you. Ayşe: You...you've lost your mind. You even don't know how selfish, loser, presumptuous you are! "You came between me and my dad", "I argued with Volkan because of you", what is that to me? What did I do?

Ayşe knows how to love, but Kerem doesn't. And he doesn't even want to learn it at all. He is being aggressive, scaring to lose "his freedom" and become one of those guys who have "boring married life" forever. Also probably feeling a little stuck in this life which he never wanted in the first place. Whenever he thinks he loses to her, he becomes more panicked and tries to be indifferent and arrogant.

But he is just missing the important point. Being in love is different. When he realizes this, he will also understand that he is willing to surrender to that feeling. 

He selfishly wants her to accept that she is the problem....but oh, the truth is...HE is the big problem.

Kerem: Feeling something for each other wasn't part of our deal! Ayşe: Come again, who feels something for you? Kerem: It's you.You! Who acts foolishly because of jealousy? Ayşe: I am jealous of you? You lost your mind. Where did this come from? Kerem: Remember that ring problem, and how about you turning against Ceyda, the other girls? Ayşe: Excuse me but you are the one who bought me a ring just because your friend hit on me. You are the one who is jealous! Kerem: I didn't buy a ring for you. Ayşe: Kerem...For once, stand behind what you did. Just for once, be honest.

She is smarter than you think, boy. And you are still denying it. *rollingeyes*

Kerem: Did I ever promise you that I would make you happy? I did not.

Just shut up man, you are about to ruin everything...

And of course Ayşe fights back with all her bitterness.

Ayşe: Do you know how people see me? They say she got married with Kerem because he is rich, but she is being cheated on. She is idiot. Noone respects me. In people's eyes, I am a lazy good-for-nothing and loser. Kerem: Can you say they are wrong?

Oh no, you didn’t.

I was pissed off at him very much, you have no idea. But let’s be honest, he has that leverage unfortunately. She lied first, she used him first and dragged him into a mess in front of everybody. Yes, he will gain something too from their bargain but she was more desperate than him. He really didn’t need her help, he will take over the company some day anyway. But whenever he wants to hurt her, he will bring up this matter and she will be sad again. He actually accused her of choosing the easy route, like getting married with someone just because she could escape from her brothers. She could have chosen another way but she didn't. But this doesn’t justify his harsh words, no matter what she did, she didn't deserve this.

He really broke her heart. (And you know, he is no better than her anyway)

Ayşe: Apparently I am really deceivable. I thought you were a little decent. But this is the end. It's over now.

He agreed with her immediately... But you know what, the ironic thing is that she can move on even if they divorce, but he can't do that easily. In the beginning he didn’t have many things to lose and she had more reasons to want this marriage but the tables have already turned. Her brothers became more decent, so she can go back to her old life and turn a new page. On the other hand, things are not easy for him anymore. Even though he thinks he will be free, he feels something for her, something that is enough to make him stop thinking about the other girls. So he has NO IDEA what he would lose if they broke up. And when that time comes, he will go to her for real. There will be no more games or tricks between them.

#afili aşk #afili ask #episode 8 #ayşe x kerem #ayker #çağlar ertuğrul #burcu özberk #my translation #thoughts

[zutaras-where-its-at]

Zutara Month Day 18: Diplomatic Solution

Summary: A ransomed noblewoman with a bark equally as bad as her bite, a cruel Captain with a shady background, a crew on the verge of mutiny, and a tired quartermaster reaching his last limits... [or, a zutara pirate au // part 2]

((day 2: Hidden Identity, pirate au part 1))

The woman is uncharacteristically quiet when he arrives well past sunset to unlock her iron bars. Zuko’s blood is still simmering in his veins, but he is gentle with her as he lifts her from her prison.

Before he can think to avoid her shrewd gaze, she’s stopping him with a surprisingly strong hand on his shoulder and turning him to face her.

“We can help each other.” Her voice is low and steady, and a shiver travels down his spine.

“I can’t release you, and even if I did, where would you go? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in the middle of the—”

She shakes her head, cobalt eyes seeming to glow in the light of the moon above them. “No. I don’t want you to release me. I want you to help me so that I can help us both.”

His dark brows furrow in confusion. “What the hell are you going on about, Yokai?”

“Katara. My name is Katara. And what I’m telling you is that I can get rid of Zhao, right here, right now. But first, I need your dagger.”

He thinks his heart might have skipped a few beats, and when the words fully sink in, he takes a moment to truly look at her. Her eyes are crystal clear and her chin tilts up in a stubborn angle, lips pressed into a determined line.

“Why?”

The breath she inhales through her nose trembles just the slightest bit, and it’s the first moment of raw vulnerability that he’s seen from her in the entirety of her two weeks on their ship.

“One year ago, my husband and my two children were sailing across the Wan Sea to join me in Ba Sing Se where I was studying to be a healer. Seven days into their voyage, their travelers ship was ambushed by a small band of rogue pirates who claimed that they were sent by their captain to take the ship’s gold. There were seven casualties. My husband and my children made up three of the seven.”

She does not cry, and her voice does not waver, but he hears the grief all the same.

“I don’t know what two children could possibly do or say to incur a pirate’s wrath, but it can’t possibly justify a death sentence. And after I heard the news, the only thing I had left was the name of my family’s murderer.”

“Zhao.”

She holds his gaze and a breath of understanding passes between them. It was not an accident that she was on their ship.

Zuko’s voice is solemn and tinged with warning. “How do you know you can succeed in killing him?”

“Those with nothing left to lose will always fight harder than those only looking to gain.”

Inwardly, his respect for her doubles.

“Why do you think this will help me?”

One slender brow arcs in a gesture that brings her back to her usual dry, witty self. “Quartermaster, I would have to be blind, deaf, and dead to miss how spectacularly unpopular your Captain is aboard his own ship.” Her expression morphs into something softer, something more honest. “You’ll make a much better Captain. The crew already respects your authority more than that asshole’s. The only reason they haven’t already committed a mutiny is probably because they are waiting for your cue.”

He scowls. “Flattery won’t get you any favors from me.”

The whites of her eyes flash at him as she rolls them. “I’m not flattering you, you idiot. And even if I was, that doesn’t make it untrue. Look, we don’t have a lot of time, and while I would much rather prefer having your help in this, I’ll do it on my own if I have to.”

Zuko purses his lips, eyes roaming over her face. There’s tension in her jaw that he hadn’t seen before and her chest rises and falls at a faster pace than normal, but the unrelenting steadiness in her gaze is what wins him in the end.

He watches his own hands give her his Uncle’s dagger almost as if he’s exited his own body and is looking on from above. His eyes rake across her smooth skin when she lifts her skirts and tucks the knife into the waistband of her undergarments. Dread and excitement wrestle each other in his stomach as he leads her towards Zhao’s quarters, and overall, Zuko is overwhelmed with the urge to drown himself in the dark waves on the horizon.

With a final look of determination, she disappears through the heavy double doors into the candlelit Captain’s cabin, and then there is only the sound of the sea and the moon over his head.

Crew members approach him with their usual questions or come to offer their quartermaster a beer or two, but Zuko remains where he stands just outside the Captain’s doors.

Ten minutes and he hasn’t heard a sound.

Fifteen, and he can’t stop fiddling with his sword.

It is just past the twenty-minute mark when he hears a muffled thump that has his head jerking up in alarm.

After a few tense seconds, the doors are abruptly pulled open, and Zuko watches the woman’s—Katara’s—figure step into the threshold. 

The candlelight behind her contrasts starkly with the light from the full moon above so that he can only make out the edges of her cheekbones, the glow of her eyes, and the rise and fall of her chest. His breath hitches.

The crew slowly begins to sense the shift in the atmosphere, especially since many of them had been acutely aware of any activity in that particular area since watching Zuko escort Katara into the lion’s den earlier. One by one, they shuffle towards the Captain’s doors until there is a crescent of rugged pirates surrounding her silent shadow.

Zuko watches her wait for them to settle, watches her raise her chin in a motion that he can’t decide is strength or nervousness. 

And then he watches her raise her right arm, Zhao’s severed head dangling in her slim, noblewoman’s hand. Her left is clutching their dead Captain’s glinting sword, the bloody tip dragging on the ground.

Strength, he decides.

“I’ll understand if you decide to execute me, and I will not fight your decision, as it is your right to end my life for the life of your Captain’s.” Her voice is calm and rings clearly over the sound of the ocean waves. “But, your Captain was not a man worthy of following, and I suspect that many of you are in agreement with me. He was vicious, selfish, and cruel, and he would have led you to ruin, not glory. Which is why I have provided you with the opportunity for a more appropriate option.”

Her gaze lands on him, and Zuko feels a thrill of adrenaline shoot down his spine. It only intensifies when he realizes that every other eye has also turned to him. 

“Captain Zuko has a fairly nice ring to it, don’t you think?” Her grin is just big enough for him to see it through the dark.

At first the deck is silent, hardly a soul daring to breath. 

Then, like the sound of the opening canon shot in a battle, his first-mate Lu Ten shouts, “All in favor of Captain Zuko!”

As a chorus of approving shouts flood his senses, Zuko does not break eye-contact with Katara. Something passes between them, and if he were a more romantic kind of man, he might call it fate.

Predictably so, the crew votes to spare Katara’s life, and the next hour has Zuko bouncing from one of his mates to the other, always being greeted with the smell of freshly poured beer and sent on to the next with a hearty slap on the back.

All too soon, it is late in the night and half of the—his, he thinks with a start—half of his crew is passed out over crates of supplies or across each other. The other half continue to drink in celebration, different folk songs being carelessly butchered with the exuberance of men well past their body’s tolerance.

Zuko finds himself leaning on the edge of the helm, enjoying the cool sea breeze that calms his flushed cheeks.

At the sound of light footsteps, he looks up to see the woman—Katara, he amends—make her way to him. She stops a few feet away, bringing one hand to rest on the ship’s wheel. 

She’s changed from her blood and salt stained dress into a pair of loose trousers and a cream-colored tunic that might have been white at some earlier point. The sleeves, that he assumes would normally fall long past the tips of her fingers, are rolled up to her elbows, and he infers that she has raided one of his men’s wardrobes. Her hair, however, is what truly transforms her appearance. Instead of the precise updo or fraying braid, it hangs utterly unencumbered, falling in loose waves over her shoulders.

For once, he is the one to begin the conversation. 

“Of all the people aboard my ship, you were the last person I expected to perform a coup d’état.”

She chuckles softly in response, and he finds that he likes the sound. “Well, that was the goal.”

She comes to stand beside him, leaning her forearms on the wooden rail. Her expression is the most relaxed he’s ever seen it, and he knows that a large part of her has now found peace.

He’s a little too buzzed to care that he’s staring. “So, what’s next for you?”

Her shoulder bumps his and the playful shine to her eyes tells him it was purposeful. “I’ve noticed that there’s a shameful lack of feminine representation on board your ship, Captain.”

Zuko grins. “Then you obviously haven’t seen Chan when he’s had too much rum.”

Katara snorts lightly, elbow jabbing him in the ribs. “As I was saying... I think you ought to fix this grossly disproportionate issue as soon as possible.”

“You’re right, I should. Now, where to find some feminine representation...”

The punch she levels at his arm stings more than he was expecting it to, and the laugh he lets out is so natural that it sounds foreign to his own ears. 

“Is that supposed to convince me of your femininity? Because I’m fairly certain you hit harder than most of my crew.”

She sniffs haughtily, but he can see her lips pursing in an effort to refrain from smiling. “Perhaps I’ll just take my extremely proper and dainty female presence to another Captain’s ship where it’ll be better appreciated.”

“You could,” he turns to face her more fully, voice lowering in pitch, “but once they found what you’re truly capable of, I don’t think there’s a Captain alive who could see you as just another proper woman. You deserve a Captain and crew who know what you really are and aren’t afraid of it.”

His eyes are fixed on hers with a weight he can’t seem to hold back, and her eyelids flutter just the slightest bit. 

She tilts her head up. “Is that a job offer?”

His head tilts down, but there is space still between them that he carefully maintains. “It’s whatever you want it to be, Yokai.”

Her lips twitch and her whole face seems to soften.

“Then I suppose you’re stuck with me, Captain.”

He smiles. “Welcome aboard, Katara.”

#here is part 2! hope you guys enjoyed it! this was fun to write :) #i know i know it's so utterly cliche and everything that happens just conveniently works out for everyone (except zhao but fuck him) #but hey at least it's fun #zutara month #zutara month 2018 #zutara month 2018: day 18 #zutara #zuko #katara #zhao #lu ten cameo #chan cameo #lol i just had to throw them in there #tw violence #tw blood #my zutara stuff

[emeraldnebula]

Thoughts on the comic book industry, Part 6

I've been touching on this on and off during this prolonged rant about the state of the comic book industry, but there's no way to continue this rant without going into detail on this point. It's at least half the reason the industry is in such ruin, and it's a big reason why the major publishers are so unwilling to get with the times and get their acts together.

Over the past 3 decades, the major publishers have cultivated a core audience of regressive, close-minded, selfish fanbrats who (a) are in lockstep with the tastes and preferences of the Big 2, (b) are resistant to any kind of beneficial change, and (c) are ready and willing to excommunicate anyone who, shall we say, "isn't of the body." Essentially, what little remains of the readership is a twisted hybrid of Landru from Star Trek and the Buddy Bears from Garfield. (Although I suppose another Star Trek villain, Gorgan, applies as well – "Our purity of purpose cannot be contaminated by those who disagree.") All the awful stereotypes associated with geek culture? These are the people on whom those stereotypes are based.

If you think the Big 2 don't give a shit about the integrity of their characters, or about the quality of the stories, or about the legacies they're supposed to be caretaking...well, neither does their core audience of choice. The tiny minority they cater to may make a lot of noise about preserving the "history" of the characters, but they define that history purely by their pet incarnations and dismiss everything outside of that. For DC, the "history" its target audience wants preserved is the 1986-2011 period (or, for what's left of the Superman fandom, 1986-1999 only), with a burning, outspoken contempt of anything that doesn't bear at least a surface similiarity to it. Hence "Rebirth," despite being a creative and sales failure, being praised to the skies on social media. For Marvel, what's left of its audience doesn't give a damn about the company's history at all; they just accept whatever's thrown their way. There's a reason why the term "Marvel Zombies" existed long before the comic of the same name. That same willful ignorance and disregard of the history and legacy of the Big 2 even extends to the creators they choose to lionize or condemn. If it's a creative team or a specific era the fandom has decreed holy writ, they can get away with anything they want and the worst aspects of that era will be whitewashed or made excuses for. But if its creative teams or eras the fandom doesn't approve of? Everything about it, no matter how innocuous or even based in the franchise's existing history, will be excoriated as an abomination. Everything the remaining fandom upholds or tears down has nothing to do with the actual history of the industry and everything to do with their personal tastes.

(By the by, this also extends to comic book adaptations as well. Whoever the fandom chooses to rally behind can do no wrong regardless of how destructive and ruinous their ideas are, while filmmakers the fandom chooses to hate can't win no matter how respectful they try to be.)

It also doesn't help that the target readership of the major publishers also shares the same nihilistic, meanspirited attitude so prevalent in most comic book stories now. It's not uncommon for the remaining fandom to justify malicious event-gimmicks with comments like "Why should the heroes' lives be nothing but rainbows all the time?" (This was an actual defense for Cry for Justice/Rise of Arsenal, I kid you not.) Characters behaving horribly, like Lois Lane being emotionally abusive or Batman being willing to betray and assault the people closest to him (his physical attacking of Alfred in All-Star Batman in particular) gets praised as being "badass," "cool," "strong and empowering," etc. Hell, even Spider-Man openly admitting that he was making his deal with Mephisto for purely selfish reasons – that he didn't want to honor Aunt May's wishes to die peacefully because he didn't want to feel guilty about his mistakes leading to her death – was praised as heroic and noble even though he explicitly stated his intentions on-panel. And look at the SJW characters Marvel's been pushing for years. Many of them are hostile and unlikable people, and yet the readership will defend them by accusing naysayers of sexism, racism, and any other politically-charged insult they can think of. In a lot of ways, what passes for comics from the Big 2 these days is, in essence, glorified Mary Sue fiction, with the creators and the remaining fandom glorifying themselves and their pet choices.

And as a result of this, many characters who were once noble and honorable are turned into absolute jerks, characters who once had depths and layers are reduced to one-dimensional cutouts with no real personality or soul, and characters with a history of being unlikable get exalted and showcased at the expense of all else. And what's left of the fandom wants it this way, because it feeds their own sense of superiority and allows them to project themselves onto the characters. If you dare to point out that certain characters have been stripped of their humanity and nobility and are just one-note, shallow husks, the remaining fandom will assert that such characters are "cool" and "deep," and that you're just an idiot or a fan of another character who doesn't know any better. If you point out that certain female characters are consistently portrayed as selfish, entitled, and cruel for no good reason, you'll be accused of misogyny and "not being able to handle strong women." And so on. To point out flaws and failings in the fandom's golden calves of choice is tantamount to personally insulting the fandom itself. Which is the same mindset DC and Marvel have when faced with criticism.

There's also an insane, utterly baffling refusal to even consider even moderate, reasonable updates and/or changes to certain properties, whether it's long-overdue costume upgrades, shedding outdated tropes or settings, or even replacing old creative teams who've overstayed their welcome with fresh blood. Over and over again, you'll hear "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" as a catch-all excuse to never change anything at all, no matter how necessary those changes are or if the old creative teams are completely out of anything resembling fresh ideas. In some cases, the industry's target audience will point to said old creators' past successes (if any) as an excuse to never replace them with new talent. And if the fandom decides they won't accept any new talent, there's no excuse they won't use to dismiss or demonize said new talent. Back in the early 2000s, for example, Ed McGuinness, Doug Mahnke, Mike Wieringo, and other creators working at DC were repeatedly bashed for being "too manga" for the fans' liking. Never mind that Mahnke's work doesn't look anything like manga, never mind that Wieringo had previously worked at DC during the '90s on high-profile books, and never mind that McGuinness owed his style more to American animation. They were replacing old, worn-out talent that the fandom didn't want to let go of, therefore "too manga" was seen as a valid excuse to hate their work. Even artists like the late Darwyn Cooke and Eric Powell have been bashed for being "too cartoony" or "too childish," despite it being well-known that cartoony art styles are much harder to pull off because you can't hide behind a lot of detail.

The refusal to accept anything but old, stale creators on the same properties ad nauseum often extends to a refusal to even consider artists drawing anything but the same damn thing over and over again. With Superman, you still have, decades after the fact, people wanting nothing but Curt Swan or Curt Swan imitators drawing the books, never mind that the franchise visually stagnated during the Bronze Age as a result. With creators like Darryl Banks, Scott McDaniel, Mark Bagley, and – before his career-ending stroke – Norm Breyfogle, fans don't want them drawing anything but their "signature" characters, and are actively hostile to even the suggestion that those artists could or should draw anything else. Speaking from personal experience, I've found that 90% of the time artists love drawing something other than their usual fare. But talk about this with the comic book fandom that exists now, and they treat it as an insult to the artists and an unnecessary risk because "you're making them draw things they have no affinity for." The idea of comic book artists being versatile and able to draw any kind of subject matter doesn't even occur to them at all, and they treat it as an affront if you even suggest it. Again, all they want is stale, stagnant comfort food, even if it conflicts with what the artists themselves would want to do.

Then again, that same inability to look beyond their personal tastes is reflected in their willful ignorance of the history of comic books, and even of the nature of comic storytelling. Over and over again, you see the existing fandom claiming to love and protect the "history" of the Big 2, but that history begins and ends with their pet incarnations. How often have you seen DC's pre-1986 history trashed and mocked on both fan forums and comic-centric blogs? A lot. There's very little love, if any, for anything published before Crisis on Infinite Earths. And a lot of times, the fandom will parrot outright lies – be they fan-made or even pimped by the publishers themselves – as absolute historical fact despite what was actually published in the past. (Batman's pre-Frank Miller history and Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson's roles in Spider-Man immediately come to mind as examples of such.) Even worse, sometimes the fandom will pimp their pet creators as being more deserving of creator credit than the characters' actual creators, or even advocate abolishing creator credits altogether if they decide they don't like either the original creators or the creators' estates. As for the willful ignorance of how comic storytelling works, here's a very worrying example: Marvel artist Greg Land is notorious for copy-pasting his old work and tracing/swiping from other sources, including porn and other artists' work. This habit has cost him friends and creative partners over the years. And yet, when his fans came to his defense, not only were his habits excused and defended, but some even made the assertion that Land isn't responsible for telling a story; he's just there to draw pretty pictures and that artists aren't there to tell stories in the first place.

This is a direct violation of what comics are: writing and art coming together to tell a story visually. In many cases, creators write and draw their own work. Visual storytelling is what comics are all about. But because an artist the fandom decided to champion was outed as a hack, some of his defenders decided that the rules of comic storytelling didn't exist, much less apply to said artist.

This should worry anyone who actually does love comics as a medium, because this is the audience the industry has been cultivating over the last 26-32 years. A tiny, whiny minority readership that doesn't have any real love or knowledge of the medium or the characters therein, that only wants the same tired old shit no matter how stale or outdated it is, that mimics the tastes and attitudes of the creators responsible, and is insanely devoted to either no change whatsoever regardless of merit or to extreme and destructive changes by their pet creators. I mean, really, is there any difference between legendary social media bully Michael "ManoftheAtom" Sacal screaming and yelling at anyone who doesn't share his "Iron Age only or else" mentality and creators like Mark Waid and Joe Quesada insulting and bullying anyone who doesn't share their distorted, selfish personal interpretations of their pet eras? Is there any real difference between fans incapable of accepting even minor and harmless updates and creators like Mike Manley going "Fuck your [insert character]!" on Facebook in regards to anything but his pet interpretations of said characters? (Ironically, Manley famously called fans unwilling to accept anything but Frank Miller's Batman "babymen." Apparently he's not capable of heeding his own advice.) Is there any real difference between fans who don't even understand how comic storytelling works at all and editors like Tom Brevoort who defend hack artists by pointing to sales (such as they are) and if their tracing and swiping "looks good"? Is there any difference at all between fans who spout bad SJW/far-left jargon and comic book pros who do likewise? And is there any difference between fanbrats who spew bile toward cosplayers and comic book pros who do the same damn thing? The answer is no. What remains of the comic book fandom is nothing but an echo chamber for the industry and its sycophants. No room for anything other than the chosen dogma, no room for anything resembling growth, change, evolution, or even just new ideas in general.

Making matters worse is that like any echo chamber, there's a huge amount of infighting when it comes to how pure of a fan you are and how devoted you are to the chosen dogma. Let's be honest; comic book fans don't just hate anyone not already in the clique, but they can't even play nice with each other. Male fans will tear each other apart for even slight differences of opinion, and female fans will tear each other apart for the same reason or even for daring to depart from the far-left/feminist/SJW bent of websites like Girl Wonder.org, The Mary Sue, and the Dreamwidth version of Scans Daily. (By contrast, the original Livejournal version of Scans Daily was a far more tolerant and welcoming community than what replaced it.) And when male and female fans collide for whatever reason...forget it. Their agendas are too polar opposite for them to ever have any common ground (the feminist/SJW fans crying sexism over anything that even slightly evokes female sexuality and hardcore male fans whining endlessly about anything that isn't fanservice sleaze). There's a reason why comic book fandom has a such a negative image attached to it. It's so insular, so arrogant, so unwilling to bend from its sense of self-entitlement that there isn't any place for new fans, or even older fans who are far more moderate and willing to accept change as necessary. Nobody's going to want to be part of an industry and/or fan community that tries to dictate what you can't or can't like, what you can or can't think, or how you can or can't treat anyone not already in the existing clique.

Don't ever expect these guys to show any self-awareness if or when it's pointed out that their attitudes are not only strangling the life out of comics, but also giving comic book fandom a deservedly terrible reputation. Any time this lunatic fringe gets called out on its bullshit, they repeatedly, without fail, justify their behavior by calling it "passion." They see themselves as the true believers, the chosen ones to whom the industry truly belongs and thus anything they say and do is A-OK. No, I'm sorry, but that's not how any of this works. Being utter jerks to anyone not already in their clique is not "passion." Being insanely hateful and willfully ignorant while congratulating each other for being "scholars and gentlemen" is not "passion." Demanding and encouraging creative and artistic stagnation is not "passion." Bullying each other over perceived fandom purity is not "passion." And when they make it clear over and over again that their regard for the medium begins and ends purely with their personal tastes, that's not "passion," either. It's just plain being a selfish ass. These people have just as much love for comics as the major publishers do...little to none. It's all about self-aggrandizement for them, and they're too wrapped up in themselves to realize it.

Which is going to bring us to the next issue that needs to be broached, an issue that could and likely will spell the death of the comic book industry as we know it.

[lewepstein]

The Banality of Evil

“Evil” is an interesting word and not one that we usually associate with modern times.  To me, it harks back to The Dark Ages in Europe when Christ allegedly battled Satan for men’s souls and sinners were  condemned to spend eternity in a fiery hell.   For a therapist like myself, the word “evil” is also an outlier, with much of the field  grounded in the social sciences and more recently the physiology of the nervous system and the brain.  Psychotherapy’s foundational principles and methods have mostly to do with the use of inquiry and understanding in the service of change and there are probably few therapists who subscribe to the more fatalistic belief that there is inherent darkness lurking in the human heart.  And yet, the existence of what has begun to feel like an impulse or instinct to do evil becomes harder to deny as privileged individuals who live in a post-Enlightenment world, and are the beneficiaries of affluence, science and an almost unlimited access to knowledge continue to act in ways that are cruel and inhumane.  

This post, “The Banality of Evil,” is taken from the subtitle of a work by political theorist Hannah Arendt.  The full title of her book is “Eichmann in Jerusalem: The Banality of Evil,”  published in 1963.   It was written during the trial of Adolph Eichmann, the Nazi war criminal and architect of what was called “The Final Solution,” - the extermination of over six million Jews in more than a thousand German concentration camps scattered throughout Europe between 1933 and 1945. ​​  What Arendt saw as “banal,” as she observed Eichmann during those hearings was how inarticulate, ordinary and even boring he was.  He would claim during the trial that he had no particular hatred for the Jewish people.  No malice at all.  He also stated that he bore no personal responsibility - just a man following orders and doing his job - a joiner all his life with a need to belong.  

My personal definition of evil includes a lot of what Hannah Arendt describes in her book.  It also relates to things that people may see as normal and reasonable -  the beliefs they hold, the leaders that they follow and the actions they take.  But when it comes to rooting out and understanding evil, there are two crucial questions that people need to ask themselves:  Are my actions doing harm to and disempowering others?  And, am I allowing others to disempower people with my knowledge of it?  Whether this kind of cruelty occurs in families in which one member imposes a brutal regime of control and terror on his partner or his children and sees it as justified and normal or, if it happens within a political system in which a leader and his followers dehumanize, abuse or willfully disempower another group of people - to me, the underlying ethos is the same.  

There are laws that Republican dominated legislatures in Texas, Georgia and 12 other states have recently passed or are currently enacting that are to me examples of the banality of evil.  On the surface, and to someone who knows little about the historical context, these laws may appear to be reasonable, common sense approaches to protecting the security and sanctity of elections in their states.  They have even been framed by Republican majority legislatures and their leaders as attempts to reassure citizens that voter fraud will not occur.  

What these laws are actually designed to do is suppress the votes of African Americans, Latinos and young people with laser-like precision.  The statutes disenfranchise these groups by restricting mail-in voting, purging voter rolls, diminishing the number of voting drop boxes in urban areas, and eliminating the amount of time and days that would allow members of these targeted groups to vote. Other parts of the hundreds of bills rushed through Republican majority legislatures are crafted to intimidate election workers by imposing tremendous penalties for any action that might violate these laws.  The laws also give partisan “poll watchers” the power to harass and further intimidate workers who are simply and honestly doing the job that they were hired to do.  These same state legislatures have further empowered themselves to challenge the results of elections and overturn them if they are unhappy with the results.

The Republican Party is doing what every kid who has played ball on a sandlot or in a schoolyard knows in his gut is wrong - changing the rules of the game to disempower the other team and give your own team an unfair advantage.  It violates the core values that we try to instill in our children around competition and fairness - but what is at stake for our society is much greater than which team wins a little league game.  It  has to do with the very survival of our democracy.  If winning at any cost becomes the way that we operate, and legislatures are willing to disempower another party or group of people and rig an election so that some people’s votes do not count - and they do this in order to maintain what they see as their own power, privileges and advantage - then we as a society have truly lost our soul.

What may be the most pernicious part of all of these Republican efforts is that in November’s presidential election there was no evidence of voter fraud or so little as to validate the integrity of the system as a whole.  This was upheld in court after court as Trump challenged the election results and appealed to Republican officials to “find him votes.”  He particularly cast doubt about the legitimacy of voting in cities with large Black populations in swing states - Atlanta, Philadelphia, Milwaukee and Detroit - a part of his divisive strategy and his underlying message that Black votes do not really count.  It was his “Stop The Steal” campaign and his big lie that the election was stolen that sowed doubt, fueled the January 6th attack on the Capital and  gave Republican dominated legislatures the cover to push through their raft of voter suppression laws - all in the name of stopping voter fraud that did not exist in the first place.

On the surface this may seem like partisan politics as usual - one group merely seeking a competitive advantage but isn’t that what can make evil so banal?  This underlying issue that cuts so much deeper is that there is a demographic trend in the United States predicting that it will no longer be a majority white nation by 2045. The core of Trump’s “Make America Great Again'' movement that challenged Obama’s citizenship, vilified Muslims, labels Mexicans as “rapists and murders,” and calls African nations ``shithole countries,” is a a white Chritian nationalist  “us versus them” strategy designed to delegitimize and disempower non-whites while it plays into the fears of many white Americans that they are losing “their country” to the feared others.

This is the playbook of every dictator and authoritarian regime:  appeal to a majority group and manufacture a threat about a disempowered and disadvantaged minority - for Hitler it was Jews, Gypsies, Socialists and trade unionists for Trump and the Republican party it has been Mexicans, Blacks, Muslims, LBGTQ’s and refugees.  Repeat the lie often enough and you can create a fascist movement.   Then, barrage a population with so many vile acts that they become inured to what is going on and  begin to accept the caging of refugee children and the separation of parent and child asylum seekers at our borders. Once the envelope has been pushed that far, internment camps for the despised others might not be such a stretch.

For Black people in the United States the intersection of being in physical danger and being emotionally harmed by a white supremist narrative is nothing new.   History has proven that increases in voting rights have always been followed by periods of backlash and disempowerment:  Slavery is followed by emancipation and what is called Reconstruction which included the 15th Ammendemnt - the right of Black men to vote in elections.  But Reconstruction was soon abandoned along with the enforcement of the right to vote for the former slaves. This period ushered in a reign of terror and lynching that included voter intimidation and poll taxes in the Jim Crow South.  The Civil Rights movement, along with the The Voting Rights Act of 1965 attempted to redress some of these injustices only to be gutted by the Supreme Court in 2013 and again in a decision in June of this year.  

Republican state legislatures are currently scrambling to make sure that once again there will be infringements on the rights of Black Americans to vote.  The third of America that fiercely supports these laws and  policies has been around for a long time -  they include those who would choose a George Wallace or an authoritarian Donald Trump over living in a multiracial democracy.  The policies pushed by these demagogues have been called the “politics of hate” but they always involve the willful denial of rights along with a moral injury -an  assault on a person or group’s dignity, worth and esteem.

In the big picture of Trump and the Trumpification of the Republican Party and its base, it is a story about normalizing what is criminal,  cruel and crass - the willingness to lie, cheat, steal and demean others in order to achieve one’s ends.  The underlying message to people is, “look what I can do - I can hold another nation hostage to my selfish needs.  I can demean a reporter with a disability.  I can have affairs and pay women off so they won’t talk.  I can assault women sexually and get away with it.  I can call a Black congresswoman ‘low I.Q.’  I can lie every day when it suits my interests. I can use the bible as a prop. I can even shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and pay no price for my crime.  I can say and do all that we know to be wrong and get away with it”   What Trump has done is to activate and validate the basest parts of us and has left Americans with the cynical message that we are all chumps if we do not follow in his path.  

Psychiatrists have analyzed Trump’s behaviors and labeled him a “pathological narcissist.”  Others have said that he lacks a moral center and have called him a  “sociopath.”  He has also been described as a shallow, incurious and selfish man.  I see him as an evil man, one who has unleashed the dark side of our humanity and tried to turn it into the new normal.  This is truly the banality of evil and Trump’s evil legacy and there will need to be a deep reckoning before we absolve our nation of these sins.