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ahundredtimesover · 2 months

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I Want You to Stay (09) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; use of the term slut in a derogatory way, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; eventual explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 18.4k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii thank you for being patient, and again for all your love and appreciation for this story. 🥰 Updates will continue to take longer as I return to uni. On another note, I hope you enjoy this!

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight 🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

Seeing you standing in his kitchen donned in that pastel-colored blouse makes Jungkook stop in his tracks; you’re exactly who he needs to wake him up.

It’s been weeks of vacation, which also means weeks without his usual routine. It’s striking how being absorbed in his work has altered him in that sense - he looks for the stress, for the long hours, for the isolation that’s demanded of his job. Perhaps there was just really nothing to look forward to, and work was an excuse for all those things because there wasn’t much else going for him. Ironic, considering everything he can do with what he has, yet nothing seems to be what he’s looking for, even if deep down, he knows what it is.

This is something that Hoseok and A-yeong made him realize during the trip as he watched them gush about the pretty streets and marvel at the fjords and immerse themselves in the view of the northern lights.

His cousin, the President of the company who makes decisive decisions and conducts press conferences and signs off on billion won projects, is the same man who squealed during a husky ride in Finland, laughed his butt off when he slipped on a glacier, and muttered words of love to his wife as they all watched the bright evening sky over the lake in Norway. There was so much passion in him, something A-yeong mirrored, whether it was about work or his relationships or just about everything in life. Hoseok looked forward to that trip, to that time with his wife, to that break, to seeing the scenery and feeling peace.

While Jungkook found himself constantly thinking about the Arts Center and upcoming projects and new design ideas… and the one person who connected him to all those - you. It felt like he was rushing towards something because the achievement was the goal, and while he stopped by the mountains and marveled at the water as he sat on the cliffs, his mind was racing, chasing something that he couldn’t even grasp.

That’s how the past six years have been. Perhaps more, he thinks. Maybe 20. He’s never allowed himself to just be. Quite frankly, he doesn’t know who he is outside of what he does; he doesn’t know much of how he is outside of being an executive and heir, and so during the moments when he isn’t functioning as such, he’s a bit lost, just existing in a place he’s visiting, not knowing how to interact, how to breathe; not knowing how to connect or to be free.

You’re the bright spot amidst it all. With you around, he still seems to be wandering while stuck in a certain spot, but he’s not alone because you’re there. With you around, there’s a sense of calmness somehow, with your smile and your presence warming the coldest parts of him that he’s left untouched and unfeeling for years.

So when he walks towards you, his eyes fully opening now to see you better, he hums in satisfaction.

“It’s nice to see you again,” he says, prompting you to turn around. “It feels like it’s been so long.”

“Really, Mr. Jeon? I thought the three weeks felt fast,” you giggle. “But it’s nice to see you, too. Were you able to rest out there?”

“Somehow,” he replies, taking the glass of water you give him.

“Is that why you passed on your morning workout to sleep in?” You raise an eyebrow, thinking that he’d slept in when you walked into his penthouse earlier without the usual sounds from the gym that you’d gotten used to.

“I was pretty jet lagged,” he groans. “Couldn’t sleep so I did it last night to tire myself out and then I finally fell asleep three hours ago. It’s a miracle I woke up after the tenth snooze of my alarm.”

“Ooh, that is not good, considering all the documents on your desks and messages on your inbox,” you shake your head. “What if I move the team meeting to tomorrow so you don’t push yourself too hard today? You could’ve taken the day off.”

“And have a worse day tomorrow? No thanks,” he chuckles. “I’m fine, but I agree with moving the meeting.”

“Just take it slow,” you advise. “I brought some pastries because I know your fridge and pantry are empty. I’ll get them ready shortly.”

“I’ll wash up then.”

You follow not long after, preparing his outfits for the second half of the week, then setting out the breakfast for both of you. He returns to the kitchen wearing the brown suit you chose for today, looking just as handsome as you remember. You fix his tie like you always do and meet his eyes like it’s reflex, the warmth bubbling within you when he returns your soft smile. You take your seat a chair away, taking your iPad after to start going through updates when he stops you.

“Not yet, please. My mind’s still half asleep.”

“Okay, sir,” you respond. “We can talk about your trip instead. How was it?”

Jungkook finds himself more engaged in telling you about it, not like how he was when his best friends met him for dinner last night and he was too tired to narrate how it went. But you ask with such excitement that he ends up sharing more than what he planned.

He talks about the Vikings museum and historical tours, the bike rides and coastal walks, the calm but lively cities and the breathtaking waterfalls. He even mentions the things he’d only kept to himself - like that one evening when the sky looked like one of Lee Jaemin’s paintings that had him staying at the balcony with a glass of wine while basking in its beauty, and when they were in Hans Christian Andersen’s hometown and he wondered what kind of fairytale character he would be, and that he learned he really enjoys hot springs during the winter. They’re random thoughts that he just ended up saying, somehow feeling natural and comfortable in sharing them with you.

You indulge him, asking more and sharing your thoughts, too. You even throw in the occasional teasing remark and playful laughter. You ask about the scenery, expressing your yearning for the outdoors that you said you never really appreciated before, as the open space always overwhelmed you.

He passes you his iPad where he’s opened the folder of the photos that he took with his camera, a gift from Taehyung who’d said that Jungkook needed to go out more and “feel the sun.” He rarely used it but a Northern Europe trip seemed like the perfect excuse. He’s used to assessing interiors and marveling at structures from afar, but this time he got to appreciate what lies beyond his walls, beyond the little world he’s been burrowing himself in.

“These are stunning, Jungkook,” you gush, dropping the formalities as he shares something that feels so personal. “I didn’t know you had the talent for photography, too.”

“I wouldn’t call it a talent,” he shakes his head. “I took it as an elective during university and it helps with design ideas. I should at least take nice photos if I need inspiration or a basis. I don’t really do it much, though.”

“Did it make you feel good, at least?” You ask, wondering what else gives him satisfaction.

“Somehow. It makes me feel good when I’m looking at the pictures. I’m transported to that day and that place again, like a holder of memories and desire for the good things.”

You go through the photos - dozens of them. He didn’t take too many, just one or two shots of every scenery. Beyond the majestic landscape, there are the everyday scenes - people talking at a cafe, strangers enjoying the park. There’s a couple holding hands, laughing at each other; from the silhouettes, you can tell they’re Hoseok and A-yeong, a moment that Jungkook probably thought too precious to not capture.

Something in you stirs, as the photos elicit a mix of awe and yearning. You look at Jungkook and you think it’s what he felt, too.

There’s a saying you heard about watching what people photograph to learn what they fear losing. With Jungkook, it seems as if these - freedom, tranquility, connection, intimacy - are things he wants; somehow they seem to be what he fears having.

“It’s nice to have a keeper of good memories, isn’t it? Of that reminder that beautiful things exist and that they’re tangible, you know?” You say, returning his gadget.

“It is,” he responds after a beat of silence, seemingly processing your words. “We forget sometimes. Or maybe, we just don’t know what that’s like. In that case it’s like an illusion. But it’s still good to have that, I guess. It’s still something.”

You don’t know what more could be said. It feels too personal or even intimate of a conversation to have with your boss on a Wednesday morning as you eat breakfast in his apartment. So you let it go, smiling as you say you’re glad he got to have some rest.

He says that so does he and then asks about how your holiday was as you both head to the car. You talk about it during the ride, how you spent a week in Wando with your mother’s partner’s family and then drove to Jeonju, how the entirety of your break had you stuffing your face with food and bonding with them, and how they drove you back to Seoul last weekend, thankful that for those two weeks, they had you around.

You don’t tell Jungkook that some days, you’d think of him, wondering how he’s doing. You don’t tell him that you’d seen A-yeong’s posts and that he looked at peace in them, that there was a softness in his eyes that you’ve rarely seen on him. You don’t tell him that despite the vacation that you said you were looking forward to, you were also looking forward to this - having him back, sharing stories, and living in the silence alongside him.

You wonder, as you glance at him looking out the window, if this is what you meant about savoring the moment, enjoying what’s in front of you, and feeling less alone. Because right now, those are exactly what you feel.

Jungkook wanted to wait to get to the office before proceeding to work matters, something that surprises you because he always gets down to business immediately, not unless he’s recovering from a hangover. But he blew you off even in the car, wanting instead to listen to your stories and then doodle on his leather notebook again for the rest of the ride. You end up meeting with him for an hour before he settles in, then he goes to lunch with his father, meets with your team, and then decides to visit the Arts Center mid-afternoon.

Work is back in full-swing just like that, and you pull the energy from within you to manage the crazy week. There are start-of-the-year events to attend and organize, a board report and meeting to prepare for, new projects to initiate, and a major one to monitor.

You’re glad that despite all that, Jungkook allows you to have a four-day off on the succeeding week so you can celebrate your birthday with a road trip down coastal towns with Jimin and Soomin. It’s a silly thing to do in the middle of winter, but they insist that warmth is most satisfying when it’s cold outside, and you don’t disagree. You’ll definitely be sighing in relief when you hold the steaming hot hotteok in between your hands, and it’ll be the best one you’ll have.

It’s Thursday and you’ll be back in a week. You’ve just finished briefing Do-hyun, who’ll be covering for you while you’re away, and you get off your chair to grab tea in the pantry. Jungkook’s voice stops as you, as he stands by his door and asks if you’re already leaving.

“In an hour, Mr. Jeon,” you reply. “Is there anything I can help you with until then?”

“No, nothing,” he says. “I’m actually about to leave for dinner with Taehyung and Seokjin.”

“Oh, alright, sir,” you hum. “Goodbye, then. And I’ll see you next week. Just know that you’re the only one who can disturb me.”

He laughs in response. “Come on, I won’t be badgering you, especially on your birthday. It’s your one week away from me. You have to savor it.”

“So should you,” you counter. “But okay. I will.”

“Good,” he nods. “I’ll just fix up and go ahead then.”

He returns to his room and you’re just the tiniest bit disappointed that he didn’t properly greet you but you suppose that’s good for you. So you go to the pantry and end up chit-chatting with the team, finding yourself smiling when you look up and see Jungkook by the door, who tells everyone not to stay too late before he heads out.

You arrive back at your desk, your heart beating fast at the sight of a small brown bag on your table.

For your trip. Something to help remind you that beautiful things exist and they’re tangible, the note reads. Happy birthday.

Your mind goes to a conversation you had not long ago, about how photos can elicit certain emotions and be a keeper of memories, especially of good ones. You know this is from Jungkook, and you also have an idea of what this might be, which is why you open the package right away.

Still, it catches you by surprise, especially when you find two disposable film cameras inside. They’ll definitely be enough for your upcoming trip and you know the photos will come out amazingly. You’re ecstatic.

Perhaps this is why he wanted to leave before you did - you’d thank him and he’d be terrible at accepting it again, then you’ll call him out for it. Maybe it was good he hadn’t stuck around to see you act this way. At least he didn’t see you with that silly smile on your face.

But Yoongi does as you head down the elevator, smirking at you when he sees the bag you’re holding and the familiar handwriting on the card.

“I’m guessing you’re not fighting it anymore, huh?” He says, teasing yet somehow still comforting.

“I’m trying not to, even if I know I’m being stupid,” you admit. “I can at least have these fleeting moments of joy after I walk away from this.”

“Retain the good memories. That’s one way to let things go,” Yoongi advises, as he exits the carriage on the parking lot floor.

The doors close on your smiling face, and he chuckles to himself at the irony of things. That’s how he learned to let you go, after all.

You return to work the following week with a spring in your step, with Jungkook noticing as you heat up the fried rice that you told him you’d be preparing for breakfast. You hum as you go about in the kitchen, feeling energized after the last few days you’ve had.

It was freezing, but you, Soomin, and Jimin went a little crazy and ran down the beach whenever you drove by one, something you all did as kids living in Busan. The drives from town to town were slow but they had you all singing to your favorite songs, munching on chestnuts and bungeoppang, and stopping over viewing sites for fresh air and photos.

You used Jungkook’s gift a lot, taking pictures of things that elicited strong emotions and good memories - purple and orange skies, snow melting on the pavement, the crashing ocean waves turning white at the tip, an empty playground in the park, Soomin’s infectious laughter, Jimin’s angelic smile.

The cold was an excuse to seek your best friends’ warmth and they took advantage of it. It reminded you of those few years growing up with them before you returned to Daegu for college, something you and Jimin reminisced about, and something that you thanked him for after what seemed like ages. You recalled how he approached you first as the new girl who entered school in the middle of the school year, how he followed you around because you were always alone and was scared of loud noises, and how he’s never left your side since then.

Every night during that trip, he hugged you as you tried to fall asleep, knowing you needed it for the cold you felt inside and out. He was next to you when you talked about Jungkook gifting you the cameras and admitted that it made you feel good, that it made you happy.

“I’m glad he’s showing you kindness,” Jimin had said. “But… just be careful, okay? Your heart is capable of a lot of good things. Pain is the last thing it deserves.”

“I don’t really know what my heart is capable of,” you replied. “My brain does the hurting but my heart… I don’t know what it does. I don’t know how it works.”

It left him speechless then and somehow, you were glad that he just held you tighter, only because it was the only way you wanted to be comforted at that moment. But you also knew that whatever your heart ended up doing or experiencing, Jimin and Soomin would be there to help you make sense of it, to pick up the pieces should they need to.

“It seems as though your birthday rejuvenated you, ___,” Jungkook disrupts your thoughts. “You look much lighter and relaxed.”

“Only because I haven’t checked my emails nor taken new instructions from you,” you laugh as you serve the fried rice in bowls then head towards him. You fix his suit again and speak casually like you’ve gotten used to. “Once I open that iPad and see what I have to deal with, relaxed would be the last thing I’ll be.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles. “Let me savor this then.”

His words catch you off guard and they prompt you to meet his eyes - soft yet piercing, then he turns shy and turns away from you. Perhaps he’s surprised at what he’d said, too.

“Work is stressful and your calmness rubs off on me most times,” he says nonchalantly. “We’ve got a busy few days ahead and I want that calmness to linger.”

“It will,” you assure him. “And yes, I feel rejuvenated, and that’ll probably last me for days so that will linger, even if I’m stressed, so don't worry. You’re gonna do well. I don’t doubt it one bit.”

Jungkook’s meeting the Culture Minister next week to present the Arts Center’s plans and activities leading to its opening to the public, which is why you think he needs that calmness as well. The team has been helping him with the preparations and while you felt bad that you didn’t get to contribute as much, he assured you that all the notes you left him have been instrumental.

But still, his words affect you. Is this calm and relaxed version of you all he wants to savor? Does it mean anything more?

The thoughts wander away as you have breakfast with him, and he asks if you wish to talk about work later on but you insist that you’re mentally ready for it all. He’s the one who gives you updates this time, and just like that, you’re back to your usual routine.

You glance at his plate, all clean right after because even this dish, he savors. And you realize that doing things for him, no matter how simple, makes you happy, too, especially when his lips turn up in a small smile and he nods in satisfaction.

“Good, huh?” You wiggle your eyebrows.

“It’s infinitely better than mine,” he hums.

“So, it’s really, really, really good then?”

“You don’t even know how mine tastes like.”

“True. But Taehyung said once that yours was really delicious and I’ll take his word for it. Seokjin agreed and I believe them.”

“Wow, really? That’s a rare moment where they praise me,” Jungkook laughs.

“You should savor that, too.”

“I should. Heavens know the last time that happened. And when it’ll happen again.”

“That’s kind of hard though, isn’t it?” You say, being a bit reflective as you go back to your daily routine after a trip that you wholly enjoyed. “Savoring things… capturing them, appreciating them. Like, you have to be in the moment, you have to be present, and that’s not easy to do.”

“It isn’t,” he responds after a while. “You have to care enough for something to be worth savoring, I guess.”

“Exactly. But how do you do that when everything is temporary - things, feelings… people. Not all of them are meant to stay,” you reply, meeting his eyes as they seem to be in deep thought.

“Maybe they will… if you ask them to,” he softly says.

“That depends.”

“On what?” He asks.

“If they have a reason to,” you shrug.

Your faraway eyes tell him that you’re in deep thought, perhaps processing the exchange that even Jungkook can’t fully wrap his head around. But you turn to him not long after, smiling as you take the plates to clean up, as if you’d just snapped out of a trance, of a moment of honesty.

He watches you from his seat. There’s an aura about you that truly feels more relaxed, yet there seems to be an added layer of pensiveness, of deep thinking that could easily be mistaken for savoring the moment when you might be questioning it, perhaps wondering if it’s real… or worth caring about in the first place.

Even until now, he doesn’t know what it is about you that has him hanging on to every word you say, like it’s some secret message or code to learning who you are and what your fears and pains and hopes and dreams might be.

In the past months, his moments with you have allowed him a peek inside - there’s this yearning for something that you’re not ready for; there’s this knowledge of the fleeting nature of the world that you want to capture as memories because that’s the only way you can make them stay; there’s this desire for companionship that terrifies you more than anything.

But then again, as he sees that soft courage in your eyes, maybe he knows why - he has the same fears as you, and perhaps that’s terrifying, too, as he realizes that much of what he’s scared of is tangible.

He fears the emptiness left in your absence and the silence surrounding him when you’re gone. His trip over the holidays made him think so; this past week when you were away solidified it. There’s a lot of you to miss. He’s unsure how to deal with these thoughts and feelings; he doesn’t know how to move forward and be professional when you affect him this way. All he can hope for is that you’ll always find a reason to stay close to him, that you’ll always find a reason to want him around, and that every moment you share is something worth it enough for you to savor but that you both never have to let go.

You think about the conversation with Jungkook later that night on your way home. There’s something about the impermanence of the world that’s always scared you; things break and wither away all the time and you fear the loss in their absence. Perhaps it’s because you’ve experienced various types of losses throughout your years of living.

You lost that childhood innocence the first time you saw your mother cry, then when her smile that finally returned was wiped off, and then when her hopeful eyes became filled with tears out of fear. You lost that comfort of a routine when you left Seoul at 10 years old, and then that stability when you said goodbye to your life in Busan. You lost that security when you decided to come back here with a dream tucked away, burdened with a debt and a past that you couldn’t escape. You lost that feeling of freedom when your favorite library closed, and then of safety during that night at the restaurant when you were hurt and exposed.

It’s hard to savor things when you know you’ll lose them one day. But that’s also precisely why you should, as what these past months have been showing you, you think now. The absence reminds you that something good was in its place, and that at one point in time, it made you hope that you deserved it, that you were worthy of having it.

But as you lay in bed that night and think of how much of Jungkook you thought about while you were away, you start to think that maybe things aren’t as temporary as you once believed. He was in the icy streets that you walked on and the warmth of the hot chocolate drink you had. He was in the drizzle on the playground that you wiped off and the touch of the leather notebook you saw at one of the shops.

And perhaps that was the difference - you didn’t just stand by; somehow it felt like you connected with them - they were tangible, within your grasp, and that made them linger, that made them feel real. In your mind, that’s where they stayed.

The tail-end of winter marks the time when you’ve settled in the new year. All your backlog from the holidays and your short birthday break have been worked on. Operational plans and goals for the year have been finalized. The Board report and meeting are over and major events have been scheduled. Things are picking up now as the Arts Center is near its completion, with the consequent promotions and marketing on full speed. That last bit has been contracted to a subsidiary company but Jungkook is still on top of most things, which means that so are you.

You accompany him to meetings with different departments regularly, and that’s on top of monitoring the other small projects that the VP office is working on, which is also on top of supporting Jungkook’s executive functions. In a blink of an eye, you’re back to the hustle and bustle nature of your job, and you’re reminded of why it’s been so hard to get out of it, and also why you can’t wait to do so.

There’s just so much going on all at once, and given how you are, you give all of yourself to it because it’s the only way to get things done; it’s the only way to get through it without feeling like you’re taking for granted all that you’ve been given and achieved. But it also means you’ve lost the sense of meaning of most other things, and you wanna be able to do something that means something to you, something of good memories, of beautiful things that are tangible that you can touch and feel.

You let go of the thoughts when Do-hyun and Yohan pop in your area to say goodbye. It’s another long night for everyone and you’re glad that they finally listened to you and decided to go home. You say that you still have a couple of things to work on when they insist that they walk you to the bus stop, telling them once more that you’ll be fine.

“It’s forecasted to rain soon,” Do-hyun informs you.

“I’ll get a cab, don’t worry,” you assure them. “Finance needs these files first thing tomorrow morning and we’ve got that ocular at 8. Thank you though.”

“Fine, but let us know when you’re home, okay?” She says.

“I will. Get home safely, you two.”

You get back to work, and with the peace and quiet in the office with you being the last one here, you manage to finish what you need to in an hour and then finally call it a night. You head out and sigh to yourself once you see the lightning strike, knowing that it wouldn’t be long before the rain will begin to pour. You manage to bring out your umbrella by the time it does, then turn at the corner to look for a cab so you can avoid those who’ll be hailing from the main road.

There are a few people who have the same idea as you, and it’s after some time before you spot one, with the driver slowing down once he sees you. But right as you start speed walking towards it, some man decides to get ahead, running past you and bumping you in the process, causing you to lose your balance. The wet pavement doesn’t help, as you slip on your foot and fall to the ground. You try to get up but jerk in pain when you do, realizing that you’d hurt your ankle, a foreign feeling that has you immediately worrying.

After all the times you’d found yourself under the rain, this is the worst moment of all - you’re hurting, all alone, and completely worn out. You’ve had a really long day and you don’t have the energy for this; all you want is to go home and have some rest. But you know there’s no other way, so you shift on your bum, manage to get up and strain your arms in the process, then you limp to the nearest post you can find using your umbrella as a walking stick then stand on one foot.

The rain has weakened a little, so you’re at least not getting even more wet, but it’s still winter and you’ve started to freeze. There are no other cabs in sight and all ride-hailing apps have been such a pain to book. Knowing that it’ll be tough to get home in any way at this stage and that you won’t be able to manage on your own, you decide to call Mr. Ri. He’s always told you that if you need help for anything, he’s another person that you could call.

It’s half past 8 in the evening. You’re banking on him being on the way home after having dropped Jungkook off at his building after a dinner meeting at 5:30.

“Hey, ___. Is everything alright?” Mr. Ri asks, knowing you rarely call at this hour.

“Not really,” you sigh, the shiver in your voice evident. “Have you dropped Jungkook off?”

“Not yet. But what do you mean, not really? What happened?”

“Are you driving?”

“No. I’m still waiting for him to finish. Tell me, are you in danger?” He presses, and you hear the worry in his voice.

You told him about Chi-won some weeks after it happened, and Mr. Ri, having known you for many years, knows you’re not one to usually reach out. He’s made it a point to check on you regularly, and calls like this would definitely ring some alarm bells.

“I’m not in danger but I hurt myself,” you say, quickly appeasing him that it’s probably just a sprained ankle and not that serious. “I just can’t get any ride and I can barely walk. I was hoping you were on the way home.”

“I’m not but I’ll go get you, okay? I’ll tell Jungkook and we’ll drive to you right away.”

“Mr. Ri, he’s in a meeting!”

“That’s most likely over and now they’re just chatting over drinks,” he reasons. “I’ll get him. You know he’ll want me to.”

“You don’t know that,” you stammer.

“You weren’t there with him the days after what happened that night at the restaurant, ___,” he huffs. “I just knew it was really bad because of how worried he was, and he’s never been that way. So yes, I know he’ll want me to get his ass out of there and be on the way to you. Plus, I’m sure he’ll fire me if I don’t.”

“Fine,” you concede. “Just don’t make it sound so bad because it really isn’t.”

“You know I can’t control how that kid reacts,” he hums. “Just send me your location.”

Mr. Ri heads out of the driver’s lounge and rushes to the restaurant where he manages to send a message to Jungkook that you’re stranded somewhere with possibly a sprained ankle. He says it as it is, knowing that Jungkook won’t need much to decide on ending the meeting and go to you, which he does right away.

“What happened?” He asks the older man as they both walk towards the basement parking.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask any more questions,” Mr. Ri responds. “She’s somewhere near the office. We’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

“Try for 15,” Jungkook instructs.

He calls you right after and he immediately picks up on your chattering teeth.

“Hey, ___. How are you feeling?”

You’re a little surprised when Jungkook calls this soon, and with how you’re trying to move past whatever attraction you have towards the man, this really isn’t helping.

“Just… cold. My umbrella flew away,” you laugh. “The wind’s picked up and I think it’s gonna rain again.”

Just as you say so, it starts, and you pick up on the change in Jungkook’s voice. You’ve since learned that he’s not fond of it, always closing his eyes and trying to tune everything out with even just a drizzle. But he continues talking and asks what happened, trying to keep you company. You narrate the incident and attempt to play it off as something minor, although the longer you stay leaning against the post, the more pain you’re starting to feel.

“We’re five minutes away. We’ll be there soon,” he assures you then drops the call.

Jungkook clenches his fist and closes his eyes as the rain continues to pour. With the sound of the thunder, he jerks in his seat like he always does, but he pushes forward, knowing you need his help. He takes deep breaths just as he’s learned to do, and not long after, Mr. Ri informs him that he sees you just meters away.

The car slows down and Jungkook looks outside the window. He can see you leaning against a pole on one foot, drenched and shivering, your eyes closed as you wait for them to arrive. He meets Mr. Ri’s eyes in the rear view mirror as they halt, and with the rain just barely stopping, the older man nods and exits the car.

Jungkook watches from inside as Mr. Ri runs to you. He sees the smile on your face despite the droplets on the window. The older man takes your bag then helps you walk, leading you to the car where Jungkook manages to push the door open.

You slowly enter with as much energy you can muster, wincing in pain when you have to adjust your foot inside. You sigh in relief as you feel the warmth and dryness of the car, prompting you to apologize for getting it all wet.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shakes his head. “We’ll take you to the hospital, okay? And I won’t accept no for an answer.”

You nod in agreement, knowing that much as you’re causing him inconvenience right now, you’re too tired to argue. You lean your head by the window and try to catch your breath.

“Have you had dinner? He asks.

“Not yet. I was supposed to grab it on the way home.”

“We’ll pass by somewhere after the hospital.”

“Okay,” you look at him and smile.

Jungkook isn’t surprised when you don’t counter him. Perhaps it’s the exhaustion, as he sees it in how your smile isn’t as bright as what he’s used to, with it fading as you turn away. You’re still shivering though, despite the car heater being turned up. He doesn’t have a towel to dry you up, though, so he instead removes his coat and instructs you to lean forward so he can place it over your shoulders to warm your back. He takes his puffer jacket from the front seat and puts it over your lap right after, giving you warmth there, too.

“Is that better?” He asks.

“Yeah,” you mouth. “Thank you.”

His scent wafts through your senses, allowing you to breathe and feel all of him at once. It’s the closest thing to tangible comfort you’ve gotten from him, and you hate how good it feels.

You’re just about to fall asleep when the car comes to a stop. The rain has subsided and perhaps that’s why soon after, you hear Jungkook open his door and then your door, too. He removes his coat over your back, placing it back inside, then he holds onto your forearms to help you climb out. He takes his jacket and instructs you to wear it, giggling at how you’re being swallowed in it.

“I look ridiculous,” you pout as you sit on the wheelchair that he’s asked the nurse to get.

“Just a little,” he teases.

He walks next to you as you’re wheeled inside the hospital, staying close by when you explain to the ER doctor what happened. She assesses your foot and lower leg, diagnosing you with a sprained ankle like you expected, and proceeds to wrap it in elastic bandage.

She treats the minor scratches on your palms you got from the fall then writes you a prescription for painkillers. Jungkook takes it so he can buy them for you after, then he helps you settle the bill with your insurance.

You’re quite uncomfortable - you’re still a little wet and the bandage feels foreign around your foot. But you’re also feeling a bit shy, now that Jungkook is the one pushing the wheelchair towards the pharmacy nearby. He parks you at the side while he buys the medicine, and as you look on, you can’t help the relief mixed with giddiness that you feel despite the pain that’s close to overtaking you.

He stands by the counter with his white dress shirt slightly untucked and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hands are in his pockets while he waits for the pharmacist to return, and amidst everything that’s going on, you’re still able to admire how overwhelmingly handsome he looks, especially given what he’s doing right now for you. His side view is quite blinding, so you’re slightly embarrassed when he turns around and calls your name again after you missed it the first few times.

“Dazed and tired?” He asks as he walks back to you with a pack of medicines.

“Definitely,” you say, which isn’t a lie; it’s just not the whole truth. “I just want to eat and have a nice bath and then sleep.”

“And you’ll do all that soon,” he assures you. “We’ll pass by whatever’s open on the way to your place. Just make sure you don’t have the hot water on, okay? And then elevate your foot when you sleep.”

“Yes, I heard everything she said,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“Including the full-on rest that’s required of you for the next few days?” He raises an eyebrow. “Because that’s what you’re gonna have. You’re on leave until you’re able to walk properly again, Ms. Cho.”

“So now you’re being formal,” you tease, flashing him a playful smile. “But yes, Mr. Jeon. The instructions are understood.”

“Good,” he laughs softly. “Glad you’re not being stubborn about it.”

“Oh, not with this one, not when I’m this tired and in this much pain.”

His look turns sullen at the admission of what you’re feeling and you wish he didn’t feel this bad. But you can’t deny the way it’s giving you butterflies, prompting you to scold yourself internally because learning how caring he is isn’t exactly what you need to get over a crush. This is definitely the worst part about being injured, you decide.

You make it out of the hospital and he helps you again as you enter the car, sliding in next to you as he ensures that you’re warm.

You pass by a noodle house on the way, and he buys you some more food for the next day despite your insistence that he didn’t have to. But you’re too tired to argue some more, and you doze off a little during the drive to your apartment, with your half-awake self mumbling your apology about taking up his time.

Jungkook playfully shakes his head. Knowing you’re probably shallow sleep-talking, he disregards your words. He just gets glimpses of you, comforted to know that you’re at least getting the most rest you can have, given your current state. The painkillers will kick in soon and that’ll help you sleep better, but right now, he wishes he could do more for you.

In the deepest crevices of his heart, he wants to hold your still shivering hands and maybe hug your trembling body. He wants to stay with you until you’re warm and comfortable in your bed, perhaps assure you in whatever way that you’re not alone, that there’s help whenever you need it. He can’t imagine how it would’ve been like for you being under the rain, cold and hurt with no one around.

On second thought, he can, and that’s the thing about it. Even if you get out of it with just a sprained ankle - considering how much worse it could’ve been - it’s still terrifying being alone and powerless, paralyzed on the spot and not knowing if anyone will show up. He wants nothing more than for you to get over that and be able to move past it because he knows how haunting it could be; he knows how restraining such memories are.

But he also knows that there’s not much he could do - not with the unnamed feelings he can’t express, and not with the line he still believes he shouldn’t cross.

So he settles for glances and soft smiles at your fluttering eyes and slightly parted mouth. You look tired but peaceful; he thinks it’s quite endearing. It also feels intrusive so he looks away, out into the streets that he’s able to somehow see now. He thinks about the timing of it all - your late night and his dinner out, your injury and the bad weather. He’s thankful that the rain subsided and that allowed him to help you as much as he was able to, and that he got to you in the first place.

You arrive at your apartment with you now fully awake, and Jungkook heads to your side right away. Pulling you out of the car requires more strength from him, and despite your terrible condition, the butterflies appear once more when he instructs you to hold onto him for support. You have to act unaffected when you feel his broad shoulders and taut arms, with your hands gingerly laying on them; you wonder if he feels anything, too, under the thin material of his dress shirt.

His left hand only grazes your waist but his hold tightens after you grant him permission, perhaps knowing that it would be harder for you if he holds you that loose, he asked you to put your weight on him after all. Despite your agreement, you still hold in your breath, a silly attempt at slowing down your quickening heartbeat. He’s never been this close, and you’re unsure if you want him to be anywhere else.

You suspend your thoughts for the shortest of seconds until you both manage to get up the few steps to your door. Mr. Ri helps in unlocking it, and you settle on the dining chair that Jungkook pulls out for you after you both enter.

As you release a breath and watch him look around, it’s then you realize that your boss - the Jeon Corporation Vice President who lives in a penthouse in an exclusive district in Seoul - is in your tiny studio apartment that’s literally just the size of his bedroom. You’re not ashamed one bit but you are a little shy, so you jokingly welcome him to your “little mansion.”

“It’s nice,” he hums, looking around some more, which he doesn’t need to move to do.

The small round dining table, the off-the-wall kitchen, and the three-seater couch are all in the open living space. There’s a half-wall that separates your sleeping area, with your double bed against it and the tiniest of balconies just off of it.

You’re quite proud of what you’ve made of the place, with the plants in the corners, some chic art pieces on the walls, and photos with your friends and family on stick-on frames resting on the shelves. It’s cozy and comfortable for you, and you feel quite proud when Jungkook’s lips turn up when you respond that you’re happy here when he asks.

“It’s everything I need,” you hum. “And it’s in a safe part of town. My neighbors are older couples who are all kind.”

“That’s good,” he says, turning to you. “Will they be much help to you while you recover?”

“I’ll be okay,” you insist. “I have a crutch. I’ve got food to heat up, and my place is so small that I don’t have to move around to get things done. I don’t really need help, you know?”

He scrunches his eyebrows, seemingly unconvinced.

“Watch,” you say, your shallow confidence pushing you to grab the crutch next to you then using it to walk towards him so you could prove that you’re capable enough to look after yourself.

But your unfamiliarity with it leads you to mistime your step. Before you know it, you’re tripping on your foot and losing your balance, and as your life is about to flash before your eyes thinking that you’re gonna fall once again and make your injury worse, Jungkook’s reflex kicks in and he steps forward to catch you. You feel his grip on your waist gradually tighten as if to keep you steady, as if to make sure you’re alright. He’s so close, you can feel his breath as he pants, the worried look on his face something you’re familiar with by now. But he stays there, inches away, and so do you.

He’s bending, so he stays leveled with you. You can see his long eyelashes resting on his honeyed skin and the endearing curve of his nose. He looks so soft like this, comfortable even, with his big round eyes looking like the most innocent ones you’ve ever seen.

The voice in your head suddenly becomes loud enough and you break his gaze, realizing then that you’re also clutching onto his shoulder for support. You give him a look of apology but he just laughs, something you’re thankful for because the last thing you want is for the tension to thicken.

“You’re stubborn, aren’t you? You think it’s that easy?” He shakes his head, his tone sounding like he’s both teasing and reprimanding you.

“It seemed like it,” you shrug, allowing him to help you back on the seat, disregarding the slightest bit of giddiness you feel as he has one hand on your free arm while the other ghosts over your waist in case you fall again.

“It’s not. And I know this because I’ve used this before,” he says. “So since you’ll be by yourself, we have to make sure you can at least use the crutch without falling, okay?”

“Fine,” you concede, listening to his instructions carefully then trying to do it on your own.

It takes some getting used to, but after a few tries, you manage to at least walk without tripping. You plan on just staying in bed or on the couch tomorrow anyway so you’re not that worried. Even if Jungkook still seems to be.

“I’m okay,” you insist. “I’m gonna survive. But you should head home. It’s getting late and you have that ocular in the morning. I’ll just have to email Chin-sun about accompanying you and—”

“None of that,” he interjects. “I’ll be the one to tell her and I don’t want you worrying about work tomorrow, okay? You’re gonna take your medicine and just rest.”

“You’re demanding, aren’t you?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Only when I’m dealing with someone as stubborn as you,” he counters.

You just laugh at him answering back, enjoying your banter more than you should, then he says that he’ll go ahead, for as long as you’re sure you can manage. It takes another five minutes until he makes it out the door. But before he disappears, you call his name, your heart skipping a beat when he turns around, as if he’s just hanging onto your every word.

“Thank you,” you say. “I know it was a long day and it was raining but… you still came for me.”

“Just recover quickly, okay? I’ll check on you in the morning.”

You nod and he leaves. And just like that, you’re once again on your own - damp, injured, and extremely tired. Jungkook’s presence remains in your apartment though, and there he is again, making you smile and making you feel things you shouldn’t.

You don’t mind being alone. In fact, you enjoy it. But during the times when you don’t want to be, he just happens to be there. And being the stubborn woman that you are, deep down, you like it that he is, that in your own little world with the walls up so high, he’s become a frequent visitor. You’re just not sure if you want him to stay just yet.

You wake up the next morning feeling faint and sore, and it’s probably the painkillers having lost their effect. And there’s a reason why, seeing that it’s close to midday when you finally get out of bed. You manage to stand and walk to the kitchen with no issues, and you take your medication and heat up the food that Jungkook bought for you last night. It’s when you’re seated that he calls, bringing that smile to your otherwise uneventful day.

“Hello?”

“Hey, ___. How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Just fine. I took my medicines for the day and I’m about to eat lunch,” you reply. “And you? How was the ocular?”

“It was good. It has a lot of potential so I’ll run down the details with the teams and propose it. But speaking of sites, remember what I said about Hoseok and I thinking of a Scandinavian-inspired mid-rise in the mountains?”

“Yeah, the one you came up with during your trip. Are you gonna push through with it soon?”

“Perhaps. I’ve gotten emails of proposed sites for some other projects but I’ve seen a few that could work with this idea,” he shares. “There’s one in Gangwon that’s near the town center so it would be practical for many. There’s even— ah, why am I saying this to you now? You’re off the clock.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him. Jungkook doesn’t always show this much excitement with the projects he has to manage so when he does, you encourage him. It’s also an excuse to hear more of his voice. “My mind’s not prepared for being home today anyway so I’m a little disoriented. But that’s good. I can look into the sites and we can do an ocular whenever you prefer.”

“Alright, that’s something to schedule for next month. But uh, you sure you’re fine? Does your ankle still hurt? Did you get proper sleep?”

“Well, I slept like a baby,” you giggle. “And I at least remained in one position. It still hurts a bit but it should be okay in the next few days. I’m just gonna have to replace the bandage tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Just make sure to ice it and keep it elevated.”

“Yes, boss,” you tease, earning you a groan. “But uh, thank you for checking up on me. I know you’ve got a busy day ahead.”

He’s silent, and you suppose it’s him again not knowing how to respond to gratitude, so you follow it up by saying that you’ll eat your meal now and reminding him of his meeting at 2PM.

“You better not be checking your emails and my calendar right now,” he warns.

“I’m not. I just memorize your schedule,” you defend.

“Okay then, I’ll go ahead.”

Jungkook drops the call and sinking in his seat, he sighs in relief. He managed to get through that conversation without sounding extremely worried, which is what he’s been since last night. His busy day today actually includes constantly worrying about how you’re doing, but he supposes it’s too much to let you know. Sure it’s just a sprained ankle, but knowing how you tend to move about, anything can happen. You were all alone for some time last night, too, just waiting for a way to get home. And that’s another thing he worries about - that fear latching onto you, that helplessness weighing you down.

He asks Mr. Ri if he’s heard from you, thinking that you’d probably be more honest with him, but the older man says you told him the same thing.

“Don’t you believe her?” Mr. Ri wonders.

“I do, but she’s quite stubborn though,” Jungkook laments.

“Well, I’ve known her for a while and she tends to just deal with things on her own,” Mr. Ri says.

“But she shouldn’t. She’s injured.”

“I think it’s natural for people who’ve been alone for many years to be that way,” the older man shrugs. “I mean, you’re the same.”

Jungkook doesn’t disagree. And if you’re truly anything like him, then you’d just push through the pain and force it to stop hurting so you can go back to your normal busy life because doing so keeps you from thinking of how lonely it feels when you’re sick or hurt and there’s no one around. It’s how he’s always been, too, he admits to himself.

The thought disturbs him, which is why he messages you three more times during the day and then again the next morning, asking if he could drop by. He’s expecting you to insist that you’re fine and he doesn’t need to, so it surprises him when you say that he could.

You’re pacing back and forth in your mind since you’re unable to physically do so, but the thought of Jungkook visiting you this Saturday morning is a lot for you to handle, even if you did say it was alright for him to come. The truth is, you wanted him to, only because selfishly, seeing someone be that worried about you gives you some form of comfort.

You called your family yesterday and told them about the injury, which they obviously panicked about. Your mom asked if you needed her to come to you but like always, you said she didn’t need to. You told Yoongi about it, too, and he was worried as well, in the classic way that he often is; he had food delivered to you for dinner last night so you didn’t have to think about it. You only told your best friends about it this morning and they were furious you waited so long to let them know; they were packing their stuff right as you were speaking to them two hours ago.

You know you have people to depend on and would be at your doorstep anytime you ask. These are the same people who’ve done that for years and you fully accept their care and attention; it’s become a part of you and your healing process. But when someone like Jungkook who, for whatever reason he has, shows you the same, it feels different; he goes out of his way to show it to you, and he’s not even someone who normally does it. It’s a new kind of comfort, one that you find yourself seeking. So when he called earlier and asked if he could drop by, there was an internal sigh of relief.

Over half an hour later, your doorbell rings, and you limp your way towards the door to open it.

Other than being in suits, you’ve only ever seen Jungkook in his gym clothes - half naked as well - and in night out wear. You realize that this is the first time you’re seeing him in a casual outfit, and with a jacket over a sweatshirt and a brown beanie, he looks different - there’s that boyish charm that you’ve never seen; he looks softer, kinder, still reserved but a lot more comfortable.

You let him in after your greetings, then you turn to him and smile.

“It’s really the suit, I know it now,” you tease. “It’s what makes you look intimidating.”

He looks at his attire then frowns at you. “So how do I look now?”

“Not intimidating.”

“Wow, what a surprise,” he playfully rolls his eyes. “Whereas you…” He eyes you in gray leggings and a blush jumper, looking soft and comfortable and even more like the bright spot he’s realized you are, but he’d never tell you that. “You look injured.”

“Gee, what a surprise. I feel injured, too,” you laugh. “But uhm, it’s nice of you to visit my humble mansion once again.”

“I just wanted to make sure you’re doing better,” he hums. “And bring some more food so you don’t have to worry about it.”

You eye the beef brisket with rice and say that you know what you’ll be having for lunch. He responds that he might just go back to the restaurant and meet his best friends there, too. You return to your seat on the couch, realizing there’s not much room for him to sit on, but he gets to you first, standing in front of you and eyeing the elastic bandage on the table.

“Aren’t you due for a redress?” He asks.

“Yes but uh, I can’t actually reach my foot,” you say with an embarrassed smile. “I’m not really flexible so I’ll just wait until Soomin and Jimin arrive.”

“I can do it,” he offers, thinking that the bandage isn’t serving its purpose if it remains loose. “I mean, I’ve dressed myself on my own before so I’m familiar with it.”

It’s probably the painkillers but something possesses you and you agree, your mind too out of it to take the words back. A part of you wishes you had, especially when your heart does a thing when he kneels on the floor and slowly takes your injured foot. You wiggle your toes in reflex, as if they’re shy, too, and Jungkook laughs at your silly antics, especially when you admit that you’re a little ticklish.

But he softly looks at you right after and asks if he’s hurting you, and you shake your head, unable to say anything else and process that you really allowed this man - your boss and in-denial crush - to do this.

You sit there, charmed by the way he looks determined to get this done. He removes the old bandage and wipes your ankle before wrapping it with a new one. His hands are large and quite rough but he’s very gentle, making sure to not lift your foot too high and that the bandage isn’t wrapped too tightly. Once he’s finished, he lays it on the table and looks up at you to ask if it feels okay.

“Yes,” you shyly smile. “Thank you. That was, uh, that was really nice of you.”

He nods and stands up to throw the trash in the bin, wanting to quickly hide his smile at how wholesome you looked in thanking him.

He proceeds to look around, taking more of your home in. There’s something very calming about it, and it’s more than just the plants that you have and the right amount of sunlight coming from the balcony door and kitchen window. There’s also something familiar, as he looks through your shelf of photos, seeing your mom and her partner for the first time. She looks a lot like you. She has a nice smile like yours, and she sees that same joy on her face as he’d seen on you, as she hugs you tightly in one of the pictures.

The familiarity is similar to when he first had a whiff of your scent - old rose like the one his mother used to wear, one he remembers as a child when he still clung to her. There are those memories that stick with him. Others he doesn’t have anymore but that’s good, he supposes. Seeing your shelf, he sees all the good and tangible things you hold dear.

“The photo on the far right, the one with Soomin and Jimin. We took that during my birthday trip using your gift,” you tell him. “It came out really nicely.”

“It did. Did you finish the film? What else did you take photos of?”

“We used it all up,” you smile. “And just a lot of the scenery and the three of us. We all divided them so we could have copies and just remember how fun that week was.”

“Good, that’s what I hoped.”

Jungkook stands there, his jacket now off so his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his hands are in his pockets as he looks through your shelf. You wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s seeing, if any of this makes him curious. It’s as if he’s taking in all the small parts of who you are that he can see displayed before him. He turns to you and your eyes meet again, and for a moment, it feels like you’re really seeing him and he’s really seeing you, like there’s something only both of you share and understand and want and can give.

But the doorbell ringing disrupts it, with you wondering who it could be since your best friends won’t arrive until an hour from now. Jungkook walks to the door and opens it, surprised to see Yoongi who’s just as surprised to see his friend in your apartment.

“Hey, you’re back. And… here,” you smile, attempting to stand up but Yoongi tells you to stay put.

“I flew home last night and thought I’d visit and get you some food, but it seems like I’m second in line,” he says, his smug face causing you to glare at him.

“I just wanted to make sure she was okay,” Jungkook defends. “I won’t stay long.”

“Of course you do. And I won’t stay long either. I don’t wanna disturb anything.”

He smirks at his friend, prompting Jungkook to glare at him as well.

“Yah, chill, you two. I’m really just passing by,” Yoongi reiterates, making his way now to sit on the arm of your sofa. “Just wanted to check on ___ and make sure she’s well-fed.”

“I’m injured, not starving, okay?” You groan. “But thanks. What have you got there?”

“Noodles, custard buns, and some tarts. Wasn’t sure what you’re into when you’re incapacitated,” Yoongi shrugs.

“I’m very much mobile,” you correct him. “Just… slow and limping.”

Jungkook pulls your dining chair and sits in front of you, and the three of you talk as if this isn’t weird at all. You’re all colleagues - you and Jungkook consider Yoongi as your friend, but you don’t know if you should consider your boss as such, and you don’t know if he considers you the same. You’ve definitely experienced a lot of things that could qualify what you have as friendship, but even then, there’s something more about it, something a little more intimate, different, terrifying.

You brave through this dynamic and learn that Yoongi likes to tell Jungkook off a lot. It’s the kind of bluntness you expect from Yoongi’s no-nonsense attitude but it’s refreshing to see him be more straightforward towards someone like Jungkook who you’re used to seeing as commanding and serious. Jungkook takes the hits, seemingly unbothered as they bicker, and it’s another side of him you enjoy seeing - the smiles and laughter are natural, and there’s this comfort about him that you suddenly want more of.

The time passes quickly, with the doorbell ringing again signaling that your friends have arrived. Yoongi gets up first to open the door, greeting them who do the same. You manage to stand up with Jungkook telling you to be careful, and when it dawns on them who else is in your apartment, Jimin’s face turns sour and Soomin’s goes from confused to amused.

Jungkook looks taken aback by the cold welcome, but he manages to introduce himself to them.

“Oh, we know,” Jimin says dryly. “You’re the one who gives her so much work that she had to do overtime again and that’s why she got hurt.”

You feel the tension come like a strong wave and you try to lower the level a little bit.

“He also brought me to the hospital and got me some food,” you tell Jimin, whose bitterness isn’t unfounded. He did listen to you complain about this very man all those months ago. “He’s just checking up on me, making sure I’m alright, the way you guys are.”

“As we should,” Jimin huffs. “At least we don’t cause you any injury or pain.”

“You don’t. But you do make things better so could you do that, please?” You say, opening your arms for a hug, something to appease him before it gets even more tense.

Jimin has the sweetest smile but wouldn’t be afraid to burn anyone down with his looks if they deserve it. Jungkook did at one point, but you obviously feel very differently about that now. But still, you glance at the man, hoping this encounter isn’t putting him off too much, and with the slight tinge of guilt in his eyes, you suppose it hasn’t.

Jungkook turns away, partly because a reminder of how he’d treated you before makes him regret even more how you both started, and partly because seeing you affectionate with any man - even if it’s your best friend - makes him a tiny bit jealous, only because it’s something he can’t be with you. Seeing you that way with Hajoon months ago was different; Jungkook had been more shocked than anything. But this time, given that his attraction towards you seems to grow every second, and that he’s been wanting nothing more than to comfort you, there’s more of that feeling of loss, of hope that it could be him one day, even if that’s something that’ll probably never happen.

“I know you dislike him but tone it down for now, okay?” You whisper to Jimin. “My place is too small to contain all this tension.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Seeing him just reminds me of what you had to go through because of him,” he says before pulling away. “But he did help. And well, Soo and I are still upset that you didn’t tell us sooner. You know we would’ve driven here on Thursday night.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why. You both had something big going on and I could wait,” you reply, a reason you give them everytime.

Wanting a short breather from all this, you excuse yourself and ask Soomin to help you with something in the bathroom, and she heads there right away.

“Can you make sure that those two don’t murder each other?” You whisper to Yoongi as you gesture towards Jimin and Jungkook.

“It would be entertaining if they did, but yes, I’ll try,” he chuckles.

You walk to where Soomin is and after closing the door, she looks at you with the same amusement that she’s had since she arrived.

“What in the romance drama is this!” She exclaims, lowering her voice when you scold at her to keep it down. “All your three men coming to your home to make sure you’re okay? Talk about making an impression.”

“They aren’t my men, okay!” You scowl at her. “They all just happened to have the same thought. And no, Jimin doesn’t count.”

“Whatever,” Soomin laughs. “It’s just… I know you’re hurt and that you’ll be okay but it’s just amusing to see them show up for you like this. Especially the big boss. He’s way hotter up close, I can tell you that.”

“Please don’t remind me,” you frown. “I wish there was a potion I could take to make him look unattractive to me so that I’d stop being so giddy at everything he does. And fuck, Soo, I haven’t been like this in ages. Or ever.”

“Well, you haven’t been this accepting of someone’s attention, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, and I’m being silly. I might just be putting myself up for disappointment here,” you groan. “I mean, I don’t even know what I’m feeling, but I know what I’m not supposed to feel. And he’s not making it any easier.”

“Your situation isn’t easy in the first place, hun. And there are many reasons why,” she sighs, wishing there was a way to uncomplicate this very complicated relationship you have with Jungkook. “But whatever it is you think you shouldn’t feel, think about what he may be feeling, too. He wouldn’t be making all this effort since Thursday night for this to just be nothing.”

“I wish none of that means anything. That’s probably gonna be easier, right? That he doesn’t feel anything remotely close to what I do? That’s probably better than dealing with all the complications.”

“Maybe, but we don’t really know,” Soomin says, pulling you in for a hug. “But also think about how new and different this feels. It might be worth it in the long run.”

You fall into her embrace, knowing that during the toughest times of your life, this was your saving grace. It’s no different when you’re confused and in need of guidance, and though you’ve always made decisions for yourself with knowledge of the consequences, Soomin was there to back you up during the times when you were going in somewhat blindly. She wants you to be happy, and you won’t really know if continuing to feel what you do about Jungkook will make you so. If all else fails, well, you could always go back home, or maybe return to Busan and start a life there. Jungkook will just be a memory; you hope to the heavens it’ll be a good one.

You shake away the thoughts and finally go back out and are relieved to find some peace. Jimin’s washing your dishes while talking to Yoongi who wipes them dry. Jungkook sits on your sofa, looking around quietly, but he stands when he sees you approach him.

“I’ll go ahead,” he says, gesturing towards the door. “I… I think you’ve got everything you need.”

“Let me walk you there,” you smile.

He’s outside the door when you thank him again then apologize if Jimin made him uncomfortable.

“It’s okay. I’d be protective of my best friend, too, if I learned how their boss treated them,” he responds.

“I, uh… those were hard times and I may have complained quite a bit about you,” you pout. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure I deserved it,” he chuckles. “You’re lucky you have them. I mean, my best friends tease me a lot and say shit about me to my face and behind my back.”

“Oh come on, Seokjin and Taehyung love you,” you laugh. “I’ve seen it, but you all also said you’re like that to each other; it’s how you guys grew up. I mean, I was the new girl in school and Jimin and Soomin have been protective since day one, whereas your best friends have shown you tough love since you were kids. They said you never accepted their affection so they switched tactics.”

“That’s fair. I was always shy and then turned into a bitter, introverted child. There was no transition, I guess. Now we’re adults and have just stuck with each other because we’re all we’ve ever known.”

“Well, you make decisions to stand by people, Jungkook. They do with you and you do the same with them. Plus, you’re not that insufferable,” you tease.

“At least you don’t think so. Not anymore, I hope,” he says softly, looking away.

“People deserve second chances. You gave me some and more and I… I’m glad you did. I at least get to see this side of you that’s helped me a lot these past months. I’m thankful. And I hope you know that.”

Jungkook just nods, unable to reply through words again. You let him, knowing it’s his default response. He walks to his car and turns around for a final goodbye, leaving you in anticipation for when you’d be with him again.

“Well, that was a long goodbye,” Yoongi says, surprising you as he stands behind you. “And no, I didn’t hear anything.”

You turn to him with a playful frown. “I was just making sure that Jimin didn’t make him feel too bad. I mean, I know I complained a lot but still. I didn’t want Jungkook to think I cursed his existence or something.”

“You did at one point though,” Yoongi laughs. “But it’s acceptable. Jungkook was rude, and heavens know how much shit I gave him for treating you the way he did.”

“You did, huh?”

“I always told you I’d look out for you, ___. Whatever happened or didn’t happen between us, I was always going to have your back.”

“You’re heaven-sent, Min Yoongi,” you smile. “I wish I could do half as much as you do for me.”

“You do more. I hope you don’t ever doubt the comfort that your presence gives to people. Maybe that’s what it’s done to Jungkook. And I know he hasn’t felt much of that in years.”

It’s Yoongi’s last words before he says goodbye, and they stay in your head for the next few days. Maybe Soomin’s right - all that Jungkook has been doing might mean something, and you hope that finding out what it is will all be worth it.

Jungkook decides to meet with his friends at one of his favorite restaurants for lunch. All he planned on doing today was visit you and he has nothing else going on for the rest of it. The club scene has become boring for him, and going to one only to bring home a woman to hook up with is no longer appealing, not when you invade his mind all the time.

Being welcomed in your home was refreshing. And even if it was awkward, meeting your friends allowed him another peak into your world. You choose the people you allow in, and you don’t choose many of them. The ones you do stay for a long time, and that’s the kind of person you seem to be. You value relationships so much that’s why you don’t have many of them, and with all that you went through and the vulnerability you’ve both shown each other, he’s started to hope that one day, he’d be deserving of that, too.

“So did you feel like a fish out of water being there with her actual friends?” Seokjin asks. “Because I don’t know what you’d consider your relationship with her is. Boss-assistant feels too simplistic at this point. Are you friends? Are you more? Or is that all too ambiguous?”

“I don’t… know,” Jungkook sighs. “We’re all that but we also aren’t. We’ve gone through so much that it doesn’t seem like there’s a way to define what we are. But I feel like I’ve seen her at her most vulnerable and we’ve connected because of that.”

“And what about you? Have you been vulnerable in front of her?” Seokjin asks.

Has he? Jungkook thinks. Maybe that first time he asked for your help with his new role but he supposes it’s nothing compared to what you’ve shown him, intentional or not.

“Not really. I… I don’t let myself be. That’s still distance I need to establish,” Jungkook reasons.

“More like, because you know that if you do show that side of you, you’re scared you’ll find out that she’ll understand, and that having her next to you is what you need to heal whatever parts of you that are still hurting?” Seokjin counters.

“I don’t want to need her, you know that. There’s a boundary I shouldn’t cross. She’s my assistant and—”

“You’ve been treating her like the most important person and it’s not hard to miss,” Taehyung interjects. “You were never like this, not since Chaerin.”

“I don’t even know what it is about ___ that just makes me consider risking things, you know?” Jungkook sighs. “I’m always torn with what our reality is and what we could be but I’m afraid that if we cross that line, we’ll have to make sacrifices. I… I’m finding myself wanting her around all the time. When she leaves, I want her to stay. When she’s not there, I want her to come. But at the same time, I don’t want her too close because I don’t know if I can have her or if I can want her. Because I don’t know what of me I can give that won’t hurt her,” he admits, with a bit of help from some whiskey.

“Maybe if you let yourself be vulnerable, you’d know,” Seokjin advises. “Some people would run and hide but there’s always that one person who wouldn’t. That might just be her. And then you’ll learn what you can give, too.”

Jungkook lets his friends’ words settle and then thinks about them throughout the night that he spends all alone in his penthouse, with another glass of whiskey in his hand as he looks out the balcony. A part of him wants you to run and hide when you see who he really is, what he hides and what he’s ashamed of. Maybe that would be easier, he thinks; maybe that would hurt less.

You return to work the next Tuesday, having gone to the hospital the day before and being cleared to return to your usual routine. Jimin and Soomin stayed with you until that evening, with you rejecting their insistence to stay another day. You can manage, you assure them. You’re able to walk properly now and would just need to do daily exercises, wear the elastic bandage for another week, and forego the heels.

Jungkook’s pleased to know that you’re doing better and makes sure you don’t walk around if you don’t need to, so he’s been the one going to see you when he needs something. He also postponed some potential site visits for the project that he and Hoseok are working on until you’re fully capable, which is why it’s three weeks later when you find yourself in the car with him, on the way to some towns in nearby provinces on an early Friday morning.

Mr. Ri called in sick today and Jungkook didn’t want to deal with a chauffeur he doesn’t know, so he decided to drive instead, thinking it’s more efficient that way. These are all initial checks and being that you’re the only one from his team who’s privy to the details, he wanted you to join him as a sounding board and also to get your own thoughts about what you’ll be seeing. He has a vision in mind and he needs to translate it properly; you’ve been helpful these past months in making sure he’s able to do that.

Disregarding what this time alone with you would do to him, Jungkook meets you in his penthouse, telling himself to focus on only one thing today, and that’s finding the right place for his planned project.

You leave early for a quick stop at a cafe and then head north to some towns in Gyeonggi province. There are some properties and land that are up for sale, and you prepared the information about them beforehand, allowing Jungkook to play around with the timeline and budget in his mind, even drawing rough drafts on his iPad as he assesses them. You’re both in work-mode, discussing each site on the way to the next one, with you searching for more details along the way and him, stopping on the side of the road to add an idea that he comes up with on the spot.

It’s a little chaotic, as his mind goes from one thing to another, but you suppose this is how Jungkook naturally is. You’ve seen him perform his duties in various ways, but this is when you see the most raw side of him, and it’s quite the privilege to see. He always said he preferred the creative aspect of the job, which is why he enjoyed his time in Singapore, handling the design department. You contend that he’s grown tremendously in his executive role. As Hoseok has said, Jungkook relates to his staff better now, and has even engaged and attracted more partners with his great ideas.

You’re quite sentimental going on this trip with him. It wasn’t long ago when you were going to work with anxiety, anticipating his next criticism so you can prepare yourself, and then going home feeling like a failure. So much has happened since then, and you could even say that you’ve found comfort in your daily routines; doing something different like this is now exciting and something you look forward to, especially since it allows you to go outside, see the sights, and breathe the cool air.

“You okay there?” He asks, noticing your silence.

“Yeah. I was just thinking how 10 months ago, this would’ve stressed me out so much.”

“What? Going on a road trip?”

“Pretty much going anywhere with you,” you laugh. “Car rides even with Mr. Ri made me freak out, and I was so scared to make a mistake or make you wait for information that I couldn’t find. And now here we are - I survived the last five hours with you and not once did you groan at me.”

“Wow, I must’ve been a really terrible boss to make your standard for a non-stressful day to be that low,” he laughs before turning serious. “But I… I’m… I’m sorry, for all the stress and anxiety that I caused you. I was being selfish and irrational about it. I hate change and you were the biggest one, even with my new role. I took out all the frustration on you and I shouldn’t have.”

He says more than he expected, but it’s also the apology that he should’ve given—that you deserved —months ago.

“I forgive you,” you say softly, glancing at him before returning your eyes towards the road. “I always knew my limits and I guess I let you push it and that was on me. I could’ve stood up to you, too.”

“You did though, more than once. And that knocked some sense into me.”

“I guess,” you hum. “And then things improved and I’m just glad they did.”

There’s a prolonged silence after, as you both opt to bask in the scenery around you. There’s that understanding and acceptance of how things were and that regardless of what’s going on in your own minds, you at least have this. You think to yourself that this just makes leaving that much harder, but at least this is one more memory you could take with you.

You make it to Hwacheon in Gangwon past noon, and this is where you spend most of your time in, as the sites are spread out around the county. There are areas tucked away in the mountains while there are those closer to town with grand views. It’s in the latter where you grab some lunch and go through some of his plans, and you take in his ideas, learning from him in the process.

It’s late in the afternoon when you inspect the final site, which is in an area in the neighboring Chuncheon county. It’s got potential for another project that CEO Jeon is looking to do, and with your notes completed, you and Jungkook start the trip back home. You would reach the tail-end of the Friday night traffic by the time you return to Seoul, the GPS says, and so both of you savor the sky’s changing colors as it transitions to the evening, letting the soft sounds of the radio replace the silence.

Barely 30 minutes in, the rain starts to pour, and it’s seconds later when it dawns on you what that means, as you hear heavy breathing next to you. You turn to Jungkook whose hands are tightly gripping the wheel, with sweat lining his eyebrows despite the cool temperature.

“Did the forecast say it was gonna rain?” He asks, the mix of panic and frustration evident in his voice.

“Yes, but not until late in the evening,” you say, checking your phone to make sure you got the correct information.

Your heart breaks upon realizing that at midday, the weather station warned that there was going to be a thunderstorm, with rainfall coming in around this time. You inform Jungkook, and despite all the progress in your relationship, your heart breaks a second time when he says that you should’ve constantly checked, that the weather changes all the time and you should’ve been mindful, and that now you’re both gonna be stuck on the road because he’s unable to drive and you don’t know how to. His tone is harsh, accusatory, as if it was something you could control, as if everything was your fault, just like how it was before.

Jungkook stops on the side of the road as the downpour continues, and he leans his head on the steering wheel now as he takes deep breaths. You tell him he could breathe better if he sits straight up, but he ignores you.

A part of you wants to remark how it’s ironic that just earlier, he was apologizing for the way he treated you, and now it’s like you’ve both taken a few steps back. You want to say it’s not your fault, that you wouldn’t even have known that the rain affected him this way if you hadn’t seen him be nervous about it when you went home from the gala last year. But you think about the way his eyes looked earlier, how they filled with worry and fear, like there was a sense of powerlessness that you know a little about.

So you settle for a bit of grace and understanding, thinking they’re what he needs.

“I don’t know why this is on me,” you say softly. “I didn’t know how bad it was but if I did, I would’ve checked constantly and I would’ve had us turn back the second I saw that forecast. And if I could drive, I’d drive us back as fast as I could. I’m sorry.”

He slows his breathing and sits up. His hands still tightly gripping the wheel but his eyes are downcast, and you suppose there’s more sadness than anger, so you stop pressing your nails on your skin, which you’d started doing in anticipation of him arguing with you about it.

“I don’t like the rain,” he shares, his voice low. “I… I have a bad memory of it as a kid and I just get reminded whenever it starts. I panic when it gets louder and I just… I can’t stay out here when that's all I can hear.”

His honesty surprises you. You can’t imagine how it must’ve been like for him, even more that he has to suffer through this right now in front of you, considering how hard it is for him to express how he feels. You don’t know how bad this weather is gonna go, and at this pace, the thunderstorm will probably reach you by the time you make it back to Seoul. So you do what you do best, and that’s to come up with options.

“There’s a guesthouse not far from here,” you say after checking the map. “It’s the closest one. We could spend the night there and wait out the rain. That’s better than being stuck here or continuing the drive back to the city.”

He nods in agreement, knowing there’s not much he could do. He doesn’t want to be stuck here; even more, he doesn’t want to unload on you nor have you witness how much worse it could be.

He keys in the address you give him while you call the property and ask if they still have available rooms. They do, so you reserve two and sigh in relief that that’s one problem solved.

You make it there in 15 minutes. Jungkook heads out the car first with the rain having eased up a bit, and you retrieve his luggage from the trunk, the one he keeps there for emergency trips and instances like this one. It has enough clothes for a day, and you’re glad that at least he has something to change into.

You make it inside and meet the owners then introduce yourself, stating that you reserved two rooms.

“I’m so sorry but we had to give up one of them,” the woman says. “A family came in with a baby and we couldn’t turn them away. The weather’s going to get worse tonight and we try to accommodate as many people as we can. I hope you understand.”

“That’s… that’s okay,” you say, knowing you would’ve done the same.

The thought of sharing a room with Jungkook feels too intimate and definitely not good for your heart, added to the fact that you’re probably not his favorite person right now, so you try to find a way out. You turn to the living room and see the sofa that’s big enough for you, so you ask if you can just stay there instead.

“Our cleaners will be using that space since they can’t go home due to the rain. I’m sorry again, Miss. Your room has twin beds so I hope that eases your worry somehow.”

“It’s fine, we’ll manage,” Jungkook says from behind you, hoping to the heavens that he will. He has one fear, and that’s you seeing how he really is during times like this.

He takes the key and walks up the stairs to the room you’re given. It’s spacious with a fair enough distance between both beds. He takes the one farther from the window then gets his clothes from his bag. It dawns on him that you don’t have your own with you, so he offers you his sweatshirt.

“It’s okay,” you shake your head. “It’s gonna be cold and you’re gonna need it.”

“So will you. You can’t be in wet clothes, not in this weather.”

“It’s happened before,” you shrug.

“___, just take it,” he insists, placing the item on your bed. “I have a top here that I can wear and the blankets will be enough. This is loose but it’s at least better than damp clothing. And you can go ahead in the bathroom. I’ll just give Mr. Ri a call.”

You nod and head out, taking his jumper and the towel with you. You’re given some basic toiletries, and the warm shower is just what you need for that bit of comfort after a stressful evening. As you’re about to dress up inside, you hear a knock on the door.

“I asked the lady if they had spare pajamas for you and she gave me a set,” Jungkook says from outside. “I’ll leave them on a stool by the door.”

You wait for him to leave before getting them and putting them on. It’s a plain set of shorts and shirt that’s a little big but it’s way better than your damp skirt and blouse, which the owners offered to wash and dry for you for tomorrow.

You return to the room with Jungkook sitting on the floor, and you give him back his sweatshirt that he turns down.

“I’m fine,” he insists. “Don’t you get cold easily? You’ll need that.”

He walks out, barely meeting your eyes. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed when he returns half an hour later, the sight of him with damp hair in black sweatpants and a white sleeveless top doing things to you. But you shake the thoughts away, especially as he once again creates that distance. He doesn’t look at you when he settles in bed, nor when he switches off his bedside light, and definitely not when he turns around to face the other way. You sigh to yourself, feeling even more alone now with him acting like this.

You can’t really blame him though. Dealing with something that elicits painful memories is difficult, and you understand the tendency to isolate yourself and push people away when that happens. It’s what you do sometimes, but still, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you a little when Jungkook does this to you, considering how good your relationship has become, regardless of your stupid attraction.

Settling in your bed, you decide to turn around and face the window. You focus on the droplets creating their own artwork on the glass, in hopes that it’ll help you take your mind off Jungkook, even if he’s literally just a few feet away from you. The last thing you want is a strained relationship, and you hope that this doesn’t make him fall back into his old ways. Although he’s experienced a few stressful moments these past months, they weren’t personal, and you suppose situations like this are when his emotions truly come out.

The rain has gotten stronger again and you’re pleased that Jungkook isn’t awake for this, based on the soft snores you hear. You’re about to fall asleep, the sound hypnotizing you a little, but that’s when the first blare of thunder strikes, causing you to jerk in bed in surprise. It used to scare you because of what it reminded you of, but you learned how to manage it after the first hit; the succeeding ones are no longer triggering. In fact, you just think of how it used to drown out the sounds of what you were truly afraid of.

Just then, you hear distressed moans. The sounds of frantic breathing and shifts on the bed follow right after. And then there’s a restrained groan, like a call for help that doesn’t fully come out, and that’s what alarms you. You immediately get off the bed and rush to Jungkook’s side. You see that he’s still asleep, his body - now uncovered by the blanket - is tense, despite his efforts of turning about. The low sounds of almost-cries convince you that he’s having a nightmare.

Thunder hits once again and it’s much louder this time, eliciting another frantic response from Jungkook. He’s kicking the covers while gripping the sheets, and with another roar of thunder that causes him to scream, that’s when you decide to wake him up.

“Jungkook, hey, listen to me,” you say, sitting on the edge of the bed and keeping his head still with your hands. You’re able to control him as he continues tossing and turning, repeating his name until he slowly opens his eyes. “Hey, you’re safe with me, okay? Just focus on my voice.”

He’s awake now and you see the worry in his eyes, but you talk to him calmly, wanting him to trust you. It works, as he nods and slows down his movements. But he’s still breathing heavily, his lips chattering and the rest of his body shivering.

You anticipate another hit of thunder, and you’re able to shield him from it, pressing your palms on his ears, trying to drown out the sound. You stay that way, thumbing his temples as you tell him it’s okay, that you’ve got him, and that it’ll be over soon. You hold his gaze to let him know that you’re not going anywhere, and his pretty eyes that often look so far away are now overtaken with fear.

“Just look at me, alright? And follow my breathing,” you instruct him, your voice as gentle as you can make it despite your own worries for him.

He does as you say, his hands gripping your wrists as if to keep them there, and you assure him that you won’t let go until he says so.

“You’re doing good, just keep breathing,” you repeat, pacing your breathing with his until you’re doing it together.

You don’t know how long you stay that way, with his head between your hands and your eyes locked on his. It takes a while, but the thunder eventually stops and the rain eases. Jungkook finally calms down and you slowly release him from your hold. You watch him shut his eyes, as if in desperation to let everything go, before he opens them again.

“Is that better?” You ask, moving just a bit farther from him to give him space, but you remain close, wanting to be next to him in case something happens again.

“Yeah, that was, uh… that was tiring,” he huffs.

“I think the thunder has passed but if it happens again, I’ll be here, okay?”

He nods, his soft and desperate eyes now looking at you to express his gratitude. You want so badly to hug him, to hold his still-shaking hands and assure him that he’s not alone, that you won’t let anything hurt him for the rest of the night, and that you understand it all - whatever it is he’s afraid of, and why he keeps it all to himself.

But you suppose that’s going too far. You’re afraid that you’d want to stay there, even more if he doesn’t want you to. So you nod as well and think that he at least has this to comfort him, that he at least knows you’re just there.

You walk back to your bed and lie down, facing him this time. You smile, wanting that assurance to be the last thing he sees before he falls asleep again. Jungkook does the same as he settles under the covers, patting it down so he could see you better. You both stay there, safe in your corners, your eyes telling each other things you can’t say.

Whatever distance you felt earlier has shortened. Right now, with both of you falling asleep to each other’s view, he’s never felt so close.

The morning after heavy rain is always bittersweet. There’s the reality of the damage it caused but you also can’t deny that it gives life to other living things. What it also does is make way for clear skies and give you that fresh, rainwater scent of the grass and the trees. It’s what you see and smell when you open the bedroom windows, reminding you that the evening has passed and the worst is over.

You spot Jungkook seated on one of the chairs in the garden, and you hope that the view is making him feel better, with the nightmare from last night slowly drifting away from his mind. You dress up in the dry clothes you find hanging on the doorknob of the room then head downstairs, surprised to see food prepared in the dining area. The tofu stew and grilled mackerel are so appetizing, and the loud rumbling of your stomach reminds you that you didn’t eat last night, with all the stress making dinner your last priority.

“Hello, dear. It was a pretty hard evening so we prepared something for our guests,” the owner says, her radiant smile reflecting the brightness of the day. “You may call your friend outside so you can both eat and get ready for a long drive home.”

You thank her then call Jungkook, his eyes brightening when he walks back inside and sees the food. He engages in conversation with the owners, asking about this town and the surrounding ones, and what their appeal is to non-residents. You gauge that he’s doing a bit of research himself, and you think he’s at least not too out of it to still do so.

“You’re free to stay until noon,” the owner informs you. “You can enjoy the view outside; it’s really pretty now that the sky has cleared. I’ll be making tea shortly as well.”

Jungkook says he’ll return to the garden and you wait for the hot drinks before following him. You’re unsure if he wants you around but you try, sitting next to him then sighing in relief when he doesn’t move away.

“I was 10 years old when my parents sent me and my brother to a cabin somewhere in Hwasun,” he starts. “I thought they were coming with us but it was just me and Jeong-sik and some staff. He and I never got along. If he wasn’t ignoring me, he was teasing me. But that day, he convinced me to play hide-and-seek, saying that by the time he finds me, our parents would be back. We were outdoors and I ended up wandering too far, so close to the woods that I couldn’t find my way back. My brother hadn’t come and I was getting scared. And then it started to rain.”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—”

“It started getting stronger and the skies had become so dark, I could barely see anything,” he continues, his eyes fixed towards the mountains faraway. “The rain made the ground slippery so I decided to just sit by a large tree and hope someone would find me. It felt like hours and maybe it was. The thunder was so loud then and it kept going and going and going. And I was drenched and all alone, and no matter how hard I screamed, no one could hear me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you say, feeling your heart break as he narrates a painful memory that you can relate with.

It’s only close to what you experienced yet it feels so real to you. You can feel his fear and his pain in the tremble of his voice, in the way he grips on the edges of the bench, in the way his jaw clenches at the memory, like it’s one he’s tried hard to bury yet can’t get rid of, no matter how hard he tries.

But this feels so personal, and you don’t want him to feel like he needs to share it with you.

“You don’t have to explain,” you add. “I know it’s difficult to share something like that.”

“But I want to,” he responds, turning to you now. “Because I’ve carried the memory with me for 20 years and I’ve been dealing with it all on my own. But that’s not an excuse to treat you the way I did last night. That’s not a reason for me to take it out on you and especially to blame you. That was wrong of me and I’m sorry, ___. I…”

He looks down, perhaps trying to gather the courage he needs to be honest with you, to be vulnerable with you.

“I don’t want you to think that I didn’t need you because I did,” he adds. “I was scared and I didn’t think I needed you but you were there and I’m so sorry.”

You sit there and watch him cower onto himself, and somehow you see the little boy who was scared, who was wondering why he’d been left alone, who was waiting for someone to come find him or perhaps… someone to sit there and be with him until the rain stopped. There’s a lot he carries; there’s also a lot he buries, as if there’s a bottomless hole within him where he keeps everything hidden but it still feels too heavy, too much, taking from him every time he hides something new.

You don’t say anything for a while, as you start to see Jungkook for who he really is. You feel the weight of his words and how much it took for him to say them. It’s not that his experience makes him different, but now that you know the pain he’s been carrying with him, you’re able to see the other parts of him that he’s unable to show, perhaps too afraid that someone wouldn’t understand, or that they wouldn’t stay if they found out why he keeps his distance and why he pushes people away.

Your silence prompts him to look up. You meet his eyes and see the sadness in them and it feels like he needs more than just forgiveness.

“We do things we don’t mean to when we’re afraid,” you tell him. “It doesn’t always mean we intend on hurting them. And I understand that, more than you know. I’ll never take that against you.”

Jungkook nods, shifting again towards the view as he lets your words sink in. He was hoping for forgiveness, but he got so much more. Maybe there’s a reason why you’ve been patient and gentle with him ever since the beginning. Perhaps you’re carrying your own burden and painful memories that you’re unable to share and deal with, too, and though he’s nothing like you, there’s comfort in knowing that you’re the same somehow.

He senses you turn back to look at the mountains, and the silence prompts him to continue the story of an experience he’s only shared twice before - once to his best friends and another time with Chaerin, all of whom have seen this side of him - the scared and vulnerable side. They were understanding and supportive as well, trying to find ways to comfort and help him deal with it. You’re the third and the one he’s known the shortest time, yet he feels more comfort with you than anyone who’s ever tried.

“I fell asleep at that tree while waiting,” he recalls. “The next thing I know, I was being carried back to the cabin. The rain had stopped but it was still dark, and I was tended to until I fell asleep again. I was sick for days and I didn’t see my parents until we were back in Seoul. It’s just a hard thing to remember. I know we have selective memories and I always wish that’s one thing that I don’t ever have to remember but life isn’t that kind, I guess.”

“It isn’t. But we learn to face those fears though, and manage them. It’s the only way we can get through it,” you say.

“Have you?” He asks, wondering if that’s another similarity he shares with you.

“Not really. I wouldn’t be alone and where I am if I have,” you say. “But I’m trying. And I’ll continue to.”

“That makes one of us,” he sighs.

“Well, it’s not always easy if you’re not quite sure what you’re really afraid of,” you respond. “Is it just thunder?”

“Yeah… but once the rain starts, it tells me that thunder could come. It doesn’t always but it’s what my brain tells me. Then I get anxious and I… I don’t know what to do. Like I’m paralyzed and unable to think or move. I just… stay there and sometimes, I don’t even know what’s happening.”

“Well, it rained when I got injured,” you remind him. “But you managed to get me to the hospital. And you stayed with me. That’s definitely something.”

“You were hurt and it was more important that you got treated,” he reasons. “That was scary and I guess my brain told me to get shit done that moment.”

“So… do I always have to be hurt for you to get through the rain when it starts getting bad?” You ask.

“Don’t talk like that. I can’t have you going through that again,” he frowns at you.

The way he reacts to the thought of you being hurt gives you that warm feeling again. But it reminds you that you feel the same. You don’t want him to be scared, you don’t want him hurt, too.

“Fine. But when it starts to rain and you’re all alone and you feel like you can’t manage, you call me, okay?” You tell him.

“And what would that do?”

“That way I can talk you through it. Maybe go to you if you want me to.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because during the times I was afraid and alone, you were there,” you bravely say, turning to him and prompting him to do the same. “Sometimes something triggers those memories but then I think of how you stayed with me in the alley and in the playground and in my apartment. I think of you and I stop feeling scared. Maybe you can think of last night when it starts to get bad, too. And we can just create more of those memories to override the bad ones. Wouldn’t that be better?”

He savors your words, not realizing how much you’ve held onto your moments together. And he understands that now. The way you held him together last night is ingrained in his mind, and if that’s how it feels to be with you during his darkest moments, he starts to wonder how good it would feel during the good ones.

Maybe he’ll start with this, as you both sip citrus tea while looking at the lush mountains out on the horizon. He’ll continue with the scenic drive back to Seoul and a stopover at a cafe for some iced coffee and conversations about good memories. And at least for today, he’ll end with the sight of you walking to your apartment and then turning around to wave him goodbye, and then your smile giving him warmth on this cold afternoon.

The door shuts and he starts the trip back to his place - empty, lonely, just like how it’s been for years, all his pent up emotions bringing him to this point of isolation. But there’s you - the feel of your touch, the soothing sound of your voice, and the gentleness that got him through the night.

He misses you already. And much as he knows he’s in big trouble, thinking about you and wanting you is all he could do.

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#jungkook fic #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook x reader #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #boss jungkook #jungkook fanfic

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yet-another-haven-of-dollya · 5 months

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Finally! My DoL PCs and their LIs

My friends asked me if I wanted to join the School AU with their OCs and I thought for the longest time before bringing Lya to the party. Then I kinda just felt like it and drew the whole gang :D They came out beautifully so more information and separated images undercut!

The First one is of course Lya the Blossom

Main PC

Harpy transforms, Mate for Life.

Wears all white if she can.

Very light in weight, makes her defiant attempts usually ineffective.

Went through a lot to make things easier for her loved ones.

Skilled in segg but doesn't really enjoy it anymore at this point if it's not with her loved one. What she seeks in segg with her lover is intimacy and the feeling of security.

Secretly a meanie. Gets jealous easily and envious of almost anyone, but doesn't show it or act on it often.

Despises the Temple to her core but believes Jordan is a genuinely good person. Wanted to fuck him just because.

Protective toward her lover and the children at the Orphanage.

Very insecure about her financial state. She tried to make money anytime she could.

CONSENT YOU MOTHERFU-

Can't cook. Literally. Keep her away from the kitchen.

Male Robin the Lover~ (Sorry I love this title)

The one and only.

Maybe he's trying his best, maybe he's hiding from something so terrible, who knows.

Love the purple color.

Easily scared and would cry out loud if Lya was there to reassure him and demand a lot of hugs, head pats, and kisses afterward.

Clingy as hell, but luckily he's cute just enough to let it pass.

Hell lots of freckles, everywhere all over his body even though he mostly stays at home or in the shades. Sensitive skin then.

Squishy belly.

Occasionally cross-dress when going on a date with Lya but keeps it as a hobby only.

Love to do makeup for Lya and skin care together.

Grow in height a LOT since the game started and wondering why Lya still stays the same, not that he complains about her growth of boobs and ass.

Lyah the Emancipated

The second PC, made with a lot of feast boots, almost all of the Vrel coins Lya earned.

Wears all black if he can.

Demonic Harpy Chimera Transforms.

Waiting for Robin's preg contents.

2m14. Larger body type, 6/6 physic, S athletic, Vengeful Sadist. Basically all offensive.

Fucking huge manboobs produce fucking lots of milk

Almost always wears a buttplug

The only one taller than him is Jordan.

"Blood moon? Fuck Ivory Wraith I'm out."

Still works at Strip Club, mostly because he loves wearing bunny suits and he wants to look out for Darryl.

Chef. Let him cook.

Housekeeping skill F-. Drops and crashes everything every time trying to clean or deco his room.

Doesn't know how to smile but will unconsciously do so when he's near Robin.

Doesn't understand why he's still sometimes mistaken as female.

Fem Robin the Lover~

So cute and squishy.

People unconsciously smile when she smiles.

"Too precious must protect."

Her weight is top secret.

Knows it all too well that Lyah intentionally feeds her more sweet treats and creamy drinks every day during every school break but can't resist the temptation of sweets.

Accepts gaining weight during the leisurely times, but has to lose it a bit before school starts again so she can fit into the school's uniforms.

Pretty proud that her lover is a chef at the biggest Cafe in town.

Slightly less freckle than male Robin. Just slightly.

Wardrobe full of checkered pattern clothes.

Of course she can cook well.

Perfect housewife material.

Timid when using strap-on but usually gets absorbed in the moment too much she forgor to pull the buttplug out before diving her strap in.

Lyah is not complaining though so it's all good.

Last but not least Kariya the Alter Ego!

"Well somebody has to go to prison and asylum and... hmmm"

Devil transforms

Full name Sesshouin Kariya. Kariya means "Midnight' Swallow"

Not a new save file but one of Lya's older saves. Hence the Alter Ego title.

Was born cuz I was bored and wanted to go to places Lya and Lyah can't go because they're worried about their lover being left alone.

They don't set a love interest because of that, so they can't get attached and can freely roam everywhere.

Enjoy segg as it is, purely seeking more pleasure day by day.

Drooling Masochist. Prefer group.

Get bored easily but are also quick to forget, so after a while that very same thing may pique their interest again.

Zones out a lot. Absent-minded. Sometimes clueless to things that are not segg-related.

"Ahhhh Nii-chan, nee-chan, help me it's 23:55 already and I forgor to cum inside somebody today waaaaaaaa-!!"

Intentionally dress more feminine because they love showing off.

The color palette is reversed from Lya's.

" I wonder if it's blood moon soon..."

#Okay Imma see myself out I've been drawing nonstop for two days time to get some rest and sleep #But I'm also SO READY to draw more ID card like this they're so satisfying to draw #dollya art #dol pc #robin the orphan #dol robin #degrees of lewdity #dol #dol fanart #lya the blossom #kariya the alter ego #lyah the emancipated #original character

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nova-amor · 6 months

Text

𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑼𝑳𝑮𝑬 𝑴𝑬

𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒅𝒆 | 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒅𝒆

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒓: 𝒕𝒐𝒋𝒊 𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒐

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 2.8𝒌

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔: 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌, 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒌 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐, 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒊𝒆, 𝒄𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒔, 𝒅𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚, 𝒑-𝒊𝒏-𝒗 𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 [ 𝒔𝒍𝒖𝒕 & 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 ], 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒕 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 [ 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝒆𝒕𝒄. ]

with the flat of your hands, you smoothed out any lingering wrinkles along the skirt of your dress, mindlessly picking out any pet hairs that had embedded themselves into the fabric. after snoozing through your alarm one too many times that morning, you had forgotten to grab a lint roll on the way to the shoot that morning.

"helloo! welcome to nova's blind dating, you guys can talk now!" the director introduced, beaming at the two of you with a brilliant smile. "thank you so much for letting us here at nova productions set you up with somebody else in the industry."

you readjusted the headset on your head, the foam pads squeezing at your ear lobes; you couldn't wait for the moment to be able to take them off. they were basically squeezing any thoughts out of your head, you'd need an advil or two after this.

"so guys, have you ever been set up on a blind date?" the director questioned. the crew worked diligently behind them, carrying in more of the much-needed stage and ring lights.

you leaned forward into the microphone, gripping the sides of the stool you were sitting on to keep your balance.

"yes, it was through a mutual friend, someone else in the industry," you answered honestly, thinking back fondly on the memory of your first and last blind date. "i won't be saying any names, but i'm sure they'll see this video later, and the guy was cool. the date went really well, and we kept dating afterward, but it just didn't work out."

"how about you?" one of the cameras shifted towards the other participant, their identity obscured by the placement of a large curtain between you. you had a sneaking suspicion of who it could be, but you couldn't quite put a solid guess on their identity if asked.

"a couple of times actually," the man revealed, their voice altered to sounding more high-pitched. another step to prevent either of you from figuring out who the other person was. "only one really stuck out; we went out on a few more dates, but our careers kept getting in the way, so we had to call it quits."

the director shook their head, offering the two of you a pitiful smile. "such a shame. well the team thanks you again for letting us match you guys together," the director commented, setting the cue cards facedown on their lap. "but enough with the sadness, we're all here to have a good time! so, share with us what you'd like to experience sexually today— what mood are you in? what do you like?"

without a moment of hesitation, you brought the microphone closer to you, the idea of what you wanted from today's experience already cemented into your mind. "rough, i want really rough sex today," you glimpsed over to the curtain. "like choking, spanking, all of it— i want all of it."

"i'm down for anything, as long as i can get my dick sucked," your partner responded. you felt a bit shameless acting so lewd in front of the crew. yet, you knew what either of you said was neither the filthiest thing they've heard or seen. "i got no plans after this so i'm hoping for the most soul-sucking head ever, the type of shit that makes you feel like you've died and gone to heaven."

you shifted in your seat, pressing your thighs together. you could feel your panties begin to grow damp, pussy lips tingling in anticipation for the big reveal.

"are either of you prepared for that? is that okay with ya'll before we start rolling?" the director inquired as the both of you turned your heads to face the curtain. not in an attempt to get a peek at one another, but because of the undiminished tension brewing between you two. you then both answered at the same time, almost as if there was a psychic connection formed between you.

"yes."

"hell yes."

"okay, perfect. so, let's take off our headsets; just hook them onto the microphone thingy. remember, no talking!" the director began to instruct. you wanted to ask one more thing, the question dying in your throat as you hopped off your stool. you could ask after the shoot. "just slowly step forward and meet your blind date!"

by just catching a glimpse of the shaggy black hair, you already knew who your partner was. your body moved on instinct, arms shooting out to wrap around his neck and tug him into a tight embrace. he reciprocated quickly, his hands grabbing at your waist— bodies flushed tightly against one another.

your gut had been right— you had been matched with fushiguro toji.

"i already knew it was you," you giggled, burying your face into the crook of toji's neck. you shamelessly inhaled his scent, the bold and erotic aroma of his signature cologne brought a certain level of peace to you. you had always loved how the combination of mango, lemon, and sandalwood paired so well with toji's natural body scent.

"i knew that you knew it was me," toji pulled away from the embrace a little to get a proper look at you, cock already starting to stir beneath the confinement of his pants. "the same way you knew it was me. a gut feeling, right, baby?"

your smile grew bigger, and your cheeks began to heat up. you and toji had always had some form of a mental connection, maintained throughout the years you had worked together in the industry.

it was well-known amongst the other actors and actresses, that there was nothing quite like your relationship. the cameras that recorded your time together didn't do enough justice to truly capture the depths of your emotions held for one another; whenever you did work together, all the cameras, crews, and lights faded away— it was as if you had entered your own little world, one that no one else would be able to experience.

without another word from the director, toji guided you over to the king-sized bed at the center of the room, a knowing smile already painted across his face. your fingers were interlaced with his, the warmth of his palm already making your heartache.

"come here, baby," toji twirled you around so that the back of your legs were against the edge of the bed, his hand trailing up your arm to find a place on the back of your neck. he craned his neck to look down at you, his forehead lightly pressed to yours. "let's give 'em a good show."

it wasn't long before the two of you were fully undressed, clothing articles scattered along the wooden floor. your legs were laced around toji's head, thighs muffling his ears as he flickered his tongue against your clit. he was three fingers deep into your pussy, wrist curled and forearm tight from how hard he was fucking his fingers into you.

your moans were loud, his name leaving your lips like a song with the tone of a soprano. you almost wanted to cry; after years of acting together on screen and some private moments off-screen, toji had become an expert in your anatomy. he was well-rehearsed in what you liked— how you liked it when he curled his fingers into you rather than twisting, how you liked your clit to be licked rather than sucked on, how when he angled his mouth and fingers just right you'd instantly squirt.

"fuck yes! make a fuckin' mess— give it to me, baby—" toji moaned, his head shaking left and right between your thighs as your release sprayed like a hose all over his face. he opened his mouth a bit more, eagerly swallowing your load. whatever his mouth couldn't catch fell to the floor, pitter-pattering down like raindrops.

"look at that cockdrunk face," he peered up at you, the pace of his fingers beginning to slow down. your thighs quivered around his head, your chest rising and falling rapidly from your heavy pants. "think ya can handle returning the favor, baby? or did i fuck you too good that you can't?"

toji then pulled his head out from between your thighs, a whine leaving your lips as soon as he retracted his fingers from inside you. he stood up, his skin glistening under the warm lights of the bedroom, dampened with sweat. you'd never get tired of such a sight.

"n-no, please, toji," you whimpered, pussy lips glistening under the glow of the lights. you spread your legs out wider, offering your cunt up on a shiny platter to toji and the cameras. "fuck my mouth, baby, wanna taste your cock. missed ya so much, need it."

"mmm, now that's my good girl. lay your head over the edge for me, baby girl," he directed you, his large hand stroking the length of his cock. his thumb ran over the slit of his head, smearing pre-cum along his tip with each graze.

you dutifully followed his instructions, flipping around to dangle your head over the bed's edge, laid sprawled out before him. he tapped his cock's head against your lips, running the tip along the outline of your greedy lips.

"stick out that pretty tongue, baby," and you obediently did so, sticking the wet muscle out as far as possible. toji slapped the flat of your tongue with his cock's head, your delightful hums filling the air as the weight of his cock smacked you.

your hands pawed at the back of his thighs, urging him closer to your awaiting mouth. toji then slowly edged his cock into you, his head tilting back as a series of groans and words of praise left his lips.

"missed this fuckin' mouth," toji breathed out, his hips rutting into your mouth. your throat had already been trained to handle his massive size, yet you couldn't suppress the few gags that slipped out when his cock pushed past your uvula.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, yesss— that's it, baby— bein' such a good girl, let me use you like the good little slut you are—" toji began to slam deep into you, his scrotum smacking against your eyes and nose with each vigorous thrust. "relax your fuckin' throat, baby— that's it— that's it— fucckkk,"

tears welled in your eyes, your jaw growing more sore from the damage he was bringing to your mouth. you couldn't bring yourself to stop him, eyes rolling into the back of your head. it felt too good to stop now. but, just as his balls began to tighten, evidence that he was close to his release, toji stopped.

"tojiii, nooo," you whined, hands reaching out to feebly paw at his cock. toji was too quick for you though, taking a large step back, just barely out of your reach. "tojii, c'meree— thought ya wanted me t' suck the soul out of ya, baby."

toji shook his head, biting his lip. he ran his fingers through his hair, combing the fringe back as he smirked down at you.

"and ya fuckin' did, baby girl, almost made me pass out from how good you were takin' me," toji answered, moving back towards you. you scrambled onto your hands and knees, looking up at him with big, round eyes. the desperation for him to rail you evident on your pretty little face. "just need t' be inside your little cunny right now. don't you want me to stuff you full, baby?"

you stretched your arms out, curving your back deeper and deeper until your ass was high in the air. toji let out a whistle, his eyes zeroing in on your ass like a predator hunting down prey. he climbed into the bed next to you, shuffling to get behind you.

he landed a harsh smack to your ass cheeks, the impact of the slap ricocheting off the fat of your ass like waves. you wiggled your ass for him, silently begging for him to do it again.

"you like that, huh? shakin' that ass for me like the dirty slut you are," another brutal slap landed on your ass, a smile tugging on your lips. it felt like you had died and gone to heaven, your clit throbbing and twitching for attention with each blow. "c'mon, baby, tell me you want this cock— i know you do, pussy's drooling all over the sheets."

another slap sent your mind into a frenzy, your tongue moving on its own accord. "yesyesyes— fuck, toji, give it to me," you rambled, tongue-tied. you couldn't think straight, not with the way he was massaging your cunt with one hand and spanking you with the other. "want you to use me."

toji chuckled, "oh really? fuckin' bet."

your eyes crossed as soon as toji slid his cock into you, your walls fluttering around his girth. your pussy was practically frothing at the base of his cock, a thick white ring beginning to form, thin strings of bodily juices connecting you with each thrust. his hips rutted into your ass, his balls swinging hard to smack against your clit.

one of his hands was pressed to the small of your back while the other gripped your side, forcing you to stay in place as he pounded into you. your back arched deeper, tits swinging and drooling seeping out of the side of your mouth with accompanying loud moans.

"this is what you wanted, right? wanted t' be my fuck toy? my pretty little doll t' use whenever i want?" toji hissed through gritted teeth, the edges of his nails digging into your skin. each thrust shook the bed, shifting it along the floor from the momentum. "fucked too dumb to speak, huh? better t' keep that mouth shut anyway, not like ya have anythin' important to say."

you were stunned into silence, your brain officially having been reduced to a puddle of pink mush. toji then grabbed at the back of your head, gripping your scalp to yank you up. the back of your head rested against his shoulder, his hand snaking around to grip the front of your throat.

his hips rutted into you, plowing into your g-spot relentlessly with the new angle. the expression you were wearing must've been a pathetic one, your eyes brimming with tears and bottom lip quivering. toji basked in the sight— mesmerized by how beautiful you always looked when he was buried deep inside you.

"kiss me," toji whispers to you, his tone a million times softer than his thrusts. regardless of how rough the sex was, toji always found a way to make it seem tender and romantic. "kiss me, baby, missed those pretty lips."

you hooked one of your hands onto the back of toji's head, pulling him in for the kiss he so desperately wanted. his lips were just as soft as you had remembered, the musky flavor of your release still lingering on his mouth.

your lips moved in a passionate dance— tongues meddling together, swirling around one another, a heated battle to assert dominance. his mouth devoured yours, saliva pooling out the corners of your mouth and staining your chin.

the knot at the pit of your stomach tightened, your abs tightening with how close you were to reaching your peak. sensing the change, toji's other hand snaked down to your clit, rolling the sensitive nub between his fingers. the stimulation proving to be just what you needed to send you over the edge.

"toji," you whimpered against his lips as he continued to fuck you through your climax. he had his own goal to reach. "cum in me, toji, need it. need it need it need it."

he peppered kisses down the side of your face, his lips latching to the underside of your jaw as you tilted your head further to the side to allow him more access. his teeth sunk into the column, leaving a series of bite marks and hickeys. you weren't his girl, at least not officially, yet he still wanted to stake some form of claim over you.

"m-mine, t-that'ss what youu are," toji stuttered, thick white ropes of his seed painting your insides. he kept rutting his hips into you, drowning your walls with his large load. "mine, mine, mine. my girl. my best girl."

"yeah, baby," you could barely breathe anymore. too far gone, body gone completely limp in his arms. you could careless about the crew or the cameras anymore. this was the little world you shared with toji, the closest thing you knew that love felt like. "i'm all yours, always will be."

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sukibenders · 9 months

Text

comfort and care

FEATURING: percy jackson x reader

summary: for the past few days, you've been noticing a change in percy's demeanor as of late. from the bags gathering under his eyes from lack of sleep to his more irritable nature, everything had screamed "wrong" to you. in your attempts to find some resolve, you set out to find ways to tend to his needs.

contents: sad!percy, poor boy is struggling (specifics aren't mentioned) and needs comfort, fluff, angst, mentions of lack of personal care (such as poor sleep and struggling emotional health), percy not being kind to himself (dismissing his feelings), concerned!reader, cute couple moments, reader takes care of percy, mentions of cooking but can easily be ignored or altered if you can't cook, percy calling you babe, i hope percy doesn't seem ooc in this.

note" thank you so much to everyone who showed support to my first percy x reader, as that really warmed my heart. this one came to mind when i thought about how little x reader imagines there are that involve percy receiving comfort and felt like our boy needed someone to be able to vent to. ergo, this came to be. hope you enjoy!

You first noticed it during one of your weekly Iris Messaging calls with Percy, a familiar routine the two of you had come up with when you both had to leave camp to return to your respective household during the school season. It had helped ease the long-distance separation, considering demigods weren't allowed electronic devices such as phones with the risk of drawing the attention of monsters, and allowed for you both to speak for hours and hours without worrying about racking up on a phone bill. It was a bonus that it allowed you to see one another, especially now.

While it was evident that Percy was attempting to hide any signs of fatigue, you had known him well enough to see past the feeble attempts and hesitantly brought the issue forward. "You look tired," you had said, eyes scanning over his frame through the hazy messaging system. "When was the last time that you slept?"

At the question, Percy let out a soft laugh, waving his hand in dismissal. "C'mon, babe, let's not weigh down our talk with boring stuff like my sleep schedule. Wouldn't you like to focus on something more interesting?"

To which you retorted. "I would like focus on making sure that my boyfriend is doing okay, taking care of himself. That would interest me just fine."

The inky haired boy let out a small sound that rumbled in the back of his throat, taking in your words and the unwavering concern in your gaze. A part of him practically leaned towards you (or more so you image), wanting to seek you out for as much comfort as he could gain. But another, more darker part of him, had drew him to a halt and left his previous wants to plunder into nothing more than wants rather than needs.

"It's nothing, really." Lie. "I've just been stressed with school is all." Another lie, well, partially. "You know I'm not the sharpest tool in the box." He was attempting to be humorous, in hopes of drawing away your concern on to something else. It didn't work.

Your burrows narrowed in a way he'd only seen when you get protective over things that you care about, and being on the receiving end of that look made him wince. "Don't be so hard on yourself," you said with a stern tone. "Besides, I don't like it when people insult my boyfriend. He's a genius in his own ways."

"Even when it's me?"

"Especially when it's you." A part of you warmed slightly when you notice a glint of gratitude sparkle in the inky haired boy's eyes at your defense, even if it was from his own self. But, even with that, it did little to provide any solution to the dilemma at hand as Percy had used quick thinking to find a way of branching to a new subject that, before you knew it, left little room for you to return to your concerns before you both had to call it a night.

That didn't mean that this problem was over, nor would your attempts to fix it be hindered.

It would seem so that you weren't the only one to notice Percy's shift as most of your friends had noticed it too. From Annabeth, who was ready to report any of her findings discovered during the pairs talks with one another to you or other members of the Seven dropping casual hints of concern (Jason had mentioned that he noticed Percy's hands tremble whenever they would drag across his face, Leo had noted that his jokes---which were usually funny---had either fallen flat or gave a vibe of uneasiness, Hazel had commented on the way his smile no longer reached his eyes and so on). You had used your family phone to call Sally who at the time was nowhere near Percy, thankfully, and had nearly broken down to you over the phone about her worries. She had done the best she could, but she was only one person.

It didn't take you long to formulate a plan, all that was needed was a way of travel to the Jackson's residence. It was lucky for you that a certain son of Hades had been open to the idea of helping as he dropped you off via shadow travel in front of the apartment complex. After a thanks of gratitude, the di Angelo boy left with saying "Tell Percy that I hope he gets better" before disappearing into the shadows.

You had already informed Sally and Paul of your plan, and the two had readily abided by it by taking Estelle on a trip around the city, leaving you and Percy to have some alone time. By the time you had gotten to your destination, a sudden bundle of nerves had crept their way inside you as you waited for Percy to open the door. What if he didn't want you here? What if it only made him more upset? What if you being here simply did nothing at all?

All your thoughts were put on hold when the boy himself threw open the door, a look of surprise marking his features as he took you in, as if trying to determine whether you were really there or not.

"Surprise!" You had said with hopefully enthusiasm, a conscious smile painting your face as you waited for a response.

Instead of words, a pair of strong arms circled you and pulled you into a muscular chest, body molding around yours as two became one in a matter of seconds. "You're here." Percy mumbled, though more as a statement than surprise even though your sudden appearance was one for sure.

"Of course I am, babe." You smiled into his chest, rubbing your hands up and down his back in a way that you hoped would bleed all the love and comfort from your heart that you wished give.

It didn't take long for him to pull you in to the shelter of his apartment, and even less before the two of you reached his bedroom. You both had fallen on to his bed, laying side by side facing one another with a little distance to allow you to look into each other's eyes. It was moments like these were almost anything in the world could be happening, right outside the window even, and neither of you would care. All that would matter would be the warmth of your bodies pressed together, fingers interlocking in a complex hold that neither of you wanted to be freed from, and the mingling of your even breaths dancing with one another in the faintly lit room.

"I wished you told me that you were coming. I would've cleaned up a bit." Percy joked, waving a hand in the direction towards his mess of a room before rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

You let out snort, raising your hand to card your fingers through his messy locs. A smile pulled on your lips at the soft mewl that emitted from your boyfriend before he ducked his face into your neck. "I don't mind, I think my happiness at seeing you might overpower some of my observation skills."

Percy hummed. "Maybe I'm in luck then." You could tell that he was attempting to divert the conversation again, already knowing the reason for your abrupt visit. And a part of you was almost inclined to do so, wrapped in the comfort of your lover's embrace, physically after weeks of Iris Messages that left you only wanting more. But this social visit wasn't for you. As much as you wanted to lounge around all day, hearing Percy rattle off details of his days away or a spiel of jokes that would be sure to make you laugh.

But now was not the time.

"Percy," You whisper softly after a moment, thumb rubbing against the junction where his neck met his shoulders. He shivered, whether at the movement or your voice as the question he had been awaiting. "I've known you for a long time, like you've known me, and I can tell when something is wrong. Just as you would for me. And you and I both know that something is wrong. You haven't been yourself lately."

Percy didn't speak. His face remained hidden in your neck.

"You don't have to tell me right now as I won't force you. But I just want you to know that I'm here, and so are the others...if you ever want or need..." you pause, your hand stopping in its movements down his spine when you felt his body tremble beside you. "Percy?"

Labored breathing turned into harsh, muffled sobs that shook your heart with each one. Percy's usually tall frame clung to you as he pressed his face further into your neck, if that was even possible, littering the skin with a river of tears. The more he tried to speak, as if believing he had to explain himself, the more his words were choked by the sobs. You simply held him closer, pulling his body further into yours and caressing him from his back to his neck to scalp and back again, whispering comforting phrase from one's of love to one's of reassurance.

"It's all right," you whispered as he shook, running your nose along his temple. "You've been holding this in for a long time and now it's time to let it out. I've got you."

You both stayed like that until Percy's tears had run dry, until his heavy sobs turned into weak hiccups until his body stopped shaking and his breathing evened into one accompanied by an eased sleep. His body fell lacks at your side, his breaths tickling your skin every now and again. The collar of your shirt was dampened from Percy's tears, but you paid it no mind as you carded your fingers through his hair, soothing him even in his sleep because it was what he needed. What he deserved.

A thought had popped into your head when you felt your stomach growl in attention, your hunger taking focus as you realized, after looking at the clock on the bedside, how much time had past since between your arrival and now. Raising to your feet, taking precautions not to wake the sleeping boy, you slipped out of the room and towards the kitchen. Sally had been kind enough to offer to cook something before leaving, but you had simply offered to make something instead and leave one less thing for her to worry about.

You were an hour or so into cooking, the scents floating into the air and clouding throughout the apartment, when you heard hurried footsteps making their way down the hall. Glancing over your shoulder you watched as Percy slid into the room, his appearance ruffled from sleep but his eyes wide and alert as they scanned the room, searching for something. Or someone, more like it, as they stopped when they landed on you.

It seems as if a weight had left his shoulders as they dropped, no longer tense, and he easily made his way towards you. You were in his arms in less than a second, his face pressed into your hair as he breathe in deeply. "I almost thought it was all a dream. You being here."

You hummed, smiling into his arm. "Glad that I'm not?"

"You have no idea." You stood like that for a few moments, occasionally rocking back and forth to keep blood flowing through your legs when Percy spoke again. "Thank you. Thank you for...for..."

But you shushed him, shaking your head as you met his eyes. No words needed to be said, and he understood. His gaze drifted over to the assemble littering the kitchen counter with a raised brow. "Anything that I can help with?"

"Think you can handle it?"

This caused him to snort. "Please, I was raised by the Sally Jackson, learning how to cook was a given." He cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders confidently, moving closer the counter. "Now, chef, tell me what we're working with."

"Yes, chef!"

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson x black!reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x poc!reader #percy jackson x reader #x reader #[🪐] lunars writes #[🪐] - lunars writes

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tswhiisftteedr · 4 months

Note

As a request please give me some lewd Ruggie Bucchi Headcanons if you have any!! I’m starving for content!!!!! <3 <3 <3 please and thank you!!

Giggle Call ☆ Headcanon + Drabble

☆Pervy!Top!Ruggie x Yuu!Reader :

The story of how Ruggie turn poor unfortunate(fortunate?) you, into his perfect little toy~

Warnings: Mature content, Ruggie is aged up to 18+ and NCR is an actually college, public sex, manipulation, gaslighting, fingering, handjob, oral (female, male and gn receiving). Mind break? Not proofread.

Author Note: Ok this request gives me so much liberty lol. This is Ruggie with a yuu!reader, fem, male, and gn. But the actual act of sex will be gn. Anyways Hope you like it!

Note: Fem!yuu!reader wears a skirt, meanwhile male and gn wear pants. The only reason is because I have a fem!yuu oc that I made a uniform for, and I like the idea of reader wearing it. For the beginning Headcanons fem and male reader are cis, but if this gets enough post likes/or it is highly requested, I don’t mind writing another version for trans readers! Another thing, this is my first male!amab!reader work, I personally don’t think I would do masc and/or amab request just yet. This is more of a going with flow type of work. I honestly just felt like including masc!amab content, but it’s something I won’t ask a request as I am still a beginner and work with fem!afab content is easier for me. By the way a giggle call is what you call a hyena’s laught.

☆ More under the cut. ☆

It all begin when you first arrived in twisted wonderland. As you approach the dark mirror, pronouncing your name to it, a somewhat odd odeur was what Ruggie smelled from you.

The scent that came off you was definitely out of place, especially for this school. When the Mirror denounced you as a magicless human, Ruggie thought that was it for a moment. But, Ruggie had been around magiclessor low magic kids back home, and your aroma was definitely different from theirs. Yours was something he had never encountered before, out worldly he dare say!

Despite he’s usual reclined state towards anything but food, his interest was peeked, so he had made a mental note to keep an eye open for you.

(Jump to the next divider for male!reader, and the one after that for gn!reader)

Fem!Reader

He just continued to walk towards the school building, but as he momentarily grazed your side he did a step back. Sure the Pomefiore guys were the pretty type, so feminine guys weren’t foreign to this hyena. But he was a beastmen and one who trusted his sense of smell at that. His nose had told him something as he walk passed you; The fact you were defenetly a girl, no doubt about it.

Now having fully you on his radar, not something to look around for when the occasion was given, Ruggie was going to have his fun with the new pretty girl on campus.

———————————————————————

The next day he saw you brandish a shiny new uniform, with modifications to the regular clothing. Your little alterations to the articles made them ‘more you’ he thought.

You had replacing the usual pair of pants with a skirt that was a bit longer than a mid-thigh one but didn’t reach the knee. It was beautifully embroidered with a swirly thorn pattern, you also wore a pair of stockings/tights to accompany it.

Honestly, it looked good, and ‘Hey, he wasn’t the type to complain at a look of those pretty legs.’ As he casually tried to pass of his staring of your body to his friends, his mind was only focus on one thought that concern your skirt. ‘Easy access.’

He knew he wasn’t suppose to drool at the first hot chick he saw, especially one he had just first seen day prior and had never even talk to for that matter.

But ‘come on!’ What kind of reasonable beastman would not ongle as such a tasty treat like your self.

After the initial process of staring at you in the hallways and the classroom, Ruggie became conscious to the fact that he share most of his classes with you this semester. That meant he actually had the chance to get closer to you! And things only went down hill since then...

———————————————————————

The day after his ‘enlightenment’ as he put it to Leona. Ruggie had introducing himself to you, acting normal as ever, like he wasn’t just thinking foul things about you.

Quickly after being aquatinted, he made a point to be your sitting buddy in every class your shared. Getting closer after every class.

His behaviour started sweet, at least form your perspective, you were unaware of the true depravity behind the eyes of the man you had began to call your friend.

First step of his plan was to complete isolate you, so he slowly separated you from your usual friend group during lunch, making you sit with his instead. He had already done so with your shared so classes so you weren’t suspicious enough to see a red flag in such actions, ‘he just wanted some friendly attention, right?’

His secret depraved thoughts soon transform to reality. In the debut of it all, he would graze you more often, hold your hand longer when dragging you off somewhere, his hugs were tighter and his hand would travel lowered and lower down you back after each interaction.

Contact with him was now so common, that he was comfortable being more ‘handsy’.

He would smack your your ass as passed you, saying that it just his way to say hello now that you were ‘close friends.’

He would grope your boobs and play it off as a prank.

He would ‘fake bang you’ any time you happen to bend over in front of him. Making his friend groupe laugh.

———————————————————————

At some point these behaviours were completely normalized to you, but only from Ruggie, ‘he was your best friend after all and he was the only one allowed to do so!’ You would tell off anyone who tried to copy his actions towards you and he thrived in such reaction.

He was really molding you into the girl perfect his little fantasy, the type of chick that would let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But that wasn’t just that by now, in his own twisted way he had fallen for the charms of your personality, not just your body. So from here on he ought to himself that you would be his girlfriend before the end of the school year!

———————————————————————

With the new found confidence from your compliance, Ruggie made it his next goal to persuade you into letting him touch you.

And not in the way he did previously, his ‘measly groping’ wasn’t anything like what he was going to do to you now….

It all started at the beginning of the second semester with this pervy hyena offering you a massage.

And ‘hey why not, you’re sure he must have done something along those lines for his lazy lion of a dorm leader.’ It’s true that Ruggie did give Leona massages from time to time, when the lion requested them. But, yours was a ‘special one’.

He would start with your neck & shoulders taking care of the knots in those areas, than your arms, and your hands.

He would then make you lie stomach down, working your upper to lower back. Moving on to your ass, under the pretext that; ‘there’s muscle in there too’ so he needed to knead it!

After that he took care of the back of your legs, then flipped you onto your back with ease. Shocking you at the display of strength.

He soon continued his ‘massage’ with the front of your thighs. His hands going higher, and higher until he reach your panties. He began to play with your panty line from under your skirt, which caused you to speak out.

“What are you doing Ruggie?!!” “Chill out, I’m just giving a massage.” He replied nonchalantly, “But this isn’t-“ “Come on don’t be such a fucking prude, I’m making you feel good aren’t I? You should definitely be thanking me, instead of berate me. So, now shut up like a good girl and let me work on the massage.”

He knew he was manipulative in that instant, but he could help but grin at the fact that you did stop protesting like he asked you to. Replacing your sounds of disapproval, by sweet gasps and moans, just for him to enjoy. Meanwhile it had came to him that he had conditioned you to accept anything he dished out, you were totally submissive to his words and actions, this was something that he loved.

He soon stop the simple fiddle of your pussy through the fabric of your panties, to pull in the fabric aside and fingering you. He giggled every time your body would jerk, he held down your legs to prevent from escaping as he started eating you messily. Oh, and you came hard. Harder than you ever by your own fingers, maybe that’s why you were so compliant with his next actions…

The pervert had begin to finger you in class, making it a game of if you can keep quiet enough to not get caught. Too bad for you, even if you were completely silent most students knew what was taking place at the back of the classroom, after all Ruggie wasn’t the only beastman in your class. And those guys all had developed smell and hearing.

He made you jerk him off at lunch in the cafeteria, hand under the table. Blow him in the unfrequented hallways, and texted you to join him in the bathroom stalls during your unshared classes, so he could fuck you!

This went on to the point that you couldn’t touch yourself without thinking about him, and you certainly couldn’t cum without his help.

He had made you so dependent on him for pleasure, you were at his neck and call, even accepting to be his girlfriend the moment he asked you halfway through the second semester. It was to late for you, your previous friends couldn’t help you anymore, looks like Ruggie did do well on his promise.

Male!Reader

He just continued to walk towards the school building, but as he momentarily grazed your side he couldn’t help but appreciate your scent. Sure he was used to guys around him, despite that, for some reason the way you smelled was so appealing to him. He felt almost bewitched at that, ‘was he and the dark mirror or are you actually magicless?’

Now having fully you on his radar, not something to look around for when the occasion was given, Ruggie was going to have his fun with the new hot guy on campus.

———————————————————————

The next day he saw you brandish a shiny new uniform, with modifications to the regular clothing. Your little alterations to the articles made them ‘more you’ he thought.

You had the penta tailored to fit you to the perfection, complimenting your figure. The pant’s bottoms were beautifully embroidered with a swirly thorn pattern, you also wore a black and white striped band around your left arm in a similar manner others would do with their dorms insignia, you made it into a bow to compensate it.

Honestly, it looked good, and ‘Hey, he wasn’t the type to complain at a look of the fashionable specimen you were.’ As he casually tried to pass of his staring of your body to his friends, his mind was only focus on one thought that concern your fitted pants. ‘He couldn’t wait to rip them of if you.’

He knew he wasn’t suppose to drool at the first hot guy he saw, especially one he had just first seen day prior and had never even talk to for that matter.

But ‘come on!’ What kind of reasonable beastman would not ongle as such a tasty treat like your self.

———————————————————————

The day after his ‘enlightenment’ as he put it to Leona. Ruggie had introducing himself to you, acting normal as ever, like he wasn’t just thinking foul things about you.

Quickly after being aquatinted, he made a point to be your sitting buddy in every class your shared. Getting closer after every class.

His behaviour started sweet, at least form your perspective, you were unaware of the true depravity behind the eyes of the man you had began to call your friend.

Contact with him was now so common, that he was comfortable being more ‘handsy’.

He would smack your your ass as passed you, saying that it just his way to say hello now that you were ‘close friends.’

He would grope your crotch and play it off as just him wanting to know ‘what his bro was packing, he’s not gay, so why are you being weird about it?’ This manipulative fucker

He would ‘fake bang you’ any time you happen to bend over in front of him. Saying that you looked like a chick from behind, so it was basically the same he told you and his friends. In all honestly it didn’t matter if your behind would be considered feminine or not, he was just spouting bullshit as excuses. But in reality he would’ve definitely fucked you this very right moment if you had given him the green light.

———————————————————————

He was really molding you into the boy perfect his little fantasy, the type of guy that would let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But that wasn’t just that by now, in his own twisted way he had fallen for the charms of your personality, not just your body. So from here on he ought to himself that you would be his boyfriend before the end of the school year!

———————————————————————

With the new found confidence from your compliance, Ruggie made it his next goal to persuade you into letting him touch you.

And not in the way he did previously, his ‘measly groping’ wasn’t anything like what he was going to do to you now….

It all started at the beginning of the second semester with this pervy hyena offering you a massage.

He would start with your neck & shoulders taking care of the knots in those areas, than your arms, and your hands.

He would then make you lie stomach down, working your upper to lower back. He had made you remove your pants so he could better work the muscles. Moving on to your ass, under the pretext that; ‘there’s muscle in there too’ so he needed to knead it!

After that he took care of the back of your legs, then flipped you onto your back with ease. Shocking you at the display of strength.

He soon continued his ‘massage’ with the front of your thighs. His hands going higher, and higher until he reach your boxers. He began to rub your member from from above the fabric, which caused you to speak out.

He soon stop the simple fiddle of your dick through the fabric of your boxers, to pull in the fabric down and jerked you off. He giggled every time your body would jerk, he changed the position, holding down your legs to prevent from escaping as he started fingering your hole. Oh, and you came hard. Harder than you ever by your own hands, maybe that’s why you were so compliant with his next actions…

The pervert had begin to jerk you off in class, making it a game of if you can keep quiet enough to not get caught. Too bad for you, even if you were completely silent most students knew what was taking place at the back of the classroom, after all Ruggie wasn’t the only beastman in your class. And those guys all had developed smell and hearing.

This went on to the point that you couldn’t touch yourself without thinking about him, and you certainly couldn’t cum without his help.

He had made you so dependent on him for pleasure, you were at his neck and call, even accepting to be his boyfriend the moment he asked you halfway through the second semester. It was to late for you, your previous friends couldn’t help you anymore, looks like Ruggie did do well on his promise.

Gn!Reader

The day after the ceremony, Crowley had given you some pretty loose clothing to your janitor work in. When Ruggie saw your face as you walk on Main Street, he couldn’t lie that he found you attractive looking. No matter what you would be wearing, you would be confused for some type of model for a big brand cosmetic/skincare company, not that he necessarily had any knowledge about them, he just had ‘that kind of feeling you know?’

He just continued to walk towards the school building, but as he momentarily grazed your side he felt as was overwhelming by the sweet and alluring aroma coming off of you. Was everyone sure you were indeed magicless, ‘cuz damn, you just had put a spell on that boy!’ He even wondered if you weren’t one of those sex demons that just passed themselves off as a stranded soul in this world, what were the called again, succubus? Incubus? Whatever, all he knew was would be falsifier if said that he didn’t want to pounce on you this very right instant.

Now having fully you on his radar, not something to look around for when the occasion was given, Ruggie was going to have his fun with the new sexy thing on campus.

———————————————————————

The next day he saw you brandish a shiny new uniform, with modifications to the regular clothing. Your little alterations to the articles made them ‘more you’ he thought.

You had the pant’s tailored to fit you to the perfection, complimenting your figure. The pant’s bottoms were beautifully embroidered with a swirly thorn pattern, you also wore a black and white striped band around your left arm in a similar manner others would do with their dorms insignia, you made it into a bow to compensate it.

He knew he wasn’t suppose to drool at the first hot person he saw, especially one he had just first seen day prior and had never even talk to for that matter.

But ‘come on!’ What kind of reasonable beastman would not ongle as such a tasty treat like your self.

———————————————————————

The day after his ‘enlightenment’ as he put it to Leona. Ruggie had introducing himself to you, acting normal as ever, like he wasn’t just thinking foul things about you.

Quickly after being aquatinted, he made a point to be your sitting buddy in every class your shared. Getting closer after every class.

His behaviour started sweet, at least form your perspective, you were unaware of the true depravity behind the eyes of the man you had began to call your friend.

Contact with him was now so common, that he was comfortable being more ‘handsy’.

He would smack your your ass as passed you, saying that it just his way to say hello now that you were ‘close friends.’

He would grope your thoughts and play it off as just him wanting to you to pay attention. ‘It’s not his fault you look like you always have your head in the clouds.’ This perverted fuck.

———————————————————————

He was really molding you into the person perfect his little fantasy, the type of person that would let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. But that wasn’t just that by now, in his own twisted way he had fallen for the charms of your personality, not just your body. So from here on he ought to himself that you would be his partner before the end of the school year!

———————————————————————

With the new found confidence from your compliance, Ruggie made it his next goal to persuade you into letting him touch you.

And not in the way he did previously, his ‘measly groping’ wasn’t anything like what he was going to do to you now….

It all started at the beginning of the second semester with this pervy hyena offering you a massage.

He would start with your neck & shoulders taking care of the knots in those areas, than your arms, and your hands.

After that he took care of the back of your legs, then flipped you onto your back with ease. Shocking you at the display of strength.

He soon continued his ‘massage’ with the front of your thighs. His hands going higher, and higher until he reach your underwear. He began to touch your bits from above the fabric, which caused you to speak out.

He soon stop the simple fiddle of your junk through the fabric of your undies, to pull the fabric out of the way and play with you. He giggled every time your body would jerk, holding down your legs to prevent from escaping as he started fingering your hole. Oh, and you came hard. Harder than you ever by your own hands, maybe that’s why you were so compliant with his next actions…

The pervert had begin to touch you in class, making it a game of if you can keep quiet enough to not get caught. Too bad for you, even if you were completely silent most students knew what was taking place at the back of the classroom, after all Ruggie wasn’t the only beastman in your class. And those guys all had developed smell and hearing.

This went on to the point that you couldn’t touch yourself without thinking about him, and you certainly couldn’t cum without his help.

He had made you so dependent on him for pleasure, you were at his neck and call, even accepting to be his partner the moment he asked you halfway through the second semester. It was to late for you, your previous friends couldn’t help you anymore, looks like Ruggie did do well on his promise.

Sleeping with Pervy!Top!Ruggie:

Despite having quickies in bathroom stalls, Ruggie couldn’t settle his sexual frustration. He needed to fuck you, needed to take his time with you.

That’s why you were here now, splayed out naked on the hyena’s bed, waiting for him to return like he had told you.

A bit of time had passed when came back into the room, snacks and refreshments in his hands. Which whom he put his mini fridge for later.

After that was taken off, he proceeded to rip his clothes off and pounce on you. Relishing in the noises that came from your surprise self. Because no matter how many times he pursued you, it’s always a bit scary when someone would be on you in the spend of a blink.

He brought his fingers to his mouth, lubing them up, than back down, stretching your hole. Ruggie only stop fiddling with it when you came, taking his fingers out, he spat on his hand before giving his dick a few pumps. He than inserted himself into you, starting with a rough pace right off the bat, he waited long enough to have you under him so he wasn’t going to be gentle.

As he thrusted hard and fast into you, he stated playing with your exposed bits making your moans louder. And just as you were about to cum, Ruggie pulled out, making you whined at your ruined climax. He only snickered at that, than proceeded to flip you over. You were now ass up, and face pushed into the pillow by one of his hand, as the other was holding his member, positioning it at your entrance.

He swiftly pushed himself back into your warmth, pounding even harder than before, your whines and begs being muffled by the pillow. His mouvements were hieratic, fucking you out of your mind.

You both soon got closer and closer to your peek, your legs were shaking as you finally came, meanwhile Ruggie was stable as ever when he pumped his load deep inside you.

Turning you over once more, you layed on your back and let out a sigh in relief as it was finally over, you were already spent.

But that relief quickly dissipated as you felt Ruggie’s hand bending your legs, folding you into a mating press. He couldn’t help but laugh at the confused look on you face.

“What? Don’t tell me you thought it was over already? Don’t be so dumb sweet cheeks. Shishishi!”

Thanks @demonichikikomori for requesting!

©tswhiisfttedr. dn translate, or plagiarize.

Tip Me (Ko-Fi) & And support my art account @maviscarlettie

You can now commission me!

Reblogs help!!! (Request Are Open)

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lees-chaotic-brain · 5 months

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First and Last Love (Gojo x Reader)

Second part of the you die in Shibuya mini-series

CW: Mentions of blood, gore, death, disassociation due to trauma, angst, season two spoilers, pretty much stated past satosugu

YDIS Mini-Series Masterlist | JJK Masterlist | Blog Navigation

It was only logical to send you in first. Shibuya was obviously a trap, and one of your cursed techniques allowed you to alter your appearance to look like others. So naturally as the second strongest sorcerer who could impersonate the strongest, you were sent in to evaluate the situation.

That didn’t mean that Gojo liked it. He knew you were strong, but something about this situation made him uneasy. You had laughed, reassuring him that he was always uneasy when the two of you were separated. And while he supposed that was true, that didn’t make his separation anxiety unfounded.

Especially because much more than the agreed upon thirty minutes had already passed. And still, there was no sign of you. Turning to Yaga he opened his mouth.

“Go.”

Yaga sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I know there’s no stopping you. Just…be careful. Please. Just use your brain for once in your life.”

But Gojo was already gone, teleported off to Shibuya. It was child’s play for him to deal with the transfigured humans that Mahito had left scattered in his path so it was mere minutes before he entered the underground station.

He frantically searched for you, yet he couldn’t sense your cursed energy. Desperation took over, and logic and caution fell to the wayside. He was careless, destroying every curse in his path until he came across a strange cube.

A prison realm. Realizing what it was, he turned and was about to leave the area when something was tossed from behind him, landing with a grotesque splat before him.

It was a finger, but why…

His world stopped. He couldn’t breathe. Because that finger, that ring finger, had two very familiar rings on it.

The one with the gorgeous alexandrite stone set in rose gold was the engagement ring that he so painstakingly selected for you.

The other was a simple gold band. Its twin currently rested on his own ring finger.

It couldn’t be. His chest felt tight and his vision blurred. What was that finger doing detached from your body? You were fine though. It was just a finger. Shoko could reattach it.

Gently removing the rings from the finger, he pocketed them and turned to confront whoever it was that had tossed it.

He blinked. Once. Twice.

This couldn’t be happening. This was all a dream. He was going to wake up in your shared bed with you in his arms. Safe. Alive. Well.

Uncontrollable hysteria bubbled in him, denial already setting in.

Because really, there was no possible way that his first love was proudly holding up the mangled corpse of the last person he would ever love.

Your limp hand dangled towards the ground, your elbow twisted at an unnatural angle, but all he could focus on was the bloody stub where your left ring finger used to be.

Slowly his eyes trailed upwards, running over your broken and bruised form.

When he finally met your eyes, your dull and lifeless eyes, he began to disassociate from reality.

He had held it together for so long, but seeing the spark absent from your beautiful eyes, replaced instead by a cloudy film was too much for him.

He stood there dumbly, unable to think, feel, or do anything.

He just felt…empty.

The prison realm swallowed him whole, but he found himself unable to care.

The only thing occupying his head was the cruel irony of it all.

His first love had killed his last.

#lee's brain writes #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #angst #hurt/no comfort #you die in shibuya

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atiny-for-life · 3 months

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Ateez's Full Storyline Explained - THE MEMBERS (A-World)

Masterlist

This is fully focused on Ateez from the A-World since we don't yet have much backstory on the Black Pirates' individually. Thus far, even all I could gather on their shared history is largely speculation based on the Thanxx MV.

SIDE-NOTE: The majority of their backstory is easily found in their Diary Film which was released prior to the Inception MV. But for further details, look to the Fever Part 1 Diary Entries.

HONGJOONG

BACKSTORY

He comes from a troubled or at least not particularly close-knit family - they all moved away as he grew up, splitting up across the world and leaving him behind

When he was younger, before he met Ateez, he didn't have a dream and struggled to see the worth in life - he tried to please his parents with his grades but otherwise felt trapped in a pointless routine

After meeting Ateez and bonding over a shared love for music and performing, he finally got a dream: to become a star and be seen by his family so he can reunite them

But until then, he sees his fellow Ateez members as his main family

Him, Seonghwa and Yunho seem to have known each other the longest and were regularly performing in the streets as a trio

CURRENT ROLE

He naturally took on the role as Captain since he was the first in their hideout and brought the rest of them together; additionally, he was also the one to be handed the Cromer by his alternate self

This role was likely also strengthened by Yunho who's been with him the longest alongside Seonghwa, and sees hints of his dead older brother in Hongjoong and thus tends to look to him for advice

In addition to his position as Captain, he'll also fulfill whichever other role is needed for their missions just like the rest of his crew

Frequently displayed character traits: passion, character strength, leadership, cleverness, caution, intuitivity, loyalty, bravery

SEONGHWA

BACKSTORY

His outlook on music was permanently altered when he witnessed a girl with a 'Be Free' bracelet dance

He was part of the original Ateez trio alongside Yunho and Hongjoong

CURRENT ROLE

His unique connection to the 'Be Free' girl transcends realities and has allowed the fusion of the currently two biggest known revolutionary groups in the Z-World (see: Will - The World Ep. Fin Diary Entries)

As a result, I would describe his current role as a mediator between Ateez/The Black Pirates and Thunder since he's so far been the most willing to extend good faith toward Thunder and learn about their backstory

Previously, like most other members, he simply took on whichever role was needed for the current mission

Frequently displayed character traits: intuitivity, kindness, trust, loyalty

YUNHO

BACKSTORY

His older brother died in a car accident after giving up his dream of becoming a musician

As means of fulfilling his brother's dream post-mortem, Yunho wants to work alongside Ateez and establish a successful music career

Yunho admires Hongjoong as a person and artist but also feels he resembles his older brother which surely influenced how he originally viewed Hongjoong and why he's always looked to him for guidance

He, alongside Seonghwa, has also known Hongjoong the longest and used to be a street performer trio with them

Prior to his brother's accident, he spent a lot of time riding around on his motorcycle with a separate friend group

CURRENT ROLE:

He was the first to establish an emotional bond with Left-Eye, who is still one of their first and closest allies, when they bonded over their shared loss of a loved one and lingering survivors guilt (see: Fever Part 3 Diary Entries)

Other than that, he'll fulfill any role needed, such as utilizing his established ability to operate a motorcycle and whatever else is needed (though it does seem like all of Ateez have learned to drive pretty much any street vehicle since they've arrived in the Z-World)

Frequently displayed character traits: honesty, empathy, loyalty, bravery

YEOSANG

BACKSTORY:

He comes from a very strict household

His parents, especially his father, had already planned out his entire life and filled his days to the brim with schedules, such as violin practice

As a result, he felt trapped his entire life (like a caged bird) to the point where he compared his upbringing to Strictland upon first arriving in the Z-World (see: Fever Part 2 Diary Entries)

His only escape was studying the inner workings of machines which is how he taught himself the basics of engineering and robotics

He was the last to join Ateez and got in by building them a drone upon their request

CURRENT ROLE:

He's in charge of controlling the surveillance butterflies seen in Will - The World Ep. Fin Diary Entries which tells me he's still their main tech-guy

This role is also highlighted in Guerrilla when we see him inside the surveillance van

Frequently displayed character traits: self-blame/guilt, self-sacrifice, loyalty, quick thinking, bravery

SAN

BACKSTORY:

He was forced to move around a lot growing up which left him lonely and isolated

Ateez were his first real friends and he was desperate to stay with them, even when his family already planned the next move

His strong longing for a fixed friend group carry into his current behavior and reflect in his emotional reactions to certain situations, i.e. his immense devastation when they first lost Yeosang, his outrage when he found out Android Guardians burn prisoners' treasured memories

CURRENT ROLE:

He has no set primary role, so he'll also simply execute whatever part of the mission is assigned to him, such as playing the decoy (see: Guerrilla)

Frequently displayed character traits: strong sense of justice, bravery, loyalty, empathy, sensitivity

MINGI

BACKSTORY:

He grew up in poverty and with no family left except his grandmother

He's been suicidal since he was young which led to him building up walls that keep others from getting too close

However, he's known Wooyoung since elementary school and Wooyoung's persistence eventually wore Mingi down and they got closer

Since then, Wooyoung was the only one who could make Mingi laugh

Wooyoung was also the one who introduced Mingo to the rest of Ateez (i.e. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho)

Once all of Ateez had been established, Mingi's grandmother got into some kind of accident which made Mingi relapse and shut down since he felt like he wasn't allowed to be happy while his grandmother was so close to death

His resulting decision to fully depart from Ateez had him call their dreams meaningless, upon which Jongho became enraged enough to lash out and punch him but Yunho intervened before it could escalate further than that one punch

His mental well-being was brought up again when he overheard Left-Eye talk to the Grimes siblings about their lingering hope to fix the state of the Z-World because it led him to realize how powerful dancing could be and how much he'd been letting the past affect the way he sees the world (see: Fever Part 3 Diary Entries)

CURRENT ROLE:

He has no designated role, but did recently team up with childhood friend Wooyoung to go undercover as security guards at Prestige Academy during their mission (see: Outlaw - The World Ep. 2 Diary Entries)

He unfortunately also got traumatized during another mission when the Prestige Academy boy's brother died right in front of him and he was left to take out a bunch of Android Guardians by himself without time to process what he'd just witnessed (see: Will - The World Ep. Fin Diary Entries)

Frequently displayed character traits: bravery, quick thinking, empathy

WOOYOUNG

BACKSTORY:

He grew up alongside Mingi and wormed his way into Mingi's life despite the strong walls Mingi had put up

Whenever he feels shy, he'll laugh it off and when he's scared, he'll keep talking until it wears off

He doesn't mind being teased for his habits

He had a strong desire to be a performer but was dealing with intense stage fright until he met Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho at a street performance and they took him under his wing and helped him overcome his fear

Once he became a member, he introduced Mingi who proceeded to join the group as well

CURRENT ROLE:

He has no set role but the injury he sustained during the first Android Guardian raid they experienced in the Z-World (see: Fever Part 2 Diary Entries), did lead them to finding out about Left Eye's existence and connect with the Grimes siblings who were then the catalyst behind the establishment of Thunder (see: Will - The World Ep. Fin Diary Entries)

Frequently displayed character traits: nosiness/curiosity, playfulness, quick thinking, bravery, loyalty

JONGHO

BACKSTORY:

His original dream was to become a pro basketball player but a serious ankle injury shattered that dream and made him feel like his life was over

Meeting Ateez became his second big dream

When Mingi tried to walk away from all of them and called their dreams meaningless, Jongho felt betrayed and like his dream was being taken from him and lashed out - he gets reminded of this incident again in the Fever Epilogue Diary Entries

CURRENT ROLE:

His trauma from his past as a basketball player is further explored in the Fever Part 2 and Part 3 Diary Entries but since then, he seems to have moved on and left it in the past

Like most of the other members, he has no set role and will fulfill necessary roles as needed

Frequently displayed character traits: bravery, commitment, quick thinking, loyalty

#ateez #ateez lore #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho

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scribble-dribble-writes · 9 months

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Plastic hearts - (5)

<<<Prev Next>>>

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Blast from the past

---

As you stood there clutching your chest, all your emotions catching up to you at once causing your eyes to leak, a door behind you burst open.

You turned towards the creaking sound to see a man step out. Another Ken most likely, but he didn’t hold himself like one. He was scowling, his fingers pinching his nose as he mumbled hastily pacing up and down this alley way, oblivious to your presence.

But when you sniffled, his head whipped up to see you, his face flooding with a brief second of relief before it crumbled further into anger. An expression you knew well now.

“You.”, he pointed a finger at you.

“You’re hours late.”, he said dramatically and you weren’t sure what the confusion was about.

“I think you’ve got me –

But he didn’t give you a moment to explain before he got a hold of your elbow to begin to lead you inside the establishment.

“I told you specifically to dress professionally, not look like some vintage grandma who makes butter cookies.”, he said, his words having an edge to it. You began to understand that although it sounded like a compliment, it wasn’t meant as one.

But the dark hallway passed to reveal a hot and steamy kitchen environment. Not many were around, but the vessels were bubbling and the dishes piled up. It reminded you of your shop, except that you had it well organized unlike the disarray around you now.

There was an older woman seated by the counter top, chopping tomatoes with a steady hand. Although she looked frail, the precision of her knife could only have come through years of practice. But just seeing her stopped the clock for a second. The wrinkles around her eyes, the only one to give you soft smile, the silent confidence with which she held herself. You had never seen anyone like her.

“Melissa, here’s your hired help.”, he set you in front of her but did so with a slight shove as though you were disposable.

“Not only was she late, she’s also dressed for the circus.”, he rolled his eyes looking down at your rollerblades. He moved away from you, to roll up his sleeves to begin prepping his station.

“Sam.”, the old lady chided him but it was incredible, she did it with just a slight alteration in her tone.

“Did you give her a chance to explain?”, she asked to which the man on the other side huffed.

“Just so she can tell me what I already know?”, he started to add his ingredients into his soup.

All his comments were beginning to alter your melancholic mood. It was as though a fire had sparked within you and with every word he spoke, it only began to grow bigger.

It was all in reverse here, for the first time ever, you began to truly feel how hurting it was to be in Ken’s shoes. To be spoken for or spoken over. To assume, to push aside another person just because you could.

“She’s here now, that’s all that matters.”, Melissa smiled at you and it felt comforting.

“Anna, a close friend of mine from the orphanage said that a girl she knew was looking for a job.”, she began to explain.

“It’s not much but I do really need an extra hand around here apart from Sam.”, she spoke as she slowly moved around to mix the salad together.

Even though you hadn’t known them before, you could pick up on the slight tension in the room. It almost looked like Sam wasn’t too happy with your presence being here.

“We’ll get you started with washing dishes first but as time progresses I could –

“You are only hired for a month, so during that tenure all that is required of you is to just wash the dishes and help with the flow during rush hours. Nothing else.”, he jumped in again.

But this time, Melissa only pursed her lips as she gave you an apologetic smile.

“What is your name?”, she asked trying to simmer down the heat in the room.

But the question only then reminded you that you never officially had a specific name. A name apart from the brand that felt personal, you could only remember one. As much as you wanted to forget all of it, all of him. You couldn’t.

You could still remember it now. The exact way he reclined by the window in your bakery, the way the sun seemed to always make him have that golden glow. He was impatient for you to finish the cupcakes he had ordered to present them as a surprise to Barbie but it was how he called for you in a sing song voice that it made it impossible to let this memory go. It had made you smile once, it still did.

If you were a cheesecake, I would call you Brie.

Only he would call you that, out of his silly nature to poke fun and somehow as you stood here feeling out of place, you knew it would strengthen you to move ahead with whatever this opportunity was.

“Briella.”, you nodded along.

Thinking about that unforseen start to your life in New York made you feel all the more grateful that in this cruel world, you met Melissa. She took you in under her wing. She was from the orphanage herself, she didn’t have children and her husband had passed early on in her life. But even through all that, she kept her wonderous smile.

Barbie land was a distant memory now, the skates you had first arrived with now in some cardboard box somewhere. But after five human years, you had achieved what you had come here for. To forget Ken and to understand yourself. You couldn’t remember how blue his eyes were. Or the sound of his laugh. Or the feeling when he pushed you away. None of it. You were very much a human now, so much so that you had no interest going back home.

Sam progressed to become the owner and star chef of this small deli that now was a fancy restaurant. You, however, were only allowed to progress to higher roles based on your skills that were assessed by one of Sam’s close circle of culinary school friends. And every time, the result would be unsatisfactory.

At first you thought it was your fault. You questioned your skill and talent. But as days passed, you soon began to understand this world’s working principle and how because you were a woman, you’re promotion was never going to come.

It grew more difficult when Melissa too passed with time. It wasn’t too long since when you had put together the funeral, but she was very much like a mother to you. Teaching you everything, from etiquette to ideals and what it means to survive as an independent woman. She helped find your identity and now your world was rocked to the core again.

Barbie land was cruel in it’s perfection while the real world was depressing for its mortality, only that losing a loved one hurt more than words could describe.

As you laid on your bed staring at the ceiling, hating the norms of this world, the status division, the unequal pay, the true woman experience of always having to be judged ten times harder or having to work ten times harder, you were now well versed that this world was a man’s world.

Your phone lit up with the notification of a text message and you picked it up with no motivation to get to work. It was from Sam with another petty task that wasn’t even in the kitchen.

“We’re catering for a local public school’s parent teacher meeting. Make sure you get there on time.”

You put it away. Sam loved his position of power and used it to also be a very difficult boss or maybe he just enjoyed making your life even more miserable. You were sure that nothing with regards to this party was even organized or ready. You got out of bed, having hardly slept, the sharp beep of your clock when the time read as six in the morning meant you had time to grab some fresh ingredients from the local market.

As predicted, nothing was set. So you put together the team and the menu for the day, did the prep, go to the location to set up, to begin the event and start serving orders, all while the acclaim and credit went to him as he turned up late to interact with the parents to get more funding, funding where not one cent was put towards kitchen repairs. Tolerating him now made you grow more bitter.

All the men you had dealt with so far have all been mediocre or worse. No one saw you, not here, not in Barbie land and listening to that stupid Ad made it impossible for you to imagine you could break out of that box or to reimagine your life because this was how good it was going to get. You can’t be anything or do anything in a world that has already pre-defined your value and trajectory of life.

You took a break to step out and heard the sound of kindergarten children in the playground. It was hard, to watch little girls carry dolls when their dreams could never get to be real. The fresh air was soothing. This uniform had become another form of containment, that what once was a mark of honour now became a cage.

All you craved now was a tenderness that you were convinced this world could never offer. A tenderness that was often present in Kens back in barbie land. But searching for that, here, was another foolish attempt. So you turned to leave when you heard a child squeal.

“Mister Ken, you made it.”

Your heart dropped, your feet wanted to run, while your eyes wanted to look towards the noise.

“I told you I would.”, you heard him speak and your eyes snapped to this approaching man.

His dirty blonde hair mixed with darker roots, his rimmed glasses and tucked in blue shirt that matched his stellar eyes. You stood in awe as you saw him, a near perfect replica of your Ken or most likely the only Ken to exist on this planet.

You pinched yourself in the hopes that this was a dream or a hallucination because all the memories you had forgotten about him only need a refresher to come back to flood your mind.

The children ran to him and he greeted them with the same warmth he had before. You couldn’t move, your feet stuck to the ground as you watched him. It was as though he had sensed it too, the way his gaze shifted from the children around him to slowly find yours. His blue eyes widening in surprise as he got up slowly, shocked as though he too had seen a ghost from the past.

“Brie?”, he asked and you were sure this was all make believe.

The stress got to you, from the deprived sleep and the grief, your knees wobbled and felt yourself begin to fall. So you did, in the hopes that the ground might treat you a bit nicer that your life had.

---

Tags:

@imogen-skye @ateliefloresdaprimavera

@meowkid1000 @jokersgrf @linacool13 @oh-kurva

@dreamsarenicer @memospacexx @haleysucks00

@ibetyouthinkaboutmefics @tempobaekh

@fallingwallsh @whatafreakingloser @lcversrockk

@imonmyvigilanteshh @constellationscharts

@eddiemunson4ever @freyafriggafrey @neptunelixir @iamruiningmylife @floralsightings

@ynbutbetter @lazyboikat @mrharringtonsbae

@spookyscellar @harleyquinn03 @haydensith

#barbie movie 2023 #barbie movie #barbie #ken barbie #ken carson #ryan gosling ken #ryan gosling #ken x reader #im just ken

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kestalsblog · 3 months

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Thoughts on "Loser, Baby" Song

From what I’ve seen, viewers are extremely divided on the impact of the song “Loser, Baby” in the fourth episode of Hazbin Hotel. I’ve decided to share my own thoughts on the sequence below. Warning that this is a long post, and if you are triggered and upset by the song and/or episode, I encourage you not to read. I understand and respect any individual analysis, and if you were hurt by the song in any way, you are 100% valid. Others who feel differently are also valid. All I ask for is that same respect.

I don’t believe the only people qualified to speak on media are those who can relate to it, but I feel, given the conversation surrounding the episode, I should briefly mention my own background, so people don’t assume I am trying to speak on behalf of other survivors here. As a preface, I was in a severely abusive long-term relationship, so I can understand multiple perspectives here.

First, since Husk is a gambler, it’s safe to read the song as an extended metaphor for gambling too, in which case “loser” takes on the literal meaning– someone who has lost the game. Husk reminds Angel that many of us are dealt the shitty hand in life, and that the best way to get through the game is simply to go together. That’s probably the simplest positive analysis, but I think it's important to keep in mind throughout the whole song so that we don't read "loser" only as "failure" or "scum of society."

The most understandable criticism, though, is that the piece is blaming victims by attacking them and trivializing their experiences. I’m the most on the side of this argument at the words “whiny bitch,” which feel like an odd choice considering Husk has been nudging Angel to open up throughout the entire episode. It’s not my favorite line, but I can handle it only if we read the song as Husk actually singing to himself and calling himself these names as a means for Angel to see that he feels the same.

I do have some fondness for the song’s language as it continues, though. Excuse me for referencing my own personal experience here, but it’s relevant to my understanding.

Eventually in my healing journey, I realized writing and speaking affirmations to myself like “you’ll get better soon!” and “time heals everything!” were making me feel worse and frustrated. I felt like I was just waiting around for this magical deadline when I would “improve” or “recover,” and when that didn’t happen, I felt terrible about myself because I felt like a failure on top of damaged goods. I was letting myself down.

I reached a cathartic moment one day when I admitted to myself, “Maybe things are never going to get better, and I am always going to feel ruined by this.” Confessing this possibility allowed me to realize that, despite the fact that I am a “loser” in that I lost time, innocence, my old sense of security, and my carefree nature from before, I can still experience meaningful and even joyful moments in this new, altered condition.

At one point in the sequence, lots of flashing signs point terrible, degrading names at Husk and Angel. I can see why this might be upsetting to some viewers who are adamant that the characters do NOT represent those labels, but there is an obvious alternate reading that these are just the names both have assigned themselves over the years. By putting them bright and on display, they can face their self-hatred directly and reclaim their honest selves. (Let me pause here to say it's also crucial to remember Husk is not directly calling Angel any of these names). The solo lights then disappear and are replaced first with the soft blue raindrops moment where Husk shields Angel with the umbrella, and finally with the single LOSER where they both can dance together.

Most importantly, the lyrics gesture toward surprisingly affirmative by the song’s conclusion: “Eat shit together, things will turn out differently / It’s time to lose your self-loathing / Excuse yourself, let hope in, baby / Play your card, be who you are.”

Husk isn’t disregarding the possibility of hope, even in the gutter for the losers. In fact, he directly welcomes the possibility that the game can change with company, and self-hatred won’t be beneficial toward supporting that change. Even if we are dealt the losing hand, he reminds us the game is still worth playing. He reminds Angel again and again that it's okay to be who he is. And now "loser" assumes a new connotation - losing the negativity, the hatred, the things that are holding them back.

Significantly, after this point, no more self-negatives are even spoken, not even "loser" again because Husk and Angel are interrupted before the crucial word “me” when they sing that final line “loser just like—” Any connection to the self now has been effectively erased, reminding us that Angel and Husk may have made poor choices, may have been given crappy cards, but they are not losers in the sense that they are not less of people.

Last, it’s important to remember that the song is not meant to speak for everyone. It can't. If we’re going to be strict about it, it’s not for any survivors except Angel, and as we can see by his shifting mood, it certainly helps him feel better in the moment. The whole episode has been about Husk trying to encourage him to “break down his walls” and stop feigning the super inflated ego act he typically puts on, so, in one way, it becomes a “let’s get Angel past the self-loathing that’s preventing him from being his real self so we can move on to something more genuine and happier together" tactic.

I know it’s hard to separate our lived experiences from media. Judging from the disparity in opinions I’ve read from survivors on the song, I’d say it’s been therapeutic for just as many as it’s been damaging.

Before I conclude, it's worth mentioning I also have my own critiques of the song. I mentioned one with the word “whiny.” Another potential issue is the difference between Angel and Husk’s problems. I’m not trying to minimize gambling addictions by any means, but I know many of us feel that Husk’s loss of a cushy social position because of gambling pales against the extreme bodily violence Angel faces. I think it would be odd for Husk not to attempt to comfort Angel in some way, and trying to relate is one of the most common ways of doing so, but I admit that the discrepancy in their situations bugged me throughout the number. Husk reminds Angel he's "not unique" in his problems, which is important for survivors to remember (to know they are not alone), but it might mean a little more coming from someone on a similar playing field. The one redemptive thing I can say here though is that both characters sold their souls to someone with a tyrannical hold over them, and even though we know Alastor isn’t abusing Husk in the same way Val hurts Angel, we have yet to see the connotations of his power within that specific dynamic.

When push comes to shove, the song overall works for me, and I admit I felt seen while watching/listening, which isn't even something I really care about in media, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless. If you felt otherwise, I am sorry, and I encourage you to do your best to separate yourself from the media you consume and remember that every story, every song, is written by flawed people for flawed people. I mean it as fondly as possible, but we're all just losers "living in the same shit sandwich." Nothing will ever perfectly represent or encompass your own experience and healing. Analyze art respectfully for what it is, what it isn't, and what it can be.

What else can you do?

#hazbin hotel #loser baby #hazbin hotel loser baby #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel angel dust #media analysis #hazbin hotel spoilers #thoughts #sensitive topics #kestal #huskerdust

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ichinoue · 4 months

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Thoughts? Fullbring is the ability of love and it only opened for Rukia when it could have been used for his future wife

https://twitter.com/IchiRukispace/status/1696175283471094148?t=0sn-UOrhFYVyFzRgvXHhyQ&s=19

I mean, I feel like they're leaping over the object affinity in regards to fullbrings (i.e. the love of the object), as well as taking Chad's speech about pride and replacing it with love.

Quoting from the bleach wiki on fullbrings:

Object Affinity: By developing an affinity for a particular object, a Fullbringer can alter its form, granting powers that vary greatly among individuals. This affinity can be defined by one’s love for the object in question, or simply by an overall fondness for it. As such, this power is usually awakened through a strong emotion associated with the object, such as pride. Using this affinity, Fullbringers pull out the object’s soul and boost it with their own, transforming it in the process.

Riruka says that you're drawing out the maximum power of something a person loves, a physical object. Ginjo loved his pendant, Riruka loved so many things she collected them in a dollhouse.

So Ichigo tries to think of a physical object that he loves or is attached to, or that's with him all the time, and obviously it ends up being his shinigami badge. Because that's what he loves, what that badge represents--protecting.

Chad then tells Ichigo to use pride. Not love, but pride. Unlike with the object affinity, the word love is never used here. And even if it were, I feel that people tend to conflate Kubo's use of "love" and "the heart" with romantic love, when it's about the bonds between people (as seen in Kaien's speech, and six hearts beat as one, etc.) Chad tells him to think of moments that he took pride in his soul reaper powers (and not, as you see, to think of the person he's supposedly in love with lmao). To which Ichigo responds there's too many moments/he felt pride all along, remembering multiple instances of his nakama, and Rukia is the last thought, rightfully so, as she is the one who gave Ichigo those powers in the first place, and her disappearing before his eyes was a representation of those powers being lost.

So, I think they're conflating what Riruka said about love of the object (the badge) with romantic love being the emotion Ichigo used to draw out the power of that object. But instead of love, Ichigo drew on pride. Or you could even say that he drew on pride as well as love, his love of protecting, of being a shinigami because that meant he could protect. But romantic love? That's not what's being presented here.

Nor would it make sense for that to be presented, given that Kubo said that romance is only supplementary in Bleach. The platonic, nakama bonds and "the power of friendship!!" like what Ichigo has with Rukia, is obviously going to be the one at the forefront in a moment like this, not the romantic bond with a love interest/future wife (although it's worth noting Orihime was shown twice in his memories of pride). She's there, but she's not at the forefront, and that's okay, because she is where the romance was at, and Bleach is a shounen. Kubo wasn't going to put Ichigo and his future wife front and center all the time when romance wasn't the focus. That's basic shounen formula, and people need to understand this lol

But, as per usual, IR fans always try to rewrite Ichigo's most notable trait--his desire to protect--as a desire to be with Rukia. Even towards the end of this arc, when he thinks he's lost his powers once again and is crying in the rain about how helpless he feels that he can't protect anyone...they still think he's crying about Rukia lol.

#IchiHime

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bluebeary-jay · 6 months

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Congrats on 1k! 💙 hopefully I'm not late with this? My request is Oberyn + 'if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous.' Anything but angst 🫢

I felt inspired by this one 😌💕 (2.2K of fluff and a sprinkle of some suggestive content but nothing graphic)

Thank you so much darling for requesting!! 🥰💗 I was thrilled when I saw two oberyn asks in my inbox idk why but I love writing for him! Sorry for the wait and I hope you'll enjoy it. Love you!! 💙

Oberyn always said that he did not wish to commit to any serious relationship, for in his mind it equaled to being trapped. But then he met, and eventually married, you – and his beliefs altered slightly. The love you two shared was incomparable to anything else he ever experienced and now there was no doubt in his mind that his whole being belonged to you and you alone. And it was the most wondrous feeling.

It didn’t mean, however, that there was no room in your lives and bed for other people. Especially if they were there to give his gorgeous wife an infinite amount of pleasure.

Oberyn never wanted to unconsciously push you to do anything you weren’t set on doing and the most important thing for him was to make it abundantly clear that his love was reserved only for you. The many beautiful people he occasionally invited to your shared chambers (with your knowledge, of course) were there only to enhance your and his physical pleasure.

He never felt jealousy toward any of them and always made sure your comfort came before anything else so you wouldn’t have to endure this bitter, poisonous feeling, either. And for months, everything was perfect.

But then something changed. All of it happened because of Jorral.

He was one of the helpers in the palace, tall and handsome, with skin smoother than silk. Oberyn assigned him as your personal servant a long time ago to cater to your every need whenever he wasn’t by your side or was summoned by his brother, but he was never worried about leaving you with another man. You were safe in the palace, after all, and the Prince trusted you completely, so the thought of something happening never even crossed his mind.

But then, after seeing how attentive Jorral was to your comfort, he had the bright idea to invite the servant to your bedroom so that they could both give you pleasure a man with only two hands and one tongue wouldn’t be able to. And you loved it. Oberyn loved it, too, of course – seeing you being worshiped by others in the way you deserved always gave him a sense of pride and happiness that he was able to provide it for you.

But even though it was a one-time occurrence, the interaction between you and Jorral shifted significantly.

None of this was your fault, Oberyn understood. He knew you long enough to realize that so very often you weren’t even aware of being flirted with – a fact he experienced first-hand when he was courting you, and one which Jorral seemed to abuse. Leaving flowers in your room and bringing you your favorite sweets between meals was alright – after all, the Prince of Dorne ordered it long before your wedding. But touching you, making up excuses to be alone with you and sitting way too close when Oberyn wasn’t present was somehow way too much.

A vile poison of unknown origin entered his veins and Oberyn Martell was no longer acting like himself. He didn’t know what was happening, and his mind was clouded by the consuming desire to have you as close as possible whenever there was another person nearby. It was an odd feeling for him. Foreign. He never experienced such compulsion before, the need to flaunt the proof of your marital union in front of everyone.

For weeks now he tried to restrain himself against such behavior. It was your choice who you spent your free time with and he’d be a hypocrite if he started to scrutinize everyone you wanted to be close to.

But he realized he didn’t have any problem with other people. It was just Jorral.

One afternoon, he wandered along the water gardens, knowing you’ll probably be here at this time of the day. He tried to get the thoughts of Jorral out of his mind, of the flirtatious smile he directed at you before Oberyn had to leave for a meeting. He reminded himself over and over again that it didn’t bother him and that it didn’t even mean anything when it was him you were married to.

Then, he heard your soft laugh on the other side of a tall hedge, beautiful like twinkling windchimes on the breeze, and all tension left his body – but only for a split second. Because the voice that answered you belonged to your personal servant.

Quietly as a viper, Oberyn went around the wall of green to where you were standing – and indeed there you were, with your back to him and Jorral standing in front of you, touching your forearm. The servant’s eyes darted to Oberyn and he immediately withdrew his hand, but before he could alert you of the Prince’s presence, he took a long stride and snaked his arms around your waist.

“My flower,” he murmured into your temple with a smile, pressing your back closer to his chest when you gasped, startled.

“Oberyn,” you breathed with relief when you finally noticed him. You placed your hand over your rapidly beating heart, but your body was already relaxing in his hold. “Gods, you scared me to death.”

“Apologies,” he said in a raspy voice as his lips latched onto your neck in a tender manner. “My heart was calling for you. I couldn’t wait to have my sweet wife back in my arms.”

You smiled and leaned against him as he whispered words of poetry in your ear. Your hands covered his, wrapped around your waist, and your eyes closed in pleasure as he kissed your neck again and again – completely oblivious to the dark look your Prince was giving Jorral. “I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.”

“You’re here now.” You tilted your head, laying it on his shoulder so that you could see him. Oberyn smiled brightly when you lifted one of his hands to your lips and kissed his fingers, but it wasn’t just because of his wife’s affections – his eyes flickered to the man standing next to you, making sure that he’s watching. “How was the meeting with your brother?”

“Long and dull without you there. I couldn’t stop thinking about how ethereal you looked when I left you, still half-asleep and tangled in the sheets in my bed.”

He put more pressure on those last two words than he intended, but you didn’t seem to notice. Instead you turned to Jorral and thanked him for keeping you company before mentioning something about the topic you previously discussed. Oberyn’s features hardened as his hands roamed aimlessly over your body, craving your full attention, but the smile quickly returned to his face. His thumb – not even on purpose – brushed the underside of your breast, making you squirm and squeal.

“Easy, my love.” He did it again, this time deliberately and chuckled when you said his name chidingly. “You’re always so responsive to my touch,” Oberyn murmured, not even caring now if the other man could hear him. Your proximity was so intoxicating and all his senses were focused solely on you, screaming at him to kiss you already.

So he did.

The Prince of Dorne tilted your chin up gently and brought his lips to yours, his tongue invading your mouth before you even knew what was happening. You whimpered under the onslaught of his open-mouthed kisses, but the sounds you were making only served to fuel Oberyn’s desire. He cupped your cheek, wanting you closer, yearning to touch you as much as possible while you returned his soft caresses. Oberyn knew of your shy nature and could almost feel your inner conflict, the hesitancy whether to bring him closer or push him away – but the love of his action melted your resolve soon enough, making you putty in his hands.

Oberyn pulled away slightly, tugging at your bottom lip trapped between his teeth and making you moan. He relished in those pretty sounds, as well as the shivers raking your body when he moved lower, nibbling at your neck.

“My love…” you began before sighing in pleasure again.

Your husband didn’t stop his actions, trailing his nose down the column of your neck and inhaling your scent.

“You smell nice,” he hummed, burying his nose in the spot where your neck met your shoulder and pressing his lips there tenderly. “Did you bathe beforehand?”

“Yes, Jorral helped me,” you answered matter-of-factly, missing the twitch on Oberyn’s face. “That oil you gifted me recently smelled so good, I didn’t want to get out.”

“That’s true. The Princess stayed in the tub until the water turned cold,” Jorral spoke up for the first time since Oberyn arrived. He smiled sweetly at you, making you return the gesture and Oberyn arch his eyebrow.

“Is that so?” Oberyn asked blandly, staring at the other man. “Wait for me next time, my love. I’d love nothing more than to help you myself.”

“If you wish so.” You brushed his cheek with your fingertips and his eyes flickered back to your concerned ones. “But it’s fine, you know. Jorral is a great help to me an–”

“What do you say we retire to our chambers?” Oberyn interrupted with a sensual purr, putting back a smile on his face. “I wish to hold you in my arms, my love, with your naked body pressed against mine.”

“Oberyn,” you whispered bashfully, looking away in embarrassment. He chuckled, glancing above your shoulder at the other man who seemed increasingly more uncomfortable and bitter by the situation.

“My wife looks so beautiful with this blush adoring her cheeks, does she not?” he asked Jorral, his voice poisonously sweet like a viper’s venom. The servant didn’t give any indication that he heard him, making Oberyn’s eyes darken. “I asked you a question.”

Jorral met his challenging stare begrudgingly. “She does, my Prince.” Then he turned to you. “Is there anything else I can do for you, my Princess?”

“No,” Oberyn answered instead of you. “I’ll make sure she wants for nothing when she’s with me. Now leave.”

He felt your eyes on his face, but didn’t turn around and continued staring at Jorral. A couple of seconds passed between two men before the servant clenched his teeth and bowed his head before making his way back to the palace. Oberyn no longer tried to hide the smug smile tugging at his lips, and only after he disappeared from sight and you were left alone, he turned to look at you.

“Care to tell me what that was about?” you asked with your eyebrow raised, but Oberyn just offered you an easy-going smile.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, my love.” He pulled you into his arms, humming as his eyes followed his large hand tracing your curves. “I was merely anxious to be alone with you.”

“You never minded other people watching… or participating, for that matter.” Oberyn beamed under your scrutinizing gaze, and you squinted at him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”

There was no reason to feel sheepish or deny your accusations. If anything, he was proud that his wonderful, smart partner saw right through him.

“Of whom would I be?” he teased instead of answering, tugging you behind him as he made his way backwards to one of the stone benches set nearby. “I am a Prince of Dorne and you’re my beautiful wedded wife. I’ve no reason to be insecure.”

“So it has nothing to do with Jorral?” you asked with fake innocence, but Oberyn shook his head. His knees hit the cold edge of the seat and he plopped down, gazing up at you with love so overwhelming that it threatened to drive him mad. You pressed your lips together to hide a smile on your pretty face when he pulled you to stand between his legs. “So it doesn’t bother you that he bathed me so thoroughly today?”

Oberyn’s body stiffened against his will before he realized that you were just teasing, but it was too late – you gasped and a look of triumph spread across your face.

“You are jealous!” you giggled and Oberyn sighed, leaning his head on your stomach. His hands caressed the back of your thighs slowly, inching higher with each loving stroke.

“What have you done to me, my love?” he asked dramatically, making you laugh again. “Before I surrendered my heart to you, I never felt so sick from watching any of my lovers with another person.”

“But you know you needn’t worry, right?” you inquired softly, leaning down to kiss his hairline, your fingers trailing down his short beard. “I belong only to you, darling. No one else could ever compare.”

A brilliant smile spread across his cheeks and Oberyn tugged on your wrist, encouraging you to sit down on his lap. Once you did, he hugged you tightly, cupping your cheek with his other hand.

“What would my gorgeous wife say to a horse ride along the seashore?” he whispered, gazing up into your eyes. “Just the two of us?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him softly, smiling against his lips.

“She’d love that. But I’m afraid her handsome husband will have to help her change into more appropriate clothes.”

All thoughts of other men left his mind as Oberyn brushed his nose against yours, his chest expanding with overwhelming love at the simple sight of your smile.

“I’m sure he’d love that, too.”

#bluebeary-jay's 1k party #pedro pascal x reader #oberyn martell x reader #oberyn martell #pedro pascal #oberyn fluff

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spartazia-blog · 2 months

Text

The Polin fandom (over)reaction and discussion around the Marina plot always blows me away because people are so over the top about it. Like, I also didn’t love it, but I sense for incredibly different reasons.

For me, the issue is more that it doesn’t treat Colin as his own character and rather just as the plot device that exists to develop Marina and mostly Pen. Colin gets basically zero POV and *that* bugs me. It could be a great story for his development but he’s essentially forgotten. He’s betrayed by the first woman he believes himself in love with and is exposed to that truth along with everyone else in highly public and humiliating fashion. That would rattle a person’s confidence in their ability to trust their own instincts to the core! And now it’s going to happen again! He’s going to fall in love with someone who is keeping a massive and potentially life-altering secret from him. How would he not see and have to grapple with that parallel? But none of that matters to the majority of the Polin fandom.

For a lot of people, it seems to be more about the fact that Colin is supposed to “belong” to Pen and him having any interest in someone else makes him lesser. Him and how he was impacted matters way less than that it made Pen sad to watch it.

Hence why so many want Colin to have to “watch Pen with someone else like she had to do” Which completely ignores the actual story that played out with Marina and how, while I understand and empathize with her, she was not an actual LI for him?

Side note: That also kind of reflects in how the fandom casts Marina so often as the villain/punching bag but rarely is that focus on her impact on Colin. It’s almost always about Pen and how *she* felt. People care more about one unkind moment, done out of fear and desperation, of Marina towards Pen than they do about the totality of Colin.

I also think, and this is the most controversial part, that people do know deep down that how Pen handled things with LW wasn’t great but, despite complaining that no one accepts her complexity, they don’t want to grapple with her choices or actually allow her that complexity. Hence, Marina bad but also somehow Colin bad so they must suffer for causing Pen pain (however indirectly) while we must brush past the impact that LW and Pen’s choices had on Marina and will continue to have on Colin. It’s also why Colin’s pain and how he was impacted only really seems to come up when people want to make Marina look like a villain so they can argue that Pen did nothing wrong. All initial discussions about the Marina storyline centre Pen and how it made her feel.

It’s why, again, people are so ready for Colin to “suffer” and uplifting some random plot device character (I have not and will not bother to learn his name.) Because, at the end of the day, even though the person actually most hurt and impacted by Marina *and* Penelope’s choices was Colin, he committed the ultimate sin of liking someone before Pen and that matters more to most of this fandom. Because, if most of us are truly honest, Colin doesn’t matter to this fandom other than as an extension of Pen. He is her prize and not his own worthy of development and complexity character.

P. S. If you don’t believe me, spend 2 minutes perusing the Ao3 page for Polin. How many stories are about Colin truly grappling with everything vs him being ‘punished’? And how often does that ‘punishment’ feature Marina cheating on/mistreating/abusing him but still focus mostly on Pen? Spoiler: it’s a huge chunk.

#polin #bridgerton #Colin does not matter to this fandom #and I will never stop banging on about that #because I am sick of being lied to #also #I see you #I see you Polin fandom #your exultion of the white guy Plot Device #vs the desperate and scared Black teenage girl #not the point of this post #but it always bugs me #Colin Bridgerton is his own character #and his pain and complexity deserve better

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soolarity · 2 years

Text

Out of Time

Five Hargreeves x gn!Reader - 8.7k words

Warnings: season 3 episode 4 spoilers, death, swearing, five breaking down

Summary: Five was familiar with the merciless pace time kept, and he could only run that far until his past and future catches up to him, threatening to break him into irreparable pieces.

Here's my Masterlist!

A/n: yeah, this is basically just a rewrite of episode 4 with added commission lore and a ton of angst<3 reader here is a former assassin of the commission who was partnered up with Five for the years he worked there. I also didn’t plan it to be this long my god- but the episode was really fun and I just loved the dynamic of Five meeting himself and how the reader could possibly alter or affect it. Enjoy and please leave comments<3

Cold. That was all you felt as you felt your atoms materialize into reality. It was akin to being dumped with a bucket of ice water, which wasn’t far off from falling face first into a pile of snow. You stumbled into the fresh snow, hitting the ground underneath with your knees as you quickly pulled yourself up to be greeted with a field of snow. You squinted your eyes, trying to shield them from the harsh merciless blizzard. Where the fuck were you?

Through the frigid air blowing through your hair and into your ears, you heard the soft crunch of snow behind you, two sets of feet, two people. You forced yourself to turn around and meet Five and Lila, the former clutching the suitcase disoriented.

Beside you, Five and Lila fell into the snow with as much grace as a newborn giraffe. Five opened his eyes to his surroundings and anger flooded his veins, a stark contrast to the cold snowflakes on his suit. He knew this was a bad idea, first getting electrocuted and losing the first suitcase and now teleporting to the middle of the arctic with the second? Not even to mention that he brought you into this entire mess, guaranteeing your death in this frozen wasteland.

“Oh, brilliant idea, Lila, welcome to the Ice Age!” Five exclaimed sarcastically, his hands motioned to the snow-capped trees in the distance.

Lila ignored Five and wrapped her olive-green jacket around her tighter to preserve warmth. She turned to lean over her shoulder, finding the grand commission building frozen and crumbling. The woman smiled a toothy grin at the sight of it, rejoicing that her plan worked.

Your own eyes trailed to follow her gaze, but instead of finding happiness at the organization that caused all three of you pain, your heart dropped to your feet as you stared at the sight in horror. The perpetually neutral sunshine was replaced with an unforgiving blizzard, tearing the Commission, your former home, apart by its seams.

“Five.” You mumbled in shock, eyes wide and unmoving.

The person in question immediately turned to you, wrapping his free arm around you to shield you from the cold, but you couldn’t bring your arms to return the embrace. Five mumbled your name in concern, he never should have brought you with him.

“Five, the Commission.” You repeated in the crook of his neck, eyes never leaving the building.

He reluctantly loosened his grasp around you to turn around and faced the Commission. “Shit.” He muttered quietly at the sight.

Alarm bells immediately rang in his mind at the state of the once timeless bubble that contained the Commission. He already had an inkling as to what could have caused the unending snow storm but held his tongue, afraid of drawing conclusions prematurely.

Lila skipped towards the building, not waiting for the two of you to end your little to catch up. Her boots crunched with her steps, leaving imprints in the previously perfect blanket of snow. She giggled childishly against the freezing blizzard.

You and Five weren’t far behind, approaching the commission with less enthusiasm and more dread. You tried your hardest to break your trance away from the Commission building, instead focusing on the footprints of Lila’s boots. Five adjusted the suitcase in his hand and kept an arm around you protectively not only from the storm but from the Commission and whatever ghosts were left to haunt you.

The broken halls of the Commission headquarters gave the three of you no shelter from the freezing temperatures. The shattered windows let in the cold draft and the tattered furniture made it look like a long-abandoned building, which might as well have been, time was fickle in the Commission bubble.

“Holy shit.” Lila muttered; eyes wide in amazement. She turned and took in the state of the place, curious of each tattered file and shattered debris in the room.

Your eyes trailed from the familiar spiral staircase to the star in the center of the floor, still in shock of the disarray. It was an empty husk of familiarity, blanketed by an unforgiving blanket of snow. Or perhaps the storm revealed the Commission’s true colors, as it was nothing but a cold and empty office, relentless on ‘protecting the timeline’. All your nostalgia clung on the 1950’s façade that eventually disappeared.

“I was just here. How long was I bloody gone?” Lila asked in disbelief.

Five sat the suitcase down and adjusted his watch. “It seems the grandfather paradox is affecting everything.”

“Even places out of time.” You murmured uneasily.

“The Commission was supposed to be in a perfect bubble outside of the time continuum. It would even survive the supposed 2019 and accidental 1963 apocalypse. But instead, it..” You paused.

“Went to shit.” Lila continued for you.

“Yeah.” Your voice was winded, almost struggling to get out another word.

“It should be impossible.” Lila said.

“We stopped tracking what was possible a long time ago.” Five smiled knowingly at you.

You mustered a small smile back to him. Your feelings lifted up slightly knowing how much you and Five had gone through and survived. Two whole apocalypses were quite an achievement, what’s a third one to add to the list?

Suddenly rubble fell from above, landing right in front as the three of you stepped back in shock. You winced in pain, chalking it up to a small chunk of cracked concrete hitting you. Debris filled the air once more, blending into Lila’s platinum white hair. Five took the suitcase in front, preventing it from being damaged by the broken tiles and cement. You tilted your head up towards the ceiling, noticing a large crack forming in the concrete and brick.

“We have to go before the building collapses any further.” You said with urgency.

“You’re right, let’s go check the Infinite Switchboard.” Five moved towards the central stairs leading to the second floor.

“And I'll check Herb's office. Little cockroach would survive anything.” Lila said, distantly recalling the short man and his stubbornly bright attitude and perseverance.

You wringed your hands together nervously and shuffled towards Lila. “I’ll go with Lila and check on the others.”

“What? No, we should stick together,” Five argued. “Who knows what will happen in this building.”

“I can protect myself, Five. I wasn’t your partner for 5 years just for you to protect me like a porcelain doll.” You retorted. “Besides, Lila will be there.”

“Not for long if you two will keep this up.” Lila said bluntly. “I can’t handle your bickering any longer, I’m going ahead.”

You and Five watched as she disappeared into the Commission hallway, her boots softly echoing against the rubble.

“There’s nothing left here anymore,” Five pleaded your name, “The kugelblitz most likely destroyed everything already.”

Your brows knitted together at his words. A part of you was in denial, like you were expecting to see your friends and co-workers under the rubble, shaken up but safe and alive. But you knew he was right, just the state of the Commission building screamed abandoned for years. Yet the part that screamed that your friends were smart enough to survive the wreckage was stronger.

“I need to go Five, at least I’ll have closure that they’re actually gone.”

Five still looked reluctant to let you out of his sight. He knew that you were capable of defending yourself, he was familiar with your fighting skills after the years of working together under the now broken Commission and the years after, running to solve apocalypse after apocalypse, but no matter how skilled any person was, you couldn’t fight the unpredictable effects of the apocalypse. Five was terrified that even a minute away from you could tear you away from him without hesitation.

He searched in your eyes for any hint of doubt but found nothing except for a stubborn plea. Five sighed in defeat and decided against his better judgement to trust you. It’s what you deserved instead of being towed with him against your will. He knew how much the Commission and the people in it meant to you despite working with him against it to prevent the apocalypse. It’s what you needed.

“Fine.” He softly agreed. “But be quick and come immediately back to me to the Infinite Switchboard.”

You smiled at Five but he watched as it didn’t reach your eyes. You were thankful for Five understanding your mixed emotions for the ruined Commission even though you haven’t fully grasped it yourself.

“I won’t be gone longer than 5 minutes tops.” You said casually, trying to ease his concern.

You headed towards the same doorway Lila walked through. “See you.” You said, looking at Five one last time before finally entering the office corridor.

Five watched you turn and disappear from the first two steps of the staircase. He could already taste the oncoming regret. Every cell in his body screamed to run after her and forget the reason why they were here in the first place, but he fought to keep his feet planted and to trust you. Five raked his free hand through his hair in distress and exhaled.

His mind’s first instinct is to calculate the intervals of the kugelblitz waves through a period of time. It wasn’t sporadic, it had a rhythm of every few hours with the latest being at a 10-hour interval. You had to have ample enough time to come back to him and return together back to the hotel. Five ignored the nagging voice in his head that it could be a fluke and the waves in this location would arrive faster than usual. He ignored the urge to sprint away from the staircase.

He put his faith into the universe, and subsequently the paradox, and ascended up the staircase.

You stumbled through the collapsed table in the hallway and followed the noise of Lila’s footsteps. Almost tripping on a piece of debris, you called out to her.

“Lila, wait!”

Lila, a bit farther ahead, turned around and saw you make your way through the corridor. “Oh great,” She said with not as much sarcasm as you expected, “Thought that little shit would cling on to you forever.”

You furrowed your brows at her insult at Five. “He trusts me enough to let go for a few minutes at least.”

The two of you continued walking once you finally reached where Lila was. “Although he usually isn’t this clingy, or at least doesn’t like to admit it in front of others.” You trailed off, questioning his odd behavior recently.

“How do you even deal with that grumpy menace?” Lila asked you.

You shrugged in reply. “After a few years you learn to tolerate him.”

Tolerate was an understatement for what you felt for Five. Although you never said it outright, you knew that you had created a deep bond with him and you trusted him with all your being, just as much as he trusted you. You learned his quirks and flaws and your admiration and affection grew further despite the tumultuous journey to save the world over and over, and over again.

Lila grimaced at your smile and love-stricken expression, visibly shivering in disgust at the idea of love, especially with a nutcase like Five. But inside, a small part of her being ached at the notion of loving someone. She wondered if Diego smiled like that thinking about her, despite all the times she lied and ran away out of fear. Lila wondered if love is what made her return so quickly to Diego with a child, despite having all of time at the flick of a suitcase.

After rifling through Herb’s office which was the Handler’s previous, you and Lila concluded that there was nothing except for scattered paper and even more debris. There wasn’t even anything missing or out of place, it was unlikely that Herb ran away without taking at least something from his office.

“You found anything?” Lila asked you while crouching over a fallen bookshelf, keeping an eye out for any suspicious hints to the disappearance of the entire Commission staff or possibly a short man hidden under the bookshelf.

“Nope.” You plainly stated while rifling through the drawers of his desk.

You pulled the lowest drawer open, revealing a stack of papers protected against the harsh blizzard in the Commission and a small black velvet box nestled in the left corner. You pried it open and revealed a delicate diamond ring glimmering in the dim light from outside.

“Fuck.” You muttered.

You knew what this was. It wasn’t a secret that Dot and Herb harbored feelings for each other, even in the earliest phase of them pining for the other made its rounds in the cafeteria gossip. You assumed after the revolution and the restructuring of the Commission board that they had gotten together.

You still remembered the aftermath of the fight in Sissy’s farm in ’63 when Dot and Herb arrived hand in hand to announce to you and Five that they would be taking over the Commission. You recalled the beaming smile the both of them gave you and how proud you felt for them. It was an amusing parallel, two pairs formed by the Commission one way or another. Your heart dropped to your stomach as you clutched the box in your hand. He must have wanted to take it the next step before the kugelblitz arrived.

Lila’s head perked up from the pile of fallen books. “What did you find?”

You wordlessly showed her the diamond ring and Lila’s face fell, presumably thinking the same thing as you.

“Oh.” She said as she stood up an approached you. Lila’s expression was uncharacteristically hesitant and solemn.

“Who’d you think it’s for?” She asked.

You looked at her in confusion. “You haven’t heard of Dot and Herb?”

Lila shook her head, her short platinum hair swishing. “Nope, never been the one for office gossip.”

You nodded, suddenly remembering how the Handler forced her to hide inconspicuously among the other Commission employees as her spy. “Right.”

“Well, let’s head up and ask Five if he found anything, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s here.” Lila made her way back out of the office.

You hesitated; you didn’t know why. “Uh, I just have one thing to check on. You know, might find my old gun here or something.”

Lila raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re gonna shoot someone?”

“It’s better to be safe than sorry.” You shrugged. “I swear I won’t take long; I’ll be right behind you.”

Lila reluctantly walked through the busted office door, still not fully convinced by your words. “You sure Five won’t chop my head off for leaving you out of sight?”

“He won’t chop your head off,” You scoffed, “He has nothing to chop it with. The worst he could do is break your neck.”

“Y’know he almost did crush my windpipe once.” Lila pointed at you, recalling their fight in a warehouse in 1963.

You laughed, shaking your head in amusement. “Sounds like him. Tell me all about your fight once we’re out of this shithole.”

“You could say that again.” Lila muttered, looking at the decrepit state of the place.

Lila made her way through the corridor, hopping over the broken table once more. In the distance she shouted, “Miss ya!”

You rolled your eyes at her antics but decided to play into it. “Miss you too! Even though I’ll literally be there in a few minutes.”

You could hear Lila’s laugh echo in the distance, somehow making the Commission brighter through it, almost like an image of what it used to be.

You shook your head at the thought, nostalgia would just get you distracted. You sighed and closed the ring box, pocketing it in your pants. You didn’t know why you took it, but it felt wrong to leave it to crumble along with the rest of the office. You wanted to find out more about the office, maybe discover a remnant of Dot and bring it together with the ring as a sort of memorial of them. It was the least you could do for your friends.

Upstairs, Five fumbled with the knobs of the Infinite Switchboard, trying to make the grey screen function. He tapped the glass screen before flipping a few switches. “That’s good.” Five muttered to himself.

Suddenly, the grey screen warbled to a visible video of Herb talking to the camera, clearly in distress. Five’s eyes widened at the sight of the man clearly in a panic, mouth slightly agape.

“There's been a rip in the space-time continuum. It's swallowing everything.” Herb quaked. “Oh, my sweet Dot, Iris, Josh from accounting, they're all gone!”

Five turned a knob, speeding the video recording forward. He skipped parts to frantically find out more about the paradox. Herb’s voice distorted in a sped-up pace before stopping again.

“I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do. The timeline is collapsing.” Herb frantically stated.

In the distance, screams from other Commission employees were heard and the screens of the past Infinite Switchboard in the background sparked and flickered.

“This is… the end.” Herb quietly said, accepting his fate, before being taken by the kugelblitz.

Five watched in horror as the cells of Herb were seemingly stripped away by the kugelblitz wave, leaving nothing of the man behind. As the recording flickered, showing only the Infinite Switchboard of the past ablaze, Five’s eyes flicked downwards solemnly to the controls that Herb used to leave one last message, jaw clenched briefly.

“I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now.” Lila thought verbally while entering the room, unknowingly cutting through Five’s mourning.

“This is bigger than the timeline, Lila.” Five shoved his hands in his pockets as he stared at the screen.

Lila looked at the grey screen alongside him, curious to what he witnessed that made him so on edge, but instead static greeted her eyes.

“What’s bigger than the timeline?” She asked, looking back at him.

“The entire universe. The grandfather paradox is collapsing in on the entire universe.” Five stated plainly.

“The missing dogs, missing people…” He trailed off. Five’s eyes flickered to the empty space beside Lila, where you were supposed to be.

“Where are they?” Five asked abruptly, glaring at Lila who looked back at him confused.

“They said they just had something to get downstairs.” Lila shrugged nonchalantly which fueled Five’s anger even more.

“You left them alone?!” Five shouted, fully panicked and furious at this point.

“Why are you so pressed about leaving them alone for a second?!” Lila shouted back in defense. “It’s like you’ll explode if you’re not in a six-centimeter radius near them!”

Five ran a hand through his face in frustration. “Lila you don’t fucking get it.” He emphasized sharply.

“Get what?! They’re their own fucking person. You don’t get to order them around!”

“Lila, use your brain for one fucking moment and think! Everyone has been disappearing because of the kugelblitz. Every living animal and human in the whole goddamn universe except for us and them.”

“Yeah and? Get to the point!” Lila frustratedly shouted.

“The only difference we have from others is that we have powers, and something that makes those powers tick. We are one of the last people to survive the kugelblitz waves because we have something in us that gives a temporary immunity to the kugelblitz but they don’t! They’re a regular human and I’ve been biding my time trying to figure out how to save them from it!”

Lila scoffed in disbelief at his rant, she knew he had more than a few screws loose but didn’t expect it to be this severe, he might even be crazier than herself. “You’re insane.” She laughed.

“I’m not!” Five scrambled to get the suitcase. “And if I was then- then it would be fine and they’d be here,” He stumbled over words in a panic, “If I wasn’t then I’d lose them.”

Five’s face paled at his own words as Lila watched his ramblings hesitantly. His chest tightened at the thought of losing you, a familiar feeling he hasn’t felt since the first apocalypse, when he watched the Meritech laboratory blow up. He fought the urge to gasp for air in his lungs. He couldn’t drown in his thoughts right now, so he clung to the chance of catching you fast enough before the kugelblitz could.

“I have to go.” Five ran out of the room, leaving the suitcase and Lila standing in the middle of the Infinite Switchboard.

Lila huffed and looked around in disbelief. She couldn’t understand why he was that frantic to always keep you in eyesight at all times. Sure, there were a few missing animals here and there but no one had gone missing yet under her radar except for the entire Commission, which was a whole different can of worms. Okay, maybe he was slightly correct, but it was still weird.

Lila shook her head and searched for clues on the grandfather paradox. A thick light blue and gold embossed book caught her brown eyes. The master handbook. She opened the heavy book and quickly flipped through the pages, searching for any protocol for the grandfather paradox.

‘In the unlikely case of the grandfather paradox, the founder and any essential personnel should be immediately remanded to the operations bunker.’

Bingo. The bunker was the best chance she had to finding more answers to the never-ending questions. But the founder? Lila furrowed her brows at the mysterious founder, whoever they were. In the years she grew up and worked in the Commission, never once had she heard of a founder of any kind.

Her confusion was interrupted as the room and the Commission building shook. Debris from the ceiling fell onto Lila as the last screen of the Infinite Switchboard flickered into static and finally shut down. Lila ducked at the rumble, using the heavy handbook to protect her from the chips of concrete falling. She didn’t have much time left.

Lila slammed the book shut and decided to run after Five to tell him about the secret bunker and the biggest clue they had yet. If the founder was that well-hidden to nearly everyone in the Commission, then there was a high likelihood that they had secrets and answers valuable enough to be protected in a secret bunker, hopefully the answers to solving the paradox.

You carefully treaded the uneven terrain, stepping over scattered files and broken chairs until you reached the case management office. Although you worked as a field agent for the Commission, you were familiar with the case management department and the people inside of it. You worked closely with them, executing their decisions in unison to protect what was once your one and only goal, to protect the timeline.

After the revelation that the Commission wanted the 2019 apocalypse to happen, subsequently ordering the deaths of everyone on Earth, your friendship with the case management people and your friend Dot specifically took a turn for the worse. You couldn’t believe that they could sit back and watch the world explode with not even an ounce of guilt in the conscience. It was as if they were oblivious to the apocalypse which they obviously weren’t, seeing as how Dot directly managed apocalypse affairs.

You hated how you worked for the Commission for countless of years as a mindless soldier, unaware of the end goal until Five’s arrival turned your entire worldview upside down. You simply wanted to bond with a colleague but the downtime in between missions led to stories of his experience in the apocalypse. You remember the haunted look in his eyes when he recalled the burnt orange sky and the perpetual dust that clung in the air. You heard about how as a child he discovered the endless corpses of his family members, friends, and even strangers that went on with their lives, unaware that it would all end in a single day with the Commission watching behind the curtains.

You wanted to change the Commission, to work against the monotonous flow of the rigid protocols and maybe build a future that went beyond 2019, a continuous timeline that wasn’t constricted by the Commission’s rigid rules and protocols, where Five’s family could live on and grow old. You naively dreamed of growing old years past 2019, with no apocalypses to fear, only warm coffee and your partner beside you.

That was your motivation when you joined Diego and Lila back to the Commission, and soon enough a coup d'état was staged. All it took was Diego’s stubbornness and your knowledge on the other employees to strike a match in the gasoline. The people were sick of the budget cuts from the previous board, and the Handler’s iron-first grip after the board was mysteriously assassinated broke their patience. You thought the war in Sissy’s farm could be the turning point of the Commission to become better, you were even open to talk to Herb for plans in preventing the 2019 apocalypse, but what had been probably months of recovery and preparation here in the Commission, had only been a few days for you before another apocalypse nipped at your heels. The Hargreeves family was far too intertwined with the timeline to the point of bringing chaos wherever they went. They were the apocalypse every time.

Yet why were you here? You asked yourself as you sat on a desk that didn’t collapse under the rubble, the black velvet box sitting next to you as accompaniment. You felt like you betrayed the Commission despite the atrocities they made you do. You abandoned them in the hopes of solving the end of the world, unknowingly becoming friends with the apocalypse themselves.

You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to blame the Hargreeves family for the catastrophes, just as much as you couldn’t bring yourself to hate the Commission for letting it happen, it was a tragic cycle you were stuck on, like a never-ending carousel. It costed you your home, your friends, and your identity to forge a new one with a new set of family and a new home. All you could do now is to try your best to survive another.

Something silver caught your eye while you fiddled with your hands in thought. It was faint and covered in dust but as you brushed it away you realized it was the broken frame of Dot’s glasses. It always suited her along with her pearl earrings and uniform. You imagined her wearing it with the silver ring, grinning happily with Herb as they announce their engagement to the office.

The image of Herb and Dot being so happy broke the dam you’ve been trying the hardest to keep sealed. The past week of trying to stop the first apocalypse and the two months trying to survive with Diego in Dallas felt suffocating in the destroyed office. What felt like years of grief and sadness and anger at it all burst all at once at the sight of your best friend’s crooked glasses. You couldn’t stop the tears as you finally crumbled in exhaustion and grief, crying for what could have been and what wasn’t supposed to happen.

Rubble fell as the building shook again, seemingly even stronger than before. Dust covered your hunched back as you keeled in agony over the friends you lost. You couldn’t bring yourself to care over the way the ceiling cracked over you, too rooted in grief to move. Not once in the months you have been running from the apocalypse have you had the chance to feel what was actually happening to you and now that it all came out you didn’t know how to stop it.

Five vaulted over the rubble the best he could, teleporting short distances to run to wherever you were. The ground shook below him but he couldn’t let himself become unsteady for even a moment, too preoccupied to find you. In the disarray, a curled-up figure caught his eyes before he could run past the office room. It was you in the wreck that was the case management office.

Five shouted your name, panic and concern filling his voice. He watched you glance up at him, eyes wet with tears that tore his heart out painfully. He was in agony watching you drown in emotions you should have felt a long time ago.

Five croaked out your name once more, his resolve crumbling like the walls of the building. “We have to go!”

Five witnessed your being melt into nothingness, eyes unblinking. He helplessly watched you fade as the paradox mercilessly tore away at your core until nothing was left. His mind yelled at him to move even an inch, to run and pull you away from the invisible force that swallowed every other living being whole. His cells screamed at him to turn back time and cheat death, defy life for you. They didn’t care if it would’ve burned his powers up, it would’ve been a measly sacrifice for you.

Yet it didn’t matter as you were already gone. He had space and time at the tips of his fingers and let it slip. In a blink of his glassy green eyes, there was nothing left except a black velvet box and the empty space where you once were. The paradox was even cruel enough to leave your warmth linger to mock Five.

As the shaking of the building came to a halt, dust settled around Five’s form. He couldn’t bring himself to move, the same grief that held you in place slowly crept to his ankles, holding him like ivy.

“Five!” Lila’s voice echoed in the distance. She saw a silhouette standing at the doorway to the torn case management office and ran to the familiar figure. “Five I found where to get answers!”

As Lila approached him, she noticed the haunted look in his eyes as he stared at the empty room. “Five, where are they?”

She glanced around nervously again, hoping to see you rummaging in the corner while Five waits. “They’re gone.” He states hollowly.

Lila almost smiles in disbelief, an ill-fitting habit she formed when faced with seriousness. “What do you mean..? She went to another room?”

The trance that Five was in finally cracked as he turned to her, expression blank but eyes nearly spilling over. “I meant that I was right and the kugelblitz took them and,” He choked up for a moment, “They’re gone.” His voice weakened at the words.

He turned lean on the wall of the room, tempted to spiral then and there into the hurricane of grief and misery that had been chasing him for a long time. “They’re gone and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

He cursed as he roughly wiped a tear with his sleeve. He cursed as he allowed himself to crack in front of Lila. He cursed as he felt himself crumble in hopelessness and despair like all those years ago in a wasted apocalypse.

Lila’s eyes widened as she saw him exhibit more emotion than he had in the short but hectic times she spent with him. She internally panicked, knowing that emotional comfort and empathy weren’t either of their strong suits.

“Five, are you—” She asks before stopping herself to continue any further. It was a dumb question to ask if he was alright when he most certainly wasn’t.

Walls were built up again behind his green eyes, made of fragile stone that he mustered to carry. He couldn’t afford to waste time to cry and give up with the limited amount they had, as much as he wanted to.

“Did you find anything?” He asked, voice void of emotion, brushing off the moment ago like a speck of dust on his shoulder.

Five approached the desk, his hand hesitating for a moment over the small box, before wordlessly placing it in his jacket. He didn’t know why exactly he pocketed the unfamiliar box, but he needed something to ground himself to the fact that you were gone, that if he turned around to ask you a question you wouldn’t be there. He couldn’t handle his mind to shatter his expectations again and again, so he did what he knew to do and anchored himself to the only thing you left behind.

Lila opened her mouth, wanting to ask about the incident earlier, but eventually decided against it. She didn’t know how or where to start, so she decided to shove it away for later, just as Five did. “We need to find the operations bunker containing the founder of the Commission. They’re the one to most likely have the answers we need.”

Lila and Five ascended up the staircase, the latter flipping through the master handbook. Five skimmed through the words but the more he read about pointless protocols, the more he hated the entire Commission.

“Don’t bother, it’s all just bureaucratic bullshit.” Lila drawled, hands brushing the blue staircase.

“You know, Lila, I shouldn't even be here. I was… We were out.” Five solemnly said, slamming the book shut.

“And yet here I am, alone.”

“Hey!” Lila shouted indignantly at the word, slightly offended that he wouldn’t count her.

Five laughed bitterly. “The Commission always wanted the upper hand, targeting my every weakness, even in its very last hours.”

The woman raised a brow at his wording. “You consider them a weakness?”

“Love is a weakness, Lila. It makes empires and the strongest men fall. That’s why people like us fear from it, run away from it.”

Five didn’t know why he suddenly felt the urge to admit the truth, maybe it was his weariness from keeping any and every emotion locked in a chest in the deepest parts of his being, maybe it was the limited time of the apocalypse. Whatever it was, he simply accepted it, too tired to fight it.

Five scratched his neck awkwardly, suddenly feeling an itchiness throughout his body. “Why can't I just escape this hellhole?” He complained, grimacing at the wrecked observatory.

Lila looked at him with a seriousness that unnerved him, as if she was staring at his soul with ease. “Because you love it. You love them.”

“Face it, Five, all that the time you’ve been running from apocalypses, you’ve also been running from them, until it was too late—”

Five interrupted Lila, “Like how you’ve been running away from Diego?” He bit back.

Lila glared at Five, irritated that he would bring up her and Diego’s complicated relationship, if it could be even called that.

“All I wanted was to retire with them. After I fixed this mess, I could finally sit down and rest, but now that they’re gone, I don’t know what I want anymore.”

Lila sighed, leaning against a railing of the observatory. “I guess it isn’t in the cards for people like us to, y’know, stop running.”

“It could be.” Five placed his hands in his pockets, leaning back on his heals.

“What do you mean?” Lila raised a brow at Five.

“Don’t run away from him, Lila.”

As much as Five showed how much he was irritated by his siblings, he knew that his only driving force in stopping the apocalypse in the first place was you and now just his family. Five constantly gave snide remarks and sarcastic comments but with another apocalypse nipping at his weary feet, he gave into the urge of helping his family be happy despite the limited time of the apocalypse. At least they could still have time together, no matter how short.

The woman scoffed at Five’s words, taken aback by how uncharacteristically sincere the old man was. “Don’t tell me what to do grandpa. I’m not cut out for retirement like you, I’ll never be.”

Five simply gave an unimpressed look at Lila’s weak rebuttal. “Listen kid, whatever denial shit you’re trying to do won’t work. We only have a few days before we all die from this fucking paradox.” Five tiredly said.

The man sighed and pinched his nose bridge before heading to the door. “Note to never fucking try to be nice and help others again.”

Lila followed him, holding the door open before Five slammed it in front of her. “That was you trying to be nice?” She asked incredulously.

The two walked through a darker corridor, the light of the open observatory slowly fading behind them.

“You could really work on, like, the way you speak.” Lila stated bluntly.

“I mean, maybe it's a tone thing? Maybe try to change your tone? Because that was a really pathetic attempt to being nice.” Lila emphasized the last word.

Five looked unimpressed at her ramblings and attempts to discard the topic of her running away from Diego.

“I'm just saying it's something you can work on, you know? Take some classes, counselling, for the future in your retirement.” Lila shrugged.

“I’m glad you’re still concerned about my future retirement.” Five smiled bittersweetly.

Lila grimaced at Five’s saccharine smile. “Yup, you also gotta work on your smile.”

“That was out of sarcasm you idiot.” Five scowled at Lila before his eyes flitted to the front, catching the faint label of the operations bunker in dim lights.

Lila caught his line of vision and spotted the door placed ominously at the very end of the hallway, as if knowing it was the end goal of the two. She raised her brows in surprise, slightly unnerved at what could meet them behind the door.

“Well, here we are.” Lila muttered, before looking beside her and noticing Five already approaching it. She lightly jogged the distance between them as Five opened up the door to reveal a narrower hallway with brick walls.

“Exsqueeze me.” Lila pushed through Five, eager to view the operations bunker first.

“You're excused.” Five let go of the metal door, moving to the side in irritation of the god-awful itch he was suddenly having.

Lila approached the almost vault-like entrance, mumbling the name under her breath. She spotted the circular glass screen in front of the entrance. It seemed to be an eye-scanner. Harmlessly, she leaned into the screen, letting the device scan her eyes before huffing as the alarm buzzed in decline, ‘unauthorized access’.

“We’re screwed.”

Lila turned to look at Five frantically itching himself. His once pristine hair was in disarray, sticking onto his forehead with sweat. “Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?”

Five didn’t respond, cogs whirring in his mind as he recognized the familiar symptoms that he had experienced before. It was paradox psychosis. He, or a version of himself, was in the same vicinity, possibly even through that very vault.

He approached the screen cautiously, letting the scanner whirr before granting access to Lila and Five to the bunker.

“I guess you're essential personnel.” Lila commented, dejected at the fact that never once did the Handler tell her about the bunker, nor did she make her own daughter essential personnel.

As the heavy metal door slid open, a medical contraption laid in the center of a room covered in padded white walls and illuminated in a futuristic way. To the near left corner were two round chairs and a coffee table holding various glasses of liquor and a small worn-out box in the center, the edges frayed by age. Five reached into his pocket and touched the box he currently had, staring at the one on the table in suspicion. He laid the thick handbook on the glass coffee table next to the box, taking one more look at it before approaching the metal contraption in the middle and the man it contained.

“Wow.” Lila chuckled at the sight of the founder all old and frail. She didn’t know what to expect of someone who created an organization like the Commission, but her expectations were definitely defied as she stared him down.

The soft noise of the machine and the founder’s breathing echoed through the room. “That's him, huh? The founder.” Five stated, acknowledging the man that created the organization that made his life a living hell.

“Looks like tinned beef. I was expecting more man and less,” Lila patted the edge of the contraption, “can.”

As Five approached closer, the more clues clicked into place in his mind. The uncontrollable itching and sweating in front of the vault, the paranoia he felt ever since he stepped foot in the ruined Commission, the familiar box on top of the coffee table. The founder’s green eyes and those familiar features warped in age was only the final nail in the coffin.

“It can't be.” Five breathed out in disbelief.

“What's wrong?” Lila asked.

“It’s me.”

Lila burst out in laughter, keeling over the machine as she giggled at the hilarity of it all. She had the privilege of witnessing first hand a tragic comedy. “No way!”

“This whole time you've been complaining about the Commission, and you're the one who founded it. Classic!” Lila exclaimed through her laughing fit.

“If I did, I have no memory of it.” Five stressed, glaring at his future self.

“What are the odds.” Lila said amused, “This whole time you’ve been complaining and fighting against the company that you founded.”

Lila crossed her hands in contemplation. “It’s also kinda sad really, seeing as the company you created technically killed them.”

The founder perked up at the mention of you, his eyes moving to Five and Lila instead of the blindingly white ceiling. “The kugelblitz took them.” He faintly murmured.

“What?” Five leaned closer to his head, listening to whatever the properly old man wanted to say.

“There was nothing I could do. I’ve made peace with that.”

Five gritted his teeth at the founder’s words. Rage filled him at the idea of even moving on from you. How dare he even think that it was all that he could do. How dare he settle for it and continue living without guilt.

“You know nothing!” Five seethed at his future self.

“I do, I’m your future.” The founder responded back.

Five felt nothing but burning rage at his future self, no itchiness, no paranoia, no increased sweating. All he felt was rage and confusion and disappointment at himself and his future.

“How is this even possible?” Five asked him.

“The operations bunker is paradox-proof,” The founder wheezed. “I constructed it as a panic room in case of a collapse in the time continuum. In this room, all permutations of yourself can exist.”

Five looked around the bunker, taking note of the white panels and the smoke coming out of ventilation above.

“You must be here because of a kugelblitz.” The founder continued.

Lila looked the founder in a questioning manner. “Lightning ball in German?”

Five answered for himself, “It's an extra kinky kind of black hole. The kind that can suck up entire timelines.”

“Bingo.” The founder replied.

Lila grimaced at the founder replying back to Five in a weird doppelgänger brain wave unison that she wasn’t privy to. “So, how do we fix it?” She asked the both of them with arms crossed.

The founder let out a raspy chuckle before dissolving into a coughing fit. “You don’t.” He wheezed.

“You created all of this, this company, this bunker. You’re clearly some sort of future version of myself so you must know the answer.” Five stressed, glaring in anger at the founder.

He coughed in reply, struggling to breathe even through the whirring apparatus. The founder struggled through his coughs to speak. “All that will be left is oblivion.”

“Oblivion?” Lila asks the founder, leaning on the edge of the machine once he didn’t respond.

Her hands suddenly pushed the locks open, causing the bed that the founder laid on to slide out. The old man struggled to breathe even more after being exposed to the air outside of the machine. Five and Lila noticed the missing limb of the founder and the strange tattoo he had on his chest.

“This is what you have coming.”

“Listen to me, you ass,” Five seethed, leaning over his future-self’s head, “I just spent the last 20 days running around, saving the world from apocalypses, only keep trying to save the world.”

“Now I’ve lost the most important person in my life in an attempt to solve another apocalypse and you tell me this?!” Five’s voice escalated to a shout.

“You’re tell me I couldn’t have done anything for them?! We have powers, I can bend time at will! Yet you attempted nothing.”

The lines between Five and his future-self blurred as he could feel his anger slip away from his grasp. He couldn’t tell anymore where he ended and where the founder began. Maybe they were both the same person, simply himself screaming in an echo-chamber of blame, self-loathing, and grief.

“Take it easy on him, Five.” Lila placed a cautious hand on him, afraid he might cause himself—the founder, a heart attack.

Five shrugged Lila’s hand off. “Lila, this is between me and myself,” He angrily pointed at the founder, “so stay out of it.”

“This kugelblitz isn’t just something our family can escape out of in the nick of time, It is a giant trash compactor which is grinding up the universe, every single timeline, until nothing is left.”

“So, tell me how to stop it!” Five shouted at himself, knuckles turning white as he gripped the railings of the bed in fury.

The faint whirring of the machine picked up as the founder gasped for breath, “Whatever you do,” He choked, “Don’t save the world.”

The heart monitor beat faster and faster until it finally gave out, echoing a resounding ‘beep’ throughout the bunker. The founder’s eyes fluttered shut as he finally left existence. Somewhere in the fall from life to death, he is greeted by an open sea, warm sand, and you, a version of you. As he lifted his arms to embrace death, he had no regrets, he could finally just be.

In the reality that slowly crumbled from the pressure of the paradox, Five watched in horror, panic, and a sliver of envy as he died. He left himself with more questions and more problems than he could possibly carry, already buckling under the weight of losing you and potentially losing his entire family.

“Five!” He exclaimed, hoping that the sheer urgency and fury in his voice would wake him back up. His voice betrayed him by cracking in grief as he witnessed another death today.

Lila put a finger to the neck of the man, searching around for a pulse that already faded. “He’s dead Five.” She stated.

Five closed his eyes and took a deep breath, tightening the metaphorical reins around his emotions further. He just needed to control it for a second more, just a second.

“Can I have the room?” Five quietly asked Lila.

She shook her head reluctantly in reply, “I don't think I should leave you two alone.” Lila knew that whatever emotional state Five was in was at a tipping point. Although he was rational and cold, almost to the point of psychopathy, every man had a limit, and she did not want to test out Five’s.

“Lila, I need the room.” Five begged, head hung low in defeat.

Lila looked at him one more time before stepping out of the bunker. Five was stubborn in his beliefs and action. Maybe she could afford to trust him a little bit and give him some space. If worst came to worst, the suitcase was still outside waiting for her.

Five sighed as he stared at the founder, his peaceful expression staring back at him like a warped mirror. Was this really his future? Was this his last apocalypse? Did he even want to end up here, dependent on machinery and this hollow empty bunker? Maybe he went mad somewhere in the future, maybe he ready went mad with the unlucky hand of cards god gave him.

Five felt ready to collapse in a heap, crumbling to the point of dust and ash just like humanity in the first apocalypse he saw, but his feet betrayed there as he still stood. He was cursed with near-immortality, fated to witness everyone he loves die in his hands before he dies with no one but himself and Lila in an empty bunker.

A part of Five wanted to fight back with the eagerness of 13-year-old him sprinting to the future. He wanted to recklessly defy any orders elderly gave him and reach for the endless skies, uncaring to whatever repercussions it might bring. He wanted to try and run through time and space, blissfully unaware that he’d never come back unscathed for dinner. He wanted to save the world again for his family, for you.

Another part of Five was so, so tired. With the weariness of a 58-year-old man he wanted nothing but to lie down and rest. He felt like Atlas, forced to carry the weight of the world on his weary shoulders. As blisters formed on his feet and dents formed on his shoulders, he wanted nothing more than to stop running, stop moving, and finally collapse. He couldn’t care less if his end was graceful or not, all he wanted was silence from the world and from himself. He wanted to be selfish for once and finally rest.

Two parts of himself fought in Five’s inner turmoil, almost tearing him apart. He could feel himself slipping away and falling back to his own personal hell, an exact recreation of the apocalypse 45 years ago made by his own mind. The ash almost felt suffocating as his naïve lungs inhaled the smoke in a panic. The concrete felt harsh on his uncalloused hands as he dug through the ruins of his home.

Five didn’t realize he was moving until his back hit the wall. The soft impact on his back grounded a segment of him but it wasn’t enough, his hands still clambered through his jacket. He gasped and focused on the square tile of the wall in front of him, quickly discarding his jacket and loosening his tie to breathe. He focused on the dents of the panel that were painted in white, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth.

He discarded all of his thoughts, clinging onto the white paneled wall, until the box that was in his jacket hit the floor in a clatter. He forced himself to look away from the wall and look at the box on the floor. It wasn’t covered in soot and rubble, it was fine. He was fine.

He kneeled over and picked up the box, gently tracing the soft velvet edges of the last thing you left him with. He rolled it with his hands, inspecting the front and back of it. Five had never seen it with you before and deducted that it must have been something you found in the ruins of the commission. Five gently pried it open, revealing the glimmering silver ring nestled inside, protected from the harm of the universe collapsing in on itself.

The shining reflection of the diamond ring lit something inside of him, perhaps an ember of perseverance, and as much as a part of him wanted to give up, he raised his tired arms to protect the ember to let it become a flame, it didn’t matter if it would burn through him.

He flipped the box shut before approaching the founder with a new-found determination.

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