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talesofesther · 3 months

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when the world sleeps | the stitches

Astarion Ancunin x Reader

Summary: Small tales of private and precious moments shared with Astarion, when the world still sleeps.

Today's tale: You're trying to stitch back together your shirt, Astarion must intervene to save the day.

A/N: A collection of little stories that will be released sporadically, in no particular order. A place for me to store all the sweet little ideas that lurk in my mind about this darling pale elf. Feel free to send requests for any moments you'd like to see. <3

Masterlist

It was an accident. A split second of distraction that got the blade of your enemy slashing into you. It cut through more cloth than skin, you didn't even need a healing potion. But it was your favorite shirt.

You've never been very adept with the needle and thread. Having lived your whole life with the privileges that rested inside your family's estate back in the city, you didn't have much need to mend your own clothes back together whenever they tore apart.

And now you were paying the price for the unlearned skill.

The night was quiet, most of your companions had already retired for the night. Yet you sat crosslegged on a large pillow in your tent, soft candlelight illuminating just enough so you wouldn't prick your fingers.

Scratch insisted on laying beside you, his soft white fur warm as it rested against your leg.

The silence of the night was most welcome, when the days were as hectic as they have been lately.

As you passed the thread through the fabric of your shirt, needle piercing it quite clumsily, you couldn't help but think the stitches looked too far from each other. Or could it be too close? Should it vary depending on the thickness of the fabric?

"Darling?"

You jumped at the sudden voice—soft as it may have been—yanking the needle back and not piercing your thumb only by an inch. You cursed under your breath.

"What in the hells are you doing?" Astarion's choice of words sounded strange in the tender tone of voice he used.

You looked up to see him staring down at you with a confused frown on his eyebrows. The flickering fire of the candles coming from beside you kissed his features ever so faintly, making him seem like the remains of a dream. Dark red eyes, silver hair that reminded you of stardust. What a goner you were. And to think he chose you, too; if anything to warm his bed on cold nights.

"I'm… mending my shirt," you shrugged, with a sheepish smile on your lips, briefly lifting the shirt and needle in your hands.

Astarion opened his mouth only to close it again. He blinked, and shook his head. "You're doing anything but that." He stated, a little exasperated. "Have you ever done this before?"

You shifted your gaze from him, to the shirt on your hands, and back to him. "… Not really, no."

Astarion scoffed, "Well, clearly not."

"Come on it's not that bad." You raised a brow, finding his indignation at your lack of skills rather amusing.

"Not that bad? That thing is gonna tear itself apart with the first movement of your arms." Astarion gestured wildly as if you'd personally offended him, and started walking to the other side of you that wasn't occupied by Scratch. "Move over," he simply said.

You shuffled to the side a little, giving him space on the fluffy pillow beneath you. It was a tight fit as he sat down, his thigh flush with yours.

"Hand it over." Astarion wiggled his fingers and you did so quietly, handing him your shirt along with the needle and thread.

He mumbled something about basic skills and how you'd be lost without him. You didn't pay much mind to it, instead, you were rather enraptured by the way his fingers worked; precise, gentle, and deftly, with not a single wrong movement as the fabric of your shirt molded between the digits. He sews the pieces together from the inside, the needle hardly piercing, more like caressing its way through. It was evident he had done it many, many times before.

You inched closer, and you only realized you had done so when Astarion's movements halted. Needle hovering in the air as his shoulders tensed. His lips pursed when his throat worked through a gulp. You followed the motion, breath fanning over the skin of his neck, you were almost certain you'd seen goosebumps there.

It was a beat, and then Astarion was back to his work. But it was enough to bloom a warmth to your chest, that maybe you had the same effect on him that he had on you.

Leaning your cheek against his shoulder, you asked; "where did you learn to do it so perfectly?"

A quiet chuckle fell past the elf's lips, though it held no amusement. "The clothes we wore were hardly a concern for Cazador, as long as we looked presentable enough to lure people back for him." He frowned, a bitterness flashing through his eyes as his knuckles grew even paler with the way he gripped your shirt, "If we showed up with a torn shirt or ragged pants, that was on us. Even if it were his orders that caused it." The last words were low and forced out, as if the mere thought of them had thrown Astarion back into those dark streets and into the arms of people who didn't care if they ripped him apart.

You wished there was any amount of comfort or honeyed words that you could tell him that would erase the memories altogether. But there wasn't. All you could do was kiss his shoulder and brush your fingers over his arm until his grip relaxed again. Hoping that your love would seep through your pores and melt into his skin.

Astarion leaned the tiniest bit towards you, his lips brushing your hairline in a silent thank you. It felt… strange, how you were able to bring him back from the depths of his mind so easily.

Moments were spent in silence, until the pad of his thumb brushed over the freshly mended corner of your shirt, admiring his work; it was barely perceptive. If you didn't look too closely, you wouldn't even say it had been slashed through with a sword at all.

"Wow, you're good," you whispered, following the same path he had traced with your own fingers. Feeling over the fabric.

A low hum came from the vampire beside you, "I know."

You bit onto your lower lip. Your fingers tangled with his when he didn't pull away, all timid and tentative yet brimming with affection. "Maybe you could teach me someday, and I could mend your clothes for you, too." It went beyond just torn fabric, he knew it, you knew it.

Astarion ducked his head, he hesitated, yet he squeezed your hand quite tightly. "I would like that."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3

You do not have permission to repost, copy, or translate my works on any platforms (even with credit), please respect.

Astarion’s taglist: @milkiane @v1ci0us

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion bg3 #astarion baldurs gate #baldur's gate 3 #astarion imagine #astarion x tav #astarion x female reader #imagine #fanfic #angst #fluff #astarion fanfic #my story #astarion ancunin #when the world sleeps

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ja3hwa · 4 months

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♡ 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥 | 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 ♡

【Synopsis】 : It's been so long since you've seen your boys. And when the youngest comes knocking on your door, the new life you had only just managed to build comes crashing down.

『Word count』 : 4.8k

-> Genre: Mafia au. Angst. Fluff.

Pairing: Mob Boss!Ot8 Ateez x Reader

[Warnings] : lots of heart ache. The reader is beside herself a lot. Blood. Gore. Death. Torture. Reader gets kidnapped. Tears. Hugging. Lots of cry. Grovelling (we stan a good grovel). And yeah, lots of angst but fluffy at the end. Kissing. Mingi got a dirty mind. Whoops.

Note: uh, so hi. Ahha It's been a while... I finally decided to actually finish the alt ending of this fic. I've had people ask for more, and I honestly forgot about it. But then i saw someone send in THIS request, and it made me want to finish this. So this can be read as a stand-alone. But if you want to read part 1 and the other ending. Go ahead, otherwise enjoyyyyy ♡

Part one | Other Ending

Masterlist | Navigation

You were alone. Wandering through life with nothing to hold onto. You were going underwater, and no one was around to help you above the heavy waves. You were numb. Heartbreak ridding you of happiness… Or so you thought.

Through a bottle or two... Maybe three or four. You found at the end of it. You were just as unhappy as you were before you took the first sip. You needed a change. A change of scenery. A change of personality. A completely new life. So there you were two towns over. Maybe not a whole country away from the old you, but this was just as good. A new apartment. New job. Architectural design. You enjoyed it, so dearly. It became something that kept you going. That kept you waking up. You were fighting for a glimpse of happiness in mornings that were still hard, and nights were just as restless as ever.

You were alone. Yes. But you tried.

It's been two whole years. You think you’d forgotten everything by now. But the biggest, deepest pain didn’t seem to heal as quickly as everyone says it does. Fucking Liars…

You were having a break from your long hours of sketching a new mansion floor plan, a private owner wanted it done within the week and for a heavy price and as much as it was a distraction you couldn't help but think how the design the private buyer seemed to want a floor plan that resembled something that one of your old lovers would have loved. The vintage vibe with a green and gold theme matched Mingi and Yunho perfectly. Your brain almost thought maybe they were the private buyer. But why would they go to you after what you had ‘apparently done’ to them? Before you could dwell on the idea anymore, the sound of your doorbell broke your gaze from the large sketch in front of you.

You question why someone would be visiting you at this hour, given that most of your clients would email you beforehand and your ‘friends’ would text. So, who could possibly be at your door? Your heart thumped strangely as if your body knew who was beyond the large oak before you. A ball started to form at the base of your throat. Was this anxiousness you were feeling? Gripping the silver handle, you creek the door open slowly, and when your gaze met the other person you feel your heart stop.

“Hi…”

You looked at the man with a dumbfounded expression, tilting your head in confusion. Hi? After all these years, hi is what he starts with. What does he take you for? A hopeless woman needing a man to catch her when she falls?

You go to shut the door without a second thought, but he catches it in his strong arms. The same arms that used to hold you. Shield you from all the danger―no stop you didn’t need them when you were completely broken and you most certainly don’t need them now.

“Please let me explain. Honey, I just…” He was scrambling to find his words, his breath catching his throat like he was running a marathon prior to this interaction. “I wanted to see you…tell you.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Jongho.” You finally spoke, silently yelling at yourself for sounding so shaky in your voice when you wanted to be mad, tone-deaf, blunt. But here you are, wanting to cry cause of the anger surging through you. Why must you always cry when you get mad. “You don’t get to come here after almost two fucking years, call me honey and tell me how much you miss me and think I’ll just fall back into your arms as if nothing happened.”

“T-that’s not what I want nor expect from you. I just want―I don’t care what you want. Now get off my porch.” You cut him off, slamming the door in his face before breaking down the minute you heard the latch click. Your legs buckle, sliding down the door before your knees hit the ground, sobbing into your hands. Your heart was breaking all over again, just like the night you left. You wanted nothing more than to run after him, beg him to hold you. But you couldn’t. They hurt you so much. How do you even begin to forgive them for what happened all those years ago?

Through the next months, you kept receiving letters, flowers, and gift boxes. Even teddy bears. Why would they give you teddy bears? You think they would have known you from being with them for so long. Throwing yet another soft plush toy on the ever-growing pile that sat in your office. You were beginning to become sick of it. You thought after you yelled at Jongho, he and the others would have gotten the hint, but you guess being dumped by eight mob bosses wasn’t as easy as you thought.

Sighing, you click your tongue, looking at the stack of letters you have yet to burn. You can’t even be bothered to open them, not wanting to even listen to anything they might have to say. But another part of you was curious. Maybe one letter couldn’t hurt, right? Reaching for the one on the top, your fingers grasp the small paper. It’s rough against your skin. Like the paper was made from a poor-quality tree. Odd? Why would your ex-lovers gift you such cheap gifts? Not that you were expecting high-priced gifts, but they had enough money to buy half the world, so you think them getting something with a heavier price tag wouldn’t matter. Something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t adding up.

But before you could think of anything else, a loud, almost anger-filled knock comes from the front door. Your body was suddenly on high alert. Goosebumps erode all over your skin as a sickening feeling clouds your head. Grabbing your letter opener―just in case―you walk slowly towards the noise. Thoughts ran through your head in time with the beats of your racing heart. You knew walking towards the suspicious noise was a bad idea, but what else could you do? Whoever was there would know you were home by the lights being on or how your car is parked in the driveway. You couldn’t just pretend you weren’t home, no matter how hard you wanted to try.

Your fingers graze the door handle, feeling your breath hitch. You twist it slowly until you hear the creek of the door hinges swing inwards. You brace yourself for whoever it was, but what you are met with confused you. The porch was empty?

No one in sight…

But you certainly heard a loud knock. You were going crazy… were you? You huff, straightening up, feeling relief wash over you. Maybe it was some kids pranking the neighbours again, and you were their target for the day. Who knows. You click the door closed, but you lock it this time because even though you see no threat, you wanted to be sure. Entering your office again you walk over to the letters in order to continue what you were doing but when your eyes gaze over the pieces of paper you notice the one you were going to open wasn’t on the table. Where did you go? You thought, placing the letter opener on the table so you could place your hand on the edge of the oak desk so you could look under it. You looked everywhere and couldn’t seem to find it. It was like it had vanished. But…was that a flash? Something caught your eye.

Looking at the teddy bears, you see the letter sitting in the lap of one of the plushies. Tilting your head you notice a little red flash like as if there was a recor―Your eyes snap open stumbling back slightly before turning to run but your body is met with a very broad object and then before you can get any baring on what or who was in behind of you, everything went black.

It was like the world was spinning, your head pinging with an aching pain from the left side of your skull. You tried to open your eyes and look around, but you quickly figured out you were blindfolded and bound to what seemed to be a chair. Typical. Why is it that whenever someone gets kidnapped, they get tied to an old wooden chair? Why couldn’t it be a couch or one of those soft deck chairs? You could hear some scampering around you, three, maybe four people had entered the room you were in. You can smell their shitty cheap cologne that they most likely think bend women at the knees. You knew what kind of people they were before even seeing them.

“Well well. Looks like my men have caught a pretty mouse of us to play with.” The heavy voice echoed around the room, hinting to you that you were most likely in an open area. A warehouse, maybe? “You are gonna be my ticket to freedom songbird.”

You had to cringe at the pet name that fell from his lips. The name you were known as in the mafia world. More specifically, Ateez’s Songbird. You tried to sit still, hoping to show a fraudulent sense of confidence, but in reality, you were petrified. You no longer had the eight men you loved dearly to save you. Then again, you had no one to save you. Most of your friends lived out of town and wouldn’t even come to the rescue if you begged. You were alone with these men. Blindfolded and at their will. The man you assume was talking before lifted your blindfold off, seeing your eyes suddenly gaze upon the piercing light from the headlamp above you. You can see your suspicions were correct, four men ranging from sizable jock build to more lean ones but in the end, they were all ghastly, staring you down as if you were nothing more than a piece of meat.

“I want to know where Ateez is….” The grunt that escaped from the immoral male smelled of booze and low-quality cigars. His eyes were painted his redness, as if he hadn't slept in days, weeks even. He was boarding insanity at this rate by his expression. “Well come on, I know you know where they are, and to be blunt, I need them dead. You know business and all.” He rambles, walking around your figure while you sit there listening to his utter bullshit. His words remind you of when a villain in the story starts blabbering to the captor about how they needed to defeat the hero in order to take over the world. But in this case, both sides are just as villainous as each other, and the “world” that’s referenced is stocks… weapons, contraband, drugs, money. The list goes on and on.

“Why are you so quiet, Songbird? Protecting your lovers?”

Now that one made you laugh, shaking your head in annoyance. Argh, what you would give to be home with a strong whiskey in hand right now. Your reaction sent a shocked expression to the disgusting man's face. He expected you to plea, beg for him to not hurt Ateez, to not hurt the loves of your life and yet here you sit, laughing right in his face like he had just said the most entertaining thing to you.

“I don’t know where they are.” You finally spoke, a sadistic smile painted your face. To never backed down from his gaze, almost trying to intimidate him with your blazed stare. “Why would I know, or care where they are? They don’t care about me.”

His paced. Fuck. He thought. Did his men really just kidnap you for no reason? He was going to shoot someone for this. He began to sweat, you were his only hope of getting the men he hates, attention. And now you were useless. His hand raked through his hair, coming down to scratch the stubble on his chin. What is he going to do with you now? Looking back at you his eyes slid down your body from head to toe, as if he was a predator sizing up his prey. You felt a sudden uneasiness. Maybe telling the man that held your life in his hand you were useless, wasn’t your greatest idea.

He moved away, whispering to one of his men before he sent him off, turning back to you straight after. He stepped one foot in front of the other in a slow and formed way, as if he had come up with the best plan in history. His devious smile brought a lump in your throat and the way he leaned down in front of you, placing both hands on the chair arms so he was face to face with you. “Well, little dove. We can find other uses for you, hmm?”

An idea popped into your head, and maybe it was your hotheadedness or your sheer stubbornness to do things out of spite. Bringing your body back slacked against the chair frame, you watched as his smirk grew, thinking he had finally managed to scare you, but before he could react, you whipped your head forward. Your forehead smashes against his nose with a sickening crack, and a blood-curtailing scream follows. The man gripped his nose with a sharp hiss. You could see blood pouring down like a waterfall from his nose, spilling all over his clothes and floor. Your blurred vision and ache in your skull doesn’t last long as you shake your head. You can see his men crowding around him to see if he is okay.

“Bitch!” He swore, standing up straight from his crouched position to stomp over to you and slap you clean in your face, making you and the chair fall over, smacking your side against the concrete. You can feel your wrist twist before popping out of place from the impact. Your elbow scraped against the harsh floor along with your arm, making you feel the sensation of your blood escaping through the broken skin. A cut on the top of your head also spilled some blood onto the floor making a headache begin to form. Maybe this wasn’t your best idea.

“Get the kit. I wanna teach this whore a lesson.” He spat out some blood that spilled into his mouth from his nose.

“whore? I thought it was bitch? Or as it little dove?” you need to shut your mouth but you choose to keep pushing his buttons. Idiot. He kicked you square in the gut making you hitch your breath before almost coughing up a lung at the pain. Your watered eyes could now barely see as you tried to blink the tears away. You spot out the corner of your eye a bag of what you could only guess, torture tools. Great, now you really fucked up.

You had passed out at least two or three times, and every time, you were woken up by ice-cold water to the face. The temperature of the water stung your opened wounds and burned at your hot red flesh. Time was absent to you, not knowing how long you’d been sitting, tied to the comfortable chair. God, your limbs were gonna ache once you were able to get out. that’s if you get out.

Maybe you will die here. The irony. Dying in a place of crime in a life of anguish when you so desperately tried to run from it. To try so hard to clean up and forget the darkness that lingered in your past. But in truth, you missed. As sicken as it sounded. You missed the violence, the thrill, the wealth and power. You missed being feared by your enemies and adored by your lovers. Call you sadistic for finding nostalgia in torture, but it was true. Even if you were the one who was currently being hurt, you couldn’t help but smile weakly.

“I found her!!” A muffled voice and sounds of gunshots echoed around you. But you were so dazed you couldn’t seem to pinpoint the noise. Your eyes were fuzzed, and blood tainted your view. Everything was happening so fast until you saw the stillness.

“Y-yuyu?” Your eyes glossed, seeing a blurred figure that resembled Yunho. But it couldn’t be him, could it? You must be dreaming, finally getting ready to leave this plane, but why would your guardian angel look like Yunho?

“I’ve got you, baby. Hold on.” You had already passed out for the final time before you would hear another word slip from your ex-lover's mouth. His rough hands gripped the rope that bounded your hands, cutting it away with his pocket knife. He snaked his arm under your legs and on your lower back, picking you up from the old wooden chair with ease. Your blood had pooled on the floor and now trailed behind Yunho as he jogged with you in his arms. His suit was now tainted red from you, but he couldn’t care less. The only thing on his mind was getting you to safety and maybe killing some assholes along the way.

To say you couldn’t explain the pain surging through your body was correct. You had never experienced such torture before, and man, you were definitely regretting some of the stupid shit you had said to the low-life mob boss earlier. Your vision was still so blurred, and your head was ringing. You could faintly see a bedside with a clock on it. But the face was dark like it was unplugged. You know this place. You remembered the smell of vanilla and pine. You remembered the dark spruce bed frame and emerald forest green bed sheets. You weren’t thinking when you started to snuggle into the bedding, inhaling the comforting scent.

You missed his smell. You missed being in this bed. God, you didn’t realize how much you missed them. You wanted to be strong. You didn’t want them, didn’t want to forgive them. But the comfort…. tears were falling from your cheeks onto the silk pillow. You were sobbing, and your mind was beside itself. One part screaming at you, telling you to suck it up and leave. But on the other side, you were so tired. So, so…tired…. and all you wanted was your boys.

“Sugar…” You froze, hearing the man that belonged to the bedroom. His deep voice, velvet and smooth. You could hear a crack in it like he had been in tears prior. You didn’t move, frozen with fear, because you knew if you looked at him in those beautiful brown eyes, you would be done for. “Baby, are you awake?”

He knew you were, but he didn’t want to approach you without knowing if it was okay. He knew by the way you looked at them last time you saw them that you had feared them. Something he never wanted to see in your beautiful innocent gaze. Torment that he and the others caused. He would never forgive himself, so he understood if you never did either. “I want to go home…”

You didn’t know what else to say. So god damned scared to stay cause if you did, you might not leave. And you couldn’t do that. What they put you through. You couldn’t possibly begin a relationship with them again… right? “Mingi, please take me home…” you felt so small calling for him, you didn’t want to be surrounded by his scent but at the same time, you didn’t so much as budge from the covers. You didn’t want him to be near you, but yet when he sat down on the edge of the bed, your body was screaming to be held by him. Everything was so messed up. Why did it have to end up like this? Why was this your ending with them?

Mingi couldn’t find his wording, his hand coming up to your covered shoulders, putting a firm but gentle touch on it. He wanted nothing more than to hold you, kiss you. Make love to you while repeating how sorry he was over and over while he caused you to come over and over. “I missed you…” His voice cracked. “We all have…” better now than never to explain himself, right? “After the first couple of weeks, we found out that those pictures were faked. A way to manipulate us into crumbling our empire. They thought if they could put us all at each other's throats. I guess they won…”

“How did you find they were fake?” You asked in a whisper, keeping your face covered with the bed sheet.

“Another anonymous tip went off that San was ‘sneaking’ around with some guy. But Wooyoung was quick to debunk it cause San was with him that whole week. So we quickly found out that this was a ploy to rip us all apart… which worked.” Mingi regretted every word he spoke. They managed to find out San was innocent quicker than you. San was lucky he had an alibi, though unlike you, that was away without their knowledge, just trying to buy a gift for your anniversary... god, they were so stupid...

“It...Worked?” You were confused about that since it only caused you to leave. From your knowledge, the boys were all still together? Mingi sighed, standing up, which caused you to peek out from your hiding spot to see him pouring a whiskey from the small bar in the corner of the room. Before downing the amber-coloured liquor.

“Seonghwa and Hongjoong became obsessed with work. They’ve become biter…” He took another shot of the harsh liquor. “Cruel… The number of people they’ve put in the dungeons just from looking in their direction wrong.”

You felt sick, flashes of them yelling at you, cursing you. The image of them with that anger plus a gun. You felt sorry for any of the suckers that were unlucky enough to gaze at them wrong. You tangled your fingers into the soft sheets, playing with the velvet fabric. You note how the hand that had popped out earlier was still slightly swollen and numb, making you barely able to feel the fabric on your right fingertips. “W-What about the others…”

“Jongho spent most of his time looking for you. Spying on you. Seeing all the achievements you have made.” He sounded proud of you for a moment like he sought knowledge of your life from the youngest. “Yeosang drove himself into his computer work, taking on small tasks in the outer parts of the city. If we hadn’t said we brought you home, he would have still been hiding somewhere.” He flicked his hand in the air, scoffing slightly.

“San and Wooyoung changed the most when you left. They became lost without you, distant… different. Like the sunshine was ripped from their life, and darkness consumed them.”

He took a seat at the end of the bed again. You had sat up, crossing your legs, eyeing his figure. He has gotten bigger than the last time you’ve seen him. He’s bulked up, and from what your memory could recall, Yunho was bigger as well. The way his arms felt being around you as he carried you to safety were definitely bulkier. “And what about you? Yunho?”

He huffed, glancing up at you. His hand was so close to your covered legs. So close yet so far. “Yunho and I are…fine. We missed you.”

You knew fine meant they were both struggling just as much as the others. You shifted, moving a little closer to him. Your heart was still aching, but your body was craving to feel some warmth. and at this point, you were so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of running. Tired of anyone telling you who or how to live your life? who cares if you run back to your exes? Who cared if you decided you move back with them? It’s not like you have friends or family that would tell you otherwise. All you had was them. Eight cruel mob bosses who would do anything for you and who were scared when they thought you had betrayed them. “I missed you too.”

His wide, glossy eyes snapped to yours. Like he had just heard someone spill the secret to life itself. His mouth went dry, a lump forming in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to spill his guts about how much he missed your smile and missed your laugh. Missed the way you would tease him for being too clingy, but yet you were just as clingy in the next breath. He missed the way your body would melt against his on cold nights, searching for warmth. Or how you would fit so perfectly around his….

“Min…You mind is wondering…” You knew his tells, and you knew he was sinking into his mind.

“I uh…I’m just trying to find the words to say I’m sorry without it sounding like it was an excuse.”

“I believe you’re sorry, mingi. I believe you are all sorry. It doesn’t change or fix what happened. And it’s going to take time for me to trust you all again. But…” You leaned over, placing your hand on his shaking thigh. “I do forgive you.”

He broke.

“We don’t deserve your forgiveness. We don’t deserve you…” Tears were falling down his red cheeks, making you jump to wipe each one away without a second thought. You hadn’t realized how close you were until you noted the smell of the whiskey on his breath and the warmth of his body radiating to yours.

“You might not deserve me. But who is here to tell me to stay away…” he gave you a smile. You didn’t want to forgive him or the others fully per se, but you did want this push-and-pull game. This cruel twisted game of forbidden love.

“The others are going to want to see you…” He spoke cautiously, afraid you might recoil away from him if he spoke too loudly. You just sighed, lowering your hands into your lap once again, sitting back. You could feel your wounds with every movement, but it wasn’t as painful as before. They must have given you some painkillers prior to when you were passed out. You were about to speak when a sudden thud was heard, quickly followed by a bunch of hushed whispers. You couldn’t help but smirk at the childishness, for angry mafia kings they sure know how to act like goofballs.

“They’re outside aren’t they?” You cocked your brow, giving Mingi a simple straight expression. He just rubbed the back of his neck with a small whisper of, ‘Sorry.’

You rolled your eyes, telling him to let them in. Your heart might have been racing faster than a race car, but you tried to hide the growing anxiousness with a plain expression. You were going to hear them all out. You were going to hug San and Wooyoung as they sobbed on the end of your bed with mumblers of ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again. You were going to give Yeosang a knowing look, so he knew that his silence was accepted and that you weren’t mad. You were going to thank Yunho for saving you, and he was going to kiss your palm as you held his cheek briefly.

And you were going to cry.

Sob at how Hongjoong sat on his knees, grovelling for your forgiveness and pleading how he was so messed up for not believing you. You’d all cry seeing the leader so vulnerable. And Seonghwa. Your darling, hwa… you would see such sorrow in his eyes. But you would let him kiss your cheek, hold you for a moment. Let him have you for a moment while you get your mind into check.

This was not a redemption. This was not forgetting. But a new chance.

Not a new chapter but a new book entirely.

You were going to grow, do your own thing. Be with them while you find yourself. And maybe, just maybe. You’d take Jongho’s offer all those years ago…and finally say yes…

— ♡

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naomeii · 4 months

Note

Hello! Here's my request:

Modern au where Childe and reader get into a particularly heated argument because he always comes back bloody, battered and bruised from a fight. Unfortunately, Childe ends up telling her he liked it better when she was ignoring him instead of nagging all the time, which shatters her heart. He tries to apologize but she's already out the door and staying over at her mother's house. Even when her mother reassured her that Childe does love her, it did little to heal her heart.

On the other hand, Childe was in shambles. He kept on trying to call, email, and text her but she won't pick up. He was left alone at their shared house, the meal she made had gone cold but he still ate it and yet, he didn't feel full. He ends up crying himself to sleep on their entryway.

The next day, reader returns to their home with the intention of packing up her things and leaving but is stopped by an exhausted Childe who follows her even when she tells him not to touch her. He notices her missing engagement ring (she had left it in their bedroom) and is terrified; he begs her not to leave him while sobbing and holding her tight. Eventually, his pleas were heard when she finally forgives him after he apologizes for snapping at her.

Metamorphosis.

—Pairing: Childe x F!Reader

Content: Modern au, angst to fluff, arguments

Childe's entrance into your shared apartment was marked by the tired shuffle of his boots against the floor. The faint odor of blood mixed with the antiseptic scent of a healing agent lingered in the air. He looked up, eyes shadowed with weariness, as you confronted him in the doorway.

"What happened to you this time, Childe?" Your voice was a mix of concern and frustration, and your eyes scanned his battered form with a mix of anger and worry. This had become a routine – him coming back battered and bruised, and you, waiting to pick up the pieces.

Childe sighed, leaning heavily against the doorframe. "It's part of the job, darling. You knew what you were getting into when we started dating."

Your jaw tightened at the dismissive response. "Part of the job doesn't mean you have to come back looking like you've been through a war every single time! Do you even care about how this affects me?"

Childe's tired eyes met yours, and for a moment, there was a flicker of remorse. "I liked it better when you just ignored me, you know? Instead of nagging all the time."

As the weight of his words sank in, you couldn't help but recall the days when Childe was indeed all over you. His playful antics, the way he made you laugh until tears streamed down your face, and the warmth of his love enveloping you. It was a stark contrast to the current reality, where his flippant remark shattered the remnants of those precious moments.

"Childe, what happened to us?" The question slipped out, laced with a mixture of pain and confusion. "You used to care about us, about me."

He avoided your gaze, a hint of guilt crossing his features. "It's just the way things are now. We both knew my life was dangerous."

A bitter chuckle escaped you. "I knew, but I never thought you'd grow indifferent. I miss the Childe who used to come home to me, not this stranger who treats me like a burden."

His eyes softened, but it was too late. The damage had been done. You turned away, tears threatening to spill. "I can't do this, Childe. Not if it means losing myself in the process."

As Childe desperately reached out for your hand, the door swung open, as you quickly left.

"Wait, please!" Childe's voice cracked with desperation, but you were out the door, oblivious to his pleas.

In your tear-streaked haze, you hailed a cab, directing it to your mother's house. The city lights blurred as you tried to make sense of the shattered fragments of your relationship. The cab's interior provided a temporary sanctuary, shielding you from the unresolved emotions that lingered at the doorstep of your shared home.

Arriving at your mother's house, the front door creaked open before you could even knock. Concern etched across her face, your mother pulled you into a tight embrace, her worry palpable.

"What happened, sweetheart?" she asked, guiding you inside.

Through choked sobs, you recounted the argument, the hurtful words, and the irreparable damage that had driven you away.

"Sweetheart, people say things they don't mean when emotions run high. Childe does love you; I'm sure of it. Relationships have their ups and downs, but love can overcome even the toughest moments."

Her words, meant to console, offered a lifeline in the storm of emotions. Yet, despite her reassurance, the ache in your heart persisted. The wounds were fresh, the echoes of Childe's indifferent words still reverberating within you.

"I know, Mom, but it just hurts so much," you whispered, tears welling up again.

She held you at arm's length, her gaze filled with concern. "Take your time, dear. Healing doesn't happen overnight. If he loves you, he'll realize the impact of his words and make amends."

On the other side, Childe's attempts to reach you knew no bounds. His phone buzzed with unanswered calls and texts, each message a desperate plea for forgiveness.

+𝟗𝟗 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐃𝐮𝐦 <𝟑 3:33 am Y/n, please, just pick up the phone. I'm so sorry. I never meant what I said. I love you more than anything. 4:32 am I'm an idiot, love. I messed up, and I need you to hear me out. Let's talk. Please. 4:45 am ▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• 0:10 (Hey, dummy. I know I screwed up. I didn't mean any of it. I miss you... Can we just talk?)

The echoes of your silence were deafening. Each attempt to reach you felt like shouting into the abyss, the void swallowing his words.

Returning to the shared house, the remnants of your presence lingered. The cold meal you had prepared sat untouched, a poignant reminder of a time when warmth filled the home. Childe mechanically picked at the food, each bite a tasteless reminder of the void that now enveloped him.

The once-familiar walls seemed to close in as he wandered through the silent rooms. The solitude amplified the weight of his regret, and a profound loneliness settled over him. Despite filling his stomach, an emptiness gnawed at his insides.

Tears welled up, and he crumpled to the entryway floor, the place where the love you both had built now reduced to a battleground of hurtful words. The cool surface provided little comfort as he cried himself into an exhausted slumber, the entryway serving as a painful witness to the wreckage of a love he feared might be irreparably broken.

As the morning light filtered through the curtains, you cautiously returned to your shared home. The air hung heavy with the residue of the previous night's turmoil. With a determined resolve, you planned to pack your things and spend some time with your mother until the wounds of the argument had a chance to heal.

The moment you stepped into the entryway, you noticed a disheveled Childe, still draped in the shadows of sleep. His eyes, red-rimmed from crying, widened in surprise at your presence.

"Y/n…" His voice wavered, a mix of regret and exhaustion lacing his words.

"I'm here to pack my things, Childe," you stated, avoiding eye contact.

His eyes pleaded with you, but you remained steadfast. "Please, love, let's talk. I need you to understand."

"No, Childe. We've said enough," you replied, your voice firm. The weight of the situation pressed down on you, but you were determined not to let it sway your decision.

As you began gathering your belongings, Childe, propelled by a mixture of desperation and a genuine desire to make amends, rose from the floor. He moved closer, his hand reaching out involuntarily.

"Don't touch me, Childe," you warned, your eyes flashing hurt.

Childe's heart sank as he continued to trail behind you, the weight of your silence pressing down on him. The atmosphere was thick with tension, and he winced at the palpable pain in your voice when you told him not to touch you.

His eyes were red and swollen from the tears that had stained the entryway floor the night before. Yet, a glimmer of hope flickered within him, fueled by the desperate need to salvage what was left of the love that once filled their home.

As he followed you through the house, his eyes caught sight of your left hand. The familiar glint of the engagement ring was conspicuously absent. Panic seized him as he realized its absence, the realization hitting him like a punch to the gut.

"Y/n, where's the ring?" His voice trembled with a mix of fear and desperation.

You glanced at him briefly, the weight of your gaze heavy with unspoken words. "It's in the bedroom. I left it."

Childe's heart raced as he hurried to the bedroom, his footsteps echoing in the empty space. The room, once a sanctuary of shared dreams, felt haunted by the shadows of fractured promises.

He found the ring on the dresser, its absence from your finger a stark reminder of the fragility of the bond they had built. The intricate design, a symbol of their commitment, now seemed like a fragile artifact of a love slipping through his fingers.

Fear gripped him, the gravity of the situation hitting him like a tidal wave. He returned to find you near the front door, the distance between you growing wider with each passing moment.

"Y/n, I—I can fix this. I'll do whatever it takes. Please, don't go," he pleaded, the vulnerability in his voice bared for you to see.

As you moved towards the door, a determined resolve etched across your face, Childe's hand shot out, instinctively reaching for you. He caught your wrist, his grip firm but not forceful. His eyes pleaded with yours, mirroring the desperate turmoil within him.

"Y/n, please, I beg you… don't go," he pleaded, his voice breaking.

You paused, feeling the grip on your wrist, the pull of emotions warring within you. Childe's sobs echoed in the silent room, the raw vulnerability he displayed tearing down the walls you had erected around your wounded heart.

"Childe, you can't fix this with just words," you said, your own voice wavering with the weight of the situation.

His grip softened, fingers slipping from your wrist to intertwine with yours. "I know… I know, but let me try. I love you, and I can't bear the thought of losing you."

His tears fell freely, staining the floor beneath him. The vulnerability he exhibited, coupled with the sincerity in his eyes, created a tumultuous whirlwind of conflicting emotions within you.

"I can't promise anything, Childe," you said, gently trying to disentangle your hand from his. "But I need time to think, away from this… chaos."

Childe, however, held on tighter, his sobs intensifying. "I messed up, Y/n. I don't want to lose you. Please, just stay. Let me try to make things right."

The conflicting emotions battled within you as Childe's sobs reverberated in the room. Despite the anger, hurt, and the shattered trust, a deep well of love still lingered within your heart. The sight of him crumbling before you, laid bare in vulnerability, tugged at those lingering threads of affection.

Taking a deep breath, you relented. Your free hand reached out, gently cupping Childe's tear-stained cheek. Your touch, though soft, held the weight of both love and reproach.

"Childe, stop crying," you whispered, your voice a delicate plea.

His tearful eyes met yours, and for a moment, the world outside their shared turmoil seemed to fade away. The touch of your hand, wiping away his tears, bridged the emotional chasm that had grown between you two.

"I love you, but this can't be fixed overnight," you admitted, your tone a delicate balance of firmness and compassion.

Childe nodded, his grip on your hand relaxing.

In the days that followed, the atmosphere in your shared home transformed. Childe, once a tempest of chaos and unpredictability, began to change. The realization of the pain he had caused you, coupled with the fear of losing the love he cherished, became a catalyst for a profound transformation.

His actions spoke louder than words. Childe started attending therapy, seeking guidance to navigate the complexities of his emotions and learn healthier ways to cope with the challenges that came with his role in the Fatui. The reckless impulsivity that once defined him began to give way to a more measured and thoughtful approach.

The wounds of the argument were still fresh, and trust needed time to mend, but Childe's commitment to change became evident in his actions. He took on a more active role in maintaining the home, shared responsibilities with newfound diligence, and made genuine efforts to communicate openly.

Gone were the days of recklessness overshadowing your relationship. Childe, now more attuned to your needs and the impact of his words, worked tirelessly to rebuild the connection that had weathered the storm.

While the scars of the past lingered, the metamorphosis within Childe created a sense of hope.

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plutoispurplw · 2 months

Text

Cardigan

Summary: Spencer is having dudes about his feelings towards JJ and reader can't bear it.

Couple: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Spencer being a bad boyfriend, mention of prision and drugs.

A/N: I just write this because haunted of my favorite blonde but ended up in cardigan. Second part is probably in saturday or sunday.

Second part!

All these years for what? He always gonna dude about their relationship.

After he was held hostage with JJ he started to act differently towards you, he was more cold and looked guilty when you tried to hug him.

In a case when you both shared a room, you lay down on the bed by his side, it was almost midnight. You try to move closer to him but he just moves away just a little, you get nervous for a moment but you decide to push the thoughts aside.

"Spencer I wanna talk with you about something important." You look at him in the eyes, sitting against the gray headboard of the bed.

"I notice that you've been acting weird and-"

He didn't let you finish, normally he wouldn’t do that and less in a conversation like this. "Please don't start now Y/N, nothing is happening with me. Let's just sleep okay?" The tone of his voice was annoyed and sounded tired, his facial expression was annoyed

You felt your heart break a little at his words but you tried to mend it by telling yourself that he maybe was frustrated with the case and that you have to stop overthinking.

Nothing was wrong.

You lay down again in the bed and put the beige blanket over your body and his. "Okay, I'm sorry, I was just worried about you and if something was wrong."

His expression changed again and he looked filled with guilt. "Don't apologize, you just were worried. Let's just sleep okay, sweetheart?" It was the name that he called you but it felt like ice against your warm skin. It was burning but you could bear it.

You started to be more worried, maybe he was having problems again with drugs? That would explain the guilty face that receives you when you kiss him.

Questions, that what you had so you started to ask him what was happening but he always denied everything, he thought that you were that stupid?

In the wedding of Rossi, you notice the looks between him and JJ, but you decide to ignore that even if it gives you a bad feeling in your guts, maybe you just were exaggerating.

Weeks later he and you were in the apartment, he was sitting on the couch reading a book, and you approached him and sat on his lap. Normally he would put the book down and kiss you but now he didn't do that, he kept reading like you weren't there.

"Spencer, what's happening?" Your voice was tired this time, you were tired of this, of never knowing what was wrong.

He put the book down and looked at you in the eyes, he looked annoyed by you again, and you felt hurt. "Nothing is happ-"

Now you were the one interrupting him, your voice was louder. "Stop saying that, I know something is wrong so just tell me what is happening."

He put you on the couch and got up, he was pacing around the living room, he looked stressed out and you were just looking at the floor. That's when he starts talking.

When you hear his words your mind when just blank, and your face doesn’t have any emotions for a moment, the only thing that could betray your sadness is that the characteristic light in your gaze is gone.

How he could heal and draw over your scars just to make new ones, scars that would never heal.

After that you started to cry, all your emotions were being poured into your salty tears. He tried to comfort you but you didn't let him.

"You feel something for her?" He stayed quiet, he didn't look at your eyes. That told you everything that you have to know.

How could he love her? You were the one who listened to his rants and facts. You were the one who comforted him when he had nightmares or couldn't sleep because of the memories from prison, from his addiction, from everything bad that happened to him. You were the one who always loved him and the one who would give their life without thinking for him.

"She is married and she has kids Spencer!" You yell at him, anger starts to grow inside you along with the sadness from your broken heart.

"I know," He calmly told you, how could he be calm after breaking your heart?

Maybe you weren't that important to him, maybe you were the consolation prize after all.

"Y/N, I love you, I need you to know that." His hands cupped your face, hands that were always delicate with you, like you were a doll of porcelain. For an instant, you were gonna get closer to kiss him, But you noticed his gaze, filled with guilt and pity for you.

You got up and ran towards the bedroom, the suitcase on the bed while you were filling it with clothes and your things. Tears wetting your clothes and your cheeks.

He then spoke again. "Please wait Y/N, calm down." He tried to hug you from behind you, it felt like he was trying to contain you.

You turn around and push him away from your body, from your embrace. "Stop saying that I need to calm down! You just said that maybe you still love Jennifer, how the fuck do you want me to feel about it?" You yell at him at the top of your lungs. You take a deep breath and keep packing your things.

He let you keep packing the suitcase, he didn't try to stop you again.

When you ended up filling your suitcase you walked to the principal door of the apartment, ready to go anywhere but here, you couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in the same bed where he told you that he loved you for the first time.

When you look back you find him with his eyes crystallized, the guilt was consuming him. Your fool heart broke again at the sight of him like this but your brain didn’t let you go back so you stepped out of the apartment.

After that you came to our friend's house and told her everything, she let you cry on her shoulder and told you to stay and don't go back still.

In the middle of the night, you woke up, wishing that this was just a really bad dream but that didn't happen, you were in the guest room alone.

Now you couldn't sleep without his welcoming warm that embraces you through the most cold nights.

After all, you always gonna be his second choice, the one that he could always count on to comfort him even if he didn't reciprocate your feelings.

You should know better than wanting to hug him and forgive him but you couldn't help that feeling, you thought that he was the love of your life, the father of your kids, the one you would die with.

You put your hand on top of your belly, how you were supposed to tell him that you were pregnant with his child after that? You didn't know what to do.

You felt like an old cardigan under someone's bed waiting to be found again and be used.

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oldstateofmind · 11 months

Text

nobody else can heal it (but you) [part l]

➜ pairing: miguel o’hara x fem!reader ➜ warnings: spoilers from ATSV, a bit of angst cause i’m human, violence, torture, hanahaki disease but make it nightmares instead. english is not my first language. ➜ words: 4.3k ➜ a/n: I’ve watched this movie 3 times by now because I’m obsessed with Miguel. His character is so interesting and captivating, he’s so grumpy and sad and that just makes me wanna fix him. Ugh, I have a soft spot for anti-heroes. And being voiced by Oscar Isaac is the icing on the cake. This first part sets the tone because I just can’t jump straight to smut, but I promise I’ll compensate next chapter.

chapter l. bad disease

For too long, you've been yearning for Miguel; only to be trapped in an endless nightmare. While awake, you had to live with the fact that he was out of reach – tearing your soul apart. While sleeping, violence and death had his face – tearing your whole being apart. No matter when or where; you were maimed by the same man.

Ao3

It starts with a hiss; then a shadow moving in the corner of your vision.

In the dark, cold envelops your body; chilling to the bone. It’s awfully quiet besides the continuous dripping of water in the distance, the echoes of each drop remind you of a ticking clock; counting the time you’ve left – for what, however, you’re not really sure.

You rub your arms in an attempt to bring a bit of warmth back to your skin, and as always, it’s useless. It seems like a forever winter inside the place you’ve found yourself in for the past 2 weeks.

What once started as a nightmare that made you wake up in the middle of the night, now plagues your mind every time you close your eyes. There’s no escape from it, no matter how hard you try. You’re more than tired, it’s exhausting not getting more than 3 hours of sleep when your job requires attention and disposition.

Even the pills Lyla gave you last time you were at the HQ didn’t work – actually, they made it even worse. Because then, your body was completely knocked out while your mind was terribly awake, reliving the scene over and over again. You threw them down the drain once you woke up. Never again.

And even though you already know what happens by now, it is still dreadful to wait for the nightmare to unfound. Your senses are hyper-aware of every single tiny sound, every movement in the dark.

There’s something poetic in the way you can feel him move even with your eyes closed; the way you could recognize the pattern of his breathing in the distance even when fear creeps into your brain. Your spider-sense tingles as his heavy steps are headed toward you, it screams danger. Goosebumps break out across your body, sending a small, cold shiver through your spine.

Red is the first thing you see. And also the last.

“...to Y/N.” Someone is calling you in the distance, but the hazy feeling of the nightmare still lingers within you. It’s hard to focus when your brain still hasn’t turned off properly for weeks, still trapped in whatever curse this is.

“Earth to Y/N, is anyone there?” There’s a snap in front of your eyes, and you suddenly flinch with the unexpected sound. The touch on your shoulder grounds you a bit.

You blink your eyes, rubbing them in an attempt to brush off the dreadful feeling still creeping into the back of your mind. As your eyes adjust to reality, Gwen’s face is filled with concern.

“I’m sorry, guys.” It’s the only thing you manage to say, how could you possibly begin to explain what’s been happening?

“You’ve lost your cue twice now, what’s happening with you today?” The girl presses, still holding onto your shoulder. And for that, you’re grateful.

Not getting enough sleep has been causing you to lose grip on reality – and that scares you the most. Not being able to tell if the sounds are coming from your head or from somewhere else. Or worse, having to avoid him because it’s unbearable the feeling that eats you from the inside out; the sense of fight or flight kicking in every time you hear his voice. Not tolerating being in his company as shadows follow you around like a ghost, tormenting you into remembering.

And it’s just not fair.

“Nothing!” You say, adjusting the bass strap on your shoulder. Hesitating on letting you go, Gwen squeezes your arm before retracting her hand. You try to smile, “I’m good. I…I’m good.”

The smile stretched for too long, awkwardly pulling your face into a grin rather than a genuine beam. The avoidance of looking at the member of the band doesn’t really back you up on your lies. You hear Hobie huff in annoyance, while Gwen’s piercing gaze still hasn’t left your face. You feel slightly guilty about keeping your nightmares a secret, but it’s not like they would understand, would they?

After all, Miguel O’Hara was a difficult subject for you to talk about.

“I know that look, I have seen it in the mirror quite a few times,” The girl admits. And you knew it was true.

When Gwen joined the Spider Society just a few months ago, the melancholy gloom that followed her was palpable. The teary eyes whenever someone asked about her life, the avoidance of returning to her world, always crashing at yours or Hobie’s. Her father was a tough subject on which she never really dwelled, too painful to remember.

However, even if she could relate to the feeling of losing sleep over someone, she wouldn’t understand how it felt to be torn apart by your own brain, to have precious memories distorted in a sick and twisted nightmare that was a culmination of your worst fears. To know it was coming and having no power to stop it. And all the while having the face of the person you cared about the most in the world, in all universes.

No, no one could begin to understand.

You bit your lips, signing in defeat, “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“That’s rubbish. Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” Hobie chimes in, crossing his arms over his chest. He raises his eyebrow, seeing through your facade without breaking a sweat.

“You’re not even glowing like you usually do!” Pavitr shouts from the audience, waving his hand toward you. Sometimes he would come by to watch the band practice, but today you had not even seen him coming, which was a terrible sign because Pavitr always made an entrance when he stopped by.

“I thought you would be grateful for that.” You scoff.

“Hey, you can’t blame me! My eyes are sensitive.”

The typical headache starts to pound in your head like a thousand bells ringing directly in your ear. It’s disorientating the way your senses feel out of place – like a fish out of the water. Not even having superpowers was helping you stay afloat.

You took pride in being a Spider Woman, doing your job as best as you could so that at the end of the day, Miguel would see you. Your talent, your dedication. But lately, you feel yourself falling further down in his list. And it hurts.

“It’s just that–” You sigh, rubbing your eyes again, foolishly trying to make the pain go away. The ache in your head was bad, but the one in your heart could bring you to your knees. “I’m not getting much sleep these last few weeks.”

Gwen snaps her fingers excitedly, “You should try one of those pills they hand over at the–”

“No!” You shout before you can stop yourself; memories flood your troubled mind. The blood, the screams. Talons ripping flesh, pain consuming your body and soul. But the worst of all; his words. Gwen stops in her tracks, caught off guard by your sudden outburst. The guilty eat you away.

“I mean, I–I’ve tried it,” You whisper, the lump forming in your throat makes it hard to say a single word, “but they… didn’t work for me.”

The trembling of your hands caught everyone’s attention. And It’s just too much.

“I’m sorry.” Whispering, you turn around to hide your face. You take the bass strap from your shoulder and place the instrument in its case. “Let’s just wrap this up, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”

“Oi, Y/N,” Hobie calls for you, but you’re already grabbing your coat and heading toward the door. “We are here to help you, it’s what a band is about, innit?”

You look over your shoulder at them, heart aching at the thought of leaving them with no explanation – as a frightened animal, cornered with nowhere to run, all bite and no apologies.

“Right,” You agree but vanish in thin air seconds later.

ll.

Time becomes its own entity when you lose track of it. It’s another late hour, probably somewhere between 3 AM, and the coffee you got from your favorite spot in town is hot against your cold fingers. You dangle your feet at the edge of a building, admiring the view of a sleepy neighbor – no matter the time, New York is always full of light.

It’s been a few days since you left the rehearsal in a hurry, the band has been trying to get in touch with you but you’ve been avoiding taking their calls and answering their texts – you’ve been avoiding a lot of things lately.

Like swinging in the middle of the traffic, as an example. Something that came naturally, but now it has become too dangerous. The notion of space and distance have been lost days ago together with the full awareness of your surroundings. You’ve been trying to do your job, but it has become almost impossible to pay attention to your movements when the heaviness of your limbs begs for you to slow down.

There’s also Lyla, who you've lost count of how many times she chimed in while you were working, telling you about a meeting that you had missed out on. Not that it was totally required to be there, but if once you counted the days to be in the same room as Miguel, just so you could see him, now you avoided it like the plague.

You haven’t heard from him ever since you disappeared – only stopping by the HQ when extremely necessary – so you might not be in that much trouble. However, it definitely did some heavy damage to your heart noticing how O’Hara didn’t really need or wanted to see you in the first place. Not even a call, not even a message.

And that was devastating.

Blowing out your coffee, you sigh. The lack of sleep has been taking a toll on you. It started off as simply missing the timing from one building to another, and now you can feel the nasty bruise forming on the side of your hip. Actually, your body now looks like it has been painted black and blue with the number of bruises it’s collecting.

And you still can’t find the answer, nor any clue on how to make them go away. It will kill you eventually, you’re sure of that. It was just a matter of time now. Maybe then you could finally rest.

The bitter taste of the coffee spreads in your tongue and you welcome the caffeine with open arms. You’ve been trying to stay awake for the most part of the day, only hitting the bed when you’re completely and absolutely worn out. It does give you a few more minutes, but as the sun comes down and another moon appears, you can feel yourself slipping away, getting fewer and fewer hours of sleep, and slowly descending to madness as the nightmares start to feel more vivid, clouding your judgment.

Maybe you should ask for help, after all.

As a result of a very slow mind, it takes you more than it should to sense a new presence on the rooftop with you. Startled, the hair on the back of your neck stands up. You quickly throw away the coffee, lamenting not being able to finish it.

You pull your mask down; if it was another one of those villains of the week the guy was fucked because you had run out of patience. “Honestly, I’m in a really bad mood today,” You say to whoever is hiding in the shadows, your senses tingling as the figure slowly walks towards you, “No tricks, please. Let’s do this quickly.”

The movement stops, and you roll your eyes in annoyance. Another guy who thinks that making a scary little entrance will impress you. You’re about to make a joke when the shadow speaks, making your heart stop for a second.

“Y/N.”

The cold creeps in underneath the flesh, freezing your blood and yourself in place. All the hair in your body stands up as your body tenses with trepidation and fear. There it was again, that voice that haunts you night and day.

No, please. I’m awake, aren't I?”

It was hard to tell, as your surrounding started to blur; the sound of the street and surroundings go silent, as the only focus of your mind is the man in front of you and the way his eyes glow scarlet against the dark of the night. Your heart hammers your chest so furiously you’re afraid it might break free.

“Y/N.”

Miguel calls out for you again, his tone nothing more than a whisper. But you have seen this scene before; a hundred times you’ve heard those same words roll out of his tongue as if it disgusted him – as if you didn’t deserve to be mentioned it.

You flinch as he steps forward, memories of talons ripping your skin apart make you fight against the rising panic; the outcome of the nightmare is inevitable, you’ve tried to change it, but the aftermath was always the same; killed by the man you loved the most.

“Stay away from me,” You warned him. It was useless when fate seemed to have your lines already written, with no chance to change the full stop by a coma. “Please, stay away from me.”

Miguel stops, the glowing of his suit hurts your eyes. You can’t see his expression, there’s a dark shadow covering his face, but the red tint gives his demeanor a haunting feeling – another shiver runs down your spine. Your vision starts to blur; the fine line between reality and dreamland crashes together in your mind. Nothing feels real, the foggy state of mind wraps around you, gradually taking over your sanity.

So you flee. Or at least you try.

Before you could jump from the building, Miguel’s strong hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you directly in his direction. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, and quickly you are able to untangle yourself from his grip, kicking him in the process.

“Y/N.” You know it’s his voice, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like it. It’s disconnected from the man you’ve grown to love. Dread gnawed at your insides as the nightmare turns into another torture section. His mouth is moving but you can’t make up the words; every sound gets lost in the loud rush of blood in your ears.

Not that you need it, anyway. You’ve been living the same dialogue over and over again to know like the back of your hand.

“Don’t hurt me again,” You plea, raw panic in your voice. Your mind is erratic, coming up with ideas on how to escape, but your body doesn’t follow the same line of thinking, “Please, I’m so tired.”

But it’s all in vain; the man bolts in your direction like an animal ready to devour its prey. You find yourself half mad with terror – your throat tightens as anxiety eclipsed your thoughts.

Before Miguel can get to you, you attack.

It never works as the man is way above your abilities, but you try – anything to be freed from having another slow, painful death. Gathering the last of your strength, you shoot a web that miraculously lands on his foot and it sticks to the ground. Quickly, you jump from one wall to another, landing a kick on his chest.

It doesn’t do anything more than startle the man, but it gives you enough time to soar across the night sky, landing on another rooftop. The glowing of your watch catches your attention. Usually, you don’t have it with you, nightmares don’t really give you the option to flee.

But it seems this one does.

“Y/N!” Miguel roars. In the slip second your eyes had darted toward the gadget, the man had torn apart the single web holding him in place. He huffs, shoulders hunched forward as tension grows between you both.

Against your better judgment, you shot him a glance. And like magnets, his eyes find yours in mi the sea of lights that only New York could offer.

You press the bottom, eyes fixed on the man coming towards you like a bolt. His talons cut the air in front of your eyes – almost like a kiss – the petrifying realization makes you fall on your back towards the portal.

Then everything turns black.

lll.

When you open your eyes again, you’re absolutely and awfully exhausted. The weight of your body holds you down against the cold floor, almost as if it didn’t belong to you anymore. You had lost ownership after not taking care of it. Your eyelids are heavy, and for a moment you consider just going back to sleep, finally giving in to the sweet taste of relief.

But then, the warnings in the back of your mind start to go off, and you remember why you can’t. Grunting, you take off your mask and pick yourself up. There was no rest for you, not until you find out what the hell happened. And if it was all in your mind, of if Miguel was there.

Because that definitely didn’t feel like a dream. The phantom feeling of his fingers wrapped around your wrist still lingered, and the intensity of his gaze still made you shrink. A chill runs down your spine in trepidation. If he was really there were the nightmares just a premonition of the future?

No. Miguel would never do that.

Even though he didn’t… like you as you liked him, the man didn’t have a single motive to want you dead. Miguel was many things, but mostly he was righteous. Dedicated to his job in an unhealthy, and obsessive way? Yes. However, he still had kindness hidden underneath his scowl, and even though his heart was mostly painted black by the loss of his old life, it still beat for the new ones the Spider Society protected. Besides, he still had some humor in him; a completely dated and cringe type of humor, but there.

And every time it made an appearance, you would find it adorable. A tiny smile appears on your lips. How could you not treasure every moment with him when it was all so rare?

“Y/N?” Someone calls for you in the distance. You are still picking yourself up from the floor, the sudden movement makes you dizzy, and nauseous. You’re pretty sure you hit your head.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Margo comes into view, she quickly puts one of your arms around her neck and helps you get up. “You look terrible.”

“You should see the other guy,” You try joking around. And even though the blue avatar softly huffs, her expression of concern is serious. You must look worse than you thought.

Margo helps you get into a chair, gently holding you until you’re comfortable in your seat. “I’m sorry for barging in, I honestly didn’t know where I was going.”

“Where you running from something?” She jokingly asks. She grabs a tablet, reads something on the screen, and goes back to work.

“Yeah,” You groan, running your hand through your hair, “You could say that.”

The room was as quiet as it always was, the only sound coming from the girl who was softly humming a song. Looking around, you notice there was no one around, only the machines as a company. You wondered if Margo ever feel lonely here; the place was big enough to fit a few dozen Spiders, however, it was always deserted. The truth was that no one actually liked to be around villains after they were captured, and sending them home was a dreadful job. Margo was definitely a viable asset to the team.

You can feel your senses start to relax, the darkroom was a perfect invitation for a well-deserved rest. But with the sleepiness came the loss of concentration, and the last time you let your guard down, you fled from a very real Miguel.

Small talk would be, then. “So… who’s next?”

Margo picks up her tablet, tapping a few things before showing you a picture. “She calls herself 'Torment'. But you’re probably familiar with her. After all, you and Hobie caught her a few weeks ago.”

Wait. A few weeks ago? That's exactly the time when the nightmares started to occur.

Suddenly, a flashback hits you like a bullet. A purple and blue cloud, the touch of a finger. The laugh.

“Margo, I need to talk to her,” You demand, getting up from your chair as if you had been electrified. The pieces fall into place and make a clear picture. How could you have let this fly over your head? Of course, the nightmares weren’t something normal! It had to be a product of something, or someone.

“Y/N, I need to send her ho–”

“It’s urgent,” Holding the girl’s hand in yours, you squeeze them in a silent plea, “Please, Margo. Just give me 5 minutes.”

Margo presses her lips together; you must look desperate because she sighs, defeated. Then nods, “Make it quick.”

“Thank you.”

The Send Home Machine had come out of its cocoon, and now sat atop a circular base; waiting for the command to start the process of pulling the strings to weave the portal back home. You always thought the whole mechanism was a bit too much, but if it worked, then who were you to complain?

Margo brings Torment in, and she immediately recognizes you.

“Oh, I knew I would see you again!” The woman’s face lights up like a Christmas tree – that couldn't be a good sign. She claps her hands, bouncing on her feet. “Looking for answers, darling?”

A cold shiver runs down your spine, but it’s not fear that spreads through your veins. It’s anger. “What did you do to me?”

The woman laughs, throwing her head back. You can clearly see she was having too much fun with you. “Now you’re interested in what I’ve to say? You didn’t seem that excited when I first came to you and your little friend.”

Your blood boils. If she wasn’t already locked up and ready to be sent home, you would definitely teach her a lesson or two. Your knuckles go white as the woman stares, the smile on her face is disturbing. How could she find pleasure in tormenting someone like that?

The sound of the engine turning startles you, Margo sends you an apologetic look as the machine descends from its place atop the base. You’re getting out of time.

“What do you want?” You shout, desperate. You can’t imagine going another week, another day haunted like this. “Tell me!”

Torment’s stare is piercing, a shadow crosses her face when the smile fades into a thin line. The silence was agonizing, and with each tread of the web, you felt your sanity slipping away. This was your last chance.

“I’m so fucking tired!” You cry out, hitting the glass so hard it almost cracks. “Do you know how it feels to not get a single hour of sleep because your nightmares are too fucking real? Do you have a single idea of how torturing it is to have him, of all people–” Margo was listening, but you didn’t care. You wanted answers and you would get them. “Why him?”

“Poor little thing. You haven’t figured it out yet?” she hums, furrowing her eyebrows. And you hate the look of pity she has on her face. It was her that did this in the first place! “That must be tough, to keep all of that to yourself.”

No one knew about your feelings for Miguel. Well, you had a slight hunch that maybe Peter B. Parker might have noticed it. But otherwise, you kept all to yourself. Treasuring little moments as precious jewelry.

He was your boss! And besides, he was still too caught up in his late family. He would never open his heart again after the tragedy bestowed upon him. You couldn't blame him; a man forever stuck in the past, reliving each moment when he was happy.

However, sometimes, you would catch him looking. Exchange glances in a crowded room; during meetings. You would spend time with him alone; in a comfortable silence hard to find, or in an easy-going atmosphere that left you smiling like an idiot.

But that was what they were, fleeting moments. And even though sometimes you dreamed about a future where you could give him all the love he deserved, they were just that; silly dreams. There was no space for you in his life. You had accepted that long ago.

“You see, my abilities are a gift,” Torment simply says, still unphased at your suffering. “They search deep in your soul for what you seek the most. The nightmares are just an incentive to make you finally take the big step.”

“What?” A memory comes to the forefront of your mind; a finger touching your forehead, the slight shock that sent you back a few steps. Miguel’s face appears right after the electric feeling dissipates. “What do you mean?”

“You know very well,” There’s some sort of twisted kindness when her smile appears again, it irks you profoundly, “Take care, darling. You can thank me later.”

The machine finishes threading the web, encapsulating the woman inside a honey-colored web. The last thing you see is her waving at you before disappearing into nothing.

Outraged, you punch the glass again, and again. No, no, no. This can’t be happening! That woman must be lying, there’s no way the cure to this torment is–

“Calm down, Y/N!” Margo holds your wrist before you can land another hit. She’s saying something but you can’t hear it. Anxiety takes over your body as you crouch on the floor, hiding your face in your arms.

You will have to tell Miguel.

And that was worse than any other nightmare.

#miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #spiderman 2099 #across the spider verse spoilers #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara fic #sometimes i write

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wayfayrr · 2 months

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I offer the idea of soft times with sage

Braiding hair, just cuddling with each other and overall spending time with one another.

- 🍄

(It’s been a bit lmao, college kicked me in the shins)

sorry it's been a while since you sent this, I relate with uni being a bitch though :')

I'm gonna use this ask though to put it out that I'm no longer going to be writing for Sage, however I won't stop writing totk link altogether - instead I've been creating a link that's more inline for how I see his character and for how I'm comfortable to write <3 I've been calling him Tears so far and I have to thank a lot of my mutuals for chipping in ideas with a special mention to @glowyskull for coming up with some of the best headcanons I think I've ever heard (the last three are courtesy of them) <333 @h4wari, @mushroomwoods, @sketchyspook here's the boy you were waiting for!!! (thank you all for your help too <333)

and without any more hesitation here he is!!

✦ he got the nickname tears for a reason, anything and everything will set this boy off. he's a true crybaby and will certainly use it to try and win your attention from the others. It's not always cause he's sad though, sometimes things can just get overwhelming

✦ his memory can be a bit spotty, unlike wild he rushed through his previous quest, not that he's all that fussed about missing those memories - making new positive ones are more important to him

✦ like his counterpart, he's got a couple of different nicknames, tears is the most prominent however architect does tend to show itself fairly often. messing around to see what different kinds of contraptions he can make is one of his favourite pastimes, one he'll happily share if given the chance.

✦ wild and him have been assumed many times to be identical twins, seeing as his stint in the shrine of ressurection put a halt to most of his aging processes. not that he doesn't bring up his actual age every now and then for a little shock factor

✦ thankfully they're easy to tell apart, seeing as tears discovered how to dye his hair and paint his nails quickly into his second quest, leading to his hair forever being stained with a multitude of different colours while his nails change colour nearly every other day

✦ his cheeky side is still very much there though, ready to make the dumbest puns you've ever heard and to not stop till you're laughing no matter how hard you cringe at them when he starts.

✦ one of the most affectionate links, willing to do basically anything you ask him to and even things you didn't. give him the smallest hint you like a certain food? what do you mean it's a little suspicious he suddenly has all of its ingredients for it - he simply wanted to try it himself, can you tell him if it tastes right?

✦ He hates to see anyone crying, especially his significant other, nine times out of ten it’ll end up with him crying at your side but he’s always there at your side to cheer you up. If you can’t bring yourself to speak about whatever is upsetting you though? Luckily for him a simple kiss of your tears is enough to show him the memory that hurt you. Thankfully it also goes for the happier ones.

✦ Your smile and praise is something he simply lives for, headpats being his favourite way to receive it, leave him alone with belongings for too long though and when you come back he’s standing next to them with a blinding smile having fused a lot of them to each other or to something he thinks would be useful for you to have. Granted the journal flame thrower combination might not have been his brightest moment.

✦ the same desire can come out in other ways though, such as giving you different nicknames with his personal favourite calling you his sundelion. Sometimes he really shows how much he likes that nickname by making you flowercrowns as surprises. Granted every now and then he takes it a little too far, telling you you’re all he needs to heal from the gloom instead of taking any real treatment.

Tending the fire is probably one of the easiest and most calming tasks I could’ve been given today, it’s nice to have something to zone out with after a whole day on the road. Not that I can complain about it though, we didn’t run into any monsters or other threats and travelling was calm. Who’s trying to get my attention by tapping me on the back though?

“[name]? Mind if I come sit with you for a bit, I'd like to get to know you better if that's alright.”

“Yeah of course Tears, If we’re going to be traveling together for a while it makes a lot of sense too.”

This man is a sweetheart I can tell, just from saying yes to him he’s already got the most coy smile on his face; it’s like his face is practically glowing from it when he sits. Shuffling closer to my side almost like he’s asking if it’s alright for him be be this close, with the way the firelight is illuminating him is making me question if the warmth on my face is really from the fire or not now. Just distract yourself with something before you get any redder.

“Oh? You’ve got something in your hair, one second-”

The moment I plucked the stick out of his hair he froze up, his cheeks flushing before relaxing.

“Are - are you good? Sorry I should’ve asked first.”

“No, no, no it’s alright I just… didn’t expect it?”

“Yeah I know, next time I’l-”

“Actually would you um mind playing with my hair? I ah never really get the chance to relax like this.”

Well isn’t that simply adorable, I would be heartless to say no to such a request. Besides, I know wild has some of the softest hair possible so the chance to play with it? No way am I going to miss that if all that visible dye hasn’t fried it to bits.

“If that’s what you want then I won’t say no.”

“Really?”Is he - no he can’t be, or maybe… is he so starved of affection that he’d tear up over something this small, the more I think about it, it does make sense. Playing with his hair is so relaxing I almost missed the fact that he was starting to tear up more, all I can hope for is that they’re not from him being upset.

#Hi shroom!!!!#It's good to see you <333 #thought I'd take the chance to do this here sfgvfdsbg #moss✦writes #link x reader #linked universe #linked universe x reader #totk x reader #totk link x reader #Tears #should I be confident and make him his own lu tag?#heck why not fgvfdgvb #Lu Tears

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galene-gothic · 7 months

Text

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗐

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

"Send my love to your new lover, treat her better. We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts. We both know we ain't kids no more."

"I saw the signs and I ignored it, rose-coloured glasses all distorted. Set fire to my purpose and I let it burn. You got off on hurting when it wasn't yours. We'd always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to find me. This dancing was killing me softly. I needed to hate you to love me."

Someone/many different people who you were strongly committed to you seem to have done you dirty. At that time, you were the greenest green flag, you were dependable and wanted to come off as someone like that as well. You were grounded, you were humble and in your 'treat people well' era. You felt like everything was fine until it wasn't anymore. People around you started acting shady, you picked up on the negative vibes or out of the blue, you found out about something that someone close to you did or said behind your back. For some of you, there seems to have been a boy or man involved, it could not be connected to the first scenario at all but for most of you, there seems to be an energy of people leaving one after another, something like your friends backstab you then you find out about your boyfriend cheating and even your guy friend chooses to say hurtful things just for the purpose of tearing you down. If the boy situation does resonate, you realised that they were with you for their own selfish reasons. You felt like they manipulated you for their own personal gain. This guy could've kept you a secret from others. For a while, you continued lying to yourself about this situation due to the affection or attachment that you felt towards them. You were trying your best to believe that something when it was just not the truth. Regardless of which one of the scenarios resonate (for many of you, all of these will resonate), you felt betrayed and to be honest, you were in fact betrayed. When this event happened, you felt the need to be realistic and practical, you knew that you deserved something mutual but maybe due to love, it took a while for you to walk away. Walking away seemed to be something that you did only after you were completely drained out. You were still bonding with other people, maybe you were exposed to others after this event happened so you had no choice. Even though, you seemed to be having good platonic relationships, they felt shallow to you or they made you happy but you weren't able to talk about you deepest emotions to anyone. You were breaking down on the inside but due to your public or social image, no one seemed to see it. It was a time for you to receive healing, you weren't doing well emotionally. A lot of chaotic events happened in your life one after the other but at that point, you were just resting. These people and situations broke you down to the point, you lost your self esteem.

You needed support and help at that time but you were not getting it, I feel like you were not even trying to talk to anyone about your emotions to be honest. It was difficult for you to think clearly. Your judgement was very blurry. Regardless of how painful it must've felt, if you look back, you'll notice that you've released so many negative thoughts, habits, feelings and just way of being. Negative feelings coming up, everything falling apart was just for things to get better. I'm getting that these were negative cycles and connections disguised as positive ones so you didn't understand how you didn't see it earlier. You might have noticed red flags but because they acted alright after that, you didn't think that it was important to walk away. You were confused about a lot of things. You were stuck in that toxic cycle for so long and realised just how much control it had over you. You felt the need to take responsibility for things that weren't even your fault. In the thick of healing, you thought that you deserved all the bad things that they were doing and saying to you. You thought that these people genuinely had good intentions towards you and were 'your people'. I'm getting multiple people here but there's a chance that it was either just your friends or your love interest. Even if it wasn't a love interest, a guy could've been involved. You sometimes wonder how you didn't notice the huge red flags earlier and were naive enough to believe that those people had loving intentions for you. You could've been really nice to most if not all of these people so you were just like, "why? I was nothing but nice to them". There seems to have been some (a lot tbh) confusion in such aspects. This is confusing but I'm getting best friends who turned against you after a mistake you made but you found out that they didn't like you all along or if a guy was the main problem here, it could be a best friend or a boyfriend/situationship who broke you down until you had to leave them. For most of you, it is both. The closure is that this person thought that they had a certain control over you so when they realised that that was not the case, they got over dominating. In the case of friends, they found a reason to finally bully you so they took it. These people were all really dishonest and are the kind of people who are not willing to change their ways. They were angry at you but it was not because of what you did, for the guy it was because they had frustrations in their own life and for the friends, it was because they 'thought' that you thought that you were better than them.

There was a lot of chaos, what they forgot is that you're a very strong character, you might have bended to meet their needs and match their personalities but it didn't mean that you lost your strength as a person. You adored them so you acted softer, they took it as a weakness. They were all being really selfish. It makes a lot of sense if it was a group of people, they were abusing their power to take advantage of you. For some of you, when you weren't letting them take advantage of you, they started acting all passive-aggressive, outright aggressive or angry. You were giving too much without expecting much, please remember that it's important to have standards. I think that you've learnt your lesson now though. You probably had spiteful arguments and they were not thinking before speaking. It's not alright, they disrespected you. Don't forget the things that they said to you, forgive them but don't let them anywhere near you, though it's your own decision. They made reckless mistakes in the heat of the moment not caring about your emotions at all. They're all people who cannot hold themselves accountable, they did not have your best interests at heart. The things that they said and did were to simply tear you down, it barely had anything to do with the mistakes you made but more about things that were in they own heads. "You think that you're the center everywhere" or "you're all that", things that are just their own insecurities. They were in fact very selfish, I'll give you an example, supposing you broke the girl code, the whole group turned against you but because you broke the girl code but because they all had their own personal grudges against you. Move on, they're not worth it. God/universe/whoever you believe in had to take you away from them because you were just better than them. I don't think that anyone is better than anyone but you were mature in many more aspects as opposed to them. You were trying to make things right and solve the matter at hand but they were just pushing their insecurities and grudges onto you. Your life has definitely gotten better in atleast two ways after these people left your life. Your closure = the disrespect.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

"Take my hand and hold on, tell me everything that you need to say. Cause I know how it feels to be someone, feels to be someone who loses their way."

"And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us, he's in the club doing I don't know what, you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much."

A crush that got nowhere? A 'friend' who's not just a friend? If someone came into your mind, this is your pile. This is tricky though, some of you could have come here thinking about a situationship or relationship break up that was really messy, you met someone after that though, didn't you? The person who you were in a situationship or relationship didn't care about you enough, they were unintentionally using you but it wasn't entirely 'unintentional', they knew that it could hurt you, you gave a lot to this person/situation so you were scorned but that's the happy ending, if you stuck around longer, things would've been worse. Your happy ending in this situation is to tap into your potential, make the most out of it, become more confident and to start a new cycle. For the ones, who met someone else after this situationship/relationship, you were in a state of anguish when you met this person. The situationship/relationship had left you completely drained out. I'll describe the person that you met after that in order to help you confirm. This person has a mind of their own, they are quite different from most people that you've met. They seem so free to you. They helped you change direction and made you feel more confident. They also seem to be a very confident person. They gifted you with a new perspective. The entire situation was very thrilling to you. You had a lot of fun with them and even they seemed to have fun with you. There were times when they seemed really enthusiastic around you. They're also someone who stands strong and has a lot of courage according to you. They're just so different (in the best way) according to you. You are confused because they were really generous with you. You might have gotten a little bit vulnerable around them too. There seems to be a level of connectivity (almost telepathic) between the both of you. They were quite receptive and talkative with you, the both of you were to a certain extent.

That was the dynamic so you don't understand how and why everything just ended. You feel like the both of you were quite observant when it comes to other. I feel like you're like "I just don't get it", I'm getting a little bit of disappointment. You wonder if you read in between the lines for things that don't even exist. You thought that they were curious about you too. Maybe also because of the past relationship/situationship, you started become a bit more rational and this just added onto that. You had really interesting conversations and felt connected to them, you felt a chemistry and connection. You felt like you had to kind of move away from your fairytale romance. 'Fairytale romance' that's how you looked at it. They did come into your life at a time like that so I get it. The ending between the both of you makes you question everything. The closure here is that you're still single, you're free to do whatever you desire. They came into your life as a catalyst of growth, to help you start a new journey. Their intentions towards you were not bad, they gave you a lot of hope for the future, they made you happy. They helped you prepare for a new journey, for most of you, you won't ever end up with this person but regardless of whether you do or not, you'll be fine. They reminded you of the life and love that you desire and deserve. They made it easier for you to let go of your former situationship/relationship. Even this situation, you should let it go. You should accept everything that has happened, forgive them if you do have any resentment against them and focus solely on yourself. You helped them release negative thoughts, feelings and patterns. Their deepest fears resurfaced when they met you and even they themself were healing. Something being fleeting or temporary does not make it insignificant, take care loves. If it wasn't for them, there's a high likelihood of you going back to past toxic people.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

"Why would you speak to me that way? Especially when I always said that I haven't got the words for you. All your diction dripping with disdain, I always tell the truth."

"I've never known someone like you, tangled in love, stuck by you, from the glue. Don't forget to kiss me or else you'll have to kiss me. I guess I'm forever stuck by the glue, oh and you?"

"Never thought I'd find you but you're here, and so I love you. I'm not lying when I say I've been stuck by the glue onto you."

Who cheated on you? If it was not cheating, it was still something that caused you to feel betrayed. Majority of you have mommy issues, some of you are here with her on your mind while the rest of you are here thinking about someone who is like your mother if you carefully think about it. You got manipulated. This person was out of control with their actions and words when it came to you. They were mean too. You really neglected yourself because of this person. They left you worrying quite a lot. This is giving me similar vibes to narcissistic abuse. You gave too much of yourself to this person :(. You pretty much treated this person like your family oh my god. You were clinging onto them. You were not willing to walk away and move on from this person until things got too much to bear, this person was stripped away from your life not gonna lie. With this person, you had really low self esteem. There were often times when you had to watch what you said just so you don't end up triggering this person because they used to say things to tear you down. They were not willing to communicate and they acted like you were trying to pick up fights. They made you feel a lot of guilt when it wasn't even your fault. You had to fake happiness with that person because everything was always about them, they might have underestimated you or belittled your emotions but you noticed it only after you left the situation and realised that they never cared about you. You started becoming really confident after you let go of them and it caused you a to be a little bit confused because of it. You realised that all of you needed was a leap of faith. They were definitely holding your potential down. You started feeling liberated and free, a very new and sort of uncomfortable feeling for you. They made you feel really humiliated in one way or another.

They were so conceited and honestly a piece of shit, you were just like "I was such a fool, how did I not see it earlier?" Plus the thing is that you were aware of such aspects existing within them, you just didn't know that they were so extreme. You also didn't understand how they could do that to you when you had nothing but pure intentions towards them. Your closure is that they're actually high drama. You were taking too many of their demands and being pressured when they didn't deserve any of it. I don't like to say things like this but you were too good for them, no matter how great they'd become or what they would do, they will never amount to you. Also, no matter how much harder you would've loved them, it wouldn't make them treat you better, I'm glad that you walked away. If you're having second thoughts about it, remember the disrespect, don't forget how much they hurt you. They're just a selfish piece of shit who never deserved you. Also, you were never compatible, you had interesting conversations because you're an interesting person, you had fun with them because you were a fun person, the connection lasted as long as it did only because of your tolerance. Your closure is that you know the right answer from within was to walk away. You were supposed to start seeing things from a different and clearer perspective. You were supposed to learn your boundaries now. It was important for you to find new purposes or realign with your purpose that you might have abandoned for other people. Your direction is supposed to be different from this person's and set there. You're supposed to be the one that got away and stayed away. You felt like you were stuck by a glue onto them because of the attachment that you had with them. It might have been difficult for you to leave this person earlier due to guilt, attachment or just loneliness, you might have been worried about them though.

#intuitive readings #astro notes #pick a card #pick a deck #pick a photo #astrology #astrovations #pick a picture #pick a gif #astro observations

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kazutora-lover · 1 year

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Not A Dream It's Love — Feel It

Itoshi Rin x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, best friends to lovers

Summary: You lose who you love the most — or, how you turn your biggest nightmare into your biggest blessing

Warnings: nothing too dramatic I suppose? Slightly ooc!rin?

Notes: Ugh, I don't even know what this is tbh skskskw. This is the first time that I've written something on the angstier side. I genuinely feel self-conscious about this one but oh well, hope someone enjoys ~

"We need to break up."

You couldn't believe your ears. Did Rin, your boyfriend of many years, your fiancé really just tell you that he is breaking up with you? Yes, you had bickered here and there like a normal and healthy couple would, but nothing serious ever occurred and you always made up immediately after. The both of you were way too attached to each other.

You didn't understand. What happened to Rin to want to break up with you all of a sudden? Did Rin fall out of love with you? Did you say or do something so utterly stupid that Rin couldn't take it anymore? But that couldn't be, you would know if you did such thing. For sure.

"Huh? Rin wait, what are yo—"

You wanted to grab him, take your lover's hand into your own and talk it out but Rin didn't budge. His facial expression was unreadable and even if you tried hard enough to look past his facade, you couldn't see anything but determination. He really meant those horrible words you never wanted to hear. Especially not from him. The love of your life.

"I'm breaking up with you, y/n."

You really didn't know how to react. Your lips started to wobble involuntarily and your body began to shake like the loose leafs that hung on for dear life on a windy autumn day.

The way your full name left the lips of your lover in question, hurt you more than you could've ever imagined. Not even a knife to your heart could've caused you such tremendous pain. You're sure it couldn't. All that would be left, was a wound so deep it could never heal and yet it still would've healed better than your soul that came crushing down on you.

Your voice sounded hoarse. It's like you've been crying for hours already and yet it's only been mere minutes. Minutes of trying to figure out what had caused this.

"Why? Please tell me what it is? Did I make you uncomfortable? Did I not give you enough space? Or did someone else do something to make you say this?"

You couldn't help the thoughts rushing through your head. You felt like you were in a rush, one second being left unspoken and Rin would slip away and out of your hands like everything was a mere fever dream.

"Y/n, please don't make it harder than it already is. I don't love you anymore and to be honest, I've stopped loving you months ago."

The dark haired man let out a groan, really not being in the mood for any discussions. He just wanted to get it over with. No disruptions whatsoever.

"While I was with you, I realized that we were never meant to be and to be honest, we probably never have been to begin with. You were just never the person I ought to have. And you can't give me what I need. Needless to say that you've been damn clingy too. Thanks to that because it made me realize things before we were able to get married."

By now your face was drenched by your salty tears. You didn't even realize when exactly they started to fall but your emotions equaled an ocean right now — and oceans are big. Your broken heart in exchange? It got shattered into millions of small pieces.

You were sure no one would ever be able to pick up the pieces ever again. And if someone ever managed to pick up a few, there would be a lot of them missing, still. No one could love you like Itoshi Rin. You couldn't love anyone like you love Itoshi Rin.

"You'll get over it, Y/n. Don't worry about the apartment. I'll get my clothes and the other stuff by next week and then you're free to do whatever you want with the rest. Don't worry about sleeping on the sofa either. I'm sleeping at someone else's place."

It felt unbelievable how Rin didn't show the slightest tinge of emotion. He said those things with a tone so normal, you would think he was about to congratulate you on whatever happy ending you just achieved.

Rin began to disappear out of your vision but you couldn't move your body. You felt trapped, paralyzed and helpless. Screams of Rin's name left your lips but it was to no avail. The man you loved slipped right through your fingertips.

You must've been gone for a little bit because when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by a rather worried pair of eyes that stared right back at you.

There they were again, those teal eyes you loved so much but wait — what was Rin doing, sitting next to you?

With a voice as raspy as it was before, you called out for the very man by your side. "Rin?"

Rin sighed in relief at the sound of your voice and placed one of his slightly cold hands on your forehead. "Y/n for fucks sake, you need to stop doing that. Stop pushing yourself when you're sick. You've got me worried shitless."

You on the other hand couldn't quite grip what was happening. Rin was calling you by your nickname. The name only he used for you. Then you took a look around and slowly came to notice that you were in your room, resting on your bed with Rin right by your side.

Before you could stop yourself you blurted out, "Say my name again. Please?"

Your best friend took a good look at you at first but obliged nonetheless, though a little hesitantly, ".... Y/n?"

That's it. You were having a fever dream. None of that shit you dreamt about was real. You know it because you and Rin aren't even a thing. You aren't engaged nor are you dating. You're just .... friends. You're STILL friends.

Before you even understood what was happening to you, hot tears began to roll down your cheeks and not even a few seconds later, two soft hands engulfed your warm cheeks to wipe the salty droplets away.

That was all it took — all it took for you to shoot up and draw Rin in for a hug. A hug you desperately needed. Because even though you were aware of the fact that none of the events you just went through were real, you needed to feel Rin's warmth, his body, his heartbeat and the fact that he wouldn't slip away again.

The latter was at a loss for words as he stumbled forwards messily and right into his best friend's arms, yours. He immediately felt that something was wrong. Something felt different and it was a first for Rin to feel disheartened.

While the dark haired man opted to tighten his arms around you, he couldn't help himself to ask, in the softest voice he could muster, "Y/n? You wanna talk about it?"

It took Rin a few seconds, seconds way too long for his liking until he received a response. It was quiet and muffled and accompanied by occasional sniffles but he understood it nonetheless. "No need, it was just a stupid nightmare."

A low sigh escaped Rin's lips as he spoke, his voice dangerously close to your ear. "You know you can tell me everything, right?"

A shiver ran down your spine at the way Rin talked to you, cared for you. After realizing that you've been spacing out again, Rin squeezed your torso in assurance.

"I know. Thank's Rin."

But deep in your mind, you had a different answer.

"No. Not about this one."

A few days have gone by and you were good to go again. All thanks to your friends who stopped by multiple times a day to make sure you took care of yourself. Or more like, for them to take care of you because they knew how whiny you could get at times of their absence.

In the moments you were alone, you had enough time to think about what happened in that hellish nightmare of yours. You were almost convinced that your dream wanted to tell you something.

Would it be better to keep your feelings to yourself? All bottled up? Should you just move on and forget about Rin? You still have him as your best friend, right? Maybe that's as close as you'll get but at least you won't lose him, ever.

You felt the uneasiness creep up again because you actually planned to confess your feelings soon. Now? You weren't so sure anymore....

This time you were at home at Rin's place. You guys originally planned a movie night with some of your shared friends, or more like only your friends, as Rin only endured their presence because of you. Turns out the other's had different plans all of a sudden. So you went to Rin's alone. At least you could watch whatever you wanted, as the two of you weren't as picky as the others were.

While Rin sat on his sofa and got comfortable already, you sat on the floor in front of the tv, ready to choose whatever movie you would watch. "Rin, wanna watch a horror movie?"

You wriggled with your eyebrows and Rin couldn't help but laugh at you. "Yeah? Let's watch one Y/n, bet you'll end up crying like a baby."

You loved to hear Rin laugh, it's so beautiful and melodic. Melodic it was indeed because it stopped before you got to enjoy more of it, "And come sit on the sofa, are you trying to go blind down there so close to the tv?"

Turning your head to look at him, you threw him a little smirk, "You're one to talk, aren't you?"

A scoff and an eye roll later and he told you to finally sit down with him or else he wouldn't allow you to ever sit down on his sofa again.

When you asked him why, he had told you that the floor was dirty. Jokes on him though because.. did that mean that his place was dirty to begin with?

He didn't take it well when you told him that.

More than an hour later and you guys were fully engulfed in the movie. Well, you were. Somehow.

Rin didn't understand what exactly it was that captured your interest, as he thought the movie was way too boring and predictable. His interest though, laid upon you and you alone.

He watched as your eyes flickered from one corner of the tv to another, analyzing the actors movements with caution and reminding yourself under your breath that whatever you were seeing wasn't real.

Rin found it amusing how you always claimed to like horror movies but still got scared of them by the end anyways. And suddenly he felt like being mischievous as his arm found its way around your form to give you a surprising squeeze.

A big jump and one loud shriek of yours later and you found Rin next to you, chuckling. And even though you would've enjoyed the sight of him enjoying himself, you almost emptied your bladder right then and there.

A soft but exaggeratedly shaken sigh left your lips as you spoke, almost breathlessly, "Rin for fucks sake, you scared me."

The man in question shot you a deadpan look and raised a brow, "Yeah? Wasn't me though, your imagination must be playing tricks on you. How scary."

Another sigh left your parted lips and almost involuntary, your secret got spilled, in a voice as quiet as a whisper.

"Not as scary as my feelings for you."

And Rin heard. If the background noise of the tv was loud seconds ago, it was as quiet as a pin dropping to the floor when you spoke. And his eyes followed every single movement of your lips as to make sure that he's not the one imagining things now.

For him, the movie and everything else around him has been long forgotten. It's you he's interested in and he's going to make sure that this time, he will make his next step your new reality.

You don't have to be scared of your feelings if they're reciprocated, right?

At least that's what Rin believed, as his heart had found its place in your palms long ago.

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x gn!reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock angst #blue lock scenarios #bllk #bllk x reader #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin fluff #dividers are custom made by @/benkeibear ♡#kazutora-lover

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colins-bridgerton · 3 months

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penelope & colin playlist

a year ago by james arthur

i wish it was a year ago i wish that i could hold you close now i'm driving past your house, i know the lights are on, you're not alone i wonder if you're making eyes i wonder if he loves you like the way you said that only i could do i wish that i could tell you that I miss you

ghost of you by seconds of summer

too young, too dumb to know things like love too young, too dumb to I drown it out like I always do dancing through our house with the ghost of you and i chase it down with a shot of truth that my feet don't dance like they did with you

far away by nickleback

i wanted you to stay 'cause i needed i need to hear you say that i love you i loved you all along and I forgive you for being away for far too long so keep breathing 'cause i'm not leaving you anymore believe it hold on to me, and never let me go

oceans by seafret

it feels like there's oceans between you and me once again we hide our emotions Under the surface and try to pretend but it feels like there's oceans between you and me i want you i want you and i always will it feels like there's oceans between you and me

give me a minute by the coronas

and i can't remember how we got so wrapped up in it hold on i'm not finished just give me a minute i'm not finished and if you don't mind i can live with it just a minute i'm not finished would you be so kind just to forgive it

can i be him by james arthur

i heard there was someone but i know he don't deserve you if you were mine i'd never let anyone hurt you no no I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips It's all that I've been thinking about 'cause a light came on when i heard that song and i want you to sing it again i swear that every word you sing you wrote them for me like it was a private show

before by ulrik munther

before we burn each other up before we lose our minds before i'm not enough for you baby I need some time before you break my heart oh before we need to talk before it even starts i mean i'm sorry i didn't call

you're loosing me by taylor swift

how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me i'm the best thing at this party (you're losin' me) andi wouldn't marry me either a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her and i'm fadin', thinkin' "do something, babe, say something" (say something) "lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) "choose something, babe, i got nothing" (i got nothing) "to believe, unless you're choosin' me"

deep end by birdy

i don't know if you mean everything to me and I wonder, can i give you what you need? don't want to find i've lost it all too scared to have no one to call so can we just pretend that we're not falling into the deep end?

love me or leave me by little mix

and love me baby please cause i could still be the only one you need the only one close enough to feel you breathe yeah I could still be that place where you run Instead of the one that you're running from, ooh you, can take this heart heal it or break it all apart no, this isn't fair love me or leave me here

cross your mind by calum scott

tell me, do i ever cross your mind? do i ever keep you up at night? thinking 'bout what coulda been if we did it all again i've been trying to keep an open door even though you've got the locks on yours tell me even after all of this time do i ever cross your mind like you cross mine? do i?

wrong direction by hailee steinfeld

loved me with your worst intentions didn't even stop to question every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven loved me with your worst intentions painted us a happy ending every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven and it's so gut-wrenchin' fallin' in the wrong direction

loves you like i coudn't do by dunacan laurence

i hope you find that someone who'll love you and it feels like all that you wanted thought it would last if we just kept running we played our hand, now we're left with nothing hope you find that someone who'll hold you In a way that i always wanted to a hundred shots, but we kept on missing there's no regrets, 'cause we tried, my love I hope you find that someone who loves you like i couldn't do

a little bit yours by jp saxe

you found someone new, before me and you didn't try nearly as hard and maybe that's the problem i don't know how to take it away from you without giving someone else my heart all I do Is get over you and i'm still so bad at it i let myself want you i let myself try i let myself fall back into your eyes i let myself want you i let myself hope i let myself feel things i know that you don't you're not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours

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axlerica · 9 months

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SECOND CHANCES~

-The One Where Trust Was Broken-

Pedri's fame and flirtations lead to the end of his relationship with Y/N. When they meet again, he begged for a second chance. Can they overcome the past and find a second chance at love? A journey of healing and rediscovery.

Once upon a time, in a bustling city of Barcelona. Y/N and Pedri were two young hearts who fell deeply in love. They met by chance at a local coffee shop, bonding over their shared love for art and poetry. Their connection was instant, and soon, they became inseparable.

As Pedri's football career began to take off, the demands of his new life as a professional player started to take a toll on their relationship. The long training hours, constant media attention, and traveling with the team made it increasingly difficult for him to spend time with Y/N.

One evening, after a particularly challenging match, Y/N decided to surprise Pedri at his apartment. As she opened the door, her heart sank at the sight before her. Pedri was surrounded by a group of girls, laughing and enjoying themselves.

Her voice shook as she confronted him, "Pedri, what's going on here?"

Pedri turned towards her, his face pale with guilt. "Y/N, it's not what it looks like," he stammered, trying to explain.

But Y/N couldn't bear to hear any more. Tears welled up in her eyes as she choked back the words, "I trusted you, Pedri. How could you do this to me?"

Pedri reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away, feeling betrayed and hurt. "I didn't think it would hurt you this much, We were just having a party. That’s all.” he admitted.

"How could you not think it would hurt me?" Y/N's voice trembled with anger and sadness. "We were supposed to be in this together, but you've become so distant, so careless."

Pedri tried to explain, "I've been under so much pressure, and I made a mistake. These girls, they don't mean anything to me, I swear."

But Y/N couldn't bear to hear any more excuses. "I can't do this, Pedri. I can't be with someone who doesn't value our love," she said, her voice trembling with pain.

As tears streamed down her cheeks, she turned and walked away, leaving Pedri standing there, filled with regret and remorse. He knew he had made a grave mistake, and the consequences of his actions were too painful to bear.

In the following days, Pedri tried to reach out to Y/N, desperate to apologize and make amends. But the damage was done, and Y/N couldn't bring herself to forgive him. The heartbreak was too deep, and she knew she had to prioritize her own happiness and well-being.

And so, their once beautiful love story ended in heartbreak and sorrow. Pedri's fame and the pressures of his football life led him astray, and Y/N had to find the strength to heal and move forward without him.

In the years that followed, Pedri became one of the greatest footballers in the world, achieving incredible success on the field. But deep down, he always carried the regret of losing the one person who had loved him unconditionally.

As for Y/N, she focused on her art and her travels, finding solace in the beauty of the world around her. Though scarred by the past, she learned to cherish the memories of their time together and embraced the journey of healing and self-discovery.

Two years after the breakup , Pedri's attempts to reach out to Y/N remained unanswered. Each unanswered call and unopened message deepened the chasm between them. As the weight of his fame grew heavier, Pedri's personality started to change.

The adoration and praise from fans, coupled with his on-field success, fueled his ego. Pedri became more distant from his teammates, spending his time surrounded by a new group of people who were enamored by his stardom. The once humble and grounded player began to develop an air of arrogance, losing sight of the values that had endeared him to others in the first place.

His teammates noticed the change, and some tried to offer guidance, reminding him of the person he used to be. But Pedri brushed them off, convinced that he knew better. He no longer felt the need to work hard or prove himself, believing that his talent alone was enough to maintain his status.

Meanwhile, Y/N focused on rebuilding her life and finding happiness outside of the football world. Though the pain of their breakup still lingered, she was determined to move forward. She immersed herself in her art, traveling to different places and finding inspiration in every corner of the world.

One day, as Pedri was scrolling through his social media feed, he came across a post from Y/N. Her artwork was showcased in an art gallery, and the comments were filled with admiration for her talent and creativity.

For a moment, Pedri's heart tugged at the sight of her success, but he quickly dismissed the feeling. His ego had grown too large, and he couldn't bear to see her thriving without him.

Time passed, and Pedri's arrogance only intensified. He relished the attention and privileges that came with his fame, often disregarding the feelings and needs of those around him. His former humility seemed like a distant memory, replaced by a haughty demeanor that rubbed others the wrong way.

As the years went by, Pedri's career continued to flourish, but his personal life remained empty. He had attained fame and wealth, but the void left by his broken relationship with Y/N lingered, and no amount of success could fill it.

On a rainy evening, as Pedri sat alone in his luxurious penthouse, he found himself reminiscing about the love he had lost. He realized that he had become a shell of the person he once was and that his fame had brought him more loneliness than joy.

In a moment of clarity, he decided to look up Y/N's number once again, hoping to reconnect after all this time. But as he dialed her number, his heart sank when he heard the familiar automated message stating that the number was no longer in service.

Pedri's eyes filled with tears, realizing that he had let go of the one person who truly loved him for who he was. He had become too blinded by fame and his own self-importance to see the value of their love.

And so, in the bustling city where fame and success reigned, Pedri's journey had come full circle. The once humble and kind-hearted young man had become a shadow of his former self, while the woman who had loved him unconditionally had found her own path to happiness and fulfillment.

As the rain poured outside, Pedri sat alone, reflecting on the choices he had made and the person he had become. The road to fame had come at a high cost, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was worth losing the love that had once meant everything to him.

—————————

One gloomy afternoon, as raindrops fell gently on the city's streets, Pedri found himself seeking solace in their favorite coffee shop – the very place where their love story had begun. He ordered his usual, a cortado, and settled into a corner booth, lost in a sea of memories that flooded his mind.

Little did he know that fate had other plans for him that day. As he sipped his coffee, he looked up, and his heart skipped a beat. There, standing just a few feet away, was Y/N. She looked as radiant as ever, her eyes twinkling like stars in the night sky.

For a moment, time stood still. Pedri's heart raced, unsure of what to do next. The memories of their past love and the pain of their breakup weighed heavily on him. His ego and arrogance seemed to vanish, leaving him vulnerable and exposed.

Y/N noticed Pedri's gaze, and her eyes met his. The air was charged with unspoken emotions. She hesitated for a moment, unsure if she should approach him after all these years.

Pedri swallowed hard, gathering his courage. He stood up and took a step towards Y/N, his heart pounding in his chest. "Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with a mix of apprehension and hope.

Y/N's eyes softened as she looked at him. "Pedri," she replied, her voice equally tender. "It's been a long time."

He nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "I know, and I've missed you," he admitted, his vulnerability shining through.

She gave him a sad smile, "I missed you too, but things have changed, Pedri. We've both moved on."

He took a deep breath, "I know I made a lot of mistakes back then. My ego got the best of me, and I lost sight of what truly mattered."

Y/N looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. "Pedri, it's okay. We were both young, and life took us in different directions."

He reached out to touch her hand gently, "But I never stopped loving you, Y/N. I was a fool to let you go."

She looked down, her heart torn between the past and the present. "Pedri, we can't change the past. We can only learn from it and move forward," she said, her voice trembling.

Pedri nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "I understand, but I just had to tell you how much you meant to me. I'll always cherish the memories we shared."

Y/N's gaze softened, and she gave him a bittersweet smile. "I'll cherish them too, Pedri. But we both need to find our own happiness now."

They stood there, facing each other, the weight of their history heavy in the air. As the rain continued to fall outside, they knew it was time to say their goodbyes once again.

Pedri's heart ached as he watched Y/N walk away, knowing that he had let go of the person who had loved him unconditionally. He had lost her once, and now, he had to come to terms with the consequences of his choices.

As Y/N walked away, Pedri's heart couldn't bear the thought of losing her again. With a rush of adrenaline, he made a split-second decision and ran after her through the pouring rain.

"Y/N, please wait!" he called out, his voice filled with desperation.

She turned around, surprised to see him running towards her. The rain continued to fall heavily, but neither of them seemed to care about getting soaked.

Pedri stopped in front of her, his breathing heavy from both the run and the emotional turmoil inside him. "I can't let you go like this," he said, trying to steady his voice.

Y/N looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and regret in them. "Pedri, what are you doing?" she asked, her heart torn between wanting to give him another chance and protecting herself from potential hurt.

"I made a mistake, a big one, and I regret it every day," he confessed, his voice cracking. "I know I became arrogant and let my fame get to my head. But none of it mattered without you. You were the light of my life, and I lost sight of that."

Tears mixed with raindrops on Y/N's cheeks as she listened to his words. "Pedri, I loved you so much, but I couldn't bear the pain of watching you change. It broke my heart," she whispered.

"I know, and I'm so sorry for hurting you," he said, reaching out to gently wipe away her tears. "But I've learned from my mistakes, and I promise you, Y/N, I'll do whatever it takes to be a better person and be worthy of your love again."

Y/N took a step back, trying to compose herself. "Pedri, I can't just forget what happened. It hurt too much."

"I understand, and I don't expect you to forgive me right away," he said, his eyes pleading. "But please, give us another chance. Let me show you that I've changed."

As the rain poured down around them, Y/N hesitated, torn between the love she once had for Pedri and the pain of their past. She knew that forgiving him wouldn't be easy, but she also knew that deep down, her heart still longed for him.

"I need time, Pedri," she finally said, her voice barely audible over the rain.

"I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes," he vowed, reaching for her hand. "I'll prove to you that you're the most important thing in my life."

Y/N looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. "If you truly mean that, then show me through your actions, not just your words," she said, holding back the tears.

Pedri nodded, determination in his gaze. "I promise, Y/N. I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and love back."

And so, with their hearts heavy with the weight of their past and the hope of a future, Pedri and Y/N stood in the rain, at the crossroads of love and forgiveness. Only time would tell if their love story would find its way back to the happiness they once shared.

Should I do a part 2 for this?

#pedri gonzalez #pedrito #pedri x reader #pedri x y/n #pedri imagine #pedri x you #imagine footballer #footballer #pedri angst #pedri fanfic #pedri #fc barcelona #barcalona

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byeuijoo · 5 months

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fake a kiss and heal a heart 𐀔 han dongmin

⠀⠀⠀chapter two. : false emergency & another drink.

warnings : alcohol consumption, low self-esteem, crying, like one swear word, mention of throwing-up ⋆ word count : 4,776

serie masterlist ✩ boynextdoor masterlist

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A WEEK HAD PASSED SINCE YOU LAST SAW HAN DONGMIN, and since that unforgettable chaotic party, you had received no news from him. at the same time, after escaping the house like thieves, you parted ways to continue your respective homeward journeys, letting brief goodbyes fly in the wind from your fingertips. despite dongmin's insistence on walking you home that night, you assured him that everything would be fine and he absolutely had to go home and take care of himself — you still remember his cheeks and eyes red from the torrents of tears he shed. and afterwards, you waited a long time for any message from him, just to know he was feeling better. but nothing. no message, no call, nothing at all. so you tried to think of something else, to go on with your life as it was before you met him, go to school, see your friends.. but your subconscious kept bringing your thoughts back to his pretty black cat eyes. had he been crying again? was he, at least, going to class? was he eating properly? a whole host of unanswered questions stayed in your head, because after all, you'd just played a part during one night.

so today, like every other day, you were off to class, spending the day with your closest friends, laughing and chatting, making fun of your science teacher's disastrous new haircut, before you rush off to your part-time job at the little grocery store down your apartment, serving the same customers at the same time again and again. and again. at least, dongmin was part of what finally changed your daily routine — even if in reality, you had nothing to complain about.

greeting your replacement colleague as you pushe open the door to the deserted street, you suddenly felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. thinking it was your mother calling again to see if you were eating properly, you let out a long sigh leave your lips, before discovering the contact name displayed on your screen. han dongmin. han dongmin. you repeated in your head, frowning, before finally picking up the phone. « hello? » you say softly, squinting as you hear all the noise that seems to be coming from the other side of the cellar. « y/n? it's han dongmin. » — his voice sounded fluid, if slightly shaky. was he drinking? starting to walk down the street, you spoke again after a few seconds, « i know. i know it's you. is everything okay? »

« are you free? like right now? » he asked, a little too brusquely, « there's a party planned and i've only just decided to go, will you come with me? »

it was a bit hasty — you hadn't even gone home yet, and you already had to go and meet him. you hesitated for long seconds, leaving him unanswered on the other end of the line, biting your lower lips out of habits, weighing the pros and cons. after all, if you think about it, you've got absolutely nothing else to do : your homework was already done, your apartment was tidy.. but you still had to go home and feed your cat. « well.. okay, of course, i can come. but please, give me 20 minutes to go home to feed my cat, okay? » you replied, quickening your pace to reach your apartment, which was not far from your working place. you heard him mumble something, and the noise was momentarily muffled, before his voice became clear again, « okay. thank you, i'll send you the address by message. »

after saying goodbyes and see you laters, you finally reached your apartment building, casually typing in your code before taking the elevator to your floor. when you opened the door to your home, you were instantly greeted by a little black cat who seemed to have missed you very much, the latter rubbing your leg in an affectionate gesture. « hey buddy, » you say in a voice that's far too high-pitched, lowering yourself to his level to caress his back, « are you hungry? mommy's home to feed you. »

after getting rid of your shoes for a moment, you rummaged through the cupboards and pulled out a bag of cat meat, preparing the bowl. while he quietly savored his meal, you stroked the top of his head, wondering why dongmin's voice sounded so strange on the phone. « was he already at the party..? » you asked yourself, your attention drifting to your phone, which showed you a new notification. the young boy had just sent you the address of his current location. while ensuring that your pet finishes its meal, you put on a slightly warmer jacket to face the night's cold wind, slipping on your shoes again before stepping outside. entering the address into your phone's gps, you hurriedly followed the indicated path, not wanting to keep him waiting too long.

but to your astonishment, when you arrived at the building associated with this address, you were faced with a bar, where a few groups of friends and a few drunks seemed to be enjoying the loud music and free-flowing alcohol. that was the party? sighing as you put your phone away in your jacket pocket, you entered the building, looking all around you for any trace of dongmin in the crowd. and after a few seconds of searching, you saw him leaning against a table, no doubt refilling yet another glass of soju. approaching his table, you finally stop beside him, pushing an almost accusatory index finger against his shoulder, « so.. this is your so-called last-minute party? »

the boy raised his face to yours, his expression changing at the sight of you. his eyes were slightly red, in contrast to his cheekbones, which betrayed his level of alcohol consumption, his hair was slightly a mess and the stupid smile on his lips showed perfectly that his thoughts weren't the clearest in the world. « oh y/n, you're here ! » he says cheerfully, raising his glass to you before finishing it in one gulp, right in front of your astonished eyes, « i was waiting for you. » he added, moving aside slightly to make room for you to sit next to him. throwing off your jacket, you settled on the bench next to him as he motioned to the waiter to bring him more bottles, before meeting your stern gaze. « what? » he asked, in a slightly mocking tone, « the party's just a small group. you, me and soju. »

rolling your eyes at his answer, you rested your back against the back of the seat, crossing your arms against your chest, while he busied himself pouring you both a drink. when he had finished, he handed you the little glass tumbler, tilting his head slightly to one side, giving him a very cute look, « drink with me? » — hesitating for a few seconds, you finally gave in to temptation, grabbing the glass before tapping it gently against his, finally letting the alcoholic liquid run down your throat. in the end, there was nothing wrong with spending an evening in his company, even if alcohol clearly controlled his actions.

you watched him for long minutes as he talked to you about everything and anything, spouting off sometimes incomprehensible words at record speed. he, who seemed so shy and reserved in the short time you'd seen him last, seemed to have shattered the glass shell that had previously surrounded him. it was another side of him that seemed to appeal to you, it was different and interesting, even if it was thanks to all the alcohol he'd ingested, a cheerful dongmin who put aside his sadness was suddenly a little more attractive. so you let him do whatever he wanted, watching him swallow glass after glass of soju as if it were lemonade, and the redness spread to the top of his cheeks, before invading his nose. resting your cheek against the palm of your hand, the latter holding it in place, you sometimes slipped a few chips into his mouth to put something other than alcohol in his stomach — you still had to prevent him from getting sick the next day, even if you could bet the headache would last all day.

as time passed, the night grew darker and darker and the bar's population became less frequent, leaving only a few people busy happily consuming around you, with a background of music that is more than pleasant. a gentle smile tugged at your lips as you mumbled the lyrics to the song that was playing, watching your friend play mechanically with the cork of one of the many empty bottles on the table. even though sleep crackled lightly in your eyes, you weren't about to leave him alone : at the very least, your mission was to make sure he got home in one piece at the end of the evening. « y/n.. » he said suddenly, an octave below his previous tone, drawing your attention and making you frown, « why did she give up on me? »

your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him, unsure of what to say. his trembling voice seemed to be filled with bitterness and bad feelings — his cheerful alcohol was suddenly leaning towards a sad one. knowing that you couldn't find the words to comfort dongmin, you simply continued to watch him with compassionate, desolate eyes. a sigh left his lips as he placed his hands against his eyes, a sniffle denouncing a sob coming up, prompting you to place your hand against his shoulder. « you know.. » he started, even if his voice was camouflaged by his hands, you could clearly understand his words, « no matter how hard i try, i can't figure out what i did wrong to make her go away. »

it was strange to be able to feel someone's pain and sadness just by the way they spoke, by the tone used, by the crack of the voice, and the sob stifled in the back of the throat. even though dongmin tried to hold back the tears at the barrier of his eyes as much as possible, some of them managed to escape and slide down his cheeks to stain the blue of his t-shirt. you could hear him sniffling, trying to find the right words to express what he was feeling deep down, to be able to cry out his pain to the world and evacuate the remorse that crackled in his heart. breaking up with someone is never easy when you've sincerely loved them — you feel that all the feelings you have confided to this person, were in vain. dongmin pursed his lips for a few seconds, preventing them from trembling as he seemed to rub his eyes so hard it burned, but the touch of your warm fingers on his neck encouraged him to continue confiding in you.

he was terribly angry at himself for lying to you about a supposedly non-existent party, when the truth was that he simply didn't want to be alone tonight. he could very well have asked jaehyun or woonhak to stay with him, but the comfort they brought him was not the same as yours. in his head, the images of the other party played over and over again like an old broken record, the sight and sound of jieum introducing her new boyfriend echoed in every corner of his head like an evil curse. and ever since, he's been comparing what she had before with what she has now : he was no match for sungho. at first glance and from what he had learned since, sungho was tall, super handsome, broad-shouldered and sporty, very intelligent, mature and interested in many things. he was top of his class, helpful, cute.. in another terms, he was perfect. it was much more than dongmin had to offer. he can't help but think that way — but the sensation of your mouth against his was still perched on his lips, like a soft, sweet, comforting veil. that's what led him to believe that the comfort you brought him was different from that of his friends, something about you made his heart bleed less. it was inexplicable. he remembers the glimmer of hope that crackled in his fingertips when his gaze met yours after the fiasco of this party, which is probably also why he felt he could confide even the saddest details of his life.

« dongmin, you don't have to- » you began to say, speaking again after a long silence in which just the music and laughter of other dudes, far too loud, disturbed your peace and quiet, but dongmin spoke again, removing his hands from his face to pull on his sleeves like a child, « you know she told me she never really loved me? »

and at that precise moment, your heart clenched in your chest. you couldn't imagine the pain he must have felt at her words — especially when it was clear that, he, was really, really in love with her. a tear rolled down his cheek, and you hurried to wipe it away, using your sleeve to touch his skin and rid it of that drop of salty water. « i think i gave my all in that relationship, she really seemed to love me, i swear, » he continued, sniffling as he played mechanically with the edge of his sweatshirt, « but i guess i was just a pawn in her life. a distraction before she finds something better elsewhere. » a wobbly, almost mocking laugh escaped his lips before he raised his glass to his lips, finishing it in one gulp. your index finger glided along the back of dongmin's neck, tapping against his skin, simply to remind him that you were there, listening to him. « what a fucking idiot. i was so naive.. » a sigh left his lips before he stared at the ground, closing his eyes to contain more tears.

« don't be so hard on yourself, » you whispered, your fingers brushing the edge of his jaw, « you're the one who suffers most in this story. » — seeing that he didn't react to your words, you decided to simply admired him silently, your eyes tracing the curves of his face with a simple glance. how could a boy be so pretty when he was crying? you thought, looking at his cheekbones and especially the tip of his nose reddened by the tears that constantly threatened to roll down his cheeks. dongmin was already a member of the category of pretty boys you had met or seen in your life, but seeing how cute he was, even with such sadness in his eyes, made your little heart go crazy. you probably shouldn't say things like that, especially since he was so devastated and was confiding in you about his unhappiness, but you couldn't help yourself. the boy hadn't stopped occupying your thoughts for a few days, so to be able to see him again now made you a little happy — putting aside the reasons for his call.

« i really thought i could be loved, you know, just for who i am, » his voice was even more broken now, and even though you wanted to stop him from saying that kind of thing, you decided to remain silent, « but i guess i'm not good enough for that. »

but those were the most unjustified words you've ever heard : you may not have known him very well, as your meeting was quite recent, but for the little you did know, dongmin was anything but unloveable. so you couldn't let him say those things about himself, you had to change his mind, and you swore you'd succeed in changing his negative thoughts. no matter how long it takes. « yah, han dongmin, » you say suddenly, drawing his attention, his teary eyes settling on your face, « get these stupid ideas out of your head. »

your hands settled on his cheeks, the feel of your cold fingers against his skin making his heart race. using your thumbs, you grazed his cheekbones to chase away the almost dry tears that had managed to escape his pretty hazelnut eyes. your pupils juggled from one eye to the other, letting a small, sincere smile cling to your mouth. « if she's not capable of loving you, you'll find someone else who will, okay? » you almost whispered, but loud enough for him to hear your words despite the loud music and bursts of laughter. dongmin couldn't control the tears that mingled with your fingers on his cheeks, trying not to burst into tears at the mere thought that jieum really didn't have a single sincere feeling towards him. « you're not a lost cause, and you're worth loving, » you added, caressing his skin tenderly, and only god knows how grateful he was to the alcohol for turning his face red, so you wouldn't notice the shyness crackling on his cheeks, « believe me, your heart will eventually erase jieum to accept someone else's love. »

see. this is the kind of comfort dongmin was thinking of : the kind that warms your heart until it burns, the kind that creates whirlwinds in your stomach, the kind that blurs your thoughts. that's the kind of comfort you were able to give him, far more effective than that of even his closest friends. the boy in front of you nibbled lightly on his lower lip, while you busied yourself chasing away the tears escaping from his eyes — and the urge to place a kiss on the tip of his reddened nose was growing stronger and stronger. but he decided to act before you did, letting his body fall heavily against yours, camouflaging himself in your arms like a child eager for warmth. you could feel his whole body trembling as your fingers came to wrap around his waist, holding him against you, as his forehead rested against the warmth of your neck. he didn't say a word, and you didn't dare make a sound, preferring simply to hold him against your heart until he feels better and this bubble of sadness finally deigns to leave him in peace.

so you laid your cheek against the top of his head, your fingers dancing mechanically along his spine, music lulling your alcohol-fogged thoughts. well.. especially him. you didn't dare imagine how much this soju consumption would cost him, observing the number of dead bottles on the edge of the table. you just sincerely hoped that drinking wouldn't become a habit — you were going to keep an eye on him for the next few weeks to make sure about it. moving your fingers up to the nape of his neck, you felt his body get heavier, and slower breathing.. did he fell asleep? tilting your head slightly, you finally caught sight of his closed eyes and slightly open mouth, alcohol having taken its toll on his fatigue levels.

« eh, han dongmin.. » you said, gently shaking his arm so as not to rouse him, but even after several attempts, the poor exhausted boy remained completely asleep. a long annoyed sigh left your lips — you certainly didn't need to deal with a drunken young adult at the end of the evening. but you definitely couldn't leave him there. first of all, it wasn't your style, and on top of that, you didn't want anything bad to happen to him. he'd already had a bad enough night to have to deal with waking up in a bar the next day. looking around, you wondered how you were going to get him home. you didn't know his address, you didn't have a car, and you definitely couldn't carry him through all the streets of seoul. maybe you could contact one of his friends to come and pick him up? it seemed to be the best solution. but in order to do that, you needed to find his phone first, so you could find that someone's number. diverting your gaze to your table, you found dongmin's phone resting on a paper napkin, and as you moved, trying as best you could not to wake him, you caught his cell phone between your fingers, before putting a victorious smile on your face, « got it..! »

pressing the button to unlock it, you inevitably came face to face with the face id — of course, he had to protect his phone's data like everyone else. biting your lip and pretending to think, a brilliant idea occurred to you. turning the screen on again, you placed it in front of dongmin's face, hoping very, very hard that it would unlock despite his closed eyes and lack of vitality. « please.. » you whispered, squinting your eyes until a victorious little scream escaped your mouth at the sight of his home screen. it was a little worrying that it was so easy, but it did work. good for you. opening the message application, you glanced over the conversations to find one of the people he talked to the most, and just as you were about to press a certain jaehyun, your eyes fell on a more than interesting name.

“ girlfriend ”

titling your head slightly to the side, you mentally kicked yourself for wanting so badly to find out who was behind the name. was it jieum? was it someone else? but if he already had a girlfriend, why did he hire you as one last time? pursing your lips in hesitation, you finally clicked into the conversation, and what you discovered caused your heart to miss a beat.

the sight of your recently exchanged messages flashed before your eyes. so it was you? but, why did he name you like that? you didn't understand why he simply didn't write your name, as you did. maybe it was just so no one would suspect a certain fake relationship. or maybe he did it before he knew your name. which seemed unlikely, in reality. the phone finally locked in your fingers, under your question-filled eyes, and even though you seemed genuinely shaken by this discovery, you still had to find a way to get dongmin out of that bar.

as you seemed deep lost in thought, the boy in your arms moved slightly, his arms clinging to you like a baby koala to its mother. his face camouflaging itself a little more in your neck, his breathing now tickling your sensitive skin, sending a shiver down your spine and drawing your attention. your pupils settled on his face, which you caught a glimpse of the shadow of his eyelashes marrying the apple of his cheeks — even marked by the sadness that seemed to consume him from within, dongmin remained a boy so cute he made your heart flutter. brushing his cheek with your fingertips, a light sigh left your lips, « or shall i take you home with me? »

bringing your phone to your ear, you gave your address to the cab driver, who told you he'd be there in a few minutes. nodding to the waiter, you kindly asked him if you could pay the bill, and if he would be so kind as to help you escort dongmin to the extension — which he did, offering you the prettiest of smiles, but you seemed far too preoccupied with something to notice. dongmin seemed slightly less sleepy as the cold outside tickled the tip of his nose, but that didn't stop him from camouflaging himself in your arms again, his face once more wrapped in the collar of your jacket and your neck. « what do we do? » he managed to articulate, his hands clutching at the fabric of your coat as you looked down the road for the cab that was due to arrive any second, « we're going home. » you answered simply, while he just nodded, without protest or questions.

once the car ride was over, when you thought he was going to throw up all the alcohol he'd consumed on the back seats, you made him walk with difficulty to your building. as he mumbled through his teeth, his eyes struggling to stay open, you pressed the elevator buttons and waited patiently for it to reach your floor. « i'm sleepy.. » he whispered, once again letting all his weight fall into your arms. holding him upright with as much force as possible, you swiveled your head to face his, the tip of his nose brushing your cheek in the process. « we're almost there, can you make one last effort, please? » your voice sounded much more pleading than you'd intended, but you could swear your arms would eventually give out if you had to keep carrying him to your living room.

so he complied, nodding positively at your tone of voice, not without leaning against one of your shoulders to avoid collapsing on the ground. dongmin knew he'd probably forget some of the details of this long evening, but he promised himself he wouldn't forget to apologize to you for the embarrassment he'd caused. he'd probably feel ashamed for having let himself go so much during the night, especially right now — but the dark-haired boy told himself that it was so easy to talk to you, that blurting out what was in his mind and in his heart lately, wasn't such a big mistake. in general, he wasn't the type to confide in others, preferring to play it cool, but with you, everything seemed different, as if he entered a different world every time you were around. was he going crazy? probably. but it was nothing as long as he could meet you in his madness.

the sound of your key in the lock woke him from his thoughts, as he advanced like a robot controlled by your hands in this room that was totally unfamiliar to him. he couldn't express the joy he felt when his body came into contact with something soft, warm, while your hands were busy taking off his jacket, still cold from the outside air. placing his belongings on the coffee table, you helped him to lie down properly on your sofa. without further ado, dongmin fell asleep almost instantly, by the time you had run back and forth between your bedroom and the living room to bring him a warm blanket. unfolding the latter, you placed it gently on him, covering his whole body so he wouldn't catch cold. you quickly poured him a glass of water and left some headache pills on the table, convinced that the day after that evening was not going to be kind to him.

crouching down beside him, you watched dongmin's sleeping face for a few seconds, tucking a lock of his dark hair neatly back against his forehead. he looked so peaceful : probably thinking of nothing but sleep, leaving aside all his bad thoughts from his daily life. something inside you was forming, as your heart became attached to this new person in your life. dongmin, who was supposed to be just an employer, now seemed to be moving into a much more important category. the one your heart particularly loved to control. it might be hard to believe, even a little crazy, but you felt closer to him than to some of your friends at the moment.

gently caressing his cheek with the back of your hand, a sweet smile clung to your lips. « so much pain for someone so young.. » you whispered, almost like an inaudible sigh, thinking back to all the devastating sadness you'd seen in him tonight. he really looked broken, destroyed because of what jieum had done to him, when he seemed to have done nothing but love her during those long months. life was sometimes cruel even to the most beautiful people in this world — so all you could do was try to pick up the pieces of his heart, one by one. and that would take as long as it took to mend. but you swear to restore dongmin's ability to feel loved.

« you deserve to be happy, han dongmin. good night. »

and with one last kiss on his forehead, you let the pretty boy occupy your couch for one night.

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taglist ౨ৎ @leehanist @hikarii02 @lsmble @wtfhyuck @kjwnsz @en-dream

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amberlynnmurdock · 5 months

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Blind Faith (Ch. 15)

Chapter Fifteen: Sunday

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You and Matt wake up on Sunday and talk about what's happened and where to go next.

Warnings: 18+ content, smut, unprotected sex.

A/N: Thank you all for being here since I started this fic in July. This has been my favorite Matt Murdock fic I've written because of the time and planning I put into it. If you've left a like, or reblog, or a comment on here, THANK YOU. It means the world to me to write fanfic and share it with people who want to read <3 Here is the final chapter of Blind Faith. I hope you like it!

Ao3 Link

Hell’s Kitchen

You stayed with Matt the whole weekend, and the whole weekend seemed to go by just as fast as it had come. One moment, you’re on your way to a date. The next, you’re blacked out and waking up in your savior’s apartment which actually turned out to be your boss’. Yeah, you could say you’ve had a long weekend.

Your body felt fully recovered from the drug’s side effects, but it was your mind that still needed healing. Despite being saved from that terrible nightmare, you now were taking what you experienced with you everywhere. If it wasn’t you who poured a drink, you wouldn’t have it.

Sunday.

Bright and dry. Unlike the previous day’s weather of wet, stormy, and dark.

And of course, the breaking news on Saturday morning.

You didn’t want to spend more time than you needed to on him, but when you saw the breaking news flash across WHIH’s channel, your heart dropped. Zack was found by police and arrested for illegal drug possession. It occurred to you that you hadn’t seen him since the start of that dreadful night, so to see the footage of him knocked unconscious and bloody, tied to his dining room table, you froze. As soon as the image came on, Matt shut the TV off.

Now, Sunday, you lay in Matt’s bed, with Matt beside you. Sunlight shone through his windows and onto the bed, lighting up the bottom half. You stretched under his silk blankets.

Your legs felt sore from all the sex you had with Matt, which was going to be quite unforgettable once you’ve left. You looked around his living room through the half-opened sliding door and put it to memory: the brown, ratty leather couch. A mismatched dark blue chair. A light gray patterned rug. The brick walls. This bedroom that you’ve committed to memory of how soft his silk sheets felt on your skin just as you’ve committed to memory of the way he kissed your entire body.

You felt your heart flutter at the memory of Matt pulling you roughly against his body the night before. His hands tangled in your hair and pulled gently for his lips to find their way to your neck. Matthew, whispering in your ear that he’s wanted this for so long—he’s wanted you for so long.

And there he was, doing it all over again.

“Come here,” he murmurs half asleep, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close.

He didn’t leave your side once this weekend, and you didn’t want him to. Mostly because you weren’t sure if you’d ever have another weekend like this. A weekend with him. Being with him in general.

It was a question the two of you were avoiding after that first night: where do we go from here?

You’ve certainly spent most of the time thinking of this. And you were afraid too much had happened for you and Matt to take things any further. But you haven’t said this to him…because you thought you wouldn’t be able to get the words out.

You’re damn near close to tears even thinking of it. And you know Matt can sense them in the air. He doesn’t ask you why you’re crying. He just pulls you even closer to his chest and kisses your head. He brushes his fingers through your hair. And you want him, just one more time. Once more, before Sunday is over.

Matt slowly drags his fingers down your back, slipping under the blanket. He traces over your ass and presses one finger on your wet pussy, a way to ask permission.

You nod your head against his chest, gripping his shoulders.

Matt gently pushes a finger inside your velvety wetness, feeling your pussy tighten around his finger. He pushes deeper inside you, wiggling his finger to find your sweet spot. He knows he found it when you squirm in the bed and shudder against him.

“One more time,” you whisper.

You’ve wrapped your legs around Matt’s waist and straddled him in one swift movement. The silk blanket slips off your body, exposing yourself in front of Matt again.

Matt gasps as he feels your wetness coat his lower abdomen, not quite where he needs you most. His cock is swollen hard under the sheets, and he can hear his own heart beating hard in his chest. You lower your face and kiss him deeply, letting his tongue enter your mouth and lick your teeth. He places a hand on your neck and you place yours on top of his, encouraging him to squeeze lightly, and he does. You move the same hand over your right breast, and he feels how hard your nipple is against his palm. He moves his hand in a kneading motion.

Matt can feel and smell your wetness in the air, it makes him feel an intense need in his chest. You slowly inch your way down and rub your soft pussy over the length of his hard cock. Matt rocks against you and grabs a fistful of your hair, gently tugging.

You reach for his cock and line it with your pussy. Bracing yourself for the pain, you slowly inch down the length of him, feeling his size stretch your tight pussy until you were completely wrapped around him. You feel full and feel a familiar tightness in the pit of your stomach.

“Oh, God,” you whine as you feel Matt’s cock fully inside you. You begin to rock back and forth on his cock, the more you do, the more you need to feel him all around, like an itch needing a desperate scratch. Matt bucks his hips up into you, bucks his cock hard into your pussy, feeling you clench his hardness.

“You feel like heaven,” Matt breathes out, letting you bounce on his cock fast and then slow. You slowly lift your pussy off before coming back down hard and feeling the tip of his cock touch that spot deep inside you. And you keep doing it again, and again, and again, bouncing as much as you need to feel him.

“Mm,” you moan feeling your pussy clench tightly around Matt’s cock. You tilt your body backward and Matt reaches his hands to cover your breasts. He kneads them and bucks his hips into you, pushing his cock deeper.

“That’s it,” Matt says in a guttural voice.

He knows you’re about to come by the way you’re moaning and breathing so fast, so fast he almost doesn’t hear you asking him to come inside you again.

“Matthew,” you say breathlessly as you keep bouncing on his cock.

Matt places his hands on your waist and rocks you back and forth on his cock for you, as you’re losing pace from going too fast. You come all over his cock and moan so lightly, it causes Matt to finish at the same time, filling you with his hot come, and feeling it gush inside your pussy. He holds you still as he feels his cock pump come one, two, three, four times so deep, you shiver and fall against his chest.

“God,” Matt moans against your ear, feeling your pussy squeeze his cock for one last drop inside you. It feels so good to come in you, to feel that tightness in the pit of your stomach, to feel Matt’s warmth fill you. It leaks out a lot, you spread your legs and feel Matt slide out of you and the familiar empty feeling of his size leaving you. You practically collapse on the bed again and watch as Matt finds a towel to clean you with.

You’re shivering in the bed from your orgasm, and Matt takes no time in holding you against him again, as you come down from your high.

“Was this all a good idea?” You find yourself asking breathlessly against his pillow. Matt’s next to you, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“What?”

“What we just did.”

“You mean, what we’ve been doing all weekend?” He smirks. You want to wipe it off, but you feel a shiver down your spine as you imagine him covered with a black mask. It was still strange that it was him.

“Yes,” you say. You’ve come to peace with Matt being your savior, but you weren’t sure it was something you could live with. Perhaps, now was the time to ask Matt: where do we go from here?

“Doesn’t seem like it was necessarily a bad idea,” Matt says lowly, referring to your wetness. You move to lay on your back, staring at the ceiling.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have found out what we would miss,” you simply say.

Matt’s gaze moves to you, his brows furrowed. He reaches over to caress your chin, to guide you to look at him.

“What do you mean?” He asks. But deep down, Matt knows exactly what you mean.

“Tomorrow is Monday, Matthew,” you state plainly. “Tell me, do Karen and Foggy know you’re Daredevil?”

“Yes,” he answers.

“Do they know I didn’t know?”

After a small pause, he nods. “Yes.”

“How in the world do you expect me to walk into work tomorrow after a weekend like this? After they find out about us?”

“They won't think of you differently,” he shakes his head. “They’ll think of me differently.”

“Matt,” you bite your lip, looking at his hazel-brown eyes. There was a time you were dying to know what his eyes looked like behind those dark red glasses. There was a time you were dying to know who he was behind that mask. “Think about what’s happened—what I’ve been through. We’ve been having this affair since the beginning of summer. We didn’t talk for a month, except at work, before I knew you were you. Friday, I was drugged and you saved me.”

Matt clenches his jaw at the memory of Friday night. It makes him want to bring you closer to him again. But he doesn’t.

“Then, I find out the man I’ve been seeing in secret was right under my nose all along,” you explain. “This is a lot for me. I can’t just pack it up and move on,” you reach over and gently run your fingers along his jawline, because this may be the last time you’ll ever be this close to Matt Murdock.

“So what does that mean for us?” Matt asks, although he knows the answer inside.

“It means, after today, that’s it. I’m going to resign from Nelson & Murdock tomorrow. I’ll write Foggy and Karen a letter and say—“

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll tell them.”

“They should hear from me,” you gently argue.

“They will. But I will tell them everything.”

“Okay,” you sighed, “that saves me the awkward part of telling them I’ve been hooking up with you.”

Matt smiles a little, but it quickly fades as your words echo in his ears. After today, that’s it.

“Is it really over?” Matt asks. “After I finally reveal myself and we have this weekend, that’s it?”

“Think about what it took for you to finally reveal yourself, Matt,” you whisper. “Look at how we ended up here.”

As much as it pained him, it was true. What right did he have, after everything he’s put you through?

“Okay,” he nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s not that I want this to be the end,” you said in frustration, wishing he would understand what you were trying to say. “You’re all I’ve wanted this entire time.” You covered your face with your hands, feeling tears brimming your eyes. Why did it have to hurt so much, to make a tough decision like this?

“I just—I don’t have the same faith I once did before,” you cry softly. “And I want you so bad. I want more weekends like this, I want to be with you, but—“

“Too much has happened,” Matt finishes your sentence, trying to remain composed. “I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s okay.”

“Then why am I still crying? Why does it feel like this?” You wipe your tears away and look around his room again—your safe haven for the weekend. You didn’t want to go.

“Because what I did to you wasn’t fair,” Matt says softly. “I ruined what could’ve been for us. I have to live with that. Not you,” Matt reaches over and places his hand on your cheek, urging you to look at him. He wipes a tear away with his thumb, caressing your cheek. “Not you.”

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

After your conversation, the two of you lay in his bed for a few more hours until you decided the longer you stayed, the harder the goodbye would be. You took a shower in his apartment and changed into the clothes his nurse friend left for you. When you finally gathered your things, Matt was waiting quietly on his couch.

“Ready?” He asks.

“You don’t have to take me home, Matt,” you said, sucking in your tears. “I think it’s best I get a cab.”

“I want to make sure you’ll be safe.”

“I will,” you promised. “Please, Matt. Don’t make this harder for me.”

Matt nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Let me walk you to the door, then.”

You wanted to smile at his attempts, but it only hurt your heart even more. With every step to his door, you slowed down your pace. Just as you reached for the knob, Matt did too, and your hands touched for a brief moment before Matt is taking your hand and gently pushing you against his wall.

You close your eyes and let him do what he wants, because you want this, too. He leans down and gently presses his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses touching. Matt’s strong hands are on either side of your waist, and you’re taken back to all those times he’s held you on your roof, under a black mask. His lips ghost over yours, and it takes you to gently nudge him for him to fully press his lips onto yours.

Matt holds you still as he kisses you deeply, more deeply than he ever has before. He takes this moment to remember your scent, your heartbeat, your breathing because he’s not sure when he’ll be able to be around you again. This is all he has to remember you. This moment that having blind faith has led him to—both of you. He kisses you again and holds your face in his hands. He pulls back to kiss your jaw, to kiss behind your ear, to kiss your neck. Matt will never forgive himself for this.

“I love you,” you whisper. “I have to go.”

“I lied to you, that one night,” Matt says with pain in his voice. “I do love. I love you. And I don’t want you to leave. But if it means anything, it’s the most intense feeling I’ll ever have to hold on to be left by you.”

And with one last kiss, you’re out the door, out of his apartment, out of his life for a long, long time.

When he hears you get inside a cab, Matt charges up his phone that’s been out of battery the entire weekend and calls Foggy to tell him everything that’s happened.

TAGS: @starry-night-20 @sumsytee @queerqueenlynnn @mattmurdocksstarlight @marvelcinematiquniverse @hailey-murdock @yeonalie (please let me know if I missed you!)

P.S. There will be an epilogue!

#matt murdock #daredevil #charlie cox #marvel #matt murdock x reader #blind faith #matthew murdock #daredevil born again #daredevil: born again #charlie cox x reader #the defenders #foggy nelson #karen page #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock fan fic #matt murdock x you

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