#(also in this episode: 'i am tired of the effort it takes to believe in you') G O D

[inkblackorchid]

What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)

*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.

After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?

Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.

No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.

I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.

Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.

Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...

We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.

(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)

There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?

The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.

(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)

As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)

(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)

The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.

(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)

After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.

However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.

We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.

(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)

Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.

(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)

And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.

However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.

(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)

Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.

(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)

This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)

And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.

Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.

(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)

So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.

I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).

(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)

Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.

And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.

(Bird boy is angry, watch out)

This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.

At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.

(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)

Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...

And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.

But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)

To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.

Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.

Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.

For now, see you in part two.

#yugioh 5ds #crow hogan #ygo 5ds #5ds #rex goodwin #character analysis #yugioh meta #orchid rambles #oh sweet baby jesus this took SO LONG #AND NOW I NEED A PART TWO #BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS #god damn #it's very late at night here but I just Had To Get This Done #anyway take it #here it is #I'll try my best to work on part two quickly but I have no idea when I'm gonna get done with that

[westernbaby]

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

[woman reader] [poc friendly] [The events that take place in this piece of writing are before a romantic relationship develops.]

A/n: I am only on season two episode five, so, this may be inaccurate considering how Elliot may develop in later seasons

Inspired by the talented *⁠.⁠✧@yns-world*⁠.⁠✧

You'd probably have to meet through a mutual friend [Ex: Angela], and he took an unexpected interest to you. Ollie was quite obviously never Elliot's cup of tea, so, you could imagine Angela's surprise when he seems to be positively interested in you.

You were waiting outside of Allsafe for Angela since you were her ride when she suddenly walks out with a man in a black hoodie. He seems shy is what you tell yourself. He seems skittish and doesn't hold much eye contact but neither do you. Considering the fact that you want to make him feel welcomed and not shunned out, you greet him and he answers with a "hi."

Angela inevitably ends up teasing him for how intrigued he seems by you. When he rejects Ollie's offer to dinner, Ollie says, "maybe we'd have a greater chance if y/n came along." Angela nudges him with her elbow since he just now exposed the fact that she tells him about Elliot's untold feelings.

Inevitably, his feelings lead to him hacking you which opens up a whole different door to him. He figures out your music taste, how emotional that one episode of a specific tv show made you, those closest to you, your pets, celebrity crushes, etc. I have no need to go on.

He ends up talking to the special one in his head about you. How he can't believe that one specific friend treated you the way they did (even if it was only once).

"They treat her as less than the shit underneath their shoe, I know you may be getting tired of me talking about her but you may as well get used to it. You lied to me after all, this is the least you could do."

But don't you worry your pretty little head about it, he doesn't let your unneeded friend go unharmed, even if not physically. Elliot releases every single thing that a person wouldn't want anyone to have their eyes on. He sends the shameful findings to you and those around your grimy little "friend".

"I know this may seem over the top but it's something I have to do."

The ghost of his father eventually finds out because, Mr Robot is basically embedded inside of Elliot's existence. Edward criticizes him about how protective he is of you and how he wastes no time in defending your honor, even through hacking someone.

"There are people out there that need our help and you're here doing this for someone that knows nothing about this little habit of yours." Elliot pays no mind to his words since his father can't even be seen those around them and feels overly entitled to things, specifically, Elliot's attention.

He talks to his friend about how difficult it will be for him to move away from home and it's that of his mother's, because he's just moving away from you. There's no way for him to even look through your webcam. Though, you're smart. He only got to look through it once before he looked again a week later and the camera was covered.

Aside from that, moving in with mommy dearest still means he won't be able to see you, no matter how he goes about it. Elliot would still make an effort to go when he's invited by Angela somewhere if he hears that you're going to make an appearance. The two of you would make great conversation and he would even bring up the media he's interested in.

Coincidentally, youre also interested in the topics, but, that's why he said it. He knows his way inside of your mind already.

Elliot isn't really the type to make conversation but he is that way with you. You even get him to get that three-pointed smile on his face. That's just your affect.

Anyway, back to his mother's house.

Remember the time Leon gave him the whole:

"Do you ever dream, Elliot?" Speech (?)

When he went back to his mother's house that night, he saw you in his futuristic dream. A future filled with long lost friends, family, those he never imagined getting close to and seeing the ones he loves ending up happy.

Just before Elliot awakes, his dream has one last thing that it wants him to see. There you are, in all of your glory, sat in the seat right infront of him. Despite the long distance between you and him, he's still as happy as ever.

You're in his ideal future.

He'll make sure you stay, there's a wound inside of Elliot that'll only heal with your stitches.

#Elliot alderson x reader #Elliot Alderson #Mr Robot x reader #Mr robot headcanons #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #Yandere mr robot #Yandere Elliot Alderson #Rami malek x reader #Rami x reader #Elliot x reader

[edoro]

May I ask for your extremely normal thoughts on this episode?

takes a deep breath

dissolves into a screaming puddle of goo

things i am Extremely Normal About:

-Philip's continuing obsession with Luz

-the way her insulting his fashion sense clearly GENUINELY HURT HIS FEELINGS? oh my godddd bro she is not your friend she doesn't LIKE you but that's not gonna stop him

-the way he irritatedly corrects her from 'emperor of the witch hunters' to 'witch-hunter general' this man is such a bitch and also just SO deep in his own twisted little game of make-believe like. just really zero concept of what's going on here for real.

-he is so obsessed with her it's so fucking creepy. the way that it was her crying and begging while saying his Real Name that got him to agree with her? oh my god, Philip, dude.

-the way he just unleashed 300 years of barely restrained Bitch Energy on Kiki in one moment of nuclear weapons-grade cruelty because he's tired of being nice and he DOES want to go apeshit and it like visibly immediately improved his entire demeanor, there's not even anything physically wrong with him actually he is literally just such a bitch that the sheer effort of holding it back for that long caused him to experience the symptoms of every disease ever

-GRANDPA BODY HORROR GRANDPA BODY HORROR

-"Hunter why are you hurting me :(" shut the entire fuck up oh my god i'm going to put this old man in tupperware and leave him in the back of the fridge for a year

-Caleb name reveal + ABSOLUTE BATSHIT FREAKOUT GRANDPA BODY HORROR

-the Collector is genuinely fucking terrifying. immortal godchild kidthing with unspeakable cosmic powers and 0 concept of morality or that other people are real or can be hurt or that his actions have consequences. i love him so much. genuinely so much more frightening than Philip's banal malice tbh.

-the Collector is So Fucking Traumatized this kid is so fucked up holy shit they are NOT okay. cannot imagine what the last 300+ years of having no one but Philip "molestation Georg*" Wittebane for company has done to them

(*lives in a cave and has groomed or attempted to groom every child he's ever met jesus FUCKING christ someone put this man in a jar and put the jar in a lead-lined box at the bottom of the sea)

-The Collector Is My Sonthing Now. yes he has done everything wrong ever no i don't care.

-EVIL BODY HORROR GRANDPA GETTING TWIRLED UP LIKE A FORKFUL OF SPAGHETTI AND THEN SPLORCHED. "i'm not even mad tho" man he knew he had fucked up, i love how we finally got to see Philip Experiencing A Consequence

-obsessed with how brutal and unceremonious that was tbh. like. i was just sitting there like Is He Actually Fucking Dead. Is That How They Disposed Of Philip. Oh My God. everyone else watching in utter horror because that was incredibly fucked up. the way Hunter was crying about it because That Was His (evil and unspeakably abusive sure but still) Uncle and that's so fucked up for him to have to see. his hesitance in stepping in the goop puddle. the malicious goo dribble ugh ugh ugh Leave Him Alone Philip Please.

-GOO GRANDPA IN THE HUMAN REALM WHAT CRIMES WILL HE COMMIT

-i love Raine ripping off Eda's arm. i feel like, you know the bit where Darius stopped fighting bc Healing Coven Head was about to kill Eberwolf? i think Raine would have done the math on how quick they could get the replacement Beastkeeping Coven Head up there now that it was all underway and Belos was gone vs how much longer til the eclipse was over and decided they could bear that moral weight on their conscience forever if it meant they and everyone else lived to see the end of this

-GUS? CRYING?? THE WAY HUNTER WAS PROTECTIVELY HOLDING HIM? THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AUUUUGH

-SNEAKY KIKI SNEAKY KIKI god i love her she's so horrible and so good and i simply adore her

-the pit of like DOZENS OF MURDERED GOLDEN GUARDS okay. what is WRONG with Philip like what happened to his brain to make him this way.

-the way they left Alador behind like he was going to Divert The Horde in a zombie movie LMAO it's okay Amity. it's better this way. now you can pretend he would have been a good dad instead of having to live with the ongoing realization that even his best would be crushingly mediocre.

-Alador trying to hit Hunter with the "loyal soldier of the Emperor" accusation and then trying to dad voice him immediately afterwards when that doesn't work. sir. pick one. also lmao love the Shit Dad Driving Experience. terrible driver gets mad when you point it out and actively endangers all of you because now he's distracted yelling at you. his Shit Dad Energies are just so huge, i love it.

-i'm just obsessed with Philip and the Collector oh my god. horror horror horror. there is so much wrong with both of them and they're so fucked up together jfc. never going to get over it.

-it took me literally four hours to watch the episode.

#toh spoilers #csa mention #sorry i can't. not talk about it like. philip's groomer energy in this one is off the charts #asks

[noco7]

Do you think RR Noah felt kind of OOC?

I could speak for hours about RR Noah. There's a lot that bothers me about him in that season, that's more than just him being "OOC." And it's more than just n*mma.

But yes, he is OOC. It's stated in canon that Owen finds Noah's actions strange. He sees Noah staring at Emma, and it's so strange that the only explanation he can come up with is "maybe he has rabies." The fact that n*mma is unnatural is not only lampshaded, but honestly the point. Noah is acting strange! Because he's in loooove. And "love makes you do strange things" !!! Which isn't completely untrue, but that means you have to assume Noah was in love with Emma as soon as he saw her. Which uhh, doesn't quite make sense, considering Noah has always been the "unimpressed" one.

N*mma's like a self-insert fic. Noah, stoic cold Noah, took one look at her and suddenly he can't take his eyes off her. Suddenly he's doing everything to help her win, everything to be near her. And well, that works when your Y/N, when it's a fanfic and the people reading already want to believe. So the point isn't to be accurate, but to present the most promising fantasy. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But it's not the writing you do for a TV show, when you're trying to convince people who's never seen this ship that it makes sense. (And especially not the writing you do when you also have to convince the audience that the guy in it isn't gay.)

But Noah's decline in RR is more than just N*mma. There's the fact that they set up a promise in the first episode and broke it. There's the fact that his character arc is a circle. There's the fact that RR as a season doesn't really suit Noah's strengths. And yeah, there's the fact that n*mma was poorly written.

So let's walk our way through this.

1) Noah says in the first episode, that he is going to focus on WINNING. "Every reality show I've been on, I lost. This time, no excuses, no distractions." I am bolding this because it is very important. Noah wants to win. This is a little strange for Noah, but it's good, and its easy to fill in the reasons. He's tired of losing is the obvious one. Maybe he needs the money, maybe it's a New Years resolution. It's be great if the show told us exactly why he's taking the show serioudly, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

The important thing is he's finally going to TRY. Right? Right?

Nope. The challenge in the 2nd episode is to pick out five specific spices. Noah says "just give us the five closest to you." 🤦‍♂️ This wasn't even his own plan. He copied Dwaynes. Like... what happened to trying? What happened to wanting to win? And then makes Owen eat the resulting mess, so again. What effort is Noah putting in? Where's the try? BTW - one of the spices he was supposed to identify was cinnamon. CINNAMON. How does he not know what cinnamon is? Like at least try to get one right. (Honestly, this whole challenge sucks? Only white people would think identifying spices is a challenge.)

There's also a challenge where he has to memorize an Icelandic phrase. Just one phrase. Somehow he fucks this up. He's supposedly a smart guy, and he fucks this up.

It's like the writers forgot that his character existed beyond snark. Noah is supposed to be a smart guy. Why can't he memorize one phrase? He's also supposed to be Indian ... like from, you know, India, the place that's known for its spices? Hmm. I'm not saying he has to know every single spice, but it feels fake that he doesn't know one.

Again, what happened to trying? What happened to "focusing on the cheddar?" aka the prize money? What happened to attempting competence?

So when I say they set up a promise in the first episode and broke it, this is what I mean. They set up an idea and completely forgot about it, to the point of making Noah dumber than he rationally should be.

2) So remember Noah in Island? He wasn't really a character till the dodgeball episode, where he refused to help his teammates, made fun of them, and gets eliminated for it.

Now think of Noah's last episode in RR. He refuses to help Owen with the Komodo dragon and gets himself flattened by a pile of rugs. And you think "oh well now he can't help because he's stuck, poor baby." But he can help himself because he does when Emma calls him. But he refuses to on his own, or when Owen calls out to him. And they get eliminated because of it. So once again, Noah refuses to help his teammates and gets eliminated for it.

Which makes it sound like it's not OOC, he's just a really flat character. And that's sorta true, but the RR version is WORSE.

Noah never made a promise to win in Island. And the teammates he was refusing to help - he didn't know them. They were strangers. And above all, he didn't directly cause their loss. Sure, he was deadweight, but the team could have won without him if it weren't for Harold.

But in RR, the person he's refusing to help is Owen. His best friend. The nicest person alive, the guy who did everything for Noah when Emma dumped him. He's refusing to help his best friend win, and making sure they lose. Why? Because he's decided he doesn't care about the game anymore, now that he has Emma. Great, but OWEN'S STILL RIGHT THERE.

Despite the narrative trying to tell us that Noah is a nicer person because of Emma, he's still clearly selfish AF. You could even say he's gotten WORSE now. And that really fucking sucks.

So when I say Noah's character arc is a circle, I mean it. His selfish actions have not changed, despite three years, a girlfriend, and the nicest best friend in the world.

3) RR as a season doesn't suit Noah. What do I mean by that? Well, RR is a season where everyone is divided into pairs that rarely interact with each other. It's not that they never interact - the Icedancers and the Cops rivalry is unmatched, but that they don't do it all that often. It's more coincidental to run into another group than anything else. At least that's the vibe I got.

But Noah is a character who thrives off being mean to a variety of people that he's had time to observe. In WT, Noah got to make fun of Tyler and Izzy and Alejandro and Sierra and Heather and Chris, all people he knew pretty well. Noah doesn't know the people in RR. And the only ones he gets close to are Owen, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's sister. The latter two are off-limits to insult, so Owen gets stuck with all the mean things.

And this doesn't work, because Noah's best insults are ones that are either make you say a) 'nah, he's got a point though" b) "ayy get them, they deserve it" or c) "why would you say something like that lmao, what's wrong with you?"

A is him dissing Alejandro, B is Chris, and C is the dodgeball episode.

But him being mean to Owen is none of those things. Owen isn't a bad person, and although he makes mistakes, none of them are deserving of harsh criticism. Especially considering Owen is supposed to be, you know, his friend. And Owen is more capable than Noah this season, so it just lands flat. The only thing you can take away from Noah being mean to Owen is that Noah is an asshole. And true... but. Not in an interesting way.

By limiting Noah to just Owen as his main target of snark, it makes him seem like an asshole. Which is actually okay imo. Noah's a shitty person, and I like watching shitty people. But there's nothing gained from it in the show. Owen practically never calls him out on being shitty. In fact, even though Noah lost him the show and made everything more difficult, Owen remarks that "he's just happy to be with his lil buddy." Bruh... can someone save this man? Please? Sweetie, you deserve so much better.

There is ONE moment I'd like to highlight that challenges this. One episode, Noah is required to perform air guitar on stage. He's reluctant because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and his crush is watching and omg does Noah have stage fright? Is he shy? haha it's kinda cute and actually believable. Owen points out that he needs Noah to do it anyway, asking Noah to be his "hero." And Noah... does. He goes out there, he air-guitars away, and it's a really good moment. It shows Noah's flaws, how they affect the people around him. It's great to see Owen stand up for himself and confront him, and it's lovely to see Noah respond and change his stance to help his friend.

And then he refuses to help his friend a few episodes later. So... ehh. Good job, hero.

4)N*mma. I think what's wrong with N*mma is that TD writers are incapable of writing a woman being the romantic initiator unless they're crazy - Izzy, Sierra. Otherwise, the woman should ALWAYS be approached by the man first. The man should always be making the first moves or the first flirtations. After all, to keep tension in a relationship, there needs to be a question of "will they get together." And what man WOULDN'T want a girlfriend? What guy would ever turn down a gf? Whereas a girl can ponder and wonder and think "oh i don't know him that well, oh im not sure." But no one ever extends that waiting period to guys. They're just expected to always be down for women.

But Noah isn't an "average" guy. He's antisocial. He doesn't flirt, he looks down on romance, and he's never expressed concern about getting a girl. And he's never, ever, put in effort to woo someone. Never! Noah is very anti-effort. King.

But hey, TD needs to write him in a romance, and the only romance they write requires the guy to simp for a girlboss. So Noah starts simping for a girlboss. I must admit I don't think the idea of Noah simping is complete trash. But it needs to be worked up to. Or at the very least, denied until Noah can deny it no longer.

(Also when has Noah being into girlbosses? I know TD is into girlbosses, since they've written, like, 50, but Noah? Noah's has shown nothing but disdain for Courtney and Heather. Also there's the fact that Emma tries to cut Noah's hair against his will with a fish? And talks about marriage and family like... 2 days into their relationship? I'm confused why that isn't a turn off to Noah. He's the one who warned Owen about Izzy, right? He's the one who made fun of Sierra for being stalker? So why is he into it now? Answer me Fresh)

Anyway.... it's like Total Drama doesn't know the meaning of "gradual." And tbf, with 32 contestants and a half hour show time, it's hard to write a slow burn. They don't have the time for it.

Still, they could have done better. The easiest way to fix N*mma, imo, is to just rip off Pride and Prejudice plotline. Emma already has a kid sister. Like, imagine Emma and Noah dislike each other had first, mean sarcastic nerds that they are. They dislike each other, Noah has a crush on her but is hiding it, and is pushed to confess by Owen.

Doesn't work out because his confession sucks because Noah has ZERO social skills.

N*mma take some time off, Kitty falls into the ocean or smth, Noah rescues her, and Emma is like "wow ur a good nice person after all" and Noah's like "i just had to save her, i couldn't let her die" and then they kiss or smth. Like come on Fresh, why didn't you go with that? Pride and Prejudice is in the public domain!! Like no one was stopping you.

All in all, if N*mma had to be written, it should have been like I said, or Duncney style. Noah should be allowed to be mean and grow from it.

And that's what's wrong with N*mma. Noah is mean but does not grow from it. He gets Emma regardless of how he treats Owen. They're completely separate things. His struggle to get Emma to like him has LESS to do with Noah, and more to do with Emma's own issues. Like you're telling me Noah's in a relationship, and he's NOT the problem? He should have been the problem. Ughh.

So when I say N*mma was poorly written, I mean that it has insta-love, that Noah does not act like himself in the relationship, and that Emma doesn't make him a substantially better person. (I know he gave Jake the rings, but he doesn't help his own bestie in the end, ... so its rlly hard to say he's grown.)

Tl;dr Noah in RR is forced into a romance plotline he doesn't fit, and ditches the self-improvement plotline that we were all rooting for, ending up in the same place as he started. Noah's romance should have served to highlight his character growth not BE his character growth. It's peak TD writing, honestly. He betrays his team for his girl like Trent did in TDA. He falls for her as fast as Duncan did for Gwen in WT. And the way he treats Owen, his supposed friend, somewhat resembles how Leshawna chose to view Heather in WT. Sad.

#td noah #td rr #td askbox #i would tag more but tumblr hates me #so i will just reblog with a screenshot of my old tags #uhh #anti-nemma

[thewingedwolf]

<long and rambling, I’m gonna add a cut when I get on a desktop next bc I don’t think I can do it on mobile>

Went to a pride party, absolutely fucking crashed and burned several times at socialization and I apologized to my friend for being Terrible At Parties and my friend goes “you really ARE bad at talking I can’t believe I never noticed it! That feels like this one is on me!” And honestly I think that was the first time anyone has ever taken responsibility for my anxiety and for some reason I do not understand at ALL it made me feel REALLY good about myself ya kno like it was the equivalent of taking your friend who you know damn well hates shellfish to a crab shack and not understand why they’re annoyed as they pick at their shitty ass salad. Like yeah man my anxiety is YOUR problem bro not mine.

Uh anyways so all that anxiety + anxiety from the event we had today - which went really well!!! I’m actually really happy with how it went! We put a lot of hard work into it and it really paid off! - and also generally my anxiety has been awful lately + the amount of pot I consumed at that party bro if I would have realized they were gonna be that free and loose with the weed I would have brought an ice pack, propped my leg up on a chair, and started smoking the moment I came in so I could have lasted longer!!!! = I have been like uh ~talking with a dude and I’m being very careful because Im actually Very careful on the internet, sometimes in weird ways, and I know there are ways I could be safer for sure, but I also think that while my anxiety has hindered my ability to date in a lot of ways, once or twice it has helped me realize that there was a red flag I missed not too far away and then I bailed and it was the RIGHT decision. This guy wasn’t talking down to me, we were sort of disagreeing about serious stuff so it was tense but we weren’t arguing, just discussing and finding we had different world views on something. And then I made a joke about how I just wanted them to raise the minimum wage bc my rent was expensive to lighten the mood up a bit, bc we had both been throwing jokes in every few minutes so it didn’t get too serious and then…then I looked at my phone and it said that he had deleted a chat he had sent, and then he sort of made some “this system is broken someone needs to fix it” and that’s FINE except we haven’t really discussed politics and I admit I’ve been a little mum in that regard bc he’s bisexual and we sort of really quickly bonded over the weirdness of being raised technically in yiur culture but unable to speak the language and that was interesting but also doesn’t mean anything like maybe he meant it in a commie sort of way since he’s told me he’s been really affected by COVID so maybe he, like a lot of people, found himself feeling more and more than this system is inherently broken beyond repair. Or MAYBE he meant it in a “you know I really think trump was onto something” sort of way and I’ve been staring at these messages wondering what the fuck they mean but let me reiterate, I have not looked at these messages ONCE without being bogged down with anxiety or high as a kite! He might not have been making an Anakin skywalker style “maybe dictators are good actually” type comment, you might, in fact, just have spent the last 20 hours in a bungled mess of anxiety and weed and pain.

Um anyways this program went really well and I think I’m gonna stay on to do it next year because I had sort of a good time, it reminded me why I like working in a library, but also, I’m so glad it’s over bc it was so much effort and I’m so anxious and tired all the time akskdkjd I don’t do anything but sleep and watch the same three episodes of a show bc I keep falling asleep, and then texting this dude at 4 am when I wake up bc I can’t sleep thru the night bc he keeps the WEIRDEST hours so I know he’ll be up and like ~flirting until I fall back asleep. That’s it. That’s been most of my life bc of this program the last few weeks. It’s not bad, but bro I would LOVE a CHANGE

In other news a pretty (straight) girl hugged me at work and I almost cried its been such a great pride already 🥲🥲🥲

#rani makes text posts no one will read

[crows-spells]

hello, my name is t. i have a lot to me and my story, if you want like to know about it, lmk. but im not here to talk about the old story, but how to change from it? i suffer from borderline personality disorder. you can do your research, but to summarize i have really high highs (manic episodes) and really low lows (depressive episodes). so i am extremely prone to spirals and etc. ive been in a toxic manifestation cycle where ive found a new method, failed at it and haven’t gotten results, then i would over-consume and attempt self concept then end up spiralling when i saw people with what i had and realized that my deadline is getting closer and closer (2 weeks) and then search for a new method again. it is so easy to just wallow in your sadness, especially when the media glorifies sadness and makes you jealous of others. ive been in this cycle for 3 years. ive tried to restart my journey by taking breaks and doing things that “i love”, but if you struggle with mental health or know anyone who does, you know it’s not easy to think a certain way or feel a certain way because of your mental illness. i want to restart my journey. not the ways i did before, not by taking a break then noticing that i haven’t manifested my desires and forcing myself to work on self concept or try a new method. i want to unlearn everything and learn what i need and actually do it correctly this time. but i don’t know how to make manifestation not feel like a chore and find a way to do that suits me. here’s the thing, i know basically any answer to any question you could ask me about manifestation and i know how to act on it. but people have different ways they can manifest and what’s subjective to them and i need help finding my way to manifest that isn’t toxic and causes me to spiral and look for a new method. preferably we could dm and you could help me, but replying to my anonymous message is just as efficient. but it gets confusing when you’ve fed yourself so much information from so many different sources, id prefer if you could also recommend a few loa blogs to look at too, so i don’t scroll through 10 million. it sounds contradictory when you’ve consumed so much, but it’s really only because everyone believes and thinks differently. i just want to actually manifest what i want this time and before my deadline. i want to get what i want and not be hindered by my mental health or hinder it even more as a result of failed attempts from every method known to man. how do i reconstruct my mindset and find a routine / way to manifest that fits me even with my mental illness (my parents don’t believe in therapy, so i can’t get treated for it)? especially something to help when i spiral and self sabotage (please let me know if you would like to dm and talk one on one)

-long read-

first off, i wanna encourage you, cuz i really do think you’re on the right track. i would go back and forth until i got tired of it and put my foot down and decided i’m not taking anything less than what i want, and it looks like you’re at that point too. we know that what we want is out there and that we’re gonna get it, but it can be tiring exhausting and frustrating. but it doesn’t have to be, don’t put up with it anymore! you deserve better!

before we start

• i am not a mental health professional

• i am not diagnosed with anything

• take whatever advice/ideas/mindset feels right and leave whatever doesn’t resonate

• feel free to dm me.

let me remind you right off the bat that you can have ANYTHING. no matter what it is. so i suggest manifesting therapy anyway, because it doesn’t matter that your parents aren’t for it, you’re the creator of your reality and what you decide for you is what is right, your parents could change their mind in an instant. no matter what it is you can manifest it. don’t hold back at all, because manifesting takes 0 effort so just make everything right! you know what i mean?

and alongside this i want to remind you that not only can you have anything, but that it’s easy to as well. literally nothing can stop you, block you, hold you back or make it difficult in any way. being BPD does not make it any harder because we are limitless beings, right? i know quite a few people with disorders such as bipolar and borderline personality disorder who are quite dear to me, they have such absolutely brilliant beautiful minds and that disorder cannot hinder you. just know that you can have anything you want no matter what! no matter if you have a bad day, or spiral or have a depressive episode, you’re still manifesting that whole time.

also i want you to know that you have the power to say that ur not gonna manifest bad things. like in the instance that you do spiral, you’re the one who decides whether that will manifest or not. you can choose to say “my bad thoughts can’t manifest” we think thousands of thoughts a day, but the whole time our mind is judging bad or good, wanted or unwanted, realistic or unrealistic. so just decide what’s realistic and what’s not. that’s up to YOU!

let’s use a silly example because i don’t know what you’re manifesting. if you are imagining that you just start floating around the ceiling, your brain is gonna say whether or not you think that’s realistic. if you just keep telling yourself that it’s realistic then it will be, but if you keep up the conviction that “no that’s not possible, how would that happen?” then you’ll be persisting in that reality.

it’s pretty simple in words, but in practice our brains just don’t stay on track. i mean to be fair, that in itself an assumption and is subject to change. i’ve started affirming that i automatically stay loyal to my desires. not that wording specifically but i basically just imply that my mind is always remembering the new story and that manifestation and living in the end is automatic. but it’s okay if you get off track. it’s okay if you forget who you are for a moment. cuz this moment is a new possibility and consciousness is endless. as i’ve been affirming this i’ve noticed my mindset change, i’ve noticed myself automatically assuming for the better. your mind and thoughts are also manifestations and assumptions that are up to you.

it literally does not matter if you spiral, how long you spiral or how often. like i said, you’re deciding whether your thoughts are realistic or if they’ll manifest, so it doesn’t matter to be honest. you can fully revise spiraling or negative thoughts or just assume that all that was silly daydreams that have nothing to do with your reality and go back to living in the end like nothing ever happened!

you want to find your way and unlearn everything, that’s great! that’s what i felt i needed to do, so i’m gonna get you started with everything you need to know. you already know this, you already always knew exactly what you needed to do, so this is really just a reminder.

you manifest whatever you assume is true

there, that’s it, that’s all you need to know. now you can start writing your own rules. such as only being able to manifest positive and wanted things and negative stuff never manifests. that you always get what you want by/before the deadline. whatever you want. just choose your assumptions, that’s all we’re doing, and that’s all we ever did before we just didn’t know we were doing it.

so from now on “methods” aren’t a thing. you’re just living your life and anything you do gets you what you want!! whether you still use things considered as methods or not, because personally, i do affirm. but my affirmations are just me reminding myself what is true. sometimes i notice myself saying my affirmations anxiously and have to remind myself that they’re already true and i’m not making anything happen. it doesn’t matter how many times you have to remind yourself of the new story or remind yourself that you’re powerful. it WILL become automatic. just let yourself believe, let yourself entertain the thought, because you KNOW what you assume is true is true. you know damn well in your soul that it works otherwise you wouldn’t have put so much effort into it. revise everything. anything you got tripped up on before, forget about it, never happened. you understand manifesting completely and you always do it right. you’re already doing everything right you’ve just been telling yourself for some reason that it’s not working or that it wont. that little voice exists for all of us, but what you feed only grows. so starve out the doubt because it’s dependent on you. everything in the world is dependent on your belief in it.

i think sometimes we tell ourselves no and forget that we’re allowed to change that answer. when you were a kid you were told “you can’t always get what you want” but you were also told “you can be anything! you can do anything! life is beautiful!” and i think we just take the first one more seriously and decide that’s the truth but u gotta realize you can change the rules at any moment just as easily as when you set them. what you decide is the truth is the only thing set in stone. so decide. right now just decide the rules. and every day as you go along, keep writing the rules. you can change it all in an instant. anything someone says is just an option, a possibility, you don’t have to take it so seriously because it’s no more difficult to change. you are the only source of creation! you already know all these things inherently, and here you tell me that you’re also consciously aware of these, you know everything there is to know. so now it’s your turn to write some rules and live life as you please.

this is the way to not make it feel like a chore. writing your own rules and just being yourself. switch from learning mode and doing mode to living mode, being mode. how do you do that? it’s easy. just say it’s done. just say “i am doing everything correctly right now.” boom! you did it! congratulations i am so f*****g proud of you! wasn’t that so easy? and it doesn’t feel any different because this is your reality now. you are right now consciously only choosing what you want. nobody else’s rules matter except T’s rules. you have everything you want. play pretend. imagine yourself living the life you want to. it’s safe to, i promise! there’s nothing left to be done or to think about or to try! it’s finished! it’s safe to just go on and be the person you wish you were or have the things you wish you had because you ARE and you DO!

you can now have fun with manifesting! you can just focus on fun things and manifesting for others and manifesting all the stuff you wanted to manifest in the future “when you got better at manifesting” cuz you’re literally so good at manifesting right now! manifesting is fun cuz u literally don’t have to do anything.

let me tell u a secret also 🫢 ur allowed to consume as much info as u want

yeah literally. overconsumption doesn’t exist. it’s just ur attitude/mindset. are you scrolling blogs thinking “i gotta find a new method i gotta figure out how to make this happen this time” or reading asks like “look they are failing too, i wonder what we’re doing wrong” or are you instead, reading blogs and asks with the knowing that it’s done? because one mindset will continue to manifest uncertainty and insecurity and the other will manifest more confidence in your power and manifest automatically that you have everything because you just know. how do you KNOW though? that’s what confused me when i first got on LoA tumblr. like how can i do that? don’t i either know or not know? just tell yourself you know it once twice, a million times until it catches on. but all it really takes is just once. just start introducing the concepts you want to yourself as fact until they catch on and become so. saying until makes it seem like it will take time but really that’s not the case. the shift happens instantly, but your mind might be asking some questions or challenging that. it doesn’t mean anything, just keep pushing, keep persisting. there’s only one moment, this one right now. what you feed in this moment will only get stronger in this moment.

i started years ago with law of attraction and i would go back and forth and get myself all confused, switching up my beliefs, changing my desires cuz i thought some of them would be too hard to achieve, changing methods because the old ones “weren’t working” but i realized a bit ago that i’m smarter than i think, and i could have had everything since day one i just didn’t think it was possible then. but i know better now. i know i write the rules. that’s all that really matters. it doesn’t matter how many blogs i read because i don’t let myself take in others limiting beliefs. it doesn’t matter if i sit around sulking or doubting because i can get back up again and decide none of that was true. i was real bad for a long time feeling helpless and hopeless and thinking the stuff i did wouldn’t work. but i had to change that story that i was telling myself, and that’s all it took. i haven’t been depressed in a while but i know that if that ever happens again i’ll be okay and still be able to manifest. i know that all my emotions are natural and okay, but what i tell myself/believe is what makes the difference. i did have to force myself to stop focusing on the negative, but that came with the determination and knowing that i’m either gonna do this or not do it, so it’s not really worth it to sulk. it’s either gonna work or not work and either way i’d rather be thinking about what i want. but still, i have also successfully manifested things while feeling anxious, depressed or just awful in general. so i know for a fact it’ll never matter that i’m not mentally well sometimes because i’ll still get what i want.

your feelings, reactions, and interpretations are normal and okay. y jealously is normal and okay. just remind yourself you already have it. seeing someone else with what you want in the 3D should be a celebration!!! like omg that’s something you want and it exists in the world for you to have. everyone is you pushed out so someone else having it is really just proof that it’s yours already. so it’s okay if you feel jealous at first. don’t ever beat yourself up for your feelings. honor them and respect them but remind yourself who you are. you’re god. i mean i was raised christian and was told our god is a jealous god so tbh jealousy is godly and okay. just don’t let it manifest as you still not having it. turn it around and let that be you. see yourself with it cuz it’s already yours. i don’t have to tell you what to do, you’re gonna figure out all of how to deal with each thing on your own, writing your own rules and just letting go of whatever doesn’t work for you cuz you know you can do this your way. you wouldn’t have written this ask if you didn’t think it was possible, and you thinking of it as a possibility means it’s already yours, so i’m not worried ab you at all, you got this. i think you already figured it out, cuz once you decided to unlearn the bullshit and do it your way, you already stepped into your power. so by the time you read this i assume you know what to do. i’m proud of you. feel free to dm me but i know you got this

i hope this helped!

p.s. i’m sorry this is so long but you sound JUST LIKE ME so i feel like i’m telling past me what i needed to hear. i’m sending u love and knowing that everything is gonna work out for u

edit:

i meant to say this before but i forgot. i don’t know who to suggest cuz i kinda just scroll on this app. there’s some that do stick out to me as really good so i’ll try to compile a list but also i don’t really know anyone v well.

#manifestation #loa #manifest #law of assumption #neville goddard #how to manifest #loassumption #manifesting #law of assumtion #law of attraction #asks #asks open #answered asks #self concept

[takoichigo]

Haven't written in a while. Honestly it's hard to string thoughts together now without getting distracted halfway through or rambling on forever.

I watched an entire season of RuPaul's Drag Race today. I'd never seen an episode but since watching Dungeons and Drag Queens I have had my curiosity piqued. I don't typically watch reality competition shows (unless they're on Food Network) but I really liked it a lot. It also made me have some thoughts about my wardrobe, and about making things, and generally I feel a little inspired. It's much more creative than I expected and I love that. Also, I love shiny things and colors and I'm trying to learn a bit more grace and femininity.

Pain has been pretty bad lately if I'm honest. The last week or so have been very rough. I turned down company yesterday because I had a fairly traumatic releasing of the contents of my colon in the morning, and it took me all day to not hurt anymore. Hurting constantly is one of the worst things about this. Like the pain when I go to the bathroom is worse, but it goes away. When it just aches all day and I don't get relief from it, it's hard to even just watch something. It's exhausting. I'm pretty sure yesterday I was nearly totally blocked up. It hurt in weird places and I felt really nauseous beforehand. Nothing has really made me nauseous up til this point. I was a little this morning too, but overall it's been a little better today. I think I need to be really careful about eating when I take my meds, and I definitely don't think jumping in the tub is an option in the morning anymore, the heat made everything way worse.

Home health is coming tomorrow afternoon to get me started on physical therapy, which I am looking forward to a little bit. Anything to get me feeling normal again, please. Everything is so empty right now and I feel lonelier than I think I ever have. The endless shaking my legs do is really getting bothersome. It's like they don't want to hold me up anymore. Even when I'm laying down they shake. And my left knee needs to stop locking up. I've had some really bad scares this week from it doing that. It's also really fucking painful.

I'm still always tired and I really can't do much of anything for myself. It's a challenge to even walk through my apartment to get from my bed to the bathroom. I don't regret moving my bed to my living room; the bedroom in my apartment is too small to fit a queen mattress with anything else, but the extra walking distance is not great when your body is screaming at you and you can't walk very well.

I think I want to take up crocheting again, I could probably do that while laying down. I kinda want a new laptop too, or a tablet so I can maybe draw while lying on my stomach or something. Something not messy that doesn't require too much effort to set up or set aside.

Things are going to get better. I have to believe that they will. It's hard when I'm all alone. And I do have good friends that have been helping as much as they can. But not the ones I expected. I'm pretty sad about that. Haven't seen either of the people who volunteered to be my medical POA in at least a month. Not in person anyway. And one of them maybe hates me now. And that's making me really upset. I can't think about it or I cry. It's easy to make me cry anyway (shit I did it like 5 times watching Drag Race and twice in the bathroom today at least just from feeling bad and being afraid) but I don't really want to cry. I don't want to have these stupid hot flashes either but that's what we get for cooking my ovaries with a big radioactive beam I guess.

I was tired a little while ago and I thought if I wrote out my thoughts it'd help me relax a bit more so I could sleep, but now I'm just overly warm and sad. And my neighbor across the hall is being really loud. And I didn't get any of the stuff done today that I wanted to get done, except for taking a shower. And then I had a hot flash anyway and was drenched in sweat again a couple hours later.

I hate this all so much. I just want to feel normal again. I want to drive and see my friends and go do things and enjoy my life. Because this isn't life. It's just waiting, either for good news or for death. And while I have a lot of patience with humans, I don't have the most for feeling bad and being alone all the time.

Anyway. I'm gonna mindlessly scroll for a bit now and hope something bores me enough that I get at least a couple hours of sleep.

#long post #cancer #ramble

[managing-marissas-mind]

Therapy

I started therapy again. This was my first appointment in over a year.

I think one of the things I struggle with most is finding a therapist that I connect with. I have seen a few others in the past and I always stopped going because I felt like I just did not click with them. This made me feel uncomfortable and less willing to open up. At the same time, I find it difficult to find someone new and have to go through the explanation of my life and why I need help all over again.

I am normally against seeing a male (not just for therapy but also any type of physician) but that is what was available so I decided to give it a chance. This is also the first time I have started therapy without a major factor influencing me to. In the past, I have always been in the middle of a major depressive episode or severe breakdown when I made an appointment because I knew I needed immediate help. This time was different. I felt a more positive outlook on the process and really wanted to go to better myself and to continue something that I know I should have never stopped in the past.

One thing I appreciate about therapy is that the appointment is not about becoming medicated. It is truly about talking through your issues. I previously went through a process that involved "medicine management" with a psychiatrist + talk therapy with a counselor. The medicine management led to high doses of antidepressants being prescribed but seeing little to no improvement. I know that it can take your body some time to adjust to these medications, which is why I was on them for over a year. During this time my mood was low, I was so tired I could not keep my eyes open and I had gained over 50 pounds. The weight gain alone made things even worse. At one point, I was running 3-4 miles a day and barely eating but the weight gain would not stop. I refused to look at myself in the mirror. I would cry everyday. None of my clothes fit, I was covered in stretch marks, I looked and felt horrible. I eventually started researching these medications. Now, I realize this is something I should have done to begin with, but as patients we trust our doctors to help us when we are in need and at that time I truly believed these pills would be a "cure." After researching the side effects and reading about other's struggle with the weight gain, I decided to stop taking the medication. I realize I should have consulted with my doctor before doing so, but I did not want to open the door for any opportunity to convince me to continue taking them. Something I did not realize was that we can actually go through withdraw by doing this. I was dizzy, shaking, sweating, vomiting. Even though I felt horrible for a couple of days, the way I felt in the coming weeks was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I began to lose weight and have energy again.

I understand medication might be a huge help to some people. If they do work for you I think that is great; keep taking them. But for some of us, they are just not what we need. I am hoping that I can stick with therapy this time and really see improvement from the process. I am going to give it my best effort.

#mental health #depression #therapy #psychology

[winter-soldier-vibes]

hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love

Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!

Word count: 3,400 (ish)

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.

A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.

Overnight

People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.

These things rarely happen overnight.

You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.

You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.

It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.

You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.

The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.

See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.

He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.

Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.

Which, you were.

Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.

Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”

You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.

Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were tired of living this way.

You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.

You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.

Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.

Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.

But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.

These things rarely happen overnight.

Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.

You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.

But that only made Bucky worry more.

The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.

But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.

Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.

He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.

He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.

Where the hell were you?

You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?

Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”

“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.

---

You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.

You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.

You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.

You were scared.

You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.

You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.

You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?

Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”

So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?

You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.

These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.

You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.

“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.

“Y/n, can you come down from there?”

“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.

“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.

“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.

“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”

“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”

“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”

You heard his footsteps stop.

“This isn’t going to solve anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”

“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.

But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.

“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”

You shook your head. “No one can help me.”

“At least let me try,” he said gently.

“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”

You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”

You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -

You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.

But it just hurt so much.

You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.

And it was torture.

You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.

You didn’t want to be alone anymore.

You’ve been alone for too long already.

You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.

“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.

“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”

People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.

Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.

“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.

Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”

“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.

“Why not? What’s so bad about asking for help?”

You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”

“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”

“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”

You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”

You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”

I wasn’t alone

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you

These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.

You gave a small nod. “Okay.”

---

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[bubbledumbbinch]

Heya! Congrats on the 100+ followers!! Your writing is really good and I enjoy reading your works!

If you dont mind, what would be your headcanons on the TWST dorm leaders of what prefrences they have for a S/O? Like what would they want in an S/O? (Also Im sorry if this has already been asked Im also kinda new to your blog as well ;w;)

Hii!! And thank you 🥰🥺💕 that means a lot to me!! I hope you stay and continue to enjoy yourself here!This hasn’t been asked before so I hope you enjoy!!! ;w; I hope you all enjoy I had a fun time (and a difficult time) writing this out! I think I made it too long, again ;w;

I made this SFW uwu just some fluff!!!! But please keep in mind before you follow me, I MOSTLY POST NSFW works.

Warnings: slight story spoilers for episode 5, for Idia’s part, if u squint

Pairings: Dorm Leaders x Reader

I put things under a cut for length!!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle would probably want a partner who does well in school - at least someone who tries to! It would go against his own desires to do well in life if he has a partner who doesn’t have the drive to succeed like he does.

He isn’t particularly fond of people who have a lot of potential yet waste it on being lazy. Like I said before, it goes against his own morals.

I also see him wanting someone fun-loving! Riddle grew up in an environment where fun was essentially taboo so he would be drawn like a moth to a flame to someone who has so much energy in them. Remember one of his best childhood friends is Che’nya so he would probably not hate the idea of joking around and being silly once in a while!

Someone who would love sweets like him! Not too often so he could maintain his shape, but someone who would love to indulge him once in a while!

Riddle would love to see an S/O who makes time for him and the unbirthday parties that Heartslabyul hosts! He feels like a good dorm leader and seeing you make an effort to come makes him feel like a great boyfriend too!

“Ah, Y/N, I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to make it today.” Riddle sighed to himself in relief. He feared his rose would come to the party late. “Ah, sorry Riddle! I was late because I was studying for Professor Crewel’s exam but I lost track of time!” You breathed out, a bit exhausted from running.

The redhead only nodded and smiled at you. “Don’t worry about it, my rose. We’ve only just begun the party, so no need to fret.” Riddle’s gentlemanly ways never failed to make your heart soar. “No no, I’ll make it up to you! I’ll bake you a tart sometime, you’ll let me right?” You playfully nudged at your boyfriend’s arm and smirked.

Riddle could only blush furiously. “Th-that would not be a bad idea. I suppose I would accept the gift graciously, dear, but only if we can cook it together. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us to learn!”

Leona Kingscholar

Someone who loves to nap with him like all the time

Leona would definitely want someone who is willing to praise him a lot. Growing up he never really had that and felt like he was overshadowed by his big brother, so this guy needs validation like crazy. Tell him how strong he is, how much you love him, how warm he is… he’ll scoff and look away but you could see the faintest blush on his cheeks. He secretly loves it.

I feel like Leona would like bratty tsunderes, for some reason. He would be the perfect teasing type for them and I think I can just picture Leona and his S/O getting into play fights that lead to something more, if you catch my drift.

Someone who can be “refined” enough for show so that when he brings you home to his family, they can accept you fully. The last thing he wants is his family pestering him about how his potential mate isn’t a good fit.

As tough as he may be he def wants someone at the end of the day to stroke his head and calm him down after a long and stressful day.

“Oi, herbivore, come here and be my pillow.” Leona’s gruff voice broke the silence of his room. He was sitting up on his bed while you studied on his desk. Giggling, you made your way into his bed, crawling over to where he was. Leona pushed your torso down gently and started nuzzling his head on your chest, and you could feel the vibrations coming from his body that was like a low growl. Or was it purring?

“Of course, anything for my big strong boyfriend, the best Magift player in the school, my one and only love~” you endlessly praised him, smiling at him as if he were a rare diamond. Leona only huffed as he wrapped his muscular arms around your form, effectively preventing you from leaving.

“Tch…. Damn right….” Leona mumbled. “Why don’t you tell me more while I start drifting to sleep?” Leona smirked. Running your fingers through his hair carefully, you obliged, feeling Leona’s breathing become more calm as you continued.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul would ALSO want someone who praises him, due to his years of being bullied. Call him beautiful, smart, tell him he’s the most cunning man on campus. He EATS IT UP. This man will swear on his life for you.

He also would want someone who has the ability to work hard… what? The Mostro Lounge needs extra workers sometimes! Azul thinks that if he can own the lounge, manage contracts, AND study hard for school, his S/O should be able to match him!

I can see Azul absolutely praising/spoiling his S/O too. Since you give him so much happiness in his life he should pay it forward, no? What would you like, a new dress/suit? A new piece of jewelry?

Someone !!! Loyal!!! Azul wants someone who he can feel secure with in a relationship, so he probably wouldn’t want you to flirt with anybody else since his insecurities will SPARK UP like crazy!

Azul wants someone who loves him for who he is, unconditionally!

“Angelfish… hello, good evening. I’m sorry if I am a bit more tired than usual, I just finished with ordering more inventory for the lounge and dealing with some paperwork.” Azul sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You dropped your bags on one of the chairs of the VIP room and walked over slowly to your octomer boyfriend. Bringing your arms to his shoulders, you slowly begin to knead and massage his arms gently. Azul groaned at the contact, muscles aching.

“How is this, Azul? I know how hard you work, you deserve to take a break too, sometimes…” you spoke gently into his ear, kissing the shell of it. The contact gave him slight goosebumps. “Ah, I would love to but, I have so much more to do… I know it’s going to be a late night for me, so why don’t you head on to sleep?” You tsked, upset with his answer. “I know it’s late Azul, that’s why I’m here. You know, if you keep doing this you’ll get wrinkles, right?”

“Ahem! Well. Then, this might be a good place to stop if that’s the case…” Azul huffed, standing up quickly to retire to his room, you in tow.

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim wants someone who is cheerful! They may not be a ray of sunshine like he is, but I honestly can’t picture him with someone smug/gloomy. Kalim might be dense but he isn’t THAT stupid. I think he would be able to notice if you were upset which makes him upset.

Someone who is down for anything, Kalim would love to take you on a ride on his magic carpet at random hours of the day so be prepared to drop whatever you’re doing if you want to appease your impulsive boyfriend!

A fun loving person for sure, who isn’t super self conscious about what people think. If he asks you to dance with him he would really love for you to join! He wouldn’t want you to say something like, “oh, but I’m a bad dancer…” Kalim would shake his head and ask you why you would say that! It’s all about having a fun time together, right?

A patient lover is what Kalim would want as well, someone who’s kind, too. At the end of the day when Kalim is ready to sleep after his crazy antics, he wants a partner he can be able to lay next to and feel like himself.

Someone who loves him even if he weren’t rich, Kalim would want someone for their personality and not materialistic things or beauty. Kalim sees someone for their heart ! (*´꒳`*)

You yawned heavily while rubbing your eyes. Was that a tapping noise coming from the window? “Ugh…. What time is it?” Checking your phone, you saw it was 1:30am. You also had a text from Kalim.

*tap tap tap*

You groggily walked over to the window and opened the curtains to see Kalim sitting on his magic carpet with the biggest grin upon seeing you. Opening the window, you giggled lightly. “Good evening Kalim, fancy seeing you here so late.”

“Hi, Y/N!! I woke up and felt bored so, you wanna join me on a night ride around campus?” Kalim practically beamed at you, even this late at night. His smile never failed to make your heart flutter. The boy’s positive energy also transferred to you, effectively waking you up.Stepping onto the carpet from your window was your answer. After getting situated, you kissed Kalim’s cheek and held his hand. “Of course Kalim, I would love to.”

Vil Schoenheit

Someone who can tough out his callous words and treatment. Vil might be a bit much, but the reason why he does this is because he does it with the goal of ultimately helping you. He only wants to see the best out of people, including but not limited to his little sweet potato!

Someone who is patient. He knows he checks who the most beautiful person is quite often and he doesn’t do it to annoy you, it’s just for his own personal validation issues. Lay a hand on his arm, back, or head to give him praises and let him know he’s beautiful to you no matter what.

Someone who is willing to pepper him lightly with kisses (not the face though, he has makeup on!). He definitely eats it up and loves it so much, he feels like you are treating him like a king. He’ll pay that back tenfold and give you beauty treatments, it’ll feel like you’re at the spa on a weekday!

Vil is constantly posting on Magicam, depending on whether you’re comfortable enough to be posted on there he would want to make sure you are okay with him constantly taking photos to be posted on there. Whether it be food you cooked, matching couples outfits, or even pictures of you without makeup, be ready to face comments of all sorts coming from his fans.

“Mira Mira on my phone… Currently, who is the most beautiful of all?” You heard Vil speak outside of his room. Currently you sat on the small chaise at the foot of his bed. Vil told you he needed to step out for a second, so you could get ready for bed now. After putting on your sleeping clothes, Vil finally came back in, seeming more irritated than before. His eyebrows furrowed and his body looked tense.

“Vil, are you alright?” You questioned him as you made your way to his bed, slipping under the covers. Vil only sighed and exchange a quick “Mm.” as he changed into his pajamas and came to join you. He was turned so his back was facing you and he was a bit distant. You knew he didn’t get the answer he wanted when he got those search results back. You didn’t know how to convince your boyfriend otherwise but you decided you needed to talk to him.

“Vil, darling…” you spoke gently as you nuzzled closer, your chest pressing into his back. Your arm wrapped around him to pull him closer, to which he responded with finally relaxing in your touch. “You’re one of the best things that’s happened to me, Vil, I don’t know if you realize how lucky I am to have such a loving, caring, and talented boyfriend like you. Your beauty is simply the cherry on top of the person I fell in love with. To me, you’re perfect. I love you.” You ended your tangent by placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder, dozing off.

You couldn’t see Vil but he trembled lightly as tears silently fell down his face. “Thank you… I love you too, my sweet potato.” Vil whispered into his pillow. With you, he always felt like the most beautiful person.

Idia Shroud

Personality wise, I don’t think Idia would be picky. He’s a shy person and honestly would be surprised he could get an S/O at all! So is Ortho!

Speaking of Ortho, Idia wants someone who is kind and loving to his little brother. Knowing his partner loves his brother would only make him fall for you harder!

Probably someone who would give Idia his own space until he finally felt comfortable and wanted to take it further, he would prob take a few days to even kiss you!!!

Idia wants someone to be his player 2 :) like actually, come over and game with him and he’ll probably be the happiest boy ever.

Big big bonus if you love anime, cosplay, gaming, etc. It’s one thing to be an otaku like Idia but when he has a partner to fully indulge in his interests with?? It’s a win-win situation for everyone! He wants to do a couple cosplay one day if he gets the courage to ask you.

Someone who won’t pressure him too much. If you remember how Riddle pressured Idia into trying to speak publicly, you know how much of a scary situation it put Idia in, even though he was able to do it. Stressing him out is just gonna make him unhappy :(

Someone who enjoys spending as much time inside as he does! I’m not talking a hikikomori but someone who wouldn’t be opposed to staying inside with him 99.9% of the time lol

“Y-Y/N-shi, would you like to g-go on a date with me soon?” Idia fumbled with his fingers, looking away as he asked you. You raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Idia, this is the first time you asked me to ‘go on a date’. Don’t tell me, are we actually going out somewhere?!”

“Eek! D-don’t be ridiculous, Y/N!!” He almost screeched the words out. Suddenly he pulled out a couple of VR headsets with hand controllers, and handed one to you. “Fuhehe, I just made a bunch of simulation locations. We could go to the park, a restaurant, even an amusement park..!” He grinned showing off his teeth.

You giggled at Idia’s enthusiasm, loving the way he gets after speaking about his own creations. “What a wonderful idea, Idia. Maybe we could take Ortho to the ‘amusement park’ too? We’ll be a big family.” You mused. Idia’s face brightened and a faint pink tinge covered his cheeks.

“F-family, huh? Ah, Y-Y/N-shi…. That would be n-nice…” Idia blushed as he considered what the future would bring for the both of you.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus would also mostly not have preferences on a person’s personality. Like, he wouldn’t say something like: “I want someone shy vs someone bold.” Anything his child of man does is interesting to him and he’s entranced by you!

That being said, Malleus would not tolerate rudeness, disrespect to him, Lilia, or his fellow dorm mates, etc. He may love you but he values those bonds more, especially Lilia’s and his grandmother’s.

Malleus wants someone who is willing to teach him human tendencies, since he is curious about them. Malleus will also probably never stop asking you about your life in the previous world, and listen passionately as you describe the hobbies you had, family members, etc.

As long as you continue to love and treat Malleus like a normal person and with kindness, he will continue to love you endlessly. He’s so unused to it that he will feel so special as you only coo in awe instead of fear away, if he showed you a magic trick or maybe donned more of his draconic features like his tail or long claws.

You walked with Malleus under the bright moonlight in the woods near Ramshackle dorm. His height and charm never failed to impress you. And his face, he was so very handsome. His striking green eyes always made you feel hypnotized and his horns were so well taken care of, you almost wanted to reach out and-

“Hm, Child of Man… you do know it’s quite rude to stare, yes?” Malleus chuckled and suddenly broke the silence, making you gasp. “Ah, sorry Tsunotarou. I-,” searching your thoughts, you just couldn’t think of anything quickly enough. “I just couldn’t help myself. You’re very attractive.” You murmured, admitting defeat.

“Oh? Do I not intimidate you, my dear? Usually humans and even other fae fear my features and tend to shy away…” Malleus looked down in thought as he continued walking. You wrapped yourself around one of his arms as he walked, effectively stopping him in his place. “Well, you don’t intimidate me! I like being around you, so, let’s keep it that way. I want to stay with you for a long time so don’t get too tired of me okay, Malleus?”

Hearing you say his given name only made the fae’s heart beat harder in his chest. Surely you knew what you did to him. He smiled down at you, green eyes softening in your gaze.

“I assure you I won’t, little human.”

#riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #twst headcanons #twst dorm leaders #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader

[eyrieofsynapses]

Alright, YJ peeps, listen up, because I’m sick and tired of seeing constant criticism lobbed at YJ for making Wally slower than his comic canon version, Barry and Bart. There’s a very good reason to do this—and it’s completely in Wally’s favor.

Let me preface this by saying that I sincerely love Wally’s comics. I am one hundred percent on board that Wally deserves to be recognized for the badass he is. His 90s comics established the most important elements of the Flash today. We wouldn’t have the Speedforce if it weren’t for him! It’s been defining the Flash for decades! He gets the short stick over and over. It only rubs salt in the wound that people believe Barry’s faster when it’s been stated repeatedly that Wally’s the fastest person in the DC universe. (There are few faster ways to piss me off than to say Barry’s a better Flash than Wally.) 

But. But. YJ was incredibly clever when they made him slower. Why? Wally has to be more creative than Barry because he’s slower, showing his intelligence and building him up to be a better Flash. Don’t believe me? Take a close look at Bloodlines.

Barry and Impulse figure out how to foil Neutron’s first blast of energy on their own. But it’s Wally who figures out that Neutron’s about to release an even more deadly wave with the help of his goggles, which Barry immediately borrows. Wally hand-made his goggles to compensate for his lack of speed. He wouldn’t have had them if he were as fast as the other two. Nobody would’ve realized how much danger they were in, and everyone would have died.

While comic!Wally is definitely smart, he’s so powerful that as the Flash, he can often solve problems just with sheer power. He doesn’t have to be super clever about it most of the time. In YJ, this is true of both Barry and Bart. They can be clever, but they’re heavily reliant on their powers. YJ!Wally has to compensate for lack of power with intelligence. He diversifies his skillset, using a mixture of science, strategy, and superpowers to solve problems instead of relying on sheer force.

Wally isn’t just slower; he also can’t control his momentum. Barry and Bart can dissipate kinetic energy at will, while he has to find ways to get rid of it. But he turns it to his advantage. 

Pay attention to how he fights. You’ll notice he often cannonballs into people and uses acrobatics instead of flat-out running. He can’t bombard someone with a rain of blows the same way, so he dodges and avoids close combat.

There’s a lot more to that, but in a nutshell: Wally’s fighting style is significantly more complex than Barry’s. I’m not saying Barry never uses those skills, but I can’t remember any time we saw him do it. Wally learned to do that on his own, and he figured out how to incorporate other people’s fighting styles into his repertoire. Remember the acrobatics? Who wants to bet he picked that up from Dick?

Which brings me to my next point: Wally works better with the Team not just because he grew up with them, but because he has to cooperate with others to make the best of his skills. Wally can’t just blaze through things. He has to conserve his energy and make the best of his speed. In the Team, they have to piece together where he’ll be the most effective. It forces him to stop and consider what he’s doing and how it’ll impact the overall picture, taming his impulsive behavior.

Think about his attitude in the pilot. He races on ahead, alerting the enemy to their presence and nearly getting himself killed. Over the course of the season, he learns stealth and patience, which we see repeatedly demonstrated in the last few episodes.

Back to Bloodlines for a moment. When Wally, Barry, and Bart initially show up to the disaster scene, Barry runs headlong into the danger. Bart follows him. Wally, however, stops to talk to the police captain and gather information about the situation. Barry and Bart join them afterward. They proceed to speed-talk at each other, coming up with a plan… and then instead of explaining it to Wally, they just tell him to follow their lead.

Barry and Bart were impulsive while he stopped to think. Wally was a better team player: the other two didn’t include him in their planning, thus missing crucial details and potentially putting him in danger.

Their plan works in the short-term. But when they think they’ve solved it, Wally takes a second look, analyzing the situation and double-checking that they’re finished. If they stopped ahead of time and took a moment to consider what was happening, they might’ve noticed the energy problem sooner and come up with a better solution.

Worst of all, Barry rushes in again to pull Neutron out the second time. He only survives because of Bart. Yes, it’s because they’re short on time, but again: this might’ve been prevented sooner if they thought things through.

What does it say that Wally patiently paid attention to detail and was more thoughtful than his experienced mentor?

Yes, some of this is stuff he might have learned with advanced speed. But would he really have to be so thoughtful about how he uses his abilities? Not likely. 

Nor would he have incorporated science and gear into his skillset. Among other things, he knows how to make an EMP and recognizes where to apply it in Homefront. Dick’s their tech whiz, but Wally comes up with technological and scientific solutions that he can’t.

But Wally doesn’t only use science and technology in ways his uncle and cousin can’t or won’t. He thinks differently about problems. 

In Bloodlines, Barry and Bart assume the coast is clear after they take down Neutron the first time. They only consider things within the vast range of their powers, assuming that covers everything. Wally thinks about what they can’t see. He’s more limited, so he’s learned to take every piece of a situation into account.

Basically: Wally is much more flexible than his faster counterparts. He adapts far better to adverse situations because he’s forced to make small-scale accommodations on a daily basis. Because of that, he’s able to come up with better solutions, work better in a team, and solve problems without his powers.

And may I remind all of you: YJ Wally GAVE HIMSELF HIS POWERS, but his comic version got them without effort! The Speedforce bestowed them on him without his involvement! 

People, YJ!Wally is a goddamn genius prodigy. We forget it sometimes because of his early-on immaturity and his jokes, but seriously, Wally’s far and away one of the smartest people in the YJ universe. YJ Wally is a distinctively unique Flash character because of his wit and intelligence!

But guess what? Guess what the real cherry on top is? If they bring Wally back in the fourth season at a full speed, he’ll be the fastest and the wisest Flash. He’ll know how to apply his new powers in ways that the others would never think of. Because he’s spent so much time applying science to his abilities, he’ll know how to use his new powers in sync with it, whereas Bart and Barry won’t think on those levels. 

Best of all, Wally’s the best team player. He’ll be incredible with both the original Team and anyone else he has to work with. 

Think about it. A full-speed Flash with Wally’s technological brilliance, intelligence, observance, and teamwork skills? He’ll be unstoppable.

So please shut up about how YJ did Wally dirty. It’s a thousand times more interesting to watch him work out how to solve a problem rather than just solve it in a snap with his powers. If anything, YJ improved his character and made him better.

#wally west #young justice #yj meta #there is also A LOT to be said about how this impacts his relationship with Barry #and how it causes that insecurity that's so vital to his character arc #but that's a meta for another day #basically: YJ was INCREDIBLE at crafting Wally's character and arc #this was a FANTASTIC writing decision #I will DIE ON THIS HILL. #YJ made some mistakes but there are some things they don't get enough credit for #this is one of them #that first season was goddamn amazing for what they had to work with #anyway yup I Angry about this #young justice meta #yj #yj wally west #young justice wally west #meta #synapse rants #synapse meta #young justice cartoon #yj cartoon #kid flash #yj kid flash

[urie]

not to write serious meta about the television show Euphoria (i am 26 years old and i pay bills) but that finale was such bullshit that i really feel like the entire show has been ruined for me, i know that sounds very dramatic and disproportionate as a reaction but it has become increasingly clear to me that sam levinson cannot be trusted to write female characters with trauma

i think the most obvious example of this is the way he treats cassie as a character, and how the other characters react to her

in the first season, cassie’s character includes being oversexualized since puberty, consistently pressured into sex and also coerced into making multiple sex tapes, then having those videos shared around the entire school, being drawn to any man who gives her positive attention because its the only thing she thinks she is good for, then mckay being embarrassed of her for being “slutty,” then mckay using her body to prove his masculinity, then getting pregnant and being pressured into an abortion she didnt want to have

absolutely not a single bit of this is addressed or talked about in the second season and its just like... why? all of those things are key aspects of who she is and why she reacts to things, but throughout the entire season, there isnt a single person who is trying to actually help her. kat immediately turns on her and calls her a cunt. rue vindictively outs her relationship with nate in front of everyone. lexi is tired of her and annoyed with her. even her mom shows very little empathy when she is clearly having a genuine psychotic episode

maddy is the only one this season who has a genuine reason to be mad at her, but even that is handled really poorly. you’d think that maddy would be partly mad at cassie for dating her ABUSER, not dating her ex boyfriend. you’d think that for all that talk about loyalty and friendship, maddy would maybe tell cassie that her boyfriend threatened her with a fucking gun. why is not a single person worried about cassie? everyone knows nate is abusive, physically and emotionally, and maddy specifically knows how genuinely dangerous he is, but there isnt one moment in the show where someone actually shows concern for cassie. did no one wonder why nate isolated cassie from all her friends? did that not seem like a red flag to the people that were supposed to be her best friends?

these are rhetorical because the problem at its core is that these characters are not actually being written believably. cassie is treated as a crazy bitch the entire season. she’s hysterical, she cries in every scene, she’s obsessed with nate, she’s causing a scene, and everyone rolls their eyes. including the audience. because sam levinson doesnt care to explain why she is acting like this, or maybe remind the audience of everything she went through in the first season. he literally never even mentions her abortion. he never puts cassie’s behavior into the context of her trauma, and the other characters dont either

cassie is like, easily the character with the most sexual trauma. there are many times its implied that she has been raped, and its a fact that shes experienced coercive rape, and if this had been mentioned even once in this season it would have done a lot to explain why she is drawn to abusive men, or why she submits herself to them and lets them take over her life. the closest she got to any empathy was from Hot Milf Minka Kelly saying that line about how a man gave her attention at the wrong time when she was vulnerable. cassie wasnt even in that scene and it didnt seem like maddy even listened to that 

these are not believable characters because sam levinson doesnt have a single woman helping him write them. he cant believably write a female character with sexual trauma because he doesnt understand shit about it, and even if he did, he made no effort to remind the audience that cassie is severely traumatized 

she is just consistently shit on this season. there isnt a single person in her corner. not even her own mother. we’re even meant to look at her outburst at lexi as crrraaazzzy irrational cassie when actually she has every right to be hurt that lexi is literally putting all her trauma on display and making cassie into this hypersexual villain, because... she got boobs and lexi didnt?

realistically lexi would know what cassie went through. she would know how cassie has been abused and used for her body. she would have empathy for her older sister. but this is just explicitly unrealistic. making fun of your sister for having huge tits and being sexual with men when you know shes been raped, because there are literally videos of it that have been shared around, would be sociopathic shit. unrealistic! literally this would not happen, and if it did, then lexi would be incredibly in the wrong and incredibly cruel, but we are not meant to see it this way

this is a lot of rambling but like cassie’s character is given zero respect this season, while simultaneously being the person whose tits are out the most, who has the most nude scenes, and it’s extremely ironic that her character’s trauma comes from being oversexualized and the entire season the camera is oversexualizing her

if sam levinson was a good writer then that would be a commentary. it would be intentional. but, you know. he just really likes sydney sweeney’s titties i guess. maybe you just gotta give the straight men being forced by their gfs to watch this show something to make it worth their while  

sexual trauma is completely ignored. cassie acted irrationally this season, but in a way that would be understandable and sympathetic if they had addressed her history and reminded people of everything she has been through and the obvious consequences of it but that wasnt done because sam levinson did not consider it to be important to explain

please god hire a single other writer. just ONE. a woman. hire just one woman please. 

[captnjacksparrow]

Hey, really liked your analysis of Hinata. I feel almost the same way about her. Even though generally I dislike female characters who are naturally meek, subservient and pointless with no character arc in any type of media, what made me absolutely hate her character was how she treated Neji. If Kishi wanted to show her arc being developed organically, instead of proposing to Naruto that removes her stuttering and gives her new found confidence (because girls only get confident when proposing to guys 🙄), Kishi could have shown her talking to Neji after he literally told his bitter story on the chuunin exam grounds in front of everyone. She is shown like she is sympathetic but didn't do anything about it. She didn't even talk to him after he was hospitalized. She knew exactly why he was the way he was, and yet she fights him as if it was his fault. She, an heir of the clan, could have asked her father to support Neji, she had some clout. But nope. In fact, it was Neji who apologizes to her in a way, he is the one who trains her and help create a new jutsu for her. What did she ever do for him exactly? And Neji didn't have to help her. She was in the best position to help and understand Neji but what did she do? A lot of fans like her character because she is reserved but kind and sympathetic. She is reserved but a coward. She was not kind towards Neji. He died for her when he didn't deserve to, he had dreams and goals that were much bigger than Hinata's entire existence. She couldn't even see her own cousin's pain and she claims to understand Naruto?? Really??

Even Kishi said she was a pitiful character who only watches from a distance. He deliberately made her that way, no goal, no backbone and no lines. And I think she sucks the most after Danzo.

WoooW!!!! Thanks for the ask, Anon.

[[Hinata and Sakura fans!!!! Please stay away and don't interact. I fucking tagged them properly]].

Even though generally I dislike female characters who are naturally meek, subservient and pointless with no character arc in any type of media, what made me absolutely hate her character was how she treated Neji.

We definitely share the same thoughts on this one, Anon.

I am really tired on most of the media for their poor treatment of female characters.

The last time I was amused by a female character was from 'Game of Thrones', I loved Cersei Lannister, who is an absolute biashhh and Sansa Stark, started out as an annoying rose tinted princess but ended up winning everyone's heart. Both are non-combative, soft spoken and somewhat powerless women in a world dominated by men. But they just didn't let the inconveniences stop them and instead they learned how to fuck that world back and take control. Both are similar and yet very different.

After seeing, such well-developed characters..... For me girls in Naruto series, is blehhhhh..... Nothing to get inspired from them. And I knew it by episode 3 itself. I have no idea how can girls, in real life, treat Sakura as some feminist icon, which makes my skin crawl for number of reasons. If you point her mistakes out in any discussions, they will pull the misogynist card to your face. When in reality, I am also a girl and my world views are entirely different from Sakura or Hinata. There is no way a 12 year old girl would want to look at the Duck of another boy.

And the problem is, They form the majority, I mean people who can connect with Sakura or Hinata. So, as long as girls like them exists, we really should suffer from these crap portrayal I guess.

That's why I advise people that If you want to see a good woman character, Narutoverse is not the place.

Having said that, I find Temari, Konan, Tsunade were better (I mean inside the Narutoverse). Though their motivations or reason to achieve a goal revolve around their men, I find their attitude relieving. Unlike Sakura or Hinata, they don't wet themselves on the sight of the men they love.

What irritates me was, Kishimoto could've easily put a character like Temari or TenTen or Tsunade into Team 7. It would've made my viewing experience a lot better. If he doesn't want the strong girls to take over the attention from his boys, then he should've introduced a meek character like Rin Nohara. She is silent and cute but atleast she was willing to die for the Village and never wetted herself over Kakashi, though she loved him. And she treated Obito like her best friend. But he deliberately made Sakura hateful and he never stopped.

Sakura and Hinata were the lowest of the low, compared to any other side characters. And, in the end, they got the main Character's Ducks without actively doing anything. For me this tells me three things

He was using these girls as a shield to close the hetero normative mouths while in reality hiding those boys true feelings under that shield.

He really hated these kind of girls and constantly showing his hatred on them at every given chance and never redeemed them back. 

He knew the target audience’ mindset and he simply caters them by giving them what they need and at the same time writing the important arcs according to his wish.

I think, it’s the combination of all three. 

Just to give you an example.

There is this delusional SS shipper Who justifies Sasuke was acting Tsundere throughout the war arc. I mean, come on!!!! 

I came across this post because, the Original Poster was an idiot who comes into the anti SS tag and reblogged my content and saying I was wrong... So, I don’t mind sharing that person’s content.

So I don’t know where this delusion comes from... It's truly pathetic.

There are millions of idiots who believe in this kind of shit and Kishi is deliberately feeding them with bits and crumbs while making his boys go out and save the world.

These delusional mindset tells us they don’t give a single shit about the story as a whole. They watch it purely for the pretty faces and getting high over them. In this case, Sasuke.

It’s as clear as day that Sasuke didn’t care about anyone other than Naruto when fighting the war. You don’t have to be a shipper but even a non-shipper can point this out. I mean Sasuke wouldn’t have saved Jugo either, if he didn’t come to Sasuke and advice him. Do you think Sasuke would’ve tried to look for Jugo and saved him at all cost???? It’s just that he came to Sasuke and he helps him back. But Sasuke would’ve saved Naruto from the bomb blast even if he was standing a mile away.

So, if these delusions reflects the mindset of the majority of the women audience, then the creator will never try to give anything better but instead give us some low-life characters like Sakura and Hinata. 

So, Anon, your expectation for Hinata’s character could’ve been developed much better is just a wishful thinking. Because, Hinata is a character for these kind of people and not for us. And the author deliberately did it. 

She was in the best position to help and understand Neji but what did she do? A lot of fans like her character because she is reserved but kind and sympathetic. She is reserved but a coward. She was not kind towards Neji. He died for her when he didn't deserve to, he had dreams and goals that were much bigger than Hinata's entire existence. She couldn't even see her own cousin's pain and she claims to understand Naruto?? Really??

For me, this also irked me a lot. 

Hinata could’ve tried to talk to Neji about his problems even when he was a child. But she was simply playing innocent when in reality, she is just a coward. Even after the Chunin Exams, there was no apologies from her side, like you said. Because she is from the Main Branch. That hierarchy never changed. If she had the gall, she could’ve easily broken that hierarchy by saying, ‘I want Neji Nii-San to take over our Clan, He is the best candidate for this and I can gladly help him with all my efforts’.  A single line and just 2 or 3 panels, it all takes.

For me killing Neji is where Kishi asking us silently, 

Do you really want these pair to happen despite having a blood stain of another character??? 

Most people said, ‘Yes!!!’, because they don’t give two shits about Neji. As long as Hinata gets Naruto, the main character’s Duck, that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t matter who dies, who lives. 

That's why Kishi is shitting on them by making her as a non-existent woman in the Boruto Manga.

Even in real life, there are many hopeless foolish little girls who would do anything for the man she loves. I've seen them and I always stay 2 miles away from them. I mean, they even ditch their own friends and spends her entire time with him and when he dumps her later, she will come back to her friends for consolation. I think Sansa Stark is the best example for this. She started out much similar to Sakura and Hinata, believing in Princes and shit, she even naively betrayed her father for the man she had crush on. But the author made her to learn her lesson in a much painful way and later she came out as a Queen who no longer needed any man at the end. I think, this is called Development.

At the end of the day, Romance and Sex is all that matters. The author knew it. So, he is feeding these girls with some low quality cookies and they are very glad to take and eat it.

#ask #anti naruhina #anti hinata #anti sakura #anti sasusaku #anti nh #anti ss #naruto analysis #sasunaru #sasunarusasu #sns #antisasusaku #antiss #antisakura

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Fairy Tales Recaps: “The Indecisive King”

Happy very late Thanksgiving, everyone! (If you celebrate, of course.) I meant to have this recap out weeks ago, but those celebrations have seriously cut into my writing time. However, given that it is the holidays, I am immensely pleased to report that our pattern continues: I really liked this episode.

Story number four in our series, titled “The Indecisive King,” opens on said King amid a beautifully ornate border, looking like he’s been taken directly from a storybook and placed within our screens. I mentioned during “The Grimm Child” that, from a style standpoint, I’m more enamored with RWBY: Fairy Tale’s backgrounds than I am the characters. Some designs are quite appealing overall, but the choppy movements of the characters and, in the case of our almost-shadow people, their missing body parts, makes the experience of actually watching them somewhat off-putting. In “The Indecisive King’s” case, I found the animation of the characters’ eyes to be distracting; moving in unnatural ways and suddenly going full, anime emotional between blinks:

But many of the backgrounds? Gorgeous. Really, I think I most enjoy the style when the adaptation is using Violet Tobacco’s illustrations as a starting point, rather than going full Camp Camp.

But I’m getting off track. As said, we open on this storybook King who is quickly growing tired and sickly under the weight of that Crown. Ozpin asks whether knowledge is truly capable of solving all our problems. “What happens to the moral mind when it has more knowledge than it is capable of bearing?” These are good concerns to ponder and, unlike some of the other episodes, are completely relevant to the story we’re about to see.

I also enjoyed the beginning’s structure here, wherein we see a future version of the King already buckling under whatever knowledge he’s seen. What did the Crown show him? Does he ever make a decision? Does he die from the strain the knowledge has put on him? While taking notes, I praised the adaptation for generating a number of questions that would hook the viewer... and then the episode proceeded to answer exactly none of them. We don’t learn what the King saw, we don’t know if this choice actually came to pass, if was able to decide, or what came of that. Indeed, this version of the King never comes to exist thanks to some timely intervention. I want to be clear that I don’t really intend this as a criticism. I think keeping the decision a mystery is quite compelling (and frankly helps keep the story focused on the takeaway lessons, as opposed to getting bogged down by the specifics of any particular situation), and I likewise enjoy that we got that happy ending. Thanks to the efforts of another, the King never has to reach this point.

So it’s not that I disagree with the choices here, rather I’m just acknowledging that our new beginning potentially raises expectations that are never met. Due to the opening, I was waiting for the story to tell me what the agonizing decision is, show me a fallen King, and potentially kill him off with a hard lean into the cautionary aspects of the tale. When none of that was occurring by the five minute mark, I had to mentally backtrack a bit and reevaluate what parts of the story “The Indecisive King” was prioritizing.

Nevertheless, I like this version of the tale even if it’s not what I expected. We cut to an idyllic looking castle where the King sits on his throne and listens to his peoples’ problems. We’re shown two men arguing over a tree that fell in one’s yard, destroying his fence. He argues that because the tree originated on the other man’s property, he should be responsible for fixing the fence and cleaning the mess up (which, where I’m from anyway, is precisely what’s expected). The man with the tree, however, argues that it was a storm that blew it over, so why should he be punished for an act of nature outside of his control? Given RWBY’s track record, I honestly believed for a second that the King’s solution would be some rubbish I’d end up doing a deep dive into, explaining precisely why this wasn’t actually fair in the way the show intends it to be. Instead, I love his idea! The King says that they should both work together to clear the tree, using the new wood to fix the neighbor’s fence and then, if there’s anything leftover, they’ll sell it at market and split the proceedings. In the book he also adds that a new tree should be planted in the old one’s place. With a single command, the King has solved the fence problem, helped the neighbors reconcile, did so in a way that didn’t overtly put blame on either party - which is frankly what they both seemed to expect, similar to the animal and human expectations seen in “The Judgment of Faunus” - and may have even earned them a bit of extra money to boot.

Well done, RWBY. You wanted a King who is known for his wise council and you’ve succeeded in making me believe that this man does, in fact, provide that.

Just as the King is about to conclude his work for the day, a disheveled woman arrives begging for an audience. The King’s advisor, despite being in the process of closing the door, simply smiles and beckons her inside which also helps sell the idea that the King is as kindly as he appears. There’s no griping about another citizen asking for help and the advisor doesn’t even need to explain the woman’s presence. She’s here, she’s distraught, that’s all that matters.

She explains succinctly that grimm destroyed her village and killed her family. She has nowhere to go and nothing to live for. The King, being the good man he is, immediately says that she should live in the castle as long as she wishes and, most importantly, she must keep on living. That’s an important bit to keep in mind for the end of the story.

It’s also worth noting that when the woman kneels down we get to see that she’s a faunus with some sort of dog-like tail. I say this is notable because this episode is coming right on the heels of our two faunus origin myths, where the suspicion and hatred between species is emphasized. Now, next myth, we see humans helping faunus and faunus helping humans, with neither side using the divide in species as a reason for or against that assistance. The King is nice to this faunus woman simply because he’s seemingly nice to everyone and, in a moment, an evil faunus will show up and enact evil because... well, that’s just what happens in fairy tales, isn’t it? Myers makes no mention of the characters’ species (that I recall, anyway), saying only that this is a “sad woman” and a man with “wild eyes,” so why the change? I can easily imagine the thought process here and normally I’d applaud it. When a text gives no specifics regarding identity, why not embrace diversity? There’s no reason why these two characters can’t be faunus... unless you consider the implications of the series as a whole. As far as I’m currently aware, RT isn’t adapting all of Myers’ stories and they’re not releasing them in the original order either. A series includes not just the specifics of each episode, but also how those episodes fit together. RWBY: Fairy Tales has ensured the viewer’s mind is focused on Remnant’s discrimination given that we just got not one, but two faunus myths last week, tackling that problem in different ways. Then the series goes on to include (new) faunus characters whose place in the story entirely ignores that conflict. Which isn’t to say that every myth with faunus in it has to revolve around the racism they suffer, just that it’s a choice to emphasize the state of Remnant through two myths and then bypass it in the next myth entirely, settling for more of a “colorblind” approach. It once again makes me wonder who, culturally, is the author of this tale. Who out there is passing down myths that seemingly include diversity for the sake of diversity?

It’s an interesting question for me because this myth includes details that I’d normally highlight as significant, but the writers don’t seem to realize that these choices carry any weight at all. For example, why is the “good” faunus given the cute dog tail that she wags when happy whereas the “bad” faunus is given not just the potentially dangerous trait (horns gouge), but also one of the most prominent animal features we’ve seen in the whole series? They’re huge.

Diversity for the sake of diversity doesn’t achieve the same things when the rest of your story says, “This specie’s interaction with this other species is significant and so is how they’re depicted.”

But I am once again getting ahead of myself. So this faunus dude shows up and it is, admittedly, not just the massive horns that mark him as someone to be wary of. He’s got the same white skin as the Chill victims in “The Grimm Child,” has his eyes hidden beneath the hood of his cloak (classic way to make a character appear suspicious), and he shows up claiming that he has a very special gift for the King just... because? As said, suspicious.

That’s actually a great way to showcase appearance bias and learned markers in media: the King being nice is taken at face value because he’s a handsome king. This guy being nice induces wariness because his appearance draws on details we’ve culturally decided are creepy.

Now, as is common for this series, Myers includes another detail that smooths things over a significant amount. In the book we’ve already established that the citizens often bring the King gifts as a means of thanking him for his sound advice, so right off the bat it’s not weird for this visitor to be offering a grand gift. We also get a bit more conversation where he stresses that he’s giving the Crown away precisely because of its unique ability. According to the visitor, the King is “the only one suited to wear it” (39). There’s even a moment where the King whispers that this is a “hard offer to refuse,” implying that there’s potentially a bit of arrogance egging the King on. Just as later he’ll believe that it’s his sole responsibility to shoulder whatever horrific choice is coming his way, right now he’s buying into the idea that yes, he is the only suited to wear such a gift.

However, none of this makes its way into the adaptation. The loss doesn’t ruin the episode by any stretch of the imagination — as a fairy tale, we’re especially primed to just go, “Okay, sure” whenever plot things happen — but Myers’ version helps sell the exchange a bit more.

As we expect, the King immediately puts the Crown on and is launched into the unspecified vision. The adaptation gets around the particulars by dropping him into a void with lots of flashing lights and screaming. It very much implies a war to me (especially given how idyllic the kingdom is presented as now), but again, we’re not supposed to know precisely what the choice is. All we know is that it’s a doozy. “No!” the King cries. “It can’t be!”

Horrified, the King removes the Crown and demands that his guards capture the faunus who brought it, but he’s already disappeared. From there, we see precisely how much that decision is weighing on him as the king grows tired and loses the confidence he formerly had in his decisions. I should note though that the adaptation does this through a single encounter, rather than describing the passing of time and giving a short montage, as the story does. I point this out because although the theme of being indecisive is glaringly obvious — it’s right there in the title — by giving us just one moment of the King’s failure, I originally thought there was something specific about this encounter that worried the King, rather than him just being indecisive overall.

To clarify, a woman comes in and explains to the King that she’s fallen for a young man, but given that he’s poor, her father doesn’t approve of the match. Should she marry for lover, or wait for stability? At first the King advises that she marry the man, as we’d expect, but just as she’s leaving he calls out and changes his mind, devastating her. As said at the start, I originally went into the episode expecting to learn what this crucial choice was, so my immediate thought here was, “What in the world does this woman’s love life have to do with a future, potential tragedy?” I figured the King changed his mind because he thought his original choice — marrying for love — might somehow lead him down the wrong road in regards to his vision. That line of thinking is on me though, not the episode. In reality, this is a micro issue as opposed to a macro one: the King simply worries that he’s making the wrong choice for her, not that this choice will have future consequences for him and the kingdom. As he says in the book, love cannot put food on the table, or shelter you. Surely waiting for a man with money is best.

The woman doesn’t think so and runs from the castle sobbing. I couldn’t help but question this because there’s an easy solution to her grief, right? Just ignore the King’s advice. I mean, advice is only advice if it comes with the understanding that you don’t have to follow it and, in a way, the King solved her dilemma unintentionally. If she was that thrilled being told to marry and that upset when told not to, she now knows precisely what she should do, regardless of what her family might think. So isn’t this a good thing?

Well, again (I remain a broken record) Myers clarifies things. We’re told at the start of the tale that anyone who seeks the King’s council must abide by a single rule: whatever he determines is what the citizens must do. So it’s not really advice everyone is getting, but royal decrees. Thanks to this detail, it makes complete sense in the book why the King is so sure that the two men will follow his instructions regarding the tree, why the woman is so devastated about being told not to marry, and why there’s now so much worry about making the wrong call. The King knows that whatever he says is what his subjects will do: “The widow had no choice but to listen to his advice” (39-40). The closest we get to this explanation in the show is the King’s advisor questionably going, “And so it is… commanded?” But “commanded” just comes across as him being overly formal in his language.

Losing these details doesn’t ruin the adaptation. As said, I did really enjoy it and I think for the average viewer with a willingness to just go with whatever the story says — a crucial difference between the “stans” and the “HTDM” — everything works just fine. I’m less concerned with RT writing stories with questions attached (that’s par for the course) than I am their inability to pick up on and maintain the crucial aspects of a story that already exists. You know how all houses have load bearing walls? It’s one thing to lack the knowledge needed to design a house with them properly in place. It’s quite another thing to be given a house with the walls already put in, make claims about how, after eight years, you definitely know what you’re doing, and then go knocking those load bearing walls out with a sledge hammer. It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but stories rely on what we might call foundational elements to be both internally consistent and allow the viewer to seamlessly follow along. Myers understands that and, for his Fairy Tales book anyway, has done the work to put in those metaphorical walls. RT’s adaptation is swinging the sledgehammer with gleeful abandon, removing many of them in the process.

Still, the fairy tale largely holds together and is, more importantly, enjoyable despite the small stumbles.

After this incident the King decides that he can no longer hold court. Instead, he calls in advisors of his own to help him solve this “impossible problem.” None of them manage it, leaving the King even more despondent than before. In time, the faunus woman grows concerned, but is unable to see the King as she is, technically, just a civilian. In Myers’ version she visits the King later when he’s gone to sit with the Crown in a locked room. Here, she just plops herself down at the back of the line, which I think is a wonderful change. These stories don’t have much room for characterization, but this woman is very much meant to be both strong willed (she survived the destruction of her family and village), as well as, soon, the advisor the King actually needs. Having her join the line is both a fantastic peek into her attitude — ‘Well I’m as wise as all these men!’ — and a fantastic bit of foreshadowing.

By the time she reaches the King night has fallen and the weight of this choice is really taking its toll. Despite living in the castle for an unspecified amount of time, the King no longer remembers who the woman is, disappointing her. As always, this tracks a little better in the original because Myers takes the time to describe the crowds that are common in the castle. Yes, we see a crowd during the young lover’s visit too, but the adaptation has many more shots where it’s just the King, the faunus woman, and the advisor, making me side-eye how in the world the King has forgotten who she was. She’s living there. 

Regardless, she asks, “Let me wear the Crown so I may understand.” Here she knows about the Crown because she was essentially spying on him, though with none of the usual, malicious intent that “spying” implies. She was up in another level of the castle looking down through a window when the faunus man arrived and those proceedings are, it seems, usually public anyway. In Myers’ story, however, the woman’s actions are a bit more dubious, wherein she follows the King down into the castle and looks through a lock while he wears the Crown, believing himself to be unobserved. The locks and sneaking aside, it’s pretty clear he values his privacy in this. He’s looking around suspiciously before encountering her and when he does spot her, he gets very angry:

The door flew open. The King’s face was contorted with rage. He seized her arm. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” He called out to the hallway, “Guards!” The widow raised a hand protectively (42).

I’m not going to lie, the yelling, grabbing her arm, and raising a hand “protectively” all set off a slew of alarm bells. The woman is clearly expecting the King to hit her, though whether that tells us something about the King, or her past husband, we just don’t know enough to say. The point is, in one instance the knowledge comes about through happenstance, in the other she deliberately seeks it out, despite knowing that the King is working to keep it secret. Neither version is necessarily better or worse than the other, just different in terms of characterization.

What’s funny though is that here the King doesn’t react at all to that knowledge, which includes not questioning how she seems to know so much about a matter he’s now working to keep under wraps. Random woman I can’t remember knows what the Crown does and wants to try it on? Sure! Let’s run with it. The same way he ran with the creepy faunus dude offering the Crown in the first place. No time for hesitation in the seven minute short.

What follows is a legitimately nice exchange and impressively so, given how little time we’ve had to establish these characters. Putting the Crown on, the woman is gifted a future vision of the King proposing to her, a declaration she’s so excited about you can see her tail wagging a mile a minute. This moment also has another layer of meaning in the original because the King has promised “their heart’s desire” to the wise man who can offer him guidance (42). Though the King doesn’t acknowledge that the woman found his solution by offering that reward, she gets it anyway by starting this relationship. Her heart’s desire is him and it’s not hard to predict what her answer to the proposal will be.  

Though then again, perhaps that’s not true. After all, this entire fable is about how much knowing a future choice messes with you in the present, so how are we to know a similar fate won’t befall her as well? I mean, we do know because the tale ends on a happy note and confirms their eventual marriage, but imagine for a moment that you knew for sure he’d pop the question someday... and then you find it’s taking too long for that day to arrive. She’s already in love with him, but he has just admitted that he doesn’t even remember who she is. These two are at completely different points in their relationship, so imagine waiting for a future moment that you don’t just hope will happen, but 100% expect to occur. The frustration of waiting longer than you’d like might be the very thing that changes your future. The woman in the vision is thrilled at the proposal. The woman who got to see the vision is, according to the lesson, no longer that woman. Her future, by default, should be different — or at least malleable — because by seeing this vision she is changed from the woman who exists within it. She’s been given the same kind of future knowledge, yet it doesn’t have the impact on her that it does on the King.

I suppose what I’m getting at in these convoluted ramblings, beyond a hypothetical about how fixed time is, is the difference between perceived good knowledge and bad. It’s awful to wear the Crown if it’s going to show you something awful and, if you wind up in that position, just put the choice out of your mind. Knowledge is a burden. But if the Crown shows you something good, well, that’s entirely different. Then you should lean into that and look forward to your future choice. Knowledge is a comfort. The implication seems to be that nothing bad could ever come out of a good-looking peek into your future.

But that’s enough theorizing for one recap. The story concludes here, with the woman literally pulling the King into the light as she teaches him not to dwell on future events. “You must keep living,” she tells him, the exact advice he gave her when she first arrived, though here it takes on a slightly different meaning. Her advice felt quite literal to me. Dark as it is, he’s telling her that she can’t give up on living despite all she’s suffered and everything she’s lost. For the King, he’s got no problem moving forward — he’s too concerned with that momentum — but has forgotten how to live figuratively in the present. I really liked the repetition of that wisdom and the different meanings it holds for them both. Again, a surprising amount of character work for such a short tale.

Ozpin ends the story with, “And so the wise King found an even wiser Queen.” I probably could have made this entire recap clearer by referring to her as “the Queen,” but I didn’t want to give away the ending in case anyone hasn’t watched lol.

So at the very start of all this I mentioned the off-putting anime eyes, yeah? It wasn’t the only animation choice that stood out to me. Despite my overall enjoyment of the story itself, there were some details that proved unintentionally funny. The Queen, when she first arrives, is seen running up the path leading to the castle. Thing is, the movement looks like walking to me, so instead of a woman sprinting, it comes across as a woman leisurely strolling, but somehow managing to take GIANT steps that propel her forward in an unnatural way.

Also, when the king takes the Crown off he throws it just like a Frisbee. Zoom goes the priceless artifact gifted by the Gods!

Okay, I’ll end on that silly note. All in all, a far stronger showing than I think we’ve gotten from many of the other fairy tales and I’ve heard through the internet grapevine that “The Girl in the Tower” has good things to offer as well. As I mentioned before, the holidays have messed up my writing schedule a fair bit, but I’ll be diving into that episode just as soon as I can.

Until next time! 💜

#rwby #rwby: fairy tales #mymetas

[maxenceandrebisset]

YUTA as a boyfriend || NCT

So you are here for our cherished Osaka prince? Then you are lucky because this one is longer than the other ones I have made so far.

Let's just state right at the beginning of this, that you and Yuta are for sure absolute soulmates if you started dating each other. Many people have prejudices towards him if they don't put the effort and time into getting to know him better - they think that he is rude, veracious, or that he doesn't care a bit about others, but that's not the truth, and you know that.

With this being said, it is obvious that you two would be friends at first - because he is quite social, and not scared to go literally anywhere, it is hard to tell where the two of you would meet. It could be a café, thrift shop, restaurant, convenience store, a gym, or just in the busy city center. Either way, you would have to stand out in some sort of way for him to notice you and start to pay attention to you more than he regularly does to people - unique hairstyle, clothing, you having a cute-ass dog who would go up for him for petting, you being confident in comparison with other girls around you either in the way you would speak or just present yourself to people, or you being Japanese, to begin with because I strongly believe that Yuta would like to stick up to Japanese girls even though he looks like a dude who would love to experiment more than other members.

I would see him experiment with a few girls - something like a one-night stand sort of thing - but this would hardly ever turn into something more like a relationship or a regular sort of thing. We all know that this boy is quite an experience one when it comes to the love life (you all know what I mean and why I am saying this), but because he would really want to take his time before starting a serious relationship, I think that he gained these experiences and knowledge from this so-called "experimenting".

So, you two would be friends for quite a while - going out quite regularly, visiting each other, and watching movies or anime together to early morning hours, constantly calling and texting each other whenever you would have a free minute to do so (even if you didn't), sending memes, funny videos, and stuff like that to each other every single minute, and waiting with pure excitement for the response fo the other one. And then after a few months of you being extremely close, filled with relying on each other through the hard times or whenever you wanted to enjoy a bit of quality time with someone, you two just casually made out while watching a new episode of your favorite TV show on the couch in your apartment, giggling like two idiots, any exclaiming that it took both of you long enough.

He would be both extremely soft, but also quite "rough/cocky" with you. It would really depend on the situation and on the mood you would be having. 

After a tiring day in work behind, whenever one of you would have a downcast mood - being sad or disappointed about something that happened to you or to someone around you, which would deeply affect you in some way -, or simply when you would have a soft mood for no reason, you two would just lay in bed or couch for minutes or even hours, cuddling, talking in soft-spoken words, complimenting each other or just discussing a completely random topic that would pop up in your heads at that moment. He would shower you with loving pecks all over your body, borrow you his clothes, that would be extremely cozy for you as it would be a few sizes bigger than your regular clothes, or he would buy some big bar of chocolate, wanting you to eat as much of it as possible while repeating several times that he doesn't care if you gain weight because if it softens your spirits and cheers you up, then it is worth.

He would want you to do the same thing for him as well, even if he didn't ask for it directly and tried to hide his own sufferings from you, because we all know how many times he has been angry, down, or frustrated because of the treatment he is getting in the group and because of the way some people think of him. Here the long period of your friendship, in which you got to know each other in every single detail, would be helpful because you would see in a second if Yuta is going through one of these moods, even if he tried to cover it. For a few seconds, he would try to change your mind and repeat that he is completely fine, but after the initial rejection, he would just break down in front of you and let you comfort him and raise his spirits with some good meal, you would cook for him, with you taking him out to some shopping mall for a shopping spree, with you taking him on a walk for some fresh air, or with you gifting him with some attention in the privacy of your home.

With this being said, we move on to the part of him being "cocky" with you. Many times, you gifting him some attention when he would be upset, would turn into something more heated than you planned. And I believe that we all know how much of a favorite and enjoyable activity this would be with someone as experienced as Yuta (he would always want to try new things in this, spice it up every single time, make it heavenly for both of you), but because this is rather a soft version of him being a boyfriend, I won't be going to nasty details about you sleeping together. 

Him being cocky would mean a lot of PDA as he is quite shameless when he is in his confident mood - holding hands, kissing in public, hugging, being clingy, slapping each other's ass in a teasing manner, or going as far as a little more wild touching when the two of you would get drunk late in some pub. Yuta would casually whisper nasty things into your ears, flirt with you without caring a bit if others are listening to you, and compliment every single thing on your body or the activity you would do, which would make you aggressively blush mostly because of the number of compliments you would be receiving from him.

Dates would be really colorful - it would be a wide range of dates, from the stereotypical romantic ones like restaurants, cinemas, picnics..., the artistic ones - you going to get a tattoo together, designing your clothes, shoes, visiting a gallery of modern art... to the "physical ones" like going on walks, riding bikes, going on a hike, to the gym together, or him teaching you football if you didn't already know how to play it. But every time, he would want to make sure that is a hell of a special one for both of you as they wouldn't be as regular as at normal couples because of his idol life and hectic schedules.

But unfortunately, I think that fights might be a normal thing in your relationship. Both of you would be really strong-minded, sometimes too stubborn and honest for your own good, so these traits would just add the oil to the fire during your arguments as you can all easily imagine. You would definitely scare the hell out of people if you started to argue in front of them, but the thing is, that you would be absolutely okay after a few hours, maybe even minutes because you would get the things like this off your chest quicker than if you tried to talk them out, so even though it would be quite terrifying, it would be a way in which you would solve your problems.

When it comes to the family, we all know that Yuta is definitely going to be a big family guy, despite the fact that he might not look like one to some people. He would want to introduce you to his family even before the two of you would officially start dating, and here comes his preference of Japanese girls in place because his family seems to be a Japanese traditional one - they would maybe accept his girlfriend being Korean, but I am not that confident about them being okay with him bringing home a western girl. Of course, he is someone who doesn't give a damn about what people usually think of him, at this point, but at the same time he treasures his family so much and I think that he himself really wants to marry a Japanese girl one day and live the "traditional" Japanese family life as he misses his homeland in Korea so much.

I can imagine him wanting to have a boy - of course, he wouldn't mind a girl as well, but I think that he really wants to have a son in his life. You know, teaching him a football, being this super active, motivating dad, who would hype him up, and would be considered extremely cool and funny by the boy's friends. The one who would be open to his son about everything - every question, every problem, or whatever discussion his son would want to have with him -, creating a special close bond thanks to this.

Well, and the two of you would of course never stop being the cool, edgy, but deeply loving and caring couple.

#yuta #nakamoto yuta #nct yuta nakamoto #yuta nakamoto x reader #nakamoto #NCT #nct mtl #nct scenario #nct scenarios #nct127 #nct as boyfriends #nct ideal type #nct yuta #yuta ideal type

[fairyrosepetals]

Due to quarantine, I’ve been feeling pretty touch starved due to to the lack of hugs my friends and I would usually give each other.

Covid is a curse for naturally affectionate people like me :/

So enjoy some headcanons I wrote for some of our boys who had finally achieved the role of boyfriend!

Sweet home as types of boyfriends (M)

Hyun Cha

Hyun as a boyfriend gives me very chill/tired boyfriend vibes.

As in, he’s the kind of boyfriend who loves you softly. Someone who appreciates you in their own discreet way. Whether it be soft forehead kisses, or just very tight hugs.

Very relaxed dates. These dates would include laying on the couch cuddling, with rain pouring in the background.

Another date Idea would be just watching your favorite movies together in bed, eating your favorite snacks and candies.

His nicknames would include

Babe, babygirl/boy, love of my life, My light, Angel

His kisses are very hesitant and gentle, almost as if you’ll break or you’ll run away from him. Once you kiss him, and he knows you’re not going anywhere, his kisses become desperate, like you’ll disappear. Soon though, his kisses show how much he truly feels with you around :)

PDA doesn’t include a whole lot, mainly because he feels self conscious when he’s around someone as amazing as you. He feels like you deserve someone a lot better. Most likely just hand holding in public. However, in closed doors you bet you can get as many hugs and kisses as you want, whenever you want, 25/8

Now, at 18, you OBVIOUSLY don’t have a lot of money unless you’re rich. When it comes to gifts, I think he’d pay attention to your favorite foods, or maybe your current obsession, and base his gifts off that.

He LOVES to rant to you about Maria In The Sky!! Or just his hyperfixations in general when it isn’t Maria. Which isn’t likely. He gets this certain spark in his eyes when he talks about the things he’s interested in, which brings a certain life to him.

Now, depression DOES take a toll on people. This can leave a strain on relationships especially. If you’re willing to put in the extra effort, he would greatly appreciate it. He makes sure to show you his appreciation by making sure he ate a little extra more that day, made sure to change out into a new set of clothes, and overall just ways to show that he’s taking care of himself.

Overall, he loves you dearly, and greatly appreciates the love and support you give him. Trust me, he’s not letting you go any time soon.

Hyuk Lee

Hyuk as a boyfriend gives me very CHAOTIC vibes!!

He’s the kind of boyfriend to show his love by joking A LOT with you, with lots of teasing, playful name calling, and overall just rough housing.

There was definitely a moment where yall took roughhousing too far and you got bopped in the nose. Hyuk couldn’t bare to look you in the face after the many times you said you were fine.

Hyuk’s nicknames would include

Lemon cardboard Homie, Baby, Babe, Big head, DEFINITELY Megatron just to fuck with you

Hyuk’s kisses would be goofy and just kind of smiley, and maybe even a little sloppy. As in, he would be gently holding your face in his hands, but would be smiling or laughing as he tries to kiss you because he is just so unbelievably happy. This causes the kisses to definitely not be perfect, but they’re just filled with so much happiness that you can’t help but smile or laugh with him.

Just like Hyun, there isn’t a lot of PDA. Not because he’s self-conscious, mainly because he feels like you know how much he actually loves you without having to be too touchy in front of everyone. If you just so happen to want a kiss or maybe just hold hands, he’s all up for it. Just make sure to ask otherwise he will have no clue what you want.

Dates would include going to the arcade!! DEFINITELY would drag you over to that dancing game just to have an excuse to be closer to you!

Another date idea would just be 1 am trips to 7/11 and grabbing a slushee and your favorite snack, and maybe going to a remote area and laying on the hood of your car and go stargazing.

When it comes to dating Hyuk, you also gotta care for his sister. They are a PACKAGE DEAL. He understands that it’s a big responsibility to dump onto someone, but he’s responsible for her well-being. So if you don’t like her, that’s the ultimate deal breaker for Hyuk. If that’s not the case, he’ll be happy to see you two getting along.

Being a surrogate father for someone who was so young really puts a damper on your mentality. So just show your support for him, whether it be big or small. If you are quick to befriend Eun, his heart will warm at the sight of the two people he loves most enjoying each other’s company.

Ihyun Jo

Ihyun gives me very flirty/romantic boyfriend vibes. I say this due to his two personalities, which include his chaotic and more gentler side. I can see him being very flirty with an SO, that showers them in pick up lines that could make your face go red while also being sincerely romantic, enough to make you swoon from how sweet he’s being.

He’s the kind of boyfriend to hold your face in his hands, and gently cover your face in kisses or just stare lovingly into your eyes. This would also include whispering flirtatious comments in your ear, just to see you embarrassed from his words and make you blush.

With his flirty side, I can definitely see him as bit possessive, which can include possessive touches such as putting his hand on your waist or gently grabbing your chin to look at him when you look away.

Ihyun’s nicknames would include

Baby, hot stuff, princess/prince, Angel, wifey/hubby

Ihyun’s kisses can go two different ways depending on his current mood. The 1st way is sweet and sincere, where his kisses are soft and filled with such warmth and love. This creates such a loving feeling, where he carefully holds your face in his hands and treats you with gentleness. The 2nd way is his kisses feeling lustful, and a little rough. Though, this only means his kisses are firey and more passionate, holding you close by your waist as you wrap your arms around his neck.

DEFINITELY PDA. He is VERY touchy. Not in a way to make others around you uncomfortable, but more like he always has to be touching you in some way to ground himself. This includes hand holding, putting a hand on your waist or around your neck. When it’s just you two, it’s almost like he’s a second shadow, always carding a hand through your hair or just hugging you and resting his chin atop your head.

In more normal settings, I can definitely see him taking you out on the classic amusement park date. I’m talking rollercoasters, obviously rigged carnival games, cotton candy, and of course, the classic Ferris wheel ride.

Of course, I gotta throw in a classic beach date too. He is DEFINITELY the type of boyfriend to throw you into the sea, ONLY IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH IT AND CAN SWIM THO. If not, he is totally cool with just annoying you by splashing, or just overall being a general nuisance. Definitely has a soft spot for building sand castles with you :)

He may have the occasional sarcastic comment to share or just be annoying just to bug you, but he really does love you. He knows having MPD makes things harder in a relationship, but he appreciates you helping him when it comes to medication, episodes, and other ailments that occur. If there are types when he feels sad, he would love nothing more than to just lay on the couch, and rest his head in your lap as you run your hand through his hair.

Jayhun

Jayhun DEFINITELY strikes me as a SOFT BOYFRIEND. An ANGEL BOYFRIEND. A man you can DEPEND on. HUSBAND MATERIAL.

When I say soft, I mean he just absolutely SHOWERS you in love. You NEVER go a day without at least one hug or kiss, because he wants you to know how much he truly loves you. He’s the kind of boyfriend to do classic, gentlemanly things such as open doors for you, sit you down and scoot your chair in for you, and overall just be a sweetheart.

His dates would most likely be more domestic. I could definitely see him as doing the classic at home dinner date, being in the kitchen and cooking your favorite food, or if you like going out to eat more, definitely a restaurant on the nicer side. Being a teacher can leave him a bit busy sometimes, so he’s not opposed to just ordering take out, putting on a movie, and just enjoying your company as you lean against him. :)

Jayhun’s nicknames include

Sweetheart, honey, darling, love, angel

Jayhun’s kisses are the epitome of sweet and warm. Of course, he would only kiss you if he asked and made sure you were okay with it. If you said yes, he would make sure to hold you close, whether it be gently holding your face in his hands, or just placing his hands on your hips, he makes sure to put all his love into each kiss.

When it comes to PDA, he definitely strikes me as old fashioned. You know those elderly couples that have been married for 50+ years and STILL act like they’re in their honeymoon phase? That’s you and Jayhun. Kisses on the cheek, hand holding, brushing hair out of your face, and just staring at you with so much love that catching him can make you feel how strong his love is for you.

There are times when he’s forgotten to take lunch, so being the greatest SO ever, you make sure to bring it to him at school. His students LOVE YOU. They can’t believe their teacher bagged someone as great as you, and constantly bug Jayhun about you and when you’ll come visit again. They have a bet on how long it will take to get him to propose.

A bouquet of your favorite flowers, your favorite candies, and even just writing little sticky notes in places you see them before he goes to work, he just wants you to know he will always love and appreciate you no matter what.

I want to say that because of his religion, he kinda hopes you share the same beliefs as him. However, he is not opposed if you don’t, he still loves you all the same. In fact, if you follow a totally different religion, I feel like he would be interested in learning what your practices are, and how he could make you feel more welcomed during your relationship. 💕

Wook Pyeon

“My boyfriend can kick your ass” HELLA vibes from this man.

When I say this, I mean he’s very protective of you, and is even afraid to be in your presence half the time due to his height and build. He’s the kind of boyfriend to benchpress you for a work out, but also the kind of boyfriend to get flustered when you kiss his forehead.

There’s no fuckin way you could reach his height unless you’re THAT TALL, but if you do, he’s more likely to be less careful around you, and be more willing to hold you close to him and not be afraid of accidentally hurting you. If you’re a SHORTY?? Like me then this poor man is on pins and needles. Even if you’re tough, this man is afraid of hurting you and will never forgive himself if his elbow whacked you in the forehead.

Shorty protector

Dates with Wook Pyeon consist of constantly patching him up when he’s injured. Seriously, does this man never have a bruise on his body? If he’s not injured, he’s definitely stressed or very tense, and would not be opposed to taking a warm bath with you. Not even to have sex, but more just to make your hair into a giant spike with soap, or have bubble beards that leave you holding your stomachs from laughter. Just wholesome goofing off. :)

Wook’s nicknames would include

Honey, baby, babe, sweetheart, *shorter rendition of your name*, little shit (If you’re a menace to him constantly)

I feel like this man’s kisses can vary. Though the one thing they have in common, is that he makes sure that you know that he loves you. They can range from quick “Gotta go to work” kisses, to kisses that make you melt from the amount of love you feel from them. Even if maybe that moment you two have fought and he suddenly has to go, and if you’ll let him of course, he’ll make sure to give you the sweetest kiss he can muster. Dealing with criminals can be dangerous, and he would never want to go to work and have something happen, knowing you both left angry at one another.

PDA for him is hesitant. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, but he gets very shy and flustered about it. If you hold his hand while he’s talking to someone, his brain will start to malfunction and his face will slowly turn a shade of pink. This includes kisses anywhere on his face, or just a small kiss to his knuckles while holding his hand. In other words, for a big guy like himself, he is quite timid when it comes to initiating PDA.

He may be a little rough around the edges, but he tries his best to be romantic. Though, he tends to do it in more smaller ways. Working in the police force has unreasonable hours, so lots of little sticky notes around the house with cute love notes, little heart doodles, and just overall tiny reminders are his love language, or just making you a quick breakfast and storing it for later before leaving to work.

When he gets laid off, please do your best not to be angry with him. If it turns out he was the only one to be bringing money on the table for your own reasons, he would be so disappointed in himself for not being able to support you. If it turns out he now has to rely on you and your job, he would feel as if he’s a leech while you work harder until he can find a new source of income, so please reassure him that everything will be alright.

He of course, will do his own fair share of chores around the house in order to relieve the work load off of you.

When it comes to smoking, that is definitely a problem. Even if you don’t mind it, secondhand smoking can greatly affect your health as well. If you are an asthmatic, he definitely will try to quit for you. Even if you aren’t, it eventually dawns on him that his smoking is slowly hurting you, and doesn’t want you to be breathing that gunk in. It will be a hard journey, but just support him and keep him in check for the transition, and he’ll do his best to keep you happy and out of harm’s way.