#(way more than the hobbit honestly)

[aeide-thea]

i've been trying 2 think how 2 phrase this post bc like. audioboooks are great both for people who can only take in books that way AND for people in situations where they need their eyes and/or hands for something else, and i absolutely don't want to knock them (not to mention that like. a really compelling audiobook reader brings their own charisma and tonal palette to the project and elevates it)

but also i've been listening to lotr in one (1) ear as i bike (bc like. i do think it's an important safety consideration to have one ear available to alert me to passing traffic etc) and like. frodo and sam and pippin JUST made it to buckland. this is literally hours of bicycling time we're talking about at this point. if i'd been gulping down the text with my eyeballs i could have finished the book if not the whole trilogy by now!

#like genuinely no shade to audiobooks‚ they are providing me with Book in situations where No Book Ever Booked Before #but you really are stuck with the narrator's pace in a way that's like. by comparison with eyeball reading this is water torture #anyway you really do i think just have to embrace that it is in fact a slightly different art form. and like. that's great! i love that! #but like. idk. literally i saw a post recently that was like. about Writing 4 Audio Performance #and it made what i thought were very correct points abt like. the order in which it's good to lay things out for hearers #but it's like. literally this is simplifying writing. like the kind of writing that i do and love is honestly quite hard to keep in yr head #bc it really requires you to stack a lot of complexity and like. keep it unresolved for a hot sec and then sew it together at the end #and like. that's terrible in an out-loud context! #so like. idk. i think text is great and i think audiobooks are great #and i think the weird pressure to like. not acknowledge they're different in any meaningful ways is. bad actually. #anyway this has kind of snowballed into more of a Position Post than i'd meant to be making #i just think it's funny that the hobbits have made. so fucking little progress. snail baggins = snaggins. #bookblogging #journaling

[portrait-of-a-little-thing]

the absolute chokehold that lord of the rings has on me is insane

#im not even 100 pages into the fellowship of the ring yet and i love this so much #and ik im gonna love it so much more once yknow the plot starts #but ugh oh my god i love it so much #(way more than the hobbit honestly) #((i feel bad saying that but like idk the way it was written just didnt jive with my brain v well)) #i was actually on a rant about that to myself last night abt how the hobbit is the first time ive preferred the movies to the books #like i def feel it couldve been more plot accurate in some places but like the dwarves are at least actual characters and not just names #bc like very few of them get characterized in the book #anyway im gonna stop putting a whole second post in the tags now 💀 #january 2023 #jrr tolkien #the hobbit #lord of the rings #lotr #reading #booklr

[striving-artist]

Decided to ask here too.

J'étudie le français apres une interruption de quatorze ans. Mais, quand je practique, je ne veux pas écrire sur 'où est la bibliothèque ?' et 'combien coûte la baguette?' Je veux écrire et parler comme un personne. Alors... y-a-t'il seulment lecteurs de fic qui peuvent m'aider? Si vous pouvez éditer et me dire quand je suis horrible, j'écrirai pour vos idées.

English friends, if you have a friend who speaks French, who wants some fic in their native language, if I know know the media at all, I am willing to try it. I just need a native, or very very fluent speaker of French who is willing to help me sound less like those awful educational demonstrations, and more like a human person. Even if they speak zero English, I am willing to stumble and question and work with them entirely in French.

#LoTR #MCU #Hobbit #Good Omens #fandom #my life #my writing #I forgot how much I love french #and I know part of why I stopped in college #is because we were still talking in that awful stilted way #I want conversational french #and poetic french #not textbook french #I know more fandoms than that #but those are my more recent ones #but honestly #if you want me to write about your OC? #tell me about them #I'm probably down

[stevesbipanic]

@steddielovemonth Day 11: Love is secretly studying up on the nerd shit he’s into @sparklyslug

If you'd have told Eddie of a year ago that the Steve Harrington, King Steve, swim team and basketball captain, and known laundry basket thrower, was a nerd he'd have laughed in your face.

Honestly, he'd have believed you more of you'd told him Steve was bisexual and would soon be Eddie's boyfriend, both facts that threw Eddie for less of a loop than learning Steve knew the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

"I work at a video store Eddie, it would be hard not to know."

Eddie would believe him but his darling boyfriend knew a lot for facts he didn't expect from the beautiful brunette. Like how he knew what an owlbear was when he was rambling his campaign plans in bed one night.

"I knew the kids before you, some of it must've stuck."

Or how he knew what Metroid was when the machine came to the arcade that summer.

"The kids are always talking about new little things they want Max to try and win."

Or when Eddie was telling a story about stargazing and Steve mentioned Halley's comet from earlier in the year.

"It was on the news, Eds, not gonna miss a thing like that."

Steve had lots of explanations but now here Eddie was, unpacking boxes in Steve and Robin's new apartment and staring at work copies of The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings books. He lent over checking the side again, no that definitely says Steve's Room in big bold letters.

He placed the books on the shelf with a small smile on his face. Later, curled up in the new bed in the new room he asked, "I thought you didn't know what Mordor was, Stevie. Have you been hiding nerdy shit from me all along?"

Steve had a soft blush forming on his face, "I didn't know, at the time..."

Eddie was now more intrigued, "Wow, getting book recommendations in the middle of the end of the world, baby, priorities."

Steve laughed, the sweet smile still on his face, "No, um, I bought them cause of you but not because of that."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"They're your favourite books and I wanted to know what you were talking about anytime we hung out and mentioned it."

"Steve did you actually study just to try and impress me?"

"There's a monster manual on the shelf too."

Eddie giggled and pulled Steve closer, "Mmm talk nerd to me baby, so it wasn't just the kids you got it from."

"Oh they definitely helped, I think Dustin was going to scream when I asked him to explain the dice of your game."

Eddie looked at his boyfriend softly, no one had taken an interest in what he liked, unless they already liked it, Steve went out of his way to know Eddie, inside and out.

"I guess I should confess, I totally asked Wayne to explain to me the rules of any of the games you two watch on tv before you come over."

A brightness twinkled in Steve's eyes at the confession, "I love you."

"Love you too, baby, nerd or jock as long as you're mine."

#they both have their interests #and deserve to be known #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steddielovemonth #ficlet

[chocmarss]

One of my favourite hcs I like from the Tolkein fandom is when the dwarves would insist that Bilbo is, in fact, a prince. A lord, at the very least. That is taking into account that they’re comparing with Middle Earth’s standards of who rules what in a country, and Bilbo Baggins of Bag End of Underhill, grandson of ‘Old Took’ Thain —who is essentially a chief hobbits would seek counsel from— is (the dwarves can’t stress this enough) in some matter, a prince. Which also means Bilbo’s more or less a royalty of the hobbits.

Thorin, very interested in this but would rather have Smaug burn off what’s left of his beard than admit it: Oh?

Bilbo tries to wave it off by saying the hobbits don’t have the same kind of monarchy most species would have (i.e. men and dwarves), and that their ways are much simpler in that sense. Sure, they have a council, and the Thain would usually elect his heir to take over, but that’s just how leadership is, lads, honestly, there’s no fuss of royalty, or whatsover in the Shire.

Fíli: Bilbo, you own several lands. All of which had been passed down in your family name

Bilbo: Well, that’s because I’m a landlord, and those lands once belonged to my father, so I can’t possibly abandon them—

Kíli: You’re also a grandson to the Thain, who is, might I remind you, a leader of your people, and is someone respected the hobbits would look up to when making decisions for the best of internal or external matters

Bilbo: Well, yes, I know that—

Fíli: We heard you’re also richer and have the best and fanciest smial out of everyone else here. You’re also someone people have considered in high regard, from the look of things

Bilbo: Ye—

Both of them: So, you’re royalty!

Anytime one of the company dares to address him as ‘Your Highness’ or anything just as redundant, Bilbo threatens to U-turn back and abandon them to Smaug. Absolutely none of that nonsense, thank you very much, and good evening.

Dwalin, muttering to Balin: He has the royal audacity down to pat

Bilbo squawks and Thorin, who Dwalin had been looking at while he put out that insult, only glowers at him from under his broody slouch.

#very mild #bagginshield #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #dwalin #fili #kili #the hobbit #lotr #lord of the rings #marswrites #marsrb

[kindlythevoid]

It’s really beautiful how Tolkien takes the time to honor the dead. After Gandalf’s death, they take the time in Lothlorien to deal with their grief and sing their laments, but as there is no body, that’s all they can do.

But when Boromir dies, even when Aragorn has to make the decision to either pursue Frodo or Merry and Pippin, and both are rapidly growing farther from the three left, they take the time to honor their friend. They don’t leave immediately, even though efficiency would dictate otherwise. No, instead they take the time to decide how to “bury” him (quotations only because it’s not burying in the strictest sense of the word, but rather reverently dealing with Boromir’s body). And then they gather trophies of his last stand and arrange them in the boat with him, taking time to “[comb] his long dark hair and [array] it upon his shoulders.”

How many times have other adventurers dedicated valuable time to honor the bodies of fallen companions, specifically to this extent? More often than not, they have to leave them behind, or only take the time to fold their arms or close their eyes.

Occasionally, they’ll build a pyre or bury them or whatnot, but it’s always after the battle that they set aside a significant chunk of time, or they live up to the term of fantasy (which isn’t a bad thing!) and there is no time wasted in building a cairn or burial or what-have-you.

My point is that time is spent, time that could be used for more “productive” things, such as, I don’t know, pursuing Merry and Pippin whose lives are at stake. And it isn’t framed as a bad thing, because it isn’t! Each life is precious, even when only the body is left. And they take the, well, the time to acknowledge this, in a reasonable and conservative way. (And when I say conservative, I mean that they pick the burial most fitting for their running clock, balancing both their need for a grieving period as well as the haste that the hobbits will require.)

I can’t speak to the rest of the deaths in the books as I haven’t caught up and refreshed my memory, but I will touch on another death, this time in the movie, that shares the same theme.

Theodred.

While he certainly hasn’t been totally forgotten by the fandom, I believe it is fair to say that he gets less discussion. Which is fair, considering he gets almost no active dialogue that I can remember and he is unconscious for most, if not all, of his screen time (and book time) before dying shortly after.

And one could say it’s because he’s a prince, one could say it’s because he was the heir, etc., etc. But it honestly makes no sense to dedicate all that time to preparing and putting on a large funeral when Saruman is right at Rohan’s door and there are so many bigger and more impactful decisions to be making now that Theoden has his mind back.

But, again, it isn’t criticized in the movie. It isn’t treated as the wrong decision. The people, included Theoden, needed time to mourn and Theodred deserved to be honored, even in death, even as the great forces of orcs and Uruk-hai were marching across Rohan.

Time is valuable, time is precious, and it should be wasted, especially when you’re trying your hardest to make sure you and yours survive. But time is meaningless if you don’t use it to live and subsequently honor those who have lived.

#does that make sense? #I know it got a little preachy at the end #Trying to summarize instead of just dumping #Unclear if that actually worked tho :/ #kiki re-re-re-reads the lord of the rings #the lord of the rings #boromir #theodred #gandalf #aragorn #theoden #merry and pippin #meriadoc brandybuck #peregrin took #tolkien quotes #just yelling into the void

[gffa]

Over the last week, I decided to go ahead with bookmarking all the fics I've recommended over the years on AO3 since I abide by tumblr poll results always (and man pour one out for all the fic that never made it to AO3 or has since been deleted, sooooo many gems lost to time!) and it was a bit more than the ~3,000 I was expecting:

Hopefully, this will be easier than browsing the hundreds of recs posts I've made, since you can filter for any of the author's tags now! These are mostly focused on Star Wars and DC fandom, but I did my time in the anime mines and occasional tours through some TV fandoms or movies. You can dig into everything unfiltered and start your own filtering, or the bigger fandoms you'll find:

MAJOR FANDOMS: Each of these should have 100+ at minimum and, in the case of Star Wars, literally almost half of them are in that fandom. Look, Star Wars fandom might be a trash fire in a lot of ways, but it is ON FIRE with some good fic. (Older bookmarks not guaranteed to match my current sentiments, especially re: the Jedi, but they did catch my fancy at that point in time!)

STAR WARS: - All Star Wars -OR- All Star Wars minus the Obi-Wan/Anakin ship - OR- Nothing BUT Obi-Wan/Anakin

BATMAN/DC: - DC can sometimes be tricky, but you can do a Batman* search and get most of them (though, sometimes Nightwing* or Young Justice* or Superman* will catch some of the others). Honestly, though, you might want to just do a search for what character or dynamic you like and have fun from there, because otherwise you're getting a face full of my Dick Grayson Is The Center Of The Universe And I'm Making That Everyone Else's Problem agenda. ;)

MARVEL/MCU: - Marvel* will probably get most of the various properties, though you may want to filter for Defenders* or Guardians of the Galaxy* if you're interested -OR- Marvel* without the Thor/Loki - These focus a lot on the Thor* fandom if you want to witness the results of like 8 years of constant voracious reading in that fandom (Minus the ship), because, seriously, I read a LOT of Odinson family fic. - Bonus, just do a search for Maximoff* to find some really good X-Men: First Class-verse because, listen, I have been ALL ABOUT the Maximoff twins since long before the movies or MCU brought them over and I will DIE ON THE HILL of "Marvel, make Magneto their bio-dad again or I'm never reading another comic of yours ever".

TOLKIEN/LORD OF THE RINGS/SILMARILLION/HOBBIT: - Tolkien* -OR- Hobbit* -OR- Lord of the Rings* searches will turn up most of my Elf-hunting, I primarily focus on the Sindar Elves, but look I can't resist my problematic Feanorian faves or that I will die on the hill that Fingolfin is the best ever. (You have NO IDEA how sad I am that so much fic on Stories of Arda or FFNET is not easily bookmarked on AO3, sob. I externally bookmarked a few of the bigger ones, but sooo many shorter faves are missing from my recs tag.)

CLAMP: - X/Tokyo Babylon legitimately bums me out because it's not a huge fandom and yet so much of what was written was pre-AO3 and lost when CLAMPesque went down or was never brought over from Livejournal, yet this fandom (well, the Seishirou/Subaru pairing) still burns brightly in my heart.

MINOR FANDOMS: Ones that probably only have under 100 bookmarks (often around the 20-30 bookmarks range), but will at least give you a place to start! ANIME/MANGA: Bleach | Cardcaptor Sakura | Dragonball | Finder no Hyouteki/Viewfinder | Katekyou Hitman Reborn! | Kuroko no Basuke | One Piece | Sailor Moon | Madoka Magica | Naruto | Princess Tutu | Trigun | Weiss Kreuz | Yuri!!! on Ice

BOOKS: Chrestomanci | Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

DRAMAS: Nirvana in Fire | The Untamed -OR- Modao Zu Shi

TV SHOWS/MOVIES: Community | Game of Thrones -OR- ASOIAF | Good Omens | Hannibal | Highlander | The Old Guard | Our Flag Means Death | Stranger Things

VIDEO GAMES: Dragon Age: Inquisition | Final Fantasy 8 | Genshin Impact | Okami

BANDS: Arashi

All right, whew, that was actually a fun project, despite how much work it was to hunt down a lot of older faves to see if they were on AO3, hopefully you'll find this useful!

#lumi.txt #fic recs #star wars fic recs #batman fic recs

[faeriichaii]

Greetings 🤗 could I requested how the fellowship would realise their feelings for reader and how would their behaviour change towards them? Thank you! <3

The Fellowship and how they would realize their feelings

A/N: I am finally back!! I am so happy to be able to write again and I apologize that you had to wait so long for your request :( omg I never got like a headcanon (??) request and like I am so excited!! Especially cause it's kinda a big group and like I never wrote anything for the hobbits or like for Aragorn or Boromir hihi <33 (Tbh it was like so hard cause I really noticed I don't really know much about their characters or well I don't really know much about them?? idk idk... so some could be a little bit off so I apologize!!) But I still hope you like this!!!

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Warnings: fluff (maybe some ooc behaviour) ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Words: 1.3k in total ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Request: Yes (thank you <33) ࿐ྂ

Aragorn:

I think he would notice his growing feelings for you rather quickly. He would probably notice this after watching you argue with passion about some kind of topic with another person. The way you stand behind your opinion and fight for the things you love and adore. The passion that lines every single word that passes your lips. The way your eyebrow raises at your opponent and their silly sentences, that absolutely make no sense to you. Honestly, I doubt that much changes from his behaviour because he already is a caring person. Maybe his hand would sometimes hold onto your hand to make sure you know that he stands behind you and your decisions. Maybe he also tends to polish your weapons for you and maybe he also prepares a few arrows for you if you decide to use a bow. And maybe, just maybe he shows you a few tips and tricks with the sword in order to make sure that nothing could harm you. Because he knows, that you can handle yourself in any kind of fight. But practice still helps to ensure your safety, especially in the case that the both of you get separated.

Legolas:

Like Aragorn, he would catch onto his growing fondness for you rather quickly. He probably would notice his feelings after catching you being so incredibly sweet and kind towards one of the hobbits. The way you immediately tried to help Frodo through his doubts. How you tried to cheer him up by telling him that he will make it. That all of you will make it and finish the quest at hand. You always try your hardest to brighten everyone’s day with your positivity and your cheerfulness. Legolas couldn’t do anything else than fall for you head over heels. The warmth that you always spread around captured him and his heart. He would probably (definitely) ask to braid your hair (in case you are totally unaware of the custom behind it). But he would probably also try being constantly close to you. Not in a clingy way. Well, more like a moth that was drawn to a flame. (Maybe a tiny bit in a clingy way). And oh as soon as the quest is over he will try to find any kind of artistic measure to capture your heart with.

Gimli:

Listen, he definitely takes a while to realize his feelings. But he would totally notice some kind of admiration after you beat him in battle. The way you just jump from one enemy to another and rip them apart. Your strength and the way you just push through them with ease. (He still will huff after you declare that you definitely killed more enemies than he did). He would also try his best to deny his feelings and try to act indifferently or like ‘he doesn’t care’ (Even though he definitely cares). He would definitely clean your weapons and sharpen them for you. After returning home he will forge an axe or sword for you. Maybe even a courting bead if the time has come for him to stop battling his feelings and just face them.

Boromir:

I think he would take a little while to notice his feelings towards you. Probably due to the fact that he mostly is being occupied by the power of the ring or maybe due to the pressure of the quest that lays heavily on his shoulder. He knows it is an important journey. So his heart did stutter after you reassured him with your kind words. The way you spoke with him and the way you just would listen to his worries. It felt like you really cared for him and his wellbeing and he really just needed someone to talk to. Someone who was willing to listen to him (especially because I feel that some people tend to misunderstand him). And you just happen to really want to listen to his worries and try to push him through it. Try to show him that you would be by his side while he follows the path of the journey. After he realized his feelings for you he would definitely try his best to take care of you the way you did for him. He would support your decisions and if you happen to have a bad day he would stand by your side and listen to your worries and just do the same things you did for him. Care for you and give you the support you need.

Sam:

Oh he would totally catch onto his feelings quickly. Probably after receiving your praise for how well he had prepared dinner that night. The way your eyes lit up at the first taste of the soup and how you hummed in approval at the flavour. He definitely would blush and smile dumbly while stirring the pot (definitely lost in the thought of your beautiful smile). He definitely would be more fidgety and bashful around you. He would probably also share some of his portions of food with you (In case you are hungry or you already finished your food for the trip). And maybe he would give you just a little bit more food if he was the one preparing the food (either for breakfast or dinner or the portions for travelling idk idk). (And maybe just maybe he would carefully prepare like a cute flower crown or smth for you.)

Frodo:

His feelings for you were definitely the last thing on his mind. He would definitely notice them however, after you carefully hold him close to you after another one of his nightmares he had. Gently stroking his hair while holding him towards your chest, mumbling to him that everything will be alright. He didn’t even notice the way he had clung onto you. But you didn’t mind that. All that you wanted to do was reassure him and try to give him the strength he needs to push through this. His heart filled with warmth at your kindness and at the support you lend him. Every time when he struggles, he just looks at you and he immediately feels better. He will definitely try to reassure your worries and try to be there for you the way you always seem to be there for him.

Merry:

I think he would be a little like Pippin when it comes to the realization of his feelings. Like, he would definitely not notice his feelings at first, but after you did protect him from a few Orcs, he couldn’t help but admire you. He wanted to get stronger (and maybe protect you too yk?) So he will definitely learn a few sword fighting skills from Boromir and Aragorn, but he will mostly try to practice with you. To understand the way you swing your sword and to understand the fighting tactics you use. (He also just wanted to spend more time with you) And maybe just maybe when the time has come, he will raise his sword against an Orc and protect you.

Pippin:

Oh he would definitely take his time realizing his feelings. But he does realize them, after he notices that you seem to be one of the only people who was not completely mad at him for his constant clumsiness. Yes, he made mistakes. But that is normal, isn’t it? Everyone makes mistakes and you try to explain that to him. The way you try to make him understand that even Gandalf or Aragorn took wrong turns in their lives made him feel a little bit better. You would explain to him that mistakes need to happen in order for him to grow as a person. Nobody is perfect, is what you told him with a beaming smile. But he couldn’t believe your words if you sat in front of him and just existed. He would definitely try and make you laugh as much as possible. Especially if the days or nights are rough and maybe everything is grey, he definitely still will try to brighten your day with either very silly harmless jokes or pranks.

#lotr x reader #legolas x reader #aragorn x reader #boromir x reader #gimli x reader #frodo x reader #sam x reader #pippin x reader #merry x reader #the fellowship x reader #listen i tried ok

[shirefantasies]

LoTR Characters' Favorite Body Part of Yours

This sounds dirtier than it is, I swear 😂

Aragorn

He shows much love to your hips as moons pass over your relationship. Securely holding them as he protects you, running a hand over the curve of them as you lie side by side. They are truly beautiful to him as well as being a place of natural connection; he adores when you pull him closer by the beat loops, colliding as you do into affection.

Legolas

Very specific, but he loves your cheekbones, the curves that outline your face whether they are sharp or soft. Perfect are they to trace along with kisses, the precious companions beneath your beautiful eyes. Legolas also loves to caress them with the back of his hand, silently admiring your beauty as he takes in every inch of your face. He needs not speak a word, his fond touch speaks volumes.

Boromir

Boromir loves your shoulders. He loves sneaking up behind you and placing kisses there or else just holding you by the shoulders to gain access to your neck or cheek. If you have long hair, the feeling of sweeping it off your shoulder is very romantic to him, especially if he can tuck it behind your ear to reveal your face, too. If you expose the skin of your upper back, it is certain you will soon find Boromir watching the ripple of your shoulder muscles as you move. When your activity is particularly strenuous you can expect him to offer a massage as well!

Gimli

Does your hair count as a body part? Because of course Gimli loves your hair! If it’s long, he’s going to be obsessed with braiding it, the feel of it flowing between his fingers and all the ways he can form it. He’s the best partner to someone with high-maintenance hair or a long care routine because he legitimately wants to learn the whole thing and take care of it for you, even if it means learning a lot. If you prefer to keep yours short, he may ask why and tease you a bit, but it also allows him more access to your beautiful face to grab for kisses and he can’t argue with that!

Frodo

Your eyes are his favorite by far. Windows to the soul as they say, your eyes betray the sincerity Frodo is always searching for and can consistently find there. He loves watching your lashes flutter as you read or look upon new sights with confusion, curiosity, whatever it be. The feeling of those lashes fluttering against his cheek as you nuzzle against him is enough to bring a smile to his face and a blush to his face. Eye contact is a must with Frodo as much as possible- it just feels so intimate and powerful to him in a way he hopes to be able to articulate with words.

Sam

Honestly? Your entire face! Sam’s pure love radiates at nearly every expression, whether he sees the light of joy illuminating your smile or the heartbreaking sight of pain he’ll do anything to cure. Being able to read your emotions is vital to empathetic Sam- his greatest desire is to know what you need from a single glance and be there with it as soon as he can! One of his favorite things to do it hold you gently, hands caressing your cheeks, and peer into your eyes before guiding you into a kiss.

Merry

There’s no good way to sugarcoat this- Merry’s an ass man hobbit. He can’t help stealing glances when he is granted the opportunity to admire the shape of it. Absolutely he is the type to give it a playful squeeze every now and again as he pulls you in for a kiss, too! No matter how you feel about it, no matter what shape you are in, he loves it and, if you are comfortable, that is, will pay you compliments about it when your attire is especially flattering.

Pippin

Trite as it may sound, Pippin loves your lips. He truly could kiss them all day if you let him, the incomprehensible joy he gets every time washing over his heart. Of course he also loves the sight of your lips curving into a smile when he gets a laugh out of you, the sly way they tease upward when you’ve formulated a particularly ridiculous pun. His habit is pulling you in to deepen almost any kiss you give him; you may have just leaned in for a peck, but you’ll get much more than you bargained for!

Faramir

Beloved are your hands to Faramir; his security, his gentle hold upon you and grounding connection. A squeeze to your hand is the perfect little reminder in his mind that he is here for you, present and at the ready to comfort you. The feeling of your intertwined fingers during the most intimate of moments is pure bliss to him, so much so that it never really comes as a surprise when you feel him reach for you.

Eomer

He loves your legs, the sight of them as you throw them over your saddle when the two of you take a sunlit ride, the peeps of skin he is granted when you tug up your garments to wade in the stream. The carefree way you lay them across his lap in your alone time, reading to him or singing together or just enjoying each other’s company by the fire. If you grant him leave to massage the stress from them, the feeling of muscle relaxing beneath his hands.

Haldir

There’s something infinitely alluring about your collarbones, the little nooks and hollows therein. Haldir can hardly keep his eyes off them, barely restrain himself from tracing them with his gaze whenever you dress in a way that exposes them. When your company is naught but the moonlight, it is a gift from above to ravish them with his lips, his gaze drifting back up to meet your eyes with a smile of deep satisfaction as he does so.

Eowyn

Eowyn loves your arms. The strength of them betrayed by the motions of muscles, the way they hold her, the unbreakable security of them. It's a bit of a habit of hers to run her hand up and down your arm as you stand side by side, sending little shivers of warmth along the skin. She also adores intertwining them as you walk, the both of you serving as each other's anchor to the earth's gifts of comfort. If you're able to lift her, give her a surprise by pulling her up when she holds your bicep!

Arwen

Your thighs, definitely. Some of Arwen’s favorite moments are spent laying with her head resting gently upon your lap, the plush of your thighs the perfect pillow. No matter the size she just loves them. When your kisses overflow with passion, it really sends her over the edge when you wrap your legs around her; her hands almost instantly go to your thighs.

#lord of the rings #lotr #lotr x reader #lotr imagines #the fellowship of the ring #aragorn #aragorn x reader #legolas #legolas x reader #boromir #boromir x reader #gimli #gimli x reader #frodo #frodo x reader #sam #sam x reader #merry #merry x reader #pippin #pippin x reader #faramir #faramir x reader #eomer #eomer x reader #haldir #haldir x reader #eowyn #eowyn x reader #arwen

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

LOTR and The Hobbit NSFW Headcanons pt 2.

(y’all bishes hoooorrrrnnnnyyyyy)

Part 1

Pippin:

- loves when you ride him

- wants to grab and hold every part of you that he can

- forcing him to be a good boy in public and keeping him nice and hot for as long as you can

- whispering really dirty things in his ear in public but following it with a sweet kiss on the cheek so people just think you’ve said something lovely

- ass kinda hobbit

- sitting in your lap and playing with his cock

- “such a good boy for me” you whisper while he cums on your hand

- loves when you grab at his hair during oral

Merry:

- likes to be man handled but in a playful way

- exhibitionist kink

- sweet and playful caresses while he fucks you from behind

- his favourite meal is between your legs 😏😏😏

- will tell you how good you’re making him feel

- buys you pretty night gowns and aprons so he can watch you bake in them

- loves when you put on a show baking, bending over and sitting in his lap while you feed him the cake mix

- holding his face nicely while you bounce on his cock

Lindir:

- degradation and praise all at once

- make him cry! Make him cry! Make him cry!

- overstimulation is his favourite thing

- tie him up and make him cum over and over again

- will beg you to stop but that’s because it makes him horny

- if it was too much he’d use his safe word

- “please mistress, I can’t take it anymore, it hurts too much please!”

- wants to be pegged so badly

- will suck your strap

- it’s so fun to grind up against him and make him cum in his pants

- you do it on purpose but then you tease him about it and he loves it

- “did you just cum in your pants? You’re such a dirty little pathetic thing aren’t you, Lindir?”

- he goes so pink

Frodo:

- has a thing for human partners

- likes feeling small and taken care of but elves are too big

- loves him a squishy partner

- would live laying on your boobs or on your thighs if he could

- pretends he can’t do things like open jars or reach things but home boy gets horny when you take care of him

- playing with his hair is foreplay

- lots of whimpers, light moans and quiet pleas

- if you tug his hair however he’s screaming and eyes are rolling back

- he lives in your lap

Arwen:

- oral queen 👑👑

- could honestly live between your legs

- whispers the dirtiest things to you and yet it sounds like poetry

- talks elvish in your ear while sitting behind you and taking her time playing with you

- the softest dom in the whole world

- like is literally only dominant because she wants to take care of you

- passing you dirty letters while you try to read peacefully

- loves watching you touch yourself

- she won’t say anything but her eyes won’t leave yours or your body

- breathy moans

- loves having her nipples sucked

Meludir:

- sweet innocent boy

- surprisingly kinky but only in a proper relationship

- praise kiiinnnkkk!

- tell him he’s a good boy and he’ll just melt

- “oh you’re doing so well for me, baby, such a good boy”

- kinda likes being hurt but will need a lot more aftercare than usual

- likes being tied up and edged

- is into watching you get fucked by someone else but only if he can join later

- wants Legolas to join you but turns into a blushing mess every time you talk about it

- sit on his face pllleeeaaaaassssseee! He doesn’t care if he can’t breathe

- craves kneeling before you during oral

- wants to feel like your sweet little servant

Glorfindel:

- size kink!!! He’s a huge dude and honestly loves how tiny you are (you could be tall and still be tiny to him!)

- loves being called ‘my lord’

- you don’t have to thank him when you cum but he sure does love it when you do

- degrades you and praises you in the same session

- he likes degrading you and being rough when you give him oral but if he’s fucking you (especially from behind) he wants to tell you how good you’re taking his cock

- gives you very sweet names during very dirty times

- “you’re just such a sweet little thing for me” he tells you while your face is covered in cum and spit

- bounces you on his lap while you ride him

- lots of loud grunts

- rag dolls you around into different positions

- is either fast and rough or takes his time and worships you

- thinks both giving and receiving hickies is really hot and will show them off with pride

#lotr #lord of the rings #lotr headcanon #lord of the rings headcanon #the hobbit #the hobbit headcanon #pippin #pippin x reader #merry #merry x reader #Lindir #Lindir x reader #Frodo #Frodo x reader #Arwen #Arwen x reader #Meludir #Meludir x reader #Glorfindel #Glorfindel x reader

[sweetbutpsychobutsweet]

I Wasn't Completely Nude

Chapter 2

Thorin Oakenshield x AFAB!Reader

Summary: You and the company are off to reclaim Erebor. But how long will you and Thorin be able to last until you're back at each other's throats?

Warnings: angst, implied sex work, no use of y/n

author's note: I already wrote the first 8-9 chapters of this series so there will be a lot of frequent updates while I'm editing those!

Word count: 1506

The sun has barely started to rise over the hills of the shire when you are awoken by a gentle shake to your shoulder.

 “Rise and shine, lass,” Dwalin’s voice pulls you further from sleep.

You groan and pull the blanket over your head. Your head is pounding from the ale and you’d love nothing better to slip into a death-like sleep for at least another week. 

Unfortunately, the leader of your company has other plans for you.

“If you aren’t ready in the next five minutes we’re leaving without you,” Thorin calls.

You peek your head out from under the blanket to see him packing his things back into his bag. “Everyone else is already up,” he glares at you.

You shove the blanket onto the floor and reach your arms up overhead in a good morning stretch. “Yeah well, not everyone else drank their entire body weight in alcohol last night.” 

“No one asked you to do that,” he reminds you with a grunt.

“Well if you’re going to spend the entire journey to Erebor talking down to me like that, I think I’m going to need a lot more alcohol in my system.”

“If you’re going to have a problem with being under my command, you are more than welcome to stay behind with Master Baggins.” He reminds you. 

You push yourself to your feet ready to tell him exactly what he can do with his command, when Balin appears between the two of you before you can continue. 

“Honestly you two, we haven’t even stepped foot on the road yet and you’re already at each other’s throats!” Balin redirects Thorin’s attention to going over the map again in the dining room before you can continue bickering.

You let out a huff of annoyance as you stomp off to the spare room to change clothes. 

You are determined to not let Thorin’s presence distract you from the excitement of being able to wear pants again. Of course, your mother never let you wear anything other than dresses growing up, and although your dwarven blood has always drawn you to all things sparkly and beautiful, you have always been a warrior at heart.

Fighting in a dress, while not impossible, is both impractical and extremely frustrating. When you aren’t working or traveling you try and wear them as often as you can. Traveling as a woman wearing anything other than a dress and corset attracts too much unwanted attention to make the freedom of movement worth it. 

But you figured traveling with a company of 13 dwarves and a wizard was already going to make you stick out, so you might as well be dressed for the fights that will inevitably be waiting for you.

You sigh in relief as you finish unlacing the corset, slipping it and your dress into your pack for now. You replace it with a form-fitting pair of trousers, a flowy blouse, and some comfortable riding boots. You decide to let your hair hang down around your shoulders for now, the braided strands by your face keeping it out of the way enough for now. 

There are still a few hunks of bread and fruit left in the pantry for you to munch on while gathering up the last of your things from the hobbit’s home. You regret that you aren’t able to thank your host before stepping out the front door but after last night's excitement and the early hour, he must be dead asleep.

Your pony, Onyx, is waiting for you outside, whimpering happily when she sees you approaching. You whisper sweetly to her as you stroke her mane, letting her nibble on some of the fruit you set aside for her.

She is a beautiful creature, with a strong frame and hair as dark as the night. If it weren’t for her small stature and sweet disposition you’d think she had galloped right out of hell’s gate. You pat her side affectionately as you start securing your things to her saddle. 

You feel a pair of eyes on you and you turn slightly to look over your shoulder at Thorin, who is openly staring at the curve of your rear in the pants.

He abruptly turns away when he sees that you’ve caught him staring. And it suddenly occurs to you how long it’s been since he’s seen you in pants, since the battle at Moria, where his grandfather, your King, Thror, was lost. But even then you had been wearing heavy layers of Dwarvan armor. Unlike now, where only a few layers of fabric cling to your form, revealing the silhouette of your curves.

You slowly bend over at the waist, pretending to fix the laces on your boot with a wicked smile on your face. You could swear you hear his jaw clenching behind you. It would seem you’ve found a way to pass the time on the road. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite the nip in the air, you decide to forego wearing a cloak. Preferring instead to feel the air whispering against your skin and running through your hair. Even as the rain starts pouring down above you, you ride on. Despite the fact, that your white blouse is now completely soaked through, revealing your chemise underneath.

The other dwarves are very polite about it, if they notice they don’t stare or draw any attention to the amount of skin you now have on display. The same can’t be said of your leader.

You feel a heavy cloak gently come to rest on your shoulders and you turn to see Thorin has moved ahead to ride beside you.

“I’m fine, thank you,” you say, pulling the warm furs off of you and handing them back to him.

“That wasn’t a request,” he replies curtly. Tossing the cloak back to you, more assertively this time. “I won’t have you catching cold and slowing down the entire company.”

You roll your eyes in annoyance and toss it back to him. “I appreciate your concern,” you reply, voice dripping with sarcasm, “but I’ll be fine, I don’t mind the rain.”

He grunts and picks up the cloak again. “If you try and hand that to me one more time I’m going to let it fall in the mud,” you warn him. 

He believes you, of course, but isn’t ready to let it go. He growls your name in a low warning. You keep your eyes directly on the road ahead, pretending to be completely oblivious to his frustration.

“I can see your underclothes,” he whispers as if you didn’t already know. You shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. Giving Onyx a gentle kick to pick up the pace, but Thorin stays right alongside you.

“I can see your breasts,” he elaborates. Again you shrug, and that only seems to irritate him more. 

“Just be glad I’m not making you pay for it, how do you think I made a living all these years?” you tell him with a wink. He looks at you in confusion for a moment, before it all clicks. 

“Did you? Are you a?” you laugh at the panic in his eyes.

“Oh relax, it’s not what you think. I was just a dancer. I kept my clothes on. Most of them anyways…” The legendary Thorin Oakenshield is left speechless as he stares at you with eyes wide, before narrowing them at you in annoyance.

“I went to great lengths to ensure you wouldn’t ever have to do anything like that. And you’re telling me you just threw it all away to dance naked in front of countless men for money?” you scoff at his accusation. It’s true that he secured you a respectable job in a quiet town and a long term room at an inn, but only so he could leave you behind to continue on with the rest of your kin. With a few halfhearted excuses and harsh words he turned his back on you when you needed him the most. He had been your closet friend, the one person you trusted most in all of middle earth and he let his pride get the better of him. All you had left after you watched him ride off towards the blue mountains that day, was a heavy grief and a burning anger that has never fully extinguished. 

“Were you even listening? I said I wasn’t completely nude. And don’t pretend like you made some big sacrifice for my benefit. You went to those great lengths just so you wouldn’t have to put up with me anymore.” you snap.

You wait for him to counter with a jab of his own but it never comes. 

When you look over at him he’s looking back at you with a sad look on his face.

“Is that what you think?” he asks in a low whisper, “ that I was trying to get rid of you?”

You force yourself to look away from him. And this time when you urge Onyx further ahead of him, he lets you go.

Next Chapter

#thorin x y/n #thorin oakenshield #thorin oakenshield x reader smut #thorin oakenshield smut #the hobbit #thorin oakenshieldx fem!reader #thorin oakenshield x afab!reader #thorin #thorin fic #thorin x reader #the hobbit fanfic #thorin x fem!reader #thorin oakenshield angst #thorin oakenshield x y/n #thorin smut #thorin angst #thorin oakenshield x reader angst #thorin x reader angst

[blurredcolour]

The Only Truth... | Part Four

The Only Truth I Know Is You Masterlist

John "Bucky" Egan x POW Flight Nurse!Female Reader

The day Stalag VIIA is liberated ought to be one of pure celebration. Unfortunately, fate has other plans in store.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Death, Blood, Brief Battle, Serious Reader Injury [gunshot wound], POW Camp Setting, SS Officers, Mental Health Struggles, References to Christianity, Reader Scars, Hospital Setting, Kissing, Inevitable Historical and Military Inaccuracies, Rating - 18+ ONLY.

Author’s Note: Thank you all ever so much for your patience! At last we come to the end of our tale. This is a work of fiction based off the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I hold nothing but respect for the real life individuals referenced within.

Word Count: 6267

-------------------------

The morning of Sunday, April 29, 1945, dawned cloudy but bright. The chill of early spring still hung in the air, your breath hanging from your lips as you ducked out into the tent to collect the clean yet still-unfolded laundry that had been awaiting your attention throughout the drama of the rainstorm. You had just managed to tuck it away into your room when Fitzgibbons arrived with a new book for you to read, a more recently published fantasy novel called The Hobbit, though you had other priorities before diving into it.

You had almost gotten away with your clandestine chores, rags folded, and three-quarters of the bandages rolled, when your former surgical technician appeared at your door, knocking on the frame with an admonishing look on his face.

“I see you’re taking it easy on your day off, Ma’am.”

Huffing in irritation at being caught, you shook your head. “I’m off my feet, Fitz, can’t we just call a truce?”

He made a non-committal noise before cracking a grin. “Actually came to ask a favor, so I’m thinking we can come to an agreement. Menzies,” his deliberate mispronunciation of the British Captain’s name made you roll your eyes affectionately, “ordered me to flush a wound using your make-shift tools and honestly, I cannot make heads or tails of what you’ve jerry-rigged.”

Biting back a laugh, you nodded quickly, well aware that your cobbled-together system was more than a little unorthodox and not at all surprised Menzies had not taken the time to ensure Fitzgibbons knew how it worked. “Certainly, let me walk you through it.”

Grabbing the laundry you had thus far folded, you made your way down the hall to collect the items from the supply desk and followed him to the bedside of a new patient. Introducing yourself warmly, you learned the man’s name was Michaels and he hailed from the frigid wilds of Canada.

“Fitz and I are going to use this here to flush that wound, alright?” You nodded to the nasty laceration on his calf, your makeshift instruments cradled in your arms.

“Sounds fine, Ma’am.” He nodded patiently, vowels clipped remarkably short in that efficient Canuck way of speaking.

“Alright so if you take this, Fitz.” You held out a funnel with a piece of tubing secured to it, watching the tech take it carefully.

The mundane calm of the morning was shattered by the sudden hum of an airplane engine, your eyes shooting to meet Fitzgibbons’ sharply moments before the eruption of gunfire.

“Everyone get down!” He shouted and you both lurched into motion to begin helping your patients from their cots onto the wooden planks of the tent platform, abandoning your instruments on Michaels’ cot.

Panic rising as you once again found yourself in a wildly unsafe place while under fire, you urged the men from their beds to get low, presenting smaller targets for the errant bullets that were punching holes through the canvas of the tent every so often. The cacophony outside only increased with the rumble of approaching vehicles – tanks quite possible given the depth of sound that carried across the camp – and you nearly tripped over your own feet in an effort to reach the last two patients who simply could not move on their own.

Heaving one, Sidhu from India, out of his cot and depositing him onto the floor, you were just sliding your arms beneath the shoulders of the last, Hernandez from Texas, when searing heat and pain punched into your side. Your arms and legs gave out beneath you instantly, your body collapsing atop the poor boy still on his cot, both of you gasping for breath. With a grunt of annoyance, you flung a hand back to your hip, eyes widening as your fingertips were quickly covered in a warm, slick fluid.

“M…Ma’am?!” Hernandez warbled from beneath you, watching as you lifted your fingers to inspect just what was going on, his face blanching at the unmistakable scarlet of blood. “Doc?! Medic!! Help!!!” He began to shriek all the words he knew to summon assistance, making you wince at the racket as you forced yourself to roll off him, crashing to the floor in a pile of uncooperative limbs.

Taking a moment to try and catch your breath, pulse rocketing at an alarming rate, you began to realize that no matter how long you lay there, things were not improving. In fact the situation was growing a lot more serious as a deep ache was settling into your right side and you could feel your clothes growing damper with blood by the second. Rolling onto your stomach, you had just begun to feebly pull yourself across the floor of the tent when the racket outside subsided momentarily, Hernandez’s cries summoning several sets of boots to run in your direction.

A great, external cheer erupted in the same moment you were lifted by many hands onto one of the recently vacated cots, Chalmers, Menzies and Fitzgibbons all hovering above you as they yanked at your shirt and pants to get at your wound. The striking similarity between your plight and that of Simms set your teeth on edge, tears brimming in your eyes at the sudden thought that this could really be it. You might very well die here in these filthy, mud-covered clothes while the rest of the camp cheered on outside.

“Keep breathing for me, Nurse. You’ve got an entry and an exit wound, you just stay with us now.” Chalmers barked firmly and you managed a brief nod despite the shakes that seemed to want to rattle your bones. “Fitz go find out if they’ve got a Medic with them – we need sulfa and plasma, and she needs an aid station and surgery.”

“Sir!” He replied before you heard his frantic footfalls leave the tent.

Menzies applied a ruthless amount of pressure to the front and back of your hip and it was all you could do not to wail pathetically at the lances of pain that shot through you. “I know, Nurse, I know. For your own good, now. Why’d you have to go and get yourself shot in the middle of our liberation, hm?”

“Libe.r.ation?” It was difficult to form the word, your mouth clumsy and filled with cotton, head buzzing with adrenaline and pain.

Your heart was beginning to lose its rhythm, stuttering and skipping beats every so often. Your medical training offered a whispered explanation of ‘blood loss’ which did nothing for the suffocating feeling of panic in your chest.

“Looks like your American Army showed up to bring you home, so let’s make sure you can get there alright?” Chalmers added firmly and you nodded again, trying to take deep breaths.

You were so close. They were right there.

What had started as a frigid day seemed to be growing colder, your fingers tips positively icy by the time you heard Fitzgibbons return, giving someone a rundown. The familiarity of it made your heart ache for a simpler time when the two of you were the ones saving people, taking them from danger to safety. Now you were the one in peril, finding it remarkably difficult to keep your eyes open. The unfamiliar face of a young man in an Army helmet came into view before you felt the sting of sulfa on your wounds.

Your left sleeve was rolled up, your nonsensical protests going unheeded as the man began to search for a vein, inserting an IV for the bottle of cheery yellow plasma – the bright color anachronistic to the monochromatic color palette that pervaded the Stalag. Bandages were wrapped tightly around your middle once more and they were just about to lift you, cot and all, when another set of heavy footfalls sounded on the floorboards.

“Jesus christ…angelfish…” Bucky’s voice was unmistakable, though anguished, and you rolled your head to the side to look at him with a weak smile.

“Bucky.” You managed to form his nickname at a volume no more than a whisper, vision narrowing in on his pinched, tight features, the normally rosy hue completely drained from his cheeks.

Suddenly everything tilted and whirled as your cot was hoisted onto the shoulders of Chalmers, Menzies, Fitzgibbons, and the Medic.

“Take the plasma, Egan. Hold it up, keep pace.” Chalmers ordered sharply and the ceiling of the tent began to blur as they rushed out into the daylight, your vision going completely white before all was darkness.

------------

The morning had seemed like any other, crowded around a small campfire trying to keep warm, trading suppositions about the end of the war with Jefferson, when the unmistakable sound of an aircraft engine had broken through the din of the camp.

“Hey Macon, that’s a P-51!” Jefferson had shouted and instantly the entire population was on their feet, cheering on the pilot as he took out on of the guard towers.

Their elation was short lived, the abrupt sound of incoming artillery sending all the prisoners into the dirt as every single German soldier seemed to open fire as one, the camp instantly an active battlefield. Bucky’s eyes strayed to the hospital tent, its canvas walls helplessly pinned between the encroaching American tanks and the defending German guards. They needed to put a stop to this from the inside before any more lives were needlessly lost. Even as this thought crossed his mind, men were falling all around him.

“Fellas! Take out the tower!” Bucky shouted as he ran for the tent where the majority of the Americans were sheltering, seeking out the homemade stars and stripes they had carefully crafted and transported from camp to camp, kept hidden from goons, just for such an occasion.

It took a few tries before Jefferson successfully came up with the flag, passing it to him quickly. Dashing through the chaos of prisoners running hither and thither through the camp, some fleeing, some fighting guards, Bucky was boosted onto the roof of the administration building. The flagpole was less than sturdy as he climbed it but as he removed the Nazi war flag and tossed it to the cheering crowd below, the guns fell quiet. Securing the ragtag American flag, watching the breeze immediately catch and fly it high, an immense feeling of relief wash through him and after taking a moment to celebrate, he pressed his forehead to the hand-hewn timber of the pole to soak in his gratitude for making it this far. Though the ragged appearance of his country’s flag undoubtedly mirrored his own.

As he carefully climbed down the rickety pole, his eyes caught on a somewhat familiar figure running frantically through the crowd toward the gate, moving against the flow of those milling around the yard, celebrating. The man’s shouts carried intermittently on the wind across the crowd and Bucky managed to pick out “Medic,” his heartrate picking up at the word “Nurse.” His stomach dropped when the word “shot” reached his ears.

“Angelfish.” He whispered and quickly scrambled his way off the roof, wincing a little at his rough landing, before he began to shove his own way through the oblivious celebrants towards the hospital.

Skidding to a stop on the threshold of the tent, he was startled to find all the patients cowering beneath their cots while you lay on one of their abandoned beds, a bloody mess surrounded by men frantically trying to save you.

“Jesus christ…angelfish…” He choked out, throat clenching painfully as your head lolled to the side, slightly unfocused eyes meeting his.

“Bucky.” Your faint whisper of his name propelled him forward, a frown settling over his features at the state of your clothes, wanting nothing more than to cover up the expanse of your abdomen and the scar on your arm – you surely hated to have that so prominently on display.

Chalmers’ sudden directive for him to manage the plasma grabbed his attention and he quickly grasped the glass bottle, holding it high as they lifted the entire bed to begin carrying you out of there.

“Just hold on, angelfish.” He rasped, heart lurching painfully as your eyes rolled back in your head, your body going slack.

Running alongside you to the gate despite the way his lungs ached, the crowd mercifully parted before their odd little group. A jeep was waiting with a stretcher strapped to the back, and Bucky watched helplessly as your unsettlingly limp form was transferred from the cot, the bottle of plasma wrenched from his fingers by the Medic before he perched atop your legs. As the vehicle took off, the Lieutenant Colonel of the armored division strode over sternly.

“How the devil did a nurse end up as a POW?” He demanded as Lieutenant Colonel Clark came to stand on Bucky’s right.

Chalmer’s sighed deeply before sharing what he knew of your story, of your arrival back in January including the fact that the Red Cross was informed through the usual process, and how you were housed separately in the hospital. As Fitzgibbons, the very same surgical technician you had earned your burns pulling out of your plane, filled in the rest of your service history, Bucky could only reflect on how little he really knew you. How short his time with you had actually amounted to be. Hell, he would not have even known your squadron number if it was not for that conversation right then.

“What a SNAFU.” The man muttered and Bucky could certainly see the resemblance of the man’s commanding officer, Patton, in him. “Well, let’s get this formal surrender over with so we can get these boys home.”

Clark nodded in return and Bucky shuffled back to sit heavily amongst the men of the 100th, waving off Brady’s look of concern. Watching the salutes and handshakes, he was completely numb, his thoughts miles away with wherever they had taken you, only able to hope against hope that their aid station was of the highest calibre.

Bucky had not resorted to prayer often throughout the war. Sure he had worn a crucifix and crossed himself reflexively when flying into a hail of flak, but conversations with higher beings had never been something he had put much stock in. Faced, now, with this gnawing feeling of helplessness, your very survival in the balance, it seemed like the only tool left at his disposal.

Crammed into the tent that night, shoulder-to-shoulder with his neighbors, he felt rusty and self-conscious as he addressed the god of his childhood Sunday school and fairly begged for you to make it. He stopped short of bargaining his own life away, but barely, before sleep overtook his aching body, the exertions of the day overtaking him.

As he found himself jostling in the back of a transport truck on his way to Paris the next day, handpicked by Lieutenant Colonel Clark to be among the first sent back to England, he could not help but feel as though he was being driven further and further away from you. It was near night by the time they pulled into the base and Bucky took his first warm shower in over a year, changing into a fresh uniform and feeling almost human. They were served white bread that might as well have been cake, with steak and eggs that were too rich for him to endure more than a few bites before he crawled into a remarkably clean bed and slept deeply, exhaustion winning out over his continuous concern for your well being.

Climbing into the belly of a B-17 for the first time in over eighteen months felt awkward and painful, the crew from the 100th consisting of unfamiliar replacements, the space feeling more cramped than it ever had as he wedged himself into the cockpit behind the pilot. The deep-seated terror he had desperately been trying to supress, his fear that Buck had not made it to safety despite their planning and the beating he had taken to distract the guards, surged to the fore of his mind. It competed ruthlessly with his anxiety over whether you were still drawing breath, the fact that he may have to face the truth of losing both of you leaving him silent and withdrawn as the plane took flight.

There was no immediate answer awaiting him at Thorpe Abbotts either, no familiar faces lining the tarmac – not even Lemmons was around, which struck him as unsettlingly odd. Making his way to the CO’s hut, his eyes at last landed on a familiar face as Herrmann emerged from one the equipment sheds.

“Hey Winks! Where is everybody? Guy comes back after a year-and-a-half and no one’s around?” He plastered on a playful smirk as the boy’s face broke out into a grin of astonishment, shaking his hand vigorously as he rushed over.

“Buck took Rosie, Douglass, Croz, and Kenny up on one of those mercy missions they’ve been practicing for, they should be back any time now, sir. Gosh it’s great to see you back here.”

Bucky’s attention immediately snagged on the first name Herrmann mentioned, finding it immensely difficult to continue listening as he exhaled half of the tension that had strangled him all the way across the English Chanel. “Good to be back, Winks. Think you can give me a lift?” He raised an eyebrow, desperate for a moment of levity.

With a quick nod, Herrmann was promptly driving him towards the control tower. The most difficult part of getting up there was making it past all the congratulatory pats and handshakes, but Bucky was able to pull off his surprise, the sound of Cleven’s voice over the radio going a long way to mending some of the deep wounds he was still sporting.

More handshakes and pats-on-the-back awaited him at the hardstand and it finally felt like he was back amongst the familiar faces of these men. He did not miss the way Cleven’s eyes were quietly scrutinizing him, however. The gratingly familiar feeling that his friend was looking right through him was undeniable as he joked and smiled with the boys who had never been imprisoned. Who had not endured the things they had. As the crowd around them thinned out, Bucky turned to watch Cleven pull out one of his toothpicks, sliding it between his molars in a familiar yet long-lost motion.

“So what you been up to since I left?” His friend asked.

Bucky swallowed and shrugged a little walking over to the jeep, Cleven immediately sliding into the passenger’s seat out of habit.

“That terrible, huh?” Cleven muttered and Bucky sighed as the vehicle roared to life.

“Ended up in Moosburg.” He started out slow, with simple facts. “Got a little hurt on the way, so Brady and Hambone took me to the hospital. Turns out there was a Nurse there, POW since January.”

The look of shock on his friend’s face registered in the corner of his eye and Bucky did not have the heart to fully face him.

“The German’s held a woman prisoner?” Cleven shook his head with a sigh of dismay.

“She got shot during the liberation, stray bullet. Medics from the armored division took her and I have no idea if she made it.” Now that he had started telling the story it all just came pouring out of him.

“You care about her more than just on moral grounds.” Cleven stated matter-of-factly and Bucky sighed as he pulled up in front of what used to be their hut.

Who knew if it still was.

“Yes.” He begrudgingly admitted, though his admission was addressed to the steering wheel.

There was a long, drawn-out silence, the incessant chirping of sparrows filling in the gap in conversation and Bucky realized he had not really heard a bird his entire time in captivity. His head snapped sharply to look at Cleven as he suddenly spoke again.

“If anyone can find someone in the chain of evacuation it’ll be Smokey.”

Bucky furrowed his brows a moment before it clicked. “Doc Stover? You think?”

Cleven shrugged. “He’s our best shot I guess.”

“Our…”

“Are you going to drive us to the hospital, or should I?”

A grin pulled at Bucky’s lips as he started the jeep back up and took a sharp U-turn, heading for the base hospital. He pretended not to notice the way his friend’s eyes lingered on the stiff movement of his body as he climbed out of the jeep – he was definitely sore but was most certainly not going to admit to it. The wards were just as populated as they had been in 1943, something he found rather infuriating. It was another feeling he tucked into a neat little package and shoved down to be ignored until a more convenient time. Or perhaps never to be acknowledged again.

Stover was easy to find, dressed in his white coat, just finishing his rounds.

“Majors, what can I do for you?” He gestured for them to follow him into his office and Bucky sank down into a chair heavily, once again ignoring another man’s assessing gaze on him.

“Well it’s an odd request really but…” He trailed off, hesitating as he smoothed his too-long hair, reflecting once again that he needed a proper haircut.

“We’re wondering if you might be able to track someone down for us. Someone who was injured at a camp in Moosburg and evacuated to an aid station.

Stover raised an eyebrow curiously. “One of your fellow POWs?”

“Something like…. well yeah, she is.” Bucky corrected himself midway through, watching the doctor’s eyebrows shoot up dramatically. “Flight Nurse from the 802nd MAES, POW at Moosburg since January of ’45, shot during liberation and taken to the aid station of Patton’s 3rd Army – armored division. Which division I don’t know.”

They watched as Stover quickly grabbed a pen and started jotting down the important details, including your name.

“How bad was she hurt?” Stover asked and Bucky swallowed tightly.

“I didn’t see it happen but there was a gunshot to her stomach somewhere. They got her on plasma quickly.” He added hopefully but Stover’s face remained grim.

“I can’t promise you anything Major Egan, it doesn’t sound particularly hopeful either, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, Doc.” He nodded, leveraging himself out of the chair with a barely concealed wince.

“And what do you have going on?” Stover stayed seated, eyeing him expectantly.

Bucky noticed Cleven had not budged either, the bastard. Emptying his lungs with a heavy exhale, Bucky put his hands on his hips and shrugged.

“Couple of broken ribs, I’ll be alright.” He replied nonchalantly.

“And how old are these broken ribs?” Stover prodded and Bucky ignored Cleven’s pointed look up at him.

“Couple weeks, I’m halfway mended, just overdid it getting in the fort to come back.”

Stover rose from behind his desk and opened a cabinet, fetching a bottle and holding it out to him. “Aspirin, to keep you comfortable. Take two every four hours as long as you need. Come back if you run out.”

Bucky accepted the bottle with a nod of thanks, the memory of you scrounging up two rare pills for him in the Stalag flooding back, furrowing his brows. The things you could have done in a place like this with limitless supply.

“Thanks again, Doc.” Cleven’s expression of gratitude pierced through his reminiscing and Bucky nodded quickly, tucking the pills into his pocket before heading out quietly.

Accommodations were procured and there was not much for him to do around base aside from rest and learn how to eat properly once more. It took several days for any news of your condition to reach him, via Stover’s connections, but when the man pulled him into his office on the morning of the May 5, he was stunned to learn that not only were you alive, but that you had been air evacuated to Redgrave Hospital just thirty minutes away from Thorpe Abbotts.

You were safe. You were close.

“Seems they weren’t quite certain what to do with her, but as she serves under the Army Air Force, they sent her to our main hospital.” Bucky realized Stover was still talking and he shot him a warm grin before grasping his hand to shake firmly.

“Well I really appreciate your help, Doc. I’ve gotta…” Bucky glanced over his shoulder at the door, desperate to make his way to you.

“Yeah, go…” He chuckled and shooed him out of his office.

No longer a squadron commander, Bucky technically did not have a jeep of his own to disappear with off base and so he was in the process of grabbing one of the stray bikes outside the control tower when Crosby emerged into the daylight, eyes squinting in fatigue at the brightness.

“Where are you off to Major?”

“Redgrave Hospital!” He replied brightly, watching the younger man blink.

“Sir that’s a good eleven miles, that’s a terrible idea with your ribs.”

Word seemed to have spread fast…

“Take my jeep, I’m not gonna need it today.”

“Croz, you are a lifesaver.” Bucky dropped the bike he had been wrangling to slap him on the back before diving into the jeep allotted for use by the Group Navigator. “I’ll be back!” He shouted, taking off in a spray of dust and gravel.

Turning onto the two-hundred-acre country estate, Redgrave Hospital, consisting of nearly forty Nissen huts, stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the trees and landscaped green. As he pulled up to the headquarters of the hospital, Bucky quickly realized that the staff there were not nearly as excited to see him. In fact, they were downright reluctant to allow him in to visit you, but assured him that while you were ‘heavily medicated and resting’ you were still ‘on the mend.’

While relief still permeated his system, it was a new agony to have you so very close and yet still out of his reach. If they were not going to permit him as a regular visitor, Bucky realized he was going to have to get a lot more creative in order to lay his eyes on you, and until he did, there would be not real peace.

------------

Moments of clarity punctured through the blackness – a blur of trees, the flurry of activity of an aid station, the masked face of a surgeon speaking to you reassuringly, the heartbreakingly familiar interior of a C-47 – but it was not until you were settled in a bed inside a hospital with four walls, windows, and nurses that true cognizance really returned to you. Casting your eyes around the sterile, white space, you noted you were situated at the end of a row and walled off from other patients with a set of privacy screens. The most striking feature of this hospital was the very stern-faced Bucky parked in a chair to the left of your bed.

As you began to stir, his eyes lifted quickly to meet yours, some of the tension easing from his frame. “Have a good rest, angelfish?” he whispered, and you furrowed your brows up at him, so full of questions. “They got you on the good stuff don’t they.” He chuckled fondly, reaching out to brush his fingertips across your cheek tenderly.

“Kick a girl when she’s down, why don’t you.” You sighed, speech slightly slurred from pain medication and the dryness in your mouth, but still capable of using his own lines against him.

His resulting grin contained all the brilliance of the sun and made you look down with a self-satisfied smirk. Your eyes immediately fell on your exposed arms laying atop the blanket, the scarring along your left forearm lain bare for all to see. Jerking your hands back roughly, you clumsily tried to shove them beneath the covers despite the warmth on the ward. Bucky’s gentle tut before his hand came to rest atop yours halted your attempt.

“Shhh, you’re just fine you brave, beautiful woman. Stay right there.” He murmured as he laced his fingers with yours, pinning your arm to rest above the blanket. “You have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.”

Swallowing thickly, you slowly lifted your gaze to meet his. “I think I’ve acquired a few more…” You sighed, the feeling of thick bandages padding your hip acutely registering as you spoke.

“Probably.” He nodded softly. “You also probably saved that boy Hernandez by taking the bullet, so I’d say they were well earned. Besides, they’ll make an excellent target for my mouth one day.”

Your soft smile transformed into a look of disbelief, your free hand rising to whack his shoulder gently. “John Clarence Egan.” You chided half-heartedly and he pressed his face to the side of your head where it lay propped up against several pillows, his heavy exhale ruffling through your hair. “We are in a hospital, and you are making inappropriate jokes.”

“Mmmm.” He hummed in agreement, stroking his thumb against yours affectionately.

“Which hospital is this, anyway?” You asked curiously, finding its curved roof and white walls lacked distinguishing features.

“Redgrave Hospital, you serve in the Army Air Force after all.” He pulled back slightly to answer.

“Redgrave…” you repeated thoughtfully. “Sounds awfully English.”

“Hit the nail on the head, angelfish. We made it.” Bucky’s lips brushed against your temple, and you smiled softly. “Despite our best efforts.” His teasing made you laugh softly, and you shook your head.

“If we’re in England, where’s the King?” You raised an eyebrow expectantly and he smirked, shaking his head.

“No King, unfortunately, but I did bring you this?” He reached behind him, pulling out a newspaper to lay across your lap.

“Victory in Europe.” You read the headline aloud, pausing a moment as the words sunk in before gasping and looking to him wide-eyed. “Truly?”

A look of solemn earnestness overtook his features and he nodded softly. “Truly. German army surrendered yesterday.”

You gulped roughly and looked back to ready to date of May 8, 1945, on the top of the paper – you had lost nearly nine days. You really had been so close, everyone had. And the fact that you were here, and others were not seemed so very arbitrary. Sighing heavily, you squeezed his hand gently.

“By the skin of our teeth.” You murmured thickly, looking up as a nurse shuffled past with a faint nod of acknowledgement before making a sharp about-face to come and check your vitals.

“How’re you feeling?” She asked you and you nodded slowly.

“I’m alright, thank you. Bit foggy but things are the clearest they’ve been in days.”

“I’m going to fetch the Doctor.” The nurse turned to eye Bucky sharply. “You’d best make yourself scarce.” She commented before continuing on her way.

“How on earth did you get in here?” You raised an eyebrow as you came to realize how unusual his presence was.

“Bought my way in with a few bottles of champagne – your flightless comrades are quite friendly if one knows the price.”

You coughed out a laugh as the comment made Nurses sound like some species of bird and his lips twitched into a smile, your eyes unable to look away from the soft, rosy skin of his mouth.

“Hey before you go…”

“Hmmm?” He turned to you, half risen from his chair.

“I don’t have the mental capacity to think of something self-deprecating right now, so can I just get a kiss?” You murmured before pursing your lips shyly.

His face transformed into a warm smile, eyes crinkling adorably at the corners as the tips of his ears flushed pink. “I always said you just had to ask, angelfish.”

Echoing his smile, you turned your lips up expectantly as he braced his hand on the pillow beside your head, leaning in to gently brush his lips against yours, drawing a contented sigh from deep beneath your breastbone. Bucky’s lips pressed closer, a tender hum rumbling from his throat just as a sharp cough sounded from the end of the bed and he slowly pulled back with a rueful huff.

“Just checking her breathing, Doc.” Bucky grinned wolfishly as the man raised an eyebrow sharply. “She’s doing great.”

“Hn.” The doctor intoned, clearly unimpressed. “And how are your ribs doing, Major Egan?”

Inhaling sharply, you looked him over quickly, the litany of his injuries flooding back to you from your sub-conscious.

“Much better, thank you Doc. Who knew Smokey was such a gossip. Well, angelfish,” he brushed his knuckles down your cheek, “guess that’s my cue.”

Nodding slowly, wondering who on earth Smokey might be, you watched him leave before your Doctor took over, running through numerous checks with you before discussing the extent of your injury and the surgeries that had been performed to save your life. It was nothing short of remarkable, what they had thrown at you to prevent your death, the conversation a very sobering one. It would be a long road to recovery, and one, it turned out, you would mostly be taking back home in the United States.

After a week or so in Redgrave Hospital, you were deemed fit enough for transport back to the Zone of Interior for convalescence and recovery in a domestic hospital. Though the sympathetic nurses had not seen fit to permit Bucky onto the ward again, they had taken a shakily written note, the loss of strength you had suffered in just over a week was startling, and promised to deliver it to him. The trip via Prestwick to Greenland, then Newfoundland, and ultimately Grenier Field in New Hampshire felt luxurious on the much more spacious C-54. You were admitted to the Station Hospital there to continue your recovery and rehabilitation, enjoying phone calls with your family instead of delayed correspondence for a change.

It took two months for you to be fully back on your feet, back to yourself. The same amount of time, it seemed, for the 100th bomb group to be repatriated stateside. Freshly discharged and clad in a brand-new olive drab dress uniform, proudly bearing your silver 1st Lieutenant’s insignia following your promotion and the ribbons from your two purple hearts, you had sweet-talked your way back onto the base. One of the more sympathetic MPs who had heard your story – admittedly there were few in New Hampshire who had not heard your story at this point – had not even protested your request. It seemed that fate saw fit to land Major John Egan in your life a second time, with Grenier Field the destination for his bomb group on their return flight.

Standing in the warm summer breeze, watching the sky for the silhouettes of their planes, it honestly felt odd to be wearing a skirt. The complexity of affixing your stockings to the straps of your garter belt had briefly made you long for the convenience of slacks, but with your properly cut and styled hair and feminine clothing you felt like an entirely new woman as you stood outside on the grass with the ground crew. Would Bucky even recognize you?

At last the distant droning of aircraft engines reached your, and everyone around you’s, ears, the shapes of B-17s multiplying on the horizon before they began to circle in for a landing. Honestly, there were so many of them you briefly doubted you would be able to find him with any manner of efficiency. Clamping a hand over your officer’s cap to hold it in place as a plane taxied onto a nearby hardstand, your eyes began to scan the crowd of men as they filtered past, surely headed for the mess hall or officer’s club. Catch a glimpse of those unmistakable ears, you stepped forward and called out to him.

“John Clarence Egan!”

His head whipped around so fast he nearly took out the man walking beside him.

“Do I really look so different in a skirt that you would walk right by me?” You teased fondly.

“Angelfish!”

His flight bag hit the asphalt with a sickening ‘crunch’ that had you worried for its contents, but the impact of his body against yours drove that thought quickly from your mind. Wrenching his cap from his head he tilted his face to nestle beneath the brim of yours and kiss you soundly. Distantly, you were aware of all manner of cheers and wolf-whistles from his comrades, but you were too busy clutching at his shoulders to truly mind.

“How did you-? What are you-? God, it’s good to see you.” He rambled before pressing his mouth against yours firmly, not even giving you the opportunity to reply.

Laughing brightly into the kiss, you became vaguely aware of the sound of footsteps approaching much nearer and pulled back slowly, smiling fondly as Bucky’s lips made as if to chase yours, but his friend’s question interrupted him.

“You gonna introduce us, John?” A tall blond man with striking blue eyes and a pair of unsettlingly symmetrical facial scars asked sardonically.

Bucky cleared his throat and stepped back, though you noted his arm slid around your waist in a rather proprietary move. You found you did not mind in the least, particularly as your fully healed wound gave no protest of pain whatsoever.

“Angelfish, this Gale Cleven – call him Buck, Robert Rosenthal – Rosie, and Harry Crosby – Croz.” He followed up by introducing you by your full name.

“He give you that nickname, too?” The one he told you to call ‘Buck’ raised an eyebrow and you laughed.

“It’s a long story….”

-------------------------

The Only Truth I Know Is You Masterlist

Tag list: @gretagerwigsmuse, @luminouslywriting, @softspeirs, @sunny747, @storysimp, @slowsweetlove, @httpsmoon, @buckysegan, @justheretoreadthxxs, @precious-little-scoundrel, @jointherebellion215, @timetowastetime8, @mads-weasley

#john egan x reader #bucky egan x reader #major john egan x reader #john egan x you #john egan fic #john egan imagine #john egan #mota fanfic #masters of the air fanfiction

[formerheroeswhoquittoolate]

okay so for those of you who haven't met me (most of you) I really like thinking about the way people talk (tone, inflection, accent, speech patterns, et cetera) and I'm tired so I'm extending this to the batfamily here we go here's my thoughts, unrequested and only slightly edited:

dick: sounds a bit like a male pop singer (think brendan urie but without the whining or busting his voice with drugs and bad technique). dude has a killer falsetto and can hit some of the highest notes in the house, beat out only by steph. saw a headcanon somewhere about him growing up speaking romani because of his parents and having an accent as a child that comes back when he's hurt or tired and honestly 100/10 it's part of this headcanon (and if you know where this post is please tell me! it's not mine and I'd love to give credit). you can also hear it in the way he says a couple less common words but his accent otherwise sounds exactly like bruce's.

jason: doesn't have the deepest voice of the batfamily; he's third deepest after bruce and duke. his tessitura (comfortable vocal range) is big though and his voice pitch changes a ton with his mood. he's got a soft r that the other bats don't have (think ny or boston) that he learned from his mom. his falsetto is trash but he is one of the better singers in the family. all low notes. you should hear him do the song the dwarves sing in the beginning of the hobbit.

tim: his voice is a little scratchy but it's not too noticeable. damian is the only batboy with a higher voice; tim and cass are at about the same pitch. he's a tad self-conscious about how he sounds in general and heavily mimics so he's got bruce's crisp ts and a softer r like jason's. he says "ahm" instead of "um" and that's not really common in gotham so nobody really knows where he's gotten that from. he's definitely more monotone, for a lot of reasons, and tends to emphasize his words by changing in volume rather than pitch.

damian: he's like twelve so his voice hasn't dropped yet but he wants it to be lower like his brothers. he's got just a touch of an arabic accent so his speech is a little more melodic and much like tim he's a mimic so he has bruce's ts and a few sporadic romani and aave quirks from dick and duke respectively.

duke: second lowest voice of the batfamily. the kid's quiet and his speech is usually peppered with aave although he's often a little self-conscious about it around the primarily white batfamily and especially white upper-class bruce. doesn't sing in public but he's good at it (he refuses to acknowledge this)

cass: okay she hardly ever talks but when she does it's slightly lower in pitch than what people expect. she typically speaks in broken english (well that's canon not headcanon) and it's always the same way as someone else in the batfamily speaks, usually babs, steph, duke, or jason since she spends the most time with them. she's barely ever louder than a kitten sneeze.

stephanie: holy shit the girl talks fast. she's got the highest speaking voice too by a few steps. gorgeous soprano but only about fifty percent of the time. loses her voice completely when she gets sick and turns into a raspy old lady. has an absolute knack for impersonations, not necessarily in terms of pitch but in speech patterns/rhythms.

barbara: right in between tim/cass and steph in terms of pitch. she uses very precise language and there's often random hacker lingo in there. she's also surprisingly loud and can out-shout any of them except for alfred.

and finally, bruce: deepest voice by a step or two. his batman growl is actually slightly higher in pitch if you listen closely enough which jason finds hilarious. he's got very crisp ts as a result of being raised primarily by the very british alfred and he often takes his time speaking especially in meetings.

#batfam #batfamily headcanons #headcanon #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #cass cain #orphan #oh my god there's SO MANY OF THEM #stephanie brown #spoiler #damian wayne #robin #duke thomas #signal #barbara gordon #oracle #hopefully that's all of them #look one of the things I love about comics is you get to decide what these people sound like #and as you can see I have decided

[olderthannetfic]

I know about the origins of the Bechdel Test, but I do think it's inaccurate to say it's not meant as a criticism of movies that don't do that. I think that when people stop thinking in binary terms of "is this feminist?" or "is this anti-feminist?" and instead look at things more holistically, that you can recognize both that a character like Mako Mori is great, a step in the right direction for female characters in action movies and especially WOC, go forth and stan her and write all the fanfic you want.... but yeah, it is also a valid criticism of the movie (and many others like it) that she doesn't talk to or have relationships with any other woman in the film.

I think one thing to help people realize just HOW much of women's lives are being left out of media representation when we never talk to other named women about something other than a man in movies, is to just think about your own life. I talk to my mom every day, and if we are not talking about my stepdad or my brother-in-law (and I don't think we've ever had a conversation that wasn't at least IN PART not about them or another man), then it passes the test. I'm a professor and when I talk to a female student about her homework or project (which is, again, something that happens pretty much every day I teach), that's passing the test. If I order food from a female cashier and she has a name tag, that's passing the Bechdel Test! It's literally just constant for the vast majority of women on the planet, and that's what's being left out of our stories.

Like, I like the takes I've seen about how part of the joke in Dykes to Watch Out For is that this is *particularly* alienating to lesbians - as a lesbian myself I agree - but I also think it should be frustrating to straight and bi and ace women as well, because like unless you are like exclusively interacting with your husband or male relatives every single day + you work in a workplace where you are literally the only woman, you are almost certainly passing the test constantly. That's a pretty big part of women's lives that Hollywood is leaving out!

But I think it's important to view it as just one piece of the discussion about feminism and women's representation in film, not the final judge on if a film is feminist or not. Which it wasn't intended to be - as you said, it was mostly a joke on the extreme maleness of 80s action movies. Honestly, I do not miss those days on Tumblr where people were obsessed with declaring certain movies/TV shows/other fandoms they liked as "feminist" or "anti-feminist" and the really bizarre granular discussions people would have between two works that BOTH had a long way to go in terms of representing women. I remember people in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom would use this to argue about if the original anime or Brotherhood/the manga was better - when both have some fantastic female supporting characters, but are ultimately male-centered stories where even a lot of those women's lives and stories are centered around their male love interests and family members. It's better than a lot of shounen, but if that's your bar for feminism - either version - you have a long way to go (and need to watch WAY more anime because there's sooooo much of it that is female-centric). I also remember people coming up with other tests that were blatantly silly: like I thought the Mako Mori test about "if a woman has a motivation/story that isn't centered on a man" was fair because it did point out a legitimate criticism, but there was that ridiculous "Tauriel Test" where it was "a woman who is good at her job." And it was entirely about someone just disliking that movie critics and feminist commentators alike were down on the Hobbit movie trilogy, which a) were bad movies, sorry you have bad taste, b) are absolutely not where you should focus your attention if you're so concerned about women's representation in film, Tolkein has always been a sausage fest! And her big thing was being mad that people thought Judi Dench's M in Skyfall was a better female character, and so she arbitrarily decided she was "bad at her job" and Tauriel was "good at her job" even though that's completely subjective and can be challenged in both cases.... but also, once again, why are you looking to the fucking JAMES BOND franchise for movie feminism! There's nothing like comparing the relative "feminism levels" of JAMES BOND and LOTR to make it obvious that this is 100% about validating your subjective taste preferences by giving it a "progressive" excuse, not actually about feminism and not actually caring about women's representation beyond how it makes you look good. And yet SO many people took that transparently stupid post seriously. I'd see professional articles mention the Tauriel Test as "one of the new tests" like there was anything serious about it.

And then on the flip side, over-reliance on the Bechdel Test alone led to some clueless conclusions especially in anime fandom, given that anime has an abundance of shows that exclusively feature female characters in school clubs being cute, where those characters are nonetheless two-dimensional archetypes designed for the male gaze. Someone like fandomsandfeminism did a presentation at an anime con that called one of those types of shows "feminist" and some Japanese user eviscerated it, but that just led to the equally shallow fandom analysis of "everything a Japanese person says about anime is automatically more valid" and "any Westerner who wants to criticize anime on feminist/progressive grounds is culturally appropriating and ultimately coming from a place of ignorance, even if they literally have a degree in Asian studies."

Wow, this turned into a rant about the history of bad "feminist media criticism" on this website. Sorry about that, I think I had a point in here somewhere. I guess that the Bechdel Test is indeed a joke and those origins should be understood, but also, I don't think it's wrong to say that it identifies a real problem and one that people could probably take MORE seriously than they do - but as just one part of the conversation, not the Feminism Litmus Test, and certainly not as a dick-measuring contest about whose fandom gets them more progressive brownie points.

--

I think as long as we grasp that the joke is "The bar is so far under the ground that we might as well go home and eat popcorn there", it's fine.

The real issue with the test is that people started thinking a pass was meaningful.

If you say something like "X% of 2020s movies can't even manage this weaksauce level of women existing", that's a meaningful statistic. Even if you got a couple of data points wrong, you're not factually wrong enough for it to matter because X is going to be some massive, massive percentage, and the overall trend is so clear.

But a pass is nothing to celebrate, and that's where we went wrong.

Like you say, litigating which of two big franchises that barely do anything with women wins on tumblr points is idiocy.

I think people are so unaware of what media that genuinely centers women even looks like that it's hard for them to even begin having a discussion.

I personally have been a massive fujoshi type from adolescence, and media that centers female characters isn't actually what I typically want. (Though media that is by and for women and that doesn't give a fuck what men think of this is.) I am also not much of a fan of slice of life in general...

But when I was coming out and figuring my shit out, being able to go buy collections of Dykes to Watch Out For was incredibly valuable to me.

Ditto the other lesbian comic books that were just sitting there in the bookstore. I'm sure if I went back and reread them all now, I could find things to nitpick or ways they were more for lesbians and less for me as a bi girl, but the really distinctive thing they did was let me exist in a world where media isn't all 80s sausagefest action movies where women are not people.

In fact, they were a world where men don't matter terribly much—not because they're dramatically rejecting men in some facile and reactionary way but because... who cares? They just had other priorities... and this was normal.

It feels like people who've never taken a vacation from really mainstream media just have no concept of what it would feel like to exist in some other space.

And I think that's a pity even if, like me, they later choose to go read mostly BL later instead of focusing on female characters or they genuinely love trash 80s action movies despite everything wrong with them. It's not just sexist media that's the issue: it's that feeling like the fish can't see the water it's swimming in.

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: A Conspiracy Unmasked

Ohohoho here we go >:-D

Merry like “hmm, I can tell something’s fishy about this, but we’ll have to talk about it later”

The Brandybucks being described as “virtually a small independent country” is GreatTM X-D

“…as a matter of fact, [the Bucklanders] were not very different from the other hobbits of the Four Farthings. Except in one point: they were fond of boats, and some of them could swim.”

*Phil Dragash Merry voice intensifies* I LOVE BOATS Y’KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE BOATS SO MUCH I MEAN THEY’RE SO COOL AND BOATY AND THEY FLOAT

Aww, Sam’s already getting a bit homesick :-(

Gollummmm

Frodo: “I mean we already ate, but we could eat again.” Merry: “Say no more, fam”

Frodo seeing Bilbo’s things in the new house and being “sharply reminded” of him :-C Hello it is once again Crying About Frodo and Bilbo O’Clock

BATH SECTION YEAAAAAHHHH

“Which order shall we go in? Eldest first or quickest first? You’ll be last either way, Master Peregrin.” HAHAHA GETTIM FRODO

And Merry like “excuuuuse me, you should know by now that I’m better at planning and logistics than that; there are THREE tubs >8-D”

And Pippin splashing Frodo with the bath water 🤣 This whole section is so stinkin’ CUTE

I, too, cannot properly dry my hair until I am out of the steam in the bathroom. Frodo is the most relatable ever.

Merry has such dad energy 🤣 “You’d better clean up your mess, Pippin, before you get any supper!”

The squabbling over the mushrooms haha

Ooooohh The Talk is here

It honestly makes so much sense that Pippin is the one talking when Frodo refuses to. Frodo is trying to keep secrets, and Pippin has zero filter.

Also Merry reading Frodo like a book is SO GOOD

“You are miserable, because you don’t know how to say good-bye. You meant to leave the Shire, of course. But danger has come on you sooner than you expected, and now you are making up your mind to go at once. And you don’t want to. We are very sorry for you.”

THAT’S MY SMART BOI

I can’t wait to draw this part

“You do not understand! You must go—and therefore we must, too. Merry and I are coming with you. Sam is an excellent fellow, and would jump down a dragon’s throat to save you, if he did not trip over his own feet; but you will need more than one companion in your dangerous adventure.” Awww, Pippin!!

Also the foreshadowing, wow

Hahaha Merry presenting Sam like “TA-DA! Our chief spy!!”

Sam: “Gandalf did say to take someone you could trust, sir!” Frodo: “But I can’t trust anyone, apparently!” Sam: :-C

Oh oh oh it’s this part…!!

“It all depends on what you want. You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin - to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours - closer than you can keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the Ring. We are horribly afraid - but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds.”

MERRY MY LAD I LOVE YOU TO DEATH

That’s true friendship right there

Frodo like “I am NEVER trusting that you are actually asleep ever again” 🤣

“Three cheers for Captain Frodo and Company!” I’m going to melt 🥹

Merry once again being the G.O.A.T. by having the ponies prepared

“It seems to have been a very efficient conspiracy.” HECK YEAH IT WAS

I love that Fatty has barely talked through the whole chapter except to blurt “NOT THE OLD FOREST” at the very end

Merry continues to have Dad Energy by breaking up the almost-argument between Pippin and Fatty

Oooof the dream about the Sea…

#FINALLY ANOTHER CHAPTER REVIEW #bet y’all thought we’d never get out of ‘a shortcut to mushrooms’ lol #shortcuts make long delays indeed #meriadoc brandybuck #merry #samwise gamgee #frodo baggins #peregrin took #pippin #fatty bolger #lord of the rings #lotr #my writing #chapter review

[inevesgf]

will love you eternally if you do chrismd next 😭😭 barely any content for him nowadays and i’m CRAVING it

LORD OF THE RINGS ⠀,⠀ chrismd.

synopsis ✩ in which after you filmed a football video for the chrismd channel, you added that you had never seen lord of the rings, which allows chris to have a reason to ask you on a date.

authors note: my first one - shot on here! i used to write quite often, but haven’t recently, so i hope this satisfies all you chris girlies out there. i sometimes get carried away when i write so this one is kind of a long one. honestly, i have also never seen lord of the rings so if there’s any inaccuracies, i apologize. nonetheless, i hope you all enjoy <3

word count: 2.8k.

being a youtuber around the london area, you had a lot of friends who presented themselves in the limelight of social media. other fellow youtubers, streamers even; you knew a variety of people. during your weekdays, you’d find yourself filming with friends, and on weekends, occasionally the same.

today was a weekday like any other. chris, one of your mutual friends, had asked you to film a football video with. while you weren’t the best at football, at least you were better than danny. danny would be there, so you were sure to embarrass him by hitting the crossbar more times than he could.

the filming of the video concluded within the span of two hours; enough time for the whole idea of it to go to bits and end up turning into a free for all. though you had fun, you couldn’t help by laugh at how off track this group got when they were together.

“alright,” freezy spoke, “now that that’s done, i can go home and finish my harry potter marathon with lux.” his seemingly enthralled tone made the others laugh around him as chris began to talk, “lord of the rings is way better, mate.” chris was an absolute nerd, but you couldn’t help but love it. he was quite different from the boys you hung around with, not bad different, but the kind of different that intrigued you. when conversations about cinema came up, you usually tried to involve yourself as you were passionate about your favorite films. “i’ve never seen lord of the rings.” chris’ mouth laid a-gap, like you had just shot him, as he put his hand over his heart dramatically. “well you better get on that. you’re reeeallly missing out.” a small laugh escaped your lips in return.

a few goodbyes were thrown out as everyone walked their separate ways. you had parked on one side of the pitch, where all but one of the guys had parked on the other. that one was chris. he had came jogging up behind you slowly as his breath hitched from the cool london air. “you seriously have never seen lord of the rings? the hobbit? not one?” once again, you chuckled. you could relate to chris in someways. you two were both very passionate about your interests, his just happened to be some movie about a ring. “nope, haven’t. i guess i never got around to it, really. i have no patience to watch films on my own.” you spoke. it was true, sometimes it would take you several days to watch one film on your own because you kept pausing. “then we’ll watch it together.” when chris proposed this idea, you couldn’t help but smile. in all honesty, you’ve always found him at least a bit attractive. of course, a guy inviting you to watch a film with him didn’t always mean a date, but still - it was exciting nonetheless. maybe he was just being friendly, but it never hurt to test the waters. “alright then, sounds like a plan.” and with that, chris began walking his way over to his vehicle, a smile on his face mirroring the one on yours. “see you then, y.n. have a good night.”

it hadn’t been long since you arrived at your flat after filming that you received a text from chris. you had honestly thought him proposing to watch lord of the rings with you was a joke, but it clearly wasn’t. ‘when are you free?’ the words on the screen illuminated your face, accentuating the deep pink tone that flushed your cheeks. you answered back, yet not quick enough to come off as desperate; you always overthought these types of things. ‘i’m free whenever :)’ you responded, as your schedule was clear of filming for the rest of the week. quickly after you had sent that text, he replied, ‘friday night, 7pm, and i’ll cook us dinner too ;)’ a blush crept onto your face. it had been wednesday night, so unfortunately you had to wait one anxious day before this. you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. like what had crossed your mind earlier, you had always thought chris was cute. there was an unspoken rule between you and becky that friends were off limits. you have both established that flings like that usually never work out, and overall it would be awkward if something bad happened. you did want to take a chance on it, after all, you didn’t know if this was a date or a friendly get together - even though you couldn’t help but pray to yourself that it’d be the first.

thursday passed faster than expected, and so did the first half of friday. you spent most of the day on thursday debriefing, cleaning, and overall just spending sometime to yourself. earlier friday, you had caught lunch with becky of who you told about your ‘date’ with chris. she didn’t think it was a horrible idea, in fact, she was happy for you. the girl seemed to be even more giddy than you. “y.n, this is great! you have to tell me everything, and i mean everything.” your friends had always been more interested in your own love life than you were. out of the group of girls you hung around, you were one of the only ones who was single. it didn’t bother you that much, i mean, you had more friends than you could ever ask for. its not that you didn’t find need for a relationship, you just liked your independence. “i will, trust me. you’ll be the first person i call when i get home.” a satisfied yet smitten look was placed upon your face as you began to discuss your excitement for tonight. you weren’t nervous, moreso giddy than anything.

after lunch, you made your way back to your flat. as you entered, a vibrating motion happened from your phone as the screen lit up. ‘are we still on for tonight?’ it was chris. again, after you waited a few moments to answer, you responded. ‘of course, see you then :)’ after you had eagerly waited for around for half past 5, you began to get ready. not knowing what the acceptable dress code would be for watching a film at someone’s flat, you picked out a simple yet comfortable outfit.

you pulled down your sweater over your head; a sidemen one harry had gifted you; as you flattened the creases on it with your hands. to play it safe, you paired it with light wash jeans and plain chucks. it didn’t take you long to get ready, though you checked yourself out in the mirror more than you liked to admit during the process. you had a bit of anxiety when it came to being presentable. the fear of being overdressed or undressed for an occasion was always at the back of your mind. since you had picked something casual, you assumed you’d be fine. the clock had reached half past 6, which gave you just enough time to make your way to chris’ flat. luckily he lived only minutes away from you, so being late wasn’t a stressor.

the drive to chris’ was filled with drowned out music by lizzy mcalpine playing as you thought anxiously. being around chris wasn’t something new to you, but being alone with him certainly was. you had known the boy for a few years now, yet you were never the closest. like you had earlier that week, you had filmed videos with him — having mutual friends — and commonly went out in a group together on weekends. you two had always gotten along and chatted together, but usually nothing more.

you pulled into the designated parking area outside of chris’ flat and put your car into park. before you got out of the car, you sighed anxiously as you checked your hair in the rearview mirror. as you made your way to the entrance of the building, a heavy breath escaped your lips. as you inhaled, the only smell you could make out was your vanilla perfume. you felt as if maybe your anxiousness was turning into a sort of anxiety. usually before dates, whether this was one or not, you were calm. not this time though. chris, without even have experienced most of his charm, had you smitten.

when you had reached chris’ apartment door, you checked your watch. the time read five to seven which meant you were perfectly on time. as you placed a knock on the door, you made an oath to yourself that you wouldn’t make it obvious you were nervous. seconds passed before chris opened the door, greeting you with a smile. “hi, y.n, im glad you could make it,” the smile still remained on his face as he held the door open for you to go inside, “welcome to my not-so-luxurious home.” his words earned a slight laugh from you as you walked in before he closed then door behind you. “how are you doing?” you started small talk. chris entered the kitchen area and you followed behind him. upon entering the kitchen, the delicious smell of steak hit your nose, practically making your mouth water. “just lovely. i think i pulled something during the last football video we did, but other than that, lovely.” one thing you liked about chris is that he acted the same around everyone, whether he was on camera or off. his charismatic, yet sarcastic personality carried on in person just as it did in his videos. “thank you for helping me out with that last video, by the way. did you enjoy your time?” as he spoke, he made his was around the kitchen island and turned the stoves burner off. you sat yourself down at one of the stools in front of the island, watching attentively as he finished cooking up the meal. “yes, i did,” you told, flashing him a smile, “its always a good time filming videos for your channel.” “i’m glad. even though that group gets so off course, we make for a good video. you were the highlight of this one; being better than most them. you’re a good player.” he smiled and you laughed, a blush crept up on your face as you were flattered by the boy. chris began cutting the steak up into portion sizes, placing the halves on plates next to some skillet cooked potatoes. “well, thank you. not as good as you though.” “okay, maybe not as good,” he chuckled at his own words, “but you got a good leg.” chris pulled up a stool across the table from you before placing one of the two plates he just prepared in front of you.

the delicious smell of steak hit your nose and you were pleased. excited to dig in, you grabbed your utensils as chris picked his up from the table. “freezy actually taught me when i moved to london,” you went on, “i haven’t played that much before then.” “makes it even funnier that you’re better than him.” again, you chuckled. you seemed to be full of laughs today, but it was surely just the nerves masking themselves. with some small talk in between, including conversations about football and youtube, you two began to eat your meal. to be honest, you were shocked. chris never striked you as a good cook — especially after you watched the come dine with me video — but this was surprisingly good. of course, he could have bought it at the store and grilled it on the stove, but it tasted wonderful nonetheless.

it took you both around 45 minutes to finish your meal due to being caught up in conversation. you had to admit, chris knew how to entertain. the stories he had to tell were interesting, and he always made sure to leave you time to react. afterwards, you two had made your way into chris’ living space. as he sat down on the sofa, he patted the spot next to him, telling you to sit down. as you sat down next to him on the sofa, you began to speak, “thank you for dinner. yknow, i never thought you be a good cook.” in return, chris laughed, slightly offended at your words. “wow, thank you, seemed like you had high hopes.” “i mean, hey, i just never thought you were the type that enjoyed cooking.” as you both laughed slightly, you two locked eyes. you had never realized before, but chris had the most gorgeous brown eyes. you felt as if you could get lost in them forever, but so you didn’t look like a creep, you quickly shifted your gaze over to the television. the intro of the film started to play as you attentively watched the screen. you didn’t know a smidge about lord of the rings, so you hoped chris would educate you along the way.

throughout watching the film, chris put in his commentary and answered any questions you had. you thought him being so passionate about a film was cute and you made sure to listen carefully to what he had to say on it. “i think im most like frodo,” chris added. you two had been halfway through the movie, so you sort of got an idea of where he was coming from. “why’s that?” you spoke as you turned your head from the television to face him. “well, i would say im brave, observant too,” chris seemed to be flattering himself with his own words, “maybe not as calm as him, but we’re similar in someways.” you nodded, once again locking eyes with the boy. you couldn’t help but notice that throughout the film, chris had moved his way closer to you. beforehand, you had left at least another persons worth of room between you both, but now as you locked eyes, your face was inches away. a sort of tension filled the air, making you more nervous than before. “i can see that. he reminds me of you,” chris smiled. before you could think, chris placed his hand on his cheek and planted a somewhat thirsty kiss on your lips.

you were shocked if anything. it took you milliseconds to respond before you reciprocated the action and pushed your lips against his. your thoughts raced a million miles a second, but you could help but celebrate mentally that this was — inn fact — a date. his lips danced against yours as you found yourself placing a hand on the back of his neck, tangling your fingers gently in his soft curls. the kiss — that was more so a quick make-out session — lasted a few, long minutes before he pulled away. chris laughed, seemingly embarrassed or flustered. your cheeks flushed pink as you giggled; giddy as if he were your grade 9 crush. your hair had fallen in-front of your eyes and with one quick motion chris found himself pushing the strand from your face to behind your ear. becky and you had always talked about boys, and if she was wrong about anything: it was about chivalry being dead. the cliches are what got you and this action had caused your pink cheeks to turn dark red. “you’re beautiful,” a whisper had fallen from his lips. his words had seemed to speak through you instead of to you; the message he had spoke engraving it’s way into your brain. you were flustered as thoughts, and not all appropriate ones at that, organized themselves in your mind. “thank you,” you matched his whispering tone, letting your hands fall from the back of his neck to his forearm, “you’re not too bad yourself.” you laughed softly. a hue of pink appeared on his cheeks, matching the one on yours. one thing you had in common with chris was your teasing, sarcastic manner, but if anything, what you had said was far from teasing. you usually didn’t develop feelings very fast, but you couldn’t be more sure that you had already fancied chris. one kiss had pulled you under, and far from return at that.

after your heart had stopped beating a hundred beats a minute and your cheeks returned to their natural hue, you fixed your gaze back onto the television. after his impulsive move, chris had seemed to relax himself. while still near to you, he put his arm around you, inching your body closer to his. this was a casual action, but it returned the butterflies you once had in your stomach. making yourself comfortable, you rested your head on his shoulder.

considering this first date successful, you couldn’t have been happier. you were still oddly surprised about the kiss, but hey! you weren’t complaining. shifting slowly in your position, you sunk your body closer to chris’, leaning into him. a satisfied hum escaped his lips as he slowly rubbed your forearm. your comfort overpowered you as the film started to come to an end, your eyes closing as you fell asleep in his arms.

#sidemen #sdmn #chrismd #fanfiction #chrismd x reader #ksi #w2s #wroetoshaw #callux #calfreezy #chaos crew #miniminter #youtube #chrismd x y/n #x reader #beta squad #jj olatunji #vikkstar123 #behzinga #simon minter #comedyshortsgamer #deji #danny aarons #angryginge13 #f1 #niko omilana #niko omilana x reader