#I can't even rate this it's to unrealistic

[jayke0]

Just The Tip

Pairing: Marc Spector x fem reader

Summary: Marc admits his love for you, and you both end up a little more desperate for each other than expected, so much so that he can't even get inside you properly.

Rating: 18+, smut

Warnings/Content: a bit of angst at the start, fluff, romantic, desperate Marc, just the tip, oral (f receiving), male masturbation, unprotected sex, totally unrealistic and self-indulgent, creampie, fingering, multiple orgasms, lmk if there's anything else I should add :).

Word count: 1,605

Credit: @automnepoet (who also requested this btw) for proofreading ily.

…………………………………………….......................

"Marc…" is what you can barely mutter as your boyfriend slides his tongue over yours and licks into the heat of your mouth ferociously.

"Marc–"

Your second attempt at getting his attention is futile.

"Marc!"

Finally, he releases the suction he has on your lips, looking at you with wide blown out pupils that make you think Steven might've fronted in the short time he's been sucking your face off.

"What's gotten into you, sweetheart?" Your tone is soft as you run your hands through his curls and you feel him press into your hold, his eyes fluttering shut briefly to calm himself.

They had been away for a few days on a mission, nothing too big, which is why you're so confused now. They've been on much longer trips away, much more dangerous trips, but they'd never come home like this. Maybe he hadn't been totally honest with you, maybe something bad had truly happened and now he's trying to make out with you like it's his final chance… the thought makes your stomach coil with anxiety.

A sharp inhale brings you back into the room, and you notice he's staring at you again, though his gaze is more lidded; more "Marc" like.

"Nothing, I just…"

The anxiety builds stronger in your gut, stretching up to your throat to clench it in a vice grip.

"I don't want you to freak out, but-"

Uh oh.

"I almost got killed," he brings a finger up to stop you from interrupting him. "and it really put everything into perspective for me… I realised how much I love you, and how fucking much I'd miss you, even in death."

A cocktail of relief, sadness and anxiety all bubble inside you, making your ears hot and your expression evident on your face.

"Baby…" You can't help it, but tears start forming in the corners of your eyes despite the attempts to blink them away. "I love you too, so much–" You're leaping forward before he can even get another word out, arms wrapping tightly around his neck as if he might melt away from right underneath you. "Please be more careful… I need you, all of you." The mumbles are quiet in his ear, and you're both left with just your slow breathing for a few moments, Marc's hands rubbing your back comfortingly.

You pull back and admire his big, soft eyes, ones that you could even say you enjoy a bit more than Steven's, purely because it's a rare occurrence. Raking your fingers through his curls, you lean forward into his lips again and give him an affectionate peck, one that soon turns into you both panting against each other's mouths once more.

"Mmm, missed you so fucking much, baby." Marc whines, like actually whines, and it's a noise that has arousal spreading in your tummy and between your legs.

"Show me how much. Please, darling."

The man is jumping on you before you can go back to your heated kiss, his necklace dangling above you as he situates between your legs and grinds himself against your core.

"Lemme taste that cunt, sweetheart, please?" Your boyfriend asks as he's already kissing down your body until his lips reach your lower tummy. You nod, eager to feel his tongue again, and lift your hips so he can pull your pyjamas off. "Want you on your front though, can you do that for me?"

"Of course, Marc, whatever you want. Just want you inside me."

A growl fills your ears and spreads to your wet cunt as he grabs your hips and flips you onto your front, the gesture making you grab the cushions for a second to steady yourself. Looking over your shoulder, you can just about see Marc leaning down to lick a long strip up your lips, making you instead rest your head on the armrest with a soft sigh.

His tongue is delving between your folds in seconds and tasting your arousal, lapping up every inch of that sweet stickiness he'd missed so damn much. A pleased hum makes your desperate cunt throb before his nose bumps your lips and his tongue slides over your clit perfectly. The action makes you jolt and whimper, which only makes him do it again, purposefully teasing your poor clit till you're writhing on the couch and begging for a release while his nose teases your aching hole. You're clenching around nothing in minutes, pressing back on his tongue and nose as white hot pleasure surges through your body and makes your muscles tense and relax all in one go.

You whimper softly and look back at him again. "Please baby, let me feel your cock." You give your best pout, craving that initial stretch and feeling of being filled that only he can satisfy.

When Marc pulls away, the shininess of his chin makes you blush; were you really that wet? Or was it his saliva? you don't have time to ponder as you feel your boyfriend leaning over you, peppering kissing over your neck and whatever parts of your back he can get too.

"Such a pretty girl, my pretty baby. Been waiting to feel your cunt again, it's made me fucking crazy."

Maybe being away had made him a poet too.

You feel his tip suddenly pressing against your hole and you brace yourself for the delicious stretch… but it never comes, instead you just feel the blunt tip rutting against your walls. For a moment you think your boyfriend has malfunctioned somehow, but when you look back at him you see his head tilted back in pleasure, brows knitted together tightly while his jaw hangs slack.

"Marc? Are you o—"

"Just stay still baby, stay just like that babygirl." His words are breathless.

One hand rests on your ass, while the other wraps around your thigh and pulls you back on him just barely.

"Feels good like this." Your hole feels like a massage for his swollen tip, and he finds himself getting swept up in the feeling of it, the tightness of just the entrance and the lewd 'pop' sound it makes when he pulls out.

You expect this from Steven, maybe even Jake on a submissive day, but never Marc. He's always so good at holding himself together and fucking you for your pleasure, but he almost seems feral right now, just fucking what he can.

"Missed you so much baby." He repeats with a mumble and moan.

As he wraps his hand around the base of his cock, you realize he must be close, so you start clenching around him, making soft noises for him. "Fill me up Marc, wanna feel you cum in me again baby."

A low groan rumbles in his chest as you barely feel hot ropes painting your walls before he's pulling out and painting your hole instead, coming onto it and your thighs rather than inside. You kinda wish he'd filmed it or something, because ultimately the idea of him jacking off on your hole had made you much more excited than you'd thought, finding yourself pushing back on him and his softening cock.

He pants softly and rubs your ass, giving it a soft pinch and slap that makes you giggle.

"What was that all about then, hmm?" You tease with a grin.

"Don't you dare tell the other two."

"Oh, I'm going to."

His fingers splitting you open makes you gasp and grit your teeth, rolling your hips back on them.

"We'll see about that, baby."

You feel his free arm snake around your body and pull you up flush against his chest, your own chest resting neatly on top of his thick arm as he holds you close to him and draws shivers over your body with his breath.

"Y–you really don't have to do this Marc—" You stammer, but your body disobeys your words and continues to grind on his thick digits, showing him all he needs to continue pleasuring you.

"It's ok, baby. You know I love doing this, love pleasing you, alright?" His breath ghosts your ear and his tongue pokes out to lick the shell, teeth nipping it softly. "Just lemme pleasure this cunt, my cunt."

Oh lord, you haven't heard him say that in a while, but it makes you moan mortifyingly loud, your voice cracking a little as your breath is shortened by the firm grasp he has on you. Zealously, your hands struggle to grapple his arms when his fingers work faster inside you, dragging over the spot that has your orgasm rushing towards you all too fast, building from your toes all the way up to your flushed ears.

"You love my fingers, tell me you love them, babygirl."

"I do! I l–ove them baby-." Is all you can stammer.

Instinctively, your head tilts to the side to allow Marc access to your neck, and he does just that. He marks you like he hasn't seen you in months, drawing gasps and soft sobs from your chest as he breaks the soft skin and heat blossoms underneath, all rushing too your cunt until finally—

"Fuuuuckk!"

Your body rolls against his while you ride out your second orgasm, your thighs shaking and struggling to keep you up as your whole body shudders, whimpers and whines being all that's left of the intense pleasure.

You come down slowly, leaning back against Marc with all your weight so he can hold you close and pepper your neck with kisses.

"Good girl. I love you sweetheart."

"Mmmm…" You simply mumble at first, brain still foggy. "I love you too."

...........................................................................

Tagging people 🖤: @boredzillenial @cowboymarcs @chichimisaki @faretheeoscar @fanofstuffidk @minigirl87 @marisferasiop @red-hydra @summonthesoups @steven-grants-world @queerponcho @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @ominoose

#moon knight #moon boys #moon knight system #moon knight smut #marc spector #marc spector smut #marc spector x reader

[mysterycitrus]

for the 4 hc ask: roy harper 🤲

Headcanon A:  realistic

he takes a lot of pride in his body. part of it is practical - to draw the bow, he needs to maintain the muscle in his arms and torso, keep his wrists flexible, his posture straight. part of it is shallow - he likes sex, he knows he looks good, he wants to be taken seriously when people realise he's a single father. but part of it is also - he wants to prove people wrong. look at me! he wants to say. there's an after! there's an after and i came out the other side better and more loved than i was before that first needle!

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

roy and wally have kissed exactly once. it was during spin the bottle, it was awful, karen made fun of them for weeks, and they couldn't properly look at each other for over a month.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

he dreams of fire. he dreams of choking smoke. he dreams of lian entombed in stone and dirt. he wakes. he checks on her - still sleeping deeply - and checks every lock, every alarm, in an endless circle until his heart rate lowers and he can finally breathe without gagging.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

quietly, when they're still young, he and kory and vic and wally come together and make a plan to kill bruce wayne. it's not a realistic plan, obviously - they're drunk, it's late, and they're driven by desperation, not cunning. it's years of watching dick drown himself, smother his own light, draw himself away from them, that just feels too much. they know he'll never be able to extricate himself. they know with each new robin it's another weight pulling him under the water, they know that fine line he balances on over the pit will one day snap, and they can't trust that bruce will be there to catch him. they speak of it once, then never again. sometimes, once he joins the league, he'll catch vic's eye, wally's frown as bruce speaks, and thinks about it, just for a moment.

the truth is that he never even tells donna, because there's always a chance dick would find out, and never forgive them for considering him worth saving.

#roy harper #dick grayson #teen titans #dc comics #the ask and the answer #ask game

[xotaemintol]

(18+ college AU) PARK JISUNG X FEM BLACK READER: Unravel Me (Part. 2)

♡“There's something in the sun, or the air….” ♡

(Romantic, dramatic, semi slow burn. Includes fluff and smut.) PRONOUNS USED: SHE/HER RATING: 18+ (no smut yet.) FLUFF TWS: None Part: 2/5 ♡Part.1 Word count: 2059

JISUNG’S POV

"Dude, I swear! She was smiling and everything!" I told Chenle when I got back to our dorm and started explaining what happened, and of course, he didn't believe a word I said. He kept swearing that I was exaggerating, but how could I make this up? "So then what?" He asked, "Did you get her number?" When he asked this, I paused...technically, I don't have her number; she has mine, and she still hasn't texted me. So no. "Well...no, but-" He stopped me and laughed as Mark shook his head with a sigh. "HA! I knew it!" He said, "You have no balls! Dude, you need to be more confident in yourself," He added. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he began his usual speech about how I'm too 'shy'; he's been giving the same long-winded speech for three years. Ever since I showed interest in Y/N, he's been telling me the same thing repeatedly: "You're gonna miss out if you don't." As he said this, I huffed and sat down at my desk. They've been saying this for so long now, and as far as I can see, things are going well.

I leaned my head against my arm and muttered, "Well, she has my number...so I'll have hers when she texts me." Feeling slightly annoyed and bitter about their opinions, I can handle this perfectly fine—waiting isn't wrong; I want to do it perfectly; if I confess to her, I want it to feel natural. As they continued to talk silently, I flipped through the pages of my notebook, wishing I had asked for her number. I would've texted her by now; it's been at least three hours since then...maybe she forgot? Or she's busy? I exhale deeply. Who am I kidding? I would probably wait a whole day to text her if I had her number; even with the project being our reason for talking, I'd still take so long to say something. So maybe she's the same way? I mentally ask myself, "Is she?" I can easily recall all the people who talk to her daily. Whenever I see her, someone is talking to her and asking her about her day.

Y/N may not be precisely extroverted or introverted, but she's way more friendly than me. So it seems strange that she'd be nervous to text me. She didn't precisely seem anxious to be sitting next to me or to approach me as I was leaving, so maybe it's just that she's busy. "Jisung." I mean, it's not unrealistic. "Jisung." We're both college students; there's no way she doesn't have homework or something. "Jisung!" I mean, she seemed pretty happy talking to me, so- "Jisung!" I cringed as I heard Chenle yell my name; I turned to him with wide eyes, and they both stared at me with concerned expressions. "We're going to get something to eat. Do you want to come?" I only shake my head; I can't eat right now, not while my stomach is in knots. "Are you sure? Do you want us to bring you anything to eat then?" Asked Mark. I shook my head again, and they both gave me one more worried look before saying okay and leaving.

As they grab their jackets and a set of keys, I turn back to the wall and look up at the ceiling. Maybe I should've been a little bolder. "Jisung," As Mark called my name, I turned my head to him; "Don't stress too much, dude," He said, "Don't overthink it too much; all you have to do is be yourself." Hearing Mark say this made me sigh, but I could only nod—he was right. Maybe I am overthinking this too much. As the door closes, I reach into my pocket to check my phone; I haven't gotten one notification in the past four hours. As I click the power button and the screen remains black, my eyes go wide. "What?!" I groan and rush over to my bed, realizing that I was so excited to tell them about what happened that I forgot to charge my phone. "...No way..."

THIRD PERSON

As you rewrite your entire essay, you nervously bite your lip. You texted Jisung three hours ago, and he still hasn't responded. You thought that maybe you were too excited; "Maybe I should've waited a little longer," You said to yourself, or maybe your text was too awkward. You groaned as you thought about it again, looking over to your phone as you slammed your hands down on your desk and stared at your screen. "Was it that bad?" You asked yourself aloud, "I mean..." You paused and began to reach for your phone. "Maybe I should tell him I was just joking?" You stopped as an anxious feeling filled your body; your stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels, and your heart was racing. "God, I can't work like this." You pushed yourself away from your desk and stood up, saying, "I'm acting like I asked him to be my boyfriend or something; it's just a simple text; the worst he can do is make it blatantly obvious that he hates me."

You huffed and went to your mini fridge to grab a water bottle, "I mean...he obviously doesn't, though; he was so red it would stop traffic." You shook your head, hoping it would calm you down; you grabbed a cold bottle of water, cracked the top open, and took a refreshing sip. But just as you were starting to feel relaxed and enjoy the cool drink, your phone dinged, making you choke on the water as your eyes went wide. As you hurriedly put the top back onto your water, you simultaneously rushed back to your desk to check your phone. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" You chanted. Standing before your desk, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to prepare yourself for the best and the worst mentally. As you slowly opened your eyes, you reached for your phone. You unlocked it, slowly opening your notifications with your heart pounding and your stomach feeling unbelievably warm from the anxiousness.

'Sungie.'

You squealed as you read his name and jumped around before dramatically falling to your knees and screaming. Gripping your phone tightly, you closed your eyes again and tried to calm yourself a little before standing up again. This time—feeling slightly more nervous, you sat down and opened your eyes actually to read his message.

Sungie: haha, sorry, I forgot to charge my phone

Although your heart felt calmer, you still felt so on edge, and he hadn't even acknowledged your message...was it that bad? You inhaled profoundly and decided you'd have to put these nervous feelings aside if you wanted this to go anywhere after this project.

You: it's okay, lol

You: I thought you were just busy

The moment you hit send, it delivered, and without a second of it being sent, it said in tiny letters: 'read' and he was typing.

Sungie: oh, I wasn't busy

Sungie: I actually went right back to my dorm

Sungie: I actually thought you forgot to text me and got a little worried

And just like he did, you responded right away.

You: of course not lol

You: I actually went back to my dorm too

This time, your message was left delivered for a second longer, and every second, you felt more and more anxious. Were you being too dull? Your mind rambled in those few seconds until you finally got another text.

‘Replying to : do you mind if I call you instead? I'm a lot better on the phone hahaha’↩︎

Sungie: I don't mind...

Sungie: I think I'm better on the phone than I am texting too so I'd like that more hahahaahahahahaha

Sungie: is now okay for you?

Your eyes went wide...he responded to it? Of course, he did, but it still shocked you. His liking of the idea especially dumbfounded you, and you thought that asking to call him instead of texting was a little too pushy for him or that he'd feel uncomfortable. But this blew your mind.

You: Now is fine

Just as you were typing another message, your phone began to ring, and your heart pounded against your chest so hard that it ran through your ears and your stomach filled with butterflies. Your shaky hands held your phone as you smiled and took a second to collect yourself before answering the FaceTime call. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked at him. Jisung’s phone was already set up, and he was sitting right in front of it—his cheeks as rosy as could be with a shy smile that made your knees feel weak even as you sat down. He cleared his throat, nervously pushing his hair back as he said softly in a shy tone, "Uhm, hi." You couldn't hold back the smile on your face as he asked cutely, "Did I call too fast?" You laughed a little and shook your head as you sat your phone down in front of you. "No..." The awkward silence between the two of you didn't feel too bad. For a second, you both just sat staring at each other and fiddling with your thumbs until Jisung finally spoke.

"Sorry, I don't mean to stare...I'm a little nervous," He said. You wanted to scream at how cute he was, and his shy tone matched his gentle, deep voice so perfectly. How could you not swoon? "It's okay," You said with a laugh. "I'm nervous, too," He smiled even more and laughed as he looked away and cleared his throat again. "But this is good, and it'll help us with our project if we're both nervous...so let's try to talk a lot."

Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes to hours. Before you both knew it, three hours had passed, and you had jumped from every subject possible—from your favorite teachers to your favorite foods and movies. It only took a few minutes for him to open up to you. To your surprise, so much was hiding underneath his seemingly cold and calm exterior. He talked about his interests so passionately and listened to yours so attentively, responding and asking questions when you mentioned something you liked, even though it seemed like he already knew about some of them. The conversation was going so smoothly that you had forgotten what you should be doing. Neither of you could care about that right now, though—the relaxed and comfortable atmosphere was just too good for you to return to work.

“Lemon milk tea?” You laughed as you questioned his odd choice, “That’s the drink you’d pick if you could only drink one thing for a whole month?” Jisung nodded as he laughed. “It’s so good, and I could drink that for two months straight if I had to.” You shook your head and rolled over on your back, holding your phone above your face. Jisung asked, “Well, what would yours be?” You hummed playfully and jokingly said, “Water.” As he laughed at your joke, you could hear a door open and a voice in the background asking, “Are you talking to yourself?” Immediately, Jisung stopped laughing and looked in the direction the voice came from. “Uhm, hold on.” You nodded as he muted the call and stood up. Laying on your back, you smiled as you happily waited for him to return; you hadn’t been in such a good mood in so long, especially because of a guy.

You couldn’t believe that Jisung was showing so much interest in you. The only time you saw him seem even remotely interested in anything was when he was in class if he had to speak. Just thinking about it made you like him even more. As he rushed back to his phone, he quickly picked it up and unmuted it. “Could I call you back later? My roommates are back.” You nodded and smiled, saying happily, “Sure, I don’t mind.” He looked at you one last time with a smile and said, “Okay...” Sounding just as happy as you. As happily as he did, you muttered a soft “Okay.” before he finally hung up, you pressed your phone against your chest and closed your eyes tightly as you silently squealed and kicked your feet.

#nct dream x fem black reader #park jisung x fem black reader #park jisung x black reader #park jisung x you #park jisung fanfic #park jisung x reader #park jisung imagines #park jisung scenarios #park jisung smut #park jising x black reader #nct x female reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream smut #nct dream imagines #nct x black reader #nct x reader #nct fluff #nct smut #nct dream x black reader #park jisung fluff #park jisung fic #jisung x black reader #nct fanfic #nct x fem black reader #nct imagines #x black female reader #x black reader #K-pop x black fem reader #K-pop x black reader #x black fem reader

[ravenbloodshot]

Would Nct 127 members seriously date a foreigner .....

Johnny- Yes. He would want a foreigner that's very hot and likely a celebrity (Beyonce and Normani vibes). It's like someone with a sexy body and powerful image/personality that could make them a perfect power couple. Johnny is generally an open minded guy that likes to have fun so he wouldn't see dating a foreigner as a big deal

Haechan- No. Due to him wanting to please his family and marry/date a korean he wouldn't seriously be with a foreigner. He doesn't mind friendship with them but theirs no longevity in his eyes. (Although I think he could benefit greatly dating someone foreign, an impactful relationship would happen to him if he ever gave it a chance)

Mark- Yes and no. He has dated a foreigner in the past but rn he's not actively seeking out a partner (foreign or not) so its like he's open to it but he won't chase anybody, he'll let someone come to him. And if it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Jaehyun- Definitely, he would and has. He may prefer to be with foreigners, liking the way he feels and is treated. He could be a bit overwhelming though, being too forward and aggressive more so then he would if he was dating a korean (but I think that's why he enjoys dating foreigners, he can be himself). He's probably the most likely out of the group to settle down and marry a foreigner

Taeyong- Yes. He has a very realistic and healthy view of dating outside of his country. He would be with a person thats healthy for him and bring joy into his life, no matter their race/background. He also likes how aggressive and forward foreign women can be so that's a plus for him

Yuta- No. He has some prejudice views of foreigners and he is conservative when it comes down who he would seriously date. A one night stand? Gladly, he will partake with a foreigner but when he's done, he's on to the next.

Taeil- Maybe. But, he has a unrealistic view of foreigners, thinking their some outer-world beings completely different from him and out of his league. There's some fetishization here as well. He wouldn't stop to think of foreigners as real ppl he could actually date so it wouldn't work out even if someone approached him first.

Jungwoo- Yes. Similar to Taeils situation but a little more grounded. There's some glamorization of foreigners like viewing them as celebrities (maybe he only really gets the chance to talk to foreigners that are celebrities). But he could think their out if his league and be very surprised if he found out a foreigner was into him or asked him out. The bad thing is he wouldn't actively go after a foreigner. The good thing is if a foreigner went after him, they have 99.9% success rate of getting with him. Also, if he meets foreigners while on vacation without a doubt the person could have him wrapped around their finger as long as they go after him

Doyoung- Yes. Similar to Jungwoo but more self depreciating. He wouldn't ever even imagine a foreigner would want him and he could even sabotage romantic situations, not thinking he's good enough. Like with Jungwoo, if a foreigner went after him (slowly but aggressively) she could get with him. But the person can't be too sudden and forward or he would get scared and run

Ranking for most to least likey:

Jaehyun

Johnny

Taeyong

Jungwoo

Mark

Doyoung

Taeil

Haechan

Yuta

#kpop readings #kpop #kpop tarot #nct 127 #doyoung #nct doyoung #nct taeil #nct jaehyun #nct tarot #nct taeyong #nct jungwoo #nct yuta #nct mark #nct johnny #nct haechan

[icarusxxrising]

// long ramble TLDR just me discussing how I found my politics at the beginning

When I was a baby leftist the final push for me into anarchism wasn't when I learned what anarchy actually was, it was 1 event leading to a culmination of recognizing one of the biggest problems in social and economic systems was people having power over each other.

When I first got into leftism there was nothing on Anarchism when I tried to lookup "beginner leftist books". It was The Communist Manifesto, State and Revolution, The ABCs of Socialism, etc. Nothing about Anarchism though.

I tried to connect to Communism through reading and content creators but it couldn't stick for me. Not to say I'm not a communist now but my communism is different, and more inherent to my Anarchism. A lot of communist creators I watched talk were very intelligent on the system and helped me realize some positives, but they never could talk about the negatives of past communist ideologies.

When people addressed genuinely negative things that communist regimes did, like their treatment of disabled people or the genocide campaigns, they responded with facts about literacy rates going up. Obviously something like literacy rates going up IS a positive that should be addressed, but they could never just say "Yeah that was fucked up, we don't condone that bullshit, here's how we are going to stop that from happening". (Hell a ton of communists idolize and have pfps of some of the dudes that did horrible shit).

Even if I disagree I'll respect a communist who will say "These regimes did xyz fucked up shit, We can do better and learn from this fucked up shit tho", and I have met some that do that, but I couldn't click into the communism being fed to me because it once again felt like blind worship and just redoing the past rather than striving for something that would fit our modern society.

Ironically the first time I thought "Power corrupts people always" was when I found out TST founders were gross and Fascistic. I was getting into Satanism and was excited by the idea of TST fighting for religious freedoms within the system (lib moment), and how they were gay friendly and had posts about respecting lgbt ppl unlike COS who just said summarized "who cares what you feel about them as long as no one tells you you can't do that :)".

But when I found out about Queer Satanic and actually dove into the history of TST it was kinda this Camel Straw moment. I was angry I had supported a shitty organization and I was angry that something that could be good was controlled by shitty people who could just do fuck all bc they had power. It made me realize that as long as there was a person in power over others that there would be problems. It made me think of my childhood and how when parents have complete authority over their children it causes harm more often than not just by the nature of Exploitation that comes with holding power.

I didn't know what Anarchism was yet or that it was a real leftist ideology, I just thought it meant Chaos and Warmonger, but I took the steps into it without knowing just from the realization I had.

When I did find out about Anarchism it clicked for me. A style of communism and workers unions that won't hold power over individuals. And then I just began to learn more and it makes sense for me. It doesn't matter how many times other people told me it was unrealistic, my brain can conceive Anarchism better than systems that call for few people to hold power over entire populations.

Too be fair, I've always had anarchistic tendencies growing up, but once I found it the pieces just fell into place.

* This isn't for debating if you come into my comments with some USSR bullshit I'll just tell you to walk somewhere dangerous and block you *

#leftist #anarchy #leftism #anarchism #anarchist #socialism #socialist #communist #communism #theory #satanism #tst #queer satanic

[abitohoney]

Insatiable

CH3 - Twice Shy AO3 link

CH1 || CH2 || CH3 || CH4 || CH5 || CH6 || CH7

Vampire Sevika x female reader

Rating: Explicit, MDNI, NSFW

Story Tags: Vampire Sevika, Soft Sevika, liaison reader, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Grinding, Sexual Tension, Biting, Drinking, Smut, Clothed Sex, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Assault, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Minor Character Death, Vampire Silco, vampire Ran, definitely took some creative liberties on vampire lore here, Menstrual Sex, Menstruation Kink, Strap-Ons, Overstimulation

Word Count: 3.2k

Story Summary: As the new liaison between Piltover and the Undercity, you've been guided by the enigmatic escort Ran to meet with their boss- and fearsome criminal kingpin- Silco, as well as his alluring right-hand woman Sevika. You're well aware that plenty of shady things take place in the depths below, but there's something particularly mysterious about these three that you can't quite put your finger on.

AN: This is already in process over on AO3.

Sevika’s mouth was ravenous against your skin. Her teeth, sharp and pronounced, dragged along every inch of your body. Her quiet, deep growls and groans, echoed behind the buzzing in your ears.

You lie spread out across your bed, completely nude and for her taking. Soft moans spilled past your lips as every touch of hers felt electric, warm currents of pleasure bolting from each point of contact.

Her hands scooped up your wrists, pinning them above your head as she brought her unrelenting mouth to your neck.

Pain and pleasure shot from your throat and spread through every muscle and vein in your body.

You bolted upright in your bed with a startled cry. Without thinking you moved your hand to touch that damn spot again, causing yet another jarring wave of pain mixed with pleasure to roll through you. You immediately pulled your hand away, wincing and groaning.

Blinking your eyes several times, you peered around your room. It was still night, only the moonlight shining through your sheer bedroom curtains.

Though your skin felt cold and clammy to the touch, you were covered in a fine sheet of sweet.

Why were you having so many visions and dreams? Why did the marks on your neck seem to be connected?

You wouldn’t have any answers until you spoke to Sevika. So with a long sigh, you let your tired body flop back against the mattress, sleep quickly lulling you back into comfortable darkness.

The following day you slept in well past when you had planned to. Though you had returned the night before later than you usually would, you were abnormally tired. You found yourself unable to get out of bed until well into the afternoon. Even after a meal and another shower your body just felt off. Similar to how you felt when sick, but this was somehow different. You felt drained.

It took you until dusk to finish all your chores and get ready to visit Sevika. The walk down there sounded terribly dreadful in your weakened state, but the prior night still plagued your mind and you could not wait until the next meeting to make sense of it. Not to mention, you simply just wanted to see her again. You couldn’t quite explain it, but something about her just drew you to her.

So you made your way down to the dark depths of the Undercity alone, mulling over the bits and pieces you could remember along the way. Some of the memories seemed so odd, unrealistic, and out of place. To the point that you were starting to question if maybe some of it had simply been your imagination.

Too busy wracking your brain for the missing pieces to the puzzle, you didn’t realize you’d made a wrong turn until you caught sight of several figures hidden in the shadows of the alley.

You froze. The dark figures- three of them- all turned towards where you stood dead center not more than several steps away.

Oh no.

“Why hello pretty,” one of them drawled as they pushed off the wall they’d been leaning against.

“Uhm. Hi. I- I’m sorry. I must have made a wrong turn,” you stammered out, eyes shifting between the three men as they stepped out of the shadows and towards you.

“Don’t worry babe, you definitely made the right turn,” the first man replied, voice dangerously low as he sauntered towards you.

Your heart leapt to your throat.

No. Nonono!

Something glinted in the sliver of light that snuck past the walls surrounding the alley.

A knife!

Your eyes shot back up to the man’s face. He was close enough now that you could see the way his scarred face leered at you. His buddies not far behind him wore their own sinister smiles.

“You’re not from here, are you?” he asked, spinning the blade in his hand. Two more steps and he’d be within grabbing distance.

Heart pounding in your ears, you spun on your heel and took off as fast as you could back down the alley. To your dismay you had made your way much further from the main road than you had realized.

“Where you think you’re going pretty?” You heard the man call from behind you. Very close behind you.

Your chest burned with the effort it took to breathe as you ran as fast as you could. It was apparently not enough though. Not in your weakened state. You made it no further than halfway to the end of the alley when you felt the force of another body collide with the back of yours, sending you crashing to the ground.

You managed to catch yourself with your hands, preventing your face from hitting the pavement. Not without the cost of your forearms and palms of your hands though. You yelped in surprise and pain, your flesh tearing as you skidded.

Before you could even think to react you were flipped over onto your back and straddled by the scarred man.

You swung wildly at him, your hands clawing at his face and leaving deep scratches. You attempted to get his eyes, but he quickly snatched up both your hands and pinned them above your head with one hand.

“Fucking little bitch,” he snarled, dribbles of spit splatting against your face.

“HELP-” your scream died when he dropped his knife to cover your mouth with his other hand.

“Someone get her hands for me!” he snarled to his buddies.

You squirmed and bucked desperately beneath his weight, but to no avail. One of the other men grabbed your wrists, allowing the scarred man to grab his knife again and hold it to your throat.

“You better fucking lie still or I’ll slit this pretty little neck of yours.”

When you didn’t immediately cease, he pressed the edge of the blade hard enough to just break the skin. You choked out a sob against his hand, your eyes filling with tears as the realization that you were at their mercy finally hit. And there was no telling what they had planned for you.

Your eyes darted around looking for anyone, anything, to help you. His other buddy looked just as nasty and evil as him, no chance of pleading for pity from him.

Janna, why had you let your head get so clouded?

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a large, hooded figure stepped up behind your attackers. The three of them seemed to be too focused on you to even realize the presence of another. Your wide eyes searched beneath the hood for the face of what you hoped would be your savior and not another thug, but the entirety of their face was obscured in shadow.

Something else caught your eye though. Something bright, neon purple beneath their cape where their shoulder would be. Their left shoulder. It sank back beneath the cloth, the alley suddenly echoing with the sounds of spark, hissing, and metal joints.

Next thing you knew the man that had just been standing watching was grabbed the the back of his neck by a metal hand and thrown behind them.

Sevika?

The man that had been holding your hands down released them, jumping back and hollering when he finally faced the hooded figure. “What the hell?!”

“Get the fuck off her right now.”

You’d recognize that growling, deep, yet feminine voice anywhere.

The scarred man quickly pivoted his head to look behind him. You took that opportunity to grab the wrist of his hand holding the knife. His other hand left your mouth to fight back, but it was too late. Sevika grabbed him by his hair and effortlessly pulled him off you.

You scrambled to your feet and backed against the wall, watching wide-eyed as the two lackeys ran off in different directions while Sevika pulled the scarred man further into the shadows.

Blood curdling screams mixed with the sound of flesh tearing echoed through the alley. A chill ran down your spine. You could only imagine what she’d done to the man with her chemtech arm. You stood stock still, heart still hammering in your chest as you listened to the man’s scream slowly fade into silence. You heard the thud of his lifeless body hitting the ground, but you weren’t feeling entirely in the clear yet. Not with how furious Sevika must have been.

Sevika’s lumbering form emerged from the shadows, her hood still shrouding her face in darkness as she stood before you, toe-to-toe. She towered over you, completely casting you in her shadow. All you could see was the faint red-purple glow of her eyes.

“Are you alright?” she growled.

“I- I think so. Just some cuts along my hands and arms,” you panted.

“What the hell are you doing here by yourself?!” she spat.

“I- I’m so sorry,” you stammered. “I just wanted to see you. To talk to you about something.” You could feel her heavy breath against your face and smell the metallic scent of blood. She was livid.

“You could have been killed, or worse.”

Your stomach churned at the thought of what ‘worse’ could have entailed. And that was likely what their plan had been. “I know,” you replied softly, avoiding the heat of her gaze. “I wasn’t thinking straight. Just focused on you- on finding you.”

Sevika released a heavy sigh and finally took a step back to look you up and down. “Come with me.”

“What?”

“Your arms took a beating.”

You glanced down at your hands and arms. She wasn’t kidding. That fall and subsequent slide across the unforgiving pavement had really done a number on them.

You stepped away from the wall, expecting to simply follow Sevika wherever she planned to take you. So you were surprised, albeit pleasantly so, when she wrapped her cloak over your shoulder and her arm around your waist, holding you close to her side as she guided you down the dark streets.

Her place wasn’t far from the Last Drop, or at least from what you could gather, as she took mostly dark back streets. She opened the door, allowing you to tentatively step inside first.

She reached in, flipping a switch to turn on several very dim lights hanging from the ceiling. After stepping inside, she closed and locked the door before pulling her hood down.

You peered around the room. It was a relatively small open space consisting of a sitting room, kitchen, and dining area. Very simple and quaint, with very few decorations. Not that you were surprised. You suspected she spent most of her time doing jobs for Silco or hanging out at the bar.

“Come on,” she grunted, her metal hand gently pressed to your back as she guided you to one of two doors at the opposite end of the room. She opened the door to what you assumed to be her bedroom. She flicked on another light and took you to a small attached bathroom at the opposite end.

“Sit,” she instructed, nodding to a wooden chair beside the sink.

You took a seat, eyes roaming the room as Sevika pulled a cleaning cloth, ointments, and bandages from a cabinet. You noticed she had no mirror above the sink, or anywhere in the bathroom for that matter.

Strange.

Sevika wet the cloth, then turned to you. “Give me your arm.”

You did as she asked, but her tone and curt words left you feeling like a naughty child. Granted, you had done something rather stupid, going out on your own at night in the Undercity. Wandering random alleys.

Despite her cold tone, she was incredibly gentle as she held your arm and began dabbing away at the blood. You winced as pain shot from several of the deeper cuts.

She paused, cloth hovering over your arm.

“I’m okay,” you assured her, but as you peered up at her face, you weren’t so sure she was okay. Her brows were tightly pinched, lips pulled into a tight line and nostrils flaring with heavy breaths. A bead of sweat slowly trickled down the side of her face.

Janna, was she really that upset about seeing you injured? It certainly couldn’t be because she couldn’t handle the sight of blood. You’d heard what she did to your attacker, and you knew her job and history. You glanced at her metal hand, expecting to find blood from your attacker, but it was surprisingly clean. Yet her face had blood smattered and smeared across it, near her mouth.

What…

“Shit,” she cursed, “I can’t do this.”

Before you could even register what was happening, she had tossed the cloth into the sink and stormed off into her bedroom.

You sat for a moment, stunned, before finally rising to your feet.

Guilt ate at your stomach as you hurriedly finished cleaning and dressing your wounds. Sevika must have been rather shaken by the whole incident. And honestly, you couldn’t really blame her. Had she not shown up in the knick of time, your fate would have likely been far worse than some cuts and bruises.

You did your best to clean up her sink and put away all the items in the cabinet she’d pulled them from. The less work she’d have to deal with because of your foolishness, the better.

After taking a deep breath, you slowly made your way into her bedroom.

You were heartbroken to find her sitting at the edge of her bed, back turned to you and shoulders tense. As you moved towards her, your attention dropped briefly to her bed. It was surprisingly well made, almost as if it hadn’t been touched in a very long time. Particles of dust even coated most of the covers. You brushed it off as nothing, assuming she spent her nights, or days, sleeping elsewhere.

You stood beside her spread thigh, your throat dry as you struggled to find words. Her head hung too low for you to really see her expression, but you could feel her frustration. “Sevika,” you began softly, “I’m really sorry. I- I didn’t mean to be such a bother. Thank you though. For saving me. I can leave-”

Sevika stood to her full height, her voice low, stern, but not angry as she spoke. “You are not a bother to me.”

You tilted your head back to meet her intense gaze. She looked as though she was fighting something, her gray eyes searching yours before dropping to your neck.

“You said you wanted to talk about something,” she murmured.

“It can wait.”

“You risked your life to come talk to me. We can talk now.”

Breaking away from her stare, you fidgeted with the bandages wrapped around the palms of your hands. “I- I wanted to ask about last night. What happened to me? I woke up lying on Silco’s settee, and you were gone, but I could only remember bits and pieces from earlier. A lot of it didn’t make sense, so maybe some of it was just my imagination.”

“What do you remember?”

Your eyes shot back up to hers.

Janna, you did not want to tell her. What if it had all been in your head? All the dirty parts. Or even some of it. And the strange parts…

“I- I remember us talking about the previous… meeting, and- and how that didn’t quite go right. You told me you wanted to continue where we left off.” You glanced down at your bandaged hands, realizing you were fraying the edges with how nervously you were fussing with them. 

“We- started kissing and- I think I ended up on my back, with your body over mine.” You paused for a moment to catch your breath, feeling suddenly warm and worked up at the thoughts. “We were- well, we were basically having sex with our clothes on.” You released a quiet, awkward laugh before continuing. “I felt so good. You felt so good. Your mouth was– everywhere. Sucking, licking, biting…” You breathlessly trailed off as you felt Sevika gently grasp your chin between thumb and forefinger, tilting your head back to look up at her again.

This time you were met with dark eyes, pupils wide with lust. You swallowed hard. Her gaze dropped to the bob of your throat, pupils widening even more before returning to your lips.

The room began to blur. Until all you could see was Sevika’s hungry eyes. And those dark, soft lips as they slowly descended.

You let your hands fall limp to your sides, eyes fluttering shut. The moment her lips connected with yours, all the thoughts that had been plaguing your mind for the last twenty four hours faded away into nothing.

Metal fingers gripped at your waist, pulling you closer. A knee pressed between your legs, intentionally dragging against your clothed heat. Your desperate mewl was swallowed by the swipe of a hungry tongue.

Uncaring how utterly wanton you were, you rocked against Sevika’s knee. Your breath hastened, body already tense with arousal.

Sevika released your lips to kiss and suck along your jaw and down to your neck. She slid her hand from your chin to the opposite side of your neck, guiding you to tilt further and give her mouth room to taste the expanse of flesh.

Moans and soft gasps spilled freely past your lips while she all but devoured you.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” she growled against your throat.

You didn’t. But if it was even half as intense as what she did to you, she’d be in for quite the ride.

You lost track of where her mouth was along your neck, realizing all too late when her tongue pressed against the marks on your neck.

You cried out, startled by the sharp pain. It quickly faded, replaced with ripples of pleasure that had your eyes rolling back and another vision playing behind them.

Sevika’s nose was pressed against your neck, her voice raspy and hungry. “You smell so fucking sweet… Bet you taste even sweeter.”

“Sevika,” you moaned breathlessly just before your legs gave way.

Sevika wrapped her metal arm around your waist, catching you before you could crumple to the floor.

The room spun while she helped you over to sit at the edge of her bed. Your eyes blurred in and out of focus. Disoriented, you hadn’t realized she’d laid you back until you caught a glimpse of the ceiling light above you.

The mattress beneath you shifted, Sevika’s blurred face slowly coming into view and blocking the light. You slowly blinked, the red-purple glow of her eyes barely registering. “I’m so tired Sevika,” you said weakly.

“I know, sweetheart. But you can’t stay here. You’re injured, and I can’t control myself.”

Her words echoed in your head unprocessed as you started drifting off. The bed shifted again and suddenly you were scooped up into strong arms- metal and flesh. Your head rolled along Sevika’s shoulder, your face buried against her neck.

You took a long, deep breath through your nose, your head swimming with her scent.

And then you were out.

CH4>>

#arcane #sevika #arcane sevika #sevika x reader #arcane sevika x reader #fanfic #honey writes #ran #arcane ran

[just-an-enby-lemon]

DnD Night at Arkham

[They started it on Arkham as a form of group therapy and kept it after they scaped but on a special room on the Iceberg Lounge. Catwoman and Penguin entered later (via Harley and Riddler insidtence respectivaly) and Joker was banned because he kept geting Nat 20s in all his rolls]

.

Riddler: You rescue the hostage. He is a simple human lumberjack. He offers you wood as a payment.

Poison Ivvy: Is the wood ethically sourced?

Riddler: He is a human lumberjack in a medieval scenario I don't think he even knows what ethically sourced wood is.

Poison Ivvy: I cast poison spray on his face. How dare he hurt the trees!

Riddler: Let me roll... You know what, no, he is a normal middle aged lumberjack. He just dies.

Penguin: NO! I wanted that wood! I could have sold it!!

Catwoman: Didn't he had some important information? Pam?!

Poison Ivvy: Well he should had ethically sourced his wood!

Penguin: Edward bring him back right now!

Riddler: I can't just bring him back! Pamela killed him. You should have tried to stop her. Do not blame me, I'm just the DM. By the way your next encounter are his wife and kids.

-

Scarecrow: I cast fear!

Riddler: *rolls dice multiple times* The soldiers fail their test. They are terrifield.

Scarecrow: Good. What are they seeing? What is their fear reaction? How is their heart rate?

Riddler: That's it! Every single time you cast fear you force me to do a ridiculously long description of their reactions no one else cares about. *the other Rogues agree* Please stop.

Scarecrow: People react to fear differently and afraid of different things, Edward, and is my mission to study it.

Riddler: They all see a monster and run.

Scarecrow: That's unrealistic. Not a single one paralyzes? No one screams? They all have the same monster as their biggest fears? Did they had a similar traumatic experience? But even so it wouldn't explain they all having the same reaction. Honestly, that's truly not how real people act.

Riddler: They aren't REAL, Crane. They are FAKE PEOPLE I just MADE UP. They act in any way I want.

Scarecrow: Oh so they are a reflection of your fear of losing control!

Riddler: You keep that and you're out.

Scarecrow: So if I just described their fears and reactions would it make you anxious because you lost control over your "fake people".

Riddler: Anyway is Two-Face's turn. Also Crane you characther is poisoned. He acidentaly steped in a poisonous plant while trying to analyse the soldiers fears.

Scarecrow: That's not fair.

Riddler: Two-Face?

.

Harley: Can I cast a illusion spell to pretend to be his dead wife?

Riddler: I'm interresed. Make your roll.

Mr. Freeze: Don't do that. It's too cruel, this poor man deserves better.

Two-Face: He separated our group in different torment chambers and he is trying to kill us!

Mr. Freeze: But his dead wife! He clearly loves her still and loves her soo much.

Catwoman: I think that's the point...

Riddler: It's up to Harley.

Harley: Does he has a dead daughter?

Riddler: Does he?

Harley: *rolls* NAT 20!

Riddler: He does. He loved her even more than his wife.

Harley: I pretend to be his dead daugther.

Mr. Freeze: See way less cruel.

.

Riddler: *starts giggling*

Two-Face: ugh.

Harley: oh no.

Penguin: Is another puzzle maze isn't it?

Catwoman: Please don't be another puzzle maze.

Riddler: Is not a puzzle maze!

*everyone celebrates*

Riddler: You guys see yourselfs trapped in a beutifull, amazing, perfectly done... death trap! : )

*everyone boos*

.

MadHatter: Can I kiddnap his kid, Dormouse?

Riddler: You can?????!

Catwoman: Why? Why do you want to kiddnap the royal's guard kid?

MadHatter: She has a Cheshire cat.

Scarecrow: Is not a Cheshire Cat is just a cat called Cheshire.

MadHatter: Same thing, March Hare.

Harley: Kiddnap the cat!

MadHatter: But than she'll be alone. If I take booth of them, they will be together as Alice and the Cheshire Cat. She'll be ny daugther and we will be a Woonderland family.

Poison Ivvy: Her name is Ophelia.

MadHatter: If I succeed in kidnapping her can I change her name, Dormouse?

Riddler: I supose?

Two-Face: Don't fucking encourage him, Nygma!

.

Two-Face: I attack the sphinx with my sword of shadows. *rolls the dice* Dammit Nat 1.

Riddler: Your paladin tries to attack the sphinxs, his sword does no damage. The sphinxs smiles cruely. How dare you try to solve matters of the mind with muscles??? YOU TRULY ARE ALL BRAWL AND NO BRAINS! YOU ARE THROWED AGAINST THE WALL. YOUR HP DROPS TO ONE. NOW YOUR ONLY CHANCE IS TO SOLVE THE IMPOSSIBLE RIDDLE. HOW DARE YOUR MORAL PALADIN OF JUSTICE THINK HE COULD JUST PUNCH ME AWAY? YOU HAVE NO CHANCE DARK NIGHT! NO CHANCE AT ALL AHAHAHA. TODAY IS THE END OF BATMAN AHAHAHAHA *everyone looks at Riddler* *he blushes* i mean ... is harley's turn...

.

Two-Face: I steal his sword. I finally have two swords!

Harley: But both need two hands to use.

Two-Face: Perfection.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #riddler #edward nygma #jonathan crane #scarecrow #batman rogues #dnd night at Arkham #catwoman #selina kyle #poison ivvy #pamela isley #penguin #oswald copplepot #two-face #harvey dent #mad hatter #jervis tetch #mr freeze #victor fries

[h-c-u]

Eye of the storm pt 1

Summary: You can't cope with your grief and Beau is there for you.

Pairing: Beau "Cyclone" Simpson x fem!reader (Iceman's daughter)

W/C: 8k

Rating: PG, age gap, canon character's death (Tom Kazansky)

TWs: Grief, unnamed ED, Panic attacks.

A/N: It's going to be long and slow. And there is a lot of feelings. Is it healthy...? Wellll.... What in life truly is healthy...? Also - the next chapter is almost ready, and will be most likely posted on Sunday.

Part 2 | Part 3 Masterlist | List of tags | Eye of the storm playlist

Personal note: I am aware that grief is a very heavy topic for some people, and if you're not in the right mindset, please skip this story. A lot of what I described here is based on my personal experiences, so if you could, please don't comment on the amount of sleeping, crying and panic attacks. From the outside perspective, I know that there are a lot of them, and that it might even sound unrealistic for someone who was able to deal with loss in a more healthy way than I did. Everyone deals with it differently and I wish none of you, my dear readers, will experience what I did. Love,  G.

The last few weeks were rough for you... Mostly because you just couldn't process your dad's death properly, and you were having terrible nightmares every night and panic attacks when you were awake. And yet, you were afraid to go back to therapy; you just... weren't ready yet, because actually going there and talking about it somehow made it more... true. And because acknowledging that would break you even more. 

You couldn't spend more than a few minutes at home, because everywhere you looked you were expecting to see him, to hear him... Every time you looked at your phone you were expecting to see a text from him... Every time you looked at your driveway you expected to see him getting out of the car... But none of those things happened, and every time you realized that the won't happen ever again, it was crushing you over and over. 

You cling to his clothes, desperately seeking the remains of his scent... You re-read his journals every day, hoping that somehow the last unfinished sentence magically fills in with his neat handwriting the next time you get to that page... You were obsessively listening to the recording of My Funny Valentine he made for your mother a few years ago when he still had his voice... 

You knew that none of those things was healthy. And yet, you just couldn't let them go, making yourself re-live the pain of realizing that he's truly gone multiple times every day... 

To say that you were close with your dad would be a severe understatement. You told him everything, and he told you even more than he was sharing with your mother. You were almost inseparable, especially during the last couple of years. You learned sign language with him and you were with him in every unofficial meeting, translating, because it was much faster than writing on a computer. You were with him at every doctor’s appointment and every round of chemo, talked him through every panic attack and moment of self-doubt, when your mother just couldn't handle it anymore. 

And you missed him with every breath you took and with every heartbeat...

But ever since the funeral... you just couldn't handle it. And you had no one to help you, so you hid in the place where you could weirdly still feel his presence... 

You never got into military; you knew you weren't built for that life. You craved personal freedom too much and the strict routine would kill you. And yet you found yourself seeking the comfort of that, even if only by existing in the same space as it was happening. 

To be honest, you assumed that getting on base would be much harder, considering that you weren't even in the academy, but almost everyone you came in contact with got sudden amnesia and selective blindness when they saw you entering the base or walking the corridors... You usually just sat on the floor somewhere, tucked in the corner of the hangar, or in the furthest part of a cafeteria, being completely quiet and re-reading one of your dad's journals. It was the only place where you didn't feel like dying...

You were extremely careful not to accidentally stumble upon something you weren't supposed to see or hear, that's why it took you so long to get into your fathers office; because you assumed it was reassigned and you didn't want to be confronted by the new occupant... 

But you finally gathered the courage to open the familiar door and enter even more familiar room. You've spent a lot of hours here... Sure, all the personal belongings were packed and sent to your mother's house, but you could still see the marks he made there... 

The worn place on the edge of his desk, where he rubbed his thumb over and over, when someone was saying something extremely stupid during meetings. Blinds were still in the 2/3s of the window, just as he liked. The place in the carpet where he liked to keep his right foot perpendicularly to the floor, resting it on his toe was still visible. And many, many little things that gave unimaginable comfort when you saw them again. He was still here... Maybe not alive, but he was still here, and that took that heavy weight from your chest and shoulders, even if just for a moment. 

You couldn't force yourself to sit in his chair, it felt almost sacrilegious... Instead, you opted on curling up on the couch you helped choose, just for few minutes... To catch a breath from the constant grieving, even if for a moment... You didn't even notice when you fell asleep, and for the first time in weeks, there were no nightmares haunting your dreams... 

- Cyclone...? - he heard a familiar voice, and he instantly turned around. - Are you ok, buddy? - Warlock looked a little bit concerned but got curious when his friend put his finger on his lips, shushing him, and closing the door to his office a bit more. 

- I'm fine... - he lied smoothly, trying to position himself in front of his door in such a way, that his friend wouldn't see inside, but he failed. 

- What the...!? - to say that Solomon was surprised and confused would be an understatement, when he caught sight of the young women sleeping on the couch in his friend's office. 

- Shush. - Cyclone pulled his friend by the elbow further into the corridor, so their conversation wouldn't be so loud. 

- Why the hell she's in your office, and more importantly, why the hell were you watching her sleep? - Warlock crossed his arms on his chest evidently judging, and Beau's shoulders slumped as he looked at the floor. 

- Because she thinks this office is still unoccupied... And it's the only place where she doesn't have nightmares when she sleeps... - he bluntly avoided answering the second question, because if he did, he would actually have to admit few things out loud, and he definitely didn't want to do that in front of his friend. 

- And you know that because...? - Solomon dug deeper and Cyclone sighed heavily. 

- Because I overheard her conversation with her mother after I caught her for the first time...

- Jesus Christ, Beau...

- I know, believe me. - he was evidentially ashamed of what he did, and Sol didn't even know the half of it. 

- How often is she here? - Warlock sighed again and let his arms fall to his sides. 

- Every day... - even though Beau was much higher than his friend, right now he felt much, much shorter. 

- Every...!? Cyclone, what the actual fuck!? - vice-admiral wanted nothing more than for the ground beneath him to open and swallow him whole. - Wait... If she's in your office every day... Where have you been working from? - the judgement disappeared for a moment, replaced by curiosity. 

- From a conference room on the 3rd floor... - compared to the previous things, this one was easy to admit, and now Solomon just laughed quietly... 

- Shit, you're in deep, aren't you... Working from that shoebox just so she can catch some sleep... For how long exactly? - usually very sure in himself and confident Beau Simpson was currently folding onto himself in front of his best friend. 

- Almost two months... - he mumbled under his breath, readying for the next wave of laughter. 

- Have you even talked to her? - Cyclone didn't have to reply for Solomon to know the answer. - Why? 

- She's very obviously grieving. And she's Iceman's very young daughter and he would... - he couldn't even finish that sentence. 

- He would what... kill you? A bit late for that, isn't it...? - if looks could kill, Solomon would be dead then and there. - And I didn't mean it like that... Everyone treats her either as a ghost or like an egg which could break any second. Just treat her as a human being, not as a daughter of a dead father. Talk to her. And don't creepily watch her sleep ever again, because you won’t have to wait for Kazansky to kill you, I'll do it for him, I'm serious. - his expression told Beau that indeed, he wasn't joking. 

Cyclone sighed heavily and straightened himself, trying to put on his usual expression of confidence and nonchalance, which came surprisingly easy. 

- Could you...? - he asked before they went their separate ways. 

- Yeah, yeah... Your creepy little secret is safe with me... - he just shook his head when his friend's face showed nothing but relief for a short moment. - But seriously, she's a human being first, just remember that. - Cyclone only nodded, straightened himself and readjusted the flies and laptop he was holding in his hands. - Atta boy. - older man couldn't help but laugh and patted his friend on the shoulder. 

But when Beau was passing his door, he couldn't help but take one last look at the sleeping girl in his office... She looked so innocent and peaceful, curled up in a tiny ball on only one couch cushion, desperately trying to occupy as little space as possible. Her breathing was steady, and he could see her chest slowly raising and coming down, even from that far. He didn't have time to study the light freckles on her cheeks that were glistening like gold in the rays of morning sunshine. He took this sight one last time and gently closed the door, leaving her completely alone, which was much more true than he realized at the moment. 

Next time he saw you was on the balcony of the hangar. He was looking for a quiet space to eat, because he hated eating in the canteen with a passion. Someone was always either staring at him, or trying to talk to him, and he wasn't sure which was worse. He also didn't want to eat in his office, because he honestly thought, you were still there and he didn't want to disturb you. So, he was a bit surprised when he saw you in one of the biggest hangars, where the lights were off and the only sound that could be heard was planes landing and taking off on the tarmac. 

He didn't say anything, just sat about a meter away from you, took a smoothie from his lunch bag and placed it right next to you, wordlessly giving it to you, and started to eat his sandwich in silence. He didn't ask any questions, didn't make any remarks, just... kept you company, while you couldn't stop staring at the glass bottle, he presented you with. You eventually placed your dad's notebook on the ground and cautiously took the glass bottle into one hand. Even though the intention was obvious, you still weren't entirely sure if it wasn't happening in your imagination. 

- Peanuts...? - you asked quietly, without even looking at him. Your voice hoarse and rough from all the crying and screaming. You honestly weren't sure exactly when was the last time you spoke to anyone. Even your mother wasn't calling you that often, tired of your constant grief; you didn't blame her though. Cyclone only shook his head for no, which you caught with a corner of your eye. 

- Cashews, apples, kiwis, coconut milk and fresh, young nettle. - he said after he swallowed the bite of his sandwich. You still held the glass bottle as if it was about to explode any moment, but eventually you opened it and took a sniff before you put it to your lips and took a sip. It was... good. Tasty. 

- Thank you... - you whispered and started slowly sipping on the smoothie while he continued eating his breakfast. He only nodded once in response, letting you know that there’s nothing to thank for. 

You of course knew him... For the last couple of years, you were interpreting your dad's words in the meetings with him at least couple of times a week. You didn't know much about his personal life though. But right now, he was the right person in the right place, at the right time. His mere presence brought you weird comfort, taking you back to simpler times. 

He finished the meal first, but he didn't go, just reclined a bit, seeking support in the wall behind. He wasn't rushing you and didn't even give you impression that he was in a hurry, so you continue to take small sips of something that had actual sustenance, instead of tea or a single fruit that you could barely stomach. You knew you should be eating more, because you started to see bones through your skin that you weren't able to see before the funeral. The clothes were secondary, because you were mostly wearing your dad's old t-shirts and jackets, which were already much too big for you, but they brought you comfort, and you held to that small piece of support with all your might. but because of that, you haven't noticed how much weight you actually lost. 

So, you were extremely grateful for that smoothie, because you just didn't have the energy to even think about the food, you just didn't know how to show it or say it, so a simple "thank you" had to suffice, at least for now. 

You weren't sure how much time had passed until you finally finished the drink and closed the bottle, but it was at least half an hour, maybe even closer to an hour. You suspected that he had other things to do, yet he was sitting on the cold, metal floor of a balcony with you, as if you were kids who just met in the kindergarten. And if you had to be completely honest, you didn't mind that. Because he didn't do or say anything that was supposed to make you feel better. You were just two people. Eating breakfast. And for the first time in weeks, you smiled... 

He joined you later that day again; you were still sitting on the same balcony, so you weren't exactly hard to find. This time he brought you a wrap with smoked salmon, avocado, sunflower seeds and Philadelphia cheese. He had sushi... And you sat in complete silence again, not even one word between you this time, because even simple "thank you" seemed too heavy for you.

You didn't know why he was doing that, but deep inside, you were grateful. It was your second meal of the day since forever, and he stayed with you till you ate it whole, which took at least thirty minutes, because the bites you were taking were small and far apart. And yet he didn't say a word, didn't complain, didn't rush you... Just sat there and ate his sushi, and after he finished, he leaned again on the wall behind him. It wasn't easy for you to relax, but you at least didn't find his presence overbearing, which was progress. 

Small, yet somehow significant. But Rome wasn't built in a day.

After you finished eating, he took the wrapping from you to throw away and left you alone again, saying goodbye with a simple smile.

In the afternoon he brought you hot black tea, a caramel cookie and a blanket, which you let him drape over your body while you were holding thermal mug in your hands. He was really careful and made sure not to actually touch you, because in his mind it was a line, he wasn't ready to cross just yet. He again sat with you while you were slowly nibbling on the cookie and sipping tea. You suspected that the mug he brought the tea in was his personal one, because you seriously doubted that navy had yeti mugs just laying around, but you didn't say a word. Commenting on that would require much more energy than you had left in your batteries for today. Maybe tomorrow... 

This time he didn't bring anything for himself, so he was just sitting next to you with his eyes closed. He was breathing slow and steady, and that quiet, rhythmic sound somehow managed to ground you enough that you finally looked at him. The sun was slowly setting over the horizon and shined its rays on both of you... He looked... tired. But at the same time calm and content. You could tell that he wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere, and if he had any worries on his mind, there weren't reaching him this high up. You could see his chest slowly rising with every breath... Unknowingly, you focused on the same things he noticed about you, when he was looking at you sleeping. 

You eventually looked forward again and went back to slowly sipping from a giant mug of tea. You were surprised to learn that it was your favorite - earl grey with bluebottle flowers, with a little bit of honey. You doubted that it was an accident, but you honestly didn't care right now; it didn't matter.

Only after you finished your tea, you realized that he wasn't just sitting there... He fell asleep, and that made you smile for the second time today. You placed an empty mug on his left side, and moved a bit closer to him. The metal floor was getting colder this late in the day, and he was bound to get cold sooner rather than later, so you unfolded the blanket he draped over you, and put it around him as well. If he was tired enough to fall asleep here, he definitely deserved to get some rest. The blanket was big enough that it covered both of you, without forcing you to touch, so you could go back to re-reading your dad's journal in the last rays of sun for the day. 

At first you didn't notice his scent, because the detergent on the blanket was so strong, but it finally got to you, after few minutes of sitting in such close proximity. He smelled faintly of either pine or spruce, and a hint of very good quality soap. At first it distracted you, but it didn't take long for you to stop consciously noticing it. It still surrounded you though... 

You weren't sure what was the exact reason... If it was the heat radiating of the body next to you, his calm and steady breath, the fact that you actually ate today, or maybe the combination of all three, but you eventually joined him and fell asleep, sitting under one blanket with vice-admiral Beau Simpson. 

When he woke up, he didn't know where he was at first. His back and ass were cold, but the front of his body was pleasantly warm. It was dark all around him and he had trouble identifying anything. But finally his train of thoughts caught up with reality, and he realized what, or rather who, was responsible for the additional weight on his thighs. 

He gave his eyes few minutes to adjust to the darkness and he was finally able to see the familiar outline of your head, which made him smile. He still couldn't say what exactly possessed you to lay on him and, but the realization finally got to him, based on the blanket placement. You must have fell in your sleep, without even realizing it, and it made him chuckle a little. He couldn't help but move your hair from your forehead and you took a deeper breath when he did that. He didn't want to wake you up, but at the same time, he knew that it wasn't the best place for you to sleep, mostly because of the temperature, and he didn't want you to get sick. 

But he selfishly didn't move for few more minutes, just taking in your presence. He was watching you from afar for so long, that actually being so close to you seemed... surreal, almost like a dream. Especially in the moonlight that was coming through the giant windows above you. In his eyes, you looked as if you stepped straight out of a fairy-tale to bless him with your company. 

You looked so peaceful and he hated that he had to disturb that, but to his surprise, when he touched your arm and gently shook it, you didn't wake up... You didn't even react in the slightest. 

At first, he wanted to try to call your name, to shake you a bit stronger, but another, admittingly more creepy plan won in his head. 

Very gently he hooked your arm on his neck, turned towards you, and grabbed you under your knees and your back. You weighed almost nothing in his arms, and he could feel your shoulder blades even through the jacket you were wearing. Your head moved forward and rested on his chest, instead of lulling back, following the gravity. He left his mug on the balcony, making a mental note to come back for it later, when you'll be out of his arms. 

He walked slowly and carefully, trying his best not to wake you up. There wasn't a lot of people in the corridors this late, and those who were, suddenly went quiet and found something else to look at. At first, he wanted to get you to his office, but he selfishly didn't want to leave you there alone, and sleeping on the rough carpet didn't sound that appealing... Instead, he took you to the quarters that were assigned to him. It was a small room, with almost no decoration. There was a bunk bed built into the wall, even though he was the only one assigned to this room, a small desk, a wardrobe, armchair in the corner. 

He didn't spend a lot of time here, preferring his house off the base, but this room was still available to him if needed. And today definitely qualified under "if needed". He didn't even turn the lights on because he knew how harsh they were, and he was afraid that you would wake up. 

He gently placed you on the lower bed.

He was torn about what to do next, but he eventually unlaced your shoes, took them off, and placed them under the bed. Not creepy at all. At last, he slowly moved the duvet from under you and covered you with it, even though you were still wrapped in a blanket. But when he was covering your shoulders, you desperately grabbed his wrist in your sleep and pulled it closer to your chest. He tried to gently pry your fingers away, so he could climb into the top bed and fall asleep, but you didn't want to let go.

He honestly considered climbing in the bed with you for a moment, but Solomon's voice slapped him over the head and instead he sighed heavily. Without moving too much, he grabbed a cushion from the armchair and placed it on the floor next to the bed. he also grabbed a pillow from the top bunk and did his best to find the most comfortable position while sitting on the floor. He eventually unbuttoned and loosened his collar. In the ideal world, he would be able to take his shirt of completely without waking you up, leaving only his t-shirt... That was a lie... In the ideal world, he wouldn't have to worry so much about you because you wouldn't be grieving... He also took his shoes off and put a pillow on the shoulder that you were currently trying to pull closer, and rested his head on it, trying to find the best angle, so the edge of the bed wouldn't be stabbing his ribs.

He looked at you one last time before closing his eyes and focused on your breathing for a moment.

It was calm and steady, which told him that even though you were clutching his arms like a lifebuoy, you didn't have a nightmare; at least that's what he was hoping for...

You woke up in an unfamiliar place, yet somehow you felt calmer than you felt in weeks. At first you didn't even want to open your eyes, in fear that if you did, that bubble of serenity would disappear in a blink of an eye. So, you laid there without even moving a finger, allowing yourself absorb every second of that bliss. 

Only after good five minutes you realized that you were holding someone's hand and your eyes shot open in a slight panic, which only grew when you realized your current position. 

Vice-admiral Beau Simpson was sitting on the floor, draped over the edge of the bed in which you were currently laying. Your heartrate immediately jumped, and your brain slowly started to fill in the blanks with the most rational possibility. You fell asleep. He took you to this room so you could sleep in the bed. But you didn't let him go... 

So, he slept next to you. On the floor. In a very uncomfortable position. 

It must have been very early, because the sun wasn't fully over the horizon yet, painting the sky with a muted orange color, that filled the room almost completely. 

You took a closer look at his sleeping face for the second time during last twenty-four hours; the calmness of if somehow rubbed off on you, and you weren't panicking anymore... You couldn't place exactly why you were reacting that way to his presence, but you did... And now it was your turn to do something creepy and stupid... 

Without letting him go, you gently cupped his cheek with your free hand and his eyes immediately shot open, but he calmed down when he saw you. You didn't say anything... Instead, you pulled him towards you, and moved closer to the wall, making space for him under heavy duvet in the very narrow bed, and he followed... Like a puppy on a leash... He climbed into bed with you, ignoring all the sirens in his head.

You let go of his hand and he pulled the covers over both of you, and just as he was beginning to feel unsure about what to do with his limbs, you took his arm again and guided it around your body, letting it rest on the top part of your stomach, and covered it with your own. After that his other hand easily found a place under your pillow and his left ankle rested on top of your right. 

At this moment in time, this was the only thing you needed from life... 

You didn't even realize how quickly your breaths synchronized, lulling both of you back to sleep. 

When you woke up for the second time, the sun was high up, and he was gone... You couldn't help feeling a bit sad. You knew that he had to work, and there were total of... 12 words exchanged between you two. But to your surprise, that sadness had a different taste than the one you felt constantly for the last two months... But you knew that if you started analyzing and dissecting it, you would spiral again. 

When you turned around and looked around the room, you noticed your bag resting on the floor next to the desk, your dad's journal on the desk, and a another glass bottle with a short "no peanuts" scribbled on a post-it note stuck to the side of it. But... you didn't want to get out of bed just yet. Your rational brain was screaming at you that you definitely should, because you were already abusing vice-admiral's hospitality. Not to mention that you used his body... Well, not in the most obvious way, but still... On the other hand, he wasn't exactly yelling at you and protesting. 

So, staying in bed it was... 

But first you took your jacket off and hung it over the ladders edge. You also took of your jeans and socks because it was extremely warm under the duvet. It definitely wasn't navy issued and even only in your underwear and your dad's much too big for you t-shirt, you were hot. But it was pleasant, because for the longest time you were always cold... It was partially to the fact that you weren’t eating enough, and partially because you were... well... depressed. So, you welcomed that warmness with your whole heart, covering even your head, leaving only a small gap for the oxygen to come in. 

It wasn't long before you fell asleep again, surrounded by a very subtle pine or spruce smell. 

Next time you didn't wake up on your own... Vice-Admiral Simpson was kneeling next to the bed and gently moving your hair from your forehead. 

- You need to eat something... - he whispered quietly. He didn't want to wake you up, but when he came back with lunch and saw that you didn't even touch your breakfast, he got a little bit worried. You wanted to shake your head for no, because you already ate so much yesterday, and you were still full from that... Sleep sounded much better than eating. But instead of refusing you ended up following his nods. - Just a quick small meal, and you can go back to sleep, ok...? - he asked, but it wasn't a request. You propped yourself on the wall behind you and took a glass bottle you saw earlier from his hands. 

It took you a good minute to hype yourself up to actually take a sip, but when you saw relief on his face... Well... It helped with every sip that followed the first one. 

He stayed with you until you finished the whole smoothie and gave you a gentle smile when he took the empty bottle from your hands. You moved your pinky just by few millimeters, so you could touch his hand. You weren't entirely sure if you did that consciously or subconsciously, but he didn't pull away for few more seconds, allowing the touch to linger. 

He wanted nothing more than to climb to bed with you again and protect you from both the outside world and what was happening in your mind, and you were so naively allowing him to do so... He couldn't help but feel like he was taking advantage of you, but you were a fully grown woman... Much, much younger than him, but still.

He wanted to tell you how much of a good girl you were for drinking the whole smoothie, and how proud and happy he was that you were finally getting enough sleep, but that would cross so many lines, that he wasn't even sure if he could count that high. 

You were so obviously depressed and grieving, that even an idiot would have noticed, and instead of getting you professional help, he was selfishly keeping you in his room, feeding you food he prepared and occasionally climbing in the bed with you... 

He clenched his jaw and finally pulled away, breaking this small point of contact between your bodies. And everything would have been fine, if you didn't follow his movements, and kneeled on his bed, and cupped his face with your right hand, forcing him to look you in the eyes. He almost immediately looked away, afraid of what you could possible find there, but you followed his gaze and intercepted it again. 

- Thank you... - your voice barely a whisper, because you couldn’t make it any stronger... Not yet... He only nodded in response and moved away from your hand by finally standing up.

- I will leave the lunch on the desk... It's a crab sushi roll, please try to eat it when you'll wake up next time, ok...? - he pleaded and you simply couldn't say no to that, so you nodded - Also, there is grape juice... - "your favorite..." he wanted to add, but he didn't want to explain exactly how he knew that. But your soft smile told him everything he needed to know. - Do you... want a book? - he asked with one hand on the door handle, and you considered your response for a moment, but eventually shook your head for no. You didn't think you had enough in you to process anything new. He gave you one last, soft smile and you were alone again. 

Usually, it would the prime time for a panic attack, but you stayed calm, grounded by the subtle scent vice-admiral left behind. 

You laid back in bed, and closed your eyes, even though it was the middle of the day, and harsh rays of sunshine would make it extremely hard for a regular person to fall asleep. But you had 2 months of catching up to do. And you were going to squeeze everything you possible could from that bubble of calmness, because you honestly didn't know how long it would last.

Next time you woke up, it was still bright outside, and nothing in the room changed, so you assumed that no one visited you while you slept. At first you wanted to go back to sleep immediately, but you remembered that you promised Beau that you would at least try to eat... With a heavy sigh, you got out of bed; but before you got to the food, you opened a window, to let some fresh air in. What you didn't predict was, that the fresh air was cold. So, you took your lunch and grape juice, sat in the armchair, curled your legs under you and pulled a t-shirt over them. 

It took you good five minutes before you actually took a first bite, and even longer to take the second one... But you kept at it, slowly but surely eating the lunch that Beau prepared for you. And you were sure that he made it because you knew canteen menu well enough to know that they didn't have sushi. If you weren't so cut from reality, you would be wondering what all that meant, but at this specific moment you could find the energy only for slowly eating. And with every bite it was easier to take and swallow the next one. It wasn't a big portion, and yet you still weren't able to eat more than half. 

And this time you didn't go straight back to sleep after eating... Instead, you grabbed the journal and continued reading where you left off yesterday. 

That's how vice-admiral Simpson found you... Curled up in his chair, completely hidden in a tent made from your dad's t-shirt, so even your toes weren't visible, with a very old journal in your hands. One look at the desk told him that you did your best to follow his request, and then was that feeling again... The one that demanded that he tell you how proud and happy he was, but he squashed it before it grew any bigger. 

- I brought you some towels, a toothbrush and a change of clothes. You don't have to do anything, they will just be here, in case you'd want them... - he placed the small bundle on the edge of the desk. He also brought with him a thermal mug full of tea. "I'm sorry I can't stay..." he wanted to apologize while holding you closely in his arms and showering you with gentle kisses all over your neck and chest. Instead, he just put a yeti mug on the desk close to you, and was gone before you even managed to thank him. 

For a few more minutes you tried to focus on your father's handwriting, but your eyes kept wondering to the bundle he left for you. You didn't have to, he said it himself... But you were curious enough to stand up from the armchair and take a closer look. Towel was nothing special... Well, at the first glance. Another thing that might have looked like it was military issued but wasn't. The one you were currently holding in your hands was much, much bigger, and softer than the ones issued in the common area. Inside the towel there was a plain white t-shirt, soft grey shorts, plain black underwear and... fluffy dark-green socks. To say that you were surprised would be an understatement. Not only underwear was in your size, but you couldn't help but wonder where he got the socks from. You gently run your fingers through the soft material, and you couldn't help but smile. 

Now you definitely had to take that shower. 

You correctly assumed that the second door indeed led to a very tiny bathroom. You took your clothes off, folded them neatly and stepped into the shower. Both the water pressure and the temperature were perfect, and you spent much more time in the bathroom than you initially planned. It was spruce, not pine... you realized when you saw the shampoo on the small shelf. He was using a natural, spruce scented shampoo... And now you will smell like him... 

You dried yourself with a towel and put on the clothes he gave you. Both shorts and t-shirt were too big for you, but you honestly didn't mind. You did your best to dry your hair, but they were still very damp when you left the bathroom. You hang the towel on the radiator, so it would dry faster, and finally put on the fluffy socks. It was such a small thing, and yet it brought you so much joy. Not only they were extremely soft, but they were also in your favorite color. You settled back in the armchair and looked first at the journal and then at the unfinished roll... You sighed heavily and reached for the latter. 

It took you more time than taking a shower to finish your lunch, but you finally did, after which you got up again to wash your teeth. You noticed that he gave you the same toothbrush as the one that was in the cup on the sink, and since you didn't want them to mix up, you just placed yours on shelf next to the mirror, which you avoided more than a plague. 

All that food and hot temperature started to knock you out and you climbed back to bed, hid under the covers and almost immediately dozed off. 

When Cyclone came back to his temporary quarters, he felt that nagging feeling again... You not only ate everything he left for you, but also found enough energy to take a shower, which he knew must have been huge, ever since you stopped running on that harmful autopilot and had to actually think about what you were doing. He took one look at you and the warmth spilled inside his chest... You were laying in his bed, wearing his clothes, smelling like him... He couldn't help that feeling of possessiveness that crept in and demanded that he marks you in so many more ways, but he squashed it again. Now was not the time... And he was better than his basic instincts. 

So instead, he went to the bathroom and took a quick cold shower. He noticed with a soft smile that you kept your toothbrush separated from his; he should have thought about it earlier and bring you one that didn't look like his, but still... A very small thing, yet it left a mark that you were there. 

You didn't wake up to the quiet hum of the water, or when he took a fresh set of clothes from the wardrobe to wear to bed. And before he climbed up to the top bunk, he took one look at you, only now noticing that you were shivering. He quickly closed the window and put the duvet over you. He wanted to kiss your forehead so badly... but he didn't, settling on tucking your hair behind your ear, so he could see your face better. You looked... a bit more like you today, than you did yesterday. 

He sighed softly and finally climbed in the top bed. 

You knew that something was wrong before you even woke up. Your heart was pounding, your hands and legs were shaking, your cheeks were completely soaked with silent tears, and when you finally woke up, you couldn't catch your breath. You tried to stay as quiet as you could, while attempting to take gasp after gasp of air, but your lungs just weren't cooperating. You knew what it was, you knew how to deal with it in theory. Yet when it came to actually calming down... You were desperate... 

You got out of your bed and as gently as you could, put your cold fingers on Beau's shoulder, which jolted him awake. And when he saw in what state you were in, you didn't even register how he got down; you just felt his arms pulling you to his chest and surrounding you from every angle. His embrace was strong enough to ground you in reality, and his scent only amplified that. You were openly sobbing into his shirt, not really caring about the potential consequences. You didn't register when exactly he sat on the lover bunk, and pulled you with him, letting you curl up in his lap, with his arms still tightly wrapped around you. He pressed his cheek you your forehead and was whispering something you didn't understand in your current state, but his voice alone was enough to pulled you out of that spiral and try to match his breathing, even if that hurt your lungs in the short term. You knew from experience that it was the best option to pull you out of that self-loathing spiral. He realized what you were trying to do and started breathing a bit quicker so it would be easier for you to match that tempo, and only after you did that, he slowed down again... 

Only now you started to process what he was saying to you... How well you were doing, what a good girl you were, how brave you were, how he was proud that you started to calm down... You weren't even sure if he realized what he was saying, because as soon as you went stiff in his arms, he immediately stopped, as if it hit him too. 

The rational part of your brain was screaming at you that it wasn't normal and that you should get out, but everything else was telling you to stay near him at all costs. You weren't sure if you were getting addicted to him or what any of it meant... You just knew you felt safe, and for now... That was more than you could have said about your own home. At this specific moment, you didn't give a shit if he was using you, or if you were using him, because it just felt so good... not to feel numb.

- I'm sorry... - you mumbled against his skin, still clinging to his shirt with one hand, as if you were afraid that if you let go, all of this would disappear, and you would be alone again. 

- Shhhhh... It's ok, it's ok... - he started to gently rub your back and pulled you even closer, which you thought was impossible... - What do you need, babygirl…? - a pet name left his mouth before he even realized that it started forming on his tongue, and when it reached your ears, it was already too late. For both of you... 

- Just... Don't leave... Please... - you finally whispered, and he could swear you would be able to hear his heart break for you... You needed so much more than he felt he was able to give you and it broke him, but heavens and hells be damned, if he didn't at least try. 

- I'm here, I'm not going anywhere... - he whispered against the top of your head. - Just let it all go, I'm here to catch you... - he said and that was enough for you to start sobbing again, but this time not because of the panic attack... 

After two months of suppressing everything you possibly could, you finally felt safe enough to actually let some of those things go. It was stupid and small, but you were slowly accepting one small thing after another... You will never get a message from your dad wishing you a good day. You will never wave him goodbye from your childhood bedroom when he'd be leaving to DC or somewhere else... You will never clean up after his botched breakfast... You will never sneak into his workshop to scare him. Never fight with him about your non-existing parking skills. Never watch him start a fire in the fireplace. Never get a handwritten letter from him on your birthday. Never bicker with him about the correct way to store chopped wood. Never sing another Christmas song with him...

So many small things that clumped together into one giant monstrosity that consumed every aspect of your life, and letting it go in one move was simply impossible. So, you slowly chipped away one thing after another, spent a short moment holding it close to your heart for the last time and finally let it go...

You couldn't stop crying, but a moment came when you run out of tears, so you ended up quietly sobbing into Beau's shirt, clinging to him, as if he was the last thing on Earth.

And he didn't lie... He was there to catch you when you were falling. Every time you started sobbing harder, he gently soothed your back, started whispering sweet nothings straight into your ear, and what was most important, he didn't let you go, not even for a second. 

Both of you were lost in time, holding each other to give and receive comfort you both so desperately needed, just for entirely different reasons. 

It took him a moment to realize that you passed out from exhaustion, because after a while, you started to sob without making any sounds, only shaking against him from time to time... He dried your wet cheeks with his thumb and just looked at you for a long moment. The sun was getting ready to raise up again and started creeping into the room but wasn't reaching the bed just yet. He no longer gave a fuck about what was proper and what was not... Not when you broke in his arms, and he couldn't do anything more than just not let you go... He laid you down and he couldn't believe how peaceful you looked after what just happened. 

Before he joined you, he lowered the blinds and shot a quick message to Solomon, so he'd be able to keep his promise to you. It was dangerously easy for him to slip into bed next to you and find the perfect position to wrap you in his arms and pull you as close to him as humanly possible. In your sleep you grabbed the front of his shirt and tightened your fingers around it, and he didn't mind that in the slightest. He rested his face in your hair and was content with just being surrounded with your scent, which was dangerously close to his own now. He placed a soft kiss on the top of your head and felt your fingers relaxing a bit, but he didn't do that again, afraid of what he could do if he'd start moving that line further and further away. 

He wasn't able to fall asleep for the longest time, because he was afraid that you might wake up in the middle of another breakdown, so he just laid there with his eyes closed, listening to your breathing mixed with familiar sounds of a military base waking up... Somehow this tiny room became its own microcosm in the last 24 hours, and it felt like it was disconnected from anything else, despite being so close to, well... everything. He could hear the laughter of young pilots, running water somewhere far away, people complaining about the breakfast. And yet, all of that felt at least few universes away, when you were in his arms. But finally, this part of the base became quiet with everyone getting to their duties, and only now he was able to doze off... 

Part 2

A/N 2: Please don't feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. But I would really appreciated if you commented :) Love, G.

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #TW: ED #TW: Panic Attack #TW: grieving #Top Gun Maverick fanfiction #beau simpson x reader #Cyclone x reader #Beau Simpson fanfiction #Beau Cyclone Simpson fanfiction #Beau Cyclone Simpson x reader #Cyclone fanfiction #🖤 #📏

[messymindofmine]

I've debated whether or not to say this but it's something that's been weighing on me a lot lately. I feel like something we need to address in this fandom is the harsh judgement and lack of grace towards our wonderful characters when we see them mess up.

I know that this season really knocked us all for a loop with Carlos's big reveal. I definitely didn't love the entire "secret marriage" storyline but the way some people reacted to it baffles me. I totally understand being angry. There is no denying that the storyline was full of plotholes and didn't mesh well with what we'd seen on the show in prior seasons. That said, I have to disagree with the people saying that it ruined Carlos's character or that it didn't make sense for him. Here's the thing, Carlos has never been perfect. He's been shown as being flawed and making mistakes since the beginning. It's just that up until this season, his mistakes have often been blamed onto others (usually TK) or ignored entirely. Since the beginning, Carlos was held on an unrealistic pedestal. Even criticisms of him being a cop were met with hostility. Then this season gave us Carlos messing up in a way that could not be blamed on anyone but him and it sent many people into a tailspin. As a result, they either still tried to pin the blame onto someone else (chiefly Iris) or they acted like Carlos's character was irrevocably ruined and started to act like they'd never liked or defended him, maybe to give themselves a feeling of superiority or not to come off as hypocrites. At any rate, I understand feeling upset that a character you love has messed up in such a big way but that doesn't mean that the character is ruined. I hate that Rafa felt like he had to get people to fall in love with Carlos again because I certainly never stopped and I know plenty of others (I would even go as far as to say most of us) didn't. It doesn't surprise me that people reacted that way though. What happened with Carlos is exactly what we see happen in real life with celebrities that have been put onto a pedestal by their fans. As soon as that celebrity messes up in a human way their fans can't excuse or ignore, many of those same fans will turn against them completely and even act like they never liked the celebrity anyway because they can't handle the thought of their fave being human. Such is the danger of idealizing humans. Not every flaw needs to be defended, sometimes these flaws need to just be accepted as part of being human and given grace. And that's what makes our characters so relatable to us. They are human. That's also why the anger towards Carlos this season was so jarring. Because it is something that has never really happened before and some people have gone from one extreme to the other. Well, Carlos is a human and he has never been perfect. I am sorry to the people who were disappointed by him this season but I fail to see any reason why so many insist on acting like he's completely ruined or refuse to show any understanding or grace as to why he did these things in the first place. A character without flaws would never be a fully realized character and it would be a disservice to the fandom. I'm not saying that a lot of the criticism wrt Carlos's storylines this season aren't valid or that people aren't allowed to be upset about the way certain things were done this season. I certainly have my criticisms but Carlos is a rich, complex character and that's what makes him so realistic and lovable. Valid criticism of a character's actions is one thing but to tear a character apart and then act like you never blindly defended them is another entirely. It's just gross and hypocritical. Most of all, the people who relate to Carlos in this fandom should not have to feel threatened or that their feelings and experiences don't matter.

Iris is another character that has been torn apart by fans this season. The people who still refuse to admit that Carlos isn't perfect have decided to pin the blame for the marriage onto her even though it has been made very clear that Carlos was the one who initiated the idea. But the negativity towards her didn't start this season. It's been there since her first appearance in 1x09. Even back then when we knew nothing about her beyond her being Michelle's sister and that she had schizophrenia, people chose to hate on her rather than show compassion and understanding. Back then, I saw Iris being referred to as "selfish" and "ungrateful" for refusing treatment. She was made fun of for the behavior we saw in 1x09 and 1x10 without people taking into consideration what she would have been dealing with. This season though it was taken to another level. People were even acting like Iris forced Carlos to stay married even though Carlos himself admits that he never even visited her when she returned. Obviously, Iris didn't even know TK existed and because she needed the insurance she got from the marriage so Carlos would have needed to be the one to initiate a divorce or annulment. Beyond that, we had some scenes of her behaving in a way that is out of the ordinary to neurotypical people but the reason for that was made very clear yet people still chose to use it against her. The way people acted like she was somehow standing between Tarlos is ridiculous especially since we literally had her saying onscreen that she wanted Tarlos to have a real marriage unlike what her and Carlos had. There are people in this fandom who can relate to Iris and they don't deserve to feel like they are less than or that they are not safe because some people can't handle the idea of a character not being perfect and so pin the blame on the easiest target.

TK has been a punching bag for many in this fandom since the beginning. From the moment he walked out of that dinner in 1x02, even though we all knew why he did that, people lashed out at him and it hasn't stopped since. Until this season, even the tiniest of conflicts between Tarlos have been blamed on TK. People have gone so far as to say that he's a terrible partner because he brought a lizard home. The breakup was entirely blamed on him and I remember seeing fics that killed him off during the Push era. People straight up accused him of cheating with Cooper in 3x13. They did the same thing when he dared to smile and joke with a bartender in 2x04. Nothing TK does for Carlos is ever enough and his actions (or non-actions for that matter) are constantly twisted to make it seem like he doesn't love Carlos as much as Carlos loves him. Even his proposal hasn't been safe from this. People keep saying that it wasn't good enough because he didn't buy an expensive ring and take Carlos to a fancy dinner. And this constant criticism and judgement never goes away. People keep bringing up past actions or even things he's never even done for the purpose of tearing him down. I've even seen people say he sucked because he didn't support Carlos in 2x08 even though when everything with Carlos was happening, he was literally being kidnapped and held at gunpoint. I have actually seen people say that if they were Carlos they would've killed TK by now. I've also seen people say that TK's biggest problem is that he doesn't appreciate how lucky he is. I have seen so much ableist and offensive language used that I can't even begin to talk about it here. It's not always just anger either. I've seen people just mocking him for certain behaviors that are completely consistent for someone who deals with addiction and mental illness. There are people in this fandom who relate to TK and the microaggressions towards them (and TK) don't get called out enough IMHO. And it's worth adding that a lot of the language that has been used towards TK has also been used towards Iris. I know people who actually had to step back or leave the fandom entirely after the Cooper episode. People who can relate to TK and tried to explain why he was acting like that and what Cooper's place in his life was were attacked. And it doesn't always just pertain to the show itself either. Even now during the hiatus, if someone talks about the impact Carlos has had on TK's life or what great care he takes of TK, they are accused of not caring about Carlos or favoring TK. But if the talk about how much TK has done for Carlos, they are accused also accused of favoring TK. It seems like not only is TK not allowed to be a vulnerable, complex character with lots of wonderful attributes, people in the fandom aren't allowed to love him either. Things from past episodes and seasons are constantly brought up as "proof" of how much TK sucks. Even Ronen has talked about how he feels people often misunderstand TK or ignore his struggles. In fact, he did it just this season in a post-4x04 interview. People kept saying they wanted TK to prove his love to Carlos by rescuing him (because I guess everything else wasn't enough) and when it did happen, they complain that it wasn't good enough. When TK was the one who needed support for the first time this season during the Huntington's arc, people mocked him for being over-dramatic. Then they said that TK had better have really great vows because he needed to match what Carlos said to prove his love. Then when we saw his vows, they now say that the vows weren't good enough and that TK wasn't emotional enough even though we can see him sniffling and hear his voice crack. Basically, even when TK does the things people insist he needs to do, it's still never going to be good enough. And when any comment about the way he is treated by certain people is brought up, it's often dismissed, downplayed or ignored and the people who actually relate to TK continue to feel unsafe and ignored when they try to speak out.

If there is one character that is literally never safe from the wrath of the fandom, it's Owen. Literally everything that Owen says, does, doesn't say or doesn't do is used as a reason for people to say he is the worst father or the worst captain. It's like people watch him from a completely different lens than they do all the other characters and somehow this lens doesn't show them any of the positive things about him. Much like Carlos, Iris and TK, so much of Owen's actions can be explained by his trauma and his experiences. This is a man who deals with the worst kind of survivor's guilt and has experienced unimaginable loss since he was a child. He has a son who struggles greatly with his mental health and addiction yet in that son's own words he has never given up on him. He is the one that brought all the characters we love together in the first place and so much of the happiness they have now is partly due to him. Yet somehow people ignore all this in favor of ripping into him every chance they get. He can't even talk about sex in front of his adult son who very clearly has no problem with it without people calling him a terrible father.

To be clear, I am absolutely not saying that the issues mentioned above represent the entire fandom. I can honestly say that being a part of the LS fandom is more pleasant than any other fandom I have ever been in. But like all fandoms, and indeed like real life, there are issues that I think should be addressed even if the ones causing them are in the minority. Because the problem is that it doesn't matter how small the minority is when they're the loudest of the bunch. And sometimes it really does seem like the loud minority drowns out the majority who are just trying to have civil discussions and enjoy being a part of a fandom and that should never happen because fandom should be a place we can all feel safe.

#911 on fox #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #owen strand #iris blake #rafael silva #ronen rubinstein

[oneshortdamnfuse]

Movie criticisms are generally fine and an important part of the ecosystem, but some of the criticisms of the RWRB film are so funny. Here's some I ran into:

Why did Henry - the one with more experience - bottom, when I headcanon Book!Henry as a top? (Not the top and bottom discourse 💀)

Henry gave Alex a blow job while wearing a suit and tie which is "unrealistic." (Ah, but the U.S. president's son falling in love with the prince of England is so realistic)

Book!Alex and Book!Henry met at the Rio Olympics in 2016! Why did they change it to the Melbourne Climate Conference. (My dear, that is seven years ago and Alex's mom wouldn't have been president then)

They're the straightest actors with no chemistry! (Let's stop speculating on actors' identities, even if they say they're straight. I've lived through multiple actors being outed and/or questioned when they play queer roles. This movie was made by a queer man and the queer love scenes were carefully put together by an intimacy coordinator. Like... Be for real.)

*Disclaimer: I haven't read the book. My friend did, and we watched the movie together. She loved it.

Along with people not understanding why this movie got an R-rating (which I've explained can be attributed to the fact that this movie and the book were made by and for adults), I think people can't cope with queer media being allowed to be over the top and silly. It's a fun movie. It's really no different in quality than any other romantic dramedy I've ever seen, and that's a good thing. It might not be your cup of tea and that's fine, but the kinds of things people are losing their minds over are just so so so unserious. I'm sorry Henry taking dick ruined your fantasy lmao

#rwrb film #rwrb

[yharnamsnewslug]

I do wanna point out that a lot of transmascs do expect to take T and have only a selective few male characteristics that... don't work like they want?

It's okay to want to be a "pretty boy". Hell, I'd fucking love to be one, but it's so fucking funny to see people who have made fun and mocked men who lose hair, who can't grow a beard, who are fat, who have acne become one of these men, then sob and cry about it, because they had unrealistic expectations about hormones. And they can't let go of such white centric eastern beauty standards.

It just doesn't fit in my head that people want to become men but don't.... want to look like what men actually look like? When I started my transition, I never compared myself to these fucking models or actors, because I knew I couldn't look like them - very few people who have a lot of resources can look like them.

I'm balding. I'm losing hair at an increasing rate, looking down at my feet as I towel-dry my hair and there's a part of me that goes "oh gods" whenever that happens, but at the same time I look at myself in the mirror and I think, "Oh. I've got my father's hairline when he was my age." And I think of my dad, with the body hair I have and the same eyes as me and I just have to grin. Because I'm his son, and now I can tell.

I've acne. I've always had terrible acne! But it's come back with a vengeance and it hurts my face a lot - I know it'll pass. I've gone through it before, I can move from that. My beard is also very patchy and not very good, and I asked my dad about it. He told me he couldn't get a full beard until he turned 32. It made me smile. Because it means I will reach 32 to see it, when I didn't even know before if I'd get to 20.

So to any transmasculine people or trans men afraid to go on T or regretting going on T because it's making you not look like Harry Styles or whatever bottox-filled up fucking pop star that you've plastered on your wall........

Look at the men riding the bus. Not the screen. And try to understand that no trans person transitions to be beautiful. You transition to be happy with your fucking self.

HRT is not a cure for your self-esteem, it's a medical process to help you be happy and comfortable. So if you want people to see you as a man, you've to know what a real man actually looks like.

#this has to do with beauty standards #but like #all tiktok fucking transmascs i see on my timeline are like #i just want to be a pretty boy!!!!!! #youre 26 #youre not a boy youre a fully grown person #and that comes with aging #balding #wrinkles #spots #jesus christ its so frustrating

[zangtang]

I’ve dipped my foot into generating ai fatties but I can’t seem to get them as big as yours. I really want to explore the super extreme side of what ai is capable of. Do you have any tips for getting prompts that will generate massively/unrealistically/fantasy level fat men while also getting past their content filters?

"carrying his belly in a wheelbarrow" is very reliable, though you can't really pose it or anything for some reason "falling over" makes them bigger, "side view" and "washing a car/windows" seems to help, as does "enjoying a banquet" repetition and rephrasing the same thing may help, "very fat man with very large belly, [age/nationality/job] [doing something] with his extremely obese belly, belly sagging to ground, etc" - it doesn't seem to hurt at any rate "being carried on the back of a flatbed truck" can turn them into horrific lardvalanches but you don't get much control over it "handsome" seems to make them thinner, be wary of certain words (or even poses) that could be doing that to your results - certain clothing may do the same, try other words or leave them off entirely. you can specify hairstyles and ages to make them more handsome for example. I guess it stands to reason that if certain things make them inexplicably fat, other things may do the opposite, so do experiment a little if you can hope that was useful, do check out some of the guys i reblog cause i've probably forgotten things or am not up to date lol

[connyscomics]

Rain by Jocelyn C. DiDomenick 😺

Trans rep: 10/10

General enjoyment: 9/10

Age rating: 10+

Okay so I finally finished this one and... OHMYGODIMINLOVE. Rain is a webcomic with over 40 chapters (7 print volumes I think) and is seriously one of the best comics I've ever read. I could go on an on about all of the things I love about this one, but for yall's sanity as well as my own, I'm just going to talk about a couple things. Oh and a quick plot description: The comic follows a trans girl named rain as she attends a religious high school and meets other queer people. A lot of stuff happens in the many chapters of this comic, and it variously touches on pretty much everything that one might encounter as a young queer person, both positive and negative.

Okay, so the first highlight for me is the main character herself. I really like her character and as a young trans person navigating being transfem in high school I really connected with a lot of her story. In particular I appreciated the representation of a character who is mostly cis-passing BUT has to go to great lengths to make this happen (at least from the not-so-supportive people in her life). I feel like with trans rep you either get like people who have an uncharacteristically easy time passing or you have people who are portrayed as like a grotesque caricature of trans people (not to say that non-passing trans women are gross or that passing is needs the goal for everyone, but the visual of the like hyper-masculine figure with messy makeup and a dress isn't usually benign). Anyways, Rain is a great main character.

Another character I want to talk about is Ky/Kylie, they are genderfluid and in my opinion done really well. I honestly related to their character a lot because even though I'm technically not genderfluid, I have very fluid desires as far as presenting. I Ky/Kylie starts out not really understanding their own identity and just being like "idk I'm a girl but sometimes I dress up like a guy" and then as the story progresses becomes more confident in their identity as a genderfluid person. The story also considers the struggles of dating for genderfluid people, with a love interest liking them more for one gender identity than another but eventually growing to understand that he can't pick and choose which gender identity he wants Ky/Kylie to have at any moment.

I should probably wrap this up before I start going into every character I love. In general, what makes this story so great is that there is a character for pretty much anyone to connect with (yes, even cishet allies), and all of the characters are done pretty well. I do have a couple minor considerations though. First, the author changed a lot as a person while writing this (I mean she started writing in 2010 and finished literally this year) so the beginning of the comic is definitely a bit outdated with some of its narratives. Though, I think it ends up working out because it generally reads as the characters learning and developing as people, which is something that comics don't always show because of a fear of saying things that are now seen as insensitive. The only other thing is that there are kind a disproportionate number of queer people in Rains community, which at times feels a bit unrealistic given that shes literally at a catholic school, but honestly I can't complain that much cause all of the characters are so much fun!!! Sorry for the extra long review yall, I just had so much to say about this one! 😺

#rain #rain comic #comic review #comics #media review #trans #transgender #transfem #transmasc #genderfluid #queer #queer comics #lesbians #gay #jocelyn c. DiDomenick #connyscomics #trans comics

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Only Friends Ep. 9:

1. For this ep, I just want Sand to run as far away as possible from Ray (although based on previous ep's preview, I know that wouldn't happen) 😔

2. I don't know, it's too unrealistic for Top to change that fast. I do think that he is just not used to losing anything, which is why he is trying hard to win Mew back. As for Mew, I guess it is also the first time that he was wrong about someone (although, I pretty much doubt that) especially when he prides himself of "knowing how to accurately read" people (see episodes 1 and 2). I still see these two people trying to prove to themselves that their sense of self is not entirely wrong.

3. I'm beginning to think that Sand is either a hopeless romantic or an effing masochist. Wtf. He already knows Ray is toxic. He KNOWS RAY WILL CONTINUE TO HURT HIM (and himself). If he has any self-respect, he will walk away.

4. <on videoing Ray making out with Sand) There's the Top I know.

5. I still don't know Atom's angle in this scene. I mean from being in a cis relationship then jumping straight to gay s*x. With Boston, of all people. Why? I don't think he is fuelled with plain ole curiosity. He practically seduced Boston (although let's face it, it doesn't take much to get Boston h*rny)

6. I think I can recognise Pisaeng's (BMF) campervan lol. Hurray, for Team Second Option! Get an effing move on, gods dammit. Well, at least Sand is aware he is a masochist lol 😅

7. Yo and Mew. Really, don't start relationships that you actually don't want. The fvck. 😑

8. I love Khaotung, but Ray. Ray is trash. At this point, he is using his pain as excuse to be a manipulative, little sh*t to everyone. Also, I guess Mew's brain has been addled badly with drugs and alcohol to believe that Ray's "the word love makes most sense with you" is anything but a confession of Ray's toxic dependency on him.

9. Frankly, I don't think these kids should have romantic relationships. Especially Ray. Ray should just stop dragging everyone to his personal hell.

10. Atom is acting like a possessive bf. AFTER AN EXPERIMENTAL ONE-NIGHT STAND. I can't believe I am siding with Boston in this argument 😂😂😂😂 but fvck, here we are.

11. Maybe Sand and Nick could try it as a couple. I mean, they are both decent people. Maybe they can work it out. 😅 <after 5 seconds> ooof, Nick read my mind lol. Too bad, the kiss started nothing 😅😅😅😅

12. I just want the mums to smack some sense into Mew. Maybe, it would also get rid some of his self-righteousness and feelings of moral superiority 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

13. No, Nick. You left Sand to be fed to a smug, manipulative wolf.

14. Can I push Ray in to that lake? Right now, I have a strong urge to drown Ray and leave his dead body in that mountain top. I mean, Ray is making Top looked good IN MY EYES. Pretty sure the mums prefer Top at this point too. The fvck.

15. Is it just me, or Dan just feels creepy? This show is triggering all my paranoid senses lol 😅😅😅 Also, Nick is not known for his good judgement, he lets his hormones lead the way.

16. Oh, Nick. You poor, crazy sod. Why are you still following Boston??? Your need for closure is driving me nuts. 😑

17. Waiiit. Is Boston actually regretful? Really? Boston? Or is the sight of Nick smiling with somebody else triggering him too?

18. Is this a premonition? Will Ray die at the end of this series? 🤔🤔🤔 I mean, Ray is perpertually high, drunk, and destructive. Pretty sure he is heading to an early death at this rate.

19. Ah, Sand. You really should stop sticking your d*ck in crazy.

20. Ray, Mew looks okay even though you technically cheated on him. Should be your cue to understanding that only you thought you were boyfriends. Mew just needed a rebound.

21. Ngl, I was expecting Mixx in that elevator, not Mond! What is he doing here anyway? Is he another one of Top's exes???

We are almost at the finish line and I'm undecided who needs a sharp smack in the head the most lol. I guess, with Mew and Ray 'breaking up', there's a chance that Sand will not be a sad boy anymore. Although, I still have a strong urge to m*rder Ray after all was said and done.

I still don't know what Atom's deal is. It just seems so sudden that he is in "love" with Boston. Looks like Boston will do some self-reflection but why is Nick still there? I guess, the man just loves the hurt. Also, looks like Mond will play the ex, Boeing. I always thought it was gonna be Mixx.

Well, one thing's for sure — the show is about to get messier. I think Im'ma need to go to church now 😂😂😂😂

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #topmew #sandray #bostonnick #forcebook #firstkhao #neomark #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin

[aristocratic-otter]

Trope Grading

I've not been on Tumblr much, so this missed me, and it looks like a lot of fun. So thank you, @bazzybelle for the tag, I'm gonna give it a shot!

I'm not picky either, though I've got a few hard nos. But I can even put those aside for a really compelling story. For example, I'm driven away generally by MCD, but my two favorite fics right now, What's Left by @cutestkilla and The Mirrors that Hold Us by @artsyunderstudy both involve MCD, so clearly I don't hold to my principles that hard 😂

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: +6

Not my favorite, but one of my favorite previous ships was Grissom/Sara from CSI, which is a twenty year age gap, so clearly I'm not that bothered by it.

Codependency: +5

This doesn't bother me precisely, other than you see it a lot in fluff fics and established relationship fics, and neither of those is my jam.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +7

I like this generally, though if there's a power imbalance in the relationship it can be squicky. But if it's SnowBaz, it's a guaranteed angst-bringer, and I love the angst.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +8

I don't need this in my fics, but I do like it. Exploring how people are different from each other is fun!

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +10

Fuck yes

Friends with benefits: +8

This is lower because (especially with SnowBaz), I feel like it's unrealistic. They're so deep into each other that I don't feel like they'd ever settle for friendship. There are a few fics that have done it well, but it's just not as angsty, so I don't like it as much.

Sex to feelings: +10

It's hot, 'nuff said. And often angsty, which is brilliant. If you disagree, I challenge you to read Someone Wicked by @artsyunderstudy

Fake dating/relationship: +8

This can be good if it's handled in a fun way. I truly loved The Wedding Bet by @facewithoutheart and How To Avoid a Scandal by @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

Friends to lovers: +8

Just like Friends with benefits, I may enjoy this when it's done well, but I find it less exciting and realistic than enemies to lovers (at least in the Simon Snow fandom)

Found Family: +8

I like this, but not if it's the only point of the fic, because then it verges on fluff, which I don't enjoy.

Hurt/Comfort: +5

I don't mind this, but not if it's the whole point of the fic. I prefer more depth to the stories I read. But I never mind it being an aspect of a fic that has more than just that!

Love Triangle: +5

I don't feel one way or the other about this, but I'm guilty of using it to ramp up the angst when I write. I've liked plenty of fics with this trope though, and written quite a few myself!

Poly, open relationships: -5

This is my only negative! I think because I'm ace, and I can't imagine wanting MORE than one lover, I find it off-putting when I read it. I'll make an exception when the point is pure smut, but I prefer monogamy in my serious fics.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +5

This can be very good when it's done well, but mostly I find it's hard to do it in an original way.

Monsterfucking: +10

Duh.

Pregnancy: +10

So, this requires a little background. From the time I was a child, I'd tell myself stories to help me fall asleep at night. And without fail, sooner or later, a baby would happen in those stories. I don't know what deep psychology explains it, but I can say I love seeing how couples deal with the unexpected, and an unplanned but desired pregnancy fic is great for exploring that. So yes, given I'm entrenched in the Carry On fandom right now, I'm a diehard mpreg fan.

Second Chance: +0

My only zero, and this is because I fall solidly on the fence here. I love a fic where Simon and Baz never got together, but connect later on and fall in love. It's one of my favorite things. But I hate a fic where Simon and Baz were together, fell apart and then get back together. I guess it's because I can't handle break-up fics.

Slowburn: +10

I love angst and what's more frustrating and angsty than a slowburn?

Soulmates: +10

Odd as it seems for my science mind, I'm unapologetic when it comes to soulmate AUs. I love them all.

Tagging (again, haven't been on Tumblr much, so feel free to ignore if you've done this): @artsyunderstudy, @annabellelux, @bookish-bogwitch, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @facewithoutheart, @giishu, @hushed-chorus, @ionlydrinkhotwater, @ileadacharmedlife, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists, @krisrix, @larkral, @messofthejess, @moodandmist, @prettylightsbigcity, @penpanoply, @raenestee, @theearlgreymage, @stardustasincocaine, @tea-brigade, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

#tag game #favorite tropes

[rulerzreachf4n7]

I hate how people who don't ship Huntlow make it like this extremely stupid and unnecessary ship that makes zero sense and everything about it is terrible and it's forced and bland and overall a shitty ship

And today lady's and gentlemen, non binary folks in the back, is the day I prove them all wrong >:3!!!

A brief disclaimer, I am not nor do I consider myself a toxic shipper, I am just simply stating why the reasons don't make any sense in my eyes, so please don't come at me for my opinion

And with that let's get to the reasons!

Terrible first impression

Hunter got a crush on her too quickly

It's forced and rushed

No chemistry

Willow only serves Hunter for support

They're better off as friends

Okay so right off the bat if you've ever watched any episode containing Hunter and Willow you'd know all of these reasons are fucking stupid

Recently on my first post made on Tumblr was a TON ship rating, and some dumb fuck gave me attitude and said "girlie, have you ever been in the fandom?" And I was like thinking to myself, yes bitch ever since 2021, I don't really have time to respond to people in my inbox cause I'm not looking to fight with some bitch on the internet for my opinion, and I just went through their profile a bit and found a post either they made or reblogged about how Huntlow is supposedly "unrealistic" and I didn't even finish it due to how dumb the reasons were, which are the ones on the top that I remembered.

1. Terrible first impression

I actually hate it how they make it out that they met soooo terribly, cause if I remembered correctly in ASIAS how they met is Hunter being chased by puddles and Willow yanking him down with a vine, automatically making it so terrible and making her soooooo damn unlikeable, may i remind you this barley had an affect on Hunter, he was just scared and confused for like one second of the episode then just leaving Willow until he saw the pamphlet say "the best and the brightest" which lead him to join the Emerald Entrails, yet again, sure, their first encounter isn't a good one but Lumity's first impression was by Amity deadass shaking Luz back and forth, both equally terrible first impression yet the both ships still come to be canon >:3

2. Hunter had a crush on Willow the moment they met/too easily

I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE THIS REASON, they keep on overexaggerating their interactions, cause first of all, no, he didn't develop a crush on Willow on the spot, most likely in between Reaching Out and Kings tide, although Hunter isn't in Reaching Out he's only shown talking to Luz through Penstegram, and how they think Hunter already had a crush is by, I'm assuming, in ASIAS in the ending where Hunter saves the Emerald Entrails and Willow says "cmon guys, we need to find a replacement, after all, it's only 52 weeks before Caleb's next day off" while smiling, and Hunter blushes slightly, automatically that's a red flag cause I absolutely hate it when people think blushing is only exclusive to romantic attraction, IT'S GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES, the most realistic reason to why he'd blush is he was probably embarrassed/flustered that Willow would still let him be in the team after nearly kidnapping them to be in the Emperor's Coven.

3. It's forced/rushed

Omg, y'all, you can uncancel your show now!! NO YOU DUMB FUCK YOU CAN'T, SORRY POOKIE DANA CAN'T BE MAKING EVERY EPISODE ABOUT HUNTLOW IF YOU WANT IT TO BE MORE NATURAL SO DAMN BADLY, it's not rushed, in my opinion it's not rushed at all, with how much time skips there are (like the one in TTT, the four year time skips, and the one with Hunter and Willow chatting on Penstegram) it's kinda up to the viewers imagination to realize it's a lot of time they'd have together, and it's not forced, that's the equivalent to you saying gustholomule and aladarius and veesha are forced ships cause they don't interact much together, and like half of the TOH community who don't ship Huntlow and use that excuse most likely ship one of those three ships, fucking hypocrites 🖕

4. No chemistry

Y know maybe, JUST MAYBE, I might be pulling out every damn interaction that they have together...yeah...IMA DO IT BITCH!!!!

They're first interaction is in Any Sport In a Storm where Hunter is pulled down by vines by Willow after he got chased by Puddles, Viney's pet...? I think it's a pet, she calls him an assistant though lol. Hunter uses the fake persona, with the help of Flapjack, (and may he slay in peace with Caleb and Evelyn) of Caleb Jasper Bloodwilliams, Hunter isn't interested in flyer derby until it says it'll attract the best and the brightest, they go on to talk about it for a few seconds, then leave

This isn't a really romantic interaction, more just letting these two characters interact for the first time

A while passes and Hunter shows of his cool as fuck flying skills as Gus and Willow hand out pamphlets to the crowds of teens, as Hunter finishes Willow introduces him to the team, Gus, Viney, Skara, and Willow as herself, Hunter is obviously disappointed given they look like they don't have any experience, leading him to walk away and argue with Willow, calling them loosers, and calling himself a half a witch

THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! people tend to misunderstand this part, mainly because Hunter isn't a witch he's a grimwalker, but may I remind you this was made before Hollow Mind, he's convinced he's a powerless witch and not good enough LIKE WILLOW, IT DOES NOT HAVE ANY THING REMOTELY TO DO WITH BEING ROMANTIC, IT'S A SIMILARLY!!!

They go on to do the game and obviously win it because of Hunter, and in the part where he was grabbing the flags from Willow people said that he supposedly "wanted to hold hands with her" which is obviously not even true, there's nothing to back this up, and coming from Huntlow shippers too, thought y'all were better than this

Then Hunter goes on to say he misunderstood them and apologized, then to revealing himself as the Golden Guard and the scouts coming to take them away, which leaves Willow to realize she made a mistake

When she's in the cell she says she's made a mistake and calls herself "half a witch Willow" for letting Hunter onto the team

Hunter is obviously regretting this decision while talking to Steve, Steve saying "Steve is beginning to regret his choices" and Hunter says "I think Hunter is too", which he gets on Flapjack to try and save all of them

He stands in front of the team and admits to Darius that they're unfit for the coven and that HUNTER HIMSELF isn't worthy of being the Golden Guard, (now realizing how fucked up that is oh my Titan), Hunter let's Willow and the rest go, which Willow says "cmon guys, we need to find a replacement, after all, it's only 52 weeks before Caleb's next day off" and Hunter blushes slightly

This interaction isn't really much romantic other than Hunter saving Willow and the rest

They're next interaction is Labyrinth Runners where Hunter and Gus meet the illusion of Willow, but Hunter obviously knows this isn't here by first of all, calling Gus "Augustus", and the weird little noise she made at the end (idk wtf it's even called) Hunter knows it's not her because of the way the scout acts, Hunters known Willow for at least a few weeks depending how regularly Hunter texts Willow and when he first started to chat,

Hunter then goes unconscious by the guards and wakes up in the Healing Homeroom, explaining to principle Bump that he's not with the Emperor's coven, talking about the sandwich Gus gave him, showing him around hexside and trying to find the others, and most importantly the breathing technique Willow showed Gus in the beginning of Labyrinth Runners, immediately cutting off Hunter and convincing Bump to let Hunter stay

This interaction could possibly be romantic if you interpret that way by Hunter knowing Willow seemingly very well, kinda like a strangers to friends to lovers typa troupe

Their next interaction is in Clouds on the Horizon, although not talking they show extreme care for one another, while under Gus' spell, Hunter (looking like Luz) tackles Willow to the ground with his dashing powers to save Willow, also when Luz (looking like Hunter) gets captured by Kiki. She's enraged and darting at Kiki but that stupid bitch hid behind Luz forcing Willow to stop, as Luz gets captured Willow is in a rush, panic, and hurry to save Hunter, or so she thinks it's Hunter

No, just because it's not Hunter doesn't mean she doesn't care, she thought it was him, and by her actions she cares along about him! Which makes this possibly or already romantic, they're care for each other is a romantic aspect that could be easily be seen in any type of relationship, whether it be fictional or not

The next interaction is in Thanks to Them, Willow cuts Hunters hair, Hunter is flustered s bit and blushing at Willow, a common sign for CRUSHES IN PEOPLE, they tend to be nervous or anxious around the people they like, so this interaction just reeks of romance, when they're gonna search town Hunter gets in a Cosmic Frontier cosplay, which Willow shuts Amity the fuck up, complimenting Hunter on his outfit, implying she doesn't see anything wrong with it, before they leave Willow says after Hunters done reading Cosmic Frontier she'd like to borrow and read it, making Hunter blush, a sign of having a crush with the context of the moment

Then at the end of Thanks to them after the possession Hunter let's Willow craddle his head, obviously in need of some type if comfort

Not really romantic just fucking sad cause Flapjack died, and may he slay in peace

The next interaction is in FTF where Willow tries to find her dads and Hunter has to take her away or get risked by getting seen by the collector and turned into a puppet

Not much to say other than Hunter doesn't want Willow to get hurt and get collected

When they're in hexside Willow hands Hunter a flyer derby card with him and Flapjack, since Hunter is now showing more strong emotions he's not sure how to react to it, even though he's thankful, which leads Willow to thinking she made Hunter sad and left in a hurry, leading to her breakdown

As Hunter hears Willow self deprecate on herself by saying she's a half a witch and can't control her magic, Hunter immediately snaps and uses his Flapjack powers to cut through the vines and comfort Willow, LEGITIMATELY SAYING HE CARES ABOUT WILLOW, NOT JUST GUS, WILLOW, and saving them both from the cave thingy, dunno what it is

This whole scene reeks of romance and that both Willow and Hunter care deeply about each other, WHICH IS MOST COMMONLY ROOTED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Willow also says in the end of FTF whole doing the little pinky holding with Hunter "Thanks Hunter, you mean a lot to me too" which Hunter replies "Sure...no problem"

And that my friends, is all of their interactions

NOW THE NEXT FUCKING REASON DAMMIT I HAVE SO MUCH TO TYPE

5. Willows only there to be a supportive character

That's...thats literally her fucking personality, granted not her whole personality but it consists of her being the reliable friend for the hexsquad, the group wouldn't exist without her, and she's not just here for "comfort" but this is about Huntlow and not Willow so you can do that analysis on your own time XD

6. They're better off as friends

Well...if you just read my whole entire analysis of they're interactions then no...I don't think they'd be better off as friends... 0_0

AND THAT IS IT MY LADY'S AND GENTLEMEN, NON BINARY FOLKS IN THE BACK YOU TOO, I AM FUCKING TIRED Y'ALL 😭😭😭💀💀💀

#the owl house #toh #huntlow #my posts:3