#I hope I made some people atleast a little sad :)

[glowsticks-soda-and-magic]

Blood soaked hands

As promised, as angsty one shot! I know the poll is still going but I was bored. Anyway have some Cassidy and Claire! Ft: Pollux. This is set mostly in the Battle of Manhattan. This hasn't been proof read, I made AI do the editing cuz I have somewhere to be. Trigger warnings for: Blood, violence, death, slight self harm

Cassidy scrubbed at their hands furiously. The red blood seemed to cling to them further, refusing to wash off. They choked back a panicked sob, trying to scrub even harder. Their nails dug into their skin, leaving scratches and cuts. They raked their hands across each other under the water, digging into their nail beds to get it all off. "Cassidy? Are you okay?" Pollux knocked on the bathroom door sharply. Cassidy jumped at the sound.

"Fine!" They called back, a note of panic in their voice. "It's—It's the stupid blood, it won't go away." They scratched against their hands with increasing fierceness as their breathing grew heavier. They couldn't stay holed up in this bathroom forever; there was a war raging outside, and they couldn't afford to waste any time. "Pollux! It's not coming off!" Cassidy called out, their voice shaky.

Why wouldn't it go? It should have vanished by now. Cassidy kept scrubbing and raking their hands vigorously. "Cassidy, there's nothing there," Pollux said, gently taking their hands as he stood next to them. Cassidy shook his head, confused. "Pollux, what are you talking about? It's still there. It's all still there.""Pol, there's no blood," Pollux said. Cassidy looked at him as if he were crazy, scratching their hands furiously. How could he not see it? "Pol—Pollux, let me go! I need to get it off. I can't go back out there until I get it off," Cassidy sobbed, trying to wrench their hands out of Pollux's grip.

"Cass, you're going to scratch your skin off," Pollux shook his head, his grip tightening. "Not my skin. Just the blood. I need to get rid of the blood, Pollux, please," Cassidy pleaded, trying to free his arms from his brother's hold. Pollux grabbed them again. "Cassidy, look at me. There is nothing there." Cassidy gazed helplessly into purple eyes.

[A few minutes prior]

Claire gazed into purple eyes. Her breathing grew shallower with every passing second. A bloody dagger lay embedded in her abdomen. Cassidy stared back down at her, his purple eyes wide with fear and horror at what he had just done. Trembling hands closed around the bloody dagger's decorated hilt.

Claire closed her eyes as Cassidy tugged it out. In the next few moments, she finally understood what people meant when they talked about their lives flashing before their eyes.

Claire was six, curling into her father's chest as he read to her softly, clinging to him with droopy eyes.

She was eleven and afraid, clinging to a stuffed dog as her father drove like a maniac. He'd forced her to pack all her things quickly and get into the car. He offered no explanation until now, when he told her about Greek gods and monsters.

She was still eleven when her father died. Their car was flipped over on the side of the road. She hid in the grass as the monster ripped him apart.

She was twelve when she found a new family, a small group of children who were just like her. Demigods, trying to survive the monsters and make it somewhere safe. The same safe place that her father had been trying to take her to.

She was thirteen, and her new family was gone. She stumbled through the alleyways, blood splattered across her face and clothes while she gripped a sword tightly. She glanced back, trying to spot the monster, but she seemed to have lost it. She sank down against the wall and cried. She cried for Bruce, the oldest at sixteen and the self-proclaimed leader, who claimed to be a son of Athena. He was kind and smart, always knowing the right thing to do. She cried for Aria, who was fifteen and the leader when Bruce wasn't around, a daughter of Aphrodite. She knew you better than you knew yourself, and she cried for Kacey, who was only ten, a daughter of Hypnos. She slept a lot and didn't talk at all, but she was the sweetest person Claire had ever met. She cried for Bruce's dog, Skye, who had been the first to die.

She was still thirteen when she met a weird kid in a cardboard box. Cassidy looked around her age, but he could barely talk or count or read. He didn't know his age either. He was small and too skinny, and his curly hair was an unkempt mess; it was clear he'd tried cutting it himself. The oddest things were his eyes, which were a bright violet color, and the various scars and bruises on him.

He carried a knife everywhere he went, and he liked to steal stuff, even if he didn't need them. Even if it were hers and he'd given it to her. He also couldn't stay away from soda for the life of him. Claire was surprised nobody had kidnapped him yet. Cassidy also had odd habits. Whenever Claire got mad at him, he flinched back and looked afraid, like she might hurt him. Then he seemed to realize he was the one with the knife, so he just hissed at her like a wild cat and scurried up to the nearest high place.

Befriending Cassidy came with benefits, however, as he helped her survive, and when a leopard had come to lead Cassidy to camp, Claire had come along. There they met an odd man who claimed to be Cassidy's father. And Claire's, but he wouldn't talk to her until she got him a bottle of wine. She almost had until Chiron stepped in. Turns out he was only Cassidy's father. She didn't mind; he seemed unpleasant, and Cassidy looked terribly afraid of him.

Claire moved into the Hermes cabin; Luke was pretty nice, he reminded her of Bruce. Ethan was nice too, as were the Stoll brothers. She got along well with Cassidy's siblings too.

Claire was fourteen, almost fifteen, when he came out to her as non-binary and bi. They were the same age when Claire first kissed him.

Claire was fifteen when it all went downhill. She knew she shouldn't. She knew Cassidy would never forgive her. She knew Cassidy would never understand. But Cassidy had a cabin and siblings and a father they actually saw often. With one last look back, Claire plunged into the Labyrinth with the intention of finding and then joining the Titan army. Weeks later, she faced him in battle for the first time. The betrayed look on Cassidy's face was one she would never forget. It hurt worse than Cassidy's sword might have.

Claire was still fifteen. A bright green mist caused by her powers surrounded her. She chanted loudly with every intention of bringing the building down on the other demigods. Her abilities kept them from fighting back. Each time they rose, she forced them to collapse in pain. A new demigod approached. Cassidy. Claire hesitated. She couldn't hurt him. A dagger pierced her, and she fell to the ground in Cassidy's arms. The blood from her wound flowed freely, coating his hands in red. The dagger was dislodged from her abdomen. Claire inhaled for the final time as the clock struck midnight.

Claire Lewis was sixteen when she died. She stared up unblinkingly and limp, unaware of the demigods who struggled to their feet around her. Unaware of the way Cassidy cradled her body in their arms and sobbed until they were forced away from it. Unaware of the way Cassidy would spend the next half an hour crying and trying to scratch his own skin off in order to rid himself of the feeling of her blood on his hands. Unaware of the way he would never be able to look at his own hands again without seeing her blood or close his eyes without being reminded of her unblinking face staring up at him. She was completely and blissfully unaware as Thanatos collected her soul.

#cassidy raven chaos #claire lewis speaks #Haha angst go brrrr #This was so much fun! #I hope I made some people atleast a little sad :) #percy jackson oc #percy jackson rp #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #ocs #riordanverse #riordanverse oc #titan army #daughter of hecate #child of dionysus #writing #angst

[iateyourparents]

hello! could you write johnnie guilbert fluff? maybe a scenario where him and fem!reader are spending a day together (filming a video, doing random stuff) just being two people in love and jake and tara tease them and call them a married couple

deaf, mute and blind | j.g.

pairing: johnnie guilbert x fem!reader

summary: you, johnnie and jake are recording a new challenge video.

warnings: use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry but english isn’t my first language)

an: hi, thank you <33 hope you like it!

pictures are from pinterest :)

“Hi guys, it’s me, Tara, and today I’m here with Jake, y/n and Johnnie.” Tara introduced you and you all waved to the camera.

“Hi!” you greeted her viewers.

“Today I’m gonna torture my guests… No, but I wish.” she pouted and you all laughed “Today, my guests will be playing into deaf, mute and blind but…they will have many challenges and quests to do throughout the day. But they main goal is to do shopping and bake me cookies! Any words guys?”

“I hope I get deaf, cause I don’t think I can go much longer with them talking.” you rolled your eyes looking at Jake and your boyfriend.

“Hey!” Johnnie gasped pretending to be offended, placing hand on his chest “That hurt love.”

You only rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the smile that was forcing its way onto your face.

“Alright, so now they will draw sticks and get to know what senses will be taken from them!” Tara showed her viewers three sticks and then she turned to you “Ladies first.”

You took the one in the middle and immediately looked at written words.

“Yeah! I’m deaf today!” You did a little winning dance. Next one choosing stick was Johnnie and he got mute.

“Oh, so I will be blind.” Jake stated “That’s good actually, at least I don’t have to look at your ugly faces.” he smirked and you laughed.

Tara handed you all your things - blindfold for Jake, duck tape for Johnnie and earphones for you.

“Let me also add, that the person who won’t do the most of their mini challenges, has to take a cold shower on the street!” Tara smiled mischievously.

“Is this enough to charge her with domestic abuse?” Jake asked kind of scared.

When everyone was ready Tara started talking to the camera and you could only guess she was explaining to people what you gonna do and not long later Johnnie took your hand to let you know you were going out. You both helped blindfolded Jake to the car and Tara drove you to the nearest store.

She turned on the camera and pointed it at you and Johnnie. You didn’t see anyone talking so you decided to speak “I think Tara already told you guys but we’re making cookies so now we have to find all of the needed ingredients.” you informed and Tara pointed the camera to Johnnie who was gesturing towards some alley. He took your hand and started dragging you there with Tara going behind you but you suddenly stopped, remembering something.

You quickly turned around and jogged to Jake to walk him to Johnnie and Tara. He said something that made Tara laugh and Johnnie’s arms shudder in a silent laugh.

You really started to regret wanting to be deaf one, because not hearing anything yet seeing it, made you frustrated. Also, not hearing Johnnie made you kinda sad. But atleast you listened to your favorite songs.

You all went to grocery alley where Jake gave you his phone so you and Johnnie could find all ingredients for cookies.

Tara was pointing the camera on you all the time and you decided to speak from time to time in case she and Jake weren’t saying anything.

“So we will be doing chocolate chip cookies. Or rather we will be trying to instruct Jake to do it without hurting himself or poisoning us.” you felt a light push on your shoulder and you laughed seeing how Jake was struggling with trying to not miss your form while hitting.

Johnnie swatted Jake’s hand when he tried to hit your shoulder again and side hugged you while looking for flour.

“Johnnie, we need flour for cakes, this one is for bread.” you told him and he gave you a ‘what the hell’ face and you knew that if he could talk and you hear, he would be asking about the difference.

“Alright, I think we got everything.” you stated when you found everything and you all went to cashier’s stands where everyone was looking at you like at idiots, but that wasn’t anything new with Johnnie and Jake.

Tara quickly paid when it was yours turn and you and Johnnie walked Jake to the car.

When you were at home you quickly started to prepare kitchen for your baking.

Suddenly, you felt someone tugging gently at your arm and you saw Johnnie pointing ahead of you. You saw Tara pointing the camera at you all and you took it as a clue to start talking.

“Alright, so now we will be trying to instruct Jake how to make cookie dough, wish us luck!” you smiled sarcastically.

You somehow were cooperating well, Johnnie was showing you the recipe and you were reading it for Jake who then with your and yours boyfriend help were making most of the work.

When cookies were in the oven you didn’t have anything better to do so you sat on the floor in front of the oven and you were just looking at the cookies.

Some time later Johnnie joined you, sitting next to you and placing his head on your shoulder. You hugged him into your side and he gladly snuggled into you, kissing your shoulder.

You sat there for a few minutes, when Tara came to you with a camera and some bowl and told something to Johnnie and then showed you her phone, where she wrote in the notes that now you will be doing random challenges before you could take the cookies out from the oven. It would decide who is the loser of the video.

You all stood in the living room and Tara came to you with the bowl and you took one piece of paper.

“I’ve got ‘activity without your sense’” you read it for them and viewers out loud and then showed the piece of paper to the camera.

Moment later Tara gave you another paper, which turned out to be an instruction what your activity was.

“So I have to call a random contact and try to have normal conversation with that person. That will be hard.” you sighed “Can Johnnie and Jake help me? Like by gesturing?” You looked at Tara and she only nodded.

You looked at the camera and smiled “I’m actually kinda scared that they will gesturing wrong things and I will make a fool of myself.” you laughed and you could see Tara snorting.

Your challenges were done, it wasn’t that bad or at least you were hoping so.

Then you took the cookies out of the oven and tried them when they weren’t hot. They were really good.

“Teamwork makes a dream work, i guess.” you smiled at the camera.

Then you could finally take off the earphones and you were never as grateful for hearing Jake and Johnnie as now.

“God, it’s so good to hear people again. I missed your voice.” you told Johnnie who smiled widely at you and kissed your cheek.

“I’m glad to see again, but I’m scared of how many bruises I’ve got today.” Jake laughed while still trying to get use to the light in the room.

“Alright guys, they made it.” Tara smiled at the camera “I can’t with how cute y/n and Johnnie were today. Literally goals. You were like and old married couple.” she giggled and you smiled.

“So, who’s the loser?” Jake asked after few minutes.

“You Jake.” You laughed “You didn’t do any of your challenges correctly.”

“That’s true.” Tara smirked “You will do your punishment later.”

You stopped recording for some time so Tara could get all of the needed things for Jake’s punishment, so you and Johnnie went to sit on the couch while hugging.

“I really missed your voice today.” you admitted again quietly.

“And I missed talking to you.” he smiled “And kissing you.” he kissed you.

#johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert #johnnie #jake webber #tara yummy #tarayummy #sam and colby #snc #colby brock #sam golbach #deaf mute and blind

[totally-not-a-tickle-blog]

If you’re open to fic prompts: maybe Angel finding out Husk is ticklish when he helps him preen his wings? Currently on HuskerDust brain rot :’)

A/N: It's been a long time since I've written anything like a fic so I'm sorry if it come out bad 💔💔

HOPE YOU ENJOY!!

PS: Reblogs and comments motivate writers; not forcing but just in case you're willing to support us :] /gen

————————————————————————

"Not that ticklish"

Ler!AngelDust, Lee!Husk

Warnings: Swearing, suggestive jokes, Huskerdust

————————————————————————

Husk had a thing for his demon body and he's 100% aware of that. He ignored it as much as possible, trying to live like if he's still fully human with just a few changes, but with time he realized that perhaps... it was inevitable. At some point he had to do things that people weren't supposed to do, such as brush his fur or take care of his wings.

However, nowadays at the hotel, Husk avoided doing any of those since he's not alone like he used to be. The guy REALLY refused to be caught doing any of those embarassing things (they are for him atleast), and with people like Angel Dust in this place, he would not be left alone. Not like peace was an option at the first place, but it would get worse.

One week with doing basic hygiene only. Brushing his teeth, taking baths, brushing the top of his head, maybe cleaning his ears too. Nothing else.

At some point the consequences would come, and for his unluck, his fur was the first of them. Just using his hand wasn't really enough to keep it in place; the obvious consequence, yet a big defeat for Husk. Well, if one humiliation was about to come, doing the rest wouldn't really change anything.

"Whiskers~" Angel Dust called, approaching the counter without even looking as he sits. "Can you give some attention for the little me while everyone is busy?" But, as he opened his eyes, nobody was there.

"Oh, that's new." The spider spoke to himself, letting out a sigh of disappointment as he get off his seat.

His smirk disappeared, finally relaxing his face and revealing the honest expression of his: tiredness. Everything that Angel wanted right now was to distract himself, so the sigh had way more than disappointment.

...but his sadness did not last.

"FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

Was the only thing he heard from upstairs, immediately recognizing the cat's voice. Angel would be lying if he said it didn't worry him, which was the same reason why he walked after Husk right away.

And also the reason why there was no knocks before a giant spider basically kicked the door open.

It made Husk jump right away, almost falling on his feet. "What the... what the hell? What was that for?!"

Aaand literally nothing is happening. A bit disappointing, but at the same time relieving.

Maybe nobody died, but something was different. Angel looked at him up and down with a raised eyebrow, silent.

One of Husk's wings was open, it seemed cleaner than the other and a few feathers were on the floor.

An awkward silence dominated the room for some good seconds until Angel finally interrupted it.

"You clean your wings??"

Husk pinched his nose almost instantely. "Preen." He replied with a frown, closing his wing once again.

"Yeah, yeah, whateva'. That's kinda adorable if you ask me..."

"Good thing I didn't. You leaving now?"

Angel closing the door was everything he needed to do as an answer, approaching Husk's bed with a smirk.

"C'mon, lemme help!"

It made Husk's eyes open a little more, creating some more inches of distance between them. "No way."

"And why not? It's not like you can do it all by yourself!" The raise of an eyebrow with a bored face was the answer he got; ignored completely, of course. "Ya' know I ain't leaving anyway."

He does know, he's just sure. This stubborn spider is one to talk about when it comes to not giving up over Husk.

"Mess up one single feather and I'm kicking you out. Permanently." He says, pointing at Angel directly in the face with a sharpened gaze. The other simply nodded, wearing a big playful grin. "Understood, Husky!"

As much it was nice to have some help, it also means teaching Angel how to take care of them, and he's for sure not the best example of a teacher. This, mixed with Angel's lack of knowledge about birds overall, really didn't help.

"—And then you pull it slowly." Husk finished, watching Angel do exactly what he was told to do. Despite anything, the guy seems to be actually trying. "Yeah, like that... uh, kind of. You don't need to take a whole day to do that."

"I'm just being careful, babe! Besides, I'm not gonna risk being banned from your room~"

Husk rolled his eyes. "Just go faster." As he couldn't lose the chance, Angel raised his eyebrows in a mocking yet flirtatious way before finally returning to what he was doing. I mean, he asked for that one!

Angel indeed began to take care of the wing faster, but it also meant making his fingers a bit less quiet too. It began to turn into a problem as soon as he used them to search for anything dirty, scratching lightly. Husk's unintentional movements got Angel's eyes.

'Does it hurt? No, I don't think he wouldn't complain if it did... huh. That's weird.' He thinks to himself, resting his hand there for a moment.

"What got ya' to be moving so much, Husky?" Asked, hiding his slight concern but not his curiosity.

"Nothing, it just... tickles. A little." Answered, a little embarassed but still honest. For some reason it was quite interesting... and cute. Won't lie.

"Didn't knew that wings could be ticklish. Or just... you."

"What do you mean?"

Angel chuckled at the question. "It's just surprising that our grumpy, annoyed and sexy bartender would be so ticklish!" Husk gave him a bad stare, afraid that he was being mocked; even tho it wasn't exactly the case.

"Now you're just making up things, I'm not that ticklish."

"Ohoho, really? Then how could you be all squirmy with only a few touches?"

"It's a... uh..." He looked around, trying to find a good excuse. "...wings, thing. You don't get it, you don't have 'em."

An awful excuse, and to be honest, not even if it was the perfect one it would trick Angel.

"If that's the case then lemme test it in another spot."

Not even ten seconds in, and Angel was already wiggling his fingers in the air, his huge grin expressing a 'dangerous' excitement over the situation.

"Don't you fucking dare..."

A pause between the two. Almost a staring contest by how intense they were looking at each other.

"...GOTCHA'!"

With the war cry yelled out, he jumped towards Husk, who would be able to escape if it wasn't for Angel's additional arms. Goddammit.

Husk tried to get something off his mouth, but literally nothing, not a single sentence was able to form. Just a bunch of gibberish, which entertained the spider quite a lot. However, he wasn't there just for the teasing.

The messed words were cut with a gasp as he felt fingers moving on his sides, already squirming to get out as a body's response. The cat-demon tried to resist, but failed miserably as his giggles dominated completely.

"Fuhuhuck- get off!"

"Hmm... I'll think about it, Whiskers." His fingers, despite fast, did not seem to put that much pressure over Husk's skin. "Just gimme a moment, okay?"

Angel used his free arms to put a hand over his chin, looking up playfully as if actually reflecting on his answer.

"F-FahahaHAHahah! That- that mohoment already passehehed!"

"Hey, you broke my line of thought! Now I gotta start it all over! Huh, what was the question again?"

Husk tried putting on a serious face, only for it to break instantely. "Du-Dumbahahahass!"

"That's not a question." Replied, keeping his teasy remarks in day.

It felt indeed a bit humiliating to be in a position like this, being tickled by the same guy who drives you nuts almot everyday. Unable to do pretty much anything but giggle, and squirm, and... just... not think about anything.

This isn't as bad as it looked like. Right, still embarassing, but not exactly the uncomfortable type of embarassing. It's such a mix of emotions, and at the same time he got nothing on his mind, his head was filled with this type of thing.

And once again, his own body betrayed him. As time passes, a soft purr can be heard between his laughter, not really under his control.

Angel raised his eyebrow almost right away.

"I can hear it..."

"You cahahan't! Shut uhuhup!"

"Pfft- not really using your brain now, are ya'?" He added, tilting his head and moving his hands to Husk's ribs now. "Not like you really caaaan~"

"S-SHIHIHIT!"

The volume of Husk's noises increasing got him startled for a moment, but it quickly went away as he saw some wings flapping lightly.

"C-CA- HAHEHEH- HOW ARE YOHOU DOING THAHAHAT?! STOHOHOP!"

"Me? I'm just really good with my fingers... and you're like, really ticklish. Duh."

Sadly, the fun would come to an end, as the lee's breath was already giving up on him along with the stamina. Now, pushing once more, he put actual effort on it, almost making Angel get thrown off the bed.

"OKAY, OKAHAY, ENOUGH! ENOHOUGH!!"

The energetic fingers finally lost its pace, giving his poor body full of fur some peace. Okay, maybe a last poke only for the tease, but then that's it.

"He-Hey!"

"Oopsie!~" He let out, along with a silly wink. "Sooo? Still not 'that ticklish'? Cuz I don't think I don't got sides and ribs..."

Husk couldn't help but chuckle. "You digged your own grave. Hope you know that, dickhead."

Angel Dust's teasy smile softened, blinking once before leaning back.

"Yeah, I do."

He really hoped they would continue with whatever they began.

#tickling #tickle #tickle community #tickle fanfic #tickle fic #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel husker #huskerdust #angel dust x husk #husk x angel dust #lee!husk #ler!angeldust

[444you]

ways i maintain a cozy life 🦋

i hope you guys can find something in this post that could be helpful(:

heating blankets

provides me so much comfort & warmth. i have it on the entire day 😭 either on low or high, no inbetween

music

i personalized made my own playlist, i put the most whimsical and feminine music i could find. i recommend to listening to comforting songs as well, but not the ones that make you feel a bit sad

baking

always at my happiest when i bake

comfort shows

the shows i tend to watch are pretty little liars, girlfriends, desperate housewives, gossip girl, the vampire diaries, bad girls club, sex and the city

however sometimes the drama can get to me, if it’s too much. i forget i’m not in the show sometimes. for those moments, i’ll put shows like h2o, the summer i turned pretty, barbie life in the dreamhouse, and new girl on.

showers before sleep

i feel so relaxed in water. this includes swimming, showers, beach, pools, and etc. it provides me a great amount of comfort and sleepiness. this helps me sleep better than usual

taco bell

isn’t always the healthiest but if i need some comfort or i’m just feel down, i’ll get a cravings box from taco bell

visuals

put things in ur room that make you feel at peace especially if you’re a homebody. this is important if you spend most of your time in your room. for me, i always loved baking as i previously mentioned. so i’d get a diffuser with gourmet scents. fairy lights as well. cheetah print blankets.

rain

whenever it rains i’ll sit on the patio, put my headphones on and listen to music to recharge.

nostalgia apps

i tend to lead to games or apps that give me nostalgia. this includes wattpad, tumblr, moviestarplanet, purple place (they got in the app store 🫶🏾) , roblox, or episode. 

public places

when it comes to going to the grocery store, mall, or coffee shop. i’ll go alone especially because i spend my time in my room. when the noise is too much, i’ll put my shows or music on. however, i try to go on a movie date with my friend atleast once or twice a month.

reminders

i’m a very optimistic person but i’m also very sensitive. when i encounter negative people or situations, i tend to get discouraged easily. i solve that by watching “hopecore” or “humans are cute” videos on tiktok. i always try not to feed into my sadness by looking at videos about being mistreated or an ex. i search for videos that talk about having a big heart is a gift. how the right one will come to me. honestly for any situation you’re in.

just dance

y’all don’t come for me. just dance is my holy grail. it’s fun and its my way of doing “cardio”

naps

i try to nap after work or classes before i tend to get low energy. i don’t nap more than 2 hours, that way i feel more refreshed instead of drained.

#pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot cards #tarot #pink pilates princess #it girl #self care #self love

[kennysboxergf]

Hello Darling, hope you're doing well ❤️‍🩹 Could you write something about Niko and reader fighting and reader is so mad that she's giving him the silent treatment and Niko is so sad and needy because he hatessss it :(<3

Talk to Me ~ Niko Omilana

“Babe?” Niko called out. His words echoed through your apartment as you refused to reply.

His voice dug into your skull like an electric drill, irritating you more. 

He had left after a fight between the two of you had turned dirty to ‘give you some space’. Fucking bitch.

“Baby?” His voice rang out again, he was closer now.

And also more irritating apparently.

He walked into the room you were sitting looking like a lost puppy. You refused to give in to his charms. His big brown eyes and nurture d eyebrows couldn’t sway you.

He spotted you and a big boyish smile grew onto his face. His eyes lit up as he called out your name.

You crossed your arms. 

He tilted his head in confusion but the smile remained big on his face. He walks diver to sit down next to you on the couch.

The feeling of the couch dipping down caused you to get this irritating feeling down your back. One that no amount of scratching could get rid of. You furrowed your eyebrows and turned away from him.

His smile faltered behind your turned back and he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. You shrugged it off. 

“Y/n? Babe? Talk to me?” He said when you wouldn’t give him a response.

“Baby?” He tried again.

Your lips remained sealed. 

He got off of his seat to bend down in front of you so the two of your were in eye shot of each other again. 

You couldn’t bare to look into his eyes so you tried to look any where but him. 

He tried to move his head to meet where your eyes were looking but gave up. He sighed and looked up at the general direction of your face.

“Let’s not do this” he said, whispering it to maybe make it less douche baggy?

You huffed and reached for the remote sitting next to you. He kept looking at you with those big, brown eyes but you couldn’t give in, atleast not yet. You searched around YouTube for a while, anything to get your mind off the man next to you, pouting at staring into your soul to get you to look back. You hovered over one of his videos before clicking on an old Chunkz one just to add salt to the injury.

You heard a little gasp of offence come from your right which almost caused a little smile to pull through the mask you were putting on. Almost. You were still plenty pissed off, remembering some of the arguments he had made against you earlier.

You watched and laughed along with the video, Niko next to you looking more and more like a hurt puppy next to you throughout. He called out to you a few times but you ignored every “baby” and “I love you” that came from his mouth.

Your phone buzzed next to you and you looked at the caller ID. It was Sharky. He always read people very well, knowing when to avoid them if they were in a bad mood. Or comfort them, like now.

You picked up, “hey”

Niko couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation but he bathed in the sound of your voice again, even if it wasn’t directed at him. Every syllable felt like a warm palm holding his cheek but also the other hand stabbing him in the gut. He felt so bad about the fight and just wanted to explain himself but he hadn’t realised how much it affected you too.

And this was the worst kind of punishment, he could handle you yelling at him, even a few slaps and pushes of the chest but you ignoring him? Not listening to his pleas? That was torture, to say the least.

You talked away happily to Sharky, not noticing how Niko next to had this hands in between his thighs, staring into the floor deep in thought, biting his lip. His eyes were flirting back and forth as he fought with himself to find a way to talk to you. 

You only noticed him when he suddenly lifted himself off the couch and nearly ran to his room. You were worried for a second but a small “y/n?” From the phone brought you back to your conversation.

It had been around 15 minutes and you hung up with Sharky. Niko still wasn’t back so you shrugged to yourself and continued with you video. It had barely started when he came into the living room. 

You fought you initial instinct to look at him. You still wanted to talk to him but you also wanted to teach him a lesson, and tell him what he did was wrong.

Niko came around to you eyesight of his own. You tried to look away but gave in this once, looking him square in his eyes. To Niko the eye contact felt like warm sunlight on his back. 

He held up a little notebook, the first page said “I’m sorry”. You read it and tilted your head at him.

He flipped the page. “Please talk to me again” 

You looked away. A gentle hand on you knee brought your attention back.

The page was turned over again, now it read “I get that some of what I said was wrong can we please talk it out?”

You squinted your eyes at him, not sure this was enough to make you forgive him.

“Please, y/n, I can’t do this anymore” he flipped the page to reveal. That paired with his eyes looking up at you, slightly watery and wide was enough to make you break.

“Alright” you whispered softly into the room.

Niko closed his eyes and dropped his head like that was the greatest thing he had ever achieved.

“Alright, Niko, talk to me” you repeated.

You saying his name was the sweetest thing, the thing that brought peace to his entire being, and he jumped up to hug you.

You fell back onto the sofa with a shocked gasp. He started kissing all over your face and neck and chest and everywhere he could reach. You laughed, but whispered in his ear “get off, I’m still mad”

He pulled himself away, like a shy school boy, “sorry, let me explain myself”

You wouldn’t tell him right now but bai voice was also the most beatitude thing in the world to you, you wouldn’t know what you would do if you could never hear it again.

—

my bad it’s been so long baes it just too much school and my grades are dropping and it makes me sick to my stomach 😀

but I’ll try, hope this is alr for now

Tschüss <3

#beta squad #niko omilana #cute #niko x reader #niko x you

[lampadarietto]

hello!!!

can you please do william afton (from the movie tho) and the reader who is like 17 years old and works at the pizzeria? The reader has been working with him for some time and they agreed to the killing mike if he got too close thing that vanessa also had to agree to (the reader was in need of extra money and since William offered them money for it, they accepted)

There's one problem though: when mike is about to be killed from the torture freddy thing, the reader actually let's him go for some reason (can be up to you why they did that) and when William got springlocked, the reader didn't really care. (William saw the reader as his favorite employee and kind of like the second child he never really had.)

FEEL FREE TO NOT WRITE THIS REQUEST!!!!!!

MY

MY FIRST FNAF REQUEST!!!

SAW THE MOVIE YESTERDAY. tbh i don't get why people are so angry and dissappointed, I've been a fan since like 2014 and i loved the movie. i don't get why i saw some people saying "i didn't pay to watch them build a fort" it's like a 5 minute scene..Also mike was really relatable wtf

FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD AND ALSO MENTIONS OF MANIPULATION

★huh???? how did you even make william spare you?? congrats on that i guess!

★When you first started to work at Freddy Fazbear's as a security guard, "Raglan" was like a casual manager, he was funny sometimes.

★Maybe he saw something in you.

★Or maybe he just needed someone to help him with his dirty work besides Vanessa

★Either way, a year after you've worked at Freddy's, you discovered William's real identity and the things he did in the past.

★He offered you money to help him.

★Honestly? you could've gone to the police. But, serial killers 𝘢𝘳𝘦 scary and dangerous, so you just accepted. Plus you needed money.

★You trained the nightguards that were hired after you, not like they lasted more than two months anyway.

★William somehow became attached to you.

★Maybe it was how you worked, or maybe because you reminded him of Vanessa in some ways, who knows.

★He also gave you some things he got from the kids he killed. Like they were throphies. It was terrifying to look at that Freddy birthday hat before you threw it away.

★William is described as a manipulative, sadistic person so im not surprised if you got manipulated by this man one of multiple times.

★When Mike Schmidt got hired, William obviously talked to you about it.

★He gave you the usual 'dont let him discover thing / don't let him get close' thing, and he also revealed something to you.

★He killed this guy's little brother. Years ago, when he was still active as a child murderer.

★Okay so, that creeped you out. Alot.

★When Mike brought Abby at Freddy's, you kind of... changed your mind on the plan.

★This guy has a little sister, she'd probably be so sad without his big brother.

★So when he was about to get his face brutally by the torture Freddy mask, you let him go before activating the mask.

★You finally realized what a crazy man William afton is, so there's no reason to keep your loyalties to him anymore.

★When you helped Abby and Mike to make the animatronics remember the truth, he was super pissed at you.

★You were so obedient, why are you turning against him? He thought you were a good person!

★Seeing him get dragged to the kitchen made you feel... some relief. The 'i always come back' thing creeped you out, but atleast he's dead. maybe.

★On the other hand, William still had some hopes that maybe you would come rescue him from his painful demise.

★You're his favorite, so now you should be saving him!.... right?

★Unfortunately, you never came to rescue him.

★Now, he's bound to the yellow bonnie suit for the next thirthy years, waiting to come back.

#fnaf movie #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #x reader #william afton

[an-inspired-eternity]

talk about damon’s autism induced gifted kid syndrome in excruciating detail challenge go

HE’S SO. HE’S SO. HRGH.

damon acts like a pretentious prick, but unlike, say.. togami, (or even wenona, as an example to someone from damon’s home game), there’s hints that there’s more to it than just “being pretentious for the sake of being pretentious”. 

most obviously, damon desperately insists that his talent is important and special. that, plus the way damon talks of most everyone else’s talents, to me, really gives the impression that he grew up being told/thinking that he HAD to contribute to the world/society in order to have a place in it (and given that he also hadn’t heard of any of the other ultimates in his class, it’s possible he was very sheltered, too.)

(and we will come back to damon’s view of his talent and the importance of it.)

damon’s bio mentions also how socially isolated he was, that he’d argue back to anyone who tried to confront him and got used to the idea of being alone- and it shows with how he acts in the prologue. he’s so used to being alone that when he thinks he’s being isolated again he just accepts it. doesn’t fight back or try to do anything about it. 

but there’s still hints that, despite being used to it, he does desire company.

(a one-off line, but the impression it gives is.. a little sad, to say the least. i’ve kinda not made a post about it but this entire introduction with desmond made me desire for the two to be friends, to the point i wrote a fic about it.)

as for damon’s copium.. i think the prologue investigation is the best example, because talking to the other characters before he reaches the closet, he keeps insisting to them that the body’s just “a dummy, you don’t need to be so freaked out by it.”, which given that we’re told it was based on a real murder in-universe, does come off insensitive..

..until we see damon also trying to convince himself of that. even looking back over what the trinket tells them about the murder, he’s uncomfortable about reading what cara went through, and he has to keep himself from being physically ill when investigating the actual dummy. he’s scared. but he hides his discomfort behind a cool attitude.

coming back to damon’s attitude on his talent, the ending of the prologue.. really stuck out to me, for a number of reasons. the main one being.. god i have been in that position, not quite to that degree, but being in an argument and trying to explain my case, only to make it worse for myself? the rsd that comes from that sucks, and especially because for as much as damon made it worse, he was genuinely trying to help and believed he had the right idea. but also..

grace asks damon the big question, what makes him so special? what gives him the right to act the way he does? believing he’s so much more important than everyone else?

and that’s the thing, if damon truly believed without any doubt that his talent and he by extension was so special and important, he wouldn’t have faltered in his answer (even the voiceline for his response is the one where he stammers), he wouldn’t feel those words shaking his very being. 

damon has convinced himself that he’s important, that his talent shines above all the rest, because he’s scared of the alternative. he’s clung to his talent his entire life because it’s all he has. because he’s convinced that without his talent, he’s nothing. just some nobody in the crowd.  he’s dug himself into this hole because he doesn’t know any other alternative.

i really hope chapter 1 lets us see damon be more vulnerable, take away atleast some of that wall he hides behind, most importantly i hope that damon doesn’t actually end up as isolated as he thinks he’s going to be by the end of the prologue. he needs people to support him and show him he doesn’t have to think this way, that he’s worth more than his talent.

#answers #project eden's garden #eden's garden game #damon maitsu

[yourbpdgf]

Hello can i request for a cute hc of eyeless jack and the reader :DD thank you 😊

hii! hope you like these :D!

eyeless jack x reader hcs pt 2 !!

• ej has habit of pulling you into his lap. like ALOT.

• anytime youre remotely close to him while hes sitting youre getting pulled down.

• youre sitting next to him? pulled into his lap. walking in front of him? pulled into his lap. you made him upset? pulled into his lap.

• even though jack is now... a demon... he still avidly studies medicine. he actually does online university under a fake name!

• hes on his way to getting his phd, dont play w my boy ej 🙄.

• so whenever ej is especially stuck while studying or hes stressed about upcoming exams he just walks up, hugs you from behind and then sits down bringing you into his lap.

• why does he do this you ask? he doesnt even know. to be honest he just loves you and you being on top of him like a weighted blanket is nice.

• another thing about ej is that if ever sees that your stressed, sad, angry or any other negative emotion he brings you all this food.

• his though process is that food = love.

• when he was a human he LOVED snacks and all types of food, even now that hes a demon he fucking loves kidneys. it never fails to make him happy.

• so if he loves food you should too right? right.

• he brings you your favorite snacks, candies, chocolate, etc.

• or hell get some take out from your favorite restaurant.

• hell get tobi or liu to get it for him since when most people see him they get well... extremely scared.

• you guys also watch hospital shows like greys anatomy, good doctor, etc, together so jack could criticize the doctors.

• he goes so in depth on everything theyre doing wrong ☠️, but hey he does give them credit sometimes.

• jack and you also pull pranks on jeff and jane, mostly bc you both ship them.

• you two even locked them in a closet one time. you were hoping theyd confess to eachother like in the movies, but you ended up having to let them out because jane almost slit jeffs throat.

• oops...? atleast ej patched him up.

• you two also adopted sally. like you were trying to legally adopt her but couldnt exactly do that since you had to have a job.

• you and ej are technically employed, but you couldnt really tell the adoption people that your employer was a man with no face who pays you to kill people.

• but you guys buy her all the toys in the world, take her everywhere and you love her sososososososoo much.

• that should make up for the legality of everything.

• one time you both took sally to the beach and she absolutely LOVED it. so she makes you take her every summer.

• overall you, jack, and sally are one cute little family. this statement makes everyone else in the mansion feel excluded and single... so pretend theyre included too.

masterpost

#eyeless jack x reader fluff #eyeless jack fluff #eyeless jack x reader #ej x reader #ej x reader fluff #ej fluff #fluff #x reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta fluff

[freyjas-musings]

In regards to the influencer post about getting hate: forreal, this is the first book release that I’ve been a part of the fandom for and the behavior of some people really ruins the experience.

So many hateful comments, unnecessarily starting fights with strangers on both Instagram and TikTok (and I’m lowkey pissed bc the Today Show is intentionally feeding the arguments to boost their posts)

And people can claim it’s Gwynriels all they want but the ONLY hateful comments I can find are E/riels. I wish Sarah wouldn’t bait people to start arguments (girl knows what she’s doing in those interviews) but I’m a little heartbroken because I got into these books because they gave me hope and I thought others felt the same.

Attacking people on Instagram, tumblr, and TikTok just because they ship differently than you is CRAZY. And the hate towards Gwyn is sad, she’s objectively a wonderful character😅

I hope SJM sees the hate E/riels spew.

All of what you said Anon is pretty spot on with how I feel too. Bullying is never ok and what makes the entire case with the influencer terrible is that the girl literally has nothing to do with the fandom or the ship war so these lunatics could have left her alone. As far as SJM knowing I am sure she does especially given her best friend has been harassed by Elriels.

She does look like a nerdy modern Gwyn!!!

With the Today Show interviews , to be fair literally nothing changed in terms of what we already know. It still made it pretty obvious it is Azriels book and that he does mostly have a mate, here is the key thing people miss.... Elucien's bond being accepted or rejected has nothing to do with Gwynriel.... Az wants a mate and if that mate is Gwyn they are endgame simple as that ....

If it was Elains book Lucien would have been mentioned in some capacity but that never happened , it was Elain and Gwyn with Az as the focus thereby further proving it is Azriels book . We also know Azriels feelings for Elain were never really deep. So, I have no doubt that Gwynriel is end game , how can anyone refute Canon info?

The hate towards both Elain and Gwyn is unnecessary. I am not a fan of Elain but I would never relentlessly make shit posts about her. She is not a character I prefer and indifference is as far as I would go.

Yes, I am disappointed that the interview did fuel the ship war , we all beat our chest and spill our hearts when two fictional females are being put against each other.... Yet here we now have two groups of real young women who have been pit against each other , it goes against everything I believe in, this fandom has basically fostered the most unhealthy environment of women pulling other women down... We are never going to win the battle with Feminism aka equality if we keep being each others enemies instead of atleast tolerating one another enough to grant dignity and respect ... and I was upset for all sides and this the truth....

These are young impressionable women and the publisher is most certainly taking advantage of the passion they have .... If the book is only a year away like they claim they could have just said whose book is next so people had time to process and get on board. Would the publisher have kept the news on who the book is about if it wasn't for the ship war? I think we all know the answer to that.

I am sorry this has been your first experience with the fandom and while I understand it's been hard I would request you to hang in there because there is a wonderful side to this fandom too, one that you will see during events , with friends and we are also officially entering the ACOTAR Era and its going to be exciting 🤗

#gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #Azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #gwyn acosf #gwyn x azriel #acotar #azriel #post acosf #acosf #pro gwynriel

[supernaturalconvert]

My Rant

Apologies in advance but I had a very wierd realization since I had a lot of supernatural fanfics open in my browser some old (already read atleast once) some new which I was hoping to read (had given it a start).

I painfully realized this morning that I am never going to actually read them coz they just aren't fun or simply don't excite me anymore. These were a mix of Gen, some J2 and perhaps even wincest. Disclaimer - I am open to reading Wincest and J2 but I am not a shipper by any means- this was just to give a semblence of what I had open.

As a result, I closed all these tabs once the realization hit me that perhaps the reason for this is my disdain for JA and how he has behaved over the last 6 months. This has permeated over to Dean now especially after the latest con when him and Jared both said that Dean and Sam were facets of their own respective personalities.

There were a lot of qualities of Dean that I don't resonate with and understand to be inherently toxic but the brotherly relationship helped me over look all of it for the purposes of the larger story and made me look at them both as a unit which they very much were on the show. Luckily me not being attracted to JA helped me keep that objectivity which I am very much aware most of Dean stans don't have.

Now however armed with the knowledge that Dean atleast in the later seasons is derived out of JA and one of JA's biggest qualities being subterfuge which he employs so seemlessly with Jared, I am finally at the point where I am unable to fully enjoy Dean.

Every statement with JA seems like a means to an end or rather just a display of how he thinks he is somehow superior to everyone. Everyone around him seems to be harping on this as well with little besides I guess his looks to back this up really. The smugness with which his fans operate towards dehumanizing everyone else doesn't help matters but it is what it is.

Personally I feel sad at losing Dean but I guess it was inevitable even though I tried to be objective for a long time. Hope this doesn't seep into the show where I can still enjoy my fav episodes since I am not into full rewatches.

It may seem like an unpopular opinion for must but supernatural must not be revised and if the end of the CW or lackluster performance of TW is the last nail in it's coffin so be it.

SPN was an emotional thread that bound it's audience and that's the reason that they stayed on with the show even when the story lost its shine. When that emotional cord between J2 was tainted, it really wasn't the same for most people and JA's continued disregard for it has only cemented it further. The illusion has been broken and the act is now over. I am sure people even wonder whether what we saw was even ever there to fully begin with or just simply an act put on by JA and some others.

#anti jensen #anti the winchesters #anti aas #fanfic thoughts #Fanfic things #my thoughts #It hurts to part from something that meant so much but it is for the better #anti dean winchester #anti dean stans

[gravity-knight]

Ok DFF finished and I’m mad

Started off so good, I was hooked. But that ending… 😒

Story was definitely interesting. The concept. The characters. All good. But the direction from possible supernatural, to whodunit, to a delve into the human mind kinda fell flat.

I guess it’s my fault for expecting something that just wasn’t gonna happen. I stopped my investigaytions when I realized what was happening. But it was still fun picking characters apart

Por. Poor spoiled little rich kid. Had you been a better ring leader things wouldn’t have escalated

Top. I dunno I thought there could’ve been more to his shitty actions. Thought he was secretly in love with Tee or White. Thought he was a secret agent for Tee’s uncle. Thought he would have some kind of secret. But nope.

Tee. Oh man there was a lot going on for this kid. I really went in liking him but when he started to manipulate Non I took a step back. I still felt bad for him for some reason. Then we find out more and how he and White met and started to pity him. Even his ending is just sad.

White. Poor Snow White did no harm. He came to play in the woods and had his heart stabbed. Finding out that someone you loved isn’t the person you thought they were hurts. Then having to go through all that stuff in the cabin ESPECIALLY when you didn’t even want to go? He really gave off final girl to me but in the end just an innocent bystander. Had he mustered up some courage though, ALOT of things could’ve gone differently.

Tan. Idk guys, manic is definitely a good look on this man. The irony of playing the older brother though. I think he may be first on the list of who had the most fucked up experience. Coming back home to your family like that. Leaving you all alone. Nothing but revenge on your mind.

Non. This guy really did a number on me. All he wanted was to make his movie. I don’t think he even really wanted friends. I think he just wanted to be needed. Cause if he wanted people around him who cares about him he would not have done that to Phee. I really didn’t think we’d get a character like that from Non. I thought he’d be painted as a troubled weirdo and that would be it. And to find out that was his fate? I really thought he’d just appear in the end. Or wake up somewhere in the forest. Also Mr. Keng too?

Jin. Omg did you guys see that hallucinoJin (😉) so much ass. Jin definitely has the most secrets out of the group. The rawness of it all. Boy is obsessed. I’m glad that he confessed what he did to Non and why he did it. I was afraid that would be swept under the rug or suffer a premature conversation interruption. Also there’s something kinda nice about falling in love with your crush’s boyfriend. Like you both loved the same guy. That’s not weird right? I mean sure but it’s like poetic weird right? Ironic? Am I using that right?

Phee. Boy. Like. What? He was soooo in love and so hurt. He helped Non and was betrayed. He had every right to feel the way he did. And still he. Blamed himself. His hallucinations showed Non dying in multiple ways. All suicidal. And him not being able to save him no matter how many times he tried to. Sorry I’m still standing by JinxPhee. Need them in like a gay killers sort of project

(Dead) End. Ok so I’m wtf. Like that was so unnecessary. It made no sense really. Everyone was drugged and Tan placed weapons all next to them to which they ended things. Now Fluke. Top and Por I had already lost all hope for, for a long time. Tee and Phee was up in the air, so were White and Jin. I ultimately thought Jin would be the last one standing or atleast one. He felt very main character out of the main characters. And I thought the film’s end with him being the only one that made it out the house was foreshadowing. White being as submissive as he was I thought he’d power up in the end at the critical moment. But when it turned out to be Tee. I thought Tee would pull a Romeo and Juliet. So now this two year jump confused me.

I was already thinking why none of them are in jail and why we don’t see the aftermath of Jin’s hand. And why would Tee just be at home

Phee pulling the “maybe we never left” card got me so upset. Because why. Was the drugs actually poisonous? Did they all consume too much? Why are Jin and Phee connected and with Tee? Was the antidote actually fake? Phee told Jin to wait for him while he went back for Tee. So was Phee “waking” from his hallucinations actually not him waking up? Because I questioned why the smoke wasn’t affecting him after he woke up. And then we hear the puff. For all we know there was never an antidote

I just wished they gave us a bit more than a shot of the house for an ending. Like the ambiguity wasn’t needed. Just say they all died and show all the bodies.

#dead friend forever #dff the series #this was definitely an experience though #I’ll say it again it was pretty Grand Guignol #was there something I missed that could’ve hinted off the ending

[shy-the-schizophrenic]

My Last Letter To You.

Kris,

I'm writing you this letter so I can have closure and say everything I need to say before I block you. I don't understand how you honestly can do this to me. To us. You were given another chance. You promised you wouldn't hurt me again. You wouldn't drink. And look at you. You can't help yourself anymore. And your piece of shit coworkers are just that. Pieces of shit. You lied to me. You blew off a night falling asleep with me to go get drunk with your coworkers. Your female coworkers. You lied. Once again. You can never be trusted, you've proven that to me. The one alcohol slip up, okay. But tonight? There was no reason. You chose alcohol over the beautiful love and life we could have had together. You told me to kill myself. Deny it all you want but I will never forget. You made fun of me for crying about you being with girls. You're a heartless man who spits venomous words at people he loves. Atleast tonight you didn't deny your love for me. Well kris. You killed my love for you. You proved to be like every other man in my life. You abused me. You're a drunk. It's disgusting. You're disgusting. I'm disgusted with you. I was disappointed, hurt, confused. No more. I know now that this is who you are. And who you are isn't deserving of me. I'm an amazing person. I've made mistakes but I'm a good person. I don't go out of my way to hurt people. I keep to myself. I continously work on my shortcomings. I saw a bright future for us. But now your future, I see it falling apart. You're going to lose your kids all over again and drink yourself into oblivion. Or you'll end up in jail. You're going to lose everything you've ever cared about just because you wanted to get drunk with some hot girls when you could have been with me. You think those girls are going to be there for you when you lose it all? No. Neither will I. I told you, you could come to me when you feel like drinking. When you felt low. Don't. I don't want any part of your life that you're choosing to ruin. I want nothing to do with you. You broke my heart for the last time. Only my ex fiance got that many chances. And I will not end up that girl I was with him. That will never be me. I should have seen your red flags. Your constant need to lie. How deep your alcoholism goes. I wish I did before I fell for you. But it's okay. Because you aren't feeling this right now like I am. And by the time you realize how low in life you are by losing me and choosing to go back to drinking, I will be fully over you and you won't even cross my mind. I will be free and you will be wracked in guilt and full of sorrow because your life will be empty all over again. And you can try to replace me. You never will. No girl will ever amount to me and the love I bore for you. I would have died for you. I would have done anything for you and you killed us. You killed my love and you will never revive it. I hope you feel every little bit of pain you've made me feel over the past couple months with your abuse when you wake up. I hope you realize what you've lost. Because it's absolutely too late. I'll tell you goodbye but you will never hear I love you. I won't give you that. You'll occupy my mind for a while. And it will kill me not to text you. But I'll be fine soon. I'll find joy in life again while you spiral downwards and for that I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve it. You have a kind heart but your demons have eaten you alive and it's so sad to see. This is why I never date addicts or alcoholics. Because I know one day they will relapse and I will have to watch them put their drug of choice ahead of me and everything they care about. I won't watch you waste away kris. I can't. I hope you get better. I don't see that happening at this point though. You don't want the help. You don't care about anything. You don't even love your children enough to stay away from alcohol. They deserve a better dad that and I deserve a better lover than you. Best wishes kris. Goodbye forever.

[cosmicwriterof21stcentury]

Forge the fire that burnt the city down,love, love, only love

Most of the time

I was on a verge of madness

An Incurable syndrome of some sorts

When I found myself crying often at little things

Or when I'd find myself being my own worst critic

I don't know how to let people go

Or let this frustration out

I never learnt how to manage my emotions

So it came out in the most Illogical ways

The lost motivation everytime I'd try to make something

All the crumpled papers in the corner of my room

They speak my truth.

And even more than that I found myself lying wide awake in bed in hopes that it would occur to someone how I really felt

Writing and drawing was only an attempt to reach out

I was mostly afraid of being lonely

And so it did, It draped me in its arms like a never leaving sickness

The one that made my bones crack under the weight of never being understood

I lie alot, specially when I say that I'm happy

And on days when I smile the widest , I feel ever so lonely

I don't know if you read this that you'll understand but I believe it's only human nature to seek validation, I haven't accomplished much in life except for a thing here and there ,not enough to make myself proud .

I am also the person who doesn't know what love tastes like except the crumbs of it that I learnt to lick off the tables,despite being told I've the most unique perspective of life,but won't a victim become the predator when it's been victimized his whole life?

I've been called many things - Narcissist, Irritable, Annoying,A Burden,good for nothing,a Failure and that's when I started to separate myself from the others. They couldn't see the facade of my sadness,My Clinging Younger Self that deafened me to demand justice? What justice? Where's the justice? I lived with her long enough to realise she isn't the one to be reasoned with,so I suffocated her and I killed her.

The ever so lovely faces,the enchanting smiles,the wicked souls and the lost sheeps.

I liked to think I'm better than them,better off them,better of them,better in a way that could only validate my Loneliness.

And when I look at other people's relationship with their mothers and fathers, I feel this Heinous Anger and possibly - Jealousy.

I don't hate my parents,oh no , I don't . That's a crime. It's a sin. Blood is thicker than water.

But sometimes I wish they would notice me,see me or just acknowledge my presence.

I want to feel vulnerable without thinking that it's an abomination to myself.

I've been cruel to my mother, my father's been cruel to my mother but sometimes I see her in my dreams, an image of her burning, she tells me to lick off her bones clean and love her,love her,love her,love her.

Eventually, I learnt it the hard way,but it's true,war isn't about the one's who won but the one who's left.

I often wish I could sew my hands to that of my friends hands , so we don't drift away,but in the loudest of rooms with their laughter I feel it echoing in the emptiness of the room.

I like classical music, the ones with instruments mostly,that of violins and cello and I daydream of being a hero which I can never be. A hero that saves everyone but themselves. A hero that can only be reborn with a purpose,which I do not have.

I don't remember anything from my childhood except a few memories which make me believe that I'm cracked in some places and my being is spilled out from those cracks ,but I only have two hands, so I let them go and Iook at my hands and I barely recognise who I am anymore.

I've lost my sense of self atleast a thousand times, if I could compare, I'm that drawer in the house with objects that don't belong there or maybe a crayon mixed up with other old crayons and I'm barely picked on, I suppose the colour I'm made of is likely the most unwanted of them all.

I get alot of remarks on who I am,what I was,what I would and what I should be.

I like to think that I'm not the first ,and I'll not be the last.

And when I look at my mother ,in my head,I hear a voice shouting do you see me? Do you love me? Have you ever loved me? Do you have this sadness inside you too? And in those moments I forget that ,my mother, she's been a daughter too, a wife,a Sophisticated,an elegant woman raised by a daughter like her while a daughter in her raised her own daughter.

I believe it's a system, a corrupted,a rigged one and on top of that ,A System that only rejects Emotions and is a home to the cultivation of starving each other of love and teaching each other the ways to make skin,hairs,hands and face soft. Hands , only if they weren't so cold to touch,they could've mistaken you were infact dead.

I don't know much about my childhood,let alone theirs but I like to think maybe I'll understand them when I get older,so I keep my mouth shut, I swallow my desires ,I burn my tongue and I speak, only the words that could please the ears of their lost gaze.

And I feel lonely,so lonely,with all these people around me, I feel suffocated.

They all call me their friend but they barely know how I feel, wouldn't it be as good as half dead?

But then I laugh it off, afraid they'll laugh at me. A roof on my head,food in mouth,a mouth sewn close and a lovely household. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it-

I miss my father alot but he barely calls me to even ask how I am , so I pretend that it doesn't really matter how does it feel ? Is it cold in the town? Doesn't it get lonely to be the shadow of a father who wasn't even there? A father gone by the afternoon, returned ,fed,sat and he left.

I like to think that they'll love me one day, but will i be the same?

I often reason with myself if I'm not worthy of love,so I get mean when I'm nervous,like a bad dog.

I learnt somewhere how you only recognize love when it's how you perceive love, but deep down I see the spilled empty pages of my diary in my room and I explode, famish, scatter and discard my heart on an origami crane.

I learnt a lot of things , mostly skills that required hand work in hopes that if they couldn't feel my pain , atleast they could see it? How do you glamorize someone's pain without vomitting blood? How to appreciate the death of a person who's never been born? How do you reason me with my ability to see beauty in twisted things when all you feed me is agony and pain?

So I dismiss it,my thoughts,my emotions, nowadays I like to sleep,so that when I cannot turn them off. I dissociate from the world.

It would only matter if you think it does,how can one love a broken,twisted thing with a lost limb and a burnt tongue? Unworthy of love,your foolish desires,eat the burning coal and love them back,love them back ,love them back,even if it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. It wouldn't get better, only you get resilient.

-the end-

-tamanna.

#aesthetic #books & libraries #academicism #dark academism #dark acamedia #moodboard #museums #quotes #art #cottagecore #identify #identity #crisis #lonelier version of you #loneliest #loner life #writer problems #women writers #writers block #female writers #writing #writers and poets #writeblr #writerscommunity #writerscreed #dead poets society #love language #love #trauma #poetic

[bbarican]

⟡⋆˚☆˖°~ ♡ life updates ♡ ~⟡⋆˚☆˖°

hi, tumblr! its been a minute since i last sat down and talked about everything i feel like i need to talk about para, again, i can process these thigns and know how to move forward; on that note, here's some life updates for yall:

family:

we're okay naman, my cousin from iloilo is staying here until the end of the month kasi she's reviewing for the nclex so its nice to have an additional member to our family

i love my dogs so much, im just sad na si hiro (our baby boy) is the type na ayaw ng cuddles as in kakagatin niya kami if we even attempt to carry him so hindi ko siya ma-hug talaga

my kuya is finally coming home, and this time mas matagal siyang mag stay na talaga kasi he's going to look for work na here which i hope turns out to be successful

we're travelling ulit sa susunod na long weekend and im super stoked kasi we all havent been to this country before so its going to be super exciting

work:

september is going to be super busy pero i know for a fact na kakayanin ko naman

my two college bestrfriends turned officemates are now officially leaving the company; im torn kasi syempre a part of me is super sad na theyre leaving since it was really fun to be working in one company with them, pero at the same time im okay din with them going kasi atleast this (this company, the work i do, the people ill get to work with) will be my own ulit, do you get me? parang i was okay before they became my officemates and im sure im going to be okay once they leave too

im glad to have a few small design projects again kasi this time around feel ko mas kaya ko na to juggle both my roles as designer and as a manager (which is still such a funny thing to me; me being a "manager" pero when you look at everything i do, pang-manager nga siya)

im excited for the 15th kasi thankfully there's a big blessing coming our way which i will never get tired of thanking our company for

friends:

im worried na my college barkada is slowly drifting away pero again i just need to remind myself na we're all just busy and just because we're busy doesnt mean we're not friends anymore

im glad na we'll be doing our own things na; im excited to support all of my friends in whatever they do

shoutout to jed and chie, i dont know if you guys will ever see this but i miss you guys so much na ulit i hope we get to hang out na ulit soon

to keith as well! im glad na we're talking again and im glad youre back on tumblr

personal:

im glad na i actually get to open up to my mom na din; kanina over dinner, we talked about my (very non-existent) love life, and work problems, and how i feel sad about my friends being busy nga

and as much as at first it really is uncomfortable, i make sure to push through that feeling especially if kasama namin baby brother ko kasi gusto kong marealize and makita ng brother ko na its okay to talk about anything with me and my mom

i think i posted about this na nga pero ayun hindi na talaga nag message ulit yung guy na kausap ko before; nakakainis lang talaga kasi he asked me out on a date and i wish he never did nalang

my room is clean and my stuff is organized and im ready to stay in bed and play my silly little game on my phone

if youve made it this far into my life updates, thank you for reading

i hope you guys have a lovely saturday evening and i hope the rest of the weekend is kind to all of us ♡

#bbarican #personal #thoughts #writings #life #updates #update #dump #feelings

[squeiky]

Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and then I scroll through tumblr.

I think I have to start making a routine to walk outside, but i keep making excuses not too. The only outside place I want to be is on my porch and a park that’s 30 minutes away.

I’m really lonely apparently. It’s a side effect of having very little of a social life (aside from the few interactions on here. Since I don’t interact with anyone on any other site tbh.)

I think it’s just easy for me to be alone. Like I’m sure I developed some kind of abandonment issues and I’m fully aware of how it makes me feel- and that might be why i keep avoiding irl interactions.

Everything feels easier here. No anxiety no pressure. I know people here are okay and already know my goofy little self. I don’t have to worry about appearances and present how I desire. I don’t feel trapped.

I can scream into the void here. I can keep screaming and maybe one day, someone might just scream back. It’s a good feeling.

I keep feeling guilty for posting or rebloging so much. I look at other people getting asks or interactions as “successes”. I see comments and tags and it’s “success”. At what? Hell if I know. Perhaps some social game like popularity, or the fact that somebody is liked enough to have people talk to them.

Ugh, I used to read my old blog posts from an account long abandoned. Reeked of insecurity. I see myself falling back into that spiral over and over again whenever the darkness creeps up a little to closely. Like I can only eve ignore it for so long, until I’m back to screaming again like I am now.

It’s like that stupid feeling, like someone in the back of my mind is screaming “please be with me.” It’s crying all the time.

I don’t know what freindship is, I only see people in black and whites of “useful” and “not useful” the definition of useful isnt exact and varies person to person, but I recognize this is my thought process.

I guess there’s the guilt of it all too. Some underlying shame or guilt constantly pestering me. I hate annoying things and it’s really annoying.

I’m young, and I’m still figuring things out. Though that doesn’t really invalidate or solve how I feel now. Idk.

At some point in time I forgot how to talk to people in real life. It’s like when I do my soul leaves my body and I just go on autopilot. Only to return to a state of constant evaluation and analysis (which are my saviors).

Sometimes I just want to stay broken. Or maybe I was never broken to begin with. I don’t know. I’m sad and buttnaked writing this at 11:54 because I’m slowly developing a fear of sleeping (technically I just have s very strong desire to stay awake for no reason in particular.)

I fucked up with the alt descriptions for my art. I’m unsure if I’m making excuses not to make alts because it’s too much effort-or it’s something else.all I know is that I feel guilty about it.

I hate guilt (or is what I feel shame? I’m uncertain). I wish I never felt it. It’s a disgusting feeling that only does me bad. Usually I can just determine via logic when ive fucked up. But if what I feel is guilt then I do not like it. I wish it wasn’t there I wish it didn’t exist because it annoys me.

I cleared out my wounds too. I’m hopping I made it better by opening up a covered path that was clogging the infection gunk from getting out- and some dead skin. Getting hurt sucks.I thought I would be stronger. But I am reminded I am frail.

Screaming into the void in hopes of a freind. It’s a strange habit to have. Always screaming never a reply. I wish I could make things like this one person I follow. I’ve never seen them ever sad about their lack of interactions (atleast in this platform). I’m trying to be like that. But it sucks that I can’t register likes Orin the same way I do as reason people’s tags or comments or seeing their reblogs.

Since I’m always reblogging other peoples stuff, there’s always that nagging feeling when ever I make my own shit that it’s never enough.

One day though I think I’ll feel “enough”. I’ll drink champagne on that day and eat a chocolate cupcake. Just like a birthday celebration.

[forestgreenfairy]

A Teenage Kind of Love (salvis)

Episode 6 

(travis) 

The next day at school is a living nightmare, everyone asking me if I'm okay and saying their sorry for my loss, constantly reminding me, I just want it all to stop. I need a drink. After attendance in 3rd period I excused myself to the restroom and grabbed my bag from my locker heading off to the bathroom. I snagged a beer from the cabinet yesterday when my dad was asleep. I find my normal spot in the big stall and sit down when I hear the door open.

“Travis” says sally face gentle voice, god i really need to talk to him i think as i open the beer can and take a sip 

“Yes” i shoot back in almost a whisper 

“I was hoping you were in here, wanna talk?” he says sitting down on the other side of the stall door.

“Kind of” i say, i don't really know what i want to talk about but i know I just want to listen to him. My mind flashes to last week. When I put my hand on top of his and how nice it was. Fuck. 

“You don't have to if you don't want to, are you okay i know after your mom's thing” he says in a sad tone of voice

“Yeah I'm fine,” I pause , taking a deep breath. 

“Did you hear about what I did '' I cringe , saying that I haven't prayed actually in months, then out of nowhere I felt compelled like it was the right thing to do in the moment even though no one else was. I take another sip.

“Yeah… are you still religious i thought you were giving that up y'know since your dad” i never really thought about that, of course i believed in god and i dont think im ready to say goodbye to my faith at least not yet, but i definitely don't believe in the god my father does if he even believes in god. 

“I am just not the way my father is,” I say with immediate guilt washed over me, “one does not talk bad of one's father” my dad would say to me when I was little. 

“But i shouldn't be talking about him” i say taking another swig from the can. I carefully place the can underneath the stall door and he sighs pushing it back to me.

“I don't drink,” he says, sounding frustrated. 

“Why not” I ask, drinking has done nothing other than bring me comfort and help me forget and feel better. 

“I don't really wanna talk about it,” replied. I know his friend Travis smokes.

“Do you smoke?” I have a question.

“Sometimes” fuck, I made him uncomfortable. I grab my bag and booze and unlock the door. 

“I gotta go,”  I say , staring down at him. He nods and I leave. 

(sal) 

I knew it, he's been drinking. I feel so helpless like after the accident when my dad started drinking, how it was my fault. I know Travis drinking isn't my fault but I can't help but feel terrible, I mean do I need to tell someone? But on the other hand I don't want to seem like I'm intruding on his life by sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. Why was he asking about smoking? Does he want to smoke? I can't even think right. 

After school I meet Larry at the car and he's already inside blasting his new sanity falls CD. 

“Can you wait till we atleast get on the road for this?” I scream over the music and turn it down. 

“Its sick right? Now I can play music as loud as I want ALL the time, not just when my mom isn't home” we both laugh. That's one of the first things he said to me when we met and I asked him about living in the basement. 

“Can I ask you a question?” he nods, giving me his full attention. 

“Do you think you could get me some weed?” I say leaning back in the passenger seat.

“How much? And why” he questions.

“Ummm i don't know enough for two people ill pay don't worry. Because Travis was asking, ``I was gonna maybe invite him over to hang out,” I say and Larry raises an eyebrow.

“And you don't have a crush on him but you are willing to give him free weed?” I slapped his arm, I would have slapped him harder if he wasn't driving. 

“I don't… maybe” I say, running my hands through my hair and sliding down in my seat. 

“Duuuuuuuude your seriously fucked” he laughs.

“No I'm not.. He actually kinda sweet, its really his dad that fills his mind with all those things and thoughts” i say, and of course i dont even know if hes gay, i dont even know if im gay. Shit… i am fucked.

“Whatever you say” Larry rolls his eyes as he pulls into the parking lot.

“And yeah I can get you some weed. I'll bring it to your house tonight when I go get groceries.” he says getting out of the car.

(travis)

When my fathers car pulls up it's not him driving from Alysa i get in the back seat silently.

“Travis, I just want to talk to you about our new relationship, as I'm going to be your step-mother,” she says nervously, squeezing the wheel. 

“You are nothing like a mother to me Allysa your 22, 4 years ago MY mother was picking you up from highschool” she sighs. 

“And now i'm picking up MY son from highschool” she smiles in the rearview mirror. HER son? I will never be HER son I'm barely my fathers son. 

“ALYSSA you are not old enough to be picking up your son from kindergarten” i reply angrily and she again lets out another sigh. 

“Your father would not appreciate this, you have to understand we are getting married and that is the final young man!” she says sternly pulling into our gravel driveway. I can't help but laugh, young man? She's barely 5 years older than me. 

“Allysa you're barely 5 years older than me” I shout from the car as she stomps up the stairs inside slamming the door. When I reach the door it's locked. I jiggle the handle when I hear Alyssa from inside. 

“Go somewhere else travis! This is MY house and I can deny access to anyone I want, I AM AN ADULT” she yells. I cant fucking believe this, this girl just kicked me out of MY house. Where am I supposed to go? I mean I don't have any real friends… Do I just sit here? 

I guess I could.. Go to Sally's face.

I run around the side of the house and grab my bike from the shed.

#salvis #sally face #sal fisher #travis phelps #fanfic