#I was in the hospital last week and all I had were crayons I was so excited when they finally gave me a new box

[downydig]

Drawing clowns in crayon fixes you ✌️🤡

#my art #doodles #charlie the clown #the rest are just random clowns! #I was in the hospital last week and all I had were crayons I was so excited when they finally gave me a new box

[marieracingteam]

Lancey and his Lilybug – ls.18

stepdad!Lance Stroll

word count: 2990

summary: The day Lance realised he will never be dad to his baby.

Lance knew Lily wasn’t his. He knew. He reminded himself of it every day to see if, by force of repetition, he would memorize it.

But nothing seemed to work when he came back home to her steps running down the stairs.

So he forgot. Or maybe he ignored the truth.

He forgot while he was playing dolls with her. He forgot during bathtime when the whole bathroom was covered in bubbles and marks of the Bathroom Crayons they had just bought. He forgot when the food her mother had cooked for them was her least favorite –even if it was her favorite last week– and they had to play flights with it so she would eat it. He forgot while he was driving and could only think about home. And he forgot when she would wake them up at night time so she could sleep between them, even if he had an early morning waiting for him.

He forgot most of the time.

However, he couldn’t forget it this time. At that moment, Lance couldn’t pretend to ignore the truth any longer.

Lily wasn’t his daughter, she would never be.

Even with his ring on her mom’s finger and their names in the housing registry he bought.

Even if he was the one she called when she was sick.

Lance wasn’t her real dad. His name wasn’t on the list. And nothing will change it. Not even his father's last name.

“I am really sorry Mr. Stroll, but only the immediate family can enter the intensive care unit. I understand your frustration, but there is nothing I can about about it” said the nurse again.

“Listen, if this is about money…” his father kept going but Lance was no longer listening.

The corridor that separated them, which became increasingly endless, was now his only breathing space. As he walked through it he could only think that Lily was not his. Which was curious when he thought about how much time he had spent ignoring that detail.

Lily was in there and he could only be out there.

When only a door separated them, Lance stood in front of the small glass. Through it, he could only see another white hallway and a doctor passing by, but he still didn't dare to look away.

He knew if father was calling him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the crystal. The nurse had allowed him to stand them as long as he didn’t try trespassing and he was going to take advantage of that piece of mercy as much as he could.

“Son”, his father tried again.

And that word made Lance want to fall to the ground and stay there till it all stopped.

Son. He was someone’s one. Just like Lily was someone's daughter.

But not his. Never his.

She was the daughter of someone who wasn’t even going to come see her. And he was the son of someone who would have to live with the knowledge that his granddaughter would never have his last name.

“She will be alright. You heard your fiancée. She will be fine.”

But his father hadn’t seen the state the car was in.

He had not had to drive faster than the legal speed to reach a car that was destroyed and from which his family was being taken.

He had not been separated from his family at the door of a hospital because they were nothing of his.

His father had always been there with him. He had always been at the foot of his children's beds. He had always held their hands when they needed him most. Even when it was just a chipped tooth.

Lance couldn’t even see her through a window.

He could just stare at an empty hallway and wait.

And wait he did. He waited for hours standing there. Just moving once to let a doctor open the door and enter the area he could never pass into. He waited until his father had to sit and he waited until the nurse clocked out and a new one came by. He waited while his father tried again without any result. He waited while his cell phone didn't ring.

And when he thought he couldn’t wait any more a door opened in the hallway and a nurse appeared pushing a bed.

A bed too big for such a small body.

And he knew like he supposed any father would. He knew that was his baby.

His fiancée was the first to see him as she walked out of the room. Her head and one of her arms had been bandaged and a slight limp made him realize that one of her legs must have also been injured, but she had not been the one who had received the biggest blow from the drunk driver.

She slightly smiled at him with a sorry expression and she silently turned to the nurse, who also gave him a look before turning the bed and directing it towards the door so that he could see the little girl.

He tried calling his father, but nothing came out of him when he saw her there.

She had a few scratches on her face and arms –the only parts of her that weren’t covered by the sheet– but she seemed to be healthy despite everything.

The ambulance had taken her directly to the intensive care unit of the emergency room after removing her from the back of the car, which had been completely destroyed. Everything had happened so fast that he hadn't been able to see her for even a moment when he arrived. Afterward, Lance had only had a second to talk to his fiancée before she could come in to see her daughter.

When Lily saw him, Lance could have sworn his heart stopped completely. He damned the door when he couldn’t hear her little voice saying his name or reach her and touch her like he had been praying to.

She waved her small hands as she hadn’t expected him to be there. And he couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

His fiancée grabbed her phone –which was cracked and didn’t function completely fine– and he copied her almost knocking it to the ground.

“Lancey!” shouted Lily as soon as the call connected. The video didn't work, but he didn’t need it to see them through a screen when he had them in the flesh before his eyes.

“Baby!” he cried back almost colliding with the glass.

“Lancey! I missed you!”.

“So did I baby, so did I. Are you ok? Does anything hurt?” he asked her without taking his eyes off the small window.

“A little. They are going to put a bandaid on, but they don’t have the dinosaurs ones” she explained like nothing had really happened, as if a car driving at more than 100km on a conventional road had not crashed into her door at a red light.

“They said she is fine. The car seat you bought her stopped most of the blow. She only has some injuries from the flying glass. They still have to do an MRI, but they believe that everything will be fine. Now they are going to do the test and if everything goes well they will move us to a room to spend the night under surveillance.” His fiancée explained with tears in her eyes, still in shock from the crash.

Lance could only nod at that while trying to process everything. He didn’t even feel his father's presence behind him.

“You may not be in here but you saved her” she whispered while her daughter threw kisses at him from her bed. He nodded again, remembering the car seat he always made them carry when they visited him. It was crazy expensive and a hulk to carry, but a traffic safety expert had told him it was the best on the market and Lance had refused to drive any car with Lily that didn't have it. He had even bought one for his father’s and sister’s car and another one for Lily's biological father for a car she had never been in Still, he would have preferred never to need it.

His father pressed his head to his son's so he could see the little girl through the window, who immediately began calling him on the phone.

While they spoke, Lance's fiancée moved closer to the window and put her hand in the crystal. Her ring crashed in the process, making the glass vibrate. Lance quickly followed her.

“I’m sorry. I love you” she muttered the words making him repeat them instantly.

Before this, they knew how things worked. Of course they did. It took a while for Lance to be able to pick up Lily from daycare because of the paperwork both parents had to sign. They knew that the relationship they had did not magically make Lance a legal guardian of the little girl. Even so, the hospital's refusal to let Lance in despite the couple's requests had been like a bucket of cold water for both of them.

“We love you” she repeated and he just nodded in tears watching them leave again.

However, this time the wait seemed shorter.

Even though his fiancée's phone had completely died, Lance knew that they were both safe and well and that he would soon be able to see them and hold them in his arms when they were taken to one of the hospital rooms.

So he tried not to focus too much on what had happened. He tried again to ignore the fact that he was still behind a door and think about how soon everything would return to normal.

He tried hard enough, but the door was still there and when the nurse told him he could visit them in their room, she referred to him as a visitor and not a family member.

His father didn’t seem to mind, but he knew he did. Of course, he did. He was just trying to keep his composure for the sake of his son.

But how could he not mind? How could he be okay with his son having to see his family secretly while the girl's real father hadn't even bothered to call?

How could he be okay when his son had called him desperate because his fiancée and his little girl had had an accident on the way to the paddock? No matter what last name they had, they were his family.

When Lance arrived at the room he felt like he was going to pass out. The wait had been long and exasperating. The not knowing had been almost worse than receiving the news in the first place.

But now nothing mattered anymore. Now he was there and so were they.

“Lancey!” the girl shouted from the bed when she saw the driver at the door.

His fiancée turned around immediately and when she smiled letting him know that everything was fine they both breathed for the first time since the accident.

He almost felt dizzy when he started to breathe normally and his muscles relaxed for the first time in the last two hours. But he walked anyway to the bed, almost running, and to the little girl in there.

He didn’t mind he was still in the team wear, he didn’t care about anything else as he held Lily in his arms.

“Are you ok, baby girl?” he whispered in her hair “Are you ok?” he said as he checked her again and again without letting go of her as he had done with his fiancée before.

“Yeah! They gave me candy because they said I was very brave. But look! They did hurt a lot before” Lily explained while showing Lance the scratches the doctor had already disinfected.

“I am sure you were, baby. That was scary, right?”

“A little. But mommy was with me and she said you were coming to save us”

At that, Lance’s fiancée finally approached them again, letting Lance have his moment with the little girl.

“And he was,” she confirmed while stroking Lance’s back “Lancey was there the whole time”.

But Lily wasn’t happy with that answer. Even if she was well-behaved for an almost six-year-old, she still was a child who didn’t fully understand the grown-up's problems.

“The doctor said you couldn't be with me because you are not my daddy. Is it because I don't call you dad?” Lily asked while she hugged him tighter.

Lance pulled away a little to see her face while they were talking and, from the corner of his eye, he saw how his father moved away from the foot of the bed to let them talk more privately.

“No baby, this isn't your fault. At all.” Lance let her know, firm but loving “You are my good girl, aren’t you?”.

They had already spoken about the “dad” thing before. Her biological father had told her that only he could be dad the last time he saw her a year ago when the girl innocently told him that her mother was going to marry the driver. And Lance hadn't pushed her when his fiancée told him what had happened.

He wanted to, obviously. He dreamed about it most nights. But he understood. And then he forgot he wasn't really her dad. Even when she called him Lancey and he heard her call dad someone she only spoke to once a month over the phone if she was lucky.

Lily left his embrace completely and immediately started crying “I lied” she confessed between tears and whines “I told the doctor I would call you dad but I don't want you to be my dad. I just wanted you with me”.

She cried so hard that a nurse had to come in. Not even her mother could calm him as she cried the same again and again. “Please don't be my dad. Please”.

Lance felt stuck there. He felt like he was again before that door. Useless. Unable to do anything to change the situation over which he had no control.

Lily was high on meds. He could see some still being pumped into her through an IV. That's what he said again and again to himself as he heard his girl begging him to not be her dad.

Lily loved him deeply, almost as much as he did. He knew, he felt her love every day. He knew her love was real even if he didn’t see her some weekends because he was working. He knew she trusted him enough to wake him up when she had a nightmare. He knew she would sleep with them every night if her mom let her. He knew.

However, her cries were there, rejecting him again and again, almost knocking him down with each tear.

“I won't be your dad, Lily. I promise, baby” he said as tears also streamed down his cheeks.

She was holding his hand tightly and used it to wipe her face before speaking again. “I don't want you to be my dad. I want Lancey!” she cried stronger if that was possible.

Her mom got into bed with her as her last effort to calm her down. She was looking at him as he imagined he was looking at her.

However, this was not the time to think about himself. Nothing about that day had anything to do with him. Now he had to think about Lily and her fiancée. He would have time to lick his wounds later.

When the nurse came back again he knew he had to leave before they showed him the door. He may not know how, but he was the cause of her distress. Which was a little bit funny considering he always was her protector before.

“Everything will be alright, Lily. I will let you rest now, baby. I love you” he said kissing her temple and letting go of her hand.

Nevertheless, that didn’t work as he hoped.

“Lancey!” she screamed as she watched him leave.

Even though her mother was holding her, Lily tried to get out of her arms to get out of bed, pulling on the IV and causing the nurse to have to hold it to prevent her from accidentally tearing it out.

“You are not my daddy!” she cried one last time. A scream so heartbreaking that Lance was holding her before he was even aware was going to do it. “Please, don't leave like my dad. I want you to be Lancey forever. My Lancey.”

With that, his fiancée silently cried as she made space for him in the small hospital bed, finally understanding everything. So did Lance’s father, who always knew she was his granddaughter without needing a last name or a title.

Lance didn’t say a word as he lay in bed holding Lily in his chest minding the IV and grabbing his fiancée's hand.

“I will always be your Lancey, Lilybug” he whispered as she finally relaxed in his arms.

“We are going to be alright, love” his fiancée said as she caressed his hand “We don’t need titles to be perfect”.

He just nodded, forgetting everything that didn’t really matter. He forgot the door and the wait too when Lily fell asleep in his chest, safe and sound.

He only let go of them when he remembered the thing he always carried in his wallet close to the picture of the three of them they had taken last year.

Without waking her up, Lance put the dinosaur bandaid on her arm on the tape that held the IV.

His fiancee hugged tighter as he did and he forgot the rest of the day and the fact that Lily wasn't his daughter.

Because he was her Lancey and she will always be her baby. And that was more than many fathers could say.

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanfiction #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fanfic #f1 angst #lance stroll #lance stroll fanfic #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll imagine #lance stroll fluff #lance stroll angst #ls18 #ls18 x reader

[csanflower]

“you drew stars around my scars”

pairing: experimented on! jungkook x experimented on! reader

powers au!, childhood besties au!, patients au!

genre: angst, fluff, sfw

wc: 5.9k

synopsis: meeting jungkook was like gazing up at the brightest star in the sky as you lay helpless on the cold ground in the dark night. you both found comfort in one another. you healed each other as you suffered through painful experiments together. the pain was bearable, with him by your side. whenever he was around, your smiles were brighter, your shoulders were lighter, and all your worries just seemed to disappear in an instant. good things don’t last though. you learned that the hard way.

OR

jungkook and y/n meet in the hospital both trying to be cured of their ‘disease’ (they have powers :O) and form memories along the way <3

tw: experiments on human (not detailed though), scars, gun

*inspired by ‘cardigan’ by taylor swift: “you drew stars around my scars” pls listen to it while u read this 🥹🥹(A/N: GONNA BE FIGHTING HARD FOR TICKETS TO ERAS TOUR THIS WEEK SO I WROTE THIS HOPING TO MANIFEST SOME TICKETS😭🙏🙏)

——

13 june, 2005

You monitored the pale, white room around you. White bed. White cupboard. White walls. You sighed in frustration. Your rainbow obsessed 7 year old brain screamed at you to add some colour to the walls. Note to self: Bring crayons to colour walls next time.

“Please…I will take care of her… don’t do this…”

Hearing the small familiar voice of your mother, your eyes lit up, and you climbed onto your white bed, propping your elbows onto the tiny window frame in the small room, peeking your small head out as you stared curiously into the other room. Your mother talking to a man in a white coat. They were having a serious conversation, and your mother seemed like she was about to cry. Why is mommy crying? Is she hurt? You thought to yourself, immediately jumping off the bed and running to the room next door to find your mother and comfort her.

The moment you entered the room your mother was in, you noticed she instantly wiped her tears away, trying to hide her tears from you.

“Hey sweetie, you like the room?” She plastered a smile on her face as she looked endearingly at you.

“It was alright. It could have more colour though. Next time I should bring my crayons and draw Bibi on it!” You let out a huge smile at the thought of Bibi, showing off your missing front tooth. Bibi was your imaginary friend. Picture a golden retriever, but covered in rainbows. Making friends were not exactly your specialty. For some reason, everyone called you a freak and did not want to talk to you, all because you were able to move things with your mind. And so you found comfort in your imaginary friend Bibi instead. He was the only one who understood you.

“Hey sweetheart, you’ll be staying here for a while, ok? It’s to make you better. Don’t worry, mommy will come back to visit when I can.” You could tell your mother was holding back her tears. It was the same face she made when daddy screamed at her and left us, or when she received a call that grandma died.

“W-why can’t mommy stay with me?” You felt tears brimming at your eyes as a sinking feeling appeared in your heart. You could feel that something bad was happening.

“Y/n, you are a danger to your mother. You need to stay here to get better-“ The doctor in the coat was cut off as I screamed out loud.

“NO! I WANT MY MOMMY! IM NOT GOING TO STAY HERE!” Your tears were overwhelming you as more people stomped into the room, grabbing your mother’s arms as she tried to grab you into her embrace. She had released her tears by now, sobbing uncontrollably. The people who stomped into the room grabbed her arms harshly, dragging her away from me and out of the door.

You felt your arms being pulled back by the doctor as you tried reaching out for your mother. You let out a frustrated scream, as your emotions ran rampage. The room around you started to shake and you unintentionally slammed everyone in the room against the hard wall — including your mother. Everyone except you fell hard to the ground as they hit the wall, all groaning in pain. You looked at your mother apologetically, then looked at your own hands in disgust. What have I done?

Your mother looks at you with one last glance, glossy eyes as she mouths to you ‘It’s ok, i love you’ The security people, as if unphased from the hit, immediately got up, containing their job as they dragged your mother forcefully out of the room. You didn’t dare to stop them. Not after what you did. You knew you were a monster.

“Do you see now, y/n? You’re a danger to everyone. If you want to be fixed, you will do the wise choice of cooperating with us so you can see your mother again.” The doctor got up slowly, looking at you with a cunning smile.

You gulped. You were scared. So, so scared and lonely. But you knew you had to do this. You had to get better. You had to make your mom proud. So you bravely nodded, agreeing to stay at the facility to get help.

—

2006

You never saw your mother again after that incident. You were unsure if she chose not to see you again because she thought you were a monster or if she was not allowed to visit you, but you sure hoped it was the latter.

You grew accustomed to the lifestyle. Everyday, your morning would be filled with ‘recreational activities’ like playing chess, but having to move the pieces with your mind, or doing basic commands with your powers that the doctors made you do. Afternoons were the worst. They would strap you into the terrifying pink chair in the ‘rainbow room’ and conduct experiments on your brain. For a room called ‘rainbow room’, it was certainly not full of rainbows. You would have to sit through hours of excruciating pain as the voices in your head overwhelmed you. There were so many needles, blood. But there was nothing you could do. None of the doctors cared for you. You had no one.

As time passed, you started getting used to the lifestyle. The food wasn’t bad, you had a chef that would make what you wanted, and servants that would get you what want. The only issue was the loneliness. You realised you were the only patient at the facility. Nobody ever talked to you. The guards, doctors and servants were not allowed to form a relationship with you. You had no one to talk to — except Bibi. But you knew Bibi wasn’t real. You weren’t a kid anymore - you had matured quickly from having to face the bitter reality. Bibi was merely your coping mechanism from the horrors of your daily life.

That was until he came along.

On 13 June, 2006, Jeon Jungkook, a 9 year old boy, was admitted into your facility exactly a year after your admittance. You were excited when you heard the news. You would finally have someone to talk to, someone to share your pain and to hang out with — a friend. Sadly, you did not hit it off as well as you expected it to. Jungkook was a shy, frightened boy, slightly shorter than you, eyes red and puffy probably from the amount of times he cried after being separated from his family. You felt for him. You were in the exact same situation as him a year ago, and you understood that he needed some private time to heal himself. He was definitely not in the mood for making friends. So you kept your distance for a while, not wanting to seem too desperate.

Until the night of his first experience in the ‘rainbow room’. You laid on your bed, reading the same book for the thousandth time as you sighed in boredom. Until you heard a sniffle in the hallway.

Curious, you stepped out of your room, not shocked to see Jungkook crouching into a little ball in the hallway outside his room, crying quietly. You could see the deep scars left on his left arm, the same ones you get daily from the experiments. You crouch down beside him softly, hesitantly patting his back as you tried to comfort him wordlessly. At first, he looked tense and uncomfortable at your touch, but he slowly eased into it as he saw the same scars on your arms. You inched closer to him, giving him a warm embrace as you cried together with him.

After that night, the two of you became closer. He realised that you were just like him. That he was not alone in his painful journey. And so started your friendship with Jungkook.

You soon realised Jungkook was more than a shy, frightened boy. He could be playful and kind at times, and he quickly became your close friend — more like only friend.

He painted your bleak childhood colourful with memories and fun moments. The two of you would make inside jokes about the staff there, laughing at how they always wore the same clothes and probably didn’t wash them, and joke over stupid things like whose powers were stronger or who was taller.

Yet despite all the jokes, the two of you placed deep trust in one another, comforting each other when the experiments got too harsh and painful, convincing each other that it would end some day. Mornings and afternoons of playfulness and fun ended in late nights of cuddling and crying together. This lifestyle became a norm for the two of you. But still it was tolerable, because you had each other.

—

2010

“Y/n, look what I found!” Jungkook ran into your room with a big, smug toothy grin on his face, hiding something behind his back.

“Did you finally find out where your room actually is? Because I’m starting to think you don’t know that since you’re always in my room.” You rolled your eyes playfully as you pretended not to be interested in what he actually brought.

His smile faltered for a second, processing your words, before he faked an angry frown, and pounced onto your bed that you were laying on, tickling you as revenge.

“Ok stop,” you giggled, “I was just kidding, tell me what you brought.” He finally stopped tickling you, pulling something from under his shirt behind his back, as he excitedly presented it to you.

You jaw dropped in shock as you immediately snatched it from his hand, staring at it in disbelief.

“That’s right! A full set of rainbow coloured crayons just for you!” Jungkook beamed with pride.

It was only the previous night that you admitted your obsession with rainbows to him, telling him stories about Bibi, and sharing about how you wished you could colour your room walls. You’ve been begging the workers for some sort of colour since you’ve arrived, but they never met your requests, saying that it was too “childish”. You couldn’t help but wonder how Jungkook managed to get it.

“I bet Bibi could have never gotten this for you, it just proved I’m a much better friend than him!”

You laughed at Jungkook’s statement. After telling him about Bibi, he had been so jealous that you had another friend other than him, even though you repeatedly told him numerous times that Bibi was an imaginary friend. However, you didn’t admit that you hadn’t talked to Bibi in a long time since you’d made friends with Jungkook. That would make his pride swell too much.

“How did you get it? The workers never ever let me get anything like this!” You were still in disbelief.

“Well, doctor choi has been wanting to do the new form of experiment on me since a few weeks back, and he said he would reward me with anything I wanted if I did it! So since I’m the bravest and coolest person ever, I did it today!” Jungkook said with a smug smile.

You frowned when you heard what he said. For the past few weeks, Jungkook had opposed greatly to doing the new format of experiments, since it was on a much larger scale than the previous experiments we had done. Our previous experiments usually ended in scars on our arms, but this new experiment was performed on the whole body. Jungkook had protested against it, because he was too afraid of needles. He had always been less receptive to pain than you. But why did he suddenly agree to do it today?

You looked down on Jungkook’s body, noticing new scars that were on his legs. He quickly tried covering them, saying, “It’s no big deal! It wasn’t even painful!”

You knew it had to be painful. The size of the scarring were just much larger than the usual. You pouted in guilt, hugging Jungkook tightly, “You didn’t have to do that! I bet it hurt so bad!”

“It’s fine, I just wanted to do something for you after all you’ve done for me…” He looked at you, face blushing slightly from your close proximity.

That night, the two of you didn’t sleep, colouring the plain walls with the crayons until dawn broke.

“Pfff. What is that supposed to be?” Jungkook muffled his laughter when he turned to see what you were drawing.

Frowning, you exclaimed, “It’s the galaxy! These are all the planets and all my beautiful stars!”

“Those are supposed to be stars?! They’re so ugly!” Jungkook joked with you.

You threw one of the crayons in his face, ignoring his comments. You didn’t care how ugly your drawing was, you loved seeing the sky and stars shining. Especially the stars. Stars were your favourite thing. Before you came here, you and your mother went stargazing every week, staring into the beautiful sky. Even though you probably would never be able to see them again since you weren’t allowed out of the building, you still held on to the hope that maybe one day you could have that chance again.

You stared at your galaxy for a while before turning over to Jungkook’s side to see what he was drawing.

You were shocked to realise that he was a much better artist than you. You inched closer to his side, smiling when you realised what he drew. A portrait of you and him together, on a lush green field, staring up into a sky full of stars. Although you never told him directly about your love for stars, you realised he must have guessed it from all the times you talked about them and tried drawing them. Your felt your heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of Jungkook being so attentive to your likes.

Your eyes trailed down to below the beautiful drawing to see a small writing below.

‘Y/n and Jungkook together forever!’

—

2015

As the years ticked by quickly, Jungkook started growing from a boy into a man. Once he hit puberty, he shot up like a tree and grew muscles. His featured became more defined and he grew out of his baby fat. You noticed that as Jungkook turned into a teenager, he had also turned more rebellious towards the workers, always unwilling to follow through their instructions and ending up getting punished. Yet he still stayed kind and sweet towards you, acting like the same 10 year old boy when he’s around you.

“One more time and we will not tolerate this anymore! You got it?”

Hearing the faint voice of doctor choi, you quietly get up from your bed and run to your door, peeking out softly, looking in the hallway.

Doctor Choi stood outside of Jungkook’s room in anger, scolding him. You could barely see Jungkook from your angle, only seeing half of his body.

“Ya, ya whatever. I won’t do it again.” Jungkook rolled his eyes and then slammed the door in Doctor Choi’s face, resulting in Doctor Choi stomping away in anger.

When you were sure Doctor Choi was out of sight, you quietly tip toed to Jungkook’s room, knocking on his door impatiently.

“What more do you want? I-“ Jungkook opened the door, annoyed.

When he saw you, he paused and his eyes softened.

“What did you do again? I was so worried when I couldn’t find you this morning! You have to start being more careful! These people have power over our entire lives! You can’t just act recklessly like this!” You immediately pushed past him and entered his room, sitting on his bed, as you looked at him angrily.

He carried a childishly guilty look, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“I didn’t do anything bad! I just kind of sneaked out…”

“What!?? You tried sneaking out again?? Are you crazy? You could get into serious trouble-“

“I didn’t try, I did sneak out. I succeeded.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.

You paused your words in shock.

“Wait what? You sneaked out? Whats outside? Did you see the sky? How did you sneak out?” You bombarded him with questions.

He chickled slightly, sitting beside you in the bed.

“Chill, it’s mostly just greenery. But I found a really nice spot. I’ll take you there tonight.” He smiled gently at you.

You don’t know why you agreed with Jungkook’s ridiculous rebellious plan, but the thought of even a chance of being able to see the night sky again was just too tempting.

So now you and Jungkook were currently hiding in the vents, waiting for the right time to sneak out when nobody was looking. You sat rolled up in a circle beside Jungkook who looked noticeably more uncomfortable than you due to his size. The two of you were inches away from each other and you could feel your face heating up at the close proximity.

“This is really uncomfortable.” You muttered in the awkwardness.

He chuckled stating that it would be worth it.

Sure enough, he was right, as he usually was. When the workers were not looking, he quickly dragged you out of the vent as the two of you ran as quickly and quietly as you could to the spot he was talking about.

“Don’t open your eyes!” Jungkook placed his large hands over your eyes excitedly as he led you quietly to the spot.

You followed him blindly, placing your trust in him.

“OK! Open your eyes now!” You could hear the smile in his voice, excitedly opening your eyes.

When you peeled your eyes open, you stayed silent, in awe at the view you saw. The sky was pitch black, but the bright stars around twinkled in the dark. You felt like crying. You’ve been longing for this view for years. And now that you could see it in real life you didn’t know how to feel.

“I-It’s not the best view but I thought you would like it.” Jungkook said with a shy smile.

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook! I love it so much.” You were on the verge of tears, throwing yourself onto him as you embraced him tightly in gratitude.

You could feel him sigh in relief, hugging you back just as tightly.

“I’m glad you love it.”

The two of you sat on the field in silence, staring at the sky in awe. From your peripheral view, you noticed that Jungkook was looking at you the whole time.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You joked with him as you turned to him momentarily.

“I really wish I could.” He replied.

You kept quietly, not expecting that response. The two of you stayed quiet for a while before you broke the silence.

“My mom used to bring me out to star gaze every week… I miss her so much.”

Jungkook looked at you in slight shock, not knowing how to reply. Though the two of you shared everything with each other, parents were not a topic you commonly discussed as it was pretty sensitive.

As silence engulfed the two of you again, you asked Jungkook, “Do you want a family when you grow up?”

“Yes, but only with the woman I love.” He stared intensely at you.

You looked back into his eyes, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/n, you are the one I lo-“

You cut him off quickly, pressing your finger onto his lips.

“Please don’t, I don’t think I can handle that.” You say apologetically, “I don’t deserve to be loved. My scars, they’re too ugly. I- I’m ugly. I don’t deserve love.” Your tears fumbled your words.

Jungkook’s eyebrows fumbled, his strong arms grabbing your arms gently, relentlessly pulling it towards him even as you tried your best to pull it away. He gently looked at your scars, rubbing onto them as he pulled them to his lips and kissed them gently.

“They’re beautiful y/n, everything about you is beautiful.”

Your tears started pouring as Jungkook looked at you with so much love and affection, kissing your ugly scars with so much care as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world.

“No they’re not, I can’t even look at them. It hurts, Jungkook. I hate everything about myself.” You leaned your head on his shoulders as you cried harder.

Jungkook hesitated for a moment, before grabbing something out from his pocket.

You almost laughed amidst your tears when you saw what he took out. A pink crayon. You remember giving that to him because you refused to use that colour in your drawings, stating that you hated that colour. (mostly because it was the colour of the chair in the rainbow room) As years passed and your crayons were used up, you never knew he had kept that crayon until this day, keeping it in his pocket like that.

You kept quiet as you watched him curiously. He grabbed your arms gently, drawing cute little stars around them.

“Look, now your arm is a cute little galaxy. It’s even more beautiful than the sky up there.” He smiled gently at you.

Looking at your arm now, you chuckled slightly as it did slightly resemble the universe above you. Jungkook used his fingers to wipe away the tears below your eyes.

“Since I kissed your scars, don’t you think you should kiss mine too?” He smirked.

You laughed, tears dissipating as you bent down and kissed the scars on his arm as well. You grabbed the pink crayon, drawing stars around his scars as well. You frowned when you realise his little universe didn’t look nearly as nice as yours.

“Wow you’re trying to make my scars uglier with your ugly stars.” He teased you.

This time, instead of throwing the crayon into his faces, you smiled endearingly as you leaned your head onto his chest, savouring as much as you could of this sweet moment.

“Jungkook… sorry for cutting you off just now. In fact, I-I actually love-“

Just as you were about to confess, you were suddenly interrupted.

“Jeon Jungkook! I told you no more sneaking out! This is it! You will be punished! Grab her!”

You felt yourself being pulled away from Jungkook’s side as two strong men grabbed both sides of your arms.

“Let go of me!” You tried pushing yourself off and using your powers but you were too weak after the experiments this week.

“Stop! Let go of her now!”

You’ve never seen Jungkook this mad before. Jungkook used his powers, twisting the heads of the two men holding you, making them crumble on the floor with blood gushing out of their eyes. You looked at Jungkook in shock.

Before you could run away, more men appeared, grabbing you once again, other men grabbing onto Jungkook.

At this point, you were a sobbing mess and the both of you were unable to escape since Jungkook’s powers were too weak from attacking the two men.

Jungkook was fuming, struggling in the grip of the two men, as he repeatedly shouted, “Don’t hurt her! Please! Let her go!”

You could feel yourself getting weaker as the men holding you placed a device onto your arm, draining your energy.

“This is your punishment, Jungkook. You’ll never see her again.”

That was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.

——

2016

You barely saw Jungkook again after that. They moved his room into another wing, and held his experiments elsewhere. You were back to 2005, lonely and depressed.

The only times you heard of Jungkook were through overhearing gossips from the workers.

“He caused a ruckus again, asking to see y/n. “

Your heart ached, longing to see him once again as well, and also concerned that he would be punished for being uncooperative.

You started focusing more on following the doctor’s instructions, with the hope that you could rid of your powers quickly so you could be released together with Jungkook. You were starting to see hope, everyday your powers were slightly diminishing and becoming weaker as you focused diligently during your experiments. Although as your powers grew weaker, you noticed you were becoming weaker as well. You’d lost a bit of weight and strength. But that didn’t falter you. You were too determined on losing your powers and escaping the facility.

Every morning, you would wake up to the fading drawing of you and Jungkook together watching the sky, bringing you back to the memory of that cursed night. Nights ended with you daydreaming on what could have been if you guys weren’t separated. You just wished you could have seen him one more time.

You didn’t know that your wish would have came true so soon.

It was 2am at night. You were lying on your bed, staring at the stars you had drawn on your ceiling with the crayons Jungkook gave years back. When someone entered your room quietly.

“Y/n, I have no time to explain. You have to come with me now.”

You looked up, shocked at the familiar voice. Sure enough, it was Jungkook in the flesh. He had an anxious look on his face, as if he was in a rush.

“W-what? How?” You didn’t know how to react after seeing him for the first time in so long. He looked the same from the last time you met him, except he grew buffer and more handsome. You looked at his arms, realising he still had pink stars that looked like the ones you drew around his scars. You assumed that he had traced over the stars when they started to fade so that they would stay intact. You let out a small smile at that.

He grabbed your wrist tightly, dragging you out of your room in a rush as he kept looking around for workers. You were still in a state of shock, unable to say a word as you followed him. When he was sure no one was in the hallway, he dragged you into the janitors room, closing the door.

He turned to you, glossy eyes looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered in his life.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

The two of you stood in silence for a few seconds until Jungkook remembered why he came to find you.

“Look, y/n, we have a chance to escape. No, we need to escape. I found out something about the facility here. They have no plans to actually cure us, they can’t. They plan to have us stay here forever, to contain us and weaken us so we can’t escape. They’re afraid of us, y/n. And they can kill us at any time. They couldn’t kill us previously because the government did not allow it with the public watching. But with time passing, I overheard them saying that the public is forgetting and the government gave them the green light to kill us anytime we prove we’re a threat. We need to go, y/n.”

You knew this time it wasn’t a joke. Jungkook had never put on such a serious face before, and you could only nod at whatever he was saying. It was weird, the way you trusted him so easily. But he was the only person in your life who ever truly understood you and supported you. Maybe that was why you agreed to easily to whatever he said.

“W-when do we leave?” Your mind was still confused at how fast things were escalating. A moment ago you were just about to fall asleep, and now you were about to escape from the only place you’ve been in for the past few years of your life.

“Now.”

You followed him quietly as the two of you entered the vent you’d once been in. Memories of that horrible day came into your mind, but you pushed them away. Despite having an inkling that something about his plan could go wrong, you tried ignoring that thought, hoping it would be a success and that the two of you could actually leave together.

The two of you crawled through the vent, going a different route from the previous time. When he stopped abruptly, you stopped as well, waiting for his instructions. Looking down from the vent through the tiny holes, you realised you were above the main entrance of the building, the same entrance you and your mother had walked through the first time you entered.

You held your breath at the memory of that day. You hadn’t seen this door since that day in 2005 since it was always blocked off by guards and lots of protection. You felt heartbeat increase, maybe there really was hope at an escape.

“Ok on my signal you follow me and jump down, alright?” Jungkook turned around to look at you as he whispered. You nodded determinedly in response.

When Jungkook mouthed the word ‘now’ to you, he kicked off an opening on the vent and jumped down onto the floor as you followed along. As you jumped down, you stumbled slightly, but Jungkook caught you, steadying you with his arms.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” The guards, who had been on break took notice of us and ran after us from a few meters away.

“Run!”

Jungkook grabbed your arm tightly, pulling you along with him as the two of you ran for your lives out of the building.

As you ran, you started panicking as all you could see around you were greenery. But then hope came again when you could see a town with people and buildings in the far distance. There was a chance the two of you could make it.

You ran harder, locking hands with Jungkook as you both ran towards the town.

Bang!

The sound of the gunshot resonated through the forest. You didn’t feel any pain. But that made you feel worse. Because you knew it was Jungkook that had been shot.

“Shit…” Jungkook groaned in pain as he grabbed onto his stomach, blood gushing out.

Despite the pain, he didn’t give up, dragging you to a blind spot in the forest behind a tree where no one could see the two of you.

You placed him gently on the floor as tears flowed down your eyes uncontrollably.

“No…no, please…” You muttered as you tried putting pressure on the wound.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Go. Go without me.” He said with little energy.

“No! No… I’m not leaving you here.” At this point you could barely see anything, everything blurred from your tears.

“You have to go now y/n… please… I love you so much…” He said with tears.

“Sorry, y/n, I didn’t want to show you my new power this way, but I have no choice.” He said weakly.

You were confused for a moment, until he grabbed onto your arm and said, “You will run as fast as you can to the town there and not look back once. And you will never ever return to this place.”

Instantaneously after his command, your legs stood up without your will and ran towards the town.

“W-wait! Jungkook! I love you! Stop this now! Please! I’m begging you!”

Your words were no use, your legs following Jungkook’s command as you couldn’t even look back to give a final glance at him.

When you reached the town, you broke down on the street immediately, wanting to run back to help him, but you physically couldn’t.

2018

Healing was hard. Especially without Jungkook. But eventually you moved on, like you always do. After escaping, you found a small job as a cashier at a convenience store, becoming close friends with the old grandma who owned the store. Your income was not a lot, but it was enough for three meals a day and rent for a small apartment. You went on that way for about 2 years, until realising you were too lonely and needed a new companion. And so you adopted an 8 year old golden retriever who had previously been used for animal testing. The moment you saw the scars on his frail little body, you broke down and sobbed at the adoption drive in front of dozens of people. You knew at that moment that he was yours. You named him Jeon Bibi.

—

13 June, 2020

“Jeon Bibi! The park is this way, where are you bringing me to?” You chuckled at your dog’s cute behaviour as he excitedly dragged you away to the opposite direction of the park you usually walked to.

“Ok, ok you’re the boss, i’ll follow you.” You smile affectionally at him as you trail behind him, curious to find out where he was bringing you to.

When Bibi came to an abrupt stop, you realised that he stopped behind the tall silhouette of a man’s back. You looked up curiously at the man, wondering why Bibi brought you to him. The man whipped around when he felt Bibi sniffing his hands.

You felt your breath hitch as the familiar man turned around, staring deeply into your eyes. For a moment, time stopped. Your eyes turned glossy as years of memories flashed passed your mind in an instant, the walls you’ve built around your heart demolishing in a split second. Your eyes trailed from his slightly longer, curlier black hair down to his large brown doe eyes, and to his pink lips, adorning a new lip piercing. You brought your eyes down to his body, noticing he became even buffer and taller. Then your eyes reached his arms and you felt your heart stop, looking at the scars that you once rubbed, kissed, newly decorated by familiar stars that were now permanently inked onto his skin.

He seemed equally shocked as he stared at you, tears brimming his widened eyes.

You both didn’t move an inch, staring into each other’s eyes. You were the first to break the silence.

“I thought you said my stars were ugly.”

He broke into laughter amidst his tears at the fact that that was your first comment after meeting him. You could feel your heart squeeze at his laughter. God, you missed him so, so much. You found yourself laughing along to his contagious laughter. For a moment, it felt like the two of you were 10 again, laughing without any worries.

“Y/n, everything about you is beautiful, even your ugly stars.” He ceased his laughter, small smile on his face as he looked at you intensely, years of memories hidden behind those eyes.

He paused for a second, hesitating before confessing.

“Y/n, I love yo-“

Before he could finish, you cut him off by taking a step closer to him and smashing your lips against his. He instantly melted into the kiss, grabbing you tightly, scared you would be separated again. You hugged him back tighter, reassuring him that the two of you would stay together forever.

After all, he was your star, your salvation, the one who made you love your scars, the one taught you acceptance and love, the one who made living worth it.

A/N: I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Ifeel so attached to them i cant do this rn i’m so sad. if u don’t understand the last part basically he REMEMBERED THE SHAPE OF HER STARS AND GOT A TATTOO OF THEM EVEN THOUGH HE HATES NEEDLES OK 😭😭😭😭ok but actually this piece was a bit of a rush since i wanted to quickly post it before my great war so it may be a bit incomplete at parts ANYWAYS PRAY FOR MY GREAT TICKETING WAR TMR🙏🙏THANKS LOVELIES FOR READING and do give comments if u can because i love reading feedback <3

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jjk x reader #jjk one shot #jungkook one shot #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts fics #jungkook fics #bts angst #jungkook au #bts hospital au #bts powers au #bts friends to lovers #bts childhood friends au

[godlizzza]

If you still take prompt requests, I just finished reading The Couple Down the Street! Augh, it was so good!!! If possible, I’d love to see moments of Herb being caught acting like a (reluctant) father figure / guardian / mentor to Piper, and then denying he does so whenever Dan mentions it, I feel like that might happen every so often, especially with her father now in the state that he is 🥺

Dan's preferred strategy when Piper was around was to blend into the background. He would observe them from a distance, popping his head into the lab every now and then to ask them if everything was okay? Did they need some snacks? Maybe a lemonade? Oddly enough, it was Herbert who took Dan up on these offers more so than Piper. The young girl was always far too absorbed in whatever task she and Herbert were performing to be tempted by such trivialities as graham crackers.

Whatever cloth Herbert originated from, Piper was cut from the same one.

Dan had told himself he was fine with Piper's frequent presence in their home and lab. Herbert was just about the most stubborn person Dan had ever met, and he knew it was pointless to fight him on this 'apprentice' idea. So, he did what he often did to sustain his and Herbert's marriage: he compromised.

Piper could come over three days a week, never staying past 6pm, not for consecutive days, and she could only enter the lab after her homework was done. This last stipulation didn't appear to be too much of a problem, as she was always excited to show her work to Herbert, who would diligently check it over and give a firm nod if it met his standards. Dan didn't miss the way Piper's eyes sparkled when Herbert doled out praise to her, even if it was a curt, "Very good." She stilled beamed, nonetheless. He would always see Herbert pretend not to notice.

It was one such afternoon just after Piper had skipped out the door to make the short bike ride to her mother, Mandy's, house that Dan noticed the crayon drawing she'd left behind on the kitchen counter. He glanced down at two crudely drawn figures that could only be Piper and Herbert. They were standing in what looked to be the lab, little blobs of colour he took to be beakers of fluid surrounding them as they held hands, both smiling. She always drew Herbert with a smile, confirming her overactive imagination.

Dan stared at the drawing with an odd kernel of disquiet brewing in his stomach. It was one thing for them to have an apprentice, it was another thing entirely for a young child to be imprinting on Herbert like a lost duckling.

You just don't like kids, his mind whispered to him and he promptly shushed it.

"What's that?"

Dan turned at the sound of Herbert's voice, watching his husband dry off his hands on a rag and reach for the fridge with a tired sigh. Dan held out the paper and Herbert took it without question. He glanced at the page as he took a swig straight from the open carton of orange juice that had been sitting in the fridge door for the past two days. Dan didn't like how pulpy it was.

Herbert swallowed with relish and said, "Charming," in a straight tone.

"You're not put off by it?" Dan asked, and Herbert levelled a critical stare at him.

"She's not even seven, Dan. It hardly feels fair to judge her artistic talents too harshly."

Dan rolled his eyes as Herbert wordlessly pinned the picture in place on the fridge with a magnet shaped like an apple.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, don't you think it's weird that she's drawn more pictures of your than she has of her own father?"

"Given that her father currently possesses all the personality of a doorstop," Herbert droned, returning the juice to its corner of solitude, "I would have to say no."

Dan shook his head as he paced out of the kitchen and towards their bedroom. He began to unbutton his shirt, anticipating pulling his pajamas on and crawling into bed. He'd worked nearly twelve hours at the hospital that day and babysitting Herbert and Piper had taken the last of his energy.

"I should've known you'd love being the center of attention," he mumbled sleepily. "Even if that attention's coming from a first grader."

Herbert scoffed at his back but didn't offer up any kind of rebuke. Dan also didn't press him for one.

He simply changed into his night clothes and collapsed onto the plush mattress. Herbert had always been stingy when it came to furniture, arguing that with how often they moved, it was hardly worth investing in anything new and expensive. The one thing Dan had been immovable on was a good quality, comfy mattress, and he felt he could kiss his past self for that one instance of resolution.

Already, he could feel himself being dragged away into unconsciousness. He didn't even register Herbert sliding into bed beside him. Not until he felt arms wrapping around him from behind, pulling his back up against a warm body. He hummed in pleasure and shuffled back against Herbert's front, greedy for the warmth emanating off of him.

"I'm not teaching her for the attention," Herbert said into his ear and Dan nodded against the pillow.

"Mm. Whatever you say, Daddy."

He instantly felt Herbert go rigid behind him.

"Never say that to me again," Herbert said stiffly.

Dan bit down on his lip but the smile still bloomed across his face regardless.

"Okay, Mr. Teacher."

#herbert west #dan cain #danbert #re-animator #reanimator #my fics #asks #writing prompt #glad you enjoyed! #the couple down the street

[jodithann827]

One Night Stand (Revised)

9/13

This chapter is rated teen/ Ao3/ @today-in-fic

Ray’s Deli

Saturday, April 17 1993

*Ding Ding*

The ringing of the bell on the door announces their presence. Walking into the small deli, Emma lodged on one hip, Scully pauses, searching. She spots him, sitting across the room at a small corner table, out of the way of the hustle and bustle of the lunchtime rush. She steadily makes her way towards him and notices a small high chair in place of where a chair should be. Her heart melts, just a bit, realizing he purposefully sought out one for Emma to sit in. He stands as she approaches.

“Hey Scully,” he greets her, a sheepish grin on his face. She thinks it’s adorable, him being cautious, not fully sure how he should act around her now. She gently places Emma into the high chair before gathering some small toys to occupy her. She then focuses on herself, removing her jacket, a lightweight spring one that she places over the back of her chair.

“Hi Mulder, thanks for grabbing the high chair for her,” she offers him a wide smile. Smiling back, he nods, but his eyes wander to Emma, they are magnetized to her face. All he can do is stare. He saw her last night, but it’s as though he’s really and truly seeing her for the first time today. She’s enchanting, the most beautiful child he’s ever seen.

“Emmy, do you remember my friend from last night? Mulder? Can you say hi” Scully prompts the child, gently combing two fingers through her hair. Emma briefly looks up, acknowledging her mother said something to her but then is right back to her toys.

“She’s pretty shy around new people,” Scully explains, grabbing a menu to decide her order. It’s a tactic and she knows it. She frequents this deli enough to know the menu by heart, but having it close gives her something to do with her trembling hands. Mulder nods in recognition and they are quickly interrupted by a well-intentioned waitress, wanting to take their orders. Once the minutiae of ordering is out of the way, they stare at each other, a bit awkwardly, not knowing who should break the silence first.

“When’s her birthday?” Mulder finally asks, unable to handle the silence. He figures it a fairly easy question.

Scully takes a sip of water before answering. “February 15th. She was born in the middle of a blizzard. Some 6 inches of snow on the ground when I went to the hospital.”

“When did you find out?” he asks without elaborating, knowing she knows.

“About six weeks after. There was a stomach bug going around, so I thought I was sick. I was training at Quantico, pushing myself to the brink so I thought it was exhaustion on top of possibly having a bug. My friend Ellen, the one who I was at the bar with that evening, she’s the one who suggested I take a test. I was floored when it came back positive.”

“We were careful, Scully,” he blurts, then lowers his head, embarrassed if anyone overheard him. He looks ashamed, but she gives him a forgiving smile.

“I know Mulder, I was there,” she tells him softly. She realizes she'd been living the life for over two years, while he was just given the information yesterday. Understandably, he needs time to comprehend, to adjust. “Condoms aren’t one hundred percent effective.” She looks at him, looking at Emma, who had abandoned her toys in favor of the crayons and paper that were within her reach.

“Look, Mulder, I know we’re in a strange situation. It is weird and difficult, and awkward as hell. It’s a life that you may or may not have imagined yourself in. I just want you to know that I am ok. Emma is okay. It took a while for us to get to this place, but we are. We are happy and healthy and living our lives. We don’t need anything,” she hopes she doesn’t sound harsh, as it’s certainly not her intention. She wants him to understand that she doesn’t need anything from him.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asks.

“You just did,” she smiles, her attempts at lightening the mood fall slightly flat with the arrival of the waiter and their food. Scully busies herself tending to Emma, cutting her food, and moving the toys. She turns to look at Mulder. “Of course, Mulder, you can ask me anything.”

“If you knew how to get ahold of me, would you have?” He waits for her answer, which comes immediately as the words leave his mouth.

“I never would have kept anything from you. You know, even before I found out I was pregnant, the day after we met, I went through my apartment with a fine tooth comb, looking for anything, any clue, that would give a glimpse as to your identity. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything, and it’s not like I could use the FBI database to find you, though nothing would have come up, William,” she emphasizes with a slight laugh. “I wanted to tell you so badly, Mulder. That night we had, it was amazing and I tried to deny the connection, if I’m being honest, because it terrified me. Never in a million years did I expect any of this to happen, even though she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.” She pauses, ruffling Emma’s hair. In turn, Emma provides a fistful of pancakes into Scully’s mouth, which makes Mulder bark out a surprised laugh. Emma, understanding she did something funny, attempts to do it again, much to Scully’s amusement.

After wiping her syrupy face, Scully continues. “Look, Mulder, when you sat in that hotel room in Oregon and disclosed everything you’d been through with Samantha, well it made me realize that I couldn’t dump this situation on you, not that Em is a situation, but you know what I mean. You have so much going on with your work and your search for the truth. You said it yourself; nothing else matters–”

“But Scully,” he interrupts. She holds a hand up, indicating she’s not finished. Her voice is steady and even when she continues.

“I love my job, but Emma is my world, my everything. She comes first in my life, no matter what. I live and breathe for her and we have a pretty good life going for us. She’s not lacking anything. My intent is not for you to feel like you need to step in or step up. I’m going to leave it up to you, but I don’t want you to feel pressure. If you want to be in her life as my friend and co-worker, that’s fine. If you want to be cool Uncle Mulder, that’s okay too. If you decide that you want to be a father to her, I won’t stop you. But the one thing I absolutely will not tolerate is having her hurt by significant people going in and out of her life,” she pauses to let him digest the information and after a moment passes, she adds, “I don’t want an answer from you right now. It’s a big decision and I want you to take some time to think about it.”

He hears Scully’s words, but can’t help his continued gaze at Emma. Deep in his heart, he knows he’s already falling in love with her. He acknowledges Scully’s words with a slight nod, not trusting his voice.

“It might change our working relationship or this friendship we seem to be developing, but I’m willing to try and figure it out if it’s something you want,” she tells him.

“Scully,” he says, finally finding his forgotten voice. She looks at him, her skeptical gaze searing into Mulder’s memory. He pushes forward with his request. “I’d like to spend the day with you ladies if that’s okay. Scully looks at Emma, who’s polished off most of her pancakes, at least the ones she didn’t feed to Scully, smiles, and nods.

Scully Residence

Saturday, April 17 1993

Exhaustion. He feels it from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Every body part aches and he feels as though he could sleep a million hours. But his heart is full, bursting at the seams. He nurses a beer as he sinks further into Scully’s couch and thinks about the day he had. Once they’d finished lunch it was decided that an adventure to the local park was needed. At first, Mulder was hesitant. Mr. ‘willing to jump into any dangerous situation that crossed his path’ was nervous about playing with a small child. He’d sat back and watched Scully interact with her daughter; his daughter; their daughter. She’d pushed her on the swing, crawled up the plaything, down the slide, and chased her around the woodchips. He wasn’t sure who his eye was drawn to more, Emma or her mother. He would have been content to sit there all day, just watching them in their blissful happiness.

Out of the blue, Emma toddled up to him, grasped his pinky finger, which dwarfed her microscopic hand, and attempted to pull him to the swings. “Push,” she demanded with a giggle. Mulder had looked at Scully, looking for permission. The mega-wat smile on her face was all he needed. He lifted Emma, placed her on the rough material, and started pushing. He was overcome with joy, as well as astonishment. He couldn’t believe how light and little she was. She clapped her hands and squealed with the delight of a child on a summer day each time Mulder’s hand connected with her back. Every so often, he would turn to face Scully, needing assurance that he was still doing okay, and each time he was rewarded with a smile.

After their romp at the park, Mulder suggested a quest for ice cream, which delighted Emma. He wasn’t sure if more of the melted cone ended up in the little one’s stomach or on her face and clothing. The icing on the proverbial cake was when Emma decided to reenact feeding Scully and Scully ended up with melted chocolate ice cream on her face and in her hair, and though she tried to be annoyed, she laughed right along with Mulder and Emma. Without thinking, Mulder took a napkin and dapped at the sticky substance on her cheek. He couldn’t get over how natural the day had felt.

Squeals of delight brought him back to the present. Scully was bathing Emma, possibly unsuccessfully if the sounds coming from the bathroom were any indication. It sounded more like an exuberant playtime. What am I going to do, he thinks to himself while he waits for them to finish. Knowing he has a monumental decision to make, he takes another sip of beer. It’s a two-fold problem. No, problem isn’t the right term because any fool would be lucky to be in his shoes. But it was an issue he had to address, sooner rather than later. He’s a father, and nothing would change that. Emma had already captured his heart with her soft eyes, warm smile, and joyful attitude. If it was just about Emma, his choice would be easy. But who’s he kidding? None of this is easy. There’s Emma, and then there’s Scully. He’d be lying to himself if he admitted he didn’t think about that night often. How easily they communicated that night, how much fun they had, and how mindblowing the sex was. He was also really enjoying working with her on the X-files. She challenged him in ways he’d never been challenged before. She made him think and work for his theories. How sustainable would the partnership be? Would he be able to be a father to his child and just be a friend to her mother? There were so many questions racing through his mind.

“I started to put her down,” her voice startles him. He turns to see Scully, holding a pajama-clad Emma. “She keeps saying ‘Mudder’ so I’m thinking she wants to say goodnight to you.” Emma reaches out her arms to Mulder as Scully comes closer and Mulder’s arms automatically lift to receive her.

“Goodnight sweet Emma,” he nuzzles into her cheek.

“Night Mudder,” her sweet voice carries through the room. She yawns and snuggles into his chest, her eyelids heavy and her thumb going straight into her mouth.

“Do you want to put her to bed?” Scully asks in a hushed tone. He nods and stands, ever so carefully, a man holding the most precious gift, and follows Scully to Emma’s room. He places her, softly, into her crib. Instinctively, he kisses his fingers and then places them onto Emma’s cheek, before smoothing her hair out of her face. They carefully back out of the room and retreat to the front of Scully’s apartment, Scully, in search of a glass of wine, and Mulder, in search of his half-finished beer.

Once enveloped in the couch, Scully lets out a monstrous yawn after giving Mulder a shy and apologetic smile. “I love her so much, but she can be exhausting at times.” Mulder gives her a skeptical glance and redacts her statement. “Okay, all of the time.” Mulder nods approvingly.

They sit in silence for a while before Mulder praises her. “I don’t know how you do it, Scully. I barely survived the day.”

“You get used to it and it helps that she is a good girl. My family helped out a lot in the beginning. They still help a lot since I am working more now,” she explains.

“Will you…” he starts but trails off. He hesitates, watching her sip her wine.

Sensing his trepidation, she gives an encouraging nod. “What, Mulder? Ask me, it’s okay. I told you I would tell you anything.” Her voice is soft and reassuring.

“Would you feel comfortable enough to tell me about her birth? I don’t mean the details, you don’t have to share those, but maybe just the experience?” Scully is taken by surprise. The request is the furthest thing she thought he would ask. Smiling, she nods and takes his hand. Then she begins.

#dana scully #fox mulder #the x files fanfic #x files #au fanfiction #msr #msr fanfic #baby Emma #family day #how will this work

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 24

All right, this is it, the 17th Angel. Let's see what gonzo powers this one has...

Not quite what I was expecting, but I am impressed.

Uh... So Asuka's completely incapable of piloting her Eva, so I guess she ran away for like a week and she's been living in the bathtub of a wrecked house. The episode opens with a vision of Li'l Asuka running home to tell her mother about how she got accepted into the Eva program or something, and then she finds her mother hanging from a noose. Her dad had died sometime prior to this, I guess.

Later, we see her lying catatonic in a hospital bed, and that's baiscally it for Asuka this episode. Her arc was getting bleak but this is just awful. Let's move on.

Meanwhile, Gendo Ikari questions Ritsuko and asks why she destroyed the Dummy Plug system last time. Ritsuko talks about how her cat recently died, and she hadn't seen it in years, because of her work at NERV. Then she says she's not happy anymore, even when Gendo makes love to her. Oh wow. Well that settles that, then.

Do you think Gendo holds his hands over his mouth while he's doing the deed? Just props his elbows on the head of the bed and stares into the wall pensively while he thrusts his hips? Maybe I should find something else to talk about. Sorry.

Gendo says she's disappointed him, and she says he can't be disappointed, because he never had any expectations of her at all. She's nothing to him and she always was. This does put into perspective all the times Gendo has expressed disappointment in Shinji. Like, it's just a thing he says. Ultimately, it's meaningless.

What about Shinji? Well, he could really use someone to talk to after the startling revelation about Rei. The trouble is that there isn't anyone left. Asuka's... yeah. Misato's off doing her own thing. Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney left town. I didn't realize it at the time, but Tokyo-3 got wrecked in the recent Angel battles. Probably the 13th Angel, mainly.

There is Rei, but Shinji has no idea how to even act around Rei. I mean, it was never easy interacting with Rei, but now it's not even the same Rei? Or something? He can't talk to her is the point.

Then he meets this kid singing to himself amongst the wreckage. He introduces himself as Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child and newest Eva Pilot. He's been recruited to replace Asuka, although it isn't clear if she's been kicked off the team just yet.

Everyone's kind of suspicious of the new kid, probably because he's so damn chipper and he isn't dealing with the trauma of dead parents or whatever. Also they have him do sync tests and his scores are excellent even before they reconfigured Unit 02 for him. He's a little too good to be true, and everyone in NERV seems to know it.

After the tests, the boys take a shower together, and when Shinji says he prefers to stay at the base late because he doesn't like spending time at home anymore, Kaworu invites him to sleep over at his place.

He also flirts a little with Shinji, and Shinji blushes. Today I was looking up what people were so angry about when Neon Genesis Evangelion was added to Netflix, and one of the gripes was that they edited out a scene featuring "a key piece of gay subtext". I wondered what that was, and yeah. I may not be the sharpest knife in the crayon box, but this looks pretty gay to me.

I will admit, this isn't something I usually think about when I watch or read stories, but in Shinji's case it probably never would have occurred to me, because of all the emotional baggage we've seen in the first 23 episodes. But now that we're here, it kind of makes sense. This kid's got so much trouble expressing his emotions and figuring out what he wants that it might have taken him a million years to work out that he's into boys. I mean, he apologizes for things that aren't even remotely his fault, and is desperate for the approval of others. He's not going to come out of the closet if there's even the slightest chance that someone might disapprove.

They don't go any further than that, but they do have a sleepover, and Shinji tells him that he hates his dad, which he's expressed in the past, but never quite so directly and succinctly. Shinji wonders why he would tell Kaworu this, of all people. I think, Shinji's sexuality aside, Kaworu showed up in just the right place and time and made himself available in just the kind of way Shinji needed at that moment. He wanted someone to talk to, and suddenly Kaworu's there to grant his wish. Kaworu just makes Shinji feel at ease, maybe for the first time ever.

Meanwhile, SEELE has resolved to put a stop to Gendo Ikari and his usurpation of NERV. SEELE created NERV to further its own agenda, but they feel Gendo has warped NERV to service his agenda instead.

Meanwhile, Gendo Ikari talks to Eva Unit 01, and addresses it as Yui, his dead wife. According to him, the Lance of Longius was in their way, so he wanted it thrown into outer space, whether SEELE liked that or not. He believes the 17th Angel, the last one, will appear soon, and with its death, he and Yui shall have their wish granted at last. Huh.

Oh, also earlier on, Kaworu introduced himself to Rei and told her that they were alike. She stays up all night wondering why she's still alive, and what Kaworu meant. What is it they have in common?

Meanwhile, Misato does some digging on Kaworu and discovers that he has the ability to increase his synchronization with the Evas at will. Like, he can control it completely if he wants, or he can lower his sync score to make it seem like he's not as good at it. That's supposed to be impossible, so Misato goes to Ritsuko, who I guess is in a NERV detention facility. She asks Ritsuko what Kaworu is, and she speculates that he's the final Angel. I was about to ask why Ritsuko never mentioned this earlier, but I forgot, she's turning against NERV, so her answer would probably be "'Cause fuck'em."

But before Misato can act on this informaiton, Kaworu makes his move. He activates Unit 02 and takes it down to the room where Adam is. Everyone's shocked, mostly because Kaworu doesn't even have to be inside the Eva to control it. He just floats alongside the thing as they head downstairs.

But also, as Admiral Clownshoes points out, SEELE is behind this. They knew what this kid was and they sent him to NERV knowing he would launch an attack.

And just so there's no confusion on this point, we cut to SEELE who talk amongst themselves about how they planned for this to happen. They expect this to be Gendo's final stand, and that he'll use Eva Unit 01 to stop Kaworu. So do they plan on NERV winning this fight? I assumed this showdown with the 17th Angel would happen regardless, so maybe SEELE's play here is to force the confrontation on their terms, so that the outcome is more favorable to them than for Gendo.

Because, the worst case scenario here is that Kaworu wins and destroys the world. Right? I mean, that's what this has been about from the start. Why would SEELE take such a gamble? How did they even arrange this? Did they look up "17th Angel" in the Yellow Pages, call him up and go "Hey, we want to pull a prank on Gendo. You want in on this?"

Maybe they just discovered Kaworu's infiltration and chose to let it play out. This implies that they can detect Angels much more effectively than NERV, which seems kind of backwards. If they have superior intel on the Angels, then why is Gendo the one running NERV?

As SEELE anticipated, Gendo sends Shinji to intercept in Unit 01. At first, Shinji refuses to believe that Kaworu is an Angel, but then he gets furious at Kaworu for betraying him and using his emotions against him. Kaworu's as bad as his father, Shinji says, which is as good a motivation as any.

But Shinji can't attack Kaworu while he's got Unit 02 to back him up. Shinji asks how he can control Unit 02, and Kaworu explains that he and the Eva are both made from the same type of Angelic tissues, from Adam. So it's child's play for him to control the Eva. Shouldn't that mean the other Angels would have had the same ability? I guess it doesn't work when they have pilots inside. Whatever.

As the battle progresses, Misato orders her dude at the controls to initiate a self-destruct on the whole base if Shinji's signal is lost. She reasons that it would be better to destroy the whole facility and die than to allow Kaworu to reach Adam and trigger Third Impact. Wait, is that still the lore? I thought they debunked that a while back?

But as Kaworu draws closer, they detect another powerful AT field, and they think it's another Angel. Well, no, it's just Rei. Your guess is as good as mine.

As Kaworu draws closer to Adam, he waxes philosophic about this. From the way he speaks of it, it's like he's compelled to return to Adam, because he was born from Adam. So maybe this was why all of the Angels headed for Tokyo-3. It's an instinctive compulsion, like salmon swimming upstream. But Kaworu seems to find it tragic that his instinctive compulsion will lead to the destruction of humanity.

Then he gets closer and realizes this isn't Adam at all but... Lilith? Who the hell is Lilith? Apparently this wasn't what Kaworu had in mind. He refers to humans as "Lilim", implying that they're the descendants of Lilith, just as the Angels and Evas are born of Adam, but... I dunno.

And in this moment of confusion, Shinji manages to catch up to Kaworu and grab him. If I understand correctly, Rei's AT field is neutralizing his own? And Shinji managed to overpower Unit 02, so Kaworu is defenseless. He seems more relieved than worried.

Kaworu explains that one one life form can inherit the future, Angels or humans, and he seems to have developed an admiration for humanity, perhaps from the time he spent living among them. Now that he's reached this place, he's content to die here, for life and death are of no great consequence to him. But he warns Shinji that he must kill him, because if Shinji doesn't, humanity will surely be doomed.

It's weird how this is the only Angel who can talk and he's even more cryptic and weird than the rest. I wonder if they all felt this way about it. It was all just a weird routine for them, and they don't particularly care if they win or lose as long as it's over.

Shinji begs him to explain what the fuck he's talking about, but this is all the explanation he's going to get. Either kill Kaworu or the whole world dies. At this, everyone just sort of freezes in place for... maybe two minutes? And then finally Shinji crushes him and his head falls into the Tang pool beneath Adam. Or Lilith. Who cares?

Later, we see Gendo and Rei watching Unit 01 getting the blood washed off it.

Elsewhere, Shinji talks to Misato and mourns Kaworu's death. He told Shinji he loved him, and he had never heard such kind words before. Shinji thinks Kaworu should have survived, but Misato counters that Kwaoru had given up his will to survive, and thus forfeited his right to live. That's kind of harsh.

Here's my version: Whatever Kaworu was, he seemed to only value his life as far as the time he spent with Shinji. And so if he had won, and Shinji perished with humanity, what would Kaworu have left to live for? That's why he said life and death are equal to him. It didn't matter because in his view, both were the same fate, but at least Shinji and his kind could grow and evolve to find new purpose. So if only one or the other can have the future, then it's only fair that it go to the one that can actually do something with it.

Anyway, the bigger picture here is that we just saw the last Angel die, and yet there's still two more episodes to go. What, does everyone just have a pizza party now? Asuka was despondent about not being an Eva pilot, but what good is being an Eva pilot when there's no more Angels to fight?

There is, of course, the SEELE vs. Gendo conflict to sort out, but it's hard to get invested in that when both sides are assholes, and I have no idea what either of them wanted. For all I know, they both won today.

Also, Shinji won, but he's still not happy. Kid, there's other boys in the world, if that's what's bothering you.

#neon genesis evangelion #2024ngeliveblog #shinji ikari #rei ayanami #asuka langley soryu #misato katsuragi #ritsuko akagi #gendo ikari #kaworu nagisa #clownshoes

[enby-hawke]

Alright settle in for a story ya'll cause it's a long one.

At the beginning of the week I was dancing, singing, being helpful, just smiling. But you see I just needed to recover after my family kind of took my medicine in a forced detox and almost killed me. (previous legal post if you're curious) Now today I'm screaming at everyone and wanting to end my life over a lost tablet pen.

I got into a fight with my bf and it just was the last straw. I was like I don't want to go but take me to the mental hospital. If I get into one more fight something bad will happen.

I checked myself into the hospital and agreed to do a 5150 on the agreement they wouldn't send me to Merced California's Mary Greens. The head nurse bitch there told me if I ever came back there she would never let me leave. (My wife had to fight to get me out for 3 months).

They sent me to Santa Rose Behavioral Health Clinic. At first, the place seemed nice. I even got a pamphlet of my rights. Like the nerd I am I read it.

And realized that they were breaking the law left and right.

At the beginning, I asked for a space to worship and they led me around until they straight up told me they wouldn't. I asked every nurse I could and no one would work with me. I am a filipino pagan, and my religion was destroyed by Catholics so there are no clergy or Bibles I am just trying to recreate what I can by my research of the Gods of Visaya.

I even asked legal, a woman named Dory, and she straight up told me the facility couldn't provide it and with a straight face tried to convince me that was okay. I realized she was in the pockets of the company and ended my interview with her.

I didn't get to worship until the day I was released because my pagan case manager bought the supplies herself.

I wasn't trying to find dirt. I swear. I was just trying to get through my stay. I was supposed to be there 3 days but it turned into 5? 6? I don't know. The drugs they gave me made me so foggy and I am having a lot of pain and trouble since I went there.

I explained to them I wanted as little drugs as possible. I kept a journal that was supposed to be my medical journal too (I know nerd) and I started on 600mg of gabapentin but by the end of my stay without my consent I was upped to 1200mg of gabapentin. My wife gets seizures and the most they ever put her on was 900mg. A nurse there who eavesdropped on my conversation with my wife (also illegal) tried to convince me that it was okay for me to be on as much as 1800mg of gabapentin and they put the kids on more than me. I told him that didn't sound safe.

And worst of all nurse Allon. I thought he was cool. We were having a great conversation and his wife was a gender studies major and I was excited to know more. But then the first night with him I was able to write in the hallway. The next night I wasn't even allowed to write with a crayon in my room.

You see I have bipolar which gives me an energy bunny in my soul. I usually only need 4-6 hours of sleep. They kept trying to give me trazodone which I kept telling them would interact with my latuda and give me a manic episode but they didn't even switch it to another sleeping med.

I also told them I didn't want sleeping meds. As an Asian I would prefer preventative measures such as exercise, diet, herbs, and coping skills rather than just shoving medications down my throat. Well, guess what they did.

It is illegal for the staff to medicate a patient for their own convenience.

Nurse Allon 2 nights ago decided it wasn't okay for me to write in the hallway for whatever reason. I was upset as it was 3:30 and they expected me to do nothing but read study books (with no highlighter or anything to take notes with) for 4 hours or just sit and 'think'. I demanded my usual coping mechanism because it wasn't an unreasonable request. They refused. I asked for something to go back to sleep with. They refused. They sent me to my room.

So I cried. And then that turned into praying. And then that's when things got super shitty.

Nurse Allon called my episode a tantrum. I tried to call the patients advocate line or 988 but the phones were off. They coerced me into taking a drug to go to sleep. They claim it was seroquel. But that's not what I remember. They didn't release my information in a printed sheet they gave it to me on a sticky note. But I don't remember it sounding anything like seroquel.

I did my own research and tracked it down to two possible drugs. Clonazepen or clorazepate. I'm leaning towards clorazepate because I remember a 'cl' and 'r'.

Other things in my journal from my interviews.

They do not attend to the elderly. I had to harass them into doing their jobs. They were so understaffed and overworked that they just couldn't get their breaks in or do the basics. A woman I interviewed said she came from unit 500 and an elderly woman wasn't bathed and basically sat in her shit for 3 days and no one cared.

A homeless woman who wants to remain anonymous and is my friend is trapped there. She has been held there for 2 weeks without justifiable cause. A nurse named Nikki agreed and told us both that. This facility gets $2000 every day we stay there and more money for each drug.

That woman's drug chart is a fucking mess. She's on 1200mg of lithium. They're going to kill her or break her brain.

My dudes what do I do? What steps do I take?

My current plan is to gather more evidence. I want to go to each of the individuals that left bad reviews and explain to them I want to do a class action lawsuit not for money for myself (though I need to cover the cost of my lawyer) but that I want to sue that corporation into properly investing its funds so that we don't have paper thin blankets and the cheapest art supplies that never get updated.

I'm suing the hospital not for personal money, but to make sure the funds go back into the facility so it is properly run. the staff is properly paid and that there is enough of them for the patients care, that they do not use the cheapest materials, are not retaliatory to mentally ill episodes and are properly trained, and that everyone has the right to worship as they please. I want the rules to reflect fairness and kindness. I don't want this hierarchy of 'good patients' versus 'bad patients' and so much more. For the Gods sakes. We didn't even have windows to look outside. Why is sunshine a priviliege?

I don't really know...how to make this happen???? Any advice tumblr?

#help needed #advice needed #american politics #reddit #legal advice #tumblr I know ya'll just like dickpussy but can you spread this please?

[dearestaeneas]

mini-series of short horror stories, inspired by the fears my friends have shared with me.

For @coffee-laytte / @iroismart, who shared “suddenly finding myself in someone else's body having to pretend I'm them. I also HATE interviews; And i'm afraid of finding myself old and alone” with me! I find it hard to believe you could be following this blog and not either of Taco’s, but if that does happen to be the case: correct that immediately. thank you, Taco! love you!

(reblogs helpful!!)

--

Listen: I have become unstuck. I do not remember when or why or how, all I know is that I have. I do not know what my hopes for this record are. I do not know if I have any at all. I am tired. I am tired, and I am sick, and I ache. God, do I ache.   

My memories of the Others began when I was 7, but I am certain there were prior occurrences. Maybe something was trying to protect me then. It isn’t anymore.   

I’d loved school. My bookbag rattled with the pencils and crayons and notebooks and water bottle and lunchbox within as the ancient bus struggled over speed bump after speed bump. I remember liking the chipped yellow paint, the thick black cloud coming from the exhaust, the brakes that squeaked so violently you had to wonder how it could be possible they were anything more than rust- it felt like I was entering a Goosebumps episode every morning at 7:30 sharp.   

I don’t remember my teacher’s name. I’m not very good with names anymore, although I don’t know if I ever was.   

What I do remember is the silence.   

We were in the middle of a reading lesson when it happened. I even remember the page I’d been looking at: it was from a generic textbook featuring a short story about sharing and bullying and the like, illustrated with a diverse mix of children all sitting around a playground playing Jacks. I’d blinked, and when I opened my eyes I found myself standing in front of the class. My classmates stared back at me expectantly. In my shock and confusion, I did the only thing I could think to do: I began reading aloud. My voice was wrong. It was deeper, more resonant, tinged with a soft accent I couldn’t place. I kept reading, but I felt my entire body begin to shake. I think someone asked me something. I remember vomiting.   

When I woke up again, I was in the nurse’s office, my teacher hovering above me. I heard the nurse’s faint voice from the other room, speaking urgently on the phone. As my eyes opened, I remember the relieved look on my teacher’s face, and they said something. I don’t remember what, I only remember noticing for the first time that they had an accent.   

At the time, I’d decided I'd been feeling ill anyway, and fallen asleep in class. My teacher noticed I hadn’t been doing well and took me to the nurse. That was all. A fever dream of sorts. Understandably, it shook me up. But when the days turned to weeks turned to months turned to years and nothing even remotely similar occurred again, I felt convinced.  

 I was 18 when it happened next. I was interviewing for university and found myself looking into my own eyes. The interviewer’s voice continued to flow from my mouth, but I had no control over what I said. I watched in horror as…I responded. Me. With my voice. I watched my mouth move, watched as my hands lifted a pen and began to play with it, a nervous tick. The conversation continued, after which I shook my own hand and closed the door behind me. I sat back at the desk, and heard this new voice call me an idiot under its breath.   

I wasn’t surprised when the rejection letter came. Not that it mattered. That was the last time I left my home for a very long time. I became something of an agoraphobe, although anyone suffering from agoraphobia can tell you it is not a choice they make. I stayed in the dark, finding freelance work online, only going outside at night when I was sure stores would be empty. If I wasn’t around people, surely I’d stay me.   

On June 28th, the year I turned 36, I found myself in the hospital. A pager on my belt beeped furiously. Unlike the university interview, I realized I had full control of my movements. I didn’t want to reach down, but I felt as though it’d be wrong not to. I could have easily walked out, lay down in the woods, waited. But that was wrong.   

I didn’t have a chance to unhook it from the belt loop: a nurse ran to me, pulling my arm with a strength I would have never guessed. She explained that the on-call surgeon had an emergency. I was the only option. I heard my shoes tapping on those tiles, heard the loudspeakers informing other doctors of the calls that waited for them, heard coughs and laughs and beeps. We pushed through door after door until we found ourselves in the hallway leading to the operating rooms. She helped me dress accordingly, waited patiently as I sterilized my hands, all the time explaining the urgency of the situation. I didn’t really hear her words. My brain was swimming in chemical smells and sounds and fear.   

The silence of the OR made my sweat freeze. I remember studying the patient’s face, wondering who they were. Who they loved. Who loved them. I prayed.    As the nurses sterilized the flesh, I stared at the thin black lines that had been drawn. It was easier to make the first cut than I’d expected it to be. There was a squelching noise as I lifted the skin like a page in a book.   

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself on my back. The world was dark, with fluorescent lights burning on my eyelids. I heard quiet and urgent talk, and the sound of metal clinking against metal. There was something on my face. I repeated this thought. There was something on my face. There was something on my face. There was something on my face.   

And then, I felt it.   

A slice, a prod, a clamp. They were cutting me open. I tried to scream, every neuron in my brain firing. My body was frozen, trapped in a state not unfamiliar from sleep paralysis. The patient had been anesthetized, but I was not them. I was me.

And I felt everything.

For 12 grueling hours, I felt everything. I heard the sound of wet flesh being dropped into a metal tray, heard the sounds of popping and crunching and snapping. I do not know what was real. For 12 hours I experienced a pain so deep my brain struggled to process any information, forcing me to experience it in its fullest, all at once. I felt them put something back in me. It was heavy. I hadn’t realized how light I’d felt. I felt as they sewed me back up. I’d expected this to be easy, like getting a shot. The knives were away.

Thread worked its way around my chest, tightening it unbearably. I wish I could have sobbed. It felt like hours, being meticulously sewn back together, like a child’s toy. My brain went black.

I was the surgeon again. I looked down: my paper gown was drenched in blood, my hands more black than red. I turned from the body as quickly as I could before vomiting. I didn’t even remove my mask.

That was 10 years ago. The nightmares haven’t stopped. I don’t sleep much anymore. I’ve never been good with time, all my days string together into one long, miserable hour. I don’t even know if I can properly call them nightmares, given that I don’t remember when night is anymore.

I wonder if I can die. I am sitting in a nursing home, looking at my own knotty hands, seeing them shake without any help from me. It has been weeks. I have been in this body for weeks. I do not remember the last time someone has spoken to me.

#horror fiction #medical horror #horror #horror prose #horror project #unreality #unsettling #fear #fantasy writing #original writing #original story #first person writing #first person pov #short story #series #science fiction #scifi #scifi writing #science fiction writing

[cerberussyndrome]

kakaobirin romance/fluff things

some snippets/hc i wrote years ago for a fic that i didn’t end up writing

cw: discussion of sex in the last section

love languages

Rin + gifts -- He visited her in the hospital every day, always at nine o'clock sharp. By nine-oh-five, there'd be another pebble added to the small pile growing on her bedside table. Rin forbid the nurses from moving them, even when they crowded the glass of water and bouquet of flowers from her aunt. Kakashi brought them from Konoha's nearest river. An impulse, he'd claimed the first time, because he thought the pattern had looked like a turtle's shell and maybe she could chuck it out the window if she wanted? She smiled and cooed over it instead. By nine-oh-three the next morning, it'd been joined by a sibling. He suspected that she didn't like the pebbles so much as she liked what they said: that he'd passed by the riverbank at six-thirty-eight, his breath misting the sunrise, and thought of her.

Obito + words /acts of service -- They met before school at the little food stand by the road. Rin bought hot chocolate, counting out the coins her mother pressed into her hand after breakfast, while Obito huddled against the morning chill in his old, too-big jacket. As they walked towards the gate, she handed him the cup. He drank too fast and picked the marshmallows out with his teeth. She waited until it cooled to lukewarm in his hands before taking it back and gulping down the last half. "Thanks, Rin," he said. Their shoulders were pressed together, throats warm from the hot chocolate. Mother always said to accept thanks with pleasantries; Rin thought politeness was less important than sincerity. "No need to thank me; you're my best friend," she replied, same as ever, and Obito's grin was always blinding.

Kakashi + time /touch -- Obito found him on the roof across the street from the training grounds, as if Kakashi had stopped halfway to the memorial stone with the realization that his team was still alive after all, that he didn't have any mourning to do. This was the third time this week. Kakashi was propped up against a pillar, reading with the same focus he reserved for new jutsu and seals that Sensei taught them, and Obito resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He settled down next to Kakashi, titling his head to lie on his shoulder and side-eyeing the page. "I thought you were heading to the Tower," Kakashi said, turning the page. Obito said, "I'm comfortable here," and looked up at the sky. Eventually, Kakashi snuck his free hand into Obito's, something in his posture loosening.

Sidenote:

Obito is starved for approval and affection in fairly equal proportions. (Like, the kid is an attention whore, and i do mean that in the most loving way possible). He basically melts into a puddle of joy and embarrassment when people genuinely compliment him. When Rin brings him soup when he's sick, he's?? So touched?? He honestly cannot deal with people going out of their way to do shit for him, he's happy af.

Rin is the eldest child in a large household. You know what was precious? Gd allowance was precious, esp when Rin didn't have time to go looking for a side job when she was in the academy and low-key managing her siblings. But her baby siblings would draw crayon pictures of her being a doctor and her parents got her summer dresses and jutsu scrolls, and that was honestly the best part of her birthday.

Kakashi has been simultaneously touch-starved and touch-repulsed for a long time now, which is a chore to manage on a good day. (Surprise! Baby ninja who gets pushed into a war has problems distinguishing friendly vs hostile touch. Who would've guessed.) Time is something he understands, though, because he's always had a peripheral awareness of its value. Sakumo was a jounin as well as a father. Kakashi knew his place in the hierarchy of his father's priorities.

body hc's

-In Anbu, Kakashi's whipcord-thin, all lean muscle and lack of body fat and probably constantly underweight too. Just a collection of angles, tbh, with his ribs and hips and spine visible through his skin. Obito and Rin both bitch that he's too bony, oh my god, Kakashi, why, but that doesn't stop him from draping himself over either/both of them at any opportunity like a needy octopus. He has a high metabolism and leads a distinctly unhealthy lifestyle of constant life-or-death situations and days of not eating or sleeping (but plenty of killing shit and sneaking around). Spends like a week in the hospital (well: should, but doesn't actually) after his missions between the injuries, chakra exhaustion, and adrenaline crash. Constantly pissy during his teenage years because he just keeps growing? and it's fucking with his balance and reach and ability to kill a person from twenty meters and he Does Not Like it.

-As an adult, Obito's stocky and muscular, with thick arms and shoulders and thighs. (A nice ass, too, but that's neither here nor there.) Is slightly taller than Kakashi, but that's only if they're both soaking wet, because no, idiot, your stupid gravity-defying hair doesn't count. His hands are long-fingered, but the knuckles are a little fucked, like maybe his fingers have been broken and healed badly. The right side of his face is deeply scarred from the rockfall + impromptu Mokuton transplant, as is most of the right side of his body, which is about a decade of sun exposure paler than his left (rather than straight-up snow white like it sometimes looks in canon). Generally wears a glove on his right hand, or bandages wrapped around his forearm, or the sleeve pulled down. Sometimes has whole-body aches when the humidity/temperature changes too quickly. Rin makes a point of giving him a massage when this happens, which Obito thinks is borderline fussing but he's definitely not complaining about. His teenage years were a study in chronic pain as he kept growing and Hashirama’s cells kept doing weird shit and not quite catching up to him, though he's more or less reached an equilibrium now.

-Rin is petite--shorter than average, with skinny wrists and ankles--but incredibly muscle-bound, even if it's generally hidden behind a flak vest or a sundress. Has runner's thighs and guns and abs like a washboard--still extremely smug about it, thanks for asking. Could and would happily pick up both boys if they had enough decent handholds to get a grip on. Has grown out her hair a bit more since her chunin days, because, hey, it's not like she has to worry about it getting in her face during impromptu field surgery anymore. Has calloused feet since she likes going barefoot through coasts and streams and the like, and, on one notable occasion, sliced her foot open on a coral reef while out wading. (This is why we walk on water, Rin, Kakashi says while he patches her up with the med-kit she gave him, and she boops him on the nose in retaliation while Obito paces and frets while pretending he's not pacing and fretting).

sidenote:

Rin is a jinchuuriki of Isobu in this one. Because she became a jinchuuriki when she was in her teens, this has fucked with her chakra control enough to make extremely precise medical ninjutsu impossible for her to use anymore. Well. Use to heal allies, anyway. She could probably use chakra scalpels offensively still.

(Let's say they get together when they're all in their early-mid twenties.)

Figuring the sex out is really awkward at first. Kakashi's experimented a little, but his experience is mostly in what porn he's read and what he's picked up in Anbu escort/seduction missions. Casual sex, but mostly confined to Anbu and its hypersexual, overly paranoid assassination experts, since that was where he felt most at home for a long time.

Rin, the medic and the prisoner, knows the practicalities of sex but nothing about how it's supposed to go when it's with someone you're in love with, let alone two people. She's had flings before (some of them intense) but never anything both sexual and romantically serious.

Obito got the talk twice--once when Minato, the coward, foisted the three of them off on Kushina (who explained it very matter-of-fact-ly and seemed to enjoy making them blush), and once because Madara wanted to ensure he wasn't going to off himself through STIs or something--and he's had sex, sure, but between the chronic pain and the lingering Stockholm Syndrome, it's hardly been a priority.

Order of most to least sex drive is probably Kakashi, Rin, Obito. Kakashi's hypersexual (and probably also hypersensitive and paranoid, but that's a story for another time), Rin cycles through being mostly indifferent to being insatiable, and Obito's demisexual af and enthusiastic but doesn't understand the appeal of casual sex.

I mean, for god's sake, it takes forever for Obito to even work up the courage to kiss Rin on the mouth, let alone sleep with her. (Kakashi mostly got around this by making kissing a competition, because of course he did.) Kakashi, on the other hand, is allergic to emotions but likes sex just fine, and is perfectly willing to hop into bed with one/both of them and has been for years. Rin wants to take it slow, since it's not like they really know what they're doing, but they've known each other for years; what are they supposed to do on dates, talk about where they're from? So it takes a month (or a few months) for them to fall into bed at all. (They have a very awkward conversation about what they're comfortable with and what they might be comfortable trying in the future. Obito is so red the entire time, and Kakashi and Rin are both shameless and unhelpful, dammit, guys.)

Sidenote:

the eternal struggle between making Kakashi a perfectly straight-faced and shameless fan of sex and making him an awkward, blushing dork who can't flirt to save his life.

--admittedly, this loser can't read passages of his gd porn aloud even if he blatantly reads them in public, but. Still.

--kak is v, v private, so i do lean towards the former

--but then I'm like, this is the man who reads porn in public to troll people. Where is the shame. Does it exist.

--maybe it's progression or something

Obito is just straight up awkward, blushing dork. Look at the scene where he's kissing Rin's photo, there's no conflict here.

Rin reads bodice-ripper romance novels with far, far less irony than Obito thinks they deserve. In public, no less, because Obito's friends are terrible. She has no shame.

#my writing #naruto #kakaobirin #less sad team minato #oh look it's my first ot3 in this fandom #nohara rin #uchiha obito #hatake kakashi

[thedaughtersofaewora]

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do..." (Yellow - Coldplay)

There was an older woman who noticed, after weeks in the hospital, that one certain room had never seemed to have anyone coming or going—except hospital staff. So she asked permission to visit that person. Permission was soon granted.

When she slowly made her way in, she observed a young guy staring vacantly at the grey walls. There were no personal cards or photos of loved ones, nothing at all. She quickly learned he was alone, no family to visit him for reasons he would never open up to. His friends never seemed to visit. Although they could have. He was bitter and angry.

Every time the woman visited, she brought a smile and a small token, a card, a book, a notebook, and a story. The young guy accused her of many things. He told her her gifts of pity weren't welcome. She calmly told him she didn't pity him because he seemed to have plenty of his own. She also told him she cared and there was a difference between pitying and caring.

The woman persisted in her visits. Sometimes she suffered his grudging silence but she chatted away as if he were answering. Sometimes she read poems. She told funny jokes and laughed after she told them. He did not laugh and he definitely did not smiled a little at one joke. Sometimes she listened to him as he talked about his life. After a while, he anticipated her visits even though he didn't understand why she was doing it.

Finally, he asked her why she continued to visit. She told him because we all need someone and right now she must be the one the Creator chose. He scoffed at her, not really believing it but he still didn't make her leave.

The young man told her she didn't understand how awful his life will be the moment he gets out of the hospital. People will call him crippled. He wouldn't be able to do things like he did before. He said he wouldn't be whole anymore. The woman agreed with him. She told him those things were partly true.

But she asked him these things: "Does it matter what other people think they see? Don't you think being alive, even if you're different, is worth more than what you may have had before? You could have died, but you didn't. You still have your life, and what you decide to do with it now is completely your decision. You still have many avenues open to you."

The woman was my mother. The young guy was a patient who lost his leg to bone cancer. Mother said he was doing great the last time she saw him. And I have a feeling he will walk away with a lot of faith and hope. It's kind of sad that his friends didn't have time to offer him the encouragement he needed.

But I'm proud my mother did. I know it's hard to know what to say to someone who is going through a trauma. Being yourself works; it doesn't matter what you say, only that you took the time to say it.

My maternal grandmother was in the same hospital. At this time she was retired from her teaching job, and my mother took me with her on visits. We had visited Grandmother at the hospital the entire mornings and afternoons. One lunch, Grandmother had trouble with eating her food. And I don’t mean chewing. She'd lift her fork and her hand would shake so terribly, the food slipped off.

“Mother, you know hospital food is always so hard. Tough. You’d have to be a wrestler to cut it. Let me see if I can make the pieces smaller."

The whole time, my mother would be talking as she gently took over, helping and feeding grandmother. Even as a little girl, I was always awed by how easily my mother set my fidgety grandmother‘s mind at ease. It seemed like my mother knew what her own mother wanted, even before she decided she wanted it. And then when eating time was over, my mother read my grandmother her favourite books. The next day, my father sent us some stuff. He sent me blank papers, crayons, and some of my pony toys. I drew and then quietly played with my little ponies.

“Oh wow, did you draw this?” Mother asked me upon seeing my artwork. I nodded my head, my pigtails bouncing. “It’s for grandma!” I exclaimed, proud of my work. Mother filled Grandmother’s room with drawings my little self had drawn.

My mother went shopping for gifts for the nurses, taking me along, because Grandmother wanted to thank them and show appreciation. “That’s a good idea!” my mother agreed. Before leaving the hospital room, I kissed and hugged my beloved grandmother. Mother bought Grandmother’s favourite hot foods and they both made sure everyone who visited had brownies, cookies, and other goodies, because that's the way grandmother treated everyone who visited at her house. She always had this hospitality. And my mother had to make that hospital room seem more bearable and not so cold grey. She filled it with love, just like she had done for our family. She was so kind, like her mother.

What would happen if the aristocracy of Hyocheon saw this side of her? Would they see her differently?

[ilyasorokinn]

(day 7) good tidings , dougie hamilton

note, this fic is part of my 14 days of christmas. check out this masterlist if you're interested. none of these fics in this series are connected, they are all standalone. pair, dougie hamilton summary, y/n works at a hospital, and as a surprise to all the kids, y/n asks her boyfriend dougie to come visit. he agrees, and invites a few friends along. warnings, hospitals word count, 768 words

(dougie with an a? *instert debby ryan gift*)

(gif not mine)

You walked into your apartment and ripped the hair tye out of your hair, "Hey, welcome home." Dougie walked into the entryway, greeting you with a smile.

You tried to give him the best smile you could, but it came out really strange-looking, "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He stopped you before you could side-step him and get into the kitchen.

"It's nothing, just work stuff." You shook your head.

"What is it?" He softly pushed.

"It's just-" You let out an annoyed sigh, "Every year, we book something cool for the kids who are stuck in the hospital, but the person we booked canceled last minute." You explained.

"That sucks." Dougie smiled sadly.

You nodded, walking into the kitchen and warming up food that Dougie had made, "Are you doing anything next week on Thursday?" You asked.

"Um..." He pulled out his phone and quickly checked his schedule, "Nope. I mean, practice in the morning, but that's about it." He answered, "Why?"

"Do you think you could come to the hospital for a few hours? It always means a lot to the kids." You told him.

He smiled, "Of course I'll stop by." He nodded, approaching you and wrapping his arms around your waist, "It would an honor."

"Great. This is so fun. I have to let my supervisor know." You pressed kisses all around his face before running off to find your phone, "Thank you, Doug."

"Your welcome." He smiled.

-

A week later, you were standing at the nurse's station with all the rest of the nurses who were waiting for Dougie to arrive with you. They all stopped what they were doing when they saw a group of familiar hockey players walk in.

You looked up from your paperwork and immediately started smiling when you saw not only your boyfriend, but the rest of the New Jersey Devils walk in with him.

The smile on your face only widened when Dougie walked over to you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he picked you up, spinning you around a little, "Thank you." You murmured.

"We can't let the kids down." He smirked.

"Right, the kids." You nodded as he set you back on the ground, but not before pressing another kiss to your cheek.

The second all the kids heard the commotion, they all looked up and saw their favorite hockey players standing in the hospital and all began talking amongst each other and pointing up at them.

One of your co-workers made quick work of introducing the team, not that they needed much introduction. After the introduction part, the players were walking up to the kids and greeted them.

You watched as each player made each kid laugh as they joked around, colored, and played together, "He's good with them." Your friend commented.

"They all are." You corrected, smiling over at her, then jumping in and helping one of your patients color her picture with Dougie.

Dougie watched you jump into kid mode and helped the girl color her Devil's logo coloring page, "And now what color?" You asked, turning to look at her.

She pursed her lips in thought, "Purple." She finally settled.

"All right." You nodded, handing her the next crayon color.

-

"Mr. Dougie, are you and Nurse Y/N gonna get married?" The same girl you colored with earlier asked.

"I... well." Dougie sputtered for an answer, "Maybe sometime in the future." He tried to answer, "Not anytime soon."

"But she's a princess, and princesses need princes." She told him, confused by his answer.

"That is right, she is a princess." Dougie smile, "But Nurse Y/N and I aren't ready to get married yet."

The girl went to open her mouth again, but you stepped in and saved Dougie before he said something even dumber, "All right, that's enough interrogating. It's dinner time. It's your favorite." You told him, gently pushing her in the direction of her room.

"But-"

"There's pudding." You sang.

"Goodbye, Mr. Dougie." She waved and skipped off to her room with another nurse.

You turned around to Dougie, "Way to crush a little girl's dreams, Doug." You joked.

"I didn't know what to say." He stuttered.

"I'm joking." You laughed, "You did great. Tell the guys I really appreciate them for coming."

"I told them and before I could even finish, they were all volunteering and asking if they could come." Dougie smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Thank you, Doug." Your cheeks began to hurt because you couldn't stop smiling all day.

"Your welcome. I'll do it next year if you need it." You laughed.

-

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taylor's 14 days of christmas masterlist!

#dougie hamilton imagine #dougie hamilton imagines #dougie hamilton x reader #dougie hamilton blurbs #dougie hamilton fic #dougie hamilton #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl fic #nhl blurbs #nhl #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #hockey fic #hockey blurbs #hockey #new jersey devils imagine #new jersey devils imagines #new jersey devils fic #new jersey devils blurbs #new jersey devils #taylor writes #taylor writes: hockey #taylor's blurbs #taylor's 14 days of christmas!!

[kimnjss]

who are you? | myg

⤑ series: be my baby

⤑ pairing: rapper!yoongi x mom!reader

⤑ genre: fluff // nd a little bit of angst !!

⤑ rating: PG13.

⤑ word count: 5.2K

⤑ warnings: a temper tantrum. mentions of abortion. nd that’s about it lmao, nothing to crazy here guys...

⤑ A/N: this is late... buut ., so much happens in this one guys - it’s worth it, trust me. don’t forget to let me know what you think, you know your feedback is my favorite!! x

APRIL 18TH, 2020 | 11:30

Hyunki is sat at the kitchen table when the knock sounds at the door. Papers laid out in front of him as he works with safety scissors to cut triangles out of the pages. Not too far from him, you're at the counter putting together the lasts of Hyunki's lunch when the knock interrupts you.

Punctual to the minute, Yoongi stands on the other side of the door. Nervously shuffling his feet with his hands buried in his pockets. It took him much longer than usual to get ready, wanting to look nice for Hyunki... for you. Then frantically changing after hearing Jimin's voice in his head going on about living to impress. Only to put on his original suit moments after, then turning around seconds before exiting the house to put on something more casual.

It was a wonder that he made it on time.

“Is that him?” Hyunki asks, head tilting up to find you with his wide eyes. Confused when you're not running to the door with excitement like he expected you to be. He was excited, to say the least, so you should be too.

But you're not. Of course, you're glad that Hyunki is ready to meet his dad and that Yoongi can finally have to chance to be with his son. Yet, you still couldn't shake the nerve-wracking feeling in your chest that something terrible was going to happen. And not being able to place what that something terrible was, terrified you.

No matter what, though, you urged yourself to shove it down. No longer willing to keep the two of them apart. Yoongi deserved to know his kid, he deserved to be a dad. All of your worries and fears would just have to sort themselves out. Yoongi was a good guy after, you had nothing to be worried about.

You're humming in response to Hyunki's question, setting his plate of food down in front of him before moving to open the door. “Eat a lot. Don't make a mess,” You tell him to which he's nodding to, picking up his fork to stab into his pasta.

Pulling the door open, you find Yoongi in a pair of baggy black pants – you know the ones with all the pockets, and a loose-fitting shirt with a white FG in the middle. His hair is messy like he's been running his fingers through it all morning – but just adds to his natural handsome. Eyes focused on the toe of his chunky sneakers, but you can still see the way he's chewing on his lip.

“Hey,” You speak softly, the sound of your voice causing him to lift his head. The worry in his eye is easily detected, even if you hadn't known him your whole life. “Don't be nervous, he's excited.” An attempt to ease his worries, which seems to work because you see his shoulders relax.

His hand lifts to point behind you, eyes flickering over your shoulder before focusing back on your face. “He's in there?”

With a silent nod, you're moving aside. Giving him the space he needs to enter the house, to meet his kid. The nervous bounce of his fingers against his thigh saddens you. Guilt settling in your stomach for even putting him in this position in the first place. No father should be this nervous to be introduced to his kid.

Shouldn't even have to be introduced in the first place. You don't dwell on the issue for too long, knowing that you'll have a chance to clear the air. Get all of this off of your chest and hopefully, smooth things over.

Following behind him, you mimic his careful steps into the kitchen. Hyunki still sat at the table, one hand shoveling food into his mouth while the other scribbles on the pieces of paper he had cut out. 

Yoongi's frozen in the threshold. Wide eyes taking in the tiny body in front of him. From the side, he looked exactly like him. Even Yoongi couldn't deny that. Had noticed the similarities while looking through your Instagram, but this... this was different. That was his kid sitting right in front of him.

A matched slope of the nose, the shape of his eyes, how his mouth shifted into a pout when he brought his attention to the picture he was working on. Focused. That was his son.

Turning to you, Yoongi tries to swallow the tears that brim at his water line. Threatening to roll down his cheeks. He's spent too much time crying in front of you in the past week, he needed to pull himself together. But how could he? Meeting his kid for the first time? It's emotional. And he's feeling everything on a ten at the moment.

“We did this? He's ours?” He's asking, almost out of disbelief which has a soft giggle slipping past your lips. The sound still holding the power of turning Yoongi's stomach to mush.

Smiling, you nod. Not wanting to take away from the moment by speaking. Allowing him the time he needed to wrap his head around it. When you first had Hyunki, you remember laying in the hospital bed for hours just staring at him from inside the incubator. The hours spent bringing him into the world not seeming so long, now that he was here staring at you with his dark brown eyes.

Hyunki's head is lifting at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, eyes narrowing into a squint and lips parting slightly as he studies the man standing in front of him. He stares like that for a moment before he's turning his attention up to you.

“Mommy? That's not an elf.” 

Despite how many times you tried to explain that a rapper wasn't the same as an elf, he refused to listen. Convinced you were telling stories for whatever reason he decided was a plausible one.

Eyebrow arched in slight confusion, Yoongi takes careful steps further into the kitchen. Until he's close enough to kneel in down at Hyunki's chair. Big eyes stare at his crouched figure, lips, and cheeks messy with pasta sauce. “Hi, Hyunki.” Voice hushed, but that doesn't stop the way Hyunki's eyes are widening.

A tiny gasp falling from his lips as he lifts his hand to cover his mouth. “How do you know my name?” He's rushing, lifting his hand to speak before quickly smacking it back into place. “Who are you... A real elf!?” Words muffled by his palm, but he doesn't move his hand.

An easy laugh falls from Yoongi's lips, clearly amused by his son's familiar behavior. “I'm your dad. Not an elf. And you're my son.”

The words hang in the air for a moment. Seeming as though it's the first time he's sad them out loud. Fully registered that he was a father with a son that looked exactly like him. Acted a bit like him too despite never knowing him until now.

Son. Father. The weight of the word and the meaning behind them. The responsibility that came with having one, becoming a father. And with just one look, one barely started conversation over a kitchen table covered in spaghetti sauce – Yoongi is more than ready to step up now that he has the chance.

“False!” Hyunki speaks with a roll of his big eyes, turning his attention back to the food in front of him. Poking at the pasta on his plate as he speaks. “I'm Mommy's son. I can't be your son too. That makes no sense.”

Predicting the direction of the conversation from your know-it-all son, you're jumping in to clear the confusion. “It makes perfect sense, Hyunie.” Standing just a few steps behind Yoongi and Hyunki's eyes are quickly snapping up to you. “I'm Mommy and he's Daddy. We had to work together to get you here.”

He blinks twice, registering the new information in his head. Before a heavy sigh is leaving his lips, eyes shifting back to his sheet of paper. “If you say so.” He says, unconvinced. “So what's your name?” Raising a challenging brow, his eyes are back on Yoongi.

And you're ready to interject before Yoongi's voice is stopping you short. “Yoongi. And you're Hyunki. See? Are names are almost the same.” A big smile breaks onto your son's features, the smallest laugh leaving his lips as he nods his head.

“A little bit. You want some pasta, Mister Yoobi?” There's extra effort with trying to pronounce the name, but he's quick to go with the first thing that comes out of his mouth. Small hands pushing the plate toward Yoongi. “It's cold now because you guys talked for long and I couldn't eat.”

Yoongi is shaking his head, rising to his feet – his eyes never lifting from the boy. Allowing them their space to get acquainted, you move to clear the table. Busying yourself with cleaning up to keep yourself from interfering.

They needed their space to chat and you knew that. It was just hard to make the shift considering you've always been right there when it came to Hyunki. Always had one leg in the conversation, even if it was with Tae or Kookie. This was different, though. It was Yoongi – his dad, they needed to get along without you there.

Taking a spot at the table beside him, Yoongi picks up one of the crayons he's been offered. “I'm learning shapes!” Hyunki spoke with the most enthusiasm, listing off the ones that he knew and pointing them out on the paper he had in front of him.

Listening closely to his son speak, congratulating him when he's showing off a very bumpy square. It all has Yoongi choked up, seconds from breaking down right in front of the little guy – struck with disbelief. He pulls it together, though. Asking questions and listening to the drawn-out answers his son gives. Oddly being able to understand the three-year-old speech, and he sums that up to the fact that was his son.

Understanding him was part of his job now.

Thirty minutes pass of the two of them at the table. Covering the sheets of paper in rainbow, while talking about everything random. Yoongi had explained more fully just why he wasn't an elf. And Hyunki told his favorite stories with his favorite people: Taetae and Kookie Hyung.

You've moved to the living room, forcing yourself to relax in the odd free time you had. Use to having your little boy attached to your hip. That's how it had been when he was meeting Namjoon. Wouldn't even let you leave the room for a second without hurrying out of his seat to follow you.

He was two years old then, but still with such a personality. You had met Joon at the park on a day you were excluded from the plans. 'Boys only, Mommy. Kookie Hyung said.' Were the exact words that Hyunki used when he was explaining the plans he had with the boys.

Laughing, you took his word for it. Thanking both Taehyung and Kookie for giving you the night off. Something you hadn't had in the longest time. And you were quickly realizing that you had no idea what to do with your time now that you had it.

So you took for going to the park. Walking around and enjoying the scenery. It was nice outside, the weather the cool that you liked where you only had to bring a light sweater if you needed it. Joon agreed to that.

He was sweet from the moment you met him. Leaned against his bike, taking pictures of the river. You, not paying attention, were accidentally caught in one of his shots and he was quick to apologize. Assuring you that he wasn't some creep that came to the park to take pictures of unsuspecting girls. You couldn't help but laugh at that.

You two hit it off immediately, he was a great friend to have around and he actually listened to what you had to say. Gave you good advice too. Of course, you weren't introducing him to your kid right away. Had no idea what this man was going to turn out to be and you were more cautious with Hyunki than that.

But as the weeks went on you were quickly noticing that he was calling more and flirting boldly and it became apparent that the friendship that you saw, was a start to a romantic relationship. And he was cute enough, smart, nice, could hold a conversation. So you allowed yourself to entertain the idea – no matter how not over Yoongi you were.

Things always seemed to be in limbo with the two of you, though. It was like there was this silent understanding. He knew that you were still hung up on your ex, you told him many times before and if that wasn't enough – he was often times on the receiving end of your rants about the guy.

And he was always bouncing around with his job as a photographer so putting a strain on a solid relationship didn't really seem like the best idea for him at the moment. No denying how attracted you two were for each other and the fact that you both weren't looking for a relationship, everything just made sense after that.

Only then were you introducing him to Hyunki. And the two of them didn't hit it off at first. Glaring from across the room, throwing toys, never wanting him to come along to outings. But Joon was consistent had a soft spot for Hyunki, so he was patient with him. And before you knew it, they were gelling together so well that you were able to rely on Joon when you needed a hand.

The two of them had become something of best friends in the past months.

“Mommy! Do you see this?” Wrapped up in your thoughts you hadn't heard the subtle knock on the door, neither did you notice the two men hauling bag after bag into your kitchen. You're not snapping back to it until you feel Hyunki beside you, shoving a boxed electric car in your face. “Mister Yoobi bought me a million gifts!” He shouts with excitement, hopping off of the couch walking toward the litter of bags in the kitchen.

You're quick to stand, following his footsteps. Mouth dropping at the entire toddler section of 'Toys R Us' filling your kitchen. Yoongi is holding the door open while two men – you recognize them to be the same men from the restaurant, carry a white toy LAND ROVER big enough to sit in.

“Oh my God!” Hyunki is shouting, dropping the box he had been wrestling to get open to rush to the shiny car. A bodyguard is lifting him into it as soon as it's set on the floor, not even throwing a fit about being lifted by a stranger. 

He mimics driving it, making the engine sound with his mouth while making dramatic turns of the steering wheel.

“Yoongi-” You start, words being cut by the next person to enter your home – uninvited. A short woman with long dark curls and large bright eyes. Arms full of five NIKE boxes, holding what you can only guess are sneakers. She sets them on the table, leaving a lingering look that you don't fall to notice at Yoongi before she's turning to leave.

Only gone for a second before she's back with bags of toddler-sized clothes, everything from socks to sweatsuits. Yoongi thanks her quietly, closing the door behind her with an annoying sweet smile.

“Yoongi! What's all of this?” Arms spread out to gesture to the clutter.

Hyunki, who has since been distracted by his new car and the men that push him around in it, is quickly lifting his head. Confused as to why you're using your 'red' voice when nothing was wrong. At least in his eyes.

“I know it's a lot.” He hadn't realized just how much he bought until he was seeing it all in front of him, cramped in your small kitchen. “I just wanted to get a few things for the little guy.” Yoongi's voice is calm like it always is. Forever being the blue to your red.

And Hyunki has lost interest in whatever conversation the two of you could be having. His focus on the giant LEGO set sat in the middle of the room, all but climbing over the man who had helped him into the car to get to it.

“This is not a few things, Yoongi.” Much closer now, your tone is quieter. Not wanting to set Hyunki off with the idea that he won't be able to keep any of this. “There's no space for all this,” Shifting the focus of the problem because you don't want him to think you had a problem with him buying gifts for his own kid. This was just too much.

“We can keep a few things at my place.” He says with a shrug, fingers pushing his hair back as his eyes shift to Hyunki. Sat on the floor sifting through the bucket of play dinosaurs. “I'm having a room fixed for him anyway.”

This catches you off guard. Forehead creasing in confusion as you tilt your head to look at him. “A room? What would he need a room for?” This was all so much so fast. Not even a proper conversation had between the two of you and he was already preparing a room!?

“Mister Yoobi, I need to open this!” Manners thrown out the window with his urgency, Hyunki is clawing at the box in front of him. A piano mat that you step on to make songs. A gift so Yoongi.

He's quick to spring into action at the call of his son, lowering himself onto the ground behind him as he tears the box open. The two men have moved from their spot in the middle of the kitchen, standing very guard like at the threshold as they speak amongst each other.

“We'll talk later,” Yoongi's promising halfheartedly, lifting his head to look up at you. Silently, you nod. Huffing out a thick sigh before moving toward the fridge. “Would you men like something to drink?” Your question directed to the guards in your doorway, who are quickly glancing down at Yoongi.

Once they're receiving his silent nod, they agree instantly. Relaxing as they settle at your counter, taking the drinks you've poured for them with great thanks. Seeming to have clocked out, the two men chat amongst each other causally and you move to watch Hyunki play.

Loud laughter leaving his lips as he jumps on the piano, looking down at Yoongi with a huge smile each time he makes a different sound. And Yoongi is smiling right back. Looking at ease for the first time since you've seen him again.

And you can't help but sulk at the fact you took this away from him all those years ago.

APRIL 18TH, 2020 | 14:17

Two hours of peaceful playing pass, Hyunki's laughter filling the room as he bounces from toy to toy mindlessly leaving behind what he found interest in just moments before. Yoongi is two steps behind him the entire time, entertaining every last thing that momentarily holds interest.

Until all hell is breaking loose. A playful knocking over of the LEGO tower he was working hard on has a shrieking wail flying from his lips. Small hands wrecking what's left of the tower.

Yoongi attempts to console him, scooting closer and telling him that they could just build it again. Hyunki doesn't listen, the tantrum he's throwing only accelerating with his words. Hot tears rolling down his cheeks. “We can't build it again, Mister Yoobi! It's ruined!” He cries, head tilting back as he cries.

“Shh, buddy.” Yoongi tries, hand lifting to brush his hair.

That only has Hyunki flinching away, flopping onto the floor as his cries grow louder. Panicked, Yoongi is looking up – eyes searching the room for you. “Okay, okay.” Taking quick steps over to Hyunki's body, you're crouching down beside him.

“Is it time for a nap?”

“No!” He screams through his tears, kicking his legs out. “Wanna play with Mister Yoobi,” Arms reaching to wrap around his waist, easily lifting him off of the floor.

Yoongi is standing along with you, cheeks flushed and eyes filled with worry. An apology on his lips as his hand runs through his hair. “He's just tired,” You're assuring him, offering a small smile up to him before you're leaving the room with a sniffling Hyunki in your arms - bringing him into his room.

He's asleep the moment his head hits the pillow, quiet fits dying down into soft snores as his fatigue takes over. And now you're unbelievably aware of the man waiting in your kitchen – surrounded by toys and bodyguards waiting for you. Waiting for the explanation that you promised him.

Hyunki had been a welcomed distraction in the time that he was in your house and now that he was asleep...

“Hey... I didn't mean to make him upset. I was just-” Yoongi is walking toward you the moment you've entered the kitchen. His guards cleaning up the mess that had been left leading you to wonder what exactly was in their job description.

A small smile spreads across your lips, hand landing on his arm. “Shh, no. It wasn't you, Yoon. Don't worry. He gets like that when he's sleepy. He's probably been fighting it for a while.”

Yoongi's nodding, a soft smile spreading across his lips. “He's a great kid. Reminds me a lot of you.” His words are surprising you, pulling a soft laugh from your lips.

“Yeah, right. That kid is literally a clone of you. Down to the gummy smile.” He's smiling wide at that, obviously had noticed how his kid had the same smile like him. The one that he's flashing at you right now, making your heart stutter and lifting the corners of your lips.

There's warmth surrounding the two of you, comfort with being around each other after so long. Hearing the sound of your laughs that fill the room. As if nothing has changed. Yet so much has. And Yoongi is being reminded of that, instantly. 

He's shifting back into the nervousness he felt standing outside of your house earlier. Clearing his throat, he lifts his hand to push his hair back on his head shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Should we, uhm. Talk? About... you know?”

Your hand drops from his body as you nod your head, letting out a huffed breath. “Yeah, we should.” Pointing your nose toward the table, Yoongi is following behind you – settling in the spot across from you.

It's awkward for a moment. Just sat across from each other no idea where to start – what to say. You're waiting for him to ask, say something. Give you a clue where you should start. But he doesn't. His mind is too busy racing, trying to fill in the blanks while waiting for you to speak.

You're both realizing that you're waiting for the other at the same time. Words overlapping as you try to fill the silence. “I was-” “Why'd you-” Both of you stop short in your sentence, eyes flickering up to each other.

He laughs, the sound instantly easing your spiked nerves. Enough to have a laugh falling from your lips as well. “It's me, Yn. We can talk comfortably.” He's smiling, but there's anxiety behind it.

Of which he's trying to mask, so you ignore it.

“Okay, so. Uh.” Eyes darting around the room as if you're searching for the right place to start. “A few weeks before I left. I wasn't feeling great. Upset stomach in the mornings, lethargic, and then I was late.”

He's sat back in his chair, listening closely to your words. Not daring to say anything, just waiting to hear what explanation you could have.

“And you know you and I stopped using condoms and I was never great at remembering to take birth control.” Of all the times he had to remind you to take your pill in the morning, laughing with a roll of his eyes when you'd tell him you forgot. “So one night you were spending the night at the studio, so I went get a test. I didn't want to say anything yet, because I wanted to be sure first, you know?” 

Heart starting to feel heavy at the memory, all the feelings coming back to you at once of what happened when you took the test. When you saw those pink double lines staring back at you.

“It was positive. And I honestly felt like my entire world shifted. Happy. But scared, you know? We talked about kids before, but it was soon? But I was still happy. And scared. So I had to get advice about what to do. So I went to talk to Min Yeong.” 

Yoongi recognizes the name instantly. How could he not? One of the younger girls on his management team. Only a few years older than him and the two of you always seemed to hit it off. She was older, wiser, and gave great advice when it came to womanly issues.

Why wouldn't you go to her?

“She told me to talk to you. That you would help me sort my feelings out and this was a decision we should make together. You know? And it made sense to me. I just couldn't find the words. So I waited. And a few days go by and I'm getting a call.... from your company.”

He's following the story, watching the lines crease in your face as you go on. Can see the sadness clouding your eyes and he fights the urge to reach for your hand – wanting to hear how this story ends before he's reaching out for you.

“I go in for a meeting and there's two lawyers there, Min Yeong and the CEO. Two papers on the table. The contract they signed you with and another blank one right beside it.” The tightness forms in your chest as you're reminded of the words that were spoken to you the moment you were sitting down at the end of the long table.

“'If you won't choose, we'll make him choose. Which one do you think he'll pick?'” The tears are welling up in your eyes, but you blink them away. The moment had passed, even though the feelings were raw. You shouldn't still be crying over this. “The blank contract was for me. Lasting of two years, if I were to keep the baby – to leave. They'd help with making me disappear, change my number, and clean out the house without you knowing. All I had to do was sign. If not...”

Eyes shifting up to find Yoongi, he looks as if he's holding his breath. Afraid of what's to come next. To know what made you sign that stupid paper. Leave him behind as if it were nothing. As if he was nothing.

“If not. If I decided to keep the baby and stay with you, they'd rip up your contract. Release you from the company – setting you back to square one. And if I couldn't make up my mind, they'd bring you in. Have you decide.” Not being able to fight it anymore, the tear you've been holding back falls from your eyes and rolling down your cheeks.

It made sense... why you had said you should've trusted him when he was first seeing you again. All of it started to click in his mind the more he listened to you. You didn't trust him. Thought he'd choose a stupid job over you. A family with you.

So you bolted before he had the chance to prove you wrong.

“Are you serious, Yn!?” Anger laced in his words. He had spent three years looking for you. All the times he's gone through management to try and find you when you were under their thumb the entire time. “You really thought I wouldn't have chosen you?” Curious to know the answer, honestly.

If he had given you any reason to think that he would leave you – the way you had left him, how could you just leave him?

“No, Yoongi. I didn't-” You start but he's doesn't give you the chance to finish. Words cutting over yours, mind searching for a reason. What he could've done to make you think he wouldn't be there for you. That he wouldn't love you.

Was he not clear about how important you were to him?

“You didn't, what? Trust me? Yn. You were pregnant with my kid. My baby. What on Earth could convince you that I wouldn't want to be apart of that?”

He's never raised his voice at you before. Not the way that he is now. Not exactly yelling, but the sternness in his tone has a chill running down your spine. “Yoongi, please. I didn't want to make you choose. You had pushed your album back three times already and they were getting impatient... and I...”

Trailing off, you force the words from your mouth. Taking around cotton balls it felt like. “I wasn't even sure I was going to keep it,” Words hushed, never saying that out loud before. But you had thought about it, not wanting your life to end before it even started.

The tears are falling freely, head lowered as thick sobs leave your lips. Yoongi's instantly calming at the sound of your cries, hand reaching out for yours. Fingers lacing together as his thumb soothes over your knuckles. “I'm so sorry, Yoongi...” You're speaking through sobs, hand lifting to wipe the tears. Which is useless because more flow faster.

“I-I was scared. And I didn't know what to do. I want-ted to talk to you, but... everything changed so fast.” A mistake. That you made out of fear. No telling how you would've felt. Twenty-one years old. A kid, faced with men in suits stealing away a decision that should've been yours. And only yours.

He felt for you. Heart ached for you. Wanted to make up for the lost time with you. With his son. This? None of this was your fault. And he couldn't continue to blame you for it. Yes, you signed the papers. You agreed to leave – but because you had, you must've felt like you had no choice.

And that had nothing to do with him or your relationship. A relationship that was now bruised, bent – but he was willing to work on it. Together. To be with you.

“Shh, baby.” Soft voicing soothing your tears, putting a quiet halt to them as your eyes lift to focus on him. “I love you so much, you know that right?” You're nodding, sniffing down the last bit of your tears.

Soft fingers rubbing against your cool hand. “I love you too.” You reply automatically, an instinct at this point. Never did you stop loving him, how could you? It was Yoongi and he was it for you.

“We're gonna be okay.” Trying to convince himself just as much as he's trying to convince you. But he has hope. Faith in your relationship that the two of you would work out.

And he was sure in his heart that you felt the same.

— when the love of his life suddenly vanishes, he drives himself mad looking for her. seemingly erased from the world, he’s forced to pick up the pieces of his life and move on… fast forward three years and someone who looks a lot like the woman he lost is being spotted, holding a kid with an oddly familiar gummy smile…

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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. to be added to the taglist, send me an ask !! feedback is highly !! appreciated, it’s the motivation i need to keep the fic going nd fun for you guys!!<33

#yoongi angst #yoongi #bts fic #be my baby sm au #yoongi fic #yoongi sm au #yoongi imagine #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #namjoon #jin #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts smut #bts imagine #bts sm au #2seok #taekook

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A Star In Your Sky || JJK

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-> Picture Source - Pinterest

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A Star In Your Sky [Jungkook]

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Genre - Dad!Jungkook; Angst; Sadness; Melancholy; Drabble:

Summary - Helpless as he was, 'what you didn't know couldn't hurt you'... it would have to do. There was nothing else he could do.

Warning - Angst; Sadness; Major Character Death;

Word Count - 1.7k

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Jungkook woke up with a start at the blaring alarm. 5am - his phone flashed in red numbers. Snoozing it, he left it back on the table.

The fog on the windows signifying a cold morning, the dreary grey clouds overcast, the edge of dawn.

Wiping the sleep out of his eyes he righted his shirt, pulling his sleeves over his cold hands, ruffling his hair as he stretched his limbs and swung them over the couch.

The cold hit his bare feet as he stood up and started his way down the hall, switching the lights on as he walked, to navigate his way to the room right next to his.

Door slightly ajar, he pushed on it, the slight creak a normal sound, a part of the surroundings, the many years behind the action of tuning it out.

His eyes fell past the threshold, items he knew by heart, colors he had committed to memory, the scent and the surroundings - his home.

The curtains in this room were purple, deep purple, the hue something akin to indigo, silver moons and stars shone at the catch of even the tiniest bit of light.

There were posters of cartoons, drawings in crayons and paints, a basket of toys in the corner of the room, and Cooky, the pink plush toy staring back on the made bed.

Eyes scanning the toy he remembered the day it came home.

----------

'Dad, look what Uncle Jinnie got me,' Moon ran up to him, as she giggled in excitement, eyes lighting up at the plush toy in her hand.

Turning toward the sound of his daughter, he bent down on one knee so she could hop into his waiting arms. He held her easily, her form tiny and stable in his muscled hands.

Her momentary glance to the tattoo on his skin, a second nature, something that made her smile, as her name had been carved into his forearm, stars surrounding it with a Saturn ring.

She was Daddy's little girl and she loved every moment of it.

Meeting her fathers eyes, she held up the pink bunny in her arms, a prize worth every drop of attention he could give.

Smiling bemused he asked her, 'What about all the other teddy's in your room, babygirl?'

He nosed at her cheek as he teased her.

Her eyes went as wide as saucers, 'Dad!' she exclaimed in a mock whisper, 'They aren't Teddy's, they all have names.'

'Yeah, Jk, how can you call them Teddy's,' Jin played along, just as scandalized at his dongsaengs choice of words.

Mouth twitching, the mole on his chin, shifting at the movement, he raised an eyebrow at his hyung, 'I'm surprised you didn't get her the RJ.'

'Now, now, I did explain the perks of having RJ, but she is Daddy's little girl.' They smiled, endeared with the toddler between them.

It was the last proper, happy outing they had, ice-cream, feeding the seagulls, playing in the sand, her best days with her father and her Uncle Jin.

----------

‘I don't care what happens to me, I don’t care about the money! Just please save my baby, please!’ Jungkook was enraged, angry at the world, helpless, desperate.

Stage 4. She was only a child, her tiny body fit in his arms, her form only half of him.

It came out of nowhere, severe bruising and bleeding when she fell down, or got cut. Trouble breathing when she ran, nausea when she ate and sometimes not wanting to eat at all. Waking up to her cries in the middle of the night, sniffling quietly, at the pains in her body.

Too many symptoms, too many blood tests later, too many restless, sleepless nights, she was diagnosed with leukemia.

There were weeks of waiting for results, test after test, of having to sit her in his lap, and explain why she needed to see countless doctors and that things would get better, that it was just for now.

But as he stood opposite her doctor, his hyung holding his shoulder, he had to go home and tell her he lied. He lied.

He'd have to tell her that there was no turning back, and if it was too late for his daughter, the love of his life, the very center of his world, for him, there would be no way forward.

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He stood at the doorway of her hospital room, having just gone home to change up and get her favorite mac and cheese. The sight he met every single time, not something he had gotten used to, despite the number of weeks he’d been at the forefront of it all.

The tubes along her face, her nose, in her arms, something a baby should never have to go through. A parent should never have to think about outliving their child. It wasn’t the cycle. It wasn’t fair.

She deserved, to hit double digits, to find love, to have him fight the need to protect her from every mistake, to always be there for her, she deserved friends, memories, the chance to discover hobbies, she deserved more time.

The saddest part was that she was too young to think of any of those things, and yet, maybe it could also be a blessing.

What you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you, right.

Blinking back tears he plastered a fake smile on his face, the brightest one he felt he could muster. ‘Hey, babygirl.’

She looked up, a small smile, slowly making its way up her cheeks, her face pale. Opening her mouth to speak, he shook his head at her. ‘No, no, shh, baby, don’t hurt your throat.’

Making his way over to her bed, he gingerly climbed in next to her, the nurses used to his presence, the doctors having no objection considering the care he had with her as he slotted himself protectively over her.

Pecking her on the head, he took note of the scrapbook in her hand. She looked at it everyday, pictures of her six loving uncles, Taehyung plaiting her hair, Jimin showing her tiny jewelry pieces, stick-ons for her ears, Namjoon with a bunch of block letters, a tower of it clearly having collapsed around them. Her Uncle Hobi always made her smile, as he had her on his back and his neck, walked her around the apartments like he was her personal chauffeur, Yooni holding her as she slept, light music playing in the background, and her Uncle Jin, her favourite Uncle Jin, always around, choosing school bags, spoiling her with anything she wanted, anything that caught her eye, especially morning blueberry waffles and her dad, Jungkook, her dad, the youngest, the one with the most time, the most allowance to make reckless decisions, the one who adapted his whole life around her inclusion in his life.

‘Hey, remember the story of your first birthday,’ His voice exuberant at her cake covered face,’when you didn’t want to wear the red jacket Uncle Tae gave you, and you cried for his instead,’ he petted her head as he searched her face for recognition.

She pouted at the mention of it, the story recounted so many times before,’Uncle Tae’s jacket was purple, Dad. How could I not want it,’ Her cheekiness earned her a light flick to her nose.

She upturned it crossly, a little zest in her eyes at the familiar chastising.

They paused, looking at each other, before the smile slowly disappeared from her face, the reaction apparently contagious as Jungkook sat up in concern. ‘Dad,’ she started softly, her eyes trained on the blanket covering her legs, ’are you gonna forget me?’

Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat at the innocent question, striving to show no reaction on his face. Moving swiftly, he worked his way around the cables and maneuvered her into his lap. They tried, he tried, and she had been so strong but even at her tender age she knew it, he knew it, the time for sugar coated words, and false hopes were over, acceptance was all that was left.

‘Close your eyes,’ he prompted, wiping tears he could no longer hold back, away from his eyes.‘Can you see me?’

‘My eyes-,’

‘No, keep them closed, can you see me,’ he reiterated, beside himself.

‘No, I can’t see you.’

‘But you can hear me right,’ taking note of her face, her nose, her cute cheeks, he waited for her answer.

‘Yes, I can hear you.’

‘Well,’ he sniffled, head falling against her forehead lightly, the contact needed, ’that’s what it will be like. I will always be here for you. I will always talk to you, and I promise,’ his hand found hers and squeezed it, ’I will never forget you. You may not see me and I may not see you, but you will always be the biggest part of me. And I promise, I will never, ever, forget you.’

He broke at his last words, pulling her into his embrace, holding his Moon, wishing with everything he had left, he would never have to let her go.

Moon passed that night, in her sleep, in his arms, as painless as it could possibly be. Knowing what was going to happen, couldn’t have prepared Jungkook for the real thing. But he knew he had to let go of her lifeless body, he knew he had to call the one person who could handle him or whatever came next for him, and as soon as he saw his Jin hyung, the one that named his perfect girl, he fell into his arms and cried, as his heart shattered into pieces.

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Standing at doorways were his thing these days, he thought, everything he did was not enough, not too much, like sitting on the fence, falling in the middle.

It had been a year, but he couldn’t clean out this room, he still woke up at 5am despite his flexible job because he had to take care of her routine, maybe someday he would have to stop coming in here, but right now, the made bed, the unused room, the stillness of it all, would remind him that even for a time, he had something beautiful, something worth all that pain, a human that he would meet someday again.

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#bts #bts jk #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jeon jungkook #jk #bts angst #bts drabble #bts writing #jungkook angst #bts sad #jungkook #bts au #bts au fic #bts aus #bts au fanfic #bts fic

[thebookreader12345]

Foster Parents

Pairing: Blake Gallo x reader

Summary: Y/N and Blake, who are both firefighters at Firehouse 51, save a little girl from a fire, and later that day, they discover that the girl’s parents didn’t make it, so both of them agree to foster her

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: mentions of death by fire

Word Count: 1,849 Words

“Whoa whoa whoa. What is this?” Mouch asked as he entered the common room, only to find Blake and I taking up the whole couch, including his seat.

“Leave us be, Mouch. We’re tired.” My words were muffled because my face was pressed against Blake’s chest, but I’m assuming Mouch heard me well enough because he didn’t let up.

“Okay, there is one rule in this firehouse, and it’s that the one seat on the couch is mine. You guys have never broken that rule, so why are you doing it now?” Mouch questioned. 

I groaned and sat up, pushing a few stray hairs out of my face. “The reason we’re trying to rest, Mouch, is because there’s a new construction project happening on the same block as our apartment, so on some nights, there’s so much noise that we can hardly sleep.” Just then, the alarm went off throughout the building, and the dispatcher announced that there was a house fire. I groaned again and stood up, stretching my arms and legs before running to the apparatus floor with Blake following close behind me. Everyone put on their gear, and we climbed into the truck ready to go. Stella turned on the engine, flicked on the lights and siren, and then we were off. A few blocks away from the fire, I could see smoke accumulating in the air, which meant this was a big one. As we pulled up to the address, I got to take in the full amount of damage. Bright orange flames were protruding from the windows on the second story, and the once white outside of the house was stained black from being burnt. As soon as we exited the truck, Matt was shouting orders.

“Kidd, you and I will take the top floor, L/N, you and Gallo take the bottom. Mouch, stay here and get the aerial ready just in case we need it,” Matt ordered. Once Blake and I put on our masks and had our gear all situated, we entered the house and started looking around the bottom floor. The first floor was barely touched by the fire, and there was only a bit of smoke that trailed down the stairs filling the rooms. After checking the kitchen, living room, dining room and bathroom and finding no bodies, Blake and I exited the house.

“Captain, the bottom floor is clear,” Blake spoke into his radio. For a few seconds, the radio was silent, but Matt finally said something back.

“Kidd and I have two victims up here. We’re bringing them out now,” Matt replied. About a minute or two later, Stella and Matt exited the house. Matt was carrying a woman in his arms, and Stella was dragging a man behind her. Both looked to be in their early 30s, but because of the severe burns on their bodies, it was hard to tell. As the paramedics went to help them out, a woman approached me.

“Did you guys get the kid out?” the woman asked me.

“I’m sorry?” I question.

“The family that lives here, the Jeffersons, they foster a daughter. She’s about 6 years old,” the woman told me. I scanned the scene, hoping to spot a little girl by the ambulances or near a firefighter, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Blake, there’s a kid in there,” I inform my boyfriend.

“All right. I’ll tell Casey,” Blake said.

“No. I’ll go get her. I’ll be right back,” I exclaim and run into the house, slipping on my mask as I ran up the stairs. I could feel the heat from the flames through my gear, but I pushed that away and continued moving. “Fire department! Call out!” I strained my ears to listen if someone responded, but I didn’t hear anyone. I poked my head through a few doors, and at the end of the hallway, I came across a child’s bedroom. If there was still a little girl in here, she had to be hiding in her room. “Fire department! If anyone is here, please call out.” That’s when I heard a whimper coming from under the bed, so I got down on my knees and peaked to see what was there. In front of me was a little girl with blonde hair, which was partially black from the soot, and she was holding a stuffed rabbit tightly to her chest. I pulled off my mask so that she could see my face, and I knew that wasn’t the best idea considering there was smoke everywhere, but if I was going to get her out of here, then this was the best plan. “Hi. I’m Y/N. Can you tell me your name?”

“Sarah,” the girl responded softly.

“Hey, Sarah. I’m a firefighter,” I tell her. “I need you to climb out from under the bed for me.”

Sarah shook her head and clutched her plushie even tighter. “It’s too scary out there.”

“I know how scared you are right now, but you and I have to get out of here. It’s too dangerous. You’ll be with me the whole time, and I promise I won’t let you get hurt. I just need you to come with me,” I explain. Sarah hesitated for a moment, but soon nodded and crawled out from under the bed. I lifted her into my arms and wrapped my coat around her to keep her face safe from the smoke, and once I grabbed my mask from the floor, I began making my way out of the house. It didn’t take long for us to get out of the house, and as soon as I did, I brought Sarah over to Sylvie and Emily. “Sarah, this is Sylvie and Emily. They’re going to take good care of you.” I set Sarah down and went to go back to my job, but Sarah reached out and grabbed ahold of my hand.

“Can you stay with me? Please,” Sarah begged. Sarah was practically shaking, and the way she was looking at me broke me.

“Of course I’ll stay with you,” I answer. As Sylvie and Brett loaded the stretcher into the back of the ambulance, I turned to my radio. “Captain, I’m heading with the little girl to Med.”

“Copy that. We’ll meet you there later,” Matt responded. I then climbed into the back of the ambulance, and we sped off towards the hospital.

......................................

“Hey. We got here as fast as we could. How’s the little girl doing?” Blake asked and pecked my lips, the rest of Truck 81 right behind him.

“Uh, good. Miraculously, she just had some minor smoke inhalation. Dr. Manning said she would be fine. I haven’t heard about the parents though,” I disclose. At that moment, Dr. Halstead walked into the lobby and made his way over to us. Maybe he had news about the parents.

“Hey, everyone. The parents both had severe 3rd degree burns on more than 50% of their bodies, and major smoke inhalation. I’m sorry, but there was nothing we could do,” Will informed us.

“Wait a minute. You’re saying they’re dead?” I question. Will nodded. “What about Sarah? Where’s she going to go?”

“Well, she’s in the foster system, so we’ve got to call social services down to take her,” Will answered.

I sighed. “Okay. Mind if I sit with her while we wait for them to get here?”

Will shook his head. “Not at all.”

“I’ll come with,” Blake spoke and took ahold of my hand, intertwining our fingers. I smiled at the action, and together, Blake and I walked to the conference room Sarah was waiting in. Her stuffed rabbit was sitting on the table in front of her as she colored on a piece of paper.

“Hey, Sarah. Have you heard about your parents?” I quiz.

She nodded. “I was only with them for a few weeks,” Sarah whispered and traded her blue crayon for a purple one.

“I’m sorry. This is Blake, my boyfriend. We’re just going to sit with you while the hospital calls over some people to help find you a new home,” I tell her.

“Okay,” Sarah said. After about a half an hour, social services arrived to take Sarah. It was hard seeing her go. Even if I had just known her for a little bit, I felt a connection with her. Blake had also seemed to take a liking to her, and while we had been sitting in the conference room, he made her laugh and helped her figure out what to draw next. Just as Sarah and the agent, Mrs. Delores, were about to leave the room, Blake and I shared a look. Blake had lost his family to a fire, and I was no stranger to death. My father had just died last year. We knew what it was like losing parents, and we didn’t want Sarah to end up jumping from home to home.

“Wait!” I call out, stopping Mrs. Delores from exiting the room. “What if we take her.”

“I’m sorry?” Mrs. Delores questioned.

“Blake and I, we could take her. We’ve got stable jobs, and when we’re on shift, my mother could watch Sarah. I know we’re not certified or anything, but Sarah knows and trusts us. If there is any way for this to work, Blake and I would like to foster her,” I state.

Mrs. Delores looked over to Blake. “You’re okay with this?”

“I am,” Blake replied.

“Well, it’ll take about 3-4 months before you can get approved,” Mrs. Delores pointed out.

“I have a friend who can take care of that. Please, Mrs. Delores,” I plead.

“This is unethical, but I see that you really want to take care of Sarah. And we’ll have to schedule a house check sometime this week,” Mrs. Delores added.

“Done,” I say. 

“All right then. You guys can take Sarah home,” Mrs. Delores declared.

One Week Later...

It had been one week since we had started fostering Sarah. Because Matt had been an alderman, he knew people that could speed up the foster parent process for us, so, as of now, Blake and I were official foster parents. Currently, Blake, Sarah and I were all relaxing on the couch watching a movie before bed. I was snuggled up against Blake’s left side, and Sarah was laying on his right, her head resting on his lap. She had been asleep for about 10 minutes and was snoring softly.

“I’m glad we did this,” I tell Blake.

“Me too,” Blake agreed and leaned over to press a chaste kiss to my lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I reply. “Now, which one of us is going to be the bad guy and wake her up?”

“I guess I will, but if we’re going to make this work, we’ve got to take turns. I will not be forever known as the bad guy,” Blake confessed.

I smiled. “Deal.” I know that Blake and I were pretty young to be parenting a child, but in my mind, we were already amazing at it. Sure, we had a lot to learn, but as long as we work together to make sure Sarah is happy, everything will be all right.

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#one chicago #chicago fire #chicago fire x reader #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire imagines #blake gallo #blake gallo x reader #blake gallo imagine #blake gallo imagines #truck 81 #ambulance 61 #squad 3 #firehouse 51 #x reader #imagine #imagines