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c0nfessions-of-a-writing-freak · 12 days

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Do It For Me

Pairing: Marcus Lopez Arguello x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1.1k

Summary: After pissing off Brandy and finally getting what was coming for you. Looking for a quick way out, your eyes luckily land on the new kid. Thinking on your feet, you swoop I'm in for a little kiss to try and ward off the wolves that were on your trail.

Bingo: @eclipsingbingo with the square 'Fake Dating'

*Gif does not belong to me

Your slightly heeled boots clicked through the hallway quickly, walking at a steady pace so as to not let on to how much worry was flooding through your body. You hadn't meant to piss off Brandy, scratch that, you hadn't meant to piss off Brandy enough that she'd get her whole cheerleading squad to go after you.

That's why you were hurridly walking down the school corridor, not even bothering to look over your shoulder as you could hear their pig-squeal-laughs as they followed. As you went you could see heads start to turn when they heard the parade of cheerleaders, their eyes only setting on you after they realised what was happening. The more heads that turned, the more you began to realise just how doomed you might be.

It was only when your eyes landed on some guy you had never seen before. He stood tall as he opened his locker, shoving something into it that vaguely looked like some teddy bear that had poorly been impaled. Your eyes quickly scanned over him, trying to put together the puzzle pieces as to who he might be.

You have never seen him before in one of your classes, which could just mean he was in the year above but you didn't think so. He seemed too fresh, unaware of what he was getting himself into to be familiar with this place.

That was when you remembered what Billy had been telling you. Some new kid was being recruited into this school. Some child killer. The orphanage killer, or something like that.

You had no idea what this killer was meant to look like. Billy had told you stories but even then he hadn't said anything about the boy's features. How could he? He had never seen him before last night or whenever it was that the green-haired boy slunk off with his skateboard and too much excitement flickering through his bones.

You couldn't help but count this as a win as you realised this was the boy who set that orphanage on fire. Never had you thought you would say those words in your head.

Changing the course of your walk, you head straight for the new kid, placing a heavy hand on the locker next to his head and staring up with a large smile. Eyes were instantly on the two of you. If someone hadn't been staring at one of the two of you before, they definitely were now.

"Look who finally decided to show up after my months of begging." You exclaim, saying the first words that come to mind to make it seem like the two of you had known each other previous to joining the school. His head snapped towards you when the slam of your hand had first sounded, face full of shock which now morphed to confusion at your words. "You could've told me you were coming."

"Do I know you?" The boy said, voice not as loud as yours. It seemed he was trying to keep his words on the down low so as to not embarrass you in case you had made a mistake. How sweet.

"Don't be silly," You laughed, your voice calming but still loud enough for any onlookers to easily hear. Lowly though, your teeth bared in a smile to try and not draw too much attention to your next words though, you say, "Just play along."

He blinked almost owlishly at you in return as if your intentions still weren't setting in. You rolled your eyes, your irises landing on the teddy bear that had in fact been stabbed in his locker, a not stuck to it. You sniffed at that. Seems like you were right.

"Oi, cunt," One of the girls--one that you had never bothered to learn the name of--yelled from not too far away, her and her pack catching up to you.

That was the only kickstart you needed to reach up and grab onto the boy's face, pulling him down so he reached your height and smashing your faces together. Your lips moved quickly, almost in sync as he finally realised what was happening.

Reaching a hand up to place on your hip, the other awkwardly hanging in the air before cupping your cheek, he angled your face up slightly so it would be easier for him to kiss you back.

You could hear the sudden stop of shoes as the group after you stopped a few feet away, watching with wide eyes as you kissed the boy's home killer. Someone whistled, probably some lowlife or one of your friends who were also lowlifes. You didn't care though, not when you heard the muttering or the laughing, not when a horde of footsteps kept walking, acting as if nothing had happened.

It was only when the bell rang did you pulled back, taking a big breath of air in as you looked up at the boy through hooded eyes. Hopefully, you didn't share any classes with him or this was going to be an awkward few hours.

"I'm Marcus," The boy says, blinking at you with a smile on his face as if he couldn't believe what just happened.

You returned his smile, grinning up at him sharply. "Hi Marcus, you just saved my arse." Slowly, you push yourself off the locker you had been leaning against, ready to go about your day as if nothing had happened. Marcus didn't seem to like the sound of that.

"What, no name?" He teased, shutting his locker and trailing after you, not caring if the storage unit was actually locked. "I did just save your arse, according to you."

"Don't you think it's a bit too early for me to give you my name?" You joked, walking down the hall without stopping or waiting for him to catch up.

"Well, you did kiss me," Marcus pointed out, grinning cheekily as he fell into step next to you. "I think that you should count for something."

"I don't kiss and tell," You said simply, leaving him to wonder for a little bit longer.

"Well, if you're not going to tell me your name," He started, pulling out a folded piece of paper from his blazer pocket. Unfolding it, he turned it around and showed it off to you. "Could you at least tell me where my next class is?"

You take one look at the piece of paper and say, "Fuck."

#deadly class #marcus lopez arguello x reader #marcus lopez x you #marcus lopez imagine #marcus lopez x reader #marcus lopez arguello #dealy class Marcus #reader insert #x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #mattheo riddle x reader #eclipsing bingo #eclipsingbingo #matteo riddle #mattheo riddle

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sculkapologist · 6 months

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just in time for Halloween, I have finished: A SPOOKY CUSTOM PAINTING!!

well the timing was a coincidence but MAN, this has been a BIG project and I'm so excited to have one complete -- as you can see from my off-hand here, this is map art!!! I kept having the thought "wow I wish minecraft had more paintings" and then realised.... maybe i could make this happen....... process under the cut!

I really like the sort of ambiguous, compressed, pixellated look of a lot of the 1x1s and wanted to try to mimic that, so I designed this by making a simple drawing in Map Art Safe Colours, shrinking it down to 16x32, and then converting it to Map Art Safe Colours again to get the final picture I'd be making (and also adding a frame, so it'd look like a minecraft painting):

I was trying to stick to a flat map (i couldnt find any tutorials for staircasing that weren't just "and then plug it into a schematic program," and I wanted to try to do this by hand), which meant my palette was SUPER limited, probably the most difficult thing about creating this; there were a LOT of previous attempts that just didn't have enough colours available to let them shrink nicely. BUT THEN IT TURNED OUT the palette I was working from was accidentally all the LIGHTEST shades rather than the middle shade SO I HAD TO LEARN TO STAIRCASE ANYWAY

For anyone unfamiliar, the way the "shading" works on maps is that a block has a middle shade if it's the same level as the block north of it (flat), a lighter shade if it's taller than the block north of it, and a darker shade if it's shorter than the block north of it -- so in order to get a whole section to be The Same Lighter Shade, each "line" of the section must be taller than the previous one, leading to a staircase effect.

in order to make a 128x128 area into a 16x16 pixelart, each "pixel" is A FULL STACK of blocks in whatever colour, so HUGE shoutouts to @corruptedendermachine and @inkcryptid for gathering all these blocks for me! BOO MINED A TRULY TERRIFYING AMOUNT OF TERRACOTTA LMAO. And thanks to maf and @tinfoilsnow and phos for building the block-catching area underneath, and helping me tear the first map down to build the second piece!

While tallying up blocks, making a paint-by-number-looking key for myself to reference, putting out a Needed Materials List, and of course actually creating the art all took additional time, I put out the materials list and a call for help with block-gathering in mid-october... this took only a couple of weeks to build??? Admittedly I was VERY excited and focused on it haha.

I'm hoping to make more of these... there are two more designs included in the Needed Materials list that we just need to finish gathering blocks for, and I've made a few new designs utilising the Whole Palette now that I feel pretty confident that I understand staircasing, which I still need to tally up blocks for... so we'll see if I can pull those off!!

#minecraft #minecraft screenshots #vanilla minecraft #minecraft map art #block game liveblogging #minecraft build

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notasapleasure · 7 months

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unluckily for you you are mutuals with the guy who sees an ask meme and sends you

🌀Post the fic summary for a fic you haven't written/published yet. It can be hypothetical or something you really plan on releasing...

❄️Share a snippet from a WIP of your choosing.

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP. 🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

🌈 Share something soft/fluffy from your WIP.

💧Share something romantic/hot from your WIP, or just something sweet if it's gen.

🌩️ Share something funny/cracky from your WIP.

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

🌪️Sum up a WIP with a few fic tropes/Ao3 tags.

Absolute clown-face o'clock here, as I forgot this meme was in the queue - but thanks for the ALL THE ASKS ask!! I'm gonna do the saga au because that's the only place my head is these days, though when I finish part 1 I PROMISE I will get to work on chapter 4 of Counting on You.

🌀 Brassian saga au, aka 'The Saga of The Coal-Biter and The Skraeling'. A prequel AU set in late tenth century Iceland. Brasso is the illegitimate son of an old viking and a slave woman who grows up with a heap of [legitimate] sisters, paternal expectations he has no interest in meeting, social expectations he has no interest in meeting, and a growth spurt that only adds to those expectations and the problems they cause. When the neighbours - adventurous merchants Maarva and Clem - return from the colony in Greenland in semi-disgrace with a 'skraeling' child they 'adopted', Brasso makes friends with the new boy, and Cassian identifies him as a fellow outsider.

As a prequel it focuses on Brasso's own coming-of-age travailles, but within this he learns that the feuds of the previous generation can't be ignored, and that once a feud starts there's no one who's safe. When the violence touches Cassian's family too, Brasso's going to have to make a decision about the strange prophecy the Christian witch Máiri Caleen gave him and figure out a way to reconcile himself to being a hero.

❄️ 🌤️ "You could have challenged him to a duel for that," Cassian stood back and eyed me.

"And had my arse handed to me - at the end of a sword, rather than unarmed. Do you want me to get run through, Cassian?"

He folded his arms and shrugged tightly. "I think you'd win."

"I'm grateful for your confidence," I said testily. I'd realised that he was annoyed with me personally about something, but I hadn't the faintest idea what it could be, and it didn't negate his pleasure in my victory. Still, it was an undercurrent in our conversation, in the reproachful shadow behind his expression, and he was disinclined to tell me what it was, so I didn't ask.

"Do you think this is who you have to be?" he finally blurted, stepping forwards again so he didn't need to raise his voice.

Mystified, I dabbed at my nose and raised my brows. "A winner?"

He had this thing where you could see his teeth working at the inside of his lower lip, and he did it whenever he encountered something challenging - regardless of whether it was a challenge to relish or one that made him seethe. In the case of the latter it preceded a smile like a sharp blade, a baring of his teeth really, and a darkening of his eyes. "Fuck you. The one who rolls over and takes it," he said it so quietly I had to lean in to hear him, and I heard the genuine vitriol in his words. Just like so many others I'd heard speak like that on this island.

"That's not what that was, Cassian," I told him coldly. I continued to bend forward so I could keep his eyes on me, and with just as much repressed anger and certainty as he'd spoken with, I added "Here, where everyone expected me to respond like you said, taking that kind of shit means acting the same way they would. I don't do that. I'm not like them, and they should know it by now. You should know it."

As always when I stood up to him, his chin jutted in surprise and his eyes slipped away from mine.

"You sound like Clem," he said eventually, through a sulking pout.

🌧️ Ok, I´ll let you in on an angsty secret in this viking story: there´s a bodycount :)) so far we've had three murders, one execution, one died-of-sheer-rage, a bunch of haunted-to-deaths, two paranormal killings and there's at least three more murders to come!

🌈 in honour of the rainbow the softness I will let you in on is that Brasso gets a number of boyfriends (even if he's not very good at keeping them).

💧None of the boyfriends are Cassian (yet), but I'm aiming to give them something that's genuinely weirder and longer-lasting and turns into proper 'no one else in the whole known world gets me like you do'. Which I think is hot. But also there is fucking, don't worry.

🌩️oh man...I'm so bad at guessing at what's funny, even when I know there are things I've tried to make funny. There's quite a lot of Vetch, which is kind of cracky I guess? And Cavo is an ale-seller who is always drunk on his own wares. Actually what am I saying, the whole concept of this is cracky as all fuck!!

☔I would so love to maintain my enthusiasm for this AU setting to make it through the two other stories I want to add, one which starts more at the beginning of Andor S1 and ends up with mercenary shenanigans and shapeshifting in Norway, and the second which explains why Brasso is telling his story from a Byzantine dungeon and how he helped Cassian not be in the same dungeon.

Basically it would follow a few trends from medieval saga genres, from the honour/feud-based 'family saga' setting in Iceland, to the legendary/heroic sagas full of wrathful kings, long-distance skiing, bear-fights and large scale battles, to the 'romantic/chivalric' saga setting with mercenary activity in Russia and Byzantium, magic and strange beasts, feats and quests.

🌪️AU - medieval, AU - viking, friends to lovers, slowburn, like REALLY slow burn, idiots in love, pining, intricate rituals, friends who slay together stay together, coming-of-age, canon prequel AU, misunderstandings, dreams and prophecies, (eventually) best friends with benefits.

Also here is the link to the four hour VIBES playlist again, because I am so proud of it :')

For other rancid and self-obsessed vibes check my tags 'saga au' and 'brassian saga au'. xoxox

#saga au #asks #wip asks #brassian saga au #my playlists #my fics #my wips #wip: saga au #saga of the coal-biter and the skraeling #if anyone has any follow up questions please don't hesitate to come and talk to me about them :)))#i mean they may very well be 'what the actual fuck is wrong with you' but i can't really answer that in the text box limit #andor #andor fic #brasso #cassian andor

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fakeloveaskblog · 2 years

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(Hi, me again. Sorry I completely forgot to write the ask so thanks for the reminder. Also sorry if I sabotaged your plans by suggesting going to the park. I hadn’t realised that Virgil’s ideas were planed locations and not just suggestions that you wrote to show what kind of outing you had in mind. I hope that wasn’t to much of a pain to work around.

Also I guess another ghost ability is teleportation. Either that or I froze time and carried the frozen Virgil across town to the park and set up the picnic before starting time again, which while hilarious to visualise me lugging Virgil around what with him being about six times my size, I’d say teleportation is a more realistic scenario.)

Hey first of all

*floats over to the torn off page with the drawings of the watchers on it and picks it up*

I love the drawings. I’m no artist either but it’s the thought that counts. Would I be able to keep this? I like hoarding little mementos like this.

I’ve met your mum all ready when you were staying at your parents house but if you don’t want me around then I’ll stay away until she’s gone. You have my word.

As for not being alone. I’m sure that at some point you will meet someone, as a friend or a partner I’m not sure but I’d say that it’s important to make sure that you won’t be a danger to them before you do. That sounds cruel but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it. You aren’t some evil, cold hearted, monster but you do need to learn how to control your impulses to hurt people and to be in control or someone else’s going to get hurt. But hey, you’ve already taken the first step by admitting to yourself that you have a problem and by going to therapy to deal with it. I know I keep harping on about it but I really am proud of you for working to become a better person.

Anyway back to the previous point. You are genuinely a likeable person when you’re in control of your impulses so if you can learn to manage them I have every confidence that you won’t end up alone.

Now seeing as were in a nice open space I’ve got a fun idea of something we can do.

*creates a bucket of water balloons*

*chuckles sinisterly*

Run!

*begins throwing water balloons at Virgil*

Just to make things fair I promise not to phase through the balloons when you throw them.

*some time later when all the balloons are gone*

Here.

*summons a towel and hands it to him*

We should probably call this a day soon but this was fun! We should definitely do it again!

Glow Eyes

(Don't worry all I had planned was like [Go to aquarium -> meet Os maybe?]/ [Go to library -> meet Jan/Lo maybe?]. It wasn't any more than that. btw I imagined you traveled through the void and just kinda pulled Viv with you but thats just my image of what happened)

Virgil tried to hid his surprised look as you took the drawing. He quickly crossed his arms and looked away "Yeah sure you can keep it. Whatever. I don't care. Do I look like a guy who cares. No. I don't. 'Cause I don't care"

All while you talked he was picking on loose threads on the picnic blanket. Slowly the threads unraveled making it look like the blanket had a missing piece at the edge.

"You're making me sound like some dog who's got to get trained 'cause it bit some kid" He got a snide look on his face as he mimicked you're voice "Danger to them. Whatever" The snide look disappeared as he rolled his eyes "I mean. You're right. I'm just being grumpy 'cause I don't like hearing it"

He rubbed his eyes to try and rub some of the grumpiness out of him somehow. In the middle of your sentence about how he wasn't a cold heartless monster he stopped and pointed at you.

"That I don't agree with! Like c'mon! I don't think any kind of good person could still sleep well after what I've done to Remy" He let you finish your sentence before adding "Best possible outcome is that if someone's gonna get hurt it'll be me"

You'd barely even managed to get your compliment about how proud you were out before he was already crossing his arms and pouting and looking away and all the other things he did to pretend he was mad instead of embarrassed.

"Yeah yeah whatever makes you feel better" He waved off, his cheeks slightly pink.

The pink shade changed into red when he heard your next part. He puffed up his shoulders and straightened his back to look cooler than he was.

"You think I'm a genuinely likeable person? Hah! I tricked you! This was all part of my plan! You're stuck in my web! Fucking stupid silly flying creature! That's what you are! A silly fuck!" He babbled out. "....I guess....I guess....All I can hope for is that...more people...or even one is as stupid as you..."

His shoulders returned to their slumped down state as soon as he saw the water balloons. He glanced between the balloons and your big eyes.

"Seriously? I'm an adult. I would love to throw harmless shit at people"

As soon as he'd finished his sentence he scrambled up on his feet and walked away. He wasn't much of a runner. He was walking very quickly though. With the way he was walking It looked like he had the song with the fastest bpm ever playing in his head.

At some point between the throwing and run-walking Virgil forgot to keep his expression cold and let himself up into a genuine smile. Even if it mostly was because he got to throw things at you.

Every time one of your balloons hit a tree instead of him he shouted out how the tree spiders were on his side!!!

All of a sudden he stopped right when he was about to duck out of the way. Your balloon crashed perfectly into the top of his head making his hair drip with water that ran down to his back.

He was still holding a balloon in his hand but his head had turned to stare over to the street near the park. He took a step back so he was more hidden behind one of the trees. In turn you floated right next to his shoulder.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was just a few people walking down the street. They didn't even walk in any goofy way.

"Panicked a bit" Virgil mumbled out while pulling at the zipper of his hoodie "I've seen them talk with Ossie before, got a bit like anxious he was also there. I'm not exactly in the mood to chat with him..like...ever"

He shook his head and took a deep breathe before turning back to you and throwing his balloon right onto you. He laughed right in your face.

"Get fucked!" His laugh ebbed out into another anxious chuckle as he glanced to the street again "They're probably just dealer buddies. Nothing to worry bout right-"

A car rolled down the street, one of those tiny italian cars. It was bright red and was swaying side to side like it was being drunk driven. Virgil squinted.

"I recognize that car.....When Remy's been showing me celebrity news and stuff I've seen it a few times. It's uhhh it's the car of....hmm...That lady who looks weirdly a lot like that Remus guy! but like uh a lady version?" He half smirked "See. I know things too" He limped his wrist before chuckling.

You handed him the towel while the two of you went back to the picnic blanket. He ate one of the leftover sandwiches. You showed, in a kind of horrifying way, how you could swallow an entire baguette in one piece by shifting your form.

You said the last part of your message while blinking your eyes in shades of pink.

"This day fucking sucked aside from the part where I got to throw shit at you" Virgil replied in a sarcastic tone. He looked away and rolled his eyes so hard it was kind of impressive "....thanks...I guess or whatever. I should probably go home and try to clean up a bit before my ma gets here"

#ask #glow eyes #thanks for the ask C:

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lindwurmkai · 5 months

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who's up for another round of tumblr user lindwurmkai criticising what other people are complaining about? 👉😏👉

no but for real tho. there is a whole, idk, phenomenon i often encounter on here where being rightfully exasperated with certain "popular" behaviours (example: wanting a "canon" answer for every question you have about a piece of media) turns into condescending mockery of anyone who ever behaves that way and treating it like it's completely bizarre when in fact it can simply be an expression of autism.

which makes it all the more puzzling when i see a dozen fellow autistics reblog the post, too. (this was not directly inspired by whoever last put a similar post on my dash btw. i've been meaning to write this for days)

another example is "the curtains are just blue" but i've talked about that before. and struggling to understand that fiction follows different rules than real life!! plus several other aspects of "basic media literacy" that can actually be quite difficult to grasp for a lot of people.

"why does it even matter if something is canon or not? why do you need a wiki for everything? who cares what the character's 'real' favourite colour is?" maybe because to some people, learning fun facts about wizards or dragons isn't fundamentally different than learning fun facts about trains or dinosaurs. i'm not saying we don't understand that they're fictional, but that the desire to find out more is the same. and speaking from personal experience, it never even occurred to me that authors who didn't care about the details of their worlds and characters beyond what was in the story might exist until i literally learned about it on tumblr in my 20s. i understood that tolkien was a bit of an outlier but assumed it was just a matter of degree.

people always blame mega franchises and cinemasins or occasionally the american school system for some reason. or social media. and it's probably true that each of those things have contributed to an increase in certain behaviours that you may find annoying! it's definitely true that certain franchises have contributed to a shift in the average person's default assumptions regarding new media they come across. so i completely understand where the exasperation comes from, don't worry

but this is like the difference between criticising fandom trends and criticising individual fans' preferences all over again, except worse because this time it's ableist. you would not believe the things i didn't understand about fiction a decade ago, and a decade ago i was already 27. seeing people get condescended to for the same misunderstandings when some of them are even younger really sucks.

it is possible for the same behaviour to have more than one cause. maybe that one person really watched too much cinemasins while another doesn't even know what that is and yet analyses media the same way because it's how their brain approaches fiction intuitively. maybe one person didn't pay attention in english class while another tried so, so hard to understand the material and still couldn't. maybe one person thinks there's a canon answer to everything because that's what their two previous favourite franchises were like while another is simply applying the "gathering dinosaur facts" approach to fiction and has yet to realise not every author operates like tolkien.

for a long time i couldn't distinguish between plot-relevant details and extra fluff because to me the point of a story was to introduce me to a new world with fun new characters in it. of course 3 pages of infodumping wasn't a problem! of course the character's hair colour was important! the idea of authors answering questions with "it doesn't matter, feel free to imagine whatever you want" would have confused me so much if i had encountered it back then. i already knew how to invent my own stories, but i wanted to know more about this story???

just because i've (mostly) figured it all out now doesn't mean i don't remember being that person everyone loves to mock these days.

#also my ability to identify metaphors varies wildly based on various factors #which is funny because i can hardly form a coherent sentence without accidentally using two metaphors #throws this rambling post at you and runs away #weirdo chronicles

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drew-mga2022mi5016 · 11 months

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Research | Personal Branding - Initial Realisations

This module has us think about who we are as people, what we want to do and how we want to represent ourselves. Who am I? What makes Drew (that's me), Drew?

First, I analyzed my current portfolio and art style to try and identify any strengths and weaknesses, a SWOT analysis if you will. As mentioned earlier, I plan on focusing on 2D animation and illustration and mixed media artwork for now, so my work mainly capitalizes on these aspects. I realised that my art has a certain flavour; sketchy, with a soft palette and somewhat simplistic art style, but still packed with details. In my work, I enjoy adding smaller intricate designs and easter eggs, one could think of it like an onion (admittedly, I stole this phrase from a friend of mine in our Visual Communication department who follows roughly the same work ethic as me. Sorry, Dulana). Furthermore, I am also fond of the process that goes into making art, so I've included process work from concept sketches to the roughs of all my pieces.

The most glaring weakness in my portfolio however, is a severe lack of work that I can tangibly showcase. Although a lame excuse, the reason for this is my investment of time in the degree programme, however this would change with this semester, as the focus is to find a decent internship.

With that done, I now come to the question of what makes me? Why would people want to work with me? Am I a person who is part of a larger machine, or am I the pilot? Am I even related to the machine? Maybe I'm just some painter on the side of the road? I see myself as a creative force of nature, so to speak. I do not think I could merely be one part of a larger project, I'm more like a spontaneous burst of energy on a whim. I do recognize that due to my activities in the Student Chamber at AOD and my previous position as Vice President that I do have a certain skillset that pertains to leadership, communication and consistency, however I feel that in the future I want to make things that are successful because of what they say, not because I made them. In other words, I do not want to chase fame.

At the end of the day, I want to be an independent creator, which is a difficult journey for sure. In order to get there, I need to learn the skill of selling people my ideas, which is essentially (dreadfully) marketing (what a BORE). I'll need to foster an entrepreneurial and narrative mindset for this. At the end of the day, it's simply a means to an end. I also asked the question of where I would proliferate myself, and to that I do not have a solid answer as of yet. Off the top of my head, the first and easiest thing that comes to mind is social media like YouTube, TikTok, Vimeo, Instagram, anywhere people interact. Furthermore, I would love to proliferate in real life as well, through some form of design campaign (AR perhaps?). These are merely initial speculations, so I will have to properly think about this and the feasibility of it as time passes.

Finally, I asked myself what my story was. What got me where I am now? Right now, nothing of note comes to mind. I studied English Literature at school, and on a whim, decided to drop out during my Advanced Level examinations and change gears to the arts. I had realised that the education system in schools are extremely flawed, and wanted a new, non conformational change of scene. I'd always been an artists (in a sense, I wrote novels and drew anime characters from time to time, and my mother and I have a string background in music) and I felt joining the Motion Graphics and Animation programme on campus would help me become a better storyteller. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with the visual arts again and as of now, I'm on a trajectory to combine my love for literature and art going forward by creating books, graphic novels, short films, table top games (maybe?) and essentially creating my very own universe with all these interconnected characters and stories.

This made me realise that maybe to get where I need to go, an unconventional internship may benefit me here. As a creative, broadening my scope could possibly help me get where I need to be in the future. For example, an internship in finance could help me learn how to actually price my work, lots of creators ask the question "how do I price myself?" Art is hard to quantify as it is, but we need to do it in order to make money (I'm not saying I want to intern in finance, God no, but it illustrates what I'm trying to say about a different sort of internship). In my case, maybe I could look at places with strong connections to art and culture, or hone in on my strengths of music to learn how to create a multisensory experience through my work? I believe now, it's time for a bit of self reflection.

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janajelic · 1 year

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Build yourself up.

A few weeks ago I read a sentence that somehow sticked to me. "Lose your self. Build another one. Lose that one. Build another." I've tought a lot about it. Because that is somehow what happened the last 2 years and what still is happening in my life. Now more than ever.

Theres a saying: "You collect so many pieces of people as you go about this life. You're a mosaic of everyone you've ever loved, even for a heartbeat."

And I have never heard something truer. Because you can literally feel how people shape you. And I don't even mean it in a bad way. People teach you, if you really listen. If you're not filled up with yourself you don't have room for anything else. After every person I met I learned something new. Wether it was something about the world, life or even myself. And everytime, I grew. I somehow became someone new. Because these people helped me get to know myself better. They shed light on some parts I thought weren't there or that I wouldn't want to look at. Parts that I burried deep down in my subconcious as you would say. The ego seems to think that you're fine the way you are. And don't get me wrong, you are. But at the same time you are not. We think that we're working constatly on ourself and adressed the things that bother us. The parts we don't want to look at. But sometimes you need people to help you with that. And even if you say you don't need their help, oftentimes you don't even know that it's help. And they don't even know it themselves. Because life works in mysterious ways and we don't know what happens behind the scenes.

But what I can guarantee from my own experience, is that every person I met helped me discover a new part of myself. Something I didn't know, or didn't want to know. Something I thought I already worked on but I didn't. And even though it wasn't always a happy ending, it was. It's weird to explain, but I am thankfull for every experience I had, for every lesson life gave me wether it was pain- or joyful. Because it brought me nearer to myself. And for that I'll be forever grateful, and never angry and bitter.

Like I said in a previous entry, we aren't always the good one in every story. Maybe we helped someone out too somehow, without even knowing it.

And what happens after you get crushed or heavily influenced by an experience is, most of the time, the questioning of your own persona. And we need to keep in mind that persona means mask on latin. You start to question where it went wrong. And I'm not saying that you made all the mistakes or the other person, wether if it's in your work place, in friendships, family or with your partner. It doesn't matter, life consists of relationships. You can put this interpretation everywhere. But the crumble of your persona is a essential consequence of the experienced. And I think it only is able to crush us because we weren't true to ourselves. We tried to fit in, thats why it hurts. Because we tried and it still didn't work out the way we wanted to. And so, the mask falls. Because it forces us to take a step back and look where we went wrong, where we betrayed ourselves just to be liked by someone or a group of people.

And often times it needs an event that has a bigger influence on us to get this process started, as for example Carl Gustav Jung said. That's where we become aware of our shadow sites. Because we can't ignore it. We walked around with that mask for so long we don't even remember who we were before society told us who to be. So the feeling of being lost arises and we wonder how we'll get out of this.

At first, we maybe try to distract us with whatever helps us. But after some time we realise even that doesn't help. That's what I meant with life giving you no choice after ignoring the signs for too long. Eventually, you'll have to sit with your shadow. And introduce yourself to it, because it's a part of you. So, what I mean by that is, you loose your self during that process, only to built another one. And right when you tought that you found another one, you'll loose that again. And everytime you loose it, you'll find one that is more the real you. Until this persona doesn't fit anymore. And then you shed your skin, again. And again. And again.

That's where relationships fail, friendships break, we move across the country or world, change our job. Thats where we isolate ourself or can't get enough of exessive partying. Or having one date after another and trying to force yourself to something you think you should do thats where you find yourself in places asking yourself "what am I even doing here?". But none of that is an "I have to", it's all an "If I want, I can". But ohh you got to take care of staying in the middle, sticking to yourself like you would to a loved one. Because if not you'll loose that one faster that you think, and with it everything that doesn't fit anymore will vanish too.

It's like a rebirth, a hurtfull but still liberating one. Because if you think of it like that, you'll always have the opportunity to invent yourself new. How exiting is that?

Life has weird ways of giving you the opportunity to grow, but it for sure never rests. And we'll neither.

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necessaryvent · 1 year

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Back to therapy.

I took a year off. My life was falling to pieces (which had to happen) and I had to return to work which clashed with my psychologist's clinical hours. I could have pushed harder to keep it up but honestly, I felt like I had the tools from previous therapy plus the resilience (and support from my network) to get through. It was never going to be easy but I knew I could do it.

Now I'm going back simply because some slow ass that works for her called and offered me an appointment out of nowhere in the new year and I said yes because I felt like I at least owed it to myself (and to her) to come back and let her know wtf happened with me after I dropped off the planet. Like to have...closure? Like I don't know - I might continue on with her for a while. But I started seeing her because of my relationship issues but now my issues have changed (lol there's always something right). So I feel like I almost need to wipe the slate clean (like not completely clean - everything is a work in progress). A huge event was happening for me a year ago and now it's not happening anymore. I dunno.

I hope I don't cry or feel worse for rehashing things or start worrying about what she personally thinks (while being the professional she always is). Yikes.

I feel like I should have some things up my sleeve that I would like to address in upcoming sessions:

recap how my last year has been and how I navigated my separation and how my husband and I came to reconcile.

How I feel about my son's ADHD diagnosis and realising my other kid will probably have a diagnosis when she's old enough and how I have ADHD and how I now realise it's actually a lot for me as a person and parent and how I feel about getting some help for myself now I can see the difference it's making in my son. Also how I think my husband has some (could just be childhood trauma/learned behaviours but either way the result can be the same). Also how I realise I have carried a lot of shame in the past.

How I'm trying to balance being a working mum. I feel so time poor and even when I have time 'off' I don't. But I really want to work on not losing myself again. How I struggle to not eat emotionally and to I want to prioritise exercise but I don't do it. And I'm so tired from my kids haha.

How my daughter has really struggled to adjust to full time school - does she have any tips for me?

Anyway, after that I'm going to get my nails done (and hopefully get something to eat for lunch).

I'm tired but so happy last night went well with my daughter sleeping through.

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allmightluver · 3 years

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**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms

Yes. I don’t think people quite grasp what all he’s going through.

It’s been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesn’t matter. They’re ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinori’s intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the world’s flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as we’ve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I don’t doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana.

Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldn’t be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasn’t until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think he’s truly realized how dark the world really is. Toshinori didn’t have that. He didn’t have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadn’t become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man who’s lived through the world’s horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy.

Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, she’s killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasn’t strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. He’s still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesn’t know what they are surely he’s at fault for something, but he’s the only person who’s stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.

Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter I’m referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further.

^^These happen in succession of each other^^

No one stepped up to say “Hey, Mr. Number 1, you’ve been working hard lately. Let me help you!” No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happened before Toshinori’s injury.

The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he can’t do (at least the way he’s always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that I’m sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that man’s head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that man’s mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.

Then we have Nighteye’s betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didn’t want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows he’s on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on?

I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.

He’s wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He can’t over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. It’s canon in the side books that he really doesn’t eat much, which isn’t good for his diet without a stomach now (he’s supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesn’t feel hunger anymore.) He’s a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now he’s in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from “forgetting” to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. “...even as my body rots and grows frail...” - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinori’s side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.

Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinori’s paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldn’t handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him).

He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (there’s a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things I’m sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldn’t take the people’s cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (It’s also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.

People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didn’t exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. He’s never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! He’s learning. And for his own credit, he’s an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but he’s doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, it’s just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinori’s failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.

Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinori’s legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinori’s sake. Something he didn’t want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldn’t have been easy.

Oh, by the way? All For One isn’t dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his master’s grandson in the villain’s hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like she’d asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isn’t allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because there’s a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, he’ll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing that’s been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And he’s done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.

He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Might’s retirement. If he hadn’t been captured, All Might wouldn’t have had to save him, and he wouldn’t have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows that’s not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasn’t the cause of his hero, the world’s greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinori’s body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasn’t held when his mentor died. He wasn’t told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasn’t told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nana’s death. He already blamed himself How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him? For what he lost.

And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely won’t survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesn’t hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He can’t accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before it’s too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.

Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, they’re the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasn’t mad at Izuku for transferring it away, he’d never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugo’s side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.

As he tells Aizawa, “I’ve decided to live,” -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didn’t die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, he’d have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, he’ll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. “I’ve decided to live.” Not, “I’m going to live!” “Nothing can kill me!” “I won’t go down without a fight!” No. “I’ll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.” The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. It’s painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesn’t have to? For you, my boy. You’re the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.

He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holder’s quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that he’s worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesn’t know how everything works, and he’s afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.

It’s only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldn’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.

Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached it’s limit, Nighteye��s prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori can’t even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?

With all Toshinori has been through, I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.

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karolinevassalor · 3 years

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TWST headcanon: you reap what you sow feat. Dorm Leaders

Okay, i got a kinda overblot after so many stupid otome game/manga scenarios, which not make any sense. At least to me. After watching/reading many amazing anime/manga/novel where the characters think rationally, a little scenario came to mind.

What if MC/Yuu is like an otome game heroine and the dorm leaders are the capture target. They have their own gf/fiance but after they met MC they want to abandon them. Later they realise MC want a reverse harem with them, which is only made frowning with disgust - cause they all thought MC loves only one among them, separately - and they want to got back their previous S/O. But...they have some word to them.

Warning: moderate angst, abandonment, mention of cheating/ poisoning,/bullying and phsycal harm (bad english in some part xD) and very sorry to everyone who loves otome games. But i cannot bear the so many stupidity in them :3

Riddle:Even your mother made you a control freak, i never said bad about it. because it somewhat made you a hardworking and loyal man. But as your girlfriend i want to show you a little different way of life. What we can build together. But i got collared every time i made a slightest suggestion. Then i cried myself into sleep when I saw how much you adore another one, who did exactly what i want with you. You know Riddle, I almost choked when you punished me last time. And i seen your face. You.Not.Cared.About.A.Slightest. Now why i need to see your crying face and accept apologise? Its too late, you sulky little hedgehog.

Leona: I never seen you as a lesser of the princes. I know you’re smart, brave and sometimes even caring. But never to me. Even our engagement just political, i hoped one day you finally open up to me just for a bit, but i only received scorn and rejection just because your “danmed family forced me upon you”.Even you claimed to never loved me and i was bullied your precious herbivore, i just did what any other woman do if they see another girl start with their man. The last straw was when you hit me. After that you ceased to be my...anything. You reap what you sow Kingscholar...now you’re truly a pitiful prince.

Azul: I still remember the day, when you mushered up your courage to protect me from the bad guys at school. After that day, you was my shining knights. Years later i was beyond happy when you asked me to be your girlfriend. Im not cared about your shady business, because it was enough me to your side and aid you.My heart was broken into pieces, when you shredded our contract in the front of everyone and embraced the newbie as your beloved angelfish. I still question myself i was this blind so many years or your heart was capable to this fast change because of many honey-ed words. You hated your bullies and i never thought you became one of them. Now, nobody want to near you. You’re all alone Azul, whats next?

Idia: I started to play games, because that was the only way to even speak with you. Soon i start to understand why you love this many worlds and endless opportunities. I even started to understand your other otaku habits. I don't want you to shine to everyone and become socialite, but as your fiance I hoped you say to me a small “thank you” or “don't worry, i'm with you”. But you never did. Instead, you ran the other woman's arms to find solitude. But, reality is always cruel, doesn't it? Go, hide in your room like you always did. Nobody is coming to save you anymore.

Kalim: I trusted you, Kalim. You was my sunshine which made me smile every day, even when I was faced with death. Because of you. I learned to be happy by your side, but you throw me away like a used rug. You called me the cloud which made the sun hide, the shadow he never wanted. At that moment, I felt my life meaningless and empty, but later I realised how big of a fool I was to think you’re the only one who can make me happy. Now i live for myself, and i beat anybody who is against it. Remember, when you laughed off when I said I want to be your only one? Now how do you feel about sharing your “beloved sun” with others?

Vil: I know your personality very well, Vil. I take your strictkness as a strange act of care. But everything changed when she appeared. You always compared me to her, your words became more and more harsh and cruel with each day. But I did not give up. Your father’s words was in my mind, and he told him how a good and caring man are you beneath the many makeup. But you crossed the line when you tried to poison me, Vil.Now the whole world see you as a real bad guy, who cheated and almost killed his girlfriend. Get used to the villain characters again dearest, because you’ll not got any other role...if you got any after this.

Malleus:Lilia was right. You still a child. A child who quickly throws away his old, used toy for a shiny, new one. I never cared about your title or how other called you monster or intimidating. I know you was a kind and caring beneath the shiny scales. And, i never laid my hand on your precious child of man, even she said otherwise. Because i was so happy when you made a friend on your own. I never thought its result would force me to exile and shunned by your peers. Oh, now you’re crying? Yes, the accusations turned out to be false, but now you cannot take back your words. Its over now. Her highness annulled our engagement, I have nothing more to say you...your majesty.

#twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #vil schoenheit #leona kingscholar #riddle rosehearts #idia shroud #malleus draconia #kalim al asim #azul ashengrotto #mc/yuu #otome game #fiance #girlfriend #angst #you reap what you sow #poison #cheating

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wornoutmouse · 3 years

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Sukuna pt 1

So i wrote this man's name wrong in this whole thing but you got me fucked up if you think I'm going back and editing. It will be fixed in the part 2

Dubious Concent, very breif religious themes, manipulation

Spoiler: this takes place after the deal

"So there's something I have yet to tell you about." You raise your face from your textbook and look over at Yuji.

It was Saturday and you two had agreed to study together well, you were studying, he was more or less watching you solve problems that "had too many letters to be math."

"What is it Yuji?" The pink haired boy scratched the back of his head as he looked anywhere but your face. You raise an inpatient eyebrow and glare at him over the rim of your glasses. "Let's talk about it today not tomorrow please."

A faint blush formed over the bridge of his nose as he made eye contact with you again. "Well you see, I kinda got a curse demon thing named Sakuna inside of my body cause I kinda ate 4 out of 20 of his fingers."

The room was filled with silence as Yuji waited for your response. You blinked once. Then twice. Then thrice. "Get the hell out my house Itadori." Was all you said as you returned to your book and mumbled a quick prayer.

"What seriously I didn't even get to explain!" You closed your book and threw it at him. "I am a child of God if you don't get yo demonic self out of my bubble of safety!" Yuji dogged the incoming stack of literature with a playful smile on his face.

"Aw come on Y/n, you haven't even met the guy! What happened to don't judge a book by it's cover?" You put a hand on your hip, "Yeah well this book doesn't have very good reviews."

You walked up to your desk drawer and pulled out a cross and a spray bottle you had blessed. "If you really got all that in ya guts, let me meet him then." A concerned face comes over Yuji's features. "Well uh...I was joking."

You cross your arms over your chest and trap your foot, Yuji gulps slowly and you can't help but notice his eyes briefly travel down. You drop your arms and wiggle your jello like body to get his attention.

"I don't think it's a good idea right now he hasn't shut up since we've got here." You roll your eyes, "Oh no backing out now, let me meet him since he has so much to say!"

You saunter up to Yuji with a smirk on your face, "Don't be a chicken, if I get in trouble you can just come save me can't you?" Yuji nodded but looked to the side still conflicted, "All right but only for a moment."

You shrugged and walk back to your bed, truly not believing that your friend was 'cursed'. As you go to put your cross back, hands come to hold your waist. "Wow Yuji, take me to dinner first!"

Itadori doesn't respond and you tense as you feel a warm breath caresses your neck. "The hell…?" Turning around you look up at Yuji with a bored face. "Are you still doing your little demon bit?"

Yuji's eyes are closed but his mouth is spread wide in a grin as dark lines creep onto his smooth skin. To your complete horror, his eyes finally open along with two others from what you had first assumed to be some type of symmetrical scarring.

"Well would you look at that, the brat actually trusted me." You pull away, the harsh feeling of your desk behind you, burned like fire as you realised you had nowhere else to go.

"T-This can't be real, stop playing with me Yuji." A sharp smirk formed on Yuji's face but you knew it wasn't him. "Oh no this is as real as it gets sweet cheeks." The curse, Sakuna backs away from you and looks around your room.

"So this is a modern home now a days?" You slowly pork yourself away from your desk and back towards your front door. "This would be a dorm but yeah." Sakuna glances at you from the corner of his eyes and you violently found yourself standing in front of your bed.

"What the hell!?" You yell as you stumble in place. "Why are you trying to run dear, the party is just starting." You frown and turn back to see Sakuna's grinning face. '

'forgive me Yuji but I'm about to beat your body to a pulp'

Calculated eyes go down your figure and you couldn't help but shiver with anticipation. "You know the kid was right. Ever since we arrived I couldn't stop talking about what a glorious piece of ass you were."

The new personality rolled Yuji's head in thought as he gazed at your pudgy figure, "Alot of ass it seems."

A presence formed behind you and rough hands enveloped your cheeks, turning your face to glare up at Sakuna. "I don't know if it's the foreigner blood in you but you're a gem doll!" Sakuna purred into your ear.

A warm tongue swipes your cheek and you cringe away. "Would you look at that, you kinda do taste like chocolate!" You jerk your body away from the giggling curse and wipe your face with the sleeve of your shirt. "Ya know I'm really starting not to like you dude."

Sakuna blinked with wide eyes, "Dude?" The air around the two of you seemed to cool a multitude of degrees as an unseen force flings you at the wall above your bed. "Ow-" your complaint is cut off as Sakuna appears before you with the same wide eyes.

"You need to learn some damn manners 'dude'." Sakuna pushes you down on your back with one hand while the other props him up above you. "Let's get to know each other huh, have a lil fun?!"

Sakuna leans down and kisses you. It's harsh and unforgiving and consists mostly of gnashing teeth. It may have been your imagination but you swear you could taste hints of metallic forming on your swollen lips. Any further investigation is forgotten as Sakuna's tongue roughly explored your mouth, swallowing your whimpers.

You weakly raise a hand against his firm chest as he growled against your mouth. After long last, you were able to break away long enough to speak as air returned to your lungs, "Y-Yuji!"

Sakuna covers a hand over your mouth, "Not yet, I'm not finished." Sakuna looks at you for a moment, clearly annoyed. "Let's make a deal coco." Your nerves twitched at the nickname.

"Don't call me that, and why do you think I'd make a deal with you!?" Sakuna grinned as he squished your cheeks together with a mocking tone in his voice. "Because I have the power to hold your precious brat back long enough to snap your pretty little neck."

This of course was not true as per his previous agreement but you didn't need to know that. "What kinda deal you talking about, it ain't got nothing to do with my soul do it?" Sakuna tossed his cotton candy head back with a honk of a laugh. "You mortals are so funny."

A bit of an adoring look came over Sakuna's face as he looked at you. The expression was so unexpected, for a moment you thought Itadori had regained control. "The deal is; I have 4 minutes to do whatever I want with you and then I hand the reigns back to pretty boy."

You glare into Sakuna's many eyes, "Promise?" Sakuna pressed a clawed hand across his heart and a sky smile washed over his face.

"I make no promises I make deals."

I already got the rest but i kinda wanna hear y'all beg

#black y/n #blackreader #kinktober #jujutsu kaisen #yuji itadori #jjk yuji #jjk smau #jjk smut #sukuna #jjk sukuna #sukuna smut

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my-reality-my-rules · 3 years

Note

Big sigh, I’ve been trying to shift since like july and I think I’ve been close a few times but never fully shifted and I’ve been focusing on school since it started back and so I took a break for a while, and since I’ve decided to try again with shifting I just feel so disconnected, like when I first started I felt so connected to shifting but idk now I just feel even more like it’s not going to happen, like that closeness I had with shifting isn’t there anymore. I always saw breaks were good for shifting but idk I’m just dejected I suppose, bc I feel further away from shifting than I ever have. Sorry if this is a downer ask, but is there anyway to get that spark back, I’ve been trying with just like saying my intentions before bed to shift but I just don’t feel it anymore, any suggestions or help would be nice, ahhh ❤️❤️

[thanks for this ask!]

first of all, i want to apologise for such a long wait. this was sent around two weeks ago, so it's been quite a while. anyways; on to the answer!

feeling like you're drifting away from your interest of shifting is completely valid and normal. as it is, it can also be considered as a sign that you actually are closer to being able to shift. I've had that same feeling around the middle of the previous school year, and it left me drifting in this almost-mindless routine. it was that feeling of being exhausted without even doing anything at all, and there had little i could do aside from simply letting the days pass.

i tried to motivate myself by revisiting some old hobbies and fandoms. i forced myself to do all the things i used to do, that I've given up somewhere along the way. i wanted to start a new dynamic, to start fresh, to get myself used to feeling what I've long forgotten. whenever the thought of shifting came to mind, i always remind myself: 'what am i doing this for?', and 'am i truly giving up now?'. these two questions are just some of what really push me to commit to it.

i always imagine that I'm fighting this annoying, invisible version of myself; i pack up all my negative emotions and visualise them as someone i strive to overcome. i imagine them to be that kind of villain in shows no one truly likes/relates to, or a piece of scum that nobody would find it in themselves to care about. for me, my motivation is a competition with my former selves.

moving on; sometimes, simply stating your intentions isn't enough. and really, it's fine. other people may find their motivation, their drive, in other forms or matters. if you think you're someone who learns better through physical activities, then try doing a hobby or a side-interest that could bolster both your enthusiasm and act as an inspiration. the results of your efforts don't have to be perfect—for me, the process of doing something in itself is enough to refamiliarise me with what I'm doing. it's the actions that matter, the ones that affect you in a positive manner, whether you realise it or not.

for example; i haven't drawn nor written anything in a while, and whenever i try to, i end up not actually finishing anything. it'd hold my interest for a few days, then it'll eventually fade when other more demanding factors in my life make themselves known. the interest itself would resurface at some other point in time, but the whole thing simply repeats. as such, when we were given a break, i resolved to continue this habit. i wanted to be spontaneous, so i did just that—practicing and practicing. enough that i feel satisfied with myself, enough until I've felt that i actually made good progress.

it's the same with shifting motivation; it might take you some time to get over certain hurdles in your life and in shifting itself, but it would come naturally as the days go by. it shouldn't matter how long it takes you to do so—even if you've started since july, or since 2019.

regarding your comment on shifting breaks; it's truly up to you on whether you feel as if you need it. if you think you're being overwhelmed, or simply desire a pause, then go for it. i vaguely remember someone saying, 'if you don't bend, you'll break'. it's that same line of thought here. if you keep pushing yourself on, with little regard much else, you'd just end up harming yourself.

once again, I'm so sorry it took me too long to reply. i don't know how you're holding up at the moment, but i do hope that you're doing better than when you sent this ask, at the very least.

i hope this helps! happy shifting ❤️❤️

#finally posted this draft #ily anon #you gave me motivation to write #shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting #desired reality #shift #Esther's shifting posts

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poormeowmeowcollector · 3 years

Text

Let me give you my life

Pairing: Loki x Tesseract

Warnings: Major Character Death, Mourning, delusions, mental illness, alcohol, Original Character Death, Odin, fantastic racism

Summary: After Frigga's funeral, Loki starts hearing a voice. It changes their life completely.

Chapter 2: Verse 2

Chapter warnings: alcohol, depressive symptoms, fantastic racism, stuttering written by someone who doesn't stutter

Chapter summary: in which the Stone starts to influence

Previous chapter, AO3, next chapter

My church offers no absolutes / she tells me "worship in the bedroom" / the only heaven I'll be sent to / is when I'm alone with you

"How was the dining with the good masters?" the Tesseract asks. Loki swears it's sarcastic.

"Terrible. The ones that didn't demand for me to leave were whispering and staring, and some even pitied me… I should have never told Odin that you showed me," they sigh as they lay down, seiðr creating a glass of wine in their hand. Usually, his magic has a tickling sensation, playful and livid. But since Frigga's death, it's numb.

"You're right, I don't belong here… I don't belong anywhere…" they sigh, staring into the goblet with the red liquid. Perhaps, if he could find the strength to end it all…

"No, this is not the solution to your problems. You won't find your family there," it cuts off the train of thoughts before Loki can even process it.

"The only person I ever knew as family is there, Tesseract. Why can't I join?" they don't cry from the mention of Frigga, they haven't done it for weeks. He's just as numb as his magic now, the talks with the Tesseract and goblets of wine being the only things that can make him feel something, but they start weakening too.

"She lied to you, like Odin did. They taught you your magic, yes, but also how to hide what you feel and who you are. She is to blame for the nothingness you feel now, just like Odin is. Tell me, is that what family does?" it argues.

Loki opens their mouth, but closes it again. "No… then, what do I do?" he asks, staring at nothing.

"You live, until you find something worth dying for," it responds, voice softer than ever. He just scoffs and brings the golden goblet closer to his lips.

A blue light makes the goblet vanish before Loki can take a sip, filling them with the dark red liquid. "Hey! That's my favourite tunic, you needn't stain it!" He glares at the top right corner of his chamber.

"You have not taken it off for a week,"

"Because it's my favourite tunic,"

The stone lets a sigh. "Go take a bath, change to your second favourite tunic, try eating something that's not wine and act like you're the heir of two thrones for once or I'll teleport you to Muspelheim and let you burn,"

Loki sighs and gets up, following the shower order (especially because they've started to feel their hair going oily and gross). He had almost missed the feeling of scorching hot water on his skin, even though it started to hurt since his Jötunn form came to the surface.

When they walk back into their chamber, damp hair dripping on their second favourite tunic, they spot a tray of fruits and tea on their bed. "Thank you, Tessie," he smiles and sits beside it, his stomach begging for him to raid it.

I was born sick, but I love it

"I am not negotiating. Not until this monster is out of your house!" Gæirasson spits, small vacant eyes glaring at Loki. They don't shift their face or posture, but the room still freezes.

"Please, reconsider your words. One should not offend a prince like this," an elf notes, as if Loki cannot speak for himself.

"You're to ask for permission before you speak, Gæirasson will only get angrier with you." Odin had told them before the council.

"Please, learn how to manage your fury. You'll start a war without realising it if you keep going like that," Frigga had said countless times.

"A prince of monsters, yes. Isn't worth any more than the Giants I've sent to Hel," the outrageous man growls.

"Do not let him speak to you like this, you're worth much more than these words," the Tesseract says. Loki breaks his posture to take a deep breath, and then turns to Odin with a calm face.

"Father, may I answer to those words the way they deserve to?" they ask, never breaking the collected face. It fools Odin enough to nod a yes.

And Loki lets a grin appear, showing his fangs.

The water inside the goblets turns into ice as Loki rises from their seat, pale skin fading to reveal a blue and marked one. With his new height and black horns, he barely fits in the room, bloodshot eyes glaring at the old man enough to make him think that the thin irises would turn into daggers and stab him.

The man shivers, but not from the cold

"We are not afraid of your riches or your army and your bravado is fooling no one, G-Gærasson," they state, not breaking eye contact as their tongue strammers.

"You think you can scare me when you can barely speak, Giant?"

The negotiation table breaks in half as Loki slams his hand on it. "You have spoken enough!" they yell, summoning a new wave of shivers down the lord's body.

"You will leave this room unharmed only because of my mercy, and you know well that your words have given me every right to kill you right here and right now. You want to bring war to my house, I don't give a fuck. You know why? Because we both know very well that I can chop your soldiers to pieces without using neither my Frostbite nor seiðr and with ease. Go ahead and start a war, I have no problem to end it. The only demand the palace has is for you to pay us with the gold you owe and get lost. Or else, your house will cease to exist and will stay in history only as an example of what happens to those who anger me!" he growls, never breaking eye contact with the lord and not mouthing a single lie. Gæirasson loses his colour, stands up and leaves, panting like a dog.

"Loki, enough. You have your war, are you satisfied?" Odin asks after the door closes.

Loki's fiery eyes turn to the king.

"Satisfied? You should be the one to do this! This man offended our house and the throne greatly, they canonically deserve execution! And you made me sit there like a coward and listen to those insults!" they yell, this time out of frustration. The old Loki would never raise his tone at Odin, good thing he's gone.

Odin takes a deep breath, trying to keep themselves under control. "My son, I understand that you're going through a bad time, but there's no need to lash out like this. Would your mother like seeing you growling and yelling and cursing like a sailor?"

"You have no right to bring her up, she has nothing to do with it!" Loki's fury only gets wilder after this. But Odin does not coward away.

"I said enough! Shut your mouth and leave right now! And you'll be in charge of the war, since you can end it with such ease," he yells back, ten times louder and more intense. Loki lets the Æsir glamour return but doesn't lower themselves more as they walk away.

"You started a war, do you regret it?" the Tesseract asks as long as they're alone in a corridor. Loki grins.

"Not a bit."

Command me to be well / Amen, Amen, Amen

Loki walks around in his room, his fingers picking up each other once again. They tried to quit this habit after Frigga's death, but to no avail.

"Te-te-tesseract," he calls out, biting his tongue at the stutter. Since they've started the war, this annoying stutter has come back at full force, probably from the stress.

"You summoned me, Entropy?" it asks, more like states. Usually, Loki would find comfort only with the stone. But now, it only makes him move nervous.

"Y-y-yes. I did-I did call you to-to…" they puff out some air, closing their eyes with shame.

A hand grabs his hands, making them calm down. Loki raises their head to face an illusion of the Tesseract, trying to mimic contact.

It's a form of a body, tall and lean and glowing blue. Its eyes are looking at him with sympathy, face soft. It's the most breathtaking person Loki has ever seen.

"You can speak freely with me, don't fear," it smiles, tilting its head. Loki lets out a sigh.

"You said that, w-wh-when I'm r-ready, I-I'll agree to your-to your commands. I-I am ready," they speak, not even trying to mask up some confidence.

"I'm glad to hear. But, you'll have to acknowledge that there'll be a cost-"

"I don't care. I-I've lost ev-ev-everything already. You're th-th-the only one left," he lowers his head.

The hand moves to their face, cupping their cheek and brushing its thumb against their cheekbone, huge blue eyes staring into them. He can't help but tilt towards the hand, closing his eyes and breathing slowly.

"Perhaps you shouldn't… I've caused you enough pain, why seek out for more?" it doubts. It's almost funny, listening to doubt in a voice Loki knew to be so determined.

"I-I-I'm sure. Ple-please," they whisper, opening their eyes again. The form nods.

"Very well, Entropy," the serious and awe striking voice Loki knows returns, moments before the blue form vanishes in a light.

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luvdsc · 3 years

Note

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

#asks #jaeismytamtation

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mysticalmusicwhispers · 3 years

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HELLO I'M BACK!! GUESS WHO HAS A TERM BREAK COMING IN A FEW DAYS I'M VERY HAPPY :D this ask is Very Long so i'm going to split it up into a few parts

part 1/2

But honestly, it would probably be something like “I’m going to bring a (dead) chicken to class for show and tell and you two need to act horrified and cause a ruckus because it would be fun and it would scare the other kids :)”. (this is probably bullying, so in an effort to make them slightly better kids, an alternative plot is that a stray cat has been coming to their school and in order to make friends with it, they feed it a whole-ass dead chicken Nyo China got from the butchers and was planning to cook for dinner. The teachers are horrified and confiscate Yao’s backpack for fear of germs and salmonella.)

hhhhhh the first idea is SO FUN my gremlin repressed anger eight year old self would've loved it. the idea of bringing a stinking plastic bag to school, opening it, revealing a dead, fly-infested chicken and then maybe playing a small game of lobbing the chicken around for funsies is both simultaneously horrifying and amazing. however the second idea is also amazing, one of my previous schools had stray cats and staff and students would feed and pet them (and i miss it :( ) and it was the Best feeling... or maybe they could do BOTH? but this time they're planning to bring a dead chicken to feed the cat (aw, even if yao probably gets detention. also a lecture from nyo china on what exactly you should feed a cat, including why you shouldn't steal the chicken she bought to feed it.) and the next time they can bring like. a bunch of dead flies to show their classmates but in a not bully way. i went once to this family friend's house in a part of the countryside that had an abundance of flies. (i literally haven't thought of this in years i'm remembering so many childhood things because of this omg) they had this paper covered with glue that the flies would land on and then be stuck on the paper. it was both disgusting and amazing to watch a black mass of bulbous bodies straining with their legs (which were probably thinner than my hair) to escape the paper. i also think that indchuran, being both little sadists in the making and having an abudnace of fascination like many children, would take great delight in watching an unsuspecting fly landing on the glue, watch it still, glancing around eerily similarly to when humans realise they have gotten themselves in a bad situation, and then start struggling with all their might to get out. but fuck the flies tho they landed on our food all the time there and it sucked. they can die :)

THE PROBELM is... how will they get that many flies in what i assume would be a gentrified ass area with frequent fumigation efforts given that nyo china would not accept anything than the best elementary education for her ward?? (i have a solution) maybe indus has friends in the countryside and she goes with aditya to visit them. and while they are talking aditya wanders about and discovers a few pieces of paper filled with flies. because he is a gremlin, he is Fascinated with these pieces of paper, and he takes one out to Further Examine. all the adults yell at him, but he is Fascinated and will not be stopped. and then a Thought occurs to him: who would probably enjoy this as much as he would? duh, his friends of course! good things must be Shared even if they're kind of disgusting! so what he does is he gets a disposable plastic tupperware like container, very gently places the fly paper into it, pokes a few holes for air, sprinkles some sugar because he thinks that'll keep them alive, and wraps most of it up in duct tape he found so indus can't see it. unfortunately most of the flies died on the way home because the container was stuffed into aditya's bag and the paper slid to the side + there wasn't enough air, BUT the dead flies are still a Sight to behold when he visits iran's house (which yao is /coincidentally/ visiting) to show them. then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool, at least until the teachers see it and start screaming. they throw it away but indchuran get an Idea to put dead flies into the bags of people they hate (this is now just bullying) so that opens up a very few interesting weeks of attempts to collect flies in a fumigated city and Horror for the school. fun times for all!

😔 finding and reading that encyclopedia is probably one of my formative memories now and i wish it wasn't 😔 i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD." but i think he would appreciate her directness even if he didn't absorb all the information correctly or remember most of it lmao because it seems like only a very small percentage of the world has actually good sex ed and i don't think indchuran's school would be an exception. at least nyo china like you said instilled a good sense of consent with them 😔 also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would. he WOULD. nyo china probably wouldn't even have purposely taught him that which is why he doesn't know what it means, just that it's an insult, but once they come up to her to complain all she does is give them a Terrifying Contemptuous Glare and steer yao away from them. yao is her kid and therefore entitled to say fuck whenever he wants.

First things first I hope you had a good term break! this is... very overdue sorry about that :(

Second, ALSK:FJ:SLFDKSFDLKJSLDF the fly infested chicken is disgusting and I want so badly to intervene,,, they need hELP. Please learn about proper sanitation, children, I’m begging you T-T. Also, headcanon accepted: they’re ostensibly bringing it to feed the cats (which is hopefully allowed) but also they want to terrorize (or awe) their fellow classmates with this discovery. Watch the school call up nyo china about this, but she gets annoyed only because yao wasted human food in order to feed cats, not because he brought an inappropriately dead chicken to school that scared the younger kids and fellow classmates lol; what a great value system. Also this scenario def happened: School: your child got in a fight. Nyo China: Oh no! Did he win?

I am both fully revolted and half fascinated by the flypaper thing because on one hand I CANNOT stand flies, and killing them is 178% gross. But also the way you described it is... very compelling and I would like to experience that, gross as it is lol. So yea I can definitely see those three nastily observing the flies getting stuck to the flypaper one by one... they all intently watch the flypaper with round and curious eyes and it really looks very cute from far away, three heads of fluffy hair close together and bent over something, carrying on an animated whispered discussion, until you get closer and see that they’re watching flies on flypaper •—•;; An even more gross scenario would be if one of them accidentally squashes one and they crowd around to see what fly guts look like 😭 bonus points if it happens during school. Also YES to Indus’s countryside friend; I feel like India would have a lot of fun exploring over there and would be able to bring back v cool stories for city slicker Yao, and also Iran (although I don’t know where they’d live precisely. I feel like they’d probably have a medium sized house with very nice art and Classy furniture (they got good taste from somewhere), but they’d also knows a lot about how rural areas work and stuff, so uh.. suburbs? Or something like that?)

“then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool. . .” O—O sigh... three balls of absolute chaos. At least the other kids are fascinated this time instead of apprehensive ^-^ but the dead flies in lockers AL:KDSLFDSJF PLEASE NO me as an elementary student would have been absolutely horrified and I. really hope they get detention for that lol; Please Tone Down kids 😔 (also do y’all get flies in the lights at school? Because every single classroom I’ve been in has either had flies, wasps, moths, or some other black spots in the lights and they’d multiply as the year went on 😭 I never thought about it too much but... what if they linger around to watch the lights get cleaned? o-o)

“i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD."” YEAH there’s always a select few memories that make you realize “what even WAS that” and I think this is one lol. Yao just buries it in the back of his spacious mental closet and makes India and Iran swear not to bring it up again but inevitably they do :))))) they find it rather hilarious, actually. Also yes at least Nyo China did a good job in that department!

“also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would” lol I wrote that thinking he'd call someone a 王八* (because it could technically pass as a regular noun o-o. Who knows, maybe he was insulting someone for being slow like a turtle but it got out of hand due to word choice lol) but... the second scenario is quite something... I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. RIP the other parents who just have to fervently hope that disgraceful kid from next door grows out of his foul mouth soon (he never does, just gets better at pretending his language is elegant and not at all dirty XD)

*for non mandarin speakers 王八 is literally a soft shelled turtle, but is actually a pretty big insult in mandarin :)

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