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thebananniediariesbyannie · 3 months

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let's talk recovery...and the many ways you can begin to refuel and recharge your body

*the topic of today’s video is recovery. this is from my perspective as a professional dancer and athlete, however, you don’t have to be a professional to gain insight from this post

✨ i ignored recovery for a while and just kept pushing and pushing myself until one day, i literally had nothing left to give. now, i take recovery very seriously. 💖 here are some ideas how you can incorporate recovery into your daily life or however it fits into your routine

keep reading! 👇

higherDOSE

let’s talk about why higherDOSE is an integral part of my recovery process

- the PEMF go-mat: i LOVE this device! this supports improved muscle recovery and makes me feel great after my workouts! the heat adds a relaxing touch. another reason why i love it…it helps me to sleep better. i’m a very bad sleeper so this is a game changer for me!

- the red light face mask - i not only love this mask because it’s helps my skin, but the red light is a total mood booster! one of my struggles as professional athlete is being in a positive mental space. it’s very easy for me to feel like i’m not good enough or i haven’t worked out hard enough. so having devices that help to boost my mood, seriously do so much for me! PLUS…i’m glowing once this mask is done working its magic!

youtube

- sauna blanket (not seen in today’s video) - i usually use my sauna mat on practice days. once my dance practice is over, i’ll spend about 40 mins in the sauna blanket and follow it up with a cold shower. this helps me to detox my body and also boost my mood tremendously!

#recoveryroutine #higherdosedetox #sportswellness @HigherDOSE

#higherDOSEpartner #TheBanannieDiaries #TheBanannieDiariesByAnnie

a wholesome lifestyle and positive relationship with food

what i’m about to tell you will take a commitment to you and your body, but in my opinion it was totally worth it; meal prepping. meal prepping forced me to look at what I was eating and intentionally plan out my meals. this has led me to intake more wholesome foods that are nourishing to my body instead of stopping on-the-go and buying random breakfast sandwiches or fast food.

here’s how i did it…i first began by looking up recipes and seeing if there were healthier versions of foods i tend to be drawn to. for example, my dunkin donut and starbucks breakfast sandwiches are now replaced with breakfast sandwiches i learned how to make. i just take one out of the freezer the evening before, and in the morning i pop it in the air fryer…DONE

by no means am i a trained or chef, baker, or cook. i took some time to watch youtube, do some trial and error, and just figure out what recipes and meals worked for me. here are some websites and social accounts where i gained inspiration for recipes (keep in mind, sometimes i substituted some ingredients based on dietary restrictions, etc.). at the end of the day, you need to do what is right for your body.

want to shop cookbooks? here are some i love 👇

reading books and resting your brain

as a believer in resting your brain, taking a break from social media is not only a suggestion, but absolutely neccessary…(and yes, that’s coming from someone who uses social media as a positive platform). this quote (i did not quote it exactly…sorry…) can apply to A LOT…too much of a good thing isn’t always good.

let’s talk about why I (and many others) suggest taking breaks from social media:

it can be overwhelming and cause your brain to process a lot in short amounts of time

takes you away from the present moment and opportunities that are happening in the here and now

looking at accounts that make you feel less than, sad, or invaluable is going to bother you to a certain extent

taking in too much negative news could bring you into a bad thought process

mean people writing and commenting mean things on your posts or on posts of others can be damaging no matter how strong you feel you are

here are some positive accounts i like to follow:

what can you do instead of scrolling social media? here is my favorite idea…reading books. i’m talking paperback and hardcover books. not a nook, not another electronic device..a good “old-fashioned” book…and yes, an audiobook is also a good idea too! here are some of my current favs!

click the button below to find other social media outlets where the banannie diaries posts content! follow, subscribe, and stay tuned for more beauty, fashion, and positive vibes!

#TheBanannieDiariesByAnniey #fitnessgoals #professionalathlete #workingout #fitnessroutine #athletes #athletesoftiktok #recoverygoals #biohacking #biohackingskincare #redlight #redlightmask #pemftherapy

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat cure, or prevent any disease.

#food #alcohol free #healthy living #healthy living goals #healthy #good food #wholesome #protein #fitness

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sanakoreanlangblr · 3 years

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2021 Goals

Heyy! I’ve decided to put my goals for this year here, hoping that that might motivate me further, and maybe motivate someone else as well. Good luck everyone! And please take extra care of yourselves and your health, mental or otherwise! Everything else can wait.

This year has been difficult for all of us. As for me, even now, the upcoming semester is a big question mark. Currently I’m studying in France, and this semester I was supposed to go on an exchange to Taiwan buuuut that’s not happening anymore, as it has been cancelled. So per my school’s requirements I need to find an internship in the place of expatriation, which is a pain now. And that basically just means I have no idea where I’m going to be in the coming year or what I’m gonna be doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry, needed to complain for a bit, as I am going absolutely insane with the stress…

Anywayyyy, I still hope I will be able to uphold most of these goals, wherever I will end up. I tried to not make them overly big, so that I won’t get burned out too fast. But I have a whole year for those, some of these have dates for which I could expect to finish but I will not keep to them very strictly. Whatever happens, happens :))

Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language!

Korean (A2 -> B1)

1. Do 100 lessons of grammar from the HowToStudyKorean website.

I’ve started a few grammar books but in the end decided to settle on this website as I like its explanations best, and it provides the most example sentences when introducing each point. A nice touch is also the fact that it includes a list of a number of new words before each chapter, which gives me some new vocabulary to learn :)

So far I’ve divided the grammar points introduced in lessons into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and turns out I have:

66 „to learn”

35 „to revise”

32 „already know”

So if I did 3 points a week, I should be done around August.

2. Read 2 little stories per week from “Easy Korean Reading for Beginners”.

There is 30 stories in the first one (I already did 5), so I should be done by the middle of April.

3. Do one chapter per week from “My first hanja guide”.

I just got this book for Christmas and haven’t had the time to fully go through it so we will see how it goes.

4. Do Anki at least three times a week.

Every day would be preferable but I know that would last like a week at most.

5. Have iTalki lesson at least once a week.

That one is not a problem as I have been doing one or two per week for the last year, but I would just like to keep it up.

6. Try writing at least twice a month, and at least 2 pages.

Yeahhh that one is a bit of a bother, as writing still takes me a long time so we will leave it a twice a month and see how it goes.

7. Watch one youtube video per week on Korean grammar or vocabulary.

Generally I would say my goal is to use Korean more, as I know quite a lot but when I’m speaking I tend to go towards the easier words and grammar, which is why I am thinking that writing more could help me. And also I really want to focus on learning vocabulary as that’s always been a pain for me, I’m more of a grammar lover :))

French (A2 -> hoping for upper B1/ beginning of B2)

1. Finish the intermediate grammar book. I’m currently doing „Grammaire Progressive du Français” Intermediate edition, for A2/B1.

The problem is that my grammar knowledge of french is a mess , so going through this book is a bit of an annoyance, as most chapters I technically know but each time I find some nuance I wasn’t aware of... therefore I need to go through it, even the chapters I would have assumed I know :|

So I divided the chapters the same way I did Korean, into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and I ended up with:

14 „to learn”

34 „to revise”

4 „already know”

So technically if I did 2 points a week, I should be done in June.

2. Read the two french books I got for Christmas (“Les aventures d’Alice au pays des merveilles” and “Le tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours”).

3. Read at least two of the Harry Potter books in French.

I have started the first one this week, and I can tell it’s gonna be a very very slow process. It’s the first book I’m reading in french so it’s a bit difficult and frustrating but hopefully it’ll get better as I go along.

4. Watch at least 4 french movies, with french subtitles.

5. Learn a french song.

6. Read one story per week from „French Stories for Beginners”.

These are quite easy, but they are a nice practice for switching to books later on.

I don’t know if I’m gonna keep this one in, depends on how much my reading of actual books will progress.

7. Get to point 5 on the Duolingo tree.

I use Duolingo mostly as a revision tool, so I’m not really going to focus on it much, but still want to keep it up.

8. Watch one YouTube video per week (on any topic).

9. Listen to two podcasts per month.

10. At least one iTalki lesson per week.

11. Do Anki at least 3 times a week.

I really need to listen to french more, as I’m good at reading and I usually understand that pretty well, and I’m not the worst as speaking, but I am absolutely terrible at listening :| So that’s a priority.

Chinese (tbh I don’t know...end of HSK1/Beginning of HSK2 -> let’s say the goal is HSK3 for this year)

1. Finish the book „Integrated Chinese”

I’m having a tough time to pick a book from which to learn but I guess for now I’ll continue with that one.

Again, I divided the points in the book to „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and ended up with:

47 „to learn”

11 „to revise”

15 „already know”

So doing 2 a week I should be done in July.

2. Learn 15 characters a day

I am way behind on learning characters.. I remember the words well but I didn’t put enough time to learn the characters at the start and now that’s gonna be a bit annoying to catch up on :|

3. Finish the drama „Go Ahead”.

4. Watch 3 Chinese movies, with both English and Chinese subtitles.

5. Have one Italki lesson per week.

6. Learn a children song in Chinese

7. Watch one youtube video per week on grammar.

8. Do Anki twice a week.

Generally focus more on characters. My speaking isn’t terrible (well besides the tones), but I need to work on the grammar a bit more as I seem to mess up the structures quite frequently. I need to put more work outside of my lessons. Since I found out I’m actually not going to Taiwan this semester my motivation has fallen a bit, but on the other hand I now have more time to prepare for fall, at which point I will hopefully be able to go!

Personal

Read 20 books.

I have always loved reading but in the past two years the amount of books I’ve read has gone down, which upsets me a bit… On the other hand the amount of fanfiction I’ve read is tremendous, so there’s that. However I would like to make more effort to read this year, especially since I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books over those few years.

2. Workout regularly.

Right now I’m at home, so that should be easy to do. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen this semester, so we’ll see what I’m going to do about that later.

3. Eat better.

Meaning: cut down on sugar, eat more veggies and fruit.

4. Get a bit closer to my ideal weight

I’m not necessarily focusing on that this year as the previous one has been hell and really managed to deteriorate my mental health back to high school levels... but still hopefully working out a bit and eating less sugar, more veggies, I will be able to lose a tiny bit of weight. But overall I just want to focus on being a bit healthier.

5. Clean out my wardrobe

Sorry that’s a silly one but I’ve been getting to it for half a year now and I’m just too lazy to do that... maybe once I put it here I will have some motivation

6. Take care of my face and hair

So my sensitive skin hates wearing masks and needs extra care these days I need to really focus on it and baby it, to not go back to the awful red mess it was two months ago

As for my hair, I have kind of 3a curls which I haven’t been taking care of properly and plus I damaged them with hair dye (still I refuse to give up ginger hair, I blame Merida). So now during lockdown and quarantine season I finally had some time to read up on hair care of curls, and honestly after a month I can already see the difference, and well I hope for the best :)))

7. Get a tattoo

It’s something I’ve always put off since I either didn’t have the money or time. And now again both are problematic, so I will wait for the decision until I know what my school semester is going to be like. Maybe this time I will find a good moment! (Although honestly saving up for travelling after all this is over is also a great idea :))) )

8. Don’t go to sleep at 5

Yeah so during lockdown and because of online classes my sleeping schedule got so messed up I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. And while my goal isn’t to switch it to 10 pm, cutting it to 2 am at max would be nice

9. Watch 25 movies

10. Sell/donate the things that I don’t need

I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books, movies, CDs, Xbox games, art products - that I need to get rid of - and I’ve been saying that for like three years now, about the same pile of things. I will try to do that one this year!

I hope everyone’s 2021 will be a ton better than 2020! Keep fighting!

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of-faunsandyellowflowers · 4 years

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Pan (Pæn, Faunus)

note: this is my personal experience with Pan! I still have a lot to learn when it comes to this god, but this is an informational post about what I have learned explicitly from talking with him. This post is not intended to bash anyone or their beliefs regarding Pan, nor is it intended to say that you are wrong. It is purely my own experiences that I share here. If you have a different experience with Pan, that is completely fine! He is always going to be a bit different with everyone.

History: *Pan is a Greek god, but from what he has told me, he is also an aspect of the God Cernunnos. I have another post regarding Cernunnos. This post will primarily talk about Pan.* Pan is a Greek and Roman god of nature, shepherds, sometimes fertility, parties, etc. To the Romans, he was named Faunus. In the myths, he is said to be the son of Hermes, and is half goat half man, also known as a satyr. The name Pan was given to him, because it means all. The word panic is also said to come from Pan due to the chaotic energy that he presents. Following other stories, it is said that Pan had assaulted women (mostly nymphs) who have entered his forest due to them not finding him “attractive”, or loving him back, but this isn’t true. Though Pan does give off a sexual energy, he has explicitly told me that he does not promote violence, or assault against anyone. It is however, true the amount of panic he was able to spread due to his roar when angered. The Greeks were known to tells vivid tales about their gods, and the majority of them are just a translation about human nature, or how they see the world. There is truth to myths, but take for example how much Zeus was said to be a womanizer and abuser. In reality, Zeus is actually quite sweet and caring. It is always best to get information from the god themselves, instead of just myth! Pan does always carry a pan flute (named Syrinx), it is quite possibly his favorite thing. He has told me that during his free time, he likes to play his flute and watch the nymphs dance and laugh

Rules over: Forests, all things wild and wilderness related, sometimes fertility, shepherds, goats Colors: green, brown, gold, earthy tones Sign: earth, capricorn

How He Presents Himself: Pan likes to present himself as a very tall humanoid bull for me. He is upright, wears a loincloth (though not always, he primarily wears this out of respect for my comfort and how our relationship is.) with a belt and a buckle that is gold. He has large horns, mostly shaped like a bulls, including a bulls nose ring, gold bracelets and always seems to be smiling. He is always carrying his pan flute, and likes to play it often. For others it is said he likes to present himself as half goat half man.

Personality: Pan has a very chaotic energy. He can be quite sexual, but will tone this down depending on your relationship. He is very caring and loves to make his devotees laugh. Even though chaotic, he is quite charming and loving. When angered, he becomes to epitome of panic, and can become irrational. This only happens when respect is not given, including respecting animals, forests, and yourself. He absolutely adores music, primarily his flute or other flute music, and loves to dance quite often. Overall, Pan is the life of the party and such a freeing deity. Hes wonderful to work with when I do and is quite literally the epitome of wild child.

What he helps with/Working with him: Pan and Cernunnos have been with me throughout all of my lives. He is what I like to call my soul father and I care for both aspects very much. Pan is all about freeing and embracing your wild side. To work with him you must be ready for some intense energy, and sometimes tough love. He likes to be outside, and will encourage you to get out and be outside. However, he is understanding if you are unable to do so. He is about self care, becoming one with nature, animals, and earth. It is best to note that he will quickly anger if you disrespect yourself, nature, animals and other spirits. I have learned he can sometimes give you the silent treatment depending on the severity of the incident. This doesn’t happen often, and he is very forgiving. You should always ask before picking plants, or working with fae/nymphs. Give offerings in replacement of what you use. Respect animals, and give thanks if you eat meat. That being said, Pan can help you tremendously with confidence, creativity, comfort, and and feeling free.

How to talk with him: Pan will often show up to help those who have been physically or mentally damaged, and try to help boost their confidence. He quite likes working with people who love nature, and aren’t afraid to get dirty. But he also likes to help people with confidence as well! Signs that i was meant to possibly work with him this life were interests in pan flute/flute, my love for ancient Greece, myth, and magic, forests, an increased amount of dreams involving goats and satyrs, etc. To talk to him, you can do so by meditating and asking for him telepathically. It is best if you do this outside, as he is fond of the outdoors. If you are unable to do so, that is completely fine, he will understand. If you want to speak verbally, it is important to ward your room entirely, with the intention of only letting him through. There are so many nasty entities out there who would love to impersonate a god, manipulate you, and cause you to be sick. Always protect yourself!

Offerings: Pan flute music, flute music, music that make you want to dance, wood carvings (ethically sourced wood), wood, horns (ethically sourced), goat milk, grapes, figs, apples, grains, baked bread with herbs, baked goods made with honey (not too sweet), berry wine, red wine, spiced rum or other liquors, honey, pan flutes, herbs, asparagus, olive oil, cheese (he loves goat cheese the most!) cooked meats (ethically sourced only), art, poetry, embracing your wild side, standing up for yourself, respecting nature.

#pan #pan god #greek god #greek mythology #hellenic #hellenic deity #aspect #cernunnos #my experiences #my experiences with pan #father #greek gods #ancient greek #deity work #pan deity

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ask-powerwoman · 3 years

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So, Villa how did Dot find out about Ultra Woman? And why did she leave in the first place?

*This story is heavily based on the Mega Man Archie comics.

“Hey, mum?” Dot asks her creator, Doctor Villa “I thought I was your first robot. WVN-00A.”

“That’s right.” Villa responds with a smile

“Then... who’s WVN-000, ‘Lyra’...?” Villa froze, and glances to the screen that her daughter was looking at.

“See?” Dot says pointing to the name, “I was cleaning up the database when I found this. Is it an error?”

Villa sighs. “That... that isn’t an error.” She says, “Lyra was your older sister.”

Dot’s eyes light up. “Really?! Where is she? When do I get to meet her?”

“I’m sorry, Dot. But I’m afraid you’ll never get to meet Lyra.” Villa says sadly “she was my first triumph, and my greatest failure...”

“I... I don’t understand. What happened?” Dot asks.

That’s when Villa began to explain what had happened many years ago. When she was younger, more naive, and just beginning her life’s work. Back when She still counted Doctor Wily as a friend...

~~~

“That’s it Albert! She’s all done!” Villa says with a smile, lifting the goggles up onto the top of her head.

“Mmm..” Wily placed a hand to his chin, examining Villa’s newest creation. “It’s awfully... human-looking, Winter.” He says “Your military contract was for an advanced combat robot. You’ve built a... young lady.”

“And” Villa says “And my robot master line WILL be capable of advanced warfare --as well as a myriad of other advanced mental processes. I’ll get them their weapon, but this prototype, My girl, will stay with me.”

“Hmph. I’d say... you were taking your love of robotics too far, but then I’d be a hypocrite.” Wily says with a softened smile to his friend. “Let’s wake her up.”

“Right. Wake up, dear, Good morning...” the robot girl sat up on the work table, her long blonde ponytail moving over slightly as she rubs her eyes. “...Lyra!”

“...hello?” Lyra says, hesitantly, before finding herself suddenly picked up off the table and into a strong hug.

“Welcome to the world my lovely girl!” Villa says happily “I am your creator, Doctor Villa!” She allows Lyra to sit down once again. “How do you feel? The self diagnostic should’ve kicked in first thing.”

“I feel... fine?” Lyra responds “all systems report nominal.” She looks around

“I... I feel... confused. Overwhelmed. Disoriented. I know we’re in the ‘lab’ and what a ‘lab’ is but... why?”

Villa smiles with excitement “do you hear this, Albert? She’s self aware! Not five minutes online and she’s already thinking metaphysically!”

“Mm-hmm.” Wily replies scribbling notes down on a pad “Don’t mind me... just taking the measurements you’ll need for the weapon upgrades later. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Lyra blinks and looks at her hands “w...weapons?”

“Don’t worry about that now. You’re taking the first steps to bridge the gap between humanity and robotics.” Villa places a hand on Lyra’s shoulder. “You have data, but what you need now, is culture.”

Villa took Lyra out to see the city. The large buildings that seem to tower over everything, She bought Lyra a long purple scarf that she was fascinated by, She took her to the museum to see wondrous pieces of artwork, to the forest area where she got to feed real, organic birds and a deer, and finally to the symphony in the park as the moon finally began to rise.

In retrospect, Villa was too enthusiastic back then. She pushed too much of the world--of her own goals--on Lyra at once. But she seemed to be accepting it all so well...

Unfortunately, this was also when Villa received a great deal of her funding from military research. Without it, she would never have been able to construct Lyra. However, her benefactors wanted something to show for their investments, so...

Villa placed a helmet on Lyra’s head carefully as they prepare for the demonstration.

“Remember your programming. Hit-and-Run, don’t be reckless, pick your targets wisely, don’t forget to use your cover to your advantage...”

“Relax.” Lyra says with a confident smile. “I got this.”

Villa let’s out a heavy sigh as Lyra walks into the field.

“G-good afternoon, gentlemen. Today’s demonstration is of Villa Labs autonomous combat robot, model number WVN-000.” She says to the military representatives. “Today you will see how a robot can be capable of independent thought. Villa Labs hopes to bring the same capabilities to the civilian sector one day. But first, we will demonstrate the versatility my d--er.. this robot can perform in a... in a live fire exercise. Future models will allow for military operations with no... um... risk to human life.”

The demonstration began. Lyra ducked behind one of the walls as the training drones began to rapid fire.

Lyra smirks, charging her buster and dashing out from her cover, taking out several drones before reaching the next piece of wall for cover.

The shots from the drones cracked the wall on the outside, but that didn’t stop Lyra from leaping up and grabbing a hold of the wall, using the top as cover to take out more drones.

But something wasn’t right.

Lyra lands back on the ground, pushing the wall hard enough to topple it over.

Her body sparking all the while.

As exercise 2 was about to start, the sparking grew worse. Lyra felt off. It was dizzying for her.

“Doc... Doctor V-Villa? Something’s...”

Lyra tried to fire at one of the new incoming drones, but it missed.

And the drones swoop down to cut her with the propeller blades

“Lyra? LYRA?!” Villa exclaims with fear and worry “STOP THE TEST!!”

She came running over to her daughter, who now lay weak on the ground.

“Everything was going so well.” One of the military representatives says, “What happened, doctor?”

“There... seems to be an imbalance in her power generator. She’s never been put under this kind of strain...” Villa says, examining the data she was receiving from the damaged prototype.

“You didn’t test it first?”

“Of course I did!” Villa exclaims “but everything about her is unique—experimental. A robot this advanced requires a tremendous amount of power, and when the output is pushed...”

“It certainly shows promise,” says one of the military representatives, “but the power failure is a concern.”

“Yes...” adds another, “A simpler model would require less power, a simpler battle software would still be sufficient.”

“Congratulations, Doctor, you’ve won us over. We’ll clear you for further research funding, get back to us when you’ve got a smaller, simpler model.”

“Y-yes, sirs...” Doctor Villa says as she held Lyra in her arms, “thank you...”

But that wasn’t Villa’s real failure with Lyra.

Later that night, Lyra woke up in the lab, her core plugged into several machines meant to keep it stable

“Ugh... Doctor Villa?” She asks, rubbing her head, but looking around, her creator was nowhere in sight.

But she could hear an argument from another room.

“Absolutely not!”

“Listen to yourself, Winter! You’re way too attached to her. Let me do the modifications.”

“I said ‘no!’”

Lyra pulls the chords out of her core, and slowly gets up and goes to see what was going on.

“Oh, so you’ll trust me to design her arm-cannon, but you won’t trust me to modify her power core?”

“You DESIGNED it, but you didn’t INSTALL it. I did!”

“And you obviously did it wrong, hence the imbalance!”

Lyra stood still, watching her mother fight with her friend.

“You were BANNED from directly working on advanced robotics.”

“Nice of you to reopen THAT wound, Winter.” Wily huffs.

“You brought that upon yourself!” Villa retorts, “But more importantly, Lyra is MY girl, and I’ll handle her redesigns.”

“Doctor Villa...” Lyra starts, gaining the attention of the two Doctors.

“Lyra!” Villa exclaims, “I didn’t know you were already recharged.”

Villa knelt down to her level, placing her hands on her shoulders.

“Are you alright? Do you feel off-balance at all?”

“I’m fine” Lyra replies, “what’s this about redesigning me?”

Doctor Villa sighs, “your power generator is flawed.” She says, pointing to Lyra’s core. “If I don’t fix it, the imbalance will eventually destroy you. I have to redesign your core to save you.”

“And what if you bungle it,” Wily starts, “and erase all her personal programming?”

“I’m sure you’ll retain all your personality traits!” Villa says, in an attempt to reassure her daughter.

“Heh—just as you were sure her generator would work properly?”

“Enough, Albert, you’ll scare her! You’re not helping!”

“I know. You won’t let me.”

“I said ‘Enough!’”

“Fine, fine.”

“Lyra,” Villa says to her daughter, “Go hook yourself up in the lab so your power remains stable. We’ll begin work tomorrow.”

“But...”

“Now, please. This is for your own good.”

“...But” Lyra says quietly, “What about what I want?”

That night... Well, Villa can’t be certain if this was how it played out, But she had run the scenario over and over again in her head...

Lyra hid behind the wall to Villa’s room, listening as her mother talked to herself.

“I just don’t understand. It’s to save her life.” Villa says to herself as she paced back and forth in her room. “I coded the closest thing to a will of her own, but I want her to use it to make good, logical decisions.”

She sighs “..who would be logical facing their own mortality? Oh, Thomas. If you were here, you would know what to do...” Villa says, looking at an old picture of Thomas light, Wily and herself.

“Perhaps if I... it would be a lot easier if I did rewrite that rebellious streak out of her...”

Hearing that, Lyra had enough. Gripping her fist she leaves before she could hear the rest of what Villa had said to herself.

“No, no, no... what am I saying?” Villa says facepalming, “Once she’s repaired I’ll have to make it up to her in some way. And, in the long run, she’ll see it was for the greater good.”

Lyra in the meantime, was sobbing. As she packed a bag full of E-Tanks for a long and lonely trip ahead of her, she glanced at a picture of Villa and herself.

Smiling as if they had a perfect life... what lies had Villa been feeding her?...

In a moment of anger, Lyra smashed the photo on a ground.

The she walked out the door, never to come back.

~~~

“I never heard of or saw her again.” Villa says to Dot. “My pride, My arrogance, My lack of foresight... they robbed me of my first creation... My first daughter.”

“Well, then, we can go look for her!” Dot says with a smile “Me and Bounce can start looking right now!”

Villa chuckles a little. “No, Dot. Lyra’s power generator would’ve gone offline by now. It pains me to say it, but she’s gone.” She says with a sorrowful tone.

“Although there are long nights where I wonder what happened to her after she left...”

*A/N: this was a good excuse to submit a story instead of a comic. Hope you enjoyed this little story!

#megaman #ask #mega man #megaman au #ocs #story #fanfic #decided to try posting this lol

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mom-of-today · 4 years

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A Recap

I didn’t realize just how long ago I started this blog! And how many things I never even talked about because of the wild time lapses between posting here and things happening in my real life. I won’t go back over every detail (who has the time for that), but there are a couple of very important things I want to go back and revisit. First, I’d like to start with the birth of my (now) middle child. He’s six years old now, which is wild if you go back to my beginning posts when we only had one kiddo, and found out I was pregnant with another boy in the summer of 2013. The experience that I did share on many of my social platforms was one of relative joy; you know, the very thing that people tell you you’re supposed to feel on the birth of any and all of your children? I was not joyful. I was not happy. In fact, I was quite the opposite of all those things. What I didn’t know, right after I had him, was that I had postpartum depression. Growing up in the way that I did, I got very good at putting on a smile and acting like everything in my life was just fine, normal, nothing out of the ordinary and things were fine. The problem is when that natural instinct to protect yourself, and your family, becomes a larger threat to you and your family. I left the hospital feeling numb, in pain, and deeply out of sorts. My husband had started in a new job the year before and, thank whatever gods above, he was allowed to be home with the three of us for an entire month. An entire month where I cried in the shower from the pain of my incision, and since I was determined to breast feed, I had refused to take the medication they had given me for pain. My husband, who was doing exactly what I asked him, never filled that prescription. It was only the beginning. I spent hours feeling anger, stewing in my own hatred of everything and everyone. Vacillating between wanting to hold my children every second of every single day, and wanting them to be absolutely no where near me. I loved them, yet I loathed them. I resented my husband for leaving us. I cried nearly every single day about the most ridiculous of tasks; doing the laundry, cleaning dishes, making dinner. To be honest, I lived six months in a fog. I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember my son rolling over, or sitting up. I don’t remember doctor visits, or any of the things he did from the time he was born until the time I finally got help. That fog put a tremendous amount of stress and pressure on my husband, and our marriage as a whole. How we survived is a testament to the fact that our relationship is built on more than just “love” but is a relationship of understanding. And if it wasn’t for my husband, I don’t know if I ever would have gotten the help I needed until it had gone too far. But when he said that something was very wrong and I should get help I cried and cried, and yet remember feeling relief. Someone else was saying that there was something wrong so I finally had permission to admit that this was not, in fact, normal. I got help, and I got better, but I could never get those months back. I wish someone else had noticed, had pressed me to be honest, had stepped back and said “This isn’t like her, what is going on here?” I don’t blame them for not noticing, I was a master at pretending like things were fine; which leads to my second point. My postpartum depression was crashing head-long into the mental health issues of my best friend. While she was coping with her own version of this, in a much more serious and permanent fashion than I did, our individual mental health crisis drove us apart. We were not taking the time to listen, to hear, and to understand one another. We didn’t speak to each other for nearly two years because of this. After we had both got the treatment we needed, and sought the help that we desperately needed, we found each other again. She is one of the best people I know, and she has a big heart. We might not always see eye-to-eye on every detail of life, but I know that she would drop anything to help me if she could. I know that she loves my children like her own, and that I love hers as my own. We are a family, and for the last three years have been a much better support system for one another. We were brought together by chance (and babies!), but we have continued to stay friends because we enjoy spending time together. Because even if we don’t agree on the small things, we see the big things the same way. We worked through that hard time, we talked it out, we spent time together just the two of us. It was hard, it was weird, but it was well worth it. I feel like our friendship is stronger than it was before because we have worked through this and found our way back. I think we all have soul mates, more than one, and when you find someone who’s soul speaks to your own, you will always find a way back. Mental health had driven us apart from each other, but in so many ways it has drawn us back together, too. I may not ever understand all the things she goes through month to month, hell, even week to week, but I can be there supporting her even when she doesn’t want to be around us. I can help her in whatever ways she needs during the hard weeks. I can cheer her on. Sometimes all you need is one person to stay by your side, tell you that you need help, and provide you a safe place to share your damaged bits with to feel safe enough to get help. I found that help, I found myself again on the other side of PPD, and I know that if you’re suffering from any form of mental illness, and I know how much of it is out there, that someone is going to listen to you. I can listen to you. I can do my best to understand. You’re not alone, you’re never alone. You’re facing something many could not, and I hope you will continue to face it day in and day out for all the people who love you. Be brave. Be strong. Be amazing.

#mental health #mentalheathawareness #postpartum #postpartum depression #mom blog #mom #parenting #best friend #pmdd #women supporting women #depression #stay strong #be brave

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byakkomaru · 4 years

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Honestly, I love Guren to bits. I’m not one of those radical people who think he’s abusive/manipulative/problematic and wants to cancel him. He’s a good character, he does good things, and I like him.

But The Thing Is... I have a slight problem with the way Kagami victimizes him. To generalize, His entire character is portrayed like so: Guren has suffered sooo much, and yet he is kind and selfless.

And yes. He is kind and selfless, and those are wonderful things about him.

I start to have an issue when things get like this:

I actually have a problem with this, on a mental health level. Shinya shows pretty clear signs of both depersonalization and antisocial personality disorder. (these are links to definitions of these) They are developmental problems which arise from growing up in an abusive/unhealthy environment.

Guren does show signs of depression.

What is stated here, is that Guren is nice even though he suffered, and therefor deserves love (from Mahiru), more than Shinya does.

In the second panel, Kagami is comparing two VERY different types of trauma, and basically saying that Guren’s is far worse. Also, his way of coping with trauma is superior to Shinya’s.

Let’s talk about their individual traumas, because I do not believe he “lives in a world more soaked in helplessness and despair”.

Guren Ichinose:

Loved a girl he was not allowed to love, and was thus beaten up as a child. A lot.

And his dad died.

His friends died for a moment. (But they are alive now)

His girlfriend is now a demon.

The prominent struggle in his life, is that he loves people, and they are unfairly taken away from them. And he gets punched and bullied for no reason. He is surrounded by people who love him intensely, such as Sayuri, Shigure, Mahiru, Sekae. Other people love him, though don’t express it as much: Yuu, Shinya, Goshi.

Shinya Hiragi:

Parents abandoned him.

Adoptive parent neglected him.

Adoptive siblings abused him.

Went through “torture training”, being electrocuted and cut.

For 5 years during the most developmentally vulnerable time of childhood, he was trapped in an arena in which he never saw sunlight or the outside. He was threatened to be murdered every day and experienced being stabbed on many occasions. Also forced to kill dozens of children.

Discarded by fiancée, unloved by any significant other.

No friends until age 16.

Only one close friend all his life, and this person is emotionally distant and does not show much sympathy or affection (Guren)

All his childhood, Shinya has not experienced love PERIOD. The people who are supposed to love him the most, his family, is who hurts him the most. He had no friends, nowhere safe.

Guren experienced trauma in the outside world, but has a cozy protective shell to retreat back into and heal. His home is full of people who adore him, and take care of him.

This narrative that Kagami is perpetuating, that abused individuals should act a certain way, or they don’t deserve the affection of others... Is pretty sick. I could understand if Shinya thinks he is worthless, because of his own insecurities, and Kagami does not actually believe that people who act in unhealthy ways due to trauma do not deserve love.

But the thing is, everything in this scene treats this as an incredible, truth-bearing revelation. His arms are spread out to the sky and splayed open. He is looking up. Byakkomaru does not refute his claim. Instead, he is given a shot looking down on him, almost as if chastising him.

Byakkomaru, a separate entity from Shinya, encourages this concept. He says something along the lines of “Yes, Guren has suffered more than you, and he refuses to give up despite that. You should have been more like him.”

This piece of literature is aimed towards children and young adults, who have likely experienced their own physical and emotional traumas. Everyone is fighting their own battles. I think this is a really bad message to send.

People who have been abused should not be expected to act any other way than what helps them cope with reality. As long as they are not hurting anyone, they should not be degraded and made to feel insuperior. People deserve love and affection, not because they act a certain way, but because it is a quintessential requirement to remain mentally healthy.

Shinoa, who has experienced tremendous amount of neglect, is also told in the narrative that she should be more like Guren. Because her histrionic way of coping with things, is not as valid as Guren’s selfless actions.

This is subjective but, as far as physical trauma goes, I think electrocution and being in a five year long knife-fight is a little more intense than getting punched. Yeah, his dad died. At least he had a dad who loved him. Yeah, his girlfriend died. At least he had a person who loved him. He has like four women who devote their life to him. Yeah, his friends died. At least he has some.

The absolute absence of love Shinya receives from anyone also further pushes this narrative that he “does not deserve it”.

I think people often do not notice that in Guren’s Squad, they hardly ever interact with Shinya. All 3 girls, in total, speak 33 lines to him in the ENTIRE series. 19 are ABOUT GUREN. 7 are about themselves. The last 5 are when Mito plays against Shinya in Shoji. Oh and 2 about Mahiru.

Goshi says 14 lines and 4 are about Guren, 10 are about girls.

I can hardly even consider them his friends! They never ask him how he is, or try to show him an ounce of emotional comfort. Meanwhile, they give Guren SO MUCH EMOTIONAL COMFORT:

"Please, you can’t put yourself in danger anymore, Guren! I can’t take it. I’ve already worried enough for at least two lifetimes!"

"But I have to stay close, Guren! How else will I protect you?"

"I believe in you, Guren," affirmed Mito. "Remember? You’re dear to me. You’re my friend."

"Our first priority has to be your safety, Guren."

"Every time it hits midnight and a new day starts, you get this expression on your face like you’re being backed up against a wall. You seem so sad, like you’re about to cry. But there’s nothing I can do to help. I’m not strong, not like Mahiru Hiragi, so what could I do? …But… but… if something’s bothering you, Guren, at the very least I wish I could suffer with you. I know it’s presumptuous of me, but I wish… even, just a little… that you’d rely on me more.”

Here’s a list of emotionally supportive things they have said to Shinya:

...

Like, fuck man. He really gets no affection whatsoever.

I really would appreciate a series where a character is damaged due to trauma, and isn’t made to feel worthless because of that damage.

Please understand this: It is completely within your freedom to decide who you think is more of a traumatized character. No SWAT team is gonna come break down your door because you sympathize with our dear main character. Again, I love Guren, he’s my baby. The series would not be the same without him. He adds a lot of wonderful dialogue and guides Yuu with his demon in a very constructive way.

This was solely my disdain towards the treatment of mental illness in characters. There needs to be better representation, and acknowledgement of their struggles.

Thank you for reading this? I doubt anyone will haha I just wanted to rant.

#shinya hiiragi #shinya hiragi

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thedarklordmegatron · 5 years

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Coitus Interruptus AKA Titus Needs To Learn To Lock Doors

Title: Coitus Interruptus AKA Titus Needs To Learn To Lock Doors

Rating: M (There be sexy times)

Pairing: Cor/Titus

Summary: Office sex is all well and good until one of your Glaives walks in on you.

AO3 Link Here

The undignified squeak had not gone unnoticed by either man.

It took a tremendous amount of willpower and every bit of control Titus still possessed, for him to pause mid-thrust and look over his shoulder, just in time to see Khara vanish from the doorway. For a brief second neither said a word as they processed what had just happened. Cor was the first to eventually break the silence, his shoulders shaking with barely suppressed laughter, the hands that had been gripping Titus’ shoulders falling away to cover his face.

Slightly reassured that he was not going to find himself suddenly castrated as a result of their sudden bout of exhibitionism, Titus collapsed forward, dropping his head onto the other man’s chest and laughed.

“You absolute bastard,” Cor gasped out between laughs, smacking his shoulder, “You said you’d locked the damn door!”

“I thought I had!” Titus protested through his own laughter “Then again, it’s pretty hard to focus when you have a hand on your cock.” As if to prove a point, Cor thrust back on him, cutting off his laughter and replacing it with a choked-off moan. “The door’s still open.” He pointed out, taking hold of Cor’s hips in order to keep him still, though it did little more than lessen the force of the thrusts.

Huffing Cor leant upwards, biting Titus’ ear before growling “You have thirty seconds to lock it and get your ass back over here.” Titus rolled his eyes, pulling out and away from Cor with a quick swipe at his thighs before swiftly moving across the room to pull the door closed. His hand had only just touched the lock when he heard the now familiar sound of pens and paperwork being unceremoniously flung from the desk. With a heavy sigh, he slid the lock into place and turned to look at Cor. The Marshal, for a man who exuded propriety in public, had reclined himself out across the desk and was looking far too pleased with himself; and as expected the numerous files that had been occupying the space now laid in a complete mess on the floor. In response to the raised eyebrow aimed in his direction, Cor simply shrugged “You try being bent over a desk for fifteen minutes.”

“You,” Titus began as he strode back towards his partner “Are the absolute worst.”

“And yet you love me,” Cor replied with a sultry grin, throwing his arms around Titus’ neck and pulling him down into a kiss.

“One of these days I’m going to throw you out into the hall, completely naked and lock the door behind you.” They both know the threat is an empty one. Titus was a jealous man at the best of times and had previously, on more than one occasion, scared off multiple Crownsguard and Kingsglaive recruits with a simple stare after having noticed them watching Cor a little too closely for his liking. There was no way he would willingly allow anyone to see Cor in anything other than his full uniform, at least not on purpose. Cor made a mental note to check in on Khara later and make sure that Titus hadn’t done anything to permanently scare the man off, it wouldn’t do to have one of their better Glaives scared off because Titus was jealous.

The Marshal was violently torn from his thoughts when Titus thrust back into him.

“Fuck,” Cor sighed, his head fell back onto the heavy mahogany beneath him. Snaking his arms around Titus’ neck and wrapping his legs around the other man’s waist, he closed his eyes.

“That’s what we’re doing, yes.” Had Titus not been fucking him with enough force to take his breath away, Cor would have slapped him on principle alone.

Both men were so engrossed in one another that they failed to register the familiar sound of someone warping until someone cried out in disgust from somewhere behind them. Titus stilled instantly, his grip on Cor’s hips tightening to the point that the Marshal hissed in pain and pushed him away with enough force that the other man fell backwards over his own feet. Muttering curses that would make even the worst of soldiers blushed, Titus clambered to his feet and scoured the room for the source of the noise.

There, outside the window, clinging onto a Kukri that was firmly embedded into the window frame, was one Nyx Ulric.

Titus was vaguely aware of Cor swearing and the sounds of him throwing himself off the desk, scrambling across the room in search for his underwear that had been flung Bahamut knows where when they had frantically undressed one another nearly an hour prior.

“Ulric!” He roared, sprinting towards the window, not at all caring that he was still indeed completely naked. There was a small part of him that found the panicked screech Ulric let out as he warped away, highly amusing, however, in that moment he wanted nothing more than to wrap his hands around the man’s neck and throttle him. Throwing the window open he just managed to catch sight of Ulric running off with two other Glaives before they were out of sight. He sighed heavily and dropped his head into his hands.

This was going to require far too much damage control for his liking.

“How in the name of Bahamut do we get ourselves into this situation?” He groaned quietly, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Titus,” Cor muttered as he yanked his trousers up “As much as I love you, we are never having sex outside of the apartment ever again.” And despite how much he wanted to protest, Titus couldn’t help but agree. Seconds later Cor appeared at his side, fully dressed and holding Titus’ own underwear and trousers in his hands. “Get dressed,” He said with a small smile, a blush still decorating his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” Titus said with a shake of his head, accepting the offered clothing.

“It’s alright,” Cor chuckled, pressing a kiss to his jaw “We’ll sort it out.” Pulling away he strode to the door, adjusting his trousers as he went and straightening out his shirt. “I’ll see you later. We’ll cook dinner, well, I’ll cook dinner, you can watch, and we’ll plan Ulric’s inevitable death.”

Titus shook his head and waved him off with a smile of his own “Go. I promise not to kill anyone without your permission.”

“And I promise I won’t go to Regis and demand the Glaives be stripped of their warping capabilities,” Cor teased, as he slipped out of the office. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Titus said fondly as he started to redress himself and gather up his discarded paperwork.

“You were right,” Nyx whined as he dropped into the seat beside Pelna. “You were so right, and I really, really wish you weren’t.” Swiping one of the numerous beers that littered the table, he sunk in on himself “The Captain is hung and by this time tomorrow I’m going to be dead.”

Across the table from him Luche snorted as he claimed the seat beside Libertus. “You were the dumbass who decided it was a good idea to warp onto the Captain’s window ledge when we knew he was fucking the Marshal.” Libertus blinked slowly, looking between the two men before turning his attention to Crowe who simply shrugged, reclined in her chair and threw her legs up onto the table.

“Don’t look at me, I actually like being alive and didn’t fancy trying to contort myself onto a window ledge beside Nyx.”

“I told you!” Pelna slurred, pointing his empty beer bottle at Nyx “I bloody told you!”

“It was Luche’s idea!” Was Nyx’s pathetic protest.

“Hey!” Luche interrupted “Don’t go blaming me you idiot. I was going to stand outside the door, not look through his gods damned window! I can happily go through my entire life without ever needing to see the Captain’s cock. Or the Marshal’s for that matter.”

“It wasn’t a cock! It was a fucking Naga and Leonis wasn’t much smaller!”

Sighing Crowe accepted the bottle offered to her by Luche “You know what? Those two sleeping together is the stuff of dreams.”

“And porn magazines.” Libertus supplied.

“And porn magazines.” She repeated sagely.

Pelna just whined, emptying his bottle before making grabby hands at Luche’s bottle.

Beside him Nyx cried out in despair.

#cor leonis #titus drautos #vex writes #draucorweek2019 #draucor week #draucor #cor x drautos #cor x titus

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bethkerring · 5 years

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5 Tips to Prepare for NaNoWriMo

1. Have a plan - even if that plan is to not have a plan. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going in as a “pantser.” I happen to be an avid planner, but that’s my perference and everyone should do what works for them. But I do recommend that you decide ahead of time whether you want a detailed plan, a vague one, or no plan at all. Going in as a panster intentionally is completely different than putting off planning until NaNoWriMo has already started and whoops, it’s time to start writing and you have no idea where to begin.

2. Figure out how to balance the rest of your life. There are plenty of things you can’t plan. If you work a regular job, you probably can’t just get your work done ahead of time, and if you have kids, you can’t just brush them off for a month (or at least you shouldn’t). But think about what you might be able to get done early, or at least plan for so that you won’t feel so overwhelmed by it when you really just want to get back to writing. Do you have schoolwork you can get done ahead of time? Can you make a meal plan so you know what you’ll be eating during November (food is important)? Can you find a dedicated time to write, or think about what small moments you can use to sneak in a few words here and there? You can’t predict everything, but a little planning goes a long way!

3. Get involved in the community. You wouldn’t believe what a difference this can make in not just your final wordcount, but how much you actually enjoy NaNoWriMo—which, to me, is the most important goal. Whether it’s primarily on the forums (which are incredibly useful if you’re uncomfortable in-person or live in a remote area) or going to regular write-ins, it can be tremendously helpful to “find your people” during NaNoWriMo. These people can encourage you, remind you of your goals, and just give you someone to talk with during what can be a very challenging but exciting time. Plus, it’s a chance to make writing buddies for the long-term, which is always a good thing!

4. Get some practice. This applies more so if you’re not regularly writing at the moment (or at least not at such a fast pace), but can be a good idea for anyone. Get an idea of how many words you’ll be writing every day and try to write that amount at least once, just to see how difficult it is—both mentally and physically. Yes, physically. During my early years of NaNoWriMo, when I was a massive overachiever, I would regularly get hand cramps after typing for too long. Thankfully, they never lasted or ended in injury, but I would have done well to get a bit more practice before I dove into 4000-word binge writing sessions on Day 1. (Also, take breaks and do wrist and hand stretches. They seriously help.)

5. Pledge to take care of yourself. If you’ve read one of my other posts, then you know how seriously I take this: if only because I’ve personally experienced how much of a mess you can get into if you don’t. NaNoWriMo is a fantastic challenge and a great way to stretch your writer muscles, but if the choice comes to keep yourself in good health (mental and physical) or to complete NaNoWriMo, then please, choose yourself. You are more valuable than any draft you could ever write. On top of that, whatever you don’t write during NaNoWriMo can always be written later, but the damage you do to yourself might not be so easily fixed.

#writing #writing tip #nanowrimo #self-care

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aquarianwisp · 5 years

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I’ve come to notice that my default setting (energetically speaking) is a low vibration and is a bit uncomfortable. It feels like I want to do nothing and sink into nothingness. This mindset makes it difficult to be driven to be productive without absolutely Having to do the things. Does this sound like anything your familiar with?

Hey hun,

Yes, this is very familiar to me. This is a symptom of depression and many other mental illnesses. Unfortunately, your energetic vibrations cannot truly increase until you deal with the things that are taking your energy. Everything that has affected someone either mentally such as trauma, to simple things such as unpaid bills and various other lifestyle-related worries actually become things that drain energy from someone. The reason behind this is that the emotions we feel release hormones and chemicals in the brain that then move through the body, allowing the body to react and protect itself. These chemicals released by the brain can actually damage the organs and tissues in the body if someone is chronically stressed or suffering from trauma for long periods of time. In order to deal with stress, people then develop habits and thought processes which cause further harm to the body but temporarily relieve the emotions. And this whole process leads to exhaustion and other diseased states, especially if they are not consciously aware of what is causing the stress.

You can go to a doctor who will help you deal with symptoms, but until you figure out the actual emotional root cause, the issue can keep coming back.And then there is the amount of energy that someone can put into ignoring something. If you have a deeply emotional issue that you haven’t fully come to terms with, it actually takes a lot of emotional and mental energy to keep it buried and hidden from yourself. And the energy put towards coping mechanisms as well! It’s no wonder that mental illness can be exhausting. Sure you can do a ritual to help you feel good for a little while, but it won't be permanent until you deal with whatever it is that is being ignored.Here is are some examples of the process of emotions turning into a physical problem that has happened in my own life:High expectations-> repeated disappointment-> sadness and anger->Increased sighing and slouching shoulders->vertebrae out of place-> sore shoulders and neck-> migraines-> increase in sleeping to get through migraines, reliance on pain killers-> exhaustion, crying, depressed thoughts-> dependence on alcohol->weight gain and liver problemsRepeated bullying as a child for being chubby-> shame-> anger turned inwards at self-> clenched muscles in stomach-> digestion problems, sadness and lonliness-> use food as a comfort or deprive self of food as punishment when angry-> weight gain or drastic weight loss->hormonal issues-> thyroid issues-> polycystic ovaries

So, you can see that emotions and the development of habits can lead to a lot of issues in the body.

In order to fix things, you need to begin a process of reclaiming your energy. And that can only start once you deal with the things. It doesn’t require you to be productive in a corporate sense of the word, but just have a heart that is open to learning. You can take it as slow as you like.The best place to start is to write down some categories such as home life, work life, finances, friendships, etc.Then under each of the headings, write down the things you are worried about that fit in that category. This will help tremendously, sometimes seeing your worries written down can actually help you to realise that they aren’t as big as you feel they are. Then, over a period of months or more, gradually work through resolving those issues. Once you work through the surface worries like bills, or relationships etc, you can start looking deeper into emotional things within the self.

This can take years to work through, and it is not a process that ever really stops. But it is extremely helpful in helping you learn healthy habits, releasing stress, and working through emotions. It also helps with planning skills, communication skills, and getting ahead in life.~The more that you ignore issues, the bigger and more difficult they become to deal with. They will take your emotional and mental energy, and can lead you to develop bad habits that eventually cause diseased states in the body. It is better to deal with the issues now, rather than down the line when they progress. Overall, the below image can help explain the process. You need to be moving emotions in the red category up towards the purple ones. These are the vibrations of emotional energy. Doing the above process will help you to do this without really thinking about it. I’d say that from what you have told me in the above, you’re lingering somewhere between guilt, apathy, and fear. You need to work through those feelings- and they will transform over time without much work if your heart is open to learning through the process. :)

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chaos-in-the-making · 6 years

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If I had my way

Pairing: Loki/Thanos

Warnings: None

Characters: Loki, Thanos, Thor

Loki stepped up to the circle of blue, the scepter in his hand humming with power as it vibrated in answer to the call of Tesseract. From across the galaxy, at the edge of the void, such power still called to one another. He took a breath, mentally preparing himself for the monumental task before him. It would be a long time before he stepped foot in Sanctuary again.

He glanced to the side, one last look at the great titan standing by, who was watching intently. Anxiety curled in Loki’s stomach. What would happen once he stepped through?

As if sensing Loki’s reluctance, Thanos gave a solemn nod.

Loki licked his lips. “If I succeed....”

“When you succeed.”

“-Then... then I shall have my reward?”

The big titan gave a smile, which was more terrifying than reassuring. Usually only blood, terror, and pain made him show any such emotion. “Yes, little one. Then you shall have your reward.”

That gave some stiffness to Loki’s spine, and his inhale didn’t shudder quite as much. He stepped into the glowing circle, activated the scepter, and with a blinding light, was pulled through space and time as easily as if the Bifrost had tugged him in its inescapable pull.

When the space was once more dull and quiet, Thanos stood and contemplated the space where the interesting Asgardian had stood. It had been eons since Thanos had felt such a stirring in his blood. From behind him, he could hear the swishing movement of the Chitauri priest’s robe.

“Is that necessary, Master?” It asked, The Other’s voice raspy with thick fluid in its vocal chords. “To let the puppet leave unfettered? Would it not have been easier to allow the scepter’s influence to take hold?”

Thanos chuckled, a hollow sound. “Not unfettered. The hold I have over him is much more powerful than a mind’s leash. He will return to me, as he promised. And then...”

The titan spread his arms to encompass the destruction floating in space before him, the crumbs of past victories floating in an orbit about his perch.

“Then unlimited power will be mine!”

~~~~~ SEVERAL YEARS LATER ~~~~~~~

The battle for Earth raged, hot and fierce as a volcanic eruption. Former team mates and allies all joined forces to combat this cosmic threat. All of them knew that if this was not stopped here, the entire galaxy would be at risk. Thanos was coming to Earth, and he was coming for the Infinity Stone.

As Loki had known all along.

He fought with the mortals, and with his brother, by their side and giving sound advice, even if many of them still hated his presence there. Loki had the most knowledge of their enemy, and he used it to gain their help and understanding.

The first wave of aliens was pushed back, though they caused tremendous amounts of damage. The Stones were hunted down by Thanos’ minions, taken from the forehead of the synthetic man, and from the pendant of the pseudo sorcerer.

Thor did not know what had happened to the Tesseract in the destruction of Asgard by Sutur. It was highly doubtful it had been destroyed, but no one knew where to look for it. Among the floating remnants of Asgard?

Loki knew where it was. Loki waited.

Finally, in the midst of battle, when the throngs of aliens lay dead at their feet, he came, stepping through a torn hole in the air that screamed of dark energy, standing on the dead and dying to look around him, and smile at the chaos his army and brought.

The Avengers were scattered, off in their own fights. Loki and Thor were the first to face down this new threat.

The unholy eyes glanced at Thor, then settled on Loki. Both looked exhausted. Both were covered in dirt and ragged from the fight. Loki slowly climbed to his feet, gaze locked on the titan.

“Foul creature,” Thor grumbled, electricity sparkling along his biceps. He tried to stand, but Loki pushed him back with a hand on a shoulder.

“No. You can’t fight him. Not like this. You have to protect the people.”

“And what are you going to do?” Thor demanded.

Loki took a breath, looking away from his brother. Now was the moment. “Buy us some time.”

He started towards the titan, every step crunching over broken ground. From behind he felt the burn of Thor’s eyes, watching. Thanos’ eyes were hotter, brighter, filling his lungs and veins with an unknown entity.

Was this what it was like to be unmade?

When he was before Thanos, his right hand twitched, curling around air. The great titan smiled, just as he had years before, just prior to sending Loki off on his mission.

“My pet,” he rumbled, his voice a stroke of doom along Loki’s spine. “Do you have it?”

Nodding once, Loki raised his hand, the blue light collecting and forming into the bright cube that he had sought after on Earth.

“Loki!” Thor cried, struggling to his knees. “Don’t!” If Thanos succeeded in combining the Stones, all would be lost.

The big purple hand covered the cube, large enough to also encase Loki’s wrist. With a sharp tug, Thanos pulled Loki closer, tugging him farther from Thor so they stood nearly chest to chest. Loki had to crane his neck back to look up. Was Thor imagining it, or did Loki look... flustered?

“Did... did I do well?” Loki asked.

Thanos took the Tesseract, raising it up to inspect it as one would inspect a diamond for flaws. “Very well, little one. You played the long game, and it paid off handsomely. I am proud of you.”

A violent shudder ran through Loki, his eyes closing for a moment then opening again. “And.... and my reward?”

Reward? Thor shook his head, trying to make sense of what he was hearing.

Thanos chuckled, but felt it was only Loki’s due. Powerful hands encircled Loki’s waist, lifting him up and onto a pile of rubble that placed Loki higher, nearly even with Thanos’ great height. It was a strange picture, the titan next to the runt of giant kind.

“You want your reward, pet?” Thanos asked. Though he was there to destroy, there was an odd look that might have been mistaken for gentleness when he looked at Loki. “Take it.”

Loki raised shaking hands, placing them on Thanos’ cheeks. Then with a swift tug, he pulled the face close, kissing Thanos on the mouth with such vigor that the helmet toppled off, revealing a head barren of any hair. If there had been any there, Loki’s fingers would have been tugging on the strands.

Thor stared, a spear of shock stabbing him through the middle. This..... this could not be happening. What in his sister’s damned name was going on?

Why was Thanos kissing him back?!

Thor struggled to his feet as this embarrassing kiss went on. Did neither of them need air to breathe? This... this must be a trick! Loki was always one for tricks. Right, he said something about.... buying time? Was this like the Grandmaster?

“Loki?” Thor called, so uncertain and lost, desperate for a sign that this was false.

What he got was a sly smile, and the same self satisfied look Loki always had when his plans turned out in his favor.

“What’s the matter, Thor? Do not tell me you did not expect this.” Loki was leaning against the titan, curled up to his shoulder like a consort. Thanos was smug, his arm resting around Loki’s waist like it belonged there. One hand could cover Loki’s entire hip.

Thor took a step, holding his injuries, a short disbelieving laugh escaping that he didn’t even remember summoning. How funny. That Loki would actually be interested in Thanos. What a joke!

“Loki, what is going on?”

His brother pouted. “I am sorry, Thor. But absolute power is so... seductive. I have no need of Asgard anymore.” He turned to press a kiss to Thanos’ cheek as the titan raised the golden glove with the Tesseract, aiming it at Thor.

It was over. This battle was lost before it had even begun. A weasel had been in their ranks all along, waiting for the right moment to change his colors. They had been betrayed.

“Kill him.”

Thor closed his eyes just as the light consumed him, pulling apart his very being, tearing him apart molecule by molecule until his world went dark. After what he had just witnessed, death had been a mercy.

@teckmonky @singleloki

#loki/thanos #FrostTyrant #my drabbles #loki #thanos #avengers #oh boy #everyone on this ship it's sailing #this is your captain speaking #it's not going to be a fun ride #in fact there will be pain

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sdarkshine · 3 years

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Barking Dog Problems, Anyone?

I see yapping for dogs as talking for people, so for what reason would you need to quit yelping canines. They and we as a whole need to communicate. Regardless of whether your canine is the most opulent Poodle or the least fortunate Pavement unique that no one needed, they all bark. To the extent I know there is just one variety that doesn't bark and that is the Basenji. Canines bark for quite a few reasons and trust you me we won't see every one of them. A canine's rationale is very extraordinary to our own. Before your canine makes you woofing frantic, how about we attempt to comprehend the explanations behind your yapping canine issues and how can be dealt with quit yelping canines.

Woofing Dog Problems-Stop yapping canines

As I said who realizes what goes in the hairy cerebrums of our canines. Essentially we can endeavor to comprehend yapping canine issues by noticing our canines to decide the reasons which have set off the yelping. There is a tremendous rundown of yapping triggers or reasons, some of which I have shown underneath. I have additionally incorporated some fixes or thoughts to determine the different sorts of woofing canine issues also. I assume there are numerous individuals that will make a huge effort to quit woofing canines, so I have delineated some guidance and furnished some incredible connects to help with all yapping canine issues.

Apprehensive yelping canine issues:

For what reason does the canine do it? This is a significant issue for some canine proprietors, how to quit yelping canines? Issue is, such a large number of proprietors never will see the genuine article, on the grounds that as the name suggests, you've left the structure and your canine is anxious. So this is the thing that occurs while you are out. As the canine turns out to be more on edge you will regularly locate that the pitch of the yapping gets higher also. Now and then the canine will even beginning wailing. Justifiably, you neighbor will get mental and you will cut off up having an awful association with your neighbor and perhaps face fines too. On the off chance that your canine is exceptionally appended to you and follows you like his tail follows him, at that point your takeoff will most presumably prompt this sort of conduct. You've isolated yourself from the canine so the canine gets restless.

Instructions to quit yapping canines! Canine's are keen, in the event that you have a set routine when leaving, they will get this and begin getting restless the second you get keys, or put on your shoes and so on You need to arrive at a point where your canine doesn't presume you are leaving soon. Additionally, you need to prepare your canine to approve of you being away for various timeframes. So disturb your standard when leaving, don't follow a similar succession at whatever point you take off from your home. Additionally take a stab at leaving for a couple of moments and return once more, so the canine gets settled with you not being near and has not begun getting apprehensive or on edge yet. Try not to give your canine to much consideration or friendship preceding leaving. The primary concern is that you need to break routine and keep your canine negligent of your comings and goings. Adequately, this shouldn't be a big deal for him, or for this situation, make the canine restless. On the off chance that you truly can't tolerate seeing your canines being on edge or apprehensive, there are alternatives, for example, pup day care or pet colleagues or sitters. There are now too many deserted canines at the pound due the powerlessness of proprietors to get woofing canine issues leveled out.

Regional Barking canine issues:

For what reason does the canine do it? These kind of yapping canine issues happen when the canine feels his region is under danger. Truly, would you be able to trust it canines are regional, who knew. In the event that your canine can see outsiders or different canines through the border fence on your property, think about what, he will think they are intruders and will bark to demonstrate that this is his domain. Regularly this yapping is went with snarling sounds too. The canine is simply attempting to tell any possible gatecrasher that he implies business. Somewhat these woofing canine issues are attractive, wouldn't you concur. It's another issue however when you're out strolling the canine and he won't ease up with this regional yelping.

Instructions to quit yelping canines! Well as referenced before, somewhat regional woofing likely could be something to be thankful for. Now and then it isn't a particularly smart thought to quit woofing canines by and large. Notwithstanding, in the event that you'd prefer to recapture your situation as the Alpha Dog, at that point you need to affirm your clout on the canine. At the point when you canine begins regional woofing, attempt to occupy him by splashing water in his mouth or face and issue a short powerful order, for example, STOP NOW or comparable. On the off chance that he goes tranquil, at that point make certain to laud him to tell him that he is making the best choice. Similarly as with all preparation of canines, reiteration is the key so as usual, you'll need to continue on and show restraint.

Consideration Seeking Barking canine issues:

For what reason does the canine do it? Well I think this is essentially, plain as day. The canine needs consideration and will bark until he gets it. This woofing additionally happens when the canine is exhausted. On the off chance that human contact is exceptionally restricted or the canine has nothing to keep him involved, particularly more youthful canines, at that point hope to see this kind of consideration looking for yelping. Typically it's a serious aggravating gab sound which can crawl. To quit yelping canines here, is absolutely a profoundly wanted objective.

Step by step instructions to quit yelping canines! First off, you should take a stab at investing more energy with your canine; it's for the most part useful for the spirit. Likewise attempt to guarantee that your canine isn't secured a territory the entire day which is without any canine amusement. By this, I mean, make arrangement for some bite toys or comparative with which the canine can engage himself when he is distant from everyone else. On the off chance that you can't be there for your canine constantly, consider getting him a companion or close friend. Who knows, there are such countless undesirable canines out there that need great homes. All they need is love and consideration, a little cost to pay for their faithfulness and responsibility and will absolutely go far to quit woofing canines.

Unfortunate Barking canine issues:

For what reason does the canine do it? I'm certain we have all seen this kind of woofing in our canines all at once or another. If at any point you have let of firecrackers or there has been a noisy tempest, you may have seen your canine showing unfortunate yelping. This kind of yapping is extremely sharp and short and you can find in the canine's stance that he is apprehensive. Typically the canines tail will be down low or even between his rear legs and his ears will be smoothed on his head. These are certain pointers that your canine is apprehensive. Sort of hard to censure canines for these kind of yelping canine issues.

Instructions to quit yelping canines! Well first off, don't allow firecrackers to off anyplace close to your canine. Another thought is too train your canine to get comfortable with uproarious sharp sounds, for example, thunder, boisterous commotions and so forth This can be accomplished by playing back accounts of comparative sounds to your canine, right off the bat at a low volume and steadily expanding the volume, until your canine gets comfortable with these sounds. It won't damage to comfort the canine when they are unfortunate like one or the other may well assist with quieting or even quit woofing canines. I'm certain we could all do with some consolation when we're apprehensive.

Woofing canine issues - why quit yelping canines?

There are a lot more portrayals for an enormous assortment of canine yapping, for example, Frustration Barking, Greeting Barking, Compulsive Barking also name yet a couple. By and large you need to attempt to see what welcomed on the yelping and furthermore onlooker your canine's stance when the yapping is happening. It makes sense that in the event that you have the trigger "cause" at that point you can most likely utilize a touch of sound judgment to quit yelping canines. There are additionally numerous items accessible to buy which may resolve your woofing canines issues. A portion of these items like the stun collar don't agree with me, yet each, to his, own. Envision being stunned each time your voice went over a specific decibel rating.

Eventually canines were brought into the world with a voice and it's known as woofing. All good, a few sorts of yelping we would need to control or restrict. Similarly as with individuals, some are simply more barkative than others. Surely if your canine's yapping will land you in court with disappointed neighbors or helpless before the nearby specialists, at that point something should be done to stop the yelping canine. By and large the woofing canine issues can be settled by you teaching yourself to prepare your canine. Toward the day's end the, why quit woofing canines? Now and again you may need your canine to bark particularly in the event that he is making you aware of something. Best of luck and don't hesitate to look at the connections on the option to see some truly complete aides identifying with this fairly disagreeable issue.

Greetings, my names Derek and I am a Dog Lover and Enthusiast. I'm not a specialist and don't have any degree or extravagant confirmation. I don't know it all yet I know a considerable amount of things. I've had over a long period of involvement in canines and I am learning new things about them every day. I trust that this doesn't reach a conclusion. Life would be really exhausting if there was the same old thing to find. Why not go along with me in this mission for information about "man's closest companion" at my site [http://www.besthappydog.com/] where I share my bits of knowledge just as numerous specialists counsel, you know, the one's with the degree's and diploma's.

I would likewise prescribe buying in to my bulletin and getting this free book [http://www.besthappydog.com/how-to-be-the-alpha-canine/], for some truly incredible preparing exhortation and tips.

Desire to see you soon, much obliged for perusing my article.

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gayforsaturdays · 6 years

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Is Billy Hargrove Racist??

Yes, yes he is.

That doesn't necessarily negate the possibility of a redemption arc, however.

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I am not promoting racist ideals. I am always down for intelligent, respectful discussion, key word respectful, so please feel free to make a counterargument - respectfully.

We live in turbulent times. With Cheeto Voldemort in power it seems to many as though racists have taken over. This has been a long time coming, though, racist ideas implicit in the founding of America and evolving throughout our history. Just because racism is not as overt as it was in the fifties doesn't mean it's gone, and that the average white American is immune to its effects. Racism is the elephant in the room that we Do Not Talk About, showing its face in ideas and stereotypes and implicit biases so ingrained into our culture that we don't even recognize them for what they are. When we do recognize racism, it is easy to make it the Other. This is hatred, I do not hate, I am not a part of this. This is what I see happening in fandom, but this is not where anti-racism needs to go in order to make real impact.

The Duffer Brothers have real potential here. They are poised on a cliff in front of a vast audience. Will Billy Hargrove get a redemption arc to parallel our dearest Steve, or will he tip over the edge to become a villain? If he is redeemed, will his racist comments be swept under the rug? In a show which has done excellent work creating extraordinarily human characters with foibles and flaws, after all the work they put into Billy this season without seemingly much reason, I don't think that Billy will go without some form of redemption. His bully arc appears to be over, and considering his father's abuse and his own PTSD, to vilify him now would feel like another depiction of mentally ill people as evil. They would absolutely need to address his racist remarks in this instance, though.

To give another explanation for Billy's outburst over Lucas is a cop-out, one of the most common when it comes to racism. Not My Problem. I don't want to deal with it, so I'm just going to pretend it isn't there. This is silence, and silence is complicity - if we don't speak up, it will never end.

To vilify Billy and his racism would actually be damaging as well, though. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out. Remember how I said that racism is a set of ideas and biases and stereotypes ingrained into our culture? Those ideas and biases and stereotypes are bought into, often unknowingly, by average white people all across the country. Average, white, human persons. Human beings whose primary defining feature is not "a racist" - not white hoods and burning crosses. This is where the potential with Billy lies - to show that a person who holds racist ideas is still a human being, and can even let go of those ideas as they learn and grow, as humans do. The only way we can really dismantle racism is from the inside out, calling out our own ingrained prejudices and changing hearts and minds.

It wouldn't even be that difficult to do with Billy - as his redemption arc begins, he'll want to distance himself from every vestige of his father. With Neil tossing the f-word around so nonchalantly, I don't doubt that Billy's father has been the major influencer in his beliefs. I want to see Max calling Billy out on his misguided distrust of Lucas, in explicit terms. Leave no doubt as to the fact that Billy has inherited racist ideas from his father. If Max and Billy have a conversation like this, perhaps Billy can begin to realize that this too is part of his father's legacy. I want to see him awkwardly trying to reach out to Lucas, having no idea how to talk to him or apologise, committing little microaggressions like white people do all the time. Have him say something that people say all the time and have Lucas give him the Lucas Look of Wtf, Bro (tm) so people will go oh, that's not a good thing to say. I want to see Billy and Max go to pick up Lucas and Erica opens the door and totally calls him out, super sassy, because I fuckin love her ok Erica is the shit. I want to see Billy experiencing white discomfort and realizing that he was wrong - not just about Lucas specifically because that gets into exceptionalist territory, but about people of color. I want to see Billy feeling bad about everything he's done and believed and actively wanting to change, taking real steps towards making amends and becoming a better person, because that's what he is - just another human person stuck on this rock. Separate the idea from the human being so that people can see racism as a set of ideas we all need to fight, both internally and externally, instead of a group of people separate from self ("the racists").

Please don't hate on people for being drawn to Billy, for shipping Harringrove. People who see the humanity and the potential of Billy's character. Because he does have potential, both as a person and to be an expositional tool for a lot of good social justice work that could reach a lot of people. Not just anti-racism work either, but definitely anti-sexism and potentially anti-homophobia as well. I want to see Max and Nancy and Eleven and even, most definitely, Steve calling him out on his overuse of the word bitch and treating women like sex objects. He also holds potential as a queer character - if you read him as queer as I and many others do, his father's abuse is even more tragic because it features so heavily homophobia and toxic masculinity. If Billy were canonically queer, it would make a tremendous amount of sense for the amount of anger that he carries (not that being a hormonal teenager with PTSD isn't enough). Here his father is yelling at him not to be a f*****, beating him, and Billy believing that he's right, that liking guys is wrong, that he deserves these beatings because his father is right about him. Show us Billy, the non-stereotypical queer guy, learning that his father was wrong and learning to accept himself and let go of his self-hatred.

Having thoroughly bashed Neil, it is necessary to recognize that he, too, is human. Everything that he believes and does is ugly and twisted, but he is driven by fear and shaped by the culture he lives in. He sucks, but there are men like him everywhere and every one of us has to work to change our culture so that we stop creating men like him so that they will stop creating and damaging boys like Billy. We need to hold hope close that we can change people's hearts and minds, but we can only accomplish this without hatred.

This is what I want to see in the next season. You have a huge audience and a fantastic platform for wonderfully human characters, Duffer bros. You can do something really amazing with it.

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