#adult living with parents

[theluschmaster]

I was told, 'we are moving tomorrow' at 10PM the night before.

The moral of the story is to depend on people less and less. It's imperative to my overall health and well-being. I get it now.

I was dropping the baby off in her parents’ bedroom around 10PM and that’s when I got the official news: ‘so we are moving tomorrow evening’ .. I was having such an awesome day, full of productivity! After an unnecessarily long Easter weekend (seriously, these will stall one’s productivity!) .. sure, it was still Easter Monday but I had things to do and I just needed to get an early start to run…

View On WordPress

#adult living with parents #adult living with parents challenges #adult living with parents concerns #adult living with parents isolated #adult living with parents issues #adult living with parents problems #adult with no home #adult with no space #adults living with parents pros and cons #living with parents

[ohwellokcomputer]

does anyone know if it’s legal (usa) for your parents to take stuff from you (money, amazon purchases etc) without asking or returning it when you’re 18+? my mom says that bc I live in her house for free I have to accept that I don’t have any possessions of my own but I’m a legal adult so this seems unfair. i can’t really find anything online that outright confirms or denies this

#help #strict parents #adult living with parents

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[simply-not-an-egg]

Rant time because I’m upset and need to get my feelings out. Please don’t make judgements on my family on this one specific post though thank youuuu.

Anyway, a parent of mine has recently taken up a tendency to come into my room when I’m up past 12am to tell me to go to sleep. And whilst I know they are doing it to try and help with my mental health, what they don’t realise is that it’s actually doing worse for me.

By worse I mean, I am naturally independant and always have been, and this independance has gotten more extreme as I have become an adult. I am a month off turning 19 now fyi.

So by telling me, a stubborn ADULT, to go to sleep when I am not disturbing anyone, is making me do the opposite (that being stay up later).

My sleep this week has been better than usual - this is now the first time in a week where I am awake past 2am, and it’s only because I was talking and playing with my partner and our friends (something we do not very often). I have felt extremely isolated this week so to have that connection is really important for me.

They came in twice within an hour to tell me off, and both times just upset me. And again, I understand they’re just trying to help out with my mental health, but the thing is, I’ve been doing fine with little sleep since starting my antidepressants last month. Oddly, my depression has nothing to do with my late sleeping.

It’s not like I have obligations either. I don’t have a job. Any appointments I have I make sure to get enough sleep for (i.e. I have an appointment at 1pm today and need to leave by at least 12:20pm to get to it; I can sleep at 4am and wake up at 11am and be fine). My only chores tomorrow are to feed the cats and dogs and do my washing up and maybe put my clothes away. Aside from that, I am free as a bird.

I have been going to bed late as long as I can remember. For over a decade I have been going to sleep at any hour past 11pm. It’s in my clock to do so. Ntm I’m autistic and naturally have trouble sleeping until a late hour (this parent is also autistic, but they do not seem to have the same problem). 

Anyway that’s all. TLDR I’m an adult and mad. I think this parent forgets that sometimes. And it’s really starting to get on my nerves to the point that I’m about to talk to my partner’s parent about moving in with them because honestly I’d feel better for it.

#rant #parents #adult living with parents

[littlebitofdnd]

Sandra-Lynn and Sklonda are having a "What Do We Do About Kristen" phone call as we speak

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #brennan lee mulligan #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 fhjy #d20 fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #sklonda gukgak #sandra lynn faeth #riz gukgak #fig faeth #kristen applebees #like kristen IS a good friend and she DOES appreciate riz and fig but she is a mess #like as mothers of two deeply troubled children it makes sense they're comcerned #if my daughter the self-sacrificing ticking time bomb said she was ignoring a CURSE because she was busy with her friend's campaign??? #or if my son needed me to pull over to take a nap because the SAME GIRL was stressing him out so much?? #i think because we live outside the universe and love kristen it's easy to forget #kristen went from being the 'good kid' that the bad kids corrupted to the bad influence that worries their mothers #thinking about ally saying that kristen this season is when chaos is no longer cute #speaking of which this scene did make me realize how little the Thistlesprings check up on gorgug #ik they're trying though so imma give them a pass #like kristen has NO proper guidance on how to enter adulthood #i GUESS jawbone but Jawbone isn't raising her so much as he is housing her #What Kristen REALLY needs is to have one singular adult want to be her parent #She doesn't HAVE a proper sandra lynn or sklonda checking in on her #she has her ex-girlfriend's uncle #if kristen had someone looking out for her we wouldn't BE in this situation

[ionlytalktodogs]

Controversial take but it’s actually not the job of random disabled people to educate your kids on disabilities. If your child stares, asks a rude question, or gets in the way of a disabled person, the responsibility falls on you to deal with that. It’s not the child’s fault for being curious or uneducated (that is quite literally the JOB of children) but it’s also not the job of a literal stranger to parent your kid for you.

#'but teaching kids about disabilities leads them to be adults who are less ableist' yes I agree. #but a random disabled person just trying to live their life is not required to teach kids about disabled people #as the parent it is YOUR job to educate your child about disabled people. #I'm just trying to get a fucking bagel Sharon. #disabled #disability #physical disability #ableism #my ramblings

[eyrieofsynapses]

hey, Leverage peeps, I've got a thought. I've seen a lot of posts and memes joking about Nate's inability to understand that his clients do not want money, they want revenge. I also find this funny. but I was thinking about it and I realized something: there's a personal reason behind it. there is a very, very good reason why Nate doesn't get that.

Nate's drive to lead Leverage, outside of the crew, originated from his son's death due to his insurance company's refusal to cover the bill for the required treatment. we all know this. if his company had paid for Sam's treatment, everything would've been fine.

…or, if Nate had been a little wealthier, had a little more change to spend… maybe he could've paid for it. maybe Blackpool never would've had a say in any of it. maybe Nate would've had everything under control from the start.

we've discussed at length in the fandom how money equals safety for some of the others in the crew (Parker and Hardison grew up with little to none and know its importance to survival, Eliot needs it to stay ahead of his old enemies, etc.), but I don't know that I've seen any discussion on how it's relevant to Nate. for him, however, money equals security in healthcare and in housing (he lost the house, remember?). Nate's older than the others. he remained in the same place for much longer, and he had a stable life for a while. the others haven't been in that position before. many of their clients, however, are at that place in life.

yes, for the others, money keeps them ahead of the game and it keeps them secure. but none of them ever lost a kid because they couldn't pay for healthcare. none of them risk losing the life of someone who is completely dependent on them when they don't have enough.

(Hardison, perhaps, has the closest understanding, considering he hacked a bank to pay for his Nana's healthcare. but he never lost her.)

Nate thinks ahead, you know? he has a long-term view of things. I imagine that for him, when clients refuse the money, they're not just refusing a month's worth of groceries, or a place to stay the night, or the ability to keep running. for him, they're refusing control over their hard-earned, stable, long-term living situation. they're refusing the potential to save a family member's life.

I dunno, guys. I think that's a pretty good reason to not understand why people don't want the money.

#leverage #leverage meta #nate ford #meta #ello folks it has been A While #but I saw another one of these memes today and couldn't help but ask myself 'why?' #and this came out #anyway I figure this is a fair reason to have more trouble Getting It #when you think about it Nate's probably gotten the closest to most of their clients' living situations #the rest of them have had Very Unusual Lives #but so many of their clients are PARENTS #they're people with STABLE LIVING SITUATIONS #they're ordinary middle-class people! #and Nate was the only one who lived as an adult in that situation! #he's the only one who understands what it's like to have a regular family depending on him to keep the household running! #no WONDER he worries more about this! #he understands the consequences better than the others do! #I dunno I feel like that gets overlooked a lot #anyway have fun playing with this #synapse meta

[infinizero]

Ok so

There is this trope about ghosts not reaching maturity until they've been ghosts for several centuries

There is ALSO the trope that ghosts fight as a sort of way to communicate

With the power of these two tropes combined-- I give you this strange headcanon:

Ghosts become mature adult ghosts after 500 years.

Danny and his usual troublemakers are all in the same "daycare".

He's just the youngest + most unique ghost so they like playing around with him the most. In other words, it's the ghost version of older siblings ordering their younger siblings around

As far as ghosts go,

There are blobs, ghost animals, shades (those are ghosts as we know it) and ghosts (aka Infinite Realms Beings) etc etc

The blobs and etc are, well, blobs and etc

But ghosts need a while to fully grow up and be considered adult

And so, if these ghosts are children, they need guardians or caretakers at the daycare right?

Correct

Baby ghosts are under the care of the nearest authority (Ancient or Leader or etc etc)

Except baby ghosts usually stay near where they were born and Danny and Co just so happen to be near Pariah Dark

Pariah Dark is asleep

But Fright Knight is there!

Except Fright Knight is also sealed

And it's one thing to wake up the ultra powerful megalomaniac tyrant kinda parent figure but not really you're supposed to have and another to drag your oldest adult sibling out of their room to touch grass

In other words, the surrounding authorities just went eh the babies can contact fright Knight if anything happens

But then Danny defeats Pariah and inherits his authority

So he technically becomes the caretaker of baby ghosts in the area while being the youngest baby ghost himself

Hence the other ancients visiting and *playing* with him to see if it's ok to leave the babies with this other baby

And since they're ghosts who don't have human guidelines or morals, decide that since he's that strong it should be fine to leave it alone

Besides he has Fright Knight! Good 'ol Frighty will definitely help out this new baby kid ghost with doing everything!

Meanwhile, Fright Knight waiting for Danny to come claim the crown and ring: ...

Cue Danny's rogues coming up to him to show him shit they accomplished

Youngblood : Phantom look at this cool baking soda volcano that spews out real lava!!

Danny: It does WHAT

Youngblood: Look!

Danny: NO

Ember: Hey Babybop wanna listen to the new song I wrote? It compels humans to start cults based on my name!

Danny: Ember, no

Ember: I think you mean Ember YES

Skulker: Ghost boy I have skinned an alien and brought you a pelt turned into a coat

Danny: ...you did WHAt

Skulker: It is nearing winter time and one must always be ready for winter time

Danny, having an existential meltdown after seeing his parents and Vlad get it on together: Desiree what the actual fuck??? Did you do????

Desiree: I merely fulfilled a wish

Johnny: Hey Phantom look we got matching tattoos to celebrate our anniversary!

Kitty: Wait what did you just say?

Johnny: uh, we got tattoos for our anniversary?

Kitty: ...our anniversary is in TWO MONTHS. THAT was for my DEATHDAY.

Johnny: ...oh shit

Danny, about to soup them both: Man, get good

Lunch Lady: Phantom have you eaten your proteins today?!

Danny: uh... Yeah?

Lunch Lady, already throwing meat at him: EAT MORE

Danny:

Box ghost: WITNESS! THE GREAT BOX MECHA!

Danny: oh come on seriously

And on the other hand,

Walker, dumping ten piles of paper in Danny's room: Phantom, here are the latest forms that need revisions

Spectra: What do you MEAN you're not allowing me to open a beauty salon in order to dig into other girls' insecurities and maintain my own beauty?! That's why it's called a beauty salon!!

Cujo and Wulf who are both the best boys and favorites, with smug faces:

Fright Knight still waiting for Danny to accept the ring and crown:

Plasmius: What the heck is this weird feeling my ghost side keeps making me feel??

Plasmius: is it... Is there perhaps a ghostly way I can adopt the little badger??

#danny phantom #ghost king danny #ember mclain #skulker #youngblood #vlad plasmius #desiree #johnny 13 and kitty #walker #fright knight #lunch lady #box ghost #the ghosts are all baby #400 is considered the 17 yrold of ghosts as in you are practically already an adult? #but not yet just a lil more #youre getting there tho #500 is the 18 wow hooray you are now a full adult! #550 is the 19 youre an adult wtf do you do now #600 is the 20-24 hey look at me im doing great at adulting! #650 is the 25 you are now FULLY developed look at you #fright knight is in the 600-650 yrold stage #the guys technically an adult but still lives at his parents house until he figures his stuff out

[hyacynta]

I've talked about the Apollo erasure from Solangelo moments before. Now let me bring attention to Mr. D erasure.

Dionysus is Nico's therapist not Will.

#will and nico have supportive adult/parental figures in their lives!!! #they arent each others only way of coping!!! #apollo is the third wheel #dionysus is the fourth wheel #together they make a stable car #unless there are drinks involved ig #trials of apollo #toa #pjo apollo #rrverse #riordanverse #pjo #pjo hoo toa #the trials of apollo #ttoa #mr d #pjo dionysus #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #tower of nero

[yuwigqi]

I'm not saying Jason attacking Tim titans tower is actually all that brutal, cause it's not. And physical fights aren't uncommon for siblings. And that you can make jokes about "peak sibling behavior" and that its funny.

But I hope the people saying this understand that siblings beating each other so badly they have scars and bruises that their parents should have intervened. Like. You understand that right. Children sending their siblings to the hospital is bad, and as a parent you need to do whatever you can to stop that. Do you get that.

#Batman #Batfam #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Yes my brothers and I (there are five of us lol) did regularly cause serious injury to each other #And as we are all adults we recognize this was a form of parental neglect and we deserved better than to all live in fear of each other #I hope that the people who say this as a joke are at that point of understanding #Red Hood #Robin #Red Robin #The Drake #titan's tower

[royaltea000]

if I had a nickel for every time some blonde guy inexplicably got a child I’d have two nickels but it’s strange that it happened twice

#kotaro lives alone #digital art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital illustration #kotaro lives alone is about adults who didn’t get enough parental love when they were children doing their best to make sure this kid never #grows up feeling the same as them and through him they learn how to love and feel again and I cannot stop crying ;_; #kotaro lives alone fanart #sato kotaro #karino #what is this dudes full name again lol? #the other duo is mob and reigen btw lol #also the amount of criminally offensive side eyes they give each other is so funny

[borderlinebelle]

oops…🫢

looks like another parental red flag, except this time the medication did the work I never could and eviscerated any and all the emotional attachment! 👍🏽🙂

wow! 🙂

no contact break? sounds like peace and healing to me. 🙂

While, i can’t wait to be back on the 30’s and away from the 40’s. but in the meantime… strategic use will prosper. 🙂

I know they love me deeply. What greatly outweighs that love is the way it is translated. They very offen cannot share their love for me with me without the negativity, fear, and inability to see me for who I am today.

Unfortunately, despite over 10+ years of therapy I still am genuinely and extremely affected by their words. Their words continue to completely destroy me, at the most casual lip curl toward my life or choices.

I have always loved them so deeply it destroyed the very fabric of my brain and reality… because they were INCAPABLE of loving me the way i so desperately deserved and needed.

poverty and pressure robbed us both of that love.

I’ve chased and begged and wept and screamed and dreamed of the love of a parent my entire life. I recognize that they’re traumatized too and I’m finally learning to accept that they’ll never be able to treat me gently or kindly or genuinely.

I destroyed their trust as a mentally ill child, teen, adult. They may never forgive me. They may never sympathize with me. They may never see me differently.

That’s okay. I see me clearly for the first time i since childhood and I’m so proud of the growth I’ve endured and collected and the triumph I’ve forged to achieve.

IF YOU NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY. IMMA BLAZE IT FOR YOU WITH THE CHANGE I COLLECTED FROM MY NISSAN TODAY. CUT THOSE TOXIC PEOPLE OUT TODAY. SLAP THAT BLOCK BUTTON AND TAKE A BREAK!! IT IS okay. You deserve peace and happiness. It doesn’t even have to be for the rest of your life, but getting some space creates room for other things. ❤️ iseeu

reblog for the sad bitches & like it for the mad bitches

#no contact #parental trauma #generational trauma #personal growth #adult adhd #living with adhd #borderline personality disorder #living with borderline #quiet and numb and ready for the gym #doing the hard stuff #mental health #self compassion #dysfunctional family #healing #toxic relationship #trauma recovery #trauma survivor #mental support

[bruciemilf]

Bruce as a 24 year old feeling the societal pressure to Move Out after Selina was surprised he was still living at the manor, " Um. I've been looking at apartments. "

Alfred, slowly turning to him like a goddam slasher as he's chopping blueberries for muffin cupcakes, " No you haven't."

#selina didnt mean it negatively!! she just thought the richest guy in town would live in a skyscraper like falcone by himself #and alfred just does not give a fuck about that shit at all lmao. thought how funny would it be if he thought bruce was kicking HIM out #he'd still straight up say no with an added slight slap over bruces ear #i think its very interesting that bruce could be rep for young adults still living with their parents (aka me djdjd) #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #the batman #battinson #text

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

love the way we went from “headcannon that Klaus is German!” to “ohhh man he’s American that’s fine I guess :/“ then all the way back round to “NOPE HES AMISH EVEN BETTER”

#trust in Steve he knows what he’s doing #genuinely amazing #ik they’re birth parents countries of origin don’t have much bearing on their adult lives etc #but this is f ucking hilarious to me #tua #the umbrella academy #spoilers #klaus hargreeves

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I think ought to be more readily-available and encouraged is simply... taking parental classes. I wish it were more common for people to realize just how hard - and important - parenting is, and indeed, that we all could use help with taking care of young folk. It's really alarming that popular opinion is still that parental classes are only for the "fuck-up" parents, or the parents who utterly failed. It should be seen as a good thing to take parental classes - especially on your own volition. It should be seen as imperative for one to take them, it should be a free, accurate, and scheduled occurrence so that people of any background are able to attend.

#politics #parenting #i might have posted something like this before but who knows. certainly not me (the blogger) #of course some cities and states in the USA for instance will have programs like this but it's not.. across the board from what i understand #my city has a few free parenting classes for really any parent and i am really happy to hear that #my dad talks about the classes he took and most of them are geared toward fathers (the classes he takes). i think that's a great thing #i wish that was more common when i was a kid. when i'm older you bet i'm taking advantage of parenting classes <3 #even if i have no children i won't be child-free unless i live in isolation. i want to treat them well #i would be devastated if a kid were to have a horrible experience around me because i was an asshole or i was uncompassionate or ignorant #the overall message i got as a kid was that parenting classes were a punishment for the fuck-up parents and THAT is fucked up to me #the idea that parenting is simultaneously natural AND that you're Always Correct and Never Wrong is dangerous at best #like i bet my abuser thought they were a good adult to me and that i was just a fucked-up *child*

[bonefall]

oo snowkit becomes snowcarve?

He does!

In StarClan, you can use the names and appearance that you could have had, if you died young. It's very rare that you get permakits or permapprentices. I lifted from the COTC story about Smallstar and his siblings.

(Though, in BB those kits actually survive and it's MAPLESHADE’S kits who lead to the law on protecting children, Darkstar's Commandment, the Queen’s Rights. Smallstar is the leader of WindClan and xey're super chill. Xey own a lovely shawl.)

So Snowkit chooses to appear as Snowcarve, an Honor Title he would have earned for the creation of a full written Clan cat language, expanded from the simple glyphs. I'm not sure if he's a popular patron, but I do know that Bramble and Tawny invoke him sometimes.

Unfortunately though he's more invoked for general guidance by the two of them, not for possibilities like I think he'd like. He watches over them though, like a guardian angel. A lot of cats secretly have those.

I'm not sure who he follows around more often though. I think he LIKES following Tawny more because she's a better listener to his omens. But he feels like Bramble NEEDS him more, y'know?

Also notably, Snowcarve was technically their uncle, but the relationship is best described as "1st cousin." Rabnir in Clanmew, a familial role about somewhat distant but parallel growth, seen also with Brightpaw and Swiftpaw.

#Snowcarve has a lot of opinions on the Clan and its actions #I think he really strongly dislikes how they tried to 'honor' him with Whitewing #She's deaf and serious but he doesn't feel like they're very alike at all. She doesn't even like glyphs. #I think in general he feels a lot of resentment about how they remember him as something so innocent and simple #One of the interesting implications of how dead kids work in BB that I haven't explored much is-- #--that they will be remembered for the most simple part of their existence #But they're like angels. They have a lot of tasks and jobs they carry out and they learn all that #And see what they could have been on earth. And even claim it. They aren't connected to that innocent image of themselves #Or even to the mortal plane in general. They have a stronger connection to the celestial one #So sometimes a parent will live a whole life thinking of the baby they lost #Only to meet their adult child in the afterlife. #BB!Snowcarve #There's a couple relevant young-angels actually I should write a blurb for the most important ones #Mole Moss Shrew and Snow. #Tw child death #Tw ableism