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acciotherapists · 2 years

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Far From Home (Chapter 31: I Need You)

Loki x Reader

Y/n Y/l/n never thought her past would come back to find her. After all who would look for her on Midgard? But one day in the small town of Puento Antiguo her world is turned upside down when an old friend turns up, threatening everything she has built and the people she’d fought so hard to protect. What happens when the life she left behind finally catches up with her? What happens when the old flame she thought had burned out reignites within her?

Warnings: language (sorry, Steve), eventual smut (slow burn), angst, some mentions of torture (most things won’t be detailed but anything that gets a bit more specific will be warned at the beginning of the chapter)

Warnings for this Chapter: descriptions of blood, mention of previous torture

Screams sounded through the lab, though I couldn’t tell where they were coming from.

“Make her stop!”

Another slap stung my cheek and I opened my eyes slowly. Sweat dripped down my face, mixing with blood as it trickled down my skin. I felt a pinch in my arm, assuming they were drawing more blood, as flashes of light caught my attention. The lab would darken before brightening again as sparks shot from the light fixtures on the ceiling. My vision went dark once again but it wasn’t from the change in the lights. My eyes fluttered closed and sleep overtook me.

Loki, I need you.

****

Loki, I need you.

He would’ve given anything to hold her as her small voice begged for him inside his head. Emotion filled his heart, constricting it as her pain overwhelmed him. He could feel it, radiating through his body, though he knew it was only a fraction of what she was feeling. His blood boiled and he burned with rage at the thought of what they were doing to her.

He never thought he’d be asking for Tony Stark’s help, given that he’d just put him in jail, yet here he was, standing at the receptionist desk of Stark Tower.

“I’m sorry, sir but I cannot let you in without an appointment,” the receptionist said, trying to remain calm as she carefully regarded Loki. His face had been plastered all over the news less than two months ago and it was clear the people of New York hadn’t moved on. This wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought.

“Ma’am,” Thor began, trying a softer approach as he could see Loki getting angry. “Stark knows me and I can assure you he will want to see us. A woman’s life is at risk.”

She seemed reluctant but picked up a phone, calling Stark’s office.

“My apologies, sir, but a man named Thor and his Brother Loki are here. He says it’s urgent… He is pretty insistent, sir… Says a woman’s life is at risk.” She looked up at Thor. “What’s the woman’s name?”

“Y/n,” Thor answered. “Stark should know her.”

“Y/n,” the receptionist said into the receiver. “Yes, sir. Thor and his brother… Yes, sir. The same one from the attack… I don’t know, sir… Shall I send them up?... Thank you, sir.” She looked up once again. “You may go up,” she said, gesturing to the elevator. Thor and Loki quickly made their way to the elevator and up to the top floor.

I’m sorry, Loki… I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise.

“Brother, what is it?” Thor asked, noticing the horrified look on his brother’s face.

“I-it’s Y/n… I- I think she’s giving up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I hear her… she… she said she’s sorry she couldn’t keep her promise.”

“Brother… what did she promise you?”

“That she wouldn’t leave me.”

****

The elevator dinged, opening to the room Loki remembered all too well. The rubble had been cleared away and it appeared they were in the process of renovating the space.

“Point Break, what the hell is Reindeer Games doing here?” Stark hissed, keeping Pepper behind him.

“Stark, this is no time for war with each other. Y/n is in danger,” Thor answered. “Loki is here to help.”

“And you trust him?”

“Y/n does and that’s enough for me.”

“She trusted him before and look where that got us,” Tony answered, his voice soft, but dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s different this time,” Thor replied, sighing as he tried to figure out a way to explain, but, before he could, Loki spoke up.

“Hydra has her. I promised her she’d be safe and I failed her. I intend to get her back with or without your help.”

“Hydra? I thought they were taken care of years ago.”

“Apparently not,” Loki hissed. “It appears they merely slipped back into the shadows. Now they have Y/n and we have no way of reaching her.”

“What about your uh… all seeing bridge guy?”

“Heimdall,” Thor answered. “He can’t see her. They’ve shielded her from us somehow.”

Stark sighed, dragging a hand down his face as he tried to think of the best way to go about this.

“How?”

“We aren’t sure,” Thor answered.

“Great. That’s just great. Very helpful, Point Break, thank you,” Tony spat. “So how are we to find her?”

“Loki seems to have a connection with her. He can hear her thoughts.”

“So we’re supposed to take the word of the guy who just tried to kill us?”

“We’re wasting time!” Loki hissed, turning to Thor. “I knew he wasn’t going to help us. We need to find her on our own.”

“And who has access to state of the art satellite imaging? Cell phone images, street cams?” Tony interrupted. “Give me 10 minutes and I’ll find her.”

Loki scoffed. “And if you’re wrong we’ve wasted 10 minutes of time.”

Tony was typing, completely ignoring Loki.

“Brother, please. We lost 60 years with her when we tried it our way… Let us try it their way now," Thor reasoned.

Loki winced as his heart squeezed once more.

“Brother, what is it?”

Goodbye, Loki.

“No… no.”

“Brother, what’s going on?”

“Tell Stark to move faster,” he hissed, his mind clouding with images of Y/n strapped to a table, her skin covered in bruises and scrapes.

“I see her,” he whispered.

“What do you see, brother?”

“She’s hurt… badly.” More images flashed in his mind and he struggled to explain what he was seeing. Lights were flickering, sparks flying, as men in lab coats ran frantically toward a control panel. Y/n’s eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling slowly, just barely breathing. There was a heart monitor next to her and he could see the beats slowly decreasing, the increments of time between beats slowly growing larger.

“Brother, focus. What else do you see? Something that could help us?”

“Find out what’s causing this!” a man shouted. German.

“One of the men… he has a German accent.”

“Strucker! The girl is dying!”

“His name is Strucker.”

At this Tony’s eyes widened and he began typing faster.

“She’s dying, brother,” Loki whispered, falling to the floor as more images flooded his mind. They were struggling to resuscitate her, unwilling to let her die before they’d gotten everything they needed.

Loki could hear Tony muttering in the background before he said the words Loki desperately needed to hear. “Found her.”

****

Taglist: @purplekitten30 @lokisprettygirl22 @midnights-ramblings @huntress-artemiss @lokis-little-love @lokis-tigress @the-archangel-in-asgard @crimson25

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cozy-the-overlord · 3 years

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Requiem

Summary: He let go, and he fell.

Word Count: 910

Pairing: None

A/N: So here’s an idea that I got from an ask game forever ago (thanks Lauren!) that I randomly decided to stay up all night writing two nights ago because I was depressed after listening to folklore for the millionth time. This is probably the shortest thing I’ve ever written, and there’s not a lot to it-- just a canon-compliant exploration of what was going through Loki’s head when he fell from the Bifrost at the end of Thor.

Thanks for reading!

Warnings: Suicide Attempt/Suicidal Thoughts

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

He fell.

He let go, and he fell.

It was a choice, but it wasn’t. Because what else could he choose? He had already fallen, fallen from a pedestal that had never been his to stand upon, a throne that had been snatched from beneath him before he had the chance to sit. He had already come crashing through the marble floor, in the sight of one who had never bothered to hold him high to begin with.

How much farther could he fall, really?

He let go, and he fell. Thor was screaming, a sound guttural and horrified, the type of sound that should have cut through his brain and throbbed in his eardrums, but it didn’t.

Loki felt nothing. He was too busy feeling everything.

The figure above them was still, even as the swirling cosmos snuffed him out like a candle, the screech of silence drowning out his brother’s shrieks.

I could have done it, Father!

But there was no truth to that cry, was there?

Father.

Not father.

King-slayer.

Kin-slayer.

Traitor, traitor, traitor.

They lied, he sobbed. They lied.

No, Loki, they scolded.

You lied.

He let go, and he fell.

He was drowning.

Loki knew what it felt like to drown. He had almost drowned once before, when he was but a child, in one of the great mountain lakes of Alfheim by which they had spent their summers. The water had been clear, so clear that one could see straight to the mussel shells that glistened in the sand below, so clear that the bottom looked only just below his feet …

Don’t go out too far, his mother had warned.

Wrong, wrong, they hissed.

Not-Mother.

Never-Was-Mother.

Will-Never-Be-Mother.

He gasped for air and choked on the frostbitten nothingness that pierced his lungs.

He hadn’t known he had gone too far out. The sandy floor had been right there, so close he could touch it … until it wasn’t and he couldn’t and the lake swallowed him whole. The water sucked his childish cries from his chest, pulling him deeper and deeper until his throat caught fire and the frothing white blinded his vision, until death’s gaunt specter loomed over him, a leering grin stretched across its skeletal cheeks—

It didn’t matter now. It hadn’t even mattered then, when Thor had pulled his sobbing mess of a brother—

Not-Brother

—pulled his sobbing mess to shore and deposited him in the sand like a load of laundry. It was only delaying the inevitable.

He let go, and he fell. The void pulled him deeper, far deeper than that Alfheim lake could ever dream of, embracing him with a chill that ripped his skin from his bones. He would have screamed, but his throat had turned to ice.

Everything had turned to ice. He was made of ice, freezing, flying, falling, waiting to shatter upon a surface that never emerged, begging for an end that never came.

Let the ground come, he pleaded with deities he knew couldn’t bother to listen, please, just let the ground come and let it all end.

But he only fell.

Colors danced before him, bright and distant, too far to bring comfort but just close enough that he could hear how they laughed at him.

Red, like the banners that dangled in the Great Hall in honor of his brother’s Name Day.

Gold, like the light that glowed on his father’s face as he lay motionless in his bed.

Blue, like the morning glory that climbed his mother’s garden walls.

Green, like the blankets she had swathed him as an infant, a stolen beast in a sparkling cradle.

He sobbed, screaming soundlessly until his throat bled raw as he plummeted through the nullity. It was torture, icicles gashing at his heart with every swollen reminder.

Because he loved them. He loved them so much, more than he could ever bring himself to describe, even though they were never real, even though they didn’t care about him, even though he had failed them in very possible way a person could fail someone. He loved them, and he hated himself for it.

If only he had drowned in the lake.

He let go, and he fell. For decades, centuries, millenia, there was nothing but him, engulfed by nothingness as he plunged through obscurity.

Until he hit the bottom.

He had hoped he’d shatter. It was a lovely dream, really—to crash through the planet’s surface and shatter into a million tiny pieces, shards of ice that could just melt away and cease to be. The sun would rise on a mended galaxy, one where Loki Laufeyson had never drawn breath.

But he didn’t shatter. He hit the ground with a horrible thud, one that rattled his very skull and crushed what was left of him against the jagged rock, broken, yet dishearteningly whole. He lay there, too fractured even for tears, praying for the familiar specter to swoop in and bring the nightmare to an end.

But there was nothing. It seemed even death had abandoned him.

Until a bright light seared his vision white, and a huffing laugh cracked through the fog.

“Look at this thing,” the throaty voice chuckled. “It’s not worth the effort. Just put it out of its misery.”

Yes, he thought, please. Just put it out of its misery.

Their voices melted back into the hum of existence, a hum that was beginning to sound suspiciously like an engine. The light was quickly fading.

Loki closed his eyes.

It’s okay. It’s over.

But it wasn’t over.

It was only the beginning.

#loki marvel #loki fanfic #loki oneshot #requiem #cozy writes

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years

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Of All the Places

Chapter 13

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: Still in the custody of SHIELD, Loki hears some troubling news from his brother. He can only hope that there relationship is repaired enough to be allowed to help set things right. Chapter Warnings: pretty dialogue heavy A/N: Not too much happens in this one, but it’s setting up for the grand finale! The last chapter and epilogue will both be posted next week, so keep your eyes peeled. Updates every Friday. Enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @marvelousdaydreams @parkastoria @lokistan @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs @sourpatchspinster @gaitwae

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

“And why in the Nine not?” Loki demanded of his brother, desperate to know why he wouldn’t be set free. “You said you believed me. Even after all this, was it still not true?”

“Of course it is true, but father will not allow it,” Thor explained, unable to mask the hurt in his voice. “He still demands you be brought back to Asgard.”

Loki frowned at that. If Odin had plans for him, he doubted he could weasel out of them. He wondered if you would ever find out what happened to him if he died. Probably not. Put up against the possibility of being made to live out his many years without ever hearing from you again, death seemed like the merciful option. He couldn’t handle any more torture and being kept from you would be the worst he’d gone through yet. Though the thought of you with anyone else, especially Denzel, made Loki’s stomach roil, he would rather that than you be lonely. Hopefully, you could be happy without him, even if he could not without you.

“Loki, I will speak with him. It will be alright, brother,” Thor assured him.

“So when do we leave?” Loki asked, trying to make himself numb to the pain he was feeling. He dared not hope that his brother could set everything right.

“As soon as you are cleared to leave Midgard.”

“May I make a request?”

“With all due respect, Reindeer Games,” Stark added, though the question was most obviously not addressed to him, “I don’t think you’re in the position for that.”

“I will hear you out, Loki,” Thor said, making no comment on Tony’s remark. “I cannot promise anything more than that.”

“I understand,” Loki anxiously agreed. “The family I was staying with, I do not need to see them again, but may I have some news on them before we go? Just to know they are alright?”

“I have already given you my word that no harm will come to them.”

“I am aware, but-”

Loki was cut off by the door swinging open. The young agent made a beeline for Fury, who was standing there observing the scene with his one good eye, making no remarks of his own. The God of Mischief arched an eyebrow as the agent whispered something in the director’s ear before the two walked outside.

“I’m still wondering why you care so much about a random family from Oklahoma,” Tony said. “What were you even doing there in the first place?”

“I must confess, it was not originally my choice. When I used the Tesseract to escape, I told it to take me somewhere safe,” Loki recounted. “I have not the slightest clue as to why it chose there.”

“Well, that explains how you got there, but why’d you stay?”

“I was,” Loki responded, clearing his throat, “persuaded.”

“In what way?” Thor puzzled.

“They did not know who I truly was, so they welcomed me with open arms,” Loki sighed. “I suppose I... I bonded with a few of them.”

“Yeah, they did all give glowing reviews of you,” Tony said.

“Wait. So you have heard from them? How are they? You must tell me. How is... everyone?”

Loki would not yet risk showing he had any particularly special connection with you, lest it put you in any more danger than you were already in. Thor and Tony exchanged a look, though, that said they could tell he wanted to know about a specific member. He hoped you hadn’t had to tell the agents too many details about your relationship. Somehow, it seemed like a mortifying prospect for them to know such a personal thing. Especially his brother. He was not yet ready for another heart to heart.

“They are all fine,” Thor hesitantly said. “Brother, I don’t suppose you bonded with one of them more than the others. Say, as something more than a friend. You can tell me, you know.”

Yup, Loki was right. Absolutely mortifying. Back on Asgard, he and his brother never really talked about relationships. Their own was already too far gone by the time they reached an age where they thought much about it. The trickster god still remembered his first kiss. It was with one of the palace stable boys. He’d even started riding more just to have an excuse to go and see him. Of course, Odin found out and deemed it improper. Loki never did find out exactly what had happened to him, but he remembered wanting to go and talk to Thor about it. Needless to say, he didn’t. But maybe, just maybe, this was an opportunity to make up for that. So, against his better judgement, Loki told Thor of his special connection with you, though not to the full extent out of the desire to still guard his emotions. Unfortunately, that meant Stark heard, too.

“Not a word out of you,” Loki menaced as Tony opened his mouth. Thankfully, he backed off, putting his hands up in surrender. “Thor, please tell me that they are alright. If they were hurt because of me... Well, just tell me how they are.”

“They are a little shaken up, I will admit, but they are ok. Safe. As I have already said, you have my word that they will remain that way.”

Loki choked out his thanks before Fury burst back into the room. That man was so unreadable that Loki couldn’t make out a single damn expression on his face. How he wished he could have that talent to be so guarded again, but once the floodgates were opened the first time, he never could quite get them closed again. Regardless, the raven haired man knew something was up—something bad. It was the same feeling he’d gotten the day prior, and look where he ended up. But he couldn’t be apprehended by SHIELD again, so now it was back to the question of what. But deep down, he knew. He whispered your voice so low that only Thor heard, and the thunder god shot his brother a concerned glance. Before he could say anything, though, Fury spoke.

“I need your asses out here now,” he said, addressing the two Avengers. “It’s urgent.”

“Wait, brother,” Loki called before he could exit. “I feel in my gut that there is something very bad happening to my beloved. You will tell me if that is the case, correct?”

“I do not know if that is wise.” Thor looked like he was thinking very hard, brows furrowed in concentration. The desperate, pleading look written plainly on Loki’s face must have convinced him because he finally relented. “But yes, I will. As soon as I can.”

Loki gave a quick nod of gratitude before Thor left again. Now that he was left alone in the room, there was very little stopping him from descending into a full on panic. If you were in any sort of trouble, it was undoubtedly his fault. He never should have done that to you. Then again, if he hadn’t stayed around you for so long, he would still be being crushed by the weight of loneliness. His heart would still be fractured. Perhaps it would have been better than having you violently ripped away from him, though. He feared this cycle of guilt and hypotheticals would never end.

He wasn’t sure if it was minutes, hours, or only mere seconds that passed before Thor was coming back in, but he was relieved to see him. After all, his thoughts were a very scary thing to be trapped with. Even scarier was the deeply worried expression upon Thor’s face.

“Brother?” Loki asked, though he was more nervous for the answer than he ever imagined possible.

“The Chitauri. They are back.”

“In New York? But you closed the portal, did you not?” A sickeningly horrifying idea occurred to Loki, and he swallowed thickly. “Is it Thanos? Has he returned? If he is here to make good on is threats to me, then I beg you, brother, just turn me over. It will be easiest, safest, for everyone.”

“If you think for one moment that I will allow that, you are further out of your mind than I suspected,” Thor raged. Loki was shocked into silence. Never before had Thor yelled at him like that. Sure, he’d shouted at him, but it was always because he was angry at him, or because he was pinning the blame for something on Loki. Not because he cared about him. Thor calmed himself down a bit before he continued explaining the situation. “The portal is still closed. We just did not actually round up all the ones that had already come through, apparently. And, they are not in New York, either.”

“Then where?”

Thor looked nervously around the room. “It hardly matters, brother. You will not be able to come.”

“Thor, where?” Loki growled.

“Oklahoma City.”

Loki sucked in a sharp breath and went pale as a ghost. There was only one logical explanation as to why they would be there of all places. Him. They must have tracked him somehow and were there to get revenge. But he wasn’t there anymore, thanks to SHIELD. And if they truly were tracking him, they wouldn’t stop at the city. They would keep going until they reached your farm. Until they reached you.

“Let me go. I can stop this.”

“Were you not listening to what I just said? You cannot come.”

“Brother, please,” Loki whispered, “I beg of you, just let me take care of this. What if it was your mortal who was in danger? You would stop at nothing to save her, I know. That is how I feel, except it is not only the one I care so dearly about. Yes, there is my beloved, and I would die a thousand deaths for them, but it is their whole family, too. I would give my life to keep them out of danger.”

“Thor,” Captain Rogers said, appearing in the door. “We have to hurry.”

“I am sorry, brother,” Thor told Loki before turning away. There was some look in his eye that Loki did not get a good enough look at to place, but he was certain he was trying to tell him something with it. Regardless, he turned and left. “I am coming, Captain.”

Helplessly tugging at the chains holding him to the table, Loki began to hyperventilate. He started cursing himself. If only he were a stronger sorcerer, then maybe these chains couldn’t restrain his magic. If only he hadn’t become so bitter and hopeless, then maybe he never would have let go on the Bifröst. If only his will wasn’t so weak, then maybe Thanos never would have gotten him to attack Midgard in the first place.

He gave up the futile struggle as the blinding anxiety slowly faded. Letting his head drop into his hands, Loki allowed himself a few quiet sobs before trying to clear his head. He needed a plan. For so long, he was ten steps ahead of everyone, but now? Now he was about a hundred miles behind, locked in a room, unable to protect you. But, no. He wouldn’t give up. He was going to get out. He only needed to think. Surely there were still some cards to play, right?

“Psst, brother.”

He looked up to see Thor sneaking back into the room. Maybe this was a hallucination. It was quite possible that he’d finally cracked under the never-ending pressure. Because, really, when had the God of Thunder ever done anything like this before? Though, the fact that he was unlocking the cuffs did seem to be in favor of the idea that this was a jail break.

“What are you doing?” Loki hissed, rubbing his now freed wrists, still not entirely trusting this wasn’t a trap.

“Is it not obvious? I’m freeing you.”

“Well, how daring of you, brother. I admit, I did not think you had it in you.”

“Yes, well, I can see how much you truly love your little Midgardian.”

“Nonsense. It is like I said, I am concerned for all of them. They did, after all, take care of me.”

“Oh, yes. I am sure that is it.”

Loki just rolled his eyes and made his way over to the exit. Almost every instinct in him was screaming to just teleport away from the scene, get to you as fast he could. The thing stopping him was that for once in a very long time, Thor wasn’t dismissing him. In fact, he was trusting him. He couldn’t just turn his back and betray that now, not if he had any hope of getting their brotherly bond back.

Banner was standing right outside the door as Loki opened it, making him jump a little. Before he could whip out a weapon, though, Thor was reassuring Loki that he was just standing guard during the break out. It was quite the strategic move, Loki thought, to have the one Avenger who could really do damage to him be right outside the door. Perhaps he wasn’t giving his brother enough credit. Or perhaps there were just others involved in this scheme.

Sure enough, after dodging a number of agents, the rest of Thor’s friends were waiting in the Quinjet. The tension in the air was palpable as they stood there in silence, sizing each other up. It was obvious Thor wanted to say something to get them all amicably chatting, but knew whatever he was going to say would probably just make things worse. Though the very idea made him gag, Loki knew what he must do if he wanted to reach you in time.

“I apologize,” he said, trying to make it sound completely sincere. “I know that I have hurt some of you—all of you—in some way. I cannot erase the past, but I am trying to do the right thing now. I was not in my right mind the first time we met. Let me prove that now.”

The Avengers all made eye contact with each other, communicating without words. It was agony waiting for their approval, both because he was anxious just to get to you, and it was sickening to have to be judged by them in such a way. Knowing that it was his only opportunity of helping you without complications, however, he waited with bated breath for their reply.

“Ok,” Romanoff finally spoke up. “We forgive you. For now, anyway. Right now, we have to get to Oklahoma.”

“Yes. Please, let us be on our way now,” Loki urged.

And that’s how the God of Mischief ended up flying around with the Avengers. At least he wasn’t chained up like the last time. It was, though, perhaps the most tense situation he’d ever been in. But it didn’t matter, not now. No, now he was on his way, and there was only one thing in his mind, repeating over and over like that one song lyric you can’t get of your head.

He was going to save you.

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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What do you think Loki would think of Kilgrave (from the tv series)? Would Loki be immune to his powers? How could Loki cheat and defeat Kilgrave?

This question has been sitting in my ask box (among others - sorry, anon :/) for probably a couple of months and I think about answering it at least once a week and I haven’t answered it yet bc I have no idea how to express how flaily I am at the idea of Loki encountering Kilgrave (believe it or not, I never thought about it before! Loki teaming up with Jessica, yes, but not crossing paths with Kilgrave.).

I also don’t know how to answer this lmfao, I have no idea.

Well, I have a lot of ideas, but how accurate and/or in-character they are remains to be seen. .

Idk, buckle up.

Under the cut bc it’s super long and I’m sure only like three people care about this.

What do you think Loki would think of Kilgrave (from the tv series)?

I don’t know if there’s a word that would encompass what Loki would feel toward Kilgrave. I think that there’s a number of things he would think, none of them particularly flattering. I think that the most succinct way to put it would be that Loki would think Kilgrave - basic, is the only thing I can think of. A basic bitch.

I say that for a number of reasons and it’s not that I think Loki would think Kilgrave isn’t a threat. Kilgrave is evil. Kilgrave is irredeemable evil; there’s no redemption arc, no coming back from the things he’s done. He doesn’t want to come back from the things he’s done.

It isn’t just that he mind controls people, and it isn’t just that he kills people. It’s the way he feels (or doesn’t feel) about it.

Kilgrave could be a sociopath. (I don’t know enough about the diagnostic criteria to say that he definitely is, and on tumblr dot com, I feel like I need to disclaim that right off the bat. I’m not armchair diagnosing here.) There’s no empathy in him, no remorse for any of his actions, no inclination to do the right thing. It’s the exact opposite: Kilgrave’s particular brand of villainy is rooted in this purely sadistic need for power over others - quite literally.

He doesn’t just want his victims to hurt or kill themselves. He wants them to do it as painfully as possible. He wants them to suffer, and he wants them to keep on suffering even after he’s no longer there to enjoy it.

An example: Kilgrave uses his powers to hustle a ton of money in a poker game, and one of the players confronted him. Kilgrave told him to “see how long it takes to put your head through that post,” and the poor guy goes over and is just slamming his head repeatedly into the post, long after Kilgrave leaves. This is a particularly horrifying aspect of Kilgrave’s ability: the person isn’t freed from the mind-control after Kilgrave is no longer there, and it’s not the kind of mind-control that can be broken with “a really hard hit to the head.” The victims physically and mentally cannot stop doing what he told them to do, either until the thing is complete, or they literally die trying.

It’s brutal and perverse. But it’s significant to note that Kilgrave doesn’t hurt/kill everyone he mind controls. Whether or not he decides to make someone suffer seems to depend on 1) how useful they can be to him, and 2) whether he feels like it or not. There’s little rhyme or reason. He will mind control someone to give him their cell phone, mind control a second person to throw a cup of scalding coffee in their face, and mind control a third person to cut their own hands off, and all three of these things seem to be the same to him. He doesn’t see making someone cut off their own hands any worse than making someone give up their cell phone. He’s not any more horrified by it, and he doesn’t even think about it long enough to attempt to feel any real remorse.

In this manner, Kilgrave mind controls, torments, kidnaps, rapes, maims, and kills his victims and doesn’t give it a second thought. He forgets them forever once he’s done with them. (What makes Jessica the exception is a whole other meta.) He’s motivated by the feeling that having power and control over other human beings gives him. He’s motivated by feeling invincible, and will do whatever he can to maintain that sense of invincibility.

These things make Kilgrave terrifying as a villain, both to his victims as well as to the audience. What makes him a particularly formidable villain for the series is that Jessica is literally the only one who can stop him. He loses his ability to control her, and she’s strong enough to take him down. She’s the only real threat to him. When one is surrounded by regular human beings who are completely helpless to this brand of mind control, it raises the stakes and frames him as a villain you are going to be scared of. Ymmv, but I mean, I certainly wouldn’t want to cross paths with Kilgrave on the street.

So why is he a basic bitch?

Loki may consider all of these things, and he may further be mildly horrified if he actually saw what Kilgave does to some of his victims (’mildly’ because we don’t know what Loki’s threshold is; who knows what kind of Fucked Up Shit he’s seen by now), and he would conclude that while Kilgrave is certainly a threat in his own, human context, there’s nothing about him that differentiates him from any other would-be villain out there. There’s nothing compelling about him; there’s nothing that sets him apart. His powers are the only thing that make him significantly more threatening than any other human serial killer who kidnaps, rapes, and kills for no reason other than that sheer need for power and control over a victim.

I mean, Loki’s opinion of the humans is pretty low to start with. When Thor says, “you consider yourself above them,” and Loki is like, “um yes?” - I don’t believe that’s a response that had anything to do with the scepter’s influence and everything to do with the culture in which he and Thor were raised. Odin compares Jane being on Asgard to a goat being at a banquet table. The W4 mention “throwing around a little lightning and they see us as gods” (paraphrase). Loki grew up in a world that is both physically and scientifically millenia beyond humanity, and as a prince besides (which grants him a level of privilege above even other Asgardians). It’s only natural, I think, that he would see the humans as lesser-than his own people.

If Loki encountered Ted Bundy on the street, he’d not be overly impressed. Likewise, Kilgrave is not overly impressive to him. In the most general “here’s my reaction,” sense, Loki thinks that Kilgrave is what we would call a basic bitch. It’s similar to how he used his last breath to tell Thanos, “You’ll never be a god.” The implication being, you may have power, and you may be frightening, but there is nothing about you that is truly remarkable and there never will be, no matter how hard you try.

That all said, if we dig a little deeper, I think that Kilgrave would give Loki a lot to think about, in a way? Kilgrave suffered through medical experimentation in order to get his powers, and Loki isn’t a stranger to torture. And I think that, in a comparative sense, Loki would be somewhat reassured at the fact that he finds Kilgrave’s actions appalling. Even going through whatever torture Loki went through, he didn’t turn out like Kilgrave. Kilgrave does things that Loki would never do. (The mind control aside, but to be fair, it wasn’t entirely Loki’s choice to do that.)

Loki doesn’t enjoy violence just for the sake of it. He takes no pleasure in hurting or killing anyone and, in fact, seemed kind of repelled by it (does anyone else notice how Loki rarely looks at his foe when doing the violent thing?). Loki would never kidnap or rape anyone, and certainly not just to feel power over another person. He would never inflict torture, either.

I say this fairly confidently because the consistent thing about all the misdeeds Loki has done is that they’re internally motivated. Loki’s desire for power isn’t rooted in the need to victimize others; it’s rooted in this deep-seated self-loathing that has him convinced that power - not just any power, but the power to be a king - is the only way he will ever have any worth.

He never wanted to rule Asgard. I don’t believe he wanted to rule Midgard, either. It’s like Loki is seeking the illusion of power more than the actual power itself. He wants the worthiness and the validation; he wants to be taken seriously. He wants his own abilities, specifically his magic, to be revered as any other warrior’s skill. He just wants to be seen.

So I think on some level that Loki, when confronted with bone-deep, unapologetic, irredeemable villainy (for lack of a better word) would think, I could have been worse. Thank the norns I’m not worse.

Again, I may be completely off-base or wildly out of character - idk, I revised this like 12 times. But this is just my idea of what Loki would think of Kilgrave and I hope, if nothing else, it was interesting to read.

Would Loki be immune to his powers?

Yes. This is another thing that contributes to how Loki sees Kilgrave; his powers aren’t a threat to him personally. This is because Kilgrave’s ability is a virus.

According to Kilgrave’s Wikia:

Kilgrave’s abilities are due to “a virus that he emits through microparticles in the air. His power was revealed to be a side-effect of the viral treatment used to cure his childhood degenerative disease. His ability is always active as he cannot stop his body from producing the virus and anyone within his immediate proximity is affected” (Source).

Now, I’m no scientist, but my takeaway from this is that, because Kilgrave’s powers are literally a virus, and said viruses (viri?) have this effect on the humans around him, someone with alien biological insides (Asgardian or Jotun, for that matter) would likely not be affected in the same way, if at all.

It’s like how ebola or HIV (or covid, ugh), is potentially deadly to humans because of the way our cells respond to the virus cells. Someone who isn’t human wouldn’t have that same response. Of course, it’s entirely possible that a different effect could occur, or even possibly the virus could affect an alien but the reaction wouldn’t be as strong or overpowering. There’s no way to know for sure but, my limited understanding of science-y things leads me to believe that Kilgrave’s ability would be useless on anyone who wasn’t human. (As a matter of fact, I think that it’s revealed that Jessica was able to break free from the control because she’s enhanced and her biology is different, but I’d have to watch those episodes again.)

How could Loki cheat to defeat Kilgrave?

Considering the above answer, there would be no need for Loki to cheat; Kilgrave’s abilities wouldn’t work on him, which leaves him powerless while Loki maintains his arsenal of magic, along with the whole super-strength thing. Loki would probably just have to hit him a few times to take him out.

I’m sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate the question! Thank you! I hope that this was a decent answer overall.

#idk how well written this is #i kind of got carried away and had to delete a bunch of irrelevant stuff #but alas here we are #kilgrave #jessica jones #loki pokey artichokey #asks #charlotte replies #a nonny mouse #shit i forgot trigger warnings #tw rape mention #tw violence #tw mental illness

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brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 4 years

Text

Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

TITLE: Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 29 / ?

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-dark midnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki falling in love with a Midgardian and his words to Thor about Jane during Dark World coming back to haunt him. “It would be a heartbeat. You would never be ready.”

RATING: M for Mature

NOTES/WARNINGS: ~▪︎~FOR THE WHOLE STORY~▪︎~

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Check Masterlist. It's going to be a long read. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

!-!TRIGGER WARNING(S)!-!

So many triggers, read ALL of them!

Swearing. Angust. Death. Depression. Violence. Self-harm. Regret. Carelessness for safety. Doubts. Torture. NSFW. Smut. Fluff. And Of Course- Mischief.

Summary: Enjoyments of the holiday season with a little Mischief.

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

With a long day of training and a huge lunch, Alicia was exhausted.

Alicia was tired and smirked at Loki, "What's the plan today?"

"We have that Christmas party soon. If you feel up to it we could do some online shopping?"

Alicia set her head back down on the table, "that sounds wonderful.."

A few hours later Alicia and Loki shopped on their tablets. Loki was excitedly looking at the toys and had over 1000 dollars already in various online carts for each of the three children. Alicia was also looking for toys but Loki had decided on real horses.

"They have been raised by Asgardians, it's the perfect gift."

"Loki… no. Just get them some learning toys."

"I'm getting her a horse."

"Toy. A little toy horse."

Loki scoffed with an eye roll. "She needs to be able to ride it."

Alicia pulled up a random search engine for an old style stick with stuffed horse head. Loki looked appalled.

Alicia doubted but asked anyway, "Did you even look at learning toys?"

Loki said casually, "I already have a personal teacher scheduled for them."

"Loki! No."

Alicia groaned and dialed Susan's number as she decided back up was needed. It rang for a few moments then took the phone away from her ear as the screaming of children blared through the speaker. Loki looked a little horrified as Susan told her to hang on and she went outside to the sounds of traffic.

Susan finally paid attention to them, "What ya need?"

"Susan please tell Loki things the children need. He is going overboard with gift ideas."

Loki listened and discussed toys and things they needed.

Loki told her the outrageous ideas causing Susan to laugh and say no more than 50 dollars and to cancel the teacher because it was over his spending limit. Loki requested a list from the children themselves. He still kept adding things to the cart.

A few days later Loki had lists and a translation from Susan.

"This. I'm getting them this."

"Loki you can not get her a pony! They don't have the room."

Loki rolled his eyes and pointed to the list. "It is on her list. We can have a stable built near them with transportation. Or even move them completely."

"Loki. No."

"Then how about this one? It is smaller."

"A puppy?" Alicia sighed. She rubbed his shoulders, "You better call Susan."

Alicia listened to the conversation. Loki did not waste any time with his original plan...

"Well, Asgardians have this horse that was bred and trained by the best stable hands. And there are a few options we could go about this.."

Alicia warned Loki to knock it off with the tone used to say his name. Loki somehow convinced Susan to seriously consider the puppy. Immediately after hanging up, Loki started to call someone but she grabbed his phone. "Do not go ordering anything until Susan gets back to us."

"I am starting to wonder if you read my mind…"

The next few weeks were terrible. Missions and training to improve what went wrong but eventually with between missions and training they had some free time. It was a few days past Loki's birthday. Alicia was only able to wish him a happy birthday and safety on his mission over the phone.

She claimed she had a day planned for him today when he got back. Loki cleaned himself before going back to the tower. He wanted to hold her without the terrible smell of sweat and death. Once in her room Loki was immediately jumped by Alicia. He caught her easily and she peppered kisses all over his face as she held onto him while she smiled.

Loki shivered as she whispered, "let's do something fun."

Loki sat with her in his lap at the edge of the bed, he placed lingering kisses all over her neck, "what do you have in mind?"

Loki had a particular activity in mind, custom to Midgardian birthday celebrations...

He felt her hands on his shoulders with a little push. She smiled down at him with those beautiful freckles and warmth to her cheeks, "can we go to that little cafe a few blocks away?" Her eyes went to the window where snowflakes fell slowly, "I have not enjoyed winter yet this year. I have been outside but not to…" her eyes met his with that little gleam in her eye. "To enjoy winter with you."

Loki pushed his lips together as he tried not to smile, "how do you want to enjoy it?"

Alicia shrugged and tried not to smile, "hot chocolate?"

His fingers danced on her sides and she squirmed, "is there more to this plan?" She claimed there was not but Loki knew better, "that is a lie."

Alicia squealed as his fingers pressed firmer into her side with dramatic movements, "Loki!"

Loki's face felt worked as the smile pulled all the muscles in his face. She was trying desperately to get his fingers to stop but he kept tickling her. She was out of breath as she gasped his name. Loki stood up and put her under him. She was still giggling as she stared up at him threw crinkled eyes.

Loki smiled down at her as he rolled to his side, "I do love when you say my name… but what is your master plan?"

Her voice was higher and mumbled, "to get hot chocolate."

Loki sighed and kissed her forehead, "Am I right in my assumption that you have something planned?"

Alicia rolled away from him and off the bed. "Dress warm, we are walking."

Loki felt his eyebrows raised far higher than they ever have, "what?"

Then after getting ready…. Loki was walking with Alicia, she walked slowly with her hand holding his. The warmth of her hand restricted by both of their gloves. The snow falling gently and landing around them adding to the crunching sound beneath their feet. People were walking faster around them but Alicia kept her slow pace as she admired the snow covering all of the surroundings. Her eyes reflected the city lights but her soul's radiance out shined all of the energy of the city. She pulled him into the little cafe and stomped her feet.

The snow fell onto the mat and she brushed herself off. Loki did the same but she brushed some snow from his hair. She smiled at him as she repeated how he should have listened about a hat.

Loki smirked, "And mess up my hair?"

Alicia rolled her eyes at him with the playful grin, "diva."

Loki's eyes furrowed at the name change then his eyes narrowed slightly as his mouth opened, "No nononono. You don't EVER call me that again."

"Going to have a tantrum?"

Loki was going to say something smart back to her but the server took them to a table. Alicia ordered hot chocolates for both of them as Loki ordered some pastries for himself. Alica tried to steal some but he kept them away from her.

"Of Course I have to dramatic about my food. I am a diva after all." Loki smirked as he put a piece in his mouth. "It's my food."

Alicia tried to snatch food again, "That's the agreement though. You share your food. It is apart of my requirements for marriage."

Loki laughed as he pushed the plate slightly towards her grasp. She eyed him before reaching out towards the plate then pulled it to herself and happily finished the pumpkin flavored donut. She licked the glaze from her fingers and hummed. It made him smile when she told him it tasted amazing, no suggestive tones in place. Alicia finished her hot chocolate with a content sigh. She urged him to finish his hot chocolate with promises to cuddle, have another hot chocolate, and whatever else. Loki got his hot chocolate to go.

Alicia took him through the park to see the lights put up. Loki pulled her to him more and purred into her ear, "I'm going to think the best way to warm up is the 'whatever else.' I mean really, your body heats up wonderfully."

Alicia giggled as he let her go to throw away his cup. Then he felt a little bump on the back of his head after her quiet gasp. White snow went past his head at the small crunch of the substance. Loki sighed as she apologized that it was not supposed to hit his head. His hands formed a snowball from the thick snow along the top of a bench. He heard her giggle as she ran away. The crunching of snow got a little further then he turned and threw his ammo at her.

It landed on her shoulder and she gasped yelling it got in her scarf. She yelled at him how he was in trouble now and gathered snow again. Loki smirked as he got his own and walked leisurely over to her. She tried to throw some at him but with a slight turn of his shoulders they missed. Playful fear in her eyes and voice as she tried to back up as she gathered snow again.

She turned and he gently tossed the snowball to her head forcing a high pitched yelp that more snow went into her jacket. Loki ran to her and scooped her up. She squirmed and maneuvered so she could get him to lose balance a little but he fell dramatically. She screamed as they fell and then when Loki rolled onto her.

Loki pushed hair out of her face, "Darling I can only think of one way to warm you up." His lips gently brushed against hers.

She hummed with seemingly innocent eyes, "more hot chocolate and wrapped up in blankets?"

Loki smiled as she pressed their lips together. Loki was comfortable. The chill air blowing without snow. Alicia's warm lips and breath mingled with his. She pulled him by the neck as her tongue assaulted his. Alicia turned her head to focus on breathing. Loki smirked against her skin as she tightened her hold on his hair when he took his time to get to her neck. She pushed on his shoulders to move him back.

"Loki its cold." Alicia sheepishly looked around at the park, "and public."

Loki laughed as he pulled her up with him, "I would offer to cloak us but it is rather cold. Do you want to get a cab?"

Alicia tried to look mad but the smile pulling her lips betrayed her. "You are ridiculous. How could I trust you not to loose control? Or ACTUALLY hide that? And no. We are walking. Its only one more block."

Then she laughed and ran away. Loki smiled and chased after her. He grabbed her wrist and she spun around into his chest, Loki had to pick her up to prevent tripping. Alicia snorted and caused him to laugh at her. Her face turned red and she hid her face in his shoulder. Loki set her on the ground and kissed her head.

Alicia muttered, "not funny."

Loki chuckled into her hair, "you've done it before."

Alicia sighed and pulled away to look at the ground. Loki really thought he disappointed her and he lifted her chin. His lips were pulling down at the corners and his eyes searched hers.

"Alicia.. what is wrong? Did I cross a line?"

Alicia's lips started to smile but quickly turned upside down. "No… you are ok. It's just…" her lip trembled then she bit it and her eyes watered and she blinked forcing them to overflow. "This is the first Christmas without my dad and sister. I am supposed to make the ham for Susan's Christmas dinner but Grumpus would always help." She wiped tears away with a laugh, "Marcibeth would eat everything as we made it. Especially the honey glaze carrots." Alicia's eyes met his briefly, "she would help the kids steal food. She is going to be a terrible influence on our children."

"I can help you make food. And.." Loki hummed as he pulled her to walk, her head rested on his shoulder. "ChildREN sounds lovely."

Alicia laughed, "how many do you want?"

"A personal army."

Loki laughed at Alicia's snort as he kissed the snow covered hat still on her head.

She squeezed his arm closer to her body as they walked into the tower. "You are ridiculous."

Once in the empty elevator Loki pushed her to the wall, "Perhaps some practice is in order?"

Alicia pulled him by the scarf as she nipped to his neck. Her hands tangled into his hair that definitely felt like a mess already. She pushed him backwards and spun them to put his back against the wall. Loki gripped her hips and his hands went to her back to pull her closer. The damn elevator bounced up and down then dinged. Alicia rested her forehead into his neck but kept her body against his.

Loki watched as Pepper stepped into the elevator with a round belly. Loki could not wait until Alicia was round with his child in her womb. With how large Pepper was she looked as if she was going to burst anyday. Loki gently ran his fingers over Alicia's sides.

Pepper went to the very back of the elevator to stabilize herself as she rubbed her belly and finally noticed Loki and Alicia. "Hello you two."

Alicia turned with a smile on her face as she parted from Loki. She held her hand out and Pepper nodded. Alicia placed her hand on the bump and Pepper placed her hand firmly in one spot. Alicia's smile grew as she spoke, "how is little Morgan?"

Loki seen Pepper's hand tighten slightly on Alicia's then she spoke, "more active today."

"She is a strong little one."

Pepper gasped and her legs squeezed together, "now she's on my bladder." Pepper muttered obscenities about how often it happened.

Alicia held her hand as she eyed the numbers getting closer to their floor, "you can use my bathroom. We are almost there. Just a few more floors.."

Pepper thanked her and waddled as fast as she could through the space with Alicia close behind. Loki went to the common kitchen and got a drink. He figured he could shower with Alicia for the, "whatever else" part of the deal. He grabbed a water for hydration.

Jane stared towards Alicia's entry door, "Poor Pepper. I absolutely CAN wait for those days."

"You still have time, we haven't been successful yet." Thor's hand went to Jane's back then up to her shoulder, prompting Jane to lean into Thor. Loki met Thor's eyes and his brother spoke, "we are considering the fertility ritual."

Loki uncapped the water and took a few sips looking down. Loki cleared his throat, "well.. I heard it works remarkably well on Midgardians."

Jane covered her face, "I do not want to have sex in front of someone."

Thor stroked her hair, "It's very professional. It is just the goddess of fertility and a few of her hand picked healers."

Loki tried to ease the situation, "If it makes you feel better, that ritual is how all but two percent of Asgardian children are conceived."

Jane mumbled, "No it didn't." She kept her eyes down as she threw her hands out, "I don't like people knowing when that happens. So I am not a fan of being watched."

Pepper hurried to the elevator as she thanked Alicia. Alicia went to Loki and hugged him, she shivered and parted.

Alicia smiled, "wanna get ready for hot chocolate?"

Loki smiled, "Of Course."

Loki walked calmly to her bedroom. "Perhaps a little spice of 'whatever else' you seem to be talking about." As they walked in the bathroom Loki removed her clothes by hand just to demonstrate how cold it was.

Alicia shivered, "Just a bit to warm us up. It's a wonderful day.. today."

"Drinking hot chocolate, blankets wrapped around us as we hold each other." Loki had her in the shower and spoke against her neck.

Alicia spoke with amusement, "Watching cheesy holiday movies."

Loki felt the steamy moment ruined and parted to give her a look… "do we have to?"

Alicia smiled and rose an eyebrow, "are you denying the fact that you love dramatic shows."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Woman. We do not talk about that."

"You are right. But while we are on the list of subjects you hate... my feet are a bit sore."

Loki pressed his lips in a line and gave her an incredulous look.

Alicia smiled and pecked his lips, "I am going to make those hot chocolates."

Loki let her past and watched her wrap her robe around her body. Loki's libido took a dive so he got out shortly after as well. Loki threw clothes on and went to the kitchen where food was being placed on the table. The food near his seat was definitely prepared by Alicia.

Alicia smiled at him from over her mug, "did you think I forgot about your birthday?"

Loki chose his words carefully.. "up until this moment."

They ate with the others but once in her room again, she made quick work on his clothes as he did hers.

"Would you like if I kneeled before you?" She kissed his lips then down his body, "suck on you and served you?"

"How about you let me take you slowly?"

Alicia was already on her knees looking up at him.

"You do look breathtaking on your kne-" Loki hissed as she leaned forward to take most of him. Fuck everything. She had her hands behind her back and was only using her mouth.

Oh, her eyes. They were watching him closely. They held amusement as she took more and swallowed. His eyes threatened to close as he felt her throat massage him.

"Look at you. So eager to please." Loki grunted as she swallowed and hummed. Loki's head tilted back with a little laugh. "You and that mouth of yours. Always working me to do anything you want." Loki grabbed her hair as he started to slowly fuck her mouth. She hollowed her throat, gently sucked and let her tongue massage his cock. Loki looked down at her and she was in her own sense of pleasure. "You love when I handle you roughly." Loki fisted more hair and she moaned around his cock. "Do you love to torture me? All I want is to care for you and show you I would never hurt you. But you love when you feel the passion of a heated moment and to see me struggle with my control." Alicia hummed again and tried to take more. "You are such a greedy thing."

Loki pulled her from him but she purposely let her teeth graze him in protest. He pointed to the bed, "You will serve me by letting me have MY way tonight."

He knew she was frustrated with his gentle caresses. He still took his time and pulled slow building orgasms from her. She moaned repeatedly and kissed him as slowly as he wanted but Loki felt her struggle when her fingers tightened around his hand. She loved when he felt carnal desires for her but he loved when he could treat her body like the fragile thing it was.

Her legs wrapped around him as she whispered, "I love you. Loki, I love you."

Loki replied, as his forehead rested against hers. His slow pace kept hitting her favorite spot. "I treasure you. All I want is to worship you and leave your body glowing in all its radiant beauty. Not mark your skin and leave you pained. You are my choice to stay by my side, the only one for me. You need love just as much as you show me."

She gasped as he started to kiss her skin. Her fingers already laced with his were pinned to the bed as he treated her body the way he wanted. He worked her body so they could finish at the same time, there was something about it that felt so right.

He held her and grabbed his slightly cooled hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon on top. "This hot chocolate is delicious."

With a silly smile in place she replied, "cinnamon is the amazing spice, but I am certainly not complaining with your version." She parted and got her own mug to sip at it.

Loki used his seder so he did not have to let her go. He had the Tv on, soft blankets around them, lit the fireplace and dimmed the lights all at the same time. "Look at that. Just in time for a new movie to start." Loki planted a kiss on her head, "This is my best birthday by far."

#chapter 29 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight #loki #check triggers #check description #Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

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spootiliousrps · 6 years

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like stanner, and science bros.

You: [TW: Torture/experimentation] Tony stood in his lab absolutely horrified by the sight before him. He had never been one for boundaries (unless they were his own) but perhaps he had taken a step too far. The room was filled with the sound of a whirling machine, the sound as bone chilling as the sight of it cutting into the flesh of the man strapped to the table in the video before him. There were no screams which only made it more horrific. Why didn’t he scream? Tony should shut if off… Protect his sanity… but he had already made it through two of them… He needed to know. He needed to know how much Bruce went through during those trials. He hadn’t meant to find the videos, not entirely. He had allowed his curiosity to guide him into the sealed SHIELD files that contained backgrounds on each Avenger. Natasha’s was the most interesting; Steve’s was pretty bland; Clint’s even more so; and Thor’s was practically empty; His own held nothing he didn’t know. Bruce’s though… his was… unexpected. The experiments conducted by General Ross was gut wrenching. Tony had already had to empty his stomach once. How could such a selfless, caring man, have gone through all that? He watched as green flashed in his friend’s eyes but he never allowed the Hulk out… Why? He could have escaped… Could have destroyed everything and gotten out of there… made it all stop. The feed cut off and another immediately began. “January 14th, 1998. The subject has shown an astounding regeneration ability. Trial 7 will begin shortly in which the subject’s vital organ’s will be removed and regrowth documented.” The woman doctor stated in a monotone voice, filling Tony with such hatred that he wished he had a Hullk of his own.

Stranger: (reading, won't show typing)

You: [No worries! Thank you for reading! :3]

Stranger: "You shouldn't be watching that," Bruce said after having stepped into the lab quietly. He turned the lights on, and looked exhausted himself, but Tony looked even worse. "Those files are confidential. And though I've got nothing left to hide, it was secured for a reason." He came closer to Tony and offered a mug of tea. "Do you realize how late it is?"

You: "Bruce." Tony practically started in surprise, scrambling to close out the screen. How long had he been there? For the first time in quite a while Tony felt ashamed of himself. He shouldn't have pried into Bruce's past. To be far... he'd done it to everyone but still... He accepted the cup of tea and didn't look the other man in the eye as he stirred it, trying to focus on anything but the guilt he felt. "Thanks." He mumbled softly before taking a small sip. "Like two a.m.?" He guessed, not having the faintest idea. "Three... maybe." He shrugged. Since when had he bothered to keep track of the time?

Stranger: Bruce sighed and shook his head. "You need to rest. And I can't imagine you'd sleep too well after watching that," he said, watching Tony carefully. "I'm okay, you know. Here and now. You're keeping me safe," he said, gently putting a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Don't go trying to dig up the past, okay? Nothing good is there." He gave Tony's shoulder a light squeeze. "Come on, let's watch a movie or something to clear your head."

You: Tony's frown deepened at the comforting gesture. "How can you do that?" He asked seriously a hand lifting to rest on the outstretched elbow as if holding him there. "How can you be concerned for someone else after everything you went through? How can you just ignore it?" He had been trying to do the same... Trying to forget everything that had happened with New York and the aliens and he just... couldn't. It haunted his every waking moment. It was one of the many reasons he found himself buried in the lab night after night.

Stranger: Bruce took a deep breath and shook his head. "Like I said, that was a long time ago. I'm more interested in helping other people when I've got the chance," he said. "I can't afford to let myself get trapped in those moments. And honestly, I can't remember much of it. Only comes back in nightmares. But it doesn't matter, because I'm here, in this moment with you. Safe." He tried to put on a smile for Tony. "Don't worry about me, okay?"

You: "No. It's not okay." Tony replied, perhaps a bit more harshly than he had meant to. "How could any of that be okay?" He demanded, with a wave of his hand. He paused if considering something. "We should let Cap know... We Nat could track them down... We could destroy them. I know Clint would jump at the idea... Even Thor would offer some form of help." He mumbled more to himself than to the other men.

Stranger: "Tony, this was years ago. I doubt all of them are still alive, and the program's been shut down for a decade," Bruce said, trying to keep his tone even. "If I was driven by revenge, I'd be no better than them. Don't tell the others. I don't need more pity." He took a step back and adjusted his glasses out of nervous habit. "I'm tired of running, Tony. Please. Just let me take a break without staring new trouble."

You: That had Tony hesitating, considering the other man's words. "Pity..." He mumbled softly taking a step forward. "No one here pities you, Bruce." He reassured softly, reaching out again as if /he/ was the one in need of reassurance. "Why would we ever pity you? What you faced back then was... terrifying. You were nothing but brave and determined... Now you're nothing but selfless and kind. What's there to pity? You're the best of us Bruce. The fact that you don't want to go after these bastards is proof of that."

Stranger: Bruce shook his head, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. "I'm not a hero like the rest of you. You keep me around to make sure I don't run and to have a monster on your side in battle," he said flatly, like it was common knowledge. "I just try to help people when I can because I've killed and hurt so many innocent people. People I cared about..." He shut his eyes for a moment before he shrugged Tony's hand away. "Go get some rest, Tony."

You: "Bruce." Tony whispered almost as if in prayer. "You know that's not true." He tried to reassure, turning to block his retreat. "The Hulk is not a monster and neither are you. You've both saved countless lives. You helped me create a new enzyme that stops arterial bleeding in less than a second. The Hulk managed to catch me when I was falling to my death in the fight against Loki. Cap is just a wanna be politician in spandex, and Nat and Clint are assassins. Thor is an alien! And I... Well... I'm an arms dealer... If anyone knows what its like to try and erase the mistakes of the past its me... But you... you're not like us... You're better. You have more heart in your pinky than Capsicle could conjure up in the countless years he's been alive. You value a life more than Nat and Clint ever could combined; and you're far better than I could ever be in ever aspect..." He paused before a small smile played on his lips that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Except maybe financially." He shrugged. "But my point is you're right about one thing: You're not a hero like the rest of us... You're so much more. We're the sidekicks compared to you."

Stranger: "Don't," Bruce muttered, shaking his head. "You can't compare me to them. I'm not special or good. I'm guilty, and a coward. All of you have changed, you've become something people idolize. And I become the physical manifestation of every mistake I've ever made. Sure, it's useful sometimes. But you can't pretend I'm better than everyone because of it." He tried to push past Tony to get to the doorway.

You: Tony side stepped to cut him off once more, for once thankful of his boxing sessions with Happy. "No, you're right Bruce." He agreed. "You're not better because of it. You have always been better. With or without the Hulk you're the greatest person I've ever met. Myself included." He offered, hands going to the man's shoulders. "I just wish you could see what I do."

Stranger: "Stop that!" Bruce demanded, flinching away from Tony, shaking his head and starting to wrap his arms around himself like he wished he could be smaller. "Stop lying to me! Why are you doing this? You saw the videos. You saw what I am. What I /always/ will be. Why do you keep pretending?" He was getting more upset, but there wasn't any hint of green.

You: Tony's heart broke at that and for a moment he looked surprised at the outburst. But as quickly as it came it was gone and he was stepping forward to wrap his arms around the other man. "Have you ever known me to pretend?" He asked softly. "I have always been transparent, Bruce. Especially when it comes to you. Why would I need to start lying now." He sighed softly. "I mean every word."

Stranger: Bruce was shaking, especially in Tony's arms. He was tired of trying to argue though, and didn't fight it. Instead, he just let Tony told him and leaned into him for support. "... You're stupid," he mumbled, not having the energy to give more resistance than that. He his his face against Tony's shoulder when the tears stated to fall.

You: "Yeah... I get that a lot actually." Tony mumbled softly, holding him a bit tighter when the tears began. He buried his face in the other man's neck breathing him in as if to comfort himself. He was content to just stand there, soaking in Bruce's warmth, for the rest of eternity. The fact that the two of them had never actually been this close was not lost on him as he stood there lost in his countless emotions. They were both so cautious about anything that came to emotion that they kept their distance, contenting themselves with witty banter and science experiments, at least thats what Tony told himself. To be honest, he had no idea how Bruce felt about him and at the moment it didn't really matter... All that matter was Bruce seeing the way he felt about the other man. "Even more when it comes to you, it seems." He admitted softly, squeezing him gently.

Stranger: Bruce stayed in Tony's arms for far longer than he intended. Eventually he pulled back, wiping his eyes and sniffling. "... I'm sorry," he whispered, his face still a little red as he looked away. He didn't want Tony to see him so broken, but he was grateful for the company. "I don't know what got into me. I'll... I'll leave you to do whatever project you need to work on," he mumbled, but didn't exactly want to leave the warm embrace.

You: Tony couldn't help but give a soft have smile at the words. Only Bruce would apologize after his privacy was invaded and an argument ensued. "You don't have to." Tony offered. "I always enjoy your company, Dr. Banner." He offered face heating just slightly as he forced himself to continue. "Perhaps more than I should admit." He didn't make a move to step closer or to kiss him like he wanted to... had wanted to for a long while now. But instead kept his place. He wouldn't endanger their friendship like that... Not when Bruce was so distraught to begin with.

Stranger: Bruce took a shaky breath and hugged Tony a little tighter. "Thank you," he whispered. "... Could we maybe go somewhere more comfortable though?" He didn't quite realize what Tony was trying to say, but he was still feeling pretty raw and upset from the argument. Even if he said that the videos and experiments we in the past, they still haunted him.

You: "Whatever you want, big guy." Tony agreed, turning, arm still wrapped around the smaller man. "I wouldn't mind taking you up on that offer of a movie." He teased lightly. "I'll even let you break into my secret stash of Disney movies." He offered. "JARVIS. Popcorn." Tony ordered as he lead them forward. "Extra butter."

Stranger: Bruce managed a small smile when Tony offered the movies and he leaned into Tony's side with a sigh. "Sound great. Which one is your favorite?" He asked, glad to have a light hearted distraction. Tony was always good at spoiling him, and though he wouldn't admit it, Bruce was starting to get used to it.

You: "I don't think I should tell you. If Nat finds out then I'll never live it down." He chuckled as the door slid open. "But I suppose turn about is fair play..." He sighed over dramatically. "I personally have a soft spot for Beauty and the Best. There's nothing more attractive than a big brain." He admitted wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "That Belle is one smart cookie... Her dad is pretty awesome too. Oh... Speaking of cookies... JARV" "Of Course, Sir." The AI returned, already preparing the popcorn and drinks, and now on to the sweets.

Stranger: Bruce rolled his eyes with a small smile. "And here I was worried you had a thing for big hairy beasts," he teased. It was nice to relax again with Tony. "It's a classic though. I always liked Peter Pan. Maybe I just have a thing for running away," he tried to joke, but he knew it fell flat. "Anyway. Thanks for letting me in on your secret."

You: Tony chuckled regardless. "Well, it's not exactly the pentagon papers of secrets; but I do have a reputation to uphold." He teased as they entered the theater room. "Peter Pan isn't bad. Got a thing for tights or something?" He teased lightly, finally letting him go to move over to the wall. He pressed a button and the panel lifted revealing his massive collection of DVDs. He could have uploaded them all to a cloud but there was something about the actual presences of the movie that softened him. He had the same quirk about books.

Stranger: Bruce actually laughed a little as he settled down on the couch after grabbing some snacks. He didn't have much of an appetite, but the popcorn smelled too good to resist. "What are we watching?" He hummed, pulling a blanket closer over his lap as well. He was making himself at home already.

You: "I was thinking... Hook. Unless you have another preference?" He offered, fingers dancing over the titles. The twist on Peter Pan had all you'd ever want or need. Action, Adventure, Romance, Comedy, Drama. Plus, you couldn't go wrong with a younger Robin Williams. "You /did/ say you liked Peter Pan." He pointed out playfully.

Stranger: "Sure. I don't think I ever got to see that one anyway," Bruce said with a bit of a shrug. He ate a mouthful of popcorn while he waited for Tony to start the movie and join him.

You: Tony put in the movie before moving over to sit next to the man, perhaps a bit closer than he should have. He rest an arm on the back of the couch just as the title scene began, the trumpets filling the room. He reached over to steal some of Bruce's popcorn, doing his best not to focus on what he had witnessed in the lab. If he were being honest he knew he was going finish the video files when he got another chance. He needed to know, though he didn't know why.

Stranger: Bruce wasn't used to much physical contact, but he was able to let his guard down with Tony. He stretched a little before settling in against Tony's side, letting his head rest on the engineer's shoulder. He shared the popcorn and just let himself enjoy the movie and the comfort.

Stranger: (hey I've gotta run for an appointment soon, but would you like to continue in email?)

You: [Sure! What's your email. I'll send the log and my reply.]

#stanner #sciencebros #science boyfriends #tony/bruce #bruce/tony #omegle #rp

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demigodofhoolemere · 6 years

Text

Spoiler filled version. Seriously. You’ve been warned.

~~~

OH BOY. OH BOY. OHHHHHHHHH BOY.

I.... I cannot. I don’t know where to begin. So much happened. Some things I saw coming, some things I didn’t.

To echo my spoiler free review, it’s EMOTIONAL. I don’t think I ever stopped crying the whole movie. It started right from the get-go and did not let up until I walked out of the theater.

In regards to deaths:

- Called it that Heimdall was going to die (and that it would be him that Thor screams about), but it still wasn’t easy to watch. I adore him, especially since Ragnarok. I’m just glad that his death had weight rather than just getting killed in the same fell swoop as the rest of their people, and that he was given his due and proper recognition that he deserves because Thor was specifically avenging him when he almost killed Thanos. (Certainly better than what the Warriors Three got. Not that I’m still upset about that or anything...)

- I completely expected Loki to die, and as time went on it became clearer that it would happen quickly. While it leaves many wishes unfulfilled (like actually having a decent sized role to play or meeting other heroes and gaining some understanding from them - not necessarily forgiveness because that’s a big ask, but at least understanding - and perhaps even making friends), I can’t argue with the way they did it. I understand why they did what they did and though I’m kind of traumatized, I’m not mad like I thought I would be. My heart is very broken and I’m not sure I’ve ever sobbed quite that hard over a fictional death (and quite frankly it probably ranks as the most I’ve ever sobbed over fiction, unless I’m forgetting something, but either way it’s up there and it was certainly the most audible), and I wish there were a way to undo it but I get the feeling that this will be permanent (annoyingly driven home by Thanos immediately proclaiming that there will be no resurrections), and... weirdly enough, even though I’m destroyed, I think I can also be at peace with that because of the way it was done. He got to stick it to Thanos. He got to save his brother. He got to reclaim his identity as a son of Odin. He got his turn to brag that he’s got the Hulk on his side. I think he was very much finally back to being the Loki he used to be, the person he was in his youth with Thor, and he’s embraced that inside of him and he’s embraced fighting for what he believes in, what he cares about, and he’s back to being the voice of wisdom and even optimism (”the sun will shine on us again” fun fact I am actually a very dead person writing this). That’s all I ever wanted as an end for Loki. That said, I would not have chosen to have him choked to death. Something quicker and less painful to watch would have been preferable. The image of Loki having the life choked out of him, his veins popping and his eyes bugging out, hearing the crack of his bones, seeing his motionless body and lifeless eyes.... that’s going to haunt my dreams for a long time. Utterly horrific and I don’t think he deserved to be in that much pain in the end. He’s paid his dues, let him have a little more peace than to have his neck caved in by his torturer as he’s forced to look him in the eye as the last thing he ever sees. And seeing poor Thor crawling to his body and crying... I can’t take it. Letting Loki make his choice and have a heroic last stand, that’s emotionally satisfying, and if he doesn’t come back then I think his story ended the only way it was really bound to end and I can find peace in that (though there will 10000% be days where I will make up literally anything as an excuse to bring him back, because I’m me and I love him, and that may well end up being every day considering my emotions have been giving me whiplash for the last few hours alone). I just wish the visual were not as sickening to watch. And, I mean, while I’m discussing what I would change, I wouldn’t let him die to begin with. I love and appreciate the sacrifice, but if I could make it so he didn’t have to die at all, I’d pick that without hesitation. And if they happen to want to bring him back miraculously (unlikely but... whatever), I would be very happy. It’d have to be in a way that doesn’t undercut his sacrifice, because that was very meaningful for him as a character - though we would still know that he did choose to do it in the original version of reality, so no matter what they changed, his heart would have always been in that place anyway and that’s what matters. I care more that he lives. I’m devastated and I just want him back.

- I definitely predicted that Gamora would be kidnapped by Thanos, because there were trailer clips where she’s with Peter, Drax, and Mantis, but in clips that seemed to take place later on, she was mysterious absent. But opposite to what I expected, Gamora was definitely in much more danger than Nebula. Now, I have a feeling that we’ll still see Gamora again, but that didn’t make it less horrifying to see anyway. I love her and she was in so much anguish this whole movie, it broke my heart. Undone or not, seeing her lifeless body was awful, and so was poor Peter’s reaction to her death. He was so broken and it hurt so much to see.

- You gotta make me watch Vision die twice in the span of, like, 3 minutes? Thanks for that double heart attack. Like Gamora, I have hope that he might be able to come back, but it’s still horrifying to watch, in two different and equally traumatic ways. I don’t like seeing his body become a lifeless lump of machinery. He’s more than that.

- I expect everyone that died in the half-the-universe culling will be restored. I’d be much more concerned if so many of the ones taken away were not ones who I know come back in the future. Still awful, of course, but I definitely felt those deaths much less, because at that point, you have to undo something like that. It’s the ones who died otherwise that I’m really worried for, because even though I’m holding onto hope, I know that some things will be permanent, and it’s not likely to be the deaths of half of the entire universe.

Other emotions:

- I was wondering if that Asgardian distress signal was Loki, it was just too staticky for me to be sure (and you KNOW the audio really is scratchy when I’m not completely certain that I’m hearing Tom Hiddleston’s voice), but apparently it really was him which really really hurts. EDIT: I forgot exactly what he said in the distress signal and HOLY CRAP I’M HURTING EVEN WORSE. “Please, help us, there are families on board, innocent people, children.” KILL ME!!!!

- Seeing more of Gamora’s backstory and seeing her let all of her emotions loose absolutely wrecked me.

- I loved seeing Thor finally break down after all he’s lost. Totally broke my heart, and really puts in perspective how alone he is now. I loved that Rocket was trying so hard to help him find something good that he could still have left, and genuinely listened to him.

- What is it with one half of a couple asking the other one to kill them?! First Gamora with Peter, then Vision with Wanda. You’re killing me here, guys, I’m not strong enough for that kind of angst.

- My levels of ‘oh man Tony could die’ have fluctuated a lot over time, and going into the movie now I honestly couldn’t tell you one way or the other whether I expected him to live or not, but seeing him stabbed was TERRIFYING. In a weird way I also sort of figured they’d find a way to fix it, which is completely contradictory to my concerns for his life, but for some reason when it came down to the moment, despite my horror, I felt like they wouldn’t go through with it, which I’m endlessly thankful for (he could still die in Avengers 4 but I’m not going there). I’ve never been so indebted to Stephen (it feels a little like Luke Alvez on Criminal Minds, in that he keeps doing awesome things to protect other characters and it just makes you go ‘oh thank goodness, that’s another one I owe you my life for’). I relate to Stephen because I, too, would risk half the universe for Tony Stark. (And I was very glad to see him have a difficult time when actually faced with the choice between the universe and an individual - he’s a very logical and moral character and he has to have his priorities, but the way he’d previously stated that he wouldn’t hesitate was insensitively worded and just didn’t feel right, because the core of Stephen’s character is the desire to preserve life, no one is any less important than others. He is first and foremost a doctor, and he wouldn’t be able to stand by and watch someone die if there was something he could do. Even if he chooses the majority in the end, he would still have serious struggle.) Of course, I totally think that Stephen giving over the Time Stone was not only about Tony, and definitely about reaching the outcome where they win. His last words were, “There was only one way,” (or something to that effect, I don’t trust my memory for exact dialogue) which tells me that he saw that doing this would eventually lead to something that would end up saving them.

- Steve watched Bucky die again. Rocket watched Groot die again. Okoye watched her king and friend die. The Guardians watched each other die. Everyone watched people they cared about be decimated to flakes. Thanks for that.

- WHEN PETER WAS THE LAST TO GO AND HE WAS JUST CLINGING DESPERATELY TO TONY AND CRYING THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO GO, HE WAS JUST A VULNERABLE CHILD BEGGING FOR THE COMFORT OF A FATHER, I CAN’T I CAN’T

- TONY’S WORST FEAR IS EVERYONE DYING WHILE HE HAS TO LIVE WITH IT AND NOW IT’S HAPPENED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES

- I just can’t help but feel ill for Tom Hiddleston, I know how much he loves and genuinely cares for and empathizes for Loki, how much of his soul he’s poured into him. I can’t imagine how he must feel to say goodbye to the character and especially to film that scene.

Character interactions:

- Character interactions were so so good. Old friends got to have more time together and lots of new dynamics were created. I truly appreciate the attention given to these relationships, because this is a very character-driven movie, and cinematic universe, and the only way this was gonna work was to work with the characters not just as individuals but as friends and allies. There were a couple of dynamics that I’d have liked to see more of (specifically Stephen and Peter P, because their friendship in comics is so sweet and longstanding and I was just expecting more than there was), but I’m very pleased with what we got.

- Wanda and Vision are faves of mine and seeing them together always makes me happy (until it makes me sad, of course). I loved the development of their relationship, they’re so precious and they made me cry so many times.

- I loved what was done with Peter and Gamora. They kissed, they said their ‘I love you’s, there was such deep understanding and partnership between them, and it got so emotional so many times. It’s all I could have asked for.

- Never expected to have a new brotp of Thor and Rocket but I love it. It was interesting to see their different humors come together, and especially lovely to see more emotional moments.

- Tony and Stephen is probably the dynamic I was most looking forward to and I wasn’t disappointed. Their bickering was a lot of fun, and they got to have some wonderful serious moments as well. All in all, the start of a beautiful Awesome Facial Hair Bros relationship.

- Gamora and Nebula’s concern for each other just destroyed me.

- Thor and Loki also killed me of course. Some things never change with time and my feelings about those two is one of those.

- I’m so glad they expanded upon Stephen and Wong’s friendship! Such casual and domestic stuff like needing money for food or sharing a favorite ice cream flavor. Exactly what I wanted.

- Tony and Peter P being father and son messes me up so much, I love them.

- Absolutely adored the dynamic between Wanda, Okoye, and Natasha. Gonna need more of this friendship.

- Lots of other things that I might add when I remember them

Things that shocked me:

- Clint genuinely was not in this movie. When the Russos said they’ve planned a long game for him I kind of figured it would be part of this, not just Avengers 4. Even just five seconds of screentime? End credits scene? No Scott either? Ok then. I guess the big secret of why they’re not in trailers or on posters actually is because they’re literally not in it at all.

- Speaking of the end credits scene, I lost my freaking mind and nearly shrieked out loud when I saw the Captain Marvel logo. I figured it had to be her that Nick was calling. I’m so glad that Carol is coming, I can’t even express it.

- RED SKULL?!?! My jaw has never dropped so low so quickly. I wondered if he would ever come back in the future but this was totally unexpected.

- By some sort of complete and total miracle, Steve LIVED. He was the one I was most geared up to lose, and I still fully expect him to die in Avengers 4, but for now he’s actually freaking alive which is truly the last thing I ever saw coming, and quite the relief. Nothing makes you appreciate a character quite like thinking they’re going to die.

- Have to say, I expected Ebony Maw to be a bigger problem. Not that I’m disappointed, I’m glad he’s out of the way so I don’t have to worry about him anymore, but I was really expecting them to pull something where Stephen gets taken over by him like the Infinity comics. Good for Stephen though, so I’m certainly glad to be wrong in this case.

Hope:

- Unless Avengers 4 undoes it, which doesn’t feel likely, I don’t have much hope for Loki outside of my very anxiously pretending that he can get up and walk it off, but while logic says his chances are slim, the rest of me can’t say goodbye to him just yet and I can’t write him off as permanently dead until Avengers 4 does whatever it does. There’s a long shot possibility that is him suddenly having the ability to create tangible copies and so it could be a copy that he sent to make Thanos think he’s killed Loki and meanwhile the real one would be out looking for help and going unsearched for because they wouldn’t know to search for him. Obviously a long shot that requires suspension of disbelief in regards to his powers, and I’m sure it won’t happen, but to save him I’d totally be willing to overlook a nonsensical solution. Have Stephen go back in time far enough that it can be changed. I don’t care. If they wanted to, I think you could find a way to do it without being ridiculous. He did disappear for a few minutes and suddenly came back to talk to Thanos when he could’ve left (not that he’d leave Thor, though, unless he knew EXACTLY what he was doing). No matter what happens, this stuff is definitely what I’m gonna use when I find myself needing to pretend that he’s fine. (I do wonder if part of the reason I’m somehow calm about it at the moment even though it so thoroughly destroyed me is because my emotions about it were way too strong and now my mind is trying to reject reality in order to protect itself.)

- Gamora could still come back if Thanos is able to do it, or if it gets undone by whatever the heck is happening in Avengers 4. I sincerely hope so, because she doesn’t deserve what happened to her at all. Now that she finally has family and people who love her and would never hurt her, she should not have to just be used as a sacrifice by her abusive “father”.

- They seemed to be setting up the idea that Vision can survive without the Mind Stone, and Shuri was working on the way to achieve it, so there’s still a chance that she could somehow revive him. The grayscale and the chunk out of his forehead looks bad, but it’s potentially fixable, 1) because it’s Shuri and 2) because while Vision is very human, his body is still mechanical, and machines can be rebooted.

- Again, I expect that the folks who crumbled away will be brought back. You can’t really pull something like that without undoing it.

Miscellaneous:

- I really liked how many shots looked like they could have just been live action comic panels. One thing that stuck out to me in particular was Drax as a pile of parts and Mantis as a ribbon. Totally the kind of insanity you’d find in the pages of a comic.

- Loved seeing Stephen’s various uses of magic. So much of it felt and looked VERY comics-like. My favorite has to be him sitting cross-legged in midair, because he does that so constantly in comics and it made me so happy to see come to life. I almost missed what Tony and Peter Q were talking about because I was just so happy looking at Stephen floating in the background. And he had that more eloquent way of speaking as well. “Hither to undreamt of” is totally something he’d say.

- Those ten seconds of Stephen in comfy, casual clothes. I always forget that he would actually ever wear anything but that same outfit anymore.

- That brief interaction between Bucky and Rocket made my entire life.

- “Wong, you’re officially invited to my wedding!”

- I loved Rhodey sticking it to General Ross.

- SOME SERIOUS IRON BABY FORESHADOWING, DON’T LET ME DOWN AVENGERS 4

- Loved seeing Gamora singing to the music, so sweet.

- Peter Parker is adorable. Nothing to add. He’s just precious.

- Sam was a gift as always.

- I love that Mantis has been told the story of the great hero Kevin Bacon. Also that was so cute with the Peters talking about Footloose, though it quickly becomes disheartening for poor Peter Q.

- I loved the moment between T’Challa and M’Baku and that they consider each other brothers now.

- My love for the Cloak of Levitation knows no bounds. (Here’s a question: did the Cloak disappear because Stephen was wearing it, or did it just happen to be part of the half anyway?)

- I love seeing Bucky having adjusted to a more Wakandan way of living and actually being healthy and happy and SMILING. He’s finally becoming himself again and I’m so happy for him.

- Soul Stone finally revealed!

- Very interested in whatever the heck is happening with Bruce and Hulk. And I’m glad that they finally seem to be confirming that they are two separate beings, because the rest of the MCU up to this point has been really unclear about that, they go back and forth on what the case is.

- Also very interested in further interactions between the survivors. Tony and Nebula sounds like a fascinating dynamic and I can’t wait to see how they figure out a way to get off of Titan, and you’ve got characters like Rocket and Thor who have completely lost their families and are now stuck in Wakanda with the interesting assortment of remaining Avengers.

- I just can’t wait to see what the heck happens in Avengers 4, especially what parts the remaining characters have to play and particularly the ones who had little screen time or weren’t present at all.

- There’s a certain satisfaction in Tony finally being proven right about future alien threats.

- Also GREAT satisfaction in other characters finally learning about and acknowledging that Thanos was behind New York.

- “I am Groot.” “I am Steve Rogers.”

- It’s hilarious and adorable to me that Groot-speak is genuinely an elective language class on Asgard and that Thor took it.

- So awful seeing Nebula pulled apart, and to realize the extent of her replacements.

- Such cruel irony that Stephen gets tortured by what was designed to be a surgery tool.

- TONY JUST BEING A WONDERFUL PERSON AND TAKING THE TIME TO HELP A WOMAN UP AND MAKING SURE THE GUY WHO CRASHED HIS CAR GOT HELP, I LOVE HIM

- Will probably add more

~~~

This movie was completely heartbreaking, for sure. But it was done in a way that respected the characters and their stories, and for that I can’t be as upset as I expected to be. I’m weirdly at peace with what happened, despite the effect it’s all had on me (probably shock). There are things I expect to be undone in Avengers 4, and things that most likely will not, and much as that pains me I think, shockingly, I might actually be able to handle it (eventually, I’m still reeling right now) because of the way they did everything. This was really a very good movie and I’m glad that my faith in the Russo brothers’ ability to pull such a thing off was not misplaced. The plot was fascinating, the pacing was excellent, the acting was incredibly moving as always. Aside from the pain, and somehow even during the pain at times, I actually had a good time.

#marvel #avengers: infinity war #infinity war p1 #iw post #spoilers #marvel spoilers #infinity war spoilers #review #i should not be awake right now but my head would explode if i didn’t write this all down while it’s fresh

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ao3-hipster-fangirl-trash · 6 years

Text

For Pity XV

Masterlist

Overall Summary: Sigyn, queen of Vanaheim, is gifted a consort by the Allfather of Asgard, unknown to her, said consort happens to be his adopted son; Loki, and the only reason he was ‘gifted’ was that he should be someone elses’ problem.

Chapter Summary: Loki explains to Sigyn exactly why Thor thinks he's dead, and a few other things.

Word Count: 1387

Note: Inspired by @nanihoosartblog and her awesome loki x sigyn consort AU! go and check it out!

btw if you want more frequent updates for this story here’s my ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholocked_wizard

Notes: Fluff?

“Beg your pardon?”

Loki’s eyes had yet to dry of tears, still they pursued through his slightly life changing revelation.

“He doesn’t know I’m alive and, well… blue.”

Sigyn sighed and drew back slightly, not to distance herself from fear, but rather to be able to see him more clearly and gauge his reaction, fearing certain questions may trigger him again.

“Why exactly does he think you’re, well, dead?” Loki took in a deep, shaky breath, trying his best to compose himself from the conversation which was to arise.

He pulled Sigyn back, who had just gone to the standing position, and brought her to him so that his head was resting in her stomach, trying its best to stop the tears of both guilt and fear which were still flowing freely, despite his somewhat even breathing. She stood above him, and began to untangled his raven locks, which she found had a habit of hiding his face, should they want to.

“I made a mistake.” He whispered into her gown, carrying the words almost like a secret.

Sigyn made no move to stop him, but none to egg him on either. Should he want to speak of it he would.

“I was supposed to die, I had been stabbed, I thought I was dead, turned out not.” Alright, he did want to speak of it.

Sigyn kept brushing her hands through his hair, endlessly curious of where this story was to go, and somewhat horrified that the opening line was of death and mutilation, and yet she kept silent, not wanting to disturb him in any way.

“We were trying to stop a catastrophe, we were on Svartalfheim, fighting dark elves whom were hell bent on universal darkness, and Thor’s lover seemed to have found possession of an infinity stone,” he took a breath, before continuing, “and so she was to be a weapon. We fought, I came against a cursed whom I stabbed.”

His words were becoming strained, his breathing beginning to pick up pace again. Sigyn dropped to be lower than him so she could look in his teary eyes. They were completely unfocused and staring at a place which didn’t exist.

She took his hand in hers, trying to give some sort of comfort, which he acknowledged by applying pressure to it, in order to reassure himself of reality.

“He stabbed me.” Sigyn felt her breath hitch, trying her hardest not to imagine Loki, lying on the barren grounds of Svartalfheim, injured and bleeding to death, and yet all she could see was the wound, the fear.

“And, you survived?” He took in another shaky breath, managing to compose himself.

“A scout found me, dragged me back to Asgard and presented me to the king.” She could feel him shaking, not wanting to continue past that point. She got the general idea, he pretended to die and a now morally corrupt Odin, grieving his wife and lacking a son, decided to take his grief out on his ‘son’. She didn’t need to hear the details of it, and nor would she ever force Loki to tell such things.

He opened his mouth to continue but all that came out was silence, his eyes were screwed shut and he had stopped breathing, trying to repress the sobs which were threatening to overtake him once more.

Instead of calming him, Sigyn let a wave of sadness engulf them both, finding it more necessary for him to grieve what had happened rather than repress, leading to him sobbing into the shoulder of her gown, both of them sat on the floor and holding one another as if their lives depended on it.

He simply cried, for as long as necessary. Sigyn did not fuel the sadness, finding that he only needed that small push to allow himself to feel, and instead decided to remain with him in her arms till he tired himself out or stopped crying, whichever came first.

Whilst he cried, he choked out incoherent phrases, the clearest being: “Mother, it was all my fault,” before another wave of despair hit him harder that the hammer his brother wielded.

His tears seemed to be infinite, along with the list of crimes he professed in her ear in almost complete gibberish, however more than once she heard the words ‘it hurt too much’ and more than once she heard talk of murders, or accidental deaths, however every time he said it, it seemed to weigh him down more than relieve him, possibly because talking of it, sharing it with Sigyn was more of a punishment to himself, rather than an atonement.

Because when confessing to a priest, the priest can’t leave.

He knew full well the more he confessed, the more likely she was to leave, yet he couldn’t stop speaking. He spoke of his torture induced Midguardian murder spree, and how he had never felt more disgusted with himself than when his body, contradicting his screaming mind, had raised a weapon against a brave old man. He spoke of how scared he was when he first woke up after his attempted suicide by falling down a black whole. He spoke of so many things which burdened him, and whilst it lightened his guilty gut, his heart became heavier and heavier with the fear she would stand and walk away, for fear of disgust of him.

He was certain that she could barely understand the verbal mess which was exiting him at over 100 miles per hour, but he was certain he heard her breath hitch when he spoke of his mother, and her death.

Eventually, he tired himself out, every word that had left him had taxed him more than the last, his tear ducts had run out of liquid to lose and his whole body was shaking from sheer exhaustion. He had tucked himself into Sigyn’s still present arms, enjoying simply laying on her whilst she still ran her hand soothingly through his hair. His eyes were heavy and yet he refused to let them close.

He nuzzled his forehead into her neck, trying to get comfortable, and enjoying how she brought her hands around his waist and drew him closer to her.

“Do you want to go to bed?” The gentle nod of his head registered on her collar bone.

Sigyn sighed and adjusted her grip so that it was under his arms, and tried hoisting him up, only to have him whine slightly and wrap his arms around her neck, and his legs around her hips. He nuzzled back into her neck, seemingly asserting that, whilst he wanted sleep, he didn’t need a bed to do so.

Instead of complaining, Sigyn adjusted her grip yet again and wrapped her arms around his waist, before standing up and carrying a very clingy Loki with her, whom was either laughing in her neck or sniffing, most likely laughing.

She laid him down on the bed, only to find he refused to let go, and instead tightened his grip, bringing her down on the bed in an odd yet comforting embrace.

“Loki?” He groaned into her neck, almost slumbering.

“Loki I have to change.” His grip tightened more.

“Don’t go.”

She froze, stopping her attempts to dislodge him from her, and instead remained completely still. She tried her best not to put all of her weight on Loki and instead of pulling away, rewrapped her arms around him and pulled herself onto the bed once more, curling around him protectively.

“Alright.”

She brought her chin on to his forehead and rested there, holding him ever closer to her body. She felt him shift slightly, his legs curling into his body rather than wrapped around hers, leaving him in the foetal position with her embracing him.

“Would I have to meet him?” His voice was sleepy, almost not registering the question asked.

“Not necessarily, if you want you can stay here.” She buried her face in his hair, allowing herself to relax into the embrace.

He sighed and shook his head.

“He has to know at some point, I suppose.”

Sigyn hummed in agreement, letting sleep begin to sink its claws into her.

“About you being alive, or that you’re.. blue?”

She heard a chuckle and felt him look up towards her.

“Both, I supposed.”

#loki #loki fanfiction #loki headcannon #marvel fanfiction #marvel headcannon #marvel #loki x ofc #loki x ofc headcannon #loki x ofc fanfiction #loki x sigyn #loki x sigyn fanfiction #loki x sigyn headcannon #sigyn #sigyn fanfiction #sigyn headcannon

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delriddlesblog · 6 years

Text

Here's for anybody who might me interested

A rather darkish hurt/comfort fanfic I wrote after finally watching Thor: Ragnarok.

Summary: Loki had to do some 'things' to gain the Grandmaster's favour. It still haunts him. Thor notices and forces him to talk.

Warning: implied rape, rather angsty, ragnarok spoilers, sad Loki, traumatised Loki, Comforting Thor, brotherly acceptance.

Word count: 2k+ (slightly over 2k actually. I lost count while editing)

So, here it is.

'Loki, I need to talk to you.' Thor entered his brother's chambers aboard their new home, their escape vessel. It had taken a few days to get things settled properly, and he hadn't been able to talk to his brother in the mean time.

'What is it Thor?' Loki was sitting on his bed, reading, with his back resting against the wall and feet in front of him.

'There is something that has been bothering me.'

'And you believe like every other time it's me?'

'No,no. Not that! Let me finish.' Thor walked down to Loki's bed and the latter shifted his feet to allow him to sit.

'It is about that planet Sakaar. I want to know about your dealings with the Grandmaster.'

Loki turned slightly red at the mention of the name of the grandmaster. 'And how can that be bothering you brother?'

'Maybe it's not directly bothering me, but it is bothering you. You sometimes seem like you're not the Loki I knew, after coming back from there.'

'Is it now? What do you want me to do? Turn into a snake and stab you again?'

Thor gave a small smile, a small spark of unfelt joy finding a place in his heart at the mention of the incident.

'It isn't that simple anymore, is it?'

'Of course not.'

'But you have to speak out. That grandmaster was a lunatic! How did you manage to earn his favour?'

'It is a rather long story, and I wouldn't want to waste the king's time on it.' Loki shut the book he was reading and got up from the bed to go and stand by the window. Thor followed.

'I have enough time for you. You know that.'

'Thor, please-'

Thor grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him down with his back pressed firmly against the window. Loki didn't try to move, but if looks could kill, Thor would be seriously injured. His eyes weren't as sharp as they usually were.

'Look Loki, you have to tell me!'

'Why, may I ask?'

'I need more motivation to find and kill that man.'

'So cutting your hair wasn't motivation enough?' Loki tried to flash a smile, but wavered under Thor's stern gaze.

'Loki, I'm serious. Am I not your brother? Will you not talk to me? Loki I have seen how you behaved around him, I've seen how you still turn red at his mention. There is something you're hiding brother. So, how did you manage to be in good terms with that man?

Loki couldn't look into his brother's eyes. His head hung low as he spoke in a hushed whisper, 'Fine. You won't let me hide it, will you. I'll tell you.' he took a shaky breath, then in an even lower voice he spoke again, 'he used me.'

'Used you brother? What does that mean?' there was a tone of alarm in his voice.

If Loki's head could drop any lower, it would have. With his voice still a barely audible whisper he spoke, 'When I landed on his planet, I was found by his henchmen and given to him, the very same way you did. I didn't qualify as a fighter, but he gave me a proposal, he would let me live, live the life of a prince, if I surrendered myself to him. As long as I gave in to all of his wicked desires, as long as I gave him total control over me, he'd let me live.'

'So, he turned you into a slave....' Thor's grip on his shoulder loosened and with one hand he reached out to touch his poor brother's face. Whatever he did live through on Sakaar was sure to never stop haunting him. He cupped his brother's chin and raised it to look at his face. He was shaking slightly, his face red with his eyes tight shut, but Thor could see the droplets in the corner of his eyes.

It pained Thor to see his dear brother like this. Maybe he could never understand the full extent of his brother's trauma, but he knew it wouldn't have been easy for somebody the likes of Loki to surrender himself as a slave to somebody else...

The tears finally rolled down Loki's cheeks. He reached one hand out to touch Thor's hand which was still gripping his shoulder.

'You wanted to know brother? I'll tell you. I'll tell you about everything. Then maybe you'll kill me of shame after I failed doing so myself.'

'Do not say such things brother, you know I can never truly think of killing you.'

'Maybe now you will.'

'Broth-'

'I wasn't just any slave, Thor... I was... I was his ...' Loki couldn't bring himself to say the word... Thor's concern grew. What had that man done to his delicate brother!

'He ... He made me... Into a ....wh-wh-whore' saying the words he started to sob, tear after tear rolling down the sharp but delicate contours of his face, his body shaking, with fear, with shame, with so much more that he could never explain.

Thor was silently staring at him. There was something in his eyes that Loki couldn't quite identify. The fact that Thor did not pull away from him immediately, but kept his grip on him steady, maybe even held on a little tighter, gave Loki enough courage to keep talking to his brother.

'When I landed on Sakaar, it was his own ship that found me among the rubble. I was brought in just like you were, but I was no fighter; so he find other uses for me.... more.. personal uses. In the beginning I refused! Believe me brother, I resisted! But he was too powerful, it was his planet, I was the helpless alien, stranded, at his mercy. I would have died instead of enduring such shame, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me die, he wouldn't let me live, he slowly took control of me, of my total being. He would pour drugged concoctions down my throat and put me in chains and slowly break me. Bit by bit. Till I was absolutely broken. Under his control. I don't know what all he put inside me, all sorts of odd drinks and drugs. All his experiments, he tried out on me! I couldn't take it. Believe me brother, after the Chitauri, I had thought I would be able to hold my own against him, but I was wrong. He was worse... All sorts of terrible nightmares, awake or asleep wouldn't stop haunting me, he would use me whenever he wanted, however he wanted. Leaving me too broken and helpless to do anything .... I had felt there was no escape from that Hell. Whenever I tried to defy him, he would just drug me and torture and ...r-rape me and leave me to my shame and misery. I finally broke after a few weeks. Only then did some of the torture stop, only then did those horrifying drugs stop.... But he continued to ... to use me.. my body...' he was visibly shaking, and openly sobbing. It was as if speaking out about what he'd been through gave him the confidence to let his guard down before his brother, which he hadn't done since..... he really couldn't remember. He reached forward and wrapped both his arms around his brother's larger frame, crying into his shoulder.

Thor was unsure of what to do. He had always wanted to see Loki in his purest form, without all those walls and barriers around him, without all the spite and anger surging through him; but now that the fragile thing that his brother was, or had become, was in front of him he was unsure of what to do. He wrapped his arms around Loki, his smaller, leaner frame easily covered completely by his own. Thor's mind still trying to grasp all that his brother had just spilled before him. What he had revealed was disturbing indeed. He swore to himself that he would hunt down that man and slowly torture him to death. He placed a gentle hand on Loki's head in an effort to comfort him, though he wasn't sure if it was enough ..

Loki spoke in between sobs, 'I thought that is how my life would end, as his... his wh-whore.... Serving him with my body till my last day. I had given up all hope brother. I thought I might as well try to meddle in, seeing there was no escape for me... Till you came along. I assure you brother, I have never been more relieved to see you. Seeing you there was , it was like the last dying spark of hope inside me, the last glowing ember, had found a new reason to go on burning. Maybe not willingly, but I knew you would help me. Maybe you could never trust me, but I knew I could bet my life on you.... Even now, when it's all in the past, I'm far away from that, from him... It still haunts me brother, all that he put me through, I fear it's shadow will never leave me. It's too hard, too hard to forget. I feel so horrible, so disgusted with myself, for stooping so low just to survive, for still being standing here, living, for all that I let happen to myself... For- for everything...' Loki's grip on his brother tightened as he poured the entirety of his heart out to his brother. Maybe he could never forget, but knowing that his brother knew, somehow made the load of his shame and guilt slightly easier to carry.

Thor held on to his brother as he sobbed on his shoulder, then slowly started to rock him back and forth, as their mother had once done when either of them was crying, or sick, or just upset. Then, he did something that he probably hadn't done since they were children. He slowly shifted his shoulder from under his brother's shoulder so that he was forced to look up, and softly, very gently kissed his forehead. This action seemed to take him by surprise.

Thor then put his brother's head back on his shoulder, and still gently rocking him back and forth, he spoke in the most soothing voice he could manage, 'Brother, do not blame yourself for this. It isn't your fault. It is not you who is to be blamed, you were not in control of anything that man did to you. Your actions were what was necessary to survive. Believe me brother, even after all that has been between us, I would have come for you. Though it was fortune that brought us together this time, remember this, Never will I abandon you again; I had been foolish enough to do that before, and have learnt my lesson. We may not always be on the same path brother, but remember this, I have always loved you, and will always love you. You are my little brother, do not try to deny it, and no matter what happens that will never change. You are my only family left, and I promise, I'll be through Hell and back to protect you.'

Loki had stopped sobbing, but the only noise he made was his unsteady raspy breathing. He slowly raised his head and looked into his brother's bright blue eyes. And looking into them, he knew. He knew he was safe, he was secure.... but most of all.... he was loved. His thin lips curved into a weak smile.

Thor saw the small flicker of a smile on his brother's tear stained face, and he could feel his own heart lighten up. He knew that smile. That small innocent smile that Loki had smiled last many ages ago. Thor smiled back.

'Loki, I understand how hard it is for you. Maybe what you say is true, maybe you'll never truly be able to forget ... But we'll share this burden of yours. I swear on my life brother, I will live up to what you need of me, I will not abandon you again. Maybe we cannot change the past, but what we can do is stand by each other.... and you're never truly alone. I'm here for you.'

'Thor... Brother.'

'Brother.

Constructive criticism welcome. Please feel free to comment. This is my first real fanfic. I just hope it's worth reading.

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andtheywereroom-mates · 3 years

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imprisoned

“Loki, son of Laufey—”

The god in question is knelt upon a raised platform, chained and bloody, bound at his wrists, feet, and neck and restrained by two unmoving guards before a crowd of furious Asgardians. He’d been beaten before he was brought here, Dagny is sure, probably tortured for information that he could not give. She strains against Sigyn’s vicelike grip trying to assess the damage, panic rising in her throat like bile.

“For your crimes against this Realm—”

A general cry erupts in the hall, mixed voices of both support and denial from the surrounding crowd, though Loki’s face betrays nothing. Undeterred, the representative presses on.

“—you have lost your right to trial. Your fate will shortly be decided. Take him away.”

The two guards drag Loki roughly to his feet. Dagny opens her mouth to scream in protest, but a hand is pressed to her mouth and an insistent, irresistibly strong arm crosses her body, dragging her out of the crowd whose frenzy has reached an even higher pitch. She is powerless against Sigyn’s strength; for all that she is half a goddess, she cannot compare to the real, full-blooded thing. She does not see what becomes of her father as she is pulled from the hall.

Sigyn releases her in a side corridor, and Dagny shoves her away, shaking, eyes wild. “Why did you do that? I need to get back in there, he needs me!”

“No.”

“Fuck you!” Dagny screams in an uncommon display of irreverence. “No? My father’s in danger and you expect me to—?”

Sigyn is implacable, blocking her re-entrance into the hall. “Your father entrusted me with your safety, and right now, that means getting as far away from here as possible. We have to go.”

“We have to help him, who knows what they’ll do, he couldn’t have done this, there’s no way—”

“Dagny . . .”

“My father and uncle may have had their differences, but he couldn’t . . . he couldn’t have . . . not this!” Dagny’s hands are balled in ineffectual fists, battering against Sigyn’s shoulders as if against a wall of stone. “Please, you have to believe me! He needs my help!”

“Dagny,” Sigyn grabs her wrists in steady hands, a pillar of strength as Dagny’s life collapses around her. “Calm yourself. I can get you to him. But we need to be smart. First, I need you to breathe.”

Dagny does so, deep and grounding, fighting with everything she has to keep the tears from spilling over, to reign in the hysteria that has a vice around her heart. As soon as it seems that she is once again in control of herself, Sigyn releases her.

“It is imperative that we stay out of sight. I can get you to see him, but we don’t have much time. And afterwards, you’ll have to leave this Realm.”

Dagny cannot find it within herself to argue, all her thoughts bent upon her father and reaching him by whatever means necessary. Everything else could wait.

Deep in the bowels of the palace resides the dungeon, with its dark hallways and glowing barriers. This is not the first time that Sigyn has seen her husband in one of these cages, but that does nothing to soften the blow as she steps from the shadows of a hidden passageway towards his cell. Before she can truly assess the damage that has been done to him, a solidly built body steps in front of her, blocking her path.

“Brunnhilde,” Sigyn says, assessing the last of the Valkyrie who stands before her. Her arms are crossed, eyes narrowed as she, too, sizes Sigyn up, as if she could discern her motives simply by looking at her.

“Sigyn,” Brunnhilde replies, softening. She glances over her shoulder, though there doesn’t seem to be anyone around. “Listen, I know things can’t have happened the way they’re saying. But it’s complicated. If you take him, we can’t guarantee anyone’s safety—”

“I know. That’s not it. It’s Dagny. She needs to see him before I can convince her to get out of here.”

The Valkyrie throws another look over her shoulder. “I can buy you some time, but that’s it.” She looks past Sigyn’s shoulder to where the young Lokidottir is hiding in the shadows. Her expression seems almost sad. “Make it fast.”

Sigyn nods as Brunnhilde steps aside, moving down the corridor to keep watch for them. She crosses to the cell in a few short strides, her hand finding purchase in the stone to release the hidden mechanism that would open the magical barrier and allow access. She nods her head quickly, and Dagny rushes past her into the cell, offering a quick ‘thank you’ as she passes.

Inside the cell, Loki is bound against the wall in a sitting position, shackles at his neck and wrists. He’s half slumped in on himself, head lolling down and to the side, his long, tangled hair obscuring his face. He is bloody and bruised, barefoot and dressed only in a torn shirt and pants. It is not the worst he’s ever looked, but it’s certainly the worst his daughter has ever seen him.

“Papa?” Dagny says, kneeling before him. Her voice sounds small, like it did when she was young. She suddenly feels like no more than a child in the face of overwhelming unfairness, of her world dissolving beneath her feet.

Loki stirs weakly, lifting his head to meet her gaze with bruised, red-rimmed eyes that instantly soften with recognition when he realizes who it is before him.

“Dagny,” he rasps through parched lips, voice hoarse from — what?

Screaming, probably, though Dagny quickly pushes such a horrifying thought from her mind. She reaches out a hand to comfort, soothe, only to withdraw it with a hiss when it meets the metal of the shackles, her fingers blue and burned. Her eyes narrow as she realizes: the shackles are heated. Not that much, not enough to harm anyone but those of Jotun blood, whose sensitivity would make them nigh-unbearable. Her resolve steels into flint at her core, everything within her hardening with a hatred she didn’t know she was capable of.

Dagny calls on the ice in her veins, swirling frost encircling her fingertips, staining them that familiar blue, and reaches towards the shackles once more, this time with intent. She can cool them, temporarily, to a manageable level. It won’t last, but it should offer at least the smallest bit of relief for her father. The only thing she can offer him.

Loki sighs, not quite with relief, but with the absence of pain. It’s a sound that Dagny recognizes; he’s made it often enough.

“Dagny,” he repeats, softer this time, eyes full of some unnamable emotion.

“Papa,” she says again, forcing a reassuring smile onto her face.

“What are you doing here?” His green eyes blaze into hers, intense despite how weak he seems. He strains slightly against his shackles as he attempts to sit up, to focus on her, to regain some semblance of parental control. “You can’t be here, it’s not safe; where is Sigyn, where—?” He winces against the restraints as his wrists twist within them, already rubbed raw.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Dagny rushes to reassure him. She knows they don’t have much time. “Aunt Sigyn brought me here, she’s standing watch, we’re leaving soon, I promise I’ll go, I just—” she bites her lip, fighting back tears. She will be strong, for him. She’ll be strong for them all. “I had to see you.”

Loki stills, eyes tight. Before he can open his mouth to say anything, to defend himself, to assume that Dagny could ever doubt him, she rushes on.

“I know you can’t have done this, father, I know you,” Dagny’s eyes burn with conviction, and Loki could almost cry with the fierce pride and love he feels for his daughter. The only person in his life who had never, even for a second, believed anything but the best of him. And now . . .

“I’m so sorry,” his voice breaks and he sags, defeated. “I’m so sorry for everything. My daughter. My beloved.” Tears well up, unbidden, in his eyes, as he imagines the future that may now await her. He should have kept her far away from Asgard, far from all of this. He’d hoped that the Realm could change, that things would be different, but he’d had Thor at his side then, he’d never counted on this. “I wanted to protect you from all that I was. I tried so hard to atone for my past. But I couldn’t. I’ve failed you. Forgive me.”

“No, father, that’s not true!” Dagny’s heart is a bird in her chest, fluttering and frantic, screaming and caged. Angry tears prick at the corners of her eyes as she trembles with repressed sobs. “You’ve worked so hard. You’re innocent! We’ll prove it. We can. We will!”

Loki seems not to hear her; he looks at her with tender, faraway eyes. “Zabuza will look after you, I know, like one of his own. We’ve had our differences, but he loves your mother. And she will be so happy to have you with her. You’re so loved, Dagny, you will be so loved.”

“Papa, stop it,” Dagny sobs, “Don’t talk like that.”

But what can he say? All Dagny wants with all her heart is for her father to tell her that everything will be okay. He can’t. They both know it won’t be.

He can’t even reach out to embrace his child, restrained as he is. All he can do is give her a weak, teary-eyed smile.

“You will be safe, my love, and that’s what matters.”

But what about justice? she thinks, angrily, What about the truth? Surely these things matter too.

“You can’t just give up.” She tries for strength, but her voice is hushed and strained. “We could run. You could escape. You don’t have to do this.”

Loki looks pained, but still he tries to smile. There may have been a time he would have done just that — saved himself, consequences be damned — but the days of such selfishness are long since past. Dagny had changed everything for him.

“I can’t escape without putting you and the rest of our family in danger,” he says, gently. “And that is something I won’t do.”

A sound comes from behind them; Sigyn tapping on the forcefield barrier of the cell. They’re running out of time . . .

“Papa . . .” Dangy is suddenly afraid, so much more afraid than she’s ever been in her life. She tries desperately not to show it, but she’s sure it must come through in her eyes as they rove over her father’s face, suddenly certain that this is the last time she will see get to see him. He seems to be doing the same, memorizing each of his daughter’s features as if they weren’t already branded on his mind.

“It’s alright, Dagny,” he says — a lie, they both know it — but she is grateful, nonetheless. “You must go. I’ll be fine.”

Dagny leans forward, wraps her arms around her father’s battered torso, knowing full well that he would return her embrace if he could. She buries her face against his shoulder just as she would when she was small, after a nightmare. But there is no waking from this. No soothing reassurances to ease her back into a dreamless sleep. Loki leans his head against hers, turns his face to smell her hair and kiss the top of her head. His daughter. His child. His only.

“Go,” he whispers, and she pulls away, nodding, wiping her eyes. Sigyn has opened the cell once more, is waving her frantically forward. Just before she is pulled from the cell, Dagny turns back to her father, frantic.

“Papa, I love you, I’ll free you, I’ll fix this, I promise!”

Then the barrier is shut between them.

#romeo post #drabble #c: trust my rage #c: starchild #f: imprisoned

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girl-next-door-writes · 7 years

Text

New York City Nightmare

Characters: Loki x Reader

Summary: There are moments that change your life and unfortunately for Loki when these moments present themselves he never fails to make the wrong choice.

Word Count: 2197 words

Prompt: New York City – Chain Smokers

A/N: This is for my 800 followers celebration as requested by the awesome @thorne93 who has now given me Loki feels. This is my first attempt at Loki so I apologise in advance, also not a happy fluffy one folks.

This wasn’t part of the plan. You had never been part of the plan but that was just typical of how his life was panning out. The first time he had met you it was brief but that had been all it took. You and Barton had been tasked to guard the mysterious crater with the weird hammer in the middle of it and while Barton had been engaged elsewhere you had spotted a lone figure approach the artifact. Cautiously you had stalked him as if he wasn’t already aware of your presence. When he turned to face you the sardonic smirk on his lips fell and his eyes widened. Sure, you were pointing a gun at him but the fire and passion in your eyes captivated him in a way he was not accustomed to.

“Hello.” His clipped accent had you quirking an eyebrow. He didn’t appear to show any signs of fear or even concern that you were armed and able to take him out with the squeeze of a finger.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” you demanded, your eyes never leaving him for a moment, not that you could have pulled your gaze away from him. There was a calm almost ethereal quality to the man standing before you and his eyes swirled with such a mixture of emotion that reminded you of all those tales of people swimming in calm waters only to be pulled beneath by some dangerous tide and a shiver ran down your spine.

“I am Loki of Asgard.” He stood up straighter, a little prouder, as the wind whipped at his long scarf. Oh great, you thought, why are all the cute ones batshit crazy? Before you had chance to comment there was a shout from behind you and you felt something graze your shoulder. You could have sworn you only blinked but in that split second he was gone, leaving you to wonder if he had been just a figment of your imagination.

As he stood on the Bifrost with his brother he watched in dismay as Thor smashed at the bridge determined to prevent his plan coming to fruition. He cried out for his brother to think about what he was doing, that he would never see his midgardian again but as his plan crumbled around him like the bridge itself, it was the thought of never seeing you again that pained him the most. There had been a part of him that had planned on returning, wooing you as a great king and now that chance for happiness was snatched away from him and he knew it was his own fault. He had set himself on this path and had been met with destruction and despair. Knowing there was nothing here in Asgard for him any longer he let his grip loosen and as he fell into oblivion his one thought was finding a way back to you, wondering if you were his one shot at belonging.

Thrown to his knees before his captures once again, his body battered and bruised, they relayed their new offer. It had been this way for what had felt like an eternity, them dangling the carrot of freedom in exchange for information that would allow them to continue building their empire. They had tortured him not only physically but mentally, pulled memory after memory from him, turned him inside out until he didn’t know what was real anymore. The creature rose from the stone throne before him and sneered down at the pitiful waif that was formerly considered a god. “This will be my final offer to you, you are outliving your usefulness and yet… There is something you desire, something above your freedom, and we are prepared to give her to you in exchange for services rendered. You are to prepare our path, open the gate, and we shall take that planet you call Midgard. In return, we will leave the girl unharmed. She is yours to do with as you will. Do we have a deal?” The gruff voice echoed through the chamber and Loki sat, head down gathering his thoughts. “Refuse and we will kill her in front of you in the most agonizing way we can devise.” This had him lifting his head and snarling at the creature in pure hatred.

“We have a deal.” He hissed and with that the plans were put in motion.

As time passed you wondered about the tall, handsome stranger and when it had become apparent that Thor was real you had done a little research on Loki, wondering if you would ever see him again, figuring a little backstory would only work in your favour. You went on with your life. Trained with Barton, got dragged into the initiative that Fury had been putting together and before you knew it you were sat in the hellicarrier patching up Maria and being informed you had to go after Clint. Pulling up the footage of the initial attack your heart skipped as you saw Loki walk through the portal but there was something wrong. He looked battered and bruised, like he’d just gone ten rounds with something bigger and badder than a Norse God. Your brow furrowed. Hopefully you could get Barton back, but this looked like a whole load of crazy that was gonna have Fury rounding up the troops. When you had first met you had the sense of hidden danger lurking within him but from the footage he appeared wild, despairing and rage filled. That wasn’t the Loki who had stood before you all that time ago and you wondered what had happened to him, your heart aching for whatever tragedy had brought him to this state. Taking one last look at the screen you let out a sigh and turned to go suit up. Loki wasn’t your mission, Barton was.

“He is a monster.”

“He is my brother.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“That is sensible.” The conversation on what to do with the prisoner had been going round in circles. Yeah, these guys were Earths mightiest heroes but that also meant they all thought they were right.

“Just, let me try.” You interrupted causing the men to turn and look at you curiously. “I can’t explain I just think maybe he’ll tell me something.”

“Nat is with him, she will get the information.” Tony shrugged as if it was a done deal.

“I’ve met him before.” A silence fell as they each processed your words.

“Be…before?” Steve enquired, now on guard incase you were one of Loki’s minions.

“Briefly but, I won’t let him out and I won’t get in there with him, I just…”

“It wouldn’t hurt to have someone keep an eye on him once Nat’s done.” Tony was watching you appraisingly as if you were one of his experiments. He’d had the same thought as Steve only he figured seeing the two of you together would give him an answer to whose side you were on. Steve frowned but nodded and watched you leave the room. He had a bad feeling about this.

You walked into the containment area as Nat began to walk out with a smirk, Loki stalking the perimeter of his cage following her movements with an incredulous glare until his eyes fell upon you. A flicker of surprise passed over his face until he realised the implications of you being here on the hellicarrier. You nodded at Nat as she passed and then made your way cautiously towards the prisoner. You had seen what he had done to Clint and you suspected that was nothing compared to what he was truly capable of. Standing before you he looked like a little lost boy as he tried desperately to think of a way to get you off this flying deathtrap. “Hi.” You said softly as you stood before the glass.

“Have they sent you to torment me?” he looked so defeated you wondered if this was simply an act, that he was trying to lure you in.

“No.” you said simply, your eyes scanning his for any hint of what he was truly thinking.

“You are so delicate, so fragile and yet there is a strength in you quite unlike any other.” He murmured as his eyes ran over every detail of your face. As they landed on your lips he unconsciously licked his own. “Why have you come to me? Are you not afraid little one?”

“We have met before.” You ignored his questions, speaking as if in some sort of daze.

“I remember. You were pointing a gun at me at the time.” He smirked in a fond and amused manner. You had thought you had posed a threat and he had thought that was adorable.

“You were trespassing, trying to steal an unknown artifact.” His hair was longer than you remembered, and there were traces of bruises healing on his skin but those eyes… oh those hypnotic eyes of his were just as you remembered.

“Ohhh, steal is such a strong word.” He pouted playfully and you bit the inside of your mouth in an attempt to prevent the smile that was trying to appear. There was something about him that was disarmingly charming and you could see how that would be dangerous.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m not letting you out.” Taking a step closer you were almost touching the glass, it was intoxicating being this close to him and knowing the only thing between you was this unbreakable barrier.

“I didn’t ask you to.” He whispered, leaning his arm against the side and bending his head closer to yours.

“No, you didn’t” the words were barely audible as you studied each other intently. A flush hit your cheeks as you wondered if he could read your thoughts. He smiled sadly at you, all his attempts to keep you safe, all this play acting was taking its toll on him. He could have come here quietly, opened the gate and watched your world burn but from the second he took the deal he had been plotting a way to at least attempt to save your planet without giving his betrayal away should it fail. He needed you safe, though he couldn’t say why.

“I will ask you to do one thing though.” He said earnestly.

“What?” you asked cautiously, your eyes narrowed as you looked at him with suspicion.

“Get off this base. Go now. Don’t ask why and don’t tell anyone just… please.” Opening your mouth to speak your thoughts were pulled away as the coms began to go crazy, Banner had gone Hulk and with a horrified look at Loki you turned and ran towards your team.

Standing in the Tower your eyes darted from Tony to Loki and back again. “You okay Stark?” you asked cautiously as you slowly made your way towards him.

“Okay is such a relative term.” He hummed as he took another sip of his drink. His eyes never leaving Loki who was watching you curiously. Tony didn’t like the look in his eye and instinctively reached for your hand. “How you holding up kid?”

“New York City is being invaded by huge flying armored aliens and a Norse God, how do ya think I’m holding up?” you sassed and Tony tried to contain a chuckle.

“Just a regular Tuesday then.” He smirked at you causing you to shake your head with a smile. No matter how bad things were you could always count on Tony trying to make light of the situation. “Drink?” he offered.

Loki watched your interaction and felt an anger rising within him. He was doing this for you, everything was for you and yet here you were flirting with this imbecile. Drawing himself up to his full height he glowered at you both. “You would chose him over me?”

“I chose Earth. This is my planet and I will be damned if I let anyone stroll in here and take it.” Your voice was soft but firm and part of you wanted to beg him to stop this madness, to go get a coffee and forget all this madness. For just a moment there was a flicker of that little lost boy you had seen contained in the hellicarrier. He had really hoped you would understand. The pain and despair in his eyes was quickly overtaken with rage and he stalked towards you.

“Have it your way.” He spat as Tony stepped in front of you indicating for you to run.

He had nobody but himself to blame. As he stood there surrounded by Midgards finest warriors and his brother, his eyes flickered to you. Steve noticed and took a step closer, placing himself almost between the two of you. Loki’s shoulders slumped and his head dropped. Seeing him like this broke your heart. Then again, the thought of Coulson and the destruction of New York left your heart shattered. Nothing about this situation was fair and you turned away from the scene, blinking back tears as you walked towards Bartons car. Sure this was a win but at what cost?

Tags: @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @nea90sweetie@knittingknerdy@feelmyroarrrr @vintagevalentinexx @goody2shoessmut @cojootromuelle@palaiasaurus64 @littleblue5mcdork @littlenerdgirl16 @iwillbeinmynest @buckyhawk @beccaanne814-blog @canumoveyourseatup-no@callamint @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

#myfic #Something I wrote #Loki #Loki x Reader #800 challenge fic

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valkyrie-echo · 6 years

Text

Project Echo, Part 1: Chapter 34 (The Second Vision)

Part 1 Summary: A long-buried Hydra disaster, a monster in the shadows, a missing child. Eight months after the events of “The Winter Soldier”, Bucky turns himself in to the Avengers on one condition: They must help him find a girl snatched off the streets by Hydra seven years ago. In their quest, the Avengers accidentally unleash a horrifying creature of darkness and shadow, intent on making their quarry its prey.

Chapter 34: The Second Vision

Dennisson's Base

She was waiting for him on the balcony of the ruined Avengers Tower once more. He moved as if in a trance, powerless to change the dream.

"What happened here?" he whispered.

"You're the one who was supposed to stop it," she looked out over the city, "You brought it here," the Shadow jumped a ride to the Tower in Bucky's mind, "You said it would be safe," glancing at the Avengers in the recovery room, at Inessa in the corner, he promised what he was doing was to keep them safe, keep them alive, "And where the hell were you when everything burned?"

Her stance, her speech, her armor- Natasha?

Bucky looked down, ashamed. They stood in silence for a long while, "You asked for my help. at least tell me what did all of this."

Whoever she was, she scoffed at him, "As if you didn't know what would happen when you abandoned us. Turn around."

He didn't want to see the monster again. He didn't want to see 'Project: Helius'. But Bucky couldn't change anything. He turned.

Everything fragmented. He saw quick snapshots- Steve being crushed under a wall of water, Clint in his apartment throwing a knife at Natasha's head; Sam crashing into a park; Thor being thrown through a wall by Hulk; Bucky's own body, slumped against a streetlight and struggling to remain conscious.

He felt it- the Shadow- behind him. He couldn't fight it in this condition, he could barely move. He turned his head as far as he was able, heard its snarling growl, then waited to die.

Everything went dark, then a woman's voice hissed in his ear, "Stay in the light!"

Bucky jerked awake, "Finally!" Dennisson was exasperated, "If you're going to pass out after just a bit of slicing this will take forever."

"Wh-" Bucky looked around. He was in a tub. A warm tub. His bloody, soiled clothes were in the corner and he was wearing only shorts. The water was rust-red from blood.

"It was getting rather difficult to see what I was cutting, "Dennisson explained, "so I thought a good rinse would help."

His hand was swollen and purple, as was most of him actually. Bucky was suffering, true, but Dennisson was just a skinner, shamefully it was the Winter Soldier who knew the more creative tortures. Pain like this he could stomach for at least a couple weeks. Zola had been worse.

"Gee, thanks," he was sarcastic, "Could be hotter though."

Dennisson shrugged, "Could be, but warm water works best with this. Now," he pulled a glass bottle out from behind him roughly the size of a beer bottle, "I'm not a doctor, never had the knack for putting people back together, but I do know if a wound isn't at least cleaned it becomes infected. And we don't want that, now do we?" he removed the top and began pouring the liquid into the water, moving side to side so everything made it in.

Once the bottle was empty Bucky sniffed, ignoring the tingling pain already spreading from his open wounds. It wasn't gasoline. "Let's just leave that to clean out those nasty cuts. I'll be back to check on you after lunch," Dennisson walked out, but only went so far as the observation room next door.

It didn't take much longer for Bucky to start burning in earnest, for his skin to melt- for blood to start flowing. He screamed- horrifically and quite loudly. He thrashed around in the water, but he was handcuffed to the bottom of the tub. The thrashing splashed more of the water into his face and his screams intensified.

Morris entered and looked at Bucky in the room, then turned to Dennisson with a questioning expression, "Oh dear-" Dennisson looked at the bottle with mock surprise, "You lout- I said 'hydrogen peroxide', not 'hydrocloric acid'."

"My mistake, sir," Morris turned away and walked quickly from the room, "I shall go remedy the error."

The next time Bucky woke he couldn't see. He tried to scream, but he couldn't breathe right. He felt like his entire body was melting away.

Morris supervised the neutralization of the acid with thinly concealed distaste. It only highlighted the problem further- Dennisson was losing control. Coming here, to the home of their enemy, putting them on deaths very door- then standing down, handing over their files, all for one man who wasn't even a significant threat. They could have sent a team to raid the Tower before the Avengers regrouped, sent Tyson up as a doctor instead of a repair man, had him kill every last one of them.

No, Dennisson was out of control and his field of vision was narrow at best. If Morris hadn't removed the final report from the 'Project: Helius' file they would have everything. They still might. Dennisson didn't need complications, he needed to make an all-out stand against the Avengers- now. Before they figured out anything further, before they found a way to subdue the Shadow-beast.

"Don't die just yet," he left Bucky loose on the table, writhing.

"Wake up," Dennisson shook Bucky's arm, sending him into fresh spasms, "this is my favorite part!" Bucky could only listen. He heard boots, shouting, some screams, then more shouting. "Do you remember that? When you tried to escape with Echo?"

The drugs made it impossible to focus. He still couldn't see- opening his eyes was too difficult. He just lay there, lost and in pain.

"What about this one?" Dennisson clicked another video, "The time you called me a, wait for it-" something happened in the video, "-that. A 'vicious little sadist'," he leaned back and his voice took on a dangerous tone, "do you remember that one?"

Morris walked in with a medical report. It wasn't promising. He glanced at the video. Bucky was on his knees before Alexander Pierce, swearing some loyalty- from what Morris knew of Hydra's former leader, he certainly had a flair for the dramatic. Dennisson was obsessing again.

"You made me look like an idiot," he spat as he spoke, "made me look incompetent! Agent Dennisson is given one of Hydra's best assets and not only does he take TWO YEARS to get a simple job done, the asshat turns out to be falling off the Hydra bandwagon when the boss comes to visit! It took me YEARS to live that down!"

"I have the reports on Barnes' medical condition," Morris interrupted his tantrum.

"Who?"

Morris barely withheld his eye-roll, "James Buchanan Barnes? The Winter Soldier," he pointed to Bucky.

Dennisson smirked, "That's his real name?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you think he is aware how ridiculous it is?" Dennisson asked casually.

"I'm sure it keeps him awake at night, yes."

"Careful," Dennisson warned, "I'll let that pass because of your performance thus far, but don't push it."

Another sign of his weakness. He should have killed Morris on the spot for his impunity. Morris began to hate him for the disappointment he had proven to be. Ever since he entered that machine... Such promise- wasted.

"The doctors estimate with his current level of treatment he will survive only a handful more days."

Dennisson sneered, "Then when he dies deliver him to the Avengers, destroy their morale, and we attack while they mourn. See? I'm not as incompetent as you may think."

"Yes, sir," Morris left, fuming. Deliver his body so they all had more cause to unify after Dennisson and his band of quasi-trained killers? Face them on open ground on their terms? It was idiotic. It was what went wrong with Loki's plan. They should never have taken the Winter Soldier in the first place. Separated, their forces had a chance. With the Avengers all aimed squarely at the same enemy? It was a pointless fight, a guaranteed loss.

Something had to change to prompt Dennisson into action. Now.

Bucky felt something. Someone was tugging at him, pulling. With a grunt they moved him. He was in so much pain he couldn't process what was happening, not even when, at last, he was lifted and carried out into the hall.

He must have passed out again. The fresh hell of gravel digging into his unprotected back woke him. A sharp pain as something was pulled from his forehead, then the crunch of footsteps retreating. At least they'd set him in the shade, somewhere quiet, somewhere without Dennisson's voice grating on his mind.

His comms un-jammed, on the other side of the city from Dennisson's base, it took Tony all of five minutes to find him.

He dreamed about Inessa. That day he tried to help her escape, the one Dennisson had woken him to hear. He hadn't known what he would do, hadn't planned it at all. His mind had been a jumble of half-memories and fleeting glimpses of a past long lost. Suddenly he simply knew- he had to get her out.

She had become as he was now- lost in the pain and despair of her circumstances. He picked her up, carried her to the door, and left towards the back exit. He ran quickly, but the doctors who monitored her vitals and whatever signal it was they filled the room with returned faster than he anticipated. The alarm sounded.

He ran on until he heard troops closing in from ahead. He set her down on the cold floor gingerly and she sagged against the dark stone. Her eyes had been fluttering, now they settled at the reviving touch of the stone. It must have felt like a balm after the plastic table, the hot room.

Hydra spilled into the hall in front of him and Bucky stepped forward, ready to fight. He felt something- a tug. She was holding the back of his pant leg. Other soldiers arrived. They were swarmed. He killed four when they tried to drag her away. She passed out again at some point, her hand fell from the back of his-

The back of his leg.

He set her down on the cold floor. She sagged against the wall. He watched her. He stood back up. The soldiers appeared. He stepped forward. She grabbed the back of his pants.

He set her down. She grabbed the back of his leg.

He'd never turned around.

Bucky's eyes shot open, breaking the scabs that held them closed. He was handcuffed to another table with something moving above him. Natasha jumped up as Bucky began to rip at the cloth cuffs holding his arms in place, "Relax! Don't move, it's alright. Just hold still, OK?" she tapped her comm, "He's awake."

She was wearing a skirt of all things, exposing her shins. One leg was paler than the other and a golden band ran around it- he remembered the joint being severed. Thor taking her away. Bucky panted and looked at the ceiling above. He couldn't move- he was bound too securely, but he tried anyways. He had to see where he was- he couldn't just believe Natasha.

Steve and Banner made it into the room first. They crowded around the table, mindful of the arm that extended upward and zig-zagged over Bucky's naked body. His neck had a metal ring around it to keep his head from turning, and with Steve at his periphery he fought harder to move them into his line of sight, "Stay still!" Natasha commanded.

"Bucky, the machine is helping you, alright?" Steve flinched as Bucky squirmed, trapped in a full-blown panic attack, "I can't touch you- and if you don't stop moving you'll do more harm than good. I need you to hear me, buddy!" He came as close to his friend's face as he could without leaning into the path of the arm.

Bucky closed his eyes and took several ragged breaths, then stopped moving. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked up at Steve. Tony appeared over his shoulder and held up a tablet so Bucky could see the readouts from the machine.

"This is some new tech Stark Industries is partnering on," Stark explained, "it uses synthetic tissue sheets to bind cells and repair damage, but it's extremely precise work. If you move around, you'll grow flesh and nerves over delicate orifices- ones you wouldn't want a doctor cutting back open, if you catch my drift. Just one more hour, then you can come out."

"She was in front of me!" Bucky babbled, "She was in front of me, then she was behind me, but I didn't turn around!"

"Come again?" Clint frowned.

"Inessa! I know what her power is!"

Natasha leaned forward, "What is it? We know they were suppressing it, but what was it?"

Bucky nodded, "In the lights! It was in the light, the frequency, yes! I took her away from them and she must have recovered enough to use her powers!"

"For the slower folks, what powers?" Sam prompted.

Steve got it first, "Teleportation."

Chapter 35: No Calm Before the Storm

#marvel #avengers #my writing

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brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 5 years

Text

Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

TITLE: Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 18 / ?

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-dark midnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki falling in love with a Midgardian and his words to Thor about Jane during Dark World coming back to haunt him. “It would be a heartbeat. You would never be ready.”

RATING: M for Mature

NOTES/WARNINGS: ~▪︎~FOR THE WHOLE STORY~▪︎~

AUTHOR’S NOTES: Check Masterlist. It’s going to be a long read. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

!-!TRIGGER WARNING(S)!-!

So many triggers, read ALL of them!

Swearing. Angst. Death. Depression. Violence. Self-harm. Regret. Carelessness for safety. Doubts. Torture. NSFW. Smut. Fluff. And Of Course- Mischief.

Summary: The side effects.

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

Alicia was pulled to Loki’s chest as she regained her breath. Loki held her tight as he pressed his lips to her head. Alicia was sure he was smelling her.

“Are you satisfied, Love?”

“Always.” Alicia moved to look at him and saw a few of her marks on his collarbones. She mumbled, “I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away.”

Loki hummed then captured her lips. When she gasped for air he moved to kiss all over her face. “What else were you to do? I wasn’t able to kiss you as I told you you were so beautiful beneath me; moaning my name in an erotic harmony, your entire body beckoning me to merge with you, your entire being welcoming me to become one with you.” Alicia heard Loki grumble, “I fucked you with the urgency you craved. I’m surprised you are still completely intact.”

Alicia’s throat made a sound as she tried not to laugh. She spoke into his ear, “you didn’t lose control.” Then his lips ran against the pulse point in her neck. “I’m sorry I’m too weak.."

That damn Heartbeat. Too fast. Pumping the life through her body but so fast it wore her body down quicker. His heart? It was barely noticeable compared to hers. Loki had already regained control of himself. He had already taken care of the bruises on her hips and the deep purple bruise on her neck from his intense orgasm. The marks were gone and his nauseous feeling subsided. The nauseous feeling from anxiety was back and he swallowed down a lump threatening to expel itself. He held her impossibly close and buried his head into her hair.

"You are the strongest being I’ve encountered.” Loki felt his lips twitch and he allowed his face to show pain to her hair. She was the very definition of a Midgardian: remarkably strong, fierce, and stubborn…but lacked the body to keep up with her attitude. Her body was unable to live as long as him.

Alicia’s hands were stroking through his hair and a silence weighed down on their last words. Loki’s hard swallow was easy to hear. He heard a muffled whimper. He cupped her cheek and felt slick skin, then Loki looked at her. Her eyes closed as those pale pink lips were sucked into her mouth and she bit them. The pain on her face showed she was alive but she stopped breathing.

“Love? Love. Alicia, breathe.” Loki watched her as he repeatedly demanded she breathe. He should have been so relieved but he wasn’t. Her breath was ragged and quick. Over and again. Loki pulled her when she tried to push away, “love. Alicia. Talk to me. What’s wrong? Darling?” Alicia thrashed as she tried to get out of his grasp. Loki let her go as marks appeared on her skin from his grip. He watched as she quickly ran to the bathroom. At the first sound as he called out, she slammed the door shut. He was quiet in his rush to the door and listened. She was sniffling and choking back sobs. He knocked and heard nothing.

“Alicia?” Loki paused. It was quiet. “Come and talk to me…”

A quiet denial was heard.

“I can help you.” Then Loki figured it out. He spoke as clear as he could, “is it the visions?”

Then he heard a sob escape.

“I’m coming in.”

More quiet wailing and Loki stepped in.

It was exactly what he feared.

Blood on the shower floor just starting to reach the drain. Following the trail to its source. Her hand was facing her but there was no mistaking that is where the blood came from. Alicia was in a ball screaming silently in agony. Her mouth open but the rest of her face was littered with creases of pain. Loki got in the shower with her, sliding the razor pieces away as he got down. She flinched away from his touch but he held her wrist and sent healing magic to the horrifying wound.

Heartbeats pumping out life.

“I’m so weak.”

The last word echoed in the room.

The wound healed now allowed Loki to breathe. His hands and arms stained with her life, but she survived. “You are not.” Loki pulled her to him and ignored the blood staining their bodies. She curled into him as he ran his hand over her head. “You will make it. We are both far too stubborn to believe otherwise. This will pass. You were strong before this and you will be stronger after.” He kissed her head, “you are strong.”

“I’m weak. No. Don’t. I couldn’t save him. I don’t know when-or even IF he will be back.” Alicia’s hands were fisted on his chest and he wasn’t sure it she wanted him or not. “All I want to do is to just make it stop.”

“You survive this. It’s in your visions.” It was the only thing he could hang onto now.

Alicia looked at him. Tears disappeared and she wiped at her face, smudging red across it. She stared at her hand. She stared at the blood. Maybe at the place where life once pumped out. Did she want it to still pour out, or was she still processing what had just happened? Alicia then looked at Loki. He knew her blood was on him. She spurt out apologies for letting him see her like that.

He held her waist firmly and looked in her eyes as she trailed off. She hugged him, burying herself into him. He held her close at the realization,

“If I let you be in here… this embrace would be…” Loki paused to think of a word that he could use, “different.”

Alicia curled into a ball as she wailed. Loki let her as he said, “it will pass.”

Her heartbeat. Would one day pass. Not today, hopefully not for years but he knew it would be too soon.

Those warm tears in his eyes threatened to fall. A terrible sound came from Alicia as she clung desperately to him. The brim of his eyes broke and tears cascaded down his face. He would never be ready. Loki was so calm because he had valuable knowledge. He had known she had a future to endure still. What would happen when he never had the luxury of her in those images?

The day would come. He was so unbelievably frustrated. To have something he cherished that was to never last. No, to experience someone love him. Not just anyone but it had to be someone who couldn’t do it for the rest of his life. Would he be able to remember such a short time? Would the memories he tried to burn to memory last?

Would his illusions be enough later on?

Loki helped her stand at the suggestion of getting cleaned up. The water was stained with crimson. And he held Alicia’s head high so he didn’t see the fear in her eyes anymore. Tears threatened to fall.

“You don’t need a mask with me.”

Alicia nodded and got close to him. Head on his shoulder and Loki felt teeth graze his neck as she resumed her silent screaming. Loki put up a sound barrier in the bathroom. “Just let it out. No one will hear you.” And she fell to the ground in a strangled noise. Loki eased her fall and kept her in the stream of warm water.

Loki helped her up and watched her closely. She was in a daze. Washing herself sloppily with a blank look and dull eyes.

“I can’t believe…I did that.”

Loki took her cloth “When witches are kept in visions too long, emotions are more intense throughout those events in real time.”

Her eyes met his, unable to produce more tears. “Will… I.. will this happen again?”

Loki put hair behind her ear, “I will be more careful with getting more information. We can ease you to getting more. Once you have better control, you will be unaffected by emotional ties after the initial vision.” Loki placed his hand on hers that rested on his chest, “if you ever feel the need to harm again… please come to me at the first fleeting thought. Even if you believe it won’t happen. This is not something to push around.”

“Okay..”

“You are alright. You are here. With me.” Loki kissed her forehead, “safe.”

“Thank you..”

Loki let her look up at him. He saw her eyes dart to his lips and linger there.

“You should rest love. I shouldn’t have pushed you so much with my insatiable and selfish desires to…love you.”

Alicia snorted causing her to laugh so much that she was only able to breathe by making high-pitched sounds. Loki laughed with her…maybe a bit at her. “Love. You need to breathe. You are so red.” Loki was glad when she was able to take a breath but she started laughing again. “Is this about your pig noise?” Alicia nodded and his question only seemed to make things worse.

“You are very insatiable.”

Loki forced an appalled look and pointed to himself. “Me?”

It made Alicia laugh again. It was the best sound, especially so quickly after the morbid situation. It was a good sign she was able to get out of those feelings quickly.

Alicia lifted one shoulder and looked to the side, “I guess I can be a little… encouraging.”

Loki kissed her forehead, “You can. However we should go get ready for dinner.” Loki turned the water off and got towels for both of them. Alicia got ready with jeans and a loose blouse shirt. Loki in a suit. Loki went behind her and watched her put on that damn makeup.

She met his eyes in the mirror and breathed in deeply, slowly, and silently. “Can you… not tell anyone?” Loki saw his face, it was worry. Alicia spoke quickly, “I mean.. this is it, right? I won’t lose control again?”

Loki took his turn to breathe and he closed his eyes. “There is… still a chance.” His eyes opened and she was staring wide eyed then looked down. “We should explain to the rest what to look for. We don’t need to tell them about this time.” She nodded and stood. She looked everywhere but him. “Alicia, you have a future.”

“We don’t know about after that..”

Alicia’s eyes met his and she slowly walked towards him and hugged him around the waist. Loki held her. Encased her gently. At first his eyes were closed and lips pressed firmly against her head. Then his chin was on her head, eyes cast towards the ceiling. Thoughts racing with prayers for a limitless amount of heartbeats.

Alicia squeezed him and looked at him. Loki blinked the tears away. But her hand was on his face brushing a trail away. “I love you. I swear to always love you. I am yours. And I love to be yours. I cherish the love you shower me with every day. I love that look of absolute joy when you get a mischievous plan. -mostly, I’m looking forward to not being the only option when you get that face.”

Loki laughed at her huge smile, “well, I assure you I will not bend anyone over and give them pleasure.”

“Ah different types of mischief."

Loki’s side of his lip lifted as well as the eyebrow did.

"You know I’m teasing. Good because, ” she kissed him and growled, “I don’t share.”

Loki hummed, “and I thought you never got jealous.”

“I do but I’m not going to let that make me be over run with fear of you leaving. If you would ever want another, I will never look back.” Alicia shrugged and smiled, “jealousy doesn’t look good on me.”

Loki pulled her by the lower back and held her neck. He kissed her fiercely because he was so absolutely appalled she thought he desired another. Then kissed her with passion as he realised, he loved her that much. To never want another. He let her go so she could breathe. He pressed his forehead to hers and sighed. “Don’t you ever believe for one fleeting moment that I would ever desire anyone but you. I will follow you wherever you go. And if I lose you…I will find you."

Then there was a knock at the door. A loud rapping from the main entrance. Alicia sighed and went to the door. Loki heard her sweet voice, "hello Jane.”

“Are you rested? I heard you got worked up.”

“Oh yes. I’m better. Cleaned up, relaxed, I feel new.” Alicia followed Jane out and Loki followed.

“That’s good.” Jane sent Loki a pointed glare, “I hope you were able to relax properly.”

Alicia laughed, “relaxation comes in many forms.”

Jane looked away flustered and sat beside Thor who was smiling.

Alicia stopped and her eyes followed from end to end of the table. Loki saw the table filled with food as usual. Many meats and vegetables. Some fruit and wine. The workers stood on the outskirts of the room for instant assistance then the rest were in the kitchen cleaning.

“There is so much food. All of this will be eaten?”

Loki pulled out a chair for her, “yes dear. If you need anything, they will help.”

“This is…odd.”

Loki watched as a servant poured her a glass of wine, another servant set a full plate of food in front of her. Everyone else was being treated the same. Alicia looked around as she tentatively started to cut the first piece of meat. Loki cut a piece as well and tasted it when she did. It was…over seasoned. Too much flavor for Loki but Alicia looked pleased as she cut another piece.

Thor pointed at her plate, “I see you like the Asgardian altercations of boar.”

Alicia covered her mouth as she smiled and chewed. “I’ve never had the chance to have boar.. It’s very good.”

Jane smiled, “As you know…The Asgardians hunt all over the world for their meat. There are also farms kept for certain animals.”

Alicia cut many things up as she talked, “I did. I wonder what it will be like once the bifrost is done. I imagine more trading will take place.”

Jane hummed in excitement then talked with a mouthful and quickly swallowed mid sentence, “So you saw it, where it will be located?”

Thor answered, “it is far from Earth. The outer area of this system. It will take a long time to build.” Thor shoved another bite in his mouth and Loki forced himself to look down at his plate so he didn’t have to see the obnoxious chewing.

“So your visions come true?” Darcy had the decency to swallow before talking. Loki knew it was just a perfect timing.

Alicia was about to take a bite, “as of this far…yes.” She quickly took a bite of some sauteed vegetable mixture.

“She is getting adjusted to getting more information.” Loki saw her fingers tighten around her silverware. “We should all watch for signs as far as emotional distress. The last set of visions I pulled..the emotions from those visions are intensified.”

“Losing someone is hard already.. how much are they intensified?” Thor paused to glance at both Loki and Alicia.

“She drew blood after the visions.”

Thor stopped eating, set his silverware down. The information sunk in as his hand went to his beard then arms crossed. His eyes went to Alicia and lingered. Then eyes were on Loki’s. “That means potential suicide?”

“She is in future visions, so she lives through this.”

“To be tortured? That’s not a great future.”

Loki saw Alicia’s fingers grip the silverware a little tighter.

Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Thanks to you, Luit is after her. You were the one driving that ridiculous ship and smashing into everything. Killing his family. This target is your doing.”

Alicia held his hands and forced a smile, “Loki. I have targets on my head that were deadly before Thor or you were involved.”

Him? Right. The dreaded attack on New York. Loki felt an ache in his chest because she never brought that up.

Jane put her wine glass down. “What are those targets?”

Alicia poked at her food, “my dad killed a man. And his brother is out for revenge.” When Alicia cleared her throat it was a loud sound compared to Valkyrie eating. “He got my mother when I was 12. Then my father started intense training for my sister and I in SHIELD.” Alicia took a bite of food and chewed slowly.

“Has she…” Thor was staring at Loki then glanced at Alicia and back. “Attempted suicide yet?”

There was a pause but Alicia’s quivering, “yes” was heard. Loki grabbed her knee and let his fingers squeeze gently. He was very relieved she told them. It would make it easier for everyone to watch for the signs.

Loki’s fingers never leave her, especially when she holds his hand. “She gets really still then rushes away in a hurry. She is in a daze, it’s a result of the visions, so she is unaware of her actions until after.”

“I will have a healer arranged to be near her.”

Alicia’s head snapped up to stare at Thor, then her eyes were on Loki. They were wide, filled with; worry, shame, and questions.

“All witches are watched by healers. Visions are important for getting ahead of threats, increasing value of witches.” Alicia’s hand squeezed his but it was not comforting for him, she was grounding herself. Loki gave a little pressure back. “It is… expected, thus prepared for. These healers are specifically trained for witches. They can heal any wound they could not prevent. They can use various types of techniques for calming the mind.”

Alicia’s eyes were down on their hands and he gave a firm pressure. “So I’m going to be watched all the time?”

Loki looked up at Thor, prompting him to talk.

Thor leaned forward. “Lady Alicia. It is for your safety. At first you will be monitored closely then when you are reliant on yourself to prevent self harm the healer will only check in.” Alicia lifted her head up slowly to look at Thor. Thor gave her a small smile then it disappeared as he spoke, “should you draw blood again after a vision, monitoring will be high again. Usually these healers can guide individuals through visions… If you’re separated from Loki the healer can help you.” Thor sat back and placed a grape in his mouth. “From what I remember of mother explaining, it takes a large toll on witches and their healer if they are in a relationship. It is for the best interest of everyone to have a third unbiased party.”

Alicia sat up and had a forced smile as she laughed, “sorry to dampen the mood.”

Valkyrie pointed her knife at Alicia, “its honestly Asgardian protocol for witches.” Then she shrugged cutting more food, “maybe that’s why Loki has been attached to your hip constantly… literally.”

Alicia chuckled and began eating the pieces she had cut up already. She glanced at Loki, “maybe Marcibeth was right.”

He suggested, “I can think of something that could help…”

Alicia rolled her eyes and muttered, “stop it.”

Loki laughed shortly before returning to his food as well. Alicia complimented everything she tasted, even if it was only one sample. When she moved to get up Loki signaled to a servant to get her a water. “Let the servants do their work. You should not move from your seat unless you are to excuse yourself. ”

Alicia huffed, “seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“I see why you haven’t had me to Asgardian dinners.”

“If I recall correctly, this is why you didn’t want to go when I asked you to accompany me.”

“This is as annoying as it sounded. I really can’t get up and make myself tea?”

“You can tell them how to make it.” Loki smiled at her glare, “you can order one for me as well.”

Alicia pouted as she chewed slowly.

Darcy spoke up holding a drink, obviously mixed. “You can put specific things, like drinks, into your tablet so the servants know what you like. They will keep all of those things in stock.” Then she took a sip of the drink.

Jane smiled, “Or you can put in a recipe and they can make it. That feature helps with preparing food for the whole team. Especially these guys. They eat 10 times more than I can.”

“I take it those tablets control a bit of things?” Alicia stabbed a piece of meat and put it in her mouth quickly, still sulking.

Thor gestured towards Alicia again. Then continued eating as he spoke. “You will see they help. There are more important things to do than; cook, clean, shop, or anything not training. We are too busy with scheduled surveillance and unplanned missions. Even mission information and reports are on your tablet. Everything can be ordered to do on your tablet.”

Alicia did not lift her eyes. Loki knew she loved doing those things and as he told her before, she was going to get used to so many things. She was independent and self reliant. She did everything herself. “You have too much to get used too right now, but you will.” Alicia stabbed a piece of food and sighed heavily. She shoved the piece of food in her mouth then resumed cutting a piece of food. Loki knew the vision emotion was gone and this was her being genuinely upset about her love for feeling “normal.”

The ding of the elevator rang and then Tony’s voice was heard. “You bottomless pits still eating?”

Loki rolled his eyes and took another bite.

“There is a mission coming up. We need Loki to do his tricks on keeping us hidden. Stealth mission if you haven’t figured it out.”

Loki looked at Alicia who was already watching for his reaction.

“That’s not going to be…difficult.” Thor spoke carefully and explained witches and visions. They would need to find a healer that would work for Alicia and it could take a while.

Tony rubbed his face and sighed. “Well is she ok to go with us? Banner’s issues with Hulk..we are down one anyway.” Tony pointed at Loki, “rock of ages is needed the most for this.”

Alicia spoke up, “I will be fine.” Loki stared at her and only saw determination. “I’m not going to hold back this team.”

Tony continued, “Good to hear. By the way, I plan on having you one of the professional reporters to prepare you for the real thing.”

#Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder #chapter 18 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight #loki #check triggers #check description

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