#but i have emotions and thoughts that i do not trust you with.“

[deadboyswalking]

Right after Zoro and Sanji get engaged, only hours from the proposal, they have an interesting late-night conversation.

"Gonna have to be a long engagement, Curly."

"And why's that?" Sanji asks sleepily from his comfortable position lying on Zoro's chest, "Having second thoughts already?"

"No!" Zoro replies, a bit too sharply before softening, "It'll just be a while until we can get back to the East Blue."

Sanji is silent for a long moment.

"Do you still have... family there?" he asks.

"No, but you do," Zoro says quietly, "You'd be sad if your old man weren't there."

Oh. Sanji hasn't even had a chance to think about Zeff yet, but Zoro has. Though Sanji was the one to propose, Zoro has clearly been thinking about this for a while. Zoro knows how important Zeff is to Sanji, how much Sanji loves The Baratie and the chefs there, and he's already planning for them to go back home for their wedding.

It's so different from Whole Cake Island, an unfamiliar and extravagant place where Sanji had been surrounded by detested blood relations, enemies, and strangers while he awaited political marriage to a sweet girl he barely knew. But Zoro knows Sanji and knows what he really wants, even if Sanji would never make a fuss and bring it up himself.

Sanji has never felt this loved.

"Yeah, the geezer would probably kill me if I got married and didn't invite him," Sanji finally says, his voice thick with emotion, "And The Baratie is the only place I'd trust to make my wedding feast."

"We could invite my sensei," Zoro adds, "And Johnny and Yosaku, if those two idiots haven't gotten themselves killed. I think they settled down in Nami's village."

"What about Mihawk?" Sanji asks.

"If I haven't defeated him yet, sure," Zoro grumbles, "He likes fancy restaurants and he'd probably get along with my sensei. Perona too since she'd haunt me forever if I left her out. What about Ivankov?"

Sanji grimaces, mostly for show.

"I'll invite Iva, but I don't think he'll show up. He's way too busy with his kingdom and the Revolutionary Army to go all the way to the East Blue just for our wedding."

Zoro hums in thought.

"I think you're wrong about that. Who else?"

Needless to say, by the time they finally fall asleep their tentative guest list has over 500 names on it. Even if Zoro and Sanji aren't quite as sociable as their captain (who they'll definitely have to restrain from inviting everyone he's ever met to their wedding), all of the Straw Hat Pirates have made many friends on their journey and will make more by the time they get back to the East Blue.

Sanji's last thought before drifting off in the arms of the man he loves is wondering how much advance notice he should give Zeff before his beloved restaurant is swarmed by all of the friends that the lonely little boy he saved grew up to have.

#and of course Zeff has to properly meet Zoro (when Zoro isn't unconscious with his chest sliced open) #zosan

[creativewritersposts]

introverted - Luke Hughes

summary; Luke Hughes x reader

You know him for years over the internet. But when you meet him in person, he acts awkward and uncomfortable. It's a big step for an introverted guy. Can you handle it?

warning(s); FLUFF!!, mentions of insecurity, maybe grammar errors

author's note; hi you wonderful people out there! Hope you're all okay✨

--------------------------------------------------------------

Luke Hughes is everything.

He's awkward, he's a good player and wraps every girl around his finger even when he looks like a zombie, because he stayed awake too long last night to watch the new movie.

"-so he told me I'm boring-", you spill him the tea on FaceTime, talking about the boy you really liked and ghosted you. "He's wrong", Luke smiles in his camera, looking comfortable. It's something you learned about Luke- he's very shy and uncomfortable when he doesn't know people. It's weird how you became friends, - somehow. You're living one continent apart but your connection went good and never had problems to talk with each other. "well I have something to talk about", Luke speaks out and looks away from his display, you nod. "I booked you a ticket. I know you're having your summer vacation next week and being alone at home so you can join us in Michigan", his shy side shows again.

"MICHIGAN?", you squeak under panic. "yeah", he chuckles and looks insecure, thinking if it was the best idea. "Like Michigan with your parents, siblings?", you follow up. "Yeah", he smiles. "i told you not to pay things for me!", you warn him, "take it as an early birthday present ", he argues back. "my birthday is in december!", you roll your eyes, "ok, see you in Michigan!".

Here you are, with all your bags at the airport, searching for Luke. Or a nice sandwich, you're hungry. "Hey!", Luke waves awkwardly at you, coming closer, until he gives you the hand. "Luke", you raise your eyebrows, "we're friends for three years now, gimme a hug!", you hug him because he could say something against it. "I'm sorry but Jack is the driver", he warns you, talking a bag over his shoulder. Jack leans on the car door with sunglasses on, "hi", he hugs you without asking, driving to the lake house. "Mom cooked a lot of food, hope you're hungry", Jack eyes meeting yours, Luke just smiles. "sure, can I sit next to Luke?", you ask Jack. You're here because you want to spend time with him. "I'll not interrupt you lovebirds", he laughs and walks in front of you both. "Are you ok with sitting next to me?", Luke leans over to your ear, whispering these words. "sure, Lucky Luke", you smile at him. His cheeks are blushing. After meeting the whole family you ate dinner, but Luke looks very uncomfortable next to you. Barely talking. He avoids you for three days now, you try to get along with the family but you want to talk to him. You're here because of him.

"Luke?", you ask him, when you finally found a moment in piece with him. "hm?", he smiles.

"Do you want me to leave?", you speak out your worries. "no!", he shakes his head, "I am just very shy, ok? I need my time to feel comfortable", his ears getting red. Your body feels like under electricity, you're more extroverted and never thought he feels that way. "Sure, don't worry", you smile respectfully and leave the room. "Ohh trouble in paradise?", Jack asks you with his girlfriend under his left arm sleeping. "No, it's just too much", you sit down on a camping chair. "did he say something silly? He talked about meeting you nonstop in New Jersey", he focuses on your emotions. "He avoids me for three days and i asked him if i should leave. He told me he's shy and feels uncomfortable", you blame yourself. "sounds like Lukey", he nods understandable. "It's not your fault. After a few days he's the most annoying person ever, trust me", he huffs playfully with a small grin. "what can I do?", you ask him for advice. "He loves movie nights. Ask him to do that?", he thinks about his little weird ass brother.

"I don't want him to feel uncomfortable!", you worry. Jack nods and lays his girlfriends head on the lounger without waking her up.

"Luke!", Jack steps into the house, standing in front of his younger, taller brother. "you told me about this new movie, can you remember?", you join with them. "Yeah, it's a sequel from Harry Potter ", he nods friendly. "your best friend has no plans this night so you can watch it with her", he points with his finger at you, to stop miscommunication. "uhm-", Luke's voice cracks. "If you say no I'll watch it with her", he looms. "you have a girlfriend!?", you think out loud, both turn their bodies in your direction, "I can handle two women", Jack gets sassy. "okay, after dinner", Luke plays with his fingers.

Time flew away. Now you're sitting in Luke's bed, you can smell his cologne and waiting with snacks. "ok I'm ready", Luke comes in and smiles softly, but very nervous. "What are you wearing?", he blushes again, "a pyjama", you laugh. "uhm.. without bra?", he mudders. "Who knows", you mock him. You're laying both in his bed, you can feel how your eyes feel heavy, you yawn after a while. "Can i lay down on your chest?", you ask. His bed is like wood under your body, it's definitely not comfortable. "Sure", he's distracted with watching the movie, petting your hair without thinking much until he hears your softly snores. "sleep well", he kisses your cheek, wrapping his arm around you in the comfortable way and sleeps in, too.

The next morning you wake up from voices around you, "mom take a picture!", jack stresses. "Jack stop being so annoying in the morning!", she tells him, "they're kinda cute together", he whispers. And you close your eyes again.

#nhl blurb #nhl x reader #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #luke hughes #luke hughes blurb #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #lh43

[didalexiabreakupwitholgayet]

mariona's statement during her press conference. (it's so emotional 🥹)

"good afternoon. first of all, thank you all so much for being here. before starting the press conference i would like to make a short summary of what it has been for me. being part of the club of my life. those of you who know me know that my first football memories are all related to barça. the first blaugrana shirt, ronaldinho's first boots, the first trips with the family to visit camp nou, the first matches on TV, those of barça. looking back, i realize how lucky i was that my father instilled this in me from a very young age, which means loving a club and admiring the colours. and how lucky to be able to say out loud that i have always been, am and will always be a culer.

"when i was 18 years old and had the option to come here, the decision was made on my own. i still remember that day and what o heard that girl who had grown up being a barça fan, the one who screamed and jumped when they scored goals and the one who cried and got angry when they lost, she had before her the opportunity of her life to wear the blaugrana shirt, but this time an official one with her name on it. and this dream, when it came true the first moment i set foot in the ciutat esportiva, was wonderful. after ten years i leave feeling even culer than i was before, if that is possible and we feel privileged to have been part of the best team in the world.

"the truth is that i couldn't describe in words what barça means to me, and that's why you can imagine how difficult it was to make the decision to leave. barça is my life and barça has changed my life. that is why i wanted to take advantage of this moment to dedicate a few words to those who have been part of this path in the first place, the president and the board of directors. you have made all this possible with a firm and real commitment to women's football and to us. without you this story would be totally different. you have given us the tools to develop as professionals and you have given me the best gift of being able to play at camp nou, my family, my mother and my brother, my godmother, my aunts and uncles cousins you have followed me every step of the way and have always shown me your unconditional support. i know you've enjoyed this stage as much as i have and you've been a huge part of it all.

to you, dad, who was the one who took me up and down when i played in amateur fields. i wouldn't know how to explain to you that i have managed to win three champions leagues with your beloved barça and play in front of a camp nou. i wish i didn't have to leave so early because i know you would have enjoyed it more than anything. but what has marked ends and for every title raised i promise you that you have been there, because this has always been our dream and that is why i hope that, wherever you are right now, you will be very proud of me.

to my friends for loving me and helping me and always being by my side, to the technical staff, i thought you were crazy about football, but yours is worth studying. you have made me love this sport even more and you have passed on your passion to me. no one had ever told me about bases and squares, chains or body orientation. i am the player i am today because of you. you have taught me so much and made me believe in myself. i hope that despite the training tantrums, you are aware of how much i respect and admire you. and i would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the trust you have placed in me, along with the other members of the coaching staff and club workers. you are many and very important. your work is more invisible, but do you know that you are essential to us.

to the press and the fans. thank you for embracing us and pushing us as you have. and finally, to the most important ones, to my colleagues. sharing this adventure with you has been the best part. no one but us can imagine the effort we have put in, nor the sacrifice we have made to get to where we are. we all know it has not been easy, but it has been worth it because we are a unique team. you have made me proud to be part of this historic group, and not only for all the sporting achievements, but for all the social impact we have achieved and the image we have given to the whole world. It's not just wins, but how we won. that's why i can only thank you for making me enjoy football and for making me a better player. we will miss you very much. but i will always follow closely and celebrate your successes as my own. i wish you the best and hopefully football or life will offer us a reunion. i would also like to make a special mention to Xavi Llorens for giving me the opportunity to come here and marc for making such a farewell possible, they are always in good tune, despite the difficulty and pressure of the last few months. with my hand on my heart. i just have to thank you again. i am proud and happy to be a part of this great family. visca el barça now and forever."

#mariona caldentey #fcb femení #futfem #woso #catalan #translation by me

[writteninlunarlight-years]

~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~

This is a lovely commission from a moon of mine. They wish to be anonymous, but I do have a brief description of the headcanons. I would like their reactions to finding out their s/o is self-harming, how they would try to help them day to day, and what new coping strategies they would suggest/get them to try. I'd like this with Lucifer, Alastor, and Vox. Romantic Lucifer, Alastor & Vox caring for Reader

TW: SELF-HARM MENTIONED, COPING SKILLS (These may not work for everyone), ANGST/FLUFF

Lucifer:

When Lucifer found you that day, he was devastated. You were so frail and small in his arms, and it hurt his soul.

He cleaned you up carefully and bandaged all your wounds. Holding you close to his chest, telling you how much you mean to him.

It was common knowledge to everyone how much he cared for you and how he compared you to the angels in heaven themselves.

He didn't leave your side for weeks, helping you through every emotion and thought that crossed your mind.

He was honestly a little overbearing, making you feel worse that he was dedicating his whole life to you.

When you brought this up with him, he calmed down on the clinginess but still routinely checked up on you.

He enlisted Charlie and Vaggie, two of the people he trusted most in the world next to you, to find better ways to help you avoid reverting to harm.

He took the learned material seriously and began helping you set up healthy routines again slowly.

He helped you with big tasks that felt way too much at the time while still giving you the independence you needed.

He made sure you two went on 'hot girl walks' once a day to help you get more vitamin D.

He conjured a whole gym area for you in the hotel after learning the endorphins in exercise would help.

If you ever had a dark day or a bad event, he would re-cling himself to you.

Even if you protested, he was right there, ready to go and assist you.

He told you daily how much he loved and cared for you and helped remind you how needed you are in this realm.

Alastor:

Alastor rarely felt broken in his human or demon life. Not often did anything shake him to his core.

The day he found you, though, near death and fading, he was a broken man indeed.

You were not allowed to leave his arms no matter how hard Charlie or other inhabitants asked him to let you be looked at by another.

He had years of wound care experience, so he took to cleaning and tending to you.

Was it mentioned that he was in complete demon form the whole time? Well, he was, and he was so angry at the world but so gentle with you.

He wasn't as clingy as Lucifer; instead, he was a silent observer, only coming when asked.

He refused to let you out of his sight, though, making sure that if you weren't physically with him, his shadow was nearby.

He basically destroyed your room by looking for anymore harmful objects. He made up for it, though, by getting you brand-new everything.

"A brand new you is refreshing, my love letting go of the bad.'

He helped you dye and cut your hair when you decided to go with the whole new me look.

He took your eating habits to heart and ensured you had three meals a day, all prepared by him.

Good nutrients would significantly improve your mental health and give you more energy and stamina.

Every morning, when he woke by your side, he would remind you, "You are never fully dressed without a smile, my love."

Vox:

Vox is a big baby on almost anything, especially when things don't go his way or play out how he expects them to.

He never expected to be serious and somber about anything detrimental until he found you that day.

He was terrified of losing you, and his immediate reaction was to hold you close and get you to a hospital.

Man has every tech device in Pentagram City, but he knew what you needed was far beyond his scammy gizmos and gadgets.

Once in the hospital, he was pacing the room, wearing a grove into the floor.

Once you were cleared and ready to go home, he asked you simple fundamental questions, ranging from a simple "why" to a more in-depth "How can I help you?"

He knew that when you answered in shrugs and 'I don't know,' he would have to do the grunt work to help his love.

He talked to doctor after doctor and scoured the web to find all the best remedies to help you.

He took up yoga with you, and right after yoga ended, he would sit with you in a warm bath and talk about what you thought.

When you fully started opening up to him about the dark thoughts clouding your brain, he was already prepared to help.

He helped you cleanse your social media and even recommended good, worthy shows to distract you from your thoughts.

Vox loved you more than life itself and couldn't imagine a world without you in it.

He made sure every day you knew that you would look in the mirror at him lovingly holding you and remind yourself of that, too.

#headcanon #x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin #hazbinhotel #hotel hazbin #hazbin alastor #hazbin lucifer #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel fandom #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #vox x reader #vox #vox hazbin hotel #lunarwritings #moons

[etherealsworldvision]

What is a step you can take toward your own well-being?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about: Marine Conservation Institute. They’re a non-profit organization working to defend our ocean by advocating for stronger protection and to save the ocean for all of us and future generations. If you’re interested do check them out and if you’d like to further support this organization click donate.

New song discovery for the reading: Elijah Waters - Perfectly Silent

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ Collective Messages: 234 (or 2:34? I’m not religious but for some reason I got this?); Leaving the past behind; Elevating; Patience; Timing; Learning to walk again; Stumbling; Material abundance; Getting news about material/job offers; Your confirmation is Yes; Positive changes; Water wheel finally turning; Think before speaking; Rainbows and Sunshine. Mars Placements.]

Pile 1

“My head is like a washing machine. Tried to wash away these thoughts, still can’t get clean.”

Cards: 9 of Wands Reversed; Emperor; 10 of Cups Reversed; Empress Reversed; 2 of Hearts; Queen of Clubs; Six of Clubs

[ Messages: Stubborn; Self-Sabotage; Fear of Change; Overthinking; Stagnation; “Just Do It”; Red Sox; Baseball; Taking initiative; Ares; Aries placement; Coffee; Accepting your heart; Janine Teagues; “Things will go wrong whether you’re doing what you want or not. For me, regrets are always harder to live with than consequences. I don’t regret […] living my life to the fullest […] it’ll be alright, trust me.”– Mr. Johnson ( Abbott elementary S3EP14 timestamp 16:10 - 17:08). ]

The first thing standing out to me is your emotional and mental health. You may be experiencing a time where you’re unable to take care of yourself. This isn’t to shame you, I just want to acknowledge that you’re already doing enough. If no one said this to you today; I am so proud of you. Another thing I do want to say is: please reach out to your support system or check in with yourself. Honestly you don’t need to prove anything to be deserving of love and happiness. It’s okay to want and need something that emotionally fulfills you.

I feel like this pile is very independent and an over-thinker which can cause burnout, as well as aiding in self-sabotaging tendencies. For some reason I feel like you may “psych yourself out of it,” meaning you’re so excited about something only to get worried before having a chance. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow but it needs to be said. Self-sabotaging and overthinking is what’s holding you back. You may be experiencing Imposter Syndrome and Control issues as a result.

With the emperor, empress, and queen of clubs here — you are very much qualified to go after what you want. It does look like you're someone who knows what to do, is aware of the things you need, and what you want. I don’t know if it is a job or related to your social life, however, there’s this feeling of being overqualified for something or feeling deserving of more/better.

There is also a confirmation here that things will get better and you will get what you want. However, it is you who decides to go after it. I do recommend looking up books about self-sabotaging or YouTube videos about this topic. If you are in therapy, maybe this is a subject you’d like to bring up?

A good question to ask yourself is: What have I always accepted as true that turned out to be false?

So that’s all I’m getting. I know this reading is short and straightforward. I would like to say thank you for taking your time reading this and I hope this reading resonates with you.

Pile 2

[ Cards: King of Swords; The Devil Reversed; Page of Wands; Queen of Cups; King of Spades; 3 of Hearts; Jack of Diamonds; 5 of Hearts ]

Messages: Retreating; Refuting; Verbally Vindictive; 3H Mars; Leo or Cancer Mars; Fire and Water Placements; Trauma Dumping; Changes in Communication; Online Regina George Trope; Air Signs (Specifically Suns); Birthdays; Online Personality; Healing; Dictator - Rei Ami; YouTube commentary or essays about online ( trends )

I feel a bit overwhelmed when reading this pile. As if I have to be someone I’m not? I feel that social media is really coming in, especially TikTok/Twitter discourses. There’s this sense of having to upkeep and over consume to be considered a: ✨main character✨ otherwise “you’re just not cool and an utterly boring, basic loser, yuck 🤢 🤮, You’re not even a side character yikes.” /J (I am using sarcasm and joking).

For some of you I get the feeling that this could be stemming from social media addiction, others it may be, that you are embodying the online personality. Over all this just feels like a huge weight on your shoulders or a ball and chain on your leg. In an odd way; maybe your phone or whatever you use is home to you? It’s where you can express yourself via feelings, personality, opinions, etc. This is in no way to shame you at all. I also use social media and so does the next person, right?

There’s this need to give yourself a balance again. To double check with yourself on how you’re feeling after using social media. I feel most of you are ready to gain control of your media consumption or at least contemplate the effects it has on you. Taking a step back from social media — maybe trying out a hobby or just reconnecting to something that makes you feel like you may help.

Also if you want YouTube recommendations on over consuming let me know, I can send you the links. The number one takeaway is that it’s okay to be yourself. You being you is main character energy. No amount of products, social media influenced personality, or aesthetics can take that away from you. You are enough, I promise you that. It’s okay to want to change but if you’re feeling influenced by something that isn’t true to you then you might want to ponder on that and ask if that is really what you resonate with.

A good question to ask yourself is: What is one small step I can take today towards a goal that feels out of reach?

That’s all I’m getting for you pile 2! If you stuck around this far I’d like to say thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it and hope you resonate with this reading.

Pile 3

[ Cards: 4 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles Reversed; Five of Pentacles Reversed; Queen of Cups; 9 of Diamonds; 6 of Diamonds; Queen of Diamonds; Ace of Hearts ]

Messages; Open mind and heart; Chihiro by Billie Eilish; Money Growth; Finances; Earth and Water placements; Fear of Missing Out; Take out; Diners; Over consumption; Capitalism; Low Income; 111; Unemployment

( Tw: financial experience and control issues. Disclaimer: for some reason I feel called to talk about my financial experience and how I dealt with this. Maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for in my experience? )

So I had been unemployed for two years then found a job for 3 months then unemployed again for a year. When I tell you, I searched for a job everywhere, I mean everywhere! I applied everywhere and every time. I even tried to save what I could and budget with what I had (I live with my family and occasionally would get money. I understand/am aware of the privilege and support I have. I’m also very grateful and appreciate them)

I yelled at the universe, cried, and had sleepless nights. However, what helped me (besides living with my family) through this tough time is to focus on things I can control while applying for jobs. That’s what honestly made me stay afloat. So maybe this is what can help you during this trying time?

Finding a (free) third place meaning: the park, public library, or just a walk may help ease a bit of tension. Sometimes journaling or confiding with someone will help as well. Doing something that helps you remain in the present and eases the anxiousness could help. I know this may not be what you were looking for and I wish I can give you financial advice but that is not my forte.

There is only so much control we have when it comes to finances and it is certainly not a lesson from the universe or it’s not happening to you or happening for you. I don't care what they say, it is not a lesson! It is just an unfortunate situation to be in, it just is. Like yes you can learn from it but it is not something (pre)destined or “contract” written. It just happens and we live in late stage capitalism. That’s me being real with you.

So yeah, I’m sorry for the little tangent. What I am getting is to fill your emotional cup for the meantime. Yes, do what you need to do with your finances; finding a job or to save/budget money whatever you can do to the best of your abilities.

You just have to remember to do things that are within your control and to not neglect your emotional/mental health. If singing, drawing, talking, or simple things like cloud watching helps you stay present and makes you feel in control then by all means do that.

I’m not saying to use escapism but I am saying to do your best to emotionally check in with yourself from time to time. Also if you have a support system do talk with them or be around them. A good question to ask yourself is: “Who do I feel most myself around? Why?”

This is all that I’m getting for the reading. I hope this reading resonates. Again, I am so sorry if I made things worse or didn’t help! Please remember to check in with yourself — take care :)

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot pick a card #tarotblr #pick a picture #tarot readers of tumblr #tarotreading #music discovery #new music #Spotify #mars placements #sagittarius #sagittarius placements #air placements #Gemini #gemini placements #aquarius placements #aquarius #libra placements #Libra #taurus #taurus placements #capricorn #capricorn placements #virgo placements #Virgo #earth signs #air signs #fire signs

[smallmightsupremacy]

Why we are getting a dvk3

So. The war is over now, and everything is supposed to go back to normal, right?

Wrong. I don't know about you, but this recent chapter was... a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least. We went from the highs of graduation to a mysterious new character all the way to some panels showing how Izuku isn't doing well mentally. And I have a lot of thoughts about that last point in particular. Especially for what this means for Izuku and Katsuki's relationship going forward. So, well before reading this chapter, I was a firm believer that we were going to get a dvk3. It just makes sense, right? Every pivotal moment of their relationship has been a dvk moment, so it wouldn't be a stretch to assume that the third pivotal moment of them becoming true equals would be a dvk too. Not convinced? Well, I'm going to breakdown one specific moment in this chapter and explain why this makes me even more sure that we're getting a dvk3 The moment I'm referring too is Izuku's interaction with Ochako:

We start off with Izuku looking off into the distance after hearing the words "why I wanted to become a hero" from Mawata. It wouldn't be a stretch to assume that those words were enough to make him reflect on himself and beliefs; to reflect on his own why. Why exactly did he become a hero?

Well, we already know the answer to that: to save people with a smile.

But in the final war, did Izuku actually achieve that? He doesn't seem fully convinced about that idea:

He believes that he didn't fully save Tenko, and those feelings of self-hatred, of not being good enough rose to the surface when the why of becoming a hero was brought up. Hence, his pensive expression in that first frame. Clearly Izuku's going through some turmoil right now. Self-hatred, emptiness, probably no sense of direction about where he wants to go in his life now that he's quirkless... the list goes on. So what does he decide to do about it? He approaches Ochako:

Maybe it's to talk about her moment on the UA rooftop which was referenced just before, but it doesn't seem that way. They've already talked about that moment already, why bring it up again? I mean, you could argue that it's Izuku telling her not to be so humble or embarrassed over that moment, but his reaction when she changes the direction of the conversation says otherwise:

He looks so upset, like he wanted to truly talk about his feelings with a trusted friend. The war is over. There's no need for him to control his heart again. He can finally talk about his feelings... yet he gets brushed off.

The fact that this panel of him frowning is right next to one of Ochako laughing says A LOT too It wasn't an accident that this panel of Izuku was put next to one of Ochako smiling. This was done for a reason. I think that reason is to showcase Izuku reaching a realization-- the realization that everyone is starting to move on from the war and smile again while he's stuck in a slump. I think it's in that panel, where he decides that he won't try to talk about his feelings again. If he does, then he'll bring down the mood and no one will be smiling anyone. Remember, Izuku still blames himself for the reason why his class got targeted, so he probably blames himself for them getting injured and upset from the war too. In his mind, the least he can do is keep quiet about his feelings and suffer in silence at the gain of everyone else's happiness. That being said, this is by no means an attack on Ochako's character at all. She's a great friend to Izuku- hell, that's probably the reason why he decided to go to her specifically to talk about his feelings -but I think there's a part of her that doesn't want to talk about what happened in the war either.

Even if there was, she still would've said something or shown concern if she could truly see how much the war was impacting Izuku. Instead, she misses it. She misses it because, as close as they are, she's the person from class 1A that knows Izuku second best. So that leaves only one person who can help Izuku process his feelings: the one person that knows Izuku best; the one person that will be able to see through his guise of pretending to be alright and save him before he reaches the point of self-destruction; the same person that has proven that they can and will do something like that time and time again. Sound familiar? Yeah. Katsuki is the only one that can help Izuku right now.

But it's not going to pretty. I'm not necessarily saying that dvk3 will involve a fight. On the contrary, I think that's the last thing that should happen for a multitude of reasons: Katsuki is still recovering, their relationship is at the point where they can have vulnerable conversations without throwing punches (read: the hospital scene), and it wouldn't make sense at all to have them throwing punches. Izuku hasn't got a quirk anymore; against Katsuki, he doesn't stand a chance of winning the fight. And that just negates all their growth of becoming equals. So perhaps we shouldn't call it Deku vs Kacchan 3, but rather Deku AND Kacchan 3 It's going to be a fight of them accepting feelings; both each other's and their own. There's going to be crying and tears and so much pain, but it's going to end up with Katsuki reaching out to Izuku so we can get that long awaited and incredibly foreshadowed handhold. So we can see that Katsuki still sees Izuku as an equal, quirk or no quirk.

At least, that's what I hope. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this too!!

#bnha #mha #mha manga spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #mha 425 #bnha 425 #bkdk #bakudeku #katsuki bakugou #bakugo katuski #bakugou katsuki #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha meta #bnha meta

[thigholstercas]

So I wanted to have all these parts of scripts that I love with destiel moments that were erased, changed, or added context in one place. Bare in mind that there are some that are Production Drafts and others Writer's Drafts, and so on.

4x02 - Are you there, God? It's me, Dean Winchester

Oh honey, he's gonna be your husband

Honestly, I'm just putting this here because I love this scene.

5x04 - The End

Cas received the order to follow Dean's commands once, and he sticked to it up 'til the end of everything.

7x17 - Born again identity

Just remember, this was after everything that happened in season 6 and widow!dean arc 1.0

Forward to Cas' speech in 15x18, yes the parallels.

Swear this is a whole Dean thesis. If we go back to what started this whole thing in tmwwbk. Dean tells Cas, we can fix this. And he never stopped wanting to fix it.

8x17 - Goodby Stranger

Like, I know they established that it didn't make sense for Dean to say I love you here, which fair, and we ended up which I need you (somehow worse).

But if we look at this as a whole, what Dean might understand is that saying I love you makes people leave him. Fastforward to the part when Dean takes the sigils so Cas can find him and Naomi visits and tells him that Cas doesn't return his feelings. Fastforward again to the You didn't trust me because even if we get to know that it was hard for Cas to leave with the tablet, away from Dean, Dean doesn't. For Dean, he left him, without even acknowledging that he loves/needs him, ignored him, and didn't trust him. Imagine you say I love you and you are left feeling abandoned, betrayed, and angry.

8x19 - Taxi Driver

This in the middle of I love you, and You didn't trust me is something

8x22 - Clip show

The one guy that's always had your back.

9x22 - Stairway to Heaven

Don't know what they smoked to write this, but I want some

10x23 - Brother's Keeper

You'll see the word shattered used a lot. This very much both destiel and drowley imo.

Season 12 is weirdly filled with these, so here are special mentions (because the max of pictures is 30 and there are too many moments). Most likely, it has to do with the market research by the end of 2016, which is why from 12-15, these scenes are more emotionally charged.

Mary saying Good friend when Dean and Cas hug in 12x01

Cas told Mary I promised (Dean) when they were talking outside the barn before going in to help Dean save Sam in 12x02

Dean telling Mary Get him outta here! when Cas was wounded in 12x12. And of course, when Cas says the things they have shared changed him (but that's on screen)

Cas texts? from 12x16

Dean is a worried husband on 12x18.

Dean explaining that no matter how much Cas messed up, did the wrong thing, or every dumb move he got it in 12x20. Cas was always Cas.

12x10 - Lily Sunder has some regrets

Dean telling Cas he has changed, and it has all been for the good. Again, forward to 15x18.

12x19 - The Future

This whole episode is charged with scenes from Dean and Cas. Like you have the angry Welcome home from Dean when Cas returns from Heaven. Dean calls Cas a super strong dude in a trenchcoat. The mixtape scene with the That was a gift. To keep. And Dean softening a bit even if he's angry because he's more worried.

But I think the biggest one is this one. The destiel sex scene (jk)

And after this, even though it is said in the show. There is more insistence from Dean to not let go of Cas -> We're not gonna let you just walk away. Not again. Not happening.

12x23 - All Along the Watchtower

The word shattered is mentioned a lot in the scripts. This is every part that describes Dean's reactions after losing Cas. Forward to 15x18.

13x06 - Tombstone

This is one of the best things that never happened in the show. You have Dean choking down his emotions saying he's much better now and Cas who fought with the empty with everything he had in 13x04 to return to Dean, coming to a meadow near a windmill because Dean thought he'd like it.

13x14 - Good Intentions

Forget about the in love part. They are best friends, and we didn´t get this.

13x20 - Unfinished Business

He lost Cas and it damn near broke him. Not we lost Cas, I.

14x12 - Prophet and Loss

Losing Dean was unacceptable. Cas said that losing Dean was unacceptable. And Dean got emotional. And then forward to 15x18, Cas just goes no, Dean can't die because that'd be unacceptable to me, so i'll sacrifice. And then, Dean gets emotional. Again. But for Dean, the unacceptable happened.

15x09 - The Trap

Forward to 15x20. In this future that Chuck showed Sam that he lost Dean the second Cas was gone.

Have I said how much they used the word shattered. Anyway, Dean wanted Cas to stay. That's his best friend.

He's amazing.

15x18 - Despair

This is not that different from what it was filmed, it is just that seeing it described makes it different. Especially when you get things as Still beautiful, still Dean Winchester, Dean is emotional, stunned, shocked. And have I said how much they used the word shattered. Also, you can see how it starts as a confession because Cas is confessing that he made a deal, but then it ends as a declaration, a declaration of love. Which makes testament such a good word for it.

15x19 - Inherit the Earth

The fact that Dean couldn't say Cas was gone

He's not the ultimate killer. He's not daddy's blunt instrument. He's someone who raised his little brother for love, who fought for the world for love and the most caring man on Earth

15x20 - Carry On

We don't talk about this episode because the script has way too many [omitted] but this is exactly what happened in 15x09 when Chuck showed their future to Sam if they followed the road they were taking.

Okay, that was it. Probably missed some, but for me, these are the parts that stand out.

#destiel #spn #spn scripts #deancas

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hello! First of all I wanted to say that damn I love your fics, they give me so much gender euphoria and are so validating. Second, I understand if you feel unconfortable with this request but how do you think Homelander would react to reader's self harm scars? Since he's basically a god, I wouldn't be suprised by how a "fragile little creature" like a human could do this and why.

John Gillman/Homelander x male reader

Headcanons

idk why i chose this gif, he just looks so cute here.

I ignore how in canon hed probably be a horrible guy about it. I am a firm fanon believer.

In the beginning I don’t even really think John would register that his lover has self-harm scars, since it’s never something he’s thought about himself. I imagine he’s had self-harming thoughts before sure, but never cutting himself since nothing can cut through him.

Hes probably tried to hurt himself one way or another, since he isn’t really the best place mentally, or when he thinks he isn’t doing good enough and whatnot.

But at first it doesn’t really click for him, since he’s so unused to seeing scars since he has none himself. It would probably take John longer than he would like to admit for it all to make sense, and it would be after you got comfortable enough to go around in short sleeves.

Maybe you think he’s just always known, since he’s got x-ray vision and all that, so he must have known from the beginning, right? And he just never said anything about it. yeah, not really.

He will act like that’s how it all went, because there’s no way Johns gonna admit that he didn’t notice something so important, no matter if they are old or fresh. If they’re fresh, John would build a habit of checking on you every time he sees you, just in case, you know?

He might still do this, even if they are old and you haven’t done it in a long time. Because who knows, maybe things become so stressful that you need that outlet again.

Shamefully, to John at least, the hero would find himself going online to check it out. Hes got no training in mental illness or how to deal with that, which messes with him since he’s supposed to be perfect.

So he finds himself on different forums, from both people who have done it, and partners of people who have self-harmed, reading into how they deal with it or react. John being, well, John, would probably grow annoyed because its all types of emotionally vulnerable stuff, something he’s horrible at.

There is also little chance he would bring it up, at least in the beginning. Again, because it’s a new ground he’s never been on, and its an emotional conversation he can’t figure out how to navigate.

The conversation would end up coming up as you two are cuddling, and John finds himself carefully stroking the area with the scars, trying to comprehend why and how you would do that. What did you go through? There might also be some guilt, since he couldn’t save you from whatever made you self-harm, even if you guys didn’t even know each other at the time.

It would end up with you explaining it to him, since you guys are in a relationship and its all built on trust, right? And he’s been so chill about it this entire time, so why not tell him.

You almost get a heart attack when he starts getting glossy eyes and his bottom lip wobbles just a little, because John has been stressed about this since he figured it out, and he just doesn’t know how to react or what to do.

In the end its you that has to comfort him, and explain that it isn’t a big deal and nothing to cry about. But you also know it’s a new experience for John. Theres also some fear in John, since seeing your scars make your morality so clear. If you could get scars from that, imagine what others could do to you.

After some cuddling and comforting, John would tell you strictly to never do it again. You cant take him seriously though, since his usually styled hair is all mused and his eyes are pink around the edges, and, he’s pouting again.

You promise not too though, since it gets him to smile a little and cuddle you again, clinging to you as hard as he dares with his super strength. You make him vulnerable, and the Homelander part of him doesn’t like that, but the John part of him basks in it, at how human you make him feel.

Maybe hed even let slip that he had thoughts like that too, even if he couldn’t cut or burn himself like you could. That just means his self-harm shone through in more mental or extreme ways.

John builds a habit of brushing his fingers or kisses over your scars, not just the self-harm ones, but all of them. Its part to remind himself that you are so fragile, but also to remind him that you are alive and there with him.

He won’t admit this though, since its cheesy. And he grows embarrassed if you ever bring it up, making him grumble and walk away to pout. It never lasts, and he’s back not long after.

#male reader #homelander #john gillman #the boys #homelander x male reader #homelander x reader #homelander imagine #homelander headcanon #john gillman imagine #john gillman headcanon #john gillman x male reader #john gillman x reader #the boys imagine #the boys headcanon #the boys x male reader #the boys x reader

[alyrasturnz]

PETER {{ matt sturniolo }}

summary — you find yourself grappling with the passage of three long years since the promise was made, yet the anticipated return remains elusive, casting a shadow of uncertainty over your heart and mind. the lingering question of whether he will ever fulfill his sweet nothings linger like haunting whispers in your thoughts

warnings ;; mentions of alcohol , gore mentioned if you squint

— angst!

it the gut wrenching feeling of your heart splintering into myriad fragments, tears meandering down your visage in intricate rivulets, reminiscent of the essence of your being seeping from your inert vessel.

the very last breath relinquishing from the depths of your being, mirroring the conclusive caress you shall ever grace upon his lips.

that’s how it felt like. the sensation mirrored the cold embrace of mortality itself.

it was akin to the feeling of parting ways with someone you never intended to depart from. it felt as though a fragment of your essence had vanished, leaving behind only the visceral remnants seeping from the core of your existence.

it was as if existence itself had become an illusion, a mere facade of vitality. though your physical form remained animated, with a pulsing heart and functioning lungs, the essence of life seemed to elude you. lying motionless in your bed, gaze fixed upon the ceiling, devoid of movement or cogitation, a silent observer of your own subdued presence.

the third anniversary of your separation from matt had arrived. his solemn vow to mature and seek you out had dissolved into the void, his hollow promises echoing like a haunting melody, draining every ounce of hope from the depths of your soul.

you held onto his words like precious gems, trusting his assurances that the fault lay not with you, but with the passage of time. every pledge he made, every vow he uttered, you embraced with unwavering faith, convinced that time alone stood as the sole adversary between you.

he said it was just goodbye for now.

you've journeyed through countless seasons, yet the grip of the past refuses to loosen its hold on you. in the depths of your contemplation, you ponder whether he remains the enigmatic mind reader, the innate master of stealing the spotlight in every scene.

In the intricate dance of fate, blame never found its place upon his shoulders. the capricious goddess of timing, with her whimsical ways, stood as the true adversary. despite your earnest efforts beneath the shared moon, the cruel revelation dawned upon you that you existed in separate galaxies, destined to traverse divergent paths.

you stood as a silent witness to his triumphs, beholding the realization of every aspiration he had shared with you, every dream that had ignited his soul since childhood.

you shield the truth of your anticipation with unwavering resolve, never to divulge, while the flickering flame of hope persists, casting its glow upon the passage of time.

you harbored a mix of longing and anger towards him, a tumultuous blend of emotions swirling within you like a raging tempest whenever his memory surfaced. despite his assurance of a temporary farewell, absolution never found its place upon him.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

“it doesn’t have to be like this, matt,” your tear-filled eyes beseeched earnestly. “please. let’s just try”

“we tried. you tried, i tried. we've given our all, but, the pieces do not align," matt exhaled heavily, his head shaking in resignation. “it’s not working, y/n.”

the weight of his words struck you like a thunderbolt, sending a sharp pang reverberating through the chambers of your heart. the sensation of your heart fracturing into countless shards mirrored the tears cascading down your cheeks, painting a portrait of profound sorrow and emotional tumult.

“so what? you're calling it off?” you whispered softly, the words hanging in the air like a delicate veil of uncertainty. the weight of those few syllables carried a profound sense of finality, a moment frozen in time where the echoes of your voice seemed to reverberate with unspoken emotions, leaving a lingering question mark in the stillness of the room.

“no, I'm not," matt declared, his gaze meeting yours as he drew nearer. “it’s just goodbye for now. i promise, y/n, i’ll seek you out when the time is right."

it was an unavoidable outcome. prior to embarking on this relationship, he forewarned you of the potential unfolding of events in this manner. his personal aspirations demanded his undivided attention, leaving scant remnants for you.

you were entangled in a toxic web, yet your yearning for him was insatiable. his presence became as vital to you as the air you breathe, an indispensable necessity for your very existence. each breath you took felt incomplete without him, your lungs aching for his essence as your heart echoed its longing for him.

“we'll cross paths again?” you inquired, the tremor in your voice betraying the depth of your emotions, tears cascading down your cheeks like a relentless stream of sorrow.

“yes,” matt murmured, his tone laced with a sense of urgency, drawing you close as he captured your lips in a fervent embrace. “when we can handle it. when we're ready. when theres nothing in the way and your well-being reigns as the sole focus."

tears cascaded down your face, mingling with his own, as you reunited your lips once more in a poignant connection.

you withdrew, a profound stillness enveloping the room, before fixing your gaze upon him for a final moment. tenderly cradling his face in your hand, he surrendered to the moment, closing his eyes in quiet surrender.

his gaze met yours, a silent exchange that conveyed volumes beyond the reach of words. with a faint smile, you nodded in understanding before gracefully stepping away, leaving unspoken sentiments lingering in the air.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

the aroma of alcohol saturated your senses, the vessel cradled in your hands, your vision weighed down by its effects, while the symphony of the bar's music danced subtly in the background, adding layers to the ambiance.

the complexity of the situation deepened as you grappled with the internal conflict of straying from your usual habits, recognizing the necessity to purge his lingering presence from your thoughts.

the intricate web of circumstances entwined around you as your companions coerced you into this night out, knowing your reluctance to venture forth since matt.

the pulsating club scene unfolded before you, your friends immersed in the chaotic dance of fleeting connections, either lost in the rhythm with unfamiliar partners on the dance floor or ensconced in the front seat of a stranger’s car

the strands of hair gently tucked behind your ears, your eyes shutting in contemplation, followed by a subtle shake of your head, signifying a moment of introspection amidst the chaos surrounding you.

amidst the tangled threads of emotions, you grapple with the enigma that is the concept of one-night stands, questioning the motives behind the players who toy with hearts like pieces on a board. despite your unwavering belief in love, the complexities of this generation make it a Herculean task to hold onto that belief with unwavering faith.

matt thought the same.

he unveiled to you a realm of love so profound, so uniquely tailored, that it transcended the boundaries of conventional understanding. through his actions, he gently nudged you towards the realization that perhaps your musings on love were not mere illusions but rather fragments of a deeper truth waiting to be unveiled.

in the labyrinth of your emotions, a fear lingers like a shadow, whispering doubts about your ability to bare your soul to another as you did with matt. the depth of your love for him resonates with such intensity that you find yourself contemplating the notion of offering your very heart, a symbol of your devotion, should he ever seek it.

the ache of his absence reverberates through the very core of your being, a poignant reminder of the profound connection you shared with him that remains unmatched by any other relationship in your life.

exhaling a deep sigh, you gently set the glass upon the polished bar counter, the clink barely audible over the din of the room, before rising gracefully and proceeding deeper into the labyrinthine depths of the bustling bar.

you've downed one too many, the liquid courage coursing through your veins, blurring the edges of reality as you navigate the labyrinth of intoxication and self-reflection.

“y/n?”

#Spotify #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matt x reader #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo #taylor swift #angst #sturniolo angst #christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut

[ionlysurviveoncaffine]

This was inspired by @cuppajj’s beast ancients au! So, credits to them! Also this will feature my oc, Choco-mochi cookie! I might make a part two, but that’s still not determined yet.

Chapter One

Preclude:

Tw: has triggering things like forced-isolation and neglect. Read at your own discretion or don’t read if that’s uncomfortable for you. Remember, this is fiction. If that’s what’s happening to you, then get help and know that there always a way to get out of the situation. Remember that you are loved and you are amazing.

Mochi cookie was never the silent nor stoic one in the palace. They were the emotional one who always spoke the loudest when to came to their passions, their curiosities, and their ideas. In a land where the stoic and strong prevailed, it was a suprise that the second to the throne was so…full of emotion and curiosity. At one point, they would ask questions everyday and all day. Why was the licorice sea black? Why did they have to not eat so many sweets? Or why can’t they be friends with everyone? And what was more was that they’d ask these silly questions to anyone, including their father Dark Cacao. Yes, the King of the Dark Cacao kingdom before he became…the cookie he was now.

But now? Oh, the young cookie was so scared. The same cookie, the same man, and the same king that swore to protect them, had failed them. Any and all questions were seen as a threat. As something that was making the same starry eyed child warp into a threat that would take over the kingdom in his eyes. While freezing them would work, he couldn’t do that. So, he decided for a more merciful approach. In order to cease this threat, he’d just, lock her in a cold room. Alone. At first, the young cookie thought maybe they had done something wrong. So, they tried to regain their father’s approval by trying to be stoic or strong. Of course, the only thing that landed her was silence from him. He didn’t acknowledge it nor did he seem to pay mind to her. So, she tried to make her presence known by doing the one thing that she did best: talking. However, after a few sentences in, she was promptly yelled at for speaking out of line and forcibly dragged into the room.

“Insolence and impudence must be snuffed”. was his reasoning. Such bold and audacious questions and talk would possibly cause the kingdom to loose control. And what then? What would become of this kingdom other than an another piece of territory for the rest of his foes. It would become Dragonberry’s, or Midnight Lily’s. Or worse, it would be burnt ablaze by Saint Vanilla. So, with such twisted and paranoid thinking, he kept her inside. Inside a dark desolate castle that was silent.

The young cookie was so alone. They sobbed and cried as they went to the only cookies they could trust: Carmel Arrow and Crunchy Chip cookie. The two were once fiercely loyal to the king, but their loyalty was slipping as they saw the crushed hope and light of the child. They quietly gave comfort in the secrecy of the now paranoid king as they whispered soft comforts and let the child sob of their pain and fear. Well, that was there for a good while. At least until the only cookies Mochi trusted were forced to leave.

The event that led to Carmel and Crunchy’s departure was still a mystery to Mochi. Why would they leave? Why didn’t they bring her along? Were they also tired of her presence as well? They had more questions than ever, but it didn’t feel the same as before. It felt suffocating, burdensome, and downright painful. Were they truly alone in this castle? Mochi wandered the halls, as they pondered this. After the event, it seemed that everything was worse. It seemed that it was the nail in the coffin that would silence Mochi forever.

But no, this wouldn’t be the end. Not today, even after all the pain and suffering Mochi had been through, they were determined to find them. Determined to bring back light, determined to make things right. And most of all, now they wanted more to leave. To leave the hellhole that made them walk on eggshells. To find help, to find their lost family, and to regain their voice. So, when dusk had set and many were asleep, Mochi quietly packed their bags of the scarce yet precious belongings they still had, and snuck out to the desolate frozen land that was unforgiving as the castle.

(Authors note: man, this was crazy. Idk how many words, but this was my first one shot. Hopefully it’s good for y’all! Again credits to @cuppajj and their amazing beast ancients au!)

#beast ancients au #crk story #crk au #crk oc #Crk #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #frigid cacao cookie #Carmel arrow cookie #crunchy chip cookie #dark cacao cookie #tw neglect and forced isolation

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

hello love 💗

birthday prompt: ed is scared of their first time, because whenever he opened up to his exes/hook-ups, they always eventually hurt his feelings and he's terrified stede will, too.

modern au 💋

Lovely lovely prompt!!

--

Ed had never waited this long into a relationship before having sex before.

Honestly, it was nice, in a lot of ways. He and Stede got to know each other’s bodies slowly, learning each other without urgency. It wasn’t that they weren’t hungry for each other - they were - it was more that it was fun to have that time to take. 

Most of Ed’s relationships turned physical pretty quick. He liked knowing what it felt like to kiss Stede good morning before he knew what it was like to kiss him during sex. He liked that Stede was happy to brush his hair for him when he got out of the shower, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck but not asking for anything more. He liked that they got long, chaste cuddle sessions, and wandering hands could turn into a gentle, slow exploration of thighs and tummies and arms with no need for the haste of passion.

It was good! It was fun! It made his connection with Stede feel deep and earnest!

Ed was, also, stalling. Just a little bit.

Because, like, Stede was it for him. There was just no other way to put it. Ed knew, without a single doubt in his fucking mind, that if Stede left him tomorrow, he’d never get over it. He’d spend the rest of his life knowing that he’d met the love of his life, even if Stede decided he didn’t want to love him back.

And that was it. That was the rub. That was the pain in the fucking ass, right there.

Because sex was fun, yeah, but it was also vulnerable. And every single fucking time Ed had ever opened up to any of his boyfriends about what he wanted and his boundaries during sex - or, God fucking forbid, he dropped an I love you during the act…

They hadn’t just left him. They’d hurt him.

He’d learned not to tell guys what words to use when talking about his body, because they’d laugh and tell him that he didn’t get to make that choice. If he asked for it slow and sweet, he got laughed at. Even with hookups, guys seemed to take the fact that there was no emotional connection as free reign to do whatever they wanted, even and especially if it involved hurting Ed’s feelings.

There had been times he thought had gone well. He’d learned he couldn’t trust it. Even the ex he’d been most optimistic about, who had been sweet and listened to what Ed had asked…Ed had overheard him a couple weeks later with his friends, laughing about how Ed cried during sex.

It wasn’t fucking fair, and it sucked, and Ed couldn’t bear the thought of the same thing happening with Stede.

Non-sexual intimacy was amazing and new and excellent, sure, but he was terrified that the second he opened up, the second he got really vulnerable, the second they had sex…what if Stede hurt him?

Ed knew he was giving Stede an absolute monster of a mixed signal. They both wanted more. Stede had been amazing when Ed had asked to go slow, and he hadn’t pushed, but Ed wanted more, too, and he was getting to the point where he was being fucking weird about it. Like, the night before, he’d practically screamed in Stede’s face that he needed to call his dentist as an excuse to leave when his hand was literally down Stede’s pants.

There was a chance Ed might’ve just beat around the bush forever (literally, he’d never jerked off more often in his entire life), but Stede got to it first.

Ed had been about to tell he was worried, and that night, at the point where the kissing and heavy petting usually began, Stede had put his hand on his thigh, and he’d very softly asked Ed to tell him what he was doing wrong.

“Huh?” Ed recoiled. “No, babe, you haven’t -”

Stede frowned, like Ed was just being willfully obstinate. “Ed, every time we start taking things further, you seem really into it, and then you make up an excuse to leave. I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, because if you’re uncomfortable, then -”

“Stede.” Ed laid his hand over Stede’s, closing his eyes for courage. “You’ve been amazing.”

Stede swallowed visibly. “But?”

“But…” Ed took a deep breath. “I’m…kinda…sex hasn’t always been…great.”

Stede flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together properly. “You know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

It was that, that right there, the understanding and respect for Ed’s boundaries where everyone else would’ve pushed, that gave Ed the courage to soldier on.

“I want to,” he said. “But there are things you need to know, okay?”

Stede nodded earnestly, looking for all the world like a pupil ready to take notes.

“I don’t like some words for my body,” Ed said, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Stede’s face. He didn’t want to see the moment he got mad at him. “I just want you to call what I’ve got a cock and a hole, okay? Nothing else.”

“Okay,” Stede said, immediately, like it was just that easy.

Ed cracked an eye open. Stede’s expression was mild, alert but unoffended. Interesting.

“Okay,” Ed repeated. He hadn’t been sure he’d get this far, so he had to take a sec to gather his thoughts. “And, uh. I don’t want you to hit me, or choke me, or spit on me. At least not without asking first.”

Stede actually looked a bit angry, there, and Ed had a moment of panic before he realized the anger wasn’t meant for him. “Why would I do any of that without checking if you wanted it?”

So far, so fuckin’ good.

“Last thing,” Ed said. “Please don’t go around making fun of me. After.”

Stede’s mouth fell open, worked for a bit. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, at last, “never. I’d never do that. There’s nothing you could do that would make that okay.”

They didn’t have sex that night - Ed was still a bit too raw, and Stede was a bit too in his head. But the next day, Ed came home to a house filled with roses, and Stede had carefully laid a trail of flower petals to their bed, and when he stepped in the door Stede was there to take his hand like a princess.

Stede kissed his knuckles. “Ready?”

It was still a bit scary, to be vulnerable like that, especially after how it had gone before. But…Ed just couldn’t believe anymore that Stede would do anything to hurt him.

Ed wrapped his arms around Stede’s neck. “Ready.”

#ofmd fic #pccp's birthday fics

[tomnookishot]

although i feel i will most likely expand on it more in the future as i discover more about myself and the Aromantic Lifestyle, i think for now this might be my hatoful aro masterpost. this all has been on my mind for the past few weeks without me even recognising it and so i kinda just want to touch on uh. almost all of the main characters tbh.

when, a few years ago, i made those UGLY pride headcanon pieces (and yes i hate ALL of them now even yuuya and sakuya and i have considered remaking them but can't muster the willpower to do so) i think i was still weaning off of my inner asshole fandom gay who sat me down and told me "hey bitch. these fags better be AT LEAST bi or else you are homophobic. that's right you HOMOPHOBE i'll KILL YOU!!" as a baby gay i never felt like it was my place to say "hey i don't actually think these characters would be gay" or "i think the emotions projected onto them are not fully fleshed out or accurate to their personality" because i thought expressing a differing opinion made me an asshole, and in my defense there were and continue to be people who say that if you DON'T hc a character as queer, and queer in an acceptable way, then you are homophobic. but look at me now! i'm an asshole! and im defending the rights of aros everywhere 😤 (it's me it's literally just me im the only aro im defending). all of this is to say i have changed a lot of my opinions on the characters through my own exploration of them and through other people's inputs. and im here to tell YOU that you are AROPHOBIC if you don't hear me out and proceed to align all of your headcanons exactly with mine and then give me all of your money and you don't want to be aphobic now do you?

the character that i actually initially wanted to make an aro post about was my sweet normal-type trainer ryouta. i have to be honest with everyone. i actually think ryouta might be hetero. i honestly had no solid idea about his identity when i made my omni hc i genuinely just looked up a list of pride flags so i could say something interesting and im not fucking joking. it was a different time in my life. i actually don't think he would have an interest in men. i just don't read it in him. he admires male characters but that hardly goes beyond signs of genuine friendship. if anything i can see what people say about him after bbl with sakuya but like. is it inappropriate for me to say that i see it as. sometimes going through a traumatic experience with a friend and then having them want you to be safe could be a sign of platonic bonding and trust. i am not sure if ill bring this up more in this post but genuinely one of my least favorite things about internet fandom culture is having to defend yourself when saying a pair of characters might be friends. it so often devolves into arophobia and the devaluing of friendship when I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROMANCE AND FRIENDSHIP in the FIRST PLACE. im not here to say you're WRONG for reading it as romantic. in fact i think in this case it's lowkey fair to do so. but not only is my reading different, i would like to ask an audience that doesn't agree to go into the rest of this post being mindful of the prejudices that are involved with being deeply defensive about romantic headcanons, and that it SUCKS being aromantic and having to add disclaimers like this about your ideas when most queer fandom spaces never expect you to have them for headcanons concerning most other LGBT identities.

anyway. what just happened i blacked out i take no responsibility for anything that i just said. what i wanted to say was that while i really don't read The Gay on ryouta, i think demiro RADIATES from him. i don't remember what it came from, it might've been the qna translation i did, but that time moa was like "if ryouta couldn't be with hiyoko he would probably just be okay being single forever" had me thinkin. i think the typical allo interpretation would probably be "oh so noble he would be so hung up on his old crush that he would never move on to someone new" but i think, when you red string bulletin board this quote across a couple other loose pieces of evidence you can see that it's pretty g-dang demi of him. his attraction to hiyoko stems almost exclusively from his connection with her. he hardly ever makes comments about her looks or how pretty she is. his ideal relationship with her is to just continue the things they've been doing forever, except now they're married i guess. he loves her for the way he's always thought of her, and for the fact that she's such a wonderful friend. she's ALWAYS been strong and supportive, he says. that's what makes ryouta admire her, he says.

he gets defensive when someone gets emotionally close with her. something that always stood out to me in his talk with yuuya on the holiday star was when he says something along the lines of "nageki knows a side of hiyoko that i don't." his fears come from someone knowing hiyoko in a similar intimate way that he does, and i think that's because that's the only way he might process romantic attraction coming to be. he also invalidates the way he believes yuuya sees attraction. in that same talk he throws jabs at how yuuya plays with girls and doesn't really come to know them, and again, besides coming from a society that is against casual sexuality, i think that would make a lot of sense within the context of ryouta seeing deep emotional connection as the only way you can have a "real" romantic love. i think ryouta doesn't really have a want or need to dig deeper into the implications of his attractions, which obviously results in him not even realising he has a crush on hiyoko, but i also think he just isn't. that concerned with figuring out where he stands in terms of romantic orientation. in a world where he is mlm, i think he would probably never recognise that or at least never label it, but regardless, if he's demi i think he would just never see that not everyone experiences attraction the way he does. i think he would be infinitely confused with the people who get married based on five months of dating after meeting on a dating app, which is what i do. honestly i just think ryouta is so accustomed to the status quo of being a young supportive straight guy that he sees his own demiromanticism as, if anything at all, just him being peak love story protagonist. so in conclusion i see ryouta as a hetero-demiromantic who doesn't KNOW that he's demiromantic.

as im trying to decide how i want to order this, i think i have to get someone out of the way. everyone knows i hate him with a passionate fury and i genuinely don't like thinking about him BUT. i have shoe eewahmeanay thoughts. im sorry. i have read what the shuu likers have to say about him. i have read the accursed pieces on his relationship to ryuuji. and your first assumption may be that i would read shuu as aromantic, because i am a freak. well it's not true. i actually DON'T see him as strictly aromantic. i think reading emotions through a clinical and cold view is very common to the aspec experience, especially to romance- and sex-repulsed people. putting yourself completely outside of the actions and experiences and just viewing them through a purely scientific this-is-what-social-creatures-in-A-Society-do-sometimes standpoint, you can find more ease and comfort in examining how other people view relationships. but im not here to argue that this is something that makes shuu aro (considering that is literally something he does), rather i would like to argue that this is something that stems from shuu being a general freak when it comes to Having Relationships. i kind of assume shuu might be somewhere on the arospectrum and as a certified shuu hater it's not my place to decide exactly where but i still see a possibility of attraction being an element of his actions. but it's fucked up™ attraction. i think more than anything being a little neglected boy already part of an upper class where genuine connection is discouraged is the biggest factor in iwamine's stunted social development, but he's also just. i don't think he was ever wired to desire or feel connection, not like most other people at least.

i will happily back the idea that isa was desperate for a well-rounded father figure, and that this is what lead him to becoming so deeply attached to ryuuji rather than him just having a gay crush. he is extremely fucking complicated and i know the shuu likers know that. im pretty sure most articulated shuu opinions will probably factor in the bad childhood and unhealthy dependencies into isa's view on ryuuji. i also think, though, that it is entirely too interesting to imagine that isa cannot comprehend the weight or meaning of his own emotions. i don't know if he's aromantic because on a fundamental level i cannot understand any attractions that i feel and it is extremely difficult to parse through different types of attraction. i think that is exactly the kind of compelling idea to play around with for shuu. i think he would sort through his feelings about ryuuji only after his passing, that being the critical trigger for him to do so and he would be unwilling to think too much about it otherwise, and if/when he did, it would still be in his patented narrow, clinical view. i don't think it's ridiculous to believe that there are unknown and involuntary brain fuck-ups going on that stem from attraction in that guy. of course shuu as an adult can only define his relationship to ryuuji through given societal standards, and i genuinely think there is something deeper than romantic intention there, but shuu may only come to the conclusion of "i'm a fucked up little freak boy who secretly liked being cared about but also i kinda thought he was attractive" (paraphrasing) due to the few words that our world gives us to define different relationships. really he just needs therapy.

um but my issue, the only one that really made me think about my arch nemesis this much, is the sheer amount of fluff that people write him into. it's INSANE. THOSE are the shuu likers who i don't think are as articulated as the ones i RESPECT. regardless of how shuu feels about ryuuji or what attraction he feels for him, shuu shows time and time again an inability to actually express his feelings about other people in any typical way. most of the time he just. y'know. expresses himself through violence and negativity. his interactions with ryuuji are usually dry and riddled with criticisms. shuu ends up carrying out his legacy through genocide. any friendship he could've conceived with tohri was always shut down because isa was always blunt with him, although i think isa didn't genuinely have any ill will towards tohri; tohri is just kind of an insecure guy who is very sensitive to criticism. with hiyoko the only way he can live with her is through actual murder. oh and did i say live i mean commit suicide. i don't know how he feels about hiyoko and to be honest im not terribly eager to figure it out but my point is that shuu only ever expresses positive emotions through negative means. i don't care if you think shuu just wants to be ryuuji's son or if you think shuu is a raging homosexual. he wouldn't be able to make it known either way. there is a post, and i don't have the will to dig it up because to my memory it was very crude but i found it funny nonetheless. i think it was tumblr user fluffyheretic who made a post saying something like "shuu iwamine would not be a hot daddy dom he would be googling 'how to kiss' on google dot com" and honestly yeah. i-- like-- how would that man ever be hot or god forbid fluffy in any other context than his chubby widdle partwidge cheeks. he would not be able to fathom a romantic relationship with the people he knows. he'd probably just like. idk. fantasize about dissecting their body and that would be the only thing he could imagine for days on end. and OH MY GOD. no he would not fucking plan a date. i am throwing shade to the fucks on ao3. this fag would not be cute or romantic at all. he would be off-putting and then you would leave. that would be the date. you might get a back-handed compliment. that's literally how he "courts" hiyoko. NOBODY LIKES HIM. in-game i mean. he is unlikeable. he is a dickhead. hiyoko and ryuuji are the only people to ever form a positive opinion of him because they are positive forces who love everyone. everyone else at the very least says mean shit about him behind his back. shuu iwamine aka isa souma aka utsuro ichijou is an aspec anomaly to me and it doesn't matter if he's aro or not. it's not like he could ever fucking land a date anyway.

transition to someone who is kind of that bitch's opposite: sakuya. or i guess really shuu's good parallel. that constitutes an entire post of its own tbh but. i think in general, even people who aren't that invested in aromanticism in hatoful could probably get down with grayro sakuya. to me at least, it kinda just makes sense on a basic level. he's not really invested in interpersonal relationships, even during his dating route which, need i mention, has its arc revolve around sakuya's personal growth and hardly is it ever implied he is attracted to hiyoko. the only time he ever begins to really feel exceptionally strongly about the people around him is coincidentally the same timeline in which yuuya tells him about their shared history: bbl. that's when he gains a sense of responsibility for his actions and feels a genuine care for his friends, and of course a painful regret for how he treated yuuya in particular his entire life. im almost tempted to call him straight up aromantic but ill let him be grayromantic as a treat. i think it compliments ryouta's demi-ness as the other part of the bbl pair. it also makes sense to me in the context of his very rare flattery in response to other people's praise, i think particularly hiyoko's. i find the thing he says in response to that one question about romantic types, the "someone who has acquired high-class refinement and etiquette. if one does not have those qualities, then they do not deserve to stand by my side," also kind of telling about sakuya's relationship to romance. obviously it's influenced by his role as a noblebirdie and the expectation he finds a partner as a political duty, but also notice how he says it in response to "who is your type?" and not something like "who do you see yourself marrying in the future?" it's not a description of personality or looks, it's a description of behavior. it's a detached response, implying that romance, to him, is not about what he finds attractive. romance is something that is EXPECTED of him. it could generally be assumed, i think, that if you actually did have a type in people, then regardless of if you were to be in an arranged marriage you would be happy to tell other people of that type. I'm sure the most common spin of this is just going to be that sakuya is really dedicated to the whole aristocrat bit but i think it reflects a lack of real interest in romantic relationships. if i were an aro prince thing and the press asked me what my type was, id probably also just respond with how my parents are going to decide who to set me up with. i'm not really looking for anything else, am i?

now. i have something controversial to say. i have gone. back and forth a hundred times on this boy and how i think he feels. and to be honest with everyone i think i might be a yuuya aromantic truther. i think yuuya is a very flirtatious aromantic little freak. and i know, right, he's like the most romantic guy in the entire cast. but it's very similar to the yuuya asexuality logic where flirting and romantic facades are simultaneously his only way of connecting to other people and yet also something that drives a wedge further between him and his connections. when he actually gets close to hiyoko, which is one of, if not the most intimate relationship he develops within the series, it's honestly not that romantic in nature. they're kinda just like. hangin out, but spy-type hangin out. like the entire post i wrote about hiyoko and yuuya's friendship. i know the whole partners-in-crime, two-of-us-against-the-world trope is usually a romantic one, but consider the beauty of the platonic version. consider the freedom. the commitment almost feels more intense when you drop the chains of romantic pressure to stay together. i think the best possible outcome of yuuya's dating route is tosakazaki qpr. besties but with COMMITMENT. besties but they love each other more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. the word queerplatonic has been ruined for me for various reasons but i just know they can reclaim it. i think yuuya might be so casual about romance and sex because he knows it's not in the cards for him. i can say your mom and i are in a committed relationship together with a completely straight face because i will never ACTUALLY be in a committed relationship with your mother. yuuya, similarly, can say he is in a committed relationship with everyone on the planet with a completely straight face because he knows he won't ever actually be in a committed relationship with anyone on the planet. it's so baller of him. i send kiss emojis to my friends and call them hot everyday but i would vomit if they got too close to me. maybe yuuya wouldn't be as touch-repulsed as the little freak i am but i think he would understand flirting as this somewhat rude way to compliment other people without getting too close. that's like. his entire thing.

ill be honest i have very little evidence for aro yuuya i just really WANT it to be real. yuuya- and hiyoko-type aromanticism is just very relatable to me. i relate to and love how they obsess over their friends, especially the way yuuya does it from a comfortable exaggerated distance that makes it clear he just wants to flatter you, and i just WANT it to be in an aro way. because i need more overtly flirtatious characters who just Do Not Want romance. because i need on a visceral level to normalise the presence of romantic elements in a completely platonic setting. making hiyoko and yuuya aromantic, to me, is my big fuck you. i will make these romantic characters aromantic and i will do it again. epic fuck you moment for the people who insist there are things that have to be romantic. epic fuck you moment for the people who claim things that don't involve them as a romantic scenario. my omnipotent level takes on these stupid bird characters are leagues ahead of your stupid baby "weah weh but he risked his life for her that's romance" incorrect IDIOT im literally living my life out of bounds and you're still debating on whether it's gay for a character to literally just CARE about another person.

okay okay i know that sounded like a conclusion but it wasn't fuck off. i'm only halfway through the main cast do you really think im done?

i think nageki is one of the characters i actually don't REALLY care about in terms of romantic identity but i've defaulted to aromantic as a defense mechanism against uncomfortable shit. i think it makes sense with his character (i love autism) and his storyline. but there's a lot of projection there too. and my feeling of protectiveness over a character i really love in such a personal way. i also think it meshes cutely with the fact that hiyoko and hitori, his SIBLINGS!! are aromantic themselves. so that's my headcanon, but honestly i don't feel THAT headstrong about it. i don't think it really makes sense in my head for him to be gay but i dont really care either way about other people's opinions on the matter. i think what bothers me is just that he's REALLY young and there is some Weird Shit that people put him in. sometimes i see him portrayed as. weirdly lustful??? or like uncomfortably obsessive? and not only is that sort of thing low-key weird as hell but like. did you play the game LMAO. clearly you don't know him like i do. sorry everybody part of being aromantic and bringing that into your favouwite tings is being PETTY AS HELL!!! that's my job here.

i thought i had more to say about nageki considering he's like. almost my oldest aro og but i kinda. don't. actually i spent an undisclosed amount of time tracking down a japanese playthrough of hatoful to see which version of "i love you" nageki used in his final speech but it honestly didn't clear very much up. and keep in mind the fact that nageki is talking from such a place of emptiness. he talks about how he fell numb to pain and hiyoko brought back feelings for him but mostly those negative ones. the ONLY positive light in his world is hiyoko. so an intense display of affection is KINDA warranted. and hypothetically it would also be possibly the most logical misunderstanding of one's own emotions in the game. idk sorry everyone hiyoko/nageki sibling dynamic for life. i've stayed in that mindset for so long that on occasion i raise an eyebrow when i see them paired together and then im like Oh. Shit. I'm Being Unreasonable Here. hey but what can you do. nageki love of my life, walking aromantic flag, please tread lightly in the scary waters of fandom spaces.

anghel higure freak of st pigeonation's high baja blast advertisement self-described martyr public-described weirdo someone id totally clock as a trans woman due to the fact that no cis man plays dungeons and dragons liberal user of eyeliner the goth asshole taking all of the GOOD chains from goodwill. an enigma of a person. when sheltered white gay people who ask "okay but are you afab or amab" say we need more weird queers they do NOT mean him. he would say something in his foreign language that roughly translates to "hey if you're a dude bangin dudes then have at em man im not gonna stop ya" and that may lead you to believe he is a straight ally but do NOT look at the yaoi in his sketchbook it reveals something about his mind. he's bisexual he's a little TOO gay he's looking up "homosexual tendencies" and clicking on sketchy medical advice websites he's a lesbian but he isn't a woman he probably isn't a man but non-binary rubs him the wrong way where's that book for parents of closeted children he's a pansexual imp who'll die happy he has no idea what pride is he thinks neopronouns are neat but has no idea how to communicate that in a way other people understand his parents keep hinting that they know he's not straight but he thinks he's keeping it under tight wraps maybe he is straight but he just doesn't FEEL straight he could never catch a date and he's happy about it he gets flattered once and catches feels the hero getting the girl in the end is too cliché but the doomed lone wolf story isn't but hypothetically his story might be cooler with a love interest how about everyone is the love interest this is his otome wait i thought he wasn't a woman and what about that pretty girl the next classroom over who is willing to larp with him is she technically a male love interest actually it's weird if he's going to date everyone how about instead everyone is attracted to him but as the accursed fallen angel he has a duty to never reciprocate he WILL puke if you hold his hand he's probably on the lgbt spectrum but honestly he doesn't care enough to figure it out right now he's got this sick cosplay project he's working on do you wanna see? yeah i don't know what anghel is. he can be aromantic if he wants. but he has to be a weird aromantic. he can be loveless or alloaro or romance favourable or fuck it he's romance repulsed or maybe he wants to kiss but that doesn't mean anything besides the fact that he likes it. it doesn't matter as long as he's weird about it. the minute he stops being weird about it he's fucked.

im sorry everybirdie i didn't realise i had so much to say about the other characters but so little about these last three. and now my transitions between subjects would be too much of a hassle to change so i could organise this into a more well-rounded balance of long rants and short tidbits. i wanted to save hitori for last because when i tried to talk about why he's aromantic i felt like the audience was more concerned with the fact that i was trashing on his popular ships than the fact that He Is Aromantic Guys I'm Being For Real He Told Me Himself. so i wanted to clarify my reasoning more thoroughly as the final character in the lineup, but im actually pretty sure that i WAS clear about why i think he's aromantic at the time, and now i don't have too much i want to say. so here's a list of bullets explaining why he's aromantic:

it makes the most sense with his storyline and character - hitori really is a character defined by his relationships to this around him, but like. in a way that he never has the spotlight. he's providing for his little siblings. he's providing support for his students. he's making it clear that hiyoko needs to learn about herself before she ever gets close with him. hell, he kills a man not out of bloodthirst or malice but as a sacrifice for his brother. he STRIVES to be alone. his baby siblings are his priority in his life and that doesn't change for a second, because like a baby bird (ha) he's made this imprint on the only people he truly associates with love and losing them was like losing what love MEANS to him. which is literally what he says himself. so like. not only does that mean other relationship archetypes are not in his field of vision, but treating his loved ones with that brotherly, somewhat overwhelming care is the only way he really knows HOW. it's how he treats kazuaki (til the end OOPS) and his students and hiyoko. and like i said. in the end of his story (as in. not mirror universe), his outcome is that he is alone without his children to look after. he goes along with hiyoko's confession in the end not because he's actually interested but because. i guess he just doesn't really have anything else to do. i don't even think he believes he can love again. i think hiyoko just goes "it's too sad that you don't want to love again :(" and then kazuaki goes "*sharp nose inhale, midwestern thigh pat* so anyway if you're still interested in that whole dating thing we can probably do that later if you want." i just really think inserting romantic love into his story after nageki is such a disservice to this entire key part of his character, that being that he REFUSES to love again after the loss of his brother. also it just feels kinda weird in a mirror scenario or whatever to make him get romantically involved with anyone SORRY i've heard that boyish charm in how he speaks i can only see confused innocence in his eyes my apologies

can you REALLY imagine him in a relationship or do you just see a generic anime guy and want to ship him with the closest twink

it makes the most sense within the themes of hatoful as a game - HELLO least romantic romance game EVER like please. this game is about appreciating the little things and learning to love life and yourself through grief THERE'S NO TIME WE'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE DROP THE SHIPS FUCK THE THEMES THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER HELP HEEEELLLLP OH NO I LOVE MY LIFE AND IM OKAY BEING ALONE EVEN THOUGH I LOST THE PEOPLE I LOVE FUCK IT'S LIKE SOMETHING THAT PENETEATES EVERY ROUTE GAHHHHHH

that thing he said in the character interview about "never really having thought about [his romantic type]"

it is objectively funny

a few years ago at a high school show choir showcase there was a solo about a girl who was insane and falling in love with a hot coffee barista but he actually didn't know what romance is

all of the fan content surrounding him and romance is So bad and out of character (or even half portraying him as not wanting it in the first place) that i literally cannot see him as anything but aromantic. you guys literally ruined it sorry.

women are gross and men are gross and he didn't know people could be other genders until he heard some more in-touch teenager talking about it and honestly he's still pretty confused he's supportive but it's not something he could be into even just for the fact that he's nervous about offending them

it would honestly be embarrassing if he ever got into a relationship like all of that "my siblings are everything to me" and for what. you have a girlfriend now? that's gay

speaking of which him being straight makes like a thousand times more sense than him liking men but also i hate straight people

it makes ME uncomfy so i get to have my favourite boy be aromantic because i hate everyone here

sometimes i feel like applying really specific queer labels to characters is doing them a disservice in itself, because some characters seem Weird enough to delve into niche queer spaces and find those labels, but a lot of characters don't even know what pansexual actually means and you know it. my ideal way of defining a character's orientation is by looking at what would make sense for them to be attracted to and then just saying that's what they're attracted to, rather than saying they're gay or they're straight or bi or whatever. anyway that's just what i've been trying the make clear over the course of this post besides the aromanticism of it all.

i'm writing an entirely new conclusion from the one i wrote back in january. i think that aromanticism has become more of a rebellion than anything else to me. in all facets of my life. sometimes it's just so goddamn hard to EXIST as a PERSON when it's like nobody even believes you as you are. i feel like i've lost a lot of autonomy to be anything except a memory or a story. and im not interested in being erased. but i don't think any place has ever made me feel as seen and validated and VINDICATED as the aromantic community. it's like. Fuck you. yeah im not part of any boxes you'd understand. i feel like i didn't feel such a sense of free will until i found myself here. hell. i can do WHATEVER i want. i never thought about that. literally nobody can stop me. aromanticism cuts so many ties from other people's realities and what they believe to be real. so many people HATE aromanticism or what it stands for even if they don't want to admit it. and that is everything to me.

but in a fandom space, where rules are so much more rigid than they appear, where you come to share your favourite things with other people and only find that everyone is trying to make it known that their opinion is the Most Correct One about your beloved series or franchise or whatever the hell, it's like. kinda really hard to exist. as an aromantic and as a member in general. the other day i saw a community post on youtube by this girl who got popular in a niche community and she was just really conflicted because on one hand she wanted to move on from the space and make things she actually was interested in but on the other hand she didn't want to give up what she loved about this game and she also didn't want to lose her audience. and man the amount of times i've seen that shit is pretty disheartening. it's really not an unfounded fear. i have SEEN people who do cool stuff die out because they got popular for something very specific. it's so draining to motivation for them and it's always a shame to see people you like give up because they just don't matter to very many others. my point by bringing this story up is to just give an example that i saw recently of how suffocating fandom is. people are mean, man. for a lot of people fan spaces are freeing and happy but i feel like sometimes we just forget that they'll never be as good as just having a group of friends in real life to discuss your favourite things with. because the internet is designed to divide and organise and if we're being honest i think a lot of people fall into the trap of feeding the cycle of trying to make fandom this Very Specific Thing when it's really just a bunch of guys. and god. people who participate in fandom. well by default they are already very online and so g-dang it they're kinda just pricks. and sometimes the sheer amount of mental disorder within these spaces it. y'know don't fuckin deny it man it adds to the assholeness sometimes.

so like. being such a small minority within fandom, as an aromantic, is also my rebellion here. fuck you. i'm not falling into the tropes assigned seemingly at random to force a dynamic between characters. i can see without the blurred lens of the Shipping Glasses™. i am pretty sure that being aromantic kinda makes the grasp on characterisation a little stronger because im not looking at things the same way some other people are. sorry to be on my high horse everyone. Enjoying your hobby vs. Joining the subreddit for that hobby. everything is aromantic. i have a beam for it. i'm sorry to all of the other aros who feel excluded from fan spaces because of the sheer invasiveness that comes with shipping culture and amatonormativity and just plain Assholes within fan spaces. just something i've been thinking about for like. fucking. a few years idk. all of the hatoful characters have that aro in them because i couldn't give less of a shit about bad takes (bad takes being They Are Not Aromantic). i've got good takes. this is aromanticism baby. okay i'm gonna go hang myself from a tree now bye bye.

#happy aromantic day of visibility everybirdie #hatoful boyfriend #aromantic #tidbits

[lefteagleblizzard]

𝕬 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗

Clapton Davis x gender neutral reader

Summary: You always considered yourself a shy and intelligent person. Venturing out into social situations was never your strong suit, but tonight, thanks to the persistent encouragement of your dear friend Jake, you found yourself standing at the entrance of a vibrant house party. What you couldn’t have predicted was that a dare from a simple game would give you a unique chance with the person you’ve had a crush on for too long.

Warnings: pure fluff. No pronouns used towards reader. Reader is a shy nerd. OC male character. Truth or dare. Confession. Kissing.

Words count: almost 3000

You always considered yourself a shy and intelligent person, comfortable within the confines of your books and thoughts. Venturing out into social situations was never your strong suit, but tonight, thanks to the persistent encouragement of your dear friend Jake, you found yourself standing at the entrance of a vibrant house party. The atmosphere was buzzing with excitement, and you could feel the pulse of the music vibrating through the walls. Jake's reassuring smile beside you was the anchor you desperately needed.

He claps you on the back, urging you forward. “This is your night,” he grins, moving with you toward the center of the room.

You glance around, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. The room pulses with life—strangers laughing, dancing, and clinking glasses.

The familiar figure of Clapton Davis caught your eye almost immediately. Clapton, the charismatic and outgoing hipster who seemed to thrive in these environments, was surrounded by a group of friends. He was the type who exudes charm effortlessly with his easy smile and confident demeanor. He was everything you were not, and you had harbored a crush on him for quite a while now.

You often found yourself questioning the small interactions you had with him, recalling the many times Clapton approached you at school, always with some question in mind.

Sometimes, it was about complex subjects like calculus or chemistry, but often, it was something so basic that it made you wonder. “Hey, can you remind me how to find the area of a rectangle again?” he had asked once, his eyes twinkling with an inexplicable charm. Another time, it was, “Do you know if we have any homework for English?” It was as if he sought you out specifically, bypassing others who might have been more obvious choices for such questions.

Things so simple that you sometimes wondered if he was doing it just to annoy you. But you always brushed those thoughts away, deeming them too fanciful.

Each interaction left you with a flurry of emotions, part of you thrilled at the attention, and another part skeptical, thinking it was too good to be true.

Jake nudged you gently, breaking your reverie. “Let’s go join them” he suggested, nodding towards the group that included Clapton and two girls you recognized from school, Ione and Riley. Despite the knot of anxiety tightening in your stomach, you trusted Jake and followed him.

The group welcomed you warmly, and you tried your best to engage in the conversation. Your eyes occasionally met Clapton’s, and each time you noticed a peculiar intensity in his gaze. Was he actually staring at you? You dismissed the thought as wishful thinking and focused on the ongoing chatter.

After some time, someone suggested playing truth or dare. The idea was met with enthusiastic approval, and a empty bottle was swiftly produced. The game began, and the tension in the air grew palpable. You watched the bottle spin, feeling a mix of anticipation and dread. It finally landed between you and Jake.

“Truth or dare?” He asked you simply.

In a rare moment of bravery, you chose dare. You wanted to show that you could be courageous and, more importantly, you trusted Jake. He pondered for a moment, then a devilish grin spread across his face.

“I dare you to sit on Clapton’s lap for the rest of the game,” he announced.

That’s it, tonight you’re gonna have to find a way to hide Jake’s dead body without nobody noticing.

Laughter erupted around you, and your heart sank. You shot Jake a death glare so intense that he almost retracted the dare. But before he could, Clapton spoke up. “I’m totally fine with that dare,” he said, his voice steady but there was a noticeable effort to keep his excitement under wraps.

His eyes sparkled with an enthusiasm that he tried to hide behind a casual tone, and the corners of his mouth twitched as if he was suppressing a grin.

Your heart pounded loudly in your chest, and your cheeks burned with embarrassment as you stood up. The room seemed to blur as you walked towards Clapton, ignoring the jealous and envious glares from Ione and Riley.

As you reach him, Clapton surprises you by pulling you gently but firmly onto his lap. His muscular arms wrap around your waist, securing you in place. The closeness is electrifying, and your cheeks burn with a mix of embarrassment and a thrill you can't quite name. You can feel his breath on your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

Clapton shifted slightly, making sure you were comfortable. “Is this okay?” he asked softly. You nodded, unable to find your voice, overwhelmed by the proximity and the fluttering in your stomach.

The game continues, but your attention is solely on the sensation of being so close to Clapton. It feels like you and Clapton are in a world of your own. His fingers trace gentle patterns on your waist, a soothing gesture that contrasts with the wild beating of your heart.

His head rests on your shoulder, and he begins to whisper in your ear, his voice a soft murmur that only you can hear. "How are you doing?" he asks, genuine curiosity lacing his words. The unexpected sweetness in his tone makes your heart flutter.

“Good,” you manage to reply, though your voice is shaky.

You feel the warmth of his body against yours, the firm muscles beneath his shirt, the steady rhythm of his breathing.

You settle in, trying to ignore the fluttering in your stomach and the heat in your cheeks. Clapton leans in closer again, his breath warm against your ear “You’re braver than I thought,” he whispers, his voice low and teasing. His words send a jolt of electricity through you.

"Do you come to parties like this often?" Clapton asks, his tone curious.

“Not really,” you admit, your heart still pounding. “I’m more of a quiet night kind of person.”

"Really? I'm glad you came tonight," he says, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that makes your heart skip a beat. "It's nice to see you outside of school."

You nod, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement. "Yeah, it's... different."

Some people in the circle leave to get a drink, others join in to participate in the game and Clapton keeps up a steady stream of whispers. He leans in closer, his lips brushing against your ear. "You look really good tonight," he whispers, his voice low and intimate.

Your checks flush deeper feeling the intensity of his gaze on you and you manage a soft "thank you" in response. His compliments are so unexpected and genuine that they leave you both flustered and thrilled.

His lips grazing your ear while his hand rests on your hip, his thumb drawing lazy circles that make it hard to focus on anything else.

Every time someone else takes their turn, you’re acutely aware of his presence. His hand on your waist, the rise and fall of his chest, the occasional squeeze of reassurance. He asks you questions, some innocent, others more daring, each one making your heart race faster.

“Have you always been this bold?” he asks at one point, his tone filled with genuine curiosity and admiration. You turn slightly to look at him, his face close enough that you can see the flecks of gold in his eyes. “Maybe you just bring it out in me,” you reply surprising yourself with your honesty.

His presence is reassuring and his whispered conversations create a private bubble for the two of you amidst the chaos of the party.

He keeps the conversation light, asking you about your interests, your favorite subjects, and anything that comes to his mind.

"Thanks for all the help with school" he continues, his breath tickling your ear "I don't know what I'd do without you.”

The words hang between you, heavy with meaning.

"You must be really good at what you do," he says at one point. "I mean, you've helped me so much, and I know I'm not the easiest person to teach.”

You laugh softly: "You're not that bad. Sometimes I wonder if you really need the help, though.”

"Do you remember that time in class when I asked you for help with that really simple math problem?" he asked, his tone conspiratorial.

You nodded, biting your lip to keep from smiling too widely "I remember thinking you couldn't possibly be that bad at math”

He laughed softly, the sound warm and genuine. "I wasn't. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you." His admission made your heart flutter, and you found yourself looking at him with a mixture of surprise and affection

"Really?" you asked, your voice tinged with disbelief

"Really," he confirmed, his eyes holding yours with a sincerity that left you breathless. "I guess I just needed a way to get your attention.

I guess I just like spending time with you and hearing you talk.”

His admission sends a flutter through your heart, and you glance at him, finding his gaze already fixed on you. There's a sincerity in his eyes that makes your breath catch.

"I like spending time with you too" you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

The game around you fades into the background as you and Clapton continue to talk. He shares stories about his adventures in skateboarding, his mishaps in detention, and his dreams for the future.

His fingers trace gentle patterns on your waist, a soothing gesture that contrasts with the wild beating of your heart, his breath occasionally tickling your neck.

He adjusted his pink hat, then took it off and playfully placed it on your head. “Looks better on you,” he said with a grin. “You can keep it if you want”

Your face remained a permanent shade of red, but despite your initial embarrassment, a sense of exhilaration began to creep in. Clapton’s proximity, his touch, and his words all made you feel a rush of emotions you had never experienced before. Each time he spoke, it was as if the rest of the room faded away, leaving just the two of you in an intimate bubble.

"Is it just me, or is it getting hotter in here?" Clapton whispered, his voice dripping with playful insinuation.

You turned your head slightly catching his eyes with yours. "Maybe it's just you," you replied, attempting to match his teasing tone, though your voice was tinged with genuine nervousness.

He chuckled softly, the sound vibrating through you. "I don't think so. I've got a feeling it's because of you." His hand gently squeezed your waist, pulling you a fraction closer. His touch was both comforting and thrilling, a juxtaposition that made your heart race.

"You know, I've always thought you were cute when you were deep in thought," he murmured, his lips brushing the shell of your ear once again. "But seeing you blush? That's something else entirely”

You felt your cheeks grow even hotter, if that was possible. "I... I didn't know you paid that much attention," you managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Clapton grinned, his eves twinkling with mischief. "Oh, I pay attention to all the important things." He shifted slightly, his thigh pressing against you in a way that made your breath hitch. "Like how you always have that adorable furrow in your brow when you're concentrating on something.”

You couldn't help but laugh softly the tension casing just a bit. "And what else have you noticed?"

He leaned in even closer, his lips almost grazing your neck. "I've noticed how you always bite your lip when you're nervous. Like right now." His voice was low, intimate, and it made your pulse quicken.

Your instinct was to look away but his gaze held you captive. "Maybe I should stop being so nervous then," you said, trying to sound more confident than you felt.

Clapton's eves darkened slightly, a look of genuine affection mingling with his playful demeanor. "I don't mind. It's one of the things I find most endearing about you.”

When the game finally ended and the party began to wind down, Clapton didn't let you go immediately. Instead, he held you a little longer, his eyes searching yours. As people started leaving, he gently pulled you aside, away from the others.

Jake catches your eye, giving you a thumbs up before you lose sight of him, your cheeks burning from embarrassment.

Clapton expression was serious, yet there was a softness in his eyes that made your heart skip a beat.

"I really enjoyed having you here tonight, I like you. A lot." he confessed, his voice sincere.

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, you couldn't believe what you were hearing. The guy you had admired from afar, the one who seemed so out of reach, was standing here, confessing his feelings for you. Overwhelmed, you could only manage a shy smile.

His whispers are constant, each one more daring than the last.

“Have you ever thought about what it’d be like to kiss me?” he asks suddenly, his voice barely audible over the music still going. His question catches you off guard, and you can feel your face heating up.

“Maybe,” you reply, trying to keep your voice steady. The truth is, you’ve thought about it more times than you can count.

His grin widens, and he leans in closer, his lips almost brushing your car. “I think about it too,” he confesses, his voice sending another shiver through you. “A lot.”

“What else have you thought about?” you ask, your voice teasing. You’re starting to feel bolder, encouraged by his openness.

“I’ve thought about what it’d be like to hold your hand” he says, his fingers brushing against yours. “To take you out somewhere nice, just the two of us.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your heart ache with a mix of hope and nervousness. “That sounds perfect,” you admit, your voice soft.

“I think we’d have a lot of fun together,” he says, his smile widening. “I’d love to see you outside of school.”

You nod, feeling a sense of excitement building. “I’d like that too.” you say your voice filled with anticipation.

To your surprise Clapton leaned in and kissed you. It was gentle at first, a tentative meeting of lips, it quickly deepened as both of you poured months of unspoken emotions into that kiss and all your fears and insecurities melted away in that moment.

When you finally pulled apart, you were both breathless, and Clapton's smile mirrored the joy you felt inside.

"Can we try this? You and me?"

You nodded, unable to find the right words but knowing that this was what you wanted too. The night had started as a leap out of your comfort zone, but it had ended with a dream come true. And as you walked out of the party with Clapton by your side, you knew that this was just the beginning of something wonderful.

Over the following days and weeks, the dynamic between you and Clapton shifted in the most delightful ways. At school, he would find new reasons to approach you, although now his questions were more genuine and thoughtful. "Can you help me with this physics problem?" he would ask, spending the rest of the time staring at your face lovably without understanding your explanations.

He would wait for you after classes, casually leaning against the lockers, his easy smile lighting up when he saw you.

The whispers and curious glances from others became background noise as you grew more comfortable with Clapton's presence in your life. You spent more time together, studying, talking, and discovering shared interests. You learned that despite his laid-back exterior, he had deep passions and aspirations, and he loved hearing about your dreams and ideas.

He also really loved to take you to his favorite skatepark and hear you cheer his name over and over.

Through every shared moment, every whispered conversation, and every tender kiss, Clapton showed you that stepping out of your comfort zone had been the best decision you ever made. The shy intelligent person you once were found that the risks you took led to the most rewarding outcomes.

Note: it’s been a while since I watched the movie so I’m sorry if I got something wrong with him ♡.

#clapton davis #clapton x reader #clapton davis x male reader #clapton davis x reader #detention #gender neutral reader #x male reader #male reader #derek danforth smut #josh hutcherson x reader #mike schmidt #mike schmidt smut #x gn reader #derek danforth #mike schmidt x reader #josh hutcherson x you #josh hutcherson smut #josh hutcherson #peeta mellark #Sean Anderson #fluff #x reader #x gender neutral reader #gn reader

[unpopularwriter25]

A Heart Fiercely Protected

Summary: Sanemi, the Wind Hashira, battles jealousy as his protective instincts flare when Y/N, tends to Tanjiro and his friends. After a tense moment, Y/N reassures Sanemi of her love for him.

Warnings: None.

Note: I do plan on writing for someone that isn't Sanemi.

The sun had just begun to dip below the horizon, casting a warm, golden hue over the Butterfly Mansion. The peaceful sounds of the garden mixed with the faint chatter from inside the mansion, creating a serene atmosphere. You moved gracefully through the corridors, your gentle smile lighting up the faces of those you passed. Your caring nature had earned you the admiration and affection of everyone around you.

Sanemi Shinazugawa, the Wind Hashira, watched you from a distance, his usual stern expression softening as he observed your kindness. You were tending to Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu, who had just arrived, helping Aoi with their treatment. Sanemi's chest tightened with an unfamiliar sensation—jealousy. He clenched his fists, feeling an irrational surge of anger. He knew how much he loved you, how fiercely protective he was of you, and seeing Tanjiro, someone he already had a strained relationship with, taking up your attention was unbearable.

Earlier that day, there had been an incident with one of the mansion's servants. The servant had raised his voice at you, and Sanemi had nearly lost control. The memory of your startled expression, the way your eyes had filled with tears, haunted him. He had come within a hair’s breadth of ending the servant's life, his anger only tempered by your soft plea for mercy.

"Sanemi, please," you had whispered, your gentle touch on his arm the only thing that had brought him back from the brink. He had glared at the servant one last time before storming off, his heart pounding with the intensity of his emotions.

Now, he stood in the shadows, watching you laugh softly with Tanjiro. The boy’s earnest expression as he spoke with you only fueled Sanemi’s jealousy. He should be the one making you smile like that. He should be the one basking in your warmth.

Unable to bear it any longer, Sanemi stepped forward, his presence immediately drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Tanjiro looked up, his smile faltering slightly at the sight of the Wind Hashira’s intense gaze."Y/N," Sanemi's voice was gruff, betraying his inner turmoil. "I need to talk to you."

You turned to him, concern flickering in your eyes. "Of course, Sanemi. Is everything alright?"

He nodded curtly, not trusting himself to speak further. You excused yourself from the others and followed him outside, where the evening air was cool and refreshing. The garden was bathed in the soft light of twilight, the flowers around you adding a sweet fragrance to the atmosphere.

Sanemi stopped by the koi pond, his back to you. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands were clenched at his sides. Gently, you reached out, placing a hand on his arm.

"Sanemi," you said softly, "what's wrong?"

He turned to face you, his eyes filled with a mix of emotions. "I can't stand seeing you with him," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "With any of them."

You blinked in surprise. "Sanemi, they're just friends. I'm helping Aoi take care of them. There's nothing to worry about."

"It's not that simple," he muttered, looking away. "I can't help it. I get jealous. I know it's stupid, but... I love you. I can't stand the thought of anyone else taking your attention away from me."

Your heart ached at his words, and you stepped closer, placing a hand on his cheek. "Sanemi, you don't have to be jealous. My heart belongs to you. You're the one who protects me, who loves me. I care about them as friends, but you... you're everything to me."

He looked down at you, the fierce protectiveness in his eyes softening slightly. "You mean that?"

"Of course I do," you replied, smiling gently. "You have nothing to worry about."

Sanemi let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, his shoulders relaxing. He pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as if afraid you might slip away.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into your hair. "I just... I can't lose you."

"You won't," you whispered back, wrapping your arms around him. "I'm here, Sanemi. Always."

#fanfic #writing #anime #fandom #demon slayer anime #demon slayer #demon slayer imagines #fluff #demon slayer inosuke #anime writers #sanemi headcanons #demon slayer sanemi #sanemi x reader #kny sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x you #cute #anime x reader #anime demon

[roomsofangel]

LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .

chapter six

synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?

wc 10.3k (yes you read that right…)

chapter warnings oh lord.. okay so alcohol consumption, mentions of grief and death (yeosang), a lot of guilt and blaming themselves, seonghwa breaks down, wooyoung talks a lot about death and dying at one point, gets a little suggestive towards the end

a/n this fic is almost over </3 can you believe that? this chapter actually was even longer, including the full smut towards the end but i felt after writing it, it didn’t fit and i could possibly post it separately if anyone wants that. but with that aside— i hope you’re comfortable and have a few snacks maybe even tissues?? a lot is unpacked here

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️

sitting on your bed, you bite your nails anxiously, your mind lost in thought as the complexities of your situation swirl around you like a storm. each circle of thought feels like a vice grip around your chest, making it harder to breathe. the weight of it all bears down on you, and you can't escape the feeling that you let wooyoung down, that you've failed yourself and everyone else. you let your head sink into your hands, and you take a deep, shaky breath.

the air in the room seems thick and stifling, and you struggle to find any solace in the silence that surrounds you. all you can think about is the tangled mess you've gotten yourself into, and the disappointment that you can feel building in the pit of your stomach. you know that you need to figure out a way to fix this, but at the moment, everything seems so overwhelming that you can barely think straight.

the weight of the day to come settles on your shoulders, and you can't stop thinking about the upcoming meeting with hongjoong, seonghwa, and san. you all know that wooyoung needs help, but the thought of having to confront your own grief along with his struggle felt like too much to bear. it was beginning to feel like an impossible task, and you can't help but despair at the thought of watching your best friend go through the same self-destructive path that your other friend did. how can you possibly find a way to help him, when you can barely help yourself?

you feel like you're drowning in a sea of conflicting emotions — grief, guilt, helplessness, and frustration. every thought feels like a weight dragging you down deeper and deeper into the tumultuous waves. how are you supposed to help wooyoung when you can barely keep your own head above water?

your own heart was beating out of your chest, and the phrase "too much" was just about all you could use to describe the overwhelming onslaught of emotions rushing through you. it was getting to be almost too much to handle, but you also knew — you refused — to give up on wooyoung. he was your best friend, and you couldn't bear the thought of abandoning him in his time of need. you just had to hang on and figure out what to do next.

you all sat in seonghwa's living room, the air felt heavy with tension as you all tried to figure out where to start. finally, san broke the silence, his voice cutting through the thick air like a knife. "how do we go about this?" he asked, his eyes flicking between all of you. everyone seemed to tense up at san's words, the reality of the situation crashing down on all of you.

you looked around at the others, seeing the worry and concern etched on their faces. hongjoong's jaw was clenched tightly, and seonghwa looked like he was trying to maintain a calm exterior, but the muscles in his neck were tense.

you all were trying to get by and cope in your own ways, while also trying to prevent a similar tragedy from occurring. how do you save someone who seems to not want to be saved?

it felt like an impossible task — trying to save someone who seemed hell-bent on self-destruction. how do you pull someone back from the edge when they're determined to jump? yes, you and the others were doing your best to cope and prevent a tragedy, but it felt like you were fighting a losing battle. you all wanted to save wooyoung, but he seemed unwilling to even try to save himself.

the tension in the room was palpable as you all sat there in silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts. hongjoong spoke up, his voice gruff with emotion. "we can't force wooyoung to change if he doesn't want to, but we can't just sit back and watch him destroy himself.“

“we.. we were blind to the signs before and i can’t risk it now,”

the words sent a pang of guilt through your chest. it was clear that hongjoong was blaming himself for not being able to save yeosang, and you could see the guilt and shame in the faces of seonghwa and san as well. you knew that you all felt responsible. hongjoong's voice broke the heavy silence that followed his words. "we all failed yeosang," he said softly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

the weight of that statement hung in the air like a pall, and you could feel the guilt and self-blame radiating off of all of you. you knew that you had all failed yeosang, in your own ways. you should have been there for him more, should have noticed the signs sooner, should have done something to prevent his downfall. but you hadn't, and now it was too late.

you had all failed yeosang, and now you were desperately trying not to repeat the same mistake with wooyoung. but even as you sat there, trying to figure out how to save your best friend, a small voice in the back of your head was screaming at you, telling you that this time, you were going to fail too.

you couldn't shake the feeling that history was about to repeat itself, that no matter what you did, you were going to end up losing wooyoung just as you had yeosang. it was a heavy weight to carry, and you could tell that the others were feeling it too. the silence in the room was deafening, and the sense of hopelessness was practically suffocating.

the words escaped your mouth before you could stop them, your voice cracking with emotion as you spoke. "i can't give up on wooyoung," you repeated, determined to make them understand. "i won't let him down." your eyes flickered around the room, meeting the gazes of the others one by one. you could see the pain and sorrow in their eyes, but there was also a glimmer of hope — hope that maybe this time, things could be different.

they all nodded, silently agreeing with you. hongjoong’s jaw was still clenched tight, but his eyes met yours with a fierce determination. seonghwa looked pale, but there was a gleam of determination in his gaze as well. even san, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, gave you a solemn nod. they all wanted to save wooyoung as much as you did.

the room lapsed into silence once more, but this time, it was more determined than hopeless. you could feel the resolve in the air, the quiet determination to not let history repeat itself. you knew that it wasn't going to be easy, and that there was a very real chance that you would fail, but you also knew that you had to try. for wooyoung, for yeosang, and for yourselves.

as soon as you stepped inside your shared home, you could hear the faint sound of a guitar coming from wooyoung's room. it was a sound you hadn't heard in a long time, and it sent a pang of nostalgia through you. you couldn't remember the last time you'd heard him pick up his guitar, and a frown tugged at your lips as you realized how long it had been. you stood there for a moment, just listening to the quiet music coming from his room.

the sound of the guitar was soft, almost mournful, and it tugged at your heartstrings. you stood outside his door, listening for a moment longer, feeling a mixture of sadness and hope stirring in your chest. you knew that music had always been an outlet for wooyoung, a way for him to express himself when he couldn't find the words. maybe this was a small glimmer of the old him peeking through.

the music suddenly stopped, and you shook yourself out of your thoughts. you hesitated for a moment, wondering if you should knock on his door or leave him alone. you knew that he wouldn't want you to see him like this, but something was pulling you towards his room. eventually, you gently knocked on his door, trying to keep your voice steady. "wooyoung?"

there was silence from the other side of the door for a few moments, and you almost started to turn away when you heard a soft, muffled voice. "come in," wooyoung said, and you obeyed, slowly pushing open the door and stepping into his room.

as you stepped into his room, the memories of the past few days came crashing back into your mind. you hadn't been able to truly be in his room since that night, when you had found out what he had been hiding from you. and even looking at him had been difficult, ever since that surprising kiss. it was as if everything was becoming more complicated by the minute, and you didn't know how to feel about it.

you swallowed the lump in your throat and looked up at wooyoung, who was sitting on his bed with a defeated expression on his face.

his shoulders were slumped, and he looked smaller than usual. there was a hollow look in his eyes, and you could see the sadness etched on his features. the usually vibrant wooyoung that you knew had been replaced by this shell of a person, and it broke your heart to see him like this. you swallowed hard, trying to keep your emotions in check, before finally speaking. "can i...can i sit down?"

wooyoung shrugged, gesturing lazily to the space beside him on the bed. "yeah, whatever." his voice was flat, lacking his usual sarcastic humor. you slowly took a seat on the bed, keeping a small distance between you two, and waited for him to speak.

the silence in the room was deafening, and you could feel the tension between the two of you like a physical weight. you watched as wooyoung fiddled with the strings on his guitar, his eyes downcast. you could tell that he wasn't going to speak first, so you took a deep breath and broke the silence yourself. "i...i missed hearing you play," you said softly.

wooyoung's fingers paused on the strings, and he looked up at you with a brief flash of surprise in his eyes. "you did?" he asked, his voice still flat. he sounded skeptical, as if he couldn't believe that you would miss something as small as his guitar playing.

you nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the tense atmosphere between you two. "yeah, i did," you said softly. "it’s been a while since i’ve heard you play." you paused, searching for the right words. "i know....i know things have been rough lately, but...hearing you play...it reminds me of happier times."

there was a flicker of something in wooyoung's eyes, something that looked almost like a spark of recognition. his expression softened for a moment, but then he quickly looked away, his shoulders hunching up again. "happier times," he repeated, his voice bitter. "those days are gone, remember?"

you felt a pang in your heart at his words, the truth of them sending a wave of sadness through you. you knew he was right, that things could never go back to how they were before. "i know," you whispered, your voice thick with emotions. "but...but that doesn't mean there can't be happier days in the future too, right?"

wooyoung sighed heavily, his fingers picking up their restless fiddling with the strings. "what’s the point?" he mumbled, his voice low and defeated. "everything's just going to fall apart eventually, so what's the point of trying to be happy in the first place?"

your heart ached at his words, at the resigned acceptance in his voice. you wanted to reach out and shake him, to make him see that there was still hope, that there was still joy to be found in life. but you knew that it wouldn't do any good. he was too deep in his own despair, too focused on the negatives to see anything else. "that’s not true," you said softly, your voice gentle. "you can't just give up on happiness, woo."

wooyoung scoffed, finally looking up at you with a sardonic smile. "can’t i?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "why not? what’s the point of being happy when it's all just going to end anyway? when we're all just going to die in the end?"

you felt a wave of frustration and heartache at his words. "because that's not all there is to life," you said firmly. "yes, bad things happen, and people die, and everything ends eventually. but...but that doesn't mean there's no joy to be found in the meantime. life isn't just about the ending, it's about all the moments in between too."

wooyoung let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "you sound like a hallmark card," he said, a hint of mockery in his voice. "life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know. sometimes, it's just a giant shitstorm that drags you down until you can't see any light."

and you knew that he was right. life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, and sometimes it was a giant shitstorm that dragged you down. you both had lost yeosang, after all, you knew all too well what life could throw. but that didn't mean you had to give up on happiness entirely. "i know that," you said softly, keeping your voice steady. "but...but that doesn't mean it can't be good sometimes too."

wooyoung’s shoulders sagged, and he let out a heavy sigh. "what’s the point, though? what’s the point of even trying when everything just falls apart in the end?" he mumbled, his eyes unfocused. you could tell that he wasn't just talking about happiness, but about life in general. he looked so lost, so broken, and you didn't know how to fix it. all you could do was speak softly, trying to break through his cloud of despair.

"the point is that life is worth living, woo," you said gently. "yes, things fall apart, and bad things happen, but that doesn't mean we should give up altogether. life is about the journey, not just the destination." you paused, trying to find the right words. "don’t give up on happiness. don’t give up on life, woo. please."

wooyoung's expression hardened, his shoulders tensing up. "easy for you to say," he muttered, his voice sharp. "you still have hope, still believe in this whole happy ending crap."

"and you don't?" you asked, your voice soft. wooyoung’s jaw clenched, and he looked away, avoiding your gaze

the room fell silent for a moment, the air thick with tension. you could see the internal struggle playing out on wooyoung's face, the part of him that wanted to believe in hope warring with the part that had given up. finally, he looked back up at you, his expression resigned. "i don't think i do," he said, his voice low and bitter. "it all just feels pointless now."

your heart broke at his words, and you could feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. you hated seeing him like this, so defeated and hopeless. "woo—" you started to say, but he cut you off, his voice sharp. "don’t," he growled. "don’t try to give me some pep talk about hope and happiness. it’s all bullshit, and you know it."

you didn’t want to give up on wooyoung, you promised him. it might have seemed so stupid holding onto a promise the two of you made as kids but you held onto it tighter than ever before now, “but what isn’t bullshit is that i care about you and i refuse to give up on you.”

wooyoung’s eyes widened slightly at your words, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. vulnerability, maybe. but it was gone in an instant, replaced by a steely determination. "why?" he asked, his voice gruff. "why do you even care? why won't you give up on me?"

the contrast between then and now was like a punch to the gut. you couldn't believe that this cold, distant wooyoung was the same one who had sobbed in your arms, begging you not to give up on him. it was a sharp reminder of how far he had fallen, how much his despair had changed him and it hadn’t even been that long of a time gap. wooyoung was falling victim rapidly to his own despair and you can’t keep up.

you wanted to cry out, to scream at him, to shake him until he snapped out of this, but you knew that wouldn't help. all you could do was keep your voice level, keep your face neutral as you replied. "because you're my best friend, woo. because i love you. because i don't think you're completely gone yet. not yet."

wooyoung's expression flickered again, the coldness in his eyes faltering for a moment. "best friend," he repeated, his voice low. "right." there was a hint of bitterness in his tone, but you could see something else beneath it - a flicker of vulnerability, maybe even hope. he looked away, avoiding your gaze as he muttered, "i’m a lost cause, remember? too far gone."

"no, you're not.. not to me," you said firmly, your voice steady despite the tears that threatened to spill over. "you're not too far gone. you’re still in there, woo. the boy who used to make stupid jokes and play pranks on me. the boy who used to chase butterflies in the park. the boy who was my best friend. you’re still there, somewhere."

wooyoung's jaw ticked, and he looked back up at you. "that boy is gone," he said, his voice hard. "he died with yeosang." but there was a hint of doubt in his eyes, as if he wasn't completely convinced by his own words. you could see him struggling, grappling with the conflicting emotions within him.

you took a deep breath, gathering your courage. "no, he's not," you said firmly. "he’s buried deep down, buried under all that pain and grief and despair. but he's still there, woo. and i’m not gonna give up on him - on you - until he comes back."

wooyoung's gaze flicked over your face, searching your eyes for any sign of dishonesty. but all he saw was determination and unwavering belief in him. a flash of something passed through his eyes - hope, maybe? or just resignation? he let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumped. "you're crazy, you know that?" he muttered, his voice gruff.

a small smile tugged at your lips at his words. "maybe," you admitted. "but i’m not giving up on you, woo. no matter how much you try to push me away. i’m gonna be here.”

wooyoung scowled, his gaze dropping down to his guitar. his fingers fidgeted with the strings, the sound of discordant notes filling the air. "you’re a stubborn idiot, you know that?" he mumbled, but there was no real bite to his words.

"and you're a stubborn, self-deprecating idiot," you shot back, a hint of humor in your voice. "but lucky for you, i happen to like stubborn, self-deprecating idiots."

against his will, a small huff of laughter escaped wooyoung’s lips, and he quickly covered it up with a cough. “you’re something else, alright,” he muttered, glancing up at you with a half-amused, half-exasperated expression.

“i guess that’s why i fell in love with you in the first place.”

your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you felt yourself flush slightly. it was still a surprise to hear him admit that he had fallen in love with you, even after all the mess that had come between you two. you tried to keep your expression neutral, but you couldn’t help the hint of a smile that tugged at your lips. "i guess you just have bad taste," you quipped, your voice light.

wooyoung let out a soft snort, his lips curving up into a small smirk. "yeah, that must be it," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm. he looked up at you again, and for a moment, it was like the old wooyoung was back - the teasing, playful boy that you used to know. the glimmer of hope in your chest flickered brighter.

you could feel the mood shifting, the tension in the room slowly dissipating. you let out a soft breath, feeling a sense of relieved. wooyoung’s expression softened slightly, his gaze flickering over your face again. "you’re still a pain in the ass though, you know that?" he said, his voice gruff but lacking the usual bite.

you couldn't help but chuckle, feeling a sense of familiarity in his words. "yeah, well, you’re not exactly a picnic yourself,” you retorted, a hint of warmth in your voice.

he let out a low chuckle, the sound sending a jolt of warmth through you. "touché,” he said, his voice softer. he paused, his gaze flicking down to his guitar, and you could see the conflict playing out on his face again.

you waited in silence, letting him sort through his thoughts. you could see the struggle in his eyes - the part of him that still wanted to push you away, to keep his walls up and his heart guarded. but there was also a part of him - a small, vulnerable part - that was slowly breaking through the surface.

wooyoung took a deep breath, his grip on the guitar tightening. "you really won’t give up on me, will you?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper. his gaze flicked back up to you, searching your face for any hint of hesitation.

meeting his gaze unflinchingly, your heart clenching at the vulnerability in his eyes. "no," you said firmly, your voice gentle but unwavering. "i won’t give up on you, woo. i’m gonna be here, no matter how much you try to push me away."

wooyoung’s shoulders slumped, and he let out a heavy sigh. “god, you’re infuriating,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. despite his words, there was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “why are you always so goddamn stubborn?”

you couldn’t help but smile at his words, feeling a warmth of affection for him. “because i love you, you idiot,” you said teasingly. “and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”

he rolled his eyes, but the smile on his lips grew wider. “yeah, yeah,” he muttered, setting his guitar down on the floor. he looked up at you again, his gaze softer than it had been before. “i don’t deserve you, you know that?”

“don’t start that whole ‘i don’t deserve you’ crap,” you said firmly, your voice a mix of fondness and frustration. “i decide who’s deserving of me, thank you very much.”

wooyoung let out a soft chuckle, his eyes glinting with amusement. “feisty as always,” he said, his voice teasing. he smirked at you, his gaze wandering over your face and down to your lips. “somehow, that makes me fall for you even more.”

you felt your cheeks heat up at his words, and you cursed yourself internally for being so weak for him. you tried to keep your expression neutral, but you knew he could see the effect he had on you. “you’re insufferable,” you muttered, trying to mask your flustered state with nonchalance.

“yeah, but you love me anyway,” he said, his smirk growing wider. he leaned back, propping himself up on his hands as he continued to gaze at you with playful admiration. “there must be something wrong with you, falling for someone as insufferable as me.”

you let out a huff of laughter, shaking your head at his audacity. “there’s definitely something wrong with me,” you agreed, a smile tugging at your lips. “must be some sort of masochism, loving a stubborn, sarcastic, self-deprecating idiot like you.”

wooyoung let out a mock gasp, his hand flying up to his chest in feigned shock. “how dare you!” he exclaimed, his voice dripping with mock outrage. “insulting my good name like that. and here i was, thinking you loved me for my charming personality and dashing looks.”

you rolled your eyes at his theatrics, a laugh escaping your lips. “well, your good looks do help make up for it,” you said, a hint of teasing in your voice. “but your personality could use some work.”

you couldn’t deny the wave of nostalgia that washed over you at the familiar banter. it was as if, for a moment, the old wooyoung was back - the one who would tease and flirt with you as easily as breathing.

you found yourself smiling, the heaviness in your heart lifting slightly. it was moments like these - the ones that showed glimpses of the old wooyoung - that gave you hope that he was still in there, somewhere.

when walking inside seonghwa’s apartment, you weren’t sure what to expect, and you found your heart sinking when your gaze landed on the way he was curled up on the floor, tears streaming down his face, your heart clenched in your chest. you rushed over to him, your voice gentle but filled with concern. "hwa? what’s wrong? what happened?"

seonghwa looked up at you, his eyes red and puffy from crying. his whole body was shaking, and he looked so small and broken on the floor. he was still in his pyjamas, his normally impeccable hair messy and disheveled.

he took one look at you, and a fresh wave of tears welled up in his eyes. “yn,” he whispered your name, his voice cracked and fragile.

all the usual composed and graceful image of him completely shattered in front of you. you didn’t hesitate for a moment, rushing over to him and pulling him into your arms.

“shhh,” you whispered, holding him tightly as he sobbed against your chest. “i’m here, it’s okay hwa.”

seonghwa to you like a lifeline, his fingers grasping at your shirt as if terrified you would disappear if he let go. he buried his face in your shoulder, his whole body quivering with the force of his sobs.

“i can’t do this anymore, yn,” he whispered, his voice broken and hoarse. “i can’t…i can’t keep pretending everything’s fine.”

you held him closer, your fingers stroking his hair in a soothing gesture. “i know, hwa,” you whispered back, your voice gentle. “i know…and you don’t have to pretend anymore. you don’t have to be strong for us all the time. let me be strong for you this time, okay?”

seonghwa let out a strangled sob, his body shaking even harder at your words. but he didn’t pull away from you, didn’t try to put up his usual walls and act like he was fine. instead, he just clung to you even tighter, as if desperate for comfort.

“i miss him so much,” he whispered, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. “and i don’t know how i’ll cope if wooyoung..” he couldn’t finish his words as he choked back a sob

you felt your own tears start to well up at his words, and you held him tighter, you knew exactly how he was feeling, because you felt the same way about wooyoung. but seeing seonghwa - the one who had always been the strong, steady shoulder for all of you to lean on - break down like this broke you differently.

you tightened your grip on him, the other arm moving to rub warm circles on his back. “we’re gonna get through this together, hwa. all of us. we’ll help each other through this, okay?”

seonghwa nodded, his fingers digging into your shirt. his sobs had quieted down slightly, but he was still trembling violently in your arms. he buried his face further into your shoulder, his voice hoarse and raw. “promise you won’t leave me too?”

you pulled him even closer to you. “i promise,” you whispered

seonghwa let out a shaky breath, his body relaxing slightly in your arms. he was still shaking, but it didn’t feel like he was about to fall apart entirely now.

he lifted his head to look at you, his eyes red and puffy, and your heart broke again to see him so broken. “i’m sorry for falling apart on you like this,” he mumbled, his voice small and ashamed.

“don’t be sorry,” you said gently, your fingers continuing to stroke his hair. “you don’t have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay to fall apart, hwa. you’ve been so strong for all of us…it’s okay to let yourself be weak sometimes.”

“especially with everything going on? hwa, don’t apologize.. it was bound to happen.”

seonghwa let out a shaky sigh, his body sagging against you. “i…i feel like i have to be strong for all of you,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping down to his hands, which were still clutching onto your shirt. “i feel like if i break, you all will too.”

“i still blame myself for that night.. all because i was weak for one moment.”

the guilt and self-blame was evident in his voice. you wanted to shake him, to tell him that none of it was his fault, that none of you blamed him. but you knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“hwa,” you said softly, “look at me.”

seonghwa lifted his gaze, his eyes meeting yours. his expression was heartbreaking - a mix of guilt, shame, and despair.

“you’re not responsible for us,” you said firmly. “none of us blame you for anything that happened, hwa. and we don’t need you to be strong all the time. we just need you. just you.” you lifted a hand to brush a tear from his cheek, your gaze steady on his.

“i just.. can’t help but feel as if he’d still be here if i hadn’t gone home early that night.” seonghwa whispered

“hwa…,” you began, your voice gentle. “you can’t blame yourself for this. there was no way you could’ve known what would happen. this isn’t your fault, okay?”

seonghwa let out a shaky sigh, his fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “i know that,” he mumbled, his voice quiet. “but i keep thinking…what if i had just stayed a little longer. or what if i had gone back after yeosang called me. what if…what if i had just been there?”

tears welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to keep your voice steady. “it doesn’t matter what you could’ve done, hwa,” you said softly. “you can’t change what happened. and you did what you thought was best. none of it was your fault.”

“…and i know yeosang knows that too..”

seonghwa let out a soft sob, his fingers curling tighter into your shirt. “i know he does,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “but…but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like i failed him. like i failed all of you.”

“you didn’t fail anyone,” you said firmly, your voice gentle. “you’ve been the glue holding us all together, hwa. we’d be lost without you.” you paused, your gaze dropping down to where his fingers were still clenched tightly in your shirt.

seonghwa let out a shuddering breath, his body trembling slightly. “i feel like…like i should’ve done more. like i should’ve known something was wrong. i feel like i should’ve been able to prevent all of this from happening.”

“because now wooyoung is going down that same path.”

“hwa, you can’t be everywhere at once,” you said gently. “you can’t prevent every tragedy, no matter how much you wish you could.”

seonghwa let out a soft sob, his head dropping forward until his forehead was resting on your shoulder. “but i wish i could,” he whispered, his voice ragged and broken. “i wish i could protect all of you.”

you laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy heart. thoughts about wooyoung, seonghwa, and the others kept swirling through your mind, making it impossible to shut your eyes and sleep.

your mind kept going back to seonghwa, to the broken and shattered expression on his face as he had fallen apart in your arms. you couldn’t help but wonder how the others were really doing…what exactly have they been holding back for the sake of everyone else?

you couldn’t stand the thought of any of them suffering in silence, pretending to be fine when they were crumbling inside. you wanted to reach out to them, to ask them how they were really doing, but you knew it wasn’t that simple. they had all perfected the art of hiding their emotions, of masking their pain behind smiles and jokes.

you let out a heavy sigh, rolling over and burying your face in your pillow. the silence of your room was deafening, only interrupted by the occasional car passing by outside. your mind was still racing, refusing to let you rest.

you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going on with the others — something they weren’t telling you. you knew they were all suffering in their own way, trying to hold themselves together for the sake of the group.

the weight of that focus was weighing heavily on you, knowing that everyone was pouring all their energy into trying to save wooyoung. and rightfully so - wooyoung was spiraling, his self-destructive habits threatening to consume him.

but in the process of focusing on him, you couldn’t help but wonder if the others were drowning too, silently struggling with their own pain.

the thought of the others suffering in silence broke your heart. you knew they were all trying to be strong for each other, to hold it together. but how long could they really keep it up? how long could they pretend to be okay when they were falling apart inside?

and how long would it be until it was you?

the question hung in your mind, sending a shiver down your spine. you knew you couldn’t keep holding up your facade of being strong forever. eventually, it would all become too much, and you would collapse just like seonghwa had.

but the thought of breaking down terrified you. you were the one they all relied on, the one who kept things together when they started to fall apart. if you fell too, who would be there to catch everyone else? who would be the one that catches you?

you rolled over in your bed again, pulling the covers up to your chin like a makeshift shield. you tried to take deep breaths, to calm your racing thoughts. but it was hard when you knew everyone else’s happiness was resting on your shoulders. it was a heavy burden to carry, and one you weren’t sure how much longer you could bear.

you were brought out of your thoughts by the sound of the shower starting, and you knew it was wooyoung. you couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing in there, how he was feeling. was he okay? were his thoughts consuming him, or was he just cleaning himself off after a long day?

you were tempted to get up and go check on him, to make sure he was okay. but you didn’t want to intrude if he needed some time alone. so, you laid there, listening to the sound of the water running and wondering what was going on inside his head.

the sound of the shower was like a metronome, steady and rhythmic. it was almost hypnotizing, and you found your eyes drooping slightly as you focused on it. despite everything, exhaustion was finally starting to catch up to you.

you let out a soft sigh, your body relaxing into the bedding. maybe you could get some sleep after all. the steady sound of the shower combined with the exhaustion of emotional turmoil was finally starting to take its toll.

you sat next to wooyoung on the patio, watching as he took a drag from his cigarette. the sunlight had just started creeping over the horizon, bathing everything in a soft golden glow. but you weren’t focused on the sunrise - your gaze was fixed on wooyoung.

he was beautiful like this, bathed in the soft light of dawn. the morning sun highlighted the sharp angles of his face, and you found yourself unable to look away.

the soft silence between the two of you was comfortable, familiar. you knew each other so well by now, knew each other’s silences as much as each other’s words.

you watched as wooyoung’s exhaled a plume of smoke, his eyes fixed somewhere in the distance. he looked pensive, his usual carefree facade replaced with a thoughtful expression.

you wanted to reach out to him, to ask what was on his mind. but you knew better than to push him. whenever he was like this, he needed time to sort through his thoughts, to let the words come to him in his own time.

the silence was broken only by the occasional sound of wooyoung exhaling smoke or taking another drag from his cigarette. you kept your gaze on him, studying the way his features looked in the golden light, the way his fingers held the cigarette, the way his shoulders tensed with each inhale.

you knew him so well by now, knew all his little tics and mannerisms. there was something different about him this morning. he seemed more serious than usual, more troubled. you could see it in the way his jaw was clenched, the way his eyes were fixed on some distant point in the skyline.

watching as he finished the cigarette, he crushed it out in the ashtray sitting on the railing next to him. he let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagging a little as his facade of nonchalance slipped just a fraction.

you could see the tension in his body, the way his fingers curled around the rail as if trying to hold himself together. finally, wooyoung spoke. his voice was hoarse and rough with emotion. “i…i don’t know what i’m doing anymore,” he said quietly, his gaze fixed on the skyline.

you watched as he took a shaky breath, his knuckles white with how tightly he was gripping the railing. his eyes were still fixed on the horizon, as if he was afraid to look at you.

“i know i’m spiraling,” he continued, his voice low and rough. “i know i’m doing all the things i shouldn’t be doing, the things all of you have been telling me not to do. but i can’t stop. i don’t know how to stop.”

he let out a shaky exhale, the desperation in his voice tearing at your heart. you could see tears welling up in his eyes, “i can’t sleep,” he whispered, his voice choking up. “i can’t eat. i can’t concentrate on anything. all i can think about is how much i miss him…how much i blame myself.”

“and i hate it,” he continued, his voice ragged with emotion. “i hate feeling like this. i hate feeling so weak and helpless. but i don’t know how to make it stop. i don’t know how to make it stop hurting so much.”

you watched as a tear slipped down his cheek, his shoulders shaking slightly with emotion. “i just…i just want it to stop hurting,” he whispered, his voice shaky with emotion. “i just want to feel normal again. i want to be able to sleep without seeing his face when i close my eyes. i want to be able to eat without feeling like i’m going to be sick. i want to be able to concentrate on something other than the guilt that’s eating me alive.”

he scrubbed a hand over his face, smearing away the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks. you couldn’t hold back any longer. you reached out and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. he didn’t flinch or pull away; instead he leaned into your touch, like a drowning man grasping for a lifeline.

his shoulders slumped as he leaned into you, all the tension and pretense finally melting away. he let out a ragged sigh, his body shaking with the weight of his emotions.

you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. he buried his face in your shoulder, his arms encircling your waist.

his body was shaking, his shoulders heaving with silent sobs. you could feel the wetness of his tears soaking through your shirt, but you didn’t care. all you cared about was being there for him, holding him together as he fell apart.

you held him there for what felt like hours, your arms encircling him, your fingers gently stroking his back.

“it’s okay,” you murmured, your voice soft and gentle. “just let it out. i’m here. i’m not going anywhere. just let it all out.”

he continued to sob into your shoulder, his body shaking with the force of his emotions. but slowly, slowly, he began to calm down. his sobs turned into ragged breaths, his shaking gradually stilling until he was simply slumped against you, his head resting on your shoulder.

your arms stayed wrapped around him, your fingers tracing soothing circles on his back. he sagged against you, his breath slowing and evening out. he didn’t speak, just held onto you like a child clutching a security blanket.

the sun continued to rise, the sky gradually turning a brighter shade of blue, but you barely even registered it. all you could focus on was the man in your arms. after what felt like an eternity, wooyoung finally stirred against you. he pulled back slightly, his head lifting from your shoulder. his eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were tear-streaked.

he cleared his throat, his voice rough and hoarse. “sorry,” he mumbled, wiping away the remnants of tears on his cheeks. “i didn’t mean to fall apart on you like that again.”

you reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair out of his face. “you don’t have to apologize,” you replied softly. “i’m here for you, no matter what. you don’t have to hold it all in and pretend to be okay around me.”

he let out a shaky exhale, leaning into your touch as your fingers stroked gently through his hair. “i know,” he said quietly. “i just…i hate feeling like this. like i’m weak and pathetic.”

“you’re not weak,” you replied, your voice firm. “you’re human. you have feelings and emotions, and that doesn’t make you weak. it just makes you human.”

he was quiet for a moment, mulling over your words. then he let out a soft sigh, his body slumping as he leaned into you again. “i guess you’re right,”

“of course i���m right,” you replied with a small smile. “i’m always right.”

he let out a snort of laughter, the sound ragged but genuine. “yeah, yeah. don’t get too cocky now.”

part of you should have known that the glimpses of the old wooyoung were just that. glimpses. because as you walked past his bedroom in the middle of the night, the only light being the dimmed one from the kitchen, you could see that it didn’t matter how much he was going to let you in now — he was already too far gone

the sight that greeted you was familiar, but no less heartbreaking. wooyoung standing in the middle of of his room, swaying slightly on his feet. he was clearly drunk, a half-empty bottle of soju clutched in his hand.

he was staring off into space, his eyes glassy and unfocused. it was like he wasn’t really seeing anything, his mind lost in a haze of alcohol and whatever thoughts were swirling around in his head.

as you watched him, he stumbled slightly, leaning heavily against the wall. he raised the bottle to his lips, taking a long swig before letting out a ragged sigh. it was like he was on autopilot, his movements jerky and uncoordinated.

you wanted to go to him, to pull the bottle from his hands and tell him that everything was going to be okay. but you knew it wouldn’t do any good. he was too far gone, too deep into his own self-destructive spiral.

instead, you just watched him in silence, your heart breaking as you saw him take another long swig from the bottle. it was like watching a car crash in slow motion, knowing what was going to happen but powerless to stop it.

he stumbled over to the bed, falling onto it with a heavy thud. he laid there for a moment, his chest heaving as he breathed in ragged gasps. then he let out a bitter laugh, raising the bottle in a mock toast before taking another long drink.

it was like he was mocking himself, his own situation. like he was laughing at the fact that he had let things get this bad. but there was no joy or humor in the laughter, just desperation and pain.

he laid there on the bed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he took ragged breaths. his eyes were fixed on the ceiling, but you knew he wasn’t really seeing anything. his mind was lost in a haze of alcohol and thoughts, trapped in a downward spiral that he didn’t know how to escape from.

he let out a ragged exhale, his body going limp as the alcohol finally started to take hold. his eyes fell shut, his face relaxing as he slumped deeper into the bed. it was like he was finally giving in to the numbness of alcohol, letting it wash over him and drag him down into unconsciousness.

you step into the room, moving quietly so as not to disturb wooyoung. he’s passed out, his body sprawled haphazardly on the bed. you step over to him, gently prying the empty bottle from his grasp and setting it aside. as you do so, you take a moment to look at him.

his face is slack in unconsciousness, his breathing slow and steady. he looks so much younger like this, so young and innocent. it’s like all the pain and turmoil have been smoothed away for the moment, leaving him looking almost peaceful.

you reach for a nearby blanket and gently pull it over him, tucking him in as if he were a child. you watch for a moment as he snuggles deeper into the blankets, a small smile tugging at your lips.

it’s funny, you think. sometimes he can be so stubborn and bullheaded, so resistant to any help or support you try to give him. but in moments like this, he’s just a scared and lost little boy.

you stir awake, the morning light filtering in through the window. you turn over, expecting to find an empty space beside you. instead, you find wooyoung there, curled up facing away from you.

you blink in surprise, for a moment not quite believing what you’re seeing. when did he get here? you don’t remember him coming in during the night, and you definitely didn’t wake up and feel him climb into bed.

you look at him for a moment as he sleeps peacefully, his body curved into a tight ball. he looks so different asleep, so peaceful and vulnerable. it’s like all the bravado and bluster he usually has is gone, replaced by a quiet vulnerability that is almost endearing.

as you watch him sleep, you can’t help but wonder what brought him to your bed. was it simply him seeking comfort in his sleep?

you reach out hesitantly, your hand hovering over his shoulder for a moment before gently resting on it. you can feel the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the steady rise and fall of his breathing.

he stirs slightly, but doesn’t wake up. he just shifts slightly, nuzzling deeper into the blankets as if seeking out your touch even in his sleep.

wooyoung shifts his body, turning over to face you. he let out a sleepy murmur as he scooted closer to you, his body pressed up against yours. you could feel the heat of his breath on your skin, his face mere inches from yours. he was so close that you could see the flutter of his eyelashes as he slept, the relaxed expression on his face.

he shifted again, his arm coming up to rest on your waist. he pulled himself closer, his body spooning against yours. it was an almost unconscious movement. you could feel his breath against your neck, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. he was so close that you could feel the brush of his hair against your skin, soft and silken.

you could smell the faint scent of his shampoo, a soft, woodsy fragrance that mixed with his natural scent. it was a comforting smell, familiar and soothing.

and once again, he shifted, his leg coming to rest against yours. his body was completely pressed against yours now, every inch of him in contact with you. it was like he was trying to fit himself completely against you, seeking out every bit of contact possible.

you could feel the weight of his arm around your waist, the warmth of his chest against your back. his breath continued to ghost over your neck, the steady rise and fall of his breaths sending a shiver down your spine. he made a soft noise again, a sigh of contentment that was somewhere between a murmur and a hum. he seemed completely at peace, his body relaxed and boneless against yours. it was like he had melted into you, fitting against you like he belonged there.

you were torn between waking him up and letting him sleep a little longer. on one hand, it was kind of adorable seeing him sleep so peacefully and soundly. on the other hand, you knew he needed to wake up eventually.

you watched him for a moment, taking in the sight of him curled up against you. his face was relaxed, his expression peaceful. it was like all the stress and worry that usually etched itself on his features had melted away.

part of you wanted to just lay there and watch him sleep indefinitely, but you knew that wasn't practical. you reached out a tentative hand and gently brushed a strand of hair away from his face. he stirred slightly, his eyes fluttering open for a moment before closing again.

you watched as he mumbled something incoherent, his arm tightening around your waist. it was like he was trying to hold onto you even in his half-conscious state, unwilling to let go just yet.

he let out a murmur against your neck, his voice sleep-rough and soft. "just... a little longer," he mumbled. "just a few more minutes... please..."

he tugged at you slightly, pulling you closer against him. his body was still relaxed, his muscles loose and pliant against yours.

wooyoung’s voice was soft, almost vulnerable as he muttered against your neck. "i just... want to pretend a little longer," he mumbled. "just for a little while, let me pretend like everything is okay..."

he pulled you tighter against him, his body pressing close against yours like he was trying to bury himself in you. his grip was tight, like he was afraid you would pull away and break the illusion.

wooyoung’s voice was hushed and raw as he whispered against your skin, his breath hot against your neck. "like i didn't... f-fuck everything up, you know...?"

he let out a choked gasp, his arm tightening around you like he was trying to anchor himself. he was clearly struggling to keep his emotions in check, his body tense and trembling against yours.

his voice was rough and ragged, like he was holding back tears. "i just... i just don't want to think about it for a little while," he mumbled, his body pressing closer against yours. "just... please, let me pretend for a minute. let me pretend like i didn't ruin everything."

you didn't know what possessed you to do it. maybe it was the vulnerability in his voice, or the desperation in his grip on you. but before you even realized what you were doing, you were cupping his face gently in your hands and leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

his breath hitched as your lips met his, his body going rigid for a moment before melting into the touch. it was like he was starving for the contact, like he was desperate for any scrap of affection and closeness he could get.

his mouth opened slightly under yours, his tongue brushing against your lips in a silent plea for more. he was shaking now, his body trembling against you like he was barely holding himself together.

he was clinging to you now, his fingers gripping your shirt desperately as he pulled you closer. his lips were moving against yours hungrily, like he was trying to devour you. it was like he was pouring all his pain and desperation into the kiss, seeking solace and comfort in the only way he knew how.

his body was pressed against yours, every inch of him in contact with you. you could feel the heat radiating off him, the desperate way his hands roamed over your body like he was trying to memorize every contour and curve.

as wooyoung breaks away from the kiss, his mouth trailing down your jaw to your neck, he mumbles between kisses, "is... is this okay? are we... are we okay...?"

his lips are hot against your skin, his breath hitching as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your neck. his hands are still holding onto you tightly, his grip almost desperate as he seeks reassurance and connection.

he continues to trail kisses down your neck, his mouth hot and possessive against your skin. every kiss is filled with a hint of desperation, like he's trying to make up for lost time and assure himself that everything is alright.

his hands roam over your body as he kisses your neck, his fingers tracing patterns over your skin as if trying to memorize every inch of you.

you tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging gently as he mouths at your neck. you thread your fingers through the silky strands, relishing the feel of his soft hair against your skin.

"we’re okay," you murmur, your voice soft and reassuring. "it’s okay. we’re okay."

he lets out a choked moan against your skin, his body trembling at your words.

wooyoung’s voice is barely above a whisper as he buries his face in your neck, his lips pressed against your skin in desperate kisses.

"i just... i just want to pretend for today," he mumbles, his voice almost pleading. "just for today, let me pretend like everything is fine. let me pretend like i didn't screw everything up. just... just please, let me live in this fantasy for a little while longer."

he’s holding onto you tightly, like he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go even for a moment. his body is pressed flush against yours, every inch of him in contact with you.

"please," he whispers. "please, just let me forget about everything else and just focus on you."

wooyoung pulls away from your neck, lifting his head to look at you. his expression is earnest and vulnerable, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation or discomfort.

"if you don't want this," he whispers, his fingers tracing gentle patterns over your skin, "i won't be mad, okay? i promise."

you voice your concern, your gaze searching his face as you ask, "are you sure you're in the right mind to do this?"

he looks at you for a moment, his eyes intense and sincere. then he replies, "this is the only thing i’ve been sure about recently. you’re the only thing i’m sure about."

he continues to look at you, his eyes pleading and earnest. "i know i’m not making any sense right now," he whispers. "i know i’m not in the best headspace... but the only thing i am sure about is you. you’re the only thing that makes everything else fade away."

he grips your shoulders tightly, his fingers digging into your skin as he pulls you even closer to him.

despite your reservations, your doubts and concerns, it's impossible to ignore the way your body responds to his touch. your pulse quickens, your skin heats up, your breath quickens.

but you know wooyoung well enough to know that he's not in his right mind right now. he’s vulnerable, desperate, seeking comfort and reassurance. and you know that you can't just give in to your own desires without making sure that he's absolutely certain about what he's doing. especially when your heart is also involved.

"i... i want you too," you whisper, your voice thick with emotion.

you reach up to cup his face in your hands, your fingers gently tracing his jawline. "i want you so badly," you murmur. "but i just... i need to make sure you're sure. i don't want you to regret it later."

you can feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles are coiled tight like he's holding himself back with every ounce of willpower he has left.

wooyoung’s eyes flutter shut for a moment as he melts into your touch, his breathing ragged and uneven. "i won't regret it," he whispers, his voice low and rough. "i could never regret it. not with you."

he leans into your touch, his forehead resting against yours. he looks desperate, almost pleading. "please," he murmurs. "please, just... i need you. i need you more than anything right now."

his body is pressing flush against yours, every inch of him in contact with you. you can feel the heat radiating off him, can hear the raggedness of his breathing, can smell the faint scent of his cologne.

"i can't pretend anymore," he whispers, his voice raw with emotion. "i don't want to pretend. I want this to be real. i want... i want you to be real. please. please just tell me this is real. that i’m not just imagining this."

his hands are grasping at you now, desperate and clawing, trying to hold onto you like you're the only thing grounding him to reality.

"please," he repeats, his voice ragged and hoarse. "please, tell me this is real. that you're really here, with me. that you really care about me. that you really... that you really..."

he seems unable to finish his sentence, his voice breaking on the last word.

"wooyoung..." you murmur, your voice soft and gentle. "this is real. i’m real. i’m here. i love you."

and with that, you lean in and press your lips against his in a slow, tender kiss.

his response is immediate, like a dam has broken inside of him. his hands come up to grip your waist, pulling you flush against him as he kisses you back with a desperate fervor.

he kisses you like a man starved, like he's trying to devour you, his mouth bruising against yours as his tongue tangles with yours. his body is pressed tightly against yours, every inch of him desperate to be as close to you as possible.

he murmurs your name against your lips, like a prayer, like a desperate plea. "please," he whispers, his breath hot against your skin. "please, say it again. say it again."

he needs to hear the words again, like they're the only thing keeping him grounded in reality. he needs to hear you say that you love him, that this is real, that he's not just imagining everything.

you repeat the words, your voice soft and tender. "i love you," you murmur against his lips, your fingers tracing gentle patterns over his skin. "i’m here and i love you."

and his response is to groan, his body shuddering against yours as if the words are physically painful to hear. he kisses you again, harder and more desperately than before, his body arching into yours like he can't get close enough.

his hands are restless, roaming over your body with a feverish intensity. he pulls you closer, his body pressed so close against yours that you can feel the rapid beating of his heart.

"i love you," he whispers, his voice thick and ragged. "i love you so much. please, don't go. please, just... just don't leave me."

he sounds like he's begging, like he's on the verge of tears. he buries his face in your neck, his lips pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses against your skin.

"please," he whispers again, “stay with me. i don't want to be alone.”

you tighten your arms around him, your body pressing even closer against his. you speak softly, your voice gentle and reassuring.

"i’m not going anywhere," you murmur, your fingers carding through his hair. "i’m right here. i’m not leaving you."

his body visibly relaxes at your words, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. he lets out a shuddering sigh, his shoulders slumping as he buries his face in your neck once again.

he mumbles the words against your skin, "can... can i be selfish with you?" he whispers. "can i... can i just be selfish one more time? just... just tonight?"

you nod, your body still pressed tight against his as you murmur, "yes. it’s okay. we can be selfish. just... just for tonight."

he lets out a low, guttural groan at your words, his body shuddering against yours.

your mind swirled. was this really happening? were you really about to take this leap? his body pressed closer to you, the heat and firmness of him enveloping you as he gently held your face in his hands and brought your gaze to meet his. then, he drew you into another kiss, the soft, warm press of his lips against yours igniting sparks within you.

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taglist @special4u @vampzity @jwone @devastateed @fantasy2wonderland @fixedonlove @kyeomooniee @e3ellie

#. . ᯓ . lover please stay ✦༉‧ #ateez fic #jung wooyoung fic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez writing #ateez au #ateez ff #jung wooyoung writing #jung wooyoung fanfic #jung wooyoung angst #jung wooyoung smut #jung wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung ateez #ateez jung wooyoung #jung wooyoung #ateez wooyoung

[drawnthejayys]

Meet my BLU Team OCs !!

Info/Bios under cut!

Dr. Warin Kölher

• Born in Mannheim, Germany

• Team Leader, some refer to him as "Mother Hen" because of his protective motherly attitude

• Lost his medical degree early because he kept experiencing near death situations around his workplace, they thought it was becoming too dangerous even though nobody else was affected 💀

• Survived hell and back more than once (literally) before becoming a mercenary

• Happy face pin on his hat expresses his emotions somehow?¿

• Not a demon or anything, trust me!!!!!

• Likes crows, wants one as a pet

• Says he has a rare skin condition (is lying)

Jenny Thomas

• Sees Dr. Kölher as a parental figure

• "IF AUTISM DIDN'T EXIST, GOD WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!" /ref /j

• Actually born in Canada, does not know

• Sent to Michigan (in a box) as a baby and grew up there

• Collector of many things (rocks, sticks, nuts n bolts)

• Can be very trigger happy especially on the battlefield

• Dr. Kölher gives her star stickers when he's good, he sticks them in his helmet (is tryin to collect 50 of them 🇺🇲)

• Owns chewelry because she has a biting problem but easily breaks through all of them in less than a week

Mason

• nickname: mason jar

• If Mundy listened to midwest emo (/hj)

• Look, we don't know how they escaped New Zealand when its currently at the bottom of the ocean but we don't ask

• Laid-back but lazy at times, takes a lot of naps

• Smokes more weed than Spy smoking cigarettes /hj

• Dumpster diver

• Their Jarate skills kinda go crazy

• Games with Junior, they love first-person shooters

Spy (alias: Rune)

• Get half filipino'd loser🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭

• Backup strategist for when things go to shit but also the last resort for a lot of things unfortunately

• Anxiety ridden, visits the doc often

• Good at stabbing, not much with shooting

• Acknowledges Scout as his son but is a very awkward dad. He's trying at least

• A hopeless romantic and has been looking for a partner since the divorce(tm)

• Smokes but is trying to quit, often been seen with a toothpick instead of a cigarette

• Autistic just like me fr, stims with his butterfly knife

Dallas

• Tough cowboy, doesn't play around

• "Watch your piehole son or imma SLAP YOU SILLY."

• Probably the sanest in the team

• Grumpy-pants who needs a break

• Very "tough love" kind of father figure

• "MY TEAMMATES ARE ALL MORONS!!!!" /ref /j

• Homophobic homosexual (/j)

• Despite his name, he might not even be Texan

• Tolerates Dr. Kölher the most

Dymitry (Mitya)

• Here to do his job, nothing more

• Intimidating just like the OG Heavy

• Fond of animals and small creatures

• Actually quite calm, its hard to piss him off

• He has a soft spot for Jenny and Meeka and buys them snacks on the weekends

• Jenny calls him Mitts!

Junior

• Transmasc bastard

• He'll beat your ass (for fun!)

• Good friends with Sniper, they listen to music and play video games together!

• Knows Spy is his dad and is very nonchalant about it, much to Spy's dismay ("I am your fathe-" "Whatever, don't care, didn't ask")

• Has braces paid for by Spy but has to leave base monthly to go to an actual dentist because Dr. Kölher didn't wanna keep seeing him cry whenever he had to get his braces tightened

•Still has buck teeth :3

Meeka

• Your honour, they're just a little guy

• Hangs around Mitya to keep him company, theyre the best of friends!

• Goes on crazy killing sprees with Jenny during matches

• Ongoing beef/goof-off with the RED Team's Pyro

• Pinkie Pie energy!!

• Dallas is their (adoptive) dad!

Angus

• Superstitious about a lot of things but keeps it to himself

• For some reason is always very warm which is why he's shirtless 90% of the time

• Has some amazing tits ngl

• Will wear a dress to the function and be the hottest one there

• His fav food is burber 🍔

• Loves hard rum and scotch (its important to me that all my demo ocs have a fav alcoholic beverage)

------------------------

That's all of them! I hope you like them :3

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanart #tf2 oc art #tf2 ocs #tf2 blu team #jay arts things #i love my sillies