#even though i was born and raised in america it still means nothing to me 🫤

[fruixtii]

fireworks always make me emotional for some reason…

#eid fireworks are always 100x better than fourth of july fireworks imo #even though i was born and raised in america it still means nothing to me 🫤 #anyways eid mubarak! tomorrow i have to go out to a farm and stay there the whole day 🥲 #lets hope i don’t die of heatstroke #it was really hot today and i know it’s going to be worse tomorrow #i don’t think i’ll have anything to do there so i might still be active on here #or maybe i’ll bring my ipad so i can draw

[another-corpo-rat]

Hello… do you have any head canons for Hansen to share? I was disappointed to only have one conversation with him, and you seem like a good person to ask. >:3

Me? Having ideas about the warlord? Nooo never-

Anyways here’s a list of Thoughts that I hope are vaguely coherent, though warning: they’re a tad all over the place

He was raised by his granny on his father’s side. She was actually from Serbia, and had met his grandfather when he spent some time there then moved back to America with him. His grandfather was dead before he was born, and his mother’s parents weren’t present in his life. Grandma Hansen practically raised little Kurt, his parents were career-oriented – his father a colonel and his mother held some minor political role – so their time for him was limited.

She fostered his love for her home country as she shared stories of her own childhood while tucking him in to bed, or when he was still small enough to sit on her knee. One evening she told him a story of the bauk, and boy did that plant a mild fear of the dark him. He had to sleep with a nightlight for a few weeks after.  

His granny owned a dog when he was growing up, dear ol’ Bowie. She was a big loveable mutt who was already quite old when Kurt was born. She’d sleep under his crib when he was a baby, and would walk shakily alongside him as he was taking his first steps. Almost every photo of baby Kurt has Bowie in it, up until he was four years old and she passed.

He got to choose their next pet dog when he was eight, it was a mean looking bastard he named Titan. The Barghest symbol is based on him.

His gran died just before he got promoted to colonel. It broke his heart that she didn’t get to see it, because she was so excited to see him get the recognition he deserved. He took her ashes back to Serbia, promised that he’d visit when he could. He hasn’t been able to visit for a while.

His dad’s dead by the time Barghest is finding its feet, his mother gets removed from her position while Myers is simultaneously airing her very public condemning of her son’s actions. Nothing’s heard from her since. She’s probably dead too tbh.

Kurt’s lactose intolerant. He had to learn to like his coffee black, the cramps just weren’t worth it. (weakling)

Damn though can this man handle his drink. He can hold eye contact and not make a face as he downs vodka straight from the bottle. His men get a good laugh when he blames them and their shit for it. Tbh he’s only partially joking

Kurt when he hears the bullshit Yuri tries to pull:

His right arm is a recent cybernetic only gotten in the past year or two, meanwhile his left was standard militech-issued at the time he was serving. He suffered a relatively minor injury during training and took the opportunity to get an upgrade.

He’s rather wary of netrunners, esp more combat oriented ones. While he appreciates their effectiveness and utility, he always has an edge of caution around them and takes particular care to keep them either charmed or afraid, whatever keeps them from potentially acting against him.

During Operation: Midnight Storm, there was always this quiet wariness to Hansen and his men when an Arasaka AV would fly close to their position. Each time they waited in absolute silence, dreading to hear ‘Code: A.S’ over the comms Some of the younger, braver, stupid men were biting at the bit for it, Hansen wasn’t keen to be added to Arasaka’s graveyard by Smasher.

He’s a light sleeper. He doesn’t particularly struggle in getting to sleep, it’s just that a pin dropping can wake him

He’s quite Spartan in regards to his personal possessions – his room lacks a lot of personal touch, there’s really nothing that signifies it as Kurt’s beyond the small collection of knives and guns on display. If anything it could be mistaken as another storage room. Even the bed, while fucking massive, isn’t comfortable beyond measure, the mattress is stiff and the pillows memory foam.

He listens to the same music on repeat and has done for the past few years. I’m inflicting my personal tastes on him and saying his favs includes Biffy Clyro (x), Iron Maiden (x), and Black Sabbath (x)

Even though he could get actual real meat he still prefers the taste of synth-beef, it’s what he grew up knowing. Probably eats more pot noodles than he should, but he’s a busy man and they’re quick and filling

Because I think it’s funny and would rile Johnny up something fierce: Kurt…appreciates Silverhand’s actions back in ’23. He’s well aware Silverhand got the nuke from Militech and is a massive fucking hypocrite but hey, isn’t everyone? He wouldn’t be where he is now if Johnny didn’t get that ball a-rolling.

Barghest does have a militant structure, a very clear hierarchy of who’s in charge of who, but it’s a lot more casual? In how they speak with each other. Even with Kurt. He makes them see him as a person and not this mighty figurehead. He jokes around with recruits, might ruffle one’s hair in passing after knocking the shit outta them and giving them pointers on their footing. It’s partially real affection for the people under his command, and another part is simple manipulation – he wants to give them something real to tether their loyalty to, wants them to see him as a man, a terrifying, brutal bastard at times but nonetheless a man, and not the untouchable better-than-you titan the higher-ups at the NUSA always painted themselves as.

Speaking of brutality – it’s something I feel like the game didn’t really show of his. Even V seems quite flippant towards his threat of sending them back in body bags – Hansen’s hands were tied that particular night as he didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his guests. Bad for PR and all that. But the worst of his punishments make the corps look tame. He doesn’t immediately execute; he tortures until there’s nothing left of the person from fingernails to spirit. And then their bodies are just tossed in the disposal units. Though, public executions on his order aren’t all that uncommon either.

Not so much a headcanon as a thought: I genuinely don’t know what would have happened to Songbird had Kurt’s plans gone perfect. Maybe he might’ve let her fly away, let the little bird go on to the stars, keep his word and all that. But it’d be just as easy to make her disappear; she’s dangerous, a living weapon that’s he’s already got his use out of. A loose end who knows too much. I wouldn’t be surprised if the freedom he’d have given her was a bullet to the brain.

Knife play! Blood kink! Choking kink!! He also likes pulling hair a lot

He gets put on the back foot quite quickly if his partner takes charge, he’s used to being expected to take on that role, but he recovers and indulges quick enough

He runs hot, just an absolute radiator of a man who’d probably be great to cuddle with if NC wasn’t in a fucking desert.

He’s distressingly touch-starved and would probably sink into a proper hug like a warm bath.

While he is very much alive and well in Victoria’s canon, I do like to think that following his death certain information was transferred to NetWatch pertaining to Songbird and what Myers had her do beyond the Blackwall. Fucking her over even when he’s gone, a last little fuck you as he still somehow manages to get the last laugh.

#cyberpunk 2077 #phantom liberty #Kurt Hansen #why Felix its almost like you know bald war criminals are my bread and butter- #but yea I do have some headcanons for the man #just a fewwwww #the biggest difficulty i had was deciding what iron maiden song to link to

[unhonestlymirror]

It might be just me but I feel like the nations popping out of the ground or out of nowhere is kinda meh, I prefer that they're born biologically out of humans or other nations. I just, can't see a whole flesh and blood baby popping outta the mud even though its hetalia we're talking about. I don't wanna seem allo but like, yknow.💀

Yeah, I'm also not in awe of such theory. Nothing comes out of nowhere. Popping out of mud like demons in Good Omens... Naaaah...

I like the theory that a nation's personification gets isekaied to a human body. This would explain how nations are able to resurrect, interact with humans, and why they also don't really want to die. It also can be both funny and tragic and bloody af, like in Jujutsu Kaisen.

Although their life cycle is pretty individual and dependents on many factors, there are some basics:

The stronger the national identity, the faster a nation's appearance manifests itself over the natural host.

A nation strongly depends on three main aspects: language, people, and land (LPL).

There is, of course, a spectrum, not an absolutism. For example, the stronger the language aspect, the more likely a micronation can develop into an independent state. It all depends on politics.

A nation manifests in a person who recently died and whose body didn't receive much damage.

A nation doesn't have memories of a previous host of a body. Usually. There is too much to remember already.

If a nation is young enough or in case of some exceptions, it can manifest in a baby's body. Who recently died. Oblivious people call it a miracle.

Usually, a nation starts manifesting (borns) much earlier it actually declares its existence officially. Official declaration for a nation means coming of age.

If a nation is being consumed, it develops the appearance of its consumer.

The stronger national identity, the faster a nation regenerates and resurrects. It still hurts af.

The bigger and the more rapid is the disbalance in LPL, the more likely its physical manifestation can develop insanity.

Insanity manifests in a unique way for anyone. For Belarus, it's a weight loss, for russia, it's obesity. For Liet, it's getting covered in moss and plants, for Latvia, it's turning into sand, for Ukraine, it's turning into stone. It's a serious, uncontrollable state that can easily lead to death.

Basic active ways of fighting insanity are militarization, raise in national identity markers (NIM) level, government change, policy change, decolonisation, land restoration, or partition.

Each nation has their own passive ways of fighting insanity: for Ukraine, it's humour and memory loss, for Poland, it's religion, for Latvia, it's alcoholism, for Belarus, it's talking with plants, etc.

Nations can operate with one or several "superpowers," which depend on one of LPL aspect. It can be changing in size, like for Finland or lightnings/growth and limb length control for Latvia. Lithuania finds its superpower (being able to turn into fire) pretty useless for current times.

The bigger a nation is, the more superpowers it can use. However, the more superpowers it can use, the worse the control and cognitive functions. Like in Naruto.

A dying nation manifestation develops grey hair and severe memory loss.

Nations can easily change their sex, yet they don't have internal reproductive organs. Unless there is a disbalance in the people aspect of LPL. For example, it's hard for China to hold its woman form due to its long sex-based discrimination.

A nation's manifestation can change its appearance based on how many different people live in it. It's not a problem for America, but it's a significant struggle for Lithuania to make its skin black.

Technically, a nation manifestation can't do much without its people. That's why russia whimpers before its "bosses," that's why Ukraine (as well as Poland) immediately tries to get into politics and prove to everyone, especially her government, that she is the real boss here the moment she resurrects.

A nation manifestation is able to passively monitor all of its people desires. Technically, it depends on its people desires the same way a human depends on its organs' desires: If you are holding back instead of going to the toilet - it hurts, and you're not able to hold it for long.

There is no biological kinship for nations manifestations. To be siblings, all nations must actively agree to be siblings every day. No one has the right to declare someone its sibling without active, mutual, honest agreement. No one has the right to claim anything on the basis of kinship because there is no biological kinship.

#hetalia #headcanons #hws aph poland #hws aph ukraine #hws aph lithuania #hws aph latvia

[renatedagmarmilada]

another turn, better or worse.

OBAMA OR WHAT?

 I fear we settled on the wrong shores

gave our best to the wrong stores

did our chores with the worst lot

who brought us nothing but rot

 Eldest son Shaun

(won't tell you of me

how I put down my head in shame

when as a girl the Head of my C of E-

having given out the honours of that year

added: and even our foreign girl

got distinctions, one in English)

He was jumped upon

by a whole class, seriously

when a little Junior lad

broke his bone

cause he's like a wop

means he tans easily

and to those who don't know

a wop is an Eitei!

 then when he grew

with his ten GCE's clutched

wished a place in the Airforce

-this comes from me

the Women's Junior Air Corp

trained me too

-we love aviation-

where I was much liked

till I decided it was not on

to pray for strangers

but not to pray for my own

 I'll give them this

the Royal Air Force

were honest with him

 lad- they gruffly said

you and your family

all bright as buttons

but you know

your name is not only Irish

great-grandfather was from Mayo

and your mother

woe be me

from behind the Iron Curtain

Hunnish refugee

'but, we had been ejected

they had not wanted us!'

 honest though the officer was

so we listened

go Civilian and so he did

and never regretted

forty over now

an American company is his employ

leads a good and fulfilling life

 but now the youngest son too

has got a full hundred minus one at Uni

 are we still from behind the Iron Curtain

or has the curtain moved?

has their great grandfather

and his old lady

barmaid from Dublin

retained their former status

or are they now friends of this Kingdom?

Three generations I was told today

before you can be cleared to climb

and then, well expect complications..

 settled? You're all wrong what ever you assume

they use us for Experiments illegal now

 which they normally use on Down's Syndrome

but how can we complain

we were with her Ladyship

the dear Princess

-just don't let me hear a word said against her-

she was on the same programme

a programme with no safety net

(So why has the lab raised all those lab pakis?)

so off to China I am off again

 so I conclude we chose the wrong place

then I learnt this amazing revelation

 Obama was not even BORN in America

I am still in shock -

 ANOTHER REVUE

 they never break the law

they never have scandals

they never do anything wrong

 this is how it is done

microsound this morning:

(microsound is sound cut into pieces

and replaced by what is on the computer

-see BBC broadcast some ten years ago)

the microsound was supposed to send her mad

we wanted to get her into hospital

then we were going to walk around

talking talking talking

-wasn't supposed to write it all up-

so we have to pinch it from her house

 follow normal procedures

but in secret

no we do not open parcels#

(giggle - normally!)

 'I will be pleased when you are gone'

off to China again?

I don't think that is part of the same bumph

 'and remember all of you'

added lab Anna from St Barths

and I quote here:

'you all owe me till you die

 time for another revue

revues are necessary to keep bashing

 we have your history

means a whole range of lies

says lab Anna from St Barths

I'm off to see the Ministry

(for a bit of gymnastics and sport mayhap?)

sort it out

play as much as you want

 it is ok

totally destroying the rule of law

is perfectly ok

as long as no one can catch you..

 once coming home from late nursing shift

at London's Newham Hospital

I picked up my phone at Plashet Road

my daughter chatting

over which a voice said

'and what if she dies

she dies that is all..

who is going to care

no one can prove anything..'

and I won't tell you of what they got up to

at that hospital

They say hospitals are their play ground

I had thought it was the Ministry!

 'watch your back from friends

that is whom we are using..'

we wrote the report the lab are using

to spread around the world

doing what is outlawed everywhere-

you don't understand

like this:

anti-social means the same as

keeping your own council

and never gossiping about people

Iffy is an expert at it..'

 Iffy was a little boy from a Pakistani family

friends who lived two doors away

(they give themselves names)

so I presume an asian at the lab

 pressed my sternum at night and hyped B.P

milder than recently though

 ''The-we want you dead group-

are still here don't forget..

 'watch her cash flow

doesn't spend

make everything ten times more expensive for her

and cause all sorts of problems

dirty tricks boys get going..'

 'as she ever pinched anything at all

anything, the smallest thing...

(when lab Anna was young she did)

we could put things in her cupboards

If we are caught out

we could say they are replacements

for those things we had taken'

 'ou are an enemy of the State

(I am always teaching interesting stuff about the Isle)

ok you are an enemy of lab Anna

which amounts to the same

especially now that the connection

between you and Tony Banks and others

has been realised

but they won' say anything...'

 ''YOu all owe me for the rest of your lives don't forget!"

we have to break the respect they have for her

as a teacher..

say, it is no good

she won't conform

say she has experience

but lacks experience

say that she...

 pick up something, anything

which happened once

blow it out of all proportion

change the perspective

add a few lies

 you have just got to make her spend

once she is totally dependant on our hand outs.........

 it is all legal

we have just had another revue

we have a revue regularly

to talk about your case

we are not illegal

we told you on microsound

you have had your revue

prove it

 we told the Parliament people

we were supporting you through this experiment

the microsound telling you after the event

is the support

no way for you to ever prove it..

 it is all legal really

and the information from the simulations

deaths, slaughters, torture and maiming

sits in the computer

it is actually useless stuff

but they pay us good money

we all pay good taxes to keep it all going

it is all legal!

 PEA GREEN AND PURPLE

 no one asked if they could film us constantly

day and night

night and day

 no one asked if they could beam us constantly

day and night

night and day

 no one asked from New  York

the sister company of London

Behavioural science

if they could do anything at all to us

 they did it to us

and to anyone whom they could get

never telling anyone

 said the jewess at New  York

sister company of London

(why do all jews work at the mental experimentation places)

 and now you know who taught the Nazis

in their experimental camps

the tricks they got up to

amongst the ordinary population

the same system

which ran the experimental camps then

 she said:

I wouldn't have thought of using pea green with deep purple

like she does lots of the time

as we watch her daily

painting the night away

and the days at Sheffield Art College

that is worth copying

by our New York designers

who no doubt were also all jewish

 do you know

we had lost everything to save jews

I am a bit miffed

but they copied it all

and the rest..........

and the rest........

and the rest....

 well well well....

 WHO HAS BLOCKED YOU

 there won't even be chastisement

for the lab St Barths behavioural science

it came from above this slaughter

 all the people killed

all those maimed

all those destroyed

 by the whim of a rogue lab

I told it simply enough

held silence till I was sure

 the answer

no one will find out

maybe a long time in the future

 it came from above

she must have done something--

that's me who is the she

 one can't help wondering

why God made some people so naive

but then we have to be of every spectre, I suppose

 --no, have you ever heard of vulnerable

and useful for a purpose

because they can't be heard, can't fight

 what she can do, said the Tory, proof?

can be taken and destroyed

there won't even be chastisement

 the troublesome ones at the top are dead

cover all the straight rub them outs

then cover the covers

 those given good positions without education

will intime make mistakes

then there will be more chaos

 watching a porn film made up

and writing about your own sex life

is not a profession

 and slowly the sun which sank over the Empire

will sink over the grey rock

as the water eats its shores

 and you would have thought the Germans had learnt

to keep their noses clean at last

there is a simple word, NO...this is corrupt though seems legal.

 FRANCENE AND THE BOOK CLUB

 Francene is a Scotts lass

she likes the fellas and a laugh

her laugh is disliked by the bossess

at the lab where she has been brought to heights

St Barths Behavioural Science

 she was brought to heights

because Francene was happy to copy

to use up my work on their blasted machine

which has on it my whole life

and every word I ever writ or drew

 all who copy the work

are brought to heights by the lab

as their students had copied the work

as their own thesis stuff

and then the lab made out

that american students had copied for their thesis

so they needed the americans to help clear them

 The lab operatives, wives and such of the quacks

that is the qualification, or to be jewish

were sending my Uni work and creative

from Art College and Literature degree

to Cosmopolitan as their own work

under their own name

Imagine Women's World

printing Hungarian refugee stories

changed to Jewish refugee stories

printed in major magazines in England

and they all wonder why the Iranians doubt...

 so their system guy

which New York sister lab said was the most evil

in all of the States came up with a plan

to destroy me and us

sad really as he was a jew as were New York

and my family had lost everything

and faced concentration camp each day

to feed jews and keep them alive

(I almost feel I should pray for him poor beggar

though he thinks he has everything

loyalty is greater than power or money)

 the bossess didn't like Francene

so put her in charge of another nest of evil

and Francene wrote my work

and got concerned that she didn't even have a GCSE

(I got English a-star in my GCE)

under the lab bossess's instructions

(can you imagine

all that scottish history

and she writes about an elderly east european

refugee from transit and refugee camps!

me, I would want to write about my own problems)

 The bossess pushes her protegees work very hard

like Christopher the Oxford gran she fancied as a toy boy

she gave four books

packaged and sold to

I almost laugh when I imagine the Oxford Dons reading

and passing high comments about my work in disguise

and Francene, though she wa common as muck she said

she pushed very hard too

 Nicely presented said the book club

well it would be, with the best in the land presenting it

(I know it is all that woman's work

but it doesn't matter)

so now the book club sells my work in disguise

for Francene who's laugh we have all heard

 and Francene said to Anna of the lab

I think I prefer a career to writing that woman's books

(I think she thinks it will be discovered one day)

please can you 'career forward' me

 we never knew how corrupt England was

studied the Letter A at Degree level

seen endless films about them

spoke of why they fled to the new world

but had no idea

nothing has changed

they use their subcontinent slaveys to do the dirty work

and gather all in for themselves

corrupt old devils at that Ministry!

 what is a bit of a shock

is that such low life

gets such professional situations

that is something we didn't know...

 I have always been polite at public offices

never one to insult or be impatient

never again

I sit there laughing at them now

sneeringly!

con merchants

the lot of them over here.

 PRAYER AT LAHORE

 living at Jihad Headquarters

no problem

they don't know what two sided snakes

some of theirs are over here

playing both sides and the middle

for big money against their own people

watching their own people even in bed

giving them simulated illnesses remote

on screens for the Ministry's lab

at that time

neither did I

Lab-Pakistani Big Brother is watching you too

brother!

 fleeing from big brother at the Ministry

-still thinking in the British way

back then with problems-

and the lab St Barths put over

the Queen adviced clear off to there

as had always been the case in this country

and I even wrote to Buckingham Palace

 but then the Palace promised no more rape

and they didn't keep to their promise at all

 We both believe in a God

it is just the Church of England

which receives its pay from the State

which is a worry

this political wasp unwanted

as it is a State organisation from another country

differentiation the media never bothers to declare

 invited to Sunday lunch

it was time for Mass

lunch was dropped

and all the guest perturbed

rush her over to the Cathedral

 got lost on the bus

thought I'd try a new route

walked and walked

getting nowhere

saw the Punjab Reclamation Centre

ah......all at work

at the desk a group of workers

take me to your leader

I declared with heat

the little devil walking me up the stairs

kept trying to get hold of my arm

sliding his hand onto my chest

 got to the room of the boss

a lady in green sitting on a stage

behind a huge desk

below a fair way on chairs

four young men taking notes

 could you help me please

I need to get to prayer

no one knows where

but we will try to get you there

 get out the motor scooter

WHAT-- I am well over half a centuary old

perched on the back

we flew through the city

promptly got lost

passed the police man at the corner

who used to laugh each morning

as I tried to cross the road to the Uni

he waved the traffic on as I was half way across

devil...

 now these subcontinent ladies

knew how to keep their scarves on their head not as a flag

navy chiffon scarf flying six foot behind me

and again as we got more lost

till the policeman bent double laughing

and we finally found the Cathedral

 but best Mass of all was Tuesday night

which was the Urdu Mass

bongo drums and all

most amazing music

Cathedral filled beyond the doors

I am sure the lady next to me is saying Muslim prayers

I've lived with them, rich and poor and know

then at the end

I discover why

a bag of rice and a loaf of bread

just like the Sermon on the Mount

for every one who attended.......

 and a smile for me

when I come with the kids

to the Mosque

 life and people are fun everywhere

Governments are a pain.

 ALL IN A BASKET

 Little Mary

whose dad had a big business

came from some where in the hinterland

China is huge

her friend was a lovely Mongolian girl

who clung to me

 little Mary knew she was Christian

but later told me

I don't think I am one of your type

the missionary told my gran

one lot believe God is a woman called Mary

but our lot believe God is a man

I suspect she was some form of Protestant

 She believed I was a- one who called God a woman

well, a bit of woman worship is a good thing too-

never the less she was one of my groupies

sharp little madam she was too

but got jealous when the Mongolian girl

also became a groupie

The missionaries left impressions

but where not trained teachers

so a lot of them over there

are more confused than ever

but cling to single items

 like my top Monitor

at the previous State Uni I taught at

knew his granny had a Bible

but didn't know anymore than that

I took him to Mass

but he found it to complicated

 Chinese Priests yell like billy-ho

even my friend-Priests

and lay down the law rather strictly

just like when I was a kid in Bavaria

though their congregation attends well

well it was a German Protectorate

and the old Priest still speaks fluent German-

all sorts of people have come to Church with me

all over the place

then the Church frightens them away..

 -very like a Rabbi I knew

at a Synagogue where I had been

who would yell constantly

angrily at his congregation

Why? I had to ask one day, so you yell so

because they are such bad bu**ers I was told!

 I had to smile

when visiting St  Petersburg at a dinner

I pointed to a lovely barometer

German said the hostess proudly

brought by my grandfather from the Black Forest

but you know the purges

nearly everyone is part german here

but we all had to burn or destroy all our past

but I managed to save that

 after a while a little group of girls gathered

most of them LOVE religion out there

and I always have them discuss and debate

the Ten Commandments in class

as all law is based on them

and they need to understand them

then they talk about what they believe

including the young men who strongly announce

'I believe in myself only..'

there are also refugee tales I could tell them to that

but I desist..

 Take us to Church Miss they begged

so one Sunday morning we set off

one half hours on the bus into the city

one hour on the bus to the right place

lost a time or two

finally we got there

the English Mass had finished

stay I told my girls

another is about to begin

 no one understood the language

another large catholic community

very beautiful singing but different order

Mary didn't understand it either

(she felt herself to be an authority on these things)

and all the girls followed us two

finally methought

that must be Communion

come Mary I said

all the girls followed into the line

(you can never tell them at first

it is only for catholics)

 a basket with a lacy cloth over it

I dipped my hand in

thinking how every catholic in the world also..

and fetched out... an RMB

a chinese coin

being watched curiously

too late,

Mary was already dipping in

bringing out a coin

the girls were in a line behind

we had to get the girls back

and returned to their seats

as some of them might not

relinquish their coins so easily

 and I am not talking

of the time

we went to Mass at St Bernadettes

and toddler Jonathan dropped the plate

and one year older Ryan thought wey hey

all those pennies and silver

and started filling his pockets

Big Sister and Big Brother Shaun

embarrassed turned away

so there I was unfilling the little pockets

back into the plate

got it all I hope

 The girls did not understand at all

and decided it was a lot of nothing

but getting money was a jolly good thing

we didn't tell them they were supposed to give

but the congregants

where ever it was

they had all come from

living presently in Beijing

giggled under their hankies

 I never did manage to explain

but have had many laughs

in many places and countries

over many mishaps

and people are always wonderful..

 WHERE TO NEXT

 disastrous war

might as well develop south-america now

 it'll be a free for all

at first the whites skills will dominate

 then it'll be an Indian and black overturn

there are only seventeen per cent of us in the world

 but that's where to put your money now

The chinese are already viewing

 they have a lovely saying:

where ever the americans don't go

 we go....what about starting with Patagonia

no wonder Thatcher hung onto the Falklands..

 but that woman loved her country what ever she was

unlike some who have followed her!

 say that lot, the english are awful, really horrible

we prefer the germans, they keep their noses to themselves

 just what the Africans said, most of our lot

are heading back east once we have the money

 we don't really reckon YOUR style democracy at all

and the Isle population-stress and weather stinks.

 CHINA QUOTE

''tell them to cool the thing

about China

 and about Tibet

they are all telling the same story

 absolutely identical-

it's become like the german thing

 but they show  marks on their bodies

yes, well, those also can be got''

 was the quote which was interesting

and why I like the americans

 you can befuddle them for a while

then common sense takes over

 delete delete delete orders St Barths from the machine

I don't keep secrets, that is how wars are made!

 and last night cleverly said on tv

makes you think at times

 we have five times your population

(five?) and ten times less crime in China!

 so which system works and as for me

I don't believe in democracy anymore at all

 I listen to crimes in Tibet and make no excuses

but sit here going through unbelieveable pain

 with no where to complain

knowing what else this lab have done to innocent people

 I know all the reasons and shortcomings

bothwestern and of the East

 the chinese 'do' criminals according to their law

whilst over here we 'do' the most innocent by remote-

 begging is not permitted in China

at times a blind eye is turned

 they are supposed to be in the appropriate place

even at my local Catholic Church at my first city of teaching

 one only sat outside, a catholic who then joined into Mass

there were two thousand catholics in that city

 and many other churches and temples sign posted

mainline Churches are not frowned upon

 Catholics have good Posts if law abiding

I was delivered to and from Church by catholic friends

 in one of those big black cars which seemed quite fun

and yes, back way back then, they closed the nunneries

 this is why, the population not fed, starving, births needed control

good or bad, emergency measures were in force

 the law says you may worship what or whom you please

but you should NOT coerce anyone else

 I have always been given Sundays off in China

have always been respected for my Beliefs or what ever

 work round the system, teaching Christmas Day

pupils bring food and films, party time

 can't have Good Friday off

all pupils in the class come to Church to study architecture

 there are a dozen and one easy ways round every 'problem'

which cause no one any pain

 my only agro is those who yell they are Christian

to get a free passage to the West, annoying blighters

 in Muslim countries too, follow laws but stand firm to your rules

why fly a red rag at a bull, use a white flag if it is more productive

 by the same token when Muslims here shout at me

about how the Bible and literature are linked so need to be learnt

 my short answer is, you decided to come here

we did not force you to come, you have to live in our Culture

 o.k. I try never to take sides as ALL parts have good and bad

democracy means: not what you think it means-

 it is merely better bureacracy to cover all ill doings!

the rest the chinese are working at, and others try to work at

 that nice bit for the rest of the population who abide

and 'who are the north Americans

 who claim they have just taken all her work?

oh, more jews..,'

 You will find, said the lab, that the jews are into taking

from Huns who helped them live through Hitler!

 CAREER FOR FRIENDS OF THE LAB

  alyson needed a career

she was a dud painter

painted all my stuff for the lab

wrote all my stuff for the lab

but had no qualifications what so ever

 she needed raising

the lab St Barths Behavoural Science

raises all friends and all those whom it uses

who use my work automatic passes

or use a prgramme of abuse and theft

which uses me as its centre

 Now why three days ago

did someone suddenly press my lungs so hard

that even I was in severe pain beyond bearing

and then during the night pressed my skull so hard

that it hurt all day

the quack Miller usually used to do that

bashed my skull to shreds

especially during lessons

daddy of Fay who intoned

my daddy works with the retarded

after they had given her all my work

with guarantees to sell

(why do all jews want to be painters and writers

and copy Hungarians work as theirs?)

and the lab laughed

and added

and usually kills them..

 It's ok, we put on the file

which spins and spins

not the old M.P. is the child molester

it all goes on her file

everyone's misdeeds

so all our sadistic killers have an excuse

we are each one of us

supposed to destroy every part of your life

your health, family, work and everything

 and it has continued ..

for the others, maimed, dead and the rest -

their thieves continue to rob the house endlessly

the up to the total limit pain each has to produce

on the machine of death

then slowly they have to dacker it down

and I am supposed to believe

or make others believe it was 'just pain'

though they use us for their experiments

and the microsound goes endlessly

 'Kill her dead, three or four women could lose their jobs

we have to destroy her reputation everywhere

in education too, that is in hand,

however professional she is

we do it by tuning people

but they don't know about that technique yet

the americans kept it secret

she-victim only guessed because she thinks

and mother was an interpreter for the russian von-Braun

they keep their eyes and ears open

whilst talking about the food at Marks and Spencers

we don't tell governments what we are doing

and we call that 'challenging her' (me)

her grandfather came from a small market town in Hungary

force her back there and then push her down further...

 Alyson is no better than I am says lab Anna

-oh well birds of a feather

Can I work with you she wanted to know

-No, this works only because I move everyone around

I qualify the unqualifyable

they get a professional qualification

then I move them to a good post

then they are lost in the system

Let the copers sort it out

except they can't

cause they don't know the technology

and the lab England's political police

uses them too!

 We have already understood

lab Anna will lie on the stand

and tell all others what to lie

 My God, I didn't know it was developed so far

the clever americans who gave it to the worst criminals

who have added their own blend of sadism to it

what a shame

The Time - Watch people will discover in time

they WILL find out one day

just keep telling the truth

though we know you say very little of what you know

how ever much they ridicule you

how ever much the lab destroys all your hard work

how ever much they destroy your successes

 pressing heart badly now

my computer is tied to theirs at the lab

and I am on screen

all I say and do is seen

microsound

I wanted to give you a heart attack or collapsed lungs

and put you into hospital

it says you signed for it

 you fool, added lab Anna

it is not a proper form...keep that out of it

pressing lungs badly now

and I have to teach the rest of the day

 until someone tumbles on us

we will carry on destroying, using, destroying using

destroying, using, destroying, using..

  THE AMERICANS

 alyson needed a career

she was a dud painter

painted all my stuff for the lab

wrote all my stuff for the lab

but had no qualifications what so ever

 she needed raising

the lab St Barths Behavoural Science

raises all friends and all those whom it uses

who use my work automatic passes

or use a prgramme of abuse and theft

which uses me as its centre

 Now why three days ago

did someone suddenly press my lungs so hard

that even I was in severe pain beyond bearing

and then during the night pressed my skull so hard

that it hurt all day

the quack Miller usually used to do that

bashed my skull to shreds

especially during lessons

daddy of Fay who intoned

my daddy works with the retarded

after they had given her all my work

with guarantees to sell

(why do all jews want to be painters and writers

and copy Hungarians work as theirs?)

and the lab laughed

and added

and usually kills them..

 It's ok, we put on the file

which spins and spins

not the old M.P. is the child molester

it all goes on her file

everyone's misdeeds

so all our sadistic killers have an excuse

we are each one of us

supposed to destroy every part of your life

your health, family, work and everything

 and it has continued ..

for the others, maimed, dead and the rest -

their thieves continue to rob the house endlessly

the up to the total limit pain each has to produce

on the machine of death

then slowly they have to dacker it down

and I am supposed to believe

or make others believe it was 'just pain'

though they use us for their experiments

and the microsound goes endlessly

 'Kill her dead, three or four women could lose their jobs

we have to destroy her reputation everywhere

in education too, that is in hand,

however professional she is

we do it by tuning people

but they don't know about that technique yet

the americans kept it secret

she-victim only guessed because she thinks

and mother was an interpreter for the russian von-Braun

they keep their eyes and ears open

whilst talking about the food at Marks and Spencers

we don't tell governments what we are doing

and we call that 'challenging her' (me)

her grandfather came from a small market town in Hungary

force her back there and then push her down further...

 Alyson is no better than I am says lab Anna

-oh well birds of a feather

Can I work with you she wanted to know

-No, this works only because I move everyone around

I qualify the unqualifyable

they get a professional qualification

then I move them to a good post

then they are lost in the system

Let the copers sort it out

except they can't

cause they don't know the technology

and the lab England's political police

uses them too!

 We have already understood

lab Anna will lie on the stand

and tell all others what to lie

 My God, I didn't know it was developed so far

the clever americans who gave it to the worst criminals

who have added their own blend of sadism to it

what a shame

The Time - Watch people will discover in time

they WILL find out one day

just keep telling the truth

though we know you say very little of what you know

how ever much they ridicule you

how ever much the lab destroys all your hard work

how ever much they destroy your successes

 pressing heart badly now

my computer is tied to theirs at the lab

and I am on screen

all I say and do is seen

microsound

I wanted to give you a heart attack or collapsed lungs

and put you into hospital

it says you signed for it

 you fool, added lab Anna

it is not a proper form...keep that out of it

pressing lungs badly now

and I have to teach the rest of the day

 until someone tumbles on us

we will carry on destroying, using, destroying using

destroying, using, destroying, using..

  MYRTLE

 says the lab

give Myrtle the play she wrote

and you Emma

the many sneak thieves

tuned by us from our lab

especially our lab parkis

all around her

will continue thieving the works

and paintings and what they fancy

 and she, me says to you

do you recall in the England of old

they would put people into the stocks

then the citizens would throw cabbage at them

the prisoner guilty or not

could not defend themselves

 and do you recall

when the British took over from the Moguls

they hunted down the kings four sons

brought their heads and placed them on the throne

then dragged the old King through the streets

before throwing him into a darkened dungeon

to finish his life

 and do you recall

how Africa had many Kings

but they would have been standing

when meeting the Great British Queen

so they had to demote them to tribal chiefs

to ensure everyone had to kneel to the Queen

 and do you recall

how the new world happened

corruption on this Isle

was so bad

and its people here so badly abused

they fled to any corner of the world

to escape their own Ministries

not much changes with these island savages, does it

 one I wrote on the BE'd

English specialist

at Sheffield Polytechnic

from which the lab terrorised me

after two years and in the classrooms-

as well as poetry and short stories

I wrote plays one or two

 all is lodged on the computer

at St Barths Behavioural Science

which takes and makes prisoners

from the community

breaks people and makes its friends

to the top to cover its own terrors

 this prison is for life

we took them prisoner in 1983

 if we release them

so we cannot control every action

every word every farthing

close every door as she tries to open it

we of the lab all face prison

some of it for manslaughter

prisoners for life....

 laugh, came to the West for freedom

from the dictatorship of the East

 Go to the United Nations they say

but please kind Sirs

tell me how

they even block a simple police visit...

 lab Parkis blocking all post to friends in Russia now

''we just tear up the envelopes and what is inside them

and any email we don't like is deselected

anything in which we had a hand

and anything about parki bad behaviour in the land..

 it keeps circling, circling, spinning

spinning as the L.A. Jew there taught

each crime is repeated

each torture concreted

worse than worst communist China here now

 Lauren lab jewish wife of the lab axe man says

I dread going on the stand

Anna lab bossess just says

say this and say that

has no conception of what lies are

and I can cheat but not lie very well

 but how can you run-

with a ninety one year old mum

still alive and kicking

who BELIEVES in the british democracy

it's the KGB doing all this she thinks!

I know better................

 THIS BRAVE NEW WORLD

 they did what?

they manipulated a nervous breakdown

for the Princess

for so many women

and me too

all of it unseen

done remote

they divorce everyone

then have the women

do what they do

bossess has had over fifty lovers

and cruises with no underwear on

in the evenings in her car

She feels this is normal behaviour

for normal women

 They have used these toys and tools

in mental homes

for a long long time

and the lab St Barths

is so guilty its only scare

it dare not be caught

our State hides and raises them

 which banks did your victim use

in an effort to save their little

the money from the sale of the family house

to be able to leave this Island of horrors for ever

where tiny helpless women

who work very hard to try to keep body and soul together

have money robbed from their bank accounts

by lab workers, toilet cleaners turned expert

personnell controllers and such

never had a holiday

wear second hand clothes

have second hand furniture

eat cheapest vegetables

don't drink

don't smoke

nothing all just to save enough to leave

 so they get the lab pakis

to take a thousand there

and a thousand there

at the Deutsche Bank

as soon as I put my money from teaching in

a whole months money

when is studied there for a year

(twin Uni of mine in London)

the lab had it disappear immediately

so I would be left penniless with rent to pay

 Then they gave a young Polish girl known to thieve

the same bank card as mine

she took out thousands

and I had no way to prove

so I had to take out what was left of my Grant

she is permanently on the scanner now

They over rid my tv programme once

to show me her visiting London

who knows if she will get cancer or not

but wants desperately to marry a german

as they all do

Now there's a turn around!

 this tv thing is a constant thing

they once showed a little boy being abused

which they had tuned

they say they take no sides

just make the crimes to see them in detail

Even the Nazis were not that mad

but criminals will be criminals even when in a lab

and they have the power from the POWER

hey wasn't it Hitler too

where chicken farmers became state leaders

every single parrallel is met by the lab

only they wear white coats instead of black

 and get this

the leaders are all in this

so every country I go to

I face the same rubbish

but britain is the worst

as they run it

and it eminates from here

and the lab here has committed

so many murders

lab pakistanis killing whites

called

''accidents in the making''

what can you do

when a country doesn't care for its own

that is why I prefer america

the british have a death wish it would seem!

 give every bank a present

give every member of those banks a present

for the thousands and thousands

the lab syphoned off

 the L.A. jew who designed this

(let's not forget Blaire and the whole nest here

are all jewish so let any crime happen

as my grandad who fed jews during the Nazis used to say

the whole island sits on jewish money)

L.A. jew said the victim must be left in poverty

with nothing, every dirty trick to be tried

though hard working and saving east europeans

 the lab killed Ukrainian uncle

the lab played all the Ukrainians in our community

who would never complain or even guess

after having Uncle change his will

to give it to...........

 remember this was an american jew who designed it:

(nothing personal, he is supposed to have said

I am just saving members of my own system

a lie, as we were absolutely no threat to anyone)

Uncle left all HIS hard earned savings

on his death bed to--

a girl in Russia!

a real russian by the way

(I wonder if you guys out there understand that

I am a different generation

I have nothing against the russians

three million Ukrainians died of starvation

in two months in the winter of '33

as Moscow took every scrap of food from them)

as the girl's aunt was our best friend

at the Elsham refugee camp

who had already thousands and were childless

till the lab put her on the scanner

 the lab says my pay off was:

the bosses of the Health Minstry and Pensions Ministry

watching us in our own home

and advising me constantly

 these so called bosses' constant advice?

 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.....

get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.

 ASLAM NOW

 There is a new rat in the lab looks in his twenties

that is why torture was particularly bad

and he used the womb irritator all morning

though I am sixty two years old

 they tell them it is a trial

that the United Nations allowed it

that Annan signed for it

that world could be used by this criminal lab for crimes

 and then they say you signed for it

all secret, secret, top secret

and we are told a file of lies by jewish doctors so called

that you were supposed to make up

 the money and life we stole from you

well yes, sighed Mister english man

there is always someone vulnerable about

for use by this mob which ran Hitler's concentration Camps

 as the scarved women swarmed into the shop

well fed and happy at so much hand outs

all in their new clothes

as I return from the second hand market

 with some old clothes

which the Pakistani Carer stole

from my ninety one year old mother

we came back then to rebuild their island

 and as I sat and watched the hoards

no, I don't care, the english are asking for it

kicking and using them to rob us

who helped them and using lies

 one favourite 'it was long ago'

since eighty four lab Anna uses that one lie

and today all russian post withheld for a long time

who has robbed her post she asked

 because the Jewess lauren robbed the post

you have all got to rob her post

all rob her bank account

all rob her work and torture her and her family

 One city in England they admit

already has a larger coloured population than white

but the english lab keeps kicking us

because we are helpless to help ourselves

 a new rat in the lab

given all my bank account numbers

will rob more and take more

a thousand each they are told take

 so she can never move out of the country

having sold their family home to leave

as they hand over and hand over

allowance this and benefit that and money for that

 to the never ending stream of women in scarves!

I wonder when the lab will hit the refineries

The mother of all spins will shake the world to its very foundations

the earth will shudder in fear but it might be good or not good

 said the Americans and the black americans

are all coming here too that's how good it is over there

we'll stay here while its good  I heard our coloured over takers

Now new rat at St Barths Human Research, you have

 your targets of torture and robbery

and you actually thought

Auschwitz and Belsen

Theresienstadt and the rest had gone did you?#

 'and here some new unread stuff you can use'

put this in this is from Jesopps hospital, a lie

but we have had that knocked down already

(they move or knock down all they use)

 says lab Anna from the computer

Anna who is described as the most evil woman

who ever lived far above those of the KZ lagers

victim made notes all over the place at Uni

 and Uni writers groups and other places

I will have them robbed from her home later

its Oxford and Cambridge men

and Tyne Tees Prof joining in the gang bang.

EARLY SENILITY

 we'll tell the americans

after we have finished all the cons

after we have done all the scams

after there's nothing left to follow

what we have used

of what they have given us

says the lab St Barths

 say the Americans

we are nothing like as damaging

as the Brits

 but we are as one

the US and us

we are cousins after all

and go hand in hand

(actually, thought one Yank

my forebears were germans!)

you can't tell on us

we are together in all things

 for years now

they have been lasering and pressing

the brain and skull

the nerves and veins

in the poor head of the victim

during the night

 the aim is to create

very early senility

once she forgets

no one will know

 No one will know

and we can do what we wish

and have done as we wish

using clever language

on this language teacher

and the general population at large

 what they don't know

can not hurt anyone

and least of all us

 Just keep hitting her

night after night

added Dr Meyer...

 SUE HER

 One reader out there

reading all my work no doubt

enquired curiously

why doesn't someone sue me?

 No one sues me

because it is the truth I write

and if they sued me

the truth would out

 To sue costs thousands

and months and years

of wasted time and life

over here in our democratic system

 One woman we have just heard of

had to pay twenty thousand

to sue someone when she was attacked

do you know how much twenty thousand pounds is?

 If 'they' sued me

I could speak

without having to bear the costs

how nice that would be

 so no one sues me

as long as I have a care how I write

because what I write is right

and to sue me would prove this Right!

 we should have a system

like they have in Spain

where if someone has done you

there is a collumn in newspapers for it to become known!

 IMPRINT OF CANCER

 it is an experiment

is what the lab calls

riding rough shod over the law

which they totally ignore

 so another invention

not only do they put imprints

of those who have been in the lab

(means they can peek at everything)

 they are using my imprint

on young teachers they have chosen

to tune them to perform my work

as they now scan brains onto machines

 see folk, I was voted top teacher

at a College though the oldest there

by thousands of students

and when I teach I guarantee

 The lab has been pressuring and blocking

throw a spanner in the works where ever I go

so now this young teacher has all my notes

all my lesson plans and asked for more

 because long ago, Pam Civil Servant of Pensions Ministry

who has a daughter studying Germanic and used in this 'trial'

was given all my notes lodged illegally on the lab computer

and given an A for my work, not her true value

 however does this young cheat of a teacher

realise that using the imprint of me

might make her successful in my way

means she is liable to get cancer from it

 as so many others already have and died

having had no choice..

enough for the moment they tell her

your courses (copied) are so successful

 and China has gone soft

Beijing USA College is on the London screen

and all its people and all they do and say

some due for cancer ofcourse.

 A WORLD COMPUTER

 it is an experiment

is what the lab calls

riding rough shod over the law

which they totally ignore

 so another invention

not only do they put imprints

of those who have been in the lab

(means they can peek at everything)

 they are using my imprint

on young teachers they have chosen

to tune them to perform my work

as they now scan brains onto machines

 see folk, I was voted top teacher

at a College though the oldest there

by thousands of students

and when I teach I guarantee

 The lab has been pressuring and blocking

throw a spanner in the works where ever I go

so now this young teacher has all my notes

all my lesson plans and asked for more

 because long ago, Pam Civil Servant of Pensions Ministry

who has a daughter studying Germanic and used in this 'trial'

was given all my notes lodged illegally on the lab computer

and given an A for my work, not her true value

 however does this young cheat of a teacher

realise that using the imprint of me

might make her successful in my way

means she is liable to get cancer from it

 as so many others already have and died

having had no choice..

enough for the moment they tell her

your courses (copied) are so successful

 and China has gone soft

Beijing USA College is on the London screen

and all its people and all they do and say

some due for cancer ofcourse.

 THE TORRE CANYON

that was us

and that was us

 the Dalai Lama was on the machine too

he had to give an answer to me

to the issues raised by the lab

which were supposed to be me

that was a bit rough of you lot

said the lab 'that shook that lot up a bit'

the warning initially was though

be warned

it will really shake things up

 and everyone I used and use

is gifted now

 they still havn't asked

what does this machine do

at the moment

there are only three women

in the lab taking turns at torment

 and all my bank statements

are missing yet again

so the present lady

will be a-robbing again

(thieves enter our house constantly)

try telling the police this

I had fifty five entries in one year in London

 She'll climb to the top

was on the file

so we have to destroy her

this has to benefit one of mine

then wipe it off the file

 Remove the cancer and skin stuff

very little by very little from the machine

and find some nasties about her old mother

our american Solly from Friends

who has already used her work

''I'll work all this through again''

(oh God, we lost all to save jews then)

 don't bother to hide in Russia

they are in on it too

as you well know

but you never say

as you know it wouldn't be believed

(all internal weaknesses tested)

 destroy her reputation as a teacher

--get one pupil to say

I have found a metaphor / as - like

we at the lab who listen to your lessons

are now getting quite clever

then say the Miss didn't tell me the difference

we have to find ways of destroying your reputation

 I lab Anna, intended to leave one painting untouched

of the stream of your life you have painted

I must have seen it in a film

as nothing I Anna do has to do with brains or logic!

 my mother who never joined the Nazi party

but met the top as an interpreter

never talks of it

it isn't important, they were maniacs

and now I have the same situation

it isn't important, they are maniacs!

 BEN

  Said the lab put onto the media

that Ben was seen on a bench

or something like that

it will make what we have done

seem like fiction then

 the bench comes from maximising

one of my long ago friends

was one day seen on a bench

by my children coming home

from their catholic school

St Bede's in Scunny town

 this woman later dumped her kids

and her old man

and set up with a toy boy

as did several of my friends

it seems to be a thing

the British do I have found

 ''Cull this work to Wales''

-we'll develop her

sleep experiments on the tv

on me they used the remote

which leaves you with a sick feeling

but you can barely drag yourself up

they used this when I was in China too

oh and start a running sore

 The running sore comes from a colleague

in america who had a sore on his willy

probably another one lab Anna comforted

they put it all on the file

then they have to use each fact

in every possible way

to maximise everything

 and the 'I took a hundred here and there'

was the Tory M.P. Archie

who had also been an ex lover

I wonder if they have ever worked out their order

and the account he took it from

was mine, a private citizen!

a lone woman and a lone kids

and octogenarian refugee

scared out of her life

who wouldn't say against england

to save her life

 We find the worst opinion ever

spoken against each of you

real spite no matter who

use that as the general opinion

and try to bring everyone's opinion

down to that one

Lab Anna used you

because you people never complain

nor do you gossip

so no one would really ever find out

the hints you put into your writing

no one but us understands

 brave people these english

arn't they!

 THE PRINCE

 you thought social experiments were illegal

so did I

 The lab feels the Prince should do a whistle stop tour

covering what we have done

 usually we do what we did to you

to women in mental homes though remote

you had to cope with everything on your own

new city, new situations, University, kids alone, penniless

 we give our thieves heaven for using you

you get the hell says the tv

 we put someone on the interpals or something

and say that is your payment for us using your body and work

torture last night was pretty bad

we connect you rarely lasts long and we destroy all family ties

 we said Sarah was at fault for your situation, who was Sarah

the jewish Minister who enjoyed lab Anna's rear at the Ministry

we had gone too far so we had to destroy you

now we extreme, the government permits silent torture and murder

 the lab changed your Uni marks so the work had to disappear

the lab gave your creative work away so it had to disappear

 all your mother's clothes, all the thefts from your house

the treasured russian boxes, the sketch books, the writing books

from BE'd, from Sheffield University writers group

from the Spanish Schools is all in your neighbour hood

 we get them to sort out our problem then spread lies about you

and the last two days we have been razing your eye nerves

 torture was pretty bad last night

worse than the night before, even America has fallen

 said the notary persons:

if the Lords (old Sarah's the back side player of lab Anna)

permitted it, we can't do anything about it

Only the Russians refuse to come into the lab,

how can we get them in and onto our screen

 said lab Anna: I can't let her have her work back

not with people like Friedlander in it who used it all from me..

and Maureen 'Lipman' and all the other jews I gave it to

the people will cheer if the Prince shows himself!

 PUBLICANS

 we have this machine

this machine can do anything

anything is possible now

no one stops us doing anything

anything which takes our fancy

all will be cleared in the next century

 bit like this will be the war

to end all wars

 we make a file to use of issues

and put it on her name to hex

so we could play around with sex

the lab Pakistanis ask

it says she drinks

does she drink

what does she drink

does she drink beer

 doesn't drink or smoke

today's quotes repeated

so lab Pakistani tried to press her chest with laser

I'll make her chest as bad as one who smokes

but doesn't drink at all

 lets have a go at some pubs

kill a few publicans

 we have a machine which can do anything

the biggest secret in the world

the hoy polloy have not yet discovered

too busy to check or find out

it can do anything

keep talking about bombs and things

every machine in her house has been broken

precisely with the laser from the machine

 they won't know what hit them

they'll be dead before they know what hit them........

 the machine in a London lab.

 THROUGH THE WINDOW

  lying in bed this morning

passers by speaking

this is another old one they use constantly

it is a relief when I go abroad to silent windows

the stinks and problems there are as nothing in comparison

 Meyer's voice said

stupid cow (me) she signed she'll give us everything

(actually I signed a nurses form at West Ham Community Health

in May 1991 yelled at by Nurse Hughes

stomped out for half an hour

but I had a mortgage

with no copy and not able to read it)

 Now Peter next door to her in Plashet Road

has all her work too

he also has our cancer

one of those on our machine

 weeps a lab paki voice

I didn't understand the pain limit

(normal torture continues daily but at a lower level

since my return from the States holiday)

that is why I put it onto full intensity for months and months

 that is one of her passages

I recognise it

so the States are using her work too

america is also under the british hammer

(Friends and one or two others have been using it for a long while

I recognise it, but it is lightweight general stuff

not monologues of total writing as the lab did)

 they've taken excessing and free hand outs to its ultimate limit

english fashion

contempt for life

corrupt to the core

world wide for their own popularity

outlawed in the States obsolete programmes

 why is all this happening

lab Anna beamed incursions into private citizens lives

for many decades now

''interesting bits'' from bedrooms

watching husbands and wives

lovers and engaged couples

to her lovers in the Big Apple sister lab

that is how they spend their days

illegally watching private citizens

and messing with them

the beaming looped all over the place

and a torso appeared

so then they made some sex films sticking on heads

and put them through all strong receivers world wide

 lab anna says she has a hobby horse

the sizes of members

lab students were found to be copying my work

from the lab computer as their thesis

and lab members copying all work to print as their own

including the bossess Anna

who sat on my dad who was a well known writer

so she could impress the Health Ministry

so they had to either destroy my ability to work

or my work

and decided to give it to everyone world wide

from the machine on which we are prisoners

use us as lab rats to train her evil staff on

(why do researchers

have to know how to syphon bank accounts?)

 and they now proudly declare

we are the SS or the KGB of Britain..

but no one can catch us

with our american friends taxes and help!

 SCUM TURNED

 she is running again

east, west anywhere away from blighty

this is coming through the wall

they all use that one

in Plashet road they used Esther Rantzen's voice

threatening me through the wall

 they said you were scum

now they will say you said someone is scum

though you make it a point never to talk of people

and nothing is made good which we do

they keep on repeating making it worse and worse

the kids (who are adult men) don't care

they get a good pay

they never question anything at all

 there wasn't a response there or anywhere nearly

put one in, imagine one, make it horrific

and don't imagine Anna of the lab cares about lying

it is her way of life

 Lauren who falsified the papers said the other morning

I am really worried about going on the stand

now you are contemplating sueing

Anna just says : say that and say that

to her lying is a way of life

but we are still playing with you and your family for life

 now to separate Shaun from the family

the family has to be divided it says on the file

(Hitler and Stalin did this one too)

we used the old lady all her life to make her sick

but we used old Semen when he was sick making him worse

 we want her out of Paki Homes (teaching) says the lab paki

she might talk to them, they believe her

-say that she doesn't respond well with our children

- they have used some of them to rob our house

their own children, turned them into thieves!-

 now we the lab are insured to the hilt

time for some insurance companies to collapse

('I can Northern Rock any company' said Anna)

every insult real or imagined has to be paid back

 the BBC has apologised for its part (really?)

and we will tell the President of Pakistan our truths

we have more tricks we want to try out

 I sell more now the lab sells me of her work

than I could ever have dreamed of

All the lab stooges have made heaps of money

royalties for your work to her copiers pours into them

and they have so much they are buying second homes

-if only you had had a bit of loose sex for Anna

you too could have been made rich by her-

 excess, simplify -

your work is hidden in the filth Anna wrote

they call that mix and match,

but I will find it

I will find it

the truth will never be found in this monster trial of evil...

 I am a fool

I admit that

but you know

our family has always been truthful and honest

and many times

in many situations across Europe

others have sold their souls

and disappeared

but we are still here

Maybe it is true what the lab says

maybe there is no God

or any such test of honesty

but we have to believe in something

and as former Mongols

we know that to trust our neighbours

is the greatest strength

greater than all gifts

spend your dirty, stolen gold

and dirty yourselves...

 QUOTES ON QUOTES

I eat it says the file

I being lab Anna of St Barths

(try some caviar dear!)

 well poets

in the sixties when I grew up

we did leap frogs on wooden horses in gyms

not on young men as they do now on tv

and as for eating sperm or throating

which these London ladessess do do

and I had never heard of till recently

the stuff these Ministers and Civil Servants get up to

in their Ministry offices and well, ministries!

 Old Sunny Scunny and our tough steelworkers

were really not quite up to that

My lebanese school mate

with her 'counting off' all the business men's sons

jewish most of them,

was about our limit

and I had a job supporting her as a friend

 so the lab have been told follow instructions

I am NOT to be allowed any happiness

because that will loosen me up

(put losen, it sounds better said lab Anna)

because the lab had a plan and she would not follow

adding to the present copying artist

adjust it

simplify it

then you can say it is your work not hers

don't worry I will have the originals robbed and destroyed

 and in China they called her the wonderful old teacher

well the lab Pakis informed me

we can't have that

we are going to put over horrid things

destroy your reputation

(they do incidentally

that is why I don't believe what they say about the Princess

she was on the same programme at the lab so I know)

''they'll all remember nasty things

we will make them up

we call it spinning..

and increase the drawing skills

of all we used and even those we gave cancer to

the young Prince will be amazed when he finds what he can do!''

given him remote for what we did to them'' I quote.

 it is all backed up and blocked

your life is forfeit to the lab

(I don't want to be forfeit to anyone

we didn't survive all the way West for this)

they will never catch the lab now

the wrong is the mother of all wrong doers

 so science is destroying the last human trait

its art and communication

along with love, decency and loyalty

 we will restore it later....they added

like the milk Thatcher took, I wonder?

and I took a hundred there from your account

and a hundred there says the lab

even Archie, conservative, ex lover and help

of anna lab bossess, will paint

and everyone knows lawyers cost thousands just for a letter

so the lab have got her again as they are now poor

 for robbing her old mother by the Ministry of Pensions

of the total life savings of their old dad

whom the lab manslaughtered

(they don't have murder here)

taxing her small life savings as a millionaire

please

give the british nation a rebate of some sort

(like when they lost my post

the lose all the pensioners books in the post

it is called spinning!)

 so, how strong was the womb tingle

Anna of the lab put onto the Princess

and was the machine ever switched off

did Anna direct the lovemaking

as Steve did that of the Prince

and said over my radio

''I taught the prince to play''

and I quote...

 SOCRATES

 by what show of arguement

the accusers of  of us

would persuade all and sundry

that we and particularly I

have forfeited our lives and life

to the lab St Barths Behavrioural Science

(not withstanding Lauren

falsifier of forms

 for though the crimes laid unto our charge

were great indeed

that she did not acknowledge the gods of england

that she introduced new ones

and farther

that she debauched teh youth

yet none of these

in the least

could be proven against the Miss

 For, as to the first

she taught the english well and with enthusiasm

to all who listened toher

bringing a love for the land of england to all

which had been hers long since

before the betrayal by the Queen and Country

 and instead of paying no homage to his country

he was frequently seen to assist sacrifice to them

both in his own family and in the temples of education

perpetually worshipping them to all the public in a solemn manner

 because they said he received genius from her forebears

intelligence so he must be accused of introducing the truth

 she frequently told all her students

that they could do or not do,

according to the instructions

what they believed in

but those who followed her advice

always found advantage in it

how could she avoid this censure

she is either a liar or a visionary

if the events had not justified the truth

of the things he pretended were revealed to her

she would not have spoken of them

if she did not believe them to be the truth

 though she advised friends what to do

if in cases which were doubtful

she would always send them to the Ten Commandments

though she believed that everyman should make a choice

of the conditions in life by which he or she lived

there are greater truths to be found

 what is even more surprising

the claim of debauchery of the youth

a most sober and chaste person

but not inclined to make a mountain out of a molehill

who could not easily be startled

 using always good texts

then how could she teach impiety

injustice, gluttony, impurity and luxury

 hey man, I laugh a little at us the human race

'cause on the whole

we take ourselves too seriously

and some think they are God incarnate

not a man here for a short time

and get so befuddled they need laughing at

 but that being that

she always tried to reclaim persons

and inspire them with love of virtue

putting in them hopes

 yet she never promised any man to teach them

they must learn to be taught

ok so she never neglected herself

and makes sure she is comfortable

but you know

a sick person is incapable of doing anything

and to work well

she herself needs to be comfortable enough

keep your own house in order

and everyone keep their house in order

and you have order...what!

 the accusers say that she taught to despise

she affirmed it to be a folly by elect

ok only God is perfect

mankind is flawed in every way

and we still aspire.....

 I teach the young to think

I teach the young not just to accept but to check

I teach them to read enough to have a background for protest

I teach them if they don't want to protest that is ok too.......

I teach and I teach well so go to hell..........

 TEACHING

  We tell them you have given your life to us

and being a DP and refugee

and fatherless

you had so many advantages

well I have never been one to complain

but try to look at the positive

 we have given all your lesson plans

to an english teacher of our choice

we do not like this damned foreigner

being voted top teacher in colleges

being liked and respected for her teaching abilities

this has to stop it has to be OUR success

 on top of that

we change your CV

and change letters of recommendation now

so that they see a different picture to the true one

and get former pupils to say nasty things

it isn't enough to spread nasty gossip in your area

you move all over the place

and your calm quiet firm manner is too much liked for our taste

 I the lab Bossess rule the world

I will say what goes

well, I did say I suppose I had a bit of a God complex

and we british have always ripped off the stripes from uniforms

 now hear what I, little poetess lady have to say

considering what they do to me

and how they continue

now consider this

the Princess was also a victim

--the lab calls me

a sacrifice for them--

I don't feel much like a sacrifice

but I don't know how a sacrifice should feel

I know I once respected the british

am so like them it is unbelievable

yet know I scorn them

as lower than the snakes of the desert

and I don't mean that damned snake god of India either

consider what they do to me

and draw your own conclusions about the dear Princess..

 they are liars, liars, liars..........to the core

liars

the Princess was in the lab

the Princess was on that machine

the Princess had a programme written by lab bossess Anna

that is all I am saying

and trying to give me cancer

with all the money the States and Brussels has given you

will no longer shut me up

 MURDERERS...LEGAL MURDERERS

with your damned legal government of cowards

there are not enough white feathers in the world for you lot...

 Did you all know that Hitler got in legally too!

 microsound: now get another comic in

to copy all her work yet again on our crummy media....

 ARBROATH AGAIN

 Your tax money

millions of it

Brussels and the States

has paid for the mother of all illegal

let us call it experiments..

experiment in England

is another word for undetectable crimes

by the lousiest load of criminals

since Auschwitz

which was also run by this self same system

 declared the lab

(I often tell you what they put out)

there will be no melt down

it has already happened

this has been it

planes crashed

trains bashed and all the rest

most of what happened was us

the killings and destruction

of this last decade

trying out all the stuff negatively

by british criminals covering their backs

permitted by a corrupt government

-let's get on with it then-

which the clever americans have found and outlawed

brought from the clever germans before them

turned nasty and spiteful and criminal by the Brits

 so on Bus eighty eight yesterday

gong to grannies who is ninety one

after teaching the Somalian girls english

(I don't mind them

they get favours but are real refugees

unlike the pakis

though we got no favours-

they brought as work donkeys

and now continue to use as lab rats)

this is a daily occurance every where I go by the way

-in their twisted terminology

it is called 'surrounding' someone...

and means using them day and night

and all those around them

grandly they proclaim

it will be this only once

batter the shit out of everyone - now

 what do they mean, once only

the lab have been using it for at least two decades now

and messed with dozens and dozens of individuals

in their private lives according to their own amusement

and all the lab have deaths on their slates

 an older woman with a white bun in a black indian coat

got on the bus, she smelled of sweat

and her coat was covered in dandruff

(I have never had dandruff

though Felix of Berlin, invited to the lab

took out fifty percent of my fine brown hair remote

which they use as punishment for retarded people)

she did  not look as though she had ever worked

' writer'said microsound, 'who pinched your work'

these look alike set ups are what these idiots do all day

with your taxes and mine...

 then a red haired chump, dyed of course

I think they called her Megan

a girl who had my mother' wheelchair taken from her

so we had to fight to get it back-

sneered at me though she was a quarter of my age

microsound..I saw that-

lifted her coat

they keep a camera from a satelite on me

day and night and all I do since 1983

once day they got an Ethiopian lodger of mine at Upton Park

to push me against a fire place

and pull my skirt up behind

 spite because my mother had said many years ago

the raping red army should have stuck their what's it

into a sauerkraut keg or a fireplace

and given us women a bit of peace

(her neighbour of seventy died of gang rape

by a whole plattoon of soldiers, to pinch a mirror

and some gold painted door handles in Bratislava

she bled to death, though we blocked her with cotton wool

and when they walked the streets

girls laid there being raped

as Kalashnikovs pointed at passers by

I need to explain this

why we are so bitter)

 well dear girl, what happened was

these north africans are on the whole civilised

surprised at first I quickly whipped round

pulled down my skirt (I wear them long)

and said to the young man of thirty three sex foot tall

(this is supposed to be the boy

they put on the file I had sex with boys!)

I don't care for these male approaches

and they tell me a lot of gay men are involved

who see sex very differently to me

and are into black and white sex-

an elderly lady who was raped t nine years old

Now young man if you want to rape me

kindly do so in my bed

as this would be most painful for me

having a ripped womb flap causing pain at times

and endless stitches up to my behind

from my very large five babies..

 he shrugged and gave up

we sat down and had a cup of tea

and discussed his thesis.

Now Arbroath is putting cancer scabs

all over my back again

because the Pakistanis have a lot of skin diseases

 Now I lived in Pakistan teaching there

to escape the British Civil Servants

many of the nomads there

who camp at the markets

never see water except for stand pipes

the government puts up for them by street sides

and the villages like that near Islamabad where I visited

the poorest have bad skins

because they live in dirt and filth

 as I said

all a lot of these countries need

is a good clean up

they have wonderful climate

rivers and mountains

the Brits did their sneaky muslim allies proud

but forgot what lazy devils they can be

 by the way,

entering Islamabad village

fields filled with women working their fingers to the bone

lying under the water spout sunning in the sun

lazing I saw so often time and again

a young male

the usual picture over there....

so the lab pakis give ME skin blemishes and poxes

though doctor Meyer

who always watched me in the shower daily

(I was very slim when a little younger)

put on microsound

don't shower so often my dear

your skin will dry

and coming out of the bath

the television would say

'not bad'

 we will fine her (me)

is spoken daily-

fine means punishment

I think for the file written

by the jewish doctors and the lab bossess

robbery, torture or destruction of some sort..

for you dear Anna of the fifty men

Brits can be such big pigs... real pigs.

 and a few new cancer victims they have caused

 AL FAYED TOO

 and Al Fayed too

was on the machine

at London St Barths

 whether he knew or not

no one will ever know

but they let me know

 he snores now at night

though he has had his fancies

as they checked his life through

 I sent him my poetry books

I like Egyptians

probably because my father

 Semen Telewny the writer

had written FOR Nasser

how dare they take the canal

 and my dad had great influence

on the way I thought and lived

and I liked this man too

 so sent him poetry books

one two three

would he see the clues

 I wondered, but no

why should he

if the books ever got there

 I painted Dianas fate

three months before

and wept bitterly all night

 and in my odd dreams

Dodo became the owl

dreams are not willed

 I am with that man

in spirit though neither he

nor I will ever win!

 he has tried anything

bent every way

but cannot find the truth

 But Mr AlFayed

since when where the Brits

ever since time began, truthful?

 shouldn't you know better.

 WOMAN INFERIOR

 at school

at college

my reports all prove

her top marks

do not tell how good

she paints even better than top

 we were refugees

we were poor

I was not really theirs

I was a good daughter

I always did as I was told

or my mother was going to send me back

back to where

 I am a displaced person from the age of one

you should work in a factory

you think you are a princess or something

I managed to get to a newspaper

I was a good wife

I was a good mother

then at last I signed for art school

encouraged by a young male teacher

I myself will ring and make the appointment

your talent should be used

(I used to sit in the corner

at the women's group painting, not chatting)

 I went to the nearby town of Grimsby

the Head looked at two paintings

done on the kitchen table using the kids' paints

you have your place

at the council grants office she said

you should stay at home with your children

have you nothing better to do at your age

than go running to nearby towns to art college

 It was difficult

jealousy from every side

I must be a good mother and wife

so to the hospital Path lab as receptionist

and everyone approved of me

but one day an assertive women's class taught me

as a woman I also have a right to life

but all I want to do is paint

 NO, NO, NO

I don't want to be a receptionist

I had followed everyone's wishes all my life

I had been that good person the nuns had taught me

and slowly I manipulated the situation

and was again at Art College

but this time with a sting in the tail

 the lab St Barths were watching

as they watched endless people on this Isle

and manipulate their lives to their own amusement

but I come from a communist past, much the same

so the axe man manipulated my old man

I do not want to be married to a woman better educated

ok and Meyer used the womb torture remote

so that in Life drawing classes I was bent double in pain

 they totally took over our lives

they reasoned, we separated them, just as the Royals later

so she must have many ahem affairs then marry again

unfortunately the last thing on my mind was ahem affairs

so they gave out the marks

fail, you did not do as we wished

my lecturer shot himself a week later, called manslaughter

they push them too far sometimes and that happens

what, paint, I know nothing about art the good doctor said

 no. assertive women would not give in

off to another course I went

here the lab doubled up the intervention into classroom

and private life I dare not mention

till it was too much

and to London I fled when my sons were old enough

hoping I had left my sons to safety

 I dare not tell you what they did at the UEL

it is called debasement, another obsolete programme

- these doctors and bossess have all had at least fifty lovers

they say this with pride along with their spouses-

using microsound all you hear is filth not lectures

and Anna wrote a file so filthy it is called heavy porn

 but I knew all this Uni study from my past

and as a german mother tongue speaker

the lab said they couldn't fail me

though they played with the lecturer and lectures

the lab put my mark at borderline

because Wayne one of theirs

had had that happen to him-

having taken off twenty percent

but from now on 'Fail all' however good said the lab

no complaints will be listened to

victim had enough education as far as we are concerned!

 they were permitted to torture, rob and torment

they said by some clerk at the United Nations

and we were only refugees who the hell cares

They said we were a danger to the Royals

because how the lab worked it out was

If they told me all they did

then I would know too much

and be a danger to them all

at first I was totally silent, said nor wrote not a word

 I thought of fleeing to Iran

(I had good friends Iranians

and my mother had since my childhood

taught me of Iranians, though not this lot

and Borneo and of Mountains and much more)

but I could not stand much more

You would not believe what they were doing to me

but their Embassy honestly wrote to me

saying: 'respectfully we ask you

are you sure you know what you are doing'

I have the letter still

(and later my son spoke on Iranian tv and radio

about the madness of wars in the middle East

unbeknown to me!)

which made me think again about my family

so I fled to Canada

but they began physical torture remote over there

and so it went on

 I taught at East Ham College

painted at their classes in my spare time

so the Civil Service closed those classes for the lab

though they were packed beyond the doors

I held exhibitions at our local Unis

so they made rules about framing and such

which they knew I could not afford

each door was closed

no matter how many I tried to open

 and now the final attacks

they steal the actual work

written and painted

nothing of her college days must remain

or she has proof that we failed her-

not the work she did-

they give it to their thieves and cheats to sell

saying to all and sundry :they sell

she doesn't as we block her from selling

yes, the lab guarantees their sales

anyone who uses me work

 and today's quote?

'your natural talent would have shone through!'

everything you did normally,

was more or less a 'first'

so, asked someone on high, you are still riding her?

Yes, the lab Pakistanis have her to play with

give cancers and poxes too or rare diseases,

destroy her skin or life,

(semi-literate goons on massive wages

each got a pay out of one thousand taken from my accounts)

 trying one more last for an art M.A.

the lab sits there

all our lab members

have used all her work

her drawings, sketches and writings

sent off to the magazines in our names

written books of her work copied and adapted slightly...

most of it about her life and studies

even the ancient Hebrew Verse I painted

studied for the Rabbi Rothchild-

no she cannot

her tale she might tell

and all will know what really happened to Colin

and even to Barry, also their manslaughter

as this little known technology kept secret

becomes more widely known

 there is to be no physical evidence

everything we do we cover

and a lone woman is so easy to use and abuse

such is the tale of one woman who wanted to paint

Know the joke

I studied feminism, british and german,  at Uni!

 the pay off,

all whom we used to cheat her

now on the machine

the ones who didn't get the cancer from it

will suddenly find they can draw

(think about it guys

it is quite easy to work out

I am an artist and even I know how)

and the little Princes too

will be given the physical or mental gift on line

for all the bad we have done to them.

and now the english girl at the lab warns

more robberies are due for you and your mum

(she's ninety one)

though you have nothing left

it is done to confuse you

so more books of sketches and uni work stolen

you are supposed to forget

as the crimes are constantly repeated

(I think they call it the spin)

you know

Hitler built autobahns and did good works

as he destroyed all of Europe!

 WORKING LECTURERS OF OXFORD

 Remote prison for life for them

every thing destroyed

for our sins at the lab

we turn it all around

onto her as we rise higher and higher

 I want her work to be worthless

The Cambridge man has taken

all working lecturers

selling their souls for lab fame

destroying art and literature for ever

as was the Tyne Tees Uni man

as was Christopher of four books of copied poetry

from the lowest Pakistani

to the highest realm

all must use her work

 to cover what we the lab

have done to them

the british do NOT have scandals

we cover and kill them

and crunch them into the ground

Just tell everyone they volunteered

Lauren, liberal jewess signed their life away

They learnt a lot from the Nazis did these jews

or was it vice versa afterall?

 Now Oxford man

I want you to write it like this--

for that I will raise you above your peers

and you will remain on the machine

and I will guide and watch your life..

I want everyone in the lab

so everyone is at fault

the biggest greatest gang bang ever

against this one tiny woman and her little family

 the machine

the secret machine

at St Barths

of which the whole government is part

outlawed in the States

all already tried over there...

 but he whom we call Backhouse

from over the pond the States

is coming to help us out

to show us how to survive her tongue

 Backhouse good poets

how did that come about?

whilst studying at the UEL

I rang the german school in Islington

could I please work voluntarily there on Saturday

the Head, called Backhouse barked at me

''what do you want''

 so I have to tell you

all my phone calls are listened to

and interferred with

so I rarely use the phone

as you cannot see who is at the other end

Backhouse it seems

is also some boss over there

who sent St Barths the millions

for them to try out stuff on us

 they say they get massive wages

incase they are ever caught

and in the States the penalties are severe

here they just use us former D.P's

clever, hard working, talented

give us to their Pakis to use us for games

so the Pakis can get even richer

on our hard earned gains

 and there was Gus and Hank

and Kit and others over there

who at first had no idea

what this lot over here are like

and the bossess ofcourse entertained them

in her own particular fashion

anyway so Cambridge man has copied

so now Oxford man is also to copy

what cowards the British are!

 REALITY GAMES

 we decided to use this family

for reality experiments

they are so vulnerable

so many of theirs are dead

and my how we made their old suffer

who will believe her anyway?

 We raise everyone who uses her work

then to protect them

we rob her house constantly

she might as well leave the door open

and now we have another artist in to copy

 all of England is now just copied work

how is it done the New York jew Ziegler told us

you take the main words of each sentence

and add them to your own ideas

you take the main ideas of paintings

and add them to Anna's ideas

 we destroy all her friendships repeatedly

it is a psychiatrists dream

and our american teams showed us how

we have outdone them in every way

they would all be in prison

if they did what we do without a word raised

 does she stay in her jobs they ask

no because the lab always creates massive problems

to create conflicts no matter where she goes

once we gave her mother four seizures

to get her back home

when we went through the whole heart thing

 we have pressed her heart to its limit too

we cannot be found out

or it is prison for all of us

you would not believe the pain and suffering

that family has been put through

and others killed with the Royal Prerogative

 Doctor Meyer who used a lot of her work in his book

explains : I wanted her to know hardships

We didn't check anything

I destroyed all advances and blocked all she does

we were asked to tell them what we were doing

 we tell them after the event

over the tv over music and you name it

people walking past in the streets

the Soviet is nothing to this

but when she visited the Soviet and Russia

we used the sound over there too

 when she thinks of leaving for somewhere

we sweetly ask the system in that country

please will they take this patient of ours#

who has never been a patient

and this is her file, the bogus one we made up

and the dirty film we made with a second rate porn model

 there is no escape

the latest has been to spread gossip round her area

so that all who were her friends

now see them as someone terrible

she does now know what is said

so she cannot fight it

 as long as the lab escapes

with her money, her work and their lives

who the hell cares

about some useful people to society

who have talent

 we raise any of her friends

higher than she is

get them the best jobs

for which they go on our machine

and we use them all

controlling even their sex lives

as the final kick

 so she doesn't make friends anymore

and in the event

not one friend we have found for her

has been to her liking

not even one

and when we rob from her bank accounts

we try to make the bank clerk

into her friend as we roll the money

for our lab staff and they can never find it

 this follows from when we took away her jobs

we tried to turn the bosses into her lovers

we wanted her turned into a prostitute

first the high class

then the rubbish

then the filth

the Jew at L.A. who wrote this programm

told us that is how it is to be

(or that is what we say)

for poetessess to princessess

 so you came to Britain did you

and helped to rebuild our country

so you did working as our labourers

and saved jews under the Nazis'noses

and tried to keep safe Czechs and other Slavs

well,we at the lab tell you this

 ONLY EVIL TRIUMPHS

IMMORALITY

LIES AND CHEATING

 Good people always go under!

 ILLEGAL

  what do I want,

an american friend has asked...

 I want to belong to a country

which sees me as its own,

and allows me to use its law and work for it

which will defend me from others,

not use me for illegal deadly experiments

which allows me to use my intellect

and gifts for myself and for it..

not take them for its government's workers

and all their friends and lovers

I want a country which sees me

as an integral part of itself

not a thing they fetched to work

once long ago when they needed rebuilding

from somewhere East now no longer useful

so can be used for anything which is illegal

Back then you begged us to buy your goods

and licked out boots

 my fellow poets

why am I telling you this

 because it looks like after the long journeys

dragged out of our homes and I mean literally

yet we had dared to stand by our jews and others before

mother battered and beaten though nine months pregnant

for all the people she had saved

oddly only a mongolian Red Army sentry tried to help her

dragged West in cattle trucks

(West not East only because

President Klements was a friend of ours)

malnutrition time and again

the years in two children's homes

in different transit and refugee camps

different languages different cultures constantly

all the things which made up our life

 and then at the end

to have finally got to College and that too the lab destroyed

 I need to go on now not what for their freedom

nothing is worth waiting for here in this hell they want for us

though I have a Scotland Yard certificate of honesty

every three years as I teach

and our community was said to be the most decent

by their Home Office.

I really do not want to be illegal

after my life you can believe that

but now I have no choice

it is enough

there are no more corners to hide in

they keep telling us return whence you came

though over sixty and it was half a century ago

I cannot, just cannot, believe me I tried

I think there is only one country for us

and it is not corrupt old Brittania

yet they tell us that those who have countries

which just need a broom to sort them out

get stay when we do not..

because the Brits poached us back then

 again we have to take fear into our hands

and turn to the only place for mercy we know of

 but then every Asian who sites anything gets stay

and they have huge families who can sponsor

we have no families only our skills..

better life style is now a refugee matter

not something to work hard at to overcome at home

countries which do not organise themselves

peoples who leave dirt anywhere

and please do not deny it

I was a teacher in those countries too

trying to escape old Brittania's spite

as one Embassy top notch told me

if we had ten germans working in Pakistan

the country would be a top league place-

so those with no where to run can't run

can't run anywhere or anyhow

and those who have a country get to run

though it would be better if they organised

their own country first.

 telling us that we are the lost people

does not do much as another freedom disappears.

 and Immigration is adamant.

    OUR NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE

 said the Pakistani Lab worker last night

who raped a minor back home

I took a thousand from your bank account

money you had earned giving lessons

to Pakistani children to help them catch up

for half price and helping their mothers to cope

 I have used your poetry

and had your stories stolen

and the work you did at colleges stolen by neighbours

and deselected your letters on our computer

 no one will catch me here

the lab has seen to that

and by the way

anyone can get work in your health service

corrupt bosses create corrupt workers

so says the former toilet cleaner

now in charge of Personnell

 this is the new  britain

the Britain our Blaire created!

 JEREMY PAXMAN

 It is just an idea you understand

we will get Jeremy Paxman into the lab

and he will notice odd things you understand

 we will engineer what he notices you understand

and then he will broadcast it on the tv

then the lab will be closed you understand

 and then the lab will ofcourse reopen you understand

we have already moved all our criminals to other jobs

and the lab can then begin from fresh you understand

 and understand this

sue them for the half century of torture and theft to you

but don't site Civil Servants in it

or we will get you

you understand!

 TEARS AND JEERS

 We at Behavioural Science have had the ability

of creating severe nervous reactions

for a long long time now

 we use this ability

where ever or on whom ever we want to

in poetessess and princessess

 then we do as we wish which we call basicing

from that point on

no one can find us out

 we merely call it

our 'little known technology'

people are to busy to listen to the whistle blowers

 the law needs updating ..

 BEHAVRIOUAL SCIENCE

 they sorted them out over the pond

now they mess over here

 wasn't it enough what they did

in the experimentation camps

of Hitler's Germany and in the Gulags

from whence we came

 we mess over and above the call of duty

one of theirs put over

 look, a thousand pound slipped there

said the lab Pakistani who put it into his account

money from a retired teacher who worked constantly

page misssing, now lots of pages are missing

 the system which uses the barely intelligent

to destroy all in all ladders of society whilst furthering its friends

 for robbing them of their bodies, work and money

we say we get them 'contacts' and lovers to rape them

not one of our contacts has remained a friend or been a friend

they are merely people we want to watch on our machine..

 the machine which rules the world

yet has not yet been revealed to anyone except the top

 so now they've asked their system over the pond

to change the facts of when London set off the security alarms

there at Santa  Monica from their illegal, secret beaming

and I am an America friend, what is the point of the alarms then?

 CORRUPTION FROM TOP TO BOTTOM

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 TAINTED FAY AND HER CHEATING FAMILY

 POEM WIPED OUT THREE TIMES

ON WORLD OF POETS AND ON MY FOLDER

 SO OFFER EXPLANATION:

 TAINTED FAY AND HER CHEAT FAMILY

POEM WIPED OFF THREE TIMES

FROM WORLD OF POETS AND ALSO MY FOLDER

REDBRIDGE FAMILY

FATHER SADISTIC AXE MAN AT LAB

MOTHER LAUREN

FALSIFIES DOCUMENTS FOR LAB

WROTE MY STORIES AS JEWISH STORIES

TO PEOPLE’S FRIEND

FAY – ELDEST DAUGHTER

SAID TO HAVE FLAIRE AT COLLEGE BUT NOT TALENT

SO FATHER TOOK ALL MY WORK

POETRY AND PAINTINGS FOR HER TO COPY

 SHE SELLS MY WORK NOW

 WHEN THEY WIPE OUT A POEM THEY PASTE IN ANOTHER ONE

SO IT APPEARS TWICE

THEY HAVE DONE THIS SEVERAL TIMES

IT IS THE LABS HIGH IQ WHICH MAKES THEM SUCH SWINE..

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 DHYE

 a wet nurse

so Hobson-Jobson tells us

sadly we all knew and watched

needed to provide beautiful children

 and of earlier

english regulations applied

a woman employed

to check the native women

 who could not appear in Court

to give evidence

and so she did

we saw it all as she lifted babies

 told us all of evidence

which could not appear in Court

if the bearer hath not strength

what can the Di do

 this mother for all

provided for for life

who got in the way

this children's nurse

 and the circle burns and turns

covering its tracks

destroying all reality

as the tears wash away the ash.

 AMERICA NOW

 I desperately need some new ideas

said the american

and the lab finds them all

 this is all we have on the computer

said Anna of the lab St Barths Human Research

and you can use them all

 we'll flood the market with her stuff

thank you Anna of the lab St Barths Human Research

and we can use them all

 now start tacking on to her work

use it as it stands

and use all of it

 different patterns of thought to ours

each country that comes into this trial gets all her work

and they can use it all

 they send some of their people of our system

to come to the lab and torture her and her family remote

and they can use them all

 yes, she cries but what can she do

and yes, it is inhumane but she can't stop it

so we use all her work and them all

 her husband used to say

nine tenths of the law is having it

and then you can use it all

 yes, she was always able, we made a mistake

no she was never mucky, that was Anna of the lab

we cover ourselves by giving them to the world.

 even the Belsen musician could play their own

even in Theresienstadt artists were asked to copy

but could retain their own work but this is Britain

 so that is the offshoot for visiting a friend in Arkansas

  THE DIRTY LAB HAS PUT THE VAGINAL TORTURE ON

IT IS SUPPOSED TO RESTRAIN YOU

PUNISHMENT FOR DARING TO SAY WHO THE TORTURERS ARE..

AND HOW THEY TEACH THEIR CHILDREN TO CHEAT FROM THE BEGINNING..

 JUNK PEOPLE

 and will they be freed

if they go to the States

 the lab in London

has put it on full again

 put what onto full

the womb irritator

 feels like super severe labour pains

and keep on pushining here in Arkansas

 though friends here try to help

as best they can

 the London lab will be allowed

to continue torture long range

 their citizen not ours for now

not a lot that we can do

 torture to continue

on our ground

 just like the stuff which happened

back then in Belsen and Auschwitz

 over and over battering without cause

that one little woman day and night

 who bows her head and begs the Lord

to help her and her kids through

 the artificial pain inflicted

by the murderous London lab

 of lechers and liars

though they weep tears at past deeds

 of those of theirs for whom our family lost all

to save and give life when THEY needed help

 and the skimming has already begun

Friends no less and what else?

 THE OUTLAWED PROGRAMME

 yesterday in a beautiful place

in this beautiful huge country

the lab put over

 the london lab

is feeding you work now

to americans

to jewish american mainstream

 so  no squeak will ever be mine

over here

and no one dare say a word

to jews over here

 why........

we lived together

we worked together

we got rich working with you

we helped you whenever you needed us

we were helped by a jewish GI major in Germany after

we needed your help then

we are not scared to talk to people

we see and saw our jewish neighbours as our friends and people

 the lab sayeth:

this is a new phrase of hers please use

make into a ad catch phrase in your name

(they have a super powerful computer which finds all that)

and

why can't you use her paintings for ads

we did in England

like this

all english media

and our sponsored designers

and our sponsored artists

and all our sponsored people

all the lab friends

write to cover the lab

and we gave it to Harvey

who got a divorce for it

so being on high

he would cover all of us with use

so now you can use all her work for us

we guarantee you success if you will use her work for us

 oh our jewish friends and former neighbours

how badly you have used us and me especially

I wonder when the day of reckoning will come for you, again..

 RATS AND RATS AND RATS

 don't

said the lab in london

fetch the old Harvard Professor into the lab

it won't take him long to work it out

she's such a nice person

he'll smell a rat

 and we are the rats

and we don't want that

 but why did the lab

fetch the old Harvard Professor into the lab

for the Russian classes I attended at Sheffield University

to get out and meet new people

after they got my ex of twenty five years

to dump the kids and me there

 I don't write grammatical Uky

but I do write

I speak with a funny Slovak Uky accent

due to my mum

and it's where I was born

but a hun ethnic

but I do speak

I read well

and found at two Universities

I am only a step behind the young

who come from Poland and other slav countries

way infront of the westerners

 Tell you why

when I was little in the children's home in Germany

and the english took my mum to work as donkeys over there

combing the refugee places for workers

and then refused to let the lone women bring their children

who the heck in mainland europe had a live husband or father

and she married my Uky 'dad'

 I liked him from the day I arrived

he had clear grey eyes

said to me

Uky is my language and in my house you speak it

so we sat down with a Bookwar here and there

and quickly I learnt

and my daughter learnt from them too

 I smile now when I think

of how difficult I found to distinguish

all the different shhhhhs and jshhhhhs and chshssss

and how I had to say frog in Uky to get it right

each and every time

and then it was our home language

 mum spoke slovak

he spoke Uky

and I spoke something which all the kids there

at the refugee camp at Elsham spoke

my best friend Desdia

with Polish dad spoke it too

a sort of muddle of all the language

in the same sort of way as Yiddish you know

 'cause you know

we were all a muddle too

mum's best friend missus oneiko

a berlin jewess

and the others

the shulz'z

a POW who stayed and fetched his wife

 my best friend then

a latvian boy next door barrack

who flew of to Canada that year

and endless stories like that

even when I was grown

working on the local newspaper

if we saw each other

we'd smile

and I kept their wedding pics for myself too

 and my dad's friends

dead interesting

and everyone knew Telewny of Scunthorpe

he wrote in all the Uky papers

and visited everyone

so I listened to them discussing in Uky

sometimes heated always with passion

from the very beginning

he would take me down the the men's barracks

they fed me Polish sweets

and I sat and listened

 so why did this weird english bossess

fetch in the old Harvard Professor

who ofcourse was jewish

no disrespect meant at all

but why did the lab choose a jewish professor

to sit and listen to the Uni lessons

which were only my way of getting going again

amongst the local pop

 for herself methinks

to carve a name for herself

they gave a load of lies to all these americans

who never check anything from England

and the games herself played at those classes

man...

 well guys

you should

not everything smells of roses over there

though they no longer pour the jerry pot into the streets

and the bossess says

she is stopping after I am dead

and that is why they are trying to hasten my death

with all sorts of technological tortures unbelievably crude

rather like the bossess and its staff

but then they found out

that the bossess has had this lecherous streak

since the age of eleven

says she is a non believer

which should explain it all and her jewish quacks there

 so now the rats are scared

that they might smell a rat over here

if they get the scent right

in this private little vendetta of the lab bossess.

 MIRRORING

 Mirroring is illegal

and there is good reason why

 at the start of all this

I knew there were lunatics here

 but no idea why or where

then when my jokes

 our families conversations

and more seemed to be on every programme

 as per instructions from L.A. Jew

I thought ey ey, nerve games

 listen guys, we come from all that

you don't ask why when you realise

 you just make sure to survive it

you gird your loins and stick cotton wools in your ears

 and twist wire round you tongue

and go into super alert

 that's how it was at home too

so the Mirror ran a series

 all of it came from Anna of St Barths

and a lot of it contained my work - so sayeth the lab

 hey guys, you gotta laugh

refugees from communism

 death threats don't really work on us in reality

some sat in the middle of american bombing and lived

 but I have to run to China for safety

and Chris of Oxford, you've shown your profs

 four books all copied from an old, well elderly lady teacher

I laugh out loud each time I hear 'Oxford' now

 graduated all right in copy right

in cheating and thieving from others called copy write

 and when I see the police

what police in this country..

 do her work though mirroring is illegal, is it

best go back to communism

 where at least you can complain

the capitalists don't even give you that

 shouting all that democratic purity

daren't be found out

 no different to my dad's stories of there

from the Kremlin and Stalin

 hey there, Paula of the Mirror

did you check your colleagues out

 what they copied- my dad killed by yous

was also a freelance Friedlander

 and my dad's mate at the Mail

got a scoop for forgetting her roots

 but my dad didn't have to copy anyone's work

and me, I just peruse how different the reality is

 to the rubbish they tell us

yet if you read history closely

 it is all there, all the truths though I really don't tell

mirroring is illegal...

 EASTER

 I love Easter

I just adore Easter

it is wonderful

 I can remember too well

as a kid in my Bavarian children's home

always being too small to reach the painted eggs

(Huns are generally smaller than Germans

and I am a very little Hun to boot)

hidden in the bushes by the nuns

for us to find after Mass

 and you know

Mass in Bavaria was something else

I watched in fear the golden snakes

slithering to the ground

and the only man in our lives

other than soldiers in jeeps and tanks

whizzing all over the place

after the girls

the Priest shouting away

in germanic sounding Latin

Latin was much better, mysterious

now we know what he is saying

and a lot has been lost-

or so I seem to remember

(I liked the nuns not the Priest)

 then when my kids were growing up

two of them altar servers

one had was suspended for a week for being naughty

twice, but Irish Priests understand naughty boys

and my daughter in the Legion of Mary and me too

we attended Maundy Thursday, Good Friday

right through to Easter Sunday

when the ex was always asked to take the collection

being our appendage and foreman

for many of the Irish there

(lots of tales to tell there too)

 and then older and alone

I would attend every single Station

in the East End at St Anthony's

I saw it not only as Jesus

but the cruelty of the whole human race

towards the human race

Huns are not inclined towards mourning

but this is a time one could mourn

 but here by the Pennine land

it is Methodist country

and their God was a cruel God

which kept them underground

the place is riddled with empty coal mines

and now their God is tree and grass for a change

 Things are changing however

and earthquakes shake the place

now we all know the Dutch will sort the shores

as they have done for three centuries

having come to Lincolnshire to sort the water

but what of these empty mines

one earth quake and two

more and more they will collapse

flood with water again

 the nation produces rubbish now

not coal but lots and lots of rubbish

so why not use this rubbish for good purpose

why not fill the old coal mines with rubbish

and give the people hereabout a rest

they've given enough of their generations

or is it british punishment

as their forebears came from Sachsen Anhalt

and just couldn't hack it over there?

 I arn't from these parts

but they've had little enough to thank God about

and when you look at the Stations

think of the young pregnant women

dragging coal waggons up pits

naked in the heat

and the rest of the horror of these parts

 Coming here to live I was shocked

at the colour of some of their faces STILL

coming from Lincolnshire

pig country as I did

God smiles in pink cheeked babies there

they're just getting some where here

for goodness sakes,

lets give 'em a chance

 think of that Easter Jesus suffering

then remember those miners

who made you all rich

and suffered terribly

 but I still love Easter the best.

 ..and why

has someone asked since

do you stick up for them constantly

when that area spends all its time

trying to knock you off your pedestal

 they know not what they do

in more ways than one-

they are fed untruths twisted

from a rogue lab

which has to keep itself out of prison

I cannot hold that against the people.

 WE’RE SAVED

 best news I've heard in a decade or more

no space aliens to be seen anywhere

the Universe is all for us it seems

 do you realise what good news that is

it means we can with a little human ingenuity

build crafts, go to other worlds

think how to cart water to there, then produce it

how to build in new types of rocks

how to start new areas of civilisation

(ha!)

gosh it is endless

don't forget the coffee for those like me-

it is wonderful

I am brilliantly happy just thinking of it

I bags Jupiter here and now

for all my forebears

(my culture bears many similarities

to the very northern ones you see..so!)

 we can have interplanetary wars

said someone and I agree

 we can have children

that will have to fight

to get somewhere else

off this stagnating planet

(one or two sci-fi books

have already explored that path)

 it is not all over

it wasn't all for nothing

 oh dear God

Mary, mother of Jesus

and Jesus

and the Prophet Mohammed

blessed be his name

we can take them all over the place too

have you thought

what a pressy from God!

 it was all worth living and fighting for

we won't go under in a final fire

but then you know-

I know from my background

the british firebombing of Hamburg

my fairytales from my youth

wasn't the end

they even threw Phosphor into the river

to roast even those in the water

but look at the place now

nor the fires of Dresden-

My mother talked of it

as friends shrivelled black to fit in a sink

but I saw it clean and gleaming

full of life and people

there's me on the photos on that bridge

and the Palace all of them in Dresden

 thank you Lord

for such a wonder ful future you have given us

if only we can keep our heads

and our leaders can try just a little brains

give them half a brain at least

or damned good advisors

not a lot just a little

or we might have to topple

the lot of them

please God

just a little

 hey, but listen

do we have to call them aliens-

me, I was an enemy alien

not a refugee

from the age of eight

though I know this language

better than they do

I know their customs

better than they do

and could pass for one of them

if I wanted to anytime

but prefer not to

(they don't like our brains here)

and still get a kick or two for it

daily from a rotten London lab

which should disappear it is so stupid

or we will never have the Universe

with such idiots roving the Earth

with their stupid sexual perversions

just as Hitler had done

having learnt from their jewish freudian quacks

- the germans learn anything well-

(more of my childhood fairytales)

 and aliens is not nice

let's think of them as

our fellow space population

our future fellow citizens

whose land and planet we pinched

if we ever find any that is

Do we have to begin with hate

and turn to hate and destruction

what about a little bit of love and understanding

try the learning process for a change..

 as I always tell these guys who want to bed me

and hope to get british citizenship for it

go to College for two years

then come back and see me

never mind about how long before I will

I won't so try learning something instead

with this wonderful future we have...

 it's all ours

the whole Universe.

  hey but what great news

we've all got something to work for

for a long, long time to come...

Ok ok I am one of the descendants

of the horse men of Mongolia

who rode their horses all the way to France

from Irkutz and beyond the Urals

and still kept their traditions

so I suppose we are rather an optimistic bunch

but I still think it is a wonderful new beginning for us all.

 WIPE THEM OUT

 I quote:

Lee a bull murderer I think

 It will sweep the country-

 but people die of cancer on it-

 they'll die in their beds without knowing why

 (I have been saying that for two decades now

no one listens, too busy shopping)

 So, it will wipe out all the weak!

 We have come to that again

 though I am not one of the weak ones

 I don't reckon that's on-

 circles indeed

 planned by an L.A. jew

 put under covers

 carried out by the english.

 Did you know the first concentration camps

 were british and ............

 they even say

 Hitler got his ideas about national purity

 from the way the european jews

 kept separate from all of us.

 Load of bollocks if you ask me

 but then at school

 my nickname was

 'twenty one varieties'

 Being a central european D.P.

 no one could work out

 exactly what I was supposed to be

 not that it bothers me!

 BRAVE GERMANS

 my Uni of East London

sent me to Leipzig East Germany for one year

 when it became clear

that England and the english had gone mad

 giving all theirs away

and allowing any kind of horror in this land

 to cover three jewish doctors

and a rotten, rogue lab

 I sold my home

and put the money into a german bank

 though it was not that much

as the lab robs and rolls all english banks and building societies

 just as bad over there

the lab Pakistanis were shown how to hack and take

 each took one thousand of my house money

each took all my work as they have no english

 toilet cleaners, health workers and others now experts

wanted to show their new level with my work printed

 as did the english mob there

So last night a director of the german bank look alike

 came onto the television and said

we all know what they are doing to your account

 robbing and rolling but we daren't stop it..

now there was an Arab business man

 they did exactly the same to him

so he fled to Dublin where he now lives in peace

 the little Irish dare to stand in honesty

and you big nation are scared!

 so now the lab bossess Anna

has told her motley staff

 ''if one of you dares to talk

I have you all -the staff- on the machine

 Lynne will see you are dead in no time''

Isn't it time Europe got some new laws

 to go with the new technology from Belsen then America

and stopped having whores running its countries

 just so the Ministers and Civil Servants

can shake themselves out during the day at the office?

 Germany I am ashamed of you

though I have often spoken out in your cause

 and remember the only people who ever helped me in my life

which is why I chose a Bavarian Bank.

 BEHAVIOURAL SCIENCE AGAIN

 says St Barths '' we can't go public

she (that is me) keep opening her gob''

 on that poetry site she writes on

was put over the television by Lauren the other night

 Lauren, liberal jewess, lab axe man's wife who now says my trilogy

from my english degree where her stories she wrote long ago

 a lab filled with staff so stupid they can't pass a GCSE

so copy all that they have on the machine which is mine with lies

 ''the criminals we tuned were not responsible

for their actions'' says the lab

 we are talking of the thieves, murders and the rest

all instigitated to their behaviour by this lab

 so we come back down to the same thing

was Hitler responsible or were his guards

 but no we don't as their victims are made into slaves

by de arranging energy, I am aware so I know, they don't

 and the judges arn't told who sentence them

only lab wheels will get them released early, with a reputation

 the Lab Staff at St Barths are all responsible

they had the people raped and murdered

 they made thieves and robbers even out of the famous

they had others cheat and write stuff not their own and lie and lie

 the victims of their actions are sitting in prison

on life sentences and quite a lot are dead

 even if as the lab put over the other day

the Prince instigitated it. For myself I doubt he even knew of it all

 '' and I am supposed to just live with it''

so said P.M.  Major, like Blaire another german jew

 as this lab runs rampage in the country

unstopped in all their evil

 and Brown was on it too so can't stop them

or they could stop him from the machine

 what sort of country is this

when a rather stupid woman- words of the civil servants

 who used her body not mine, whom she kept on the machine

to keep them horny, is running the whole damned show

 and pretty badly at that- hoping to keep herself young

with her own horny mind and past keeping herself on the machine!

 (I wanted to make you guilty

of all the lab staff had ever done!)

 Wake up you blithering idiots

didn't we have that idiot leading the germans

 and how did that end-

with your stupid circles

 Someone should admit which persons were used

they should not have been used without being told

 as indeed my family should not have been--------

like, I hate the irish, lets have him drunk and rape a two year old

 that is called modern technology and a trial

you are all off your rotten heads

 but blacking all others has always been a british mania

and then destroying them bit by bit

 I DO have enough knowledge to know that

and using anyone and everyone else to do it........

 a lab full of murderers, thieves and liars, female and male

even some of the Nazis were more honest than that

 they had reason for some of their prejudices

the lab women and men are just straight killers

 thank god for american sites, though the lab tortures me remote

at least there is somewhere where the naked truth can be told

 ''we'll show the americans how to do it'' says this low life creature

all that they said was unusable, we will use here and make it work

 hm,as someone said, killing, maiming and ageing by torture

are hardly a skilled occupation for such experts as yous claim TO BE..

 CULTURE LOST

 I teach and also learn a great deal

about many varied things

 on Sunday whilst teaching

I required a young student

to discover these dates

St David's Day

St George's Day

St Patrick's Day

and other such significant days

such as the shortest month

the shortest day in the year

the longest day in the year

and so on and so forth

 My text book was for a specific age

about seven to eight years

 I looked back into my own past

I came to this Isle at nearly eight

and knew all these days

and Saints' days back then-

although the lab St Barths Human Research

has treated us cruelly

has used us as lab animals

after we finished work as their pit ponies

these days give a feel of the country's culture

 but then, I went to Church schools

and loved my schools and all I learnt therein

 and though my mother had a problem

with - girls wear ties, really

and why do socks Have to be long and white

and thick school blazers, what for

we had come to join this nation

not to fight her though now they say they hate us

and the newspapers call my country men

those 'soviet countries'

yet it was Churchill who sold us all to Stalin

at the place Yalta

and my mum said:

you can't blame Roosevelt as he was not a European

and didn't really know the inside story of Europe

as Churchill certainly did

so now from Churchill's betrayal

we are suddenly soviets!!

 Nevertheless when in a country

we work hard to work hard

 and to respect what we have joined

so I was surprised when a shirty mum

stopped me with : but I don't know any of that

and I went to the school up the road

over twenty years ago

and we never learnt that

and so why should my son learn it

 surely when you join a country

at least respect their tradition

 I know America is going through a

'let's be nice to everyone who ever they are'

except the hard working person

as we have that one here too

but when my grandson was at school in America

my son commented that they sang

the national anthem before the Hail Mary

and rightly so I commented

 The Hail Mary is a wonderful thing

I am all for woman glorification

as a grandmother who's been kicked about

(not least by this rotten lunatic London lab)

but one should know who it is

who gives you your bread

whilst you can still be what you are

we are a mixed heritage family-

even my children went to Ukrainian Saturday schools

raised the Uky flag at Uky holiday camps

wrote to Mrs Thatcher about our people

we even have a letter from the afore said

had our beautifully embroidered national costumes

and even danced our own dances

up and down the country

(it helped my daughter with her Greek

in her later theology degree..)

I tell thee this-

the boy didn't know which month Christmas is

though two generations were born here

or how to spell it

I bet he knew when Eid was

but then so do I

so does everybody

because we celebrate all the colonies here-

is there something lacking here I wonder?

  WHAT I HAVE LEARNT

the person who loaded the machine today

had this to tell at eight a.m.

for me and all the world to know:

 I now know there is no law in the land

there is absolutely no law

if someone above wants to break the law

 no one can do a thing about it

this is our democratic West

the same as the East only fed like cattle for the slaughter

 and yesterday loaded onto the machine by the lab bossess:

yes, it is the end of Art

we have destroyed art

 all art is now meaningless

no more than decoration

or an entertainment

 man has fallen from his greatest

by one woman at a corrupt lab

the reformation is ended -the Barbarian has won

 all has been changed in the victim's life

What Edna thought (Edna was my mother in law

voluntary patient at Lincoln Mental Home)

 Diana now thinks (they swap files about!)

all has to be changed

total spin and no one will know

 all will be hidden

as operatives pretend to be specialists

as post, bank accounts and work is again robbed!

 and yes, said the lab over tv, another human Right gone long ago

we are still lasering and stressing and tensing night after night

we want to see  how strong she is when she will collapse

 we hoped we would burst a blood vessel in her head

we are battering as she writes this

or destroy some other organ in her body as others have had

 and then we know at what intensity to make the new weaponry

effectiveness and the activating of cancers amongst all and sundry

we brought these east european DP's here as slaves

 and this is our final use of these modern day slaves of ours

now that they have rebuilt us

for our and the Pakistanis and our colonials use

 be warned we did not heed the warnings...

don't listen to english promises

they are just blather, nothing but blather and no one listens to truth

[that-spider-witch]

On “Dead” Cultures and Closed Spiritual Practices: Why Colonialism Is Still A Problem.

Let me start this by saying that, as far as my knowledge of Paganism and Polytheism as a whole goes, I’m what the internet witch community calls a “Baby Witch”. I’m stating this out of the gate because I know there will be lots of people, including witches who have more experience on the craft than me, who might decide to ignore what I have to say based on that fact alone, stating that I’m not knowledgeable enough to give my opinion about this.

Here’s the kicker: I’m a ‘baby witch’, yes, but I’m also a twenty-six year old Venezuelan woman. I’m an adult. I’m Latina. I’m a Christian-raised Pagan,but I’m also a Latinoamerican woman over all other things including that. I grew up on this culture, these are my roots. It is because of this background than I’m writing this post today.

Looking through the “Paganism” and “Witchcraft” tags of this website, I’ve seen a few posts throwing indigenous deities and spirits’ names around on lists alongside deties of open cultures. Yes, you can know better by doing your own research and not going by what just a random Tumblr user wrote on one post (as I hope its the case with everyone on this website), but the fact that pagan beginners are still getting fed misinformation is still worrisome to me.

There’s nothing like reading a so-called expert putting Ixchen (Maya), Xolotl (Nahuatl) and Papa Legba (Vodou) on the same damn list as Norse, Hellenic and Kemetic deities and tagging it on the tags aimed at beginners who might not know better to truly ruin your morning. I’m not mentioning user names here: If you know then you know.

To quote @the-illuminated-witch on her very good post about Cultural Appropriation: 

“Cultural appropriation is a huge issue in modern witchcraft. When you have witches using white sage to “smudge” their altars, doing meditations to balance their chakras, and calling on Santa Muerte in spells, all without making any effort to understand the cultural roots of those practices, you have a serious problem.

When trying to understand cultural appropriation in witchcraft, it’s important to understand the difference between open and closed magic systems. An open system is one that is open to exchange with outsiders — both sharing ideas/practices and taking in new ones. In terms of religion, spirituality, and witchcraft, a completely open system has no restrictions on who can practice its teachings. A closed system is one that is isolated from outside influences — usually, there is some kind of restriction on who can practice within these systems.”

A counter-argument I’ve seen towards this when someone wants to appropiate indigenous deities and spirits is to use the “dead culture” argument: Extinct cultures are more eligible for use by modern people of all stirpes. It is a dead culture and dead religion. It would be one thing if some part of the culture or religion was still alive, being used by modern descendants, but the culture died out in its entirety and was replaced, right? They were all killed by colonization, they are ancient history now, right?

Example: “If white people are worshipping Egyptian deities now, then why can’t I worship [Insert Aborigen Deity Here]?”

To which I have two things to say:

Ancient Egypt’s culture was open and imperialistic, meaning they wanted their religion to be spread. This is why Kemetism is not Cultural Appropriation, despite what some misinformed people might tell you. Similar arguments can also be made for the Hellenic and the Norse branches of Paganism, both practiced by people who aren’t Greek/Norse.

Who are you to say which cultures are “dead” and which are not?

Religious practices such as Vodou and Santería certainly aren’t dead, not that it keeps some Tumblr users from adding Erzuli as a “goddess” on their Baby Witch post, something that actual Vodou practitioners have warned against.

Indigenous cultures such as the Maya and the Mapuche aren’t dead, despite what the goverment of their countries might tell you. The Mapuche in particular have a rich culture and not one, but two witchcraft branches (The Machi and the Kalku/Calcu). Both are closed pagan practices that the local Catholic Church has continuously failed to assimilate and erase, though sadly not for lack of trying:

“The missionaries who followed the Spanish conquistadors to America incorrectly interpreted the Mapuche beliefs regarding both wekufes and gualichos. They used the word wekufe as a synonym for ideas of the devil, demons, and other evil or diabolical forces. This has caused misunderstanding of the original symbolism and has changed the idea of wekufe right up to the present day, even amongst the Mapuche people.”

For context, the Wefuke are the Calcu’s equivalent of the Familiar, as well as reportedly having more in common with the Fae than with demons anyway.

This and other indigenous religions are Closed because it is wrong for foreigners to just come and take elements from marginalized groups whom are still fighting to survive and that they weren’t born into. To just approppiate those things would be like spitting in their faces, treating them and their culture like a commodity, a shiny thing, a unique thing to be used like paint to spruce up your life or be special.

I know some of you are allergic to the word “Privilege”, but on this situation there really ain’t a better word to explain it. You weren’t born here, you don’t know what it is like, you are only able to see the struggle from an outsider’s point of view.

If a belief or practice is part of a closed system, outsiders should not take part in it. And with how many practices there are out there which are open for people of all races, there is really no excuse for you to do it.

Why Colonization Is Not “Ancient History”

If you have kept reading all this so far, you are probably wondering “Ok, but what does Colonization has to do with any of this?”

The answer? Everything.

With the general context of culture appropriation out of the way, let me tell you about why the whole “dead culture” argument rubs me the wrong way: Here in Venezuela, we have a goddess called Santa Maria de la Onza, or Maria Lionza for short, whom’s idol statue I have been using to illustrate this little rant. If you happen to know any Spanish, you might recognize the name as a derivative of Santa Maria, aka the Virgin Mary, and you are mostly correct: Her true indigenous name is theorized to have been Yara.

And I say “theorized” because it is a subject of hot debate whether she was really ever called that or not: Her original name, the name by which she was adored and worshipped by our ancestors, might have been forever lost to history.

That’s the legacy of colonization for you: Our cultures were stolen from us, and what they couldn’t erase they instead tried to assimilate. Our ancestors were enslaved, their lands and homes stolen, their artwork and literary works destroyed: The Maya and the Aztec Empire were rich in written works of all kinds, ranging from poetry to history records to medicine, and the Spaniards burned 99% of it, on what is probably one of the most tragic examples of book burning in history and one that people rarely ever talk about. 

People couldn’t even worship their own gods or pass their knowledge of them to their children. That’s why Maria Lionza has such a Spanish Catholic-sounding name, and that’s why we can’t even be sure if Yara was her name or not: The Conquistadors couldn’t steal our goddess from us, so they stole her name instead. Catholics really have a thing with trying to assimilate indigenous goddesses with the Virgin Mary, as they tried to do the same with the Pachamama.

On witchy terms, I’d define Maria Lionza as both a deity and a land spirit: Most internet pages explaining her mention the Sorte mountain as her holy place, but it is more along the lines that she is the mountain. 

You’d think that, with Venezuela and other Latinoamerican countries no longer being colonies, we’d be able to worship our own deities including her, right?

As far as a lot of Catholics seem to think and act, apparently we are not.

The Catholics here like to go out of their way to shame us, to call us “cultists”, to ostracize us, with a general call to “refrain from those pagan beliefs” because they go against the Catholic principles. Yes, the goddess with the Catholic-sounding name, a name she happens to share with a Catholic deity, apparently goes “against Catholic principles”. You really can’t make this shit up. (Linked article is in Spanish)

This is just an act of colonization out of many, of not wanting to stop until the culture they want to destroy is gone. Don’t believe for a second that this is really their God’s will or anything like that, they are just trying to finish what years of enslavement and murder couldn’t. They might not be actively killing us anymore, but they still want us dead.

So no, colonization is not some thing that has long passed and now only exist on history textbooks: It is still happening to this day. It is by treating it as old history that they can keep doing it, and it is by pushing the narrative that our indigenous cultures are “dead cultures” that they try to erase our heritage.

Because we are not dead. We are still here, we are alive, we have survived and we’ll keep on surviving, and our gods and goddesses are not yours to take.

¡Chao! 🐈

#pagan #paganism #religion #culture #latino #latinoamerica #colonization #witch #baby witch #witchcraft #witchblr #Maria Lionza #colonialism #venezuela #brujeria #polytheism #witchcore #mapuche #vodou #nahuatl #history #cultural appropiation

[whump-town]

Was Hotch Abused?

I offer you my 2,300+ worded thoughts on the matter with episodes included. There's going to be lots and lots of talk about abuse so you're going to want to steer clear of that if that's something you're not cool with but for those of you interested... I give you all the proof I could think of:

Natural Born Killer.

In the eighth episode of the first season, “Natural Born Killer”, we meet Vincent Perrotta. His father was abusive but from the outside looking in, no one knew a thing. Perrotta started drinking at fourteen and committed petty crimes, as well as assault, for pleasure. Going as far as to kill his own father not too long after. But Perrotta is a monster and a psychopath so it’s clear we’re not supposed to sympathize which makes his interaction with Hotch so peculiar.

Hotch is our “Captain America”. A true neutral with an infinity for doing what’s right so it’s inconceivable to compare him to Perrotta and yet Hotch gives us some rather conflicting lines to dissect.

Before Gideon hands the interview over to Hotch, he spends a moment talking with the others out in the bullpen. The whole time he’s leaned back and he’s watching Morgan and Hotch. Now, at this point, we don’t know about the sexual abuse Derek Morgan faced at the hands of Carl Buford but there’s something about the way that Gideon spends the entirety of the conversation only looking at the two of them. Waiting for them to put together what he clearly already has and when Hotch does…

Hotch jumps straight into Perrotta’s profile, asking: “You grew up in a house that looked normal and happy, didn’t you Vincent?”, “But your father beat you every chance he got”

Perrotta excuses it with a shrug, “he smacked me around some, didn’t everybody’s old man?”

Abuse is a complicated thing and, often, abused children just don’t know what their parents are doing to them is abuse. It can be a subtle and outright thing but there’s an element of normalcy to it. The parent’s abuse is as habitual, as minimal as biting your nails to the child. Adults often can’t identify their parent’s past abuse.

With Hotch you learn that his lack of expression is often as telling as his expressions and as Hotch looks back at Perrotta, there’s something so sad about his eyes. His voice goes from loud, assertive to his whispered answer to Perrotta’s question. “No.” As if, well, maybe that’s a question he’d raised once too.

Perrotta doesn’t care about that though and he taunts “well, maybe if yours had you would have learned to fight”. But is it not more telling that Hotch didn’t make a sound? Perrotta got in several hits and the only sound Hotch made was when the wind was literally punched out of him. Not even when Gideon called to him and at that point, Perrotta did not the garrote around Hotch’s throat. That’s another thing mentioned before in the profile and something Hotch mentions to Perrotta directly. You learn to take the beatings, smile even. So, it’s just a little odd how little Hotch responded…

But that’s all nothing, you can take that how you want

Which leads us to the fateful, not everyone comment.

"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers"

That can’t mean NOTHING, there’s so much there but there’s something about Hotch’s subtle wording. The way he’s unconsciously slipped himself in there (a very real thing that people do) and he hasn’t even realized it. Doesn’t even know he’s done it until Perrotta pushes and he pauses, asks what Perrotta means. And the subtly of it, the way he doesn’t even mean to that says more than anything else.

“And some people grow up to catch them.”

It’s a super-specific comment to make. He can’t possibly be talking about Derek because he doesn’t even know about Carl Buford yet not to mention saying that about him would be incredibly rude if he were talking about Reid (and again, he doesn’t know about Reid’s childhood yet). So… that really only leaves him because JJ, Garcia, and Elle were not abused.

“P911”

In season two, episode two “P911” the team is hunting down a man trying to sell a young boy, Peter, on the black market. Kevin Rose is an underage boy “selling” himself on the internet while his abusive father has been in prison. I’ll let you just guess who it is that leads the team on finding out more about Kevin.

Your guess is more than likely right-- Morgan and Hotch. Now, we know about Morgan but come on. Nothing to say about it being Hotch who makes the emotional appeal?

The camera even follows his gaze, he’s crouched down (to appear non-threatening because he’s so close) and we watch his eyes take in the scars on Kevin’s chest. You can also note that while Gideon remarks that Kevin’s father was “always drunk, you never knew why he was hurting you, why he was so angry” both Kevin and Hotch look away from him.

AND FUCKING TRY AND TELL ME THE “some grow up to catch them” LINE WAS NOTHING TRY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT GIDEON SAYS? NO, NO GUESS--

Gideon: “At night you’d cry yourself to sleep hoping someone would come and save you”

And it’s HOTCH, HOTCH IS THE ONE TO SAY: “You have the chance to be the one who saves someone, Kevin. You can be the one who answers him, the one who stops his pain.”

PARALLELS PEOPLE THE PARALLELS

“Profiler, Profiled”

I bet you weren’t expecting this one, huh? But there’s something about people who faced trauma that makes it so perceptible to other traumatized people-- they sniff it out like coke to a drug hound. And, just guess, who it is that spends the majority of his time fighting with Morgan? Who knows (like I said about the bloodhound) immediately there is something Morgan’s hiding.

Hotch is angry, he’s upset that Morgan would hide anything. Mumbling about there being “larger implications” and how the team can’t have secrets. With the knowledge of exactly what that secret is it makes Gideon’s eye roll a little telling. Because it’s like they both know but neither will say. Driven home by Gideon turning the attention to Hotch, asking “would you want us profiling you?”

And again Hotch is the one to leap onto the abuse. The one to put the pieces together. Hotch’s anger makes no sense. He says he’s angry that Derek’s keeping a secret but the team has many, way too many. Over the years the team unwraps all kinds of secrets, he’s never angry then. So, it’s not about the implication of a secret at all. It’s what the secret is, like misplaced anger. Anger with himself may be leftover from his own abuse. But still…

Hotch lets Morgan escape. Knows exactly who and what Carl Buford is but all he tells the team is that “he won’t even speak about him”. He always knows how to find the abuse… like I said, a bloodhound.

George Foyet

I know you’re going to find this so fucking surprising but guess who also was abused? George Foyet was beaten by his biological father and his mother didn’t save him so he hates women (bleh, men are disgusting what’s knew).

Now, blah, blah, blah Hannah, I know you’re not about to say Foyet and Hotch are a lot alike-- no of course not. Don’t be silly. What I’m going to say is that they’re foil characters? They accent one another in an opposites sort of way. Foyet is a manipulative narcissist who doesn’t work well with others. Hotch is a guilt-ridden team leader who can’t let The Reaper’s case go. There are meant to be comparisons drawn between them. A good villain does that. George Foyet shows us that Hotch is not at all this removed, cool guy that we’ve previously assumed him to be. He cries in an alley because he blames himself when The Reaper kills a busload of people.

We see he has a rather compulsive nature. He never let The Reaper case go and has very personal ties in this case. Not even after Foyet attacks him, if anything it’s worse. He brings the case file home.

But it’s certainly interesting to see yet another “villain” with that same tragic abusive father and submissive mother come into play with Hotch. We’re nearing a point where it’s getting hard to call it coincidence (and according to David Rossi, there simply is not such thing).

Haunted.

In the second episode of the fifth season, “Haunted”, Hotch voice’s over a Dickinson quote: “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house; The brain has corridors surpassing. Material place.” These quotes are often cheesy, if not a little cliché, but given the premise of this episode is in exploring the ways in which a man’s traumatic childhood has left him now grappling for a truth he can not define… well, maybe we can say the writers were onto something here.

Darrin Call, debatably the Unsub of “Haunted”, was abused by an alcoholic father. We see several signs of it throughout the episode-- Darrin’s delayed speech & severe neglect that leaves Darrin in dirty, hole-riddled clothing. If what we see is not enough, the reports that the team is given on Darrin explicitly state that he was extremely physically abused. It is this abuse that leads to the PTSD that he’s diagnosed with.

As sad and disheartening as Darrin Call’s life is, overall it’s the sort of episode that is forgotten over time. When it’s placed right after the episode that viewers have to watch Hotch say goodbye to Haley and Jack then, who is Darrin Call when compared to the agony of watching Hotch show genuine weakness? After watching Hotch lay in a hospital bed, tears in his eyes wondering if his son will remember him? His fears become our own and after watching George Foyet disarm and mutilate the one guy we’ve been led to believe for five seasons is infallibly, unflinchingly never going to break… well, Darrin Call has it bad but our focus is elsewhere.

It’s on Hotch, right?

The guy who is coming back to the job after only a month (and a day) off to recover. Who Morgan worries might have PTSD but he knows they can’t easily measure because Hotch wrote the questionnaire, he knows all the right answers. Who we see has had new locks installed since the attack and has Foyet’s file sitting open on a table for easy access. Who hears Darrin Call’s life (worked the same job without promotion for years before getting fired, no wife, no kids, a hermit) and bluntly asks why Darrin hasn’t just killed himself.

And let’s just take a moment to break down that comment. Hotch, who in the episode previously lost his wife and child, wants to know why a man who is steadily starting to sound a lot like him hasn’t just killed himself.

And I don’t say “sounds a lot like him” lightly.

Darrin Call has PTSD. Hotch, more than likely, has PTSD

Here are some signs just from that episode: hostility (he yelled at Garcia over something very small), self-destructive behavior (he ran into Darrin Call’s father’s house without a vest, back-up, or telling the other’s what he was doing), and guilt (blamed himself for missing the eye twitching Darrin exhibited because of his years of antipsychotic use)

Darrin Call was abused… this marks the second HEAVILY implied time that Hotch has been compared to another man abused by his father

Vincent Perrotta was the first with that hard to forget the exchange

George Foyet and his notably exactly the same past as Perrotta

“Haunted” feels like it’s supposed to prove to the audience that Hotch is losing it. He distances himself from Morgan, leaving every room that Morgan is in. He doesn’t pick up Garcia’s calls after Darrin Call attacks his therapist. The only glimpse we see of the old Hotch is with Emily, pulled to the side, but his guilt burns and he even brushes her off. Shaking his head and turning his back to her because somehow he should have seen something no one else did.

Throw in Reid’s comment about Call “victims are often drawn to the scene of their first trauma” and we’re painfully reminded of Hotch’s apartment. A place you’d think he’d want to escape but didn’t. The man was stabbed nine times in his own apartment and stayed in that same place. Almost sounds like that statement could be applied to Hotch too.

A dash of Hotch’s own comment about where Call would go to in his confusion and he says “to what he knows”, even the importance of how that orphanage is “where he became Darrin Call”. Where does Hotch go? What does Hotch know? The job.

So… we tally now three total Unsubs that Hotch has this direct relationship with. Three Unsubs with abusive fathers and mothers who couldn’t protect them. Hmm… coincidence?

Brothers Hotchner

Supervisor Special Agent Hotchner is a master of hiding, that is undeniable. It’s hard to see anything behind those furrowed brows and impersonal suits and that’s likely for a reason. However, anyone with a little sibling can tell you that no one on this Earth can and will annoy the ever-loving shit out of you like a sibling.

But that’s not really important. Sean and Hotch don’t talk about their parents. At all. Ever.

Hotch says that when Sean was in the first grade he got sent off to boarding school. “I was the screw-up making bad choices”. Interesting enough of a statement to make but you throw in the rough ages of Sean and Hotch at that time and it’s a little more than just “interesting”. You have Hotch at roughly 14-15 getting into trouble just like Morgan did at that same age (coincidence???).

(now you can certainly look at Hotch’s parentification vs. Sean’s immaturity doubled with substance abuse problems but we’d be stretching. “The Tribe” touches on the parentification but Sean just calls it “the big brother” thing and tells Hotch that he’s not Sean’s father and it’s fine it’s whatever. Hotch is a bit pushy. That’s not new. Substance abuse can just be a problem, it doesn’t have to be bc they were abused but again… a little coincidental)

So... was Aaron Hotchner abused as a child? I certainly think so

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner

[lunastwilightblog]

The Volturi are the good guys and Bella is the up-and-coming villain

I’m on my computer for this as I know it might be long, but bear with me (insert Emmett pun here) 🐻

So wait - the Volturi are the good guys? But didn’t SM write them as the bad guys? 

Well, yes, SM did write Aro and co in as the antagonists of the series, but bear in mind that originally she didn’t write most of New Moon to happen, or the entirety of Eclipse. There was Twilight and Forever Dawn, which we’ll sadly never read. Her vision of the Volturi and their role as the evil villains who wanted to separate Edward and Bella became distorted as she had to flesh them out more and show their role as the governing body.

Then she wrote the Illustrated Guide and revealed their history and the horrors of the world without their authority; with the Romanians being as brutal as they were, the constant terror humans lived with and the fracturing of the world into many unstable and violent vampire-ruled empires (plus with way more children of the moon running about, probably as far west as - at least - central Europe). 

When the Volturi were coming to power they were laughed at with the idea of their law, a significant reason the Romanians didn’t take them seriously. But now they are extremely popular.

This isn’t just because Aro created vampires to go out and sing his praises. Volturi rule has been a blessing for both humans and vampires.

For humans it’s the obvious: they are not living their lives in fear, they are not subject to massacres (except if caught in newborn warzones), their population has been able to grow and expand, modern medicine and technology have been able to flourish, society is much more stable, people need to flee areas much less (if ever) so they can stay put and complete research/live to meet their grandkids/etc, and not have to serve a vampire in the local castle. 

For vampires it’s actually quite similar: with the human population growing to as large as it is today when at the time the Volturi came to power it was (estimated to be) only 210 million globally, vampires have been able to grow to even greater numbers also, and feed more often than before. If a vampire 2000 years ago killed 5 people in a town it would be an outrage the humans would certainly have noticed, however kill 5 people in a place as big as London, LA, Paris, Singapore, Bucharest... it would likely not be noticed very much, if at all (depending on who you kill).  

Humans like to measure things in percentages. Those 5 people is a huge number to a town of 2000 - that’s 0.25% of the whole town’s population. It would be talked about, and relatives of the dead/missing would all know each other. Yet kill those 5 in a city of 12 million (as is London), that’s only 0.00004167% of the population. And chances are, the dead humans’ families don’t even live in the area (or could be in another country entirely) never mind know each other to realise there was a mass murder.

So vampires, as long as they hide from humans, as is the only law (besides no immortal children or consorting with werewolves), they have a lot more freedom nowadays than they did before the times of the Volturi. There are so many people that they can easily get lost in a crowd, move internationally, and not be pressured for allegiance by a local vampire warlord (before meeting Aro, Caius ran afoul of the Romanians, and he barely escaped with his life).

With there only being one authority, and one that does not interfere with your day-to-day life, is a dream come true. As long as they don’t break this law that is very easy to abide by, they can do whatever the f*** they want.

Carlisle would have never been able to get a job as a doctor if he was known to be a vampire, nor could any of the Cullens have entered education of any form. They’d be stuck sneaking into libraries after closing, and googling. Edward would have never met Bella (neither would Edward’s ancestors have immigrated to America - in fact, Europeans may have never discovered America in the first place. The whole Cullen coven aside from Carlisle might never have been born).

So what the Volturi have done (despite many of them having not-so-savoury personalities corrupted by hunger for power or violence) is bring peace to the world, get rid of tyrants, increase the food supply, allow a greater amount of freedom, and the first kind of trials and justice ever seen in their world. Sure, Aro uses trials to find new talent, but it’s still a world away from before.

Which leads me on to the events of Breaking Dawn, and Bella.

So. Maybe controversial, but: the Volturi did absolutely nothing wrong in Breaking Dawn.

They turned up thinking a serious crime had been committed. They stopped to talk (which Vladimir certainly never would have done!), considered the evidence and processed new discoveries and discussed their legality, decided there was no crime to punish, and left with only the informant dead. Yes, Irina had been innocent in the way that she strongly had believed she had been telling the truth and her memories must have presented good enough evidence to Aro initially, but their witnesses had come to see justice being served, and in the vampire world that is execution. Aro could have continued with prosecuting the Cullens for something he now knew was false, or execute Irina instead.

(Side note: she did kind of deserve it too. She didn’t bother to check her evidence, she wanted revenge for Laurent’s death so her accusation wasn’t coming from a place of good intentions but instead she was willing to have her friends and family killed for Laurent. She was also forcing Aro into a position where he had to prepare himself to kill Carlisle, whom we know he cherishes. Remember also that Aro turned down Laurent’s application to the Guard because he’d followed the Romanians for a while, so he won’t have been entirely trusting of Irina anyway, her having been Laurent’s mate).

Anyway. Onto Bella.

So Aro’s impression of Bella after New Moon seems to be positive. Why? Well, through Edward’s thoughts he saw that Bella was able to keep The Secret. He had heard how much she wanted to be a vampire. In addition, Marcus showed him how strong Edward and Bella’s bond is. Both of them knew, that if E & B’s love was almost as strong as Marcus and Didyme’s, that no matter what Edward currently said or thought about Bella being turned it was invalid. If Bella were dying, he would turn her for sure, which happened. Then the obvious, that Edward had already proven he could not live without her.

Bella was trustworthy and probably going to be turned. Alice showing proof was just a formality so Aro could say he had evidence rather than admit he’d just made assumptions (and Alice having had that vision may act as proof that his assumption was correct).

Therefore, from Aro’s perspective, Bella was a human who wanted to become immortal so much that she would rather die than not, and she was already following his law. She was no issue. 

Yet.

Bella, knowing the law, should have been very grateful that she was left alive. Edward not being executed and she not being killed or forcibly turned on the spot... Aro had been very nice to them.

And again, in BD, he was very nice to them. Some people will inevitably say that he was weak in not killing them all. I mean, they stood beside Vladimir and Stefan! They have an army of wolves fundamentally opposed to vampires! Aro has lost Good Reputation Points by sparing the Cullens. He held as close to a trial as vampire society has ever had, and rightfully pronounced the Cullens innocent.

So shouldn’t Bella like him? He has spared her life and the lives of her loved ones more than one, and proven that he can be spoken to and conversed with properly and is willing to admit he was wrong. With Aro, we know it’s important to look more at what he does than what he says, and what he has done is be very kind to the Cullens (though who knows about the future?).

Yet Bella was creeped out by him when they met and interpreted him as a threat to Edward’s life. As she loves Edward, she’s always going to be of this mind, and first impressions are important.

Vampires are stuck with the mindsets they had when turned. An example of this is Esme, who was turned after her baby died and she tried to die too. She is permanently feeling maternal. She was turned only days after giving birth. Before knowing this, Bella even describes her as maternal and the mother of the family. Huilen also has a lot of care for Nahuel, being his aunt, because of her love for Pire, and while she was dying, Pire begged Huilen to raise him. Joham does not seem to have this parental love for his son and daughters; he never really knew Pire and was never affected by her love for Nahuel, and did not meet him until years after he was born. He’s only genetically a parent. He doesn’t have the protective mindset. When he was turned, he was a curious scientist (in fact, it was even why his creator turned him). He sees the world and people as things to study.

Anyway.

When Bella was turned, all she was thinking about was Renesmee. She begged Edward to get the baby out and didn’t care for her own life.

And she will be forever stuck in this high alert, must-protect-my-baby mode. Then for weeks as a newborn vampire, she was thinking of Aro as a threat and preparing to fight him. Compounding that, he was a threat to her daughter.

Both of these things will have had a significant effect on who she will have become after her newborn phase ended. It is impossible for Bella to ever like Aro now, even if she tried.

Her dislike of him, and willingness to fight against him, will be forever engrained in her brain.

This is dangerous.

Bella found the Romanians weird, but she didn’t dislike them per se. She would probably be willing to stand with them against the Volturi again.

We can take an educated guess and assume that sometime they will rise up again - and Bella might stand with them (though I highly doubt any of the other Cullens would).

Bella was not a problem for Aro until she stood beside Vladimir and Stefan. 

Here is this vampire who can block most of his coven’s gifts, stuck with an intense dislike of him, who he has seen with his own eyes stand with his enemies. He has every right to be nervous now. Her love for her mate is almost as strong as Marcus’s bond to Didyme - how strong is her bond to Renesmee? Likely more. Aro knows the threat in that. He knows that Bella may be viewing him in the way Marcus feels when he thinks of taking revenge on whoever killed Didyme.

Nobody wants the Romanians back in power. Those who lived under their reign and those who have heard first hand stories told to them all know very well that life under Vladimir would be horrible, brutal, awful for all beside his close coven members (though considering he had a very large coven that was often squabbling amongst itself, it was probably miserable for a lot of them too).

But Bella is young. She has no memory of the world before the Volturi, and knows no one with first hand experience of that world other than the Volturi. She will have heard that it was horrible, but she has no emotional or personal connection to the near-ancient past, and vampires who lived during that time are disappearing. No one lives forever.

Then, she is American. Like Garrett, she values freedom, and the Volturi are the only oppressive vampire force either of them has ever known. Despite them being the least oppressive in vampire history, Bella and Garrett haven’t experienced the alternative. They are a government that is at times harsh, is corrupt, and executes people. They go to war and they obliterate their enemies. Bella doesn’t see that the Volturi is the least bad government her world is ever going to get, and that they’ve granted her so much freedom. She is unable to see that because, in her youth, she has nothing to compare them against.

By standing against the Volturi, Bella isn’t just standing against Aro, Caius, and Marcus. She is standing against the peace they have brought between vampires, against humans living without fear, against modern civilisation itself. She stands a representative of the next world order, and Aro can sense it.

#bella swan #bella cullen #aro volturi #volturi #the volturi #the volturi coven #volturi coven #edward cullen #esme cullen #pire twilight #huilen twilight #nahuel twilight #Joham twilight #garrett twilight #irina twilight #Irina Denali #carlisle cullen #cullen family #cullen coven #THETWILIGHTSAGA #twilgihtsaga #twilightsagaedit #twilight renaissance #twilight revival #twilight renewal #twilight resurgance

[ao-21]

BARE WITH ME. This is going to be very long and I am writing this at midnight.

this is the first fic I have written and probably the only fic I will ever write, I needed to get this out of my system.

I have been thinking about this for a while and this is just basically gonna be the full back/life story of Will Solace that I headcannon.

So let's start at the beginning:

Naomi Solace mother of Will Solace as per the books is a country singer and it was said that she was a kind hearted person as was stated in the trails of apollo (I don't remember which book specifically, but it was stated). This is unfortunately all we know about her.

In my head- while the toa is happening(around 2012-2013)- Naomi is basically as famous as Beyoncé, Whitney, Brittany Spears molded together -and just as talented as amazing as them) and is basically a household name.

So as per my previous post when I did the timeliness of events for the series, let's say Will was born in 1995 which would make him 15 during the trials of Apollo (I know in my timeline post I said he would be 16 but I have decided to bump him done an age because of how old Nico would have been and people had a problem with him being so much older).

So in 1995 Will was born in early September maybe late August to keep in time the birthday the Fandom came up for him.

This means Naomi and Apollo would have met in November/December of 1994. At this point in time Naomi is 23 and and just released her third country album and it was a big hit and quite popular.

They met at a charity event were they both are going to perform on stage. When it is Naomi's turn to perform Apollo is totally blown away by how talented and amazing she is, and he has to met her. They met stuff happens blah blah blah and it ends in a onenightstand, and they never see each other again until after Will is born.

Naomi is the daughter of grandma Solace and Granpa Solace (I don't care enough to give them actually names and I will be referring to them as such) she is the middle child in a family of nine siblings, yes nine -this would make her child number 5- and she is very close to all her siblings but she is the closest to Anna(child number 4), as there is only 10 months age difference between them and their practically twins.

Anna Solace is a transgenger woman who came out to her family when she was 13 and was met with acceptance and love and support from her parents and siblings and was allowed to transition asap. She is ace/aro and perfectly happy being single and child free but she still spoils her neices and nefews and she is Wills godmother. She is a fashion designer and the ceo of a big company that is 100% vegan, animal cruelty free, and practices humain treatment towards all workers who are paid liveable wage of I don't know 20$ an hour(I don't know how money works in America) plus they all get free paid for health care for them and their families.

Grandma Solace is the only daughter of a family of 5 children. And because she was the only girl with 4 brothers in the early 1900s she was not given an education and she was basically mistreated by her brothers and her father. I'd like to say they had a poorish family and where underprivileged so they didn't really have much. Then came into their lives Grandpa Solace who came from a wealthy family (handsomely rich family) who would so to school with one of Gran Solaces brother and he basically fell head over heels in love with gran Solace the first time they met.

Grandpa Solace is the sole surving child of the Solace family as his sister died from offing herself and his identical twin brother, Andrew(this is important later) was murdered by a bunch of the guys from his school when they were 19 because Andrew was gay. And thus leaving Grandpa Solace the sole inheriter of the Solace family riches.

When gran and gramps got married and had kids they decided to raise all there kids to be accepting and kind toward all people regardless of their skill color sexuality and gender and be open and welcome to lgbtq+ people because Grandpa Solace saw how all the homophobia from his parents and the community had a negative affect on his twin brother and he didn't want his kids to live in pain and suffer the way his brother suffered.

Nine kids later and they have taught all there children to be accepting loving kind people, even though they had lived in Texas for basically ever.

Child 1- boy, born a year after his parents got married, never marries however he is a 'player' and has live five daughters all from different mothers the oldest being 23 during toa and the youngest 5. He is a history professor at Harvard University.

Child 2- a housewife with 3 kids however she is a lawyer but decided when her kids were born to be a stay-at-home-mom but she still works part time as a lawyer on the side. Married a man who would be your typical himbo dad

Child 3- gynecologist who specializes in helping transgender youth, she is the first practicing female gynecologist in America. Has 2 kids, a lesbian and lives with her girlfriend as gay marriage is not legal as yet.

Child 4- Anna Solace, transwoman, ace/aro, she was explained above.

Child 5- Naomi Solace, country singer, one kid, married- will be explained later in more detail.

Child 6- architect, married, 4 kids (a man)

Child 7- boy, dentist, lives with girlfriend one kid.

Child 8- studying to be a brain surgeon, unmarried, no kids, nonbinary

Child 9- Jonathan Solace, born in 1991, boy, he is gay, just started his first year of collage during toa, gas a boyfriend , no kids.

January 1995, Naomi finds out she is pregnant, goes all out and plans everything she is going to teach her child when they are born by making binders of everything from cooking and baking to how to drive to cleaning etc. Incase she dies when her child is young, they will be prepared for anything.

When she is five months pregnant, she met's this guy who is a British actor and like a cross between Chris Hemsworth, Ryan renalds, and just basically the perfect, most polite handsome man, manly because he is pansexual, and falls in love at first site when he met's her at an awards show and they become friends.(p.s. his name is Jeremy)

2 months after they met, and Naomi is 7 months pregnant, he asks her out on a date, and they later get married when Will is three.

When her pregnancy is announced to the fans,it's kinda implied that Jeremy is Wills father, and while he knows he is not, his name is on Wills birth Certificate and he was there when he was born, he treats Will as if he is his own child and he loves Will.

So august/september 1995, Naomi had a girl who she named AuroraSolace, but she did raise her child to know what transgender and nonbinary is so if her child wanted to be referred to by another name or different pronouns they knew it was okay.

So when aurora was 4 years old, she told her mom that she wants to be referred to as a boy and called another name Naomi and their whole family were supportive and welcoming about it, and he was thus named William Andrew Solace, after Naomis favorite poet William wordsworth and his grandfather's twin brother Andrew, as he was the first grandson of the family. ( I'm sorry if this doesn't really make sense, i hope you understand what I was trying to say,about this whole Will being trans, I didn't mean to offend anyone, or say something that was offensive as I am cisgender and do not actually know what it is like ,sorry)

So Will is transgender, and gay (I know another of people headcanon hom to be bi but I've seen so many relashinships where one was gay and the other was bi(and there's nothing wrong with that I myself am bi) but I've just seen too much of it that I just want two gay boys)

End of part 1 I'll finish part two later because I'm tired and I have a headache and it's like nearly 1 in the morning.

#will solace #william andrew solace #nico di angelo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #percy pjo #pjo #trials of apollo #solangelo #naomi solace #trans will solace #headcanon #heros of olympus #apollo #gay will solace #will Solaces backstory

[avengerscompound]

Small Gods: Spring Thaw - 2

Spring Thaw:  A Bucky Barnes Fanfic

Spring Thaw Masterlist | More Small Gods PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count:  2046

Warnings: nothing this chapter.

Synopsis: Bucky Barnes hates winter.  He always looks for the first signs of the ice thawing and new life growing.  When that desire for the end of winter brings to him the god of the spring thaw, he discovers a brand new reason to get through winter.

Chapter 2

Bucky arrived at the movies twenty minutes before he had arranged to meet you and then proceeded to mentally curse himself out the entire time because of how eager it made him look.  He was just considering leaving and coming back again so he could maybe come off as fashionably late when you appeared behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

He jumped and spun around, instantly going into fight mode, and when he saw your slightly bemused expression, he instantly relaxed.  You were wearing another warm winter coat that looked impossibly spring-like.  This one was sky blue with daisies printed on it as if they were polka dots.  Your hat, scarf, and gloves were in a darker shade of blue, and on the side of your beanie was a crochet daisy that matched the ones on your coat.  “Hey, you’re early,” he said.

“So are you,” you said.

Bucky smiled sheepishly and ran his hand through the back of his hair.  “Yeah.  It’s been a while and I didn’t want to be late.”  He held out a bouquet of different colored tulips for you.  “I got you these.”

“Oh my,” you said, taking them and inhaling deeply.  “These are so out of season.  They must have cost a fortune.”

Bucky shrugged.  The bouquet did cost significantly more money than when he’d last bought a girl flowers, but as that was in 1943, he didn’t think it was fair to compare.  “It wasn’t so bad.  And I knew you’d like them.”

You leaned up and kissed his cheek.  Another first for this new life he had.  It felt like a static shock and he flinched a little, and then hoped to god you didn’t notice because he wanted there to be more of that.  He wanted that kind of physical affection that had been withheld for so long.  “I love them,” you said.  “Thank you.”

Bucky turned back toward the cinema and then debated what his next move should be.  He had the tickets.  Did he offer you his arm or just start walking?  There were so many new rules about dating and he realized he didn’t know any of them.  Did you hold doors and pull out chairs anymore?  Who paid for things?

While he was thinking, you slipped your hand into his and pulled him toward the cinema.  “Come on, slowpoke,” you said.

The warmth from your skin seemed to radiate out from you so that he could feel it through both his and your gloves.

“Do we need to buy tickets?”  You asked when you entered the building.

“I’ve got them,” he said.

You took off your gloves and shoved them in your coat and looked up at him.  “Then let me buy the candy.”

“Now that hardly seems fair,” Bucky said.  “The tickets were cheap.  You’ll have to mortgage your house for candy.”

You snorted.  It was an adorable sound but you quickly covered your face in embarrassment.  “Oh my god,” you mumbled.

Bucky laughed and rubbed your arm.  “That was cute, don’t worry.”

You shook your head.  “I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that,” you said.  “So now I’m gonna buy candy so I can pretend it never happened.”

He chuckled and followed you to the counter as you bought popcorn, jolly ranchers, and a couple of sodas before the two of you headed into the theater.  It was strange how familiar it felt to be on a movie date.  Like muscle memory.  He sat down in the assigned seat and you put your coat on your lap with the popcorn sitting in his.  There was the awkward start where you aren’t sure if you should be touching or not - not that there was much choice in such a confined space.  There was an accidental hand touch when both of you went for popcorn at the same time.  Then you snuggled into him during the sappy parts and even though having you pressed against him felt alien to him.  It felt familiar and comfortable and he put his arm around your shoulders and held you in a casual way he hadn’t done to anyone since before he was sent off to war.

It was dark when you both came out of the theater with your arm tucked in the crook of his.  “Do you want to get a bite to eat?”  He asked.

“I would love it.  Just something simple though,” you said.

He nodded and the two of you began walking down the street together.  “Thank you for this, Bucky,” you said as the two of you walked along.  “I never do this.”

“I’m pretty out of practice too,” Bucky admitted.

“Why is that?”  You asked.  “You seem like a natural.  Not to mention - you’re very handsome.”

Bucky looked at you, once again not sure if you were being completely honest with him or not.  Not just about not recognizing him, but about any of it really.  Questioning his reality had become second nature.  He was used to being lied to and used.  He was used to things being taken from him.  “You really don’t know who I am?”  He asked.

You stopped walking, a little startled, and looked him up and down.  “I don’t meet too many people, I know we haven’t met.”

“No,” Bucky said, shaking his head.  “I’m the winter soldier?”

“Winter…?”  You said, furrowing your brow.  “You control winter?”

Bucky laughed.  “No.  What?”

“Oh,” you said, relaxing a little.  “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“Captain America’s friend?”  He asked, only to be met with the same look of confusion.  “The Avengers?”

“I’m so sorry,” you said.  “I don’t keep up with current popular culture.”

“You don’t know about the people disappearing and then the fight and them showing up five years later?”  Bucky asked.

“I mean… I know they all went away and came back, but I wasn’t…” you trailed off.

“Captain America?  Iron Man?  Thor?”

Finally, a glimmer of recognition reached your eyes and you smiled.  “You know Thor?”

“I mean, a little.  He’s a nice guy,” Bucky said.

“I know,” you said.  “He’s really funny.  Likes to fight a lot though.”

“Wait…” Bucky said.  “Do you know Thor?  Like you’ve met him?”

“Yes!  I’ve met him.  It was a long, long time ago,” you said, nodding enthusiastically.  “Are the gods… are we showing ourselves again?”

Bucky blinked at you.  “What do you mean ‘we’?”

You looked around and took his hand tugging him along.  “We should go somewhere to talk.”

He walked with you until you found a diner and the two of you ducked inside and slipped into a booth by the window.  You put your coat with your flowers beside you on the seat and neither of you said anything until the orders had been placed.

“It was easier back before,” you said as you began to play with the little tubs of half-and-half on the table.

“What was?”  Bucky asked.  “I don’t know what’s going on right now?”

“I’m a god, Bucky,” you said.

Bucky laughed.  He wasn’t even sure why because he knew a god.  He knew and had experienced far stranger things than gods.  But here, sitting in a diner with you, the thought just struck him as absurd.  “What?”

“Back before, when people were primitive and didn’t understand how things worked, we just walked with the mortals,” you said, answering a question he never asked as you looked out the window.  You turned your attention back to him and lay your palms flat on the table.  “I don’t know how to start the story.”

Bucky shook his head.  “The beginning?”

“That goes back to before I even was,” you said.  “And I don’t have all the story.  From what I understand, when the universe was born, the worlds were formed from a central point where all matter was one.  And then it exploded out in a mess of matter and energy.  Some of that energy you and I would call magic.  Some words, like Asgard and Olympus, were drenched in it…”

“Woah, hold up,” Bucky said.  “Olympus is real?”

“You’ve met Thor but you doubt the existence of the Greek Gods?”  You asked with your eyebrow raised.

“Right, okay,” Bucky said.  “Go on.”

“The magic on Earth is weaker and so the gods here are also weaker.  We came to be when people pray for us, even if that’s just a muttered hope, like “oh god let me pass this test,” you explained.

“So you’re telling me that there might be a god for the red light changing?”  Bucky asked.

You nodded.  “Oh yeah, they’re doing quite well for themselves.”

“That's…”  Bucky said and shook his head as he tried to absorb it.  “Not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard,” he settled on.  “So what are you?”

“The spring thaw,” you said.

“What?  Like Persephone?”  Bucky asked.

“Well, no,” you said.  “For starters, she lives on Olympus and she’s way more powerful than I am.  And she covers all over Spring.  I’m just the part where the ice melts.  I was way stronger back before industrial farming.  People prayed to see the ice receding.  Now, it still happens but not with as much need.  Oh and also, when Persephone isn’t doing her thing, she has somewhere she goes.”

“What?  What does that mean?”  Bucky asked.  “Where do you go?”

You shrug. “I’m just not.”

“Not what?”

“Not anything,” you said.  “I’m here when people start wishing for the end of winter, and I’m gone when they stop.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and nodded.  “Would you believe me if I said I know how that feels?”

“Really?”  You asked.  “How?”

The waiter came over and placed their orders in front of them.  Bucky took a drink of his black coffee and wished it was something a little harder.  Not that alcohol would actually do anything.  “I guess I better start from the beginning too.”

As the two of you ate your meals, Bucky unloaded everything.  From when he was born, to going to war, to being captured by HYDRA and experimented on, not just once but twice.  About how they brainwashed him and had him commit unspeakable acts, and when they weren’t getting him to do these heinous things, they would freeze him, so that every time he woke he had no idea who he was or where he was or even what year it was.  How he’d broken out of it and had to adjust to life on the run 60 years after the last time he had control of his body.  How that had ended up going to shit and he’d opted to go on ice again because even that was better than living with what he had in his head.  How they managed to get HYDRA out and he was just settling into life again when Thanos happened and he’d just stopped existing.

The food was gone by the time he was done with the story and he was on his third cup of coffee.  He’d worry about staying up, but the caffeine would pass out of his system soon enough and besides, he didn’t sleep that great anyway.

You had listened intently, never interrupting, but the expression on your face told him how horrified and sad the story made you.  “... and then the Avengers stopped being a thing and I tried to cancel out some of my bad with a friend and then I moved here.”

You reached over and took his hand.  “I’m so sorry all that happened to you,” you said earnestly.  “And I can see why we were drawn to each other.”

“Why is that?”  Bucky asked.

“I bet you aren’t a big fan of the cold, huh?”  You asked.

He smiled and shook his head.  “No, you could say that.”

“Were you hoping for some sign of the thaw?”  You asked.  He smiled and nodded.  “And there I was.  I probably felt it too.”

“I’m glad you did,” he said.

“I’d like to see you again,” you said.  “Would that be alright?”

“How will that work if you’re only going to be here for such a short time?”  Bucky asked.

“Well,” you said thoughtfully. “I guess we’ll have to enjoy the brief time we have?”

// NEXT

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #small gods #spring thaw

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Okay, so you said I could send an ask for headcanons about the childhoods of some specific merc(s)... I think I would really like to read your headcanons about Soldier’s and Engineer’s childhood :)

Thanks in advance and I hope your well.

Ooooh…I’ve been waiting for this! And thank you for being specific and not just saying “the rest of them.” Sometimes I get overwhelmed with nine specific mercs to write for. Your specifics are much appreciated.

****************

Soldier:

Soldier doesn’t talk very much about his childhood - whether it’s because something happened or he just doesn’t remember it, no one can tell. It’s nowhere in his file, either…he refused to do anything except tell fantastic tales of a fictional youth.

However, in a rare streak of almost lucidity, he spouted off the entirety of his younger years, much to the team’s surprise. Usually, if anyone asked directly, he changed the subject.

But now he described everything in vivid detail. And, with a bit of research from Miss Pauling, everything fell into place.

Apparently he had been born in a small military town in Georgia. His father was overseas, leaving he and his mother alone in their small yellow house.

In order to make ends meet, his mother worked at a nearby factory, mostly leaving Soldier to fend for himself and the house.

“Can you be a big, strong soldier like daddy for me?”

Soldier would always agree, finding his own food, his own entertainment, and his own friends. No matter what happened, he never bothered his mom. If anything, his job was to protect her.

That’s why, when his stomach started hurting and his arms and legs ached, he said nothing about it.

When he forgot the chores he was supposed to do and even the names of his friends, he didn’t bring it up.

When he felt tired all the time and some days could barely get out of bed, he just chalked it up to laziness like his mother did.

It turns out the factory they were next to was polluting the water next to the house with dangerous amounts of lead, which soon overcame Soldier’s immune system of steel.

He could barely remember anything anymore, and he became more and more distraught every day. Sometimes he would forget where he was and run outside, then get lost in the woods, only coming back once he remembered where he was supposed to be.

Soldier began to wear one of his father’s old helmets after his mom commented on his red eyes and the dark circles around them. He didn’t want to worry her. Besides, it helped bring back a few memories if he ever got lost again.

Finally, it got to the point where he didn’t even remember his mother, or his promise to her. He began to wander farther and farther away from home.

One day, he didn’t come back at all.

Out in the world with not a single memory to his name, Soldier wandered far and wide. He usually slept in barns and old, abandoned houses, cut off from most people.

Occasionally, he would find a family that wanted to “raise him as their own,” only to turn him away after finding him too difficult to care for.

He had frequent nightmares, ate little due to his unresolved stomach issues, and could barely walk ten feet without forgetting where he was going.

If he accidentally wandered into the same house twice, he would be chased out with either a broom or a gun - usually the latter.

He became “the demon child” in some counties, and “g*psy kid” in others, due to his long, unkempt hair, hidden eyes, and odd habits.

It even got to the point where Soldier couldn’t sleep on anyone’s property because he would be actively fought off like a wolf or a bear.

His only pleasure was an old movie theater that, as he recovered from his lead poisoning, remembered the location of and frequently snuck into.

The only thing that played were romance movies - which, like many children, Soldier hated - and war movies, which he watched over and over again with starving eyes.

Because of these movies, a single memory from his mother’s house came to him. A woman, tall and muscular from hard labor, giving him a shiny badge to hold, asking him to be a strong soldier like his father.

And thus began his life-long dream of becoming a military officer.

He trained according to what he knew from the films…which was mostly running, doing jumping jacks, and occasionally rolling around in the mud.

This only served to distance him further from his fellow human beings, but he didn’t care. Soldier had a mission, and he was going to do it well.

But the biggest change was his hair.

He had started cutting it off with sharpened rocks, but he was always saving up coins he found for a “proper army cut.”

Finally, he had quite the collection in a dirty mason jar, and marched into the barber shop in his town to ask for a haircut.

The manager was appalled, and at first refused, but Soldier stood his ground.

“Civilian, I’ll have you know that by denying a soldier with a haircut, you are denying America one of its best fighters! I can’t curdle the enemy’s blood looking like a hippie!”

After a short yelling match that, of course, Soldier won, the manager decided it would be in his best interest to comply.

He walked out of that shop with no hair on his head, but a huge grin on his face. Next stop, the ranks.

Soldier went from draft office to draft office, applying for and being denied entrance to the army for his obvious lack of mental stability.

This is when the personal retelling ended, since Soldier became very upset by the memory of his recruitment failures, but Miss Pauling concluded that he just bounced from state to state until Mann Co. found him, quote, “sitting in an alleyway, eating army draft paperwork while sobbing uncontrollably.”

Engineer:

Engineer also never really talks about his childhood, but both Medic and Spy (Spy knows everything about everyone on the team) know that’s for a good reason.

He grew up in a trailer community near an almost ghost town in Texas.

His father was an abusive car mechanic with a mean streak a mile wide and a shop full of failed inventions. His mother wasn’t any better - she was bitter and reclusive, only really coming out of her room to pick a fight with her husband.

However, what Engie lacked in family, he more than made up for in friends.

He had a rag-tag, Rugrats-esque team of pals from all walks of life: Rhapsody, the daughter of a struggling porn star; Tom, the son of two farmers wiped out by blight; Cici, an adopted girl that could barely walk into her trailer without a black eye and a string of slurs; Quinn, the nervous child of a single mother that serves as guidance to the other kids; And Fred, who didn’t seem to have any family, but had become a greaser big brother to all of them.

Together, they explored the desert near the trailer park, pooled their resources to feed and support each other, and used their individual strengths to get through each day.

Engineer, whom everyone affectionately called “Big Dell,” snuck parts from his dad’s workshop for his own creations.

By the time he was twelve, he could make a small, running engine for the soapbox cars his friends frequently raced.

No toy, piece of clothing, glasses, or tool was out of his line of expertise.

One day, though, upon finding that some of his parts were missing, Engineer’s dad gave him a terrible beating that broke a few of his fingers and left a huge gash near his eye.

Since then, he refused to fix, make, or even touch a tool.

He wouldn’t tell anyone what happened, but they could make a pretty good guess, since they knew where the scraps and parts had come from.

The whole group was furious with Engineer’s dad - their Big Dell was funny, smart, and was more loving than every family member they had combined. Even Quinn was red in the face.

They wanted to break into his dad’s workshop and destroy all of his inventions, just to teach him a lesson, but they knew Engineer would take the fall for it.

Instead, they rummaged through trash cans, searched their toy chests, and looked under their trailers to find things Engineer could use.

They waited until his birthday to unveil the massive pile of supplies they had stowed away.

Engineer immediately dropped to his knees and began to cry, and everyone else dogpiled him for a huge hug.

As the creme de la creme, they gave him a pair of welding goggles - the same welding goggles he wears to this day, having modified them so they still fit his growing body.

With his healed fingers and renewed spirit, he made each of them a gift: a toy car for Rhapsody, a skull ring for Fred, a full set of candle wax crayons for Cici, a chewable necklace for Quinn so they wouldn’t chew on their collar, and a mini-planter for Tom.

But Engineer was given the greatest gift - confidence in his own abilities and that he can be and was appreciated for more than his services.

This gave him the drive to build bigger and better things, which his friends happily assisted in creating.

Engie’s best memories are with that motley crew of scrawny, beaten-up kids.

But, as he became a teenager, the abuse grew worse by the day.

He was often kept in his dad’s garage to fix cars in sweltering heat and with nothing to show for his work except threats of what would happen if a customer complained.

His mother finally grew bitter enough to pick on him, wondering aloud and pointedly if she had made a mistake by having him, then immediately contradict herself by wailing in his arms about how she’s the most awful mother in the world, and how she would be gone soon, and then nobody would have to deal with her anymore.

Engie grew more and more distant from his friends as they either moved out, ran away, or, in Rhapsody’s case, died.

He thought of just shutting the garage door and turning on a car a couple times, but he would always return to his memories of the hidden cave of goodies his friends had collected or the many inventions they had helped him build.

It just wasn’t worth it.

On a night when his depression and self-doubt was especially bad, he decided to build a personal invention for the first time in years - a small, robotic chicken made out of bent gears and empty oil cans.

He worked on it for a few weeks, but made the mistake of leaving it on a work table once it was finished.

Engie came to work the next morning with his dad ready to chew him out. But, before any finger could be lifted against his son, he was interrupted by a sweet older couple that was having their tires replaced.

“Now, Ethan, ain’t that just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life?”

“Hm?”

“That there chicken statue over there! It looks like it could very well get up and start peckin’ for worms, don’tcha think?”

Engie looked at the couple, then at his dad, then at his chicken. He slowly lifted it from the table and turned the key.

It started to slowly lean forward, then took a few steps on it’s long, spring-loaded legs. The neck went down, and the chicken’s rusty beak began to scrape at the pavement.

Now he had the husband’s attention.

“Didja build that yourself, son, or did your daddy help ya?”

Engineer looked at his dad for a split second before answering.

“My own sweat ‘n blood, sir. My daddy says I should stop wastin’ time on ugly thing-a-ma-jigs an’ put my hands to somethin’ worth doin’.”

The man smiled. “Well, this ‘ugly thing-a-ma-jig’ shows real skill. We could use somebody like you, once we train you up a bit.”

“Now hold on a damn - !” his father interjected, but was silenced with a cold stare.

“We’ll put ya through a state-of-the-art school, then put ya straight inta the work force. You can build whatever you like…and you’ll have a lot better materials than rusty tin. Whaddaya say, son?”

Engineer just nodded, and the man grabbed his hand and shook it.

“We’ll keep in touch.”

Engineer left that trailer park at age seventeen, leaving his fuming father and drunken mother behind.

He only stopped to visit Rhapsody’s grave before embarking on his new life.

There is still a stone plate with a message carved into it next to the headstone. If you brush off the leaves and dig out the moss, you can see Engie’s parting words:

“A friendship with you and the rest of the gang is the greatest thing I ever built. -Big Dell”

#tf2 #tf2 fandom #tf2 ask blog #tf2 headcanon #tf2 headcanons #tf2 engineer #engineer tf2 #tf2 solly #send asks #ask blog #headcanon requests #lovely anon #thanks anon #thanks for the ask

[renatedagmarmilada]

another revue of sorts

…

OBAMA OR WHAT?

 I fear we settled on the wrong shores

gave our best to the wrong stores

did our chores with the worst lot

who brought us nothing but rot

 Eldest son Shaun

(won't tell you of me

how I put down my head in shame

when as a girl the Head of my C of E-

having given out the honours of that year

added: and even our foreign girl

got distinctions, one in English)

He was jumped upon

by a whole class, seriously

when a little Junior lad

broke his bone

cause he's like a wop

means he tans easily

and to those who don't know

a wop is an Eitei!

 then when he grew

with his ten GCE's clutched

wished a place in the Airforce

-this comes from me

the Women's Junior Air Corp

trained me too

-we love aviation-

where I was much liked

till I decided it was not on

to pray for strangers

but not to pray for my own

 I'll give them this

the Royal Air Force

were honest with him

 lad- they gruffly said

you and your family

all bright as buttons

but you know

your name is not only Irish

great-grandfather was from Mayo

and your mother

woe be me

from behind the Iron Curtain

Hunnish refugee

'but, we had been ejected

they had not wanted us!'

 honest though the officer was

so we listened

go Civilian and so he did

and never regretted

forty over now

an American company is his employ

leads a good and fulfilling life

 but now the youngest son too

has got a full hundred minus one at Uni

 are we still from behind the Iron Curtain

or has the curtain moved?

has their great grandfather

and his old lady

barmaid from Dublin

retained their former status

or are they now friends of this Kingdom?

Three generations I was told today

before you can be cleared to climb

and then, well expect complications..

 settled? You're all wrong what ever you assume

they use us for Experiments illegal now

 which they normally use on Down's Syndrome

but how can we complain

we were with her Ladyship

the dear Princess

-just don't let me hear a word said against her-

she was on the same programme

a programme with no safety net

(So why has the lab raised all those lab pakis?)

so off to China I am off again

 so I conclude we chose the wrong place

then I learnt this amazing revelation

 Obama was not even BORN in America

I am still in shock -

 ANOTHER REVUE

 they never break the law

they never have scandals

they never do anything wrong

 this is how it is done

microsound this morning:

(microsound is sound cut into pieces

and replaced by what is on the computer

-see BBC broadcast some ten years ago)

the microsound was supposed to send her mad

we wanted to get her into hospital

then we were going to walk around

talking talking talking

-wasn't supposed to write it all up-

so we have to pinch it from her house

 follow normal procedures

but in secret

no we do not open parcels#

(giggle - normally!)

 'I will be pleased when you are gone'

off to China again?

I don't think that is part of the same bumph

 'and remember all of you'

added lab Anna from St Barths

and I quote here:

'you all owe me till you die

 time for another revue

revues are necessary to keep bashing

 we have your history

means a whole range of lies

says lab Anna from St Barths

I'm off to see the Ministry

(for a bit of gymnastics and sport mayhap?)

sort it out

play as much as you want

 it is ok

totally destroying the rule of law

is perfectly ok

as long as no one can catch you..

 once coming home from late nursing shift

at London's Newham Hospital

I picked up my phone at Plashet Road

my daughter chatting

over which a voice said

'and what if she dies

she dies that is all..

who is going to care

no one can prove anything..'

and I won't tell you of what they got up to

at that hospital

They say hospitals are their play ground

I had thought it was the Ministry!

 'watch your back from friends

that is whom we are using..'

we wrote the report the lab are using

to spread around the world

doing what is outlawed everywhere-

you don't understand

like this:

anti-social means the same as

keeping your own council

and never gossiping about people

Iffy is an expert at it..'

 Iffy was a little boy from a Pakistani family

friends who lived two doors away

(they give themselves names)

so I presume an asian at the lab

 pressed my sternum at night and hyped B.P

milder than recently though

 ''The-we want you dead group-

are still here don't forget..

 'watch her cash flow

doesn't spend

make everything ten times more expensive for her

and cause all sorts of problems

dirty tricks boys get going..'

 'as she ever pinched anything at all

anything, the smallest thing...

(when lab Anna was young she did)

we could put things in her cupboards

If we are caught out

we could say they are replacements

for those things we had taken'

 'ou are an enemy of the State

(I am always teaching interesting stuff about the Isle)

ok you are an enemy of lab Anna

which amounts to the same

especially now that the connection

between you and Tony Banks and others

has been realised

but they won' say anything...'

 ''YOu all owe me for the rest of your lives don't forget!"

we have to break the respect they have for her

as a teacher..

say, it is no good

she won't conform

say she has experience

but lacks experience

say that she...

 pick up something, anything

which happened once

blow it out of all proportion

change the perspective

add a few lies

 you have just got to make her spend

once she is totally dependant on our hand outs.........

 it is all legal

we have just had another revue

we have a revue regularly

to talk about your case

we are not illegal

we told you on microsound

you have had your revue

prove it

 we told the Parliament people

we were supporting you through this experiment

the microsound telling you after the event

is the support

no way for you to ever prove it..

 it is all legal really

and the information from the simulations

deaths, slaughters, torture and maiming

sits in the computer

it is actually useless stuff

but they pay us good money

we all pay good taxes to keep it all going

it is all legal!

 PEA GREEN AND PURPLE

 no one asked if they could film us constantly

day and night

night and day

 no one asked if they could beam us constantly

day and night

night and day

 no one asked from New  York

the sister company of London

Behavioural science

if they could do anything at all to us

 they did it to us

and to anyone whom they could get

never telling anyone

 said the jewess at New  York

sister company of London

(why do all jews work at the mental experimentation places)

 and now you know who taught the Nazis

in their experimental camps

the tricks they got up to

amongst the ordinary population

the same system

which ran the experimental camps then

 she said:

I wouldn't have thought of using pea green with deep purple

like she does lots of the time

as we watch her daily

painting the night away

and the days at Sheffield Art College

that is worth copying

by our New York designers

who no doubt were also all jewish

 do you know

we had lost everything to save jews

I am a bit miffed

but they copied it all

and the rest..........

and the rest........

and the rest....

 well well well....

 WHO HAS BLOCKED YOU

 there won't even be chastisement

for the lab St Barths behavioural science

it came from above this slaughter

 all the people killed

all those maimed

all those destroyed

 by the whim of a rogue lab

I told it simply enough

held silence till I was sure

 the answer

no one will find out

maybe a long time in the future

 it came from above

she must have done something--

that's me who is the she

 one can't help wondering

why God made some people so naive

but then we have to be of every spectre, I suppose

 --no, have you ever heard of vulnerable

and useful for a purpose

because they can't be heard, can't fight

 what she can do, said the Tory, proof?

can be taken and destroyed

there won't even be chastisement

 the troublesome ones at the top are dead

cover all the straight rub them outs

then cover the covers

 those given good positions without education

will intime make mistakes

then there will be more chaos

 watching a porn film made up

and writing about your own sex life

is not a profession

 and slowly the sun which sank over the Empire

will sink over the grey rock

as the water eats its shores

 and you would have thought the Germans had learnt

to keep their noses clean at last

there is a simple word, NO...this is corrupt though seems legal.

 FRANCENE AND THE BOOK CLUB

 Francene is a Scotts lass

she likes the fellas and a laugh

her laugh is disliked by the bossess

at the lab where she has been brought to heights

St Barths Behavioural Science

 she was brought to heights

because Francene was happy to copy

to use up my work on their blasted machine

which has on it my whole life

and every word I ever writ or drew

 all who copy the work

are brought to heights by the lab

as their students had copied the work

as their own thesis stuff

and then the lab made out

that american students had copied for their thesis

so they needed the americans to help clear them

 The lab operatives, wives and such of the quacks

that is the qualification, or to be jewish

were sending my Uni work and creative

from Art College and Literature degree

to Cosmopolitan as their own work

under their own name

Imagine Women's World

printing Hungarian refugee stories

changed to Jewish refugee stories

printed in major magazines in England

and they all wonder why the Iranians doubt...

 so their system guy

which New York sister lab said was the most evil

in all of the States came up with a plan

to destroy me and us

sad really as he was a jew as were New York

and my family had lost everything

and faced concentration camp each day

to feed jews and keep them alive

(I almost feel I should pray for him poor beggar

though he thinks he has everything

loyalty is greater than power or money)

 the bossess didn't like Francene

so put her in charge of another nest of evil

and Francene wrote my work

and got concerned that she didn't even have a GCSE

(I got English a-star in my GCE)

under the lab bossess's instructions

(can you imagine

all that scottish history

and she writes about an elderly east european

refugee from transit and refugee camps!

me, I would want to write about my own problems)

 The bossess pushes her protegees work very hard

like Christopher the Oxford gran she fancied as a toy boy

she gave four books

packaged and sold to

I almost laugh when I imagine the Oxford Dons reading

and passing high comments about my work in disguise

and Francene, though she wa common as muck she said

she pushed very hard too

 Nicely presented said the book club

well it would be, with the best in the land presenting it

(I know it is all that woman's work

but it doesn't matter)

so now the book club sells my work in disguise

for Francene who's laugh we have all heard

 and Francene said to Anna of the lab

I think I prefer a career to writing that woman's books

(I think she thinks it will be discovered one day)

please can you 'career forward' me

 we never knew how corrupt England was

studied the Letter A at Degree level

seen endless films about them

spoke of why they fled to the new world

but had no idea

nothing has changed

they use their subcontinent slaveys to do the dirty work

and gather all in for themselves

corrupt old devils at that Ministry!

 what is a bit of a shock

is that such low life

gets such professional situations

that is something we didn't know...

 I have always been polite at public offices

never one to insult or be impatient

never again

I sit there laughing at them now

sneeringly!

con merchants

the lot of them over here.

 PRAYER AT LAHORE

 living at Jihad Headquarters

no problem

they don't know what two sided snakes

some of theirs are over here

playing both sides and the middle

for big money against their own people

watching their own people even in bed

giving them simulated illnesses remote

on screens for the Ministry's lab

at that time

neither did I

Lab-Pakistani Big Brother is watching you too

brother!

 fleeing from big brother at the Ministry

-still thinking in the British way

back then with problems-

and the lab St Barths put over

the Queen adviced clear off to there

as had always been the case in this country

and I even wrote to Buckingham Palace

 but then the Palace promised no more rape

and they didn't keep to their promise at all

 We both believe in a God

it is just the Church of England

which receives its pay from the State

which is a worry

this political wasp unwanted

as it is a State organisation from another country

differentiation the media never bothers to declare

 invited to Sunday lunch

it was time for Mass

lunch was dropped

and all the guest perturbed

rush her over to the Cathedral

 got lost on the bus

thought I'd try a new route

walked and walked

getting nowhere

saw the Punjab Reclamation Centre

ah......all at work

at the desk a group of workers

take me to your leader

I declared with heat

the little devil walking me up the stairs

kept trying to get hold of my arm

sliding his hand onto my chest

 got to the room of the boss

a lady in green sitting on a stage

behind a huge desk

below a fair way on chairs

four young men taking notes

 could you help me please

I need to get to prayer

no one knows where

but we will try to get you there

 get out the motor scooter

WHAT-- I am well over half a centuary old

perched on the back

we flew through the city

promptly got lost

passed the police man at the corner

who used to laugh each morning

as I tried to cross the road to the Uni

he waved the traffic on as I was half way across

devil...

 now these subcontinent ladies

knew how to keep their scarves on their head not as a flag

navy chiffon scarf flying six foot behind me

and again as we got more lost

till the policeman bent double laughing

and we finally found the Cathedral

 but best Mass of all was Tuesday night

which was the Urdu Mass

bongo drums and all

most amazing music

Cathedral filled beyond the doors

I am sure the lady next to me is saying Muslim prayers

I've lived with them, rich and poor and know

then at the end

I discover why

a bag of rice and a loaf of bread

just like the Sermon on the Mount

for every one who attended.......

 and a smile for me

when I come with the kids

to the Mosque

 life and people are fun everywhere

Governments are a pain.

 ALL IN A BASKET

 Little Mary

whose dad had a big business

came from some where in the hinterland

China is huge

her friend was a lovely Mongolian girl

who clung to me

 little Mary knew she was Christian

but later told me

I don't think I am one of your type

the missionary told my gran

one lot believe God is a woman called Mary

but our lot believe God is a man

I suspect she was some form of Protestant

 She believed I was a- one who called God a woman

well, a bit of woman worship is a good thing too-

never the less she was one of my groupies

sharp little madam she was too

but got jealous when the Mongolian girl

also became a groupie

The missionaries left impressions

but where not trained teachers

so a lot of them over there

are more confused than ever

but cling to single items

 like my top Monitor

at the previous State Uni I taught at

knew his granny had a Bible

but didn't know anymore than that

I took him to Mass

but he found it to complicated

 Chinese Priests yell like billy-ho

even my friend-Priests

and lay down the law rather strictly

just like when I was a kid in Bavaria

though their congregation attends well

well it was a German Protectorate

and the old Priest still speaks fluent German-

all sorts of people have come to Church with me

all over the place

then the Church frightens them away..

 -very like a Rabbi I knew

at a Synagogue where I had been

who would yell constantly

angrily at his congregation

Why? I had to ask one day, so you yell so

because they are such bad bu**ers I was told!

 I had to smile

when visiting St  Petersburg at a dinner

I pointed to a lovely barometer

German said the hostess proudly

brought by my grandfather from the Black Forest

but you know the purges

nearly everyone is part german here

but we all had to burn or destroy all our past

but I managed to save that

 after a while a little group of girls gathered

most of them LOVE religion out there

and I always have them discuss and debate

the Ten Commandments in class

as all law is based on them

and they need to understand them

then they talk about what they believe

including the young men who strongly announce

'I believe in myself only..'

there are also refugee tales I could tell them to that

but I desist..

 Take us to Church Miss they begged

so one Sunday morning we set off

one half hours on the bus into the city

one hour on the bus to the right place

lost a time or two

finally we got there

the English Mass had finished

stay I told my girls

another is about to begin

 no one understood the language

another large catholic community

very beautiful singing but different order

Mary didn't understand it either

(she felt herself to be an authority on these things)

and all the girls followed us two

finally methought

that must be Communion

come Mary I said

all the girls followed into the line

(you can never tell them at first

it is only for catholics)

 a basket with a lacy cloth over it

I dipped my hand in

thinking how every catholic in the world also..

and fetched out... an RMB

a chinese coin

being watched curiously

too late,

Mary was already dipping in

bringing out a coin

the girls were in a line behind

we had to get the girls back

and returned to their seats

as some of them might not

relinquish their coins so easily

 and I am not talking

of the time

we went to Mass at St Bernadettes

and toddler Jonathan dropped the plate

and one year older Ryan thought wey hey

all those pennies and silver

and started filling his pockets

Big Sister and Big Brother Shaun

embarrassed turned away

so there I was unfilling the little pockets

back into the plate

got it all I hope

 The girls did not understand at all

and decided it was a lot of nothing

but getting money was a jolly good thing

we didn't tell them they were supposed to give

but the congregants

where ever it was

they had all come from

living presently in Beijing

giggled under their hankies

 I never did manage to explain

but have had many laughs

in many places and countries

over many mishaps

and people are always wonderful..

 WHERE TO NEXT

 disastrous war

might as well develop south-america now

 it'll be a free for all

at first the whites skills will dominate

 then it'll be an Indian and black overturn

there are only seventeen per cent of us in the world

 but that's where to put your money now

The chinese are already viewing

 they have a lovely saying:

where ever the americans don't go

 we go....what about starting with Patagonia

no wonder Thatcher hung onto the Falklands..

 but that woman loved her country what ever she was

unlike some who have followed her!

 say that lot, the english are awful, really horrible

we prefer the germans, they keep their noses to themselves

 just what the Africans said, most of our lot

are heading back east once we have the money

 we don't really reckon YOUR style democracy at all

and the Isle population-stress and weather stinks.

 CHINA QUOTE

''tell them to cool the thing

about China

 and about Tibet

they are all telling the same story

 absolutely identical-

it's become like the german thing

 but they show  marks on their bodies

yes, well, those also can be got''

 was the quote which was interesting

and why I like the americans

 you can befuddle them for a while

then common sense takes over

 delete delete delete orders St Barths from the machine

I don't keep secrets, that is how wars are made!

 and last night cleverly said on tv

makes you think at times

 we have five times your population

(five?) and ten times less crime in China!

 so which system works and as for me

I don't believe in democracy anymore at all

 I listen to crimes in Tibet and make no excuses

but sit here going through unbelieveable pain

 with no where to complain

knowing what else this lab have done to innocent people

 I know all the reasons and shortcomings

bothwestern and of the East

 the chinese 'do' criminals according to their law

whilst over here we 'do' the most innocent by remote-

 begging is not permitted in China

at times a blind eye is turned

 they are supposed to be in the appropriate place

even at my local Catholic Church at my first city of teaching

 one only sat outside, a catholic who then joined into Mass

there were two thousand catholics in that city

 and many other churches and temples sign posted

mainline Churches are not frowned upon

 Catholics have good Posts if law abiding

I was delivered to and from Church by catholic friends

 in one of those big black cars which seemed quite fun

and yes, back way back then, they closed the nunneries

 this is why, the population not fed, starving, births needed control

good or bad, emergency measures were in force

 the law says you may worship what or whom you please

but you should NOT coerce anyone else

 I have always been given Sundays off in China

have always been respected for my Beliefs or what ever

 work round the system, teaching Christmas Day

pupils bring food and films, party time

 can't have Good Friday off

all pupils in the class come to Church to study architecture

 there are a dozen and one easy ways round every 'problem'

which cause no one any pain

 my only agro is those who yell they are Christian

to get a free passage to the West, annoying blighters

 in Muslim countries too, follow laws but stand firm to your rules

why fly a red rag at a bull, use a white flag if it is more productive

 by the same token when Muslims here shout at me

about how the Bible and literature are linked so need to be learnt

 my short answer is, you decided to come here

we did not force you to come, you have to live in our Culture

 o.k. I try never to take sides as ALL parts have good and bad

democracy means: not what you think it means-

 it is merely better bureacracy to cover all ill doings!

the rest the chinese are working at, and others try to work at

 that nice bit for the rest of the population who abide

and 'who are the north Americans

 who claim they have just taken all her work?

oh, more jews..,'

 You will find, said the lab, that the jews are into taking

from Huns who helped them live through Hitler!

 CAREER FOR FRIENDS OF THE LAB

  alyson needed a career

she was a dud painter

painted all my stuff for the lab

wrote all my stuff for the lab

but had no qualifications what so ever

 she needed raising

the lab St Barths Behavoural Science

raises all friends and all those whom it uses

who use my work automatic passes

or use a prgramme of abuse and theft

which uses me as its centre

 Now why three days ago

did someone suddenly press my lungs so hard

that even I was in severe pain beyond bearing

and then during the night pressed my skull so hard

that it hurt all day

the quack Miller usually used to do that

bashed my skull to shreds

especially during lessons

daddy of Fay who intoned

my daddy works with the retarded

after they had given her all my work

with guarantees to sell

(why do all jews want to be painters and writers

and copy Hungarians work as theirs?)

and the lab laughed

and added

and usually kills them..

 It's ok, we put on the file

which spins and spins

not the old M.P. is the child molester

it all goes on her file

everyone's misdeeds

so all our sadistic killers have an excuse

we are each one of us

supposed to destroy every part of your life

your health, family, work and everything

 and it has continued ..

for the others, maimed, dead and the rest -

their thieves continue to rob the house endlessly

the up to the total limit pain each has to produce

on the machine of death

then slowly they have to dacker it down

and I am supposed to believe

or make others believe it was 'just pain'

though they use us for their experiments

and the microsound goes endlessly

 'Kill her dead, three or four women could lose their jobs

we have to destroy her reputation everywhere

in education too, that is in hand,

however professional she is

we do it by tuning people

but they don't know about that technique yet

the americans kept it secret

she-victim only guessed because she thinks

and mother was an interpreter for the russian von-Braun

they keep their eyes and ears open

whilst talking about the food at Marks and Spencers

we don't tell governments what we are doing

and we call that 'challenging her' (me)

her grandfather came from a small market town in Hungary

force her back there and then push her down further...

 Alyson is no better than I am says lab Anna

-oh well birds of a feather

Can I work with you she wanted to know

-No, this works only because I move everyone around

I qualify the unqualifyable

they get a professional qualification

then I move them to a good post

then they are lost in the system

Let the copers sort it out

except they can't

cause they don't know the technology

and the lab England's political police

uses them too!

 We have already understood

lab Anna will lie on the stand

and tell all others what to lie

 My God, I didn't know it was developed so far

the clever americans who gave it to the worst criminals

who have added their own blend of sadism to it

what a shame

The Time - Watch people will discover in time

they WILL find out one day

just keep telling the truth

though we know you say very little of what you know

how ever much they ridicule you

how ever much the lab destroys all your hard work

how ever much they destroy your successes

 pressing heart badly now

my computer is tied to theirs at the lab

and I am on screen

all I say and do is seen

microsound

I wanted to give you a heart attack or collapsed lungs

and put you into hospital

it says you signed for it

 you fool, added lab Anna

it is not a proper form...keep that out of it

pressing lungs badly now

and I have to teach the rest of the day

 until someone tumbles on us

we will carry on destroying, using, destroying using

destroying, using, destroying, using..

  THE AMERICANS

 alyson needed a career

she was a dud painter

painted all my stuff for the lab

wrote all my stuff for the lab

but had no qualifications what so ever

 she needed raising

the lab St Barths Behavoural Science

raises all friends and all those whom it uses

who use my work automatic passes

or use a prgramme of abuse and theft

which uses me as its centre

 Now why three days ago

did someone suddenly press my lungs so hard

that even I was in severe pain beyond bearing

and then during the night pressed my skull so hard

that it hurt all day

the quack Miller usually used to do that

bashed my skull to shreds

especially during lessons

daddy of Fay who intoned

my daddy works with the retarded

after they had given her all my work

with guarantees to sell

(why do all jews want to be painters and writers

and copy Hungarians work as theirs?)

and the lab laughed

and added

and usually kills them..

 It's ok, we put on the file

which spins and spins

not the old M.P. is the child molester

it all goes on her file

everyone's misdeeds

so all our sadistic killers have an excuse

we are each one of us

supposed to destroy every part of your life

your health, family, work and everything

 and it has continued ..

for the others, maimed, dead and the rest -

their thieves continue to rob the house endlessly

the up to the total limit pain each has to produce

on the machine of death

then slowly they have to dacker it down

and I am supposed to believe

or make others believe it was 'just pain'

though they use us for their experiments

and the microsound goes endlessly

 'Kill her dead, three or four women could lose their jobs

we have to destroy her reputation everywhere

in education too, that is in hand,

however professional she is

we do it by tuning people

but they don't know about that technique yet

the americans kept it secret

she-victim only guessed because she thinks

and mother was an interpreter for the russian von-Braun

they keep their eyes and ears open

whilst talking about the food at Marks and Spencers

we don't tell governments what we are doing

and we call that 'challenging her' (me)

her grandfather came from a small market town in Hungary

force her back there and then push her down further...

 Alyson is no better than I am says lab Anna

-oh well birds of a feather

Can I work with you she wanted to know

-No, this works only because I move everyone around

I qualify the unqualifyable

they get a professional qualification

then I move them to a good post

then they are lost in the system

Let the copers sort it out

except they can't

cause they don't know the technology

and the lab England's political police

uses them too!

 We have already understood

lab Anna will lie on the stand

and tell all others what to lie

 My God, I didn't know it was developed so far

the clever americans who gave it to the worst criminals

who have added their own blend of sadism to it

what a shame

The Time - Watch people will discover in time

they WILL find out one day

just keep telling the truth

though we know you say very little of what you know

how ever much they ridicule you

how ever much the lab destroys all your hard work

how ever much they destroy your successes

 pressing heart badly now

my computer is tied to theirs at the lab

and I am on screen

all I say and do is seen

microsound

I wanted to give you a heart attack or collapsed lungs

and put you into hospital

it says you signed for it

 you fool, added lab Anna

it is not a proper form...keep that out of it

pressing lungs badly now

and I have to teach the rest of the day

 until someone tumbles on us

we will carry on destroying, using, destroying using

destroying, using, destroying, using..

  MYRTLE

 says the lab

give Myrtle the play she wrote

and you Emma

the many sneak thieves

tuned by us from our lab

especially our lab parkis

all around her

will continue thieving the works

and paintings and what they fancy

 and she, me says to you

do you recall in the England of old

they would put people into the stocks

then the citizens would throw cabbage at them

the prisoner guilty or not

could not defend themselves

 and do you recall

when the British took over from the Moguls

they hunted down the kings four sons

brought their heads and placed them on the throne

then dragged the old King through the streets

before throwing him into a darkened dungeon

to finish his life

 and do you recall

how Africa had many Kings

but they would have been standing

when meeting the Great British Queen

so they had to demote them to tribal chiefs

to ensure everyone had to kneel to the Queen

 and do you recall

how the new world happened

corruption on this Isle

was so bad

and its people here so badly abused

they fled to any corner of the world

to escape their own Ministries

not much changes with these island savages, does it

 one I wrote on the BE'd

English specialist

at Sheffield Polytechnic

from which the lab terrorised me

after two years and in the classrooms-

as well as poetry and short stories

I wrote plays one or two

 all is lodged on the computer

at St Barths Behavioural Science

which takes and makes prisoners

from the community

breaks people and makes its friends

to the top to cover its own terrors

 this prison is for life

we took them prisoner in 1983

 if we release them

so we cannot control every action

every word every farthing

close every door as she tries to open it

we of the lab all face prison

some of it for manslaughter

prisoners for life....

 laugh, came to the West for freedom

from the dictatorship of the East

 Go to the United Nations they say

but please kind Sirs

tell me how

they even block a simple police visit...

 lab Parkis blocking all post to friends in Russia now

''we just tear up the envelopes and what is inside them

and any email we don't like is deselected

anything in which we had a hand

and anything about parki bad behaviour in the land..

 it keeps circling, circling, spinning

spinning as the L.A. Jew there taught

each crime is repeated

each torture concreted

worse than worst communist China here now

 Lauren lab jewish wife of the lab axe man says

I dread going on the stand

Anna lab bossess just says

say this and say that

has no conception of what lies are

and I can cheat but not lie very well

 but how can you run-

with a ninety one year old mum

still alive and kicking

who BELIEVES in the british democracy

it's the KGB doing all this she thinks!

I know better................

 THIS BRAVE NEW WORLD

 they did what?

they manipulated a nervous breakdown

for the Princess

for so many women

and me too

all of it unseen

done remote

they divorce everyone

then have the women

do what they do

bossess has had over fifty lovers

and cruises with no underwear on

in the evenings in her car

She feels this is normal behaviour

for normal women

 They have used these toys and tools

in mental homes

for a long long time

and the lab St Barths

is so guilty its only scare

it dare not be caught

our State hides and raises them

 which banks did your victim use

in an effort to save their little

the money from the sale of the family house

to be able to leave this Island of horrors for ever

where tiny helpless women

who work very hard to try to keep body and soul together

have money robbed from their bank accounts

by lab workers, toilet cleaners turned expert

personnell controllers and such

never had a holiday

wear second hand clothes

have second hand furniture

eat cheapest vegetables

don't drink

don't smoke

nothing all just to save enough to leave

 so they get the lab pakis

to take a thousand there

and a thousand there

at the Deutsche Bank

as soon as I put my money from teaching in

a whole months money

when is studied there for a year

(twin Uni of mine in London)

the lab had it disappear immediately

so I would be left penniless with rent to pay

 Then they gave a young Polish girl known to thieve

the same bank card as mine

she took out thousands

and I had no way to prove

so I had to take out what was left of my Grant

she is permanently on the scanner now

They over rid my tv programme once

to show me her visiting London

who knows if she will get cancer or not

but wants desperately to marry a german

as they all do

Now there's a turn around!

 this tv thing is a constant thing

they once showed a little boy being abused

which they had tuned

they say they take no sides

just make the crimes to see them in detail

Even the Nazis were not that mad

but criminals will be criminals even when in a lab

and they have the power from the POWER

hey wasn't it Hitler too

where chicken farmers became state leaders

every single parrallel is met by the lab

only they wear white coats instead of black

 and get this

the leaders are all in this

so every country I go to

I face the same rubbish

but britain is the worst

as they run it

and it eminates from here

and the lab here has committed

so many murders

lab pakistanis killing whites

called

''accidents in the making''

what can you do

when a country doesn't care for its own

that is why I prefer america

the british have a death wish it would seem!

 give every bank a present

give every member of those banks a present

for the thousands and thousands

the lab syphoned off

 the L.A. jew who designed this

(let's not forget Blaire and the whole nest here

are all jewish so let any crime happen

as my grandad who fed jews during the Nazis used to say

the whole island sits on jewish money)

L.A. jew said the victim must be left in poverty

with nothing, every dirty trick to be tried

though hard working and saving east europeans

 the lab killed Ukrainian uncle

the lab played all the Ukrainians in our community

who would never complain or even guess

after having Uncle change his will

to give it to...........

 remember this was an american jew who designed it:

(nothing personal, he is supposed to have said

I am just saving members of my own system

a lie, as we were absolutely no threat to anyone)

Uncle left all HIS hard earned savings

on his death bed to--

a girl in Russia!

a real russian by the way

(I wonder if you guys out there understand that

I am a different generation

I have nothing against the russians

three million Ukrainians died of starvation

in two months in the winter of '33

as Moscow took every scrap of food from them)

as the girl's aunt was our best friend

at the Elsham refugee camp

who had already thousands and were childless

till the lab put her on the scanner

 the lab says my pay off was:

the bosses of the Health Minstry and Pensions Ministry

watching us in our own home

and advising me constantly

 these so called bosses' constant advice?

 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.....

get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.

 ASLAM NOW

 There is a new rat in the lab looks in his twenties

that is why torture was particularly bad

and he used the womb irritator all morning

though I am sixty two years old

 they tell them it is a trial

that the United Nations allowed it

that Annan signed for it

that world could be used by this criminal lab for crimes

 and then they say you signed for it

all secret, secret, top secret

and we are told a file of lies by jewish doctors so called

that you were supposed to make up

 the money and life we stole from you

well yes, sighed Mister english man

there is always someone vulnerable about

for use by this mob which ran Hitler's concentration Camps

 as the scarved women swarmed into the shop

well fed and happy at so much hand outs

all in their new clothes

as I return from the second hand market

 with some old clothes

which the Pakistani Carer stole

from my ninety one year old mother

we came back then to rebuild their island

 and as I sat and watched the hoards

no, I don't care, the english are asking for it

kicking and using them to rob us

who helped them and using lies

 one favourite 'it was long ago'

since eighty four lab Anna uses that one lie

and today all russian post withheld for a long time

who has robbed her post she asked

 because the Jewess lauren robbed the post

you have all got to rob her post

all rob her bank account

all rob her work and torture her and her family

 One city in England they admit

already has a larger coloured population than white

but the english lab keeps kicking us

because we are helpless to help ourselves

 a new rat in the lab

given all my bank account numbers

will rob more and take more

a thousand each they are told take

 so she can never move out of the country

having sold their family home to leave

as they hand over and hand over

allowance this and benefit that and money for that

 to the never ending stream of women in scarves!

I wonder when the lab will hit the refineries

The mother of all spins will shake the world to its very foundations

the earth will shudder in fear but it might be good or not good

 said the Americans and the black americans

are all coming here too that's how good it is over there

we'll stay here while its good  I heard our coloured over takers

Now new rat at St Barths Human Research, you have

 your targets of torture and robbery

and you actually thought

Auschwitz and Belsen

Theresienstadt and the rest had gone did you?#

 'and here some new unread stuff you can use'

put this in this is from Jesopps hospital, a lie

but we have had that knocked down already

(they move or knock down all they use)

 says lab Anna from the computer

Anna who is described as the most evil woman

who ever lived far above those of the KZ lagers

victim made notes all over the place at Uni

 and Uni writers groups and other places

I will have them robbed from her home later

its Oxford and Cambridge men

and Tyne Tees Prof joining in the gang bang.

EARLY SENILITY

 we'll tell the americans

after we have finished all the cons

after we have done all the scams

after there's nothing left to follow

what we have used

of what they have given us

says the lab St Barths

 say the Americans

we are nothing like as damaging

as the Brits

 but we are as one

the US and us

we are cousins after all

and go hand in hand

(actually, thought one Yank

my forebears were germans!)

you can't tell on us

we are together in all things

 for years now

they have been lasering and pressing

the brain and skull

the nerves and veins

in the poor head of the victim

during the night

 the aim is to create

very early senility

once she forgets

no one will know

 No one will know

and we can do what we wish

and have done as we wish

using clever language

on this language teacher

and the general population at large

 what they don't know

can not hurt anyone

and least of all us

 Just keep hitting her

night after night

added Dr Meyer...

 SUE HER

 One reader out there

reading all my work no doubt

enquired curiously

why doesn't someone sue me?

 No one sues me

because it is the truth I write

and if they sued me

the truth would out

 To sue costs thousands

and months and years

of wasted time and life

over here in our democratic system

 One woman we have just heard of

had to pay twenty thousand

to sue someone when she was attacked

do you know how much twenty thousand pounds is?

 If 'they' sued me

I could speak

without having to bear the costs

how nice that would be

 so no one sues me

as long as I have a care how I write

because what I write is right

and to sue me would prove this Right!

 we should have a system

like they have in Spain

where if someone has done you

there is a collumn in newspapers for it to become known!

 IMPRINT OF CANCER

 it is an experiment

is what the lab calls

riding rough shod over the law

which they totally ignore

 so another invention

not only do they put imprints

of those who have been in the lab

(means they can peek at everything)

 they are using my imprint

on young teachers they have chosen

to tune them to perform my work

as they now scan brains onto machines

 see folk, I was voted top teacher

at a College though the oldest there

by thousands of students

and when I teach I guarantee

 The lab has been pressuring and blocking

throw a spanner in the works where ever I go

so now this young teacher has all my notes

all my lesson plans and asked for more

 because long ago, Pam Civil Servant of Pensions Ministry

who has a daughter studying Germanic and used in this 'trial'

was given all my notes lodged illegally on the lab computer

and given an A for my work, not her true value

 however does this young cheat of a teacher

realise that using the imprint of me

might make her successful in my way

means she is liable to get cancer from it

 as so many others already have and died

having had no choice..

enough for the moment they tell her

your courses (copied) are so successful

 and China has gone soft

Beijing USA College is on the London screen

and all its people and all they do and say

some due for cancer ofcourse.

 A WORLD COMPUTER

 it is an experiment

is what the lab calls

riding rough shod over the law

which they totally ignore

 so another invention

not only do they put imprints

of those who have been in the lab

(means they can peek at everything)

 they are using my imprint

on young teachers they have chosen

to tune them to perform my work

as they now scan brains onto machines

 see folk, I was voted top teacher

at a College though the oldest there

by thousands of students

and when I teach I guarantee

 The lab has been pressuring and blocking

throw a spanner in the works where ever I go

so now this young teacher has all my notes

all my lesson plans and asked for more

 because long ago, Pam Civil Servant of Pensions Ministry

who has a daughter studying Germanic and used in this 'trial'

was given all my notes lodged illegally on the lab computer

and given an A for my work, not her true value

 however does this young cheat of a teacher

realise that using the imprint of me

might make her successful in my way

means she is liable to get cancer from it

 as so many others already have and died

having had no choice..

enough for the moment they tell her

your courses (copied) are so successful

 and China has gone soft

Beijing USA College is on the London screen

and all its people and all they do and say

some due for cancer ofcourse.

 THE TORRE CANYON

that was us

and that was us

 the Dalai Lama was on the machine too

he had to give an answer to me

to the issues raised by the lab

which were supposed to be me

that was a bit rough of you lot

said the lab 'that shook that lot up a bit'

the warning initially was though

be warned

it will really shake things up

 and everyone I used and use

is gifted now

 they still havn't asked

what does this machine do

at the moment

there are only three women

in the lab taking turns at torment

 and all my bank statements

are missing yet again

so the present lady

will be a-robbing again

(thieves enter our house constantly)

try telling the police this

I had fifty five entries in one year in London

 She'll climb to the top

was on the file

so we have to destroy her

this has to benefit one of mine

then wipe it off the file

 Remove the cancer and skin stuff

very little by very little from the machine

and find some nasties about her old mother

our american Solly from Friends

who has already used her work

''I'll work all this through again''

(oh God, we lost all to save jews then)

 don't bother to hide in Russia

they are in on it too

as you well know

but you never say

as you know it wouldn't be believed

(all internal weaknesses tested)

 destroy her reputation as a teacher

--get one pupil to say

I have found a metaphor / as - like

we at the lab who listen to your lessons

are now getting quite clever

then say the Miss didn't tell me the difference

we have to find ways of destroying your reputation

 I lab Anna, intended to leave one painting untouched

of the stream of your life you have painted

I must have seen it in a film

as nothing I Anna do has to do with brains or logic!

 my mother who never joined the Nazi party

but met the top as an interpreter

never talks of it

it isn't important, they were maniacs

and now I have the same situation

it isn't important, they are maniacs!

 BEN

  Said the lab put onto the media

that Ben was seen on a bench

or something like that

it will make what we have done

seem like fiction then

 the bench comes from maximising

one of my long ago friends

was one day seen on a bench

by my children coming home

from their catholic school

St Bede's in Scunny town

 this woman later dumped her kids

and her old man

and set up with a toy boy

as did several of my friends

it seems to be a thing

the British do I have found

 ''Cull this work to Wales''

-we'll develop her

sleep experiments on the tv

on me they used the remote

which leaves you with a sick feeling

but you can barely drag yourself up

they used this when I was in China too

oh and start a running sore

 The running sore comes from a colleague

in america who had a sore on his willy

probably another one lab Anna comforted

they put it all on the file

then they have to use each fact

in every possible way

to maximise everything

 and the 'I took a hundred here and there'

was the Tory M.P. Archie

who had also been an ex lover

I wonder if they have ever worked out their order

and the account he took it from

was mine, a private citizen!

a lone woman and a lone kids

and octogenarian refugee

scared out of her life

who wouldn't say against england

to save her life

 We find the worst opinion ever

spoken against each of you

real spite no matter who

use that as the general opinion

and try to bring everyone's opinion

down to that one

Lab Anna used you

because you people never complain

nor do you gossip

so no one would really ever find out

the hints you put into your writing

no one but us understands

 brave people these english

arn't they!

 THE PRINCE

 you thought social experiments were illegal

so did I

 The lab feels the Prince should do a whistle stop tour

covering what we have done

 usually we do what we did to you

to women in mental homes though remote

you had to cope with everything on your own

new city, new situations, University, kids alone, penniless

 we give our thieves heaven for using you

you get the hell says the tv

 we put someone on the interpals or something

and say that is your payment for us using your body and work

torture last night was pretty bad

we connect you rarely lasts long and we destroy all family ties

 we said Sarah was at fault for your situation, who was Sarah

the jewish Minister who enjoyed lab Anna's rear at the Ministry

we had gone too far so we had to destroy you

now we extreme, the government permits silent torture and murder

 the lab changed your Uni marks so the work had to disappear

the lab gave your creative work away so it had to disappear

 all your mother's clothes, all the thefts from your house

the treasured russian boxes, the sketch books, the writing books

from BE'd, from Sheffield University writers group

from the Spanish Schools is all in your neighbour hood

 we get them to sort out our problem then spread lies about you

and the last two days we have been razing your eye nerves

 torture was pretty bad last night

worse than the night before, even America has fallen

 said the notary persons:

if the Lords (old Sarah's the back side player of lab Anna)

permitted it, we can't do anything about it

Only the Russians refuse to come into the lab,

how can we get them in and onto our screen

 said lab Anna: I can't let her have her work back

not with people like Friedlander in it who used it all from me..

and Maureen 'Lipman' and all the other jews I gave it to

the people will cheer if the Prince shows himself!

 PUBLICANS

 we have this machine

this machine can do anything

anything is possible now

no one stops us doing anything

anything which takes our fancy

all will be cleared in the next century

 bit like this will be the war

to end all wars

 we make a file to use of issues

and put it on her name to hex

so we could play around with sex

the lab Pakistanis ask

it says she drinks

does she drink

what does she drink

does she drink beer

 doesn't drink or smoke

today's quotes repeated

so lab Pakistani tried to press her chest with laser

I'll make her chest as bad as one who smokes

but doesn't drink at all

 lets have a go at some pubs

kill a few publicans

 we have a machine which can do anything

the biggest secret in the world

the hoy polloy have not yet discovered

too busy to check or find out

it can do anything

keep talking about bombs and things

every machine in her house has been broken

precisely with the laser from the machine

 they won't know what hit them

they'll be dead before they know what hit them........

 the machine in a London lab.

 THROUGH THE WINDOW

  lying in bed this morning

passers by speaking

this is another old one they use constantly

it is a relief when I go abroad to silent windows

the stinks and problems there are as nothing in comparison

 Meyer's voice said

stupid cow (me) she signed she'll give us everything

(actually I signed a nurses form at West Ham Community Health

in May 1991 yelled at by Nurse Hughes

stomped out for half an hour

but I had a mortgage

with no copy and not able to read it)

 Now Peter next door to her in Plashet Road

has all her work too

he also has our cancer

one of those on our machine

 weeps a lab paki voice

I didn't understand the pain limit

(normal torture continues daily but at a lower level

since my return from the States holiday)

that is why I put it onto full intensity for months and months

 that is one of her passages

I recognise it

so the States are using her work too

america is also under the british hammer

(Friends and one or two others have been using it for a long while

I recognise it, but it is lightweight general stuff

not monologues of total writing as the lab did)

 they've taken excessing and free hand outs to its ultimate limit

english fashion

contempt for life

corrupt to the core

world wide for their own popularity

outlawed in the States obsolete programmes

 why is all this happening

lab Anna beamed incursions into private citizens lives

for many decades now

''interesting bits'' from bedrooms

watching husbands and wives

lovers and engaged couples

to her lovers in the Big Apple sister lab

that is how they spend their days

illegally watching private citizens

and messing with them

the beaming looped all over the place

and a torso appeared

so then they made some sex films sticking on heads

and put them through all strong receivers world wide

 lab anna says she has a hobby horse

the sizes of members

lab students were found to be copying my work

from the lab computer as their thesis

and lab members copying all work to print as their own

including the bossess Anna

who sat on my dad who was a well known writer

so she could impress the Health Ministry

so they had to either destroy my ability to work

or my work

and decided to give it to everyone world wide

from the machine on which we are prisoners

use us as lab rats to train her evil staff on

(why do researchers

have to know how to syphon bank accounts?)

 and they now proudly declare

we are the SS or the KGB of Britain..

but no one can catch us

with our american friends taxes and help!

 SCUM TURNED

 she is running again

east, west anywhere away from blighty

this is coming through the wall

they all use that one

in Plashet road they used Esther Rantzen's voice

threatening me through the wall

 they said you were scum

now they will say you said someone is scum

though you make it a point never to talk of people

and nothing is made good which we do

they keep on repeating making it worse and worse

the kids (who are adult men) don't care

they get a good pay

they never question anything at all

 there wasn't a response there or anywhere nearly

put one in, imagine one, make it horrific

and don't imagine Anna of the lab cares about lying

it is her way of life

 Lauren who falsified the papers said the other morning

I am really worried about going on the stand

now you are contemplating sueing

Anna just says : say that and say that

to her lying is a way of life

but we are still playing with you and your family for life

 now to separate Shaun from the family

the family has to be divided it says on the file

(Hitler and Stalin did this one too)

we used the old lady all her life to make her sick

but we used old Semen when he was sick making him worse

 we want her out of Paki Homes (teaching) says the lab paki

she might talk to them, they believe her

-say that she doesn't respond well with our children

- they have used some of them to rob our house

their own children, turned them into thieves!-

 now we the lab are insured to the hilt

time for some insurance companies to collapse

('I can Northern Rock any company' said Anna)

every insult real or imagined has to be paid back

 the BBC has apologised for its part (really?)

and we will tell the President of Pakistan our truths

we have more tricks we want to try out

 I sell more now the lab sells me of her work

than I could ever have dreamed of

All the lab stooges have made heaps of money

royalties for your work to her copiers pours into them

and they have so much they are buying second homes

-if only you had had a bit of loose sex for Anna

you too could have been made rich by her-

 excess, simplify -

your work is hidden in the filth Anna wrote

they call that mix and match,

but I will find it

I will find it

the truth will never be found in this monster trial of evil...

 I am a fool

I admit that

but you know

our family has always been truthful and honest

and many times

in many situations across Europe

others have sold their souls

and disappeared

but we are still here

Maybe it is true what the lab says

maybe there is no God

or any such test of honesty

but we have to believe in something

and as former Mongols

we know that to trust our neighbours

is the greatest strength

greater than all gifts

spend your dirty, stolen gold

and dirty yourselves...

 QUOTES ON QUOTES

I eat it says the file

I being lab Anna of St Barths

(try some caviar dear!)

 well poets

in the sixties when I grew up

we did leap frogs on wooden horses in gyms

not on young men as they do now on tv

and as for eating sperm or throating

which these London ladessess do do

and I had never heard of till recently

the stuff these Ministers and Civil Servants get up to

in their Ministry offices and well, ministries!

 Old Sunny Scunny and our tough steelworkers

were really not quite up to that

My lebanese school mate

with her 'counting off' all the business men's sons

jewish most of them,

was about our limit

and I had a job supporting her as a friend

 so the lab have been told follow instructions

I am NOT to be allowed any happiness

because that will loosen me up

(put losen, it sounds better said lab Anna)

because the lab had a plan and she would not follow

adding to the present copying artist

adjust it

simplify it

then you can say it is your work not hers

don't worry I will have the originals robbed and destroyed

 and in China they called her the wonderful old teacher

well the lab Pakis informed me

we can't have that

we are going to put over horrid things

destroy your reputation

(they do incidentally

that is why I don't believe what they say about the Princess

she was on the same programme at the lab so I know)

''they'll all remember nasty things

we will make them up

we call it spinning..

and increase the drawing skills

of all we used and even those we gave cancer to

the young Prince will be amazed when he finds what he can do!''

given him remote for what we did to them'' I quote.

 it is all backed up and blocked

your life is forfeit to the lab

(I don't want to be forfeit to anyone

we didn't survive all the way West for this)

they will never catch the lab now

the wrong is the mother of all wrong doers

 so science is destroying the last human trait

its art and communication

along with love, decency and loyalty

 we will restore it later....they added

like the milk Thatcher took, I wonder?

and I took a hundred there from your account

and a hundred there says the lab

even Archie, conservative, ex lover and help

of anna lab bossess, will paint

and everyone knows lawyers cost thousands just for a letter

so the lab have got her again as they are now poor

 for robbing her old mother by the Ministry of Pensions

of the total life savings of their old dad

whom the lab manslaughtered

(they don't have murder here)

taxing her small life savings as a millionaire

please

give the british nation a rebate of some sort

(like when they lost my post

the lose all the pensioners books in the post

it is called spinning!)

 so, how strong was the womb tingle

Anna of the lab put onto the Princess

and was the machine ever switched off

did Anna direct the lovemaking

as Steve did that of the Prince

and said over my radio

''I taught the prince to play''

and I quote...

 SOCRATES

 by what show of arguement

the accusers of  of us

would persuade all and sundry

that we and particularly I

have forfeited our lives and life

to the lab St Barths Behavrioural Science

(not withstanding Lauren

falsifier of forms

 for though the crimes laid unto our charge

were great indeed

that she did not acknowledge the gods of england

that she introduced new ones

and farther

that she debauched teh youth

yet none of these

in the least

could be proven against the Miss

 For, as to the first

she taught the english well and with enthusiasm

to all who listened toher

bringing a love for the land of england to all

which had been hers long since

before the betrayal by the Queen and Country

 and instead of paying no homage to his country

he was frequently seen to assist sacrifice to them

both in his own family and in the temples of education

perpetually worshipping them to all the public in a solemn manner

 because they said he received genius from her forebears

intelligence so he must be accused of introducing the truth

 she frequently told all her students

that they could do or not do,

according to the instructions

what they believed in

but those who followed her advice

always found advantage in it

how could she avoid this censure

she is either a liar or a visionary

if the events had not justified the truth

of the things he pretended were revealed to her

she would not have spoken of them

if she did not believe them to be the truth

 though she advised friends what to do

if in cases which were doubtful

she would always send them to the Ten Commandments

though she believed that everyman should make a choice

of the conditions in life by which he or she lived

there are greater truths to be found

 what is even more surprising

the claim of debauchery of the youth

a most sober and chaste person

but not inclined to make a mountain out of a molehill

who could not easily be startled

 using always good texts

then how could she teach impiety

injustice, gluttony, impurity and luxury

 hey man, I laugh a little at us the human race

'cause on the whole

we take ourselves too seriously

and some think they are God incarnate

not a man here for a short time

and get so befuddled they need laughing at

 but that being that

she always tried to reclaim persons

and inspire them with love of virtue

putting in them hopes

 yet she never promised any man to teach them

they must learn to be taught

ok so she never neglected herself

and makes sure she is comfortable

but you know

a sick person is incapable of doing anything

and to work well

she herself needs to be comfortable enough

keep your own house in order

and everyone keep their house in order

and you have order...what!

 the accusers say that she taught to despise

she affirmed it to be a folly by elect

ok only God is perfect

mankind is flawed in every way

and we still aspire.....

 I teach the young to think

I teach the young not just to accept but to check

I teach them to read enough to have a background for protest

I teach them if they don't want to protest that is ok too.......

I teach and I teach well so go to hell..........

 TEACHING

  We tell them you have given your life to us

and being a DP and refugee

and fatherless

you had so many advantages

well I have never been one to complain

but try to look at the positive

 we have given all your lesson plans

to an english teacher of our choice

we do not like this damned foreigner

being voted top teacher in colleges

being liked and respected for her teaching abilities

this has to stop it has to be OUR success

 on top of that

we change your CV

and change letters of recommendation now

so that they see a different picture to the true one

and get former pupils to say nasty things

it isn't enough to spread nasty gossip in your area

you move all over the place

and your calm quiet firm manner is too much liked for our taste

 I the lab Bossess rule the world

I will say what goes

well, I did say I suppose I had a bit of a God complex

and we british have always ripped off the stripes from uniforms

 now hear what I, little poetess lady have to say

considering what they do to me

and how they continue

now consider this

the Princess was also a victim

--the lab calls me

a sacrifice for them--

I don't feel much like a sacrifice

but I don't know how a sacrifice should feel

I know I once respected the british

am so like them it is unbelievable

yet know I scorn them

as lower than the snakes of the desert

and I don't mean that damned snake god of India either

consider what they do to me

and draw your own conclusions about the dear Princess..

 they are liars, liars, liars..........to the core

liars

the Princess was in the lab

the Princess was on that machine

the Princess had a programme written by lab bossess Anna

that is all I am saying

and trying to give me cancer

with all the money the States and Brussels has given you

will no longer shut me up

 MURDERERS...LEGAL MURDERERS

with your damned legal government of cowards

there are not enough white feathers in the world for you lot...

 Did you all know that Hitler got in legally too!

 microsound: now get another comic in

to copy all her work yet again on our crummy media....

 ARBROATH AGAIN

 Your tax money

millions of it

Brussels and the States

has paid for the mother of all illegal

let us call it experiments..

experiment in England

is another word for undetectable crimes

by the lousiest load of criminals

since Auschwitz

which was also run by this self same system

 declared the lab

(I often tell you what they put out)

there will be no melt down

it has already happened

this has been it

planes crashed

trains bashed and all the rest

most of what happened was us

the killings and destruction

of this last decade

trying out all the stuff negatively

by british criminals covering their backs

permitted by a corrupt government

-let's get on with it then-

which the clever americans have found and outlawed

brought from the clever germans before them

turned nasty and spiteful and criminal by the Brits

 so on Bus eighty eight yesterday

gong to grannies who is ninety one

after teaching the Somalian girls english

(I don't mind them

they get favours but are real refugees

unlike the pakis

though we got no favours-

they brought as work donkeys

and now continue to use as lab rats)

this is a daily occurance every where I go by the way

-in their twisted terminology

it is called 'surrounding' someone...

and means using them day and night

and all those around them

grandly they proclaim

it will be this only once

batter the shit out of everyone - now

 what do they mean, once only

the lab have been using it for at least two decades now

and messed with dozens and dozens of individuals

in their private lives according to their own amusement

and all the lab have deaths on their slates

 an older woman with a white bun in a black indian coat

got on the bus, she smelled of sweat

and her coat was covered in dandruff

(I have never had dandruff

though Felix of Berlin, invited to the lab

took out fifty percent of my fine brown hair remote

which they use as punishment for retarded people)

she did  not look as though she had ever worked

' writer'said microsound, 'who pinched your work'

these look alike set ups are what these idiots do all day

with your taxes and mine...

 then a red haired chump, dyed of course

I think they called her Megan

a girl who had my mother' wheelchair taken from her

so we had to fight to get it back-

sneered at me though she was a quarter of my age

microsound..I saw that-

lifted her coat

they keep a camera from a satelite on me

day and night and all I do since 1983

once day they got an Ethiopian lodger of mine at Upton Park

to push me against a fire place

and pull my skirt up behind

 spite because my mother had said many years ago

the raping red army should have stuck their what's it

into a sauerkraut keg or a fireplace

and given us women a bit of peace

(her neighbour of seventy died of gang rape

by a whole plattoon of soldiers, to pinch a mirror

and some gold painted door handles in Bratislava

she bled to death, though we blocked her with cotton wool

and when they walked the streets

girls laid there being raped

as Kalashnikovs pointed at passers by

I need to explain this

why we are so bitter)

 well dear girl, what happened was

these north africans are on the whole civilised

surprised at first I quickly whipped round

pulled down my skirt (I wear them long)

and said to the young man of thirty three sex foot tall

(this is supposed to be the boy

they put on the file I had sex with boys!)

I don't care for these male approaches

and they tell me a lot of gay men are involved

who see sex very differently to me

and are into black and white sex-

an elderly lady who was raped t nine years old

Now young man if you want to rape me

kindly do so in my bed

as this would be most painful for me

having a ripped womb flap causing pain at times

and endless stitches up to my behind

from my very large five babies..

 he shrugged and gave up

we sat down and had a cup of tea

and discussed his thesis.

Now Arbroath is putting cancer scabs

all over my back again

because the Pakistanis have a lot of skin diseases

 Now I lived in Pakistan teaching there

to escape the British Civil Servants

many of the nomads there

who camp at the markets

never see water except for stand pipes

the government puts up for them by street sides

and the villages like that near Islamabad where I visited

the poorest have bad skins

because they live in dirt and filth

 as I said

all a lot of these countries need

is a good clean up

they have wonderful climate

rivers and mountains

the Brits did their sneaky muslim allies proud

but forgot what lazy devils they can be

 by the way,

entering Islamabad village

fields filled with women working their fingers to the bone

lying under the water spout sunning in the sun

lazing I saw so often time and again

a young male

the usual picture over there....

so the lab pakis give ME skin blemishes and poxes

though doctor Meyer

who always watched me in the shower daily

(I was very slim when a little younger)

put on microsound

don't shower so often my dear

your skin will dry

and coming out of the bath

the television would say

'not bad'

 we will fine her (me)

is spoken daily-

fine means punishment

I think for the file written

by the jewish doctors and the lab bossess

robbery, torture or destruction of some sort..

for you dear Anna of the fifty men

Brits can be such big pigs... real pigs.

 and a few new cancer victims they have caused

 AL FAYED TOO

 and Al Fayed too

was on the machine

at London St Barths

 whether he knew or not

no one will ever know

but they let me know

 he snores now at night

though he has had his fancies

as they checked his life through

 I sent him my poetry books

I like Egyptians

probably because my father

 Semen Telewny the writer

had written FOR Nasser

how dare they take the canal

 and my dad had great influence

on the way I thought and lived

and I liked this man too

 so sent him poetry books

one two three

would he see the clues

 I wondered, but no

why should he

if the books ever got there

 I painted Dianas fate

three months before

and wept bitterly all night

 and in my odd dreams

Dodo became the owl

dreams are not willed

 I am with that man

in spirit though neither he

nor I will ever win!

 he has tried anything

bent every way

but cannot find the truth

 But Mr AlFayed

since when where the Brits

ever since time began, truthful?

 shouldn't you know better.

 WOMAN INFERIOR

 at school

at college

my reports all prove

her top marks

do not tell how good

she paints even better than top

 we were refugees

we were poor

I was not really theirs

I was a good daughter

I always did as I was told

or my mother was going to send me back

back to where

 I am a displaced person from the age of one

you should work in a factory

you think you are a princess or something

I managed to get to a newspaper

I was a good wife

I was a good mother

then at last I signed for art school

encouraged by a young male teacher

I myself will ring and make the appointment

your talent should be used

(I used to sit in the corner

at the women's group painting, not chatting)

 I went to the nearby town of Grimsby

the Head looked at two paintings

done on the kitchen table using the kids' paints

you have your place

at the council grants office she said

you should stay at home with your children

have you nothing better to do at your age

than go running to nearby towns to art college

 It was difficult

jealousy from every side

I must be a good mother and wife

so to the hospital Path lab as receptionist

and everyone approved of me

but one day an assertive women's class taught me

as a woman I also have a right to life

but all I want to do is paint

 NO, NO, NO

I don't want to be a receptionist

I had followed everyone's wishes all my life

I had been that good person the nuns had taught me

and slowly I manipulated the situation

and was again at Art College

but this time with a sting in the tail

 the lab St Barths were watching

as they watched endless people on this Isle

and manipulate their lives to their own amusement

but I come from a communist past, much the same

so the axe man manipulated my old man

I do not want to be married to a woman better educated

ok and Meyer used the womb torture remote

so that in Life drawing classes I was bent double in pain

 they totally took over our lives

they reasoned, we separated them, just as the Royals later

so she must have many ahem affairs then marry again

unfortunately the last thing on my mind was ahem affairs

so they gave out the marks

fail, you did not do as we wished

my lecturer shot himself a week later, called manslaughter

they push them too far sometimes and that happens

what, paint, I know nothing about art the good doctor said

 no. assertive women would not give in

off to another course I went

here the lab doubled up the intervention into classroom

and private life I dare not mention

till it was too much

and to London I fled when my sons were old enough

hoping I had left my sons to safety

 I dare not tell you what they did at the UEL

it is called debasement, another obsolete programme

- these doctors and bossess have all had at least fifty lovers

they say this with pride along with their spouses-

using microsound all you hear is filth not lectures

and Anna wrote a file so filthy it is called heavy porn

 but I knew all this Uni study from my past

and as a german mother tongue speaker

the lab said they couldn't fail me

though they played with the lecturer and lectures

the lab put my mark at borderline

because Wayne one of theirs

had had that happen to him-

having taken off twenty percent

but from now on 'Fail all' however good said the lab

no complaints will be listened to

victim had enough education as far as we are concerned!

 they were permitted to torture, rob and torment

they said by some clerk at the United Nations

and we were only refugees who the hell cares

They said we were a danger to the Royals

because how the lab worked it out was

If they told me all they did

then I would know too much

and be a danger to them all

at first I was totally silent, said nor wrote not a word

 I thought of fleeing to Iran

(I had good friends Iranians

and my mother had since my childhood

taught me of Iranians, though not this lot

and Borneo and of Mountains and much more)

but I could not stand much more

You would not believe what they were doing to me

but their Embassy honestly wrote to me

saying: 'respectfully we ask you

are you sure you know what you are doing'

I have the letter still

(and later my son spoke on Iranian tv and radio

about the madness of wars in the middle East

unbeknown to me!)

which made me think again about my family

so I fled to Canada

but they began physical torture remote over there

and so it went on

 I taught at East Ham College

painted at their classes in my spare time

so the Civil Service closed those classes for the lab

though they were packed beyond the doors

I held exhibitions at our local Unis

so they made rules about framing and such

which they knew I could not afford

each door was closed

no matter how many I tried to open

 and now the final attacks

they steal the actual work

written and painted

nothing of her college days must remain

or she has proof that we failed her-

not the work she did-

they give it to their thieves and cheats to sell

saying to all and sundry :they sell

she doesn't as we block her from selling

yes, the lab guarantees their sales

anyone who uses me work

 and today's quote?

'your natural talent would have shone through!'

everything you did normally,

was more or less a 'first'

so, asked someone on high, you are still riding her?

Yes, the lab Pakistanis have her to play with

give cancers and poxes too or rare diseases,

destroy her skin or life,

(semi-literate goons on massive wages

each got a pay out of one thousand taken from my accounts)

 trying one more last for an art M.A.

the lab sits there

all our lab members

have used all her work

her drawings, sketches and writings

sent off to the magazines in our names

written books of her work copied and adapted slightly...

most of it about her life and studies

even the ancient Hebrew Verse I painted

studied for the Rabbi Rothchild-

no she cannot

her tale she might tell

and all will know what really happened to Colin

and even to Barry, also their manslaughter

as this little known technology kept secret

becomes more widely known

 there is to be no physical evidence

everything we do we cover

and a lone woman is so easy to use and abuse

such is the tale of one woman who wanted to paint

Know the joke

I studied feminism, british and german,  at Uni!

 the pay off,

all whom we used to cheat her

now on the machine

the ones who didn't get the cancer from it

will suddenly find they can draw

(think about it guys

it is quite easy to work out

I am an artist and even I know how)

and the little Princes too

will be given the physical or mental gift on line

for all the bad we have done to them.

and now the english girl at the lab warns

more robberies are due for you and your mum

(she's ninety one)

though you have nothing left

it is done to confuse you

so more books of sketches and uni work stolen

you are supposed to forget

as the crimes are constantly repeated

(I think they call it the spin)

you know

Hitler built autobahns and did good works

as he destroyed all of Europe!

 WORKING LECTURERS OF OXFORD

 Remote prison for life for them

every thing destroyed

for our sins at the lab

we turn it all around

onto her as we rise higher and higher

 I want her work to be worthless

The Cambridge man has taken

all working lecturers

selling their souls for lab fame

destroying art and literature for ever

as was the Tyne Tees Uni man

as was Christopher of four books of copied poetry

from the lowest Pakistani

to the highest realm

all must use her work

 to cover what we the lab

have done to them

the british do NOT have scandals

we cover and kill them

and crunch them into the ground

Just tell everyone they volunteered

Lauren, liberal jewess signed their life away

They learnt a lot from the Nazis did these jews

or was it vice versa afterall?

 Now Oxford man

I want you to write it like this--

for that I will raise you above your peers

and you will remain on the machine

and I will guide and watch your life..

I want everyone in the lab

so everyone is at fault

the biggest greatest gang bang ever

against this one tiny woman and her little family

 the machine

the secret machine

at St Barths

of which the whole government is part

outlawed in the States

all already tried over there...

 but he whom we call Backhouse

from over the pond the States

is coming to help us out

to show us how to survive her tongue

 Backhouse good poets

how did that come about?

whilst studying at the UEL

I rang the german school in Islington

could I please work voluntarily there on Saturday

the Head, called Backhouse barked at me

''what do you want''

 so I have to tell you

all my phone calls are listened to

and interferred with

so I rarely use the phone

as you cannot see who is at the other end

Backhouse it seems

is also some boss over there

who sent St Barths the millions

for them to try out stuff on us

 they say they get massive wages

incase they are ever caught

and in the States the penalties are severe

here they just use us former D.P's

clever, hard working, talented

give us to their Pakis to use us for games

so the Pakis can get even richer

on our hard earned gains

 and there was Gus and Hank

and Kit and others over there

who at first had no idea

what this lot over here are like

and the bossess ofcourse entertained them

in her own particular fashion

anyway so Cambridge man has copied

so now Oxford man is also to copy

what cowards the British are!

 REALITY GAMES

 we decided to use this family

for reality experiments

they are so vulnerable

so many of theirs are dead

and my how we made their old suffer

who will believe her anyway?

 We raise everyone who uses her work

then to protect them

we rob her house constantly

she might as well leave the door open

and now we have another artist in to copy

 all of England is now just copied work

how is it done the New York jew Ziegler told us

you take the main words of each sentence

and add them to your own ideas

you take the main ideas of paintings

and add them to Anna's ideas

 we destroy all her friendships repeatedly

it is a psychiatrists dream

and our american teams showed us how

we have outdone them in every way

they would all be in prison

if they did what we do without a word raised

 does she stay in her jobs they ask

no because the lab always creates massive problems

to create conflicts no matter where she goes

once we gave her mother four seizures

to get her back home

when we went through the whole heart thing

 we have pressed her heart to its limit too

we cannot be found out

or it is prison for all of us

you would not believe the pain and suffering

that family has been put through

and others killed with the Royal Prerogative

 Doctor Meyer who used a lot of her work in his book

explains : I wanted her to know hardships

We didn't check anything

I destroyed all advances and blocked all she does

we were asked to tell them what we were doing

 we tell them after the event

over the tv over music and you name it

people walking past in the streets

the Soviet is nothing to this

but when she visited the Soviet and Russia

we used the sound over there too

 when she thinks of leaving for somewhere

we sweetly ask the system in that country

please will they take this patient of ours#

who has never been a patient

and this is her file, the bogus one we made up

and the dirty film we made with a second rate porn model

 there is no escape

the latest has been to spread gossip round her area

so that all who were her friends

now see them as someone terrible

she does now know what is said

so she cannot fight it

 as long as the lab escapes

with her money, her work and their lives

who the hell cares

about some useful people to society

who have talent

 we raise any of her friends

higher than she is

get them the best jobs

for which they go on our machine

and we use them all

controlling even their sex lives

as the final kick

 so she doesn't make friends anymore

and in the event

not one friend we have found for her

has been to her liking

not even one

and when we rob from her bank accounts

we try to make the bank clerk

into her friend as we roll the money

for our lab staff and they can never find it

 this follows from when we took away her jobs

we tried to turn the bosses into her lovers

we wanted her turned into a prostitute

first the high class

then the rubbish

then the filth

the Jew at L.A. who wrote this programm

told us that is how it is to be

(or that is what we say)

for poetessess to princessess

 so you came to Britain did you

and helped to rebuild our country

so you did working as our labourers

and saved jews under the Nazis'noses

and tried to keep safe Czechs and other Slavs

well,we at the lab tell you this

 ONLY EVIL TRIUMPHS

IMMORALITY

LIES AND CHEATING

 Good people always go under!

 ILLEGAL

  what do I want,

an american friend has asked...

 I want to belong to a country

which sees me as its own,

and allows me to use its law and work for it

which will defend me from others,

not use me for illegal deadly experiments

which allows me to use my intellect

and gifts for myself and for it..

not take them for its government's workers

and all their friends and lovers

I want a country which sees me

as an integral part of itself

not a thing they fetched to work

once long ago when they needed rebuilding

from somewhere East now no longer useful

so can be used for anything which is illegal

Back then you begged us to buy your goods

and licked out boots

 my fellow poets

why am I telling you this

 because it looks like after the long journeys

dragged out of our homes and I mean literally

yet we had dared to stand by our jews and others before

mother battered and beaten though nine months pregnant

for all the people she had saved

oddly only a mongolian Red Army sentry tried to help her

dragged West in cattle trucks

(West not East only because

President Klements was a friend of ours)

malnutrition time and again

the years in two children's homes

in different transit and refugee camps

different languages different cultures constantly

all the things which made up our life

 and then at the end

to have finally got to College and that too the lab destroyed

 I need to go on now not what for their freedom

nothing is worth waiting for here in this hell they want for us

though I have a Scotland Yard certificate of honesty

every three years as I teach

and our community was said to be the most decent

by their Home Office.

I really do not want to be illegal

after my life you can believe that

but now I have no choice

it is enough

there are no more corners to hide in

they keep telling us return whence you came

though over sixty and it was half a century ago

I cannot, just cannot, believe me I tried

I think there is only one country for us

and it is not corrupt old Brittania

yet they tell us that those who have countries

which just need a broom to sort them out

get stay when we do not..

because the Brits poached us back then

 again we have to take fear into our hands

and turn to the only place for mercy we know of

 but then every Asian who sites anything gets stay

and they have huge families who can sponsor

we have no families only our skills..

better life style is now a refugee matter

not something to work hard at to overcome at home

countries which do not organise themselves

peoples who leave dirt anywhere

and please do not deny it

I was a teacher in those countries too

trying to escape old Brittania's spite

as one Embassy top notch told me

if we had ten germans working in Pakistan

the country would be a top league place-

so those with no where to run can't run

can't run anywhere or anyhow

and those who have a country get to run

though it would be better if they organised

their own country first.

 telling us that we are the lost people

does not do much as another freedom disappears.

 and Immigration is adamant.

    OUR NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE

 said the Pakistani Lab worker last night

who raped a minor back home

I took a thousand from your bank account

money you had earned giving lessons

to Pakistani children to help them catch up

for half price and helping their mothers to cope

 I have used your poetry

and had your stories stolen

and the work you did at colleges stolen by neighbours

and deselected your letters on our computer

 no one will catch me here

the lab has seen to that

and by the way

anyone can get work in your health service

corrupt bosses create corrupt workers

so says the former toilet cleaner

now in charge of Personnell

 this is the new  britain

the Britain our Blaire created!

 JEREMY PAXMAN

 It is just an idea you understand

we will get Jeremy Paxman into the lab

and he will notice odd things you understand

 we will engineer what he notices you understand

and then he will broadcast it on the tv

then the lab will be closed you understand

 and then the lab will ofcourse reopen you understand

we have already moved all our criminals to other jobs

and the lab can then begin from fresh you understand

 and understand this

sue them for the half century of torture and theft to you

but don't site Civil Servants in it

or we will get you

you understand!

 TEARS AND JEERS

 We at Behavioural Science have had the ability

of creating severe nervous reactions

for a long long time now

 we use this ability

where ever or on whom ever we want to

in poetessess and princessess

 then we do as we wish which we call basicing

from that point on

no one can find us out

 we merely call it

our 'little known technology'

people are to busy to listen to the whistle blowers

 the law needs updating ..

 BEHAVRIOUAL SCIENCE

 they sorted them out over the pond

now they mess over here

 wasn't it enough what they did

in the experimentation camps

of Hitler's Germany and in the Gulags

from whence we came

 we mess over and above the call of duty

one of theirs put over

 look, a thousand pound slipped there

said the lab Pakistani who put it into his account

money from a retired teacher who worked constantly

page misssing, now lots of pages are missing

 the system which uses the barely intelligent

to destroy all in all ladders of society whilst furthering its friends

 for robbing them of their bodies, work and money

we say we get them 'contacts' and lovers to rape them

not one of our contacts has remained a friend or been a friend

they are merely people we want to watch on our machine..

 the machine which rules the world

yet has not yet been revealed to anyone except the top

 so now they've asked their system over the pond

to change the facts of when London set off the security alarms

there at Santa  Monica from their illegal, secret beaming

and I am an America friend, what is the point of the alarms then?

 CORRUPTION FROM TOP TO BOTTOM

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 TAINTED FAY AND HER CHEATING FAMILY

 POEM WIPED OUT THREE TIMES

ON WORLD OF POETS AND ON MY FOLDER

 SO OFFER EXPLANATION:

 TAINTED FAY AND HER CHEAT FAMILY

POEM WIPED OFF THREE TIMES

FROM WORLD OF POETS AND ALSO MY FOLDER

REDBRIDGE FAMILY

FATHER SADISTIC AXE MAN AT LAB

MOTHER LAUREN

FALSIFIES DOCUMENTS FOR LAB

WROTE MY STORIES AS JEWISH STORIES

TO PEOPLE’S FRIEND

FAY – ELDEST DAUGHTER

SAID TO HAVE FLAIRE AT COLLEGE BUT NOT TALENT

SO FATHER TOOK ALL MY WORK

POETRY AND PAINTINGS FOR HER TO COPY

 SHE SELLS MY WORK NOW

 WHEN THEY WIPE OUT A POEM THEY PASTE IN ANOTHER ONE

SO IT APPEARS TWICE

THEY HAVE DONE THIS SEVERAL TIMES

IT IS THE LABS HIGH IQ WHICH MAKES THEM SUCH SWINE..

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 we'll sort her out for you the Asians cry

but you have to guarantee our lives

she'll be destroyed

and no one will know

we do all this back home

 standing at the bus stop

coming from an english lesson

two massive north Africans is hear them say

''well now we have seen white behinds

nicer than that from our lot

and very slender too

like a child''

 are they talking of the little girls

forced into prosititution by these Asians

early teens in cotton socks

which makes us sad

as one threatens suicide

and I can only think

how daft I was at that age

 terrible happenings

but what can we say

when the very top like St Barths lab

play with the Ministers and Civil Servants

of their Ministries

and Ministries take part in endless corruption

then tries to turn it against them all

invites all even the BBC into the lab

on this survey of hers on sex

 there's little wonder

the country is going bad

from top to bottom

it all stinks..........

so this is it

the Asian group

our bossess Anna sponsors

to sort it all out for her.

 and who suffers in the end

hundreds of little girls

who know no better

as Anna bossess blares

get rid of Lynne

one of their torturers

she hates those lot more

even than

our victim does.

 DHYE

 a wet nurse

so Hobson-Jobson tells us

sadly we all knew and watched

needed to provide beautiful children

 and of earlier

english regulations applied

a woman employed

to check the native women

 who could not appear in Court

to give evidence

and so she did

we saw it all as she lifted babies

 told us all of evidence

which could not appear in Court

if the bearer hath not strength

what can the Di do

 this mother for all

provided for for life

who got in the way

this children's nurse

 and the circle burns and turns

covering its tracks

destroying all reality

as the tears wash away the ash.

 AMERICA NOW

 I desperately need some new ideas

said the american

and the lab finds them all

 this is all we have on the computer

said Anna of the lab St Barths Human Research

and you can use them all

 we'll flood the market with her stuff

thank you Anna of the lab St Barths Human Research

and we can use them all

 now start tacking on to her work

use it as it stands

and use all of it

 different patterns of thought to ours

each country that comes into this trial gets all her work

and they can use it all

 they send some of their people of our system

to come to the lab and torture her and her family remote

and they can use them all

 yes, she cries but what can she do

and yes, it is inhumane but she can't stop it

so we use all her work and them all

 her husband used to say

nine tenths of the law is having it

and then you can use it all

 yes, she was always able, we made a mistake

no she was never mucky, that was Anna of the lab

we cover ourselves by giving them to the world.

 even the Belsen musician could play their own

even in Theresienstadt artists were asked to copy

but could retain their own work but this is Britain

 so that is the offshoot for visiting a friend in Arkansas

  THE DIRTY LAB HAS PUT THE VAGINAL TORTURE ON

IT IS SUPPOSED TO RESTRAIN YOU

PUNISHMENT FOR DARING TO SAY WHO THE TORTURERS ARE..

AND HOW THEY TEACH THEIR CHILDREN TO CHEAT FROM THE BEGINNING..

 JUNK PEOPLE

 and will they be freed

if they go to the States

 the lab in London

has put it on full again

 put what onto full

the womb irritator

 feels like super severe labour pains

and keep on pushining here in Arkansas

 though friends here try to help

as best they can

 the London lab will be allowed

to continue torture long range

 their citizen not ours for now

not a lot that we can do

 torture to continue

on our ground

 just like the stuff which happened

back then in Belsen and Auschwitz

 over and over battering without cause

that one little woman day and night

 who bows her head and begs the Lord

to help her and her kids through

 the artificial pain inflicted

by the murderous London lab

 of lechers and liars

though they weep tears at past deeds

 of those of theirs for whom our family lost all

to save and give life when THEY needed help

 and the skimming has already begun

Friends no less and what else?

 THE OUTLAWED PROGRAMME

 yesterday in a beautiful place

in this beautiful huge country

the lab put over

 the london lab

is feeding you work now

to americans

to jewish american mainstream

 so  no squeak will ever be mine

over here

and no one dare say a word

to jews over here

 why........

we lived together

we worked together

we got rich working with you

we helped you whenever you needed us

we were helped by a jewish GI major in Germany after

we needed your help then

we are not scared to talk to people

we see and saw our jewish neighbours as our friends and people

 the lab sayeth:

this is a new phrase of hers please use

make into a ad catch phrase in your name

(they have a super powerful computer which finds all that)

and

why can't you use her paintings for ads

we did in England

like this

all english media

and our sponsored designers

and our sponsored artists

and all our sponsored people

all the lab friends

write to cover the lab

and we gave it to Harvey

who got a divorce for it

so being on high

he would cover all of us with use

so now you can use all her work for us

we guarantee you success if you will use her work for us

 oh our jewish friends and former neighbours

how badly you have used us and me especially

I wonder when the day of reckoning will come for you, again..

 RATS AND RATS AND RATS

 don't

said the lab in london

fetch the old Harvard Professor into the lab

it won't take him long to work it out

she's such a nice person

he'll smell a rat

 and we are the rats

and we don't want that

 but why did the lab

fetch the old Harvard Professor into the lab

for the Russian classes I attended at Sheffield University

to get out and meet new people

after they got my ex of twenty five years

to dump the kids and me there

 I don't write grammatical Uky

but I do write

I speak with a funny Slovak Uky accent

due to my mum

and it's where I was born

but a hun ethnic

but I do speak

I read well

and found at two Universities

I am only a step behind the young

who come from Poland and other slav countries

way infront of the westerners

 Tell you why

when I was little in the children's home in Germany

and the english took my mum to work as donkeys over there

combing the refugee places for workers

and then refused to let the lone women bring their children

who the heck in mainland europe had a live husband or father

and she married my Uky 'dad'

 I liked him from the day I arrived

he had clear grey eyes

said to me

Uky is my language and in my house you speak it

so we sat down with a Bookwar here and there

and quickly I learnt

and my daughter learnt from them too

 I smile now when I think

of how difficult I found to distinguish

all the different shhhhhs and jshhhhhs and chshssss

and how I had to say frog in Uky to get it right

each and every time

and then it was our home language

 mum spoke slovak

he spoke Uky

and I spoke something which all the kids there

at the refugee camp at Elsham spoke

my best friend Desdia

with Polish dad spoke it too

a sort of muddle of all the language

in the same sort of way as Yiddish you know

 'cause you know

we were all a muddle too

mum's best friend missus oneiko

a berlin jewess

and the others

the shulz'z

a POW who stayed and fetched his wife

 my best friend then

a latvian boy next door barrack

who flew of to Canada that year

and endless stories like that

even when I was grown

working on the local newspaper

if we saw each other

we'd smile

and I kept their wedding pics for myself too

 and my dad's friends

dead interesting

and everyone knew Telewny of Scunthorpe

he wrote in all the Uky papers

and visited everyone

so I listened to them discussing in Uky

sometimes heated always with passion

from the very beginning

he would take me down the the men's barracks

they fed me Polish sweets

and I sat and listened

 so why did this weird english bossess

fetch in the old Harvard Professor

who ofcourse was jewish

no disrespect meant at all

but why did the lab choose a jewish professor

to sit and listen to the Uni lessons

which were only my way of getting going again

amongst the local pop

 for herself methinks

to carve a name for herself

they gave a load of lies to all these americans

who never check anything from England

and the games herself played at those classes

man...

 well guys

you should

not everything smells of roses over there

though they no longer pour the jerry pot into the streets

and the bossess says

she is stopping after I am dead

and that is why they are trying to hasten my death

with all sorts of technological tortures unbelievably crude

rather like the bossess and its staff

but then they found out

that the bossess has had this lecherous streak

since the age of eleven

says she is a non believer

which should explain it all and her jewish quacks there

 so now the rats are scared

that they might smell a rat over here

if they get the scent right

in this private little vendetta of the lab bossess.

 MIRRORING

 Mirroring is illegal

and there is good reason why

 at the start of all this

I knew there were lunatics here

 but no idea why or where

then when my jokes

 our families conversations

and more seemed to be on every programme

 as per instructions from L.A. Jew

I thought ey ey, nerve games

 listen guys, we come from all that

you don't ask why when you realise

 you just make sure to survive it

you gird your loins and stick cotton wools in your ears

 and twist wire round you tongue

and go into super alert

 that's how it was at home too

so the Mirror ran a series

 all of it came from Anna of St Barths

and a lot of it contained my work - so sayeth the lab

 hey guys, you gotta laugh

refugees from communism

 death threats don't really work on us in reality

some sat in the middle of american bombing and lived

 but I have to run to China for safety

and Chris of Oxford, you've shown your profs

 four books all copied from an old, well elderly lady teacher

I laugh out loud each time I hear 'Oxford' now

 graduated all right in copy right

in cheating and thieving from others called copy write

 and when I see the police

what police in this country..

 do her work though mirroring is illegal, is it

best go back to communism

 where at least you can complain

the capitalists don't even give you that

 shouting all that democratic purity

daren't be found out

 no different to my dad's stories of there

from the Kremlin and Stalin

 hey there, Paula of the Mirror

did you check your colleagues out

 what they copied- my dad killed by yous

was also a freelance Friedlander

 and my dad's mate at the Mail

got a scoop for forgetting her roots

 but my dad didn't have to copy anyone's work

and me, I just peruse how different the reality is

 to the rubbish they tell us

yet if you read history closely

 it is all there, all the truths though I really don't tell

mirroring is illegal...

 EASTER

 I love Easter

I just adore Easter

it is wonderful

 I can remember too well

as a kid in my Bavarian children's home

always being too small to reach the painted eggs

(Huns are generally smaller than Germans

and I am a very little Hun to boot)

hidden in the bushes by the nuns

for us to find after Mass

 and you know

Mass in Bavaria was something else

I watched in fear the golden snakes

slithering to the ground

and the only man in our lives

other than soldiers in jeeps and tanks

whizzing all over the place

after the girls

the Priest shouting away

in germanic sounding Latin

Latin was much better, mysterious

now we know what he is saying

and a lot has been lost-

or so I seem to remember

(I liked the nuns not the Priest)

 then when my kids were growing up

two of them altar servers

one had was suspended for a week for being naughty

twice, but Irish Priests understand naughty boys

and my daughter in the Legion of Mary and me too

we attended Maundy Thursday, Good Friday

right through to Easter Sunday

when the ex was always asked to take the collection

being our appendage and foreman

for many of the Irish there

(lots of tales to tell there too)

 and then older and alone

I would attend every single Station

in the East End at St Anthony's

I saw it not only as Jesus

but the cruelty of the whole human race

towards the human race

Huns are not inclined towards mourning

but this is a time one could mourn

 but here by the Pennine land

it is Methodist country

and their God was a cruel God

which kept them underground

the place is riddled with empty coal mines

and now their God is tree and grass for a change

 Things are changing however

and earthquakes shake the place

now we all know the Dutch will sort the shores

as they have done for three centuries

having come to Lincolnshire to sort the water

but what of these empty mines

one earth quake and two

more and more they will collapse

flood with water again

 the nation produces rubbish now

not coal but lots and lots of rubbish

so why not use this rubbish for good purpose

why not fill the old coal mines with rubbish

and give the people hereabout a rest

they've given enough of their generations

or is it british punishment

as their forebears came from Sachsen Anhalt

and just couldn't hack it over there?

 I arn't from these parts

but they've had little enough to thank God about

and when you look at the Stations

think of the young pregnant women

dragging coal waggons up pits

naked in the heat

and the rest of the horror of these parts

 Coming here to live I was shocked

at the colour of some of their faces STILL

coming from Lincolnshire

pig country as I did

God smiles in pink cheeked babies there

they're just getting some where here

for goodness sakes,

lets give 'em a chance

 think of that Easter Jesus suffering

then remember those miners

who made you all rich

and suffered terribly

 but I still love Easter the best.

 ..and why

has someone asked since

do you stick up for them constantly

when that area spends all its time

trying to knock you off your pedestal

 they know not what they do

in more ways than one-

they are fed untruths twisted

from a rogue lab

which has to keep itself out of prison

I cannot hold that against the people.

 WE’RE SAVED

 best news I've heard in a decade or more

no space aliens to be seen anywhere

the Universe is all for us it seems

 do you realise what good news that is

it means we can with a little human ingenuity

build crafts, go to other worlds

think how to cart water to there, then produce it

how to build in new types of rocks

how to start new areas of civilisation

(ha!)

gosh it is endless

don't forget the coffee for those like me-

it is wonderful

I am brilliantly happy just thinking of it

I bags Jupiter here and now

for all my forebears

(my culture bears many similarities

to the very northern ones you see..so!)

 we can have interplanetary wars

said someone and I agree

 we can have children

that will have to fight

to get somewhere else

off this stagnating planet

(one or two sci-fi books

have already explored that path)

 it is not all over

it wasn't all for nothing

 oh dear God

Mary, mother of Jesus

and Jesus

and the Prophet Mohammed

blessed be his name

we can take them all over the place too

have you thought

what a pressy from God!

 it was all worth living and fighting for

we won't go under in a final fire

but then you know-

I know from my background

the british firebombing of Hamburg

my fairytales from my youth

wasn't the end

they even threw Phosphor into the river

to roast even those in the water

but look at the place now

nor the fires of Dresden-

My mother talked of it

as friends shrivelled black to fit in a sink

but I saw it clean and gleaming

full of life and people

there's me on the photos on that bridge

and the Palace all of them in Dresden

 thank you Lord

for such a wonder ful future you have given us

if only we can keep our heads

and our leaders can try just a little brains

give them half a brain at least

or damned good advisors

not a lot just a little

or we might have to topple

the lot of them

please God

just a little

 hey, but listen

do we have to call them aliens-

me, I was an enemy alien

not a refugee

from the age of eight

though I know this language

better than they do

I know their customs

better than they do

and could pass for one of them

if I wanted to anytime

but prefer not to

(they don't like our brains here)

and still get a kick or two for it

daily from a rotten London lab

which should disappear it is so stupid

or we will never have the Universe

with such idiots roving the Earth

with their stupid sexual perversions

just as Hitler had done

having learnt from their jewish freudian quacks

- the germans learn anything well-

(more of my childhood fairytales)

 and aliens is not nice

let's think of them as

our fellow space population

our future fellow citizens

whose land and planet we pinched

if we ever find any that is

Do we have to begin with hate

and turn to hate and destruction

what about a little bit of love and understanding

try the learning process for a change..

 as I always tell these guys who want to bed me

and hope to get british citizenship for it

go to College for two years

then come back and see me

never mind about how long before I will

I won't so try learning something instead

with this wonderful future we have...

 it's all ours

the whole Universe.

  hey but what great news

we've all got something to work for

for a long, long time to come...

Ok ok I am one of the descendants

of the horse men of Mongolia

who rode their horses all the way to France

from Irkutz and beyond the Urals

and still kept their traditions

so I suppose we are rather an optimistic bunch

but I still think it is a wonderful new beginning for us all.

 WIPE THEM OUT

 I quote:

Lee a bull murderer I think

 It will sweep the country-

 but people die of cancer on it-

 they'll die in their beds without knowing why

 (I have been saying that for two decades now

no one listens, too busy shopping)

 So, it will wipe out all the weak!

 We have come to that again

 though I am not one of the weak ones

 I don't reckon that's on-

 circles indeed

 planned by an L.A. jew

 put under covers

 carried out by the english.

 Did you know the first concentration camps

 were british and ............

 they even say

 Hitler got his ideas about national purity

 from the way the european jews

 kept separate from all of us.

 Load of bollocks if you ask me

 but then at school

 my nickname was

 'twenty one varieties'

 Being a central european D.P.

 no one could work out

 exactly what I was supposed to be

 not that it bothers me!

 BRAVE GERMANS

 my Uni of East London

sent me to Leipzig East Germany for one year

 when it became clear

that England and the english had gone mad

 giving all theirs away

and allowing any kind of horror in this land

 to cover three jewish doctors

and a rotten, rogue lab

 I sold my home

and put the money into a german bank

 though it was not that much

as the lab robs and rolls all english banks and building societies

 just as bad over there

the lab Pakistanis were shown how to hack and take

 each took one thousand of my house money

each took all my work as they have no english

 toilet cleaners, health workers and others now experts

wanted to show their new level with my work printed

 as did the english mob there

So last night a director of the german bank look alike

 came onto the television and said

we all know what they are doing to your account

 robbing and rolling but we daren't stop it..

now there was an Arab business man

 they did exactly the same to him

so he fled to Dublin where he now lives in peace

 the little Irish dare to stand in honesty

and you big nation are scared!

 so now the lab bossess Anna

has told her motley staff

 ''if one of you dares to talk

I have you all -the staff- on the machine

 Lynne will see you are dead in no time''

Isn't it time Europe got some new laws

 to go with the new technology from Belsen then America

and stopped having whores running its countries

 just so the Ministers and Civil Servants

can shake themselves out during the day at the office?

 Germany I am ashamed of you

though I have often spoken out in your cause

 and remember the only people who ever helped me in my life

which is why I chose a Bavarian Bank.

 BEHAVIOURAL SCIENCE AGAIN

 says St Barths '' we can't go public

she (that is me) keep opening her gob''

 on that poetry site she writes on

was put over the television by Lauren the other night

 Lauren, liberal jewess, lab axe man's wife who now says my trilogy

from my english degree where her stories she wrote long ago

 a lab filled with staff so stupid they can't pass a GCSE

so copy all that they have on the machine which is mine with lies

 ''the criminals we tuned were not responsible

for their actions'' says the lab

 we are talking of the thieves, murders and the rest

all instigitated to their behaviour by this lab

 so we come back down to the same thing

was Hitler responsible or were his guards

 but no we don't as their victims are made into slaves

by de arranging energy, I am aware so I know, they don't

 and the judges arn't told who sentence them

only lab wheels will get them released early, with a reputation

 the Lab Staff at St Barths are all responsible

they had the people raped and murdered

 they made thieves and robbers even out of the famous

they had others cheat and write stuff not their own and lie and lie

 the victims of their actions are sitting in prison

on life sentences and quite a lot are dead

 even if as the lab put over the other day

the Prince instigitated it. For myself I doubt he even knew of it all

 '' and I am supposed to just live with it''

so said P.M.  Major, like Blaire another german jew

 as this lab runs rampage in the country

unstopped in all their evil

 and Brown was on it too so can't stop them

or they could stop him from the machine

 what sort of country is this

when a rather stupid woman- words of the civil servants

 who used her body not mine, whom she kept on the machine

to keep them horny, is running the whole damned show

 and pretty badly at that- hoping to keep herself young

with her own horny mind and past keeping herself on the machine!

 (I wanted to make you guilty

of all the lab staff had ever done!)

 Wake up you blithering idiots

didn't we have that idiot leading the germans

 and how did that end-

with your stupid circles

 Someone should admit which persons were used

they should not have been used without being told

 as indeed my family should not have been--------

like, I hate the irish, lets have him drunk and rape a two year old

 that is called modern technology and a trial

you are all off your rotten heads

 but blacking all others has always been a british mania

and then destroying them bit by bit

 I DO have enough knowledge to know that

and using anyone and everyone else to do it........

 a lab full of murderers, thieves and liars, female and male

even some of the Nazis were more honest than that

 they had reason for some of their prejudices

the lab women and men are just straight killers

 thank god for american sites, though the lab tortures me remote

at least there is somewhere where the naked truth can be told

 ''we'll show the americans how to do it'' says this low life creature

all that they said was unusable, we will use here and make it work

 hm,as someone said, killing, maiming and ageing by torture

are hardly a skilled occupation for such experts as yous claim TO BE..

 CULTURE LOST

 I teach and also learn a great deal

about many varied things

 on Sunday whilst teaching

I required a young student

to discover these dates

St David's Day

St George's Day

St Patrick's Day

and other such significant days

such as the shortest month

the shortest day in the year

the longest day in the year

and so on and so forth

 My text book was for a specific age

about seven to eight years

 I looked back into my own past

I came to this Isle at nearly eight

and knew all these days

and Saints' days back then-

although the lab St Barths Human Research

has treated us cruelly

has used us as lab animals

after we finished work as their pit ponies

these days give a feel of the country's culture

 but then, I went to Church schools

and loved my schools and all I learnt therein

 and though my mother had a problem

with - girls wear ties, really

and why do socks Have to be long and white

and thick school blazers, what for

we had come to join this nation

not to fight her though now they say they hate us

and the newspapers call my country men

those 'soviet countries'

yet it was Churchill who sold us all to Stalin

at the place Yalta

and my mum said:

you can't blame Roosevelt as he was not a European

and didn't really know the inside story of Europe

as Churchill certainly did

so now from Churchill's betrayal

we are suddenly soviets!!

 Nevertheless when in a country

we work hard to work hard

 and to respect what we have joined

so I was surprised when a shirty mum

stopped me with : but I don't know any of that

and I went to the school up the road

over twenty years ago

and we never learnt that

and so why should my son learn it

 surely when you join a country

at least respect their tradition

 I know America is going through a

'let's be nice to everyone who ever they are'

except the hard working person

as we have that one here too

but when my grandson was at school in America

my son commented that they sang

the national anthem before the Hail Mary

and rightly so I commented

 The Hail Mary is a wonderful thing

I am all for woman glorification

as a grandmother who's been kicked about

(not least by this rotten lunatic London lab)

but one should know who it is

who gives you your bread

whilst you can still be what you are

we are a mixed heritage family-

even my children went to Ukrainian Saturday schools

raised the Uky flag at Uky holiday camps

wrote to Mrs Thatcher about our people

we even have a letter from the afore said

had our beautifully embroidered national costumes

and even danced our own dances

up and down the country

(it helped my daughter with her Greek

in her later theology degree..)

I tell thee this-

the boy didn't know which month Christmas is

though two generations were born here

or how to spell it

I bet he knew when Eid was

but then so do I

so does everybody

because we celebrate all the colonies here-

is there something lacking here I wonder?

  WHAT I HAVE LEARNT

the person who loaded the machine today

had this to tell at eight a.m.

for me and all the world to know:

 I now know there is no law in the land

there is absolutely no law

if someone above wants to break the law

 no one can do a thing about it

this is our democratic West

the same as the East only fed like cattle for the slaughter

 and yesterday loaded onto the machine by the lab bossess:

yes, it is the end of Art

we have destroyed art

 all art is now meaningless

no more than decoration

or an entertainment

 man has fallen from his greatest

by one woman at a corrupt lab

the reformation is ended -the Barbarian has won

 all has been changed in the victim's life

What Edna thought (Edna was my mother in law

voluntary patient at Lincoln Mental Home)

 Diana now thinks (they swap files about!)

all has to be changed

total spin and no one will know

 all will be hidden

as operatives pretend to be specialists

as post, bank accounts and work is again robbed!

 and yes, said the lab over tv, another human Right gone long ago

we are still lasering and stressing and tensing night after night

we want to see  how strong she is when she will collapse

 we hoped we would burst a blood vessel in her head

we are battering as she writes this

or destroy some other organ in her body as others have had

 and then we know at what intensity to make the new weaponry

effectiveness and the activating of cancers amongst all and sundry

we brought these east european DP's here as slaves

 and this is our final use of these modern day slaves of ours

now that they have rebuilt us

for our and the Pakistanis and our colonials use

 be warned we did not heed the warnings...

don't listen to english promises

they are just blather, nothing but blather and no one listens to truth

[mintbaby1012]

Jeongin ♥ Who Do You Love

In which you go over to the boys dorm to hangout and Jeongin gets jealous

dom!Jeongin x fem!reader

WARNING: Suggestive/smut, Fluff, jealousy, very slight angst if u squint.

Word Count: 2998

——————————————————————————

My boyfriend Jeongin had brought me over to his dorm to hang out with him and the boys. Currently I was sitting on the couch playing on the switch with Changbin, Hyunjin, and Chan. Jeongin was next to me watching videos, honestly he looked kinda grumpy and I don't know why.

"Y/n, come help me cook!" Yelled Lee Know from the kitchen so I got up and  ruffled Jeongin's hair causing him to look at me questioningly and I said, "Love you Jeongin!"

I gave him heart fingers before going to the kitchen after seeing him blush and look back at his phone saying nothing in response; honestly kinda disappointed he could've at least returned the heart finger but no. He's been a grump since Chan took me to his room to show me his new figure.

Once I got to the kitchen Lee Know gave me green onions to cut and a knife. "Hey Lee where is the chopping board?" I looked over to him and he was pointing at the cabinet next to me. I tried to grab it but it was pretty high up.

I started to lose my balance then I felt a body against mine holding me up and I got the board down without falling. I turned around and came face to face with Lee know and we just stared at each other for a moment before we heard the door open and Jeongin came in. Lee instantly moved away and went back to the the pot as my love came in,  just looked at me weirdly and went to the fridge grabbing strawberry milk, then left.

"Hey Lee I'll be back I'ma go talk to Jeongin," I said and left the kitchen looking for Jeongin. He wasn't in the living room so I went to his room and found him on his bed. So, I layed down and hugged him while asking, "Why are you being such a grump today?" He looked at me and said, "I'm not I'm just tired and want to watch videos he said and smiled at me kissing my cheek. Which made me happy but honestly I can't tell if his smiles are real at this point anymore he always smiles now.

"Can I have some of your strawberry milk baby?" I asked and he handed it to me so I took a few sips it was soooooo good like fhdfd it's an orgasm in my mouth. I cuddled a little more with him before going back and helping Lee Know cook again.

After we finished cooking the members all helped setting the table. We all sat down and started eating and laughing talking about random things then Lee Know said, "Y/n, open up try this!" He fed me the beef before I could respond, and I looked over to Jeongin who immediately stopped laughing and started eating more.

Eventually it was 10 PM and Chris said I needed to go back to my house so my parents don't get mad and  blame him. So me and Jeongin were on our way back to my house.

"Jeongin really tell me what's wrong I'm tired of you being a grump today!" I stated sternly and he stopped and looked at me. "You, You are what's wrong with me. Every single time I bring you over one of the members is with you not me, and Lee Know sometimes I want to punch him he's always flirting with you , I should be the one flirting with you not him....."

He started walking again leaving me behind while I processed what he just said. Eventually we reached my house and I invited him in because my parents would've gotten onto me if I didn't so we went up to my room to hang out for a bit more but he just got on his phone again. So what do I do, well I take his phone from him and toss it to my floor and exclaimed, "I'm not with them right now but look, look at what you're doing nothing you're not flirting your not even looking at me!"

Jeongin looked at me and said, "Well what do you want me to do i don't even know who you love anymore, so who do you love. Is it him or me because if you can't say I'm the one for sure then I'm walking out the door." Tears were puddling up in my eyes as I said, "You, I love you, I spent most of my high school life begging you to be with me and now you finally are and you have been with me for a year and your asking this. I'm shocked Jeongin."

He looked back at me dead in the eyes and said, "How do I know that, for all I know you could be doing things with them. They're older than you even though I'm older than you too, but they're all pretty experienced they can easily take control over you and your heart so I don't know if you love me anymore... I need proof."

So right after that I kissed him and it wasn't no normal kiss, I kissed him passionately trying to express all my feelings to him. At first jeongin was just wide eyes and shocked then he started moving with me our lips dancing together. I pulled away and asked, "Do you believe me now? Do you now believe that you are the one I love!"

He looked at me pushing back his hair and said, "I definitely believe you do now, sweetness."

I blushed and quietly said, "It's like you're trying to seduce me right now. Pushing you're hair and leaning your head back like that you evil human being."

He looked at me smirking and stated, "So what if I am, you are my babygirl not Chris' or Lee Know's. I'm allowed to seduce you."

I looked up at him confused on why he said that then my eyes widened as I exclaimed, "Did I say that out loud?!?!?!"

Jeongin kept smirking and said, "Yes, you did." Then kissed me again, picking me up and setting me on his lap.

We kept kissing for like 2 minutes till he bit my lip making me whimper and he took that chance to stick his tongue into my mouth sending an shock through my body.

Since when did he know to kiss like this, he's normally innocent only kissing me on the cheek or maybe on the lips but the lips is rare even in private, but right now, I'm not getting any vibes of innocence.

Slowly he worked his way to my jawline kissing it. Then to my neck kissing licking and leaving love bites making me moan quietly.

He got back to my lips and wrapped his arms around my back pulling me as close as he could to him. We kept kissing and my hands were running through his hair making a mess of it, as he layed back onto the bed so that I was on-top of him while he was laying down.

I loosened his grip on my back and worked my way to his earlobe, licking and biting it lightly causing him to whimper from this new feeling to him. I kept on kissing and biting him but now I was at his neck.

I then made my way to Jeongin's collar bone and looked up at him to see him in a dazed state looking at me with pure love. So in that moment I went right back to his collar bone kissing it and biting it, but it wasn't a normal bite I was biting and sucking on his skin to leave a mark; making him moan out, "Y-You're supposed to be innocent y/n, h-how do you know to do this... ngh"

I looked back at him and smirked, "I could say the same thing about you innie your older than me only by a few months."

He just smirked and slid his hand under my shirt exploring my skin. His free hand worked it's way to my ass squeezing it then spanked me as he said, "You've been a bad girl, letting the others fond all over you." He then spanked me again causing me to whimper, but then we both froze and I jumped up off him and he pulled on a hoodie and tried to straighten out his hair, I was at my TV acting like I was gonna grab the switch.

All of that work because we heard my mom coming up the stairs. She opened the door and I lifted the switch out of the holder and looked at her innocently as she said, "It's getting pretty late y/n either Jeongin needs to leave or call Christopher and he can stay in the guest room if he gets permission."

I nodded my head and Jeongin called Chris to ask then after he hung up he spoke to my mom, "He said since it's late he doesn't want me out alone so to stay here and he'll pick me up around 11 tomorrow morning if needed."

She nodded her head but before she left I pleaded, "Mama can Jeongin just stay in here we're mature, I mean we're literally adults in America and you were born and raised there Mama and all I want to do is cuddle with him."

She stood at my door for a few moments before sighing, "Fine but don't do anything that'll be regretted in the long run, understood." She said sternly and me and Jeongin both nodded our heads quickly in response and when she left I put the switch back and jumped back into the bed hugging Jeongin.

We layed there till I fell asleep. Around 2am I woke back up and Jeongin was gone, but I saw the light to the bathroom that was connected to my room was on so I got up and was about to knock on the door but stopped right when I was about to knock. He was moaning I could hear him moaning my name it was quiet but still audible enough for anyone in a five feet radius of the bathroom.

I just stood there wide eyes and blushing off in my own fantasy world not realizing the moaning stopped. Then the door opened and I was snapped out of my world; Jeongin and I stared at each other pretty much talking through our eyes and I turned around quickly and tried running to the bed to hide under covers in embarrassment but he grabbed my arm pulled me into his chest.

He leaned next to my ear and whispered, "Did you hear everything I was doing, sweetness?" I just nodded my head, and he pushed me onto the bed. Before I knew it he had my shirt off and I was exposed because I don't sleep with a bra. He was scanning my entire body, while removing his shirt and pants.

Is this really about to happen am I really gonna lose my virginity right now. As Jeongin's dick sprung free, lustful fear clouded my eyes. Jeongin looked at me softly and said, "Baby I can wait for your v card much much longer, I know you're afraid to lose that but I can't just use my own hands anymore." I looked him in the eyes relived and he pulled me up to stand then pushed me down so I was kneeling on the floor as he was sitting on the bed.

I looked up at him confused on what to do. This is the first time I have seen a dick in real life and it's my boyfriend's as well. He grabbed my hand and place it on his dick. Manually wrapping my hand around it and using it as a toy guiding it up and down his shaft, till I got used to it.

He was now propping himself up on the bed, head back, and moaning out my name and cuss words following it.

I was staring at him trying to figure out what got the best reaction out of him and my conclusion was when I glided my thumb across his tip then blew on it.

Suddenly an idea struck me and immediately I put it into action. My mouth lowered onto his cock wrapping around it and he gasped in surprise, instantly sitting up straight and grabbing a handful of my hair and pushing me down onto his dick all the way causing me to gag.

He started thrusting into my mouth moaning sinnful words of pleasure. Eventually I stopped gagging and lowered my self onto him even more deepthroating him everytime he thrusted into me. "F-fucking hell I'm gonna cum sweetness!" Jeongin moaned out while pulling my head back so that he doesn't cum into my mouth, but I had other plans.

I instantly lowered my mouth back down to his throbbing shaft as he came and I took it all into my mouth. I looked back up at him and he was wide eyed and breathing heavily letting out his last bit of moans looking down at me. I made sure he saw the movement of my throat as I swallowed his cum.

He looked even more shocked and pulled me back up and kissed me while saying, "I love you, I love you so fucking much. I just didn't want to cum in your mouth I didn't want to make your mouth completely dirty..."

I just looked at him and said, "It didn't make my mouth dirty but it did give my taste buds a new favorite snack hehet!"

"Huh, what about me does your oppa get to have a new favorite snack too?" Jeongin asked and I shook my head yes.

Soon enough I was laying on the bed my pussy exposed and his mouth eating me out. I was a moaning mess. Everytime he would flick his tongue against my clit my whole body would jolt in pleasure. Then I felt something enter my pussy and I moaned out his name making him smirk in pride.

He was fingering me and eating me out at the same time. I was a moaning mess and it felt like I was on could nine. My body felt like it was engulfed in honey, he was sending so much pleasure into me just with three fingers and his tongue.

My hands worked their way to his hair pushing his face into me more because I need and want to feel more, I moaned out, "Jeongin, more give me more pleasure I feel something wierd in my stomach and I want more of that feeling!"

He snickered and hummed in response sending a vibration to my clit causing me to practically scream. His actions intensified and my whole body started shaking till I felt a release.

All the pressure that built up in my body was gone and I saw white sparkles floating around. My entire body jolted and I moaned out very loudly Jeongin licked up all my fluids and came back up to me kissing my stomach leaving hickies here and there then kissed my lips as I said, "S-so that's what having an orgasm f-feels like?!" I was completely out of breath.

Realizing that strawberry milk was actually not like an orgasm in my mouth but it was close.

Jeongin looked at me shocked, "You've never had an orgasm before?!?!? Either way I'm glad I was the one to cause it uwo." I just giggled and he got up and cleaned the whole mess. After he was finished cleaning and reclothing the both of us he got back in bed bringing me into his embrace as we fell back asleep enjoying each others embrace.

The next morning I woke up to my mom tapping on my shoulder and whispering, "I'm going to work now, I made some breakfast it's on the table whenever he wakes up remember to brush teeth and hygiene you don't want to look like teenage bums who hate the world, I love you, have a good day!!!" I hummed in response and waved to her goodbye as she left and snuggled back into Jeongin's embrace and fell back asleep.

Thirty minutes later I woke back up to Jeongin trying to get up without waking me, "Good morning innie! Go take care of your hygiene my mom made us breakfast." I said making him jump because I scared him, he nodded his head and pecked me on the lips before leaving to get clean.

#jeongin #jeongin oneshot #i.n. stray kids #jeongin stray kids #smut #fluff #scenario #oneshot #suggestive #jeongin smut #i.n. smut

[thepartyresponsible]

For the wip ask (they all sound very interesting ngl it was hard to pick just one!) LostSteve

lost steve! yeah, so. what if shield defrosted captain america, and he broke out and just...kept running? what if they lost him? what if he ended up hiding out in tony’s tower, away from the fight for long enough to get his feet underneath him?

this fic is mostly about steve and tony finding each other first, so they can form the heart of the avengers, instead of the fault line that splits the team in half. here’s the first part of it.

                                                          —  

There’s an alert from Nick Fury that Tony chooses to ignore, for the sake of his convenience and Fury’s ongoing character growth. JARVIS announces its arrival and then diligently reminds Tony about the message twice before Tony tells him to mute it until morning.

“If it’s really that important,” he says, “they’ll just send someone to break in anyway.”

Which is why, on some level, he’s not at all surprised to find a man sitting on a couch in his penthouse twenty-seven hours later. He will admit to being caught somewhat off-guard by the specifics of the situation, though, because Steve Rogers has been dead for longer than Tony’s been alive.

“Zombie?” Tony asks. “Hallucination? Oh, clone? Are you a clone?”

Steve Rogers looks at him the way people look at wax sculptures. Like he’s interested in the details of the creation in front of him, but doesn’t believe for a second that what he’s looking at is real. “Mr. Stark,” he says, politely. His voice is deeper than Tony would’ve guessed.

“Robot,” Tony theorizes. “Sexbot? Updated Trojan Horse? If I let you inside me, are you gonna--”

The man’s brow furrows, and his mouth twists down, and his eyes are too sad for circuitry. No one would code that kind of grief.

Tony pauses for a moment, rocks forward onto the balls of his feet and then back onto his heels. He studies this intruder carefully. Someone sent him a Steve Rogers lookalike in a white t-shirt and stained khakis. He’s hale and healthy, built like a god, but his feet are bare and dirty.

Bloody, too. There are bloody footprints on the carpet.

“Wait,” Tony says. “Wait. Who the hell are you?”

There’s a long beat of silence. The man on his couch just stares at him, eyes tracing over Tony’s face, his shoulders, looking at him like he’s starving for something. He’s quiet and small, somehow, in a way that doesn’t relate at all to the amount of space his body takes up.

And then he stands, light and graceful on his bloody feet. His jaw tightens, and his shoulders pull up, and he’s an American Hero, suddenly and decisively, like he’s made some kind of choice about it.

“Mr. Stark,” he says, again, “I’m Captain America.”

And he is, Tony thinks. The same way that he’s Iron Man. Because once you put on that kind of armor, whatever else you used to be is irrelevant.

                                                           —

He’s Captain America, and he’s back from the dead. SHIELD had him and lost him, and Nick Fury wants Tony to go looking for him. That’s the message he left with JARVIS over a day ago. And Tony can’t imagine he was the first name on their list, which means Steve Rogers has been alone in the wrong century for an unknown but considerable amount of time.

“Hey,” he says, calling out from where he’s slouched against the kitchen island, watching Captain America dutifully eat through every scrap of leftovers Tony had in the fridge. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here,” he says, through a mouthful of fried rice that he hides behind a napkin. He chews, swallows, and jabs his fork over Tony’s shoulder. “In Brooklyn.”

Tony knew that. Of course he knew that. He memorized everything about Steve Rogers back when he thought he could become enough like him to make Howard consider him worthwhile. “No, I mean,” he says, waving his hands, “in this century. How long have you been--- Jesus. I dunno. Awake? Aware? Unfrosted flakes?”

Steve blinks at him. He stares for a second and then ducks his head, stirs his fork through the open takeout box in front of him. “Spent a couple days,” he says. “Looking around.”

Looking around. Steve Rogers, unwitting time-traveler, barefoot in New York. What had he been looking for? Why did he come here?

“Why didn’t you get any shoes?” Tony asks, instead of any of the more complicated questions.

Steve tucks his feet under his chair. He washed them half an hour or so back, walking uneasily into the bathroom Tony showed him and then locking the door behind him, like he thought Tony was some kind of pervert who would bodyslam through the door to catch a glimpse of him sudsing up his bare ankles.

“Didn’t have any money,” he says, surprisingly mulish about it.

“You couldn’t smash and grab a pair of Sketchers?” Tony shakes his head. “If you get lockjaw, you’re gonna have to tell Fury you caught it from somewhere else. Fuck’s sake, when was your last tetanus booster? 1943?”

He shrugs. He doesn’t seem concerned. He’s busy eating his way through enough calories to keep your average winter-starved grizzly happy.

It’s hungry work, coming back from the dead. Tony remembers the unholy things he would’ve done for a cheeseburger.

“Didn’t have any money,” he repeats, scraping his fork around the sides of the takeout box, diligent and serious, like it’s the very last scrap of food he’ll ever get.

Tony clears his throat, hip-checks the counter to heave himself to standing. “I’ll get you some cash.”

                                                           —

There’s a weird moment, when Tony gives him the money. It’s just a few hundred dollars. He’s not Tony’s problem, not his project raised from the dead, but he still doesn’t want to give Steve Rogers the means to get himself truly lost in a world he doesn’t know.

Five hundred dollars will get him some food and somewhere to sleep for a few days, but it won’t get him far enough out of SHIELD’s orbit to get himself in trouble.

He looks up when Tony gets close. There’s a well-worn wariness in his eyes. He watches him the way a dog from a bad home might watch him through the bars of the shelter’s kennel. Resigned instead of hopeful, like he knows how this goes, like he knows he can survive it.

“Here,” Tony says. He leaves the money two chairs away from him, within easy grabbing distance. “And I have shoes your size, if you want to borrow them.”

“I don’t need that,” Rogers says, pointing at the money.

Tony lets his mouth tip up sideways, smirks like this is the part of the whole situation he finds truly unbelievable. “You’re going to come into my house,” he says, “uninvited, unannounced, and then you’re going to refuse to accept my hospitality? Rogers, what would your mother think?”

There’s a stall point in Roger’s stare, like watching a bird fly into a window. There’s a moment, right around the word mother, when those blue eyes blank out, and Tony’s just staring into empty space.

“She didn’t,” he says, and it’s fascinating. He’s stitching himself up right here at Tony’s dining table. Tony can practically see it happening, vertebrae stacking up, pulling him taunt like a needle tugging on a thread. “She never liked charity.”

Tony is familiar with pride. He has something of an overabundance himself, although he comes by it honestly. He knows hurt pride hates an audience, so he looks away.

“I imagine she hated the idea of you starving, too,” Tony says. “Probably worked very hard to make sure that didn’t happen. Going to waste all her work now, Rogers? Seems ungrateful.”

He’s half-taunting by the end of it. He’s not sure why. He finds weak points like a magnet finds iron. Sometimes he doesn’t even know what he’s pulling on until after he’s accidentally ripped out someone’s heart. It’s not one of the traits he’s proud of, but, like his pride, he knows where it came from.

Rogers glares at him, but he hooks the next takeout container over anyway.

“I’ll get those shoes,” Tony says. JARVIS has already measured; Rhodey left some boots that should fit.

Steve doesn’t say anything, but, when Tony comes back, the money is gone, and so is he.

                                                           —

Tony doesn’t tell Fury a damn thing. If Fury lost a national icon, that’s his problem. And anyway, Tony’s still not completely convinced that the blonde who materialized in his penthouse was actually Steve Rogers and not some kind of really confused, really well-built homeless man. Or a stripper.

Tony’s never actually met a stripper who showed up in khakis, refused to disrobe, and then ate ten pounds of takeout before silently disappearing, but he’d be willing to pay another five hundred dollars for a repeat performance.

He figures out how the maybe-Steve got into his penthouse. He upgrades the security, but he tells JARVIS to let him in if he ever comes back. He’s not sure what he’s hoping for, but he’s too curious to lock him out.

                                                           —

There’s a bit of nothing that kicks off in New York, some Hammer tech that goes haywire. Tony puts it down like the cheap knockoff that it is, but he gets stuck in debrief with Phil Coulson afterwards, because he’s not quite quick enough to abandon the scene after the fight’s over. In his defense, he was holding a car above a partially-trapped bicyclist, and Coulson caught him before the EMTs could finish disentangling her.

He makes it back to the Tower after an hour of mostly-wasted time. Steve Rogers is sitting at his dining table. Tony bites back the ludicrous urge to “honey, I’m home!” him.

“Hey,” he says instead, as he steps in from the balcony, stripped down to the skintight suit he wears under the armor. He didn’t expect company. “You get something to eat?”

Steve seems somehow offended by the question. “I didn’t break in here and steal anything,” he says.

“Okay,” Tony says, moving past him. “Well, that’s a gold star and an empty stomach for you, Rogers. We’re all very proud.”

“It’s not my food,” Steve tells him. If he had hackles, they’d be raised. Tony wants to pat him on the head, but only because he’s always had a sort of neurotic tendency to see how hard people bite before he decides whether to trust them.

“Yeah, and a twenty-dollar grocery bill is really gonna break me,” Tony says. He takes a smoothie out of the freezer. “You want pizza? I’m gonna order pizza.”

Steve stares at him for a long moment before he shrugs. “I could eat,” he says.

“Great,” Tony says. He has JARVIS order three pizzas, because he wants at least half of one for himself, and Steve Rogers is a human garbage disposal.

Steve takes a shower while they’re waiting. He asks first, which Tony supposes is the polite thing to do, and he takes his backpack with him, like he’s worried Tony’s going to steal his wallet.

“You know,” Tony says, when Steve remerges, wearing another knockout set of some grandpa’s Goodwill khakis and button-down shirt, “you keep showing up like this, and it’s gonna get harder for me to lie to Fury about having no idea where you are.”

Steve flips open a pizza box and carefully selects a slice. His hair is wet and neatly combed back from his face. He’s handsome from a distance but damn near devastating at close range. Tony takes another bite of pizza, hopes it’ll help swallow back the urge to sink a few grand into war bonds.

“Fury’s the guy with the eyepatch?” Steve doesn’t settle into a seat. He takes his pizza and wanders over to the window, stares out at the skyline.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Tony says.

Steve makes a face. Tony can see it, dulled and faded, in the reflection on the glass. “He’s persistent,” he says, slowly. Not like it’s a compliment.

“Yeah,” Tony says, again, “that’s him.”

Steve doesn’t say anything else. Tony finishes his slice of pizza, eats another one. There’s an ache in his right shoulder from being wrenched around by Hammer’s ridiculous creation, and he should be icing it, but he doesn’t want to. Not with Steve Rogers here.

He’s never liked looking human in front of an audience. His problem has always been that he couldn’t figure out how to stop. At least, not until he built his armor.

Steve comes back when he’s out of pizza. He’s catlike in his wariness, in the way he seems pissed at Tony for daring to exist in his proximity.

“That fight,” he says, apropos of approximately nothing at all. “Earlier.”

“Oh,” Tony says, rising out of his chair and moving toward the bar, giving Steve the room to loom over the pizza like he’s defending his kill. “You see that on the news?”

“Saw it on the street,” Steve says. “Heard the screams.”

Heard the screams and came running. So he’s still in the hero business. Fury will be happy to hear it.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed,” Steve tells him. He sounds angry about it. At Tony, not the situation. “Where’s your backup?”

“Backup,” Tony repeats. “Cap, c’mon. Read a newspaper. I work alone.”

Steve Rogers looks up from his pizza perusal just long enough to roll his eyes. It should feel like a slap across the face, and maybe it does. However it feels, Tony likes it. Wants more of it. There’s always been something grounding in being dismissed, like Tony’s never known where he stands until someone shows him how he doesn’t measure up.

“Is that supposed to be impressive?” Steve asks. “Men who work alone die alone, Stark. And they’re not very effective when they do.”

Tony knows he’s meant to be offended. He is, probably. But he couldn’t bite back his smile for anything. “I think I liked you better when you called me ‘Mr. Stark.’”

“Seems to me,” Steve says, “you want everyone to call you Iron Man these days.”

“Oh Captain, my Captain,” Tony says, “surely they had that line about glass houses in the ‘40’s?”

Steve frowns at him. “I never asked anyone to call me Captain America.”

“And yet,” Tony says, tipping a bottle of whiskey his direction, “that’s how to introduced yourself to me.”

Steve gives him a look like he thinks Tony’s being deliberately obtuse. “That’s who I am,” he says.

Tony rolls his eyes and flips a tumbler right side up. “But when I start using a stage name,” he says, “suddenly I’m a narcissistic asshole who doesn’t--”

“Do you think,” Steve says, looming up suddenly, shifting gears like something mechanical, going battle-ready with more decisiveness than a faceplate clicking down, “that anybody spent years, spent—I don’t know. Millions of dollars? Do you think anybody did that for Steve Rogers?”

Tony’s caught wrong-footed. He did it again. Drilled until he found the nerve, cut until he broke the skin.

“I think you don’t get one without the other,” Tony says, trying now to soothe. But he’s not very good at it. His instincts don’t run this direction. His whole life, the only things he could ever repair were machines.

Steve shakes his head. He steps away from the pizza. He looks around, eyes zeroing in on his backpack.

“Stay here,” Tony says, sidling out from behind the bar, whiskey now in hand.

Steve straightens up like a cobra, like he’s going to spit venom in Tony’s face. Tony wants to put his mouth on him, which is probably only half because he’s always been hellbent on his own destruction. The other half is that Steve Rogers is beautiful like something made in a lab for aesthetics alone, carefully designed for universal appeal. Tony likes to tell himself he has a taste for the exclusive, but the reality has always been he wants exactly what everyone else does.

“You don’t want SHIELD to find you,” Tony says, “then stay here. Trust me, this is the last place they’d think to look.”

He’s not standing between Steve and the exit. He was careful about that. Whatever SHIELD might think about him, he doesn’t have a death wish. And also, when he’s thinking about it, he’s not usually deliberately an asshole. It’s just that, most of the time, he’s not thinking about it.

“Why should I trust you?” Steve asks.

Tony shrugs. Hell, he has no idea. “Why’d you come here? The first time. When SHIELD lost you, you came here. Why?”

“I went home,” Steve says, argumentative, all squared shoulders and tight jaw. “I went to Brooklyn. But it wasn’t there anymore. None of it was—I couldn’t find…”

He trails off, shakes his head, sharp and agitated, a horse bothered by a fly. It’s hard to look in his eyes. There’s something in them that Tony doesn’t want to see. It’s like watching a statue bleed.

“I heard there was still a Stark in New York,” Steve says. “I read about you. I thought maybe you’d--”

“You thought I’d be like Howard,” Tony finishes for him. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“I thought you’d be like me,” Steve says, which doesn’t make any sense at all.

“You,” Tony says. And then, a little helplessly, “What?”

Steve looks away. He shrugs, looks back. “I saw the suit,” he says. “On the news. I saw what it can do. I didn’t think--- things have advanced a lot. I didn’t understand. I thought Howard had…”

Tony squints at him. “You thought Howard did a Rebirth redux and tested it on his kid?”

“I thought a lot of things,” Steve says, snappy. “It was a very confusing couple of days.”

Tony can imagine that it was. “So you thought I was Rebirthed, and you wanted--”

“I didn’t want anything,” Steve says, and there’s that flash of exposed nerve again, that look like a sinkhole in the backs of his eyes. “That’s not the point.”

Tony takes a sip of his whiskey. It settles, warm and sweet, into his stomach.

I didn’t want anything.

I shouldn’t be alive, unless it’s for a reason.

Tony holds the tumbler out. Steve needs the warmth more than he does. “Here,” he says.

Steve takes it, seemingly on reflex. “I can’t get drunk,” he says.

“Well,” Tony says, circling back toward the bar, “not with that attitude.”

#writing #fic

[sineala]

Captain America: The Great Gold Steal

I wrote this up last week because I did not have access to my usual comics files but I figured I could review something that was just a book. So here is a review of the 1968 Captain America novel Captain America: The Great Gold Steal by Ted White, with an introduction by Stan Lee. I really liked it, actually! It was surprisingly good!

This novel features: Cover art of Captain America holding his shield in one hand and a very large gun in the other! A scene where the villains dramatically unmask Captain America and have absolutely no idea who he is! Captain America being extremely, extremely depressed about being in the future! Captain America dropping acid!

(I'm not kidding about the last part. In this novel there is a lot of LSD use. By Captain America. Talk about something the Comics Code wouldn't ever let you put in a comic book. Thank you, 1968.)

Faithful readers may remember that some time ago I posted reviews of Marvel prose novels from the 1970s. There was a line of prose novels featuring everyone's favorite Marvel superheroes, published by Pocket Books in the late 70s; I have reviews of the Iron Man, Captain America, and Avengers entries in the series; I liked the Iron Man one best, and I also have a Doctor Strange one I have not yet read. They're all short and action-packed paperback reads, of varying quality; the only one by anyone you might have heard of is the Avengers one, which was written by David Michelinie, who was actually writing the Avengers run at the time. That one was, um. An experience. 

(Yes, it's "prose novel" because otherwise the assumption is "graphic novel.")

Marvel still publishes prose novels now, of course, also of varying quality; some are new plots and some are straight-up novelizations of comics arcs, which I guess is useful if you want to, say, read Civil War and not look at pictures at the same time. I also have a bunch of those that I could probably review if anyone wants. But, anyway, I personally am particularly intrigued by the older Marvel prose novels, both because the stories are all original and not retellings, and also because I often prefer the characterization found in older comics. And the older prose novels of course use the then-current characterization. So reading a Marvel prose novel from 1979 is like getting to read a brand-new comic from 1979, and that's a whole lot of fun for a nerd like me. Also do you know what's not subject to the Comics Code? Prose novels. So things can happen in these that definitely could not happen in comics of the same era.

This brings me to my current prose novel, which is something else entirely. I mean, okay, not really, it's still a Marvel prose novel. But it's not part of the same line. It's actually a lot older.

Bantam Books actually published Marvel prose novels in the late 60s. Yep, a full decade earlier. They published exactly two, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that they were probably not bestsellers. The first one, which I do not own and now sort of want to track down, was an Avengers novel in 1967, The Avengers Battle the Earth-Wrecker. And then in 1968 they published the novel I am currently holding in my hands, Captain America: The Great Gold Steal by Ted White.

(I am still not sure why no one involved in titling this book thought of the word "theft.")

Judging by the back copy, it appears to be about Captain America foiling the villains' dastardly plan to steal gold from the Federal Reserve. Oh boy. Fun.

So this book is from 1968. The modern Marvel universe had kicked off just a few short years ago! Captain America was just getting his own solo book after the end of Tales of Suspense! And here's a novel about him, back when certain elements of his characterization were perhaps a little more flexible than they are today, by which I mean that the cover art -- which the internet informs me was painted by Mitchell Hooks -- is a striking full-body portrait of Captain America, head held high, shield in one hand... and a very large gun in the other. Hell, yeah. Not gonna see that in today's Cap comics, are you? It's amazing and I love it.

(Okay, you might see that in Ults. I'm pretty sure I have seen that in Ults, actually. But this is still cool.)

So the cover art is a definite plus, and apparently it's one of the few reasons anyone has ever heard of this novel. The other reason -- and the reason this is more expensive than the later novels, I assume -- is that Stan Lee's name is slapped on the cover, because he wrote an introduction. (I think I paid about $30 for this. The others were definitely under $20.)

All right. Here we go.

The first page is actually a brief summary of Steve's origin story, but not a version I was familiar with. Steve was born July 9, 1917 (yes, I was surprised too), was orphaned at a young age, and was a student at Columbia University (!) before Rebirth, which in this version is a gradual process that is also extremely body-horror. Steel tubing was inserted into the marrows of his bones. He was fed "high-protein compounds." Then they gave him a chemical that "gave him complete control over every nerve, muscle, and cell in his now-magnificent body." Sweet. Where can I get some of that?

The blurb also confirms his control over his own metabolism as well as his healing factor ("wounds would heal in half the normal time"), which is nice, because sometimes I wonder if canon even remembers the healing factor.

(I don't know why Marvel has this kink for filling people's bones with metal, though. It's not actually empty in there, guys! You need your bone marrow! How else do you want people to make new blood cells?)

The book is dedicated to "Jack Kirby and Stan Lee, without whom there would be no Captain America." Hey, Marvel, Joe Simon would like a word with you. I'm just saying.

The Stan Lee introduction is three paragraphs written in Stan Lee's, um, inimitable, distinctive and extremely florid narrative style -- if you've read any of his work, you know what I mean -- and making the point that Captain America is incredible and you will like him. If you are just discovering him for the first time, you will definitely like him. Okay. Thanks. I guess.

Oddly, the writing style here is substantially different than any of the other Marvel prose novels I've read; it doesn't immediately front-load you with exposition and a cast of colorful superheroes. It opens with a sort of James Bond spy-novel feel, running through a series of unnamed villains and bystanders, and a man who wants nothing more than to talk to Captain America but is killed before he can. Steve comes in halfway through the chapter, and he seems to be written for a reader who doesn't necessarily know who he is, and he isn't introduced as Captain America with his shield flying ahead of him to smite evildoers, or anything like that. He's just a tall, handsome blond guy who is reading a bunch of novels and is unsatisfied by all of them because all he can think of is the past. It's definitely an attitude I would expect from Steve in this era -- he is very much a Man Out Of Time here -- but it's also not how I expected the book to introduce him. You wouldn't even know he was Captain America by the end of the opening chapter, which then ends with a digression about the history of NYC subway tunnels. It's like it wants to appeal to someone who has watched a bunch of Man from UNCLE and just wants to read a cool thriller. Which is not at all what I was expecting.

By the beginning of the second chapter, of course, we discover that Steve is Captain America, as he changes into his uniform. The narration refers to him as Rogers when it's in his POV, if anyone is curious. He apparently keeps the cowl off in the mansion, because the cowl annoys him.

It was not so much that he needed to conceal his identity these days, because for all intents and purposes he had no other identity. Steve Rogers was officially dead, and had been for almost twenty years. Captain America *was* his identity. It was only when he donned the tight-fitting blue uniform with its shield chest-emblem, the red snug-fitting leather boots, and the heavy, yet pressure-sensitive red-leather gauntlets, that he began to feel real -- a complete human being.

Steve? Buddy, are you okay there? You're really not okay, are you, huh?

You see what I mean? They're really hitting the early-canon angst. Hard.

(Also it sounds like his uniform is a few sizes too small.)

We then get an expanded version of the backstory from the beginning excerpt. In this version of canon, Steve actually has an older brother, Alan, who is handsome and athletic and basically amazing, and when they are orphaned they are raised by their aunt and uncle. Steve gets TB twice as a kid, nearly dies from it, and when the stock market crashes, ends up separated from his brother and in an orphanage after his uncle loses everything.

(Honestly if I were writing this book, his brother would be the secret villain. Chekhov's Gun!)

Steve has glasses, gets bullied, is a nerd and an honor student, and studies law at Columbia because he wants to help stop fraudulent business practices and also fight organized crime. Legally, I mean. In a manner relating to law. I guess he's sort of like Daredevil. The lawyer part of Daredevil.

And then he joins Rebirth, and this is the part where I had to put the book down for several minutes, because Erskine's secret chemical, the key to making super-soldiers... is LSD.

Oh my God. You should see my face right now. My expression is, I am sure, indescribable. I'm trying not to wake the dog up laughing.

I just. Holy shit. This book is from 1968 in a way I definitely was not expecting. What the fuck, Marvel?

This project was headed by the brilliant biochemist, Dr. Erskine. His work with the endocrine system, and chemical body control, was well beyond that of his contemporaries. Only he, of all his colleagues, had fathomed the secrets of the Swiss Dr. Hoffman's 1938 discovery -- the mind-controlling LSD-25.

Let's just pause here for a few minutes and contemplate this.

I will point out that Albert Hofmann (yes, the book spelled his name wrong) didn't actually discover that LSD was a hallucinogen until 1943 when he accidentally tried it, but I am positive that 1968 here was a time when Some People were convinced LSD was a wonder drug. I'm still laughing. As far as I can tell, legal manufacturing of it stopped in 1965 so I am pretty sure that the author did not just decide to name a drug that had an ostensible legal therapeutic use, because it wouldn't have still had one by '68.

Anyway, in this version of events, Rebirth is a month-long process that involves a lot of vitamins, physical conditioning and training, and, yes, putting metal in his bones like he's the next Wolverine. They're filling his bones with stainless steel rods to make him stronger. That doesn't seem like a great idea to me, but I am also not sure about dropping acid to gain superpowers. Clearly I am not a genius scientist. Also Erskine knows what DNA is, apparently, because he's just that great. Anyway. Other than the metal, those all seem like relatively normal interventions. So far.

Now Steve has become fairly big and strong (and I guess he still has metal in his bones? this concerns me!) but they need to make him superhuman, so, yes, really, it's time to drop acid. Several pages of this book are devoted to describing Steve's acid trip. His acid trip is amazing and he discovers that he has conscious control of his entire body down to the cellular level. He can control the adrenaline in his bloodstream! He can tighten his muscle fibers! And when he's done tripping he still remembers how to do this, if not exactly on a conscious level, but he can still access the abilities. And that is how you make a super-soldier. It's LSD. Remember, kids, drugs are awesome! Do drugs!

Let's maybe take a few more minutes to think about this.

I just. I have no words. How did anyone at Marvel agree to print this?

I think for the most part superhero origin stories tend not to involve real drugs because people are generally aware that drugs they've heard of won't make you into a superhero. I guess this is what it looks like when you invoke the names of real drugs. They probably wanted something that sounded more realistic but somehow I don't think this was the best way to go. (Radiation, of course, will definitely make you into a superhero but I feel like most people have accepted that as one of the conventions of the genre.)

Anyway, after that Erskine gets killed by Nazis, of course, and Steve goes to war, and for some reason this book contains footnotes by Stan Lee himself listing the comics you can read all of this in. Just like the actual comics do!

We are introduced to Bucky, who for some reason is also from the LES in this version, although not anyone Steve knew before the war, and there is of course a description of Bucky's tragic death and Steve's subsequent icing.

They are really, really stressing the Man Out Of Time thing here:

No other man could have survived so fantastic a voyage through time. And no other man could feel so displaced by time.

He was a man twenty years in his own future. By rights, he should be nearly fifty years old -- nearly twice the age of his fellow Avengers. Yet his mind and his body were not yet thirty.

When the Avengers had brought him back to New York with them and insisted that, as an honored hero of the past, he join them, he felt a sort of melancholy homesickness for his own time and world.

We then get a few paragraphs with the usual being sad that he let Bucky down and got him killed, and also that he misses his family, and that Steve Rogers doesn't exist anymore, and that nobody is alive who remembers him, and that war is hell.

Hey, Steve, maybe the drugs you should do are antidepressants. Just a thought.

Also, this book is 118 pages and we're not out of the origin story flashback until page 34. I think there are some pacing issues here.

Actually, I lied, the flashback keeps going, but now we're up to the Avengers finding him, and I have to say that the list of things Steve finds strange about the future is kind of charming when the future is 1968. Men have long hair! Women have shorter skirts! Everyone is kind of blasé about rocket launches because there have been so many space missions now. (Oh, come on, you haven't even landed on the moon yet, 1968! You're not that blasé.) Color TV! And, excitingly, LPs! You can now listen to 36 minutes of consecutive music. (I actually don't know what previous standard he's describing that is a ten-inch record that holds six minutes a side because I don't think 45s are that big. Yeah, no, I just checked and 45s are seven inches in diameter. Hmm. Oh, never mind. He means 78 rpm, doesn't he? In my defense, the record player my family had when I was a kid didn't play those.)

The description of Steve coming into New York for the first time is definitely written by someone who knows New York, which is fun. There is generally a lot of local flavor to the setting of this book. That’s one of the best parts.

There is a brief summary of Steve's feelings about all the Avengers -- he is most impressed by Thor, which, I mean, fair, he's an actual god -- and Hank telling him all about how he can live in Tony's mansion. With Jarvis. Who Hank says is actually from Flatbush. Apparently Steve spent a lot of time at the NYPL branch at 5th and 42nd trying to catch up on history. And then of course the Avengers ditched him and gave him the Kooky Quartet, and for some reason they're not here right now either so it's just Steve being sad and alone and dealing with this mysterious dead guy. I think probably the book is also done explaining fiat currency now. This is definitely the weirdest Marvel novel I've read.

Anyway, we have now returned to what is ostensibly the actual plot. Steve shows up at the New York Federal Reserve Bank (I guess the theft is happening here and not, like, at Fort Knox) with the gold bullion that the dead guy from the beginning of the book had on him -- I think I got distracted by the LSD bit and forgot to mention that part, but the dead guy was carrying some US government gold -- because the actual plot is that villains are trying to tunnel into the bank vault and steal gold. Steve discovers this after he gets the bank manager to give him a tour. The bank manager tries to refuse, citing security concerns -- Captain America could be anyone under that mask, after all! Steve just smiles and says, "If I removed my mask, would you have any better idea of who I am?" and I guess that's a flawless argument because he gets his tour.

(I'm sorry, all I can think of is that one gif from the JLA cartoon where Lex Luthor bodyswaps with the Flash, announces that now that he's in the Flash's body he's going to discover the Flash's secret identity, then pulls off his own mask, stares at himself in the mirror, and says, "I have no idea who this is.")

Given that the theme of Steve's interior life in this novel is "Steve Rogers died twenty years ago" it seems even more sad that Steve is just walking around basically saying, yeah, well, I'm nobody. And apparently that is being reaffirmed for him by the narrative.

So Steve goes down the tunnels, takes out some of the bad guys, and gets himself knocked out and buried in a collapsing tunnel. Don't worry, he's gonna be fine.

A lot of this book, by the way, is from the POV of random people, like this bank guard who went with Steve into the tunnels:

He had wondered, briefly, if a man like Captain America ever knew the pinch of too many bills, had ever felt desperate over the arrival of yet another mouth to feed. But, of course, Captain America had no family, and would hardly concern himself with such matters. It didn't occur to Thompson to wonder if this in itself might not be something for which to pity Captain America.

Rude. I mean, come on, do we really need random characters telling us Steve is a sad sack whom nobody loves? Steve's already got that covered!  (Also, how does this guy know Captain America has no family?)

Anyway, thanks to the power of LSD, Steve is going into a trance, amping up his metabolism (he loses "several pounds" in a few minutes), and making himself super-strong so he can dig himself out. Hooray. This is definitely how human bodies work. Also LSD. This is definitely how LSD works. Yes.

Steve then finds out that a couple of the guards who were with him in the tunnels died down there and he goes home and eats dinner while stewing in miserable guilt because he was responsible for their deaths. He's really not okay. I'm not sure the book actually understands how not okay they have made him. Then someone from SHIELD is on the phone for him and he is briefly cheered up by the thought that it might be Sharon although I think we should also note that the narrative makes it clear that at this point in canon Steve still doesn't know her name. Remember when that was a thing?

Alas, it is not Sharon; it's just a random SHIELD agent who happens to have information about the plot and asks to meet. Then, as Steve leaves to go to the meeting, we get two pages of exhaustive description about the mansion layout and how it's built relative to the surrounding buildings. It feels like this book was written by a frustrated city planner. But anyway, the meeting is a setup and the villains capture Steve.

They knock Steve out, drug him, take him to their hideout, and tie him to a chair. Except, once again thanks to the power of LSD, the tranquilizer they're using wears off way sooner than they expected and so Steve feigns unconsciousness and listens to them discuss their evil plans.

And then the villains unmask him and I swear it's exactly like that JLA gif:

Rogers heard footsteps scuffing across a thick carpet, and then Sparrow's voice again, almost directly over him. His ears still buzzed, but he fought to catch the elusive familiarity of the man's tone. He wished he dared open his eyes.

"This is a moment which I, personally, have long awaited," Sparrow said, his voice rising in triumph. "*The unmasking of Captain America!*"

Then, his nails scraping along Rogers' face, Sparrow dug his fingers under his cowl, and ripped it back. Rogers felt air strike his exposed cheeks and forehead. Then fingers clutched his blond hair and pulled his head back. "Behold!" Sparrow said.

Raven was first to speak. "Well, I dunno about you, Sparrow, but it rings no bells with me. I never seen him before."

Starling agreed. "His face means nothing to me."

"He could be anybody," said Robin. "What good does this do?"

Sparrow let Rogers' head fall back to his chest, and his voice when he spoke was defeated. "I don't know. Nothing, I guess. I always wondered. I felt, if these guys -- these costumed heroes -- wore masks, it must mean something."

"Captain America was missing for twenty years," Starling said. "That could mean the first one died, and this one took his place. He looks awfully young."

"Perhaps. It doesn't really matter. Let's get going."

(Yes, the villains all have bird-themed codenames. I have no idea why.)

This scene just makes my day. I love dramatic unmaskings. I bet they'd have been a lot happier unmasking Iron Man.

The villains then leave Steve and go to a power plant, where we switch POVs to one of the plant employees and get two entirely unnecessary paragraphs about his racist and anti-Semitic thoughts about his coworkers before the villains murder him. Great. Thanks.

Anyway, the villains cause a blackout, while meanwhile they've left Steve alone with the girl villain, and Steve is busy trying to persuade her that crime doesn't pay. He's moved from the "do you know what they'll do to you in prison?" theme onto "how exactly are you going to spend a billion dollars in gold bullion when it's illegal for civilians to possess? who are you going to do business with?" and then points out that gold is heavy and hard to transport, which is when she gets out a a knife.

The bad guys are off to steal the gold, and Steve has now successfully turned the girl they left him with, because she frees him. Of course, the first thing he does is put the cowl back on.

"Why do you wear that?" she asked.

"The mask?" He smiled. "It gives people something external to concentrate upon."

"But..."

"Without it, I'm just another ordinary-looking man. With it, I become a symbol. For some people it creates awe; for others, fear. Look at me. I'm different now, aren't I? With the mask on."

"Yes," she nodded. "You look -- bigger, somehow. Stronger. Fierce, implacable. You look a little scary."

"Exactly. You no longer see me as a person, but as a thing -- an Avenger. It can be a potent psychological weapon."

"They were so disappointed, when they took your mask off. As though underneath they'd find a famous person."

"Maybe that goes on TV -- handsome playboys, and all that. But I've been anonymous all my life. Even my real name would be meaningless to you, to them. No, the mask is part of the uniform, a psychological device. That's the whole story.

Now: let's get out of here. You have a good deal more to tell me yet, and we can't waste more time."

Bwahaha. In a few years, Steve's going to be pretty surprised about who superheroes are, I think.

STEVE, now: Superheroes definitely aren't secretly handsome playboys! That would be silly! STEVE, after Molecule Man: fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK I'm such an idiot

I'm definitely looking forward to that.

Also, not that the issue of Steve's psyche actually recurs after this, but he's once again having the narrative vindicate his belief that Steve Rogers is dead and whoever he is under the cowl doesn't matter. Steve, I don't think this is very healthy.

Steve then tracks down the villains stealing the gold, has some geopolitical thoughts about where the gold could be going (he thinks either South Africa or Russia for the best laundering potential) and then hides himself in the villains' trunk while they drive to Staten Island, which is where they're taking the gold out of the country from.

During the final confrontation, Steve finally gets to see the villains, and he discovers that the one in charge is in fact the director of the Federal Reserve Bank who Steve met at the beginning of this book. Gasp. But that's not all! He's also... the Red Skull!

Honestly, I was kind of surprised; I didn't think this was the kind of book where we'd get any known comic villains, but I guess it's always gotta be the Red Skull. I think he's the only one of Steve's big villains who likes to disguise himself; Zemo has obvious disguise issues and I imagine it's also hard to cover up Zola's Teletubby-esque television body.

Steve shoots one of the villains, because I guess that's what he does in this era of canon.

So the plot wraps up in, like, two pages, because for some reason all these early Marvel novels wrap up very fast. Red Skull, of course, attempts to escape and then disappears and his body is never found. The end.

Well.

That was definitely a book. That I read. Believe it or not, I actually think it was the best of these early Marvel prose novels that I've read so far, even if it was also the absolute weirdest; I thought the thriller-style plot was entertaining, I liked Steve and his Extremely Sad characterization, I obviously enjoy all the identity themes, I liked how very detailed the New York setting was, and I do like how they tried to treat it all seriously. I mean, sure, this did lead to LSD in the super-soldier serum in presumably the name of realism, but I felt like the book was trying to present superheroes in a way that didn't feel silly and also didn't really take for granted that the reader would automatically accept superheroes.

It felt like a book that was written hoping that people who weren't superhero fans would read it, if that makes any sense. And I thought that was interesting, because most modern superhero work that I can think of assumes they've got complete audience buy-in and everyone is willing to suspend their disbelief and we all know the genre conventions and are expecting people running around in brightly-colored spandex. Whereas this is more like a James Bond novel if for some reason James Bond were called upon to defend his decision to wear brightly-colored spandex instead of bespoke suits. But I assume no one read it, because Bantam never published a Marvel book after this one.

If you can actually find a copy of this one for a price you're willing to pay. I recommend it. It was delightful and way more solid than I thought it was going to be.

Also, come on, you know you want to read about Captain America's acid trip.

#posts i actually wrote

[sirensmojo]

"KINDRED",3 - Tommy Shelby x Reader.

Summary: Tommy meets a librarian that he discovered to be the chief of an underground organisation. Needing man enough allies to dirty their hands in the battle against Oswald Mosley, he shakes hands with the devil. Feelings intertwine with business, a mix that leads to unalterable ends...

Warnings: Swearing, drugs, romance, drama & cheating.

Word Count: 5K

❰ ​Previous Chapter

*Shelby Brother Company Limited, Birmingham*

“Michael’s a pain in the ass.”

You and Tommy were seated one in front of the other in Tommy’s office, it was almost midnight.

You both stared at each other after your affirmation, the need to formulate words obsolete, when all of a sudden, a hiccup hit your throat.

“Wow.” Your brows raised, along with your free hand, patting over your chest.

Only the booze could bring them to talk, but they would forget everything the next morning, or that, they pretended so. Everything the other would say was rooted in the other’s heart, as a prize.

“I could maybe try something.” You calmly spoke, as if a flash of thunder lightning struck some idea into you.

You two had dirty hands and were capable of taking care of yourselves, but those past three, you got each other’s back.

Without knowing it, you were keeping a close eye on the business of the other just in case.

If the Peaky Blinder found something wrong concerning your business, he would take care of it, in the shadows of course.

No need to tell you he quite cared when he wasn't sure himself.

It was also working the other way, you had ears at each side of the continent, you what had happened to the Shelby politician without him telling you, and straightened back up every shaky thing.

“ ‘Bout what?” Tommy asked, pouring some more whiskey in the cup resting in your other hand.

‘The two partners trying to get rid of Mosley’ had become an excuse. The silence each brought to the other was addictive, and the days between each meeting only amplified that obsession.

“Speak sense to his wife. Given the situation, I think both the weak and tuff points of Michael’s scheme are her.”

Tommy frowned, thinking deeper about what you told. You weren’t entirely wrong, he doubted Michael would’ve betrayed him without the support of somebody.

“He was pushed to one side, a little push to the other one will make him think right.” Y/L/N got further.

An evening meeting was programmed weekly.

You started meeting at the library during the first week. Then, the Shelby Brother Company Limited’s office, catching the attention of another member of the Shelby family.

“You think it’ll be this easy?” The peaky blinder asked, sprinkling ash onto the ashtray that was on the table that separated you two.

“It’ll have to.” You responded.

Polly was the first one to confront Tommy directly about the presence of a very well dressed woman far too often in the offices.

“Her hair is nice.” She added, smoking on her cig looking intently at Tommy's gleaming eyes at the mention of the so-called “librarian”.

Because that was how he presented Y/N. A girl from an aristocratic family searching for exoticism and bought a library.

He and you were to work together solely due to his status at the House of Commons, none more none less.

But the Gray woman knew better, even if she refused to push the matter further.

“May God keep Arthur away from her, he’ll eat her for his lunch.” Pol’ tease before she shook her head at her own statement as Tommy coughed away this whole discussion.

(...)

Three knocks could be heard on the Gray’s room door in the Midland hotel.

The entrance opens, “Told you I’ll join you in a minute, Gin--” Michael’s voice stopped as soon as his wife abruptly pushed her shoulders to his to enter the room.

“What are you doing?” One of his hands was in his suit pocket, the other one grabbing the door handle.

She hassled to the phone, dialling a number without even glancing at the Gray.

“Gina?” Asked the man, looking intently at the movements of the woman, blinking slowly.

She refused to address him, waiting patiently until the person she was calling responded.

“What is going on? What do you mean our contacts were offered another deal?”

Michael went closer, and as he was sitting on the desk chair, leaning backwards on it, he started to understand what was going on.

“Anyway, we can still offer them to prosper durably, that man can’t say the same, right?”

She rolled her eyes at herself after remaining silent for some minutes, she was listening to the individual at the end of the line.

It was more than clear she was done with everything.

She wasn’t even slightly “happy” to be in the shit hole that was Birmingham as she, herself, qualified multiple times. The only reason she was here was that Michael didn’t want to properly betray his cousin.

He convinced her to come here and resonate with Tommy about a “normal succession”, but she knew damn well it wouldn’t work. Why would he give everything he spent so much time to gather under the pretext of succession?

Tommy wasn’t the type to give up things, for any reason.

And now that they were away from New York, their allies already started to forget about their promises…

Why did she even agree to let Tommy a chance?

“He didn’t fall for Michael’s plan. We will have to do it our way.” She seemed happy at least, to finally be able to handle the matter how she wanted to, which was the only good news about this call.

When the receptionist asked for her at the restaurant, she’d expected to be told all was ready there and that Michael would only have to give the order for the plan to begin. But no.

Gina hung up the phone before she lifted her eyes to her husband that was staring at her, patiently waiting.

“It was my uncle, some man going by the name of Haynes met with all of our contacts, offering them a greater alliance directly with the Chinese, without needing us as intermediaries.” She finally spoke.

The younger Gray looked away, clenching his jaw as a hand came over his face. He let out a long sigh, his body voicing his displeasure. But his wife’s hand came on his shoulder as she leaned on his back, and murmured near his ear:

“But. He says it’s looking like the perfect time to launch plan B, baby.” She grabbed his chin as she turned around to stand in front of him.

“He says it’ll show them we can also ‘bang’ if it’s needed. It’ll be like showing our hand, and in this case, this is the thing to do.”

One of her hands was on Michael’s thigh as the other was still holding his face so he was looking at her. It was a way to say “focus on me” without actually saying it.

As the man was diving into her brown eyes, it seemed she succeeded at keeping him from thinking too much. She gave answers before he could even formulate questions.

By his silence, Gina surmised Michael still wasn’t sure about the plan.

“We did it your way Michael, coming all the way up here to your cousin’s chaotic decisions. Things need to get in order, baby. And it seems like you’re the one that cares enough to do so.” The words left her mouth so lightly as she straightened up and turned her back to her husband.

“We need to go back to America as soon as possible. You promised our child will be born there.” She added, glancing at him above her shoulder.

(...)

Arthur and the boys had convinced Tommy to relax at the Garrison after a long day. Even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he slammed the doors open to a packed place.

Ahead of them were approximately twenty women, all dolled up as if coming from the Eden club in London. Very short hair with the golden headband with feathers, embroidered pearls on their cotton dresses made it known they were from high society.

Some of them were dancing in the middle of the room, while others were singing on the counter zigzagging between glasses and bottles.

It was the first time Tommy had seen most of those people.

He was actively searching their faces trying to locate the reason for their presence when his eyes confirmed his thought. You were dancing, turning on yourself holding the hand of a taller woman.

You had on a black & red dress going down to your knees with a black and gold headband that flattened your hair, forcing your finger waves to frame your face. Your slow and haunting movements were wrinkling the fabrics, complementing your silhouette.

As you were spinning around, the fringes of your dress were flying in the air as well as your hair, adding to your alluring dance.

Your cheeks, certainly reddened by the alcohol and your half-opened eyes due to you boozing with the huge grin that illuminated your face, made Tommy’s eyes twinkle. As if it was a beautiful night sky full with stars he was looking at.

“Who’s that Tommy?” Arthur questioned entering right after the Shelbys head.

“Get in the room, I’ll bring the bottles.” Tom’s low voice ordered as he motioned to the little room near the counter.

Finn and Isaiah hassled to the room without wasting any more minutes, too appealed by the idea of getting drunk while Arthur leaned to his brother’s ear.

“Look at that butterfly Tommy, isn’t she lovely?” He asked after he caught the reason for Tommy's order.

The latter dismissed the discomfort with a rough cough, turning to his brother.

“What about you fetch the bottles, eh?” He simply put, and that was enough for Arthur to leave it there.

“Whiskey for the peaky boys!” He exclaimed as he patted Tommy’s shoulder. He managed his way behind the counter, after which, he took what he was searching for and disappeared behind the large doors of the little room he closed behind himself.

Tom stayed there, looking at you for some time trying to understand which one of the facades he had seen was the real you.

You were now sitting on your friend's lap, legs crossed, your lips were alternating between a long cigarette holder and a glass of what Tommy surmised to be whiskey knowing the character.

Giving up on searching for an answer, he turned his heels and joined his brothers as if nothing had happened.

(...)

Coming out of the car, you looked both ways before crossing the street and joining the large wooden door, a hand in your suit’s pocket, the other leading a cigarette to your lips.

You pushed in the door and were met by two pairs of eyes. A tall young white man, with a dark-skinned one, wearing berets.

Without second glancing at them, you confidently walked to the stairs at the end of the large room, making this place your own.

Your heels resonated on the cold hard ground, and as they did, each man in the building turned to you, staring in both awe and confusion.

Coming down the stairs, you passed by the three little training rings before you sat down at a little table in front of one of them. It was two men fighting, one who had a luxuriant moustache hiding his upper lips, freckles sprinkling his face.

He was screaming at the other one with a thick Birmingham accent, “Come ‘ere, boy.”

“Hit me! Hit me!” His tone was louder each time.

The poor man ahead of him didn’t dare to punch, which he certainly regretted after he received a strong right fist in the jaw.

Only a couple punches later the loud man succeeded at putting down the other that was wincing in pain.

“Yeaa” The moustache man exclaimed before being interrupted by one of the two boys you saw earlier.

“Arthur! There’s a--” He stopped dead at the sight of you, and you put your cig in between your lips as you got up, beginning to applause.

The sound resonated against the walls as no one was making any noise. You grabbed back the cigarette with your fingers and moved closer.

“Do you fight? I know great opponents,” you paused, feigning to think. “not so sure they will stand even for a round with you.” You clicked your tongue, tilting your head.

They both looked at you up and down for a whole minute before the named Arthur opened his mouth, even if still struggling to properly breathe, he smacked his lips as his hands went flattening his hair.

“Searching for exotism, love?” He grabbed the towel he was handed by a small chubby man with a hat. “Bet you liked what ya see.” Arthur decided to make it normal for a woman to come to sit and watch men fight.

“Indeed.” You let out, a curious gleam in your eyes.

He turned to the man on his side that leaned in his ear, murmuring something.

Arthur let out a deep “Hmm” before he got out of the ring.

He glanced at you and decided to keep up the talk.

“I don’t fight like this, it’s just for---”

“Fun?” You interrupted him, your eyes still fixed on his figure. His stare encountered yours before he put on a shirt. He grabbed the filled cup off the table.

“Curly, Tommy needs you in Charlie’s yard. Finn, you go with them.” He was pointing at the men and to the door up the stairs as if dismissing them.

So the man handed him things was going by “Curly” and the boy, Finn.

“What you doing here? It’s not some place for you.” He buttoned up his pants.

You scoffed at his affirmation, leading him to look up at you.

“I like some good fights, is that forbidden, Mr Shelby?” You came nearer, throwing the rest of your cig in his cup.

You were standing right in front of him, taking the bow tie hanging on the half wall of the ring and slowly led it to his neck. He took a step back, but you stepped forward, blocking him against the ring sides.

“You know Tommy?” Arthur felt the need to say something, the situation being extremely odd to him.

You gently put in place the bow and looked up to Arthur’s face, from his pale skin to his eyes. You stayed there a whole minute, analyzing his soul throughout the blue spring sky of his glassy eyes.

“I’d like to see you fight more. In real rings, Arthur. Why don’t you use the boxing place, it’s not far from here.” You turned your heels, walking back to the chair.

He looked at your figure, his eyes blankly fluttering for a moment. Needless to say, the minute you stared at him was displeasing, he was feeling as if he was robbed of something.

He ignored the warning and grabbed his boots, before he installed himself on the other chair around the little table, wanting to hear more about your offer.

“You fight good, but with some real training you could be something else.” You offered him a cigarette that he refused.

You were testing him from the very moment you put your feet in this cave, from checking how to open his mind was to his relation with poison such as cigarettes.

And now that you know everything you need to know, you could offer something.

“You’re some sort of agent?” He asked, intrigued.

You shook your head “Did you ever imagine women fighting? Just like you did, perhaps slightly better” You questioned, teasing him on the end.

His only response was to look at you in disbelief, and you bet he didn’t even understand what you told him.

“There is a world that exists, right here in Birmingham. Wanna go out and see?” You motioned your head toward the door, inviting him to agree with you.

It wasn’t that hard to convince the elder Shelby brother, he was always open to seeing more of life. Even if that meant to beat the shit outta people, get drunk, fuck the whole city or drowning in drugs.

The thing with Arthur was that he wasn’t careful enough, what told him it wasn’t a trap and that he will not get kidnapped or even killed if he followed you? Nothing. Nothing was ever sure with him, but leaving on the edges was something like his daily prayer, so of course he said yes.

Why in the hell would he say no? Tommy could do without him today.

(...)

Tommy had an unexpected visit from Churchill himself. It seemed like the latter had taken a liking to the head of the Shelbys.

“Do what you have to do, Mr Shelby.” Were Churchill’s words toward the reason for his visit, Mosley.

Indeed, he had thought out a concrete plan. And surprisingly, it was thanks to the books you sent him over the weeks, it was almost worth getting harassed by her over the primar book.

The plan was simple, Mosley will make a speech a week and a half from now, the 6th, in Bingley hall. Taking advantage of an anti-fascist demonstration during the rally, an old war comrade named Barney will shoot, and to be cleared of any suspicion, Thomas will be standing right next to Mosley at the time of his death, making sure he’ll take the head of the fascist union.

Today’s meeting was to explain details of the plan and what needed to be done before the d-day, but Tom didn’t see his brother during the entire day and when he’d asked the boys he was responded that Arthur stayed training some more.

It was hard at times, even for him to understand his older brother.

Not that he wanted to, but normally Arthur would never miss a meeting. The only times he didn’t show up were when he was overwhelmed with dark thoughts, and it wasn’t the right time for something like that to occur.

He decided to come to the pub, hoping to see his brother there, drunk, but not in a random cave trying to end his life.

Tom opened the Garrison’s doors, coughing at the amount of smoke coming in his face. He squinted his eyes, at first searching for a fire, but the more smoke entered his nostrils, the more he recognized the smell of apples and red fruits.

“Arthur, what the hell?” he called.

The place was crowded but Tommy’s eyes were focused on his brother, installed at the table near the windows.

He walked to the table and motioned to the windows. “Open one of these.” He ordered, but his brother didn’t see nor hear him. He was too occupied smoking on what seemed like a pipe with a long tube from where came the smoke.

“Oi!” Tommy yelled.

As everyone around the table turned to him, his eyes met with someone he would’ve never expected to be here.

Y/N was previously actively discussing with some girls when someone shouted into her ear.

You stared at Tommy for what seemed an eternity, he doing the same, both asking themselves what the other was doing here.

“Tommy!” His brother exclaimed, louder than he needed to. But this one was too occupied looking at you to even glance toward his brother, that well noticed the stare between you two.

Arthur managed to get up and pat his brother’s shoulder, welcoming him properly.

That’s when he turned to him, incredulous. His icy blue eyes were piercing his brothers, relentlessly.

“Welcome to the new Birmingham, brother!” Arthur seemed ecstatic. “Did you fucking know there were women fighting too, Tommy?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Arthur.” His brother shook his head, still looking at him.

“Boxing, he saw women boxing for the first time.” You entered the conversation to Tommy's displeasure. He looked over you blankly.

“What the fuck is this?” He pointed to the thing Arthur was smoking from previously.

“It’s called a hookah. Or a shisha in percian.” You responded even though he decided to ignore you for who knows what reason.

“Come on, brother, it’s the good life, isn’t it?” Arthur asked, seeing the face of Tommy next to him.

He ultimately pointed back to the windows, “Open those.” Was all he said before turning back and leaving the pub.

“Sergent Major!” You authoritatively called, the heavy Garrison’s doors making a thud as they closed behind you.

The stars were twinkling dimly in the bright sky, cleared of any cloud. It added phlegm to the frenzied atmosphere between the two individuals.

He was already walking in the opposite direction but immediately stopped at the mention of his Small Heath Rifles’ rank.

Thomas turned back. “What did you say?”

You decide to ignore him and start walking to him.

Each of your steps snapped with the fortitude of an army. And the fineness with which you balance your weight from one foot to the other could bewilder the fiercest individuals, that, he knew.

Not a single ounce of hesitation nor apprehension in your movements.

But the most unsettling thing Tommy found about you was your facial expression. It wasn’t closed off or concentrated, quite the reverse, the spark settling behind your iris could light up any type of darkness and you were undoubtedly giving slices of life to each person you would smile to.

The addition of your features creating a delicate dimension where it was possible to believe the best things could happen.

At that moment, Tom wished he hadn’t seen you at that library. You were something he couldn’t overfly even if he dared to. But for some reasons he wasn’t able to move on, swayings seizing his entire being, physically as well as mentally.

There was just something about this, him and you.

“What the hell did you think, you that act like the most intelligent of all fucking Birmingham and beyond. My fucking brother doesn’t need none of that!” Tommy wasn’t screaming, but you could hear in his deep tone the anger rooted in his throat.

“He doesn’t need it or you don’t want him to have it, Thomas?” You calmly stated, which made him turn his back at you, passing a hand over his face.

You were pushing him to the edge and that made you laugh, which you didn’t even try to muffle.

He turned back to you, eyebrows raised.

“You wanted this.” He pointed you with his index.

He was accusing you of wittingly driving him crazy and you couldn’t even deny it.

You grabbed his finger with your own hand and pushed it down without releasing it.

“No, I counted on it.” You started, your lips curling into a smile that didn’t escape Tommy’s gaze.

“Life’s a succession of wars, Tom. But soldiers too need to relax.”

No one had ever put a finger on that nerve, but here he was, gazing longingly into your orbs, your words resonating within him.

You wasn’t only talking about Arthur and the fact he needed to be distracted to stay away from dark thoughts. You were also talking about him, that didn’t have to take care of everything as you were there now to handle some of it.

“I promise you I know what I’m doing.”

He leaned backwards, looking at you with an unreadable expression.

Why were you promising things now? The last time you two were that close, it was you that ran away, and now you were the one initiating things to drift from professional to personal.

You sighed and looked down. That’s when you realized both your hands were locked together.

You frowned, remaining silent. You were shocked, but not as much as you should. You weren’t totally stupid, the feelings settling in you were pretty clear once you stopped pushing them aside.

Soon enough he followed your stare, noticing the thing as well.

Both of you released at the same time, looking at everything but the other.

Tommy coughed, fighting the will to be the one saying something in this situation. But he didn’t want you to escape him again this time.

“I’m dealing with Arthur, you don’t have to put your nose in my affairs. It’s not part of the deal.”

You’d preferred he hadn’t spoken. You rolled your eyes at yourself before throwing him the “really?” look.

“You can’t even deal with Michael and you’re telling me you’re dealing with Arthur.” You scoffed, putting a hand on your lips to muffle the sound of your laugh.

His body relaxes at your gigglings.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re foolin’?” You couldn’t hold the laugh back any more.

He didn’t respond, nor act on what you just said. He just stares at you, filled with joy at the simple sight of you being vulnerable.

A smile drew at the corner of your lips when you stopped mocking him.

Your eyes fluttered of wellness, as he was just standing close, doing nothing else than breathing.

Tommy grabbed a cig and put it in between his lips, but you hassled to steal it and lock it between yours.

He glanced at you, raising his brows. He was done with you that was for sure. But not in a bad way. You were playing a game and you won the match.

He came lightening up your cig as watching you take a deep and slow puff on it.

You started to walk, going deeper into the street and he started to do the same.

(...)

Michael and Gina were coming back from the restaurant. It was the first time the husband took his wife out to eat in Birmingham as she, obviously, wasn’t a fan of the city.

They didn’t see the time’s flying and it was already ten when they reached the wide glass doors of the hotel.

As they entered it, they noticed it was almost pinched black inside, the only source of brightness emanating from little orangish lights hanging on the walls behind the counter.

Michael glanced left to right at the place, no one to be seen, or so he thought. It was only when Gina stepped foot in, that he glimpsed figures coming out of the dark spots.

They were moving fast, getting nearer the American woman before his husband could do anything to protect her.

“Gina!” Was all he said before she disappeared outside the front doors of the hotel along with the individuals.

(...)

Tommy stops the engine looking straight ahead.

You were looking outside the window, to your large mansion. You managed to glance at the man before opening the door. You were gauging his reaction, almost testing the water all while maintaining the silence.

As the tension couldn’t get higher, you stepped out. You began to move away from the car when you heard its door open, followed by the clearing of a throat you knew too well.

Tommy’s steps on the gravel came nearer and nearer. When you turned the keys in the lock they were right behind. You opened the heavy wooden entry and got in, letting the door open.

The man entered behind your and turned his back at you, closing the door. When he turned back at the entrance, Y/N had disappeared.

He stepped deeper in the house, and joined the living room, where he glimpsed at your figure, your air resting at your back, your fingers over a note on the table.

Tom got closer to you, grabbing your elbow with the tip of his fingers, looking at the paper you seemed focused on.

Done.

You quickly glanced around, as if making sure you were alone. You then turned to him, raising your palm to his cheek, a gentle touch that he didn’t expect, making his lids slowly fluttering.

You took a step forward, leaned towards him and fondled his nose with the end of your own before leading your fingers to his lips.

You closed your eyes, rooting yourself at this moment and forgetting about the library, high society, Mosley, Michael and everything that stood between you.

He was the one to initiate the kiss, the call for you being louder than any other things at the moment. One of his hands slid to the hollow of your back as the other was grabbed by hers.

Fingers intertwined together, breath mixed, lips pressed against one another, heartbeats speeding and a thousand seconds later, you pulled away, slowly raising your gaze to Tommy’s.

The weight this kiss meant dropped on Tom’s shoulder as he, without hesitation, came to taste again the sweet flavour of your lips. You gasped at the connection, the eagerness of the feeling inside your stomach being fed.

You were breathing loudly in his mouth, your hands now grabbing Tommy’s clothes shamelessly.

They both knew there was no turning back and that things got more complicated than they needed to be, but none of them pulled away nor hesitated for even a slight second.

Following Chapter ❱

#peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #tommy shelby x y/n #peaky blinders fandom #peaky blinders fanfic #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x y/n #thomas shelby x reader

[strideofpride]

Gossip Girl and Old Money vs. New Money

tldr: I broke down the family background and class status of the Archibald/Van der Bilt, Bass, Rhodes/Van der Woodsen, and Waldorf families. Because even among the 1%, old money vs. new money is still a very real difference to them.

Archibald/Van der Bilt (aka Vanderbilt) family: In the world of the show, Nate's family is presented as the oldest money of them all. His mom is a Vanderbilt (spelled Van der Bilt on the show presumably for legal reasons) a real wealthy American family. Although, among the insanely wealthy, the Vanderbilts are technically not old money. In America, old money technically refers to families who made their money prior to the Revolutionary War. Anything else is technically new money (although one anthropologist has stated starting from the 1930s on you can refer to the Vanderbilts as old money - they would just be Lower-Upper compared to an Upper-Upper family that made their money in the 1600/1700s). The Vanderbilts didn't make their money until the Gilded Age and they did it by building a shipping and railroad empire. To my knowledge, the real Vanderbilts are not a political family; the show probably took from the Kennedys there.

The Archibald family, on the other hand, are clearly not old money. I don't remember specific scenes or episodes off the top of my head, but that's implied throughout all of Anne and Howard's interactions and you can just sense it in their dynamic. I do think Howard probably still grew up rich what with Dartmouth and all (also let's be real, Anne wouldn't have married him if he wasn't), but he was probably a first gen rich boy, and I think that tracks with him going into Wall Street and investment banking instead of something more "proper". Also I think it's canon that William Van der Bilt purchased the family home and boat for them? So yeah.

Bass family: The Bass family on the other hand is as new money as they come. Bart might be evil sure, but he's truly a self-made man (or as self-made as a billionaire can be - no one earns a billion dollars without exploitation of their workers - but Bart was canonically born poor). In 107, it's established that a lot of Bart's resentment of Chuck comes from the fact that Chuck was born and raised in privilege while Bart came from nothing.

The Bass family is primarily a real estate family, owning hotels and buildings. Obviously, I have to make the most obvious family comparison here: the Trumps. The Bass family is a rival of the Trumps in the show and I think there is an obvious parallel of Bart as Fred, the shady developer who built his family fortune from the ground up using dubious methods, and Chuck as Donald, the son who earned none of what he was handed, a sexual predator, and all around asshole who ended up taking his father's company and running it into the ground multiple times. (God I'm just realizing that if Chuck was real and ran for president he'd unfortunately probably win too).

In the books I think the Bass family even owns the Plaza, just like Trump did, although this was probably changed to the Palace in the show since they were more willing to let them film regularly there.

Rhodes/Van der Woodsen family: In reality, the oldest money of them all would probably be the Van der Woodsens. Van der Woodsen is a Dutch name, and that implies that they are a family that has been in New York since it was New Amsterdam, such as the Stuyvesant, Gansevoort, Schuyler (yes like the sisters from Hamilton), and Van Cortlandt families (I believe this is the case in the books). And yes, doctors make good money, sure, but you can't afford a penthouse apartment in Manhattan on a doctor's salary, let alone yachts or private jets or anything else Serena and Eric seemed to have grown up with. I think it's safe to assume that William comes from a very wealthy family.

Now the Rhodes family on the other hand is more complicated. Cece married a record executive and moved out to California with him. However, she clearly came from an elite Upper East Side family and I think this tracks with her choosing to raise her children in Montecito, a classier, more traditional and conservative neighborhood up in Santa Barbara compared to rich Los Angeles neighborhoods such as Beverly Hills and Brentwood. (Although did she live in Los Angeles with Rick pre-divorce and only moved herself and the girls up there after the split? Unclear.)

In 113 though, Blair makes reference to the Waldorf name and reputation while disparaging Serena, implying that her and her family have a trashier reputation. So my guess is that Cece marrying a record exec and raising her kids out in California probably knocked her down a peg in Upper East Side society. Lily probably gained some of that prestige back by marrying a Van der Woodsen, but then the three divorces by the time of the pilot probably sunk them back down again.

Waldorf family: The Waldorf family is the most confusing one to decipher. The name Waldorf obviously makes you think of the Waldorf Astoria (I'm sure that's where Cecily von Ziegesar got the name from) and the Astor family, one of the Upper Upper old money families of America. Waldorf actually comes from Walldorf, the name of the town in Germany the Astors were originally from. However, the show Waldorfs seem to bear no relation to the Astors or the hotel.

Harold almost certainly came from money. He went to Yale, and I believe he was a lawyer? Which again, sure, lawyers make good money, but not Manhattan penthouse, French chateau, and private jet money. There must have been family money involved.

Eleanor, on the other hand, I'm not so sure. She seems like a self-made woman and she makes a big deal in season 2 when Blair considers not going to college and going down the Maureen van der Bilt path about how "Waldorf women are not socialites". Also it does not seem to be a big deal for her at all to marry a Jewish man (Cyrus), something that might be different if she was a true born and bred blue blood WASP.

And certainly successful fashion designers can be extremely wealthy (Ralph Lauren's net worth is estimated at 7 billion), but Waldorf Designs is clearly a much smaller company than Ralph Lauren (it's not even public). She probably has a net worth in the tens of millions, but believe it or not that's still not regular access to private jet money. Which makes me think Harold almost certainly does have family money. And again, this tracks since in 113 it's made clear that the name Waldorf means something in Upper East Side society. So my guess would be that the Waldorf family is closer to old money than new money. But still nowhere near the level of the Van der Bilts.

#did anyone ask for this? no #did i spend lots of time working on this anyway? yes #i know ive posted a lot of gg today but ive been working on this for two days and just want it out there #gossip girl #gg meta #nate archibald #chuck bass #serena van der woodsen #blair waldorf #howard archibald #anne archibald #william van der bilt #bart bass #william van der woodsen #lily van der woodsen #cece rhodes #eleanor waldorf #harold waldorf